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autisticlee · 9 months

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I want to be rich enough to afford my own business, then live off that so I don't have to work for anyone else and can make my job meet my own needs/comfort that other jobs cannot. getting and keeping a job as an neurodivergent and/or disabled person in a neurotypical and ableist society is so frustrating and overwhelming. they refuse to meet your needs, accommodate you, blame you for your struggles, and are hardly ever accepting, because you're a "burden" to them and don't meet their ridiculous expectations so you get rejected or fired! the only choice is to do it yourself!!!!! but even starting/running businesses seems to be greatly gatekept by them too 😭

one problem is that it seems only people who are already rich can start their own physical business, in this world today. only people who don't really need to work because they're born into money can make money off their own work. then they call it hard work and pulling their boot straps or whatever 🙄 so they just hire others to do all the work for them and take most the profits. then tah-dah, they have a successful business and only had to tell some people what to do and let them all do the rest for them. I can't afford anything that goes into my own business, especially the physical shop and hired help. my living situation makes it difficult to work from home because I live in a walk-in closet sized room with the entirety of my belongings squished into the small space. i'm trying my best to make things to cell (currently stickers, art prints, 3d anime/video game figures, etc) but it's so difficult and stressful.

or alternatively, get lucky, or have social skills and spoons, to get popular enough online so you can start online first or even full time. you usually have to be super social and interesting online to gain a following who supports you and becomes your fan. not everyone is lucky to have an enticing personality (I barely have one at all 😔) and the spoons to consistently keep up with the demand to keep people interested and continuously supportive. most people online treat it all as a competition and won't help others. they refuse to share your stuff or give advice or work together. they just care about themselves and their business.

the only real advice I got is "be consistent," which i'm sure any chronically ill, disabled, or ND person knows that's basically impossible. some days are good, some weeks are horrible and you can't do anything. that's why i'd work better with a team of others so we can fill each others gaps and stay seemingly consistent, if that makes sense. if there's multiple of us, at least one of us should have the spoons to keep things going! right???? but most online businesses are single-person run and they don't want to share and split anything, even if it's just a small collab for fun (I experienced first hand how gross fellow creaters can be to each other because they treat it as a competition instead of a collab and opportunity to enjoy working together and boost each other up. I will never forgive the bts fanart community for how snobby, childish, and bullying many of the "bigger" were behind closed doors! and smaller ones that licked their boots! ive also heard similar stories about other communities and places, like twitch, youtube, etc.)

then there's the whole business managing thing and promoting and all that. i'm a nobody on the internet, so even if I did online business only to start, no one will notice me or help! (I've actually tried before multiple times in the last almost decade and sold nothing but still struggled to keep up 😅) i barely have the executive functioning spoons to take a shower more than once a week 😭 running a business all alone with all the factors pitted against me? how! i can't hire help if no one pays me lmao

when i've asked for help before, even just asking friends to share my stuff, I get slapped with the whole "stop caring what people think about your work/numbers aren't important/do it because you want to and enjoy it/etc" and that's so insulting because it makes me feel like they're trying to say my work is horrible and worthless and I don't deserve to live off my hard work!!!!! (I'm no longer friends with these people)

what it comes down to is, I always feel like my only choice to actually work and possibly afford to survive is to start my own business????? I can't live off my parents forever and part time minimum wage jobs that I could *maybe* get (even if I was rejected from 200 of them in 2 months...) including the one I fo now are so painful, boring, unfulfilling, and/or stressful and not worth it! but no one will hire me for anything better because no experience and you need experience to get experience. or you need a degree and need money to get a degree but need degree to make money. and it's a whole paradox that is impossible for someone like me to get through. I get rejected at every interview for being autistic. i'm burnt out trying. I feel like i'm at a dead end and don't know what i'm supposed to do?

do any other autistic/ND/disabled people feel the same way?

I usually get told to "wait and it will happen one day" but this is life we are talking about!!! life doesnt wait!!!!! i'm not a teen/20s with ~my whole life ahead of me~ i'm getting older fast and have zero openings or paths that I can take alone. I know my disabled limits and it means I can't just make things happen like other people. I can't live independently or get a normal job, etc. I cant wait around forever and hope I get lucky. i've never experienced any luck so I don't believe it will help me. so I put in what work i'm capable off all the time instead of waiting, but see no useful results. I do my best despite what people on the outside see and tell me (I'm so fucking tired of hearing i'm Not Trying, Giving Up Too Easily, Being Too Negative, Refusing To Leave My Confort Zone, Not Believing In Myself and etc. it's NOT true. I don't care if that's how it looks. being disabled is NOT those things!!!! just because normal daily things takes more spoons and energy and effort for me than you, I need more help, and I dont have the ability to physically or mentally do certain things, (which means doing things beyond that is nearly impossible in most cases,) doesn't mean Those Things. no one understands how hard I try, how much I struggle, and how frustrating it is for it to all crash down, never work, and not matter. only very few people in similar situations understand and don't try to push me. I NEED SUPPORT not someone to remind me of how much I fail because I can't meet NT and abled expectations and do things THEIR way!

anyway, I fell into huge rant....is it possible for us to come together and make a ND/disabled-led business and only hire others like us? that would be cool and helpful. if I could start my own business, I want it to be mostly friendly/inclusive/accommodating to ND/disabled people. NTs/ableds have to follow our "rules" for once. a safe business/work space made for us, by us. it would be hard, but so beneficial to those involved 😭

#lee rambles #autistic #actually autistic #autism #adhd #neurodivergent #disabled #i want to move to canada with my closest friends who ACTUALLY WANT ME after visiting this month #theyre trying ti help figure it out but it's so hard when canada wants immigrant workers who can work skilled jobs and have degrees #and a ton of experience already. i am unskilled level 5 (lowest level) worker that does useless shit they dont seem to want 😭#my dream job there is to open a physical (and online) shop in a tourist mountain town and get tourists to buy all my shit lmao #they open pockets easily so it seems like the best place to open shop and its where my freiends live. in a tourist town.#but how to open and run business and afford it???? 😭#my biggest dream goal besides living with close comfortable found family is open a autistic/adhd friendly shop #where autistic/adhd and even ither ND and marginalized peoples can come and relax and be in a safe space #also ND friendly work!!! it will be owned and operated mostly by the found family but hire some other NDs/disabled people too!#and try our best to meet their needs and accommodate them and make it a great and fun place to work! its a family instead of a job!#why cant it be that simple tho 😭#writing this was exhausting and took a cpuple hours so not proofreading and hope it makes sense and not too many typos

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pollyanna-nana · 9 months

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Louie isn’t evil.

Or: what Pikmin 4 tells us about his character.

BIG WARNING FOR PIKMIN 4 SPOILERS! (and the rest of the series)

———

I want to preface this by saying that I am in no way trying to be the end-all, be-all of character interpretations, but Pikmin 4 to me, at least, confirms the suspicions I’ve had since playing Pikmin 2 and 3 all those years ago that Louie ISN’T secretly evil, or possessed, or whatever else. He’s just… Louie. And I think that’s interesting in and of itself.

