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springbloggy · 7 months

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Ms. Zarves Megatheory

Basically a combo/re-write of my 4 Ms. Zarves theories in one nice, long post. Fixing some of my previous misconceptions and some more assorted ideas I got since writing these. Pop some popcorn and relax, cause this is a long one.

Wayside School and its connections to Deltarune

Wayside School is a series of books about an odd school where anything can happen, from a show and tell where one student brings a homeless man to getting freedom from secret service agents deep in the school's basement.

One of the most obvious references to Wayside in Deltarune can be found in chapter two with the various flavored teas that all taste like each of the playable characters. This is a reference to a story from the first Wayside story "Sideways Stories from Wayside School". In this story, a girl named Marcia loves ice cream, but has tried every flavor and has grown bored of it. To help her, her teacher Mrs. Jewls creates ice cream that tastes just like her.

“I don’t understand it, Mrs. Jewls,” cried Maurecia. “There just aren’t any good flavors anymore.” So Mrs. Jewls worked all night. The next day she brought in a new flavor of ice cream for Maurecia. It was Maurecia-flavored ice cream. “Everybody will like it,” thought Mrs. Jewls, “because everybody likes Maurecia.” “Here you are, Maurecia,” said Mrs. Jewls, “Maurecia-flavored ice cream.” Everybody gathered around as Maurecia tasted it. They hoped she’d like it.

However Maurecia can't taste her own flavor, but everyone else can.

Mrs. Jewls slapped herself in the face. “Oh, I’ve made a big mistake, Maurecia. Of course you can’t taste anything. It’s Maurecia-flavored ice cream. It’s the same taste you always taste when you’re not tasting anything at all.” So the next day Mrs. Jewls brought in Joe-flavored ice cream. Maurecia liked it. So did everybody else. Joe thought it had no taste.

Similar to the teas, you can tell how characters feel about each other through how they describe the flavors. For example, everyone thought Maurecia flavored ice cream was delicious, and part of why is due to how nice Maurecia is, but everyone disliked mean-girl Kathy's ice cream, describing it as tasting like old baloney.

While the concept and even the fact the characters can't taste their own flavors is a reference to Wayside, the different flavors each character gets is a uniquely Toby concept as the flavors in Wayside is described in more plain terms. For example Maurcia's ice cream is just described as being "delicious" and is not described as tasting "like apples" or anything more descriptive and each kid seems to taste Maurcia and the other student's flavors in the exact same manner.

So now there's a connection to Wayside being one of Deltarune's influences and how Toby puts his own spin on the situations that inspire him, what does it have to do with Gaster?

Ms. Zarves and the 19th story

Ms. Zarves is the teacher of the 19th story of the skyscraper-like school, a story of the building that does not exist. However, much like Gaster and his goners, it is in a weird state of not existing and existing at the same time.

The first mention of her classroom comes naturally in the first book, where a kid named Calvin is instructed by Mrs. Jewls to bring a note to Ms. Zarves on the 19th story.

As you know, when the builder built Wayside School, he accidentally built it sideways. But he also forgot to build the nineteenth story. He built the eighteenth and the twentieth, but no nineteenth. He said he was very sorry. There was also no Miss Zarves. Miss Zarves taught the class on the nineteenth story. Since there was no nineteenth story, there was no Miss Zarves.

Through the help of the P.E. teacher, Calvin decides to tell Mrs. Jewls that he gave Ms. Zarves the letter, even though he didn't since there's no Ms. Jarves.

“The note was very important,” said Mrs. Jewls. “I told Miss Zarves not to meet me for lunch.” “Don’t worry,” said Calvin. “She won’t.”“Good,” said Mrs. Jewls.

Ms. Zarves doesn't make an actual appearance until the second book, where in one story, a girl named Allison gets fed up with how silly her class is acting. But when the class starts ignoring her existence, starting with Mrs. Jewls marking her absent and another kid licking her nose without realizing it. Allison becomes scared and runs down the hallways shouting whatever she could, which is what ultimately leads her into becoming a student at Ms. Zarves' class.

“What’s your name?” the teacher asked her. “Allison.” “Boys and girls, this is Allison,” the teacher announced to her students. “She’ll be joining our class.” “What?” said Allison. “But—” “My name is Miss Zarves,” said the teacher. “Welcome to the nineteenth story.”

Ms. Zarves' class is unique even for Wayside standards. Each desk is arranged in fours, students include an old lady, a cow, and even an imaginary little brother made up to hide another (normal Wayside) student's troublemaking. Ms. Zarves' lessons are also odd and somewhat cruel, such as having her students sort each number from zero to a million alphabetically, however she gives every child in her class an A.

When’s recess?” she asked. “There is no recess,” said Ray. “We’re not allowed out of the classroom.” “What about if you have to go to the bathroom?” “What’s a bathroom?” asked Virginia. “We don’t eat, either,” said Nick. “We just work all the time.” “But we never have homework,” Virginia said cheerfully. “That’s because we never go home,” said Nick. “We get a two-minute break every eleven hours.” “But don’t worry,” said Virginia. “Miss Zarves always gives us good grades.”

There was another new kid with her, a reference to another kid in Ms. Jewls class who was too afraid to share his real name, and the two discuss how they got there.

“How did we get here?” she asked. “Maybe we’re dead,” said Mark. “Maybe we died and went to—” “This isn’t Heaven!” said Allison. “That wasn’t what I was going to say,” said Mark. Allison felt a chill run up her spine. She looked at Miss Zarves. Miss Zarves smiled back at her. “But she seems so nice,” said Allison. “Could someone as nice as her really be the devil?” “I don’t know,” said Mark. “She always gives good grades.” “What would happen if we didn’t do our work?” asked Allison. “We have to do our work,” said Mark. “Why?” asked Allison. “What’s Miss Zarves going to do to us—keep us after school?” “I don’t know,” said Mark. “Teachers can always find new ways to punish you. They’re experts at it.”

It's then that Allison realizes Ms. Zarves' plan.

That’s her plan! Allison suddenly realized. She shivered as it all came together for her. Miss Zarves assigns us lots of busy work so we don’t have time to think. She makes us memorize stupid things so that we don’t think about the important things. And then she gives us good grades to keep us happy.

So Allison manages to free herself by doing as many silly things as she can, breaking herself out of Ms. Zarves' cycle of busywork and manages to return to Ms. Jewls class the moment when all the silly things she was sick of before begin again.

In the third book (and final until 2020's Beneath the Cloud of Doom, which I highly doubt Toby read), Ms. Zarves gets tired of not being acknowledged

“My parents were too busy for me. They were always dressing up and going out to fancy parties. I had to tuck myself in at night and wish myself sweet dreams.” She took a tissue out of her sleeve and wiped a tear from her eye. “Still, I always tried to keep a smile on my face. Well, not anymore! The days of walk-all-over-Miss-Zarves are finished!” She threw open her classroom door. “The squeaky wheel gets the grease!” “What are you going to do?” asked Virginia. “I’m going out there!” said Miss Zarves. “And I’m not coming back until I get some grease!”

But when even the principal doesn't acknowledge her, she quits, that is until one of the secret agents find her.

“Then why do it?” asked Miss Zarves. “Why teach anymore? I could quit and nobody would care.” “The children need you,” all three men said together.

The three secret agents convinces her that returning to her teaching job is the right thing to do and she returns.

Predicting Deltarune with Ms. Zarves' class

I think that Ms. Zarve and the 19th floor is the ultimate inspiration behind Gaster's existence. Much like Gaster, Ms. Zarves both exists and doesn't exist at the same time, she is described as "possibly being the devil" much like how Gaster has many symbolic ties to the devil, the last is a stretch but one could tie Zarves being a teacher with Gaster being a scientist. So what Toby spins can one expect to the Wayside stories can Deltarune bring? Well, I have come up with a few, some I strongly believe in while others I don't. Or at least not as much as the base concept of Zarves' connections to Gaster. I will sort through the theories I believe in the least to the most.

From here on, each theory will be broken apart by this equal sign barrier: =======.

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Pretend Sibling Theory

In Wayside, one of the students in Ms. Zarves class is Ray, who in a previous story is revealed to be a made up little brother by a student who is always causing trouble. She pits the blame on "Ray" in class since none of the teachers or students are any wiser to know that he doesn't exist. The reader are too, none the wiser he doesn't exist until the ending of the story where Mrs. Jewls calls the kid's parents who are confused when she mentions "Ray". However Ray does exist, but only in Ms. Zarves' class.

Take a sigh of relief as I don't believe that Asriel or Dess fit this bill as it would be weird for multiple characters to be making up the existence of a college kid or a missing girl. However, I do think one character does.

I think in the Deltarune universe, the reason why we haven't met Papyrus yet is because he doesn't exist. When Sans winks when he mentions we will "meet his brother" when Asriel comes home, its tongue and cheek. We won't meet the Papyrus that we have grown used to because he doesn't exist, we won't meet Asriel because the game will end before he comes home. However, we will meet Papyrus in the dark world, a place where imaginary ideas becomes real. So Sans isn't entirely wrong, but isn't entirely right either.

One way that we could "meet" Papyrus is in a similar situation to how we meet Ralsei. Ralsei is a character that is suspiciously similar to Asriel and Flowey, but isn't either of them (unless you believe in dust theory I guess, but IDK if there's enough evidence for that). So in one chapter characters will go into the dark world and meet a character that is suspiciously similar to Papyrus, but isn't, with a similar anagram name like "Pupsray" or something.

A stretchy add-on to this is that we could have already met Deltarune's Papyrus in the form of Roulx Kard, who fulfills a similar role to Papyrus, the latest newsletter even throws a tie with Papyrus staring at a worm. Worms being a reoccuring gag with Roulx.

Another add on is that Deltarune Papyrus is Gaster, at first I thought this was extremely stretchy, but after doing theory dives apparently Gaster Papyrus theory is one that isn't too uncommon. There's a couple on tumblr that handle it better than I could.

Of course this does bring the question on how Papyrus is real in Undertale but isn't in Deltarune, and that...I do not have an answer to. One guess is Papyrus becoming "real" could be the result of a possible Roaring ending, where the dark world merging with the light world causes every dark world character to become real. But if every darkner becomes real, then why are they gone in Undertale except for Papyrus? What makes him so special over them where he gets higher priority? I suppose that if right, this is something that will get revealed in the game over time, but this is the main reason why this theory is placed so low, alongside the flavor text that suggests Kris hearing Papyrus' "trousling bones".

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Gaster is Deltarune's Flowey

This is one I was super sure about at first, but the more I think about it, the more I am unsure about it due to how little is out there about Gaster's personality. It's not as questionable as the imaginary sibling theory, imo, but still a bit "fanfic-y". But I am leaving it here because it does make some narrative sense to me.

To explain this, I will go back to the beginning of Undertale, where you meet Flowey and he introduces the concept of LOVE (Levels of Violence) and SOULS to the player. However, I don't find that interesting, what I find interesting is Flowey's statement "in this world it's Kill or Be Killed." By going through the pacifist route, the goal of the game is to ultimately prove Flowey wrong, showing him that its possible to make progress without killing.

In the beginning of Deltarune, the mysterious voice believed to be Gaster states that in this world you can't choose who you are, which ultimately ties into the overall "choices don't matter" theme of the game. While there's some translation shenanigans that make some believe its Chara, I personally don't believe it's them at all, and Chara simply doesn't exist (or is Kris) in the Deltarune universe. The different fonts could be the ultimate red herring, it could be coming from just one character, or multiple that we haven't met yet. But for sake of simplicity, I am just gonna assume its from Gaster.

Therefore, the ultimate goal in Deltarune is to prove Gaster wrong, it is possible to make meaningful choices in a world where it may seem like they don't matter.

Deltarune seems to run on parallels to pre-existing characters, Roulx is the Papyrus parallel for example. I think Ralsei sets up a red herring parallel, at first glance he is the Flowey parallel, he teaches about SOULS, he has various things that make him seem odd and suspicious in the grand scheme of things, but these are just setups to one of many twists. He is the Toriel parallel, the Flowey parallel is the ever prevalent, yet not prevalent Gaster.

Why Gaster might feel like choices don't matter

Gaster is in a somewhat similar predicament to Flowey. Flowey witnessed and been through so much death and destruction, he felt it was the only way to live. Gaster has been through so many universes where either he is thrown across space-time or simply doesn't exist that he feels like his choices don't matter. He could see the worlds move on fine without him even in them and feel like his sheer existence didn't matter.

Tying this to the Ms. Zarves theory, Ms. Zarves felt like it was no longer worth being a teacher because throughout her who life she wasn't respected or acknowledged by others.

Yes, of course,” said the bald man. “And we appreciate all your hard work.” “You do?” All three nodded very sincerely. Miss Zarves was touched. “I’ve been teaching for thirty years,” she said. “And nobody has ever said that before.” I’ve never gotten paid,” said Miss Zarves. “And this is the first time in thirty years I’ve ever left the building.” “It’s not easy being a teacher,” agreed the other man with a mustache. “Even the book I’m reading to my class,” said Miss Zarves. “The author makes fun of teachers!” “It’s a tragedy,” said the bald man. “Then why do it?” asked Miss Zarves. “Why teach anymore? I could quit and nobody would care.”

Ms. Zarves was on the verge of quitting her job due to her perceived lack of respect she got, she was just as unaware of her non-existence as her students. However, even then her story is tragic as she has never gotten attention from even her parents. Gaster could be in a similar situation, where after years of trying, he is at the verge of doing something terrible due to his situation. It is up to the players choices to prove him wrong.

Superbosses are "experiments" on his theory that choices don't matter, even with the knowledge and opportunity he gives them to enhance their lives after misery, each superboss ends up in the same way. Outcasted and alone. Gaster then abandons each superboss after they prove him "right". In this way, the superbosses could be the Gaster equivalent to Flowey's constant resets.

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Cheer up Gaster

Gaster, no matter what, is doomed to stay across time and space. Surely the whole situation must be miserable for him even if I am wrong about my theory of Gaster being the game's "Flowey". In Wayside, Mrs. Zarves' saga ends with the men in black cheering up the teacher, asserting that despite her situation, her students still need her. I think Deltarune could have a similar situation, where one of the characters can choose to cheer up Gaster despite everything he has done. I think it being specifically a choice the player can make would make the scene extra poignant, in a world where "choices don't matter", you can still choose to be kind. It might be similar in tone to the Goner Kid at waterfall, where you can choose to give the kid your umbrella to cheer him up.

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Cycle break theory

The ending of Allison's time in Ms. Zarves' class has her realize the way to get free from Ms. Zarves class is to break out of her cycle of busywork by acting out. To do so, she acts silly, mimicking the actions of the other students she met at Wayside. This ends up bringing her back to the start of the story, where she was at Mrs. Jewls' class watching a silly event go down. However, unlike the last time, she doesn't get stuck again because this time she is watching the whole thing go down with pleasure instead of apathy.

I think one potential ending could have the characters come to realize over the course of the story that in order to get a happy ending, they must break out of some sort of repeating cycle. Then the world will reset back before Dess goes missing, the first pivotal moment that caused the setup to the game's story.

However, unlike the ending of Alison's story, I believe that the implications in this potential ending are more bittersweet, as in the moment its reset, all progress no matter if you do pacifist, neutral, or genocide is lost. What does matter though, is the memories, as long as they don't forget where they started from, things will end alright. The game will possibly end with a similar message Flowey gives at the end of Undertale, letting the players know to stop in order to give each character the good endings they deserve.

That is...except snowgrave. I think snowgrave could possibly lead to another similar reset ending, but a lot more sinister. Perhaps a situation similar to Chara appearing, perhaps something even worse. It's a reset that causes everyone involved to have an unhappy ending.

No matter what though, there will always technically be one ending in this scenario, there will be a reset, all progress is "wiped", and Gaster will forever be stretched across space-time. What truly matters is what you do to reach said ending.

This is nice and tightly packed...but a wee bit too predictable and happy for what the game might be hinting towards. Which is why I got an alternate ending laid out below that is far more sinister.

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Evil Mrs. Jewls

At first, I didn't fully believe in this theory. In fact, I believed so little in the idea, I almost forgot to mention it at all originally. But then I thought, and thought about it and the idea made so much sense to me.

Ms. Jewls is the main teacher the Wayside series follows, she is known to be extraordinarily nice to her students and fellow teachers. However, there is one chapter of the Wayside books where this is subverted, this is a chapter simply called "the Mean Ms. Jewls".

Everybody in Mrs. Jewls’s class thought she was a very nice teacher. They were wrong. There is no such thing as a nice teacher. If you think you have a nice teacher, then you are wrong too. Inside every nice teacher there is a mean and rotten teacher bursting to get out. The nicer the teacher is on the outside, the meaner the teacher inside is. As Mrs. Jewls was changing the bulletin board before class, a mean and rotten voice whispered inside her brain. “Give the children lots of busy work today,” it said. “And then make them do it over again if their handwriting isn’t perfect.” Mrs. Jewls tried very hard to ignore the voice. She didn’t like giving busy work. Instead she tried to teach the children three new things every day. She believed that if they learned three new things every day, they would eventually learn everything there is to know.

Over the course of her lesson, Mrs. Jewls begins acting against her own class rules, telling the class to shut up while trying to teach about pickles and giving them increasingly difficult questions as well as pouring pickle juice on each kid who gives her a wrong answer.

Okay, question three.” She looked down at the vat of brine she was holding and shook her head. She thought a moment, then smiled. “What is the name of my cousin who lives in Vermont?” Leslie had no idea, so she just had to take a wild guess. She closed her eyes and said, “Fred Jewls?” “Wrong!” exclaimed Mrs. Jewls. She raised the vat of brine high above Leslie’s head and started to tip it over.

It isn't until one kid pours the same pickle juice she had been using that ends up snapping her out of her mean state and she sends herself home.

Why this chapter is important in the context of Deltarune

At first, I just jotted this chapter down coming up with ideas for the Zarves theory, thinking nothing of it. After all, this is a really short chapter and doesn't even mention Zarves at all.

But then something clicked for me. Mrs. Jewls is the only teacher in the Wayside series to acknowledge Ms. Zarves as a teacher and potential friend. In the first book, she is the one to instruct a student to give Ms. Zarves an invite to lunch. All the other teachers don't even notice her. The only other teacher that is implied to maybe know Ms. Zarves is Louis, who is implied to be writing the book series in universe, but even then he ignores her existence until being forced to.

Miss Zarves taught the class on the nineteenth story. There is no nineteenth story. And there is no Miss Zarves. You already know all that. But how do you explain the cow in her classroom?

Even the three men in black only acknowledge Ms. Zarves when she threatens to quit teaching. If character of Gaster is inspired Ms. Zarves, is it too far off to consider there's a character that is inspired by Mrs. Jewls as well? Mrs. Jewls is the main teacher of the series after all. And if there is a Mrs. Jewls equivalent, is it too far off to consider there will be a moment where they suddenly flip to being "evil"?

Candidates for the Ms. Jewls equivalent in Deltarune

1.A superboss

A superboss is one of the more obvious and easy candidates for the Ms. Jewls equivalent. Each superboss so far are heavily implied to be controlled by something and have been contacted by Gaster before the characters properly meet them. It would make sense to have a "surprise" superboss that breaks the norm by being setup as a nice and sweet helper to the party, then similar to Ms. Jewls, a voice/controlling force compels them to fight the team. Something that breaks the norm to the formula that has been set up before.

2.Alphys

Alphys is another similar odd, but easy one. Alphys was the scientist that is lead to be the replacement to Gaster in the Undertale universe, she is aware of other universes, and basically everything else placed in stainedglassthreads Knight Alphys theory. This is an odd extension to that. Alphys is the main teacher to the Deltarune kids, much like how Ms. Jewls is the main teacher portrayed in Wayside. While not much at first glance (it's pretty sans is ness tier ), when accounting for Knight Alphys theory, the connections become..kinda terrifying. Is there a chance that if Alphys is the Knight, she like the superbosses isn't in full control of her actions once under that role? That her connections to Gaster compel her to open the Dark Fountains for one reason or another?

3.Asgore

Asgore's connections to Gaster are mentioned by his followers, the reason why it took so long for Gaster to be replaced was due to Gaster's brilliance. This shows that Asgore remembered and admired Gaster in Undertale, even if most other people didn't. In Deltarune, there's a bit of a mystery as to why Asgore isn't chief of police anymore. Is it possible that Asgore's connections to Gaster is part of why? Only reason why I am hesitant on this is that Asgore was already a semi-final boss with a bunch of build up hype in one game and it would be strange to effectively fill the same role twice.

4.Sans and/or Papyrus

There are so many theories on Sans and Papyrus' connections to Gaster and the True Lab, it is insane. To sort through all of them here would be madness. So I won't go into all that. What I will go into is the interesting fact we already kinda saw "Mean Mrs. Jewls" already with Sans in the genocide route, where he acts more seriously and fights the player. So if there is a chance of one of the two fulfilling this role in Deltarune, I feel like it is more likely to be Papyrus...who is a huge fan-favorite candidate to be the Knight.

If what I stated under Alphys Knight is true, and the knight is not fully "in control" as the Knight, then if the Knight is Papyrus it would be even more tragic.

If I am right with my strange theorizing based on a children's series than I will be a mess.

5. The Knight

This is just listed if the knight isn't a pre-existing character from Undertale, everything under Papyrus and Alphys is still valid here, just more difficult to guess.

Likely but uncertain candidates

These are candidates that could be likely for the role, but I am uncertain about for a few reasons.

Kris/Noelle

Kris and Noelle both fit under snowgrave route. Kris is implied to be possessed by the player due to Gaster in the character creator opening sequence. Kris, under the player's command, pulls an uncharacteristically "evil" task by forcing Noelle to do snowgrave much like how Mrs. Jewls is compelled to be "mean" by a voice in her head. Noelle fits by her being controlled by the evil voice that lies inside of Kris, even though it is a secondary source and isn't coming from her own intuitions, she still ends up pulling Snowgrave.

The main reasons why I am skeptical about either of them is there is no reason for either to be friendly/friends with Gaster and the situation is caused by an optional route rather than forced like Ms. Jewls with her "mean voice".

Ralsei

Ralsei is a nice character who is a bit too keen on following orders, which could lead him down a similar route to Noelle under Snowgrave, where he is forced to do "mean things" without his control. There's also his similarities to Flowey, a character infamous for being the evil alter ego to Ralsei's counterpart Asriel. Not only that, but Ralsei has too much hidden knowledge about the dark world and the prophecy that makes him suspicious, like he met Gaster or got a Shadow Crystal. However, Ralsei is still mostly mysterious and his whether or not he has ties to Gaster, has ulterior motives, or will/has pulled off "evil" activity has yet to be seen. Ralsei could be the ultimate red herring where everyone suspects him of doing something evil, but the game will end with him still being a pure goat that just knows too much cause hyperfixation or something.

Dess

Dess is missing and is implied to be in a similar situation to Gaster where she is trapped in some unknown area in time and space. Perhaps, there she could have met Gaster and the ultimate twist is that she ends up being one of, if not the, main villain. Thus a tragic ending where a character built up being nice and supportive ends up being the same one you have to defeat.

However, too little is known about Dess and what her role in the story will be to place her as a candidate.

=======

One of the characters or multiple will be brought to Gaster

One of the characters will be brought to Gaster in a similar circumstance as seen with Allison. This makes a lot of sense to me, if Gaster really is brought up as a major character in the story of Deltarune, then it would make sense that at a certain point, there will be a need to meet him. But how? It can't be with FUN values like Undertale if he's such a major character now. So I predict that at some point one of the main characters that you have been following becomes sick with all the dark fountains, all the adventures, and all the circumstances in the light world, and manages to find themselves going darker, yet darker into wherever Gaster is at. Or perhaps a situation similar to Allison's could be Dess' backstory as to how she became "missing" in the first place.

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Memory Wipe Theory

This is my newest ending theory. Lots of people have theorized the ending could be a timeline loop, the roaring, or even a mass snowgrave. However, part of me thinks these endings are a bit too predictable. While there's text in game that backs it up, part of me wonders if its just a setup to whatever the true ending might be. This theory is insanely bleak, but makes a lot of sense to me as the potential ending to Deltarune.

A lot of what Alison does to free herself in Wayside is mimicking the actions of her classmates. By focusing and remembering what is important, she manages to become free.

One of the reoccuring themes of Deltarune is memories, there's the song "don't forget", there's ties to Gaster which has further ties to the true lab which has a whole boatload of memory themes, the backstories of each main characters focus on how past memories effect them in the present, etc. The theme of memories could be partially inspired by how Alison used her memories of her classmates to free herself, at least in relation with Gaster if he does have some inspirations to Zarves.

Of course, the ending of the game is also based off a memory of a dream. So this ending could provide some rather odd, but heartbreaking, memory-ception.

What if Deltarune presents the saddest ending of all, what if one or more of the main characters find themselves trapped in wherever Gaster is? No matter how hard they try to remember their loved ones, the dark worlds, the adventures, all the memories become foggier and foggier until they fade away. And then the game ends. The character(s) fails to gain the same happy ending Alison had, and the repercussions of their non-existence spreads into the Deltarune universe somehow, thus leading to Undertale. Or even worse, it's implied that their non-existance has no effect on the overall world, its similar to poor Goner Kid, he's gone but the world moves on just fine without him.

