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suchalonelysunflower · 3 years

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Be Alright (l.h)

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x Fem!Reader

Requested: Yes!

Summary: You go on tour with Luke and the boys for the first time, but things don’t go as planned as you try to fit in.

Warnings: Angst with Fluff. Anxiety, panic attacks, low self esteem. Language. Hostility. Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count: 6.9 k

Author’s Note: This fic takes place after the pandemic. It deals with anxiety and panic attacks, but please remember that the symptoms as well as what the person experiences it’s always different, this is just how I see and experience these cases. Please, if you want to learn more about them get informed by a reliable source. Remember that Reblogs, Comments, Likes and Feedback are much appreciated and you don’t know how much it helps me! ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🌻🦋✨

My materialist // wanna be part of my taglist?

Picture taken from Pinterest

@theshyspy : (...) So I was wondering if you could write something with Luke or cal (whoever feels most natural?) where the reader just gets really anxious and he takes care of her and calms her down? maybe making sure she eats and/ or drinks enough, that she gets some rest, perhaps he sings for her? Idk just some fluff🤷🏼‍♀️ (It’s totally ok if you don’t want to, or don’t feel comfortable writing it !! I know it can be triggering for some people so just leave it if it bothers you in any way!!🙆🏼‍♀️💕)

The feeling of an ice-cold touch shook you out of your dreamless sleep. You nearly jumped out of your seat before remembering where you were and what you were doing.

The light came through the small window, illuminating your seats and the small aisle that separated you from your friends. The air conditioner was turned off and you made a mental note to thank Luke later, he knew how cold you get on these travels.

Speaking of “Why are your hands so damn cold?!” You scolded your boyfriend as you rub your eyes, trying to wake up and steady your heartbeat from the scare you just got.

Luke just pressed his lips in a thin line, not wanting to laugh at your sudden reaction but also not to smile like an idiot due to your sleepy state. Even after a 15-hour flight you still looked cute as hell in his eyes.

“Sorry, love,” He said with a smile once you looked at him “I was having a drink, and then came time to wake you up. I didn’t notice my hands were cold”

You murmured some gibberish close to an ‘okay’ and yawned “How long was I out?”

Luke cringed “20 minutes”

“What?!”

It was no surprise, you could never sleep well in places that were not a proper bed. You didn’t want to think about how it would be like to sleep in a bunk next to your six-foot-four Australian boyfriend.

“I thought I slept longer” You pouted “Although it didn’t feel like much”

“Another bad dream?” He asked, placing his head on your shoulder as he intertwined his fingers with yours, slowly playing with them.

“A lack thereof, actually,” You said, yawning again “But don��t worry, I’ll sleep when we get to the hotel”

Luke smiled and brought your hands to his lips, softly placing a kiss on your knuckles as you cuddled next to him.

Your heart was beating loud and you hoped he wouldn’t notice, or if he did then he did not say anything and you were grateful. It was stressful enough to travel on tour for the first time and to know that you might bring him down with your anxious overthinking was not doing great with you.

Luckily, your mind grew quiet as Calum popped his head from the seat in front of you.

“Excited for your first tour?” He asked with a grin. He looked brand new, and as you looked around you realized they all do. For a moment there you had to remind yourself that this is what they do for a living.

“Mmh hmm” You hummed, head still placed over Luke’s while you played with his hair “Kinda nervous, though” You admitted.

“Why?” This time it was Ashton the one who asked, popping his head from the seats next to yours as he joined the conversation “It’s going to be fun! Like a big road trip” He chuckled.

“Yeah but-” Your voice was cut out by the pilot who announced over the speakers your arrival at the airport.

You thought about sharing your fears with the boys, given that this was your first time flying across the world with them you didn’t exactly know what to expect and you were scared to find that out in the worst situations. But then, how could they know? After all, how much pressure could they have when they pretty much secured the love of everyone? You, however, were just the girlfriend and it almost felt like you have to earn that place on tour.

The fans will be looking at them but criticizing you. It’s not like it would be your first time dealing with it since you went public with your relationship, God knows it’s not easy dealing with that But it won’t be just them this time, there’s also the paparazzi, the crew, the boys themselves even if they don’t notice; they are all expecting you to be ready and up for it, perfect all the time. Not to mention the stress of traveling and the schedules, the jet lag and the-

Once again your thoughts were put on pause before you could finish overthinking them as you felt Luke shake next to you. You met his gaze but he was looking to the side, trying hard to stiffen his laughter as Ashton dropped an ice cube into Michael's back under his shirt, waking him up with a jump and a mix of curses.

You shook your head and laughed along with them. You should be thankful for having them, after all, they are your friends and they could help you manage all of those pits of anxiety that started to grow. Anything could happen on this tour and, at least you know that you won’t be bored.

Luke helped you with your carry-out and let you walk in front of him, all while placing his hands on the sides of your waist and walking -or actually more like waddling along with you. You giggled as he placed his head on top of yours, making it difficult to walk for the both of you but he wasn’t going to let go. That’s one of the things you love about him; he is never afraid to show his affection and be close to you, almost in a protective manner. You feel safe with him and you know the feeling is mutual.

You laughed with the rest of the boys as you made your way to claim your luggage, joking around and teasing each other much to the annoyance of the other passengers. You felt how Luke’s chest rumbled with laughter, and in the few quiet moments, you got while waiting for your bags he managed to hold you closer and press little kisses around your forehead and cheeks, making you giggle in his tight embrace. You almost forgot how tired you were from the flight.

Almost. But your body had a different plan.

As your bags were taking their sweet time, you could hear the distant voices of the boys drifting away from you. Slowly, you began to drift away too, your eyelids becoming heavy as you struggled to stay up. Soon enough, the notices became a light buzzing sound inside your head.

“Y/N?” Luke asked as he felt you become heavier on his grip “Baby?” He looked down at your face and saw you fight to get your eyes open and failed to do so as they kept shutting without your permission.

He cringed as he saw your tired face, knowing that he was once again tasked with the job of waking you up. If it were up to him, he would’ve carried you in his arms all the way to the van just for you to get some sleep. But it was common for them for fans to welcome them in the airport accompanied by some paparazzi who tried to get a bad shot out of them and, despite his wishes for you to be completely rested and healthy, he needed to wake you up.

“Y/N, are you alright, love?” He asked whispering in your ear, rubbing his hands up and down your arms hoping that in that way he could somehow share some of his energy with you.

You quickly came back to your senses once you felt Luke’s arms leave your waist and hold you by your shoulders and elbows. A red flush covered your face as you realized where you were standing -and almost falling, asleep.

“Y-yeah,” You said, standing up straight as you pull away from his hold, somehow trying to prove your point “I’m just-“

“Tired. Yeah, it’s okay” Luke reassured you as he came closer and wrapped you in his arms by the waist “I was just like you when I experienced my first jet lag. It will go away”

You scoffed “Yeah? In how long?”

“In like four months when we get home” He teased, immediately bursting into laughter when he saw you glare at him.

You slightly punched his chest, mocking anger. But soon enough you found yourself laughing along “I think I just need to eat something”

Luke stopped laughing, replacing his smile with a concerned gaze “Didn’t you eat on the plane?”

“I couldn’t. I tried to eat while you were asleep, but my stomach just rejected the food so I chose to wait until we were on land”

Luke shook his head and was about to say something when Calum interrupted him to give you both your bags.

“Those were the last ones,” He said “We need to get going”

Luke nodded as he watched him walk away, turning to you once he was out of sight.

You could feel his worried stare, but you just smiled at him as you placed your hand on his cheek “Don’t worry love. I can buy something from here and then eat some real food at the hotel if that would make your worries go away”

He just sighed and nodded. You smiled reassuringly at him and brought him closer to peck his lips “Love you”

“Love you, too,” He said with a love fool grin “Ready to start the tour?” He asked excitedly.

You nodded enthusiastically as you grabbed his hand and started walking along with him towards the gates, feeling ready to face up anything.

Well, you weren’t ready to face up to what ensued.

As soon as those gates opened you were bombarded with flashes of cameras and screams from thousands of people.

Fans were gathered outside the airport gates, waiting for their favorite band to arrive. Of course, this led to the paparazzi being there as well, waiting to get an inside scoop of the boys’ first arrival on their world tour after the pandemic.

There were too many people for you to be able to see more than three meters in front of you. All of them were shouting Luke’s name as he tried to make his way out of there and lead you to safety.

You lifted your gaze and saw how he was smiling at the fans, waving with his free hand as his grip on your hand became tighter. Strangers were approaching the both of you very quickly, pushing their way to the front as they asked and demanded a picture of an autograph.

Your personal space was becoming smaller and smaller as they pushed through you, trying to separate you from your boyfriend’s grip. They bumped your shoulder and kicked your sides with elbows and frantic arms. You felt your voice getting drowned out as you called for Luke, hoping that he could hear you over the commotion and come help you out.

It all happened so fast. Luke let go of your hand by accident for just one second as he tried to look back at you. His heart shattered as he struggled to find your eyes in the crowd of pleas and flashing cameras “Y/N?!” He called, trying to appear calm in front of those strangers, but on the inside he was desperate, kicking himself over and over for ever letting go of your hand.

And then, he heard it “Luke!”

Your eyes were wide and filled with tears as people pushed through you to get to him. His eyes filled with regret as he sucked on a breath and walked towards you, easily making his way back as all of the people who were standing there stepped aside to let him through. No one pushed him, no one yelled at him for stepping into their place. No one dared to disrespect him as they disrespected you.

In a matter of seconds, Luke was standing in front of you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer to him. You felt like you could breathe again.

“You okay?” He asked, mumbling as he kissed your head. You heard the faintest “aww” coming from the fans witnessing this little gesture and confusing with something cute instead of what it was: he was shielding you from them, protecting you while comforting you the best he could. Yet, all you could hear was Luke’s beating heart as you hid your face in his chest.

“Let’s get out of here,” Luke said, tensing his whole body as he pulled you to the side, not letting go of his grip to your waist as you walked rapidly towards the exit.

You both ignored the calls and flashed from your surroundings. You could feel your breathing becoming heavier as you tried to keep up with his steps, not really relaxing until you saw the van’s door opening and Calum making space for the both of you.

You jumped inside the car and Luke quickly followed, closing the door and letting out a breath he was holding.

“So…” Ashton said, breaking the silence after they drove away “That was fun. Nothing like a little chaos to start the tour”

For the first time in your life, you wanted to punch his face. Your heart was still beating loudly inside your chest and they were all so calm. It truly seemed like they didn’t care that you just went through one of the scariest experiences of your life.

Yeah, you know you might be exaggerating. But it’s your first flight with the boys, first time in a foreign country, first time with a multitude of fans and photographers where they all pushed you to get to your boyfriend. And they were all fine? Like it wasn’t a big deal? And they say it was fun?

The chattering continued, all three of them talking about the fans they saw and how they reacted to them. Joking around and teasing each other for various reasons. No one noticed how your hands were shaking or how you didn’t say a word since you got up in the car.

You tried to steady your breath and to hide your hands somewhere until they were cool. You still feel a sting where one girl elbowed you, knowing it might leave a bruise. You tried to close your eyes and think about nice things to get you off your mind for a while, but all you could see was how Luke drifted away from you, going farther and farther as you lost sight of him; and no matter how hard you yelled his name, your voice was drowned and lost among all the others.

The tears started to pick up in your eyes and you held them back as hard as you could. You needed to be strong, this is just the first stop of the tour and you needed to toughen up if you want to keep up. You just hoped you could do it before anyone noticed it.

Luke was sitting beside you, not participating in the conversation of his bandmates, but rather he was looking at you and how your leg bounced up and down in a rapid motion.

He knew your mind must be going ten miles per hour at this moment. You weren’t used to this whole lifestyle and for that to be your first experience must be nerve-wracking. He wished he could just erase all those bad feelings and bring you the comfort you deserve.

“Hey,” He finally said, softly enough for you to hear as he leaned closer to you. Your eyes quickly snapped in his direction, finding some kind of peace in his baby blue eyes “Are you okay?”

He knew the answer was no, but he also knew you would never admit that, so it was no surprise when you smiled at him and nodded. Only this time the smile didn’t reach your eyes like they always do.

“You know just… a bit tired, that’s all,” You said, not wanting to worry him. But it was a little bit late for that and you noticed that the instant he furrowed his brows and gave you the ‘I know you’re lying’ look.

“Are you sure? Because that out there was pretty crazy and-“

“I’m fine, Luke” You reassured him, scooting closer to him and leaning against his frame. He immediately rounded his arm around your shoulder and started drawing circles on your skin with his thumb “I don’t really want to talk about it right now. I just need you close for a while, is that okay?”

Luke sighed and held you tighter “Yeah, of course, love. Whatever you need. You should try to get some sleep, I’m sorry we couldn’t buy you anything to eat back in the airport”

You look around you. All the boys were singing and joking around, not paying attention to you and Luke; making it difficult for you to just drift back to sleep.

“No, don’t worry. I’m okay. I’ll eat and sleep when we get to the hotel”

You watched the scenery pass by as the car drove you to your destination. You tried to focus on the conversations going around you, but you were too distracted by the beauty of it all.

It amazed you how after such a scary experience could come such comfort; you were surrounded by your best friends and your lover, experiencing new things and memories you knew you needed to treasure forever.

From time to time you could feel Luke staring at you, almost like he wanted to make sure you were okay and you would reassure him with soft smiles and little pecks on the cheeks as the other guys reminisced about their previous times abroad.

Suddenly, the car came to a stop and you found yourselves parked in a huge parking lot. You looked at Luke with a confused expression and he did the same. You didn’t know where you were.

“Uh, why are we stopping?” He asked as Calum and Ashton opened their doors and stepped out of the van.

“Because we are here?” Michael asked, not getting his friend’s confusion.

“This is the hotel?” You asked.

“This is the venue…” Michael said, pulling a lever so he could push Calum’s seat out of the way and step outside “We are not going to the hotel till tonight”

“What?!” Luke half asked, half yelled.

“Yeah, dude. We’re behind schedule so we need to do a quick soundcheck and then hop in the car and go do a couple of interviews in radio stations… did you not read the email?”

Luke facepalmed himself “No…” He lamented as he rubbed his face with the palm of his hand, then he looked at you with apologetic eyes “Oh my god, Y/N. I’m so sorry, love”

“It’s okay, Luke” It was not okay, you really wanted to take a nap and a shower before the show. But you couldn’t have avoided this at any cost and it wasn’t his fault at all, so there was no need to bring him down because of this.

“No! Of course, it’s not okay. You need to rest and eat a proper meal. This is it fair to you and I’m so sorry”

You could tell that he was kicking himself inside his head and you hated to see him all worked up and anxious. It broke your heart to see him so frustrated with himself.

Your palms cupped his face and made him look at you “Luke, baby. It’s fine, I promise. It will be fun! Plus, I can always nap on the couch” But he didn’t look conceived at all “I’ll be fine”

He sighed “Promise you will eat something there? And drink some water?”

You nodded with a smile “I promise. Now go! You have a soundcheck to kill” You winked at him and pecked his lips before jumping out of the van.

“What would I do without you?”

After the quick soundcheck, the boys changed clothes and got ready for an afternoon filled with interviews and quick appearances. It was going to be a wild ride, so you opted out of staying in the venue until they got back.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Luke asked for the tenth time.

“Of course she will!” Intervened Ashton “She’s Y/N/N, she can take care of herself”

You rolled your eyes at him and stared back at your boyfriend “I’ll be fine, love. I’ll just stay right here and maybe I’ll take a nap”

“And you know where the catering room is?”

You certainly didn’t, but he didn’t need to know that right now. You would manage well enough.

“Yes, dad” You teased

“Y/N!” Luke mocked a shocked expression “Not in front of the boys!”

You scoffed and lightly pushed him in the chest “You pig! Not everything has to be dirty!”

“You started it!”

“Go!” You laughed, kissing him one last time “Give your fans some content”

You saw the four of them walk through the door and you let out an exhausted breath. This is the first time you allowed yourself to relax since you boarded the plane almost 24 hours ago and you were beyond tired at this point.

How did they do it? Fly across the world and still look like superstars, what kind of deal did they make, and with whom?

You looked around the green room, your eyes landing on your reflection. You physically cringed at the image in front of you; dark heavy bags rested under your eyes and your hair, although pulled back, seemed oily and tangled in knots; your clothes had wrinkles in them and you seriously regretted sending your luggage directly to the hotel, leaving you with this shirt, a hoodie, and your black jeans.

A sigh escaped your lips as you tried to think of nice things; things that would keep your mind out of overthinking every single detail that has gone wrong since the minute you left home. How were you supposed to prove that you belong on the tour if you couldn’t even handle the first day? You needed to gain your energy back before the guys came back, and what better medicine than a little nap?

You moved Ashton’s heavy bag from one corner of the couch and laid on your back, but the awaited relief never came. You tossed and turned in different positions, hissing every time the warm leather glued itself to your skin only for it to be peeled off with every movement.

The sounds from outside of the room grew louder as the crew hurried to put everything in its place on time for the show. People were running in and outside the green room, not paying attention to you laying on the couch trying to find an ounce of sleep as they focused on their tasks.

You don’t know how long it’s been and, honestly, you’re afraid to ask. It was clear that you were not going to get any sleep here, not while everyone’s acting frantic because of a scheduling mishap and not while your mind is still preoccupied trying to keep up instead of relaxing as Luke told you to do.

You tried one last time to get at least a five-minute nap, but it was almost impossible. You opened your eyes with a groan and got up, so frustrated that you didn’t even feel the burn on your skin when you separated yourself from the uncomfortable couch.

The second your feet touched the ground and you lifted yourself on your feet, everything started to spin. You felt how your blood seemed to have disappeared from your body, leaving only a carcass that couldn’t stand for itself, making you fall on your ass back into the couch.

You felt nauseous, but the growling in your stomach reminded you that you haven’t eaten in all day. You had to eat something before you passed out, but the mere thought of eating made you feel even dizzier if that was possible.

You counted to ten, ignoring the way your head pounded with loud warnings and stood up. It took you a few seconds to find your balance again, but once you started walking you felt like you couldn’t stop.

You got out of the room, not really knowing where the catering was but you were determined to get there. You couldn’t let Luke and the rest see you like that, so weak and pathetic. It’s just day one and you are already passing out? How stupid is that!

The loud bangs in your head increased with every step you took, soon becoming voices that screamed inside your mind, drowning every ounce of clarity you might have; turning to the right and then to the left, then to the end of the hallway and back to the right. Did you even know where you were going?

Did you even know why you were here?

It was bound to happen, sooner or later, that Luke would ask you to accompany him on tour. Bet he is regretting that decision now. You tried, you really tried to be the supporting girlfriend, but how could you be of any support when you were the one who needed it? He didn’t come here to be your nanny and yet all he’s done is worry about you! You should be able to take care of yourself, yet you can’t even do that for him.

What a terrible girlfriend you were. He will surely break up with you and send you back home on the next flight. He didn’t need this kind of energy, this cloud of darkness you were becoming, ready to drown out his light with your problems. If only you could do better for him. For Luke.

Luke, the simple thought of him brought you to the brink of tears. You loved him so much, so much that it hurt to love him yet at the same time it was the best comfort in the world just to be standing by his side. You wanted to be by his side and never let go, but you were pushing away from him. Your mind and meaningless needs were separating you from him, telling you that he deserves someone better, more equipped to handle the lifestyle you weren’t ready for.

He is the brightest star in the universe and you are just a firefly, trying hard to be something you’d never be and everyone can see it. The fans see it, the media sees it and even your friends will someday. They will realize that you were nothing more than a girl who just hoped she could be enough but ended up becoming one more burden to carry with.

You couldn’t survive out here, not right now, and not without Luke. You are falling and you feel like if you stay you might drown him with you. You were disappointing him right now, pacing around the-

Where the fuck were you?

