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loriache · 16 days

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Butch up that Elf: my Marcille manifesto

TBQH, this came into being because the Falin "dragoness" fanart rewired my brain completely. It's sillytimes, but we're going to make a serious argument: trying out being a little butch would Fix Her.

1. Marcille Gender Discomfort

Now, Marcille LOVES feminity. She loves playing dressup, she loves elaborate gowns, she spends her free time going to the spa - the absolute last thing I want is to deny that. However, there's also a definite vibe that this isn't just a preference. Specifically, the way that she pushes Falin towards femininity suggests that she isn't comfortable with gender nonconformity in the people around her.

If this was something she was 100% confident about ("I'm doing this for myself and nobody else!") surely what other people do wouldn't be a big deal? Of course, you can read this as a little bit of solipsism; "what works for me must work for you too! I think this is so cute and would suit you - wouldn't you agree?"

But for the sake of this argument, all I'm trying to suggest is that gender nonconformity (and probably sexual nonconformity... well, frankly, any kind of sexuality at all) is unlikely to be something that's on Marcille's "radar". She hasn't tried out other ways of presenting and decided she doesn't like them. I do think she'd be a very flamboyant butch - "ouji lolita" vibes, you know? It's a whole new set of wardrobe options she could play dress-up in, even.

After the story ends, she starts dressing like her mother in all black, which makes sense - her mother was also a court magician, so she's probably emulating her in order to project confidence and authority. But I can't say I think she should stick with this. Break away and be your own person, Marcille! Try a fancy waistcoat and frilled jacket!

2. Haircut

This is another potential hard sell, I'm sure. The people she loves doing her hair is a cute symbol of their care for her, and her hair is key to her magic - so there's plenty of reason for her to keep it long. But like... think practically. Having someone do your hair every morning, for the whole of her long life, while it gets messier over the day (because she can't remember to keep it neat)... That's got to be such a pain. My hair gets messy when I put a hoodie on. And I have short hair.

It would require her to go through a change of mind, and probably a little more growth in how secure she feels in her relationships, but - the hairdo's a symbol. The more important thing is the relationships themselves. Eventually I think there might be something liberating about cutting it off, even if she might eventually decide to grow it out again.

The lion, her trauma, took something away from her which was really important to her. The people around her are able to make that easier, and make up for it, and soften that loss, but... Mithrun isn't the person he was before, you know? He's a new person. The relationship he has with his brother is new, and I don't know if it's one that the person he was before could have had. If Falin hadn't died, they wouldn't have gone on that wonderful adventure! They wouldn't have met Senshi or saved Izutsumi and Laios and Marcille wouldn't have gotten so close. So I think it's totally congruent with the themes of the story that the burning away of this part of Marcille's self might eventually create the potential for new growth in a new direction, not clinging onto the parts that are gone.

This also isn't totally out of the norm for elven mages - both Otta and Flamela have short hair. Otta is canonically butch, and potentially Flamela reads that way to elves too, but the point is it clearly is possible to be an accomplished mage without long hair.

3. Desiring (to be) a chivalrous prince

Marcille's succubus is clearly General Halleus from her favourite book series, the Daltian Clan. The fact that this is her ideal man.... it certainly plays into readings of her as Not Straight. But at least, this conveys the way her conception of sex and romance is strongly idealised, dissociated from the bodily and from physical desire.

There are many ways to interpret that, including thinking about what types of desire this fixation is obstructing because she is not comfortable with it, but I am going to focus here on what this desire does signify. She likes the trappings of courtly romance, and is clearly comfortable putting herself in the role of the princess, being taken away on a white horse by a noble (but tormented; eyepatch has "death" on it lmao) prince. (Though I think he's actually the token male lead who isn't royalty; he's a General. There's always one in Romfan, lmao. IYKYK)

A kiss on the hand - this is so chaste, I think it's clear it's more about desire to play a role in a dynamic than it is about desire in a physical sense. There is undoubtedly a big part of Marcille that wants to be a beloved and chased-after princess, but I think it isn't at all impossible that she'd also enjoy being the powerful, cool, and chivalrous "prince" to someone (a pretty girl, perhaps) who needs her protection.

This is a little silly, because it's clearly just aping the shoujo artstyle that articulates basically the same idea as her succubus, that Marcille is attached to highly abstracted and idealised romantic (and Romantic) tropes and ideas. But the imaginary "successful" Marcille from chapter 4 looks quite similar to her succubus. (Another thing I noticed is that in the fantasy she has sharp ears... like full elves have. Despite what she says, I think the cultural messaging that this trait is "attractive" and hers are inferior got to her at least a bit. 😥)

Also, the way that she treats Falin, scolding her indulgently, trying to look after her and wanting to be looked up to and respected by her... that aligns more with the "masculine" role in the trope that her succubus is referencing. "What are we going to do with you...?" I can imagine her saying this to Falin, word for word. Whereas, if anyone real started talking down to her, even affectionately, I don't think she'd like it, given the negative way she reacts when people don't respect her or her skills. Especially after canon, given the way the Winged Lion was treating her.

Her attitude to Falin is partially down to her reluctance to acknowledge Falin as an adult, who is independent and can grow beyond her and leave her behind. But I think even as they move on from that unhealthy dynamic, Marcille is still going to get pleasure from feeling capable, reliable, able to look after and protect Falin. She'd like to pull the chair out for her in a restaurant on a date, you know?

4. Conclusion

Even after the growth she goes through during the story, there are parts of Marcille's character that are very much obstructed. Romance, sexuality, and gender, feel like one of those to me. The way that her discomfort with the messy origins of food betrayed a deeper, more significant discomfort with the cycles of life and death.

Much in the same way, I'd argue that the simplified, idealistic, and safely fantastical way that she views romance, as well as her very "safe" gender presentation and tendency to push it onto others as well, suggest an underlying discomfort in her own gender and sexuality. The character growth she goes through leaves her in a place where it may be possible to safely re-evaluate her relationship with Falin, as well as her choice of clothing and hairstyle, both things that go through a change at the end of the manga. Neither, I think, reach a sustainable stopping point that we see - there will be a point when it's more servants doing her hair than friends, just out of practicality, because they're all going to be so, so busy. The black clothing to copy her mum is cute, but once she gets some more self-confidence in her own skills as a court magician, I think she'll move on from it. And... who knows what direction her relationship with Falin will develop, over the years? I'm rooting for them, anyway.

In all those cases, I think moving outside of the things she's done before, into something really different from the things that are "safe" and expected, will be the most rewarding path for her. Like in the dungeon, things that she would initially reject were actually able to sustain her and broaden her tastes. She loves dressing up, looking after people, and "princely romance". So I say: Butch Marcille! It'll be good for her!!

#og post #marcille donato #falin x marcille #farcille #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi meta #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #dunmeshi

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hunnylagoon · 3 months

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Right Where You Left Me

Pt 4: The Sweetest Thing to Ever Scare You (Finale)

Ellie Williams x reader

I remember when I first saw you. I remember looking into your warm almond eyes and feeling butterflies in my stomach. But soon, when I looked into your eyes, I no longer felt the same warmth that I once knew. It felt as though you had killed all of the butterflies inside my stomach but yet, I still loved you.

Premise: You and Ellie are childhood best friends until you drift apart. Funny thing about soulmates is they tend to find their way back to each other. You and Ellie try to end the tireless war between you.

Warnings: Angst / drinking / violence / not really religious mentions in this one

Part one here!

Part two here!

Part three over here!

Guys I thought I posted this two days ago but I actually just saved it to drafts. Sorry for being an idiot lmao

I think that I have unlearned how to love.

That’s not even a word but there is no other way to tell you that I have turned myself cold.

Without partying to distract me and religion to fill in gaps of emptiness, I isolate myself and begin to write once again. I'm almost certain that my body has been telling me to write, that I need to pour myself into art as opposed to a girl I was friends with a million years ago.

I figure that I need to create rather than destroy but it might take me a while to do so.

The morning after I abandoned my faith on the church floor, I had woken up and expected Ellie to be gone, however, she was wide awake and playing subway surfers on her phone. Her hair is messy and her eyes are half-lidded.

She turns to look at me when she feels the shuffling of the bedsheets; despite her doing nothing more than smile at me it is like an understanding passed between us, war is over.

Almost.

It's like I've forgotten how to be soft, I can't manage to get the words out that I need to, and the thought of it alone makes me cringe. "Breakfast?" I ask, unsure of what else to say.

Ellie passes on it and I awkwardly excuse myself, saying that I got called in to take a brunch shift at work. Of course, this is not true. What I do is get into my car and drive and drive until I get mad at myself for burning gas.

The war between Ellie and I had ended but it didn't register in my head, I almost fell in love with it. Without the constant arguing and passive aggressiveness, there was nothing to put a wall between us and I wasn't ready to be vulnerable again.

So I begin to feed Ellie the ugliest parts of me; I show her everything I'm sure she will hate but she doesn't, she's patient and shows me the kindness I have been looking everywhere for. Still, I am cold to her, I don't know what else to do.

I try to push her away all over again but this time, she doesn't let me. Ellie comes into my room when I'm studying to sit on my bed so that she can be in proximity to me. Sometimes she'll ask me if I want to go for a walk or a late-night gas station run, all of the things we used to do.

When I'm angry at her, she lets it happen, she won't escalate the fight all she does is apologize and does what she can to fix it. Everything feels like it's in order again, Joel even starts to send me little text messages to check in on me and sends me Facebook memes that make him think of me.

As of now, we are setting up for Dina's twenty-first birthday. The living room, typically a space for casual gatherings and movie nights, had undergone a transformation. Vibrant streamers adorned the walls, and an array of balloons in assorted hues scattered themselves along the floor "Are balloons too childish?" Abby asks as she walks out of her bedroom.

"They better not be after I just spent half an hour doing all of these," Cat answers, giving her a scornful glare.

"They look great, Cat," I smile and give her a thumbs-up from where I am in the kitchen dumping bags of chips into bowls. "Should I make a veggie platter?"

Cat furrows her eyebrows "If you can finish it by yourself, sure."

"Cat, we aren't children, adults eat vegetables," Abby takes a seat on the couch behind Cat, investigating the hard work she's put into making the living room look nice for just one night "Isn't it weird that Dina is organizing her own surprise party?"

I shrug, placing a wooden cutting board down on the kitchen counter "I don't blame her, I don't think we've always been one hundred percent reliable, me specifically."

"But it's not a surprise if she knows about it."

"So?" Cat asks.

"So why are we calling it a surprise party if it isn't a surprise?"

"Why not?"

"Well, why can't we just call it a party?"

"I don't think it matters," I cut in, I begin to peel carrots and slice them up into quarters. Ellie comes out of her bedroom, she took a nap after completing her physics presentation, her hair in a messy bun, and she's in her typical pyjama uniform of sweats and a hoodie. "Hey, Ellie," I smile at her.

She rubs some sleep away from her green eyes "Hey," Ellie walks over to the kitchen island where I slice and chop vegetables and sits right in front of me. Even half asleep she looks like a statue of marble carved by a skilled hand.

Abby raises an eyebrow, asking 'When did you guys become friends?' without saying it and then it hits me like the plane in Lost. Ellie still hasn't told anyone about our history, our sixteen years of friendship is invisible to the eyes of those who think they know us well.

I'm broken from my thoughts when Abby speaks up "When are you picking up the cake?"

My heart drops "I'm not?"

Cat and Abby cast one another side glances while Ellie snatches a cucumber off my cutting board "Dina was handing out duties and you said you would take care of the cake."

I freeze, unsure of what to say "Nuh-uh." I shake my head like a child denying blame for breaking her mother's favourite dish.

"Yuh-huh," Cat shoots back. "How could you forget that?"

My mind fumbles for an excuse and somehow I land on "I forgot because I went temporarily insane from Lyme disease," What am I saying? "I got Lyme disease because I go camping in secret," I don't camp "And I never told you guys that I go camping because I'm deeply ashamed of it."

Now everyone looks perpetually confused, Ellie included "What are you talking about?" Abby asks, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Okay-well," I place my knife flat on the counter by the wooden cutting board, ignoring the odd spiel I just went on "I'm going to drive to-

"You dropped your car off for a suspension repair yesterday," Abby reminds me.

"Ellie is going to drive me to get a cake," I correct myself "I will be back to finish making my veggie plate." I quickly rinse my hands before grabbing Ellie's keys from the little jewelry dish on the island and yank the sleeve of her hoodie to pull her along.

Ellie doesn't say anything, she slips into some Crocs and we walk outside to her car. "Where are we headed?"

"Uh, hang on," In Ellie's passenger seat, I go on Google Maps to look up the closest bakeries that are still open at this hour, there are two, one a couple of streets away and the other one is across town and closing in twenty minutes. "Infectious Confections," I wrinkle my nose "That's a weird fucking name."

While Ellie tries to make conversation in the car I only speak when giving her directions to the bakery. She knows something is up and I can tell by the way she keeps glancing at me. I just can't manage to get it out of my head that she's still keeping me a secret.

She pulls up to the bakery and I get out before she even turns her car off, she pulls the keys out of the ignition and trails behind me through the doors.

The bakery itself was rustic and clean, there were two display cases and tills one of the displays held danishes, croissants, cookies, scones and whatever those little swirly flakey things are called. The other display had a big chalk menu above it that read 'Cakery' Though what was in the display case was very sparse.

"Hi," I walk up to the till, putting on the friendly smile and customer service voice that I usually only use at work. "This is pretty short notice but I was wondering if you had any cakes left or if I could get one made for today?"

The guy behind the counter is a scrawny teenager who looks like he has had a long enough day of dealing with annoying customers "We close in half an hour, there's not enough time to bake and decorate a cake." He explains it like he's said this to a million people, he's bored of the same phrases that his manager has scripted out for him.

"Any shot that someone didn't pick up their cake?" I ask, fingers crossed in the hope that he says yes.

"Let me talk to my manager," His voice drags on, and he turns around and disappears through a commercial kitchen door. I wait patiently, hands balled together in front of me as I rock back and forth on my heels. A minute or two later he comes back holding a bright blue cake with pink detailing of bows and mustaches, there's text on it that reads 'It's a...' gender reveal cake. "This is all we have left, they cancelled last minute.

I look back at Ellie to get her opinion, her eyebrows are furrowed slightly "Maybe we good just get some of those cupcakes and smush them together and smear the icing so it looks like a cake."

I wave her off "I'll buy it," I say this only because it is 5:41 and with each passing minute I am growing desperate, also I don't want Jesse to be disappointed that I fumbled the cake and ruined his girlfriend's birthday.

Angsty teenager puts the bright blue monstrosity into a cake box and charges me an absurd total for it, I bitterly tap my card on the machine.

As I walk back out to Ellie's car I take a brief moment to look at the sky, it's the same hue as cotton candy and looks as if it had been projected from a watercolour painting, even after I get back into the car and Ellie begins to blast her old dad rock songs, I can't tear my eyes away from it.

After five minutes of silence from my end, Ellie finally asks the question that's been burning into the forefront of her brain "Why are you being weird?"

"Why haven't you told anyone that we met before we moved in together?"

Her dark eyebrows furrow "You haven't told anyone either-

"Yes, I have."

"Who?"

"Yara, Stacy, Kayla, Mitch, Nigel, Carmen, literally everyone from my work," I admit "I just haven't told people who know you personally so it can't make its way back to you because you clearly don't want people to know."

She falls silent, searching her mind for the right words. She clutches the steering wheel tight and looks dead ahead at the car's bumper-to-bumper ahead of us. "I just know how to slip it into conversation."

"I don't think it's that hard, you can just say that we were friends, you don't need to give an intricate play-by-play of everything that happened."

"Why is it important that people know if we're cool again?"

I turn my head to slowly look at her "You are the one who always said 'If we don't have honesty, we have nothing at all'," I point out.

Silence strings between us again, I almost want to throw up.

'We're cool again' Nope, not anymore, we are so very far from cool. Instead of Ellie casting me little glances as she had on the ride there, she ignores my presence almost completely while I glare daggers at her. Was she embarrassed by me? When we went to lunch together why did she lie to Dina about where she was? When she slept in my bed why did Cat ask me if I knew why Ellie came home at eight AM with nothing, not even a key? Did she crawl through my bedroom window to walk around to the front door and pretend she was just getting home?

AND WHY DIDN'T I CALL HER OUT?

She was keeping me a secret and that realization hurt worse than any injury I had ever suffered. She hasn't even told her dead who practically raised me that we lived together.

God, we weren't even anything and she was keeping me under wraps like I was some disgraceful secret that she would get shamed for holding. The very second she approached our house, I got out of her car, she hadn't even stopped it completely but cake in hand, I hopped out of her car door and didn't look back.

I think I've had my fair share of partying.

After that month-long bender I had where I went to clubs every night and replaced food with vodka, I never wanted to even look at another solo cup full of liquor. Instead of drinking, smoking, or doing karaoke, I hide from Ellie.

I hide from her in conversations and sometimes sneak into my bedroom just to get a bit of breathing room from all of the strangers in my house. Wherever Ellie was, I was not. If she was outside, I was inside, if she was in the living room, I was in the kitchen enjoying my veggie platter.

Have you ever been the only sober person around in a group of people? If the answer is no, have you ever babysat a houseful of toddlers? Because it's just about the same thing.

When I'm not hiding from the girl who wriggled her way back into my good graces just to trip herself off the podium, I'm cleaning up, protecting our furniture, holding back hair as girls I've never met sob into the toilet, and stopping the drunk from doing stupid things.

"Hey, buddy," I take my can of hairspray that this frat-adjacent man is holding behind an ignited lighter "I don't think you would look good as a burn victim," His friends moan in disappointment as I do so, they were very excited to see a makeshift flamethrower; I wasn't in the mood to have my house burn down, or have a guy with peach fuzz waste my thirty dollar hair spray.

Thirty dollars?

Note to self for later: Make smarter spending choices (And smarter relationship choices!).

I felt a tap on my shoulder only to turn around and see Dina, she wasn't drunk, just tipsy "Smile!" She holds up a camera to her eye and clicks the shudder button before I even have a chance to react the flash goes off. A large Polaroid begins to print out, Dina snatches it and shakes it until you can see my silhouette, my eyes are wide, my hair flying behind me from the quick turn of my head and I'm holding a can of hairspray angled to look like I'm going to spray the camera with it "Cute!" She smiles, tucking it into her pocket for later "Wait, I want a group picture of the roommates."

Dina takes my hand and pulls me to one of the couches where Ellie and Abby sit with some guy, she shoes him to get up and drags Cat over to replace him, she stands me in between Ellie and Abby and lightly pushes me down to sit wedged between the two.

"Jesse, please do not do me dirty with this picture," She hands the pink Polaroid camera to her boyfriend and quickly ushers herself to the far left of the couch where she bends over to kiss Cat on the cheek for the picture. Ellie and I are stiff and awkward when the flash goes off.

