#and then he goes and cries (a lot) but then comes back and has fuel for his evil side | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pandorasfavorite · 7 months

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Hey ! , can you make dom x reader and they fought into a argument which led the reader leave the apartment for a couple of days and stayed with rhea and dom missing the reader and begging for the reader to come back and find n damian telling dominik to do something for the reader and the reader forgives him and goes to back to him 😊

The shutting door

AN: siempre jodidamente regañándome = always fucking nagging. A little out of character maybe but omg I wrote a lot.

Arguing with him is crushing. Like your heart is being squeezed and squeezed to the point where it will crumble and shatter under pressure. That's how intense it feels to argue with someone you rarely fight with. It feels like it's not actual reality, it's all a figment of your imagination. Nothing has ever been this bad before, where you feel so distraught and strung out.

The day was normal. Wake up, enjoy the morning with him, go to work with Dominik, then come back home to shower and lay with each other. A domestic couple living a domestic life. Of course, every relationship has its problems, whether that has to do with the past or what's to come. Dominik's past really does bite at him, the days when he has to come face to face with his father are the worst.

Maybe it was the sensitivity in your heart that made you disprove Dominik's behavior sometimes. No matter how bad his relationship with his father is does he have to go that far? Does he have to rip up his father's things and beg him to hit his child? You felt it was so far-fetched, almost like Dominik is punishing himself more than his father. Because as soon as the encounter is over Dominik is in a horrible mood, cranky, irritable, and most of all cut off from reality.

Your tears sting your eyes and they pool along your tear line, watching him yell at his father. Real yells, real hurt that his father was never there for him. Dominik didn't deserve that and he doesn't deserve this. You stand beside the announcer's table, a hand over your mouth as you try not to cry. Dominik smacks his father across the face and you can't help but wince. Dominik is just fueled by anger; this isn't the man you vowed to, do you have him all wrong?

Rhea is there too watching Dominik with a smile, encouraging his rage and his anger towards his dad. She stands beside you, putting an arm around you, laughing at the interaction. You furrow your brows angrily, shrugging her arm off of you. You cross your arms in front of you as a reflex, just wanting to protect yourself... and your emotions for as long as you can bare.

When it's all over you walk to the car with Dominik, sliding into the passenger seat with no words exchanged. The only noise is the click of your seat belt and Dominik shifting the gears with a jerk. The air around you feels so tense and suffocating, like if you talked the atmosphere would just thicken with anger. Dominik's face has a permanent frown that stayed there since the beginning of the match. You slide your hand onto his arm, looking at him with the softest eyes, trying to get his attention.

Dominik shrugs your hand off, looking to the side while driving, running a frustrated hand through his hair. He feels as if this life is the worst when his father is involved, he's torturing himself. You slide your hand back into your own space, and your bottom lip wobbles as the tears burn more. It stings painfully at your eyes and you turn your head to look at the window, hoping and praying that maybe the distraction was enough to stop your small cries. But alas it isn't, you sniffle quietly and hold a hand over your mouth, squeezing your eyes shut as two tears run down your rosy cheeks.

Dominik looks over at you because of the sounds, he does a fast double-take, peering forward to see what's happening. He bites his lip just frustrated with everything. He's disappointed that he made you cry. He's so fucking angry at the world. As he's struggling internally with his anger at his father and himself, you attempt to pull yourself together. Wiping the tears off your cheeks when the car pulls into the gravel driveway, the crunches of the rocks under the tires a comforting sound for you now. You know that you are home when you hear it.

Dominik turns off the car but doesn't move to get out, he exhales harshly, running both his hands through his hair now. You unbuckle your seat belt and turn your body towards him, crossing your arms and holding yourself. "Can we talk?", you whisper out unsure. He doesn't try to look at you, pulling the key out of the ignition, "About what?", he says harshly, in a deeper sullen kind of tone. Your mouth opens and closes as you attempt to force the words out of your mouth. Dominik rarely talks to you like this, so rare it takes you by surprise and snatches the words away from you. After a moment of not answering he scoffs and throws his door open, slamming it behind him as he walks into the house.

You take a deep breath trying to calm your breathing. You throw open your door as well walking into the house, shutting the door from where he left it open for you. Dominik tosses the keys onto the coffee table, kicking off his shoes, huffing and puffing like an intolerable child. It all will begin to make sense, it's not the adult Dominik that is hurting. Dominik's inner child is withering from inside, he misses his father: his supportive words, his life lessons, his hugs, and even wrestling side by side with him.

Dominik walks into the kitchen opening the cabinet, reaching for a cup, you tread into the kitchen as well standing close beside him. You've convinced yourself the best way to help him was to try and talk to him one more time. You are nervous about his reaction to what you will say, how will he react? Like normal right? You put your hand on his arm again, this time squeezing the muscle in the small notion that you are there for him. "Dominik, I know that-". He snaps his glass banging on the table loudly, "What do you know?" he says with a mean pointed gaze. His eyes stared directly into yours with nothing but anger. You slip your hand off his arm for the second time that night.

You tilt your head and you step back just an inch, "Dom I'm just trying to help", he scoffs at your caring words. He walks away from you, straight towards the bedroom, "Yea, well don't", his words sharp and dangerous. Your mouth drops open for a second, unbelieving that your fiance is acting this way towards you, he swore he would love you unconditionally. It's starting to feel hazy and your sweetness is fading second by second. As Dominik is walking by he mutters under his breath, what sounds like an insult something he will soon wish he never said. "siempre jodidamente regañándome", he's close to the bedroom thinking you didn't hear him whisper under his breath. Obviously, something he didn't want you to hear.

Your eyes squint, for some reason thinking that was going to help you process better. "What did you say?", you yell down the hallway, walking towards him all the same. Dominik is already inside the bedroom with the door open, sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. You walk down the hallway stomping your feet, you in the doorway, staring daggers into the back of his head, "What the fuck did you say Dominik?!", you raise your voice. You only knew a little bit of Spanish but you did know one word for sure, "regañándome" (nagging).

Dominik's breath is picking up in anger and his body is pulsing with something he isn't normally accustomed to. His fist clenched covering his face and your yelling set him off. He flies up off the bed to look you in your eyes and yell what he said, he looks so unrecognizable. His face turned a shade red and a vein was prodding his clenched hands. "I said all you do is fucking nag me! You always nag me! Did you hear it that time?!", the first sentence alone made your angry face break. The rest of his spew was just as painful, every sentence making your heart flinch and cower. No matter how much protection you try and have for yourself, nothing would hurt more than that.

You nod wiping your face harshly of the nasty tears that you cry for him. You have no answer for that, you can't even come up with words to mutter to him anymore. Youre afraid if you look at him everything will pull away from you. You walk a few steps into the room going into the closet in order to grab your travel suitcase off the top shelf. You sling it off and lay it on the bed opening it and throwing water clothes of yours are on the rack. Dominiks erratic breathing has slowed down some, only to pick up again as he watches you stuff clothes into the bag.

For now, he can only stare in disgust with himself. He's so scared right now. He's so scared of losing you the only person that really keeps him sane through it all. You walk over to the dresser shoving socks and underwear into the bag, before zipping up the bag with no care for the neatness of your belongings. You roll the bag onto the hardwood floor and you start walking out, Dominik desperately moves after you. His hands and voice shaking at the reality of it all.

"Wait baby, I didn't mean it!", his voice pleading for a sliver of your forgiveness through it all. You shake your head no still moving forward, daring yourself not to look back and not to fall apart at the sinking sound of his pleas. He's pleading for you not to leave him, all of it feeling just like his father did, how his life kept going in this same pattern. You snatch the keys off of the table, throwing a coat on and stuffing the key into the pocket, streams of tears gliding down your face. Dominik's hands are shaking and his breathing is so strangled, almost on the verge of a panic attack, You fiddle with the door knob. The door is at a crack when you open it and Dominik speaks in a small voice, "At least tell me where you're going", you shut your eyes and put your head down for a moment, pondering and living through the play-by-play of your heartbreak. Dominik grabs your arms, mentally begging you to look at him one more time.

"Please", he whispers, "I can't lose you too". You shake your head no, pulling the door open more for you to walk out. "I'm sorry", you whisper shutting the door behind you with a click.

Dominik stands staring at the door, his chest rising and falling like he's on the verge of drowning. He is hyperfocused on the door, his brain is replaying you leaving, over and over again. The click of the door on repeat, makes his ears ring, Dominik clamps his hands over his ears squeezing his eyes shut so tightly it's painful. The ringing doesn't stop, now your soft sorry is at full volume in his head. He pushes his hands against his ears to the point that his eardrums are being squished. Dominik paces for only a moment, all that just for himself to picture the look on your face when he yelled at you.

His fist balls up tightly and his chest is constricted with a million breaths, "FUCK!", his fist lodged into the wall. He pulls back after staring for a moment, his exhales ragged and broken and his knuckles bloody. Dominik turns around and slides against the wall, the stinging of tears in his eyes comparable to his as a child. He tilts his head back, it smacks against the wall and he curses quieter this time, "fuck".

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hours pass but it feels like months. Your phone has been blowing up while you lay in Rhea's guest bedroom clutching the pillow, your sobs keeping her and Buddy awake. Rhea sighs and looks at Buddy, Buddy nods and Rhea slides out of the bed, walking to your door and lightly knocking on it before walking in. Her eyes and look soften in pity and sadness for you, she sits beside you on the bed and holds her arms open for you. You hug her like never before, her friendly comfort is something you need to get through this. How are you going to get through this? Your phone rings again and it lights up the room, the background picture of you and Dominik's kisses blaring from the phone. You cry harder holding onto Rhea.

She reaches over and picks up the phone, turning the volume down so you can't hear. "She doesn't want to talk to you right now Dom", he accent thick as a twinge of anger resonates inside of her. "I know, I know, but I need to talk to her", Rhea is silent looking at your puffy eyes and shaking body, "Rhea please, she's my everything", Dominik's broken and wobbling voice cracking through the phone. Rhea squeezes you tighter, "That's up to her. Bye", Rhea clicks the phone off and puts it on silence. She wraps both arms around you rocking you comfortably.

Dominik is suffering without you, he can't bring himself to eat, and his stomach hurts too much at the pain he brought you. Days passed and he felt so sick. Sick of himself. Sick of life. Sick of the shit that he gets served every day. He just needs you back in his life, he wasn't ready for the most important person in his life to leave like that.

Dominik picks up his phone dialing a friend, at a loss for what to do.

"Hello?".

"Hey", Dominik says with little confidence.

"Sup man? How's it been?", Damian speaks back in his deep curt voice.

"Not good man. She hasn't been home in days, we got into an argument, and I fucked up", Dominik spills to Damian expecting his anger much like Rhea's.

"Shit dude. What are you going to do?", Damian replies surprised that the power couple struggled.

"There's nothing I can do, she doesn't want to talk to me man", Dominik hears Damian scoff from the other side of the phone almost mockingly.

"Stop being a pussy and go talk to her. She won't listen until she sees your effort", Dominik nods, forgetting he can't be seen. Maybe that's what he needed all along, someone to tell him to man up. Someone needed to tell him to let the past be the past and you tried to do that yourself, Dominik just didn't want to hear the truth.

Dominik gathers himself with confidence now, cleaning himself as fast as he could. He turns around and looks for the keys only to curse when he realizes you took them with you. He orders a car and continuously runs a hand through his hair anxiously. The driver takes him to a florist to get him the perfect flowers. The flowers symbolize apology and forgiveness, exactly what he is hoping for.

When Dominik gets dropped off at the front doorstep of Rhea's he lets go of the breath he's been holding since he got into the car. He knocks on the door loudly, trying not to rock on his heels out of anticipation. Rhea slings open the door, and her kind smile switches into one of anger, her knuckles turning white from the grip she has on the door. "What?", she says with malice, Dominik drops his head in shame, "Can I talk to her? Please?", he needs you and he needs like. Rhea opens her mouth to deny but you step out from behind the door.

You put a hand on her shoulder and you smile kindly, "Rhea it's okay, Thank you", Rhea looks at you for a moment and nods. Only turned her head to give Dominik an annoyed look even though they were friends. You cross your arms and lean against the frame of the door saying no words. Dominik holds the floors out to you, and you can't help but melt at the notion. You almost start speaking but Dominik shakes his head no, not wanting your beautiful heart to cut his apology short.

"Im a dick", he says plain and straightforwardly, you just nod agreeing pursing your lips some. "I'm a dick and I treated you horribly. I yelled at you because I was mad at myself and my dad. I had no right", he looks up at you with a sheen of tears making his eyes glassy, "I had no right baby". He sniffles some, he pulls himself together, "I know flowers and a shitty unrehearsed apology isn't going to change what I did, but it cant live without you. I'm getting help for it, I never want you to think you're the problem when it's completely me". He rushes out the apology, every fiber of his being is dedicated to you.

You can't help but feel the familiar feeling of love and intense emotion build up inside your chest, burning at your eyes like it has been for the past few days. You sniffle and a tear runs down your face and Dominik feels himself hurt again, God seeing you cry is like a stab to his chest. He wants to reach out and hold you but it's not his place right now. Dominik isn't full of himself, he sinks down on his knees the flowers squeezed in his hands. He looks up at you with the pleading eyes that make you melt, "Please?" he pleads to you on his knees.

You can't help but nod and wipe your tears away, falling to your knees with him and wrapping your arms around his neck. Dominik drops the flowers and he finally gets to put his arms around your waist again. His eyes are wide and hugs you tightly breathing in everything about you after he has been deprived for days. After minutes he can't bring himself to pull away, he's buried his face into the crook of your neck not wanting to let go in case it is all a dream. He pulls back just enough to touch his forehead to you, "You've never been a bother and you sure as fuck have never nagged me", you kiss his lips with a small peck, "I should've never said that", he whispers against your lips looking into your eyes with sincerity. "I love you" you whisper back an admission of your forgiveness. "I love you", he shakes his head and pushes on your back, your lips falling against his and your body against his like usual.

#dominik mysterio #dominik mysterio x reader angst #dom dom #dominik mysterio fluff #wwe #dominik mysterio smut #dominik mysterio x you #dominik my bbg #dominik mysterio fanfiction #dominik mysterio x reader

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ebaeschnbliah · 1 year

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The Company set out again with good speed at first; but soon their way became steep and difficult. The twisting and climbing road had in many places almost disappeared, and was blocked with many fallen stones. The night grew deadly dark under great clouds. A bitter wind swirled among the rocks. By midnight they had climbed to the knees of the great mountains. The narrow path now wound under a sheer wall of cliffs to the left, above which the grim flanks of Caradhras towered up invisible in the gloom; on the right was a gulf of darkness where the land fell suddenly into a deep ravine.

Laboriously they climbed a sharp slope and halted for a moment at the top. Frodo felt a soft touch on his face. He put out his arm and saw the dim white flakes of snow settling on his sleeve.

They went on. But before long the snow was falling fast, filling all the air, and swirling into Frodo's eyes. The dark bent shapes of Gandalf and Aragorn only a pace or two ahead could hardly be seen.

'I don't like this at all,' panted Sam just behind. 'Snow's all right on a fine morning, but I like to be in bed while it's falling. I wish this lot would go off to Hobbiton! Folk might welcome it there.' Except on the high moors of the Northfarthing a heavy fall was rare in the Shire, and was regarded as a pleasant event and a chance for fun. No living hobbit (save Bilbo) could remember the Fell Winter of 1311, when the white wolves invaded the Shire over the frozen Brandywine.

Gandalf halted. Snow was thick on his hood and shoulders; it was already ankle-deep about his boots.

"This is what I feared,' he said .....

The Company halted suddenly, as if they had come to an agreement without any words being spoken. They heard eerie noises in the darkness round them. It may have been only a trick of the wind in the cracks and gullies of the rocky wall, but the sounds were those of shrill cries, and wild howls of laughter. Stones began to fall from the mountain-side, whistling over their heads, or crashing on the path beside them. Every now and again they heard a dull rumble, as a great boulder rolled down from hidden heights above.

`We cannot go further tonight,' said Boromir. `Let those call it the wind who will; there are fell voices on the air; and these stones are aimed at us.'

The Company now gathered together as close to the cliff as they could. It faced southwards, and near the bottom it leaned out a little, so that they hoped it would give them some protection from the northerly wind and from the falling stones. But eddying blasts swirled round them from every side, and the snow flowed down in ever denser clouds.

They huddled together with their backs to the wall. Bill the pony stood patiently but dejectedly in front of the hobbits, and screened them a little; but before long the drifting snow was above his hocks, and it went on mounting. If they had had no larger companions the hobbits would soon have been entirely buried.

`This will be the death of the halflings, Gandalf,' said Boromir. `It is useless to sit here until the snow goes over our heads. We must do something to save ourselves.'

'What do you say to fire?' asked Boromir suddenly. 'The choice seems near now between fire and death, Gandalf. Doubtless we shall be hidden from all unfriendly eyes when the snow has covered us, but that will not help us.'

'You may make a fire, if you can,' answered Gandalf. 'If there are any watchers that can endure this storm, then they can see us, fire or no.' But though they had brought wood and kindlings by the advice of Boromir, it passed the skill of Elf or even Dwarf to strike a flame that would hold amid the swirling wind or catch in the wet fuel. At last reluctantly Gandalf himself took a hand. Picking up a faggot he held it aloft for a moment, and then with a word of command, naur an edraith ammen! he thrust the end of his staff into the midst of it. At once a great spout of green and blue flame sprang out, and the wood flared and sputtered.

`If there are any to see, then I at least am revealed to them,' he said. 'I have written Gandalf is here in signs that all can read from Rivendell to the mouths of Anduin.'

But the Company cared no longer for watchers or unfriendly eyes. Their hearts were rejoiced to see the light of the fire. The wood burned merrily; and though all round it the snow hissed, and pools of slush crept under their feet, they warmed their hands gladly at the blaze. There they stood, stooping in a circle round the little dancing and blowing flames. A red light was on their tired and anxious faces; behind them the night was like a black wall.

But the wood was burning fast, and the snow still fell.

The fire burned low. and the last faggot was thrown on.

The night is getting old,' said Aragorn. "The dawn is not far off.'

`If any dawn can pierce these clouds,' said Gimli.

Boromir stepped out of the circle and stared up into the blackness. 'The snow is growing less,' he said, `and the wind is quieter.'