In a way, it is an inverse of Undertale's pacifist ending. In Undertale, you free the monsters' lost souls by encouraging them, reminding them of who they were and restoring their memories. But here, the player/characters are the lost soul(s) and can't be freed. No matter what. It is a bad nightmare.

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Conclusion

This is probably not gonna be the last time I discuss this theory, but it might be for a while. I probably don't have all the answers, I am not an Undertale/Deltarune lore expert. So feel free to expand on this theory, dubunk, what have you. I just hope it provides an interesting read.

#deltarune theory #deltarune #undertale theory #undertale #utdr theory #deltarune spoilers #long post #springy thoughts #wayside school

6 notes · View notes

danthropologie · 2 years

Note

PLEASE share your daniel ricciardo themed playlists with the class!!!

there are so many that it’s genuinely kind of embarrassing to list them all out like this but here you go:

danny ric - just general recs, songs he’s talked about, listened to, etc. i’m sure there are a million playlists out there like this, but i wanted one i was in control of

daniel ricciardo listen to more women challenge - self explanatory, there’s so many men all the fucking time and he needs more women in his life

the man, the myth, the legend - ‘knocked down and dragged out, but not done yet’ / ‘fighting against the passage of time itself’ sort of vibe

the untitled daniel ricciardo playlist - a little self-insert moment. very light, fun, happy. kind of just the general vibe of what i imagine being with him would be like.

(and while we’re here, i’ll also plug my charles and max versions of the same concept: the charles one is sort of 80s synth pop inspired, light and frothy and passionate and vaguely doomed from the start. and the max one really leans into the softness and gentleness of it all because we all know he’s a bit of a basic bitch in taste (affectionately))

brain rot: depression edition - created the day we found out he had c*vid and it was looking like he might be replaced for the first race with a younger version of himself (and yes i’m referring to piastri, if we only fucking knew 😭)

brain rot: cleanse edition - positive manifestation, which i had to make after the vibes from the previous playlist became so horrific that i couldn’t stand it anymore 😭

untitled dr3 playlist - basically just a catch all for anything that reminds me of daniel and doesn’t fit in one of the previously mentioned playlists

the mixtape - i saw this post. it said daniel to me. i made a playlist about it.

the hubris of being young and in the sun // black and yellow // cause it feels so empty without me - these three overlap quite a bit and they’re all still works in progress, but they coincide with the big dick swagger of the rbr, renault, and mclaren eras respectively

blue - another little self insert moment based on @accio-ricciardo’s tags on this post

the day i started dreaming - yet ANOTHER little self insert moment, but this time based on the idea of his partner being a singer-songwriter writing songs about him

little piece of heaven - the montana playlist! upbeat and folky with themes of escape and friendship and self-reflection. probably my favorite of all the daniel based playlists i’ve made, if not of any playlist i’ve made period

girl danny - pretty self explanatory, a playlist of songs that remind me of girl!daniel (and of course i also have girl max and girl charles playlists as well)

burn it to the ground - literally just a collection of angry songs from the day all the alpine/piastri/mclaren bullshit came out 😭

the only john mayer songs men are allowed to listen to - my toxic trait is loving john mayer and if i was going to get daniel into john mayer i would use these songs in this order to do it

how to fix a man in seven easy steps - as i said in the description, these are songs that would make even daniel ricciardo want to date a woman over 30. songs that slap me in the face and call me single in 15 different ways.

and then i also have a couple works in progress that aren’t quite to the point where i’d want to share them yet:

the official 'make a taylor swift fan out of daniel ricciardo' playlist - self explanatory. same as with the john mayer playlist, it’ll be a playlist of songs that i would use to make daniel a taylor swift fan

road trip fic - another self insert and my personal magnum opus, the ultimate road trip playlist but make it exes to lovers

edited to add: give into the moment - i read a daniel friends to lovers y/n fic and then after listened to sidekick by walk the moon and it gave me so much brain rot that i had to make this playlist 😵‍💫 it’s not about him but it’s not NOT about him yk

#listed in order of creation (other than the WIPs obviously)#the sheer number of them....it's mental illness luv #answered #anonymous #mine

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hrroruja · 2 years

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Human!Michael Myers AU

Description;Where he never killed Judith that night,he grows up and is a regular working man

Pt.1

！ ᵎ Tw;Self-harm implied,Trauma & mental illness mentions and etc ᵎ ！

Michael Myers(1978)

➛ *Unwhites Michael*HE IS MEXICAN!!!(Cause I'm Mexican-American and said so!)

➛ Came from a pretty decent house with conservative strict parents, and semi-boring childhood!

➛ He’s one very very beautiful/breathe taking!but comes off as a fresá bitch he kinda is but really he’s a extremely selective mute and anxious low key emotional boy also has a sense of humor!!!mostly it’s dark,dry and offensive(lol)

➛ GRINGO looking mexican(like me)he can actually speak,write in Spanish but can’t really understand it.

➛ Despite being like THAT he’s actually very expressive with his face(Based off Tony Moran’s acting in the Waltons)

➛ Only has one friend he’s know since six ever since that night where he was taken in the ward for six years due to almost hitting a nerve around his wrist due to a “accident "as his parents said but it was due to hearing the ‘voices’to hurt himself,that he was unlovable and he’s just a monster.His parents couldn't handle the truth and did a cover up thus kinda ruining the relationship between his parents thus he keeps distance from them and wanting nothing with them,he attaches,clings and depends on said friend after that incident on a lot stuff he just likes they seem to be”there for him”tho they never offer reassurance on the friendship and forces the “friendship”for years even their no good for him like never trying to make time and effort for him,not supporting him,using him for money and treats him as a second option he becomes devastated he has to cut them out only thanks to Judith and Laurie for making him realize it He ends up not making”friends”anymore cause of that now everyone is just a stranger,has no desire to get close and shuts himself off a lot to avoid what happened in the past.

➛ A lot of mental illnesses that goes undiagnosed from childhood up to teenhood due to his parents being unformed and not educated on the topic.He does get it treated, goes to therapy but stops?then goes back.He forgets to take his meds a lot.

➛ Goes to school doing the the basics and blah.

➛ You think he was a cool smart hot jock getting all the ladies and men,partying and having wild adventures?but nah he’s actually the ‘Cool’ loner everyone knows but doesn't really know,class fears him for no reason he does do questionable stuff when no one is watching mostly minds his business but gets caught in the mist of a lot dramas and Laurie had to vouch for him.

➛ Has been in a school fight,a other fight with a cop and a OTHER one when he was in the Smith’s ward.

➛ Took AP classes,advaned courses and was winning in a lot competitions.

➛ His first was with a man but it was just a one night stand so it meant nothing yet he felt so used and got him messed up.

➛ He’s questioning his sexuality,has no lables with it and a he/they/it.

➛ Has a hard time forming any friendships at all,being close and having something meaningful with anyone.IT does get to him more than he lets on and it’s partially due to his mental illnesses still keeps trying despite it.

➛ He is so bad with managing money please help him other than that he actually makes A LOT tho.

➛ Has shit luck.

➛ When he’s down,he’s walks at night and watches the moon,stars and space deeply thinking about life.

➛ Baby boy is a romantic at heart(Remember he’s a Libra)just not a hopeless one but more of a classic old romantic.

➛ He originally was gonna model which he did try!a lot!but never got called back on the contract instead they saw Judith in one of her photoshoots of her promoting one of his side projects and now she has a modeling career which was supposed to be his and everyone knows him through her which doesn’t totally irk him.

➛ Despite him being envious of Judith he’s way closer to her than Laurie he kinda treats Laurie like a stranger more than a sister(Michael you lil shit).

➛ The reason why is cause Laurie was actually adopted right after he went to Smith’s ward for those six years that night.She was kinda a replacer for his parents thus he’s he really doesn’t talk to them and is distant with her.

➛ In his middle of one his beloved college courses,he gets a call from his parents that Laurie is no longer gonna be with them.He’s sweating,pacing the room and his breathing is heavily uneven and demands a explanation from them they say her real parents have abandoned her at a young age due to financial issues and them losing their house and they didn’t want her be a orphan so they dropped her off on a strange yet occupied house(The Myer’s house)not knowing they saw Laurie’s parents just leave a baby at the front porch years have passed they ended up finding her through being acquainted the Myers from the past Haddonfield’s Halloween party.

➛ Her real parents go to The Myer’s house that night,discussing all events that lead up until now not even thanking the Myers for taking such good care of their daughter for all those missing years.She packs her bags barely even saying goodbye and not even looking at Micahel cause she knows she will crumble in front of him which thinking he doesn’t deserve it at all for those cold stares,distance and treating her like stranger rather than a sister through the years

➛ Just when it got bad it goes worse he loses his baby adopted sister he didn’t even bother with being close to her all those years.He has a whole episode,wailing and breaking stuff.Judith is the only one to comfort and reminding him that’ll he can make up lost time with her in the future but he doesn’t think so and she reminds him how he once watched over her due to a nightmare he didn’t sleep until she did

➛ He goes through a lot!breakdowns,identity crisis and suffering from middle child syndrome

➛ He ends up dropping out of college then goes back then drops out AGAIN then finally comes again(Libra man moment)

➛ Finally finds that it’s music he wants to do,he joins the Haddonfield’s Harv Orchestra and plays Cello!(This is based off when I was in orchestra i played Violin and the poster that was there was”when words fail,music speaks”and it seems to resonates with him)

➛ On the down and side job,he does ballet he looks so *cheft kiss*elegant doing it then he did a stage act as a joke once,he outdid himself with that performance but there’s rumor going on a film crew with a very familiar old man saw how impressive his acting skills were that they want him on set for a scary movie(John Carpenter!?)he denies!?!he still is unsure if he wants to be seen on screen entirely(boy has a inferior complexity and self esteem issues)yet he already is by the orchestra and the ballet community?(Someone come get his messy indecisive self up)

➛ Man has many talents but sticks to only ONE career like ?but has been thinking of switching careers

➛ Has a hard time talking about”So Michael you got a significant other yet?”tbh all that has happened he is lonely but covers it up with being occupied with his musical career but he deeply longs and craves for friendship once more than a relationship!

➛ If He were to be in a relationship,that’s almost impossible with him.You don’t earn or deserve anything from him!that’s what he thinks at first(I mean he had a meh childhood,older sister stole his original career giving him a inferior complex,his childhood friend never saw him as a friend then got self esteem issues,lost his little adopted sister and went through a lot and nobody has been able to tear those ancient walls down or touch his heart!y/o is special)you gotta pull until love spills out from him!(cause once you do he’s just awkward,nervous and unsure about if you really love him or not but he will see in the end you do and it’ll be 50/50 but deep down wants you sticking with him till the very end please don’t leave him cause he’ll lose it tbfh)(treat him right 🔪)

NSFW

➛ He’s a damn bratty switch! but when he bottoms it’s from the top still

(I might add more.But watch me re-do and upload this again lol...)

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theirbbygirl · 3 years

Text

Second Lead Syndrome

Word Count: ~8.7k words

liked this? there’s more on my masterlist!

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Comedy, Female reader insert

Description: Y/n and Minho have been friends for more than 2 years now, but suddenly she begins to see herself as the mere second lead in Minho’s story. Will she be the rare second lead who gets her own happy ending?

Warnings: some crying, themes of unrequited love (if there’s anything that I missed don’t hesitated to let me know!)

I’d only ever encountered Second Lead Syndrome in the dramas I’d watched. Wanting the girl to end up with the second lead who was so obviously the better and healthier choice, but like every avid watcher of kdramas, it's more than likely for the main leads to end up with each other, that was just how it worked. What I never thought I’d encounter was seeing it happen before my own eyes and experience it firsthand.

Life was never supposed to be a kdrama. Life was supposed to be simple, a straight line, going from point A to B with no complications. But life never really went my way did it? It just had to throw in one variable, one man that had too much influence on my life.

I couldn’t remember the first time I met Minho. It was probably sometime in the first grade when his family first moved in next to mine. But alas, we were both too young to remember exactly what sparked our friendship. One day we were strangers and the next we had given our parents a near heart attack when we both went after a stray cat on the way back home (my mom’s words, not ours). From then my memories were filled with him, just us besties hanging out like anyone would with their best friend. First party, first mental breakdown, first drink, all with him. Soon enough we were in our final year of University, and ultimately, adults.

The Minho I knew was laid back, not too extroverted but not too introverted either. While I completely contrasted him, always anxious about something, wanting perfection to the T, and completely and utterly introverted. Our friendship, moving into University, sparked a lot of questions. You wouldn’t typically find the introverted straight-A student with the borderline badboy tsundere walking and laughing in the halls together, spending practically every waking moment together. But Minho didn’t care, and neither did I, so we moved through life pretty easily.

One of the few things we had in common was our love for cats, and when we both foudn out there was a cat cafe just a few minutes walk from our campus, you best bet we spent too much of our time and money there. Studying, hanging out, anything you could imagine. If we weren’t in one of our dorms, we were more than likely to be in the cat cafe.

Every day after class we’d go there and we’d complain about our least favorite professors and how lectures would seemingly last for longer than they should. Additionally, Minho had almost become akin to my own dormmate with how much time he spent in my dorm. He’d come in whenever he wished, stealing my frozen pizzas and sodas, using my Netflix account on my TV to watch weird National Geographic shows and make random comments like “that snake looks just like Kim Seungmin,” or “look its Hannie” whenever a squirrel came on screen. Minho was always there when I needed a drinking partner after bombing a test or assignment, pouring me shots of soju until I passed out and bringing me to my bed and tucking me in whiel he would sleep on the couch to make sure I wouldn’t do anything stupid in the middle of the night.

Although, more people knew Minho’s name than mine, but that didn’t bother any of us. We continued on being friends as usual, and it felt like nothing would change that. Life was moving in a straight line like it should’ve always been.

At least, that’s what it felt like until February, just a few months before we graduated.

I make my way to our usual spot in the courtyard after buying an iced coffee and a snickers bar from the vending machine next to my classroom, I walk up behind Minho sitting on a bench when I find him staring out in front of him instead of looking at cat videos on his phone like he usually does. Slowing my walk, I trail my eyes to the vague direction he’s facing and see that he’s looking at Kim Seungmin and a girl chatting outside the classroom. I ignore the thought, opting to think that Minho must’ve spaced out thinking about how he would irritate Seungmin next class. I plop down next to him when he still doesn’t take note of my arrival, so I get right next to his ear and blow cold air into it, snickering when he jolts in surprise.

“What was that for?” He whines, fake annoyed.

“You got lost up in your thoughts for a certain Kim Seungmin there.” I snicker some more, opening my snickers (hehe) bar.

Just as I’m about to take the first bite of the sugary goodness, the chocolate bar gets snatched out of my hands and a certain Lee Minho takes an obnoxious bite out of it, not even giving it back but eating it like it was his. I pout, watching him devour my snack, knowing that I couldn’t do anything to get it back.

“For your information, I was not thinking about Kim Seungmin.” He says pointedly, slightly muffled by the chocolate in his mouth.

I sigh, knowing I wasn’t going to get that chocolate bar back any time soon, and open my iced coffee. “So what were you thinking about then?” I ask before taking a sip.

“Don’t know, spaced out.” Is all the answer I get and I highly doubt him, but I brush it off anyways and don’t pry.

Minho and I slide into our usual conversation about assignments, plans for the week, and everything under the sun. We talk about how he’s planning to visit home the next day and stay for a weekend and how excited he is to see his cats after a long time, I unknowingly smile at his ramble about how talkative Dori is, and just sit back and listen. I never took into account how healing it was to just watch and listen to him talk, the sultry of his voice and his little exclamations of frustration or excitement that came once in a while. I had to catch myself from staring when he turned to look at me, having asked me a question I didn’t catch.

“Sorry what was that?” I ask.

“Am I that beautiful for you to have lost your hearing to my handsome face?” I couldn’t just tell him that that was basically what had happened, it would inflate his ego by too much and reveal everything I’d hidden thus far.

“The heck? No, I was thinking about how great it would be to get some peace and quiet while you’re not around this weekend.” I lie, having Minho around is the only thing that brings me entertainment that isn’t endless sappy kdramas on my laptop, but he can never know that.

Minho scoffs, says something under his breath that I don’t quite catch, then turns back to me. “You love me.” He says with a pout.

“Unfortunately I do.”

That was the first of many inconspicuous confessions.

It was nearing 3 or 4 am and I was about halfway done with another kdrama when several knocks resound through the small living space. Knowing exactly who it is, I only shout back “you know the code!” and moments later the door opens.

I don’t bother to get up and greet Minho, this exact scene has happened too many times for either of us to care at this point, and it doesn’t surprise me that the moment he enters he shouts, “Honey I’m home!” like we’re in some cheesy romcom.

“Mhmm, welcome home, leech.” I enunciate the last word purposely, but I know he won’t bat an eye at the term. I continue to chew my popcorn while he wanders through my cabinets, looking for snacks. “There’s chips in the cabinet next to the fridge and sprite in there too. If you want more food order Chinese takeout.”

“I don’t have my wallet.” I can practically hear his pout from where I sat, eyes unmoving from the TV screen.

“You know where mine is, but you have to pay me back.” A few seconds pass with no response until suddenly he’s next to me and kissing my cheek.

“I loveeee you!” He says too sweetly, retreating back to the mini-kitchen to order takeout.

“Mhmm, I love you too.” I say, not loud enough for him to hear the confidence missing from my tone.

Continuing to watch the episode of in front of me, I remain in my comfortable position, only moving to lift my legs when Minho comes back to sit on the couch under my legs and the blanket.

“Oh you’re watching this one?” He asks, reaching into the bowl of popcorn I offer him.

“Yeah, didn’t have anything else to watch so I put it on since everyone seems to like it so much.”

“Mm,” he hums while also indulging himself into the scenes playing in front of him. “You’re probably team potato guy, right?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course I am!” I scoff.

“I don’t know, I still think she should end up with Jae-eon.”

“Are you crazy? He literally leads her on like every playboy and is ruining her mentality by not defining their relationship.”

“Yeah, but they’re so cute together, and you can totally tell he feels something for her.” He argues.

“Just cause they’re cute together doesn’t mean they’re good for each other, the entire guy is a walking red flag, I don’t understand why she doesn’t just walk away when she’s had experience with a shit boyfriend.” I sigh.

“You, have major second lead syndrome.” He points an accusing finger at me.

“So what? It’s for good reason, the main lead is toxic as fuck and you can’t change my mind.” I upturn my nose, turning back to the TV and continuing to watch the episode.

The mentioning of the second lead sends a flurry of thoughts into my brain for a reason I can’t comprehend. Sometimes the main leads aren’t that bad but still we want the main character to end up with the second lead, maybe out of our own natural selfishness because we prefer the second lead more. I shake the thoughts away, trying to convince myself that kdramas were only works of fiction and too cheesy to be real, yet for whatever reason I always felt a connection with the second leads, like our emotions directed to our crushes were the same, because I knew that I would always be the second lead in Minho’s story.

Minho’s name was always called out more times than mine was growing up, which I didn’t really mind until our hangout time would be seriously cut down because he had to hang out with other friends. Don’t get me wrong, I loved that he had friends, but there was a little bit of selfishness in me that wanted him to myself.

A new drama and a few episodes later, plus Chinese takeout, lead to our eventual demise. We both fall asleep on the couch in less than comfortable positions and wake up with stiff-neck, us groaning at the pain.

We continue on with our usual morning routines, taking turns freshening up in the bathroom before heading out for breakfast at Paws and Pastries since we were both too lazy to make food ourselves. Besides, hot coffee in the morning plus good sandwiches AND cats? What more could you ask for?

When we enter the cat cafe I notice a familiar face behind the cashier, it was the same girl Seungmin was talking to on Friday, and the same girl I caught Minho staring at. We walk up to the cashier, I order my food first, a simple breakfast sandwich with a coffee to go with it and wait next to Minho to finish ordering.

I made the mistake up glancing up at his face as he was telling his order to her, Ahra, her name tag read. There was something in his eyes that glinted that I had never seen before, not when he talked to Han and not when he talked to me. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of emotion in the middle of my chest before forcing myself to look back down, inserting my card and paying for everything. I sent the girl a thank you and a kind smile after she told us our food would be right over, and both me and Minho went over to our usual table in the back corner next to the cat’s jungle gym and right up next to the window. I get lost in my thoughts while we begin playing with the cats we were so accustomed to.

Like most second leads, I knew exactly what my feelings were. I was practically an adult, how could I miss the fast beating of my heart or my clammy hands whenever I was around him? But again, like most second leads, I knew I’d never get a chance with him, not when everything we did together was purely platonic. It was painfully obvious that I’d be stuck with an unrequited love for who knows how long, and I couldn’t just detach myself from him all of a sudden to get over my feelings because a) he’d notice and force me to tell him what was wrong, ultimately leading me to tell him that I had feelings for him, and b) the moment I would come back or see him for even just a second I know I would develop those feelings all over again. Neither of which were choices I was willing to take so I suck it up and see him every day, ignoring everything my heart was telling me.

I look up from the cat that I’m petting in my lap and look at Minho again, only to find him staring at Ahra who was taking people’s orders with a perfect pearly smile. It was in that moment that I knew, I had just found the female lead of Minho’s story.

3 weeks go by in a similar manner. Minho and I see Ahra around campus a few times and with some twisted fate, she’s on the clock every time we go to Paws and Pastries. Minho, being his smooth self, easily gets himself acquainted with her. They laugh and giggle so naturally and can slip into conversation so easily I’m almost envious of Minho and his non-introverted self.

Not being one to try and stop fate, I watch it all happen. Telling Minho to ask her out already and teasing him about how lovesick he gets when he sees her nearby or at the cafe. I know Minho likes her when he blushes or gets defensive whenever I mention her in our conversations even though he’s never explicitly told me himself. I put on a face in front of him whenever these conversations come up, not wanting to get in the way of his happiness.

One day some of our friends want to meet up outside of campus, we make plans to meet up at a bowling alley, ready to have fun until the late evening hours. Seungmin brought Ahra along with him, asking if it was okay to invite her since they were friends. Everyone agrees and we all meet up as planned. When everyone gets there, including Seungmin and Ahra, we introduce ourselves, Minho not having to introduce himself and easily speaking with her like they always did whenever running into each other. All the the boys have raised brows and mischievous smiles as they watch the interaction between the two, but only one looks at me in concern.

A majority of the night passes by with laughter and teasing, how Chan was terrible at bowling this night and Minho easily beating him despite never doing too well on our previous adventures to the bowling alley. I spend the night with the rest of the boys, while Minho and Ahra spend time getting to know each other even more. There’s a point in the evening where I see Minho hold out his phone to Ahra to exchange numbers, I can hear her giggle when they take a selfie together, probably for her profile picture. I have to turn my head away quickly to ignore the cracking of my own heart when Minho puts his arm on the couch behind Ahra, he does it so naturally, yet he’s never done it with me. I will my thoughts to focus on the game and not on Minho, not noticing the same pair of concerned eyes until they speak up.

“Are you alright?” Hyunjin asks.

“Hm? Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” My voice cracks halfway through and I try to hide my sad eyes, even though I was fully aware that Hyunjin had probably noticed that something was up.

“‘Cause you seem pretty affected by that scene over there.” He motions to Minho and Ahra with a nod of his head.

“It’s nothing, Hyun, just nice seeing Minho talking to more people.”

“Y/n, you know he talks to people all the time, and you’re not nearly as affected then as you are now.”

“Hyunjin, really, it’s fine.” I try to convince him but he says something that lets me know that he knows.

“You like Minho.”

“What? No that’s absurd I-“ He looks at me pointedly, and I sigh in defeat. “Yeah, okay, you got me.”

“Why don’t you say anything? Clearly it hurts you to see him like that.” He refers to Minho getting cozy with her.

“Hyunjin, it’s clear that everything we have is platonic, he even called me his sister several times. And who am I to get in the way of him getting into a relationship? That’s not my place to say anything, especially when his last girlfriend was 2 years ago.”

“I get that, but shouldn’t he at least deserve to know? He says that he knows everything about you, but there’s one thing that he doesn't. You know practically everything about him, isn’t it a little unfair?”

“We have choices as to what we share with each other and what we don’t, it’s his choice to tell me what he wants to and my choice to tell him what I want to tell him. Besides, he hasn’t even told me that he has a crush on Ahra yet.”

“So maybe he doesn’t then.”

“Hyunjin, just look at him, he’s a puppy in love.” I glance back over to Minho and Ahra sitting parallel to us. Minho is smiling brightly, more brightly than I had seen in a while and I can’t help but let my lips upturn at the corners just slightly in another sad smile.

Hyunjin sighs next to me, and I look back to him. “I’m sorry y/n, I really wish he would end up with you instead of her, it doesn’t seem fair to you.”

“Hey, don’t say that, Ahra seems like a nice girl, she and Minho will get along great. And nothing in life is fair Hyunjin, that’s just something you come to accept.” I say, getting up. “I’m gonna get some drinks, does anyone want anything?” I ask everyone.

“Cola!” “Me too!” “Me three!” “A lemonade please.” A few of the boys shout back.

“Anything for you guys?” I turn to Minho and Ahra. They both shake their heads. “Okay then, I’ll be back in a minute guys.” I smile at the group before going to get the drinks.

While walking away from the group I let a teardrop fall from my eye, wiping it away just before I order.

Life’s unfair, that’s just something I have to accept.

