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thewulf · 5 months

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You're A Joy || Remus Lupin

Summary: Request - Okay here is another one that is hella personal. Yesterday I was told that i convince people to not love me(kinda shocking and I’m still alittle confused). But what about Remus and reader being friends but clearly liking each other. But like the reader is constantly jokingly putting her self down and such... Read Rest Here

A/N: Made this a 3 x 1. The three times you don’t give yourself credit and the one-time Remus does something about it. Thank you for the request @loving-and-dreaming !!

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Y/N

Word Count: 3.6k+

The Great Hall

You were sitting down at the end of the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall peacefully before the four boys, whom you really did grow to love over the years, swarmed all around you. Truly, the small smile that formed on your face was one of utter joy. The four of them had made the measly journey as a first year through the six years together an absolute joy. You’d have been lost without your girls, yes. But without the guys? Who knows what pure bliss felt like. What laughing until you had no air left in your lungs felt like. What a shoulder to cry on without an ounce of judgment felt like. You loved them all. But man, were they annoying sometimes.

“Where’s Lily?” James asked before his ass hit the seat bringing a soft smile to you face. A soft shake of your head let him know you didn’t have a clue where she was. You had to hand it to him though, the boy was persistent. Lily would surely give in one of these days. She was teetering on the edge of saying yes to your bemusement. You’d never thought she’d give in to James. But credit to him he finally listened to you after years of advice and slowly Lily was seeing the James you always saw.

“Not a clue Jamsie.” You looked up to him with a wry smile, “Why do you ask?” Playing coy with James was on of your favorite pastimes, truly.

He shrugged looking away, “Just curious I suppose.”

“Right. Just curious.” Nodding your head, you didn’t dare look over to the boy who always watched you with curiosity in his gaze. He was far too fucking handsome. With that light brown hair and those big brown eyes? How everybody wasn’t fawning over Remus was beyond you. Instead, they flocked to his much cooler friend Sirius. You just wish you had the courage to even hold a non-awkward conversation with the boy. Ever since you started crushing on him it’s like you forgot how to hold a normal conversation with the boy. You were able to fake it with the group but got squirrelly when it was just the two of you.

Sirius interrupted your endless stream of thoughts when he spoke up after a comfortable silence between the group, “Thanks for the homework help, Y/N.” Sirius spoke breaking you from the Remus spell that was taking over your bloody mind.

It was your turn to shrug it off, “Don’t mention it. Anybody would’ve helped.” You hummed continuing to look ahead and not any of them. You were never good at receiving compliments. It just didn’t come too terribly natural too you.

“I beg to differ. These idiots all but refused. You saved my ass. A true lifesaver.” He pressed singing your praises instead of dropping. Adding salt onto the wound he shot you a knowing wink.

He had a knowing smirk gracing his all too pretty face. Almost like he knew he caught you doing something, “Ah, yeah. Sure.” You once again tried brushing him off, but he wasn’t having it. Sirius never did what you wanted him to do. It’s like he was put on the earth to make you uncomfortable, to push your boundaries. A needed friend. A friend that helped you blossom.

He leaned forward deciding he wanted to press your buttons today. Afterall, Sirius knew that Remus was already in love with you. Hell, the entirety of Gryffindor and damn near the whole school knew the two of you were an item. The two of you were just clueless to it, for now. Sirius let it simmer for the better part of a year, but he couldn’t really take much more of the longing glances and the hopeless flirting that goes on between the two of you. He had to find a way to get one of you two stubborn heads to admit anything. He was on a one-man mission that everybody supported. Quite literally everybody. McGonagall checked in the other day. Even she too was getting tired of the puppy dog eyes between the pair.

“No, no jokes. What would we do without you Y/N?” He grabbed at your hand, “Everybody thinks its Remmy over there that keeps us together. But I think it’s you.”

You rolled your eyes snatching your hand away from the player boy, “Shut up Sirius.”

“He’s right, you know.” Remus spoke up earning a curious gaze from the other three boys. He was always the man of the fewest words. It was always like pulling teeth to get him to say more than ten words. But with you? You always seemed to be the exception. Words spilled out of his mouth when you were around. His own form of Kryptonite you seemed to be.

“You don’t have to be nice Rem.” You tried reasoning with him feeling your cheeks grow in shades of red.

James snickered, “It’s not being nice if it’s true.”

“Is it so hard to accept that you might just be great, love?” Remus added in a softer tone seeing that you were stuck in your own head.

You let out a sigh a tad overwhelmed by the four sets of eyes peering right at you, “Thanks. I guess. Now, let’s get to Potions. Don’t want to be late, Slughorn will have our heads.” You stood motioning them forward.

Charms

“How in the hell are you so good at this?” James grumbled from the desk beside you. You heard Remus and Sirius laugh from the row behind the two of you.

