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anakinthetrashking · 4 years

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BnHA One-Shot Fic Recs (pt2)

I AM HERE! With more recs for you! The last post was all about DadMight, such a beautiful genre *wipes tear from eye* This time its DADZAWA! if you happen to follow me, you might know that i really really(really) love Aizawa. a lot. So im going to try to keep this to only 10 recs, but,, well,,,, we’ll see anyway leTS GO

Aches and Pains by Badwolf36 Rating: G Category: Gen ~2700 words Summary: In which Izuku isn't willing to admit how much pain he's in, and Mr. Aizawa is just as much of a softie for his students as he always is. I’m always SO WEAK to stories that deal with the very real consequences of breaking all of your bones. Poor Izuku. I enjoyed the details of how he’s feeling, the way that the reader’s awareness of his pain waxes and wanes along with Izuku’s (temporary distractions can only do so much, A+ for realism there). Also, soft Dadzawa while not mushy-ooc-Aizawa! Conclusion: I love this and also want Aizawa to make me hot cocoa when there’s storms and i cant sleep!! (sidenote, everytime i see this username my brain shorts out bc my old ff.net account was also Badwolf## lol)

My Neighbor Shouta-ro by Hound_of_Heaven Rating: G Category: Gen ~2,700 words Summary: Yamada Hizashi, on Christmas Eve of the year he turns 19, jokingly presents Aizawa Shouta, also 19, with a Totoro kigurumi. Everything that follows after is pure chance. Heeeeeeeeeck this is ADORABLE. I- You guys- this is so pure and so precious and so!! go read it, i died. such fluff.

constrained by my own mind (im not fine) by CamsthiSky (tumblr: @camsthisky ) Rating: G Category: Gen ~1,500 words Summary: Midoriya Izuku is a problem child, and for some reason, Aizawa Shouta cares too much to let him fend for himself when the kid is obviously dealing with something First of all this is written by one of my fav Batfam writers!!! I was so hype when i saw this posted and OF COURSE IT WAS JUST AS WONDERFUL IF NOT MORE SO THAN I EXPECTED!!!! A+++++ in character for both Izuku and Aizawa. Izuku is jumpy and anxious and stressed and i love it. That the way Izuku started out, and while i am eternally happy at how much his life and social reactions have already changed, stuff like that doesnt just disappear in even a year, so I love fics that address that and expound on all the progress that he would have to make behind the scenes. and having Aizawa as the catalyst to begin getting actual help? *chef’s kiss* This checks boxes and then proceeds to cover the page in checkmarks LOL

remember from here on in by aloneintherain (tumblr: @captainkirkk ) Rating: T Category: Gen ~8000 words warning: spoiler heavy from manga chp 215 Summary: Aizawa glances from All Might to Midoriya quickly. It sounds impossible—he’s never heard of a quirk that can be handed down like a family heirloom—but at the same time, it makes perfect sense. Midoriya’s inability to use his quirk at the start of the year. The strange, familial relationship between All Might and Midoriya. The slow malnourishment of All Might’s body, like his power was being siphoned away. “You’re …” Aizawa begins.“I’m All Might’s successor.” Midoriya’s proud but shaky voice rings clearly down the empty corridor. Aizawa finds out about One for All. Awwwwwwww yiiiiiiiissssssssss!!!!! reveal fic!!!! one of my all time fav tropes!!! Plus it expounds on some future theorys/possibilities(Spoilers!!!) and you get some great interactions between Izuku and Shinsou, and plenty of opportunities taken to wear out our already worn out catepillar-sensei. poor guy needs a break but would do anything for these kids. Incredible characterization, great feels!!

Those Hardest to Love Need it Most by DancingintheStorm Rating: T Category: Gen ~8,200 words Summary: Shouta gripped the phone tight enough to make the phone case groan. “So it’s true. Midoriya was Quirkless.”“Until soon before the entrance exam,” Nedzu confirmed. “That’s not relevant now, though, because—““Relevant?” Shouta hissed. “Midoriya is barely functional, socially. He doesn’t trust any adult. He thinks the whole world hates him. He apologizes for everything except breaking the law, and I’m sure I can trace every single one of those things back to his Quirklessness. You call that irrelevant?” Aizawa visits Aldera Junior High and finds out some disturbing truths. Yes. Just. Yes. Righteous anger abounds, local anxiety-child is told for the first time that his life has worth, more at 10 (I LOVE THIS ONEEE)

The Gaunlet and friendships and how memes tie the two together by averypassionateperson Rating: T Category: Gen ~3,500 words Summary: Shinsou walks into his first day in the Hero Course hoping to get politely ignored. He walks out having gotten into a sanctioned fistfight with the entire Bakusquad and a whole lot of new friendships. Also, memes are responsible for most of this. This fic is SOOOOOOOOO much fun. Always sure to bring a smile and honestly all I could want from a fic about Shinsou’s first day in 1A!!!

like light through a window by achievingelysium (tumblr: @queenangst ) Rating: T Category: Gen 1,139 words Summary: The first time Shouta sees what Hagakure looks like, it’s because she’s covered in blood. Coming from one of the best Dadzawa writers around, is a delightfully haunting fic centered on Hagakure!! The Dazawa is of course, spot on, the premise makes your heart ache as it plays out like a movie in your mind. So smooth to read, while so emotionally painful. Ouch. It is a fic with imagery that has stuck in my mind like a plant with deep roots, bc i keep thinking about it despite my too-much-fanfic-reading-adhd-muddled-brain. I feel like i had more to say but tumglr erased the paragraph i had originally written. D: (side note, as i am keeping these posts to 10 fics... this fic came from her series of 30 min fics which you can find here on tumblr ao3 its an absolute goldmine of one-shots, go check it out)

a frozen pond, dark and deep by walking_through_autumn Rating: T Category: Gen ~3,800 words Summary: In the aftermath of Endeavour's battle against High End, Aizawa escorts Todoroki to his home for special leave, and they have a conversation that has been long in the making. (Or: Over two car rides and the mystery known as bubble tea, Aizawa divulges information, Todoroki returns the favour, and trust is built over unexpected similarities.) This fic felt just as quiet as the two characters it surrounds, which was really nice. Even deep emotional grieving can be quiet, since everyone feels things and reacts to things differently. It was a brilliant way to chip away at these character’s walls to let light shine through without creating an earthquake event to destroy the walls completely, you know? and it works off of canon so well. ah yes seeing the process of Aizawa realizing that hes has adopted another child is my fav anyhow i enjoyed it very much!

but still my heart is heavy (with the hate of some other man’s beliefs) by honeyandsunshine Rating: T Category: Gen ~3,500 words Summary: Nemuri jerks a thumb to the side window, presumably the one with the best view of the front gates. When Shouta looks, a small crowd, all of which he can recognize from his class, are gathered around a sleazy looking man with a camera and a microphone. Half their quirks are activated. Bakugou and Todoroki are smoking. From the bushes nearby, a rather enraged stag emerges. As he gets up, Shouta just hopes they haven’t already killed him. Or:Class 1-A defends their own. Aizawa suffers, but looks after them anyways. I love how this doesn’t go the way you expect it to. and how much Aizawa loves and trusts his class full of gremlin heroes. The Dadzawa is so soft, his logic is sound, my heart aches, and i kinda want to cry. really, really, really great you guys

bend, don’t break by heyhamlet (tumblr: @hey-hamlet ) Rating: T Category: Gen ~4,100 words Summary: It started, as it always seemed to, on what was supposed to be a pleasant day. ---A Christmas shopping attempt gone wrong, Aizawa and Midoriya have to survive a strange nightmare quirk, all while trying to work out how to get out of there alive. Aizawa is injured, Midoriya is panicked. It's less a question of what could go wrong, but more what could go right. Another fic that has not left my soul since i read it. Some of it is truly terrifying in a way that I hope never haunts my own nightmares. and honestly isnt that reason enough to read it? While near death experiences bond people together well, nothing beats being trapped with someone in a nightmare that is feeding off of your deepest fears! If Aizawa wasn’t considering adoption before, he certainly is now. Found family before the monster finds you...0.o go read it, its a treat from another top notch writer!

well, thats 10! the next post will probably be misc. bnha one-shots. Enjoy and don’t forget to give the writers your souls love and comments!

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satoruvt · 3 years

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fanfic writer tag game <3

helloooo <3 thank u for tagging me @hannie-dul-set this is so cute lol

ummmm! i think i will tag. @leejuyeeon and @seokmingiggles !! and as always anyone else who wants to <33

peum ~

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

omg lets see if i can do this in order. i think the first fandom i ever wrote fanfic for was creepypasta LMAOO and then... fairy tail? then 5 seconds of summer, then maybe it 2017?? voltron legendary defender, detroit become human, monster prom and mystic messenger kind of overlapped, the arcana !!! then my hero academia, haikyuu, a Little bit of demon slayer... i think thats it lol

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

seventeen is all for rn, but i’m thinking of also writing for mha again and adding jjk!!

3. how long have you been writing?

oh wow for like... probably around 6 years? maybe 6 and a half

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

rn just tumblr, i used to post more actively on ao3 but i havent since i started writing for kpop

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

ahhh like !!! comfort fics!!! i think theres something really sweet in those unspoken feelings during moments you think you’ll never forget... the idea of being with someone and you’re just so sure they’re your favorite person, and then warmth that comes with that realization... wahh

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

oh it depends i think. for longer fics i like to plan them out, but i really wing it with like timestamps or shorter ones

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

ONE SHOTS. my god i fucking suck at multi-chapter shit LMAOO ive only done 1 series like that and it was so rough for me lol

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

hm how do i explain this... anything that makes sense? however long it takes for it to feel like the chapter/fic is summed up or completed. i used to worry about word counts a lot but now i rarely pay attention to them, both in reading and writing

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

if we’re talking about multi-chaptered, then the color of you wins at 17k !! in terms of one shots, it’s for now; forever at 9k!

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh boy. i think... anything from the last like. 8 months? my svt stuff for sure!! i went a while without writing in between like january-late november 2020, and i was worried that my writing would suffer a lot... it took a sec for me to get back into the groove of things but i’m feeling happier than ever with the stuff i write now. i feel like ive matured about the way i approach my own writing and ideas, and how i do everything, and my fics make me really proud. ive started writing within different aus that i hadnt touched before, or talking about different feelings or ideas, etc... i really feel like ive grown with this most recent burst lol, and i love working on them! i get so hyped up when im in the middle of writing or even planning, im just so excited to share all of it hehe

11. favorite request you've have written and why (if any?)

ah its been so long since ive worked with requests that i cant remember anything LOL

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

yes. it is comfort and content. it is the feeling of love. it is holding hands on a walk in the middle of spring and smelling flowers. it is the sound of leaves when a gust of wind blows past. it is looking into ur lovers eyes and feeling nothing but pure fondness

13. current number of wips?

fuck like somewhere around 20 probably

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i really like repetition (specifically in sentences if that makes sense??), LOTS of unspoken things (even if i picture a fic with an established relationship, i dont say it within the fic; and especially concerning romantic feelings, i love when things go unsaid and are FELT full force), i think a lot of detailed rambling... i really like to try and describe emotions and stuff in the most abstract and obscure ways lol i feel like it makes things a little more palpable and honest

15. a quote you like from a published story

im gonna do a few. Lol. firstly this long one from pretend people can unlearn:

“Are you…” Jeonghan starts, and when you look at him, his eyes are still on the city in front of you. “Are you ever afraid that we’ll fall out of love?”

It never occurred to you that this was love. It’s not like the love you’ve experienced in the past, not even close. But maybe… maybe that’s why you never leave, why you hold yourself back from certain arguments like it might fix everything. Maybe love is the reason why Jeonghan still seems to believe in you. Why he promises he’ll be the best thing for you despite always breaking that promise.

(Is it love, a voice in your head questions, or is it longing?)

It takes you a while to respond. “I don’t know,” you end up saying, because you really don’t. Jeonghan turns his head and looks at you, and you half expect him to start an argument in the middle of night, out on the street like this. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Would that… be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan answers, just like you. His voice is soft. You want to reach for his hand just to hold it. “You’re still…”

He pauses, like he’s trying to find the right word. You let him take his time, for once, instead of accusing him of the worst. “I’m still?”

“Everything,” he tells you. He looks so sad and you reach out for him because it’s the only thing you can offer. You think the worst thing about your relationship with Jeonghan is that you will always believe him when he gets like this, just like you’ll believe him when he takes it back in the heat of a fight.

next is from like there isn’t something missing <3

But you’re crying into his chest because it’s not you, and it’s not him. Seungcheol wonders if it was always meant to be like this, if the two of you were always meant to part or if something… if something just went wrong, somewhere. A bump that did a bit more damage than either of you thought.

He tries not to think about it now. Tears fill his own eyes as he presses a kiss to your hair because he loved you. He truly did.

“I was so lucky to love you,” he murmurs, voice a cracked whisper. “I’m so happy I got the chance.”

When Seungcheol wakes up the next morning in an empty bed, he’s not surprised. But the Post-It note that’s dressed in your handwriting…

Well. It’s over.

and this last one from only for you, i will dance !!

“This will always be our own time,” he says. “We’ll meet here.”

You know. He says it every time. It never fails to make your heart soar.

“Our thirteenth month,” you say, just like every time. Chan smiles.

He kisses you so strong you feel yourself falling.

16. a quote from an unpublished story

ahh ok ill do a few here too!!! one is something ive begun writing, the other is one that i’ve just been working on planning out <3

Smoke blows past somebody else’s lips and partially obstructs Wonwoo’s view of you.

He hasn’t been to a party like this in a long time. It’s elegant, more of a gala than anything. He can’t remember who threw it or for what reason. It doesn’t really matter, he supposes, watching you make conversation with the partygoers. They all have old money to throw around, the symbolism stitched into their suit jackets and red-rimmed heels; remnants of it left on tables and in the contents of expensive cigars.

You play them like you are one of them, tell them the right things with a silver tongue. Wonwoo always watches, plays the part of an observer. It’s impressive, the way you float around the room like it’s nothing.

Wonwoo observes; Wonwoo knows things.

and the second one...

"you don't know me," you respond. your voice carries no bite, just a fact, and joshua knows this

"i want to," he says after a second. "if you'll let me."

and he's asking permission to be your friend, to be close to you, something so tender and strangely polite

it makes you feel almost sad

"don't expect too much," you say, a little teasing. joshua only smiles

17. space for you to say something to your readers

wahhh thank you all so much!!! when i first got into writing for kpop it was a lot different mostly because i think... i was writing stuff for different anime before, and i had built up a big following because of that and my works always did like, really exceptional in terms of notes and feedback and such, and getting into kpop... has been rough on that end 💀 but i appreciate your support thus far, even if it’s small... i’m still working towards a standard that i have for myself!!! so please be patient with me, thank you for the support !!

also please find it in yourself to leave lil comments or any sort of feedback... please..... PLEASE... any creator ever understands this struggle please always try to do this!!! for me and for any other creator you follow and enjoy content from <333

#wah these things r so fun. cries #tag games #adi speaks

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thoughtsdying · 3 years

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The procces of realising you’re aroace: a tale by me version 2

Realising you’re aroace is suddenly comprehending why your few friends (with one exception) have always turned out to be in the queer community at the end. Like. That fenomenum of “queer radar only you don’t realise it’s there and you end up gravitating together anyway?” yup- It happens too. Only most of the time you think you’re an allied cis-het weirdo who cares too much about something that doesn’t have anything to do with you, and who cares if you feel weird when other people assume you’re hetero (or that you have a orientation at all), you sure aren’t attracked to your same gender either. Nor are any kind of trans.

And then you discover asexuality in your late teens and it feels weirdly near you, but you think you’re trying to make it so you’re special, so you dismiss any ace feels as you being a late bloomer, and only take care of including it in discussions about queer issues, and then you feel strangely hurt when a professor dismisses it as “some self descriptor weird lonely japanese men in their 40′s created who only care for 2D” which. You don’t have to tell me all the problems in that sentence. Believe me, I know. And you can’t come with arguments except well if people feel like using it, then we should respect it, bc you don’t have the words to explain asexuality except that internet in english told you it was a thing and you still don’t know except in a nebulous way what even is aromanticism, so you didn’t bring that up in the discussion at all.

And a pair of years after that you start using demisexual bc it feels less scary and very reasonable except you’ve never felt attracted to anyone, how do you even tell it? And relationships scare you, and you still don’t have any idea of what is aromanticism except it scares you and you don’t want to contemplate a life being aro. You love romances after all

(except when you have to look the other way in any kind of profound kiss, bc it’s private people, which makes you feel wiedly homophobic when you’re watching a lgbtq+ media or your best friend with her girlfriend even if it’s the same with hetero, except then it’s just that sex is weird in film and kisses with tongue are still private people!)

and obviously you still don’t want to have sex with a girl (Except perhaps those emotional dreams of touching with a friend that aren’t sex but almlost and are very comfortable anyways it could be nice you’re sure but nice isn’t desire is it?) so even although guys make you nervous and any thought of doing anything romantic-sexual with one is a “yikes” you suppose you find some really pretty in a different way you do with woman and that must be ~attraction~.

And a friend tells you that a guy tried to sound her to see if he could date you and she told him you were ace and uninterested in any kind of relationship, and you go “why?” confused and a bit elated bc holy shit what a relief you won’t have to confront him, but also a bit of panic (that’s how i come across? it isn’t my imagination, im so obvious oh no) and she tells you, “well you are almost one and you don’t have any intention of dating anybody right now so i thought it best to cut any feels on his part right now”. And it gives you things to think about.

And another two years pass except this time you’ve started to educate yourself on aromanticism bc too many relatable posts on tumblr looking into the ace tag made you “holy shit yeah this makes more sense than just asexuality” but also you keep loving romance stories except now you’ve started to recognize you’re starved of friendship in all the ambits of your live and you’re also a young adult who still doesn’t want a relationship, what do i do? And maybe you’re not demi, you’re ace and you can think sex sounds a nice activity to do with intimate friends (aro aro aro) but not something you’re into, and you’re still ace, you’re not attracted to anybody not really. What a relief. (you still can’t try on the aro umbrella)

And you question yourself bc a fantastic guy has become your friend, and your minds vibe inmensely well, and you talk during quearentine, but he gives you some weird vibes sometimes, and makes you gifts which you ignore bc holy shit a best friend! And he has money and he’s lonely! I would also give gifts to my besties if I had money! And then he confesses to you on wassap, and you realise he has put you on a pedestal and has cofessed but already said himself he doesn’t want a relationship with you bc he would corrupt you or something and anyway, he’s not really in love with you he’s using you as a mental crutch to try to not be depressed, he knows that noe but he hates psycologists. Also, can i have some time apart from you?

So you tell him you feel flattered but that you see him as only a friend, and please can you not put yourself so below me? Search professional help. I’ll stay away as long as you need.

And you start feeling uneasy, but you think it’s only that he’s a weirdo and really you’ve dodged a bullet of course you wouldn’t want to go out with him, he’s not really the kind of pretty you like. Except if you’re ace what does it matter? Isn’t it that you feel pretty repulsed by trying a romantic relationship? Or are you just justifying your own aloofness and personality problems that make impossibly difficult to try a romance anyway. People don’t control who they feel romantic feels for anyway.

Except in the following months when you’ve finally reaturned to be friends you’re so relieved to not have that shadow above you and really wouldn’t it be amazing if everybody knew you didn’t want anything to do with them romantically? To be free to be friends and hug them, and walk arm in arm or go to lunch and cinema and still be just friends? To plan your future in a line along with those friends but not be really a committement as much as you just want to enjoy talking face to face with them for a bit longer.

