still do
synopsis. bakugou katsuki finally confronts you. you have a difficult conversation. (part 1) (part 3)
cw. fem!reader, worker!reader, prohero!katsuki, aged-up (~24 yrs old), lots of cussing
word count. 1.5k words
a/n. here's part two of admit it, everyone!! thank you for all the love on the first one and i hope you like this continuation <3 reblogs and comments will be highly appreciated (´∀`)♡
“Excuse me?”
His eyebrows furrow ever so slightly, you would’ve missed it if you just looked away for a split second.
“You heard me.”
You scoff. Unbelievable.
“Yes. As a matter of fact, I did,” you snap back. “I just couldn’t believe the ludicrousness that came out of your mouth.”
“What?” he frowns, “I just thought— with everything that you do and say—” his eyes drift away from you as he trails off. “Shit.”
You don’t know how you feel, let alone what to think about how you’ve been acting when things concern Bakugou, either. But you do know one thing.
He had no right bringing shit up like this.
Not after he just left your relationship to die out like that.
You peer over your shoulder, wary of any prying eyes and eavesdropping ears beyond the open doorway.
You twist your head back to look at him, venom ready on your tongue.
“You’re a fucking asshole, Bakugou.”
At that, you spin on your heel, ready to march toward the exit and not spare him a second glance, when he makes a grab for your wrist. Again.
That’s it.
Fuming, you turn to face him and yank your hand free. “You have to be fucking kidding me! You can’t expect me to do all the work again, Katsuki,” you exclaim, “That’s what you had me doing in the last two months of our relationship, and now you expect me to say, what, that I love you and I want you back, just like that?”
“And for what?” you cackle, “So you can fucking rub it in my face?”
“No!” he yells back. “Fuck, because I still do!”
You suck in a sharp breath. “What?”
“I still love you,” he admits, a scowl now decorating his face. “And I might just be losing my damn mind, but all the signs point to you being in love with me, too.”
Your head is reeling from his weighty confession, heart going at a hundred and fifty beats per minute, but you manage to snort, “Signs? What signs?”
“The coffee?” he starts, “How you go the extra mile with work when it concerns me? How you haven’t gone on a single date since we broke up? And all the others before that.”
He shakes his head, incredulous. “Don’t even go on—just—fucking thinking that I don’t notice.”
You have absolutely no defense for the first two, so you fire back at him on the last sentence instead.
“Didn’t it ever occur to you that our relationship could’ve possibly left me traumatized?”
That shuts him up.
You bite your lip. Maybe that was a bit of a harsh overgeneralization.
You huff, opting to rub your temple in exhaustion instead of looking at him in the eye.
When you speak up again, your voice is lower, volume brought down a notch from exhaustion, or in an attempt to be gentler—you’re not sure.
“I don’t even know why you’re doing all this, Katsuki,” you chuckle, trying to lighten the mood although you know there’s no helping it. “It’s not like you want to get back together…”
You lock eyes with him, and the certainty that once laced your tone suddenly dissolves in your tongue.
“...right?”
He just stares at you, eyes brimming with what you’ve identified long ago as longing, and you find yourself shaking your head before you can even think about doing so.
“...No.”
You gulp, panic rising in your throat. “I can’t go through that all over again. There’s a reason why we broke up.”
“There’s a reason why we went on a break,” he corrects. “And I acknowledge that. I was an asshole who prioritized work over you and our relationship and had to pay the price for it.”
“But our break up?” he shakes his head in what you think is confusion.
Desperation, too.
“We were just on a break…” he continues, “and before I knew it, we already had our friends picking up our things for us.”
He eyes you for what feels like minutes before speaking up again.
“What happened, Y/N?”
“What happened?” you immediately sputter back in disbelief. “You didn’t come after me, that’s what happened! You didn’t bother to prove to me that I was wrong and that you could change—or even protested when I asked for a break!”