Setting down your wand you turned to your Charms partner, “You know my mum went to Ilvermorny. They’re legendary at Charms Jamsie. Guess she passed some of that onto me.” You punched your best friend in the shoulder.

He grumbled reading the book once more trying to figure out the silly little charm that only you seemed to be able to pick up on the first try. Even Remus behind you was taking longer than normal to get the charm to actually work as intended.

Naturally, you had to show off a little to James and only irritate the boy further when you moved your journal with ease across the table. It wasn’t that it was a terribly hard charm, it’s that you were doing it without your wand. Your mum had taught you over the last few summers how to hone in the skill. That and working with Flitwick for a few years and you’d become a sort of charms pro. Going to class was simply a novelty at this point.

You knew you were going to do something with the skill. You hadn’t a clue what. You found you weren’t the best teacher so that was quickly out the window. If you couldn’t teach James then you weren’t going to cut it, even you knew that.

Flitwick walked over watching you closely. He knew you were a rare talent in the skill. Few witches or wizards could perform magic without a wand yet here you were doing it as if it was easy.

“Impressive as always Miss Y/L/N.” Flitwick interrupted your thoughts bringing the journal to a screeching halt.

You grinned at him, “Oh, it’s nothing.”

His eyes watched you curiously, “Surely, Mr. Potter here can’t say the same?”

James rolled his eyes grumbling something else, “No, course not. This stuff is impossible and you’re doing it without a wand?” James wanted to throw the book at you. So casually brilliant and without a damn clue. He wasn’t stupid. This stuff was supposed to come easy. It’s why he was in the class, an easy A. Yet here you were breezing past him without a second thought. He knew if he wasn’t helplessly in love with Lily you were close behind.

You shook your head, “Shush Jamsie.”

Flitwick laughed at the nickname, at the dichotomy between the two of you, “Have you thought more about what we spoke about earlier?” Flitwick turned his attention back to you.

Shaking your head quickly you answered him lowly, hoping your friends wouldn’t hear, “No, not really. I need to talk to my mum about it.”

He nodded curtly, “After the holiday’s we’ll discuss it further then?”

“Sure.” You answered quickly hoping and praying they hadn’t heard too much. But they had. All eyes were on you giving you all sorts of looks.

The second you were out of class the questions started from the guys, “What was he on about Y/N?” Sirius asked first not afraid to be a little bold.

“Who?” You decided to play dumb. Maybe they’d drop it.

Remus laughed knowing it would only piss him off more, “Shove off Moony.” Sirius pushed him lightly before turning his attention back to you, “Flitwick you idiot.”

“Idiot? That’s harsh Siri.” Giggling you tried your best to hide the contentment from your face.

Remus smiled, “You’re deflecting love.” Love, he always called you that. None of the other guys seemed to. Shit, you’d started to notice he didn’t call anybody else that. It was that something special between the two of you. That extra something that made you all kinds of nervous.

“Am I now Remmy?” You giggled with a lightness about you trying your best to get their minds off of Flitwick.

“Yes love, now spill.” He pressed knowing you’d fold under his gaze eventually.

You stuck your tongue out at him then the other two, “You’re all a bunch of grumps.”

“Yeah sure, go on then.” James agreed wanting to know. You knew as well as the rest there were hardly any secrets amongst the group.

You sighed knowing they’d never drop it. You’d have to spill, “There’s a position open for a bank as a curse breaker. Flitwick wants me to apply. Says I’ve got the job if I want it. Says he’s way up on the board or something like that.”

James’ jaw dropped while Sirius whistled, “Damn Y/N.”

“You’re going to take it right?” James asked with bug eyes, “Those jobs are as hard to come by as auror’s are.”

You shrugged, “Like I said, need to talk to mum about it.”

“You’re brilliant!” Sirius clapped your back as he always did when he got overexcited.

You chuckled shaking your head, “Hardly.”

James shook his head dramatically, “You freaking make magic with your mind. You’re a freaky freak. Brilliant hardly describes you Y/N.”

“Oh, bugger off.”

“You do that all the time, you know.” Remus hummed after a lull in conversation amongst friends.

“What?” You replied not expecting his answer.

“You never take a compliment. Never. Can’t you just accept that you’re a joy love?” The two boys kept their mouths shut as Remus leaned in, pressing on your tightly constructed walls.

You gave him a look before nodding, “Sure. Now lets go eat. I need to talk to Marlene about that Herbology assignment also.”

He knew you were deflecting. You always did. But sure, was more than nothing. He had to give you that. There was some sort of progress with you.

Hogsmeade

You, Remus, Lily, and Marlene were enjoying a few beverages celebrating your first weekend out in Hogsmeade. James and Sirius were wrapping up quidditch practice leaving the four of you responsible for finding a table that the group could camp out in all day. It truly was your favorite way to spend a Saturday away from Hogwarts.

