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pinoyrella · 3 years

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“A Love So Beautiful” Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Can I Hop Your Bike?

FT: Tsukishima Kei, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Hinata Shoyo, Kageyama Tobio, Yachi Hitoka, Y/N’s Parents, Tsukishima Akiteru and Mrs. Tsukishima (u wish dat was u huh)

TW: Mild Language

Genre: Fluff, Comedy, Angst, Coming of Age + Slow Burn

WORD COUNT: 3,200+

“A LOVE SO BEAUTIFUL” Masterlist

A/N: Two Chapters in One Day??!?! hehehehe i hope you enjoy!!! 😳🙈💞

The sound of ringing interrupts your peaceful slumber.

“Arghhh I hate Mondays.” You groan as you toss yourself to the side, stopping your alarm. “Y/n?” A soft voice calls out to you. “Eaaahhh” You reply with a groan. “Y/n?” The soft voice calls again. “Hnnnng” “Y/N! Wake up you’re going to be late for school.” You get up, grabbing your phone and checking the time. “MOM! It’s only 7:03!” You yell, getting up to head to your closet. Picking out the hanger with your already-ready school uniform. You get dressed and head down stairs, making your way out.

Walking to the side of your house where your bike is normally parked. You stop, and notice it’s not there. You circle the house from the outside twice before going in, checking your garage and the hallway.

“Mom?” You ask, going into the living room. “Have you seen my bike?” Your mom puts down her mug on the dining table before questioning you, making her way outside to where your bike is normally parked. “Is it not beside the house?” She looks and circles the house, you following her. Your dad notices you two from their bedroom window. “What are my two girls doing?” “Y/n’s bike is missing!” “WHAT?!”

You sat on the couch in your living room, your parents interrogating and scolding you. “Hun I don’t understand, you just had it last Friday! You brought it to school with you and came home with it. You didn’t go out all weekend too. Did you forget to lock it?” Your mom asks as your dad awaits your answer. You sit recalling if you had done so the previous Friday night.

You had barely just arrived home, having a late study session with Yachi at the school’s library. As you enter your gate, you watch as the door to Tsukishima’s house opens, seeing Yamaguchi and Tsukishima walk out.

“Oh! Y/n!” Yamaguchi calls to you, making his way out from Tsukishima’s gate. Tsukishima follows his friend after locking his door.

“Hey Yams! Tsukki! What are you guys up to?” You ask, parking your bike in front of your yard.

“Tsukki and I were just about to head down the street to pick up snacks at Coach Ukai’s, wanna come with?” He asks happily.

You turn after placing your bike, meeting eyes with both your friends. “Really?” You reply ecstatically.

“I don’t think she’s going to be able to keep up with us” Tsukishima lets out a snarky response, scanning you up and down, pointing to you “not with those short legs of yours.” He teases before walking off.

“Tsukki!” You and Yamaguchi call out in sync, running towards your tall legged friend.

The three of you walk off together, leaving your bike parked in front of your house, forgetting to lock it.

“Erhmm..” You recall the memory, hanging your head low. “No…” You admit quietly. Your parents sigh. “Well, there’s no other thing we can do than to buy you a new bike.” Your dad replies, picking out his wallet. “N-NO!” Your parents stop their action before turning to look at you, confused by the sudden outburst. “I-I mean… noooo, it’s okay. I want to walk to school for awhile.” You lie, knowing damn well with your little scene going on in your head. ‘I’m going to tell Tsukki someone stole my bike... then he would have to take me to school eheh heh heh...’ Your parents continue to look at you before replying. “Well, when you get tired with those short legs of yours-” “DAD!” “Let us know.” He says before you head out, bidding your parents a farewell.

As you walk out, you notice Tsukishima barely getting past his gates. “Tsukki!” The blonde stops and turns to you. “Tsukki!” “Morning…” He mumbles. “Tsukki can I-” “No” he replies immediately before riding off to school. “Tsukki!!!” You call out before holding onto the straps of your backpack, letting out a sigh.

You make your way past the corner of the block, only to run into Kageyama. “Boss?” You look up and smile at your friend. “Where’s your bike?” He asks confused. “I.. it got stolen..” You reply embarrassed. Kageyama looks at you before taking his backpack from the seat carrier, putting it on. “Come on” He says, patting the seat carrier. You look up to him and smile before hopping on. “I’ll take you to school until you get a new bike.” He turns his head looking back at you. You continue to look up into him, noticing a shine in his eyes. “Thanks pal!” You reply holding onto his backpack. He lets out a small laugh before beginning to pedal.

Tsukishima locks his bike as he sees you and Kageyama arrive together, clutching onto him from the back as he parks his bike nearby. Tsukishima stops his actions before watching as you hop off, and giggle. He scoffs before wrapping his backpack around his shoulders, heading to class. “Thanks again man!” You give him a pat on the shoulder before skipping off. Kageyama watches as you skip away. “Anything for you boss” He quietly says, letting out an unintentional smile.

“Yachi!!!” You jump greeting her into a hug before sitting down. “Yachi!!!” Hinata playfully mocks before pouting. “It’s never Hinata!!!” He puts his hand under his chin, still pouting. The two of you alongside Yamaguchi turn and laugh. “Aww Hinata” You ruffle his hair before turning your attention back to Yachi. “Do you guys want to head to Ukai’s shop after school?” The blonde girl and orange turn to look at each other then to look at you. “I’m sorry y/n! We have practice coming up after school. OH!!! Did you know we’re gonna be heading out to Tokyo for a training camp this weekend!” Hinata jumps excitedly. “It’s no worries and no way! Tell me about it!” You let the orange haired boy ramble to you excitedly before Tsukishima butts in. “You’ve got a big mouth for 8 o-clock in the morning.” He says irritated. “GASP” You audibly say before making your way up, wrapping your arms around Hinata’s head. “Don’t say that about our ray of sunshine!” You defend. “Our?” He asks, feeling a bit more irritated seeing your arms wrapped around another boy. “Yes!” “Whatever, it’s not that big of a deal anyways. It’s just a training camp for a club.” He speaks back. “Just a training camp for a club.” Kageyama mocks what Tsukishima had just said.

An aggressive slide comes from Tsukishima’s chair before Yamaguchi grabs his wrist. “Oi Tsukki!” You, Yachi and Hinata watch as Tsukishima and Kageyama glare at one another. “Whatever King.” Tsukishima irked before pulling from Yamaguchi’s grasp, intentionally and aggressively nudging Kageyama to the side as he made his way out the classroom.

“Tsukishima-kun is terrifying…” Yachi says to you before you take a seat.

Tsukishima arrives home after a long day, Coach Ukai beating them to the pulp with practice. “I’m home.” He calls as he switches his shoes to his house slippers. “Oh? Kei!” Tsukishima looks up and sees his older brother standing in front of him, a cooking apron wrapped around him with bunny slippers, and a spatula in hand. “Nii-chan?”

It’s been five days since Akiteru came home with a surprise visit, and Tsukishima has had enough of his older brother.

“Kei, come come look at this.” Akiteru makes his way to his younger brother, showing him a stupid meme on his phone. “Look it’s us” He lets out a laugh.

Akiteru, Kei and their mother sit together at the table. “So Kei, tell me, you have a girlfriend yet?” His brother asks as Tsukishima chokes on the rice. “Kei!” His mother hands him a glass of water. “Did you finally ask y/n-chan out-” “NII-CHAN!” Tsukishima bursts, cutting his older brother off.

“Keeeeeeiiii~” “What?! What is it now?!�� Tsukishima asks irritated, seeing his older brother pop his head into his room. “Wanna… wanna go to McDonalds with me..” Akiteru makes a kissy-face, connecting his pointer fingers together. There's a silent moment before- “YOU’RE A GROWN MAN GO BY YOURSELF!”

Tsukishima shakes the throbbing pain off his mind. He walks into class exhausted, plopping into his seat, resting his head on his palms. He is NOT in the mood.

You take notice of Tsukishima’s attitude, grabbing your pen, you make your way to him, kneeling just a bit before poking him .”Tsukki” You whisper. The blonde snaps his head up, looking into your eyes. “Are you okay?” You quietly ask before he sighs, feeling a bit calmer. You notice his expression soften, and as he was about to speak, Kageyama and Hinata walked in. “Y/n!” “Morning boss” Hinata and Kageyama greet. Kageyama makes his way to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder before dragging you off. “Tobi-o!” You choke, Tsukishima watches the interaction between you two and scoffs, facing his head back forwards.

You watch Tsukishima’s mood goes back into irritation, concerned for your friend and super crush before class begins.

You sit on your bed as you contemplate whether or not to call Tsukishima to follow up on how he’s feeling. You look out your window and see the blinds to his room are closed. You sigh before you hear your mom call out to you. “Y/n! Dinner is ready” You leave your phone on your pillow before making your way down the hallway of your house.

As you sit, your mom begins distributing the rice from the rice pot to both yours and your dad’s plate. “Mom let me help” You take the scoop coming from the meat placed on the table and distribute it to their plates as well. “Thank you baby.” Your mom thanks as the three of you begin to dig in.

“Ah! Did you hear? Akiteru’s coming back to town” Your mom shares the news to both you and your dad. Your ears perk up. “Akiteru Tsukishima?! I haven’t seen him in so long!” You reply. “I bet he’s grown taller, that boy has always been so fast to grow.” Your father joins in. “Y/n” You respond with a hum. “Can you please stop by the Tsukishima’s after dinner, there’s a ‘welcome home’ present on the couch for Akiteru, do you mind dropping it off?” You immediately stand. “I can do it right now!” You quickly leave your seat, heading to the living room to grab the present. “Our girl sure is a hyper one” Your dad comments as your mom chuckles. “Oh dear…”

Tsukishima hears the sound of knocking from his front door. He makes his way and opens it revealing you standing with a plastic bag in hand. “Tsukki!” You give a smile. “Can I come in?” You ask, making your way past him before he could reply. Slipping your shoes off, you turn and face him. Tsukishima shuts the door and looks at you in confusion as you waltz in his house unannounced. “What’s that?” He asks, referring to the plastic bag in your hand. “Ah!” You motion him to follow you as you make your way to their dining table. “It’s a present!” You place the plastic bag on the table.“Isn’t Aki-nii coming to visit soon?” Tsukishima tenses up as the mention of his brother. ‘Actually he’s already here’ He wants to say but lets out a blunt “Don’t call him that.” “Whatever, my mom wanted me to drop this off for him. She says it’s a welcome home present.” You begin to remove the plastic bag encasing the present, then giving the plastic bag to Tsukishima to hold.“Ta-da~!” You cheerfully let out, showing Tsukishima the wrapped gift. He stares before mindlessly making his way out of the dining hall.

“Ah- Tsukki!” You place the present back on the table, and go to follow him. “Tsukki?” You grab onto the ends of his shirt stopping him. “What?” He asks not even bothered to turn around. “I had remembered asking you earlier today.. Though you didn’t reply. Are you okay?” You speak up. Tsukishima stays silent before you begin again. “Might you be stressed because of the training camp tomorrow? Or maybe with your classes? You know I’m always here for you-” You are interrupted as Tsukishima’s shadow towers over you. He is now turned and faced to you, placing the plastic bag he was holding into yours. “You can go now.” He makes his way to the front door.

“Ah! Wait-” He stops to turn and look at you. “Have you prepared for your brother?” “Why would I have to?” He replies coldly. “Well because he’s your brother!” Tsukishima lets out a scoff before continuing his way to the front door, hand on the doorknob. “Do you still resent Akiteru for what he did back then?” Tsukishima pauses, no answer. “Tsukki-” “Yes, now please leave.” He twists the handle to the door, slowly opening it. “I won’t!” Tsukishima turns to glance at you. “Why must you be so cold?” Tsukishima is taken back from your comment. “Do you understand how much Akiteru is trying his best to make up for the fabricated lies and the-all the dishonesty he has thrown at you?” Tsukishima stares at you, listening to your words. “Did you ever think about how hard he’s trying to slowly put your brotherly relationship back together?” Tsukishima looks to the ground, his grip tightening on the doorknob. “Can’t you see it?” No answer. “Or are you just pretending not to see it?” Tsukishima, irritated, opens the door wide, walking behind you and slowly pushing you out. You step out, turning to look at him before he shuts the door into your face.

“You better close the door and never let anyone in!” You say angrily as you stomp your way back to your house.

You make it inside, dropping the plastic back on the couch before taking your seat, finishing the food you had left earlier.

After you had left, Tsukishima lets out a sigh before fetching himself a glass of water, taking a pain killer with it. He wasn’t sure why his head’s been hurting all day. He glances at the photo frame with him and his older brother on the shelf, taking it and bringing it with him to the couch. He stares at it before setting it down. Beginning to remove his sweater before lying on the couch, soon falling asleep.

Sitting on your bed, you feel guilty for bringing up a very sensitive topic to Tsukishima. You grab your wallet and make your way out of the house, heading to Ukai’s shop down the street. Buying packaged strawberry shortcake, hoping you could at least help cheer him up, after all he was already having a bad day, and you just had to add to it. You thank the coach before making your way back to his house.

At his front door you knock but no one comes to answer. You twist the knob only to find it unlocked, letting yourself in. “Can I come in?” You ask again, shutting the door behind you and slipping out of your shoes. “Tsukki?” You make your way to the living room only to find Tsukishima laying on his back, face heated as sweat droplets form on his forehead. You drop the plastic bag with the strawberry shortcake on the coffee table and kneel to him before checking his forehead, then checking yours, the temperature difference between you being drastically different and abnormal.

You stand back up, quickly running towards the kitchen to prepare a glass of water, placing it on the coffee table. Before running up the stairs to his room to grab his blanket and pillow. Coming back down, you gently elevate his head on the pillow, and wrap him with his blanket. You leave once again and come back with a damp facial towel, removing his glasses and placing the towel on his forehead. Looking down at him making sure he was set before you left, you run back up to his room one last time, grabbing a pen, a sheet of paper and one of his stuffed dinosaur plushies before running down.

“Tsukki, you have a fever. Make sure to stay hydrated and rest well. I left you your favorite in the plastic bag. I’m really sorry for earlier, call me when you can so I can properly apologize. Good luck tomorrow at your training camp. Take care.” You write, signing your name at the bottom before placing his dinosaur plushie with him.

You make your way out his front door, shutting it behind you before heading home.

What you didn’t notice was Akiteru parked in his car in the driveway. “Y/n-chan?”

Akiteru enters his house, heading to the living room seeing Tsukishima snuggled on the couch. Immediately whipping his phone out and snapping possible blackmail photos, he notices the note on the table and reads it.

Akiteru clenches his heart in joy. “My dear baby brother, I’m so happy you have someone like y/n in your life. I no longer have to worry about you being cold and single for the rest of your life.” He says wiping a fake tear away before heading off into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

An hour passes and Tsukishima wakes up confused. Noticing he’s wrapped into a burrito. He slowly wiggles his way out, the facial towel and dinosaur falling off. “What the-?” “Oh? Kei, you’re awake!” Akiteru calls from the doorframe leading to the kitchen. “Nii-chan? What?” “Read the note on the table, it’s from your girlfriend.” Akiteru says before leaving back into the kitchen. Tsukishima slowly sits up, grabbing the note and reading the letter. After, he places the note back on the table before grabbing and removing the plastic bag. His eyes shine as he pulls out a box of packaged strawberry shortcake. ‘Y/n…’ he thinks to himself, feeling his heart skip, before laying back on the couch.

The weekend passes by quickly and you wake up to the sound of your alarm going off. “I hate Mondays.” You yawn and stretch before getting dressed. Finding both your parents at the dining table. “Mom, dad” They both look up at you. “I think I’m ready to get a new bike.” “I called it, I knew our baby wouldn’t last walking to school for more than a week” Your mom excitedly nudges your dad. Your dad takes out his wallet handing your mom a $20 bill. “We can pick one when you get back home, now hurry you’re going to be late to school.” Your dad says.

You make your way out your door and notice Tsukishima on his bike in front of your gate. The sunlight hitting so perfectly, you run out your gate, slowly closing it behind you before calling out “Morning...” The boy turns his head, looking at you. “Good morning” he replies softly. You creep closely to him, eyeing his back seat. “Your back seat looks very comfortable, I wonder if it feels the same if I sit on it.” Tsukishima rolls his eyes as you continue. “I bet it’s cold in the winter and warm in the summer.” You look up meeting eyes with him. “Can I hop on your bike?” You ask smiling. The sunlight is now hitting your face and Tsukishima swears he has never seen something so angelic in his life. He doesn’t realize his stare for too long before bluntly replying with a “No.” You pout and he removes the backpack from his shoulders, handing it to you. You begin to smile again, grabbing onto the backpack before hopping onto the back seat.

The two of you riding off to school together.

A/N: Hello again everyone!! Posted this chapter two days a lil too early but... I felt like such on a roll today! Anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter, thank you so much for reading and bearing/baring? through my awful English and grammar. But although that, I hope you still enjoyed!!

See you next time! MWAH ILY!! 💖

TAGLIST: @cvlliesstuff

Please lemme kno in the comments (or in asks) if you’d like to be added to the taglist!! Thank you so much!! 💖

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angrypomerianian · 3 years

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asexual bakubabe! and he’s hella supportive of midoriya and todoroki’s relationship. (he doesn’t show it, but he is. he also cares about the two of them even if he won’t admit it.) mina and denki get told off, but they are good people! denki is also just taught wrong, as people aroung him have been telling him that. he gets better!

also, this is also kind of my rant fic so details may be a little messy!

izuku woke up in todoroki’s arms. he tried to get up, but he only tightened his arms even more. izuku smiled, thinking how blessed he was to have such a nice boyfriend.

a voice drifted from downstairs, “izuku, shouto, get up or your going to be late!”

his mother had walked in on them once, which was mortifying, but she was very supportive. she had burst into tears, of course, which was awkward for shouto, but after that they built a nice relationship.

after that, inko also decided to buy some earplugs. because of the... night time activities. yes, that’s what we’ll call it.

shouto slowly woke from his slumber, groaning and twisting around in the fluffy blanket. izuku patted his cheek, and his eyes opened.

“good morning, izu.” izuku giggled. that was something shouto and kacchan called him, as they were his closest friends. kacchan would never admit it but the three knew it was true.

“good morning, shouto!”

shouto sat up, groaning and stretching. he started picking up his uniform and other strewn clothes covered in a sticky substaces, if you know what i mean.

they went downstairs to be greeted by inko and plates filled with pancakes and fruit.

it was a monday, and what a beautiful day it was. the grass was green, the sky was blue, and the sun was shining. shouto and izuku were walking together, pinkies slightly touching. they’d been in a relationship for a few months, keeping it a secret as they were afraid of their opinions.

they walked into the classroom, and many students were already there. they said their hellos to uraraka and iida, sitting down in their respective seats.

katsuki entered next, giving a nod to the couple. he’d already known about their relationship because he accidently walked in on them making out.

they didn’t notice, but they heard him screach, drop a bunch of things, and fall to the floor. they looked at him, his eyes widened with shock and disgust, and they immediately thought he was homophobic.

shouto was already ready to tell him off, but katsuki interupted him, “jesus FUCK you idiots! what the fuck are you doing making out in the FUCKING LOCKER ROOM!? go to the dorm room or some shit, an a s e x u a l student is trying to FUCKING CHANGE!”

they were both surprised. they’d already known that katsuki had no sexual interests, but they were shocked by the support. of course, he found out in the worst way possible, but they had a friend (katsuki will never admit it) that supported them.

izuku impatiently waited for class to end, he wanted to go home with shouto and spend some alone time together on this beautiful day.

izuku was wrong. it was a terrible, terrible day because both denki and mina were teaming up on them.

mina giggled, “it seems like you and todoroki got closer, don’t you think?”

denki nodded, “you both are on first name basis, too.”

izuku squeaked, “we’re best friends!”

“you were best friends at the beginning of the year, too!” denki put in.

“i think it’s love!“ mina said.

iida waved his arms around, “that’s a little intrusive, mina!” commanding as ever.

mina waved a hand dismissively, “whatever, this boy needs some love! and maybe some sex while he’s at it!”

izuku squeaked, and the girls’ cheeks reddened. sero started laughing. even katsuki’s eyes wavered slightly, unfocused. “i need no such thing!” izuku wheezed.

"it's like none of you have thought about it before. come on, we're all healthy teens. sexual tension is flying, and some of it most definitely needs to be resolved!" she exclaimed, gesturing with open palms. then she looked around wildly.

denki also agreed. "sex. mina and i have experience in the arts of knowing these things, and we are here to counsel you. you're hopeless, the lot of you." she pointed at ochaco. "you need sex." he pointed at kirishima. "you need sex." katsuki. "you need sex. teenagers need sex, adults need sex. it's a natural part of life! but you two..." denki faced izuku and shouto, grinning. “you’ve already had it, didn’t you? it was recent.”

shouto was struggling to keep his poker face, and was fuming silently next to him. they were all silent, until katsuki exploded. it wasn’t one of those loud explosions either. his facade of not paying attention was shattered, and he slowly stood up, hands banging against the table, so loud that everyone startled.

katsuki was furious. anger rolled off him in waves. "enough!" katsuki wasn’t yelling, or giving off explosions. he was hissing, but was still loud enough for everyone to hear. "stop spreading your shit. sex is not necessary. sex is not for teens. not for us anyway. sex is for love or pleasure or not at all. don't spread your lies. you're absolute perverts, we're all only 16. i don't care what you two do in your own time, but you do not poison anyone else. i already have to put up with you all enough of the time without this shitty talk. so let me tell you this, nice. and. clear." he leaned over to where mina and denki sat, wide-eyed and terrified. "you say i need sex? let me teach you something new. you've never been able to accept that I don't fucking like to be among people socially, but perhaps you'll understand this; i don't need sex. i don't need touch. i loathe it. and right now, i loathe you. now i reccomend you both leave now, before i loathe you enough to move past words."

denki and mina couldn’t move faster. the entire table was silent, and katsuki was still fuming, watching them leave. he sat back into his hair, and carded his fingers through his fair. “jesus fuck.”

he stood up, and marched the opposite direction, also taking shouto and izuku with him. they left the cafeteria, leaving the class to sit in silence.

“well, i don’t need the sex talk with my parents right now?” momo tried.

katsuki pushed them against the wall, silent and tense. shouto was stiff, fists still clenched. katsuki rubbed a hand over his face, “shit, sorry about intruding like that. they just really pissed me off.”

shouto relaxed, and so did izuku. “thank you, kacchan!” “thank you, katsuki.”

he rolled his eyes, “whatever, i need to have a talk with those two.”

he left, leaving those two alone. shouto and izuku returned to the room, where the class was looking at them. kirishima put a hand on shouto’s shoulder, “he didn’t hurt you right?”

shouto immediately scowled, “no he fucking helped us. you shouldn’t be called his best friend if you’re going to doubt him like that.”

kirishima looked shocked, just like the rest of him, and the two left the room again. they heard katsuki talking to mina and denki, scolding them harshly.

“you two are unbelievable, you know that?” denki had the deceny to look a little ashamed, but mina looked like she was confused.

“those two have been dancing around each other, do you know how annoying it is to have to listen to each others rants about how amazing they think the other is? and they were worried that you guys would put them down, finding them disgusting. i saw you spying on them, like the nosey bitches you are, and i asked you not to bring it up. you agreed, even went as far as promise me, and you had the audacity to bring it up in front of everyone?”

“b-but it was gossip!” mina tried to protest. katsuki gave her the flattest look ever.

“yeah, and they were trying to avoid it, but you fuckmunches nearly gave it away. do you understand how they must’ve felt? it was lunch time. everyone was there, and you just had to bring it up in that room. couldn’t you have waited a little and ask them privately?”

“b-but what did we disrupt talking about sex?”

“because the two of them are in a secret relationship, which was supposed to be a secret, and just like how mineta was reacting to that, people aren’t very welcoming of two genders liking each other. they were terrified that you would bring that up, and you did. if i hadn’t intervened, you would’ve spilled it, wouldn’t you?”

mina and denki looked down in shame. they wanted to say no, they wouldn’t, but it was obvious they would’ve.

“b-but they’re liking the same gender!” denki protested.

