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kohanayaki · 3 years

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.:Time and Time Again:. (Marauders Era x Reader) Ch 6

You continue the tale of how you, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter became known as The Marauders.

LINKS: CH 1 CH 2 CH 3 CH 4 CH 5 CH 6 CH 7 CH 8

___________________________________________________________

Ch 6 .:The Making of the Marauders:.

~Previously~

“That was when they were first starting to put the map together,” you continued, “but that wasn't even the biggest secret they had. Of course, I wouldn't find out about that for another year. . .”

“So at this point I knew that they were hiding something else, but not what it was,” you told Harry, continuing on with your story, “But one night we had planned to meet up and use the invisibility cloak to map out the underground tunnels that ran through the storage cellars, and they never showed up. So I snuck into the Gryffindor common room through the secret passage and found their dorm completely empty. But what was there was our work in progress map. . .”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1975 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This isn't going to work,” Peter said flatly, watching James and Sirius draw a large circle in chalk on the floor of the Shrieking Shack.

“Not with that attitude it's not,” James said, “if there's a way we can speed up this process I'm willing to give it a go. I don't know how long I can go on with this bloody leaf in my mouth.”

“Is this even real?” Peter sighed, “it looks like what muggles think magic is.”

“It's real all right,” Sirius said, “old, but real. I mean, Transfiguration was founded on the principles of magic circles! I'm not really sure what these runes on the side mean, but it's probably not important.”

“I seriously doubt that,” Peter retorted, “Remus, back me up here.”

He turned towards Lupin, but he had long since dozed off, arms crossed as he leaned against one of the nearly decaying walls in the corner. Peter sighed, taking a piece of paper from the ground and crumpling it into a ball before promptly throwing it in the sleeping boy's face. Lupin jolted awake, realizing what had happened and chucking the paper back at Peter in annoyance.

“Not a moment of peace,” he huffed under his breath.

“Sounds awfully boring,” James said over his shoulder.

“Blimey, what time is it?” Remus said, panicked as he noticed the light had completely gone from the sky, “It's long past sundown.”

“So?” Sirius shrugged.

“So, we told (Y/n) we'd meet them to work on the map at dusk,” Remus said, “They're probably looking for us right now!”

“Oh, they are,” you announced your presence, an unimpressed look on your face as they jumped, whipping around to look at you.

“(Y-Y/n)!” Sirius stuttered, “how did you—”

You held up the map, raising a brow at the four guilty looking boys.

“Right. . .”

“You snuck into our rooms?!” James said incredulously as he saw the map, which he was sure he had left on his bedside table, in your hands.

“You've snuck into my shower before, Potter,” you glared lightly at him.

“Point taken.”

“Okay, look, I'm sorry we didn't show tonight, and I know we've been acting weird,” Sirius sighed, “the truth is—”

“Lupin's a werewolf.”

The color drained from Remus' face, slightly mortified that you already knew.

“Come on, guys,” you said, “the claw marks and you lot disappearing whenever there's a full moon kind of gave it away. You aren't exactly subtle about it.”

You could sense the intense nervousness in the room, especially from Remus. Ok, so maybe coming right out with it wasn't the best course of action.

“Look,” you said, “if you're worried about anyone else finding out, they won't. I mean, the only reason I even knew you were here is because I'm literally helping you make a magical map that details all the secret passages and shows where everyone is. I won't tell anyone, I swear.”

They still seemed a little unsure, and you bit the inside of your lip slightly.

“If it'll make us even, I'll let you know a secret of my own,” you said, “it can even be future blackmail me if you really don't trust me.”

“No, it's not that, (Y/n),” Remus said as he stepped forward, his throat feeling dry, “it's just, well, I've never really told anyone except the people in this room. Having someone else know. . . it's just a lot to process, but if had to be anyone I'm glad it's you.” He paused for a moment, feeling oddly self-conscious as he regarded you. “When I turn into a werewolf I can't recognize any human as someone I know. I have no control over myself in that state. In the worst case scenario, I could injure or even kill someone I didn't mean to. We originally started taking note of the secret passages and rooms to find a place where I could turn safely and not hurt anyone, and we settled on here. I don't remember much when I come out of it, but. . . I do feel this painful sense of separation each time. Werewolves are pack creatures by nature, so being isolated in that state is. . . agony, if I must be honest. They all figured, I can't recognize humans, but perhaps I could recognize other animals, so. . .”

“They're trying to become animagi,” you finished, “so you won't have to be alone. That's. . . that's actually really sweet,” you said, a breathy laugh escaping you.

Remus thanked Merlin the Shrieking Shack was as dimly lit as it was so his beet red face was at least somewhat less noticeable.

“I agree,” Remus said, turning to his friends and sharing a rare, genuine moment with them. “And, you don't have to tell us your secret,” he said, turning back to you, “it's okay.”

“Hey, I wanted to know,” Sirius said, Peter swiftly elbowing him in the ribs.

“I was actually planning on telling you anyways,” you said, “If you guys are trying to become animagi, I can help you.”

You took a few steps back, bracing yourself against the wall.

“Promise me you won't freak out.”

After receiving a few quick nods, you kicked off the wall. Your body seemed to morph in mid-air, shrinking and re-configuring so fast that by the time you landed on the floor you had been entirely replaced by a large, (e/c)-eyed wolf with fur reminiscent of your hair.

Peter yelped, instinctively putting Sirius in front of him who was gawking at the sight. Remus was in complete shock and you could have sworn you saw James' glasses slip down his face.

In your animal form your heightened senses could sense their fear, and you tried your best to assuage it. You padded around in a circle, sitting down and blinking up at them to try and show them you were in control of your actions. After you figured they'd seen enough, you crawled back into your robes, which had pooled on the floor when you'd transfigured, and willed your body to turn back.

James, Sirius, and Peter looked somewhere in the intersection of shocked and terrified, but Remus looked nothing less than impressed.

“That's amazing, (Y/n),” he said breathlessly, “your transformation was seamless, how long have you had this ability?”

“My aunt had me go through the process when I was nine,” you said, a bitter edge to your voice as you fastened your clothes back around you, “it's not fun, but obviously useful. And thank you, but trust me, it didn't come at all naturally to me. I spent a good part of my winter break stuck with a wolf's hind legs, which is just as inconvenient as it sounds.”

“But this proves that it's possible!” James said, a new rush of energy invigorating him, “we can actually pull this off.”

“If I can manage to keep this sodding leaf from choking me every ten minutes,” Peter grumbled.

“Here, this should help with that,” you said, drawing your wand and pointing it at Peter's mouth. With a simple sticking charm, he suddenly felt the odd sensation of the leaf in his mouth disappearing, only to find it had melded with the flesh on the underside of his tongue.

“It's a long process, but yes, it's possible,” you said to James. Your eyes drifted to the floor where the magic circle and pages of runes were still scattered about, “if you were thinking of taking shortcuts, you might have wanted to read the warning about this spell requiring a blood sacrifice.”

The quartet paled and you laughed at their dumbstruck expressions.

“Kidding,” you grinned, “but seriously, there's no shortcuts. Now look alive, boys. We have a lot of work to do.”

_________________________________________________________

From then on, you helped the four wizards along on their quest to become fully fledged shifters.

“In order to become an animagus, a wizard must keep a Mandrake leaf in their mouth for an entire month, even when eating and sleeping,” Peter read aloud from the book they'd snatched from the restricted section, “Next, under a full moon, the wizard must place the leaf in a vial full of dew that has neither been stepped on nor exposed to the sun. The resulting potion must be stored in a dark place, and the following incantation: Amato Animo Animato Animagus, must be recited every morning until an electrical storm arrives, at which point the potion can be taken.”

“Blimey, all that to turn into a bloody cat?” Sirius said, exasperated.

“Well we have the first part almost done,” James said, feeling the faintest outline of the leaf still under his tongue, “Next full moon we'll have to go dew-hunting, I suppose. Looks like you'll have to stick it out for a few more cycles, Moony,” he said to Remus.

“That's alright,” he said, “I've made it this far.”

“He won't be alone for those,” you said, “I'll spend the full moons with him until you guys are ready.”

“What?” James said, looking at you like you'd just told him you were off to join Voldemort, “not a chance, that's way too dangerous.”

“Aw, don't act like you're all concerned about me all of a sudden, Potter,” you smirked. When his expression didn't change it took you aback slightly. He was actually worried about you. “Look, I'm probably the best suited for it anyways,” you said, coughing a bit to coast through the awkward tension, “Remus and I are both wolves, or at least partly. If one of you end up turning into a sheep or something you might be dead meat, not to freak you out or anything.”

“That's reassuring,” Sirius said under his breath.

____________________________________________________________

“You really don't have to do this,” Lupin insisted as you sat on the floor together in the Shrieking Shack later that month.

“I want to,” you assured him, “take it as a thanks for helping me pass Arithmancy. Besides, it's a perfectly fine excuse for me to practice interacting with other animals in my animagus form.”

The boy beside you was quiet for a moment, shoulders tense and jaw set tight. It wasn't that he wasn't happy you were here, he was more grateful than you could know, but he was terrified that he was going to end up hurting you. On top of that was the fact that he didn't want you to see him as he transformed. It wasn't pretty, and it was visibly painful. He didn't want you to think any lower of him, though he knew that fear was irrational.

The calming jazz record that spun on the other side of the room was the only noise between you two for quite some time, but you understood that he needed time to gather his thoughts. This was something so deeply personal you were surprised and a bit honored he allowed you to be here at all. You noticed the photograph that he held in his hands; it was of Hogwarts, taken from the very edge of the forest. The sun was peeking over the horizon, spilling out between the complexly constructed towers that made up the castle's exterior, and casting a warm, golden hue over the landscape.

“It's beautiful,” you said, “the picture.”

“It is,” Remus smiled to himself and nodded, “James gave it to me, as a reminder. He said that matter what happens during the full moon, the sun will always rise on us again.”

“Huh,” you mused softly, “perhaps he isn't such an insufferable jerk after all.”

“Oh, no, he is,” Lupin chuckled, “but he is also a very good friend, and endlessly thoughtful even if he denies it.”

You let that sink in for a moment. You supposed he was.

“Well,” you said, laughing a bit as you shifted in your seat, “this isn't as deep and meaningful as the photo, but I brought something for you.” You reached into your bag, retrieving something that made Remus' eyes widen.

“Where did you get that?” he said, elated as you held out his favorite chocolate bar which had been out of stock at Hogsmeade for weeks now.

“You guys have a secret tunnel that goes right to the Honeydukes cellar and you've never taken advantage of their storage?” you grinned.

Lupin hesitated as he held the bar in his hands.

“So you stole it?”

“I left five dracma in the tip jar,” you rolled your eyes, “I'm not a death eater.”

His smiled returned at that, and he ripped open the familiar foil gratefully.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

“It's the least I could do,” you said.

“It's really not,” he said, turning to face you fully. You were left a bit breathless as the unexpected intensity of his eyes. “None of this is the least you could do, because the least you could do is nothing,” he continued, rambling, “we were so horrible to someone you consider a dear friend, and you were willing to look past that. You're risking your life by even being with me right now, (Y/n).”

“You don't—”

“I do know that,” Remus said sharply, “I've never been in contact with anyone as a werewolf. The one time I was, I. . .” he trailed off, and it hurt you to see his pained expression, “I just don't know how I'll react.”

“You're saying that as if something bad's already happened,” you said gently, “it'll be okay.”

“How can you be so sure?” he asked quietly, equally full of frustration and admiration.

“I'm willing to put my trust in you, Remus. I think it's time you put some trust in yourself.”

Lupin's heart pounded a little harder in his chest. Had you ever called him by his first name before? You looked at him so reassuringly, so confidently. He couldn't understand it, but your words reached him to his core.

“(Y/n). . .” he trailed off, blinking rapidly. A shaky breath escaped him, and your stomach dropped.

“Remus?”

Suddenly you saw something shift in him. His breathing became heavy and his pupils dilated, completely filling his irises in a matter of seconds. He braced himself against the wall as he stumbled to his feet, his skin slowly taking on a gray hue.

“It's happening,” he said, voice deeper and strained, his neck convulsing, “you have to transform, now!”