1. Olimar himself vouches for him, and clearly doesn’t think he’s a bad person.

Say what you will, but I’m inclined to think Olimar is a decent judge of character. Clearly he’s worked with Louie for enough time to see that while he’s not very good at his job, he’s not intentionally so— at least not in a malevolent way (will get more into this later). He also wants you to forgive him for Olimar’s sake, which can be read as self-sacrificing (as Olimar is known to be) but I also think hints at the soft spot he has for Louie.

It's also worth noting that he states during a end-of-day conversation that he told Louie that, since he's a new employee, he should do everything Olimar does... including throw castaways into the onion. Interesting that Louie took this so literally, but it does provide an explanation for why he kidnapped the Koppaites beyond "he's evil and crazy".

2. He really, REALLY loves his grandma.

Like, wow. He talks about her SO MUCH both in his Piklopedia entries and also elsewhere in the game. It's interesting. Worth noting is that he never mentions any other family members- unlike Olimar, who talks about his wife and each of his children independently. I've said this before, but the content of a lot of these entries implies to me that Louie was mainly raised by his grandma, likely since birth. And given some of her emails in Pikmin 2, assuming they're also canon to Pikmin 4's timeline... Well, Louie certainly had an interesting upbringing. But he clearly loves her all the same.

3. He has a mischievous streak and tends to do things on impulse.

This was already fairly obvious from the previous games, but I think it's worth noting that this game confirms that he's... would immature be the right word? In any regard, he doesn't seem to see himself as a "grown-up"- when in all likelihood he is. Personally, as a 22-year-old, I find that pretty relatable as I often think of myself as younger when in reality I am by all definitions an adult. This, along with his grandma still being around, makes it pretty much certain that Louie is a lot younger than Olimar and the president, likely in his early to mid twenties. Being a bit of a goofball isn't really out of the ordinary, all things considered.

THAT BEING SAID, he's clearly capable of practicing self-restraint when he wants to. What he says here about the red Pikmin is pretty significant, since we know he's willing to eat just about anything- but clearly he has some reservations about creatures that are friendly and helpful. Which leads to...

4. He loves dogs and fluffy things.

Same. But he doesn't even consider eating Moss, Oatchi or the Ancient Sirehound, showing that his creature-eating habits stop at things he recognizes as useful. He clearly also holds affection for things that are soft and fuzzy, and says as much.

5. He is so autism.

He plays with fidget toys. He loves certain textures and sounds. This guy is stimming all over PNF-404!!! I think this also lends some explanation for why his behavior is what it is- things like taking Olimar's suggestion to do as he does super literally even after crashing on an alien planet, his hyperfixation on cooking and tendency not to communicate and incorrectly interpret situations (thinking the Koppaites are kidnappers in 3, running away from you in 4). He could even be low or no empathy as well, explaining why it takes a hot minute to get him to understand why people are upset with him about something.

Interestingly this game also makes it clear that Louie wants to live on the planet, or at least thought he did while you were chasing him down, which makes a lot of sense when you consider that he doesn't really seem to fit in back on Hocotate. I, too, wish to run away to an alien world with all of the things that I like and no other people, so I get you, Louie.

6. He hates his boss and his job, and the golden pikpik carrot incident was likely premeditated.

This probably looks bad, but honestly? As a fellow work-hating anti-capitalist schmuck I get it. The president is for all intents and purposes a huge asshole, from sending Olimar straight back to the planet after selling his ship to not caring that Louie got left behind, just wanting to find the rest of the treasures. I doubt he is very kind to his employees, and doesn't seem very good at running the business. Definitely a funny character, but if he were my boss I would absolutely want to punt him into the sun.

From some other entries he clearly wants to sell certain things to accrue money, but it's for things like getting better kitchen tools and following his dream to have his own cooking show. Clearly being a freight driver isn't what Louie actually wants to do with his life, and he could not give less of a shit about what happens to the company. Very short-sighted on his part, but also again, yeah I get you Louie.

7. He... doesn't like the color red for some reason.

Honestly, I'm not even really sure what to make of this. Is it because it reminds him of the Hocotate ship? Or does he just not like the color? Would be very interesting considering that it's Olimar's signature color. Perhaps that's at least part of why he attacks you in Pikmin 2- though that's speculation for another day.

Also funny to me is his comments on the black-colored treasures. We know blue is his favorite color, but I guess he's also a bit of a goth at heart. Lol.

In conclusion.

I think Louie isn't written or intended to be evil, and Pikmin 4's portrayal of him was intentionally written to confirm this. He's just, as some have said, an agent of chaos, but that doesn't make him a bad person. Just an autistic 20-something working a shitty job he doesn't care about, who loves his grandma and has a mischievous streak and a hyperfixation on food. At least from what I can interpret, ymmv!

#polly speaks #pikmin #pikmin 4 spoilers #pikmin spoilers #pikmin 4 #pikmin 2 #pikmin 3 #louie pikmin #olimar pikmin #character analysis #I guess #I dunno I mostly just wanted to put all this shit together in my brain but I guess other people can see it too haha #This is a non exhaustive list btw I just had a limit to how many images I wanted to wrangle but maybe I'll add on to this in the future #for now uh. Enjoy my weird rambling about the pikmin gremlin

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baby-yongbok · 7 months

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Meltdown

Boyfriend!Bang Chan x Autistic!Fem!Reader

❗Genre: Angst

❗Warnings: Heavy themes of autistic meltdown, Very detailed explanation of a meltdown, Heavy themes of Anxiety?, self-harm (no blood), Mentions of not being able to breathe, Chris is an asshole but not for long. Again, this is very detailed. + Bang Chan is referred to as Chris.

❗A/N: I'm very nervous to post this, but I want to put out content for neurodivergent community. As an autistic individual, I rarely see content with an autistic reader. It may exist, but I've never really come across it. So, here I am. This work is purely based on my experience with autism and is based on my own meltdowns. This is not meant to reflect how every person with autism has meltdowns. I hope that you enjoy!

✨️Masterlist✨️

“You always do this, you always do the same shit and then try to play it off as an accident. How many times are you going to make the same mistake?” Chris yelled in your direction, putting air quotes around the last word of his sentence. You let out a shaky breath, trying your best to keep yourself stable.

“It is a mistake and I thought that I was doing a good job at avoiding it, I don’t perceive any of my behavior tonight as suggestive. I thought that I was being friendly.” Your speech is steady and smooth, a calculated response designed in your head to avoid conflict. That was your goal, avoiding conflict, but it seems that Chris’ temper has other plans tonight.

“Friendly? Are you fucking kidding me? You were practically saying your vows with all the compliments you were dishing out tonight. Laughing at every single word that your so-called friend said. I’m surprised you weren’t sitting in his fucking lap with the way your conversation was going.” Your eyes dart around the room before landing on the bright numbers of the digital clock to your right. You focus your eyes on the bright outline, trying your best to keep yourself calm.

“Chris, I really didn’t mean -” You’re cut off by his yelling, the sudden sound making you jump a bit, shifting your focus.