The voice inside your head died down as you didn’t recognize the place where you were standing.

You were supposed to be on your way to catering, and you were… but you didn’t know where it was and now you don’t know where you are.

Great.

The screams of the fans reverberated through the walls of the narrow hallway, you only now realize that the doors must be open and the show is about to start. You brought a hand to your back pocket, thinking about calling Luke and telling him your situation and asking him how to get to where they were. But your pockets were flat and your phone was nowhere to be seen, you must’ve left it in the greenroom.

“Fuck!” You yelled, voice hoarse from not having drunk anything since this morning. You looked to your left and there was just a blank wall staring back at you with no way out. You thought about going back, but you weren’t paying attention to where you were heading, so you risked the fact of getting more lost before someone could find you.

Fuck it.

You turned around and started walking, faster and faster. You were almost jogging through the deserted hallways trying to find your way back. You were panicking with every turn, every curve. To the right, then left, then a left, and a right again. You could hear the faintest riff of a guitar, so you speed up your pace. Your exhaustion had nothing compared to the fear in the pit of your stomach, you needed to get back. You needed to be there for Luke, to find your way back.

The desperation you held inside made you ignore the tears that were spilling out of your eyes without permission. You didn’t want to be alone anymore in a place you don’t know. You are sure your mind is playing tricks on you, making the hallways longer and the seconds everlasting, constantly repeating in your head how you were nothing more than a little lost girl who was playing something she shouldn’t. Something she wouldn’t ever be.

People passed you as you turned around corners, your heart beating loud as you recognized some faces from the crew, getting closer and closer to where you were supposed to be.

And finally, you arrived.

You let out a breath, you didn’t know if it was from relief or just a way to drown out the sob that was threatening to come out. You made a move to open the door but you noticed your hands were shaking. A cold feeling ran through your body, making you shiver as you wiped your sweaty palms on the front of your jeans. You were so close but why did you feel so far away? Drifting and drifting further and further….

What was happening?

“Y/N?”

You heard your name being called by a familiar voice. You lifted your head and saw Michael standing at the door of the green room, his eyes scanning you carefully. You swore you could see a hint of fear in them. He quickly moved out of the way, opening the door wider so you could step in.

You lifted your gaze, your teary eyes meeting Luke’s as he stood in the middle of the room, pacing back and forward with his phone in his hand, gripping it so tightly you thought it might crack.

“There you are!” He said, pressing a button on his screen. He was smiling, relief visible on his features as his eyes took you in “I’ve been looking for you, the opening band already started playing and- Y/N?”

Suddenly, everything stopped. Luke’s eyes denoted fear as he saw you collapse to your knees the moment you stepped into the room. He saw everything happen in slow motion: the way you wrapped your arms around your stomach; the shaking of your entire frame as you let out a heavy breath mixed with a sob; and the tears in your eyes as you tried to make sense of what was happening to you.

He acted fast. In one swift move, he was kneeling in front of you, taking you in his arms as he pulled you closer to his chest “She’s having a panic attack!” He said, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, but none of his friends moved as they were still shocked by the image of you falling into the ground.

“Michael!” He called, remembering that people act better in an emergency if given direct orders “Go find a doctor. Ashton, bring her something to eat. And Calum, find water and soda. She’s dehydrated and needs some sugar”

All three of them didn’t think twice before jumping out of their seats and running through the halls to find those things for you. But you couldn't hear any of that.

“I’m sorry,” You cried, over and over again “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

“Shh, love” Luke cooed, lifting you and sitting back down on the couch, placing you on his lap as he rocked you back and forwards “It’s okay love. Nothing to be sorry for, I’m here. I’m here”

You kept crying into his chest, struggling to breathe as every sob seemed to tear your throat in two. You knew Luke was touching you, but you couldn’t feel his hands anywhere as you shook through your cries.

“Baby- Y/N, listen to me. Okay?” He said with a calming voice, completely contrasting how he was feeling inside “Listen to my voice, baby. Breathe with me, okay? One,” He inhaled deeply, his finger tracing a line up your back so you could follow him “Two” He exhaled, bringing his finger down “Good, do that again, please? One, two”

He was trying so hard not to panic along with you. Seeing you so frail in his arms made his heart break into a million pieces. He didn’t know what was going on in your mind or why or what you were apologizing for. All he knows is that he would do anything not to hear your broken cries again, so desperate and hopeless. He would do anything to make sure you are alright and safe.

You imitated Luke’s breathing pattern as close as you could. Breathing in and out every time he asked until you could feel his finger running up and down your spine, his touch finally bringing some comfort to your body and mind as they recognized him. They recognized home.

Your cries died down the moment Michael stepped through the door accompanied by a nurse, Ashton, and Calum who all brought some type of food and drink to lay down on the table.

Luke made some space so the nurse could sit down next to you, but he never once let go of you or stopped moving his finger on your back. He needed you to know that he was still here and he was not going anywhere.

“She seems good,” The nurse said after quickly giving you a check-up “It was just a panic attack. You did well in calming her down” He said to Luke, giving him a pat on the back “I’m gonna leave here some pills for her to take once she eats and drinks something, these will help with the body ache and headache she will feel later and also will help her sleep”

The four men thanked the nurse as Michael closed the door again. All eyes were fixed on you as you rested your head on Luke’s shoulder, eyes closed as your breathing became even and lighter again.

“Is that-? Is that a half-eaten burger?” Calum asked, pointing to the table filled with foods and drinks, and breaking the silence that had set upon them.

“I panicked!” Ashton answered.

“Could you guys give us a moment, please?” Luke asked, eyes never leaving your face as he held you closer. His friends nodded and walked out of the room, leaving the two of you alone.

“I’m sorry, bub,” You said, voice broken and soft.

You slowly opened your eyes and suddenly felt like crying again when you met Luke’s gaze. Surprised at the fact that he didn’t seem angry; all you could see in his eyes was a relief.

“Why are you sorry, love?” He asked, voice as soft as yours as he caressed your cheeks with the back of his free hand “You have nothing to apologize for. These things happen and we can’t really avoid them”

“No,” You said, pushing away from him as you separated from his lap and went to sit on the spot next to him.

Luke’s heart broke at your actions, but it completely shattered when he saw the tears picking up in your eyes again.

“I’m sorry for ruining everything” Your voice broke as you started talking “I’m sorry for being one more burden in this tour that hasn’t even started yet. Look at me! Not even a day in and I’m already falling apart! This is not what you expected of me, Luke and don’t try to deny it. I’ve disappointed you, the band, myself-”

“You did not do such a thing” He tried to say, but you weren’t listening.

“Maybe I’m not meant for this” Your words took his breath right out of his mouth, he didn’t like where this conversation was going “Maybe I’m better off at home. At least there I’m not embarrassing myself in airports or with your fans or with your bandmates and crew- I want to be someone you would be proud of but all I do is overthink every little thing that I forget the rest. I tried so hard to keep up, to prove to you and the others and even myself that I could belong here on tour; that I could live this life with ease as you all do and I just keep failing everyone. I love you, Luke. But I can’t stand the thought of slowing you or pulling you down with me, and you don’t deserve to be tied up with some mess like me-”

Your words were cut off by Luke’s lips clashing with yours. It took you a minute to respond and kiss him back, letting all your worries slip away for only one minute. Only one minute where you could pretend that everything was alright.

Luke pulled away first, placing his forehead against yours “You uplift me, Y/N”

“What?”

He cupped your cheeks, making you look at him as he spoke with such care and love.

“You could never bring me down, you are the one keeping me above the water, my love. I deserve to be with you as much as you deserve to be right here with us”

“Luke-”

“It’s my fault,” He said with a sad voice, you opened your mouth to say something but he beat you to it “Don’t try to deny it, Y/N. It’s true. I should’ve prepared you more for what was coming instead of throwing you into the lion's den without a single warning. I knew from the moment I saw your face in the crowd back at the airport that I had failed you, not the other way around. But you stayed, you pulled through and told me that it was okay when it clearly wasn’t. Y/N, you are stronger than any of us and much more caring and loving… I’m so proud of you and that I get to call you to mine that sometimes I can’t even believe it”

He carefully wiped a tear from your cheek, his heart fluttering with joy at seeing you smile back at him “I love you. And if you say that you are not ready for this, then I will book you a flight tonight. I don’t want to see you in pain, my love, even if you try to hide it. I couldn’t stand the thought of being the one who breaks you” He took a moment, thinking over his words “But if you decide to stay. I promise you I will make every single minute of it worth it. I’ll protect you better. I’ll do my best to take care of you the same way you take care of me. You’re my angel, Y/N. And I need you close”

Tears were falling down your eyes again as you pulled him closer into a hug. Luke quickly swung your legs over his lap and held you as tight as he could, almost fearing that you would slip off his embrace if he ever let you go.

You could hear him mumbling something as he rocked the two of you back and forwards again, this time to comfort you both. You pulled your head slightly from his chest so you could hear him better, he was singing the words from “Still”, your favorite Niall Horan’s song.

”Oh, we'll be alright

Oh, it'll be alright”

You always loved when he sang to you, always bringing you the sense of peace you so much needed.

But as you cuddled closer you noticed that not only was he singing, but you could also hear the guitar, the melody, the crowd…

Luke noticed your confusion and chuckled “I asked the opener to cover this song for us; for you. Wanted to surprise you on your first day”

You swore your smile couldn’t get bigger if you tried. Your eyes filled with tears as you chuckled “Well,” You said, sniffing as you knocked your forehead to his “I can’t wait to see what other surprises you got for the rest of the tour”

Luke’s eyes sparkled with the happiness of a little boy on Christmas day “You’re staying?”

You nodded “As long as you want me to”

“Forever, then” He smiled before connecting your lips with his once again. Letting go of all your worries, for all you could feel was love.

The concert was going great. You were convinced this was their best show up to date, but you were saying that since the tour began two months ago.

Luke stayed true to his promise of making everyday worth it. Although you knew that every day that you woke up next to him, whether it was in a bunk or a plane or a hotel bed, that it was worth more than enough. You were home, wherever you went, as long as you had him.

You smiled, laughed, and danced along with the songs on your side of the stage, looking proudly at your boyfriend who lived to do what he loved. But your favorite moment of the night was this; seconds before he started their next song, he would look for your eyes backstage and once he’s found you, he would smile at you and say.

“This is ‘Lover of mine’, everyone. Sing with your heart”

Tags : @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @sarcasticallywitty15 @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @notinthesameguey @bubblegum18 @myloverboyash @nicebasscalum @calumspupils

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ka-writes · 3 years

Text

——————

Welp sorry it be late, schools a bitch..

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Warning: murder, crime, cussing, depression, mentions of abuse, insanity.

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Inspired by:

Humans are Space Velociraptors

By:FreshRoses_InMyGarden_NeedTheRain

Some kids come from storks, others come from crashed spaceships

By: mmmajora

Home Again, Home Again

By: teeth_eater

All works can be found on Ao3

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Ao3 link:

Other fic:

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Incase you missed:

Chapter 1:

Chapter 7:

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Chapter 8: Some sort of remedy..

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Days turned into months which all ended in an ever growing pit of hopelessness.

Six months had passed since they lost the starlings. SIX fucking months, and not a damn sign that the Dream Team were even out there.

His eyes burned as he stared into the void for hours on end. The only thing keeping him from going out of the emergency hatch being the warm cup of coffee that somehow kept it’s warmth on the freezing ship.

His skin was flaky and sticky, yet he couldn’t be bothered to wash it. His stomach turned in pain, when was the last time he had eaten? His throat was sore from the coffee and his entire body complained about the stress.

The physical pain was nothing compared to the ache that seemed to seep from his core and into his bones and blood, making him more weak than physical health could ever compare too.

At this point tears were long forgotten, only leaving stains where they should be. It did nothing but cause more damage than good. His brain turned with thoughts that swore there would be vengeance for whoever stole his family.

The time had given him plans of what he would do. Most of them ending up with the starlings safe and the ship and inhabitants blown up in a painful death made by his favorite chemicals. There would be no time for them to escape and nothing would remain if he could help it.

Even then his mind was brought back to the sheer feeling of the empty void that was so easily accessible. No one could stop him if he tried, yet everything held him back.

He took a sip staring into the void, his mind buzzing with thoughts bouncing from topic to topic.

He remembered Tubbo’s eyes. The way they shone with a crave for knowledge, causing the kid to go into a fit every time Wilbur told him to go to bed.

He also remembered the distrust that gleamed in his eyes when he brought him back from that awful ship. The one that enviably broke the kid. The one that made his nature ever so careful not allowing the kid to trust anyone.

He couldn’t blame him. What Schlatt did caused his mind to forever be closed off.

He was worried for who Tubbo would blame. If it was Tommy, there would be too many issues that could cause them to fall in a different rabbit hole.

His mind wandered to the human. The bright and explosive human, that made the charred heart of Wilbur Soot turn. He had already grown attached to the kid. It had only been three days before they were ripped apart. It hurt much more than he thought it would.

His mind buzzed to the what if’s both good and bad. He took another sip. This time he stared into the void with admiration. His mind focused on plans and back ups. The details and potential failed choices. Trials and errors that only existed within the limits of his mind.

He didn’t move until Phil told him it was lunch. He pushed down the urge to hold back for another meal and ate the food offered.

He dragged a bean bag and coffee table to the spot and stared into the endless void. Continuing his train of thought, only pausing to answer questions from his family.

——————

“C’mon!” Tubbo whispered to the lacking Tommy who still couldn’t quite compete with the other’s agility. “The tracker says he’s in this room.”

They stalked silently to the door, having already memorized the creaks in the hallway. Tubbo pushed the door open and they dived into the room, barrel rolling so they wouldn’t be above the bed.

The pair clipped on gas masks and released the sleeping fumes. Tubbo signaled Tommy allowing him to sneak to the side of the bed. Carefully he laid down a bucket and took a knife out.

The man fell silent. His breathing stopped and there was no motion in his body.

After the blood stopped dripping they staged a suicide and left the room. Closing the distance between them and their ship easily.

Once they got to the ship, their hero congratulated them and they headed back to their room.

Strangely enough Tommy didn’t feel any type of excitement or joy at the mission going well. It felt wrong and burned his gut making him want to crawl into a ball and never wake up.

If he told Dream he would say he wasn’t going with his instincts and that he should forget the poison he was taught.

Dream was right.

So he laid in bed and silently congratulated himself, even though he wasn’t proud.

——————

The mission went well, in Dream’s eyes.

In Tubbo’s opinion it could’ve gone better. The human was sloppy and lacked quite a bit and was sloppy when it actually came to the job.

He was also being sloppy since he communicated more than once during the entire thing.

Hopefully he won’t have to do that when he finishes the escape route.

The only good thing that came out of the ship was he stayed fairly fit and was more attentive then he ever had been. Why did he start slacking in that sense?

His mind wandered to the many nights he stayed up late working with Wilbur on his latest fascination. Or when Techno would read his many different novels to him, since he wasn’t able to read as well as the rest of the crew. Or the times Phil would show him the cabin and teach him small tricks on how to steer the ship. Or when Ranboo and him stayed up for hours on end, exchanging small conversations and staring into the vast void of space.

Tears threatened to fall.

His mind wandered to the conversation Ranboo and Tommy had. How useless and pitiful that jealousy was. Now the one he could blame his recent pain on was laying in the same room as him, just as restless as he.

The human was strong and passionate, he could give him that. But he was also stubborn and impulsive, along with being impossibly loyal.

If Tubbo could get him on his side, they would most likely be able to get off the ship and hopefully kill their captures, if they weren’t able to get that far Wilbur and Phil definitely would.

He settled for letting himself fall asleep to the soft breaths of the human. He knew the other was still awake. He hadn’t really slept the entirety of their imprisonment most likely due to paranoia.

He wondered if he tried, maybe they would be friends or if that only existed in another world.

His thoughts roared with possibilities and thoughts of other lifes. Slowly he drifted into a slumber.

——————

His captain had turned into someone he no longer recognized.

Full of a sickly passion making him crave power.

Anyone and anything that got in the way was destroyed, which is how George found himself packing his case and booking a flight ticket off of the next planet.

He suggested they change the training for the starlings. Dream absolutely hated that and saw it as a direct violation of his loyalty.

George could feel the tears prickling his skin as he remembered how human the Dreamon looked when he finished his screaming. There were no words for the blood lust and betrayal in the dreamon’s eyes.

He bit back the pain that seemed to be swallowing him whole.

An idea blossomed.

He could use this moment as a last act of defiance.

A way to show how much pain the crew brought him.

A smile perked on his face.

An insane laugh bubbled.

Without another thought he tampered with the crew’s dreams. Letting them have the most peaceful sleep of their lives.

Dream had made a mistake. The co pilot landed the ship smoothly on the next planet.

He walked to the one room he refused to visit and opened the door.

The droneling was the first out, quickly followed by the human.

The two were off on an unknown planet and the ship was back in motion. Stopping at the planet they would use to resupply the ship and drop the ex-crewmember at.

The ship lost three inhabitants that day. Two of which got out undetected and one that would definitely have a target on his back for the rest of his life.

The other crewmen were kicked off at the next planet leaving a furious dreamon to wilt in his own madness in the void of space.

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Chapter 8-End

Words: 1455

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Hahahhahahahhabababbabbaba

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George- gets kicked out..

George- Ima make Dream mad

Proceeds to make everyone leave..

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Remember likes are appreciated but reblogs are better!! Stay safe and take care of yourself!! <3

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Chapter 9:

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corvus--rex · 3 years

Text

Long ago I had a writer's fever dream where I thought "What if Keith had a twin? And what if that twin was on the Kerberos mission..." So I decided to rewrite VLD from the beginning with these things in mind. This one's pretty well given up on as of right now. I realized that I needed to figure out how to fit people in and never quite got there. Anyway, here's the first ~1.3k words of Double Threat (working title). (also, for the record, I don't actually ship Keith & Matt, but ocs are always fair game ;) )

}~{~}~{

“Why you? Why does it have to be you? If anything – and I mean anything – happened…I…I don’t know what I’d do. Not after…” Keith began his rant angry, furious even. But then the walls began to crumble like they always did around his brother, and the truth began to slip out.

Finlay stopped. He sighed, turning around. They’d gone over this so many times. Despite their both still being cadets at the Galaxy Garrison, despite both of them having unmatched scores in their classes and flight training, it was Finlay who was chosen in the new mentorship program. It was Finlay who had been selected for the opportunity to go along on the Kerberos Mission as a co-pilot, to have the experience of real space flight. They both knew why. Not that it made sense to anyone but Commander Iverson.

Keith and Finlay, despite being identical twins, despite having nearly identical scores, weren’t viewed the same way by some of the Garrison’s faculty. The brothers stuck together, backing each other up in everything. But James Griffin had gone out of his way to harass Keith one day, and Keith snapped, getting into a fistfight with the other boy. Ever since then, Iverson had decided that Keith was trouble, even though the class full of witnesses all said the same thing: that Griffin had purposely goaded Keith into that fight.

“I know. But I’ll be with Shiro, and Sam. And Matt. We’ll be fine.” Finlay huffed a laugh. “If anything, you’ll have the tougher job. Keeping Katie in line.”

Keith cracked a smile, albeit a small one. His brother considered that a win.

“Of course,” he said with a knowing smirk, “That also means I won’t be around to give you someone to hide behind whenever your crush is around.”

Keith’s smile hardened into a glare at his twin. “Fuck.”

“Sorry,” Finlay said, smirk still in place, “Looks like you’re just gonna have to deal with McClain all on your own for a few months.”

“Kill me now.”

The smirk widened into a grin. “Nope. Either suffer, get over it, or y’know…just fucking tell him.”

“Never gonna happen,” Keith said, but his immediate stress had been relieved.

“You say that now, dear brother, but you are way the fuck too gay to keep it to yourself without me.”

“You’re just as gay as I am.”