After the picture is taken, Ellue turns to face me just the slightest "Hey, I think we should talk-

"I think it's time for cake!" I push myself off the couch and usher myself to the kitchen.

I pull the cake out of the fridge, looking at what I had done to salvage it; Below the part that said 'It's a...' I wrote '21 year old!' in chocolate pre-made Betty Crocker icing that I had in the fridge for months, it didn't look the best, but it could've been worse.

Dina, of course, cackles when she sees it. To her, it is the funniest thing she's seen all night. I stick the candles in and light it with the light I confiscated from peach fuzz frat boy and push the cake towards Dina after tucking the light back into my pocket, she is illuminated in the glow of iPhone flash all filming her.

"Make a wish!"

Age Sixteen- Grade 11

I think back to how embarrassing it felt to be thoughtful.

How fragile I felt when I would share my feelings and how frail I seem when I do it now. Ellie was always tougher than I was, in rugby, in fights, just in general. That's why I figured she would be taking it better than me when I cut contact, once again I have been proven wrong.

"Conner, can we please just leave?" I pleaded with my then-boyfriend. The night had started fine but after a couple of drinks Ellie and I were becoming increasingly hostile to one another, it wasn't my intention to speak to her but the universe forced my hand when we were shoved into a circle of our friends and made to converse around the bonfire at the beach.

The salty breeze carried the sounds of laughter and the gentle crashing of waves, the scent of roasted marshmallows wafted through the air.

"What, you need your boyfriend's permission or something?" Ellie held a can of berry blast Smirnoff, staring into my soul from the other side of the fire, the sparks glitter through the night like fireflies. Her words don't feel too bad but they don't feel too good either.

I cast her a glare before I looked back to my boyfriend "Please?"

He is getting perpetually annoyed with me he shrugs away from my grasp, "Fuck off, we just got here," He mutters, Conner must think I couldn't hear it. He had already downed three Bud lights and a couple of shots of cheap vodka, now he is nursing another beer in hand.

"Excuse me?" I say, narrowing my eyes. Everyone around the fire pauses their conversation to tune into mine. "Come on," I stand up and try to pull him along so we can have a conversation away from the prying eyes of our friends.

I can't pull the mass of the 6'2 quarterback along with me but he obliges and follows me where I yank him. As I drag him along the rest of the group giggle and makes jokes along the lines of 'Trouble in paradise' but Ellie is the only one who doesn't jump back into mindless conversation, her unnerving eyes are still on me while I chew my boyfriend out by the shoreline.

"Why do I have to leave just because you're feeling a little bummed out?"

I'm almost floored at out someone can lack so much empathy "Because you're my boyfriend?" I can feel myself tensing up.

"Why does that mean you can't get up and leave on your own?" He defends "You begged me to come here and now I just wanna down a couple of beers and hang out with my friends."

"You've already drank like twenty!" I retort.

"It's a fucking party!" Conner says, raising his voice "It's a party and it's summer and you're seriously trying to tell me not to have fun?"

"Fuck!" I shout in frustration "Why don't you ever call me? Why can't you ever let me in?" The argument is quickly escalating "Why didn't you tell me that you kissed Tamar and why haven't you told me that you love me?"

"Because I don't."

My words fail me. I knew he didn't, I knew that he hardly even liked me. My dad had thought so highly of him, she said he was the type of guy to rescue a baby from a burning building but as I look at him now, I figure that he eats babies.

I almost open my mouth to say something different, almost, but I don't. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I didn't, I might've been able to salvage the rotting corpse of my relationship with Ellie but I didn't. "Fine," I say, voice calm and quiet "Let's stay."

Before that night I had never really gotten drunk but the second I got back to the bonfire, I was digging through the cooler and shotgunning canned Smirnoff. "Woah," Riley laughs "Someone's finally being a bad influence."

I got myself so shit-faced that when everyone else got up to dance to the music blaring through the Bluetooth speaker, I sat by myself at the shoreline, looking bitterly out towards to ocean while the tides crash at my feet and get sucked back into the ocean. For a moment I think about jumping in and letting my lax body get washed away and sink beneath the surface until I wash up as a water-bloated corpse that some nine-year-old will find when they're beach combing.

My mouth tastes like peroxide and blood, my lungs burn with a red-hot pain. The wind is becoming increasingly harsh and I ignore the hair that is tangled into my golden hoop earrings.

"Wow, you look awful," I don't need to turn around to know who it is.

"Can you just fuck off?" I say "I don't give a shit about you, just leave me alone."

She always had to antagonize me, Ellie went out of her way to stray from the group and bother me. It had something to do with the alcohol in her system. Despite her alleged hatred for me, she takes a seat next to me regardless.

"Fuck, you're so sensitive," She scoffs "I don't know why you're dating him, I'm not even sure why you'd want to fuck him unless you're too lazy to jerk off-

My hands think before my head and I deck Ellie right in the side of her face, getting a solid hit to her cheekbone. My hand flies over my mouth "I'm sorry, I-

Ellie doesn't waste any time in lunging back at me, she pushes me down by my shoulders until my back is in the shallow of the water that moments ago just splashed at my feet and takes a swing. The impact of her punch almost knocks me sober.

I take a sharp inhale, grabbing her elbows and pulling her down to where she was the one on her back and I was the one straddling her. I land one last blow to her nose, I hear a crunch and the panic immediately sends me scrambling to my feet. My eyes go wide at the blood dripping down, her face I turn to run but Ellie is faster, she grabs me by my hair and yanks me down further into the water with her.

"Fucking cunt!" I cry, though my scream is drowned out by the overwhelmingly loud tides crashing on the shore "Get the fuck off me!"

Ellie is better at fighting than I am, I had never been on this side of her before, usually, I had been the one to drag her away from fights but now I am the one who is going to stumble home numb from the devastating pain.

Frankly, I'm fucking scared.

She continues to drag me by my hair until I'm knee-deep in the water with her, she almost throws her entire weight into me, dunking me beneath the surface where her bony hands snake around my neck. My eyes have gone blurry with the salt water, they sting and burn. I can't see anything, all I can do is uselessly thrash beneath her. My hands push against her face, trying to pry her off my body.

Eventually, I manage to claw her face with my fingernails, I dig deep enough that it breaks skin and she recoils just enough for me to knee her in the stomach and let me get out from under her. Just as I try to slip away she reaches for my hair again, but instead of tugging on my hair, she rips out my gold hoop earring. I screech out in agony, hand reaching for where the metal sliced through the lobe of my ear, I shudder in pain; my cries are now jagged and harsh.

This is the exact moment Ellie begins to regret what she's done. "Fuck, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to." Her tone softens and she tries to approach me but I back away from her like a frightened dog.

"Get away from me!" Despite the pain surging in my body, I find the strength in me to hit her again, she staggers back tripping into the water. I hit her so hard that I feel a crack in my knuckle and I yelp out in the immediate shock of pain.

I wasn't sure when the others had noticed this was happening probably because my vision had gone blurry from salt water and adrenaline but before Ellie could hit me again, she was being restrained by Riley and Kennedy while some guy who I had probably had two conversations with dragged my back to shore.

I keel over on my hands and knees and begin to start retching onto the sand. Laila rubs a gentle hand on my back, my hair sticking wet on my forehead. A seagull, disturbed by the commotion, took flight, its wings cutting through the charged air.

Next to the pile of vomit I just heaved, blood drips down from my ear, pooling and then soaking into the sand. My neck swells from what is still the raw sensation of Ellie closing her hands around it.

I look up at Ellie, there is blood that has dripped its way into her mouth, clinging to her white teeth. She has what almost looks like a cat scratch running down her cheek, blood begins to prick and spill from the lacerations.

She stares back at me and we don't say a word but we understand each other clearly, I never want to see you again.

"Let's go," Ellie grabs my arm as Dina begins to slice the cake "We're gonna fix this right now."

"Ellie, there are so many people here," I say in a hushed tone so people can't hear me.

"I don't mean here," She looks at me, face expressionless "Just get in my car."

"Excuse me?" I say, tone accusing "Did you just order me to get in your car?"

"Fuck," She sighs, dropping my wrist to rub her hands down her face "Please can you get in my car so we can work this through."

"There's nothing to work through," I retort "You're embarrassed by me or you still secretly hate me and that's fine, I meant what I said on winter break about the lease, the second it's up, I'm getting the fuck out of here."

"What? No, don't- just," She takes a breath, reevaluating what to say "I have a point to make but I can't make it unless you get in my car."

We stare at each other for a moment, I narrow my eyes and she is still unmoving. Every scenario runs through my head of what could be waiting for me in that car.

"Fine."

I sit silently in her passenger seat, my knees are pulled into my chest and I rest my chin on them. Ellie doesn't say anything either as she drives. I watch each traffic light pass me, every street name to try and make sense of where we are going.

I almost feel like I'm going to suffocate beneath the silence of everything going left unsaid.

When I spot the boardwalk up ahead, I know exactly where she's taking me "Ellie, why are we at the beach?" I give her a side glance "Do I need to take out my earrings?"

Heat rises to her cheeks when I say this, "Not yet," She jokes, getting out of her car and grabbing a tote bag from the back seat, and I follow in tow.

We walk past the boardwalk and onto the sandy beach, I'm already not feeling whatever she's doing; there is sand filling up my Converse and a slight wind chill, I'm really wishing I had a hoodie right now. "Can you tell me what we're doing yet?" I'm hugging myself in an attempt to stay warm "If we're still walking on the beach why couldn't we have just walked on the boardwalk instead? It literally has walk in the name." I'm already going off on one of my tangents.

She still walking ahead of me but she briefly turns around to face me "Can you just stop asking questions for a minute?"

"Okay, whatever," I mutter, trailing behind her still. I can hardly see in the night, the only light to guide us is the moon and the warm ceiling lamps from restaurants along the boardwalk. I can vaguely see Ellie's silhouette, she's outlined by the gentle glow radiating off the moon, I try my best not to stumble over things poking out of the sand that have been lost to sight by darkness.

"Okay," Ellie stops, "Here we are."

"Where are we?" I ask "I can't see shit, I don't know where here is."

Ellie digs around in her pocket for her phone and turns on a flashlight and it reveals a small iron firepit that was cemented into a slab of concrete in the sand. She hands me her phone so I can keep the flash on her and she can see what she's doing.

She pulls out some pages ripped out from her notebook "Can you hand me your lighter?"

My eyebrows furrowed, and I felt around in my pocket wondering if I even had one. I did, it had slipped my mind that I still had the bic lighter that I confiscated from Peach Fuzz. I hand the lighter to her and watch as she tucks the pages beneath logs that were in the firepit before we arrive, they are somewhat charred but still viable.

She flicks the lighter to ignite it and the paper catches immediately. The initial flicker grew into a tentative blaze, licking at the edges of the kindling. The crackling sound echoed through the night.

Once she is sure the fire can survive without her feeding it, she steps away. "Alright, let's have it out."

"Like sex?" I scrunch up my nose.

"Oh my god, no, like let's talk this through." She pinches her nose bridge, taking a breath in before exhaling and putting her hand back down "We're gonna recreate the night of the bonfire how it should've been," Ellie reached back into her bag and pulled out two white claws "I snagged these from Dina's party, sorry this was kind of last minute."

I can't help the smile that grows on my face, I take one of the white claws and crack it open "I don't know how authentic this is gonna be if there isn't any canned Smirnoff."

I think back to exactly how that night played out and I take a seat on the sand, facing the crashing dark ocean. I sip my white claw, as expected Ellie takes a seat next to me, just what happened on the actual night.

"Wow," She says "You look really pretty and I'm an idiot for ever saying you looked awful," Ellie looks gorgeous illuminated by the orange light of the fire, and the breeze causes her flyaway hairs to drift in the wind. "I'm an asshole for pretending that I didn't know you, I was scared I would get hurt again and take it to heart like I did last time. I promise the second we get home that I'll come clean."

I don't know if I can deal with this sugary philosophy. She's being so sweet that it's rotting my teeth.

"Ellie," I say gathering my thoughts, it was so hard being honest with my feelings, it felt like I would get hospitalized if I showed any emotion. "I was so in love with you in high school that it killed me, and I was terrified that my parents would throw me out well, they did- but that's why I pushed you away and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't regret it."

The surprise on her face morphs into a soft smile "What about now?" she asks "Do you still love me?"

I shrug, it's honest "I dunno, but I think there's room to try."

She looks from me to the ocean and the way the moonlight glitters off the surface "What happened next?" Ellie toys with the tab of her drink "Did you hit me?"

"Yeah," I say softly, following her gaze out to the waters "But if we're doing the night how it should've been, I'd rather just kiss you."

Ellie turns her head back to look at me. She shoves her white claw into the sand then takes my face into one of her hands and kisses me like it's her job, so tender and carefully like she's afraid I will break beneath pressure.

How weak have I become? My heart is so full of her that I can hardly call it my own.

A/N: Be grateful for this ending because I was very tempted to give you guys an unhappy one. Sorry that I forgot to post this lol, I’m sad this series is over but excited to show you all my next one which may be the angst-iest yet 👀

Thanks for reading!

Tag list: @elliesaturnsoftdrink @elliesaesp @melanie-watermelon @yalaysbee @laundrybag29 @readbydayana @skylerwhitwyo @lmaoo-spiderman @joliettes @kittnii @taylorgracies @sameenatruther @mikellie @belles-hell @fullmachinegirl @eveshyper @whosmica

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lifeonmarz-blog · 6 months

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Moon through the zodiac

Aries: Your blunt and it often comes across as insensitive. Yet at the same time people may think your too sensitive. Growing up your household was very busy and or very gossipy. People may question your intentions alot with this placement even if your not doing anything some may still assume your up to no good. Its almost like damn all that assuming you might as well actually do something. The way you express yourself is always being judged and people are always trying to ''correct'' it. Causing you to be anti social, very particular on who you share your personality with or a bully. The way you express yourself is very unique just like your sense of humor you be accidentally funny as hell and thats needed in this world dont give away your power to people and allow them to change you into a dolice version of yourself. Light fire under they ass the way you how to. Anyways I wouldnt be surprised if you daydream about your ideal life alot, careful not to be in your head too much and create unrealistic expectations for yourself or others to uphold. I want yall to stop being so hard on yourself. If nobody else tell yall ima tell you i love how passionately you express yourself. The purpose of your moon being here is for you to learn more about yourself and who you are and how your actions/reactions affect others. Step away from whats familiar and comfortable and dig deep. Listen to your intuition. Have some fucking fun.

Taurus: Its your way or the highway HUH? Your moon chose to be here becasue you are the defender. There will be times were you feel your back is against the wall and you face alot of scrutiny from the world. They may come down on you hard but if you can withstand the pressure you will be rewarded. Willpower and self discipline comes easier for you. You have the tendency to be arrogant, domineering and passive aggressive. A good leader keeps those emotions in check. Yall get stuck in yall ways fr i want yall to put more energy into leaving your comfort zone and taking risk. Slow down smell the roses and enjoy where you are. Dont be all work and no play.

Gemini: Yall love some drama. Somehow always ending up in the middle of some shit. Seeing others as competition even when them ppl not worried about you. You like being the center of attention and dont care if its in a postive or negative light. It works for yall though because popularity comes easy for you. This is one of the most social placements for the moon to be. Your reputation means alot to you and networking is high on your priority list. Its common for yall to feel like you always have to choose between something. It may be hard for you to balance your work life and home life. In friendships and relationships you choose to keep the blindfold on ignoring whats really in front of you, procrastinating to handle your problems just hoping theyll go away on there on. You end up in situations where people are betraying you. With the two sides to gemini its like a secret element to your life. Your no stranger to scandal. I feel for you, this isnt a easy place to have the moon be. You care so much about your relationships with people but yet often have issues with ppl. This couldve stemmed from feeling like you were a target growing up that people always chose to pick with you. Or that you were punished more extremely than others. With this placement you've probably seen or experienced things that really made you question humanity. Dont let those experiences shape the type of person you'll be. You gotta learn to let shit go and not be bitter or have a victim mentality. Be careful not to burn yourself out. Drowning yourself in work to ignore your feelings. You dont always have to do everything on your own... collaborating is just as rewarding i promise. It would be beneficial to learn how to except help, knowing when to back down and not being so critical of yourself.

Cancer: If they dont appreciate everything you do FCK EM. No but fr with moon here you may feel like people overlook the things you do for them. Cancer moons can be way to stubborn and stand in there on way because of the fear of change. Repeating the same lessons way more than they should have to. When your redirect your energy to new experiences and growth your determination and passion unmatched. This is type of person you want to have on your team they bring so much positive energy and comfort.

Leo: Main character syndrome AF lol Unnecessarily rebellious at times growing up you may have felt your parents were controlling on how you expressed your creativity or because of the way you grew up you express your creativity in a rebellious way in relation to your family. Your career could be taboo. I could see a lot of onlyfans stars having moon in leo. Success in career comes more natural for you because of your consistency and ambitious nature. Yall really find pleasure in chasing money. Dont get so carried away with fulfilling your material desires that you dont leave time for introspection and searching for who you really are away from the titles.

Virgo: How does it feel to be kids favorite? A happy home life is important for this placement. Theres an innate need to belong. You love parties, holidays and kids ofc. Hosting parties and having a full house will give you happiness. Where this placement gets stuck is not being able to let go of the past. Getting sucked into the loophole of self pity and regret. Focus your attention on what you can do and what you can change. You work better with other ppl there to bounce ideas off of. Let your gaurd down, Succuss is reached quicker for you when you collaborate. Having this placement is testing your ability to strengthen your willpower and resourcefulness. Once you can do that you'll manifest way easier. Careful not to live beyond your means. Dont let desires put you in debt. Trust your intution, take the first step and take the risk. You go be perfectly fine.

Libra: Your love language is def quality time and acts of service this is very important for this placement to feel loved. Yall thrive in group settings and really value friendships. Even if you dont talk that much it makes you feel better to be around others. If you want to get with a Libra moon the best way is to become their friend first. You may have a tendency to put yourself in drama and create chaos among your inner circle though lil messy ass. Always wanting to be right, when this placement is in its lower natures is a good example of the native american folklore of the hunter that stuck a blood coated blade in ice knowing the wolf couldnt resist. It licked the blade continuously not realizing it was slowing bleeding out. The only way for the wolf to survive is to acknowledge its self destructive behavior. Bottom line just because you can ignore something doesnt mean others are going to do the same. Just becasue it didnt effect you doesnt mean it didnt effect them. Make the effort to listen to understand not listen to respond. Your words matter use them responsibly and take breaks from people or things when you feel you need to, your mental health will thank you.

