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#WARN PEOPLE who are hearing about it but have no context
gglitch1dd · 2 days
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Well... aren't you a pretty doll? Pt 5-END
Army Soldier Midoriya Izuku x Secretary Reader
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Context: Your husband finally comes back from war into your waiting arms
Note: Set in the 1940s/1950s
Warning: PTSD, mention of the after effects of war.
[PART 4] [Letters to and from a soldier during war] [Well… aren’t you a pretty doll- Masterlist]
You focused your eyes forward as you and Mina sat in the bus along with other wives of soldiers that escaped to the island of Okinawa. You were nervous, admittedly so. You fiddled with your fingers as you tried to remember that Izuku had promised you that he would come back to you. Yes, you haven’t heard from him in over two weeks but last you heard of his squad, they were heading your way.
If there was one man who would make it back, it would have to be your Izuku. It had to be. You bit down on your bottom lip as you tried your best not to stress yourself. You looked down to little Yuna who lay in her mother’s arms surprisingly asleep even with all the loud commotion going on around her. She was in a little quilt blanket you and Mina had knitted just for her while your husbands were away at war. The little one was not older than three weeks and was slowly gaining weight with each passing day.
You smiled down at her. Mina let out a sigh as she looked up out the window as you all got closer to the docks. “I wonder if he’ll like her. Eijiro is a good man but I wonder if we’ll be good parents. I don’t want to do our little girl wrong cause her mother was too damn young and didn’t know a thing.”
“Hey.” You put an arm around her to calm her down. “Mina, you are one of the strongest women I know. You and Eijiro will be just fine, and besides.” You gave her a sweet smile. “Izuku and I will just be across the hall. We’ll be here to help.” You told her truthfully.
She smiled with a soft giggle. She gave you a gentle shove. “Or get experience.”
You tried to fight a blush at the comment as you looked down at your hands. “If he’s up to it. I don’t know if he will. He just got back.”
“They say war makes men hasty.” You gave her a pointed look with a slap of her arm making you chuckle.
Sooner than later, the bus came to a stop as you both sat together. You stood up, being careful of everyone else as you got off the bus. You guided Mina over to one of the officers. It was incredibly busy right now, with soldiers reuniting with their worried loved ones and ships docking off and unloading.
“Excuse me, sir.” You started as you both headed to the front of the line. “Good afternoon, we’re looking for a Midoriya Izuku and Kirishima Eijiro.”
He looked up from his notebook, his eyebrows raising in surprise.  “Are you Mrs Midoriya? The colonel’s wife?” You nodded your head. He smiled. “It’s a mighty honour to meet you, ma’am. All your husband ever talked about was you.” At that news, you couldn’t help but smile hearing that. “Him and Kirishima are just over there at section 2. They just arrived not too long ago.”
You both bowed, saying your gratitudes as you raced over to where he had motioned to. Your heart was beating out of your chest. You felt as though he was so close but also so far. So far away from your arms. So far away form you. You felt as though you could barely breathe even as you went to that section.
“Izuku!” You called, being careful of all the other soldiers and reuniting crying wives that were in their arms or trying to find their husbands too. “Eijiro! Izuku!” You shouted.
“Doll!”
At the sound of the nickname, you paused as you swivelled your head. You had to find him. You moved to try and get out of the crowd of people, moving to the side. Just there, you saw the back of his green head. He turned around frantically, long green hair brushing against his forehead as he turned to find you. His eyes widened as they locked onto your form for the first time in 9 months. He let out a stuttered breath, tears coming to his eyes.
You felt the tears you had been fighting spill from your eyes as you could barely keep yourself up straight. “Izuku!” You ran over to him
“Y/N!” He quickly ran towards you and wrapped his arms around you. You grabbed onto his warm shirt, holding onto him, never wanting to let go again. He smelt just like you left him. He was finally back in your arms, and you were sobbing like a baby. You couldn’t control yourself, the sobs escaping your lips as you cried into his chest. He was shaking as he held you, so tightly as if he wanted to become one with you just like that. “Oh doll… my beautiful, beautiful wife.” He whispered.
You moved to look up at his face. You pulled his head down to kiss him. He pressed down against you, kissing you back, tears slipping from his eyes. A stuttered breath left him. You gave him another kiss and another. Until you just buried your face in his chest. “You’re back.”
“I’m back.”
“Oh thank God.” You sobbed as you held onto him. “I was so worried.”
He let out a stuttered breath as he kept you pressed against him. Tears fell from his eyes as he held onto you. So many times he had thoughts of never returning to you, about never seeing your face again, and that fear pushed him along even when he feared death was staring him in the face. It was only now, with you in his arms, did he realise how good life was knowing that you were still here in it with him.
“How are you, my love?” He asked looking down at you, cupping your face in his hands to stare down at you. His eyebrows furrowed. “Are you alright? Are you well? How are you fairing here?”
You smiled as you felt his rough hands against your face. You missed him, so terribly so. “I am well. I came here with Mina and the baby.” You looked to your right and Midoriya followed your gaze for it to land on the Kirishima family, young and finally in each other’s arms as well.
Kirishima held his newborn girl in his arms, tears in his ruby eyes as he laughed in disbelief, looking down at her so tenderly as he kept an arm around his wife. It was a warm sight to behold and one you were glad you could see.
Midoriya smiled at the sight. “Well, isn’t that just a blessing.” He said softly. “An entire family together. What a rare sight.” Your husband turned to say something to you when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Midoriya turned around to see one of his friends, a smile on his face. “Kacchan. There you are.” Your husband said but you saw him move his hands to sign in JSL to his blond friend. You turned to look at the blond soldier who was dressed formally. “I was looking all over for you.” Your husband signed, before looking down at you. “I found Y/N.”
Bakugou turned to look down at you. Despite the blond having a new scar by his neck he otherwise looked fine and you wouldn’t have known he had lost his hearing. He didn’t smile, like usual but he bowed to you. “Hey there dollface.” He let out in a grunt.
You smiled. You took a moment. You lifted up your hands trying to remember how you learnt in the books. “Afternoon, Katsuki.” You signed slowly, taking him by surprise, his eyebrows raising in shock that you had learnt to sign. Midoriya turned to look at you surprised as well but then his face eased, a happy smile on his face.
Midoriya turned to face you. “I know this is pretty short notice, doll but can Kacchan stay with us for a while?” He asked, signing while he spoke to you so that the blond could understand. The blond soldier in question, nearly sprung his neck as he turned to look at the green haired man next to him. Clear shock on his face.
You smiled. You knew that Bakugou did not have any other family here, which is why you didn’t mind at all. That and your husband seemed pretty fond of him. You shook your head. “Not at all. Your mother said she’ll be in the apartment next to ours and Mina and Eijiro are right across from us. It’s perfect.”
You opened your eyes as you heard a gasp in bed. You turned around to see your husband sitting up right on your futon, his hands clutching the blanket that was over the both of you. His eyes were wide as he breathed heavily, his pupils thin as he broke out into a sweat.
 You furrowed your eyebrows as you sat up. “Honey?” You put your hand on his shoulder, making him turn to look at you. “Are you-”
You were pulled into his arms, making your eyes widened. His grip on you was hard, borderline painful as his big arms gripped you painfully tight. You felt his heartbeat was fast and hard in his chest as buried his face in the crook of your neck. You were quiet as you wrapped your arms around him. Midoriya had not been sleeping well since he got back, but he was slowly getting better.
You let him hold you and calm down. He was silent as he held you. “I’m sorry.” He whispered to you as his arms eased around you.  “I’m sorry.”
You shook your head. “No, don’t be sorry.” You moved a hand through his soft green curls as you rested against him, closing your eyes for a moment.
“I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t be acting like this. It’s over now.” He spoke lowly into your shoulder. “I need to-” He straightened up as he leaned back against the bed frame. “I need to get a job, I need to take care of you.”
“Izuku.” You put a hand to his face as you looked up at him sincerely. “That is stuff and nonsense.” You shook your head as you looked up at him. “You came back to me just a month ago. You need to rest. We still have our savings and the money that the army is still giving you.”
He shook his head. “That won’t put food on the table forever doll. I promised you, I’d take care of you.” His eyebrows furrowed. “Now that the war is over, the army has been mandated to reduce our soldier count by the other powers in the war. My most important skill was having the war to strategize about, but now…”
Your eyebrows furrowed. He had a point that you didn’t want to acknowledge. Now that the war was over, so many soldiers had been getting let go the past month. The bigger powers in the war that had won against Japan demanded that the army to split its size nearly half of what it was now. So many men losing their jobs, most still young teenagers or coming straight out of school and now had nothing more than high school.
“I promised-”
“Let me take care of you right now.” You urged as you put a hand through his hair. “Sweetness, you just came out of a war. You were fighting for your life.” You looked into green emerald eyes that were not as bright as they once were. You knew the memories and dreams that plagued him at night. You and the other wives talked about it, about how your husbands barely slept, how they would get jittery at even the loudest of sounds. It was a scary thing to see, the effects of war on men, but thus was their sacrifice as men. To die for their country, for the women they leave behind and the future that would be left for them. “Do you doubt me as your wife?”
Midoriya closed his eyes and sighed. “No, doll, I would never.”
“Then prove it, Izu.” You frowned up at him making him smile at the pout on your lips. You pulled him down back onto the futon, you dragged his head to rest on your chest as you hummed softly, carting your hand through soft curls. “There now. I’m here, Izu. You’re safe, you’re with me.” You spoke gently as you began to hum a soft tune. It took a second before your husband took a deep breath and closed his eyes, resting against you. His thoughts were now overshadowed by the loving feeling of your hands and the warm beat of your heart.
You stood in the kitchen, taking out the groceries as Midoriya sat on the chair in the sitting room, Bakugou had gone to Mina’s and Kirishima’s for the evening. You took out your cutting board and a knife right as the phone on the wall rang. You put down the knife. “I’ll get it!” You shouted over to your husband who let out a hum as he leaned back. You walked into the hallway and took the phone off the wall. “Midoriya residence, Mrs Midoriya speaking.”
“Mrs Midoriya, this is Sargent Aizawa Shota.” You straightened up at the name, remembering your husband’s leading officer. “Is your husband home?”
“Yes, sir. Do you need him?”
“Yes.”
“Give me a moment.” You put a hand to the bottom of the hand held part as you turned to look down the hallway. “Izuku! Sargent Aizawa is on the phone!”
His eyebrows furrowed as he sat up. “Sarg?” He put down the paper and stood up. He walked over to where you were, nodding to you in gratitude before answering the phone, allowing you to slowly walk back into the kitchen. “Sargent?” You were quiet as you tried to listen to whatever your husband was getting told. You slowly unpacked the wrapped meat and the loaves of bread you bought. “Yes, sir. We are free this evening.” You paused. “No, sir…. Yes, sir… May I ask why?” It took another moment. “I see. Alright. See you then, Sarg.” You heard him put the phone back on the wall and you tried to act as if you weren’t trying to soften your movements for him. “Doll.”
“Hm?” You turned to look at the opening in the kitchen.
Your husband looked at you for a moment before glancing back at the wall and looking at you again. “It seems as though the Lieutenant General and Sargent are coming over tonight.”
“Enji and Aizawa?” You asked surprised. Your husband nodded. “Did he say why?”
He shook his head, “Not at all. Do you mind making dinner for the four of us?”
“Not at all.” You quickly hurried to grab a bigger pot, realising that this dinner would be a bit unusual for the both of you.
You walked into the room in your pretty green kimono that Inko had made for you when you had gotten married to her son. Your husband was laughing with Sargent Aizawa and your former boss, Enji Todoroki. You crouched down, moving down onto your knees to set down the bottle of sake to drink.  
Enji took the sake moving to pour the sake down into the cup. He motioned to you with a nod. “Thank you, Y/N.” You bowed your head, keeping your hands on your lap at his gratitude.
Aizawa did the same before motioning to your husband. “All Might is going to be sworn in as the new minister of defense since the Emperor is renouncing his sovereignty.” Aizawa stated nonchalantly making your husband lower his cup from his mouth at the news. Your own eyes were wide in shock. You quickly put your head down, bowing out of the room as you took the tray and left to go into the hallway. However you stayed there, to listen to what more he had to say. “And with that, he wants you to come intern under him. Learn some politics and such, you’ll be in another sector of government but still vital to army plans. What do you say?”
You were silent as you peaked your head to look at your husband, knowing he was the only one who could see you. He seemed shocked, his eyes wide in surprise. He turned to glance over at you. You nodded your head eagerly, telling him to accept.
Midoriya cleared his throat as he shifted where he sat on his knees. “And this would entail moving from Okinawa to?”
“Tokyo.” Enji stated simply. “You’ll be going with Shoto and his wife. You can stay at our family home there until you get on your feet.”
Midoriya took a moment to think, his eyebrows furrowed as he thought to himself, his eyes downcasted. You watched your husband for a moment. He sighed as he closed his eyes. “Thank you for the offer, but I need to humbly decline.” He bowed at the waist in front of the two men. You closed your eyes as you moved to lean against the wall with a breath. Your husband was too humble for his own good.
Aizawa raised an eyebrow as he grabbed a sweet milk bun you had made. “May I ask why?”
“I am not worthy of such an opportunity, sir.” He stated, his head still down. “I don’t meet the credentials for such a job nor am I deserving of it.”
Aizawa opened his mouth to speak but Enji beat him to it with a scoff. “Midoriya,” He set his hands down on his lap as he looked over at the man across from him. “I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t like the thought of you being offered this job.” Your eyes widened at the way Enji said it. He sure had a way with his words. “However, if there is a man that deserves the job, it is you. You are one of the fastest learning men I have ever encountered. You are smart and you put in the time and effort in everything you do. If we stuck you in one of the nuclear power plants for a few years and took you out, you’d become one of those nerdy scientists, no questions asked. You were a perfect soldier, not for your physical ability but for you adaptability and mind.” Enji looked over to him with cold blue eyes but he had a genuine father-like tone to his voice. “Take the job. Jobs will become scarer now and you need to treat my little former secretary well. You are both still young, probably planning to start a family soon. Take the shot while you still have the chance.”
Midoriya took a second, taking in everything that Enji had just said to him, before looking down before looking towards the dark hallway where you stood silently hiding in the shadows to hear what he would say. He knew you wouldn’t contest anything he said infront of them right now, but he knew what you were thinking.
He swallowed down hard, before green emerald eyes flicked up to them. He sighed. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
“Yes!” You quickly slapped a hand over your mouth, shuffling to try and get to the kitchen before any of the men looked to find you there in the hallway.
All three pairs of eyes looked over to the hallway before shaking their heads, you not being the inconspicuous or incognito type.
Aizawa smiled. “Then we’ll see you in Tokyo.”
Midoriya and you walked hand in hand, the sound of the waves crashing against the ocean as you both walked along the sands. You watched as the sunset over the water, smiling at the sight. “I’m going to miss Okinawa.” You said softly. “It was wonderful here.”
Your husband hummed as he held your hand tightly. “It was.”
You smiled as you looked to the sunset. It was a beautiful sight. Today was your last day in Okinawa before you both moved to Tokyo for Izuku’s new job. You had since resigned as Enji’s secretary, considering that you would be moving, which meant you would be at home with Momo for the next few months before Izuku and you could save up to get your own place.
You leaned against him, tightening your hold on his hand as you put your head on his shoulder. You smiled. “Izuku, my love.”
“Yes, doll?”
You watched the waves crash against the shore not too far away from your feet as you looked at the sunset. You looked up at his face, only to find his eyes always on you. You doubt he has ever looked at a sunset while you were next to him. “How… how would you feel about maybe…” You looked away from him. “Well, with all the time we’ve been spending with the Kirishimas… It’s made me wonder on maybe we could… have a baby of our own.” You spoke softly. “Of course, after we’re settle for a while and maybe when we get our own place. Only if you think so, otherwise we can-”
“Doll.” You felt a hand to your face, making you turn to look up at him. His warm freckled face gave you a genuine smile as he looked down at you. His skin was illuminated by the setting sunlight. “I would give you the world if you wanted me to. You want a baby, I promise I’ll make sure your dream is a reality.”
You felt heat on your cheeks at his words as you giggled, and leaned your head against his chest. “Well… you are a man with many silly words, Izuku.” You teased
He kissed your forehead making you turn to look up at him. He cupped your face in his hands before chuckling. “Well, you aren’t you a pretty little doll, dollface?” You smiled at the first words he had ever said to you when you met. He leaned down to place a soft kiss to your face, making your breath stutter. “My wife.”
END
-Glitch1d
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misscammiedawn · 2 days
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Gender, Dissociation and Clinical Stigma - The Third Person
Before I begin I just want to note that typically Media, Myself and I entries are aimed at depictions of dissociative disorders in popular fiction. Today's entry is a graphic novel memoir by a transgender woman with dissociative identity disorder. As it's both not in the public zeitgeist and good representation by virtue of being lived experience of someone who struggled within the mental healthcare system I want to recommend people buy the book (or check it out of their local library). I fully support the artist and want to prop up something good and beautiful.
With that said, let's begin...
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CW: therapy abuse
With all the recent hysteria in the US and UK media over transgender healthcare it can be easy to forget the hurdles we all have to climb to receive care. Though Informed Consent is becoming more of a standard practice these days the DSM-5 Criteria for Gender Dysphoria indicates a 6 month requirement for observation before HRT can be prescribed. Many of us needed to jump the hoops of living 6-12 months "in the gender role that is congruent with their gender identity" before we were allowed to begin our gender journey in earnest.
Of course. This requires a clinician (or two for surgical options) to observe this, monitor it and sign off on it. But therapists are humans and are full of prejudice, bias and their own beliefs. They aren't guaranteed to think it is medically necessary or positive for a person seeking gender affirming care to receive it.
So where does DID fit into this picture?
A study, published in 2015, states clearly that 30% of transgender individuals met the criteria for a dissociative disorder.
Yet even still, The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH), the gold standard for transgender care included this warning in their Standards of Care up until September 2022.
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(source)
Fortunately that passage is no longer included in WPATH guidelines as of the 8th revision released in 2022. I shall say the above passage did grant a scare for us, though, as it was very much the practice when we were going for our surgery.
Standards of Care improve and medical understandings of both gender and dissociative care are becoming kinder towards clients.
Even still. There's always that fear. That months of therapy could be wasted on a clinician who was never going to sign off on HRT and was never going to believe our lived experience as a system.
We wouldn't have gotten nearly half as far as we have gotten without our therapist helping us identify our condition, manage our symptoms and develop cooperation and communication.
It's terrifying to think what life would be like if our symptoms not only went unmanaged, but we were made to feel fake and attention seeking by the very person we paid to take care of us...
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With that intro in mind, The Third Person by Emma Grove is a memoir told in graphic novel format over 920 pages covering the period of life where she began therapy in hopes of receiving feminizing HRT not realizing she had an undiagnosed case of dissociative identity disorder.
When one opens the book they will see an Author's Note declaring that every word in the book is as accurate as Emma's memory will allow and any edits are to streamline the story, not to tailor anything to match the author's point of view and there is a dedication:
"For Katina - We finally did one together"
The story proper begins in media res Winter 2004, as Emma asks her therapist if he would like to hear about the book she was reading and the therapist responds asking why the client decided to speak with him "as Emma" today. Emma, confused, does not understand the question and is probed about her parts, about Ed and Katina and about her childhood. That last word being enough to cause Emma to freeze up, dissociate and...
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This simple intro gives us all the context a reader needs to understand the antagonistic dynamic between Toby, the therapist, and his patient(s). Both client and patient are unable to understand the other and harbor suspicions about the other's intentions.
Without the context we only know Emma had a book, she no longer has a book and she suspects her therapist of being a mean person who is playing tricks on her.
We will get context later.
The first chapter of the book provides an introduction to the author's late teens and early 20s where they explore their gender identity and have their first experiences with their masked dissociative disorder.
The book goes to lengths to show the stress of the author dividing themselves between having to present male in their public life and sneaking out to bars where they can wear make-up, wigs and outfits to present female.
They take on their legal name, Ed, during their public life and when going out to clubs take the name Katina, from the first bar they visited presenting femme. The name Emma comes later when the system is working to transition into living as a woman in all aspects of their shared life.
The book patiently explores the stress of having to divide ones own self for their safety in spaces where they cannot present their truth without threat from an intolerant society. If 30% of transgender people suffer from dissociative disorders then a much higher number of them know the stress of having to compartmentalize themselves into different presentations for different audiences.
For us, we know that pain all too well. Our birth identity remains with us as a member of our own system. Less a ghost of our past and more a remnant of a mask we constructed to perform the version of self required for our safety.
The artwork does a good job of displaying switches and co-consciousness with subtle expression work, the hair style/wigs that each alter favors. For example we have the left displaying co-consciousness and a switch.
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As the years go on, Katina finds ways to go out to the club and exist in her comfort and Ed labors hard to ensure that they can live for the times they get to "become" themselves.
Katina is established to be a fierce personality who will get aggressive when people push against her. She loves to dance and sing and party at the club. She is both a free spirit without inhibition and a fierce protector who will keep the system safe.
I recall feeling a deep fondness and connection towards Katina when we first read the book.
Once the narrative has firmly established the history that lead to the system seeking HRT we are brought into the meat of the book. A white void with a sofa and an armchair. The therapist's office where Katina, Emma and Ed speak with Toby.
Toby is a trans man that Katina believes to be an ally who will sign off on their HRT once the prerequisite 3 month waiting period is over. Unfortunately over the course of those months Toby becomes aware of Emma and Katina's switches and is convinced that it would be unethical for him to sign off on HRT when it is possible that there may be another 'guy part' in there who will 'wake up' one day and decide that he did not want to transition.
To his credit, once Toby suspects a dissociative disorder he does offer Emma a referral to a specialist. They do not take it as they just want to be signed off for HRT and have no interest in exploring their situation beyond transitioning. So they stick with Toby, convinced that another transgender individual will support them.
Toby, however, sticks to his guns and refuses to agree until they manage the DID.
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In the opening, sampled above, Emma switches out at the mere mention of her childhood. Here we find that Katina will front any time Emma is made to think about her past and she refuses to allow Toby to force her to think about it or discuss it. She goes as far as to demand Toby promise not to push which, again, Toby refuses.
During this conflict both sides have exaggerated gestures of frustration, many exclamation points and underlined words. This is not a healthy dialogue at all. Toby is refusing to find middle ground or guide the therapy towards its intended destination. He denies all Katina's attempts to negotiate around the need to talk about her childhood (something she is convinced at this point has nothing to do with her stated goal of HRT) and continuously pushes that she needs to talk about it, without elaborating as to why.
Toby, untrained in dissociative disorders, is focused on getting her to open up about her childhood trauma. Katina, uninterested in exploring trauma, wants to be signed off for HRT. Neither side is willing to budge.
This isn't therapy. This is an argument.
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Recently I wrote a Tumblr post about the "Hair Dryer Incident"
The Hair Dryer Incident is a story about a patient with OCD whose life was being massively disrupted by the fear that they had left their hair dryer plugged in at home and it would burn their house down. The clinician advised them to take the hair dryer to work with them every day so that they could see the hair dryer with them and not have to drive home to ensure it was safely unplugged.
There was debate in medical circles about whether this was "enabling" because it did nothing to treat the illness, only managed the life disrupting symptom of needing to drive home to check that the dryer was not plugged in.
For Toby in this scenario he believes that allowing Emma to transition would be "enabling" the sickness that he perceives, that being dissociative identity disorder. He has brought his own baggage into the office and only views Emma and Katina as parts of Ed. No amount of Emma and Katina self-advocating in his eyes will change his mind because they are not "real" in his view.
Of course, he is not fully sold on Emma's condition being real either. There is a sequence in which Emma is left alone in the room and she, having a fascination with books, checks out Toby's bookshelf. This causes Toby to become suspicious and decide that Emma has been reading the medical textbooks on dissociative disorders in order to fake an illness and trick him.
This is not a healthy therapeutic alliance and Toby is breaking all 3 key pillars of establishing a strong patient/client partnership.
Much of modern therapy techniques are based on the concept of Therapeutic Alliance. The history of which dates back to Sigmund Freud and the concept of transference but was refined and redefined by Carl Rogers in the modern Patient Centered Therapy (sometimes referred to as Rogerian Therapy).
With that in mind let's examine the 3 key elements of successful PCT(*) and how Toby failed.
Lead with a Patient Centered Approach This means to check all baggage at the door. Cultural biases have no room inside the clinic (during the book Toby openly mocks Emma's faith in God) and that the patient's priorities are the ones that should be focused on. Both client and clinician should be on the same page of what treatment is being sought, what goals are and how they will be achieved. Toby and Emma (or Katina and Ed) never establish this agreement during their time together. Katina/Emma/Ed are firm in their desire to transition and Toby is firm on his refusal to allow this until the DID is addressed.
Set clear goals with a treatment plan. A good treatment plan will have dates, targets and regular review and reward honesty for both/all parties involved in the alliance. Toby is telling Emma and Katina that they need to open up about their childhood but does not explain how this will benefit or what their goals are. Simply "it's good to talk about it" with no direction or assurances.
Regularly review satisfaction with the therapeutic process, relationship, and treatment plan. This element states that it is important that the clinician be upfront with any potential misdiagnosis and discuss any skepticism in the process and lead from a position of patient satisfaction. I do not need to highlight how Toby failed to lead from a position of patient satisfaction here.
