Tumgik
#sorry i know this is snarky but at some point you're an adult and you need to take responsibility for unlearning bigotry
palmselsewherepalace · 4 months
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Hearing/learning about them getting sick (Genshin Impact GN!Reader x Furina, Yoimiya, Faruzan)
I'm kinda rusty on my writing but i thought doing little bits like these would help me get better. Some of them might sound cheesy or out of character like i said i'm rusty and i haven't written anything since my old embarrassing Sonamy fanfics. If anyone wants to request anything with GN!Reader X Genshin, i'll try my best to write for every adult character as long as it's sfw. Sorry for any grammar errors it's like 5AM right now and i wanted to finish this in one go. Hope ya'll have fun reading this!
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FARUZAN
You've been working on your projects in Akademiya and haven't saw Faruzan since the early morning, that in itself is a weird sign that something was going on and you decided to visit your lovers house. As you knock on the door you hear shuffling noises, when door opens you see Faruzan wrapped herself in a blanket, barely able to walk, her nose is running, her skin looks pale, her eyes looks puffy and she's trying her hardest to look confident in front of you. "Oh Y/N! I didn't expect you to visit me tod- ACHO!" She sneezes and sniffles her nose. As she was about to speak you stop her and let yourself in. "Alright Madam you're going back to your bed and i'm making you a hot soup and some tea." "H-hey you don't have to i was stuck in a pyramid surely i can take care of myself!" You looked at Faruzan and put your palm onto her forehead to see if she has a high fever or not. Faruzan blushes but doesn't let it get to her head. You give a relived sigh as it doesn't feel that warm. "It's not that bad alright you really don't have to i can make myself some warm soup, take my medicines and rest." You looked at her with a concerned look in your face. "I know you can but with all respect Madam Faruzan i'm refusing and taking care of you, now come on go back to your bed." Faruzan protests but let's you help her get back to bed. When you arrive at her room you gently help her lie back down. While she was about to lie down you can hear her struggle with a headache and a little back pain. "Looks like old age getting to you." You make a snarky comment. Faruzan smiles faintly hits you with one of her small pillows. "Don't disrespect your elders or your partner." You hold her hand and rub the back of her hand with your thumb. This makes Faruzan blush and looks down at tangled hands. "You're going to get sick if you stay close to me." "I don't care, i can take some days off from my projects" "HEY DON'T YOU DARE TO TAKE YOUR WORK LIGHTLY!" Faruzan pulled your hand, even with the state she's in, she still has the power of a angry grandma. You laugh and cal m her down. "Okay okay now madam what would you like as your soup?" You get up from her side and walk towards her bedroom door. "Something with lots of vegetables and sour." Faruzan smiles and lies back down on her bed with a smile on her face feeling safe and loved.
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FURINA
It's noon and you decided to visit a small cafe right in front of your house. As you we're drinking your coffee you noticed a familiar armored crab heading towards your house door. It was Mademoiselle Crabaletta, she noticed you sitting in the cafe and basically rushed towards you. Crabaletta looked like she was in a panic and trying to get you to follow her. You decided to pay for your coffee and follow Crabaletta. After you walking and Crabaletta running, you arrive'd at Furina's home. Crabaletta walked towards the door and with some handy moves of her claws she opened the door and pointed you to enter. While entering you heard a faint voice coming towards Furina's bedroom. "Crabaletta? Did you comeback with my medicines?" You heard, your lover Furina's voice and hear her cough really roughly. You heard Crabaletta make some sounds that you couldn't understand and heard a loud Furina from her room. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU BOUGHT Y/N AS WELL!?!" Crabaletta unbothered, pulled out a small bag out of her shell and pulled you with one of her claws towards Furina's room. When you enter the room you see your lover hiding under the covers while her other hydro summons look confused, her sea horse summon Surintendante Chevalmarin was holding a tray with some water and hot tea and Gentilhomme Usher was holding some tissues for Furina's runny nose. You walk towards Furina's bed and sit next to her, she's still under her covers but you can see her shape. You decided to talk out loud. "Oh wow my lover is sick what should i do to take care of her?" The way you spoke made Furina chuckle under the covers and you decided to continue and be more dramatic. "Can she even eat when she's suffering? What kinda see's do i need to cross to find her a proper medicine?!?" Furina pulls her head out of the covers while laughing and looks at you. "Look at you being a drama queen" As she talked you heard her sickly voice, you gently rub her cheeks with your hand. "Learned it from the best. Now chicken soup?" Furina coughs while nodding. "Please"
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YOIMIYA
It was a rainy day in Inazuma and you're going through your daily routine, talking with your friends, helping elderly. While going through the villages you see Itto and some kids running towards you under the rain. "HEY Y/N YOU NEED TO HELP YOIMIYA!" Itto picks you up by your shoulders and shakes you like a toy. When Itto puts you back on the ground you rub your head. "Calm down tell me what happened." Itto still panicking. "Look kids told me that Yoimiya haven't been out of her house and her parents told them that she was so sick that she couldn't get out of her bed." After that looked at you in the eyes, breaking your personal space. "YOU HEAR THAT YOIMIYA NOT GETTING OUT OF HER BED!?! THAT'S LIKE SEEING FISHES FLY!" You pat Itto's shoulders and push him a little bit while calming him down. "Dude Itto, chill out, she probably caught cold and resting. But thanks for telling me i'll visit her right away." Itto gives you a thumbs up while still look like he's about to cry. "CURE THESE KIDS BIG SISTER THEY TRUST YOU!" You smile and give him a thumbs up back, and head towards Yoimiya's home. When you arrive you knock on the door, Yoimiya's father Ryuunosuke opens the door and smiles at you. "Oh i was expecting you to show up, i guess you heard about my little girl?" Ryuunosuke smiled and let you in. You walked towards Yoimiya's room and knocked on her door. You hear a faint cough. "Come in!" You open the door and gently wave at Yoimiya, who's been sitting on her bed. When Yoimiya see's you, her eyes lit up and she gives you a big smile. "Y/N! I've missed you my firecracker!" You sat next to Yoimiya and she gave you a hug but then immediately pulled back. "Oh i should keep my distance i don't want you to get sick as well." You smile and hug her back. "Hey if you're gonna take care of me while i'm sick i'm okay with it." Yoimiya burried her head into your chest and wrapped her arms around you and looked up to you. "Alway-ACHO!" She sneezes towards your face and both of you laugh as you two clean your faces with some towels.
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writeforfandoms · 8 months
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Superhero
For Gazfest, hosted by the amazing @glitterypirateduck
Prompts: Roommate and "Stay still."
You're thrilled to find your roommate came home sooner than expected, but something is weighing on him.
Warnings: Swearing, yearning, Feels, idiots in love.
Word count: 2.3k
Kyle "Gaz" Garrick x f!reader
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You almost didn't notice the boots by the front door, except you accidentally kicked one of them. You swore softly and then grinned. Boots meant Kyle was back. 
"Kyle?" You called into the apartment, leaving your own shoes haphazardly dropped next to his boots. You didn't hear a response, so you paused in the hallway between your two rooms. 
You couldn't hear anything coming from his bedroom. Maybe he was taking a nap. Or out. 
Huffing at your disappointment, you opened the door to your room, intending to get into more comfortable clothes to do some baking. Honestly. You weren't some school girl with a crush. 
You were an adult with a crush. 
But really, who could blame you? Kyle was as close to perfect as anyone could get - brave, funny, witty, snarky at times. A great guy, really. Anyone would be lucky to have him. 
You walked into the kitchen, humming to yourself as you started pulling out ingredients for baking. You should probably make real food too at some point, but that was a later problem. 
You were just mixing the sugar and butter when you heard footsteps, and turned to watch Gaz settle heavily into one of the two chairs at the tiny table. Your heart sank - he looked awful. Tired. Hurt. 
"Hi," you murmured, holding on to your cheer for the moment. "When did you get home?"
"Couple hours ago." He managed a little smile for you, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Was a last minute thing." 
You nodded, looking back at the dough. "Have you eaten?"
"You don't have to mother me." There was the faintest hint of irritation to his tone. 
You blinked, lips parting in surprise. "Is that what you think I'm doing?" You asked softly, leaving the fork in the bowl to cross over in front of him. You crouched next to him, tipping your head to look up at him. 
He didn't answer, the twist of his lips at once stubborn and regretful. But he wouldn't respond further, you knew from experience. Damn stubborn man. 
"Kyle." You risked resting one hand on his knee, light, easy to dislodge. "I would do this for any friend, and especially one as important to me as you are." You fought past your embarrassment at being so openly emotional, forcing yourself to hold his gaze. "Okay?"
His shoulders relaxed and he blew out a breath. "Okay," he agreed, his hand landing over yours, holding you in place. "I'm sorry." 
"Don't be." You smiled up at him, squeezing his knee gently. "But if you insist, you can make it up to me by helping me eat these cookies." 
He laughed, quiet and much more relaxed. "Well, that sounds horrible," he agreed cheerfully. "Might have to twist my arm, love." 
Your heart clenched at the easy pet name. He'd been calling you that for months now, and you'd convinced yourself it didn't mean anything. "I know," you agreed, matching his amusement. "That's why it's your punishment." 
You stood, and he released you. "Gonna hang out with me while I finish these up?" 
"'Course," he agreed quickly, watching as you got back to the cookie dough. Fortunately it was no worse the wear for having been temporarily abandoned. 
This was easier. You caught him up on everything he'd missed while you finished up the cookie dough. (Your next door neighbors were gone now after a screaming match loud enough the entire floor heard, work was fine but boring, you'd received a wedding invitation for an old friend.) You even tossed him a few chocolate chips just to watch his eyes crinkle as he caught them. 
He didn't tell you where he'd been. He never did. Safer for everyone, he'd told you. (You also had the feeling he wasn't allowed to tell you.) But he did update you on the latest of Soap's shenanigans, and the pranks he'd pulled off. 
By the time he'd caught you up on hiding all of Price's cigars, leaving you in stitches, the oven was beeping at you that the cookies were done. You pulled them out and immediately brandished the spatula at Kyle. 
"Don't even think about it," you warned him. "Five minutes." 
"Would I do such a thing, love?" Kyle held his hands up in surrender, but you knew better. You narrowed your eyes at him. 
"Yes."
He paused and then shrugged, apparently deciding against trying to defend himself. 
"You thinking of going to the wedding?" He asked instead, leaning back in his chair, apparently to show you he wasn't planning mischief. 
"Dunno yet. I need to check on some things first." You bit your lip, tapping your fingers against the counter. 
"Keep me updated, yeah?" He stretched one leg out to nudge your ankle. 
"I will, I will." You rolled your eyes and started plating up cookies. "How long are you home?" 
"Three weeks." He shrugged. "Plenty of time." 
"Excellent." You set the cookies in front of him and sat across from him, letting him take a cookie and watching eagerly for his first bite. 
He groaned softly in appreciation, eyes closing. "Still the best damn cookies," he mumbled through a mouthful of cookie. 
"Flatterer." You smiled, taking a cookie and biting into it. Still warm from the oven. Yum. 
The rest of the evening passed in warmth and laughter and too many cookies. You both migrated to the couch eventually as rain pattered against the windows, turning on something mindless for background noise. 
When Kyle pulled you closer, you didn't object. When you threw your legs over his lap, he didn't object. When he offered a blanket, you made sure you both cuddled up under it together. 
You woke up to your alarm going off, warm and still wrapped up in the blanket and Kyle on the couch. He groaned softly, head lifting as he blinked blearily. 
"Shit, I'm sorry." You tugged at the blanket, hot and embarrassed and far too comfortable. 
"Don't be," he muttered, voice rough with sleep still. The sound made you even warmer, aching just a little. "Need to go?"
"Work," you agreed with a little smile, still embarrassed. 
"Mmkay." He squeezed you gently before helping remove the blanket. You hissed at the cold air on your skin, and he immediately grabbed you again. 
"I wish I didn't have to go." You let the admission fall softly between you two, one hand curling around his arm. 
"You've got tomorrow off, yeah?" He rested his forehead against your temple. 
"All weekend, yeah." 
"Then we'll make a day of it. Anything you wanna do." 
"Okay." You drew in a deep breath. "Okay." You leaned harder into him for a moment. This was just riding the edge of too much, so tempting and so close. 
But you forced yourself to pull away before you could do something foolish, like kiss him. 
Work absolutely dragged, partially because Fridays were always slow, and partially because you were eager to get back home.
Especially because he'd texted you after lunch telling you not to worry about dinner. 
Silly, beautiful man. Probably trying to spoil you. Again. 
Finally, you shut off your computer for the weekend and headed home, not quite bouncing but close. 
Really, nobody could blame you for being so excited to see Kyle. Even though you had three whole weeks (maybe) to enjoy time with him. 
The trip home was both faster and longer than normal - longer because you had something to look forward to, shorter because you were so distracted you didn't notice the passage of time as acutely. 
"I'm home," you called as you opened the door, looking around for any kind of hint as to what he had planned for the two of you. Your shoes went next to his, more neatly this time. 
"How was work?" He didn't emerge from his room, calling to you. Temptation was too strong to resist, his voice the only siren song you cared for. 
"Fine," you answered, padding back towards the bedrooms. You paused in the hallway, looking on his open door to find him in slacks and a button down. His back was to you, giving you a chance to unabashedly stare at the breadth of his shoulders, the obvious strength there. You swallowed hard. "What's the occasion?"
"I'm taking you out." He half-turned to look at you, gaze warm. "If that's alright?"
Your heart thrummed in your chest, pulling towards him. "Of course," you agreed quickly. "Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise." He winked at you. 
You laughed, as you knew you were supposed to, and retreated to your room to change into something to match him. You just had to trust that he wouldn't lead you astray. 
(What a joke. Like you didn't already trust him with every bit of you.) 
Finally ready, you stepped out of your room. Kyle's eyes went wide from his spot on the couch, and his lips parted, just a little. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, getting to his feet. 
"You look… great," he murmured, stepping closer to you. "Gonna tempt me into taking you out all the time." 
You ducked your head a bit, smiling, pleased. "I'll keep that in mind," you murmured, stopping in front of him. 
Kyle held out a hand to you. "Ready?"
"Ready," you agreed, smiling. Your hand fit into his, his skin warm and a little rough against yours. 
The trip was easy, Kyle staying close to you. The restaurant was one you'd normally never go to, nice and more expensive than you'd go for. But Kyle tugged gently at your linked hands before you could protest, leveling those big brown eyes at you like the most effective weapon. You caved without a word, letting him lead you inside. 
The host showed you straight back to a table for two by a window. Kyle even helped you into your seat. 
The two of you chatted easily through ordering drinks and food. (You winced a little at the prices but didn't say anything. Kyle still gave you a smile and quietly encouraged you to order whatever you wanted.) 
"Can I ask what prompted all this?" You leaned forward towards him, watching him carefully. Not only because it was so good to be able to see him after a few months of only the occasional picture, but also because you could usually read his expressions. 
He paused, chewing his lip, not meeting your gaze. "This last mission…" He paused there, momentarily struggling for words. "It ended okay, but… it was close. Too close." 
You slid one hand across the table, palm up, in silent offering. He squeezed your hand with a little smile. 
"Cap pushed me, actually," he continued, a little softer now. "Told me to stop waffling about you." 
"About me?" You blinked, caught off guard. "You talk to them about me?" 
"So much that Soap tells me to shut up," Kyle admitted with a little laugh. 
You smiled. "So, Price nudged you into this?" You prompted gently. 
"Sort of. More like he gave me the little push I needed." Kyle drew in a deep breath, holding your gaze across the table. "Been wanting to take you out for ages." 
"We go out," you tested. Carefully. This was delicate territory, you needed to proceed with caution. 
"Not like this." He bit his lip again before squeezing your hand. "Not like a date." 
Your breath caught in your chest, eyes going wide. "...A date?" You couldn't keep the hopeful note out of your voice if you tried. 
"Yeah." Kyle watched you every bit as carefully as you watched him. 
"I suppose now is a good time to admit I've wanted to ask you on a date for months?" You smiled hopefully, squeezing his hand. 
It was his turn to pause, eyes wide. Then he snorted, ducking his head briefly to hide his grin. "What a pair we are, huh?" 
You laughed quietly, letting go of his hand only so the waiter could put your plates down. "Remind me to buy your captain something nice for nudging you here." 
Kyle grinned, bright and happy and playful. "Solid plan, he'll appreciate you more than he already does." 
You beamed at him. "You really talk about me to them?" 
He nodded, a little abashed. "At least as much as I talk to you about them." 
"That's adorable, Kyle." You grinned at him. 
He huffed but smiled, apparently too happy to be embarrassed. Not that you could blame him - you felt much the same way. 
The two of you ended up playing footsie under the table all through dinner, playfully tapping each other's ankles and trapping feet. Your heart couldn't stop fluttering. 
Kyle insisted on paying, and held your hand all the way home. 
"Any other plans I should know about?" You asked, even as you unlocked the front door.
"Nah." Kyle grinned, right on your heels as you walked in. "Figured I'd leave that up to you." 
"I've got an idea where we can start," you murmured, turning to face him. "Stay still." Before he could ask, you reached up to cup his face in your hands, taking a moment to just look. He really was beautiful. 
And then you kissed him. It was everything you'd ever hoped and more. 
"Excellent idea," Kyle murmured when you finally pulled back, both of you a little out of breath. "I think we should do that more." 
"I agree." You pulled him back in to kiss him again. Hopefully you'd do a lot of that this weekend. 
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willel · 1 year
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I think you’re the one who’s oversimplifying or twisting what people have said about Joyce and Jonathan. You take everything as meaning that people don’t want them to interact, nobody actually says that. It’s an interesting relationship, there are just different opinions on how it should be developed, and how every pov (Jonathan’s, Joyce’s but also the social context) should be taken into account.
See this > https://www.tumblr.com/willel/714855037607837696/the-problem-i-see-is-that-most-ppl-who-are?source=share
I'd also like to point out every time people talk about potential Joyce and Jonathan interactions, all I see is,
"It's not Joyce's fault Jonathan has taken on this responsibility."
"Joyce is a single mother and Jonathan is an adult, he should be able to handle this by himself."
"Joyce has her own problems right now, she shouldn't have to deal with Jonathan's problems too."
Etc etc.
My issue with those kinds of takes is, regardless of how Joyce is feeling or the situation she's in, she IS Jonathan's mother. He's still in high school. She loves him. She's his mom, she's going to do what she can to help him.
Even when she's at her worst, she's clearly done everything possible to keep supporting her children no matter what.
Regardless of how it's done, I think it's nonsensical to suggest Joyce shouldn't have involvement in Jonathan's arc. Or insulating if she does, then that means Jonathan is blaming her or that she's a bad mother or something.
Maybe I'm missing it but I haven't seen anyone who talks about this potential interaction as Jonathan calling her out or condemning her or blaming her for his life. that's exactly opposite of what Jonathan probably feels.
"People don't say that"
But look at this??
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WHO IS CALLING JOYCE A BAD MOM? YOU -different anon- ARE.
It's like people equate this potential situation to Joyce being bad when that is not the point at all and never has been. I just have to ask if you guys have lived in a single parent household, and if you did, did you have a good or bad experience? These are conversations older kids have with their parents.
Depending on the parent, it can be such a positive and relieving experience to go over your life and have your parent validate your experience. I'm not a single parent so I don't know how THEY feel, but when I had this talk with my single mother, she was a little snarky but she was also smiling and even though my mom is not really a touchy feelsy type, she still patted me on the back and thanked me for the things I did. It felt good. It made me appreciate my mom a little more. She seemed to appreciate me a little more (as much as my mom can that is, lol). I totally get that sometimes single parent households are WAY worse. Maybe you experienced something worse than me. Maybe your parents lashed out at you instead of appreciating you and there were no hugs had. I'm sorry about that, but that's not how every single parent household concludes.
Just because some people are speculating what this could look like from Jonathan's perspective does not mean Joyce is a bad mother. It doesn't mean Jonathan hates her (he freakin loves her dude, that's part of the reason why he's in the situation in the first place). So why would anyone say, "Well, since you want a moment where Jonathan opens up to her, we Joyce "fans" are gonna turn against him."
That is some bonkers shit right there.
A moment where Joyce and Jonathan can come together and talk about things can only happen because Joyce is a good mother who would notice her son's distress and be able to listen to him when he has something to say.
Regardless of how they write season 5, this is the person Joyce is. She loves her boys. She notices when her boys are going through something. She will protect and comfort her boys no matter what. That's Joyce's character. If you're her family, she'd go to the Upside Down/Russia and back just to save you even if it's from yourself.
And in return, absolutely everyone in her family would do the same for her.
