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ourloveisforthelovely · 1 year

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The Words "Best Friends" Become Redefined. Part 2

Regulus Black AU

Summary: You had been Regulus’ friend since childhood and now his mistress. The war had changed many things, Regulus among them. Now its time to decide if you should put your self-worth over missing someone who was gone.

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader

Rating: M- smut

Song in Chapter: King of Wishful Thinking by Go West

Link to Part 1

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I'll get over you, I know I will. I'll pretend my ship's not sinking and I'll tell myself I'm over you. 'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking.

Your eyes snapped open as the song on the radio began to register in your sleep-deprived mind. Groaning, you sat up and threw a shoe at the radio knocking it off of your chest of drawers. Anything about being “the queen of wishful thinking” made you want to barf.

It had been several weeks since the night at the pub and you were no closer to getting over Regulus than you were on day one. Every day seemed to be the same, emotionally. You would wake up, cry a little, get mad at yourself for being sad (because you were right and he was wrong), then get up and force yourself to put on a happy face.

Regulus wasn’t helping any matters by sending you letters every single day. He had sent you the emerald bracelet that you returned several times before you finally gave up and just kept it. When it came to the letters, you just gave them to Sirius to do whatever he wanted with them.

Sirius

You were more thankful than ever for your friendship with the elder Black brother. He was always a willing ear when you needed to rant. Sirius also took extra care to not tell Remus anything about the true nature of your relationship with Regulus. For all that Remus knew, in your mind, was your friendship with Regulus had ended and you were being a royal grouch about it.

Sighing, your mind went to the previous night when you were once again raging about Regulus to Sirius.

“I’m a real idiot, Sirius. I go around throwing away perfectly good boyfriends. Well, I don’t know if he considered himself my boyfriend but god damn it…Regulus is such a freaking jerk!”

Sirius sat on the couch watching.

“You’re still wearing his ring.”

You looked down at your hand. The ring that Regulus had given you years ago was still sitting proudly on your finger.

“I know that I am! I am a mess, Sirius. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. All I want to do is cry. You know me, I’m not a crier! I can handle a crisis!”

Sirius smirked.

“A trait that you share with your brother so well…look, love, just because you love him doesn’t mean he’s good for you…hey look at me being the responsible one. Normally that’s your brother's job”

You groaned dramatically before sitting down.

“I know you are right but I don’t want to accept it. I am having a shit time at just throwing away a ten-year friendship and slight love affair. Why wasn’t I good enough for Regulus to fight for? Why couldn’t he say no to your family’s psycho ways and fight for me? Am I not…”

Sirius held a hand up.

“I’m just going to stop you right there, Y/n. You are more than good enough! You have always been good enough! Personally, I think that you are too good for the bum. Now come with me, we are going to do something. I want no complaining.”

You reluctantly followed Sirius into your bedroom. He led you to your full-sized mirror and put you in front of it.

“Now I want you to stand here, look at yourself, and tell me some of your best qualities.”

You gave your friend a frown only to earn a slap to the behind.

“I’m your best friend. I can do that…now get going, sugar bean.”

You sighed and looked at your reflection for a moment before meeting Sirius’ waiting eyes.

“I’m smart. I’m a good friend. I’ll fight for those I care about no matter the cost. I have a giving heart…I may be a sass queen…”

Sirius snorted.

“May be?”

You chuckled before turning around and hugging Sirius.

‘“Thank you, Sirius.”

Getting out of bed, you felt somewhat better. While Sirius could drive you crazy, he also knew how to make you feel a lot better.

He really does remind me of Regulus.

A truer thought couldn’t have been said about that one. Whether they argued and swore that they were totally different. Regulus and Sirius’ friendship styles were extremely similar. Standing in you in front of the mirror and making you list off good qualities about yourself was definitely something that Regulus would have done.

Stepping into the shower, you sighed in relief as the hot water washed over your aching muscles. In addition to your poor state of mental health, you had been pulling extra duties for The Order. This meant nightly patrols, tons of research, and spying on unsuspecting death eaters with Sirius and Remus.

“Hi sugar, I know that you miss me.”

You froze. This had been the first time that you had heard Regulus’ voice in your mind. Legilimency. Of course, Regulus could do this. You internally smacked yourself in the head as you “chose” to ignore him.

“Oh, you’re still not talking to me, huh? That’s too bad. I miss you, princess. Do you really expect me to go from spending every day with you for ten years to nothing so easily? I miss everything about you.”

You closed your eyes. Even though you were quite good at Occlumency, you made no move to push Regulus from your mind. Maybe you were asking for what you were getting. Maybe you were being weak…but damn it was wonderful to hear Regulus’ voice in your mind.

“Still nothing? Y/n, you really are being so stubborn. Maybe you should know what I miss. I miss seeing your beautiful face underneath me. How beautiful you look after I kiss your lips until they’re swollen and your cheeks are flushed bright pink. I miss how desperate you get when I suck on those dusty nipples. I miss how you move under me. You can’t tell me, love, that you don’t miss how your pussy trembles when I’m pushing in. Don’t forget, sweetheart, that it was I that showed you how to please a man. Now, that I know you are wet, how about a word? Anything…tell me where you are and I’ll come to you. We can fix all of these nasty little issues that we are having and get back to us…the real us.”

You bit your lip at “the real us.” Regulus didn’t remember what the real “Regulus and Y/n” was. He forgot what your friendship meant. He forgot what actual love was…

Forcing Regulus’ voice from your mind, you quickly turned off the shower.

“I have got to keep him out of my mind.”

You spent the majority of the day trying your best to avoid having your mind fall back to Regulus. Thankfully, there was enough crazy going on at the ministry to keep you busy for hours. The less that Regulus graced your mind the better. You weren’t able to sit around and think about his cocky voice in your head that morning…and how deliciously deep his voice sounded.

Merlin, I am really fucked.

You thought before putting your head down on your desk. Maybe you were more screwed than your realized?

Later that day you were more than happy to meet Remus and Sirius for dinner at a bar. Seeing your friends was just what you needed to “get out of your head.” The moment that you walked into the bar, Sirius motioned you over to the table.

Taking off your jacket, you nearly collapsed at the table. Normally, you would have kissed Remus and Sirius both on the top of their heads. Today, that wasn’t happening. Both men looked slightly offended as you held your hand up.

“Rain check. What a day! I am beat!”

You commented as Remus slid you a glass of fire whiskey. He gave you a small smile. Remus wasn’t a fool. He knew that there was more to your friendship with Regulus ending than what he was being told. Remus wanted nothing more than to question you and then go kill Regulus…but that would get him nowhere. You were depressed enough as it was. If he “offed” Regulus, you would be inconsolable. If Remus was to do anything, it would be to let you tell him in your own time.

What is it with Lupins finding the Blacks so damn interesting?

Remus looked across the table at Sirius who gave him a small smile.

Oh, that…that right there.

Remus added to his thoughts before turning to you.

“Long day?

You nodded.

“We don’t have many short ones any longer. I swear, this war needs to hurry the hell up. I don’t think that I was meant for this being careful thing. I ran into Augustus Rockwood today and had to stop myself from saying you’re next mother fucker.”

Sirius giggled.

“I’m surprised that you didn’t. Y/n, I have to say that Remus and yourself are the sassiest people that I know.”

“Does that assessment include yourself?”

Remus asked, cheekily. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“See what I mean? Sass!”

You leaned back in your chair and took a sip of your whiskey as the lights in the bar went out. Immediately, you reached for your wand as some death eaters walked into the bar.

“Boy, they sure like to make a big entrance.”

You murmured as Remus, Sirius, and yourself dropped to the floor. Remus’ eyes were wide as he turned to you.

“Get out. There is an exit in the back. Sirius and I will take the exit over there. If we all go together it will draw too much attention. If you want to go with Sirius, I’ll go the back way.”

You shook your head. The last thing that you were about to do was let them be separated. Besides, you could handle getting out on your own.

“No, just go. I’ll meet you lot back home.”

You whispered before crawling off toward the back of the pub as people in the bar started screaming. As much as you wanted to go back and fight, you knew it would be stupid. The three of you were outnumbered.

Once in the other room, you moved to stand up but someone grabbed you from behind. You quickly threw your elbow back hitting whoever it was in the ribs. When they made a painful moan, you pulled away enough to get a good look at who it was.

“Going somewhere, sugar?

You froze as Regulus took off his mask. As much as you wanted to stand and stare at him, you couldn’t. Taking out your wand you launched hex after hex at Regulus only for him to repel them away. You wanted him to hurt as much as you were hurting!

“Come on sugar is that the best you’ve got?”

Regulus said, sounding bored. You stopped and glared at him. You wanted Regulus to feel your misery. If there was anything of the man that you cared about in there…you wanted him to see your side.

“I don’t kill things. Unlike you, I don’t hurt people that I care about.”

Regulus chuckled.

“Oh, sugar. You really are mad.”

You picked up an empty bottle and threw it at Regulus. He sighed as it only hit him in the chest.

“Go away, Regulus. If you’re going to kill me then just be a man and do it.”

You snapped. Regulus was about to reply but stopped the moment that he heard Lucius Malfoy’s voice. He stood motionless for a moment before rushing forward and wrapping his arms around you.

“Don’t scream. Be silent.”

He hissed before standing his body upright. The last thing that Regulus wanted was for Malfoy to have any idea that he had “company.”

“Black, we need to go. Nothing that we came for is here. It was another piece of bloody useless information.”

You stood wrapped in Regulus’ arms clutching tightly to his death-eater robes as he gently rubbed soothing circles on your back.

Soothing…what is happening here?

You thought before taking a moment and breathing him in. Never in a million years did you think that you would ever be in Regulus’ arms like this again…yet here you were. There you were and he was holding you just as he did before turning away from you.

“I knew it was a waste of time. Go ahead, I’ll be along shortly. There is something else that I need to take care of.”

Regulus replied. He waited until he was positive that Malfoy was gone before letting go of you. When you looked back at your love’s face, he looked ready to panic. His cool calm composure was gone.

“Take the second door and get out of here. Turn into your animagus form the instant you are outside and don’t turn back into a human until you are home. Run and don’t look back…just run.”

“Reg..I…”

He shook his head before pulling you into a kiss. Neither of you moved away from the other for a moment. It was savoring the moment… enjoying the closeness that both of you missed. You sighed as Regulus’ tongue caressed yours. This was the kiss that you missed…the kiss that you longed for in your dreams…

Regulus was the first to pull away.

“Go! Stop wasting time…just please…go.”

You gave him one final look before morphing into your cat animagus form and rushing out the door into the dark silence of the ally way…

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noonaishere · 3 months

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Online/Offline [C.S] - twenty-five | can I pick her up? can I tell her I love her? will she get mad?

Wooyoung rang the doorbell and you clapped your hands together as you waited in the hall with Wooyoung and Yeosang.

“Are you okay?” Wooyoung asked.

“I’m excited to see a cat.”

Wooyoung and Yeosang laughed.

“Do you parents still have Beanie?”

“Beanie?” Wooyoung asked. “Your cat is named ‘Beanie’?”

“Yeah, his mom was named Porky.”

Wooyoung sighed, and leaned against the wall dramatically.

Yeosang smiled at his reaction.

“What? Don’t tell me you hate it.”

“I’m… I’m so upset I didn’t think of that first. Please tell me Porky was fat.”

“She was fat--”

“Who was fat?” San asked as he opened the door.

“One of my parents’ cats.”

“Oh,” he chuckled and let you all into the apartment. “Come in, I have food-- Baby, come’re!” He shouted into the apartment.

A somewhat chubby yet chic siamese ran over to greet you as you came in.

San picked her up and gave her a hug and held her so you could pet her. “This is her majesty, Byeol.”

You held out your hand so she could smell it, and she did, and then full-forced headbutted your hand with her face and rubbed all over it. You gasped quietly, eyes welling with tears as you felt what could only be given by a cat: the kind of regal acceptance of a monarch to their subject.

“She likes me.”

San smiled. Once you were done he set her back onto the floor and she rubbed all over your legs.

You reached out for San and whispered. “San, she likes me.”

San held your hands and laughed.

“I’m really going to cry, I haven’t seen a cat since I moved out of my parents house-- except for visiting them. I miss cats. Can I pick her up? Can I tell her I love her? Will she get mad?”

“No, she likes being picked up. You can hold her like a baby.”

You scooped Byeol up as San said and she slow-blinked at you. You looked at San and whined. He laughed at you.

“You’re so pretty,” you said as you cradled her.

“Y/n, we’re eating the food without you.” Yeosang warned.

You gave Byeol a kiss and put her back on the floor. “I’ll kill you myself, Sangie.”

He chuckled.

This non-party was like the last non-party, only with slightly less alcohol.

“Where’s your roommate?” Wooyoung asked. “I thought maybe he was in his room but he hasn’t come out.”

“He’s been at work all day. I think he’s shooting something?”

“Shooting something?” You asked.

“He’s an actor.”

“Oh, cool.”

San nodded.

“Is he popular at all?”

