#but I kinda have a love hate relationship with Sirius Black | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ro-is-struggling · 1 year

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Drunken Confessions || Sirius Black x Reader {Marauders Era}

Summary: You and Sirius always had feelings for each other but you kept it a secret because you two didn't get along. That is until you start dating an exchange student from Ilvermorny. Sirius can't stand seeing you two together all the time so one day he decides he's had enough and confesses his feelings to you under the influence of alcohol.

Warnings: angst (with happy ending), slow burn, unrequited love (but actually mutual pining), kinda enemies to lovers, cheating I guess (the reader is in love with Sirius while dating another guy), mentions of Snape being a jerk to the reader and Lily for being muggleborns, mentions of Jily, Modern AU (so they can have phones to make the prompt make sense), love confessions, fluff, Fem!Gryffindor!Reader

English is not my first language

Word count: 6500

Notes: Basen on a request with the prompt 7 from my 600 Followers Celebration Prompt List

Sirius was watching you from his place at the Gryffindor table lost in thought. You were with him again. Ever since the Ilvermorny exchange students had arrived you hadn't left the side of this Ben guy and he couldn't take it anymore. Everywhere you went he was by your side, holding your hand, carrying your books, lending you his jacket when you got cold... doing all the things he wanted to do for you.

He knew that was impossible, you hated him and barely spoke to him in class, but his dreams didn't hurt anyone. Sirius knew you were polar opposites. You were introverted, quiet, rule-abiding, and popular for your kindness and general cheerfulness, the exact opposite of all the things his name was known for at school. You had never gotten along very well for those reasons, you always saw him as an incompetent buffoon —and you being friends with Snape didn't help his case—, but he had a crush on you from the first moment he saw you. And as much as he knew that a relationship between you was as likely to happen as Snape becoming funny, Sirius couldn't help but feel his insides bubbling with jealousy every time this Ben guy touched you.

From what Sirius had heard, he was an old friend of yours who you hadn't seen for years after he moved back to America with his family. You were thrilled to have the opportunity to spend time with him after so long and it showed in the amount of time you spent together. Sirius could swear that there wasn't a moment of the day when he looked at you and Ben wasn't standing next to you. But no matter how much you insisted that you were just friends, he knew that was a lie. There was more than friendship in your eyes when you looked at each other and he hated it.

He hated it because it meant he truly didn't have a chance with you. You weren't someone who enjoyed casual dating, so if you were in a relationship with Ben like he assumed that meant you really loved him. You were in love with Ben and Sirius could do nothing but admire your happiness from a distance while the bitterness of loneliness consumed his insides.

Of course he was never really alone, but none of the girls he dated from time to time compared to you. You were something special, a girl of singular beauty, the calm his troubled soul so desperately needed. But you were unobtainable for someone like him, so he had to learn to live with the knowledge that he could never hold your hand or feel your lips on his, something that became more difficult when he saw you walking through the halls of Hogwarts with Ben, knowing that he had everything he longed for. Sometimes Sirius wished he had never met you, he was sure that would be easier than forgetting you.

"Are you ready, Black?" your voice snapped him out of his thoughts, forcing him back to reality. At some point you had approached him without him even noticing, looking at him with a raised eyebrow as you waited for him to react. He saw that you were carrying your potions book, holding it tightly against your chest, and then remembered that you had agreed to get together after class to work on a project you had been assigned - he still couldn't believe how unlucky he was to end up paired with you of all people.

"Yeah, let's go" he muttered without paying much attention to his surroundings, getting up from the table and leaving his half-eaten plate of food behind.

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining brightly in the sky, though it wasn't too hot thanks to the gentle breeze rustling the treetops. You wanted to take advantage of the nice weather, so you suggested going to the courtyard to work. Sirius agreed, thinking that the fresh air would help him stay calm by not being locked in a room with the sweet scent of your perfume attacking his nostrils.

The potion you had to brew for Friday's class was a bit more complicated than you both expected. It had a long list of steps and instructions that had to be strictly followed for the final preparation to be perfect —like cutting the ingredients in a specific way and adding them at a specific time. It took you several attempts to come up with a potion that was decent even though you two were top Gryffindor students. And even after spending all afternoon working on it, you still weren't finished. There were still a couple of things to do before you could let the concoction rest for 24 hours as the recipe indicated and the sun was starting to set.

"It's getting late," you muttered as you threw some herbs into the mixture. Sirius was stirring the cauldron with a blank stare, lost in thought. It was something you noticed him doing a lot lately. You wondered what it was that could have him so distracted, though you couldn't bring yourself to ask him. You weren't the kind of people who talked without ending up fighting. "Do you think we'll ever finish this thing?" you joked to lighten the mood.

"Slughorn better give us a good grade after this."Sirius let out a chuckle, looking up to meet your gaze.

"I hope so! Or I'll force it down his throat myself."

"I'll hold him down for you," he laughed, sparking a warm feeling inside you. You liked his laughter and knowing that you were the cause of it gave you a strange sense of pride. Not everyone could make the class clown laugh.

"I miss when Severus did all the work for me," you complained, grabbing the next ingredient for the potion. You, Lily and him used to do all the projects you could together, especially the potions ones. Severus was very good at the subject and far too controlling so most of the time he ended up doing everything himself because he couldn't stand it if you got something wrong. You didn't mind though, you liked learning through him, he was kind of grumpy but he was a good teacher when he wanted to be.

"Is it really bad between you, huh?" Sirius spoke in a soft tone, as if he was genuinely concerned about the big fight you'd had with one of your best friends. You were surprised by his interest given that he was the #1 Snape hater. You expected a sarcastic comment from him or a mocking remark, but instead he seemed genuinely interested in hearing you talk about your problems. It was kind of weird, you guys didn't usually share those kinds of moments, but you decided to give him a chance.

"Yeah, Lily and I are pretty sad about it, but we couldn't keep pretending... Severus changed, he's not the same guy I met on the train five years ago" you murmured, your voice muffled by sadness. It was hard to lose a friend and even harder to lose one the way you and Lily had lost Severus. The way he had treated you, the names he had called you, no friend would ever be able to be so cruel. "Or maybe he's more himself, I don't know anymore... I feel like I don't know him anymore. Maybe I never did."

Sirius felt pure hatred coursing through his veins as he saw the sadness in your eyes. He wanted to kill Snape for daring to make you suffer by calling you that derogatory word. He always knew Snivellus was an idiot, but he had outdone himself by hurting you and Lily like that. You were two of the sweetest, kindest people he had ever met and Snape had been lucky enough to call you his friends. Sirius couldn't believe how he had been such an idiot to lose you two when you were the best thing that had ever happened to him in his miserable, boring life. He would regret that for the rest of his days, Sirius was sure of it.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said with sincerity in his voice. The hand that wasn't stirring the cauldron hovered over yours for a few seconds, trying to decide whether it was appropriate to touch you or not.

You weren't friends so physical contact was a rare thing for you. You didn't even hug occasionally to celebrate Gryffindor's victory in a Quidditch match —in fact, you were lucky if you talked for more than five minutes without arguing—, so he wasn't sure how you would react. But on second thought, you also didn't share intimate moments like this one, filled with meaningful words about your feelings, so he decided to give it a shot.

You looked up to stare at him when you felt the warmth of his hand on yours. The contact awakened a wave of electricity in your body, the skin on your hand tingling under his touch. It was something you had never felt before and it did nothing but raise doubts and confusion in your mind.