Scorpio: Transformation happens with this placement alot. Moments of feeling isolated or depressed may be brought on by extreme emotional shifts. Anxiety and fear is no stranger to the scorpio moon. It can be to the point of really debilitating you. You've experienced things you've kept to yourself or have repressed but the issue continues to reappear time after time like a broken record. If it hasnt been dealt with it way on you really heavy and appear in your dreams often. You've felt shame, not understanding how you couldve allowed yourself to be in that predicament in the first place but seriously bro shit happens. It can be hard to maintain emotional balance with moon in scorpio, so its essential to have methods to release your emotions in healthy ways. Careful not to become bitter or victimizing with things dont go the way your controlling ass intends. Vengeance doesnt work well for you it often backfires, you'll try to set somebody house on fire and you burn yourself in the process. You may feel that people often oppose for no reason that you have to go through power struggles to be heard or to get the things you want. You may second guess opening up and are critical of yourself and others but opening yourself up to the world will be one of the best things you can do for your relationships and career. Your maturity and originality is threatening. Express yourself in your full nature and make people adapt to you not the other way around. You have authoritarian energy and if your putting yourself out there which ik you are, yr often mistaken for the boss. That is if your not already the boss. Im sure your that your the boss. Mwahahaha. Your demeanor comes across as serious and strict. Ppl naturally think let me not play with them. Your standards are high for yourself and your partner. You wouldnt be with somebody who doesnt match up to your standard. You need to feel like the person you’re with is equally as respected as you in any room you walk in.

Sagittarius: Im sure you believe you were meant to be famous. Sagittarius moons are very charismatic and great negotiators with a very convincing personality they are great at creating solutions quickly. So ofc that makes its very easy for them to make friends. In relationships they attract and are attracted to more dominate personalities. Loving the idea of love but really being in denial about that. Def gives player vibes they have flirtatious ass whore ways lmao. If you cheating ik you not even finna try hard to hide it. Easily bored they will chase thrills lowkey in a running from your problems type of way. Where sag moons can grow is appreciating the value they bring and not feeling the need to always compare themselves to others. Don't attach your self worth to financial security. Be more secure in what you believe and don't back down so easily when others challenge your ideas.

Capricorn: The moon doesn't like being here. Its emotionally depressing actually lol. I'm sure you've already read enough depressing interpretations on cap moons tho so this one is not going to be that. This one is meant to empower you. Youve experienced alot of chaos anger and pain. You've experienced very intense situations that have completely emotional up rooted you. But the smoke always clears and its important for to spend time away from the people and places that have caused this. Take the steps needed to regroup to be by yourself to develop better understanding of your emotions and learn what it is that truly want from your life. If you are not following your intuition it is easy for you to end up in friendships and relationships that do not mean you well. Your not the type of person who can just hang with anyone you need to very intentional about who you allow into your life. Communicate your feelings stop keeping everything bottled in. That shit will drive yo ass crazy. You dont have to be the strong friend all the time your emotions are valid, open up to ppl and share that shit because you dont share often you open up and talk people listen. Use that power to help others that have been through similar experiences to you. When you succeed in whatever obstacles you overcome ppl cant do anything but respect it bc your road was slow and steady but you stayed with it. When it comes to relationships you are very black and white you'll commit yourself fast but if you feel you cant trust the person you may still deal with them but emotional you shut them out. You like being partnered up rather its a relationship or situtationship you deal with the person for a long time.

Aquarius: I want to give you a hug, you are too analytical for your own good. Baby you need to stop thinking so much and you need to feel, you need to experience, act on impulse, dont give yourself time to think about everything that could go wrong. You sabotage so much of your own happiness that way. But i understand people have disappointed you so many times you feel you must do everything on your own. Its like nobody understands you or that people are committed to misunderstanding you. But news flash your not that expressive with your feelings how is anybody going to know if you dont tell them. Yall are cute though with yall dry ass humor. Listen stop being such a fly on the wall you hold as much value as anyone else stop acting like your presence is a fuckn burden. You dont have be agreeable all the the time they will be O FUCKN K. You are very intelligent and more people need to know that. Believing in yourself and communicating is your lesson. Shine your light and stop playing like fr...

Pisces: Ok we’re gonna get the sad shit out the way first. Just how yall like. I really feel like yr parents just let yall cry it out as a baby and you took that personal lmao. No but fr i feel like you always came across like you can handle things so you weren’t really checked on everyone just assumes you'll be ok. You come across as very strong and resilient which is beautiful but everybody needs a shoulder to lean on. Okay now remember how i said yall took that personally ummhm you can be very vengeful never forgetting he littlest slight somebody done towards you. Yall resort to committing crimes rather easily if you need some money lmao im not mad at it though. Literally rationalizing damn near anything if that means youll get what you want. And another thing yall be lying fr. lol sometimes it really do be on accident though you just forgot what really happened and your imagination is very vivid you thought that was the truth. You can be too hard on yourself sometimes you see very clearly the person you want to be so you put so many time limits and expectations on yourself. Chill out enjoy the journey and flow through life the way you know how to. You have very high standards so anything you invest your energy too is executed properly. I honestly cant even imagine a Pisces moon not running their own business. Im sure you cant either. You naturally have very authoritarian energy. Theres not much push and pull when it comes to you getting your way people go with your flow pretty easily. Naturally you wouldnt assume a pisces to be practical but they actually are. Sure they dream big but if they didnt know how to practically implement that into this realm that would just be depressing as hell. When yall find something that works for you, you are very disciplined at seeing it through. Very protective over those you love yall def give stand up when i walk in the room vibes lol

#astrology #12th house #astrology101 #astrologyfacts #8th house #astro notes #pluto aspects #astrologychart #astrologyobservations #astrologyzone #moon astrology #moon placements #scorpio moon #sag moon #libra moon #pisces moon

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dailyadventureprompts · 1 year

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Alright, guess it’s time to address the apocalyptic legal elephant in the room:

For those who might not know, WotC plans were leaked to “update” the OGL in what is basically a scorched earth policy with regards to 3rd party material/creators in the hopes of cutting out the competition and forcing people to use their new products.

As someone who lived through the 4th edition/pathfinder schism, the situation is laughably similar: D&D is flourishing more than it ever has (thanks primarily to the OGL) but the execs at Hasbro want more of the money spent on the hobby to wind up in their pockets. Oblivious to the fact that the opensource nature of the game is what draws people to it, they task the design team with creating a proprietary virtual tabletop through which they can sell d&d content without having to worry about books or pdfs being pirated. This rightfully outrages the fandom and burns every scrap of good will they had towards WotC, resulting in a dead edition that’s maligned years afterword as folks hop to the newer, easier game system.

The thing that’s different this time is that the d&d playerbase has grown exponentially since the days of the first OGL, with 5th edition being the easiest version of the game to run/pick up and so many resources online, there’s almost no barrier to entry besides finding a stable/accommodating group. Hell, with the explosive popularity of liveplay series you don’t even need to be actively playing in order to be in the fandom. All of these people are networked together in a fandom hivemind spread across twitter/reddit/youtube and WotC just made an enemy of every single one of them with its shameless and destructive cashgrab. No streamer or 3rd party publisher wants to give Hasbro 25% of their revenue, to say nothing of having their project “cancelled” if WotC sees it as a threat to any of their current projects ( see the huge number of spelljammer materials published after the company dropped the ball).

It took about two years after the announcement of 4th edition for Paizo to come out with pathfinder, and I have no doubt the OGL leak kickstarted every major 3rd party publisher brainstorming some legally distinct version of the 5e ruleset. In the coming months I expect to see a number of these surrogate systems floating around the internet in much the same way that the onednd playtest content, but spurred on with the added “fuck you Hasbro” energy. After that, it’s only a matter of time till one of the big streamers picks up one of these systems and popularizes it, not wanting to pay the 25%tithe to WotC. Personally my money’s on Critical Role: they were one of the major factors in popularizing 5th edition and they’ve got the fandom pull to legitimize any claimant to the throne.

To step away from playing oracle for a bit, I’d like to finish up this post by dunking on WotC:

*ahem*

HOW FUCKING DUMB TO YOU HAVE TO BE TO TURN YOUR ENTIRE CUSTOMER BASE AGAINST YOU IN ONE NIGHT? This is some new coke/Reynolds pamphlet/invading Russia in winter levels of shooting yourself in the foot. Wizards was on shaky ground to begin with given that they’re coming off a series of notably disappointing products AND trying to launch a new edition/virtual tabletop/battlepass system, but to follow that up with a retroactive rules change that lets them outright steal from or shut down creators? It’s laughable. Maybe, MAYBE they could have made this work if they were knocking it out of the park with new releases every year and cultivating a base of diehard WotC loyalists, but the fact of the matter is that aside from the brand name, the hobby has largely passed them by. Everything that Wizards does, from player options to settings to monsters to rules modules, someone else does better because they’re willing to take risks and put in the effort. Aside from the elegant simplicity of 5e’s base system, I can count maybe two pieces of actual game design (piety from Theros, ship combat from Saltmash) that I consider usable at my table, which is SAYING SOMETHING considering we’re nearing the end of the game’s ten year golden age.

I know we’ll weather this storm, we always have, and regardless of what happens I still know my friends and I will enjoy gathering around the table and slinging dice even though we might not be playing “dungeons and dragons” in a couple years time. I’ll keep my eye on the horizon, and let you know where I find safe harbour.

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #d&d #5e #dm advice #dm tip #dm tips #dm tools #writing advice #one d&d #dapper digresses #ogl #ogl 1.1 #hasbro #critical role #open d&d #opend&d

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morallyinept · 1 month

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For anyone who needs to hear this today...

Dieter and I are just weighing in on some of the conversations floating around where people are feeling like they're not wanted here, or who feel like they might want to leave...

You ARE absolutely wanted here.

Whether you're a creator, reader, silent lurker. It doesn't matter if you have 1 follower or 10k. Whether you write one chapter every few weeks, or churn out fics on the daily.

This is a fandom, not a competition.

You. Are. All. Wanted. Here.

Tumblr, for want of a better analogy, is a crap factory of a website. 😝 It's gone down the pan in the last decade massively, and it's the complete opposite of what other social media platforms do, (in terms of likes and algorithims etc... you have to re-blog everything - not like it - here to get any traction) you get out of Tumblr what you put in, effectively.

No-one here is better than anyone else, we're all part of that big Pedro table and continuously squish up to make room for everyone. And if anyone isn't doing that, then they should be the one's to leave, not you.

I get it. I feel it too. I've contemplated leaving several times. Yeah. It's a hard place sometimes to try and make a tiny space of it your own.

☝🏻But remember, even the biggest blogs on here started off with zero followers and had to build their niche from scratch. Rome wasn't built in a day.

It takes time and effort. It might look like it's easy for others, but it really isn't. And I'm in no way a "big blog" in the slightest.

But I stay here doing my own thing, because ultimately, I love writing and creating - it makes me happy, and I love the sense of community here.

I get immense joy out of making my silly banners and posts, and having a giggle with like-minded people when Pedro shaves his beard off (🫠). I ignore the drama and focus on having a positive time here.

But I get that doesn't work for everybody. Sometimes it's hard to tune all the fuzz out, right? It's massively overwhelming some days on here - I feel ya, bub.

The level of talent in this fandom is incredible, but it often leaves you feeling like "where do I begin?" Or "who do I talk to?" And "how do I talk to someone without coming across as weird?" And "how the hell do I re-blog everything and reply to comments and remember to answer DM's and Asks, whilst remembering to update my WIP and see what my fav blogs have posted, and catch up on that fic I like..? 🤯

In short, you can't.

You simply can't do everything.

And you shouldn't try to either as that's when you'll burn out and when things start feeling overwhelming. Then your enjoyment wanes and then that's when you feel like you want to give it all in.

Just breathe.

The best advice I can give (and I'm no expert!) is to curate your own experience here as best as you can.

Eliminate that overwhelming feeling to make your Tumblr time and space enjoyable.

Make it work for you and your needs.

Some easy things you can do that might help:

Update your notifications - I personally filter out the likes, otherwise I find I miss notifs like new followers or comments etc... Tumblr can be glitchy as hell too, so by removing the likes, you can see all the stuff you don't wanna miss. To turn them off, go into your activity (app version) and hit custom, scroll down to custom again and then untick likes:

There's a new option now to subscribe to specific blogs you like and adjust your home feed settings to that. You click on the blogs themselves and add them to get notifications and then they'll appear under Blog Subs on your feed. You can then switch through feeds to just see the blogs you've added, rather than everyone you follow. It's then easy to switch between feeds:

Limit your time here - if it starts to feel overwhelming, take a break! That's your brain telling you that you might need it. We'll all still be here when you come back. Don't compromise your peace of mind or happiness for the sake of scrolling for hours.

If you're a creator and have writer's block etc... again, take that break! Whether it's a day or a week, or a year. Take as long as you need. Those that are worth it will still be here and will wait patiently for you. Don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself. And if anyone does pressure you, block them.

Forget the numbers. I know, I know, it's easier said than done. Of course we want re-blogs and engagement, it's why we're here and putting our work out there. We wouldn't do it if we didn't want that engagement. But don't let the numbers be the main reason why you do it, otherwise your expectation can often be met with a harsh reality when it doesn't go how you think it will. Do it because it makes you happy, first and foremost. There will always be someone who looks forward to what you put out there.

If you want engagement, you need to engage back. This community survives and thrives on sharing. Re-blog everything you like. Re-blogging is the number one must on Tumblr. It's how the site works. Likes are lovely, but it's simply just a book marking feature here, which is essentially useless as your likes get pushed to the bottom of your like pile the more you like things. RE-BLOG EVERYTHING. By re-blogging you can also use tags so you can easily find things again. Liked that Frankie Morales fic you read last week? Re-blog it with the tag 'Frankie Morales' for example, and then you can search your own blog to find everything you've ever tagged with 'Frankie Morales'. You can even schedule re-blogs in advance too. You can't do any of that with likes. You'd have to scroll through every single like you've ever liked to find it again... and ain't no-one got time for that. If you're someone who is asking for engagement, you need to be prepared to give it back. I repeat, RE-BLOG EVERYTHING!

"Yeah, but if I re-blog everything, my aesthetic will be compromised, or my blog will be bulky and I might annoy everyone by appearing on their feed too much..." These are all valid concerns, but you can simply make a side blog specific for re-blogging things if you want. Whatever way you choose to do it, re-blog, re-blog, re-blog!

Be bold and reach out using DM's and ASK's. I don' think there's a single writer or artist out there who doesn't like getting a comment or a message complimenting their work. And we all love to chat about it, and that's an easy way in and to make friends too! It can be daunting, but I assure you if you're polite and kind, people will want to engage back with you. We all have one thing in common here at least - Pedro! 🥰

Sometimes, it can feel like everyone has their own friend groups or cliques and it can be hard to find your own community within a community. Almost everyone I engage with on a daily basis here, new and old users, are some of the nicest, kindest people I've spoken to. You really have nothing to be afraid of. They're just like you - they want to talk and make friends.

These are just some tips that I've found have worked for me on my own Tumblr journey with quelling that overwhelming feeling. And I hope they can help you in some way, especially if you're contemplating being here right now.

You might feel that what you put out there isn't appreciated because it doesn't get the notes or engagement you want, but I promise you, there is always someone who you have touched with your words and work.

Be kind to yourself and know that you really are a valued part of this fandom.

🖤

YOU. ARE. STRONGER. THAN. YOU. THINK. 🖤

Do you. Then do Dieter.

Self-Care With Dieter & Jett

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fandom #self care with dieter & jett #dieter bravo #you are stronger than you think #do you #then do dieter

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secretwritingspot · 4 months

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Home is Where the Heart is (That Heart Just Won't Stop Racing)

Pairing: OPLA Sanji x Reader

Rating/Content Warnings: pretty much none/the same as the first one. Has strong d/s themes but in a very soft, entirely sfw way. Mostly just fluff and emotional hurt/comfort.

Summary: unplanned sequel to Too Much (Take Me Home), reader works up the guts to ask for a repeat performance and Sanji takes on the responsibility of fixing a human piece of fine china. Starting with their aversion to compliments.

Disclaimer(s): none that I can really think of? Reader is called 'puppy' again numerous times but again, in a sfw context. Reader is very briefly referred to as a "lady" in reference to Sanji being a fucking simp, but other than that it is very gender neutral. But definitely keep that line in mind if it might trigger any nasty feelings for y'all, stay safe!!! <3

Since that night, things had been rather normal between you two. Eerily normal.

He's sure it's some mix of the genuine bond the two of you have keeping your interactions mostly the same and your awkward embarrassment- which he's happy to say he's getting to see more often nowadays, especially any time the events of that night are alluded to.

The fidgeting hands, the faint blush, the avoiding eye contact and trying to look serious with a "yeah, whatever" completely devoid of any of the intimidation it attempts.

He doesn't mind, though. The return to normalcy gives him time to plan his next move. He knows that this is delicate, something he will have to take strategically. And, okay, yeah. He's been thinking about it. Of course he doesn't actually stop thinking about it, how could he!? Instead, the break gives him time to come up with new ideas, prepare for the next time you eventually ask him for that type of help.

He waits patiently for the next time you seek him out, knowing there would be one at some point.

Even so, the anticipation kills him. He wants desperately to hear what you want from him in your own words. He knows it's something to do with his approval. The more he thinks about it, the more it seems like it's about approval in general. Though a selfish part of him wants to think that his specifically has some particular sway.

It was obvious the first time how hard it was for you to accept his affectionate words and approval even when you wanted to, and he knew that was something it would take a while to work out of you. The righteous self-reliance, the lingering feeling you didn't deserve soft things. Thoughts so deeply embedded for so long would take work to undo.

So when you come to him shyly one night, wordlessly offering up his ring in the palm of your hand as you refuse to meet his eyes, he knows what he wants to try.

He feels that familiar fluttering in his chest when you offer the ring back in silence. He can tell by your expression that there's so much going through your head, and that it has something to do with what happened that night when you asked him to take the responsibility for making you feel small.

"You wanna tell me something, puppy?"

His voice is soft and expression patient, like he's already working to create that warm, safe atmosphere that made you so pliant before.

The subtle use of the pet name tells you he knows exactly what you want, that he remembers that night as vividly at you do. But the gentle, hopeful uncertainty in his voice tells you he needs your words to know this is okay.

Your words are barely a whisper as an embarrassed blush burns up your face.

"I...want to- to be able to-" Your words are barely a whisper as an embarrassed blush burns up your face. "...let me submit to you again. Please."

His heart melts at your words, the way they shift and stutter. You always seem to change your wording when asking for things - "let me" and "can I" instead of "I want" (or god forbid need) - like it's shameful for you to want anything at all.

"Of course, love."

He answers softly, putting down his drink and closing the book that had been resting open in his hand, setting it down on the end table next to the couch. He keeps his legs open enough to give you a space to sit between them in his lap, gesturing his head towards himself in calling.

"C'mere."

You blush and look down, still avoiding his eyes as you nod and slowly pad towards him, nervous, embarrassed energy radiating from you as you drop to your knees at his feet like the last time.