A week goes by and Minho’s talking about how he and Ahra message often, how he thinks they get along well and he’s gonna ask her out.

Another week goes by and they’ve gone on their first date, he takes her to the beach and they have a picnic.

Two weeks after that they’ve gone on several dates and are officially boyfriend and girlfriend, I don’t even find out separately at this point, I find out with the rest of the group over dinner.

A few days after that Minho calls off one of our late night binge watching sessions, texting me an apology and that Ahra needs him. I tell him it’s okay and to send my regards to her.

It’s a week and half after and Minho regularly calls off our meetups at the cafe after school or at one another’s dorms to tend to Ahra. I tell him it’s fine each time and to not feel bad. He did the same today, and I sit alone at our usual table, mindlessly petting a cat in my lap while zoning out into in my mug of coffee.

All while this happens, I watch, and I let it happen. I don’t fight for him because it didn’t feel right, sometimes second leads let their love fall for someone else, and that’s all it felt like I could do.

Fighting for Minho felt selfish, especially when I knew I had no chance and he’d already fallen for Ahra. I couldn’t suddenly come out of the blue and tell him “hey, I have feelings for you,” when he’s already dating Ahra, I’d look like a major asshole if I did. All I could do was watch and see how we begun to drift farther and farther apart.

With Minho being absent more often, I don’t get to tell him much. Like the internship offer I got to continue pursuing graphic design in Itaewon. I got the email almost a week ago, and I had two more weeks to decide if I was going to take the offer. With nobody to consult about it with I continue to push it to the back of my mind, not wanting to deal with more stress just yet.

Just as I’m taking another sip of my coffee a familiar head of long blonde hair enters the cafe. My head tilts to the side in confusion as he scans the room for someone when he meets eyes with me, he makes his way over and sits in the seat in front of me and doesn’t say anything.

“You’re rarely on this side of town, why are you here?” I ask Hyunjin first.

“I heard something from Ms. Kim in our art class and needed to know if it was true.” He says seriously.

“What…” I feel like I know what he’s going to say, but I ask anyways. “What did you hear?”

“That you were offered an internship in Itaewon.”

“Hyunjin I-“

“Is it really true? She said you had two more weeks to decide, how come you haven’t told anybody? Does Minho know? Are you gonna leave? What about-” He begins to spurt out question after question and it’s almost too much for me to handle.

“Hyunjin!” I raise my voice just slightly to get him to stop but I have to turn it down again when the volume of my voice makes a few of the other customers’ heads turn. “Calm down, yes it’s true, yes I have two more weeks to decide if I’m going or not, I didn’t know how I would tell any of you, no, Minho doesn’t know and I don’t plan on telling him.”

“Are you… Are you gonna take the offer?” He asks slowly.

I prop my elbows onto the table as the cat leaves my lap and my head drops into my hands as I sigh in exasperation. “I don’t know.” Tears are gathering in my eyes as I think about it.

“Y/n, have you thought about the offer at all?”

“Yes and no.” I don’t need to lift my head to sense Hyunjin’s confusion. “It’s hard to think about it when you’re watching your crush of 2 years date someone else while you’re also trying to finish up your senior year. But it’s also all I can think about when I’m alone, which I find myself a lot, thinking about having to find a place to live in Itaewon and transfer and mentally prepare to leave you all here, but if I don’t take it then it’ll be even harder to find an offer like this. It’s all I can think about and also something that I can’t bring myself to think about, Hyunjin.” I lift my head and my teary eyes meet his own.

“Y/n…” His voice breaks saying my name.

“I think I’m going to take it.” I pause. “Once I finish all of my final assignments the only thing I have left to really worry about is graduating and finding a job, and I don’t think I can take watching Minho and Ahra anymore Hyun, I don’t think I can stomach it. I’m happy for them, I truly am, but it’s also affecting me and I don’t think I should ignore that anymore. If I’m in Itaewon I have a job and I won’t have to worry about feelings anymore, two birds with one stone.”

I see the hesitancy in Hyunjin’s facial expressions before he speaks. “If that’s what you think you should do, then I’ll support you all the way. But shouldn’t you tell Minho about this?”

“I’m not, because if I do, Minho is gonna find some way to get me to stay and I’ll crumble and stay because he affects me the most.” Hyunjin merely nods in response. “Hyunjin, you are the only one that can know about this, okay? I can’t have everyone else know this, especially Minho, okay?”

Hesitation again, and then, “Okay.”

Hyunjin keeps his promise, he keeps the secret of me leaving from everyone. Even as graduation inches closer and our group begins to talk more about job searching, what comes next, and similar topics, the two of us keep it a secret. Whenever they asked me what I was thinking of doing next I always just told them “oh probably looking for internships nearby,” and no more questions are asked.

Minho and Ahra were still very much in love, even more than before, if the growing absence of Minho’s presence was anything to go by. I barely saw Minho anymore, maybe catching him at the end of the hall every once in awhile, but he was always walking with Ahra so all I could say was “hello” and “goodbye.”

Each goodbye begun to hold more and more weight as the days passed. Even the short ones I would tell Minho after passing him in the halls. I couldn’t even conjure how I would tell everyone, maybe send a letter to each of their places? A text message? Tell them after the graduation ceremony just before I left for the train station? I thought about how I would say goodbye as I begun to pack up my dorm. Graduation was nearing, I had already turned in all of my final assignments, and all there was left was to pack. I would leave after the ceremony ended, sometime in the afternoon. I wouldn’t even get the chance to properly celebrate being graduates with my friends because I was leaving in the afternoon. I’d get situated in my new apartment in Itaewon and get accustomed to new life outside of Gimpo.

The thought of leaving panged my heart harshly, I had never left Gimpo permanently before. Sure, I had gone on trips to the US and Singapore and Seoul before, but I had never moved from Gimpo. I was born and raised in Gimpo, met Minho and all of our friends here, so the thought of moving for the first time did something to my heart. I attended all of our group hangouts with a nostalgic mindset, remembering the first time we all met, when we all got wasted one time on a Friday night after some big exam week. I look around our table of friends and think about how much I’ll miss all of this when I leave for Itaewon.

Another thing that panged my heart, Minho and I distancing. I knew it was coming, Minho and I didn’t text or talk about hanging out anymore. He walked Ahra to her classes now, and had dates with her after class instead of meeting me at our cafe. Eventually I stopped getting apology messages, and stopped expecting him at the cafe anymore. I couldn’t blame him, Ahra was his girlfriend and I accepted that long ago. Instead I just played the supportive friend on the sidelines, and I’d continue to play that role for as long as I had to.

It came to be the night before we graduated, and all of us minus Minho and Ahra were sat around a table in one of the restaurants we frequented, it wasn’t too late in the evening, and we all just sat in silence after finishing our food with bottles and glasses of soju now sitting in front of us. A majority of our meal was full of reminiscing, talking about memories that crack everyone up and left smiles on our faces.

“So, we really graduate tomorrow, huh?” Changbin says when the table quiets down.

“Yeah, I guess we do.” Chan says quietly.

My eyes tear up and I begin to sniff without control, the weight of my department tomorrow weighing heavily on my shoulders. Hyunjin puts an arm around my shoulders and gives me a tissue, whispering “it’s okay, it’s okay” to me while I try to calm down.

Everyone looks at me in confusion before Chan speaks first. “Y/n are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just…” I trail off, not sure what to say.

“Do you want to tell them?” Hyunjin asks softly.

“Tell us what?” Seungmin says this time.

Hyunjin looks to me first before nodding, and I begin to spill my secret. “I got an internship offer.”

The table erupts in cheers and I get congratulations thrown back at me before I can even continue.

“But…” Immediately everyone silences and looks to me in expectation. “It’s in Itaewon.”

There’s a tense air that falls around us. “What?” Felix says in disbelief.

“You’re not leaving us, right Noona?” Jeongin asks from another part of the table.

I look to Jeongin with sad eyes, smiling sadly. “I leave tomorrow, after our graduation ceremony.” There’s some gasps around the table.

“What?! Y/n, why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Changbin blows up and Chan has to place a hand on his shoulder to restrain him.

“I didn’t want every time we met leading up to graduation to feel like a goodbye, Bin, I couldn’t handle that. So I kept it from you all so there wasn’t this tension every time we met.” I explained.

“Does Minho know?” Seungmin asks this time, and I shake my head.

“Y/n…” Han says worriedly.

“Guys, I know I’m not the only one that’s noticed that me and Minho aren’t that close anymore, so I haven’t really gotten the chance to tell him. But I told Hyunjin this a long time ago, that I wouldn’t tell Minho specifically, because there’s some things that I need to figure out and if I told him he’d find some way to keep me from going, or even worse, follow me. At least with Ahra by his side he won’t follow me to Itaewon.” There’s nods all around the table, understanding where I’m coming from.

“We’re gonna miss you a lot.” Felix sniffs and I coo, getting up from my seat to wrap my arms around him from behind.

“I’m gonna miss you all too.” I sniff with him, a few tears escaping my eyes.

Chan comes to join our hug, then Han, then Jeongin, and soon enough everyone has joined the group hug with me in the middle. All of us are crying, and I had never felt more loved than that moment.

Eventually we break away from the hug and return to our seats, everyone dabbing at their eyes with tissues and sniffing.

“Let’s all stop crying, tonight is a night to celebrate, all of us graduate tomorrow, and our dear Y/n got an internship offer in a big city!” Han holds up a drink and we all do the same, cheering and clinking our glasses together and celebrating the night away.

The next morning I get ready for graduation early, putting on my makeup and doing my hair, and sending a message.

to: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]

hey, can you meet me at p&p in thirty?

My heart picks up the pace as I send the message, I didn’t expect him to answer so quickly yet his message pings my phone within 2 minutes.

from: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]

sure, i can be there

to: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]

sweet, i’ll see you there

I turn my phone off and take a deep breath, we still had a few hours before we had to be at the school for our graduation ceremony, I’d have to leave just a few minutes after the ceremony ended which wouldn’t give me enough time to tell Minho, so, I made the painful decision the night before to tell him in the morning. I’d do it in our favorite spot in the corner of our favorite cat cafe, tell him the news slowly and hope that he takes it well.

I leave my house and 15 minutes later I’m in our usual booth, my coffee order sitting in front of me and the cats all wandering around as there weren’t too many people since it was relatively early in the morning. I already bought Minho his typical Iced Americano and it sat in front of me, awaiting it’s owner.

10 minutes later Minho arrives and makes his way to the table, sitting in front of me, smiling, unknowing of what’s about to happen.

“Hey.” I smile at him.

“Hey you.” He smiles back brightly. “Sorry I couldn’t see you guys last night, I took Ahra out for dinner last night on a date.”

“It’s completely alright, how are you guys?”

“Pretty good, things are going okay right now.” He answers.

“That’s good.” Nervously I take a sip of my macchiato in front of me, my leg bouncing in anxiety.

“Y/n? Is everything alright? Your leg’s bouncing pretty fast right now.” Curse Minho and the fact that he knows so much about me, he reaches out for my wrist and checks my pulse, quickly noticing how fast it’s beating as his brows furrow in confusion.

“Minho, there’s something I need to tell you.” I say, retracting my wrist from his grip. He doesn’t answer me but instead tilts his head like a cat does when it looks at its owner questionably. “I’m leaving.”

“What?” He asks.

How could one look so endearing, head tilted and eyes full of emotion as I break the news to him? I ask myself. “I got an internship offer for a company in Itaewon, I accepted it and I’m leaving for Itaewon, today.”

“You’re leaving today?” He says in disbelief, sounding out of breath.

I nod and continue. “After the graduation today I have to catch my bus. I didn’t have any other time to tell you so I had to tell you now.”

“You’re… You’re just telling me now? Do the others know about this?”

“I only told them last night.”

“You couldn’t have thought of telling me sooner?” He starts to get angry.

“Minho I-“

“What happened to telling me everything, huh? What happened to when we used to know everything about each other?”

“Minho, those days are long behind us, you have bigger priorities now, like putting your focus on your girlfriend, Minho. I couldn’t tell you because I knew you’d do something rash, and I didn’t even tell the others until last night because I knew every time we’d see each other it would be like preparing for the day I leave. You and Ahra have something so great going on for the two of you right now and telling you that I was leaving would take you away from that, and I can’t do that to you or her. Ahra is an amazing girl, and you have her now.”

“Will you at least visit?” His eyes are full of tears, some of the first I’ve seen in years and I hate that I’m the cause of it.

“I don’t know yet, there’s some things I need to figure out myself first, before I can visit. But at some point maybe I will, when I’ve figured things out I’ll try visiting from time to time.” I offer him a sad smile.

After a few moments of silence I get up from my seat.

“We still have a graduation left, Min, I’ll still see you then.” I ruffle his hair and walk out of the cafe, no more secrets but one weighing down on my chest.

The Graduation ceremony passes by in a blur. One moment we were listening to the speeches of each of the professors and the next we were tossing our caps into the air, cheering as we became alumni of our university.

Our friend group met up in the front of the school, taking pictures with our parents and congratulating each other. Eventually, the time comes and I have to go.

Our group stands in a circle, unmoving, as we all look at each other.

“I’m gonna miss all of you so much.” I say in tears as my voice breaks.

“We’re gonna miss you too, Y/n.” Hyunjin says. At his words everyone gathers into a group hug full of tears and the weight of a goodbye on our shoulders.

“You better promise to visit us, okay?” Felix holds me by the shoulders and makes a point to look me in the eye. Not trusting my voice, I nod and he brings me into one more hug.

I hug each of them individually, saying a few words, before I reach the last person.

I hug Minho and look into his eyes for the last time for a while.

“I’ll miss you.” He whispers.

“Me too.” And that’s all I can say.

I leave the campus for the last time, hopping in my car to head to the station and start anew.

Second leads always leave in the end, they leave and let the two main leads have a happy ending. That’s what it felt like I was doing, and I couldn’t tell if I was content with my choice or not.

Two and a half months in Itaewon passes quickly.

The move into my new apartment was smooth, and it was odd to be in a bigger space than a small dorm room. It felt like I had more space than I knew what to do with.

My internship was moving along smoothly as well, everyone I had met so far were really kind and taught me a lot. I was worried about feeling out of place but I had met a few other girls not much older than me who helped me feel at home.

Being alone in a big city was unnerving, but what made it so much more comfortable was the addition of a cat that my parents had bought me as my graduation gift. She was a chartreux cat who I named Luna because I had always dreamed of naming my first cat that. My parents covered most of the costs of basic things like cat toys, a scratch post, her bed, and similar things. I thanked my parents endlessly when they came over to my apartment a week after I had moved in and gave me Luna. I wasn’t gone for too long during the day and always left food for her, she was great company when I came home and worked on projects late into the evening, curling up into my lap like the cats at the old cafe used to. She was my best friend in a city I was still getting accustomed to.

I hadn’t talked to the guys much, I’d talked with them a few times in the group chat about how their job searches were going and trips they were planning to take soon. It was nice talking with them every so often but all of us were still pretty busy moving onto the next chapter of our lives.

I hadn’t talked to Minho since I left, I’d assumed that he and Ahra were doing well, but that’s all that was, assumption. None of the boys talked about him and I couldn’t understand why, but I never asked since I was supposed to be moving on from my feelings in the first place. I thought I had been doing pretty well until something would come up that reminded me of him, like his favorite song would play in the cafe I bought my morning coffee in and spent my breaks at, or snapchat would send me “Today, 1 year ago” memories of him and me fooling around at Paws and Pastries. Whenever that would happen I’d be sent back to square one, and it felt like I’d never move on from Minho.

I was on my way out to grab a coffee and spend my off day walking around, maybe looking into a few shops when I got a call from Hyunjin.

“Y/n! My favorite girl, how are you?”

“Hyunjin? What’s with the call?”

“What? Can I not call my friends from time to time?”

“Not when you’re notorious for calling your ‘friends’ after you’ve done something wrong.” I sigh.

“That was one time! Besides, it wasn’t that bad.”

“You dragged Jeongin to a party! And got him wasted!”

“One. Time. Y/n. It was one time.”

“One time is enough for you to be in trouble for life, Hyun.”

“Okay, whatever, but I was meaning to ask you, what’re your plans for today?”

“Me? I was just planning to go out, today’s my day off so I was gonna visit this one cafe and see some shops, why?”

“No reason, what time do you think you’ll be home?”

“Maybe five?”

“Great, okay, I have to go now, Han’s calling me, bye!” Hyunjin hangs up before I can ask him what’s with the weird questions.

“Hyunjin- Oh great he hung up.” I put my phone in my pocket before looking down at Luna who’s stretching near my legs. “Your uncle Hyunjin is quite the odd one, isn’t he Luna, hm?” I ask her and she meows back in response. “Weird indeed, but that’s just how he is. Mommy’s gonna spend her day out and then she’ll come home and we can watch the TV together, okay? I’ll be home soon.” I pick up Luna and set her on her little bed before ensuring everything is safe and make my way out the door.

I spend the day eating at a large cat cafe that actually had an assortment of books with little reading areas while the cats roamed around everywhere. It was much bigger than the cafe in Gimpo, but I would always correlate that one with home.

After I spent a bit of time reading there I went out and explored the shops for a few hours, bought some new jeans and a few blouses plus some makeup things. I got Subway for lunch and explored just a little bit more before heading home. Instead of going straight home, I decided to take the long way, going through the streets not minding the extra weight the few shopping bags I was holding in my hands gave me. The sun was just barely beginning to set as I walked into my apartment complex, getting into the elevator and pressing the button for my floor.

I walk down the hallway to my door and am surprised when a familiar figure greets me there.

“Minho?” I say as I walk closer.

“Y/n!” He says happily, bringing me into a hug.

“What are you doing here? Actually- Wait- Don’t answer that, do you wanna come inside?” I ask him.

“Sure.” He responds.

I unlock the door and bring my bags in, setting them by the door. “Luna! Mommy’s home!” I call out automatically.

Luna meows and comes out of the bedroom, walking her way up to me before I pick her up.

“You got a cat?” Minho asks.

“Yeah, parents brought her to me about a week after I moved in.” I put Luna back down and she moves to sit on the arm of the couch, her favorite spot to sit when the sun goes down.

“And you named her Luna,” He smiles fondly. “You always wanted to name your cat Luna.”

“I’m surprised you remember that.” I chuckle. “Do you want some coffee?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll get that brewing, just give me a few minutes, you can take a seat on the couch and make yourself at home!” I tell him as I quickly retreat to the kitchen.

I have to take a few breaths when I’m far away enough from Minho, my heart beating just as fast as it would when I was around him back then. It was clear I hadn’t moved on at all.

I brew the coffee as promised and wait next to the coffee machine with two mugs ready. A voice chimes in behind me.

“Your place is much bigger than the dorms.” He chuckles.

“Tell me about it, it was so weird buying more furniture than I was used to.” I laugh with him.

The machine finishes brewing the coffee and I pour it into the two mugs, putting it on a tray with creamer and sugar before bringing it all to the coffee table in front of the couch.

Minho and I take seats on the couch, separated by a bit of space between us while we sip on our respective mugs.

“So,” I start the conversation. “How’s home?”

“Not too bad, same old same old, the guys being annoying as usual, you know?” He says.

“Sounds fun.” I chuckle. “And work, have you found anything yet?”

“Not yet, I’ve got a few applications out, but I’m still waiting on some answers.”

“I’m sure you’ll get them soon.” I respond.

An uncomfortable silence sets over the both of us, and I run my free hand through Luna’s fur who’s situated herself in my lap this time. I take a long sip of my coffee before asking another question.

“How’s… How are you and Ahra?”

“Oh…” He trails off. “We broke up a few weeks ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that…” I had no idea that he and Ahra had broken up, in fact that was the completely opposite of what I thought had happened since they seemed to work together so well.

“Yeah, it was a mutual thing. We didn’t really feel that kind of connection anymore, you know? So we just, broke it off.”

“Are you okay?” I ask Minho.

“Me? Yeah, I’m actually not as affected as I thought I’d be, I don’t know if that makes me a cruel person or not but I was only sad for the first week or two. Nothing too bad.”

“I see.” Another silence settles between us. This one is longer, more tense, there was something Minho wanted to ask but he wasn’t sure, and I couldn’t depict what question he was going to ask.

“Actually, I came her for a reason.” He says.

“And what reason is that?” I ask hesitantly.

“For answers.” My brows furrow, answers for what? “There’s something Hyunjin told me recently and it got me thinking, and I wanted to hear it from you if it was true.”

I finish my coffee and place it down delicately on the coffee table, trying not to show how nervous I was with how badly my hands were shaking. “I’ll see if I have answers for you then.”

“When you told me you were leaving, you said you had some, things, to figure out on your own. What was it that you had to figure out?”

I take a moment to decide exactly how I was going to answer his question. Did I want to expose my feelings to him just yet? “Just, feelings.” I say vaguely.

“For?”

“Just feelings for somebody.”

“Is it Hyunjin?”

“No.”

“Chan?”

“Nope.”

“Changbin?”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Me?”

I pause for just a half second, and apparently that was all Minho needed. “I guess Hyunjin’s big mouth was right after all.”

“Wait- What? What are you talking about?”

Minho takes a long sip of his coffee before finishing letting out a sigh after swallowing, he slowly sets the mug on the table before making direct eye contact with me and silently killing me with the suspense. “Minho please just say something you’re killing me here.”

He only chuckles in response. “Hyunjin told me not too long ago that you took up the offer to work here because you were going to sort out your feelings, for me.” He says sweetly as I suck in a breath at his last words.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Minho-“

“Now now, Y/n, we shouldn’t hide things from each other anymore, should we?” His sweet, sultry voice was affecting me greatly as he leaned closer to me on the couch. I gulp and silently curse when Luna, the only thing keeping me sane, leaves the comfort of my lap for her scratch-post.

“Minho…” I let out quietly.

“Tell me, Kitten, is it true?” He asks once again.

“I-“ My voice catches in my throat when Minho leans in ever nearer, still making direct eye-contact with me. “Yes, it is.” I sigh out and Minho backs away.

“He was right.” Minho whispers while my gaze drops to my hands that I fiddle with in my lap at the secret that’s let out. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m sorry.” I whisper.

“Why are you sorry darling?” He asks softly and uses his thumb and forefinger to tilt my head up by my chin.

“I couldn’t tell you because I knew you didn’t feel the same, and then when you got together with Ahra we drifted apart because it hurt me to see you with her. Then I left and told you about me leaving so last minute. I made you cry, Minho, and I hate that I did. But I couldn’t see any other way out of it. I hurt you because I was cowardly and didn’t want to be selfish by telling you and having your attention move off of Ahra, when I was really being selfish by not telling you and hurting you in the end.” More tears escape my eyes as we look at each other.

“Princess, no…” He cups my face with his hands and uses his thumbs to wipe away my tears. “I’ll admit, it did hurt when you told me that you were leaving the day of, but I understood where you were coming from. Because you were right, I would have done something crazy to keep you by my side. Do you know why?” He asks, and I shake my head, still crying. “Because I need you by my side, kitten, even when I was dating Ahra I felt off but just didn’t pay any mind to it because I had her. But now I know it’s because you and I were drifting apart, I found out when after you left and me and Ahra broke up because I felt empty. I couldn’t text you to just come over anymore because you’re farther away from me now. I lied earlier, I said that I sent out some applications for jobs but didn’t get any answers yet, right?” I nod. “I got offered a job as a software engineer, here, in Itaewon, and I said yes.”

“Why?” I whisper.

“Because I want to be near you, I need to be by your side Y/n, because I love you.” I let out a sob at his confession and he coos, bringing me to rest my head on his chest and rubbing his hands on my back and running them through my hair.

“I love you too.” I say after a few minutes.

Minho brings me out of his hold, and cups my face again. For the first time, he kisses me. His lips brush over mine before deepening the kiss, taking full charge of it yet somehow still being soft with me. His kisses were nothing short of addicting, and I knew I’d be in love with him for a long time.

In that moment, kissing the man of my dreams, I remember that it may be rare that a second lead gets their own happy ending, but it’s not unheard of. Sometimes the main lead and second lead do end up with their own happily ever after.

Notes from the author: I have FINALLY posted something y’all 😂 took a few months but she’s here, and she’s dishing out something at least. I don’t know how often I’ll be posting again, esp with school and whatnot, but I do know I need to drain out my drafts because phew, it’s getting a little full in there.

But anyways, I hope you enjoyed this fic! I’m pretty sure it’s one of the longest I’ve written if not the longest. Hopefully it wasn’t too bad, I’m probably a little rusty but we can fix that (i think)

if you want more I still have my old stuff up on my masterlist on my account! hope to see you around :))

-nyx

#skz ff #skz fluff #skz fanfic #skz fanfiction #stray kids fanfiction #minho fluff #skz minho fluff #skz angst #yOU KNOW I KNOW LEE KNOW #skz lee know #lee know #lee know x y/n #tags are annoying sigh #lee minho fanfiction #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fic #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst

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minilinooo · 3 years

Text

for the best | haechan

pairing: bestfriend!haechan x gn!reader

genre: college!au, bestfriend! au, angst

warnings: small mention of underaged drinking?, falling out of friendship

word count: 1.6k

description: things have changed. day by day, you drift further away from your best friend and it breaks your heart. you ask to talk to him one day in hopes that you’re able to fix your deteriorating friendship. the thing is, were you able to?