Marlene grabbed Lily pulling her down in the seat next to her, “You two sit across from us.” She gave you a knowing grin all but forcing the two of you to sit beside the other. Marlene was just as tired as Sirius was with the whole situation between the two of you. Neither of you had the courage to go for it and she was slowly losing it.

“Sure.” You smiled up at him trying your best to play it cool before shooting daggers at your supposed friend. You’d never grow tired of looking at the handsome boy who stood much, much taller than you.

He pulled the chair out for you motioning for you to sit first. Without much thought you sat down thanking him and turning to the other two who were both giving you that look.

“What?” You asked all but clueless to what the hell they were staring at.

Lily giggled before turning to Marlene who was shaking her head, “Nothing. Nothing at all. I’m going to go get us some drinks. Care to help Lily?”

“Absolutely my dear friend.” Lily followed Marlene quickly leaving the two of you to wait out Sirius and James.

“Didn’t give us much of choice then?” You sighed leaning back into the seat. Play it cool. That’s all you had to do. You could do it. It was just Rem. Your Remy guy.

He eased himself back to before turning his head towards you. A soft smile layered on his face as he took you in, “No, she didn’t. Don’t really mind though. Look at that line. They’ll be standing for a while.”

Your eyes followed his in curiosity, he was right. Rosmerta’s was popular. Especially on the day the students were allowed out, “Sucks to be them.” Nodding your head in agreement your eyes found his once more. A game of chicken commenced as you decided not to be the first one to look away. Little did you know Remus was thinking the same.

Fortunately for your awkward ass you were interrupted by the two other marauders, the troublemakers of the group. Remus sighed in annoyance hearing them before seeing them.

Your eyes widened in concern as your saw their torn-up state, “What happened to you two?” You cringed seeing Sirius bleeding from his shoulder and cheek. There was a bruise forming on James’ eye and somebodies blood coating his hand and arm.

“We’re fine. Just quidditch.” Sirius hummed taking a seat next to you while James sat next to Remus knowing where Lily was sitting based on the purse occupying the seat.

“Yeah Y/N. Completely fine.” James nodded in agreement.

Rolling your eyes you grabbed your wand, “I’d argue that any day. You’re never completely fine Jamsie.”

“Me too.” Remus added while snickering at your quick remark towards your longtime friend.

“Me three.” Sirius agreed throwing a wicked grin at James.

He groaned in annoyance, “You’re all bastards.”

“But you love us.” You added.

“Sometimes.” He nodded in agreement.

You turned towards Sirius looking over his injuries, “Here,” You grabbed at his face, “Look at me Siri.”

“I’m not dying Y/N.” He rolled his eyes trying his best to come off annoyed. But even he couldn’t deny he loved the care you so often showed towards him. He wasn’t used to somebody so nurturing. Often his cuts, bumps and bruises went unnoticed by his mother or father. But you picked up on everything. On each one of them. It’s how you found out Remus was a werewolf faster than any of them could expect. It was driving you mad in your third year, why was he always so cut up around the moon? Why was he always gone? Why were the rest of them secretly missing during those days too?

Your persistence paid off as James spilled the secret of them being animagi to help Remus during his transformations. Remus wasn’t mad, no. He rarely got mad. He was embarrassed. But as always your love showed him how much you didn’t care about his condition. That was the moment he knew he liked you, quite a bit. You were clueless for a while longer. Until Slughorn’s Amortentia positions class in sixth year. You all but blurted out that your cauldron smelled exactly as his cologne instead you made some bullshit up.

“No, but you’re bleeding. Don’t want that pretty face to scar now do we Siri?” Clicking your tongue, you dropped his face to grab the wand sitting at the table.

“You’re right, we wouldn’t want that darling.” He nodded closing his eyes letting you do your work.

You whispered a soft, “Secare Amendo.” Waving your wand at his cuts and bruises. It never ceased to amaze you how cut up the boys got after a practice. It was no wonder they went straight to Pomfrey after an actual match.

“There, as good as new pretty boy.” You patted his head before leaning back in your seat once more.

He grinned, “That’s why you’re my favorite.”

“I’m ignoring that.” James glared at Sirius before eyeing you, “What about me Y/N?”

“What about you Jamsie?” You asked knowing how to drive him up a wall.

Scrunching his nose he answered, “Will you please heal me too?”

You nodded leaning over Remus before doing the same, “All you had to do was ask Jamsie.” Which earned a laugh from the entire group.

“Beauty, brains and your funny. A triple threat.” Sirius spoke first.

Shaking your head quickly you forgot about Remus’s reminder to you earlier, “You flatter me Sirius Black.”

He shrugged your comment off, “Would you just take the compliment, for once?” Sirius challenged you. As he always did. Your biggest advocate. Your biggest headache.

“Thank you Sirius.” You replied to him knowing it was just easier.