You didn't waste any time, taking the shape of your wolf form and padding away a cautionary distance. Your stomach churned as you watched Remus yell out, his expression full of pain as his body grew in size, his cries slowly becoming reminiscent of howls. His face contorted in agony as his head morphed into a more animalistic shape, ears growing from his scalp and fur appearing as if his werewolf was fully formed inside him, physically escaping through his skin. You've seen werewolves before, but seeing someone you know actually turn into one, it was completely different. Nothing could have prepared you for this. Seeing anyone in this much pain made your chest tighten harshly.

At last it seemed the transformation was complete. Remus Lupin was gone, and in front of you stood a creature of at least eight feet, perched on his hind legs and towering over you especially in your animal form. You could hear how ragged his breathing had become, his body convulsing with the motion; growing and retracting like a beating heart. You heard a whimper escape his throat, and you could tell he was still recovering from the pain.

You steeled yourself, making the decision to alert him to your presence subtly. You tilted your head upwards, releasing a similar sounding whimper to his. Immediately the werewolf across from you was on high alert, his head snapping towards you and his lips pulling back into a snarl as his ears lowered. You took an instinctive step back, lowering your head slowly. He seemed puzzled by your behavior, which made sense seeing as Lupin told you he never interacted with any other animals during the full moon. His head tilted inquisitively and he took a heavy step forward. You forced yourself to not back away, testing the waters. His eyes narrowed again as he saw you standing your ground, but you quickly sat down, your head tilting to expose your neck slightly. You made doubly sure not to show any signs of aggression; you knew you had no chance against a werewolf at full strength.

However, he seemed to take your queues well. His tail seemed to relax a bit, his eyes returning to their full, round shape as he looked at you with curiosity. You sniffed up at him and he hesitated, but eventually circled around you and did the same. You could almost see the turmoil in him, as a werewolf you doubted anyone he came across treated him with anything less than terror in their eyes, but you were completely relaxed.

He whimpered again, and you were shocked at the sign of submission. You rose to your feet, and he didn't back away. You let out a friendly yip, which he returned, and you felt the weight lift off your chest. You leaped to the side, and he followed you, running alongside you as you bounded across the room, practically leaping off the walls. You jumped at each other playfully, rolling across the floor in a mess of fur. You smiled inwardly as this continued throughout the night, no longer seeing fear or pain or aggression in his eyes when you looked into them. Even if he wouldn't remember most of this, you hoped he would at least feel better in the morning than all the times he had to go through it alone.

Exhausted from all the playing around, you padded softly back to your robes, crawling inside yours and and gesturing over to him with your head. He followed you, coming down to all fours before laying beside you. You weren't sure when sleep came over you, but it was like the world's most comfortable blanket had been thrown over your shoulders, and your eyes drifted closed of their own volition. . .

“Merlin's beard, just what were you two doing last night?!”

You and Remus both jolted awake at the sound of James Potter's aggravatingly loud voice but quickly came to your senses. Remus' arms were wrapped around you, your back facing him. You were just barely covered by your robes with nothing underneath as a result of your transformation. As you scrambled to get decent your face heated even more as you saw Remus was currently without a shirt, his pants ripped considerably. You scrambled away from each other, trying to make yourselves decent.

Peter was howling with laughter, James looking smug as ever. Sirius was oddly quiet, but you were too wrapped up in the embarrassment to notice his behavior.

“What was that about being 'endlessly thoughtful'?” you grumbled to Remus.

“Right, I completely take back what I said,” he scoffed, “ 'insufferable jerk' is much more accurate.”

“Close your eyes, you perverted git!” you yelled at James, who was blatantly staring at you, “toss me my clothes at least, would you?”

James bit back a smirk as he grabbed your bag that was sitting in the corner of the room— clothes you had brought with the intention of changing into after returning to your human form when Lupin fell asleep. He tossed it over to you and you began to change under your robes. As his back was turned to you his mind began to wander. You'd always been attractive, sure, but since you'd always been his rival he hadn't really given you a second thought, especially when he'd been trying to get Lily's attention for ages. But just now, thinking about how downright adorable you looked when you'd yelled at him, something in him shifted. He shook it off quickly, turning to Lupin with a grin he'd managed to put on concernedly fast.

“You cheeky bastard,” he said to Remus, who was furiously changing into a new shirt, “you just wanted her alone, didn't you? Do you really need us to become animagi after all?”

“You're the worst, Potter,” the werewolf glared at him.

“Don't listen to him, Remus,” you grumbled, straightening out your tie as you slipped it on over your shirt, “he's an even bigger idiot than he looks.”

“Are you implying I look stupid?”

“Implying may not be a strong enough word.”

__________________________________________________________

It had taken months of brewing the potion and getting all the necessary preparations in order, but they were finally ready. Remus sat with you in the grass, wand at the ready to undo any untoward transfiguration that happened on accident. Peter, Sirius, and James stood across from you, standing at the edge of a stone ledge about five feet off the ground. You'd said that a leap of faith is what would best trigger their first transformation. They looked nervous, but they were prepared as they'd ever be. Over the last year you had grown considerably closer to the four boys you had miraculously come to know as friends.

“Remember, focus on your emotions,” you said, “you need to pick a strong one, let it fill your body and flow through you. If you block the magic off from any part of your body, it's not going to be pretty.”

“Right, but how do I—”

“James, I swear, I'm really rooting for you to be a mute animal.”

“But how do you choose-”

“Just do it already!”

“Oh, sod it,” James squeezed his eyes shut, not giving himself time to second guess before jumping off the ledge. For a moment he was certain he was about to land face first in the dirt, but then it happened— a moment where time seemed to freeze and his body felt completely weightless. He felt this sensation where his arms and legs vibrated with an intense, foreign energy. Images flashed through his mind in that brief moment in the air; Sirius manically laughing as they ran away from Filch, Remus snapping off a piece of chocolate to offer him after he'd lost Gryffindor a Quidditch match, and, unexpectedly, you. A feeling of warmth spread through his chest, and he grasped onto it, letting it flow through his body like you said. In an instant he felt torso shift, his shoulders narrow, his neck elongate; and when he landed on the ground he still landed face-first as he predicted, but in a completely different form.

He could see you and Lupin in front of him, mouths agape. He was about to say something when he found his vocal chords only allowed him a gruff whine. Shocked, he lifted his head, which felt much heavier than he'd last recalled, and as he looked down at himself he was taken aback to be met with a pair of hooves right beneath him. He staggered to his feet on wobbly legs, of which he now had four. As he tilted his head he could see the shadow of a pair of antlers twisting into brilliant shadows on the grass.

“Potter, you did it!” you exclaimed, “you actually did it!”

“Well how about that,” Remus chuckled, “a stag.”

“It fits him, I think,” you grinned, looking over at Sirius and Peter who looked determined and terrified respectively. “Well go on, it's your turn now!”

Sirius braced himself for the jump, but somehow he found no fear in his system. After seeing James shift in the air right before his eyes, he knew he could do it. He looked over at Peter who was nearly shaking.

“Come on, Peter,” he said, “we'll go together.”

“I-I don't know about this, Sirius,” Peter said, “I'm not ready, I don't think I can do this.”

“It's just a little jump,” Sirius said encouragingly, “you can do this.”

After a few nerve wracking deep breaths Peter gave him the smallest nod one could manage.

“We'll go on three,” Sirius said, “Ready? One—”

“AaHH!”

Sirius shoved Peter off the ledge, knowing he wouldn't jump on his own, before taking the plunge himself. Peter's screams became higher and higher pitched as he shrank at an alarming speed, almost an undetectable size by the time he hit the grass. A small brown rat scurried across the field towards you and Lupin.

The stag in front of you made a sound, dragging his hooves across the grass in what you could imagine as James' unadulterated laughter at his friend.

Sirius began to morph almost as soon as he left the ground, something you were surprised by. He landed on his hind legs, landing gracefully as his front two followed, and a shaggy black dog looked back at you with mischief in its eyes.

You couldn't help but go over and pet him. You laughed as he nudged you with his nose, a resistance that was quickly halted as soon as you started scratching him behind the ears.

“I have to say, I didn't think you would actually manage that on your first try,” you said, secretly prouder than they could have known, “but if anyone could have done it, it's you three stubborn goons.”

James huffed as he saw you continue to pet Sirius, using his antlers to prod the dog out of the way. Sirius barked, lunging at him playfully. It was quite a scene to see the two interact.

“Honestly, this is a pretty solid group,” you said, “you've got James who blends perfectly with the surrounding wildlife so he wouldn't be suspicions, Sirius who could probably do a fair bit of damage as a dog if he needed, and Peter who can fit through small spaces and snoop around the castle virtually undetected.”

“Quite an odd pack,” Remus chuckled.

“Definitely,” you agreed, “but a pack nonetheless.”

And that very week, Remus Lupin was able to spend his first night as a werewolf with his four friends by his side.

__________________________________________________________

“So, how did we choose which animals we turn into?” James had asked you the next day at breakfast, “I specifically tried for a dragon.”

“You don't get to choose,” you rolled your eyes, “You're a stag, that's the end of it. It's pretty much up to chance.”

“I'm sorry, you're telling me I could have turned into a fish and died right there on the ground?!”

“If only,” you sighed dreamily, earning you a playful shove from James. “Alright, it's not completely random, but you're definitely in the unknown the first time you turn,” you went on to explain, “and once you turn for the first time, that's it. That's your animal. A wizard takes on the animagus form of whatever animal most closely resembles their personality. So, a horny bastard for James, a loyal little puppy for Sirius—”

“A bitch for you,” Sirius quipped.

“Never heard that one before,” you scoffed, purposefully messing up his hair.

“Hey, watch it!” he shoved you off him, twisting each of his curls back into form.

“Well, look who's a high maintenance pup,” you chuckled.

Around the same time that year, you finally completed the map. It came together beautifully, each different way of folding the paper revealing a different level of the castle for easy navigation. You'd included the surrounding forests as well as the parts of Hogsmeade that applied for the secret passageways, all of which were marked with symbols and the unique names you'd all come up with. Every student and staff member at Hogwarts had a tiny scroll with their name that appeared in their location. Remus had added the nice detail of including footprints at the last second, so you could see which way they were facing and walking as well. It was fireproof, rip proof, and prone to insulting anyone else who tried to read it. It was the pinnacle of your magical (and slightly illegal) achievement.

“We should write our names on it,” James said, looking down proudly at the finished map, “it belongs to us, after all. We don't want anyone else taking the credit.”

“Yeah, fantastic way to get caught,” Sirius rolled his eyes, “what if Filch comes across it? That's like leaving your signature at a murder scene.”

“You should use code names, then,” you suggested, “I know you guys call Remus 'Moony' as a joke, but I kind of like it.”

The scarred boy blushed lightly at the compliment, a brow raised to his other three friends.

“Alright then, I guess you should all say hi to Rudolph over here,” Sirius said, jutting his thumb in James' direction. The bespectacled boy narrowed his eyes before shooting back.

“Right! And this is my good friend, Snuffles.”

Sirius lunged at him and James swatted him away in laughter.

“Come on, you two,” Remus said, “or we won't put anything down for you at all.”

“I've got an idea for Peter,” you piped in, “When my mom used to garden she said she didn't mind having rats there because their tails resembled worms, which were an old a sign of healthy soil, I know it's odd, but I think Wormtail sounds pretty cool.”

Peter seemed to perk up at your acknowledgment and nodded. It suited him somehow.

“Should we pick animal features too, then?” James mused, “I guess Antlers doesn't really sound that cool. What's another word? Horns? Give me some analogies, guys. What else do they look like?”

“Yours honestly kind of look like a couple of bent forks,” you snickered.

“Prongs?” Sirius snorted, the laughter that followed nearly splitting his sides.

“Oh, go on, what have you got then?” James scoffed.

“I was thinking Padfoot,” Sirius said, “like a dog's paw prints.”

“You know, for someone who was just making fun of code names a second ago you sure have given a lot of thought to yours,” you teased.

“Shove it,” he smirked, “What about you? Can't very well have a second Moony.”

You stared at him in momentary disbelief.

“Me?”

“Well, yeah,” Sirius chuckled.

“We couldn't have done any of this without you,” Remus reminded you with a smile.

“I think you've more than earned an honorary title as one of us,” James said.

“That is, if you want to,” Peter said timidly.

You looked at the four of them, genuinely touched.

“I. . . I don't know what to say,” you smiled.

“You could say 'yes',” James piped up.

“Alright, you loons,” you laughed, “if you leave Severus alone for good, then yes.”