So you go back to read about aromanticism and maybe you cry a little but mostly you’re pretty happy and scared about it. And you tell that friend, bc he’s your bestie right now and you feel him being bi and also being interested in you in the past would make him more likely to react well. It’s not personal it’s just the way I am. And then you start crying in the middle of a starbucks for 15 min. and you didn’t now you feel so much so intensely about being aroace, and how it had impacted you without knowing and how much you hate those expectations. And he hugs you and tells you “nobody has the right to tell you how to live. if you feel like you’re never gonna be in a relationship that’s your business and you’ll be happy anyway” and you cry harder. And then you both have a sincere conversation about sex as he has experimented it and how you feel it pretty strange and weird, but maybe you’d like to try it sometime. Just not a time near now. And if it’s never that’s pretty okey with you too.

So you go home feeling a bit embarrased but also pretty elated except a week later there’s another wassap message from him, saying he feels he still loves you, and that he understands intelectually your nearness with him is friendly but still feels romantic and it confuses me and it pains me and i would prefer to not be your friend anymore, sorry, men are shit and me the worst of them.

“Ok” I write back. I’m furious and hurt and I don’t want to see his liar face anymore. So fuck you, I think. “Thanks for telling me” And I block his number and I don’t talk to him when we met with out mutual friends, and when it’s necessary I talk as if he were a stranger. Kindly but impersonal. Isn’t that what you wanted? To lost a friend? So you’ve lost me forever.

And it became clear to me that I don’t think I’ll ever understand the stupidity of not wanting to see someone just because their lives don’t revolve around you the way you like, even though you’re friends and you can talk to them about anything at all anyway, and be there for help with the shitty parts of life. There are things I’ll never felt or do for another.

And I’m ok with that.

#aromantic #aromanticism #asexual #asexuality #personal #real experiences and problems

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kny111 · 4 years

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I’m Living Under Government Watchlist for doing ProBlack + BLM work

I’m not sure many of you know this and with what I’ve seen I doubt this will get attention considering how deeply sabotaged tumblr has become. But I’ve been doing activism for about as long as we’ve been yelling things like “HandsOffAssattaShakur“ to protesting what I thought was religious corruption when we did so against scientology to #OccupyWallstreet. I’ve been protesting and doing activism online and offline depending on my mental and physical health which has limited me as time goes by. It’s finally got me burnt out, not from the protesting and activism, but from those whose job in the past and present been to sabotage and destabilize Black lead/ Poc led movements. I’m in a continuation of this. Don’t let my lack of energy in speaking out fool you into thinking I gave up. I have just gotten worn out by them.

The things they’ve done to my mind and body while in this area since moving. They’ve been surveilling me since before I could even remember. Every single day that goes by they’ll have some way of making their presence on my health in a debilitating way. They’ll mess with the internet, phone, my contacts, infiltrate them, infiltrate my family, they’ve messed with the job search process and made difficult for me to enter any job without said job making some offhanded comments showing their solidarity to the corrupted country I protest. They’ve had people I trusted right here on tumblr infiltrated my circles of friends and myself and make it very well known that they feel beyond reproach.

This has all been in coordination with the NYPD and other government agents of defense. They’ll make themselves present in just about any space I try to go. From the forest, parks, to just a simple walks outside. I basically was lead into an area of Manhattan that is mad pro-cop, pro-surveillence capitalism, pro-militarized. Any time I make blog posts or whatever that don’t put em in a good light I get some kind of mental or physical health debilitating action against me like they’ll have mad loud noises at timed intervals like what the agent upstairs does all the time which messes with my breathing due to social anxiety and depression. They’ve had cars roll dangerously close to me, whether im biking or not. They’ll have people walk mad close to me during social distancing measures. I know it be them because they tend to use sensitive information they got through surveillancing me all day and night. Like fam I could be trying to take a piss in peace at like 3am and they’ll still be bumping away and making all types of sound to give the impression that they’re always watching. And they are. And I think the fact that those UFO/UAP objects appeared on my 17th (11/10/2004) birthday added to their obsession with me. The other fact that I ended painting a similar craft under the context of destroying colonialism I believe gave the government more understanding on what they’re really here about. I think that being the end of these oppressive regimes that have made so much out of us. I don’t want to sound superstitious but since then I’ve felt a connection with those UAPs that I only learned to name recently. I no longer think it’s coincidental that about a month or so AFTER I painted those native, queer sisters dancing to bring forth help from their future descendants, the navy posts those videos of the UAP that become well known. They’ve never done that, and yet just a few weeks after I painted this, not only does the gallery I exhibited this in Harlem catches fire unexpectedly, but these things become a topic of discussion in ways we’ve never seen before. I think them UAPs are here for our freedom. But that’s for another post. Too much to unpack into this. I’m just letting yall know what they know of me. So now imagine. This nigga aka me, tied to UFO, fortelling the future (I know what I sound like, but believe me, I can definitely tell the future) AAAND fighting for black lives? Of course they gone be on my ass like a probe. In fact, I think one night they even broke into our apartment (not the first time they do so) and did things against my will as I slept since I woke up feeling violated. Waking up with strange markings and having objects in the crib go missing. But I’ll leave that there. There’s so little ya’ll know about what they’re doing to BLM activists. So much I’ve omitted from here for my own sanity and to process things. This has caused my body a lot of debilitating stress down to my breathing having been shortened. I’m lucky if I have the will power to eat more than 2 meals. I don’t even bike anymore. I can barely run anymore. I can barely speak like I used to anymore. They stole so much more from me than they’ll ever imagine. Even saying all this to yall, whomever listening, feels pointless. Why? because they’re very good at making it seem, even if and when it aint true, that your people don’t fuck with you no more except for those they deem acceptable. As you figured, this would have anyone under 24/7 watch. The government be lookin at me and them UAP and the lands and non government natives as a force they don’t wanna reckon with, so they’ve put a lot out to shrink me as they do to so many of us who choose to fight for the rest who can’t. And this has all been while trying to raises my baby Quinn with my partner. So we’re all dealing with the state and federal terrorists in one way or another. If they not trying physically fuck with me, they’ll be running psych warfare on me, shit thatll have me doubting myself despite the facts. Luckily a nigga still bout that scientific literacy so it’s helped me a lot in spotting them and trying to keep some semblance of a distance. But again because of what I’m tied to: bday 111, UAP/UFO, native resistance and the spirits of the land and those this country murdered for white supremacist ventures, predicting/ESP type of abilities on the daily while telling them how useless their surveillence capitalist tools are knowing we can do this has likely mad them other me, dehumanize me and made me feel less human. Since then I’ve noticed they’ve been limiting my posts and activities on just about any site that has favored white supremacy, neocolonialism and capitalism in some way or another. They’ll mess with my facebook feed, who my posts get seen by, they’ll mess with my IG, they’ll mess with my tumblr especially. Basically any way they can limit who I may say this to and wear me out from even speaking about this and bringing yall hope like that. And remember, the information that they share amongst themselves as surveillance capitalist is the same information hub/database that infiltrated white supremacists and antiblack/antibrown folks in governments tend to us and share with their own hateful ass people. With this in mind, I really think they look at me as some would be leader to those movements since I’m queer and nonbinary so not as easy to trick into the outdated oppresive politics they try to have me on. Since I haven’t shown interest in being with them in any real way and have stuck to my activism and abolishing these systems they’ve continue to in a way torture me. Through sounds, denial of physical services, or when I go out to eat in places that have ties to law enforcement or government agencies, they’ll mess with my food, just about anything you need they’ll fuck with. What would that do to you if you experienced that? Hence why my bloggin changed a bit, not as attached due to energy fatigue and their constant harrassment and obsession with me. Many times, even with the fact that I may be linked to those UAP in some special way I still be feelin like dyin to not be around em anymore.

To add to what I said on how corporate own websites like tumblr have joined them; After having spent a good amount of time blocking my posts and blaming their algorithm. From blocking drawings of normalizing fatness to pro LGBTQ and Black Lives Matter posts like the Eric Garner videos I uploaded. For a few months now I’ve noticed my scinerds blog has been inaccessible, in a way sabotaging my communication with yall. And they would fix my blog posts by limiting who sees my posts, so now most if not all of my posts on this website and few others have been. When I try to use it I’m not allowed, but I’m still able to reblog, so I’ve been reblogging there less science and more activism as a way to protest the racist, white supremacist of tumblr. Be they black or not, they still acting the same. I’m mostly posting this for a future people who understand me and believe me. I get the sense that this post will also be sabotaged or muted in some way. Thanks for reading, in case we don’t link.

#blm #black lives matter

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all-hail-the-witcher · 4 years

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2 years ago today i made this blog

and now im going to get sappy about it

“And they wondered how long I could keep it up / While I wondered if I'd ever, if I'd ever get enough / And I did some shit I never should've done / I would do it over now, I'd do it over

Shout out to the old me and everything you showed me / Glad you didn't listen when the world was trying to slow me / No one could control me, left my lovers lonely / Had to fuck it up before I really got to know me / All of the mistakes I made, I made, I made, I made / Whatever the price I paid, I paid, I paid, I paid / Shout out to the old me and everything you showed me / Had to fuck it up before I let you get to know me”

two years ago I created this blog. It was the summer going into my senior year of high school. I had planned to hold off making a tumblr account until I got to college, but on this particular night I said “fuck it” and made one. I told myself that I was doing it to see if people would read my writing. I hadn’t shared pretty much anything id written with anyone since middle school and at that point I was considering majoring in creative writing. I had just come up with the idea for spies and wanted to share it with people. I wanted to see if the people who told me I was a good writer were right.

and that's all well and true but recently i realized that there was another reason i made this blog: i was lonely.

the pressure of my senior year of high school made me crack. on paper i was the perfect student, honors societies and aps and college scholarships and all that. but as i trekked from college to college, audition to audition, and did my homework almost exclusively in the backseat of a car, i found myself breaking. to put it mildly, the 17 year old who made this blog was nothing short of an asshole.

unfortunately as a middle schooler i latched onto a fictional character from the mortal instruments: Jace herondale. Jace is an asshole, a terrible person who uses sarcasm as his defense mechanism and projects his trauma onto others. he doesn’t care who he hurts. he doesn’t let himself get close to people because he’s afraid he’s going to hurt them. throughout the series he eventually fixes himself and learns from his mistakes, but I didn’t want that Jace, I wanted book 1 Jace.

he tells this story in the beginning and he ends it with this line that has always stuck with me: “the boy never cried again and he never forgot what he’d learned: that to live is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed”

as my senior year went on i found myself becoming more and more like jace. i pushed people away, stopped talking to pretty much all my friends, and developed an aversion to using the word love. literally. i didn't particularly care who i took down with me or who i hurt in the process because i would be leaving for college and wouldn't have to see anyone ever again. real sound logic that was.

but i still had this blog, this stupid blog that i was never supposed to make. I had the fear of strangers on the internet burned into me as a kid, so I was very very hesitant to do much of anything on this blog except post fan fiction. but as I got more into the fandom, I broke that promise and I started talking to people. all kinds of people, in messages in asks in threads, it didn’t matter. and it made me happy, or as close to happy as i got. i loved talking to people on here, fic planning, posting about dumb shit, writing crack fics, just having fun. and then my blog started getting really big really quickly (something I never have and still don’t understand. what’s so cool about this dump of a blog? please someone tell me) and i found myself wanting to be a better version of myself online. I know it didn’t happen that way all the time. there were many times were I was rude or sarcastic or attention seeking or just a bitch in general on here. but this blog made me want to be better. I wanted to be the person people who followed me thought I was.

at points, this blog was all I had. it was weird, knowing there were people who followed me cared about me, even though I had never met any of them. and that strange feeling of wanting to keep going for my blog held me together for a long time.

obviously im no longer in high school anymore (and thank fuck for that). but recently I realized that I hadn’t actually changed and I was still the same shitty person I had become during the last year of high school, I’d just gotten better at hiding it. i didn't know who i was or who i wanted to be. it was daunting to begin to fix all my many mistakes irl so i started with this blog, making subtle changes on here, allowing myself to be more open, not as short with people, trying to avoid sarcasm all together. and once i was able to do that, it bled over into my real life.

its been a few months of that, and i think im finally starting to like myself as a person again. I feel like I’ve changed. I’m more comfortable with myself. I’m not as much of a bitch anymore. I’m not the person I was before, but I don’t want to be that person. I’ve found pieces of my old self along this journey, but I’ve also found pieces of my new self. for the first time in a really long time, I’m happy. none of that would have happened without this damn blog.

I never expected for this blog to become what it is. firstly, I never expected to have 856 followers. that’s so many people. what in the h e l l?? I never expected people to read a single fucking thing that I wrote. and people have. and they’ve enjoyed them?? that’s wild to me.

but mostly, I never expected this blog to slap some sense into my stupid self. I don’t know where I would be without this blog, and I can say that honestly. over the last two years it’s been an escape, it’s given me purpose, and its been a reminder that I can fix myself. its not the only thing thats helped me though this mess, but it’s been one of the major components. I’m not perfect yet, I know that, but I know I’m better than when I started this blog 2 years ago.

id also like to apologize to anyone on here that i was ever rude to, or hurt with anything i might have said or done. im sorry that the old me didn't understand or care what she was doing. ill do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again.

so thank you to everyone who follows this blog, who’s on my taglist, who’s ever sent me an ask or a dm, and to everyone I ever talked to on here. thank you for reading this mess of a post. it means more to me than you will ever know. i know i hardly ever get sappy on here, but i wanted you all to know what this blog has come to mean to me. I love you all so much. thank you for inspiring me to pick myself back up.

#the lyrics are from old me by 5sos btw #i felt like they applied #sheesh its really been 2 years #feels like forever and no time at all #wild #seriously thank you all for following this dump #im gonna try to post a fic later #if i finish it #i hope i do #also if you made it to the bottom thanks for reading this #its a lot yeah #im not looking for validation i just want to let you all know how and why this blog and the people who follow it mean so much to me

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applekitty · 5 years

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‘game dedede’ is not a good person to ship escargoon with and here’s why

im glad my escargoon analysis resonated with lots of people. i saw some comments on it, which i feel the need to reply to because they’re on my post. a small few comments have been about the main focus of this whole multi paragraph crazed yammering; game dedede

(content warning: i talk about the horror comic killing stalking for four paragraphs. wow i bet this content warning doesn’t give mood whiplash at all)

now, game dedede isn’t much of anything. he’s a non-character, as he has no discernible personality in the games that isn’t really much of anything more than a catalyst for people to project a personality onto. as are all the game characters, because kirby isn’t focused so much on plot and indepth character development as it is about the gameplay. nintendo’s always been good at gameplay, so they have basically stuck to what they’ve known and sprinkled small plot bits around places and entirely discarded anything other than hints personalities so that way they have an excuse for pure gameplay and fun to occur. it’s the same way with mario, and zelda, and usually basically all of their properties. yes, even pokemon, though usually when pokemon gets too plot heavy we get games like sun and moon, which are basically just cutscenes upon cutsc-

what was i talking about? oh, right, game dedede.

game dedede is usually seen by the fandom as a variety of things, but the main one is nice. and by nice i mean he is usually portrayed as someone who is typically valorous and is doing the right thing, not someone who is necessarily pleasant, though some like to make him pleasant or jolly. if you know me or have even been on my blog even once on pc you’ll notice the cool deviantart stamp i got from one of my friends. i fully agree with the things it entails; dedede not being your typical uwu ‘do nothing wrong’ monarch that he’s often now plastered as because he did the whole ‘i help this cat’ in rtdl or because he wanted to keep nightmare from coming out of the fountain in nightmare in dreamland and.. whatever the name was of the game that it was a remake of.

people usually want to be able to root for the protagonist, and since dedede was a protagonist and / or in the right in a few occasions, we want to see him as a good guy doing good guy things. and there’s plenty of different ways to take that, as there’s both evidence for and against him being a morally light character. but that’s not really the point of what i’m talking about here. regardless of your own personal opinion on how ‘game dedede’ morally is, he is not a good person for escargoon to be with. there’s a reason why i said someone should be shipping him with an oc rather than game dedede, and it’s precisely because ‘game dedede’, even if he somehow zapped into the anime verse, would not be good to ship with him.

and it’s not based on chemistry or because game dedede is secretly or openly evil or something like that. it’s purely because escargoon is still a victim of abuse. and if you’re someone with a few braincells you want him to get out of that abuse and go find a new husband who’ll love and care for him. for escargoon to get game dedede seems to make sense at first because escargoon is so devoted to the anime one, but when you look at it, it’s not healthy at all.

this is essentially taking escargoon’s old abuser, wiping away all the ‘sins’ of his character just to make it so escargoon can date him. just so he can date an idealized version of his abuser. this person is quite literally just his abuser but with a mental coat of paint.

allow me to draw comparison.

i’m going to go off here about a comic that i warned about at the top of the post. i’m not going to go too indepth about it due to the sheer nausea i might cause people if i do. it is a rather extreme example sheerly due to the content of said comic, but i can’t think of another better one off the top of my head. there’s a comic named killing stalking which was a big note for socio-political talk i think a few years back. it was a horror comic about a killer and a stalker wherein the murderer takes the stalker in, breaks his legs, and keeps in his house. the stalker, who already had sexual interest in his kidnapper, is abused due to various here and there reasons, and then after a while the comic begins the two’s sexual-romantic yet still abusive relationship. here’s the thing. the two of the characters are both men, so the relationship is gay.

many took to tumblr and various other medias smacking the comic for the display that it created (the comic chock is full of fairly nauseating things that are worth calling disgusting, but are expected of a shock horror comic) and the association it made between gay men and murderers, as well as making gay men look predatory and dangerous. normally said comic wouldn’t have been much of a problem or very noteworthy if it were about a straight pair, but it was about this Evil Gay Murderer Pair, so it was a source of controversy like shit is an attractor of flies.

despite the controversy that the comic had gotten, and the treatment in-canon it had of its characters being very clearly evil and in the wrong and clear deservance of being detracted, something strange happened. not in the comic, but in the people who decided to support said comic. people decided to support it for a number of reasons, one being that ‘oh it’s a horror comic i like horror despite what controversy or effects it may have on people’. i remember seeing it once, on my dashboard, i think. or back in the day when i was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on with this comic that everyone on my dash was just going to town on. people were shipping the two main, gay characters with eachother. and they weren’t doing it in a way that was ‘oh the murderer is so hot look at him in all this blood’ sort of way. it was in a much more.. ‘cozy’ position. it was fluffy. it was shown as cute. at first i thought it was because people were fucking weirdos, but i remember this one caption that has been recalled in perfect paraphrased clarity to me.