“Now, was that so hard?” Remus added. All three of you gave him a shocked expression for being so… brazen about it.

You wanted to look away but something in his eyes told you not to, “I suppose not.”

He nodded not super satisfied with the way the conversation was unfolding, “I wish you’d see we see in you. What I see in you.” He added with a whisper.

Sirius nodded at James, “We’re going to help the girls with the drinks.”

“Oh, you don’t need to.” You attempted to stand before Remus grabbed at your hand.

“Let them, I want to talk to you.”

Your heart rate involuntarily kicked it up a notch, “You do?”

“I do, be honest with me, alright?” He didn’t drop your hand but gave it a squeeze instead. He waited for some sort of acknowledgement. After giving him a head nod you waited for him to continue, “Why? Why don’t you…” He trailed off not finding the right words.

“Why don’t I what?” You had a thought of where he was going but needed him to confirm it.

Remus sighed knowing the words might hurt you, “Why don’t you love yourself? Like we do. I said it before and I’ll say it again, you’re a joy. An absolute joy love.” He rambled knowing what he said probably hurt. But he needed to dig. To break down your iron walls you’d had up for so long.

It did hurt. But was he wrong? Did you even like yourself? Nothing went wrong in your childhood. You had loving parents and the normal thing plus being magical might’ve put a little strain on your muggle father, but it was never anything he couldn’t handle. He knew what he was getting into when he married your crazy American mum. You were truly a rare bread. A dirty half breed from an American commoner or so Sirius’s lovely mother had called you to your face in fourth year. If she had the gall to say that you could only imagine what she said behind closed doors. No wonder Sirius needed to get away. Thank God for James and his parents. It was a marvel Sirius turned out as kind as he was after being raised by the Black’s.

You looked away from him, “I don’t know Rem.”

He mimicked your actions from earlier grabbing at your face and gently pointing it towards him, “Look at me.” Which, of course, sent your heart into a tailspin, “Would you try, for me?”

“Try?”

“Being kinder to yourself. It hurts me when your like that to yourself. It hurts when the person you love and adore can’t see what I see.” He was speaking fast, nervous as could be.

“Love and adore?”

“Yes.” He spoke quickly, it was out there now.

“Me?”

“Yes.” He dropped your face in favor of your hands. Giving them a squeeze, “Sirius was right. Incredibly beautiful. Smartest witch in our class. Funniest person I know. A triple threat. It’s amazing somebody hasn’t grabbed your attention. You’re incredible. A wonderful human. An utter joy. My love.” He added.

Your heart was hammering in your chest. Damn. It’s not what you expected but you couldn’t say you were upset. No, this felt like a dream.

“Are you sure?” You added once more.

He groaned, “Y/N. We just talked about this. Yes. You love. You’re exceptional. Try to see what I see. Please?”

You nodded finally processing his words, “I like you too, quite a bit.”

He laughed softly giving your hands a gentle squeeze, “Well that’s good. Considering what I just told you.” He smiled, “But, I need you to answer my question. Will you try? Please Y/N.”

“Of course, I’ll try. Just, be patient with me?”

He nodded back at you pulling you closer on the bench seat, “Yes love. Always.”

“Can’t believe you actually like me.” You echoed back at him still not believing it fully. Had he made it obvious? Put it out there and you were clueless?

“Thought I made it obvious love. Can I ask you one more thing?” He searched your eyes.

“Yeah, anything.”

He smiled adoring the trust you seemingly had in him, “Would you go on a date with me? A proper date to Hogsmeade. Without the guys. And the girls. Just you and me?”

“I’d love to.” You’d answered all too excitedly.

He let of a sigh of utter relief, “That’s a relief. How’s next Saturday sound?”

“Sounds like a date.” You grinned feeling the usual nerves suddenly vanish. It felt like old times between the two of you. Two kids getting to know each other. Willing to explore more. Understand each other further and deeper. God, you couldn’t wait.

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thewulf · 3 months

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You Can Let It Go || Sirius Black

Summary: Request - So I kinda have a personal request. It’s loosely based off Matilda by harry styles. Basically the reader didn’t have a BAD childhood, just not normal. Like for example (of course she thinks its all normal as that is what they grew up with) ... Read Rest Here

A/N: Thank you so much for the request @loving-and-dreaming! I really hope you like it. This was tough to write initially but super fluffy and loving at the end. A good old hurt/comfort!

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Word Count: 4.5k +

TW: Talks of abuse, abusive parents, crying

“What about you?” Lily’s soft voice broke you out of the dream world you’d been in for the last few moments. They were talking about their childhood’s and all the fun things they did. Lily and her family always went down to the French seashore every summer for holiday. Remus and his brother would always go to camps around London while their parents worked away. James got to go to America almost every year to hang out with his uncle who was working at MACUSA. Even Sirius got to travel the world on his fathers dime. You didn’t really have anything. Your parents didn’t do things like that for you and your older sister.