“Hey, I think we've been pretty good about that lately,” James pouted.

“Yes you have,” you admitted, “It's the only reason I bothered to give you the time of day, but this time it's a promise.”

James rolled his eyes, but the smile on his face was undeniable. He'd never admit it out loud, but being friends with you was more fun than messing with Snape ever was.

“Alright, fine. (Y/n) (L/n), I solemnly swear that I will leave tormenting our dear old friend Snivelus behind us forever,” he said dramatically, putting a hand up at his pledge.

“Oh, bother,” you laughed, “the only thing you'll 'solemnly swear' to is that you're up to no good.”

“I'll take that as a compliment.”

“Then that's settled,” Remus smiled, “you'll need a code name too.”

“Let's see,” Sirius hummed in thought, “What other defining features do wolves have besides. . . well, their. . . fangs?”

“They're canines, you numbnut,” you huffed.

“Close enough, I'm writing Fangs.”

“Oi, I didn't agree to that!”

“Too bad, I'm already writing it~”

“Okay, well if that's the stupid name I'm getting saddled with them I'm going to write it myself,” you said stubbornly. You actually didn't mind the name at all.

“Well that's it, then,” James said, “Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs, and Fangs. We could join the bloody circus.”

“All we need is a group name,” you said, half joking.

“We've already got one,” James said proudly.

“Oh? Let's hear it, then.”

“The Marauders.”

“. . .”

You kept your face straight for exactly three seconds before you burst out laughing. The four boys flushed with embarrassment.

“The Marauders?” you chortled, “what are you, pirates?”

“It's what McGonnagall called us the first time we got ourselves into proper trouble,” James defended himself, his cheeks reddening, “You rowdy mob of marauders, she'd said.”

“Huh,” you chuckled, coming down from your laughing fit, “Well, then I suppose that would make this The Marauders Map. I'll admit, it actually kinda has a ring to it.”

And despite your group's joking quips and bickering, they couldn't agree more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait,” Harry said, eyes wide at your story, “So, my dad was an animagus too?”

“Sure was,” you smiled warmly.

“This whole time I thought 'Prongs' was just because his patronus was a stag.”

“Your animagus form is usually the same animal as your patronus,” you explained, “In some very rare cases they can be different, but they work in the same emotionally driven vein of magical ability, so it would make sense that they'd be linked. Your father was extraordinary at both, because as much as he would deny it, he felt everything very deeply.”

Your eyes drifted to the wall opposite you in the living room, and a small but sad smile graced your features.

“Love is often the most powerful emotion a witch or wizard can draw from,” you said softly, “but you already know that.”

Harry followed your gaze over his shoulder. There, posted on the wall among a collage of photographs from the Order was a picture of his mother and father. It was one he'd seen a hundred times, and one he had his own copy of: them in each others' arms in a London park, autumn leaves swirling around them as they danced without any music. Even from this distance he could see the emotion in their eyes as they looked at one another— like they were the only two people in the world.

“Yeah,” Harry said, wiping a stray tear from his eyes, “I do.”

Read chapter 7 here!

Taglist: @sleep-i-ness, @blackpinkdolan, @parker-natasha, @ornella0910 @undertaker1827 @thatwierdo-koemi @nxstalgicnxbxdy @calaryssia @aleksanderwh0r3 @juggysgirlfriend @beautifulsweetschaos @kattirin @mialupin1

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dino-nugget7 · 3 years

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A Manifesto Against The School System

As of writing this I am a second year Public High School Teacher. I won’t be able to live with myself if I spend another year at it. Literally, I feel like a bit of a monster for deciding to finish out this school year rather than quitting right now. But we do what we must to survive, my students won’t be less oppressed because I left, and if nothing else, it gives me an opportunity to strategize about what I can do to aid in revolutionizing school because authentic alternatives to public school exist but none I have found have been intersectional enough to replace public education without excluding the kids who would most benefit from escaping the main school system here in America.

Some of the reasons I did not understand how oppressive school actually is, are that my interests and hobbies happened to align very neatly with the “core” classes, and that even though I grew up very poor and moved around a lot as a kid, we eventually settled and I went to a well funded high school that had just about any elective and/or after school club that I might be interested in trying and then some. During that time, I came to see school as a place where I could explore my passions and escape my home situation. So I figured I would love to pay it forward and go be a teacher.

I recognized at least, the privileged position I came from and decided I wanted to go learn how to teach in settings as different from my high school as possible. Which is why I went and got special permission for most of my classroom placements throughout the teaching program to be at alternative schools. In Colorado at least, alternative schools are small public schools which primarily serve students identified as “at risk”, which is shorthand for “Statistically more likely to drop out than the general population for one reason or another.”

I did not know when I asked to be placed in one, but learned within days of being there that most people that even know alternative schools exist, think of them as the places where “the bad kids” go. I realized very quickly that they are actually places filled with kids who have experienced a lot of trauma in and out of school and don’t respond to that trauma the way adults want them to respond. I came to adore kids at alternative schools because they remind me of my younger siblings.

Like my oldest brother, many of them find school mind numbingly easy and boring and have much more pressing matters to devote their mental energy to.

Like my middle brother, many of them have spent so much time around teachers who do not understand neurodivergence that have been convinced of the lie that they are weird, dumb and/or lazy and because of that, trying to participate in school is like hitting their head on a brick wall.

Like all of my brothers and my sisters, they have a ton of skills that they are brilliant at, but that are not prioritized by the school system, so they never pursue them, such as construction, music, makeup and programming.

Many, if not most of them come from living situations full of abuse and neglect and/or poverty so they don’t have the mental or emotional space to worry about much beyond survival, and not only haven’t learned how to make and achieve long term goals, but have never had the luxury of a stable enough environment for that kind of planning to be worthwhile.

All that being said, something that you only realize if you actually work in a few public alternative schools, as I have done through college and my current job, is that the name is actually an oxymoron.

What started me down the path of considering and researching all the ways school is an oppressive system, was a conversation I had with a student in my first year teaching. He was learning about chemical reactions and safety and asked me the infamous question, “Why do I have to learn about this?” to which I said “Because everything is chemicals and understanding how they can interact with one another and ways they can harm you can keep you safe when you do things like clean or cook.” To which he replied, “Well no offense but I have no idea how this shit relates to cooking and please don’t tell me because its not like I’m actually going to remember it when I am cooking, and I already know how to clean safely because of work. But you’re still going to make me learn this boring shit anyways so seriously, why do we have to learn about this?”

I paused to consider what he was asking. I had interpreted, as the system trained me to, that the question he was asking was, “what value does this knowledge hold?” But what he actually meant was “Why are you making me waste my time learning about this thing that I never asked to learn about?” So I replied, as a sort of test of my new understanding, “It’s part of the physical science curriculum the Education Department thinks is important for high schoolers to learn.” He was taken aback, “Wait, you don’t decide what stuff we learn about? What’s even the point of teachers then? Why don’t they just give us a list of all their stupid stuff they think we should know so we can get on with our lives?” He had a point and I have spent a lot of time reflecting on and growing from that conversation.

Sure, there are some key differences that make alternative schools slightly more tolerable than your standard 800-4,000 kid high school. Class sizes are smaller so students get more individualized help. We get funding to help students access things such as food, clothes, hygiene products, and healthcare and know students well enough that we actually know which kids are lacking these resources. We have slightly more leeway than traditional schools to create innovative lessons. We don’t give out homework.

But public alternative schools are still oppressive in most of the ways that the big schools are. I’m sure none of this will be a surprise to most readers, but I want you to really consider how restricted kids in public school are, how restricted you probably were in school as you read through this.

School starts early in the morning and students have to constantly shift mental gears throughout the day due to a tight schedule of constantly rotating classes and a very short lunch break. Throughout the day, bells tell students when they can’t or must move around or eat. Students have to ask when they need to go to the bathroom or get water and teachers cannot go at all outside of their plan period because students are not trusted to be in the classroom without an adult even for a few minutes. They have no control over who they share space with and very little control over their ability to leave that space if it conflicts with their needs. There is a strict dress code which disproportionately targets marginalized students. Students are expected to be sociable but not given nearly enough opportunities to actually socialize. The school keeps records of everything the student has ever gotten in trouble for, every class the student has taken, every grade they have received, their “class rank,” and every intervention program the student is part of. And like every public school, alternative schools must follow state curriculum standards and by extension, grading, data collection, and required testing. On the surface it might not seem like it, but that last point is actually the most insidious one and its the one that has followed students into remote learning during the pandemic.

According to the people who decide how schools work, there are four factors of student choice: These factors are Time, Place, Pace, and Path. For example, if I am running a unit on plate tectonics, rather than giving students a worksheet and telling them to work on it as we go through a slideshow and turn it in at the end of class, I could put them in groups, give them an online choice board of three different but roughly equivalent projects relating to plate tectonics to choose from, each with different rubrics for completion and tell them they can turn it in at any time in the next two weeks. And then instead of devoting class time to direct instruction, I would give them a variety of resources to peruse and teach them how to research more and let them choose what aspects of plate tectonics to focus on and how to present their information. Now, this is certainly a few steps in the right direction away from making kids sit in rows and listen to the teacher drone on about plate tectonics while they take notes. But it misses the most important factors of choice in my eyes, the things that I would be fired for if I actually gave them the choice about: How students spend their time and what they are allowed to prioritze.

None of this is to say that expecting kids to learn is inherently fucked up or that teaching inherently makes one an oppressive person. On the contrary, authentic teaching and learning are vital to our ability to solve our problems and grow as people. If all students were given the opportunities to spend their childhoods learning things that they were actually interested in, to explore the full breadth of knowledge that humans have compiled at their leisure without timelines or milestones except the ones they set for themselves, to socialize with people of all ages, to authentically participate in society both as learners and as educators, as leaders and as team members, the world wouldn’t be perfect, but it would be a lot less soul crushing.

Now, I mentioned at the beginning of this piece that authentic alternatives do exist. To get you started on researching what’s out there, I recommend starting with Sudbury schools and the unschooling movement.

But unless these models somehow miraculously become a large and accepted enough presence to get government funding, or money ceases its hold on us all, the public school system will be the only one that most students, especially impoverished students, transient students, english language learners, and disabled students (especially those with profound disabilities) will have access to. Which is a damn shame and a problem I am committed to trying to figure out how to contribute to solving because those are the students whose lives would be most radically transformed for the better if they got the opportunities that these models provide.

#school #anti school #oppression #manifesto #youth liberation #I am aware that this severely pushes how long people are willing to read for on Tumblr #but I needed to get it out there into the void

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maggyoutthere · 3 years

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| Red, Purple and Orange

This blog is now just me re-uploading stuff from my Amino accounts. More stuff from that AHIT Au I have. Spooky stuff with the Moonjumper. Also legit one of the things I'm the most proud of writing? Like ever?? I'm never repeating this again so hhh I wanna save it-

Anyways a few tws because this is a bit spooky. Nothing gory or unnerving happens but I know some people don't like just scary stuff in general so that's your warning

(this used to be divided in 2 parts but eh who needs that)

Red, purple and orange.

The whole manor was covered by them. Both inside and outside. Vivid warm colors embraced the whole building as if it was a strong loving hug from a long lost friend. It made the house itself warm. Red, purple and orange. These colors painted the empty dusty hallways as the house remained silent... or as silent as it could. The wooden floors and doors still creaked if touched, and the water running through the old pipes inside the walls made them rustle. The yellow light from outside created bridges of light as it entered through the windows. It had been a very very long time since something like that happened. Red, purple and orange. These colors painted the dusty and... not so empty hallways.

Hat Kid ran through the hallways of the manor. She giggled happily as her little feet thumped through the old wooden floors of the house, her yellow rubber boots squeaking as she ran. She'd put her yellow cape away since the weather started getting hotter. She'd never experienced something like this happening in Subcon. The cold Winter was over and Spring was rolling in with its warm sun and change of scenery. The kid had never seen the Subcon Forest so colorful. It was either always restricted to its ghostly dark purples or its ice-cold blues.

The trees were the most mesmerizing thing to look at. She'd never seen such colorful things. Their leafs were red, purple and orange. The tall trees towering over her and the entire village no longer seemed threatening or even scary. They looked like they'd come right out of a fairytale! The best part was that, when the sun was bright enough, like on that day, the leafs would reflect their colors on whatever was down below. As much as she loved the winter months she spent with her BFF and Vanessa, she couldn't fake it: she was absolutely amazed by this change of scenery.

