#and yet his direct nature kind of scares her but she doesn't want anyone else

[hannahssimblr]

After doing that 'top posts of 2023' or w/e post from yesterday I was asking myself what my absolute favorite moment was from Lucky Girl

I can usually tell by looking at the stats what are the most popular chapters (the ones with sex - nobody is surprised that y'all are coming back to re-read those 2/3 times each lmao I see you) and this one is up there.

I was so happy with it when it was completed, because I thought it caught Evie and Jude at their best and most themselves in the whole thing - those moments where she's worried about asking him for what she wants for fear that he'll get too excited and intense, and him trying to hold himself back for fear of overwhelming her. Both knowing each other well enough by now, while doing this silly little dance around each other instead of just admitting what they want. - They're still doing this in the epilogue. They've learned to be indirect with one another in their relationship and they know that they'll always have to do this little dance with one another to make things work.

Anyway, you've guessed it, it's 3.16 - the Arcade chapter <3

“Good game, Evie.” He concedes, after a long, anguished pause. “But I’m not playing against you again.”

“Good. I absolutely hate your play style, and you’re a sore winner.”

“From now on we should only team up”

“I agree, we’d be horrible and unstoppable.”

“Do you still fancy me after witnessing me at my worst and most toxic?”

I grin. “If that’s you at your most toxic then I think I fancy you more, actually.” I push past him towards an old jukebox by the wall. “Which probably says something about me, I don’t know. Maybe I should be psychologically assessed.”

“For liking bad boys?”

I snicker. “You think you’re a bad boy?”

“I think that you think I’m a bad boy.”

“No, I think you’re very sweet and kind and quite soft, actually.” I dig around in my pocket for a spare coin or two. “Sorry.”

He leans against the wall next to me like a quarterback against some cheerleader’s locker in a high school film, and it shouldn’t make me feel girlish and shy, but it does. My whole body tingles even though he’s not even touching against me. “Is that really what you think?”

“Are you flattered or insulted?”

“Well I’m flattered. I think that about you too, coincidentally.” 

“Pick a song.” I tell him. “Let’s see if this thing even works.”

“Give me the old classic, Surfin’ in the UK.”

“What?” I chuckle. “I think you’ve got that wrong.”

“No, look.” He points to the song selection at the front and I run my eyes down the most egregious list of knock off hits I’ve ever seen. There’s Hotel Florida, Puppy Dog, Nine Days a Week, Free Tumblin’, and somewhere near the middle is Surfin’ in the UK. “This is ridiculous.” I say as I hit the button and the speakers crackle to life. “Why don’t they just get the real songs?”

“Cheap,” Jude explains, and bobs his head as though he’s enjoying the strange song that almost, almost sounds like the Beach Boys, only for its weird, tuneless melody that never quite progresses to the expected or most obvious chord. 

“My God, this is awful,” I say, and he’s already doing a silly little shuffle dance across the worn out carpet. “What are you talking about? It’s a certified banger,” He reaches out his hand to me and sings in falsetto “And all the blokes are surfin’, surfin’ in the UK.”

“Don’t make me dance to this.”

“What? Nobody is watching.” He takes my hands in his while I laugh, and he laughs too, because it’s just funny. There’s always something funny about being together, even when I know that everyone else would think we’re being stupid, but when I’m around him I always feel just a little less embarrassed of myself. The same kind of childish, light headed giggliness I get when I breathe helium from a balloon.

The arcade machines and the neon on the walls blink and flash bright colours against his skin and his sleek, glossy dark hair, and everything is noise, light and sensation. Beeps and bings and 8 bit graphics and electronic chip music, all blend discordantly with the tinny music from the jukebox, but when he holds my waist and kisses me slowly everything else fades away. 

My body surrenders to him immediately, but this is what he does to me. This is why I feel afraid of the ways that I feel, because with him, as with nobody else, I feel like I can understand better why people do insane things for sex. How a person can just forget where they are and do it wildly and indiscriminately in cars or public bathrooms or in other kinds of places that used to make me feel confused and disgusted. I always knew, as I know right now, that it wouldn’t take much convincing on his part to get me out of my jeans. 

Lucky Girl, 3.16

#also Evie realising that it really doesn't feel this way with other people #and yet his direct nature kind of scares her but she doesn't want anyone else #and him knowing #yet willing to go against his instincts and wait for her to be comfortable #and be patient #obsessed with them forever

[idyllic-affections]

the contract's cycle.

summary. changsheng's contract is a cycle.

trigger & content warnings. angst angst and more angst on the side, mentions of death & chronic illness.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. angst, hurt/slight comfort. baizhu & reader. 0.7k words. they/them pronouns for reader. this post is an expansion of invisible disability? it's rather visible to me. this post contains spoilers for baizhu's story quest.

author's thoughts. i did baizhu's story quest (i am telling lies. i did not do it, i watched someone else do it on youtube. genshin burnout is REAL i swear). got fic inspo. wrote fic. this is a little messy but please spare me i wrote this on a whim at 10:30 at night HSKSHJFGFGD

baizhu, who does not want anyone else to fall victim to changsheng's contract, yet also does not want her to die as a consequence of having no host.

it takes time, but despite this, he eventually realizes that what he has with junior herbalist [name] is the virtually the same as an apprenticeship—it is the same as what he had with his master before him, and what his master had with his own master before him, and so on. baizhu only refused to label his relationship with [name] as such for fear of them becoming the next in line, should he fail to attain immortality.

he does not intend to fail, but he cannot deny that he may not be able to succeed, either.

he suddenly finds himself scared, because if he's become so close with them without even consciously realizing it... that means that something drew him in, that he is endeared with them like a parent would be to a child because they are undoubtedly very much like him—a selfless, gentle soul void of ill intent. that fact simply scares him. they're so young, too young. maybe they'll change as they get older. maybe they'll become less selfless and kind. maybe he should encourage them to be more selfish? perhaps that might change something?

(he is only fooling himself.)

[name] is a viable host for changsheng; she herself has confirmed it, albeit a little reluctantly, upon baizhu's request. "it is a matter of my host's natural temperament," she reminded, "and that does not change as someone gets older. you know this, baizhu."

baizhu is now terrified. his fear has increased tenfold, because they are already chronically ill. he was not necessarily so weak before taking on changsheng's contact; his current state is a consequence of transferring countless ailments onto his own body. if he is fated for an early death... archons, their death would be even earlier. his heart drops at the thought.

briefly, he wonders if his predecessors ever felt like this—did they, too, fear the deaths of their apprentices, or is it different in his case because of how young his is? is it different because, even though he hesitates to say it aloud, he thinks of them as his own child? or were all his predecessors the same way?

he doesn't realize it, but gradually, the liyuean doctor begins withdrawing from them.

[name] notices that baizhu seems to be engaging less with them, that he's less involved with them overall, and they worry about if they've somehow disappointed him. they become more fidgety and distressed during their work hours, always trying to understand what it is that they did wrong, and trying to amend it without even knowing what they did.

changsheng eventually exposes hers' and baizhu's shared secret because maybe she's seen a teacher and their student fall out and maybe she doesn't want to see it again. who knows? but baizhu sure as hell won't tell them, so she takes it upon herself to do so, and the doctor is helpless to stop her because she... is stubborn.

[name], though very worried, expresses little surprise once changsheng finishes her explanation. all they do is peer up with gentle sincerity directed mostly at baizhu. "changsheng isn't normal—no offense, changsheng, don't get mad—so... i somewhat figured that something like this was going on. it's not exactly uncommon in liyue. this is the nation of contracts, after all, but... why didn't you tell me sooner? are you worried that i would be her next contractee? is— is that why you're ignoring me lately?"

(changsheng forces baizhu to apologize to them for that. he didn't offer much resistance and was quick to console and reassure them.)

baizhu is now even more set on his quest than before, because he will not let another person fall victim to the contract's cycle, "fate" be damned. he will not let [name] fall victim to the contract's cycle.

([name] knows that deep down inside, if something ever happened to baizhu... they would take on changsheng's contract, because like all those before them, they do not want to see her die, and changsheng has, albeit begrudgingly, accepted that they are just like all their predecessors.

if there is a life in front of them that deserves to be saved, why shouldn't they do everything within their power to save it?)

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

#aphelion brainrots 🌸 #: [ the junior herbalist! 🌸 ] #favoniuslibrary #astronetwrk #platonic genshin x reader #platonic genshin impact #platonic genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #baizhu x reader #platonic baizhu x reader #genshin impact x reader

[wordycheeseblob]

The End of an Era (Ikemen Prince)

Records of Assassin!Emma

Warnings: mentions of blood, Gilbert, and violence

Word count: 2.5k

Featured characters: Emma, Gilbert, Roderich, Chevalier, and Clavis

Plot: Emma undertakes a mission from Chevalier to bring back information on weapon development in Obsidian

3rd person, contains Gilbert pov

A/N Thank you kind patron Atelier for the generous donation of daggers and poison vials for Assassin!Emma

Killers for hire...

They do not choose their missions, they only follow orders.

She alone knew the final destination of those who openly defied the black-clad minister when his stay at the palace was still young, those who disappeared without a trace or final word. She was the specter that roamed these castle walls. The shadow of the devil.

It was already nighttime when Emma approached the castle of Obsidian from the moonless side. The shot of her crossbow was timed with the loud clang coming from the execution site in front of the castle. A fellow agent just went down. Emma hastily climbed to the top of the wall, the rope disappearing behind her as that of the most daring of magic shows about the same time another patrol was turning around the corner.

Normally in Information retrieval missions, a spy would be planted as a staff member, waiting months even before making any move, but the castle of Obsidian had such thorough background checks and investigations, The only way was a direct approach. Emma knew her biggest obstacle yet to overcome was not the bleak walls of the castle but the first prince of Obsidian himself, if she ever had the misfortune of running into him. From hearsay, Emma suspected it was this avid collector of information and enthusiast of spies that led Obsidian's counterintelligence operations. Once you touch a web, it doesn't take long before the spider comes forth.

Gilbert lounged in a chair behind a black desk, resting his head in the palm of his hand leisurely, one blood-red eye trained on the papers in front of him while a hooded figure gave detailed reports by his side.

¨...Just a small number of refugees fled across the border to Jade. It appears they were escaping exceedingly high taxation from the corrupt noble in their territory. Needless to say, he was taken care of¨

¨Some might come, others will go, It's the natural order of things, don't you think?¨

Gilbert picked up one of the papers giving it a once-over

¨...there have been no reports of anyone coming back, oder?¨

¨You said something about a commotion that happened around that time at the border, several days ago¨ Gilbert's voice was cheery albeit his eye shined devoid of any mirth. ¨A good opportunity to escape, as it goes, some would risk life and limb to get out, conversely some would use the opportunity risking as much trying to get in. Do you know who that might be?¨

The question was purely rhetorical, followed by a knowing silence. There were a few reasons someone might want to breach obsidian's defenses and it was never for sightseeing. Gilbert finally averted his gaze from the paperwork and border reports, this time looking somewhere far through the window where stormy clouds were beginning to form.

¨hmm The birds that sing at dusk were unusually silent this evening.¨ He hummed.

To anyone else, those words might have appeared cryptic but oftentimes one had to have an eye for the little things, those little anomalies others brushed aside. Gilbert always had an eye for details, that's what set him apart from the rest. Ironically, with one eye he saw more than most, little missteps, like for example, when someone carelessly scared off the wildlife.

Gilbert smiled.

¨Im saying we have a visitor¨

A shadow crept through the spacious hallways. The silence that reigned in this foreign place was eerie, somewhat unnatural. Emma sidestepped security, men dressed in the distinct military uniform of Obsidian, numerous times, reaching the armory easily. Almost too easily. Not that an assassin would seek conflict or the thrill of a fight like some ordinary street hooligan but the reception or lack thereof was off-putting. It felt like a twisted welcome like Emma was already expected. The door that held those coveted secrets stood ahead, beckoning.

The space was littered with heavy rectangular crates and other goods that to her trained eye were of no interest. She crouched to bust a gap in one of the boxes using a metallic tool as a lever, picking by their size and placement. Fortunately, Emma wouldn't need to search for long, luck was on her side as she extracted the paragon of military innovation that was carefully stacked there. She passed her hand over its cool surface, it weighed much lighter than Emma imagined. Noted, they improved on that aspect as well it seems. Emma didn't find any ammunition nearby, assuming it was placed in a different location altogether.

Out of a side pocket, she fished out her own bullet for comparison. The one in her hands was salvaged from its testing grounds a long time ago, it didn't fit the new rifle which needed much smaller, sharper, and slender ammunition. The new bullets must have shrunk and taken shape compared to the lump of metal in her palm. Could this mean this version was more accurate? it was unlikely to be just to cheapen production; Obsidian usually went all out in weapons production, its cost coming only second to its quality. Emma burned its measurements to memory. Checking the thing inside and out briskly, a little bit too enthralled, she paused spotting the Obsidian's coat of arms stamped at the beginning of the barrel, the sign of pride of a nation. A grim feeling settled in her stomach, sensing the bigger picture. This was much more than a new toy, a new era was looming over the continent, one where knights were not welcome.

¨You seem to be enjoying yourself¨

Emma stiffened. This was unusual, she didn't sense anyone's approach.

A tap, its sound rumbled through the walls around her. Emma looked over her shoulder to see a man clad in black, standing in the doorway, both hands reclined on a cane. The pale light from the hallway outlined his raven hair, multiple medals and awards hung adorning his chest but his most prominent feature was his blood-red eye that seemed to bore into her very being. Only one man Emma knew of passed the description. She felt an uncharacteristic sense of foreboding wash over her.

¨Did i startle you?¨ Gilbert tilted his head with a sickeningly sympathetic tone. Or rather, the impression of one.

¨ You understood me just now, as I thought, you're from Rhodolite. This is unusually brash even for Chevalier, I wonder if the brutal beast is getting impatient ¨ he mused, the last part almost like an afterthought.

Emma was left bemused by the precise conclusion, she could've sworn her expression was schooled up until now, professional that she was. She didn't recall giving any answer nor sign of understanding, and then immediately regretted the slight surprise that might have shown on her features from his assessment, after the realization that the prince wasn't judging the events prior but her response to what he said just now, confirming his point.

