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kiwanopie · 2 years

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Top 10 anime men who will lay pipe expeditiously. Haikyuu Edition. *Reupload*

cw: piv, dirty talk, general adult themes. minors do not interact

Akaashi |Run Time: Within the first month| Not exactly a prude, just believes that being more intuned with your partner is necessary to satisfying sex. Plus he likes the build up between general interest and sexual tension. If we’re being honest, he’s probably been thinking of putting his hands all over you since the second date. But he’s courteous enough to let you know that he actually wants to get to know you first. Likes to call you after work during the talking stage just to ask you about your day. Invites you over on his off days to make sure you’re comfortable around him. But again, he’s been holding himself back for a while. And he’s not too coy for a little phone sex in the meantime. - But, boy does he completely lose it when you crawl into his lap during one of your hangout sessions. Your friends still don’t believe you when you introduce them to the guy that “fucked you within an inch of your life” before you officially started dating.

Iwaizumi |Run Time: Within the first few weeks| He likes to believe that the reason he doesn’t rush it is because he’s “old fashioned” and that he’s mature enough to understand that “it takes time for these kinds of things.” Whole time he’s just busy. Trust me, deep down he knows if he had it his way he’d have you folded over three ways to Sunday after the third date. But he has the physical health of like twelve overgrown toddlers to manage and the team moves around pretty often. So, it’s just quick coffee dates and video calls for a while. But trust me, the moment he has time on his hands you’re done for. I suggest clearing your schedule before you meet up! You’re gonna need some time to recover.

Oikawa |Run Time: Within two weeks| First week down though and you can see it physically hurts him that he’s not fucking you as soon as he wants to. Only reason he’s holding out though is because he actually likes you, so he doesn’t want you to think that’s the only thing he’s seeking out. - But you know that meme of that guy who looks like he’s this 🤏 close to having a stroke with all those veins on his face? Yeah. Soon as he knows you’re on the same page though he’s slutting himself out to you like his life depends on it. And he talks the nastiest shit. Will tell you everything he’s been wanting to do to you and then show you in frankly exemplary detail.

Hinata |Run Time: Within a week| To his credit, he’s the most unafraid to let you know how smitten he is with you from the jump. Gave you your phone back after putting his number in with his info under “Shoyo 💕❤️” and told you to call him if you’re looking for someone to treat you right. Literally told you the night you actually hooked up that you were only doing missionary to start off, and when you asked why he replied that you were “Too pretty to fuck in anything but,” With all the sweet talk he uses in the week leading up, you’re not wrong for being completely out of your depth when he fucks you like he hates your guts. But don’t worry, the love’s still there! You’re even prettier when he’s fucked the brains outta you <3

Kuroo |Run Time: Within the first couple of dates| Class traitor often forgets the line between courting a significant other and a sugar baby. Thought the best way to charm your pants off was to buy out the restaurant you’d have your first date at and surprise you with a birkin bag. Isn’t ashamed to let you know he gets off on watching you spend his money and when he’s booking a pent-suite for your third date it takes a very necessary pause during dinner to establish that 1.) Yes, he wants to be your boyfriend. No, he didn’t know that this wasn't the right way to do it. And 2.) He’s only been spending this much money because it’s the only thing stopping him from cumming in his pants the moment he gets within a foot of you. Weird guy. Rearranges your guts like no one’s business.

Bokuto |Run Time: The date after the first| He tries…so hard to hold out, he really does! It’s just god you’re so fucking sexy. Everything you do has his brain short circuiting and he’s starting to want you so bad that it’s making him itch. Your thighs are so squishy and your lips look so plump. Everything about you looks soft to the touch and since meeting you he hasn’t been able to blow a decent load without imagining it’s you squeezing him so tight. Really, the only reason he made it this far is ‘cause first date jitters are a bitch and at the very least he has the decency to let you know he likes you first. - But then you show up in this cute little dress that keeps riding up your thighs when you walk, and the way you pout as you try to pull it down has his head feeling all fuzzy. He tries to stay cordial as he opens the door for you to slide into his car, but the way you smile up at him as he closes it behind you has his resolve breaking into pieces. Lucky for him you’re perceptive enough to notice the literal dick print in his pants the moment he climbs in; and he lights up like a Christmas tree when you suggest a quickie before dinner. Spoiler alert: It won’t be a quickie. Get your refund back on that reservation, sis.

Atsumu |Run Time: The first date| You can’t blame the guy for being shamelessly attracted to you, can you? Who cares about old fashioned courting! It ain’t worth the money if you ain’t walking funny? - All jokes aside though, he’s a firm believer in if two consenting adults like each other enough, they should be able to fuck whenever and however they want. Doesn’t find you any less respectable for letting him put your legs behind your ears on the first date. Although that was after he’d already bent you over in his car, folded you over his kitchen counter, and had you leaving drool stains on his hallway area rug. Eh, you’ll plan your next date in the shower - little hard to talk though with your face pressed against the glass.

Matsukawa |Run Time: Scheduled a time and place for you to link before hand| Hey, if you wanna turn this thing into a relationship then he’s up for that too. But he’s not gonna stress himself trying to hold back from fucking your pretty little brains out. Soon as he gets the O.K. he’s picking a time and place and hightailing it over with no stops in between. And he’s not bullshiting when he says he’s gonna fuck you stupid. The guy digs you out like he’s trying to ruin you for anybody else. But it’s not entirely his fault! He gets sick of carrying that meat missle around too 😔

Hanamaki |Run Time: Straight up just asked if you’d let him| Hedonist to the max. And no shame either. The moment he gets the feeling that you might be sexually interested in him, he’s diving in with no goggles. I mean, obviously he cares about your interests and your pursuits in life; might even think you’re nice enough to take home to mom’s one day. But that’s not what his mind’s set on right now. Only thing in his head is if he should start with collapsed doggy or drill you in from the side just to get you drooling for him that much quicker. But hey, dick was so good you forgot he don’t got a job!

Honorable Mentions!

Sakusa (Surprisingly)| Comes off as a prude because he apparently has “High standards.” Can’t admit that if he finds you attractive enough, he’ll just straight up fuck you. |

Terushima |Likes to “Do you like my tongue ring?” Himself into some pussy.|

Sugawara | Plays the part of a good loving school teacher just looking for a companionship. Gives it up as soon as he sees you’re into him.|

Osamu | “m’not a scrub like my brother.” No, baby, you’re a whore.|

And finally number one…

Suna! |Run Time: Text him at 3:00am and he’ll be there by 3:05am| Standing at 6’3.2 and 176lbs, you have caught the affection of a man who truly believes that “a hole is a hole” once he’s found himself physically attracted to someone. That’s not to say that he’s particularly loose with what he’s got but if you’ll take it? Once hiked to your place in the middle of January with basketball shorts on ‘cause you sent him a “U up?” Text in the middle of the night. Woke up the next morning with a fever but god was that pussy worth it. Fucks like he’s trying to prove something so you’re in remission for the next couple of days afterwards. And then will have the nerve to wanna be the little spoon after the fact. - Tries not to look as elated as he is when you finally tie him down but with the way he turns your insides into mush the night following, you can tell he’s pretty excited to finally call himself your boyfriend.

reblogs are appreciated 💕 ps, tumblr pls suck my balls? 🥺

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emptifylie · 2 months

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my depression is at an all time high. i broke my fast, i ate 27 blueberries, i don’t give a fuck. i’m currently getting high in my bathroom and i know my parents will say shit about it smelling. i don’t care anymore. i haven’t been in school in 2 weeks. i’m failing all my classes basically and i’m still not even skinny. my mom asked me today why i do this shit to myself. (she found out i haven’t been going to school) she told me, “all i ever see you doing is going to the gym or sleeping” and that it’s smelled like weed in the house all week. FUCKKKK SHES RIGHT!!! SHES FUCKING RIGHT!!! i want to get better. i can’t be this depressed forever. it’s going nowhere. all it’s doing is bringing me deeper and deeper down a pit i won’t be able to get out of. i’m gonna get better. okay i’m making a plan ok ok ok:

1.) clean my room(immediately)

i’m still really high but whatever i can try and clean a little

2.) do all my missing work

this is probably gonna take a week but maybe i’ll just get even higher and i could stay up all night getting it done(i don’t know if i’ll ever have motivation again)

3.) email personalized apologies to my teachers who are praying on my downfall daily… lol…

4.) fast for the rest of the month

yeah 15 day fast😭i did it last month and it really helped i need to lose weight quick to make me feel better (maybe i’ll do 10 days- 2day break- 4 days)

5.) stop getting high at the gym

i’m high 24/7 and i feel like it REALLY does not help my lungs to be destroyed when i’m doing cardio

6.) get sober…..

i think this is a battle to tackle next month fr lol

7.) sell my clothes

i have clothes from when i was really thin(also when i was heavier) and as much as i want to be that little again i think i need to let go of that for now. being that skinny almost killed me and destroyed my family relationships so i wanna hold off on being too underweight.

8.) maybe contact my therapist.

lol. all i ever did was lie to her so that she wouldn’t send me back to the hospital. but i need help. i don’t want her to fix my anorexia, im not recovering LMFAO!!! i want her to fix my derealization and depression and possibly my addictions in the future if that’s even possible

9.) take better care of myself

not eating more obviously but maybe just like… maybe not destroying my health daily or whatever idk bruh

9.5) go to school

(idk why i made it 9.5) i need to stop getting dumber and dumber and maybe learn a thing or two

10.) block my ex

lel this is when i’m in a better state of mind i can’t do that yet…

ok i have a plan lol now i just need to try

#ed vent #eating diary #only pro for tags #disorderd eating #4norexi4

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sixohsixoheightfourtwo · 3 months

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tag game: 9 questions for 9 people

tagged by @phneltwrites one million years ago (december 2023)

last song: Tell You (Today) (original 12'' vocal) - Loose Joints . this is a disco deep cut that I heard for the first time the other day on twitter. anyway . really really good. i invite you to check it out if you enjoy a bop. go here for an absolutely wild 16-minute version described by the uploadeder as 'super wigged out and funky'.

currently watching: cooking crush. pit babe. the sign. (not up to date on any of these . Sigh.) khun chai (almost finished. love ittt). ossan's love 2018 (listen .... it's good actually). 1670 netflix. Treme (super underrated series about new orleans recovering in the wake of hurricane katria)

three ships: restricting this to the thai bl context 1. I gotta say both jiutian and tinncharn made me absolutely wild in the last few months so i think i have to include filmjam/jamfilm, tho I don't really have any thoughts on them themselves, haven't really engaged with any extra content, i juuuuust think they made good shows. 2. earthmix is probably the ship that I've ended up thinking about the most .. . the lore.....the lore ... !!! i simply cannot comment on this. 3. again i am transfixed by the LORE for OFFGUN....... they've prevailed they've traversed they've grown so much. hopefully they can continue working together for years to come. also you know what sneaky extra one. 4. forcebook. they just have a nice vibe!!! i like it when they hug after doing an emotional scene!!!!!!!!! i liked it when they yelled about their love for each other on top of that bungee jumping tower so sue me!!!!!!!

favorite color: green green green of the sludgy / earthy / olivey tones. I am getting big into earthy orange / terracotta as well.

currently consuming: turkish tea & halva

first ship: ok . how deep we gonna go. stuff I was reading in my early teens. martin / rose from the redwall books. (redwall was the first thing i Ever read fanfic for.) will / bran from the dark is rising. There's a surprising amount of fanfic for them! marcus / esca the eagle of the ninth. tbh several of those rosemary sutcliff books have these VERY intense masculine warrior bonds and it was uhh a Lot to process.

relationship status: n/a

last movie: leos carax, mauvais sang / the night is young

currently working on: wine qualifications!!!!!! honestly not that hard you just have to learn a bunch of stuff & also learn a particular framework to apply it. but also. like anything where you take an exam. you CAN mess up. & also applying for jobs that will work around this.

tagging the last 9 people in my notifs who didn't already get tagged in the last meme @waltermeadows @sirtomksy @luckshiptoshore @toranj @errantpixxi @heathyr @officialhagfish @annmariethrush @smashlampjaw

#2k23 the year we do the memes we are tagged innnn #tumblr life #tumblr memes #music #fandom life #alas i am doing this now bc im avoiding a more important task.#OH forgot to tag people. ok edited now. sorry people

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weebsinstash · 1 year

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bro 😨 i swear some of these are actually psychological horror books

I think the problem at least for me is really how it's handled and a lot of these authors are like obsessed with high school teenagers having sex. Like for example if you just spent like several chapters describing all the ways she's been physically and sexually abused by her own father to the point she literally doesn't even understand what the mate bond or love actually is, like her dad fucked her up so bad he would molest and beat her and say it was love, and she's instantly terrified when she meets her mate because she fears his love too, and then the story will switch to his pov and hes like, LUSTING for her, that's not ok? That's fucked up, like tone wise?