JRR Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring, The Ring goes South

#the lord of the rings #the fellowship of the ring #the ring goes south #jrr tolkien #gandalf #aragorn #boromir #frodo #sam #merry #pippin #bill the pony #legolas #gimli #caradhras #movie pics #peter jackson

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coffincoitus · 1 year

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Saw u read a fic where lestat cried a lot 🤲 any iwtv fic recs?

ofc bestie anything for you bestie

(disclaimer: there might be weird things here. you know me)

put on your records and regret meeting me

lestat being a sadist and louis being a masochist. all is well on planet earth. loved this line particularly: "The red thread of fate that connected them was a cord; a rope; a chain."

summary: Lestat considered breaking his wrist, shattering those tiny, fragile bones; would Louis finally feel something then?

“Have you forgotten that you are mine?” Lestat asked him.

Louis laughed without humor. “You’d never let me.”

la dorure en reste aux mains

I love how the sex here illustrates the power imbalance in their relationship! the very fact that they both get off on louis taking control in bed is a testament to how lestat is in control in every other aspect. sexy!!

summary: And possibly I like the thrill, of under me you quite so new

Set after 1x02, Louis trying to regain some equilibrium after the opera and the fiasco with the tenor.

and you were never cruel

this one is a bit of an "and find out" for lestat. what I like about it is that it has lestat going bonkers catshit bananas murder mode over louis being hurt by another. also pyromaniac louis

summary: Lestat and Antoinette succeed in killing Claudia and kidnapping Louis, just like Lestat wanted. Lestat comes to regret it.

Cruel Intentions

louis being a male manipulator and lestat being enamored with it. except louis goes meaner than you'd expect. the ending put an evil smile on my face. there's a cat named louis II

summary: “You’ve never been cruel, Louis.”

and back to the river

pure and endearing vampire fluff

summary: Fucking hell, Louis thinks.

In Feverish Need

sickfic set before lestat turned louis. he feeds louis his blood without louis' knowledge while louis is still human, which felt so intimate to me. phantom thread vibes but like. in opposite direction.

summary: On the night before Grace's wedding, Louis found himself suddenly overcome with a terrible fever; fortunately, as he recounts here, Lestat was there to take care of him.

fear death by water (what the thunder said)

it's a deviation from the finale, but the author didn't avoid the poisoning which I love! louis caring for lestat's catatonic body and nursing him back to health. phantom thread vibes...

An Aching Pulse in Search of a Home

this is the crybaby lestat fic I was talking about!

summary: Louis has a special talent for this kind of thing. Louis the patient one, the gentleman, with his steady hands and an unyielding gaze; Louis, who for so long walked this earth fueled solely by the aching, perverted gratification of his own denial. Oh, he is a master of this exquisite hunger that exists on the precipice of unravelment and Lestat, at his mercy, is as they say in the modern parlance: totally fucked.

#answered #loustat

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shannarous · 2 years

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Why do you think, Sakura is so hated in the fandom?

Good question, anon, but also a hard one.

First of all, let's remember that Sakura is only hated that much in Western fandoms. Afaik she's quite popular in Japan, but at the very least, they don't hate her so much. This probably has cultural reasons, but I admit I lack the knowledge necessary to go deeper into that.

I can try to analyze some of the Western hate though. I think there are several reasons for it:

1. She's often reduced to the person she was in the very first episodes, despite changing quite fast after that. She started as a weak girl, probably one of the weakest kunoichi in their class when it comes to physical abilities, though she was always one of the smartest and did show a certain talent for ninjutsu too. But at that time she didn't know how to put her talents to use, and while she was trying to figure that out, she wasn't that much of a help in her team - especially since Naruto and Sasuke were improving their skills really fast. You probably know that's why many haters like to call her "useless". On top of that, she needed a little time to realize she wasn't all that good yet, though that realization really didn't take her long. The first impression of her, however, you can call it arrogant. She was overestimating her skills and she disrespected Naruto because he was a "loser" and had bad grades. As we all know, that only lasted for the very first chapters/episodes, yet for some fans this short time was enough to always hate her for that, no matter how much she changed afterwards. Forever.

2. She's a girl. Now, I'm not a big feminist tbh, but it's undeniable that this is a reason she's getting hate. Naruto is a shounen series, it's aimed primarily at young boys. This is also why shounen MCs are almost always male, and females rarely get much screentime or chances for development. You can see that in so, so many stories of that genre, and Naruto, as a very typical shounen, is no exception. There are many (of course, not nearly all!) male fans who are simply annoyed of Sakura, because she has never been and never will be able to compete on the same level as the "heroes" Naruto and Sasuke since she wasn't given the necessary spotlight. They see her as an unnecessary burden who cries all the time and slows the main characters down. And she has the audacity to be in love with one of the guys, fueling the hate of fujoshis too (we all know Sakura's haters aren't all male).

3. They're hating on an "inaccurate" version of Sakura, because her depiction in the anime sometimes differs from the one in the manga. And this might be where the cultural differences become important. Japanese people tend to read the manga first, since they have the best access to it, and if they're interested they watch the anime afterwards once it's released. Western fans most often than not do it the other way around, most of them never even read the manga but only watch the anime. Well, the problem is, the Naruto anime is full of fillers which are written by the studio (SP), and apart from the filler stories mostly being very bad, they also mischaracterize a lot. Especially Sakura. Now, my claim is that someone who only ever watches the anime sees a different Sakura than someone who only reads the manga. And that leads to a lot of hate too.

Tbh the list goes on, there is more I could elaborate on. But it's getting late here and this post is already quite long, so I'll make a cut here. Maybe I'll come back to this ask at a later time. Thanks for the question, anon!

#anon ask #queen sakura #team 7 #fandom hate

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twstmemories · 2 years

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Can I’m have kalim Floyd and malleus x male reader who loves cute things and use cute clothes and have a bunny plushie with him all the time headcanons please

-- ! Honey-senpai from ouran has invaded. hhhhh soft nrc boys with an equally soft and cute reader whom they love very much yes yes, keep fueling me with just soft content like this and i'll give you more back (*_ _)人

also! i know i've put up that i accept requests with any sort of gender preference, but i still have a tendency to write out these headcanons with a gender-neutral mindset, i'm not avoiding anything on purpose - it's just what i'm used to doing! so please keep that in mind whenever i do write gendered headcanons besides my usual gender-neutral ones ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

✧ Kalim Al-Asim, Floyd Leech & Malleus Draconia with a reader who loves cute things

✧ male!reader

✧ warning: mentions of toxic masculinity and Floyd beating up said people for said toxic masculinity mindset

✧ The moment you reveal this fact to him you can practically see his eyes sparkling in excitement. Finally something he can shower you with to show you how much he loves you even more? Sign Kalim up, he's rushing home and figuring out everything he can buy that he just knows you will love!

✧ He doesn't throw it all at you at once, but he wants to see your every reaction when he presents you with a piece of clothing that he knows you'll find cute, or he's hopping over to you with another small plushie he got custom-made so that you can keep by your bed. Amongst all the other custom-made plushies he's already given you.

✧ Never fails to compliment your attire or accesorry for the day! Bouncing over to you and giving you a tight hug before looking you up and down: "Ah! Did you wear the sweater I gave you yesterday? I knew the light blue would look good on you! Jamil helped me pick that one out, hehe!" Seoncd best boyfriend award goes to Kalim Al-Asim

✧ Guards your bunny plushie like his life depends on it whenever you leave it with him to do something. Either he's holding it or staring at it constantly if you put it in front of him and not on him. Won't even let Jamil touch it: "[Name] said I had to take care of it until he's back! He's always carrying it around, so it's really important to him, I can't let you have it, Jamil!"

✧ Kalim is very gullible, so whenever other students come to him when he's alone to comment on his lover, the indicators or backhanded compliments goes right over him. Instead he will gleefully agree to what they say and tell them a lot more about how much he loves you! He'll babble on about a particular outfit you wore that just made you look the absolute cutest that day, how cute your smile is when you finally accept what he's offering and so on: "You see, the other day I gave [Name] another set of clothes where we would match and he almost cried you see! I didn't expect that he would like it so much! I should probably order another set soon if he gets that happy!" The other students gets put surprised by how much Kalim praises you (and the fact Jamil is glaring daggers into their skull from behind Kalim) that they just scurry off before Kalim finishes. Jamil is usually beside him when these incidentens happens, and gets a good chuckle out of it: "I guess that's one of the many good parts about you."

✧ But it's not like you're going to stand idly by either. While Kalim is the type to blabber out every praise to the point it's unbearing, you can gladly just show that no matter how cute you are you can still beat their asses. These kind of people is lucky to get Kalim's end of the stick instead of yours (･ω<)☆

✧ Oh Floyd will find you so adorable. He already finds you adorable enough from before, but the moment he sees you in your casual outfit holding a bunny plushie he just explodes internally at how cute you look: "Should I start calling you little bunny from now on, with how I always see you with that little bunny?" he will inquire, tapping on the nose of the plushie you're carrying with a toothy grin.

✧ Won't really see any difference about you. He always found you cute, you wearing cute clothes and going around hugging a stuffed bunny is just a huge advantage for Floyd when it comes to wanting to give you hugs. What do you mean he can't get a hug? When you're looking so cuddly right now, practically asking him to give you a big hug?

✧ Not someone to give you anything new, but will notice if you're wearing something different immediately, and thus comment on how cute you look. All for him of course? If you surprise him by wearing something completely new when he's working on Mostro Lounge he's already bouncing in excitement and forgets to work completely. You came all the way over to Mostro Lounge to show off your new outfit, why then he must do his part and give you all the compliments!

✧ Some days, when he feels like it, he will make you a drink or a certain parfait that fits your outfit of the day at Mostro Lounge. Floyd is after all able to remember anything he sees or reads once, and since anything related to you interests him, he will gladly make something up to see your beaming smile: "Hehe, you look so happy wiith a simple drink, was it that delicious?" and when you comment on how adorable it looked he will only beam back at you: "Of course, a cute drink for a cute boy is needed after all."

✧ No one is allowed to say a single bad thing about you if Floyd is nearby. One time, a few students did comment on your attire when you and Floyd were together. He had ignored them there in favor of making you listen to him more than the comments by acting silly. A few hours later however, he had successfully tracked down said students and given them a huge squeeze, resulting in some broken ribs of course: "Say, the only one allowed to comment on what [Name] is wearing is me. The only thing he will hear from others is compliments on how nice he looks, not whatever crap you were spewing, are we clear?" ( ´ ▽ ` )

✧ And while you're grateful for Floyds assistance, you can also take care of yourself. And to be honest, the day Floyd sees you in your cute little outfit either politely talk down the person insulting you or just beating them up, he swoons. Wow his boyfriend is both cute and deadly, it's like you were made for him. And will thus ask you to fight him as well-

✧ Malleus will find you quite adorable indeed when you meet up with him again. Will also inquire if you dressed up this cutely for him. If you tell him that's how you usually dress he will be down for a second before smiling: "Well then, I'll look forward to whatever outfit you will graze me with next time then."

✧ But then again, even if you say you dress like this usually. You also usually hang around Malleus most of the time as well, so in a way the cute outfits you wear from time to time is reserved for him. He takes great pleasure in that fact and makes sure to compliment you the moment he sees you.

✧ Will ask about the bunny plushie you keep bringing. If you ask if it's bothering him he will quickly shut down any misunderstanding and ask that he was only curious, but the image of you holding the bunny plushie somehow ties the whole scene together. Ahh, another peaceful memory Malleus can engrave onto his memory.

✧ Will ask Lilia about latest fashion trends, much to Lilia's surprise, but he will quickly figure out it's for your sake and thus let Malleus look through an array of clothing that fits your style. The next time you meet and he presents you with a few accessories, the beaming smile you give him is enough of a reward for the endless days Malleus has pondered about the choices for what could best suit you.

✧ Malleus is not used to interacting with other students, nor is he able to understand hidden intententions quite quickly if they were to say something rude. And if he were to hear someone mention the way his lover dresses, he will be quite curious as to why this is a topic that is needed to be discussed. Upon hearing though, even Malleus is frowning and will actually march up to them, unaware of the terrified yelp of those students: "Has mankind's mentality regressed thus far to comment on someones choice of clothing now? Most interesting, tell me is the way [Name] dresses in his free time that bothersome that it requires for you two to comment on it?” the students promptly run off before Malleus can get an answer though. ∑(O_O;)

✧ The few times you're both together and some brave students still have the audacity to comment on your attire, you will just hand your bunny plushie to Malleus with a smile: "Take care of him, okay? I don't want him to get dirty after Lilia took the time to make him clean again," before marching up to said students and giving them a piece of your mind, Malleus standing idly by and watching, holding said bunny plushie in his arms, now that alone is a cute sight.

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mrskurono · 3 years

Text

title: Bet Me || domming the Seijoh Grads

a/n: anon who gave me this idea, I thought FOREVER about how to execute this and I just like- this happened while taking a shower ok. Iwa had it coming to him being the alpha dog

word count: 2.7k

tags: dom!reader, group sex (mmmmf), established relationship (on Oikawa’s end), bondage, handjob, slight degradation, edging, cockwarming, ruined orgasm, masturbation (male), oral( male and female), rimjob, cucking, male on male (penetration +oral), anal creampie, cocky Oikawa, brat taming Iwa, slightly dacraphilia, safe word mention (unused) petnames, uh probably something else but c’mon its fucking smut, unedited

character(s): Oikawa Tooru (hq), Hajime Iwaizumi (hq) Takahiro Hanamaki (hq) Issei Matsukawa (hq)

heavy nsfw undercut ⇾ ⇾ ⇾

Tooru ran his mouth like a bullet train.

No one took him seriously when he toted about how amazing you were. Claiming you to be the best. Which, to Iwa’s, Makki’s and Mattsun’s surprise, that was notably a lot coming from the ladies man himself. Tooru’s taste in women came like his coffee order did, sweet and sweeter. So when the man came sporting some glamorous little bruises on his torso. Well, that lead to a bit of a bet.

“This won’t work.” Iwa scoffed at the idea, nearly rolling his eyes out of his head when the last bit of rope was secure, “She can’t do it since Shittykawa is just a wimp of course he cums easily!”

“You gonna bet me for that huh baby?” Standing above the man who was now tied at your feet seemed to leave you in a pretty domineering position now over him. Iwa wouldn’t give it up though. He was certain you couldn’t edge him until he cried.

If Iwa cried, then the bet was in your favor. Makki and Mattsun would without a doubt bow to your ability. Seeing though as no one had bested their friend since high school, neither of them saw much potential besides maybe a fun circle jerk out of this. Tooru on the other hand was nearly vibrating out of his own skin with excitement for the occasion.

“You’re gonna eat those words you know Iwa!” Tooru grinning. His best friend really had no idea what he was in store for. And he wasn’t going to tell him either.

Rolling your eyes you wave your boyfriend away and kneel down in front of the bulky athletic trainer. Searching his face. Paying almost no attention to his half a hard on even now, and you simply smile at him, “No kissing. And the safe word is teal, yeah?”

Iwa rolled his eye once more, “Yeah ok.”

Mattsun and Makki elbowed each other with a bit of a giggle between the two of them. They didn’t think you could do it but were certainly glad to not be in Iwa’s shoes. Only arms tired behind his back, Iwa was left in a precarious position when your hand ghosted over his cock.

Feathery touch of your fingertips down his thick shaft and Iwa scoffed. An offhanded comment about if that was the best you got then you should just jerk him off. Instead you let his words fall on deaf ears. Smiling as you took your hand away. Earning all eyes on you as you reached for what was simply a regular bottle of lube.

Drizzling it over Iwa’s cock until it ran down his shaft and between his balls to drip on the ground at his feet. You really had everyone’s attention now that his cock was slimy with lube and untouched. The peanut gallery snickered. Tooru said something in a husky mumble. But it was clear all three men were beginning to palm themselves through their pants. Iwa on the other hand, held firm that this would just be another handjob.

Which in reality you suppose it was. Your work slow and methodical. Wasn’t long before you realized Iwa was enjoying himself. Fingers dancing up and down his cock. The squelch of the lube when you squeezed his tip. Watching him roll his head back and savor the simple movement. Really besides his arms being tied behind his back this was all about to end like a normal handjob.

That was, until the first stringy bits of precum dripped from Iwa’s cock.

“Fuck- Right there-” His low guttural moan.

Indulgent and self centered. Iwa was about to cum and not a tear in sight. Even Makki and Mattsun who now shamelessly were jerking themselves off weren’t surprised by the outcome. But like he knew something they didn’t, Tooru had his hands off himself. Completely. Only those brown eyes set forward and fixated on your hands like he was waiting for you to do something.

“You gonna cum baby?” Your fingers working magic up and down his cock.

Iwa nodded. He wasn’t even paying attention. The handjob was hot but all eyes on him while he was going to win seemed to fuel him even more. You could feel his cock twitch in your hand. Carefully you watched until his balls tightened and then you did it. Exactly what Tooru knew you’d do.

Hand smashed to the top of Iwa’s cock before he could say anything. Your strokes stopped completely. Replaced by a firm grip and your opposing hand feverishly rubbing your palm in circles over his slit. Iwa had no time to react. The overstim right into too much making his entire body twitch and convulse. He doubled over but could not escape. The bindings he strained against didn’t give way. And your hand didn’t stop with it’s cruel motions. Nothing he did could make him escape the pins and needles of pleasure cascading through his body on overdrive.

“Give up? Too much baby? Huh you not gonna cum? Baby wanted to cum though. Where’s all that big boy talk now, Hajime?” Your words sweet in tone and evil in context. Iwa was coming undone in front of everyone he knew. Makki and Mattsun had stopped stroking themselves entirely. Wide eyed at the sight as Tooru was giggling and palming himself finally to his slight relief. His queen was going to win the bet. He just knew you would.

“-‘s much-” Iwa croaked, body trembling under your touch.

“What? I can’t hear you?” Your hand only slick with precum and the lube off his cock, “Come now, I wanna see all your sweet milk spill out~ Won’t you do that for me Hajime?”

Iwa grunted, bucked his hips and gritted his teeth. His orgasm was being forcibly taken from him but still not a tear to spare. As he twitched and shifted his hips up he was certain this would come crashing into an orgasm. Building quicker and quicker by the passing second. He forgot to care if everyone around him was even jerking off to the sight of him anymore. Iwa gasped just when his orgasm was tipping to no return.

“That’s enough.”

Iwa gasped. Mattsun and Makki gasped. Tooru giggled.

Your hand completely removed from Iwa’s cock. All men witnessed the cruelest thing to date. Iwa’s cock bouncing, in desperation, with one exact bead of white cum oozing from his slit. You just ruined Iwaizumi’s orgasm and they all watched you do it.