We want a redo/expansion of this moment posted below. Is this moment bad to you? Is this the worse possible outcome in your eyes? Does it destroy Joyce's character? Is the interaction something to be scared of? Does this moment make Joyce a bad mom? Does this make Jonathan a bad son? Is this moment only from Jonathan's perspective????
What is so terrible about wanting something like this again? Please tell me because I do not get it. This moment makes Joyce an awesome and caring mom and character among all the other stuff that makes her character whole. I and others just want to see more of it among the other things Joyce will be involved in.
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ask-sam-and-crew · 2 years
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Chapter 20: Get the map (1)
rambling about how stupid and reckless it was from Grewnge that he shot them. He wasn't really worried about the map tho. He was more worried about Jim and the two adults with him. "What now?", asked Sam after he finished. "Don't worry about it, pup.", assured Silver and put his arm around Sammy's shoulder to keep his balance. "We'll get it back." Sam nodded and supported Silver who sat down on the stairs. "Want me to fix it?", questioned the teen and pointed on the robotic leg. "No. We don't have time for this. Let's go." The pirate stood up way to fast again and told Scroop to guard the ship. The rest took the second longboat and made their way down to the planet. They flew around for a while, Silver in the front with Sam next to him. The cyborg held the youngest secure because Sam tended to lean over the edge way to far than he was supposed to. "Silver. There's the longboat...or what's left of it.", told Sam his captain and pointed to the clearing where the others crashed, almost falling if it weren't for Silver and Turnbuckle. "Be more careful, pup...", said Silver worried. "I can't lose ya too." Sam dropped his ears at the thought of his friends falling out of the Legacy. They landed in the forest and looked around. "There was a clearing, Captain.", said Onus and pointed in the direction. Sam nodded and the cyborg told everyone to come and check it out. They left the forest and saw a big weird thing on top of a hill. Sam took his pistol out and pushed himself against a stone. "Hey. Look!", yelled a robotic voice. 'What the hell...' "There's some more of your buddies!" Sam looked over the rock and saw a robot jumping around in the ship-like thing. "Hey fellas! We're over here, fellas!", shouted the robot only for the others to start shooting, Sammy did the same. "Stop wastin' your fire!", yelled Silver and told them to go back to the longboat. He made a white flag and swung it to show that he didn't want to harm them. "Hello up there!" The teen looked over and spotted Jim. "Jimbo? If it's all right with the captain I'd like a short word with ya.", he smiled. "No tricks. Just a little palaver. Sam will be there with me too!", the cyborg finished. Jim left their sight for a second before climbing out of their hideout. Silver and his youngest climbed up a bit and saw Morph who flew over to them, rubbing against their cheeks. "Ah, Morphy! I wondered where ya was off to.", laughed Silver. "Thank heavens you're ok.", sighed Sam and looked at Jim. "Both of you of course.", he smiled but earned a frown from his friend. "You are one of them...you were the whole fucking time?!", he said angry. Sam took a step forward while Jim took one back. "Listen...I'm sorry ba-" "I don't want your damn apology!", the 15 year old snapped. "Now boys...let's calm down.", said Silver and sat down, rubbing his robotic leg. "Oh, this poor old leg is downright snarky...", he chuckled. "Since that game attack we had in the galley." The pirate captain sighed and looked down after seeing Jim's angry look. "Whatever you heard back there...at least the part concerning you...", he said and thought about his next words. "I didn't mean a word of it. Had that bloodthirsty lot thought I'd gone soft.", he continued and gestured with his hands on his stomach. "...they'd have gutted us both. Maybe the pup too. I know the two of ya are friends after all.", said the older and pointed at Sammy.
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songmingisthighs · 3 years
Text
Hooked
introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii
ch. lxiv - cowards
<< previous | masterlist | next >>
??? × reader, ateez × reader
A freshman hookup rekindled into something new. With an incentive, of course. But what would happen if your 'relationship' led you somewhere you never thought would happen to you ?
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After sending the last text, Mingi and Jongho didn't waste time and immediately rush to (Y/N)'s room. When they arrived, the door was ajar with Seonghwa standing inside. He was staring blankly around, seemingly confused.
"Hyung, have you been here?" Jongho asked, breaking Seonghwa's trance.
"Y-yeah, I did- she left? Just like that ??" Seonghwa asked, still not believing anything that just happened.
Maybe it was Seonghwa's guilt. The fact that his last interaction with you was him accusing you of being a whore didn't sit right with him. There was a lump in his throat and a heavy feeling on his chest. It felt like he was suffocating.
The three of them stood silently, not knowing what to answer.
As they stood silently, the other boys walked in one by one. Wooyoung walked in first with San in tow, they both immediately took note of the silence and just stared at each other with guilt.
One by one everyone else filled the room, staring blankly at the emptiness and letting sorrow and regret fill them.
"S-so that's it? She left us yet AGAIN after having just came back last night?" Hongjoong asked in disbelief. There was no malice in his tone, there were no ill intentions. He was shocked, surprised at the sudden tension.
Mingi turned to look at the eldest with much disdain, "After what happened to her last night, could you really give her blame?"
inking that Hongjoong felt wronged, as he thought his assumption was justified. To be singled out as such was a little bit too much. "Are you trying to be a hero here?" he asked the taller guy. Mingi scoffed at him, "Hero? You think I have some sort of a complex?" "I don't know, do you? I don't think it's a hero complex, but there must be some sort of a messed up complex in you. Because you've been all over the place and overreacting, acting like a mess when you can't find (Y/N) and yet not saying anything when she was here, letting Yeosang ran his mouth at her, driving her off,"
At the mention of his name, Yeosang spoke up from the corner of the room. "I drove her off? Are you fucking serious?" to which San, who was by his side scoffed, "Weren't you the one who verbally attacked her last night? Calling her out on leaving without any explanation was one thing, but to call her a wandering tramp?" "Okay, I was looking out for all of us. YOU especially, San! You don't know how much it affected me seeing you all broken down and you even fell into depression! As your friend, I was fucking worried!" Yeosang defended himself.
Wooyoung chimed in, scoffing at his long-time friend, "Looking out for us? From what? From who? The woman we love? If you wanna go off on her, that's one hundred percent your choice, but don't use us as your excuse. That's just pathetic, man," he told Yeosang whilst glaring at him.
Seonghwa got in between the two, preventing them both from going at it even further. "Okay, enough with you two, you both can't be fighting during this time. Yeosang might've said some... unnecessary things to (Y/N) last night, but things aren't completely his fault," he reasoned.
Surprisingly, Yunho chimed in, smirking at the older man, "You got that right," he muttered. Yunho's voice was intentionally loud enough for everyone to hear, but still low enough for it to seem snarky.
At his chime, Seonghwa furrowed his eyebrows at Yunho, "what's that supposed to mean?" Yunho stepped to Seonghwa while tilting his head as if challenging him, "Don't play dumb, hyung, I heard you last night. Here, you mentioned Yeosang calling (Y/N) names when you basically called her the same thing,"
Whilst the others were left confused, Seonghwa visibly froze. His demeanour changed to a nervous one.
"Yunho, what the fuck are you talking about?" Hongjoong asked.
Yunho looked to the side at Hongjoong casually, "I walked by when I was about to get water last night when I heard yelling from inside her room. Whatever they were talking about, I heard Seonghwa hyung yelling something about (Y/N) staying with guys other than her cousin. The implication was bad, I even heard (Y/N) crying,"
All eyes suddenly shifted to Seonghwa. "Hyung, you made her cry?" San asked, not able to completely believe that Seonghwa was capable of doing that to (Y/N).
Tension rose in the room and suddenly everyone was arguing with each other. All but Jongho who stayed by the sideline, watching the whole thing unfold between his older friends with disappointment in his eyes.
"What happened?" you asked him, appearing by his side out of nowhere.
Jongho sighed before crossing his arms, "They're blaming each other because you left again," he muttered. You frowned and furrowed your eyebrows, "But, I haven't left yet?"
At that, Jongho finally looked at you properly. His eyes widened as wide as they could go, "Oh, hey! You're still here!" He exclaimed loudly, capturing the attention of everyone who was bickering inside.
You stared at them weirdly, "Yeah? Why is that so surprising?"
Mingi stepped out towards you slowly, his hands reached out to grab yours in his softly, "W-we thought you had really left again," he told you, his voice broke from how glad he was.
But that relieved feeling was soon crushed when he heard your answer.
"Well, now I am. I was making sure of something and waiting for Haknyeon to come to pick me up. Since he's here now, I'm... Gonna go," you smiled at them gently. Despite that, there were clear indications that the smile you wore was one of a broken heart.
Seonghwa couldn't help but let his words slip without thinking properly, "You're going back with him and his friends?" to which Yunho immediately nudged him hard on his stomach.
You turn to look at Seonghwa directly. You shook your head at him before answering, "No, I'm not going back to his apartment. Wouldn't be right for me and wouldn't be fair to him. He's just escorting me to my old dorm where I will be staying," you told him. Seonghwa immediately gulped after hearing your answer. He felt bad for jumping to that conclusion, especially after you told him where you were going.
At this point, San had tears brimming in his eyes, blurring his vision, "Wh-why are you going again, (Y/N)? You just got back," he asked as he walked closer to you.
Seeing his tears, you couldn't help but get emotional as well. you let one hand off of Mingi's grasp to cup San's cheek, rubbing it gently with your thumb, "I just have to, Sannie, I'm sorry. I... Just came back up here to tell Mingi and Jongho directly that I'm gonna go now,"
Wooyoung pushed people away to charge directly at you, "Only Mingi and Jongho? That's it? The rest of us didn't even deserve your goodbyes?" there was no resentment in his voice, you noticed. His eyes, however, showed much sorrow.
You sighed and shrugged at him, "With how things went last night, I don't even know if you all wanted to see me again, that's why I tried making my escape as quickly and silently as possible,"
Hongjoong suddenly spoke up, "See, I don't think you wanna leave at all, because if you do, you wouldn't tell us at all and just leave,"
The way he said it set something off in you. Your previous calm demeanour switched within mere milliseconds as you answered Hongjoong bitterly, "of course I don't wanna leave. You think this is easy on me?"
Without realizing it, you slipped your hands off of Mingi's grasp and San's cheek. The others who were in the way moved to the side to let you face Hongjoong directly, slightly afraid of you, "You really think that I came back here just to leave the next day? If so, then not only that you're dead wrong, but you're also an asshole. Every single one of you is acting like I've only been playing around with you all, going back and forth as I please because I don't know what I want. You don't even know why I left. Maybe most of it was because I didn't tell you guys, but part of it was because neither of you even gave me the chance to even explain last night. All of you just turned your backs on me and walked away," you laughed bitterly.
Your words struck them deep. Because they were all true. You might have been the one who started the fight, but they were the ones who delivered the final blow. Not to mention they're male adults who should've been able to communicate and made better decisions. Lastly, there were eight of them and one of you, how was that fair?
The silence and the expression on their faces said a lot, you realized if you were to tell them everything, that was your chance.
So you took a deep breath and spilt everything to them.
You told them about the threat Sunhee gave you, the proof they had, and how they planned on ruining their futures. You told them about how you felt like you didn't have any choice and how you didn't want to make things worse so you just listen to them until you were able to think of something, you wanted to protect them. You also told them how paranoid they made you and how you almost went crazy from worrying over them whilst having to be worried over what those crazy bitches might do.
When you finished talking, you realized that the boys had had tears streaming down their faces. You could see their resolves wilting away and being replaced by regret and shame.
Without even saying anything, Wooyoung pulled you into his arms tightly. He cried, saying how sorry he was for how he acted last night and how he should've trusted you more. Yunho and San wrapped their arms around you too, despite the tears streaming down, they managed to utter how sorry they were for not doing anything. Soon, Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Mingi, and Jongho attached themselves to the growing group hug as well, wordlessly showing their remorse. Despite their lack of words, you understood them just fine.
At that moment, you felt safe, you felt relieved that you were finally able to tell them everything. Things finally seem like they will go back to normal.
Maybe except for one thing.
You lifted your face from where it was nestled in the crook of Wooyoung's neck to meet eyes with the one person who was still rooted in his position.
Yeosang immediately looked away, an attempt you assume was to cover up his own tears.
Though heartbroken that he seemed to still resent you, you took the current win and let yourself bask in the warmth the guys were giving you.
You promised yourself then and there that you wouldn't act so carelessly anymore.
At least not without letting them know.
taglist :
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megthemewlingquim · 3 years
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someone new.
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summary: there's an art to life's distractions.
pairing: eventual hades! loki x persephone! reader
warnings: implied smut, alcohol consumption
a/n: here it is, the first part of foreigner's god. as said in this fic's masterlist, these will not be chapters, but rather short stories and one shots that can be read separately or as one whole piece. it's up to you.
i plan to base each part off of one or two hozier songs. this is inspired by "someone new".
is there a right way to fall in love?
    that’s what loki asks himself every day — well, every night — when he spends his free time at bars and gatherings. populated widely with fellow gods, goddesses, and spirits of many colors and passions; these bars are perfect places to find someone new.
    being the god of death, however, puts loki at a bit of a disadvantage. yes, the stereotypes are, unfortunately, true. loki is dark, a little antisocial, and very quiet. beautiful in appearance — death is seductive, at least to the willing.
    ‘the willing’ being many a spirit, many a dryad or goddess or creature who wants bragging rights, or a little nightly thrill. ‘that’s right,’ they say, ‘i had a little dance with death last night.’
loki doesn’t mind the mornings when his temporary partners talk about the nights, but he always cringes when they mention that accursed french phrase — la petite mort. it’s a joke to them. a mockery.
   yet, they stay, and sometimes, they come back for another little death.
    the spirits and goddesses never make a big impact on him. he is with one for a night, then another for a night, and so on. he falls in love every day with someone new and it’s a bore. a bore and a drag.
    dark caresses don’t do much to numb the pain: the pain of loneliness and solitude. the ache in his heart is constant, tearing at his mind whenever it can. alcohol can't do much either — all gods have a very high tolerance. mead was made for them.
   so loki is left with no escape besides those that come from the willing. little deaths. they make him feel loved.
   no...
   no one loves death. some crave him. but they don't love him.
   that’s the common theme running through loki’s head every time he takes someone home with him, or goes upstairs with them to the top floors of the inns he’s at, where the bedrooms are. it’s a distraction.
   however, the cycle ends when, while pointlessly wandering around his usual bar, he sees someone new one night. you.
   you radiate this... this warmth that he’s never felt before. everyone around you seems to be affected by it too - they don’t treat you as the life of the party, but they do gravitate towards you like birds to a nest. 
    and you’re quite shy, but infectiously happy and cheerful. you’re so beautiful, with your bright eyes that he knows are wide and filled with wonder, and your lovely skin that he knows is so soft. and your smile that he knows is so comforting to all who see it.
   to everyone else, you feel like they’ve just wandered into a happy memory, or a sun-lit room that’s pleasantly warm and golden. you feel familiar. ordinary, but lovely all the same.
   to loki, you feel... feel like something he’s only experienced in dreams. so, really, he’s never felt it before in his immortal life: something warm and alive and... and anticipatory. like there’s new things about to come up to the surface — flowers, new animals, maybe. you give off a sense of... he can’t describe it well. a slow and joyful awakening something.
   and you also feel completely and utterly powerful. unstoppable. he’s terrified of you, and yet he’s drawn to you. you’re so fascinating, strange. not as if you could end the world, no, that’s his own job. but it’s as if you can bring the whole world to life, raise it back up again after the chaos fades.
   you feel like spring. like rebirth. like new life.
   and that’s when it hits him.
   persephone. he’s heard the name passed around before, but before now, he has never seen the face behind the name. something about this sparks some fear in him: how would persephone, goddess of spring, daughter of demeter, react to seeing anyone even remotely like himself?
   for a moment, he’s grateful that you’re not looking at him; you’re actually looking at the table, at the drink you’re sipping. there’s a look on your face that isn’t bored, nor afraid. maybe... observant.
   people are around you still. not crowding, but not interacting with you either. it’s like you have a bubble around you, keeping everyone from getting too close. maybe it’s your doing but maybe it’s theirs. honestly, you’d think that dryads and gods and goddesses and spirits of all forms and colors and subjects would be more accepting.
   he pities you. you seem lonely.
   loki takes a few steps forward, betraying his own fear. like the red sea, the crowd parts. some are bold and unafraid, and they give loki varying looks: disgusted, seductive, snarky. you don’t notice him until he sits down in front of you, at the other end of the table.
   “hi,” he says calmly. he manages a small smile. “you’re new here, aren’t you?”
   your eyes lift to lock with his own. immediately, you recoil just the slightest bit. he knows what you’re thinking: wait, that’s hades! god of death... wh-why is he talking to me?
   “it’s alright,” he soothes. “don’t worry. you’ve probably heard of all the stories: gods kidnapping and doing terrible things to goddesses and spirits and dryads. i’m not here to do any of that. i promise.”
   with a single, somewhat confused blink, you nod. “m-my mother has told me a lot about that stuff,” you say slowly, as if saying anything too revealing will somehow alert demeter and get you in trouble. “she’s... she’s terrified...”
   “what is she terrified of? that those terrible things might happen to you?”
   “yes,” you say. “she’s told me that she’s had nightmares in the past. specifically about you. how you’ll kidnap me and take me to hell to live with you.”
   he laughs at that - a rich, amused laugh that takes the shivers out of you. “that’s bullshit. overprotective mothers, yeah?”
   you shrug. “she loves me.”
   “and are you afraid of me, princess?” the last word is whispered. his voice extremely soft - it’s a curious question.
   he notices how you lick your lips. “no,” you say. he notices how your eyes flick all over him. “no, i’m not.” and you seem truthful.
   “smart girl,” he says with a grin. “i hate liars. there’s not a god on in the world that’s ever been truthful. well, besides jesus. yahweh. whatever you wanna call him.” loki leans back, crossing his hands behind his head and bringing his feet up to the table. “your father, though... he’s the worst of ‘em. having children with other women, including your mother, while hera has to sit by and watch, and then lying about it.”
   “we’re gods,” you say. “i'm not trying to justify things but... we’re far from perfect.”
   “damn right we are. we’re fucked up. good. we can agree on something. most days, people think us gods are... perfect things. role models. and, maybe some are. but not us. not the gods of olympus.”
   he pauses, takes a swig from a beer bottle that was not in his hand a few seconds ago. “i was wondering if you wanted to do what humans do.” loki winces at the awkwardness. “when they're... y'know. interested in someone.”
   “you're interested... in me?” you ask, incredulously.
   “yeah, i am.” one sip of beer has loosened his tongue. or maybe that's just his confidence soaring now. “maybe this hasn't been the best introduction to things but i would love to take you out sometime. show you things.”
   “my —” you swallow. “i'd get in trouble.” you shrink away just a bit.
   his smile fades and it's replaced with a sadder, more sincere look. “the best things in life have risk to them. it's time i show you that.”
   and really, he does feel sorry for you. it's your first time at a bar, you're lonely. no friends as far as he can tell. an overprotective goddess mother.
   “think of it this way. i think you're very pretty and i like your honesty. i would like to help you see the world, and to have a little fun, since your mother has obviously never let you do anything in your very, very long life.”
   “i'm twenty—one.”
   “and now i'm wondering if demeter actually has you tell people that, as if you're a teenage mortal.” loki shakes his head, disappointed. “that's pathetic. you're a bajillion years old. you're a goddess! you should be able to do whatever the fuck you want, right?”
   when there's no answer from you, he sighs. leans forward to sit normally, putting both of his elbows on the table and pointing his hands at you. “alright. i'll roll with it for now. you're twenty—one. i guess. you can drink. you can go out alone to bars and other places. you can meet new people. you're an adult. think about that.
   “so, again. i think you're very pretty and i wanna show you around. get to know you. would you like to do that with me?” he raises his eyebrows a little, waiting for a response.
   it's an eternity before you can win a battle in your mind. slowly, you nod, giving him a smile. “yeah,” you whisper. “yeah, i would. thank you.”
   “don't thank me just yet, sweetheart. i haven't shown you anything yet.” he gets up, pushes his chair in.
   before he leaves, he winks at you. “call me loki. it's... not as dreadful... as hades. and... what do i call you?”
   you say your name, your voice quiet.
   “much better than persephone, i think. it suits you. we'll keep in touch, ok?”
   “okay,” you say. butterflies are flying rapidly in your stomach.
   loki leaves you there. he'd much rather take you back to your home himself, but that would be too risky for the time being. for now, he walks out of that bar feeling like the king of the world.
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etheriadearie · 3 years
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“Promise”
Why can't you just… Promise ?
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Today's goal is an in-depth look at one of the most beautiful and breathtaking episodes of She-ra: "Promise"
Storywise, it's incredibly important to the series, and focuses entirely on Catradora. It's the first time since Adora left Catra behind to seek out the sword that the girls really have an opportunity to talk, and things are not going well. Both of them are royally pissed off at the other, with good reason.