Like for example i know teenagers who are 5'4 and curvy probably do exist but is it like truly appropriate to be describing how sexy and hot to protagonist is when she's 1. A high-school girl, a child 2. An incest victim and has been since she was 13 and 3. The abuse literally just ended like a chapter or two ago and she hasn't even mentally recovered

Rm for length

Like this story goes from her new future Alpha mate who is also a high schooler saving her from being raped, he literally walks in on, ew, her father forcing her legs apart, and then like maybe 4 chapters later "oh maybe to help her understand the mate bond and help her be more comfortable, we can have her spend time with these other two kids her age who are mates" and she's like watching them touch and cuddle and be physically affectionate which i find insanely inappropriate actually, she was molested and told it was love so you're exposing her to other people being touchy with each other? Like an actual talented author would have made the connection that, realistically, the protagonist would probably be massively uncomfortable if not outright triggered by this, like at one point she has a panic attack so bad she passes out. and the dude who is her mate like, tries to cuddle her while they watch a movie and stuff, and she kind of likes it, but from my perspective as an adult and as a reader i just keep thinking "can you guys not even give her like a couple of months before trying to like lowkey manipulate her"

Like for the love of fucking god I don't want to hear about how he's literally getting fucking hard by cuddling with her and his internal monologue about how sexy she is and how badly he has to hold his wolf back from pouncing on her when BOTH OF THEM ARE MINORS like GROSS, what age group is this story even intended for, it's going from really adult topics to like really tropey mid tier highschool drama bullshit? I don't want to hear the fucking boyfriend thinking shit like "she shifted just slightly, briefly putting her hand on my thigh for a moment, and it sent waves of electricity straight to my cock" when she's like. Trying to just watch a movie and let dinner settle into her stomach because she's so poorly malnourished she can't even take full bites of a sandwich, she has to tear pieces of it off and eat slowly bc she feels so sick. Like it's the WHIPLASH.

Like sorry maybe when you're still a teenager, shows that show teenagers being flirty and sexual with each other might be appealing, but im a grown woman, and it rubs me the wrong way, idk? IS there an appropriate way for adults to write about kids in this way? Sometimes it's cultural I guess but imo I basically consider everyone a kid until they're like 20, 21 and it just. It's creepy. Please stop talking about how this like 16 year old is gorgeous and doesn't even need makeup and she has double d size breasts and a flat stomach and a thigh gap and a fat ass but is somehow also dangerously malnourished like, it's very. It's just outta pocket. It's weird man and that's coming from me. I'm gonna listen for a little while longer but I just find the handling of her abuse a little bizarre.

And also like. They have her speak to a therapist about how horrific her abuse was and the therapist immediately goes to her future mate and is like "I'm not supposed to tell you this but you are her mate, so--" and just tells him all her personal shit. That should have been her choice to make. They're not giving her enough time to heal. Maybe it's just upsetting for me because I'm dealing with a lot of mental health stuff and these plotlines involving being manipulated and betrayed behind your back and not respected or having your own autonomy is really hitting me

#weebwolves

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headlessandhellbent · 1 year

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So I'm back in the Betta life 🐟

I can't take a clear photo of him to save my life, but here he is zooming around right after I acclimated him into his tank.

Long story short -

My mom has end stage cervical cancer. Through out her fight it's just been me and my sister taking care of her. I live with her, though. As thinfs progressed rapidly within months from 2b to 4b I started really thinking about getting another Betta. Just something to keep ME company in the huge house while my mom was upstairs in her room bed bound and I was doing ? all day trying to survive myself while taking care of her.

Cut two years later, mom unexpectedly goes into the hospital for a month and goes to hospice. Recovers in hospice and goes back to the hospital. Then goes way downhill. I'm alone in the empty house we shared basically just working and staying with her rotating. We get told again she's not going to recover to go back to comfort care.

I set up the old tank a week ago and got it running. Decided I needed an external filter for more room. We get notice mom's in bad shape and we put her on comfort care in the hospital now.

Today my sister tells me she has 2-3 days left according to her oncologist.

I've been scoping out the local bettas. PetSmart, the closest store to me... Atrocious. The worst, lethargic, dirty water Bettas I've ever seen. I drove to Petco on the way back from a doctor's trip and.. wow, totally the opposite. Happy, swimming, conscious Bettas. Beautiful. They had a big fat king halfmoon that was FAT. I fell in love but my tank wasn't perfect yet.

Today I drove to pet supplies plus also by my house. Seems like they got a new shipment of Bettas, but holy fuck, their square cups were disgusting... But the fish were swimming. Even in the dirtiest cup the fish was swimming actively. They had two dead Bettas in cups, though. Their display was also weird AF, on a side wall above a shelf of items for sale and up really high. You couldn't even see half the Bettas on the wall because they were too high up.

I bought one. The one pictured. He was in a cup next to a dead one. His cup had moldy poop. He was sporadic AF swimming/zooming around... But he came right to me and stared at me. Stared at me, zoomed around, stared at me, zoomed around. Call me a bleeding heart but I got him. Now that he's in the tank I see he has a damaged fin (kinda small, odd shaped, moving less than the other) and his body itself has a sharp curve in it. But he's active AF. Zooming everywhere in the tank.

Me and him are gonna try.

We're gonna try and live.

And even if we don't make it, it'll be okay because me and him.. we're gonna give our best effort.

They told us my mom has 1-3 days to live maybe. And I may be projecting life into this fish on her behalf.

Whatever.

Long story short I now have a fish again.

And I'll probably post lots of pictures of him.

Lots.

#betta #betta fish #fish #betta tank #bettacommunity #cancer #cervical cancer #aquarium #bettablr #fishblr #buddy

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brahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 8 days

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im gonna do this cause i see it everywhere and never have but idrk if people care so im just gonna do as much as i want all at once for fun

1 sw 172 hw 205 cw 173 lw 140

2 im 5'5 and a half technically and i wish i was just 5'5 or like a little bit shorter i hate being bigger than other people and i feel like its more ""excusable"" if im shorter? i grew up being the tall kid and hated it so i feel a lot better about it now since everyones grown

3 not posting thinsp0 cause i dont wanna get t3rmd or be too triggering

4 my greatest fears about weight loss are dying, getting forced into recovery again or institutionalized and just generally my mom finding out

5 the real reason i wanna lose weight is definitely mostly for other people i got over a lot of insecurity when i recovered but fatphobias a bitch and people treated me sm worse constantly than when i was at my lw

6 i dont binge probably bc most of the time theres not a lot of food in the house and ive just never gotten into the habit of it

7 i dont think my parents know? my mom might but if she does she thinks im just exercising again and doing it healthy style

8 i dont really have a workout routine im still trying to get back into working out but i do go on 20 minute runs like 3ish times a week and ive been doing small pinterest cardio workouts like burpees mountain climbers and other basics

9 people have made comments since 2nd grade lol thats a big part of why im back here

10 the hardest thing ive given up during weight loss was happiness honestly. it sounds cheesy but eds literally take over your brain food was the only thing on my mind and recovering was like euphoria with this giant weight (lol) lifted.

11 @lxllx3d is my fav thinsp blog cause i dress alternative and the owner seems cool and has good opinions

12 too many hard boiled eggs my cholesterols crazy and i have bagels pretty often as my main meal

13 lmao

14 my ugw is 120 and losertown says ill reach it sometime this summer or august

15 im not vegan or vegetarian but im hindu so i dont eat cow and feel bad about pigs being smart so i dont eat pig i try to eat as much chicken as i can cause protein is very important for not dying w a restrictive ed

16 i first decided to lose weight when i was 9 i would do these workout apps with my also fucked up friend. i saw a nutritionist (fuck you lady) when i was 11 and she told me to start counting calories on myfitnesspal (fuck you lady fr never tell a child to do that)

17 im an0rexic

18 sunflower seeds and pie are probably my biggest weaknesses (which is usually fine for sunflower seeds except like sodium)

19 the last time i ate fast food was probably like a month or two ago i had like fries and i live across the street from a fosters freeze (its like a dairy queen)

20 i dont really do diets i just set cal goals based on what i think i need/can handle

21 i wear like a us medium in tops and a large in bottoms depending on the store obvs

22 i already said but my lw was 140 and i gained bc i recovered (like professionally like i had a dr and psychiatrist and nutritionist(she sucked))

23 media probably definitely played a role in me thinking being fat was bad or just being aware of it in general but i think it was mostly subconscious

24 pro ana and pro mia are pretty dumb terms to me bc almost nobodys actually promoting it to other people or thinks its good we just want community i usually just say ana community or mia or ed

25 i have purged i cant remember the first time but i do remember one time i was hanging out with my friends at my house and we had rootbeer floats and i took a shower a purged it when they were in the other room which was super lame

26 im most excited to just feel lighter and have people notice again

27 idk how i deal with being around food sometimes i eat it sometimes i dont sometimes i give it to other people

28 a thigh gap would be nice bc chafing in the summer hurts so bad but i dont think its realistic for my body type and cause i still wanna be relatively curvy i def want more of a gap then now though

29 i think my definition of beauty is pretty abstract i find most things beautiful and a lot of it for people depends on actions and personality and little things they do i think beauty is ever evolving and cant really be defined

30 10 facts about me!! im an artist(bunch of different things but a lot of portrait paintings), im a smoker (both), im an ambivert but i act like an extrovert, i like kids, im german and have a really cool last name, im passionate about politics and social justice, im really passionate about the environment (i represent my school in this district wide youth environment thing and im taking ap environmental science), im very bisexual, i love riot grrrl music and subculture stuff, im a theater kid :|

#tw ed numbers #@n@ thoughts #@n@ diary #an0rec1a #anatumblr #light as a 🪶#ed numbers

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samuelroukin · 1 month

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soap hole anon to bronchitis anon (I am so sorry about the identifier. if it makes you feel better I was "seizure girl" for the last 3 months of high school [dw I'm fine]) I'm glad you felt it was okay to ask and felt alright answering. I do enjoy being a kind person and my question was truly from a place of genuine curiosity.

after I sent the message I realized that I probably should have said that I have many questions but would only ask the one. I didn't want you to feel like I was putting you on the spot or judging you or anything. I find human kinks and fetishes interesting (especially if it's not just "mixing up something or an experience with arousal") but never to the point of making someone else embarrassed. thank you for explaining as well! I'll admit explaining was gonna be one of my questions but I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable.

I feel like I kinda get what you're saying. I understand wanting to see a tough and stubborn character in a situation they can't just power through lmao. seeing being sick as "taking a break" isn't something I had thought of before! like yeah you can't do as much since your immune system is kinda busy but in a way you do have to sit/lay down and not do much, or at least are limited in what you can do. also the potential for someone else to take care of them (if you like that as well) to make sure they recover, or their body working overtime to take care of them instead.

I had to take some biochemistry classes for my college degree so I understand how things work in the body is interesting. shit gets wild.

the main reasons why I asked about TB specifically is 1. I have read some of those books (they were interesting) and 2. a few years ago my sister had a classmate who one day just said "oh btw I'm TB positive" and everyone took a step back, which kinda makes me crack up

to ben: sorry for using you as a vessel and thank you for letting us talk through you. finding your blog and seeing that "he's so eyeball" thirst(?) post changed my life for the better and not just because I realized armpits 😳🥵

passing it on 🫡

#anon #asks

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onlyherefortheshowmances · 1 year

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1 week from today is my last day in the apt. I’ll put the whole description of the situation below a read more if you haven’t heard about this yet.