“No! Don’t stop! Idiot! K-Keep doing it! Keep moving I- I just- I wanna cum!!” Iwa’s pleas fell from his mouth. Ending with his voice cracking as his orgasm tightened around him but just wouldn’t be released. You sat smug in front of him and when his voice cracked he knew it was all over.

You won.

“Shit....” Mattsun mumbled, fixated on Iwa’s poor cock standing so abused and hard.

“Man....that’s....wow.” Makki, still grabbing at his cock, couldn’t tear his eyes away.

“Told you guys so~” Tooru sung your praise more than happy to see both his friends adamant that what they saw wasn’t something they wished on anyone. Especially themselves.

“So.” You stood up, hand covered in slickness mixed with Iwa’s precum and looked at Mattsun and Makki, “Anyone else think I’m a liar?”

Quickly they shook their heads.

“Good.” You smiled sweetly. Fixing to pull your panties off right away and throw them between Iwa’s legs still bound in front of you. On full display the natural juices clinging to your thighs with how wet you’d gotten on this little bet. So now you figured no one was going to argue with you, it was your turn for some relief, “Makki, come here.”

Eyes wide he looked at Tooru. Who grinned and nodded for him to do as you said.

Sheepish of the same treatment. He knew a bet was a bet. Undoubtedly you were proclaimed alpha and did as you asked.

“Sit for me yeah?” You point across from Iwa.

Makki swallowed hard but listened. He didn’t want the same outcome as Iwa. When he’d sat down you grab a fistful of his hair and pull him into your ass, “Lick me up a little. I don’t wanna sit on your cock this wet.”

Obediently Makki liked this outcome much more. His tongue swiping over your thighs and lapping at your juices with no questions asked. If he heard you right, sitting on his cock was next in line.

“Tooru baby,” You cooed at your boyfriend, “Mattsun looks awfully hard. Maybe you should take care of him?”

While you pulled Makki’s face into you more, letting him lick you clean in front of Iwa. You take pride in seeing how well your boyfriend drops to his knees to take his friends cock. Mattsun certainly as big as some of the toys you make sweet Tooru gag on. It’s within no time that he has him down his throat. Brown eyes looking up at Mattsun as his cheeks hollow out and he goes to town sucking him like a good boy. Allowing you to enjoy yourself a bit more.

“Alright thank you, Makki,” You pull his face away, coated in your juices and a bit of a dazed look. Adding to the bliss on the man’s face when you finally seat yourself on his cock. Makki’s hands going right to your hips, “Ah ah ah, don’t move. Unless you wanna end up like Iwa huh?”

“Y-Yes ma’am-” Makki stutters with the right amount of fear not to try you on it. Iwa is still left bound in front of you with his cock head purple and aching as it twitches against the air for some kind of relief.

When you wiggle yourself comfortably on Makki’s cock. Moaning softly and spreading your legs so Iwa can see his friend’s cock buried inside you. You click your tongue at Iwa to make him look at you.

Drawing a finger up your slit and teasing your own clit, you smile at Iwa, “Bet you wish you hadn’t lost huh? Wishing you were stuffing my cunny with that cock right about now? Instead, only seeing sweet Makki stretch me out and how hard my clit is. Bet I could cum like this. On his cock that is.”

Iwa licked his lips. How desperate he was to cum. You were absolutely right, Iwa desperately wanted to be Makki, “.....please.”

“Please what?” You asked, reaching your wet fingers back to stuff in Makki’s mouth, “Suck baby.”

Makki listened well. Tongue washing over your fingers to eat your juices up as he relished the feeling of his cock inside you after all this. He wasn’t about to screw this up.

Hanging his head low Iwa internalized his growl and finally spoke up, “....please...let me taste you.”

“That’s a good boy,” You use your foot to tilt his head up towards you. Making him face you but when that smile widened Iwa’s stomach tightened, “But first, Tooru~”

Popping his lips off Mattsun’s cock, your boyfriend turned towards you. Seeing you motion him over. Tooru hated to leave what he was doing but was more curious about what you could want.

“Love, do you think you could take Mattsun?” You ask sweetly.

Tooru blushed at the idea, “I mean...yeah...with a little prep I could-”

“Say no more,” You wave his words away and look to Iwa, “Prep him for me will you baby?”

Giddy at the idea. Tooru didn’t waste anytime getting on his knees. Hips pushed back towards Iwa and Tooru bringing his face inches from your core. Not allowed to taste you but where he could vividly see Makki’s cock stuffed in you.

Perhaps it was the grogginess of a ruined orgasm. Or the fact he was desperate to cum at this point. But there was no hesitation when Iwa pressed his tongue against Tooru. Earning a lewd moan from his best friend that fueled him. Finding himself so hard at the idea of Tooru pressing back on his face as Iwa tongued him.

“Mmm there, does Iwa’s tongue feel good love?” You caress his face as your free hand plays with your clit. Makki not moving as you ordered but his hands certainly didn’t seem to count as he groped and fondled your breast.

“S-So good-” Tooru moaned. His labored breathing and cock hanging between his legs as Iwa ate him out was a beautiful sight. One that wouldn’t last long though.

“Can you take Mattsun now?” You asked sweetly of him. Tooru nodded. He didn’t want to lose Iwa’s tongue but he knew the next thing would be better. So you looked to Mattsun with an inquisitive look.

“Don’t gotta tell me twice.” Mattsun ready to stuff his cock in anything a this point.

You watched in pure bliss as you saw Tooru straddle his friend like he did you so often. Instead of sliding down on a toy though. You watched Mattsun’s enormous cock disappear in his ass. Tooru’s stomach tensing until he relaxed and the brown haired man sighed in relief.

“Feel good?” You asked the both of them.

Hardly a response though as Mattsun and Tooru ended up in their own little world. Fucking only mere feet from you. Makki’s cock buried in you as you lazily played with your clit. Leaving Iwa out of it.

“Please...” He stooped as low as to beg, “...Please let me taste at least.”

Feeling generous and like it would be a nice change. You indulge him. Allowing Iwa to finally get a little something even though he was the loser.

“Make me cum before Mattsun fills Tooru and I’ll let you cockwarm next time~”

Iwa didn’t need to be told twice. Diving between your legs to find your clit instantly. His tongue working overtime as you leaned back into Makki. Making the man hold you and catching his lips. He was a good boy who wasn’t moving so kissing him was the least you could do.

As instructed Iwa was an expert with his tongue. Giving your clit all of his attention. Sadly thought he wasn’t privy to winning this either. Glancing over at the other two soon assure you of that. The way Mattsun gripped Tooru’s hips. Cum drooling out of Tooru’s cock for lord only knows how long now. And the way Mattsun’s brows pinched in the middle and hips stalled meant Iwa lost once more.

Unsurprisingly the two men had to catch their breath. Mattsun pulling out and a flood of cum following. Tooru being a good boy when you told him not to waste any and he scooped up Mattsun’s cum and pushed it back inside himself. Fingering himself as Iwa’s tongue began doing the trick when your hand found his hair and your grip tightened.

First a wonderful little tickle until finally you were leaning back into Makki groaning with a shudder. No real movement save for the ripple of your cushiony cunt walls around his cock. After all this Makki wasn’t going to complain. Even as Iwa’s tongue glided over his shaft a few times in desperation to keep you cumming on his tongue.

Neither men cared when your orgasm was in full swing. Your cunt tightening around Makki until he had no choice but to double over into you. Holding you tight as his cock throbbed inside you and his balls emptied every last drop of cum into your well deserving pussy. Even Iwa not caring as he did his job to ride out your orgasm and some of Makki’s excess cum drooling out around him and Iwa licking it up like a good boy. Focused on your hand in his hair until he knew he’d done his job when your grip slowly loosened and finally released him completely.

Satisfied but not letting Makki go anywhere just yet. Which he didn’t mind. Tooru crawled over to you. Kissing you with the faint taste of Mattsun’s cock on his lips and certainly his cum still dripping down his inner thighs. Tooru smiled against you before nuzzling his face against yours.

“Aye wait-” Iwa, still the only one who hadn’t came yet, huffed and looked around.

No one said a thing. Makki spared you a look by hiding his face in your neck like Tooru. Mattsun looked your way and didn’t say anything to his friend. And Tooru simply kept kissing your neck without a care. None of them were going to go against your wishes making you smile at Iwa, “Well, maybe next time you’ll know better than to bet against me now won’t you?”

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amxranthiine · 3 years

Text

imagine being the ex-friend of the slytherin crew. [she/her] (no voldy bc ew)

had this thought at 3am last night while fangirling with my friend last night. sorry for any errors <3

angst, mentions of parents disowning child, blood prejudice, mention of childhood/forbidden crush

- [ ] you had known draco, blaise, theo, pansy, astoria and daphne since you were very young.

- [ ] since you all were two to be exact. your parents were close and your birthdays weren't too far apart, so it was only natural that you all became a crew growing up, anxiously waiting for your eleventh birthdays.

- [ ] you all were inseparable. you learned to fly together, talk together, walk together... hell, you had all learned you were wizards together.

- [ ] you were always closer to blaise than the rest of the crew. you were younger than him, though not by much, and he seemed protective over you. as inseparable the rest of you were, blaise couldn't go anywhere without you, and the same goes for you to him.

- [ ] how ecstatic you were when you all got your hogwarts letters! you were going to be in the same year and hopefully, probably, the same house!

- [ ] it was expected of you all to be in slytherin, all coming from very long lines of prestigious pureblood serpents.

- [ ] the other six were more than confident that they would all be in slytherin together. you? not so much.

- [ ] you were very nervous, to say the least. you didn't portray the slytherin traits as much as the others.

- [ ] and when pansy or blaise would try to reassure you that it would be fine, you couldn't help but wonder if they were trying to convince you or themselves.

- [ ] and because you didn't portray the serpent traits, that made them all extremely protective of you. blaise especially, draco and theo coming close in second, and the girls just wanted to make sure you were okay.

- [ ] but the moment the sorting hat yelled out a name that wasn't slytherin, everything stopped.

- [ ] your friendships with your lifelong friends, your crush on blaise (okay, that didn't go away), everything you grew up with just... disappeared.

- [ ] your now ex-friends wanted nothing to do with you, even your parents didn't want to speak to you. your housemates were cruel, jesting about how you were a stain on their house, and a snake deep down.

- [ ] it was safe to say you had no one.

- [ ] the crew started being mean to you somewhere around christmas of first year. before then, they had just ignored you. just like everyone else.

- [ ] after christmas though... they seemed to have a new hatred for you.

- [ ] especially blaise, which hurt the most. you swore you were seeing things when you thought you saw sadness somewhere in his eyes whenever he was rude to you.

- [ ] you were alone for the remainder of first year, and for the first two months of second.

- [ ] that's when you met luna, neville and ginny. you guys were thick as thieves, and for the first time for two years, you were actually happy.

- [ ] of course, your childhood friends were still mean to you, nothing had really changed on that part. but you were... happier, and that hurt them. because you happier without them, and that wasn't how it was supposed to be.

- [ ] they supposed they should be glad that you were doing better. last year, they were going mad out of worry for you. apparently you had stayed at hogwarts for christmas out of request from your parents, and it was christmas day when the adults told the rest of them to stop associating with you.

- [ ] it remained fairly passive over the next few years, you remained close with luna, neville and ginny, and had even befriended the golden trio and the twins!

- [ ] the serpent squad didn't like that too much, but they supposed your current friends were better than no friends, and as long as you were happy, they were happy

- [ ] but they still continue their kind-of bullying. they weren't as cruel to you as they were to others, but words still hurt and boy do they have a snake's tongue on them.

- [ ] blaise could hardly stand being away from you but his mother had made him swear that he would not associate with you, the blood traitor.

- [ ] all he wanted to do was hold you, but he rather bullied you instead.

- [ ] it was the beginning of sixth year when draco and pansy had gone too far. the other four were just watching blankly, trying not to let their discomfort show as the two reprimanded you, mocked you, and insulted you in the middle of the great hall. calling you a blood traitor, a stain of your family name and house name, and even going as far as saying "no wonder your parents don't want you, just look at you!" while the all the slytherins around them laughed. or at least, pretended to.

- [ ] you had looked at them for a long time, teary eyed and red faced, just trying to understand what you did to deserve this. until you nodded your head, said "okay," and walked out of the great hall.

- [ ] they heard your friends call your name, your closest ones even running after you.

- [ ] theo and blaise looked like they were about to beat draco to death, astoria and daphne were just disappointed in pansy, they knew how much she missed you, and yet she ruined any chance of you forgiving them.

- [ ] blaise eventually decided against killing the blonde and ran after you, the rest following suit after a moment.

- [ ] it didn't take them long to find you, sobbing against a wall with your head in your hands, ginny, nev and luna all crowded around you. rubbing your back and whispering reassurances in your ear.

- [ ] "i don't know what i did to deserve that," you cried, sniffling as you wiped your nose on your sleeve and looked and ginny.

- [ ] "oh love, you didn't do anything," the ginger said, wrapping her arms around you.

- [ ] "don't listen to them, y/n! they're just prats!" assured nev, leaning against the wall awkwardly, with one hand on your back.

- [ ] luna played with your hair, "yeah, y/n, they don't deserve your love and kindness."

- [ ] "thank you guys. i mean it. without you three i don't know where i would be." you laughed, but no part of it was humorous.

- [ ] draco, being the blonde he was, decided it was a good time to intervene, "hopefully alive, haha."

- [ ] the six of them had come out from around the corner, feeling ashamed and wanting to hit themselves for making you cry.

- [ ] "what do you lot wanf? haven't you done enough?" asked ginny, placing herself in front of you.

- [ ] "yes but.."

- [ ] "no, you don't get to talk. now piss off before you do even more damage."

- [ ] "we just want to apologize," said blaise.

- [ ] you scoffed, "a bit late for that."

- [ ] pansy looked down, "we're really sorry, y/n, for what just happened and for everything the past six years. you know how our families are and they told us to stop talking to you... so we did."

- [ ] all feelings of sadness were gone now, pansy's words has ignited a flame within you, one you've been holding in for years.

- [ ] "stop talking to me? so that gave you permission to be bloody awful to me? merlin's beard, you six were worse than umbridge on her bad days! you could have just... i don't know, explained what happened in first year? and apologized for abandoning me? and maybe we could still be friends! but no, you lot ruined any chance of that ever happening again. so thank you for that." you paused to take a breath. your audience was wide eyed and shocked, not quite believing you had such anger in you... but oh man, you weren't done yet.

- [ ] "and let me just say, blaise, your insults hurt the most. merlin, i thought the world of you. i thought you were my everything. but that all just went away the moment you thought not associating with me, meant making my life a living hell."

- [ ] you were, once again, crying. you took a deep breath and sadness took over you once again, you mumbled an "excuse me" and took off down the corrider.

- [ ] the serpent squad was stunned. they hadn't realised what they did effected you that much. blaise was upset with himself, disappointed, even. he felt the same about you, even if you both were too young for it to be love, and now he knew he never get it pack.

- [ ] theo cleared his throat and tried looking anywhere but at the trio in front of them, who were looking at the six with anger and disappointment.

- [ ] "you guys couldn't even begin to understand what she's been through," neville said after moments of awkward silence. "not long after the sorting ceremory, her parents sent her a letter, practically disowning her. before that, you guys abandoned her. she was alone for nearly a year and a half before we met her. and by merlin she was a wreck."

- [ ] ginny and luna chuckled, not out of humor, but out of irony. this situation was similar to the situation you were in when you met them.

- [ ] neville ignored them, and the curious stares the six were giving him, and continued, this time fueled by anger.

- [ ] "we were the ones who picked up the pieces. we were the ones who made sure she didn't die after losing everything she had ever known. we were the ones who made her smile again, happy again. we picked up the pieces because you weren't there, and you were exactly what had caused it in the first place." neville spit out the last sentence as if it were venom, hoping to hurt them as much as they hurt you.

- [ ] they were all on the verge of tears, daphne and astoria were holding each other and looked to be in the most pain, because they missed you the most.

- [ ] "i hope you lot are happy with yourselves, you're about five years to late to the pity party."

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keanureevesisbae · 3 years

Note

You're on a roadtrip and in the middle of nowhere, your car breaks down. Obviously your phone died too - what happens next?

This, is very interesting and my horny brain figured out what would happen next 👀👀

Walter Marshall x fem!reader

Wordcount: 1.5k (yes, a lot happens)

Warnings: Fingering, squirting, unprotected sex 👀

‘Piece of shit,’ you mutter under your breath. You cannot believe this happened again and to make matters even worse, you're in the middle of fucking nowhere. Last time your car decided to break down, at least it happened downtown, meaning there were around five men who saw you hopelessly staring at your car, not knowing what to do and offered their help.

Now, you’re by yourself.

You grab your phone from the passengers seat, only to discover the most horrible thing that could ever happen to you.

Your battery died.

It’s probably around thirty minutes until you reach some sort of civilization and it’s getting darker and darker.

Oh no, is this how people get murdered?

Great, now you’re not only by yourself, but you also scared yourself by envisioning horrible scenario's. You pop the hood of the car, only to realize that everything looks the exact same and you have no idea where to start. Why do the problems have to be so complicated? If it were a flat tire, you probably would’ve managed to fix it, but this is on a whole new level of complex.

A car stops behind yours and your heart stops for a few seconds. Please don’t be a serial killer, please don’t be creepy in general. You peek around your car, only to see the very familiar truck. You’ve seen that car around in town, including the owner of it.

You watch him step out of the vehicle. His shoulders are broad, his strut is confident and his brows are furrowed, but that is nothing new. When he sees it’s you, one corner of his mouth curls up. ‘Sweetheart,’ he says and you can’t help but slightly giggle when hearing that nickname.

Detective Walter Marshall is a very well loved customer at the cafe you work at, mostly because he comes by every day and has become a reliable income. He always orders one cappuccino to go and sometimes he goes a little crazy and orders a cookie with it as well. He rarely smiles, but recently you noticed that whenever you took his orders, you not only earned yourself a very lovely 'Sweetheart', but also a small smile. Sometimes, he would even go as far to asking you what your plans were for after work and when you answered with whatever the plans were, he would simply nod and tell you to not have too much fun without him.

It was cheeky and slightly flirty, but it was always within the four walls of the cafe and nothing happened. You wished though. Walter Marshall was a very desired bachelor in town.

‘Hi detective,’ you say with a smile.

‘Car trouble?’

You nod. ‘Yes, it’s just that my car gives up from time to time.’