Clearly Toby has a personal concept of what the correct approach is and is holding Emma/Katina's gender affirming care hostage until they can satisfy his unspoken objectives. Correctly applied PCT should be a discussion of mutual agreement and achievable goals worked over a period of time. Toby is not applying these principals at all. His modality simply seems to be "talk about it." I'll be an ethical writer who discloses their biases and say I despise PCT/Rogerian therapy. It is, however, the leading modality within western therapy and it is well researched. Not to mention it is the modality Toby appears to be utilizing in the book. I firmly disagree with Freud on all things (except the concept of infant experiences have lifelong ramifications. A broken clock is right twice a day) and disagree with Rogers on the idea that the client has all of the answers and needs to get out of their own way. An issue with this is that DID is a covert disorder and it will do everything it can to stay hidden. PCT does not offer an environment where patients will be able to navigate their condition as unless they are aware of their symptoms, how and when they manifest and are open to discussing those facts they will naturally steer away from circumstances that would lead to a diagnosis. Most people, including myself, have to exist in the mental healthcare system for 5-12 years before being correctly diagnosed with DID(*) and will experience a number of incorrect diagnoses before finding appropriate care. For us it was 9 years and 7 diagnoses. So. Toby's directive is that the system needs to get to the root of the condition and neither Katina nor Emma are willing to open up about their childhood. Katina continues sticking to her guns and refuses but Emma, desperate to start her medical transition, agrees to open up and the two form a shaky alliance where week by week the pair go back and forth between alliance and conflict. In time Emma describes her childhood being raised by her grandfather who was physically abusive towards her. All too quickly Katina's fears are justified by Toby's combative approach to patient care. One session Emma demands to know why she cannot work on her DID while she transitions and Toby states firmly that she is "not transsexual" which triggers Emma to dissociate into a black void that no one can reach her within. She wanted to be seen and regarded as a woman and a trans man told her flat out that he cannot and does not see her as such. Going back to the hair dryer incident as a reference for a moment. Ed is a member of the system and does show up for therapy on some days. At a point Katina, fed up with being denied treatment, makes a plan to quit their job and start a new life living as a woman 24/7. Ed creates a safety net to prevent this from ruining their collective life and continues to work in the meanwhile. Ed's role in the system has been ground down to working and working alone. He spends his days keeping so busy that he cannot dwell, a panel having the thought bubble "I can't slow down! If I slow down I have to think!" which is depressingly relatable to how we were in the worst years of repressing our gender identity. If Ed is unhappy living as a closeted man who has to occupy himself 24/7 to stop from caving in on himself, if Emma and Katina are both completely stunted by their inability to transition; is it ethical to allow them to transition and to work on their condition while allowing them the freedom to live openly as their chosen gender and prevent a circumstance that is harming the entire system? Toby seems to think it is enabling.
30% of the transgender individuals in the study above were observed to meet the criteria for a dissociative disorder. Living a life where one must mask has severe detrimental impacts on a person's psychology. This is true not just for transgender individuals but for those with autism (*) and other individuals on the LGBT spectrum (*) where the cognitive dissonance between who a person values themselves to be versus how they must present to the world causes the mind to dissociate further and allow contrary thinking to exist in individual pockets of a person's life as well as creates an alienation of the self. Healing under these circumstances requires accepting and embracing oneself, not creating a further divide.
After Toby "caught" Emma looking at the bookshelf he became convinced that she was faking her condition. That she had been plucking symptoms from a book and performing them for him. That she fit the criteria "too well"
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Emma rightfully demands to know why she would complicate her receiving HRT by doing something that prevents her being able to. The pair bicker and Toby cuts off the session abruptly.
in the heat of the moment, assuming that Emma was an attention seeker who does not deserve care, Toby declares "Your grandfather was right to hit you."
Even Emma later admits later that therapy should have ended with Toby right there and then. Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. Alas, a mixture of finances and sunk cost keep Emma returning to the chair week after week.
Being trans and having DID are terrifying. In order to receive care and treatment we must insist to a world that what is happening in our hearts and minds is true in spite of all that the world outside tells us is true. We need to not only reach that conclusion within our own lives but must express that truth loud enough that the people around us see it, regard it and accept it.
As so many things in this world are, it's so hard to earn and so easily burned.
"You're faking it for attention" is such an easy sentence to fling at someone and in a therapeutic setting all things should lead to curiosity. Even if a person were faking, it's not normal and healthy behavior for someone to do that. Toby is displaying a complete lack of curiosity and compassion. He is framing himself as the victim in a potential deception from someone who is paying what little money they can put together to receive his care.
I hate Toby.
As the story continues, Emma and her system begrudgingly continue, flitting back and forth between a healthy and unhealthy dynamic with their therapist that shares a lot of similarities to abuse honeymoons. It is worth noting that as the book is a memior it will inevitably be painted with the author's personal view of past events because, as discussed in the Umineko article on recontextualized memories, a human mind cannot avoid applying present understandings to past experiences when recalling memory. This is seen in the book when we see things that Emma cannot possibly have witnessed, such as Toby's facial expression after she leaves the office.
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This is not to throw shade at how Emma depicts her former therapist, as he was quite horrid to all 3 of them and quite obviously did more harm than good during their time together. I just wish to note that skewed perspectives are an inevitability. Even still. They do make some progress in talking about the situations. We come to learn of the system origins and how Katina was a friend to the young and lonely child they used to be and that their abusive childhood was centered around physical abuse from their grandfather. While discussing this Emma notes that she could make Katina go away forever with a single phrase. A few short words that she can never ever say and mean or Katina would go away and never come back... and I think that's where I'll stop with the synopsis. I (specifically me, Dawn) broke down in tears the first time I read the book and I have no will to put myself through that again at this exact moment and I wish for you all to have the catharsis of experiencing it for yourself.
I will say in way of positivity that the story is quick to make its conclusions in the final chapters by displaying therapy done right and the fact that even if parts can no longer be heard or even felt, they will always endure in moments where they can add a little color to the world.
They got to write this book together, after all.
For all the sadness this memoir elicits it speaks an honest and hard truth of the desperation, isolation and confusion that can be found in managing sentiments of identity and gender in a time when there was so little understanding and acceptance, particularly for transgender people.
We are lucky these days to have the internet as it is where we can create community and find our people and in finding our people have a better understanding of who we are and how we can live our truths. Visibility of transgender and plural populations has been increasing in part due to the fact we are able to feel unalone and forge community.
2004 did not have those luxuries and I am saddened that Emma Grove had to live through that stigma and lost so much time to unethical and prejudice care from a clinician.
I do hope that in the future we can continue accepting and encouraging one another and living lives where we are not forced to hide, mask or pretend.
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For other Media, Myself and I articles, please check out the following:
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dyemelikeasunset · 9 months
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this is kind of obscure but like. Now that I have comics out in the world and people are starting to see my storywriting, I feel like I have a little more confidence in myself and the sensitive-but-serious stories that I want to tell.
And it just bothers me sometimes that the same people who enjoy my storytelling-- and tell me that i'm very conscientious and aware and delicate with the subjects i'm breeching-- also turn around and tell me i'm too critical of other media. Like… lmao. Why do you think my stories come across so thoughtful? Have you considered that you enjoy them because I'm fucking aware and careful? And I think a lot about the media climate that we live in? That I write stories because I want to see something different?
Like don't just take in my content without a second thought of all the shit i think about behind the scenes to make my storylines as careful and sympathetic as possible
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yourthirdparent · 2 years
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how is jason both an older brother figure and a father figure? good question. have you ever played obey me
#unfollow me rn i'm hyperfixating#i won't share content about it other than this post but i can't promise i won't randomly hop in the tags of a post and mention a character#but if i say lucifer it's referring to my friend luci i do not give a shit about the obey me character and will never mention him#not tagging fandom or character#sorry about all the tags rip#allfatherly guidance#also yes i know there are. issues with obey me. i've played the game. i've seen the problems. i'm hyperfixating anyways#whatever i'm practically a pjo blog you guys are familiar with media with Oddities c'mon#also to that one person who follows me who's dni includes obey me fans i'm so sorry#bonus pologies for tags tag#also i will elaborate on what the fuck this means if asked OR if i feel like it#bonus BONUS pologies for tags tag woah#i cannot shut the fuck up wow#still into jj though! if i make original posts or reblog any fandom content it will probably still be about him#i will come out of my shitty demon dating sim induced haze if i see him he's more than just a character to me he's like a person#it's like how i'll reappear from the woods if i hear my children calling my name yk#wow i literally don't shut up i should make a tag for when it gets this bad so people can block it so tumblr will warn them of my tags#or so they don't have to see what i rambled about for so long it needed a tag ever again#i want it to be a reference to this post actually but like so stupid that nobody who knows this post or even the context would get it#so not even i'll get it later#so uuhhhhhh block uhhhhhhhhhhh#the devil is the father of fathers and brother of brothers and god is satan's chippering son#← block that one that's for if i ramble on for like 20 fucking tags like now that's my shut the fuck up god tag#literally just block it and never read the rambling it's not worth it the post wouldn't be worth it#i should make a pinned post just to tell people to block that tag#could explain anything about who i am (probably should considering i haven't even officially posted my name) but no#it's just gonna be like ↓BLOCK THIS TAG↓ and the only tag is that#actually i'm gonna make that pinned. first i have to figure out how to pin a post
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uranometrias · 2 months
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✮ꜜ : ❛ long time coming : aaron hotchner x fem! reader
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pairing: aaron hotchner x bau! reader
summary: after getting hurt out in the field, you're on leave for a month. coming back felt long overdue, that is until your plans with the team lead you to a situation that feels a bit too close for comfort after such a traumatic time. what's worse, your feelings you've harbored for your boss have no choice but to come to light when he makes the odd choice to address you as 'agent' rather than your name after one month of being apart, and years and years of back and forth will-they-wont-they.
content warnings: making out. allusions to sexual assault + r4pe (but only in the context of the case). reader has slight signs of PTSD. anxiety/panic attacks. reader runs into a few pushy men while out at the club. drinking / drunk confessions. reader has a crush on her boss, it is also implied that reader finds derek attractive, and he reciprocates these feelings. hotch is very good at calming reader down. no usage of y/n. reader is described as having shoulder length hair (can be read as a wig/weave) angry/disappointed hotch! reader has been hiding her anxiety / nightmares / memory issues from the team. mentions of vomiting. kissing. mentions of elle & the events of the fisher king. no distinct timeline, but can be read as s7 with the iconic team (hotch, emily, derek, jj, penelope, rossi, & spencer)
"Okay, I didn't know we were going all out. I would've prepared better." you smile shyly as Jennifer pulls you into a tight hug. When Penelope had called you early that morning with an excited decree that you'd been cleared to return to work you hadn't been sure how to feel. You hadn't bothered to ask how Garcia of all people was privy to information you hadn't received from your bosses yet, there was no getting a straight answer when it came to the Technical Analyst.
It had been her idea for the entire team to get together. You'd been out of the office for a full month, and in that time you'd tried your hand at maintaining your bonds with the rest of the group. It of course wasn't the same, but you knew that you'd needed the time. The last time you'd joined them on a case things had gone horribly wrong. You shudder at the thought, you had been doing so good at forgetting about it all, but seeing them again made it all come back.
The unsub had been your run-of-the-mill anger excitation rapist, a creep that had been using an elaborate ruse to entice and entrap women. It had been Emily's idea for the two of you to go undercover, the unsub had been killing two women every week, women who in many ways were polar opposites of one another, a trait that you and Emily shared. Long story short, in the midst of your plan to lure and trap the Unsub, you'd been separated from Emily and cornered.
You’d been carted off by the creep who kept you stuck for three hours before the team used his mistake to find you. By then though, the damage had been done. You remember the look on Rossi's face when he and Hotch came busting in, and found you looking bruised up with a bloody face, and a gun barrel to the side of your head. You'd never seen Hotch quite as scared, at least not since everything with Foyet nearly three years ago when he lost Haley and almost Jack.
You'd been too out-of-sorts to hear the way they'd tried to reason with the Unsub. And you hadn't realized your abdomen was losing blood until a gunshot rang out, bullets whizzing past your head as the unsub curled into himself before falling to the ground. You didn't know much, you thought maybe your eardrums had exploded with the way they were ringing, and you'd half expected to smack your head against the ground and end up with an annoying concussion.
Instead, you'd been met with the sight of your boss. He'd yelled something you weren't privy to, mouth moving as he seemingly forced the rest of the team out of their stupor long enough to get a medic inside to look you over. It was like you said, the details were fuzzy, but nothing had managed to wipe Hotch's worried expression as he fussed over your safety, out of your mind. However, if you were honest with yourself for one measly second, that was nothing new.
Nothing seemed to fill up your mind the way your boss did, and it was stupid, and deplorable all things considered. But it's not like it had even been something you'd asked for. It just happened one day. You shake these thoughts of your near paralyzing emotions away, pulling yourself back to the present as you took in JJ, who despite her perceived candor looked great. "Oh come on Jaige." you huff, and you appraise her more openly. "You look amazing, as usual."
She grins, albeit shyly, and she's waiting, maybe for your approval maybe for something else. She's trying to be discreet as she sweeps your for obvious reminders of what happened, and you feel nervous. Most of your injuries had healed up well enough, and the scratches that littered your face had been covered in a smattering of makeup. You felt comfortable in your pretty girl cocoon, all done up with a bright smile on your face that was surprisingly believable.
"Can I hug you?" she asks, and you can tell she's been holding it in, waiting to ask. You nod your head, a quiet chuckle escaping you as the blonde seems to scoop you into her arms. She's careful not to squeeze too tight, but the love is felt all the same. "God, it's been so weird without you around." she hums, and while the rest of the team is already huddled inside, probably in a booth Penelope picked, you're so happy she's the one here telling you this now.
"Now you know how we all felt when they sent you to the Pentagon." you whisper back, and you hear her bemused giggle as she steps back, and she takes you in again. Your red minidress was a stark contrast to the usual business-casual attire you wore everyday to work. Your hair was curled, pinned back with a gold claw clip, hair just barely ghosting over the divots of your collarbones. You'd opted for a shorter do' following everything with the unsub.
"Never leave us again." she pleads, and you feel this warmth blossoming in your chest at the way she's staring at you, almost like she really means it. You'd joined the team back when Elle and Gideon had still been around. At one point you'd been the rookie, the new girl nobody knew what to expect from. JJ had been right there beside you, even back then. She had been sweet, assertive, your first real friend on the team. She'd welcomed you before anyone else.
In time of course, things had changed, JJ had a husband, kids, a hoard of other units that were plotting on her skills at all times, but she was still JJ. Still that same first friend that helped you to see the Behavioral Analysis Unit was the only place for you. "I'll do my best." you promise, and she grins. She links arms with you before you both head inside the bar. There was music playing, some alternative indie song that wasn't half bad.
"Here's the girl of the hour now." Emily exclaims, and it's clear they've already started tossing back shots. JJ's head is instantly shaking in mortification. So it was going to be one of those nights. Penelope meets you both, pulling JJ from your arms and leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek sweetly, before she's turning to you. She's got tears already brimming in her eyes, and you can't help but giggle at the dramatics of it all.
"I'm so happy to see you." she squeals, and you find yourself hugging back despite the sting of your abdomen. "You look so beautiful." she adds a second afterwards. "What are you looking to get lucky?" she asks, as she uses her hands to push you away slightly, hands resting gently on both of your shoulders. You feel your face growing hot at the implication, and you see the way she's looking at your facial expressions for a signal of your lies. Curse her proximity to profilers.
"I just wanted to look nice." you reply and Penelope lets you off the hook. She leads you to the table, and you're just in time to hear the group finish up their hellos to JJ. She's sitting next to Morgan, who's bright-eyed as he looks up at you. You find yourself fussing with your hair, playing it cool as you press your lips together, re-smearing your lipstick as you waved your hand.
You weren't sure why you felt like the new kid all over again.
"It's good to see you, pretty girl." he croons, and you grin. Morgan was flirty, had been since you met him, and if you weren't so disastrously into Hotch, you think he'd be all on your mind. Well, you know... more than he was. There had been times where you'd been partnered together, and it almost felt like the tension was going to cut you in half. Sexual tension aside though, Derek was your friend.
They all were, and despite what your mind tried to tell you as you sobbed yourself through nightmares during your break from work, they were genuinely happy to see you. "I'm glad you're okay." your eyes flit over to the youngest member of the team. Spence is looking relieved as he too looks up at you with eyes full of relief. He's next to Emily, and she's already downing another drink. She'd be complaining about a migraine the next day, you could hear her now.
"Thanks, Spence." you coo, and you offer him a wink as your eyes fall on the only present member of the team that hadn't addressed you. Rossi had made a point to send his hellos, but due to a previous standing appointment, he wouldn't be joining tonight. You couldn't hold it against him, Rossi was scoping the prairie for wife number four. He offers you a faint smile, the group instantly falling into chatter.
"H-Hey Hotch." you mumble, and he's closest to you, sitting on the outside of the booth as the rest of the team tried their hardest to pretend they weren't expecting this. He doesn't say anything for a moment, instead he takes you in. He wasn't blind, he'd seen you before, you'd always been beautiful, but there was something about you done up like this. Red dress, red lip, bold makeup, and heels that showed off your legs, and accented your model-esque posture.
It was obvious that you were still a bit nervous about being out and about, and you were out of practice with being around the team. He imagined after a bit though you'd be back to yourself. You, and the rest of the girls would be falling into a rhythm in no time. He stands to his feet, much taller than you, as you take a small step back to give him space. "It's good to see you up and about, Agent." and his voice is low, clearly as a courtesy to the bustling of conversation behind you.
"Agent?" you repeat, and the word is so foreign. It makes you take another step back, the bottoms of your Louboutin's clacking against the ground. You looked a bit hurt, but you played it off quickly. "Come on, Hotch. I think we're a little past those formalities." you chuckle awkwardly, and you find yourself looking towards the bar. Yeah, you were definitely going to need a drink. He seems to curse under his breath, but you're not sure if that's due to you, or some internal conflict you weren't privy to. You don't wait to figure it out either.
He doesn't have the opportunity to reply to your correction, because you're looking to Emily, JJ, and Garcia. "Wanna get some shots?" you ask, and you sidestep Aaron, making sure you don't look his way again, as the girls immediately exclaim their agreements. Penelope's sliding out of the booth first, Emily and JJ following her example as they head straight towards the bar. JJ's shooting you a knowing glance as she looks between Hotch and yourself.
"You coming boys?" you extend the invite to Derek and Spencer, who are quick to nod along, both men trailing after the others as they head to the counter to order more drinks. You prepare to follow after them, ready for the welcome respite from your mind swimming in circles.
"I didn't mean to offend you." you stop short, spinning on your heel to meet the gaze of your Unit Chief.
"Well you did." you reply, and your voice is small. "I've known you for almost seven years, and here you are treating me like a stranger." you mumble, and you find yourself tugging at your dress. "I mean, I know it's been a while, but geez Hotch, it's still me." you say and he winces. You're not sure what the last month has been like for the others, but you know what they've been like for you. Torturous. It's been Hell.
"I know." he says, and your eyebrow raises, unmoved by his words. "And again, I didn't mean to offend you." he promises, and he clenches and unclenches his fists by his side. "After everything that happened, I guess I just assumed you'd prefer a more professional approach." he mutters, and you scoff quietly. Classic Aaron Hotchner, running away from interpersonal conflict with his tail tucked between his legs. "You don't even seem comfortable with us tonight."
You blink. Okay well he had a point there, but you were trying.
"It's not that I'm not comfortable." you mutter, and you look over your shoulder at the rest of the team. "I guess I just didn't expect to feel so out of place being out and about." you shrug your shoulders bashfully. "Everyone's normal, everything seems the same." you continue, and you notice the way that Hotch's lips have pressed into a hard line. "And it's like no time has passed at all for anyone else, but for me it's like I never moved." you blink, shivering at the thought.
Hotch's eyebrows furrow inwardly as he takes in your words. "I still feel like I'm-" you trail off, feeling a wide lump growing in your throat. "It's like I never left." you course correct, eyes shutting briefly, lashes brushing against your cheekbones. "Like no matter how much time passes, it still feels like I'm there with him and I'm-"
"I understand." he cuts you off, you think maybe to salvage your pride or to keep you from having a panic attack at the thought. "And you're certain you're ready to come back to work? You know you can take all the time you need." he reminds you, and you are immediately nodding your head as you wave a tired hand his way.
"I can't stay cooped up in my house anymore." you mumble. "It's becoming counterproductive." you huff. "I'm ready." you add a second later. "Apart from this awkwardness, I'm also perfectly fine." and it's a lie, you'd been having nightmares every night. Restless, sleepless evenings full of dread, and jump scares of your own creation. "I mean, I'm here aren't I?" you offer a tight smile as you reach out and tap Hotch's shoulders twice, a tense little conversation ender.
You don't want to stay huddled up with him anymore, not while he was looking at you like he was trying to see into your soul. You turn on your heel, dress swishing side to side as you head for the group. You find yourself in between Emily and Penelope, the blonde to your left immediately sliding a drink in front of you. You down it in a second, the intense burn as the alcohol rested in your chest was a welcome reprieve from the anguish and anxiety you'd been feeling.
You forget about Hotch, and all your heavy feelings by the time you're on your third drink. Your heels feel much too heavy under your feet as you stumble into Emily, the brunette chuckling vibrantly as you hang off each other, the music playing overhead lulling you into a false sense of security. It was nice being like this again after so long, laughing at the dramatic banter between Derek and Penelope. You wondered if they'd remain purely platonic forever.
Trading gossip back and forth with Emily and JJ was always a treat, especially as Spencer tried to keep up with eyes wide as saucers while Emily finally cracked the secrets of her coveted Sin-To-Win weekends. You weren't sure what was funnier, the peeks into Emily's life outside the unit, or the horrified looks that crossed Spence's face with every new tidbit of knowledge he learned about his coworkers. You found your eyes flickering over to Hotch again.
He was stoic as ever, but looser than he would be in the office. He seemed to enjoy being a quiet observer much more than he preferred to be in the mix. He leisurely swirled his glass of scotch, and you felt that familiar buzz of warmth in your chest when you managed to catch him smiling as he quietly passed conversation back and forth with a newly drunk Penelope, and Derek, who looked exasperated.
"Are you just gonna stare at him all night?" you jump a bit, turning to face Emily with surprise swirling in your irises. "If you keep it up, he's gonna catch you." she adds a second afterwards and you tense, head nodding as you scold yourself. You peel away from the bar, drink clutched in your hand. You had to get away from the bar for a second, maybe the cluttered dance floor would be the best distraction.
"Sorry." you mutter, and Emily offers a airy laugh. "He's just usually so serious." you lean into Emily, who nods along. She'd met Hotch after you, but still she'd managed to become so close to him it was almost surreal. She seemed to always know what he was thinking, they were in sync. Unlike you, who seemed to always be on the other end of a hard stare from the man. For a while you just began to assume he hated your guts. Or better put, he was indifferent to your existence.
That was why his look, that look he'd given you as he cradled your head while he waited for backup had been burned into your skull. All that went out of the window the second he'd labeled you 'Agent' though. God, how stupid were you? Emily's amusement makes your eyes roll. "Can I be honest?" she asks, and you nod. Penelope and JJ have migrated to the dance floor, JJ grabbing the good doctor and bringing him along with them. He looks incredibly uncomfortable.
"Sure, Em. If you think it will help." you reply audibly.
"I haven't seen him this relaxed since everything went down." she admits, and you're surprised. As if somehow your presence had been enough to set the stone-serious man at ease. "The first few days after your accident he was a mess." she adds, and she's got a surprising about of stability to her tone to be as inebriated as she was. She lowers her voice some as she leans into you, "He showed up late." she mutters this like it's some sworn secret just meant for the both of you.
"I'm sure Strauss was just riding him about another mishap in the unit." you try, and Emily looks unconvinced and unimpressed with you. "He's our boss, it's kind of his job to worry about us." you finish.
"Yeah, I guess so." Emily concedes, and she looks like she's done talking about it, so you find yourself relaxing. "Still. I've never seen him go that hard against an unsub, maybe you're not the only person that's feeling something." she leaves you with that, trying to keep from tipping as she marched towards the group. You chuckle quietly to yourself, ignoring Emily's words as you focus on finishing your drink. It seemed you'd inadvertently been trying to be alone all along.
You felt some of the tension melt from your shoulders now that you were standing at the bar, away from those prying eyes you couldn't lie to. There's this sound of heavy footsteps, and then the clearing of a throat, as you turn to be met with the sight of a man. He looked to be about your age, cheeks and nose covered in a little smattering of freckles. He's got a head full of shaggy hair that hangs in his face. He takes a quick step, sliding up against the bar beside you.
Way too close.
"Hey." he mumbles, and you appraise him boredly. It's not like he was ugly or anything, but despite Penelope's words you were not looking to get lucky tonight.
"Hi." you offer a dry greeting, shuffling your weight from one foot to the other as the bar seemingly became a beacon for thirsty men. Just as you were politely stepping away from the freckled man, you found yourself bumping into another man who'd slithered up to the bar, your ass pressing against his crotch as his hands wound around your waist. A sleazy chuckle escapes the man's mouth as you gasp. "I'm so sorry." you exclaim, and you're quick to peel away.
You feel trapped though, there were at least four guys, they all seemed to be friends, they all seemed to be in kahoots.
There's a third and fourth man joining the fray, they all looked to be about the same age, height, and weight class. This was probably their routine: approach and overwhelm whatever drunk girl they might have happened upon. It looked like you were tonight's target. "Hey, what's the rush?" the guy closest to you drawls, and you wonder where all your years of training have gone. His arm raises, and it feels like he might hit you so you flinch way too violently.
"Stick around, we'll order the next round." the next demands, and his breath smells like booze. It stinks, and it's hot as it puffs across your face. You almost break your heels backing away from them, suddenly feeling self conscious a`nd way too vulnerable in your short dress.
"No, it's alright, really." you try, and you stumble again. "My friends are right over there." and you point in their general vicinity. "Have a great night though." you offer politely, and you're trying to make your grand escape. One guy, a shaggy blonde haired man is quick to grab you by your forearm, and it's like you're back to that day. Your bureau appointed therapist had been talking to you about your anxiety, how a range of things could become triggers and transport you mentally.
"That wasn't a question. Stay a while." You're stuck, absolutely frozen in place as your entire body tenses up. Some Special Agent you were, the bureau would be so disappointed in you. Your team would be so disappointed in you. All it took to turn you into a pile of nothing was a bit of confrontation. You could remember a stronger version of you, that girl would've had these men on their knees for even thinking of laying hands on you. God, you missed that girl.
His grip on your arm tightens, fingers digging into you harshly as you find yourself surrounded on every side.
"L-Let me go." you huff under your breath, and you crane your neck. You spot JJ, the blonde's eyes locked on yours as the reality of what's going on forces her to sober up. "I just-" and you jerk away, stumbling back completely. You're surprised you don't scream as your glass drops to the ground shattering as glass sprays in every which direction. You feel like your ankle's twisted as you fall back on your ass. You expect to feel the embarrassing thud that came with smacking your ass on the hard floor of a bar, but it never comes.
Instead you feel cocooned by a familiar scent. Strong arms are looped around you, but you suppose your lack of disgust at the action is just a testament of your comfortability. "Are you alright?" it's mumbled against your ear, and the low tone of his voice makes you shiver. All you can really offer is a tight nod as Aaron's guiding you behind him. You don't get to see Hotch in action, not when JJ, Penelope, and Emily are flocking you like Charlie's Angels.
You feel the first signs of the need to barf pricking at you, and you know that you need to get some air. You needed to breathe.
"God, are you okay?" Penelope asks, and you're not sure if you are being dramatic. I mean, it wasn't like they'd done anything really. Now you were gonna look like the freak that ruined a fun night.