Finlay slung an arm around his brother’s shoulders. “Oh, well aware. How else would I know?”

Keith snorted. “Yeah, about that. How areyou planning on dealing with being out in space? With Matt? In such close quarters?”

“Fuck you,” Finlay spat without malice, shoving his brother, who only laughed.

_~*~_~*~_~*~_

Keith raced along the desert, the memory unbidden, but not unwelcome. He was getting them back. Both of them. Finlay and Shiro. He wasn’t entirely sure how he was going to manage it with just his hoverbike and not knowing what kind of shape they were in, but he was doing it. Whatever the hell else was going on, he was getting them back.

Taking out the guards was easy. Taking out the Garrison scientists was even easier. Just as Keith was working on releasing the restraints around Finlay’s wrists, his twin began to wake. Keith’s efforts became hurried, nearly frantic, in his attempt to free his brother. The instant one wrist is free, Finlay rolled, pushing Keith’s hands away so he could free himself.

“Shiro took most of the impact,” he managed weakly, “He needs more help than I do.”

Keith had only just gotten Shiro free and his weight supported when a hand was on his shoulder. One of the hazmat-suited scientists was awake. It took Keith a second to recognize him through the suit.

“Adam?”

“Let me help.”

Keith didn’t think, only reacted. “Ok. What now?”

“Nope. No no no no no,” said a familiar voice from the entranceway.

Keith froze, not having heard that voice in six months. He felt more than heard Finlay’s rough chuckle behind him. What the actual fuck was Lance McClain doing there? Not that it mattered, they didn’t have time for that. Adam took charge, leading them and the other two Garrison cadets that looked like they’d been following Lance out and over to one of the Garrison vehicles.

“Keith! I need you to take point! Get us the fuck out of here!” Adam yelled, ushering everyone but Finlay into the truck.

Finlay followed Keith to the hoverbike, climbing on behind his twin. He was still weak from the crash, and whatever it is that the Garrison techs did to him, but held on with what strength he had left.

“Finn, you good to ride?” Keith asked, flipping the power switch.

Finlay nodded against his back, knowing his voice wouldn’t be heard over the roar of the engine.

“Hold on.”

Keith took off, feeling more secure than he had in months. He led Adam through the desert, knowing that the ace pilot could keep up with him, even in something like a Garrison truck. They lost the rest of the Garrison pursuit, but Keith didn’t trust them. He took off again, making a turn he knew would make the trip longer, but it was less likely that they’d be followed.

Coming over the crest of a hill, the cabin that had belonged to their father came into view. Keith felt it when Finlay gasped against his back.

“It’s still there,” he said softly.

The hoverbike had slowed down, the engine nowhere near as loud as it had been. Keith heard his brother’s astonished whisper.

“Yeah. It is.”

Adam and the others were still unloading both themselves and the still unconscious Shiro from the Garrison truck when the Kogane twins entered the cabin. Finlay was surprised to see that it looked lived in and turned to face Keith. For his part, Keith was looking more at the floor than his twin.

“I, um, I kind of got kicked out of the Garrison,” he admitted, “You went missing, and they tried to claim that it was pilot error. I knew it was bullshit and I tried to fight it, but Iverson just called it ‘disciplinary issues’ and got me booted. He tried to say that I wasn’t thinking clearly and that I was trying to see things that weren’t there. I never believed it was pilot error. I’ve been out here listening to the Garrison’s radio chatter; that’s how I knew where to find you.”

Finlay was exhausted, physically and emotionally, but still found the strength to pull his brother into a tight hug. “I knew you’d never give up. Too fuckin’ stubborn for it.”

Keith returned his twin’s hold. “So are you.”

Their moment was interrupted by the sound of conversation and what they knew was Shiro’s unconscious body being dragged across the compacted sand and dirt. The rest of the group stumbled inside, Adam and Lance carrying Shiro.

}~{~}~{

From a later scene that wasn't even half-baked:

“Go away,” Pidge snapped, “I’m close, I know I am.”

She tried to throw off the hand on her shoulder, but it held on, squeezing once. “We’ll find him.”

That voice used to throw her off, never knowing if it was Keith or Finn. But after months in space together, she learned the differences between the twins. Sighing out a combination of stress, exhaustion, and frustration, she let her hands fall from the keyboard and slumped into her chair.

“Every time I think I'm getting somewhere, it always leads to a dead end. I’m getting frustrated, Finn. The only thing that keeps me going is that I know Matt and Dad are still out there somewhere. I have to find them. I'm going to find them.”

~*~*~*~

Links to the rest of the series:

1 | 2 | 3* | 4 | 5* | 6* | 7 | 8 | 9* | 10 | 11 | 12* | 13 | 14 | 15* | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19*

#my writing #abandoned wips #klance #lance mcclain #keith kogane #vld #voltron #keith x lance

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chvrrystvles · 4 years

Text

Falling Again

Harry is falling apart and Y/N can't stop crying.

Summary: After a rough breakup, Harry wrote Y/n a song and he hopes she listens.

Warnings: Angst, smut

Word count: 2.7k

A/n: Well this happened... kind critiquing is always needed, and appreciated.

Harry’s hands shook slightly and the ice in his drink rattled around with every bounce of his leg. He stared out into the crowded bar searching everywhere for those mesmerizing eyes he had once stared so deep into. He had messaged her last week and asked her to come, he thought it might bring her some closure, and maybe bring him some peace of mind. More than likely she wouldn’t show up, but somewhere in the back of his mind he had hoped that maybe she would find it in her heart to come, even just for a second.

She had woken up to a text around ten in the morning on a Saturday, she could’ve sworn her heart stopped beating and her breath caught in her throat. She eyed the message suspiciously, it wasn’t like Harry to message her after what went on between them. And it definitely wasn’t like Harry to want to see her again after breaking her heart into a million pieces, he felt guilty, she knew that. But, how could she deny him a chance to explain himself, she wasn’t as cruel as she should be to him. She believes everyone deserves a second chance, even Harry.

Harry paced back and forth behind the curtains, the show started in five minutes and he wasn’t able to eye the crowd in search of her anymore. He could hear the announcer begin to introduce him and his band. Throwing his guitar strap over his shoulder, he stepped onto center stage and waited for the curtains to open and the lights to shine out on the audience.

He waited for the claps to die down. Harry cleared his throat, “I wrote this one ‘bout a girl whose heart I broke, and I dunno if she’s ‘ere but, if she is I hope she knows, ‘m lost without ‘er.” He eyed his band mates and a simple piano melody began to play, he held his head low and began to sing.

He felt lost without her beside him every night, and every note he sang made him feel a little less lonely on the almost empty stage. His voice wavered in the first verse, he was terrified; was she here?

The sound of his voice bounced off the walls of the crowded bar and people began to perk their ears up to listen. Every ounce of hurt that he had caused himself was being shared with these people who were mostly strangers. He had to share this part of himself though, what if there was a slim chance that she had decided that showing up was a good idea; he couldn’t sing the song with anything but every broken piece of him.

She sat in the back sipping on a coke and rum, Harry’s favorite. While they were together Harry was often seen with a glass full of the same drink Y/n was now sipping on. Call her pathetic but, it was a little habit she couldn’t drop. Something about how the liquor made its way down her throat, burning all the while, brought her comfort, and made her think of him; most times when Y/n was sober it was too hard to think of Harry.

Her eyes were low, full of sleep and her tight red dress now seemed a little too tight. Maybe it was just because the sweaty bodies around her created a thick cloud and made her skin feel damp, or maybe because she knew that this dress was his favorite. Either way, her red dress, felt entirely too tight.

Her head turned swiftly at the mention of his name, and there he stood in all his glory, beautifully broken and it was his fault. Was it wrong of her to think he looked more perfect than he ever did, maybe so, but god did he look amazing. Her entire world stopped, he had written a song for her, about her, to her.

Harry didn’t let his eyes meet the crowd until he began to sing the chorus, letting every ounce of hurt flow through every verse. He thought she hadn’t come, but he’d still sing like she had, like he had something to prove to her. He had lost himself when he lost Y/n, he wanted her to know that. That every night when tried to shut his eyelids and fell away into a world of dreams, she was there, haunting him in the most brilliant of ways. A ghost of who she was before he broke her, floated around in these film type dreams, he wished he could bring that girl back. He wished he wouldn’t have broken her, broken their love.

Tears rolled down her face, her beautiful Harry, was so, so, utterly destroyed inside. It made her think that maybe he stayed up and had just as many sleepless nights as she had. That thought gave her a dull ache in her heart that she hadn’t felt in nearly six months. Was it wrong of her to walk out on him like she did, without giving him a chance to explain himself?

Regret settled deep within her, and she’d never felt worse than she did in that very moment. It was possible that maybe they were both beautifully broken, and maybe, just maybe, they could be each other's fix.

Harry let his eyes linger for just a little while longer on the crowd, searching aimlessly for those eyes. Her eyes. Time seemed to slow down, everything moving slowly around him as he finally found those amazing orbs he had been searching for all night. Y/n was here, she came to his show; she was crying.

The song came to an end and the crowd roared with applause. They liked it, but more importantly, did she? He hoped she understood how lost he was without her and how he was falling out of love with who he was now. Harry had realized the error of his ways, and he hoped that it wasn’t too late.

After they had finished the rest of their songs, and the curtains closed, Harry and his band mates stepped off the stage and began putting up their instruments.

Nothing had ever hurt worse than Harry accepting that writing some silly song, about how sorry he was, would not have Y/n falling back into his arms. For once, he let the tears roll down his face and he had no intentions of stopping them. His heart ached.

Y/n watched Harry on the stage pouring out his heart for the past hour and couldn’t stop the quiet sobs that left her lips in the bathroom. After so many weeks begging for him to show vulnerability, he accepted defeat and let an entire crowd of people see how damaged he had been left with after she left him.

“”arry mate, some chick is lookin’ for ya, she looks a bit upset fo’ sure,’ one of Harry’s band mates said to him in a voice no louder than a whisper. He nodded his head, it was no surprise that she’d come to see him. She was upset, which means she was on the road to forgiving him or this had made her only want to hate him more. And, he wasn’t sure which one he’d be able to accept easier.

She looked beautiful, wearing a red dress, the red dress he’d picked out for her to wear to their Valentine's dinner last February. Her mascara had run down her cheeks staining them lightly with black marks, and her lips looked as though she had continuously bit at them all night. In fact, he knew she had been, he’d been watching her, absolutely captivated by her beauty once again.

He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck, “Y/n, ‘m sorry petal, and I know I don’t deserve ya, but at least let me explain m’self, ya deserve tha.” Tears didn’t cease from flowing down her already soaked face, as she gave him a simple nod. Had he lost weight, she noticed his trousers didn’t quite fit the way they used to.

She followed him outside behind the building, the rest of his band was putting the equipment into the trailer and preparing to leave. She wondered if he’d rode with the rest of them here, or had he drove himself. She’d grabbed a cab in order to get here, driving at night wasn’t one of her fortes.

Lingering eyes watched the pair of old lovers, suspicion being raised due to Harry and Y/n not been seen together in quite some time.

Harry began to walk over to what appeared to be his car and beckoned Y/n to follow him, “Thought tha’ maybe we better ‘ave this conversation behind closed doors.” She couldn’t get a word to come out of her mouth so she nodded in hopes that he understood that speaking was much harder for her than it was for him.

Streetlights lit up the inside of his car, and not a word was shared as they made their way down the busy highway. She was familiar with where they were going, she had been there countless times and made memories she’d never forget (she had already tried to, with no luck.) The engine reved one last time as Harry put the car in park and twisted the key. With a knowing look on his face, he gave her the silent option to sit in his car and have the long awaited conversation or sit in the comfort of his home.

Doors were pulled open and others unlocked, and the two broken hearted people made their way inside the building that was home to memories of their failed attempt at love. She sat down at the bar the bordered the kitchen and he began to make them both a mug of tea. For a second, everything felt normal to the both of them, but just as quick as the feeling came, it left, and they were aware of what the reality was.

She stirred her tea, two sugars and light milk, and eyed him carefully. She was the first to speak, “Did you mean it,” she let out an audible gulp, “like, like how you weren’t someone you want around,” her voice quivered. Tears were already forming in her eyes, and she was sure she wouldn’t be able to take it if Harry truly felt this way.

With his back turned to her he let out a muffled cry, he couldn’t look her in the eyes, he wasn’t strong enough anymore to be able to do that. He couldn’t watch her fall apart, just as he was doing. “‘M s-so so sorry pet, I can’t live without ya, I messed up I know tha’ I do. Ya mean the world to me, an’ I don’t know how to fix this.” Y/n let her heart break in pieces again, but this time she hoped that Harry would be the one to put it back together.

Her footsteps could be heard as she walked into the kitchen, “Do you still love me?” She turned him to face her and nearly fell apart at the sight in front of her. Harry’s eyes had turned bright green and bloodshot and tears flowed freely down his pink tinted cheeks. He was falling apart. His heart raced and he could hear his ears ringing, “‘course I love ya, never loved anyone mo’ than I do you.”

That was all Y/n needed to press her lips firmly to his. His lips tasted salty but were just as soft and inviting as they had been when she kissed him goodbye. She could feel his tears hit her face, but his lips moved in sync with hers. She pulled away for a second and gazed into his eyes. “Then show me you love me.”

That was all Harry needed to pick Y/n up and take her to his bedroom. His left a fiery trail of kisses down Y/n’s neck and suckled softly on the spot at the bottom of her neck that he knew drove her crazy. Y/n couldn’t help but let out a soft moan, which Harry found angelic. Harry smiled softly against her skin, “love you s’much pet, s’much.” He pushed the bedroom door open with his foot and laid her down softly on the bed. “Missed you, button,” he mumbled trying to remember everything about this moment. His eyes were still glossy, but Y/n thought this just made him look even better than he already did.

Y/n pulls her, too tight, red dress over her head and watches Harry do the same with his trousers and some-what see through top. She grabs at him desperate to feel him, in any way possible. His hands roamed her body for the first time in forever and he takes time kissing her body up and down. Harry makes sure to take time leaving little lovebites on Y/n’s thighs, knowing how much she loved them.

“Jus’ do something Har,” she mewled softly, just wanting to be able to really feel him already. He made careful to take time with her body and treat her gently, kissing around the waistband of her light blue panties and down the front, ghosting over her core. He could practically hear the throbbing of her clit, she smelled amazing. Becoming impatient Y/n slips her panties off and tosses them somewhere across Harry’s room, she couldn’t be bothered to look where at the moment. She craved to feel his mouth on her.

After hearing her whine for his mouth, he licked a long stripe up her folds, savoring the way she tasted. He tested the waters more by pushing his tongue inside her and lapping at her inside, moaning softly into her, sending vibrations deep into her core. Her fingers wove themselves into his hair pulling softly with every movement of his skillful tongue. He smirked into her and pulled her, already very sensitive, bud into his mouth and suckled, flicking his tongue against her clit softly. Her thighs tried to close around his head, but his capable hands kept tem spread apart. He eyed her lovingly when he heard her quiet moans and her stating, “‘M close, baby, please.”

Harry toyed with her clit in his mouth and brought his fingers to her core and pushed one in, earning a loud moan from the writhing girl above him. “Taste so good, pet, always so sweet for me,’ he pumped his fingers in and out of her twisting them slightly to hit that one spot inside her that drove her to the edge. He takes her into his mouth again and works her closer to her high. Her moans grew increasingly louder as he worked her through her first orgasm of the night. Harry watches her face screwed shut “That’s it, doll, cum for me.”

This was all Y/n needed to push her to the edge, eyes closed and hands tangled into his hair, she rode out her orgasm on his tongue, feeling ignited on the inside.

She lifted her body up and reached out for Harry’s cock that laid swollen and red against his stomach. He swats her hand away softly, “‘s not about me, angel, jus’ wanted to show you my love.” Y/n could feel her heart melt in her chest, he was giving her the love she had craved for since she left his house after their fight.

Harry crawled up to lay next to her naked body, and pulled her close to his chest. She peppered soft kisses along his skin and paid special attention to each and every tattoo, her eyes felt heavy but she wasn’t quite sure if she wanted to give into sleeping or to just lay next to the man she knew she could not live without.

“Promise me we’ll get through this, together,” she glanced at him with a worrisome expression.

“Always, petal, ‘m not losing you again,’ he left little kisses all over her face until the worried look was replaced by a smile.

Harry knew he didn’t mind falling as long as it was with Y/n, and Y/n knew that being broken with Harry was much better than being broken by herself.

#harry styles writing #harry styles blurb #harry styles smut #smut #fine line #falling #blurbs #harry styles imagine #angst #harry styles #harry styles angst #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader

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star-gamerxox · 3 years

Text

Holiday Special 2020

(This takes place in a world where none of their written stories are canon, it’s a work where all shipkids exist. It also brings up their canon age-

This is 'Second Canon' although true canon fits in their actual stories.

I didn’t include any child partially done or that don’t have canon ages figured out to work with these babs-

I also won’t add Kai and Maelee.

Also I put a couple in development characters under the guise of pregnancy-

Most ship kids belong to me

Viri’s original design by @amarald

Picmlaoho belongs to me and @seertale )

“Merry Christmas!” A tiny body flopped on Nightmare and he let out a groan, wrapping his arms around his child.

“Hello baby. Where are all your siblings?” He asked and the child giggled more.

“Downstairs with papa!” The child, a very happy Aurora, bounced on Nightmares chest while he groaned.

“You are four, child, why are you like this?” He grumbled and his daughter squealed before deciding it was time to finally leave her dad alone.

“Don’t start presents without me!” He yelled out and aurora giggled. He groaned before his eyes widened.

“Shit… which kids are here this year? I know Cayda is here but… would Error even let EveFalcity here?” He groaned a bit before opening his door and going downstairs.

“But papaaaaaaa!” That was Pearl. She was the youngest of his kids, at 3 years old, but she didn’t remember Reaper, her biological papa.

“Nope. We gotta wait for your dad.” Killed hummed. EveFalcity wasn’t there but she was 16 now and he had hardly been in her life.

“Hey kiddos!” He called and Pearl stood and darted over.

“Daddy! Daddy! Presents!” She wasn’t his only child that only saw Christmas as gift time.

“Wait baby,” He hummed. Onyx grinned, laughing while Cayda and Cobalt simultaneously groaned.

“But daaaad.”

“Wait.” He chided yet again as he walked over to Killer and kissed his head. He loved his kids and he loved Killer. He just realized he had found his love for Killer much earlier in his life, although that would mean most of his kids wouldn’t even exist.

“Papa gets a present first.” He hummed and Killer smiled up at him.

“Oh?” He grinned

“Yep.” And then Nightmare got on one knee.

“No way!” Onyx sat forward and laughed. He was the oldest besides EveFalcity and yet not even he had seen his dad married. Killer nodded and Nightmare kissed him before sitting back a bit.

“Yes way.” Nightmare smiled as he slipped the ring onto Killer’s finger. They both reached to rub the almost invisible baby bump Killer had. They were both grinning widely.

“Now presents!?” Pearl whined and Nightmare turned before he started to laugh.

“Yea baby. Now presents.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross looked at Calypso through a slightly pained gaze. The boy was just a year or two older than his own son he had with Nightmare. It was a vivid reminder of the five years he spent apart from Dream after their fight. Dream had went to Killer while Cross had, admittedly, gone back to the only other home he knew. He had gone back to Nightmare.

But then he left his son there. Thinking about Cayda wasn’t a happy way to celebrate his Christmas though so he tried to focus on the ten year old that sparked those thoughts, Calypso.

“What’s up kiddo?” He asked. Calypso giggled more and hugged him.

“Morning Papa.” Calypso didn’t know Killer much but he did at least know him.

“Morning baby… were is your dad and siblings-“ he has that question answered for him as Dream ran in with their eldest two.