"I mean, I know Snape and I have our differences and I don't like him, but still I'm sorry about what happened. He was your friend and it sucks that everything ended this way." You were surprised by the kindness in Sirius' voice. He sounded genuinely sorry for what had happened and not at all smug at being the one who had warned you of his bad side all these years. Was this a sign that he was finally maturing?

"Yeah, I'm sorry too," you sighed, shrugging. "But you're not the one that should be apologizing. I mean, you warned me about him, I just... I couldn't see it. I didn't want to see it. It kinda sucks to learn that your friend hates you for being born, I guess."

"You shouldn't listen to him. Having Lily and you as friends was the best thing that could have happened to him and he's a fucking idiot for not seeing that." Sirius tightened his grip on your hand as a sign of support and you smiled at him, feeling the warmth invade your insides once more. It was a comfortable warmth, a feeling that made you feel safe.

"You're a brilliant witch and you should never let anyone tell you otherwise."

"Thank you, Sirius. I kinda needed to hear that." After all you had been through —having to listen to someone so close to you belittle you for being a Muggle-born wizard— you had fallen into the trap of doubting your abilities. But hearing a wizard as talented as Sirius praise you like that made you feel better. "Look at us! Who would have thought that we were capable of having a normal conversation?" you laughed and he followed suit.

"It's what I've been trying to tell you all these years!" You shared a laugh that felt all too genuine. For the first time since you had known each other you were having a good time together. However, the fun was interrupted by Ben's voice calling your name in the distance.

“There you are! I've been looking for you all day,” he said with an innocent smile. You removed your hand from under Sirius' quickly, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by either boy.

"I'm sorry! We're doing our potions homework and it is taking a bit longer than we thought it would" you explained to Ben, suddenly nervous. You had nothing to hide, you and Sirius were just doing your homework, so why was your stomach turning with nervousness? "We're almost done with the first part, so you can stay with us if you want" you offered. Ben was about to sit down with you, when Sirius' voice interrupted him.

"There's no need, I can finish the rest by myself," he assured you, trying hard to hide the bitterness in his voice. The last thing he wanted at that moment was to share space with Ben. You'd had such a nice evening, he'd rather take that and not have to put up with your public displays of affection.

"Are you sure? I can help you. I mean, I want to. It's our project." You found it strange the way Sirius suddenly seemed to want to get rid of you. You thought you were having a good time together.

"Yes it's fine! Go have fun and I'll see you tomorrow after class to finish it."

You wanted to say something, to insist on staying to help him, but he seemed very determined to finish the first part of the preparation alone so you just nodded. You rose from your place and waved him goodbye, agreeing on a time to meet tomorrow before taking Ben's hand and walking towards the castle. As you walked away you couldn't help but wonder if you had done something wrong to make him angry. Though what stood out the most to you was how much his rejection seemed to affect you.

The potions class the next day only stirred up more confusion within you, not because of the project - Professor Slughorn told you that you were on the right track when you showed him the state of your potion - but because of your feelings for Sirius. Among other potions of advanced difficulty, Professor Slughorn introduced the class to Amortentia, the most powerful love potion in existence. Everyone crowded around the professor's desk where the cauldron of steaming liquid rested, desperate to smell the steam rising in spirals and discover the scent of love. All except Lily and you, who stayed at the back of the room and only approached when the rest of the class began to disperse.

There was something about the promise of discovering smells that attracted you even if you didn't know it that terrified you. You both knew very well what you might encounter because no matter how hard you tried to hide it, the feelings were there, but you didn't want to be confronted with the obvious confirmation that the scent of Amortentia would provide. If it were up to you, you would never have gone near that cauldron, but Professor Slughorn invited you when he saw that you were not moving and you could not refuse. So, letting out a sigh, you approached the desk and reluctantly smelled the potion.

The first aroma that attacked your nostrils was that of freshly brewed coffee, the only thing that could get you out of bed on cold mornings. Then the coffee morphed into the smell of parchment and old books that flooded the school library, where you spent most of your afternoons doing your homework. It was a scent you had come to love as you associated it with Hogwarts and the wonders of the magical world, a place that had become your second home and that you missed like crazy during the school breaks.

You were happy with your experience with Amortentia, letting out a sigh of relief as you discovered that it evoked familiar and harmless smells for you, things you already knew you found pleasant. But just as you were walking away from the cauldron, the third smell attacked you. And this time it wasn't as harmless as the others. Far from it, it turned your world upside down.

You wished it was Ben's cologne or even the smell of his shampoo, anything to reassure you that you were doing the right thing by dating him. But the strong smell of musk and cigarettes that assaulted your nose was a loud and clear message: it was Sirius that your heart truly desired.

Lily looked just as horrified as you did when you returned to your seats, and despite the fact that neither of you mentioned the Amortentia for the rest of the day, you didn't have to talk about it to know what had happened. You knew each other well enough to know that the damn potion had only confirmed your greatest fears: you were in love with Sirius and she was in love with James.

Your mood was ruined after that potions class, your mind too preoccupied with finding another explanation for smelling Sirius' very essence in the Amortentia to concentrate on anything else. There was no way you could accept that you were in love with him. No. There had to be another explanation. You couldn't be in love with him. He was arrogant and annoying, always thinking he was smarter and funnier than he actually was. He was the complete opposite of you and there was no way you could be in love with him. Not when you had a kind and wonderful guy who loved and respected you by your side.

Ben was your friend, someone you had shared beautiful moments with. He understood you better than anyone and even though you hadn't seen each other for a couple of years, he hadn't changed at all. You had a special bond that had not faded with the passage of time. You two together made sense. He was probably the most appropriate guy for you in all of Hogwarts. So why couldn't you love him like he loved you?

When you met Sirius at the agreed time and place you immediately noticed that the atmosphere was different from the previous day. Yesterday you had managed to create a pleasant working environment and even ended up sharing an intimate and meaningful moment that you would never have expected to have with him. But today there was nothing but tension in the air as you sat next to him, pulling your potions book out of your backpack to read the recipe for the thousandth time. You both seemed to be in a bad mood and the fact that your phone was ringing every five minutes with messages from Ben didn't help.

"What's wrong with lover boy today? Can't he see that you're busy?" There was something about the annoyed, sarcastic tone in which Sirius said that that you didn't like. Maybe it was your bad mood exaggerating things, but he had no right to speak to you in that tone.

"We're going on a date to Hogsmeade today and he's just making sure I remember it, that's all." you said through gritted teeth, thinking you didn't have to explain anything to him.

"He sent you like a thousand texts already, does he think you're dumb or something?" Sirius couldn't explain what had gotten into him either. He assumed he still hadn't recovered from watching you leave with your boyfriend yesterday while he stayed behind. Having smelled your perfume on the Amortentia didn't help him either, especially since you kept reminding him that you weren't his and never would be.

"No, he just misses me," you replied reluctantly, rolling your eyes.

You decided not to speak anymore after that in order to keep the peace between you, limiting yourself to opening your mouth only to talk about the potion you were brewing. However, you were both in such a bad mood that you ended up arguing about that as well, further delaying the process and damning yourselves to spend more time together.

"Do you mind finishing it alone? It's getting late and I have to go get ready." you asked when you saw how late it was getting. You had less than half an hour to get ready for your date and meet the rest of the students going to Hogsmeade or you would miss the trip altogether.