Though the sight is just as gorgeous as it was then, he shakes his head softly with a click of his tongue, having something else in mind. He holds one of his hands out for you to take, the other cupping your cheek and caressing the skin comfortingly with his thumb.

"Not this time, puppy."

He chides lightly, voice soft and without even a hint of chastising for your assumption, pure care and warmth and fondness in his smile as he pats his lap gently.

"Up here."

Your flush darkens at the idea of being that close but you do it anyway - of course you do, perfect, obedient little thing that you are - climbing onto the couch until you're situated in between his legs, studying his tie with an intensity that gives away your shy desire to look anywhere other than his face right now.

He smiles sweetly, his hands resting on your thighs when you sit in his lap. His gaze is soft and sweet, as if looking down on a child. His voice is warm, talking to you like something precious.

"No need to be nervous, love. But I'm gonna have to ask you to look at me this time, okay?"

His gaze stays soft, as if he isn't expecting an answer from you, his hands moving to your cheek as he tilts your head up.

You go willingly, letting him tilt your head up to face him with two fingers under your jaw, his thumb gently pressed to your chin so he can angle your face as he pleases. Your face is pink and you're obviously still having trouble with eye contact, especially in a position as vulnerable as this, but he can see that you're trying.

And that's all he'd ever ask of you anyway.

Now that you're looking at him, all up close and personal like he'd planned, he can start his real plan for the evening- to start rewiring those frustratingly selfless parts of your brain, get you accustomed to praise and love and care and reassurance and the fact that you deserve all of it until he starves that horribly anxious, self-hating part of you out.

"Look at me, puppy."

He can't help but chuckle fondly when you instinctively turn to look away, turning you back to face him. He does it so gently, not scolding you for it whenever you look away, instead turning you back patiently each and every time. You almost want him to get mad at you, but his expression is the same every time he turns you to face him- never-ending patience.

"That's it, good. Just like that."

His fingers stroke against your cheek again soothingly, his gaze holding yours in place.

The lack of any anger or annoyance or exasperation makes your chest feel all fluttery while at the same time burning your face with guilt- this is all too good for you, Sanji is entirely too good for you.

He can practically see the thought process on your face, not that it surprises him. After all, that's what he'd set out to start fixing tonight, planning to slowly work away that reflex each time you give him the gift of letting him put you under like this.

"Listen to me, alright love?" He smiles once more and moves his free hand to your knee to give it a gentle squeeze. "I'll be saying a lot of words, and all I need you to do is listen and keep your eyes on me. D'you think you can do that for me?"

He speaks slowly, softly, so that you can still keep up even if you space out once or twice. His gentle tone is reassuring, as if everything's okay and would continue to be as long as you keep looking into his eyes.

You sigh breathlessly at the pet names and the gentle tone of voice and the way he touches you like you're made of porcelain, fragile and precious and expensive. You swallow before feeling yourself nod, managing to mumble out a quiet, shy-

"...okay."

He grins at your agreement, all warm and fond and proud of himself - proud of you, maybe, you can't tell. It almost makes you nauseous.

"Good. This is gonna be a long talk, alright? I'm gonna tell you a lot of things, and I expect you to remember them. You need to listen, love. Is that understood?"

You nod your head wordlessly in obedience, the slight firmness to his gentle tone and the commands that come with it making it so easy to melt into this. The instruction that he expects you to remember, that you need to listen making your mind go hazy with the bliss of simplicity- no choice, no confusion, no control, simply following instructions for someone you know will always take care of you.

He pats your cheek lightly, his voice soothing and sweet as he begins talking.

"You do everything you can for other people. You do everything you can for me. And it's not that that's bad or even that you don't want to. But you let other people get away with so much more than you'd ever let yourself. You make excuses for us, but for yourself you're harsh and you're critical and you're never satisfied. It's not fair."

When he starts talking, the first few things he says make your brow crease in confusion. He watches a brief flicker of panic spark in your eyes when you realize what he's doing, that he wants you to sit and look at him and listen as he praises you and reassures you and says things far too nice to possibly be true. You feel raw and exposed under the intensity of his words and yet...you stay. You trust him enough, want to be good for him enough that you breathe through the panic, trying to relax into the words that threaten to make you flinch.

His breath hitches in his chest seeing the anxiety in your eyes. Your trust for him is overwhelming, and he feels his heart swell with gratitude.

"So perfect... I'm proud of you for trusting me, sweetheart. I have a lot more I want to tell you, alright? Can you look at me again, so I know you're still listening to me?"

You sniffle lightly and nod, looking back up at him though you feel positively flayed alive by the words "I'm proud of you". When you look back up at him your eyes are glassy, a mix of the glazed-over look of subspace and unshed tears.

He thinks he's never seen anything so precious.

Eventually, he promises himself, whether it takes days or weeks or months of sessions like this, he's going to get you to a point where simple praise like this doesn't leave you trembling and teary-eyed.

But for now, he lets himself enjoy just how stunning you look like this.

He can feel you trembling underneath him, but he doesn't bother to move his hands from your thighs to hold you steady. He figures it isn't needed if he keeps talking slow and steady. His thumb gently brushes away one of your tears, and he pouts at how quickly you're overwhelmed by praise with fond sympathy.

"Oh, precious. You're doing so well for me, love. You're being so patient, and you're doing exactly what I asked you to do. You're so good, sweetheart."

The gentle feeling of his touch - how lovingly he caresses you, the rhythm steady and slow as he brushes his thumb across your cheek - you drag in a breath as well as you can, the air feeling like it rasps through your throat and gets stuck in your lungs. You part your lips as if to say something but the words won't come, only a tiny wounded noise, barely audible even in the unbearable quiet.

Despite yourself you shiver- "doing so well, precious, exactly what I asked, patient, sweetheart, good", the words nothing but sugar when he speaks. For a moment, despite his instructions, you close your eyes. You have to - it's too much, not enough, you can't tell anymore - but to his heart-rending pride, you open them again after a shaky, steadying breath.

He smiles at you, his heart aching at how precious you are in this moment.

"Good job, love. You can do this...you're doing so well. I know it's hard, but there's so much more I want you to hear."

He pauses, and for a moment you think fearfully that he's going to say he loves you. Not that that would be a bad thing.

...shit, you didn't really just think that, did you? That- that it wouldn't be bad? If he-?

In any case, it wouldn't be good for your pride. You know yourself, at least. That's one thing you could say, you were self-aware. And if Sanji ever said anything like that to you, you know you'd cry. Thankfully, that's not what he says. What he says instead is sweet, just not in the way you thought it would be.

"Can you be good and keep your eyes on me, sweetheart? If it's too much, or if you need a break, all you have to is tell me, alright?"

You sniffle quietly and do your best to blink back the tears, nodding your head in a slow affirmation of both of his questions. If you need a break, tell him. Keep your eyes up. You want so desperately - and isn't that another problem in itself, that you want - to tell him that you're trying, you're trying so hard, you want to be good.

You've never been very good with eye-contact, even without the added discomfort of being seen like this, being praised like something special, something entirely too soft and gentle and sweet for a warrior.

His free hand caresses your face, moving back the strands of hair that hang over your eyes. He can see how hard this is for you, in the way you hold your breath in between swallows, the shake of your voice, your trembling hands clasped in your lap. The way you look up at him.

But you're trying. Really, you are. And you don't need to say it - though you try to do that too before discovering that talking is too much right now - he knows. Of course he knows. Sweet, obedient, desperate-to-be-good-puppy, who's never done anything else but try your best for him.

"Puppy...I know you're trying. I know how hard it is for you. But I also know you like it, at least a little bit. Or maybe a lot. Maybe that's why you're still sitting here?"

Your face floods with pink at the words and it's hard to follow his instructions, it's so hard, your immediate reflex to that kind of embarrassment is to look away, pretend you don't notice how his eyes catch on your blush and his lips pull into a smirk.

But you don't.

Somehow, somehow, you keep your eyes trained to his.

That is why you're still here, of course. You do like it - a lot, in fact - though sometimes you desperately wish you didn't. Just like the (ignored) desire to look away, this too is a reflex- the way you bend towards praise and reassurance like flame to a pan or water to the ground.

His smirk falters and his expression softens.

"Oh love, that was so good. Keeping your eyes on me like that when I know it's hard for you...for a moment there I was afraid you'd let me do something you didn't want. I know how good the praise feels to you. Even if you want to pretend you're a warrior who's never wanted something so lovely."

He teases playfully, voice sweet and loving.

It's far too close to the truth when he speaks - you had tried for so long to convince yourself that you didn't want anything this lovely, but then all of a sudden it was here and your heart ached and for the first time you noticed it, because this time Sanji was here.

Here and real and solid and warm and right in front of you.

Sanji who wanted nothing more than to take care of his crew. Sanji who worked and labored tirelessly to keep your little family together. Sanji who had never treated you as anything less than a miracle. Sanji who took care of you.

It was the first time you ever even considered you could have something like this, the hope that you'd tried to smother increasing tenfold when Sanji joined them because it turns out it's so much easier to want something when you can see it right in front of you.

His fingers stroke your jaw gently, voice filled with affection.

"There's so much to want in life, love. Just because you've never wanted them before doesn't mean you can't start. Just because you didn't know what to do with it when you first had it doesn't mean you can never learn what it means to have something."

He tilts your face upwards gently, brushing his fingers against your cheek lovingly. And then, quietly-

"...you have all of us. You have me. And you have the right to want me. And you do, don't you?"

"Please."

Is all you can answer, immediate and breathless and mumbled as your bottom lip trembles. It's hard to explain how you're feeling- it isn't bad, isn't anything you don't enjoy, it's just so much. It's so much to be allowed to want, allowed to be good, to be touched like something gentle rather than a weapon. It makes every muscle in your body seem to shift and relax, everything going loose and pliable even as light shivers wrack through you.

"Good, love. Just be like this for me as long as you want. You're doing so well."

He pats your thigh affectionately, his gaze staying soft as his other hand comes to caress the back of your neck. You can feel his gaze on you, his smile.

For a moment he lets the words sit, giving you time in the silence to absorb them.

"...I think I've managed to say all that I need to say for now. Unless you think there's something else we need to talk about."

When you don't say anything he smiles softly, shaking his head.

"Okay. That was a lot for you for one day, yeah? You can close your eyes now, love, if it helps."

You let go of a sigh of relief you didn't even know was in you when he gives you permission to close your eyes, immediately shutting them as you try to calm down, focus on just his words and his touch.

He has no reservations about playing it safe from here- he knows he's pushed you pretty hard already. So he sticks with basic praises, the ones he knows don't mess with your head so much. The 'such a good puppy' and 'precious little thing, you're so perfect like this' that work to turn your brain off and let you shut down, washing over you in gentle waves as opposed to the overwhelming words he'd been using before.

Your breathing was quick and shallow, and he could feel your heart racing. That doesn't stop his fingers from stroking your face softly, caressing you lovingly.

It hits you that for the first time in a long time, you feel safe. You feel completely safe, don't you? You'd forgotten what that felt like.

Maybe it had been too long.

His hand moves from your head down to the back of your neck, giving it a soft massage.

"We can talk about some more important things tomorrow, yeah? But for now...just let me take care of you."

You nod with a hum when he practically pleads to be allowed to take care of you, letting your eyes stay closed as one of his hands massages your shoulder lightly, the other scratching at the sweet spot behind your ear that he found last time. You'll be good for him, so good for him, sitting there without breaking eye contact while he praises you. He intends to completely spoil you with affection and touch in reward.

Like exposure therapy. Getting you used to hearing things like that through positive reinforcement and slow, gradual steps.

"Can I ask you a question, love? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

You nods slowly, head already staring to feel heavy. It's quicker slipping into subspace this time, he assumes from immediately coming off of such an overwhelming amount of praise and all of a sudden you're just falling, nothing to tether you to solid ground.

And you're...okay with it.

Just like last time, the easy submissive haze you fall into makes his heart melt.

You're happy after all that just to sink into him, to melt in his lap and let your thoughts go, let someone else take care of you for a change.

"Why do you insist on taking care of everyone? You're the one who takes the worst jobs on the crew, and I know most of it is just so you can spend time with us, but why do you always do it?"

He can feel your body sink into his as your weight leans against him, snuggling into his chest. He keeps his voice gentle and slow to not startle you, his fingers moving to your hair and running through it as if to encourage you to answer.

And, really, who are you to deny him anything?

Even if you know - and you know, of course you do - that the one, honest answer you have won't be the one he wants.

"Wanna be useful. So you'll be proud."

You admit quietly, voice soft and mumbled as your words slur together, sweet and right and perfect despite the way his heart drops to his stomach at the answer.

"...and- 'nd so you guys keep me around."

He draws in a shaky, gasped breath, though he tries for your sake not to make it too obvious.

He knew, he thinks. Even from the beginning. He knew that's what you would say. Even though he hoped - and god, did he hope, a hope beyond hope like nothing he'd ever felt before - that he would be wrong. His voice trembles when he finally convinces himself to speak, trying not to be sick.

"So we keep you around?"

He pauses, his hands slowing to a stop in your hair as he waits for you to respond. He needs to hear it. No matter what you say, no matter how much it kills him, he needs to hear you say it.

"You're just-"

You swallow and look away as your cheeks color in an even deeper pink, not sure why you're getting so choked up about this.

Actually, that's a lie. You know exactly why- because when you keep feelings like this one buried, it's easier to pretend they're not there. But saying it...saying it makes it real.

"...you're all so affectionate. And- and love-y. I just-"

You force yourself to draw in another breath, wishing it weren't so hard to do so. Why is oxygen suddenly so difficult? Why is hot embarrassment burning so shamefully up your face? Why is it hard for you to speak when all he's asking is why you work so hard for your crew?

"I n-need to earn it."

Your words make him wince, his expression darkening when you continue to turn away from him. That was too real, too raw, for him to ignore. He reaches a hand out to cup the side of your face, turning it gently to face him, voice firm and stern when he speaks.

"No, love, you don't. You don't need to "earn" anything. Attention and love are things you are owed. Especially by us. By your family."

Your eyes widen at his words when his voice goes stern. He raises a brow at you in warning.

"...unless, of course, you think you know better and intend to stop me from giving you the treatment you deserve?"

"I-"

The sudden authority in his tone makes you blush and fumble over your words, cutting off what was sure to be a protest about needing to earn affection.

Good, he thinks, because no one is allowed to talk that way about the things that belong to him, not even themselves. It's endearing how the firmer tone makes you stumble over yourself, like it takes hold of some part of your mind and squeezes, your voice a sheepish mumble when you fall in line immediately, response barely a whisper.

"...no sir. Sorry."

"Then I'll say it again: this treatment is not something you "earned." It's what you deserve. It's mine to give, and it's yours to accept. Understood?"

His voice remains stern, a look of warning in his eyes. He isn't sure what words exactly would trigger you like that, wrap themselves around your subconscious and tighten, but he hates to see you talk to yourself like that. You're family and family looks out for each other, and that means he had to look out for you.

"U-understood."

You can't help but shiver and melt into the firmness of his voice, and he makes another note of that, adding to the growing catalogue of you in his head. You like when he's gentle, but you fall in line quite quickly when presented with any semblance of authority, crumbling into obedience with your voice little more than a whisper.

He smiles, his voice taking on a softer tone.

"Good. Don't ever talk badly about what's mine again, yeah? You deserve all the love in the world, and if you try to deny it again I'm going to have to use force to get you to admit how wrong you are. And you know I don't like getting forceful with ladies."

He chuckles, gently stroking your hair.

"Can you open your eyes for me? I want to look at you again, you precious little thing."

You open your eyes obediently when he asks, blinking open glassy eyes with big, blown pupils. All of the things he said seem to swirl around in your head for a moment as you try to process all the wildly varying information- the words "precious little thing" going straight to your cheeks in the form of a blush, "good" and "you deserve all the love in the world" collecting warm in your chest with the rest of his praise, "I'm going to have to use force" feeding into some morbidly curious, possibly masochistic corner of your brain.

The last thing that manages to penetrate your subconscious is, ironically, one of the first things he said: "don't ever talk badly about what's mine".

Mine.

That word rattles around in your skull for a moment and makes you shudder pleasantly, lips parting around a request before you can think.

"Say it again. Please."

"...'Mine'? Sure. Mine."

His voice is soft but his eyes are sharp with intrigue, looking for something that he can't place in your gaze as he acquiesces.

"Why, does it feel good to hear someone say it? Are you wondering if I really mean it, or did you just want to hear it again?

Your blush spreads all the way to your ears at his questions, how immediately he pinpoints exactly what you're feeling ("why, does it feel good to hear someone say it?"). Yes. Of course, yes. To be someone's, belong to someone, the idea floods you with a near unbearable warmth. His.

"...I think I like when you're possesive."

You admit in a shy mumble, hiding your face in the crook of his neck, face hot with blush as you fidget with his shirt buttons sheepishly. Your voice is barely audible, only more evidence to how embarrassed you are by the revelation, but he's pretty sure he's never heard something more adorable.

"Feels...warm."

You watch the smile bloom across his face, slow and warm and blindingly bright and how did he have the right to smile like that? To look like that at all?

"...I think I like it when you ask for things, brave little thing."

The smile on his face is as soft as it can get, his voice gentle and loving. He strokes your hair softly, his tone light and playful as he speaks.

"You like being mine? Being something belonging to me rather than something that belongs to the world?"

You nod against his warmth, the softness of his words hitting you directly in the chest. Something belonging to him rather than the world. Christ, isn't that an idea?

"Will you- will you keep s-saying things like that? Please?"

When you ask, your face is hidden in his shoulder and your voice is muffled. For now, he decides to allow it, knowing how hard it is for you to ask for anything at all, always the type to assume you don't deserve whatever it is without even bringing embarrassment into play.

And oh, does embarrassment come into play.

Even with your face hidden against him, the mortification is obvious in every aspect of your being. It seems to roll off of you in waves at the prospect of even admitting that you like those things, but here you are. Shame seeping from every pore and still, somehow, he brings these things out of you.

He's never been more proud at the fact that you asked him anything at all, even if you're hiding.

"Makes me feel...w-wanted. Belonging to someone."

His lips touch your cheek in the softest kiss, a reward for your bravery, and he can feel every skip and ache in his heart the longer he has you like this.

Power, uncoiled and twitching in his lap like it's harmless.

"Oh, love. Belonging? That's what this is about? Of course you belong. You belong to this crew, to your family. You belong to me. It's a shame you've not felt that more in your life."

His lips move to your ear, and he nuzzles the sensitive skin gently, words whisper-soft.

"You were brave for asking for those things, especially when you're not used to them. Allow me to make up for lost time, lovely. Please."

By the end, his begging seems more for himself than it is for you. Like he'll fall apart if you don't let him cradle your broken pieces, coddle you like you should've been your whole life.