‘I see, I see.’ He rolls up his sleeves and stands next to you, examining everything. He starts to say something about some sort of liquid/fuel-thingy, but you have no idea what he means. Not only are you distracted because it’s too complicated, but also because of his outstanding beauty. No man in town tips to him.

Of course you fantasized about him, just like everyone else. There was quite the age gap between you, a rough fifteen years, but that never stopped you from having the most disgusting, NSFW dreams about him.

‘What?’ you ask him, when he looks at you, obviously waiting for an answer.

‘You weren’t listening,’ he chuckles. ‘That’s okay. What I said was that it’s too late to call for a tow truck and that I can’t fix it right away. We can leave your car here and I can drive you to your place if you want.'

'But what if it gets stolen?'

'How?' he asks. 'The car doesn't work, right?'

You shake your head. 'Maybe it's for the best. It's a stupid car anyway. The only reason I have it, because I got it for free.'

'Maybe that should've been a red flag. Free cars are rarely reliable.'

You scoff. Dammit, you hate it when other people are right. 'You sure you want to give me a lift?'

Walter scoffs. ‘I’m not gonna leave you in the middle of nowhere by yourself.’ He closes the hood of my car and adds to it: ‘Besides, I don’t want anything to happen to my favorite barista. You’re the only one who hasn’t messed with my cappuccino.’

You shouldn’t giggle or feel nervous, yet you do both.

‘Come on, go grab your stuff and we’ll go.’

You walk over to the driver’s side and lean over the seats to grab both the key from the ignition and your bag. Then you realize that you are wearing a pretty short skirt and your underwear is a bit on the flimsier side. You hear an approving hum from behind you. Part of you wants to die of shame, the other part however makes sure things heat up in between your thighs.

When you get out of the car and close the door, Walter has his arms crossed in front of his chest. ‘One condition, sweetheart,’ he says, taking the bag from your hand.

You frown. ‘For what?’

‘For me to give you a lift back home.’ He holds out one of his hands and says: ‘That piece of fabric you call your underwear, please.’

You blink your eyes once, twice and the universe how many times after that, mostly because you cannot believe those words—those dirty words—left his lips. His expression barely changed. It’s the emotionless look you are so used of seeing, but the words that take you by surprise.

You have had many dirty daydreams, but handing over your underwear in the middle of nowhere wasn’t one. You hook your thumbs behind the waistband of your panties and push it down your legs. When you step out of them, you hand them to Walter, who nods in approval.

The two of you walk towards the passenger’s side of his truck, when he grabs you by your hip and turns you around. With your back pressed against the door, he lets his hand slide underneath your skirt between your thighs. Your lips slightly parted, as his rough fingers knead the soft flesh of your thighs. ‘Do you have any idea how much I’ve been wanting this?’ he asks you. ‘It’s always those pretty smiles,’ he continues, ‘the way you lean over the counter in those tops with a deep neckline and how you bite your lip when you’re focused. Have you got a clue of what that does to me?’

‘No detective, I don’t,’ you whimper.

Walter smiles at your desperation, as you’re already grinding against his fingers. Fuck, he knew deep down what you could be, but this he didn’t expect. He dips in one finger, but when he discovers how wet you are, how ready you are for him, he pushes in another.

Your pleasured moan fills the emptiness around you. You’re a loud one too, Walter thinks to himself. You sure are the jackpot. His fingers brush against all the right spots. He watches your eyes rolling back, your breathing become ragged and your thighs and walls clenching together. ‘Beg for it,’ he says.

Instantly, you obey. ‘Detective, please, please, can I cum?’

There is no way you are truly real.

He barely has the change to answer, when you tumble over the edge. When you have to hold onto him since you can’t trust your own legs. When you squirt passed his fingers down your legs. The sobs and strained moans that leave your lips, make him grin in satisfaction. He roughly slams his lips against yours and within a second you melt against him.

He pulls out his fingers and without letting go of your lips for one millisecond, he opens the door of his truck. ‘They always say you are such a lovely young lady. So innocent and sweet,’ he says to you. ‘But you’ve got a dirty streak.’

You bite your lip and let out a sweet giggle when he turns you around, bending you over the passengers seat of the truck, your toes barely finding the ground. As Walter uses one hand to knead the soft flesh of your ample behind, the other unzips his pants and pulls out his cock. After pumping it a few times, he lines himself up at your throbbing cunt, before pushing himself in entirely.

The sounds that leave your lips, make him go feral. Part of him wants to take the time, worship your body and look you in the eye as you fall apart in his arms. But that part doesn’t have the upper hand now. The part that wants to destroy you, rail you, fill you is completely taking over.

There is no stopping now. Skin slapping against skin. His groans mixed with your cries of pleasure. He can feel it, your warm walls that feel so good around him, start to squeeze his hard member. ‘Detective, I’m close again,’ you wail.

‘Let it go, sweetheart,’ he tells you and on cue you start to shudder, your orgasm washing over you and that’s enough for him to reach his limits. He holds your hips tightly, probably imprinting you with some bruises, as he paints you from the inside.

He gives himself a few seconds to regain himself, before he pulls out and watches it all drip down your legs. You’re limb, barely able to stand on your legs. Your skirt is still bundled up near your waist, revealing your beautiful round bottom.

He grabs you by your arm and pulls you against his body, pressing his lips on yours. ‘You’re gonna make a mess on my seat,’ he says.

‘You’re fault,’ you mumble against his lips, only for you to earn a sharp slap on your behind. ‘Sorry, detective,’ you whisper. ‘How— Where do I sit then?’

He smiles. ‘Right on my cock as I drive you to my place, because we’re not done yet.’

✨ Okay, I'll see myself out now ✨

#walter marshall #walter marshall x reader #walter marshall smut #walter marshall drabble

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nuclear-scone · 3 years

Text

MAMMON HEAD CANON #4

Mammon cries when he’s frustrated.

Being real here, I don’t think Mammon would ever be one of those physically mad people. I think Mammon has such a will to not terrify his brothers that he holds in his anger/frustration that when he does happen to get angry/frustrated, he cries.

That’s not to say that he won’t get physical at some point. Not on his brothers but maybe his surroundings. Say, throwing things around his room because he just gets so tired of his mistreatment but has no outlet except crying when he does.

And he absolutely hates that about himself.

Mammon messes up a lot and he knows that. He’s trying his best, he really is! But, it’s just so tiring for him. It’s tiring trying to be someone he’s not. It’s tiring trying to stop being so damn clumsy all the time. It’s tiring having to go against his sin just so he can some type of affection from his family.

He’s just so tired.

HOW IT HAPPENS

Mammon had studied so hard for his test, yet why couldn’t any of the material just stick? He knew Lucifer and his brothers would find out eventually, mocking him for not getting a good grade, despite having tried his best. He regrets not taking Satan up on his offer of helping him study but it’d likely only end in failure as well, after all he was only an idiot. Thoughts began to filter through his head. ‘How could ya be so stupid!’ ‘It was such an easy thing!’ ‘All you know is how to mess up.’ ‘Ya only had ta do one thing.’ He beats himself up about it. Reprimanding himself. Scolding himself. Wishing he could be different. Wishing he could have been better. Everything would have been so different if he had just been better.

He becomes frustrated. He can feel his eyes turn warm and begin to sting. He rubs at his eyes and curses when he can feel the beginning of tears forming at the corners. He becomes even more frustrated when tears begin to flow freely down his face. ‘Stop it. Don’t cry, don’t ya dare cry now!’ He rubs at his eyes until the area around them is a flushing red. His cheeks start to sting a bit from all the rubbing once the tears start again.

He can’t take it anymore.

Out of pure anger and frustration, he grabs the nearest object and chucks it at the wall. At first comes the shock and regret from letting his emotions get the best of him, but then comes the relief. Relief on finally being able to do something. Relief that the tears had finally stopped. He just feels relief. So, he does it again. Uncoordinated and fueled by his raw emotions he begins to rain havoc on everything in his room. Tearing and ripping at his clothes, breaking expensive ornaments, shattering all the mirrors he can see, tearing open his pillows and bed. It’s a long while but once he’s done, it quiet. All he could hear was his harsh breathing and the blooding rushing to his head. He lets out a shaky breath before putting his hands to his face.

Regret. He regrets doing it.

But the relief was so overwhelming. Finally, finally he had some form of letting everything out instead of just crying and sobbing like some helpless child. It had just felt so freeing that he hadn’t given it a second thought. Now though, sitting in the middle of his room surrounded by the destructions he created he couldn’t help but cry again. He should’ve been better.

He was just glad he was home alone. After all what would Lucifer say if he caught acting like such a child? And what of his other brothers? They’d have a field day if they found out about this! He sighs. He gets up, goes to the bathroom and washes his face. Once he comes back he sets work, cleaning and disposing of everything he’s destroyed. Bags of destroyed objects begin to pile. One after the other until there’s a mountain of them. He should hurry and finish before his brothers get home.

He does manage to finish before they get home but from then on it’s a never ending cycle. Small bit of relief he had felt in that moment was intoxicating.

How could he just forget that feeling?

#obey me beelzebub #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey belphegor #obey me mammon #obey me characters #obey me headcanons #obey me! shall we date?#obey me #mammon angst #obey me demon brothers #obey me devildom

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tarotnoob · 3 years

Text

PAC: Park Jimin’s bday! What spiritual transformation(s) will you go through in this life?

I love Jimin. I can’t tell you how much, just trust me. I picked this topic for his day because I feel like he’s a perfect example of someone who goes through challenges and uses them as a catalyst for transformation.

That and he has scorpio mars/venus, so CHANGE is in his DNA (see what I did there, ahaha... ha... love you, Jiminie!)

Please choose a photo (1, 2, 3) and scroll for your message.

Pile 1: BV4 Jimin in NZ

Pile 2: 2020 MMA Black Swan Jimin

Pile 3: 2019 Muster Jimin

Pile 1

I would’ve cried if lunar eclipse came out with Pile 2. It’s always fascinating when the oracles line up with each other as Lunar Eclipse says it is “a time of seeing the light”. Basically it’s 5 of cups. It also reminds me of the doll in Squid Game.

Okay, so... this is a pile that’s not going to have it easy. I feel like there are going to be paths you go toward and no matter how much effort you put into it, it’s not going to pan out. I suppose the comfort in that is that path wasn’t meant for you, but that doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking. All of the oracles - for me - indicate a series of challenges and disappointments, but they’re meant to challenge you and bring out your character. Like your own personal Squid Game... isn’t that... uplifting to know... even though, really, why would I expect any of those characters to be moral when they ended up in their situations because of their immorality, but hey... you can’t argue with hype.

The good news is in the tarot, we have six of wands. On the one hand, this would mean that eventual success will come to you, maybe even to the degree of fame, or it’s that you do achieve a certain notoriety in life and being famous or well-known or out in the public light will also be a source of your personal challenges, despairs, insecurities, having doors shut in your face.

I”m kind of seeing this 8 of wands as a barrier and by barrier I just mean a hurdle, like watching horses jump over those... obstacles.

There’s also a lot here in the tarot about communication, especially online, and writing - so this may be a pile for people who are interested in careers as published authors, musicians, poets, artists, public speakers, etc... But to get to that dream, you’re going to have to go through a lot. It’s also possible that challenges you experience will fuel your art and then you end up sharing that with others.

I think fragmentation is a bit about our inner personalities? You know all the different sides of us and this matches up with lunar eclipse again and the idea of “phases” that are dark/light. I also see the fragmentation as the light coming through the cracks - so I see you going through, unfortunately, not just one or two low/dark/depressive phases, but... several, but each time you come out stronger and knowing who you are more than before. Kind of like a pokemon that can only evolve through a series of tough battles.

I’m sorry my analogies are so dumb for this pile.

I’m focused on this queen of swords eyes being shut which brings me back to lunar eclipse (and squid game) - you know the game where the girl bot closes her eyes and they do red light green light... but that just means, like the game, you’re going to experience a series of starts, stops, failures, restarts, etc... but in the end, the people (who survive) do end up at the finish line.

It also feels like there’s a degree of luck involved with your situations and sometimes you think it’s on you, when really it’s just bad luck. I really hate that I’m relating everything to squid game bc it’s just an okay tv series for me but there’s all kinds of obvious references in this pile, so maybe a lot of you are watching it now or just watched it or really liked it or are going/will go through similar experiences of being down on your luck. The cactus, too, makes me feel like I should tell you to prepare for battle since it’s a plant that has to rely on its reserves to live in a desert. So, you’ll have to really rely on your inner power/strength/will to push forward.

So yeah basically you’ll transform through a series of hardships in this life, BUT the universe seems to think you can handle it and it does serve a purpose, and it seems to be for two reasons: 1 to inspire a sort of art or expression that could have an affect on others 2 to prepare you for when you reach a certain level of success that you can handle the hardships that come along with that without crumbling underneath the pressure or responsibility

Any personal messages I see here, too, are... creepy squid game robot girl and there’s a hand under the table on not for you?

It makes me think of a “divine” hand or something that’s guiding you, basically all the things you go “why me why did this happen” are part of a pre-determined game plan and you’ll have to navigate your way through the challenges. Sometimes you may feel like a pawn, but I guess it’s more like, you know, you’re really the queen because you are always free to move however you like. I also want to say that some of these challenges will feel entirely unexpected and out of the blue, may even include traumatic incidents.

Right, personal messages - so like I said, I get a lot of intelligent people here, people who are good at speaking or writing or just tend to overthink and analyze before they make decisions. I see you as someone who does dream about some kind of goal that includes being famous or acknowledged, recognized. I feel like you might be impatient for this to happen. I also see - I know this is a birthday reading - but I actually feel several birthdays coming up soon, so maybe a lot of Libras and Scorpios here, so perhaps that’s also why you might soon be center of attention. I see you wanting a better life for yourself, and you may have been working on this goal for a while, feeling like it’s not ever going to come (there are cobwebs on the six of wands)... and you know, it may not come until the later part of your life bc Queen of Swords looks like she’s older, you know, so late 20s, 30s, 40s... there’s no rush to get there bc it’ll come eventually IF you persist through all of these challenges you encounter and reserve your strength for until the end like you would have to in, say, ... squid game.

I don’t need to say SQ, i should probably mention chess... I mean sq and chess are both long-term strategy games... I think that’s why qos is here, too because this is a long-term strategy game the universe is putting you through to set you up for various wins and losses, but really the tarot cards show that you will eventually succeed and triumph, so those challenges aren’t your punishments or anything, they’re challenges and some will just be natural parts of life, too, bc life is all about balance - there’s good shit and bad shit. And it’s not always about you, that’s just life, y’know... and there may be times where you compartmentalize aspects of yourself, feelings, thoughts... it might be difficult at times to see the wider perspective... but yeah like I said, even those dark parts of ourselves are just... parts of us, not good or bad, just... normal, and it all depends on how much power we give our “weaker” parts and by weaker i guess I mean low vibe moments...

and yeah I see a lot of colors around the heart and crown chakras... so probably a lot of transformation around heartbreaks... sorry. but the good news is good things will come out of it, especially if you can write a memoir that blows up. and also in this light card it talks about seeing the space between the trees which reminds me of that saying “can’t see the forest from the trees” which is a quote about perspective and seeing the bigger picture.

i feel like i’m being pretty cheeky here, but that’s bc this sounds like the type of pile i would pick and i’m like yep... thanks... that’s great, love... learning through hardships and challenges when others have it easier...

but really strong, amazing people and projects and advances come out of situations like this and maybe you’ll end up playing some type of “hero” role. and you can’t be a hero if you’re all spineless and weak, so the universe dumps on you to prepare you like a really strict and terrible parent who tells you that they’re only trying to do what’s best for you by making you practice your clarinet for 8 hours a night instead of doing what other kids get to do.

---

Pile 2

Okay, well, so this reads strongly of being in an incubatory phase. There’s a lot of cards indicating a lull, pause and also an indication that you should put focus toward details, organization, reprioritization. It’s very strong virgo energy and not just because of sixth house... peace, aloe vera, well, hermit... two of pentacles reversed also emphasizes a need for organization. Calling the storm is also about a storm coming in for a reason so that you can regain perspective and reorient, or take that time to rebuild or focus on what’s priority or what you need to build... basically I see you as the person trapped in that egg and I say trapped bc I’m a gemini with barely any earth, so no offense.

I guess I see six of cups and 2 of pentacles as indicating this being more a past energy, like... in the past you were lacking in any preparation or maybe you weren’t even prepared for something that came into your life and kind of blew things apart and now you’ve retreated back into this headspace of needing to be alone, to rethink some things and strategize. I do feel like it’s... someone who goes through a tornado, is left with a broken house, and it’s just you out there in the cornfields and then you have to rebuild the house on your own.