¨I'm a big believer in giving credit where it's due. However...¨

Emma slowly stood up, grip instinctively tightening around the rifle. Gilbert only smiled as he continued monologuing.

¨I dislike trespassers. All spies are actors and by extension liars, and there's nothing I hate more than lies¨ Gilbert took something out of his pocket throwing it in the air. Emma caught the small object with her free hand.

¨This is...¨ the object in question was a black bullet.

Gilbert nodded.

¨Go ahead. You seemed a bit too eager to use it just now.¨

¨why?¨ was all Emma could muster in response, trying not to read too much into the man's contradictory words lest she get more confused, more interested in determining her next course of action.

Gilbert moved the weight of his cane into one hand, shifting from his reclined position to stand up at full height.

¨To make the game more interesting, of course.¨ That was all it was to him. A mere game.

¨Is that a threat?¨ She slowly pointed the yet-to-be-loaded barrel in his direction.

¨more of a heads-up, really¨

Confrontation with Gilbert was a gamble. Emma might have the tempting advantage here, but one thing she knew: there are few things more dangerous than a skilled enemy on his own carefully chosen ground, and Emma's mission wasn't to kill Gilbert, it was to return alive. A few moments of silence passed between the two until it was broken when, without warning, Emma hurled the rifle at his face. Gilbert caught it with one hand, by then, the assassin slid past him in one fluid motion. No further crossing the threshold, she felt a strong grip tugging at her collar. Not paying it any mind, Emma rid of her coat losing a few buttons in the process.

And suddenly, she was running, Gilbert's smile fading from view, receding into the darkness of the hallway. The light of the windows flickered by, the only sound being that of frantic steps. Seconds before Emma took a left turn her instincts went into overdrive sensing the impending ambush. She grabbed an ornate candelabra parrying mid-flight the blade that came the moment of the turn. The assailant's sword flew into the air and with a swift turn of the impromptu weapon, his hand was now securely forked into a nearby wall. The man groaned giving Emma a margin of a moment to assess the situation. Sure enough, a few dozen guards stood in her way, awaiting to block her escape route. Some of them were fully armored, a few wore military uniforms. Her ears strained hearing the approach of clattering steps from behind. It appeared that turning back was not an option either. But now, more than ever in her life, Emma knew exactly what to do. Slowly, she raised her hands in the air. The men exchanged a glance but as soon as two of them approached to apprehend her, two sharp pins found their way into their throats. As they stumbled in shock, the intruder was already dashing past them, head-on into the crowd.

Emma was an unfeeling killer in truth and a half; trained to kill and trained to do so without leaving a trace, trained in the art of assassination and the arts of infiltration and espionage, however, she was not entirely unfeeling. She felt a lot. She felt the taste of blood as one of the guards retaliated with a jab, Emma felt the humming of the air as she sidestepped the incoming cut that followed again and again, maneuvering through blades like in a frenzied dance. And at the end of the hallway, before the pale light of the moon that came through the large crystal window, her silhouette sparred a deadly duet with a relentless adversary, it was then that she felt her alarm bells go off, a sense of unease, and rightfully, at the familiar tap of a cane.

Gilbert stood at the far end of the following corridor, opposite where Emma had come from, tilting his head with a placid smile. How he appeared ahead, almost waiting, was truly a mystery that, alas, time would not allow her to resolve. In an instant, Gilbert's cane was pointing at her.

A cloud passed over the moon, yet again, hiding its alluring beauty and ethereal light. Adrenaline kicked in. Emma reacted before she could fully process what was happening, pulling the guard before her in a shielding manner, almost tearing his sleeve. She heard The slight rasp of material ripping, then a deafening discharge as shards of glass sprang everywhere like a cascade. Pain shot through her system like a shockwave, Emma stumbled back gripping the window behind her, her ears were ringing.

The guard's mass collapsed on her form tilting her world in a second that felt like an eternity and just like that Emma was falling into the abyss. Her injury burned as the rain came down, piercing the sky in thousands of icy needles. Her vision blurred the edges of the dark obsidian castle as its peaks buried themselves into the tempest clouds. Perhaps deep down Emma had already given up, only moving her limbs on instinct, her heart getting up by habit. She hit the edge of a tower, tumbling down. The tiles screeched, pierced by the dagger in her hand, dulling its polished surface. The assassin managed the relent her descent short of reaching the edge. The thick curtains of rain may serve as a cover for escape but right now all they were doing was depriving Emma of much-needed breath. It was increasingly difficult to assess distances in the darkness of the downpour and the dizzying altitude. They shifted, stretched, and narrowed all the while Emma's weight was slowly giving in to the slippery surface under her.

She pressed a hand against the smudged spot on her shoulder that darkened by the second, wincing slightly. New streams of blood replaced those washed away by the water and her cold, wet clothes stuck asfixiatingly close to her body. She turned to the sky, eyes closed, silencing a whimper of pain. Emma composed herself promptly and gripping the watery eaves, jumped, swiftly sliding into the window below. She did not remain for long. Eluding the crowded hallways, Emma swiftly exited another window, one less steep and more accessible for an escape downwards if escape was even possible for a castle that looked more like a military fortress.

Emma stood before Chevalier, After crossing the border and returning to the court she went directly to the secluded room in the library. Before she gave her report the mission was far from over. His cold eyes met with hers after Emma's ragged form appeared from the shadows, bowing politely. Chevalier scoffed at her appearance. Although she already had the wound on her shoulder wrapped up in a spare piece of bandage, her boots left a fine trail of mud which the second prince probably didn't appreciate that much in his pristine sanctuary of books, not to mention her uniform was rightfully tattered from her presumably ungraceful fall in bushes amid her descent.

¨...It's worse than I initially imagined. It's a good thing the prototype is too complex for mass production... for now¨

¨That only buys us time. Go on.¨ Chevalier closed the book in his lap giving Emma his undivided attention.

¨Unfortunately they already have enough in stock to supply an entire company¨

¨ But with its destructive power it could make for one hell of a surgical strike¨ Clavis' head popped from behind the shelves. He stacked a book from the pile he was carrying in its place with a shady smile that looked more forced than usual.

¨If he's withholding could it be that he's waiting for the right moment, what do you think Chev?¨

¨He's not one to go for a direct approach¨ Chevalier stood up from his seat. ¨enough of this¨

Clavis frowned. Chevalier turned at last, his pale blue eyes zeroing in on the spy. ¨What else did you bring?¨

¨No, that was all for now... oh¨ Emma's hand brushed past something in her pocket. Strange, She could've sworn she lost it somewhere along her escape... then when did...?

She carefully extracted the object and handed it to her employer.

Clavis stole curious glances while Chevalier turned it in his palm, frowning immediately. It was the black bullet, on closer inspection It was by no means ordinary, Emma even had doubts now if it even belonged to the type of rifle she was inspecting back then.

¨That's very like him to do¨

Chevalier tossed the bullet back to Emma, his silence translated to "Good work". Before Emma could ask what was wrong he turned towards the library exit.

Clavis followed suit striding gallantly, passing Emma with a pat on the shoulder.

Emma turned the bullet, It was under the reddish hues of the setting sun that she caught a glimpse of something she had missed the first time she held it

A familiar name was etched into the bullet's shell, each letter's silvery outline gradually shining on the black surface. This was how Gilbert von Obsidian sent his regards to the second prince.

Did he know of her arrival? was her escape less of a coincidence and more of a calculated gambit?

Emma thought, regardless of the truth of what happened,

"What a bold declaration of war"

#assassin!emma #ikemen prince #ikemen ouji #ikepri #ikepri gilbert #gilbert von obsidian #ikepri chevalier #ikepri clavis #ikepri emma #chevalier michel #clavis lelouch #Ikepri assassin emma #Ikepri spy emma #Ikepri assassin au #assassin emma

[that-bipolar-mood]

Hi there,

I don't know who else to talk to about this, and your blog seems like the only one I can talk to about this (you don't even have to answer this).

About half a year ago I started getting into spirituality. At first it was wonderful, and really inspired and encouraged a lot of positive personal growth for me. I started meditating and hearing voices. However, there have been a few times that became disturbing, and a couple were downright terrifying.

I only just recently opened up to my counselor about those moments. She was naturally concerned, and reached out to my my medication specialist to let her know. The meds specialist then gave me a prescription for Abilify, and kind of rushed through the appointment without really listening to me. Hallucinations or not, to me those moments were very real, and to have them so quickly dismissed has hurt me deeply.

I see how my behaviour could be concerning for others. I agree that I do experience hypomania. I'm not living an impulsive or reckless lifestyle, but I do go through cycles of being high-strung, irritable, and depressed, only to bounce back to being pleasant and happy-go-lucky again. Yet it hurts to know that my attempts to better my life and connect with a higher source was noted as a red flag, like they were just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel like all of my credibility and respectability has been taken from me overnight. It feels like whenever I become excited about something that it's going to be questioned as a suspicious and monitored as a symptom, instead of allowing me to enjoy my life like an adult. I already feel like my partner looks down on me. He uses my earlier mental illness diagnosis as a means to infantalise and patronise me, even if he doesn't think he is.

We both have relatives with bipolar disorder, and I don't see myself being like them. I've seen what mania looks like, and where it leads to. It scares and dismays me to be put into the same category as them. I could handle the ADHD and depression diagnoses, but BP is more than I'm willing to admit. Quite frankly, I'm ashamed of it. Just like I'm embarrassed for sharing my spiritual experiences and research with those around me, and how silly I must have looked.

I've decided it would be best if I avoid anything involved in spirituality, to play it safe. However, now there's a great absence in my life, with nothing worthwhile to put my time and energy into. There's a deep emptiness and loneliness in my heart with nothing to replace it. My inner compass now has no direction, I don't know what to do with myself anymore, both daily and throughout my life. I feel unremarkable, unsupported, and out of reach of G-d's love.

Thank you for reading through my vent. I hope you're having a good week.

- Jackalope

Well hello, and thank you firstly for reaching out.

To be honest, I believe the majority in the bipolar community or perhaps even the entire mental health community, understands or relates on some level. Also, I won't lie and pretend there is a simple answer here, or that anyone can give you one in the first place.

Now that I've said that, here's my personal subjective view. Spirituality saved me from my existential struggles, but I learnt the hard way that there is a line that I can never cross unless I want to get hospitalised. I tried desperately to balance my spiritual beliefs with reason and this diagnosis I received... it went horribly...for some time. Naturally, l gave up.

Guess what happened. Didn't work out. Depression kicked in faster than ever, and I'm talking about the paralysing, scary, losing-self one. Anyway, this happened next:

1. I just stopped surrounding myself with judgemental people who kept putting me down because of spirituality (frankly, I had no energy left).

2. I embraced the fact that I can be both mentally ill and practice spirituality, but starting slow...(no staying up reading on religions or painting visions instead of eating).

3. I switched psychiatrists and was lucky to find a liberal open-minded one, who helped me sort out which beliefs were harmful and which weren't.

4. Again, lucky for me, I found the right medication that kept me stable and offered me a chance to control triggers better.

So, in my experience, yoga and meditation (sometimes hours long) are not harmful but crucial. Yet, anything that occupies me enough to disrupt or just rapidly change my life can be potentially harmful. Welcome to 'the spectre life' of bipolar.

I'm not sure which diagnosis you consider to be correct for you, I can speak as someone with bipolar disorder, and my life is really all about balance. Meaning it goes both ways. I cannot do without spirituality, but I have to be careful not to "bite off more than I can chew."

I hope this helps and if you feel like chatting or anything really, please message me.

I believe truly that you have the capacity to sort this through and that you will be alright.

<3

#bipolar disorder #actuallybipolar #manic depression #actually bipolar #spiritual #spirituality #tw hospitalization #actually mentally ill #manic depressive #actually manic #bipolar mania #ask

[danses-with-dogmeat]

(So sorry for requesting someone from the dlc of nv!) could you write a reaction/headcanon thing where Joshua Graham (fnv), Benny (fnv), and Hancock (fo4) having a crush on Sole/Courier and how they would go about confessing to her? Love your writing btw!

Benny, Joshua Graham, and Hancock having a Crush on F!Six/F!Sole (Headcannons)

Daaaaang, what a lineup you’ve constructed here, Anon! I thank you and applaud you. This was incredible to write! I love all these dudes, and I’m so glad I got to look a lil more into the Ben-man since I really didn’t give him the attention he deserved in my couple play-throughs of NV (holy shit is he a blast to write for), and I’ve never had any interactions with Joshua in-game, but I adore his character, and ugh, my beautiful chaotic good ghoul boi Hancock... ‘nuff said. 

If any of y’all want to see anyone else for this prompt, just lmk! ❤

Links to Parts 2, 3, 4, & 5 of the Crushing Companions Headcannons can be found below!

Benny: 

He’s as surprised as anyone when he finds out about his new-found love for the woman he very nearly executed. It would take him a long time to realize that his thoughts towards her had changed from tentative respect and… well, fear and uncertainty; to hesitant curiosity, to flirtatious interest to... what in the goddamn? Actual attraction? Love?! For the courier… what in the weird 1920s catch phrase was wrong with him?! Oh well, might as well see where this hotsy-totsy jitney is drivin’ em.

Once he realizes his feelings, the Ben-man would be one frustrated cake eater. The suave, flirty tendencies that he's always had now working against him as Six sees them as just another asset of his personality, when, in reality, he really is trying to flirt with her. Figures...

Benny doesn't aim to offend, but his natural tendencies are very sugar daddy-esque; always gifting Six little things, and paying for her food and drinks wherever they go, giving her money to gamble, and parading her around on his arm, showing her off like the dynamite kitten she is. He never asks for anything in return, but he's hoping his gestures might give Six the hint she needs to realize the sincerity of his feelings for her. 

He loves to compliment Six every chance he gets, he's just a smooth talker, okay? And it wouldn't just be on her appearance either (though, those types of compliments would certainly be frequent), he would be sure to comment positively on her personality traits as well. Her strength, her dedication, her resolve, her kindness, her ability to forgive (people for shooting her twice in the head), her passion, her positive outlook on life… you get the idea.