"I'm sorry." you chirp, and you miss the way Jennifer and Emily share a hard glance. It's not until you're feeling brisk air whipping around your face that you realize they've taken you outside, and you haven't stopped apologizing. I'm so sorry. Penelope's got wide eyes, quickly brimming with tears as you find yourself crumbling to the ground. Your hand's quick to clutch around your chest as you try to inhale. The dramatics of it all made you even more nauseous.
You should've stayed at home.
"Hey, hey, hey..." Emily's cooing, and it seems being out like this has sliced through her tipsy stupor. She's focused just like she would be on any regular sort of day. "I need you to breathe." she instructs, and JJ's crouching down in front of you, brown eyebrows draw inwardly as she takes in your clearly frantic state. Every puff of air that escapes you is tight and sounds like it hurts. You can just barely hear the sound of a commotion taking place inside.
You do hear JJ's quiet exclamation of "I'll stay with her, go check on Hotch and Derek!" before Penelope and Emily are heading back into the packed building. She calls your name, and it takes a while for you to regain your voice. She's devoid of pity, which you appreciate. JJ knew more than anyone how much you hated being seen as a burden, or someone to be sorry for. Pride was a killer. "Can you try and take a deep breath for me?" and it's then you realize your choppy little intakes of air weren't doing you any favors.
It takes a great deal of effort for your vision to be less blurry. Your ears were full of cotton, and your head was swimming. You feel bile again in the back of your throat, and you jerk away from JJ's reach. You feel like you're suffocating, transported away from the random bar in the middle of Virginia, and back to a place you'd fought so hard to escape. You were certain you'd remember that unsub forever. His evil eyes, the way he tried to use your entrails like paint.
You remember how Elle had changed after she'd been attacked by Garner. How she had changed so much that she had no choice but to step away from the Unit. Would that be your life? You didn't want that life, but it was clear you needed something, you needed help. You couldn't focus on anything else, but what had happened. You'd ruined a night out because the act of being cornered was enough to transport you back.
JJ's still peering at you as if she's waiting for you to start panicking, and maybe you were. "I'm sorry." you huff again, and JJ's shaking her head at you.
There's a deep frown etched into her face as she sighs herself. "Stop apologizing." she insists, and your lashes are wet with unshed tears. "You didn't do anything wrong. Those assholes should've never put their hands on you." she proceeds. "You know that don't you?" she continues, and you don't know how to respond, so you don't. JJ reads you like an open book, and she smacks her teeth. "Well now you do." she says this firmly. "And I'm sure Hotch and Morgan are teaching them that lesson right now." you tense up again.
"I didn't mean to ruin the-" JJ's offering you a hard glare that shuts you up. Another bad habit you'd picked up since the incident. You were working on it, trying not to blame yourself for things you didn't cause. "I'm sorry." and this time it's not because of tonight. "I was so nervous about tonight.-" you take in a hiccupped breath. "I just wanted to prove that I could bounce back." you explain, and it's the first insight you've allowed anyone. "I figured if I pretend everything's normal, soon enough it would be, but it's too much." you huff.
"And that's okay." she promises. "What you went through isn't something anyone's expecting you to forget about in a month, alright? It's gonna take time, and there will be days where it'll hurt a lot more, and there will be days where you're feeling like your old self again." she promises. "What you need to understand is that we-" she pauses as you take it in. "are your family." she finishes, and your lips start to twitch, you're not sure if you'll smile or cry.
"I know-" you proceed, and she holds a hand up in front of you.
"Let me finish." she pleads, and you inhale before nodding. "I don't- none of us want a repeat of what happened with Elle." she says quietly. "None of us want to show up to the unit one day and see your badge and gun sitting on your desk." JJ sighs. "So if you ever start feeling anxious, or terrible, or just like you're back... there." and you wince at the mention. "I want you to call me, call one of us. Don't deal with this alone, alright? Not when you don't have to."
JJ hugs you before you have time to respond, but her words sink deep and make you feel warm inside. "Thanks, Jaige." you mumble against her hair. She squeezes you tighter, and you believe it's to make up for her shyer hug earlier.
"You're welcome." she mumbles back, and then she's pulling back. You don't have much respite, Penelope practically tackling you in a hug of her own. You hadn't even realized the rest of the team has left the bar, you were sure the mood of the night was much lower.
"I'm so glad you're okay!" Penelope exhales, and you do too, breathing fine again, save for a few hiccups that escaped you every so often. She lets you go after a beat, and you're quick to take a small step back, suddenly feeling anxious once more.
"Yeah, I'm fine now." your eyes meet Derek and Emily's. "Thank you." and you're chuckling quietly as Derek pulls you into his side. He plants a kiss on the top of your head, and you warm inwardly. Spencer does hug you, and it's a shock. One of those hugs that you never take for granted, because it could be a while before you get another. Once he's pulled away you find yourself still hovering, listening quietly as they all decide the night's not over.
You respectfully bow out, you'd had enough for one day. It's then you notice that Hotch is all by himself. You quietly excuse yourself, but you find that they're not really listening now that you were safer. "Are you alright?" you ask, and your voice is very quiet. Hotch looks up from his phone as if he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. You take in his face, and it's clear he's been in some sort of scuffle. Most notable due to the fact he's got blood smeared under his nose.
"I should be asking you that." he retorts, and your eyebrows furrow in.
"Y-You already did." you remind him, eyes darting away. "Why are you over here by yourself?" you shoot off a round of questions, the wind whipping around, and making you crave the comfort of your bed. You maintain a respectful balance, you weren't in any rush to be all up in someone's space.
"I think I've had enough of crowds for the night." he retorts. You don't realize until it's happened though, your hand reaching up to swipe at the blood that's slowly drying on his upper lip.
"Get into a bar fight?" you ask, and you hold your breath for the answer. Hotch looks down at you, and there's this unreadable expression on his face. You realize that this is nothing new. Hotch had never been easy to read, he was one of the greatest profilers you'd ever met, one of the greatest people. But he'd always been an enigma. His emotions were an Alcatraz all on their own.
"You should see the other guy." the classic rebuttal to a question like yours. It doesn't make you smile, mostly because he's not smiling either. "Are you okay?" and he's got you by your wrist, eyes zoned in on the harsh mark the guy from the bar had left behind. "He never should've touched you." his voice lowers, and there's an annoyance attached to his tone. "I'm so sorry." you find yourself huffing.
"You shouldn't have fought him." you say matter-of-factly. Your fists fold up at your sides, your lips pulling down into a frown. "It'll give everyone the wrong idea." you say, and you wrench your hand away from his grasp.
"Everyone?" he repeats, and he looks confused, classic Hotch.
"Me." you correct, "I'll get the wrong idea." you whisper. "I might actually think you like me." you admit quietly.
"We wouldn't want that." he replies, and his tone is far from mocking. You hate that it makes you crack a smile. You hate that he's always the one that manages to get that reaction out of you.
"Hey, are you two coming? We're all heading to Mo's." Emily calls, and you snort at the fact that their alcohol riddled mind had caused them to forget you'd already declined. You take a step away from Hotch, and you hate that you stumble. You were hating a lot of things tonight. Maybe you weren't as sober as you'd thought.
Aaron looks to you as if he's waiting to see your answer before giving his own, and maybe he was. The second you're politely explaining that you're ready to head home, Aaron is offering to drive you. Derek is whistling, Emily and JJ offering you smug little smirks. Penelope is trying to keep herself secured to Earth. "He's gonna take her home." he whispers to no one in particular, and it's a horrid attempt.
"We all heard, babygirl." Derek replies to her, and you find yourself a bit stuck. The thought of spending the eighteen minute car ride with your boss make you want to scream, but you'd taken a cab. Your own car was parked in the driveway of your place. And he doesn't look like he' taking any goodbyes either way. Rounds of goodbye and see you laters are soon offered. "Take care of our girl, Hotch." Derek calls, and you hear Spencer as he starts to rant about Derek's turn-of-phrase.
Our girl. Hotch finds that the words repeat in his head like an obnoxious echo. "Why are you doing this?" you question quietly. "If you're just trying to make up for the whole Agent thing, there's no need." you proceed, and you take a small step back.
"I'm not trying to make up for that." he replies quickly. "But, you're drunk, and you've been through a lot tonight." he reminds you as if you're ditsy or something. "It wouldn't be smart to leave you by yourself." he continues, and he inhales deeply. He watches the way you watch him, like you're unsure, like you're suspicious. "That isn't a testament of whether or not I think you can handle yourself... and neither was fighting that man at the bar." he promises, and you blink.
"No?" you ask, and your tongue feels extra dry. Like you've licked a stripe of sandpaper.
"No." he reaffirms. "You mean a lot to the team. We wouldn't be the same without you." he says this bit like he means it, and you can't find any trace of a lie residing in his face. He does mean it.
"Thank you, Sir." you reply under your breath, exhaling the word. The chill of the night finally gets to you, and you shiver.
"Can I take you home?" he asks, and you know you're reading into it more than you should. You know what he means, what he's really asking, but delusion was healthy every now and again, right?
"Y-Yeah." your head nods, voice wavering slightly as you take hold of the bottom of your dress. "Yes." you say more firmly.
"Okay." you stand there for a few moments more, passing charged glances back and forth. "You never answered my question earlier." is what he says to break the moment. "About how you were doing..." he proceeds. "I've asked you twice, and both times you-"
"Deflected?" you offer, and his head nods. "I guess I'm just scared you'll see right through whatever my answer is." you admit, and you cross your arms, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. "Emily and JJ will at least humor me." you explain. "Penelope won't ask... mostly because she's scared of the answer." you chuckle awkwardly. "Derek and Spence, well I guess they're like you too... but you're here, and they're not... so here we are."
Hotch appraises you for a second, but he doesn't say much else. You're grateful for that, but equal parts annoyed that he wasn't leaping to tell you that you were harder to read than you thought. No such luck. Still, you're surprised when Hotch grabs you by your arm, much gentler than earlier, and he's slowing his stride to be in step with yours. You don't realize you've leaned fully into his side until you feel him tense up. He doesn't say anything though.
A win is a win.
You didn't know much about the inner workings of Aaron Hotchner's mind, but you did know that if he was uncomfortable with your proximity, he would have said so. The walk back to Hotch's car is silent. At least outwardly, inside you were panicking. He opens the passenger side for you, and you imagine a world where this was normal. Where it didn't take you being hit on by sleazy men at a bar to be having these moments with Hotch. But it was impossible.
"Did it hurt?" you ask, once the car is moving. He's adjusted the temperature, a soothing warm pooling from the vents. You're surprised at how quickly he drives, you'd half expected him to be one of those slow as molasses drivers. Hotch looks over at you incredulously, his eyebrows raise, but he doesn't look agitated nor annoyed with you breaking the silence again.
"You'll have to be more specific." he replies, and you hum. You pause for a second, trying to find the right words. At the last second you decide saying it straight would be just as good as anything else.
"Punching that guy?" you ask, and Hotch's lips quirk upwards, he was amused with you. In truth, he had no idea what he was thinking. As soon as the girls had ushered you away, he'd found himself swinging before he could think of the repercussions. All he knew was that you'd sounded scared, you'd sounded unlike yourself in a way that made him angry. Everyone saw how you had changed, the elephant in the room was hard to ignore. But you were trying, he could give you that.
"No." he mumbles, and that likely has a lot to do with the fact that he hasn't come down. He's still on edge, still watching you like you might at any moment start spiraling. "Besides, it was worth it." and he says this a bit under his breath, you hear it all the same. "I doubt he'll try it again." he admits, and you feel liberated. It was nice to have someone fighting for you, fighting the fights you weren't capable of.
"Thanks, Hotch." you hum, and it triggers a yawn.
"Back to Hotch?" he asks, and you look over at him confused. You kick your feet back and forth, careful not to dig your heels into the plush of the car's floor.
"Would you prefer I call you sir?" you ask, and he is tapping on the brake, the car slowly peeling to a stop as you come up on a red light.
"No." he answers sternly. "It's not like you." he admits, and the light is turning green again. He steps lightly on the gas, the car surging forward "Especially if you're only calling me Sir, as payback for me calling you Agent." he says, and even though you had tried your hand at pretending the greeting hadn't bothered you, it was obvious he had read right through you.
"Why'd you do that?" you question and your tone is a lot more clipped than you had intended.
"So it did offend you?" he retorts, and you feel anger flaring up. You swallow this feeling, hands balling up by your side.
"Hotch." you snap, and he smirks fully, eyes back on the road. "Can you be serious, please?" you ask, and you probably sound pitiful.
"The last month I've just been..." he trails off momentarily, and you wonder if he's emotional, or just being dramatic. "I should have known better." he expresses. "I should've been there to make sure that what happened didn't." he says, and you tense up. "He never should have gotten the chance to get close enough to cart you off." he completes his thought, and you're shocked. You never would have guessed Hotch blames himself for what happened to you.
"That wasn't your fault." you promise, and you mean it. You'd never once thought of blaming Hotch for what went down. "You were confident in the plan, you were putting your faith in the team."
"There is a very thin line between confidence and arrogance." He rebuttals instantly. "We got cocky, and you suffered because of it." he looks so destroyed as he says this. "And then you showed up tonight, and tried to pretend everything was fine." he notes as you remain silent. "It just reminded me that we're too close." he tightens his grip on the steering wheel. "The longer you stay in the unit, the more you become numb to the things we see. You start to ignore the signs that you're not alright." he says, and you'd never thought of it that way.
"Hotch..." you exhale.
"I called you Agent to set up a boundary, or at least I tried." he says this like he's beating himself up. "But then I saw the way it hurt you." and he looks ashamed. "And I never want to be someone who does that to you." you're warring with your heart then. "So I wont do it again." he promises, and he looks to you briefly. "I'll call you by your name, I won't deflect." he adds as your mouth drops open just briefly.
"But, it's not right for someone your age to be so closed off. It's not right for you to pretend to be okay just to keep up with the people around you. If you weren't up to being out, you should've stayed home, our opinions don't outweigh your safety." he lectures you. "They never will." he adds a second after, and he's so sure as he says this. He's slowing down, coming up on your place.
Your leg is shaking slightly, that pesky feeling of anxiety creeping back up on you. "We're here." he says under his breath as if you weren't aware. You don't budge, you can't. You have so much to say, but where do you start. Hotch has shut his car off, almost like he too has a lot sitting on the tip of his tongue.
"I just wanted to prove I could handle it." you admit, and you're crying. "I didn't want to be another Gideon or Elle... or Spence." you cringe at the memories. "I didn't want you guys to handle with me with kid gloves. I didn't want you to see me as the girl who needs the kid gloves." you express honestly, and now your tears are falling in quick precession. "I'm sorry..." you swipe at your face. "I don't know why I'm crying, this is so stupid." you hiss at yourself.
"No, it isn't." the response earns him a surprised glance. "It's good... this is good." Hotch is quick to use a hand to swipe at your tears. He hates the sight of them, but loves what they mean. Your heart's still soft, pliable. You haven't fully succumb to the horrors of the job. "Consider this me atoning." he prompts. "You have my ear, say whatever you need to say." he looks over at you again, and seems to mentally backtrack. "If it'll help you." he adds.
You sniffle audibly, hands clenching and unclenching as the car suddenly feels much too hot. "It's not your fault, okay?" you repeat, and you say it with more certainty. "I just need you to know that." you sniffle again, but your tears keep falling, even as you try to blink them away. "Hotch, you're our leader for a reason, and you were there to save me that night, and you were here to save me tonight." you remind him. "I don't want you to pull back, not when I'm finally making some progress with cracking that hard exterior of yours."
Hotch's lips quirk at your words, and he looks down at his lap. "I've never meant to pull back from you." the inflection with the last words sticks. "I thought I was doing right by you... pulling the band aid off before you got in too deep." he says. "But that was wrong of me, I can admit to that. I'm sorry." and his apologies are like kisses. They wash over you, and force you to believe him.
"Don't apologize to me." you plead, "Just promise not to leave me behind, treat me like an outsider again." you continue as his head nods, and you can trust that he's listening.
"I can do that." he promises.
That seems to be the key to unlocking the dam of your emotions. You choke on the feelings, a quiet sob escaping you as you clasp a hand over your mouth. How dramatic, and pathetic, and God awful were all these feelings. But they'd been years in the making, right?
"Are you alright?." he asks under his breath, worry palpable.
"Do you know that the only thing that kept me from losing it that day was you?" you ask, and your boldness won't leave you, clearly it was now or never. "You told me to 'keep breathing'... you said it over and over and over, and I listened." you explain, and he remembers the day too well. "Even though everything hurt like hell, and there was so much blood." you reminisce. "And I don't know, maybe I'm just crazy, but there was this look." you exhale sadly. "This look you had on your face that made me think... 'maybe it's not just me'"
It isn't. He knows that instantly. You've plagued his mind so severely for so long that he can just barely remember a time where you weren't one of the only things he thought about, worried about, cared about. But he had his post to think about, he was the Unit Chief, your boss, your superior. What would the team think? What would Strauss think? Did it matter? In the grand scheme of things, did those worries outweigh his need, his innate desire to see you safe and protected from harm? Absolutely not. So what was the real problem?
"Hotch..." you inhale deeply, voice cracking distractingly as he gives you his full attention. Something you'd dreamed of, wanted more than anything since the first time you'd ever laid eyes on him. "Aaron." you correct, and you breathe again. "I've been thinking of how to say this... i've been rehearsing it over and over again, because I wanted to get it right, and I just knew tonight would be the night I'd have to have the balls to either say it or let it go forever." you admit.
"Say it..." and he's rushing you, but you suppose that's deserved. You were still stalling, dragging this out way more than you needed to.
"I'm in love with you." and it was out there, and you couldn't take it back. You stare him down, worried about his reaction, about how he would respond. "And it took me getting hurt, and being sent home, away from the team for me to realize." you inhale shakily. "I kept having these-these dreams about that night. All these different scenarios about how things could've turned out different, how I could've died had one thing been out of place." you process.
"You're the reason I'm still here, you're the reason why this team can function, and you're the reason why I- why I came tonight even though my anxiety told me it wasn't safe. Because, somehow I knew that as long as you were here... I'd be okay, and I am." you say, and it's a lot, too much maybe. His reaction is hard to read at first, face just as stoic as most times, but his eyes.... his eyes hold the truth. They melt, pools of warm honey dancing in the darkness residing there.
"And it's inappropriate... and wrong... and silly... but- I couldn't go another day without you knowing, without you hearing from me." you explain. "When you came up to the bar tonight I just... I've never felt this way before... lucky, protected, safe.... and-and I'm not asking for anything from you... I'm not expecting something in return, I just wanted to get it out there... I think we both know it's been a long time coming..." and your words are being swallowed as Aaron leans forward. The middle console is a bridge, a roadblock.
It doesn't deter him though, not from using a hand to gently cup your face, mouth slotting against yours as if it belonged there. You're dizzy, shocked, surprised, but you don't let this mess you up. You can't possibly allow anything to mess up this moment. Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two... the seconds tick by with neither of you moving to break the kiss, hands and tongues and breaths fanning over one another as you get acquainted in the most perfect way.
Still, life dealt lots, and yours consisted of a need for oxygen. It's the only reason why you break apart with heady gasps, eyes dilated and fogged with emotions much too heavy to really explain. "Oh, you can't do that." you explain, and Hotch's bemused, eyebrows raising upwards, as his thumb brushes over your cheekbones.
"I can't?" he asks, and he sounds so much lighter now.
"No, you can't. I'll get the wrong idea, you know." you explain, and he smiles brazenly at your callback to earlier. "I'll actually believe you're in love with me or something." you say, and Hotch is slow as he leans back in, a peck being placed right on your lips as your eyelashes flutter, and your heart beats out of control.
"We can't have that, can we?" he's following your lead with the callback, and your cheek presses into his palm.
"I don't know." you answer, and your voice is faint. "I'm scared this'll be a dream." you proceed as Hotch's eyes scan over your frantic face. "I'll wake up and find out that this was all in my head, and the only memories I get to hold on to are from that night." Hotch's lips purse, head shaking in denial as you inhale shakily.
"No, not this time. an ambitious remark. "This time it's real." he promises. "This time I'm here with you to make sure that all those things you felt that night, and earlier by the bar, are how you keep feeling about me." he answers truly. "I'm here to love you back for as long as you'll have me. Is it alright for me to feel that way?" he asks, and your hand jumps up to keep his squished in place against your face.
"You can feel however you want." you reply, and he laughs, a full blown chuckle escaping him as his face seems to light up like a thousand suns. His eyes glisten, twinkling as he looks down at you, like everything was right in the world. And to him it was. Nothing and nobody could hurt you here.
"Good. Then I choose whatever this between you and I leads to, I choose the feelings that come with that." You smile grows to an almost blinding brightness as you reach across the console to hug him, and pull him into your arms. He's quick as he presses a peck to the top of your head, eyes still dancing over you as if he was seeing you for the first time. And maybe he was, that part wasn't your business, all you knew was that loving Aaron was easy, it could be.
A long time coming, but a wait well worth it. Lucky you.
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rubyreduji · 1 year
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a sheep in wolf's clothing — kmg
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summary: kim mingyu is the biggest player on campus, so why is he coming to you for sex help
tags: smut (minors dni!), college!au, inexperienced!mingyu, tutor!reader warnings: explicit protected sex, biting, hair pulling, fingering, attempted oral (f. receiving), mingyu is called puppy, pussy drunk mingyu, subby!mingyu, choking, praise, bondage/restraints, minor overstimulation wc: 7.2k an: the build up is kinda long and this is a lot longer than i was expecting it to be…but yay! gyu smut!
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It’s early winter when Mingyu approaches you one day after a tutoring session. Finals are coming up soon, and after it will be winter break.
“Mingyu?” You look at him curiously.
Mingyu bows low to you. “Y/N-ah, please help tutor me in sex.”
You stare at him incredulously. What did he just say to you?
You smack him upside the head. “You idiot! You can’t just ask people that.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I just thought, well, you’ve been so nice about tutoring me with my classes that maybe you could help me with this as well.” There’s a guilty look on Mingyu’s face.
“Sex and algebra are not the same thing! You can’t just go around asking people to teach you about sex. It’s weird.”
“I’m sorry!”
“What are you going on about anyway? You’re like the biggest player I know. Girls are always lining up to hop on your dick.”
Your crude choice of words makes Mingyu blush, like he didn’t just ask you to sleep with him. “It’s never…good, when I do it,” he admits in a small voice. “I just thought maybe I could figure out why.”
Kim Mingyu is bad at having sex? That’s hilarious.
The other thing you don’t get though, is why you? You don’t have enough hands to count the number of people you know who have crushes on Mingyu. So why is he asking you to help him with this? You shake your head, it doesn’t matter, you’re not going to say yes. 
You guess this may need some kind of context.
Right after midterms Mingyu approached you one day.
“Y/N.” You looked up to see Kim Mingyu standing in front of you.
You don’t really talk to Kim Mingyu. He’s in your seminar class and you know who he is, but you’re not really someone who is on his radar. He’s a frat boy and on the basketball ball team and hangs out with all of the people you try to generally avoid. Not that you don’t like Mingyu, he’s…sweet, just not someone you would go out of your way to spend time with.
“Mingyu?”
“Hi. I have a question. You’re smart right?”
“Is that the question?”
“What? Oh- no, no! I guess that was more of a segue into my actual question.”
“Which is…?”
“Oh right. I’m kind of failing a couple of classes and was wondering if maybe you could help tutor me? I can pay you if needed!”
“What subjects do you need help with?”
“Biology and Algebra. If I don’t pass I don’t graduate and then my dad’s gonna kill me.” Mingyu looks guilty and you sigh. Biology and Algebra are both freshman gen eds, but it’s not uncommon for people to push them back until their later years of college, which Mingyu must have done, and now he's struggling to pass them.
It was…a bit pathetic, if you're being honest, but you also feel a bit bad for the guy. Which is why you find yourself agreeing to help him out. 
“I’m here! I’m here!” Mingyu comes rushing up to your table in the library. His face is red from exertion and papers are starting to spill out of his unzipped backpack.
You slide your headphones off your head to cast a glance at Mingyu from the corner of your eye. “You’re ten minutes late.”
“I know, I’m sorry! I promise I have a good reason though!” Mingyu takes a seat across from you.
“I don’t really care to hear it. Let’s just get started, yeah?” You shut the lid to your laptop, putting your own homework to the side. “What are you struggling with?”
“...all of it? I don’t know how to do any of it and both of my teachers hate me!”
You sigh. Mingyu better be paying you good money for this.
You spend the rest of your day with Mingyu in the library. He’s…not as helpless as you thought he would be, in all honesty he’s not dumb, he really just does need the extra help. Maybe new professors as well. The topics are easy for you to pick back up even though it’s been a while since you’ve studied them.
You take your time explaining them to Mingyu in a way that makes sense to him. You sit there with him as he works on his overdue homework, helping him when he needs it. You’re surprised that he can still turn the work in but he then tells you he was able to get an extension on it so he can graduate and stay on the basketball team. Stupid basketball bastard.
It’s going on four hours of sitting in the library when Mingyu starts to get unbearably antsy (he got regular antsy within the first thirty minutes of sitting down). You can tell he’s not going to be able to do much work anymore so you start to pack up your things.
“Wait, we’re not done!”
“I know, but Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
“What does that even mean?”
You huff. “It’s going to take time to work on this. It’s not a one and done kind of thing. We can meet later in the week if you want but you’re not putting out your best work right now so let’s quit for the day, okay?”
“Yeah, okay, I guess you’re right.” Mingyu starts to pack up his things as well. “Thank you for your help so far though, I’m really starting to get it.”
“I’m glad. You’re smart Mingyu, you just need some help, and that’s what I’m here for.” You smile at him and Mingyu smiles at you back.
“No one’s ever called me smart before.”
“No one’s ever believed in you before,” you say with a shrug. Simple as that. You will admit you didn’t have much faith at the start either, but even in just four hours you saw the improvement in him. If only his professors could have just as much faith in him.
That was two months ago. You will say Mingyu’s grades have steadily been improving, enough that he’s not failing anymore and actually understands what’s happening on his tests, so he’s not wrong about you being a good tutor. You just weren’t expecting it to lead to…whatever he’s asking of you now.
Now that you think about it, a lot of your interactions make sense now that you're aware of his…lack of skills in the bedroom.
“So what’s the question you’re looking at?”
Mingyu turns his laptop to you so you can look over the question. You lean in closer to look at it properly before reaching over Mingyu to grab his scrap paper.
“Uh…”
“Yes?” You look at the boy.
“You’re just…really close.”
You roll your eyes and pull back. “Does a woman’s touch scare you Mingyu?”
“No! That’s not what I mean,” he pouts a bit. “I just wasn’t expecting it.”
“I don’t bite Mingyu. You’re the one who asked me to look over the question.”
“I know! I just-, nevermind. Can you just help me with the answer?”