I FEEL like if you aren’t really a person who’s very grounded or into details or organization... it’s... a time to do that anyway. There’s really something going on if someone’s hitting you upside the head and going “bro, bro really? bro get your shit together.” Not as in you’ve been doing everything wrong, this is more like THIS IS A VERY POINTED AND SPECIFIC PHASE OF PLANNING AND STRATEGIZING. given that this is a reading about transformation, i feel like this is something you are going to have to learn in life and it even may hit you unexpectedly if you don’t learn it on your own... if you’re someone who hates being alone, if you can’t sit still, if you don’t invest in the long-term... this is something that you’re going to have to learn one way or another. or, it’s a sign that you need to slow down... the other message about sixth house has to do with health/body, so - this isn’t for everyone - but i would read this as perhaps you’ll encounter a health or medical issue (yours or someone else’s) and it’ll teach you what’s most important in life and on top of that, it’ll slow life down to a crawl so that you regain perspective... i do feel like there will come a time where you are humbled, however that may happen, you may even think quite highly of yourself and then get knocked down a peg. i feel like part of the journey is about discovering inner peace, inner calm... something i think will be extreeeeeeeeeemely difficult for this pile. bc i feel like your energy is bouncing around, i feel also this is a pile with those who might even be codependent in relationships - like you really don’t like being alone with your thoughts for too long so you’ll have to figure out how to be comfortable being alone, with yourself, being happy in your own company. and the aloe vera/restore also indicates a time of things needing to come to a stop or pause and having to restore yourself before moving forward... you’re the egg, you’re the hermit card... i’m... going to say this bc... not to scare you but the calling the storm really worries me bc i really feel like you have the potential to be blindsided bc you missed all of the signs to stop or slow down - and like i said, this could come up as a health thing or a job thing or... something that affects your daily routine in some way but obviously big issues that come up will always affect that... i also feel like - i mean it’s affected everyone - but covid would’ve had a huge affect on this pile, more than most, and may even be a pig part of your challenge, but was a necessary one bc it’s gave you a lot of time to think about things and sit with yourself even if it’s been uncomfortable... this would be a pile i’d suggest doing some inner child work, too. i feel like that’s been neglected a bit...

there is a “humble” energy to this pile so... how can i put it, it almost feels like a lot of folks who would have a north node in an earth sign when their south node was fire... or even like uhh aquarius north and leo south... any of the calmer, more “subdued” signs might be where your headed or at least a north node that would imply more structure. not bc there’s anything wrong with being full of fire and air or excess emotion... but for some reason... you need to be slowed down and given more foundation...

overall transformation stuff aside... this is a good time for people drawn to this pile to... chill, be introspective, don’t rush anything, get organized. if it hasn’t hit now, maybe it’ll hit as jupiter goes direct into aquarius on the 17th... maybe you’ve already started pulling away from people and going into that internal space... and if so, you’re right on schedule to do so. :)

or jk being in the pic threw everything off and he threw his virgo energy into the mix which tends to happen lol

---

Pile 3

it never fails. even if i threaten the other piles i’ll only take 1 card per oracle deck, pile 3 is like - but i need multiples of all and extra tarot. why do i keep taking them? i dunno bc it’s typical. it even wanted 3 of the black moon oracles and i said no, you can have the ones that flip showing the image, so i put one away and i think it was the revolution card.

so, saturn coming in strong for this pile, saturn is going direct on the 17th in aquarius. saturn return may be a thing for this pile.

these flower oracles are very interesting... both talk about how we choose to react to external situations... i’ll quote dandelion: “do you think becoming is an experience of passive emergence or a process of active transformation?” and chanterelle: “what actions do you undertake that cause disease in your life?”

and then it just hit me jimin wrote the bridge for “Dis-ease”... that’s weird.

okay my first impression is that this is a pile that’s going to have to learn how to process their internal reactions to external stimuli. this is... a pretty tough task imo bc i’m still working on this myself. this is a lot about becoming a person who’s strong enough/secure enough/loves themselves enough inside to no longer be bothered by other people who haven’t reached that same level of vibration and EVEN are secure enough to extend sympathy and understanding to such a person. imo this is the ultimate in spiritual evolution. you’d have to really achieve that perfect inner calm and when you react to someone else, even if they’re screaming in your face (which isn’t acceptable and you can stop them however) but you don’t have any real immediate reaction TO THAT and aren’t offended bc you see that the situation has nothing to do with you and is all about them and that person’s wounds and how they’re projecting onto you and even though they’re attacking you, you only see their hurt and feel sorry for them and also are even able to feel gratitude for how far you’ve come and what you have.

so just with these two flowers alone (plus you have truth and love and all these optimistic oracles plus queen of cups and world...) i see a transformation, this “becoming” being about developing an “immunity” to things that don’t matter. and that would totally involve becoming more like the queen of cups, someone who’s got a control of their emotions, who’s also sympathetic, as well. like if you’d gotten the king, i dunno, but for sure with the queen... there’s a level of empathy here, even in the face of... restrictions, i guess. and then i feel like on the simplest level, your truth is about love... and that’s not just loving others unconditionally but loving yourself as obviously you have to love yourself before you can extend that to others and no longer react to triggers.

saturn-truth and thinker go well together too bc ... this isn’t a sort of thing that can happen over night... this is... someone who’s had life experience and, tbh, this feels like someone who would have already come out on the other end of their transformation, with a pretty good spiritual alignment... even the elements are pretty balanced... you don’t have sword cards here, but thinker stands in just fine. and today for tomorrow gives me gemini vibes but when i see this card, i think more of... well i think the original meaning has to do with... sacrificing things today for the future but then that means not being able to appreciate the present. so there may be a message to that about slowing down, so you may have also been drawn to pile 2. but intuitively what i see in that card is... the struggles that come your way are to prepare you for the future. i actually get a lot of optimism from this card in this particular reading... i also see this as you taking other people’s hands and supporting them bc other people may have supported you on the way or even if you felt no one is there, you want to be someone’s future strength.

let’s get back to the black moon cards. so the truth card is equal to 3 of swords, venus is equal to the empress (i’m not making it up it’s in the guidebook). i mean it should be obvious that i feel like this pile jumped over your challenges - thought i’d say they’re probably a combination of 1 and 2 since those piles actually had those challenges come up. so my thoughts are a lot of you were drawn to 1 and 3 or 2 and 3 or if you’re already at a pretty good place spiritually, you jumped right to 3. bc to have empress and 3 of swords... you’d have to be someone who’s experienced many heartbreaks and disappointments, especially when it comes to relationship and/or work/money. You would have put a lot of time and effort and thought into understanding that hurt when it internalized, you would’ve done the shadow work on your reactions... that takes a lot of time... that’s why maybe the saturn return would come up as a possibility - you may be well into your 30s before you’re able to achieve this sort of balance or mindset, and 30 isn’t even old, that would be... quite an accomplishment to have this sort of inner peace by 30. you’d have to be jesus-level. and he was, what, 32? forget. or was he 28. hm. i thought he was the same age as kurt cobain. kurt was 27 and jesus was 30 to 34 for the record.

so yeah part of the transformation is a restriction that (to start) was placed on your heart or emotions, so the transformation will be overcoming that - whether it’s disappointment in love or people... and then doing a complete 180 and... learning to love people for those flaws, or, well it makes sense I brought up Jesus bc... I’m kind of a jesus fangirl, not bc of religious reasons bc, I feel like Jesus had a lot of self righteous rage like I do, so when he saw people being a fool, he would’ve called them out. Like, Jesus would be an online troll today, always going after bigots and stuff... he flipped tables and was awesome. That’s the sort of Jesus I admire, not bc some set of rules that magically appeared on a tablet and told us how to “behave” or what was right or wrong, but... he had principles. He wasn’t perfect, he was clearly human, here to have a human experience and a rather traumatic one at that - even though, well, we all come here to have a human experience only to DIE. we just all don’t die by crucifixion and getting stabbed with spears after being betrayed by those closest to us.

though sometimes in life it certainly feels that way. metaphorically.

and so i bring up jesus bc... you know these people hurt you, you may even know you have some type of cross to bear. it may be a very isolating and lonely journey full of heartbreaks people will never understand, you may never receive apologies or closure, the people closest to you will betray you, but you still continue to move forward AND you don’t become completely cynical and even learn to feel sympathy for others, even if they’re cruel to you.

there’s this thing in catcher in the rye that i love... i love when holden talks about whether or not judas went to hell for betraying jesus and killing himself and holden said he didn’t think jesus would let that happen but then whoever he was arguing with - i forget if it was his parents or a schoolmate or teacher - were like that’s blasphemous to say. granted, that was just the author projecting his own shortcomings and hoping for forgiveness, but i still like that idea of jesus feeling sorry for judas... bc tbh i feel sorry for judas that he was basically used as a pawn to facilitate the moment that leads to jesus’ predicted sacrifice...

my point is there’s a lot of LOVE here that springs from a really deep pain... of constantly being let down and just... yeah. but instead of being a dillhole, that you turn what you’ve learned about life into something that can spread joy or hope in a sincere way. that’s why this dandelion card makes me think of someone spreading their “seed”/message (not like that you pervs) but maybe since the empress is here and it’s all about fertility but i read this more as the birth of a message or you could create something that can spread a message of love through art or writings, but it can just be the way you choose to live your life with love. i see you as being able to become very wise and able to offer advice to those in pain...

right i didn’t even really get to the tarot yet... not for all but yeah this would be a pile of old souls. i feel like some people will chose this pile out of habit and ... i don’t want to say it doesn’t apply, that’s not nice, it probably means it’s your potential, i just personally think that it’s a long way to go in life before people achieve this and some people THINK they are like this when there’s still lots of ego attachments but that’s me projecting and nothing i see in the cards so i apologize for projecting and being cynical as i’m not at this stage. i’m probably pile 1 >.> and 2. and i’ll stress again no one is born this way... venus is emerging from this clam as a full damn adult, not to mention i think pearls are created bc pressure and mud and... it takes a lot of time. also since 6/4 is here and i think pearl is the stone for june this may have a lot of gemini or early cancers... but i already said i had gemini vibes... sun moon risiiing (and venus).

let’s look at the tarot... queen of cups, world, strength, knight of pentacles.... this is the ideal, right... with knight of pentacles, there’s a sense of being earnest, of hard work, of being dilligent and pushing through even if at times it felt like everything was moving very slowly, but it’s a very solid, reliable, will not break energy... this fits with the world, bc this is also earth energy, it’s one about cycles, it’s about creativity bc of the 3 it comes down to, it’s success, it’s the literal world, it can be had work and restrictions, karma. saturn is a very scary and intimidating planet, like... tough love.

in this particular deck when i look at the world - i see the masks on the trees as representing all kinds of people... but it could be choices or parts of ourselves, it could be the idea of how we’re all the same so things we see in other people (if they trigger us) are just reflections of who we are and next to the queen of cups, i do see this as someone who recognizes the darkest and best parts of themselves in other people but also loving people regardless of their background or where they come from bc in the universal scheme of life life, we all come from the same source. in theory. strength is strength, i usually would just say wow will power, but i’m actually reading this as the sun and how the sun keeps everything orbiting around it with its pull, but the strength card is about that inner strength so this is... someone with the inner strength to keep everything external of them going and moving together in a calming, organized way... again this is an energy that’s like... enlightened master level... i do feel a strong sense of judgment and karma... well i shouldn’t say judgment since that’s a pluto card so just karma being dished out bc knight of p guy is making this list, saturn is about karma...

so this is someone who is aware of karma and will receive the karma they’re due... but i also read this as for people who have a very specific role to play in life that will probably make them - as the kids say - a light worker? someone who learns the truth through life and spreads the truth... and by that i mean... spread light and spiritual knowledge - not in a weird cult-y way i hope but through actions and the things they create... you’ll have a lot of impact on other people and the planet as a whole, its energy, etc... i feel like what you do in this life will spread in ways way more than you even realize and then that will take root in other people and they’ll spread it too... and part of that message involves... teaching or reassuring people on... how not to react in negative ways... and that’s bc i can’t put this into words... it’s more like... pushing people in the correct direction of spiritual evolution. there are a lot of people going the wrong way but there are also a lot of people becoming more open to spirituality these days and so that message will still probably spread more than it ever has but it has to to keep up with all of the negativity in the world and to really even spread that message sincerely and have an impact, one would have to gain immunity TO that negativity. does that make sense? which is probably also why the world came up in terms of a cycle. you go through a cycle to evolve and then assist others to go through the same cycle and they assist others, blah blah

like look at the strength card. bro has an axe in his head and he’s unbothered and he’s tough and can handle anything anyone throws at him. but he’s also just in these old overalls. he’s not wearing anything fancy. there’s humility to this card. a quiet strength... but it’s a mighty strength. and the world card reminds me of the light oracle pile 1 got about looking at the spaces between trees (like that light coming through). i was going to go on a starseed rant/tangent but i’ll hold back bc all beliefs are valid, i take more issue with... those who just have an egotistical attachment to labels and a need to create some type of superiority hierarchy >.> so what i want to say is looking at the queen of cups sometimes you may feel like an “alien”, you may feel lonely, misunderstood, like you don’t belong, especially when you look around and everyone else is at each other’s throats and that can hurt your heart as well... but somehow you manage to find that balance to... empathize? i’m not at that stage yet so idk. i get the idea on principle but some people (a lot of people) really fuckin’ suck ass.

but idk, your transformation is about becoming an unbothered king/queen.

to relate it back to jimin at the end of all this, it kind of (all three piles) remind me of the evolutionary period of his life, spiritually speaking, and i can only say that as an outside observer, someone who doesn’t know him personally at all. but i feel like he went through pile 1 as a stage, pile 2, and will achieve pile 3 or is at least on to that stage bc i feel like anyone who is THAT much at the level of being in the spotlight will have their journey escalated? which is probably why the pressure becomes too great for some celebrities... i feel like well it’s obvious that being a celebrity would bring out a lot of insecurities or negative behaviors or coping mechanisms, especially at a young age and then as you get older, you have to learn how to cope with those internal feelings while also learning not to be bothered by the external. and that’s not just celebrities, that’s all of us, that’s maturation and age, it’s just that like i said, a celebrities internal process for that is way thrown off or accelerated bc their challenges/restrictions are way more intense than someone not under that pressure. i mean, some celebrities are just douchebags like any person can be... i think jimin is a good person who went through various phases that were kind of like an internal conflict of this is who i am vs this is how people see me or this is how i feel i need to act and then everything else that goes with being an idol and becoming an adult, etc...

i’d be very excited if pile 3 is his final evolution. i’d like for the people i respect and care about to be happy, for sure... so i’d like if he went from a queen of swords energy to a queen of cups... that was longer than the other piles. that seems unfair, but... “so whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat”

#tarot #pick a card #park jimin #birthday #spiritual transformation #destiny #bts #jimin #jimtober #spirituality #astrology #spiritual advice #tarot reading

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hikarimiyanaga · 3 years

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The Dimitrescu Ladies and Donna Beneviento with their S/O who is a Reaper.

Requested by the lovely @kristieray

A/N:

I don't know if this makes sense but I just love the idea that there are many reapers out there. So Reader is not alone in being a reaper.

She also has typical Reaper powers and a scythe as a weapon.

Alcina Dimitrescu / Lady Dimitrescu

You were a free-spirited reaper. Most of the other reapers get annoyed at you because sometimes you make the job more interesting.

You get to the village to guide a soul when a certain giant lady got your attention. You gulp as your eyes follow her.

"Y/N!" Your fellow reaper sighs at you. "Stop staring at the giant lady with no soul and guide this one!" The ghost waves at you and you nod.

You guide the ghost to the afterlife and come back to the village. It was weird. Seeing someone with no soul whatsoever. Souls are what makes a human human. If they have no soul? Are they even considered as one?

You roam the Castle and got even curious of the Giant lady. She could tower over you.

"Who goes there?" You hum as Alcina appears before you. She seems so lifelike yet so dead. As if she was on a time still. You decide to appear before her and she gets taken aback.

"No need for any trouble. Lady. I'm just curious."

"Of what, exactly?" You smile at her.

"Of you."

Ever since then, observing Alcina has been your past time. Most of the other Reapers knew that the Village has been designated to you since you kept coming back to it.

You keep roaming the halls and sometimes even play pranks on Bela, Cassandra and Daniela.

Ray, one of your friends who is also a reaper can't believe that you actually are falling for a non-human. You just shrug at her.

You and Alcina become closer as you spend more time together.

The real test came when Ethan and BSAA came to the village. So many souls were wandering around. You quickly phone Ray so she could help the souls and you quickly came to Bela's rescue.

You push her behind you and quickly used your powers to repair the window. One of the reaper's perks.

"Ethan Winters! Don't you dare take another shot!" You state, anger fueling your body. "Don't you dare hurt her."

Ethan is actually trembling as you take another step towards him.

"I know where Rose is. I know how hard it can be to lose a child." You sigh. You've witness too many deaths, heard too many cries. So can anyone really blame you if you try to sometimes cope? To sometimes at least laugh?

You hold out your hand to him. "I'll help you get her back so just stop killing everyone I love."

"What are you?" He asks as he accepts your hand and stand.

"A reaper." You brandish your scythe and Ethan gulps. You ultimately made the four lords and the three Dimitrescu daughters leave the village.

You knew how Ethan would die if you weren't here. You assured them and even kissed Alcina as good measure.

You came back with Ethan all bloodied up but you both survived.

You were scolded and punished but it was well worth it.

You spend more time with Alcina and the girls.

You haven't officiated it but when you show up to work wearing a necklace with a ring on it, well everyone knows who it came from.

Donna Beneviento

Being a reaper can be such a downer. Every day, you witness a death. Every day, you have to guide a soul to the afterlife.

You only stumbled upon the Beneviento house accidentally. You have a curious streak to you that some of the Senior Reapers actually scold you for.

The first time you see Donna, you were curious not only of her abilities to control dolls but also her veil.

You keep observing her and visiting her till one day, you see her take off her veil.

You were surprised, because she was just so beautiful? Why would she wear a veil?

"Who's there?" She asks and you didn't realize that you materialized. You land on the ground and smile at her.

"My name's Y/N. I'm just a curious reaper."

"Reaper?" You nod. You look at Angie and realize.

"Your soul is embedded in them."

"What?" You tilt your head. You thought she knew but apparently she didn't.

"This doll. And all the other dolls? A small part of your soul is embedded in them." You hum. "That's amazing." Donna blushes under her veil.

Ever since then, you visit Donna and Angie whenever you have your day off. Sometimes even when you should be working, you'd stop by for a quick glance at her.

One day, you had a rough day. There was an incident, one that took many lives. Too many souls who cried for their loved ones.

You get inside the Beneviento house and Donna perks up upon seeing you but you didn't have the usual vigor.

You don't tell her what happened but just hug her instead. You try not to cry at her shoulder as she rubs your back.

You don't tell anyone but she became the light at the end of the day.

So to no one's surprise, you asked her to become yours.

Bela Dimitrescu

You were friends with the grand chambermaid of the castle. She saw you once, guiding a maiden that was hunter down.

So once in a while, you visit her. Still concerned over an old friend.

Bela caught your eye when she was reading about your job. Being a reaper.

You hum as she turns the pages then scoff. You materialize right beside her and she yelps in surprise.

"This is bullshit!" You say as you take the book. "Even we don't know why we're chosen! Chosen ones my ass." You grumble.

You sigh. And Bela stands. "Are you a reaper?" You nod.

"Don't worry, I'm not here to take anyone's soul or something like that. Just visiting an old friend."

"An old friend?" You nod. She looks at the book then gets her journal and pen.

"If you don't mind then, I really would like to differentiate facts from fiction." You smile at her curiousity.

It was the start of a friendship between you and the oldest daughter.

You would visit her every chance you can get while Bela is always excited to wait for you.

One day, you see the three Dimitrescus hunting down a maiden and you sigh.

"So you guys are the main reasons why girls are always the ones who are mostly dead around here." Bela blushes as you materialize out of nowhere.

She splutters as she tries to find excuses but you just pat her head and smile sadly. "Must be hard."

She nods and you hug her. You don't tell her with words but you hope your actions are enough. That she'll know.

One day, when you gather your courage, you ask Bela out on a date.

And one day as well, when you've noticed how much you've fallen, you propose to her.

Cassandra Dimitrescu

You were just a wandering reaper. Hoping that you won't come across a soul in needing of guidance to the afterlife.