Please continue to share and donate as you can.

eB@y Listings (more to come): https://ebay.com/usr/dandyc60

GFM: https://gofund.me/978fb41c

V$nmo: @.clbrown91

I also have Chime, so moots if you do, too and wanna transfer that way, DM me.

Hi, I'm Cassie. I'm 32, and I have a laundry list of mental and physical disabilities that have made it impossible for me to work any longer (since September 15, 2022). I have undergone a lot of testing and am still working out with some providers exactly what is causing all of my symptoms. Most notably I am switching PCPs for the 2nd time in a month (but at least I’m just switching back to where I should’ve just stayed at the office my mom still goes to and a doctor I know from when I went there as a teen/young adult) and rheumatologists for the second time in 3 months (because the one I actually liked left the practice). I also need to see dermatology, but the soonest new patient appointment at any location in their network (that takes my insurance) when I called them in December 2022, was in SEPTEMBER 2023, so that’s gonna be awhile.

I managed to escape January and February's rent at my current apartment thanks to the donations I received on this fundraising page. However, there was a hearing on April 4 before the local judge for my eviction due to non-payment of rent. I was able to explain to the judge and rep from my rental agency (who went to school with my mom; small town) what was going on, and the judge agreed (as did the rental agency) to what’s called a pay and stay. I had 10 days (until April 14) to pay them all the back-owed money and then could just keep paying every month. Of course that did not happen and earlier this week a notice was taped to my door that I will be forcefully evicted May 1 at 12:01 am if all back owed rent and and their legal fees (which I don't plan to do at this point because it’s just a game.)

Going forward, my plan is to obtain a larger vehicle that it would be more possible to live out of (a van or or larger SUV). If anyone local (Central PA) has any leads on somewhere or someone that might have a relatively inexpensive minivan or cargo van-type vehicle available, please let me know. As I, unfortunately, totaled my car last Wednesday (April 19) coming home from Urgent Care no less, I no longer have that trade value to rely on even. So I need to come up with at least $3k to just buy an old but operational van and ideally as soon as possible so I can start figuring out what I can keep with me, what will go to storage, and what I can sell or donate or throw away.

The county in which I reside doesn't have any emergency shelter resources where I'd be welcome as a queer, single, disabled, atheist. The only shelter in the county is run by a religious organization, and they require you to attend and actively participate in religious services to stay there. There are a few smaller organizations, but they are all for very specific populations (single mothers, domestic violence survivors, recovering addicts, etc.) or already have years-long waiting lists (including getting a section 8 voucher which isn't even accepting applications and hasn't been for over a decade because there are that many people on their waiting list). The local LGBTQIA+ organize does have housing grants, but they require you to have proof of at least some income to get them. My therapist is trying to get me into the county behavioral health case management program which may open some other doors, but it is not guaranteed. She sent the referral almost 3 weeks ago and I have heard nothing since; I know they’re already overworked, so I was probably just too complex of a case to add to someone’s work load.

List of my disabilities (I am more than happy to field questions regarding these and how they affect my ability to work, etc. via email, twitter, tumblr ask box, etc.):

Rheumatoid Arthritis (for which I am on immune-suppressing medications that have side effects including chronic fatigue and increased susceptibility to all illness - including the one I have right now which only immune-suppressed people ever get)

Fibromyalgia (for which I have adverse reactions to the first 3 of 4 medications on the market. l am titrating up on the 4th and final medication on the market and crossing my fingers at this point. I am in Physical Therapy two times per week; was three for many months to help with stability and strengthening).

Osteoarthritis (in almost all of my major joints; knees, hips, elbows, shoulders, as well as throughout my spine). My right knee has given me problems all my life (for a reason I don’t really want to get into today); I tore my labrum in my right shoulder in June 2018 and had it repaired surgically on December 21, 2018. When I went in for my follow up first thing was ‘You’re allergic to adhesives. That should NOT be that red or itchy.” Oops. Second thing he said was “Had to check your wrist band after I got a look inside your shoulder (cause the surgery is done face down) to make sure I had the right patient. The inside of your shoulder looks like you’re in your eighties.” I was not even 28 at the time.

Hypermobility Syndrome (which causes instability and proclivity to injury; it also means that the ways I’ve learned to sit that a comfortable to me are probably absolutely wild for anyone else. My PT caught me sitting in a chair with the soles of my shoes together and the outside of my feet against the floor and looked at me like I was insane. I also dislocate joints without realizing it on occasion.) - it's probably actually hEDS but the closest doctor that'll test and adult for that is 90 minutes away.

PCOS (I’m not on Metformin ER to help control this, though I haven’t seen many changes yet. I am under the care of an endocrinologist for this).

ADHD (for which I am medicated with a stimulant - the one that’s been making the nation’s neurodivergent population rage because it’s been on back order for a year)

Various Attachment and Trauma-Based mental health disorders including cPTSD and clinical anxiety. I also believe I am autistic and am about to have an evaluation with the local center for autism and developmental delays as the neuro-psychological evaluation I had at the end of that year was a waste of time and gas money, but that’s another story for another day).

Recurrent Occipital Neuralgia (which causes headaches and difficulty moving my head/neck)

Chronic Migraine (at least 2 or 3 per month; I have Imitrex, but it can only do so much).

Severe seasonal allergies (especially to tree pollen). Like severe enough they had to put intermittent asthma in my chart to get a rescue inhaler approved cause they get that bad.

I am also excessively nearsighted (with astigmatism) to the point where my ophthalmologist has warned me that my retinas are so thin they could detach at pretty much any second.

Even with the new plan going forward, I will still need to pay for phone service (which will like increase so I can use the mobile hotspot feature) as well as car insurance the new vehicle. I hope to be able to afford a campsite at a local campground with electric access for at least part of the summer. If I do not have that option, I would at least like to purchase a small rechargeable (preferably solar charging) generator to have electricity available without killing my car battery every night. I will also continue to need gas money to get to and from appointments and the pharmacy and such and money to purchase necessities not eligible for food stamps (i.e., toilet paper, paper towels, etc.).

More about me for anyone that doesn’t know:

I'm a gray-aro/ace cis-female. Much closer to ace and aro than not.

I'm single (see above) and have no children (nor any interest in ever having any for a variety of reasons; I’m going to ask my OBGYN next time I see her if she can at least take my ovaries out so the PCOS will stop, because the Endocrinologist refused that option).

I don't have pets because my apartment doesn't allow them, but I would love to eventually obtain a service dog (mobility and anxiety/PTSD cross-trained, preferably) and/or have cats. I think if I get a van and get it set up properly, I will probably get a kitten in June. My cousin’s cat just had a litter the other week.

I don't currently use any mobility aids, but my bad days are starting to make it obvious that I will need to in the nearer future than I would like. I got a handicap parking placard just recently which is the first real step in that direction.

I enjoy cooking and baking, but it is becoming increasingly difficult to complete such tasks due to pain. And will be impossible living in a van, though if I get a camp sight I want to get one of those single burner propane camp stoves. I also plan to try to have a mini fridge and microwave in the van itself.

I write fanfiction (which you probably knew if you know me).

I went to college for three years, but I don't have a degree. I was a social work major, and the major classes weren't at all transferable and I could not get through field placement junior year. I've considered going back to school, but at this point, I'm not sure what good it would do, and money would be the ultimate factor.

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dianight · 1 year

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This will be long. The theme is time management, but there’s gonna be some rambling.

So among other things, I’ve been trying to get into the Mistborn series. I’ve read The Final Empire and I’m going through The Well of Ascension. I’ll probably finish the trilogy (some novellas too?) and then catch up on some manga, maybe read the Otherside Picnic novels because the manga was too short.

That part is relevant because reading some random thread I came across this video where Brandon Sanderson talks about how he got more time to write during lockdown because travelling used to take a third of the year. Like I know he is a writer as his main job and it is not comparable to most people, but the part I found super interesting was the graph he had.

I’ve done something similar in the past when I was debating whether to quit my job or not. Long story short, the math was telling me that every week I had 30 to 40 hours of free time while work + commute + work related prep (uniforms and such) was taking 65 to 75 (depending on double shifts). Sleep and regular chores were assumed to be 8 hours + 1 hour a day on average.

In reality, on work days I’d get home and be too tired to do anything beyond keeping myself alive. So a work day was like ->

4:00 Get up, shower, breakfast, get dressed. 5:00 Get bus, get a coffee and start working 6:00 Actually start getting paid 16:00 Finish and get the bus, if I miss it is another hour and a half 17:00 Get home, add 30 minutes if I needed to get something from the store

So that would make 3 hours of free time in the best case, which was a non-double shift and no chores that day. Still needed to make dinner, clean myself and try not to die. Then on my off days I’d take it easy, try to recover and not really have the mental energy to do anything complicated.

Back to the graph, 40% of my time was staying alive (sleep, food and general things like hygiene and shopping), 38-44% was working and 16-22% was actually doing things I wanted.

I had one of these epiphanies where I just contemplated what the fuck was I doing with my life at that point. Like. I had a (short at the time) list of things I wanted to do and no time to even start, no energy and barely any money.

So I quit. Hospitality is brutal, underpaid and underappreciated. Got a few different jobs, started to work on my own projects and doing stuff I wanted.

Flashback is not done yet. Barely an introduction.

For the past 2 years I’ve been on the working on the same thing. Not a job, a personal thing that I’m being intentionally vague about. I’ve liked having a big, long term project to work on. But recently I finished it. So after it was over, I wondered what to do.

It’s not like all my time was dedicated to it, but it was definitely my “main thing”. I did participate in a couple tournaments (extra money and it is always fun) and actually a few months where I had a “proper” job.

But I made a list of all the things I wanted. Things to learn, manga/books to read, series to watch, games to play. I’m not a fan of travelling, kinda triggers me. A few minor projects, don’t really have anything quite as ambitious yet. Getting legal HRT is proving to be difficult too, legal stuff and such is a pain.

But looking back at the video, back at that time where I had to use a spreadsheet to see what was I using my time for; I’m lucky that currently I don’t “need to” work, I still do it a few months a year, but I have so much actual free time now.

I was miserable for 6 years, not even getting into identity stuff. Just working while barely saving money and disregarding my health. Not learning, not growing and not living (how dramatic, but true).

The point of all this is: everyone deserves to have time to do the things they want to. It is literally the whole point of being alive.

#dia talks

0 notes

the-underworld-aes · 1 year

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I posted 65 times in 2022

That's 40 more posts than 2021!

23 posts created (35%)

42 posts reblogged (65%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sleepytime-moga

@seafoamfucker

@ma2ereki

@oda-haruko

@vampnightwing

I tagged 54 of my posts in 2022

Only 17% of my posts had no tags

#rambling - 20 posts

#mafia 3 - 13 posts

#goncharov - 12 posts

#john donovan - 8 posts

#mafia iii - 7 posts

#ouatih - 6 posts

#lincoln clay - 5 posts

#thoughts - 4 posts

#mafia 3 definitive edition - 4 posts

#cars - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 115 characters

#lincoln is my fave character but lack of fleshed out story for donovan makes me hyperfocus on him and i wanna fight

My Top Posts in 2022:

Mafia 3

Okay so I’m gonna take the L and admit I’ve never played the other 2 games, I just watched the cut-scene movies on YouTube, and while I enjoyed the story and characters of the first 2, when I watched Mafia 3′s it DID something to me. So I actually went out and got the game so I can play it all myself.

First things first, I’m gonna wonder why people seem to hate this game so much until the day I die, sure it’s glitchy but not as bad as any Bethesda glitch I’ve seen and nothing game breaking, more or less just funny stuff like “lol that cop car exploded in the middle of the street. I’m gucci tho.”. I really like the time-period cause I actually like learning about the 60′s in American history because SO MUCH important stuff was set in motion back then. Others seem to not like how it’s nt focused on the Italian Mafia anymore and...sure?? I guess?? I mean they’re still there, you’re allied with some Italians while taking out the bigger Italian crime family (I think they’re mad that the protag is black and it’s an important part of the game tbh) And another complaint I see a lot is the games too repetitive, I think that’s the lamest excuse personally. I played this after I beat Far Cry 6, and honestly? It was NICE! I like being able to sneak and take people down, or just blow up everything! Maybe it’s cause I’m autistic perhaps (ASD gang rise up!) but having a pattern was nice for me, I have a specific way of playing and it was fun. Hell, I’ve beat the game twice already cause it felt nice to play.