“Hmm?” You hummed, not exactly sure what the group was talking about anymore as you thought about your past. As you looked up you locked eyes with the boy you’d had a crush on for years, Sirius, who was watching you with curiosity dancing in his iris’s. All eyes were on you.

She smiled, “What was your favorite snack from childhood? I think we’re the only two here who grew up with muggle parents.” Playfully, she bumped your shoulder with hers, “Can you believe they’ve never had a proper biscuit from Tesco before?” She smirked looking at all the confused faces around her.

You nodded your head lightly, “I never really got any of those growing up. Dad always said they were for special occasions only.” Speaking nonchalantly, you found Lily giving you a somewhat confused look. Her eyebrows stitched together as she tried to gauge the comment for what it was, were you being serious?

“Biscuits?” She was a little perplexed. She’d always had them on hand. All her friends always seemed too also. It was fairly common to have them always stocked up in a British household. You never knew when you’d want a biscuit with your tea.

Humming and nodding your head you didn’t see the guys watching the interaction unfold with curiosity in their own faces. You’d made some off putting comments about your childhood to your friends in the past. Comments you never really thought twice about. Sirius started picking up on your not so normal childhood after fifth year when you came back to school looking a little paler, a little skinner and much more exhausted than he was used to seeing from you. He tried to pry, to figure out if you were okay but you just shrugged him off time and time again. You were okay. It was just home. You didn’t get to eat at home like you did at Hogwarts, but you never thought anything of it. Hogwarts was the exception. What family could put out feasts on a daily basis like the kitchens did here?

“Mum never really bought us snacks. When she did dad always locked them away, anyway.” You laughed softly not realizing how weird that statement was. You thought it was normal to have almost all of your cabinets under lock and key. It’s not like your parents ever let you spend the night outside of the house to actually see how other Brit’s lived. No, sleepovers weren’t allowed. Mum always told you it was for your safety but you were starting to think she was lying a bit to you.

“Locked them away?” James’ normally happy face quickly turned down into a frown as he processed what you actually said. See, Sirius had come to him last year more than concerned over how you came back to school. James then started picking up on the weird things you said. How you never went on holiday, how your first time out of London was to go to Hogwarts, how you never had a damn sweet even when you got good grades.

An uncomfortable smile brushed across your expression as you ignored the looks of distress on their face as you continued, “Yeah. Dad always complained that me and my sister went through them too quick. We cost them too much money. So, we’d have to earn them.”

Lily shook her head in disbelief, “You had to earn food?”

“Only snacks!” You countered quickly after finally picking up on the tension the conversation was bringing, “We just had to do our chores for the week and then dad would let us pick out a pack of whatever we wanted.” It didn’t sound that good out loud you realized after you said it. None of this sounded quite right now that you said it out loud.

“Love,” Remus spoke up, “You know that’s not okay right?”

You shrugged, “It got us to do our chores, no?” It was a justification, and you knew it. Maybe it was a little weird to hold food privileges over your head like that. But what did you know? They were your parents after all. Who were you to question them. It wasn’t like they hit you or anything. More so just seemed perpetually irritated with both you and your muggle sister.

This time Sirius spoke up, “And if you didn’t do your chores?” He didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. He was trying to get you to understand how not normal your childhood seemed to be. How maybe just maybe your parents weren’t looking out for you as they should’ve been. He was more than concerned. And now that he’s finally broken free from his own Godforsaken family maybe he could help you with yours.

See, Sirius Black really liked you. Really, really liked you. But you’d never be able to figure that out as he hid his feelings for you under a tight lock and key. James, Remus, and Peter didn’t even seem to have a clue. Not that they should’ve known, he hid it well. Hid it for your sake. He’d decided long ago that your heart was better suited for somebody not as fucked up as him. He didn’t think he could give you what you deserved. He was broken and had far too much baggage for you.

Instead of trying to pursue you he went the opposite route. He decided to pursue every other girl he found remotely attractive at Hogwarts. A distraction from you. And boy was it quite the distraction.

Biting your lip, you didn’t know if you wanted to admit what did happen if you skipped your daily chores. It only happened once. You missed the car home from school once and had to walk, never dreaming of calling your mum or dad. You completely spaced on cleaning the toilet and your mum wasn’t very pleased once she got home.

Sighing you decided to just tell them. The look in Sirius’ face let you know he was not going to let it go, “It only happened once…” You trailed off feeling a little embarrassed to admit that your mum really did hold food back as a punishment. It just dawned on you how messed up that was. She literally didn’t feed you because you didn’t scrub a toilet on time… damn, that was messed up.

Sirius eyebrows rose as he waited for you to continue. When you didn’t he chose his next words carefully, “What happened love?”