"yes, kaminari. gay. does that threaten you?" katsuki responded in monotone, although they could both see the venomous eyes . "do you not remember what i said in the cafeteria? jesus fucking christ, not everything is cut straight and narrow like you. people are a whole range of colours you know. personally, i prefer shades of grey, but it does appear that shouto and izuku prefer blue, or the rainbow, or whatever you want to colour it. homosexual, queer, gay. but maybe you're more accustomed to terms such as faggot."

shouto and izuku were in shock by the ramble that katsuki went on. he doesn’t usually talk this much, but he seemed very set on supporting them and crushing anyone who were set on otherwise.

“if you have a problem with it, i’ll need to you leave the building. i hope you learned your lesson, but like i said in the cafeteria, if i start loathing you enough then i’ll be going past words.”

denki crossly looked at katsuki, “they’re wrong.”

katsuki lost his last line of patience. he punched the wall next to him, leaving a hole in the wall. “you’re wrong.”

kaminari pass out, and mina spoke up quietly, “you’re a good friend, katsuki. going that far to support them.”

he didn’t even spare a glance at her, “you no longer have the right to use my frist name. until i say so, you’ll be addressing me as bakugou. none of those childish nicknames either.”

when aizawa and all might checked the security cameras, they were in shock of the two student’s behavior, though it was expected. what was not expected, however, was that katsuki full on supported them. when they checked the other footages, anyone who said something was then seen bulldozed by one bakugou katsuki.

they decided to hold an emergency assembly, focusing on the importance of welcoming everyone, also playing the footage clip of katsuki telling the two off.

the class was half surprised about todoroki and midoriya, but welcomed them either way. kirishima also hugged the life out of katsuki until he almost lost an arm.

that day, the only two to survived katsuki’s wrath was the couple who’d sent him a gift basket filled with spicy sauce bottles.

#asexual character #bakugou katsuki #tododeku #todoroki shouto #mina ashido #kaminari denki #kirishima eijirou #class 1a #supportive bakugou katsuki

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liliesoftherain · 4 years

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Bittersweet Findings, in that Order

A/N: WOW I’m sorry this took forever, school started back up and I’m already so swamped on the first day??? Like pls, stop. I don’t want to . At least I got to finish this! I’m so happy ughjfoivfihviowuh, I didn’t get to edit this so I’m sorry for any mistakes(All my writing has mistakes in it cause I don’t edit hard enough just post, whoops) But enjoy!! I hope you guys like the fluffy part two(: (AND THE CRAPPY BATTLE SCENE AIFAPIHVPI)

Pairing: Izuku Midoriya x Reader

20. “Wait a minute... Are you jealous?”

Part One

Izuku Midoriya!: Part 2

As soon as Jiro had slammed the door you felt nauseous. If it wasn’t bad enough everyone would believe you were crushing on the blonde, your actual crush had heard everything. Izuku had heard everything, and well you were honestly scared. As far as you were able to tell, there didn’t seem to be much of a reaction on his end. The thought of him not caring had your heart squeezing painfully in your chest. You already knew deep down that you probably wouldn’t have much of a shot with one of the top three students of U.A. You were always hopeful, of course, but you never really thought it would go anywhere.

But that didn’t mean it hurt any less when you found out it wasn’t ever going to go anywhere.

Besides being in pain, you now also had to deal with the stresses of Bakugou. His emotions were always out on display, yet everyone who disagrees just doesn’t know where to look. His eyes may be intimidating at first glance, and that’s why everyone chose to look away. But if you stayed to look longer, you could clearly see everything he couldn’t convey into words out on the table. His emotions tonight however, when you locked eyes, caused such confusion in your mind. His eyes almost looked, dare you say, disappointed.

You wanted to believe it was due to the fact he didn’t like you, but that didn’t seem to be it. His disappointment was stemmed for another reason entirely and you couldn’t quite understand why. You knew the only way to solve it would be to just face him, and talk to him straight up. Even if it will be awkward, it’d be better to get the truth out to him now versus losing him in the sense of friendship and family. You were sure it would all blow over and no one would think twice about it once the school week began.

It was only Friday, and unfortunately you doubted you’d see much of Bakugou until then, just because he is awkward himself and most likely doesn’t know how to confront you about the ‘feelings’ you have. Which, you don’t.

Towards him anyways.

You thoughts were drifting off towards Izuku once more until Mina cleared her throat, desperate to break the tension that flooded the room.

“I swear, boys are such pigs. Listening in on a girls sleepover, don’t they have anything better to do.”

“Guess not,” Settling back on the floor, Jiro then wrapped herself in a blanket with her cheeks blazing, “I’m going to kill him when I see him next..”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine-” Momo glanced at you, “For the both of you. I’m sorry, we wouldn’t have said anything if we knew Bakugou was outside.”

“Yeah, at least dumbass probably didn’t realize who I was talking about, if he heard me that is.” Jiro sighed.

“Well it’s not that big of a deal because I don’t like Bakugou.” You shrugged.

“You don’t? I was so sure.” Mina grumbled, a hand on her chin as she began to think out loud-reminding you of the boy you truly liked.

Your chest tightened and you felt your face fall, the worried looks of the two on the ground confirmed it as they asked what was wrong.

“It’s just.. He was out there. He didn’t seem to care-I mean..” You huffed, annoyed at the pressure that began to build behind your eyes.

You didn’t want to cry, there was no reason to. He was just some silly crush, just another classmate, just Izuku.

But that was the thing, he was Izuku.

Izuku was everything you hoped to be and more. Strong, caring, enthusiastic, brave. He was an amazing hero, and you had no doubts that one day he will become the number one. He may not be a pro yet but he sure as hell had the guts to be.

“Wait if you don’t like Bakugou who’s he?”

“...Midoriya.”

The girls jaws dropped and the sight drew a tiny laugh from you.

“Babes you like Midoriya?” Mina slapped her hands over her cheeks, reminding you of that famous painting.

“Yea, I do.”

“It’s just, we didn’t expect that honestly.”

“You just don’t seem the type to like someone like him.” Kyoka rubbed her neck.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You frowned.

“Nothing bad, I just meant that you two don’t really hang out too much. I’ve always seen you around Bakugou and Kirishima, I just never pictured you ‘d like Midoriya cause well-”

“He doesn’t seem like your type.” Mina cut her off, hoping she wouldn’t upset you.

You couldn’t be upset because you understood their questions, you really didn’t hang out with Izuku much. But that didn’t mean you didn’t like to hang out with him. You just got too nervous to ask to hang out more, when he didn’t seem to want to.

“I get it. It’s hard to talk to someone when they don’t want to talk to you back.” You sniffed, and didn’t even realize you were beginning to cry.

“Oh hun,” Mina wrapped her arms around you, “Midoriya looks up to you a lot!”

“Really? Why would he look up to me?”

“It’s true! Midoriya-kun is always talking about you and how he admires your strength, your battle tactics, and how smart you are!” Momo smiled, hoping to help sooth your worries.

Your tears were slow, maybe a tear here and there, but it was still more than anyone has ever seen you cry. You tried not to, you were too afraid to show such a raw emotion. Unlike Izuku, how was he so brave?

“Just because he ‘admires’ me, doesn’t mean he likes me. I’m sure he has no romantic feelings towards me whatsoever.”

“If he doesn’t like you then he’s tripping, who wouldn’t like you?”

“Exactly, Midoriya may not love anything as much as he loves AllMight-” That made the group laugh, “But that doesn’t mean he can’t like anyone else, meaning you.”

The hums of agreement were enough to stop your tears, and agree with them in hopes they would stop talking about it.

While you were thankful they were trying to reassure you, you really didn’t want to keep thinking about it.

You all agreed shortly after that going to bed would seem like the best option now, after the whole thing you guys felt pretty worn out. Making yourself comfortable on the bed next to Mina, you wished the two on the makeshift bed next to you a goodnight before everyone quickly nodded off.

Except you, you were finding it hard to fall asleep as you recall the events that happened over and over again in your head. It was hard, trying to convince yourself that Izuku could actually care about you in that sense. But you couldn’t, there was no way someone as talented as him could look up to you like they said, let alone like you in any other way than a classmate. No way someone as talented as him could feel that way, someone so positive, well-collected, and just outright outstanding.

You couldn’t hold a candle to someone like him.

These thoughts continued to plague your mind until you were too exhausted to think, finally falling into a sleepless slumber as your body felt cold and numb, even under all the blankets.

The entire weekend went by without seeing either boy, and it only caused your anxiety to grow. Was Bakugou ignoring you now? He really must have thought you had a crush on him, and you wished he would just talk to you so any awkwardness between the both of you would be over and done with. You just wanted things to go back to normal, which you hope would be easy enough if Bakugou would quit running away from you and let you talk.

When Monday rolled around you knew it was your chance to finally talk to the kid and tell him it was all a big misunderstanding. You headed to class early, hoping to catch him there since he was always the first in class. Thankfully you were right as always, walking into the classroom the only other person inside was Bakugou.

“Hey Bakugou, morning.” You greeted, walking over to his desk.

His eyes immediately snapped up to stare at you, his body going rigid the closer you got. He was silent, and the longer it stretched the more irritated you got.

“Don’t you know it’s rude to not greet someone back?”

“Look, (l/n)-”

“I don’t like you, stop being weird already!” You huffed at how uncharacteristic he was being.

You were taken aback by the look of surprise on his face, his eyes opening wide and mouth parted. It was funny to see such a look on his face so you snorted in amusement as your irritation wore off, effectively snapping him out of his daze. His face took on one you were used to seeing, narrowed eyes burning in annoyance and mouth set in a scowl.

“What?”

“The girls were teasing, and they just assumed it was you. So I’m sorry to say I don’t have those kinds of feelings for you, I hope your heart isn’t crushed too badly.” You joked.

“Shitty girl,” Bakugou ran a hand down his face and let out a deep sigh, “Don’t be such a pushover and tell them to shut the fuck up then.”

“You’re telling me not to be a pushover? What about you, quit being such a pervert. What were you doing out there anyways, peeping tom.”

“Oi watch it,” He clicked his tongue, shoulders relaxing as he leaned back in his chair, “no one was peeping at nothin’, and I sure as hell wouldn’t do some dumb shit like that. I was there to watch someone get their ass beat. Which was disappointing by the way, you losers didn’t do shit.”

“Well wait for sparring later today, I’ll make sure some ass gets kicked for your sake.”

A smile fell onto you face as a lazy smirk rose on his, and you felt peace fall over you. This was how it was supposed to be, friendly and natural. No one was avoiding anyone, no awkward atmosphere. Friends and nothing more.

The door opening caused you to look back, only for your peaceful air to disappear as you caught sight of curly locks. You watched his eyes dart away as he took his seat, and you felt your body grow cold like how it every time you thought about him.

Izuku swore he didn’t know how many times his heart could break, it must have been hitting double digits by now. As soon as he opened the door, he saw you looking at Bakugou who had some stupid smirk on his face. You two looked awfully chummy, you must have gotten together or something. The thought of you two together felt like a knife piercing his heart.

Along with the pain, some unknown feeling sparked up and it had him confused as well as angry. His eyes narrowed and he quickly turned his head away, heading to his seat. He ignored the sensation of your eyes on his back as he sat down, the rest of the students trickling in which acted as a great distraction. He was exhausted, not finding it easy to sleep lately. While he hadn’t cried again since that night, it didn’t mean the pain he felt was any less. The earlier feeling was now gone as he struggled to pay attention in class, listening to the normal general ed lectures until it was time for the hero training.

You were dismissed to put on your training uniforms then head out to the training grounds. Aizawa-sensei had met you there, giving the instructions of today’s session.

“It’s just regular one-on-one combat. Quirks allowed this time, but keep it in check. I don’t want to deal with it if you go overboard, so don’t force my hand to stop you. Got it? Good. Use this to immobilize your opponent. Here are the partners..”

You were handed white tape and made to select a piece of paper that had a match number your partner would share. You were paired with Ochaco, and she smiled brightly as you were the first team to spar.

You didn’t mind her, she was a lovely girl, but it was the fact she was so close to Izuku that had you a little wary of her. She admitted to you girls once that she used to have a big crush on Izuku throughout the first year of school, so how could you not be? It was a bit daunting overall, she was in the position you wanted to be in when it came to the boy. You wanted to be able to hang out with him more often and not have it be a weird occurrence to do so.

You both took your place across from each other and waited for the signal, jumping into action once it was given. As long as you didn’t let Uraraka touch you with her hands, you would be okay. So as soon as she lunged, you willed your body to jump away from her as you landed off towards the side. You played this cat and mouse for a bit, making sure to not get hit by any rocks she had happened to find and use as ammunition.

You managed to snag an opening and quickly knocked her off of her balance, pinning her to the ground on her front and quickly securing the tape around her wrists. Aizawa-sensei called it you win, and as the good sportsman you are, helped Uraraka up apologized for the rough landing. She laughed it off, saying it was an incentive to work harder to hope to catch you off guard and win next time.

Your eyes automatically searched for Izuku, as they always did, and much to your disappointment he wasn’t looking at you. He would normally give you a giant grin and a thumbs up, telling you his thoughts on the match once he had the chance to talk to you.

But now his gaze wasn’t nearly as happy as you remembered it to be, his brows were pinched and his normal smile was now pulled tight. His gaze was focused, heated one would say, staring straight at his own opponent. You missed his smile, you hadn’t seen it in a while. You were also curious as to why he ignored you all weekend and today, was he perhaps embarrassed about getting caught?

That had to be it, Izuku did get easily flustered or embarrassed, it might take him a bit before he could talk to you again. Which you didn’t like, but if that’s what he needed than you would be more than willing to give him that. Besides, he didn’t owe you anything.

It’s not as if you were dating, he didn’t even like you for goodness sake.

You turned away from the boy, hoping no one saw the hurt that flashed across your face. You turned your attention to focus on the remaining matches, getting a weird feeling when Izuku and Bakugou walked up to take their own places after a couple of battles.

Izuku felt his body heat up when Aizawa called him to his own spar, his partner already waiting. Green meeting red in a heated gaze, Izuku felt that unfamiliar emotions from early come back tenfold. What was just a spark is now a flame, burning hot. Once the signal to begin was announced, the rational thoughts left. All Izuku could focus on was the way his heart hurt, the way his chest burned, and the discontented eyes that stared right at him.

What did Bakugou have to be dissatisfied about? He had you didn’t he? He’s always been one step ahead of him, Izuku knew this. Since they were kids, it was always Bakugou. Bakugou in the lead, Bakugou with the quirk, the friends, the power, the strength. Why now, after so much work, why is Bakugou still so far ahead of him?

Midoriya and Bakugou dodged each other's blows swing after swing, the quirks not even being used at the moment. It was an even match for the most part, until Izuku saw Katsuki’s eyes flicker over towards the crowd, then back towards Izuku with a smirk and whispered;

“Wait a minute… Are you jealous? You should be.”

That’s when the last bit of self restraint snapped.

The fire now a blazing inferno as his teeth ground together harshly, allowing more than a bit of his quirk to seep into his hand as his fist made contact with Katsuki’s cheek. His head snapped to the side as he was unable to block or move, even countering seemed out of reach as the boy staggered back, clearly not expecting such a hard punch. Bakugou’s eyes hardened in anger as he finally began to use his own quirk, explosions going off to propel him forward with more speed and more strength.

Shouting and grunting was all that was heard from the two, besides the harsh sound of skin on skin. The two were going all out, and what surprised you the most wasn’t the look on Bakugou’s face, but how Izuku held the exact same look on his own. It was different to see him with such a smoldering look, as if he were upset at Bakugou for some reason. Which didn’t make sense to you, because while they weren’t the best of friends, Izuku was hardly-if ever-truly angry at Katsuki. You wondered if there was something that happened between the two of them to cause this type of behavior.

You gasped as you felt the intensity of their powers radiating off of them, it has been a while since you’ve seen Izuku battle with such a ferocity up close. You didn’t have the same work studies, so you hardly ever battled together on the field unless you were teamed up for one reason or another. So when you heard his loud cry, and saw energy coming off of his arm in large waves, you couldn’t help but worry. What was he doing battling so hard?

What was he trying to prove?

Izuku had everything to prove, he knew it. Even if he wasn’t sure why he did, he knew he had to. It was some instinct, some deep down feeling that once lay dormant had sprung to life and was gnawing at him till he listened. Well, he knew what that feeling was now he supposed, it was what Katsuki said-

He was jealous.

But he had to listen to it, to show that he was the better man, to show that he was worthy, that he wasn’t just some crybaby. That he too was a man, worthy of-

Well, worthy of you.

As quickly as he let his power spike did it drop, the power coursing through him ceasing as his closed fist still struck against his opponents jaw, just with less vigor. He felt Katsuki’s clenched hand strike his cheek harshly, yet no stinging explosion followed.

Both boys fell over from the force, and knew that they weren’t the ones to deactivate their quirks.

You looked over to the left and saw your teacher with glowing eyes, a hard stare on his tired face. He must’ve known things wouldn’t have ended well if he allowed the fight to continue.

“Were you two even trying to trap the other, what’s gotten into you. I thought you both overcame this age old spat and were getting along better. I’m disappointed. Get out of here and get cleaned up, now.”

Aizawa didn’t let his quirk drop until the two were walking away, in the opposite directions. One towards the locker room, and the other towards the bathrooms. He just sighed at the sight, clearly annoyed at having to stop the match.

“Next group, let’s go.”

Izuku’s hand banged against the locker door as he slammed it shut. Breathing heavy as he tried to still his racing heart, the pain in his body not registering as his adrenaline was way too high to allow it. It was an odd feeling, knowing you were in pain but unable to feel anything more than anger coursing through your veins. Was this how Katsuki always felt.

The thought of the boy alone sent another spike of jealousy through him, causing him to bite his lip as he glared at the ground.

“That was intense, are you okay?”

His head snapped up to meet your eyes, and his heart skipped a beat.

“(l-l/n)? What are you-”

“I asked Aizawa-sensei if I could check up on you, you guys were going at it pretty rough.” You said softly, not caring you were in the boys locker room.

While Izuku wanted to be thrilled at the idea you were worried about him, he couldn’t bring his body to cooperate.

“Why do you care?”

You were stunned, the annoyance on his face and in his voice catching you off guard. You were unsure of what you did to him, was he mad at you?

Izuku? Mad?

“Midoriya why wouldn’t I care about you? You’re my friend.” You swallowed your hurt at the word.

Little did you know Izuku did too.

“Friend, right.” He scoffed.

Izuku wanted to kick himself for speaking so rudely to you, but at the same time wanted nothing more than for you to go away.

You were a constant reminder after all, a reminder that he’d never be good enough.

Never be enough.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You crossed your arms over your chest defensively, growing aggravated.

“Listen, shouldn’t you be with Bakugou.” He copied your stance, also turning his head away from you.

His eyes were narrowed, and eyebrows drawn together with a pout on his face. You thought he almost looked cute, if it weren’t for the snarky tone he was using. Plus, when did he start calling him Bakugou? Even after all this time, he never failed to call him Kaachan.

“Bakugou? Why would I be with Bakugou-”

“Oh cut the crap,” He let out a frustrated cry, hands weaving through his hair, “Look I get it, he’s better than me. That’s what you think-that’s what everyone thinks! I was probably overthinking it, I know I was. Why would you ever like me in the first place. God, I’m such an idiot! To think I’d ever have a chance with you! I want to be mad at you, but I can’t! It wasn’t your fault I got so attached, so into you, but you keep coming into my life and I can’t just forget you! Whether it’s a study session, a spar, a friendly mall trip! I hate it all, because all I do is feel these good-for-nothing butterflies and-and these stupid feelings!.. Just please, leave me alone…” He cried.

The tears in his eyes made him feel even more angry, as he desperately tried to wipe them away.

“I-I know I’ll never be what you want. It’s not me and I’ll be okay with it but I can’t, h-have you here constantly reminding me! I, I just can’t-” A sob escaped his mouth, “It hurts, because I’m just proving to you how inadequate I am.. How worthless, how stupid, hopeless, lousy I am and I-”

Your body froze at his confession, and you weren’t sure what to do. Sure, this is what you’ve wanted for a while now, but at what cost? The boy you were in love with was standing in front of your, crying his heart out, pouring out his insecurities. You reached a hand towards him only to have him back away from it.

“I’m never going to be as good as him. I’ll never be as strong, I’ll never have what it takes. I’m not that outgoing, I know I’m shy, and I’m okay with myself.. I don’t want to change who I am, but hearing you don’t like the type of person I am hurts (y/n), can’t you see what you’re doing to me?” Watery green eyes bore into your own.

“Izuku I don’t like Bakugou.”

“Don’t lie to me, why-why would you-”

“Izuku,” You grabbed his face, being wary of the bruise that was forming on his right cheekbone, “I like you. I always have. You are stronger and braver than anyone I know. I don’t know why you’d think I’d believe otherwise.. You’re so headstrong in battle, you are exactly how I want to be as a hero, and you don’t even need to try! You’re caring, compassionate, forgiving, loving, sweet, yet so brave, tough, unyielding, strong-willed, Izuku. You’re the most assertive person I have ever met… And, well you know how I feel about assertive people.”

You were whispering, tears in your own eyes but a smile on your lips nonetheless. It was beautiful to see his eyes widen with tears other than sadness, his frown softened into an unbelieving grin, to see such a lovestruck expression on his face.

A blush quickly formed underneath your hands, stutters spilling from his lips to form sentences.

“I-I, uh, you re-really mean that? You-er-you’re not lying t-to me?”

“When have I ever lied to you?”

“U-uh well.. Never.. But Kaachan was being-”

“Never. That’s right, plus when is Bakugou ever nice? He probably said whatever to make you angry, you know how he likes to egg you on. Don’t worry, I’ll kick his ass later,” You took a deep breath as you blurted out your next words, “I’m in love with you, Izuku Midoriya. Full on, unconditional love. And I don’t care if it’s too early because that’s how I feel. And while this may be crossing a line, I know that I will follow you anywhere, because I have the utmost faith in your abilities, in you. I love you, and I want to be with you. If you’ll have me.”

Your own blush spread across your face, growing more nervous the longer he took to answer. You began to retract your hands away from his face when his own slapped over yours, causing you to yelp in surprise.

“I-I-I LOVE YOU TOO AND W-WANT YOU TO BE MY G-G-G-GIRLFRIEND!” His eyes were squeezed shut, his entire body now red from embarrassment.

Your laugh made him crack one eye open, and he felt all his worries and fears fade. Gosh, how were you so beautiful?

“I would love to be your girlfriend Izuku, even if you are a big baby.”

He looked offended at your words, playfully clicking his tongue.

“Great cause uh, you don’t have the choice of saying no!” His chest puffed out, eyes set firm as he stared at you with an intense look.

“Oh?” You rose an eyebrow, watching as his strong-guy demeanor fell in an instant.

“N-no of course you can say no, um, i-if you really wanted to..”

“I don’t. You know, everything I said was true. I like you for who you are, not who you think I like. I need you to be you, and no one else. Baby and all.”

He bit his lip nervously, looking into your eyes as he squeezed your hands in his, bringing them down from his face to rest in between you both.

“I can do that.”

“I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

Hearing those words Izuku knew;

He was a crybaby.

But he was your crybaby, and that’s all that mattered to him.

#bnha #bnha x reader #bnha izuku #bnha izuku midoriya #bnha izuku midoriya x reader #bnha izuku x reader #bnha midoriya #bnha midoriya izuku #bnha midoriya x reader #midoriya izuku #izuku x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #mha izuku midoriya x reader #bittersweet #bittersweet findings #part 2 #bittersweet part 2 #mha x reader #mha

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totaldramaonline · 4 years

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Thank you for 220!!!

As promised I am making a proper post about it. Thank you all so much for following and supporting this blog!! I never could have expected it to get this many followers this quickly, or that so many people would enjoy my little AU, its amazing!! This post might be a bit of a long one but stick around because we are gonna vote on what to do to celebrate! I'm also gonna talk a bit about me and why this blog makes me so happy if anyone cares lmao

ok so item number one: the celebration

I have a couple ideas on what we could do so here they are (im also going to do a get 2 know OP sorta thing but that comes l8r)

Season one watch party

I would set up some sort of virtual chatroom/watch party thing and we all get to hang out and binge watch season 1 (as much as we can get through)

if this is the option ill probably have to do a second poll for what program bc Netflix Party requires everyone 2 have Netflix, Kast means everyone has to have Kast, etc.