One night, you see a blur of bugs pass you. You then sense that a soul was nearby. Did that blur just killed someone?

You follow your senses and your guess was right. Only that blur is now a girl and carrying the body of the soul. You guide the soul to the afterlife.

By then, you were intrigued by Cassandra. Something about her just triggers your curiosity.

You keep observing her. Her hobbies, her interest and you were amazed by her paintings.

One day, when you thought she was asleep. You materialize as you admire her painting.

"Who are you!?" She asks as she wields her sickle and you just raise an eyebrow at her.

"Look, I like you a lot but don't even try. I'm too tired and would like to just admire your paintings." Your honesty made her blush.

Ever since then, you would materialize when you visit her and she would look forward to showing off her paintings and drawings to you.

One day, Cassandra was all fidgety and shy. You hum as you materialize. Was something wrong?

"I would like to paint you." She says and you can't help but smile as you nod.

People rarely look forward to meeting you or the other reapers. And those who claim they do are either lying or just too tired.

Each visit with Cassandra was fun, you say random facts about being a reaper and she chimes in things about being a witch.

Before the painting was even finished. The both of you have made it official.

And you look forward to seeing her as much as she looks forward to seeing you.

Daniela Dimitrescu

You were guiding a soul of a maiden when Daniela sees you. She thought you were trying to steal a maiden.

She tried to attack you and the maiden so you brandish your scythe to stop her.

She freezes as she admires your weapon and you raise an eyebrow at her. How did she even see you?

You knew some creatures can naturally see reapers, even some humans can. You shake your head and guide the soul as planned.

You got curious of her so you went back to the castle. You explored as you didn't see her at first.

"Boo!" She tried to surprise you, she really did, but as a reaper, your senses are heightened, so you can sense her presence from a mile away. You just turn to her.

"So you really can see me?"

"Yeah? Doesn't everyone?" You shake your head.

"Not unless they're dead. People typically don't want to see me or my co-workers."

"Co-workers?" You smile.

"You didn't think that I'm the only reaper around, right?"

She drags you to the library and you tell her many stories.

Stories that you heard. Stories that you've experienced. Things that you've seen.

And every single time, she was just amazed.

In return, she tells you about the books she loves. The family she would do anything for.

Alcina, her mother that may be strict and busy sometimes but still protective and warm all the same.

Bela, the eldest who always scolds her for her antics but still listens to some of her ramblings.

And Cassandra, the middle child whom she's competitive with, whom would always treat her as an equal.

There was just something about her while she talked about her family that you kiss her.

She was surprised at first but kisses back nonetheless.

You pull away with a smile and she does the same.

You bask in her presence then kiss her forehead.

"I do hope I'll see you more often now." You laugh at her statement and agree.

You'll visit the castle more often just for her.

A/N:

I am so sorry this took so long.

I've been having headaches for the past few days and I tried everything to chase them away.

I'm feeling a bit better now.

Comments and thoughts are always welcome!

Thank you for reading!

#alcina dimitrescu x reader #donna beneviento x reader #bela dimitrescu x reader #cassandra dimitrescu x reader #daniela dimitrescu x reader #re #re fanfic #resident evil village

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

Text

DIWK - Chapter ten: "Set me free my honey bee"

Word count: 11,6K

Summary: Let's jump 19 months in time and see how painful it has turned for reader and Spencer to hide their feelings for each other. JJ leaves the team, and a new member joins the BAU.

Warnings: Angst and hurt. Fools being assholes. Cursing, of course. Mention of CM cases and spoilers on S06E11.

A/N: Please don't hate me. Just remember things usually look like the shit before they get worst, and then everything is better. I hope.

Masterlist

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(Y/N)'s point of view

Time is a weird thing. I remember when I was in school and time didn't pass fast enough. Semesters were eternal. It felt it had been years by the time summer vacation arrived. The complete opposite happened to me at the BAU. Suddenly, time passed too quickly. A whole year and a half went by in the blink of an eye.

I told Spencer about it, and he sent me a paper published by Professor Adrian Bejan that presented an argument based on the physics of neural signal processing. He hypothesizes that, over time, the rate at which we process visual information slows down, and this is what makes time 'speed up' as we grow older.

My answer was that I thought it happened 'cos as we grew older, we did things that actually gave us joy, which made us feel the time was passing faster than before. So we argued a whole Saturday afternoon about it and created our own theories for that event.

My theory was my personal favorite, 'cos it was the only one that could easily explain why so much time had passed in the BAU, and it felt like it had been just a few weeks.

It hadn't been easy, though. Those nineteen months had been filled with some of the worst situations we had been through as a team.

After I got shot, JJ finally admitted her relationship with Will and got pregnant. That was shocking, the first BAU baby: Henry.

Sadly, Henry was the only little good thing that happened that year. Because to sum it up, a bunch of awful shit happened to all of us: Hotch was in a car explosion that almost killed him. Spencer and Prentiss got trapped in an undercover mission into an underground cult to investigate child abuse, and Emily was beaten up pretty badly. Also, Spencer got infected with anthrax and nearly died. That was probably the most agonizing moment I had lived since the whole Tobias Hankel situation two years earlier.

Also, that year Prentiss had to investigate the case of the death of one of her best friends, and I was in a pretty nasty fight with an unsub that got me out of the field for three weeks. Not to mention, Spencer was shot in the leg.

Hotch was stabbed by the only unsub that has actually won against the BAU: Foyet. He attacked Aaron and got on the lose for months, but we all knew his next move as torture Hotch's family. That's why his ex-wife Haley and his little son Jack had to go into protective custody, and he couldn't see them for months while we tried to catch Foyet.

Things didn't go as planned. And without a doubt, the worst moment that year was the day Haley died. Foyet killed her, and Aaron lost it. He literally killed him with his bare hands the moment he got him. For a solid week, I was sure Aaron Hotchner wouldn't be the unit chief anymore. Strauss actually opened an investigation related to everything that happened that day. But in the end, somehow, she understood the "bloodbath" that had happened in that house was all in Foyet's hands.

However, there's no way to deny that the whole team had changed in many ways after that year. The concept of being a family was now more present than ever. After chasing Foyet for months, we were all onto him as if he was chasing our own family, because he was.

You don't work this kind of job with a team like mine and don't get attached to them. And this goes beyond how in love I was with Spencer. The (Y/N) who first stepped into the BAU, scared to show her true self, was long gone. And despite my deepest fears, letting them in and showing them who I really was had been one of the smartest decisions I have ever made.

Do you want to know which was my stupidest decision? Falling in love with Spencer Reid. It hadn't actually been my choice. I just didn't fight the feeling either. I don't think I could have even if I tried, though. Those nineteen months brought us so close, my mom thought we were living together, and the teasing from our friends was so common we weren't even affected by it.

For Christ Sakes, even Strauss thought we were dating! She forced us to attend a seminar on fraternization, concerned after she realized we always took our vacation together. We had a lot of fun trips, though. First, we visited his mom and had an amazing weekend in Las Vegas. Then we took a few days off after the anthrax incident and went to Hawaii. Picture Spencer Reid in an "all-inclusive," drinking all the coffee and eating all the pastries possible while reading a million books underneath an extra-large umbrella. We had fun that week, did some local touring, but most of all, sleeping in and relaxing. Spencer hates the beach but got those tickets anyway.

Did everybody think we were a couple? Yes

Did it help that we shared rooms, 'cos we were already used to it? No

Did it feel like a honeymoon without sex? Yes

Could I stop thinking about sex with Spencer? No.

And all that led us to the nightmare our relationship was going to become.

Penelope Garcia was drunk. She kept pouring shots and pushing them to us. Emily was wasted as well. But she kept acting like the classy lady she is. Not like JJ. My poor baby had mascara smeared under her eyes after crying for like an hour.

We found out she was leaving the team, and it was a hard blow on us. And by hard, I mean the worst thing that had ever happened to us. We had suffered without JJ when she was on maternity leave. And we struggled without her. Now knowing the Pentagon had taken her away from the BAU was torture.

We had a goodbye party for her at Rossi's, but this was our goodbye girl's night, and neither of us was holding anything back.

We had cried, we had sung sad songs. We drank all the champagne, wine, and vodka we could find. And now, holding our tequila shots, we knew it was time to call it a night.

- "I just love you girls so much,"- JJ whispered, crying- I don't wanna work without you.

- "Boo, come here!!"- I opened my arms and wrapped them around my friend, kissing the top of her hair a few times- "I love you too, and you are going to come back so soon you won't have time to miss us. You'll see. Papa Rossi and Dada Hotch are gonna fix everything."

I was drunk. Seriously drunk. But that wasn't the reason why I was so sweet with JJ. The truth is, I was broken-hearted. Like Penelope and Reid, I didn't manage change very well, and the fact that JJ was forced to leave made me feel frustrated and mad. But most of all, it made me think of every time I had been a little bitch with her during the years. And I regretted each one of them.

- "And we won't be far!"- Emily added and caressed JJ's arm, smiling kindly- "You will still be in town, and we will not leave you alone"- JJ chuckled and nodded.

- "I know, girls. Shit, I love you all so much!"

- "We love you too!"- Penelope sobbed and moved closer, wrapping the three of us in her arms.

- "Please, take care!"- JJ wiped off the tears from her eyes and looked at us- "Emily, don't do anything stupid! Don't rush in the field, and please don't take your fucking vest off!!"

- "I won't! I promise!"

- "You have to live to be Unit chief one day!"- JJ added, and Prentiss widened her eyes, shocked.

- "That's not really my gold."

- "But you'd be queen, baby!!"- Jareau added and turned to Penelope- "And you, please make sure Hotch eats. I kept a stack of granola bars on my desk to keep him fueled during the day. He usually forgets lunchtime and skips dinner, so..."

- "Don't worry, JJ,"- Penelope nodded, and we all felt our heartbreak a little thinking about all the things JJ did in her daily basics to take care of the team, and we didn't even know.

- "How are we going to survive without you?"- I mumbled, pouting. JJ chuckled and held my hand.

- "You are a rock, and you will do a fantastic job keeping this team together. Just, please, can you and Spencer start dating now?"

I wide opened my eyes and stared at JJ. The comment surprised me. I shouldn't, 'cos the whole "you and Spencer should start dating" joke was getting old. Only this time, JJ wasn't joking. She held both my hands and looked right into my eyes.

- "(Y/N), he loves you"- I was about to argue with her, but she covered my mouth with her Cheetos smelling hand.

- "Don't say a word! Spencer loves you so much you really must be blind not to see it. And I know you love him too. It's implied in all the little things you do for him every day. So don't take it for granted. Don't think this will last forever 'cos look at me! A week ago, I was happily working at the BAU, and now I'm drinking at my goodbye party! So don't waste any more time! You are in love with Spencer, and he loves you! It doesn't take a profiler to see it. So please! Act on it!"

There was a dramatic silence after. I didn't know how to break it. I could just joke around, but somehow, it didn't feel right. It had been too quiet for too long, and that made everything harder to deny. Finally, Emily put her hand on mine, just like JJ was still doing, and smiled at me.

- "There's nothing to be ashamed of, (Y/N). You are not the first person to fall for her best friend."

- "And the Junior G Man loves you so much,"- Penelope added, landing her hand on our hands too.

- "As his friend"- I corrected and sighed. I guess that was it. After three years, I could probably start facing my feelings in front of my friends.

- "No, (Y/N)"- Garcia tried to argue, but I shook my head and stood up, 'cos all that sudden attention and affection was bothering me.

- "PG, I was in Hawaii with the man, sharing a room, walking around in a bikini, and he didn't do anything."

- "That's because he is shy!"- Emily excused him right away.

- "My bikini leaves pretty much nothing to the imagination. Do you know what he said when he first saw me on it?"- I looked at my friend and poured us another round of tequila- "And I quote, "I don't think I brought enough books. This one is too interesting."

I air quoted with my fingers as we spoke, and the three of them looked at me, speechless. I made my point and drank my shot, feeling the alcohol burning down my throat. My friends opened their mouths but didn't produce a word. I sighed and looked at them.

- "But he hates the beach, and he took you there anyway,"- Emily pointed out

- "Did he give you his speech about how he hates sandy food?"- JJ asked me, and I chuckled, nodding.

- "And about pink skin, limited and unengaging topography, and of course, the real reason he hates the beach: drug-resistant bacteria spread by seagull feces."

- "And the man took you to the beach!"- Penelope argued.

- "But he didn't do anything! he didn't make his move, didn't even hold my hand!!"- I nearly shouted- "That's why, among a lot of reasons, is how I know Spencer is not interested in me! If only I'd tell you all the shit we've been through!"

- "Please!! Tell us!!"- Garcia begged and grabbed one of my legs- "I won't live another day 'cos I won't be able to deal with the mystery!"

- "No! 'cos you are gonna tell Morgan"- I slurred- "And he is going to embarrass and tease my honey bunny, and my honey bunny is gonna get all nervous and nervous around me, and we are never going to..."- I stopped talking and looked at my friends. I was sharing too much.

- "(Y/N)?"- Prentiss looked at me, but I just shook my head and looked down.

- "I think I better go home."

- "No, you can't drive like this,"- JJ argued immediately and held my hand- "I'm not gonna let you go intoxicated. Will is gonna come pick me up, and we'll drop you in your place."

I nodded at her and stayed still. My friends smiled at me, and slowly very slowly, I leaned on JJ's shoulder and rested my head on it.

- "I love you, boo,"- I whispered, and she giggled- "I don't think I'll stay sane without you there with us anymore."

- "Hotch is gonna manage to get her back,"- Penelope assured me, and I just nodded.

- "Meanwhile, we won't replace you, and if anyone tries to push someone new into the team, we are not gonna take them,"- I added, feeling JJ's hand holding mine.

- "Don't be mean with people just 'cos you miss me. If there's a new teammate, it won't be their fault I was pushed out of the BAU."

- "But, JJ,"- I tried to argue, but she shook her head right away.

- "No, (Y/N). You can't be mean to people just because."

Clearly, my friend hoped I could be the better person. The simple question was: did I want to be the better person? Right there, drunk and sad, the answer was no.

Spencer's point of view

I kept finding myself awake at four in the morning, walking around my apartment, not able to read or to write anything. For the last months, at least twice or three times each week, I would stay awake, no matter how tired I felt, and I would haunt my own apartment, listening to my vinyl records.

The sudden lack of sleep wasn't really something weird in me. I have always been nocturnal. Besides, the news of JJ's departure had hit us all pretty hard. I had already shared my share of tears and tried to manage the fury that caused me to know we were helpless to the government's decisions. There was nothing we could do, neither us, Hotch, or even Strauss. Not that she would if she could.

My family was in crisis, and all we could do was hope for the best and stay together.

It was scary losing JJ. It made me think of all the things that could go wrong every day on the field daily. It was bad that we could get hurt or even die on our work. But that they divided us that way made no sense. Like Rossi said: our loss was someone else's winning, and in the FBI, no one cared if we lost.

I poured myself a cup of herbal tea and inhaled the smell of it. It smelled like home. Like (Y/N). She had some of her favorite teas in my apartment. She had a bunch of all her things there, actually. When mom visited, she thought we were living together. She is still sure we are dating and that I don't wanna tell her. I don't longer argue with her about it. It's useless, and it somehow feels good to imagine in another world. It was actually true.

That year my feelings for my best friend had grown in a way that made it all more difficult to deal with. I didn't just love her. I was in love with her. She was in everything I did, in each and every one of my thoughts. I could hear her laughter in my head, like a record playing my favorite song over and over again.

When she was out there in the field, I couldn't stop running all the probabilities of her getting hurt, and most of the time, I would do my best to keep her safe, knowing it could somehow interfere with the case.

Hotch had called me to his office a few times, aware something was going with me. He could read it on my face, I guess. It was scary to know everybody could read my feelings for (Y/N) but her. And it was sad to think of the worst: that she knew how much I loved her, but she didn't feel the same, and she was just being my friend 'cos she was never going to be anything else but my friend.

I drank my tea and hummed the song that sounded in my house at four in the morning: Love is a losing game. Seemed pretty accurate for my mood. I remember the day I got that vinyl. We were out with (Y/N), Frank, and Lu, looking for a present for Mikey's birthday, and we ended up in a record store, getting a million vinyl records for ourselves.

- "Are you getting all those?"- (Y/N) asked me and looked at the seven albums in my hand.

- "Yes, why? I can't?"- I answered and raised an eyebrow.

- "Sassy!"- she giggled and grabbed them- "You can get all the albums you want. But I have to give my approval first. No, you are not getting this!"- she grabbed The Beatles' Revolver and left it aside.

- "What? Why? It's only one I need to complete my collection."

- "I know, but when you get it, you'll force me to listen to it, and I don't like the Beatles,"- she argued, and I just shook my head, taking the album again.

- "Sorry, chipmunk, I'm buying it."

- "Fine. I won't go to your house for the next couple of weeks then."

- "Why don't you tell me which album you wanna listen to when you are in my house then?"- I looked at her, smiling at me and looking for a record on the shelves.

- "This! You need some Amy in your life."

And I did. Now, at four in the morning, all alone walking around, I could see her in my apartment, singing along to her favorite songs while cooking dinner, feeling at home. I wished she was there, with me, doing nothing. Watching tv, or reading. Just hanging out. I knew it wasn't healthy being in love with my friend, seeing her every day, and also hanging out with her every chance I got. But even when I knew she was never going to love me the way I did, I was going to take every chance I had to enjoy her company. If that was all I was going to get.

My phone took me from my thoughts, and I quickly walked to my room to get it. I thought it was Hotch announcing a case, but it was JJ.

- "Hey! JJ, everything ok? Is Henry ok?"

- "Yes, hi Spence. We are all ok."

- "It's four in the morning."

- "Sorry I woke you up... I just..." - she made a pause and sighed at the other side of the line- "Spencer, you know I love you."

- "I love you too. You are one of my best friends. Is everything ok?"

- "Yes, I just wanted to... remember a bunch of years ago, when you asked me to that football game?"

A million years had passed since the one and only time I had asked JJ out. It was the only move I tried to do on her, and I failed incredibly. It was awkward, and she had no idea it was a date, so she invited Garcia to come along. I was so embarrassed I never even mentioned that single event ever again, and our friendship grew after.

- "Yes, I remember, JJ. Why?"

- "When you asked me out, did you have a crush on me?"

- "JJ, are you drunk?"- I had to ask 'cos that conversation was starting to scare me.

- "Yes, but that's not why I'm talking about this. Just answer the questions, Spence. When you asked me out on that date, did you have a crush on me?"