One thing that always stuck out was the fact that Calypso got none of the corruption that Dream had at the time of his birth. He also got none of the corruption his older siblings got.

“Daybreak! Toss it here!” Sunrise called and Dream laughed.

Dream wasn’t corrupted like that anymore but their eldest children were, which was a grave reminder of that time.

“Hey… where is Nelaya?” Cross asked suddenly.

“Hiding.” Daybreak said as he threw a wrapped item at his sister.

“Again?” Dream asked.

“She’s six. This is her first Christmas without Dust.” Sunrise mumbled. Dream sighed a bit and rubbed his head.

“I swear… my poor baby…” he rubbed his small baby bump before going to go find Nelaya.

“Baby… come on sweetheart… we can call him…” he called out until he heard a familiar sniffle.

“No! I wanna go home!” She whimpered.

“I know… I know…” he whispered quietly before slowly going closer to her and lifting her up.

“I wanna go home…” she whispered again and he bounced her a bit.

“I know… but for now this is your home… let’s go…” he mumbled as he walked back over to the others. The kids all moved to surround them and Nelaya managed a small smile.

“Presents?” She spoke up and Cross started to laugh softly. He gently placed his only picture of Cayda in his pocket as they went to the tree.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Evelyn shhhhh!”

‘I can’t talk! How can I make as much noise as you!?’

“Just shush!”

‘You’re the only one making noise, Dawning!’

“Quiettttt!”

“I hear two little eleven year olds trying to sneak presents at 6am while our parents are asleep.” A warm voice was heard.

‘EveFalcity!’ Evelyn darted away from her twin and tackled her eldest sister.

“Heya kiddo. Let’s not do presents now. Viri will be very upset if she finds out you did this without her.” EveFalcity sighed.

“Well… what about Syntax?” She hummed.

“He comes at one. Currently he’s at his dads.” She picked up Evelyn and threw her over her shoulder.

“Let’s go find our brother.” She hummed and Evelyn cheered. Picmlaoho was still asleep in his bed. Evelyn and Dawning moved to lay in their beds

“Morning kids!” Ink chirped as he threw open the door, holding the two year old Viri on his hip.

“Morning dad…” Picmlaoho mumbled as he rubbed his eyes and sat up. Evelyn decided to roll off the bed and Dawning laughed.

“Chri-mas! Chri-mas!” Viri chirped from her spot in her dad’s arms.

“Yep.” Dawning reached for her baby sister who squealed and made grabby hands for Dawning. She stood and took her sister from Ink before laughing as Evelyn rolled on the floor.

“Seriously?” Error walked over and rolled his eyes before lifting up Evelyn and Pic, since both were small, and walking downstairs. The laughs of the eldest child were heard in the hall and Ink threw an arm around Dawning before going downstairs.

Error had finished making breakfast as the kids did stockings. Viri came in waving around a very small teddy bear. Dawning, Evelyn, and Picmlaoho all had matching bracelets. EveFalcity’s big stocking gift stuck out compared to her siblings. A beautiful necklace with a moon charm.

“I saw that Night sent a gift and you put it under the tree… that’s new.” EveFalcity spoke up as she sat down for the meal.

“He wants to be in your life… he has for years. He usually sends you a gift but he sent you two and he sent you that necklace.” Error hummed and she smiled a bit.

“Well that’s nice… maybe I can see him tomorrow?”

“He’s still your parent Eve. Of course you can. He has other kids now. He’s realized a whole lot about himself over the past years. He really wants to be in your life… he really does.” He smiled and EveFalcity rested her head on the table and looked at her necklace.

“Thanks Nightmare…”

“He really does care about her, huh?” Ink smiled as he watched his kids unwrap their presents. Somehow Viri now had a bow on her skull and Evelyn had somehow put one in her right eye. EveFalcity was resting peacefully on the couch, looking at the gifts from Night, Ink, and Error.

“He always has Ink, it’s just, he was scared when she was born. That was 16 years ago and our lives have changed a lot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Daaaaaaaaaad. Come onnnnn! I gotta go to papa and Ink’s place at one!” Syntax bounced around a bit despite being almost as old as his elder brother Zenai.

“Yea, yea. Ze, go get Elliot and Azalea.” Blue hummed and Zenai nodded before hurrying off. Elliot was four and Azalea was already almost eight.

“Elli. Come here bubba.” Zenai grinned. He was Dusts son but for a lot of his sixteen years, it had just been him and his dad. His dad had dated others, that’s how Syntax came along, but then Blue met Red. Red came with his daughter, Azalea, who was two at the time.

No matter how much Blue loved his husband, he openly would admit he would have stayed with Dust if the other hadn’t flat out disappeared. Zenai loved his step dad and his younger siblings though, that never changed. He just missed Dust.

“Zalea! Come on!” He called the girl over and she grinned. She poked the still half asleep Elliot and the child whined loudly.

“Okay! After breakfast we’ll do gifts and stockings. At noon, Syntax gets to go to Errors so he gets to celebrate Christmas at both of his homes!” Blue always looked tired but Zenai was impressed how excited he seemed for this holiday. He did it every year and Zenai was always impressed with his dad because he had been like this since the year Dust left.

“Yay! Waffles!” Suddenly Azalea was standing on her chair and nearly jumping off it. Even without being biologically related to Blue, she somehow got his crazy energy,

“Yep. Waffles. Although you better be careful princess or there won’t be waffles for Christmas, it’ll be a trip to the emergency room for Christmas.” Red hummed as he walked over.

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Zenai hummed and Blue snorted.

“You were a very chaotic child.” Blue responded cooly.

“No. I meant that it wouldn’t be the first time for Azalea. Remember when she was four? She was trying to get her stocking down using Elliot’s bouncy chair. She bounced straight into the fire and we spent Christmas in the burn wing with a sobbing two month old. We all already know I spent many Christmas’ getting a cast put on some broken limb.” Zenai hummed as he ate breakfast.

“I have no clue how your girlfriend handles you.” Syntax hummed.

“Well you’ll see her at Error’s, why don’t you ask her for me?” He grinned and Syntax shot him a glare.

“Just because you grew up with my big sister doesn’t make this any less awkward. You’re my big brother and EveFalcity is my big sister. Even if you two don’t have any family relation, it’s strange for me.” He stuck out his tongue and Zenai laughed.

“Yea, yea. Come on. Presents.” Somehow the younger two were finished. Zenai was mostly finished and Syntax was too.

“Yay!” Azalea ran ahead and Zenai laughed.

“Be careful!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bryin groaned and flopped on his back.

“When can we start?” He mumbled. It was already noon and his presents were mocking him.

“When Pandora gets here. The Foster place was very iffy about letting her spend Christmas here. We said around lunch.” Spoop, Bryin’s younger half brother, mumbled. Bryin didn’t hate Spoop but he definitely didn’t like him either. His parents had been separated for a couple years when they finally got back together. Horror came back with two toddlers and, sadly, the elder twin- Rye- died in a car crash a month later with his biological dad. Spoop didn’t remember either of them.

“She’s your friend, go get her.” Bryin glared and his six year old, younger, brother held up his hands.

“Im six, not a miracle worker!” He yelped and Bryin groaned.

“Kids! Guess who’s here!” Lust yelled from downstairs and Bryin ran down.

“Finally!” He laughed. Pandora was a skinnier girl with super tiny wings. She was seven, a year older than Spoop, and she had lost her parents about 6 months ago. Somehow Spoop and Pandora had convinced their parents and her foster parents to let her stay the day here. At their House. On Christmas.

The older brother wasn’t amused by Spoops plans.he was eight by now, almost nine, and he was supposed to get his first tablet this year. That wasn’t happening now. They could afford a tablet and gifts for Pandora.

Or so he thought.

Bryin had come to terms with the fact he wouldn’t get his long awaited gift. He didn’t blame Pandora, or Spoop.

Spoop and Pandora were finished with their presents and Bryin stared at his final one, a bit confused. As he opened it, his eyes lit up.

“No way…” he looked up at his parents. “How?”

“Well… I know you wanted a tablet to help you play games and we didn’t wanna take that away from you… so I picked up extra shifts at the restaurant and Horror did some extra odd jobs.” Lust smiled and Bryin lit up. He moved to hug Lust who just grinned and spun his son around.

“Thank you Daddy! Thank you so much!” Bryin nearly cried and Lust just smiled.

“Of course baby… of course.” He whispered as Horror moved to join the hug, surrounding his love and their eldest child.

“Of course.” Horror’s voice was more raspy but it always made Bryin smile, just as the boy was now. Both parents moved slightly when Spoop wanted to join, letting him in. They even encouraged Pandora to be part of a family hug.

“You’re the best…” Bryin whispered and, as if sharing a brain wave, Horror and Lust smiled.

“No you are… all three of you.” They whispered, almost in unison.

What a good Christmas this turned out to be.

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winchesterandpie · 5 years

Text

Unlovable (Eomer x Reader)

Pairing: Eomer x insecure!fem!reader

Word Count: 1,765

Warnings: Insecurities, feeling down, fluffy Eomer

A/N: So, I know I’ve been basically missing all summer and haven’t had time or really motivation to write anything, but I finally did! I went to a friend’s wedding reception and on the way home I had some thoughts similar to the ones here. I don’t think I’m the only one to have wondered these things, so I figured I’d share this. It hasn’t been proofread extensively so please forgive grammatical errors! Hope you enjoy! Gif isn’t mine.

After Eowyn and Faramir’s wedding the Rohirrim rode home, led by our newly crowned king. The ride had been full of celebration, but it had also left a lot of time for thinking, perhaps too much. I may have been a part of the Rohirrim, but my parents had grown weary of waiting for me to marry.

‘A young woman of your age,’ they would tell me, ‘should be married, with a child on her hip.’ Often they would speak of the past, remembering when the King’s nephew, Eomer, and I had been close as children. Our parents had thought it might turn to courtship, but then Eomer’s father had died, and he and Eowyn were taken under the wing of King Theoden. Gone were the days where he and I would imagine adventures together, and with them went my parents’ hopes. We’d stayed close, sure, but the only child of commoner parents was unlikely to win the eye of a handsome man who lived in the Meduseld.

As my parents’ only child, my father had taught me to use a sword and a bow. Sometimes I wondered if he’d regretted it after I joined the Rohirrim. Now, I was battle-scarred both in body and mind, and I had given up hopes of any offers of courtship. Even though I still harbored feelings for Eomer that had never lessened, but rather increased with time, I knew nothing would come of it.

To be honest, I had made my peace with it, but Eowyn’s wedding stirred up old longings deep in my soul. Not that I begrudged her her happiness - she and I were close, and of course I was ecstatic for her. Nonetheless, the otherwise happy occasion had opened old wounds.

I removed Aesir’s tack more slowly than usual, hindered by an injured arm as well as rushing thoughts. Returning to his stall with a brush, I found myself alone in the stable, except for the company of the horses.

“Oh, Aesir…” I ran the brush along his neck as I spoke. “What is it about me that makes the men avoid me? They’re perfectly willing to speak to me of battle, and strategy, and horses, but it seems the moment they remember that I am a woman, they want nothing more than to be free of my presence. Eomer… he’s a good friend, and I’ve only grown to love him more as I’ve we’ve grown older… But he’ll never feel the same about me. I fear I’ll always be alone, Ace.”

The bay horse chuffed quietly, turning his head to rub his muzzle against me, as though reminding me that he was there. It brought a smile to my lips, if only a small one.

“Yes, I know you’ll be here.” I tousled his forelock playfully before returning to brushing out his coat. “My mum worries for me, though… I think Da does as well, though he’s quieter about it.” Stepping around him carefully, I moved to Aesir’s other side.

“They always wanted more children, but since I’m the only one they’ve got, they want grandchildren now. Whenever I visit them, it’s the first question Mum asks, ‘have you met anyone special yet?’” I imitated her as best I could, chuckling quietly. The bay shook out his mane in amusement. “My answer’s always the same, though. ‘No, Mum, not yet.’ And then she gets this look in her eye, like she’s disappointed. She’ll always deny it, though, if I say anything.”

“I’m not sure she’s wrong to be disappointed either. After all, I’m twenty-six, and I haven’t got a single prospect in sight. Mum still wants me to pursue Eomer, but that’s a lost cause.” I moved to combing out the tangles from the jet black mane, trying to release all my frustration on the small knots that just wouldn’t come out, trying to keep the tears from building up in my eyes. “I suppose this is what I get for being a Rohirrim, though. Eomer deserves far more than me, especially now that he’s the king, and no other man would look twice at a woman who carries battle scars.”

A single tear slipped free, and like bursting floodgates, many more followed. I was glad to be alone in the stables then, as I wrapped my arms around Aesir’s neck and buried my face in his mane. “Why am I so unlovable?” My voice cracked as I asked the question that had ached in my heart since Eowyn’s engagement to Faramir. The horse tucked his head tighter against my back, returning the embrace as well as he could.

Then someone cleared their throat, and I immediately shifted away, using Aesir as a sort of shield to hide behind as I tried to wipe the tears away. If it got out to the other Rohirrim that I’d been found crying into my horse’s mane, it would only serve to increase the odds against me ever finding love.

“Y/n?” Oh no. Of all the people who could have found me, it was none other than Eomer, the new King of Rohan himself.

“Eom--Your majesty.” I didn’t have much luck drying my eyes, so I only peaked above Aesir’s neck, hoping desperately that Eomer wouldn’t notice their redness. “What brings you to the stables?” Maybe if I acted as though nothing were wrong, he wouldn’t ask.

“I came seeking the counsel of a friend.” He came towards me as he spoke, stopping just outside the stall. “Instead I find that my friend is troubled.” His brown eyes were kind as they met mine, and I knew I would not be able to brush it off as nothing.

“How long were you listening?” I asked quietly, my gaze dropping to the straw-covered ground as I crossed my arms in front of me.

“Long enough,” Eomer replied, shifting uncomfortably for a moment before ducking into the stall to stand in front of me. “Y/n,” he began.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to say anything.” The tears came even more fiercely then. “Just go, Eomer.”

“What sort of friend would I be if I left you crying in the stables?” He sounded even closer, but I had shut my eyes in a vain effort to slow the tears. A calloused but gentle hand grasped my chin, lifting it so that I would meet his gaze. I sniffled quietly, but it was enough to break the trance he seemed to be in and he quickly enveloped me in his arms. At the unexpected contact, I froze for a moment before the dam broke and I returned his embrace, burying my face in the soft fabric of his shirt.

Eomer just held me without saying anything for a long time, the silence in the barn interrupted only by my muffled sniffles and the horses moving around. He rested his cheek atop my head, one hand combing through my hair soothingly. Gradually, my tears slowed but I was too embarrassed to stop hiding in his shirt.

“I did not know you thought so little of yourself,” Eomer said carefully. I tensed, afraid of what he would say next.

“I haven’t had much reason of late to think otherwise.” I forced a tiny shrug, trying to sound as composed as I could after bawling into his shirt.

“Y/n, you are not unlovable.” He said after a long minute, squeezing me more tightly to him. “ You are the bravest person I know, and the scars you carry do not make you any less beautiful. Any man you agreed to court would be the luckiest man in Middle Earth.”

“I don’t deserve you saying such kind things, Eomer.” I twisted out of his embrace, turning back to run my hand over the bay horse beside me, more as an excuse to avoid meeting the blond man’s eyes than anything else.

“That’s true - you deserve far more than my words, far more than you think you do.” I just shook my head forlornly when he spoke. “And I should’ve said something sooner. You said you’d only grown to love me more over the years, and you’ve thought it to be one-sided, but I’ve done the same thing.”

“Wait, what… what are you saying?” I’m sure my face must’ve shown my surprise, because Eomer chuckled softly. As he stepped toward me, I finally noticed that he’d changed from his armor into a loose green shirt and a pair of comfortable-looking trousers. They certainly fit him well.

“I said,” he paused, placing his hands on either side of my face and brushing away the last of the tears, “I love you.” Slowly, as though giving me time to move away, he leaned his forehead against mine. I relaxed into his touch, my eyes drifting shut.

“I… I never thought--”

“Neither did I. But we’re here now.” He smiled at me, his eyes lighting up as I returned his grin with a shy one. “And since it took us so long to get here, I’m not sure how much longer I can wait to kiss you.”

“You might… might not have to wait any longer,” I replied, flirted back hesitantly. “If you want, that is.” His smile widened, and I would’ve sworn he could outshine the sun at midday.

“Yes, I think I’d like that.” Eomer gently tilted my chin up as heat spread across my cheeks.

My eyes closed just before our lips met. His were softer against mine than I’d imagined, even slightly chapped as they were. He shifted carefully, one hand sliding down to the small of my back, pressing me impossibly close to him. The smell of him--of horses and leather and sun--enveloped me as we kissed. My hand found its way to his hair, playing with the soft blond strands as we broke apart.

I couldn’t help but giggle a little at my once-distant dream becoming reality. Aesir nickered and shoved us with his head affectionately, reminding us that we were still in the horse’s stall. Eomer’s eyes crinkled up as he chuckled. We ducked out of the stall together, and he kissed me again happily. He pulled away after a brief kiss, only to lift me in his arms and spin me around, laughter bubbling from our lips as he set me down.

“Does your mother really--”

“Yes.” I rolled my eyes at the thought of her ‘advice’ about my love life.

“Well, at least now you have something to tell her,” Eomer said cheerfully, setting his arm around my shoulders as we left the barn.

“Aye, that I do.”

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!

Forever Tags:

@riddikulus-obsessions @addictionmarvel @peppermint--teas @mercedesbarnes @javapeach

Tag list is open! Send me an ask or a message if you would like to be included!

#Eomer x reader #Eomer x you #Eomer #LOTR x reader #Lord of the Rings x reader #LOTR #Lord of the Rings #insecure reader #Eomer fluff #Eomer x insecure!reader #lol sorry I've been MIA lately

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alicepink-me · 5 years

Text

Secret Admirer

WARNING: FINAL CHAPTER

Story Summary:

With the help of Chat Noir, Marinette sends a love letter to Adrien. After that, there’s an exchange of many letters between Marinette and Adrien. Marinette is excited but later questions if she is actually writing to Adrien and thinks Chat Noir might actually be writing to her instead. Marinette tries to make sense of her love life and who her secret admirer actually is.

Chapter 15: Together Forever

Ladybug swung through Adrien's window and landed by the couch, detransforming back to Marinette. Adrien was sitting at his desk, focused intently on his computer. Marinette smiled. She walked up behind him and slid her hands over his shoulders and around his neck, hugging him. Adrien leaned into her and sighed.

"Are you busy?" Marinette mumbled. "I can come back later."

"No." He twirled his chair around she sat in his lap, her arms still around his neck. "I was just working on my Chinese lessons. My teacher was sick, so she emailed me some practice work."

"So you are busy."

"Skipping a lesson won't cause any problems. I've been fluent since I was 10, so I'll be just fine. Besides, I'll always make time for you." His hand rested on her leg.

Marinette smiled. "So I'm guessing this isn't a great time to introduce me to your family?"

"You mean my dad and Nathalie?" He chuckled. "No, they're still a little cranky that I'm not with Chloe or Lila and I'm not too sure how they'd react to you. I think they expected me to either stoop low enough to be with Chloe for the money or be with Lila for a better image. Whatever is best for my career." Adrien kissed her nose. "But I didn't need either."

"I'd hate for your family to despise us being together. Maybe one day they'll like me."

"I hope so."

"Whatever happened to Lila?" Marinette asked, standing up. "I haven't seen her since that day. What did you do after the akuma attack?"

Adrien stood and pushed his chair in. "I took her home and . . . I told her mother everything. I remembered everything as Adrien and as Chat Noir. I told her about the lying, the manipulation, and everything that Lila said and did while akumatized." Adrien walked over to the couch and pulled out a blanket.

Marinette sat next to him. "Did she believe you?"