Once he realizes that Six isn’t pickin’ up the clues he’s layin’ out for her, he decides to take it up a notch. Benny plans to tell her outright, to be direct, that's how he likes to operate, after all. So, the chairman takes his lady out for a nice dinner, maybe sees a show, invites her back to his room, and… can't quite seem to get the words out. There they are, sitting on the edge of the bed, she's looking fine as ever, and he's told her that a dozen times throughout the night, he's looking deep into her eyes, the words he longs to say hanging on the edge of his tongue, and yet, he just can't bring himself to say it. This shouldn't be so hard, what did he have to lose? If Six wanted him in the ground, she woulda tried it already, right? They were on good terms, the two of them, and that wasn't about to change cuz he tells her he likes her, right? That'd just make it better, wouldn't it? But… if she didn't return his feelings… why the the hell did that scare him so much?! 

Benny would stand up from the bed, leaving a surprised Courier to remain seated uncertainly as he began to pace around the room. He'd try to say something to her on a few occasions, starting a little differently each time, before stopping dead in his tracks in the middle of the room, bringing his hands to his temples as he tries to clear his head enough to tell them the truth. He aims to keep it plain and simple now. Just out with it, Benny boy, no need to complicate. He'd sit back down, the words running away from his mouth again as he reached out for her. As her gaze dropped down to watch his hand clasp hers, she seemed relaxed, and he took that as a good sign. Benny did often hold her hand, or offer her the crook of his elbow when they were strolling around town, so this shouldn't be overstepping anything. But somehow it felt so… intimate. Instead of chasing down the words he wanted to say, forcing them out in the least eloquent way, he'd decide to take another physical step. One minute they were touching hands, now… Benny leaned in, catching her off guard as her eyes snapped back up just in time to see him coming before his lips crashed into hers. At first, she'd be surprised. In her experience, Benny was all gab, all flirting and smooth talking, tender touches that turned into nothing, but now... This didn’t seem so innocent to her anymore. There was too much earnestness in his touch, too much apprehension in his actions leading up to this, too much desperation as his mouth moved insistently against hers. It didn’t make sense. Perhaps he was finally trying to cash in all of the caps and attention he had been pouring into her since they had reunited. What was he thinking? That he can just throw a few cheap trinkets her way, a decent dinner and a little show, and now she owes him sex? Nuh uh. She doesn’t roll that way. Six would push him away gruffly, prepared to berate the conman for his rudeness before noticing the hurt in his expression as her hands pressed against his chest, his dark eyes forming pools of regret beneath upturned brows. 

Finally, her pleading look would coax the truth out of him, unwavering in its sincerity as she silently begged him to explain himself, if only so she could do the same about her gruff refusal of him.

 "Look baby," he'd say, "I know you don't wanna hear this, but the Ben-man here's got a real shorty doo-op for the dynamite ditty on his duvet." Six would be at a momentary loss for words at his confession, but lucky for him, she's grown pretty fluent in Benny-slang-bullshit-namese and manages to figure out what he's aiming at.

Truth is, Benny doesn't see a reason she'd ever wanna be with him, no matter how he looks, what he wears, what kinda power he's got, where he lives, how many folks he's got working for him, no matter what he can do for her; because he'll still always be the one who hurt her. Who shot her. Who very nearly murdered her. Why she wanted anything at all to do with him, Benny would never know. But when she smiled coyly at him, her eyes shining with a mischief her mouth would later come to echo, he would get the distinct impression that she did in fact, not only want something to do with the chairman, but she wanted a whole lot to do with him. 

She would really have to explain it to him, cuz he would have a hard time grasping the fact that she wanted him in her life at all, but as her partner? Her lover? Her main squeeze? He didn't understand, but gee-willies, he didn't mind one bit.

Joshua Graham:

It takes him a long time to realize the depths of his feelings for the courier, and even when he does, he would try to deny them. But how can he walk beside this person, who so selflessly aided him in his time of need, who helped him of her own accord, without anyone to command her to, without faith to guide her, and only out of the simple kindness of her own heart,  and not have strong feelings towards her? 

Though he initially has difficulty accepting how he has come to feel for her, his actions make it relatively obvious. The way Joshua always insists on being at Six’s side, relentlessly defending her, always listening to what she has to say, seeking her feedback in every situation; the way he opens up to her about his past, presenting to her the many mistakes he has made over his life for her judgment… all of this he does even before he really realizes how he feels. It is when, after she aided him in his endeavor to rid Zion of the White Legs, even though it was hardly her fight; and after he told her of his checkered past, his own side of the story regarding Caesar and the Legion, and she remained by his side, that he knew he was in love with her. When he poured himself out in front of her, and she chose to forgive him, as God once had, it made him feel that divine sense of significance all over again. But this time, it wasn't the harsh burning of his past sins encasing him in their blistering glory, it was a soft and gentle embrace, a kind word that sought to save him from whatever remainder of his sins were left inside him. That sought to show him a love that he wasn't familiar with, one that he thought he would never be able to achieve. How could he be worthy of worldly love after all he's done? He thought he was beyond fortunate to have the Lord on his side, thought God's love was all that he could possibly be entitled to, and only in exchange for his lifelong devotion. Now though, he dared to believe that he could have more… but only if that's what Six wants. 

He has a hard time believing she could want that. After all, it wouldn't be easy to love him, he knew this, he certainly had been struggling with it his whole life, so how could he expect it from someone like her? The former legate would be content to simply let his love for her be enough, not expecting anything in return, not needing it. But over time, it would be more and more difficult to continue traveling at her side without being able to express how he truly feels. In the end, he decides that she deserves to know the truth. Then she can make her own decision, but he cannot go a moment longer holding this secret inside him. 

He waits for the pair to be somewhere secluded, somewhere in nature, the divine beauty of the landscape giving him the courage and support he needs to be honest and vulnerable. They would sit somewhere peaceful, gazing out over the land below as he asks if he could tell her something important. He could feel her uncertainty at his question, knowing it wasn't often that he simply offered to open up like this, but he pressed on with it once she agreed to hear him out. Joshua's not one to beat around the bush, he would tell her outright that he wanted her to know that his feelings for her had grown to be more than platonic, but he would assure her that he didn't intend for their relationship to change. He just finally needed her to know the truth about the feelings he's been harboring for so long.

To that, she would voice her own concern, curious as to why he thought they shouldn't change their relationship, especially if they felt the same way about one another. 

The missionary's stark blue eyes would widen as he turned his attention from the horizon to meet her earnest gaze, noting the utter sincerity shining in the depths of her enchanting eyes. He would curse the bandages upon his face, as they concealed his softened expression. His parted lips forming a veiled smile beneath the linen material as he felt his heart thudding in his chest at her words. She feels the same way? Why? How had he not considered this outcome? 

Seeing his struggle in response to her news, Six would need to take the initiative for a moment, reaffirming her words as she leaned in to lightly press her lips against his own, bandages be damned. He expected to feel pain at the pressure against his flame-torn flesh, but her contact was so delicate, so soft, that he hardly noticed the feeling of it. Instead, he relished in the sense that she was willing to press forward, to try, to give an effort to be with him even given the scars that littered both his flesh and his past.

Hancock:

Poor Handcock's behavior would actually be rather contradicting. As his flirty, cocky, and cool exterior would melt away into a nervous ball of insecurities that would rival even that of Travis Miles. Rather than becoming more flirty and forward, he would become more reserved towards Sole, his compliments would be less frequent but much more meaningful, and his physical contact with her would be nearly obsolete, as he would be afraid of revealing his true feelings and unintentionally pushing too hard. 

Truth is, Hancock's been with loads of partners, and has been in more than a few relationships, though none had been particularly serious. But now, Sole comes along, and she's just… perfect, she is everything Hancock could ever hope to have and so much more than a ghoul like him had any right to. She shares so many of the same values as he does; she's selfless, and caring, and brave, and he already cares about her to the point of being in love, and they're not even together… that's never happened to him before. With this knowledge that he cares about her so deeply, that he needs her in his life and couldn't possibly live without her, he becomes so damn nervous around her that he's afraid to fuck it up before they even get the chance to be with one another. But… he supposed he could stand for simply bottling up his feelings, resigning himself to just spending time with her as her traveling companion, as her friend, and nothing more. If it meant keeping her in his life, then he could do that. Couldn’t he? He may just have to. Unless...

Though Hancock truly does have issues with his own self esteem, he eventually decides to let himself trust in Sole's judgement. He may not think of himself as being worthy of her, but if she assures him that he is what she wants? He'll believe in her choice, and be absolutely over the moon at her decision to give him a chance. 

Even before they're together, the ghoul would do most anything for Sole. He's a fantastic listener, so if she mentions something that she may want, he'll store that away, keeping it in mind as they travel, and actively searching for whatever it might be so he can gift it to her at the right time. And he loves simply talking to her. About anything and everything: their interests, their past, where they think their future will take them, politics, religion, beliefs, history. All. Of. It.  

It would be in a moment like this, just before the pair turn in for the night, after some deep conversation between them as they settled in, that Hancock finally does get the courage to confess. Sole will have to be patient with him, as he would do it in some roundabout way, afraid to be too direct in case she rejects him outright. He would begin by talking about how far they've come, and what it means to him to have her in his life, how lucky he feels to be able to travel the Commonwealth with the likes of her. As her confused expression set in, Hancock would nervously try to speed up the confession, often repeating a lot of what he just said in an attempt to let her know how much he cares for her. When that failed to get the point across, he would begin to compliment her relentlessly, saying all that he sees her as, how incredible she is, how gorgeous, and lovely, and kind-hearted, and strong; as she looks on with bewilderment, wondering to herself where he was going with all this as a flustered smile lights up her blushing, pink face. Man, he sure knows how to make a woman feel special... but he says this kind of stuff with lots of people... doesn’t he? 

When Sole finally cuts him off again, asking gently if he has an ending in mind, he would sigh deeply. Having failed at his attempt at being somewhat subtle, Hancock would finally find the courage to admit to her what he was trying to say. What he's been trying to say for ages now. It would be a simple confession, his words inviting any form or response without demanding any kind of direct reciprocation. He would simply state that he's in love with her, and that he felt like she had a right to know it. He'd harness the courage to look her in the eyes as he told her the truth about his feelings; but afterwards, he couldn't hold her gaze, instead he would opt for the security of peering down at his own lap as he sat beside her, picking nervously at his nails without realizing it. 

He hardly expected any kind of response. If he was lucky, she would nod, thank him for telling her, and say goodnight, turning her back to the sofa he had agreed to sleep on, and they would resume their travels in the morning without really acknowledging what he had said the night before. But hey, at least he was able to get it all off his chest. If he wasn't lucky… well, she might send him away now, for good. And he wasn't sure if he could cope with that shit.  

He never could have expected her true reaction though, as she brought a hand up to smooth over his roughened cheek, drawing his attention back up to her gaze, before she brought her head forwards slowly, closing her eyes as Hancock's widened at her action. The ghoul always adored Sole's lips, but he never could have fathomed how soft they would be against his own. The feeling of her mouth on his was intoxicating, and he couldn't help but deepen the kiss, his mind demanding to know why it took him so damn long to tell her how he felt if this was going to be the outcome.

Part 2 (Arcade, Butch, Piper, Preston, and Veronica)

Part 3 (Benny, Butch, & Danse with M!Six/M!Lone/M!Sole)

Part 4 (Danse, Deacon, & X6-88)

Part 5 (Gage, MacCready, & Maxson)

#fallout #fallout companions #fallout companions reacts #fallout companions reactions #fallout headcanons #fallout 4 #fallout 4 companions #fallout 4 headcanons #fallout 4 companions reacts #fallout 4 companions reactions #fallout new vegas #fallout new vegas companions #fallout new vegas headcannons #fo4 #fo4 headcanons #fonv #fallout benny #benny fonv #benny gecko #fallout joshua graham #joshua graham #burned man #joshua graham fonv #fallout hancock #john hancock #hancock fo4 #thanks for the ask! #and the kind words #you're the best

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter seven - “the king is dead”

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.7k

synopsis: shuri has awful news. the reader is terrified but bucky is strangely calm. the world is turned upside down, and not in a good way.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N]: this was so fun to write omg get ready it’s finally getting interesting!!! (as always, OC on my wattpad @ / typicaldaze)

Months had gone by since that day at the lake. Countless therapy sessions had been endured, several hard questions asked, many many issues worked through. Bucky suffered through a few more anxiety attacks along the way, but they never hindered his resolve, thanks to (Y/N). They had made progress, good, solid progress. Bucky was pleased; (Y/N) was thrilled. It's hard to see change when you're the one going through it. However, to the person guiding that change, every step forward is recognized. She was proud. She was genuinely proud of him. He wasn’t “fixed,” he still had struggles, but he was a lot better off then before.

There was something peculiar, though. Their relationship was strictly professional, (Y/N) knew that. However, she couldn't help but feel as though along the sidelines of their progress, they had grown to become friends. She knew that, clinically, this was not appropriate, but there were no corporate guidelines she was working under. She was helping him. So, what would it matter if after all this was over, they were friends? What would it matter if his therapist also operated as his friend? Hell, she didn't even have an official therapist position here! Sharon just sent her to help. (Y/N) had decided she didn't care about the boundaries being crossed. Nothing ever went wrong with someone gaining a friend. It's fine.

Regardless, the two of them had thoroughly addressed the anxiety and the PTSD, and he now officially had both diagnoses. He understood himself and his brain so much better, and with (Y/N)'s help, he not only acknowledged his disorders, but accepted them. She taught him to not see them as the enemy, not something that was wrong with him. They were just a part of him, same as his brown hair or blue eyes.

Bucky was so much more open now. He was less on edge and more comfortable, especially around her. In all honesty, he was usually his most comfortable with her. He had coping skills and everything!

This was all grand and good, but (Y/N) hoped with everything in her that it wouldn't be ruined by the present disaster.

-

"I thought he was automatically supposed to be king?" (Y/N) asked, confused.

She was at her weekly meeting with Shuri for Bucky's treatment plan, and the young genius had just told her she couldn't make it next week due to T'Challa's coronation.

"He is," Shuri started, "but it's Wakandan tradition to open the position up to a dual. So, his rule isn't set in stone."

"Oh... What if someone... challenges him?"

"Then they will fight! However, I have no worries. T'Challa is a great warrior, and though I doubt anyone would challenge him, he would win if they did."