"Actually, I do. This is your project too and I'm not going to do this all by myself." Sirius knew he was being irrational, looking for excuses to force you to stay with him. He didn't care that you were fighting as long as it meant you wouldn't go on your date with Ben. He was being selfish and he wasn't proud of it, but jealousy was getting the better of him.

"What?" The question sounded more like an exclamation of surprise, looking at Sirius with narrowed eyes as you tried to find some indication on his face that he was joking. When you found none, you let out a sigh of disbelief. Yesterday he hadn't hesitated to kick you out and now he was complaining about working alone? It didn't make any sense.

"What the hell is your problem today? Why are you acting like a jerk all of a sudden?"

"I have a problem?" Sirius laughed sarcastically. "And what about your little boyfriend? He's the one who can't seem to leave you alone for five minutes." It was obvious what Sirius' problem was at this point, but you were too annoyed to notice the jealousy in his voice.

"What does he have to do with anything?" Confusion was written all over your face, anger evident in your stiff posture and your arms crossed over your chest. What was his fucking problem?

"Nothing, he's a saint. He never does anything wrong" he muttered between his teeth, as if he was speaking more to himself than to you. But despite his low tone of voice, you heard him with perfect clarity.

"Why do you care so much about him?" You were tired of beating around the bush, you needed answers. You needed to hear him say what he really thought. You needed to know if behind his teasing and sarcastic remarks hid at least a hint of jealousy —if you weren't the only one who felt something.

Your eyes begged him for an honest answer, but Sirius didn't have the courage - or the composure - he needed to give it to you at that moment. "I don't care about him or you," he said instead. "You know what? Go with him, don't keep him waiting. I'll finish this later."

Without another word, Sirius got up and gathered his things from the table, disappearing behind the door in a matter of seconds. You watched him walk away not knowing what to do or say, feeling the lump in your throat tighten to the point where you found it hard to breathe.

He didn't care about you.

"Okay, what's wrong with you?" Ben asked you after spending the last five minutes talking without an answer from you. It was obvious something was wrong with you, you had been distracted since you left the castle.

"What?" Looking up from the teacup in front of you, you met your boyfriend's worried gaze and your heart broke a little more. Why did everything have to be so complicated? You were in Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop, the most romantic place in Hogsmeade accompanied by the most wonderful guy in the world and your mind was still thinking about Sirius. "Oh, nothing. I'm a little tired, that's all." You put on a smile, but Ben knew you too well to notice that it wasn't genuine.

"C'mon! Something is bothering you, what is it?" he insisted and you answered his question immediately, not with words, but with your eyes.

Just as Ben stretched his hand across the table to rest it on yours, your eyes wandered to the store window. Among the people walking through the streets of Hogsmeade you were able to make out Sirius, who was walking by while holding hands with a Hufflepuff girl. Your expression changed immediately, sadness evident in your eyes as you made eye contact with the guy who didn't seem to want to leave your thoughts. He looked at you as he crossed the street, his eyes traveling to where your hand joined Ben's on the table. And then his eyes shifted to the girl laughing next to him, leaning down to give her a kiss on the cheek as they walked past you.

"It's him, isn't it?" Ben's voice managed to get your attention again and you turned to look at him. He knew, you could see it in his eyes. He knew your little secret.

“Huh?”

“Sirius. He’s the one you want.” The certainty in his voice made you feel like the worst human being in the history of mankind. He was sure of what he was saying, he had no doubt that he wasn't the one you really loved.

"What? No! Sirius and I aren't even friends." You didn't know why you were lying, you knew Ben had figured you out. You supposed it was because you refused to admit your true feelings out loud. Saying it made it real, it stopped being a bunch of doubts and guesses that haunted your mind late at night and became the cruel and painful reality. You were not ready for that. "I have you, why would I want to be with anyone else?"

"I see the way you look at him when you think nobody is watching you." Ben stated and the smile on your face vanished. "If he's the one you truly want, then you should be with him."

"A relationship between us would never work, we are not compatible." You tried to sound casual, to hide your feelings in a joke, but your voice came out sour, revealing the truth of your heart. "I'm with you now! And you are infinitely better to me than he is. We actually get along."

"Maybe, but you don't love me like you love him." Ben was calm, too calm for anyone in the position he was in. He didn't sound angry or devastated. It was as if he'd had time to process the situation, as if he'd surrendered to the reality that confronted him every time you looked at Sirius a long time ago. He had already mourned your relationship and you wondered how long he had known about your true feelings —certainly longer than you had known yourself.

"Ben, I-" you tried to speak, feeling the burn of tears building up in your eyes, but he interrupted you.

"I get it, Y/N. It's not your fault. It's not anybody's fault. We can't choose who we fall in love with... and I can't force you to love me."

"But I do love you, Ben."

"I know you do, but not like I love you." The calm in his voice destroyed you. No matter how hard it was for you to admit it, he was right. You loved him, but as a friend. All this time you had tried so hard to make that change, trying to force your heart to forget Sirius, but it was simply impossible. And in the process you had ended up hurting one of the most important people in your life.

“And that’s fine, I’m not mad at you for not loving me.” Ben continued, giving you a small smile that did little to ease the pain in your heart. You were a horrible person and honestly he deserved someone better than you. "But I need you to be honest with me, because I value our friendship and I don't want to lose it too. So if you love him then say it and we'll break up right now. Maybe that way we can save our friendship."

You didn't see the point in continuing to lie. It was more than clear that you loved Ben very much, but your heart belonged to someone else. Continuing to deny it would only hurt you and him more and that was the last thing you wanted. Your deceptions had done enough damage, you didn't want to lose the beautiful bond that held you together - though there was no doubt that it wouldn't be the same after this.

"I'm sorry," you whispered in a broken voice as a couple of tears escaped your eyes. "I never meant for any of this to happen, I-"

"It's okay. Like I said, it's nobody's fault." Ben comforted you, taking your hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze. It was ironic that he was the one making you feel better when you had been the one to hurt him, but your mind was so full of conflicting thoughts and feelings that you weren't able to realize at the time how terrible it was. "Now, what do you say we get out of here? I'll buy you anything you want from Honeydukes."

The Hufflepuff party was exactly what Sirius needed at that moment. Loud music and lots of alcohol were the perfect combination to take his mind off you, at least for a few hours. He gave into the euphoria of the moment, losing himself in Amy's lips as they danced. It worked wonders for a while, but the more intoxicated he became, the harder it was for him to control his mind, which kept imagining that it was your hands caressing his body, your lips kissing him desperately, your hips grinding against his to the rhythm of the music, and not Amy’s.

It became obvious that there was nothing he could do to get you out of his mind, so Sirius came up with a dumb excuse for Amy and disappeared into the sea of people before she could say a word back to him. He stumbled his way back to his dorm, cursing himself for drinking so much. Luckily he didn't run into anyone in the halls and was able to get to his bed in one piece. The room was empty since his friends were still at the party, so he had the privacy he needed to sink into his misery.

Why couldn't he be the one holding your hand while you enjoyed a date at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop? Sirius hated that place, it was too cheesy for him, but he hated even more to see you there with another guy. He should be the one taking you on dates around Hogsmeade and buying you gifts. He wanted to walk hand in hand with you and carry your books through the halls of the school. He wanted to be yours and for you to be his, why was that so hard?

He should have said it a long time ago, maybe if he had been honest in the past his present would be different. Maybe he would be the one you would be texting every five minutes and not that idiot Ben.