"I think so. I don't know if she would have if I wasn't Chat Noir, but she had said she was getting a little suspicious of her daughter. Lila lied to everyone and her mother wasn't exempt from it. Her lies may have been outrageously unbelievable, but she spoke them so easily that no one could deny them. I'll leave it Lila to come clean to the school and be honest, but I had to tell her mother the truth."

"I think you did the right thing." Marinette said, covering herself with the blanket. "But what's her mom going to do? Did she tell you?"

"At the moment, she didn't know, but I came back a few days later to check on them both."

"And?"

"They're leaving Paris. Her mother thinks that's what's best. She's thinking England, but they haven't decided yet." Adrien said. "But they'll be gone before the summer ends. Lila is also going to therapy now and her mother thinks staying here would just trigger Lila to go back to her old ways."

"Would that really work though?" Marinette leaned on her hand. "Lila is sneaky and can get away with almost anything. She could easily put on a show to make sure people believe her. How do we know she'll actually change?"

"I believe she will." Adrien admitted. "Whenever I came back, her mother told me everything. She said Lila's father was never home because of his job and she was always working to pay the bills. They never gave Lila the attention she needed and when they were together, they never agreed on anything. They had different opinions from the beginning, so they never had a good relationship. Her mother even recalled a time where she picked Lila up from preschool and the teacher said Lila told her classmates that her mother was super rich and would be putting her in a far more expensive school. She had bragged that she travels the world with her family throughout the year. That's when her lying started, but that day was kind of forgotten. After that, her mother never heard of any incidents."

"But why would Lila lie from the beginning? She didn't get along with her family, but they were the basis of her lies in the beginning."

"Her mother suspects that Lila just wanted to be adored and given attention. If her parents weren't always there, then she would've had other targets for affection. If it was just her, there was no one to prove her wrong. She could invent a dream family and lifestyle without any rejection."

"I kind of feel bad for her now." Marinette frowned.

Adrien nodded. "Her mother always asked about her day when she came home, but Lila seemed to resent her. She did try, but her daughter was always focused on everything else. With all those lies, maybe that's why Lila was so dedicated to getting me to like her. She wanted to create a perfect life and the perfect lover."

"Perfect?" Marinette questioned.

"I know I'm not perfect." Adrien announced. "But apparently I fit her list of her wants."

"Sounds like you two would be great together." Marinette joked.

Adrien put his hand behind her head and immediately pulled her in for a kiss. Marinette clutched the couch, surprised. Adrien pulled back. "Never." He breathed. "I only need you in my life."

"I meant as a friend." Marinette laughed. "You both have a lot in common. You two can find middle ground and maybe . . . you could be honest friends."

"Maybe." Adrien said as Marinette wrapped her arms around him and returned the kiss. Adrien smiled and held the sides of her face, deepening the kiss. The two felt at ease, but a surprise knock was heard at the door.

"Adrien?" Nathalie's voice was heard. Adrien pushed Marinette down on the couch and broke the kiss. They were so close. Marinette stared up at him, her face burning. Adrien's eyes widened. He covered her mouth with his hand and sat up just as Nathalie walked in. "Adrien, have you finished your Chinese lessons for this evening?" She asked, pulling out her clipboard.

"Yes, Nathalie." He answered, his heart pounding as he shifted his eyes quickly between her and Marinette.

"Your father has scheduled you an interview at 10 a.m. tomorrow morning for a teen magazine." Nathalie looked up. "Your script will be ready in an hour and you must memorize your responses before the interview. No Netflix after an hour. You must stay focused. As always, nothing rated R."

"Thank you, Nathalie." Adrien replied. "I'll be up by six tomorrow."

"Very well then." She turned and left. "Goodnight, Adrien."

Adrien let out a sigh and looked back to Marinette. She laid spread out from when he pushed her down. She began to laugh against his hand that covered her mouth, cheeks still pink. Adrien leaned down and kissed her again. Marinette stayed there, laughing.

"Perfect time to introduce me." She chuckled. Adrien rolled his eyes before pulling her up. "Maybe not to find me on the couch with his son though. The situation might seem rather suggestive."

Red spread though Adrien's cheeks. "I-I don't know if they would've thought that." He rubbed the back of his neck. "You know what? Let's watch some Netflix. We shouldn't have anymore issues until they bring me the script." Adrien grabbed the remote off the table and turned the TV on.

"Sure." Marinette stretched. She scooted closer and adjusted the blanket as she snuggled up to him.

"We should watch something completely scary and definitely rated R." He smirked. "Especially since it's getting dark."

"I'll leave." Marinette said. "I cannot do scary stuff."

"Come on, I never have anyone to watch scary movies with and . . . you can hug me anytime you're afraid. It'll be fun."

Marinette rolled her eyes. "Maybe for Halloween." She knew she'd go back on that later, but for now, she might win this decision.

"Fine. It is August after all." Adrien pulled out his phone and started typing. "But I will hold you to that. I'll set myself a reminder."

"You're insane." Marinette pushed his phone down.

. . .

45 Minutes Later:

Marinette was practically laying on top of Adrien. Adrien was still wide awake, but Marinette did fall asleep for almost ten minutes earlier in the movie. She slowly removed her arms from around him and tried to move, but Adrien had a tight hold.

"Adrien." Marinette yawned. "You need to let go."

"No." He held her tighter. "Stay."

"I have to go to the bathroom." She said. "And Nathalie should be bringing you that script any minute. I probably shouldn't be in the room when she walks in."

"You can hide like last time. It'll be fine."

"Yeah and I'll hide in the bathroom this time." Marinette tried to move.

"But you're so warm. I don't want you to leave me." Adrien pulled his arms back in defeat.

"You'll survive." Marinette patted his side and sat up. Adrien paused the TV. Marinette stood and walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

. . .

Marinette washed her hands, but stopped when she heard noise in Adrien's room. She turned the water off and quickly dried her hands before pressing her ear against the door.

"Make sure you have this script memorized." Nathalie reminded. "Your father wants to keep a clean reputation for you both. Even a simple sentence error could diminish our image."

"I understand, Nathalie." Adrien nodded.

Marinette turned around and sat on the countertop. She'd have to wait until Nathalie leaves and hopefully it wouldn't be long. Marinette turned to the mirror and adjusted her hair, combing through her bangs, but something caught her eye. Looking at the reflection, she saw a picture frame behind her with a familiar pink heart inside. Marinette hopped off the countertop and walked closer. She recognized it. It was her letter; the very first one. She reached on the tips of her toes and took the picture frame off the wall.

Tikki flew out of her jacket. "Is that . . . "

"Yeah." Marinette answered.

It was the first letter she sent him and signed, with the help of Chat Noir. The pink heart was kept new behind the glass, holding every memory. She read over the message all over again and burst into tears, covering her mouth. Marinette knew she had kept the letters she received, but she didn't think he'd save his as well.

Nathalie's head jolted. "Is someone here, Adrien?" Her eyes narrowed towards the bathroom.

Marinette held her breath.

"No." Adrien said, standing. "It's just me here."

Nathalie approached the bathroom. "I could've swore I heard something or . . . someone." She suddenly slammed the door open, making him jump. Silence. The bathroom was empty without any signs of something unusual. Nathalie straightened and composed herself.

"I must've left the light on." Adrien suggested.

"Alright." Nathalie turned around. "Make sure you're well rested for tomorrow, Adrien." She passed Adrien and left, closing the door behind her.

Marinette sighed from in the bathroom. She stayed behind the corner of the shower, clutching the frame to her chest. If she wasn't slightly eavesdropping, she might've been caught.

Once the coast was clear, Adrien ran to the bathroom. "Marinette?" He whispered, stepping in the doorway.

Marinette ran from her spot, setting the frame on the counter before meeting Adrien in a kiss. She held the sides of his face, pulling him down as she deepened the kiss. Adrien wrapped his arms around her, pressing her closer. Marinette's fingers ran through his hair as she tilted her head.

Marinette pulled back. "I love you! I absolutely, undeniably, really love you!" She blurted, kissing him again even though she could barely breathe.

"Woah." Adrien panted, cupping her cheeks. "What happened in here?"

"You kept my letter." Her eyes pointed towards it. "The first one." She smiled.

"Why wouldn't I?" His thumb rubbed her cheek. "This all started because of that one pink heart . . . plus your confidence to send it."

"Oh please, I needed you even then." Marinette rolled her eyes. "Without a certain hero, I wouldn't be anywhere near you right now. I'd probably be in my room with Alya, fantasizing about my next plan to confess my feelings to the Adrien Agreste."

"And I would probably be . . . at a photoshoot, still as clueless as ever, not knowing what was right in front of me the whole time." Adrien leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes.

Marinette sighed. "I'm so glad you found me that day."

"Me too." He smiled. "And I'm not going anywhere."

"I kept your letters too." Marinette said. "They're all in my desk in my room."

"I hope you have room for more." He joked.

"More?" She opened her eyes.

"I'm gonna have to write you a letter every week or so now." He laughed. "To keep this spark alive."

"You don't have to."

"But I will." Adrien kissed her. "Because I love you . . . and I always will." He grinned and grabbed her right hand. "Now let's go out." He ran in the living room and to the window.

"Don't you have to study?" She asked. "And it's getting late."

"Come on, Chat Noir doesn't follow those rules." He hoped on the open window edge with a huge grin. "We're gonna have some fun." Adrien grabbed her hand and jumped out, taking her with him in a freefall. "Plagg, Claws Out!" He called as he dove farther down. Marinette screamed the whole way. Once transformed, Chat Noir landed on the ground and caught Marinette in a swoop before leaping to the rooftops. "Let's go!"

"Where are we going?" Marinette wrapped her arms around his neck.

Chat smiled. "Everywhere."

. . .

@liebredavinci @i-am-so-done-like @yo-jes @ashtheteenagewitch @too-involved @ms-epicness @zazzlejazzle @cocoa-beanzzz @thedisneyestprincess @lightkeykid

#miraculous ladybug #MIRACULOUS: TALES OF LADYBUG AND CHAT NOIR #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #adrien agreste #marichat #chat noir #ladybug #final chapter #secret admirer #fanfiction #alicepink-me #love letters #tags #thank you all for your support #love story #ships

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prettywordsyouleft · 5 years

Text

Aftermath // AIRFORCE7

Summary: The war was over, yet Youngjae couldn’t quite find his way forward in life even with you at his side.

Pairing: Choi Youngjae x reader (ft. GOT7 in AIRFORCE7)

Genre: pilot au / late 1940s – early 1950s era / angst / fluff

Warnings: Due to the era it’s set in, this will contain minor war conflict in some of the stories. I will not be making the war-zone my main focus in this series however.

A/N: This story has a focus on recovery after trauma. It is dark, and may be triggering to some survivors. I tried to contain the feelings as best as I could despite the time period. Since Youngjae is known as our sunshine, I really felt this idea fitted him the best to play around with his character. Despite the high level of angst, I hope you’ll give it a go!

Once again, I’ve just edited this, so if there’s any errors, I will fix over the next couple of days.

Word count: 4132

This series will continue every Thursday until completed at 10am NZST.

Because of the war, Youngjae had missed out on so much.

He had lost the remaining years of his teenage youth by training to be a pilot, and subsequently spent the time he had planned on studying in the air force. Those weren’t bad times, and nor did he regret them. Ultimately though, the war had travelled his way and he had spent many more years losing. Friends, time, health; when it was all done for, he was as broken as a warplane with holes in it. Sure, the plane had been repaired with sheets of new metal, more rivets punched in to hold it in place. But the wound still sat open under the surface. Youngjae had dealt with some of the holes he received whilst flying but he was far from healed.

He wondered if he would ever be able to forget the things he saw.

It was when he was grounded in the midst of all the chaos that he had met you and fallen in love. He had never been much of a believer in love, yet it was the first thing he could think of when he saw you for the first time. Your smile breathed new life into his tired soul, patching up those internal wounds of losing friends and his own sense of compassion. The arduous way of killing enemies and throwing damage at foreign places was placated with your gentle caresses and uplifting nature. Youngjae hadn’t laughed in years nearly as much as he did with you during those short six weeks. And so, before the next orders were sent his way, he married you in secret, the only witness to your love being the pastor in a small town church and the skies above.

It was you who made Youngjae keep fighting. To win the war and bring back peace and prosperity. He had a new future building, and he didn’t want to waste any more time in securing his dreams with you.

Yet, he still continued to miss things. When away from you for weeks at a time, he was colder than he had been before meeting you. Your arms were nowhere in sight, and he was left to cuddle himself at nights, shivering with a loneliness that he couldn’t quite describe to his comrades. He knew some of them felt the same though, watching his Lieutenant and friend Jaebum stare at the photo he carried around everywhere he went. Youngjae had asked you for a photo soon after your first letter arrived, finding solace in staring at your captured smile until he was dreaming of it.

And through a new photo he received a couple of months later; he discovered he was missing out on something else. “You-you’re pregnant?”

You laughed down the phone line happily. “Are you pleased to know you’ll be a father?”

“Well, how soon will I be?”

“I have just under five months to go. I didn’t know whether to tell you or not, with the way things are right now. But I wanted you to know, Youngjae.”

He wiped back his tears, unsure if he was elated or crushed. He wanted a family with you, yet Youngjae had envisioned you being pregnant after the war.

Not during the midst of the hardest fight.

“Baby, you’re carrying a baby!” he said with a laugh, coughing back his tears. “This is amazing news!”

“You’re not upset that I fell pregnant so soon?”

“No, no,” he assured, his mind racing. “I just wish I was there to watch you grow.”

“You’ll be here for the next one,” you replied easily and Youngjae envisioned you standing there with a hand pressed to your protruding belly. The tears continued to fall, despite his efforts to close his eyes and entrap them with his eyelids. Without even being with him, you seemed to know. That was just how you were. “Youngjae, it’s going to be okay. You’ll get to be a part of our child’s life soon.”

“Not soon enough.”

“We’ll be the first people you see when you come back home, hm?”

“I sure hope so.”

He was air-raiding enemy fortresses when his daughter Younghee was born. You had suffered greatly, so your sister had told him in a phone call. The labour had been difficult and knowing he hadn’t been there to hold your hand tore open another wound inside of him. He started to resent this endless war, unable to not blame it for taking precious moments away from him.

You were right, however. When the nation had won the war, you were the first person he saw waiting for him at the airbase. And when he first held Younghee in his arms, Youngjae had cried as he soaked in all her little details. He had lost out on holding her as a tiny baby, though she was still the smallest life in his world. And thankfully, he had made it back before her first birthday too. For a brief moment in time, everything seemed settled. The nation now focused on recovery from the war efforts, and Youngjae spent every waking moment with his family.

But even with the war over, he couldn’t escape it all.

He woke with a start, snapping his upper body upright as he gasped for air, the endless firing sounds slowly fading into the background of his bedroom now that his eyes were wide with fright. Your hands were swift in enveloping him, holding him tightly as the tears stained through your silk nightgown from yet another nightmare. You soothed him with humming sometimes or rubbing his back in slow circles. And yet, you both knew sleep would now be over for the night.

“Daddy, look!” Youngjae glanced up from the newspaper he read and smiled at Younghee drawing happily on the floor. She held up her artwork proudly. “It’s you!”

His smile faltered at her attempt of drawing the plane in the photo over the fireplace. He chuckled all the same. “Now why would you draw Daddy driving a plane when he does a better job at playing the piano?”

Youngjae gestured to the grand instrument in the front of the family room, the one that was now his bread and butter. He had finally finished with his schooling, and now held a doctorate in music. Being a piano teacher seemed a far cry from his previous life, yet music had been a way of healing some of his wounds, making new sounds that he could play over and over to drown out the ones he had heard every day and night as a fighter pilot.

Younghee shook her head adamantly. “The sky looks better with Daddy in it.”

“Maybe one day we’ll get to see it too,” you mentioned, entering the room with a tray of assorted snacks. You smiled warmly as you placed them down on the table. “Daddy always did look rather dashing in his uniform.”

“Is that what made you fall in love with me?” he teased, and you nodded honestly. Youngjae grinned. “You sly thing!”

“Now, they had driven it well into the minds of the nation, pilots were there to serve, protect and look handsome whilst doing so. Why wouldn’t a thing like me fall in love with the suit that you wore?”

Younghee giggled. “I want to see!”

“Daddy doesn’t wear it anymore,” Youngjae mentioned softly, thinking back to the pledge he had made with his fellow comrades of his team AIRFORCE7. Jaebum had promised they would all continue on with their teamwork even after the war. Youngjae hadn’t returned though, no matter how often Jinyoung or Mark reached out to him. Now that he had his life set up with you, he hadn’t been back near a plane since.

Four years had passed, and yet the sounds, the crimes, the horrors, Youngjae wondered when they would leave him.

He had always loved planes, and flying had been his dream ever since he first sat in a cockpit of his Dad’s biplane. Now, he held another empty hole within him, unfulfilled from avoiding what he loved doing the most.

You seemed to notice his brooding and reached forward for his face. “Maybe Daddy should think about wearing his uniform again.”

“I’m happy with teaching music,” he stated, his voice unwavering unlike his gaze did. He stared up at the only image in his home that showed his previous career. Every other aspect of being in the war had been packed away from sight, in attempts to get it out of his mind. He clasped a hand over yours and smiled. “I’m happy with how we are.”

He found you sitting out in the grass by the outside toilet, the washing unattended in the basket beside you. Tears streamed from your eyes and you were as white as the sheets waiting to be hung out in the morning sun. Rushing to your side, Youngjae scooped you into his arms, wondering why you would be crying so much this early in the morning. Unlike him, you had always been bright, wonderful and optimistic. Whenever you cried, it was normally from laughter or jubilant experiences with your family.

There was no smile in sight today.

“What’s wrong?”

“Youngjae, I think, I think I was pregnant.”

“...Was?” he repeated and you nodded, your gaze moving towards the door to the lavatory. He stood back to his full height, slowly walking towards the door. On the inside, you had left something folded up on the floor of the toilet, and he opened it, finding why you were crying so hard. He clamped his eyes shut, trying to stem his immediate flow of emotions. He needed to be strong for you for once.

It took him some minutes before he returned, dropping back to his knees and holding you to his chest tightly. Hearing you unravel in his arms was enough to break him into a thousand pieces. He had already suffered enough in life, he thought, but now you had to carry pain as well. It was his wish to be the only one who was burdened with such a cruel twist in fate.

“We’ll try again when the time is right,” he murmured into the side of your head and you just wailed harder. “I’m sorry we’ve lost again.”

The miscarriage haunted you both. He often thought back to the time where you were telling him you were pregnant with Younghee. How he wouldn’t miss the birth of the next child. Yet, no child was coming your way. You had both wanted a large family, and he wondered if his scars from the war made him unsuitable in fathering another child with you. Before, when you had first fallen pregnant, you were both happier, laughter healing all his wounds.

He wondered why he couldn’t laugh as well these days.

“I think we need help,” you mentioned a month later in bed, placing down the book you had been reading. Youngjae glanced at you and you smiled weakly. “Maybe we are both carrying too much around to wait until we simply get over it.”

“We can though, and we will.”

“Youngjae, it’s been almost five years and you still have nightmares often. I know it’s not my place to pry or ask you what happens in them. I know I’ll never understand and maybe my sympathy will be lost on you. What about seeing your old friends again? They might help, you know.”

He stilled with his heavy thoughts, the laughter of Jackson and BamBam infiltrating his mind for a moment. He swore he even felt the friendly slap on his back from Jaebum and blinked back the tears before they had a chance to fall.

“I want to make you happy, but I feel I never will. You’re holding back with all the pain you face. Can you truly tell me you’re happy how we are?”

“I’m happy with you, I always have been,” he breathed, his voice unstable. “Y/N, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. And with our daughter, we are complete.”

“Are we? I wanted a big family, yet I worry I’m not a good enough wife since I can’t seem to fall pregnant or stay that way.” You blinked rapidly. “I worry I can’t keep you happy. Maybe I’m not enough.”