For Adora, we're gonna deflate that proud hair poof of hers a bit, as we'll take an honest look at her as a person at this point in her life. And Catra... she's really guarding her feelings closely, as she's already deeply angry with Adora. But we will use the combination of Catra's younger self in the memories they see, plus looking at other times in the series that relate to this episode, where she was less guarded, in order to understand her as a person at this time. Also: warning: tl;dr, best enjoyed while cozy with a drink..
To get started, we skip to when they end up stuck together…
After Adora takes drastic measures to ward off the security spiders by collapsing the tunnel, the girls are now stuck together, and so… they talk...
We immediately see how incredibly irritated they are with each other as Adora chides Catra for being in the Crystal Castle, since the monsters will continue to attack them as long as she's protecting Catra… only to have Catra retort that she didn't ask for protection. Some snippy bickering back and forth happens, then...
Adora asks: "Does Shadow Weaver know you're here?" Very deadpan assertion from Adora. She knows Catra must be disobeying orders, she just doesn't know why.
"I'd say Shadow Weaver has bigger problems right now". Catra is already starting her move against SW back at the Horde. With SW abusively blocking her every move within the Horde, and now that Catra knows that SW was going to mind wipe Adora, Catra has decided she must deal with her abuser.
Adora puts on her telltale sideways grin, and Catra chafes at Adora's flirtation, saying "I told you it's not because I like you” downplaying Adora’s suggestion that this was the reason she let her go. Catra freely admits here that she does like Adora, but it's not the real reason she did it. Still, Catra doesn't explain further, and we see later that Catra often lets Adora explain away her actions this way... but that Adora constantly misses the deeper truths.
"Where are your new best friends? I thought you did everything together". She's very snarky and dismissive of Adora and her flirting. She's mad about Adora leaving her for her new life.
"The ones you let SW imprison and curse?" Adora is angry at Catra for what she did, which was a sudden escalation of things by Catra.
"Yeah obviously, what other friends would I be talking about?" An obvious dig at Adora for leaving her, everything behind. She deadpans this, staring back plainly. Catra is obviously really angry at Adora... while Adora is legitimately mad at Catra for doing something so nasty to Bow and Glimmer...
::Let's take a moment to talk about Catra's feelings about Adora's new friends: Catra feels horribly betrayed by this. Adora completely tossed her aside, and replaced her with Bow and Glimmer. What comes to mind is at the end of Sea Gate, Catra is thrown in the water and then looks up at Adora, who is celebrating and cuddling with Bow and Glimmer. Catra is emotionally forlorn watching this, as Scorpia comes to drag her off to safety, Adora doesn't even look back towards her.
She's forgotten, Adora showed no love towards her at all in that scene (and then hardly any at Princess Prom, either). Adora ignored her plea for her to return, she didn't reach out to Catra at all. And now she watches her cuddle with her new friends: everything Catra thought she had with Adora meant nothing, and she's been replaced with these feel goodie goods who are fawning all over Adora.
Suffice to say, Catra couldn't do this, she's got way too many issues with emotional intimacy and touch aversion. So she watches Adora, seeing that what she offered her wasn't good enough, knowing because of it she's forgotten. Catra was trying really hard to be a close friend to Adora in spite of her issues, but as we will see, Adora wasn't trying to understand what was going on with Catra. And because of this, Catra was too afraid to express her affection openly, and yet here's Adora... accepting all of Bow and Glimmer’s love, for which Adora really did nothing to earn. Adora took Catra’s friendship for granted while ignoring her deeper needs, as will be explained, then completely abandons her, not even seeming to miss her. Catra is deeply hurt by the unfairness of this.
>Catra stares back at Adora, frustrated when she doesn't even acknowledge their lost friendship.
"Well, we don't need to go together. You do your weird little magic quest thing I'll find my own way out". Catra looks resentfully at the sword on Adora's back as she says this. Catra is laying down boundaries, except it's useless since they are trapped together. But, boundaries are important to Catra and as the episode progresses, Adora shows that she doesn't really understand Catra's.
>As they walk along, both girls' shadows loom equally tall. The symbolism is that in this story, both are equally important... it's also a shockingly beautiful sequence. (pic above)
After entering the room of infinite darkness, Catra tries to separate from Adora but the door is gone, they are stuck together. Weird things start happening. As the Fright Zone appears, both of them are confused. Adora decides to suspect Catra, after all, she attacked her friends. But as Adora grabs Catra, Catra is surprised and confused... Catra doesn't like being touched unexpectedly, Adora knows this but is ignoring that and attacking her. She gets treated as an enemy when she clearly hasn't done anything wrong, and it sets the tone for the two of them: Adora has constantly treated Catra as an enemy since the very moment she defected, not even trying to understand Catra's point of view. And so Catra increasingly emotionally distances herself from Adora. Catra angrily casts Adora's arm aside, not liking being vilified by her, and Adora doesn't understand why Catra is so upset. Catra slips away to explore, needing space from her.
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The way Adora immediately suspects and then attacks Catra is symbolic to the whole episode: by defecting to the Rebellion, Adora chose to start treating Catra, and her entire unit, as enemies, backing it up with hostility. But Catra doesn't really agree that the horde is evil... in her experience, it's just how life is.
>The two girls, now separated, call out to each other. Adora hears Catra's call, then another: young Catra is behind her, looking lost and insecure. Catra joins Adora as their first memory has just begun…
~DISCLAIMER TIME~ A lot of information in She-ra is inferred by emotional context, so if this seems a bit head-canon-y, I assure you, I have data! Please ask questions and seek clarifications, I promise to answer back! ~EtheriaDearie
>A worried and hurt young Catra runs to young Adora's side. She is emotional and needs support. Adora checks her out then gets the real deal: Catra was in a fight with an adult. It hints that Catra always had to deal with people messing with her, even before SW began her abuse. This is a guess, but it's probable: this is likely a happy memory of the two of them right before the hurting began. Along with the "promise" memory and the moments immediately preceding their entering the Black Garnet chamber, these scenes set the baseline for what their friendship was like before Catra suffered SW’s abuse. Also, this memory is a happy one, and how Adora remembers their friendship: it was likely triggered by her memories. The next ones are not, as I believe they are triggered by Catra, who is trying to explain to Adora what was so painful about their childhood...
>Catra doesn't know what to expect when she shows Octavia to Adora. She probably expects Adora to try to apologize on her behalf, or to give her a hard time about what she did. Instead, Adora sticks with her friend and yells “Hey Octavia, you're a dumbface." This brings young Catra much joy, Adora is sticking with her, not passing judgement. The two young girls run together hand in hand, experiencing childhood bliss, but it doesn't last. The present versions of themselves return, holding hands...
They share a brief moment of connection before Catra pulls her hand away in anger. Adora is surprised at the strength of Catra’s reaction. They are not on intimate terms any more, in fact, I suspect they had been struggling for a while before Adora's defection. Adora doesn't want the moment to stop, but Catra does. It hints that the gulf between them is already wide.
"How can you deal with all this magic stuff?" Catra has a deep distrust of magic, as it was used in her abuse. She resents it, and throughout the series whenever anything magic happens that she doesn't see coming she gets creeped out.
"I'm only dealing with it because I need to figure out how to heal Glimmer after someone got her cursed." It's a valid criticism, but Catra deflects it.
"What do you want? An apology? You're not getting one." We don't get the full story on this moment until season 5 when a young Catra tells Adora she'll "never say sorry to anybody, ever." Adora doesn't like Catra just refusing to explain, and as Catra pushes her away, Catra is full of reproach at Adora's judgement.
::As an abused child, Catra was continuously vilified and abused by everyone but Adora. And when Adora would suggest she apologize throughout their lives, she can't understand why Catra won't. It comes down to literally everyone in the world judging Catra and being cruel. Not once did any of them apologize to her, even though she didn't do anything to deserve the abuse. Except Adora... but that has issues, too. In fact, SW literally tells her "I won't apologize" regarding her abuse of Catra. Can you imagine the hurt at that?
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[pic caption: Catra refuses to apologize, Catra often shows her deeper emotions while blinking, in this case: the incredible pain she experienced from SW’s abuse.]
So no, Catra won't apologize, she had a thing she was trying to do by kidnapping Bow and Glimmer and taking her sword, and it ended badly. But she felt she had a good reason to do it: she wanted to force Adora to see her, to make her acknowledge how big of a part of Adora’s life Catra used to be. And it's not like anyone has been helping Catra, she's had to make every single decision on her own her entire life and live with the consequences.
Also, mistakes for Catra have an entirely different meaning than they do for Adora. Whenever Adora made a mistake, she was given an opportunity to fix it. This is a theme of their relationship: Adora expects Catra to let her fix her mistakes. But for Catra, she learned that any mistake she made was dangerous, as when she did make a mistake, SW would torture her for it. And if other people saw it too, they'd use it to perpetuate the notion that she's some kind of no good fuck up. So Catra is extremely careful to not make mistakes, and if she does, she tries to cover it up, distance herself from it. (note: this isn't the same as Catra's intentional rebellions against this system where she was unfairly targeted for abuse-). This is why Catra simply cannot forgive Adora easily for breaking her promise: in Catra's world, she had to be perfect, or she could have been dead by SW's hand. She wasn't allowed to make mistakes like Adora is, she is what is clinically known as 'hyper vigilant' and always preparing for the worst. And so she applies this standard to be perfect all the time to Adora, and therefore she won't give Adora the same license to make mistakes with their friendship. Catra thinks Adora should know better, and see the consequences of her actions.
>Adora lets it go: when Catra seems to shut down, Adora does her best to try to accept her. Adora tries a different track. She asks Catra why she let her and Glimmer go when SW had them imprisoned, when it could have resulted in Catra getting in trouble. Catra walks ahead, trying to distance herself from having to answer. But the magic of the Crystal Castle intervenes: as Adora slips and begins to fall, Catra saves her. It's a symbolic moment: Catra has always tried to protect Adora, to save her from pain. It's why she changed course to give the sword back to her, partly.
"Did you really think I'd just let SW erase your memory like that?"
"I don't know. Probably." Adora shows such little understanding of their friendship. It shows Adora really is thinking of Catra as an enemy, not as the complicated person stuck between protecting her friend, and the cruel necessities of her life.
Catra looks at Adora with disappointment. "Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me." Adora tries to understand Catra's emotions, fails.
"Huh, can you blame me?" Ouch. Adora smiles at Catra, trying to show love for her roguish quirks. But it just shows how little Adora understands: she is repeating a negative stereotype of Catra that everyone in their old life believes and perpetuates. And Adora should know better, instead of just assuming the worst about her. That persona is one which Catra uses to protect herself, partly from her own emotional feelings, but also as a necessity to protect herself from SW. She had to act like she doesn't care, doesn't try, so SW wouldn't see her power.
"Psh, not really." As Catra turns away, again she deadpans this but you can see pain and disappointment leaking past her indifference.
As she walks away she trails her tail across Adora's hand, flirting and drawing Adora's attention to her butt. It's a cute little moment of telling a truth to counter the lie: 'Adora, you should know me better, and also, I like you.' Still, it's only a half truth: Catra couldn't let SW win because SW is Catra's true enemy. But, Adora takes the flirtatious hint, as always. She accepts it and doesn't dig deeper.
Catra asks Adora about their childhood, trying to understand how Adora could just throw it all away. Adora gives a very direct and impassioned speech, she looks Catra in the eyes, trying to convince her and make her understand why leaving was the right thing to do. Catra hides her emotions, weighing Adora's answer. She doesn't agree with her sentiment, in Catra's experience good and evil are relative and exist as such everywhere. Also, she's right: we meet many people in the Horde who aren't evil. And Adora's finding the sword is one giant sinister manipulation by Light Hope. Moral grayness is a constant theme in this show. Still, this isn't really why Catra chooses to stay with the Horde.
Adora sees her explanation failing to convince Catra, so she tries reminding Catra of their deeper friendship, telling her she misses her too. Catra is temporarily taken aback at being called out before remembering to deny it. She tells Adora to get over herself, and Adora tells her she won't stop until Catra says she likes her. They flirtatiously rough house, and Catra smiles during it: yeah, she does. But she denies it anyways.
::Adora often tries to be respectful of Catra's personal space but is making an exception here: she's telling her that she finds her desirable, and if Catra wanted it, they could be together. Adora can't understand why Catra feels the need to resist this, but she knows doing it helps her friend feel wanted. Still, this shows how casually Adora views their attraction.
Yes, they should be together. And actually, they had an unspoken agreement that they would be. But Catra's not going to open herself up to that just to serve her desire. She wants more from Adora, for Adora to show her that she really does see her, and cares about her. If she did, maybe Catra could open up about some of her pain. Being intimate without doing that would be impossible, and so far Catra's life still isn't safe enough to risk her feelings. Adora's promotion could have meant the beginning of something new between them, where they worked together to build a more secure future together where Catra didn't have to be fearful all the time. But instead, Adora left her.
So begins the second memory. The two girls, now teenagers, compete against each other in sparring. It's clear they are flirting, and neither is fighting all out. When Catra taunts Adora by putting her finger to her forehead, she shows how much better she is at fighting. She full heartedly laughs, Adora enjoys this and then throws a purposefully weak strike to restart the fight. When Adora seemingly turns the tables through brute force, Catra plays hurt to exploit Adora's naiveness. As Adora tries to show concern, Catra turns the tables back. She wants to teach Adora a lesson: that not everyone will play fair, as Catra knows all too well from SW's abuse. But Lonnie interrupts her. Catra doesn't appreciate this and makes quick work of Lonnie, showing just how good she is. Adora attacks, getting the predetermined win. Catra doesn't enjoy the beat down but accepts Adora's help up. She heads to Lonnie as Adora receives compliments from their commander.
As Catra confronts Lonnie, she tells Catra "you were playing dirty, I was just leveling the field". Catra will hear these words again when she leaves Adora behind in frustration near the end of the episode. They are significant: these are stereotypical views forced on Catra, and those views ignore that Catra was just doing something she felt was important: teaching Adora about the harsh realities that exist in the world. Real enemies don't play by the rules, and will be unpredictable.
As Catra’s anger rises at this, Adora puts her hand on Catra's shoulder to calm her down, then compliments Catra on her fighting skills. Catra ever so casually tosses the comforting hand aside. She's saying 'I can handle my emotions without your help, but thanks for asking.' As she tells Adora she let her win, Adora tries to tell if Catra really is ok.
Thus starts one of cutest exchanges between the two of them: as Catra tries to explain why she lets Adora win, Adora puts on her sideways 'you like me' grin while she playfully denies that Catra let her win. Catra gives a very animated and obviously made up explanation about not wanting to have people expect things from her. Adora grins along, and halfway through her lie Catra leans in, staring at Adora's lips before looking up into her eyes. Once again, Catra is undoing a lie by telling a truth: she let her win because she likes (loves) her. But it's only a half truth, once again...
Adora accepts the explanation, keeping her sideways grin: 'it's so cute how you like me'. Catra's explanation done, Adora moves on, wanting to catch up with their unit. Catra lets her do so while excusing herself. As Adora leaves, a huge amount of meaningful information passes across Catra's face…
First, Catra feels bad about having to lie to Adora, and it shows. Then, as Adora leaves to socialize, disappointment and rejection shows: Catra had hoped Adora might look deeper, and try to see the deeper truth. As Adora turns away and leaves we see a look of total love and adoration on Catra's face. She really, really loves Adora. She's the light of her life, a real idiot no doubt but Catra will always love her for exactly who she is.
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The girls remain their younger selves as the rest of the memory plays out, Adora staying to accept praise while Catra separates to deal with her internal feelings which Adora always fails to see: the hurt and aloneness she feels.
>A frustrated young Catra cries, expressing her repressed emotions. It would be easiest to assume she cries because she's sad about losing, but we have to look ahead to the next memory to find the real truth.
Catra is sad because she never had a choice. SW took that choice from her, and while Catra is happy to let Adora win because of the love she feels for her, it hurts that she never really got to decide. And Adora doesn't see that, doesn't see the pain Catra is bearing, hiding. And so she cries for that, too. The one person who should love her doesn't really see her. As she looks up in the mirror to see herself, since no one else in her life seems to see her pain, she sees her present tearful self looking back. The pain of the past is real in the present, and while she's older now and won't let herself give in to tears, she feels the pain as she did back then. (pic 1, below) She sees the tears and it snaps her back to her present self, totally unnerved by the simulation as the security detects her and attacks. A fearful Catra screams, wanting help, wanting Adora.
>Adora snaps back to herself, having been participating in the replay of the memory post Catra excusing herself. She tries to run to help Catra, full of worry. She sees a terrified Catra trapped by the spider. As the spider begins to drag her away the two girls lock arms, trying to free Catra. But it's too strong, and as we see their grip start to slip, Catra looks to Adora wanting, pleading for help. As Catra is pulled away, Adora feels helpless, knowing she couldn't help her friend. She thumps her head in frustration that she wasn't there for Catra.
The scene speaks to an obvious truth: Adora has never quite been there enough for Catra. She's always less present, less aware of Catra's reality than she could have been. But since Catra was experiencing a painful memory when this happened, her reaction shows her vulnerable emotional state, and so she called out for help: Catra just wants to feel safe, for Adora to be there to help her. But she wasn't.
>As Catra is dragged away, she feels helpless, and calls out mournfully for Adora. But she's long gone; Catra is alone and scared, as usual. She screams out her frustration, the realization that she’s never gotten the help she needed, she always ends up alone. She cries tears for the suffering and anguish she feels from that. (pic 2, below) It’s a moment that shows us the real inner Catra: She feels deeply, whether it be her desire to be seen, loved by Adora, or the fear she feels in this moment and others. She tries her best to act confident in herself, but it's a lie: she needs support, yet is left behind by everyone, including Adora. She was willing to bear her pain for Adora's love, but she has become increasingly aware of how tenuous that really was growing up.
>Catra digs deep, like she's always done. She will handle this, won't take the abuse lying down. She shifts her mentality to being the survivor, the person who has survived years of abuse. She frees herself and gets to her feet, accessing her foe, determined to defeat it. She attacks, using her anger to deal damaging blows, seeking to destroy her enemy, to make sure she survives. She stands back, confident she's won, proud of herself for it. She doesn't quit, she always perseveres against those who want to destroy her. (pic 3)
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Adora shows up, finishing the monster. Catra doesn't drop her mentality, this person who has lived a separate life from Adora and survived on her own, doing the hard things like winning fights and resisting Shadow Weaver's abuse.
Adora walks forward, seeing Catra's anger, determination. She looks blankly, trying not to upset Catra. She's trying to get a read on Catra but not having any luck, so she's being cautious. She asks if Catra is ok, casually pulling webbing off Catra's shoulder, trying to exist in her physical space without upsetting Catra further. "I had it" says Catra, not dropping her fighter stance, mentality at all. Catra is very much feeling the aloneness of her life from everyone, including Adora.
Adora tries to casually put aside Catra's assertion that she had it, she smiles diplomatically. She tries again to touch Catra, to break down her animosity and get her to calm down. It doesn't work. "We need to make sure we stick together from now on." As Adora touches Catra, she tenses, uncomfortable. Catra has strong touch aversion, and Adora knows this but she also knows doing it sometimes helps Catra shift her mentality, so she's trying to get Catra to connect emotionally, to get her to accept care.
"Will you stop telling me what to do?" An exasperated Catra says. We see a look of total dismay cross Adora's face. She's not understanding why Catra has so much animosity in this moment. (pic below)
As Adora looks at Catra, she hunches her body, looking misunderstood and isolated. Adora has consistently failed to see Catra's emotional states and so Catra is feeling more and more apart; that the mentality of the survivor she's feeling now is the right one. Adora didn't really help her at all growing up, and she doesn't see her for who she really is, either. Adora always took the easy explanation, like saying that Catra did things for her because she liked her. Never looking deeper, trying to see her struggle. And so Catra doesn't drop her combative pose, she stays in it because she feels in control, less vulnerable.
As for the words "stop telling me what to do", that's an essay in itself but consider: just now Adora became frustrated when she lost Catra, and now tells her they need to stay together. But they didn't, they never did, and even when they are together Adora is no real help to Catra. So she reacts in anger to Adora trying to direct her. After all, in the next scene we will see that Adora leads Catra into danger, and then doesn't really help her as she gets abused. Adora is no great leader, not according to Catra's experience.
::Adora is having a total loss, here, as she tries to understand Catra, why she's angry at her: It's because she has never really known this 'survivor' side of Catra. Adora wants to comfort her and calm her down, but Catra isn't having it. I think this is when we first see Adora begin to realize that there is something is very wrong with her friend that she has completely failed to see, and she's deeply worried by it. (pic 2)
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[pic cation: Adora can't read Catra's emotions, Adora realizes Catra is deeply angry. Outside SW’s chamber, Adora wants to take Catra’s hand.]