That wasn’t the only instance like that. There was also that time he tried to buy you dinner and you teased him so badly he went home instead. You didn’t think you were actually flustering him. But it seems lately you can’t assume anything from Mingyu.
“Why did your stupid best friend ask me to help him with his stroke game?”
“He WHAT?!” Wonwoo chokes on his lunch as you sit down next to him. You know Wonwoo from some of your honors classes so you’re not sure why Mingyu didn’t ask him to tutor him but you can’t worry about that now.
“I’ve been tutoring him for two months now and he’s now asked me to tutor him on how to be good in bed. Every girl on his campus worships the ground he walks on and are all dying to get in his pants and you’re telling me he can’t even lick a pussy?”
Wonwoo snorts at your words. “Trust me, all of those girls have got him all wrong. That sexy cool guy act is just that, an act. They just want to think he’s like that. He’s actually a giant idiot who thinks he can get anything he wants by whining and using puppy dog eyes.”
“So you’re saying he can’t pleasure a girl because he’s a loser?”
“Basically. Anyone claiming to have hooked up with Mingyu are either too obsessed with the idea of Mingyu himself to admit it was bad, or haven’t even been with him and just want to brag. He’s not the player he wants people to think he is.”
“That doesn’t explain why he’s asking me for help.”
Wonwoo sighs, like he doesn’t want to tell you what he is about to. “You hooked up with one of our friends last semester and he may have bragged a bit about it and ever since the whole friend group now has this idea you’re some…sex deity or something.”
Now it’s your turn to snort at Wonwoo. “Excuse me? Sex deity, yeah right. I guess if we’re talking about DK then it makes sense. Kissing and telling is totally not cool though,” you scoff. “Wait- did Mingyu ask me to tutor him just because he wanted me to teach him how to be good at sex?”
“I do know for a fact that Mingyu is failing his classes, but I cannot confirm or deny if he had ulterior motives for asking you for help. I did tell him I wouldn’t give him help though. I gave up on trying to help him out freshman year.”
“This is crazy,” you mutter.
“So I’m assuming you told him no?” Wonwoo raises an eyebrow at you.
“Unlike some people, I don’t kiss and tell. Whether any ‘kissing’ happens or not.” With that you stand and walk away from Wonwoo.
The true answer is, you haven’t decided. You were so sure when he first asked you that it was going to be a no, but now you’ve hesitated giving him a solid answer for so long that you’re starting to question your own choices. 
For one thing, you haven’t been laid since last semester when you hooked up with DK, which was seven months ago. You also like Mingyu. You’re not sure if you have any romantic feelings for him, but you for sure like hanging out with him as a friend, and you do trust him. He’s also, objectively, very attractive. Even if you’ve seen him trip over air before. You’d just be helping out a friend. How is it any different than what you’ve been doing?
It’s also the end of the semester. In reality anything goes wrong you can just ignore him until you graduate. It wouldn’t be that hard. There’s really no harm in just trying…right?
“Y/N.” You’re not expecting to see Mingyu at your apartment doorstep two weeks later. You avoided Mingyu during finals week and you haven’t had a reason to see him since the semester ended.
“Mingyu?”
“I just wanted to come here and apologize for what I said to you. It was completely inappropriate and I never meant to make you uncomfortable. I know you probably don’t want to see me anymore but I just wanted to thank you for helping me this semester. This is for you.” Mingyu holds out a small gift bag to you that you take tentatively.
Mingyu is about to start to walk away but you stop him. “Would you like to come inside?”
Mingyu hesitates, like you’re testing him. Eventually he allows himself to step through the threshold. He’s been to your place plenty of times within the last eight weeks, but right now he’s acting like this is the most uncomfortable place he could be right now.
“I talked to Wonwoo about you,” you tell him.
“O-oh…? Did he uhm, say anything?”
“He said lots of things, nothing too noteworthy though. Didn’t know DK had such a big ass mouth though.”
“It wasn’t because of DK why I asked you!” Mingyu jumps in to say, his voice raised all of a sudden. “Sorry I just, I don’t want you to think that I think of you like that?”
“So you don’t think I’d be good at sex?”
“What? No, wait! I do! No that I think about you having sex. Well I guess I do? Because I asked you? But not in that way. I do think you’re hot! I just-”
“Breathe Mingyu,” you laugh. “I’m messing with you.”
“DK isn’t why I asked you, I asked you because well, I trust you.” Mingyu’s voice is softer now and you can’t help but find him cute in this moment. “I understand why you don’t want to though, and-”
“I never said I didn’t want to, Mingyu.” Mingyu’s mouth drops open a bit. He suddenly looks invested in what you have to say. “I just needed time to think.”
“So…what did all of your thinking decide?”
“I think that you should come over here and kiss me.” It’s bold. Mingyu doesn’t hesitate to do so, though.
He’s on you within a second, his body dwarfing yours as he pushes his mouth up against yours. You two stay like that for a moment before you pull away.
“Okay, you definitely need help.”
Mingyu whines. “Already? I thought at least I was a good kisser.”
“What girls are lying to you?”
You realize that this is going to be a lot more difficult than you were expecting. Mingyu is truly inexperienced. It’s going to be awkward and a lot of stopping and starting but you’re committed now so if Mingyu doesn’t come out of this his own kind of sex deity, you’re going to be so mad at him.
“You’re too rough. You need to build it up. Girls like being able to be eased into things. You can be soft even when your dick’s not, right?” You two have relocated to your couch where you sit facing each other.
“Softer….okay. Can I try again?”
“Eager to kiss me again?”
“Y/N,” Mingyu whines.
“Fine, fine, come here.”
This time Mingyu’s approach is…softer. It’s also rigid as hell. It’s like kissing a dead fish.
“Mingyu.”
“What now? I’m doing what you said!”
“You’re doing nothing! You’re just sitting there. You have to at least put some effort into it, be interested.”
“Be interested, but don’t be over eager. How do I do that?”
You huff. “Just, let me take the lead. But please kiss back this time.”
You scoot closer to Mingyu to the point you’re almost on his lap. You cup his face and pull him towards you. He feels more loose, which is a good start. You press your lips to his you can feel Mingyu hesitate a moment before finally pressing back. It isn’t too firm and you slide your lips over his. You can hear the soft smacking noises of your lips and you rub your thumb over Mingyu’s cheek.
When you pull away Mingyu looks at you with wide eyes. “That was…so cool.”
You snort. “Cool?”
“I’ve never kissed like that.”
“I can tell.”
“Hey!”
“That’s how most girls want to be kissed, at first at least. Then when things feel right, you can start to deepen it. Get a little more passionate,” you explain.
“What do I do with my hands?” You get flashbacks to past tutoring sessions with Mingyu. You tell him something and he has thirty questions to follow.
“You just touch. Her back, her cheeks, her neck, her waist. Maybe her thigh. Have you never made out with a girl before? You have had sex before haven’t you?”
“Yes! It just was always super rushed and half drunk. I’ve never cum from a girl, and a girl has never cum from me.”
“That’s…sad, but we’re going to fix that. Also stop having drunk sex.” 
“Is that why I can’t cum?”
“It’s probably because you’re doing something wrong. And we’re going to figure it out,” you tell him. “Now that you can kiss properly, let’s move on to the next part. Making out.”
“Isn’t that the same as kissing?”
“No. Kissing is soft, slow, innocent. Making out is more intimate and passionate. It’s the real build up into doing other things.” Without warning you crawl into Mingyu’s lap and plop yourself down. “Want me to show you?” 
Mingyu’s pupils widen and he nods. “Please.”
You pull Mingyu into you by the back of his neck and smash your lips together. You press up against him, pushing him against the back of the couch. You move your lips against his. You feel Mingyu gently place his hands on your waist before kissing you back. His lips slide against yours, meeting your pace.
You break away from Mingyu for a second to catch your breath before diving right back in. It’s not the most experienced kissing, your teeth clash together and your noses keep bumping, but the passion makes up for it. You bury your fingers into the hair on the back of Mingyu’s head and you tug at it a bit and Mingyu mewls into your mouth.
“You like that?” You whisper to Mingyu and he nods frantically. Mingyu goes in to kiss you again but you stop him. “Eager are we? Remember, this is a teaching lesson, so you’re here to learn.”
“Y-yes Y/N.”
“Good boy.” Mingyu shudders at this and you smirk. “Next step is touching. Do you wanna touch me, Mingyu?” You ask and you swear to God Mingyu whines.
“Yes. Please let me touch you.”
“Where do you wanna touch, puppy?” The nickname slips out, but you can’t help it. That’s exactly what Kim Mingyu is. An eager, adorable little puppy. Mingyu seems to like it too, considering his physical reaction to being called the name.
“Anywhere, everywhere. Wherever you’ll let me Y/Nie.” He’s practically squirming under you, and you can already feel his bulge starting to strain against his pants under you.
“Well go ahead,” you tell him. “Touch me where you want to.”
With shaky arms Mingyu lifts his hands up to your breasts. He hesitates for a second and you nod at him and he pushes them forward, cupping your boobs in his palms. He squeezes there as he stares at his hands, like he can’t believe this is happening.
“Softer,” you tell him as you cover his hands with yours. You show him the right amount of pressure to squeeze with. “Here.” You push his hands off before pulling your shirt over your head so your bra is exposed and Mingyu’s eyes widen, staring at your cleavage.
He brings his hands up again to touch you. His fingertip traces along the top of your breast, before taking the whole thing in his hand. He paws at you and you let out a soft moan. This seems to encourage Mingyu and he kneads at your tit more, thumb brushing over the swell of it.
“Put it together with the kissing,” you tell him. Mingyu leans forward and you connect your lips. Your hand rests on his jaw as you guide the kiss. You push your tongue into Mingyu’s mouth and he lets you.
One of his hands continues to work at your boob, while the other runs up and down your back. It seems he’s getting more comfortable with you and the whole situation. You roll your hips in his lap, grinding down on his cock and he hisses. You giggle to yourself.
Mingyu’s hand moves down off your boob and trails down your torso before reaching around you. Both of his large hands clamp down on your ass, squeezing there. You moan into his mouth. Bold move. You throw your head back and Mingyu takes that opportunity to move his mouth down to your neck.
He presses kiss and bites against the exposed skin, licking the marks after he bites down. Just a big ole puppy.
“Mm, Gyu,” you mumble. “You’re doing so good right now. You’ve always been a fast learner though.”
“Only when it’s you,” Mingyu says against your neck.
Mingyu’s mouth moves farther and farther down until his lips press up against your breasts. He bites down particularly hard on your right one and you let out a cry of pleasure. “Shit, Mingyu.”
“S-sorry,” Mingyu pulls back quickly but you shove him right back where he was.
“No, don’t stop. So good.”
Mingyu seems to get what you mean and he continues what he was doing, biting and kissing all over your chest. His hands move up your back and you can feel him grab the clasp of your bra, but stop before doing anything. He’s waiting for permission. What a good boy.
“Go ahead Mingyu,” you tell him and two seconds later your bra is on the floor.
“Oh fuck, Y/N,” Mingyu’s hips buck up into yours as he stares at your exposed breasts. Your nipples are perky and staring straight at Mingyu. He stares right back.
“Well go on, touch ‘em.”
Mingyu brings his hand up and brushes his thumb over your nipple and you whine and push forward into his hand. This excites Mingyu and he does it again. He squeezes at the supple flesh there, watching the way his large hand envelopes your tit.
Your other boob is left untouched and Mingyu seems to realize this and he leans his head down to wrap his lips around your areola. His tongue darts out to flick at your nipple and you grind your hips down, your pussy screaming from the feeling of his hot mouth on your breast.
You throw your head back again and bury your hands into his hair, holding him in place as he feasts on your chest. You’ve never been too big on marks, but you find you can’t tell Mingyu to stop as he gnaws on your chest. 
It takes you a minute or two to remember that you’re doing this for a reason. You do your best to try and clear your head as you push Mingyu away from you. “You’re…very good at that,” you say, trying to catch your breath.
“You’re so pretty Y/N,” Mingyu whispers to you as his thumb brushes against your waist. “Especially like this.” You look down to see the red marks starting to form on your chest.
“There's more to learn, pup,” you tell him. “You’re doing so good for me right now though.” 
“Wanna learn more. Wanna do more.”
“First step is to get you out of this.” You tug at Mingyu’s shirt and he helps you pull it over his head.
You take a moment to stare at his bare chest. You’re aware he’s a fit, good looking guy, but you’re still stunned at what you see. His pecs are huge and his abs are like a washboard. You wanna drool all over his stomach. You can do that later, you have a task at hand right now.
“You know how to touch a pussy Mingyu?” You ask him.
Mingyu looks alarmed at your boldness and he averts his eyes from you. “Uhm…no.”
“That’s okay baby,” you grab his chin and force him to look at you again, “I’m gonna teach you all about it.”
You climb off his lap and Mingyu whines as you do. He shuts up real quick when he sees you shimmying out of your pants. You nod at him to do the same and Mingyu quickly pushes his pants down his legs and kicks them onto the floor.
You have a better view of his bulge this way, and you can already tell he’s huge. His cock presses tight up against his boxers, begging to be freed and played with. You push Mingyu back onto the couch and crawl back onto his lap, hovering over his thighs.
You slowly lower yourself down against him and grind your cunt against his length. Mingyu whimpers below you as you roll your hips in slow, teasing motions. You can feel almost everything with there only being two thin layers between you two. Your panties are already damp with your arousal and you stare at Mingyu in the eyes as you move against him.
“It’s so warm,” Mingyu mumbles.
“I’m wet. You did that pup. You’re gonna make it happen even more though, yeah?” Mingyu nods at you. “You know where the clit is?”
Mingyu doesn’t respond and that gives you your answer. You grab Mingyu’s hand and place it against your cunt. Mingyu’s face goes through multiple emotions before settling on one of amazement. You press two of his fingers against you until they catch on your clit. You stifle a moan as you start to move Mingyu’s fingers in small circles.
“Feel that? That’s the clit. Keep touching there.” Mingyu seems hesitant to do so, though.
“I don’t wanna do it wrong,” he tells you.
You grind your cunt down against his hand. “If you do it wrong I’ll tell you, but you better start touching me now or I’m kicking you out and getting myself off.” 
This sets Mingyu in motion and he starts to move your clit around in circles. His touch is still a bit shy at first, light and fleeting and almost not enough, like he’s teasing you.
“More,” you tell him. You reach down and press his fingers hard against you. “Firm, but not harsh.”
“It’s so wet,” Mingyu says. He’s right. Your panties are soaked through now and you can feel the roughness of the pads of his fingertips against you.
“Yeah,” you sigh, “super turned on. Gonna need you to finger me soon.” 
“F-finger you?”
“Mhmm,” you hum. “It’s easy, don’t worry. Just keep touching me like this for now.”
You lean down and capture Mingyu’s lips again. It takes him a moment to double task kissing you and touching your clit but he eventually gets the hang of it. You take one of Mingyu’s lips between your own and suck on it, pulling it into your mouth before releasing it and doing it all over again.
Mingyu moans and his fingers accidently press harder against your clit, causing you to moan as well. 
“Fuck, do that again,” Mingyu groans.
“What? Suck on your lip?”
“Yeah, please.”
“Only if you stick your fingers in me.”
“Ah, Y/N, I’m not sure…”
“You’ve come this far already. I’m so needy for it Gyu, please?” You give him your best begging eyes. “You’re the one who got me all worked up, the least you can do is fix it. You’ll learn a valuable life skill as well.”
Mingyu contemplates it for a few more seconds before agreeing. “Okay. Just, show me how, please?”
You lift your hips up a bit and push your panties to the side before grabbing Mingyu’s hand and moving further between your legs. You press Mingyu’s fingers up to your entrance and slightly lower yourself down on them, so you’re half riding his hand.
“Just push them inside and move them in and out. Like you do with any fucking motion. If you want it to feel really good, curl your fingers and try to find my g-spot.” 
“What if it doesn’t feel good?”
“Then we’ll stop and try again, or move on to something else. You’re learning Gyu, it’s okay.”
He still looks a bit weary, but he slowly pushes his fingers up in you and you bite down on your lip so you don’t scream out. His fingers are thick and you probably should have told him to start with one. He’s awkward with his technique and it’s more like he’s jamming his fingers into you, rather than thrusting.
“Gyu, Gyu, baby,” you mutter and you grab his wrist. “Remember, take your time, it’s okay.”
You pull his fingers out of you before rearranging his hands so only his pointer finger is sticking up. You help him guide it into you slowly and you start to pull his finger in and out of you, moving your hips along as you do. 
You loosen your grip on Mingyu’s hand and he starts to take over. “Mm, just like that pup. Can you curl your finger, like uh, like this.” You make the come hither motion and Mingyu does the same. You can feel his fingertip scrape against your walls, before pushing right up against where you want it.
You gasp and grind down against Mingyu’s hand. “Right there Gyu. Keep hitting right there. Add another finger too.” 
Mingyu does as told and you work on holding up your end of the bargain. You pull Mingyu’s bottom lip into your mouth and suck on it before tugging at it with your teeth. You drag your teeth over his lip before releasing it. His lip is plump and slightly red when you pull away, but his pupils are blown wide.
Without him having to ask, you dive in to do it again, enjoying his reaction. You don’t think Mingyu realizes this, but as you suck on his lip his fingers start to thrust harder into you. The harder you suck, the deeper his fingers go. Not only does it feel good but the fact he doesn’t even know he’s doing it is so hot.
You break your lips away from Mingyu, both of you a little breathless. Your mouth isn’t lonely for long though as you dip down to press kisses against his neck. Not many guys you hook up with are into it, but Mingyu seems like the type who would, and you are so right. Mingyu mewls as you suck a mark right into the junction of his neck. 
You can feel him shifting under you, his boner is probably painfully hard right now.
Mingyu’s fingers are now drenched from your arousal and you can feel yourself getting closer and closer by the second. Your legs start to tremble and you bite down onto Mingyu’s pec as your pussy spasms. You feel your whole body flood with pleasure as you ride Mingyu’s fingers. 
“Y-Y/N? Are you okay?” Mingyu asks you softly. His free hand cradles your face and he looks at you with big eyes.
You gently pull his fingers out of you as you laugh, sinking into his body. “More than okay Gyu,” you mutter. “You just made a girl cum for the first time.”
“Wait, I made you cum? Just now?” You nod into his chest. You look up at Mingyu to find him looking down at you in awe.
For a fleeting second you think about how you just taught him how to finger a girl. How he can now go out and use those skills on anyone who’s willing (and that list is quite long). 
The idea makes you…a little jealous to be honest. The thought of Mingyu using the skills you’ve taught him on another girl. You do get some satisfaction knowing that no matter who he uses them on though, you’re the one who taught him it.
You shake your head, why are you even thinking like that? Mingyu isn’t your boyfriend. This is just a tutoring lesson, nothing different than what you’ve been doing with him.
“Ready for your next lesson?” You ask him, banishing those thoughts from your mind.
“Yes!”
You caress his face, rubbing your thumb over his cheek. “You wanna learn how to use your mouth? Lick all over my cunt and make me feel good?”
Mingyu whines. “Yes Y/N, please.”
You slide off his lap and lay yourself down on the couch. You spread your legs a bit and you let Mingyu stare at you for a second. “Well come here pup.” 
Mingyu quickly moves so he can place his face between your legs. His fingers run along the soft skin of your thighs. “How do I…”
“Uh, remember the clit from earlier? You just kind of suck and lick at it. Then if you want to do more you can do what you did with your fingers, but with your tongue instead,” you explain. Mingyu nods his head along, like he’s soaking up every word you’re saying.
Mingyu dips down between your legs and experimentally juts his tongue out and licks at your clit. His tongue is hot and wet and you need more. You let out a little encouraging hum and Mingyu dives in more. He laps at your clit, he’s a bit rough with it, but you don’t stop him, enjoying the roughness.
You reach down and bur your hands in his hair, tugging a bit. He hums against you and the vibrations go right into your clit, just as you hoped. Mingyu wraps his lips around your bud, sucking it into your mouth. You’re just about to tell him to suck a bit harder when you suddenly scream out, and not in the good way.
“Fuck, Mingyu!” You instinctively smack Mingyu against the head and he lets up. “Gyu what the hell?”
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” He quickly backs away from you.
You sigh. It’s not his fault, he didn’t know. “You can’t bite down on the clit, it’s sensitive. How would you like it if someone bit the tip of your cock. If you really wanna use your teeth, just scrape, don’t bite.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Mingyu whispers. You scoot closer to him. He looks afraid of touching you, but you reach out and grab him instead.
“Hey, it’s okay, I’m okay. Don’t worry about it. You’re still learning, you’re not going to be perfect the first time. I’m sorry for smacking you.”
“No, I probably deserve it. I know you didn’t mean to.”
“Exactly. We both did something we regret, and now we can forgive and forget, yeah?”
“Yeah, okay.” Mingyu still seems a little nervous but you just kiss at his jaw.
“We can come back to it another day, okay pup?”
“A-another day?”
“Yeah, remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. I promise I’ll suck your dick then too, show you how a real girl should take care of you.” Mingyu nearly drools on you. “But let’s move to something more fun, yeah? Gonna show you how to use that big cock of yours.”
“Please,” Mingyu begs, his shy demeanor suddenly gone again. “My cock is so hard.”
“I know, that must hurt a lot. C’mon puppy, we’re gonna move to my bed, okay?” You crawl off of Mingyu and he scrambles to his feet. He hurries after you as you lead him to your bed. “Boxers off, on the bed.”
Mingyu quickly obeys. He strips his boxers off and climbs onto the bed, his back resting against your headrest. His dick rests against his stomach and you lick your lips at the sight. Just as you suspected, his cock is HUGE. Long and thick in all the right ways with a delicious vein running along his whole length. Yeah, you’re definitely going to have to suck his dick at some point.
“Now puppy,” you crawl onto the bed, sitting on your knees as you face Mingyu, “are you going to let me tie you up?”
Mingyu’s hips buck into the air involuntarily and he blushes. “I- uh, I’ve never thought about that but, I think I want to try.”
“Good boy.” You climb off the bed and move over to your closet. You can feel Mingyu’s eyes trail your naked form and you take your time bending down and picking out what you’re looking for.
When you turn around Mingyu is still staring shamelessly. A soft tie that you think once belonged to an ex is in your hands and you saunter back up to Mingyu. You climb over him, straddling his waist, your bare pussy hovering over his abs. You’re sure you could grind your clit to completion against them.
You lean over Mingyu’s face, bringing his wrists up over his head. You tie them to your headboard before leaning back. Mingyu’s gaze follows your tits that were just in his face and you roll your eyes. “Eyes up here pup.”
Mingyu blushes and drags his eyes up to meet yours. “Sorry.”
“If you want your arms to be let down, just tell me and I’ll untie you, okay?” He nods. “That’s a good boy.”
You lean down and kiss Mingyu. Your lips clash against each other, but Mingyu easily lets you have the dominance. You lower your body down onto him, grinding your clit against his abs. Your prediction was right. The grooves as his muscles catch on your clit.
“Fuck puppy, you’re such a good boy.”
“Y/N, please. Need to cum so bad.”
“Well since you asked so nicely.”
You reach over to your bedside table and grab a condom out of one of your drawers. You move down Mingyu's body and you roll it onto him. You notice his cock is already starting to produce precum and you resist the urge to lean down and lick it off.
Once you have the condom secured you hover over his lap and line him up to your entrance. Slowly, you sink down onto him. It takes a second for him to get into you, due to his large size.
Little by little, you’re able to fuck yourself down to his base. Your pussy is stuffed full and you swear you can feel him pressing up against your stomach.
“Gyu, how can you be this big, but have no clue how to use it?”
“I don’t know,” he whines, “but you feel so good right now. I think I’m gonna combust.”
“Don’t. Not until I say so.”
“Fuck, that’s so hot,” Mingyu says.
“Now be quiet pup, I’m gonna show you how this thing should actually be used.” 
You brace yourself on Mingyu’s chest and start to roll your hips slowly. His cock stretches at your walls as it moves in and out of you. You bite your lip, half in concentration, half in covering up your moans. 
Eventually you’re about to find a good pace that’s not too fast but not painfully slow. You can hear the soft noises Mingyu is releasing, letting you know how good he feels.
“You’re being so good for me baby,” you tell him as you lean down and press a kiss to his pec.
“Feels so good Y/N,” Mingyu whimpers. “Never felt a pussy as good as yours.”
The idea that you’re the best Mingyu’s ever had drives you crazy and you start to pick up your pace. You fuck yourself on Mingyu’s dick, hard and fast. Underneath you, Mingyu is a mess. As good as this is making you feel, you know Mingyu is even closer to falling apart than you are.
“Y/N, please,” he begs.
“Please what puppy?”
“Please, choke me.” The request isn’t what you were expecting, but you’re not mad at it.
You slide your hand up his chest and to his neck. You slide your fingers into the right place for safe choking and squeeze slightly. “Aww, does my pretty puppy like when my hand is collar?”
Mingyu just nods to the best of his ability, his breath coming out in small puffs.
“What a good boy for me.” You lean forward and kiss his forehead. “Look at you, all fucked out. That’s been your problem baby. You’ve never been successful because you need someone to take care of you, don’t you? You’re just a pliant little pup who needs to be bossed around.”
Mingyu whimpers at your words and you know you’re right. It’s almost laughable. The big, campus “player” is nothing but a submissive puppy who didn’t even know how to kiss until two hours ago.
It’s kind of hot though, discovering Mingyu’s kinks before anyone else can. This is just for you and him. You lean down and press your lips against Mingyu’s. Your grip on his throat helps you guide his face to yours and press hard and firm against him, wanting to taste every part of him.
You’re not sure what you were expecting when you agreed to help Mingyu out with this, but it definitely wasn’t how intimate it feels right now. You can’t say you hate it though. Mingyu’s body pressed against yours, your breaths mingling as his fat cock crams up against your cervix.
“Nngh, Y/N, close,” Mingyu mutters to his best abilities. “Please. Needa cum.”
“Aw, doesn’t my puppy want me to let him cum?” He nods. “Hmm, well since this is your first time being able to cum during sex, I guess I’ll let you have this. Come on puppy, give it to me.”
Mingyu sighs in relief at your words and he thrusts up into you once, twice, and then he’s cumming, painting the condom white with his semen. You don’t let him catch a break though, continuing to fuck yourself with his cock so you can cum too.
Mingyu whimpers with overstimulation as you reach down to furiously rub at your clit. You can tell Mingyu is dying to help but his hands are still tied up. You feel your stomach start to tighten up and then your legs are giving out and you fall against Mingyu, your cunt throbbing against him. You pant into his chest as you roll your hips lazily trying to prolong your orgasm as much as you.