Then an idea popped into his mind. It was a terrible one, but his brain was too intoxicated to realize what he was about to do. He fumbled in the dark for his phone, which was forgotten among the mess of sheets he called a bed. The brightness of the screen blinded him for a moment, hurting his sensitive eyes, but he managed to find your name in his contacts despite the difficulties.

'You up?' Typing that message took him longer than it should have, but he didn't care. He was determined to fix his mistakes and there was nothing that could make him change his mind.

He waited a few minutes for a reply, but it never came. He figured that was normal since it was late at night. You weren't a party girl, so you were probably already asleep. However, Sirius didn't let that discourage him, opting to leave you a voicemail instead.

"I know you're probably sleeping right now, but I can't wait any longer to tell you this..." he began, pausing for a long moment as he tried to organize his thoughts. "I lied, I do care about you... I care about you and Ben being together cause... cause I should be in his place. I like you, Y/N, a lot actually, and seeing you with him is torture. And I know you're happy with him and that he's better than me, but... I just... I wish I was the one you loved, cause I love you and I'm tired of hiding it. I love you and I wish things could be different between us."

Sirius sent the message before his brain recovered from his drinking enough to make him change his mind. It felt good to finally let go of years of pent up feelings, he felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. In the state he was in he wasn't able to realize what a mess his confession could create, so he rolled over in bed and in a matter of minutes he was asleep, safe in the calm that ignorance gave him.

Sirius' deep, raspy voice was the first thing you heard on the cloudy Saturday morning. You were the last of all your roommates to wake up, probably because you spent the night tossing and turning in bed as you reviewed the events of the day. You didn't feel like leaving the bed yet, so you curled up between the sheets and grabbed your phone to distract your mind.

As you turned on the device's screen Sirius' name flashed among the notifications. Talking to him was the last thing you wanted to do at that moment, but curiosity got the better of you when you saw the time he had texted you. His voice was slow and low, almost a hoarse whisper. The way he slurred his words as he spoke told you he was drunk, although all those details stopped mattering to you when you heard the content of his message.

He loved you?

You sat on your bed in complete shock for a couple of minutes, your eyes glued to the wall as you replayed his message over and over again to make sure it wasn't some kind of hyper-realistic hallucination.

He loved you.

You were just beginning to lighten up at the thought of your feelings being reciprocated when a small detail dawned on you: Sirius was drunk. He had sent you that message when he was under the influence of alcohol. He wasn't himself and therefore you couldn't trust his words.

But this time instead of sitting around assuming things, you decided to do something about it. You needed to know if his words were real, if he truly felt for you all he claimed in his message.

You were dressed and down the stairs in less than five minutes, focused on finding Sirius. You scanned the entire common room with your eyes, looking for his long brown hair and leather jacket among the crowd of students lounging on couches or doing homework at desks, getting as much work done as they could before exams. He was nowhere to be seen, but your eyes did meet his friends gathered at the side, chatting and laughing as they always did.

"Hey! I'm looking for Sirius, do you guys have any idea of where he might be?" you asked them as you approached them, shamelessly interrupting their conversation. There was a moment of silence where they all shared a look before James gave you the answer you were looking for.

"He's in bed with the worst hangover of his life," he said. "Why...?" James tried to find out what it was you wanted with his friend, but you disappeared up the stairs before he could finish the sentence.

You made your way to his bedroom without a second thought. You had been there a couple of times in the past so you knew the way. This time was different from the others though. On the previous occasions you were accompanied by Lily and you were usually there to complain about something James and Sirius had done. But this time you weren't there to fight with him like a couple of immature children. You were looking for him to discuss whatever it was that you had going on, so normally the nerves were slowly taking over your system. Still, you tried to keep them from affecting your mind, confidently knocking on his bedroom door to hide the fact that your heart was beating with a pace that was probably unhealthy.

"Is it true?" was the first thing you said to him when Sirius opened the door. He looked like he was just getting up, his long hair tangled and his eyes narrowed as if the light was bothering him.

It took Sirius a few seconds to comprehend what you were saying, struggling to remember the events of the night before. The throbbing pain in his head had improved, but that still didn't help him regain his memory. Everything was a confusing haze of images that passed too quickly. The harder he tried to remember, the more the details slipped away, as if they were a dream that was lost in his subconscious the moment he woke up.

But then his own voice echoed in his mind.

'I love you and I wish things could be different between us.'

"Oh," he murmured as the realization hit him. "You got my message, huh?" he added, stepping aside to let you into the room. The conversation that would follow was not one to be had in the hallway.

"That's it?" you said, watching as he sat back down on his bed. "That's all that you're going to say?"

"What more do you want me to say?" Sirius sighed, running his hand through his hair. "That I pictured our lives together a thousand times? That the sound of your laugh makes my heart race? That there's no other girl I want to be with?" he said, getting up once more to approach you. He raised his voice, but he didn't sound angry, just... frustrated. "What difference would that make? You're with him now, so it's too late." He turned his back to you since it was difficult for him to maintain eye contact with you while exposing his feelings. He hated feeling vulnerable, but there was no point in lying anymore.

"Not anymore." Your voice was low, almost a whisper, but loud enough for Sirius to hear you.

"What?" He turned, looking at you with eyes full of confusion and illusion.

"We broke up yesterday... he knew even before I did that my heart belonged to someone else... to the only guy I swore I wasn't gonna fall for." You let out a quiet laugh, finding the irony of the situation amusing.

"Wait, are you saying that...?" Sirius spoke cautiously, a part of him refusing to believe what you were saying.

"I'm saying that you were the one I smell in the Amortentia." You interrupted him, confirming his doubts before he could even pronounce them. "It's you, it's always been you."

Sirius didn't waste another second, closing the distance between you and crashing his lips against yours. Fireworks exploded behind your eyes as you lost yourself in the kiss, feeling the warmth of Sirius' body envelop you completely. It didn't feel real. After denying your feelings for so long it was hard to believe you were finally kissing him, but there was no denying the electricity that coursed through your body, reassuring you that it wasn't just a dream.

The world around you froze for an instant, all thoughts unrelated to Sirius disappeared from your mind as his lips caressed yours with desperation. It felt right, as if you were put into this world to be together. His lips connected with yours perfectly, like two pieces of a puzzle that had taken you too long to put together. But it was finally happening, after all the comings and goings you had found each other and neither of you planned on letting the other go.

#sirius black x reader #sirius black x female reader #sirius black angst #sirius black fluff #sirius black x fem reader #sirius black #marauders era imagine #ro's 600 followers celebration

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deathinjune6 · 8 months

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unpopular opinions on marauders!

peter and sirius were never equals. it was always james and sirius, then remus, and lastly peter.

peter pettigrew is a lazily written character, and is often overlooked by the fandom. he is basically the reason why the whole harry potter story started yet people minimize his character to a coward. although i understand why he is oversimplified in the books, because they are mainly written for children who don't really get the multifaceted complexions of morally grey characters; i believe that we as the fandom should dive more deeply in his motives.

regulus is interesting cause rowling didn't have the chance to ruin his character.

i hate seeing sirius portrayed as a dumb womanizer, or reduced to his sexuality/romantic relationships only. it takes guts to stand up against your fucked up family and run away from them as a teen. he has so many interesting aspects to his personality and people usually choose to ignore it.

i love james and lily together but still lily is kinda wrong for marrying her literal best friends' bully.

a lot of us would be bullied by the marauders for being nerds.

portraying people as saints is boring. same goes for evil.

this is not a justification, but i understand why wormtail choose to be a traitor. a lot of us would too, for survival mainly.

the most powerful bond in the entire series is the one between sirius and james. then comes lily and severus.

we should have more diverse forms of art about the marauders

slowburn fanfics are the best ones.

more roleplays please!!!

i wish there were more post hogwarts fanfics!!

the youtube series "great wizarding war" is amazing. so is the black sisters movie. and that one about neville and his parents.

james potter was an asshole. doesn't necessarily mean he was evil. he was an asshole and a teenager, i feel like most fanfic portray him poorly.

do we ever see hagrid in marauders fanfiction?