“I don’t want to hear that fucking excuse. You didn’t mean it? Yeah, sure, you always say that. And why the fuck do you let him call you all of those names? Honey, sweetheart, and anything else that slips off of his tongue, right?” He moves from his spot across from you, circling the couch and stalking towards where you're sitting quickly, only stopping when there’s about a foot between you. “Are you fucking him or something? Do the two of you have history? Because I can’t think of another reason for you to be so goddamn disrespectful.”

“Wha- no, I- I never did anything with him.” Your eyes dart up to his face but your gaze quickly falls, you blink a couple of times trying your best to hold back your tears. “I thought.. I thought I was being friendly I was watching -”

“Why are you trying to play innocent?” He squats down in front of you, his piercing gaze trying to find yours. Tears start to run down your cheeks and you start to rock your body back and forth. You wipe your tears away with open hands before starting to pick at your nails. “Look at me. If you’re not lying then look at me.”

“Chris I- I can’t right now. I’m r-really overwhelmed, I’m sorry.” He sucks his teeth at you, leaning closer into your space. “Please.. Back up.”

“Look at me.” He hisses and you can feel the tingling in your hands and feet starting as your thoughts start to spiral out of control. “Do you really think that you were just being friendly? Tell me, I’m fucking listening.”

His tone picks up towards the completion of his sentence, ending in a shout. You jump again, crossing your arms over your chest in an attempt to comfort yourself. The thoughts in your head get louder as the seconds go by and you start to lose the ability to understand them. Every time that you try to pin point one of them it gets pulled away from you. You start to bounce your leg, fast and harsh. The bouncing of your leg paired with the rocking of your upper body seemed to have caught Chris’ attention. The real Chris, not the one that was standing in front of you seconds ago allowing his jealousy to spiral out of control in a fit of anger.

“Hey..hey” He lowers himself onto his knees, his eyes that were angry seconds ago now glazed with worry. “I’m.. I’m sorry I lost it, I know I shouldn’t have, I just..”

He reaches his hand out to touch you, a soft attempt at comforting you but it was the last thing that he should’ve done. You jump at the contact, a small whine falling from your lips. He moves his hand quickly, muttering a small apology. You bring your hands up to cover your ears, attempting to shut out the heavy buzzing of your thoughts. You start to rock your body quicker as you lean forward, shrinking into yourself.

“Fuck.” Chris hisses under his breath, his hands helplessly resting on his lap. He knows that you didn’t mean it, he knows that you have trouble interacting with your friends due to your autism. And he knew better than anyone what could happen when you got overwhelmed. He could usually see it coming and nurse you back to a more stable headspace but this time he couldn’t. This time it was him that caused the meltdown, the fault was at his feet and there was nothing he could do to fix it. All he could do was wait and watch as you went through the motions.

It was the screaming that pulled him out of his thoughts. The piercing sound of you wailing, the verbal expression of the pain you felt as you tried your best to understand what was happening in your head. His eyes fixed on you immediately, he took you in slowly, maybe too slow. Your hands were laced in your hair pulling harshly at the roots as you sobbed, you were mumbling something through your sobbing. At first he couldn’t understand but eventually he caught on and his heart shattered in his chest as he reached for your hands in an attempt to loosen your grip on your hair.

“Stop making mistakes, stop making mistakes, stop making mistakes.” You mumbled as your tears fell. Your grip on your hair tightened just as Chris made contact with you, he tried desperately to gently pry your fingers from your curls.

“Baby, you can’t do that.” He nearly whispered, his voice was easily drowned out by your screams as you tried to get as far away from his touch as possible. “Baby, please.”

“Stop making mistakes, Stop making mistakes.” Once Chris was able to loosen your grip you balled your hands into fists. Your body tensed and your breath caught in your chest. Chris watched you with wide eyes, he slowly tried to move a bit closer to you, preparing himself to stop you from hurting yourself if needed.

“You have to breathe.” The panic in his tone was evident, you could hear it but you couldn’t react. There was too much going on, too much to process. “ Babygirl, please please breathe.”

You bang your fists against your thighs, trying to get your brain to slow down, trying to coordinate breathing with thinking, moving, anything. Why couldn’t you breathe? Why couldn’t you just stop holding your breath? Why? The more you thought about it the more frustrated you got. You could feel a burning in your chest as you looked up at Chris, eyes wide with panic.

“Babygirl, look, follow me. Do what I do, yeah?” His voice is soft yet strong as he tries to mollify the panic rising in his chest. He attempts to instruct you, using his hands to guide you into making your chest rise and fall as it should. You watch his hands, trying to concentrate, Trying to ignore the ringing in your ears and the harsh buzzing of your thoughts. The longer you focus on the movements of his hand the more that you can feel your chest start to move. You take in a sudden breath, gasping a bit and choking for a second. You follow with another quick breath, gasping again and the pattern continues until the burning subsides and an intense dizziness hits you.

“You did it, you did so well, baby.” Chris whispers, his eyes wide and glossy. “You got it.”

Your body starts to relax a bit as you work to regulate your breathing. You slowly unclench your fist, resting your hands in your lap and scratching at the fabric of your jeans. Your movements start to slow and you sit up straight gradually, every move hurts a bit, the aching in your muscles already starting to set in. Your crying continues as you pant softly, you mumble the same statement to yourself a couple of times before you direct your words towards Chris.

“I’m s-sorry. I thought I-I was doing it right I t-thought…” Your sentence trails off into a pained sob as you bring your hands up to cover your eyes. The guilt of your reaction came flooding through instantly. First you make your boyfriend mad and then you have a fucking meltdown about it? You just can’t win, huh.

“Please don’t apologize, I should be the one apologizing. I should be begging for forgiveness right now. I had no right to get that angry, I was jealous and it was stupid. I was insecure, I’ve been insecure about you hanging out with him for months and I let all of that pent up emotion out and I hurt you. I’m so so sorry, I understand if you don’t forgive me, I wouldn’t either. I know that you struggle and I still fucked everything up.” He moved a bit closer to you, a mere inch separating the two of you.

You shook your head acknowledging that you could hear him. Your brain was slowing down just a bit and you didn’t want to add anything to the whirlwind to disrupt it.

“I’ll get your meltdown kit, and I’ll pick out your safe clothes. You need to take a hot shower to try and soothe your muscles… you’re going to be sore in the morning, okay?” You shake your head, glancing up at Chris for just a second before you close your eyes and take a deep breath. Your chest feels tight but you try not to let it bother you. The aftermath of a meltdown was something that you’ve grown used to after all.

“Please believe me when I say that none of this was your fault. I’m so so fucking sorry, this will never happen again…ever.” He nearly whispers the last word before he stands from his position in front of you, rushing off to get your meltdown kit equipped with sensory aids of all types along with a pair of noise canceling headphones and a pair of tinted glasses in case the light is too much for you to take in.