When it seems that it’s over you reach up and untie Mingyu’s arms before gently lifting yourself off him and flopping down onto the bed.
“Normally after sex you do aftercare. Drinking water, going pee, cleaning up. Cuddles if needed,” you explain, still a little out of breath.
“Do you…want to cuddle?” Mingyu looks at you with innocent eyes and you melt a little.
“Uh, yeah, if you want to.”
“I’m always open to cuddles!” It sounds like a message that would be pre-recorded in a Valentine’s Day teddy bear, but you guess that kind of sums up Mingyu. 
“Lemme go pee and get some water, and then we’ll cuddle okay?” You get up and go through your list of things you need to do. When you make it back to your bed it seems Mingyu has cleaned himself off with a tissue and you hand him a cup of water that he happily chugs down.
You climb back into your bed and slip under the cover. Mingyu does the same and you bury yourself into his side. His body is warm and still buzzing with that after sex glow and you rest your head on his chest. Neither of you bothered to get dressed and you relish in the feeling of his bare skin against yours.
“Y/N-ah?” Mingyu whispers and you look up at him. “Thanks for doing this. It uh, means a lot to me.”
“Yeah well, I got something out of it too, so no big deal.” 
“I know but, I’m just really happy it’s you.”
The words hold a second meaning to them that you can’t quite place yet. You don’t respond, just press yourself up against Mingyu tighter. You can wonder about the future for you and Mingyu after you’re done cuddling.
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Text
On Set Shenanigans || Tom Blyth x actress!reader
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GIFS by me :) cred if use!!
Summary: just a bunch of random scenarios on set I thought of while I was in the shower lmao 🤣
Warnings: noneee
Wc: 1,553
A/n: sorta all over the place sorry lmao
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Divider by @pommecita
“If you could describe Y/n and Tom in one word, what would you say?” Rachel purses her lips, side eyeing the two of you who were watching her with silly grins. “Y/n and Tom are,” Rachel hums, tapping her chin as she breaks out into a chuckle.
“Goofy.” You and Tom turn to each other and just break into laughter. “They are seriously the most goofiest people I have met in my entire life! There is never a dull moment on set when these two around,” Rachel shakes her head as she smiles at the two of you who blow kisses her way.
“Tom and Y/n, there’s a behind the scenes video circulating around of the two of you in costume, dancing to Low by Flo Rida,” “Oh my god,” You drop your head on Tom’s shoulder as the two of you couldn’t help wipe the grin off your faces.
“Yes, there is,” Tom laughs as they put up said video. “If you guys haven’t see it, here it is,” Dressed in his peacekeeper outfit, white singlet with his dog tag out, and you in your outfit, you and Tom were dancing along to your favourite song to dance to, Low by Flo Rida.
Rachel was recording the video during your break and was dying of laughter. The camera was shaking the entire time because of it. You and Tom loved goofing around and dancing.
You could say it was your love language. You grab Tom’s peacekeeper hat and plop out on your head slightly wonky as you move along to the song, acting as if you were at a club in Berlin and not on set. The way you and Tom danced and moved to the music just made so much sense.
“She turned around and gave that big booty a smack,” Tom spun around as you slap his ass causing an eruption of laughter from everyone who was watching.
You and Tom were trying to hold your composure but that failed miserably as you grab Tom’s arms to stabilise yourself but turned out he had no sense of stability at that moment as the two of you fall to the ground. A light scream leaving your lips as you fall on top of Tom.
And then the camera focused on the ground as Rachel had leaned over, hands on thighs as she laughed out loud. If anyone didn’t know the context of that clip, they probably would have thought that you two were drunk but truth was you were quite sober.
The crowd on set burst out into laughter as you cover your face in slight embarrassment, Tom laughing along with the host as he pats your head.
~
“What do you usually do when you’re not filming on set?” Tom gives you a look as you bite back a laugh. “I think everyone knows this but, film tiktoks” The crowd breaks into laughter as they knew what you were talking about.
“Yeah Y/n is always filming tiktok and forcing me to do them with her,” Tom grips your thigh, shaking it lightly as you roll your eyes. “No I do not, you always want to be in them!” You argue with him. “Why don’t we watch a few of them here?” Kelly Clarkson recommended as you squeeze Tom’s arm with a smile.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CQrdGn8AYiD/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== The first tiktok was of you, Tom, Rachel, and Josh in your trailer. You had the idea in your head for a while now and showed them all. “Please don’t drop me babe,” You say to Tom as you set up the camera, “I would never,” You hear him say followed by giggle.
You expected to land in Tom’s arms. Not the floor. You let out a yelp as Tom slaps his hand over his mouth. The three of them laughing their asses off while you landed on yours with a loud thud. “It’s not funny you idiot,” You slap his arm as he picks you up, apologising to you by peppering your face with kisses.
You had to admit it was pretty funny rewatching the tiktok. “You weren’t supposed to catch my feet!” You say in between laughs as you post the tiktok.
~
“This one, captioned name a better duo, I’ll wait has gone quite viral with over 10 million views,” Kelly exclaims as you cross your legs at your knees nodding your head as the video plays on the screen. https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSNVsM6kw/
“Tom,” You tap your boyfriend’s shoulder as he hums. You had just finished filming a scene together and had abit of time before you were up again. You were both in your mentor outfits, Tom having his blonde locks today.
“I wanna film this tiktok, come be in it?” You urge him as he looks up from his phone seeing a glint of playfulness in your eyes as he lets out a sigh.
Tom secretly loved making tiktoks with you, especially since he wasn’t on it and found the stuff you make him do were interesting and funny. You had hundreds of random tiktoks that you filmed on set saved into your drafts, half of them were of you and Tom.
Your hair stylist helped film the tiktok as the two of you did it out in the open, a bunch of the filming team watching with curiosity and laughing as they walk by. Other cast members such as Josh, Hunter and a bunch of the mentor actors walked by ended up being in the background of it.
You and Tom moved along to the beat, literally just vibing to the music. You wrote on the tiktok “the funniest duo on set>>>” and you weren’t lying.
~
“We are here with the cast of the Hunger Games Prequel, the ballad of songbirds and snakes!” The crowd cheered as you, Tom, Josh, and Rachel smiles. “From what I’ve seen, you guys are actually TikTok sensations!” An eruption of laughter followed.
“This TikTok here specifically,” https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSNqguTEY/ you all turn your head to watch the TikTok play on screen as you all start to laugh. “Tom, where were you while this was happening,” The host looks at Tom whose eyes were trained on the ground, a grin forming on his lips.
“I’m actually there in the tiktok, on the bed. Trying to sleep.” He deadpans as you giggle, leaning your head on his shoulder as you grip his arm. “Yeah this was after we came back from partying in Berlin, obviously for some of us, our night didn’t end yet,” Tom chuckles as everyone bursts out in laughter.
“Let’s do that tiktok!” You squeal the second you enter the room. Opening up tiktok, you find the video and show Josh, Hunter, Rachel, and Tom it. Tom’s arms were thrown around your shoulders, his head resting on your head due to the height difference.
“I think I’m going to go to bed,” He yawns, kissing your cheek before you all bid him goodnight. Tom couldn’t even get 5 minutes of peacefulness as the four of you spill into the bedroom and set up your phone. He lets out a quiet groan at the noise and flashing of lights as he digs his head deep into his pillow.
~
“Babeee,” You call out as you step into the hair and makeup trailer. He was sitting on a chair, fully dressed in his peacekeeper outfit, hair free from his wig.
He looked more presentable compared to you and Rachel who still had hair rollers on and were still in your robes. You had seen a new trend going around tiktok where you would stare at a guy with Justin Timberlake’s mirrors playing in the background, and you wanted to do it with Tom https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSNqnRSNJ/
One side of his lips turns up as he looks up at you, “I’m filming a tiktok and I want you to be in it,” You say with puppy eyes although you know he wouldn’t refuse. You even got his hair and makeup artists, Stacey and Jade to be in on it too.
You pull up a chair beside Tom as you set up the camera. “Wait what am I supposed to do?” He asks, “Nothing, just sit there,” You innocently smile at him as he gives you a suspicious look but nods nonetheless, complying with whatever you were up to.
He honestly just expected to be on camera while you were doing something, but he did not expect to be stared down at by his girlfriend and hair and makeup artists. You stare intensely at Tom, trying your hardest to not laugh or look away.
Staring at your boyfriend has always not been an easy task, especially since he holds such intense eye contact. And his pretty blue eyes did not help at all. Tom tries not to laugh either as he gazes at you before his eyes flicker towards Stacey and Jade then back to you. “What’s going on,” He finally says as his body shakes from laughing.
The TikTok ends and you let out a small laugh, looking over the TikTok. You throw your head back in laughter at Tom’s face when you all look back to stare at him, honestly was priceless.
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moonydustx · 4 months
Text
A not so funny story
requests | mastelist
Summary: With Uta controlling everyone and the marine attacking, you needed to contain an unconscious Law who was looking to join the fight. Now, you need to deal with the consequences of him finding out about this.
Pairing: Trafalgar Law x F!Reader
Warnings: blood, Law hurts Reader (not on purpose), they both love each other, but they are idiots who don't know how to talk. Law doesn't know how to express his feelings in this one. Angst, kinda fluff/happy ending.
W/C: 3.6k
A/N: I just saw the movie Red and the idea came to my mind. I need to shake off the rust and get back to writing, I thought it would be a good solution. Despite being linked to the film OP Red, there may be some things that differ from the canon.
For those who haven't seen the film, a spoiler-free context: in the film, we see a singer called Uta, who Bepo is a fan of and, together with Law, go to the show. Problems happen, she puts everyone to sleep and with her power, she manipulates these sleeping people to fight with other people who want to stop her.
italics apply to flashbacks and thoughts
Part 2 | Part 3 (NSFW)
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The cold stone beneath you contrasted with your hot, sweaty body. You could feel the wounds burning on your body and if you reached out your hand, you could find the cause of them, your captain.
In the distance, you could hear someone calling your name and it didn't take long for Penguin to appear in your field of vision.
"Are you okay?"
"He gave me a hard time, but I'm fine. And you?" You grumbled, sitting up and taking in your surroundings. Apparently everyone had gone back to sleep.
"We're tired but fine. You're bleeding, do you need any help?"
"Everything is fine." You stood, with his help. "We need to get them out of here, I doubt the marines will miss the chance to catch so many pirates gathered in one place. At the very least, this will end in a fight."
You chose to help carry Bepo back to Polar Tang. Even though he was big, sharing the weight would be much easier than carrying Law alone. As soon as you entered the submarine, you disappeared from sight, leaving all of Uta's fight behind.
"Do you guys need help? I can see some pretty bad injuries from here." Ikkaku approached, already stopping the blood on your forehead. "Are they both okay?"
"We should take them to the infirmary and keep them under observation." you warned, seeing two other crew members carry them out of sight. "Can we get away from the fight?"
"Yeah, off their radar." someone answered you in the background.
"Perfect, keep us at this depth, keep an eye on the radios, any sign of change, if Law hasn't woken up, you look for me." You leaned against one of the tables, trying to ignore some of the pain in your body.
It was supposed to be just a quick show, at least that's what Bepo had said. Unfortunately for Law, he ended up being the polar bear's requested companion.
"Sure you don't want to change places with me?" Law appeared next to you, while you finished cleaning the kitchen.
"No captain, I'll be right here, with my duties." You smiled at him and, despite being frustrated, he let out a sideways smile.
"You know that I'm the captain right? That I can give the order and you have to go and I don't."
"You wouldn't be so mean, would you?" you asked indignantly and on one of the few occasions, you heard him laugh, even if it was low tone. "Captain!"
"I'm kidding. Just keep an eye on everything, okay? Don't let Shachi and Penguin cause any trouble."
"Yes, sir. And you, enjoy the show."
You were almost regretting not accepting the proposal. Law would certainly be much better at containing you and preventing you from getting into a big fight than you would be doing the opposite. But you liked the idea of ​​him trusting you.
"Everything is alright?" Ikkaku took you out of your reverie, noticing your body slightly bent and the blood falling on your forehead.
"Try holding back a furious Trafalgar Law from wanting to get into a fight and tell me if that's okay." You laughed, even though it took some of the air out of you. "Just a few bruises, nothing major."
"Come on, I'll help you take care of this." Ikkaku gently pulled you by the hand.
"Boys, do you deal with them?" you asked and they both nodded. "If Law wakes up, don't say anything to him about our little fight."
"You mean, about the big fucking beating he gave you?" Shachi teased you, earning a push.
"Exactly. He has bigger problems to worry about than dealing with this."
You and Ikkaku headed towards the dorm you shared. Your friend made a point of supporting you at every step, even if you insisted it wasn't necessary. She sat you down on the bed and grabbed a small first aid kit hidden on one of the shelves.
"Why not tell the captain?"
"Outch" you mumbled with one of the stitches she had on your face. "I have a feeling he's not going to like that we got into this fight without his presence."
"I think he'll be more resentful that you were the one who held him back." You laughed at her silly observation, then grumbled with another needle. Damn fight. "Don't act stupid."
"What you mean?"
"I'll let you choose. Between you being the only one who can steal books from him without him complaining or about every time we disembark, you having to be on his side. Should I mention that time he freaked out because Kid wanted to take you to the crew from him?" she laughed to herself, at her own memory. "What do you need to see that he likes you too?"
"And who said I like him?"
"Okay, you still want to keep hiding your feelings for him, just hide it better." she laughed again. It was clear to her - and anyone else who saw - that there was something between the two of you. You just prefer not to feed this illusion. "Still, I agree that he won't like all this one bit. Let's try to keep out of his sight."
Law was still trying to assimilate everything that happened. Uta's show had turned into a war scene and in the end, even he had become a puppet. That idea would haunt him for a long time.
Despite recent events, Polar Tang was quiet, too quiet. He could hear some buzzing, nothing he could identify. Another thing he couldn't place was you. The last time he saw you, he had tried to bargain for your presence at the show, even though he had asked to change places with you, he didn't think the idea of ​​going with you was bad. You'd probably hate the song, but he'd enjoy your sarcastic comments about any awkward situation. A small laugh crossed his lips when he thought about what you would say to see little Bepo.
At dinner, he observed Shachi, Penguin and Bepo, talking to each other. The concerned expressions denoted the seriousness of the matter, but that could come later. Even though he slept through it all, he still felt tired.
At lunch the next day, again, nothing from you. Ikkaku was also missing. It was impossible for the two of them to have disappeared together and without any justification. He tried not to think about the worst-case scenarios, but no matter how much he denied it, he wasn't such an optimistic person.
It only took a few seconds of your three companions stalling for him to know that you and Ikkaku were up to something or had already been up to something. He left them behind, following with firm steps to your room.
"I didn't see you two at lunch or yesterday at dinner, I wanted to know..." you two found Law leaning against the door of your room. His relaxed position disappeared in seconds when he looked at where Ikkaku's hand joined your forehead. "What happened?"
"Just a few scratches, nothing major." your colleague replied before you could open your mouth. She knew - actually, you weren't that good at hiding it - about your feelings and how easily you could wrap your head around your own words.
"Yeah, they're from yesterday, some scratches." you tried to complement, the captain's serious expression made it clear that that hadn't helped at all.
"Nothing much and that's why you haven't shown up since yesterday?" he grumbled and before he could continue his lecture, he felt his body being pushed forward, with Bepo, Shachi and Penguin falling beside him. "What the fuck?"
"We just wanted to know if you already know that she was the one..." before the bear finished speaking, the other two covered his mouth.
The grey eyes trailed from you to Ikkaku, to the group lying next to him, and back to you again. The small stress that was forming inside Law turned into concern when he saw the small trickle of blood dripping from your eyebrow.
It only took a few moments away for you to appear like that and he would never tolerate that, you didn't need to know about his feelings or how he was already thinking about taking revenge on whoever had done that, he would deal with it after taking care of your wound .
"Everyone out." you made to follow Ikkaku, stopping a few meters away. "Not you, I need to see this."
The door to the small room knocked subtly behind Law, who waited for a few seconds to approach you. The two of you already had a considerable height difference, but when you felt Law's cold, tattooed fingers on your chin, you felt even smaller. He turned both sides of your face, despite the cold touch, you could feel your skin burn beneath his fingers.
"You're warm, but I don't see any trace of infection." Not this one, you thought. "Give me the name?"
"Name?"
"Which idiot did this?" he replied without much patience, his fingers leaving your face behind.
"This is going to be a funny story." you laughed, stopping immediately when you saw him look deep into your eyes, his expression serious in an almost irritating way.
"Someone decided to hurt one of my crew. I don't think it's such a funny story. Who did it?"
"Captain of the Heart Pirates, Trafalgar Law." your answer didn't seem to catch him instantly, with each word that left your mouth, you could see him getting paler and paler. "I believe you already know, but Uta managed to control everyone who was asleep to attack the pirates and the marines and with that, you and Bepo were also controlled. The boys held Bepo and I had to deal with you, but everything is fine. "
"They told me about Bepo..." he seemed lost for words, taking a certain distance from you and leaning on the small table in your room. "So you restrained me, alone?"
"You, actually Uta, didn't have access to your Devil Fruit powers, it ended up being easier. After all, our mission was just to keep you two away from the navy." you explained, leaning on the opposite side to where he was, seeing his crestfallen expression. "Like I said, it's okay captain."
"Where else did I hurt you?" the question took you by surprise, making it difficult to hide your reaction. "I know my strength, I have a feeling it wasn't just that. I could see it myself, but I trust you, so please."
With your fists clenched and your gaze following your every step, Law could see your hand go to your ribs, along with a grumble, as you bent down to pick up a small cloth and fill it with something that smelled similar to alcohol. As much as he noticed you trying hard, he could see you limping. He watched you smear the contents on one of your cheeks and your arm, revealing some bruises.
You stopped in front of him, letting him analyze. Despite the pain throughout your body, Law's proximity was almost like an anesthetic. If he stayed there, you wouldn't mind spending the day under his gaze. Law took your arm, gently sliding his fingers under the bruise, watching you flinch in discomfort. His hands practically put your arm back in place and placed themselves on the zipper of your jumpsuit.
Your hands placed themselves next to his, pulling the device and opening the entire piece. Of all the times he had dreamed of touching your skin, none had felt like this. He liked to imagine how soft it would be, to think about how your body would shiver, to feel with his own lips every piece of exposed skin, while he heard you ask for more. All the purple spots he had dreamed of leaving on your skin were nothing like the one he saw. Thoughts would need to be put aside at that moment.
His hand knocked down one side of your jumpsuit, showing the large bruise on your rib, which made him hold his breath for a few seconds.
"What else?" his voice was barely audible. He knew there was more to it, but he didn't want to be invasive.
"Just this cut." you took off the other strap of your jumpsuit and let it fall below your waist, showing the wound on your thigh. It wasn't that big, but when you both looked at the place, you understood where all the warmth in your body was coming from. "Shit. It wasn't like this last time I looked." actually it was, you just wanted to spare him the worry.
You adjusted your jumpsuit, leaving the top hanging around your waist. Your eyes searched for Law's, but he seemed to be far away, even just a few centimeters away. For some time, he didn't say anything. His eyes followed one point you had shown and others, looking for other signs. His hands prostrated in front of his body, why had he done that? Why hurt you?
"Law?"
"I...I..." the words seemed stuck somewhere inside him. His hands placed themselves next to your face, a gesture you hadn't received from him yet. "I don't know how to apologize. Forgive me, I didn't want any of this to happen."
"No need, Law, really. I was doing what any of us would do, taking care of our crew, taking care of our captain."
Again the words seemed to have escaped him. He just wished he could hold you and apologize a thousand times, hold you there and heal every little part of you and never allow anything to hurt you again. Some conscious side of him screamed in the background that this wasn't anyone's fault, but the sound seemed so far away to hear, while the picture of what he had done was so close to him.
A few seconds passed, his hands were still on your face, while you just enjoyed the awkward affection you received. He didn't know how to deal with that feeling, it was a guilt like he had never felt. Along with a fear, a need to see you well. There were too many things to deal with and at that moment, he chose to be the most rational one.
"It's infected and may have broken something." Law let his medical side take control of the situation. "Room. Shambles."
Before you even noticed the blue dome surrounding you, the two of you had already been transported to the infirmary. You remained standing in your place as you watched the captain hurriedly walk around the room, collecting some materials and before you could try to get on the stretcher, the two of you were already being taken to another place.
The table full of books, the small window of the Polar Tang showing some little orange fish passing by outside, a cozy bed, even with the sheets spread out. That definitely wasn't your room. You watched Law leave the materials on the table and reach Kikoku. You saw the blue dome again, this time, you knew that he was using his powers to confirm that you had indeed presented all your injuries to him.
"I was worried about your rib, but apparently it was just the bruise. Now about your leg, I may need to redo those stitches and medicate you. I can't let the infection spread."
You knew he was nervous, bordering on anxious, but you had known him long enough to know that stopping him from treating you would be even worse. You had chosen to hide your injuries so that Law wouldn't feel guilty, now that he knew, you didn't have much else to do.
"Law." you called out to him carefully, as he prepared the medication. "Do you mind if I bathe first?"
"Sure, I mean, no problem. Just wait a second." He walked away from the table and piled up some things, which he handed into your hand. "Here's my towel, I also left some clothes in case you want to use them, if you don't want to, that's okay. I can ask Ikkaku..."
"This is perfect, thank you Law." you hugged the small bundle of clothes close to your body.
"Room." again, in a matter of seconds, you were at the bathroom door. "I'm sorry, but your leg is really hurt, you shouldn't force it while walking."
"Okay" unlike the time he had taken you to the infirmary, now he had transported you close to each other, which made the air disappear from your lungs. "Can you wait for me? I mean, you said I wouldn't I should force my leg and..."
"I'll be outside, just call me and I'll be here." Please call me, Law's inner voice practically screamed.
Your shower was much quicker than you expected. Just knowing that he was waiting for you outside made butterflies fight in your stomach. You gently dried your body and took the clothes he had given you. Something that looked like shorts - it might have been underwear, but you didn't worry about that right now - and a black button-down shirt. As soon as you button the last button, you can pay attention to the smell of the fabric. Something soft, woody, you wondered if that was his scent.
"Law?" All it took was a small call and he soon entered the bathroom. Not as discreetly as he expected, his eyes roamed your body. "Can you help me?"
"Of course" your feet left the floor, giving you a few seconds to assimilate that he had picked you up and carried you back to the room. He hadn't done this before, but you preferred to just enjoy the sensation, locking your arms around his neck.
With a few steps inside the room, he placed you lying on the bed, pulling a rod further to the side, only then did you notice the hanging IV.
Law bent down, reaching your arm level, cleaning it with a small piece of cotton. He looked at the wound on your leg. In silence, he cleaned the area and took some bandages, placing them across the entire length of the wound. The contrast between your warm skin and his cold hands was strangely comfortable. You wished they would last a little longer there.
"I think we can leave these stitches for another day, but I need you to take this medicine. It's an antibiotic, the infection is small, but I'd rather take care of it soon." He pulled the small needle, seeing your face pale. "I'm sorry darling, but it's the best option we have."
Darling.
That word would echo in your mind for a long time. The fear of the needle that was about to come into contact with your skin eased when you saw the care he took with each gesture.
"Just don't look, okay?" He waited for you to close your eyes. "Just a few seconds and that's it. You'll feel sleepy, but that's normal. As soon as you wake up, I'll bring you something to eat."
He got up and started to adjust the pillows on the bed, the ones that were around and under you. His hands rested around your body, his body was on top of yours, even without any immediate contact. It was inevitable not to get lost in his eyes, or see him do the same with yours. You would like to engrave that in your memory, forever.
"Are you comfortable?" his face still had the same tense expression from the first moment he found you in the room.
"I am, I promise." you replied, in a burst of courage, you brought your hand to his face, touching his cheek. "Law, what worries you so much?"
He walked away, sitting at the foot of the bed. You just straightened up so you could look at him. His tattooed hands took off his hat, fingers tangling against the dark strands.
"I can't deal with the fact that I did this. I did this to you. Of all the people that could have been there, I hurt you." he grumbled, turning so he could look at you. "You do not understand."
"Actually, I understand." your answer left him stunned for a few seconds. "But don't blame yourself, you didn't choose this, captain"
"I know, but at the same time..." he huffed, trying to find the right words, which scratched his insides every time he looked at your scourged face. "You understand me, huh? I mean, I don't just see you as a crew member and something tells me you don't just see me as your captain. And knowing that of all the things that could have happened, I hurt you. I promise compensate you for everything."
"About what you said, about what we see in each other." your thought was interrupted by a long yawn. "What should we do about this?" You made to get up, but the IV attached seemed to transmit drowsiness straight to your body. Your eyes were already starting to get heavy.
"That we can deal with this later. You took care of me, now it's my duty to take care of you. For that, you need to rest." His hands reached yours, giving a slight laugh when he saw you fighting with your own eyes, wanting to leave them open. "I promise not to hurt you again or let anyone else hurt you."
Before you fall asleep for good, you can feel his lips on your hand.
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fushigowo · 1 year
Text
𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐒𝐓 | 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔
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⇢ ˗ˏˋ PAIRING: gojo satoru x fem!reader
⇢ ˗ˏˋ SYNOPSIS: the aftermath of yours and gojo satoru’s midterm essay and how your relationship came to existence. contrary to popular belief, gojo satoru is actually the sweetest jerk of a boyfriend you’ve ever had.
⇢ ˗ˏˋ WARNINGS: none!! just some cute fluff and suggestive themes <3
⇢ ˗ˏˋ NOTE: i have finally awaken from my peaceful century of slumber, resurrecting amidst the fog from the land of the dead, and bringing back the fluffiest, tooth-aching, heart-warming set of fluff i have ever written.
⇢ ˗ˏˋ PART I | PART II
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1. The midterm essay was a success. However, Gojo Satoru noticed that something is wrong.
You and Satoru were able to score a high grade in your midterms for literature class. It was amazing how the two of you managed to finish a ten-page essay regarding the social context of Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck. However… during the week of working on the essay, of course there were some… other sessions that Satoru initiated.
During the entire week, you felt like you had lost your ability to walk and you’re not even exaggerating.
“You okay, sweetheart? I didn’t overdid it this time, right?” Satoru asks as he puts his shirt on while sitting on the edge of your bed.
“I’m literally struggling to walk right now, Satoru.” You stare at him in disbelief.
“Oops, my bad!”
But that being said, the entire week was a blast for both you and Satoru. Not only you’ve been fucked several times by your beloved, you also earned a high grade from your literature professor and was able to help Satoru in LIT 2000.