An attempt to laugh it off came out, “Well, mum always said I could stand to lose a few kilo’s…” You looked away quickly from him and down to your hands in your lap. Embarrassment of what you just admitted washing over you rapidly. It’s almost as if you could feel the anxiety rising in your chest as you reminded yourself to breathe in and out.

Lily gave your arm a squeeze, “She literally didn’t feed you?” Nothing but concern was in her eyes as she bore them right into your own.

“It only happened once.” You repeated more to yourself than to them. Because the more you thought about it the more you realized just how fucked your entire childhood was.

Being so wrapped up in your own mind you didn’t hear Sirius get up from the table. A gentle hand on your back made you jump. Turning your head up to him he gave you a soft smile, “Take a walk with me?” He held his hand out for you to take. You didn’t really want to take a walk with him. You wanted to run back to your dorm and bury yourself underneath the covers for the next week in shame. Hide away from your problems.

In your hesitation he softened his expression knowing exactly why you were acting this way. He too was in utter denial at just how messed up his home situation was until James sat him down. He knew it was embarrassing and completely out of your control. He knew you didn’t want five sets of eyes watching you as you finally learned and processed just how neglectful your parents were. It was hard. Impossible even. Something he wished he could take from you.

“If you want to, love.” He continued holding his hand out to you.

Giving him a quick nod, you placed your hand in his gingerly, “Yeah, of course.” You got up from the bench with the help of Sirius. Not daring to turn back around at your friends you followed behind Sirius as he walked out of the Great Hall holding his hand tightly over yours. You missed the saddened looks from your friends as you disappeared behind the doors.

He only dropped your hand when you started to pull away from him, “Are you alright?” Sirius asked quietly making sure the students passing by couldn’t hear in on the conversation between the two of you.

You nodded your head quickly, “I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” It might’ve been a little bit of a white lie, but you didn’t want him worrying about you. No, Sirius had a million other problems, and you didn’t want to add to his own stresses.

A sad look crossed his own features now. Slowing down he pulled you to sit down on the bench just inside the courtyard, “Love, you can talk to me. You know that right? I… I’ve gone through the same bloody abusive things you have. I didn’t… couldn’t admit that it was happening to me. It wasn’t until Prongs forced a hand last year and it finally clicked. I had to get out of there. I… we’re worried about you. You came back to school not looking like your usual happy self two years in a row. I… we just need to know if you’re alright.”

Your eyebrows creased together listening to him, “Abusive?” The word came out as a whisper. Were your parents abusive? They didn’t hit you. They never struck you or your sister. But abuse didn’t just come in the form of physical punishment. Were they mentally abusive to you? Could you really have gone your whole life so clueless to their antics?

He nodded with that same grim look on his face, “You told me a few days ago how your dad was always medicated and slept his life away. When he wasn’t high he was yelling at you and your sister… you have to know that’s not okay darling. That’s not a normal functioning thing a loving parent would do.”

Letting out the breath you were holding your eyes slowly found his. Of course, you knew Sirius would never judge you, but that little tinge of embarrassment was making your heart race, “Oh… wow.” Was all that came to your mind. Because wow. You thought you had a decent childhood. Really, it never seemed that awful. There were always things you wanted. And you got all the love you needed from your sister. But damn this was a lot for you to comprehend all at once.

Sirius let you sit there and think before gently giving your hand a squeeze. He just wanted you to know he was there for you. He’d always be there for you. It broke his heart that somebody could want to hurt you. You of all people. So, kind. So gracious. The patience of a saint. Smartest girl he’d ever met. And yet you were so humble about it all. You were the whole package. Everything Sirius wanted and everything he knew he couldn’t have.

“Is your sister okay?” He asked as he ran a comforting hand up and down your arm.

Your stomach twisted in knots as you thought about just how much she went through when you weren’t there. How much did she hide? She’s the one that basically forced you out of the house as soon as you got the letter from Hogwarts all those years ago. A horrifying realization set in. She forced you out to help you. To get you away from the people you thought loved you. She sacrificed her own wellbeing so you could go off and be away for ten months of the year. She was looking out for you. She was always protecting you.

“She’s at uni now.” Your voice was shaky as you spoke to him. Naturally, your older sister would do that. She’d do anything to protect you, “Has a flat with some friends. She… should be okay.”

“Good.” A quick nod came from the beautiful raven haired boy sitting next to you.

“Yeah,” Looking back down at your hands you continued, “I think I need to write her a letter.”

It felt shameful to finally understand what you’d went through as a child. Had you really been that clueless? Had your sister protected you from the worst of it? The twisting and turning inside your body only made you feel worse. Insignificant. Dumb.