I know this game came out in 2016 and I’m way late to the party, I became aware of the Mafia series in 2021 and finally played Mafia 3 in March 2022. And I need to be physically restrained from playing it a third time lol.

See the full post

7 notes - Posted June 20, 2022

Found this under Nuit Blanche in the alt escape route.

I've never seen this in the game before this is so cool!

7 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

Because I’m on the Spectrum™...

I would post this on my art blog but what good would that do? I guess this is unofficially also a fandom blog... anyways

So! A thing I like doing is figuring out timelines, time frames, dates and fun stuff like that. And I gotta say, the timeline of events in Mafia 3 is INFURIATING! And according to THIS it’s the lead world designers preferred playthrough. I know I probably should take this with a huge grain of salt, but going by this it throws so many things out of wack (especially making Sign of the Times be the last DLC story you touch)

So, February 27th is when things kinda kick off, Lincoln’s friends and family are killed and he’s left for dead by the Marcanos.

Bullet wound takes on average 2 months at most to recover from (from mixed sources 😵)

Lincoln was still bed ridden when MLK was assassinated on April 4th. So I assume he was walking a bit after that, mid-April.

So mid April is when he was up moving around and getting things set up.

The DLC’s, despite not supposing to be in order, 1 of them has a specific date correlated with it.

The DLC stories become available after you get have all the under bosses and do that Sit Down mission.

The “Sign of the Times” DLC introduces character, Anna McGee, without getting too much into it, her death date on her grave is “June 6th 1968

So, set time or no, this implies the cult shenanigans happen immediately while Lincoln is getting into contact with Cassandra, Vito and Burke and he’s juggling them on top of this.

Must happen only in the span of a few days, not even a week.

For the rest of June, I guess Lincoln works at a more normal pace but still a lot going on at once.

For reason the only record date one of the Marcano Capo’s is Lou, and that’s in July, so I assume the Judge gets clapped early July.

That text at the bottom:

This threw me off but I realized it probably took a sec for the charges to process.

See the full post

10 notes - Posted July 5, 2022

Hey I have a weird thought, do tumblr gays have a specific version of Brad Pitt they latch onto? There's him in Fight Club and Interview with a Vampire thats all I can think of.

I finally got a version of Brad Pitt I latched onto recently and I just kinda noticed it.

Is this common?

16 notes - Posted October 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

AND ANOTHER THING-

About Mafia 3

Some thoughts about characters and how some folks treat them:

John Donovan: Love this guy, wish I had more info about him that isn't all surface level and stuff I had to make up for a headcanon, but jeez I swear, at least on YouTube comments, it’s like people want to make him the Mafia games equivalent of Deadpool. Cause he’s “wacky” and “chaotic” and they want him to be the next games protag, once again, love this guy, but oh my god, NO! I think he works best as a side character and at most a secondary protag (like for Stones Unturned). If there was a game with him...what would it be? Just assassinate politicians in the 70′s simulator? Won’t be a Mafia game then would it unless he goes back to the Clay Family. That’s just YouTube comments I see though, but I got thoughts.

Vito Scaletta: I have to be clear, I DO LIKE Vito, but I think I liked him more in Mafia 3, very much Italian Uncle I deeply deserved in life vibes, I will admit though, even though I like him in M3, I feel like the devs leaned in on him being there as like, a selling point? While I enjoyed M2, I will admit as faves in order go, it’s Mafia 3, Mafia 1, and Mafia 2. Vito was getting dragged along for a lot of the events in M2 and boy, Joe was.... I wouldn't want him for a friend. Vito can be all messed up about what happened to Joe, but when I watched the cutscene movie for M2 I thought Joe was awful to Vito. Vito needs better friends :/ (also even tho I’m usually on team “RAIL THAT OLD MAN!” I think the Lincoln/Vito ship is odd, def not my thing and yet somehow not as offensive as the next character I’m about to bring up though.)

Giorgi Marcano: Oh boy where do I begin with him... I see...so many people sympathize with him or simp for him and it feels SO GROSS. (Imma be honest this mf is ugly he looks like a monkey with his busted hairstyle. Like if someone made a realistic Westernized Lupin the III but somehow removed all the charm from him). I feel like people seem to have forgotten he handed the Hollow over the the Dixie Mafia on a silver platter, that or they don’t care. The Hollow is the Black community in the game and the Dixie Mafia is all Southern Pride and Lynch mobs, all those Confederate flags... And I know that Giorgi KNEW THIS. I see people saying he was just doing what his dad said, and sure to an extent but it’s clear he enjoys what he does (He was so hyped to tell Sal what he did to Olivia), I will never forget what the Dixie boy’s did to Perla’s, to the young black women they forced to take drugs and exploited, the the specific targeting of the Black and Haitian communities in game, what they did to Casandra, etc. Giorgi was a spoiled violent Daddy’s boy that either was playing Lincoln, Ellis and Danny the whole time, or didn't care about them enough to even protest Sal’s orders against them. Even in his death scene, he never tried to apologize to Lincoln even if he knew the apology wouldn't have saved him. If they showed that, then sure I would at least admit he did care about Lincoln and all his friends that were killed, but no he didn't, just him and his old man. (PUTTING EEEEEVERRYYOOONE ON A LIST WHO SHIP LINCOLN/GIORGI! I CAME FROM THE FAR CRY FANDOM AND I’M SICK OF SEEING SO MUCH RACISM IN CHARACTER PORTRAYALS AND SHIPS! SICK AND TIRED!)

Game story and themes:

I will praise this game to the moon and back, despite it’s “flaws” like the glitches and game play. The glitches were not game breaking for me and I liked the game play honestly (I have ASD so that probably contributes to it). The driving is good despite me being a bad driver and I liked the how the weapons worked.

But I do have some thoughts about what I think was kinda lackluster and disappointing.

Lack of highlighting how horrible the Vietnam war was, condemning the army and the C.I.A. I know that’s so specific but you can’t have a Vietnam vet without having some kind of toll that it took on him, most of Lincoln’s trauma was mostly just centered around what happened to his family after he got back home, and some stuff in his childhood. Which is valid those things are traumatizing but idk, were the devs afraid? Also I know Donovan during the game is still technically in the C.I.A until he officially leaves in 1969, and he’s like, a big JFK stan, but like, does he know what Kennedy’s plans were for the C.I.A, is he blindly loyal? Was it game? I mean I know he does leave it but he’s been in the game for like 15 years, what’s going on? What’s all those war crimes for? Do the devs at Hangar 13 and 2K not wanna be put on some weird list? I don’t know, man.

My taste for found crime families keeps getting un-quenched: Looking back at the promo trailers showing Lincoln and all his under-bosses working together, with Donovan even tagging along, and seeing how the game actually played out... ow. The under-bosses hate each other, every convo between Lincoln and Cassandra feels like it leads to an argument, Burke was racist to Lincoln at the start, and....actually Vito seems like the most pleasant despite being a sad middle aged man so I’ve give him that. The most we get to them showing respect for each other is if you go to pick up kickback and talk more to them, then they’ll say nice things about each other.

Ex: Cassandra saying Vito isn't as bad as she thought, she thinks Burke is really fun. Vito thinking Burke is funny. And Burke having respect for what Vito's been through and weirdly enough, oddly respectful of her beliefs.

But that’s it, and they have no idea who Donovan is either even though he’s been working behind the scenes. And with how they are in game, I know they would NOT like him, I think Cassandra would hate him the most cause she gave Lincoln flak for willingly joining the army (I mean she’s right, I agree with her.).

So in that aspect I’m a little <:/ about. Not everything can be perfect.

OKAY THATS ALL FOR NOW!

25 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #oh my god im so mentally ill

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roboromantic · 2 years

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hehrgablergh i have SUCH a bad headache and it’s giving me a bit of brain fog and like i NEED to be doing things so I have money but I Cannot

and my dad picked THEE worst possible time to be like “hey I want to encourage you and brother #3 to become independent so y’all need to start paying rent or putting some serious work into getting this house ready to be sold. there’s lots of jobs and everyone’s willing to be a bit more accommodating nowadays, so it’ll be easy to find a job paying $18/hour around here”

like. 1) we are still in a pandemic. I really really want to avoid in-person jobs if possible which drastically reduces my options 2) “For June I want y’all to focus on the main floor” I AIN’T GONNA BE HERE FOR MOST OF THE MONTH that just seems a bit daunting for brother #3 to have to do practically all by himself 3) speaking of not being here I am gonna have next to no money when I get back and you want me to pay rent or spend time working on the house when I need to be working on taking enough surveys to earn money to cover meds n shit??? like I said, this is the worst possible timing on this 4) We’ve only got the one vehicle between us so uh. either we’d have to work in the same area on roughly the same schedule or at least one of us is gonna HAVE to do stuff online.

also maybe this was directed more at my brother but I deeply resent the implication that he’s been coddling me the past few years. binch once I got medication and top surgery, I spent ~a year recovering from the surgery and researching school stuff (bc it was too late in the year for me to apply in the fall even if I was recovered enough by then and spring was probably pushing it too) and that next fall I immediately went back to school BECAUSE I’d spent a year getting ready while I was recovering.

like I just graduated in December and I knew that nobody’d let a new hire take a whole-ass month off. like, I guess I coulda found a job, worked there for a few months, and then quit but also we kinda. had stuff going on in March so frankly I think not getting a job worked out better. anyway maybe if I’d gotten medical help sooner but noooooo. I get not wanting to pay for my top surgery and I’m incredibly grateful he did. but fuckin NOBODY ever said ANYTHING about my depression. we have a family history of it and NOBODY bothered to say “hey looks like you have this too, you should get it checked out” It was basically an ACCIDENT that I got diagnosed when I went to the doc bc binding for more than an hour was causing really bad pain and I couldn’t deal w/the dysphoria

and I was planning on looking for online jobs when I get back ANYWAY. i KNOW i need/want to move out. but that ain’t happening any time soon less’n you got a spare house or tens of thousands of dollars lying around

also maybe if you wanted me to be independent you shoulda maybe done a better job parenting bc I didn’t know SHIT about applying to college in the first place and the expectation was basically that I’d get my degree and get married and be a xian housewife and that’d be that so. very rude of you to raise me my whole life telling me I was gonna do one thing and then get confused when I didn’t know how to do a completely different thing with my life

I mean don’t get me wrong, he’s said he’s not gonna kick anyone out and he understands my schedule and I’m incredibly grateful for that but I just. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

oh well at least writing this took long enough for the headache/brain fog to mostly clear up so that’s nice

#I'm ranting about recent life stuff; feel free to ignore

0 notes

rinstars · 2 years

Note

hey is everything alright??? you kinds disappeared on us. hope everything’s okay

hiiii everyone! everything's fine. now. at the very least, everything is starting to be okay. i'm sorry i disappeared for a while without saying anything or giving u guys updates about why and if i was ever coming back. there's probably a lot of questions you guys have so ill just break it down in a single post, making it easier for u guys to find what you wanna know.