“I thought you wanted the fucking space!” he shouts back, frustrated. “I waited it out—I waited for you to take me back. I spent all that time apart trying to become a better person. I even asked shitty Deku to hook me up with a shrink—only to be met with radio silence from you!”
“Then, what?” you challenge, “You just decided a month in that I wasn’t worth waiting for anymore?”
“I just wanted to give you more space by not having you suffocated by my stuff! Shit—,” he curses, “—the last thing I fucking expected was for Bug Eyes to be at my door the next day asking for yours.”
You could only gape at him in unabashed disbelief.
“You’re a dumbass for thinking that move was okay.”
He huffs in defeat. “I thought it made sense at that time. I’m sorry.”
The reality of your miscommunication and the resulting fallout finally sinks in as you stare at each other, the pained look of realization etched across both of your faces.
You look down at your feet, unable to sustain his penetrating gaze for any second longer.
You sigh, “...None of that matters now, Kats. We’re broken up. And you’ve been doing a hell of a good job keeping your distance. It—”
“‘s only because I thought you didn’t want me anymore.”
You look back up at him, “What?”
He chuckles, but his eyes are far from happy.
“I kept my distance because I thought that was what you wanted from me,” he shifts on his feet, now slightly leaning toward you. “But then I started noticing the little things, and both Kirishima and Mina mentioned some shit—”
“Fuck.”
“—and talked some sense into me. Which is why I’m asking you now. Please,” he steps closer to you, and you take a step back out of instinct. Hurt flashes across his face, but he doesn’t make a move to get any closer.
“Please,” he repeats, “just give me another chance.”
“Hold on,” you shake your head, glaring back up at him. “Stop making this about me and what I want, Katsuki. Let’s make this clear.”
You stab a finger to his chest. “You kept your distance because you were a coward. Just admit it—you couldn’t bear being the one who has to swallow their pride and chase after the other person.”
“I know, which is why–”
“No, I don’t think you do,” you interrupt. “If you did, you would’ve just told me you still love me instead of demanding that I say it to you first.”
“So you still do?”
“What?”
He searches your eyes for something. “Love me. I just need to hear you say it, please.”
You huff for the nth time. You’re too tired to be mad at his audacity and to entertain the butterflies that are erupting in your stomach despite yourself.
“So what if I still love you?” you mumble. “It’s not like that will change anything.”
At that, he chances another step toward you, but this time, you don’t move back. You simply stand your ground.
“It does,” he rasps, “It changes everything.”
You look into his eyes for any sort of deceit or treachery, but all you find is honesty. The tears that you think he’s been trying to hold back the entire time now trickle down his cheeks.
Before your brain could even catch up with what you were about to do, your hand shoots up to gently wipe them off his face.
He leans into your touch, eyes fluttering closed. Your heart clenches at the sight.
You missed him, you finally admit to yourself. You always have.
A moment passes before you slowly retract your hand back to your side. The disappointment that flashes across his features when you do is palpable, it almost physically hurts you.
You look up at him and muster a small smile. “Does it really, Kats?”
His eyebrows furrow in question, but he doesn’t say anything, tear streaks now staining his cheeks.
You take in a shaky breath before continuing.
“Does it change the fact that you’re still incredibly busy?” you start.
“That every day, you’re gonna have to choose between work and me? And that you’re always gonna be a hero first and a partner second?”
You smile.
“That I’m always gonna have to swallow my pride and chase after you for as long as we’re together?”
He continues to stare at you with a deep sense of longing, but at that, he says nothing.
You chuckle again, even though the last thing you want to do right now is laugh.
“I thought so.”
tagging. @katsukis1wife @rinalou @bakugouswh0r3 @poemzcheng @lovra974 @jasmixs @xoneaboveallx @bontensh0e @kooromin @sirenmoi @buzzbuzz-hm @xzsanaa @baddecisionsworld @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @i-simp-to-much @goldenglow149 @fixed211 @zenxvii @roses-arerosies @tiredjuniper @curbstompedrice
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CHAPTER ONE back from rehab
SYNOPSIS the beginning of a teenage girl named y/n who is fresh out of rehab but doesn't intend to stay clean.