You keep your eyes closed as you wait for him to return, the pitter patter of his feet across the hardwood is louder than usual as he makes his way back over to you. He leaves you with the kit before rushing to start your shower and pick out your clothes. You always tell him that after you have a meltdown you just want to be left alone, you need space to come down completely. He watches from afar as you put on the headphones and open your favorite calming candle to smell. He makes sure to stay just far enough for you to have your space but close enough to be there if you need him. Once you go to the bathroom for your shower he sits outside of the door, listening for any signs of a follow up meltdown. He takes a deep breath and before he can stop it a tear falls, trailing down his cheek and leaving a path for the rest to follow. He squeezes his eyes shut as it all replays in his head. He yelled at you, he caused your meltdown, you could’ve passed out or ended up more hurt than you already are. God forbid you had a shutdown, he’d never be able to live with himself if he caused that but he could honestly barely stand himself now. He took out his phone, typing a text to Minho, hoping for someone to help calm him down before he sees you again. He’ll only allow himself to fall apart behind the scenes, he doesn’t want to add to your distress any more than he already has. A couple seconds go by after he’s sent the text before his phone is vibrating in his hands. He swipes the green button and brings his phone up to his ear. He takes in a shaky breath before he lets the words leave his lips.

“I fucked up…”

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cumulo-stratus · 8 months

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BAU autism headcannons

(GIF NOT MINE)

(male reader)

CW: possible swearing, mentions of meltdowns and overstimulation, lemme know if theres anything else!

A/N: sry i havent rly posted in a while, i started a school recently and its been a rly big change for me so ive just been emotionally/mentally exhausted like all the time, but i dont wanna abandon u guys so i decided i would get something up, even if its not super good, thanks for y’all’s understanding <3

i think both JJ and Emily would become sort of mothers to reader

(not that they werent already mothers to the rest of the team but reader especially)

like JJ would totally have a motherly instinct for readers needs (like a sort of spider sense)

like if your ever nervous about something being too much or being overwhelming, jj would kinds know this and either make arrangements for accommodations or make sure you know you dont have to go if you want to.

and like she definitely wold put herself in charge of keeping your safe foods stashed on the jet and at the office

emily is more of a mother in a protective way than jj is

like this girl will not hesitate at all to go off on someone for maybe being disrespected to about stimming your chair while thinking

or like if you dont want to shake a police officers hand when your being introduced, and you get dirty/weird looks for it, or anyone comments on it? BOOM this girl will stare at them with so much animosity they’ll be scared of her shes so hot oml

anyways i thinks he team would be super accepting of you, especially if you joined after reid like they would already have some experience with autism

and like if you weren’t ent comfortable telling anyone other than hotch(i feel like it would be like a in ur file thing idk how the government works tho) spencer would defo be able to tell and confront u privately abt it (our respectful king <3)

and if you are comfortable telling the team, everyone would be respectful

i think like rossi/gideon would be a little clueless but like trying their hardest

like rossi would have no idea what stimming is but understands that like you move in certain ways or make certain noises when ur excited

and like with all his money he wouldnt hesitate to spoil u with any fidget toy u need/want or like a rly nice weighted blanket (its insane how expensive those things are)

and like gideon despite his profound understanding of others (hope yall got that ;)) he wouldn’ t get why sometimes you dont feel like/cant talk but totally respects it

omg garcia is our autism ally QUEEN im telling you

always has a big basket of fidgets/stim toys sitting on her desk and when your having a rough day shell leave you a little goodie in a brightly colored and decorated bag

i firmly believe that she is the queen at finding brands with clothes that not only fits your style perfectly but is also sensory friendly

i think she would definitely say that if she never ended up working in the FBI she wouldve started a clothing shop for sensory friendly clothing/accessories

spencer would totallllyyyy be your best friend when it comes to being under-stimulated

he will totally info dump on you and vice-versa

spencer (like penlope) would totally recommend clothing brands that are sensory friendly, but sock brands in particular

and everyone makes fun of you for nerding out over everything

also spencer would definitely get in the habit of grabbing your hands in his when you start to pick a t your nails and cuticles

like he didnt even realize what he was doing the first time but now he does it without thinking about it and for the team its normal

“hey,” and he would gently grab your hands to stop you from picking at them

“sorry..”

”youve nothing to be sorry for” (with that little reid smile oml rf[osifjgturhv)

and i also firmly believe that morgan is the best people to go to if your having a meltdown

he would stop you from harmfully stimming

“hey sugar, unclench those pretty little hands for me. there we go… good job kid.” he would have the softest smile and voice

and when he takes your hands to stop you from hitting yourself his grip is rly firm but gentle

but hotch is the best to go to for when your overstimulated

like he would make sure you know his office is always a quiet place you can go to with out questions

and he would secretly have a stash of like stimm toys in his office that he stole from garcia

his couch is always open to you, especially like late at night if you are really tired his fatherly instincts will kick in and force you to come to his office for a break

he would would hand you and blanket and a stim toy

”sit. sleep”

thats all he would say in his cute little stern but actually caring voice <3

#criminal minds #bau team #bau #spencer reid #emily prentiss #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #david rossi #penelope garcia #jennifer jereau #criminal minds x gn reader #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x masc! reader #criminal minds x fem!reader #headcannons #autism #autism headcannons #criminal minds x autistic reader

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matoitech · 5 months

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this is justin (he/they) a golden tiger guy who originally went to school to be a nurse but dropped out pretty quickly and now works in sex education and also as a pole dancing instructor (averis very fitting ideas for what vibe his character gave off). very friendly guy and really good at their job! hes 5'7, hes got a cobra tat on their arm, born in idaho but everyone thinks theyre from portland, and had sex with a model once (it was armani). i think like half his exes have been involved in pyramid schemes or MLMs and tried to rope him in too (armani fell for one btw) idk why i just think its like sometimes u attract a certain genre of person and u dont rly know why and it kind of haunts you sometimes. justin and armani knowing each other is rly funny to me bcuz justin is rly friendly and personable and armani is this kinda broody pretentious model who blue eyed stare memes people theitr autism kind of goes in dif directionsbut theyre sure both autisming

#my art #ocs #furry #anthro #liger #tiger #golden tiger #lion #i did most of this art yesterday i just kept putting off posting it i was thinking of adding more art #now its midnight which is the worst time 2 post anything LOL

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goldiipond · 1 year

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ray tpn is autistic and i'm gonna tell you why now

ray is one of the most heavily autistic-coded characters i can think of, and i've been wanting to write up a post going over as many of his autistic mannerisms as i can because there is a lot. this will probably be long because i am also autistic and i am especially autistic about ray, so please enjoy while i psychoanalyze this anime boy with way more scrutiny than anyone would consider healthy <3

body language

perhaps one of the strongest arguments for ray's autism can be made by looking at his body language. ray tries to keep a stoic, neutral expression and voice the majority of the time (though he's often quite. bad at that too) but he is always extremely expressive through his movements and gestures, the most noticeable of which being the use of his hands. pretty much every character uses hand gestures, but ray is ridiculously excessive. it'd take frankly way too long to compile every instance of this (or even half) throughout the manga, so here's a small collection of gestures from s1 of the anime to give an idea:

note that this is not even close to all of them and that he's exactly like this in the manga as well, though the animation and its use of snappy, exaggerated movements does help to make these much more noticeable.