A little after last year's Christmas, in the middle of January, Vanessa finally got the courage to give Hat Kid her very own Christmas gift. She felt bad for not giving the kid anything back on that day. And after the beautiful gift she'd given to her auntie... it didn't matter what it was. The point was that she found someone who she could trust. This little child who one day invaded her house, looking for some "time piece" thingy that Vanessa didn't even knew was there, had now become the closest she could call a friend.

On a cold winter morning, Vanessa woke up Hat Kid to a wonderful breakfast in bed and a small present. The queen explained to her the whole thing and offered her the shiny box. Still nomming on a freshly baked cookie, she teared through the wrapping paper, her eyes shining with enthusiasm. Inside the box was a small porcelain figure of a duck. Vanessa pulled it out of the box and showed Hat Kid the little key that was under it, as well as two wood wheels by its side. The queen turned the key a few times and set the toy down as Hat Kid watched, intrigued. The duck suddenly started moving, racing around the room! It went under the kid's bed and then around a few other toys scattered around the floor. The queen laughed as Hat Kid immediately jumped out of bed and started chasing the toy not just around the room, but around the whole manor, waking up everyone with her loud childish laughter.

Now, she was doing exactly the same, but not still in her pajamas. The brownish duck, with it's shiny yellow beak and shiny black eyes, raced down the corridors with the kid following right behind it. For some reason, some hallways were still pretty dark, even with all the light coming in from the windows. It's as if the light couldn't reflect on anything inside the manor, leaving the illuminated bits clear as day and, the rest of the manor, still pitch black. Like an immense dark void with only a few illuminated patches of floor scattered around, far away from eachother. If she wasn't careful enough, she could trip on things that were hidden in the dark, where she couldn't see them.

Red, purple and orange. The little duck turned the corner on one of the intersections and went to the left, away from the edge of the manor and into its inner corridors. There were no windows there. No light at all. Hat Kid felt hesitant, as if she knew she shouldn't even be there. But it was just a house, in fact, it was almost HER house now. She'd gotten so used to the peeled wallpaper and overall spooky vibe of the manor that it wasn't even scary anymore. And yet, she still felt like something was wrong. The hallway was completely dark, only the edge of the doorframe was visible. She couldn't tell where it led to. Her toy was going full speed into that corridor though. She couldn't lose her precious toy!

She took a deep breath, put on her determined expression and ran into the dark void. Her little feet still thumping loudly as she tried to listen for the squeaky sound of her toy as it echoed inside the corridor.

Red, purple, orange... and pitch black

Black.

She'd been running for a good few seconds now. Just straight forward. No looking back. That little toy of hers HAD to be somewhere around there. She could still hear it moving up ahead. She'd never really realised how fragile that thing probably was until now. I mean, it's porcelain! On wheels! A little crash or bump into some piece of furniture or even a wall might cause it to at least crack.

Hat Kid was finally starting to get legitimately worried. Where even was she? She'd sure never seen these parts of the manor. That was the only thing she still didn't feel familiar about the house: its layout. The manor played tricks on people, even on Vanessa, and she'd been living there for a very long time. Sure, it was big if seen from the outside, but once you'd step inside, you'd be bound to get lost if you didn't stay close to the windows. The inner corridors of the house were never blocked off. No warnings, no spooky tale about never going there, nothing. It was just common sense, something everybody around her knew, a rule that'd been taught by someone who not even time could remember by now. "Don't venture too deep into the manor. Don't go in the inner corridors of the house."

For some reason, she never really felt intrigued about it until now. Deep down, she knew she shouldn't go there. There didn't need to be any explanation or lesson to be taught. It was like one of those gut feelings; when, just by looking at something, you can tell it means danger. It makes you anxious. Not exactly scared, but unnerved, shaken. Like a primal fear of the darkness and the unknown. Suddenly, she snapped out of her train of thought. She thought she'd seen something. In the distance. What was that? Something was shining...

At the end of the dark void, she saw a light. There was another corridor there! An illuminated one! Oh thank goodness! She didn't knew how much longer she could've run for. She sprinted out of the corridor and back into the comforting light she left behind a few minutes ago.

Red, purple and orange.

The familiar sight immediately made her feel safe again. She was fine, everything was okay. She was still at home, nothing bad happened. Hat Kid leaned with her back against the wall behind her and took a deep breath. She then looked down and saw her toy next to her feet! It had probably reached the other end of the hallway and bumped into a wall. She crouched and picked it up.

After inspecting the toy for a few seconds, she could happily assure herself that it didn't had any cracks. She sighed in relief, turned the key on the toy's belly and dropped it. It creaked a little and speeded off down the new illuminated hallway. Hat Kid laughed and went back to her old self, chasing the toy again.

For a few minutes, it was like that whole incident was just a dream. The scary dark inner corridors of the manor seemed more like a nightmare than a memory now. It was just something that happened. She concluded that's just what it was: scary. The Subcon Forest was scary at first as well, but Hat Kid ended up getting used to it. The same applies to the manor that went from a haunted house to a home. But even those had somewhat of a "comforting" feeling to them. Subcon was dark, but Snatcher's "treehouse" was almost as cozy and bright as her own bedroom back in her ship. Vanessa's manor, despite being in bad shape, gained the feeling of an old home. It felt like a place you would go to spend the holidays or summer break. It had its charm and handful of funny secrets.

However, that corridor didn't share that house's same aesthetic. It felt odd, out-of-place. Maybe it was just too dark to even see anything at all, but just being there creeped her out. For some reason, she was fearing for her life, but there was nothing there that could hurt her. Well, not that she would be able to see it if it was there anyways. Now that she thought about it, what if there was something there? Something watching her? Something waiting? Something cruel, or even vile. Something...

Her train of thought was, yet again, interrupted by something outside of her own thoughts. She felt something. In the air. She could smell something. It was strong enough to pull her back into reality. The smell of something acid and bitter filled her tiny nose as she stopped on her tracks and covered her mouth and nostrils. What the peck WAS that?! It was so disgusting, so repugnant, enough to make her eyes tear up.

Red, purple and orange.

Her little toy slowed down and stopped right in front of her, just a few feet away. It stood still right in the middle of the long red carpet that covered the old wooden floor, illuminated by a window on the right side of the corridor. That stink was coming from somewhere near the toy, Hat Kid was sure of that. That same feeling came back. The primal fear of the darkness and the unknown. She had to get out of there. Something bad was going to happen. She just knew it. She had to get out of there now!

With the bit of bravery she had left, and with a free hand that wasn't covering her nose, she reached to grab her toy and run away as fast as possible. Then, out of the darkness, something quickly snatched her toy and pulled it into the black. Hat Kid jumped back. What... what was that?! What was happening? Was someone toying with her? Playing tricks on her? Was this Snatcher's doing? He sure loved to scare the kid, but she thought everyone was too busy doing their royal duties to play with her. She'd never seen her BFF using something like what she saw. What pulled her toy were a few shiny red ribbons. No, strings. Red strings, just quickly flowing and cutting through the air, fast enough for the kid's reflexes.

Hat Kid grasped her stomach. She felt like she was gonna throw up from the frightening atmosphere and the nauseous smell. Screw that toy. Vanessa would understand. She just needed to get out of there. She just needed to talk to someone who might know what was actually happening. The light from outside no longer seemed so inviting anymore. It was getting dark outside. The colors became cold and gained a certain blue-ish hue.

- Auntie! Auntie Ness! Help me! - the kid yelled as she lifted her head, hoping to make the sound somehow louder. And, as she did, she saw what was causing that smell.

Red, purple and orange

And yet...

she wished it was all black.

#ahit #a hat in time #ahit au #a hat in time au #hat kid #moonjumper #red purple and orange #short story #spoopy #spooky #here it is-#this is the ultimate highlight of ny writing career #it will never get better than this and wow that's kinda sad

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youarejesting · 4 years

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Quarantine.3

[Masterlist] Pairing: BTS x reader (i don’t know if this will have ships or just friendship or what I am just letting it run its course) Genres: friendship, drama, romance Rating: All Summary: Your brother works with a few BigHit dance teams and whilst having permission to accompany him at work the city shuts down banning anyone from stepping outside for a whole WEEK while they disinfect the streets. If you step outside you might get arrested, shot or poisoned by the chemicals they are emitting through the city. Words: 3.1k Announcement: I have 901 followers this. I can’t thank you guys enough. Stay safe. (this has a tiny inspiration from the movie exit and that is that they can’t go outside that’s about it)

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 4] [Tag Yourself Here]

Again sleep evaded you, leaving you pissed. Ready to destroy your brother's clock because it just kept ticking. Unable to take it any longer you left the room strolling through the hallway like a zombie. You moved through the building to many floors you knew you definitely should not have been on but you were ready to use your foreigner card. The one that allowed you to walk into restricted areas. All you had to do was look at them and say.

‘I am sorry, I don’t speak Korean’ and when they try to translate it to you, ‘I am sorry, I didn’t know I can’t read any signs’. This was a great way to feed your curiosity and get in some snooping. The fifth floor was full of recording studios. It was quiet, the whole building was still. Yet here you were walking in some mang slippers that were way too big for your feet. As you walked passed the doors you heard a faint sound coming from inside a studio.

Finding the studio named ‘Genius Lab’ emitting such a beautifully inviting melody you were met with the stark contrast of the studio door. Trying not to laugh, there was a doorbell, a keypad lock and there was a mat that said ‘go away’ with a cat giving the middle finger. Someone didn’t want people to enter. You kept walking along but ended up at the stairwell heading up another flight.

The sixth floor looked different. It was like a high-end office; the floors were buffed and it was so open, it made the other floors look like a shed and the basement like a hole in the side of a mountain. You knew it represented the tiers of people in the business so it was probably right that you spent most of your time underground. You didn’t step onto that floor going back down to the fifth. Slowly watching your feet as you retrace your steps along the corridor. Startled you fell back as you received a door to the face.

“ah joesonghabnida, ah sorry sorry” he couldn’t stop laughing. Feeling so tired you just laid there on the ground staring at the ceiling, but this to him was pure comedy.

“Are you okay?” He called, you blinked eyes barely open, he stepped over you and walked around until he could crouch by your head. Yoongi looked absolutely stunning above you especially when he was amused. What you didn’t know was he thought you looked equally beautiful below him. “Are you sleep geodgi… Ah, I mean sleepwalking?”

“I wish I could sleep” your voice was more like a croak from the lack of use, “I haven’t slept in days and it’s making my head hurt”

He straightened you up onto your feet and he walked with you back to where you were supposed to be staying. He wished you good luck and continued on to the BTS meeting room. You laid there trying to meditate, count sheep, anything but it wasn’t working. The air seemed stale and it was too quiet. His laptop on his desk had a blinking light and you couldn’t sleep.

The next morning you walked down the stairs slowly gripping the rail not trusting yourself. You had been like this before, usually, able to stay awake for two whole nights but when the third night came you would pass out. Everyone had gathered around on the first floor talking about something.

Leaning over to a young man, he was short and stocky. His hair looked odd as it fell limp against his face like it had been cut for a specific styling technique but you assumed everyone was living without their hair and face products. “what are they talking about?”

“They got an alert today saying that the Information centre had food supplies. The Yongsan Health centre has our supplies for this area. But they need a volunteer to go collect the supplies for this building, they are just calculating how much they would need and no one wants to go”

The people awkwardly shuffled, they were scared. Whether it was lack of sleep or because you felt like you had been freeloading on their supplies, you found yourself stepping forward to volunteer, “I can get the supplies” The man looked relieved handing you the suit. You looked at them and began putting it on, some people helped you. Looking out over the crowd you saw Jungkook and Hoseok the two looked confused for a second pointing at you before running off.

Assuming they were going to get your brother you quickly asked for a map of how to get there. They drew up a map and handed you a long-range walkie talkie. With a deep breath, you sealed the suit and started the breathing piece. It took a long time to get through the streets and you followed the instructions, it was going good until you came across something that wasn’t on the map.

“Hello, this is y/n, I seem to have come across a small intersection that wasn’t on the map. There are two parallel streets going diagonal to my right. Is it the first or second street that I am supposed to take when turning right” you waited and there was no response. “Okay, can I ask that you put, mister y/l/n on the walkie talkie or even Kim Namjoon as I am comfortable talking with the two?”