FROM THE WRITER AHH IM SORRY IM LATE GUYS!! This is the first chapter I'm ever writing, I took some inspo from episode 1 but I'm going to have to cut each episode into fourths because I really don't want to spend a whole week trying to finish a whole episode and school work. But I hope you guys really enjoy this chapter as much as I did - Love you guys, Sapiyah <3
WARNINGS Lots of unnecessary writing, female! reader, mentions of drugs and drinking, strong sexual content, nudity, violence, adult content, adult language, scenes might be uncomfortable for some, some scenes might include mentions of mental illness'
SERIES EUPHORIA
CHARACTERS INCLUDED members of the bakusquad & dekusquad, big three(?), some characters of class 1A
NOTES MDNI! Ageless blogs will be blocked or removed.
Readers discretion is advised
Suddenly, the whole world goes dark and nothing else matters except the person standing in front of you.
You were once happy. Content.
Sloshing and swimming around your own private, primordial pool; Then one day, for reasons beyond your control, you were continuously and repeatedly crushed...
Over..and over.. again by the cervix of your mother, M/n.
You put up a good fight, but eventually lost, for the first time, but not the last.
You were born 3 days after 9/11, your mother and father spent two days in the hospital, holding you under the soft glow of the television, watching those towers fall over and over again, until the feeling of grief gave away to numbness.
And then, without warning, a middle-class childhood in the American suburbs.
|
You were sitting at the dinner table with your mother, M/n, and Father, F/n. But it appeared something else had gotten your attention, a set of numerous lights above the dinner table, in which you wanted to count.
"Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen.."
" What are you looking at y/n?"
"..."
"What are you doing? ..Y-y/n look at me."
"One, two, three, .."
"What are you doing Y/n?"
*cries*
|
"Id say she's suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder..."
Its not like you were physically abused..
"...attention deficit disorder..."
..Or had some type of clean water storage..
"..general anxiety disorder.."
..Or was molested by a family member.
"..and possibly bipolar disorder. But she's a little bit too young to tell."
So, explain this shit to me.
|
"Honey, it's just the way your brain was hardwired; Plenty of great, intelligent, funny, interesting and creative people have struggled with the same things you struggle with."
"Like who?"
"Vincent Van Gogh, Sylvia Plath, and even Brittney Spears, your favorite!"
You haven't remembered much from the ages of eight to twelve. Just that the world moved fast, and your mind moved slow.
"Does anyone have an idea of what a perception might be?"
And every now and then, if you focused on the way you breathed...
You'd die.
"Slow down, just breathe"
Until every second of the day, you'd find yourself trying to outrun your anxiety.
"What's wrong Y/n?"
..And quite frankly..
"I'm just fucking exhausted"
|
Coming down to the kitchen, you could hear the small talk between your mother and younger sister, S/N.
"You said the doctor was in our network. How can he suddenly be out of network?"
"I can't afford it."
"Did you see that video of the girl who got acid thrown at her face?"
"What? No.."
"It's pretty fucked up.."
"Mom do you know where the tampons are?"
"In my bathroom, right under the sink."
And at one point, you'd make a choice of who you are and what you want.
"Alright Gia, let's go"
"Why do the co-payments cost $300?"
"Y/n did you eat breakfast?"
".."
"What's with the glasses?"
"What glasses?"
You just happened to show up one day, without a map or a compass..
"Attention students, we need to lockdown."
..Or to be honest, anyone capable of giving on iota of good fucking advice.
And I know it all seems sad but guess what? You did not build this system up, nor fuck it up yourself.
But then it happens. That moment where your breath starts to slow. And every time you breathe, you breathe out all the oxygen you have.