1. what happened and where were u?

thing is, the last time i was here i mentioned something about being sick and that was originally the only time i needed off. i was just waiting to get better and it wasn't supposed to stretch into a month. however, a very unfortunate incident happened where i had to be hospitalized and monitored as i sustained an injury to my already very weak knee. growing up, my right knee has always been very prone to dislocation but it wasnt too serious to the point that i could still join cheerleading and excel in it. it wasnt until i was doing a dance required for one of my classes and my knees knocked and snapped that i fell so hard crying when i realized this time it was.. bad. i had a surgery that wasn't anything too crazy and got put in a cast until i was fully recovered bc simply popping it back to place like they always did stopped working. that, too, was fine. but finding out i'd have to take it easy on dancing and possibly cut off anything that has to do with the hardcore dancing i was used to for the rest of my life to make sure it wouldn't get any worse than it already was literally depressed me and put me in a slump and i just didn't want to answer anyone and tell people all about it yet. especially not on tumblr where i know people were waiting for something ive promised to finish. i was just very out of it and wasn't sure if i was even in the right mindset to ever continue being here at the time. so there's that but now that im able to tell u all about it, it means it's gotten a lot better and u dont have to worry about my knee bc it's healing fine :") im very thankful for all the messages and i read and appreciated all of them. im sorry it took me so long to respond.

2. what's gonna happen to cfm?

the very short answer to this is im not abandoning it and will continue writing the remaining 3 parts! dont worry! you can rest easy. however, ill take this in my own pace. ill work hard to post it in 2 weeks time but it's not a promise and i'm still wrapping my head around my whole knee thing and the start of my semester. but i love the series and it means a lot to me. i want to see it finished probably more than any of u do that's why you can count on the ending that will surely come. i know ive gone so long without updating and idek if any of u will still be reading it when i post it in a few weeks! but it's a risk im willing to take because we're so close to the end! and i am so excited for all of u to see how suna and yn end up living after where i left act x on hehehe

3. im not leaving and im sorry

i feel really horrible leaving u all in the dark for like more than a month now i think. that was a dick move. if an author i follow suddenly disappeared after what happened in act x i wouldve been mad and worried too so im really sorry. i didn't want to ignore any of u. i was just in a place where i didn't feel like moving. thank u to everyone who has been very understanding with me despite not knowing what was happening. to my friends on discord that i wasn't replying to, to all my followers and readers, to everyone who reached out to my friends hoping to know if im doing well, thank u sooo much and i love and appreciate u all so much.

im sorry this got so long but i hope i answered everything! if i missed anything, please just send me more asks, ill be happy to answer them hehe. love u!

#hi #sorry #love u #read it please #mwah

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yourmcu · 3 years

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Mesmerized (iii)

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Request:

@lostaurorax said:

hii!! i love ur writing i was wondering if u could write a natasha x reader fic were reader is part of the guardians of the galaxy and they come to the compound and natasha is just starstruck but reader plays kinda hard to get and then just a bunch of fluff !

Word count: 2,138

A/n: notes at the end

Warnings: crash, mentions of explosion, swearing, space mission, soft!nat, quill’s a jerk

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Your departure from Earth made its one-year mark.

Natasha hasn’t felt like herself since you left. She’s known you for a few months but it felt like ages, it felt like she knew everything about you from the amount of time you spent together.

It’s not like you had a choice. The guardians needed you and of course you’re gonna be there for them too. They saved your ass countless of time and, well, they’re your family.

“Shit!”

Natasha frowns, leaning forward a bit from her sitting position. “What’s wrong?”

You fail to respond back. You curse once more in realization that you had no more ammo left in your guns, using your fire conjuring abilities is risky in this situation too, given on what type of creatures you're fighting.

Rocket is still determined to fight but you know he’s not gonna make it alive so you pick him up and sprint to your ship.

“I had it under control!” The raccoon yells.

“You’re kidding, right? The others already left!” You boom, fiddling with the buttons and levers of the ship to try and start it. The rattling of the monsters behind getting you frazzled. “Fucking-”

“Out of the way before you burn the controls, I got it.”

You go to the back part of the ship to reload all your weapons. You sigh in relief when Rocket managed to start the ship.

The mission went horribly wrong. People died and you were outnumbered. You almost set Groot on fire because of how overwhelmed you were, the fact that Quill was expressing how pissed he was at you didn’t help. Usually the team had every mission handled and sorted. You weren’t used to losing.

And you forgot Natasha is still connected to the call.

She just listens further. It's more silent than earlier so she figured you got away from whatever happened, but she's ready to try and help whatever it takes even though she's a thousand miles away.

“Quill’s not responding,” you frown, frantically searching the back of the ship for the backup weapons. “He must’ve turned his comms off. Can you contact the other ship there?”

“No, offline,” Rocket mumbles, more focused on getting the ship moving. “But geez, you and him have to sort things out.”

“I’m sorry-”

“Save it, we’re still being followed!” Rocket swerves in attempt to knock off the creatures - who're still actively chasing the spaceship. They could fly, and there are a lot. You couldn’t imagine anything like it.

You try your best to fight them off through the spacious hatch on top, but of course you have no match for all of them. You wish Thor was here. As far as you knew he's sorting Asgard things out with Valkyrie.

Every minute just gets worse. The flight gets unstable the more those creatures are catching up, you're surprised they're so determined to destroy both of you.

“Can you go any faster?!”

“I can’t, can I?!” Rocket's driving and pressing multiple buttons for the jump at the same time.

“Y/N,” Natasha calls out, hoping you could still hear her. “I can tell the team if you need any help-”

On your end, she just got more blasters and guns going off, orders flying between you and the raccoon.

“We need to shake them off, this ship’s not gonna handle them,” You say exasperated. “I’m gonna cause a distraction, got it? You need to get us out of here - anywhere - I don’t care how many jumps it takes!”

Rocket, as rare as it is, displays concern in his face, but he sighs and grips on the levers. “Ready when you are.”

You suck in a breath, letting out a huge burst of what seems like fire and just - heat, aiming at the creatures closest to the ship. It gets nearly all of them. The raccoon mutters a quick countdown, watching you fall unconscious from the hatch in the corner of his eye. He pushes the lever forward slowly, jumping to the one place he knows the both of you could get help.

Earth.

As soon as you let yourself go, Natasha loses the connection. The intensity of you using your powers like that might’ve affected it.

“God,” she mutters, pacing around her table, “Friday, you still have contact on that ship?”

“Yes, Ms. Romanoff,” the A.I responds, and for a moment, a huge explosion sounded somewhere in the forest near the compound. “...and they just landed. Would you like me to send you the exact coordinates?”

Of course Natasha doesn’t waste time to go out and find you. Thankfully Steve is around and was shaken by the sudden explosion too. It’s snowing, the forest covered with thick snow so it wouldn’t be hard to find wherever the ship crashed.

“She’ll be alright, Nat. We’ll find her.” Steve reassures.

Natasha’s breath hitches at the sight of the aircraft completely destroyed, pieces everywhere, she wasted no time to find you under all the rubble.

The unconscious raccoon isn’t hard to find, but you had it worse considering you were already out before the crash.

“Steve,” she states, walking over scraps and metal to get to you. You're sickly pale, giving Natasha the feeling that she's too late but she did feel a slight pulse. There’s blood on the side of your forehead but other than that,

“She’s freezing,” and it isn’t from the snow alone, she thought. You're colder than that. Natasha has an arm around your back and behind your knees, getting ready to carry you. “Steve, we-”

“I’ll call Bruce to get them sorted out. Try and find their stuff that’s not destroyed.” His tone is firm. He doesn’t wait for a response, gently grabbing you from her and strides back to the compound.

Natasha sighs. Almost everything she sees is unrecognizable except for a few complicated looking guns that definitely looks like Rocket’s and your bag you took on one of your dates. Biting the inside of her cheek, she opens it, sighing in relief when everything inside looked in order.

She finds a wallet-sized picture of both of you at a fair's photo booth. You always held onto it and kept it in your pocket most of the time that's why it looks worn out, probably from you holding it so much. This makes Natasha's heart ache, deciding to keep it for the meantime, carrying all your stuff that's left to the compound.

- You wake with a start. You're facing the clean white ceiling of the Avengers' med bay and you tilt your head to the side to see Natasha sleeping on a stool beside your bed with her head lulling forward and her arms are crossed. As much as you feel relieved to see her, you're confused on how you got here, how she found you. You lift your arm to gently pat the redhead awake. She sighs and goes to rub her neck. "You're cold." You smile softly, cringing at the rasp of your voice. "Didn't want you to be sore from the way you were sleeping." "I'm glad you're awake." "How long was I out?" Natasha gets up to get you a glass of water while you sit up the bed. "Twelve hours. You definitely needed the rest, everything sounded really crazy up there," she says. "Rocket's somewhere around, he left his bed the moment he got up." She hands you the glass and tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. Feeling how cold you still are since they found you in the forest, she grabs a remote to crank the heater up a bit. You purse your lips and cross your legs, looking at her. "How'd you find us?" "Let's just say we heard the impact of the crash from here," Natasha eyes the bandages on the side of your head for a moment. "It was really lucky your ship crashed nearby, but you know I wouldn't hesitate to get on the jet just to find you. And when I did, I... I thought you were-"

Your hand immediately goes to cup her cheek, the contrast of warm and cold making Natasha relax in your touch. "I'm here now. You saved me." She returns your smile and holds onto your hand on her cheek. "I missed you." "I missed you too." "You know, I did specifically set those coordinates," Rocket says as he enters the room with Tony. "Technically I saved us." Your smile only widens and Natasha chuckles, turning to Tony to see what he has to say about your condition. "You really wore yourself out there fireball, is she still freezing cold?" He asks this to Natasha specifically and she nods. You furrow your eyebrows and turn to your fists, clenching them, only noticing now that you are freezing. "I'm gonna run a simple test and if all goes as expected, Bruce is gonna give you a shot." "Have you already got a conclusion on what happened to me?" You question. Tony pulls out something from his pocket. "Sure have. Now set this on fire." He tosses you a solid crumpled paper. Holding it between three fingers you expect it to turn into ash in your palm, but it stayed the way it is. You're looking at it now to help focus on setting it on fire but it still stayed as normal paper. Natasha grips you on the arm. "I think that's enough." "You went all out with your powers. I did see you let out an overwhelming amount when we were trying to outrun those creatures before you passed out." Rocket states. "Naturally it'll come back, but the shot should help you with your... body temperature and hopefully the speed of recovery." Tony adds. You groan, back landing on the pillow behind you. Not only does losing your powers suck but you aren't a big fan of needles either, but you'll deal with them if you really have to. Natasha's hand slowly crawls up to intertwine with yours, although her attention was still on Tony. "She's gonna have to stay here at least until she recovers, right?" She also looks at Rocket if he has any objections but he merely nods his head. "'Course, they're welcome here for as long as they want." Tony claps his hands together and dismisses himself, Rocket following behind. "In the meantime I'll be figuring out a way to build a new ship." The raccoon says before closing the door behind him. Natasha makes her way to sit beside you and you automatically scooch to make space and rest your head against her shoulder, taking a breath. "You alright?" You shrug. "I guess I do feel pretty useless without those powers. I mean, Quill without a doubt would never let me go on missions anymore. I'd just be a burden to everyone." She lets go of your hand to put around you. "Everything doesn't revolve around your powers, Y/N. You're not useless. I bet you could take that Quill guy down in a fist fight." You let out a chuckle, shaking your head. "What's that guy like anyway?" The sudden question makes your head perk up. "Oh, you know, Quill, he's a nice guy-" Natasha let out a noise, cutting you off. "Didn't sound like it while I was connected in the call." "He can be a mouthful to me sometimes," you admit quietly. "Not to everyone though, I do generally think he's a nice guy. I have no idea what I did that made him so pissed at me." You look up at her and she's staring at the wall, seeming like she's deep in thought. "He doesn't hurt you, does he?" "God, no. He's not like that," you say. "If he did want to of course I wouldn't just take it." Natasha smiles, "that's my girl." You hung your head low so she couldn't see the way you flushed at the phrase, biting your lip to hold in a smile. “I’m glad you have my back, though.”

“I always do. Always will.”

"So, when can I leave this room?"

"After Bruce gives you the shot, then we can do whatever we want." She tilts your head up to move your hair out of your face. You look at her with an amused expression, "where do you plan on taking me this time?” Natasha smirks at the question. She loves spending all her time with you and the sight of you enjoying yourself makes it better. "There’s a new bookstore open, thought you might like it. Also an amusement park. It’s a few hours away but I can always drive. Oh, Tony’s cabin. I’m sure he’d love you to meet his newborn Morgan.”

“Sounds like you have a list,” you muse.