Adora loves Catra, but can't seem to get through to her: Catra is holding herself apart from Adora. Again, Catra pushes Adora's hand aside, frustrated. She expresses her exasperation at the situation, saying she's sick of what's going on. Adora follows along, confused. As Catra seemingly purposefully leaves her behind, Adora demands to know what Catra's problem is, saying that she was trying to save her. Catra looks down at her confrontationally, frustrated with Adora's lack of vision. "For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you." Uh oh.
The words "no thanks to you" are especially cutting. Adora has totally failed to see the struggles Catra had all her life, she didn't understand the hurt and abuse Catra was fighting against. And so Catra did it all on her own, protecting herself and trying to remain strong. Her love of Adora might have helped her have hope, but fundamentally Catra overcame the abuse by not giving up on herself, believing she had worth, and not letting others tear her down.
Adora runs to Catra's side, taking her arm in one hand. Feeling her friend becoming increasingly distant from her, Adora tries authentically telling Catra her feelings, hoping to make her friend see her desire to help and understand her. Adora explains that she's sorry for leaving and that she did it because she couldn't stand the war the Horde has pursued. Her next words are telling: "but I never wanted to leave you". 'Want' is an important word in this series, and it comes up again in season 5 when Catra asks Adora "what do you want, Adora?”. By choosing to leave the Horde, Catra feels that Adora wanted that more than she wanted what they had together. Also, promises are not something you're supposed to break over a 'want'. And Adora so casually breaking their promises makes Catra think she doesn't matter to Adora. It's not the truth, but this belief still determines her reaction in this moment. Even though Adora dearly loves Catra, including at this point in the story, she hasn't shown it in a way that Catra can see as meaningful. As Adora finishes saying this, Catra looks back, feeling alone and unwanted, seemingly thinking 'but you did leave me, Adora.'
Adora tries to appeal to Catra to join the rebellion with her. Then she says "I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde." Catra must be thinking 'Ok so at what point did you become the authority on whether someone is good or bad, Adora?' Adora has shown no interest in understanding Catra's position, she treated her as an enemy without fail since she left her, literally in every single case including at Princess Prom when Catra was trying so hard to romance her. And Catra doesn't accept Adora's naive black and white view of the world. Think about it: when Adora defects she begins treating all Horde with hostility, including her dearest friend, she judges them all and doesn’t even try to see them as the complicated people that they are. So when she suggests Catra doesn't belong with the Horde, Catra looks back at her, feeling totally isolated from Adora. Even though Adora's plea is earnest, Catra declines it.
>As the next memory begins, we see Adora now has both hands on Catra's arm, she's desperately trying to hold on to her bond with Catra and show her desire to fix things between them. Catra doesn't drop her wary demeanor at all, and Adora looks lost and anxious over this as a young Catra runs by.
The memory starts out full of childhood innocence as the two of them play together. When the girls see that the Black Garnet chamber is open, young Adora remarks "we're definitely not allowed in there." Young Catra looks at Adora, seemingly asking if she wants to go in, trusting her. Young Adora runs off, and Catra follows her in. Yes, Catra participates in the decision, but she's not the one who runs towards the chamber, and that's important to what happens next.
A worried (adult) Adora looks to her friend who seems so distant, stoic. Anxiously, Adora tells Catra "You don't have to go in there." Adora knows what happens next is very bad, that this is a hurtful memory for Catra. As an unwavering Catra begins to walk towards the chamber, Adora looks down at Catra's hand. [pic above] She wants desperately to reach out and take it, to hold Catra back from this terrible moment, to tell her she's sorry for messing up. Adora knows now that she screwed up, that she's let Catra down, somehow more than she ever realized. She doesn't know what to do about it… she follows Catra inside.
The young girls explore, Catra touches the black garnet and gets shocked. Adora has second thoughts, she realizes they're trespassing.. but of course, SW returns, so they try to hide. As SW takes off the mask, Adora cries out, taken aback... young Catra looks at her in dismay. She's about to pay for Adora's mistake with a lifetime of suffering. Offended, SW tells them to "Get out!" but rethinks. She puts the mask back on, and decides to use this moment to instead abuse the girls and use the crime of their trespass against them. As SW tells Catra to stay, Adora turns around, seeing that Catra is caught, and she's scared for her friend. She really did make a poor decision, and as a highly empathetic person, what happens to Catra scars Adora, too.
Held powerless by magic, Catra tries to explain that they were just playing. SW's words to her set the stage for a lifetime of physical and psychological abuse: SW leans over her menacingly, telling her "Insolent child, I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you, but I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well." Again, it's not Catra who decided to go in, so it's really not her fault. SW disparages her and heaps blame upon her for Adora's bad choice, ignoring the truth.
Adora weakly tries to protect Catra, saying "SW, it wasn't her fault. It was my idea too." It's an understandable response, as they're just little kids. Still, Adora could have taken the blame for their trespass, since she led Catra inside. But it's about to get a lot more hurtful for Catra...
SW's voice echoes through Catra's head as she trembles in terror: "You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me. I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. Do you understand ?" Catra trembles in fear, her eyes unfocused, the room empty but for SW menacing her. She's in a dissociative state, terrified and helpless. I think some people probably feel like this must have been a idle threat, but it isn't: SW abuses Catra many times after this for her mistakes. And the depiction of the dissociative state helps us understand just how damaging it was. While Adora seemingly goes on to not realize the importance of this memory, for Catra it is formative to her entire life.
Again, Adora tries weakly to stop what's happening, putting herself between them. She tells SW "please, stop" then looks over at Catra, full of concern. Running over to SW, she tells her "she didn't mean to". This is so hurtful, as young Catra is very smart. Catra knows Adora has blown it again, after all, what is it that she "didn't mean to" do when it was Adora's idea to trespass? Adora isn't getting the magnitude of the situation, and Catra is very much left to fend for herself.
SW then does a very insidious thing to Adora, a very directed abuse that's meant to work against her personality and empathetic reactions to others pain. She tells her "Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. Do not let something like this happen again..." SW follows this up with years of manipulation to make Adora even more susceptible to abuse. But in this moment, SW again heaps the blame for Adora's mistake onto Catra, who did nothing wrong. For Catra, she comes to believe that what she did doesn't even matter, nobody cares what the truth was. Even Adora. But for Adora, the hurt goes deep as well. She made a bad decision, her friend gets hurt for it, and she never comes clean... instead, she's told she has to do a better job of controlling her friend, and that she has to be perfect so that it doesn't happen again. It's a deep and hurtful moment for Adora, just like it is for Catra. But the hurt is much less direct, and more sneaky. Nonetheless, Adora struggles with this moment, this abuse of her, in the most intimate and painful ways all throughout the series.
Young Catra watches on as SW completes her manipulation of Adora. For Catra, she's left with the feeling that nothing she does matters, she was blamed for something she didn't even do. And Adora seemingly took the easy out, spreading the blame. But she doesn't realize this moment is so insidious for Adora, that it attacks and manipulates her at her emotional need to help others. From this moment on, Adora is afflicted with a desperate fear that she can't protect others, and must lead perfectly so they don't get hurt. This internal conflict erodes Adora's self worth, and causes her great emotional pain throughout the series. Catra, instead, believes she is being told she has no worth, and isn't even allowed to make her own decisions. It's hurtful, and it's part of why she tensed so badly at Adora for trying to tell her what to do earlier. We see this realization cross young Catra's face: she feels forgotten in this moment.
We see the young girls walking away from SW's chamber, Adora with her hand around Catra's shoulder. This comfort is not enough... Catra really needed Adora to stand up for her there, to come clean, and she didn't. Trying to comfort her now seems hollow. As they flash to their present selves, Catra knocks Adora's arm aside in frustration, accusing her of needing to play the hero.
Adora responds, saying she was only trying to protect her. Catra's next words tell the real truth of their childhood: "You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on SW's bad side!" Adora at first chafes at this statement, feeling like she did try to protect her, then crosses over to confusion at the strength of Catra's assertion. Catra is telling Adora she was blind to her pain. She wasn't there for her, and this is very much at the core of Catra's disappointment with Adora: the fact that she never stayed, never tried to understand. Adora let SW control her, make her ambitious, and so Catra was put to the side of that, and over time Adora grew apart from her. Catra’s exact words here are important: she says that Adora ‘plays’ at being the hero, yet always seemingly protected her status as the favorite, never standing up to SW and risking harm onto herself in order to save Catra from pain.
And so, the fact that out of seemingly out of nowhere, Adora decides to risk everything and defect in order to fight for people she doesn't even know, insults Catra. Adora abandons and consequently fights against her own people, leaving Catra behind, unilaterally treating her as an enemy. Never, in their whole lives, did Adora ever fight for Catra, only offering affection afterwards to make up for the cruelties that happened to Catra. So no, Catra doesn't want Adora to save her, or her sympathy, when she seemingly cared so little about her pain. Adora was no hero to her.
Now an obvious question might be: if the manipulation is that Adora is supposed to protect and control Catra, then shouldn't she have had to see SW abuse Catra for it to work? The first part of the answer is that it was never really about that, once the idea was put in Adora’s head, SW used it to manipulate her further into a mentality where Adora would accept praise, promotion on her path to becoming a force captain.
The other is that when someone is being hurt like Catra was in that moment... if the one person in the world who is supposed to get it doesn't get it... then it becomes very hard to ever bring it up to them again. It's a specific type of hurt and abandonment: for Catra, she goes on to believe that this is her burden, that somehow she alone is supposed to learn these hard lessons. And so she doesn't tell Adora about the abuse. Also, keep in mind that they are small children, and Catra doesn't want Adora to hurt like she does... so she's actually protecting her, in her mind. But the fact that time goes by and Adora never seemed to care, to stop and see Catra's pain, was very hurtful to her. And Catra’s feelings of betrayal at Adora’s not seeing the hurt are justified: in episode 1, we see Adora watch SW menace Catra, then happily run off to accept her promotion, only remembering to check on Catra as an afterthought. Catra needed Adora's support, and never really got it.
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[pic caption: (left to right) Adora’s apparent willful ignorance of the abuse.]
So Catra believes she learns these hard lessons so Adora won't have to, but is left alone in her pain. This also means that SW specifically abused Catra at times and in places so Adora wouldn't be aware, which again, tells us it was never really about making Adora responsible for Catra's decisions. No, the reasons were much darker, and Catra bore it all alone.
The girls flash to their younger selves, and Catra accuses Adora: "Admit it, you love being her favorite." Catra is telling Adora that she was disappointed and hurt that Adora kept accepting praise and privilege from SW, after that moment when she so clearly should have seen how SW abused her, and the maliciousness of the death threat. In Catra’s mind, Adora could have rejected SW. As painful as it is for a small child to be without any parents, it would have been the right thing to do, for Catra. SW was no good to Catra, and they could have shared the pain of being orphans who only had each other, but instead Catra ended up bearing all of the abuse while Adora was given privilege.
Adora denies this assertion, and yet she did accept the privilege SW offered her. Catra's next words show how ignorant Adora was to the realities of their lives as they flash back to their present selves: "Oh yeah? When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then ?" Catra bore all the abuse and punishment for Adora's leaving, and Adora wasn't there to see it. Catra did this bravely for Adora, in fact, up until before Princesse Prom, Catra did everything she could to cover for Adora, just like she asked, protecting her, hoping she'd come back to her. But Adora shows no understanding at all for what Catra went through, she didn't even think about what must have been happening to her. Adora has never taken the time to think about how her actions affect Catra's life.
Adora counters, suggesting that Catra could leave the Horde, and therefore get away from SW's abuse. Catra just glares back at her, disappointed. Catra knows running from the abuse won't solve anything.
::What this comes down to is a totally different understanding of the world. For Adora, she thinks she became a hero for leaving the Horde, and becoming She-ra. She doesn't realize she was lucky to fall into the situation she did, with Bow and Glimmer helping her gain acceptance and protecting her. She's totally unaware that the reality that her becoming She-ra is a manipulation born out of evil intent. For Catra, she's always known that the world is harsh, and that bad people exist who will try to destroy you. She's not afraid to fight, she's had no choice learning these harsh truths. It's a jaded view that negatively affects her perceptions of people, but it prepares her for the worst, and so she relies on it. So when Adora suggests she run from it, she rejects her as naive. They flash back to their younger selves after Adora suggests Catra can leave like she did, and Catra accusingly points out that she doesn't need to follow Adora around. That they're children is relevant to the previous memory where Adora led Catra into danger, and then didn't protect her. Catra isn't interested in following Adora blindly after she's put her in danger so badly in the past.
Flashing back present selves, Catra tells Adora she doesn't want to leave. As she says this her face conveys her anger at the world, her drive to face SW instead of flee. She says "I'm not afraid of SW anymore, and I'm a better force captain than you ever would have been." Let's take this in parts: Catra won't run from her abuser, she's already planning to take her down. Doing so is important to Catra, as it fixes her world in an important way. And that Adora can't see this just shows how far apart they are now. In Catra's mind, Adora was supposed to stay, and as they rose to power together, they would have supplanted SW, fixing Catra's world. The two of them would have been stronger in the end. But Adora did leave, so Catra impatiently tries to get Adora to see that she won't just run away. If Adora doesn't want to help Catra overcome this evil, then she'll do it on her own.
Her disappointment in Adora for abandoning this fight is apparent, what comes to mind is when Catra calls Adora weak in the Sea Gate episode. And now Catra knows she's got the power to do this, she's a force captain, and if she can just find a reason to depose SW she knows she has the station and fighting ability to take her down. She always knew she could lead, but was happy to let Adora have success because she really didn't want that responsibility. So she points out her superiority, not to show that she's better than Adora, but to tell Adora she was blind to Catra's worth, and to be hurtful to Adora for abandoning her.
They flash back to their child selves: Adora looks at Catra, hurt and confused "You always said you didn't care about things like that." Adora is feeling hurt by the idea that she was unknowingly taking advantage of Catra, because Catra has seemily just told her she was lying.
Now, this next part is important, and it's important that we are seeing Catra's reaction as her child self: Catra looks sad and lonely as Adora finishes her question, and she's crying. Something adult Catra would never let herself do. So we're seeing a much more authentic expression of Catra's hurt and emotions than if it were her present self. What you need to understand here is that those emotions don't really match her words... Catra tells her "Well I was lying, obviously!" But her face says she's angry and hurt at Adora for not seeing her pain.
As she delivers those words her face is full of accusation and insult, she's being dramatic, something we will see Catra do time and time again. She stares down Adora, eyes scrunched up, showing Adora how betrayed she felt by her insensitivity. Then we get sadness, disappointment. Finally, we get a lonely kind of furious sorrow: all that time feeling alone and Adora didn't bother to understand is written on her face.
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The tears are still flowing, but as she turns away they shift back to their present selves. Adult Catra looks totally alone, heartbroken.
Ok but how we REALLY know Catra isn't telling the truth is this: almost word for word, this moment exists in episode 1. ANY time you see that happen in this show, you need to look back to find the meaning of it.
>We will need to look in totality of this scene in episode 1: An excited Catra pounces on Adora, asking her what SW said. She sees the badge and takes it. Here's a funny thing, because we see Catra jump on Adora you might think Catra is always like this, she just comes into Adora's space as she pleases. But once Catra has the badge, we see no anger or jealousy. Just total wonder. She shows nothing but exuberation and happiness for Adora's promotion (pic 1, lower left fyi).
Catra knew this could be the turning point she's been waiting for, that Adora was due for promotion. And so she's jumping all over Adora, full of joy. We only see her attitude change once Adora tells her SW isn't letting her go on missions. And so, we can infer a lot of information from this...
Catra expected this moment to change their lives for the better. That Adora's rising in rank means freedom, the beginning of something new. Some many new things, in Catra's case. But Catra definitively shows us in this scene that she doesn't desire the success for herself. She only shows happiness for Adora, for them together, and she's ecstatic. (pic 1, fyi)
This, in Catra's mind, probably means the start of their romantic lives. If Adora is the force captain that brings them to victory, SW won't be able to just trample all over their lives. Catra can begin letting down some walls, maybe even let Adora pursue her romantically. If they're together, and Adora is on her side because of that, she becomes safe from her abuser. It's a much better outcome than trying to fight SW, but that's not how the story goes. No, Adora leaves her instead. How's that for emotional whiplash? All of these truths are laid bare in s3ep5, when we see Catra's perfect reality, when she and Adora are together romantically. Catra only wants to be safe and to be loved, but when Adora leaves her she loses trust in the goodness of Adora, and in people in general.
> Adora tells Catra she shouldn't be surprised she's been cut of of the mission because she's so rude to SW, to which Catra responds by calling Adora a people pleaser, then storming off in anger...
::Note, as this is important: Adora is taking SW’s side, and not Catra’s, which is entirely opposite of their early childhood memory of Octavia. It shows how Adora had started listening to the negative judgements others placed on Catra...
>Adora goes after Catra, finding her sulking on the roof. Catra is angry, betrayed by the world, at the injustice that SW is in her life. Adora asks "I didn't even think you wanted to be a force captain?" Catra tossed the badge at her, saying she doesn't. Then she folds her body up, holding herself. Adora sees this, but doesn't touch her. She's being careful to respect Catra's boundaries. But the anger Catra feels here isn't about being denied the chance to be a force captain, it's at all the hurt that SW has dealt her and continues to do so. And Adora doesn't see that, which disappoints Catra. But, she's unable to verbalize it herself, she is too insecure in her emotional vulnerability, so she lets it slide.
What we have here is two different instances of the same question with two different answers, but in both cases Catra is telling the truth. In episode 1, it's the truth that she doesn't care about being a force captain because of her love for Adora, and the promise, in her mind, that they will eventually be together. In episode 11, Catra then says she lied, and this now is also true: Catra did think about what she was going through, all the pain and sacrifices she made for Adora, which were done in the name of love. But Adora doesn't love her the way that Catra loves Adora, instead leaving her behind. And so now that Adora didn't ever see how excellent a person Catra actually was, how dedicated to her she is, and the pain she was willing to bear for her sake, it does matter. Because that's shitty of her, and so now Catra will survive on her own by her own excellence, her strength that Adora never stopped to see. So Catra is guilting Adora, trying to make her see how blind and unfeeling she is.
>Back to ep11: Catra tries to walk away from Adora, who desperately chases her, trying to understand why Catra is becoming so distant, wanting her to tell her what's wrong. She reaches out for Catra's shoulder in one last attempt to get Catra to talk, she knows touching Catra could maybe get her to be more open. But the truth is Adora has been far too easy on Catra, she needs to be more forceful if she wants Catra to talk, which she later comes to understand... she's been coddling Catra, and so Catra is allowed to wallow in her unhealthy mental states.
Catra takes Adora's hand, forcefully holding it away from her and delivering a hurtful line: "Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the fright zone? I didn't WANT you to come back, Adora!" This hits Adora like a load of bricks, her dismay is evident. And it's all true, which is the sad part. Catra was already preparing to cut ties with Adora, as even by that point she had come to a realization, a decision: if Adora doesn't want to be with her, then she'll do it herself. She will do the hard things on her own.
She turns away from Adora, looking hurt and betrayed. And Adora is at a complete loss, she doesn't know this side of Catra, this part of her that has survived hardship all these years... she lets her leave, not knowing what to do.
Adora is then attacked by the security, which takes up her time. As that happens, we see memories only shown to Catra. Catra runs, emotionally overwhelmed as all the unfair judgements, the abuse, and hollow apologies ring out around her. All the years of frustration and sadness weigh on her, she tries to keep it together, lashing out at the holograms. She falls to her knees, fighting back emotion and trying not to cry, her inner, vulnerable self is near the surface, and she's trying not to break down in tears over all of the hurt she's had to bear...
… and then she hears soft crying...
She turns to see her younger, tiny self, crying. Then, a tiny Adora joins the tiny Catra. Unlike the other memories, Catra never flashes into her younger self, she just watches...
The tiny Adora pulls the blanket down, Catra hisses at her... Adora sits down next to her tenderly. And we finally get the promise, the two parts that Adora has so tragically broke...
Adora tells her "It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you... nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other." The tiny Catra looks at Adora, wanting to trust her, to believe in her. As she says the question, present Catra echos it: "You promise ?" This was a sacred moment that gave Catra hope as a young orphan, that maybe she would be ok.