Total Drama Commissions

So I like to think I've gotten decent at drawing in the style, I drew some of the photos in the posts as well as my own pfp so the idea is that I can draw whoever you want (yourself/OC/character) in the style for cheap. Deadass like 5 bucks idk.

Ask box slumber party

for this one to work yall are gonna have to participate but basically, we would all hang out for the night in my ask box! ill answer questions all night as fast as i can as they come in! ill probably post a few question starters and stuff

(personally this is my favourite option but it's up to you guys)

Voting is now closed (9/31/2020)

item number 2 on today's agenda goes under the cut bc it consists of me getting kinda sappy and rambling for a while

welcome to hell. I don't know when to stop talking to strap in.

Having this many people follow me in under 2 months is so fucking crazy. I never thought you all would be so excited about my little au, I made it for fun because I half rewatched the show with my sister and wanted them all to be friends, and I guess that's what you all wanted too! and then I realized there was sort’ve a fanbase and I was just amazed. This show is such a nostalgic show for me, it was one of the cartoons that my dad loved to watch with me and my siblings. (he's not dead I just realized how that sounds) I was probably 10 when they re-aired all three seasons on cable and we would get into it like it was a survivor and they were real people. I have 6 siblings, and all of us over the age of 10 were obsessed with this show at one point or another.

They don't make cartoons like this anymore. (i say, sounding old as shit and actually not knowing bc I don't have cable) But this show and 6teen are my favourite shows to rewatch now that I'm not a kid because there's so much hilarious shit I missed as a kid. No wonder my dad liked the show alone with us lol. But yeah, none of this really matters to the whole 200 followers thing, but I'm just so excited to see that so many people like the show as much as I did and do now ya know? so yeah, thank you for being here?

I really will try and keep up with this blog properly, it's just gonna be hard. As of right now, I have ELEVEN blogs, 5 of which I am actively creating content for, and I am starting a new job on Monday so that's gonna start eating my time. But that's why the queue is great! I try and fill it every few days, and ill do my best to keep that up (but bets are off when school starts back up, it'll probably have to be cut down to a few times a week)

anyways, if you have read this far, I'm sorry for all that and thank you?? you're amazing?? I'm gonna plug my other blogs for a second

@what-is-fanart-even is my main. Go here to see what I'm up to. I also do my art here, have my redbubble here, my main commissions, etc

@skyrim-said-that is the blog I'm probably most active on but unless you're into Skyrim it'll be boring lmao. I'm really only listing it so yall can see where I'm spending my time.

This is my Kofi if you wanted to uh support me? no push lmao I'm just putting it here bc I have it

I also have blogs for Outlast, Farcry 5, Red Dead Redemption, sitcoms(Gilmore girls, friends), IT (2017), and Fallout. ill drop URLs in the comments if anyone asks lmao.

and if you actually read this far you're the real fans, and I love you SO much. have an AMAZING rest of the month/year and i hope you're doing great!! Bye!!! ask box is open all the time if anyone wants to talk!! i love you all!!!!

#WHEW THIS BITCH IS LONG IM SORRY #im just excited ok #thats why im literally posting it at 2 am #ill rb in the morning #total drama #social media au #is my head too big? perhaps #like im aware 200 isnt a lot but also I LOVE YOU ALL #total drama social media au #total drama island #total drama action #total drama world tour #total drama au #poll

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vintagevalentinex · 4 years

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Decode, XIII

Hey guys! Here it is! I just wanted to let you all know that this one is a little scary/dark so be forewarned!

Thank you for continuing to support this story, as I have continued to love writing it!

Feedback is always appreciated!

xoxo

Decode, XIII by vintagevalentinexx Mycroft Holmes x Reader ~1600 words

You were running for your life.

The burning of your lungs didn’t deter you as you continued to run, to where you didn’t know, but you just knew that you couldn’t remain where you were. Something was coming for you and you had to get away. You could feel the rapid beating of your heart, the blood pounding in your ears as you ran as fast as your legs could take you; the burning in your muscles not even able to stop you from running. All of a sudden the world started fading around you, your surroundings going from a muddy gray, slowly getting darker, going back until you were running into nothingness. The silence was deafening, and being able to only hear the pounding of your heart was unnerving. You tried to scream into the void, only to hear absolutely nothing. You realized whatever was chasing you has caught you.

Your eyes snapped open, groaning as you felt a dull ache at the back of your head. What the hell happened? The last thing you remembered was opening the door at Sherlock’s flat, thinking Mycroft had come back up. You tried to move, nearly rolling your eyes at the fact that you were tied to a chair, the zip ties biting into your skin. You took in your surroundings, just about too dark for you to see anything that could possibly give you any indication as to where you were being held. It was hauntingly quiet wherever you were and it didn’t seem as though whoever had taken you prisoner was there at the moment. Despite all of this, your mind kept going back to the same person.

Mycroft.

Did they take him too? Was he alright? Did he know you were missing? Did he even care? Would he be able to find you?

You were snapped out of your internal rambling by approaching footfalls. They shuffled along, seemingly slovenly as their approach grew louder and louder. You kept your eyes up defiantly, determined to see the face of the person who abducted you. You saw a shadow figure of an average-sized male approaching you, your heart pounding against your ribcage, but you refused to look away. His face became clearer in what little light there was where you were being held. He stood maybe ten feet from you now as you tried to place his face. He was fairly average looking, not the Quasimodo, menacing man with a handle-bar mustache you were expecting. You knew you had seen him before…but from where?

“I see you haven’t figured out who I am yet, Professor.”

His voice is what made it feel as though you were doused with ice water.

That voice. You had heard that voice every single day at the University when you’d go in early in the morning and as you left every night. It was a voice that you knew very well, a voice that you had always assumed was nonthreatening.

It was still dark when you parked your car in the faculty parking lot. Just another typical Monday. You taught classes all morning, had some office hours in the afternoon, along with a faculty meeting. If you were lucky, you’d be able to get some of your own research done. Stepping into the building you quietly made your way to your office to prepare for the day, as well as the long week you knew it was going to be. Turning a corner, you nearly had a heart attack. You just avoided slamming into the janitor who was quietly mopping the floor.

“Oh I’m so sorry, I should be more careful!”

The janitor smiled kindly at you. “It’s no problem at all, Professor. Be careful, we wouldn’t want you to slip!”

“Oh yes, thank you. Have a good morning!”

“Good morning to you too, Professor…”

It was all starting to make sense now. You had been in early every morning and had become accustomed to seeing the same faces again and again. Just when id that janitor start? He was fairly new before you left for London…Oh my God.

“I see it’s all starting to make sense now, isn’t it?”

If looks could kill. You continued to stare up at this man, wanting so desperately to pull yourself from the zip ties that bound you to the chair.

“How long…just how long were you watching me?”

He lips upturned into a wicked smirk. “I wasn’t at the University for awfully long, to be honest. Just about a month before you headed across the pond. I really wanted to nab you before your trip, but you proved to be hard to attain…I like that about you, (Y/N).”

You could feel the bile rise up into your throat. This was a game to this psychopath, and for some unforeseen reason, he decided to zero in on you. He didn’t even let you say another word.

“You’re just hard-to-get, aren’t you? At first I was pretty angry that I had to catch a plane…this was supposed to be an easy job. I couldn’t believe my luck when that geezer wanted to pay me to take you out…but the more I watched you, it became so much more than that. How that man could ever want to have you killed is beyond me, little bird…”

You wanted to throw up. Great, now the crazy man has a nickname for me…wonderful…that’s always a good sign…

“But I followed you anyway, I had to…I needed to make you realize how much we belong together…how much you were meant for me. I may have had some minor indiscretions since I’ve been here, but I just had to make you realize how serious I am, little bird. You are mine. And you’ll never have to worry ever again…I’ll keep you safe…where nobody and nothing can ever get to you…”

You were fairly certain you were trembling now, partially in fear, but also in anger. Who did this man think he was? Well…he probably didn’t know who the hell he was either because he is clearly delusional and insane. Please, please somebody find me. Mycroft, I hope you’re safe.

Your captor continued to talk at you for a while as you tried to make it look as though you were actively listening so you could try and figure out a way to escape. It was completely silent, albeit the rambling of the psychopath in front of you. in the distance you heard a loud thud, which pulled the killer from his perturbed fantasy, his head whipping around to the source of the noise.

In a matter of moments several red laser-like dots were trained on the chest and head of your captor, and you felt as though you could cry. Someone was here, and someone wanted to take him down. Only roughly ten seconds later you head loud boots running toward you, several pairs if your hearing was correct. You were surrounded by what looked like to be a SWAT team, shielding you from the cries of your captor.

“Take him alive. He will atone for what he’s done.”

Although the voice was laced with ice, it was the most beautiful thing you’d heard in the past several hours. You wanted to whip your head around, run toward him and throw your arms around him, but unfortunately you were still restrained. You unconsciously tugged at the zip ties, nearly hissing as they bit into your skin once again.

“You have yet to free her? Do you remember who pays your salary?!”

In that instant you were finally freed and you instantly went to rub at your wrists, certainly bruised by that point. Careful footsteps walked around you to come to your front, and careful hands lifted you up by your forearms to help you upright. You could finally breathe again.

“(Y/N)…”

You must have looked a mess. You were sure you were bruised and dirty and possibly in some state of shock, but you couldn’t help let tears fall as you were face to face with Mycroft, knowing that you were safe when he was around. He swiftly took his suit jacket off, wrapping it around your shoulders as he began to usher you out of whatever building you were being kept in. As you approached the exit you could hear your captor screaming for you. The temptation to turn around and look was there, but you steeled yourself and continued to move with your savior beside you. Before you were ushered into his towncar you were able to see that you were down by the docks, seemingly being kept in a warehouse. Typical. You looked up as you saw a helicopter speed off from the scene, as well as at least a dozen police cars creating a light show with their alarm lights.

You looked wryly over at Mycroft, who held a somewhat sheepish expression.

“Don’t you think this is a little much?”

You could feel his hand at the small of your back as he helped you into the car. As he slid next to you, you could feel the warmth of his arm around your shoulders.

“I nearly called in a tank. However the Chief of the General Staff informed me that it was ‘overkill.’”

You tried to laugh, but all that came out was a smile, your emotions betraying you. Mycroft pulled you closer to his form as the car sped off. You felt sleep overtaking you, the hardships of your ordeal finally hitting you, the adrenaline all but burned off. As you drifted off into slumber, you could have sworn you heard Mycroft speak softly.

“You are safe now, my darling.”

Next Part!

#sherlock #mycroft #mycroft holmes #mycroft holmes x reader #mycroft holmes/reader #slow burn #reader insert #mycroft is bae

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bxcketbarnes · 4 years

Text

Subtle Changes - Part Two

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Reader

Words: 3000+

Request: Maybe a part two to subtle changes because it was so cute, maybe where it’s further on in the pregnancy because expecting dad ash is just so special 😍😍

Author’s Note: HEY! I bet you thought you were never going to see this fic again. Well, I got this request a while ago and the whole thing with the cannon gave me the whole idea behind this fic. I really hope you guys like it!! Let me know what you thought, maybe???

Part One

The sun shines through the semi-closed blinds, hitting me straight in the face, waking me from my slumber. A groan leaves my lips, my hand gliding over my baby bump as I slowly opened my eyes. I squint as I look towards the alarm clock, seeing it was quite early in the morning. I throw the blankets off of me, getting out of the bed and fully closing the blinds before lying back down.

I close my eyes again and let out a sigh as I lay on my side a bit, trying to get comfortable. It didn't take long for me to fall back asleep, sleeping for a little over an hour before the sound of someone in my bedroom wakes me up. My phone dings, signaling that I got a notification from something.

"I didn't mean to wake you up, baby," Ash's voice quietly speaks and I let out a sigh of relief, thankful it's him and not some murderer.

"S'okay," I mumble tiredly and flutter my eyes open, seeing my handsome drummer standing on his side of the bed. He sets his bag onto the mattress, a smile gracing his lips.

Ashton climbs onto the bed, laying down beside me before his hand moves to the baby bump. "How's little one doing?" He asks and I smile softly, placing my hand over his.

"Little one is doing wonderful. They're keeping mommy up sometimes at night, but other than that," I explain and his hazel eyes move to mine before glancing back towards my five-month bump.

Ashton chuckles before his hand moves to my baby bump, gliding his rough fingertips across my soft skin. I turn towards the nightstand, opening it and grab the ultrasound picture. "We can't have that happening now can we," he states and leans forward to press a kiss to my stomach.

"Literally we can't. Momma doesn't get enough sleep as it is. Especially since you're not home," I tell him and he frowns a bit.

"There are only a few shows left and then I'm all yours."

I bring my hand to his face, stroking his cheek before remembering the ultrasound picture I got at my check-up a few days ago. "It's alright, baby. I've gotten accustomed to it. I just missed you quite a bit lately," I mention and lean forward to press a chaste kiss to his lips before moving towards the nightstand, grabbing the ultrasound. "By the way, I went to the doctor on Monday for my check-up and I got to see it."

Ash looks at the picture in my hand before he takes it from my fingers and I watch his eyes tear up a bit. "They're precious," he whispers and sets the picture down on his nightstand before moving the blanket away from my stomach. "Hi, little one," Ashton presses a gentle kiss to my belly, a smile on my lips as I run my fingers through his hair.

"I love you," I tell him and his hazel eyes glance up at me.

He moves away from the baby bump, hovering his face over mine before pressing a soft kiss to my lips. "I love you so much. My soon-to-be mama," Ashton coos and I grin from ear to ear.

"You're gonna be a wonderful dad, Ash."

His eyes light up as I stroke my fingers over his cheeks. "You really think so?" He asks and I nod my head, pulling his face closer to mine and connect our lips again.

Ashton lets out a sigh through his nose, melting into the kiss as his hands move up my sides. He pulled away from me before nuzzling his face into my neck, moving so he's lying beside me. His lips pepper my skin, biting softly as a giggle leaves my lips.

"I don't want to leave you," the black-haired man mutters into my neck and the smile on my face turns into a frown.

"Hey, baby," I mumble and run my fingers through his hair as Ash picks his head up, looking me in the eye. "You're not gonna be gone for long before you're home again. I would love to go with you but I'm not gonna fit in your small bunk." Ashton chuckles as I rub my belly, his eyes quickly glancing at the action before he sighs.

"I know, I know. There are only three shows left," he reassures himself more than me, his eyes slowly shutting.

I kiss the tip of his nose, shuffling in my spot so I'm laying on my back. "You wanna cuddle with me? Before you have to leave again?" I ask and his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree as he nods his head.

Ashton gets up from the bed, shedding his clothes until he's in just his boxers and lays back down beside me. He places a quick kiss to my lips once last time before I turn to my side, letting him spoon me.

His hands splayed across my stomach, caressing my skin softly as he nuzzled his face into my neck. "I love you," Ash whispers and I smile. I lay my hand over his, lacing our fingers together as I slowly close my eyes.

"I love you, Ash," I tiredly whisper, the two of us falling into a slumber.

"You're really gonna wait another three months before you figure out what you're going to have?" My friend, Steff, asks me and I shrug my shoulders.

I take a glance down at my stomach, running a hand over it as the two of us sat in the hotel room in Vancouver. "I thought about it. I guess it's kinda hard to prepare for them when I don't know the gender," I mumble as I bite my lip softly. "The woman gave me a slip with the gender on it. D-Do you wanna look?" I ask her and she squeals, nodding her head.

A laugh leaves my lips and I get up from the bed, heading towards my luggage to grab the envelope that the slip is in. I hand it to the redhead before getting back onto the bed. I watch her face as she opens the envelope, sliding the piece of paper out just enough for her to see before sliding it back into the envelope.

"Can I surprise you two with a gender reveal?" She asks me and I bite my lip, holding a finger up before grabbing my phone.

I call Ashton, putting him on speaker as it rings a couple of times before he answers. "Hey, baby. I'm a bit-"

"It won't take long, babe. Steff just wants to ask us something about the baby," I inform him quickly, knowing he's busy getting ready for tonight's show.

"Oh, alright," he mumbled and I glance towards my friend, signaling her to ask the question she asked me.

Steff shifts on the bed, getting closer to the phone so Ash can hear her clearly. "So, I know the two of you decided to not know the gender of your baby until they're here. But, your girlfriend here is having second thoughts and she showed me the slip she has with the baby's gender on it-"

"Wait, you have it?" Ashton asked me in particular and I bite my lip.

"Yeah. You know, in case we wanted to know. I always keep it with me," I shrug my shoulders and Ashton lets out a laugh.

"Anyway," Steff speaks up sarcastically, a giggle coming from her lips before she gets back to the point. "I was wondering if you two would let me plan a little surprise gender reveal?"

Ashton hums and I rub my hand on my baby bump. "What did you say, baby?" He asks and I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I didn't answer. I called you after she asked. I don't mind either way. Although, I would like to know if it's a boy or girl so we can plan a bit before they arrive," I tell him and he agrees quietly.

"I mean, yeah, sure. That would be pretty cool actually. The parents being surprised instead of our friends. It's interesting," Ash explains and I chuckle, nodding my head.

"Great! It's settled. Thanks, Ash! Oh, and tell Michael I said he's a dork," Steff mentions to him and I snort slightly.

Ashton lets out a laugh. "I will. I'll see you guys later. I love you, Y/N."

"I love you too, Ash," I tell him, grinning ear to ear.

Steff and I made it to the venue about half an hour after I hung up with Ash. As we walk inside, she excuses herself from me and I give her a weird look. "I'll be right back. Gotta go find Mikey," she winks and laughs as a giggle leaves my lips.

"Fine, fine. Go ahead! You know where to meet me," I inform her and Steff nods her head before walking down a different hallway.

"Baby!" Ashton's voice yells out and I pick my head up from looking at my phone, seeing the man I love so much running down the hallway towards me.

I smile widely, slipping my phone into my back pocket before Ash wraps his arms around my shoulders. My hands clutch his jumpsuit, inhaling his scent as my eyes flutter shut. "I hate to say it but I missed you," I mumble into his ear and Ashton chuckles, feeling his chest vibrate.

"It's only been a couple of weeks, baby girl," my drummer boy giggles and I slap his back playfully before pulling away from him.

"It may have only been a couple of weeks but I had you in my arms already when you guys were in LA. Plus, I'm pregnant so shut up," I pout and Ashton pouts before lifting his hand to my mouth.

Ashton drags his thumb across my lip, my eyes looking into his hazel ones as the hand moves to my cheek. "Alright, I may have missed you guys as well," he mumbled and places his free hand on the baby bump. "I miss your lips."

I bite my bottom lip, my hands combing through his black hair as the two of us stand as close as we can. "Well, you should kiss me then," I whisper, looking up at him through my lashes.

Ash's forehead rests against mine and my eyes flutter shut, my heart pounding in my chest. His hands move to my waist, dipping under his sweatshirt I was wearing. "I love you," he murmurs before pressing his lips to mine. I grip the collar of his shirt, kissing him back as a hum leaves both of our lips.

"I love you too," I mumble against his lips after I pull away from him. "I can't wait for our baby to meet you. To see how wonderful you are."

Ashton giggles, his forehead leaning on mine once again. A sigh leaves his lips while his hands move to my baby bump. I hiss a bit at his cold hands, feeling them against my warm skin. "Sorry," he laughs and rubs my stomach, "but, I can't wait for our baby to meet you. You're fucking amazing. You've helped me through so much and I couldn't be more thankful. I'm so in love with you and I couldn't be happier. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you."

Tears came to my eyes as I'm more emotional than I used to be due to the hormones. "Ash," I trail off and press my hands to his cheeks. "I love you with my whole heart. I don't know what or where I'd be without you."

He places a chaste kiss to my lips a few times before we heard Michael call for us. Both of our heads turn towards the right side of the hallway, seeing the blonde-haired boy walk towards us, Steff in tow.

"Hey, man. We need you for soundcheck," Michael tells Ash and the drummer nods his head before looking back down at me.

"You gonna come watch or?" He mumbled the question low enough for me to hear and I shrug my shoulders.

"I might go take a nap so I can watch your set later. Little bean's been making me exhausted lately," I tell him while rubbing the bump.

Ashton nods his head before he crouched down, moving the sweatshirt up and pressing a couple of kisses to my belly. My heart swells at the sight, combing my fingers through his hair as he was whispering to the baby.

After he was finished he stood back up, placing his hands on my cheeks before kissing me deeply. A short moan leaves my lips as I grip the front of his shirt, kissing him back for a second before Ashton pulls away.

"I'll see you later, darling," he mutters in a raspy voice, sending chills down my spine. I nod my head, giving him a smile as he and Mike walk back down the hall towards the stage.

"Y'all are so cute, like, what the actual fuck," Steff comments as the two of us make our way towards their dressing room, a chuckle leaving my lips.

"Thanks, babe," I blush and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "Sometimes I can't believe he's mine."

The show was incredible, even more than normal since it's the last show of the tour. I could see the tenseness in the boys as they awaited The Chainsmokers prank during the twenty minutes before they hit the stage and practically the entire time they played on stage.

Ashton sprints to me after he gets off stage, a large smile on his face before he wraps me into his arms. "Fuck! That was amazing," he states, giving the boys high fives as his arms were still draped over my shoulders.

A giggle leaves my lips as my arms go around his waist, gripping the back of his black jumpsuit. "You guys fucking rocked it as usual," I tell him as my head rests against Ashton's shoulder.

Steff leans up to give a kiss to Michael's cheek as he suggests to celebrate with a drink in the dressing room. The six of us begin to make our way to the room, Calum and Luke stating that they're in the clear, almost forgetting about the big prank.

I let out a breath of relief, not needing to be scared shitless right now. My fingers interlace with Ashton's, stepping into the dressing room behind him when a cannon goes off.

Screams leave both mine and Ashton's lips. He pushes me behind him, a protective grip on my arm as I grip the back of his jumpsuit. My heart pounds in my chest as the blue confetti falls from the ceiling.

"Surprise!" Steff yells as she turns to face Ashton and me, her and the Chainsmokers crew clapping with large smiles on their faces.

My lips part in shock as I take in the color of the confetti. Ashton glances back at me and I notice the tears build in his eyes. A laugh leaves my lips as my own tears build, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

"W-We're having a boy," I whisper into his ear and bite onto my bottom lip.

A couple of years trail down my cheeks, feeling his hand touch my baby bump and I pull away from him. Ashton crouches down, resting on one of his knees.

"Oh, baby boy. We are so excited to meet you in a few months. You are definitely going to be spoiled by your uncle's and us of course," he chuckles and looks up at me, the biggest smile on his lips. Cal taps Ash's shoulder and I watch as the blue-haired boy gives him something before whispering into his ear. A blush covers Ashton's cheek as he clears his throat, reaching up to grab my hand. "Y/N, my baby girl, the love of my life, my soulmate, I love you so much. You're so fucking incredible and your personality is like no other which is how I fell so hard in the early years of our relationship. And even now, being together for three and a half years, I still fall more in love with you every day. You're gonna be the greatest mother and I'm so excited to start this new chapter of my life. And I thought this could be the best time to make you officially mine, for life. Will you do me the honor and become Mrs. Irwin?"

More tears stream down my cheeks as I covered my mouth with my hands during the middle of his speech. I nod my head vigorously, not trusting my voice at the moment and I didn't think the smile on Ashton's lips could get any wider. The drummer stands to his feet, showing the ring he had in his hand to me. A short gasp left my lips and held out my left hand.

"Fuck, I love you," he states while sliding the engagement ring onto my finger. As soon as he pushed it all the way on, I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me before pressing my lips to his.

The two of us passionately kissed for a good minute before someone clears their throat, reminding us that we weren't alone. Ashton pulled away from me, his hands on my hips as his fingers drew circles into the fabric of my shirt.

Cheers began to fill the room as Ash and I look around, my hands on his chest as people came up to us from the crew to congratulate us. Ashton would thank them as I give them smiles, resting my head in the crook of his neck, my eyes finding the ring on my finger.

"I'm so in love with you," I mumble incoherently, feeling Ashton's hand squeeze my hip. "I can't wait to become the mother of our child and your wife."