Natasha hums, pulling you closer. “I do.”

final one!! no one’s really looking forward to this but I enjoyed writing it anyway :)

btw wrote this way before thor: love and thunder so i have no idea what him and the guardians are up to but i wish them the best

[shameless plug] check out this natasha ambience i made some people thought it was cool

318 notes · View notes

bucky-hues · 3 years

Text

stucky fic recs

here are some stucky fic recs! as always, be sure to read the warnings for each fic <3

one shots

finding home | @thedamageofherdays

cap steve x modern bucky

After he is caught in a terrible rainstorm while hiking, Bucky is glad to find shelter at the cottage Steve shares with his daughter and his dog. Bucky ends up finding so much more than just a safe place to spend the night.

x | @dreadlockholiday

steve x bucky

Request: Bucky looking through a glossy magazine and saying something like "God, can you imagine being paid for just looking cute?" And without thought Steve replies, "you'd be a millionaire" and Bucky just blushes furiously while Steve's all like 😳 *oh no, I just said that out loud*

x | @dreadlockholiday (18+)

steve x bucky

Bucky finds his BFF Steve's sketchbook... and it's full of nothing but sketches of Bucky... naked.

sweethearts | @musette22

steve x bucky

Steve confesses his feelings to Bucky using sweethearts

my moon, my man | @musette22 (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

AU meet-cute. Strangers on a Train, but with less murder and more sexual tension.

make it till you fake it | AggressiveWhenStartled (AO3)

steve x bucky

“Ned,” Peter said, like a drowning man sighting land. “Ned. Captain America and the Winter Soldier are fake dating right now and it is the most painfully awkward and obvious thing I have ever seen, all of us want to die, Ned.”

things my heart used to know | Nightwing11 (AO3)

steve x bucky

In a world where soulmates can communicate telepathically with their partners, Steve Rogers has always had Bucky Barnes with him, a calming voice in a sea of turmoil. And, when Bucky falls off the train during World War II, Steve experiences deafening silence for the first time.

Now, after crashing a plane in the Arctic to save the world and being frozen for 70 years, Steve’s still trying to figure out how to live without Bucky there. His new friends are trying to help him adjust, to move on. And he thought he was doing better, he really did.

So, why is he suddenly hearing Bucky’s voice again?

catfish | @buckmebxrnes (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve Rogers is a famous movie star, known for his role as Captain America. Bucky Barnes is a bored law student who drinks too much wine. Bucky gets on match.com to boost his confidence. What he doesn't expect is a guy using Steve Rogers' pictures on a dating profile. Bucky decides to mess with the guy. After all, what idiot uses Steve Rogers' pictures on a dating site?

Not like it's really him, right? Bucky may need more wine.

let's go have fun | @sebastanbucky

steve x bucky

“Nat wanted me to-” Nat clears her throat and he rolls his eyes. “I wanted to tell you something.” He looks at Steve with a look he hopes says ‘play along’. “Okay. What did you want to tell me?” Bucky has to take a deep breath to keep from laughing again, it helps with his performance as Nat nods encouragingly at him. “I’m gay.” He says, making his voice sound shaky and weak.

the way you came around | sokaless (AO3)

steve x bucky

After a while, Bucky says, “You know, this song sounds like it was written for you.” “That's funny,” Steve remarks. “I chose it because it reminded me of you.” Steve gives Bucky an iPod full of his favourite songs from the 21st century to help him deal with his nightmares. Bucky has a new mission- to find out who Steve is in love with, because there are a few too many unrequited love songs on that iPod.

stuck on you | wearing_tearing (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

“Bucky? You don’t look so hot.”

Bucky makes a tiny little sound in the back of his throat, only to start coughing. Of course he doesn’t look hot. He’s sick and he’s dying and Steve obviously isn’t attracted to him.

you have the place next to my place | justanotherStonyfan (AO3)

cap steve x modern bucky

prompt: “We live in adjacent apartments and our bedrooms are on opposite sides of a very thin wall and one night I heard you crying and talked to you through the wall” AU

Captain America helps the Vet next door.

you’ve got (30) new matches | williamkaplans (AO3)

steve x bucky

When everyone finds out Steve's bi thanks to Bucky's recovering memories, Natasha kicks up her match-making into high gear. Steve has zero luck, but Natasha won't give up, especially when Sam (jokingly) suggests online dating. It isn't long before Steve finds someone, a someone who seems eerily familiar.

perfectly right wrong number | melonbutterfly (AO3)

cap steve x modern bucky

It all starts because Steve is too dumb to handle his smartphone.

A wrong number AU in which Bucky Barnes doesn't enter Steve's life (meaning: Bucky wasn't born until the eighties, but Steve is still Captain America) until Steve accidentally dials the wrong number. Wherein there is a lot of texting, some advice via Natasha and Darcy, a bit of pining, and a first date in an amusement park. Oh, and on top of being a disabled veteran, Bucky is a professional catwalker. Literally.

put your number in my phone | MacksDramaticShenanigans (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve tucks his phone back into his pocket and turns back to the computer. He only has to click a few times before he finds the link to the questionnaire and opens it, inputting the participant number before hitting next. The beginnings of the consent form fills the page, and all Steve has left to do now is wait for the participant— one James Barnes, according to the website— to show up.

Thankfully, Steve doesn’t end up having to wait very long. James Barnes shows up ten minutes early and knocks on the door before cracking it open and peeking in.

“Oh, hi,” he says, when he spots Steve sitting at the desk. He pushes the door open all the way and steps into the room just as Steve spins in the chair to face him.

“Um, I’m, uh, a bit early, but I’m here for the decision making study,” James continues, clear blue eyes flickering around the room before landing on Steve again. The skin between his eyebrows crinkles up a little, and god, Steve probably shouldn’t find his uncertainty as cute as he does. “Am I in the right place?”

wouldn’t it be nice | MacksDramaticShenanigans (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

"You are never going to believe what just happened," Bucky bemoans, shaking his head. He's at Steve's side in a moment and doesn't bother to give any warning before he dramatically falls into Steve's lap. Steve just barely manages to save his book from getting squashed.

"What is it?" Steve asks, matching Bucky's dramatic tone. "What am I not going to believe?"

"I just got off the phone with Natasha," he starts. "She cancelled on me!" Bucky throws his arms up, nearly smacking Steve in the face in the process.

Steve carefully places his hand on Bucky's forearm and lowers it away from his face.

"You're kidding," he says, a frown curving onto his lips at the news.

"I wish I was," he sighs. Bucky presses his lips together into a disappointed line and deflates against the back of the couch, slinking down Steve's thighs a little. "Who goes to Coney Island alone? How pathetic is that?"

Steve snorts, earning a glare from Bucky, and pats Bucky's thigh. "Aw, don't be such a sourpuss, Buck," he says. "Who said anything about going alone?"

all jokes aside | darksknight (AO3)

steve x bucky

"Before we know it Banner’s gonna be makin’ insinuations.” (Everyone "jokes" about Steve and Bucky being in a relationship until, eventually, they admit that they are.)

barnes & rogers and the goddamn truth

steve x bucky (teacher au)

There are three well-known facts at Shield High:

1. The history teacher Mr. Barnes is a stone-cold terror, and it’s not even because he only has one arm. 2. The other history teacher, Mr. Rogers, is a mysterious enigma, and it’s something to do with the body of a Greek God and contradicting stories of his past. (They’re all rumours, anyway.) 3. Mr Barnes and Mr Rogers hate each other.

Bucky wouldn’t have it any other way.

in the shadows | DragonWannabe (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

Five times they thought they were almost caught, one time someone found out, and one time they didn't have to hide.

OR:

Bucky and Steve grew up in a time when people like them went to jail.

single and looking | Jaiden_S (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

"Bucky held his place with his index finger and turned the magazine over to check the date on the cover. It was brand new, just out this month. An unexpected cord of anxiety tightened in Bucky’s chest. Single and looking? Frantically, he flipped back to the article. What exactly was Steve looking for? According to the article, Steve’s dream girl should be intelligent, altruistic, well-versed in current events and have a wicked sense of humor. Oh, and he had a thing for high heels and red lipstick. Bucky’s stomach churned as he re-read the article. Was that really what Steve wanted? Make-up and stilettos?"

A slightly sappy tale of two utterly besotted super-soldiers who excel at miscommunication.

these american dreams (ain’t no white picket fences left for me) | kariye (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

In which Bucky has a house, a dog, an herb garden, and a serious case of insomnia. Welcome to Havensport, Indiana (population 8,294), where Tom’s Neighborhood Grocer stays open all night, little old ladies call the car shop to get their refrigerators repaired, and the heat of summer days and the length of summer nights can make you think that this perfect world will last forever.

i’ve been careless with a delicate man | paraxdisepink (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

Steve lets SHIELD think he and Bucky were boyfriends so they’ll let him see the Winter Soldier in medical.

knock on wood | 74days (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve Rogers lives a quiet, steady life, until his next door neighbour moves in and starts having incredibly energetic sex every night. All Steve wants is for him to move his bed away from the wall so the damn headboard doesn't knock a hole through his wall.

progressively bigger keys | spinawren (AO3)

steve x bucky

“A very little key will open a very heavy door.” ― Charles Dickens, Hunted Down

Steve and Bucky, it appears, have less need for a key and more use for a battering ram in trying to come out of the closet.

(The one where Steve tries to do one thing (one thing!) without causing a national ruckus, but the press are determined to see Bucky as Steve's best friend. And nothing more.)

stucky discover gay rights | Alicia_Borealis (AO3)

steve x bucky

“Then, why-” Steve stopped himself and looked at Bucky, who had tears rolling freely down his cheeks. “We’re- we’re not sick?”

“Wait, what?” Tony asked.

“Being a homosexual, it isn’t… wrong?”

The story of how Steve Roger's loved and lost Bucky, then how he got him back and then how he realised he was allowed to love him after all.

thursday nights with bucky barnes | Ellessey (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve has a comfortable, well-worn routine for his Thursday nights, until the old man who runs the laundromat breaks his hip.

Then Steve has Bucky instead.

to seek a nood-er world | jehans (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

Send noodz

Steve has been staring at his phone for the last six minutes, eyes narrowed so much they’re almost closed at this point, trying to figure out what the hell Bucky means. Noodz? What the fuck are noodz?

Listen, Steve is at least marginally aware of modern pop culture. He’s heard of nudes — not that nudes are exactly a modern invention; artists have been creating them for millennia — and he does know that people tend to misspell words to be cute or funny. They did that when he was young, too. Because time is a flat circle, apparently.

But, wait—does that mean…?

No. Not possible. Bucky isn’t asking Steve to send him…nudes.

Right?

tied ‘round your throat | sleepypercy (AO3) (18+)

police officer steve x serial killer bucky

Steve's a small-town police officer trying to track a serial killer who's been in Steve's bed the whole time.

much tattoo about nothing | Deisderium (AO3) (18+)

cap steve x modern bucky

Steve Rogers gets a lot of email requests, but never one like this: James Barnes wants to use his healing factor to practice tattoos.

Turns out tattoos give Steve boners.

the perfect man | Ellessey (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Setting up a dating profile is decidedly not in Bucky's skill-set, but against all odds he manages to connect with someone who makes the one-night stand he thought he wanted feel like not nearly enough.

kiss me and take off your clothes | steveandbucky (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve Rogers is dared to send a dick pic to a blog which critiques dick pics (run by none other than Bucky Barnes). Hilarity ensues.

i can’t dare to dream about you anymore | steveandbucky (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve considers himself to be a pretty open-minded guy, which is why he can't quite understand why he feels so uncomfortable whenever he sees his gay roommate kissing guys. He's not homophobic, but how else can he explain the way his stomach twists at the sight?

It takes him a while to catch on.

exam room b | steveandbucky (AO3)

modern steve x nurse bucky

“Wait, what do you mean he asked for me?”

“He asked if the cute male nurse with the ponytail was working today. I assume he meant you.”

kickstart my heart | Kalee60 (AO3) (18+)

doctor steve x modern bucky

Bucky’s Wednesday wasn’t off to a great start. Not only did he wake up in a hospital with his annoyed best friend staring down at him, his treating Doctor just happened to be way too familiar, and the reason for that was slightly mortifying.