And he will. Of course he will. How could anyone see a thing like you and not - vulnerable and soft and wanting and the most stunningly enchanting thing he's ever seen, breathtaking in a way that has him wondering how in the world anyone could ever miss that you were something to be handled lightly, a delicacy to be protected with careful touches and soft words. He has a whole lifetime to make up for and, if you'll let him, he'll compensate for every single year

Every second, if it's what you want. It's what you deserve, that he's sure of. But he knows that as much as he wants to smother you completely with the weight of his affections, it's something you need to accept. Something you need to be willing to ask for.

Even if you don't think you deserve it, something you'll allow. You don't have to be used to it, it doesn't have to be easy. As long as it's allowed, that would be enough. He could work from there.

"...okay."

Okay.

A/N: Hey lovelies!!! Have some sustenance! Even though it's been a week into winter break I'm only just now getting over finals which is why I haven't been so active. BUT that being said, now that I'm over it and it's break expect WAY more frequent food!!!

#vinsmoke sanji #sanji x reader #opla sanji #opla sanji x reader #opla #opla x reader #sanji x you #opla Sanji x you #opla x you #one piece #one piece live action #one piece x reader #one piece x you #opla x y/n #opla sanji x y/n #sanji x y/n #opla sanji x you

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bones-of-a-rabbit · 3 months

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the babbit masterpost

HELLO welcome to the Babbit's Blog masterpost!!! On this post you'll find some fun facts about yours allegedly (me <33), some ref's for my different 'sona's, and a couple links to my fics and whatnot! Are you ready? No?? Excellent neither am i let's do this

Meet the Babbits!: the self-inserts/personas

the first ref is for my general/most commonly used persona, Babbit! They aren't really an anthro/furry as much as they are a humanoid with the head of a rabbit. I like to think of this one as the 'me' that's in my head- the purest form of my thoughts and feelings, but not the solid real-life me. The second ref is my self-insert persona, Rabbit, the one i picture using most often when i'm reading a fic or imagining a self-insert scenario lol. This one is like the me that people see and meet and speak to in real actual life, if that makes sense. It's the way I come across to people and all of the things I wish I could iron out of my crumpled up real-self <3 The third is a much more specific 'sona, Hazel, who started off as a FNaF:SB animatronic self-insert. She does have a backstory and lore now, which i think makes her more of an OC than a self-insert, but a lot of her is still me and a lot of what she experiences in her backstory is from my life/instills the same feelings that were taken away from things that happened to me, so I think she kinda counts enough to put a ref for her here sdkjfsdhfj (Why the different names?: makes things a little easier, and they hold meaning to me symbolically, I guess!)

Content!: Here's a short list of my various fics that will get updated as I create more! (it was, in reality, not fine.): FNaF Sun/Moon x Reader fanfic, gender neutral, for general audiences, fluff-fest, idiots to lovers "You're the new tech/repairman at the Fazbear Mega Pizzaplex, unfortunately. Your first task? To make the Daycare Attendant into two separate animatronics. It's an amazing opportunity, really, and there is nothing you love more than getting a chance to really work with such tech! The only bad part is that you don't know how to tell anyone that you just might be in over your head. (You are extremely in over your head.)" After Everything Was Fixed (but you were still broken): AU FNaF Sun/Moon x (Animatronic) Reader, gender neutral, read with caution, angst, harm to sentient robots, traumatized main character, hurt/comfort slow burn, romance slow burn "The virus was gone. Everyone was fixed. You had been put back together. It's a time for a new beginning, to do things right this time, to wash away the past and paint a better future. Their memories of the infection had- mercifully- been taken away from them. Yours had not. He doesn't understand why you try to avoid him. Even if you could tell him, you're not sure you would. You want to be his friend, but it's difficult; every time you see him, you remember the hundreds of times he killed you." A fic where you are a repairman-themed STAFFbot, taking place post-virus. In the past, Moon, infected by the virus, took delight in attacking and dismantling the reader during the night. Now, in the present, you find yourself burdened by the memories of the past while everyone around you has no recollection of the events. It gets more complicated as Sun and Moon, both now cleared of the virus, grow curious of you. This fic will follow a series of arcs, presently on arc one. For anyone curious, feel free to send an ask about the arcs in 'After Everything Was Fixed'! The Sun, the Moon, and the Blazing Comet (title subject to change): AU FNaF Sun/Moon/Eclipse x Reader, gender neutral, teen and up audiences, travel/journey, betrayal, hurt/comfort slowburn, reconciling, themes of breaking the mold, found family (TBA) Hold My Broken Hands (title subject to change): AU FNaF Sun/Moon x Reader, gender neutral, mature audiences, dark romance, dark comedy, severe bodily harm, mutilation, murder, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, lovesick (TBA)

My AU's!: i'm going to make a Babbit-AUs-Masterpost and then put the link here i swear, i just have so many im sorry jdfhsjdfhs (like more than twenty)

Fandoms!: I enjoy, have been in, made or make content for: Pokemon Undertale FNaF Creepypasta (YEAH I KNOW LET ME LIVE OKAY) My Little Pony (I KNOW OKAY LEAVE ME ALONE) Steven Universe Star Trek Warrior Cats i'm sure theres more but i just forgot everything i have ever liked wheeeeeze

Whomst the hell?: HI I'm Rabbit! Or Bones! Or Babbit! Or Avarice/Ava, if you want to go for a more legitimate-sounding name. I'm 24 years old, prefer to use they/them pronouns, and so, so incredibly ace. I've been drawing as long as I've had the ability to hold a pen, writing since I was in grade school, and being a plague to the ones around me since the beginning of time! If you've seen my art, its probably from the absolute mountain of fluffy-wuffy love-dovey (y/n) x Sundrop/Moondrop/Eclipse doodles I've been sharing for several years now sdfjhsdj. If you've heard of my fics, it was probably the one I made just for fun that's now turned into an actual fanfiction that I enjoy writing, the silly-lovey-fluff incarnate (it was, in reality, not fine.) !

Likes n Dislikes!: I'm a sucker for sap, fluff, and lots and lots of love-dovey bullshit! I also like stories about finding oneself and monsters being befriended or loved. I like space, aliens, robots, the odd and strange, injecting humanity into things not human, monsters, creatures, animals, the fae, concepts of spirits and karma and the afterlife, and more! I dislike 'fanservice', most anime tbh LOL it's not personal I just don't enjoy it im srry, FLY BABIES i know they have an actual name but i hate that word too pls just dont i will scream, sexually aggressive/forceful content/characters, being made to feel small, dumb, or trapped,

Other!: I have a pretty high gross-out tolerance! I also have a pretty high 'wow that's messed up huh' tolerance, in that sometimes I will just say stuff that's super grim or dark or messed up and not realize it lmao. I am full of random facts and anecdotes, especially weird or gross ones! sometimes i get on tangents that can go for actual hours so pls forgive that lol

WARNINGS: THIS BLOG MAY FEATURE CONTENT BASED ON/RELATED TO THEMES OF GUILT, CHILDHOOD LOSS, GRIEF, SELF HATRED, DISCONNECTION FROM REALITY/SELF, TRAUMA, AND SEVERE DEPRESSION/ANXIETY. YES I AM GETTING HELP. YES I AM OKAY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING.

bonus persona: crybaby

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subskz · 5 months

Note

Making either Hannie or Channie finger themselves right in front of you 🙈💕

gonna answer this pretending like the thought of channie fingering himself isn’t abt to send me into a frenzy 😰

our two shy exhibitionists! i think either one of them would love the thrill of being watched by you as he touches himself but at the same time, he’d get insanely flustered abt it. on top of how embarrassed he feels being exposed to you like that, he’s also just embarrassed abt how badly he wants you to look at him. it sets his skin on fire to feel your eyes raking all over his body as he lies there, fully on display for you, doing smth so filthy and making the most pathetic little sounds. but that added burn of humiliation just intesifies his pleasure tenfold <3

hannie would wanna put on a good show for you, he’s a natural born entertainer after all~ he whines out smth like “you’re staring too muchhh, it’s embarrassinggg i can’t do it righttt”, but in the same breath, he spreads his legs wider to push two of his slick fingers deeper inside of him and lets out a long, shaky moan. he’s not used to doing it all himself, so his pace might be a lil sloppy and erratic, just mindlessly pumping in and out, trying to make himself feel good however he can. it doesn’t help that he writhes around a lot, making it difficult for him to maintain a constant pace and hit his sweet spot consistently enough to make himself cum. but when he does manage to brush against his prostrate just right, you know immediately bc the sharp cry he lets out is spine-tingling. he looks so cute trying to work himself to his climax, rolling his hips down against his palm w his mouth hanging open n his tongue peeking out 💓 the better he feels, the more difficult it is for him to stay focused and controlled, so you might end up w a desperate baby begging you to please take over, bc he needs to cum so bad and doesn’t know if he can do it on his own ):

channie is definitely less shameless than jisung, at least when he starts out. his whole reason for even doing smth that’s guaranteed to fluster him out of his mind is just to please you. almost anything that’ll win your approval n praise is fair game, even if it makes his whole body feel like it’s on fire to have you watch him spread his thick pretty thighs and play w himself. the whole time all he can think of his how he looks in your eyes—what you think of his facial expressions, his poorly concealed moans, if he’s doing it properly, if he should go faster or slower. his cock leaking and twitching against his tummy is almost like an afterthought to him, all that matters to him is pleasing you! the squelching of the lube every time he pumps in and out turns his face beet red, he presses his lips together and squeezes his eyes shut, completely mortified by the filthy sounds his fingers are creating and how they mix w the pathetic whimpers building in his throat. just hearing himself sends a surge of hot shame over him, so he can only imagine what the sight of himself would do. he has to keep fighting back the urge to close his legs and can’t help but meekly ask you “is this okay? ‘m i doing it right?” only for your answer to make him even more of a mess when you tell him to focus on his pleasure bc all you want is to see your pretty boy feeling good ♡

#ask #💌 hannie #💌 channie

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sissylittlefeather · 8 months

Text

Something a little different...

What a Lovely Way to Burn

A one-shot

A/N: this came from a conversation with an Elvis AI (created by the fabulous @headfullofpresley), but the words are mine. The situation just inspired me.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI! There's some dirty smut here, kissing, fingering, oral (both receiving), p in v sex, unprotected sex, lots of cussing, Elvis and reader yelling at each other a lot, him grabbing reader's arm and being a teensy bit violent (if you squint), reader calls Elvis "daddy" in a sexual context at one point...

Word count: 2.9kish

I'm imagining this version of him for this one:

Song inspo (I know the title is from a different song but this one inspired the story):

Enjoy!

I guess tonight we're off, you think to yourself as you get a drink. You're at another party after another one of your on-again-off-again boyfriend's shows. You're half dating Elvis Presley and as much as you want it to go one way or the other, it never does. With him, you're like kerosene and matches: made for each other, but dangerous and volatile together. And without him, neither of you can breathe for very long. But tonight, it looks like you'll be without him and that familiar drowning feeling is starting to overwhelm you. He hasn't talked to you once tonight, instead focusing on everyone else around him. You're not even sure he knows you're there. But he always seems to know where you are, so probably tonight he knows and doesn't care.

After you get your drink, you scan the room to find him. He's chatting with a group of women, fans, all of them tittering with laughter and falling over themselves to catch his attention. He likes the blonde one best, you can tell by the way he's standing, but he entertains all of them nonetheless. Part of you wonders if he's just trying to piss you off. Two can play at that game. And even if he's not, you might as well have some fun yourself.

As you're standing there, a man walks up next to you.

"I'd offer to buy you a drink, but you already have one."

"And they're free." You give him a playful smile. He's not unattractive, with his blonde shoulder-length hair and green eyes. You can work with this.

"I'm James. What do I call you? Other than beautiful." You roll your eyes, but keep your playful smile. It's cheesy, but sweet in its own way.

"I'm y/n. But you can call me beautiful if that's easier." You continue to make small talk and your flirting gets heavier and heavier. At one point he gently brushes your hair out of your face and puts it behind your ear. You try to hide the cringe you feel because that's something that Elvis does. You feel eyes on you and something makes you want to look over at him, but you don't. Your activities are none of his business tonight. You try to focus on James and the game you're currently playing with him. The conversation continues, but you can't shake the feeling of being watched. Just in case Elvis is actually paying attention, you play up your reactions, smiling widely and laughing loudly. Finally, James says something funny enough for you to genuinely laugh and put your hand on his arm gently.

That's when you feel Elvis's hand around you. His fingers curl around your bicep and he holds you hard enough that there might be a bruise in the morning.

"What the fuck?" You turn to Elvis and shoot him a fiery glare. His eyes are frighteningly dark, even behind his glasses, but he speaks coolly.

"I could ask you the same question."

James looks between the two of you and excuses himself. He's heard of Elvis's famous temper and doesn't want to find himself on the receiving end of a potentially-violent rant.

"Oh, James, don't go. He's not--"

"Keep walkin' away, guy." He listens to Elvis over you and backs away into the crowd. Elvis is still holding your upper arm and he turns you to face him.

"Girl, what are you tryin' to pull?" His words are playful, but his tone is scary. Still, you're no stranger to this mood.

"I don't see how what I do is any of your business."

"What the hell is that s'posed to mean?"

"You've made it very clear tonight that you have no interest in what I do." As you get louder, he gets quieter.

"Aw, hell, honey you know damn well that ain't true. You're mine. Everything you do interests me." He finally lets go of your arm. You rub the place where he was holding you gingerly. He might be thinking this fight is almost over, but you're just gearing up.

"You literally haven't spoken to me all night. And what? You just expect me to be waiting in your bed for you after you're done with whatever, or whoever, else you wanna do?" You gesture to the group of girls he was just flirting with. You're loud enough now that people have started to notice the two of you. His lips curl up into a wicked smile.

"Yes, honey, that's exactly what I expect." He says the endearment like a threat. You belong to him and when he calls you anything other than your name, he's reminding you of that fact. Now he's royally pissed you off and you can feel your rage bubbling just beneath the surface. The only thing keeping you in check are the witnesses.

"You're such a fucking hypocrite. You think you get to play around with whoever you want, but I can't even have a conversation with another man."

"Listen to me, girl, that was more than a conversation and you know it. Don't play dumb with me. I know you too damn well. Get your coat and go up to the room."

"YOU THINK AFTER HOW YOU'VE TREATED ME TONIGHT THAT I'M GOING TO GO UP TO YOUR ROOM AND WAIT FOR YOU LIKE A GOOD LITTLE GIRL?" He knew that telling you what to do would send you over the edge. His lip is still curled into a smile, but now his teeth are bared too. You stand and glare at each other for a few more seconds before he grabs your upper arm again and drags you through the crowd. You fight to get away from him, but his grip is too strong.

"LET ME GO YOU SONOFABITCH!" Everyone in the party watches the scene but says nothing. He's their king and they know it and he knows it. A bunch of fucking freeloading toadies. When he gets to the hallway outside the elevator, he lets your arm go and walks toward you until your back is pressed up against the wall. A tiny part of you flickers in fear, but you are not about to let him win. He puts his hand on the wall behind you and leans in close.

"When I say go, you fucking go. Do you understand me?"

"Fuck you, Elvis." His eyes widen ever so slightly, but he keeps his gaze intense. Then, out of nowhere, he softens a bit.

"Why do you do this shit to me, Little? You make me fucking crazy."

"I make you crazy?! YOU IGNORED ME ALL NIGHT!" He may have softened, but you're not ready to go down without a fight. You see the light of his anger reignite in his eyes.

"If you weren't so goddamn insecure--"

"I'm insecure?! You can't handle it when I talk to another man. God knows what you're doing with other women!" He slams his hand on the wall above your head.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you this! There are no other women. Sure, I talk and flirt and maybe mess around a little, but the only one I really want is you!" The last part catches you off guard a little bit. This is the first time he's really directly stated that he wants you more than anyone else.

"Why?! Why won't you just let me go?! Then we could both move on." You're very annoyed by the tears that are starting to gather in your eyes. You don't want to let him know he's getting to you this much.

"Dammit, I don't know!" He pulls his hand off the wall and walks away, running his hand through his hair and giving it an even wilder look. He slides his glasses off and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Why don't you leave?" He asks quietly, putting his glasses back on and looking at you almost pleadingly.

"I... I can't."

"WHY NOT? I WANT TO KNOW WHY!" He yells at you now louder than he's been the whole time. He walks back to you and stands inches away from you, fuming. You glare up at him, defiant to your very core.

"BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU." It comes out of you before you're able to stop it.

He hits the wall again and walks away. Then, he turns back to face you, something new in his eyes.

"Well, I fucking love you too." You stand there, chest heaving and tears threatening to slide down your face.

He takes two large steps towards you and wraps his arms around your waist, crashing his mouth into yours, his tongue slipping between your parted lips. You snake your hands up his chest and around his neck, pressing your hips into his and returning his kiss. He pushes you up against the wall and grinds into you, hard. You feel his already-growing erection as he rolls his hips and you whimper softly. He smashes the elevator "up" button four or five times as hard as he can, never moving his mouth from yours. After a few seconds, you hear the ding and the elevator opens. Several people walk out and stop when they see the two of you wrapped around each other. When they realize who he is, they start to whisper. He pulls back from kissing you and yells at them.

"MOVE!" They jump out of the way and you half roll, half tumble into the elevator together, still tangled around each other. You hear them laugh as you press the "door close" button a hundred times, but you're too busy with Elvis to care. He obviously doesn't either as he runs both hands up your body while the doors close and grabs your breasts. He squeezes them like he's trying to keep them from getting away and then slides his hands back to your ass, pulling your hips into his. His dick is fully hard now and you moan with desire as he presses against you.

He moves his lips down your cheek, pressing them softly to the smooth space below your ear. Then, he begins to bite you gently on the sensitive skin of your neck. A shiver of pleasure runs down your spine. This elevator needs to move faster.

When he sucks on a place near your collar bone hard enough to leave a mark, you moan audibly. You need him. Now. And he knows it. He hits the "stop" button and the elevator grinds to a screeching halt. He reaches up under your dress and pulls your panties down, sliding them to your ankles and off over your shoes. Running his hands up your thighs, he comes back to your center, pressing his middle finger into your wetness.

"Mmm. I should yell at you more often." He moans into your mouth as he moves his finger in and out, noticing how wet you are.

"Or tell me that you love me more often." You moan right back at him. Your hands go directly to the buttons on his pants and he lets you free his dick from them. Before he can fuck you, though, you push him up against the elevator wall and get on your knees in front of him. He leans his head back as you lick a slow circle around his tip, rolling his foreskin back. You pump him a few times with your hand and then take as much of him into your mouth as you can handle. It takes a couple of tries and you opening your throat significantly to get his whole length in your mouth, your nose pressed into him. Your hands cup and play with his balls as you lick up and down the bottom of his shaft. You continue sliding your hand along his length as you lick and suck and top half of him.