Taglist: @mysticalhood @bumblebet-20 @thebookamongmen @h0tsos @kindahoping4forever @myloverboyash @smokeinherlungs @asht0ns-world @irwinkitten @maddz-world @ashs-cheergirl @dashlilymark @therainydays4 @thatcheekychic @shower-me-with-roses @lukeskisses @latemikedevil @fayesfairylights @marshmallowtraver @trashbin2 @whatmakesmehappyy @morningfears @sexgodashton @cashtonasfuck @feliznavidaddycal @ghost0fy0u @bloodmoonashton @talksopretty @pxrxmoore

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looselucy · 4 years

Photo

Epilogue

August 22nd – Harry’s POV Thirteen years of living with her, and I still wasn’t quite accustomed to how it felt to wake beside Alfie every morning.

Each day was met with this quiet elation, especially when I was lucky enough to wake up first, watch her peacefully slumbering. I would simply lay on my side and embrace those few moments of harmony, playing with her hair and not taking my eyes off her for even a second. It was exactly how I’d wanted to spend my Monday morning. It had been how I’d spent most of my mornings for thirteen long years. I’d only been back in Rosebury for three months before I asked her to move in with me. She had been adamant that we take things slowly, go about things as though it was a brand-new relationship, but I wanted to live with her so badly. She was round at mine most of the time anyway, so to me it had made sense to just ask. And though she said no the first time I asked, after a few more months of practically begging her, she moved into the home I had initially bought for my mother, and we made it our own just in time for Christmas. Thirteen years and I was still in awe of how it felt to wake in our bed, to know I had a life with her. I leaned into her, placing the softest kiss I could upon her lips in the hope of not waking her, but as I pulled away, I noticed there was a smile on her face, proving that I hadn’t quite managed it. She opened her eyes, the morning light unforgiving as she blinked in the new day. “Morning.” Her voice was sweet, fractured. “Morning, Fee. Happy Birthday.” “Oh shit. It’s my birthday?” She whined, turning her head into the pillow. “Yep.” I chuckled. “Another year older, still as beautiful as you were the very first time I saw you.” “What, in my neck-brace?” She looked at me again and laughed. “Well it’s not hard to be, is it?” “Fair point.” I snickered. “You still looked good though.” “You talk shit.” “M’serious!” She didn’t have to believe me because I knew it was true. Even with her neck-brace and her gym-wear on, nothing could have covered how beautiful she was. She caught my eye so quickly, and I knew she’d always thought that was because I’d spotted her injury, but I wasn’t sure that was entirely to blame. She went all shy, rushing to give me a peck on the lips before she went back into hiding, burying her pink cheeks into the duvet. “You should’ve stayed asleep. M’gunna make you breakfast in bed.” I said. “Hm.” She didn’t seem too impressed by the gesture. “What?” I queried as she revealed herself to me again. “Y’know what’s better than breakfast in bed?” She smiled. “Cooking breakfast with you.” That’s what I loved about her and our relationship. There was always this sense of teamwork, solidarity, cooperation, support. There was no more give than there was take on either end, we simply worked together as a unit and that was what made us happy. She knew that she’d get more pleasure from spending her time making breakfast with me than she would simply receiving the breakfast. There was more to gain that way. “Alright, let’s make breakfast together then.” “Kiss me first.” She demanded sweetly. “You needy thing.” I hushed, leaping to lay my body on top of hers and kiss her the way she deserved to be kissed; with every ounce of strength and love I had in me. It felt incredible to see her so bright, so happy. I could feel the way she smiled as I kissed her, something I didn’t think I could ever tire of. Every day with her felt exciting. We were settled with one another and our lives together, that much was clear, but there was an exhilaration there that I was confident would never fade. Maybe it was partly to do with the fact we’d lost each other at one point, like there was an appreciation there, an awareness of what life was like without the other, how bland and meaningless. Or maybe that’s just what happens when you’re with the right person. Maybe real love never loses its light. I kissed her until she was breathless, then swiftly I clambered off her, smirking and watching her whilst I grabbed our dressing gowns from the back of the door, throwing hers over her happy little face before putting mine on and fastening it tight. “C’mon then!” “Okay, I’m up, I’m up!” She cried, throwing herself out of bed and putting her gown on before she started chasing me out of the room. She caught up to me and grabbed at my hand, rearranging my fingers so that she could slot her own between them, my stomach still leaping due to the contact. Thirteen years, and my body still burst with giddy glee at the most minor of touches, everything from hand holding to how she would sometimes search for me in her sleep, her mind trapped in dreams and her physical form finding me, as though I was the embodiment of her subconscious fantasies. I loved the life I’d built with her. After she’d moved into our home, we spent some time debating over what we should do with her old apartment above the shop, and we’d eventually realised that our best option was to turn it into a gallery. I kept my most precious pieces there, the few I didn’t want to sell, and people would travel to Rosebury to see them, wander up into that small space and immerse themselves in what I regarded as my favourite pieces. It was a wonderful space. I still painted and Alfie still worked in her shop when she could, and other than those times where I’d need to travel for work, we spent most of our time together. Whenever we were apart it physically stung. I always rushed home to her. “You make the brews.” I grinned as we walked into the kitchen, lightly smacking her arse as she headed towards the kettle, laughing at how she squealed delightedly over my touch. In my younger years, especially my darkest years – at university and my first time living in New York, I hadn’t ever really thought about my future, how it might look, what I wanted. I had been so lifeless and lost that considering how things might be down the line had never been something that entered my mind. The only time I ever started thinking about the future was when I’d met Alfie. I should have known instantly that was because she would be the centre of my life from that point forward. From the very first fucking time we’d met, she had eclipsed my life then and every day since. I knew that wasn’t ever going to fade. I knelt down and opened the cupboard door ahead of me to get out all the necessary equipment. “So what do you fancy?” I asked her, continuing when she didn’t answer. “Summat little or Full English? I feel like we should go all out. With it being your birthday. Fee?” I turned to her, noticing her blank expression, the way she just stared forward like she’d seen a ghost, zoned out and empty. I dropped everything that had been in my hands, the pans and cutlery clattering on the floor as I practically jumped to her, standing in front of her in an attempt to grab her attention, snap her out of it. “Fee?” I tried again, but there was nothing. I really didn’t want to panic. I really didn’t want to expect the worst, but I could feel her fading. I could see a haze clouding her mind and taking everything away from her. I could fucking see it. The mug she had been holding fell from her loosening grip, shattered across the kitchen floor, and that’s when I couldn’t hold in my fear any longer. “Fuck, Fee, stay with me.” I grabbed at the side of her neck, pressed my forehead against hers, holding her as steadily as I could when she stumbled due to my strong hold, but she was still completely blank. “Please stay with me. Listen to my voice, okay? Listen to my voice, I don’t wanna lose you.” It wasn’t working. Slowly, she was fading away again, right before my eyes. Everything I loved about her, all our memories, all of who we were, just disappearing into nothing. My bottom lip began to tremble, fighting tears. “Alfie, do you remember who I am? Can you tell me my name?” She didn’t have an answer for me. She didn’t have anything other than the drop of her brows, which was almost an answer in itself. It told me she was confused, desperately searching for the correct, or any, response to my question, but she was unable to find one. It told me she didn’t know my name. It told me that her Alzheimer’s was flaring up once again.

2 years earlier… “No. No, that can’t be right.” Harry blurted from beside me, keeping desperate hold of my hand. “Please tell me that’s not right. She’s only thirty-six! That can’t be right!” “I’m really sorry.” My doctor replied simply. “I know you were both hoping for better news.” It was the worst-case scenario. It was the exact news we’d been dreading. It had started with really small things that Harry had noticed before even I had, how I would misplace things, struggle to find the right words. Then my memory really started to fail me, and even things like my vision took a hit, and that’s when Harry forced me to book an appointment with the doctor. I think he’d done that in the hope that we could rule Alzheimer’s out for good. But the opposite had happened. “Well… What can we do? How can we stop it?” Harry wailed as I sat in silence, attempting to let it all sink in. “I’m afraid there’s no known cure at this moment in time. But what I need you to do is have a good routine,” He addressed me. “Keep your mind active, and for now that’s all we can do.” “But-” “I’m sorry, Harry. Maybe further down the line if she’s having depressive episodes or struggling to sleep, there are things we can do and medications we can prescribe. But other than that, the best you can do is take it day by day and keep her happy.” I had no idea what to say. All I could do was hold his hand as tightly as I could, prove to him I was still there with him even though I couldn’t say a word. Maybe I’d been expecting the diagnosis in some ways. I knew it could be hereditary in some cases, so it was something I’d worried about sparsely since my mother was diagnosed, but then I’d always pushed it to the back of my mind, told myself that it wouldn’t happen to me. It was terrifying to have to acknowledge that it was already happening. “H-how long do we have?” Harry asked next. “It varies. You could have many, many happy years together. Just because she’s been diagnosed, doesn’t mean that it’s the end. Best-case scenario, this is the extent of it. It might not get any worse.” “And worst-case scenario?” Harry hadn’t needed to ask that. It had been a matter of months between my mother’s diagnosis and her moving into that home for assisted living. That’s all it had taken. Harry knew that already; I don’t know why he needed to hear it from my doctor. I guess it was disbelief more than anything. A refusal to face what we both knew. As scared as I was, I couldn’t imagine how that felt for him. If and when my mind began to truly disappear, I wouldn’t even know about it. Harry was the one who would have to watch it happen, to witness my demise, to lose me in the most painful way. He would be the one handling the most agonising repercussions of my illness and that made it even worse. I didn’t want him to go through that, ever. I couldn’t imagine how he felt then, having to acknowledge the possibility that in just a few months’ time, I might not even be able to recognise him. “Maybe… a few months…” My doctor managed to say, before Harry broke completely, dropping his head into his free hand and sobbing. And still, I sat in silence, hoping I had more time than my mother had, hoping that this illness wouldn’t be something that ruined Harry’s life as well as mine. I hoped he could be more selfish than my father had managed to be, but I knew he wouldn’t be. It would be history repeating itself all over again. I kept tight hold of his hand as he wept, still unable to find any words to share. I was terrified.

I opened the door to Robert, saw the way his smile dropped as soon as he’d noted the exhausted look on my face. He had planned to come around and spend the day with his daughter on her birthday, but he could tell instantly that he wouldn’t be so lucky. The sun was no longer shining, dark clouds hanging so low I thought they might be touching the tops of the trees that surrounded our home. It sometimes felt as though the sun couldn’t shine without her. “How is she?” He asked before he could even greet me. “Not so good.” I answered, stepping aside to welcome him. “What’s happened?” He asked as he entered, taking off his coat. “I dunno, I just lost her.” I tried to stay calm, to hold in my tears. “She was fine and then she just… She just disappeared.” “Where is she now?” “She’s upstairs sleeping.” “Okay. We’ll leave her to it. Hopefully she’ll wake up feeling more like herself. Let’s have a cuppa, eh?” I liked having Robert around. He understood my situation better than anyone else, though I’d gotten much luckier than he had with Rita. It had been over two years since Alfie was first diagnosed, and most days she was okay. It wasn’t often she completely vanished like she had that morning, whereas Robert had all but lost his wife in a matter of weeks. Rob was never condescending, he never compared my situation to his, and as agonising as it was losing my Fee that way, I could never imagine how he felt. To have lost his wife to that disease and now his daughter, I couldn’t even comprehend it. To have had to witness them both slowly fading away. He always remained resilient, positive, trying to make the most of the horrific hand he had been dealt. No one had my respect in the way he did. “You sit yourself down, son.” He demanded once we were in the kitchen, heading towards the kettle. “Talk to me.” “I… I don’t even know what to say.” I sighed. “It’s good to talk. Not so easy, but good.” He knew I wasn’t much good at talking. Alfie had always been the person I wanted to talk to, the person who I was most comfortable expressing my feelings to. When it came to everyone else, it didn’t come quite as naturally, even after all the therapy I’d had over the years. Fee had helped me to see that just because I’d stopped seeing my therapist in New York didn’t necessarily mean I should stop altogether. So, after moving back to Rosebury, I did some research and travelled fortnightly to our closest city to see a therapist, to continue learning and growing. I’d done that for a few years, until I truly felt in my heart that I was ready to stop. I knew how beneficial talking was, even though it was difficult. I couldn’t talk to her, not about this. I had to confide in someone else. Robert was the best person for that. “I’m angry.” I admitted, ignoring his instructions to sit down and instead washing up the items I’d used that morning, still making breakfast in the hope of bringing her around, but I’d failed. “Okay. Angry about what?” “So many things. I’m angry on your behalf. Aren’t you pissed off?” I asked him. “Uh… I try not to be. But… sometimes. Yes, sometimes it makes me angry.” “You don’t fucking deserve this. No one does, but least of all you.” I rambled. “And doesn’t it piss you off the way that people try to… own things that are fucking traumatic?” “What do you mean?” “When something bad happens, somewhere or to someone… people really latch onto it. They use it like it’s their own. Talk about how well they knew them. Or how they’d been somewhere where something bad happened, y’know? You wanna see the way Chloe talks about Alfie. They haven’t been close for years and yet Chloe talks about her like she’s lost her best friend and it makes me so fucking angry. Like someone else’s pain is her opportunity to gain some sympathy, it’s fucking twisted.” “Mm.” “People try to own trauma for their own gain, and I keep seeing that happen with Alfie and it makes me so, so angry.” Tears began to fall, my voice began to quiver. “Bu-but when you encounter real fucking trauma, that’s when you know you don’t want anything to do with it. You want to stay as far away from it as fucking possible, you don’t wanna fucking claim it and draw yourself towards it. Why the fuck do people do that? I don’t fucking want this.” I lay my hand on my chest, crying heavily. “If people want that pain so much, take all of it. I don’t want an inch of this, it’s fucking awful.” “I know it is. I know.” I loved Alfie with everything I was, everything I ever could be. She meant everything to me, and I would stick by her through anything, but it didn’t make our situation any easier. It made it harder, if anything. Some days I’d look in her eyes and see her fucking soul, but when her Alzheimer’s sparked that way I would see nothing at all, no sign of recognition, no love, no evidence of the woman I had been with and built a life with for so many years. The agony of looking into her eyes and seeing nothing was beyond any pain I had ever experienced in my life. That sort of loss is something I had never been able to imagine and would never be able to describe. And I was so frustrated by the way people had started using her as a pawn for attention and cruel compassion. Only a few weeks earlier, myself and Libby had been having a quiet drink in The Tin Mouse when we’d overheard someone talking about her, some lad who barely knew her, talking about how they’d been friends, how sad it was, talking about her mum like he knew anything. I was glad Libby was there to calm me down, tell me not to listen, drag me away from him. She’d had to lure me away from a fight that evening, my first in years. I was so close to snapping. No one can speak openly about things like that if they really hurt them. You don’t just nip down the pub and express your darkest sufferings, talk to whoever’s around you about it like it’s nothing. If they really wanted that pain, they could take all of it as far as I was concerned. “Pay them no mind.” Robert simply said. “You’ve got enough to worry about here without concerning yourself with how everyone else is dealing with it. Just focus on how you’re dealing with it.” “I don’t think I’m dealing with it well. I know I’m lucky. I know it could be worse, but like… even now, I miss her. I miss her so fucking much. I miss her presence. I miss her knowing my name. Because it’s not just her memories that go, it’s all of her.” “I know it is, Harry. I know.” “How did you do this?” I wept. “How could I not?” He simply stammered through a heavy breath, and it made perfect sense. It wasn’t necessarily this feeling of responsibility, like I had to do it because I loved her and I’d told her I would spend my life with her. It wasn’t that. It wasn’t that I felt obligated to stand by her, or that Robert had felt obligated to stay with Rita even when she reached the stage where she really didn’t know who he was. It was because I loved her. That was why there was no other option than to just do it, to face it head on, to be there with her and for her through everything. She was the person I wanted to spend my life with, whether or not that was a life she recognised or remembered, it was the life I wanted. She was the person I wanted. I had to stand by her through everything. How could I not?

12 years earlier… We swayed one way as the room swayed the other, my arms hung around Harry’s neck as he lay his hands on my waist and we stepped side to side slowly. “Look at ‘em.” He grinned, nodding towards the newlyweds. I looked to my left, the way Libby lay her head on Louis’ shoulder, a new place she could call home for the rest of her life. He just held her, the two of them dancing close-by, central to all the couples who were on their feet slowly dancing to Across the Universe. “M’so happy for them.” I sighed softly, laying my head on his chest. “Mm. I know. Me too.” He kissed the top of my head, the two of us dancing in silence for a few moments before he spoke again. “Do you want this?” “Want what?” I lifted my head to look at him. “Y’know. Marriage.” He looked down. “All this stuff. Is it something you want?” I took a few minutes as I considered his question, looking around the room and taking in the sights, thinking over what we’d witnessed that day and what it all meant. As wonderful as it was, I knew my answer hadn’t shifted. As wonderful as Harry was, I knew I didn’t feel any differently about marriage than I always had. “Not really.” I answered honestly. “It’s a lot of fuss, innit?” “Yeah,” He sniggered. “If you look at it that way.” “I dunno. I guess it’s just another one of those things. I don’t have that desire in me. I don’t really want any of this. I mean… I want you.” I told him, noticed how he blushed like he wasn’t already well aware, gnawing his lip shyly. “But I don’t really need any of this additional stuff to prove anything, or confirm anything. M’happy just being with you, y’know?” “Mm.” “Unless… Unless you want this stuff?” “I don’t.” He grinned. “You don’t?” “No. If it was something you needed, then I’d have proposed in a heartbeat. Anything to be with you, anything to make you happy, you know that.” Now I was the one blushing. “But I feel the same way. I get why it means something to people, and I love that. But… maybe m’just one of those cynical people who thinks it’s just paperwork.” “I know exactly what you mean.” “I don’t need that to promise I’ll be with you through everything. I’ll just promise it. Out loud. I’ll… scribble on a piece of paper. I’ll paint it on every canvas I own.” He was making me laugh, in this weird way of endearment, somehow. “Because it’s definitely not through lack of commitment. That’s not why. I’m committed to you more than you’ll ever know. But… I don’t need this.” “I don’t either.” I loved that we felt the same way about it. It was like how we’d always felt the same way about not having children; it just made our lives so much easier. It’s topics and things like that which can ultimately tear couples apart, bring an end to good relationships. When there are fundamental differences in what each person wants and desires at their very core, it can break love down. We didn’t have to worry about that. We wanted the same things, felt the same way. Sometimes it truly felt like we were perfect for one another. “I promise I’m yours.” I whispered up to him. “And I promise I’m yours.” He whispered back. “Forever. Through everything.” It was so extraordinarily wonderful to hear that and not immediately question him or have any doubts. Since Harry had come back into my life, he had proven to me in every single way he could that the promise he’d made then was one he intended to keep. He had instilled this confidence in me that I might have thought was impossible during the earliest months of our relationship, taken away those doubts I’d had. I didn’t think he was going to disappear, I didn’t ever feel like I was trying to work him out or figure out who we were as a couple, I didn’t feel distant from him in any way. I had always thought the world of him, and he knew that, but there had been parts of our relationship that I really struggled with, things I wanted to change so we could be better and work better as a pairing. Those changes had been made. “I love you.” He told me quietly as we continued to dance. I closed my eyes, lay my head back on his chest, listened to the beat of his heart. I didn’t need any more of a promise from him than that.

By the early afternoon when Libby, Louis and Niall arrived, the rain outside was relentlessly unforgiving, meaning they’d driven the short distance to get to ours, but even the walk from the car to my front door seemed to have left them all drenched. “Uncle Harry!” Ronan squealed as he leapt up into my arms. Niall and Sean had adopted him only a few days after he was born, meaning the little lad had been brightening up my life for over three years. Me and Alfie had never wanted our own kids, but it was amazing to have Ronan there, a little one we could look after and love without that full, lifelong commitment that neither of us had ever desired. But there is something incredibly warming about children. Having him leap from Niall’s arms right into mine, to wrap himself around me like that, it was the first thing to make me smile for hours. We loved being Uncle Harry and Auntie Alfie. The three of them let themselves inside and took off their coats as I continued cuddling him, feeling comforted. “Y’alright?” I eventually asked them all. “Yeah, good.” Louis answered. “Where’s the birthday girl?” “Um… She… She’s not doing so good today.” “Shit.” He knew what I meant straight away, and unsurprisingly, his first concern was me. “You alright?” “Yeah, m’fine. Rob’s here, so… y’know. That helps.” “Is your mum coming?” “She’s here too. She’s upstairs trying to talk to Fee.” She’d arrived around an hour earlier and then gone upstairs to try and get some sense out of Fee about fifteen minutes before they’d arrived, but due to the fact I hadn’t heard a peep from either of them since, it didn’t seem like she was having much luck. My mum definitely saw Alfie as her own, the daughter she’d never had. They had this bond that I couldn’t describe, like they’d known each other their whole lives, like they connected on a level I couldn’t even see. I knew that had only deepened when Jack died. It had happened around four years earlier, when she’d received a call saying he was in a hospital not far from her. Despite everything, she called me and we had both rushed to him, forgetting all the suffering he’d put us through, all the bad things that had happened, the grief he’d caused. He was still her son and my brother. That was one of the few times I could clearly see just how strong love and forgiveness could be. It was the first time since I was a child that my family had felt strong in any way shape or form. We felt like a unit again, like people who wanted to help and heal one another rather than abandon and tear each other apart. But we’d lost him. He was only thirty-seven when he’d died. Jack’s lifestyle hadn’t changed much since we’d both seen him last, when he stole from me and my mum without either of us knowing, targeting the two of us in just matter of days. He’d still been in and out of prison, he was still on the dark path he’d chosen for himself and refused to step off, but that path had lead him into the belly of the beast. He’d crashed his car when fleeing a home he’d broken into, and though he’d put up a decent fight, two days after the accident his body had surrendered, and he’d passed away with me and our mum by his side. It had been so much more trying and upsetting than I could have ever anticipated. He’d brought me nothing but anguish for so many years, and he’d done nothing to change or better himself since before he’d even reached his teenage years, but we both still felt this inordinate guilt, similar to how we had when my dad Billy had taken his life. There was this unpleasant and unsettling sensation, that thought of what might have been different if we had done more for him, supported him more, helped him to help himself instead of wanting to run from him for our own sake. I wasn’t sure we would have ever been able to get through to him, but maybe there was more we could have done, but it was too late to ever know. Thankfully, this loss brought me and my mum closer together, unlike when my dad had died. I’d half expected us to shatter again, but we’d thankfully learnt from our mistakes and allowed the harm to bring us this new bond. We knew we couldn’t lose each other again, not after everything. We were the only part of our family left and we needed to cherish that in every way we could. “You lot get settled,” I sighed, handing Ronan back to his dad. “I’ll go check on them.” “Do you need anything?” Libby offered. “Nah, m’good.” “Tell her I’m here.” Niall forced a grin. “She’s bound to remember her favourite person.” Niall had always been soft, covering his insecurities and fears with humour, but he seemed to struggle that little bit more when it came to what was happening to Alfie. Even then, he’d tried to make some sort of joke, but I could tell how much it was actually breaking his heart. He didn’t cope well when she wasn’t herself. None of us did. They went through into the living room to join Robert as I headed upstairs to see how my mum was getting on, rushing up to our room to find Alfie sat on the edge of the bed and my mother crouched at her side. “Hey, look who it is!” My mum was overly cheery, trying to bring some life out of Fee, who sat despondently staring into the distance. “You know who this is, don’t ya?” I got down on one knee next to my mother, right in front of Alfie, catching her eye and her attention, smiling as brightly as I could and taking her hand in mine, acting like nothing was wrong even when I saw the way she looked over my face, trying so desperately to place a name to my face, trying to recall the millions of memories we shared, but it was as though they were no longer there. If death was the belly of the beast, that disease was the mouth, the enlarged jaw, the sharpened teeth, the thirst for blood and the saliva it drew. Losing her was like being devoured alive. I gave her the most encouraging smile I could, squeezing her hand. “C’mon, boss.” I tried. “I’m missing you. You wanna come downstairs? Everyone’s here to see you.” I wasn’t getting through to her. I could see it in her eyes that what I was saying did not make sense. She withdrew her hand so that it was no longer mine to hold, looking down to her lap. “M'sorry, I have such a bad headache.” She trembled. “Can I be on my own for a while?” “Fee-Fee-” I started to shake. “I’m sorry, I’m not feeling myself.” “I know.” I gripped her hand again, becoming frantic, even though I knew that wouldn’t help. “I know you’re not, b-but I think if you just came downstairs and saw everyone, you’d-” “When’s my mum getting here? I shouldn’t be here without my mum.” Tears poured over my eyes as rain crashed unremittingly against the windows in our bedroom, my heart breaking all over again. I just wanted her to go downstairs and talk to the people who had been in her life since she was a child, because maybe that would make sense to her. Maybe that would bring her back to me. I always thought back to the theoretical bookcases she had, what I’d learnt about Alzheimer’s when she’d first told me about her mum. It helped me to make sense of her mood changes, the things she said and the way she acted when she was going through a particularly bad spell. When things got bad, I would picture her bookcases in my mind. The bookcase on the left; old, feeble, holding her memories. And then the bookcase on the right; strong, secure, in charge of her emotions. Every time she vanished that way, I took it as though an earthquake had hit, rocked each case, and the books on the left had fallen from their place, leaving her with only the option to pick books from the lower shelves. She seemed to be talking as though she was young, like her mum was still alive and should have been there with her holding her hand through this. She was lost and confused and sad and it killed me to see her like that. That was why I wanted her to go downstairs, talk to her friends, talk to the people who had been in her life since she was so small. Her and Louis had known each other since they were babies, and if her mind could only pluck at her earliest memories, I knew that he would be there. And if he was there that might calm her and that might keep her happy, which was the most important thing. Nothing mattered more than keeping the bookcase that shelved her emotions filled with books of joy and content, even if she didn’t remember where they’d come from. I wanted to bring her back to me. I just wanted my Fee-Fee back.