“I think he’s mostly been a bit part in things, but he is trying.”

You nodded. “Well, good for him.”

This time, Wooyoung and Yeosang ended up sleeping on the couch together; Yeosang functioning almost as a second mattress as Wooyoung was draped over him, or perhaps, Wooyoung was functioning as a blanket. Byeol was curled up in your lap purring like a steam engine as you petted her and talked to San.

“Do you really miss having a cat that bad?” He laughed softly.

“Who else is going to ignore me, but in a loving way? And yell at me when they think I’m going to to get them food, but I’m actually walking past it?”

He laughed again.

You smiled as you pet her. “It is lonely when you don’t have anyone around though. And obviously a cat isn’t as good of company as a person, but it’s nice to have someone to spend time with.”

He nodded. “I’m sort of surprised you and Yeosang aren’t roommates, then.”

“Oh, I only found out we were in the same building the day I moved in. Another friend of mine is the one who found the place for me.”

“Oh, why don’t you live with them, then? If you feel lonely.”

You thought about it for a moment as you pet Byeol. Should you tell him that Keeho is an idol?

“I--”

You turned to him.

“I mean, you don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No, um… He and I keep very different hours so we’d probably just end up annoying each other.”

“Ah. How long have you known each other?”

“Umm… So, I knew Yeosang all through grade school, then he moved away, and I had actually met my other friend before that but we only became friends after Yeosang left when he noticed me sitting by myself in class and asked where he was. So… early high school? We’ve been friends since then.”

“You must be close enough that you wouldn’t annoy each other like that.”

You laughed softly. “You’d think, but sometimes living with someone else can really change how you see a person. Like, if you’re neat and they’re messy or something.”

San nodded.

You sat silently for a few moments and you went back to petting Byeol.

“You’re a streamer, right?” San asked.

You nodded. “Mhm.”

“So I guess you probably stay up late, and that’s where the weird hours would come from?”

You chuckled. “Yeah. I play a lot of games by myself, too.”

His face brightened. “Oh, yeah?”

“Mhm.”

“Which ones?”

“Umm… mostly I like RPGs or chill games, but then I’ll play like… multiplayers and stuff with my friends.”

“Oh, that’s cool,” San smiled.

“I built my own computer.” You nodded.

“Shit, really?”

You nodded proudly.

“I built my own too.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. Want to see?”

“Um, yes?”

San stood and you scooped Byeol up and followed him to his room. He turned the lights on and presented the tower of his computer, which was currently off.

“What are the specs?”

“How would you feel if I said it had an Nvidia GeForce RTX 3080 Ti?”

Your eyes widened as you looked at him. Silence fell for a moment as you processed the letters and numbers you heard and gained a new appreciation for the man standing in front of you.

He smiled.

You suddenly felt that computer building could be a thing that was so… sexual.

“Don’t those need a really beefy power supply?”

He nodded. “It has it.”

“Ooooooof.” You breathed as you looked back at the tower. “I’ve never felt so envious before in my life.”

He chuckled.

“I can’t believe you dropped that much money on it.”

He shrugged. “It’d been a while since I built a new computer so I figured why not? Money’s no good unless you spend it.”

“That’s so sexy of you.”

You froze for a moment. Out of the corner of your eye you could see that San also froze. You hated that you couldn't control your penchant for speaking without thinking outside of your streams: while you were streaming it made you hilarious, in real life it made you awkward. You did the only thing you could do and deflected; lifting Byeol up and holding her so her face was in yours.

“Miss Byeol, you didn’t tell me your daddy had such incredible taste in computer parts. You shouldn’t keep secrets, you bad girl.”

San exhaled a laugh and you went back to holding her like a baby, the movement not deterring her from her eye smiles and happy purring.

“Oh, and it has LEDs,” San leaned over and turned it on, deep purple LEDs lighting up in the case as well as behind the double monitors.

“Wow. I’m a red LEDs person myself, but I can see you’re a man of taste.”

He laughed and held the power button to shut the computer off. The lights went off and everything was dark again.

“Should we go back to the living room?”

You chuckled. “I’m sure the sleepy twins are missing us terribly.”

San laughed as you turned and followed you out, turning off the lights.

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sjsmith56 · 2 months

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Chance Encounter - Part 3 + Drabble

Summary: Bucky goes the extra mile in helping Katrina during her detox. Almost a year later they celebrate multiple events.

Length: 5.2 K

Warnings: Angst, Bucky feeling guilt, cold turkey detoxification (sped up for dramatic purposes), fluff at the end and in the Drabble.

Author’s notes: This story took such a different route than my original plan. It was supposed to be a meet cute story then the idea of making the OFC Bucky’s adult daughter, with her own daughter, just kind of appeared in my head and grew from there. Plus the idea of Bucky as sexy dad and granddad was definitely appealing. I hope it resonates.

<<Part 2

🩺 🎉

Bucky didn’t go to the cafeteria for supper, staying in his quarters instead, brooding. Ignoring the sound of someone knocking on his door until Friday advised him it was Sam, led to the latter entering with a cheeseburger, fries and a couple of bottles of beer. Placing the food down in front of Bucky he opened the one beer, handing it to him, then opened the other for himself.

“She didn’t take it well,” he stated, drawing a grimace from Bucky.

“She took it better than I thought but then I told her about the kill squad and that when she comes off the suppressant, she might be uncontrollable. That’s when she closed down.” Bucky took a drink of his beer and picked up the cheeseburger, nodding at Sam before he bit into it. “Thanks.”

“Well, at least she knows the truth.” Sam reached for a fry. “You know, even if she doesn’t speak to you again, you did the right thing. She’s free of that husband, free of HYDRA and she can live the life she wants.”

“Yeah, as long as she doesn’t turn into a killer,” replied Bucky sarcastically. “She’ll have to hide her abilities to stay anonymous. SHIELD will likely have to put her into witness protection so that the CIA don’t get any ideas of using her in black ops. Life will be great for her.”

“Whoa, that turned dark,” commented Sam, taking a swig of his beer. “Give her space. She already knew you killed her parents and still went with you when you showed up at her door. She’s just dealing with all of this new information all at once.”

A grunt was Bucky’s response. As unrealistic as the idea had been, Bucky had hoped for Katrina to be more receptive to the thought of him as her father. He had even briefly thought of buying a house for all three of them, of being there for her and Anna, and doing things together as a family. Now, he was blaming himself for even having that hope, knowing it was an unrealistic fantasy. A hand waved in front of him, and he jerked back.

“What?” He glared at Sam.

“You were somewhere else,” said his partner.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I was. Sorry. I kind of got my hopes up. You know, imagining how things could be.”

“Nothing wrong with that.” Sam stood up, finishing his beer. “You going to be okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. At least, Katrina and Anna are safe now, and the docs will figure out a way to deal with the issue.”

“It will work out,” replied Sam. “Try to get some sleep.”

With a wave, he left, and Bucky finished his meal. He picked up the bottles and put them in the recycle bin in his quarters, putting the takeaway box into the garbage. Stretching, he called out to Friday to turn out the lights but was interrupted by a knock on his door. Figuring Sam forgot something he opened it and was startled to see Katrina and Anna. As soon as she saw him, she began to cry and he opened his arms to her, holding her close, as he drew her inside.

“It’s okay,” he murmured. “You’re alright.”

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “It was so much to take in and I thought I should try to figure it out by myself, but I haven’t been able to think for myself for my whole life. I’m so confused.”

“Come sit down,” he said, taking Anna from her. “Have you eaten?” She nodded. “What has you so confused?”

“Stupid things, like if you’re telling me the truth. I’ve been lied to my whole life, and I just don’t know if I can tell anymore what the truth is. I went to see Shuri and she said you’re the most honest man she knows.”

He smiled slightly. “She’s biased but she knows me very well. She’s the scientist who neutralized the trigger words that brought out the Winter Soldier and she designed my arm. What else did she tell you?”

“I couldn’t understand why you didn’t remember me, because I thought I was important to you. But in the supermarket, there was no recognition. Yet, you remembered other things that happened to you. She said HYDRA really did a lot of damage to your brain and that there were many things that you would likely never remember. Were the memories of me the ones that you’ll never get back?”

“Listen to me,” he said gently, placing Anna on his lap. “When I first saw you in the supermarket, I saw a woman who looked out of place. You seemed overwhelmed at the size of the place, the selection, the whole atmosphere. What you wanted was on the top shelf and you couldn’t reach it, but you were too afraid to ask for help. It reminded me of myself after I got away from HYDRA. So, I offered to help you as one person to another. Then when you looked at me, I could tell you recognized me, but I thought it was just like when any member of the public suddenly realizes it’s me. It wasn’t until you went to the end of the aisle and looked back at me that I had a flash of a memory that I had seen you before, but I didn’t know where. When I went to my car and saw you sitting there, it just reinforced that you were familiar. I recognized Sergei as well but couldn’t place where I had seen him, except the feeling I got from him wasn’t good. So, I got his licence plate number and Sam looked up Sergei’s information. I had his name and address but still couldn’t put the pieces together. I thought he may have been HYDRA but there were so many people that I encountered over the years I couldn’t narrow it down in my mind. But I was worried about you, because you were obviously afraid of him, even in that parking lot. So, I came to that house, and I watched through the window. When he hit you, I was ready to beat him down just on that alone. After he left, I knocked on the door and you called me Soldier, so you did know who I used to be, except when you said it, there was no fear. That didn’t make sense, even when you told me who you were and how you knew me, because I still didn’t remember. It didn’t matter because I wasn’t leaving there without you and Anna. I’m not the type of man to turn my back on anyone who needs help, and you needed it.”

“Do you remember me now?”

“Bits and pieces only,” he admitted. “Feelings, a couple of memories of me holding a child as she cried, which may have been you or it may have been my sister. After they forced me to kill your parents, my memory was wiped repeatedly, to make me forget you, then I was frozen. After I was awakened, I was wiped again and sent out on a kill mission, according to the files Sam found. They reprogrammed me to go after Steve Rogers because he was getting in the way of their plans. Until then, the public didn’t know who I was. But during a fight, my mask came off, and Steve recognized me, called me by name and that made other memories of him start pushing out. They wiped me again to go after him and I almost killed him, but a specific memory came back of us as friends and that was it, I wasn’t going back. If I had remembered you then, I would have come back for you. I would have never left you there. But they did too good of a job on my memories of you. I’m sorry.”

“So, you don’t care about me as your daughter,” she said hesitantly. “You only care for me as some woman who was in an abusive relationship.”

“No, that’s not true,” smiled Bucky, as he looked at her, then at Anna. “I lost everything because of HYDRA. My parents died without them ever knowing the truth that I survived. My sister was alive, and I did manage to meet with her before she died but all those years without her were gone forever. Steve went back to the past and he was the last person I had history with. When Sam told me that you were my daughter, it was like a part of me that I had closed up had opened again. You’re family, Katrina. You and Anna are my family. I don’t know if the old memories will come back but we can make new ones. We can get a house and live together, with a swing set in the back yard and a pet. You can go to college. Anna can go to school.”

“What about the transition? What if I turn into one of those killers? They must have thought that’s what would happen if they put me on those suppressants.”

“You’re also my daughter,” said Bucky. “I killed for them for a long time, but I haven’t killed anyone since the moment I remembered Steve for good. Shuri said it was because the good person I really am wouldn’t have done those things willingly. It’s something I struggle with but there must be some truth in it. Those killers were never good people. They were trained from a young age to have no mercy, no joy, and no love to give or receive. You’re not them. Your foster parents did love you, even though they were part of HYDRA. They tried to protect you and failed. You love Anna and you’ve protected her from the moment she was born, and you haven’t failed with her.”

“I love you, too,” she whispered, looking at her hands. Bucky felt a swell of emotion at her words. “Everyone said you were dangerous, but you never were to me. Growing up on that base was hard because only three people treated me kindly, you and my parents. Even though Pierce was polite I always knew he saw me as something to use.” She sniffed and Bucky reached into his pocket for another handkerchief, handing it to her, bringing a slight smile from her. “I’d like for us to live together. If anyone understands how hard it is to go from living as a prisoner to suddenly being free, it’s you.” She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself then looked at him again. “Can I call you Dad?”

“You can call me anything you want, sweetheart,” smiled Bucky, suddenly feeling like crying himself.

This time the hug wasn’t for comfort but for grasping at a chance for happiness. A part of Bucky that had been missing in his life was finally filled. For Katrina, she felt safe, especially knowing that this man who had looked out for her when she was a child was more. He was her father, and nothing would ever change that.

“I better get Anna to bed,” she said, as she finally pulled out of the hug. “Tomorrow, when they outline the plan to take us off the suppressants I want you there, as my dad and my friend. Then we can do what you said, make new memories, permanent ones.”

“I’ll be there,” said Bucky. “I promise.”

He stood up, kissing them both on the forehead in turn before handing her daughter back. Then he pulled them both in for another quick hug before walking them to the door. He watched them walk down the hallway towards their quarters before he went back inside. That night, Bucky Barnes slept straight through for over seven hours, a new record.