(Y/N) admired the faith Shuri had in her brother. She could tell their bond was strong.

"Couldn't you technically challenge him?"

Shuri revealed a kind of devilish smirk that only a sibling can muster. "Oh, I have thought about it. But I am much more useful in my lab, and T'Challa wouldn't know what to do with himself if he wasn't in charge."

(Y/N) looked back on the memory anxiously as she stared in horror at the look on Shuri's face. A wicked mix of fear, grief, and stress drained all the color from the princess' normally dark, beautiful skin. Shuri had always radiated confidence and composure; seeing this change worried (Y/N) deeply.

"The King is dead."

Her face became void of any expression and all she could process was fear. She thought she gasped but she couldn't remember breathing out again. Her brain was frozen. (Y/N) was in a foreign country that just lost its monarch. She was alone, and all the people she was relying on to protect her just had their kingdom invaded and taken over by someone with the word kill as part of their nickname. She was almost certain that this would be her end.

"Dr. (Y/L/N)?" Shuri said unsteadily. "Did you hear me?"

"Y-Yes I... What are we going to do?" her voice was weak and small. Pathetic and afraid.

Then, thoughts of Bucky crossed her mind. What would happen to him? He could fight, she supposed, but he doesn't have any weapons or gear and he'd be against an entire regime. What if they killed him? What if they tortured him? Different scenarios quickly flashed through her brain, but she could only one concrete thought.

I have to find him.

"My family and I have a plan, but we can't take you with us."

Any remaining semblance of hope dissipated from (Y/N)'s body, and she swore she could feel her veins quiver with apprehension.

"What?"

Her voice felt far away.

"It is not ideal, and I'd never leave you unless I had to. But Agent Everett Ross is here. It's a long story, but as you know, he can't find out about Sergeant Barnes. He can't know that either of you are here. If we take you with us, it could compromise everything we've been working for," the nervous princess explained.

"So... what of me and Bucky?"

"Again, it's a long story, but there's a... sort of fallout shelter - I guess you could call it - that was built years and years ago when the first tribes of Wakanda were constantly at war with one another. I will give you supplies and directions, and you two must go there and remain hidden until this is all over."

Fantastic. (Y/N) would get to play Cold War nuclear fallout in Wakanda.

"How will we know?"

Shuri gave her a somber look. A look of uncertainty and immense guilt.

"I wish I could apologize enough, my partner, but I do not know. I promise I will try to contact you as soon as I get any information, but for now we must hurry. We do not have much time."

With that, Shuri took (Y/N)'s arm and quickly led her her outside. It was late afternoon and the air was beginning to cool. They ran, locked together, until they met the Queen under a large tree among the outskirts of a nearby forest. The woman looked just as shaken up as Shuri.

(Y/N) could see bags of different shapes and sizes at the base of the tree. She could only hope whatever was in there was sufficient for survival.

Shuri immediately embraced her mother, but the moment was short lived as she then bent down to gather the bags.

The Queen placed her hands gently on the sides of the psychologist’s face. "I am so sorry, child. This does not involve you in the slightest yet you are swept up in the middle of it."

Shuri handed her mother the bags and they both geared (Y/N) up with all her supplies. It was heavy. Really heavy. She realized she was carrying supplies for two. Then, there was panic.

"What about Bucky?"

"Barnes doesn't know about any of this yet. I thought it best he heard it from you," Shuri expained, "and we cannot afford anymore delays. Us or you. You must go now, tell Barnes what is happening and go. I wish I could be more help, but we simply don't have the time."

(Y/N) nodded, trying to process all the chaos. She was internalizing every bit of it. As a result, she was once again, frozen.

"Dr. (Y/L/N)!" Shrui exclaimed.

Her head shot up, snapped out of it.

"Go! You must go!"

And with that, (Y/N) took off. She had been in Wakanda long enough to know her way around the castle's surrounding land. Her speed didn't last very long as she was carrying for two, but she tried all she could to keep going as quickly as possible.

Eventually she found herself outside of Bucky's living quarters. She didn't know what to do, so she knocked.

An array of different emotions went through Bucky's face. At first he looked pleased, but then he saw the horror etched into (Y/N)'s features, and the bags she was carrying. He could tell something was wrong.

"What happened?" he asked, surprisingly calm, while immediately taking some of the bags from (Y/N). He still only had one arm but that really didn't seem to matter to him.

She was out of breath, face flushed and eyes wide.

"The King is dead," she said breathlessly. "Someone... someone killed him a-and took over."

Bucky didn't look as scared as (Y/N) felt. In fact, he looked... totally fine?  She was so out of it she wanted to curl up in a hole and allow natural death. How was the anxious man she was accustomed to so at ease? The world was flipped upside down and (Y/N) had no control. She wished there was a word stronger than fear because she couldn't even describe what she was feeling.

"Okay," Bucky said, gently taking another bag, leaving her with only one to carry, "What did Shuri say? What do we have to do?"

She shook her head, trying to regain her breath and her composure. "There's um - there's a fallout shelter thing we have to go to. Here."

She handed  him a crumpled up piece of paper that Shuri gave her. A map with directions. (Y/N) knew he would've been better at locating it than she could at that moment.

"Alright," more of the calm voice filled her ears. "Anything else?"

"There are more details, but - we don't have time," she sighed, restlessly. Her voice began to shake ever so slightly. "Bucky, I'm so sorry. We have to go now. I promise I'll tell you everything."

"Okay," he said again. He bent down slightly, looking her directly in the eyes. " (Y/N), we're fine, okay? We're good, and we're gonna be fine. I will get us there. Are you ready?"

She nodded, steeling herself.

Bucky looked at the map, then glanced up in the direction of the shelter. He took (Y/N)’s forearm firmly. She gave him a look, confirming she was ready. And off they went.

#bucky barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky headcanon #marvel #steve rogers #bucky reader insert #bucky blurb #bucky drabble #bucky fic #marvel fanfiction #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x female reader #james buchanan bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #winter solider edit

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to Lies!

It's another long one because so much happens in this episode! The episode starts with Marinette trying to figure out a "secret" within the grimoire. Literal first thought was that this "secret" may be the key to waking up Emilie. It's obviously going to be of huge significance later, anyway. By looking at that piece on Adrien, it does appear Adrien has an amazing life. And really, that's what a lot of people think. That's the point of featuring him. A life of a celebrity is pretty amazing, really interesting and fascinating. But it's also filled with a lot of stress, chaos, loneliness, etc. But viewers rarely ever see it. As for Marinette, while Adrien has said things about what his father allows that makes him sad, we haven't ever heard him complain to her in any way about that lifestyle. To her, he's a guy whose father has him busy with activities (interesting ones at that) and very rarely ever lets him spend time with friends. I love how this episode parallels Truth! But Adrien's POV. My boy has an episode centered around him, finally!

So we know her standing Chat Noir up is because Luka came by reminding her of a date she forgot she rescheduled. You know she's extremely distracted and stressed when she can't remember a date with Luka or a patrol with Chat Noir, or remember that she planned them at the same time. It's really not her fault, and I feel so bad for her that things are becoming so difficult. "No messages, but don't forget my cheese!" LOL this is perfect. Plagg has to get that reminder in wherever he can! The Chat Noir appreciation was so wholesome to see awww, I bet so many boys in Paris look up to him, so sweet x33 Mr. Banana, Chat Noir, and the man who frequently is Mr. Pigeon just chilling on a bench in the park together. What a scene! lol But Chat wanting them to be akumatized so he could see Ladybug. Big oof. He's going to get his wish, a few times over. Careful what you wish for, Kitty! "A glass of milk as usual, mister Chat Noir?" Okay so when Chat's down, he goes to that bar and has a glass of milk. Or more if he's having a bad day. Awwwww. If you think about it, Adrien probably isn't allowed to have milk. With the fat content and all. :/ Kagami lying to her mother and Nathalie/Gabriel just to spend some time with Adrien. Considering how difficult their lives are, that's pretty impressive to be so brave. Not too fond of the lying part though, since there's not a noble reason for doing so. But I can understand it. We found out Kagami's real passion: drawing! Which is pretty cool. That's one thing Kagami and Marinette have in common that'd make them good friends. Very sad how her blind mother tells her she's not good enough. That just tells you what she thinks of her daughter and what she wants her to do with her life. She's afraid she'll pursue the arts rather than something practical, so best shoot down any thoughts of being an artist now. And then, like with all episodes that have Kagami in them, this is where I start to dislike her. "I want to draw the real you, on the inside." Adrien makes various model poses, none work for her as she knows they're just him being a model. Then he actually poses as himself. A silly, goofy cat having fun and being happy. Adorable. "What do you think of... CAT?" deathglare "No, this is absolutely not natural." "Yes it is. I promise, this is really me!" "NO! This is you when you're acting like a clown!" Adrien looking hurt, "But maybe when I act like a clown, it's really me." Then she takes his hand, (gently) pushes him back up against the wall, her hands on his chest, "That way, that's who you really are." What way? Her telling him how to be is who he really is? He stammers, looking very uncomfortable. "But are you sure?" "Yes... you are perfect." Then she leans in to kiss him, while he's still looking uncomfortable. Right here, she's trying to tell him who he is. What kind of relationship is healthy and a good one one at that, when one side is trying to tell the other who they are, how they must act, etc? That's toxic. Keep in mind, after this scene, during Truth's attack. He found out that Ladybug actually in fact loves (said she prefers) the humorous, "clown" side of him. Yes, she only knows it as Chat Noir for now, but she actually appreciates and loves Chat for who he is. Kagami doesn't love nor appreciate that side of Adrien. Which is a very big and important side of him. We knew this in Ikari Gozen, she couldn't stand the thought of Chat Noir being compared to Adrien, pretty sure she even seemed offended by it if memory serves. But it's laid out more in Lies, it's more direct. (Marinette's done this too in the past, but when she's done it, her tone's more like pssssh please! while she looks off to the side, like she's mostly just telling herself that, to convince herself, rather than believing it.) Kagami thinks she knows Adrien, knows that him being funny and a clown is not the "real" him. Acting like she knows him better than he knows himself. Thinking he's perfect. That was a very hurtful thing to have said and you can see it in his expression the same kind of pain and hurt

he gets a lot. I also want to talk about how watching her back Adrien up against the wall like that and leaning into kiss him made me feel particularly uncomfortable. While they might have a little thing going on, he was clearly not comfortable by it and it just did not sit well with me. This entire scene was riddled with red flags. Adrien smiled at the end of that on his way out, yes, but having someone tell you you're perfect would seem like a compliment to you, wouldn't it? The one you like thinks you're perfect, thinks the facade you put up is perfect and anything less isn't okay with them. That'll end up so well! The almost kissing scenes this episode literally had me like

I'm sorry, I just feel so very uncomfortable by them, I can't help it. xD Just before Chat Noir sneaked up on Ladybug, he almost kissed Kagami right? And yet here he is, being a bit flirty, saying he's missed her on patrols. I also want to point out she tells him to stop with his stupid jokes, because she doesn't want to accidentally hurt him! She could've hurt him by scaring her like that. While she likes his humor, they're only problematic if it puts himself in danger or distracts them from fighting an akuma. "I promise I won't forget our patrols anymore." The looks that passed between LB and CN here is just so cute! OOOF as Luka walks away sad because Marinette had to run off, here comes Adrien, about to do the exact same thing as Marinette to Kagami... Now Kagami's not as accepting of him running off as she was just a little while ago.

Even Andre's like, what the heck was that?! His expression watching Adrien run off made me laugh, I had to share it. I was wondering how Adrien got to the boathouse before Marinette did, as it made it seem like Adrien was there long before Marinette was. He just ran in and started playing along where they were. Good lord, he has a lot going on too, doesn't he? Only difference from Marinette here is Adrien has a built-in and believable excuse he can tell his friends. Kagami's forceful "Adrien, it's time." "Five little minutes?" *shakes head sternly* Who does this remind you of in Adrien's life already? Is this what a good girlfriend, what a good friend would do? And here again is the pattern we see a lot with Kagami. She manipulates situations so that they can spend time together. Adrien wants to spend time with his friends AND girlfriend at the same time. Rehearsing for their band, it looks like. He rarely ever gets to spend time with others, be a normal kid. But no, she drags him away early, making it sound like they had to leave, but it's just her wanting him to herself. When he couldn't go to New York, oh well that's unfortunate you're sad, but we can spend more time together now, isn't that great? It's about what she wants, not what he wants or what's best for Adrien. She spends more time with Adrien (not counting Ladybug spending time with Chat Noir here) than anyone else does by the looks of it, and she doesn't even know him at all. It's really sad. Adrien still carrying around Marinette's lucky charm bracelet in his pocket x3333 This never fails to make me happy. But oof that boy's seriously going to lose it one of these days if he's not careful! There's something different about seeing the Ladynoir scene on the roof that we got in Truth, but from Adrien's perspective. Something about it feels like it means more to me, idk. Adrien gets caught in a lie, saying he lost something but found it. Kagami asked what it was, holding Marinette's lucky charm behind her back. He says it was the lucky charm Marinette gave her, as he's scrambling in his pocket to pull it out seeming a bit frazzled, but realizes he actually in fact lost it (again! he says). But Kagami caught him in that lie, showing him that she actually had it.