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masivechaos · 1 year

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DANCING WITH OUR HANDS TIED - first love part.2

regulus black x gn! potter! reader

Request: yes / no

Synopsis: Regulus doesn't want you in his life anymore. To protect you, he said. But you decide otherwise and you hopefully have a big brother by your side to help you.

Warning/content: hurt to comfort, crying, my English

a.n.: 1.6k words - kinda inspired by dancing with our hands tied by taylor swift. hope you all like this <3 also requests are open again!

masterlist/ marauders masterlist / navigation / taglist / part. 1

── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.───･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.──

James hated to see you cry, especially when you were such a ray of sunshine all the time. The worst about it was that he didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know the reason for your pain and he had to watch as your state was worst and worst every day. He just sat next to you, a hand on your back, smoothing your sweater softly “It’s going to be okay”

He helped you breathe properly. He couldn’t help but asked the question that burned his lips for weeks “What's going on? Please, tell me what’s wrong. I want to help you” he almost beg. He hated seeing his sibling like this. He needed to help.

You glanced at him, considering if you should tell him or not. The weight of your heart was too heavy, you had to deliver it. The last weeks were so hard. How could you miss someone that was still next to you? “Don’t tell anyone” you knew you could trust him but you had to make sure, he could let it slip away without meaning to.

“Of course” he offered you a smile, warm and reassuring. You sniffled loudly “It’s Regulus” James never expected this, he let out a gasp of surprise. It wasn’t the moment to be so curious and he kept his mouth shut, his silence inviting you to confess “We were dating and- and… he-” your crying, which had calmed down, started up again even stronger.

James held you tighter, his hand cradling your head, letting it rest against his chest. “Take your time” he whispered softly.

“He- He told me to leave him because he’s going to be a deatheater. He was so cold and mean and-” you broke down even more, a big salted tear falling from your eyelashes to your cheek.

James remembered all the times you came back from quidditch with a smile on your lips and dishevelled hair. He couldn’t help but smile a bit, you weren’t his sibling for no reason.

He snapped back to a serious state, he wanted to do everything he could to make you feel better “He probably wants to protect you.”

Brutally, you lifted your head, eyes filled with tears “Sirius escaped and he doesn’t have to be a deatheater anymore! Why would Regulus have to be?!” you immediately regretted yelling at him, but you couldn’t help it, you were so tense.

James stayed silent, you were right.

“He can’t make these choices for me! For us!” your sadness from the previous weeks that kept you silent turned into anger, a knot building in your stomach as you thought about the betrayal. James looked at you proudly, you didn’t let yourself be stepped on.

“Then why don’t you tell him?”

“I don’t know” You looked up at him with the first smile you were able to offer for the last few weeks. You both thought about the same thing.

“Communication”

“Communication” You both sang at the same time.

James always made sure you had a healthy relationship with everyone, and that went with communication.

“Go find him,” James said, a hand on your shoulder.

:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

“Regulus.” your tone was harsh. The same tone he used when he dumped you. The rain poured hard, wetting your clothes quickly. Regulus froze at the sound of your voice, clearly not expecting to see you after treating you like this.

He didn’t turn around. Because if he did he would see you, see your puffy eyes and tears-strained cheeks, see what he did to you.

“I-it’s not fair w-what you did!” Regulus shut his eyes, hearing your voice break hurt him more than he thought it would. He hated himself so much. “You can’t just decide what’s good for us!” you sounded angry but quickly adopted a soft tone “We will find a solution, I promise. Sirius can help you. I won’t let you live the life you don’t want. I decided to date you knowing very well that we had to go through this.”

You started to run out of words and panicked at the idea that you won’t be able to convince him. “As long as we are together, it’s going to be okay,” you said, hoping it was the right thing to say.

Regulus didn’t answer but he turned around. His eyes found yours and he fell apart, his knees hit the ground as his shoulders shook, loud sobs escaping him.

Without thinking, you ran to him, wrapping your arms around him, his head settling in the crook of your neck “It’s okay, baby. We will be okay.” You kissed the crown of his head, rocking you both back and forth slowly.

He wiped his eyes clumsily with the palm of his hands, his tears had melted with the raindrops running down his face “I love you so much,” he cried. He couldn’t let you go, he couldn’t lose you. During the last weeks, he realised how much he needed you. His bed was empty and cold without you, in his sleep he was grasping for you unconsciously. He would wake up only to remember you weren’t his anymore, he would try to escape his thoughts by falling asleep but even in his dreams you were still there, haunting him. Oh but you were the prettiest ghost for sure.

His loud cries with the sound of the rain made it hard to hear what you were telling him but it didn’t matter. You were by his side and it was all that he cared about. “I don’t want to lose you”

“You are not going to lose me,” you said, gently kissing his damp cheeks “I’m right here. I’m not going to disappear.”

“I’m so scared,” he confessed, he couldn’t contain his apprehensions anymore, it was too much for a lonely mind “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Nothing is going to happen to me. We are going to be safe together.”

“I want us to be together but I want you to stay away from anything related to my family and dark arts.”

You smiled at him, relieved he accepted you “Okay,” you said, pressing your forehead against his “I will stay away from your business but I will stay by your side”

Regulus let a smile kiss his lips for the first time in weeks “Thank you,” he breathed, holding you as hard as he could, keeping you as close as he could.

:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

James watched as you smiled at your friends. He easily understood what had happened and was more than happy.

“Why are they suddenly happy again?” Sirius said, sitting on the bench next to James, grabbing a piece of bread, pointing at you with his chin.

“Love,” James simply answered.

Sirius stopped for a second. As James was like a brother to him, you were a sibling too to him. “Ooh,” he smirked, “with who?”

James was a terrible liar “Umm,” he said nervously, “I don’t know-”

Fortunately, you had got up and walked to them, saving your brother- or yourself. “Hi Sirius,” you smiled, raising an eyebrow at Sirius’ suspicious expression.

“Sooo,” he grinned, “who do you have a crush on?” he offered you a large smile, making sure you understood he wanted to know everything.

“Um…” your eyes searched for help in James but he seemed even more panicked than you were. Unconsciously, your head turned to the Slytherin table, watching Regulus as he looked particularly annoyed next to Barty who was way too loud for him.

Sirius’ eyes widened “No way!”

You winced, you hoped you didn’t just ruin the only chance you had to save Regulus.

“MY BEST FRIEND’S SIBLING IS IN LOVE WITH MY BROTHER!” he whisper-yelled.

“Sorry-” you apologized as you started to think he got mad but he was actually ecstatic.

He turned to you, grabbing both of your shoulders, shaking you “That’s so fucking cool!! I and James are going to be brothers-in-law!!” You smiled at his reaction which was more than adorable but suddenly his eyebrows furrowed a bit “But honestly, you don’t have great taste in men, everybody knows I’m the best Black brother!”