‘some people make aus to make their ships more angsty, but i’m out here making mine healthy lol’

people were taking the murderer, the main person who was causing the problems in the comic, and turning him into a loving husband for the stalker (who was shown as very mentally ill and in desperate need of love and attention). people were making the pairing that the comic itself showed as horrifying and awful to be fluffy and cute and devoid of any problems. so that way the victim was no longer hurt. it was an au. the murderer had a new personality, he was a changed man who never hurt anyone, so he was perfect for the stalker. that way, the ship could be had but there would be no issue whatsoever.

and to be quite honest, that’s what we have here. we have an offshoot of that. though obviously the source material is much less dangerous in our case, we still have a victim in desperate need of love in an abusive relationship with someone who hurts them. then, we have people shipping said victim with a new version of that abuser just to wipe the slate clean. just to keep the ship going without anyone objecting to it, because it can all be explained away as an au or what have you. though, i’m sure the ship in killing stalking was very much bashed by people (at least, i hope it was), while this one isn’t.

i can hear my strawman in the replies already going ‘well thanks for the tangent. but ching, game dedede’s a different person. he is legitimately a different canon than anime dedede, meanwhile this is people making things up that the canon doesn’t support. if you dated a twin you won’t apply the sins of the twin on the other one, would you?’ and if this were a real life situation, you’d be correct.

it’d be wrong to place the sins of one twin onto another sheerly because one was an abusive asshole. but since is a real life scenario, putting a victim of abuse back with someone who looks exactly like their abuser would most certainly create extreme fear and panic in that victim. it wouldn’t matter if one of the twins hasn’t done anything, the potential relationship would forever be ruined and it’d be out of their control. and no one, no self respecting person, should ever have a victim date them if they look exactly like said victim’s old abuser. that’s just asking for mental troubles and constant panic attacks.

but that’s if this were real. it’s not real. this is video games and cartoons. it doesn’t come down to that, it comes down to us and what we decide to do, and what we decide to ship. these are not real people. we are putting them together for our own amusement because you’d think they’d get along. and doing this with a ship like this with game dedede says, to me, "I do not care if it is abusive in canon, I want to ship it anyways without any problems or people calling me out, so I’ll make it so people can’t do that by stripping the abuser of their abusive characteristics and make it so this abusive ship is all sunshine and rainbows". this is especially poignant if escargoon is stripped of all his abuse as well, allowing for him to be shipped more easily. it is quite literally going ‘nope’ when one is confronted with the very real trauma of a character and discarding it. don’t get me wrong, some things in canon should be discarded in some sources of entertainment, but a character’s abuse being discarded entirely for the sake of shipping just does not sit well with me.

of course, people who ship it are absolutely not thinking this maliciously when they ship discountdesuka, but that’s what it is irregardless of what they are thinking.

‘game’ dedede / escargoon is a ‘what could’ve been’ situation.

it is an idealized version of dedesuka, one which throws a key aspect of escargoon’s out the door purely for the fluff and the cute gay moments that could’ve been. and sadly enough, it’s probably what escargoon dreams and hopes could happen (which is arguable because escargoon gets suspicious whenever dedede is nice to him), but it never does.

i understand why people do it. i know they don’t have some secret plan to be evil by creating secret abusive content that has hidden messages in it so everyone will ship abusive ships or something ridiculous like that, and if you thought that i thought that you’re very wrong.

in some’s cases (as shown by the tags on my escargoon post), they want to reclaim a relationship which was blatantly homophobic in execution and turn it into something better. others just want a cute ship because their version of ‘game’ dedede is morally better than his anime counterpart, and wouldn’t hurt escargoon. they want to make wholesome content to drown out canon’s shows of abuse and negativity. which is understandable to want, but to show respect to the concepts the show puts out, isn’t something that should be embraced with ‘game’ dedede/escargoon.

but there is no undoing what anime dedede/escargoon is in the show, and what it means to give escargoon over to ‘game’ dedede instead. ‘game’ dedede / escargoon is not abusive by any initial means, but it is still something that should not be shipped regardless.

it is disrespect to escargoon’s status as an abuse victim to ship him with the same exact person who abused him and say it’s okay because ‘he has a different personality’.

i am begging you. please ship escargoon with your oc or some other game character.

#shitpost #kirby #kirby right back at ya #hoshi no kaabi #analysis #it has a tl;dr at the end #bash anime dedede for being 'ooc' (or anything of the like) in the replies and die by my sword

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batdaddies · 5 years

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Madreperola

warnings: explicit content, violence

pairing: orm x reader

about: im rusty, been AGES since my last time writing, tried to post this into orm tag for three times now, hope now works, after you are done and still want more, leave a prompt at my askbox, i need some more orm around, patrick wilson killed and now i should write kinky smuts about the ex-king of atlantis, this is not that kinky yet, kinda wanted, kinda dont, whatever, the whole Y/N looks funny because I made it into a scenario in an extra page on my tumblr that you can actually insert your name into it, but it wasnt working so yeah, i just wanted to post it so i can write another one. You are not a surface dweller, you are a badass atlantis warrior, a lot of canon made by myself, sorry. Enjoy!

MADREPÉROLA - MOTHER OF PEARLS

Orm is made out of duties, ideas, strength, pain and pieces of a man who once thought he could die alone.

EYES

They were cheering, loud within the dense water, they had music, excited with drums and bubbles around the instruments. Atlantis was painted of those sparkling jellyfishes all around, all the citizens with hands up, waving. Happiness was a strange feeling, how deeply it was, he had been going around for some minutes now, and everytime his eyes flashed around the faces of his people, the smiles were pure, how could they not notice the way his father’s hand on his mother was a little too hard? Were they not seeing through, was it too dark? How could they not see their smiles didn’t match their eyes?

He could sense on his skin, the hair on his arms, right under his royal armour, his hands holding the ropes with a tiny shake. The image of his mother yelling, back and forth with his father had been disturbing; he could hear from the corridor, a strong impulse and he was by the door, opening just to see her beautiful form on the floor, the silver trident on her hands, pointing into his father’s neck, who had his own trident against her belly. They all shared a quiet stare between, his mother soon being the first to give up, she had called his name, throwing the trident behind her, a sign of peace for the time, she didn’t try to explain anything, instead her long arms circulated his torso with care, love. But he was stuck with the situation, with his parents obviously fighting, hard, to the point of fists. His father spoke first.

“Tell him, Atlanta,” the voice husky, dark, capable of investing fear in any being under the seas. The wrinkles on his eyes showed the age, showed the tiredness, the madness, and the hard pupils, they were black unlike his own, his traces only from his mother. A trembling hand came for his mother's back, holding her to protect her, to protect both, specially himself from that tone. “Tell him about your time in the surface…”

His mother pulled him out of the room in that same minute, feet pushing the water, mouth rushing his concerns, not that she actually could, however she tried, whispered what she normally did. Don’t listen to your father. You know he is out of his mind. I love you so much. A help with his hair, a kiss on his head, and they were separated for the parade. He watched his father soon joining him with the soldiers behind, the tridents on hands, watched how he whispered something into her ear before impulsing her trident to her hand so she could have, they all sat down on the animals. He had a shark for once he was young, small, only a prince. His father and mother in front of him, on a pedestal on top of a tylosaurus.

The parade was for pride, the kingdoms together for the solemn purpose of existing after the Great Fall. The royal families, the respected generals and war heros, all lined up to celebrate another year. Atlantis was first of course, the Xebellians behind, followed by the Fishermen, and the Brine. The occasion was peaceful, for what Orm wasn’t in peace at all, he wasn’t a man yet, couldn’t understand the factors of marriage, couldn’t let go of the incident, he was smiling at least, because at some point his father turned behind to take a look, and his lips moved. Smile. As his king wished, he did, an order he wasn’t exactly fulfilling, the white teeth where showing, his mouth opened, but it was crooked, and fake. So lost inside his own head, inside his own thoughts.

Focus! Focus! The voice inside yelled at himself, what kind of Prince he would be if he couldn’t complete his duty? When he finally took his eyes off his father’s grip on his mother’s hands, they averted to the side, searching on the crowd a will to go through all that. All the faces, all the shouts. Nothing. He felt nothing. Until his head moved up, and there, far away, on the higher platform for important, high-borns families, on the privilege views. Someone who had the same serious face as him, unbothered gaze, hair swimming, adorning the shape of her cheeks like a crown with a gold ornament on the side, the lips closed on the rigid line of her jawline. She wore purple and suited her well.

Orm tried to recall when he had seen her before, failing. A strange face. But she was sitting somewhere he would known everybody. By the sides, a man and a woman, he also tried to recall their faces, nothing yet. She entertained his stare until the platform was left behind, until his neck couldn’t turn anymore to watch her.

Seemed there were actually two sad atlanteans that day.

EARS

Once, the worst part of his birthdays was his mother, not herself. Not her caring, soft hands, or her hugs, or kisses. Not her smile. Not her blue eyes. Not the blond hair swinging in the entire room in pretty waves. Her absence. The first year without her presence was disturbing, the second was awful, and the third was fading. It was a shame to say, Orm didn’t remember her that well, now. Some years had passed, along memories, and longing. Sometimes he was ashamed to say he didn’t think of her that much, the grieving had a funny way with him, he was locked away in his own room for days, yet no tears. His father had kept the secret until the very last moment, he didn’t know what was happening until the trench was close enough, besides the entire kingdom knowing, he was oblivious, seemed his father had even funnier ways to mess with him.

Forced to look, forced to watch, and fight against his own mother being sacrificed, she had shouted for him, and Orm had yelled back, but his father was stronger, he was right there, holding him still, hands on his biceps, face on his ears, like a spirit from the past, he felt the lips on his earlobe. A bastard. He stopped immediately, shocked, body failing to keep fighting. The bastard. His senses numbed as she was slowly disappearing from his sight. She had a half-breed, treason.

For months, he didn’t know if he was grieving his mother, or her secret. A powerful queen like herself, to subjugate, accept, cohabit with a human… She had lost her mind, yet the more he thought about it, the more he lost his. The thin line of love, and obeying was starting to fade. The King’s speeches were beginning to make sense, the new ideas of a different future were settling right inside his brain, almost able to recite them one by one, the strongest was the King’s wish to make Orm Marius the best yet. The whole attention, devotion and energy should be spent on his training, on his lessons, on Atlantis that had been suffering with the surface for decades. It was showing then, Orm was becoming the man his father wanted him to be, who took pride on the pure-blood son one day not being only a great king, but a dangerous threat to his enemies.

That year was even decided there was no party, Orm needed to train, needed to study; the only thing it happening was people bringing gifts. He didn’t want that neither, but the King said this costum couldn’t stop, it was necessary. They needed to be spoiled, they needed to be known, to be superior. Vulko was on his right, while the King was on the throne, he was just floating in the warm water in the room, his hands together in front of his torso that was getting bigger, a shape of broad shoulders. He wasn’t small anymore, maybe still young, but not that young, not that innocent. If anything, Orm’s blue bright eyes had a colder shine, the traces on his skin starting to look more like his father than his mother.

“And this is the family of Y/L/N,” Vulko’s voice was distance, low, only for him to hear. “Their ancestors served the crown once, before the second war, they were habitating in Xebel, but decided to come back to Atlantis now the patriarch is dead.”

A woman and a girl were swimming close, stopping to greet. Who he judge as the mother was carrying a box with an aquamarine as lock, the attire of same shade, silver bracelets and a kind smile.

She was placing in front of him with the pile of many others, but he never saw her doing so, instead, he was intrigued by the weapon the daughter was holding, dark grey, utterly curvy on the edges which were five, the handle adorned by arabesques circulating until the extremes along the battle marks, seemed old, however powerful. The girl held it with a straight posture, a warrior. Different from what he reminded, but it was her, he was sure. Purple dressed her too well. The hair had four or six braids floating around her face, much like a halo, adorning the cheekbones, the still rigid jawline, and still hard lips. Her eyebrows were up high, pearls on top of them, matching the color of her eyes. And this time, the purple was tight, admitting both of them had grown up, the cleavage was revealing her popping clavicules, the extra skin of her breasts, the curves continuing to her waist, and hips. Almost a completely woman. An attractive woman.

“You bear a trident,” he stated to her, blankly, forgetting to thank for the gift. His face with no emotions, but it didn’t mean the shiver he felt in his spine wasn’t there, a trickling feeling on his skin that Orm couldn’t name it. It was somehow disrespectful, like a question, taking off her right to carry it.

Her left eyebrow lifted even higher, pearls sparkling along in shades of green, purple and yellow, the trident suffered a whirl, and a thug on the ground, sound echoing, “it belonged to my great grandfather, he fought in the war, died for Atlantis.”

The voice match her looks, daring, a reckon, the water danced on her tone, which meant she was not intimidated by him, ready to prove she was worthy of carrying it. A strong presence with a strong sound, even she was smaller than him, not passing his chest for a fact. All the lessons of reading the opponent was handy in a moment like this, her body language was of someone always alert, someone confident, her breathing was calm, indeed not caring who she was facing. The Prince Of Atlantis. She’d be a good adversary.

“Were you trained with it?” the question now didn’t have any second intentions, rather just curiosity. His face finally moved, just a curl of lips, a blink of lashes, and the feeling stopped by his neck, where his hair was standing on the ends.

“By my own father who had it before me,” she said, noticing his icy eyes were staring down at her, a little movement of her feet, floating higher to fix it. They were on the same level, in an uncomfortable silence, if any noticed, the others accompanying them were alert.

“Good,” Orm said, with a nod of his head. “One day may Atlantis need you as a soldier.”

“My honor, Your Highness,” her tongue hit the back of her upper teeth when talking, which he saw slowly, the feeling going down his shoulders, under the armour, to his hands, the tip of his fingers. It didn’t fade until she turned and left the room, legs swinging in the water with her mother by her side.

The day remained boring, nothing pleasing Orm, neither the training later, or the studies, for what his mind couldn’t stop remembering itself of a purple attire, a trident, and a ringing voice.

My honor.

My honor...

Your highness...

NOSE

The passages of his life were made of deaths, every critical decision, every choice given, every chance made only after losing a life. Queen Atlanna had been sacrificed, only then he was able to decide who he wanted to be, a traitor like his mother or a powerful king like his father, he decided to be none, to be better, to be the best in every way he could. Accomplished. The King Orvax had died, only then he was able to rise to his purpose, finally giving him the freedom of being just a Prince; the chance of serving his people, of succeeding his plans for the future. For what, Orm wanted to great, a legend perhaps, there was no insecurities for the throne, no doubts of himself, he knew he could, he knew he would, Atlantis wouldn’t know a better King.

Sometimes, Orm would even forget he was a man of needs. Yet the truth always found a way to slap his face, shouting to be recognize, yelling louder than he ever could.

It wasn’t a subject his father spoke with him about, he was just given a wife and nothing else. Mera, the xebelian. It was a deal, an arrange, and Orm had grown up with her for far too long to know he wasn’t able to love her, he could respect, offer his loyalty, be a good husband, but never love. She was beautiful, he knew, he always did, since they were kids in the adventures through the oceans, when the lights hit her just right, her long red hair waving, she was pleasing to look at, but something was lacking, something was off. Love wasn’t made of attractive faces or colorful hairs. Indeed, Orm believed he wasn’t capable of love. His biggest duty was to Atlantis, to its preservation, to its protection.

Mera felt the same, he knew. She would never love him. They had consideration for each other, it was even good on a side to have her as a future wife, he wouldn’t pretend to be somebody to gain her admiration, she wouldn’t force herself into a unhappy marriage with somebody else. At least, they were friends when young, and time only could help them to have an heir, as he hoped. Because it was issue he decided to mind after the marriage, after the ceremony, when it in fact happened, not now when they are only betrothed: touching her. She didn’t excite him. He didn’t fantasized about her. Rarely were the times he actually fantasize about a woman, even when it happened, his body curling in his bed, the water dense on his torso, thick on his lungs, and the spasms asking for it, there was not a face, or a body, it was just the feeling. Sometimes he would close his eyes and think of purple. Sometimes he would force himself to fight the feeling away.

Vulko tried to talk to him about that subject, voice taken back, an apprehension on how to approach such matters. Orm stopped him, noticing what that was about. “I am not an animal, this alone should be enough for your concerns.”

It did had a toll on him lately, when his young years were gone, and Orm was what others would call proper age. His body at its peak, his physical appearance established, and the looks it brought to him. The servants passing by, their pupils heavy under the lashes, not reaching his own gaze because that would be reaching, but piercing through the armours, on his neck, and lips. They would be intense when it was time to train, when his body was left to feel the water without barriers, they usually had his armour on hands, or food, or bars when it was time for a new lesson. His feet felt the ground under, his torso circulated in cold water, fighting. The muscles lines were changing according to his moviments, too many of them, back, abdomen, arms, chest, all the stares on him. Orm felt he was giving a show, not training. When it was time to try the bars, the servant came with a bowed body, delicate hands offering the new instruments of battle, and his hand lingered against hers to get it. She moved her head to him, the hair moving in the way, able to cover her entire face but an eye. Desire.

That night had been hard to get through, he wanted it. He needed it. Skin twisting in his bed, the water gaining a new temperature his body failed to adjust to, his neck couldn’t even shallow it properly. It was the first time desire won against him, he thought about searching for her, but what humiliation would be for a Prince around hallways, impulsing himself to seek a servant for satisfaction. He couldn’t sleep, the pain on his lower abdomen asking for release, for the torture he putted himself through, his mind didn’t focus on any other matters besides an atlantean’s body.

His journey through this path had been somewhat disturbing after that, women knowledge his presence, his beauty, his appeal of a sleek blond hair with big, blue eyes, a straight nose and a rigid jawline. He discovered what he liked as well, what made him ask for more, not many times, maybe just three or four, enough for him to be satisfied for months, or years, they were usually high-borns, discreeted, not interested in stealing him for his duty, rather having a night with Prince Orm while they could. He always felt bad after, dressing himself and his mind going for Mera, felt like a betraying act. Guilt overcame pleasure easily after.

But the ironies of life were much deeper than his oceans, even with his future wife by his side, so close to him, sensing the water running through her mouth, nose, and lungs, he couldn’t control the desire when it drowned him, it started as an impulse in the back of neck, growing into a itching on his palms, to a tightness on his stomach. The surprise made him lean forward, eyes wide, a predator watching.

She came dashing in whirls, the bubbles forming a tail behind her feet, the tip of her trident ripping the water, and she stopped, arms opening, trident rising on top of her head, the armour was composed of hard golden scales on the shoulders falling through her breasts and hips, her feet had the protection boots coming to her knees, under of course, as usual, the purple hugging her curves. The braids on her hair this time were the ones for war, from the roots of her forehead to the back where they were loose, no helmet, but a huge choker on her neck, with pointed ends curling out of her face. She shouted with the crowd, they cheered for her, they loved their champion. To savour her congratulations, the body swag around the platforms, trident in circles, everybody had their hands up, and she was rising. Until she stopped again, higher, close to the Royals.

Orm regretted missing the battles, he had better matters to attend to, but his presence in the deliver of the medal to the champion was important, only he could deliver it, when his vizier said the champion that year was a she, he never thought that she was the one, he should have known, all his years and she was the only he could recall who had a trident, and was willing to take it to battle. Also, he regretted not participating that year, he would be very pleased to fight against her, test to see what she was capable of. Of course much, for what she had won.

Closer, it was easier to see the scratches on her armour, only a glove on her right hand, the left with blood floating in tiny bubbles, the bruise on her cheek, a line of red between purple and green, but she was fenomenal, the posture straight, not losing the high class, her beauty had grow older just as his. The traces of her nose and lips were softer, those are a shade of red almost purple, and her eyes batted against the top of her cheeks in long, thick curtains of lashes, the height hasn’t improved though, still smaller, and Orm couldn’t describe exactly what he felt when she entered the platform, pushing herself to the ground, kneeling with her entire being, trident resting on both hands, and hair in waves. It was desire, so much desire the water around him became heavy, a pressure on his shoulder he hadn’t ever felt before.

“Your Highness,” she greeted still bowing for him, fulfilling his memories of her voice, Orm had dreamt of it once, or twice, perhaps more times he wanted to admit, and the electricity inside his veins almost choked his voice out to answer.