I'm not sure if he's so shocked because she actually had it and wonders how she got it, or if he looks like that because he just got caught in a lie. But the way his eyebrows raised a little makes it seem like he's surprised she had it after all and was testing him the whole time. I've always hated the way sometimes someone when in a relationship will test the other one like this. Really not fair in Adrien's case at all. Things aren't always as they may seem. And here's the thing, she's admitting to him that she's lying just to be with him. She lies all the time. Adrien caught on that she was lying, but didn't really understand why I don't think. Earlier in the episode he says, "What are you hiding, Kagami?" he didn't know her purpose for it. Now she says, "We're both liars, the difference is I lie to be with you. You. You lie to get away from me." Which is a yes but actually no situation. It's not that he doesn't want to be with her, it's that he needs to get away temporarily. It just looks really, really bad. Getting off track from that conversation briefly, but that scene where the akuma goes off into the night, with the blurred city lights that becomes clear. Just wow. That shot is beautiful, I can't help myself from playing it back and admiring it. I'm also totally digging the new transformation music! it gives me 90s vibes and makes me happy. Seeing Jagged after Truth is just completely different xD "I fear nothing, I am an artist! I still hold to my fans." Both Roth: "Wrong, you lie to them about your age!" "That's not Rock and Roll!" Had me rolling!! Jagged sure is something XD Chat just up and about to cataclysm the sphere, thinking he'd be okay because he doesn't lie. Except he lies all the time to protect his identity and get himself away from people so he can transform. xD Silly Kitty. The drone as a Lucky Charm is super cool! In Truth, Chat Noir said a truth about how he felt about Ladybug. In Lies, he tells lies to Lies to get her attention. "My name's not Chat Noir! I'm not a superhero! I hate Ladybug! And I think Hawk Moth should've called himself Panfly! It's funnier! Oh, I was about to forget: my favorite dish is cabbage with white sauce! Yummy!" Cabbage...with white sauce... as a dish. Is this like, a real fancy dish or something or is this boy being completely starved? o.o CN: "There are only two more liars left in Paris, and one of them knows how to turn his attention." LB: "No, wait! Don't do that! What if I'm mistaken?" "You know what? I trust you." he lets go, sacrificing himself again "Chat Noir, no! Don't do that! You're crazy!" "Yes, crazy for you, m'lady." Says softly, sadly, "No, you're just crazy unconscious." This ENTIRE scene right here. The love, the trust, the pain in this scene. It's so beautiful and well done that I can't stop getting emotional from it and gushing! Everything's on the line from that decision, and the trust he has for her, the faith he has in her really helps her know she can do what she needs to do. She's always doubting herself, and he's always there to say he doesn't feel that way at all, and it gives her that confidence and courage she needs. The moment Chat Noir is okay, the first thing Ladybug does is run up and smack him, grabbing him anxiously saying "Seriously, you need to stop doing this to me!" The girl is stressed seeing her partner sacrifice himself time and again! IF THIS BOY DOESN'T REALIZE JUST HOW MUCH SHE CARES ABOUT HIM AT THIS POINT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. Any fan that still thinks Ladybug doesn't love Chat Noir and thinks poorly of him, clearly does not understand it at all. My Ladynoir heart is SO HAPPY! I was thrilled with them in Truth, but this is a totally different level. I'm almost in tears with how happy I am. And then I noticed something. I don't know if it's anything or not. But Chat Noir says to her, "Yes, but it's because I find that angry look of yours irresistable." and Kagami turns around to look at him, only him and never Ladybug. Just watching him. Which is a bit... odd. "Ahh, Ladybug..." he sighs. After what

just happened, I don't blame him! x3 These two are honestly fire. When D'Argencort has to step in to keep Kagami from hurting Adrien during fencing... Doesn't matter how upset she is, that's gross to physically take it out on him to the point a teacher has to intervene. Kagami tells Adrien she knows he's hiding something, but that he's sincere, too. But when he asks if they can't be friends then, she responds, "How can you trust someone who lied to you?" and finally gives him back the lucky charm. Ever since Gorizilla, I've been worrying of him losing it for good! Glad she gave it back to him. I've said it already, but he's really going to lose that thing if he's not careful! "When I'm ready to see you again, I'll let you know." and she just leaves. I get she's upset, he's been lying to her to get away when he's with her and all that. But this is worse than what happened with Lukanette. Luka wanted to actually know what was going on, he asked Marinette about it directly. She told him honestly, it's the one thing she can't tell him. Kagami on the other hand never actually asked. During one of the scenes when he was spacing out, she asked what was the matter is all. All she's cared about is that he's lied, and now that he's lied she can't trust him. Doesn't even want to hear him out, not that he'd explain it to her. Kagami doesn't even want to see Adrien for awhile now. At least Luka's more understanding and isn't as harsh being in the exact same situation. This poor boy... But it's also for the best. Marinette and Adrien both after breaking up with Luka and Kagami, decided to transform and meet up to just be in each other's company. They're both sad, but not especially so. "Do you know what the difference is, between us and the rest of the world, m'lady? We can't be completely honest with each other. We have our secrets, and sometimes we have to lie." Ladybug frowning hums in agreement. But at the same time, they both turn to each other and say happily "But we know we can trust each other!" finishing with a pound-it! IT'S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL AND MY HEART IS HAPPY After Truth, where Luka and Marinette were so sad and having a hard time, I really needed such an episode with such good Ladynoir! It really looks like the story is going in a really good direction, in my opinion. x3

#ml #miraculous ladybug #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #ml season 4 spoilers #ml spoilers season 4 #ml spoilers #lies spoilers #adrien agreste #ladynoir #ladybug #chat noir #it took me HOURS to write this up so sorry it's late #if I could only pick one ship to ship in the entire show #it'd be ladynoir #if you couldn't tell

[phantaloon-books]

(some) Riordanverse characters (bc I never read TKC) and which Hogwarts House I think they would be in

Warning: this is a long one

Nico: the dude is definitely Gryffindor without a doubt. Like Sorting isn't about some traits and some characteristics, it's about core personality. He may have gone through some of the roughest stuff when he was 10-12, and he was resentful and bitter, but he was brave and bold af throughout everything he did. From learning about his powers, to using them relentlessly despite knowing how exhausted he is afterwards, to his willingness to do whatever is necessary to do what has to be done, because it has to be done. You can't change my mind that he's Gryffindor lol.

Grover: Do I even need to explain why he's Gryffindor? He's a satyr, and even if we're shown strong satyrs, they're not really supposed to be brave fighters. Yet he is one of the strongest, bravest nature spirits we've ever encountered in the Riordanverse, and one of the bravest in general. Like he's so passionate about doing what is good, he's a hero, and the only thing he doesn't match with common Gryffindors is that he's humble and as far from arrogant as could be possible, but it doesn't take his courage away.

Hazel: She's Gryffindor, and core personality-wise, she and Nico are very much alike. They don't ever think about themselves, like Hazel really always does what has to be done, no matter the cost, I mean she literally died preventing Gaea to rise the first time, and she freed Thanatos while believing he would take her back to the Underworld. She's brave af, and she has one of the most strong willpower we've seen in the Riordanverse. She's a passionate hero, and she's the closest thing to a real knight in shining armor.

Lester: I'm gonna place him in Gryffindor because I don't think he fits in in the other houses lmao. That said, as Apollo he's very shitty, but as Lester, he's one of the most courageous people. He's grown so much, he's so willing to actually do stuff now, and sacrifice everything to do what's right, including his life, even if he doesn't know he's gonna survive. Hell, he really went most of TTT with an incredibly painful wound that nearly turned him undead, and he cared more for the future of Camp Jupiter than his own life. Additionally, he's a bit arrogant and cocky, but he truly means well, I love Lester so much.

Clarisse: Look look, all I have to say is that no one could have pulled off less than half the stuff Clarisse has done, she's so Gryffindor it hurts. She's reckless and impulsive, but she's driven by her passion to do good, even if she's the daughter of war, and was bullied by her own father. She's daring, she's bold and she is the hero. She's also arrogant and thinks she can solve everything by herself, something characteristic more of the canon Gryffindors in the books, rather than what the fans have shaped. In fact, she's very much like Gryffindors in the books, who are actually very rude to other houses and think they're the best. Still, at heart, she's in this house.

Alex: I'm in a huge dilemma about where to put them, but I reckon they'd fit pretty fine in Gryffindor. Not only are they daring and courageous, they're proud of who they are, but not in a too full of themselves kind of way, rather in a 'I am who I am, and if you can't accept me, fuck off' kind of way. They can get carried away rather easily though, and very arrogant, thinking they don't need anyone else, when they do in fact need some company. They are one of the kindest and at the same time most ambitious characters we've met, but they are brave beyond understanding in a very personal way, thus, Gryffindor.

Percy: I think it's fair to say he'd be Hufflepuff, because loyalty is literally his fucking fatal flaw, and he is the kindest sweetheart to all those who deserve it, he goes out of his way to help those who need help, whether that be mortals, halfbloods, gods, magical creatures or even his own enemies. He's too good for this world, and even if he's grown a bit bitter, he always looks to fight justly for what is right, and never loses faith in others. That, and the fact that he turned down immortality so that the olympians were more inclusive of minor gods, and their children were treated better. He's just a lovely soul, he's like 80% Hufflepuff so that's enough for me. All that and he's stubborn as hell.

Jason: Hufflepuff. Just, undoubtedly Hufflepuff. Like he seems to be this cold and self centered hero with a superiority complex (bc of all the son of Jupiter stuff) but he's the softest guy there is. Not only is he hardworking, open minded and kind, he appreciates justice but he doesn't seek for revenge or anything, he makes sure people are treated fairly and wants everyone to be accepted. Proof of that is how he continued Percy's job of including more gods, and made sure Nico felt comfortable with who he was. He truly has a heart of gold. (He deserved better btw)

Meg: God I can't decide between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor, but I think I'll go with the former. She's so strong, my baby, she's faced so much wrong, but she's still so kind and understanding of others, especially those who deserve kindness. She puts up such a hard facade, but she's so patient and warm and inclusive. She's brave and strong (as strong as the big three kids, if not stronger), but she's also so loyal to her beliefs despite how she was forced someone else's beliefs for years, so I'll keep her in Hufflepuff. Also, she's stubborn af, and she can be lazy, so that settles it.

Will: I KNOW some people will say Will could be in other houses that are not Hufflepuff, BUT I won't have it any other way. Will is literally the warmest person ever. He is kind and sympathetic and enthusiastic and patient and inclusive. Like Helga Hufflepuff would take one look at him and lose her shit screaming "mine". He's the guy who saw the son of Hades so many people were scared of and immediately grabbed his hand and transfered him some warmth and didn't let him go ahead and get himself killed. He's also the one who everyone loves and likes, so much that Clarisse gets along with him and he can calm her down. He's the ideal Hufflepuff, you can't change my mind.

Magnus: I mean, what else can you expect from the son of the god of summer? He's literally a guy who heals others with warmth. He's also the guy who spent years on the street with the most difficult situations, and accepts every single person the way they are. He's inclusive af, and tolerant of everything. He's the guy who's closest include a deaf elf, a Muslim valkyrie, and a black dwarf, and he's dating a genderfluid person. Yes he's brave, and he's kinda smart, and he's ambitious, BUT none of those qualities overpower his Hufflepuff nature.

Piper: Kinda debated whether Gryffindor or Ravenclaw fits more, but in the end I went with Ravenclaw. Even though she isn't a fighter, she's very very brave, yet her bravery isn't compared to her wits. Like others in the PJOverse, she wins her fights by outsmarting her opponents, but unlike others that's one of her strongest traits. She's witty and creative and a little on the negative side, she really struggled to work in a group rather than by herself. On another note, she's able to keep calm in crazy situations and come up with the craziest most unthinkable solutions (I'm talking borderline ridiculous) that always somehow work. She's not booksmart, but she knows so much about everything, and she's lifesmart you know?

Reyna: Why are some of these so hard? Deeply debating whether she'd be Ravenclaw or Slytherin. In the end I'd go more for Ravenclaw though. Reyna's smart as hell, she's strong and sharp, and she always sees the best way out of a situation. She's witty and observant, being able to keep her cool in battle and lead others in the best direction. She's always looking to grow, and she prefers to do things on her own, but she's a great leader. She has some Slytherin qualities, and she's not learning as learning oriented as others, but she's definitely Ravenclaw.

Sam: Let's face it, Sam has the only active neurons in all of MCGA, she's definitely Ravenclaw. I'm gonna be honest though, I've only read MCGA once, so I can't remember much of their personalities, but Sam is witty and clever, pretty much the only one who can come up with competent plans, while the others rely mostly on luck and whatever plan they can cook up in 5 seconds. She's loyal and true to who she is, and she's extremely courageous and proud of who she is, but her sharpness is what she stands out for me, which is why I put her in Ravenclaw.

Annabeth: I know the obvious option is Ravenclaw, but I genuinely think she's also Slytherin. Yes she is booksmart and wise like Ravenclaw, but her personality matches Slytherins' ambitious, cunning and resourceful nature. She's smart as fuck, but she's calculative, she always finds a way to end up winning, and while she does so by outsmarting her opponents, she wouldn't need to outsmart them if she weren't so competitive. I feel like there's this 40/60 odds on Slytherin rather than Ravenclaw, but it's that small difference that counts. Plus her leadership skills are so powerful that people don't ask, they just know she's the boss.

(Also just picture the sweet and loyal Hufflepuff boy with the strong and cunning Slytherin girl, like it should be as opposite as it is with Poseidon and Athena, but they're so cute)

Leo: Idk what you can expect that's not Slytherin. This boy is the embodiment of ambition and determination. Reminder that not all Slytherins are bad btw (I'm slytherin myself), but like he's life smart and cunning, and he can analyze situations faster than anyone else. He's charismatic and talented, and there's no one to stop him from triumphing. I don't have much to say, I just know he'd be in Slytherin.

Rachel: She's kinda a difficult one, and I struggle between Gryffindor and Slytherin, and tbh I'm still not sure. But I think I'd place her in Slytherin, because even if she's brave af (especially since she was a mortal fighting in a war out of her power), her main trait is her determination. When she's set on something, she gets it done. You can't tell her she can't do something, because she will find a way to do it. She's kind, and she's only a mortal, but she still has incredible power unlike any other. I don't think I can really name it, but I think she'd be put on Slytherin with much difficulty from the Sorting Hat.

Luke: Where else could Luke possibly go? On the meaner side Slytherins have created themselves, Luke would be part of those misled by who preceded them, by those who want to take advantage of their mistreatment (bc let's face it, Slytherins are mistreated by both students and Hogwarts staff), and turn them cold and bitter. Luke is ambitious and manipulative, being manipulated himself, and it comes easily because of his natural charisma and talent. He's very freaking determined and cunning too. He'd fit right into Slytherin, but he'd be viewed as one of the rotten lot.

Thalia: I don't have much to say about this, but Thalia is the girl whose fatal flaw is their desire for power (or smth along those lines), just like most Slytherins. She's ambitious, she's smart, she's truly talented, she stands out between the rest, and she knows it, and she actually kinda likes it.