13 years earlier… During his first few weeks back in Rosebury, Harry hadn’t really made himself known. We’d stayed sort of cooped up in his house, figuring things out, falling in love all over again, catching up with one another and deciding how our relationship should look moving forward. But over the past week or so, he’d started to reintroduce himself to our little village, make himself at home again. He’d been to the pub with everyone, told them he was planning on moving back, that he even wanted to start running his classes again. That night, the two of us were in The Tin Mouse, sat side by side, waiting for everyone to arrive so we could break what I felt was some of the most important news Harry had to share with everyone. “Lincoln’s gunna hate me.” He sighed, dropping his head into his hands. “He won’t. He’s not like that.” “Y’know… me and Lin proper got on when I first moved here. Proper got on. But then as soon as I clocked on that he liked you, I got all weird about him.” He turned his head and looked at me. “I dunno why I’m like that. I don’t wanna be like that. And I don’t want him to hate me.” “He kinda already knows, y’know. About us, I mean.” “He does?” “Yeah. He guessed before you came around to mine that morning, when he was there.” “When I told you I loved you?” “Mm.” I nodded. “And Louis knows. I mean, they don’t have a clue we’re back together now, but they know we were together when you lived here before.” “What about Niall and Libby?” “Clueless. I mean, both of them had little inklings back in the day, but nothing more than that.” “They had inklings too? Shit.” He huffed, picking up his pint and taking a sip. “We really mustn’t have been as sly as I thought we were. Like, I thought we hid it well.” “M’not too sure.” I chuckled. “Maybe it was too big to hide.” He acknowledged profoundly, then snapped. “Also, I go proper doe-eyed when I look at you, which is probably very noticeable.” “You should try and get that under control.” I smirked. “Trust me, I’ve tired.” He grinned. “It’s impossible.” I leaned towards him and kissed his cheek, which spurred him to turn his head and grab my jaw so he could pull me back to him and leave a luscious kiss upon my lips, lingering his love upon my pout. When he pulled away, he looked at me with those exact eyes he’d just been speaking about. I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about us. I couldn’t wait for everyone to know and to finally be in a relationship that wasn’t happening behind closed doors. What I had with Harry was the most magnificent thing I had ever experienced in my life, I was bursting to talk about it with the enthusiasm and joy it deserved. I didn’t want to admit it to Harry, but I was pretty apprehensive about Lin finding out too. I imagined he already had an idea since Harry was moving back, and the same could be said for Louis, but everything that had happened with Lincoln was still really fresh. He didn’t have a bad or bitter bone in his body, I knew that, but it was bound to be strange for him. He was the first to arrive, stepping into the pub only a few moments after mine and Harry’s kiss, but I was glad he’d caught us in a less compromising position. I’d asked him to get there a little earlier than the rest, just so we could tell him without the others being there. As soon as he saw us, his face dropped somewhat, before the door had even closed behind him. He knew. I shot an encouraging smile his way, noticing the way he took a deep breath in as though to prepare himself, before he came over to our table, sat himself down across from us. From the corner of my eye, I saw Harry drop his gaze, looking down to the table rather than at him. It seemed like this was in my hands. “You okay?” I asked Lin. “Yeah, I’m alright.” He sighed. “How’re you two?” “Yeah, we’re fine. We just kinda wanted to… chat to you.” “Yeah. I think I know what it’s about.” He sniggered dejectedly. Harry still couldn’t look at him. I should’ve known he’d be like that, all defensive and jealous and ridiculous until it got down to actually facing Lin, acknowledging his feelings. Harry wasn’t a bad person; in fact, he was incredibly caring when it came to others, incredibly conscious of other people’s feelings. He was good at picking up on things and going out of his way to make others feel better. It was why he’d always been so good with those self-defence classes. Beyond the jealousy, when it actually came down to Lin and how he was feeling, when it actually came to sitting down in front of him that way, Harry’s anger and arrogance was nowhere to be found. “M'sorry, I hate doing this, it feels so weird, but after everything’s that’s gone on recently, I feel like I should.” I got straight to it. “Me and Harry have been talking a lot since he came back and figuring stuff out and… we really wanna try and… make this work.” “As in… you’re getting back together?” “Yeah. We… We have a lot of history, and we-” “Yeah, I uh… I saw that coming.” He smiled. “As soon as Harry said he was moving back, I figured. It’s fine.” “I just-” “Alf, as long as you’re happy, that’s the main thing.” He interrupted, but I actually felt the main thing he wanted right then was to avoid the weird sympathy we were giving him. I imagined that didn’t make it any easier for him. “Look… I-I knew it was a risk when I asked you out and I wasn’t expecting it to work out, genuinely. It would have been a bloody miracle, to be honest. I just wanted to try, and we did, and it wasn’t meant to be. I’m not mad that you’ve found the person that’s gunna make you happy, Alf. I’ll find that too. It’s all good, I promise, you really don’t need to explain yourself to me or worry about me. As long as you’re both happy.” Harry lifted his head, scoped Lin out for a few seconds before he turned his head to me. “Are you seriously picking me over him?” He was somewhere between joking and being completely serious, forcing a laugh out of both me and Lin. “I feel like that’s a poor decision on your part. He’s a better man than I am.” They finally looked at each other, sharing a smile, this strange acknowledgement that I couldn’t quite understand, but it seemed like a positive thing. “I’m sorry.” Harry said to him. “Don’t be. It’s all good.” “And if I was ever off with you or anything-” “You were.” “Yeah, I know, shit.” Harry shook his head, smiled awkwardly. “I’m sorry. It’s just because… I just love her so much.” “Then don’t fucking leave again, alright?” Lin grinned, reaching his hand across the table. “You won’t find a better girl if you do.” “M'not going anywhere.” Harry reached back, the two of them shaking hands over the table. I imagined Lin wanted to forget the whole thing, frankly. I really hated the thought of him regretting asking me, but looking at how it had all unfolded, I couldn’t blame him for just wanting to forget that he’d ever proposed a date in the first place. As long as he was alright, that was all I could hope for, and he seemed to be. It seemed more than anything, he just wanted to move on. He and Harry got chatting, returning to normal, the atmosphere much nicer than I’d been anticipating, but I really shouldn’t have been surprised. They were both just incredible men, I was lucky to have them both in my life. Not too long later, the rest of them arrived. Louis and Libby hand in hand, with Niall close behind, shooting a wink to Sean behind the bar before they came over to the table. “Right, what does everyone want to drink?” Niall offered. “I’m going to the bar to flirt with Sean, so I might be a while getting the drinks back to you, but still. It’s the thought that counts.” “Mate, it’s barely the thought that counts when your thought is that you want to go to the bar to flirt with Sean. You don’t wanna get us drinks!” Lin laughed. “You make a fair point, Crosby. I barely wanna sit with you lot, to be honest. I just wanna sit at the bar and make eyes at him all night.” “Okay, before you do that then,” I yelped, wanting to keep him with us. “Can you sit down for a second? I’ve got some news.” Louis’ eyes lit up in a second. I hadn’t told him exactly what had been going on, but the last time I’d spoken to him about it properly I’d said I was going to go and talk to Harry, and since then I’d been very coy about the whole thing. He’d have been a damn fool not to figure it out, but he’d given me my space to let me announce it in my own time, and I could tell from the giddy look on his face that he knew that time had finally come. Libby didn’t look so excited. “What’s happened? Are you okay? Do I need to kill someone? Who hurt you?” “Lib, it’s fine, it’s nothing like that. Just… sit down a second, I’ll tell you.” They all pulled up a stool and sat themselves down, Harry tensing beside me. These were incredibly unfamiliar waters for him to be treading. Harry had lived his life in lonesome shadows he had created, hiding in the darkest corners he could as a way of protecting himself. He wasn’t used to being open about any section of his life, especially a part as intricate and evocative as love. Though it was clear the therapy he’d experienced since he’d left had helped him, there was a difference between him being open and honest with me, someone he’d been so close to and shared with before, compared to sharing such delicate truths with everyone else. This was new to him, it was bound to be scary. I reached for his hand beneath the table, squeezed it tightly. Eager little faces awaited the news I was about to break. “Okay… so… as you all know, Harry’s moving back.” “Woo!” Niall cheered. “Cheers, Niall.” Harry grinned and winked at him, laughing a little. “And uh…” I tried to continue. “I guess I’m kinda extra happy about it, because… Well, before he left, me and Harry-” “WERE YOU FUCKING?” Niall screamed, interrupting the entire pub as he did, cringing and then turning to address our fellow pub-goers. “Apologies! Excuse my French.” I had to drop my head onto the table, everyone else trying to hold in their laughter in an effort to show a little respect to the old blokes who were sat drinking and genuinely unhappy with Niall’s language. “For fuck sake, Niall!” Libby scalded. “Keep your voice down! If you wanna yell shit like that, we’ve gotta spend more time at The Royal Rose.” “I’m right though, aren’t I?” He pretty much ignored her, eyes darting between me and Harry. “Tell me I’m right?” “We were together.” Harry worded it much more eloquently. “SHUT THE FUCK UP, NO YOU WEREN’T!” Libby yelled. “Oh my god, Libby, shh!” I cried once I’d whipped my head back up. “Who needs to go down The Royal fucking Rose now, eh?” Niall huffed. “Sorry, everyone! Sorry!” Libby bellowed around the room before she turned back to us and whispered harshly. “Were you really?” “Yeah.” Harry smiled. “Were you in love?” “We were. We are.” “Alfie! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” “Sorry, we didn’t tell anyone.” I shrugged. “But that’s why we’ve kinda gathered you all, because… well, now Harry’s moving back… we’re getting back together. I mean… we’re already back together.” “Knew it.” Louis smirked. “What do you mean you knew it?” Libby turned to her fiancé and gave him death eyes. “Did you know about them being together last year?” “Sorta.” “Wow, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. The wedding’s off.” “What? I’m good at keeping secrets! If anything, that should make you want to marry me more! I’m very trustworthy.” The two of them started sweetly squabbling between themselves, Harry and I moving our attention across to Niall who still had questions. “So, wait… you two are serious about each other? It wasn’t just sex?” “Nah. It was never just sex.” Harry said, to my surprise. I didn’t know why he’d said that, but I wondered if he might have done it as a way for compensating for the things he’d said to me when I’d told him I loved him the first time and he’d told me he only saw us and our relationship as sexual, nothing more than that. But knowing what I knew then, being aware of how he actually felt about me, maybe he really hadn’t ever seen it as just sex. Maybe I hadn’t either. Maybe we’d always meant more to one another than we’d known. “That’s wild. Why’d do you leave? Did you break up?” “Uh… Sort of, I guess.” Harry choked. “But that’s not gunna happen again. This is it now. It’s me and her.” Niall was beyond excited, happily asking Harry every question he could think of, even the ones he must have known Harry would find awkward to answer, but he answered regardless. It was yet another way I could see Harry stepping up for me, doing things and removing himself from his comfort-zone because he knew it would make me happy. It was nice that I knew it would make him happy too, he merely needed to get used to the change. We both did. Being in an open relationship with Harry was going to be different, but I’d never been so excited about anything. Our future seemed, so, so bright.

“Harry!” Louis’ voice was loud, sending shockwaves through my body as I bolted upright, cursing, my heartbeat racing. I looked around, agitated and anxious, noticing we were in the reading room, noises coming from the distance proving I still had a good number of visitors. Thunder and lightning crashed outdoors, light splitting the dark skies whilst the thunder bellowed its dominance as I came back around, a little woozy and lost for a few moments but gradually, things came back to me. I could recall I’d gone in there to give myself a bit of space after me and my mum had tried to speak to Alfie, but I must have nodded off at some point. “You alright?” He was concerned. “Uh…” I was still half asleep, my hands resting firm on the chaise beneath me as I gathered myself, reintroduced myself to the literal world. “Yeah, sorry, m’fine. Sorry.” “Don’t apologise, mate. I can’t imagine how you feel.” I budged up and tucked my knees closer to my chest so he could sit himself down at the end of the chair. Louis had become for me what he was for Alfie. Since I’d moved back to Rosebury, we’d gotten much closer, and he possessed this aura that made him incredibly approachable. Sharing felt easy when it came to Louis. Alfie had always used him as the person she went to when she needed to talk about anything, and I felt a similar way. He could sense that I needed to talk. “Sorry our little ones aren’t here.” He started gently. “They’re getting harder to control now they’re older. They’d rather spend the day with their grandparents on the farm than with us.” “It’s alright. Kinda feel like… the less people the better.” “Mm, I bet.” It wasn’t long after their wedding that Libby told us she was pregnant with Ben, their eldest. A couple of years later, they’d welcomed Amelia to the world, two more kids who referred to me and Alfie and their auntie and uncle. They were good kids, but how could they not be with their parents? “You’re handling all of this really well, Harry.” Louis was kind, encouraging. “Better than most people would.” “The thing is, I’m lucky right now.” I rubbed over my eyes. “With Fee… this isn’t happening often. This is the second time this month, and that’s the most it’s been since she was diagnosed, y’know? She struggles with the little things, and small lapses, but this sort of thing is rare, and I’m so, so lucky that that’s the case two years after her being diagnosed. It could’a been so much worse.” “It could, you’re right.” “But when this does happen… I can literally feel myself falling apart. It fucking kills me. To know she looks at me and… she see’s nothing. It’s agonising. It’s a physical pain, I can’t describe it.” “She doesn’t see nothing, Harry.” He tried to comfort me. “She might be a little lost, but you’re there, deep down. She could never look at you and see nothing, I know how much you mean to her.” I hoped he was right. I knew I’d comforted Alfie with similar words when it came to her mother, and I’d meant it, but it was so much more difficult to see that as the truth when I was so directly involved, when it was me losing the love of my life. “It’s probably gunna get worse. How am I gunna cope when it gets worse?” I asked him rhetorically. “We’ll be here for ya, the whole time. Whatever you need from us, whenever you need it.” I knew he was telling the truth, and it was incredibly comforting. “And maybe your luck won’t run out. Maybe this is how it’s gunna be for her, maybe she won’t deteriorate more than this. Don’t write her off yet, you know how strong that girl is. She’s got a hell of a lot of fight in her.” I’d barely realised I was smiling over his words, nodding. He was so right. She had so much strength in her, I’d known that since the second we’d met. She’d never really been able to see it herself, but she had such a desirable sustainability, this power and fire in her gut that had seen her through some really difficult times. I loved every part of her, every inch of her body and every piece of her soul, but that strength was something really special, something that had always drawn me to her in ways I couldn’t fight. “You gave her some really incredible years, Harry.” “But I want to give her an incredible life.” I explained exhaustedly. Her Alzheimer’s had made it seem as though that was no longer an option, that any life I could provide or that we could build would be lost, either in the depths of her mind or quite literally, if she maybe had to go into care as her mother had. I’d struggled to understand Robert when I was younger, when I saw what he did for his wife, the way he upped and moved to be with her, altered his whole life to be at her side, but now it was happening to Alfie I completely understood it. It no longer seemed preposterous, it no longer seemed like something completely heroic that he’d done. It was the only option. If I had to, I’d do the same thing, I knew that without a shadow of a doubt. But I wanted to keep her at home for as long as I physically could. I wanted to give her a life full of love, a life worth fighting for. “You still can. You will.” Louis smiled. “Do not waste these years worrying about losing her completely when she’s still here. I know it’s easy for me to say that, and with how she is today… it’s fucking awful. She’s my oldest mate, it hurts me too. But right now, like you said, this is rare. So fucking cherish her whilst she’s here. Do whatever you can to keep her here. Think of ways to bring her back. If anyone can do it, you can. I have every fucking faith. Don’t start to let go when she’s still holding on.” He commanded. I nodded, absorbing his words in every way I could. There was something incredibly special about the love between me and Alfie. When I’d fallen in love with her all those years earlier, she’d made me realise that love could truly do some remarkable things. I had to hope that love could keep her with me for many years to come.

9 years earlier… I wrapped the towel tighter around my frame as I anxiously approached the red curtains, nervously hiding from Harry who sat in room ahead of me, canvas and colours all set up in preparation, sun setting between the trees, exactly how he’d wanted it to be, the light breaking into the room and projecting the most fascinating shadows. I peered through the small gap in the curtains, not moving any closer. “C’mon, Fee-Fee. I’ve seen you naked a million times.” He said without turning to look at me. “This is totally different!” I cried. “It’s not!” “It is! This is nude! Which I feel like is not the same as naked.” “It’s exactly the same.” He cackled. “It’s different! It’s a different sort of experience entirely. No one’s ever painted me nude before.” “Good, I should fucking hope not.” He laughed. “This is my privilege.” “I feel really nervous.” “How can I make it better?” “You can’t, it’s not you, Harry! You make me feel very comfortable in my own body, there’s nothing more you can do.” I explained truthfully, standing in silence for a few seconds before I spoke up once again. “What kinda painting is it gunna be? Is it gunna be abstract, or are you gunna be able to tell it’s me?” Harry had been painting everyone of recent, actually asking them to sit for him. He’d already painted me plenty of times since we’d gotten back together, but he’d branched out, painting Louis, Libby, Lincoln and Niall. He’d even done one of his brother, though that hadn’t been in person. He’d gone off memory alone, but I knew he was hoping to reach out to Jack at some point, try to help him and mend their relationship again. It was just a matter of plucking up the courage and tracking him down. He'd even painted Chloe a few weeks back. Her and Sam had recently split up, which meant for the first time in years, she’d attempted to spend time with us all, get herself back into the group, but things had changed. It almost felt as though it was too little too late. I had no bad feelings towards her, I’m not sure any of us did, the water had passed under the bridge years earlier, but it just hadn’t felt the same. It didn’t even feel genuine coming from her, like she’d only come back to us because she felt we were her only option. It was disappointing and it truly was a shame, but it just hadn’t worked. I think that was why Harry had wanted to paint her; not because of the friendship, but more the lack-thereof. But the thing with Harry’s recent work was that they had been varied in style. His older work was entirely abstract, pieces in which I’d barely been able to see myself even when he’d tried to point out exact features. His recent work wasn’t like that though, with some pictures being the most detailed portraits I’d ever seen, so lifelike it sometimes felt as though they could start talking. He kept them all in the gallery above the shop, a collection he continued to add to. “M’not sure yet.” He confessed. “Depends how I’m feeling once you’re in place. If you think it’s too detailed, I won’t put it anywhere. It’ll be your call when it’s done, alright?” With that confirmation, I finally felt comfortable enough to step into his most creative space, shuffling past him and heading over to the podium he’d set up, balancing my knee on it first so I could climb up and sit myself down as gracefully as possible, knees bent, legs to one side, body as upright and straight as I could make it, clutching at the top of the towel, holding it against my chest. I took a deep breath in, steadied myself, made one final request. “Will you make my nipples nicer?” “Your nipples are perfect as they are, idiot. I wanna paint you, not some idealised version of you. There’s nothing wrong with you right now, as you are. I promise.” Harry made sure his voice was warm, the sound alone making me feel at home, like I should be proud to just be myself. “Whenever you’re ready.” I closed my eyes, took a deep breath in, tore the towel apart and then dropped it to the ground. The first thing I could concentrate on was the way he took a deep breath in, his chest swelling with the intake of air, like he needed to calm himself down as his eyes ran all over my body with care, slowly moving over every inch of me. I felt so exposed and yet it was overwhelmingly intimate too, like my body belonged to his eyes, like I would be invisible to anyone else. I was infatuated with the way he looked at me, because it was all there in his eyes, every emotion and every memory and every loving feeling he had towards me. After figuring out how to remain somewhat calm, he spoke. “Okay. Could you… have one knee up? Just lift your right leg, have your foot pointing right at me.” He instructed and I altered my stance accordingly. “And just link your fingers together and hold around your knee. That alright?” “Mm.” “Are you comfortable?” “Yeah.” “Good.” With that acknowledgement, he began, mixing a few colours and studying me in silence for a few moments before he put his brush against the canvas, proceeded to paint me. From what I could tell, from his point and with my position, my body would be both hidden and revealed. I imagined the shadows that were casting on me only added to the affect, and maybe that was why he’d chosen that time of day, when the sun was going down, when the world was glowing and yet infiltrated with tenebrosity. He had a vision, and I was the centre of it. Strangely, I’d predicted that I would be totally conscious of the time, that the clocks in my mind would strain and my body would ache and tire with speed, but that didn’t happen. Though we didn’t speak whilst he worked, the time flew. Occasionally, he would purposefully catch me eye, smirk at me, bite his lip, probably as a way of easing me, because when he did that, I’d notice my body relax even though I hadn’t realised I had tensed. Harry knew me so well. He knew my mind and my body and my soul in ways that were way beyond my understanding. He saw things in me that I couldn’t, loved parts of me that I hated, understood conundrums within me that I could never comprehend. I loved him so much. “You look amazing.” He said after almost three hours. “I-I dunno. Sometimes it feels like you’re the inspiration I’ve always needed. Proper little muse, aren’t ya?” I tried to keep hold of my position, stay quiet, not blush too much, but it was a complete honour to be his muse, the perfect stimulant for him to be able to create some truly beautiful pieces, none of which involved blood. Wine had been his calling for years, finding its way into most of his paintings, especially the ones of me. But he often got creative too, not always because it worked effectively as a substitute for paint, but as interesting addition. He used fruit juices, my perfume, put petals within his paints or blades of grass. He took his surroundings, pieces of Rosebury, and he made art. More time passed, Harry concentrating intently on each stroke as I slowly began to rearrange my limbs, but he didn’t notice until my legs were both dangling off the front of the podium, still facing him. “Alf-” He began, but I managed to stop him talking when I slowly opened my legs. That was how much confidence he could bestow upon me. I’d gone from being nervous to even walk in the room, to spreading my legs for him, letting him decide what he wanted to do with the woman ahead of him, whether that was painting her or otherwise. Harry looked almost dizzy, eyes transfixed on my core and plump lips parted. He stepped to his side so that the easel and canvas didn’t block an inch of me from him or vice-versa, so I mirrored him, dropped my eyes down to his crotch and saw how much he appreciated the sight. He was rock hard. I bit at my bottom lip, hoping to lure him closer to me, hoping I’d inspired him beyond the canvas. “You’re something else.” He was breathless, a look of amazement clouding his eyes. And yet he remained still, purposefully building the heat. I didn’t realise us saying nothing and not even touching could do that, but I was sure I’d never wanted him more. I had never felt such intensity between us. My whole body quivered the moment he finally snapped, storming towards me. His hands went to his belt as soon as he started walking, the jingling of the metal he was fiddling with sending shockwaves through my body. He was still working on it when he reached me, taking one hand and pulling harshly on my hair to make my neck snap back, forcing me to look up to him. His other hand continued to loosen the leather from the slack trousers he was wearing, the two of us panting even though we’d barely done anything, looking into each other’s eyes. I could feel his hand moving, hear the pleasing titter of the buckle rattling. That alone got me worked up, those two senses sparking a million sensations. Then before I knew it he’d pushed into me, so much force behind his hips that I almost fell backward before he pulled me back to him, shot his head down so that he could bite my bottom lip. His touch was strict, severe, strong. Even with my lip still gripped between his teeth, he managed to smirk, aware of how much power he had in those moments, but it was my power that had brought him to me. He let my lip loose, his hand moving from my hair to my jaw as he began to kiss me, surprisingly gentle, his hips beginning to wind, gradually moving in and out of me. I loved how he could feel so tough and unforgiving whilst also moving with such a gentle ease. I didn’t understand how he could be both and yet he was, and he was with ease. He was the light and the dark. The night and the day. The sun and the thunderstorm. The fighter and the artist. My fingers clung frenziedly to his t-shirt, possibly puncturing holes through the thin material, closing my eyes and breathing him in, barely able to kiss him with how ethereal I felt just being with him. “You feel so good. Fuck, you’re amazing.” He wheezed. I wrapped my legs around his, my heels digging into his backside, pushing my chest up and putting my arms behind me so I could keep myself propped up, Harry slowly taking his kiss away from my mouth trailing it down my chin and then over my chest, causing pretty palpitations that skipped through my body, his hands lowering to my backside and yanking me closer to him. Ever since the day I had seen his paintings for the first time in person, there had been this magnetism between me and his captivating work. Being around his pieces, touching them, breathing them in; it was fascinating and overwhelming and it always brought out such powerful emotions from me. So when I actually became a part of his art, that intensified, took all those feelings to an entirely different realm. That was one of the reasons I felt we had gotten carried away in such a physical sense. We connected when he painted. He took hold of my legs, curving his fingers behind my knees and gripping tight as he picked up the pace, head lifting so he could gaze down between our bodies, watch the way he worked in and out of me as I watched him, the way he bit his lip, even scrunched his nose, concentrating all his strength on me. I moved one hand so I could touch myself, stealing his focus. He watched my fingers move over my clit, the sight bringing new groans from him, and I could tell I was leading him to his finish. I knew all the signs, his giveaways. Nothing turned me on more than seeing him unwind that way. My moans were getting louder and louder, my eyes closing just a few seconds after I noticed a grin spreading across his lips, smug over my pitch, like he always was. “Oh fuck.” He seethed piercingly as he came, and I was able to feel the way his whole body trembled, the ripples riding against my heels and the parts of my legs that came into contact with him, moving my hand until he gasped. “Please finish. I wanna you feel. I wanna watch you.” So I moved my hand back, touching myself for those final few moments before it happened, Harry watching me in awe the whole time. As soon as we were both calm enough, Harry took my neck in his hand once again so he could bring me closer to him, kiss me with enough passion to knock me out completely. I slung my arms around his neck, feeling his smile grow against my lips. “I love you.” He gasped as we kissed. “I love you so fucking much.” “I love you too.” “You’re fucking bliss, I’m so obsessed with you.” He was rambling, spewing his thoughts, and it only made me smile more, my cheeks genuinely hurting even though I was still trying to kiss him back, butterflies in my stomach and rose tinted glasses perching on my nose and altering my vision. When our kiss ended, he stayed close, rubbing his nose against mine, closing his eyes and breathing steadily as I just watched him, just as obsessed with him. I stroked the backs of my fingers over his cheek, transfixed. “You make me so, so happy,” I whispered to him. “I feel like my heart is gunna burst.” “Nah, fuck that.” He sneered. “I need you. No heart bursting, please.” “I’ll try.” I giggled. “I make no promises though.” “I’d be lost without you. I’d hate it. Stay with me, okay?” “Okay.” He kissed me again, lightly gliding his tongue into my mouth, so tender with me I thought I might cry. I never wanted him to feel lost. I would always stay with him.