Mera or Vulko none existed by his side, or the crowd, or the cheering. Only the atlantean kneeling for her King, offering him her trident, paying her respects. Orm held the medal high, swinging his legs to stop by her front.

“My champion,” his voice was raw, and she looked up to his cold eyes, an abyss of darkness, her lips twisted, but in what he identificate as his effect on the opposite sex, and Orm knew right away he could touch her face and she would let him, but he didn’t, not because he didn’t want to, but because she had the right to obtain what she came for. His hands switched quickly and the pearls around the medal fell from her head into her neck, until it rested between the choker and the armour. “Congratulations.”

She finally stood up, and Orm had been so close, the threads of her hair waved close to his face on the movement, almost a caress on his nose, she smelled of the deep currents when they pass the lava and the texture of both were meet in the fire and water, of fresh seaweed in the old city, sweet like battle, like duty. He was private, he was against any public touch, yet the King himself drowned in that smelled and wished to take her right there, uncover her curves, learn about her flesh, and listen to the graceful music her sounds would be on the water. He didn’t fantasize, yet he was, flashing question of what she liked, of how she was once nude, if she had another men in her bed, lost in the color of her eyes, in the halo of her hair, in the fierce beauty. Behind her glory class, he also saw the imagination flowing, of him, his lips, his hands, his body.

“I must know your name,” his upper lip, slightly meatier than the lower, moved and caught her gazing. For the Gods, Orm wanted her.

“Y/N, I—” she whispered slowly, fixed on the mouth, but was interrupted by Vulko, carried the King’s trident to him, Orm woke up from the tantalizing moment when the cane was presented.

“It was one of the best battles I've ever seen,” he said, cheerful, letting the heaviness of the trident fall on Orm’s hands.

“Thank you,” she bowed again, and Orm wished she didn’t, not for anybody else, only himself.

“Go present Atlantis your medal, champion,” he sent her away with good intentions. Go feel your glory. To what she nodded, with a last look at her handsome King, heavy lids, heavy heart, then Orm smiled, a malicious manner, corner of his lips rising, no teeth, superior to all.

Y/N circulated in the ocean, the trident shining, the crowd cheering even more with the medal adorning her neck, and Orm was left with his vizier, with his betrothed, and the unspoken understatement, both knew what it meant, and it was enough. She would come back for him, he just had to wait.

That night, desired had won, and Orm didn’t fight against it, closing his lids and thinking of the smell of her hair.

MOUTH

Orm would never forget the first time he laid his lips on hers, Y/N had a tight grip on his golden armour, nails crawling up between the scales to find any piece of skin she could, it was more a press than a kiss, strong for what both wanted to feel for too long, desperated. They were soft, so soft, and so eager for him, there was no space for anything else as he held her head with his both hands, prisioning the hair between his gloves, pulling her closer if possible. But Orm wanted more, always.

His life was made of conquering, of ruling, they were his first extinct. The times in the past when the shivers in his spine passed through when seeing her were nothing compared to the hammering urge to own her. To be owned by her.

Y/N had parted the lips, her tongue advertising between in hunger, licking his mouth, and inviting his own to taste it. Her flavour was of warm waters, of longing, of desire, and pleasure. Of betrayal, of treason, of unloyalty, and guilt. A perfect mixture of everything Orm had been craving for his life. They kissed as two creatures, humming into each other as battling for more, for survival, knowing they didn’t have time to go slow, to take it somewhere. They only had that moment, and it had to be enough. His teeth came for her lips, crashing down on the lower one as his hands pulled her head back, wanting to both have her and destroy her.

I am not an animal, he had said to his vizier. But the lines of desires were blurred, Orm couldn’t recognize himself when his teeth bit into her neck, the flesh gently bending over, the veins pumping blood under his mercy, and she moaned, body pressing on his armour, pushing her into his torso. Orm lost it then. The first sound of her was the same as winning, the thrill of it. He was addicted to that, to devour her. He knew he whispered something into her ear as his hands helped her to strip himself from the armour, from the crown, groaning when her fingers ran on the muscles on his back, unplugging the attire, that fell on water and then the ground. Her purple attire was torn before she could have the chance to undress herself to him, Orm had grabbed the sides and pulled hard, for he couldn’t wait to touch her skin.

The curves were a sight to touch, the rough hands squeezing her being with want, too fast to remember, enough to feel, they filled with her breasts, then her hips, and his mouth joined, kissing and biting the way down. He had her laid on his own bed, the King’s bed. Almost a Queen. He drowned under her, on the edge of the bed, his tongue discovering her real taste as she wished. Orm could stay there forever, watching her swishing her hips harder on his face, the warrior strength forcing him deeper. Her moans were delicious, outraged, feeling his tongue entering, her eyes had searched for him, watching his tongue licking all the way from the crack, to the entrance to the point of pleasure. Orm sucked her intimacy with his opened, and was also able to watch the effect it had on her face, the eyebrows high, the flashing of color on the cheeks, and the pearls adorning their bones, sparkling. His thumbs seeked into her, opening the lower lips for more. He wanted more. He wanted everything.

The orgasm took a time, showing Orm both she had been done this before and she was not shy. Her feet stopped on his back, the jewelry on her ankles scratching his muscles, serving the support to thrust her hips toward him, and she rolled them many times, moaning his name, sucking water, loud and needy. Orm ate her up, helped her to the limit, took her there and admired the beauty in an atlantean’s cry. Her back curling, hands messing the bed and chest expanding His arms held her entirely, thighs, waist, ass, the skin hot, delicious. Y/N grabbed him immediately by the shoulders, eyes blinded by carnal thoughts, and kissed his lips, impulsing herself into his lap. They were sitting the floor then, and she cried again, the suffocating stretch for her King. He was big, thick, pulsing. Clutching into her back as the groan left his throat, she was tight, and wet; different from the sea, dense, heavenly.

No rhythm, no nice and easy pace. Orm groaned on her lips as rode, hands squeezing her back, pulling her hair, eating her moans, and cries like he had been starving. The breasts rubbed on his chests, the nipples hard, the thighs hitting against his own, and tides of water circulating them. At some point, he took control on the moviments, stiffening her body still, thrusting up into her. Y/N had let go then, nails digging behind on his knees, and back curled in the way her breasts followed his control. A hand came for her neck. Orm gave it a light thug to make it noticed, and didn’t know who enjoyed it more. Him, feeling her veins and the shape of it, or her, rolling her eyes and crying for her King.

Beg for me. He managed to let out, between all the mixture of emotions, all the creatures actions. Beg. And before she could, his feet pushed the floor, they ended on the wall, Y/N was turned and her head rested there. Give me the pleasure again, Your Majesty. She said, overwhelmed by him, their legs circulated together and they held on the glass. The sea outside with the purple and pink lights, gardens of seaweeds, corals, and Y/N inside offered herself to him, a tilt of waist. Make me worthy. Orm invaded her again with power, hitting her hips on the glass with a sound overflowing the room. He held her neck, disappearing his face into her hair, smelling the freshness, the sweetness, taking her from behind with the same strength he used to fight with. She accepted, she wanted it, she could take it. Muffed pushes into the wall with their many others noises, the fleshes of both collapsing into each other, easily mistaken as they could become one, and Orm never felt like that before. Fulfilled. Her lips caught him in ways he had never been kissed before, her body engulfed him in ways he had never been touched before; she was a beast of domination, and the track of who was the one in control faded, of course he gave orders and she listened, however how could he be sure she wasn’t exactly doing what she needed to do to make him follow the path she wanted?

They had each other for hours, and hours, Y/N had been bending for him in every position, and Orm had worn himself out in her arms. Their bodies floated around the room, back to his bed, Y/N on her knees and elbows, on the table with holographic lights that reflect on her skin in colorful maps and letters as she once again managed to get on top, terrifyingly holding his neck, laying on water, on the ceiling, soaring on the sides, clapping on the white material. He had come undone four times with her that night, stamina dripping from the pores, dancing between them in the drift, and Y/N wasn’t done, not yet. Laid on his chest, kissed his muscles and let his fingers entry her core, there was nothing left to do, but watch the perfection of how luxury stripped on her face. It was the moment he saw the future of wanting it again, searching for her again. And for the first time in a night of betrayal, Orm didn’t feel guilty. Instead, he felt peace, closed his lids and explored dreamlands.

Many were the nights Orm passed through the guards on the palace and dived into the dark, using the ruins of the Old City to arrive at her home, more times than he would like to admit. His emotions were always the same, every time seemed the first time. Y/N would greet him into her chambers, they would kiss and succumb into each other greatly, like warriors waiting for battles. She would wear purple, blue and even white; some nights the pearls on her face were on top of her cheekbones, highlighting the sea, some nights on the back of her hand, embellished into the dress, some nights her hair was braided from the roots, not letting him touch it, some nights she would wear diademas of precious stones, and gold. And some nights Orm wasn’t a creature, neither was she. Some nights he would trace her features with his finger tips before a kiss, some nights he would talk, of the throne, of Atlantis, of destiny, of her.

She was far more interesting than he could imagine. Her family came from a line of high borns since before the Great Fall, her great grandfather became one of the King’s vizier at his lifetime, but died in the second war, the trident was a gift passing through generations, her descendants were always proud of it, making the tradition of every heir being trained, guided to, when the Crown needed, they would fight by again. Her mother was from Xebel Royalty, what could and would explain when her fingers moved in circles creating bubbles and weak currents, however not always, she was quite unsure of it. Y/N was trained and educated there, coming to Atlantis when her father died, and her mother insisted she finished her training where he finished his own. His last words were be brave, and never ashamed. Before that, the only time she had been to Atlantis was on the celebration, the parade, many years ago when Orm remembered as the first time he saw her, sadness locked on her lips. He enjoyed the opportunity to ask why then, and her words trailed off, confessing she had an older brother, who by right, would be the one trained with the trident, and he was until he decided to swim too close to the surface, and never came back, Orm remembered his mother for a second, and it faded. Y/N was filling his space when the trident were passed to her, at the beginning, never seemed good, her father pushed to much, compared too much, she preferred the spells, preferred learning about the water, plants; after his death was the moment she stopped practicing the gifts from her mother, to honor him, it was her passion now. That night, they didn’t have any intimacy, Orm slept on her chest with her fingers curling his blond hair, most of his armour still on. A feeling easily to get addicted to.

“13,” her voice was quiet, as if telling a secret, the ringing a massage on his ears, he turned his face and felt her soft lips touching his cheek, they formed a smile. The fingers on his rib cage were gently tracing a scar there, the skin was rough unlike the rest of his torso, the muscles flexed in a shiver when only the long nail finished the drawing, obviously she referred to it. “I counted, you have 13.”

Silence.

It had been one of those night, where just lay together was enough, the warmth of somebody else’s body to press against was what he craved. He was nude for what Y/N had took his armour off piece by piece, unplugged his attire from behind and left a trace of kisses his spine. Orm floated on her silky sheets and she sat by the edge, admiring his bare beauty.

“Kiss me,” Orm said, his tone the same husky, grave, intimidating kind he used to give orders to General Murk, on his eyes, there was an abyss of coldness, the blue not transmitting any emotion, however his upper lip curled, asking for hers, and Y/N trailed off to accomplish, wondering if it was the closer her King ever got to ask for something.

She sealed his mouth with a first peck, then a second, and a third when the ends of her hair decided to play along his cheeks, until Orm had with her games, the tip of his tongue coming to line the shape of her bottom lip, calmly entering between the teeth, licking the inside inviting her to follow, and Melissa did, kissed him like promising to break him into pieces.

MIND

The yells came from outside, not perceived exactly what, seemed more of roars of sea beasts, and soon, knocks on the walls, loud thugs happening closer and closer to the entrance, then guns, the shots took always echoed of metal on the end causing everybody in the room alarmed into a group of protection, the guards pointing and waiting for the riot reach them while Murk and Vulko impulsed into a barrier for their King, who, for the sake of his own good, wielded his trident, and floated in a higher level, the black cape hem waving in water, covering the vision of Atlantis behind the huge glass. A final thug when the last guard outside bumped into the ground unconscious and, with the body light, stopped into the water, arms opened.

When she came, which he expected her to, she wasn't the type to be tamed down, her trident came first, the five edges crushing the fiber the door was, her body seen finally, the curves wrapped up in a gray suit, the boots had the famous scales of an armour, in the same of shade of white she cared on the scales of her shoulders, her hair whipped with the strength her arms up her head, the fingers were interlaced holding the weapon on the middle; the usual pearls where forgotten in the bubbles, disconnecting from the skin, her jawline was a rigid line along the lips, showing the ranger of her teeth, and the eyes… Oh, her eyes were revenge, demanding blood, they were never this insane before. Her biceps recoiled with the trident, and from her throat, they all heard her roaring, when in a first succeed try, the prongs breached the fiber isolation.

“Do not let her pass!” Murk shouted, sword ready to be used, but before the guards could follow, the trident entered the hole, twisted into a straight line and pulled back, having both of their heads bumped against the walls by the necks on the cane. The general was about to attack when, the last three remained noticed the same eyes asking for war were red, and bubbles of tears formed in the threads of her calm path to the middle where they were found.

Y/N stared at him, trident ceasing by the side, loose on her palm. She stared at his blond hair free in the water with the crown of a King, at his rosy lips that had no smiles for that specific moment, at the broad shoulders carrying the whole kingdom upon, and at the blue eyes, where she found nothing, no care, no compassion, no pity, no empathy, just a freezing immensity the Seven Seas could envy its depth. His posture was unbreakable, risen up above her, taller, stronger, with no mercy.

Orm saw on her face the confusion going through her ideas of to say, he knew when she was thinking, her lids blinked fast, he saw her sucking of water through the mouth, she was also out of herself. It wouldn’t be easy to invade a royal ship, all the degrees to finally reach him would cause even exhaustion on the most praised soldier, what was impossible in fact for her was just another task. He had to admit though, he expected her to come to him alone, somehow in private, not that way, not in an one atlantean crusade.

Her hand unlocked a plug from her silver belt, throwing it at his feet, the object a red flashing message. It had been sent last night, at her home, right at her by a soldier who didn’t identify as anybody, simply leaving it and going away.

“A year,” she started, voice trembling in both anger, and sadness, minding not at all Vulko or Murk glaring at her. “A full year and can’t my King at least deliver the news himself with me?”

There were seconds of anticipation, and waiting, when Orm spoke, it was in a misery. “I do not wish to see your face no more. Wasn’t I clear?”

“Orm…” she pleaded, intimacy wearing off in her, the old, caring way she’d greet him at her chambers, waiting for talks, waiting for kisses.

“Your Majesty!” she was corrected by Murk, who snarled with the scar on his face twisting in disgust.

Y/N left a single sick laugh, from the redness of her eyes, bubbles kept falling. “Of course, Your Majesty. I demand an explanation.”

“Leave,” Orm commanded, tone higher, mouth opened in anger, the teeth rangering, and his trident touched the ground under his feet in a warning. The shock on her eyes was not mistaken, she was about to pronounce herself again, but he stopped her, “Leave!”

It was her turn to impulse herself up, eyes on the same level as his, separated only by the vizier and the sword pointed at her waist, and her trident gave the same thug on the floor, for now her face were only anger. “I will not!”

Orm swimmed through the barrier of the two in a motion of arms and floated by her front, close enough he could see there were only three pearls left on top of one eyebrow, and only one on the other, the shine of her cheeks, the beauty of her traces which were harsh at glaring back at him, and could almost feel the softness of her lips. He was glad she came this way, it was easier to send her away in front of others.

The edge of his weapon trinkled in the movement of elapsing it to her neck, a real threat.

“It was an order,” his tongue clicked in every word, unforgiving, the voice raw and collected again.

Y/N blinked slowly, looking down at the edges on her trough, not being able to hold the strong posture any longer, when her pupils stared back, defeated, she whispered. “What was I to you?”

Orm didn’t expect it, there was not something he had prepared for before, his lungs had a tighter grip on their own, the water was too thick for the second, and he gulped, not answering.

Everything.

It was the real reason he had to leave, not for the lack of interest, or for what she could possible think of, no. Not at all. By the Gods, Orm didn’t wish for it. But, six nights ago, when he found himself between her arms and legs, gaining her comfort, he longed for what he didn’t know what.

A lie, he did. Orm longed of her eyes every morning, staring back at him on his bed, longed of her voice calling his name in the afternoon, longed of her smell when he was sitting on his throne, longed of her lips, kissing him at nights. He longed for her profoundly, feeling home only into her arms, feeling freedom only when she was close. It was new, the seconds counted to meet her, to lost himself into her, the way his body begged for her in the nights he was away. In that same moment, Orm thought for a minimum amount of time of a life with her, of how could be to have her as his Queen, present her as his, and valued as hers. Fantasized about not only for that, but much more. Showing her the other kingdoms she didn’t know, allowing her study knowledgement available only for a Queen, swimming the rest of the seas together, helping Atlantis to grow.

The day next to when it happened, Mera and her father had been with him for a mere hour, to discuss matters of Xebel. Her red hair coloring a guilt, a mirror Orm saw his own reflection as his mother. Treason, he repeated at himself. Traitor, he accused himself. Because he was ready to break the deal with the King Nereus, for his own sake, forget the huge plans he had for his people, for their future, he did not wish a betrothed, and he was ready to put his own kingdom at risk for it. Then he knew he had to leave Y/N before doing so, even if in the back of his mind, the vision of his father and mother fighting each other flashed non stop.

What was worst? A loveless marriage or two kingdoms splitting to fail the Rise of Atlantis?

Loveless.

Orm thought he was not able to, he thought it would never come to him, however there were her, the prove. He didn’t know sadness like that until she gave up, trident floating by itself in front of him and left, swimming away. In his chest, a heart he had dedicated only for Atlantis, arching.

His life had never been the same since then, but a Great King would never let life distract him from the duty.

HEART

“Orm,” his mother called, the long hair a whole wave of blond in the very clean room, her voice sweet and delicate. It felt strange in the beginning, it seemed more of a mirage, a memory lost in years, the point between dreams and sleeping where it was blurry to tell the difference, until her hands came in a gentle touch, to hold and hug, it was when the point of real reached higher than dreams and she was there. There. Alive and well.

He was quiet, not for ignorance, but for the animal on the other side of the glass, the small turtle was the first to appear that week, it was the season of year the higher water changed the temperature and fishes were claiming for the warmth, traveling from another part of the sea. It was utterly tiny, and it swang in a circle, legs clapping bubbles, definitely showing off to him for what he was close, the fingertips touched where the turtle was, in an attempt to reach it somehow. A small sound to communicate with him, and it spinned again. There was envy spreading inside his chest when seeing it, floating free beyond those clear walls where he was trapped with only a bed to rest, and a view to mourgue.

“Orm,” she called again, still calmly, noticing what had happened. Months had gone by since the last time he was able to swim in open sea and of course, he would miss it. Her son turned his head, ears in her direction, but not the eyes, still locked with the friendly turtle, one of the only companion he had in days.

Of course, Atlanna would come almost everyday to see him, informing when she would be gone for more than two days, she didn’t say the reason, yet it was obvious it had to do with the human on the surface. Mera came twice only, said very little, for what her eyes had a sense of shyness when seeing his state, then she had come to say sorry, and was asked to never come again, pity was not something he wanted to hear. Vulko came after a long time, both not having any words for each other, it was out of consideration for before, when he was young and knew better. Arthur never came.