He watched you for an immeasurable time, your face falling with his lack of words. Youngjae didn’t know how to express them. He could force being bright and happy when he needed to. And he was good at covering most of his scars with newfound interests and the change in career. More importantly, he knew not to be ungrateful. What he had, his family, home, career; some of his fellow comrades would never achieve in this lifetime. He felt selfish every time he couldn’t smile, couldn’t laugh properly. When he looked at you, he still believed he was happy. You were a wonderful, beautiful wife and mother. You provided so much for this family, and he was proud of who you had become over the years. He knew his wounds somewhere along the line had become yours at times too. You had nursed him through the hard times and Youngjae knew without you, he’d be nothing.

How long had you soldiered on in silence though? Had you always viewed yourself as not enough or was that more recent? He was a doting husband and father, and you and Younghee were everything to him. Did you not feel his love enough?

“If you’re not happy, then I’m not happy,” he finally told you, long after the lights were turned out. You rolled over to face him and Youngjae kissed you softly. “I love you, Y/N and I know it’s hard right now. Maybe you’re right. That we need some help. I just want to see you smiling again and I’ll do anything to see it.”

It was easier than he imagined. The whole trip had been driven in an anxious state; you even taking over in driving from fear Youngjae would crash the car before arriving at the township he had spent his youth in. You had only been here once to collect him after the war, and yet every corner and every face seemed to serve him a memory, a story that he was eager to share with you and Younghee. He had taken over driving again; going along the lane he knew all too well that was just outside of the airbase.

Although it felt welcoming to be back where he was stationed for years, Youngjae struggled to look over at the grounds he had once called home.

Turning into the driveway that had last been overgrown and disorderly, he grinned at the grand home that stood before him, small children playing happily in the front yard. He chuckled as he got out of the car and helped you out soon after. You frowned. “Didn’t you say this place was old? It’s absolutely beautiful.”

“Why thank you,” a voice appreciated and Youngjae grinned when he saw the owner standing there. Mark shook his head at him before pulling him into a hug. “You have been missing for too long, Choi.”

What was only meant to be a few days at Mark’s home turned into two weeks of reminiscing, catching up, and learning all that was new in the lives of his six other teammates. He was surprised to hear the team force had been grounded since the day he left.

“What, you thought we could continue on without you?” Jackson mentioned with a shake of his head. “We’re a team and we were without you.”

“I distinctly remember us flying without you for some time,” Jinyoung quipped and the former grumbled.

“That was different, Park. Stop being a cocky asshole.”

Yugyeom laughed and pointed at BamBam. “Even this one who wasn’t ever the happiest in flying has missed having you up in the skies at his side. He claims he won’t fly without you.”

“And that’s not to say I can’t,” BamBam assured the men in the room, everyone laughing in response. “What?! I can fly, you bastards!”

“I’ve missed this,” Youngjae admitted and Jaebum nodded at him. “I was stupid for staying away.”

He had been so certain that what he needed in the aftermath of the war was to move away from it all, start anew in life with you. Now, Youngjae realised he needed those who mattered to him from his pilot days as well.

“You’re back now,” Mark mentioned with a smile, looking around his group of friends. “Why not make it for good?”

Youngjae took Mark’s advice. The move wasn’t too hard to achieve, with your previous home being sold for more than market value. You easily picked up work in the bakery Mark’s wife now owned, and Younghee was ready to start school for the first time in the fall.

Your new home was always full of laughter and music, Youngjae swinging you around the living room before being tackled by Younghee and dancing with her instead, much to your delight. Sure, he still had his nightmares, but facing it head-on by being back where his journey had started was actually more beneficial than hiding away in the town you had first lived as a married couple. His heart began to heal and he even met up with Jaebum’s wife and his old Captain on the airfield a few times a week to help train the cadets. It wasn’t something he had imagined returning to, but he enjoyed watching the excitement on their faces when they got their plane up into the skies.

“Will you ever climb aboard again?” Jaebum asked as he worked with Youngjae on a plane in the hangar. She was older than the new aircrafts and talk of animosity brewing overseas again seemed to have given a need to order more planes in. It was odd seeing the base so full of fresh war-birds when the last time he was here, they looked beaten, tired. Jaebum nudged Youngjae. “You know you miss them.”

“I don’t miss what being in one of these planes means.”

“I know, and I know you won’t go back to that. Intelligence reports are saying that the world isn’t at ease after all, and some of us might have to fight again. You know you don’t have to, right?”

Youngjae nodded softly. “I can’t, my life is different. Maybe I’m just meant to love planes from the ground now.”

“Before the war, didn’t we fly planes for a different reason?” Jaebum asked and Youngjae frowned. His friend scoffed. “You don’t remember sneaking into your Dad’s plane and flying it over these fields? Wasn’t it then that the Corporal went to your family and asked if you planned on joining the force when you were of age?”

“You remember me telling you that?”

“I remember a lot of things, some good.” Jaebum quickly shrugged. “Some not so. But I know for a fact, flying is in your veins. You love the whistle when there’s too my wind on those wings too. Don’t fly because you’re ordered to. Do it because you enjoy it. After all, don’t those kids out there call us veterans now? I thought I was bloody young, but they all see us as the last fights’ heroes. Shall we leave it up to them now?”

It was tempting. Youngjae stared at the plane he was working on, mindlessly rubbing circles with the work rag he had been mopping grease away with. He thought of how easy it would be to climb up into the cockpit right now and take her for a spin. The clouds always seemed so far away from him now.

Yet he didn’t take up Jaebum’s offer, returning home for supper instead. You watched him curiously all night long. “What are you thinking of, my love?”

“Huh?”

You smirked. “You’ve been out of it all night long. Did something happen today?”

“Oh, no,” he started and then smiled. “Well, almost.”

“Almost?”

“I thought about getting up in a plane.”

You clapped your hands together. “Really?!”

“You’re excited about that?” he questioned, surprised. “Why?”

“Because you love flying, Youngjae.”

“That’s not the first time I’ve heard that today,” he murmured, and then turned to face you entirely. “Would it bother you if I did?”

“No, why would it bother me?”

“Well, planes are dangerous.”

“So are you when you’re moody, you know that?” you teased and Youngjae laughed. You cupped his cheeks in your hands and smiled. “I think if your heart craves it, you should do it. After all, your heart craved me and you didn’t waste any time in making me yours.”

“I could have married you the very next day after meeting you. I thought my wait to have you as my bride was modest,” he told you and you giggled, wrapping your arms around his waist instead. “I love you, you know that right?”

“And I love you even more. Just do it at least once before you claim you can’t, Youngjae. You said you couldn’t ever return here and now look at how happy we all are. Younghee has made friends at school and I’ve met some lovely ladies linked to your brothers. This township has done wonders for us all and I know there’s more to come. You’re genuinely happy here, you know that? I’ve never seen you this bright before. It’s rather intoxicating.”

“You’re drunk on me?” he wondered and you blushed, nodding softly. “Is that so?”

“I’ve always been attracted to you Youngjae, but now I’m seeing my husband glow, how could I not be overwhelmed?”

“Hold onto that thought,” he instructed, hoisting you up into his arms and you shot him a look, tapping him on the arm as he carried you into your bedroom. “I want to make sure I take full advantage of this amazing mood you’re experiencing.”

“Is it ready yet, Daddy?”

He glanced down at Younghee standing beside the plane and nodded, leaping down off the wing he stood upon. “We’re almost ready for takeoff.”

“It’s not quite time yet,” you called from nearby, holding onto the lead of the little white dog yapping in excitement. You pointed to the sky. “The sun isn’t yet ready to set.”

“When will it?” Younghee demanded, stomping her foot in annoyance. Youngjae chuckled as he fastened the jacket she was wearing and then reached for her helmet and goggles. “Is this all necessary?”

“Do you want to fly safely with me or stay grounded here with Mummy whilst I go alone?”

“I’m coming! You promised!”

Youngjae nodded, smiling brightly. “Well then safety first.”

He helped Younghee up onto the wing before setting her up in the second seat in the cockpit of his plane, triple checking the belt was secured before he leapt back down to you. He reached for your neck with his hand to pull you closer to kiss you, smiling when he shifted back. Youngjae then bent down to repeat the action to your protruding stomach, and then even kissed Coco the dog as well. He finally stood back up with a grin on his face.

“You keep her safe,” you warned, though you were smiling far too much. “She looks so happy sitting up there.”

“Younghee is a Daddy’s girl after all,” he reminded coyly and you laughed.

“Well then this child here will be mine,” you decided, stretching up to kiss him again. “I wish I could come with you.”

“You’re pregnant.”

“I am,” you agreed, rubbing at your stomach proudly. “And you better not be out for too long. It’s just a short flight tonight, you hear?”

“I’ll be back in time for supper.”

“I’ll never believe you, Choi Youngjae. You love flying too much.”

“I love you more,” he promised, waving you off as he jogged back to the plane and climbed into his own seat. The sun was starting to send out its last rays for the day and he flicked at the gears expertly, asking if Younghee was ready one more time before making his way down the grassy runway, soon pulling the plane up into the clouds.

You were right, he loved to fly. And ever since he started again, he didn’t want to stop. Youngjae didn’t need to be up in the clouds to soar, though it was always exciting when he could be, especially now that Younghee was an avid young pilot herself.

Even when he was on the ground though, Youngjae felt like he was flying. You were pregnant and life was finally how he had imagined it would be all those years ago.

He finally had his wings back.

_________________

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ebelwrites · 5 years

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An Old Promise And A New Future

So, here’s the follow-up fic I promised for the DS Dreammare soulmate mark AU. Here’s the first one if you missed it: Here. Anyways, this one is much more fluffy and much less hurt than the previous one. And I hope you guys like it. To the person who sent me an ask about the last fic, I’ll answer later, I’m just really tired right now, sorry. But, for now, enjoy the story.

As soon as Dream was informed, he abandoned his paperwork and rushed for the front entrance. Even though the message had said that there were no injuries, he still worried. He reached his destination in quick time and gave the three visitors a quick glance over. It was true; none of them were hurt, but all of them were soaked and shivering. Nightmare gave him a sheepish grin through his chattering teeth. Behind him, Error was rubbing his hands together to try and keep them warm while Cross stood close by, warily watching Dream with a glare.

“Water pipe burst on the second floor,” Nightmare had to stop as a particularly strong shiver wracked his body, “Can we stay here for a while?”

“We know it’s really short notice,” Error shuffled his feet behind Nightmare, voice hesitant, “but we don’t have anywhere else to go.” Dream nodded and stepped forward, even though it made Cross start to puff up like an angry cat.

“Of course, we will get some rooms set up for you. Jack,” the golden retriever monster who was milling nearby perked up at the sound of his name, “get some dry clothes and take them to the changing rooms. Our guests will be there shortly to change.” The dog monster nodded and ran off to complete his task. The other workers, who had been hanging around in curiosity, were now alert, ready for if he should call on them. He scanned the small crowd, spotting a Toriel who was making her way over with towels in her hands.

“Thank you,” he said to her, the three soaked guests echoing his gratitude. He helped her distribute them, Nightmare giving him a smile as he wrapped a towel around the other, before turning back to the crowd.

“Jeremy, get a group of four together and start preparing one of the three-bedroom apartment sections. Löœp, gather a team of six and head out to the house. Check what damage has occurred and what can be salvaged. I will send you the coordinates.” The freckled human and the amalgamate both gave him nods of acknowledgement before heading off. He gave a look to the remainder of the people who were standing around, certain that they had jobs to do other than stand around staring and gossiping, and the crowd quickly dispersed.

He returned his attention to the trio. They were still wet and cold, but at least they would no longer be dripping water through the castle. They each had the largest towels still wrapped around them, while the Toriel took the wet ones off in the direction of the cleaning services. He gave her a nod of thanks as she passed him.

“Come along. Let’s get you some dry clothes.” All three nodded, though Cross did so reluctantly, and they proceeded to follow after him as he led them through the castle. Error gave him the coordinates for their house, making Cross let out an angry noise, and he sent it through to Löœp. He also sent a quick reminder to Jack to bring a binder along for Nightmare.

“Is there anything in particular that the team should look for?” He asked as they walked. “Important items or anything else of high priority?” Nightmare shook his head.

“We got everything important to us before we left.” The other male readjusted the towel around him. “We got lucky; we noticed the water soon after the pipe burst and we were able to get everything personally important into our inventories before it got wet. But the beds, our clothes, all the furniture; that’s all drenched.” Dream nodded and sent along the information to Löœp; hopefully, some things could be salvaged. Fabric should dry out so long as they got to it before mold started to set in, but anything wood might be ruined beyond repair. And certainly nothing electronic would have survived. In short time, they reached the changing rooms.

“There are showers at the back if you wish to have one.” The clothes he’d requested for them were set nearby on a bench, along with fresh towels. All three made noises of acknowledgement before grabbing the clothes and shuffling off towards the back of the room. Taking a seat on the bench, Dream took the time to check in on the two groups he’d given orders to. The group preparing the apartment were doing well, the apartment having been furnished to livable standards in preparation for a sudden arrival and only needing a quick clean and a restocking of it’s pantry and medical cabinets. The team with the trio’s old house was having a bit more trouble; they’d only just successfully shut the water off, not an easy feat with Cross’ special brand of magic maintaining the connection. But they were swiftly moving onto salvaging the items inside. It took about ten or fifteen minutes before the first of trio reappeared.

“I think I’m good.” Dream looked up from his phone to see Nightmare dried and changed, holding a bundle of damp clothes and towel in his arms. Nightmare’s hair was even more ruffled than it usually was and the clothes he was wearing didn’t quite fit, too big in some places and too small in others, but he at least no longer looked like a waterlogged kitten.

“Leave that in the basket,” he gestured to the wicker clothing bin near the door. “The cleaning crew will dry it out later; I’ve let them know to return your clothes to you.” Nightmare nodded and did as he suggested. Once they were in, Nightmare walked back around to his side and, with only a slight bit of hesitation, sat next to him. Dream almost froze but quickly forced himself to act natural.

Even after his apology, there had still been a lot of tension between them, both of them unknowing of how far things could go before making Nightmare uncomfortable and both of them unwilling to risk it. And it could change overnight; a particularly bad dream and things would take several steps back. But, in the few months following his apology, they were slowly but surely taking steps forward. They weren’t touching, but being so close with so little hesitation on Nightmare’s part was another step forward, and Dream was determined not to accidentally ruin it. It felt like an excruciatingly long time before Error and Cross returned and Dream was torn between wishing they’d taken longer and wishing they’d gotten there sooner.

“Was everything alright?” He asked as he stood, getting three affirmative responses. “Then I shall take you to your rooms.” With that, he led the trio out and started the trip across the castle, finding himself acutely aware of Nightmare behind him the entire walk.

“These are your rooms,” Dream said, unlocking the door and letting his little group into the main room. It was a combination of open kitchen and living room, a small dining table that could seat four seated on the tiled half. The place was well furnished but was clearly not lived in, looking more akin to a room at a show property than a home. He could almost read the thoughts of the other three when they looked at the room, wondering how they were going to turn this into a home with only three small inventories worth of items.

“You can change things around as you please,” he said to them, stepping forward in the hope that they would start to explore their new apartment. They didn’t do so, instead huddling together at the doorway. He internally sighed and tried a new approach. “Perhaps that can wait until the team comes back with what they’ve salvaged from your house. It may well be that a good portion of your items can be saved and then you can move them in here.” The possibility of being able to get their own things back brought a bit of spark back to them and they started to wander away from the door, looking around the room as though they were thinking about where their furniture would go once it was fixed and returned.

“For now, how about you decorate your rooms with what you have?” He offered, gesturing to the hallway and the doorways in it. “The apartment is stocked with food and supplies; I will show you how to order more later.” Error was the first to take him up on the idea, heading for the hallway and picking the closest room; he gave Dream a subtle wink and head-bob towards Nightmare, making him have to fight back a blush, before disappearing into his room with a request not to bother him until he emerged. Cross was next but took a lot longer to leave, locking Dream into a glaring contest until he finally gave up trying to intimidate him. Cross let out a child-like huff before pushing past him and choosing a room, pausing in the doorway to make an ‘I’m-watching-you’ gesture in Dream’s direction before shutting the door behind him.

“Sorry ‘bout him.” Nightmare had clearly seen the display and was shuffling his feet. Dream shook his head, taking a couple steps towards Nightmare.

“It is not your fault that he still holds a grudge.” Nightmare gave a stiff nod and finally started heading towards the remaining bedroom, turning around in the doorway.

“You wanna spend some time while I put things away?” Dream could see Nightmare start to second-guess himself as soon as he finished talking. “Sorry, I forgot, paperwork and-” Dream stopped him, stepping as close as he dared with a gentle smile.

“I can take the time off.” Nightmare still looked hesitant, even though it was with a bit of hope.

“It’s not gonna be very interesting.”

“I want to spend the time with you.” It was clear that was the right thing to say. Nightmare finally returned his smile and Dream could feel his soul lighten at the sight of it. He’d internally promised that he was never going to make his soulmate feel second-best. His younger self had done it too often, brushing off attempted days together by Nightmare in exchange for ‘obligations’ that ultimately meant nothing to him. It was one of the first things Nightmare had revealed to him when they started reconnecting; that he’d sometimes felt neglected and like Dream felt he didn’t need to give Nightmare much thought since Nightmare didn’t have anywhere else to go. He’d been failing Nightmare for longer than he’d thought. He was determined not to make the same mistake again. Yes, there would certainly be times when a prior engagement left them unable to spend time together, but he’d never let Nightmare feel like he was unwanted again.

“Alright, let’s start.” Nightmare walked fully into the room and immediately unloaded his entire inventory onto the bedspread. Dream walked in behind him and took a seat on the bed next to the pile of possessions. Nightmare spread out the objects, letting him see everything clearly. Dream cast a lazy eye over them while Nightmare picked up his violin case and started pottering around the room. He honestly wasn’t paying that much attention to them until something caught his attention.

“You kept this?” Dream couldn’t help himself and reached over to pick the object up. It was a small wooden ring, in pretty good shape for how old he knew it was, and it had a carved inscription on the inside; ‘D+N - Forever Yours’. It felt almost like it was made of solid gold, feeling so much heavier in his hands than it should. He hadn’t realised how long the silence had been after he finished speaking until Nightmare finally replied.

“Yeah, well, you gave it to me. Of course I kept it.” Dream honestly thought that Nightmare would have thrown it away, after everything he’d done. It had been so long since he’d last seen it, since he’d last thought of it. He’d made it for Nightmare, so many years ago, after finding a fallen branch in the forest. He remembered slowly whittling it into shape, then smoothing it, then polishing it, carving the inscription, how Nightmare’s face lit up when he finally presented it to his soulmate after weeks of work. He’d said that it was his promise that he’d one day marry Nightmare, as he slipped it onto his soulmate’s finger; he never wound up keeping that promise. It felt so surreal to see it again, to hold it in his hands. It was so small now, Nightmare had already started outgrowing it before the apple incident. He doubted it fit the other anymore, but the feelings behind it were still the same.

“Through the good and the bad, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.” Dream murmured to himself. He hadn’t initially noticed Nightmare putting down the violin case and walking towards him, but stood up slowly when he did.

“It’s been so many years,” he said softly, ring in his open palm and offering it to Nightmare, “but I still remember it all.”

“So do I.” Nightmare gingerly picked it up, slowly fiddling with it in his hands and not looking Dream in the face. Dream felt his mouth go dry and desperately wished he could pace the room.

“I still mean every word I said.” He barely spoke it louder than a whisper, but it seemed to echo in the silent room. It felt like an eternity afterwards before Nightmare curled the ring into his palm and finally looked up at him, a shy and gentle smile on his face.