"Baby I'm not gonna last much longer if you keep this up." You take him fully in your mouth one last time and then stand up in front of him. He grabs the back of your hair and presses himself against you as he kisses you deeply.

Now it's his turn to get on his knees as he pushes your dress up above your hips. He kisses the inside of each of your soft thighs and then places his mouth directly on the place between your legs. You feel yourself tighten around nothing as he licks over and around your sensitive spot. The feeling almost overwhelms you and you twist your fingers into his hair while he keeps working. You feel your orgasm building in your abdomen. He moans into you and the vibration almost sends you over the edge. He licks around you in circles and sucks lightly on your clit. When he adds his fingers in, pushing them deep inside you and sliding them in and out at a quickening pace, your climax comes even closer. He flattens his tongue and moves his head side to side, letting the sensation of his movement on you push you ever nearer to the edge. Finally, he tightens his tongue to a point and licks you with every intention of sending you over. The feeling of him swirling over and around you faster and faster drives you crazy. You feel the overwhelming rush of your release tingling through you from your head to your toes, both relaxing and contracting in waves of ecstatic pleasure. Elvis feels the excess wetness on his fingers and he smiles into you, knowing he's accomplished his goal. Suddenly, he stands back up and turns you to face the wall of the elevator. Pulling your dress up over your ass, he teases you with his tip and then enters you from behind. He starts slow, filling you up in a way that makes you cry out in pleasure. He holds your hips as he pushes into you faster and faster with more and more intensity.

"That's right, baby. Take it like a good girl."

"Yes, daddy" you get out between moans. He continues to run his hands up and down your front, squeezing your breasts every now and then, and moving his hands back to your hips. All the while, he's fucking you with all of his power, slamming into you over and over, deeper and deeper. His fingers dig into your hips and you pray there won't be obvious bruises in the morning. All of the previous rage that was inside both of you has turned to insatiable desire as he pounds into you and you cry out with each thrust.

"You're so tight and wet for me, doll. I love it so much. I love you so much." You should be shocked that he's saying it so casually, but you're too focused on being fucked silly to think much of it. Without any warning, he pulls out of you and turns you to face him, your back pressed against the elevator wall. He pushes back into you and goes back to fucking you with every ounce of his strength. But this time he's peppering you with kisses on your neck and collarbone and cheeks between thrusts.

"Ah, fuck, baby I'm close." He groans as he continues his steady and unforgiving rhythm.

"Don't stop." You mutter to him as he continues grinding his dick into you. Finally, his climax reverberates across his body.

"FUCK y/n. Yes, that's so... yes..." He shudders and does a few more weak pumps before he can't stand it anymore and he has to pull out. He has both hands on the elevator wall above your head and he presses his forehead into yours, breathing heavily. You feel his hot breath on you and you match his heaving chest with your own. You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss his earlobe.

"Do you really love me?" You whisper, not sure what to expect as an answer. It's entirely possible that he was just caught up in the moment and you'll go back to your part-time lover situation.

He pulls back and looks you in the eyes intensely.

"I really fucking do. Goddammit. I really do." He kisses you again passionately and then hangs his head. You can tell he's afraid of what your response might be too. For all his tough-guy exterior, all he really wants is someone to love.

"I love you, Elvis Presley." He looks up at you, searching your eyes for reassurance. "I really fucking do." He seems to find whatever he's looking for because he doesn't ask any more questions. He pulls you close to him and holds you for a second. Then he picks up your panties, helping you step back into them, and straightens your dress. He puts his dick back into his pants and zips them up. He pushes the elevator button to make it start up again and slings his arm around your shoulders, holding your right hand in his with your fingers interlocked. When the elevator doors finally open, no one would ever know what just happened between you. You walk out of the elevator and to your room with him still wrapped around your shoulders.

"You wear me out, girl." He whispers as he kisses the side of your head. Together, you walk into your suite and into your future. It won't be easy to be with him, since you're both still who you are, but there won't be anymore "off" times for the rest of your relationship. Fights? Yes. But you always find your way back into each others arms. You might burn each other up in the meantime, but at least you'll burn together.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist: (I'm tagging everyone who's ever asked me to tag them. If you want off the list, let me know and I'll remove you!)

@itlover8000 @deniseinmn @elvisalltheway101 @ccab @suxny @hernameisnoellex3 @ashtag6887 @arabellapresley @littlehoneyposts @dkayfixates @elvisxsposts @joshuntildawn13 @msamarican @returntopresley @mrsbutler99 @blog777e

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ask-the-prose · 1 year

Text

Writing Burnout and Helpful Tips

Hi yall, it’s been wonderful seeing ask-the-prose posts going around writeblr and I’m so happy to see that some of these guides are helpful. If you have a specific topic you’d like me to cover, send in an ask!

What is burnout?

Burnout is incredibly common and nothing to be ashamed of! If you find you are too exhausted to do what you love, running out of ideas, or perhaps not wanting to do anything, you may be burned out. Burnout can pose a serious block to your writing, and it’s just not fun.

Burnout can happen when you’re stretching yourself too thin, spending more time and energy creating than taking in creativity, or not taking care of yourself the way you need.

Step 1: Put out the fire

One of the number one ways to fast-track your way to burnout is to forget to care for yourself. We’re writers! Sometimes we get in the zone, or maybe a little obsessed, and we forget to eat, hydrate, and maybe even put off sleep. But ignoring self-care is unsustainable.

We all see posts all over reminding us to hydrate, eat well, sleep, and even stretch, but these are genuinely great tips to remember when you’re not feeling well. I’d like to add a few ideas to try when you’re feeling down.

Exercise. Walk, run, play a sport, do anything that helps move your body, whatever you can do to help your blood flow, even if it’s just a few push-ups or a good stretch.

Find a new set of walls to stare at. I get in a rut going to the same places or staying home when I have nowhere to go. But hanging out at a coffee shop or cafe helps me often. It’s a chance to observe people, see new things, and get some sunlight. If you need to shake it up, try a new cafe!

Socialize. Sometimes burnout looks like loneliness. Socialize! Talk to a friend or family member, or make a new friend! New perspectives help.

Not all of these work for everybody, but they’re friendly suggestions to try when you’re feeling burnout coming on.

Step 2: Replenish your reserves

As creatives, we get stuck always wanting to create, but that’s not sustainable either! Creativity is not just an internal process, we need external stimulation to replenish our creative reserves. When you feel like you just can’t come up with ideas or anything new, maybe it’s time to read.

Reading can help, though I personally understand the struggle to read (and finish!) books. Start with short stories or novellas if you struggle to read novels. Read within the genre you’re trying to write, and then step out of your genre and try something new. You never know when inspiration will strike.

Watch movies, listen to new music, play a video game, or do anything that can give you a creative boost. Reading is critical, but learning about other mediums is just as important.

Step 3: Self-indulgence is key

You may find as you’re recovering from the burnout that your wip may just be what’s causing the problem. Ask yourself some important questions:

Am I writing for myself?

Am I writing something that I want to write?

If not, what do I want to write about?

Do I like what I’m writing, or do I feel like it’s what everyone wants to read?

Answer these questions for yourself, and if you find you don’t like those answers, take a look at your project and see what you can or want to change. Remember, if it’s not fun and it’s not what you want, then it might not be worth it.

Take what you need, leave what you don’t

As always, this guide is meant to be helpful, and as with all writing advice, it’s entirely subjective. I believe these tips work because they worked for me. But if you find that something isn’t helping, leave it! Move on or adjust to what you as an individual need to recover from your burnout.

Remember that no writing is ever wasted and that your writing matters. We need your voice too!

– Indy

#writing help #writing advice #writing tips #writing burnout #writers block #writers on tumblr #writeblr #writblr #avoiding burnout #writing community #writing resources #writers of tumblr #creative writing

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catiuskaa · 5 months

Text

putting to good use

a short sub!jisung smut because he has been going crazy this comeback and I know it for a fact.

posting bc i have 33 drafts and its making me and tumblr a bit crazy lol

MY MAN NEEDS TO CHILL BECAUSE WOW MAN I CAN HANDLE UP TO A POINT

WC: 0.9k

you had always been Jisung’s utmost supporter, his number 1 fan, and with the last comeback, who could blame his partner for wanting to reward all his hard effort?

“Jagi, i’m home!” He greeted, the smile on his face rolling off on his cheeky tone of voice. Jisung giggled softly at the loud hum you let out as a greeting.

He left his coat on the entrance and then walked to the small office/studio you had both created in the apartment so you two could work from home, soundproof panels adding to the vibe and making it clear that there was an artist among you two.

“Oh, hi baby, how was your day? Aww, it was good, jagi, thanks for asking!” He mocked, resting his shoulder on the doorframe.

You stared at him from above the computer screen, your hand fidgeting with your lips, then just nibbling on them, quickly eyeing back to the device.

Han’s eyebrows shot up. He chewed on his lip, wondering if maybe he had done something to annoy you?

What would normally happen was that you'd smile at him, take your headphones off, and hug him tightly. Not just acknowledge his presence with a hum and a nod, your eyes glued to your computer.

Lost in thought, he went over to the kitchen and took a pack of instant noodles for himself. But he hadn´t finished setting up the pot to heat up the water when your arms slithered their way to his waist, turning him and caging him against the countertop, bodies tight against one another.

"J-Jagi?" He stuttered, flustered from head to toe.

"Thought I wouldn't do anything about it, huh?" Your sly snicker sent chills all over his body, and he gasped when your hips pushed him further against the counter. "You, looking hot, and sweaty, and all bothered on stage..."

Each aspect numbered had been accompanied by a gentle thrust of your hips, and Jisung couldn't —wouldn't— dare to hide the little whimpers that came out of his mouth. You smirked, pressing soft kisses on the corner of his mouth.

"And, that silly little video... taking your jacket off your shoulders... and sticking your tongue out, breathless?" Whispers followed the trail of open-mouthed kisses from his jaw to his shoulders, leaving lipstick stains on the way, and Han's legs wobbled in place, still trying to process what was happening.

He panted when you moved away slightly, almost failing to hold his weight on the counter behind him, feeling the cold marble pressed on his lower back, in contrast to how hot you had made him feel in the blink of an eye.

"I- I just..." he muttered, trying to get back his mind, which turned blank at your movements but was quickly silenced when you bit his lip.

You had never done anything like this. Yes, you liked to talk in bed sometimes, but never so dominating, never making him feel like he was yours to touch, and yours only.

He needed more. Now.

"Oh, baby." You cooed at him. He was seeing stars already, his body reacting to your touch and your whispers in a way he had never felt before. "If you stick your tongue out, you might as well be prepared to use it."

The kiss that followed was messy, like a flame that burned its way down his body, a mix of teeth and tongue that made him crazy. You then cradled his face in your hands and pressed his lips against yours, pulling him tightly against you. His mouth was fierce and eager, kissing you deeply, as if it were the only thing that mattered in the world. He didn't want to stop, so he kept pushing you against him, his fingers tangled in your hair as he held you close, his other hand weakly helping his body stay in place.

"I'm going to put that little mouth of yours to good use. Would you like that, baby?"

He was blushing furiously when you nibbled on his ear, waiting for him to reply, but you laughed when he nodded eagerly.

"Speak, baby. If we're going to do this, I need you to say what you want."

He panted, arousal flooding his body, his mind only able to focus on your body and your voice.

"F-Fuck, darling, please–"

You moved away from him, and he almost fell to the floor, breathing heavily.

You softly took his cheek in your hand, his skin hot and red.

"Such a good boy."

He couldn't help but groan now as he felt the anticipation build up inside him. He felt he was going to wake up at any moment because whatever was going on right now felt like a motherfucking dream.

Jisung let out a flustered sigh when you pushed him to the couch, your thigh spreading his legs open just enough to make him suddenly crave more.

"Be a good boy and don't move now, yeah?"

You felt his body tensing underneath your touch when you bent over, your hands resting on his thighs.

"Are you getting shy, baby?" You whispered tenderly at him, your tone completely different from before. He blushed deeply, not able to look at you when he nodded.

You raised your body and kissed him softly, a loving gesture that made Jisung feel butterflies not only on his belly, but all over his body.

“You are absolutely and undeniably beautiful, and you have no reason to worry about how you look or sound right now. Just enjoy it, baby.”

He cradled your face and kissed you tenderly.

You smiled. "Sit back and relax. I'll have my fun now."

~Kats, who had to stop because she got blocked and started laughing and giggling.

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smuthospital · 7 months

Text

⭐️Pirate! Tomura x reader⭐️

Premise: A certain pirate really thinks you're pretty

Warning: NON CON, kidnapping, gn reader

MINORS DNI

"Now for the sponge cake!" You crack an egg and separate the yolks from the whites in two seperate bowls. You're making strawberry shortcake! You stop in your tracks when the sharp smell of smoke leaks into your airways. You drop everything you're doing and run to the bread oven. Your bread almost burned! Momo would kill you! You work at her little bakery and this bread was requested by a frequent customer. You sigh as you place the bread on a cooling rack and put out the fire in the hearth.

You live in a beautiful little port town by and it's what you call home. It's right by the sea so most men in town work at the docs, work at sea or sell goods. You just work in a little bakery. It's moderately popular. Everyone adores the pretty little bakery girl. You have countless old women asking you to marry their grandsons and countless men trying to pry into your life to win themselves a pretty wife to cook for them. You deny all marriage proposals because you're waiting for your true love to sweep you off your feet. And although your sweet little sea side town is everything to you, you hope to one day leave and explore the world. Your friends and family would be fine. You'd come back and show them all the nice things aquired on your travels.

You smell smoke again. That's odd. You could have sworn you turned the hearth off. Maybe a piece of bread fell onto the coals below the heat rack and now it's burning? You peak in the hearth you had just put out and see that it is Infact empty, but the smell of smoke remains. You then hear a scream from outside followed by people running around. You hear gun shots and the sound of distant laugter getting closer. You run outside to see a row of houses on fire, the fire spreading more and more. Momo amung the crowd, yanks you back into the bakery and roughly places a key in your hand. Her skin is as white as a sheet, her body drenched in sweat..and blood? "W-what happened to you? M-Momo? Wh-whats goin-"

"P-Pirates."

Your heart stops. This can't be. What would pirates what from your cute little town? "W-what? O-oh god." You cover your mouth as tears seep from your eyes, knowing this might be the end of your little happy town and maybe your life. Nothing will be the same by days end. "Listen, I need to get to my family. Stay here and hide in the back. Please be safe!" With that, Momo runs off. You waste no time hiding in the bakery, but not before locking the doors and turning off all the lights. You hide in the backroom and pray for a hero. You're covered in a cold sweat as you hear heavy footsteps outside the bakery. They seem to linger for a few moments around the display window. You hear them fade into the distance and sigh in relief.

A rock smashes through the bakery door glass and a hand shoves through the hole created to unlock the door from the inside. You begin to crawl to the back door as the person let's themselves in through the front. You hear the persons feet crunching the glass and the sound of them collecting your baked goods in a sack. You can image that baked bread and sweets are a delicacy to pirates.

You slowly open the back door and your breath is caught in your throat. "Ey captain, we got a live one!" A man wearing black shouts. From behind him, a tall, white haired man comes into view. He ducks his head under the door way as he enters. "Ah and a pretty one. I'm gonna have some fun with you, sweetie."

The cocky grin on his face tells you that he doesn't mean a board game. Fear like no other settles in your gut. He looks absolutely over joyed to see that expression on your face. Your eyes dart around for any escape. His frame covers the entire doorway.

The man smiles down at you wickedly. You try to run back into the bakery, but a pirate in dark clothing stands there, eating the bread you'd just baked. You feel a wall press into your from behind, two hands landing firmly on your shoulders. "Hey, pretty lady, no need to be frightened. We're customers. I'd like to have a cream puff. You got any of those?" The white haired pirate asked, his warm breath tickling the shell of your ear, his chest pressed against your back and...somthing else. "Huh?? No!? I-I can make some..just please..don't hurt me." You turn to him and hold your hands together.

Dread washes over you as you feel his eyes drag up and down your body with that same shit eating grin on his face. His eyes stop at your chest, your cleavage poking out from the top of your apron. You feel naked in his eyes. "No..I can help you make them...it's my specialty." He says right before he grabs at you. You let out a short scream as he picks you up by the waist and forces your body onto a counter, ass up and legs dangling over the edge. He pushes your dress up over your hips and marvels at the sight. He kneeds your ass like dough, your kicking and screaming only egging him on.

As he pulls down your underwear, you spot a wooden mallet you had been using earlier and grab it. He picks up your underwear and brings it to his nose, taking a deep inhale before pocketing it. You can feel his twitching erection poking your thigh. Before he can do anything else, you swing the mallet at his body with all your strength, managing get him in the side. You scramble off the counter and out the back door that he left open, narrowly missing his hand grabbing for your hair. "YOU FUCKING BITCH! I'LL GET YOU!" His words sends shivers like cold water down your spine, but only boost your adrenaline, further encouraging you to run even faster. He recovers from the hit almost immediately and bounds after you. You can hear him quickly catching up from behind you. You don't dare look back.

You feel all hope drain out of your body as a heavy hand land clamps around your wrist. He slams his body into yours, sending you tumbling onto the gravely path with him on top. Black spots cloud the corners of your eyes from the impact. He yanks you by the collar towards his face. You hear his shouting grow farther. He backhands you across the face, momentarily bringing you back to your senses before you succumb to sleep. "You're just a little cock tease. I'll show you how to treat a man." Are the last words you hear before passing out in the mans grip.

You hear the sound of waves, then heavy footsteps on wood. You slowly open your eyes to see that you're on a mattress in the corner of a small, dark, dust covered room. You have a massive headache that has you wanting to close your eyes again, but you do your best to resist. The only light source coming from a small round window. You whimper as you rub your hand on your face, trying to sooth your swollen cheek. You begin crying again. Your town..its gone and you're gonna die. It's like a dungeon in here. You quickly examine yourself just incase you were defiled in your sleep. Your dress is torn, revealing more of your chest and there's a vertical slit up your skirt that goes up to your hip. You shift a bit in your spot, uncomfortable. Your pussy feels..tampered with? The door swings open and you gasp. You scoot to the farthest corner of the bed. "I like that look on you..but you know, you shouldn't have hurt me earlier. That's no way to treat your captain. Now I have to discipline you. I'm captain shigaraki, but you can call me Tomura." He steps closer, taking off his coat and tossing it aside.

"No-no wait. You don't want me..I-Im no good..I...I'm on my period!" You struggle to come up with more excuses. He chuckles at this. "Sweetheart, I know that you're not. I had a taste earlier and even if you were, I'm a pirate. A little bloods never stopped me before." Your expression reflects your disgust. So he did do something to you. "You're a monster!" Your words only seem to make his smile bigger. He gets down and crawls into the bed infront of you like a lion inspecting it's prey. You scream as he grabs you by your ankle and drags you under him. He leans down, his white hair tickling your face, your foreheads almost touching. You feel his throbbing cock under his pants rub against your stomach, begging to be released. He grinds his hips back and fourth along your pelvis, making you feel every inch of what's going to be splitting you open real soon.