“Yes, mother?” Orm profered, quietly. Hand falling at his side, and feet switched in, slow, almost not moving, small inches above the floor. The boots he wore were black, a special shade reflecting the coral lights, and on the ends by his calves, a detail in blue contrasting with the white suit adorning his body, no hardness of armour, no jewelry on the shoulders, the ordinary kind, the ones that, when the light hit right, sprinkled baby blue on the scales texture.

“I took liberty to go into your bedroom,” she started, cautiously, making him turn complete at her over his shoulders, the once rough features of his face were nothing more than plain now, emotionless like the last months had dragged the life out of them, they were still ever so breathtaking, just lacking even the slight feeling to prove he was not dead inside.

As a mother, she wanted to find something, could be anger, could be pain, could be failure, anything she could use to help him heal, would be easier to know what Orm was thinking and feeling when she wanted to talk, but he was a barrier, one of the strongest, like the bridge outside Atlantis, surviving decades with no moving, in the ruins of once a empire. She had heard stories of Orm as a King, not about the war against the surface, the other ones, how he helped the technological advance in their soldiers, the study of the new plants presented in the capital, and news philosophies for their culture, the people had an enormous respect for him, an intimate relationship for what he was always watching his kingdom close. His ideas of change, of growth was supported by them all, Atlantis joined him in the attack on the Brine without second thoughts, and there were the whispers around.

King Orm. King Orm. The real King Orm. He still had support, for what Arthur had the Atlan’s trident, however was oblivious in a degree to Atlantis, to the people, and the costumes, for what Orm had grown up in those waters, under the kingdom’s eyes, won championships with them as a crowd, built new places, expanded the homes and knowledges, and gave a hope of saving their children, once for all. She wondered if Orm knew he was forgiven, not by the Fishermen, but by Atlantis and Xebel, and by his brother. Wondered if he knew the agitations presented in the few last weeks outside his cell was not just guards yelling at each other by another prisoner’s fault, it was in fact a failed attempt of freeing him.

Little they knew, Orm didn’t wish to be rescued, at least that Atlanna knew, because when she brought him some spare suits and some holograms to read through, he dismissed, saying he was just like any other in those prisoners cells, then shouldn’t be treated specially. The only favor he accepted was the window to the depth of the sea, to remember, to still have the contact with the land he was trying to protect. And to remember, that part of him who failed, lost his throne, hundreds of soldiers, his betrothed, and his glory.

“Mother, I told you I do not want special treatment,” he said, the last bit of hoping of making her understand, he wasn’t rude, however definitely bold.

“I found the trident, Orm,” Atlanna stood from the bed, body hovering up in the middle of the room, the crown on her head rather small than he remanded from his young years, when she would play with him, and put it on his head, promising he would be great. From the way she spoke, she knew somehow, though Vulko, the only one present in that room who didn’t die or vanished, Murk was gone, never came back from the surface, and he didn’t tell.

Actually, it was a part of the beginning of his reign, Orm kept locked deep inside the back of his mind to never remember again, a hard task he had fulfilled like any other until months ago. It began with a struggle, when his hand closed around the trident left behind, the silence of the room sucked him into an abyss of despair, there was no need to excuse himself, Orm left right away, feeling the bubbles of her impulses breaking on his cheeks for she had been in the same path not long ago, but he went straight to the palace, two tridents and only one heir; he knocked her weapon down under his attires, under the studies on the tables, where no one could see, cracked the wall and hid there, the only vestige of its existence was a scratch on the material being taken off and placed back again. It hunted him like a spirit in nights, when his body arched for her, painfully, and he still felt the taste of her mouth on his, nightmares invaded his sleep, the weapon shaking the cabinet, shining through, it would break it at some point, align on his neck and take his life, Orm always woke almost drowning. He had missed her in the morning, for when he had opened his eyes for her smile, the curve of her lips an enchantment of their own, he had missed her in the afternoons, her voice of talks, of stories about her life, of Xebel, of her mother and father, and gone brother, how many details she could give when describing what she thought Atlantis could improve. He had missed her, completely, even losing in rare occasion the control of himself, opening the crack on the wall and staring at her trident. He doubted it was capable of calling her into the Seven Seas, calling her back home. He never tried, pulling the wall back into place and scolded himself to never even think of doing it.

And love didn’t fade like that, he grieved her for her death to him, and suffered quiet when he saw pearls, when he saw purple. Tried twice harder, and harder to forget her, focusing on his kingdom that was worth the sacrifice, for only years later, he was able to push her back into the darkness his brain made just for her to dwell, a coffin of black arabesques and red scales, her name adorned on the visior. Yet, Orm, with an extend acquaintance in atlantean behavior, should had know that kind of happiness simply wouldn’t be replaced like that, didn’t matter how much he succeed in his duties, that kind of happiness not even Atlantis could bring back.

The irony was the sacrifice he offered to the Gods passed by as nothing, for there he was with nothing left on his palms. Nothing.

Atlanna saw what that did to her son, saw the eyebrows falling, the lower lip curling, the pupils longing into the ground, and an awful sigh leaving his mouth. What did on his body, sinking into the floor with heaviness, the broad shoulders falling in an inferior posture. The first feeling coming from him. It was sorrow.

“Please, mother,” he begged, trembling. “Leave.”

She didn’t, instead went for him, staring at the ghost of a warrior who had no strength, she smiled in grace, empathy, denying with her head. “The writtens on it allowed me to find its owner. She is back in Atlantis, my son.”

Orm widened his eyes, heart skipping a beat with the revelation. “No, please, mother…”

“Yes,” Atlanna nodded then, careful with the words, whispering into his cheeks, the same ones her hands came to hold, to not let him shatter across that depressing cell. “Do you wish to see her?”

The mere thought of her in front of him, seeing his state, what he came was a shame of its own. Gods, the things she must heard of him already, the fallen, miserable thing he had become, locked away in a prison, no crown, the humiliation it brought to Orm was a reason to never leave there again.

He finally broke, shattered around, his blue eyes red of insanity, pushing his own mother’s arms away, impulsing himself into the ceiling, where his back hit with a loud thug, the roar leaving his throat was enough for the whole building to hear, if not, outside too. No! He impulsed to the glass then, hitting with his left shoulder in a chance to escape that room, go to the Trench himself and be gone, there was no way to bear the emptiness the news created inside. Orm wanted to disappear.

Atlanna yelled in his behalf, trying to get him, calm him down when he tried to divide the glass again, shouting with all his being. The guards outside were moving already, to contain him. Orm didn’t care, he kept trying, again, and again. Until he stopped all of the sudden, his senses captured the attack seconds before, and his body shifted to dodge it. It was no plasma, no shot, just five curved edges piercing the glass. He was definitely drowning when his neck betrayed his commands and followed from where it came from.

As the sun that long ago shined through Atlantis, Y/N was found by the entrance of his cell, hovering like a goddess ascending, if years had any affect on her beautiful traces, the only difference able to be shown would be her hair, longer than before, a big halo around the face, her own crown of braids dancing between the threads. The attire was purple, scales trickling green and blue, defining the curves of a body he knew like the lines on the palm of his hand in the past. Her wrists contained silver bracelets, a match to the silver boots up high on her thighs, where the ends branched gills. And, as the memories, on top of her high eyebrows there were the pearls, the biggest one between them, and the smallests following the shapes, her pupils under the thick lashes were harsh, the same superior posture she had when she was gifting in his birthday, the lips in burgundy color. She didn’t seem happier, neither sad. Neutral.

Orm was speechless, stuck. Emotions he had buried deep down forcing their way up against the barrier he built to protect himself, the water in his lungs missed the automatic suck and felt like he wasn’t breathing at all, he was drowning in everything she was and represented. How lower he had to reach to be enough?

“Orm,” she called his name as a firm song from the Fishermen, tenting to a side, speeding to enter the cell and hovering by this presence. It was a clue for every guard and Atlanna withdraw for privacy. He still couldn’t believe she was in his front, judging his defeat as the rest of his people was, the disgrace he had fallen into, the strongest burden any could carry.

He retracted without noticing, to the corner, head low, his voice tried to get out, ask her if she had any pity left for him, she would leave. Melancholy, his legs curled, and he knelt on the floor, cheek resting on the surface, not capable of looking into her direction. Her shadow engulfed his being demonstrating she was not leaving, her soft hands came soon later, to his face, the palms pulling gently his cheek back. When Orm felt the scales of her attire on his face, realised it was true, relived the nights and nights her chambers were an escape, and before he knew, his eyes closed in a sob, his hands implored around her, grasped her hips, clutching closer, supporting his weight on her stomach, where he ultimately cried, tears mixing in the ocean.

Y/N hugged his head, caring, letting him lament all his lost, to assume him that, in the end, there was still hope.

#orm marius x reader #king orm x reader #orm marius #king orm #orm marius imagine #aquaman #dc #dceu #gabs writing #finally

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laufie · 5 years

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here’s a fun story about a creepy dude/stalker i had. it was a strange situation at the time, and i realize in hindsight i should have been much more scared, but it’s been over 10 years so i can just laugh about it now. it doesn’t describe anything traumatic or graphic, but it’s quite eerie.

anyway, i was about 15 or 16 years old at the time, and it had been just over a year since i moved to canada from ukraine. i still used vk (russian equivalent of facebook) frequently to chat with friends, and had an inside joke in my bio about taking LSD. i wasn’t actually taking anything, as i said it was an inside joke.

out of nowhere, this russian dude sends me a pm about how if im really taking LSD i should be able to name some specific formula or dosage or something. i explained to him that it was an inside joke and i know next to nothing about the drug itself, and he laughed it off. we started talking because i noticed it said on his profile that he currently lived in new york, which was a place i’ve always dreamt of visiting. we ended up talking every day about random things, mostly his love of new york and the array of recreational drugs he does.

he didn’t seem dangerous. he never talked about heavy drugs like heroin or meth, and was heavily against them. he was russian of course, as he was in new york only temporarily, so i felt a sense of connection to him, since i was still overcoming the cultural shock of moving to canada. to my mind at that age he didn’t seem like he had any bad motive. he didn’t ask especially prying questions, he was always nice and well-spoken, and enjoyed philosophical discussion. he gave off a vibe of a trustworthy person, which is a note of positivity that would have persisted throughout this whole story...

had he not been 7 years older than me. an important detail that slipped through the cracks at the time - he was 22 when i was 15. i knew he was more mature than me, but as far as i remember, i never actually got to find out his age back then. in hindsight of course, aside from the glaring age difference, he did give off red flags. calling me much more mature than other girls my age was perhaps the most glaring one. at the time. and of course, the constant glorification of drugs.

mind you, this was more than 10 years ago. the internet was a different place at the time. there was no tumblr or twitter or adults that grew up using the internet to tell me to be careful as a minor. people did whatever they wanted to and got away with it. so naturally, i didn’t catch any of the red flags, neither was i even on the lookout for them in the first place.

skip forward nearly a year, my mom knows a lot about this guy, since i’m quite open with her about, well, everything. my mom has always been my best friend. that summer we were planning a 3 month long trip home, to ukraine. him and i thought it would be cool to met up, since by now he was back home in russia. for reference, ukraine is to the far left side of russia, whereas this guy lived on the polar opposite side, on a piece of russian land that is right above japan. he would have to fly across the entire russia to see me. russia. you know, that massive thing? he was perfectly fine with it. i convinced my mom to let me meet him, and she said only if he stays at our place. naturally.

he came for only a couple days. our apartment back home is quite small so with my mom and constant family guests, there was always a pair of eyes on him. it got a little bit strange eventually. he was touchy, but not in an inappropriate way at all. i’m sure it’s not due to his personal decency, and rather because he would most definitely get caught. he would try to hold my hand, or brush my hair off my face, pat my head. things like that. it didn’t go beyond that. but to me, at the time, it was a grown adult man doing it to me, which gave me an unsettling anxious feeling.

on his last day he wanted to go out because he wanted me to try a drug that he had been talking about the entire time i’ve known him. i would prefer not to go into what it is, but it has a heavy hallucinogenic effect that lasts for a very, very long time. naturally he told my mom he just wanted me to show him around, and i was in on the lie. i was curious. my mom was always very strict with coming back home right on time, so we promised her we will be home by 10 pm.

we went out at around 5. and it lasted longer than he promised. way longer. we came home at 3 am. despite the hallucinations being quite heavy and mind-boggling, the effect of the drug didn’t make me feel “out of it”. my perception of time and space was obviously very skewed, but i knew who i was and where i was, and what was happening around me. he didn’t try anything. there wasn’t even as much as an attempt. except, well, when i realized what time it was i rushed home so fast that i was not going to stop for anything. so i’m not sure. maybe the night wasn’t over in his mind yet, but it was in mine. i felt bad for my poor mother who had been worried sick since 10 pm. it was pitch black outside so i went home through a well-lit road that has a lot of cars. now that i think about it, i may have unintentionally saved myself from things getting worse.

i only stopped when we were outside my apartment, because i wanted to focus as much as i could before going in. he sat down on the bench and beckoned me to sit next to him. and he kissed me. i dont remember how exactly it happened but it just kind of did. i went along with it and didn’t say anything after, i went inside the apartment building like nothing happened. it was odd. i didn’t know what it meant, but i also didn’t care, because i wanted to see my mom as soon as i could, ad it was the only thing on my mind.

one look in my eyes and she knew everything. she told me to go to bed. i don’t know what she told him. i’m not sure she said anything. the next morning she asked me if anything happened. i assured her that i was safe. and then he was gone. she didn’t say anything to him. she just dropped him off to make sure he actually left.

after that we didn’t really talk nearly as much. we tried to keep in contact but honestly, i wasn’t as drawn to him anymore. eventually, out of nowhere, he posted some really mean and rude comments under a bunch of my pictures, and i ended up deleting him.

now for the creepiest part. nearly 4 years later we plan another trip to ukraine to visit family. i have some medical conditions with my spine that i needed to get very uncomfortable and painful massages for. my health is one of the main reasons why we took trips back home often. one day about a week or so into my trip i was leaving my apartment to get into a taxi to go to one of those massage appointments. i exit the building and there he was. sitting on the bench and just looking at me. 4 years later. not a word. across russia.

even though it was bright afternoon and a lot of people were out, i was overcome with dread. i awkwardly told him “sorry, i have to go somewhere” and rushed to get into the taxi. he didn’t say anything, just kept looking. on my way back from the massage i called one of my close old friends that worked in the UKR special forces. my mom wasn’t home and i did not feel safe returning. he picked me up and drove me home, and came in with me, all the way into the apartment, the guy wasn’t there anymore. i made my friend coffee and told him about this guy. he promised to drive by once in a while to make sure he isnt hanging out here at odd hours.

later that day at around 8 pm i got a text from an unknown number. “so, are you scared of me now?”.

i closed all my blinds and curtains, locked both entrance doors, and told my female friends not to come visit me, because he knew their faces. yes, i was scared. i was really scared. he didnt say a word to me in 4 years, somehow found out about my trip and just showed up. i wasn’t sure if i wanted to cry or scream. i knew i had to get rid of him somehow. so i responded, making up a story about being really sick and needing constant treatment, and that i made plans with all my friends to leave tonight to go to another city for 3 weeks.

he was angry with me and very upset. he expected a happy reunion i guess. i was very polite to him and apologized, saying i felt bad he traveled all this way only to be told this. he started writing really cryptic things. “i know a secret how to cure any illness of yours, you don’t need doctors, it’s like a code, you plug it in and you become anything”. “i came here to cure you because you’re the only person it will work on”. “i went to your page to ask your friends if your plans are true, but you have them hidden. why don’t you trust me anymore?”

among this he called me. over and over. between every message, a missed call i refused to pick up. eventually i broke down and asked him why is he acting like this. to which he said “because you are the only woman in the world i will ever be able to love this much”. i told him i was with someone and have been for 2 years, and to leave me alone. after a handful more cryptic messages, he stopped for a while. and ended it in a plea to forgive him. i didn’t respond to anything beyond the confession.

thankfully i had no contact with him since then, and as far as i know there have been no attempts from him. however, i don’t use russian social media anymore, and none of them are linked to any of my active “american” accounts, so to speak. so there is no way for him to find me. if you ever wondered why i never make my real name public and always go under aliases, this is largely why.

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peachrogers · 5 years

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my summation + overall thoughts of avengers: endgame

including: what i found wrong with endgame and why i am currently refusing to acknowledge that it happened.

okay i wrote this a while ago but after i never actually got around to posting it so here it is.

first off,, i will once again introduce myself since this account is fairly new. hello, my name is mackenzie, call me mackenzie, or zie or mack or whatever you want. this was originally to be my main acc after i deactivacted all my old tumblrs because i planned to start fresh on tumblr again and after watching endgame for the second time last wednesday, this account became a marvel acc strictly so !! yeah follow me lets be friends !! message me whenever if you wanna talk or cry or anything.

to put it bluntly,, endgame fucking sucked.

endgame was meant to tie everything together. endgame was meant to be this great movie to sum everything up and tie it all together and to just make it make sense in other words.

there was so much hype surrounding endgame, so much pressure, so much excitement.

in my opinion? the joint effort of the writers and the directors managed to ruin it all. they managed to take a movie that was supposed to do so much for the mcu, to tie everything together as a final conclusion to this infinity saga and they blew it all up.

endgame wasn’t a horrible movie, but there were multiple parts that i (and multiple others i know of) did not like and i will be going over it in this post.

it’s not just because of steve’s ending, which i know, i know, i’ve bitching and crying about that for a while on this account. it’s more than just steve’s ending.

this post is a little all over the place but i’ll try to keep my thoughts together the best that i can.

just a disclaimer: UNDER THE CUT I WILL BE TALKING IN DEPTH ABOUT THE EVENTS OF AVENGERS: ENDGAME AND THIS WILL INCLUDE MAJOR SPOILERS ABOUT THE MOVIE SO PLEASE BE WARY. (if you haven’t, seriously where the fuck have you been) BUT IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ENDGAME AND DO NOT WISH TO HAVE IT SPOILED PLEASE SCROLL PAST THIS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

okay here we go !! so i made posts before about this but this is gonna just be a big long post about EVERYTHING and i’ll explain everything and why endgame sucked.

originally i had decided to go through scene by scene and talk about each scene but i mean, that’s not really the point of this post and frankly, doing that would probably make this post longer than i want it to be. so i will be focusing on the important scenes. the ones i think are most important to point out and talk about.

as i mentioned above the cut, it’s not just about steve. i know my user is peachrogers and steve rogers has always been my fave avenger. but its more than just steve’s ending and i’ll get into that as we get to it.

i used a transcript while writing this just to help me completely recall everything as it actually was since i don’t consider my memory completely reliable so i linked it if anyone else wants to look at it.

and again, as i mentioned above, i don’t hate everything about endgame. there were parts of endgame i did like and enjoy. tony and nebula playing paper football for example, i thought that scene was very endearing and adorable and carol coming to save them really made me happy.

but at the same time, there were scenes i did not enjoy. and i will be mainly going depth on those scenes since i kinda wanted to just summarize and explain and captalize on why endgame failed at doing the job it was meant to do in tying together these 22 mcu films released in the past 11 years.

so starting at the beginning of the film, after they find thaos and thor chops off his head and they have a five year time skip, we see steve, in a group therapy session.

where steve once again brings up the love of his life and how everyone has to move on. which SPOILER ALERT he doesn’t. this scene, when i first watched i was kinda like whatever, but watching it the second time and watching it now(or even thinking on it), it makes me SO SO mad. pretty sure they kept this scene bc one of the directors is in it. this scene also just makes steve contradict himself since he goes on about how important it is for to move on and yet he just doesn’t even follow his own advice in the end and it aggravates me which i will get into later on.

so skipping to after scott comes out of the time machine van and then steve goes to visit natasha. tbh everytime i watch this scene with natasha and steve, it always just breaks my heart because of the whole:

you know, i keep telling everyone they should move on and… grow. some do. but not us.