- "Yes, I did."

I closed my eyes, embarrassed to face feelings that were far forgotten.

- "You see, I had a crush on you too back then,"- JJ said and chuckled- "But neither of us acted on it, and life continued, and now I'm in love with Will, and we have a baby, and you are his godfather."

Of all the things I thought I would listen to that day, never in a million years, I imagined I would hear JJ drunk telling me she had a crush on me when we first met.

- "Now, do you want that to happen again?"- she asked, and I didn't get it, 'cos I was still trying to process what I had just heard. So I might have had a relationship with her if only I had said something, act on it. Kiss her, ask her out again?

- "What?"

- "Spence. Do you want to miss the chance to be with the girl you like?"

- "No, but JJ, what are you talking about?"

She sighed, frustrated, and used that tone of voice with me, that very maternal specific tone of voice she used to explain things she knew were hard for me to follow.

- "When you like someone, Spence, you have to tell her. 'Cos sometimes, life gets in the way, and if you don't do what you have to do to be happy, no one will do it for you."

- "Are you ok, JJ?"

- "Yes, Spence, I'm ok. I'm home with Will. We just got here after dropping (Y/N) off her place."

- "How was she?"

- "She might have had a few too many drinks, but she'll be ok in the morning. Maybe she'd appreciate it if you brought her coffee and donuts."

- "She doesn't like donuts,"- I corrected her- "She likes cupcakes and brownies."

- "Sorry. Coffee and cupcakes... just tell her you love her, Spence. She deserves to know."

I held my breath and closed my eyes. I didn't get why JJ was telling me that, but I knew I didn't want to talk about it. So I said good night and hung up.

What was the point of telling me we could have been a couple of years had passed already? Why didn't she say a thing before? Or even better, why didn't she ever say a word about it at all? So I missed the chance to be happy with her. Great. One more regret to add to my list.

I laid on my bed and tried to remember that date. I was so nervous that day, my hands shook inside my pockets as I walked to JJ's door. She looked beautiful that day, especially when she looked at me and announced she had invited Penelope to join us.

That was when I realized she would never see me as a proper date, just like a friend. And I learned to make my peace with that over the years. My crush for JJ lasted a few more months, but it vanished when I fell for (Y/N). What if she had never joined the team? Would I have been in love with JJ forever? Jeniffer always made me feel like her little brother, and I guess that's the mechanic that works for us. We were good friends ever since we met, and yes, I had a crush on her, but we work more like siblings than anything else.

What was the point in telling me I had missed a chance with her now? I just couldn't see it.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The next few weeks were us trying to survive without JJ. The team was making the best it could, but it was hard. Penelope took the lead during the second case without JJ. She turned into our tech analyst and communication liaison, only to collapse under the pressure of having two roles.

No one was going to replace JJ. We all knew it. Literally, no one, 'cos Hotch decided he and Garcia were going to split the job, and we were all going to collaborate as much as we could, 'cos we were a team. A family. And that's what families do.

And families were the target of the unsub we were hunting the day everything changed. Again. I hadn't recovered from the departure of JJ when Rossi and Hotch walked to the bullpen and introduced us to Agent Trainee Ashley Seaver.

My nemesis.

- "Agent trainee Seaver"- Rossi smiled at her like a proud father and looked at us as we stood up, wondering who she was- "Supervisory Special Agent Prentiss, (Y/L/N), and Morgan."

- "I've heard so much about the three of you,"- she said with the sweetest tone of voice I had ever heard. Something about that felt odd.

- "I hope it is all good- Morgan flirted right away, of course."

- "Very, sir."

- "Anything specific? I mean about me in particular?"- I turned to him and failed in holding back my chuckles.

- "Please, don't encourage him, or he will never stop talking,"- I said, and Derek elbowed me playfully. Seaver smiled at us and even blushed a little bit. She was nervous.

- "Agent Seaver is on loan to us from the academy while she is remedial training with an injury."

Hotch announced. And my stomach tightened right away. There was something wrong with that whole scene. I could feel it in my guts. But I didn't know why?

- "Concussion. Hand to hand got a little out of control."- Seaver explained and kept a silly smile on her face.

- "How's the other guy?"- Prentiss asked.

- "Don't ask."

- "I was remediated in the academy also,"- Spencer said, walking over us, and suddenly I understood why I had a bad feeling about everything.

- "Agent Seaver, Dr. Reid."

As soon as I heard Rossi say those words, there was a part of me who just wanted to hold Spencer's hand and push him away from her, even before they could say hi. She looked at him like he was eye candy, and I clenched my knuckles as I stared at the scene.

- "Uhm... What was your issue?"- she asked him, and I could see the pink on her cheek intensifying as he looked at her, confused.

- "What was my issue? Marksmanship, physical training, obstacle course, Hogan's alley. You know, pretty much everything that wasn't technically book related. They ultimately had to make exceptions to allow me into the field."

Seaver stared at him and kept nodding, though I wondered if she was listening to what he had said. Spencer looked exceedingly handsome that day. His hair was very short for the first time in years, and he still had no idea how to comb it, so it was all over the place, making him look as hot as fuck.

I was so in love with him, I didn't know what to do with those feelings at all. It was hard working with Reid at that point. I just wanted to kiss him.

- "Agent Seaver's going to accompany us to New Mexico,"- Aaron announced, and I couldn't help but question him right away.

- "She is?"

- "As a consultant."- he assured me.

- "On?"- Morgan raised an eyebrow and looked at Hotch, wondering what a trainee agent could help us with as a consultant.

- "She has a unique perspective,"- Rossi tried to explain, but it sounded like bullshit.

- "They don't know?"- Seaver turned to the elderly agents, and they shook their heads.

- "Well, we weren't sure how you wanted to,"- David whispered.

- "Uh... Seaver's not my original last name. It's my mother's maiden name. Mine used to be Beauchamp. My father is Charles Beauchamp"- Ashley was supposed to explain the circumstances of her consultancy to the whole team, but she just looked at Spencer as she spoke.

- "As in the Redmond ripper, Charles Beauchamp?"- he asked her, and suddenly, it clicked. It was like my whole body was telling me I couldn't be close to her for a reason.

- "That's him,"- she whispered and kept her eyes on my best friend as he continued talking.

- "He killed 25 women over 10 years in rural North Dakota. I think that you caught him, right, Rossi?"- and David nodded.

- "Hotch was on that team, too."

- "Based on her life experience, we were hoping that agent Seaver might recognize something in the family dynamics inside the community that could be helpful. We have a plane waiting,"- Hotch announced and looked at us, but none of us said a word.

I kept my eyes glued at my feet the whole time Aaron talked. Then, Spencer nodded and walked with Seaver and Rossi out to the hangar. I couldn't even blink. I think I was in shock.

- "Her father was a serial killer?"- Prentiss asked Hotch, not getting what he was thinking.

- "That's definitely a different set of parameters,"- Morgan added. Neither of them was sold on the idea, which made me feel a little bit better.

- "I don't want her presence to get us sidetracked. It's a long shot that she's gonna see anything helpful. We work it like any other case,"- Hotch was clear, and Prentiss and Morgan nodded.

- "You got it."

But I disagreed with that.

- "(Y/N), is everything ok?"- Aaron asked me, and I tried my best to lie and be cool.

- "Yeah, I'm ok."

- "Ok. We work this like any other case. Wheels up in twenty."

But everything was far from being ok.

I sat next to Spencer on the jet, and we reviewed the case files together. Hotch briefed us, and we all pretended it wasn't weird having Seaver there. And I guess we had to pretend it wasn't odd knowing her dad was a serial killer.

- "You are very young, (Y/N),"- she said and smiled at me. She was sitting across from Spencer and me, and you could tell she had been trying to join the conversation for a few minutes now.

-" Twenty eight,"- I answered and looked at the files again.

- "And you, doctor?"

- "You can call me Reid. I'm twenty eight too,"- Spencer cut her a short, awkward, and nervous smile, and I turned to him.

- "Honey, did I leave my Mets jersey at your house?"- it was the only question that came to my mind at that minute. It was completely random, but somehow it showed a part of our dynamic that Ashley didn't know. Our friendship. Our closeness.

- "Yes, I found it last night,"- he answered and sipped his coffee- "I was gonna bring it over, but then I remembered you always borrow all my sweaters when you are home or when you stay over, so I thought maybe it was a good idea to keep it at my place."

- "I don't know, Batsy. It's my favorite sweatshirt- I raised an eyebrow, and I'm pretty sure I even flirted a little bit."

- "So? You need to keep one there."

- "But I like wearing your clothes when we are at your place. It's extra large and extra comfy."

- "Is that why you keep taking my sweaters back to your house?"- he asked and chuckled- "Last Sunday, I found four of my sweaters in your closet."

- "Sorry, I'm not even sorry,"- I said and laughed- "And what were you doing in my closet?"

- "Lucy, Ricky, can we focus on the case?"- Morgan asked and waved at us with one silly grin on his face- "We love hearing your adorable daily adventures, but we've got a psycho killer to catch."

Spencer blushed and flustered right away. I stuck out my tongue at Morgan and just shook my head. The way Seaver looked at Reid was still driving me nuts, but I felt I had shown her he was mine, childishly.

It's embarrassing to think that's not the most childish thing I did around her those days. Or in the weeks to follow. But I didn't like Ashley, and I didn't want her around my team. And it wasn't just her constant flirting with Spencer. It was the fact her father had killed my mother's sister when she was in college, and I was making my best effort to keep that fact aside from work. My personal life had to stay out of the FBI, especially when working a case.

I had to do some serious mental work trying to remember it wasn't Ashley's fault her father was a sick bastard. She hadn't hurt my family, and her father had ruined her life too. It wasn't her fault.

But one thing is knowing. Another thing is being rational about it. Spoiler: I wasn't so rational about it.

- "So, (Y/N). Do you like working at the BAU?"- Ashley asked me and looked at me through the rearview mirror. We were in the SUV, and Prentiss was driving. I was in the back seat, trying to ignore her, but she made it impossible.

- "Yes, very much,"- I answered and nodded, not taking my eyes from the window.

- "Everybody is very friendly,"- Seaver added and made a pause. I don't know if she wanted me to say something or if she was trying to find a way to say what she wanted to say.

- "Yes, they are,"- I humored her, and she quickly responded.

- "Are you and Spencer dating?"- I could feel the blood raising my cheeks as she spoke. And Prentiss flashed me a look through the mirror as Ashley continued talking.

- "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. I just wondered because of the fraternization policy."

- "Right. Sure. Of course."

Those three words were meant to let Ashley know I wasn't buying her bullshit, So I literally spit them.

- "Spencer is my best friend. We are not dating."

Facing that simple truth had never been harder before, especially after how I saw Ashley's face light up.

- "You just seem to be so close."

- "Oh, they are close,"- Emily smiled at me and winked- "They are so close, they sometimes freak us out."

- "We freak you out?"- I raised an eyebrow and carefully hit her arm, pretending to be upset. But honestly, I was glad she was teasing me.

- "I am just saying, we are all pretty suspicious about you two. I am actually surprised you didn't share rooms tonight. They usually share rooms."- Emily explained to Seaver.

- "He was paired with Morgan,"- I pouted and looked at my phone. I thought maybe I could send him a funny text. I actually wanted to hang out with him.

- "He is very nice,"- Ashley added- "I mean, everybody is nice."

- "Yes, you mentioned it"

I was clearly not being nice. Seaver nodded and looked at the files again. I assumed she was trying to find a way to keep asking about Spencer, and I was making my best not to kill her.

- "Working with a genius must be somehow intimidating,"- she said after a few minutes. Damn it, she wasn't going to let that subject go.

- "It's fun working with Spencer,"- Prentiss said, trying to humor Seaver. And mostly, I guess trying to ease my mood and keep me from killing the trainee agent.

- "I'm sure it is,"- Seaver added. I hated her.

- "He is more than just a genius, he is a nerd."- Emily pointed out and chuckled at her words, making Seaver giggle too. I looked at my book again, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to concentrate on it at all. He was my nerd. Mine.

- "Well, it's very refreshing to be with a group who trusts and works so well together,"- she added- "I had never felt less judged and more welcome in my entire life."

I know I should have felt sorry for her. But I honestly couldn't. That was the day I realized I wasn't the good person I thought I was. There was a part of me that was a scumbag. I'm guessing knowing that is pretty helpful and positive 'cos you can work on your flaws. But I wasn't planning on working on anything at that minute, though. I just wanted to break Seaver's face.

Spencer's point of view

I didn't like working without JJ. I've never been good with change, and that was a massive alteration of our routine. I missed her, and adding Ashley to the team made things even weirder for me, even for a case. I didn't want to be judgemental, but her father was a serial killer. Of course, that would make things weird.

Besides, everybody kept bugging me, teasing me, trying to see if I liked Seaver. Penelope called while we were on the case and started taunting me, saying she knew I thought Ashley was cute. I could see she was beautiful, but I couldn't see her that way. And I didn't want anyone to say those kinds of things around (Y/N).

Why did I care so much?

I didn't want to face it 'cos I knew it was completely platonic, but I didn't want (Y/N) to think I had a crush on Seaver. I knew my best friend didn't have romantic feelings for me, and I also knew I wasn't going to make a move on her or anything. But I didn't want things to change more than they already had. And most of all, I didn't want anything to alter my dynamic with (Y/N).

But at the same time, somehow, it felt everything was already different between us.

- "Hey, honey bunny,"- (Y/N) walked to me and handed me a cup of coffee- "I thought you might need one of these."

- "You are a lifesaver,"- I whispered and sipped the cup. It was perfect.

We were on the jet on our way back home. The whole team was mostly quiet. The mood was weird. Ashley had done something quite reckless earlier and nearly got herself killed. She walked to the unsub's house all alone, not knowing he was our guy. She almost died, and none of us can even imagine what went through her head to do such a thing.

Rossi and Hotch walked to her. (Y/N) looked at me, and I could read on her face that both of us knew what was going to happen.

Ashley was alone when David sat in front of her, and Hotch stood in the middle of the aisle. Maybe that had been insensitive of us. Neither of us tried to contain her. Neither of us really knew her that well. Or at all, as a matter of fact.

- "You were not supposed to go off on your own."- Hotch went straight to the point.

- "I know,"- she whispered, and I could see how (Y/N)'s face changed. I tried to read her, but all I was able to see was... anger? I had to be wronged. She had no reason to be mad at Ashley.

- "You could have been killed,"- Hotch crossed his arms on his chest and stared at her.

- "I know that, too."

- "Why, Ashley? You're smarter than that"- Rossi sounded like a worried father. I didn't look at him 'cos I kept my eyes on (Y/N)'s, still trying to read her emotions. But what I saw made no sense. She really looked like she was angry at Ashley. Like she hated her.

- "I never got to apologize to any of the victims. The families of the women my father killed. I thought if I could just apologize to one family that had been hurt that way..."

And that was when (Y/N) snapped. She jumped from her seat and walked to Seaver. Aaron and David looked at her surprised, and Morgan turned to me, taking off his headphones. Neither he nor Prentiss got what was happening until that moment.

- "Ok. Shoot!"- (Y/N) sat right in front of Seaver, next to David, and looked at her. But she didn't get it.

- "What? What are you talking about?"

- "You just said you wanted to apologize to one of the families. So go ahead. Try."

The silence on the jet was so deep and awkward it felt no one was ever going to talk again.

- "I'm sorry, (Y/N). But I don't get what you are implying,"- Ashley's voice was a whisper. I knew she was sad and affected, embarrassed even. But I also knew (Y/N), and I could read it on her face. She wasn't joking.

- "You said you wanted to apologize to the family of one of your dad's victims, so go ahead. Apologize to me."

My first instinct was to stand up, which I did. But I froze and didn't take a step closer to (Y/N) when I noticed the severe and cold look in her eyes. I didn't know what she was talking about. But I knew she wasn't bluffing.

- "Why should I... apologize to you?"- Ashley asked her, and her voice broke at a certain point, probably scared of the answer.

- "Your dad killed my mother's older sister. She was in college,"- (Y/N) spit each word with hate and looked at Ashley, waiting for her reply. But Seaver didn't know what to do. She widened her eyes and stayed still. She barely kept her breathing steady.

- "(Y/N), maybe we should let Seaver rest,"- Hotch landed a hand on her shoulder, but my friend shook her head.

- "No, Hotch. By making that choice, she put everyone at risk,"- (Y/N) didn't take her eyes from Ashley as she spoke- "As far as I remember when you are at the academy, they teach you that in the field, we are responsible to and for your team."

- "(Y/N)... I had no idea..."- Ashley tried to apologize, I could see it, but it was clear she wasn't going to win that argument- "I am so sorry."

- "I don't know, Seaver. Did you think saying "sorry" would make those families feel better? 'Cos it ain't working here. "Sorry" won't make my mom stop feeling guilty about what happened. And, if things had gotten ugly back there, "sorry" wouldn't have made your mistake go away in case anyone would have gotten hurt. So no. Sorry doesn't help. Maybe it can ease your conscience, but when you really fuck it up, it never makes things better."

(Y/N) stood up and walked back to her seat in front of me. I let her pass and didn't say a word. I knew she wouldn't want to talk about it there. And, of course, Seaver didn't say a word. She just stood up and walked to the back of the jet, to the bathroom. Rossi and Hotch looked at each other and then looked at me.

David poured a glass of whiskey and walked to (Y/N) slowly. He didn't say a word, he just handed it to her, and she just took it and sipped it with shaky hands.

- "Thanks,"- she whispered, and Rossi nodded. Hotch raised an eyebrow, and for a moment, I thought he was going to say something, but he didn't. He just walked to his seat and opened a case file.

I moved back to my seat and opened my satchel. I had run out of candies earlier that day, so I didn't have much to give to her that could make her smile. So I picked a book and handed it to her. She took it and smiled at me kindly. I knew she was fighting back the tears, and I am sure she has held back all the emotions than being with the daughter of the man who killed her aunt since she knew who Seaver was. And she managed to do the job well. I was proud of her.

- "Wanna grab something to eat when we reach DC?"- I whispered, but for the first time ever, she shook her head.

- "I'm gonna have to catch a rain check for that dinner. I think I wanna go straight to my bed today, honey."- she sipped her glass again, and I nodded.

- "Don't worry, next time."

I was waiting for the train to go back home later that night when I saw Seaver sitting at a bench at the station, staring at her hands on her lap. I didn't see her leaving the BAU, though to be honest, I was really focused on finishing my paperwork to go home. (Y/N) had left as soon as we reached DC, but I had stayed a little longer.