You had broke into laughter, the sound had caught Regulus’ attention who had joined you, offering Sirius a small nod. “He knows,” you pointed at Sirius.

“Oh- Okay…” he avoided any eye contact with his brother who wore a large grin, knowing very well he will have to go through a whole interrogation later.

James cleared his throat, looping his arms around both you and Regulus, looking at Sirius. You and Regulus stood there awkwardly, letting out a quiet chuckle “So, Sirius. I think Baby Black needs your help with something”

Regulus' ears were now bright red at the nickname and you laughed at how adorable he looked at the moment.

“With what?” Sirius asked confused.

James shooted you a glance before breaking the embrace, coming by Sirius’ side and whispering in his ear.

“Ooh,” Sirius changed to a serious tone. He looked at his little brother “Hey kiddo, we need to talk” Regulus rolled his eyes at the nickname but still followed Sirius to a more private place.

During the following weeks, it was hard. Sirius helped Regulus to escape from the grasp of their family, the Potters’ house officially becoming a refuge for the Black brothers. There were a lot of scary moments for the both of you but this time, instead of running away, you decided to stick together, to become stronger as a couple.

You were by Regulus’ side all the time, letting him cry in your arms but also welcoming his sweet laughter when life started to get better.

He was your first love. And your only love.

── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.───･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.──

⋆ ★ regulus black taglist: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @sw34terw34ther @cauliflowertree @madison-rebel @moonlitmeeks @rhydianissuperior @loveeharrington @mad-elia @jackys-stuff-blog @elenatries2write @juneberrie @f4iry-blush @gilmore-angel @heartfucks @songs4themoon @moondemon123 @mystic-writings @siriusblackstwin @natashxromanovf @unadulterated-syd @garfieldsladybird @starconfettii @percy-the-hufflepuff @fairydxll @spookydarkwitch @duxpuella @innerloverpainter @kieracassette @nyxxxxxxxx @venussflytraps @oncasette @goodoldfashionedluvergirl

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witchthewriter · 2 years

Photo

𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤'𝐬 𝐬/𝐨 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞 ♣

⤷ female & ambiguous race reader

(what’s the term for when me, the writer, doesn’t say the race of the reader?? I want to know the term bcs I feel kinda like a twat saying ambiguous lol)

If you’re a Gryffindor

✧ Enemies > friends > enemies again > earned trust back > good friends > mutual pining > in love

✧ You were sitting at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, buzzing as you had just been sorted. The cheers had your ears ringing and you couldn’t stop smiling.

A red-headed girl sat beside you, a grin mirroring yours.

“Hello, I’m Lily Evans. This is all just so wonderful!” You shook her hand and nodded.

“I come from a muggle family, so this is crazy to me!”

Lily’s excitemement only grew, “you’re muggleborn as well?” She exclaimed.

✧ You and Lily became friends quickly and soon; best friends. ‘A dynamic duo’, Slughorn would say. Your skills in charms were impressive for such a young witch. And it earned you a seat with Lily at the slug club (although you hated it.)

✧ You had a sort of rivalry between you and Sirius. As James would pine over Lily, many people joked that Sirius should ask you out. But you quick to retort with a gag or a snort.

If you’re a Hufflepuff

✯ friends > love triangle with you, Remus and Sirius > realising you and Remus are better as friends > Sirius has to go away for a while > when he comes back you think he’s fallen out of love > grand gesture of his love

✯ You had noticed Sirius ever since your first time on the Hogwarts’ Express. You were alone in a carriage, your tawny owl in a cage, hooting crankily.

“Yes Arty I know. But I don’t think I’m allowed to let you out-”

“Oh I’m sure you can let him out for a little bit,” a young boy with curly black hair stood in the doorway. A bag slung over his shoulder.

“Mind if I sit? Everywhere else is taken.”

✯ You were good friends with Remus; you had helped him find some books in the library. And he could regularly find you there. This friendship meant Sirius would hang about in the library, waiting for James. He earned many looks from the librarian and some days he was kicked out. But he knew Remus would be there, and if not him - then you would

✯ Not being that popular, and having more of a secluded personality. But Remus and Sirius fell in love with your ability to care about creatures so different from yourself.

If you’re a Ravenclaw

✶ aquaintances > fake relationship > growing closer > him being your first kiss > ‘breaking up’ > back to aquaintances > finding each other in the last year at hogwarts > falling in love

✶ Your mind had never even given Sirius Black a single thought, not until one of the Marauder’s pranks had made your friend a victim.

✶ Sirius had been given a bet by a Slytherin that he couldn’t ask a random girl out, but instead of having you on, he told you about the bet and you would get a cut of his winnings.

✶ The more you got to know Sirius, the harder it got to fake how you felt. His personality was just as attractive as his appearance. And you couldn’t help it.

If you’re a Slytherin

✦ childhood friends > fake enemies > forbidden love > secret meetings > you having to step up and confront your family > showing everyone that you and Sirius are together

✦ You were Sirius Black’s family friend - well, friend is a lose term. You grew up together; knowing about Sirius even before James or Remus.

✦ You and Sirius had always been close; growing up in cold families made it easy to drift together. You were a pureblood as well, but you really didn’t care. When you saw what happened to Sirius after he stood up to his parents, your heart crumbled. How could you do the same?

✦ You had a big decision to make, would you follow along in your family’s footsteps or become the person you wanted to be?

⭑ In the relationship Sirius is incredibly loving; his loyalty is unending. Knowing that his love is reciprocated means you will ALWAYS have someone who cares, who has your back.

⭑ You see a side that not even James, Remus or Peter had ever seen.

⭑ Letting him know that he can rely on you. That you will never abandon him, or throw him out.

⭑ He adores how kind you are; how open-minded and caring you can be. Especially to animals.

⭑ I definitely think you and Sirius would adopt another dog, or maybe two. I say another dog because I definitely feel like Sirius would turn into his animagus randomly.

⭑ Just like in his dog form, human Sirius would love head scratches. Can you imagine him just laying his head on your lap and placing your hand in his hair???

“Sirius what-” And you just shake your head, letting the corners of your mouth quirk upwards.

⭑ Visiting Lily and James so so often. You were Lily’s maid of honor, and Sirius was James’. The wedding wasn’t small, nor was it huge. Dumbledore was there, so was McGonagall. Remus and Peter were James’ other best men. Molly and Arthur sat in the second row to the front. (I have a feeling it wasn’t a church wedding?)

⭑ You like to bite him; sometimes in a sexy way, but mostly in a ‘I love you so much I’m going to bite you’

⭑ Sneaking up behind you and giving you an attack hug

⭑ Remus visits your apartment often

⭑ Absolutely falling in love with little Harry. You and Sirius were the first people that James and Lily told.

#sirius black #dating sirius black would include #dating would include #sirius black headcanons #sirius black x reader #young sirius black #fancast #sirius black fancast #harry potter #harry potter headcanons #sirius black x y/n #sirius black x you #would include #headcanons #ships

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emmawithtwoms · 15 days

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MY TAKE ON SIRIUS BLACK

I feel like Sirus and Walburga's relationship has so much potential to be way more toxic than usually depicted.

I'm gonna use canon references here, and explain my opinion, here goes:

When Sirius escapes Azkaban and needs a place to stay, Grimmauld place is the last house he wants to go to, now, many might say that it's obvious why, his family was extremely abusive, but how abusive are we really talking about here?