When he showed up with Katrina and Anna at the Avengers lab on the following day and listened to the plan, he still had doubts that things would work out. The analysis of the pills proved that they were no longer as effective as they had been as the active ingredients in them were losing their potency. They were also addictive in nature. Katrina was on the cusp of having a physical breakdown. They could either wean her off or put her through a cold turkey withdrawal from the suppressants. Each process had its pros and cons.

“What do you think I should do?” she asked Bucky, who held Anna in his lap.

“If it was me, I would want to get that stuff out of me as soon as possible,” he said. “But it’s going to be hard on you, really hard.”

He didn’t tell her about his own withdrawal from what HYDRA gave him, a process he underwent alone because he was on the run, without any help or trust in anyone.

“You’ll help me?” Her plaintive look as she asked almost broke his heart, but he assured her he would. She turned to the two doctors and Shuri. “I’ll go through the withdrawal as long as my dad can stay and help. I don’t want Anna to see.”

“She can stay with my sister and nephews in Delacroix,” said Sam. “She’ll be safe there and get lots of fresh air. We can arrange for a sorcerer to open a portal directly there.”

Looking at Bucky for guidance on Sam’s offer, he nodded his approval, and she accepted it. After a tearful goodbye with Anna, they decided to start the process the next day. With Sam along, the three of them spent the day together, with Bucky telling her about his family and growing up in Brooklyn before the war. He showed her an album he had of pictures that his sister had of him when he was young. It was bittersweet for Katrina, seeing the pictures of his parents and his sister, family she would never know. That evening, after dinner, Bucky took her up to the roof, where a lounge area was, and they watched the sunset together, before he walked her back to her room and assured her that she would get through this.

Bucky stayed with her throughout the detoxification process, as there were things in the pills that couldn’t even be identified as other than toxic. While her emotions went all over the place, at the same time as her strength and senses exploded, he held and rocked her like a baby, cleaned up her vomit and worse. When she begged for the pills to take the edge off of what her body was going through, he listened, then refused her requests, taking the physical and verbal abuse that she threw at him in response. Not once did he lose his temper or raise a hand to her. The few times he took a break, when a strong sedative was given to Katrina so that both of them could rest, he would shower, crying in that sanctuary, for what HYDRA had done to his daughter. Then he checked in on Anna, having a live video call with her, assuring her that Mama would get better. After some food to replenish him, he returned to that barren room with only a mattress on the floor, since Katrina had destroyed all the furniture in the first of her many rages as her body shed the drugs she had been fed since she was two years old. Every time he returned; it was with a nod to Bruce to lock the door. Then he sat next to her on the floor and waited for her to wake up, ready to go through the process all over again.

For those who were watching on closed circuit TV, Sam, Bruce, Helen and Shuri, it was both heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time, at witnessing the love he expressed to his daughter to stay with her throughout the ordeal. Sam thought it was one of the most heroic things Bucky would ever do. On the fourth day, he was dozing as he sat against the wall, the strain of all of it finally catching up to his super soldier stamina. Katrina woke up and rolled over to see her father sitting on the floor, his back against the wall with his eyes closed, his face unshaven, his hair a mess; and thought she had never seen anyone that she loved more at that moment than him.

“Dad?”

He opened his eyes immediately and looked at her intently.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” he answered, tiredly.

“Are you okay? You look like shit.”

He smiled. “I’ve been better. How are you?”

“Hungry,” she said. “But better.” She sniffed. “Is that me that smells?” He nodded. “Can I have a shower and get out of these clothes?”

Sam, who was watching at that moment on the closed-circuit TV with Bruce, turned to him.

“That’s good, right? She’s through the worst of it?”

“Yeah,” agreed Bruce. “She might have a relapse but if she’s hungry and her sense of smell is working then her body is finally readjusting. I think we can let her out to get cleaned up and have something to eat but I still want her to stay here for the week just for observation.”

Allowed to shower and wash her hair, Katrina took a long time before she came out of the bathroom, going right to Bucky and wrapping her arms around his middle.

“I have your eyes,” she said, as the side of her head rested against his chest and he enclosed her with his arms. “I hope Anna has your eyes as well.”

“You already have my heart,” he whispered, “both of you.”

It was further proof of their blood kinship to confirm she inherited the blue eyes of his family. After two days with no relapse, Katrina asked for Anna’s return, and the decision was made to wean the little girl off the pills slowly. She hadn’t been on them as long, only for a year and it took just over a month at the compound to wean her off of them completely. Her blue eyes matched those of her mother and grandfather. Although she was still adjusting to her growing abilities, her natural joyful nature sprouted during that time, endearing her to many of the staff. The time they spent together at the compound, proved to be time well spent, as they learned how to be a family.

With Nick Fury’s help, a house in Brooklyn was found, ready for them to move in; just needing furniture, linens, and all the other things necessary for living. Bucky moved all of his possessions from his flat over but so much more was needed and the three of them went on a bit of a spending spree, finding furnishings for their small family. Many hands came forward to help them move in when they finally took possession. For the first time since he left for war in 1943, Bucky Barnes had a real home to come back to.

They also received word from SHIELD that the search of Sergei’s house had revealed a list of people who had been in HYDRA but were never identified or located when it fell. When the authorities showed up on their doorsteps to take them into custody, many of them took the same way out that Sergei did. A few tried to claim they were forced to be part of that organization but were still taken in to be given their day in court.

Eleven months later

The doorbell rang again, and Bucky called out that he would answer it. Peeking through the window he saw it was Sam, Sarah and the boys, and he opened the door with a big smile, noticing the big present that Sam was carrying.

“You didn’t have to bring anything,” he said to his second family. “Just yourselves.”

“Like I’m going to come to a four-year old’s birthday party without an offering,” replied Sam. “It’s really something for the house. It was the boys’ idea.”

Bucky looked at AJ and Cass, standing there with grins on their faces. “It better not be a video game console. My granddaughter is way too young to be addicted to them like you two are.”

The sound of running footsteps had everyone turn around as Anna came barrelling down the hallway.

“Uncle Sam, Auntie Sarah!” She hugged them around the knees, almost knocking them into the wall.

“Gently, Anna,” warned Bucky. “Remember, you have to be gentle with everyone.”

He picked her up, kissing her on the cheek. “Why don’t you take the boys out to the backyard and show them your climbing gym?”

“Okay, Grandpa,” she answered, then wriggled to get out of his arms.

Grabbing the boys’ hands, she pulled them with her out to the backyard.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearing you be called Grandpa,” smiled Sarah, kissing him on the cheek. “I think you like it a lot.”

“I do like it; I can’t lie,” smiled Bucky, then he put his hands out. “Give me that and I’ll add it to the pile of presents that other people brought even though I specifically asked them not to.”

“Stop complaining, Dad,” said Katrina, coming out of the kitchen. “You got her four presents and already let her open two of them. Hi, Sam. Hi, Sarah. Thanks for coming. There’s one person left, and he’ll be here soon.”

“A certain wingman?” teased Sam, as Bucky grimaced at him. “Aw, you like him. You just don’t want to admit it. Have you had the shovel talk with him yet?”

Bucky kept walking into the living room, giving Sam the finger as he did. That made him chuckle and he hugged Katrina, then signed to her.

“Does he know how serious you two are?”

She glared at him and signed back. “No, not yet.”

“Are you two signing to each other?” Bucky called out from the living room. “I can hear your hands move.”

They both stopped, then grinned as Bucky came back out to the hallway. With a knowing look at Sam, Katrina led them through the kitchen and out to the backyard which was done up with balloons and streamers. Music was playing and there was definitely a party atmosphere going on. Sarah looked at her brother as they went down the steps, surprised at the level of activity in the back yard. This was a bit much for Bucky’s usual tastes, but he seemed to be right in there, laughing and joking with people. He kept his eye on Anna, especially if she was too exuberant in her dealings with others, as she often forgot that most people weren’t like Grandpa, Mama, Uncle Thor, Uncle Peter, or Auntie Carol. Today, they were celebrating a couple of things, including Anna’s fourth birthday, or her first really, since her birth father Sergei, didn’t believe in celebrating sentimental milestones. In his mind, life was hard and you either took what you wanted to survive, or you died.

When the doorbell rang again bringing Joaquin Torres into the party, Sam was surprised to see a nod of acknowledgement from Bucky at the Avenger’s arrival. Maybe the major change in adjustment that the stoic super soldier underwent in the past year was an understatement. Remembering the first day he saw Bucky Barnes, that day on the freeway when the man literally destroyed Sam’s car with his hands, he smiled as he watched him pick Anna up, smothering her with kisses before he put her on his shoulders.

“Alright, let’s get this party started,” said Bucky, as he looked over the people assembled in his back yard. “Officially, this is just a get-together to celebrate a few things. First, I want to congratulate my daughter, Katrina, for getting her GED, scoring high enough to earn college credits in math, science, and language arts. She worked very hard to get that done, and I’m very proud of her. I’ll let her make the second announcement.”

“Thanks, Dad,” she replied, making several people grin at each other, as they still weren’t used to Bucky being called that. “I wanted to announce that I was accepted into NYU, and I’ll be starting there for the fall semester taking Applied General Studies, since I really don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.”

“Not following your father as an Avenger?” Thor looked confused. “You are a super soldier, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am but I’m also a mom, and I don’t think I inherited the ass-kicking gene from him,” she grinned. “Actually, he kind of suggested it. Said I should find my own path and he would light the way.” She looked lovingly at Bucky, who returned the look right at her. “Anyways, it’s been almost a year since Dad found me, and helped me start this new life. You’ve all been important to me as well, so thank you for being there for me and Anna.”

After the polite applause, Bucky lifted Anna off his shoulders and held her in his arms. He whispered into her ear, smiling as her face shone brightly.

“Really? Now?”

“Now,” he said. “What do you want to say to everyone?”

She looked sweetly at the people who were gathered then crowed out her greeting. “It’s my birthday! I’m four years old. Let’s have fun!”

It was an incredible party, as much fun for her mother and grandfather as it was for the four-year-old girl. Every gift she opened brought joy to her, even the video game console that Sam Wilson brought, ignoring the fake glares from her grandfather. When Bucky brought the cake out, with its four candles lit up Anna clapped her hands.

“Close your eyes, make a wish and blow out the candles,” said Katrina.

Scrunching her eyes up tight, Anna thought for a moment then she leaned forward and blew the candles out, to applause from everyone. As Katrina cut into the cake and shared pieces with everyone, Sam stood next to his partner, who gazed at his daughter and granddaughter with so much love.

“You’re a lucky man, Buck,” he said. “A good deed in the supermarket led you to find a real treasure.”

“I am lucky,” agreed the super soldier. “I have everything I want in life; a good job, a home, friends, and a family that I never knew I had. Thanks for doing the leg work and finding out the truth.”

“Any time, partner, any time.”

He patted Bucky on the shoulder, then both men accepted their piece of cake, enjoying every bite. Sometimes the darkest of discoveries leads to the brightest of celebrations, and this birthday party of Anna Barnes was proof of it. From now on she would grow up knowing that she was loved and cherished by her mother and her grandfather, the man formerly known as the Winter Soldier. This was one chance encounter that changed three lives for the better.

Bonus Drabble - I tried to include this in part 3 but it didn’t fit so I made it into a little Drabble instead.

The sight of Joaquin Torres holding hands and occasionally hugging or kissing Katrina Barnes at her daughter’s birthday party still surprised most people. Those that were at the compound when he arrived during the time of Katrina’s observation period, witnessed how he seemed taken by her immediately. Those that weren’t there heard the story and still didn’t believe it almost a year later. Torres didn’t even know she was Bucky’s daughter as she was listed at the security station as Katrina Ivanova. She was in the cafeteria waiting for Bucky when Joaquin saw her and Anna. Seeing Sam, he gestured to him to come over.

“Who is she? New staff?”

Sam had grinned, wondering if he should mess around with the flyer. Then Bucky joined his family, and Anna wanted to sit on his lap, drawing a smile out of the stoic super soldier. That just intrigued Joaquin even more and he pestered Sam for more information.

“The older one is Bucky’s daughter,” Sam finally said. “Just found out about her. They’re going to try to make a go of it as a family.”

“The little one is his granddaughter? He’s okay with that?”

“He’s great with it,” said Sam. “You want to meet her? She’s 26. Just a little younger than you.”

“He won’t hurt me, will he?” Joaquin looked a little worried.

“No promises. Come on, we’ll go sit with them.”

They picked up their trays and came over. Bucky narrowed his eyes a little bit as he noticed how Joaquin was looking at Katrina but said nothing, although he moved to the same side of the table with her.

“Katrina, this is Joaquin Torres, also known as The Falcon,” said Sam. “He works with your dad a lot. Joaquin, Katrina Barnes.”

“I will be, as soon as I get my name legally changed,” she replied, extending her hand to him. “This little one is my daughter, Anna.”

Joaquin looked from her to Bucky, who was keeping a civil face, at least for now.

“So, you were born while he was still the Winter Soldier?”