(there steve goes again just contradicting himself:(()

and

we both need to get a life.

you first.

and i remember reblogging a gif set of nat and steve with the same caption and i just :( bc of where they end up in the end and it’s just its really sad.

seeing tony and pepper with morgan and the fact that tony has finally achieved a level of normalcy where he has his own life with his wife and his child, it’s really nice to see. he definitely deserves it. and i completely understand tony shutting down steve, nat, and scott because he doesn’t want to risk everything especially if it doesn’t work and he ends up losing it. and i totally understood that.

the diner scene where nat, steve, and scott go to talk to bruce about time travel. first off, i just wanna point off how annoying that scene was ?? especially the part with the kids and them not wanting a pic with scott and apparently they only kept that part in bc one of the kids was one of the director’s kids?? there’s just so much wrong with it.

and now i move on to the great marvel cinematic universe version of time travel. which in itself really hardly makes any sense whatsoever since the directors and the writers both contradict each other on how it works. if you’re going to put time travel in your movie, i really feel like everyone should be on the same page on how it works but i mean, that’s just me.

it took me a little bit to understand it bc what the fuck.

the scene where clint,rhodey, bruce, nebula, and scott are discussing how time travel works and rhodey is just naming off all these time movies where time travel works the way that i see it as working(where your past completely changes your future/butterfly effect/chaos theory) and bruce and nebula basically debunk the whole thing and explain it as how changing your past doesn’t change your future and all the whole thing is just bullshit if you ask me. it’s so hard to understand.

okay im not here to argue about time travel. but let me just give some perspective. for me personally, i just see time travel to work like it did in life is strange because it makes more sense. if you change something in the past, that would directly impact your future. if you go in the past and prevent someone from dying, that would not just change the fact that they didn’t die but other factors would be affected too.

and when they brought in the alternate timelines and the “multiverse” it just made things so much more complicated for me.

and i have tried to educate myself more to understand it, i’ve read through multiple posts on the whole time travel thing and i’ve rewatched movies as well to try and understand.

i guess the biggest thing that didn’t sit well with me is just that the directors and writers WHO YOU WOULD ASSUME would bring some clarity and insight on the matter really just brought more confusion and only contradicted each other and i do Not Like it at all.

but i mean who cares about what we want ? it obviously doesn’t mean shit to them.

moving on.

uh lebowski thor idk at first i really wasn’t into it and i was kinda like wtf but i mean i’ve kinda come to be cool with the change in character. and apparently chris hemsworth was really into it so idk to each their own.

and just for the record: i think we all know that Noobmaster69 is deadpool

also i fucked loved the america’s ass joke but i’m pretty sure everyone did.

okay moving on to stony going to the camp lehigh in the 1970s. really i just want to address the scene where steve hides in peggy’s office. you see on her desk that one picture of steve and the picture of her kids and legiT PEGGY WAS RIGHT THERE IN THE OTHER OFFICE HOW DID SHE NOT SEE STEVE WHAT THE FUCK

god idk just thinking about how it was the 1970s and she still thinks about steve who tbh she hardly knew, especially if you compare him to idk daniel sousa ?? and steve saw the picture of her kids and he still was like lol yeah not moving on.

natasha dying okay yeah that was hard to watch. especially since she got nothing for it. tony gets a whole funeral with everyone and yeah ig she got that one moment with the five of them talking about trying to bring her back but that was it and i hate that. natasha deserved more love more attention more recognition way way more than what she got.

ON YOUR LEFT

okay idk how people heard steve’s avenger assemble when the fucker literally whispered it.

i mean it was really nice seeing everyone coming together and fighting and idk it was just everything to see the final fight against thanos.

ALSO CAP WIELDING MJOLNIR

tony dying, like i definitely did cry and it was sad, but in a way it was okay because he did it for them he did it for everyone.

there was an interview with the writers who said there wasn’t a draft where tony didn’t die and i don’t doubt it because i mean, i think it was needed. i think tony needed to be the one to do it.

and now we get to my favorite part. you know, the worst part of the movie. where steve just ruins everything.

in the process of returning the infinity stones, steve decides to create an alternate timeline with “peggy” and live out his life with her in that timeline while actual steve of that timeline is in ice.

okay listen i was cool with the final dance, i think that was definitely needed and it would’ve been a perfect end for steve to do that and return and idk give up captain america. but instead NO THEY HAVE TO DESTROY ALL OF captain america’s character development, all of peggy carter’s character development, RUIN BUCKY AND JUST RUIN EVERYTHING THAT WASNT OKAY I AM STILL JUST SO UPSET BECAUSE FOR STEVE TO JUST THROW EVERYTHING OUT THE WINDOW AND BE WITH PEGGY IN A DIFFERENT TIMELINE ITS NOT SOMETHING STEVE WOULD DO

we all know that is not something steve would do so it just it killed me and the directors hardly even gave an explanation for it and idk its just its such a let down and im just im not okay with it and i won’t be for a while. steve has always been my favorite avenger and for him to go out like this. its so disappointing, steve rogers deserved a better ending than this.

endgame sucked and its gonna take me a while to accept that endgame actually happened.

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enigmaincrimson · 5 years

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To be honest, I don’t know how else to put this, but... I really suck at making starters or explaining what is going on right now without making things worse than they are.

Like... there’s this person I know... they’re doing that “money for commissions” thing in the earlier post that I know is wrong, but I can’t warn them because well... they’re still fuming over something I’ve supposedly done two years back. As far as I know is that I tend to ramble too much when it comes to plotting and that bothers some people.

The other case is well... I’m not entirely sure what is going on there since last year there was an information leak from what should have been a safe Discord server onto Tumblr awhile back. Of course, I got kicked off that server over what happened and blamed for the aftermath, but the culprit is still running around passing rumors and pinning it on me whenever someone gets dragged into it. However, due to the recent gaslighting trend of erasing conversations in IM... I can’t prove a thing and can only say the person pretty much wants to start another Tumblr war like what happened some time ago.

Side note... a Tumblr “war” is more of a Lynch mob where a bunch of people just plain attack a person and everyone they partner with. They’re ugly, cruel, and never really resolves anything other than a lot of hard feelings, opportunists dragging stuff along for their own gain, and paranoia.

The last one I remember basically involved people coming up with excuses to throw rocks, people throwing rocks at them so they’d throw more rocks. Callout posts, hate mail, and more filled with word salad pulled from a dictionary, people pretending to be supporters of the victims and antagonizing the former on purpose in order to get back at the victims for some slight, and... everyone else wondering what in the heck was going on.

I’m having a terrible time describing it, but that bit of stupidity could be pretty much traced back to a harmless post about the room layout in a dormitory from a video game. A certain popular roleplayer apparently decided that it was triggering and threw a bit of a fit... their “friends’ and wannabe “friends” came rushing in all at once.

As for the third party that kept things rolling... well... they were mad because a bunch of people reported them for harassment and decided to take it out on me for it. That and they wanted to collect URLs for trophies and rub it in later, so they’d pretend to be me or someone I knew and sent those other people hate mail so they’d feel more justified and continue the attacks.

Another time a “professional” roleplayer decided that I was an eyesore and started harassing and stalking me on Tumblr because they wanted me to off myself. Not that they were the first time someone’s decided that I was a menace for just showing up somewhere or the last.

That person would steal threads, hijack posts, write call outs, and more while their partners would just... let them do it. They’d literally chase me from one blog to the next and keep on going. I’d block and they’d just use another one of their blogs to continue the harassment.

The only clear “crime” I got out of that person was that I used a “canon faceclaim” for my muse.

Several other roleplayers were godmodders that were upset because I told them that they couldn’t edit my muse however they pleased. They’d throw giant fits and tell all of my partners in their fandom to not to do anything with me because I told them No.

I got chased out of another fandom because I had to explain to someone that I couldn’t give them my personal information. A certain group of roleplayers has been going around and harassing people with female muses for M!A smut, and the mun was getting rather frayed. Any attempts I had in trying to help only got thrown back in my face with the word “Toxic” repeated over again in big letters.

I got kicked out of another fandom because I was worried about the other person and tried to apologize for my actions. However, I apparently asked the wrong person for help in that situation and it bombed terribly.

I’ve been kicked out of a completely unrelated fandom once for wanting to do something other than the same plot over and over again. It didn’t help that they insisted that they had “no rules” which didn’t make any sense to me.

I ended under attack in another case because I wouldn’t sell out my muse for smut. the whole situation was plain strange and creepy.

Another case I was under attack for restricting Magic Anons. That same group is the one that was harassing those other muns over similar things.

I could keep going, but generally... I really don’t know how to articulate this mess and even if there was proof I don’t want to go back in there looking for it.

I’m terrible at explaining things anyway and well... I am very upset at the moment if you haven’t guessed.

#enigmaincrimson #ooc

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not-so-innocent-bi-sander · 6 years

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I’m Trash!

Ok. So this was an idea I remember from one of those “Famous Tumblr Text Posts” and I couldn’t not do it. I’m gonna get into that multi chapter thing next, I promise! But for now, Here is this thing. :P

Warning- blood mention. But also it’s me, so not anything crazy. Still lighthearted because that's all im good for.

The dark shadow slipped from under Roman’s door. The creative one was having a particularly vivid dream and on rare occasions things had the possibility to manifest in the mindscape. The shadow was free and it wanted to do something fun. It snuck along the walls, peering under the other doorways. Hmm. Too cheery. Hmm. Too serious.

It found a dark room with an equally dark form slumped forward at a desk, appearing to have fallen asleep still online rather than actually going to bed. The light emanating from the laptop was the only light to be seen. Ooo. This one would work. The shadow gave itself a bit more form, revealing itself to have glistening fangs which clamped down on a bit of exposed neck.

Virgil woke to a pinch on his neck, instinctively slapping the spot. “Ugh. Mosquitos? We have mosquitos? Jeez. What was I... Oh yeah. Tumblr.” The anxious one went back to Tumblr, it was only 2am, not bad for a normal night. Now where was he?

Around 7am, Virgil awoke again, his whole body burning from the inside. He peeled himself up from his desk, the laptop keys having left impressions on his face. He placed one hand on his face to rub the indentations and the other on his stomach as though doing so would calm his insides.

“Ugh…. That’s the last time I eat Chipotle… This week.” Virgil rubbed his stomach and groaned. He tried to get as comfortable as he could, grabbing his phone he started scrolling through Tumblr some more.

In what seemed like no time at all, he heard Patton calling him down for breakfast. He glanced at the clock and realized it was already nearly 10am.

“Man, Tumblr is such a time suck.” He said quietly to himself as he popped out of bed and opened his bedroom door, the light shocking his eyes and causing him to hide behind his forearm.

“Why is it so bright out here?!” He called as he walked down the stairs towards food, his eyes still shielded.

“It isn’t that bright, Virgil.” Logan pointed out, sitting at the table reading his newspaper.

“Says you. I think I might have migraine… Too much chipotle.” He wandered into the kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee.

“Want me to fix you a plate, Virge?” Patton asked cheerily. Virgil looked over at the tasty looking spread that Patton had laid out. Just looking at it made his stomach turn even more sour.

“Thanks Dad, but I think I’m gonna sit out breakfast. My stomach isn’t doing so well. I’ll just take the coffee.” His eyes were still mostly shut, the light making his head hurt.

“Aw alright, Kiddo. I’ll come up to check on you in a little while. Go get some rest.” Patton smiled and patted his shoulder.

“You might have a cold coming on, you feel so cold!” Patton stated, pulling his hand away from Virgil. Virgil shrugged and took his mug upstairs, returning to the safety of his dark room. As soon as he was back out of the bright lights of the commons, he felt much better. He placed his mug on his desk and got on his laptop, playing some games to pass the time.

Once again, in what felt like no time at all, he glanced at the time and found that it had been multiple hours.

“Wow. I need to keep better track of time… Then again. You can’t load up The Sims without losing several hours of your life.” He closed up the game and heard a knock on the door.

“Virge? I brought you some lunch!” Came Patton’s cheery voice on the other side of the door. Virgil popped up and opened the door.

“Thanks, Pat.” Virge smiled gently and took the tray. He noticed that Patton had dimmed the hallway lights. Patton smiled and walked away, closing the door as he left so Virgil could continue resting. He placed the tray on his desk and meandered around his room a moment. The food looked pretty good, but it smelled strange to him. It appeared to be a pretty regular sandwich and fries. It didn’t seem out of the ordinary for any reason.

“Ouch!” He picked up a fry and instantly threw it back down. It was burning hot. Patton must have just made them. But he was a glutton for punishment a good french fry. He took a quick bite of one of them and found it burning the inside of his mouth just like it was burning his fingers. He tried to cool it down in his mouth but it didn’t seem to cool and he had to spit it back out.

“Man, why are these so hot? And… Garlicky? Huh.” Virgil shrugged and figured he’d come back to it later when they cooled down. He wasn’t hungry anyway. Plopping back on his bed, he was back on his phone. Another while of scrolling through tumblr when yet another knock on his door.

“Come in?” He called, not moving. Patton pushed the door open and walked in a little bit.

“How are you feeling, Kiddo? Dinner is about ready and…” Patton looked over at Virgil’s untouched lunch and his forgotten mug of coffee from that morning.

“Have you eaten anything today, Virge? You must be pretty sick if you haven’t been hungry at all…” Patton walked in and slowly placed a hand on Virgil’s forehead, he was still so cold.

“I feel fine, Patton. I just wasn’t hungry? I don’t know. I think I’m just a little nauseous from whatever I ate last night. It’ll pass.” He shrugged. Patton worried, but thats what dads did. He grabbed the tray and the coffee and carried it out of the room.

“Just try and get some rest, ok Kiddo? I’ll leave a plate for you in the fridge if you get hungry.” He called over his shoulder.

“Thanks, Dad.” Virgil continued laying there. He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t hungry… He just wasn’t. Maybe he should try and get some sleep. Placing his phone down, he put his hands behind his head in the most relaxed position he could manage.

Virgil laid perfectly still with his eyes shut, waiting for some amount of tiredness to come over him, but it never did.

/Great, another night of insomnia. Perfect, of course when i’m feeling sick I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Man, being anxiety can really suck sometimes, I bet tha-/ He thought to himself until he was interrupted by another knock on the door. Patton just left, who could it possibly be?

“Come in.” He called, watching the door open and Logan walk in. “Virgil? I can’t see you in here.” He stated, reaching for the light switch and flipping it on. Virgil opened his mouth wide and hissed at the bright light, much louder than the last time he had hissed at Logan during their debate. He flipped himself over and buried his face in the pillow. Logan could have sworn… In the light it almost looked like.. Virgil’s teeth were… No. That would be ludicrous.

“I uh.. Sorry,” Logan flipped the light back off and Virgil rolled back over to face him. “I just came to tell you that Roman wants to go on an adventure in his kingdom once again.. But Patton said you weren’t feeling well. So I just came to tell you we shouldn’t be gone longer than a day or so. I brought you these, in case you wanted some gentle entertainment while you were sick. I think they should be to your liking.” Virgil was confused, he glanced at the time and saw it was somehow 8am? Man, this stomach flu was really messing with his sense of time. Logan placed two very large books down on Virgil’s nightstand.

Looking over he saw one was a collection of Grimm’s Fairytales and the other was the nearly complete works of Edgar Allen Poe.

“Thanks, Lo. I’ll check those out. Have fun in la la land.” Virgil smirked. Logan nodded and left. Virgil got bored of Tumblr after some amount of time and eventually picked up the Brothers Grimm fairytales book. He did not expect all of these to be so dark.. Logan was right these were his kind of stories. They seemed to read pretty quick, it didn’t seem like very long before he had finished the hearty tome and put it off to the side. He grabbed Poe next, he had been told many times that this was something he would also enjoy.

This book was also great. Man, is this why Logan reads so much? These stories were awesome. He would have to ask that nerd if he had more books he could read. Another knock on the door. Man, these guys kept popping back in on him.

“Yeah?” He called, not looking up from his Poe anthology.

“Virgil? How are you feeling?” Logan asked, pushing the door open once again.

“Uh, same as I was when you asked like half an hour ago?” He smirked, still nose deep in his book. Logan’s eyes opened wide.

“Half an hour? Virgil, I was gone with Roman and Patton for nearly 3 days. Have you not… Slept? Eaten? ..Moved at all?”

“Pshh. Logan. If you are going to try to trick me, go with an amount of time that makes sense. All i’ve managed to do since you were gone was…. I dont know. I was on tumblr for a while… I read like both of these books. Great books by the way. Do you have any more?” Virgil gestured to the two huge books Logan had left with him.

Logan had to keep his excitement for Virgil’s reading to himself, there was something very wrong here.

“…Stay right here. I’ll be right back.” Logan quickly left, leaving Virgil there with a shrug as he finished up his book. Logan returned in, what of course felt like no time to Virgil, about a half hour.

“Virgil, please come downstairs, i’ve dimmed the lights and everything.” Logan poked his head back in.

“Ugh. What is it Lo? I promise I’m fine. I’m just sick or something.” He tossed the book down and followed behind Logan. The light in the rest of the house was dim, and while it stung his eyes a little, it was manageable. He plopped down on the couch across from Roman and Logan, Patton seemed to be busy in the kitchen.

“Virgil, we are… Are you using a different foundation? You look even paler than usual.” Roman began, getting distracted by his appearance. Virgil shrugged.

“I don’t know, I haven’t checked my makeup in the mirror in a while? Maybe this is just what my skin looks like without makeup. It’s not like I go outside.”

“…In anycase. Virgil… We are concerned about your well-being. You aren’t eating, sleeping.. You seem to be unaware of the passage of time. Are you feeling well? You may be seriously ill.” Logan noted. Virgil suddenly sniffed the air deeply.

“Man… That smells amazing, Patton. What are you making?” He didn’t even realize he was on his feet all of a sudden, his feet carrying him toward the kitchen. Logan, however, did notice how much Virgil’s pupils dilated when he took that whiff of the air. As well as noting he couldn’t smell anything at all. He got up and followed after Virgil, Roman noticing everyone moving and followed.

“Oh, I’m making you some chicken noodle soup, Kiddo! Great for when you are sick! I haven’t actually started cooking yet though.. So i’m not sure what you are smelling? I’m just chopping the vegetables.” Patton chuckled. “Although… With how dark it is in here, I slipped a little and cut my finger pretty good.

Patton held up his hand, blood dripping down his index finger in a thin line that was trailing down his hand. Virgil was absolutely transfixed on the cut and the trail of blood. Logan watched Virgil, staring intensely at Patton’s blood. He reached out to put a hand on Virgil, but the anxious one had stepped forward and gently grasped Patton’s forearm.

“I don’t know why… But I want to… I can’t… I need…” Virgil was struggling with something and he surprised them all when he leaned forward and licked the line of blood from Patton’s forearm up all the way to his fingertip.

“MMMMmmmm…..” He uttered.

All of them stood in shock.

“Uh.. Kiddo? Are you… Some kind of.. Vampire?” Patton asked, a bit shaken. Virgil paused a minute before just kind of shrugging.