“She’d probably like that.” He agreed with you. He didn’t want to push you to talk but his heart was slowly crumbling into a million pieces seeing you so despondent and confused. He wanted nothing more than to wrap you up in his arms and tell you how truly beautiful he found you. He wanted to be the one to build you up like James had done for him the previous summer. He wanted you to be free. Be the woman he knew you could be.

Humming in agreement it felt like your head was about to explode. What were you supposed to say to him? Why couldn’t you even look at him? Did your parents really hate you that much? Why didn’t you notice this at the time?

Sirius watched as he saw the turmoil flash across your expression. You were thinking hard about this, too hard. See, Sirius knew you well. Better than you might’ve known yourself. From the moment he knew he liked you he decided he’d watch after you. He knew your tells. Your anxieties. The things that kept you up at night. He’d made himself your very best friend. Little did he know he’d made you fall in love with him at the same time. Just like you, he hadn’t a clue of how you felt for him.

“Darling, you know you don’t have to go back there right?” He whispered while brushing stray hair away from your face. A shiver ripped down your spine at the gentlest touch from the most handsome boy you knew. It felt intimate the way he was both touching and looking at you.

Your eyes went wide at the comment. Could you really not go back there? They were only muggles. It’s not like they could find you if you just… disappeared. And if Sirius could get away from his powerful family in the wizarding world, why couldn’t you sneak away from them?

“Siri… they’re my parents…” A groan of frustration finally bubbled to the surface as you really thought about it. They were your parents yes, but did they love you? Did they want the best for you? Did they even want you home? Was that why it was so easy to convince them to let you go to Hogwarts? You wouldn’t be their responsibility anymore?

“I can’t just… I can’t…” Not being able to find the words you desperately wanted to say left you giving your own head a squeeze in frustration. Why was this so difficult?

He took your hands that covering your face in his own and pulled them away gently. He didn’t want you hurting yourself as your life just got rocked upside down. He knew it’d take time for you to fully come to terms with what the hell was going on.

“You can. You can let it go. You can let them go.” He answered you softy. His eyes scanned the surrounding area to make sure nobody was close before continuing, “You have us. Lily. Me. We’d do anything for you love. You know the Potter’s have a room for you already. Mia and Fleamont love you!”

You shook your head rapidly, “I can’t do that Siri! I’ll be nothing but a burden.” Hot tears welled up in the corner of your eyes. Trying to blink them back only let them fall down your face instead, “I can’t be a burden Sirius.” Your voice wobbled as you tried to calm down, take a breath. But even you knew that wasn’t going to happen.

Not having any of it he quickly wiped your tears away before taking your chin in his hands, “Please stop saying you can’t. You can. I know you can. You don’t deserve whatever they’re doing to you darling. You deserve the world and so much more.”

The look he was giving you only made more tears fall. Trying your hardest to keep them in you finally just gave up. You were going to cry like a little baby in front of him. The walls you put up were crumbling down with a simple touch and his look.

He wrapped you in his arms and pulled you into his chest. Pulling the Gryffindor robe around your head to shield you from any looks that’d be coming your way. He didn’t want anybody to see you hurt and broken. He wanted to protect you. To make you feel whole again.

He let you cry it out over the better part of five minutes not giving a damn that your tears were soaking through his clothing. He only pulled you tighter and closer after each small sob wracked your fragile body. He ran a comforting hand up and down your back as you clinked to him.

He whispered, “It’s okay love. We’ll figure it out. We always do.” Over and over again trying to reassure you but damn was it hard seeing the girl he loved so upset.

After he felt the sobs wind down and the tears dry up he knew he had to get you back to that dorm to clean you up. Help you feel refreshed and somewhat like a human once more.

Gently, he pulled you away from his chest. And if his heart wasn’t already shattered it surly was now by the look on your face. Layers of distrust and hurt clouded your eyes as you finally really processed how messed up your life outside of Hogwarts really was.

“Come on love. Let’s get you back to the common room, yeah?” He whispered into your ear trying his best not to startle you.

“Alright.” You wiped the stray tears that kept falling away.

He didn’t give you much of a choice after that and for that you were immensely grateful. He took control of the situation, something you needed more than you knew. Pulling you into his side he took his house robe off, draping it over you instead so none of the other students could see your face that had been so clearly crying. He had to protect you from the terrible gossips from Hufflepuff that wouldn’t shut up about it for weeks. The last thing you needed was for some asshole Slytherin to make a joke in class at your expense. He knew how the students here operated.

He mumbled the password to the Fat Lady making sure you were covered entirely. She too was a terrible gossip. He pulled you right into the men’s shared restrooms not giving a shit if another boy was in there, he’d shoo them out and lock the door behind them. Perks of everybody being afraid of the Marauders for their pranks. Fortunately for the both of you nobody was there.

Sirius motioned for you to sit down at the bench near the faucets. Before you knew what he was up to he came back over with a wet rag and a sad expression still adorned, “I’m going to wipe down your cheeks if that’s okay with you love?”