“Yeah, it’s a long story but because of a chance encounter at a supermarket, I found my dad, and he found me and Anna.” She anticipated his next question. “I inherited his abilities, if you’re wondering.”

He smiled at her, then at Bucky. “I think you’ll be a good dad and grandfather. You already seem a lot happier.”

“I’m working on it,” murmured Bucky. “Don’t you have some work to do on your suit?”

“Already finished the systems upgrade,” said Joaquin. “I’m pretty free until we get another mission. Oh, I heard that Fury was looking for you and Cap. Sorry Sarge.”

“Sarge?” asked Katrina. “They call you Sarge?”

“Hmmm,” answered Bucky, then he looked at Sam, who was trying to keep a straight face. His own face and voice were definitely not amused. “I need to talk to you, in private.”

As they walked away, he could hear Katrina ask Torres why her dad was called Sarge. They didn’t see Katrina, Anna or Torres for the rest of the afternoon, as he showed her the amenities outside, including a playground that Bucky didn’t know about. That was the day Bucky finally experienced what all the fathers of his dates in the 1930s and 1940s went through when he led their daughters out the door. The thought of karma finally catching up with him on his ladies’ man days, was a bitter pill to swallow. But at least he knew where Torres lived, and he definitely had the shovel talk with him a few days later, while sharpening one of his favourite knives.

Since then, Torres hadn’t disappointed Sarge. Whenever he showed up to take Katrina out he was pleasant with her father and he always brought her back on time, while showing her the greatest respect. He did have plans to visit Sarge soon, to ask him something very important, but he could wait. Today was Anna’s day and the ring was patiently waiting for its moment to be offered to her mother.

THE END

Series Masterlist

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#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #buckybarnes original female character #sam wilson #drug detox #love #family #birthday #celebration #joaquin torres #bucky Barnes daughter

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defectiveporcelaindoll · 2 years

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eddie my love

Summary: following the events in the upside down, the reader channels her grief into a letter to her beloved Eddie Munson. The first of possibly many.

Warnings: grief, language, nothing else really.

Dear Eds,

It's been a couple days since everything really went to shit. If we're completely honest, I don't remember much of the past few days. Maybe it's a trauma response, or maybe this is just how I'm processing everything, and eventually, I'll be able to look back, and it won't all be covered in such heavy fog. I haven't really been able to leave the house. But the gang doesn't really love the idea of me staying cooped up in my bed, in the dark, crying all day... so. Steve dragged me to the Wheeler's house this morning, trying to get me out into the world, around people. I think he just wanted me to be around Dustin, honestly. I think Steve thinks we can just grieve together, which in theory is great, except I'm right now, I'm crying about 22 out of the 24 hours in a day? It would be the full 24, but ya know, gotta cry myself two sleep for at least two hours? So, I really just suck the life out of literally everyone, and no one deserves to have to deal with that, especially not the kid.

But, I guess Dustin saw Wayne the other day at the school, the government, or the red cross, or I don't know, but someone has turned the gym into a help center for anyone in need after the "earthquake." There are missing posters, and gods bless Wayne. He's been switching yours out every chance he gets. Even when you're not around, the monsters of this town are still on the attack. Hunt the freak, right? Apparently, Dustin had your pick. That little shit didn't even tell me he had it, but he gave it to Wayne, and I'm not going to be a brat about it or cry about it... okay, that's a lie, I have been crying about it, but I know he deserved it. I know he shaped you into the man I called my best friend, that I fell in love with, and who loved me absolutely and irrecoverably. As absolutely fucked up as it is, I got to say goodbye; I got to see you one last time. He didn't. Wayne should have the silly little guitar pick. Sorry, I'm just being dramatic.

But um, anyway, Steve and Robin have been volunteering every chance they get; I don't know, maybe it helps soothe their damaged consciousness? Maybe helping those affected by our mistakes makes up for the fact that we failed in their minds. I know if you were here, you'd probably drag me out to the school. You'd be poking and prodding at my sides, trying to get me to smile even though things have quite literally gone to hell in a handbasket. We could've cleared your name. Jason really did a number on your image, babe. But according to Lucas, when the upside down split Hawkins in half like a god damn kit kat, it also fully consumed and ripped that pompous asshole in half, soooo... I know it's shitty...but yay? one less arrogant dick wandering the streets. That was really fucked up, my bad. I know if you were here, you'd be looking at me with those big stupid doe eyes, your mouth just barely open, trying to justify or maybe understand how I could say something so incredibly terrible and then shrug it off like it was nothing.

You know, I'm really mad at you. You didn't have to be the hero. We were so close. So so close to being out of there. I've been replaying that moment in my head. Watching you cut that sheet over and over and over again, watching you run like hell back into that hellscape. It was supposed to be your year, 86' baby. Your stupid heart of gold, paying the ultimate price, sacrificing yourself for a stupid town of judgmental assholes who hated you. You could've run, I wish you would've, but I know that is just me being painfully selfish.

I understand. I may not agree, but I know you did what was best. You were protecting Dustin and Steve and Robs and Nance...and me. I love you. I don't know if you heard me say it in those last moments, but I do. Edward Munson, I'm not sure what I'm going to do without you. You were my rock, the crazy spastic man who kept me on my toes, reminded me of my worth and made me feel loved and important every day. I don't know where I go from here. I'll check on Wayne, though; the thought of... I was going to say the thought of going by the trailer makes me ill, but I don't think there's much of it left. I think the "earthquake" consumed most of it, which means I really don't know how much of you is left for me and Wayne here. And we are at hour 23 for tears today. That is a new record, Munson. Thank you very much. Um, but I'll check on Wayne; maybe we can cry about life together. I know this is silly; I'm writing letters, yes, letters, plural, to a man who will never get to read them, but it's almost like you're still here, if only for a minute or two. Let me pretend.

all my love you, y/n

p.s. I'll look after your sheep; I haven't talked to Gareth, but Jeff came to check on me yesterday morning. He said Corroded Coffin was meeting in your honor, asked if I wanted to stop by. I think they've assumed the worst, but little do they know just how bad it really is. I think I'll go; I might bring Dustin, might drag Wayne out. Who knows? I'll keep you posted, I guess. I love you.

#eddie munson #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x girly!reader #dustin henderson #steve harrington #wayne munson #eddie munson smut #eddie munson slow burn #eddie munson hurt/comfort #eddie munson self insert #eddie munson sad

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aajjks · 5 months

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TPOL!JK

“wait, what? WHAT IS GOING ON?! is-is that true chaeyoung? jeon jungkook, NO! THAT IS NOT HOW YOU HANDLE A PREGNANT WOMAN! SHE’S HAVING YOUR BABY!!” yells ji-ae as she watches her son throw chaeyoung out of her home and that’s what makes your head perk up. you look up to see chaeyoung yelling “YOU WERE THE ONLY PERSON I HAD SEX WITH AND YOU KNOW IT!!! THIS IS YOUR BABY!!”

once chaeyoung is out of the house, jungkook shuts and locks the door while chaeyoung is on the other side banging and begging for ji-ae to let her back in. “pleaseeeee, jungkook. pleaseeeee” chaeyoung cries and ji-ae is still in disbelief with what happened just now.

her son just revealed that chaeyoung hurt you and your friends, called the cops, and now here she is pregnant with his baby. it’s all too much and ji-ae doesn’t know whether to curse her son out for yelling at her or cry because he really is turning out like his father in her eyes.

the manhandling he did to poor chaeyoung makes her worry for her health. sure chaeyoung isn’t the purest. she did say she seemed a little too nice and always preferred you with jungkook but that doesn’t mean roughening her up if what she says is true.

chaeyoung is outside walking back to her car in tears. screaming and crying at the altercation that just took place because there he goes again talking about you. it’s always you, you, you.

why you?

you’re just some plain girl who works as a veterinarian. even at the dinner there was nothing spontaneous about you yet his mind is solely focused on you. it’s like he has tunnel vision when it comes to you.

after 20 minutes, yes TWENTY MINUTES, chaeyoung finally drives off and once she’s out of sight, you get out your car and walk to ji-ae’s front door. you’re greeted with a freshened up jungkook and a visibly upset ji-ae whose mood gets worse once she sees the marks on your face.

“oh my God, y/n” she says with tears pricking her eyes. “i’m so sorry. look at what she did to you. she hurt you. did she cut you?”

“yeah but it’s not your fault. i’m a big girl, i can handle myself” you shrug and give ji-ae a tight hug. “you should get some rest” you tell ji-ae who nods and heads to her bedroom to take a small nap after the dramatic altercation that took place in her home.

“soo” you say “you’re a dad now, huh?”

“okay but for real, what if she’s actually pregnant? you didn’t…you know? in her, right?” you ask. you feel bitter even asking jungkook if he and chaeyoung fucked around, which, you’re sure they have but that’s not why you’re bitter.

this is your potential baby daddy right here and chaeyoung is crushing your dreams of being jungkook’s only baby mama.

He’s looking at you in horror, when you say that he’s a dad now, of course he’s not a dad and he’ll never be a daddy if it’s not with you.

“I-I don’t know yn… I think I did wear protection most of the time… I used to get pretty drunk before… you know and because… I couldn’t even fuck if I wasn’t thinking about you, so I don’t remember maybe she must’ve done something if that child is mine but I am sure it’s not.” He’s looking at you with desperation, and his eyes are a little red because of the fresh shower.

Please out of everyone you have to believe him. And you know everything just how scared he was to have a child and what happened between you two just because he wasn’t ready to have a child.

“I-I don’t know what I’ll do if she’s indeed pregnant with my child… she has to abort it.” he says in frustration, not realizing that it can trigger you, because you had done the same thing all because of him.

“I’ll make sure that she does.” He is gritting his teeth just thinking about it., and he’s also tense about the fact that he’s upset his mother a lot.

And he’s so tired. He just wants to have you in his arms and he just wants to sleep in your embrace. “Y-Yn she’s not leaving me. What should I do? SHE’S TRYING TO BABY TRAP ME!” he’s freaking out it’s so obvious.

Why is she here to ruin everything? He thought that she got her revenge but she still wants to ruin him. “I should’ve- SHE USED TO FORCE ME SHE USED TO COARSE ME INTO HAVING SEX WITH HER!”

“I swear to God I’m going to get a vasectomy. I HATE CHILDREN.” His fear is being triggered once again…. And you had tried so hard to get him over that but now she’s triggered it all over again.

“I HOPE THAT BITCH IS GONE.” He looks at you once again. “Yn… there’s something you should know.” He sighs, it’s now or never and he has to take this chance.

He is so close to you, his face merely, inches away from yours. He’s looking into your eyes and you can tell them you are his whole world.

You are.

“I-I love you so much and have always loved you and only you.. I tried to find you in her, but I couldn’t— truth is that no one can ever be you yn… I love you so much.” He pulls you close to his chest and kisses you like his life depends on it.

#ask: tpol!jungkook #oh my God I’m having a headache I HATE THE BITCH.

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stranger-dreams01 · 2 years

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Okay so this is completely out of the blue but I cannot get this idea out of my Billy Hargrove grieving partner post StarCourt survivors guilt drenched mind so here goes.

~ MINORS DNI 18+ (sūbstance use mention) ~

Losing Him

The pain hadn’t been something you had ever experienced before, there were no lulls in the crashing waves of agony that grip at your heart. At some points you were sure that it was being torn to slivers within your very chest.

Sleep should be a relief, an escape even, that’s what everyone keeps telling you. But despite your silent internal pleading, as you close your eyes screams flood your subconscious. The final cry of the boy you had handed your heart to as the life was pulled from him. So yeah, sleep hasn’t exactly been an option lately.

That’s when befriending the local drug dealer came in handy.

If sleep wouldn’t come to you, you’d chase it with something a bit stronger to take away the sharp edges, to blur things until you could slip into a sleep for at least long enough to keep you on your feet during the day. That’s not to say it hadn’t come with its own list of side effects, but that had been expected.

Cornering Eddie Munson wasn’t hard in school, despite what he tells himself or his loyal followers, he’s as predicable as everyone else. Finding him behind the lunchroom in his usual smoking spot takes mere minutes and you’d already prepared the spiel of reasoning before even reaching him. “(Y/N), to what do I owe the pleasure?” He offers a grin, raised brows and a curious albeit knowing glint to his eyes as he takes you in. He knew exactly what you were here for, in fact he had expected no less.

“I need something stronger Eddie, I need to sleep.” You admit, defeat lacing through your words with your confession as you lean your back against the brick wall with a sigh passing your lips. You hated that it had gotten to this point, that a joint wasn’t enough to relax you. But if it meant being able to escape reality for at least a fraction of time it would be worth it. You can see him observing you through your peripheral but you bare it no mind. “Do you think you can handle something stronger? You look like you can barely handle weed.” He probes lightly, a teasing tone to his words that maybe you would’ve found humorous before your world collapsed in on itself.

At your lack of response he finally sighs, stubbing out the remains of his cigarette against the wall before dropping it at his feet. “I have something that’ll make existing easier, but it’s fucking strong (Y/N). If you take too much that’s it, lights out, end of story.” He warns but all you can do is scoff at his dramatics.