Everyone had stayed with me for a good few hours, keeping me company on Alfie’s birthday seeing as she couldn’t quite do that herself. Lin and his wife Jessica had shown up eventually too, all of them being upbeat in their attempts to lift my mood, and temporarily, it had worked to the extent it could. But then as soon as I had closed the door on them, all my sorrow had come flooding back. My only aim then was to make sure that Alfie was happy. That was why I’d thought up a plan. “Just follow me, okay?” I encouraged her, finally having gotten her downstairs, though I could tell she was still confused and wary of me. “Where’re we going?” She asked, tracking my steps as the two of us tiptoed through the living room. I was walking backwards so I could keep my eyes on her, conscious that she might cower or run at any second. She glued her eyes to me, as though she was slowly teaching herself to trust me, a flicker of recognition darting through her eyes. I smiled. “Alfie, I just wanna show you something. It’s something you’ll like.” “Uh-” “You can trust me, I promise.” “Ca-can I hold your hand?” At first, I couldn’t even find it within me to reply to her, in a state of shock that she’d even asked that of me. But what it told me was rousing. It told me that I wasn’t entirely a stranger to her. It reminded me that even when she couldn’t quite place me, there was a sense of trust between us that remained. Even though it wasn’t immediate or obvious, it was still there. “Uh- Fuck, yeah, of course you can.” I held my hand out for her to shyly slot her fingers between mine, almost bashful when she did, like it was the first time we’d held hands, like we were giddy teenagers who were dating one another. And I wondered then if that was how I should start viewing it, when her Alzheimer’s attacked her that way. Maybe it would help if I started thinking of it as though I had to win her back and win her over, as though she was someone I needed to charm and woo, a girl I really fucking wanted but needed to earn. Slowly, I lead her through the kitchen and then into the conservatory at the back of the house. I took her to my paintings. Her pupils blew up in seconds, a new galaxy appearing in her eyes, looking around the room in wonder, gazing at all the art in there, the abundance of canvases that still sat in that room. There were paintings of her, paintings we’d done together, paintings of her friends and loved ones, paintings that had been in there the very first time she had been in there. It had the potential to be a really good space for her. She let go of my hand, unhurriedly exploring her surroundings. “Did you do these?” She enquired. “Mm.” “You’re talented.” “Thank you.” I nodded. Her fingers played over a painting I’d done of her, but she was clueless, unaware she was the inspiration behind almost everything she could see. Under the guise that she was a guest, she worked her way around the room like blood running through veins, oblivious to the fact that she was actually the beating heart. I didn’t want to tell her that she was a part of so many of the paintings she was looking at, because I didn’t want to obscure her reality and upset her. Sometimes it was just better to go along with however she was feeling, whatever she felt was real. She spent her time leisurely wandering and inspecting the work that grabbed her the most as I headed towards the prime piece, the painting I had wanted her to see most. Earlier, I’d propped it up against the back window, central, ready for her to inspect. I pulled the cloth that had been covering it away, hurling that tattered throw to the ground beside me. She was so engrossed she didn’t even notice. “Alfie?” I caught her attention, watching her spin on her spot. Her face dropped. I’d captured her attention entirely. It was the Blood Sun. Before my mum had left, I’d asked her to keep an eye on Alfie whilst I rushed to the gallery and grabbed the painting to bring back. Me and Louis had covered it to protect it from the rain before throwing it into the back of his car and getting it to mine and Alfie’s house as soon as we could, hoping for the best. That painting was hers. It belonged to her, and as its owner, I knew the emotional reaction she had to it and how that never tired. Every time I’d seen her around that painting, it had affected her in such severe ways, like it spoke to her, as though it could touch her both physically and mentally. My gut was telling me that connection would still be there. I watched her intently as she took steps towards the Sun, seeing the familiar look of awe that she always had when she was close to that painting, blinded and dazzled and struck with wonder. “It’s beautiful.” She whispered as she stopped ahead of it. “You… You should feel it.” I suggested. “What? Touch it? I can’t do that.” “Course you can.” I grinned. “It’s mine, and I say you can.” She stared at me like I’d gone mad, but I just nodded, willing her to do as I’d asked. She had this beautiful, dastardly look in her eye as she reached her hand outwards, the tips of her fingers only grazing the red for a moment before her hand retracted, like it had stung her. It was rather fascinating to watch her. Within seconds, she was touching it again, and I could see that her mind was whirring. I couldn’t even begin to guess what might be going on in her head, how she might be feeling, what she might be thinking. It might have been an entirely new experience for her, or it might have been shining a light to parts of her mind that had spent that day in darkness. I moved so I was standing right behind her, my body only an inch from hers, admiring the way she let her fingerprint distinguish the paint like brail. I reached out, lay my hand on top of hers, gently guiding her touch. She inhaled heavily, my touch affecting her, my stomach twisting. “Tell me how you feel.” I was quiet, hanging my head just over her shoulder, able to see the profile of her face. “I… I feel sad.” She explained. “There’s so much sadness here.” When she said that, I found my eyes looking at the hand that I had resting on top of hers, seeing the scars that were still so prominent, even after all those years. Looking back, I couldn’t even imagine feeling that way, being able to cut myself like I had. Seeing those scars reminded me of how lucky I was to have wound up with such a wonderful life, so full of happiness that harming myself that way was almost incomprehensible. Seeing those scars was a reminder of my current wellbeing. Alfie had helped me build that life, she had been the one that pointed out just how harmful my old technique had been, and that was why she’d always been able to sense the pain that would forever remain trapped in that painting. “But…” “But what?” I tried to spur her to say more. “There’s something else, I don’t know.” “Tell me. Just tell me how you feel.” “It’s like… home, and warmth. I… I don’t know.” “Like us.” I hushed. She closed her eyes, and I noticed a tear pool over, stream down her cheek. Something was happening. I was rapidly short of breath, keeping my eyes on her. “Fee? Please talk to me.” “I remember the first time I saw this in real life. I remember.” She trembled. “I remember the feeling. I remember crying.” “What else?” I begged, tears beginning to build in my eyes. I could hear my heart beating, observing her memory reform and construct in her mind, filling her drop by drop when all I wanted was for everything to flood into her consciousness again. I adjusted our hands so that I could squeeze hers, resting my forehead against her temple, whispering, pleading with her to search a little deeper. She took a shaky breath inward, overwhelmed. “Harry.” She whispered, and I thought I might collapse to the floor, simply hearing her speak my name. “Yes! Look at me.” I cupped her cheek, not pushing but trying to encourage her to turn her head. “Fee-Fee, please look at me.” She turned to her right, eyes sparking as soon as she looked into mine. She knew me. “Harry?” She questioned. “Holy fuck, Harry!” She scrambled so that she could wrap her arms around my neck, throw her body against mine and take me into her. I’d never held her so tight. Though there had been a few similar occurrences since her diagnosis, none had gone on for that long. I’d spent the entire day wondering if that was it, if she had reached her breaking point and her memory just wouldn’t come back. It was terrifying and excruciating. But she was with me. She was home. My body was frail, using all my might to hold her, but it was as though that meant strength was retracted from elsewhere, my legs giving way beneath me. I crumbled down to the floor, taking her with me, first landing on my knees and then falling back, Alfie straddling my legs, the two of us still gripping onto one another. I pulled my head back so I could look in her eyes, grabbing her cheeks. “Are you okay? Do you feel okay?” “Wh-what’s happened?” “I lost you. I lost you, I’ve missed you so fucking much. It’s been so hard without you. I hate it.” I sobbed, brushing some hair from her face. “How do you feel?” “I’m okay. I’m sorry.” She wept. “Don’t be sorry. You don’t have to be sorry, Fee-Fee. M’just so glad you’re back.” We kissed, another way of coaxing her back to me. I knew from previous experience just how disorienting it was for her, coming back around like that, I couldn’t even imagine how it felt. All I could do was talk her through it, be there for her, kiss her, remind her of her life in the kindest way I could. I kept the kiss brief then pulled away, eyes darting across her face and keeping her close. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked. “I’m fine!” She cried, clinging onto me. “Please don’t be upset, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Another horrific addition to her illness was the guilt she felt when she came back around. All she would focus on was my feelings, how it would have hurt me, as if it wasn’t fucking bad enough with everything else it did to her. She was strangely selfless about the whole thing. “Fee, you’ve gotta stop apologising to me, please. You’re here, that’s all that matters.” “I love you.” She wept. “I love you too. I love you so much.” I’d only recently realised the importance of being there for her when she found herself again. Every time, I was elated that she was back, and she was all I could focus on, but I had to be caring and present and not just break over how difficult I’d found it. I kissed her tenderly, breathlessly continuing to tell her I loved her at every opportunity, the words losing themselves upon her lips and swelling within in her mouth before hopefully finding their way to her heart. She was all that mattered. Doing everything I could so that she could find herself and fight that disease was all that mattered. I saw it as my responsibility to give to her and help her to sustain the best life I possibly could, and I wasn’t going to give up on that or give up on her. That disease was venturing to steal our happiness, and though it could gain temporary success, I refused to let it consume us entirely, to rob us of the sublime life we had created. Our love had more fight in it than any disease ever could. “I missed you.” I shuddered when our kiss soothed. “When I touched the Sun… It’s like I saw your face.” She enlightened me. “I saw your face and heard your voice and you were telling me you loved me and then everything started coming back to me. Everything.” Though I had been there physically, it was her mentality that had needed to alter, to shift and shake and align once more. When she had touched the Blood Sun, I had re-entered her mind and memories, my voice calling upon her soul and willing it back to the present. I could never underestimate the power of us. I could never underestimate the power of her mind and just how engrained I was within it. “You were there. You brought me back.” She whispered, laying a loving and gentle kiss upon my lips. “You brought yourself back.” I told her. “You’re so fucking strong, Fee-Fee. Keep fighting it.” “I will, I promise. As long as you’re here-” “M’always gunna be here, Fee. You know that.” She dropped her head. “Hey!” I placed my thumb beneath her chin, lifted her head back up so that she was forced to look into my eyes. “I’m not going anywhere. Whatever happens, I’m yours. I’m here. We fight this together, okay?” “Promise?” Her bottom lip quivered. “I promise. It’ll always be us. Just me and you.” “Just me and you.” She repeated back to me. She needn’t fear that I might leave, that I may tire of the tumultuous routine of our lives, that her illness wouldn’t merely steal her memories but it would eventually take me from her too. She didn’t need to worry for even a second. I wanted to be her support system. I wanted to be her life, her lover, her confidant, her centre. No matter how difficult things got, even if one day she disappeared indefinitely. I would never love another person the way I loved her, no person would ever compare to her, no life would ever come close to the one we had. I was with her, skipping through fields during the days of sun or sailing with her through the eye of the storm. It was just me and her through everything, always. That was my promise.

#the app seems to be messing up my text from what I can see 🙃#might be worth reading off the app #Soooooooo #this is 14428 words long #which is the longest chapter I've ever done so it's gunna take some time to read #just so you know before you jump in #farewell HBS #thank you everyone for reading #please send me all your thoughts about this #I'm sad now URGH #HBS #HBS50 #HBS Epilogue #😭😭❤❤😭😭

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ladybugsfanfics · 4 years

Text

Shut Up And Kiss Me [11/?]

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Style: Multichapter

WC: 2k

Warnings: mention of blackout, exstreme awkwardness,

Summary: You and Professor Hiddleston have been colleagues for many years now, and through those years the hatred for each other has only grown. Now, as a new school year starts, you’re being told that you have to share a classroom or a class. Neither are happy about the outcome, but knowing you’ll never come to an agreement, you let the class choose for you. Team-teaching is rare in 2019, but it is a lot harder to do when you can’t stand the person you’re doing it with.

A/N: aaaa, i have been so absent, I know. This has taken forever, but now I can promise you I’m gonna be back. Not only will this, hopefully be updated more often (I have inspiration), but I also got like a ton of writing mojo (wrote 4k words yesterday) and a Loki!Piarate au is soon done and i have other shits, my requests are becoming easier though turns out they’re getting long. Anyways, I hope this can please you and I hope to be able to post more in the coming time. I love you all so much ^_^ P.S. it’s close to christmas and a christmas party... ;)

Previous | Seires Masterlist | Part Twelve

You can’t place the feeling. Not really. All you know is that something feels… off. Wrong.

It’s Sunday, three days since halloween and you met Emma’s friends. Even though that was fun and all, the night could have been better had you stuck with the people you know. Not only would you be able to continue to get Tom being nice (which had your heart race a mile a minute), but you could also, maybe, have more fun seeing as you wouldn’t panic everytime you said something.

However, three days later, something feels off. You’re not even sure if it has anything to do with Halloween (if it has anything to do with Tom lending you his coat because you were barely dressed in your costume), or if it has something to do with the fact that you have no recollection of what you did last night.

All you know is that something is not as it should be.

You try to shake off the feeling and reach for your phone, where it lies on your nightstand. The clock on it reads 07.39 AM and you curse your annoying drunk self for always making sure you wake up early―it’s not that you go to bed early, no rather late actually (like you gotta stay up ‘til at least 3 AM), but more that whenever you do get drunk, you actually fall asleep right away and you actually sleep. Maybe that’s the cure.

Despite wanting to continue your slumber, you decide to get up. Maybe you can figure out what’s giving you this feeling of something being amiss.

One slightly wrong, though not that surprising, thing lies on your couch. Y/BFF/N has their face half planted in one of your pillows, though the angle works for them to breathe. One arm hangs loosely off the couch and their legs have tangled themselves in a blanket, where one is thrown over the back of the couch. You have no idea how that can be comfortable, and you bet they’ll tell you how much they regret it when they wake up.

Yet, you know that’s not the feeling that haunts you. Seeing your best friend crashing on your couch is not a rare sight, though it is becoming rarer as time passes.

Nothing is amiss in your apartment. Everything where you left it when you went out last night, even the now half-full bottle of wine you opened before leaving that sits on your countertop.

The mystery continues, but the answers are not in your apartment. One thing’s for sure, you’re not about to go out and find out.

Before you decide to check any messages or notifications, you find a glass, fill it with water and down it in seconds. Pulling your head back you become aware of the ache in it, and with the water helping you clear your mind a little, the pounding slowly creeps into a loud drum.

Okay, so you’re not getting away from being hungover. Good to know.

Not being able to focus with the drums really taking off in your head, you rush to the bathroom and find aspirin. You take two and swallow them with another glass of water. It’s gonna take a little while before they help so you slide down the bathroom wall and sit there to let yourself ease into the beating that keeps interrupting your thoughts.

It feels like it takes forever, but when you check the clock, the pounding starts to wind down a little after more or less fifteen minutes. You don’t have the energy to get up from the warmth of the bathroom floor, so you continue to sit as you open your phone.

You have three snaps, five messenger texts, two texts and eleven missed phone calls. The phonecalls belong to three people; three from Tom (your heart skips a beat at the thought that he thinks of you), six from Benedict, and surprisingly, two from Chris.

The two texts are one message of having voicemails (three), and one message from Tom; I heard from Benedict. He’s worried, are you okay? - Tom. You ignore it, making a note to reply and listen to the voicemails after checking messenger and snap.

It takes three seconds to regret checking snap. Two of the snaps are from people you have no idea who are, but who you probably added last night. The last one is a video of you from Y/BFF/N embarrassing yourself to the nth degree on the dance floor. You know they saved it, and you know there is no point in asking to delete it―no matter what, you know they won’t post it anywhere.

In a state of shock, checking messenger becomes more automated that anything else. You read the messages; one with a similar name to one of the snap usernames that you ignore and delete the friend request seeing as the message itself is not one you want; one that’s from a groupchat with you, Y/BFF/N and another mutual friend that you don’t see that often as they live abroad, but whom you trust fully and therefore has replied to your drunk texts about wanting to fuck a certain person whose name shall not be mentioned; three texts from Chris asking what’s going on, if you’re okay and if there’s anything he can do to help. You only reply to Chris’s by asking why he wonders, saying yes and asking him if he knows anything about what happened last night―you do not admit to having no memory of the evening.

Waiting for a reply you listen to the voicemails. All three are from Benedict; one he sounds mad in, one he sounds worried in, and one he threatens to call the police and tell them that you’re missing and that you might be in danger―it feels a little weird not knowing if that actually happened.

You sigh, blowing your hair so it falls in your face. Well, well, gotta keep searching.

In the living room, Y/BFF/N lies in the same position as before. You ignore them, instead focusing on the low rumble from your stomach.

Hopefully, some food will help clear the mystery.

The food itself doesn’t help. However, the replies from Chris does.

Chris: asking because you seemed very drunk and i wanted to know you’re okay, good that you are, and no, i don’t know since you never really gave me anything to go on

You: okay, well, there are no other messages between us, anything I did to alert you??

Chris: uhh, no, actually it was Tom that called me

You: Tom?? Hiddleston?? The dude who I teach with??

Chris: yeah… i was surprised too, maybe talk to him?

You: yeah, im gonna

Of course, that’s what you tell Chris. You know, with every ounce of your body, that you will not pick up the phone and either text or call him because you know that that would be the death of you.

You will wait, as long as you can, to ask Tom why he called Chris. The thought of it alone just has that feeling of wrongness expand. You shake it off, put away your phone and return your attention to your food.

Going into work on Monday is not on your list of fun activities, but it is something you have to do. You suppose it would have been on your list of fun if not for the looming conversation you need to have with a certain professor.

It takes little time after your first class to meet him. Usually, your schedules don’t coincide but you guess the universe isn’t on your side today.

“Hi.” Tom purses his lips and puts his hands in his pockets.

You nod. “Hi.”

“How was your weekend?” he asks.

“It was good,” you say and nod. “You know what, I can’t really talk right now. Catch you later?” You shoot him a pained smile and hurry away before Tom can answer. There is no way you’ve ever been in a more awkward situation (and the worst part is that you don’t even know what it is that made it awkward―what the fuck did you say?!).

You try not to think too hard about it as you make your way back to your office. With two hours of office time, you can get back to focusing on your research project and get your mind off Saturday night and your possibly very embarrassing utterance to Tom.

God, what the fuck did you say?

It takes a solid five minutes for your mind to rush back to what’s been circling around the last twenty-four hours.

“Okay, you know what?” you say out loud to the silence of your office. It does not reply back. However, in the need to say it out loud, you act as if it did. “I have to just ask. I’m gonna go to wherever he currently is and I’m gonna ask what I said and I’m gonna cut right to the chase and it’s gonna be alright. It’s gonna be okay. It’s probably not as bad as I think it is.”

However, you don’t get up. It’s like you’re glued to your chair and no matter how much the nerves in your brain tells your legs to get up, they don’t move.

For two hours, you just sit there. Almost so you’re late to class even.

“We’re doing a what?”

Both you and Tom frown at Dean McHallan who, though with a slight roll of his eyes, nods. “You’re going to a conference in Scotland. I know it’s sudden and it seems weird, but they specifically asked for you two to speak.”

You raise a brow. “They asked for us to speak about what exactly? Do I have to prepare some kind of presentation or something now because, honestly, I’m not ready for that.”

“They asked for you both to speak on team-teaching creative writing. They wanted input from your students as well so during the week now, ask them some questions that you can quote them on. And they wanted you, Y/N, to speak on your research project as they find it interesting and they weirdly enough hadn’t thought about it before. They would love to hear how you’re going about it.”

Your mind races as you nod along to his words. What are you supposed to do? Say no, nope, you can’t do that. You literally have no choice because he’s already said you’re going and McHallan makes the final decisions and he also knows neither of you really have anything that important going on currently.

“Okay, I guess we’re going to Scotland next week.” You’ve always wanted to go so maybe it’s an opportunity you should take anyway.

“It’s settled then. Tom?”

The literature professor nods. “I can’t argue with your reasoning so I guess we’re going. I have some inquiries. Accomodations? Travel? Food? And when?”

McHallan hands each of you a piece of paper. “You will be in the same hotel, though different rooms. I think they’ll be just across from each other or something. You’ll fly there on wednesday morning, together, and have all wednesday evening to settle in and make the last preparations and so on. Food will be accounted for unless you eat above budget. There are breakfast and dinner included at the hotel, and lunch is served with the conference. If you eat anything outside of that it will be out of your own pocket. The schedule for the conference is on the back of that paper and the information you need about your flights just under there.”

You nod, going over the paper as McHallan talks and making different mental notes. Some of those make no sense, and one of them is ‘get trapped somewhere so you have to ask Tom what you did on Saturday’, though you’re afraid that one might be the hardest one to see through with.