moving away from his hands there's also just a lot of really expressive full-body language as well, such as this friendly chokehold:

this dramatic shrug:

and this even more dramatic flop:

just to name a few. basically, ray has a thing for grand unnecessary movements and no one is surprised.

poor emotional regulation and masking

as i mentioned before, ray tries really really hard to bottle up his emotions and keep a sort of stoic persona during his time at gracefield. he's also really really bad at doing this. not terrible, as he was able to keep up a believable enough front that none of the other kids saw anything odd about his behavior for 6 years, but that's also because he deals with so much more stress once the events of the escape arc actually get going. there is a stark difference between his quiet and detached demeanor while emma and norman are still in the dark about the house, and him nearly having a meltdown every time something strays from his meticulously crafted plans while they actually begin making their preparations to escape over the course of the arc.

just a few examples of this include him nearly having a breakdown when emma insists on taking everyone:

or one of my favorite anime exclusive moments where he strains his voice while yelling at isabella to the point he breaks into a coughing fit:

and it's not just big flashy meltdowns, but little bursts of anger as well. shoutout to this moment in particular where he launches this bucket with enough force to tear up a bit of the damn ground:

this emotional instability can be seen after the escape as well, the most glaring example being how he interacts with yuugo:

their dynamic in general really does a good job of showing ray’s mental state after the escape, because pre-goldy pond yuugo is An Asshole. and ray is so, so easy to piss off and quite frankly tired from bottling up his emotions for so long that every interaction with said asshole is a massive struggle to keep himself from physically attacking him.

as for the topic of masking, that’s what ray’s attempts to hide his emotions feel like to me. ray is constantly in danger of losing isabella’s trust, whether that be by revealing he may be a little more attached to the other kids than he lets on or by showing too much emotion that the other kids start to wonder what the hell’s going on. ray has to constantly hide and cover up his emotions with more palatable ones for others out of fear of looking out of place or being seriously hurt, and well if that doesn’t just describe autistic masking to a tee i don’t know what does.

maybe one of the things that gets me the most about that is that he's essentially been masking for about half of his life, and doing that for any extended period of time is extremely draining. ray has been drained to the point that he will have full meltdowns when put under any sort of stress and when you take into account the fact that he already has pretty severe anger issues as a result of his trauma, it's really no wonder he has such a short fuse.

lack of a filter when speaking

ray is a very blunt person. he speaks matter-of-factly and he wastes no time in getting straight to his point, sometimes with only a single sentence:

the way he talks is also pretty significant, as he generally has a more monotone way of speaking. he really only yells when he gets really worked up which like i said, happens a lot, but there’s almost no inbetween for him. pre-escape, he tries to show as little emotion in his voice as possible outside of his outbursts.

as for post-escape ray, he does seem to show much more emotion in the way he speaks. its a bit harder to judge, as nothing past the escape arc was ever adapted into the anime (s2 isnt real it cant hurt you) but his facial expressions become much more varied and it’s easy to say his vocal inflections likely do as well. however, what we can say for sure is that he remains just as blunt as ever:

no matter how comfortable he becomes with expressing himself, this aspect of his speech never seems to change.

while we’re on the topic of his speaking mannerisms please also direct your attention to these panels:

these need no explanation.

sensory issues. so many sensory issues

briefly moving back to the subject of ray’s hands, i couldn’t help but notice during my countless s1 rewatches that they are almost never just resting at his sides. if he's not using his hands for unnecessary gestures they are either shoved into his pockets, or he's crossing his arms. it's very likely his arms default to these positions because they offer a sort of sense of security, the former keeping his hands covered and the latter keeping him more closed off, almost like he's constantly hugging himself. basically, ray is a 'likes to feel covered and secure' autistic and if he was buried in weighted blankets he'd probably love it.

also tying into the ‘likes to feel covered’ aspect of ray’s autism is this scarf he acquires sometime during the volume 12 timeskip:

it’s a well known autistic thing to get attached to articles of clothing and wear them as much as possible, and boy does ray get attached to this scarf. i can count 2 post-timeskip scenes off the top of my head that have him not wearing this scarf, and the image on the right takes place a full 2 years after the left one in canon. he has no explicitly stated emotional attachment to this scarf and we don’t even know how he got it, just that he almost never takes it off. it could easily be seen as a comfort item, maybe he just likes the way the fabric feels or the extra coverage it offers him. there is post-canon content that depicts him without it, but the fact that he wore it almost nonstop for at least 2 years straight is still pretty significant.

another sensory thing i feel is worth mentioning is that ray seems to have a very specific tolerance threshold for physical contact. he seems fine initiating touch himself, and touches from emma and norman are generally alright, likely because they are the only people he has openly allowed himself to be close with his entire life. sudden touches from others however, are a different story. the one that immediately comes to mind is this interaction with don:

don in particular is someone ray becomes pretty close to, and i would say that besides the obvious growth with emma and norman, don is likely the person we see the most development with with in terms of their relationship. him having this reaction to a hug from someone he’s so close to seems indicative of some issues with unexpected contact.

and finally one of my absolute favorite things the anime added, which is ray experiencing what looks a lot like sensory overload:

this takes place right after the argument with isabella, which ended with him being knocked to the floor and locked up in a room by himself, so its needless to say that he’s pretty shaken up. he gets so overwhelmed that all he can do is yell and desperately reach for any sort of stimulation to keep him grounded, curling in on himself and aggressively ruffling up his hair. i genuinely cannot think of an allistic explanation for this scene.

and basically, he is just so autistic

all in all, theres some pretty damn solid evidence for ray being autistic and whether it was intentional or not, the sheer amount of autism-coding present in ray’s writing is almost impossible to ignore. i love some good projection but i don’t even need to do that much, hes just doing this all on his own. in conclusion:

#skye's ramblings #WELL. IT TOOK ABT AN ENTIRE DAY BUT HERE IT IS. READ MY ESSAY BOY #thank god for tublrs extended image limit am i right. had to switch to my laptop a third of the way through so it would let me add more <3 #and small shoutout to @fullscoreshenanigans for telling me how to make the gifs HGFGKJD #anywyay i had fun w this ray is so dear to me didyou know i love ray. ray #i am going to do something wild (putting a non-art post in the main tags) so hi tpn fandom i talk a lot. here's autism #the promised neverland #tpn #yakusoku no neverland #tpn ray

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sopranoentravesti · 1 year

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Ok I’m FINALLY in a place where I have a minute and brain space to recount some of my Convention highlights:

I got 2 hugs from Nana Visitor. And she told me I look good as a Bajoran, asked me what I do, and when I told her, she asked what I do to take care of myself.

I also got told by multiple people that my eyes look similar to Nana’s (brown eyes next to the nose ridge?)

On Saturday, I wore my Kippah with my cosplay, going from Morning Services to Convention.

At one point, Robert Picardo was talking and John Billingsley was crouching down in order to surprise him and his face turned red. I thought he was having a heart attack.