“I’m not going to off myself if that’s what you’re worried about Munson I just need to be able to sleep at night.”

That’s enough to satisfy him this time, but as he grumbles something under his breath you stretch out your arms in front of you in the too large leather jacket until your fingers are exposed from the sleeves.

A hand is pushed into your pocket before you can react, eyes darting towards the boy beside you who retracts his arm nonchalantly. “I’ll come over to pick up the money after school.” And with that he begins to slink off back towards the lunchroom doors as you roll your eyes, reaching into your pocket to feel at the small ball wrapped in a thin plastic bag. Instinctively you clutch it between your fingers, finding relief in the prospect of finally being able to close your eyes and not hear the screams, see the blood, feel the tearing within your ribcage with every breath.

Tonight, you sleep.

#this is my first time doing this don’t come for me #billy hargrove angst #eddie munson x reader #kinda #post StarCourt #billy hargove x reader #billy harringrove #stranger things #Billy hargrove blurb

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what-if-nct · 1 year

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TW// anxiety, social anxiety, depression, and trauma dumping (which I apologize for in advance for you and your followers)

This past week has been really emotional for me for a few different reasons but mainly because I have felt myself drifting more and more as a person. I don’t feel real anymore…

I’ve been dealing with isolation for a while and feel like my friends aren’t really my friends. I always see them going out and doing things and not once have I been invited. I know it’s partially my fault though. Cause I kept denying invites years prior due to “responsibilities”.

Work. School. Family. Chores.

They’ve all taken precedence and now I don’t have anyone anymore. Meeting new people makes me want to scream and making small talk makes me want to pull my eyelashes out. I even feel it with people at my job. I don’t trust anyone. I feel like they all talk about me behind my back, and any word I say will be used against me. So I just make jokes and go with the flow all the time. But I am so, so, so tired of always pretending to be easy going. It’s hard knowing that other people are forming genuine relationships and I’m left in the background trying to answer a question from last week.

Idk what it is mentally or socially but I’m tired of feeling unloved and unappreciated. I’m tired of feeling like I’m being dramatic cause I’m seeing other people live life with a crowd and I’m crying myself to sleep for the umpteeth weekend in a row. I feel like I just can’t trust anyone or myself anymore. I think I gaslit myself into a mask and I can’t take it off or I’ll seriously crumble…

- 🏝️ anon (if this isn’t taken, cause I’m stranded on my own little island)

I completely and totally understand how your feeling, it's similar to how I've been feeling well in a way. I've just been feeling really lonely and unwanted, I could be in a room full of people and still feel alone and like no one wants me there, and like no one actually like me and I'm annoying and everyone is just tolerating me. I've felt that my whole life. And when it's proven time and time again you just start accepting that it's true so you just withdraw yourself or create someone you think is likeable but isn't you. It's a horrible feeling. The loneliness and isolation and thoughts. So I understand. And even though I don't have an answer, I'm still looking for it. But what I can tell you is one you're not alone especially in the way you feel. Also its so much easier said than done but give yourself a break, relax, don't put so much pressure on yourself and look for the one thing, the one person anything that helps you feel happy, that gives you even the smallest spark of joy and remember that there's millions of other lights like that waiting when you are ready to allow them in. It's hard when you're guarded because you've lost trust with the word but if there's a reason that leads you to believe there's kindness and understanding and gentleness out there hold on to it and let it remind you there's more out there. Sometimes the smallest glimmer of hope can mean so much. So try to keep an eye open for that glimmer. I

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harley-michaels-main · 2 years

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Hi hi! Can I please have a MHA matchup? It’s perfectly fine if you can’t!

MBTI: ENFP

Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

Zodiac: Sagittarius

Random fact: I’m associated with the color pink a lot and I’m bi 🏳️‍🌈

Looks: 4’11 female, she/her pronouns, pear body type, kinda muscular, brown skin, dark brown eyes, dark brown short hair, long lashes, eye bags, thunder thighs, Big pouty lips (the one thing I actually like about my face) and a few freckles. I also have reading glasses

Personality: I’m very shy and reserved at first, pretty standoffish and won’t talk much. you will definitely have to make the first move cause I refuse. But once you approach me it’s a 180! Sometimes I’m still like that but it’s only if my social battery is low, I’m tired, or I’m in a new situation without someone familiar. I go on long rants about literally anything and everything, (if I have a shit day I recommend ear plugs) Im dramatic, loud, energetic, silly, super Sarcastic, Honest, the group comedian, incredibly stupidity childish, forgetful, pretty go with the flow, passionate and enthusiastic! I’m pretty rational And logical when it comes to making decisions and am usually aware of what going on around me, i will try to break down the problem is and find a way to solve it. Then there is the other part of me that is completely impulse and emotion even tho rational wins most times if I’m stressed good luck with getting me to make good decisions. I’m a ambivert! I talk super fast to the point I have to repeat myself a bunch so my friends can break down what I’m saying, I love making people laugh I think I’m pretty smart but I have no common sense. I’ll tell you random facts I just learned for the hell of it! If I was to describe myself in another way I’d say burnt out gifted kid who just said F it. I thrive off praise and people cheering me on especially at sports events and will work harder for criticism. Im a “I’ll do anything for 5 dollars” kinda person. Im low key kinda a know it all and a smart ass I always have something to say and I am not one to sugar coat. I’m a huge foodie! My love language is physical touch and giving gifts, especially food! like to be taken care of. I’m pretty caring if your sad I’ll bake for you and try to emotionally comfort you as much as possible and friends have told me I give good advice, I’m very protective of all my friends and family.

How I look when talking about something I’m passionate about lol:

Cons: i overshare, I get frustrated really easy.I am prone to procrastinating and giving up sometimes even if Ik the deadline is tomorrow, its hard to get motivated to do anything without someone being on my ass about it but once I start I can continue without much pushing as long as I don’t have too many distractions. Im insecure about my personality. I’m emotional I’ll cry without realizing it, I’m a pushover,I have really bad social anxiety Even tho I love people. Behind closed doors I’m very clingy and honestly kinda dependent.

Likes: working out, orange, reading, sleeping, going out to party’s with friends, butterflies 🦋, milkshakes, fashion, world building, drawing, animated movies, STUFFED ANIMALS!!! Specially pigs, I love cuddles, sports (cross country, volleyball, and wrestling) writing story’s, blankets, cheesy romance novels, cooking and eating new food from new places! Affection (hugs, cuddles, forehead kisses, head pats, holding hands) as long as it’s not in public or at least minimal in public,shopping, fantasy stuff, drama, and my cats!

Dislikes: being dirty. I can get sweaty, muddy, messy but if I don’t have a shower there will be hell to pay, I don’t like eating or drinking after people, felt fabric, dolls, The cold in general, sad movies (I’ll ugly cry so hard) , coffee, being sick, being picked at for my height.

I’m sorry ik this is long you don’t have to reply!

Hi Darling, how are you doing? Are you drinking enough water? Did you eat today? I hope you're taking care of yourself because I know your match up would want you to.

Your My Hero Academia Match Up is...

Kirishima Ejiro

Y'all are literally goals.

Not only does he drink his three daily glasses of respect women juice, but he will literally eat it if it were pre-work out.

Kirishima sees you as a goddess that has been so kind to bless him.

He practically worships the ground you walk on and constantly makes sure that you are his number one priority.

Howver, he never takes it too far to become almost obsessive over you. Yes, he loves you, but he also knows that you need to have time to yourself and your friends.

When you two are together you work out most of the time. By that I mean that when you are done with your work out you have to drag him out of the gym.

After showering and eating you can bet on getting some of the best cuddles he has to offer.

Kirishima's love language is Words of Affirmation. This means that he tells you that he loves you and everything about you.

He will still give you all the hugs and kisses you desire, he just has to tell you to let you know that he loves you.

He especially loves that he is able to joke around with you and that you get along with the same group of people.

He likes to surprise you with small things because he knows how much you love them.

Sometimes its a piece of cake from a bakery and other times its a small stuffed animal.

He also makes sure that you have at least three of his hoodies to rotate out when they stop smelling like him.

He also didnt tell you this but he now buys them one size larger so he can see how cute you look when your basically drowning in the fabric.

Kirishima will also be the first person to understand your insecurities. He knows how cruel people can be so he will always be there to reassure you when you start to belittle yourself.

He is the kind of partner who will joke around with you on your best days and wrap you on a blanket and kiss your forehead on the bad ones.

Alternate Choices

Aizawa Shota

Midoriya Izuku

Kaminari Denki

#kirishima ejirou #mha #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #match up #kirishima ejirou x reader

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shiftysarah · 14 days

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April 9, 2024:

After just about one week since I made him promise to stop saying he hates Boy, he’s already back to saying it.

The last couple of nights have been rough, with Boy not sleeping much and waking up in the night a lot, which is not abnormal for us. It’s been a pattern that I’m one the who has to do bed time because “it’s easier” for me, but also whenever it’s the first time he gets up in the night, Man gets mad if I ask him to be the one to get up with him first. He goes out to the living room with him for a minute, then gives up quickly and says that he won’t settle because it’s not mommy, so then I have to be the one to go be with him, for sometimes about 2 hours in the middle of the night. And then if there’s another time he wakes up after that, and I ask Man to take a turn, he claims he took the last turn, even tho he gave up and made me take over.

So knowing that it’s been bad the last 3 nights, Man was like “oh hey let’s go back to where we split the night into two big shifts. I’ll go to bed early. Like right now” and it was like 6pm. So that already meant I would have to take care of the kids by myself when they’re being super wild and fighting, and put them both to bed, and then stay up with Boy for however long. So then at 8:30 Man texted me from the bedroom saying he was gonna take a viagra and wanted to have sex after Boy went to bed. Which I agreed to, but then he just kept texting me complaining how long it was taking, while I was trying my hardest to get Boy calm and get him to sleep, and Mans just laying in bed in our room relaxing. I finally got Boy to sleep at 10:30. Man and I did have sex, and then I wanted to go straight to bed in hopes of trying to get enough sleep. Of course he was annoyed that I didn’t want to stay up and watch tiktoks with him, because he went to bed at 6pm and was already feeling well rested.

At 1:00am Boy woke up crying. I reminded Man that it was his turn, per our agreement, and as usual the just threw the blankets off himself dramatically and said “I fucking hate Boy. I hate him. I’m so fucking sick of this. He won’t fucking let us sleep. I hate him”

Man went out to the living from with Boy, and gave up and came back after about ten minutes saying nothing works, and he can’t get him to calm down, and that he’s just the worst, and he’s just being an asshole. So I had to trade off already. I went to Boy and tried comforting him and asked him what was wrong. He immediately told me that his legs are hurting (I think growing pains) but I know Man didn’t think to actually ASK Boy what was wrong. He just needed some love and compassion. It’s not that hard. All I do is hold him or rub him back while telling him I know that it’s frustrating that his legs hurt, and I’m here for him. So he feels safe and comfortable. Meanwhile I’m sure all Man did when he was out here was tell him to stop crying. Boy is fine now, and I’m still out here with him just helping him try to go back to sleep. But so much for splitting the night.

We literally had a whole conversation where I told him, that he HAS to stop saying hateful things about the kids. And that if he hates having kids so much, my only solution would be for me to leave and take them. He said he would take it seriously and promised to stop immediately. But here we are. He hasn’t been able to make it the week without calling Girl a bitch either.

#emotional abuse #weaponized incompetence #marriage problems #parenting

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briamichellewrites · 10 months

Text

10 - Bria’s Version

Jennifer Aniston suspected Brad was cheating but she couldn’t imagine that he was dating an underage girl. After finding their texts on his phone, she reached out to her. Bria apologized to her for not knowing he was with her. She felt so stupid for believing him. Jennifer asked her how they met and their relationship. She told her everything. They mostly texted back and forth, though they kissed multiple times. Did they sleep together? No, they were waiting until her eighteenth birthday.

Jennifer invited her over. She promised she had kicked him out. Okay, she was on her way. When she rang the doorbell, she opened the door to find a young girl standing in the doorway. Bria? Yes, it was nice to meet her. Jennifer hugged her and invited her inside. She could tell from her eyes she had been crying. They went into the living room and sat down. I am so very sorry.

They continued talking about Brad. She told her everything again. Has she ever been in a relationship before? No. He was the first guy to ever show interest in her. Did he make her keep it a secret? No. She just didn’t tell anyone because it was inappropriate. At the same time, she didn’t care. Jennifer told her that she appreciated her telling her the truth and that she didn’t hate her. Thank you. That was one thing she was worried about.

She was a teenager who just got her heart broken for the first time. It would be a learning experience for her. She was told to cry, get angry, and eat tubs of ice cream. Then, she should focus on what made her happy. She nodded. What made her happy? Making music or anything involving music; dyeing her hair, going to the beach, or walking around. She should do those activities.