And so, the present Catra echoes it. Adora tells her she promises, as the skeptical present Catra looks on. Tiny Catra is still sad, insecure... she hugs Adora, needing this. Adora suggests they go back out to play... and we see tiny Catra look at her, still afraid, reluctant, wanting to stay. But she decides to trust Adora, and so they walk out, holding hands. Then something unique happens. Tiny Catra stops to look up at her present self: note, this is entirely a unique moment in the simulation, it never happened in reality... and yet Catra is given this moment...
The innocent child stares up Catra, making her see her. It's a look full of meaning, it doesn't carry any specific emotion... only innocence. Catra is having an inner child moment. That most deep and innocent part of her, her vulnerable self who feels love, is communicating with her. It's asking her to see it's vulnerability, and it's pain. Catra sees this, all of the pain Adora has caused her, the breaking of the promise, the promise that this innocent part of her was holding on to desperately with hope. She is forced to acknowledge Adora's disloyalty to her, her carelessness. Catra is reflecting on how she did her absolute best to keep that promise, even after Adora failed to look out for her in SW's chamber. Catra was so loyal and so good to Adora all of their lives; she made sure Adora had a good life, and she played by SW's rules so Adora could be the chosen one, wanting to protect her. All in the hope that they would be together, and that their love was real. But Adora couldn't even do that much, she left her. And Adora doesn't understand her, she doesn't even seem to miss her.
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[pic 9: Broken Promises, Catra’s inner child, The Hero goes Her Own Way].
Present Catra watches her tiny self leave, coming to the tough realization: that she's never been able to trust Adora, not really. Her love isn't reciprocated, not by her standards.
…. which makes Adora a deeply unsafe person to Catra...
Catra survived SW's abuse, learning to believe in herself, protect herself because no one else would. All while keeping this hope of love in her heart, this vulnerable core of herself that has tenderness and loves Adora, and needs love back. But, her need for love goes to such a deep vulnerability that giving in to it and then again being rejected or forgotten by Adora would simply destroy her. SW held the threat of death over Catra’s head her entire life, and Catra resisted it, got through it by being tough and trusting in herself. So now she sees she can't trust Adora: everything that happened since she left her behind, the fact that Adora always treats her as an enemy, that she seems to show no lingering desire for her, and doesn't even seem to miss her while replacing her with new friends, seems to confirm her worst fears. Fears that have been building over the years, starting when Adora broke their promise in SW's chamber, and then as Adora pursued her success while accepting praise and privilege from SW, ignoring the abuse Catra bore because of it. She decides she can't trust Adora. Love is a lie, a weakness. A weakness that could destroy her last bit of individuality, and belief in the world.
And so, Catra, The Survivor, makes the decision... in her mind it's the brave one, just like way back when and she decided to bravely stand up to SW's abuse and not let it destroy her: she will stand up to the threat that is the weakness of her love for Adora. Adora is selfish, she doesn't deserve Catra's love. She was stupid to believe that love was even possible, for someone like her… who has always been ignored, and told she is unworthy of praise or even existence. There's only one thing left for her to do: she will be alone, strong on her own, for herself.
Her gaze hardens... that part of her that has made sure she survived SW's abuse, and made sure she won fights when she was threatened, is now the decider. It will protect her from her vulnerability, and reject Adora for her. I suppose you might be confused as to what I'm referring, or maybe not... If you haven't had to fight for your life, whether physically, mentally, or otherwise, you might not know this side of yourself well. But we all have it, it's The Survivor. And while I knew mine would protect me, I didn't accept it as my real self, I didn't accept its necessary but vicious deeds as my own. This is very much how Catra is, and as the series goes on she puts this survivor in charge of more and more decisions, we watch her deteriorate as this part of her gets out of control, protecting her from darkness with more darkness. All the while her vulnerable inner self suffers, watching the horrible deeds and becoming more and more alone, desperate for affection.
>Adora is outnumbered, eventually ending up hanging from the cliff's edge by spider webs. She hears Catra return, dealing with the spiders. Adora looks up, hopeful because Catra has returned...
Catra saunters in. Let me say a few things before we go through this part: Catra is about to say a lot of things that aren't really true. They are instead meant to be hurtful to Adora, Catra is being intentionally mean. We shouldn't take her exact words as her authentic beliefs, because they're not... no, Catra is doing what she believes she has to so she can be apart for Adora, and be safe from her. The truth is, Catra needs to be away from Adora. She's too scared of the vulnerability that is her love for Adora, because Adora hasn't shown her that she cares. And she can't do that by defecting, no, she must stay with the Horde. It's the only thing she feels there is left for her to do.
Now, let's go through this: and heads up: I'm getting at something very powerful that's going on here that you may not have realized. This speech is, in fact, a heroic moment. A heroic moment... for Catra. Not Adora, for Catra. And you just need to open your ears to hear it...
"Hey Adora."
🎶 is sad
"Catra! Help me, please!"
"This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you... then again, you're special... that's what Shadow Weaver always said..."
🎶 is melancholy
"Catra, what are you doing??"
"Ah, ya know, it all makes sense now... you've always been the one holding me back... you wanted me to think I needed you, you wanted me to feel weak."
🎶 has even tone
"Every hero needs a sidekick, right?"
"Catra that's not how it was.."
🎶 rises, falls, sad (“Promise” begins playing)
*Catra chuckles* "The sad thing is I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde... when really you leaving was the best thing that EVER happened to me..."
🎶 lowers, is dark, is dramatic. -Note: we see Catra seemingly become deranged as she says this line. This is Catra deceiving herself out of perceived necessity.
"I am so much stronger than anyone... ever... thought." *she cuts part of the web*
🎶 begins to rise, uplifting
"I wonder what I could have been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner." *she cuts the rest of the web, Adora falls, catching herself*
🎶 rises, is dramatic
"I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best. Please, don't do this."
🎶 is still rising, uplifting
*Catra stands proudly, nobly, looking at the sword. She looks down at Adora, then she casually tosses the sword past her...
🎶 is rising, hopeful, heroic.
"Bye Adora, I really am going to miss you..."
🎶 is heroic, violins now playing, adding depth
*Catra turns and walks away from Adora, proudly*
🎶 has risen to its height, crests, is heroic.
"Catra... Catra, no!!"
🎶 remains high, cresting, heroic
*Adora cries, sad, confused by Catra's leaving her...*
🎶 crests again, fades out...
Ok, so... let's talk about what just happened here. The undeniable conclusion is that this was meant to be a heroic moment, and a damn heroic moment... for Catra. The writers are telling us that Catra leaving is an important part of her hero’s journey, and that it was the right thing to do. You might be wondering, how can that be? The short answer is, Catra is on a hero’s journey unlike all the other hero’s journeys normally portrayed in fiction. All of it, even her darkest deeds, all her cruelty towards Adora, will be part of a very... important... and powerful... journey. One which will forge her into a hero in this series, in her own incredible right... how this is, what she is, is yet to be revealed... but make no mistake, she's a hero. Just not the one you expect…
We see Adora open her eyes, and see Light Hope. She tells Adora to let go. She means of her emotional attachments, as we find out. Adora cries for her lost Catra, that she couldn't bring her back to her. She lets go...
BIG ASSERTION TIME: Now, I know it's a common theory that these memories were all just an elaborate manipulation by Light Hope to divide the girls from each other, but I don't agree with that. No, I believe this was a memory journey guided by Catra, subconsciously, to help her tell Adora why she couldn't come with her, why she has to be apart.
Take for instance the memories and visions that Adora sees when she's on her way to the Heart of Etheria in season 5: this system exists apart from Light Hope, who dies at the end for season 4. This simulation comes from somewhere more primal: in my belief, it is the deep magic of Etheria being visualized through the First One's tech. We see the simulation show Catra the promise memory, something Adora isn't shown at all, and then allows her to see her inner child's hurt. Something deeper is going on here, and you should consider how strongly the magic of Etheria is resonating with Catra when it does. Because the magic of Etheria will again speak directly to Catra, this isn't the last time... In short, the magic helps the two of them to understand each other, because Catra is an important part of Adora's true She-ra journey.
I also believe that a theme of this series is that abusers, like L. Hope, are not perfect vindictive manipulators. They are flawed, and L. Hope in particular, I believe, is no genius: she fails time and time again. That L. Hope uses the moment to get Adora to let go is her using the moment to her advantage, she didn't play ultimate control over it. She just piggy backed on Catra's hurt to do it. So that last memory really was for Catra... Furthermore, I simply cannot believe L.Hope would understand the concept of the inner child… as she can't even understand sarcasm.
But now, because of this, Adora now knows of Catra's pain... and this is the beginning of Adora's long journey back to Catra, of her repairing their bond…
Let's address the obvious counterpoint: Adora now knows that Catra is hurt, but she doesn't yet understand why. And it's not really her fault, as Catra doesn't know how to talk about her feelings, among other things. But it's apparent that Adora doesn't remember these crucial memories as well as Catra does, even though they were critical in her development as well. Adora is a mess of emotions, just like Catra, and (if) she has ADHD, it might be one reason why she doesn't really get Catra. Especially if her parental figure has been manipulating it against her. Adora very much vibrates between stimuli anxiously, so SW might have made her forgetful by distraction over time. Also, the way in which Adora treats Catra as an enemy when she doesn't accept Adora’s (totally rushed, afterthought, and hollow) ultimatum that she defect with her, is a reflection of Adora's ingrained Horde war training… this is something she has to unlearn, as it is wrong. But Adora is a good person, she really, truely, is, because Adora never stops trying to make it better. And so, she slowly, but surely, comes to understand Catra’s trauma.
We get one last scene of Catra returning to the fright zone. We get to see Catra's truth here: She walks, as if she's not even there, she's deadened by the sorrow and the inevitability of what her life will now be: one of hard work, and zero joy. She will try her best to stand on her own, and put Adora out of her heart, slamming its doors shut against love. It doesn't work, but that's what she's trying to do, nonetheless. This is the beginning of a profound depression that builds over the next 3 seasons, and combined with new traumas, nearly takes her life.
But the tech Catra has brought back will end up giving her what she needs to face down and depose SW, just like she needed...
::Here is another complicated twist that's so essential to She-ra as a series: Catra, in fact, protects Adora by taking down SW. Catra may go on to command the Hordes forces so effectively that it pushes the Princess alliance harder than it's ever been pushed before, but her deposing SW is extremely important in the story. She both removes SW’s ability to attack Adora, and then denies her any sorcerous power by taking the Black Garnet from her, since SW needs an external source to draw power from in order to use her vampiric powers...
Ok so more theory time: it's a common belief that Catra stays with the Horde, and goes on to try to conquer the world out of some deep need to externally validate herself, and to prove she was the better child by beating Adora. I don't think any of these explanations are true. Catra may go on to play such a character on a surface level, but every time she professes to have any such ambitions, she is either in the presence of Adora, or under incredible stress. In the one case, she's saying those things to try to hurt Adora, and make her see how naive and foolish Adora always was, especially now that Adora thinks she can fight against her.
In the other case, it's actually her survivor mechanism trying to take over, to make her world safe. In every case where Catra says something about ambition, somewhere in that scene, Catra shows the distinct emotions of her true inner self: generally, these emotions are sorrow, fear, and loneliness. They don't exist on screen long, they are what is known as micro expressions. (See below for a short discussion of Catra’s micro expressions.)
To put it simply, the only reason Catra stays with the Horde is so she has somewhere she can be separate from her feelings and heartbreak over Adora, and then she climbs the ranks in order to find safety, first from SW, and then Hordak, once he threatens her life with his temper tantrums. That she fights against Adora is just a collateral consequence, she isn't out to get Adora, but nor does she care if Adora gets hurt, because she’s hurt her. Catra does fight against the princesses, though (including She-ra).
A core feature of Catra's character is indeed one of personal power. She's a person who is told to hurry up and die at an early age, but refused to do so. So her arc, her issue, isn't a cautionary tale about chasing validation, it's about her overcoming her fear of vulnerability and allowing herself to rely on others in a way that lets her be safe without needing to combat the darkness with more darkness. But vulnerability scares her because of the abuse she experienced.
As for validation, the only person she would want that from is Adora. This is because Catra believes in herself already: that she has a sacred right to exist, no matter what SW and others may tell her (note: Adora struggles with this, she's actually the one who seeks validation). But, she also needs love, and she is too fearful that Adora doesn't really love her and is afraid of being hurt by that. It's also why I think she's so chaotic towards Adora: her inner child tells her adult self to protect her from her love for Adora, which it tries to do, but that same child misses and needs Adora in so many ways. So she's trying to be mean to compensate for the incredible desire she feels towards Adora. I love it when Adora calls her a brat in season 5, it's such a well deserved line, mmhhmmm.
Actual discussions of how these particulars play out in the show are better left for another time, but there you have it.
Promise sidebar discussions: Catra’s micro expressions; Catra nearly dies at the Battle of Bright Moon
“White Out” microexpression discussion: [see pics below] This is the first time since the Battle of Bright Moon that Catra and Adora meet. So it's a good time to talk about Catra’s micro expressions. Picture 1: Adora says “Hey, Catra” out of the blue and Catra is completely blindsided, she figured she wouldn't be bothered out in the middle of nowhere. She's anxious and unhappy to be seeing Adora. Along with her suspicious absence the episode before in “Roll With It”, the answer is obvious: Catra has been avoiding Adora. She may have cut ties with her in “Promise”, nearly bested her at the Battle of BM, but she doesn't want to see her. She doesn't know what she feels about her.
Picture 2: Enraged monsters are decimating the base, and a battle breaks out over the corrupted disc. Catra is desperately trying to protect it, because she can control Adora if she has it... and she needs this chance to have her back. As Catra reaches to pick it up, she's facing away from everyone and so no one can see her desperation and sadness from missing Adora. (pic 2) Shortly after, we also see her clutch the disc desperately to her chest in a way that's very endearing, right before the monster attacks her and makes her drop it. Then, as she's about to die in its jaws because she doesn't want to give Adora up again, Scorpia breaks the disc and saves her life. We see in this episode as Catra completely loses track of her emotions, and now realizes she has to come to terms with the fact that she's so desperately sad from missing Adora, she was willing to die just for a chance to have her back.
Pic 3: Catra hates working for the Horde. She HATES it. She gets zero joy from the job, and she’s already figured out that Hordak will kill her if she screws up too badly. She didn't want this job, plain and simple, but now feels stuck with it. None of this is the life she wanted. Combining this knowledge against Catra’s declaration to Adora at the end of Promise, we know she's not happy that she had to go her own way...
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Catra’s near death experience at the Battle of Bright Moon
At the Battle of Bright Moon, Catra leads Adora (She-ra) away. They battle, but then Catra retreats and instead starts listing out every single worst fear of failure she thinks Adora has. It's a dark moment, she's acting much like SW did to them as children, and we watch her manipulation take root in Adora. Finally, her words are too much, and as Catra looks down at Adora's (She-ra's) back, we see Adora become deranged, overcome with her fear of failing everyone... (pic1, above) she picks up a boulder and throws it directly at Catra. Catra is knocked flying, and only by the barest of margins does she keep from falling to her death. Adora nearly kills Catra. And so, as Adora drags Catra up from the cliff and slams her into the wall, we see a totally heartbroken and emotionally crushed Catra. In this moment, Catra believes all of her worst fears are confirmed: Adora only cares about being She-ra, so much so that Adora would kill her in the name of being that hero. Catra uses this moment, this belief, to justify her division from Adora. Sadly, she's wrong... she's ignoring the seriousness of the threat that the battle poses, and as Adora was facing away from her during that moment, she doesn't see the terror and desperation Adora experiences due to her cruel words…
Oh, and one more thing before we go: when Catra says “What, did you really think this was about you ?” SPOILER ALERT: It was. Because She-ra is one big Catradora story… and we love it.
As always, thanks for reading. <3
~EtheriaDearie
P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛
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itsclydebitches · 3 years
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I'm sorry, I might have been unclear. ^^;; I mean that when Bakugo is told for ten years he deserves to be arrogant and ambitious, it'd be hard for him to not be. But he picked All Might as his hero, whose compassion and saving people define him. In many ways I see a neglected kid lashing out from frustration before UA. He wasn't going to change until he was among equals in class, and adults who cared enough to tell/show him more than a simple 'you're the best bc you're strong'.
OH yes yes, sorry for the miscommunication! Yeah, we've definitely seen moments in his past where Bakugo's arrogance was stoked and I think those details are the cornerstone of how sympathetically each individual reads him. Does the reader focus on the actions themselves (bullying, encouraging suicide, recklessly fighting Izuku), or the environment that led to that behavior (doting teachers, his mother, peers who egged him on). It's that line between "Bakugo is just a kid. He needs the chance to grow" and "Bakugo is the perpetrator hurting other kids. His growth should not come at the continued expense of his victim." Which is where I think the structural issues of the story come in. Meaning, both takes are right — Bakugo does horrific things and Bakugo is also a teenager whose behavior is arguably stemming from his upbringing — but it's hard to balance both sides when he's in a story where he's attending school with Izuku, his relationship with Izuku is one of the most important, and he's set from the get-go to be a hero. By making Bakugo such a crucial part of the story in the form of a) being a hero and b) being Izuku's foil, reading #1 — he's a poor kid who just needs endless chances to improve — wins out. In a better story setup, Bakugo would not be training alongside his victim. He would have been expelled from U.A. for all the stunts he pulled. His future as a hero would have been seriously called into question until he learned that bare bones respect. As it stands, the structure of the story ensures that Bakugo (to my knowledge) never faced any actual consequences for his actions, pushing a lot of messages that fans are uncomfortable with: past behavior doesn't matter, any improvement is equal to reaching a standard expected of everyone else, the best thing is to forgive your abuser, talent is prioritized over empathy, etc. Since the apology dropped, I've seen a couple of fans arguing that whether to forgive Bakugo or not is Izuku's decision. It doesn't matter what the fans think because they aren't the ones who suffered. But Izuku isn't a real person. Izuku is a character, controlled by an author who gets to decide how he reacts, knowing that lots of fans want Bakugo's behavior to be acknowledged as serious as it was. I'm currently working under the assumption that Izuku will accept Bakugo's apology because the story has never been interested in actually making Bakugo face consequences for his actions. He was established as a hero from the start, despite his unheroic behavior, which created a contradiction that has hurt the story as a whole.
For me, what it comes down to is the reaction as opposed to the explanation. If I had a kid acting like Bakugo who I know was pushed to that behavior by others and also kid acting like Bakugo for seemingly no reason... they both need to learn the same lesson. Because, as established, that over-encouragement isn't an excuse, just a possible explanation (and I say "possible" because plenty of our other heroes were likewise praised for their talents and didn't turn out like that). What it comes down to is that Bakugo is not the victim here. Was Bakugo neglected? Arguably in some respects, but we know for a fact — seeing from the very start of the series — how much damage Bakugo has done in turn. And yet the story is focused on his pain, his struggle, the tragedy of what supposedly drove a teenager to encourage someone to jump off a roof, rather than the tragedy of a minority kid bullied to the point of someone encouraging suicide. That's the flaw imo. Both kids deserve to work through their problems and have their stories told, but doing that together — putting both at the heart of the manga, as equals in terms of their status as heroes — really doesn't work for me. It's hard to get invested in the supposed tragedy of a kid who was endlessly praised and decided to turn that into despising everyone "lesser" than him when the "lesser" person is right there, having his victimhood largely ignored in favor of unpacking how hard this is for his bully. That's the focus we keep coming back to. It's "poor Bakugo, realizing that Izuku isn't a useless nobody" rather than, "poor Izuku, forced to work alongside the guy who thinks he's a useless nobody." To be totally honest here, I never cared about Bakugo's supposedly sad backstory because it reads as so inconsequential compared to others in the class and compared to what he did to Izuku. Todoroki had his face burned by his father. Uraraka is becoming a hero to try and help her family financially. Izuku is right there... and Bakugo's great struggle, the struggle the story spends so much time on, is "Wow, other people aren't trash I can just walk over and hurt for the fun of it? And I'm learning this at a snail's pace while heading towards the prestigious career of being a hero? And the reason I'm like this is because people praised me too much? What fantastic development on my part!"
I get snarky, but I do honestly believe that Bakugo's story is one worth telling, just not in this context. The story of a kid so talented, and beloved that he developed an ego the size of his school and needs to unlearn that arrogance is a legit story to tell. Trying to tell that story at the expense of his victim, alongside kids his age who went through the same thing and turned out kind, went through far worse and turned out kind, all while having him train to be a hero without ever seriously questioning whether he should be allowed in such a profession is... a mess. It is good for Bakugo to be among equals and learn some humility, but I don't think the first half of the story did nearly enough of that and, even if it had, that struggle is hard for me to take seriously when the others have so much else going on.