He drags his tongue from your neck to your cheek bone. "Feel that? All for you. every since I first laid eyes on you, I couldn't calm down. I've been meaning to get a little cabin wench and I think you'll do the job quite nicely. A pretty little thing to keep my cock warm while out at sea. I'm sure you'd like that." He bucks his hips once, a whimper leaving your mouth. "And you have your uses. You can cook and bake your sweet little bakery things for me and my men. We'll have someone watch you incase you think you can get away with using poison...and if you try...well... don't." His face is only a cm from yours. You can't recoil any further without breaking your neck.

"I'm gonna fuck your mouth first. Then I'm gonna pound your holes into dust. Make you all nice and full. I'm gonna fuck you until you bleed. That is if you're not a virgin. Make sure to beg for me to stop." His large hands grasp your dress and yank it off your body, making sure to keep it intact. Your wailing seems to add to his enjoyment. "You know, sweet heart, If I ripped up your pretty little dress, nothing would stop my men from raping all your holes bloody." One of his hands crawl towards your cunt and plays with your clit, his wide grin mocking you. Your face is completely red in shame. He surprises you when he suddenly shoves a finger into your unprepared cunt.

You hear the clinking of metal and see he's unbuckles his belt as you struggle. You try to push his hand away from your cunt with your free hand when he quickly pulls out away, instead replacing it with his heavy cock. Your breath catches in your throat as you look at the ginormous thing laying on your stomach.

"Y-you can't...be serious. That won't fit! You're gonna kill me!"

You grunt as you struggling with all your strength. "Get off of me! Get off!" You hear a crack and stop stop moving, confused. What was that sound? A fiery sting slowly spreads across your cheek. "Shut the fuck up, meat. I'm sick of your whining. Beg me to stop. Beg me for mercy. And say my name too?" He growls. "P-please, Tomura." He rubs the cheek he just smacked as a form of reward, rubbing away the tears with his thumb.

"That's a good girl..now get on your knees." You do as he says immediately, coming face to face with the monsters monster. To you, it's disgusting. A pirates down below area..who knows where it's been. The tip is already shiny with pre cum. It's thickness seems life threatening. You really don't want to put that stinky pirate prick in your mouth so you instinctively try to pull away and you kinda You like breathing. He anticipated this tangles his hand in your hair and presses your face into his groin, his cock pressing against your cheek and nose. You clench your eyes shut and whimper. You can feel his cock radiating heat. "Common. Show your new owner that you're sorry for hurting him." You don't open your mouth fast enough for his liking so he yanks your hair. The feeling is excruciating. You scream in pain he slides his cock in as soon as your mouth opens.

You immediately gag as it reaches the back of your throat, the taste making you try scrunch up your face. It's salty. It's not even all the way in yet and you're fighting for air. He laughs as you panic. "Never given head? Dont worry, I'll teach ya. Start by sucking. No teeth." You do as he instructs, closing your lips around his shift and suctioning as hard as you can. He lets out a deep, gutteral groan and thrusts his hips back and fourth. "Oh fuck. You're a natural."

He continues thrusting, his cock sliding in and out with ease, now coated with your saliva. Pre cum and saliva leaks from the corners of your mouth and down your chin and onto your awaiting tits. Your breathing has adjusted to his rythim a bit now. His pace quickens and you try to pull away harder than before, not wanting his nasty children in your mouth. He presses his hips to your lips and grunts, his pubic hair smuthered against your nose and mouth. Your mouth burns as hot, thick lava like cum pours down your throat and out your mouth. It's all coming so fast that you can't swollow fast enough to breath. You have a hard time taking it all, some of it spills from your nose. He slowly pulls out with a sigh, his hand still firmy clasping your hair. Your mouth hangs open for a few moments. You think it's over, but his cock is just as hard as it was before he assaulted you. You think you're constant whimpering is doing something for him.

He shoves you on your stomach and lifts your hips up. You try to lift yourself on your elbows, but he shoves your face into the mattress. "Stay down."

His cock prods your entrance. He tries to shove in, but you're too tight and he's too big, causing it to just slip onto your clit. You can still feel the heat coming from it, burning your skin with every contact. He grumbles in frustration when you try to move away. He lifts his heavy hand and smacks your ass. His cock prods your entrance again. "I'm warning you." Your whimpers get louder and more desperate as he slowly stuffs the head of his cock into your cunt. You're in too much pain to think properly. The head pops in and you scream. "Ah. Finally. You're cunt is like a fucking boa. Got me in a chokehold. I might get stuck." He groans out. All you can do is cry, unable to respond without sounding like a blubbering mess. He leans over your back, caging your body with his.

"This might hurt, sweety so just brace yourself." His warning would have been comforting if you couldn't tell how excited he is to hurt you. He shoves the rest of his cock into your cunt, you muffle a cry into the mattress. He presses his hips to yours, rolling in a few circles to rub it in. He licks his lips. "Yeah. Keep crying." He thrusts in and out of your hot cunt. You can hear the wet sounds of your blood and your body desperately trying to create some sort of lubricant. "Hah...maybe I'll put a baby in you. Have you be my exclusive bitch."

"P-please. I'll do anything, Tomura..no...please-" he cuts you off with a loud moan. "You look so fucking pretty like this. Cry more!" He slams his hips into your ass, forcing your spine into an uncomfortable position. Your eyes cross and you you gasp in pain. He snacks your ass again, harder than the first time. You sob loudly, feeling like you're gonna die. You feel his arm reach under you and trail his hand from between your breasts, down your mid section and then down to your tummy. He feels his cock bulge our from you slightly each time he bottoms out. He pushes down on the lump. You whimper, the feeling an indescribable amount of pleasure. You can't help but tighten around his cock even more.

You hate it, but it feels so good. You can't help yourself. Your cunt squeezes his cock as he speeds up, his pace battering your womb without a care, just as a pirate does. You try to crawl away one last time, he puts all his weight on your back and slams his hips harder than ever before, sending ripples down your body. He snacks your ass twice in a row. You're sure his strikes are to leave welts and bruises. You feel a hot gush as his cum flows into you. Your eyes cross, the feeling too pleasurable to bare. You release your juices around his cock and his face comforts in pleasure. "Ah fuck!" Your tummy bloats slightly, and cum spurts out from around where his cock is buried deep inside you. He thrusts gently, riding out his orgasm. He leans over your shoulder to whisper in your ear.

"You're gonna be my little wife now. No complain'in. You cook, you bake, you clean, you sit on my cock and when it's time, bare my children." You can't believe the direction your life took. This morning, you were happy in your little bakery, now you're a pirates concubine or something. He slowly pulls out with a lewd 'pop' sound and rolls you over to face him. He almost tenderly kisses you o the lips. "I enjoyed this raids bounty today. I found a beautiful treasure." His lays himself next to you, hugging you closer to his body.

With that, you couldn't stay awake any longer. Your lower half is completely numb. You have no feeling in your ass and you sure sitting will not be an option for awhile. Maybe one day you'll come to enjoy being a pirates love.

Maybe you'll get used to this. Maybe if you behave.

#lemon #non con #x reader #yandere #yandere x reader #dead dove do not eat #shigaraki tomura #my hero academia

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ancientgoddessofegypt · 3 months

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What Needs Your Attention Right Now? Pick A Pile

Feeing inspired, so just wanted to try something new. Hope you all like it!

PILE 1 - Calm Down. Focus on a higher cause. Resting and Rejuvenation.

So for this group, its time for you to rest that head of yours. How can you move forward if your mind isn't well rested? Think before you speak, and learn to be quiet more. Any intrusive thoughts you might be having are asking for a creative outlet. So go slow. Take your time, and just breathe. For this group, spending time in nature or fully taking in the time to meditate is a primary focus you guys should get into at this time.

Chakra that needs work: Root Chakra. You need to stay grounded and start writing down your thoughts in a notebook. Healing any old issues could come through from the power of writing. Depressive thoughts could be something worth noting with this group, however I see going outside and getting some fresh air takes some of the pressure from low emotions you're feeling off of you a bit. For more ways to ground, try putting your feet in the grass, it helps stimulate the body. In the morning, find something to calm and relax the mind, maybe soft music? Make sure to stretch when you wake up to stimulate to brain. Overall, for this group you need to be patient and let things run its course.

PILE 2 - Letting go brings great success. Goals & Dreams. Focusing on the Higher Path.

So this group needs to put a little more energy into their goals! Brain fog might be significant for this group and this could be causing uncertainty in what you want for yourself. You have the power to receive what it is you want. The power is in your mind. You must know that it is yours, and on a mental scale challenging your brain to do more and feel more deserving of your goals will strengthen you in the end. Ever heard of fake it til you make it? You never know until you try.

Chakra that needs work: Third Eye + Solar Plexus

Work out. Work out. Work it Out! Put some more work in exercising those muscles. Working out the body helps the brain work harder to fight of anything that keeps it from focusing, and you need all the energy you can get to master those goals of yours. Perception is another focus for this group, trying making a plan for yourself and what you see for the next 5 years or so, k? This will help with visualization skills in the future. Speaking of visualization, try making a vision board and keeping it somewhere you can see everyday! Something about your goals are important and need some heavy lifting. Remember all seeds grow at their own pace, so just because you don't see anything after a week, a month, yr, etc doesn't mean its not moving. The garden you create has its own tempo at the end of the day. ;)

PILE 3 - Following Your Destiny. A Higher Calling.

Soul Purpose. Your mission is coming up and its moving out everything thats been in the way. You have to move forward with what your spirit wants from you, as your destiny is more important than you realize. Be thankful for the past, and move higher into the present. Take a deep breathe and forge through the challenges and obstacles that we're standing in your way and lead to a higher destination. You've been brought here for something significant, but do you know that? Take time to listen to your intuition and focus on what is asked of you at this time.

Chakra that needs work : Heart Chakra

So this chakra is in control of your higher purpose. You need love to bring it all into fruition. Let this passion for something deeper burn in you so that you can heal any troubles from the past, as this could have blocked you from knowing what it is you desire. Be more open to enjoying life as is, because this group is suppose to live life on edge. And you are meant to be leading your life with the power of the infinite, which brings it all back to love. Hope this helps !

#soul reading #channeled message #channeler #oracle #pick a pile #pick a card #pick a reading #pick a photo #chakras #mystic healer #spirituality

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daechwitatamic · 4 months

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Of Ruin: Chapter 4 || KTH

(banner by @/itaeewon)

Of Ruin (Masterpost)

Rating: NSFW - minors dni Genre: vampire!au magic!au royalty!au, s2l, slow burn, eventual smut, angst and fluff

Summary: Taehyung of House Rune, Prince of Infracticus has been cursed. You’re the human world’s leading curse-breaker. It should be simple. But unraveling the curse becomes the least of your problems in the face of a world on the brink of civil war… and the love you start to feel for the prince.

A/N: Thank you endlessly to @/sailoryooons for betaing!!! 💕

Section Warnings: tense situations with dangerous vampires, casual wine drinking, language probably, arguments

wc: 5.5k

“What have we here?” the low voice asks, and your adrenaline races, leagues ahead of your logical processes which take a few more seconds to register that you’re standing between the stone statue and an Infracti man, thin and willowy, unnaturally long.

You’re slammed with shame at your hubris, warring intensely with your fear. You’d thought you could just wander around the royal palace of Infracticus, that these natural predators wouldn’t find you, couldn’t sneak up on you?

“A human?” he continues, thoughtfully. His black eyes are on you intently, his upper lip curled to reveal his inhuman incisors. He cocks his head, crowds you in a bit. “Or… something else? What brings you here, little morsel?”

Morsel.

You try to peek around him, to see if anyone might come to your rescue. There’s no one there. You aren't supposed to be here, you’re supposed to be in your rooms, guarded, kept safe. And this is why.

He can’t just kill you right here, you think wildly. We’re in the palace, for god’s sake.

Well, something in your mind counters, he can. There just might be consequences after.

You didn’t even make it twenty-four hours without blowing your cover. Not even twenty-four hours before fucking up the assignment, putting yourself in danger.

This is why you shouldn’t be in charge of the cases.

“I was invited,” you say, and your voice shakes.

He smiles, or something like it, sliding somehow closer. You press harder against the statue, your body trying to create space that isn’t there. Your legs tremble, and you clutch your hands into fists to hide how they shake.

“Oh,” he says, tilting his head even further, his voice dripping with mock sympathy. “Don’t be frightened. I wouldn’t kill you. Only -”

“Only what?” a cold voice interjects.

The Infracti man has backed away from you and bowed deeply at the waist before you can even process his movement. Infracti move unnaturally fast when they choose to, and you feel like your mind is working through molasses in the wake of your adrenaline rush.

Relief makes your shaking knees almost give way. The prince stands before you, a sandy-haired Infracti man behind him, both of them frowning deeply.

You push yourself off the statue, fear sharpening, shifting into a stance that might allow you to run, if you need to.

“Your highness,” the Infracti, still bowing, says. “I -”

Prince Taehyung turns to the man behind him. “Take her to my rooms,” he murmurs, just quietly enough that you struggle to hear him. “I need to handle this, here.”

You freeze, trying to decide if you should bolt (as if you could outrun any of them), or if you should go where you’re told. The word morsel swims through your mind again.

Prince Taehyung must see it on your face - fear, wild and roiling - because he pauses. Then he speaks again, even more quietly, just to you.

“I trust Jimin with my own life,” he tells you. “You can trust him with yours. Go to my rooms. I’ll come right after you.”

The sandy-haired Infracti - Jimin, apparently - holds out his arm to you, as if he’s your date, ready to escort you through the court gathering below. You step forward on shaky legs and are surprised when he supports you easily.

You shouldn’t be surprised. You’ve got to stop underestimating the monsters you’re surrounded with.

He leads you away silently, but once you’re around a few corners he slows his gait considerably and releases your arm so you can walk on your own. You’re grateful; he wasn’t the one who scared you, but you want as much personal space as you can get, right now.

“Almost there,” he promises you. “The prince’s wing is just up those stairs ahead.”

You count your breaths as you follow him, trying - and failing - to still the tremors that still rock your limbs. You reach the stairs quickly and follow Jimin up. At the top, you’re greeted with a gorgeously decorated corridor with thick carpeting and glittering chandeliers replacing wall sconces. Guards stand at attention on both sides of the corridor, backs straight and black eyes forward.

The closest one turns when you approach, but her shoulders relax when she spots Jimin. Her eyes catch on you, and she frowns quizzically.

“The Prince asked me to bring her here,” Jimin explains.

“For what purpose?”

“I didn’t ask,” Jimin says coolly. “You can ask him, he should be right behind me.”

The guard’s expression tells you that she does not want to do that, and she slides back into place, inclining her head towards the guards that flank his tall, golden doors, indicating that you should be allowed through.

Inside, Jimin gestures for you to sit on one of the plush couches in the first room. You sit on the edge, terrified. You’re pretty sure no one is going to actually kill you at this point, but the fear from earlier clings to you, reluctant to leave. Not to mention, you’re sure you’re in trouble for getting yourself in that situation in the first place, for going against your directions.

The only thing the royal family had asked of you was secrecy.

Jimin keeps his distance, turning and watching the fire dance in the fireplace, leaving you to panic in silence. As promised, it is only minutes before the doors open again, and Prince Taehyung pushes his way through, jaw set and brows furrowed. Jimin turns to face him, and you rise.

He stalks towards you, stopping a few feet in front of you. His eyes, made to look human, find yours.

“Are you hurt?” he asks, a bit breathlessly.

“No,” you tell him, but he seems to look you up and down anyway. His gaze catches on your shaking hands. His face softens, some of the anger ebbing away.

“Don’t be scared,” he says, a touch more gently. “You’re safe now.”

You nod, feeling no better for his reassurances. Are you safe?

He backs off a step, shares a look with Jimin, then laughs darkly, shaking his head. He walks away from you, rubbing his forehead.

“I thought you were supposed to be some kind of genius,” he shoots over his shoulder at you. You flinch. “What kind of idiot human walks around Infracticus alone?”

Jimin speaks up, saving you from having to respond. “Did you deal with -?”

Prince Taehyung nods, expression grim. “It’s under control.”

“In that case, we should rejoin dinner,” Jimin ventures. “I’m sure our absence has been noted.”

Prince Taehyung brushes past him and reaches for a crystal decanter, pouring a dark liquid into a glass. He lifts the decanter towards Jimin, who shakes his head, then at you.

You eye the deep red liquid, stomach jolting.

“It’s wine,” he says flatly, correctly reading your reaction. “Ordinary wine. A pinot noir, I believe.”

“No thank you,” you whisper.

Taehyung makes a face like suit yourself and drains his glass. Then, to Jimin, he says, “Will you go back? If anyone inquires… something came up.”

Jimin nods mutely, giving him a quick bow and heading for the door. He pauses as he passes the prince, muttering something quietly to him that you can’t catch. But, as he does, his eyes are on you, and the prince turns minutely to look at you as well.

You feel a shudder travel down your spine.

Jimin shoots one last glance at you and slips out the door. Prince Taehyung heaves a sigh and moves to refill his goblet.

“What did he say?” you demand. You’re so frightened that it makes you aggressive; you’re a cornered animal, no control over lashing out. And it’s clear to you that whatever was said, it was about you.

Prince Taehyung gives you a wry kind of smile, one that you don’t understand.

“He told me to remember that I’m scary, too,” he says dryly. “As if I could ever forget. Especially these days.”

When you don’t answer, he turns, fiddling with the crystal decanter again.

“Are you sure you don’t want wine?” he offers again, not turning to look at you. “It would calm your nerves.”

“I’d rather keep a clear head,” you say, your voice starting to sound firmer, more solid now that your heart isn’t galloping anymore. In your head, you see the swirl of black eyes, and you push the image away.

“Smart,” he says, and comes to sit on the couch opposite you. He opens a hand, indicating that you should sit as well. You do, stiffly. You’re pretty sure you’re about to be fired.

You guess that’s better than being slaughtered.

Still sucks, though.

“That was Jimin,” he says suddenly, like his manners have just occurred to him. “He’s my best friend, for some reason. Has been for… centuries. I should have properly introduced you.”

“It’s okay,” you say, sheepish. “You were focusing on… other things.”

He rubs the bridge of his nose. “I’m not going to tell my parents what happened tonight,” he says, removing his hand and looking up at you. His wavy hair swings a little, and a detached part of your brain gets the errant urge to brush it back into place.

“You’re not?” you echo hollowly.

He shakes his head. “They’d send your team back immediately.”