Gosh it felt like your heart was about to burst out of your chest. What went on in your mind when you made this decision? Why would you do this when you could simply just give up? Why are you willing to go through even more pain when you’ve already spent countless nights crying over him? Honestly, who knows. Who knows why you suddenly decided to ask Haechan out for a simple “talk” after months of not talking to him. Maybe it’s because you missed him, maybe it’s because you wished things would magically go back to normal. Unfortunately, this is real life we’re talking about, it’s not a TV show where everything is automatically okay after the main character experiences a life lesson and suddenly solves their problems with no trouble whatsoever - well that can happen in real-life but in this case it won’t work that way - so you’re basically on your own for this one cause you’re certain Haechan won’t be doing anything about this situation any time soon due to knowing him for years now.

Now to go into detail with what’s going on with your life right now, you and Haechan have been going through some rough patches at the moment - well that’s your opinion, you’re not sure on how he’s feeling… yet - and it’s been bothering you. These past few months have been weird. You’ve felt like Haechan was slowly drifting away from you. Things haven’t been the same like how it was when you were in high school. Things have started to change after you and Haechan graduated and moved onto college, the two of you didn’t attend the same college because you had different goals set for your future. Haechan wanted to be in the music field so he chose to enroll in a well-known music school in hopes that it would help lead him into being the musician he’s always wanted to be. You, on the other hand, had plans to become a journalist so you chose a college that offered the best classes for that career path and you have absolutely no regrets.

Of course, the two of you respected each other’s decisions so you thought of ways to make your friendship work despite being in different schools and not being able to see each other often. Everything worked well in the beginning, the two of you would make time at night to catch up with each other and occasionally would make plans to meet up but as the time went on and you slowly got used to the college environment, the less time you had to talk to each other. It went from a couple of missed calls and being left on read to barely even talking to each other. It’s not like it was on purpose or anything, you really tried your best to make time for your best friend but your schedule didn’t allow you to and you help but think that he was ignoring you in some type of way. Either way, you felt like you were losing your best friend...and you couldn’t stand the thought of your life without him. He’s everything to you...

So, deciding to be the bigger person, you texted him and invited him out for a late cup of coffee at the cafe you and he used to go to after school during your high school days. You sat in the back corner, a spot you would always sit at whenever you visited. You looked down at the table and smiled, there was a small engraving that said “Haechan and Y/N was here” from the night of prom. You and Haechan decided to ditch prom early and head to the cafe to drown yourselves in hot chocolate, not to mention that you guys were slightly tipsy so you weren’t really yourselves. With all that aside, Haechan thought it would be a good idea to carve the words “Haechan and Y/N was here” with his keys to, in his words, “claim the spot”. You smiled at the memory and suddenly the bell at the entrance chimed, signaling someone has entered the cafe. There stood at the entrance was Haechan, he looked different from the last time you saw each other in person. His hair was slightly longer and it looked lighter than last time which means he probably dyed it. He looked a lot more mature, he looked good. He looked around for any sign of you until his eyes landed on the spot you used to sit at, you gave him a small wave to signal him over. He gave you a small smile before making his way over to you.

“Hey,” you greeted as he slowly sat down, “It’s been awhile”

“Yeah,” he gave you an awkward smile before continuing, “Sorry about that”

“It’s okay,” there was an uncomfortable silence, something you definitely weren’t used to. For some reason, you couldn’t meet his gaze, everything just felt off and you hated it. You took a quick glance at Haechan and found him looking everywhere else but you. You couldn’t help but think that he didn’t want to be there, the mood he was giving off gave it away. You couldn’t handle the silence anymore so you broke it by saying, “How have you been? How’s college treating you?”

“I’ve been alright, college is great actually, the classes are amazing and I met some really cool people, I’d say I made some pretty good friends” he said smiling to himself.

“Oh yeah? That’s good to hear Hyuck” after saying the nickname you used to call him, you noticed that he slightly tensed up. Your heart dropped at that sight and your previously smiling expression fell, “Is everything okay?”

He hesitated before answering, “Uh yeah, I just remembered that I have to leave soon to go study for an upcoming exam”

“You just got here though, can’t you just wait a little? I feel like we should catch up” you said, avoiding his gaze. The more you looked at him, the more pain you started to feel. As much as you wanted to walk out of that cafe, you needed to know what was going on.

“There’s not really much to catch up on Y/N, it’s just college and we both have a life of our own now” he sighed.

“I know but-”

“Why did you even invite me out here Y/N? Why now? Where were you this whole time?”

You were taken aback by his sudden outburst, “I think you know why I asked you out here Haechan,” you stayed quiet to see if he answered, “I know I’m not the only one that has noticed how things have changed so I’m sorry for trying to fix this” you felt tears starting to form, you tried your best to not let Haechan see how much this is affecting you but with your voice breaking every word you say, you’re sure he noticed, “What’s going on Hyuck? Why is this happening?”

After moments of silence, Haechan finally decided to speak up, “We’re growing apart Y/N and there’s not much we can do about it”

“We can do something about it!” you said, raising your voice causing people around you to glance at you but at this moment you couldn’t care less, “There’s so much we can do to fix this, you’re just not trying hard enough, in fact I don’t even think you even want to try”

“You think I don’t want to try? You don’t think I miss you?” he stood up from his seat all of the sudden, startling you, “You don’t know how much I cherish our friendship Y/N, you’re not the only one who wants to save our friendship but how can we when we’re at different colleges with different plans for the future? We each have a life of our own and we can’t always make time for each other”

“But what about our promise,” you whispered, afraid that if you spoke any louder your voice would betray you, “You want to throw all that away?”

“I guess we’ll have to forget about that promise and move on,” he pushed in his chair, “I’m sorry Y/N but I should go” he gave you one last smile, a genuine one, before walking out of the cafe.

Your breathing grew shallower and more tears formed, blurring your vision. A waiter walked over to you, “Is everything okay? Is there anything I can do to help?” they asked, concerned. You shook your head and quickly ran out the door, chasing after Haechan.

Once you exited the cafe, you looked in every direction in hopes you would find Haechan but sadly, he was nowhere to be found. You called out his name but he wasn’t there. At this point, you had tears streaming down your face. Your sobs were the only sounds you could hear around you. You can’t lose him, not like this. You tried calling him but he wouldn’t pick up. You stood there completely still for a few moments, trying to process everything that has happened. Maybe Haechan was right, there’s nothing you can do to fix your friendship, it was probably meant to be for you guys to not have a lifelong friendship. With no longer any hope, you decided to give up and make your way back home with your heart aching.

Little did you know, Haechan never left. He was hiding at the corner of the cafe, hiding in the darkness, watching and listening to your cries and you eventually walking away with tears streamed down his face. ‘It’s for the best’ he thought.

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kekoma · 3 years

Text

— semi as your boyfriend.

can’t imagine not crushing on this man. hope you enjoy.

many many thoughts with this man.

so many that it hurts in good way.

first of all, semi MOST LIKELY named one of his guitars after you.

and i’m not talking about some ordinary guitar that he may occasionally play or anything— nah, i’m talking about the most expensive one that’s gorgeous.

takes the utter most care of that guitar since he plays it often and no one is allowed to touch it.

def learns the songs you like and covers them because this man has bomb ass vocals. i said what i said and won’t take it back.

or he just plays the melody, asking that you sing instead (if you’re up to it)

when semi isn’t covering/playing songs for you then he’s writing them about you.

you’re his sole inspiration for most of the songs he ends up creating and you’re also the first one to hear it before anyone else too.

also something to point out— he creates most of those songs during the night when you’re around.

semi knows most late nights can pull out the strangest topics but it can also open you and him up at the same time when it comes to emotions.

so he’ll be staring at you from his computer chair with his guitar resting on his lap, listening precisely to every word that slip pass your lips as you laid on his bed; rambling about your emotions and how you’re thankful that the universe has put you two in the same timeline.

suddenly he starts strumming a soft tune that makes you feel like you’re floating and turning those words you said not too long ago into something lyrical, something that you two will understand but those that hear it would need to decipher (because there’s no way he’s making it easy for outsiders to understand)

AND if you know a few things about music, can sing well from taking lessons/taking a chorus class in school and/or play an instrument then semi is going AWOOGA 😍

def can see him wanting to collab with you or asking if you could be his hidden vocals/use your voice in general (meaning he would ask you to record a fake voicemail or say his name a certain way so he can put it in the song)

although if you aren’t comfortable with that concept then he understands and won’t push you to do anything.

whew let me move on because i could literally go on and on about this man being musically talented.

anyways, semi def creates a bunch of playlist for you.

each one having a description for why it was made and the feeling he wants to give off with it.

something i feel like he may also do is send over songs he currently listens to and says you should listen to it too so you both feel more connected.

BUT really stepping aside from music.

he’s extremely caring and respectful towards you.

truly studies you, making mental notes about everything and makes sure he avoids cause any discomfort.

when it comes to caring— semi semi here might go out his way to show you through his actions if he feels his words and physical touches may not be enough.

i’ll say he’s a bit clingy— dude loves being around you no matter what.

for sure invites you to his volleyball practices and games.

you’re his lucky charm and he enjoys the thought of knowing you’re supportive of him when it comes to volleyball.

also he’s supportive of anything you do as well, even shows up to your events too (but if it clashes with a volleyball then he won’t be able to go obviously but he makes it up by ordering food in and asking you to tell him all the details about what happened)

now i briefly brought pda earlier and its about that time to talk about it... does eita like it?

yeah he does but it’s not very common in public.

the best you’ll get from him is holding hands, small pecks on the lips/cheeks and ONCE in a blue moon will he wrap his arms around you from behind.

there’s no real reason for why he’s like that but hopefully you’re understanding.

now in private; he does a bit more pda. kisses become a bit more frequent, won’t pass up the chance to hold you in his arms through cuddling or whatever.

side fact: semi definitely likes when you’re in between his legs, your back pressed against his chest and the guitar would be settled on your legs— basically teaching you how to play (if you ever asked him to)

“where do i place my fingers next?”

“right here... you’ll bring your pinky up a bit but keep these two fingers on the the second fret.” he’ll carefully move one of your fingers just to put them in the correct place.

“then you’ll strum. i’ll let you try it without my help this time.”

literally would smile when you do it, finding himself falling deeper in love with you than before.

semi adores that you’re willing to learn something he’s very passionate about it and appreciates you for even taking the time for it when you could do other things.

vvv soft and we stan that here.

moving on— lets talk about nicknames really quick.

drumroll please 🥁🥁🥁

top nicknames: my melody/melody, love, angel and occasionally he’ll toss in lotus along with bambi.

had to keep it cute and interesting <3 semi isn’t going for the basics.

something to mention, we’ve all seen the way he dresses in casual clothes... now you can either a) hype him up about his clothes to the point he’s no longer concerned about how tendou says he looks uncool or b) help the boy out with his style just a bit. all up to you cutie.

heh now let me discuss dates right because whew~ dates with this cutie? hits deliciously.

of course most of the dates are music related so tickets to a concert is on there, going to certain places (such as a park with others and a little picnic set up) to see free performances from new/upcoming artists and etc.

“that last set was actually good, don’t you think so melody?”

“yeah~ i liked the emotions the singer had in her voice. it really connected with me but what do you think?”

“same thing as you. however, did you notice how they had a shift in the cords that created the perfect harmonic? and it wasn’t completely soft too.”

“now that i think about it, my ears didn’t catch on the first time but yeah. oh look! the next act is going up~!”

but when he isn’t dragging you out for that then he mainly takes you out for a drive/walk around the city, cafes, those karaoke places that also serves food, shopping and stay-at-home dates which he tries his best to make them fun (there’s probably more but im just naming a few here)

dates are normally chilled with him and always fun so we loving it.

bonus: semi FOR SURE has you as his lockscreen. no doubt about it.

he loves waking up to your picture in the morning or even checking the time because he gets to see how adorable his love is.

also on his sns (instagram mainly)— he has a highlight called ‘me and my melody 🎶🤍’ which is filled with a bunch of pictures of you two together.

the pictures are so cute that they end up on Pinterest and everyone starts spamming your dms with “so 👀 does your boyfriend have any siblings?”, “can you drop a tutorial on how to get a fine boyfriend like yours?”, “ayo 😳 think i can have him on the weekends and you get him for the weekdays?” and much more crazier things we won’t mention here.

another bonus: probably sings you to sleep if you’re having trouble sleeping. don’t try fighting me on this because i won’t allow it.

ANYWAYS, to conclude this before i have complete semi brainrot— dating this man is a 10/10 and it’s worth it.

we love semi eita over here <333

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clarste · 3 years

Note

Since it's been a few weeks, what's your opinion on Chapter 8 of Arknights? Reading about your opinion on other pieces of Arknights has been very nice so far.

I find this enemy description inordinately amusing so I will start with this before going to spoilers below the break.

1) First of all I am a sucker for flashbacks following the villain, so the basic structure of Chapter 8 was right up my alley. Even if Talulah's arc was more or less predictable—who among us did not expect Alina to die? I think some people might feel that it was a little too long, but honestly I think it said everything it needed to say and frankly there is nothing more important the chapter could have said. If anything, the parts that weren't about Talulah would be first on my chopping list if I were editing this story down. In particular, the whole bit with Kal'tsit and the sarcophagus and all that had almost nothing to do with the themes of this chapter or the Reunion arc, so they seemed especially superfluous. Even if that story might have been interesting told on its own.

2) Talulah. The main character of this chapter, obviously. I think there are two different angles to approach her from that seem almost mutually exclusive, which are that A) she is a tragic figure who started with noble ideals but was pushed to her limits until she became a ruthless shell of her former self and B) she is literally possessed by Kaschey, ie: the Deathless Black Snake, who is the immortal spirit of Imperialism manipulating the country of Ursus into a constant state of war. From what I've seen of people’s reactions, I think most people focus more on angle B, which makes sense because that is literally true in the story, but what I took from it is that it's a lot more ambiguous than that.

What I mean is that the story is constantly emphasizing that the Deathless Black Snake can only take action as long as Talulah agrees with it. It's more insidious than just an external ghost taking control of her (and thereby freeing her of responsibility for her actions), it's a philosophy that was planted in her by her mentor, a way of thinking, an idea. A living meme. So when I say that it's the immortal spirit of imperialism, I don't mean that as a joke, it is the embodiment of imperialism itself, of imperialist ideals and goals, manifested in this particular person the moment she starts seeing her enemies as obstacles to be eliminated instead of people with their own motivations. I certainly don't think that the trigger for the transformation was set arbitrarily, that's just Who She Needed To Be in order to buy into the ideas that Kaschey and the Snake had taught her from a young age. It’s also an ancient god taking physical control over her, but hey, it's fantasy.

Ultimately, we didn't defeat the Deathless Black Snake in battle, we just gave Talulah second thoughts. And she will live with what she's done for the rest of her life.

3) Amiya. In this chapter, more than anywhere else, it's clear that Amiya is the main character of Arknights. Sure, we have whatever Kal'tsit is plotting, and whatever the hell the Doctor is, but that doesn't actually matter. In fact, they spent this entire chapter walking around in the basement and never once interacting with Talulah. The Doctor shows up at the end with no idea what's going on or what happened, which is quite comical when you think about it.

By contrast, Amiya sees the big picture. Of the three people on top of the tower during the climax, only Amiya knows what both Talulah and Chen have been through, or indeed what she’s been though. What brought them all to that point. She is watching all these flashbacks right alongside us through her empathy powers. Which, as I've mentioned before, is really the best superpower in this setting: the power to see the world through someone else's eyes, and to feel the pain that drives them. And we, the players, feel what she feels. In a certain sense, she's even more of a player avatar here than even the Doctor, which I mean in the best possible way.

And of course her empathy gives her cool shounen superpowers that are suspiciously similar to Emiya Shirou, but I will allow it.

4) Chen. Chen is honestly kind of the weak link here, imo. While of course we've been following her character arc since chapter 3 and I don't mind where they've taken her, it ironically kind of felt to me like she had no personal stakes in the final battle. Which is odd since the story seemed to be hammering that it's all personal for her, what with Talulah being her long-lost sister and all that. The problem (imo) is that her close relationship with Talulah is all Told-Not-Shown, and also that Talulah is being possessed by the Deathless Black Snake, so it kind of feels like she's being left out of the loop, both in terms of knowing the facts and also emotionally.

I'm not saying she doesn't get any good lines, or that her banter with Amiya isn't cool or funny, I'm just saying that what should have been a big emotional moment at the climax of the story just sort of fell flat for me, and I was left wondering "wait, why is Chen here again?"

That said, I did enjoy her bit afterward where she's like "you need to stand fair trial for your crimes, Talulah, but in this world that discriminates against the Infected, there’s nowhere worthy of giving you one." I feel that sums up the game's stance on these things quite succinctly.

5) Rosmontis. Rosmontis had sort of an interesting arc here because it separated her from Amiya and I almost want to say that was a good thing? While I thought her relationship to Amiya was one of the most interesting things about her in the previous chapter, it almost feels like it was preventing her from forming bonds with other people and becoming a more well-rounded person? I guess what I want to say that is that Rosmontis was being coddled, sheltered, treated as a child. While some would call her a monster, Amiya was always around to say "no no no, don't listen to them, you're cute!" And while that was certainly nice of Amiya, it feels like what truly made her accept herself was almost the opposite: being accepted as a monster (or rather, a person with monstrous powers) by people used to fighting alongside monsters. Being told that she's allowed to hate the people who hurt her, and to be ruthless to her enemies. That her own emotions, both good or bad, are valid. For the first time, she felt human.

What you'll note, of course, is that these aren't exactly heroic virtues, and in fact they're kind of similar to what Amiya rejects and what got Talulah into so much trouble? Honestly I don't know if I would say Rosmontis is a good person right now, but what she is doing is thinking on her own for the first time, and deciding what's right and wrong for herself. It sounds almost malicious to put it this way, but it's like Amiya and Rhodes Island were trying to mold her into someone she's not. In some ways the opposite of what Kaschey did to Talulah.

I don't think her story is over yet, of course, but I found it an interesting direction to take. Rosmontis is on the path to find her own justice, which may or may not align with Rhodes Island's.

Also, kitty:

6) W. Back when I was doing a write-up for chapter 7, I said that maybe she would have been better off being recruitable in chapter 8 instead of 7, because it seemed a little early in her arc for that. I was wrong. She wouldn't fit in for chapter 8 either. Honestly she probably shouldn't be recruitable at all right now, not that I'm complaining as someone who uses her. Just, you know, narratively she is not at a place where she would consider joining RI, and in fact she ends the chapter pretty much going "later losers, I hope we never meet again." Which implies that the W in my squad right now is like a totally different person who is either from an alternate dimension or the future, after a lot of character development. That's not like the worst thing ever, it just seems a little weird to have her right now. W's story isn't about Reunion and never was. It's about Theresa and Babel, which as of now we are still only getting little hints of. I'd be glad to see that story when it happens, but until then W's just kind of there.

7) Themes. For some reason, this one line in this chapter really hit me. While it's not literally true, especially if you count all the former child slaves or feral children and whatnot, it does feel broadly true that most of the characters come from middle-class backgrounds. Like, your Krooses and Orchids of the world. Kal'tsit goes on to explain that this is because RI can only really recruit in cities, and that rural Infected tend to get thrown into the wilderness on their own and have no idea that RI exists.

Interestingly, this idea also sort of comes up in Talalah's side, when it's revealed that Talulah is the daughter of a duke, making her followers hesitate for a moment. While I don't recall it being explicitly spelled out, the implication was obviously that she's not "one of them" and this might be a cause for distrust. But what are "they' exactly? Clearly she is in fact Infected, she made sure of that herself. But she wasn't abandoned in the same way her followers were. She had a choice, and chose to side with the Infected. Which is honorable of her and all, but it also indicates a fundamental disconnect between them because they never had a choice. She could've used her influence to hide her oripathy and be treated like a normal person (as we saw happened with both Chen and Patriot), or used her wealth to get sent to a fancy private hospital like Rhodes Island, with the latest medical technology and treatments.

So while the story focuses on the discrimination of the Infected, it's clear here that that's not really the only thing going on. Being Infected means little to those in power, while for those without power it's just an an excuse to intrude on their lives and make sure they aren't "harboring any Infected" or whatever. Basically the story starts discussing intersectionality, which I found interesting.

8) This is a good line:

#not touhou #arknights #chapter 8 #roaring flare #if we don't pick a name for ourselves we will only ever be called the names others give us

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vinceaddams · 4 years

Note

obvs feel free to keep this private, but I got recommended the UFH channel by a friend of mine, haven't gotten around to watching anything from it. I trust your judgement on the content, but my friend considers it her main resource 🙃 of course, since you only watched a few videos you might not be able to answer this, but was there any specific really bad/unacademic approaches I should keep my eye out for that my friend might have adopted? we work on a historical festival together so im concern

(I was going to answer this privately but then it got really long and turned into a post I want to post.)

Oh dear! Well, It appears that the lady behind that channel only cares about the 20th century, so maaybe she’s got good stuff on the 20th century at least? I don’t know, but the 2 videos that I saw were so incredibly awful that I’m highly suspicious of all her stuff.

The first bad thing about her channel is that her videos all have a one or two sentence caption and nothing else. (I clicked on a few more just to check) No sources listed, no links of any kind except to her merch store. I don’t recall her mentioning any particular sources for any of the things she said in the videos either, she just declared them very matter of factly.

Good historians cite sources! Bernadette Banners’ video on the history of PPE has so many source links she ran out of room in the description box and had to put the rest of them on a page on her website. (Oh poo, now I feel a bit bad because I love Karolina Zebrowska but she really needs to do better with leaving source links. But she does talk about doing research, talk in a more nuanced way, and doesn’t present herself as an expert or academic, unlike the UFH lady.)

Good historians also embrace nuance, and aren’t afraid to say “I don’t know” or “I was wrong”. Presenting things in a “this person did this one big thing, and then this happened, and that caused this” kind of way isn’t good because history is more like “all these things happened and as far as we can tell it appears to have influenced this, which was also connected to this other stuff that we don’t know all that much about”. History is foggy and complicated, no matter how much the general public wants it to be simple.

Her description of herself also seems a bit... misleading? In her about page on youtube it says “Amanda Hallay, a college professor specializing in fashion, costume, and cultural history.” but if you look at the CV linked on her website the only degrees she has are in creative writing and art history. I’m not saying a person can’t be really knowledgable about something without a degree, but her whole online presence is about being a “professor” who teaches this stuff so I find it weird.

And if the 1850′s-60s video is anything to go by, she presents things in a shockingly unprofessional way. She starts off by saying she thinks these fashions are ugly and ridiculous and that she has some “theories of her own” on them. @marzipanandminutiae has a post with a lot more about what was wrong with that video, and a few others I haven’t seen. She claims that hoop skirts were oppressive cages when in reality they were a liberating garment that allowed women to achieve full skirts without the heavy layered petticoats they wore previously.

She posts a photo of a naked lady and says “Now lets start with a beautiful naked lady and cover her up with ugly and unflattering clothes. Now this sexy naked lady isn’t so sexy” I wish I was making this up but that’s almost word for word what she said. Along with a whole lot of untrue or exaggerated stuff about Victorian modesty. She says dresses with layered flounces were called “pagoda dresses”, which isn’t a term that anyone has ever used for those dresses. She says this is cut down from a longer video she uses for teaching class, and I find the thought of this being presented in a classroom quite appalling.

After spending about 95% of the video talking about womens fashion in an extremely condescending and disdainful tone of voice, she posts what appear to be the 5 biggest and most extreme examples of 19th century moustaches she could find, presenting them as if they were what every man looked like.

This part really grinds my gears, because she says “I haven’t said anything about menswear because there’s really not much to say.” She posts photos of suits from 5 different decades and says they’re basically all the same, and also basically the same as a modern suit. Excuse you, there is A LOT of difference between menswear of the 1850′s and the 1890′s. Yes the changes over the decades are more subtle, and the colours are often more subdued than in centuries past, but it is absolutely not (as she claims) “the century when men stopped doing fashion”. I personally am not hugely interested in 19th century mens fashion, and can tentatively date things in the first few decades but after the middle of the century I can’t. But people who are interested and who study that era can tell the decades apart. Because they’re different. And there is SO MUCH to talk about! Suits for different levels of formality, accessories, waistcoats, sportswear, sleepwear, knitwear, swimsuits, loungewear, underwear, etc. are all extremely different from their modern equivalents.

It’s perfectly fine to only study womens fashion if that’s what you’re interested in, but it is not okay to then declare that the history of mens fashion is worthless and nonexistent. Simply not being interested in a thing is no excuse for publicly shitting all over it. (I’ve seen people do this more than once. We already have so few men who do historical fashion stuff! Stop putting off newcomers who might be interested!!)

The fact that her online presence is so closed off is also highly unusual. Comments are turned off for her videos, and the only social media link she has is to a private facebook group. (There is also a link to a fb page, but it appears to have been deleted.) Turning off comments is of course the personal choice of the one posting the videos, but the fashion history side of youtube usually tends towards pretty decent comment threads, and people often have nice little discussions and learn stuff in them. Here it looks like she doesn’t want discussion, doesn’t want to be contradicted or asked for sources, doesn’t want to learn new things.