“Hello, this is Kim Namjoon. Your brother is both pissed and restrained at the moment. How can I help?” “Okay the map says turn right but there are two streets to my right, can you tell me exactly which right am I to take the first or the second?”

“Uh… Okay, I will check the map for a second, Jimin, hold this?”

“Hello, friend” Jimin’s voice came through the radio

“Annyong, Jiminie. Eotteohge jinae?”

“Joh-eun”

“That’s good, I am just standing in the middle of the street, I am bored”

A sweet song came through the radio and you listened and felt your body swaying. His voice seemed to fog up your brain but it made you feel special that he was singing for you. Trying to ignore the discussion in the background on what street to take. You decided to just start walking. You were wasting time and the air filter. Trusting your gut you headed down the first and looked at the map if this was the case you would reach the centre on your right.

“That’s a really pretty song Jimin, what is it about?” Grinning as you had found the place, you listened to Jimin speak flustered. You stepped inside the building and handed over the form. They wheeled over a canvas wagon with a long handle, the whole thing was the size of a single bed and up to your hip.

“Uh, it is about my love for you” Your cheeks turned pink, “I can be uh… whatever Jimin you want me to be?”

“I want you to be you Jiminie, that’s the Jimin I like the best. The one that is real. Not filters but natural Jimin.” Turning to the people and asking specifically if they had any extra products that weren’t foodstuff and they looked at you, you did some bargaining and you left with a few extra things. Jimin had become too flustered and handed the walkie talkie to an equally flirty Seokjin.

“Hello, It is I handsome Jin. I am here to cure your loneliness” He said making an exaggerated kissing sound into the walkie talkie. You felt like the lack of sleep and the situation was making you goofier and more giggly. They sent you off, you pulled the wagon along it was heavy and you were getting more and more tired. It was hard to pull the wagon down the street and you were outside the building.

“My loneliness is killing me, and I, I must confess that I still believe still believe”

“Ya! Spears! Britney Spears?” he laughed into the device as you rounded the corner walking down the main street the building insight.

“Okay hello again, we figured it out it is the first street,” Namjoon’s voice came through the walkie, laughing as you had already gotten back to the building. You pulled the wagon inside and everyone turned excited, some cheered and whistled while others were talking about the bravery of westerners. You pulled off the top of the suit taking in the open air, feeling a little dizzy.

“Something tells me she already knows that Joonie,” Hoseok laughed patting your back, Namjoon sighed in relief. Almost tackled by your brother, you tried to stay upright while he looked you over for any injuries. He scolded you openly in front of everyone but you were too busy stepping out of the suit. Wrapping your arms around him, “You were scared I get it, but I am fine, relax it’s over”

Eating lunch, you finished quickly heading to the basement for a shower, wheeling a heavy wagon across the streets of Yongsan was tiring and left you sweaty. When you opened the door, however, you saw the glorious figure of Seokjin, he was not wearing a towel but was thankfully facing away from you. Apologising and shutting the door, your mind flooded with images of his shoulders. How could they be so wide you wanted to hug him, hold them in your hands and rest your head against them.

He stepped out and grinned at your pink cheeks, He thought you looked cute all pink like that. Throwing you a wink as you ducked past him. The shower was perfect, your muscles relaxed and you were feeling cleaner already. Washing your hair, it sounded as if the door to the bathroom had opened but when you peaked your head out there was no one there. You continued showering, hearing the noise again. Again it was no one.

You tried to ignore the noise, hearing it a few more times. Until Jimin’s voice called out. You only understood Jin’s name the word hurry and shower so you assumed he was complaining about how long Jin was in the shower for. Before you had a chance to respond he spoke again and the shower stall door pushed open. Jimin was staring at you shirtless. Having just enough time to wrap a towel around yourself you knew he had gotten a glimpse of your body. He was frozen staring back and forth between you and the bathroom and with one singular apology, he left the room. You quickly finished up getting dressed and went to the storage room to hang out your clothes.

Taking the elevator upstairs you were walking back to b/n’s (brothers name) office. As you passed the Bangtan meeting room you heard laughing. You had missed Jimin’s recount of exactly what had transpired memories replayed in his head. He had given details about the way your hips curved and the likeliness of your breast feeling like soft pillows. You only heard him groan in what you thought was in embarrassment “I can’t look at her in the eye again?”

“It’s fine, so you saw her naked, Jin just said she saw him naked” You knocked on the door and Taehyung answered his face splitting into a boxy grin, his imagination working overtime with only what he had heard from Jimin.

“The shower is free, please tell Jimin it’s okay, I am not mad or anything” Sighing you gave a wave which he returned grabbing your hand and giving it a squeeze before walking away you heard laughing.

“She isn’t mad, maybe she likes you and that’s why she doesn’t care if you saw” Taehyung teased his friend. “She looked really tired?” “Yeah she hasn’t been sleeping” Yoongi added “On the plus side we don’t have to practice if there is no tour in the foreseeable future”

“And what if there is a cure tomorrow” You smile at the playful bickering but don’t stay any longer as you aren’t an eavesdropper”

Stepping into b/n’s office you sat at his desk trying to find your favourite sleep music. Hoping that if you found it you might have a chance at sleeping. You spent hours trying to find it but couldn’t remember the name, only the picture. You gave up heading to dinner. You were dragged over by Taehyung to their table. He sat you across from Jimin trapped between Taehyung himself and Jungkook both amused. Eating together Yoongi asked you if you had managed to get some sleep and you shook your head and almost fell over.

“I guess I am a fussy sleeper, but I like when it is dark and there is like air moving across my face and there is this sleep music I use. It's like one tone and it really helps me sleep” they listened, relaying their sleep habits.

“I like to sleep holding someone” Taehyung frowned “but the others don’t let me”

“If you need a cuddle buddy Tae, I like cuddles” you leaned over resting your head on his arm tired. His heart sped up and a few of them felt almost jealous at this statement. After dinner you walked upstairs going to try and sleep again, hoping that the adventure had tired you out. Reaching the top of the stairs, your head began to spin. Before you could topple over backwards you felt a hand on your back. Jungkook led you away from the stairs sliding his arm under yours and behind your back he watched your head fall forward.

“Are you okay?” He caught you as your legs gave out and carried you in his arms.

“I think she might have passed out,” Jungkook said as he stepped into the meeting room.

They walked over to see you asleep ahead resting against Jungkook’s chest. Clearing off the couch he lowered your body onto it. You looked so tiny in Jungkook's arms and when they tucked you in, you curled up even smaller.

“Hmm with the light out the storage room is pitch black and I can see about the sound maybe her brother might know and I can recreate it” Yoongi hummed looking around at Jimin who gestured to the air purifier

“We have this, do you think that could work”

“That might work,” Namjoon said.

“Jungkook and I will carry her to the basement?” Hoseok said collecting some bedding and watching Jungkook carry your body against him to the service elevator.

“Words, I never thought I would hear from you?” Yoongi laughed. They laid out a futon and your sleeping bag and they positioned the air purifier so it would create a small breeze across your face. Your brother remembered the name of the music you listened to and they moved a set of speakers down to the basement and started playing it. The moment it played your body relaxed under the Sleeping bag and you rolled onto your stomach they left you to your peaceful sleep.

It was refreshing. You were dreaming that you were walking next to someone but every time you looked over their face would change. It was a mix of all the bangtan boys. You woke confused, it was pitch black and you didn’t know where you were, that was until you caught a familiar scent. You moved across the room and turned on the light. Looking back you felt a warm sensation, the boys had done all this for you. Checking the time you had been asleep for several solid hours.

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 4] [Tag Yourself Here]

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fymagnificentwomcn · 4 years

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What are your thoughts about Silhatar Mustafa?

Mhm pretty much indifferent to him, but as many, deserved so much better?

I mean later on he was horrible, but he wasn’t himself anymore following Gevherhan’s death and his disastrous marriage to Atike.

When we meet him we know he’s Murad’s best friend and has a reputation as ladies man, seems like a guy seriously devoted to his work, but having a messy private life lol.

The person he seems most attached to was Murad, we see he is very much concerned about his well-being and happiness, for example he is very glad seeing Murad being happy after a ride with Farya (later changes his attitude towards her after the pig incident). He also has a soft spot for Ayşe (in platonic sense), which mirrors Ibrahim’s fondness for Mahi due to being treated as part of their family (and this relationship stays strong until the end, even in her last episode, he pleads on her behalf with Murad).

It’s clear he and Kösem aren’t great friends, but they both have learned how to co-operate with each other for Murad’s sake, he also seems to have similar relations with the rest of family – there doesn’t seem to be exceptional closeness between him and the rest of the family other than Murad, but everybody manages to get along.

The show starts when Mu/rat loses his previous main male favourite (and I don’t intend here any romantic undertons either ahaha) aka Musa, and Silahtar is given his position. In later flashback scene we see what Mu/rat expects of him – absolute loyalty. Obviously Musa has left big shoes to fill in and Silahtar is undoubtedly aware of this.

Suddenly Silahtar’s professional life and his messy private life intersect because he gets caught between two sultanas – one which he begins to have feelings for and the other who begins chasing after him for a change.

He was well aware Gevherhan might be too far above him and perhaps got scared about having for the first time real feelings for a woman, so he entered into what he thought a casual relationship with Ester. However, he could have sensed that Ester wanted something more, she was pretty vocal about bearing her loneliness aka widowhood badly and wanting to have someone by her side long-term. Then he actually did decide to pursue Gev and like he said start a new chapter with his life, close the previous messy private life and start anew with the woman he truly loved. He also intended to immediately come clean to Mu/rat and ask for Gev’s hand, even at the risk of being executed.

Ironically, what proved to be an obstacle was not where he actually was at fault (Ester), but where he was innocent (Atike).

As I said, Ester serves here as foil to Atike – she has much better reasons to be bitter and want revenge, but ultimately she draws a line and leaves the matter. And LBR nobody would have cared so much about her as about a sultana… but this sultana is lying, even if she herself believes in her delusions.

The whole situation truly gives me Atonement vibes, and as in Atonement it has a bad ending, but here it gets a bit more complicated because of Silahtar’s love and loyalty being connected also with another person – Murad.

I said it multiple times – in the end the real love triangle is Silahtar-Gevherhan-Murad.

As I mentioned in the beginning, from beginning Silahtar is very protective of his friend and sultan and also wants to do as best as he can in his job. He is also a bit naïve about Murad – during the Kasim matter, he scolds Kemankeş for having helped Kösem hide the truth, but he himself has no bad intentions and does not want Kasim hurt – he believes Murad will not pursue the matter as far as he ultimately does.

Similarly, he makes digs at Kemankes to not switch sides for Kösem’s.

When he asks Murad for Gev’s hand, he is sure his friend will treat him at least justly. But boy he was disappointed. Murad doesn’t even ask him about the whole matter and trusts Atike blindly. Then puts him in that praying cell to make Silahtar understand that the most important thing in his life is his padişah and absolute loyalty to him.

To make matters worse, once Silahtar is released from prison, his “friend” decides to complete the “lesson” with “absolute loyalty test” – marry Atike.

Murad is well aware Silahtar does not love Atike and does not want to marry her. He actually uses his beloved (?) little sis and traps her in marriage that has no chances of being ever happy to test Silahtar’s loyalty.

And Silahtar, traumatised and brainwashed by everything – chooses loyalty to Murad. Of course if he had said no, he would have been executed (though Gev would have more strength to live seeing he didn’t abandon her), but he still chooses a sad life trapped in his private life with a woman he now despises… what is left is truly only Murad and his service to him.

In a way, it’s strange that following Gev’s demise Silahtar becomes obsessed with the person who caused him this misery – but at the same he lost everything, all he has left is Murad, he made his choice, chose Murad, so now all he can do is stick to his choice and save what he still has.

When Murad comes to Silahtar when the latter is mourning Gevherhan we see he has learned his lessons by now – Murad is distraught because his mother told him he was guilty of his sister’s suicide, so Murad (as always) makes his friend’s pain be about him and asks whether it’s true. Silahtar now knows what answer Murad expects and states that “all our lives and our paths, life and death, belong to you” and remarks that if Gev had accepted Murad’s will as we all should, she would have been alive. It’s deeply sad to state, but Silahtar knows Murad truly wants no other answer than this. However, before Murad’s appearance, Silahtar recalled telling Gev that only she made him feel alive and now he tells Murad he is practically dead and trapped in his life, and that he needs to live with his pain and regret forever. He actually says similar thing to Atike - yes, he chose loyalty to Murad over the woman he loved and now has to bear the consequences for the rest of his life. Atike, of course, does not get it and still belives they might have a happy ending.