We know that Walburga's portrait loaths Sirius with all her being, and yells at him constantly, aided by Kreacher, but then WHY would Sirius hide away in her room when he is sulking?

Same thing with Regulus: the very first thing Sirius does once he is back in that house is to clean everything: there is not a single corner of that house that he does not turn inside out in order to get rid of evrything that belonged to his family, except for three rooms: His Room, Walburga's room and Regulus' room.

If he hated him that much, how come he didn't even open that bedroom? He could have offered it to Harry to sleep in, but instead he kept it as if his brother had just left.

Could it be a way of mourning a family he wished he had? A brother he wish he could have known better?

Stay with me for another bit.

The only thig Sirius says about his childhood home is that he loathed his whole family, he never said anything about being phisically abused, although we can imagine that happened, seeing the magnificent collection of dark artifacts in that home.

The only time Sirius speaks about his brother all he says is:

"I hated the whole lot of them: my parents, with their pure-blood mania, convinced that to be a Black made you practically Royal...my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them...

"He was younger than me, and a much better son, as I was constantly reminded...

"Stupid idiot, he joined the Death Eathers...

"They thought Voldemort had the right idea, they wew all in for the purification of the wizarding race...

"the got cold feet when they saw what he was prepared to do to get power, but I bet my parents thought Regulus was a right little hero for joining up at first...

"He was murdered by Voldemort. Or on Voldemort's order, more likely; I doubt Regulus was ever important enough to be killed by Voldemort in person. From what I found out after he died, he got in so far, then panicked about what he was being asked to do and tried to back out."

OOTP CH.6

Now, Sirius doesn't say that anything actually bad to him happened in that house, but we can see lots of resentment towards Regulus. And even tho he could have called him any kind of names, the only things he said are that he was "Soft enough to believe them, a better son and an Idiot".

Here comes what I think happened in that house:

Sirius and his family had that kind of "I'm doing this because I love you" relationship: I believe that Walburga and Sirius had a kind of sick love between them, same thing for the brothers.

I think that Walburga was the kind of parent that would punish Sirius each time he would do something "bad", and it would be very stern and abusive punishments, to then close them with a kind caress on his face while she told him "You know I'm just doing this because I love you, Sirius" or "I just want what's best for you, darling." And that brought to this extremely toxic and codependent relationship where Sirius actually felt bad for disappointing his parents, even tho he knew he never did anything actually wrong.

I then believe that the constant comparison with his brother brought a young and affection starved Sirius to act out even more, to just wanting to be seen by his parents, and that made him develop a strong resentment towards his brother, who was much better than him at playing their parent's game.

I think Sirius actually loved his brother in his own way, and kinda felt responsable for his downfall: the word soft is the real key here, I interpret it as a way of saying that all Reg actually wanted was their parent's approval, and he ended up genuinely believing him, as I believe Sirius would have done if he ended up in Slytherin.

And I support this because Sirius actually reserched things about his brother's death, obviously it's all filled with hatred, but still he wanted to know what happened to his little brother.

Everything changed when he was 16 and he ran away from home, but we don't know what really happened, we can only imagine what the last straw was that made him run to the Potter's.

I firmly believe that Sirius would have been much more similar to Regulus, had he never known James Potter.

So, I think that Sirius not tearing apart his mother's portrait (He could have slashed it as he did with the Fat Lady's in PoA), him not touching his brother's room and taking refuge in Walburga's are all signs that he actually mourned a family he never had, he wished to be loved as a child, and never really realized what made it all so hard for them to be such a cursed family.

So yeah, this is my take on Sirius's relationship with his family, I would gladly talk to someone about ths because I really spend too much time analyzing Sirius Black.

#sirius black #regulus black #walburga black #the black brothers #the blacks #black family #the noble and most ancient house of black #house of black #marauders #harry potter #harry potter and the order of the phoenix #ootp #sirius black and regulus black #abusive relationships #marauders era #sirius orion black #james potter

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jamespottersdaisy · 26 days

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Ayla's 1k celebration!

Hello there, my sweets!

In exactly 15 days, my first fanfic (one that you guys love sm) will be one year old! In one year we have grown from 5 people into 1005?! I can't fathom it actually, but thank you all. Thank you for reading my work, but especially thanks to all those that left nice comments and encouraging words for me. They were truly the biggest motivation.

Hence, for you (and for me as well), I thought of a small celebration kinda thing, which, now that I see, takes a lot of creativity. We will be celebrating from 4th april to 14th april! I'm sure this will also get me out of writer's block hehe

🌜- if you want a fluffy blurb of your choice of a character in an established relationship, chose one of the prompts below and send!

banter, playfights, and soft moments dancing in the rain tooth-rotting fluff romantic moments

🍷- if you want an angsty blurb, choose a character with a prompt from below and send!

ruining something good with truth i like you as a friend tired of being a secret hurt/comfort

🌚- if you want a blurb with the specific dynamic and trope such as below, just chose your character and send!

angry love confession sloppy love confessions first kiss hate everyone but you i hate you but also maybe care about you

🪞- send me a description of yourself (physical or not) and i'll ship you with a character!

🪄- chose a character and a trope, i'll make a moodboard for you!

💎- making a moodboard based on their aesthetic perceived by me! (mutuals only)

character list: peter parker remus lupin james potter sirius black regulus black aaron warner leon kennedy steve harrington

keep in mind that i do not write smut

some mutual tags: @parkerpeter24 @starsval @ch-4-eri @tulipsbymybed @sarahs-secrets2 @reve-writes @webslingingslasher @spiderfunkz @comatosebunny09 @ttulipwritezz @hollandweather @franzkafkagf @in-the-sweet-november-rain @luannemar

credits and thanks to @dumplingsjinson for prompts, and to @saradika for dividers

#(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*⁠。#1k celebration #ayla's 1k celebration #james potter #remus lupin #sirius black #regulus black #peter parker #aaron warner #leon kennedy #steve harrington

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namusthetic · 3 months

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Marauders' Era

The Slytherin Skittles

From the Marauders' Era fandom. Decided to lounge about in the Slytherin common room? Join the Skittles for a late night Slytherin chat.

Regulus A. Black

"From far away I wish I'd stayed with you, but here face to face, a stranger that I once knew.

I thought if I wandered I'd fall back in love. You said distance brings fondness, but guess not with us."

- Astronomy, Conan Gray

Doesn't ask for help

Overachiever

Covers his deep insecurities with a god-complex

Abandonment and trust issues

Suffers panic and anxiety attacks, the others know exactly what to do when it happens and huddle around him, holding hands and grounding him, until he starts breathing normally again and stops shaking

Protective of his chosen family

Instead of fighting to keep people in his life, he lets them go because in the end he thinks he's never enough to stay for

Hates loud noises and making noise when moving or walking

Deeply misunderstood

Tries to remain detached and cold as much as possible because knows he'd end up caring too deeply

Self-isolates when he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings, luckily, whenever that happens, the others storm his usual hiding spots and force him to go outside and enjoy himself

Escapes from his own thoughts by reading or listening to music compulsively

Barty Crouch Jr.

"I used to like liquor to get me inspired but you look so beautiful, my new supplier. I used to like smoking to stop all the thinking, but I found a different buzz.

The world is a curse, it'll kill if you let it I know they got pills that can help you forget it, they bottle it, call it medicine, but I don't need drugs. 'Cause I'm already high enough, you got me, you got me good."