I had never even heard of this channel until I saw @marzipanandminutiae mention it, nor have I ever heard any of the many historical costumers/youtubers I follow mention it, yet somehow it has 55k followers? I don’t know the demographics that watch it (especially not with the comments turned off!) but I’d wager that videos like the 1850′s-60′s one I suffered through are mainly watched by people who like hearing things trash talked, rather than people who actually want to learn about fashion history. The same sort of people who loved that Beau Brummell twitter thread, which was also full of lies and unsourced garbage. People like to believe the past was way worse and grosser than it was because it makes them feel like we’re smarter and better now.

Lastly, the whole premise of the channel is just bad. Calling any one thing “The Ultimate Fashion History” is a bad idea. Her channel trailer says “Youtube’s number one channel for original fashion history content” “we’ve got it all, fifty thousand years of fashion history”. You can’t have one channel that’s the ultimate resource for ALL of fashion history! It’s a huge, HUGE subject, and even if she did do actual good research she’d barely be able to scratch the surface of fifty thousand years. That’s like saying one channel is the ultimate source for all of science, or all of music, or all of cooking. No one thing can come close to covering all of it. I will deign to admit that she’s at least right to call it “original”, because she has some very original lies I haven’t found anywhere else.

Most people who study fashion history/historical sewing have one or several eras they like best and find most interesting, perhaps with occasional jaunts into other eras. This way we can focus and get a much better understanding of the eras that we find most interesting, rather than just a vague notion of everything.

For example: I’m most interested in 18th century menswear, and so far have mainly researched and sewn 1785-95 stuff, and more recently some 1730′s. I usually focus on fashionable civilian clothing, so I don’t know as much about working class clothes, and next to nothing about military and other occupational dress. Even with this narrow area of interest, which I’ve been obsessed with for many years, I still have so much to learn! I could never make anything claiming to be the ultimate source for 18th century menswear, because I’m just one person focusing on some aspects, and there are other people out there who research other aspects of it and their work is just as important. It’s all so big and so much, even if you narrow it down to one era.

Amanda Hallay is basically holding up a bucket of saltwater and calling it the ocean.

I haven’t watched any of her 20th century videos, so maybe they’re better than the older ones I watched. I don’t know. (But even if they’re actually good they still don’t have source links.) Edit: okay, nope, turns out they’re just as bad! They appear to make up the vast majority of her videos, so if she’s most interested in the 20th century then maybe she should just... make her channel more clearly 20th century focused instead of trying to paint it as a channel for all eras?

TL;DR, the main bad things about that channel are:

Lying and making ridiculous claims, not citing ANY sources. Spouting easily debunked myths.

Stating things matter of factly without any nuance, even though history is foggy and complicated.

Being extremely judgemental about historical fashions and talking about how much she hates them and thinks they’re ugly, which really isn’t appropriate for a fashion history teacher. You can hear the disgust in her voice and it’s awful and I hate it.

Comments turned off on all her videos, leaving no way to communicate or have public discussions. Unknowing viewers are left to accept her statements as fact without any outside opinions.

Claiming one channel is the ultimate channel for an incalculably enormous subject. Says it covers 50,000 years of fashion history when it’s mostly just the 20th century.

I would like to add that I am not what I would consider an expert either, and have no formal education in fashion history beyond the one college class that was part of my 2 year sewing course. I have learned mainly from books and the internet, and as I said earlier I still have a huge amount to learn. I’m sure a more knowledgable historian could put things better than I have.

But I’m confident in stating that primary sources are needed to back up a claim! Sometimes even widely accepted beliefs turn out to be entirely unfounded myths, like that one about doctors using vibrators to treat “hysteria”. Total nonsense someone made up in 1999.

Wow this post got way longer than intended. Anyways, yes, I do not like condescending slideshow lady.

#dongiovannitriumphant #ask #irksome things #fashion #history #long post

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katsukisblackteddy · 3 years

Text

Confessing to the Bros

Description: so basically, Sero is crushing on you and during a hangout session (boys only) they play truth or dare that turns into basically Sero confessing his crush and the others hyping him up. Warnings: swearing (bc why not), maybe some aww moments, mentions of substances (a joint) Also this uses gender neutral pronouns bc...inclusivity is seggsy

FLEXXX TAPEEEEE...anyways ON WITH IT!

(stick around to see a cute gif at the end)

YOU WERE WALKING into the dorms with your two girl best friends, Mina on your right and Jiro on your left. “Oh come on (Y/N) you’re literally one of the smartest ones in class, how have you not seen it?” Jiro pointed out, Mina nodding along with her.

“What are you guys talking about? I...I don’t have a crush on anyone and no one has a crush on me. Are you kidding?” You laughed, though you mostly sounded bitter. “Why would anyone crush on me when Momo is literally sitting a few seats away.”

“You’re joking right? You’re literally hot as fuck.” Mina replied quickly, scoffing at your self-deprecation.

“Who has a crush on me then?” You quirked an eyebrow at the pink haired girl who’s cheeks seemed to blush a darker shade of pink before looking at Jiro who quickly averted eye contact. “Oh come on guys, please we’re best friends we don’t keep secrets.”

“It’s literally so obviously Sero.” Mina blurted out, before covering her mouth with her hands, her eyes widening. “You didn’t hear that from me!”

“No way.” You laughed in disbelief. There was no way he liked you. He didn’t even act any differently around you. “Where are the guys anyway?” You changed the subject as you got to the common room, sitting on the couch with the girls.

“I don’t know. Kaminari was rambling about how, and I quote, ‘the bros need some time to reconnect and realign our chakras.’ Whatever that means.” Jiro rolled her eyes at the thought of the electric blonde.

“Mina did you tell him about subliminals and binaural beats again?” You asked, your eyes shifting to the pink girl who shifted uncomfortably in her seat, running a hand through her messy pink hair.

“Whatttt? Of course not...” Mina looked up at the ceiling before her eyes looked at you and Jiro. “Ok maybe...”

“Whatever, let’s go hang out in my room.” Jiro shrugged, growing bored of the common room as you all agreed to hang out in her room and listen to music.

MEANWHILE....

“Denki what the hell is this? I thought you said we were gonna watch movies.” Sero crossed his arms, flopping down on one of the beanbags in Kaminari’s room.

“Of course we aren’t. That’s boring. I only said that so you would come.” Denki scoffed before a large smile grew on his face. “We’re gonna play truth or dare!”

“That’s childish as fuck.” Bakugou growled from his spot on the floor, glaring at Denki who seemed to shrink in his seat slightly.

“Hey! No it’s not! It’ll be fun!” Denki replied in a sing-song voice, taking a blunt out of one of the drawers in his dresser.

“Where’d you get that?” Kirishima wondered, glancing around at the other boys to see they had gotten significantly more interested than before.

“Don’t worry about it.” Denki’s shady response came before he lit it, opening a window and sitting back down, taking a drag and passing it to the explosive blonde.

Some time had passed, and the joint was almost gone and the boys were definitely long gone.

“Alright...Katsuki truth or dare?” Denki asked between laughs as he laid out on the floor staring at the boy across from him. Bakugou raised an eyebrow at the use of his first name but only rolled his eyes in response.

“Dare...I’m not a fucking extra.” Came his response, causing the others to laugh.

“Mmm...” Denki, paused thinking for a moment before his eyes seemed to light up, a sure sign that whatever he was about to say was either dangerous, stupid, or a mix of both. “Strip to your underwear!”

“Your gay is showing Denki.” Kirishima giggled, nudging the blonde who laughed as well.

“Yeah well, he did it didn’t he?” Denki gestured slowly towards the spiky blonde who now sat on the rug in only a pair of black boxers.

“Flex Tape...truth or dare?” Bakugou’s gruff voice said, pulling Sero’s attention from where he sat zoning out and in his own thoughts.

“Um...truth.”

“Pussy.” Bakugou snickered as Sero’s eyes widened and he stuck up his hands.

“No! I picked dare last time!” Sero protested.

“Tch. Whatever.” Bakugou shrugged. “Who’s your crush?”

“Wha-W-What?” Sero’s cheeks reddened significantly as the other boys giggled and nudged him. “I don’t have a crush..” The black haired boy answered, his voice going higher than usual.

“You’re lying.” Bakugou pointed out.

“I’m not saying.”

“You have to. You chose truth.” Kirishima pointed out as Sero rolled his dark eyes with a sigh, falling back to look up at the ceiling. He covered his flushed face with his hands.

“It’s (Y/N).” Sero mumbled, his words being blocked by his hands.

“Sorry, what was that?” Bakugou teased, his eyebrows raising in surprise that Sero had actually said something.

“It’s (Y/N).” Sero huffed, sitting back up before looking around. “Happy now? It’d never work anyway...they don’t like me like that.”

“It’s (Y/N)?!” Denki and Kirishima screeched, their smiles growing and eyes sparkling.

“I knew it!” Kirishima announced as Sero looked at the redhead dumbfounded.

“How?”

“Come on man, it’s not hard to notice. Every time you say something funny that makes everyone laugh, you always look at them to see if they’re laughing and then you smile more because you made them laugh.” Kirishima explains, making Sero’s face flush a deeper red.

“Plus you literally stare and drool over them.” Kaminari pointed out.

“No I don’t!” Sero grew defensive.

“Yeah you do...but I don’t really see it. (Y/N) is average at best.” Bakugou remarked causing Sero to blink rapidly.

“How can you say that?! (Y/N) is the most amazing person ever! They’re kind, super smart, they literally always help everyone around them no matter wh-” Sero paused his rant, flushing again when his eyes met Bakugou’s.

Bakugou sent him a knowing look as the other boys snickered.

“And I can’t believe I fell for that.” Sero mumbled, crossing his arms in embarrassment.

“First of all, you all owe me five bucks...second of all, now we just have to set them up! (Y/N) likes you, you know?” Denki said, holding out his hands as Kirishima and Bakugou begrudgingly dug through their wallets, fishing out the money and throwing it at the boy.

“(Y/N) likes me?” Sero asked in awe, completely ignoring the fact that Denki and the boys bet on him and you.

“I have my sources.” Denki replied trying to sound mysterious.

“Well, who said so?”

“Well Mina...” Kirishima began to explain.

So you stuck around...here’s your reward :)

SMILEY SERO!!!!

#katsukisblackteddy #cute #crush #fluff #bnha x black!reader #serohanta #sero x y/n #reader insert #bakusquad #bnha x poc!reader #bnha #bnha x reader

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jtsfavslut · 3 years

Text

Fine Line Track 01: GOLDEN [G.D]

Description: Grayson and Y/N are in their honeymoon phase, light and meaningless arguments, everything is great. What happens when Grayson wants more? What happens when Grayson realizes she doesn’t trust him as she claims to do?

Warnings: Mentions of sexual assault and domestic abuse, other than that it’s all sweet and sad angst/fluff :)

Word Count: 3.9K+ {shorter than I said, I’m sorry :( }

‘I know that you’re scared because I’m so open’ Golden - Harry Styles

It was the mornings after and during coffee. Y/N and Grayson would sit down and talk about anything that came to mind. Their brains fueling off of the caffeine, as the morning sun hit their soft skin just right. It had become a habit. Every morning at 6, they would wake up, do their business in the bathroom, and prepare their coffees. No words were spoken until they reached the chairs on the porch. A tired yet content and satisfied smile on both of their faces, a small yawn falls past Y/N’s lips as she mutters a quiet ‘morning’, her eyes slowly opening, feeling more awake with every second and sip that passes.

They would talk about the most random things, question the most random things, like why would someone name something that? Or why doesn’t glue stick to the container? “Do you believe in soul mates?” Grayson questioned, making Y/N shrug, not having a clue as to what the correct answer would be.

“I don’t know, I never thought about that,” she squinted her eyes looking into the distant clouds, as if the answer would be found there, “Maybe. Who knows, I mean if you believe in past lives then yeah,”

“Do you?”

“Do I what?” She faced him, her lips curving into a small smile at the sight of morning Grayson. Hair facing all sorts of directions, small dark bags under his eyes from waking up too early, a slight stubble on his face which he complained about it growing too fast for his liking.

“Believe in past lives?” He clarified his question, wanting to know if his girlfriend believed in having a life prior to the one she was currently living.

“I do and I don’t, you know? Like there’s a time where I feel like I did have a past life while other times I just don’t” she shrugged, drinking the last bit of her coffee, placing the cup on the floor before snuggling her body into one of Grayson’s hoodies.

“Yeah, I know what you mean, I feel the same way,” Grayson replied before getting up grabbing her cup on the way back.

“You believe in soulmates?” She asked his question and he nodded his head.

“Yeah, I do,” he truly believed in soulmates. He believed she was his soulmate. Always feeling a strange connection when he was near her.

It was the silly arguments. Arguments over each other's domestic customs. Things that they did opposite of each other when they lived across town. They didn’t hurt each other's feelings or put much effort into defending their case. Just wanted to get their point across, and hope for the other person to remember it annoyed them.

“Grayson Bailey! I refuse to believe it’s so hard to put the toilet seat down,” Y/N shouted, sighing at the sight of their toilet, the bathroom door was wide open the first thing in sight being the toilet seat up. It wasn’t a big deal, it just simply triggered something in her brain.

“I forgot,” Grayson shrugged from the couch, she rolled her eyes and walked in the bathroom, slamming the seat down before washing her hands, turning off the light, and walking out.

Grayson didn’t have many house icks, it was mostly Y/N. He remembered some of them, like how much it bothered her when drawers weren’t fully closed, or when someone would leave the washroom with wet hands leaving the doorknob all wet, or a wet counter top. He memorized them, her voice ringing inside of his head every time he did one of those things.

She knew Grayson’s though, even if he denied them. She noticed the annoyance in his face every time someone touched something of his, every time someone moved something that belonged to him. She found out simply because she had moved something of his, he thought it was Ethan, so he let all loose. He yelled, shouted, and insulted Ethan, while Ethan just stared at him with a confused and bizarre look.

“What are you talking about?” Ethan glared at an upset Grayson, having no idea why his 21 year old brother was throwing a tantrum for.

“Because you touched my shit, moving my laptop, where is it?” Grayson replied, and Y/N eyes widened.

"Grayson, I haven't even seen your laptop," Ethan groaned, being fed up with Grayson in less than a minute.

“Umm, Gray. I moved your laptop, I put it on the charger,” She whispered, a slight blush on her face.

“Oh,” Grayson’s jaw dropped, as Ethan hysterically laughed at his expression, “Next to the bed?”

Grayson apologized to his brother after lashing out on him for something he clearly did not do, as for Y/N, she never moved anything of Grayson’s without telling him.

Grayson and Y/N worked as a pair, Grayson having an extremely short temper while Y/N was patient and thought situations out. While Grayson let his anger get the best of him, Y/N was there to calm him down, her calm energy transferring on to him when he needed it most.

Like when someone would mess up on his order, she would quickly calm him down, decided it would be better if she told the waiter herself. Or when someone would do something that was clearly wrong in the street. Grayson’s road rage was funny but would get him in trouble, so she drove most of the time, having all the patient she needed to live an unbothered life.

But there was a slight problem between the two.

They both noticed it, yet purposely ignored it. After all, why fix something that isn’t broken?

Y/N was your basic woman, with a few different things here and there. She was just normal, nothing out of the ordinary, is what she liked to call herself. She had a normal 9 to 5 job at the hospital, did yoga in the afternoon, went on morning runs when possible, she was an independent woman.

Grayson had the basic 9 to 5 at the same hospital Y/N worked at, only they were at completly different areas, Y/N’s being the pediatrics while Grayson was with the adults. While Y/N was doing her daily yoga, he did his daily work out in their basement.

Y/N kept to herself, and closed others out, something that can be blamed on past trauma. She had trust issues, which was the unmentionable problem in her and Gray’s relationship. Sure, she told him stuff here and there, but did she confide in Grayson the way Grayson confided in her? No, she did not. Did that bother Grayson? More than anything in his life before.

Grayson didn’t blame her. He knew about her childhood, so he understood. He didn’t pressure her into anything, always waited until she was ready to talk. It could be months and Y/N wouldn’t have anything to say, other than their random morning conversations, or just general conversation. Which Grayson loved, he just wanted her to tell him more.

He wanted her to tell him how her day was. How certain things made her feel. What were things she was dying to know? He wanted to know her feelings. Just like he always told her how he felt. Grayson was always open about things, never hiding things from her.

And that’s what scared her. It terrified her, for past reasons. The main reason being that everyone who has ever hurt her, was open or at least pretended to be open, and used her feelings against her.

She knew Grayson was different. But her heart, mind, and self-doubt simply wouldn’t allow her. She made progress, which Grayson highly appreciated.

But he was starting to get impatient, and doubtful.

Grayson was out spoken. Always making sure his feelings were known, wether verbally or physically. His expression would always give away how he felt, or the tone of his voice. He was simply like that, an open book. Y/N was closed book. No one ever knowing how she felt unless she verbally showed them, purposely that being.

They had met at a Yoga class. Grayson kept messing up causing Y/N to giggle at how he almost fell, doing what to her, and everyone in the class was a simple pose, “It helps if you breath slowly,” she whispered and he turned to look at her, “Hold your breath in, then slowly let it go as you go back down,”

“Like this?” He whispered back and she nodded her head with a smile.

Yoga was supposed to be a one day thing for Grayson. It being a dare Ethan had given him the week before. But someone he found himself there everyday, just to see Y/N of course, just until he gathered enough courage to ask her out.

“Dude, just what if she never trusts me?” Grayson vented to his older brother. He thought Ethan would know the answer to some of his questions, he was in a long-term relationship, so he must know right?

“Give her time Gray. Remember when we met her? She was afraid to even talk,” Ethan said, putting his phone in his pocket to give his brother his full attention.

“I know E, I just-,” Grayson sighed, not knowing how to word how he was starting to lose his patience, “I don’t know what else to do Ethan. I tell her everything, I never pressure her into doing or saying anything, I trust her, why doesn’t she trust me?”

Ethan raised his brow, leaning his elbows on his lap, “Have you ever given her a reason not to trust you?”

“No, never. Like I said, I tell her everything and I barely go out without her, E, I’m losing my temper, it’s too hard” Grayson sighed.

“Just giver her time dude,” Ethan said and Grayson rolled his eyes.

“What if I’m running out of time?”

He wasn’t going to give up on them, not yet. He was simply going to-, not confront her about it, just tell her how he felt.

Three weeks after his conversation Grayson hadn’t told her how he felt. He did the exact opposite. He closed her off, kept his feelings to himself. Y/N noticed, so one morning she decided to switch their routine up just once.

“How are you feeling?” She asked him before taking a sip of her coffee, her eyes looking at his side profile over the top.

“I’m okay,” his tone was monotone. No emotion to be found within a ten mile radius.

She nodded her head, not really knowing a way or phrase to reply to his answer, so she just minded her business as he got up from his chair, maybe he was having a bad day?

She continued with her morning, there were no random thoughts or questions that day, or the following days. They just quietly sat on their porch, cups between their hands as the silence consumed their souls, many thoughts wanting to be said, and no sounds to be heard other than the ones coming from nature.

“Grayson are you okay? Did I do something? Why are you shutting me out?” Y/N asked, the bomb ticking inside her finally hitting zero. It had been four days since they'd spoken to each other over reason’s she was not aware of.

She thought he was simply not feeling himself, but with the stupid glares he was shooting at her, she knew it was more than that.

Grayson chuckled in a mocking manner, an amused expression on his face, "Shutting you out?” You’re really pulling that card?”

“Card what fucking card? You have not spoken to me in four fucking days Grayson! How do you think I feel?” She argued, her feelings getting the best of her making tears cloud her vision. Her heart was beating faster than it should’ve been, brain not knowing what thought to focus on as her fingernails dug into her palms.

“How do I think you feel?” Grayson scoffed, “Let’s see, how do you think I’ve felt these past three fucking years? You’ve been shutting me every day. I tell you everything Y/N. Fucking everything and what do you do? Go on with your fucking day leaving me wondering if I did something wrong. I’ve wondered every day for the past three years if you’re ever going to trust me. And at this point I’m tired of waiting, I’m tired of trying, I’m tired of wondering, I’m tired of being open for you to close me out Y/N,” Grayson shouted, his mouth rambling out more words than he intended. But he didn’t feel guilty, he shouldn’t have. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, and it needed to be done.

“Is that how you feel?” She whispered, shaking her head.

Grayson rolled his eyes, scoffing at how she was acting, “Is that how I fucking feel! Don’t be oblivious Y/N, it’s now how I fucking feel, it’s the truth. I tell you everything, I tell you what I did at work, I tell you how I feel about things. I’m completely honest and open with you, fully transparent. And you? You’re not; If I ask you how you feel, you say I’m fine and walk away, you don’t tell me what you did at work, you don’t tell me how you feel about certain things, how is that supposed to make me feel Y/N,” he calmed himself down, knowing it wasn’t a conversation to get mad and overreact at.

It was their first serious argument. Where their statements and sides actually mattered. Where there was no time to joke around or simply drop it. It was an argument over a problem that could no longer be overlooked, a problem that needed to be fixed for the sake of their relationship.

“Why are you being so fucking rude? If you’re tired just fucking go Grayson,” she spat, her sadness being overthrown by her anger, “When we first go together I told you, and you said you wait, you promise to fucking wait. Just leave now Grayson. Save me the fucking time of day,”

“Let me know when you’re ready to let people back in again,” Grayson glared, he grabbed his phone from the coffee table between the couches, he slammed the door on the way out, his attitude being way too hard to even care about the crying Y/N he left behind.

Tears stained cheeks, her lips red and swollen from biting them, and her nose red and puffy from sniffling and wiping it so much.

She wasn’t surprised, it wouldn’t be the first time someone walked out on her. It wasn’t the first time she saw someone give up on her. Just disappointed, she had hope for Grayson. She truly did.

She hoped he would stay. He hoped for him to tell her that it was alright, that he would tell her she could take all the time she needed. She knew it was a bit selfish of her, she just couldn’t help it. Things that are broken would never be the same again, and her heart was shattered and betrayed. With a sigh, she wiped the last few tears knowing that it was up to her to make things right.

Grayson never gave them a reason not to trust him, but neither did he. But Grayson wasn’t like the rest. Grayson loved the domestic moments and was patient with her. He showed her the true meaning of love, and when someone actually means it.

She grabbed her things from the table near the door, got in her car, and drove to the place where she knew Grayson was at.

. . .

“Hey E,” She greeted Ethan with a hug, a small smile on both of their lips.

“How you been?” He asked and she shrugged.

“Been good, got a promotion,” she smiled and he nodded his head as he thought of what to say.

“Wait- that’s so amazing congrats,” he spoke as he turned to look at his backyard, “Grayson’s by the pool,”

Her feet carried her through the house, all the way to the clear door with a view of the pool where a stressed out Grayson sat with his feet inside the pool, she let out a sigh stopping herself from completely showing her lip off, and walked towards him.

“Gray,” her soft voice whispered as she sat down in a criss-cross manner, her voice trembling as her nerves consumed her from the inside-out, “First, I wanna apologize for being inconsiderate about your feelings. It’s been very selfish of me to forget how you felt,” She recited the words that she repeated to herself in the car on the way to Ethan’s house, “I promise to start opening up to you, it’s just that I know you were way too bright for me, and open and that scared me, but I promise to try,” she sniffled and he nodded his head, pulling her closer to him.

“Y/N, I’m sorry, I was just scared. What if you never learned to trust me? I was scared, And I know that you’re scared because hearts get broken, but it was eating me alive. I know that you’re scared because I’m so open, and so was he, but I’m not him. I can never see myself purposely hurting you. I just want you to trust me, to tell me how you feel,” he murmured as she listened.

“I’ll start by telling you about him, is that okay?” She asked after taking a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself down before she crushed her walls down for Grayson.

“If you feel comfortable,” he grabbed her hand, squeezing a few times. A sign to tell her he would always be there.

“His name was Trevor. He was my everything you know? My first boyfriend, first kiss, first time, first heartbreak,” she chuckled, a sad broken chuckle, “We started dating Junior year of High School, he was the best. Always wanted to know what I wanted and needed, always getting me what I wanted and needed. He always took care of me. And for years I thought he was the one since he was perfect. Too perfect to be true. When I found out he was fucking with one of my classmates in my freshman year of college he changed. So different from High School Trevor. He became abusive. The first time he pushed me against the fridge, said I shouldn’t be questioning his personal life. And he became worse after that, when I said I wanted to break up he forced himself on me, said I was his property and only his. I stayed with him until sophomore year when I couldn’t take more of it. But he found me, and he uhh, he um raped me, that’s when I went to the police and told them everything, And then I met you, and here we are,”

Y/N felt some sort of relief after lifting that weight off her shoulders. Holding things back for more than 2 years can start to consume you both emotionally and physically. She was glad she was able to confide her biggest secret in Grayson. She knew she could trust him, and she did. Knowing it was the only way to leave her past in the past and start her future with Grayson.

Grayson listened. Didn’t show any emotion other than empathy. He could hear the pain and disgust in her voice. The betrayal radiated off of her. And for once ever since he met her, he could see hate in her eyes. He felt bad for her. And he hated Trevor without having a clue of who he even was. He despised any man who put their hands on a woman, who touched a woman when she didn’t want to. And to hear that the current love of his life went through that triggered a switch in him.