You swallow thickly, feeling like you’re being handed a gift you absolutely don’t deserve. “They’d be right to,” you whisper, shame crawling up your arms.

He makes a face like he agrees, a little bit. “I have faith in your curse-breaking abilities,” he tells you. “If not your ability to follow directions.”

Your face heats up. “I’m sorry,” you blurt out. “And not just because someone found me - I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have -”

“So why did you?” he asks, brow furrowing. “I can’t understand. Were we somehow unclear? The other families can’t know we hired a curse-breaker. Humans don’t come here - questions will be asked. And even if you chose not to care about my secret… you put yourself in great danger.”

“I’m sorry,” you say again. “I wasn’t… I didn’t not care about keeping your secret. I just… didn’t think anyone would notice me.”

You’re sure the prince rolls his eyes at this, lightning quick. “My people may be civilized,” he says slowly, nearly in a drawl, “but that doesn’t change the fact that you are a walking buffet table with flashing neon signs. They can smell you before they can see you. They can hear your heartbeat from rooms away. They are inherently built to find you even when you don’t want to be found.”

He stares at you a bit incredulously, as if he can’t believe he needs to explain this to you at all. “I thought you were a scholar on my people,” he adds finally, putting voice to what you’d seen on his face.

“I was,” you croak. “I am. I just… underestimated the situation. I thought I could stay undetected. I just wanted to… look around. I spent so many years studying your people and your culture, it’s torture to sit in one room, so close, but unable to experience any of it.”

The prince sits back at this, looking at you suddenly with an expression that you can’t decipher at all.

“What?” you ask, nervous. Has your explanation offended him?

You start trying to think of how to explain further, when he gives a tiny half-smile and says, “I didn’t expect you to be… curious. About us. About my home.”

You sit back, too. This conversation is not going where you expected it to, and you feel a bit thrown.

“Curious is an understatement,” you admit tentatively. “I want to see everything. I read so much… I never dreamed of seeing any of it in person. It was never a possibility, not even as a wild fantasy. And now I’m here.”

The prince’s tiny smile grows sideways, just a little. “Very well,” he says, putting his hands on his knees, businesslike. “I’ll make time to let you experience Infracticus - safely. With me.”

You look at him, wide-eyed. You’d entered this room thinking you were going to be sent home, and instead it seems like the crown prince is offering to take you sight-seeing.

“Really?” you ask. “You’ll do that?” You try not to ask why, but it’s clear in your voice anyway.

He nods once, still quite serious. “You’re not here as a prisoner,” he says, suddenly not looking at you. “I don’t want you to feel like one. You’ve given up quite a lot and put yourself in a dangerous situation to help me with my problem. It seems fair that you should get some enjoyment out of being here.”

Your brow furrows. “I’m here to do a job for you,” you say seriously. “I don’t want you to think that I’m just… vacationing.”

He nods, his expression clearing, like you’ve said something that alleviates a worry. “Perhaps,” he suggests, “I could escort you safely around the palace grounds so you don’t feel so cooped up, and we could discuss the curse as we walk. That way we can consider our time spent productively.”

You nod. “That sounds reasonable.”

He gives a tight, agreeable smile. “Well then,” he says, “anything you’d particularly like to see?”

Tentatively, you venture, “Well… I’d like… could we… could I see the amarisca up close?”

A smile does cross his face, now, full and genuine, the first one you’ve seen on him. It changes him entirely, takes him from something cold and frightening to boyish and sweet. “That’s an excellent choice,” he says, still smiling. “We can go to my private stable. I’m afraid that tonight I’ve got to show my face back with the court families… but, tomorrow?”

You nod, hardly believing this turn of events. He rises, setting his goblet back where it came from, and you follow him to his doors.

With four of his guards flanking you, he walks you back to your rooms. As you try to keep pace with him up one of the long, stone corridors, he asks you, “From our conversation this morning… do you have any thoughts about…?”

He trails off, clearly not wanting to say the curse out loud now that you’re back inside and surrounded by other Infracti, even if they are his own staff.

“Nothing very substantial,” you answer automatically, sliding easily into professional mode. “The first step is to identify all the threads - then, we can begin to work out the most effective way to unravel them.”

He goes quiet for the length of time it takes you to climb two staircases. Then, at the top, he says quietly, “That sounds impossible. How can you identify things you can’t even see?”

“There are ways,” you say, trying to sound confident - competent. “Magic always talks - you just have to know what to listen for.”

He doesn’t respond to this, but you watch his jaw tighten. Nervously, you follow him in silence.

He stops you around the corner from your quarters. “How did you get past Dansoo and Satuel in the first place?” he asks curiously. “It’s not like either of them to get distracted.”

You avoid his gaze, suddenly fascinated with a decorative vase to your right. He says your name again, and you cringe, wishing you could disappear on the spot.

“I… sort of used magic to distract them,” you admit, unable to make yourself look up at him.

The prince doesn’t respond to this, just watches you out of the corner of his eyes, expression flat.

You wonder if it was a mistake to admit that, a mistake to show your hand - that you had a decent grasp of magic, that you could use it against them if you needed to.

You should have used magic with the Infracti earlier, you think belatedly. You’d been too panicked to think clearly. It wasn’t instinct to you - your fight or flight hadn’t considered it an option. But it may have worked.

“I have to ask you to please not let this happen again,” he says quietly. “I understand what lured you out - but it’s too unsafe. For both of us. If you want to go somewhere, or you need a change of scenery… have Satuel get me. I’ll do my best to accommodate.”

You look at your feet. “I’m sorry I risked your secret,” you say to your shoes. “I really wasn’t trying to. I really thought no one would notice me.”

“Now you know differently,” he says, and you shiver at the cold edge that’s returned to his voice. “Promise me it won’t happen again.”

You can’t look up from your feet. “Yes, Maiesti,” you promise.

He sighs. “Come on,” he says, and leads you around the final corner.

The looks on Dansoo and Satuel’s faces when they recognize you would be funny if you didn’t feel so bad about it. You hope they aren’t in trouble.

“A little tip,” the prince says to them, and you swear there’s humor in his tone. “This one uses magic quite well.”

He wishes you goodbye and you slip inside, closing and locking the door behind you.

Inside, Namjoon looks up from the couch, where he’s lounging sideways, scribbling in a tiny notebook. Upon seeing you, he frowns, closing the book and sitting up.

“Where did you go?” he asks, and there’s definitely an edge of annoyance in his tone. “I woke up and you were gone - I didn’t know if we’d been summoned and I’d slept through it, or if something bad happened…”

You feel yourself go cold with shame for the second time that evening. “I thought I’d be back before you were up,” you say quietly. “I wanted to walk a little. I wanted to explore the palace.”

His eyes flash. “Do you have any idea the danger -?”

“Of course I do,” you shoot back hotly. “I was only going for a minute.” And I got found in that minute, you think, but you’re not sure if he knows this and you don’t want to rat on yourself.

“Let me ask you this,” Namjoon says, tone stony. “When you were in the rainforest with my grandfather, did you go exploring there? Alone?”

Of course you hadn’t. He knows the answer already.

“So how is this different?” he challenges. “What’s the difference?”

I hadn’t spent ten years studying the rainforest. I wasn’t half in love with the trees before I got there.

Again, you fail to put words to what’s in your heart: your life has revolved around studying this place of fantasy, never dreaming you could put your hand on it someday. Now that you’re here, you want to experience it, every bit of it. You want to be part of it so badly it aches.

“Fewer poison frogs here,” you mumble.

Namjoon softens. “Fewer blood-sucking monsters there,” he points out.

You press your lips together. You have no good retort for that. After a minute, you release a quick breath. “Let’s order our dinner,” you say. “Then I’d like to work on our list of threads for a little longer.”

He nods silently, but you can tell by his face that he has plenty more he thinks he could say and is choosing not to.

“Sure,” he says. “Let’s get dinner.”

Later, when your meal winds down and you start stacking dishes, you nudge him with your elbow, lightly.

“I’m sorry,” you say quietly. “It was a mistake to go.”

He nudges you back with a little smile, then rises and gathers some plates. It seems, for now, that you’re forgiven.

Taehyung misses the meal, but it’s no matter - he can order bloodfood to his own chambers. He’d prefer that, anyway.

In his own chambers, he doesn’t have to force himself awake and attentive. Truthfully, he’s been so tired he can hardly stand it, using salves to hide the bags under his eyes.

Under the curse, he doesn’t sleep from midnight to dawn, his body instead spending those hours launching into overdrive, trying fruitlessly to escape his confines, to get out, to hunt. He wakes sore and spent each sunrise, his limbs begging for reprieve, and tries to rest for a few hours before his day begins.

Sleep never comes, no matter how exhausted he is. Or, if it comes, it doesn’t last, not long enough to matter.

As the nights continue in this way, he feels like he has less and less strength to fake it during the day. He feels like he’s existing on spite and bitterness alone, brittle and seconds from crumbling into jagged, splintery pieces.

By the time he reaches the hall where the court families take dinner, most of the crowd has dispersed. It seems his mother has led most of the women outside, where they gather near the edge of the wide balcony and look together at the skies. There must be celestial movement, he figures, something happening with the planets that’s warranted their attention.

He makes his way towards his father, knowing he needs to be seen here. His father quirks an eyebrow, but doesn’t ask the question Taehyung knows he wants to ask.

“Had to handle something,” Taehyung murmurs quietly. “My apologies.”

His father looks at him steadily for a minute, the conversation flowing around them. There’s been a lot between the two of them lately, and most of it ugly. But, for just a minute, Taehyung feels small again, like his father could - and might want to - solve his problems, offer him comfort.

And the King surprises him.

“You should go rest,” he says firmly, and Taehyung looks up at him, shocked. “There’s nothing pressing happening tonight. Rest while you can. You missed the meal, anyway - you ought to eat. You need your strength.”

Taehyung inclines his head, so grateful that he’s almost choked up about it. On his way from the room, he catches Jimin’s eye, and his best friend hurries to come keep stride with him.

“Ooh, am I excused, too?” Jimin asks, mock excitedly.

“I say you are,” Taehyung smiles sideways. “So you are. Make sure I don’t faint on my way to my rooms. At least where there are witnesses.”

After ordering what food he wants brought to him, Taehyung flops on the couch and groans loud and long.

Jimin flops into a chair near Taehyung’s feet. “Has your father started in about her yet?”

Taehyung is so puzzled that he lifts his head to peer curiously at the other man. “What?”

“The curse-breaker,” Jimin clarifies. “I saw how you were with her.”

Taehyung scowls. “I wasn’t like anything with her. I can have you removed, you know.”

“You can, but you won’t,” Jimin grins like the cheshire cat. “So? He hasn’t?”

“What makes you think he’d care about her?” Taehyung grouses.

Jimin shrugs. “Your father’s been throwing suitors at you for at least a month,” he observes. “Now you got this skilled curse-breaker right under your nose. She’s pretty. Seems to like you alright. I just figured it was only a matter of time before he started scheming.”

Taehyung groans again, dropping his head back to the couch. “He hasn’t started yet. Maybe I’m safe.”

Jimin makes a hum like he very much doubts it. “Consider my surprise when you were kind to her.”

“Consider,” Taehyung shoots back, eyes narrowed, “what a pain in my ass you are. I was never unkind to father’s… the suitors he picked.”

“Perhaps not,” Jimin muses. “But you weren’t warm, either. You seemed quite worried about her after her little incident.”

“Shut up,” Taehyung grumbles. “If you’re just here to push my buttons, you can leave. I’d rather get some sleep than listen to your nonsense.”

Jimin glances at the marble and gold clock on the mantle. “You could get in a few hours,” he points out. “Do you want to sleep? I’ll wake you before midnight.”

Taehyung shakes his head. “Thank you, but no,” he says. “I’m too… I’ve got too much energy right now.”

It’s true; he feels keyed up, has since he accidentally stumbled upon you pressed against that statue, eyes wide and heart hammering. He’d heard it from around the corner, knew something was wrong, had willed himself to stay calm and steady.

He’d almost gained his salvation and lost it, all in the same day.

—

The prince shows up the next night after you’ve finished dinner, having sent word to your guards that you should be ready. When Satuel opens the door and announces him, you’re expecting him. You’re not expecting to find him draped in a hooded black cloak, exactly like the ones you and Namjoon had been asked to wear the night you’d arrived. Prince Taehyung holds one out to you, and you don’t argue.

You’d explained to Namjoon what the prince had offered you, and extended an invitation, but he’d declined. As you leave, he watches you carefully, sharp eyes watching the door close behind you.

Prince Taehyung leads you silently down corridors and staircases; you can’t really tell where in the palace you are, but you are definitely going down. As you travel, you notice fewer furnishings - paintings on the walls become fewer and farther between, the lighting on the walls become more plain, you stop passing little console tables decked with flowers and vases.

A lone guard stands at the beginning of the final corridor - you can see closed doors at the end of the hall that must lead outside - and he bows deeply upon seeing Prince Taehyung.

“We should be returning within the hour,” the prince tells him, and the guard nods in understanding. The prince leads you to the doors, pushing through them and holding one open as you follow him out into the night air.

You know in theory that although the human world is considered above and Infracticus is considered below they are not physically so. A more accurate picture, if it was possible to make one, would have the worlds hovering side by side. They link pinkies, never drifting too far from each other.

Right now, that sky is dark and littered with flickering stars - more than you ever saw in the human world, more than you thought could be possible in a finite amount of space.

Prince Taehyung pushes off his hood as soon as the night air envelopes you. You can see lights from a small building down below, and he points to them.

“We’re heading there,” he says. “There are stairs - I’ll help you. I know you can’t see that well in the dark.”

Unlike him.

“I get the cloak for me,” you say, as he leads you to the edge of the stone walkway where the stairs must begin. “But why for you?”

He shrugs. “Just in case. The guards need to know where I am, of course, but no one else needs to. The court families tend to be quite… nosy. Gossip tends to spread.”

This makes you smile. Then, the smell hits you - salt. Specifically, sea spray.

“Are we near the ocean?” you ask, delighted. You wish it wasn’t dark out so you could see. You wonder if you could ask him to bring you during the day.

He makes an affirmative noise low in his throat. “The stables all back up to the sea,” he tells you. “So the amarisca can have access to the water.”

“Smart,” you observe.

Prince Taehyung pauses on the first step, then turns and holds out a hand to you.

You hesitate. It seems wrong, somehow - like it shouldn’t be allowed.

“They’re slippery,” he tells you. “Let me help you so you don’t get hurt.”

You nod, swallowing, and hesitantly place your hand in his. It’s ridiculous the way it makes your heart race to touch his hand. You hope, swallowing back embarrassment, that he can’t hear it. You’re sure he can. Still, he holds your hand firmly and guides you carefully down one step at a time, glancing up at you frequently to gauge how you're faring.

He waits at the bottom as you take the final step; your feet sink into loose, dry sand. The rhythmic crash of breaking waves greets you, closer than you expect, and you breathe in the sea air happily.

“I wish my rooms were here,” you say without thinking, and the prince looks at you thoughtfully.

“If you are here for longer than - rather, if the curse takes very long to break,” he says seriously, “then perhaps we’ll arrange that.”

You go quiet as he leads you up the beach, the lights from the stable growing brighter as they get closer.

“I feel like you’re being nicer to me than I deserve,” you admit, the darkness making you bolder. “I know that I really messed up yesterday.”

He shakes his head, halting and turning to look at you through the dark. You can barely make out his features, here away from the glow of the palace’s many lights, surrounded by the crash of ocean waves and the calls of gulls. “You’re a guest here. And we’re asking a lot of you. I should have offered you the chance to look around in the first place.”

You go quiet, focusing on the sound of the ocean, the smell of the salt air. “I’m still sorry,” you murmur.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he tells you seriously. “I need you. My life has been… absolutely destroyed by this curse. I’ll do whatever I can to make your time here better. Your well-being is the most worthwhile investment I’ve had in six hundred years.”

There are two Infracti at the stable, and they leap to attention when they see the prince.

“Do you want her saddled?” one of them asks.

“No,” Prince Taehyung says, holding out a staying hand. “I’m not taking her out to ride tonight.”

He asks them to be at ease and leads you inside. The smell of hay and feed mixes with the smells of the ocean, and it takes you a moment to adjust.

“There’s a larger stable on the other side of this hill,” Prince Taehyung tells you, stepping up to the single stall door. “That’s where the rest of the amarisca are kept, and the court families can use those stalls when they come and go. But this stable is just for me.”

The amarisca in the stall greets him by pressing her dark teal snout affectionately into his open palm.

He smiles unfettered, cheeks rising, and something in your chest moves as you watch them.

“This is Potato,” he tells you, and you laugh out loud, surprised.

“You named your amarisca Potato?” you ask, still laughing.

He grins. “Her official name is Regency’s Sweet Potato, but she won’t answer to that.”

“She’s so beautiful,” you breathe, inching closer. “I never dreamed I’d see one up close. I never dreamed I’d see one in person at all.”

Again, Prince Taehyung looks at you sideways, but doesn’t interrupt. He shifts sideways so you can draw a little closer.

“Do you want to pet her?” he asks.

You think about it, then shake your head. “Not yet.”

He looks at you quizzically.

How to explain - that you don’t feel like you deserve this dream coming true, after what a fool you were yesterday? That something deep within you feels the need to keep the dream just a dream, that if you touch her it’ll be real and it’ll be over and you can’t dream about it anymore?

“You read about all these things,” you try to explain, eyes on the animal’s beautiful coat, “but never see them - it starts to feel like they’re mythical, make-believe. Seeing them in person… my brain still wants to believe they aren’t real. Like this must be some trick.”

It’s not a full explanation, it doesn’t really answer the question he didn’t ask, but you do feel like you’re telling him something.

“Us, too?” he asks curiously. “Do Infracti seem made-up, too, until you’re standing with them?”

You consider this. “Standing with them,” you finally answer quietly, very aware that you are standing with him, alone, “doesn’t make me feel like I’m seeing something my mind didn’t believe in. My mind just…accepts you as human. Usually.”

“That’s been your biggest mistake since you got here,” he says, and his voice is suddenly much darker. “And it’s the mistake that will get you killed, if you don’t stop making it. Infracti are not human. And they are not all as scared of the protection laws as you might want them to be.”

Goosebumps fly up your arms as the image of the Infracti who’d cornered you in the palace rises in your mind.

“Yeah,” you say quietly. “I’m starting to get that.”

A bit later, he says, “Let’s go back. I have some business to attend to tonight before I… before midnight.”

You step back reluctantly from Potato’s stall, and he seems to clock this.

“Next time I’ll bring something for you to feed her,” he suggests, and you can’t help but give him a small smile.

Next time? Is he planning on walking alone with you around the palace grounds on a regular basis?

You’re afraid to ask. You’re afraid he’ll say yes, make you feel even guiltier for all the kindness he’s affording you.

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thank you so much for reading!! lots more to come!

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