After the midterm week, Satoru noticed that you’re back to being the shy quiet student who rarely participates in class again. You’ve also been ignoring him after the week. The white-haired man couldn’t help but feel unsettled about your actions. Because why would you avoid him when you like him so much? And to Satoru, being ignored by the person he admires and likes is no different from being stabbed right through the chest.
Why were you being so distant from him all of the sudden? Why were you ignoring him like you didn’t just spend the entire week together?
Satoru knows that something is wrong so he decided to disturb you when you were studying in the library.
You were busy studying for a test when a loud voice called you from afar; a voice that you knew too well.
When you raised your head to stare at him, the other people in the library were staring daggers at him. Satoru makes his way towards you, ignoring the other students and even the librarian. The white-haired man stops in front of your table and sits across where you’re sitting.
“Hey, sweets,” he smiles. “What are you doing?”
“Studying…?” you said, as if it wasn’t obvious. “Why are you here, Satoru?”
“The question is why are you ignoring me?”
You let out a sigh and ignored his question. You close your laptop and pack your pens and notebooks but Satoru suddenly grip your wrist, making you look at him with furrowed eyebrows.
“What is it, Satoru?” you ask, trying not to make your voice loud enough for everyone else to hear. “Look, let’s not discuss it here.”
“Fine. Take me somewhere more private.”
And that’s how you end up being eaten out by Gojo Satoru in the most secluded part of the library after explaining why you’ve been avoiding him.
2. Gojo Satoru remembers the little details.
After a tiring week, Satoru came busting in your library work to free you from the stress that you’ve been dealing with since… well, since forever, he thinks. But now, he’s here to alleviate your stress (and back pain).
Satoru had plans of dragging you out from your library work but he had to wait for you to finish since library work is an important part of your schedule. After that, he finally drags you out of campus to try the new dessert shop that had recently opened.
“I know you’re fond of sweets because it relieves your stress,” he smiles at you before holding your hand and enters the small shop. “I had to explore places that serve desserts near the campus so I can treat you. Oh, and you definitely deserve a treat after a stressful week.”
Oh… he remembers my rambles during aftercare.
Your heart races rapidly inside your chest, cheeks start to heat at the sweet gesture of Satoru. Like he predicted, the weight on your back of carrying loads of responsibilities and stress was suddenly lifted. It was amazing how Satoru was able to understand you more than you understand yourself. He knows what to say, what to do, and what not to do to lighten your mood.
Contrary to popular belief that Gojo Satoru is a cheating fuckboy, he is actually the opposite. Every one in the campus just see him as one because of how he constantly flirts with every girl he sees. In your defense, you think Satoru is just being nice to them. The nicknames are actually what gives it. He told you that he just likes calling everyone with the nicknames he gives.
“Sooooo… how is it? It’s good, right?” he smiles.
“Yeah. So good.” you smile back.
“You got something on your nose,” he says.
“Hmm? Where?”
“Here!” he yells before coating the tip of your nose with chocolate ice cream.
3. Gojo Satoru understands how your mind works.
You are anxious.
And Satoru can see it.
Sitting on top of the rooftop of your apartment building, you stare at the cityscape with your arms wrapped around your legs and chin on top of your knees. Satoru sits down next to you and asks what’s wrong but you didn’t answer and just continue to stare at nothing.
“Alright. Tell me what’s in your mind, sweetheart,” he says. “Something’s bothering you, obviously.”
“I’m just… I’m scared, Satoru,” you whisper, still not looking at him because of how pathetic you feel. “I’m scared of what might come. I don’t know how things will be for me after I graduate. Like, I know I have plans—big plans—but what if… what if I didn’t—what if I didn’t get to do all those plans? What will happen to me then? What will happen to me if I didn’t get to live the life that I wanted? If I didn’t get to become the person that I wanted to be?”
When you finally had the courage to look at him, your eyes are blurred with hot tears, making Satoru’s eyes soften at your current state.
Satoru doesn’t understand why but he likes it when you’re vulnerable around him. He likes it when you’re not scared of telling him what you really feel and what goes inside your head. Because a person like you, who rarely opens up to anyone in their life, means that you trust him enough to tell these things and to be vulnerable around him.
“I’m sorry, Satoru. I shouldn’t have said tha—”
“Thanks for telling me that, sweetheart.” he smiles before cupping your cheeks, his thumb rubs your soft skin, as if his hands are touching the most delicate flower that he has ever laid hands on, afraid of breaking its petals and ruining its beauty. But Satoru, no matter which state you are in, you are still the prettiest in his eyes.
“I know the future can be… shit and unpredictable but y’know, that’s kinda the exciting part of it. It’s full of… unexpected things; full of surprises; full of ups and downs. But one thing that I’m sure at is you will definitely be the person that you want to be. And right now, you’re doing everything you can to have the future that you want,” he says. “It’s okay to be anxious, sweetheart. Trust me when I say this, you will get the things you want and desire because you work so hard for it. Even if you didn’t get all of what you want, I’ll be by your side to help you. Even if you feel like what you did wasn’t enough, I’ll be by your side to tell you that it’s more than enough, okay? You are more than enough. Now come here and give me a hug.”
You smile at him as you sniff and wipe your tears away before giving him a tight hug. Satoru kisses your forehead.
And what seems like a dream is actually a moment in reality.
4. Gojo Satoru is your biggest supporter and your number one fan.
Upon sitting on your desk in LIT 2000, your professor called your name for you to recite the earlier discussions regarding your lesson last meeting, which was African American Literature. Recently, Satoru has been participating more and more in class which was because of you.
He figured that if his girl is the smartest student in class, then he’d better step up and level your intelligence. Everyone else were surprised except you and your professor. The both of you know damn well that Satoru is a smarter than he looks. But Satoru’s recent constant participation burned something inside you. Every time he speaks, he would look at you with a smirk on his face. It was as if he was taunting you.
Ever since you and Satoru would do your study routine together, his grades were over the top and his participation started to become consistent. Of course you wouldn’t let your smartass boy take the number one rank in literature class from you.
“Yes, Mr. Gojo? Would you like to share your—”
“I would like to answer it, professor.” you raise your hand, surprising the others as well as Satoru.
When you finally stand up from your seat, all eyes are on you as you answer the professor’s question. But it was then followed by another question and another question, and you figured that your professor is definitely taking her time asking you all those questions to make up for the ones that you didn’t answer because of your… shyness. As you answer every question she throws at you, the smile on Satoru’s glossy lips becomes wider and wider as this is the first time he has witnessed you talk in full confidence.
“Yes! That’s my girl!” his loud voiced echoes in the entire classroom, which made you hide your face from your professor and the others because of how… embarrassing that was.
When you finally sit back down, you look over your shoulder and made a face, asking ‘what the fuck was that?’. But Satoru just smiles widely at you and gave you a thumbs up.
You couldn’t help but to smile back at him and give him a thumbs up.
5. Gojo Satoru finally unmasked himself in front of you.
It was the worst of times of Satoru.
However, everyone was oblivious to that thought. Well, almost everyone. To them, Satoru remains the same goofy person that he is even after… losing someone so important to him. To them, Satoru is a big asshole. Why? A big asshole for not even shedding a tear even after losing someone important to him. A big asshole for not reacting the way a normal person would react to a loved one’s death.
How did Satoru react?
Laughing and shrugging everything off. Showing no signs of tears nor sympathy. He just fucking shrugs it off.
“Oh, yeah that! I’m not thinking about it too much, y’know? I’ll eventually get over it!” he smiles. “People come and go after all.”
And people would say to him: “How can you be so insensitive?”
To everyone, Gojo Satoru is a rude, insensitive jerk.
Well, almost everyone.
“Satoru?” you call out. “You can talk to me. I’m right here. I’ll listen.”
Satoru’s back is facing you and you notice how he wiped something off from his face and sniffed before turning around for you to see a wide smile on his face as if he’s not falling apart. His red yet pretty eyes says otherwise.
“Hey, sweetheart! What are ya doing here? Went to see me for a kiss?”
“Satoru,” you mumble. You are definitely not amused. “Stop it.”
“Stop what—”
“Stop whatever this is,” you say. “You keep putting on these faces to make everyone see that you’re okay or unaffected by these events but I know that you’re falling apart, Satoru.”
Satoru’s smile slowly disappear from his face as he continues to listen to you.
“You can cry in front of me. You can tell me what’s in your mind. You can let yourself out of that�� that façade of yours and just fall apart just this once.” This time you look at him straight in the eyes. “I just don’t want you to go through this alone, Satoru. I’m here. Let me carry the weight of grief with you.”
And then, Gojo Satoru fell apart… but this time, you were there to pick him back up.
Satoru wraps his arms around you. His legs start to wobble, making him fall down on the concrete along with you. Even though his face is buried on your chest and his arms wrapped around your back, you can tell that Satoru is crying because of his quiet whimpers and sniffs.
“It’s okay, Satoru,” you whisper as you caress his pearl white hair. “I’m here.”
“I lost him,” he whispers, accompanied by whimpers and hiccups. “My best friend… the only one I had…”
For the first time, Gojo Satoru finally unmasked himself in front of you.
6. Gojo Satoru has interesting ways to claim that you are his.
Satoru had invited you in their fraternity party.
It wasn’t the first time that you’ve been in these kinds of party. Your best friend invited you to come with her before but that was the last time you went to one because of how uncomfortable it was for you. Your best friend told you that she’ll stay by your side the entire night but once the both of you had entered the party, she was already chugging down some beers and partying with the other students, leaving you no choice but to sit and hide in the corner.
But this time, you had trust in Satoru that he’ll never leave your side because you already told him why you don’t come to these kinds of parties anymore.
Now, you’re sitting next to Satoru, talking to some of his friends and some freshmem that tagged along. The freshmen—Kugisaki Nobara, Itadori Yuuji, and Fushiguro Megumi—are actually fun and nice to hangout with.
This is the first time that you’ve enjoyed a party.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Satoru leans closer to your ear for you to hear. “I’ll go grab us another beer. Don’t talk to anyone you don’t know, ‘kay? I’ll be right back,” he says before kissing your temple and stands up from where he’s sitting.
After a few minutes of waiting for Satoru, you felt uneasy so you left your seat to go look for him. Since he was getting drinks, you figured he'd be somewhere in the kitchen where you encountered someone you don’t know. The guy was probably drunk since he can’t seem to walk straight and has a bottle of beer in his hands.
“Hey, pretty, what are you here for?” he asks, making you back away.
“Uh—I’m just—I’m looking for my—”
“Hey, sweetheart! What’re you doing here? I got us some drinks!”
Hearing your boyfriend’s voice made the fear and panic jump out of you. When you saw him through the doorway, you immediately sprint towards him and wrap your arms around his waist.
“And I thought she’d be available in bed,” the guy mumbles, making Satoru furrow his eyebrows and the next thing you knew, the guy was beaten up pretty badly and your boyfriend was kicked out of the party and the two of you spent the night driving around the city, looking for the perfect spot of the city lights where you and your boyfriend can feel like you’re on top of the world.
7. Gojo Satoru loves your drunken state.
When you told Satoru that you’d be out drinking with your friends, he asked each and every one of them to text him if you ever get drunk. He doesn’t want you to take an uber or have your friends take you home, he wants to be the one doing that so he is sure that you are completely safe.
And that’s what your friends did.
When you finished two bottles of beer, you were a complete mess and god knows how much of a mess you are when you’re drunk as hell. The moment that your friends realized that you need to be taken home is when you started to cry about how much you miss your boyfriend and kept asking why your friends took him away from you.
So when Satoru got to the street where he’s supposed to meet up with your friends and you, he didn’t know what he was seeing. You were throwing up in a trash bin like you’re about to transform into a fucking werewolf.
“How many did she drink?” he asks.
“Five. She was… enjoying,” one of your friends replies.
“I can see that,” he chuckles before taking you in his arms. “How worse was it?”
“Not worse than before. All she did was cry and whine. Anyways, our ride will be here soon. Take good care of her, Gojo. We trust you.”
“Yep. Thanks for looking after her!”
Satoru waves to your friends as they get inside the car then turns his gaze on you, clinging onto him like a koala holding onto a tree.
“All right, sweetheart. Let’s go home, yeah?”
Oh, you were drunk as fuck, alright. You can barely even walk so Satoru decided to carry you like a newly wedded wife. But your sniffs and whimpers stop him in his tracks to check up on you.
“You okay, babe?” he asks. You nod and wiggle yourself to get out of Satoru’s grasp to make yourself walk. You told him you can, so he let you. Now you’re wiggling and can’t even walk a straight line while your boyfriend chuckles from behind.
“All right, that’s enough,” he says before holding you again.
Satoru cages you closer in his embrace, feeling your warmth and breathing the scent of alcohol in you. But your instincts suddenly kick in, so you shoved Satoru over before yelling, “I have a boyfriend, mister! His name’s Satoru and he’s gonna beat you up if you touch me!”
“Oh? Who’s your boyfriend again?” Satoru tries his best not to laugh.
“Gojo Satoru. And he’s not gonna be my boyfriend anymore after this,” you say.
“Why not?” Satoru raises an eyebrow.
“Because I’m gonna propose to him and ask him to marry me so he can be my husband,” you chuckle. “So don’t touch me! I need to go home to him!”
Satoru lets out a laugh, almost loud enough to echo in the quiet streets an hour after midnight. His shoulders shaking up and down as he amuses himself at the things you were saying in your drunken state.
No wonder you don’t drink much when you’re out with Satoru. You don’t want him to see you in your drunken state yet this is a side of you that Satoru wants to see. Yes, he knows you’re an introverted woman who is secretly a very horny one yet comfortable when it comes to people she’s close with, but this is something that Satoru has not yet seen. He doesn’t know if he’s going to record you or just let this be a memory in his mind. He chuckles to himself and figured that this is something that only he knows and he witnessed.
“Oh, that won’t happen, sweetheart!” Satoru hugs you behind your back, his chin resting on your shoulder.
“Why not? Is he dating another person? Would he say no if I propose to him? What if he says he doesn’t want me to be his wife?! What if—”
“No! That’s not what I mean,” he chuckles. “That’s not gonna happen because… Satoru will propose to you first. He will ask you to be his wife and if you say yes, the two of you will have a cozy home and a sweet, little family, full of small Gojos and a pet too.”
“You think he’s gonna propose to me?” you ask.
“Oh, he definitely will,” Satoru smiles before wrapping his arms around you again to take you to his car. “Now let’s take you to Satoru.”
8. Gojo Satoru loves hearing you read to him.
Aftercare with Satoru is almost similar as being in heaven. His kisses, his rambles, his praises, the way he takes care of you, the way he whispers sweet nothings to you is the same as floating on Cloud Nine.
But this time, you wanted to be the one to take care of him, too.
“I love you so much, baby,” he whispers before kissing your temple. “I’ll make you a hot bath, okay?”
Just when he was about to stand up, you call out to him, making Satoru look over his shoulder.
“You can just stay here with me, ‘Toru. Let’s stay in bed for a while, please?”
And how can he say no when you’re giving him those doe eyes that he can’t resist?
So when you told him to get back on the sheets, Satoru didn’t hesitate to do so. With a large smile on his lips, your white-haired boyfriend settles himself on the bed, his arms wrapped around your back and his face rested on your chest, you being the big spoon and him, the little spoon.
“Read to me, angel,” he whispers. “Wanna hear your voice.”
“Okay,” you chuckle. You stretch your arm to get the book on the nightstand on your side of the bed. “Where did we stop—Ah, here.” You settle yourself wrapping your other arm around Satoru will the other holds the book.
You clear your throat before reading, “‘I want to make Romeo jealous. I want the dead lovers of the world to hear our laughter, and grow sad. I want a breath of our passion to stir their dust into consciousness, to wake their ashes into pain.’” As you read the passage from Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray, your fingers caress Satoru’s soft, white hair while the man feels himself slowly drifting to a peaceful sleep.
“YN?” he calls out.
“Hmm?” you hum in a low tone.
“I’m so glad we got partnered at that midterm essay.”
You chuckle before leaning closer to him. “I’m glad too, ‘Toru…”
9. Gojo Satoru gets along with your cat very well.
“Tada!”
“Uh, babe? What am I looking at?”
“His name’s Tooru! With double O’s!” You smile as you hold your white, Persian cat by its armpits, showing its full glory to your boyfriend. “He’s so white and fluffy and he reminds me of you, so I named him Tooru but it’s spelled with double O’s.” You nuzzle Tooru in your embrace while your boyfriend processes what’s happening.
Did you just replace him with a cat?
“Did you just replace me with a cat?”
You didn’t answer him. You didn’t even bother looking at him since you’re too busy baby-talking your new cat, Tooru. Satoru can’t deny that Tooru isn’t cute. In fact, he is the most adorable cat he has seen, but the now that you’re giving attention to your cat rather than him, he couldn’t help but be—
“…jealous? Satoru, are you jealous of Tooru?” you ask, almost bursting out in a laugh.
“So what if I am?” he pouts. “You obviously love him more than me! You only had him for, like, 4 hours and you have me for three years!”
“Come on, don’t be so immature, Satoru!” you chuckle. “Tooru deserves much as love as you get. Oh, and can you play with him for a while? I’ll make us dinner!”
You stand up and kiss Satoru on his cheek then kiss your cat all over his face before heading toward the kitchen. When you finally disappeared from Satoru and Tooru’s sight, your white-haired boyfriend glances at your cat like it’s about to steal the love of his life—which he actually thinks is happening right now.
The bored expression of your cat’s face as it stares into Satoru’s cerulean blue eyes makes him even more pissed because what are the odds that the cat has the same color of eyes as his? Your cat is the cat version of Satoru and he hates it because he is the only Gojo Satoru in your life. Immature, yes, but almost nothing is ever taken maturely by your boyfriend.
But since you came to love Tooru so much (but not much than you love him, Satoru thinks), he realizes that it would make you happy if he gets along well with your cat.
“Fine.” Satoru sighs. “Hi, Tooru! Aren’t you adorable?” your white-haired boyfriend attempts to caress Tooru’s soft fur but was taken aback and shrieked when Tooru’s claws swiftly attacked Satoru’s hand.
“Shit! What the fuck, Tooru!”
“What happened?” you run from the kitchen to the living room only to see your boyfriend’s arms crossed and your cat curled up at the corner as if a father is scolding at his child.
“Babe, Tooru just—”
“Oh, my poor baby.” You didn’t take a glance at Satoru and made your way to Tooru to caress him in your arms and pull him in a hug. “Satoru, you know better than to yell at our child! He’s just a kid!”
“Are you serious right now?”
It’s been weeks since Tooru came home with you and since then, he has been ruining yours and Satoru’s relationship. It’s as if the cat has a manipulative mind of its on to sabotage Satoru. And every time Tooru successfully does so, Satoru swears that his cute, little tongue sticks out to mock your white-haired boyfriend.
Now, you’re packing your bags to go visit your family for a few days. Satoru has to stay since he’s finishing his graduate studies in Language and Literature so your boyfriend has no choice but to stay with your cat that he cannot get along with.
“Alright, Tooru, your mom’s gone which means I’m in charge.”
For the next few days, Tooru has done nothing but mess with Satoru. But it wasn’t until your white-haired boyfriend finally figured something out when he bought a laser. He read somewhere that cats can be played and tamed with lasers and catnips and a ball of yarn so that’s what he did.
Satoru realizes that you cut Tooru’s claws before going so he won’t get a chance to claw him out. The more Satoru gets closer to Tooru, the more Tooru gets comfortable with him. So when your boyfriend thought it was time to buy another bed for Tooru, he bought the most expensive one since he thinks your cat will soften with him if he buys something expensive.
But that wasn’t until the package finally arrived but then Tooru decided to make the box of the package to be his shelter instead of the expensive one that Satoru bought.
“God, what would I do with you, you little devil.” Satoru chuckles then rubs Tooru’s head before picking him up in his arms. Satoru sits on the couch and opens the TV, your cat is now purring on his stomach. “Heh, your mom will be home for another hour now. And, you won’t be staying in our room for the night.”
After spending the night waiting for you while watching TV, Satoru fell asleep with Tooru still purring on his stomach, leaving the TV open. The dim light of the screen is the only source of light surrounding the apartment but it wasn't until you open the door and flick the light switch on. You were greeted by a sleeping Satoru and Tooru so you had to hold your excitement back in order to not wake them up.
My boys are so cute!
You cheer before taking a picture.
Needless to say, you had the photo put in a picture frame.
10. Gojo Satoru realizes that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
Satoru stirs awake from his sleep, his eyes start scanning the room, still engulfed with darkness with no rays of sunlight coming from the windows. The white-haired man glances at his sides to check the digital clock next to him, sitting on the nightstand. It’s already ten minutes past 3AM.
His gaze travels back to your side of the bed. There you were, so deep in a peaceful slumber as you lay on your sides, facing Satoru. He pulls the sheets of the bed up to your chest before letting out a soft chuckle. Satoru knew you were tired as hell after last night’s session since he couldn’t control himself.
His slender fingers caress your soft cheeks, your warmth traveling to his fingertips like lightning striking the grounds of the earth that sends shivers down his spine. Satoru leans in closer to you and gives you a delicate, gentle kiss on your forehead, his lips feels like petal gently touching the ground as he gives you his kisses.
“I love you,” he whispers.
Gojo Satoru couldn’t help but look forward for tomorrow and rest of the days, of the months, of the years that he will be spending with you soon. He looks forward to waking up every morning when the first thing he will be seeing is your face, he looks forward to spending peaceful days with you and Tooru, and he looks forward to spending the rest of his life with you.
From the moment Gojo Satoru enters your life, his goal from the very start was to marry you, and that’s what he’s going to do.
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gglitch1dd · 4 days
Text
A Former Hero
Blind DILF Midoriya Izuku x Fem Reader
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Context: Izuku is just trying to get his groceries when he runs into you.
WARNING: Blind Izuku, blind jokes
Note: This WILL NOT be having a part 2. I wrote this 2 years ago and only remembered about it now. So my writing style is pretty old here.
The soft tap of the white and red striped cane was something that he had gotten used to, as the man tried to make his way from the entrance of the store he knew well, to the customer help desk, mostly based off of memory. He always disliked how far away it was from the entrance, but he never had trouble with the distance before he went blind, so he wasn’t sure whether he was allowed to complain or not.
All he had to do was get there, grab the bag and get out. Like clockwork.
The man perked up but didn’t stop. The sound of heavy footsteps were closing in on him. There was someone running in front of him. Years of training and experience in being a hero making his senses extra sensitive.
A group of older kids, maybe 11 to 13, laughing and giggling amongst themselves moved in a line together in the same isle of the man in front of them. Not noticing him, or more specifically his lack of sight, one of them bumped into him, nearly knocking him over. Before he could use his reflexes two hands held him up right unexpectedly.
“Hey!” You stood holding onto the rather large man as you glared over at the kids behind him. “You bumped into him. The least you could do is apologize if you bump into someone!” You shouted at them.
One of them rolled their eyes at you, while another sighed. The one that actually bumped him, rubbed the back of her neck. “Sorry about that.” She apologized with a shallow bow before turning back to her friends. “Come on, lets just go.” She told them. You ignored their little snide remarks about you and returned your attention to the man you were stopping from getting to his destination.
You shook your head with a tsk. “One day, I’m going to punch someone else’s child.” You said more to yourself than to anyone else.
You heard a chuckle resonate from your right catching you off guard. It was such a deep chuckle it took you by surprise. “I promise not to tell a soul if you do.” He said straightening up to his full height. “If you get caught though, I promise to be your alibi. I didn’t see a thing.” The man in front of you was tall, really tall, much taller than you and had a broad build that showed he worked out. He had a black cap over his head, concealing any sort of hair with dark sunglasses covering his eyes. His face was speckled in freckles, with four main ones that were extremely prominent on both cheeks. He gave you a small smile.
After a moment, you let out a snort at his satire. You let out a laugh making his smile broaden. You waved a finger at him. “Ah. I see what you did there.”
“I didn’t.”
“Well-” You stopped yourself mid-sentence. He did it again, this time his smile turned into a grin exposing sharp canines. You glared at him. “You’re not funny.” You said, even though you were smiling.
“I’d like to think I am.” He told himself. “And either way, I can hear your smile, so totally worth it.” You chuckled at the strange man in front of you, even though dressed in rather dark clothing, he seemed like a bright person in reality. “Thank you, by the way.” His smile slowly dropping from his face. He motioned behind him. “For that.”
“Oh, that was nothing.” You promised him. “It was the right thing to do. Someone’s gotta say something.” You told him truthfully. “Actually, can I help you with anything?” You asked him, trying your best to sound as respectful as possible as to not offend him. You had your fair share of people swatting you at the back of the head for ‘assuming’ them helpless. “I don’t have anything to do right now actually, and I’m done stacking the cans of beans anyways.” You said motioning to where you were seated on a crate. You quickly dropped your hands once you, again, realized who you were talking to. Heat rushing to your face as you internally cursed at yourself.
So, you were a worker? Probably new since you didn’t know he was a regular here. He hummed in thought. It would surely make this whole processes easier and faster for him to get back home. He nodded his head. “Sure, that would be great actually.”
“Alright. I…” You stood next to him facing forward. “I’m going to take your arm, is that alright?” You asked hesitantly.
He smiled at the fact you were warning him and asking for his consent first. “Yes.” He let out with an underlying laugh. “That’s alright.”
You carefully wrapped your arm around his, hooking yours with his. His arm was thick and muscled underneath his black hoodie. You wondered what he did for a living. Once you had adjusted to the size of his body next to yours, you led him forward. “Forward please. I’ll make sure you won’t hit anything, promise.” You told him.
“Well, I can only trust you.” He expressed.
Surprisingly you led him really well. Down the aisle together, you sparking bits of simple conversation like about the weather, and then you realizing he couldn’t see the weather and then you profusely apologizing that you couldn’t watch what you were saying and him laughing. He shook his head, telling you that it was fine and he enjoyed the warm weather outside. Finding it refreshing.
Then you were at the customer help desk, one of your follow employees standing at the waiting. An older woman with greying hair who had been working there for years. For the short time that you had been employed, she never hesitated to guide you and help you at your new job. The older lady perked up in surprise, upon seeing you walk with someone she knew as a regular. “Mr Midoriya.” She greeted with a bow. Your eyebrows raised. So, that was his name. “How are you today?” She asked him as she bent down to get something from under the counter.
He smiled. “I’m fine, thank you. Are you alright, Mrs Fujita? How are the triplets?” He asked.
She gave a pulled-out sigh. “You know children, Mr Midoriya. Always wanting to do and have everything.”
Midoriya hummed in agreement, knowingly. “Yes, I always have to ask you for extra sweets because Honoka keeps eating all of mine.” He states amusingly, making Mrs Fujita laugh. Mrs Fujita placed one of their weekly food bags on the table. It was supposed to be in a box but was placed in a pretty picnic bag instead. “Although I think her mom is starting to notice the sugar highs she has when she leaves my place.”