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston fanfic #tom hiddleston imagine #tom hiddleston fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #thomas william hiddleston #twh #marvel #loki #rpf #real people fanfiction #professors au #professor hiddleston #tom hiddleston professor #slowburn #enemies to lovers #au

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samlicker81 · 4 years

Text

Lucky | Part 5

Sam X Reader

Summary: You’re unlucky in love when you find a lost wallet outside a bar and are smitten with the photo on the ID inside. Could your luck have turned, or have you found yourself in the middle of something unfortunate?

Warnings: nightmares, bed sharing, cuddling, angst, dumb flirting

Word Count: 2.9K

Series Masterlist

You finally got the timeline nailed down with Sam filling in the holes. You were abducted from your home somewhere between four and five in the morning on Sunday, after your shift. Kept in pitch blackness, and in and out of consciousness due to a significant concussion and blood loss, there was no way of knowing that the entire day passed. Sam and Dean were able to locate and make it to the nest by nightfall. Monday morning found you here at the motel, after driving through the night to put a significant distance between you and what was left of your captors.

You called Emily, the only person who’d really worry about you, on a burner phone Dean let you use. But since then, the only people you’ve had contact with are these mysterious brothers. If you can call it contact. The past two days have been spent with Sam clicking away at a laptop in the corner of the room and making whispered phone calls in the bathroom, Dean leaving the place as much as possible and coming back smelling of booze or bacon to watch TV too loudly, and you sleeping off your concussion or listening to an audiobook on Sam’s IPod, because reading with your eyes still made you nauseous.

Evening is falling again as you lay on your bed pretending to sleep. Sam has his eyes on you almost every time you look up. It’s already been suffocating enough sharing the space with these two men without the constant puppy eyes.

Besides pain, anger is all you feel. You’re aware that it makes no sense to direct it at your rescuers, but you don’t care. Right now, they’re your new captors and it feels good to meet Sam’s overbearing glances with glares and his questions with silence or sarcasm. You’d snap at Dean too, but he left you alone. Sam keeps trying.

“Sammy. Outside.” Dean pokes his head in the room. You hit the pause button on the book you’re not listening to and strain your ears against the highway noise to catch the conversation drifting through the thin walls.

“I don’t like you going alone,” Sam’s voice rumbles.

“I won’t be alone. Two extra hunters are enough. We gotta get back there before they recoup too much. Or worse, move again.”

“You know what I mean. We don’t know these guys that well. They won’t have your back like I would.”

“I’m a big boy, Sammy. You’re still hurt, anyway. And you have to stay here with her. She trusts you more.”

You scoff at the same time Sam does. “She hates me, dude.” He mumbles something else too quiet for you to hear.

“You gotta stop doing this to yourself. None of this is your fault.”

“If I’d left her alone, they never would have come after her. They grabbed her the very next night after I staked out her place. Sebastian made it clear that it wasn’t a coincidence.” The guilt is heavy in his voice. You feel some of your own tighten in your chest. You might be being too hard on him.

“You can’t live like that, shutting everyone out. People get hurt whether you’re around or not. It’s not a crime to like someone every once in a while.”

“Dean…”

“Whatever, man. I’m meeting up with the guys now to game plan. I’ll be back late and then we leave bright and early.” Dean shuffles a bag and then his footsteps begin moving away from the door. “Don’t let her push you around too much while I’m gone!” he yells and then the car door slams.

You snap your eyes shut as the door clicks open. He doesn’t even try to be discreet when he comes around the bed and leans over you. He steps away and sighs, heading to the bathroom where you can hear him quietly place an order for Chinese food. He remembers to ask for no mushrooms in your stir fry.

He flicks off the lights and tiptoes back to his corner, so he doesn’t disturb your fake slumber. He clicks at his computer, unaware of your turmoil.

A swirl of contrition, doubt, and frustration makes your head hurt. This time all of it is pretty much directed at yourself. Every spiteful action you’ve taken towards Sam comes back and pummels you in the gut. Somewhere in the back of your mind you knew he never really deserved it. He’d only ever been nice. So annoyingly nice. Because he liked you? You press a thumb between your eyebrows, pushing away, not for the first time, the feelings you had when you met him. You feel like a silly teenager, denying your feelings, wanting to cry into a pillow, avoiding Sam as much as possible.

You’re a grown up. You can apologize. Just not right now.

You’re asleep before Dean gets back. The new unease in the presence of Sam, knowing you should talk to him, is making your head throb with a vengeance.

It isn’t the first time your dreams have taken a dark turn. You’re always back in that dark room. At least that’s where it feels like. You never saw the room where you were tied up, and your dream displays that same darkness. Every sense but sight is heightened. You hear every movement and hiss echo around you. You’re not tied up, but you can’t move. Hands grab at you, pulling hard at different limbs. Voices laugh at your cries as you lay helpless, only feeling the damage they leave to your lifeless form.

Sam wakes with a start when you cry out. The too small cot creaks as he extricates his aching body from it. Dean snorts loudly and groans, pulling a pillow over his head. Sam comes to your side and hesitates. Your face is scrunched up in obvious discomfort. His fingers twitch, wanting to smooth the lines between your brows. He wills himself to step away instead.

He’s almost back in bed when you start panting fast. This time he gives in to instinct, wrapping a hand around your ankle through the bedspread.

“Shh…It’s just a dream.”

The clawing hands turn to gentle caresses. Stroking your leg from knee to ankle, pushing hair from your forehead.

You blink and find moonlight streaming through cracks between thick green curtains. You shift in the sheets, grateful that you have control of your body again.

“You okay?” You jump hard at the gentle whisper. Sam’s hands move away from you and into his lap, but he stays seated on the edge of the bed by your feet. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. You were having a nightmare again.”

You blink a couple of times at his shadowed face and then burst into tears.

The mattress rocks as he settles his large frame next to you, and you let him pull you into his arms. The gesture wrenches a quiet sob out of you. “I know, I get them too. It’s awful,” he whispers into your hair, a warm hand moving in soothing circles on your back.

“I--I’m so scared…all the time.” The admission chokes out of you and into his soaked shirtfront.

He pulls up your chin, forcing you to meet his eyes. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Your breath hitches. Somehow the affectionate statement both warms your bones and twists like a sharp knife in your chest at the same time.

“Sam, I…I’m really sorry.”

“What?” He laughs in genuine shock. You pull back a little.

“You’ve gone out of your way to be nice to me and I’ve gone out of my way to make you miserable. You don’t deserve it,” you sniff. “I’m afraid. And I’m angry. But not at you.”

“You’ve gone through a lot.”

You roll your still teary eyes and let out a sad laugh, “Ugh, like that.” You sigh and pull your good arm out of his grasp to wipe at your nose. “Thank you for saving me. And thank you for keeping me safe. Even from my own dreams.” You try to laugh again, but it doesn’t come out right. You shudder and his arms flex automatically, pulling you into him again. You breathe in his warmth and clean linen scent. You’re suddenly very aware of how intimate the embrace is, being in your bed, and your stomach flutters. His heart beats too fast beneath your ear and you smile a little. He feels it too, but he doesn’t let go. You can’t deny it feels right.

“You get nightmares too?” You break the silence; it feels so good to talk.

“Yeah, it comes with the territory. Everything is different when you know what’s really out there. When you look evil in the face.”

“But this is what you do? You and your brother? You…hunt things?”

He chuckles dryly, “The family business. We never knew anything different, me and Dean. Our dad was a hunter. When we woke up afraid there was a monster in the closet, he came in with a shotgun.”

“Oh…I can’t imagine.”

“It’s not so bad. We save people, do what the cops can’t.” You nod against his chest, sniffling quietly. “You think you can sleep again?”

“Yeah, maybe. I feel like I haven’t slept in days. I know it looks like I just lay here and sleep all the time, but every time I close my eyes I’m back there. I feel like a kid afraid of the dark.”

“A very rational fear, really.” His long hair flops over his smiling face as he relinquishes you to your pillow and pulls the covers up. Your fingers still grip his hand. “Do you want me to stay?”

“Would you?”

“Let’s see…tiny cot, or pretty girl?” he quips, sliding under the covers.

You settle into his warmth, anxiety melting away. Your cheeks are still hot with the blush his flirty remark brought on when you fall back asleep.

Dean trips over the cot, just a few steps shy of slipping out. He squints in the still mostly dark room, finding the cot empty. His stomach flips for a second, head whipping around. He breathes a relieved chuckle, finding his brother deep in sleep with you barely visible in his arms. “Sammy, you dog…” He hikes his bag back up onto his shoulder and shuts the door quietly behind him.

You’re alone when you wake up from the best sleep you’ve had in days. Your head feels markedly clearer as you sit up.

The shower shuts off and your heart flutters. How quickly your body’s involuntary response has changed at the thought of Sam. He strolls out, lower half wrapped in a towel, top half bare and still beaded with water droplets. Your blush heats all the way down to your shoulders. He’s perfectly muscled, and you glimpse a tattoo brandishing his upper left chest before you look pointedly up at his face. His smile is just as disarming as his nakedness.

“You’re up. How’d you sleep?”

“Like a baby,” you rub your eyes, still a little puffy from your cry. “I didn’t bother you?”

“Just one night on this thing is one too many; I’ll take a bed hog any day.” He folds the rickety cot in half easily with one hand, ignoring your indignant scoff. He grabs some clothes out of a duffel on the floor and heads back to the bathroom. “Get dressed,” he throws over his shoulder, “We’re going out.”

You don’t have a lot of options, but Dean did all right on his shopping trip. You move as quickly as one good arm will let you, excited to leave the much-resented motel room for the first time. Soon you’re dressed in some comfortable leggings and a T-Shirt, teeth brushed, and knots picked out of your hair with Sam’s tiny comb.

“Ready.” You beam. Sam, fully dressed now and stretched out on the tidy bed where he slept beside you, looks up from his laptop. He smiles back, pulling glasses off of his nose. You like the change: smiling when he looks at you instead of stares full of concern. He probably appreciates the lack of glares himself.

“A movie?” He asks, eyebrows raised.

“What, too regular for you?”

He laughs, “No, it sounds perfect actually.” He pulls out a familiar leather wallet and throws some cash on the table between your empty dishes. “I just can’t remember the last time I went to the movies.”

“We passed a theater a few blocks down.” You shrug, not ready to call it a day and hole back up in the motel.

“Lead the way.” He gestures, standing. It felt like the day at the library again. Being with him was easy. If you didn’t both look like you’d been in a car accident, you could almost imagine nothing crazy had ever happened.

The comforting, buttery smell of movie theater plasters a grin on your face. “I almost wish we hadn’t just eaten. Popcorn is my favorite.”

“Candy guy.” He smiles down at you.

“Oh yeah?”

“Ooohhh yeah. Anything sour.”

You walked into the very next movie they had showing, some sci-fi thing that you never would have picked in a million years. It was mediocre. Most of the day’s events had been mediocre, running errands for restocking the first aid kit, snack bag, plus some extra stuff for you to get by. And then an okay lunch followed by a passable movie.

It was the best day you’d had in a long time.

Your head hurts and your fingers are like sausages sticking out from your sling, but you can’t wipe a smile off your face as you walk back to the motel. You want to lace your fingers into the large hand swinging next to you. Besides some light flirting, everything has been above bar. You’re trying to work out a reason why he’d sleep next to you again instead of a perfectly good unused bed when his phone rings. He stops in his tracks.

“Dean, finally.” You can’t hear the other end, but his face darkens. “Okay. Yeah, we have more. Be careful.” He hangs up.

It’s him that reaches for your hand, but not in the way you pictured it. His long legs move quickly, pulling you behind him.

“The nest moved. They could be anywhere.” His words shoot ice-cold fear down your spine.

You struggle to keep up with his pace the whole way until he finally stops in the parking lot of the motel. He drops quickly to a knee. Is he tying his shoe? You’re about to question him, antsy to get inside and out of the darkening night, when he pulls up his pant leg and unstraps a long knife.

Shielded behind his back, you watch him thrust open the motel door in one quick movement. You stand in the corner while he checks the rest of the room. He grabs a bag and quickly heads for the door again.

“Stay here,” he directs firmly.

“Sam—” You hear the fear constricting your voice. His hand stops on the doorknob; the concerned eyes are back.

“I know. I’ll only be a minute, I promise.” And then he’s gone.

He’s true to his word, returning for you soon after he left. After being assured it’s safe, you reluctantly follow him back outside and around to the back of the building. He directs you to a strange smelling fire burning in a metal trashcan.

“It’s not perfect, but it can help throw them off. The smell.” With that, you move closer, reaching out a shaking hand to try and let the warmth draw the fear from you. His arm wraps around you and you lean into his side.

You stand quietly this way until the fire is down to smoking embers. “Come on,” he whispers, gently bringing you back to reality. He pulls the trashcan with him to the door. You sit on the end of the bed while he disables the smoke alarm, staring at the sliver of exposed skin above his belt as he reaches up with long arms.

The trashcan is left in the room to smoke it up while you both sit on the curb just outside. The smell is still heavy around you as smoke leaks from the open window. You’re grateful for his arm around you; the night is cold without the fire.

“I’m sorry. I want this to be over too.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.” You only rest your aching head on his shoulder for a second before you snap it back up at his scoff. “Sam, I don’t blame you for any of this. I’d be dead without you.”

“You’d be at home still believing monsters aren’t real without me.”

You continue to stare at him, trying to catch his eye. “Well, I’m glad I met you.” It comes out angrier than you wanted it to. He finally meets your eyes. There is sadness there, but something else too.

In a second his lips are on yours. A shocked sigh leaves your mouth and enters his as his lips part. Your surprise and remaining dregs of fear melt away with the insistent heat of his mouth on yours. Too soon, he pulls away.

You’ve only just blinked open your heavy lids and he’s already pulled the metal can from the room and slammed a lid over it. He peers into the haze and looks back at you, eyes dark.

“It’s not too bad in there.” He jerks his head towards the open door and reaches out a hand for you.

#Sam Winchester #SPN #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural #bed sharing #cuddling #angst #sam x reader #series

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lia-jones · 4 years

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Growing Stronger- Chapter Thirty-One - So Close, Yet So Far

Victor was a patient man.

True, he was known for being tyrannical, unapproachable, brazen, even cold-hearted, (which he was not, for that matter) but he was also patient. Today, however, his patience was being tested to its very limit.

Andrea was late. Ten minutes late, to be exact. They were meeting the wedding planner; they had a schedule to follow. He felt like getting up, waltzing into that room and simply taking his fiancée with him, declaring as he walked away that a Saturday is no day to hold a meeting.

But he was a patient man, and he told her he understood the stress she was in due to the haste of publishing content before the German team, so he would keep his word. And so he shifted on his seat, taking a deep breath to diminish his discomfort, trying not to count the minutes as they passed by.

Victor understood the importance of work and of being industrious. He had dedicated countless hours of his life raising his company to the top, stopping time so the day would have more than twenty-four hours, but what Andrea was doing bordered on ridiculous. Andrea technically lived with him, but it was like he was living alone again, except that now he had an additional worry. She was always on that laptop of hers, studying, analyzing, replying to e-mails, and it was practically impossible to have any kind of conversation with her, because her mind was always far away, buried in books and data, mentally organizing the topics of her study.

Fifteen minutes late. Victor’s fingers tapped on the steering wheel.

Andrea would barely have any meals with him, saying that she would eat something later, which she would never do, if Victor didn’t eventually bring her a snack so she wouldn’t work on an empty stomach. They didn’t even sleep together anymore, let alone have any kind of intimacy, and rare was the night that Victor didn’t have to scoop her slumbering form from that chair and take her to their bedroom, because her body had simply shut down with exhaustion. And now this. Meetings on a Saturday. The only days she had to relax and take care of other matters, like their wedding, and still she would be pulled to meetings and skype conferences, or she would need to review someone else’s work because, as she put it, in the end it would be her name on that study. Her reputation. And although it was difficult, Victor understood. He was a patient man.

Twenty minutes late. Victor’s leg jumped furiously.

What Victor didn’t understand was how she got herself buried so deep in the first place. He was a businessman himself, he has his duties to fulfill, yet he always found the time for her. Why couldn’t she find time for him? If she wanted to be a good leader, she would have to learn to delegate, to not take all the work for herself, or else all of it would have a tremendous negative impact on her health. No, this wasn’t just because he felt dejected for Andrea not making the time for him. He was worried about her, she would get herself sick if she kept continuing this way.

Twenty-five minutes late. Victor’s jaw clenched. That’s it. He was done being patient. He was going in. He would drag her out if need be.

The front passenger door flew open, and a very flustered and tired Andrea came in.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She rambled the apology. “I tried to get out of there as soon as I could, but they kept asking questions, I couldn’t just leave.”

“What questions can they possibly have that can’t wait till Monday?” Victor’s cringed internally at his own tone, that came icier than he intended.

“I’m sorry.” Andrea touched his shoulder softly. “I’m here, now. I’m all yours.”

“I could’ve gone by myself, you know.” Victor complained. “I have met with the planner five times already without you, because you were too busy. He’s probably wondering if my fiancée is imaginary. He keeps asking for you.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Andrea replied, with a sad low voice. Victor’s heart panged. But he had to tell her.

“This is not just my wedding, it’s our wedding, Andrea. I know a lot is being demanded of you now, but you have to make time for this. This is our important day, you have to be more involved in it. Not just me, we.”

“I’m sorry, you have been more than understanding, and I’m so grateful for that. I have been under a lot of stress, but from this moment on, I’m yours. I’m yours for the weekend, no more work, I promise.”

“I’ll take you up on that promise.” Victor let himself relax. “We have some other business to take care of.” He raised an eyebrow, smiling suggestively.

“Oh, that business.” She ran a hand over his chest. “Yeah, it’s been a while.” She made a face.

“Too long, if you ask me.” Victor agreed. “But it’s alright, I am a patient man. And we have all weekend.”

“Yes, we do.” She gave him a mischievous smile, making his heart sing with joy. She was back.

He wished he didn’t have to bring up the next subject, but it was better to deal with all of it at once, and then just enjoy the time they had left.

“I spoke to my father today.” He revealed.

Andrea jumped back slightly.

“You called him about the wedding?” Andrea’s eyes grew bigger. “Finally, Victor! I mean, he’s a piece of work, but he’s still your father.”

“I knew you were going to say that.” Victor scoffed. “No, I didn’t call him, he came over to visit. He said he approves of the wedding, and wants to pay for the whole thing himself. He even wants to throw a New Year’s party to celebrate our engagement. I refused.”

“Wait, what?” Andrea shook her head. “No, Victor, why?”

“You know why.” Victor frowned. “Why are you taking his side on this? I thought I had your support!”

“I’m not taking sides!” Andrea raised her hands defensively. “If anything, I’m taking the i-do-not-want-to-aggravate-my-fiancé side! I always have your back, you know that.”

Victor scoffed. Andrea leaned her face against his arm, kissing the fabric of his suit jacket.

“I know you have your reasons, ok? But the guy is actually making an effort, trying to reconnect with you. He knows he did some very harmful things, but he’s trying to make up for lost time.” He kept his eyes on the road, but he could feel her watching him closely. “I know you don’t trust him, but can you at least try to give him the benefit of the doubt? He’s your father, Victor. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a good relationship with him?”

“We can’t attend his party anyway, we are going to Portugal for the holidays, remember?” Andrea’s family was important to her, so it was a very solid excuse. Besides, he would much rather spend time with her family than with his own.

“We were there two months ago; we can delay our next visit. This is more important.”

Victor took a deep breath. It was no use arguing with her. She had a good relationship with her family, understandably she would want the same for him. If it was that important to her, he could give it a try.

“Fine.” He whined, making her smile wider. “We have more important matters to discuss. We still haven’t found a venue for the wedding. And it’s four months away.”

“Do you have anything in mind?” She asked, leaning her head again on his shoulder.

“My aunt offered her farm, I forgot to tell you.” Victor felt happy that they finally could discuss these matters in peace. “It has plenty of room, a beautiful garden, we could actually use the horses for the entrance. There’s the view to the lake, the willow tree you love. My aunt is actually wanting to do some work in the garden, and I think she can’t afford it, so maybe I could help her with that and use the wedding as an excuse. Maybe redecorate the main room, it’s large enough to hold the banquet. And we would have the ceremony outside, in the garden.”

“Mhm.”

“I know, it doesn’t have much meaning to us as you’d like, we were there for only an afternoon. But it does have meaning to me, most of my happiest moments were spent there, except the ones I live with you. I emailed the blueprints to the planner, to see what he thinks, but I care more about what my future wife thinks.”

Victor kept his eyes on the road, waiting for a reply. Andrea kept silent, however.

“So? What are your thoughts on the matter?” Victor looked at his fiancée.

Andrea was in no condition to think at all, as she was sleeping soundly against his shoulder, completely deaf to his words. Victor sighed, feeling abandoned once again. At least she was sleeping.

It didn’t take them long to arrive at the wedding planner’s studio. Victor took his seatbelt and shifted his position a little, letting the slumbering girl slide onto his lap. He watched her sleep, softly stroking her golden curls, not wanting to wake her at all. Surprisingly, this was the closest he felt to her in weeks.

The wedding planner was foreign, and no one really knew where he was from, which added to his mystery, although Victor suspected it was somewhere in Eastern Europe. His accent was thick, his English was surprisingly poor, but he was very good at his job.

“Ah, the beautiful fiancy!” He greeted Andrea with one kiss in each cheek, and was about to do the same with Victor. Victor avoided him gracefully. “Will make a beautiful breed. Do you have dress?”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Meer.” Andrea pushed away discreetly. “No, I’m still unsure of what I want.”

“Please, just Benny. Did you see breedal magazynes I sent through Vicky?”

Andrea was too busy stifling a laugh to answer. The planner didn’t seem to notice, and showed them a table with several folders with cutouts and samples, and asked them to sit.

“I saw pictures and scheme.” Bernard started. “Beautiful place. Horses are must. Carriage for breed, broom in horse. After party, release the doofs and happy couple in carriage, to the sunset. I’ll show my pictures.”

Andrea seemed confused.

“Breed is bride. Broom is groom. Doofs are doves.” Victor whispered to Andrea, discreetly.

“Oh my.” She chuckled.

Victor glared at her, silently telling her to behave.

“This is table I imagined. Very roostic yet elegant. Pastel couleurs. Golden and vite plates. Golden utonsils.”

“Excuse me, tonsils?” Andrea was confused once again.

“Yes, fucks and knives.”

Andrea stifled another laugh. Victor squeezed her leg under the table.

“Flowers, beautiful pastel. Roses, orchids or penises. You like penises, no?”

“Peonies!” Victor hurried to correct.

“Yes! Penises!” The planner shouted with excitement. “Baby penises everywhere! White penises, rose penises, even red penises. I can also find blue penises, but those are harder!”

At this point Andrea was completely desperate, her hands still covering her mouth, her shoulders shaking, her eyes watering.

And Victor’s blood boiling.

“Awww, breed is emotional. You cry because it’s beautiful, no?”

“Yes.” Her voice was a high pitched croak. Victor decided to take matters into his own hands, before the planner noticed and took offense.

“Come here, honey.” Victor leaned Andrea’s face on his chest. “Just let it all out.”

Andrea did bury her face hard into his shirt, finally able to release some of her… tension. Luckily, it looked like she was crying, only Victor knew she was lost in laughter. After a moment, she was able to control herself, and Victor let her go, not before he shot her a scolding look.

“I’m sorry. I get too emotional sometimes. I just can’t believe I’m marrying Vicky!” Her voice was strained on that last part, laughter wanting to erupt again.

“Sure! I used to it already! Now, let’s discuss caca. You know what kind of caca you want? Round caca? Maybe tall caca, many levels of caca? Cupcacas are also in fashion.”

“Oh, cake.” It dawned on Victor what Bernard really meant. And then he noticed Andrea covering her mouth again, her eyes red with the effort of holding laughter. She wouldn’t be able to hold it for much longer. She looked like she was about to burst.

“Excuse me.” Victor took his phone, pretending to read a text. “There has been an issue at the company, we will need to reschedule this for another time.” He took Andrea by the arm, and they both got up, leaving in a hurry.

“I’ll see you soon!” The planner shouted from inside his studio. “We still have to talk about the photoshit!”