I just visited with Jennifer, Brad’s girlfriend. Oh my god, she is so sweet! I’m going home, wrapping myself in blankets and pretending I’m a cat. – Bria

That sounds like a great idea. I’ll check on you later. – Mike

Brad visited Bria. After knocking on her door, she opened it. He saw tears running down her face. Can I come in? Not wanting to make a scene out in the hallway, she let him come in. She closed the door behind him before going into the living room. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and let her cry. The tears she was crying were because of him. How could you do this to me?

He kissed her forehead and apologized. She loved him and she thought that they would be together when she turned eighteen. But in her experience, love only stabbed her in the back. Why should this be any different? Why did he lie to her? They went to her couch and sat down.

“I don’t know. I should have told you the truth. I was a coward.”

“All you had to say was that you were with someone and I would have respected that. I don’t care if you think I’m overreacting or being dramatic. This fucking hurts.”

“I don’t think any of those things. You have every right to be angry with me. You and Jen.”

He wiped her tears off of her face before kissing her. His lips went down to her neck. She pulled him closer to her and he lifted her onto his lap. After touching each other, they lost control over what they were doing. They ended up in her bedroom taking each other’s clothes off. He then laid her down on the bed before getting on top. Open your legs. Once she had, he came in between them. He then let her get comfortable before moving in and out of her.

She felt amazing. He was the first person to feel her inside and out. As he made love to her, he told her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her. She was perfect. After finishing inside of her, he pulled out and got up with his clothes.

When he was in the bathroom, she lay in bed. She felt different in a way she couldn’t explain. She didn’t want to lose her virginity like that. Instead, she wanted to lose it romantically. After dinner at a nice restaurant and wearing a nice dress. Even though she had mixed feelings, she gave consent because she didn’t say no. Then, why was she feeling regretful? Before he left, he kissed her and said goodbye.

Mike had called her, so she called him back. She had to tell him something but she didn’t want to distract him. He sighed and asked if Brad came over. Yeah, he did. What happened? They slept together. He just left. The only thing that was going through his mind was if she gave consent.

“He didn’t ask and I didn’t say no. It just happened. He was listening to me cry and talk about what happened. Then, he kissed me. I wanted to but I didn’t want to.”

“Bria, please go to the doctor tomorrow and get birth control. You are way too young to have a baby. Then, delete his phone number and forget about him.”

The next day, she met up with Mike in private at his apartment. Anna was gone and wouldn’t be back until later in the evening. He pulled her in and hugged her tightly. She had stopped crying but was still upset. He looked at her and told her it wasn’t her fault. She nodded as he kissed her forehead.

They looked at each other before he kissed her lips. She pulled him in closer. Even though he wanted to, he couldn’t. She was underage and he didn’t want to take advantage of her. Did she go to the doctor? Yeah, she was on birth control. Good. She also told Jennifer the truth. He was proud of her for doing that. Whatever happened to Brad, it was his fault. Was she going to go to the police? No, because she didn’t want to ruin his career or life. Even though he didn’t agree with that decision, it wasn’t his to make.

I’m still angry about you lying to me and using me. I need time to process this. I’m not going to the police because I don’t want that to fall back on you. I wanted to but that’s irrelevant because I was underage but that’s not why I’m upset. Everything I needed to say was said yesterday. I love you. Figure shit out with Jennifer and let me work on myself. Don’t call or text me. – Bria

Okay. Brad got the message loud and clear. She had every reason to be angry with him. He was caught between two women, who he loved. Yes, he should have been upfront and honest with Bria. I have a girlfriend. Why couldn’t he just say that to her? She wasn’t an overly obsessed fan, who couldn’t take no for an answer. If he was honest with her, she would have understood and not pursued an interest in him. But, he wasn’t. He let selfishness get to him.

He came clean about everything to Jennifer. She told him she already knew because Bria told her. How could he be so stupid? She was just a child! That’s what she was most angry about. It wasn’t necessarily about him cheating. She kicked him out and he was staying at a hotel. How could he hurt two women he loved? One was his fiancé. The other was a teenager.

It just happened. That wasn’t an excuse. He was the adult and he knew better. Bria was doing him a favor by not going to the police. He counted his lucky stars for that. It was borderline consensual. He should have asked for clear consent. If she would have said no, he would have stopped immediately. But, he didn’t ask and she didn’t say yes or no. I’m sorry. He meant that to both of them, but neither of them wanted to talk to him.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon @fiickle-nia @boricuacherry-blog

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reaching-my-summit · 1 year

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some days, i wonder who i am

what’s sitting at the core of the “me” that the world sees

i’m a barrage of different selves

for my family, for my mentors, for my friends

actually, i’m a different friend to most of my friends, filling whatever gaps need filling

a problem-solver, a helper, a yes-man

maybe i have never really been given a choice to be “me,” whoever that is

academic success wasn’t optional

even my passions were forced upon me

“try it, you need to be involved”

“you can’t quit, so you want to look like a quitter?”

so maybe there has always been this suffocation of my core. a hydraulic press keeping me together

because what would happen if it all fell apart?

i still sit at that circular table in my mind, the smell of oil and fat hanging oppressively in the air. like mustard gas. i hear their question. no—it’s an accusation.

i was accused of being me. and that still stings eight years later.

i realize that i let others dictate how I perceive myself. i hold on to those perceptions and i internalize them. if someone said that about me, it must be true. why else would they say it?

fat. stupid. self-obsessed. too logical. too loud. too unprofessional. too earthly. too weird. too much.

so i gather up all my “toos” and i carry them at my sternum, just under the frog that lives in my throat. because crying is too dramatic, and if i’m upset, i must be tired or overreacting.

reaching. being unreasonable. asking for too much.

because i can excuse everyone else’s feelings, right? everyone’s feelings save my own. because the second i try to be me, i get shoved down into that box again. and it’s oppressive.

and i’m there, lit up by fluorescents, unable to process where i am. i remember driving there, but everything else is fuzzy in between.

it’s the first month off the drugs i got on because i wanted to help someone else. i’m standing in the painkiller aisle, staring blankly at a box of advil pm and hoping to god that it can make me sleep without waking up in tears. without waking up shaking, burning, twitching, retching, unable to tell anyone that i was falling apart because who the fuck would have cared enough to help? how could i explain how broken i was when i had been the one to destroy myself?

i stood in that aisle, ears ringing from the buzzing of the lights and the pressure in my skull and i knew. i knew that my desire to fix everyone else had finally broken me.

and now i stand at the sea. and it’s a desert.

i stand at the precipice of my youth and look out at the tumult. and at the dunes. and i wonder why the surf doesn’t eat me alive even when i’m drowning.

i know i’ve been wrong. i’ve done bad things. it’s why the quicksand keeps lapping at my ankles, wearing away at the tiny planet you tattooed on my ankle. you hurt, so i hurt, so you hurt, so i hurt

so you hurt me

and i hurt

until i break

and i hurt you

and i hurt

and the sand digs into my skin and filters into my pores and my blood and my bone until i’m so filled with you and your hurt that i rip myself apart

and i know why you hurt me

i always will

and i’ll blame myself, because i see you

and i see the riptide threatening to pull you under

and i’m useless because i couldn’t help

and i’m evil because i couldn’t help

and i’m evil because i ripped myself apart as you drowned

and i know i shouldn’t have felt your pain with you, but i did. and it hurt you. and i can’t take that back.

but in return, i’ll be me.

and i’ll cry when i think of you in the dark. and i’ll pray that you can forgive me. and i’ll ache as the red strings that once connected us leech out of me. i still hold the scissors in my hand, glued to my palm like the taste of cigarettes on my tongue.

and i’ll be me. i promise.

#personal #autumn writes…something?#it’s been a while since i wrote anything but #i had a lot of feelings i needed to let out #and this was very cathartic :)

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tobi-momo · 3 years

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A Misunderstanding

PAIRING: Kuroo Tetsurou x Reader

GENRE: Angst | Hurt/Comfort | Reverse Comfort

WORD COUNT: 3k

A/N: ok ik this is long but this idea came from literally nowhere but i decided to write it thank you @combat-wombatus for helping me you helped put ideas in my brain<333 now i wasnt originally going for a happy ending but im really bad at angst so enjoy the shitty ending :)

“Please, Y/n, you know I didn't mean it,” he pleaded, his large hands desperately grabbing at your form while you push him away, your breaking sobs making his heart shatter. “Please, baby, don’t leave me,” he begs, falling on his knees in front of your trembling body, not being able to tear his eyes off of your heartbroken ones. He needed you to stay. He needed to show you that he isn’t that guy and that he would do anything for you. It was a one time thing. He wasn’t even sober. It wasn’t him. It was the alcohol. He wasn’t thinking straight. Please forgive him, please, please, please.

But you couldn’t. No matter how hard or how much you loved him and wanted to, the pain that ripped at your heart every time you looked at him was too much to bear. So you didn’t. You turn your blurry, glassy eyes away from him as he grabs your hand and forces it into his; your lips quivering and knees shaking. You couldn’t keep the betrayal and agony inside, whining and weeping at him, your knees giving out before your legs slam against the floor, your head near the carpet as you try and keep your affliction at bay.

“Y/n, please,” he whines, tears streaming down his pale cheeks; his admission of his unfaithfulness drained the color from his face. “Please forgive me, I need you, I love you so much.”

“W-” you sniffle, not knowing what to say. You knew you didn’t have to say anything at all, that you didn’t owe him any words, but you just...you just needed to know. “Why,” your voice quivered and cracked, your throat sore, “why did you,” you take a long breath, grabbing your chest to try and stop the heartache, the sudden cramp that formed where it used to be filled with warmth and love, “do this to me? With her?” You look up at him once with wide, searchful eyes as you ponder the reasons and look for the answers in his empty pupils.

“I wasn’t thinking straight, baby, I didn’t know what I was doing, please,” his voice stammers, trying to get you to understand that he really didn’t know what he was doing. “I would never do this to you, I-” “But you did.” Your tone is no longer sad and confused, but angry and fed up. His head backing up quickly, not expecting the response. “You made a promise, Tetsurou, remember?” You glare at him with menacing eyes as you hold up the very finger he kissed and placed the ring on on your wedding day. The beautiful diamond ring that had his initials carved in the interior and little gorgeous jewels that made the walls sparkle once hit with the hot sun was no more; the dark, gloomy piece of rock and metal meaning nothing but lies and mistrust.

“No, Y/n, please. Don’t do this to me,” he adjures guiltily.

“Don’t do this to you?” Your voice laced with deadly venom, standing and backing up, wiping your mouth with your hand in annoyance, placing it on your hip. “You did this to me! You did this to us! You went out! You got drunk! You fucked someone else! And not even a random girl! No! You just had to fuck your ex!” Your voice cracked again before you inhaled sharply and covered up your struggle.

“Y/n, I didn’t know what I was doing!”

“And that’s an excuse?? What, so now you can go fuck whoever you want and say ‘I didn’t know what I was doing!’” you mimic, “so you can get away with it every time?”

He didn’t answer. He looked at the ground, understanding exactly where you came from.

“Hm? Are you gonna answer me, or sit there like a coward?”

He could tell fully well you were just saying this because you were hurt. You didn’t mean any of it. You loved him. No matter what, you will always love him. Trusting him was out of the box for a while, maybe forever. But he can’t lose you. He knew you were soulmates- he knew you were made for each other. There was a reason you guys made it this far and only had big problems now. He needed to find that reason and use it for himself to win you back. He needed you back.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, your dramatic hand gestures coming to a halt at his words, your figure coming to a stand still as you wait for him to finish. “You don't deserve this. You don’t deserve me. Please know that it was a mistake and that I’ll never do it again ever, ever, ever,” he repeats, wanting it to sound as sincere as he means. “Just please give me a chance to make this up to you, please don’t leave me by myself without you,” he sobs out, putting his head in his hands.

You knew you shouldn’t feel bad for him. But god-fucking-dammit are you feeling bad for him. You knew you still loved him, you knew he still loved you- that much was obvious. You couldn’t see him for a while, no. Could you guys work it out? Maybe stitch the wound? Wait until the scar is barely visible anymore? Would that even work?

“Tetsurou,” a single, hot tear dripping down your face as you point to the ground. “I don’t know if I can ever trust you again.”

“I know, I know, just please give me a chance to help fix this!” He cries at your feet, his body bundled in a ball of self hatred and guilt. “I can do it, baby. I can help things go back to normal.”

“I don’t think they ever will be normal again.”

He whines, trying to negotiate with you as much as he can. “Let me fix us. Let me give you my everything again, let me show you that I’m all yours and no one else's, please,” he moans in anticipation for rejection, knowing the chances of you agreeing were next to zero.

The next few hours are silent. Him alone in the bedroom. Crouching on the floor as he ponders your possible answer. You work in the kitchen, making food to satisfy your appetite. He could hear your sniffles from the bedroom and picture you wiping your tears as you carry the pots on the stove. God, he was the biggest piece of shit ever known. What the fuck went through his mind when he was fucking his ex? He only remembers some of it, them waking up in bed together after, only wearing undergarments underneath the sheets and him holding her waist as if she were you. He thought they had ended on good terms, knowing that they were better as friends. He rushed out the door, not being able to stay in the same room without getting sick. He knew what he had to do.