You looked between him and Mrs Fujita listening on their conversation. He was a father? You looked at his hands still holding his white cane. His left hand was bare of any sort of ring. Single father?
Mrs Fujita laughed. She then noticed your inquisitive look. “I see you’ve met our newest worker, Y/N.”
“Y/N?” He asked. You hummed squeezing his arm once to indicate to him that you were still there. He turned his head slightly towards your direction. “Hm.” He turned back to face forward. “Well, at least now I have a name to a voice.”  
“Come to think of it, Mr Midoriya…” Mrs Fujita started as she placed her hands on her hips. It was a stern motherly look that she often gave you or the others whenever you were misbehaving. Midoriya could hear the tone of her voice and he instantly knew he was in trouble. “Where is that beautiful guide dog of yours?”
He raised a hand to rub the back of his neck, almost like a scolded child. You giggled quietly at the image of a man more than double your size look embarrassed. “She’s… at home.”
“Mr Midoriya.”
“I just wanted to go out by myself. She was napping and I didn’t want to disturb her. I was doing so well too.” He pointed it out like it was a victory.
Mrs Fujita looked at him with a blunt look. She motioned to you. “Then why is Y/N leading you by the arm?” She asked him.
Midoriya hesitated. “Okay but that wasn’t me, some kid just bumped into me.”
Mrs Fujita looked to you as confirmation. You nodded your head. She dropped her shoulders. “As long as I’m not picking up your ass in aisle three again because you tripped over a can of beans, then that’s fine with me.” She shrugged. She pushed the bag with effort across the counter towards him, handles already up for him to grab. “You know, we can always have these delivered to you Mr Midoriya. It would be easier on you.” She said.
“Yah…” He picked up the bag effortlessly with one hand. “But then I don’t get to hear your voice every week and that would be a shame. Who else would I talk to?” He asked. He motioned with his head that the two of you could start heading towards the exit of the store.
“You have friends, Mr Midoriya.”
Midoriya let out a hum almost affirming but not really listening to what she was saying. You turned him around walking away from the counter. “I won’t be seeing you next week, Mrs Fujita.” He spoke loudly.
“How come?” She asked
“Because I doubt my lack of sight would have changed by then!” He shouted back to her. You stifled a giggle at his satire. He felt the little giggle you were trying to hide and smiled. “She’ll lecture me about my jokes, next week.” He stated.
You let out an audible laugh. “I don’t doubt that.” You safely led him out of the store and out into the afternoon sun. “Did you walk?” You asked him.
He shook his head. “Not today.” He turned to look in the right direction. He temporarily let go of you and pulled out car keys from his hoodie pocket. He pressed a button and a car roared to life close by. “There.” He pointed in the direction of the car.
Your eyes widened as the two of you approached the car. It was rather luxurious to say the least. Not very eye catching but you could tell by the hum of the car and the modal that it wasn’t something you would walk upon everyday, but in great disguise from other flashy cars. “You drove your car here?” You asked speechless.
He laughed. “My car drove me here.” He corrected you. You left him by the passenger seat door.
“Here let me help you.” You tell him placing your hands by the basket handles.
“Alright, but it might be a bit heavy for you.” He warned you.
“I’m sure I’ll be- HOLY SHIT.” The bag nearly hit the ground before you using all your might to hold it.
Midoriya laughed at your shock. “I warned you.” He bent down and tried taking the bag from your hands only to discover you had already started your waddle to the trunk of his car.
You grunted as you tried your best not to fall over. “I’ve… I’ve got it.” You managed to let out strained as you put the bag in his car. “Jeez, this things heavy. What do you have in here? Dumbbells?” You asked.
“Dog food, protein powder, potatoes and wine.” He stated. He perked up. “Oh, and tea.”
You glared at him but managed to put the bag in the back. You closed the trunk and the car made a sound. Midoriya smiled and entered the passenger seat of his car, rolling down the windows. “Start Engine.” He spoke as he put on his seatbelt.
The engine roared to life at his command. You walked over to stand by the window of his car. You watched in fascination as the dashboard which was more like one long screen sprung to life. A small smiley face appeared in the centre. “Afternoon, where would you like to go?” The female AI voice spoke.
“Home please, Glitch.” He stated. Midoriya turned to the side where you stood. He raised a dark eyebrow. “Y/N?”
“Yes.”
“Thanks for the help. I appreciate it.” He bowed his head.
You smiled broadly. “It’s no problem, Mr Midoriya.” You bowed at the waist. “Have a nice day.” You said as you walked away.
He smiled at your kindness. “You too.” Midoriya pressed a button to close his tinted window.
Just then the smiley face turned into a green tick. “Destination set for home.” The AI spoke out. “Will arrive at destination in around five minutes.” A green route displayed on the screen for a moment, as the car started to reverse. Midoriya took off his cap and sunglasses. His eyes closed as he relaxed against the cushioned leather seat. He rolled his shoulders. Instantly the effort of having to go about his day weighed on him like a suffocating hanging cloud of smoke. He was one of the strongest men in the world and yet he felt as though he couldn’t bare the weight of anything anymore.
-Glitch1d
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moonit3 · 21 days
Note
Yandere boss x male reader husband, I imagine Leonard would force you to marry him and his sexual advances would be more aggressive on the honeymoon.
You refuse to sleep with him and Leonard decides to remind you of your nuptial duties.
He drugs you and decides to force himself on you
HONEYMOON OF NIGHTMARES
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⟡ cw: male yandere, heavy themes!, amab! reader, nsfw, noncon, virginity lose (from reader’s), sub! reader, top! yandere, blowjob (brief), a.nal, s3x, reader is not having a good time, mention of suicide but nothing happens, forced marriage, bondage(?), handcuffs, drugs and unrealistic expectations of it (i never used it, so i am relying heavily on what Ive learned by reading/ other people experiences and also inventing how long does it take to get under the effect of if, don’t do drugs), please don’t read this if you are weak and tell me if i am forgetting something.
⟡ word count: 2.6 k
⟡ yandere! boss x amab! reader
⟡ notes: sooooo, I being another attempt of writing mlm context in the blog for my dear amab!/male readers that probably feel excluded of the yandere community. please keep in mind that today’s work has heavy elements that might be hurtful to some people and can not be tolerated in real life! remember that, guys. I don’t want anyone to come here and tell me that I should die, so if you feel uncomfortable with the topics added in the content warning, don’t read this. Beware of my spelling mistake here.
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the old fairytale of of true love never failed to make you smile. it’s magical the old times when grandma would recite stories of her memories about two individuals who despite everything they always ended together, a simple but beautiful tale.
your always dreamed of marrying a prince when growing up and it slightly shocked when grandma heard that for the first time. a man marrying another one? that is new for me, but it is fine. the tailor will sell two suits in one session, so it’s even better for them… now go get me a cigarette before my soup opera starts, kid. her words comforted you when no one knew about your interest in men when you were younger. initially, you believed she would hate you like the rest of the family did when learning about that part of you, but she stayed at your side regardless of what other people said about you. she was your number supporter til her last breath, always saying that you should marry anyone if you truly loved them.
her words were sweet, consistently making you smile when the world was against you. so you can easily imagined grandma would be devastated if she was alive, hearing about your engagement with a man who you don’t love. a man who took everything away from you, the main responsible for taking your freedom away.
it was dreadful that you were coerced into saying yes in front of the people he invited to the wedding, unfamiliar faces as you refused to invite your family (to avoid them seeing you so ridiculously depressed) and forced to place a fake smile on the lips.
leonard made you write wedding vows, which you hadn’t much option than lying about your true feelings towards him.
my love towards him is like a star, burning me inside and always there even though it can’t be seen nor touched.
you hate him, you despise him! the many fantasies you have of killing leonard with your hands are more common than you want to admit. and by marrying him, this dream won’t stop anytime soon.
like a charming prince, he helped me go through many difficult moments in my life and always is around to save me when i am in trouble.
he is the problem. leonard gives you more trouble since you were forced to step down from the company, making you work from the from his own mansion as a way to keep an eye on you.
every time you touch me, i feel butterflies inside my stomach. it’s make me nervous to be able to hug and kiss you as you are real, not an imagination.
you feel nauseous when his hands touched your skin, it’s never fails to make you tremble when leonard just approaches you and spend minutes holding you in his arms. he never took things further, a blessing, but only because he believes it’s wrong to have his way with you prior the honeymoon.
he made the day you always dreamed of a nightmare, one that you won’t wake up anytime soon. the little boy who often daydreamed of marrying a prince who would be your hero, your hero in shining armor never came, instead, leonard stole away from any possibility of you meeting your hero. you are trapped in the deepest part of the dungeon with him being the warden.
after saying yes to the priest, the rest of ceremony was a success for leonard, who couldn’t leave you alone for one second, like someone has glued him to you. it’s irritating that people seen him as a hopeless romantic when holding your hand to cut the cake for the guests, it’s offense when they began thinking you are just shy to show off affection to him when public when you hate his presence in general. when will this party ended? you want nothing more than drown in those expensive drinks to forget about today, perhaps to never wake up and stay forever dreaming that you married the prince not him. but that never happened.
leonard didn’t allow any alcoholic beverages in the wedding nor during the after party and don’t even think there was a single drop of those expensive champagne there, there was nothing to take your mind away from him. you will have to endure him during the first night as a couple, but hey, the luxury room he rent for a week in another country has a great view of the city.
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“i can’t— i don’t think i’m going to—“ a loud moan interrupted yours words, making you feel like an idiot to not be able to hold it back. it’s disgusting that leonard is enjoying touching you even you plead him to stop. “please, please, please stop!”
the tears coming out of your eyes aren’t stopping, not when he keeps stroking your cock without pausing. the sounds coming from your lips are beautiful, perfectly matching the lewd sound that your pretty cock is making after an orgasm. it’s adorable how you fail to move away from his hands, trapped by those tightly handcuffs preventing you from escape the headboard, how humiliating is you for not putting more of a fight.
his left hand going up and down at your member, not moving away his glance away from the tears coming out of your pretty eyes, it remind him of those choker pearl he plans to gift you after this special night. and the crimson coming out of your skin from his bites is a great reminder that he needs to get you that long red coat to match his dark suit, it will make both of you look a perfect couple during the next conference.
he can already imagine the many opportunities to show off to the world as his darling husband. would the media be shocked that he is dating a man? probably not, tabloids already had rumors of him dating someone of his gender during his teenager. however, he can already imagine the public’s reactions when hearing that he turned his employer into his husband.
they would see it as a fairy tale coming true. a rich man who has fallen in love with his own worker, the same who came from a struggling background after being kicked out for his sexuality, only to be saved by him. he will gain more popularity and power over the public, making the two of you prominent figures in the public eyes. but before that happens, he needs to make you submit to him.
he takes his hand away from your leaking cock, already proud of himself for making you come a few times to his touch. beautiful to see that you’ve dirty yourself with your own fluids, it would be perfect to just take a photo and frame it at his home office, but he decided to go to a different approach.
“please, stay still. my love.” his hands prevent you from move away, not having option than feeling his tongue licking your own fluids away from your pelvic area. “you taste delicious, [name].”
his eyes stare at you face, seeing how you are holding back your moans to prevent leonard from hear the sweet melody coming out your lips. you would expect him to be angry at your stupid act of rebellion, probably gaining a slap or two from him to make you stop acting like this, but instead he just smiles.
you watch his hands approach your face, holding it like a you are nothing more than a fragile piece of glass that can easily break at any moment. his thumb fondle your lower lips, opening your mouth to force you swallow dry something you don’t know what, yet by feeling the weird sensation around your throat going down your stomach is probably a pill. and by how your mind began distorting the room, you can guess that he drugged you.
the walls began twisting themselves when your eyes try to focus on the many pieces of art placed on them. your breathing gets more intense than before, taking more seconds to force your lungs to take action to keep yourself calm and your body is getting hotter by every second goes by. it’s a struggle to keep calm when realizing that leonard did it to make you weaker to his touch, preventing you from putting a fight. you wish that your mind would stop thinking of what he is going to do next.
knowing that you won’t try again to escape, he spread your legs apart to make him finally see the view he was dreaming of. and by how it looks, leonard knows that you are complete untouched, meaning that he will be your first one.
he grabs a bottle of lubricant at the nightstand and applies it to your entrance, finding it cute that your already began shaking on it own by the coldness of it. gently, leonard puts one finger inside your tiny gap to let him feel your inner walls. a blood-curdling scream of yours took over the room when his finger started moving in and out, making your body mess around the bed as a futile effort to get away.
“h-hah—!“ you have become more sensitive to the drug. feeling leonard’s finger touching your walls and trying to get as deeper as possible is driving your mind insane. “plea— please…stop!”
of course, your pleadings went unheard. instead of having mercy on you, leonard pressed another finger inside your hole and hold your hips to prevent you from squirm your hips away. he is having fun by seeing the pain on your face, you know that, and feeling his fingers’ speed increases is not something you are going to handle well.
you can’t form any coherent words to speak up, the pain coming from your entrance is the only think you can focus on. it’s too much,you have a feeling that you might die during the next part of tonight’s plan if leonard doesn’t get some senses that your body is going to break down if he continues like this.
another load came out of your cock shortly after, resulting in leonard takes his fingers out of your entrance and to make a small distance between you and him. he stares down at you, admiring what you’ve become because of him, a completely mess with full of tears, greenish bruises all over your skin and fluids on your stomach.
“i think you are ready to take me.” leonard said. “you are probably nervous for me being your first, but don’t worry, i will be gently for this one.”
you couldn’t move your body anymore, not with the drugs finally taking control over your entire body, but your teary eyes can catch the glimpse of leonard’s cock. it’s thick and already hard, ready to penetrate you at any moment from now.
“w-wait…” between sobbing, you managed to form a proper word. “i n-not— don’t want t-this.”
leonard ignored your words once again, this time your heart is beating faster than before, fully aware that after tonight, you will be his forever.
he spreads you wider to see that your hole is filled with the lubricant from before and now it’s a little more relaxed, but are you relaxed? your body who seems to be more than ready to take leonard’s full strength, but the tears and pleading of yours are showing that you aren’t ready for it, yet you know leonard isn’t going to care about your words. at least, not tonight.
positioning himself in the middle of your legs, leonard carefully sank his cock into you deeply. a slow process that made you stay still as you feared that moving would only make things worse.
you tried to hold back from drooling as leonard began thrusting in and out of your entrance. quite humiliating that your body is acting this way, so dumb and unable to hold it back. as much you wish to space out of this situation, pretending that you could be somewhere else with someone that isn’t your husband, your mind can only focus on the man above you.
hands on your waist, with zero chance to remove them away from you as he fears you would simply vanish from existence. eyes on your expression, loving how desperate and precious you look with tears and drool over you face. his cock inside you, not daring to stop rocking his hips into you to hear the moans coming from you.
he continues to move inside you, a little bit more fast and harder than before, as he remembers that you are probably sensitive from coming two times. leonard knows that you are getting closer to a third release and that one would send you to sleep, so he needs to take things extra hard to not let you lose the fun part.
“t-too fast!” your hips are going to be bruised by the harsh thrusts and how strongly leonard is handling you. throwing a leg of your above his shoulder isn’t going to end well, you know that. “l-leo—leonard!”
your cock began twitching and leaking cum again over your stomach, dirtying yourself even more as your pleadings continues to be unheard by him. it’s making you dizzy feeling another orgasm coming up and the drugs make the effect worse for your mind, who is begging for this to endure just a little longer to avoid any more punishment from leonard.
it didn’t took much time for the final climax to arrive. your entire body feels so full after leonard came inside your entrance, too much to handle as some of his fluids ooze out of you, slowly ooze from your entrance.
“you did a good job, [name].” his voice. you mind barely registered that he is speaking, the entire rooms only gets more and more entangled when the handcuffs are finally removed. despite not seeing your wrists, you can feel the bruises around it from being tied up so tightly by him during hours and hours.
he lays next to you, bringing you closer to his body to cuddle you. his large arms wrapping around you, an extra layer of prevention to keep you from escaping and to feel your body’s warmth. leonard would never admit out loud, but he loves seeing you like this, so tiredly that he could do anything with you regardless of your approval. but he wouldn’t do this, at least, not in a special night like this one.
“next time, you will ride me. doesn’t that sound good?” he knows you won’t answer him, not when you are struggling to keep your eyes open, yet he still wants to see for how long you keep fighting your body’s desire to fall asleep, so why not playing with it? “or we could go for another round, you know, to build some extra stamina for future times like this. maybe you could just sleep and i keep going.”
between your quietly sobbing, you manage to voice a ‘no’, trying to keep you from getting hurt again by leonard. he could use your body for his pleasure alone another time, but tonight, you can feel all of your muscles and mind worn out by him.
you don’t want more of him, you want to fall asleep and dream about being saved by a knight in a shining armor who will tell you that everything was just a nightmare, that you are going to be alright in someone’s arms. but you know what to expect when waking up tomorrow in the arms of the monster that owns you.
“sleep well, my love.” he planted a kiss right behind your ear. “tomorrow, we will spend more time together as a newly married couple.”
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@moonit3 . don’t repost it, don’t modify it, don’t plagiarize, translate it without my permission.
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rafeandonlyrafe · 2 months
Text
the same tv
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words: 1.8k
warnings: 18+ only, smut, unprotected sex, p in v sex, parent death, funerals, robbery, redemption/forgiveness, addiction, drinking (wine, not like hard drinking), tickling, cockwarming, they call themselves kids at one point but at no point are reader or rafe under 18, like itll make sense once you read it in context
the first thing you do when you enter your house is kick off your shoes. the next is to stop holding back your tears as they stream down your face. you can't even sob anymore, just silent, steady tears.
you sigh as you look around the entryway. there's been some changes since you moved away, despite only being out of your parents house for a little over a year. they replaced the grand portrait that was of your mom's parents with one of you, now taking the place of honor.
you look away before you get to the rest of the family photos. you've seen enough at the funeral. you walk further in to the house, bare feet against the shiny wood floor.
you pause when you hear something further in. you haven't forgotten how the old house seemed to speak, groaning and settling during strong winds or when too many people were crammed between it's walls.
this sound seems different, but you're also occasionally sniffling, your ears are shot from blasting music in an attempt to distract yourself, so you shrug it off and walk further into the living room.
the sound suddenly makes sense as you see someone stood in your living room, arms holding up your parents flat screen television, awkwardly trying to carry it.
you aren't even mad. you honestly don't care about the tv. or the fact that someone is trying to rob you.
you let out a bitter laugh before you sink to the floor. “of fucking course this happens.” you are glad you still have your purse slung from your shoulder as you pull your wallet out, quite aggressively throwing it at the robber who has now frozen.
“what?” he questions, lowering the tv to the ground and pushing his hood of his head, a dumb move for someone currently committing a crime.
“this has been the worst week of my life and now you're robbing me. just my fucking luck…” you let out a broken sob. “just take whatever you want and leave.”
the only things that matter to you still in the house aren't actually worth anything anyways. the photos of your parents, your dad's cologne that's half empty, the oak tree that your childhood dog is buried next to.
“i thought the people who lived here died.”
you pick your head up, a look of fury overtaking your face.
“they did. they're my fucking parents! and now they're gone and you're fucking robbing me! get the fuck out!” you stand up, pushing at the robbers chest.
he looks familiar, like you should know who he is but can't place him.
“im-shit. im sorry.” he says, allowing you to shove him away and out the door. 
“im really fucking sorry!” he yells again before you slam the door shut.
-- years later --
you park your car in the driveway instead of pulling it all the way into the garage like you know you should, but you need to know if you're correct about the man sitting on your front step.
“you're the kid that tried to rob me.” you say as you walk the sidewalk to the porch.
“yes.” he says, looking ashamed and a whole lot more grown up. “i was an addict and i owed a debt. my dad had just kicked me out of the house and i was on my own for the first time. it was stupid of me, but when i heard the people living here died, i thought it'd be a victimless crime.”
he sighs deeply, like even just thinking back to that time physically hurts. “i didn't even think that someone could have inherited the house. im so, so sorry.” 
he swallows thickly. “my mom died when i was young. my dad- my dad just died recently. he faked his death and i got him back, but he's actually gone this time. you know what you said about the worst week in your life?”
you think back those years. it's mostly a blur, especially the days surrounding your parents car crash and funeral, but you do remember breaking down in front of the robber. you nod gently, waiting to hear the end of his speal.
“i know what you mean now. and im sorry i hurt you. im sorry about your parents dying.” he pulls something out of his pocket, extending his hand.
you look into his open palm, realizing it's a ornate gold necklace.
“no.” you shake your head. “you keep it. you don't need to bribe me to forgive you.”
“i want you to have it.” he says. “it's… it's not a lot, but it's something. something to help make up for what ive done.”
you reach forward, carefully taking the necklace out of his outstretched hand, carefully not to accidentally bump his skin. 
“thank you.” you say, admiring the way the sun gleams off the metal. 
“im rafe, by the way. rafe cameron.”
“y/n.” you respond, undoing the clasp of the necklace.
“here, let me.” he takes it out of your hands, moving quicker than you can think as he steps around you. your hair is already up in a bun, so rafe is able to reach around and easily place the chain around your neck.
“thank you.” the weight of the necklace feels comfortable against your skin, like it's the last finishing touch you need. you are wearing your mother's earrings, your father's bracelet, and now you have the other piece of what made that time in your life so miserable, your robbers necklace.
“i… i guess ill be going now.” rafe says.
you turn and watch him walk away. you recognize so much of your former self in him, the clear grieving he's going through.
“are you sober now?” you call out before he reaches the end of your driveway.
“sober enough.” he shouts back. rafe doubts he'll ever truly be clean, but he can at least manage now, doesn't need the drugs like he used to.
“then come back for dinner tomorrow. we can talk.”
you can see the smile stretch over his features. “ill be there.”
-- three months later --
“shit.” rafe says, head snapping over to you. “this is the same tv.”
you giggle and nod, surprised it took him so long to realize. “i never really watch tv on the actual tv, so no need to replace it.” you shrug, the gold necklace still draped over your neck. you haven't taken it off except to shower and sleep.
“god, thats crazy.” rafe looks over to you. “imagine if we just talked back then.” 
you shake your head. “you just think you want that because we get along now. we were both in bad places.”
“you don't think we would have been hooking up back then?” rafe asks, raising an eyebrow at you, watching the way your thighs press together at the mere mention of hooking up, already feeling the urge to sleep with rafe even after having sex only a couple of hours ago.
“we were two scared kids. if we were hooking up we definitely shouldn't have been.” you giggle, reaching your wine glass out for rafe to refill, which he is glad to pour a more than healthy amount in.
“and now?” rafe looks down at his lap.
“and now we are two slighty less scared slightly older kids.” you giggle again, taking a deep sip before leaning across the couch cushion to press a kiss to rafes cheek, the movie you had put on long forgotten.
“rafe.” you wait until he looks you in the eye. “im here for you.”
“god, what have i done to deserve you?” rafe wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you on top of him as he flops back onto the couch. 
you let out a laugh before it's cut off with his lips. he kisses you heavily, hand against the back of your head, not allowing you to pull away, not that you want to.
you let himself get lost in your kiss. you wish you had someone to support you in the time you needed most, and you're determined to be that person for rafe now.
rafe easily dominates your mouth even though he's underneath you as you quickly work your shorts off, wiggling against him until your bottom half is nude.
you press against rafes crotch, still covered by his sweatpants. you feel his cock straining against the fabric as you rub your pussy against it, wetting the gray material.
“baby, please.” rafe groans. he would pull his cock out himself, but his hands are preoccupied holding you close to him as if his life depends on it.
“oh, now you don't like teasing?” you smile.
“alright, i deserve this.” rafe also manages a chuckle despite his straining erection. “but please. need to feel your pussy ‘round me.”
“alright.” you roll your eyes dramatically. you'll have to get revenge on rafe at a different time for edging you the other night.
you push his pants down his thighs until you're able to reach into his underwear and pull out his cock. you give him a few quick strokes before lining up your entrance and sinking down.
rafe let's out a moan, barely pulling his face away from yours. “you're so wet.”
“it's almost like i like you or something.” you roll your eyes.
rafe laughs before kissing you again, hand moving up to your hair, tangling his fingers between the strands.
you sit on his cock for a moment, adjusting, before beginning to move, up then down, up then down, subtle movements of your hips, not needing anything fast, wanting drawn out, wanting it to last.
the movie is long over by the time rafe finally cums, a hand finally moving down to rub your clit to make sure you get off at the same time as his.
by the time you're both satisfied, you're sweaty and exhausted. you don't even bother to pull off his cock as you rest your head against his chest.
“thank you.” rafe says softly, rubbing his hand over your back. you don't need to ask what for. you know. for being there. you'll always be there.
you look up at him, a small smile on your face. “how are we gonna tell people we met?”
things are quickly getting serious, and while he hasn't breached the subject with you yet, neither of you have been hiding how quickly you're falling.
“what, you think it's a problem that we met when i was robbing you?” rafe says, making you giggle, only intensified by his hand pressing into your side, fingers tickling you as you howl with laughter.
rafe flips you over onto your back so you're underneath him, keeping his cock pushed inside of you.
“maybe we should just tell people we met on tinder.” rafe shrugs.
you roll your eyes. “somehow that's more embarrassing.”
taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @forstarkey @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @drudyslut @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog @outerbankspov @drewstarkeyswifehoe @cutielando @sourkittie @rafeyslove @rafeinterlude @bellbottombaby @deeaardiary @rubixgsworld @wearemadeofstardust0 @leighbronk @starkeysheart @pradabambie @tobesolovelysstuff @alexiskirkland @rafestar @brioffthegrid @juniebugg @magicalyoura @cokepewpsii @mysticallystilinski @luvdella @aerangi @vogueprincess @auryyz @raysmayhem-72 @thestarlithideout @marvelfanfics1recs @rafesgiirl @ditzyzombiesblog @chiaraanatra @tobiaslut @drewsephrry @1aarii1 @edszn @theoraekenslover
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surftrips · 5 months
Text
BAD REPUTATION | LUKE CASTELLAN
HEARTBREAKER — CHAPTER 02
pairing luke castellan x fem!ares!reader
summary y/n is challenged by campers and her growing feelings for luke castellan.
author's note thank you for all the support on this series! i made a masterlist here so you can easily find the parts <3 as always, comment or message me if you'd like to be added to the taglist and lmk your thoughts :)
→ installment of this au read for context
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Luke Castellan found it increasingly harder and harder to hide his feelings for you. He could no longer make eye contact with you without his face turning an embarrassing shade of red. In fact, he could hardly look at your face because somehow his eyes would always end up darting toward your lips, or even lower if you were wearing a certain tank top that day. 