It’s a very dark reality for him now, no wonder he pretty much loses his mind out of this grief, and it only gets worse because he realises Atike will never divorce him and will not even rest until he tries to be a husband to her.

When he comes to her and they “kiss” he taunts her to divorce him and sees that even when he mocks her she’s so obsessed with him, she won’t go let go no matter what. Kösem actually would be happy to see Atike divorcing Silahtar because we know she never liked him, the only obstacle is Atike’s obsession. So later he tries to play the husband part even though it’s clear he continues to despise her.

Ironically, he develops sort of his own obsession, but with Murad. Pretty much tries to remove everyone around Murad and most sadly tries to turn Murad against his mother and brothers. He suggests both changing the law and putting Murad’s brothers to kafes, which is an action very uncharacteristic of his old self. Still, it’s clearly not a vendetta against Murad because we see he still clearly cares about him, e.g. when he hides from him the fact that Farya (whom he strongly dislikes) had connection with Murad’s children death. He does confide it in Kösem though because he knows that while she will scold Farya, she will also keep quiet not to cause Murad any more pain. It again proves that while these two never liked each other much, they were able to set their differences aside for Murad’s sake.

This is not just restricted to his family, but also to Murad’s other men – Abaza, Kemankeş – because he shows Murad the letter from Kösem to Kemankes not only to strike at her, but to make Murad doubt Kemankeş too and he taunts Kemankeş with being Kösem’s spy (which is true because now Kemankeş is reporting Kösem Murad’s tyrannical behaviour, the opposite of what he was sent to Kösem, I love this irony sm ngl)

Kemankeş however is not interested in becoming Murad’s male favourite, but a new serious rival pops up – Yusuf. And a new triangle emerges 😊 Silahtar cannot hide his jealousy at all, even Atike notices it, though as always she mistakes it as him being jealous of her, same with Kemankeş who taunts Silahtar that Yusuf’s relationship with Murad curiously resembles his relationship with “someone else”.

I really despair we didn’t get more of Silahtar/Yusuf/Murad thing NGL, but I’m sure it would have gone this way if Caner had not left the show, I doubt Silahtar would have ever abandoned Murad at that stage, especially since historically he was his most loyal man until the end (“the person who was always loyal and genuinely attached to him since his youth” as Du Loir suggests) and was even in terrible despair upon Murad’s death, sooo.

In short again, he’s not among my fave characters, but he truly deserved so much better because he was living in actual hell and dark place later on, and ironically Murad was well aware of this as he remarked over his body that “for some people living is so painful, they feel trapped and in chains, death is actually relief for them, and only those who remain suffer” (aka exact repetition of what Sil told Murad about Gev following her death).

- Joanna

#Anonymous #answered #silahtar mustafa pasha #magnificent century: kosem #murad iv #gevherhan sultan #atike sultan #ester kira #muhteşem yüzyıl kösem #mck #mods opinions

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bumblebee-moreno · 3 years

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I just wanna make a quick post about interacting with kids, because people on here seem to not know how kids work. (quick note before I start though: this is all spoken from my experience in working with kids--I do not have children of my own. I volunteer every year at an elementary school, working closely with younger kids who are struggling with learning certain subjects but don’t necessarily qualify for special ed (COVID has put a pause on this but I fully intent to resume as soon as it is safe to do so.) I am also a facilitator for a support group through a nonprofit--I’m part of the team in charge of facilitating the middle school group (ages 11/12-14). I didn’t really want to make this post because a lot of people get offended by these viewpoints, but the more I observe how kids are being treated by the adults in their life, the more I realise I need to say something.)

***I encourage you to reblog and add your own thoughts: I want to have an open discussion about this.

Ok, first of all: Kids are a LOT smarter than you think they are.

The problem is, they don’t know how to communicate and apply this yet. Calling them dumb and treating them as if they have nothing to offer conversations doesn’t support their development at all; in fact, it is one of the easiest ways to discourage a kid. This doesn’t mean turn off your filter and talk to kids the same way you’d talk to your friends. It just means, genuinely listen to their perspective and allow them to be part of intelligent conversations. Kids can’t learn responsible, mature ways to communicate if you don’t give them the opportunity to try it.

One city in Colorado did a project that got kids involved in city development. In fact, this project was so successful that they are still continuing it! The classroom I volunteer in did a project inspired by this a few years ago. The first grade classroom was tasked with creating a city that could be applicable to real life. Their only restrictions were that they had to include four things: recreation, housing, jobs, and education. How they did that and what else they included was up to them. They were allowed to be as creative as they’d like.

The teacher, other volunteer and I expected the city they made to be something out of a fantasy world. What we saw, though, was absolutely incredible.

The kids created a detailed park complete with a pond for wildlife, a pool for recreation, walking trails, parking, wheelchair ramps, disability accessible bathrooms, community gardens, playgrounds designed specifically for younger kids, and another for older ones. They included apartment buildings and bus stations. They added traffic lights to intersections and lowered speed limits nearby their school. They made several large public schools, as well as a college (which they insisted, unprompted, was low-income accessible. They made a hospital and a fire station.

Their instructions were only to create a city with only four boxes to check. They weren’t required to do any more than build the layout of it. But when we asked them to give us a tour of their city, they not only told us what each building was: they described laws that protected minorities. They told us about what roles people would have in their city, including the roles of kids.

No, it wasn’t to the great detail and precision that an adult could. Yes, there were many holes in their creation that would cause problems in the real world. They obviously weren’t thinking in terms of budget or government restrictions. But in a way, that made their ideas so much better. They weren’t tied down by the expectations adults had. They added features that we’ve been fighting for for years, such as basic accessibility, both physical and financial (such as their insistence about free college education).

Kids’ lack of experience doesn’t make them stupid. In fact, I believe it’s part of what makes them so smart. They observe the world around them and aren’t seeing things in terms of criticism and limits. They see something that needs to change, and they aren’t afraid to come up with creative ideas to make that change.

Talking at kids doesn’t do shit.

Telling a kid to do something or not to do it is probably the quickest way to encourage them to do the exact opposite.

But you know what I’ve found works almost every time? TWO WAY CONVERSATIONS!

Saying “don’t talk to people like that” is a very easy way to not change behaviour. Rather, help them understand why they shouldn’t talk a certain way.

When working with young children, I usually start off with saying “When you said [x], my feelings were hurt because...” And then they usually figure it out for themselves that they said the wrong thing.

This works so much better because:

1) the kid doesn’t get defensive. When you scold them for misbehaving, they quickly learn to guard themselves from that. When you can calmly explain to them what was wrong about that situation, they’re less likely to try to protect themselves from your words: because they won’t need to.

2) They learn exactly what was wrong about what they said. When you just tell them they’re wrong but refuse to talk to them about how or why they did something hurtful, they can’t always take it the right way. When a kid says “you look dirty” and you tell them that’s rude, they don’t understand why. In their heads, that may have been them trying to say you have mud smeared on your pants, or you have food spilled on your shirt: they may have just been trying to help you. When you explain to them exactly what about that statement was hurtful, and perhaps offer a kinder way to say it, they’ll recognise their mistake much quicker and remember it better.

3) They’ll learn how to express their own feelings in a much more healthy way. Kids learn from their surroundings. When you snap at them for making a mistake, you teach them to do the same. Then, later on down the road, you may hurt their feelings, and they may lash out at you. When you teach them to communicate more openly, they’ll learn how to address their problems in a productive manner.

4) It gives them the opportunity to problem solve. When you say “this hurt because” instead of “you’re wrong”, it allows them to come to the conclusion that they made a mistake on their own. It’s basically the child-equivalent of providing someone with sources to try to disprove them. Except when it’s taught from a young age, they’ll learn to accept the criticism instead of attack it.

On a related note, when you see a problem coming up repeatedly, or a child is growing upset about something: Share your feelings about the situation, ask them to share theirs, and then help them come up with solutions.

Mistakes are healthy

Stopping a young person from making a mistake isn’t always helpful. Obviously, if they’re about to hurt themselves or others, stop them. But if it’s a little mistake, let them make it. And then talk to them about it. Help them come up with ways to first fix this mistake and then to avoid making the mistake again in the future.

It conveys the message of “you’re human and mistakes are normal: I’m here for you.” instead of the message of “You can’t do anything right, just let me do it for you.”

You can’t learn and grow as a person if you’re never allowed to put yourself out there and make mistakes. Give young people the chance to try things themselves: but make it clear you’re here for them when they need support.

Listen to them.

This piggybacks off of a lot of what I said above, but listening to kids is important.

When a teenager says they need help, it’s far more effective to ask them how you can help them than it is to tell them why they’re struggling and then refuse to help them solve it. I can’t tell you how many kids I’ve had reach out to me saying they feel alone because of this. They’ll come to me saying that they went to their parent to say they feel depressed (or even are on the brink of hurting themselves in some way), only to be met with “well you should think about how I feel” or “you’re just being dramatic.”

When a kid says something hurt them, LISTEN TO THEM. Kids’ feelings are every bit as complex as those of an adult. You don’t turn 18 and suddenly have a real brain with real emotions. You have that your whole life; humanity doesn’t come with age. experience based decisions do.

And, spoiler alert: kids know themselves better than you do. No, this doesn’t mean when your 11 year old refuses to eat vegetables or brush their teeth, you can shrug and say “well they know themselves best”. This means when they try to share how they’re feeling (ESPECIALLY when they’re sharing a feeling about something you did), listen to them and try to compromise when it’s reasonable to do so. If you hurt their feelings--apologise. If they feel like they deserve more freedom, offer up ideas for how they can earn your trust.

TL;DR: Kids aren’t brainless creatures you can ignore and wonder why they aren’t becoming functional adults. They don’t lack intelligence: they lack a method to communicate that intelligence

Treating kids like adults (in an age-appropriate way) gives them the opportunity to learn the skills needed to act like adults when they’re thrown into the real world. You can’t treat them like they’re dumb their whole life and then ask why they’re not succeeding.

#This post mostly references young kids but it applies to kids of all ages #childcare #kids #teenagers #tips for interacting with kids #some of y'all wonder why kids aren't listening to you???#I honestly can't believe these things have to be said #I just...#*sighs*#I have more to say on this but the post was getting long and its late #come talk to me about this #I genuinely want to hear other perspectives

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pumpkinpaix · 4 years

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hi, same anon, thanks for the response. @the user who replied on the ask though, please relax, i asked in a very civil manner and there was no leading or "stone throwing" involved; i was on anon for my own privacy/safety, and i asked in the first place genuinely to clarify for my own comfort and wellbeing with absolutely no desire to "start something". im only following up because the assumptions in that users reply felt unfounded. regardless—sorry if i caused u anxiety, it wasnt my intention.

hi there, anon! no problem! I appreciate that you came to me to ask about it instead of immediately lashing out based on conclusions you drew (which has happened before).

as for @tonyglowheart, roz is a good friend of mine, and I hope you’re willing to bear with me for yet another essay a few moments regarding what she said.

Both of us have been around a long time and been witness to Some Shit as they say. Your tone was indeed very civil and neutral! But the subject matter at hand inherently isn’t, and both of us have seen anons who start off playing neutral/nice turn hostile on a dime the second they get an answer they don’t like (or they were always fishing for dirt in the first place). I’ve seen this happen over and over again to a lot of people I respect, fandom after fandom, where their words have been twisted, misinterpreted, used against them to the point where the repercussions have lasted over a decade. Fandom drama, unfortunately, whether we like it or not, can have real and devastating effect on people. I’m not going to cite examples here, though I can bring up several just off the top of my head. When I got your ask, several of my friends advised me against answering it at all, because we were all immediately wary of where this could have gone. 