He opens the door to the living room, a slight creak gaining your attention as you stir the sauce in the pan. Your eyes are puffy, your lip still trembling as you try to turn away from him. He only takes about two steps forward before he stops, trying to find the words he wants to say.

“Listen, I know you said you needed time, and I’m not rushing you at all whatsoever. I want to give you all the time in the world to think this over. If you need, I can go to Kou’s house and stay there for a while. He won’t mind. I just want to give you the space you deserve.”

You nod in response, your head still facing away before he whispers an “I love you” before he slips out of the apartment.

~.~.~.~

The next few days were tortue. Not being able to sleep in the same bed he would sleep in with you, not being able to watch the same tv shows, not being able to even be in his presence at least once a day like you used to melted a hole of despair inside you: eating away at your emptiness, taking away the numbness that you so desperately needed right now. The feeling came back- the one that you tried shutting out three hours ago. It crept up at you, flipping your stomach and weighing your lungs down to the floor, your throat sore and dry. Your eyes wet with a blurry wall as your tears build up once again, missing your cheeks as you crouch down looking at the floor, falling on the tile. The droplets containing your anguish splatter on the ground, your raggedy whimpers echoing throughout the vacant apartment, making it all the more obvious he wasn’t there.

Knock knock knock

Was that the door?

Your wide, unbelieving eyes turned to the wooden door frame; the knocks getting louder and faster. You quickly stand up and try to collect yourself, preparing to have a long talk with Tetsurou. You grab the handle, turning it- the door opening with a tiny creak.

Oh.

“Hi! Kuroo left his jacket at the party the other day, is he here?”

Oh, that bitch.

“No. He’s not.” You deadpan, not finding her cheery, happy expression amusing.

“Oh no! Uh, well, here, can you give this back to him for me?”

“Stop smiling at me like you aren’t part of the reason he’s gone.” You snark, glaring at her with sharp eyes as she backs up, confused.

“W-what?”

“You heard me. Don’t act fucking clueless.”

“Excuse me? Who are you to talk to m-”

“Oh, cut the shit,” you roll your eyes, “I know you slept with Tetsurou, you don’t need put on whatever the fuck this is,” you gesture at her.

“What the hell are you talking about? What are you, fucking crazy?” Your eyes narrow in confusion, your disgusted scowl lessening at her words.

“Right. You probably don’t remember because you were blacked out,” you add sarcastically. “He told me what you guys did. Now you know. So, I would love it if you would just leave.”

“What are you- Me and Kuroo didn’t do shit last night. I drank like two beers and was hanging out with another girl the entire time,” she explains, looking offended. Your face loosens into an expression she couldn’t read. “He blacked out early and passed out on the couch while I was busy talking with the other girl.”

“Huh?” You whisper, your disoriented thoughts not aligning to a proper conclusion.

“I didn’t go to bed until like,” she thought back, “I don’t know, three in the morning? There were people passed out on the floor so I decided to take the guest bedroom with her. I was still awake when Kuroo came into the room, I’m guessing because he thought it was yours, based off of how he kept mumbling your name and shit,” she exhales, “he grabbed onto me once he got in and just clung.” You glower at her, huffing. She sees this, sighing before continuing, “Calm down, remember nothing happened. Remember that girl? She ended falling off the bed because I was scooting away from his clingy ass.” You look at her blankly, trying to fit the pieces together. “She ended up leaving the party completely,” she mumbled in embarrassment before you speak up.

“Then why did he tell me you guys had sex?” You mutter quietly, although assuming she heard since her head backed up while she quickly scoffs.

“I swear to God, that man. Listen.” You look up into her eyes- her genuine eyes. “Me and Kuroo didn’t do a single thing. I didn’t do anything to him and he didn’t do anything to me. I’ll have a conversation with him later because he is an absolute dumbass,” she breathed.

What the fuck?? You were just supposed to believe her?

“How am I supposed to believe that?”

“Me and him ended a long time ago. I don’t like him like that and I haven’t for a while. And seeing he was bragging about you the entire time at the party, he’s over me, too. Besides, I’m not even into guys that much anymore anyways,” she grinned and winked at you. The shock and realization hit you like a truck. She wasn’t even- oh my God. She chuckled at your expression; you ran away from her to the counter to get your phone, quickly unlocking it and tapping on Tetsurou’s contact.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” you mumble over and over. To tap the call button, listening to it ring as you bring your phone up to your ear, hearing him pick up the phone almost immediately after.

“Y/n? Are you okay?” He sounded worried. It’s only been about a week, he had hoped that you weren’t going to leave him.

“Get over here, right now, Tetsurou.” Your voice made it seem like it was urgent, so he quickly picked up his jacket from the couch, and you could hear the jingling of his keys as he grabbed them and opened the door, almost slamming it shut once he left.

~.~.~.~

“Y/n?” He asked at the open front door, wondering why it wasn’t closed. “Y/n, you have to be careful and close the door, we have them for a reason, you know,” he said as he walked in. Even after being at the line of a break-up, he still cares for your well-being. He didn’t even do anything wrong and he was still caring for you as a loved one should. He always did everything to make you feel comfortable and safe, so once he knew that he had slept with his ex he was completely devastated to his core. He didn’t want to do this to you, but you had the right to know.

“Tetsu.” You called. Already back to nicknames? This is good, right?

“Yes? Y/n?” He was scared, to say the least, feeling awkward and not knowing what to do. He walked scarcely towards your figure sitting on the couch, not caring to drop his keys and jacket on the counter. He had a feeling this might go wrong.

“We need to talk.” Shit. This is exactly what he didn’t want to hear. Hearing those words he couldn’t help but think that you were going to make him pack his stuff and go. “So, I talked with your ex.” You speak slowly, not wanting your words to come out wrong. You don’t want him to take any of this in a bad way at all. Yet his eyes widen drastically, his heartbeat racing and his nerves pricking him. “You are just one big dummy, aren’t you?”

What? What are you talking about?

“What?”

“You didn’t sleep with her. She told me everything that happened that night. She’s not even into guys anymore. Tetsu-”

This couldn’t be happening. Not only did he accuse himself of cheating, he accused himself of cheating with his ex, and that he cheated with his ex at a party, while you two are married. And then it turns out it wasn’t true? What the hell was wrong with him? He jeopardized your entire relationship because he was too drunk to know what was going on.

“Wait, what?” He yells, angrily sitting down on the couch, “so you’re telling me-” you nodded and hummed an ‘mhm’ in response. His hands find their way to his hair, pulling at the roots and scratching his scalp, his low grunts of pain and fury seeping out of his throat as he frustratingly comprehends what he just did.

You rush over to him, grabbing his wrists and pushing them down to his lap as fast as you can, making his eyes find their way to your blown out pupils. You can see the hot tears prickle down his cheek as he frowns at you, completely and utterly defeated.

“Tetsu, I don’t want you to hurt yourself, it’s okay,” you reassure, giving him a happy smile. He wanted to smile back, but he couldn’t control the broken sob that escaped him. “Hey, hey,” you try to grab his attention as he pulls his head down, crying. “It’s okay, baby, it’ll be okay.” You wrap your arms around his head, protecting him as you softly coo and ‘shh’ him quietly in his ear. ‘I’m sorry’ kept coming out of his mouth as he clinged to you, not being able to help his want to be closer to you. The realization that he just almost broke your heart completely and he had worried about divorce for this shit made him want to just rip his scalp out. He was so stupid. So, so so, stupid. “Tetsu, look at me, please. Look at me,” you whisper, bringing your hand to his chin, dragging it up so you could catch sight of his hazel irises. His eyes red and puffy, his cheeks wet and his eyes droopy, you couldn’t do anything but frown at the sight. He hated himself right now, not wanting to face the embarrassment and the humiliation of the situation.

“You don’t deserve me, I’m so sorry,” he whimpered in your arms, gripping them tighter and tighter for comfort- you knowing that he needed it right now. You had already pulled him into your chest, feeling his wet tears soak your shirt, your hands rubbing his back and your fingers gently grazing his throbbing scalp.

“It’s okay, I forgive you, Tetsu, you did the right thing by telling me you did it instead of hiding it from me, and then it turns out you didn’t do it at all.” Your cheeks start to feel hot, and you don’t even realize your sniffles until you could feel a dam break at your water line. You couldn’t stop them, the tears of relief. You didn’t want to stop them. You were glad that they were her, glad that they were for him, glad they were because you knew the truth, glad because you knew you two would be okay.

You looked back at your ring, watching it bloom like a flower in the spring, the meaning coming back to your marriage. It wasn’t just metal and rock anymore, it was a gorgeous promise.

“I love you, Tetsurou. Don’t forget that. You’re staying with me, alright?” you whisper into his hairline.

“Thank you,” he cries.

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florencwrites · 3 years

Text

ignoring is bliss 〚technoblade〛

in which [reader] struggles with her lover's inconsequent affection, and a good talk is unfortunately inevitable; the silent treatment has never worked well with techno.

"I don't know what you want me to say." His back had still been turned towards me at this point, the rake heavy in my hands as I tried using it to steady myself in the muddy stable. He kept loading dirty plucks of hay onto his pitchfork, the thinly lined buttoned shirt he was wearing easily letting his back muscles shine through.

I stood silently behind him, deliberating my words thoroughly. I hated when he acted like this, I absolutely despised him. He was one of the smartest men I'd ever had the pleasure of meeting, however, the second things went sideways conversation-wise he always played it painfully personally. He would start correcting my grammar or suggest synonyms for otherwise satisfactory sentences. "I don't either."

"I guess that marks the end of this conversation." He turned around to dump his gathered muck in the makeshift wheelbarrow Phil had built us. His face was hard, his brows furrowed and his features lax. He seemed indifferent, his attitude scaring me to pieces.

"Tech, please." I tried, putting one of my hands up to gesture for him to stop walking. He was now barely lifting the barrow from the ground, ready to head off to the dump. He huffed, his eyes meeting the floor as he put the wagon down. "You know I hate it when you call me that."

"I'm sorry," I muttered softly.

He ducked to grip his hands around the handles again, lifting it from the ground. His knuckles were white where they held onto the leather-covered grips. "Speak up."

"I want to have a conversation with you, okay? Stop acting so fucking stuck up and talk to me." His shoulder brushed past mine as he exited the stables, my voice was high in emotions, definitely on the verge of breaking with desperation.

He snorted. "I'll listen to whatever you have to say when you've calmed down."

"He won't talk to me, Phil." I groaned almost obnoxiously loud, taking a sip of water to wash down both my dinner and my agitation. "You know how he gets."

"All pissy? Tell me about it." He chuckled softly, his forearm shielding his bowl from my sight. He shoveled another spoonful of beef stew into his mouth. Phil and I had never been extraordinarily close, he reckoned Techno and me to be undeserving of each other. A terrible pair. And perhaps we were, at times like this I couldn't help but doubt whether or not we truly were the destined lovers we often thought ourselves to be. "I'll bring him some food later."

I laughed at him, a father at heart. A father to anyone but his actual sons, really. A playful grin on my lips, "You're an enabler, Phil."

That night I crawled into an empty bed. One I hadn't even doubted would be just that; empty. He was weak like that, he'd do anything to avoid conflict. Whether that was because he was afraid of what his blinding rage fits would conjure, or whether he was just an impotent coward. Someone who didn't know how to act around uncertainty and immorality and thus resorted to blaming everything on his treacherous temper.

The sheets still smelled of him, I held them to my nose.

There was no reason for us to fight, I hadn't meant to start one. I simply wanted him to realize how different he acted towards me when surrounded by any crowd. He acted so distant it made me doubt not only us, but myself. My heart ached anytime he pulled his hand away from where I tried leaving him a subtle touch. My skin crawled when he no longer referred to me by the mild, but unmissably warm names he had for me.

However, nothing would ever hurt me as much as meeting his eyes in a room of our friends and seeing the love seep from his irises. Physically witnessing his affection turn into nothing short of mere acquaintance.

Everyone knew us. There was no reason for him to act so cold, so distant. Though, I also recognized that perhaps there was an underlying reason. One I simply hadn't thought of, or perhaps one that I couldn't ever imagine. One that he had retained from his troublesome past.

The thing is, it hurt me to think he didn't trust me enough with his reasoning. That he didn't want to tell me about his thoughts. I'd been extremely careful and meticulous with any information he'd granted me, I was sure to never let what he told me change my opinion of him. I vowed to never look at him any different.

So, why could he not promise me the same?

There was no point in pushing myself from my sheets the next morning. I knew how long his episodes usually lasted, I wouldn't even have to try talking to him for at least two more days. Normally, I'd try, though. I'd sit in the grass right next to where he was working outside, just talking to him about anything and everything I could think of. Back then I thought for his silence to mean confusion, I thought his swirling mind simply needed a break. That a distraction would do him good.

I sat in the barely-molten grass for hours, never getting a reply.