I put my hand on his shoulder and was like “sir, are you okay,” until someone was like “he’s fine he’s just heckling Bob Picardo.”

Thankfully, he didn’t notice

I was a bit late for my photo with the (present) members of the DS9 cast. They had to bring Penny Johnson-Jerald back, but everyone was very gracious, understanding, and sweet.

“Who am I taking a picture with! Oh my goodness, you are too cute,” she (Penny Johnson-Jerald) also wanted to know my first and last name

They stationed Rosie, my Rollator, “center seat.” Terry Farrell complimented my vest, which I crocheted myself, and very excitedly told me she just learned how to crochet.

(I commented that despite my disability, I am unable to sit still and was taught to cope with hyperactivity and keep myself from fidgeting too bad).

J.G. Hertzler at one point approached me and was like “that [my Rollator] looks handy! Can I take a seat?” And growl chuckled and clapped my shoulder ( Klingon friendly style) when I was like “that is not honorable.”

Later he stopped me again. Apparently, one of his loved ones has MS, uses a rollator, but unlike Rosie, hers is not upright, and they are worried about it contributing to back problems. He wanted to know more, how to find one.

I asked Siddig a somewhat rambling question about Julian’s disability, Eugenics, and how that may have affected his relationship to other disabled characters, and disability in trek vs our Society as a whole.

I had my hand up for a minute and he was like “relax, you got next question” I was kind of embarrassed but then he was like “I don’t think you’re hyperactive, I just want you to not exhaust yourself“

He listened attentively, and he gave a vent like answer where he was like “I see your concerns about Star Trek obscuring / erasing disability… my general thoughts are that we are all racist (i was born in Arab Africa, in Sudan, riddled by geopolitical conflicts, Africans are also racist) we are all ableist, and all have the potential to be disabled . And unfortunately, it’s your job to appeal to me as an able bodied person, and my job to appeal to [another audience member] as a brown person …And why we need to work to change laws first, before we work on everything else. Sorry, didn’t mean to get all political.”

Later, I was sitting outside the venue for mingling because of autism ears and photosensitivity.

And he approached me and was like “hey, how are you doing? I just wanted to check in on you.”

Naturally, I aspirated my saliva and stammered something about avoiding the noise and migraines.

I didn’t think he remembered my name (one point I was attempting to steer around him and he was like “so sorry, sweet thing,”) but later when he was signing my autograph! He did! I did have to spell it, but I usually do anyways bc it’s spelled not the typical way.

At one point, I dropped a change of clothes I had packed and Bonnie Gordon came up to me “Darling, I thought your days as a stripper were over.”

Thank goodness I developed a tolerance for making a damn fool of myself.

There’s so much more. I met many cool people, including several folks I knew previously only on tumblr (hi, @xenobotanist @philosopherking1887 @cardassiangoodreads @ettaberrytea and multiple others I am forgetting just now) I got to hang out IRL with some people from the SidCity Social Club, which previously I only lurked at.

I’m still absolutely filled up with warmth. Like I can take anything

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eos0anemone · 7 months

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Analysis: Genshin Impact Autistic characters - KOKOMI

This is going to be a section in my blog talking about which Genshin characters I think fit very well inside the autism spectrum. If we know Hoyoverse's record, we know that they're not autism friendly (*cof cof* cure for autism in Tears of Themis *cof cof*) but well, neurotypical people accidentally writing neurodivergent characters happens a lot, and at the end of day, it is free to our own interpretation how we see them.

I want to open this section with my favourite Genshin character: Sangonomiya Kokomi. I relate to her a lot (partially the reason why I'm convinced she's autistic) but keep reading if you want to know specifically why I think she is.

INTRODUCTION

Kokomi is a 5 star character, Hydro catalyst from Inazuma. Lorewise, she is Watatsumi's Divine Priestess; in other words, the leader of Watatsumi Island, a small town that relies a lot on fishing and agriculture to subsist.

In terms of 'waifu-uwu', Kokomi is your average overworked waifu who shows a shy demeanor, steady leadership but delicate presence. Is very feminine presenting, has a quirky military side and shows a soft spot for traveller, probably because she falls in love with him too (and yeah, I talk specifically about Aether because we know who thinks this way). A lot of western people, especially men, also reduce her to this stereotype common in Genshin Impact women.

However, we can take some more steps and see in depth everything that Kokomi has to offer.

HYPERFIXATIONS

One of the aforementioned cliches is actually true: Kokomi is an overworked woman, but not in the same way as Ganyu or Keqing, for example. While they overwork themselves because they seem to enjoy being occupated or feeling useful, Kokomi's job is a responsability that she actually doesn't wan't: just by reading her voice-overs (More About Sangonomiya Kokomi: IV), we discover that what she really wanted to do was study military strategy and become an adviser.

And this is one of the most interesting points about Kokomi: she loves military strategy. While some people reduce it to a quirky trait, I think it can be clearly interpreted as an autistic hyperfixation. Not only Kokomi is presented to us as a girl who is an expert on this field (Archon quest was so horribly written that it doesn't do her justice, but canonically she is very smart and a strategy master), but she also tells us on voice-overs that she loves military books the most (Chat: Reading), and wanted it to be her full-time job.

The least we can say is that it is her passion, one that fuels her motivation so much, just like how autism or writing fuels mine to the point of wanting to work on that field and enjoying it on my spare time or when I'm regulating myself.

BURNOUT AND MASKING

In relation to the last point, there's another reason as to why Kokomi preferred to be a military advisor rather than the island leader: social interaction.

As stated in both voice-overs and her quest, social interaction exhausts Kokomi to the point she 'gets negative'. She also tells us (Sangonomiya Kokomi's Troubles) that she's not good at communicating with others, and that putting on her Divine Priestess airs helps her with it. Kokomi is a clear case of a women who does masking in order to survive socialization with other people, and in this case, her being a figure of authority well-respected and loved by her people helps her a lot with the interactions she's forced to endure day by day. I see myself on this, because I too feel more at ease interacting with other people if I have a title that gives me clues about how others will be talking to me (being the class rep, an administrator...) but it still exhausts you, and usually it is even more tiring because you have to keep up to extra expectations. The 'getting negative' references being so burn out that you can't keep masking anymore, making you seem gloomy/uninterested/rude/clueless.

In Kokomi's quest Dracaena Somnolenta, we learn that when Kokomi is too tired of social interaction, she hides for a while on a cave where she sleeps and reads books in solitude. That is decompression. All autistic people need it to regulate their bodies and mind.

For Kokomi, this decompression time is very important, but also a secret she has. Social interactions represent a sensory overload for her, and we can see it on her dialogues during Dracaena Somnolenta, especially when we go find her to the cave:

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Oh... you noticed? I guess I haven't quite mastered the ability to hide how I'm feeling. I'll keep working at it... (masking)

Sangonomiya Kokomi: To be honest, I'm not really cut out to be a leader. At first, my dream was to read up on military strategy and perhaps become an adviser. (another hint to her hyperfixation)

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Constantly communicating with people, trying to retain their morale, having to read between the lines, making sure everyone gets the recognition they deserve... It's such hard work. (more masking, she has to force herself to do all these things because it doesn't naturally come to her)

(...)