I totally understand being on anon for your own privacy and safety! that’s what it’s there for, and that’s why I leave it on. but please remember that if you’re on anon, I have no choice but to answer any question you pose publicly (or ignore it altogether) and that whatever I say will be inextricably tied to my identity. If I want to have a conversation, I do not have the option to keep it private. when the subject is sensitive like it was in this case, I have to spend time weighing the potential consequences of what I say and what it will mean for my own well-being. whether or not you have malicious intentions doesn’t control whether or not other people will, and since posting the answer, I’ve been checking my inbox compulsively to see whether I’ve gotten any hate, whether people I like and trust have decided I’m no longer worth their time because that’s the sort of thing I’ve seen happen over smaller things. A lot. And it’s gotten worse in recent years with the rise of cancel culture etc.

none of this is your fault, of course! it’s just the unfortunate intersection of a lot of different factors all clashing. so there’s no need to apologize for causing anxiety (though I do appreciate it! thank you!)--by the nature of the situation, it was unavoidable.  

I hope you can understand why I was grateful to see roz in the replies, because I was quite scared, and it’s very comforting to know that, if it turned out I’d made a bad judgment call by being earnest in my reply and you were trying to hurt me or “start something” as it were, there would be at least one person in my corner willing to publicly fight in my defense. it’s true she jumped towards a more hostile tone immediately, but again, you’re anon, and she has nothing to go on but her own experience and your words. and like I said, our collective experience has shown that it is often not safe to trust that anons asking about certain subjects are asking in good faith, regardless of tone. I won’t apologize on her behalf because I don’t want to put words in her mouth. 

that being said, I really am thankful that you followed up and let me know that you have no ill intentions, because it does bring me a lot of relief. i’m glad to know that there are, in fact, still people who ask questions on anon without malice.

#god...... this really is a Whole Essay.... AGAIN #i don't even think there's any sense in my apologizing for it #as i think it's quite clear that i don't do a good job of trying to modulate my behavior on that front #it seems disingenuous to apologize for something I know is just going to continue #the point is #i really do wish you the best anon!!#I hope this wasn't too exhausting to parse ;;;#obviously feel free to leave this blog and never return that is also well within your rights #thank you again!#Anonymous #asks and replies #AH LOOK ON MOBILE IT CUTS OFF PART OF MY RESPONSE #LITERALLY. WHY #god if anyone saw this earlier on mobile pls see it on desktop #idk why tumblr is so broken all the goddamn time

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blockchaingame2065ca-blog · 4 years

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WisdomTree Bitcoin ETF program confirmation! THE UNITED STATES SEC chairman is about to abdicate, the decision-making attitude of the rest of the three committee people?

On the 17th of the month, the US Securities and Swap Commission (SEC) published the ETF app documents submitted from the asset management organization WisdomTree Trust. It really is expected to consist of commodity futures contracts in the four fields of power, agriculture, commercial metals and precious metals as expense portfolios. Another 5% will be committed to the Chicago Mercantile Exchange (CME) Bitcoin futures agreement. This is also after the SEC rejected the Bitcoin ETF app jointly released by Wilshire Phoenix and the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE Arca) by the end of February this year. , Another challenge to break through. So far, more than a dozen Bitcoin ETF applications have been withdrawn beneath the regulatory pressure of the SEC. Several setbacks have long caused the market to fall into a pessimistic disposition; in the seemingly bleak outlook, why is WisdomTree? Dare to propose a Bitcoin ETF once the global market is within a state of exhaustion? Perhaps this is related to modifications in SEC employees. In the 19th of this month, the U.S. Section of Justice (DOJ) issued an announcement stating that then President Donald Trump intended to nominate SEC Chairman Jay Clayton as the alternative to Geoffrey S. Berman, Federal government Attorney for that Southern District of NY. ) Candidates for the positioning; It is realized that the Senate is currently considering the visit of Clayton, that is expected to get effect on the 3rd of next month at the earliest. Some people believe that Clayton's resignation as chairman from the SEC is really a big success for cryptocurrency followers; with regards to its influence on the, Clayton's power in america is second only to Trump, but in recent years, the relationship between Clayton's SEC and the can be said to have worsened, which includes litigation against multiple initial coin offerings (ICO) and vetoing Bitcoin ETF apps and many more. You must know that every action used by the SEC changes the thinking of various countries for the cryptocurrency sector. Their past behaviour towards Kik, Telegram or Facebook have got gradually led to a shift in the focus of the innovation revolution in the United States and slow funds investment. Slowly result in Europe, China and other places. Related topics: SEC�UTelegram traders now ask for a refund of 72% from the funds! If you believe Lot for another 12 months, you can get back 110% Now, if Clayton simply leaves the chairmanship from the SEC, what changes might eventually the attitude from the SEC? Standing of SEC Insiders After Clayton stepped down, the SEC presently has three main figures who've the power to choose major issues. To begin with, Hester Peirce, the "crypto mother" that has long supported the introduction of cryptocurrencies such as for example Bitcoin; when Wilshire Phoenix's app was rejected final period, Pierce criticized the SEC's quick changes in evaluation standards and claimed that the SEC had used the blame. All point to Bitcoin, an unregulated product that is to be seen. Related subjects: US SEC "Crypto Mom" ??Peirce is nominated by Trump to re-appoint until 2025, awaiting Senate approval There is no doubt that Pierce will definitely vote for WisdomTree's ETF application. Next, what we must see may be the new commissioner of the SEC, Allison Herren Lee. She actually is an average Democrat. Without the voting discipline like a reference sign, she could be expected to embrace a relatively conventional approach. However, in the Bitcoin ETF software case, it is problematic for us to speculate Lee's decision from the politics standpoint, so she actually is classified being an unknown. The last one, Elad Roisman, is a Republican straight nominated by Trump and a key vote in the Bitcoin ETF proposal. What choice will he create? Ruizman's decision Ruizman took office in September 2018. Previously, he was the principle legal counsel from the U.S. Senate Committee on Banking, Casing and Urban Matters (BHUA). He furthermore served around the NYSE Euronext ) The experience of the position, the profound insights into asset management, international financing and capital market, the influence shouldn't be underestimated. In the case of the United States, the SEC has quite strict restrictions on which objects people are permitted invest in. This is why both Bitcoin ETFs or ICOs need to be reviewed by the SEC after many years of approval procedures; by the end of this past year, Ruizman also I once stated that defining the investment qualifications of investors is the intersection from the SEC's two main missions, namely, investor protection and advertising of capital formation. https://thelovechannelwithtyswint.blogspot.com/ said that whenever the SEC chooses to initiate case against an organization that it believes has produced misrepresentations, violated regulations, or failed to submit financial claims, he will be the person who voted for this; he also mentioned that actually, the SEC Specialists who are responsible for internal review, issuance of licenses, and enforcement of securities laws also usually do not meet the requirements of qualified investors on the revenue threshold, and everything have to be protected by the securities registration from the "1993 Securities Law". Thus, Ruizman emphasized that in line with the above reasons, he'd like to understand whether the SEC has produced a misjudgment that triggered unregistered securities to movement into the market. Even if Ruizman's intentions may be good, for many cryptocurrency followers, the regulations adopted by SEC have increased marketplace inequality on a lot of levels. In the standpoint from the SEC, I could be in Binance (Binance), Coinbase along with other exchanges to buy bitcoin, as well as mine, but if I want to save a pension through bitcoin, it'll be forbidden. In the online casino, no matter how many bets I want to bet, it is around me to decide, however in the investment marketplace, even if I am prepared to encounter calculated risks, the law will nevertheless prohibit me from investing, just like ICOs have already been repeatedly Obviously, the SEC's lawful framework will not protect investors just like the fraud legislation and criminal legislation. Instead, it acts as being a gatekeeper, and can further strengthen the concentration of strength, marketplace monopoly, and develop uniform products. The capitalism of the wealthy as well as the communism of the normal people Ruizman as soon as mentioned that the SEC established a threshold for experienced investors with revenue of US$200,000 and internet assets of All of us$1 million in 1982, and additional a complete of US$300,000 in 1988. After the income threshold, except for revising the web asset standard in 2011 to exclude the value from the investor's primary residence, the SEC hasn't updated the competent investor standard. Which means that the expenditure ban has been stricter within the 1980s than it really is now. Even yet in the 1990s, individuals can still spend $20,000 to buy a good-quality home in London; from then on, currency exchanges started to appear. As time goes by, the impact from the investment ban is becoming more obvious. However, the SEC's investment ban helps it be difficult for clever and ideal entrepreneurs to obtain funds, and those that are really willing to work difficult cannot break with the class limit, so the vitality of innovation will slowly end up being worn away; a lot of deterrence from your SEC The ICO task can find that this may be one of the root factors behind the monopoly from the technology industry. Bitcoin were able to escape the severe regulatory obstructions by virtue of its advancement. However, beginning in 2018, the SEC's investment restrictions on innovative projects have grown to be stricter, and even Ruizman continues to be involved in purchase projects. Boring. We also hope that after Clayton leaves, the injustice and oppression of the SEC will steadily disappear. In the end, some things should be transformed through politics. ??

#bitcoin mining game #coinbase earn #cryptocurrency mining #earn free bitcoins instantly #etheroll #free btc #gods unchained #how to get free bitcoins instantly #rpg token maker #sophophilia

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deadreligions · 4 years

Text

Beginning

Chapter 1.

A true story.

I don’t know why i’m writing this. I don’t know why I feel that after all these years, that this might be the most forward way to conclude this internal dialogue of what was real and what wasn’t. I have the journals. Scratched in words filled with anxiety and lust wrapped up in a toxic relationship that ultimately determined my path in life.

We go back

Down

Do you care to follow?

It might hurt.

Enjoy the ride.

July 11, 2007

The air is crisp and rolls through my window, it's hot and the air feels so heavy in this monstrous room that I share. I’m tired. My heart still hurts. I don’t understand why I’m being forced out of this relationship that I've been in for like a year almost, my parents can be so uptight. I still remember my mom wigging out after finding out I use tampons over pads now at the ripe age of 14, but oh man when they found out I lost my virginity they completely lost it and banned me to my singleness and internal loathing. My whole last year of 8th grade was nothing short of craziness and experiments that some people would highly question. Maybe i’ll let you know a few things but until then i’m trapped in this fucking room left to my own devices, maybe i’ll make a habit of journaling every thought that happens to cross my mind but i’m sure its going to be a boring summer. Who knows. I’m going back to bed.

July 11, 2007

DUUUDE my mom came in and said that I can go to the lake with her and my sister! I’m super unmotivated but the idea of being able to be outside for a few hours might just cure this aching heart. I don’t know, maybe i’ll actually catch a decent tan for once instead of just burning to a crisp per usual pastiness. I may have some hispanic through me, but the irish trumps all and provides olive skin with long thick brown hair that is almost unmanageable sometimes. I sometimes feel like a decent blend of both ethnicities but who's to say, I never felt like I was that special anyways. I’m rambling. Again.

I couldn’t put my finger on it yet, but this anxious feeling was washing over me and I couldn’t think as to what it might be. I tongued the side of my cheek in hopes of a distraction. My mom was busy driving and enjoying the 85 degree weather to notice any signs of worrisome. My younger sister tuning out just as much but more or less excited for this impromptu trip to the lake. We haven’t lived here long but the scenic trees that nestle in the great seattle regions felt like home when compared to the dry desert of Richland, Washington. I could almost breathe in the moisture. When it came time to finally turn off of an intersection towards the waterfront, the anxiety feeling became almost overwhelming and knotted in the pits of my stomach, I felt so uncomfortable in my two piece bathing suit in public. Mainly because even at 120 pounds of flesh I felt so out of touch with myself and the way I looked. I wasn’t nearly as developed as the girls in my 8th grade class and the averageness of myself was almost glaring. I wanted to sink into fall already.

“You ready? Now I understand that you’re under a tight restriction but I couldn’t resist giving into this day, it's all nice and what not. I don’t know what's gotten into you, but maybe a day out with your family would be good for you. I love you, but I just need you to be safe okay?”

I tried to understand what she was implying, but all I heard was the echoing insecurities and everything that followed was you aren’t going to date. Ever. Again. I shuffled out of the front seat and replied with a simple yeah just to mull things over with her, I honestly didn’t feel comfortable talking to my mom about how I was feeling let alone what others were doing at my age. She wouldn’t understand.

I had to guide my younger sister by my side and slowly walked down a narrow path that would eventually open up into a huge entryway with trees lining the way, almost guiding you into a private oasis surrounded by greenery. The lake big enough to swallow as far as I could see, I felt drawn to be enveloped by it. I wanted to be weightless. My younger sister took no reservation by running gleefully into its depths, and sinking into its lucrative fluid that made her shiver with laughter. My mother’s hearty chuckle that barreled through her chest and a side eye that questioned my own enthusiasm.