“My eyes are up here, Castellan,” you quipped at him once. 
Quite frankly, it was ruining his own reputation around camp as the best swordsman and a stoic warrior. If word got out that he fell to his knees at the hands of an Ares girl, what would people think of him? 
As stories of your excellent skills got around, so did rumors about you. Everyone was interested to hear whose heart you had broken next, all because of that first fateful incident with a camper named Connor. 
Connor, son of Apollo, thought that he could challenge you to an archery competition. He had bet that if he won, he could take you out on a date. How could you resist the urge to prove him wrong?
A small crowd had gathered to watch the two of you. Some people rooted for Connor, trusting that his combat skills would be stronger because of his father. However, the innate strength and talent from your own godly father allowed you to become familiar with the bow and arrow rather quickly. 
“Careful, or one of your siblings will have to heal you later,” you warned. 
“Oh, I think you’re the one that’s going to end up at my cabin later,” Connor responded snarkily. 
You hated losing. It wasn’t an option for you. You didn’t care that Connor technically had the upper hand here, you were going to beat him regardless. 
The rules were simple: there were four targets. Whoever hit the most points, won. 
Connor went first, hitting an impressive 34 points. 
“Beat that, pretty girl.”
You tried not to cringe at his nickname for you, and confidently walked up to the front. You quickly scanned the crowd, eyes landing on the brunette-haired boy you didn't realize you were looking for. Luke smiled at you, and suddenly everyone else faded away.
Turning back toward the targets, you lined up your bow and arrow and took the first shot. You hit eight points, which was not bad, but you were going to have to do better in order to win.
Trying to hone in on your training, you closed your eyes for the next shot and trusted your instincts. You heard the arrow hitting wood and before you could open your eyes, cheers had erupted from the crowd. Bullseye. 
With 17 points left to beat Connor, you had to hit at least another bullseye. And you did just that. 
Turning to Connor, you said, “Any last words before I take this final shot?” 
“What time am I picking you up tonight?” he said, not losing hope just yet. You had to give it to him and his tireless persistence. 
Your eyes focused in on the last target, until all you could see was the gold center. It kind of looked like the sun, and reminded you of a certain someone. You released the arrow, but at the last second felt your finger flinch.
Shit, you thought. But the crowd had already begun cheering again, and you breathed out a sigh of relief. You had hit eight on the last one, just enough to win. 
“Okay, who’s next?” you declared triumphantly, not missing the disappointed look on Connor's face.
After the competition, Luke walked over to congratulate you on your win. 
“Hey, that was sick!” He placed his hand on your shoulder. 
“Hey, thanks!”
“You’re not beating yourself up over that last one, are you?”
“Wh- how’d you know?” You were silently cursing yourself for not making that last bullseye and blowing Connor completely out of the water. 
“I know you, Y/N. Don’t look so surprised.” 
“Okay, well, what am I thinking right now?”
“Hmmm,” he pretended to be lost in thought. “Dinner?”
“You know me so well.” 
Ever since then, various people at camp had challenged you to their own duels in an effort to ask you out, just for you to beat them time and time again.
You weren’t sure why anyone thought you would be interested in them, when you had not once expressed a want for any sort of romantic entanglements. Because that’s all they were to you, entanglements. Complicated messes that were hard to get out of.
“Okay, I need boy advice,” Annabeth announced.
“No,” you responded. This was the first of many sleepovers you, her, and Clarisse would have together. 
“What do you mean, ‘no’?”
“That’s my advice, do yourself a favor and just don’t.” 
“Okay, what’s the story?” the young girl asked. 
“I dated this guy once. Long story short, all men do is disappoint you. It’s not worth it.” 
“I second that,” Clarisse joined in. 
“Wait- who do you like?” you asked, processing Annabeth’s original question.
“Oh, forget it. I’m not gonna tell you guys now,” she responded.
“No, you have to tell us!” Clarisse insisted. 
When Annabeth didn’t respond, you and Clarisse began throwing pillows at her. 
“Stop! Stop!” she giggled. “Fine, fine. I’ll tell you guys.” 
You and Clarisse waited with baited breath as Annabeth formed his name in her mouth. “Percy.”
Chaos ensued. You’re pretty sure that you squealed loud enough to break glass and Clarisse nearly woke up the cabin on the other side of camp. Luckily for you guys, it was a weekend that many of the campers had gone home for. 
“Why are you guys cheering?” Annabeth asked, confused.
“Because we’re happy for you! Your first crush is so exciting!” Clarisse said.
Annabeth had always been like a younger sister to you and Clarisse, and you couldn’t help but be happy for her, despite your personal feelings about love. 
“Y/N, what do you think?” Annabeth turned to you. 
“I think you don’t even need our advice. Just be yourself, I’m sure he already thinks you’re amazing.” 
The young girl beamed at you. “I thought you were anti-boys.”
“I am, if it were up to me, there would be no boys here.” 
“Not even Luke?” Annabeth asked, feigning innocence.
“Well, is he a boy?” you responded.
“Yeah, but not just any boy….” Clarisse joined in.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” you sat up on your elbows in bed. 
“Y/N, just admit it! He’s different!” Annabeth said.
“No, he’s still just a boy,” you said, trying to convince them, or yourself. 
Annabeth and Clarisse looked at each other knowingly, but dropped the subject before upsetting you further. 
The truth was, the thought of Luke Castellan terrified you. 
At first, you didn’t want to admit it. There was no way Luke Castellan liked you, and there was absolutely no way that you liked him back. Not in any universe, above or on earth. Not after you had made it your whole mission to swear off boys completely. 
Sure, you constantly picked each other as partners in Capture the Flag, sat next to each other over bonfires, and talked to each other everyday, but nothing friends didn’t do. 
You tried to be oblivious to his longing glances at you, the way his face lit up when he saw you, but Annabeth and Clarisse were not shy in pointing out each time he smiled at you like you hung the moon and stars. 
For years, Luke had repressed his emotions for fear of being perceived as weak. But each time you came around, he wondered if love could even be equated to weakness if he had never felt anything stronger. 
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Liked by lukecastellan and 170 others.
tagged annaaabeth and clarisse
ynuser with the girls 🏹💕
view all comments.
annaaabeth love youuu
clarisse so much fun!
lukecastellan ur foul for that last pic
ynuser whose side are you on
percyjackson second pic is me to you when i don't get invited to the sleepover :(
TAGLIST: @ravisinghs-wife @jules-loves-lukecastellan @favreader23 @clydeisalsoellie @yuminako @luxreziaa @eddiesdrummergf @whataprettyshadeofred @grace-928 @girls-and-guts @supercutszns @noodlesketchbook @birdiewriteslit @mitskiswift99 @idontevencare1223 @randomnpc456 @lucycarlisleswife @angelicdanvers @imguce @anitatvd (please lmk if you want to be added or i missed you!)
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delphi-shield · 5 months
Text
OLD FOLKS HOME ↪ age gap hcs
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the people you love & the shit they do that reminds you of the dreaded Gap (tm). characters included: leon kennedy, chris redfield, jill valentine, claire redfield, rebecca chambers no warnings to speak of. remember kids, if you're gonna date people in their 30s and 40s, you're gonna have different cultural contexts and, most likely, different senses of humor.
Leon is eight levels of irony deep. He started doing Old Guy Shit just to mess with you, and now it's all come full circle. 
It turns out he actually likes watching the weather channel. He’s monitoring storms that are miles and miles away from you, pointing out the feeder bands like it’s some kind of sporting event. 
He's genuinely invested in Ice Road Truckers. He asks you to TiVo it for him when he's gone. You do not have TiVo. In fact, you're pretty sure no one still has TiVo. 
Or you were, until Leon once again committed to the bit and got TiVo.
Really, genuinely annoying about old movies, actors, and directors.
”What do you mean you don’t know who Robert Redford is? The Candidate? Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid? C’mon. He was even in an episode of The Twilight Zone. You’ll know him when you see him.”
At least you get movie dates out of it.
Movie dates that he will pepper with trivia about the film, by the way. You don't need the commentary track. He is the commentary.
I'm so, so sorry about this. 🤪 is his favorite emoji. I know. I'm sorry.
Chris cannot fucking hear. To be honest, I think most of them have some degree of hearing loss - but Chris in particular seems to have very subjective hearing loss.
Yes, you were just having a full-fledged conversation. No, he didn’t hear you ask him to take out the trash. He didn’t forget, he just didn’t hear you. Sorry, you were standing on his right - come on, you know that’s his bad side.
Explains basic technology to you because he’s not sure if you know what it is. Then, in the same breath, crams in so many military acronyms he may as well be reciting the alphabet. Does not explain the acronyms.
Like, yeah, Chris. I know what a landline is. Dial-up internet, too. Now, what the fuck is an ORE?
Have you ever gotten ‘ok’ in response to a nude? You’re about to. Completely demoralizing, by the way.
He didn't know you wanted him to compose a poem dedicated to your beauty, okay? He tries to get better, but winds up sending shit like 'wow 👍'
Does the dad thing where he insists he's not interested in watching what's on TV and then stands with his hands on his hips in the middle of the living room, enthralled by the show.
Jill does not understand your music. She will not make an attempt to understand your music. If you see her tapping her foot to the beat, no you do not. She is not interested in expanding her musical horizons.
She only bought you tickets to that concert because she knew you would love it. She only went with you because you’re cute when you’re so into this stuff. She only bought that t-shirt because it would be a good souvenir, and eventually, a good grease rag.
Generalized distrust of social media. Do not show her a tiktok. She will ignore the video and lecture you about data safety. Jill, please. Just watch the fucking cat video.
And then she turns around and opts in to literally everything on the McDonald's app.
If there’s a rewards program, she’s in. Already sold. Didn’t even read the fine print. All that shit she was telling you about how you need to be more careful is right out the window for some free fries.
Anything for the thrill of a good deal. If she had more time on her hands, she would be couponing.
Buys in bulk. No, it doesn't matter if the two of you could not physically eat that much rice. It's cheaper to buy it like this. It's fine. It's good for you.
Gotta stock up on non-perishables, too. You gotta be prepared in case something happens. "Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it."
Claire cannot stop shopping from QVC. She's in the kitchen with David. It Takes Two with Mary and Sandra? Wrong. It actually takes three. Mary, Sandra, and Claire.
Infomercials have got her by the throat. You have so many gadgets and gizmos around your home that are just collecting dust.
Gets wine drunk and goes online shopping. Legitimately does not remember what she’s bought.
Absolutely will not let you open the packages. (“Some of this stuff could be for you, you know.” “Claire, last time it was a 10,000 count package of googly eyes.” “And I used all 10,000. You still haven’t found them all.”)
Uses every piece of technology until it’s about to fall apart. Absolutely not interested in having the latest and greatest. She’s one of those people who insists that as long as her phone can make calls and send texts, she doesn’t need a new one.
Speaking of texts. Somehow, she got it into her head that a read receipt is equivalent to a reply. She doesn't get what the problem is. You know she saw your text. Why does she have to reply?
Genuinely doesn't mean anything malicious by it - but also, if you did that to her, you would never hear the end of it.
Rebecca legitimately has facebook humor. They all have some degree of facebook humor, but she's got it the worst. 
Will blow up your notifications tagging you in shit that is just straight up not funny. I’m talking full on tagging you with “😂😂😂”
Unironically sent you a minion meme once.
It's not that she's disconnected. She teaches undergrads. She knows what’s in, even if it’s only from the periphery. It’s just that she doesn’t care. She has no interest in keeping up with trends just for the sake of it. She’s so used to being the youngest person in the room and having to keep up expectations that she just absolutely does not care anymore. She's glad she's not one of the kids anymore.
If it made her laugh it made her laugh, her enjoyment isn’t shackled by feelings of shame!!
If you have a group chat on any platform with your friends please invite her. She's just happy to be included. She'll make a discord if she has to, and she'll brag about it to her students.
Yeah, she says pupper and doggo. She does. Look at her.
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talaok · 6 months
Text
The perfect bunny
Pairing: Joel Miller x ff!reader
Summary: Christmas with Joel and bunny (for context joel is the boss of a group of criminals in the Boston QZ, and you are his girl)
Warnings: rushed writing, unprotected p in v sex, and a whole lot of fluff
A/n: Happy holidays guys, I love you all so very very much❤️
This is part of a series but it can be read alone. If you wanna read more of Joel and bunny, click here
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He had done everything.
Everything you asked for, he had made come true.
Your house was filled with every Christmas decoration he had found in the whole QZ, garlands, mistletoe, little raindeers and Santa clauses overfilled your shelves, and then right there, in the middle of the living room, was the centerpiece... the tree, filled to the brim with ornaments you had put up together, as a family, because that's what you were, you and him, a family.
He even went as far as finding an old cd with christmas songs, all because you mentioned once how much you missed hearing them.
You'll never know what you did to deserve him, to deserve such unconditional, pure love, but what you didn't know is that he felt exactly the same, that the reason he did everything you asked, always, was because you had saved him in more ways he could have ever explained.
And now, now in a world gone to hell, in a world that in many ways wasn't even a world anymore, where people didn't live, but survived, thanks to him, and thanks to you, you were alive again, and you were celebrating Christmas in a way you thought had become unimaginable.
"this is for you" you grinned, handing him his neatly packaged present.
You were sat under the tree as you had insisted, having ignored his protests about his achy back.
"for me?" he asked, his excitement piercing through his tone.
He hadn't gotten a gift in years if he didn't count you, so of course he was happy.
"yes daddy, all for you" You nodded eagerly
"mhh" he hummed, unwrapping it with care, his lips splitting into one of those huge, almost childish smiles he didn't grant himself often enough.
"20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" he breathed, grasping the book as if it was the most precious treasure on this earth "Where did you even find this?"
You chuckled, leaning closer to him "You're not the only one who people answer to around here Miller"
"'s that right?" he smirked, amused
"damn right" you laughed, leaving a quick peck on his lips "You like it?"
"I love it bunny" he answered in a second, still smiling wholeheartedly "I can't believe you remembered, thank you"
"of course I remembered" you grinned, shaking your head before he brought his lips to yours again to show you just how grateful he was, which according to the way he didn't seem in any way willing to lean away, was a whole lot.
You giggled, breaking the kiss
"I've got you something too, baby"
Your eyes widened, every feature of yours brightening with glee.
"you did?" you smiled "I thought the ones you gave me this morning were my gifts" you murmured giddily.
"Not a chance bunny" he shook his head, stroking your cheek "Making you come is just as much your pleasure as it is mine"
You hummed in contentment, biting your bottom lip as he fished something out of his pajama pants, handing you a tiny wrapped something.
You took it in your hands, looking up at him with joy.
"I know the wrapping's not great," he said, a little self-conscious now that he saw what a gorgeous package you'd made him
"What are you talking about?" you reassured him "It's perfect, daddy"
You held your breath as you opened it, remaining immobilized at the sight before you once the paper was all gone.
It was a necklace. A tiny silver necklace, with the cutest bunny hanging at the bottom.
Your eyes filled with tears as you looked up at him, your hands shaking ever so little.
"Joel" you whispered, at a loss for words "This is... this is beautiful" you breathed "H-how did you even get it?"
"had to make just a few people mad, but that's about it" he shrugged, relishing in the amazement on your face.
"A few people?" you couldn't help but laugh, a small tear fleeing your eye "I-I don't know what to say, baby, this is- this is gorgeous"
"you don't have to say anything" he promised, "c'mon, let's go to the mirror so I can put it on you"
And so, with wobbly legs, you followed him to the mirror a few feet away at the entrance of your home.
He stepped beside you, and you handed him the piece, watching as he put it on you with care, leaving a little kiss on your shoulder when he was done.
And of course, it sat perfectly right between your chest, a little piece of him to carry everywhere you went.
"Joel I love it" you whispered "It's-it's perfect"
He hummed contently, his chin on your shoulder as he looked at your reflection
"A perfect bunny for my perfect bunny"
A smile erupted on your face at his words, and you couldn't help but turn around, towards him, towards the love of your life.
"thank you" you murmured, your hands on each side of his face, "thank you so much"
And then again, you were kissing, kissing as if there was no tomorrow, your lungs burning from how much oxygen you were robbing them of.
"I love you bunny" he breathed, earning another kiss
"I love you too, Joel" you promised, looking into his loving eyes for another moment before deciding on something.
"sit down," you said
"sit down?" he frowned, watching you confusedly
"just do it daddy" you laughed, taking his hand and guiding him to the couch
he did as told, his legs spread open and his eyes trained on you.
You could feel his gaze burn a hole in the back of your head as you walked over to the stereo to turn the volume up, a Christmas song flowing through the room better now.
"whatcha doing bunny?" he asked "You sure as hell better not be planning on handcuffing me again"
You laughed at that, and at the memory of the despair in his eyes that night.
"I'm not, daddy, don't worry" You smiled walking up to him until you were right in front of him,
"no, then what are you doing darlin'?"
"I'm thanking you" you said sweetly, your hips starting to gently move in synch with the sound
"'s that right?" he murmured, his eyes falling to your chest as you started unbuttoning the falnnel oh his covering it "what for?"
"mh" you hummed, smiling as you let the shirt fall to the floor "for everything daddy" you explained, slowly turning around and shimmying your shorts off your legs, making a show of bending down to pick them up just to throw them to your left.
he groaned at the sight, and you couldn't help but giggle, spinning back around.
"goddamn bunny" he purred, taking in every inch of your body as you started playing with the straps of your bra, forcing them to fall off your shoulders painfully slowly.
You looked as he watched every movement of yours like a hawk, and you would have teased him further if it wasn't that you were supposed to be thanking him.
So without any further ado, you undid the clasp of your bra, and let it fall to your feet, a soft "fuck" escaping his throat.
Next came your panties.
Your hips were still moving to the music as your fingers seeped through the waistband, gripping at the edge of them and then slowly pulling down, until they pooled at your feet making Joel's cock feel a moment away from bursting.
You smiled, wordlessly placing a hand on his shoulders to prop yourself up as you straddled his lap, his mouth immediately finding yours.
"thank you daddy" you whispered, kissing his cheek "Thank you for the necklace" Another kiss, now on right below his ear "Thank you for the decorations" now down his neck, your breath tickling his skin "for sitting under the tree even if your back hurts" you couldn't resist the urge to chuckle, your hands now trailing to his pants "thank you for the cd" again, another kiss on his neck, before you freed his cock from his pants, and looked up at him "thank you for everything daddy"
His cock slipped into you with ease, and he groaned loudly as you started moving on top of him, a position he didn't get to feel much (by his own volition), and you moaned into his mouth as you kissed him.
"thank you daddy" you continued, your words messy and breathy as you picked up your pace "for everything you do for me everyday" you said, his cock feeling every bit as good as ever "for- for listening to me" you moaned "and taking care of me" his dick was so deep you could feel it in your belly, hitting your g-spot with each of your movements "and for letting me take care of you" you smiled, as he gripped your waist, savoring the sight before him "t-thank you so much daddy" you breathed, embarrassingly enough slowing down, your thighs on fire.
"you're tired" he murmured with amusement
"no 'm not" You shook your head, trying to pick up your pace and failing miserably
"no?" he asked, smirking like a bastard
"no" you denied again, smiling a little at your obvious lie
"lay down bunny" he tried to persuade you
"no way" you protested "I'm supposed to be treating you daddy, to be thanking you"
"trust me this pussy of yours is enough of a thank you for a million lives"
"daddy..." you pouted, trying to convince him
"what if I just help out a bit, hm?" he asked, watching your eyes brighten
"just a bit" you accepted, and in a moment, he was thrusting up into you, and only a moment later, you were moaning loudly at the feeling, the thought of doing all the work well out the window.
"thank you daddy" you cried, "I love you so much" you promised, your orgasm taking over you
"thank you babygirl" he grunted "for being in my life" he said, his words falling into your gaped mouth "for making everything better"
"for being you" he breathed, watching as you came all over his cock "for being the best thing that ever happened to me, bunny"
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mulletmitsuya · 5 days
Text
Tokyo Revengers Groupchat (final timeline)
Warnings: suggestive, swearing, mentions of grooming (it's not serious), the word "pedophile"
Desc: a discussion about pride month takes a detour
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Kazutora: what does pride month mean?
Kazutora: like is everyone supposed to be gay for the month or?
Mikey: yeah exactly
Mikey: basically we all have to kiss each other
Kazutora: oh
Baji: we can do a circle jerk session to start off pride
Mitsuya: Kazutora, don't ask just google it
Kazutora: what's a circle jerk session
Mitsuya: 😒
Mikey: i don't think it's necessary to go that far, Baji
Smiley: some of us, are in relationships
Baji: why did you say that as if you're the one in a relationship?
Smiley: just defending my guy Draken
Mikey: Ken-chin will you still be at pride even if you have a girlfriend
Draken: i mean, i guess.
Baji: does Emma even know you like boys
Baji: nvm she probably does. she did have to compete with Mikey for your attention so idk maybe it's obvious
Chifuyu: are you guys actually going to the pride parade? it's gonna be on tv i'm pretty sure
Chifuyu: which means people from school would see us
Chifuyu: or work
Mikey: we haven't been in school for years?
Baji: are you scared to be found out Chifuyu
Baji: bcs everyone knew in school
Baji: you made it glaringly obvious
Baji: closet made of glass and whatnot
Chifuyu: does it count as actually being gay if it's one guy tho
Chifuyu: like if i cook one time, am i chef?
Chifuyu: something to think about
Mikey: dude you're in a relationship with him, what are you talking about🤨
Takemitchy: Mikey-kun you're actually pretty famous so a lot of people would recognize you
Mikey: i'm pretty sure people know that i've tasted the rainbow
Mikey: people make edits of me and Ken-chin
Mikey: they're pretty cute
Mikey: people also write fanfiction about me
Mikey: guys do i look like a daddy dom
Mikey: serious question
Mikey: could i pull it off
Draken: what are edits?
Mikey: don't worry about it
Draken: no no, Emma was bugging me about it earlier and i had no idea what she was talking about so just tell me
Baji: search "Doramai edits"
Baji: don't know how Emma's dealing with all that
Mikey: Takemitchy are you and Hina coming
Takemitchy: can allies come?
Baji: "ally"
Baji: that's all you are??
Baji: sure
Takemitchy: ?
Draken: what the fuck is this shit
Draken: how do you report this
Draken: this is all taken out of context
Draken: Mikey you need to release a statement about this. what the fuck
Draken: i have a wife
Kazutora: guys i'm still confused
Izana: can you guys please use your own private little groupchat
Izana: no one, of the 15+ people on this group talk, but you 6
Mikey: are you and Kakucho coming to pride
Izana: stop ignoring what i just said
Mikey: do you and Kakucho explore each others bodies?
Baji: who tops?
Baji: nvm, wrong question. who doms?
Ran: if Kakucho and Izana were to be together romantically it would count as grooming
Ran: just putting that out there
Mikey: so what i'm hearing is that Izana is a PEDOPHILE🤔
Mikey: interesting
Mikey: i'm telling Shin
Izana: oh you're telling Shin? i'm so fucking scared
Izana: kill yourself
Mikey: please don't try me. i WILL do it🙏
Draken: wait are you guys actually together? cause that's an actual problem i'm pretty sure
Draken: wasn't he 14 while you were 18
Ran: i'm sorry Izana, that's my bad, didn't mean to make this a thing
Ran: and in his defense, that was 10 years ago
Rindou: 10 years of grooming
Rindou: sorry, i wanted in on the joke but it just looks bad
Mikey: Izana why aren't you defending yourself
Izana: because Kakucho and i aren't in a romantic relationship? i don't know what the fuck you guys are on about
Hakkai: didn't the Haitani's go look for Emma at her middle school when she was 13 and they were 17 because they heard rumours about Mikey's "hot" younger sister
Ran: we didn't know she was 13 😐
Rindou: she was 12, actually
Baji: why did you double down
Ran: jesus christ
Ran: 12??
Ran: we still didn't know
Chifuyu: literally all pedophiles say that
Mikey: i beg your pardon
Mikey: why were you guys looking for Emma
Rindou: people said she was hot
Rindou: those people were definitely pedophiles, yeah
Rindou: which we aren't, btw
Rindou: we saw her coming out of the sixth grade classes and realized we'd didn't get enough information
Rindou: our bad
Baji: what would Ran be doing with Emma anyway
Baji: aren't you gay
Ran: no?
Baji:
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Mikey: why would you add that question mark Ran
Mikey: why are you acting suprised that people think you're gay when you act like that
Rindou: sorry Ran i can't defend you on this one
Ran: is it cause i'm flamboyant?
Draken: who describes themselves like that man
Ran: Koko's flamboyant
Ran: do you guys accuse him of homosexuality?
Ran: nvm
Chifuyu: i was about to say
Koko: well actually
Koko: i am a bisexual man
Koko: i like men and women
Koko: the man i like is inupi
Koko: we are in a relationship
Inupi: you didn't have to do all of that dude
Inupi: but thanks 👍❤
Koko: i am out and proud
Smiley: i know this is supposed to be sweet but this isn't the place to do this shit😭
Draken: are you guys going to therapy? good on you guys
Ran: didn't you like his sister?
Rindou: she died
Rindou: keeping it in the family i see. i respect it Koko
Ran: that doesn't mean what you think it means
Takemitchy: Rindou why would you say that
Smiley: the Haitani's are weird as fuck
Smiley: can we kick them out
Ran: at least we're not ugly
Rindou: and we aren't even weird
Smikey: i'm fucking adorable, don't play with me
Inupi: Akane isn't dead. what are you talking about
Rindou: the fire
Mikey: what fire😐
Mikey: the fire never happened. i made sure of it
Inupi: what?
Rindou: nvm y'all, i'm tripping
Rindou: i suddenly got a vision of Inupi with a huge scar on his face
Rindou: and his sister being dead
Ran: i told you to stop spending time with Sanzu
Ran: he's schizophrenic
Rindou: schizophrenia isn't contagious🤨?
Rindou: and i don't think he's schizophrenic i think he has autism or some shit
Ran: 2 very different mental illnesses??
Rindou: he has the evil kind
Ran: what?
Rindou: evil autism
Rindou: like he weaponizes it
Ran: that literally doesn't make sense
Rindou: it makes perfect sense, fym
Sanzu: i'm not schizophrenic?
Sanzu: or autistic?
Rindou: sure buddy
Mikey: IT'S AUTISM
Mikey: BAJI, IT'S AUTISM
Baji: what's autism?
Mikey: what's up with Haruchiyo!!
Baji: isn't he just gay?
Ran: why is that your conclusion to everything?
Ran: i'm starting to think you're the gay one
Baji: i've never denied that🤨?
Ran: oh
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