Also, did Bakugo latch onto All Might because of his compassion? That always seemed incidental to me. Rather, Bakugo idolized him because he's the best: the most popular, the strongest, the one who always wins. I'd need to re-read flashbacks from the manga to be sure, but I do recall one of the scenes from the anime:
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"You see that? I bet he'll dodge and then punch! Think they've won and then ha! Look, he totally stopped him! That's why he's the greatest. No matter how much trouble he's in, he's always the winner!"
Bakugo likes All Might because he's "the winner," not because he's presumably saving people during this news coverage. Izuku is the one who latches onto All Might because of his smile and ability to help. That's their crucial difference between them. Izuku fights for others. Bakugo fights for himself.
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Is he slowly unlearning that? Yeah, sort of, but again, it comes down to who continually suffers to teach that lesson, how slow Bakugo learns it, how it compares to the struggles of his peers, and how this is situated in a story revolving around allowing him to be a hero in the first place. Cool character idea, bad context and execution.
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imaginesfora3 · 4 years
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Can I have the autumn troupe hcs when you argued and you're giving them a silent treatment? Thank you!
Furuichi Sakyo: 
Sakyo would not be happy at all if you resorted to giving him the silent treatment because as adults in a relationship you should be able to communicate. He thinks it’s immature and though he knows he has to take some responsibility for his part in the argument, things can’t be solved if you coldly cut him off without allowing communication to flow between you. He doesn’t realize that he can be just as frosty when you’ve made him mad and if his behavior is pointed out he declares that he’ll remedy it then, which is what an adult would do when criticized. After a few more snarky comments are exchanged the conversation steadily heads towards how to remedy the situation rather than start another argument.
Fushimi Omi: 
Omi is patient in all facets of his life and when it comes to you, it really does seem like his patience is neverending. Your fights are few and far inbetween as Omi smooths situations over before they escalate but there are some topics even he can’t hold his irritation back on. He still hates fighting more than anything but he knows that emotions can tend to run high during arguments; he’s also well-aware of how life can change in an instant and that holding onto anger won’t bring you happiness down the line. If you want to give him the silent treatment he’ll give you your space for a day or two before he insists on sitting down to talk and hash out what needs to be said so that life can continue on. 
Hyodo Juza: 
Juza feels a high amount of anxiety and guilt after fights, already feeling like he doesn’t deserve you and thinking this fight might just make you think the same. He tried to squash it as soon as it popped up but he had a tendency to sound more aggressive than he actually intended, leading to hurt feelings and him clumsily trying to fix what he’d done. Being given the silent treatment just makes him feel like maybe he’s not worth your time, maybe he should just stop trying and leave you alone, though he quickly realizes that’s taking the easy way out. You’ll find he’s dedicated to getting something out of you even if he has to pester you all day, stubbornly saying you’ll have to talk to him eventually... right?
Nanao Taichi: 
Taichi would be completely heartbroken at being given the silent treatment, already feeling slightly off after the argument you had since they’re relatively rare (for them to get that serious that you’d want to ignore him, anyway). He’d practically beg you to talk to him so that the situation could be solved and things could be okay again, more than willing to sweep the problem under the table as long as things went back to normal. If it wasn’t a situation that could be solved quickly he’d become very mopey, wearing a constant frown as his normal energy completely disappeared.
Settsu Banri: 
Banri will give you the silent treatment right back, just as immature about the argument as you were being. Fighting with him can continue on for at least a week as he’d rather ignore the problem than deal with it, especially when it comes to you. He hates letting his emotions get the better of him and you’re one of the only people that can pull out reactions like this from him. He also hates apologizing and it’ll probably sound half-assed, but he does always come with a peace offering and is genuinely sorry for all the pain he might’ve caused you. 
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revchainsaw · 3 years
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The Crow (1994)
Alright Cult of Cult. Do I really need to introduce this one? Let's get all 90s and gothy and maybe brace ourselves for a bit of cringe, but like in a fun way. It's the Holy Grail of Hot Topic, 1994's the Crow Starring Brandon Lee.
Sermon
Apparently before the auto industry totally crashed Detroit was already a total fucked to death pile of burning shit, or at least that's what the crow would have you believe. Sorry Bruce Campbell, and other people from Detroit, but mostly Bruce Campbell. According to the Crow the city of Detroit is the kind of place where gangs of warlock anarchist arsonists will bomb buildings, and murder and rape whoever they feel like and then walk around bragging about it the next day with absolutely zero consequences. Funny then that if Detroit was so bad they had to go to film this movie in Wilmington North Carolina which is definitely a fucked to death pile of burning shit. I can say that, I'm from there and I got the fuck out. My brother is going to kill me if he ever reads this. (It's okay, these are all jokes people). Did you know they also filmed the Super Mario Bros movie there ... also cuz they needed a really shitty looking distopia. Moving on ...
The ludicrous criminality of the Crow's Detroit is particularly on display on Halloween. In Detroit (apparently) Halloween is known as Devils Night and it's legitimately just a night of pure lawlessness and chaos and kids aren't even safe to get candy, except later when we do see trick or treaters. Eric Draven, hunky goth rocker who sort of looks like he could be Bruce Lee's Kid and his fiance are murdered by a gang of vicious criminals. One year hence, Eric is resurrected by a mystical crow (that is actually a Raven), to exact his revenge on the gang that murdered him.
He paints his face like sad Alice Cooper and refuses to listen to Joy Division, just covers. He murders Tin Tin (a knife guy) just for his long gothy duster, he murders Fun Boy and forcibly ejects heroine from her arms and tells her "Go be a good mom now" which actually works. (have I told you about our Lord and Savior Sting? He gave me the strength to get off drugs), he blows T Bird up dick first, and then comes for Skab? Scraap? Scooby? in a meeting of all of Detroits villains and just about kills them all.
He is supported by the most 90s little girl to have ever graced the screen, and I am here for it, and Officer Albrecht, who's played by Ernie Hudson but I like to call him Zeddemore: The Most Underrated Ghostbuster. The leader of the bad guys, who I cannot beleive wasn't played by Brad Dourif or Tom Waits, is pretty interested in the occult. He keeps his witchy girlfriend around and she makes him fun dishes like smoked eyeballs, and her main use is that she knows that the Crow is the Crows weakness. They set Tony Fucking Todd on the bird, and I guess you just have to hurt the bird and not kill it, and Eric loses his healing factor and other macabre undead powers.
The Crow, Jimmy the Raven, pecks out Dr. Girlfriends eyeballs, I honestly forget how Tony Todd gets offed, and Top Dollar gets Gargoyled (that is impaled on a gargoyle). Funnily enough that is more Gargoyle related impaling on screen then in the actual movie Gargoyle: Wings of Darkness where a Gargoyle is supposed to have impaled a guy.
The Benediction
Best Feature: Injustice League
In the Crow we have not only a set of super memorable villains but they are played by the bad guy all stars. John Polito as the most lowly of the bad guys as a kind of sleazy pawn shop owner who buys ill gotten gains. Tony Todd, who's size is really on display here, the freaking Candy Man is in this movie. T Bird is the head of Top Dollars goons and is played by David Patrick Kelly, you might know as the "Warriors Come Out and Play!!" bottle guy from the Warriors, or as Jimmy Horne from Twin Peaks, and of course Top Dollar himself is played by Michael Wincott. Wincott is not a particularly celebrated actor but has played villains effectively in Robin Hood, the Three Musketeers, and Dead Man.
Best Set Piece: Detroit Style Hot Dogs
The Set design of the Crow is perhaps one of it's most fantastic features. It's very moody and ethereal. It's just real enough to not take you out of the film, but fantastic enough to set mood and theme above realism. From Eric Draven's apartment, to the church where the final battle occurs they are all fantastic. I think that's why I really wanted to shine the spot light on a very minor set piece that would get nary a mention but just as effectively represents the qualities I was just talking about and that is the Maxi Doggs Hot Dog Stand, where a lot of the films exposition for audience surrogates takes place.
Worst Effect: Freeze Frame
At a few points in the movie the film makers made a strange decision to do these freeze frame transitions. I only noticed it twice in the movie where it was particularly stupid. I'm sure the film makers at the time thought it was a moody and atmospheric choice that highlighted the suffering that Eric Draven was going through, but it didn't age well. If you don't have the sensibilities of a goth girl from 1994 then it's very very hard not to laugh at just how self involved the movie is about it's super sadness.
Worst Feature: Tragic Accident
Solely based on the film itself, it is that very gothic and dated sensibility that hurts the Crow. The little sarcastic dance he does when he flees the police, quoting Edgar Allen Poe, and bowing to Albrecht. These affected behaviors that I'm sure seemed snarky and right on to the target audience only serve to make Eric Draven seem like an unbearable neck beard edgelord and not the troubled dark soul he's supposed to be. I'm sure at the time it seemed unique and gothy but that shit went out of style for good reason, people could see through it. It's a shame that the Crow himself was some of the cringiest parts of this movie now that I'm seeing it as an adult and not a 13 year old middle class boy with no real problems.
This however is not the low point of the movie. It's not news now and if you're reading some dudes review of The Crow on Tumblr then you probably already know the story. The worst thing about The Crow is that Brandon Lee was horrifically killed on set while filming this movie due to some negligible prop malfunctions. A series of unfortunate events that lead to the actor spending 6 hours in surgery fighting for his life before eventually passing. It was not a quick or painless death and it's really impossible to watch the movie without an appreciation for the fact that this kind of fun dark adventure was going to be a vehicle for Brandon Lee's career wound up taking his life. He was 28. I really wish I could have just bitched about the goofy goth stuff and moved on, but that's not the world we live in.
Best Effect: The Gargoyling
Maybe I should have called this best kill. But I'm not sure which it is. The slaying of Top Dollar at the Climax of the film was just super effective. The pointed wings impaling his chest and that horn coming out of his mouth, it was morbid and excellent and just fit the tone of the movie perfectly. I mean how many other movies can you say Cause of Death: Impaled on a Gargoyle.
Best Bird: The Raven
I tried very hard to look up the name of the bird that primarily performed in this movie and could not find anything. There was a Raven once upon a time called Jimmy the Raven, but that was in the 50s and I don't think birds live that long. There was a team of Ravens performing as the crow, they were chosen over crows for their larger size, and more imposing silhouettes. I just think it's so wonderful to see these often maligned birds get a chance to show off their talents. Corvids of all kinds are incredibly intelligent creatures. Im a sucker for animals, if you haven't already figured that out. I really liked seeing the ravens hit their marks, particularly the one whos job it was to drop the wedding ring into Sarah's hand at the end of the film. You can see that greedy little bastard do his trick and then look of camera at his trainer like "treat please!". It's very cute.
Best Actor: Top Dollar Performance
I'd love to take this opportunity to just put praise upon Brandon Lee, he truly gave everything for this role, but unfortunately with what was put to film we actually have very few character moments with Eric Draven. Stuff happens to him, and he does killings and fights. There's definitely some personality, but I felt like I walked away knowing almost nothing about who Eric Draven was. He was clearly a good dude but that and a few hobbies and a relationship and you don't really have a character yet. He's unfortunately not given a lot of acting to do, instead just relegated to stunts and action sequences. That were notably cool.
The bad guys in the Crow have a lot more character and among this who's who of character actors, Michael Wincott takes the cake. Hell he was standing next to Candyman himself, Tony Todd and still stealing the scenes.
Best Character: A Few Good Apples
Is the best character in The Crow really going to be the cop? The commissioner Gordon stand in? yeah, it is. Not to be political, but I don't like cops, but I guess in a world with magical birds and eyeball smoking I can suspend my disbelief and let Ernie Hudson be #1 cop dad. His character is really the heart of the film, since all Eric can do is brood and fight, we have to care about someone in this movie.
Best Sequence: Halloween Party
The best sequence of the movie is of course the scene where Eric Draven busts in on the Devil's Night party planning commission. I think Top Dollar brought Scrappy Doo there just so he could lure out the crow, knowing the baddest assholes in all of Detroit would be gathered it was likely that somebody was going to kill the beast, or if they couldn't at least Top Dollar could get a feel for his enemy. It's a bullet flying action sequence with a ton of weight. I can't put my finger on this all to common weightless third act problem that big budget super hero and action flicks have nowadays, but whatever that issue is, the Crow does not have that issue. From this point on the Climax feels earned and I am invested. For that reason, The Crow is honestly better in spite of its awkwardness, than many of the super hero movies out today.
Worst Sequence: My Guitar Gently Weeps
Speaking of brooding or fighting. The best sequence was fighting, the worst is brooding. I get that Eric was in a band or something, but didn't he have shit to do. It seemed like it was a cool idea for a shot, but for like a whole seen, watching somebody play an 80s guitar solo, that stood out so brazenly from the choices of music in the rest of the movie was extra corny. It felt like someone's( dad trying to relate to their kid. Oh you like Music. The Dresden Dolls eh? Oh man, then you're going to love Slash's Snake Pit!
Summary
The Crow is dated. It is iconic but I wonder how many of the people that hang that poster on the wall have watched that movie since they were kids. It's interesting how what i've liked and disliked about this film have changed so much sense I was a kid. It's a cheeseball fiesta. If you have matured at all beyond thinking that being sad is the same as being deep then you're going to like it a little less than you did when you were younger, but it is still solid. There's not much to hate on. I'd watch it over and over again. I was really afraid it would not hold up at all, but returning to The Crow was a completely positive experience.
Overall Grade: B
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riseofnightwing · 4 years
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Never felt so good to be so wrong (enemies to lovers) - Dick Grayson Imagine
pairing:Dick Grayson x Titan!Reader
request: “heeey honey, can you do one like enemies to lovers with 5 and 50? i love u girl, you and your write are perfect 🤧”
prompts: 5. “What are we fighting for?"
50. “Why are you in my bed?” ‘It’s actually my bed…”
notes: @jurassicpzrk​ i hope you like it, lovely gurl, i’m sorry i took so long, i was trying to do my best. xxxxx<3
notes²: thank you to my girls, without your support i wouldn’t do this. @incorrect-titans-quotes @donnatr0y​ @wintercapilson​
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“I still can’t believe we finally did it” Dick said putting his arms behind his head and your eyes drifted towards his arms admiring him. You chastised yourself, you weren’t supposed to think things like this since you both didn’t get along that well
“After many tries, we got her. Nothing could be better than this.” it was the first time in years in which you and Dick would actually talk instead of barking at each other.
The group sat together in the living room to celebrate Poison Ivy’s imprisonment. 
“We’d have done it sooner if we had followed my plan since the beginning but that’s okay” you said with a smirk, pushing his buttons, knowing that he was going to respond to your little snarky comments.
“I think you trust yourself way more than you should” he said taking a sip of his beer.
“What do you mean, Grayson?” you told him
“I mean that I am the leader for a reason, and the plan went just the way it needed to be. My way” he said with his usually tone of superiority that he loved to use with you  knowing how much you hated it.
“Now i remembered why i hate you so much.” you said  getting close to his face “Fuck you and your leadership” you finished the sentence with poison in your words.
“What are we fighting for?”  Dick asked you trying to understand the purpose of all of this. “We won, our plans complemented each other and we got her, that’s what matters.” you listened to him and even thought he annoyed you he had a point. Today was for celebrating.
“I offer you a truce.” He said not waiting for you to answer, you raised your eyebrows not believing him completely “Just for today, let’s ignore the fact that we hate each other and let’s celebrate.”
“I’ll think about it, and maybe if you weren’t such an ass” you mocked him “it wouldn’t be an impossible mission.” you said and left to get another beer.
--
You made your way to the kitchen and you didn’t notice that Donna was right behind you.
You were getting a beer when you heard her voice next to you:
“So...did I just witness you and Dick actually get along for once?” she asked.
“i think you're hallucinating, you know how much i hate him.” You said not very convinced anymore. You couldn’t even remember why it all started to be honest.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night” she replied taking a sip of his beer not believing you for a second.
--
“Here” you handed Dick another beer “I’ll take your truce, but only tonight” you half smiled at him and sat by his side.
He smiled at you and accepted the beer, you didn’t know if it was the alcohol or what but Dick’s lips looked so kissable, you took a sip of your beer hoping that he hadn’t noticed you looking at his mouth.  “Tomorrow we can go back to normal” he said and you agreed. It wouldn’t hurt to try, right?
You looked at the other side of the room when you saw Hank dancing ula-ula with Dawn, and the woman wouldn’t stop laughing. The beers were definitely making effect.
“Oh my god” you said stifling a laugh and Dick also looked at his friend’s direction and burst out laughing. The moment was good and you welcomed it without reluctance; all the fighting and the nagging were now forgotten and you were just two adults having a good time with your friends.
When you looked back at Dick, you saw the boy already starting at you. 
You were too high to believe he was looking at you in purpose, maybe you were just drunk. But he knew it was very much in purpose, because in this moment he wasn’t that capable of hiding his true feelings for you like he did everyday. 
“Dick, come here,  it’s your time to play out limbo with me!” Kory called Dick whining for his attention and you quietly rolled your eyes, Dawn held the rope along with Hank and everyone laughed when Gar couldn’t pass through it. 
You looked at Kory and Dick laughing together and you felt something weird, you tried to fight it, but you knew that feeling and it was jealousy but he wasn’t yours, you actually hated him and it didn’t make any sense.
 “You don’t fool me” you heard Donna’s voice and it seemed that she had appeared from out of nowhere.
“What?” you asked, after taking your eyes off of Dick and Kory.
“Dick. You’re in too deep.” 
“Shut up. You’re not playing with them?”  you asked her, trying to change the subject quickly but this didn’t go unnoticed by Donna.
“Oh no, i’m not drunk enough to do that” she replied finishing her drink and leaving you alone with your thoughts.
She was right, you were in too deep. You hated yourself for that. First: he hated you and you had to pretend to feel the same way. Whenever you met, you argued. You even liked it, seeing his face whenever his plans or decisions were questioned by you, but deep down, you knew he was not that  arrogant; you knew how many qualities he had although it was hard to admit. 
You sat far away from Kory and him, because it became too much to see the two always together getting along so well.
Across the room Dick had the exact same thoughts. He felt bad about being with Kory, thinking about someone else the person who hated him: you. Despite Kory being an amazing woman, it was impossible for him to see her as something else. She was not you.
You were immerse in your own thoughts when he appear by your side.
“Here” he said handing you a shot of tequila, taking the now lukewarm beer out of your hands.
“Are you trying to get me drunk Grayson?” you smirked.
“No, i’m just trying to see if you can be nicer with this.” 
“Fuck you, Grayson” you both smiled and took the tequila, the liquid went down burning your throat.
 “Ready for another?” he asked you.
“You need to calm down, I could barely swallow that and you want me to take another one? Do you wanna kill me?” you told him laughing. Shit, he was making you laugh.
“What? Why the hell would I do that?” Dick asked pretending to feel disappointed.
“Because you hate me?” you answered him.
Dick laughed.“Is that what you think?” He shook his head. “You’re an arrogant twat and you’re annoying as hell, but I don’t hate you.”
“Yeah well, is not going to work the other way around though. i still hate you.” You told him getting closer.
“Yeah, and why?” he asked, confronting you.
“Because you’re an ass and you think that you’re the last coca cola in the world, which is not true.” you answered being sassy.
“Right.” he said getting dangerously closer to your face “But i’ll make you a drink anyways. No hard feelings, you know?” he said with charming smile.
“Should I trust you to make me a drink, Grayson?” you asked him not very sure of that.
“You should” he said and you both went to the bar.
“it’s probably going to be the worst drink i've ever had anyways.” you mocked him.
“Just wait and se Y/LN, just wait and see” he said radiating confidence. 
Dick put a lot of things in the cup and started to mix the ingredients. You could only stared at the man in front of you. Since when was Dick so nice? You decided to stop asking questions, and just enjoy the moment. Dick poured the contents into an ornate glass.
 He cut a lemon and placed it on the rim of the glass.
 “The best drink you will ever drink” Dick said, extending the drink to you. You looked fearfully at the glass. 
“Come on, try it” He encouraged. You looked again at the drink, closed your eyes, and drank. 
The drink was sweet, and bitter. Hot and cold, all at the same time. You could hardly tell the taste of alcohol. It was good. 
“Wow Richard” you smiled “It's actually pretty good” Dick smiled with satisfaction. That fucking confident smile that used to get you so mad, now you just got all hot and bothered
“Do you want to know what’s the name of that drink?” He asked, looking extremely serious.
You didn't understand the question, but you smirked. You didn't understood Dick's sudden seriousness.
“What’s its name?” You asked. Dick moved closer to you.
“Kiss Me.”  You didn't know if he meant it, or if it was just the name of the drink. 
His seriousness proved the first option. Without thinking twice, You pressed your lips to Dick's, who immediately hugged you tightly. 
Depending on Dick's reaction, she could blame the drink. But his reaction was not one to complain about.
 He pressed your bodies impossible closer, and kissed you as if the world was going to end. His hands lightly tugged on your hair. 