“You know… That would actually explain a lot. Huh. I just kind of thought I was…. You know… Trash.”

@twentyoneparades-to-panic-at @celiawhatsherlastname @de-is-me @authordreaming13 @introverts-assemble @lilylunalovegood2002 @musicwitchthomas @didsomeonesayprince @heracaine @freepaperie081 @loverofpizzaandallthingssweet @cefmua56 @justanotherpurplebutterfly @kittyboof8 @emphoenixcat @morticiaaddams1

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #tsfic #tsfics #vampire au #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #tw: blood #blood trigger warning #blood tw

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aquacai · 6 years

Text

compilation of bts/army tweets i retweeted but doesn’t actually appear on my profile (TWITTER WHY)

TEXT POSTS:

Namgi are actual prodigies, how did bang pd just casually pick em up like that

ARMYs give BTS amazing promo but it only works cause...

And just in case anyone doesn't know, we call K-army "diamonds" because...

namjoon: i made espresso!! jungkook: i wanna try it namjoon: u hate bitter coffee

seokjin couldnt give less of a shit!!!!

Hoseok is Rock Lee

We have faves that are so willing to educate themselves...

I actually adore the final verses of The Last so much.

Hobi’s pseudo-triple entendres

why is this something i feel like rap line does in the studio

the funniest part of this run ep was when taehyung said...

BTS teletubbies @ MBC Gayo 2017

every update this year

top three betrayals are bighit not releasing tony montana feat jimin...

When I first began to fully get into BTS, I had a pretty jaded view...

Dear BTS 2013, its ARMY 2018.

MY DNA

*Yoongi's dating rumour*

this episode (run ep. 46) was so full of innuendos

fake trans on jin’s supposed feelings about the SIN separation

whoever is directing run should be reigned as the nation's hero...

What do you call a company that surpassed and outsold the big3?

bts are the definition of hyping ppl up for doing the bare minimum

an actual conversation that happened (run bts ep 46)

suran suga again and army

So I suddenly remember when Namjoon said these during Wings Tour The Final...

She was pushed by another members of staff while doing namjoon’s makeup

I WAS IN THE SHOWER BLASTING BTS AND ONCE I GOT OUT...

to the female staff who consoled jimin and keeps saying “you didn't mess up”...

they went from pardon to what was that

What happened at the first two episodes just made me respect Namjoon more.

on a serious note, it would be nice if when bts gets a special someone...

Next time during BTS concert, instead of screaming “encore encore”...

yall ever wanna think about how namjoon said that jimin needs lots of love and attention and thats probably why he shared a room with hoseok bc thats what exactly hoseok gives him

if I have any feeling towards BTS thats stronger than Love then it's RESPECT

the reason Jin was going on and on with his (R)evolution (E)volution (D)rop in the ocean thing might be because he was "hinting" at Youtube Red

one day, there will be a last...

namjoon came to post a selfie and left with a dating scandal

remember when hobi said “i wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for bangtan”...

Namjoon admitting that he’s also “just a kid” ...

"The reason I make music is because, after all, I am also afraid of the world."

Yoongi's scalp is braver than any US marine

Sometimes we forget that Namjoon is also just trying to figure out the world.

PUMA fansign: thank you for making music that changes the world

Everyone has a musical preference & enjoy when their artists reflect that.

let me talk about taehyung and how amazing he is as a friend

i like when seokjin shares stuff about his childhood, we get to know his orijin

BTS is also for redefining masculinity (hiphop is their way of life)

from humble beginnings to legends

burn the stage makes me realize that whenever rm post photos of nature ...

what exactly makes namjoon the sexiest for me ...

the reason seokjin’s chest and shoulders are so wide

Bighit: O! R YU DEAD, 2?

"What's your favourite song currently?"

the mask guy: u didnt bring anything to exchange so i cant help u

namjoons exchange [in the Fake Love Teaser 1] is so funny to me...

here are some of my favourite joon interviews

"How did you join BTS?"

jin: i’ve been doing it for 4 years

I hate it when people say armys have two brain cells like bold of you to think we even have a brain (sarcasm lol)

i’m a new generation anpanman

When the Billboard news was released this morning... (wisha)

interviewer: so what are your goals?

sometimes i still think about how the fanchant of cypher pt4...

"Hoe calm down, my shoe lace is untied"

“itʼs ok, we all found bts when we needed them in our lives the most”

i’m so sorry but it’s fake love

i want to see the world from taehyung’s view

just for youuuu

i love that taehyung is never anything but proud when talking abt the fact that he’s gained weight

i bet taehyung gives the best hugs

Our bomb is like a permanent reminder...

remember when we were like omg hixtape‘s mv gonna have bomb ass choreography lmaooo

no but it's so cute bts call it family pictures and not group pictures??

there's an undeniable sexual energy between yoongi nd every trophy...

bh staff: describe yourself in one word

jin: man, blowjobs sure are a mouthful (incorrect bts quotes)

THREADS:

I came across the Deloitte 2018 Media and Entertainment Industry Outlook

hoseok is one of the best dancers in the industry...

meaning behind whalien 52

KPOP101 LESSON 8: THE MINIMALIST ART OF THE KOREAN BALLAD

getting people flustered is hoseok culture - a thread

MY TOP 10 BTS SONGS (by KommonSense)

an explanation of rap lingo BTS use in their lyrics: a thread

I have some free time so like for an unpopular opinion. (hobybIo)

My Favorite Soft BTS Moments - A Thread! (odie)

Burn The Stage made me feel extremely vulnerable. (Aileen)

as Kings of Korean History [A thread] (KommonSense)

a thread of my favorite bts-related tumblr posts

Why and how the BTS rapline's experience with rap mirrors that of OG rappers

Everytime a BTS member was supportive of the LGBT community in any way

Namjoon (RM) Owning Up to His Mistakes

odie

Bangtan dancing styles thread

hoseok is one of the best dancers in the industry

Sky’s experience as a veteran ARMY

Jimin’s gliding technique (more threads on his dance technique)

analysis of how well DNA is structured as an EDM-pop song

I took a closer look into BTS’ intro Serendipity

Park Jimin is one of the most graceful and beautiful dancers in the industry

ok newbie kpop stans, welcome to history class (fandom shit)

An Introduction for the New, the Confused, and the Curious

BTS introduction thread

Science & literature are intrinsic to understanding how BTS and ARMY

how Singularity choreography coincides with lyrics

WHAT BTS ACTUALLY SAID - A MEGA THREAD

BTS song recommendations based on genres: a thread

rap line’s verses analysis

Mnet Comebackshow (LY:Tear) pre-recording review - THREAD -

"remember when" (BTS edition)

I'm watching a BTS music video and I don't know what the hell is going on, a thread:

LY: TEAR - MUSICAL ANALYSIS.

You know why I never will trust or listen to people who say "I left because of the fandom"

Type out what the bighit intro sounds like

Tyra Banks and her biological sons; a thread:

a thread about how BTS uses their music in their storytelling

for hot100, bts did what fans suggested

"Silly Little Trivia: Literal Choreography" thread for Fake Love

UNDERSTANDING BUniverse

BTS showing LGBT+ representation and support, a thread (this, too)

BTS meets Western standards of “cool” established by 1960s music, particularly rock ethics

BTS’ success: human brand x fan relationship

to celebrate bts festa, here is a thread of army stan twt’s best moments

MEME PICS/VIDS:

Jimin in the Danger mv

save Cook-Jin

Hope as mom : can you even get in any college with these grades?

Namgi & their annoyingly jumpy kids

IM WHEEZING JIN DID IT AGAIN

Everything makes sense noW (spider bite, cooky bite)

when they let you love them

When you need to wake em up

coming soon: Kim Seokjin only wanted a boyfriend

salt baes

EXPECTATION: "We aren't talking about BTS enough!

summary of run bts ep 46

i-armys and k-armys (suga’s ghost patting the clay)

Heaviest objects in the entire universe

"You will witness taehyung and jin fighting"

The battle of the year.

Hangsang with my thug

"Tangina mo," - J-Hope, 2018

choose your mineral water.

We all know... K-ARMYS & I-ARMYS

so who is giving them the candy?

I AM FUCKING DYING LAUGHING AT THEM IGNORING ALL THE KNOCKING IN THIS SCENARIO

I got bored and made ART

remember when namjoon asked for armys to edit him in because he missed the group picture with halsey

me listening to bts album skits

hoseok: hangsang with my thugs || his thugs:

we're finally getting the country comeback we deserve

fixed Jimin’s shots in LY:Tear

jungkook: made before i was born

this is what your food looks like inside the microwave

is this a theory?

is this an invitation?

He returned from the war

avatar Jimin

Yoongi and JK’s muffled convo

im just trying to take a nice screenshot....

ah yes, the four elements: fire, earth, water and snickers

Tyra Banks: The BTS ARMY is devoted and crazy (in a good way!) xD

BTS [MV] - You Will Never Do a Live Alone

the nation's #1 producer & bts' hype man

namjoon: you. me?

jungkook when he first met joon

fierce lil meow meow

RM spinebreaker???

this looks like rap line were a group of friends who stuck together...

V was written all along in Jimin’s tweet lol

jwimin-ssi

Hangs out with Tyra Banks ONCE...

learn the alphabet with BTS

TRANS:

When Bighit said they’ll donate 3% of LY album sales, u guys mocked us...

Kim Seokjin strange points

k-netz’ reaction on the Suga-Suran dating scandal

"Can bangtan fans please not get swayed by rumors?”

BTS trainer instagram re:B.T.S.

Music critic Kim, Youngdae nim’s MINI REVIEW on “Face Yourself”

Music critic Kim, Youngdae nim’s MINI REVIEW on “Euphoria”

bang pd and namjoon about his post supporting macklemore's song 'same love'

Konkuk uni student who became Seokjin's fan after speaking with him

I'm a multi-fan, I watch and listen to many idols, but I'm truly scared of BTS

an older woman(non-celebrity) admitted how much she loved BTS

So many warm teas in this article wrote by producer/musician Seiji Kameda

#LOVE_YOURSELF_轉_Tear Album HYYH Notes Translation Thread

180518 Love Yourself 轉 Tear - Thanks To Translations

“The lyrics in BTS’ album are so great Huge congrats to receiving at BBMA ”

response to #1 Billboard 200

BTS 2018 Festa Member’s profiles

VIDS:

KBS Happy Together 3 - Spring Day sung in karaoke room

imagine being this close to sunshine

Ashes - Lim Jeong Hee ft. BTS (2011)

kook's carelessness brought out his sunshine laugh just like that

Remember when bts proved to armys that they are all really spiderman

that time the cameraman was filming bts and jungkook started telling him...

i still get so soft over this the way jin hugged taehyung...

Seokjin killed it in this part in boy in luv

the sound of their footsteps is so satisfying omg

Remember when Jin and Ken met on a year end event rehearsal and they just...

Jungkook’s ‘yes’ and smile when Miri jumped through his arms...

seokjin and his interactions with camera men

Remember when Yoongi & Namjoon sang the high notes in Young Forever...

look at the difference between taekook and jinkook’s handshake lmao

this dance break has a special place in my heart :')

remember when Taehyung accidentally cut his real hair...

Nver forget that iris stevenson was the first one to believe in taehyung...

did yall notice that fdjghgd i’m shaking (run ep 46)

To remember the great SiN/YoonJin moment...

the wings era might be over but this snippet of each member’s solo songs...

Yes, Mom. This man right here. I love him. No more questions?

this is the best video of jin to ever exist

here’s jungkook having fun dancing to mama and lie

slush ft. jin

tell me why is it so funny that yoongi only opened 1/10 of his door n went back so fast

nothing but respect for my choreography leader

when jungkook opened the window well aware that it was raining

what makes you laugh? seokjin’s face

Bringing this back when taehyung was dancing nae nae...

SOMEBODY GIVE THIS BABY BLANKET AND BED...

i love this performance so fucking much!!!!

your ultimate mood booster (hobiiii)

HOLY SHIT MIN FUCKING YOONGI DID THAT

susko sobra ung bucket hats

THE WAY YOONGI AND HOSEOK SAY "RM" TOGETHER

remember when seokjin and hoseok were recognized by fans in america

jungkook imitated namjoon's finger heart and wink in a cute way

A compilation loop of Hoseok sneezing because it’s cute. Bless you!!

remember when jimin was hyping about their concert but hoseok

Hoseok left the group during Trainee days

heres 12 seconds of yoongi doing That Scream™ ...

this is what happens when you openly listen to bts without prejudice

when i say i want a rock song, i want THIS.

When Jungkook couldn’t pronounce Army bomb because of his Busan accent

U kno the thing joon does when he finds something?

reminding all of you that the special talent yoongi prepared is... imitating a doorbell

Here's a compilation of musicians getting shook by the sudden change to major in Jimin's 'Lie'

He actually blew a kiss how adorable

The fanboying level on this video is just

Hoseok doing background vocals/harmonising in Let Go (??)

...namjoon literally gets amused at the toy which blows a ball in the air...

NAMJOON DROPPED THE MIC HE WAS HOLDING AND JIN...

Lie rough instrumental

rough draft of Autumn Leaves, Young Forever, Wings (RM), Wings (JK)

Joon’s voice in the BBMA nomination teaser

Jin's reaction when I (sky) told him I brought him a present...

why BTS was nominated for BB TSA 2018

taehyung was fighting back his tears when they won TSA at 2017 BBMAs

Yoongi forgot his lines in Ma City and he just...

mannequin Tae

Bangtan ended ALL fashion weeks tonight !! (4th muster japan)

members cheering jimin up, wings tour macao

RM’s ending ment, Wings Tour the finale (Day 2?)

never forget bts' iconic reaction when they won their first daesang

When Jin was bowing, Jimin held him down and Jungkook immediately ran to sit in front of him.

jimin and seokjin debating whether dolphins could breathe underwater

look at tae's reaction when bang pd's voice broke

interviewer: what?

“DonT FiGht, Dont Fight!” :(((

RM: “we want to focus on our career”

Q: what's your favorite thing about yourself? yoongi: ᶤ ˡᶤᵏᵉ ᵖᵘᵖᵖʸ

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT HOW JOON TRIED TO DO THE LIL DISNEY WAND THING WITH HIS FINGER IM HURTING

jungkook’s closeups

BTS with Ciara at the BBMAs 2018

don’t ever forget that seokjin is one hell of a snowboarder

“the reason why bts, who was not supported by big agencies, succeeded, is that they tried to read the world and to breathe [with the world] together”

this is what happens when u leave namjoon and jimin alone together

this video of seokjin being hype then instantly stops when his manager look at him will never be not funny

LMFAOOO WAIT TAEHYUNG AND NEYO WERE JAMMING TOGETHER

An exclusive interview with #BTS ! (MBC News)

i love this version of airplane pt. 2 so much (jk+jm part) (jimin mode~) yt link full

john cena getting asked whats his favorite song off love yourself tear

The female staff who video tapes BTS bangtan bombs is amazing

WHAT THE FUCK JUNGKOOK LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE SEOKJIN...

Q: Please say something to international ARMYs

awake (short harp cover)

airplane pt. 2 dance cover

compilation of yoongi stuff in raps

wHY IS JUNGKOOK LIKE THIS

the way he said "what's your name?" and shouted "michelle!"

full vid of the two links above

#ISeoulU bts vid 2015

Tyra Bank’s music vid for Fake Love

vmin in sync is scary

fake love original choreo

jungkook said ‘mic drop!’ after he stepped on the wire and made the mic fall

tae acting in euphoria

puppy jungkook is still the most ᵘʷᵘ :(

hobi jk mirror dance with finger heart (mcountdown)

ONEW WAS THROWING CONFETTI AT TAE PLEASE THATS SO CUTE

Look how Jiminie gave the trophy to Yoongi cuz baby boy knows

tae: so show me army: i’ll show you~ {music core)

minho and tae hugging (music core)

tae’s aegyo in board game run ep

look at taehyung acting all cute in the back

when seokjin goes like (•3•) its the cutest thing ever

wow jimin was that an accident

YOONGI REALLY IMITATED HIM IM SKFJDJ

What 시 (si; hour) is it?

SUGA: honestly, I rlly liked pro-wrestling

a fancam of taehyung spilling his water on his face

ARMY giving hobi a flower with his face on it (fansign) (180603)

BTS: *on their way to a very serious interview on one of Korea's biggest news channels*

yoonkok instant hug BV S1

sunud-sunod na aegyo in anpanman outfits

jungkook pulled off straps and threw down two straps then taejin picked them up

legends say this is the closest rep of how hoseok looks in real life

Kihyun really had the courage to throw confetti in yoongi's face tho

52 year-old man is a director of a company in Japan dancing DNA

I stan a king of fan service he's so adorable!

when taehyung was fake crying and jimin came & softly hugged him from behind

this or that game

jk imitating his hyungs (180607 fansign)

HOW UNSEE THIS IM LAUGHINF SO HARD shkhhh (awake)

biggest mystery in kpop - who's collecting who in the background??? (taejin?)

SEOKJIN ENDED THE PERFORMANCE DOING A FINGER HEART... 180607

hopekook's modified mirror dance 180607 mcountdown

jk reacting to ariana grande bbmas 2018

Look a joonie :( look at him go :(

REMEMBER WHEN HOSEOK SAID HE WAS CLINGY WITH YOONGI (BV2)...

noona fan giving hobi and jimin “allowance”

namjoon drunk-tweeting?

carbonara

LOOK AT LIL MEOW MEOW GO (basketball)

look at jimin’s reaction when a noona gave him a finger heart

they had to throw the yellow cloth at the finish of the performance...

OTHER PICS:

tae being so accepting in star king ;w;

i may be not here since 2013, but im still lucky to witnessed yeontan's lil growth

remember when bangtan was running late for their show...

NAMJOON’S REPLY TO THE SELCA JIN POSTED OF HIM...

hobi and his hearts

ep 1& 2 of B.T.S. has at least cleared up 2 main issues in this fandom

RM has a little #WednesdayWisdom from Burn The Stage.

This photo is a complete mess.

yoongi’s kind of humor is my favorite

Their biggest dream isn’t to break records, its to stay together for a long time.

They recorded their interviews for the documentary when they did Gayo track 15

what jimin said here was really interesting and great

the most powerful twins

They decided not to blur these faces of people who's behind BTS’ success.

BTS calls their staff with nicknames, noona or hyung...

it really went from edits to jungkook actually saying it

IM CRYING BIGHIT PAID FOR YOONGIS TUITON :((

LMFAO at none of them even touching the salad

tae’s uneven eyelids

when jin got allowance from his dad to buy steak...