With misunderstandings in the air, a snarky nurse who is a pain in his butt and the ugliest neck brace known to man attached to his body. There was no way his Wednesday was ever going to improve. Could it?

you make me feel.. | kalika_999 (AO3) (18+)

cap steve x modern bucky

All Steve wanted was to take a breather, decompress after a mission and go out for a jog in the rain. He wasn't expecting to hide out in a bookstore filled with new and used books or that the employee that worked there thought he was an absolute loser and didn't even realize he was insulting Captain America.

nothing in the world that could stop it | rainbow_nerds (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Bucky just wanted to send his best friend a picture of his cat being an idiot while he was taking a bath. Was it really his fault for forgetting the full length mirror right opposite the tub?

rescue me and hold me in your arms | 74days (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Bucky is on the worst date of his life, and what he really needs of for this waitress to get the message he's sending her with his mind to rescue him. She doesn't, but she does send someone to extract him from a night of torture...

odd ways | peterbparker (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

“And it would have been an amazing night with my son if he wasn’t distracted by the hot guy on the other side of the room,” Sarah sighed, shaking her head. “He’s been looking over at you for the past fifteen minutes.”

Bucky choked on the mouthful of beer he had just taken.

“What?” he croaked. Things were starting to make a little more sense now.

“Right?” Sarah said, waving her hand towards her son. “He completely ignored my garden stories because he’s been making eyes at you so I decided to come over and introduce myself.”

series

rare is this love (keep it covered) | @musette22 (18+)

cap steve x modern bucky

It’s 2014. Captain America has been out of the ice for three years and is trudging along, saving the world and trying to get used to living in the future. Steve thinks he knows how the rest of his life is going to pan out – a life of duty, which he chose when he signed up to be Erskine’s science experiment. But then, he meets Bucky Barnes: the out-of-this-world-gorgeous mechanic and war vet, who turns Steve’s life upside down and makes him question everything he thought he knew. Slowly, Steve comes to realize there is more to life than duty and punching Nazis. Just one problem though: how on earth does a 96-year-old virgin who only just realized he may not be entirely straight make the transition from crush to relationship? Cue healthy amounts of self-doubt, awkward flirting, pretty blushing, existential crises, emotional growth, and maybe, possibly, a sexual awakening.

coming up easy | @musette22 (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

“Listen, I was just thinking,” Steve says, his face open, eyebrows raised in a tentatively hopeful expression. “Why don’t you come stay at my place for a while? I’ve got an office that I barely use, and a change of scenery might do you good, right? Help you beat that writer’s block?” With a crooked smile, he adds, “I promise I’m not a serial killer.”

While Bucky would normally crack a joke about how that’s exactly what a serial killer would say, right now, all he can do is blink at Steve in surprise, heart tripping over itself in his chest. Steve wants him to come and stay at his place. In Massachusetts. Just the two of them.

"Oh," Bucky croaks. "I- Wow."

“I mean, no pressure,” Steve says hastily. “Totally fine if you don’t wanna. I just thought I’d offer, in case it might help, y’know?”

“Yeah.” Bucky ignores the little voice in his head that sounds an awful lot Nat and Becca, telling him he’s setting himself up for heartbreak. “I mean, if you’re sure, that would be amazing.”

4 minute window | @cesperanza

steve x bucky

"Look, if they catch me," Bucky muttered, "they're either going to kill me or they're going to put me in a box with a little window and—Steve, I can't."

swapped | writeonclara (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

if u wanted my number u couldve just asked

u didnt have to steal my whole phone ;)

Steve stared down at his phone, confused. He didn't recognize the number – except, oh wait, he really did. That was his number. On his phone.

He flipped the phone over, then slid one hand down his face. Not his phone.

“Fuck,” he muttered.

[stupid fucking] brooklyn hipster bros | relenaflanel (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Bucky's mother gives him an ultimatum. Bucky doesn't respond well.

All Barneses are stubborn assholes, Steve observes, as though he doesn't see the irony of calling someone else stubborn. Or an asshole.

And Bucky can't even deny he is a total asshole for lying to his mother about dating Steve just so he doesn't have to bring someone else to her wedding, but damn if he's not going to give the lie everything he has.

brought to brightness | eyres (AO3)

cap steve x modern bucky

Army veteran Bucky Barnes has fallen in love with Steve, a guy he met online a few months after he returned from Afghanistan. Only problem is, he doesn't know Steve's last name or even what he looks like.

When his sister helps him send his story into MTV's Catfish, he's hoping they can help him meet Steve or, at least, let him move on with his life if Steve isn't real. Little does he know, Steve and Captain America have more in common than just a first name.

slide to answer | relenaflanel (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

"What do I do?” Steve appealed into the phone. “I’m freaking out.”

There was silence on the other end of the line. It lasted so long that Steve pulled the receiver away from his ear and frowned at it. Pay phones were old. Maybe this one wasn’t working despite the obvious dial tone when he picked up.

“Ok,” a stranger’s voice said over the phone. “First acknowledge the fact that you dialed the wrong number, but be quick about it because my cab is a few blocks away from my own plans and I’m about to drop some truth bombs on you.”

how to woo the winter soldier | writeonclara (AO3)

steve x bucky

“I think I’m ready to date again,” Steve said.

“What,” Natasha said.

“What?” Clint said, lowering his binoculars. He blinked at the dumbstruck look on the Captain’s face, then followed his gaze to where he was staring dopily at—at the Winter fucking Soldier.

“Steve, no,” Clint groaned.

Or: Steve courts the Winter Soldier.

all these things that i’ve done | @not-withoutyou

steve x bucky

Steve was the patron saint of waiting too long. Bucky was atoning for his sins. Maybe they’d both been forsaken, abandoned by the light. Maybe they’d find a way back to each other again.

Post civil war, if things had gone differently.

find a way (to make it back home) | belwrites (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (college au)

Fresh off a year abroad, Head Resident Assistant Steve Rogers finds his senior year of college to be full of changes, and he's not just talking about the growth spurt. He's more concerned with the fact that his best friend...isn't talking to him? Is dating his ex? May or may not be missing an arm?

In which Steve has no fucking clue what's going on, but he's trying, Bucky learns how to communicate with his best friend again, and everyone quietly panics about the future.

is it pretending if i already want you? | OhCaptainMyCaptain (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Based on prompt: Pretend Boyfriends AU where one of their families is always wondering why they're never in a relationship, so the other offers to pretend to be their boyfriend for some family event

the roommate | layersofart, Niitza (AO3)

cap steve x modern bucky

In which Steven G. Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America, gets a roommate. Who rapidly turns into his "roommate"—in the euphemistic sense of the word.

It takes SHIELD and the rest of the Avengers an absurd amount of time to notice.

dear mr. postman | odetteandodile (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve and Bucky revive an old friendship, get married (but totally just as friends, for reasons), and navigate a few of the many trials of the heart that come with falling in love with your best friend.

fate will play us out | steveandbucky (AO3) (18+)

cap steve x modern bucky

Bucky has landed himself a job with Stark Industries. He doesn't know yet that the job is actually being the PR manager for the Avengers.

Bucky has also started dating Steve Rogers. He also doesn't know yet that Steve is Captain America.

Bucky's life is about to get a whole lot more exciting.

the avengers hate club | notebooksandlaptops (AO3)

pop star steve x modern bucky

Bucky falls hopelessly for Steve and starts an Avengers hate club with the lead singer of the Avengers.

songbird | chicklette (AO3) (18+)

modern steve x musician bucky

At 43, James Barnes is a washed up old man. He’s got a dozen Grammys in the hall closet, an agent that can’t get him a deal, a decade-old case of writer’s block, a moody teen-aged daughter, and the gorgeous actress Natasha Romanova for an ex-wife. Well, one of them anyway. He’s a man who’s given up on finding joy in his life, and if it wasn’t for his kid, he’d have probably found a way to quit the world a long time ago.

Enter Steven Grant Rogers, struggling twenty-something, orphan, and someone who has no idea who Barnes is, other than some musician his mom liked a lot. The two men meet by accident, doing nothing more than passing the time in a quiet bar. But when a pap gets a shot of the two men embracing, Bucky takes it as a chance to finally come out as bisexual, and his agent makes him a proposition: Ten new songs and one very sweet boyfriend will get him a new record deal that will maybe, just maybe put him back on top.

Now all he has to do is write the songs, convince the kid, and not fall in love. Should be easy, right?

the right partner | LeeHan (AO3) (18+)

cap steve x ws bucky

Steve meets a beautiful man with a bright laugh on a sunny day in Italy. Captain America meets the elusive Winter Soldier moments later.

Date Bucky Barnes. Defeat the Winter Soldier. Bring down Hydra. How hard could it be?

#stucky fic #stucky fic recs #steve x bucky #steve rogers x bucky barnes #stucky #bucky barnes #steve rogers

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mercy-burning · 3 years

Text

Make It Even

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reaer Summary: Part 2 to Out Of Commission (but can be read separately) - After about a month of recovering from an injury, Reader can finally have sex again, and Spencer has an idea. Category: Smut 18+ (female masturbation, use of a vibrator, dirty talk - degradation with mentions of fingering, hair pulling, and rough sex) Warnings: Sex, language, brief mentions of injury (As always, if there’s anything that I missed, please let me know what I should include in warnings! I always want to be as mindful as I can about what I post. Thank you!) Word Count: 3.3k

***EDITED: 7/25/2021***

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | MASTERLSIT

***

Being seriously hurt by a serial killer was definitely not fun in any capacity, but the whole thing had been a major learning experience.

For one thing, Y/N learned that she hated hospital checkups. Once a week she had to go, to make sure everything was healing properly. Having Spencer there to make sure everything was going smoothly was extra comforting, though it didn't make constant doctor visits any less tedious.

Secondly, she hated menstruation. Which was a natural, obvious disdain that she'd harbored since the ripe age of eleven, but while being severely injured like she'd been recently, it sucked extra. Not only did she have to deal with menstrual pain and having to be careful not to rip or irritate her stitches every time she cleaned up, but she was also extra horny with no outlet for it.

That one week was probably the worst of it. Spencer wanted to stay with her of course, to bring her the extra comfort, but it was less comforting and more torturous unfortunately. She insisted that he stay at his apartment or at least sleep on the couch, because she didn't know how many more cold showers she could take.

Finally, she learned that her ability to marathon movies was probably one of her strongest assets. Not only did she manage to watch every single Lord of the Rings, Twilight, Harry Potter, Star Wars, and Fast and the Furious movie, but she stayed awake and alert through every one. She tried getting Spencer to pay attention to Twilight, but he did fall asleep, though somehow managed to make it through every Fast and the Furious film. She'd make him re-watch them in time, but right now she was just glad that she could get up and move around like a normal person again.

Speaking of, she was currently waiting for her boyfriend to come back from the store. She'd wanted to go with, but he insisted on getting some surprises, so he went alone.

Y/N was cleaning up her kitchen when the door opened and Spencer walked in, struggling to carry more than four large grocery bags.

"Geez, what did you get? I thought we were just making a pizza..." Y/N laughed, running over to help him carry some of the bags. He handed her the lighter ones, still taking caution of her injuries, and she smiled fondly for it.

"I know," he said, slightly out of breath from the walk. "And I got stuff to make pizza, but there were some other things I wanted to get you."

She was about to open one of the bags to help unload everything, but he stopped her. "No! Don't look at anything. Surprises, remember?"

With a sigh and a small laugh, Y/N stepped away from the bags as Spencer set down the ones he was carrying. "Fine. Where do you want me?"

"Bedroom. I'll come in when I'm done." He walked to her and gave her a big, deep kiss before practically pushing her to the bedroom. "Won't take long, promise."

As she heard him unload the bags in the kitchen through the closed door, Y/N wondered what he could possibly have gotten. Knowing Spencer, it could have been about a million different things. Since they'd started dating, he was always so creative and thoughtful with his 'surprises', and each one had been different every time. And since he knew her so well, probably more than she knew herself, she was certain she was going to love it.