They didn't think, they didn't know how they would look when they broke the kiss. In fact, neither of them wanted to leave that kiss so soon. 
They both waited years for this, and didn't want it to end anytime soon. Dick bit your lower lip and broke the kiss.
Both with incredibly red lips.  Dick started giving you small kisses on your neck. He was intoxicated by your perfume. You shivered with each touch of the boy. You never wanted that night to end.
Still hugging you, Dick looked deep into your eyes, pressing his forehead against yours. He had no idea what to say. You put your arms around his neck to hear his voice finally say:
“I think we should go somewhere else” he said with a hoarse voice that made you forget about everything, about who you were about who he was, the sexual tension that was established was palpable.
“yeah” you breath out as led you to his bedroom.
--
He opened the door without breaking the kiss, he didn’t want to take the risk of letting you go, making you realize that you still hated him for some reason. He closed the door behind him with his free hand while the other held your waist.
I feel like a hero
And you're my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?
You both could still hear the music coming from the living room as your teammates went crazy and drank like there was no tomorrow. It was Hero/Heroine from Boys like girls. It didn’t matter anyways, because you both were now on your own worlds.
And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
The music played and Dick smiled when he heard a particular phrase.
Dick carefully touched your lips, as if you were kissing for the first time. He put one hand on your neck, and with the other he stroked your hair. Dick started peppering kisses along  your neck, making your body shiver. Dick noticed and smiled.
And you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
With each touch of Dick, you felt your body heat up. Dick pulled you in , placing you on his lap as he sat on his bed, without stopping to kiss. You took his shirt off to see the vision that any woman would dream to.
As you kissed, Dick put his hand on the your leg  as the kiss heated up. 
Dick realized what he was doing, and what was about to happen. He stopped, and looked you in the eye. You were a mess. A beautiful mess.
He didn’t wanted it to be like this, both drunk almost out of conscience, he wanted it more than he could tell and he wanted it to be so good but he also wanted you to remember. 
“Yn” he said and you couldn’t understand why he stopped, you were too drunk to control yourself and understand it was the best decision.
“What? Why did we stop?” you asked feeling sad.
“Because I want you to remember everything” he said softly.
“But I will” you said and your words already rolling up told him he was right.
“Lay down with me.” he said leading you to lay by his side.You laid and looked at him while he also looked in your eyes, you were facing each other. You felt the smell of his perfume in the pillowcases and it felt so good and comfortable. 
“If i sleep here with you, you promise that we’ll still hate each other in the morning?” you asked fighting through sleep.
“I’ll do my best” he smiled softly at you, seeing you surrendering to your tiredness and he closed his eyes, enjoying your presence until he also fell asleep.
--
You woke up with the sunlight hitting your face through the curtains, you slept so heavily that you didn’t even remember how you got in your bed. Dick woke up with your moves, looking at your confused face.
“Hey” he said
“Why are you in my bed?” you asked him trying to understand the situation.
‘It’s actually my bed…" he answered in an obvious tone.
“Did we...?” you lift the blanket that covered both of you to see if your clothes were still on, and they were. You sat on the bed and he did it too.
“No, relax. We just slept, that’s all” he answered calmly and you remembered everything that happened yesterday. If you weren’t with him now, you’d probably think it was a dream. A weird one.
“Oh...okay.” you said and Dick instantly recognized the disappointment in your voice.
“Are you...disappointed?” he asked lifting one of his eyebrows, he hoped you felt as disappointed as he did.
“Uhm...no, i’m not. it’s fine” you answered him with your head down. 
“Y/n, Hey.”
“I know I kissed you, Dick. It was the drink, i know you meant that kiss me was the name and...” you said nonstop until he interrupted you.
“Hey, hey, just listen to me. It wasn’t the drink, you wanted this as much as i did; and to be clear, I don’t hate you.”
“And why didn’t we do anything?” 
“Because when we do, it’s going to be so good and i want you to remember it.” he said and your body trembled, you thanked god that you were sat.
“Then show me, Grayson. I think we wasted enough time.”
Dick didn’t answer, he grabbed you by the waist taking you to his lap and this time he took your shirt off.
He wanted to enjoy you as much as he could, he didn’t know about tomorrow. He just knew that now, you and him were only lovers, not enemies anymore.
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rindomness · 3 years
Note
I’m gonna go for something that pretty obvious given my likes, but how bout Rin and Sam?
hey sorry I needed my computer to get to my pictures for this one and I wanted to focus in class
Rin:
Favorite thing about them: I feel like I need to just state preemptively that everything is going to be biased because they're my OC and started out as a self-insert and I love them. However they are a snarky bastard (by design) and I don't know how obvious it's becoming that I really really have a thing for that particular niche of antagonist design. (Yes they are technically an antagonist in what I'm planning with them original-writing wise)
Least favorite thing about them: they refuse to ask for help literally ever. child please
Favorite line: Hm. I don't think they have any lines in their debut piece actually. Everything else is from RPs currently and I'm not tracking somethin down through a discord chat... honestly it's probably still waiting to be written.
Also "If I'm going down, you're going down with me."
brOTP: RP-verse, hattie. Original-writing, Asha! I will not be explaining that one.
OTP: RP-verse, Cleo and Snow (from @luxsona). Original, no one, really. No real point in having romantic relationships when you're a centuries-old demon who outlives everyone around you, is there?
nOTP: Haven't really thought too hard about it because I haven't been thinking of them too hard outside of their existing relationships/probable relationship with Asha but like... no kids ig? like. I've only really used them as an adult.
Random headcanon: uhh I don't know if it counts as a headcanon if they're my character but. They will do menial chores to feel human/destress because it's a rhythmic thing. (this originated because I was trying to coax myself into doing the dishes regularly)
unpopular opinion: my character IG? Uh. Probably 'it's Probably a Bad Idea to try and befriend demons as a general rule'
song i associate with them: Home (cavetown)
favorite picture of them:
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this has been a favorite for a bit I just really like the composition
Sam:
Favorite thing about them: werewolf werewolf werewolf. Also she has a very fun voice to write.
Least favorite thing about them: honestly see Rin above. Please talk to people about your problems.
Favorite line: "We were not summoning him. We did not break any laws. He’s been here for months.” I don't know man it's just fun there's a lot of fun things she says
brOTP: I'm stuck between Alcor and Silver because both of them but honestly currently I'm gonna say Silver just because. They're the OG duo
OTP: Don't really have anyone!
nOTP: Alcor. No
Random headcanon: again like... how do headcanons work for my own characters? but uh... after the werewolf thing happened I think she has the hardest time with peanut m&ms because chocolate but also they smell good
unpopular opinion: I don't know if I have any. Uh. Considering she's my character? uh. yeah
Song I associate with them: I don't really know? I know there's some out there I just can't think of any of them rn. ;-;
Favorite picture of them:
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im gonna go with this one I did of her for pride month this year because I can I just really like it man
thank you raven! again sorry this took me fucking forever v.v
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boymeetsparadise · 4 years
Text
apart (min yoongi)
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masterlist
word count: 2k
summary: Yoongi is distant and the reader is snarky. Yoongi doesn’t mean to intentionally be an asshole and Reader’s pent up feelings caused by depression result into a fight and devastating time apart. They love each other and they didn’t mean it that way but realizations hurt.
warnings: language. angst. mentions of depression and negative thoughts. both don’t mean to let their feelings get the best of em.
a/n: it’s been a while since i’ve written so i’m sorry if this isn’t the best. perhaps work is also kicking my creative ass ew lol. 
——
“The guys called, I’ll be home later.” Yoongi grinned as he grabbed his keys, the sound of a door closing echoing the small hall.
-
“Kind of busy? Can we talk later?” Yoongi turned his attention to the computer screen in front of him, bringing the hot mug to his lips. “Thank you for the tea though!”
-
“Gotta take this, just a moment.” He put a finger up, requesting a moment as he walked out the door.
-
“Going out, don’t wait up.” He kissed your cheek with a hand on your back, walking away before you could think of a response.
-
“Not now, maybe later?”
“Yeah..” You sighed as you gently crumpled a shirt, tossing it onto your shared bed. The different responses all had the same meaning, leaving the same tired feelings every time. “Just lemme know what time you're coming home, yeah?” You asked with a hint of concern.
“Yeah no problem.” Yoongi grinned as he zipped up his jacket and adjusted the cap on his head. “Might be late. Laters baby” He waved as he grabbed a mask off the dresser. You sighed once hearing the door close.
“Love you.” You said out loud to an empty room.
That same night he doesn’t call and comes home at 4 am. Pretending to slow your breathing- you hear him as he walks from the bathroom to the closet, changing out of his clothes and preparing for bed, he lays down with a heavy sigh, facing away from you. Tears brim your eyes but you don’t give yourself away, he’s tired anyways.
You wondered if he ever noticed how his favorite meals you were forced to put away as leftovers were attempts at grabbing his attention. How you woke up early enough to prepare breakfast on a day where he had more time… only for him to take a sip of coffee and quickly stuff a cut piece of pancake into his mouth before running off. Or how you made sure to clean his small home studio just the way he preferred… even if you didn’t get a thanks. Most importantly, the way you always said ‘I love you’ even if he was already out the door, hoping he’d say it first for once.
You just wanted someone to talk to. A moment of peace and happiness to contrast the dark thoughts you had been having recently. This time of the year was always the hardest for you, and although you didn’t want to fully depend on your boyfriend nor make it his responsibility, you wanted some sort of reassurance or support- no matter how small. You knew he also wasn’t good at talking about feelings but it was an effort you both put in to grow and become better versions.
...But lately his constant absence didn’t help the loneliness you had already been feeling.
-
“Hey baby why don’t we stay in tonight?” You walked over to him as he sat in front of his computer, fingers softly dancing their way up to gently play with the hair near his neck. “I can cook or perhaps order delivery! There’s a movie I know you’ll love!” You grinned, hoping he would agree tonight.
He always did say to come to him when you needed something and right now you wanted his warmth.  
“Kind of busy.” He tilted his head with an annoyed sigh and clicks of the cursor filled the silent room.
You played with your hands and looked to the floor, “I know you're busy and I’m super proud of you but to be honest..” You paused, you felt as if you were about to break down. Every negative emotion was ready to be poured out after being pushed away. “I just want someone to talk to. I’ve been feeling super desperate and negative-“
“Look babe,” He set down his headphones to properly turn his chair around, taking your hand in his, “Feelings like these suck, trust me I know. Take a nap and relax okay? I know how it gets sometimes.” He nodded- continuing, “Why don’t you call your best friend? Maybe have a movie night with some snacks.” He kissed your hand before letting go and turning around to reach for his headphones. “Love you!”
“I already did.” You softly replied but it was no use as you heard the muffled sound blasting from his headphones. Despite hearing those three words for the first time in weeks, they didn’t register. You shook your head and wiped away your tears, walking back into your shared bedroom. With the door closed you slid to the floor, silently crying into your hands.
See? Not even your boyfriend wants you around. You know what you are? A bother! Why don’t you just run away from it all? You’ll go unnoticed.
A few moments passed before you decided to pick yourself up, tiredly wiping away stray tears.
Just suck it up. All you do is annoy. So whiny! Pathetic. This is why he doesn’t love you anymore.
You laid in bed with a straight face as the voices chanted in circles around your mind. Inside your mind you had anger but not towards anyone in particular but yourself, for feeling such a way and wishing you could just push it away.
-
The door clicked signaling to an entry. You heard soft ruffles of clothes from the opened closet before you heard his footsteps.
Why were you not surprised?
“Hey babe, going out. Gonna-“
“Be late I fucking know.” You interrupted and the sounds of his jewelry came to halt, your tone definitely snapping him out of his daze. Didn’t you just say you were busy?
“Pardon?” He asked as he took a few steps in your resting figure. “Is there a problem?” He asked as he adjusted his jacket.
“No.” You shook your head, “None at all. Have fun.”
“What’s up?” He shifted his weight as he crossed his hands across his chest.
“Nothing.” You dryly replied as you rolled away from his stare. “Won’t wait up, they’re expecting you. Go.”
Yoongi cocked his brow in amused confusion. He had never seen this type of behavior from you, completely forgetting your previous actions thinking this moment was completely random.
“(Y/N).” His voice was stern as he stepped closer, the use of your full name only angered you as he stood behind you, your back towards him . “Speak. What’s wrong?”
He waited for an answer but was met with none as you continued to ignore him. Now he wanted to hear what you had to say? Now he found the time?
“(Y/N).”
Silence.
“(Y/N),I won’t ask again. What’s wrong?” He felt himself growing annoyed.
“Then don’t.”
Yoongi stayed in place as you sat up, ignoring his stare and walking out into the living room. What was your reasoning for this type of behavior?
He followed the sound of the tv as you sat on the couch.
“So now you don’t wanna speak? What the fuck is wrong, tell me.”
“It’s nothing, leave me alone Yoongi.”
He shook his head in disbelief as you called him by his name. Even when it came to disagreements you would either use the nickname you gave him or refrain from using his name at all. The tone you used signaled you were angry and he wasn’t having it.
“So you can go on and act desperate for my attention huh,” He asked with a scoff. “But the second I hand it over now you wanna act silent? Grow up. Tell me what you’re on.”
You shook your head and raised your brows in shock as your tongue poked the inside of your cheek. Oh so he did notice. How great for him to say nothing until now.  
“Forget it.” You shut the tv off and stood up once again, making a beeline to the kitchen where once again, Yoongi was hot on your emotional trail.
“You obviously have something important to say so go on.” He pressed as he crossed his arms once again.
“I’m waiting.” You looked up to him with an agitated face.
“Keep waiting.” You bit back as you began to reach for the cupboard above. You hoped to relax by preparing a cup of tea but suddenly saw his hand reach out to close the small door, halting your actions.
“You don’t get to start this and leave it unfinished.” He put his hands on either side of you as you turned around, “I asked you multiple times about whatever fucking issue you have and now you wanna rub me off? I have done the absolute most and this is how you wanna go about it? We’re adults.”
You've done the absolute most? Are you kidding?  Please say it isn’t so! Don’t let it be that he’s about to start using his career against you. Not in a moment like this.
“I don’t want this okay?.” You shook your head with a dry chuckle. Your anxiety grew 10x worse as you began to mentally prepare for the possible fight that was about to start. “I don’t wanna fight with you anymore. You’re unbelievable Min Yoongi.”
“Please enlighten me (Y/F/N)”
“I shouldn’t have to repeat it.”
“Well you’re about to.” He said in an annoyed manner.
With a shake of your head, you returned the same tone. “First off.” You stood before him but his stance didn’t falter. “I’ve been trying to capture your attention for weeks now. You brush me off before I can even get a proper word in.”
“Oh please.” He scoffed.
“I’m not done Min Yoongi. Like you said, if I showed how desperate I was for your attention.. Why didn’t you mention that earlier? Don’t throw it in my fucking face. You know I try to do my part and more to help make up for the stuff I can’t do.”
You began to point a finger to his chest as he raised a brow.
“Third and final fuck of all. You want to know my deal? I’m not happy. I’ve been desperate for your attention because I’m drowning inside. A small conversation or a hug would be very helpful.” You spat. “You noticed my efforts and let me be met with disappointment every time. I feel like you don’t love me anymore. Maybe it’s my mind, but I don’t know. I’m tired. Mentally I feel like I'm self suffocating. Now leave me alone.” Before Yoongi could even process your words, you ducked under his arm and walked past him, trying to reach your bedroom when he spoke again.
“If you’re not happy then why are you here?” His words had hit another chord as you froze in place. “I love you but you know I’m not good with that soft shit. That’s why you can call your friends.”
“Other than tonight, when was the last time you said you loved me?” You pursed your lips as you spun around.  
Silence.
“See?” With a nod, you continued your stare off.
“You haven’t said it either so now what?” He challenged with a shrug.
“I’ve said it everyday Yoongi.” Licking your lips you continued, “But you're always out the door before you can hear me.”
Yoongi’s eyes moved to anything else but your eyes.
He had no reason to doubt your words.
“You don’t get it. Forget ‘that soft shit’ I brought up Yoongi.” With a shake of your head you had hoped that perhaps it would be the end. You knew you had a good reason to be angry but perhaps it didn’t come out the way you intended.
“Like I said,” His voice still low. “If you're not happy, you can leave. I’m not gonna force you since you’re so tired.” He mocked, emotions still rushing.
With exhaustion taking over you let your shoulders fall in realization. “Fine.” And with slow steps you began your walk back into your room, maybe time would help this situation. A way for you to breathe and focus on yourself. Maybe he had a point, focus on just yourself for now and come back.
In Yoongi’s mind he knew you had a point but was too stubborn to admit he wasn’t being the best boyfriend. Seeing your anger brought his out too and he couldn’t blame you.
In reality he really had noticed your efforts but tried to brush em off as clingingness, too afraid to confront the reasons as to why. Of course he still loved you. When would he ever stop? He just hasn't been able to prioritize the important. Even though he knows he shouldn’t even have to consider your position in his life.
If he couldn’t confront his own feelings, how could he help you confront yours?
He stood in the middle of the living room, all the words registering in his mind before the sound of a zipper broke his thoughts. With wide eyes he took quick strides to your bedroom. What was he saying? What was he doing?
“What are you doing?” He asked softly with concern as he leaned against the doorway.
“You have a point. I’m leaving and focusing on bettering myself okay?” Valuables tucked into the suitcase as you walked from drawer to drawer, folding clothes and tossing. “Maybe I just need some space.”
“No wait.” He stood next to the bed, hoping you’d stop your actions. “We can sit and talk, c’mon.” He extended his hand. “I’ll listen to every word okay?”
You sighed as you set down a small stack of clothes into your bag. “It’s fine. We’ll talk later okay?”
“Or you can stop packing and we can talk now?” His suggestion came out more like a question as he began to chew on his bottom lip. “See? I’ll help you unpack.”
Yoongi began to take out the folded articles of clothing and set them back into the designated drawers. With another weary sigh you crossed your arms against your chest. “Please don’t do this.”
“You said you wanted to talk feelings, let’s do that.” His voice was shaky as he stood before you, taking your hand. The realness of the moment kicked in and now he was terrified.
“This started because we didn't want to talk feelings, let’s not start another so that we do.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.” He interjected as he took your other hand. “You have a point and I’m sorry I’m realizing that right now. I’ve been busy and I can’t bring myself to confront emotions. I let myself get carried away by them when I should really be listening and supporting the best I can.” He intertwined your fingers as he took a deep breath. “Just stop packing.”
“We both agreed to work on expressing our emotions. This isn’t a new topic Yoongi.” You expressed with sadness as you pulled a hand away to cradle his cheek.
“I know but please-“
“It’s best I go, at least for a bit.” Pulling away, clothes began to make their way back into the suitcase.
“(Y/N)-“
“I’m doing this for myself. Maybe I need a break from everything around me. I can't be myself and give you the best version of me if I’m feeling like a whole different person. Look at what I started. I don’t like this.”
“So you need a break from me too?” With glossy eyes Yoongi began to breathe heavily, the panic now on display before you. Have we truly done it now? 
“I’m not leaving you Min Yoongi.” You held his face in your palms as your thumbs gently rubbed his shoulders. With closed eyes he held your hand, worried. “I need to work on me. This isn’t about you or anything else. I guess I’m running from my emotions but maybe it’s best. I’ll be forced to confront them.”
“Are you sure?” He asked again hoping maybe you’d change your mind.
“Yes. I’ve been trying to distract myself from reality and I can’t do this anymore.”
Surprised you kept a steady voice, you tsked before pulling him into a hug.
“I love you so much. I’m sorry for everything tonight but please wait till I’m home okay?” You squeezed him tighter.
“But what if you don’t? What if you realize maybe I’m the reason and never come back? I’m sorry for everything too. I promise I’ll listen to your feelings. Don’t go.” Vulnerable, Yoongi felt a tear slip down his cheek and onto your shoulder. He was most certain you felt it as it left a dark stain on your shirt.
“Please don’t treat this as a breakup. It won’t be.”
“It sure feels like one.”  He wished there was more he could say.
With tears of your own you pulled away, extending a pinky before him. “Look,” Pulling his own hand up, you tried to move his fingers to mimic yours. “I promise you. I’ll be back. Just wait.”
Looking into your eyes, he admitted defeat. Your stubbornness was something he admired but he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t what he despised at this moment.
“Promise?” He shed more tears as his pinky curled.
Completing the action you nodded, “I promise. I love you Min Yoongi.”
“I love you too (Y/N/F).” With that he left himself break, pulling you in once again and sobbing into your shoulder.
That tender moment felt like you both let out everything you had to say but without using your words. If only it was always like this.
“It’s best I go. I’ll text you okay?” You wiped away a couple tears as he let you go with a sad nod.