“I think… I believe it.” And then Nightmare pulled him into a hug. It was gentle and slow, and Dream could hardly believe that it was happening. He forced himself to calm and wrapped his arms around Nightmare. Gently; after so long of Nightmare being uncomfortable with any touch with him, he didn’t want to ruin it now. Nightmare let out a soft sigh at the weight of his arms and rested his head against Dream’s chest. And Dream felt like he was whole for the first time in decades. They still had a long way to go, there was still a lot to sort out, there were still going to be stumbles and pitfalls and setbacks, but so long as they kept trying, Dream believed that they would make it one day. There was no need to rush, no need to push; things would take as long as they needed to. They would just keep moving forward, one tiny step at a time.

He wouldn’t notice it until late that night, as he was preparing for bed, but the soulmate mark had changed once again. The green, blood-free leaves were slowly growing in number, and a new one had joined the bushel, but what made Dream pause was what was now growing from the bark. A trio of tiny flowers had bloomed from the branch. Two tiny daffodils framed a little pink rose, all three neatly seated beneath Nightmare’s name. He felt a warm smile spread across his face as he stared at them. How pretty; he imagined what they would look like fully grown, alongside other beautiful flowers. It would be a very long while before the mark became a beautiful bouquet, but he liked to think about that day. It felt foolish, and perhaps a little childish, but Dream couldn’t resist pressing a kiss to the soulmate mark.

“Sleep well, Nightmare. I’m thinking of you.” He murmured, as his eyes closed and he drifted off into a slumber. Both so near and so far away, Nightmare shifted in his bed, soon settling with a sigh. A little patch of white clover flowers bloomed on their wrists as they slept; they kept each other in their thoughts and in their dreams, as well as the future ahead.

#ds dreammare #dreammare #dreamswap #ds!nightmare #ds!dream #ds!cross #ds!error #lets see what tumblr search has to say about me now #i hope this shows up in the tags #after the strange occurances with the last one

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theresnosafeharbor4myships · 5 years

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this is the first chapter in a series that takes place during TWD episode 9x16 “The Storm.” It’s somewhat of a continuation of my story “Swept Away,” but you don’t have to read that to follow this (though I obvi think you should :))

Through the Storm - Chapter 1: A Glimmer of Light (also on 9L)

“The cold set in. Fires raged. The rot spread.” – Ezekiel ________________________________________________________

Carol watched the pipes deteriorate, and with them, her marriage.

The fissures steamed with heat and pressure, making wailing sounds of pain, and no amount of tape throttling the cracks seemed to help. They wheezed and hissed, threatening to break and take the life they’d faithfully pumped into the Kingdom for years.

And she sympathized.

Ezekiel tried. He’d coddled and tiptoed, pleaded and pushed, cried and comforted, eventually turning his own grief into a single focal point of compassion—her—hoping to hold on to what they’d had.

Like the pipes that cracked more and more each day though, the tendrils of caring, the desire to continue, the push to move on, the hope of shared comfort only felt like ribbons of tape wrapped too tightly, hoping to prevent the expulsion of what it held.

She felt the pressure building, knew the gasket would eventually blow. Even craved the release from the suffocation of human hands and paltry words that attempted to re-strengthen her.

She didn’t know how much longer she could hold on before bursting into uselessness.

Ezekiel didn’t deserve the inevitable blowout, but no matter how many circles of logic she ran in her head, she knew she was done. They were done.

He remained all he’d ever been: kind, caring, loving, and fanciful. But she…she’d become fire and ice, burning hot with anger and injustice one moment, her heart caving in on itself, leaving her stoic, emotionless, and indolent the next.

He was a Romeo—and she’d become his poison, a sweet concoction muting the bitterness inside until it was too late.

He didn’t see it like that, though whether he couldn’t or simply wouldn’t she couldn’t tell. She just knew they were wrong now. Maybe always had been, but with Henry between them, they’d managed the farce for far longer than she should have allowed.

She loved him well enough. Had spent the past six years as a reluctant right hand to the gentle soul who only desired safety and smiles for his people. He believed they could provide that.

She’d known better. Should have shaken them out of their fantasy, brought them back to this hellish plain, instead of attempting to live in their clouds of fancy. Or should have simply walked away.

Oh, yes, she was bitter. But mainly at herself.

Had she really thought she could love a child into adulthood, watch him grow into a man? Could protect him? Could hold on in a world that ruthlessly, grotesquely forced you to let go, that wrestled your grip away one finger at a time, bruising and breaking as it went? Had she really fooled anyone?

Just herself.

And her king.

And now monsters wearing the faces of the dead had woken her up from the dream that kind of was to find she’d never really been inside of it after all. She’d tiptoed the edge, dipped her foot in the river to test their waters, allowed them to think their fairy tale would outlast the horrors visiting the outskirts of their kingdom, but she’d known all along. She’d straddled the line of waking and dreaming, hoping she could forget for just a while, praying it could mean something different than all the heartbreak before.

She’d realized too late that she’d played the fool, not the queen.

She sighed, staring up into the shadows above the bed, her thoughts too loud, the hurt in her heart too heavy to grant her sleep.

How had it come to this?

Her thoughts floated back through time, over the years of claiming not to be a queen while living as one, the peace she’d felt while others suffered. Past the loss of everyone she’d started out with since that quarry, save one. So many had ripped a piece of her heart out, she now realized she’d had very little to work with, to offer to the husband who loved her more than she would ever love him. Through the evil deeds both done and felt, most of which she’d never spoken of to the people she cared for. Only one now knew her hit list, the people that haunted her dreams even still. And he, so shattered by their collective losses, had taken to living in isolation, which worried and wearied her more than nearly anything else had. Settling on each one of her lost children. The years had been brutal and cruel. So much suffering, things no sane person could see and live to tell of without themselves becoming a monster. The injustice of each loss. The cruelty of motherhood.

An ache gripped her heart so tightly she couldn’t breathe for a moment, only releasing it when she thought she might pass out, and she quietly gasped for air.

She couldn’t pretend any more. She couldn’t convince herself she was in love with a man when only the love of their son had kept them together. Couldn’t pretend to lead people hell-bent on maintaining the innocence and idealism that’d caused her son’s downfall. Couldn’t act like she didn’t have some role in his death as she’d quieted the warrior inside with the fairy tale she thought she could have. Couldn’t live like she knew how to keep a city from falling apart when that’s all she did inside each day, every hour, second by second, cracking and crumbling beneath years of solid wear until she rotted like those pipes.

Who was she anymore? Not a queen, not a mother, not part of the community she oversaw, and no longer wanting to be Ezekiel’s wife. Her roles felt threadbare, like a cherished shirt worn and washed a few too many times, now see-through, thin, and faded, a paltry remnant of the fabric and color it once was.

It was time to throw it away. She couldn’t lose herself, not again.

She’d allowed herself to happily believe it wouldn’t—couldn’t—happen again, not with the fortifications of a community that needed her, problems to fix, a child to raise, and a husband to support.

She’d been wrong. So wrong.

Those things couldn’t stop the dark from creeping into her mind, clouding out all that she’d thought mattered. It didn’t make the ache lessen or the tears dry up or even the fantasy real.

It had all been make-believe.

Her eyes darted to the quote Ezekiel liked, so much so he’d had it painted on his bedroom wall, the one she’d even quoted to him on several occasions.

“At times we crack, only to let the light in.” The ironic crack dividing the words nearly caused a maddening laugh to rise up in her, but she tamped it down.

She’d cracked alright, but no light shown here to brighten up her insides.

In the two weeks since they’d happened upon those stakes, she’d realized her son had provided the light in her life here at the Kingdom; he was the reason she’d stayed all these years. Without him, she no longer fit into the fairy tale illusion everyone else thrived in.

Henry was everywhere and nowhere: in every room, in every person, in all their thoughts, written on their faces, a shadow that stalked her night and day, dredging up not only his absence, but the absence of what she thought she still had.

She couldn’t stay still any longer.

Quietly, so as not to wake Ezekiel, she slipped from the bed and snagged her shoes from their place by the door, glad she hadn’t changed out of her clothes from the day.

She knew he grieved differently than she did, but it grated on her that he could at times still find peaceful rest when it had escaped her nearly her entire life, both before and after the Turn.

A wave of guilt crashed into her as she stuffed her feet inside her shoes and tiptoed through the building. Why should she begrudge him snippets of peace in this hell of a world, from the pain of loss he suffered, from the struggle he faced trying ceaselessly—and lucklessly—to get her to open up to him? What kind of person was she anyway?

She sighed, disgusted with herself, and suddenly felt the cloying darkness around her.

She needed fresh air.

Moving quickly now, she shoved at the front door, springing out into the frigid night air, taking deep breaths through her nose, the cold soothing her burning skin and lungs.

“Carol?”

She swung to her right, her hand instantly at her bare hip as she realized she’d left her knife on the bedside stand.

Daryl stepped out of the shadows into the moonlight, and she relaxed, kept the mask she now wore on a daily basis on the shelf, relieved the voice belonged to him and no one else.

He’d been in and out of the Kingdom the past few weeks, first taking Lydia to the border they’d been given, then helping the fair-attenders return to their communities. More and more she hated watching him leave, fearful he wouldn’t return. The thought of losing him, of becoming unmoored from everything in the past—from the only other person on Earth who was there at the beginning, who’d met the daughter she missed with every beat of her slivered heart, who’d known both of Judith’s parents, who missed the family they’d built through trial and error, who knew a prison could be a home and the lengths they’d go to keep the ones they loved alive—sent an ice-cold terror through her veins.

She hadn’t shared much of her grief with anyone, but she could with him…and had. He’d seen her through this before, had become a stabilizing factor in the world that never ceased tilting off its axis. There was very little they didn’t share with one another after all this time, and her heart burgeoned with gratitude that he’d chosen to come back here after ensuring the community groups made it home safely.

She knew it was for safety, yes. But she also knew he wouldn’t leave her until he knew she’d come through the darkness. It was his way, had become their way through the many goodbyes fate had forced them to say. The gravitational pull they had always felt strongest when the other threatened to spiral out of control.

Guilt came again, that she couldn’t share her sorrow with Ezekiel, who’d also lost his child, but she brushed it away for the moment, basking in the comfort of her closest friend, the one presence that didn’t invade or push but merely supported and had only ever unconditionally loved.

Nearly overcome with her warring emotions, she focused on the man before her. Shaggy hair she’d recently trimmed—she hadn’t realized how much she’d missed him, missed his unassuming nature, his quiet loyalty and rough edges, until she’d visited him with Henry—broad shoulders carrying his ever-present crossbow, solid stance that had supported her far more times that anyone else knew.

“You okay?”

She swallowed hard, unable to pretend with him, not wanting to lie. “I’m trying to be.”

He moved toward her. “Where’s your coat? ‘S freezing out here.”

“I…it’s…” She motioned back towards the building as he set his bow down on the steps and shrugged out of his own jacket. “Daryl…” She meant to protest, but his name on her lips sounded more like a sigh, and she couldn’t think clearly. All she knew, all she felt, was relief. Relief that she didn’t have to fight alone, that she didn’t have to keep up appearances for people who’d suffered, yes, but had peacefully lived behind the safety of walls since the beginning. Didn’t have to hide behind her own walls or pretend she belonged or that she was working through her grief instead of it taking her over. Didn’t have to wonder who she was around him or how to act or what to say. She could be silent and still or rant and rave or fall in a sopping mess or fume with fire and he would stay. Stay with her and by her and for her and let her work through the mess of life with silence and support and remind her of who she was and could be.

She needed him here.

Daryl slung the jacket around her shoulders and rubbed her arms, transferring his warmth into her cold limbs and freezing heart. She stared up at him in wonder, the moonlight falling behind him, casting his face in shadow. But she didn’t need the light to know the contours of his face, the lines of scars he hid beneath his hair, the tired, squinty eyes and high cheekbones, the mole on the left side of his face, the scruff that circled his mouth, his strong jawline. She knew the comfort of the arms that would catch her—had caught her—when she fell. And had helped right her again.

How could a person feel like home? His arms a sanctuary? His presence a balm? His friendship more important than any other relationship she’d ever had next to those with her children?

How could she get through this without him?

His hands slowed their movements, and he gently gripped her biceps. “You warm enough?”

She swallowed hard, past the realization that she’d always had a home where he was, that the kingdom felt more like a cage without Henry. That only one place lent light to the darkness inside her.

Staring up at him, she felt the first glimmer of warmth ease into the cracks in her soul.

At times we crack, only to let the light in, she thought.

“Yeah,” she answered softly, resolutely.

“Wanna sit down?” Daryl gestured toward the gazebo in the courtyard where a few blankets lay rumpled on the bench and his lantern sat, casting off a soft glow.

She needed to. Her world had just shifted, and she felt off-kilter, unsure of what lay ahead but desperate for warmth.

She nodded, and he slipped his arm around her shoulders, mooring her to his side as they walked toward the light.

#caryl #carol x daryl #daryl x carol #caryl fanfiction #caryl fanfic #my writing #personal #through the storm

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iwillgiveyoumyhappiness · 5 years

Text

Dumb Crap My Friends and I Wrote WAY Too Far Past Midnight

(A/N) Also, here’s a challenge. Try to name as many of the K-pop stars here as possible, ‘cause I ain’t labeling them~. Good luck, and remember! Google is a sin when it come to this. ;3

1:03 AM

The pit-pat or rain harmonized beautifully with his laugh, I realized. Or maybe the comforting sound of his chuckling could fit in anywhere, making any place seem familiar and cozy.

He had his head thrown back, laughing at a witty remark I had made. The last echoes of his laugh faded around the gazebo that we had sheltered under when we got caught in the downpour.

His friendly brown eyes caught mine, and for a moment, we just stared, being lost in each other. He then pulled me into a hug, and I felt his still-wet hair against my cheek as he whispered,

“I’m so lucky to have you.”

1:11 AM

He liked it when you wore his clothes, especially since he was away so often. It made him feel closer to you, and he was quite used to coming home and seeing you in his hoodies and tee-shirts, saying you missed him. And sometimes, you’d steal his snapbacks and beanies when you went out for dates, or you’d slip on one of his necklaces or rings—but that really didn’t matter.

He loved it, even if he never said it.

Though, on a lazy day spent with you, just simply playing video games, binge-eating junk food, and playing Just Dance in the living room, he definitely wasn’t expecting to see you in his socks. It was a surprisingly pleasant surprise.

They folded over your toes, so clearly too big for you. The red and white color looked good against your skin, and they made you walk with a slight waddle, so he didn’t mind too much about the invasion of his sock-drawer.

That day, he finally had enough confidence to let you know that you looked cute in his clothes.

1:25 AM

I didn’t mind chilling in the dorms with him at midnight, just playing video games until four in the morning.

He was enough.

1:50 AM

He was your soulmate.

He’s literally your best friend, and when you first met, you just clicked, and you wanted to hang out more. So, you end up cooking for the rest of the group a lot together, even though you get teasing from the maknae-line saying that you two are the antonym of “manly”.

1:58 AM

(A/N) ...We were on a SKZ binge, okay?

When I first met him, he was super annoyed with me—everything about me, really—because he couldn’t understand a word I said. I made it a personal challenge to befriend him, no matter what it takes.

Slowly, after he got to know me for a while, he got softer around me, until one day, he just started acting flat-out cute, finally signalling that I had succeeded in the difficult task of getting close to him.

2:04 AM

In the future, you would hear him take six different tones of breath.

1. A breath of surprise, because you did something that made him really happy. Honestly, that could’ve just been your presence, expected or otherwise.

2. A breath of relief, because you caught him when he was tripping over something.

3. A breath of content, because that day was the day you were both allowed a moment of peace just to enjoy each other.

4. A breath of frustration, because of your first real argument.

5. A breath of boredom, because you ran out bored-games to play on your dope sleepover.

6. A breath of exhaustion, because, damn, pillow-fights take a lot out of you.

2:08 AM

(A/N) The way my friend wrote this, I’m pretty positive it’s from the point of view of the member she wrote about.

When I first saw her, I thought she was a queen. I was captured by the brightness she left behind, everywhere she went.

I saw her demonic side too, believe me, but I still believed her to be the best—and pretty much—most adorable person on earth.

One day, we had an entire in-depth discussion about it, just for fun’s sake.

In the end, she even told me she thought I was handsome.

2:12 AM

As it happens, that day, we went to the ocean together, as a random late-night adventure. It was like a dream, and we decided to do it just for the sake that neither of us wanted to be alone.

2:17 AM

The thought of you sparked an interest in him. Slowly, as your relationship improved, he saw the entire picture like a panoramic shot.

For the rest of his life, you would be by his side all of the time. You were massively important to him, even if no one else even mentioned you.

Sometimes, it felt as though you were only acknowledged by him; just a ghost that only he could see.

And that was okay.

2:25 AM

The vocalist had a best friend. The way they met was unconventional, to say the least.

When he first met his best friend, a nice fella of a reasonably tall stature, he thought he was a girl. He liked the smell of his perfume (actually his cologne), they had similar interests, and it got to the point where all he wanted to do was see him all day, everyday.

But when he found out the truth, he laughed at himself, and settled for inviting his best friend, now a confirmed male, over to the dorms for a round or two of Overwatch.

Conclusion? Friends are dope. Especially when they forgive you for those kinds of dumb mistakes.

2:30 AM

(A/N) My friend wrote this and, of course, we were exhausted, so there were tons of spelling errors, so I had to read it over so many times to even understand what was going on here. XD Even now, I’m still like, “wth”.

At first, he thought I was a guy—which happens to me fairly often, for some odd reason... I brushed it off because it was such a common mistake, and told him that I was actually, in fact, a girl.

It was clear, after I told him, that he thought I was the biggest, greatest, most interesting thing in the world! Not sure why, but there ya go, mate. He gave me lots of compliments for having the courage to tell him, even though it must’ve been “perilous”.

That day, he bought me milk, as an apology.

(A/N) Milk...?—what the heck? XD I’m just curious, that’s all.

2:39 AM

You and him met by chance. A mutual friend introduced you, and you knew from day two that you’d never go back.

You tended to adore it when you were together, and you enjoyed just sitting across from each other, sometimes having deep conversations, and other times, just reading or messing around on your phones.

You trusted each other not to disturb the beautiful peaceful silences you created together. They were too precious.

2:45 AM

(A/N) ...sleep deprivation really caught up to us here, but I ain’t questioning it.

I first met him—this eccentric and special young man—when he was in need of help. I was close-by, and he called out to me, hoping I would be caring enough to assist him.

For some reason or another, he was building a chair. I helped him finish that chair. Soon after that, we started grabbing coffee together, and became fast-friends.

Months after that, he asked for my help in writing a song, so of course I was there for him! He trusted my opinions, so I wouldn’t let him down.

We laughed a lot during that time, I recall... His laugh is one of my favorite sounds in the world, so I always tried to make him laugh. That’s why I usually told him the story about me hitting the nail with the hammer.

(A/N) You’d get the nail and hammer joke if you knew my friend.

2:53 AM

(A/N) I think this is an AU or something?? ‘Cause if not—WHY IS HE FIXING A ROOF?

Your first meeting with him was actually pretty strange. This guy—the dude you eventually fell in love with—is actually the guy who patched the hole in your roof after a bad storm.

He coordinated with you, a famous illustrator, to design the most amazing roof possible! And now? Ten years later?

You’re happily married and have three kids.

(A/N) ...I have no words. XD

(A/N) Well... That was a wild ride. XD Hope you enjoyed our crack-headed antics!

Have a wonderful rest of the year, and I hope you can make all your goals work out! Remember: “Goals are attainable dreams!”

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royalriii · 6 years

Text

Saioumota Week Day 4

Please, do not hesitate to point out any errors in characterization, grammar, spelling or otherwise. I will do my best to fix it immediately.

@saioumotaweek

(Secrets/Blood/Jealousy)

Stupid… his own stupidity led him here. He should've known better that the lead had been a trap.