Not a negative switch, a positive one, a beneficial one. He swore to become more understanding and patient when it came to Y/N. He didn’t want to make her like he was overprotecting her, but safe. He wanted her to know she was safe, and that he would never let anyone and, or anything hurt her, ever. “Y/N, babe, I’m so sorry, I promise you that you’ll never have to go through any of that crap ever again. I promise to make you feel comfortable, and protect you from things that will do nothing but hurt you,” he whispered as a smile made its way on her face.

“You don’t have to promise anything to me, Gray. You’ve always done that for me, and I couldn't thank you enough,” she placed a kiss on his cheek.

“I know. But I still want to,”

Day by day Y/N learned to open up to people in general, not only to Grayson but to the people around her. Not to mention, she could sleep better at night.

“Do you believe in soulmates now?” Grayson asked over their usual morning cup of coffee.

They were in each other's arms, a smile on both of their faces as Y/N laid her head on his chest, the morning sun browning their skin just right.

“I do,” she smiled, her answer changing from the one she gave Grayson a few months prior, “You’re my soulmate, or at least I hope so,” she smiled, tilting her head to look up at him.

Maybe they were soulmates. Or maybe they weren’t. Who's to know? But they both believed they were made for each other. Filling up pieces that the other person was missing and so on, in a good way of course.

Tag List: @blazedgraysons @evergreendolan @simplyxdolxstyles @rhyrhy462 @resilientdolan @guiltydols @onlyyyariii @blindedbythelightt @ydolanssss @finelinedolans @fangdolan @babey-gray @prettyboydolan @deeperdolan @strawberryystyles @grantzarrr {if you wanna be added just lmk :)}

This...is so bad. I hate it…..I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because these were written while I was sleep deprived or because I said it was bad up to the point where I manifested it.

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theonewiththefanfics · 4 years

Text

Upside Down (one-shot)

Synopsis: Being a Henderson, the Reader never thought the Billy Hargrove would even spare her a glance, but she was wrong. He absolutely fell for her. And she fell for him. But the Upside Down doesn’t like it when people are happy.

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x f!Henderson!Reader

Genre: angst/ fluff

Warnings: descriptions of gross wounds and gore, swearing, could be potentially triggering to domestic abuse survivors, kinda PTSD

Word count: 7911 (a big boi)

I’ve mixed up the timeline and events a bit so that they fit this story :) Also note - I don’t condone Billy’s actions in the show. Abuse in any form is NOT okay. This is basically an AU! when looking at it

Hawkins was anything but what Billy had expected when moving to the small town. He’d set his mind on a place where nothing ever happened, the people were the dullest shades of grey, and the only resemblance of happiness he’d ever experience again, would be through the couple of pictures he’d managed to grab before moving from California. And he’d been right. Sort of.

Billy had been a wave of excitement that rolled into Hawkins High School in a long while, which meant all the attention was on him, and he liked it. He was splashy and wanted to make an impression, no matter how it went. He wasn’t there to make friends, just to finish his degree, and then he’d be free to go off and do whatever he wanted. But before he could do that, he had to make a statement.

The opportunity came to him at Tina’s Halloween party. Dressed in a black leather jacket and jeans, a bandana around his blond hair, Billy’s chest was left exposed, and when he sprayed out the leftover beer as he demolished the keg stand, he certainly cemented himself as the new king of Hawkins.

People buzzed around him, and he revelled in the attention, but then he saw something that turned his world upside down even more that it already had been. Or rather a someone.

Clad in a black beaded corset that rattled rhythmically with every step and sway of her hips, fishnet tights on her legs, sheer gloves that wrapped around her middle fingers up to her elbows, and a cheekbone length black bob, she was the epitome of a 1920s cabaret dancer; sultry and sexy, ready to destroy a man’s life. Some musical came to mind, but he couldn’t pinpoint which, because she took his breath away much like the cigarette smoke invading his lungs.

He nudged Tommy’s shoulder and pointed at the girl with his chin. “Who’s that?”

“That’s Nancy, come on dude.”

“No, I mean the girl next to her,” and this time he pointed directly at her.

Tommy’s eyebrows looked like they were about to shoot up in the stratosphere. “Y/N? You mean Y/N Henderson?”

That name changed everything, and he wasn’t even aware of it.

She was the other Henderson. A nerd, much like her brother, a bit shy but would never back down from a challenge and could never hold her tongue behind her teeth, even when it hurt her. She was the color the horrid town had lacked so much, and after how Tommy had put her down, Billy was just as surprised as she was when he started talking to her.

“Are you lost or something?” Y/N’s eyebrow rose as she faced the boy leaning against her neighbouring locker.

“Uhh, no?” he chuckled chewing on his bottom lip.

“Okay, so, have you already gone through all the girls that would let you? Because you can skip right along to the next one. I ain't it.”

Billy bristled a bit, shifting on his feet. He hadn’t expected the spunk. “Can’t I just talk to a pretty girl?”

“No, because people like you don’t talk to people like me.”

Don’t get her wrong, she by no means thought she was ugly or undeserving of attention. She just knew had it not been for Nancy, the popular crowd of Vicky, Tommy, Carol and the like, would’ve never given her the time of the day. And nowadays they didn’t. So, when the new king of Hawkins decided to strike up a conversation, things just felt odd.

“Nah, I just,” Billy fumbled a bit, “I uh, just wanted to get to know you. We didn’t get a chance to talk at Tina’s.”

Y/N closed her eyes and smiled before turning to Nancy and saying she’d catch up with her in chem class.

“Alright, Billy boy,” she turned back around to face the Californian. “Let’s get to know one another.”

The smile that appeared on his face was the most genuine he’d shown in a month. And somehow it didn’t end just there. He kept talking to her, meeting her at her locker, walking her to her car, or when it was at the repair shop, he offered Y/N a ride home. He laid his soul out to her on a silver platter, and instead of smashing it like he feared she would, Y/N took it in her hands and kept it safe within her grasp.

It was on a starry night when he’d chucked stones at her window to wake the girl up and made her sneak out of the house for a late drive to the ice cream shop when things took a turn.

“If Dustin comes back, and I’m not home, he’s gonna snitch on me, and I’m so gonna blame you,” she scolded Billy, but there was no animosity in her tone, and when she threw him a grin, it made his heart stutter in his chest.

It had been happening quite a lot recently. The stuttering. His heart skipped a beat when he woke up and thought of how he’d see Y/N waiting for him by her locker, it skipped a beat when he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her next to him, and it skipped a beat when she rolled her Y/E/C eyes at whatever he'd said, and then hid her face in his side. And it scared him.

He’d never felt that way before, but he understood what it meant, especially when his chest got being ripped apart whenever she wasn’t near, so that’s when he started to drive to her place for their nightly outings because he just needed to be near her. Not that he’d say anything to Max, nor Y/N would ever mention it to Dustin.

But unfortunately, as much as she laid out her own heart to Billy, there were also things she’d never tell him. Because her heart skipped a beat as well whenever the Californian entered her mind, and Y/N had already lost too much the year prior. His world hadn’t been the only one that’d turned upside down.

With his jacket draped over her shoulders, they crept around her house to the blue Camaro waiting a bit further down the driveway, so the lights wouldn’t give him away. Not that it would’ve mattered when her and Dustin’s mother was out of the town for the week, but they still liked to be as careful as possible.

Def Leppard blasted through the speakers, and they talked about what they'd done. It was a Saturday, so Y/N had spent the whole day at home, while Dustin hung out with the party. She needed the quiet as much as possible while dealing with a chem project, and that included Billy not visiting. When his phone had rung with her saying she was done, he was finally able to scratch the itch that was time spent without Y/N.

At that moment, they were sitting comfortably in the seats of the Camaro parked by Lover’s Lake and watching the scenery. She hadn’t told him how much nighttime actually scared her, but that was because, with him, she felt safe. It was alone when the thoughts of Barb and the Demogorgon came back. But never with him. Though what he said next, pulled her out of the dark reminiscing.

“Let’s go on a date.”

“What?” Y/N choked on her ice cream, looking over at Billy with eyes wide as saucers.

He took in a shuddering breath, but when he repeated the words they were as steady as ever. “Let’s go on a date.”

“Is this – is this some kind of a joke?”

Billy shook his head before taking away the melting ice cream in the little paper cup and placed it on the dashboard, taking Y/N’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers.

“Look I really like you. I have for a while, and yeah, it started off just like you’d like a friend, but now... when I see you, my heart does this weird thing where it starts beating really fast, and my stomach tosses and turns and shit… and that only happens when I think or look at you… so I like you. And I’d like to go on a date with you.

Stunned silence settled between the two teenagers as Y/N processed his words. He no longer could read her facial expression as it had turned into a blank piece of paper instead of the book, he used to be able to leaf through without any problems or hiccups.

A gentle finger pushed a piece of Y/H/C hair out of her face. “What’s going on through that pretty head of yours?” a nervous chuckle escaped him. “You know I can take whatever you throw at me. ‘S not gonna make me care less for you.”

“No, I uh,” Y/N snorted and shook her head, pressing her free hand to her mouth. “I just didn’t expect that from you.”

“What did you expect?”

“I dunno,” she shrugged. “I mean whenever you go out with girls, it’s never been with someone like me. And every time you did it, I pretended I was okay with it. Cause I cared about you too and wanted you to be happy. Even if it wasn’t with me.”

Billy’s eyes widened, and a small smile started pulling on his lips. “You were jealous?”

“Of course, I was! I’ve liked you for close to a month, but every time I heard you talk about taking a chick out, I pushed my feelings away.” Y/N looked at him and gave him a tight smile. “Love triangles aren’t like they show in the movies. Typically, there’re two happy people and one really sad who won’t show any emotions at all. Guess which one was me?”

He let out a short laugh and squeezed her hand a bit tighter, finally feeling free enough to press a kiss to the skin of her palm. “We’re both quite thick, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess we are,” Y/N agreed, looking at their clasped palms that fit together like two puzzle pieces. Sure, they’d held hands before, this wasn’t the first time, but it was the first time with the knowledge their feelings were returned.

“Can I kiss you?” Billy asked.

Y/N’s head shot up. He never asked to kiss someone, girls practically threw themselves at him to have their lips sucked off their face, but his shaky tone and scared eyes showed he was terrified she’d say no.

Slowly she leaned in, and when he didn’t pull back, Y/N pressed her lips to his. It was absolutely euphoric for both of them. The days and weeks of pent up frustrations and heartache inducing thoughts evaporated as they moved their lips in a dance.

He didn’t want to pull back, and neither did she, but their lungs burned from the lack of air, though Billy didn’t let Y/N get too far, bringing a palm to the base of her neck to keep her close, foreheads resting against one another. Not that she wanted to get away in the first place.

“So, go on a date with me?”

Y/N grinned caressing his face and pulling him closer, much as he did with her, taking hold of her waist and helping her straddle him in the seat, hands keeping her hips away from digging into the steering wheel. “I don’t just kiss all the pretty guys who bat their eyelashes at me.”

When she was close to him like that, his heart flipped and skipped and revved and started once more, but now he loved the feeling because, through the three layers of fabric that separated their skins, he could feel Y/N’s heart beating out of her chest as well.

“We can’t tell Dustin though,” she murmured pressing her lips to his in a quick peck. “He’ll rip our heads off.”

“Max too.”

“And Steve… and Nancy and Johnathan… basically the whole party.”

Billy nodded before diving in for another kiss. “Agreed.”

***

For a couple of weeks, they lived in a state of bliss. Now the late-night sneak outs were filled with kisses by the lake and hands that held one another as close as possible as if they’d disappear into thin air. But the happiness didn’t’ last long, and Billy couldn't find anyone to blame.

It was a pretty standard day for them, as he found Y/N talking with Nancy by her locker, up until he saw her facial expression.

“ -ought we were done with that,” Y/N hissed. “Fuck, I can’t! I can’t lose more people.”

Billy frowned when he heard that. Yes, he knew she’d lost one of her friends, though he didn’t know the details, he understood how much impact that'd had on Y/N’s life, but when she talked about it happening again and losing people again, his stomach churned.

“Everything alright here?”

Y/N jumped, not expecting the voice, almost slamming her head against the locker, and her reaction made Billy even more scared.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Nancy squeezed Y/N’s bicep before leaving her and the boy on their own.

Nancy wasn’t stupid and knew how much her friend cared for Billy and suspected there was more between them, so her heart ached at the thought how Y/N’s mind immediately went to the dark places where the Demogorgon lurked.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?”

His palms were like velvet as he cupped her face, and he didn’t care anymore if people found out they were together. All he cared about was what his girl was so fearful of.

“Talk to me,” he whispered. “Please.”

But when she shook her head and plastered on the fakest smile ever, his heart shattered.

“I’m fine,” she said. “Just Nancy reminded of the chem test coming up, and I’m so unprepared.”

She was lying to him. Y/N never did that, and he didn’t lie to her either. It was an unspoken rule they’d made up that there'd be no secrets between the two, but Billy now realized his girlfriend might have quite a few things he was unaware of. And she wasn’t planning on sharing.

“You ready for calculus?” Y/N changed the subject and wrapped her hand around his waist, not even thinking of how people might start speculating. Even when they weren’t together, they were attached at the hip, and Billy was as soft as a feather around her. “Miss Baxter is gonna kill me with those equations.”

But Billy wasn’t listening to her rambles about math and unimportant things, because his heart was sinking with every step he took as the fear he’d had in him about Y/N rejecting him, came back almost tenfold. And when that cursed Halloween rolled around, it didn't help the situation at all.

Y/N was nowhere to be found, which was unsurprising to him at that point; she’d been pulling away hour by hour, breaking his already fragile belief in love. He was upset and pissed and had decided enough was enough. He wanted answers.

Just as he was about to leave the house, Neil barged in, enraged Max was still out after her curfew.

“She’s probably with those friends of hers,” Billy said. “She’ll be back in no time.”

Neil stepped inside the room, and instantly the atmosphere changed. “You’re gonna go and find her, and then get the fuck back home.”

Billy straightened out, facing his father. He couldn't let him ruin what could still be saved. “I have plans! I need to see Y/N!”

“Your whore can wait.”

“Don’t you dare call her a wh-“ Billy's head slammed against his wardrobe, sparks flying behind his eyelids, and a hand tightly wrapped around his throat, cutting off the air.

“Now,” Neil’s voice was like the calm before the storm. “You’re gonna go out there, find your sister, and then come home. You’re not gonna go and see that slut, and you’re not gonna go to your friends. Understood?”

The hand squeezed tighter around Billy's neck, and he barely managed to rasp out a ‘yes’.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, sir.”

Finally, Neil let him go, and he gulped breath after breath, his own hand going to soothe the skin where there would undeniably be finger marks left the next day.

A single tear rolled down Billy’s cheek, as his poor excuse of a father left, Susan’s sympathetic gaze the last thing he saw before the door slammed shut.

He crumpled down on the floor, fingers fisting in his hair. He felt so alone, and all he wanted was to be held by Y/N, but even she was pulling away.

Angrily he wiped away the salty pearls from his face and stomped to his car setting off on his search for Max but not before delivering a few punches to the wheel. When he got to the Byers’ house, he wasn’t feeling any better. In fact, he turned worse, seeing red when Max's face flashed through the window.

Like some angry bull, he went after Steve, pummeling him into the ground, and almost knocked a few punches into Lucas had it not been for Max and the tranquillizer she pushed into his system.

In all honesty, the night was a blur. He couldn’t remember how he ended up in his car, nor how he managed to safely drive to Y/N’s - the only place he knew someone would help him.

She had, but it backfired. He’d felt the distance between them grow even more afterwards, and he understood her reasons. Partially. After patching him up, he was left to rest in her bed, which gave her the time to find out what the hell had happened between him and the party. They had enough shit to deal with, with all the Demodogs and the Upside Down being back again.

When Max and Dustin spilt the beans (albeit reluctantly because they knew how happy their siblings were together), Y/N gave Billy the silent treatment for three whole weeks. She only started talking to him after he’d apologized not only to her but to the two boys one of which he'd beaten to a pulp.

But it only helped a little. He got her back into his life somewhat, yet not fully, and right before the Snowball dance it all crumbled as she broke up with him.

To say he was stunned would be an understatement. He’d gone to her place expecting them to talk out their issues, and he could end it with asking her to go to the dance, but instead, she’d stood twelve feet away from him, arms crossed, eyes on the ground saying they can’t be together anymore.

“I don’t understand,” he whispered looking at Y/N, hoping she’d meet his gaze. She didn’t. “I thought we were alright. If this is about Hallowe-“

“This isn’t about that night.” Y/N shook her head. “Well, it is. Kind of. But not all of it.”

“Then please explain, so I can fix it. Let me make things right.”

She let out a sigh and sat down onto the bed. “I can’t. And even if I did, you wouldn’t believe me.”

“Is this about what happened to Barb?’

Y/N finally looked at Billy, her Y/E/C gaze meeting his blue. “Yes.”

That was it. No further explanations, no elaborations, no excuses.

“Y/N – “

“Can you please leave now?”

“Sweetheart – “

“Please,” she whimpered out, hugging herself. “Please just leave.”

And he did, but it felt like his body was fighting his mind, as his brain screamed to stay and comfort and hold, but his legs had their own agency, and carried Billy out of Y/N’s house, past a disappointed Dustin who’d been listening in on the conversation and shook his head, closing his door, and to his car where he sat for twenty minutes just staring into the distance trying to process what the hell had just happened.

When he went into school the next day, Billy was in a haze, his mind not really functioning.

“Where’s the leech?” Tommy H. cackled beside him, clapping Billy on the shoulder.

“What?”

“I asked where’s the other Henderson that’s always stuck to your side?”

“She uh,” Billy stopped mid-sentence. Tommy H. didn't need to know they dated. “We kinda fell out.”

“Fucking finally,” his ‘friend’ scoffed. “Told you she was a waste of time and space.”

Billy was just about ready to clock him, when his eyes befell on Y/N who finally entered the hallway. There was nothing left of the girl he used to know. She was now part of the grey mass Hawkins seemed to him in the beginning, but even then, she stood out, because even then she didn’t match the shades. She was darker, almost black without the spark that made Y/N Y/N. Billy wished she would turn grey, because he'd never been surer that's how it felt to look down an abyss.

The rest of the day was a nightmare. He had to watch from the side-lines as the person he loved most practically withered away. She was closed off, even to Nancy (which he found out after sucking up his ego and asking Wheeler), and he knew the issue ran much deeper than the simple confirmation of his suspicions, but he couldn’t help if she didn’t let him in.

He wanted to reach out, he wanted her to use him as a shoulder to cry on, to wrap her arms around him and mumble all her worries into his skin, but any time Billy even so much as looked at her, Y/N would turn her blank stare to the window or the wall or the floor. Anywhere that wasn’t him.

***

Though when summer came along… summer was a different beast. Billy got a job at the pool, and Y/N got a job at the newly built mall in a department store, and when he saw the girl as she came to pick up Dustin and the rest of the party, she once again looked full of life.

She was practically glowing, and Billy had to say a quick thank you to whoever invented summer breaks, as it seemed, being out of the school environment, was what Y/N needed.

The canary yellow one-piece bathing suit made her seem like the ray of sunshine the teenager knew her to be, and the cobalt wrap around her neck was the summer sky that appeared after the dark clouds dissipated. Though what irked Billy was she still kept her distance from him, and as a surprise for Y/N, he wasn’t giving up.

The girl was there to pick Dustin up once again because he wanted to see Steve at ‘Scoops Ahoy’ before meeting up with the rest of his friends, so Billy took his chance.

She’d scoped out the open pool area for the blond boy, and was relieved he wasn’t on his shift, think it'd be a quick in and out.

“Dustin, come on!” Y/N hollered. “We gotta go!”

But she wasn’t as sly as she'd hoped she'd be when a shadow started to loom over her.

There was no doubt in her mind who it was, and her theory was confirmed when Y/N came face to face with the naked chest of Billy. It wasn’t the first time, she’d been in that position, but the circumstances used to be different. Back then, when the hole that were the thoughts and fears of the Demogorgon was the size of a pebble, Billy would be like that on top of Y/N, her nails scratching along the golden skin and leaving loving red marks as her lips worked on the side of his neck to muster up some purplish ones for him to remember her by.

“Hey,” he breathed out taking off his sunglasses.

“Hey yourself,” Y/N breathed out as well. She hadn’t been this close to Billy even before winter break, so all the suppressed feelings were starting to bubble up again, especially when he cleared his throat and reminded her how shy he could actually be, and it pulled at her chest even more.

“Look, can we talk? Please? I just… I just want to know how you’re doing.”

“I’m alright,” she shrugged. “Happy?”

Billy sighed, placing his hands on his hips. “You know I don’t believe you.”

“Then what do you want from me?” she crossed her arms motioning with her head for Dustin to hurry up.

“I want my girlfriend back,” Billy muttered just so she heard him and not the prying ears of the classmates that had gathered by the poolside. “If not that, then at least my best friend. I miss you.”

And she couldn’t deny the fact she missed him as well. Y/N’s own body language betrayed her. He could see how much she wanted to be wrapped in his warmth, and Billy prayed she’d give in and melt against him.

Finally, she sighed. “Are you closing the pool tonight?”

Billy shook his head, blond curls bouncing. “Heather is, but I can ask and switch.”

“I’ll be here at eight,” Y/N stated right as Dustin bounded up to her ready to leave for the mall.

***

Eight couldn’t come fast enough. His shift felt like it was being dragged out by a supernatural force. By the time six rolled around, there was no one but Heather and him left to clean the poolside. Seven came, and Billy was on his own, mopping the men’s locker room, and wiping down the sauna door. An hour later, Billy was sitting on the edge of the pool, legs inside the warm water.

“Get any acceptance letters yet?”

Her voice brought him out of a trance, and he was about to jump up when she sat down beside him, putting her own legs in the liquid. In normal circumstances, Y/N would lean against him, and Billy would wrap her into his side, but they were no longer in the normal days.

“I mean I did only apply to UCLA, so waiting on that… if it even comes. Heather applied as well, and she received hers yesterday.”

“You’ll get in, Billy, don’t worry,” Y/N's tone was as soft as it was with him when they'd been together. “You’re smart, so don’t put yourself down, and I’m sure UCLA will see it too.”

“You?” he nudged her shoulder with his. “I remember you rambling on about NYU, Brown, Oxford and a bunch of others.”

She shrugged. “Not yet. Though with how last semester went dunno if I will. Kinda went off the deep end.”

Y/N knew Billy wanted to know exactly about that. Why did she suddenly shut down, what was the real reason she broke up with him and completely cut him out of her life, but the second she opened her mouth, finally ready to speak, the lights flickered around them. Instantly, Y/N froze and spaced out, much like when Billy had surprised her all those months ago by her locker.

“Hey, hey,” he cupped her face trying to get her attention. “Come back to me. You’re alright, you’re safe. It’s just me and you,” he placed a hand on her chest and one of hers on his. “Can you feel how I’m breathing?”

Shakily Y/N nodded.

“Okay,” he nodded back. “Now try to breathe the same way. In,” he took a breath and watched as Y/N mimicked him. “Hold. And out.”

For five minutes as the lights continued to flicker and then finally went out, they kept on with the pattern.

“It’s just a blackout, sweetheart. And you’re not alone. Not if you don’t push me away,” he whispered pressing his forehead to hers. “Please let me in. Please let me be there for you.”

“You can be there for me without knowing why,” her voice still shook from the fright, but with Billy’s presence it slowly levelled out.

His grip on her wrist tightened and he brought it to his lips. “How can I protect you without knowing what to protect you from?”

“Why can’t you just trust me with this? That it’s better not to know.” This whole episode had proved Y/N's point to her – it was safer to not know. Especially for Billy. He already had enough shit to deal with at home.

“Because you don’t trust me to keep you safe.”

“I do,” Y/N sighed, standing up, defeated that he wouldn’t give up and stepped away. “And I love you even more, but I’d prefer if you were alive.”

“You can’t just say shit like that and then tell me not to worry! You can’t tell me I could die from knowing and walk around without me scared shitless!” he jumped up and walked after her, but when Y/N spun around, tears of anger in her eyes, he stopped mid-step.

“I’ve been dealing with this shit for three years now, and I lost one of my best friends because of it! Dustin almost lost one of his best friends! I can’t lose you too,” the last bit came out like a choked back whimper. “I’d rather you hate me than be dead.”

***

That night hadn’t gone how she thought it would. Sure, Y/N had expected to be pretty much interrogated by Billy, but she hadn’t expected the blackout and the all-encompassing fear that erupted throughout her body when the lights blinked out. It was two days later when she finally decided to talk to someone about it

“I’m alright, Nance,” she sighed rolling over in her bed as she talked to her friend. “It was just… fuck. I don’t know when this shit will end. It’s like any time someone turns off the light, I start to see the shadows move and shit. I can’t go on like that.”

She heard some shuffling and muttering from the other end, and Y/N could only guess Johnathan was with her. “Look,” Nancy came back. “Maybe… maybe you can tell him. About everything. He could help us… he could help you, fuck, a blind person could see how much he calms you down.”

“I can’t do that; you know it, Nance! I can’t put him in unnecessary danger.”

“If you’re thinking about Barb, then please stop. This is not the same, in fact, it’s the opposite,” a thick silence settled between the two girls as they thought back to their friend. “Maybe had we known; I wouldn’t have let her leave.”

“Nancy, it wasn’t your fault,” Y/N choked back. “It’s no one’s fault but that monsters.”

“I know, but I’m saying had she known… had we all known, maybe we could’ve been more careful.”