LOOK AT YOONGI RUN SJDNDNDNDN

give me a better photo transition I'll wait #euphoria

love yourself 起 wonder (2018)

jin being peymous even pre-debut

THIS STILL GOTTA BE THE FUNNIEST THING JOON HAS EVER SAID

the most remarkable twins in history

a turkish tv show asked for ppl to send in pics w their siblings and someone sent in jin and jimin

taehyung’s a legend that listens to music on his laptop on the go

onigiri yoongi

MY MOTHER CAME INTO MY ROOM AND ASKED IF JIMIN IS MY BOYFRIEND

jung hoseok aka the king of mirror selcas

Tiny bestfriends vmin who have been inseparable since kindergarten AU

old bts pics I still can't believe exist: a thread

yoongi at namjoon's graduation (w/ hoseok)

I COMBINED TAEGI'S PICS TOGETHER AND OH MY GOD SJSB

"i put sticker on my carrier" yeah ryt

oh nothing just seokjin casually putting his LG G7 ThinQ at his jacket pocket

He show his flower uwu

taehyung accidentally becoming a meme on diplo's snapchat

Never forget Jungkook's Hongdae adventures

THANKS JIN for not killing jungkook

liam’s post of namjoon :D

that one time namjoon tweeted a picture of them with the caption of “we are all fools”

A 59-year-old friend of mine talking about Love Yourself:Tear

I was worried because I thought yoongi kept doing some kind of gang sign but--

This has to be the best reaction to a non-fan of BTS...

when you are sitting beside BTS but mcflurry ice cream is life

why is this exactly what all of their mixtapes sound like

dispatch - yoongi, fake love

taehyung’s chubby cheeks when he smiles

taehyung and his tea

OMFGGMFM LOOK AT Tyra Banks when boys went up for their award she’s a whole Mood I love her

BTS FESTA 2018 prediction

carry him again, jin

I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA CLOWN HIM

top10 mistranslations betrayal

Yoongi doing ᵗʰᵃᵗ smile

wide open yoongi

brigada eskwela stairs album art

jin flower petals (fansign)

namjoon vs svt jihoon

yoongi continuing his lil meow meow agenda

These two cuties just melted my whole heart (tae and tanie)

So... are we gonna talk about how they drew one stickman thicker than the rest

Low key promoted BTS the past 3 weeks in our hospital...

The exact same cat, same plant & same island taken 1 year apart. (ARMYSelca)

yoongi bunched up(?)

#bts #twitter #my post

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insatiablestitches · 4 years

Text

BIG ASS MENTAL BREAKDOWN RANT DO NOT READ ITS SUPER TRIGGERIG BUT IM SELF DESTRUCTIVE AND POSTING IT ANYWAYS BECAUSE I CRAVE ATTENTIONM

My rapist is getting arrested within the next couple days. I’m scared of going to court since I’m quite sure it’s going to go there and fuck idk. I sleep in past my counselling sessions because I can’t fall asleep at night and when I’m finally able to sleep I don’t want to wake up for as long as possible. I can’t get over the fact that I am a burden, financially and mentally, to my entire family. My entire existence consists of me sleeping, eating, pissing, shitting, crying, flashbacks, panic attacks, dissociation, self harming and mental breakdowns. I’m physically incapable of doing anything else but until this shit goes to court I’m just going to try as hard as I can to survive. I haven’t even been able to see any psychiatrists or psychologists to get even a fucking diagnosis because I’m just such a fucking burden and they can smell it from a mile away. I’ve tried contacting ducking DOZENS of people but none are interested. Not even the people who are paid to help me want to get anywhere near me. I genuinely want to do a suicide attempt just so people understand how much being raped has ruined me, maybe then I’ll get help. I just don’t want to bring any attention to it or do it before we go to court and he gets his charges just in case it means I’ll be stopped from doing it in the future. I’m still under 18 so at least the public mental health care is still alright for me, I have no ducking clue what I’m going to do in a years time becausethen I’ll be locked up with literal criminals because of the actions of what one person did to me one night. I’ve been told for 10 months things will get better. Sure I’m not as depressed cause I’m on anti depressants but now I can actually feel all of the pain constantly overwhelming me and the only thing that stops it is the physical pain caused by me literally cutting my own goddamn skin open, how fucked is that and how fucked am I? There’s something strangely grounding and satisfying about running my fingertips over the fresh scabs that form after i cut. I’m worried I’ll scar myself permanently too if I do it too often or too deep. I don’t want other people judging and assuming my story, when telling it puts me in danger for manipulation and more pain. Even though they will help me keep away from those who think down on people who have and do self harm I don’t want to have a reminder of this pain every time I look down at my arms or see my shoulders in the mirror. Fuck I also miss how it feels to have a strong romantic bond with a partner. I got a boyfriend a couple months ago and he was fucking perfect, but my issues triggered his depression so he left me. You’re always #1, I understand that, but everyday I miss the safety and feeling that everything’s going to be okay that I felt when we texted, he spoke to me and when I was in his arms. I fucking hate myself, there’s nothing wrong with my body physically I literally couldn’t give a shit about that, but just the fact that it was _this_ body that was raped absolutely disgusts me. I shouldn’t expect anyone to love me while I feel this way about myself, using people as emotional crutches is toxic and unhelpful but in the moment it makes me feel almost okay and compared to the rest of my existence fucj that’s so incredible. The only times I’ve been happy this year was when I was high. Fuck it feels so good to just not have everything swirling around in my head constantly and to be able to just chill out and laugh, without immediately remembering how pathetic I really am. The other upside is that my senses heighten and sex is fucking brilliant, plus I normally have no bad reactions after it and I can just vibe without the risk of a flashback at any point. The fact that I’m actually happy when I smoke is the reason why I don’t smoke ever. It’s too painful after to have such a recent memory of it, which makes me want to smoke more until it would trap me in a viscous loop which I cannot afford. I’ve actually never paid for weed cause I normally smoke when I sleep with guys and obviously the man has to pay for the dinner on the first ;)

Idk if this is glitched or what but I’m going to continue here. I’m just fucked. Everyone at my school hates me or thinks I’m annoying at the very least. In the past couple months only a handful of people have been bothered to ask me how I am going, to which I respond honestly with “I’m going through A LOT right now” and they always say they’re there to talk, but the moment I tell anyone what I’ve gone through and how horribly I’m dealing with it they get scared off so I just prefer to stay vague and mysterious. I can’t wait to graduate. I was meant to this year but honestly I doubt I’ll even graduate next year, that’s if I make it. Does tumblr have a content detection bot? Like will it read this and be like well shit this girl needs help and call a fucking ambulance or something to my house? Dear tumblr bot I’m okay for now but if you’re able to make mental health professionals actually give a shit about me PLEASE TELL ME.

I was told once I told my family and reached out things would get better and I’d get help. I spent 7 months in fear, stupidly may I add. I had a fucking monumental breakdown the night my bf broke up with me, which made me write a text to my mum about it. It’s been 3 months since then, and I don’t have the anxiety of my family not knowing anymore and some other shit, but things aren’t as great as people made it out to be. At least when my family didn’t know I was worried about the same few things, the police not being able to move forward with their investigation, me not getting sufficient help and support and some other shit I can’t remember at 6am. I always had a hope that kept me going which was that once my family knew I could actually get help. It’s fair to say that hasn’t happened, and things have gotten worse. 3 months ago I wouldn’t think of self harming, now I do it once every couple days, i would never have considered trying to kill myself even “for attention”, but now it’s something I always have in the back of my mind for if my rapist doesn’t get a decent sentence. Fuck now I’m upset about this. I just don’t want him to hurt anyone else. Nobody deserves to experience what I have to go through daily, possibly for the rest of my fucking life. I just am constantly so worried about this, what if there are others? And my inaction until July caused someone else to experience something similar to me. I don’t know if I could handle that news. Fuck there are birds chirping outside I’ve been up for so long, now I might not ever be able to get to sleep now.

It’s strange how I enjoy the warmth that happens on my skin after I cut it while it’s freshly healing. Idk, it’s like irritation but there was no bacteria trying to get in so it won’t hurt for long. I’m too much of a pussy to cut deep because I want to be in non psych ward bliss for just a little bit. Hey wait I’m gonna go send a text to a friend to maybe hang out and do some naughty stuff to try and make me feel better lol.

I apologise to anyone who actually read this, but thanks for listening I guess this helped me through a breakdown. I might not post it actually, wait fuck it I’m gonna lmao. Alright nightttt

#vent #rant #triggering

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unnervingswag · 7 years

Note

can you please answer all of the questions🙏

Holy shit. Yeah sure wow haha. Sadly I haven’t been on a date since the last ask though so just keep that in mind. I’m really inexperienced for an 18 year old whoops.

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

Maybe a carnival/fair? OH or a planetarium?????? That sounds pretty snazzy. Anything but a movie tbh.

2. whats your “type”

Female. I honestly don’t know though. For awhile I mostly liked androgynous/soft butch girls but I mean femme girls are great too?? And like… all girls in between??? Girls are great?????? Idk this is too hard.

3. do you want kids?

YES

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?- answered!

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on- answered!

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)- ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I’m a virgin.

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

Night time. I mean PREFERABLY would I want to be a morning time gay? Yeah sure.. but that doesn’t stop me from staying up until 4/5 am every night.

8. opinion on nap dates?- answered!

9. opinion on brown eyes?

Fucking stunning??? They’re so warm and beautiful I love them.

10. dog gay or cat gay?

Probably dogs. I looooove cats but I need a clingy as fuck animal. I need to know I’m needed lmfao. (Also I like playing rough and the with playful doggers.)

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?

Yeah?? All animals are great. I would probably be wary if it was like a tarantula or something.

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone

If they don’t really get my sarcasm/sense of humor… This is an official callout post to some of the girls I’ve spoken to on Her geez.

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

I thought being gay was a terrible and gross thing to be. I don’t know if that counts?? But I only saw gay used as an insult on youtube. My parents never explained it to me so that was my first encounter with the term gay. God youtube also got 11 year old me saying lesbo and f*g before I even realized what it meant. ALSO jenna marbles made this one video called Girl Crush (i think) and when I was curious about my sexuality I found that. I thought all girls just weren’t attracted to boys and my crushes on girls was just a normal Straight thing to do. I mean that only repressed it until I was 14 until I called bullshit but still. That was more of a misconception about myself but I think it counts because I am a L person in the lgb.

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

Listen man don’t stress too much about your sexuality. I know you feel like you’re lying to yourself and everyone around you if you don’t know EXACTLY who you are at this moment.. but you’ll figure it out. It’ll be fine and you won’t feel uncomfortable about it eventually. ALSO FUCK NICOLE YOU DON’T NEED HER SHE NEVER LOVED YOU.

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?- not applicable

16. who is an ex you regret?

I’m gonna say an ex-crush- Nicole because fuck her.

17. night club gay or cafe gay?

Probably night club; they sound really fun and I can’t wait to go to one.

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for

pffffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt no one. Plus I would “go” bisexual if anything?

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?

Moviesssss!!

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

Pricefield from Life is Strange.

21. favourite gay youtuber

I like watching Shane Dawson sometimes. (He’s bisexual though.)

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?

Nooope. I’ve never asked anyone out period. I’m a coward. :)

23. have you ever been in love?

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk. One sided love is a thing right? If it’s supposed to be mutual then no.

24. have you ever been heartbroken?

yea

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone

OKAY SO LIKE USUALLY I DONT GET THIS WHOLE THING. Like I’m usually just gay for people?? Like maybe I’ll like a certain feature of them that I want but I never wanna BE someone. If I like someone that much I probably just wanna be with them.

26. favourite lgb musician/band

MY QUEEN HAYLEY KIYOKO I SAW HER IN CONCERT AND IM LOVE HER??

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays

Figuring yourself out is a long process that you don’t need to rush. Feelings are hard to sort out and may take years. It’s okay to figure out something new about yourself and change your label. There’s no penalties in life, I promise. ALSO! Stay safe please. Don’t come out if you’re not comfortable. You’re not any less apart of this community if you’re not out.

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

I mean yeah I’m “out.” Not to everyone I’ve ever known but to most of the people who matter. Stop here if you don’t wanna read every coming out story lmao.

My first time actually coming out was in 9th grade. I told these two girls and they were totally fine with it. (one is still one of my best friends…. my other best friend now didn’t take it well since she’s religious. She tolerates it.) Then I told this other girl I was friends with and it was a disaster. Nicole was a fucking bitch and I’ll never forgive her. My mom found out because I was dropping hints and she asked me. She was totally fine with. I told my sister and she said she knew. I still don’t know how. Now fast forward almost 3 years… I tell my dad. It wasn’t great. He doesn’t “get” it and thinks he failed me somehow as a dad. But he said it was fine eventually but we still don’t generally speak about it. I told my grandma right after my dad a few months ago with a gay joke. She took it BAD. She said I’m not old enough to know what I want. She still refers to me marrying a man in the future.

ANNNNND That’s all folks!

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have

My grandma’s was the most uncomfortable. My other best friend was kinda strange. (The one who took it kinda bad.) I was venting to her how Nicole yelled at me for coming out and I completely forgot I never told her I wasn’t straight. It was super awkward when her eyes widened and she said, “Uh.. wait, you’re not straight?” and then I realized my mistake.

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

As I said before, above all else STAY SAFE!!! That’s the number one priority for you. I know you want to express every wonderful part of who you are, but if there’s any possibility of having to face negative consequences while doing so… do not do it. Wait. Wait until you’re out of the toxic and unsafe environment. Also maybe find an outlet online? Tumblr or LGBT youtube usually did the trick for me. (Of course erase the browsing history haha). Always remember you’re not alone, even if it feels it.

Okay…… that’s all of them wow. You’re amazing if you read even like a portion of that. Okie dokie thanks to the anon!!

#long post//#sorry yikes...#asks #anon

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the-long-lost-ebony-blog · 7 years

Text

my suicide attempt from kinphobia -- really really long post!!

TW FOR SUICIDE, SUICIDE ATTEMPT, HOSPITAL, FRIEND BETRAYAL, DOCTORS, ABUSE, KINPHOBIA, ANXIETY, SELF HARM , PEDOPHILE MENTION, and MAYBE DOXXING!!!

well um. remember a while back when i was all super worried about a girl in chem class almost finding out i'm kin? yeah. it happened. it happened like a month ago. so i actually started being friends with her after she'd obvs had a bad day, like she was just sitting in the hall and i felt sorry for her bc she'd been crying. i started talking to her and asked if she was okay, now at that point she had no idea that i might be kin. i hid it really well! until!! she said that kin itself is a mental illness. and i couldn't help myself. i fuckin went off on her. kin isn't a mental illness, not all kin are mentally ill, etc etc. she just froze up and had this look of absolute disgust on her face. i tried to backpedal and say that she was just using the words wrong, and she was insulting mentally ill ppl but noo, she caught on.

i just sorta made an excuse and left but it turns out that later on, she'd gone onto my facebook which i don't put on here for reasons like this lol. she dug through my timeline and a bunc of old photos and found like... a kin positive graphic from 2009 or something. it was a thing saying that i was "kin and proud" or whatever. (back then i thought i might be therian or otherkin. not fictionkin.))

now, i am in college but for summers i go home to live with my parents. that's where i am now. so here's where it gets worse. tw for stuff above. she went onto their facebook pages and got their emails. and she sent them both email as "a concerned friend". she told them that she was friends with me from class, and that i'd been acting weird lately -- like, not myself, low self esteem, spent all my time talking to strange people on tumblr, took 'a certain satire writing' (my source!! ugh) too seriously, and was really disconnected from reality.

okay so the deal with my parents: they really are supportive of gender stuff (even though i'm a cis girl and was cis in canon) and different sexualities, and disabilities. they are also anti trump and want free health care and wish we did not start shit with russia. like they are not bad people. but in the past , i'd started to ask them for advice on if i was kin. i had to explain what kin was. and they were p much horrified that this exists. they think that it "locks people into fiction and imagined reality" and "stunts their phsyclogical (not sure how to spell) development" and "teaches suffering kids to use escapism instead of therapy or self help". basically they are super ableist when it comes to kin. and they think it's ridiculous that it's actual community. stupid me, i'd literally said (before they said all that) that "i think i'm an otherkin, i feel uncomfortable as i am right now". so i pretended to agree with them on kin being bad. but then when this girl sent them the email.... i was home. with them.

they would not shut up aboout how terrible this was for me, how i was hurting myself, how they never should have let me on tumblr, how they shouldve watched me closer, how i don't owe "these people" anything (you guys are my friends!!!) how this community is toxic, how i badly needed therapy. okay okay -- i need therapy! but it's for depression! not for being ebony!! and it was like this every single fucking day, and a lot of cringe blogs have been posting shots of my blog. that's because she's sent anon tips to them outing me as kin, outed me to my parents, and all the other ppl from class i was friends with? she spred a rumor that i was a pedophile apologist and didn't think authors' work was original, to make them stay away from me. i would have been here on tumblr -- ut they monitored all the stuff i did on the internet. i could only write poetry and watch youtube and like check the fucking weather. and i could shop on amazon. they became so ridiculously strict. it was "to protect me" but no. they refused to udnerstand that kin heps me!

everything came to a head that night. they took a way my laptop, they took away my phone, they made me disconnect from everything that was related to kin. and they sent me to a therapist who was... well. awful. she was blatantly kinphobic, she'd had kin patients before and claimed to have cured them of being kin. this bitch had glowing reviews everywhere. when i insisted that i actually was ebony, she told me that i was taking "imagination as a coping skill" to far. she would not let me explain anything. my parents, who i usually came to for advice and liked, didn't let me explain. any mention of kin was just shut down.

and then i couldn't anymore. i am so sorry, i just couldn't do it. and i was so angry at them. i was angryer at the bitch classmate who outed me to them. i wrote a sucide note telling them that i'd attempted before but kin saved my life, that i was sorry i couldn't be better, that all i ever wanted was to find my true self, that if i couldn't be ebony then i couldnt be at all. TW!! when they were asleep i went down to the medicine cabinet, i put a basket of my favorite things on the table, and i put the letter in it. and then i took.... jeez i dont even know what.

the next thing i knew i was awake in the hospital. god it hurt all over. i just remember feeling super sick but really wanting food, and my head hurt, and it hurt to keep my eyes open. i was just... aching. and i was so disappointed and so scared that i'd failed. i knew my parents were furious with me and i'd never talk to my friends again. when they came in to finally talk to me , well i don't remember what happened. i blocked it out. but i do remember that they weren't angry at me, they were mad at themselves. they are still kinphobic, but they want me to be comfortable with myself without "having to believe i'm ebony".

when i recovered enough to be sent home they spent all their time with me until i said i needed to be alone. so they gave me a break but they came back, they said that they'd read about how to help me. all the advice they got said that they shouldn't isolate me and they shouldnt cut off my contact from my friends. so i'm allowed to be on tumblr a little, i'm allowed to talk about kin a little, they think that i'll grow out of it with lots of help. shutting me down about it will make me restless and i might atempt again.

i am currently in therapy. i dk what my new therapist thinks of kin. i try not to talk about it with her bc i'm scared that she'll be hostile and i'll relapse. overall going to see her is not stressfull as long as i don't alk about being ebony. i just kinda pretend that i don't have a sense of my own identity, so she's trying to help me build one. i did tell her about how i had a frend that spread horrible rumors about me and shared my secrets bc i did something she didn't like, i didn't do anything wrong though. she was really sympathetic bc when she was a teenager, fake friends spread rumors about her being bi and said it meant she was cheating on her boyfriend. so yeah she is helping but kin helps too. i'm not going to tell her about it bc i can't have it taken away from me again.

thats why i've been gone so long. i'm on new meds too, antidepressants, so i might act weird or be emotional a lot. and im trying not to self harm but i slip up and cut sometimes where no one can see it.

i know i have a lot of messages. guys im really really sorry but i have to delete them. there are self care request, have to delete, i'm sorry. it's just.... if i the messages, i feel sick bc it' like i missed a deadline over and over and i feel like people are going to be mad at me and i feel like i cant fix it. if you sent requests, please sent them again SLOWLY over the next couple days. im doing everything i can to get better. but i need your help.

#long post #Suicide #hospital #suicide mention #note #kinphobia #self harm tw #cutting #depression

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