“I’ll be here waiting.” And with a sad smile he sat on the edge of the bed as you continued to pack. 
Both of your hearts hoped this was the right answer. 
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eruri-things · 4 years
Text
Wow okay I wrote a fic-
That’s a first in a while...
MARIA PRE-SCHOOL FIRST DAY
Erwin held tightly to his dad's hand as he walked through the door on his first day of preschool, the warmth of the room hitting his face and complete difference from the chilly weather outside, it being mid september it was expected though.
Erwin wore a simple blue coat and black jeans underneath a long sleeved grey Captain America t-shirt, he also had on little grey running shoes, his small green backpack hung over his shoulders, his fluffy blonde hair parted to the left.
“Papa what if no one likes me…” the small blonde mumbled as his father crouched and squished Erwins cheeks. The boy still had almost all his baby fat and was so squishy.
“Everyone will love you, Erwin.” his dad kissed his cheek once before standing up and walking to the door giving him a little wave. Erwin took a deep breath and waved back before he turned, his father stayed put watching as Erwin walked a little farther into the room and looked around observing everyone in the room it seemed. Erwin knew his father would only be a few doors down in the older kids classroom but it was still nerve wracking to be in a new place without anyone he knew and nerve wracking for his father to send him off by himself. But he knew Erwin could handle it.
As Erwin glanced around the room noticing how a few kids had started playing, a man with short blonde hair walked up to him.
“Hey there, you must be Erwin right? I'm Armin, can I help you place your backpack and your coat in your cubby?” The man wore a genuine smile on his face and Erwin decided then that he could trust this man.
“Sure.” Erwin smiled as he started to pull his bag off by himself handing it to Armin. The large blonde took it in one arm while his other hand started to unbutton Erwins coat pulling it off him he placed it over his bag his other hand reaching to hold Erwins hand, the smaller boy took it and they walked over the wall where there were a bunch of square cubbies each one had everyone in the classes names on them. Armin pointed at one on the second layer.
“Erwin Smith here it is...see you are on top of Levi Ackerman..” he pointed down to another cubby tag that was underneath his, there was a little blue and white bag in there, Armin placed his bag in the cubby and then pointed to a wall that was covered with hooks all had little name tags under each hook.
“And here's your hook.” Armin hung his coat up and Erwin just stood there nodding his head. Armin crouched down so they were the same height once again.
“Would you like me to introduce you to some other kids?” Erwin shook his head at the offer.
“I think I got it, thank you.” Erwin turned glazing once more at the name tag underneath his, it was now his life's goal to find his cubby neighbor.
Erwin headed towards a dirty blonde haired boy, his hair was covering his eyes and most of his face so it was hard for Erwin to see what it looked like. The boy was sitting down at one of the small tables coloring next to a girl with short blonde hair. She picked up her white paper that had two stick figures holding hands and both heads had a yellow scribble on them.
“Look Mike I drew us!” She smiled happily, her eyes shining with joy. Erwin walked up to the table and leaned on it.
“Excuse me have you two seen a boy named Levi?” The blonde girl looked at Erwin and shook her head
“No sorry…” she mumbled and glanced to her friend
“Have you Mike?” She asked. Mike nodded his head before he turned and pointed towards a boy sitting in the corner of the classroom, arms wrapped around his legs and a scowl on his face. He had bandages over both his knees. Erwin’s blue eyes widened.
“That one huh…okay...thank you…” Erwin smiled and started to walk over to the corner where the kid sat. He got a little nervous as he was walking over towards him. What if that was the naughty corner? He didn’t want to make a bad impression and sit in the naughty corner by accident. He glanced around not seeing another teacher and Armin was busy helping a kid with chin length brown hair and glasses pull off their coat. He moved fast and soon stood in front of the boy. He was even smaller then Erwin.
“Umm hi…are you Levi?” Erwin was able to mumble out. The raven haired boy looked up at him a little confused before he nodded hearing his name.
“I’m Erwin.” He smiled pushing his hand out in front of him to shake the boy's hand. He had seen his father do this when he was meeting someone for the first time. The boy glanced at his hand before shaking his head, not taking it. He finally spoke up.
“I watched you touch the table. Who knows how long it’s been since those adults washed it. It could have the plague on it!” Erwin’s scrunched his eyebrows together.
“Well then wouldn’t I be sick if it had the..p-plague on it?” Erwin asked, keeping his hand out. Levi sat there for a moment before he finally grabbed Erwin’s hand.
“You...have a good point.” The boy pulled on Erwin’s hand making him sit down in front of him. Erwin made a little ‘oof’ sound as his bottom hit the squishy foam padded floor.
“Why are you in the corner?” Erwin asked and he reached out to touch Levi’s bandages on his knees.
“And what did you do to get these…” he looked into the others silver eyes. They were awfully pretty. Levi shrugged.
“None of the people here were worth my time...other than you...your nice...oh…” the little boy looked at his knees and a pout on his face as he touched them gently.
“I fell…” Erwin pouted not happy to hear that his new friend had gotten hurt. He leaned forward and pressed kisses to each of the bandages.
“My kisses will make it better.” He smiled before hearing someone clear their throat. It was an adult he hadn’t seen yet. It was a girl with short black hair.
“Hey there boys we are starting to clean up to get ready for storytime can you two help pick something up?” Erwin started to stand grabbing Levi’s hand
“Yes ma’am.” Erwin smiled as he pulled Levi close to him. Levi was obviously going to say something snarky to her but Erwin responded too fast.
“You don’t gotta help, I'll pick up twice as many things so it’ll look like you helped.” He started to grab some blocks that a boy with black pointy hair was trying to pick up alone. Erwin kept his hand tightly on Levi’s hand. He grabbed a block and put it in the bucket. Levi made a little noise before he grabbed a block and placed it in next to Erwin’s.
“I’m going to help silly…” Levi whispered. After clean up time was over all the kids were brought over to a rug that had their names taped on. Erwin kept his hand on Levi’s and pointed as he showed Levi that their spots were next to each other. They sat down and n the rug and looked up as Armin sat down in a chair in the front. He had a book in his lap.
“Alright everyone today we are gonna be reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar…” The story went by quickly and by the end of it Erwin tummy was rumbling, and thankfully it was snack time. Erwin hadn’t let go of Levi’s hand all day and it didn’t seem that Levi didn’t really mind going around with the blonde everywhere. Today's snack was graham crackers and string cheese. Erwin and Levi sat at one of the tables.
“Do you like superheroes Levi?” Erwin asked as he bit into his graham cracker. Levi nodded his head and pointed at Erwins chest where Captain America stood proudly and then his hand moved to Erwin's face.
“I like these two..” Levi had a small smile on his face. Erwin was confused he wasn't a superhero.
“Silly! I'm not a superhero!” Levi shook his head, not agreeing with Erwin, to him Erwin was the best superhero out there. He was the only kid that had walked over to talk to him after all. Snack time finished up and it was once again free play time until a parent came and picked them up, pre-school was only half day after all. Because Erwin’s dad worked at the school he couldn't come and pick him up which meant he had to wait for his mom to get him. Levi led Erwin to the craft table after snack. A kid with brown short hair was making two little dolls, they were a little creepy to Erwin both made from tan paper and they didn’t even have clothes on. The blonde boy hoped they would get dressed soon. Levi looked at the kid and his eyes widened.
“Hey how did you make those?” he asked. The kid looked up at Levi
“You mean Sonny and Bean?” The kid asked as they pushed up their black glasses. She picked up the little paper doll, its body parts taped on and dangling everywhere.
“Well I just folded up this paper into a tube and then added body parts--” Erwin cut the kid off and just blurted out what he was thinking.
“--wHy ArE tHeY nAkEd?” the kid with brown hair started to laugh. Erwin didn't understand what was so funny he was just asking a question.
“You're funny! I like you! They are from a tv show! They don't wear stuffs...in it either...I’m Hanji by the way..” Erwins mouth made a little ‘o’ shape and he smiled as they introduced themselves.
“Oh..i see...My name is Erwin and this is Levi.” Erwin pointed to Levi who was starting to fold somewhite paper into a tube, he was struggling to tape it and hold it down at the same time. Erwin reached out and pulled some tape off the stick and smiled as Levi held it catching onto what Erwin was trying to do. Erwin placed the tape as soon as Levi held the paper down. The smile on Levi's face grew once he had the white tube. He colored on a little tan jacket and tried to give the tobe a little green bolo tie but it looked more like a necklace. He then started to tape little white legs onto the tube. He added tan arms and then looked at Erwin.
“Help me squishy this ball of paper…” Levi mumbled handing it to Erwin. Erwin squished the ball in his hands.
“What are you doing Levi?” Erwin asked Hanji looking at the start of Levi's little doll. Once Levi had the peach paper squished he added some yellow scribbles to his head and stuck it onto the body. He looked at Erwin once more noticing he had eyes. Levi grabbed a blue pen and gave the newly formed doll bright blue eyes.
“All superheroes have toys that look like them..” Levi mumbled and handed it to Erwin. Erwin looked down at the paper in his hands realizing it was him. Erwin smiled and wrapped his arms around Levi giving him a hug.
“Thank you Levi!” Erwin spoke as Levi stood there a little awkward not sure where to put his hands.
“Erwin, did you make a friend?” Erwin pulled away from the hug, the doll still in hand, his eyes went wider as he recognized the woman instantly.
“MOMMY!” The blonde boy wrapped his arms around his mom. And he glanced back at Levi.
“Levi this is my mommy! she's here to get me.” a pout then formed on his face as he realized that would mean he would have to leave Levi here all alone. He looked at the doll and walked towards Levi handing him the doll.
“I have to go for now...but doll me will protect you I promise. And i'll be here again tomorrow.” Levi took the doll and wrapped his arms around it hugging it as his eyes teared up a little.
“Okay Erwin..” he whispered out and Erwin gave him a hug again before he turned and waved at Levi. He grabbed his mom's hand and she already had his coat and bag. She leaned down and wrapped Erwin in his coat. Erwin waved then at Armin who was waiting by the door.
“Bye bye..” He walked out of the class to his moms car, as soon as he was buckled in his mom glanced back at him.
“You have a good day?” His mother asked. Erwin just nodded his head before the little boy talked about EVERYTHING that had happened that day and it was mostly all focused on Levi.
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quidfree · 4 years
Note
hi! hope you're well and that you're having a good day:) I absolutely adore LMV - I genuinely think it's the best fic I've ever read. anyway, the point of this ask was that I was wondering whether you had any thoughts about sirius as a godfather? like, was he suited for the job, did he actually do a good job... idk, maybe you've answered that question before, in that case, sorry! and ofc don't stress abt answering:))
this is so nice of you ty!!!
ive never talked about dogfather sirius, actually!! what an interesting pair of questions.... i would have to say a qualified yes to both?
was sirius suited for the job: personality-wise, maybe not entirely (raising a child alone in the event of jily deaths would have been Rough, and he’s not exactly a stable parental unit, not to mention he would have spoiled harry rotten), BUT he has the most important prerequisite, which is undying love and loyalty for the potters and for harry, and that means he would have done everything in his power to be a good parent figure to him, which is what really matters, so. not to mention that jily realistically weren’t contemplating he would have to be godfather alone for the majority of harry’s life- with jily around he could have been just The Coolest Godfather Ever instead of harry’s first living parental figure who didn’t treat him like shit.
did he actually do a good job? i would say a resounding yes. bearing in mind he was stuck in azkaban for twelve years (let’s not get into that), we only actively see him godparent harry for three years (plus when he was a baby). obviously baby harry was spoilt v much by his dogfather; what we see of sirius + teen harry also speaks favourably of him, i think. ok, little bit of a rough start what with the unhinged prisoner vibe, but the FIRST thing sirius does when free is go check up on harry- and he keeps tabs via crookshanks etc once at school, knows his interests well enough to send him the firebolt, and he values harry’s opinions enough to not murder peter on the spot despite his thirteen year revenge vendetta. obviously, the fact harry is the spitting image of someone sirius hasnt seen except for in his nightmares for over a decade doesn’t hurt, but he’s just so awkwardly sweet to harry afterwards- when he offers harry to come live with him, expecting him to refuse and completely understanding of it, it’s so endearing (and it always broke my heart how excited they both were about it- i bet sirius was thinking about another time a potter asked to live together). and from the start sirius ALWAYS speaks to harry like a whole person, not a child to be kept in the dark (which, if everyone else had done, looking at you dumbledore...)- the speech he gives him before he escapes is so important for harry to hear, especially from someone who knew his parents. sirius is always so careful to tell harry things about james and lily. now, it’s not that sirius treating harry like an adult would be ideal on its own, and i do think in part the issue is that he skipped his entire childhood and harry looks so much like james, but i also don’t think sirius actually treats harry too much like a grown man, apart from slipups- just like a grown teen. he advises him against threats, tells him the edgy backstories harry SHOULD know (and no other adult ever wants to tell him), looks after him as best he can (HE LIVES IN A CAVE EATING BONES TO LOOK OUT FOR HIM), listens to his teen melodrama. even when he’s fucking up by encouraging harry’s risk-taking i don’t think he’s treating him like an adult- he’s treating him like a *marauder*, because at that age, that’s what he or james would have done; being able to make informed choices is what sirius would have wanted at his age. i don’t think molly or sirius necessarily have the better argument- both make good points; sirius gets what harry wants and molly gets what harry might need even if he doesn’t want it, but that makes perfect sense- molly is an older woman who’s raised seven children, and sirius is in his early thirties and lived with kids for (1) year. james and sirius were order members by age /eighteen/ and sirius was in azkaban at /twenty-one/- he was basically a kid HIMSELF before he got put in the torture prison. i always found it so unfair that literally none of the other adults ever mention the debilitating mental issues he must be suffering from- remember the lifelong PTSD hagrid got from a MONTH there???- and that’s without even mentioning dumbledore’s purposeful exacerbating of them. not to say that mental health excuses poor parenting, but sirius both /isn’t a parent/ and really does very well at filling that role anyways, on the whole, so i think he can be cut some slack for once in his life. harry loves sirius SO MUCH and sirius loves him right back- and sirius teaches him some of the most important lessons in the whole series, even if he himself never managed to learn them- lessons that i really think shape the adult harry becomes, and the kind of lessons his parents might have taught him. so overall i’d give him kudos- and considering the absolute bullshit he’s living through, with james and lily dead, azkaban sucking the light out of him for over a decade, peter running free, and dumbledore QUARANTINING HIM IN THE HOUSE WHERE HIS ABUSIVE DEAD MOTHER IS (?!?!), i would say he does a stellar fucking job.
anyways harry & sirius’ relationship is so important to the series- even the GP was upset when sirius dies in OOTP, largely because everyone could see how bad it hit harry. that scene in dumbledore’s office? oof. they just care about each other so v much and we were robbed of a lifetime of sirius as harry’s absolute fav adult. if sirius had held onto harry that day- if dumbledore hadn’t decided to place him with abusive bigots for a plan which would only pay off by OOTP- i honestly think sirius would have outlived the series. because with harry he’d have been less unhinged by grief, able to testify properly, gotten support from other order members, not gone to azkaban- and with harry he would have had a reason to live. thirteen years of raising harry would have made harry the snarky little fucker he is at his core by age eleven, confident and happy and very good at quidditch indeed; thirteen years would have made sirius as whole as he can get. they would have patched things up with remus. there’d be no OOTP tragedy of errors. sirius would have punched dumbledore at some point. harry would have sent a pic of him and his new friends over week 1 of hogwarts and sirius would have punched through a wall and then calmly strolled over to hogwarts and taken ron’s pet rat over to minerva mcgonnagal, where unspeakable things happened to it. he would have gently butted heads with hermione (but won her over via crookshanks if nothing else) and gotten on very well with ron; snape would barely have been able to be such a dick to him because sirius would have gleefully sent him howlers for every minute of his day until he cracked. lucius on the school board terrorizing the other parents? not on sirius “billionaire heir to the toujours pur line” black’s watch- he’d happily invest even more obnoxious wealth into the school fund to get first call, not to mention lucius’ imperius excuse would not get very far with sirius around. “who’s nicholas flamel? we can’t ask adults- we’d get in trouble with the teachers and our parents are either muggles or wouldn’t know- oh wait nevermind, sirius, who’s nicholas flamel?” no more expelliarmus-ing for four years; harry Trained Duellist By Age 11 more like. dobby the house-elf? oi dobby sirius is family too- now spit it all out, won’t you? chamber of secrets? yeah, sirius knows what that is. parseltongue? yeah, sirius is familiar, and fuck those other kids for being weird to harry about it, does he want to come home for the holidays? weird creepy diary? oh, sirius’ family will have Magicke Moste Evile around somewhere. book 3 is just Harry’s Holiday: The Book because there’s no sirius subplot. you think snape would have dared treat remus the way he does with sirius hovering around paying half his checks? i think the fuck not. you bet your ass they had box seats for the whole of gryffindor house at the Quidditch World Cup. barty crouch? yeah, sirius knows THAT asshole- and remembers his son. catch harry whizzing through all the challenges minus the nerves ahead of time while sirius and remus do half the investigating for him. yule ball? no sweat, just go with ron; that’s what james and sirius would have done. if the maze went the way it goes in the books, “moody” wouldn’t even have been able to drag harry off without sirius intervening. and sirius “ptsd” black would have been The One Person who Got harry’s feelings in OOTP- not to mention sirius Skilled Legilimens black could have coopted that shit from snape and gotten harry up to scratch. sirius-raised-harry would have given umbridge twice as much shit. no kreacher lying here- and harry has sirius’ mirror anyways. so no massive drama in the ministry, and no suicidal recklessness / desperate first taste of freedom on sirius’ part means no veil incident even if they got there. hence book six through seven going Quite Differently. sirius shows up book six to be DADA teacher, why not. him and remus think it’d be funny, and besides he’s petty enough to steal the job from snape. move over firenze, new hot teacher in town. half the books are avoidable.
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chaos-and-recover · 3 years
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Trust me, we have all noticed you are a catty bitch like 90% to the time to almost all your anons, we read your tags we know you've made being a haughty superior bitch your tumblr persona, and it is usually mildly chuckle inducing, but this time it just kinda seems less snarky and more bully. The difference now is you are just wrong. We all get it, your ships never went canon and you are fine with that but theirs did, and their movement isn't about the ship so much as the repeated history of treating queer representation like garbage. This was the straw, is all. Also yeah Jensen isn't great but the scene would not have happened without his permission and he himself has been hyping that scene more than the finale and has it filmed on his phone. We all know he isnt destiel's biggest fan but over the past year his attitude changed to admitting it was ambiguous. So just give it a rest and stop the martyr act. When someone tried to explain, you lashed out and you know you did. Stop acting dumb. It isn't that you disagree, it is how you do it, and your repeated mocking in your tags. Obviously I follow you and like your content enough to keep following you but how many times do you have to get anons from various fandoms telling you that you're rude before you give up the "but I'm not rude????" act. Every few weeks someone sends you an anon calling you out and you do this every time, the only difference is now it isn't a difference in opinion so much as you arguing against actual evidence that really happened and went viral. It isn't difficult. I already know how your response is gonna be but sometimes you have to just take the L and move on. I feel sorry for the dub person. Just hoping this gave you some clarification, even if you might just double down on how not wrong you are and unfair you're being treated. Which is fine because that is always my first reaction too.
Okay. I hear you. Can I sincerely ask where I went wrong in my replies to dub anon? I know I upset them but I genuinely thought I was giving a differing point of view on the whole thing so I'm not sure WHAT did it, you know? Like I truly do not know.
I think what we're disagreeing on isn't that evidence like the Spanish dub exists, because obviously it does, but the intention of the network and the show. Because I still find it hard to believe that if they wanted to erase all signs of Dean's reciprocation that they would've let the Spanish dub go to air like that, and I also do not believe they would've backed down to protect some mythical straight adult male demo who has never been a target of the CW, or the conservative Christian demo who would be fine with killing the literal Christian God but not two men confessing feelings for each other.
I think they wanted to leave it one-sided, or ambiguous, because that's what they've ALWAYS done with destiel shippers, and I'm sure I mentioned somewhere in another post that it isn't the fans who are the bad guys here, you've been jerked around by this show for 15 years. They ALWAYS do this. They wink and nod to the fandom, they know the shippers are out there, but then they mock them in text. I never thought the introduction of Chuck and then the fandom surrounding his books and the musical and all that was a friendly wink wink nudge nudge to real life spn fandom, I always thought it was a little mocking, so I guess I'm surprised everyone is in fact happy about canon destiel, and why I've reblogged the memes and shit making fun of how stupid it all was. A sincere "you were right all along" doesn't fit the tone I got from the way the show has dealt with this stuff in the past. That's it. That's what I was getting at.
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