(Also I put Annabeth, Thalia and Luke in the same house because they're all kinda similar, even if their beliefs and postures are different.

Frank: Ngl I'm having more difficulty with Frank than anyone else. I'm kinda torn between Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. I literally can't choose. He'd fit perfectly in any of them lmao, I just can't decide where he'd go. You decide this one yourself.

Please keep in mind, this is my personal opinion and my take on the characters, and not all of you will agree, and that's fine! You can let me know what you think (kindly please, don't come at me), and if you want to, send me an ask on a character you want me to do the same as these (as long as it's not TKC, I'M SORRY I haven't read those) go ahead, don't be shy!

#pjo #hoo #toa #mcga #riordanverse #percy jackson and the olympians #heroes of olympus #percy jackson #annabeth chase #grover underwood #nico di angelo #clarisse la rue #luke castellan #will solace #jason grace #piper mclean #leo valdez #frank zhang #hazel levesque #magnus chase #alex fierro #samirah al abbas #hogwarts houses #gryffindor #hufflepuff #ravenclaw #slytherin #rachel elizabeth dare #lester papadopoulos #meg mccaffrey

[kittyandco]

reverence

Summary: Billy has a fearsome surprise for Kitty... but it doesn't quite work out. Blinded by love, of course, she's actually happy to see him after such a long, lonely time.

Word count: 789

Warnings for death mentions, but nothing too major.

A READ/LIKE/OR REBLOG WOULD BE SO APPRECIATED!!!

Another night, and another self-directed conversation. So many of these that by now she had to imagine another voice or she’d drive herself crazy. Crazier than whatever was going on in this nowhere town… the one place she could find peace was here in her bedroom, where she died to herself night after night, and died to whoever everyone else thought she was. Just died. Or so she hoped, one day, someday.

She laid sprawled pathetically across the sheets, head dangling over the threshold of a noisy mattress, letting the moon veil her face. Blinking into its piercing gentleness, she sighed. Stayed quiet. Told the trees to quiet down in silent complaint, in which they shook defiantly, deeply; a reminder of just how lonely it really was. But she didn’t miss the life down the stairs, the kind of life that she vowed to escape one day, by death or otherwise, the reminder that life can take a turn for the worse and manifest into misery if you aren’t careful. Or just don’t care at all. Turning into years, taking everyone down with you. She was spared tonight.

Laid on her back like a dead bug. She imagined a ghostly touch across her body, in the place of one she’s been missing. She imagined so much in this bed. It’s where she died, but maybe it’s where she really lived, too. Lived what she wanted to live, and could be herself, could be the Kitty she thought herself to be but never really was, if you ask just about anyone who knows her. Imagine the disappointment.

More of nothing. She threw a pillow that bothered her a little too much, huffing. It knocked the closet door open that much more, in a quick creak of its hinges. Like her own personal black hole. Something different about it. Like it breathed.

Nothing. Probably, definitely nothing. But she towed through life with deadly curiosity, which had somehow, unfortunately, never caught up with her, and let it raise her up off the coffin for a bed, and her feet slid into motion, and she reached for the doorknob, pulling. A whisper of white. A presence. Thank God.

She didn’t scream, she didn’t say a thing. Instead, quiet. Still. Contrarian. She leered into the darkness with her hollow eyes, coaxing, hoping. Managing not to dream right then and there, that the blade would come up right through her. She knew he held it with a ravenous, merciless hand. Fingers aching, desiring, needing to envelop.

“Come out of there.” Those were probably the first words she’d spoken all day. Only to be met with silence, more and more silence. “C’mon,” she eventually chortled, with an opportune placement of her hand on a strong mass of black, “Come out of there. It’s just us tonight.” Absolutely nothing. “Billy.”

Her jests and eventual pleas were still met with silence. His brand of intimidation didn’t work anymore, not since it had become time to trust one another, as she decided a while before now. Another haunting minute passed before she couldn’t wait any longer, reaching up to paw the rubbery, ghostly mask away, discarding the thing like its empty eyes hadn’t seen the horrors of a man’s true nature. Fearful and evil. And yet, she still cooed to him like newborn admirers always did, inevitably, when reason was lost to the heart. “What are you doing? Trying to scare me?” Her voice softer than anything, certainly more than a spring moon’s glow.

In return, he granted his own kind of reverence, “Maybe. Yeah. Did it work?”

“Not really,” she grinned, then sighed, discontent waning, making way for an igniting thrill as her eyes followed the trail of a blade, teasing up, and up… as it kissed her jaw coldly, with the quick rush of parting lovers.

“You handled it pretty well. What if it wasn’t me? What if I was some impostor?”

“What? Are you trying to test me now? I know it’s you. I can tell.”

“How so?” It didn’t matter, so long as it was some romantic will, that he craved so secretly and deeply, all the while knowing she would give it to him. He knew she would do that very perfect thing. She handled her role expertly, with passion and effort, the tenderest care. Because it’s more than fulfillment. More than fantasy. How could he ever fathom anything that real.

“I just know. Because I love you,” she said, battling a smile. Battling and winning, all of her features collectively falling, slowly, into a focused somberness. From here, the moonlight captured them like a spotlight, like stars of the show. Their eyes met, warm and slow, commanding that their lips do the same.

#haven't written for us in so long #okay to reblog #💕 kiss me through the phone #fic #self ship #selfship #selfshipping #self ship community #self shipping community #f/o community #self insert community #self insert #s/i x canon #oc x canon #self insert x canon #self ship fic #self ship fanfic #self insert fic #self insert fanfiction #scream #scream 1996 #uh oh putting it in The Tags #slasher oc #oc writing

[nova9]

Taiyuu oct round 2. | Aimi vs Shou |

@taiyuu-high-oct

*im on mobile so it won't let me add a tab sorry for the wall of text!!!

To say you were nervous was an understatement, a very, very big one. And that nervousness only got worse and worse as you and your other classmates got closer to where you'd all be separated.

As a new transfer, you'd not managed to form strong bonds with anyone yet, but you didn't know anyone in class 1A that didn't consider you as a good team member, no one particularly disliked you, that you knew of at least.

But that was class 1A class 1B was a different story. You knew for a fact that there were people who didn't like you for your quirk. You didn't particularly mind that at all because everyone's entitled to their own opinions. Still, now that you were going to be facing off against them, it was an utterly different situation.

Aside from the fact that you'd never really used your quirk in combat against another living thing before. Not even in sparing somehow, you'd gotten away with just avoiding activating your quirk for its intended purposes. Instead of using your blades to strike, they'd only ever been activated to defend you from blows, create armor, or other pretty mundane uses.

This morning as you sat with your classmates and listened to the principal, announce the next round of exams. You'd crossed your fingers, hoping that it would be a written one, but of course, it wasn't, why would it be?

This is a school for future hero's to master their quirks, and to protect people,

To master your quirk, you have to use it in combat.

Something that terrified you to do.

The last time you physically used your quirk on someone, they lost an arm. While yes, they would have died had you not done what you had still, the way your blades so easily cut threw his flesh and bone, like it was nothing but soft butter, was both amazing and downright terrifying.

Years of practice have given you the ability to dull your blades at will, which thanks to your classmates and trainers protective gear and quirks of their own combined with upmost discipline on your end have made it so that no one has gotten their skin broken even accidentally.

But still, you knew better than anyone else that a dull blade is still a blade; all it does is make the cut a lot less clean.

Coming to Tayuu has been both remarkable and utterly awful in the fact that it's like removing a bandage that's been on way too long and has kind of grown into the skin. You're excited to get it off, but it hurts like hell to take it off. You're also too scared to just rip it off all at once, so its just kind of dangling there on your skin getting caught and tugging on things which makes it sting even worse.

You knew that you would be using your quirk on others eventually. You knew that you'd have to do it, but now your stomach feels like it's trying to claw its way out of your throat as you got closer to the place where this whole simulation would be taking place.

As far as you comprehended, all there was to do was locate and retrieve the ball. God, you wished that you had the confidence to just think of it like that. But there was also the fact that you were up against a member of the other class. It could be against someone who hated you. It could give them a reason to attack you, forcing you to use your quirk on them, and you didn't want that.

You didn't know much about anyone from the other class. This was the first time since your enrollment that you'd taken part in a class vs. class scenario.

The field of manufactured buildings that replaced the training grounds was so vast that you couldn't even try to see who was on the other side even if you knew it was the other class the fact that you didn't know who you'd be facing off against was nerve-racking enough on its own. Not to mention the fact that you had to defeat them to get a chance at winning probably.

"Lighten up, Aimi! You'll do great!" Ameko, one of the classmates you've gotten close too called at you over her shoulder as she walked with her friends ahead of you. You'd always had a habit of trailing behind the group. Even if no one ever really given you a reason not to feel included. The opposite, they've all been inviting for the most part. Even Lymeron, with her rash personality, people often joke that if she's not trying to fight, then she doesn't love you.

You're still not used to the concept of friends, but that doesn't mean you're not interested, you've just gotta get a better hold on your quirk first then you'd feel comfortable with hug attacks or jump scares. But until then you're happy watching them be happy from a distance. Your only hope at the moment anyway was to make sure you didn't fail them.

You knew that just passing the entrance exam wasn't enough to prove that you'd be a valuable team member, wanted that fact to be carved into stone, and getting passed someone you had no clue about was one step closer you'd get to that goal.

You were on the number one spot which you hated, and you were to stand here and watch your classmates walk farther down the stone column to their own spaces.

It was nothing but something to make your already spent nerves worse. It gave you time to look out over the vast playing field clearly marked with barriers and lines that defined where you were allowed to be and where you weren't allowed to be, it also gave you time to start a complete internal meltdown.

You weren't stupid; these other students had weeks more class time than you did, most of them had a ton more experience with their quirks than you did. The chance that you were going to succeed was slim to none, but you were just stupid enough to take that chance, so when the buzzer sounded announcing the start of the game, you jumped in just as fast as anyone else.

You dodged in and out of the buildings and alleyways, not having any real point of focus other than to find this damn ball orb thing. It was much easier said than done, you could hear the sounds of battle around you, but you weren't particularly concerned with them. You were too busy flitting around looking in each and every window you could reach for the orb.

As time drew onward, you could tell that finding the orb alone was going to be almost impossible, and the threat of an unknown opponent was always on your mind. You could hear explosions going on from other fights you didn't see or hear anything from your opponent at the same time.

But what if that's the point?

What if they've got a stealth quirk made for sneaking, and if they have any kind of tracking ability, they'll have the orb back to their goal before you get a chance to even lay eyes on it.

You got deep enough in thought that you almost didn't hear it—the tapping.

It was like glass tapping against the glass, and while it was hardly audible over the other fighting, it was distinctly closer, so you played a game of high tension hot and cold with the damn noise. Either it was your opponent or something else, finding anything at this point would be better than finding something.

You were almost at a loss until you saw a faint blue flickering against a shop window. Upon closer inspection, you realized that it wasn't in the shop but the building opposite the road. It looked like an apartment building, and somewhere near the third floor was a light blue flickering glow.

Without thinking, you took the most direct route by scaling the side of the brick building with your blades as climbing gear. You noticed that it seemed more natural to hoist yourself the higher you got.

You hardly paused for a half a second to look for the ball before you busted into the room the glow was coming from with your quirk.

As you stepped into the room, you almost thought that you'd mistaken a ceiling light for your orb because it was on the ceiling.

It confused you for a moment because it looked almost like it was stuck up there, but before you had the chance to get a good look at it, it was getting closer to you, or so you thought. When you moved to step away, you realized that your feet weren't actually o the ground anymore.

You were fucking floating?!

And then it happened again.

That embarrassing thing always happens when you get startled, and you hate it, not only because it shows how little control you have over your quirk but also destroys your clothes.

"Oh, my bad." A voice said from behind you as you struggled to maneuver yourself around in the air, you started to float towards being upside down. As the person made their way around you, you were able to direct yourself towards them just as they grabbed onto the orb-like, it was nothing.

You'd seen them a couple of times in the hallway. You didn't know their name or anything, and to be honest, you didn't know what their quirk was until right this second, but apparently, it was something to do with weightlessness or antigravity. A quirk you'd never really thought you'd be going up against and had no clue how to combat.

Great.

"Hey!" You shouted as they reached for the orb so casually it was insulting. "I was here first!" You added as they looked at you with mild confusion. "Physically, I mean, I guess." They shrugged. "But my quirk is what got you up here so fast, so technically I was here first." They said.

You couldn't do much other than struggle to stay upright as they casually made their way towards the door like it was nothing. They thought that you weren't a threat, and could you blame them? YOu're floating around like a dummy.

You were so frustrated that by the time he was out the door, you were half in tears.

Here you were with your super lethal quirk reduced to nothing but a bumbling fucking balloon floating there pitying yourself.

You then noticed that you were slowly lowering towards the ground.

You didn't go directly after them as soon as your feet hit the ground because you knew that there was a chance that you'd just be floating again if they knew you were closing in on them.

You went outside the building and began climbing downwards but stopped as soon as you noticed yourself feeling lightweight again.

You froze on the spot. You didn't even know if you were breathing. You wanted to be as quiet as possible to remain undetected. You watched as they exited the building threw the main entrance lazily floating tossing the orb as if they were utterly unbothered by the fact that they were in any kind of competition at all.

You took the time you had to analyze, hoping they couldn't freaking teleport or anything else like that.

You watched taking note of the fact that there seemed to be a limited area of zero gravity around them, making everything around them float from papers and rocks in the streets to cars that seemed to lift themselves slightly when they got too near.

But there had to be something that could be done.

You finished climbing back down as they entered an ally way back towards their goal area. You had time, but not much. You had to move now that you had a prime opportunity; it could be the only chance you had.

You ran towards the alleyway, and as soon as you got the feeling of weightlessness, you anchored yourself to the ground with your blades, ruining your shoes but keeping you in place.

All you had to do was keep yourself attached to the ground or to the narrow alley walls to get done what you needed to do.

You didn't give yourself time to second guess the plan and ran for it.

When they noticed you were there, they turned around in shock, but with how quick you were landing a punch square in their snout wasn't hard and it sent them spinning in their quirk.

But it also caused them to let go of the orb, sending it floating up towards the sky. You moved on impulse, not stopping to consider if what you were doing was going to work, but thank god it did!