“Pffffffft!” Victor heard from his fiancée.

“Get in the car now!” He gritted between his teeth.

In the privacy of his vehicle, Andrea just let it all out, laughing out loud for quite some time. When she spoke again, she was still chuckling, her eyes dropping tears.

“Oh my God! I thought I was going to explode! How am I supposed to work with this man?”

Victor didn’t laugh though. He was fuming, feeling his ears hot with rage.

“I’m disappointed, quite frankly. Never in a million years would I imagine you would be so childish.” He replied coldly, eyes on the road, feeling he was the one that was about to explode.

“Childish? Victor, he was screaming baby penises! The blue penises are harder!” Andrea started laughing again. “How could I not laugh? Why were you not laughing?”

“Because I’m an adult, and I have the decency not to mock people for their speech impediments.” Victor retorted.

“Ok, you have to agree this is more than a speech impediment. Besides, you should’ve told me he would be like this! At least I would be prepared!” Andrea was smiling, like the whole situation was just a big joke. He wasn’t finding it funny at all.

“I should have told you?” Victor felt the bad blood rising along with the tone of his voice. “When? When do I ever have the time to talk to you anymore? Tell me, Andrea, where do I possibly fit in your very busy schedule?”

“You’re being unfair…” Andrea’s face dropped.

“Am I really? We were supposed to meet him this morning. Your team called and asked for a meeting. Fine. I rescheduled for the afternoon.” Victor tried hard to keep his tone less aggressive, but was finding it very hard to do. “You show up almost 30 minutes late. Fine. This is the most exclusive wedding planner in the country, maybe the entire planet. You have absolutely no idea how hard it was to convince him to work for us, but I did it, because I will take nothing but the very best for you. All you had to do was to sit with us and plan our wedding, supposedly the most important day in our life as a couple. But no, you couldn’t even do that!”

There was a pause.

“Well, I don’t seem to be able to do anything right these days, am I?” Andrea’s voice was pained.

The question hit Victor hard, and his heart tightened with guilt.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, you are right. I have been difficult. This was important, and I screwed it up. I’m sorry.” Andrea looked at Victor with earnest eyes. Suddenly, all rage was gone. She was trying hard.

“You have been under a lot of stress lately, working incessantly.” He downplayed it. “You are allowed to have a silly moment. And yes, I should’ve warned you. We’ll go home, sit and decide what we want, and the next meeting you won’t even have to come along, I’ll go prepared.”

“I’ll try to go with you next time. And I promise I won’t laugh.”

Victor exhaled heavily, the tension of an upcoming find gone. Fortunately.

“I’m sorry for my outburst. I miss you, is all.” He gazed at her lovingly.

“Well, let’s use this weekend to make up for lost time.”

Victor’s hand left the steering wheel to hold hers. It was no use feeling angry for something so small, when his love was so immense. He would have her that day and the following day, and shower her with love. That was all he wanted, and that was all that mattered.

He should’ve guessed his joy would be shortlived. The moment she stepped foot in the apartment, her phone rang.

“I’m so sorry, there’s something wrong at the faculty, the team needs me there.” Andrea explained. “It’s a short thing, it won’t be long until you have me in your arms again.”

Victor knew very well that was a lie, even if Andrea didn’t. An hour turned into two, three, four, and Victor had dinner alone, reading the several apologetic texts from her. He went to bed, taking with him a glass of brandy and his laptop. He could use a distraction from his indignation. Might as well do some research for the wedding.

Andrea entered the room carefully, eyeing his reaction.

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” She apologized. “How was your evening?”

“Fine.” He answered shortly, annoyed.

“What are you doing?” She tried again, sitting next to him.

“Busy. Wedding research.” Victor knew it was childish to play hard to get, but he wasn’t going to give in easily either.

With a loud sigh, Andrea got up and disappeared into the walking closet. Victor sighed as well. He didn’t want to argue, he didn’t like being upset with her. But he just couldn’t turn it around.

Andrea came out of the closet, standing in front of him, waiting for him to look at her. He looked up, noticing she was wearing his favorite lingerie, the satin burgundy one with lace, that made her breasts look just perfect and went impeccably with her creamy skin tone. Victor looked back at his computer, pretending he didn’t notice and his heart wasn’t pounding hard on his chest. She took the laptop away, closing it and putting it on the nightstand.

“I was using that.” He complained.

“I noticed.” She spoke with her bedroom voice, making something stir inside him. Without any ceremony, she straddled him, taking his face between her hands, looking him softly in the eyes. Victor swallowed hard. “I know that I was gone for longer than expected, and you have every reason to be mad. But I am here now, and we still have a whole day… And a whole night.” She kissed the nape of his neck, causing Victor to take a deep breath. “So… what do you want to do? Do you want to spend some quality time with me?” She kissed him shortly on the lips. “Or do you want to keep looking at flower arrangements?” She kissed him again, this time teasing his top lip with her tongue.

Victor stared into her dark eyes, lost in lust.

“I think you know what I want.” He pulled her for a hungry kiss.

Yes, he could play hard to get. But who was he fooling? She had him the moment she walked in.

#Growing Pains - Series #growingstronger #victor x oc #victor mlqc #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc fanfic #mister love queens choice #love and producer

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nazariolahela · 4 years

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Best Beloved: Chapter 5

A/N: Hey y'all! This is a PM AU I’ve been working on. It’s a bit different than my previous fic series and I’m really excited to try something new. I hope y’all enjoy it. This story is told in dual first-person narrative, from Kaia (F!MC) and Damien’s POV. The first half of this story takes place during Kaia’s freshman year and Damien’s senior year of college. The second half is two years after Kaia graduates. There will be sprinklings of canon in this fic, but we’ll try to step out of the box for the most part. Thanks for reading, and please leave feedback, and/or if you would like to be tagged.

Catch up here

Series Tags: @burnsoslow @lady-calypso @irishwhiskys-blog @loveellamae

Synopsis: What happens when you find yourself crushing on your best friend? For years, Damien and Kaia have been friends, while secretly harboring feelings for one another. Everything changes one night after a little too much alcohol and years of pent up feelings. Can they control their emotions and salvage their friendship, or will the feelings they hold for one another destroy everything they have?

All characters are the property of Pixelberry Studios. Thanks for allowing me to borrow them.

Chapter Summary: Damien and Kaia meet for a study group, but the assignment isn’t the only thing they’re struggling with.

Kaia

“You’re late,” I said, my feet propped up on the table, as Damien shuffled across the library to where I was sitting. It was our weekly study session and we were supposed to start 20 minutes ago, but I was the only one in our group who had grasped the concept of time management.

“Yeah, sorry. This internship is kicking my ass. I had to stay late because we were setting up some new security clearance protocols. Don’t tell anyone though. That information is classified,” he replied as he slid the backpack off his shoulder. He took a seat at the table and shot me a panty-dropping grin. My body instantly reacted. Bastard. How did he keep doing that?

“Yeah, well Brad and Allison aren’t here yet either, so I guess I can’t be too mad at you.”

“You couldn’t be mad at me if you wanted to. You love me.”

I paused. Did he really just say that? He always knew how to push my buttons. Even when we were kids. It’s like he lived to get a reaction out of me. I cleared my throat awkwardly. “Anyway. We need to get the rest of this project done. It’s due on Monday. Did you finish your part?”

“Of course I did. What do you take me for?” he grinned, pulling his laptop from his backpack. I watched him from the corner of my eye as he set it on the table and opened it up, powering up the device. “I’m emailing it to you right now so you can add it to the final document.”

I had the unfortunate task of presenting the project to the class, so everyone sent their parts to me. It was my job to outline the project, then organize each part into our PowerPoint.

“Not gonna lie, this is not how I wanted to spend my Saturday afternoon. I have a very pissed off girlfriend right now,” he said.

I hid my smirk behind my laptop. I know, I know. It wasn’t very nice of me, but I got a little thrill hearing that Damien and Alana were having problems. It wasn’t that I wanted my friend to be miserable, but if he suddenly became single, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. I had nothing against Alana personally, but the few times we interacted, she was very cold towards me.

“Hmm...that sucks. So, I have Allison’s part. She emailed it to me last night, but I’m still waiting on Brad’s part. I put your part on slides 5 and 6 to transition from Allison’s slide, then we’ll put Brad’s part on slides 9 and 10 after my part. Then, we should be good to go.” I checked the time on my phone. Brad and Allison were over half an hour late. I sent both of them a text asking when they planned on showing up, then went back to laying out the presentation.

Damien and I worked in silence for several minutes. Occasionally, I would look up from my computer and sneak peeks of him. I couldn’t help but stare at his features. Even after all these years, my attraction for him never waned. He looked up and caught me staring; his lips turned up in a wide grin.

“Do I have something on my face?”

“Um...uh...nope. Y-you’re all good!” I replied a little too enthusiastically.

“Then why are you staring at me like that?” he smirked.

I felt my cheeks turn beet red. I quickly looked away and tried to focus on what I was working on, but I could still feel his eyes on me. My phone pinged, breaking the silence — and thank the gods — the tension. I grabbed it and saw a message from Allison. She mentioned that she wasn’t feeling well and would not be able to make our study group tonight, but that she would see us next week. There was still no word from Brad, which I was not surprised by.

I rolled my eyes and placed my phone on the table. “Well, Allison’s not coming. I don’t know about Brad, but I’m guessing if he was going to show up, he’d be here by now.”

Damien shrugged. “No biggie. That kid is a major tool anyway. Not having him here is a blessing.”

I giggled. “True, but we can’t finish without his contribution, so we’re stuck with him until we turn this stupid ass project in.”

“Yippie,” he said in a monotone voice. I rolled my eyes and went back to finishing up our presentation.

We worked for about ten more minutes until my eyes started to blur from staring at the screen. “Well, I guess this is a good stopping point for now. Until we get Brad’s part, this is as far as we can work,”

I stuffed my things in my backpack and slung it over my shoulder when Damien stopped me.

“Hey, you busy right now? Wanna go get a bite to eat?”

I cocked my head in confusion. Was he really asking me to hang out? I had offered to meet him for lunch or coffee outside of our study group several times, but he always had plans with Alana. “Uh…I guess. If that’s okay with you.”

“Obviously it is because I just asked you,” he smirked.

“Yeah, sure. You wanna go now?”

“Nah, I was thinking sometime next month. Of course, I want to go now. When else would we go?” His voice dripped with sarcasm.

I looked down at the yoga pants and hoodie I was wearing. “Well, I was hoping to shower and change before I go out in public.”

“You look fine. No one’s going to give a shit what you’re wearing. Besides, you’re technically already out in public, so it’s a little late for that,” he laughed.

I huffed. “Fine. Where are we going?”

“There’s a little bistro off-campus that has really good burgers.” He slung an arm around my shoulder, pulling me to his body. The feeling of him pressed up against me sent chills down my spine. I shuddered as he grabbed my backpack and handed it to me, then led me out of the library.

When we reached his car in the campus parking lot, he unlocked the doors and tossed his backpack in the back seat. I stopped in my tracks. He still had the same car from high school. All the memories of us riding around in this thing on Friday nights came flooding back. He moved to the driver’s side door, stopping to wait for me. “Are you going to get in the car, or are you just going to stand there all day staring into space?” He extended his arm and tapped his index finger to his wrist. “Time’s a-wastin', Park.”

Snap out of it, Kaia. It’s just Damien. But it wasn’t ‘just Damien.’ It was the boy I had been in love with for as long as I could remember. I moved slowly to the car and opened the passenger’s side door, sliding in. He smirked and started the ignition. We drove in silence, the only sounds coming from the radio. A song from our childhood started playing and we looked at each other with goofy grins on our faces.

“Remember the first time we heard this song? You wouldn’t stop singing it for weeks,” he said with a laugh.

“What? It’s a good song,” I replied, singing along and dancing in my seat.

I smiled at the memory that song brought back. It was the summer of 2009. Damien and I were in his backyard, hanging out in the treehouse he and his dad built a few summers before. Two of his younger sisters, Isabela and Carina, were having a sleepover, so he was hiding out. His sister Carina was my age and we were in a couple of classes together, so I was friendly with her, but I spent more time with Damien. The sun had finally set over the horizon so we decided to start up a fire in the fire pit and make S’mores. We climbed down the ladder and he pulled a lighter from his pocket.

“Why do you have that?” I gasped.

His eyes met mine and a smirk spread across his face. “I was smoking a J behind the school gym this morning, so I needed it.” He stared at me for a few seconds, watching my reaction, then burst out laughing. “I found it in the junk drawer in the kitchen, you dork. You know I don’t smoke.”

I leaned over and smacked his arm. “Not funny, Dames.”

“I disagree. I thought it was hilarious.”

“Whatever. Just light the stupid fire. I’ll run inside and grab the stuff to make S’mores.”

“Watch out for the slumber party,” he called back as I walked into the house. I made it to the kitchen and started rummaging through the cabinets, looking for the ingredients we needed. I found the graham crackers and chocolate bars but had no luck locating the marshmallows. I was about to go back outside and asked Damien when I turned and bumped into Isabela.

“Hey, Kaia. Whatcha doing?” she asked, holding several bags of chips in her arms.

“Dames and I are making S’mores. Where are your marshmallows?”

She set the bags of chips down and rummaged around the pantry before locating and tossing me the bag. “So, what’s going on with you and my brother?”

My cheeks instantly flushed. “Wh-what do you mean?”

She smirked. “You know what I mean. You two spend an awful lot of time together. Are you two a thing?”

“No. It’s not like that. We’re just friends,” I lied. Her cocked eyebrow said she didn’t buy my bullshit, but she nodded her head. I grabbed the bag of marshmallows from her hand and hightailed it back outside. "I Gotta Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas blasted through the portable speakers in the yard. I approached Damien sitting in front of the firepit, poking one of the logs with a stick. He was shirtless and the moonlight bounced off the muscles of his toned back. The sight made my mouth water. That was the first time I realized I was in love with him.

I was thrust back into the present by the sound of Damien killing the engine. I looked up and noticed we had arrived at the bistro. We exited the car and made our way inside, snagging a table toward the back of the restaurant. The waitress dropped off the menus and took our drink orders, before leaving us to decide what to eat. I pretended to peruse the menu, but my mind was on the guy sitting in the booth across from me.

“Order whatever you want. My treat,” he said.

“Huh?”

I looked up and he was watching me. He nodded toward the menu in my hand. “Don’t worry about paying. I’ve got it this time.”

“You don’t have to do that, you know.”

“I know,” he said softly, riling up the butterflies in my stomach. Our waitress returned a few minutes later and took our orders. Damien ordered the Maple Bacon Burger while I ordered the Mac ‘N Cheese Burger. The waitress left to put our orders in, leaving us alone again.

“So, now that we’re a month into the school year, how are your classes going?” he asked.

I shrugged, swirling my straw in my glass. “Classes are going well. I’m not ready to drop any of them, so that’s a plus. Dorm life is pretty fun, too. I got really lucky with my roomie. Her schedule is different from mine, so we don’t see much of each other, but one night a week, we hang out.” I tapped my finger against my chin. “It’s crazy to think that we’re already a quarter of the way through the semester, so that means I’m 1/32nd of the way through my college career.”

He laughed. “I guess that’s one way of looking at it. What else is going on? Any interesting guys catch your attention lately?”

My eyes shot up to meet his. Why was he asking me that? I went back to staring at my drink. “Uh...not really. There is this guy in my algebra class who asked me out, but I turned him down.” I peeked at him from under my lashes, unable to make out his expression.

***

Damien

I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. On one hand, I wanted her to find someone who would make her happy if I couldn’t. On the other hand, knowing that she wasn’t involved with anyone gave me a tiny sliver of hope. I know she wouldn’t wait for me forever, but I still liked that there wasn’t another guy capturing her attention. Jesus, I was such an asshole.

“So, what happened?” the words left my mouth before I could stop them.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s super nice and really cute, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say yes. Which is weird, because there’s definitely an attraction between us. My whole goal for this semester was to step out of my comfort zone.”

She looked up at me, those big, beautiful brown eyes staring into my soul. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, everything about this girl did things to me. Her laugh was like the most beautiful music to my ears. Her sense of humor was aligned with mine. Even her looks were enough to make other girls jealous. When she complained earlier about how she was dressed, I internally rolled my eyes. Even when she didn’t try, she still looked mouth-watering. She was wearing a pair of black yoga pants and a light pink hooded sweatshirt with the words “Rosé and Shine” written in gold cursive letters across the chest. Yes, I looked at her chest. If she busted me, I would’ve just said I was trying to read her shirt.

I awkwardly cleared my throat. “You should give him a chance. Who knows? He might turn out to be a great guy. We all know those are in short supply lately.” Gods, what was I doing? I knew it was the right thing to do, but saying those words hurt.

She nodded. “Yeah, I guess. Maybe he is great and we’ll be really happy together. I just don’t know if I’m ready to start dating yet. I think… I just...I’m not over...” she trailed off.

“You’re not over what?”

“Nevermind,” she shook her head and took a long sip of her drink.

The wheels started turning. Was she talking about me? I know she dated in high school, but Nadia told me those relationships never lasted longer than a few months. She suspected I was the reason for that. Yeah, I know it sounded a tad creepy, but I was able to keep tabs on her, thanks to her cousin’s need to gossip.

One particular moment was that first Christmas after I left for college. I received a text from Nadia asking if I was coming home. She then asked that I keep my distance from Kaia. When I asked her “why,” she told me that she was still upset about what happened after graduation.

But I didn’t care. I wanted to see my best friend. I dropped by her house to say hi to her parents. They always treated me like the son they never had. Her dad asked how college was going. I told them about my classes and the friends I had made so far. Her mom was filling me in about the neighborhood gossip when I caught a glimpse of Kaia hovering in the hallway. She looked like she wanted to talk to me, but I could tell she was embarrassed to see me.

We locked eyes briefly before she turned around and retreated to her bedroom. I waited a few moments then excused myself to use the bathroom. I stood outside her door, listening for any signs of movement, before lightly tapping on the door. I heard the springs of her mattress squeak under her weight, then the door swung open. She looked adorable in her red and white Reindeer pajama pants and white thermal top. My eyes briefly traveled down and I noticed she wasn’t wearing a bra.

“So, you weren’t even going to come to say hi to me?” I asked.

She shifted on her feet. “I don’t know. I figured you didn’t want to talk to me after what happened last time.” I watched as her eyes traveled up and down my body. It took everything in me to keep from pushing her into her room and kissing her. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t. Not only were her parents in the other room, I knew the whole age difference was frowned upon. And what if we did get together and it didn’t work out? I’d lose my best friend forever.

“You’re my best friend, Kaia. No matter what happened in the past, that will never change,” I replied.

“Even when I get drunk and act like a lovesick idiot?” She played with the drawstring of her pants, avoiding my eyes.

I gripped her chin with my thumb and forefinger, tilting her face up towards mine. “There’s nothing you could do that would ever make me want to stop being your best friend. And hey, I don’t hold what happened back then against you. Sometimes we do dumb things when we’re drunk.”

Her face dropped and it told me I had said the wrong thing. I brought my hand up and cupped her cheek and she leaned into my touch. The moment was interrupted when her mom called from the kitchen to ask me if I wanted some hot cocoa. I dropped my hand and gave her a weak smile, then backed away slowly as I made my way down the hall back to the living room. I looked over at my shoulder to see her still standing in her bedroom doorway, watching me go.

I was pulled back into the present when the waitress arrived at our table and delivered our food. The two of us ate in awkward silence, occasionally looking up at each other. After our plates were cleared, the waitress reappeared and I ordered a slice of cherry pie for us to share. When the pie arrived, we each took a fork and dug in.

“So, tell me more about this mystery guy?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood.

She chewed for a few moments, hesitant to talk about it, then finally spoke. “Well, his name is Hayden. He’s a freshman and a photography major. He’s from Upstate New York and has a Border Collie named Dipper. He also has a twin brother named Harley, but I guess they don’t get along. Nadia loves him and she’s been bugging me to go out with him for the last few days.”

I didn’t know this kid from Adam, but I instantly didn’t like him. Was it jealousy? Probably. Was I going to do anything about it? Nope. “It’s obvious that you like him, so why not go out with him. You’re overthinking this, Kaia.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she sighed and took another bite of pie. At that moment, Alana’s friends Rowan and Cecile walked by. They waved, then stopped short when they noticed it wasn’t my girlfriend sitting in the booth across from me. Cecile gave me a skeptical glance while Rowan looked on in shock.

“Hey, Damien. What are you up to?” He asked, looking between Kaia and me.

“Hey, guys! Just capping off a little study session. This is Kaia. She’s an old friend.”

He nodded. “Cool, cool. You guys going to Homecoming next week? Cecile is a candidate for court, so we were going to have a little get-together after the crowning ceremony. You and Alana should come. It’s gonna be fun.”

“Yeah, that sounds good, man. I’ll talk to her about it this weekend.”

Cecile cocked an eyebrow as if to call me out on my bullshit, but didn’t say anything. She narrowed her eyes at Kaia, then turned back to me. “Well, we gotta go. Tell your girlfriend, Alana, hi for us.” She grabbed Rowan’s hand and they walked out. I sighed. I was sure I was going to get a phone call about that by the end of the night.

“Well, that was weird,” she said. “Speaking of, what’s going on with you and Alana?”

Shit, where do I start? “It’s complicated right now. We’re taking a break.”

Her eyes widened. “You guys broke up?”

“Eh...Not exactly. We’ve been fighting a lot, so we’re taking a few days to calm down and re-evaluate the relationship. It’s not how I would have handled things, but she thinks it will give us time to,” I held up my index and middle fingers, making air quotes, “figure things out. She thinks I’ve been neglecting her, which I kind of have been. But she also thinks I’m cheating on her.”

“Wow...I genuinely don’t know how to respond to that,” she replied.

“Yeah, me neither.”

Kaia nodded silently, setting her fork down on the plate. She rested her elbows on the table and folded her hands in front of her face. “Can I be honest with you? This whole relationship seems really unhealthy. There’s a huge lack of trust on both sides. That’s something a break isn’t going to fix. If she doesn’t trust you to be faithful, your relationship is doomed to fail. So, it’s up to you to figure out how you want to proceed. If you think the relationship is worth saving, you need to prove that you’re a reliable partner, and she needs to work through her insecurities. If not, you’re better off ending it now. Especially before you two decide to get engaged or something.”

“I kind of already proposed to her though,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck.

“Oh,” she replied. “Well, you should think about doing some sort of premarital counseling before you get married.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because she said no,” I deadpanned.

Kaia went quiet. I waited for her to say something else, but before she could speak, the waitress reappeared to drop our check off and ask if we needed anything else. Neither of us spoke as I paid the bill and we made our way out to the car. I debated asking her what she was thinking but decided against it. We rode in silence back to the dorms. When I pulled up in the parking lot, she grabbed the handle to exit the car, then stopped.

“For what it’s worth, Dames, I am sorry about you and Alana. I might not like her, but you’re my best friend. And if she makes you happy, then I’m happy for you. If you ever want to talk about it, you know where to find me. I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

I nodded. “Thanks. I appreciate that. And hey, let me know how things go with Hayden.”

She frowned slightly, then quickly covered it up with a smile. “Will do. I’ll see you in class on Monday. Have a good weekend.” She got out of the car and took off running towards her dorm.

I dragged my hand down my face. Get it together, Dames. She was my best friend. And I had a girlfriend. I got out of the car and headed toward my dorm. When I reached my floor, I swung open the door to my room and was met by the cold stare of my girlfriend, sitting on my bed, her hands folded in her lap.

“Alana? What are you doing here?” I asked as I moved into the room. She rose from the bed and made her way towards me.

“Cecile texted me.”

Shit. I knew this was coming. “Babe, it’s not what you think.”

Her eyes gave away nothing as she took a deep breath. “It’s not important. What matters is you and me.”

Confused, I grabbed her hand and sat down on the bed. “You know I love you, babe. And I know I’ve been a shitty boyfriend these last few weeks, but I want to make this work and I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”

She nodded, but her face told me she didn’t believe me. I sighed and pressed a kiss to her temple. It was going to be a long night.

#best beloved #pm au #college au #friends to lovers #perfect match #choices fanfic #damien nazario #kaia park #damien x mc #nazariolahela fanfic

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