Y/N had nothing to say against that. Had Barb known, maybe she truly would still be with them, and they’d still have their weekly girl’s nights.

“I just don’t want to risk it. I don’t want to lose him,” she whispered to Nancy. “I can’t lose

him.”

“You’re already losing him by pushing him away.”

She hated Nancy was right, absolutely despised it, but it was Y/N’s safety mechanism, not only to keep the other out of harm’s way but herself as well. If she pushed away enough, maybe once Billy left her, it wouldn’t hurt as much.

“Look, Johnathan and I will come over and we can have a chillout. Some shit’s been going on, so we need a bit of a break as well,” Nancy said. “And I ain’t suggesting. So, get cleaned up, we’ll come round and help you with the house, but if you look like a homeless man when we arrive, I’ll personally shave off your head.”

There was no room for arguments, especially when the long beep announced Nancy had dropped the call. So, with a sigh, Y/N peeled herself off from where she’d practically melted in the bed and trudged to her adjoined bathroom. She’d almost physically fought Dustin for it, but the ‘older sibling’ card had ultimately won.

Per Nancy’s instructions, Y/N started to pull herself together. She ran a bath, adding some lavender bubbles and applied a facemask to the sun-kissed skin. It felt kind of tight after being outside by the pool when typically, she barely let the rays touch her, so it definitely needed some moisturizing.

For the first time in a long while, Y/N felt relaxed, as the hot bubbles encased her. She let out a soft moan when her body was fully submerged and rested her head against the side of the bath. A soft smile appeared on her face when she thought back on the times, she’d done this with Billy and used him as a place to lay her head against. His rough palms would gently caress her sides and massage the knots that'd settled in her shoulders before bringing in her lips for a kiss. But that was the past.

She pulled her hand out of the liquid cocoon and reached for the razor on the side of the tub. Her skin was slathered enough, that Y/N just decided to go for it, though, with the first stroke of the blades, a sharp sting wrapped around her ankle.

“Shit,” Y/N hissed, instantly wiping away the blood and licking her finger. “Shit, fucking hell, really?”

As quickly as she could, she shaved both of her legs, without any injuries this time, and got out of the tub to go search for a band-aid. She dried herself off and pulled the old Jaws shirt she’d stolen one night from Billy and refused to give back, saying she preferred to sleep in something of his when he couldn’t be next, and took a pair of work out shorts as bottoms because the heat of Hawkins was unforgiving.

A glance at the fridge where two notes stood, one from her mom saying she’d be out of the town for the remained of the week on a work trip, and the other from Dustin threatening Y/N if she even so much as looked at his portion of cookies while he was out he’d snap her neck, she scoffed and grabbed a couple of the chocolate chip circles.

“Dickhead,” Y/N muttered through a stuffed mouth, reaching for a stool to get to their first aid kit.

Red drops had seeped through the tissue paper she’d wrapped around her ankle and splattered onto the floor.

A light flickered.

When Nancy and Johnathan pulled up, all they saw was the lights in Y/N’s house going haywire accompanied by screams.

***

Meanwhile, Billy had had the shittiest couple of days of them all. After getting nowhere with Y/N, just more concerned for her wellbeing, he’d spent the nights in the garage working on his beloved Camaro, or inside his room, headphones on and AC/DC blaring through his Walkman.

He’d tried calling, but when the phone went unanswered or when Dustin picked up telling how Y/N wasn’t even talking to him, Billy gave up. Maybe it was finally time to let it go and let her go. She seemed to have one hundred percent decided it was either Billy put on a mask of ignorance and they went back to how it used to be, or she wanted nothing to do with him. And Billy couldn’t pretend he didn’t care.

Aggressive banging against his door jerked him out of the self-pity hole he’d been in the past couple of days and towards the invader. Max’s face was unimpressed when he ripped open the door.

“What?” he growled. “What do you want?”

Pretty much everyone that lived in Hawkins piled into his room without a single uttered word – Dustin, Mike, Lucas, the new girl El, Will, Max, but what surprised him the most was Steve.

“What are you doing here, Harrington?” Billy puffed out his chest. “Need another round?”

“Do that, and you’ll never get back with my sister,” Dustin started, going over to Billy’s curtains and drawing them closed. “And you do want to get back with Y/N, right?”

“What kind of a question is that?” Billy scoffed.

“A simple yes or no,” Max butted in. “If it’s a no, then we’re leaving and you can continue to wallow in your misery, or you can sit down and let us explain.”

A sarcastic snort escaped him, but he relented. Plopping back onto the bed, he rolled his eyes giving Y/N’s brother the go for him to get on with whatever the hell he had to, as long as they’d leave him alone after this and never came in a five feet radius.

“You have to keep an open mind, cause this shit will sound absolutely crazy, but it’s a hundred percent true,” Dustin looked around at the rest of the people. When everyone had given an affirmative nod, he dove into the tale that began two years prior.

Throughout the whole recounting of how Will and Barb had gone missing, how Nancy, Y/N and Johnathan had ventured into the woods at night and had been greeted by a monster with a meat flower for a head and had had to hide for their lives, and how the kids had found El, all leading up to where she’d destroyed it with telekinesis, Billy was practically emotionless, apart from the moment when Steve said while him, Johnathan, Nancy and Y/N had been fighting the thing at Byers’, she’d barely escaped from the Demogorgon and had almost been caught in the flame trap they’d set.

“We thought we were done with that shit, but last year it came back, and it's back now too,” Dustin sighed looking over at Will who’d hung his head. “That’s why Y/N was pushing you away. Things were getting out of hand, and she was afraid the Mind Flayer might get to you. She was just trying to protect you in a really dumbass way.”

“So,” Billy cleared his throat leaning on the edge of the bed and resting his chin against his clasped hands. “You’re telling me your sister broke up with me because an interdimensional monster was terrorizing you and she was afraid it would go after me?”

Dustin chewed on his bottom lip. “Well when you say it like that, it sounds insane.”

“Because it is!” the blond exploded. “God, if Y/N didn’t want to see me, she could’ve just told me she didn’t have any feelings anymore, not make you tell me some bullshit story. I get you, Henderson, and I know you’re a dick, Harrington, but I didn’t believe you had that little brain left to go along with this shit.”

The bitter chuckle that made its way out of Steve’s mouth was almost like a cue for everyone to leave. “Yeah, well the thing is, I’m going along with it because it’s the fucking truth. But it’s your loss. She was always way out of your league anyway.”

The sudden shrill ring of the phone made everyone jump before Max ran out of Billy’s room to pick it up.

“Did you not hear about the part where we said El’s got literal superpowers?” Mike butted in absolutely done with Billy, which made the older boy scoff.

“Of course, I fucking did, but I decided to block it out, cause given how the whole story’s bullshit, it makes even less sense!” he gestured towards the girl, who’d been standing somewhat behind Mike the whole time. “Come on then! Give us a show!”

“No, you know what, El?” Will popped in. “Don’t. If he doesn’t want to believe us, then so be it. You’re not some circus freak to entertain people. Like Steve said – it’s his loss. This whole thing was a waste of time.”

As everyone left Billy’s room, leaving him to ponder what the fuck had just happened, he heard Max’s panicked voice, and how the kids with Steve in tow sprinted out of the house.

“Hey!” he yelled after the redhead, who only stopped for a second before rushing to Steve's car. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

“To Dustin’s. Y/N’s hurt.”

***

Those words, no matter what they’d told him before, struck true, and Billy bolted to his own Camaro, following Steve almost to the point he crashed into the vehicle a couple of times when the other guy pressed on the brakes.

Yells of pain greeted him when he jumped into the night air and rushed inside the now-demolished house. Lamps and glass littered the ground in jagged pieces, couch and pillow fillings dusted around like sprinkles on a cake, but the worst sight was the scarlet drops of blood on the walls and ground, some places oozing black like puss from a wound.

“Fuck, shit, fuck,” Billy could hear Y/N’s panting from where her room was, and practically showing her brother out of the way, ran to the pain-filled voice, but was stopped in the middle of the doorway when seeing Johnathan with a blazing white knife in hand. It made bile rise in Billy’s stomach, but what put him on the verge of throwing up was what happened next.

“What the –“ Johnathan exclaimed, noticing the Californian’s arrival, but instantly switched when the kids ran in Y/N’s room, completely unaffected by how everything looked. “El, hold her down,” Johnathan said, and in an instant, Y/N was no longer trying to get away from him.

She was stiff as a statue, eyes wide and filled with fear and pain, while El’s nose had a little stream of blood running from it, an outstretched hand towards Y/N, radiating unseen power that immobilized the girl he loved.

Everything the kids said, had said had been true. All of it, him being a witness to El’s telekinesis firsthand. Mike's gagging made him snap out of the daze and run to Y/N’s side where he pulled her to rest against his chest

“There’s something in there!” the youngest Wheeler shouted as Johnathan moved closer, kneeling down on bloodied rags that reeked of metal and alcohol.

“I know, what do you think we’re trying to do?” he said it as if he was calming himself down not Y/N. “Quick and fast.”

When the knife moved closer to the open wound, whatever was inside moved away, and it visibly caused Y/N pain, as tears streamed down her cheeks in an endless river.

“No, please,” Y/N whimpered. “It hurts, Billy. Please make it stop.”

“I will, baby, I promise,” he kissed the side of her head where it had lolled to rest against his shoulder. He had to process this quickly to help her. “I will. But you gotta hold on, alright? It’s gonna hurt only for a bit, and after that, it’ll be alright.”

But she kept shaking her head with every inch that the white-hot steel moved closer to her. The knife hadn’t even touched her. Her whimpers turned into screams. Finally, Billy snapped.

“Can’t you see you’re only hurting her?”

“Do you have any better ideas?” Nancy yelled back. She was crying as well; it was giving her no pleasure seeing one of her closest friends in such an immense amount of pain. “We gotta get it out and cauterize the wound. She could bleed to death.”

It was like a lightbulb went off in his head.

“She could pull it out,” Billy turned hopefully to El. “Right? If you can hold her down, why wouldn’t you be able to pull out whatever it is?”

“It’s still gonna hurt,” her voice was quiet and apologetic as she looked at Y/N, who only shook her head as if saying ‘it’s alright. I forgive you’, now freed from El’s hold, and able to sag against Billy’s front.

“Probably not as much as that would’ve.”

This gave them a few seconds to recuperate, and Nancy ran to her room taking three steps at a time before sprinting downstairs with a can of hairspray and a belt, as the rest tried to somewhat clean Y/N’s room and the house. Billy didn’t want to think about how much of the blood was hers and how much the monsters.

“What happened?” Billy muttered into Y/N’s hair and inhaled the scent of grapefruit and chamomile. He’d missed that smell. He’d missed falling asleep next to her, where he could hide his face by the crook of her neck and just drift off into a peaceful sleep.

The girl shuddered when he exhaled, the warm puff of air which used to be so soothing, now an unwelcome sensation, courtesy of the part of the Mind Flayer stuck in her body. “Was taking a bath,” Y/N murmured. “Decided to shave and accidentally cut myself. Next thing I know, all the lights started to flicker and this… mass of goo with tentacles was practically throwing me around the house. Luckily Nancy and Johnathan got here, and we were able to stave it off, but when she axed off one of the legs or whatever, I guess not everything retreated.”

A moan of displeasure invaded Billy’s ears, as she shifted a bit. “What are you doing here?”

“Dustin told me everything.”

She grunted straightening out in his hold. “I swear if I didn’t feel like someone played paper shredder with me, I’d kill him.”

“The question is why didn’t you tell me?”

“Had I, would you have believed me?”

Billy looked at her chest and focused on how it moved up and down in short quick breaths while thinking back on the confrontation and how the truth had been laid out to him a mere hour ago. His silence was her answer.

“Did you ever think maybe I was trying to protect you? It’s bad enough the kids are involved. This isn’t just shits and giggles. This is life and death. And if you somehow manage to get through this, you could go to jail. If you can’t tell, I’m not having the time of my life right now, Billy and –“

“I won’t let you do this without me. Not anymore.”

There was no room for discussion. The intensity of his gaze paralyzed Y/N, and as much as she hated to have him involved with the Upside Down business, as much as she hated he was now a possible target, she no longer could tell her heart no, so, she wove a hand into his curls and pulled him down for a kiss.

For a moment both forgot the situation they were in, and nothing but the sweet taste of the other existed. It was like their souls had been revived and their hearts synced to once more beat in the same rhythm.

When they pulled back and looked around the room, no one was watching, giving the pair some resemblance of privacy, and it made her chuckle, though the levity was soon eradicated when El stepped up.

“Bite on this,” Nancy handed the leather strip to Y/N, who only weakly nodded, and Billy fished out his lighter, tossing it to her.

“The second it's out, light it on fire.

Y/N was fully pressed against Billy now, his arms like a vice around her waist and shoulders, and hers on top of his biceps.

“You ready?” Steve asked kneeling down and putting both palms on her upper thigh, so she’d be as still as possible while El tried to extract whatever thing lurked underneath the tissues of her leg.

Y/N bit down harder on the belt and tightened her grip on Billy. He held her back just as tightly. For reassurance. For security. For safety. She was no longer in this alone. Billy would keep her safe. And she him.

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take):

Forever tags: @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan @teenwolflover28

Billy Hargrove’s tag list: @la-reina-tigresa @youcanstandundermyumbrella @ephmrl-love

A/N: I hope everyone’s staying home and is alright during these crazy times. I was in quarantine myself, I got out of the UK in the nick of time so that I could wait this out at home (I wasn’t in contact with people and I was in a safe space away from everyone). I did have the sniffles and a sore throat which is chronic at this point and luckily it’s was just that, as I did go and get tested for COVID-19, but even if you’re like me - please check your temperature 2x a day, drink loads of tea with lemon and honey, and eat a lot of garlic. And don’t forget WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS! I HAVE SHIT TO DO AND PLACES TO BE AND I NEED THIS OVER BY JUNE!!! (please note I do hope we can get back to our normal lives by the end of May, (April would be amazing) but we need to listen to the medical professionals and advice from them. Not politicians, unless they tell you to stay the fuck inside, but actual people who know about disease and viruses. Trust them. They’re putting their lives on the line by being around the infected and treating them while we can sit home on our couches. If not for the respect of other people, then for the ones actually out there trying to curb and combat this.)

Stay safe my frens, and please know - if you need anyone to talk to don’t be afraid to message me. I know i’m quite bad at replying, but I’ll try to be more active at this time, as I know we’re supposed to be “social distancing” but I’d like to call it physical distancing. Heard that somewhere, didn’t make it up myself :D humans by nature are social creatures and as big of a homebody I am, I’m kinda going crazy (was in quarantine for 2 days and was already bored out of my mind). We all need people to talk to. If you need a vent or just someone to have a chat with for 5 mins, I’ll be here :) (P.S. please note I most likely have a huge time zone difference with everyone, so replies might be at off times :D)I’ll be trying to post more fics, but I do have my assignment still (we now have another 2 week deadline extension and I’m so fucking confused as to when are my new deadlines. Hopefully I’ll be able to finish everything in my quarantine, and I’ll be able to write some shizz up)

P.S. my tags are always open :)

P.S.S. what did ya think?

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grailfinders · 3 years

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Fate and Phantasms #140: Vlad III (Extra)

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re making the cooking daddy himself, Vlad III! This build will combine the Brute Fighter and Undead Warlock to create an unstoppable juggernaut who strikes fear into the hearts of his enemies. (Also spears. He strikes spears into the heart of his enemies.)

Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: Christmas... 2!

Race and Background

Unlike your other self, you’re still a Human of the variant variety, giving you +1 Charisma and +1 Wisdom. Sometimes will is a wisdom save, sometimes its a charisma save, so you’ll be good with both. You also get proficiency with Intimidation because duh, and you get the Piercer feat. This lets you re-roll a die of piercing damage once per turn, and critical hits get an extra die of damage. It also gives you +1 Strength.

Like a lot of other servants, you’re a Noble. (If you’re sick of this background, yell at history for only focusing on rich people.) This gives you proficiency with History and Persuasion skills.

Ability Scores

“Vlad the Impaler is somewhat terrifying” is a true statement in the sense of “The ocean’s kinda damp.” So make Charisma your highest stat for the highest intimidation bonus. It also takes a surprising amount of force to turn people into shish kebabs, so make sure your Strength is also pretty high. Third on the list of Just Vlad Things is Wisdom for an unbreakable will. It’s sad these couldn’t all be 20s, but we can fix that a little while in. You can’t wage horrific amounts of bloodshed on the populace if you get tired easily, so Constitution comes a bit later. Your Intelligence isn’t great- you’re a noble so it’s not like you’d have a bad education, we just needed other stuff more. Finally, dump Dexterity. Those spikes are cool, but they make it super easy to get caught on stuff.

Class Levels

1. Fighter 1: Unsurprisingly, someone with the name “the Impaler” is pretty good with stabbing people. As a fighter, you get proficiency with Strength and Constitution saves, as well as the Athletics and Survival skills.

Your Defense fighting style gives you +1 AC, and your Second Wind lets you heal yourself as a bonus action once per short rest. The secret to vigilance is knowing when to take a break.

2. Fighter 2: Thanks to Action Surge, you can now add an extra action to your turn once per short rest. The second secret of vigilance is knowing when to bug out and stab people.

3. Fighter 3: Not gonna lie, despite your upbringing you’re still kind of a brute. The good news is this lets you use Brute Force to shove your spear even further in, dealing 1d4 extra damage with all weapon attacks. This die will grow as you level up.

4. Fighter 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to grab the Heavy Armor Master feat, rounding up your strength and reducing all nonmagical physical damage you take by 3. The third secret of vigilance is not getting hurt. Just don’t do it! It’s that easy.

5. Fighter 5: Fifth level fighters get an Extra Attack each attack action, letting you cut through enemies faster than we’re cutting through these levels!

6. Warlock 1: Despite the update to your looks, you’re still getting some of your power from the legend of Dracula, making you an undead warlock. This gives you a Form of Dread that you can transform into for one minute. While transformed you gain temporary HP, once per turn you can force a wisdom save on a creature, frightening it if it fails, and you are immune to being frightened. You can use this a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus per long rest. Look, you are a pretty scary guy.

Speaking of things that recharge on long rests, there’s nothing else.

But there are your Spells, which you cast with Charisma and have spell slots that recharge on short rests. Eldritch Blast and Sword Burst are decent enough substitutes for weapons, as long as you don’t mind them doing force damage. You can also Cause Fear to freak out people even more, and Protection from Evil and Good will help you if you get in too deep with the bigger fish. Or if your bosses try giving you a hard time.

7. Fighter 6: Use this ASI to bump up your Strength for more hitting things. Hitting things is good.

8. Fighter 7: Seventh level brutes get Brutish Durability, letting you add 1d6 to all your saves. In addition, if adding this to a death save increases it past 20, it counts as a natural 20. It’s not quite vampirism but hey, at least you’re not from Ixalan.

9. Fighter 8: Another ASI, another feat! Grab the Resilient feat to get proficiency with Wisdom saves, and also add 1 to your wisdom score. Mind control’s no joke. Except to you, because you’re really good at ignoring it.

10. Fighter 9: Making things even more unfair for your saves, this level makes you Indomitable, letting you re-roll a failed save once per long rest.

11. Warlock 2: Bouncing back to warlock for a bit more goodies. Eldritch Invocations customize your vampire experience, with Devil’s Sight giving you darkvision for your dumb human eyes and Agonizing Blast making your eldritch spears a bit more of a match for the real ones.

You can also cast Comprehend Languages, because despite being a medieval warlord you can still go to modern Japan and not be horribly confused.

12. Fighter 10: Tenth level brutes get a larger damage increase to their brute force, which now deals 1d6 damage. Your new Superior Technique also lets you make a Menacing Strike once per short rest, using a d6 as your superiority die. Hit somebody, and then they have to make a wisdom save (dc 8+proficiency+strength modifier) or they’re frightened of you for a round.

Have I mentioned you’re scary yet? You’re scary yet.

13. Fighter 11: Eleventh level fighters get another Extra Attack each action. Now you can kill enemies almost as quickly as describing what extra attack does got old.

14. Fighter 12: Last feat, I promise. Use this ASI to grab the Chef feat, rounding out your wisdom and making you a true cooking daddy. This gives you proficiency with cook’s utensils, and as part of a short rest you can cook for the party. This gives 4 plus your proficiency bonus creatures an additional 1d8 hit points when they use their hit dice to heal. Also over the course of an hour or after a long rest, you can cook your proficiency bonus in treats. Creatures can eat a treat as a bonus action to gain some temporary hp.

15. Fighter 13: Another use of Indomitable per long rest? Why, that’s almost as unique as this level description!

16. Fighter 14: Bump up your Constitution for some more HP. Not dying- it’s what’s for dinner.

17. Fighter 15: Fifteenth level brutes learn how to land Devastating Criticals, dealing your fighter level in extra damage when you score a critical hit on a creature.

You may remember that this is the same thing that mercy monk had, and it’s still just as terrifying here.

18. Fighter 16: Use your last ASI to bump your Charisma up a bit, making you even scarier and also more magical.

19. Fighter 17: Another Action Surge per short rest, and another Indomitable per long rest. I don’t think fighter is a simple class, but I absolutely see why people would think that, seeing as they don’t get any new abilities past 9th level.

20. Fighter 18: Your capstone level makes you a Survivor. You’re not gon’ give up, and you’re not gon’ stop. This also means you gain HP each turn as long as you’re bloodied and not at 0 HP. You gain 5 plus your constitution modifier each turn.

Pros:

You’ve got two of the big three saves (wisdom and charisma) down pat, with each save at least 1d20+1d6+9, and indomitable backing you up. God help your enemies if you’ve got a paladin in the same party, because by that point you’re probably just immune to charms.

On top of that, you deal solid damage, dealing an almost critical hit each turn and even more when you do land a nat 20. Adding your level to your damage was scary on Martha, and it’s still scary here.

You have over 150 hp, an AC of 20, and constant healing. Basically, you can deal tons of damage, and are very hard to kill in the interim.

Cons:

Despite excelling at the other two saves of the big three, we dumped dexterity, and even all your save nonsense can’t fix a -1 modifier. Also, good luck going anywhere unnoticed.

Eldritch Blast is nice and all, but most of your damage is non-magical, meaning actually fighting those demons you’ve got your eye on will be an issue if you’ve got a stingy DM.

Not going to lie, the second the undead get involved, your options for joining parties gets a bit slimmer. Of course there’s nothing stopping you from putting Vlad in your game as an NPC, but it’s something to keep in mind as a player. (Of course this only made the list because picking weaknesses was pretty hard, but it still counts dammit.)

#Fate Grand Order #D&D 5e #FGO #Vlad III #Fate and Phantasms #Fighter #Warlock #I love making fighters their levels go by so much faster.

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shadowed-dancer · 3 years

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BNHA Theory: Why Aoyama Isn’t the Traitor

Debunking common claims because I love my boy and don’t want him to be evil. This is all for fun, and if you still want to believe he’s the traitor then I'm not stopping you.

This will be spoiler free, and will only cover stuff we see in the anime.

“We don’t know where he was during the USJ attack”

Ok, very fair point. However, have you ever considered that the USJ attack doesn’t actually matter when it comes to the traitor? Whether it’s Aoyama or not, I don't think this is a solid place to look for clues.

We know how the villains got the class schedule, there was no need for a traitor. Shigaraki noticed the press was desperate to get in, he disintegrated the barrier, and let them storm the campus

Then, while all the students were trying to evacuate, the teachers were also busy dealing with the reporters.

We only see Aizawa and Present Mic, but we can assume the others were dealing with the security breach too (and if not, then perhaps a teacher is the traitor? it doesn’t really matter, but the point is: it’s not a student).

Now, it’s possible that Aoyama was not affected by the rush of students, as he usually eats in the classroom, but he’s still pretty innocent. Students likely didn’t know the schedule, and had no idea All Might would be taking them to the USJ. I doubt the traitor would go through all this trouble if they weren’t absolutely sure that All Might would be taking them off campus sometime soon. Shigaraki could risk coming up empty (as in, finding a schedule where All Might never leaves campus) because he just doesn’t know what to expect, but a STUDENT risking themselves is a lot less unlikely. They’d risk getting caught and possibly expelled, or worse.

As for the USJ attack itself, Aoyama was most likely hiding. I’ll talk about this more in just a second, but in scenarios where he’s put in danger, Aoyama gives up and hides (even if there’s no one around).

So why’d he call attention to his absence? Well, to figure that out we need to look at...

Aoyama’s goals, personality, and motivations

Aoyama’s shtick is that he wants to stand out and be the centre of attention, yet is constantly pushed to the background.

His costume and hero name are meant to stand out, and the way he constantly talks about how wonderful he is is an attempt to get attention. He’s also obsessed with his appearance (as shown when Mina ruins his cape). None is this proves he’s a traitor, it’s just a form of comic relief.

When he asks if anyone wanted to know where he was, only to say “it’s a secret”, he was most likely trying to garner attention and make himself seem more cool and mysterious in the eyes of his classmates, but as an audience, it’s a lighthearted moment to ease us out of the heavier storyline. Again, he was probably hiding in fear, but wanted others to THINK he was bravely fighting like everyone else, which takes us to our next point to break down...