Sangonomiya Kokomi: So whenever I feel overwhelmed, I come here to just lose myself in a book and relax for a while... (decompression)

Kokomi also explains that she uses spoon theory to regulate her energy. Spoon theory is a method created by Miserandino and it is used to ration our energy during the day. So yeah, Kokomi literally uses for herself a method that is directed to disabled people; whether it is autistic individuals, people with chronic illneses and pain, etc.

In her case, she writes it on her diary, adding or substracting points according to the tasks she has done and the events that happened to her. Traveller, whether it be Aether or Lumine, seem to be an individual that Kokomi trusts and feels comfortable with; so much that their presence doesn't disregulate her, but actually does the opposite. I don't like to think of it as a romantic thing, but rather as a platonic neurodivergent bond that they both share with each other.

A cute detail is that she also speaks loudly about those energy points with people she trusts, like Traveller and Paimon. I think it's beautiful when neurodivergent people feel free to explain out loud the 'weird' things they do after enduring so much masking.

SENSORY REGULATION

Although I already touched the most important points as to why I think Kokomi is autistic, there are some others I want to emphasize, being one of them sensory regulation and disregulation.

Kokomi is clearly disregulated by social interaction, and uses reading books, resting alone and militar strategy as a decompression mechanism. She also enjoys diving, and as she says, it fills her heart with peace even if the world underseas isn't bright and sunny like the dry land. Water can be very pleasant for some autistic people due to the stimuli and the temperature (I, for example, love swimming but hate being wet and wrinkled afterwards), and I like to think that, when Kokomi is at her limit, she goes diving to calm her mind (this is a headcanon lol, unless I missed something on lore).

Kokomi also dislikes seafood (fish, crustaceans...) and it's funny because I also hate seafood due to it's texture and flavour. Her favourite food, Bird Egg Sushi, is described by her as both 'simple' and 'simple to prepare'. Now I could be analyzing too deeply, but autism and sensory problems with food usually go hand in hand, making us prefer the simplest food possible and avoiding dishes with too much things on them, strong flavours or unpredictable textures... So yeah, Kokomi also fits this.

JUSTICE AND MORALS

Kokomi is leader of Watatsumi Island and goes against the Vision Hunt Decree that Raiden Shogun imposes on Inazuma. As she states on her voice-over (About Raiden Shogun) she doesn't feel rightfully to categorize or criticize Raiden Shogun's actions as good or bad. However, as she fights against it for the welfare of her people, we can assure that she does fight back against things she considers an injustice, even if it burns her out; just because that's what is right.

She also shows a great worry about all her people. If it's raining, she thinks about the fishermans who may not be able to return. The soldiers that died under her charge are in her mind even when she has agreed to not talk about them out loud. That should ideally be the average prototype of a leader, but just by watching Raiden Shogun we can agree that it is, in fact, not it. Seeing Kokomi, a woman who dislikes social interaction and burns herself to fulfill her duty, being at the same time so empathetic, considerate and kind to her people is something I see in a lot of neurodivergent people. The urge to please and help others the best you can do, even if it means sacrificing yourself in the process; not healthy at all, but so pure at the same time.

Kokomi also says something interesting on one of her voice-overs (Chat: Fish) which is that 'respect must be given to the will of every creature'. It is no mistery that she loves sea creatures so much, and I also think that the reason she dislikes seafood is because of this same thought about respecting all lives in nature. Not a very important point, but worth to mention.

I think I covered all the points I wanted to talk about, but if I forgot about anything, I'll update the analysis and add it.

There are a lot of characters I want to talk about apart from Kokomi (Albedo, Alhaitham, Sucrose, Freminet, Fischl, Noelle, Chongyun, Shenhe...) but I will take it slow to bring them all here. Autism spectrum is so colorful and endless that each character has significant but different traits, and I'll cover them up little by little.

This is the end of the post, I will return tomorrow with more things to say.

But here's a little cute Kokomi ❤️

#kokomi #sangonomiya kokomi #genshin impact #genshin #eos #eos autism #autism #autism spectrum #neurodiversity #character analysis #autistic women #analysis of autistic genshin impact characters #asd #neurodivergent #burnout #sensory overload #eos video games

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iwannabealocalcryptid · 2 months

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UGH THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT! YALL WILL NOT BELIEVE THE SHIT MY PSYCH SAID TO ME (as in you will but it's bullshit)

I asked to look into getting an official autism diagnosis because I'd like to be able to have an indisputable piece of paper so I can get accommodations easier and my fuckin dad will finally believe me and this MOTHERFUCKER goes "no, I don't think you're autistic, you're so nice and friendly"

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK????

NICE AND FRIENDLY???? YOU DONT THINK AUTISTIC PEOPLE ARE NICE AND FRIENDLY???

And so I fuckin tell him. I know so many autistics and they're all cool and friendly and amicable.

And then he switches to not thinking it because I don't fit his narrow view of what an autistic person is like!! Because I'm not a "classic white boy train autistic" and then he goes on some spiel about "true autism" and how "true" autistics can't function

So I tell him thats ableist af

And then he switches to "Well its not going to change anything because you're clearly high functioning and your job won't give a shit so why bother"

Why bother? WHY BOTHER????? BITCH YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WITH YOUR MEDICAL DEGREE SHOULD FUCKING KNOW HOW MUCH A DIAGNOSIS CAN MATTER

Stupid motherfucker

#rant #vent #vent post #autism #autistic #autism diagnosis #im fuckin pissed yall #im going to kill a man i think #and eat his degree because bitch dont deserve it #autistic things #autistic adult #mental health #psychatrists are assholes apparently

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ufolvr · 7 months

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Bruno Langstrom

Age: adult, definitively (fluctuates between early 20s to early 30s depending on the situation);

Pronouns: he/they/it;

Height: 180+cm, taller than bruce and definitely taller than his father;

Aliases: Cockatrice;

Species: mutant plumed basilisk;

Alignment: Neutral Bad-ish;

Media: The Batman 2004, Teen Titans.

Read under the cut for more info and a small bio + f/os i pair with him!

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

Skills:

Wall climbing

Super speed

Toxic bite

Petrifying stare

Versatile, strong tail

Temperature regulation

Color changing

Prehensile tongue

Limb regeneration (arms, legs and tail)

Other:

Hand to hand combat

Great reflexes

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

Relationships

Kirk Langstrom: father

Ragdoll, Firefly, Bane, Freeze, Psimon*: crushes/partners/etc

Batman, Penguin, Catwoman, Killer Croc: friendly

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

Bruno's origins are murky and hard to pin down. Aside from being Kirk Langstrom's awkward and reclusive son, not much is known about how they met or why. Mostly because I kept trying to come up with an explanation but it was so frustrating I stopped.

He's been with Langstrom for years though, hard to say exactly how long. Kirk raised him in secrecy - he might be fucked up but he did the job well. Bruno never really got a chance to interact with the outside world, save for a few occasions - Kirk was rightfully worried he'd be targeted and hunted down for being what he was.