“Please?” It came out as more of whisper as you didn’t trust your voice not to waver at the moment. You didn’t trust that you weren’t going to break down into another fresh set of tears at the way he was so delicately caring for you. You always knew he was the sweetest boy, but you didn’t know quite how far his kindness extended. He was going above and beyond, and it wasn’t lost on you. It only made your heart beat a little bit fast as he delicately wiped down your salt stained cheeks with a lukewarm rag. He was treating you as if you were the finest dish of China that would crack under any sort of pressure.

“You deserve so much more darling.” He spoke as he continued cleaning up mess you’d made on your face.

You didn’t want to argue but you didn’t exactly feel the same way. Why did you deserve more? Why was he saying these things?

“I don’t think so Siri. I think I got dealt the cards I deserve.” You couldn’t look at him. Your eyes were turned down to look at your feet.

He wanted to curse your parents. He wanted to curse himself. He didn’t understand how somebody like you could think so lowly of themselves. How couldn’t you see how amazing you really were?

He let out a strangled sigh in frustration at himself for not building you up. He’d been too damn caught up distracting himself from you that he didn’t do the one thing he swore he would, protect you.

“Love, look at me.” He stayed squatting so your face was at his level. He put the rag down on the bench next to you, “Please?”

And who were you to deny such a gentle request from him. You bit your cheek as your eyes locked with his once more.

“I’m not lying or kidding or joking around when I say that you deserve so much more.” He cupped your face in his hands. Taking a deep breath, he knew this was the moment when all those feelings were about to spill out. He’d hidden them for his sake, but you needed to hear them now, “You are the kindest, sweetest, most patient woman I know. I want to spend time with you love. I get excited when I get to sit next to you in class. I look forward to every breakfast, lunch, and dinner because I get to sit next to you. You make my days so much brighter. It’s you, love. You helped piece me back together without even knowing it. It’s you that I want to spend the most time with. You’ve made me the best person that I could be. You.” He spoke slowly making sure that you heard every single word.

Your heart was racing beyond measure at his impassioned speech, “Siri…”

He shook his head placing a soft finger over your mouth, “You are one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I’d be a fool not to tell you how much I adore you. How much I love you…” He paused seeing your eyes go wide. He threw it out there, the L word. But fuck it. He knew he loved you. You needed to know just how much, “I love you darling. With my whole heart. I love you and I’m in love with you. So deeply.”

More tears fell at that. So many more fell. He didn’t pressure you to say a word as he cleaned wiped them away the more they fell. He’d sit here for hours if that’s what you needed. He’d come to realize he’d do anything for you. He loved you. He was madly in love with you.

Between the tears and the cries, you managed to confess the same, “I love you too. So much Siri.”

You launched yourself into his arms knocking him over leaving the two of you on the restroom floor. Thank heavens they get cleaned more often than not. Your saddened tears turned to ones of happiness as the feeling of dread was being overtaken by that of love. His love had done this for you. He had done it for you. He really did love you.

Wrapping you in his arms he stood with ease while also holding onto you. He didn’t want you lying on the men’s restroom floor. No matter how elated he was that you’d just confessed that you loved him right on back.

Once your feet were back on solid ground he wasted no time in holding your face in his hands, “I’m going to kiss you now.”

Smiling for the first time that day all your brain could think was, “Yes, please.”

That was all he needed to hear before he met his lips with yours. He delicately wrapped a hand around the nape of your neck to support you. He smiled into the kiss feeling how needy you already seemed to be.

You ran your hands all along his chest as you deepened the kiss showing him just how badly you wanted him. Needed him at the moment. Your hands ran through his locks of hair eliciting the hottest moan you’d ever heard. Smiling yourself, you knew you’d be doing that often in the future.

He snaked his other hand around your waist pulling you flush with his own body. Opening your mouth, you let out a soft whimper of pleasure feeling him so tightly pressed against you. Without breaking the kiss, he pushed you on the wall. Not giving you a single millimeter of space between the two of your bodies.

Your head swam with nothing but raunchy thoughts of him. Oh, how your mind was on cloud nine. It was only when he needed a breath he pulled away. Still his face was only mere centimeters from yours as the two of you panted for the sweet oxygen you’d deprived yourselves of.

“That was…” You spoke after a moment of simply staring into his beautiful pupil blown brown eyes. Your eyes scanned his face spotting the light blush on his cheeks, the freckles that seemed to be more prominent under the flush. He was so beautiful. More handsome than anybody you knew or had ever seen. And he was yours. He loved you and you loved him.

“Bloody hell, love.” He smiled before wrapping you up in yet another mind shattering kiss. Surely, you could get used to this, “You are everything and more. I love you darling.” He whispered before picking you right back up in his arms. All you could do was squeal and giggle with delight letting him take you to wherever he wanted.

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