Then everything stops: Your heart, your lungs, then finally, your brain. And everything you feel, you wish, and want to forget, it all just sinks.
And then suddenly... you give it air again, give it life again.
You remember the first time it happened, where you were so scared you wanted to call 911. Go to the hospital and be kept alive by machines and apple juice. But you didn't want to look like an idiot, and you didn't want to fuck up everyone else's night.
And now overtime, that's all you've wanted.. those two seconds of nothingness.
You spent a good portion of summer before junior year in rehab. God granted you the serenity to accept things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
"Y/N," your sister yelled from afar, greeting you after your long leave. You smiled, and whilst running up to her, tried to continue the conversation with your younger sibling.
"Hey, Come here!"
"How are you?"
"Good, I missed you."
"I missed you too."
"Look at you, are you growing?"
"No."
Looking over, you see your mother standing by your family car.
"Hey," you yelled out to her, only to receive a small smile from her.
And with that. you knew it was your time to go.
|
"I'm very happy for you Y/n. You're about to start a brand-new chapter," Your mother says while driving you and your sister to school. You looked at her with a smile, then turned your attention back to the car window.
You had no intentions of staying clean. And yet, Jirou just moved into town.
"There's some new girl in town that I think you'll be friends with," Shoto said, with you standing beside him in his store.
"Who?"
"Shit, I don't know. She came in looking all punk rock and shit; So I'm thinking to myself, like, 'look like somebody Y/n would be friends with'."
Which was sort of a dead-on observation for Shoto, who's not normally revolving in the same direction as planet earth.
"So how long have you been back?" He asked.
"About five days."
"And how are you feeling?"
"I mean, ever since I gave my life over to my lord and savior Jesus Christ, things have been, like, really good."
"Word? That's what's up," You chuckled at his snarky remark, giving him a small smile.
"I'm fucking with you," you said whilst laughing, "It was a joke."
"Shit, hey, I don't judge," he defended, hands raising to just above his chest.
"But for real, is Deku in the back?"
"Are you serious?" Shoto questioned, seeming very disappointed in you.
"What, you think cause' I went to rehab I stayed clean?"
"I mean, ain't that the point?" he asks.
"Yeah, well, the world is coming to an end, and I haven't even graduated high school yet."
You gave Shoto one more smile before going to Deku, whilst Shoto stared at you the entire way there; There was a hint of sadness in his eyes, but since you were too busy looking for Deku, you didn't see.
You opened one of the doors of the refrigerators, leading you right to him with a bowl of fruit loops,"I thought your ass was dead," he said one he saw your appearance.
"And I thought you had Asperger's till I realized your just a prick," you barked back.
"This a fickle industry, y'all come and go. I'm just trying to stack my cash, pay off our mortgage," he said while pulling out a bunch of plastic bags out of a microwave.
"So what the fuck do you want?" You gave him a knowing look before he handed you needed.
"You sure you don't want to try something new?" He asks you.
"Like what?"
"2C-T-2, 2C-T-7, and 5-MeO-DIPT."
"I'm sorry I have no fucking idea of what you just said."
"It doesn't matter," he stated, "but this shit, is fucking lit."
"What is it?"
"N-diisopropyl-5-methoxytryptamine. It's a fast-acting psychedelic."
Got some similarities to LSD, but with, like, key differences. Not as visual as shit, but definitely a sense distorter.
"What's wrong?" That same dark purple hair girl questioned.
"I'm just so happy," you responded back.
"I don't know, this shits been going off in Tampa, and mad people like to fuck with this," Deku continued on with his descriptions with the drug.
"Okay. Yeah, why not."
"That'll be 120."
"Oh uh, Shoto said he'd spot me."
"Shoto doesn't spot nobody."
"Yeah, well, it's a post-rehab discount, so you should ask him."
"I will go ask him, cause' I know your full of shit."
Those were the last words he said before you walked out. Those were the last words you heard before you saw the same two boys in freshman year.
Bakugo and Kirishima.
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