That being said, it was taking way longer than she thought it would.

"Hey, you said it wasn't going to take long!" she called out, crossing her legs and swinging them off the bed after closing Twitter from her phone and setting it on the nightstand. "You didn't get lost in there, did you?"

"No!" Spencer called back. "Almost done!"

She smiled to herself, tapping her fingers against her knees and tilting her head to the side in wait.

About a minute passed when she heard him at the door. "Okay, close your eyes!"

She rolled them affectionately before doing so. "They're closed!"

As she heard the door open, she couldn't help the smile that adorned her face, only growing wider when she felt Spencer pepper sweet kisses along her cheeks before she felt him kneel in front of her on the floor. He took her knees and spread them apart, and she raised her eyebrows, eyes still closed. "What are you doing?"

"Getting in position. Open your eyes."

By the amused tone in his voice alone, Y/N thought she had a pretty good idea of what she might find when she regained sight. Sure enough, when she opened her eyes, she looked down and noticed Spencer kneeling on the floor, head tilted upward to look at her, his hands in his lap and his eyes searching hers with the most adoring gleam she'd ever seen.

She laughed, bringing her hands out to run through his hair. When they cradled his cheeks, he smiled, bringing his hands up from his lap and revealing... A vibrator. She'd never seen it before. He must have bought and sanitized it before coming in the room, which would be why it had taken so long.

"You.. You bought me a vibrator?"

"Mhm," he answered with the giddiest tone she'd ever heard from him. "I really appreciated what you did for me while you were... out of commission... a few weeks ago, so I wanted to return the favor. Kind of. I, uh... I have an idea..."

Y/N took the vibrator from him and turned it over in her hands as he explained himself.

"I know we could start having sex again, but I thought this would be a fun way to ease you into it, plus I get to make it even."

She looked down at him, amused with an eyebrow raised and a small smirk forming on her mouth. "You want to watch me fuck myself with a vibrator?"

Spencer nodded, placing his hands on her knees again. "And we don't even have to have sex afterwards if you don't want. I have extra clothes here, and I'm more than prepared to take a cold shower when you're done."

Laughing, she leaned down and kissed his forehead, right before leaning her own against it. "You're sure?"

"Mhm. Only if you want to, I mean, I thought it would be fun..."

Y/N pulled away and ran a hand through his hair, nodding. "It does sound fun. You gonna talk me through it?"

He nodded and leaned up on his knees a little to reach her lips, kissing her just as deeply as he had in the kitchen earlier. She kissed him back fervently, reveling in the feeling of his tongue against hers and the soft hums he let out whenever their lips slightly parted to kiss each other deeper.

Eventually she pushed his shoulders down and moved her head back, looking down at him with her bottom lip tucked between her teeth briefly before speaking. "Will you take my pants off for me, please?" she inquired sweetly, batting her eyelashes.

If she kept up this sweet act, this was going to be way harder for him than anticipated, and they both knew it. Regardless, he was more than happy to reach up and unbutton her jeans, looking up at her adoringly while he shimmied them down over her thighs and eventually her ankles.

The second he went back to his position on the floor, Y/N flipped the vibrator over in her hands. "What would you like me to do, baby?"

"Put your legs up on my shoulders?"

She draped her ankles over his shoulders and pulled him closer with them, a small smile forming as his eyes practically widened, being so close to her, where he hadn't been in so long. "Don't turn the vibrator on yet," he said softly, his eyes flicking up to meet hers. He turned his head a little and pressed a soft kiss to the inside of her calf before he continued. "I want you to touch it to yourself, just lightly over your panties, okay?"

With a nod, Y/N leaned back on one arm and used the other to bring the toy to her clothed pussy, running it softly over herself as instructed. She sighed, biting her lip as she looked down at Spencer, who was mesmerized by her hand movements. She could feel herself getting visibly wetter as he watched, a soft whine escaping her throat before he looked up at her.

"You feeling it already, baby?" he murmured softly, bringing his arms up to wrap around the underside of her legs and resting his hands on the insides of her thighs. As his fingers drifted softly in lazy circles, she mimicked their movements with the vibrator on her clit, longing desperately for more friction.

"Please," she breathed, so lightly that she was unsure he'd even heard her, even as she looked him dead in the eye as she said it.

For a moment she thought about sliding the vibrator under the fabric anyway, taking the chance that he wouldn't do anything to chastise her for it. Thankfully it didn't have to go that far, because Spencer removed himself completely from her and stood up.

"Lay back against the headboard?" he asked more than demanded.

Y/N didn't even have to think, scooting back and into position. As she did so, he climbed on the bed himself and sat across from her, making himself as comfortable as he could be.

Probably because she was excited to start having sex again, but also because it was just fun to see her boyfriend's reactions to her boldness, she smirked a little, looking him straight in the eye as she slipped her panties off and threw them in his direction. They landed on his shoulder, and he didn't move them, his own giddy grin making an appearance. To give him more of a show, she ran her hands slowly up her legs, spreading them wider with each passing second until they were completely open, revealing everything to him.

The second Spencer's eyes glanced down, she started to move, using her middle finger to run through pussy. She continued this for almost a minute, her boyfriend completely focused on what she was doing, speechless, before almost jolting him with her words.

"You gonna help me out, Doc, or are you just gonna stare?"

He looked back up at her face, and she could see him visibly swallow, his enchantment with her completely endearing. Then he replied.

"God, you're beautiful..." The sweetness in his words, just barely laced with desire made her move a little faster, though not by much. He still seemed to notice, though, because he flashed a grin that disappeared as quickly as it came, right before shifting in his place and continuing with his words. "You have no idea how much I've missed seeing your pretty little pussy..."

She sighed, leaning her head back and circling her clit. She loved hearing him talk, about anything, really, but when he was like this? She couldn't get enough.

"So many nights this past month, it's taken so much out of me, resisting the urge to just sneak my hand up your shorts when we were in bed, watching movies together. To feel you squirm under my touch. I thought about how much I wanted to play with your pussy, sort of like you're doing now..."

Her fingers moved a little faster as she recalled a similar dream she'd had one of those nights. She'd been thinking about sex all day and ended up dreaming about just that—Spencer crawling over her and fingering her, bringing her to the edge over and over again until she finally woke up feeling sore. She'd been moving in her sleep, and it wasn't fun. At all.

But now she could move all she wanted. Listening to her boyfriend talk about doing to her exactly what she'd experienced and dreamed about many times before filled her with the most joy she'd felt in the longest month of her life.

So she reached for the vibrator that she'd set beside her, and replaced her fingers with it, opening her eyes to meet him. He watched her intently with his hands clenching the sheets beneath him. It made her smile, knowing he couldn't do anything about it, and that spurred her on. She hesitated to turn it on, wanting to wait until he started speaking again, maybe when he was in the middle of a sentence, to see if he'd pause or stumble over his words.

As she ran the toy along her clit, she tilted her head to the side and sighed. "Your fingers always feel so good inside me, baby," she said, slipping the vibrator lower and slowly plunging it inside of her. "They're so long and perfect. And you use them so well."

He exhaled, still completely entranced with everything she was saying and doing. Because just as long as she hadn't had any sexual stimulation, he hadn't seen her experience it either, and this was just as exhilarating for him as it was for her.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he asked softly, briefly meeting her eyes.

She laughed a little, giving him the most mischievous look before clicking the vibrator on and slowly moving it in and out of herself. "If you want to call it quits and just fuck me, all you have to do is say so... I don't mind, believe me..."

He genuinely looked like he was contemplating it before shaking his head softly, a hint of sadness flashing in his eyes. "No, I-I promised I'd make it even. I want to watch you."

With that sentiment, Y/N worked the vibrator a little faster, sighing out as she did so. "So... When you do finally fuck me, do you still want to take me from behind?"

"Mhm," Spencer sighed, shifting his position again. "You feel so good that way. So nice and tight. And it's even better when I have your hair in my fingers, hearing you moan for me while I tug on it."

As her one hand worked the vibrator inside and out of her, Y/N moved her other to circle her clit, both of them working together to build up the orgasm that was already starting to come to the surface. After all this time not having any sexual release, she knew this wouldn't take long, even if she tried to take it slow.

She moaned out softly like Spencer described, barely keeping her eyes open enough to see him grip the sheets tighter. His eyes were trained on her movements, barely blinking.

Since she was closer to orgasm than she'd been in months, she closed her eyes before speaking again, hoping that he'd continue talking and knowing that when he did it would finally give her the release she'd so desperately wanted to feel.

"Fuck, baby, yes... I love when you fuck me from behind and pull my hair. It makes me feel like such a bad girl..."

"Oh? So you'd rather I fuck you like a dirty whore than my girlfriend, is that it?"

Her words seemed to have flipped a switch in him, because every one of his was dripping with a deep seduction she'd only ever heard from him a few times. It sent a jolt of electricity through her body as her hands picked up speed, and she brought herself closer to the edge.

"Ohhh, yes," she sighed, her eyes squeezing shut harder as she felt that telltale tension in her lower stomach. She was going to cum any second now. "Please, baby, I want it so bad..."

He spoke loud and clear, knowing exactly what would get her there. "Aw, my poor little slut hasn't been fucked in so long she's desperate to be degraded? Is that what you want? You wanna be fucked so dumb you can't even think?"

Every sensation she was feeling right now really did send her into a state of speechlessness. It was truly magical the way Spencer knew how to control her like that. He knew every trick in the book, every single thing that would make her numb in the best ways possible, and it never got old. All she could manage were sharp breaths and the occasional whimper as she started to experience the first orgasm she'd had in just over a month.

All it took was one word. One demand. One forceful step on the gas pedal that sent her flying off the cliff and into the pool of pleasure below.

"Come."

With a long, drawn-out moan, Y/N held the vibrator as far inside her as she could take it, her other hand working her clit through one of the most blinding orgasms she'd ever experienced by herself. Her head stayed planted firmly against the headboard as her back arched and her toes curled, every muscle in her body tensing. Her vision went white, sparkling like tv static behind closed eyelids as she lit up with pleasure. God, she missed that feeling. Everything was so heavy and light at the same time, even as she came down, her back slumping against the headboard once again and her eyes fluttering open.

Spencer looked at her like she was the only thing he'd ever known, ever had the pleasure to see with his own two eyes.

Seeing how obvious it was that he was trying very hard not to do anything about his own arousal, Y/N clicked the vibrator off and slid it out of herself, smiling weakly at him and trying to catch her breath. "You want a taste?"

She'd never seen him move faster in her life. She laughed softly as he climbed over to her and brought the toy to his lips, looking her deep in the eyes as he took it in his mouth and sucked on it. The pure guttural groan that left his throat sent a chill down her spine, made even more profound when his hand came up to run his fingers through her pussy softly. She jolted forward at the contact, sending the vibrator further into his mouth, to which he groaned again and fluttered his eyes closed.

His fingers gathered more of her arousal as he pulled off the vibrator and opened his eyes again, sitting back just a little. He then brought his fingers away and to his lips, coating them in her arousal like lip balm. He sucked them off quickly before climbing forward and kissing her on the mouth.

Tasting herself on him was almost as intoxicating as the orgasm itself, Y/N leaning into him and bringing her hands up to comb through his hair after tossing the vibrator to the side. The two of them stayed like that for a long time, making out with each other before they eventually came up for air.

Spencer smiled, leaning his forehead against hers. "You're fucking incredible, you know that?"

She laughed, brushing her nose against his. "You're the one who bought me a vibrator, And helped me get through this injury... I love you, you know."

He sighed into her, pressing another small, sweet kiss to her lips before shifting seemingly rather uncomfortably. "I love you, too. But as much as I love you, I really need to take that cold shower now."

"I'll get our pizza started while you do that," Y/N said with a laugh. "And then, maybe I can finally convince you to watch Twilight with me without falling asleep? At least the first movie?"

Spencer got off the bed and kissed the top of her head with the most doting smile. "Anything you want."

#spencer reid x reader #spencer read smut #criminal minds #criminal minds smut #spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x y/n smut #criminal minds fanfiction

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