His smell was constricting my airways slowly, every inhale making it harder and harder to breathe. What if Phil was right, what if he truly didn't love me, or not anymore at least? What if it was all an act to have a warm body to fall asleep next to, to have an extra set of hands around the cottage.

I kicked at the sheets, desperate to get them away from me, to get them from clinging to my sweaty body. I only tangled my legs further into the mess. The bed creaked loudly against the wooden floor of the attic, a gust of wind running through a small gap in the roof.

I shot up, finally being able to rid my body of the sheets. I huffed a few times, the annoyance getting the better of me. I slung my legs over the side of the bed, now just sitting on the wooden frame, letting my eyes wander over the walls. The pictures of us that were tightly tacked to the planks, photos of our favorite pets and our best of friends. Photos of us with Phil and Tommy, and even a stray photo of me and Wilbur, back when we were kids.

My gaze found its way towards the singular window behind our bed, the only one of two walls that weren't entirely slanted. His red robe stood out like a sore thumb in the feeble blanket of slushy snow that had been slowly accumulating over the course of the night. Summer was officially over once again, and the cold would soon make it so we could no longer afford to sleep alone.

He rarely wore his robe outside of special occasions, he usually would simply opt for one of his brown ones. One was trimmed with a thick deer fur, the leather on it sure to keep all frost out. The other one was his summer one, the more dirty one of the two. It was always stained with blood, since it would also be the one he went hunting with. He disliked hunting in the winter, the harsh winds and easily discernible prints made it no fun, according to him. He stacked up during the summer, drying his meats to allow them to be kept safe for months, if not years.

But now he was wearing his red robe, lined with the finest of polar bear fur. The one that had the special compartments for his potions, and the one I had sown a totem into. For good luck. He rarely wore it for any occasion but war.

He pushed himself from the ground, turning around swiftly; the velocity making his cape whisk dramatically up in the wind. His eyes seemed fixated on the ground until they unwarrantedly shot up to the window I was sitting at. Any other day, I would've averted my gaze. Not now. He knew I was staring, and he was allowed to know so. I held my eyes on him until his feet carried him out of sight, into the house. I sighed softly, I felt entirely forlorn without him, without his caring hands and loving eyes. I let myself fall back into the bed, cuddling the sheets once again as I curled away from the entrance. I reckoned he would have to change out of his robe soon, and I didn't want to face him when he did.

I heard the front door slam, and as predicted the rungs of the many ladders soon creaked in his hold. The worn, practically ancient, trapdoor was pushed ajar behind me. I couldn't be bothered to turn to meet his eyes. However, instead of quietly changing out of his clothes, I felt the bed dip. He sat on the side of it, much alike to how I had found myself just minutes before.

"I don't like feeling weak." His voice was rougher than usual, it kept its usual monotone aura, but for some reason, it felt more emotional than ever before. He cleared his throat as if to try and mask it, to no avail, "I don't love you any less."

I shifted in the bed, though, he quickly stopped me, "Don't look at me, that just makes it harder."

I obliged. He let out a trembling sigh, taking his sweet time to deliberate his next words, "Sometimes we are outside together and I'm afraid that when they see how much I care about you, they will realize that you make me weak." I stared at the wall, still curled into the blankets. I wanted nothing more than to hold his face, look at him as he spoke. Instead, I had to make do with the pictures of his face plastered on the wood. His pointy, flappy ears and peaked nose. The two sharp-looking fangs set in the corners of his lips, ones that seemed to disappear when he smiled. He didn't like smiling for pictures, I didn't have a single one of the two of us together where he smiled. The only ones that showed his beautiful pearly whites were the ones that had me behind the camera, something I only then realized might've not been a coincidence.

"It scares me to think they could hurt you for loving me, that's why I don't like holding your hand in town." I shot a quick look over my shoulder, his back was slouched over, his head in his hands with his elbows propped on his knees. He wasn't crying, he simply seemed lost."I never realized that what scares me even more is the idea of you not loving me at all."

I slowly crept from under the sheets as his words fell silent. I crawled over towards where he was sat, near the foot-end of the bed. I took one of his hands from where he had rested his face on it and pulled it out of the way.

I snaked my arms around his neck, pulling my body into his. I draped my legs over his lap as I held him. His built arms felt tender against my exposed back, however, he held me tight. He squeezed softly as another quivering breath escaped his lips. We sat in embrace for a while.

"That's all I asked for, Tech." I smiled into his neck. "I just wanted to talk, that wasn't so hard, now, was it?"

"Shut up." He playfully tried pushing me away from his torso, underestimating the power of my cling. "You know I hate it when you call me that."

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cheekygreenty · 3 years

Note

Hi, I just saw your prompt list for Shadow&Bone!! could you possibly do No. 2 from Angst, but like with a happy ending? Like reader n Kirigan are togeather but then Alina's comes along.. just, please let be happy at the end. I like angst, but my heart can't handle sad endings 😢😢 thank you!!! ❤❤

Future- The Darkling x Reader

(Very very angsty with a happy (?) ending. It made me cry a lil bit writing it ngl)

You trusted him, wholeheartedly. At least that's what you told yourself every day since she came to the Little Palace; the place you had always called home, where you felt safe from the prying eyes of the public.

Yet now, the place was fueled by harsh rumors of him and her. Everywhere you went you could hear a whisper, nobody tried to hide it anymore, the words were always entirely devoted to your crumbling union;

'I thought they were happy'

We were.

'How can he and Alina not be together, it's destiny.'

I'm starting to think so too.

You didn't acknowledge it. Just put on a sweet smile and a brave face. Don't let them see you're hurting. Even in your own home, you had to pretend and lie, which at the end of the day, when you laid in an empty bed, made you exhausted.

He told you she meant nothing more to him than a mere weapon. But that was when she first came and when he still managed to make it to your shared chambers and would whisper sweet nothings as you fell asleep.

It was different now, on more than one occasion you caught a glimpse of them together, him looking at her the way he always looked at you. However much he claimed to be a good actor and manipulator, there was something there and he couldn't deny it either.

You hadn't confronted him about it yet fearing that if you did, the truth would hurt and sting and make all those rumors true. In addition, you haven't seen him in days and the last time you did, he told you to stay away from the wonderful Sun-Summoner.

The truth was you knew deep down in your heart that she wasn't at fault. That she was not the root of the problem. You constantly fought with yourself to stop any hatred you felt towards her. She was lovely, kind compassionate, and innocent. She didn't deserve to feel your wrath.

But with that came the confusion of who to blame. You or Him. It made you tired and weak. The smallest of tasks made you drained and tears would well in your eyes at the thought of having to live another day like this, a day full of questioning yourself and the man you loved more than anything in the world.

No matter how much of a strong person you swore you were, this was taking a substantial toll on you. He had become your support network and he knew it, he loved it. He always said he finally felt appreciated when you came around, that he wasn't alone anymore. He had conditioned you to be this way. When times got tough, he was always your shoulder to cry on.

No doubt that shoulder was now next to Alina. Perhaps they went on a horse ride, visited the Black Heretic fountain, or were enjoying a rendezvous next to the lake.

You didn't want to know, all that mattered was that he wasn't there with you when you were falling apart. Maybe you relied on him too much.

You wondered if he noticed the whispers too, or the way you'd been missing crucial meetings, or even if he noticed you wearing your red kefta more often, ditching the black once you'd heard Genya speak of making a golden-black kefta for Alina, per the Darkling's request.

That was a punch in the gut. It hurt more than him avoiding conversation with you or even his deterrence of touching you. He had bestowed his colors to her when not even three months ago he didn't know she existed. It had taken you a long time to gain his trust and don his signature black yet all she had to do was waltz in and show up. And it hurt.

And now here you were, training the next generation of heartrenderers, as you did almost every day. You had given your life to the Little Palace and its Grisha and this is how you were being repaid. Not even Ivan, who you had shaped into an excellent soldier, had looked your way lately.

'Excuse me Ms. Y/L/N I have an urgent request from the General' You whipped your head around to the young Grisha boy with an obviously hurt look on your face which he couldn't understand.

'Of course' you choked out and took the piece of paper from his hands and watched him in sorrow as he left.

Ms.Y/L/N? what happened to moya sovereignny? You were never one to uphold the formality, but this was just another blow to your confidence. You were no longer referred to as his other half which only meant your position in the palace was quickly dwindling.

You opened the wax-sealed envelope and took out the thick sheet of paper. There was a time when he himself would deliver the news to you himself and use it as an excuse to spend extra time with you.

'I cannot make it to the meeting with the King this evening, attend and report back to me anything relevant, no horse business'

You scoffed loudly, drawing attention from the young Corporalki around you and leaned on the table in front of you. Not even a please or thank you. With the note clutched in your hand and tears of frustration in your eyes, you stormed out of the Corporalki room and towards his war room.

You peeked through the open door and seen him. He didn't look at all busy as he chatted with Zoya, Ivan, Fedyor, and some other Squaller you didn't recognize. Zoya threw her head back in laughter at something Fedyor said but Aleksander kept his stony expression. You threw the door open dramatically and everyone froze.

'Leave us' you cautioned as Aleksander's onyx eyes looked right into your own.

Nobody moved but Zoya was the first to speak ' Y/N, we're actually in a meeting if you couldn't tell' while everyone nodded along, except him.

You never had anything against anyone in that room, but in that moment you couldn't help yourself and used your small science to bring everyone to their knees in front of you, except him.

'Leave us' His voice rang out in the midst of their sharp breaths and chest-clutching. They scrambled to their feet and left one by one, Fedyor quietly muttering 'moya sovereignny' as he passed you which filled you with some courage. The door shut and the sound echoed over the walls.

You threw the note across the room and let it hit his arm. 'Did you forget your manners General? Or does it only apply to the people you claim to love?'

'Funny you should say that Y/N, you haven't attended any meetings in weeks without providing a reason. You're making me look like a fool'

'I'M MAKING YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL?!' Your tears were now streaming down your face, falling quicker than you could wipe them away.

He stayed silent and that broke your heart even more, he could've said something, anything.

'Aleksander, I'm trying to keep myself together for everyone, I'm trying so very hard to appear normal and happy but I don't think I can do this any longer. The whispers and the rumors, watching you and her-' You slid down the door and sat on the floor, head resting on your knees. '-It's getting to me.... and it's killing me.'

You thanked the Saints you didn't see his face, for the silence spoke for itself. He didn't deny anything or reach out to comfort you. I've lost him.

'All I wanted was a happy ending.' You laughed a sad laugh that pulled at his heartstrings. With your eyes still facing away from him, you didn't see his hand go up to wipe the lone tear that fell down his face or the slight shake in his hands as he did so. He had no words that would comfort you. He knew what he'd done. He'd been avoiding you ever since he realized it. He didn't want to see you cry or see how his actions affected you.

Telling you that it means nothing to him was of no use. You had it in your mind now, forever engrained around his name, the rumors wouldn't stop and Alina was still around. He truly felt nothing of importance for her. All she meant for him was a key to a better future with you.

He approached you slowly, getting down on his knees next to you. He took your hand in his and held it up to his lips. He never prayed, but right now he silently muttered words to all the Saints. Don't let her leave.

'I'm so sorry Darling. Y/N I love you so much.'

'But you love her more' You yanked your hands away.

'NO. no. Y/N. I swear it. You are everything to me' He had grown serious now, he wanted you to look at him. He missed you.

'Then explain why you're parading her around like a Queen, letting her wear your colors, probably sleeping in her bed'

'I have never toucher her in that way. I'm yours Y/N.' Please look at me.

You lifted your head and looked at his beautiful face. He too looked tired, exhausted. His eyes were red and puffy. Saints, I've never seen him cry.

'You will have a happy ending. I promise Darling' He took your face into his hands and connected your foreheads together. 'I promise. I'm doing everything I can to make sure you will, and even if I can't, I swear you will you and our children-'

Children. Aleksander never spoke of them to the point where you had settled with the idea you'll never have them. Something about the desperation in his voice made you believe him, Aleksander was strong, he never gave up but he also never sacrificed himself for anybody. Up until now, you didn't think yourself worthy enough to be saved in exchange for him.

'-I would give up everything to see you and them safe, away from harm's way. Right now, the world doesn't deserve them, but once I do what I have to do, I'll give you children. However many you want, Just stay. Please'

You were borderline hysterical as you melted into his embrace. Weeks of frustration and hurt disappeared into thin air. Aleksander held you so tight you were having trouble breathing but you didn't care. He held you all day and all night. All meetings and tasks forgotten.

He explained everything in detail, from the stag and firebird to what happens if things don't go to plan. He kept nothing from you, not even the stress and pressure he felt. You comforted him as he always does to you. You fell asleep together and dreamed of a life with a happy ending, one where you never had to doubt his motives, you dreamed of your future.

Taglist (if you want to be added, plz tell me!)

@theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @lostysworld

@0-artemis

#shadow and bone #grisha #imagine #the darkling #the darkling x reader #alexander #alexander morozova #alina starkov #fanfic #ben barnes #general kirigan x reader #black general

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