“Dabi didn’t attack him during the training camp”

This is probably the most damning piece of evidence.. If you need a brief refresher, Aoyama is hiding behind a bush, peaks his head out, and is almost immediately noticed by Dabi (it’s unclear if the villain sees who is behind the bush or not, but Aoyama says, “he saw me”. Even if Dabi didn’t see his face, he saw that there was a person). He goes to check but is immediately sidetracked by Twice, who reminds him to call back the Nomu he sent out. Dabi proceeds to forget about the student behind the bush.

Here’s the thing; this scene says more about Dabi than it does Aoyama. People tend to forget, but at this point in the story Dabi has not killed anyone. Heck, he’s not even in the criminal data base. Maybe he’s just sneaky, but Giran specifically calls out the fact that, “he hasn’t done any flashy crimes”. If he’s a criminal, he’s never been caught.

Back to that comment about the criminal data base, it’s a detail a lot of people overlook. When Tsukauchi is taking statements from Aizawa and Vlad King, he tells All Might that they ran a search through the CRIMINAL data base, looking for a man that matched Dabi’s description, and they came up empty handed. Not the quirk registry, they were specifically looking for criminals.

Dabi’s appearance is distinct, to say the least, so even if he was caught for petty theft, they’d be almost certain to catch and identify him. But no, he’s not a criminal at this point.

That being said, let’s look at how Dabi acts during the rest of this arc. For the most part, the real Dabi isn’t attacking unless he’s provoked first. When Deku, Shoto, and Shoji fall from the sky, he attacks to protect his teammate (since the boys had just jumped Mr. Compress). The exception is when Dabi’s clones goes after Aizawa and Vlad King, but in these situations he is very much aware that the two are pro heroes and will protect their students. Aizawa says it best, they’re trying to keep the pros distracted.

This isn’t meant to be defending Dabi, but instead to point out that, at this moment, he’s not very experienced in being a criminal. No spoilers but it’s obvious that CURRENT Dabi has no hesitations about killing people (see: those thugs in the alley and the hero Snatch). But, in this arc, he didn’t seem to want to cause any unnecessary violence. For these reasons, I believe he would have spared ANY kid behind that bush, not just Aoyama (forgetting to go back after Twice distracted him was a conscious choice, it would have taken literally no time out of his day to go check who it was, and instead he decides to let the kid live). Dabi’s purpose is to seem intimidating and distract the pros, not to attack recklessly.

Whoops, I went on a tangent. Back to my twinkling boy!

Aoyama is a coward

(meant in the most loving way possible)

Aoyama is a coward. I brought it up with the USJ that he was probably hiding, and we saw it with Dabi when he was cowering behind a bush. But the important thing is that, at the training camp, he actually does get the courage to attack (specifically when he sees Deku and the others fighting back).

We see this again during the license exam

During the test, he was scared to fail, so he hid until Iida found him. And, once again, the courage of his classmates gives him the strength to act. Aoyama is just scared. Some people point to this as evidence that he’s the traitor, since he doesn’t have the character of a hero, but actually think about it. Hero society is corrupt; people are becoming heroes for a whole host of other reasons. Almost no one has the motivations of a hero out of Class 1A.

Bakugo wants to be the best, Todoroki wants to stick it to his dad, Uraraka wants to make money, Iida is carrying on his family business, and Mineta wants girls. And hey, Mineta is also a coward, so take that as you will. Not everyone becomes in the hero course is suited to becoming a hero, and that’s the whole point (it’s the entire motivation behind Stain and his followers).

“How about the secret message?”

Ah yes, the secret message. "il faut se méfier de l'eau qui dort", literally translated to "beware the water that sleeps". It basically amounts to “there’s more than meets the eye” or “watch out for the quiet ones”.

Would a traitor expose himself? Probably not, the only reason I could say yes is if the traitor was helping the villains against his will and needed to tell someone, but what’s more likely is that Aoyama knows who the traitor is.

This next little theory isn’t really based on anything, but it’s possible that, while he was hiding from Dabi and Twice, the villains mentioned who the traitor was. Twice seems like the kind of dude who’d accidentally let it slip, or if he didn’t say a name, maybe he mentioned that SOMEONE at UA is a traitor and Aoyama is trying to get Midoriya’s help in figuring it out. Either way, he may be trying to alert Midoriya that someone can’t be trusted.

Alternatively, he could be referring to both him and Midoriya, and may not be talking about the traitor at all! When Aoyama wrote “I know” in cheese, he specifies that it was meant to say, “I know you have a quirk like mine” or “I know what you’re going through”. This could be similar, attempting to tell Deku “we are the same, there’s more to us than people know because we go through things that others do not.”

But wait, “the water that SLEEPS?” Mr Aizawa sleeps! Is Mr Aizawa the traitor?!?!?!

Tangent: Is Mr Aizawa the traitor?

No. This dude puts himself at risk for his kids more times than I can count. It makes no sense for him to go so out of his way to protect his kids (like at the USJ) only to be the traitor. As well, Aizawa could have easily texted Shigaraki and been like “yo change of plans, All Might isn’t here, don't bother showing up”.

In addition, Dabi actually DOES attack Aizawa at the training camp. No one is around to see it, so it’s not like it’s for show, and Aizawa is deliberately shown to not know what Dabi’s power is. (As seen when he says, “the fire wasn’t his quirk?” when the clone melts).

So yeah, “the water that sleeps” isn’t referring to Aizawa.

Some final thoughts about the traitor

I personally don’t believe there is one. In one chapter of the manga, the teachers are talking with the principal and mention how the dorms have revealed nothing suspicious from the students. As well, when Present Mic first brings up the idea of a traitor, he actually points to a STAFF MEMBER before bringing up the possibility of a student.

He mentions that only the teachers and first years knew where the training camp was, and then says, “I guess a student could have used their phone”. He says it like an afterthought, as if the possibility of it being a student hadn’t even crossed his mind until he said it out loud.

So yeah, I don’t think a student is the traitor. I am also hesitant to think it’s a teacher since Nezu says he can trust everyone in the room during their meeting. I think the traitor theory was just an excuse to get the kids living in dorm rooms for all the goofy teenage moments that could arise from that.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed! And I hope all Aoyama fans can feel a little more at ease, knowing their boy (probably) isn’t the traitor.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #yuga aoyama #ua traitor #ua traitor theory #long post #bnha theory #bnha analysis #mha theory #mha analysis #bnha meta

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skzsauce01 · 4 years

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Normal Pt 1

Description: For more skilled maneuvers, dragon shifters need a rider to help them out. After rejecting multiple riders, Hyunjin, a traumatized and handicapped shifter, is assigned to you. To add a cherry on top, you’re deaf, so how are you supposed cast spells to free him from his limitation, let alone the anger in his heart? Some HTTYD influence.

Warning: none

Word Count: 3.8k

Pairing: fem!reader x dragon!Hyunjin

Pt: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5

“You have got to be kidding me.” Hyunjin can feel his eye twitching as he looks at you, his new rider. If he’s being honest, he’ll admit that you look familiar, but it doesn’t make him hate you any less.

“If you have complaints, then maybe you shouldn’t have mistreated your previous rider until he quit,” the professor seethes and begins walking away. “Remember, this is your last chance or we have to expel you.”

“Professor. Professor!” the young dragon-shifter calls, but his pleas fall on deaf ears. With a sigh, he turns to you, the one with literal deaf ears.

“Stay out of my way,” he growls and pushes roughly past you.

You tilt your head to the side, unable to comprehend his moving lips. He seems displeased, but still, you want to make a good first impression, so you run up after him and offer him a red pouch.

“What do you want?” he frowns.

You open the bag for him to see the appai berries inside, his favorite fruit.

“Oh, wow, for me thanks!” he grins happily, making you smile as well. You beam at him as he takes the gift from your hands. However, you don’t expect him to then spit into the bag and shove it back into your face with a scowl.

“You really think I’d say that?” he scoffs and continues stomping down the halls of Sheng Academy, shaking off the feeling that he’s seen you somewhere.

“A deaf handicap! Can you believe it?”

“Hyunjin, calm down,” his friend and roommate, Changbin, sighs.

“Easy for you to say; your rider is head prefect,” Hyunjin grumbles at the other shifter.

Changbin just lets out another sigh and focuses his attention on his dinner.

“Who says we need riders anyway?” Hyunjin continues. “We can fight and fly perfectly well without them!”

“You know that isn’t true.”

“I’m a Twilight Terror,” he hisses.

Changbin rolls his eyes at the mention of the superior dragon breed. “I’m going back to the dorms now. You should find her and get some practice in before the great ‘Twilight Terror’ falls face first into dirt in class tomorrow.”

“Like claws I will,” he curses while taking the unfinished custard from his friend’s plate.

It appears that you have the same idea as Changbin though. As soon as Hyunjin puts his tray onto the collecting belt, you walk up to him.

‘Practice?’ you sign.

“I can’t understand your stupid hand dance,” he snickers and pushes your forehead backwards with two fingers.

You figure out what that meant, so you pull out a notepad and write your question onto a sheet.

With the same cocky smile on his lips, he leans down towards you and exaggeratedly replies, “Nnnnoooooo.”

Despite his answer, Hyunjin makes his way to the training grounds after he has lost you. It is actually a commonality for him to practice whenever he has a chance. By himself, that is.

“Face first?” Hyunjin mocks. “We’ll see about that.”

After a quick chant, the pendant around his neck glows and turns him into a gorgeous, deep purple reptile. Hyunjin lets out a majestic roar and takes off into the air.

He loves the feeling of the night air under his wings and the feeling of control as he maneuvers around the training course. Over the horizontal beam, around the rotating spikes, toss a fireball at the target, through the-- Bang! His tail accidentally slams against a pole, sending him face first into the sand below.

“Claws…” Hyunjin groans internally, picking his head off the ground.

Fustratedly, he thumps his useless tail against the ground repeatedly until he feels an extra weight trying to hold it down. When the dust cloud he created settles down, he nearly gasps when he sees you clinging onto him with wide eyes.

You shake your head and make a thumping motion with your arm. ‘Don’t hurt yourself,’ you sign regardless of his understanding.

Hyunjin blasts a breath of hot air into your face before flinging you off of him and flying away as quickly as he can.

Once alone again, Hyunjin curls up into himself and paws at his left tail fin, or rather, the lack thereof. He can still remember the day he lost it like it was yesterday. He can also still remember the man who took it from him. The man he called his rider.

Hyunjin knows deep down he cannot maneuver as fluidly and precisely without the spells of a rider even if he had a functioning tail, but he would rather keep trying every night by himself than admit it. Speaking of spells, how are you, a deaf rider, supposed to control him? You probably cannot even enunciate the most basic of spells, he realizes with a scoff. He realizes his hypocrisy when making fun of your handicap when he has one as well, but he would rather disregard that thought too.

“We’re going to be having free practice for class today. Remember, the New Year Race is in just over three months!” your professor announces.

“Are you competing this year?” a she-dragon asks, bumping her snout against Hyunjin’s wing.

“We’ll see, Hye Ji,” he replies, hiding his tail even further between his two front legs. Hye Ji sighs at the response and flies off with her rider to find a training spot.

You cannot tell what the dragons are saying even if you can hear, but you can clearly see her intentions. You give Hyunjin a suggestive nudge, and he growls dangerously at you.

“Now, now, Hwang,” your professor chides. “Be nice. Maybe L/N can take you to the Race this year.”

“I don’t need a rider--”

“I’m sure you don’t.” Turning to you, she signs and vocalizes, “Ready?”

You nod, but Hyunjin lets out a grunt. To no one’s surprise, he starts to stalk off. As he does so, he feels a sudden weight overcoming his head, causing it to drop onto the ground and halting his movements. Angrily, he turns to the professor for using a spell on him. To his surprise though, her necklace wasn’t the one glowing; yours is.

“How?” A spell like that is difficult and even more so when used on a dragon who has not accepted you as its rider yet, not to mention the even greater increase of difficulty due to your inability to have even heard the words to it before. Still, the white shine of your pendant is unmistakable.

After you release your spell, his curiosity bests his pride, so he stays where he is, watching your every move. You walk over to give him a few gentle strokes along his side-- a friendly, and non-invasive spot to pet.

‘I’m going to get on now, okay?’ you sign.

Your professor translates, and Hyunjin lets out another grunt and flies off.

“What did I expect? I really hope he comes around before he can’t graduate,” your professor sighs and goes to check on her other students. You’ll figure it out, she hopes.

Flying alone makes him feel weightless and free. Although your earlier spell was impressive, it scared him, knowing there is someone who can control his muscles like that. So what if he isn’t able to make quick turns or fly in the same spot? He is a Twilight Terror; he can just blast away anything in his path.

He flies towards a nearby pole to prove his point. He gathers all his frustration and insecurity into a ball of plasma and condemns the approaching obstacle into obliteration.

Wait. Approaching?

Hyunjin’s eyes widen as he realizes that the pole is only one of many rotating ones on a gear-like contraption, and the next one is coming faster than he can react on his own. Suddenly, his muscles feel a sharp burst of energy and pivots his body just barely under the incoming barrier. His tail is left behind, however. It jerks uncontrollably behind him as the situation becomes more dire.

Hyunjin lets out a worthless roar in your direction, demanding that you get your spells together quickly. You cannot hear him, but you understood his message. Honestly, you are disappointed with your lack of ability, but you simply are not used to working with a dragon with only half its fin, especially from a distance. Still, that is no excuse for you not to be able to save him.

At the last Hollywood-like second, you manage to get Hyunjin out of harm’s way. He looks at you incredulously before flying a clear path towards you and turning human just as he lands. It’s only then that he notices how pristine your white riding uniform is. The underside of your coattails, the area most easily burned during fights, flaunt a brilliant crimson colour. Either you’ve just purchased the outfit or you are just that good at riding.

With your professor gone, Hyunjin snatches the notepad from your coat to communicate.

‘How did you conjure spells like that?’ he scribbles and pushes the words into your face.

You take the pad back. ‘Let me on your back and you’ll see.’

Hyunjin scoffs at the idea. ‘Why didn’t you use them on me last night?’ he asks, referring to your rather pathetic attempts of holding his tail down with your physical body.

‘It wasn’t time yet. I don’t control dragons when I’m not supposed to. That’s abusive.’

Abusive? Hyunjin narrows his eyes, unsure whether or not you are lying. Why not use your powers when you have them, especially when you can control dragons who haven’t sworn their loyalty to you and from a distance no less.

‘Who are you?’ he decides to ask.

You smile when you read his words. Eagerly you scribble your response. ‘Your friend who’s going to take you to the Race!’

Hyunjin rips off the page once he’s read it, crumples it, and tosses it at your black boots. “I’ve not entered that thing once in all the years I’ve been here,” he snarls in your ear, not caring that you can’t hear him. “No rider has ever been able to be my rider, let alone a friend.”

As he tries to walk off once again, you pull on his sleeve.

“What?” he whips around angrily.

You reach forward to press something into his mouth. It doesn’t take long for him to recognize the familiar sweetness of an appai berry. You hand him the page he threw at you, now with the words ‘good work!’ written on the back, and walk off the practice grounds, leaving him behind this time.

“Where did you get that?”

“Get what?” Changbin asks, popping another berry into his mouth and swirling his blue necklace around idly. A familiar red pouch sits besides him.

“This!” Hyunjin exclaims as he snatches the pouch before his roommate can grab another one.

“Dude, chill. It was just hanging on the door knob when I came home. Are they yours?”

“No,” he replies curtly.

“Hey! Then give them back!” yells Changbin after his friend as the latter makes his way back out again.

It doesn't take long for Hyunjin to find your dorm room. The look of excitement across your features when you open the door to see him only fuels his anger.

“What is this?” he yells. “You think bribery is going to work?”

Your blank stare causes him to drag his hand down his face in frustration. Without a choice, he writes on your white board, ‘I don’t want any of your bribes’ and tosses the pouch at you.

You grab his wrist to prevent him from leaving as you write, ‘If you don’t want bribes, then earn it.’

“What?” he vocalizes. You understood that.

‘Earn the berries like you did today.’

‘This is ridiculous. I’m not a child.’

‘Then think of it as an add-on. You want to know how I work my spells, don’t you? Just try letting me on you, and you’ll find out AND get appai berries. It’s a win-win.’

‘Don’t you get it? I’m NOT letting a rider on my back.’

‘I’m not asking you to swear loyalty to me. Consider it a favor.’

‘And what makes you think I’d do you a favor?’

‘Because we’re friends! :D’

Hyunjin wipes away your emoji with his hand. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

For the next few days, while you are trying to coax him into a ride, Hyunjin has been trying to figure out your spellcasting methods by himself in the library. By his reasoning, there aren't too many riders who can control dragons who don’t let them, so the school journalists must have done an article about you somewhere sometime during your career at Sheng.

“Changbin, can you get the door?” he calls with an arm full of borrowed newspapers and magazines.

“Yeah, sure. One second.”

“Thanks,” Hyunjin nods once the door swings open. He nearly drops all the manuscripts once he sees who else is inside the room though.

“What is she doing here?” he gestures accusingly at you with his head.

You wave innocently at him then beckon Changbin to sit back next to you.

“I’m helping her sketch a blueprint of a model of your tail so that she can practice on it since, you know, you won’t let her practice on you,” replies Changbin.

‘Thank you,’ you sign.

‘My pleasure.’

“You sign?” Hyunjin scoffs.

“She’s taught me a few things,” the other male shrugs. ‘He’s such a soggywog,’ he signs to you.

You giggle, which surprises the Terror since it’s the first sound he has heard from your mouth. It’s more pleasant than what he imagined a deaf person is able to muster, but again, it’s another fact he would rather not dwell on.

“What did you say to her?” he demands, to which his roommate shrugs and shares a knowing smile with you.

‘I think it’s about as good as it can get,’ Changbin writes, turning back to the blueprint.

‘I’ll get to building it then,’ you write back and give him a quick hug as thanks before signing your goodbyes.

“You two sure got close,” Hyunjin notes as his friend closes the door behind you.

“She’s nice, so why not?” Changbin conjures a red pouch of berries from seemingly nowhere and starts munching on one. “They’re mine this time. Hands off.”

Hyunjin waves him off and spreads newspapers on the desk you have just vacated. “Anyway. I’m trying to figure out how Y/N is casting her spells. Want to help me?”

“Nope! She’s also going to constrict half of my tail and practice riding me, so I’ll find out sooner or later.”

“And I don’t suppose you’ll be telling me afterwards.”

“You’re so smart, Hyunjinie~” he coos mockingly.

“I’m telling your rider you’re cheating on him with another rider.”

“Oh, Chan already knows,” Changbin tells him. “He’s riding with her in case something goes wrong.”

“When did this happen?” the younger one wonders aloud.

“When you were busy avoiding your rider,” Changbin answers. “Not that I understand why. She’s so nice and pretty.”

“She’s not my--”

“Oh right, it’s cause you already have Hye Ji!”

“Seo Changbin!”

Hyunjin isn’t curious about what you can do about a broken tail like his. He isn’t! The only reason that he is hiding in one of the corners of the practice grounds is because he likes it there. Yeah, totally!

He sees you and Chan step back from Changbin as the dragon takes on his reptilian form.

‘Beautiful,’ he sees you sign towards the Death Fangs and get started fitting a contraption that will constrict the movement of the left half of his tail.

Chan helps you up and then gets on behind you himself, and your white necklace begins to glow as Changbin lifts up off the ground. Hyunjin frowns when Chan laughs upon figuring out your trick. Your lips are moving but not in a way the common spells would require them too. If you aren’t saying the spell words, what are you saying?

Just then, your magic flickers a centimeter too far to one side, sending Changbin into a spinning spiral. Hastily, you pull on a string to release the constriction and increase your magic to steady the dragon. Chan helps, and a mix of blue and white ribbons of magic surrounds the three of you until Changbin is upright again.

During your increase in powers, Hyunjin can make out your chants. No, not chants, singing! How has he not noticed how you place a hand over your voice box to feel the vibrations as you ride? Rather than using different words for different spells, you use different frequencies!

Chan has Changbin land with his arms around you much tighter than they were before the accident. Given the possible outcomes of what just happened, the tightness is warranted, but not in Hyunjin’s opinion.

‘I’m sorry,’ you sign once you have dismounted.

‘No worries. It’s why we’re practicing,’ Chan assures.

Of course the prefect knows how to sign too.

Changbin lets you reattach the constriction, and you are in the air again in no time with Chan right behind you. By the end of the session, you are able to maneuver Changbin through the easy course without any incidents. With satisfied nods, the three of you decide to make your way to the dining hall for dinner together while Chan bombards you with questions about your technique.

Hyunjin steps out of his hiding spot after you have left nothing but the memory of the white of your uniform behind. He doesn’t even realize how sore his legs have become from standing in the same spot for so long until he moves. Something about your riding is that enchanting that he forgets just how much time has passed. He wonders how you haven’t been able to find a single article about you yet.

“Hyunjin?”

“Hye Ji? What are you doing here?” He whips around to face the yellow dragon.

“Just out for a little air,” she replies with a sweet smile. “Want to fly with me?”

“I, uh, just finished training. I was just heading in for a shower,” Hyunjin lies.

“Come on, just a little bit?”

“I’m really tired, sorry,” Hyunjin tries, unconsciously moving the muscles that would hide his tail behind his back if he had one at the moment.

“Then I’ll carry you!” offers Hye Ji. “I tried it with my girl friends once. It’s really fun.”

“Your rider’s not here!”

The girl shrugs. “We can take the easy course. Come on, please?”

Before long, Hyunjin finds himself on top of the dragon fifty meters above the ground.

“Hold on!”

She is right about one thing: this is really fun. Until they fly a little too close to a beam for his liking.

“Watch out!” Hyunjin yells.

If he had been flying by himself, he would certainly not have been able to avoid it. Just then, he imagines you are sitting behind him, taking him from harm’s way as Hye Ji swoops naturally over the pole. Then suddenly, he is you. He is seeing the exact path you took not minutes ago with a broken tail swaying in the wind behind you. He looks to the side at how comfortable Hye Ji’s wings are without having to compensate for an imbalanced tail.

He then closes his eyes and feels the wind blow effortlessly pass him. It’s a nostalgic feeling-- one he very much enjoyed years ago. He remembers flying without a care of where he is or where he’s going. He remembers flying without having to prove anything to himself or anyone. Most of all, he remembers flying with the laughter in his ears. Laughter from his--

His rider.

The thought jolts Hyunjin’s entirety. Being unaccustomed to riding, the motion jerks his body to the side of Hye Ji where he loses his footing and slips and begins an all to familiar journey to the ground.

He chants the transformation spell to soften his landing with his wings.

“Beautiful,” Hye Ji breaths at Hyunjin’s deep purple scales. “I-I mean, I’m sorry about dropping you!”

The male shakes off the dust and returns to human form before she can see his tail, especially after she has just witnessed him face planting into the floor. Again.

“It was my fault,” Hyunjin says with a shake of his head. “I think it’s time I go back for that shower.”

“Wait! Don’t you want a ride? The dorms are very far from here,” she offers.

“No thanks. I’ll walk back.”

“I said I’m sorry!”

Hyunjin turns around to give her a small smile. “Don’t worry. It wasn’t you; I just have a few things to sort out myself.”

“I think I’m in love.”

Hyunjin raises an eyebrow at his roommate who’s sprawled across his bed. “Just from one ride?”

“She’s just… that amazing, you know?” he sighs exasperatedly.

“You’ve fallen one too many times today, haven’t you?”

Changbin sits up. “I’m just kidding, you know.”

“Good. You had me really worried there for a second,” Hyunjin chuckles with a shake of his head and turns back to his math homework.

“You don’t have to worry. I’m not going to play Chan dirty like that.”

Hyunjin looks up at his friend. “What about Chan?”

“S-M-I-T-T-E-N. She’s going to be in a lotta trouble with his fangirls. You know, since he’s head prefect and all.”

“He’s known her for one day,” Hyunjin objects with the shake of his head.

“At least he doesn’t avoid her like the plague.”

“I’m not trying to cozy up to that rider.”

“YOUR rider.”

“She’s not my--”

“Seriously, Hyunjin?” Changbin snaps. “How long are you going to go about that idea? You realize that riders get graded on how well they control their dragons, right? You might not care about not graduating or whatever, but have you thought about them? Do you know how many riders quit this school because they’ve been paired with you and your attitude? Do you realize how many of their hopes and dreams you’ve ruined?”

“I--”

“Yeah, sure your future isn’t what you want it to be because of your tail, and I’m guessing it’s some rider’s fault, but don’t you see that you’re doing the same thing to other people?”

“So what if I’m projecting my pain onto them?” Hyunjin retorts. “I’m a selfish, vengeful, futureless dragon. Maybe I should drop out myself to spare some rider from a poor, unfortunate fate of flying a half-tailed lizard!”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“You’re right, it’s not. You just want to protect your rider’s little girlfriend because she’s strong and pretty and bribes you with berries.”

“No, I want to protect you, Hyunjin,” Changbin states plainly. “Y/N is unlike any rider I’ve ever seen before, and I really think she can help you feel like who you were before. Just give her a chance.”

Hyunjin opens his mouth but is unable to find a counter reply. Changbin sighs and ruffles the younger dragon’s hair before heading to bed.

~ ad.gold

#Hyunjin #stray kids #skz #dragons #hwang hyunjin #bang chan #changbin #stray kids senarios #skz fic #stray kids fic #stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #hyunjing fic #deaf reader #20200707

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