After the Batman made himself known to the public, and Kirk's obsession with him grew worse, their relationship strained slightly. This of course eventually culminate in the events of The Man Who Would Be Bat, but Bruno never stopped worrying about him. Sure, his father might be able to turn into a blood sucking monstrosity now - but they do love each other.

Needless to say that after Kirk is arrested, Bruno is left alone and afraid. The world he knew came crumbling down on him, and his only way to solve this - in his eyes - was by getting Kirk out of Arkham somehow. Confused, isolated and hopeless, Bruno becomes a petty thief for that exact desperate purpose.

Truth be told, Bruno would manage not to land himself in prison, regardless of what he stole. I actually Like this version of Batman, and feel like he, more than any other, would sympathize with Bruno's situation, and promise he'd get his father the help he needed (actual psychiatric attention for a start), and, in exchange, Bruno returned all the stolen goods in his possession.

This doesn't really change much in the public's opinion of Bruno though. He's a monster in their eyes, and they want him arrested - or killed, for tall they care. Bruno is forced to live in the shadows after exposing himself like that - and eventually he might turn for the worse. We'll just have to wait and see how he ends up.

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

Notes:

Yes Bruno is considerably OP and full of powers he shouldn't have. The trade off for this is that he's extremely shy and horrible at Doing things bc of just how sheltered he is - Bruno is incredibly naive and easily fooled.

He does 'wisen up' with time but oh god he's a freak at first. Peak autism animal. His immediate response to being surprised or flustered in general was Biting or Petrifying People.

His age sliding thing is bc I'm still younger than like, every F/O I listed for him so it doesn't matter.

* → I'll be using Psimon's Young Justice design and personality when I pair him up with Bruno, because I don't care about any other. This means I'll insert him where he doesn't belong or fit and replace his other self (like in TT).

I'll do the same for Kirk if I decide to put Bruno in BTAS, but for now I just don't care enough about that show to say for sure!

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sometimesvaguelyfunny · 1 month

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From the heart of all autistic people, we kindly ask you to:

1. Not delay or quit plans in the same day, unless really urgent. Try to give a heads up, we don’t like context switching and you can fuck up our entire day, even week

2. Don’t change the plan again because your plans changed. This is also context switching.

3. DO NOT KNOCK ON MY DOOR UNANNOUNCED ONE HOUR EARLIER THAN OUR PROGRAM I WAS MENTALLY PREPARING TO SEE YOU

4. Don’t change the plan again because you feel like doing something else

5. Don’t tell me I am overreacting when I tell you politely that I want you to not do this.

6. Don’t start again next week under the pretense that “oh you posted on insta that you cooked something and I took it as an invitation”

Just… I know this stuff is normal to neurotypical people. I really do. But it affects me a lot as an autistic person. You really affect my energy levels. I can’t put on the mask on command, I need time to prepare or I might be bedbound for days, you can affect my job, my family life, I might not sleep at all. I don’t know why I’m like this. I know you want to be friendly and spontaneous and I have no ill intent. But I have this boundary just like many autistic people do and it hurts me deeply when you cross it. And it hurts MORE that you insist that I imagine the side effects and I should just try walking in nature, a detox or melatonin. This is autism and it won’t change just like a fucking leg wouldn’t grow up if you think happy fucking thoughts.

#actually autistic #actually adhd #autism #autistic things #autistic adult

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thetalkingwave · 5 hours

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Happy last day of Autism Awareness Month!

My story is a bit of a long one, and I will be omitting some factors regarding upbringing, but I hope it's amusing, or at the very least interesting~

At 4 years old, I was considered near a full mute- I was social, playful, but I wouldn't say anything beyond a whisper or two to my sister and my folks. Many asked when I was a teenager why that had ever been the case and I could never find an explanation for it.

It ended up being a running joke to my older relatives that the reason it was the case was that 'talking is what starts trouble'. I stuck by that notion, but as this was the early 2000s, I understand why this wasn't scrutinized beyond a talk with a speech councilor as to whether or not I would be fit for a traditional school.

Adjacent explanations, the not quite answers, would be commonplace for any bizarre behavior to follow.

When I was 6 years old, my mom had taken me and my sister to a store to buy new clothes- the first time doing so outside of school uniforms since we had moved to Texas.

A few outfits- the catch being we both had to come out with at least two pairs of pants.

I hated pants. Shorts were the most I'd wear, but I couldn't stand how tight they felt, or how the fabric brushed against my legs. I could only go halfway on trying them on before I roughly tossed them aside, squirming and on the verge of tears.

I was just "an extreme girly girl". But pants are needed for messier outdoor activities, so I walked out with fabric that didn't make my skin crawl.

I caught pneumonia at 8 years old for a similar reason- jacket collars brushing against my neck made me feel like I was suffocating. I would wear them for a short while or forgo them entirely.

Unzipping just under the neck didn't cross anyone's minds, but the compromise was either a thicker sweater or a comfortable thinner one underneath so the jacket wouldn't be directly touching my skin.

When I was 15, I had unknowingly unmasked. I wouldn't have considered myself popular; charming would have fit more.

Revealing my analysis of others (in the love for linguistics) was a dire mistake.

At 17-19, anytime I was caught stimming, I would immediately stop.

At age 21, after a harrowing day at work prior, I reached a breaking point. My right hand wouldn't stop shaking.

'A seizure, A seizure!' Was heralded by near all surrounding me.

'Nothing wrong', said the brain scan.

A week passed. It slowed down. A few days passed after that.

It completely stopped.

I was left wondering why something so horrifying felt so familiar.

At age 22, I started a new job. Curiosity peaked for some, but for most...It was shrugged.

Suddenly, something clicked.

"Wait...am I...hired?"

"I...wouldn't be asking these questions if you weren't?"

No malice, no mocking intent behind any question.

Eye contact wasn't a requirement. I no longer felt nauseous.

Early on, I was halted by an older woman I had become friendly with.

"Que traes?" (What do you 'got'?)

"En general? Autismo." (In general? Autism.)

She elbowed another coworker, the blatant appearance of "I told you so" on her face.

"You're a little odd."

I laugh in agreement.

"You've become much more open since you've started here. I'm proud of you."

It's been over a year and I'm still at this job.

At my final day of being 23, I finally get to reveal one of my biggest secrets, the first person who knew being the man I love.

The other incidents were signs, but this is my favorite giveaway.

At age 6-7, I developed a hyper fixation.

The process intrigued me, the way the elements all came together to compliment each other. A meatball sub, a BLT, a torta, ETC.

The sheer amount of joy I experienced when I had tried a Reuben for the first time could only compare to my passion of drawing.

My childhood dream was to make sandwiches, and it was unfortunately denied of its existence when I realized then and there it wasn't at all common for a child to have that interest.

My current and most long running job?

A gourmet grocery store.

The position?

Sandwich Bar.

And now it's something that those I work with on there already know.

#the wave's text #personal #autism #long post #(oki dokes bed time xD)#(I have to get used to speaking about my background in writing but it's a skill that can surely be built)

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