You were able to use their quirk to help you propel yourself upwards, gripping into the stone of the walls for leverage and kickback off of them to get closer to the orb.

You were able to grip onto it and had hardly an inch of space left on the wall to anchor yourself before you would have continued floating to the freakin moon!

Once you were secured, you looked down to see your opponent floating up towards you and the lack of gravity getting stronger every foot they got closer to you.

There was no point in fighting them. Their nose was already dripping blood that was pooling up from where you probably broke it.

Now all you had to do was get away, and with your blades, that was a done deal.

You didn't think you'd ever ran so fast in your life, and as soon as you felt your full weight on your blades, you left nothing but small box cutter sized blades out on the bottom of your feet just Incase to keep some small grip on the ground as you sprinted.

You started feeling sick the moment you got into view of your goal line. It wasn't a familiar feeling but not something you felt often. Its what happened when you used your quirk too much, your iron was too low, which made you nauseous and faint.

It didn't stop you from making it, though! You ran over your goal line and to the back to place the orb on its pedestal before promptly turning around and spilling your guts all over the ground.

Despite winning, you felt super embarrassed. Your clothes were destroyed, your makeup was running from crying before, you puked all over what was left of your shoes, and there was a possibility that you'd pass out in it.

Whats a win when it cost you all this?

"Good job Otsuka!" A voice you didn't expect to hear chimed in front of you. You looked up to see the principal of the school standing there, smiling at you like you didn't have puke covering the front of your shirt.

Laccadaisy thankfully pretended that she didn't see you using your tattered shirt sleeve to wipe the tears and vomit from your face. YOu didn't think you could have withstood embarrassment anymore at the moment.

"T-thanks, but I could've done better." You said hoarsely because your throat still stung.

"What do you mean? Last I checked your goal in quirk training was to use your quirk in battle effectively." She asked, turning her head confused. "I didn't use my quirk in battle…" you mumbled, not understanding.

She stood there for a moment before laughing at something.

"The battle wasn't to beat your opponent, the point of this test was to get the orb and you did that. You used your quirk to do that." She said confidently. "I could name more than a few people who wouldn't have had such an advantage against Mujuyo Shous Mircogravity quirk!" She added.

"But if I hadn't-" you started

"If you hadn't thought to use your quirk effectively, you would probably be floating in the sky somewhere by now." She interrupted you.

"You're thinking too critically about the whole thing. You did what you meant to do." She added as if that was the end of it before another buzzer went off in the distance.

"Opp, there's another one! I'll see you later! Go to the medbay and get checked, we're all going to meet in the mess hall when everyone's finished!" She called over her shoulder as she made her way towards the latest buzz.

Every step you took towards the med bay, you felt worse, your lightheadedness coupled with the fact that you couldn't keep yourself from shaking made you feel like you should work on your limits as much as restraining your quirk.

You tripped over your own feet about halfway there, and while it hurt when your cheek scrapped the sidewalk, the cold concrete felt good against your skin.

****

You woke up in the med bay still half out of it. The dizziness only got worse as you sat up.

"Here, this should help you feel better in no time!" The nurse said, handing you what looked like candy before you even asked any questions.

"Sorry." You muttered after shivering at the bitter taste of the completely deceiving looking purple gummy.

"For what, dear?" The nurse asked as if she had no idea what you were apologizing for.

"I know I'm a bit heavier than I look, must have been hard carrying me back here." You said.

"Oh, I didn't! Young Mujuyo did! Their quirk makes things like that easy, you know!" She said happily before someone in the cot next to you started groaning out in pain.

The same Mujuyo you'd just sucker-punched in the face brought you back? To say you were confused was an understatement, but you didn't feel like pressing the nurse for more details when you were more hungry than anything else.

When you got to the mess hall, you found a table of your classmates who'd finished their matches, and they welcomed you into the conversation with enthusiastic praise about your passing.

You did, however, catch Shou's eyes from across the room, and even though they lost, they were still laughing with his friends. When he saw you looking at them, they just smiled and gave you a wave-like he wasn't bothered at all.

#boku no hero academia #my hero oc #taiyuu oct #taiyuu high #taiyuu

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & Nancy

Ava: Has he told you? Nancy: Yeah Ava: How are you holding up? Nancy: better than he is Ava: Not saying much but Ava: that's something Nancy: how are you holding up then? Ava: It's been, a rollercoaster implies that it's in any way on the rails so not that, something as up and down and side to side Ava: tornado, perhaps Ava: but it's far from about me so I'm just here, you know Nancy: I know what you mean Ava: It's more to do with you than me Ava: so, what did he say exactly? Nancy: You know what he's like, just coming out with it Nancy: there's nothing for me to argue with Nancy: maybe if I had a clue then but now Ava: Yeah Ava: but none of us did Ava: I think mum was probably right, even if that's fucked Ava: taking it to the police wouldn't have done anything Nancy: She'd had talked her way out of it, his word against hers and he doesn't come across well when he's upset Ava: Exactly Ava: it's one of those legal grey areas Ava: morally black but you know Ava: can't get charged for that Nancy: I feel like shit, if I hadn't left it wouldn't have been her and none of this would be happening Ava: I know, but you have to try not to think like that Ava: she picked him, really Ava: he was angry and upset, with you, yeah, but Rio too and you know, everyone and everything Ava: but I don't think he would have pursued her, if he were in any state Ava: and she had her problems with you, but I don't think that's solely why she did it either Nancy: I know but he could've used any girl in Chelsea to get back at Rio, it was her because of me, that's all my thoughts keep coming back to Nancy: and no other girl would've used him like that for any reason Ava: We all let each other down Ava: sometimes you have to do what you have to do Ava: and then sometimes bad shit happens because of that Ava: Chloe wouldn't have felt the need to drop this if I weren't with James Ava: we could all just keep on not knowing Nancy: It's not your fault, Av, she hated you cos she hated me first Nancy: it's not like she's heartbroken over James Ava: Still, it wouldn't have happened, you were never going to be dating him Ava: but none of us can live beholden to her and the things she has over us, we shouldn't Ava: at least now, we aren't, she's played all her cards Nancy: Did Buster tell you she's already engaged? Ava: I heard Ava: I looked on Gen's profile and he's like her dad's age Ava: and really stereotypically Italian Nancy: Gross Nancy: I swear to god, she's not a real person Nancy: who does any of this? Ava: I think she does her hardest not to be Ava: fuck everyone else Ava: her parents are just Ava: at a total loss Ava: we say ours are ashamed of us but this is so real Ava: they've had more to do with James than her for years now Nancy: At least he's got their support Ava: I think they're just as scared that they'll lose contact as he is Nancy: Yeah, of course Ava: Did he say if he'd told Ri yet? Nancy: I asked, when I was at my angriest, before I really understood what the circumstances were Nancy: He wouldn't talk about her which either means he has and it didn't go well, or he's still working up to it Ava: She's going to know something is wrong, he can't hide anything from her Ava: and the test takes as long as it takes, I know he was waiting for that but I don't know how Nancy: Right now, I'm selfishly glad that she knows we barely talk so she won't ask me Ava: That's going to be Ava: not fun Ava: never mind how pregnant she is Nancy: Oh god, don't Nancy: I was going to come back for a while but maybe that'll make it worse Nancy: Like he'll think I'm just there to oversee his downfall or something Ava: You don't think that will happen, do you? Nancy: I don't think she'll leave him Nancy: But the old wounds this is gonna open up, even though nobody's disputing he didn't actually consent, when they're still dealing with everything that happened with Venus Nancy: add her hormones in and his way of reacting to literally anything Ava: Fucking hell Ava: you should come back, if you want to though Ava: regardless Nancy: Ri might need me Nancy: not that she'll admit it, obviously Ava: 'course Ava: I don't think it would hurt Nancy: I'm a crap babysitter but I'm a great person to vent at about him so Nancy: if I slag him off enough she'll start leaping to his defence automatically Ava: An evil-good plan Nancy: something good needs to come out of all the evil Ava: We can but try Nancy: Yeah Nancy: I know I need to Ava: Does feel better than doing nothing Ava: only a bit but Ava: still Nancy: I wish there was more I could really do, but it all just feels too late Nancy: inventing a time machine feels very above my capabilities, if I'm honest Nancy: Feel free to tell James I'm here if he ever wants someone to talk to about his monster of an ex Ava: I will Ava: you might have to open a hotline, by the sounds of it Nancy: That'd be a decent earner while I'm back Ava: Time is money, like Nancy: exactly Ava: Wonder what the wedding will be like Nancy: what I remember hearing about hers and James' sounded awful Nancy: but of course this one will have to be more stereotypically Italian Ava: fucked herself on flower girls too Nancy: unless he's got a big family she can insert herself into Ava: Heaven help him Ava: or she's already knocked up, the only way she does it is with a gun to her head and the groom's Nancy: has anyone checked he can speak enough English to know what's going on, like? Ava: I don't know if we've got the welfare team on that Ava: he looks pretty pleased with himself Ava: the pictures would really confirm your homosexuality for you tbh Nancy: Well that's disgusting Ava: If he was the teenaged pool boy, be all over that, obviously Ava: can only hope she's met her match this time Nancy: Even if she hasn't, like you said, there's no more she can do to any of us Nancy: And she'd never get the kids back if she wanted to try that as a last resort Ava: Not putting anything past her obviously Ava: but yeah, I can't see her trying and failing at that any time soon Ava: it's a small mercy Ava: she was no mother Nancy: Imagine having her as yours, oh my god Nancy: it makes me wanna hug mum Ava: Let's not get too crazy Nancy: the urge will have passed by mid-flight, don't worry Ava: Unless you have too many complementaries, of course Nancy: well yeah Ava: No one would blame you on that score Nancy: it doesn't help though Ava: The drink or the lack of blame? Nancy: Both Ava: Yeah Ava: not much in the party mood myself Ava: pity or otherwise Ava: though being forced to 'focus on my schoolwork' like that's remotely important right now is getting me close Nancy: Is there a brochure for the planet mum and dad live on cos I'm really intrigued by it? Ava: They really think they can keep me out of it Ava: Like I'm not the one who did the DNA test, like I'm not the one who got James and Buster to talk Ava: sure, I'll forget about that and write my politics essay, hold on 🙄 Nancy: I'll do your essay as long as you leave enough time for a thorough spell check Ava: You really wanna keep busy, yeah Nancy: Yeah Ava: You are allowed to be angry with him Ava: you know Ava: because he was a victim too doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel that Ava: even if it means you don't direct it at him, you don't have to try and repress it Nancy: I am angry at him, but I'm also so tired of being Ava: Damn genetics Nancy: He can't forgive me for going and I can't keep defending why I had to Nancy: cos he'll never accept that it's not entirely my fault, that I needed him to help me and he wouldn't Ava: He does though Ava: he's told me Ava: like you said, it's too late Nancy: He'll never tell me, so we'll only ever talk when he has good or bad news to give me Ava: Yeah Ava: it's because it doesn't change it Ava: like you said, no time machine Ava: getting him to admit that he wasn't there doesn't change that he wasn't, even if you want to hear it Ava: just like you explaining why you had to leave doesn't mean you stayed Ava: it's all just words, you know Nancy: Then how can we ever? Ava: Maybe you can't Ava: because that isn't a truce Ava: if neither of you is willing to leave your post there is no middle ground Ava: you actually have to be ready and willing to drop defending yourself and blaming each other Ava: and neither of you is, so Ava: that's that Ava: you can't make yourself give it up, clearly Nancy: It's so unfair Nancy: that everything turned out like this Ava: It just is Ava: you have to get to a place where you can just say that's what happened Ava: not attribute why's and who's to it, see it entirely objectively Nancy: maybe if I fly to Tuscany first and murder her Ava: Maybe Ava: you'll still hate yourself though Nancy: Thanks for the reminder Ava: Like you forgot Nancy: my phone alarm is set for hourly bursts of self-loathing, of course Ava: That'll be why you're tired Ava: can't even put that on him, eh Ava: unlucky, like Nancy: I'll have the luck of the Irish and all that good craic to fall back on soon enough, like Ava: 'Course Ava: be a blast Nancy: It always is Ava: It's been a while Ava: things might have changed Nancy: This family would have to catch some kind of break first Ava: Naturally, when I finish this essay, it'll all be worth it Nancy: Just make sure it's worth sticking on the fridge Ava: 'Cos that wouldn't fuck with the aesthetics Nancy: It's no finger-painting, sure Nancy: But if anyone needs the reminder that you're not a toddler it's mum and dad Ava: Really surprising they're not more elated to gain a ready-made grandkid Nancy: If the mother was anyone else, they'd be jumping for joy, no doubt Ava: Unless that mother was me Ava: of course Nancy: James has probably been well and truly scared off Ava: I reckon she's a pretty strong contraceptive Nancy: I'm in no danger but if you put me in a room with her I'd take the pill Ava: 💀 cyanide Nancy: or whichever colour gets you out of the Matrix Nancy: bye babe Ava: Careful Ava: that's what 'woke' lady and minority haters call themselves Ava: don't wanna get in that camp Nancy: is it? Ava: yeah, they're 'red pilled' 'cos they know 'the truth' Ava: the truth that feminism is a lie and all women are evil bitches, like Nancy: Oh great Ava: You accidentally been making loads of enemies over there? Ava: Whoopsie Nancy: I'll say that's the reason now Ava: Go the whole hog and call yourself an incel Ava: when any of the fam asks you how your love life is going Nancy: 😂 Nancy: Don't make me laugh though, my head is killing me Ava: I feel you Ava: the only pills I've been popping are paracetamols Nancy: Nurofen express 💚 Nancy: my actual true love Ava: so rock and roll Ava: shame even by American standards, that's no bitch's name Nancy: Read it in your best impression of the accent if you wanna swoon though, obviously Ava: It clearly does it for you, like Nancy: It's a very diverse place, thank god Ava: Sure babe Ava: the fashion industry is known for it 😏 Nancy: 🙄 Ava: Thanks for not trying to deny it Nancy: I'm not their spokesperson, pros or cons Ava: Not part of the job description of photographer or girlfriend then? Nancy: No Ava: Phew Nancy: Find a way to include it in your Politics essay Ava: Alright, mother Nancy: Never call me that again, please Nancy: if I didn't have a headache before Ava: Yeah, we didn't reckon you'd be next Nancy: Weird that you've discussed it, but okay Ava: The heat needs to be taken off somewhere, like Ava: What about Billie and her fella, do you reckon they'll go for 👶👶? Nancy: No Nancy: they barely see each other at the moment Ava: I won't put my money there then Nancy: You'd be better off keeping it on Buster Ava: I think he's disqualified by default Ava: obviously Ava: don't need no 🔮 Nancy: This one better not be born early cos of the drama Ava: She's getting out of the danger danger zone at least but still Ava: having babies is like what they were born to do Ava: missed those genetics, clearly Nancy: Lord Ava: 😂 You're so squeamish Nancy: I don't like babies, excuse me Ava: I didn't mention anything about the miracle of childbirth even Nancy: thankfully Nancy: cos it's not a miracle, it's a 🤞 & pray for the best kind of situation Nancy: you might tear open or get cut open and you get off lightly if you only 💩 or 🤢 everywhere Ava: 🙄🙄 the dramatics Ava: I've had worse nights out Ava: and I didn't get a cute kid at the end of it so 🤷 Nancy: it's not me that you need to convince so Ava: I don't think I know anyone else so definitely anti-child Nancy: I've got nothing against children, I just don't want any Ava: uhuh Nancy: It's only considered weird cos this family is so obsessed with having as many as possible Ava: Nah, it's not that Nancy: Like I said, reserve the soapbox for someone who wants to hear the pros and cons Ava: Okay Nancy: Okay, I've got loads to finish up before I can leave Ava: 'course you do Ava: I'll let you go then Nancy: I'll talk to you soon Nancy: without time zones to factor in Ava: Cool Ava: no worries Nancy: Let me know if you wanna meet up, who knows where mum and dad will decide to base themselves and when Ava: Regardless, I don't have time to come over there so I won't Nancy: Yeah, exactly Ava: Focus on what you need to do Ava: I was just checking you were okay Nancy: And I wanna check in on you too, so let me know, okay? Nancy: It's the shortest flight ever Ava: Seriously, there's no need Nancy: Alright Ava: Just focus on helping Ri, if that's what you're going to do Nancy: I'll do my best Ava: 👍 Nancy: Later then Ava: Bye Nancy: 🧡 Ava: Is Billie coming over too? Nancy: I don't know Nancy: I'll ask her when she gets home Ava: She should Nancy: I'll do my best with that too Ava: Alright Ava: that's all then Nancy: Okay, bye