And now all he could do was wait for the Grim Reaper as warm red liquid seeped into his clothes, and left him with a headache as he looked down at it.

Just breathe, Shuuichi.

He called the emergency number. He'd informed Kokichi and Kaito of his whereabouts through a call.

The knife was still in his stomach blocking the blood as he calmly lay flat on the cement and looked at the stars he and his boyfriends had shared many happy memories with.

It would be all over the news. Saihara Shuuichi, the protagonist and Ultimate Detective of the last ever Danganronpa 53 was dead.

Another victim to the notorious Kibou Kiraa who had also taken the life of Akamatsu Kaede six months prior.

Kaito and Kokichi… he didn't know how they'd handle it. He'd seen them deal with hardships, sure. But losing a loved one as he knew he was to them could not compare to debt or sickness.

But they were strong and they'd make it through, he knew that too.

---

“Hey… you're a Gemini aren't you, Kokichi?” Kaito asked.

"Yup! My starsign fits me to a T! It's perfect for a two- faced liar such as me. Hey… that rhymed, I'm a poet, didn't know it."

Kaito simply ignored that and pointed to the sky. "It's visible tonight. Look here."

"Ehh?! That's it?! The supreme leader of evil, aka me deserves something much more extravagant!"

"Ah, um…" Shuuichi began. "Well… I don't know what extravagant is by your standards but… it's gorgeous. Like you."

“…” He didn't need to look at Kokichi's face to know that he was blushing.

Kaito laughed. "Nice job, Shuu. Now, let's see… over here this constellation is…"

---

It was that time of the year again, Shuuichi's breath was labored but he couldn't forget how Gemini looked. Not after that wonderful night.

It felt like Kokichi was with him in a way. And after the autopsy on his body had been completed…

He and Kaito would at least be pleased to know he didn't go down without a fight. He'd scratched the culprit's face and drew blood. He'd made sure not to disturb the knife's fingerprints.

Along with the evidence he had gathered so far it was only a matter of time before the culprit would be caught and charged for the serial murders of all the Danganronpa protagonists who were simply trying to live out normal lives and recover from that hell.

"Shuu! Shuu! Where are you?!"

…Was someone looking for him?

---

“Hey, could I tell you two something?” Shuuichi asked flopping on to the ground after his final sit up.

“Yeah, sure.” Kaito responded.

“Something to tell me? Well, what is it? Say it right away and maybe I won't send my organization after you."

“I don't... nn… I don't know exactly when it happened. Or how even. But… I think, at some point I fell in love. With both of you.”

“I love you too, Shuuichi. And I hate to admit it but Kokichi as well. Though… it might be hard to pull this off.”

Kokichi's face was an unreadable blank slate. He looked at both of them and met their eyes. “Kaito's right, y'know? If all three of us date it might be reeaallly hard to pull off. People can't mind their own beeswax sometimes. Even if no one's hurting them.”

“I'm aware of that. I just, I just…fell in love, you know? If you don't want to, I'm sorry. I won't-”

“But.” Kokichi cut him off. “If you realllly wanna date the supreme leader of evil then I'm willing to try.” His expression suddenly turned soft. “For my beloved Shuumai and Momo of course.”

“Yeah, I do. And I'm willing to as well." Shuuichi said, relieved that it had gone smoothly.

“So, boyfriends?" Kaito asked.

“Yeah. I'd love that.” Shuuichi affirmed, smiling as he quickly kissed Kaito and Kokichi.

---

"He's here! He's here!" His vision was blurry as he tried to focus on who'd found him.

Warm purple eyes… ridiculously curly hair…

As he tries to speak he chokes on his own blood. "Ko…ki…ch-chi?"

“I'm here. Momo too.” The voice sounds like it's about to cry. He smiles and weakly tries to move something, a hand or whatever. But all he has the strength to do is blink.

“Hey! You! Get him on a stretcher! Now! He has to make it!” A brash voice sounded. He'd know it anywhere. Kaito…

He feels himself being carefully lifted up and placed back down. And then he's higher up, closer to the sky.

Make it? That'd be a dream come true. He badly wanted to live. Get married to Kaito and Kokichi, adopt a baby maybe…

A girl? Kaito would insist on naming her something after space. Like… Miya or Ayahi were pretty names, Shuuichi thought.

Well, that would happen in their next life, Shuuichi decided. He'd find them again and they'd live out the happy endings they all deserved. A family life with Kaede and Maki next door, their kids having a really close cousin relationship.

But for now, in this life, this was enough. He was with the two people who had always made him happy including in his final moments.

He looks up at the sky and easily finds Gemini again. This was enough. He lets himself be lulled by the running of the paramedics and closes his eyes.

He remembers Kaito's loud laugh and the way he was so expressive with hand gestures he may as well have been a foreigner. The way he always encouraged Shuuichi through hard times with such a firey spirit. The spiky purple hair and the tan skin and the ever-lasting smile.

He remembers Kokichi's nishishis. His cleverness and the way he'd always have a goal whenever he did anything. How he always perfectly timed a game, joke, or prank to distract them from frustrations such as a failed exam or being seen as only fiction after all they'd worked for. worked for and replace that frustation with annoyance or most commonly laughter. Creepy faces and adorable smiles.

He 'd find them again, someday. He swore that, and willingly grabbed the Grim Reaper's hand.

#saioumotaweek2018 #saioumota #shuichi saihara #kaito momota #kokichi ouma #shuuichi saihara #saihara shuichi #saihara shuuichi #ouma kokichi #kokichi oma #oma kokichi #{ever ever after: my writing}#danganronpa #dangan ronpa

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gee13-blog1 · 5 years

Text

Here’s a little peek of the next chapter

Because I’m working on fixing all the many many error on the AO3 version instead of getting the next chapter ready for posting, so that I can feel less ashamed when people read the first story on Ao3. The errors there are so bad -why didn’t anyone say anything?!? Anyway, there’s 50 of you now (:D :D) so here’s a little reward for following me on here despite it being a barren wasteland. It’s a rough draft still!

--------

Santana meant to break up with Puck today. Breaking up with him was super high up on the list of crap to do.

When she saw him, he smiled that goofy smile of his at her, and instead she burst into tears. Confused, he pulled her into a hug whispering comforting words to her, hesitantly patting her on the back in little circles.

He wasn't her Puck. Didn't catch mono from some MILF when they were on a semi-break and then give it to her. Never had any threesomes with him and Brittany, or any sex at all with him (but she had been close -weird to think she was still a virgin and hadn't slept with that guy from Nevada during the summer a day after Brittany did, because she was jealous and confused and mad. Brittany hadn't, so she hadn't).

Hadn't tried to convince herself that she could see herself marrying him one day -or marrying him but still somehow living with Brittany.

He wasn’t the Puck she'd gotten drunk with on the hella old whiskey she'd stolen from her Dad; they'd drove for six hours until Puck's truck was out of gas and they didn't have any money left because they figured out Santana's dad has canceled her card in a fit of parental responsibility.

They ended up on the side of some nowhere road in Georgia, and drank the rest of the bottle then passed out in the truck bed curled up together. She'd woken up, then puked on him. It had been stupid and crazy and so many things could have gone wrong, the least of which was Puck crashing the truck, the most of which was alcohol poisoning, but they'd done it together, her and Puck.

She wasn't in love with him -hadn't ever been in love with him, but eventually...yeah, she'd loved him. They had dated over a year and if she hadn't woken up one day feeling brave and like maybe she could handle everyone knowing, they would have kept dating longer.

Maybe even after Santana found out he'd knocked up Quinn they would have kept dating...hell, maybe if Santana and Puck had still been officially together when Quinn found out she was pregnant that would have totally changed things. Who knows. Santana wanted to celebrate their anniversary of their first real kiss with Brittany without that guilt and shame of knowing she was officially with Puck, so they were on a semi-break when Puck had slept with Quinn. If they hadn’t been on a semi-break, it wouldn’t have happened. Say what you will about Puck, but he was loyal.

And the whole time they’d been dating Santana had been cheating on with him with Brittany, telling herself and Brittany it didn’t matter and didn’t count.

She sobbed harder on his shoulder, his arm around her waist pulling her closer. He was warm and alive and, she thought, hiccuping as she pulled out of his grasp, he’d stay alive. She’s make sure of it. She pulled him into the near by janitor’s closet.

“We need to break up. I want to still be friends though,” she hiccuped out before he could say anything.

“Santana?” He just looked confused and so young.

“I’m gay. Hella gay. I thought I could be with you -and you’re great, but I’m too gay.” She wiped at her eyes, and stared at him, “Please don’t tell anyone yet. You’re the first person I’ve told.”

Technically.

“Oh. Well, okay.” He ran a hand through his hair -hadn’t shaved it into a mohawk yet, and then grinned, “So do you mind if I watch if you have sex-”

She punched in him in arm, “In your dreams.”

“Ow! And yeah, totally.” He laughed, and she joined in, giggling nervously. “Do you think Quinn would go on a date with me?”

Santana took a deep breath. “Maybe. I think she’s got her eyes set on the quarterback to live out some high school fantasy she’s got.”

“Oh.” He shrugged, “Maybe I’ll wait. There’s a girl code, right? Probably shouldn’t ask her out for a month or whatever so she doesn’t say no because of you.”

“Yeah. Are we still on for Friday?”

“Do you still want to?”

“Do I want to hang out with your awesome little sister and beat your ass at Mario Kart? Hell yeah. We’re friends, that’s what we do.” Puck’s mom worked night shift on the weekends right now, so that meant he had to stay home to watch Sarah. They’d slowly built a routine on Friday nights -Santana would bring food and root beer over, they’d play Mario Kart and Mario Party, put Sarah to bed then watch a horror movie and then Puck would very illegally drive her home.

“Friends, yeah.” He nodded. Unable to help it, she hugged him.

He wasn’t her Puck. She still cared about him like he was though, his death still fresh in her mind even if they’d lost other people and she tried not to think about it. Weird, that even though she'd loved Puck...when Sam came along, she'd loved him faster and easier and more then she'd loved Puck, because in the end they were both dorks, even if she hid it really well.

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artificialqueens · 6 years

Text

You And I (Trixya) (Chapter 1/?) - Kiwific

Trixie and Katya were best friends for six long years. Growing up, summers spent at her aunt’s in Trixie’s small Tennessee hometown were the high points of Katya’s year. After her parents split and those holidays stopped, they lost touch for a while, their lives both unfolding in different ways. Now, after a messy breakup and an unexpected gift of a certain farmhouse, Katya finds herself living in the last place she would have expected. Everything is the same, yet so, so different. Not only because of her sudden crush on a certain blonde musician…but that definitely doesn’t help.

Notes:

Hi, it’s your local delusional flightless bird/piece of fuzzy fruit here. I can’t believe I’m finally getting around to uploading some of this. It’s been an absolute mess of words and ideas on my computer for months now. The idea from this came from a mixture of listening to ‘Little Sister" off Trixie’s album far too many times, mixed with my own feelings of living in a small rural town. I’m pretty sure at least part of it came to me in a dream. Any-who, this is still a WIP. I have a few chapters edited into a semblance of a story and the rest just kind of lives in my head until I find the motivation to actually write it down. Cool? Cool. Enjoy, comment, like, abuse me, whatever floats your boat.

Notes: Katya is 26, Trixie is 25.

Bronte (Trixie’s town) is named after Charlotte Bronte. Because I’m a literary nerd. Bronte is in no way a real place, I’m not even American so feel free to point out any glaring errors in that respect.

Also on AO3 under Kiwific <3 Come share the love.

It’s been a long time since you came around,

Been a long time but I’m back in town

And this time I’m not leaving without you…

Dear Trixie

I hope it isn’t too weird that I’m writing to you like this after all this time. I know - Facebook is a thing that exists, and a much faster way of communicating, right? I unashamedly stalked your page and it looks to me like your parents still live in the same house you grew up in, so I’m assuming this will get to you somehow. Hell, you live in Bronte - the postman has probably known you since you were two, has kids that went to middle school with you, and knows exactly where you are at any given time.

Anywho, the reason I’m writing is that, well, I found our old letters when I was packing up my apartment and wanted to tell you this the old-fashioned way. I know it’s been a while since we talked, but you’re going to want to hear this…

I’m moving to Bronte!

I can hear your disbelief from here, and seriously, I know. What the actual fuck, Katya, right? Believe me, I’ve been asking myself that question enough when it comes to understanding the decision on a philosophical level, so let me just give you the facts:

When Aunt Stevie died, she left her house to me and Anya. Annie moved to Russia last year and couldn’t give a flying fuck what happens to the place, so I guess it’s mostly mine.

I’m a college graduate and a free house is definitely something that makes my future look much less ugly (loans are painful and I want to eat something other than ramen before I’m thirty).

Recent developments in my life have made me want to get far, far away from New York, and what could be further than Bronte?

Anyway, I’ll be there mid June! I’d love to catch up if you’re around and reminisce on old times… like the time we made toffee “apples” for the town fair, except they were really onions. And the time I made your friend cry when she wanted to be Baby Spice for that concert we put on fat your church (you were the best Baby Spice ever, by the way). I can already smell that sweet nineties nostalgia.

Please message me when you get this, I don’t expect you to write back, plus I might be out of this apartment by then. The sooner the better, in my honest opinion.

See you soon!

Katya

P.S. Fact number 5 - I miss you.

June

Katya could feel the dust in the air before she even stepped out of the car. She stretched her jean-clad legs out in front of her, feeling the heat heavy in the air as she stood up. Placing her hands at the small of her back, she groaned, feeling the effects of her two-day drive seep into her bones. Looking around, Katya (not for the first time ) questioned the wisdom of her decision to relocate to a southern state in the middle of a scorching summer. The whole plan was absolute insanity - who would have ever thought in a hundred years that she would move to Tennessee. This wasn’t the first time she’d had second, third, or even fourth thoughts about the move, and looking around at the picturesque town around her did very little to ease her nerves.

How the fuck did she end up back here?

Logically, the plan made sense. She had free accommodation here - a house that, beyond all belief, was hers alone. She would have time to write, time to sort her shit out. Time to stop moping over Rachel and get her head back in a healthy space. That, or she would slowly go insane with boredom. Or forced out of town by dyke-hating, pitchfork-wielding townsfolk. Too far?

Above her, the gas station sign leered down.

Bronte, Tennessee. Last gas stop for 20 miles!

Katya snorted to herself. Last anything for thirty miles, more like.

Filling up her ancient, cherry-red BMW, Katya peered down the main street. It had been approximately eleven years since she’d last been here. Growing up, her aunt Stevie had an old farmhouse just out of town. They would fly (sometimes drive, to Katya and Anya’s mutual horror) and stay for weeks in the summer, Katya and her sister spending the long, hot days playing in the fields, climbing trees and swimming in the river.

Katya barely remembered the town itself, but a few things stood out: the general store with its array of mismatched soda signs, the diner with the hideous pale pink facade (still faded and chipped after all this time), and the water tower looming over the long line of shops. It had been years, but to Katya it looked like nothing had changed. She felt her cynicism draining away as she looked around, fond memories of her childhood drowning out the panicked voice in her head telling her this move was a mistake.

They had stopped coming here when Katya’s dad walked out - a disappearing act to rival any world-famous magician- and while Stevie tried to keep in touch, it got too hard for Katya’s mom to stay close to her ex-husband’s family. Stevie had always sent birthday cards, though. Right up until the year she got sick. Katya’s mom didn’t know what killed her, but no one was more surprised than Katya herself when a lawyer showed up at her apartment in New York with the news that Stevie’s three-bedroom farmhouse in hicksville had been left to Katya and Anya. Anya wasn’t extremely interested in the news, she was enjoying her new life in Russia with mom’s family. Katya didn’t think she cared either, maybe one day they could sell the house and use the money for their own city apartments…

Until the shitstorm happened with Rachel.

She had been utterly blindsided when Rachel walked out, she had to admit that. One minute, Rachel was moving in with her and Katya was thinking about their happy future together. The next, Rachel was packing, leaving a broken Katya alone on their bedroom floor as she walked out. Katya should have seen it coming, and the fact that she didn’t was one of the things that had hurt so much.

The petrol pump stopped and Katya shook her head, trying to clear her suddenly foggy thoughts. Enough of that. She was away from Rachel and from New York. As far away as she felt she could possibly get. This wasn’t some bullshit heartbroken woman moves to the country to find herself after a breakup saga, this was just her… getting away from everything in the city that would sabotage her. Getting away from the version of herself that she was spiraling back into before making the decision to move here. Saving some cash in the process too, because hey - free accommodation would do a wonder on her savings.

Moving her car to one of the parks at the front of the station, Katya decided to take a walk and visit some old haunts. She had planned to head to the house first and come back into town when she’d settled in a little, but something was gnawing at the back of her mind. Someone, rather.

Trixie.

When Katya had written to her friend, she’d been a little overwhelmed at the excited reply. Trixie had messaged her the minute she received the letter announcing her move, and for a while there her excitement was contagious. Katya couldn’t help but feel a knot of anxiety when it came to seeing Trixie in the flesh again, though. What if it was awkward? What if they didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore? What if they had both changed too much?

Trixie had been Katya’s best friend for the better part of six years, despite the fact that they only ever saw each other in the summer. They had met one scalding hot day down by the river at the back of Stevie’s property - Katya and Annie went there everyday to cool down, and Trixie and her brother were swimming with their dad. A precocious eight year old Katya had snobbishly told seven year old Trixie that it was her auntie’s river and that her Barbie swimsuit was gross and too pink. Trixie had pushed her in the river.

They were best friends from that day on. Every summer, Katya counted down the days to their trip to Bronte, marking the days off in her diary (black, with a wolf howling at the moon on it. She had been a weird kid). They swam, played in the fields, terrorized the locals of Bronte year after year. They told each other everything, sharing their deepest secrets, navigating the joys and disappointments of growing up. When they weren’t together, they wrote to each other. Almost every week, Katya would get a letter on brightly colored Lisa Frank stationary, Trixie’s neat handwriting filling the pages. Her own letters were scrawled back as fast as she could write them, words falling from her as she tried to fit her thoughts onto the small pages. When Katya’s parents started fighting, Trixie was the first person to know. When Trixie got her first period, Katya had been the person she had written to.

When Katya’s dad left, she’d written a letter to Trixie that had to be at least seven pages long. She had been so angry, so scared, so worried about what to to when her mom barely came out of her room. Trixie told her everything would be okay, and it was. Eventually, it was. The next summer, however, had confirmed Katya’s growing suspicions. They didn’t go back to Bronte.

She and Trixie had kept up their friendship through letters and occasional phone calls, but these tapered off over time. New friendships came along, more for Trixie than for Katya, but eventually the letters stopped all together. Katya thought of her sometimes when looking at the photos in her mom’s old albums - her favourite was one of the two of them passed out on a mattress in the back of a pickup truck after a party at Stevie’s place, straw in Trixie’s thick hair and a blanket covering the two of them.

A few years ago, Trixie had sought her out on Facebook and they had talked occasionally, reminiscing about old times. Katya didn’t realize until she shamelessly stalked Trixie’s profile how much she had genuinely missed the other girl, and she’d been startled to realize she was crying after finding the same picture of them in the truck in an album Trixie had labelled ‘Old times’.

Katya couldn’t help but steel herself for disappointment as she prepared for the move to Bronte. She logically knew that things couldn’t be like they used to be - there was no way they could just pick up where they left off and be as close as they had been, and that was fine. They had been kids. Trixie had her life her, her friends, she probably didn’t need Katya hanging around all the time. Katya wanted to try, though, she wanted to give their friendship a second shot.

In truth, a friend was what she desperately needed right now.

#lesbian au #cisgirl au #friends to lovers #trixya #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #fluff #eventual smut #kiwific #violet chachki #pearl liaison #vatya in later chapters #tw mentions of drug use #rpdr fanfiction #you and i by kiwi

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