“You getting in?”

I shrugged my shoulders hoping maybe she would let me sit down and enjoy the scenery but of course that’s not the case.

“Go on, I have some reading to catch up on and you need to be outside at least for a little bit this summer so I suggest you enjoy it while you can.”

“FINE.” I was entirely annoyed with the situation but I knew it was also pointless to start with her once she gets going, besides anything is better than that dreaded room at this point. I dropped my towel and glasses and kicked off my sandals, and was soon already crossing the waterfront pier slicked with water from the numerous people jumping off of it. One by one, gainers and backflips performed for onlookers who waded in the water below. Girls about a year or so older than I were crowding towards the corner of the pier and hoping to find a suitable partner for the summer. Like a mating call. Flocking with all of their colorful feathers and huge tits luring all the possibilities that would fling themselves. I felt awkward. I definitely didn’t want to jump but standing there completely dried alone just screamed weird. I wrestled with my thoughts for a second at most and was disrupted by cheers of the cackling hyenas, giggles and hushed words implied that whoever it was, was the flavor of the day. I stared at the water hoping to catch a curious glimpse at this suitor that seemed to have wooed a slew of young women and was surprised. His hair caressed his skin with its onyx waves while he moved gracefully through the water, like butter being passed through with a knife, his body cut out of the water as he hoisted himself through with the ladder joined to the waterfront. I studied his muscles that moved in symphony as he moved hand over hand, water dripping from every crevice and cut. Like marble cut fresh and polished over. My face felt hot quickly as soon as I noticed that he had turned and met my gaze. I felt exposed. His eyes were haunting pools of black that seemed to have burned when looked at for too long. I turned my head, maybe looking at the water and pretending to search for my sister might make him advert and continue whatever conversation he was having at the time with one of the hyenas. It didn’t.

“Hello.”

A caramel voice oozed a greeting and left me frozen. I jumped because I wasn’t convinced that this person is literally talking to me, I even looked to my left sure that I was mistaken and was confused to see that I was.

“Uhhh… H-hi?”

“So are you just going to stand here the entire time or are you actually going to go swimming?”

“Well I, u-uh, Yeah I was planning on it but I wasn’t sure how the water felt or anything and didn’t want to freeze to death you know?”

Really. Thats the best you could come up with?

He ran his hand through his hair shaking the residual water out, he cracked a smile as if he knew that was obviously a bluff but something read that his black pools were soft. They greeted me warmly.

“Come.”

His hand outstretched covered with veins and light hair that speckled through, warmth is being offered from a strange man so why not. Not like I have anything better to do.

“Okay…”

I took his hand and trusted him as he guided me toward the end of the waterfront, questioning looks from the pack and I could feel the intense analysis of my body being a process.

“Hey, I realized I didn’t ask your name?”

The more we walked, the more slick it became thick with wet bare feet running through repetitively. I leaned way more into his hand than I wanted too but lord, I was not about to bust my ass on the ground.

“Quinton, but you can call me quint for short, usually everyone does. What's yours? Sorry I’m horrible at introductions.” He suppressed a light laugh and maybe a hint of embarrassment? We finally came at the end of the waterfront and was briefly introduced to his friends, Micah and Max, both seem to be the main culprits of the suitors that the pack was still lingering around. Micah was short, maybe as tall as me at 5’ 7 with copper hair that had ringlets dangling about his pale face, something said that he and Quint were close based on the eye gestures Micah tossed about, he looked up to him.

“Oh no, you did not let my man lure you in!”

Max smiled wryly at Quint and made his gaze back over, green eyes greeted me kindly and offered an olive tree of friendliness amongst strangers.

“ I’m Max, seems like you’ve already met Quint, don’t let him convince you to do anything because unfortunately he has a bad habit of doing it with us.”

“Hence all the extravagant diving!” Micah waved his hands about and bowed in an incredibly dramatic fashion. “Quint being the swim nut that he is, he’s always trying to level up everyone and it gets old but it's okay, at least we can play into the benefits right?”

Micah gave a wave to the girls still idling near bye and a squeal of giggles erupted, I laughed nervously and tucked as much hair behind my ear that I could before giving a reply.

“Well I actually just met him, he thinks i’m weird for being dry and watching everyone swim but I just don’t want to get cold!” I playfully rolled my eyes, maybe if I match the same enthusiasm that was presented I might just be able to get away with being cool, these guys were obviously a few years older than me so why would I ruin that opportunity? That's all I heard about from high school, the benefits of being with older people in upper classes and that you can get access to anything was enticing.

I noticed that the entire duration of talking to the guys, Quint was still holding my hand, and while typically I would feel absolutely weird and probably creeped out about it something was just so familiar. It felt normal. Quint was quicked to assess the conversations and was reserved, almost as observing but providing small touches of smiles and shrugs here and there, He was even quicker to notice my thought process and was able to put two and two together.

“Ready?”

The guys who were laughing moments ago became serious instantly, They both gripped the side of the waterfront and lifted themselves perfectly to a standing position balancing seemingless. I couldn’t help but gaze in awe as a perfectly timed synchronization of twisting and flipping through the air was accomplished and disappeared into the water below almost within a blink.

Quint pulled on my hand issuing that I should follow, I nervously did but was not quite sure what he was expecting me to do, I cant jump and do crazy flips like that! The more I walked the more I felt like I didn’t belong there. That I should leave. The intense pit back again and barreling deep into my chest now and the heavy thumps proving louder in my ears, I was sure he could hear it. He guided me to the edge of the dock. I looked at him and told him that I was scared, I don’t know you and I don’t want to jump but I feel like I must. That I have too.

“It’s okay stranger, you just have to trust me.”

And just as quick as was spoken, the icy waters caved in around me and pulled me

Down

Into

The

Abyss

You

Held

The

Darkness

And I wished to never come up for air again.

#writing book reading goth alternative mentalhealth venting friends

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fanfictiondatascience · 5 years

Text

Online connection changes lives. Authors we interviewed found support, feedback, friendship and even lifelong partnership from people they met online through fandom. People online can help authors develop their writing by providing feedback both in public spaces like AO3 and in private chat. But getting connected is not always easy. Several authors encountered difficulties with making new connections, turned away from their communities, or never connected much with others online at all. Feelings of social anxiety stopped people from reaching out, communities that didn’t feel like safe spaces turned people away, and a culture of fear towards internet strangers made others difficult to trust. In this post, we’ll describe the barriers that can make it difficult to connect in the fanfiction community.

Social Anxiety

Talking to people is hard, and talking to people you can’t see on the other side of the computer screen can be even harder. An experience shared by many of our interviewees was a feeling of social anxiety. Social anxiety is a fear of judgment from others that manifests in many ways, for instance, the perception (without any particular evidence) that the person you are considering reaching out to is not interested or welcoming towards being contacted.

“I'm a shy person, so usually I may not [reach out]. I just say I feel embarrassed in speaking to people that seem cooler than me, more experienced… maybe I'm bothering them. Maybe they don't see me as a friend, they have just been polite, this kind of thing” (P11).

Contacting someone with a higher profile, such as a prolific author or fan celebrity, amplified social anxiety. Interviewees held the perception that these folks are likely overwhelmed with contact already and therefore would be unwelcoming.

“I wouldn’t want to reach out to them because they’re on a different level than me in terms of popularity and probably get hundreds of messages all the time” (P18).

Authors who were reluctant to reach out oftentimes waited for others to contact them first. Or, instead of reaching out online, they relied on irl friends outside of the fandom for writing feedback. As a result of social anxiety, people don’t take that first step of reaching out to an online stranger, and therefore they don’t receive the benefits of a potential connection.

Unsafe Spaces

Writing and posting fanfiction in a public space is, in a way, baring your soul to complete strangers, and one sure way to stifle the soul-baring process was the institution of discriminatory rules that disproportionately affected a subset of the fan community. Restrictions on free expression created the feeling of an unsafe space, and it is this feeling that drove authors away from the community. During our interviews, authors discussed situations where they left communities because they felt the space was unsafe. The ban of NSFW content from Tumblr after its acquisition by Verizon, widely viewed as an attack on sexual expression that disproportionately affected queer people, was a recent example.

“When Tumblr banned not safe for work, it was really distressing for a bunch of us who don't really fit on the very heteronormative sexual scale. So there was a lot of trying to figure out where we were going to go now, where we were, how would we stay connected, how would we continue to figure out and find stuff that we enjoyed” (P25).

Long-time fandom authors told us of similar exoduses from LiveJournal and Fanfiction.net after similar content bans and mass content deletions. These actions by platform owners divided fan communities and forced authors to find connections elsewhere.

In addition to institutional actions, individuals who made personal attacks or used hate speech also made authors feel unsafe. These antisocial actions happened in prominent fandom spaces.

“P27: There are people who write things that a fandom may consider controversial. This could cause them to get unhelpful criticism, rude and discouraging comments, so they will be constantly discouraged from writing.

Interviewer: That would happen on AO3?

P27: Both AO3 and tumblr, that’s where I know it happens.

Interviewer: And you’ve seen other people treated like that?

P27: Yes.” (P27).

One author spoke of an experience where she was berated for years by a reader because she wrote about drug addiction.

“Because [my fic is] about drug addiction, that brought a reaction that I really didn’t expect… sometimes [readers] impose their views. I got bullied for a couple of years, and even when I went on hiatus that person came back... they were imposing what they thought on me” (P7).

A single bully discouraged and pushed away this writer, even as they received an outpouring of messages from readers who connected with the story.

Another author discussed how controversy over a gay character sent them elsewhere:

“At the time I was writing about neon genesis evangelion. And it turns out at the end of the show, the main character Shinji Ikari is gay. Well, it's revealed he has a thing for this guy. And I was writing this kind of thing too, and people got super angry. So they’d leave because, oh my God, he's gay and that was terrible at the time. So, uh, yeah, I quickly left” (P8).

Fanfiction authors tackle difficult, important and controversial topics, and they need a space where they can find others to relate to without fear of harassment. If personal attacks, hate speech, or discriminatory rules are present, they may feel they can’t stay connected and will be forced to go elsewhere.

Personal Disclosure

Navigating personal disclosure can be difficult for authors when they’re interacting with internet strangers. Although authors disclosed deeply personal facts about themselves through fanfiction writing itself, some preferred to avoid connecting their fanfiction identity to their offline identity. Others wanted to protect themselves and their families from potential exposure on the internet. Identity and safety concerns associated with online personal disclosure slowed relationship building between authors and online friends.

Is this faceless individual actually a murderer, merely feigning deep interest in Star Trek and waiting for an opportunity to strike at unsuspecting fans?

Being raised to fear internet strangers was a shared experience among several participants in our interviews. Authors chose different degrees of disclosure they were comfortable with, and made nuanced decisions about who to reveal information about themselves to, where and when.

“There’s not any set guidelines. I think it really depends on who you talk to... how long have you been with the person? What type of things do you talk about? Do you feel like it’s safe to give that information?” (P21).

Oftentimes, the decision of whether to reveal a piece of identifying information had to be on-the-spot. P21 had to decide whether this person who wanted to be co-author was someone who could be trusted.

“… You kind of have to sometimes make a snap judgment and ultimately it worked out fine in this one case... it really does have to come down to instinct, gut, sometimes, there’s no kind of set formula to be sure” (P21).

Personal disclosure and relationship-building go hand-in-hand. But In an environment where personal disclosure requires caution and nuance, building connection and relationships becomes much more difficult.

To Be Continued...

There are powerful isolating elements like social anxiety, unsafe spaces and stranger danger keeping fanfiction authors apart. How do authors overcome these barriers to make connections, build relationships, exchange feedback and change lives? Stay tuned for the next part of our series on connection and feedback in fanfiction communities.

About This Series

This series is a breakdown of findings from an interview study run by a fanfiction research group within the department of Human Centered Design & Engineering at University of Washington. In January and February 2019, we interviewed 29 fanfiction authors to understand how they connect with each other, build relationships, and seek out writing feedback. We learned profound lessons about the importance of building connections, the reciprocality of relationships and feedback, and the intersection of fandom with real life identity.

#fanfiction research #fanfiction community #fanfiction #fanfic #qualitative research #interview #fanfiction authors #university of washington #online community #multifandom

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