[nikkifilm]

Maynila Sa Mga Kuko ng Liwanag (1975) & Insiang (1976), dir. Lino Brocka

Maynila sa mga Kuko ng Liwanag had a small cast, yet it was effective enough to be able to portray what the director wanted to show the audience. For the most part of it, I find myself being drawn to the movie which is definitely a good thing, by the way, but in all honesty, I don't like how the turn of events follow throughout the film. I didn't like what was happening in the movie, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I don't like the movie itself; there's a thin grey line there. I do get the point that the plot of the film isn't exactly rainbows and sunshines, but it was all so heavy to take in. Although yes, that is the point, and maybe it says about how harsh life can be when set foot to the city of Manila where you think it's where you'll become successful yet only a start of something that could change your life forever. I happen to always put myself in the characters' shoes in every film, whether it may be something I have experienced myself or not. It's a way for me to be able to comprehend and fully understand what the characters are going through and how they deal with it. I'd say one is a good movie when it makes me feel something. Since I was able to empathize with the characters in this movie despite the differences in the generation, experience, and status in life, I was still able to feel for them, and that I think is what makes it a good movie for me.

The same can be said on the other Lino Brocka film, Insiang. The characters in the film aren't a lot too, yet it effectively shown what its message is. I adore how the characters are all unique in their own way and have their respective personalities. They all have their own voice in the movie, regardless if their character is likeable or not. To some extent, you are able to see some gradual character developments in the film despite the setting being the same places over and over again. Especially with the main character, Insiang. You'd see how she's very passive and innocent-like. It's as if despite all the things that had happened to her, she still doesn't try to fight back. She attempts to get help from the people she trust but to no avail. I've been waiting that if not any of the people in the film can help her, maybe she'd help herself by finally fighting back and standing up for herself. What we did see though is her doing things unexpected of her, like how she starts to seduce and give in to Dado when she was harassed by him without being scared of what her mother nor her boyfriend would react about it. It then turn out to be Insiang using Dado as a way to get revenge on her boyfriend and her using her mother's anger towards Dado's betrayal in order to drive her to murder Dado as a way to get revenge on both him and her mother.

With regards to the style or visual of Maynila, the setting really do depict the contrast between rural and urban areas. The setting has this realistic vibe that builds up to the scenes and blends well with its entire plot. This adds up to the realistic approach the film wants to put. Also considering the time this was made, the cinematography is well put out. I'm quite impressed how they've managed to pull of some of the shots. With the era this has been made where there are little to no resources with regards to visual or special effects, the film has successfully achieved a visually pleasing masterpiece. The shots are done raw and all so naturally which is just right for the entirety of the film. In terms of the narrative, it's immensely focused on the character of Julio, how we can see his development that would later turn into his transformation into a violent person. I love this way or storytelling because you, as a viewer, would feel more connected to the film and get invested to the character that would have a greater impact. In this way, not only do you get emotionally invested, it makes you want to watch the film as you get hooked waiting for what would happen next. As I watched the film, I was able to see that and also feel empathy for the main character. It's something that rarely occurs to a film that you may not be familiar with or a big fan of or something that doesn't really sparks your interest, and that says a lot about how this film was able to go beyond what you are expecting and makes you root for the character and as well as the entire plot. 

For Insiang, however, the style and visual wise, it had shown the rawness of the lifestyle within a small town that is typical of the Philippine setting. The way they captured this goes the same with Maynila, and that's one of the little factors that makes you think that they are both made by a single director. It's pretty much similar to Maynila in a way that it depicts the way of life in a certain community and a certain household. You could also see some similarities with the actors and actresses in both films. What I was able to notice too is how the setting they utilize in the film are always fixed that you don't just see the places once or twice, it's pretty much shot within a particular area that is noticeable. There's nothing bad with that, though. It's in fact fascinating how they repeat the settings without it feeling dull and tiring. There's always something new or different within the setting that is constant throughout the film that enables you to observe how some of the characters progress or change and indicates how the story develops.

What I have observed from the film languages are how they have utilized the different angles in certain scenes that depict how a person is low down the slums or high above anyone else. It also indicates how something is important or when something is about to happen. There's nothing much to point out with regards to it, but the fact that they have used this as a means to tell something to audience is really prominent and I love how it speaks directly to the audience. You know when someone is connected or disconnected to a person. You also know when someone is trustworthy or sketchy. There have been a lot of this that plays around with the viewer's perspective. Nonetheless, it had been effective at delivering a message and telling a story behind it.

Applying the context of the Auteur Theory in both films from Lino Brocka, you'd see the similarities between the two in general. With Maynila, you see how it's a story about a man from province grew from innocent to violent because of anger and vengeance. Same goes to Insiang, you'd see how a simple girl from the slums of Manila grew from silent and passive to vengeful and passive-aggressive. Both of the main characters in the films have this common ground and goal. Same with how their character was developed into something they didn't use to be. What can be said from these similarities are how the director wants to send a message. Perhaps it had something to do with the repression. It can be seen in Maynila that the one who held Julio's girlfriend, Ligaya captive in the urban city is actually a Chinese. That subtly indicated that at that period there have been already a quarrel between the Philippines and China. As for Insiang, it is seen how the people she's close to or hold on to for help don't actually care for her and are not sincere. They all have their selfish minds and cruelty on Insiang which is why she turned on them. Perhaps it also tells something about repression, maybe something about how we have been colonized only to be used and abused. 

The two films, besides having major similarities, have an identity that makes you think that it is a Lino Brocka film. By watching them, there's that unspoken truth that lies between the films that it is something made by this particular director. It reflects how he has these ideals and perspective in the Philippine context. Perhaps it's also safe to assume that he is driven or motivated to direct said films because of an underlying issue or problem that the country is facing.

Maynila tackled the social issue with regards to the twisted side of Manila, and how people from provinces are blinded by it. It shows their naivety, how they think highly of those who reside in Maynila. Although to some extent, I find it becoming extremely cliché, it's still the reality we have that's still happening up to this date; it probably have gotten worse throughout the ages. However, they don't only show the bad side of Maynila. They have also shown that despite the wrong people they've trusted and encountered along the way, there will always be people who are genuinely kind and concerned. It's a balance of the good and the bad side of Maynila, although the bad side of it is dominant; and as someone who grew up in Metro Manila, I do agree with it to a certain point. There are also scenes that show the side of the LGBT Community back in this era, that they are more objectified and stereotyped that aren't a good reflection of how they identify with compared to this day. They are seen more of a threat to the society and are only seen as people who are obsessed with men and sex, who would also do everything to make money out of prostitution and in exchange, pursue them.

On the other hand, Insiang had tackled more on the abusive side of Manila or the country in general, especially during those times. How particular women are always objectified and abused. These can be observed with the first few parts of the film, how the women in the film are abused or harassed and there is little to none justice to it besides personal vengeance from family members or friends. It's as if it's a norm and not considered as a crime or a sort of abuse compared to how sensitive a topic it is to this date. Rape culture in the country have also been tackled in this film, and it is alarming how back then, there weren't much protection for women and how lacking the generation was with its awareness towards rape. It also signifies how victims aren't heard but are often judged, and when it comes to asking for help, there are little to none that you can reach out to or would actually offer to help you with it. That being said, it had also talked about the toxic masculinity especially back then where men were in power compared to women and that they "own" the women they "love". Another is how in every conflict, it must be resolved through violence where in not only it is toxic but also unnecessary as not everything has to end up with that. It had also tackled the judgmental society, how every action that you make, regardless of what intentions you have or if it really is a fact, people will always talk about you the way they choose and want to see it. People create their own truth, and although this film didn't entirely focus on that, the fact that it is there speaks about the society we have back then and up to this date. Lastly, it also tackled about the toxicity within family members, that despite their abusive traits, you must stay with them because they are "blood". This is shown through Insiang's mother, how she talks down to Insiang and see her more as a maid than her daughter, ordering her around every time.

Maynila had a lot of scenes I personally didn't like, but doesn't necessarily affect the quality of the film. One of the things that I only find unnecessary in the movie were certain events like two of Julio's friends dying throughout the film, Perla's home burnt down, Julio being robbed by a cop, him encountering gay prostitutes, and so on. I find them completely absurd and irrelevant to the main plot of the film which mainly revolved (or at least what it implied) within Julio's job and the whereabouts of his significant other, Ligaya. I kept having questions as to what happened and how it led there, but these events are constantly happening in between the film which to some extent infuriates me until I get tired or bored of it. It made me grew frustrated, probably because they kept teasing like how they showed that one Chinese place Julio thinks Ligaya is in yet gets no leads or progress from it besides when he sees the lady that brought Ligaya in Maynila. Maybe it would've been much better if they put out some of those unnecessary scenes that I might as well call “fillers”. But I do get it though, it adds up to what I was talking about when they were trying to also show the bad side of Maynila. I also didn't like how they portrayed the LGBT Community but I do understand that it's different back then compared to today. But there is certainly no denying that I didn't like how that turned out to be.

Same with Insiang, there are also a number of scenes that I didn't like, and those are the aforementioned social issues that have been tackled in the film. One of those that I have mentioned that I particularly didn't like was the way they have shown how badly treated Insiang was, particularly women. I didn't like how the other women Insiang trusted turned back on her, especially her mother. Women are supposed to help each other against the repression against abusive men, but that wasn't shown in this. Although what substituted to that was how they shown Insiang develop into a vengeful woman and indirectly ruined their lives which is what I liked about it. It was powerful, they way she took revenge on the people who have hurt her. You would expect that she'd turn on them typically by forming an alliance or taking them down violently or anything that anyone would expect to happen. This one took a different perspective on vengeance, how she was able to take down the people who had hurt her without getting in trouble nor getting her hands dirty. It was something logical and psychological, and that's something I didn't expect from a film that's dated a few decades ago.

I find Maynila great despite of how a lot of things change in our society, views, and culture. Simply by looking at how things were way cheaper back then compared to now is already a big factor of change, which is why it's somehow challenging to be able to review a film from a different generation objectively especially since there had been drastic changes in the field of cinema as well. Nonetheless, it's fascinating how the movie can still speak to you and how there are things that haven't changed — like how some issues tackled in the film can still be seen nowadays, and it's alarming. It serves as an eye-opener to each and everyone of us, no matter where you came from. Whether you were born in Metro Manila, raised in the province, or vice versa, you will be able to feel for this film. It's how great its impact is, especially to the Filipino.

As for Insiang, it wasn't something I was expecting from the beginning to the end. It's very unpredictable and at the same time a great film. It's way ahead of its time, and it's also something that speaks to the audience, especially with the underlying messages and social issues that it has. Regardless of what period you are in, it's safe to assume that the issues that it tackles will always be relevant in the society you live in. It makes you think how these things are already occurring back then yet is still happening today. Although it's alarming, this film had managed to be able to send that message off to its viewers and that alone is something commendable for a film and a director. You'd see how Lino Brocka really has that deep kind if mindset towards these things and it does help you too, as an audience to become more wary of the society and the issues we are facing, regardless if you are directly affected by it or not.

There's nothing much recommend really, but I wished there were parts that they changed or didn't do, especially when it has little to nothing to do with the plot or storyline. But the main reason too as to why there's nothing much to recommend is because of how these films are made during its time, where all the values, ideals, culture, and mindset were different comapred to how it's shaped to this date. All in all, both films directed by Lino Brocka are something that each one of us need to watch. It may not be suitable for everyone, yes, but you know that the message behind every film he makes have something to tell you that a certain problem in the country is happening at this point and we have to do something about it. It's a food for thought that films like these are a medium used to communicate to people and spread awareness on the coexisting problems we face or people face on a daily basis. In conclusion, not only does Lino Brocka have a mindset that's beyond his time, he also sees to it that the films are something that will speak to the general audience despite the differences in perspective and experience.