I hesitated for a few seconds before I took a few steps closer and waved at Seaver. She looked at me surprised, as soon as she saw me, but didn't move. I smiled, trying to look friendly, and sat next to her.

- "Hi. What are you doing here?"- I asked her, and she shrugged.

- "I was going to go home, but I think I sat here half an hour ago and haven't been able to move,"- I turned to her and shook my head.

- "Do you want to eat something?"- after what had happened at the jet, I figured Ashley wasn't feeling so good, and maybe talking with someone could help her. She looked at me and blushed; I don't know why. But at least, she smiled and nodded.

- "Great, pizza?"

- "Pizza sounds good."

We were waiting for our food and making small talk. I kept giving Ashley pizza facts to fill the silence 'cos it was weird hanging out with Ashley. I didn't know her, really. We had worked a case together, but that didn't mean I knew her. And, of course, we had the whole jet incident. I felt a little guilty about what had happened, though it wasn't my fault at all in retrospect. I just felt like it was my job cheering her up a little bit after everything she had gone through.

- "How do you do it?"- she asked me all of a sudden- "How do you deal with the pressure of this job?"

- "You get used to it, I guess. I don't know if it's a good thing to get used to, but... it comes with the job, I think,"- I didn't know if I was doing ok comforting her. Then again, I have never been particularly good at it. Not then, not now.

- "Did you always dream about doing this?"- she asked me, and her eyes locked into mine in a way that made me feel slightly uncomfortable.

- "Y... yes. Ever since I was a kid, catching the bad guys,"- Seaver nodded and sipped her coke- "You? Why did you get into the academy?"

I regretted my question right after I asked, just 'cos I realized she might have done it to understand her father's behavior. It was only apparent that had shaped her actions.

- "I guess you know that..."- Ashley answered and smiled, her eyes looking straight into mine. I know I blushed. She is a beautiful woman, though I wasn't thinking about her that way. It was an odd feeling being observed that way.

I was glad our pizza made it to the table, and we were forced to stop talking, and I could focus on anything else but her. Not that I didn't want to look at her, but... I think the right way to explain it is to call it "uneasy." That's how I felt. I wanted to be friendly with her, she had a horrible experience consulting with the team, and I was sure she wasn't really having a good day.

- "This might sound weird, but... do you think I can call you sometime?"- Ashley asked after a few minutes. We were eating and talking about nothing important. I nearly chook at her words and looked at her, nodding.

- "Sure, why?"- I didn't mean to be rude. I just didn't know why she might need to talk to me again.

- "I just think maybe you could help me with a few assignments at the academy."

- "Yeah, of course."

Ashley Seaver smiled and nodded at me, pleased. She took a sip of Sprite, and I could read her, trying to find the words to continue speaking.

- "I'm glad. I was sure you were going to say no."

- "Why?"- I furrowed my brows, confused- "I'm not a big fan of phones, but I can handle a casual phone call."

- "No, I just didn't think your girlfriend would like... I mean, I think (Y/N) hates me, and as her boyfriend, I thought you... would... I don't know."

- "I'm, we are... we,"- I was completely flustered as I tried to rearrange my thoughts. Seaver looked at me innocently and waited for my words.

- "(Y/N) isn't my girlfriend"- it bothered me to admit that simple fact. Why? 'Cos it hurt to think we looked like a couple, but we weren't. Why did Seaver think we were together?

- "Really? But..."

- "She is my best friend,"- I explained poorly. She nodded and hesitated before saying what she was thinking. It was obvious she was trying to arrange the words in her head.

- "It's just that you two... sorry, I'm overstepping,"- Ashley blushed and shook her head- "She is... strong."

- "Yes, very."

- "I think I started with the wrong foot with her."

- "Well, I don't mean to justify anything, but if your father hurt,"- I made a pause, trying to find a way to say it that wasn't so painful.

- "Killed. My father killed her aunt,"- she corrected me with a cold and monotonous tone of voice. I just nodded and sipped my water.

- "She is an amazing person,"- I don't know if I was trying to excuse (Y/N)'s earlier behavior or if I just loved her so much I needed to tell people how awesome she was.

- "I'm sure you will pass this,"- I assured her- "Once you get to know her, and she gets to know you."

- "I don't think she will give me that chance. Besides, I was just clear to assist with only one case."

- "If you want to stay, you can request your remedial training be here. And if Hotch approves it, I could talk to (Y/N). I'm sure she will like to know you better."

Why did I say all that? I had no idea.

- "Thank you, Spence. You are really sweet,"- Ashley moved closer and held my hand. I stayed very still, absolutely awkward.

- "Yeah, I don't... like... holding hands,"- I quickly moved it away and tried to smile at her. She stayed still, not understanding my reaction but trying to act normal.

- "Sorry."

- "That's ok. I'm a germaphobe, that's all."

After pizza, we left the place and said goodnight. I told Ashley I was weary (which was, in fact, the truth) and got her a cab to take her home. After that, I walked to my place. I felt like I needed to be alone for a while. My head was overwhelmed, and in the latest couple of weeks, I had severe trouble sleeping.

I had migraines that nearly blinded me. I was scared they meant I could develop the first signs of schizophrenia, like mom, 'cos they were coming more and more often. It wasn't that bad yet, the light didn't hurt my eyes, and I didn't have any sign of hallucination, but still, I knew it could be serious.

I tried to think of a reason why I might be having those severe headaches. I was eating correctly, mostly 'cos (Y/N) forced me to eat. No, she didn't force me, but she made sure I had all my meals at work, not just coffee. And usually, at the weekends, we would spend our time together, and she was a fantastic cook. So it wasn't an alimentary issue.

I wasn't sleeping well. That wasn't new, but it was getting serious. I wrote and read a lot at night 'cos I couldn't fall asleep until late. I didn't know why. I just couldn't rest. My body ached, and my brain wouldn't sleep. The only nights I could actually get some rest were the ones when (Y/N) stayed with me. It was a blessing when Hotch paired us to share rooms, 'cos I could easily fall asleep when she was around. Her presence soothed me in a way that I didn't understand. Let me put it this way, I know it might sound cheesy, but the beating of her heart set the rhythm for my own, and at night it would bring me peace.

I reached home that night and sighed. I knew I wasn't going to rest easy. (Y/N) wasn't there with me. So I made myself a cup of herbal tea, (Y/N) had a lot of those in my house, and I drank them when I missed her. The smell coming from the cup made me feel like she was close.

How pathetic I had become! But I could only share those thoughts with myself. No one knew I had feelings for her, and I was going to deny it till the end, no matter what had JJ said. I couldn't take that phone call from my mind, and on those sleepless nights, I kept overthinking and overanalyzing everything.

I got into bed with a few books and my cup of herbal tea. I took a look at my cell phone, two new messages.

- "I miss u"

(Y/N) sent, and a warm feeling spread on my chest as I imagined her whispering those words as I read them

- "Breakfast tomorrow before work?"

- "See you at seven-thirty."

I typed and sent it.

What could ever happen if I told her how much in love I am with her? I would lose her, and I'd be alone. She didn't feel that way for me. It was a fact. I was just glad she was my best friend, and I could share everything with her. Was I pathetic? Yes, very, but in a way, it felt it was just all I deserved. Not more, not less. Just being in love with a girl who didn't love me back.

At least she wasn't dating Paul anymore. I hated that guy.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Spencer was waiting for me outside our usual coffee shop, already holding two cups of coffee. His short hair looked dreamy as she smiled and took off his sunglasses. It had to be illegal being that hot. But, seriously, how didn't he get laid? He was fucking dreamy. In the four years we had been best friends, I saw Spencer in many hairstyles, and each of them made him look like a model.

Falling in love with Spencer Reid had been a process I hadn't actually been fully aware of. But I was completely conscious I needed to hide those feelings from him and from everybody at the BAU.

Ok, fine, I had somehow faced part of those feelings in front of my drunk best buddies at Penelope's house, but I never actually confirmed anything. I had just... shared some of my frustrations, I guess.

- "Good morning, honey bunny,"- I smiled and sighed as I stood in front of Spencer, watching him grin back at me and hand me one of the coffee cups.

- "Good morning, chipmunk. Did you get some rest?"

- "Yes, I fell asleep as soon as I reached my bed. I was exhausted."

- "I'm glad you are fully rested."

- "What did you do yesterday?"

- "Nothing,"- he answered quickly and turned around- "I got you a carrot muffin to go."

- "Thank you so much. I'm starving. I didn't even have dinner yesterday."

- "Really?"

- "I told you, I reached home and crawled into my bed."

We walked outside the coffee shop in silence. Spencer bit his donuts, and I ate my muffin. It was nice and calming being with him doing domestic things in life.

I hated how much in love I was with him 'cos I knew I had to shake that feeling away. He was never going to have feelings for me. I was a regular human being, and Spencer Walter Reid was a genius. He deserved better, he was actually never to think about me that way, and I refused to ruin our friendship with those feelings.

- "So, Comic-con is coming. What are we doing this year?"- I asked as I drove us to Quantico.

- "I was thinking we should do something classic,"- he looked at me, nearly beaming on his seat- "We haven't done Star Wars yet."

- "Really?"- I frowned, confused- "All these years? Are you sure?"

- "(Y/N), eidetic memory,"- he argued, and I chuckled- "So, how do you feel about Leia?"

- "Do I have to be Leia 'cos I'm a girl?"- I asked him, and he flustered right away.

- "What? No, you can be whoever you want to be. I was just, it came to my mind... I didn't,"- I giggled and looked at him for a second.

- "I'm messing with you, Batsy. I always wanted to dress as Leia. Surprisingly, I never had. Padme once, it was a mess, but never Leia. Who are you planning to be?"

- "Maybe Luke... or Obi-Wan. Morgan suggested C3PO once."

- "If I'm Leia, you should be Han,"- I don't know why I said that out loud. I thought about it, I pictured it in my head, but I knew I shouldn't have said it. Then why did those words leave my mouth? I don't know.

- "Han Solo... yes... yeah, sure. Of course! We can pick our outfits this weekend."

- "Great! What do you think would look better? Slave Leia or classic all in white Leia?"- Spencer didn't answer. He just sipped his coffee and looked outside the window.

- "You would look good in both,"- his cellphone interrupted our conversations, and I thought it might be a case. But I was so wrong, it hurt.

- "Hello? Oh, hi, Ashley,"- I nearly hit the break as soon as I heard him saying her name, but instead, I turned around and looked at him.

- "Good, yes. On my way to work with (Y/N). Oh, that's good."

I didn't care what she was saying. I just needed to know why that bitch was calling him. I was blind in jealousy, and I was having a hard time hiding it.

- "Really? Emily? That's... that's great. Sure, we'll see you around, gotta go. Bye."

- "What the fuck?"- I swear, I didn't think what I was saying. Those words just slip through my lips straight from my guts. I hated Seaver.

- "That was Ashley."

- "Figured when you said "Hi Ashley." What? Are you best friends with her now?"

- "What? No! No way! She just wanted to say hi... and... She.... asked for my number 'cos she wanted to help her with some of the academy's projects,"- Spencer was so nervous he actually stuttered as he answered my simple question.

- "Of course, she did,"- my voice was bitter and hurt, but most of all, ironic. And I don't know if Spencer didn't want to understand me or actually didn't get the hint, but he just continued talking.

- "She wanted to tell me she requested her remedial training be at the BAU."

- "What?!"- that wasn't subtle. I actually yelled- "I'm gonna have to see her again?"

- "If Hotch approves..."

- "Fuck!! That's awful!!"- I hit the wheel, frustrated.

- "She's not a bad person, (Y/N). Her dad was a murderer, but that doesn't mean..."- I turned to look at Spencer for a second, and he just shut up- "Sorry."

- "I don't like her, Spencer."

- "Yes, I know."

- "Her dad killed my aunt!!"

- "I know..."

- "And on top of that, that bitch is..."

I had to bite my lips and focus on the road, actually holding my breath for a few seconds, just not to open my mouth and ruin it all.

The main reason why I hated Ashley Seaver wasn't just because of what her father had done. That itself was enough to keep her away. But on top of that, she was flirting with Spencer. She wasn't even subtle about it; she was nearly all over him. I saw her! She wanted him, and he had no idea! He was blind to her attention. Unless he liked it. Did he? Shit, I hoped not.

- "She what?"- Spencer whispered, scared of my reaction.

- "She plays the pity card the whole time. Bad things happen to all of us. You don't have to make it who you are, she does, and she expects sympathy."

I grabbed my muffin and took a big bite of it. Spencer sighed and stayed quiet for a moment, giving me space to decompress, I think.

- "Did you know the origins of carrot cake are disputed by many countries?"- I looked at Spencer, and he nodded- "Many food historians believe carrot cake originated from the English recipe of carrot puddings, eaten by Europeans in the Middle Ages when sugar and sweeteners were expensive, and many people used carrots as a substitute for sugar."

- "My mom would fight all those historians and convince them she invented it. Her carrot cake is the best."

- "And I would agree, the cake she baked for your last birthday was amazing."- I nodded and heard him chuckle as I kept my eyes on the road. I wanted to focus on the memories of my last birthday and how fun it was, but something was bugging me.

- "And why did she call you to tell you what she wanted to do?"- I parked the car outside the BAU and turned to Spencer. He opened his mouth, but no word came from it. So I asked him again.

- "Honey, why did Seaver call you to announce she would take the remedial training at the BAU?"

- "It... might... had been my idea,"- he whispered and held his satchel tight against his body. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe it.

- "Why on earth did you do that, Spencer?!"- I shouted as I got out of the car, grabbed my purse, my clean go bag in case we had a case, and started walking towards the building.

- "It wasn't like a suggestion. She just..."

- "I can't believe it!!"

- "It doesn't have to be that bad! It's just for a few weeks..."

- "Hopefully, Hotch won't accept."

- "(Y/N), come on,"- Spencer held my hand and stopped me- "This is not like you. Yeah, you don't like her, but you are making it a big deal, and it's not."

- "I'm starting to think you are crushed on her,"- I didn't want to say those words. They just slipped.

- "What!? Why? No!! I'm not!"- the high pitch on Spencer's voice was a clear sign of how uncomfortable he was with the conversation.

- "Then why are you defending her?"

- "I am not! I'm just saying maybe you are acting a little bit... irrational about this whole thing. She hasn't done anything bad."

- "Other than jeopardizing the whole case yesterday?"

- "Right, other than that..."

I felt Spencer's hand in mine, and I swear, I couldn't stop thinking about how it felt. It kept sending shivers all over my body. His thumb rubbed small circles on my skin, probably trying to calm me down, and it worked. I followed it with my eyes for a second as I took a few deep breaths and nodded.

- "Ok, I won't make a big deal if she stays."

- "Thank you."

- "Just... don't ask me to be her friend."

- "You don't have to be her friend."

Spencer stood in front of me and smiled. I swear all I could think of was kissing him. And a part of me felt it was getting harder and harder to resist. He put on his sunglasses and kept his hand in mine for a moment until Penelope's voice took us from our little bubble.

- "Good morning, my wonder babies!! Ready to fight crime?"

I actually didn't know what I was getting into.

Hotch had taken the day off. We were around the one-year anniversary of Haley's death, and according to what Rossi explained to us, Jack wasn't feeling so good. It was said it would be just a day or two, but I had the feeling it might be a couple of weeks. Hotch would always put himself second, but he would do whatever it took to keep him safe when it came to his son.

Morgan had been asked to take a trip to Petersburg Federal Correctional Complex to do a risk assessment on a case, so Spencer, Prentiss, and I were in the bullpen. Garcia was in her office, and Rossi was in a meeting with Strauss. I'd say it was a very calm morning, catching up with all the pending paperwork we had. Spencer had just gotten me a cup of coffee when I heard Seaver's cheerful voice.

- "Hi guys!"- she walked in with a big smile and waved- "How are you?"

Spencer looked at me as we all said our hellos. I could almost read "Please, be nice" written all over his face, and for a moment, I was willing to do as told. I didn't want him to suspect why I was so annoyed by her after all.

- "I talked to Hotch"- Emily smiled at Seaver and moved a chair for her- He signed off your remedial training, and I'll be your training agent. I'll supervise your work. I already told Rossi too, so it's official.

Ashley jumped from her chair and hugged Emily. I rolled my eyes and stared at the file on my desk. I really wasn't ready to deal with her. I wasn't prepared to deal with someone trying to steal Spencer from me.

Ok, Spencer wasn't mine to keep, but we had been inseparable for four years, and I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose him.

I had never been ready to deal with Spencer dating other girls. The few times girls had hit on him had been awful. Once, Morgan took him to a club when we were on a case, 'cos the unsub was picking his victims there, and he taught him how to pick up girls. The bartender ended up giving him her number 'cos my dorky best friend was charming. Derek still remembered that moment from time to time, quoting it as "The day he turned Spencer into a man."

I loved Derek, but fuck, I hated him sometimes.

- "Welcome to the team,"- Spencer waved at Seaver from his desk and turned to me, raising an eyebrow.

- "Yeah, welcome,"- I added and cut her a short smile.

- "I'm thrilled to join you guys for a few weeks. I always dreamt of being here. I'm ready for making it up after the last case."

- "Don't be so hard on yourself,"- Prentiss interrupted her and smiled friendly- "You remained calm under pressure, and the case was solved. That's all that matters."

I had to control myself not to snort after Emily's words. Instead, I kept my eyes locked on my desk like I had done before. I was so focused on it that I could have actually developed telekinesis skills and moved the freaking file with my eyes.

- "I just wanted to say thank you to all of you,"- Seaver's voice was soft, in a mix of fear, excitement, and... something else I couldn't read.

- "Especially you, Spencer. I really enjoyed our talk last night, and I have the feeling I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. Thank you for the pizza. I owe you dinner."

- "Don't, it was nothing,"- Spencer flustered and stood up quickly, grabbing his pile of files and walking away, arguing he needed to ask Garcia something.

I did my best not to move a muscle. I didn't want Seaver to know how much I hated the fact she had shared what seemed to be a lovely evening with Spencer. One he didn't actually mention when we talked about what we had done the previous evening. Why did he decide to keep me in the dark? I couldn't understand that. Maybe he just didn't want me to know he actually had feelings for Seaver. Maybe he had asked her out, and because he knew I hated her (though he really didn't know why), he decided not to tell me what was going on.

I had been wasting all that time in love with Spencer. I knew I would never act on those feelings, and clearly, he didn't have feelings for me. So... maybe it was time to let him go.

How could I let Spencer Reid go when I never actually had him?

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Next update: June 16th, 2021

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