- High Enough by K. Flay

covers his need for attention and approval with loudness and chaos

Fear of missing out

Afraid that people will forget about him and leave him behind

Avoids talking and thinking about his own feelings

Cannot control his emotions when overwhelmed

Hides it when deeply hurt

Clingy drunk, cries if left by himself

Has a soft spot for pets, especially dogs (once he even accidentally cuddled Padfoot without knowing it was actually Sirius)

Hopeless romantic when in a serious relationship

Incredibly intelligent, he just doesn't want to please his father in any way so he acts out

Jokes about his trauma in public, but ends up sleeping in Evan's bed whenever he has nightmares

ADHD kid

Makes dirty jokes all the time but is afraid of having a stable relationship and not being enough for his partner

Evan Rosier

"And hey, you, don't you think it's kinda cute that I (I) died (died) right inside your arms tonight? That I'm fine even after I have died? Because it was in your arms I died.

I cry in the afterlife, I cry hard because I have died, and you're alive. I try to escape afterlife, I try hard to get back inside your arms alive."

- Arms Tonite by Mother Mother

Calm and collected most of the time

Silent anger

Insomniac, spends the nights reading and listening to chill music

Deadly afraid of spiders, always asks Pandora to take them outside

Energy drinks and caffeine

If looks could kill

Tries to keep everyone from getting in trouble together with Dorcas

Doesn't pay attention in class but gets good grades anyway

Grew up too quickly

Joins Barty and Dorcas whenever they are tipsy and start a singing contest

Likes nights out with friends, randomly walking with no precise destination, a few drinks in hand and the warmth of chosen family around him

The observant, silent one

Always carries small perfume vials since he can't stand smells (sweat, cigarette smoke, etc.)

Pandora Rosier

"You don't have to be like everybody else, you don't have to fit into the norm, you are not here to conform. I am here to take a look inside myself, recognize that I could be the eye, the eye of the storm.

I am not my body, not my mind or my brain (ha), not my thoughts or feelings, I am not my DNA. I am the observer, I'm a witness of life, I live in the space between the stars and the sky."

- Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land by MARINA

Already figured who was going to end up in a relationship with whom years before it happened

Has a private gardening spot where she grows their own plants (especially herbs)

Follows the lunar calendar instead of the solar one, they all celebrate both new years with big parties

Wears long airy dresses with flower patterns and a dozen crystal necklaces and rings

Talks enthusiastically about everything she's passionate about with no restraints (and everyone loves listening to her talk)

Knows weird knowledge nobody knows from where

Walks Hogwarts' halls singing and with a spring in her step

Spends afternoons in the forest sketching fantastic beasts and feeding them treats

Loves making flower crowns, Regulus wears them whenever she makes one for him and hexes anyone who dares say something about it

Always has paint on her hands or face

Dorcas Meadowes

"Say my name, as every colour illuminates. We are shining, and we will never be afraid again.

And when we come for you, we'll be dressed up all in blue, with the ocean in our arms, kiss your eyes and kiss your palms.

And when it's time to pray, we'll be dressed up all in grey, with metal on our tongues, and silver in our lungs."

- Spectrum (Say My Name) by Florence and The Machine

Hates small talk and superficial friendships

Direct, immediately cuts straight to the point

Politically active against all kinds of discrimination and violence

Strong and determined to achieve what she wants

Ready to argue with anyone, anytime, anywhere

Knows exactly what she wants

Stays up late to read and listen to music in the common room

Has everything planned out

Neon lights and cocktails, loud music and cherry flavored lip balm

Travels a lot but is ready to return home immediately if one of her close friends needs her help

Elegant style, always impeccably dressed

Storms out of the dorm and takes a long walk whenever she feels she can't control her anger

Loves to listen to true crime podcasts

------------------------💚🐍

So I love the Marauders' gang, but (I don't know if you guessed it) I really have a soft spot for the Skittles. To me they feel like the ones who never really even had a chance to be saved, who were left to fend for themselves and to die just because of their families and house. They were damaged as much as the others but found no one to help them but each other.

#aestethic #slytherin skittles #regulus black #the marauders era #moodboard #character aesthetics #types of people #tag yourself #tag your aesthetic #slytherin #dorcas meadowes #barty crouch jr #evan rosier #pandora rosier #pandora lovegood #song lyrics #rosekiller

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v8mpco · 2 years

Text

dating regulus a. black.

a set of headcannons about dating regulus black during your guys' time at hogwarts! it's pretty long and the hcs are very detailed!! no content warnings, all shits and giggles! reader is gn, no pronouns mentioned.

_ when you both first started dating, he was terrified to touch you, let alone hug you. it took a total of three weeks and a lot of easing that regulus was finally able to give you a rather awkward, but comfortingly warm hug. (yes. regulus arcturus black may be always cold, but gives the warmest hugs. i stand by this.)

_ forehead kisses. forehead kisses. FOREHEAD KISSES!!! touch starved, yet physical touch and acts of service are his ways of expressing wordless love when his poetic, eloquent mind is not able to fathom something to tell you. nervous wreck when he gives you these, you can feel him shaking against your forehead, so sometimes, you hold his hand tightly to calm him down

_ so. utterly. loyal. girls, boys, nonbinarys, genderfluids, everybody loves regulus black, you know, everyone knows it, except him of course. because of this, whenever he receives confessions, he becomes flustered and always responds with i currently have a partner... i apologize. it's so adorable, please. he loves you so much, please don't ever do those cheating pranks on him or he'll cry (real shit)

_ searches for you during quidditch matches. he's not too obvious about it, yet people (& yourself) can tell his eyes are sweeping through the crowd, soon enough, charcoal orbs lock with your own and you both are stuck in this love-filled staring contest of some sorts until the whistle rings. the way his dark eyes fill with love whenever he sees you is absolutely enamoring

_ you rant a lot (a/n: i do a lot so this one is kinda personal <3), but regulus doesn't mind, in fact, he loves it so much. as you ramble on, he stares at you with so much love and adoration, everyone can see it. it's obvious despite how much he'll deny it

_ you and regulus vs james and lily. it's bound to happen. who's the best hogwarts couple? plot twist, it's sirius and remus

_ while regulus is accepting towards all blood statuses and in all honesty, thinks house elves are better than humans, i think you would be a pureblood because that's what he's most comfortable with and his family would be a lot more accepting towards it, bonus points if you're from the sacred twenty eight & in slytherin!

_ walburga hate channel, but she absolutely adores you. she often sends you care packages and spoils you like the child she's never had. orion is indifferent towards you, but you and regulus can feel his approval

_ sends you the most poetic letters you'll ever lay your eyes on! you can tell he's poured his soul into it, he does it often. whether it's during class, holiday, or just as a general habit, regulus sometimes will leave you small poems in your books to help you through the day, they serve as his version of reminders to do tasks like drink water or turn in your potions essay

_ dances with you in the rain or under the moonlight, it's a given. he also enjoys teaching you about astronomy and constellations, especially because it's apart of his family's legacy. he's secretly planned out names for your future children because you're stuck with him for life

_ he's not the best with emotions, especially as he has a hard time expressing them himself as he was raised to repress them, so if he's having a hard time, he'll come to you and you only! he likes to climb into bed with you or sit by the fire and listen to you read, it's a comfort thing really

_ he's so in love with you, treat him well, love him back forever. he's more into long lasting relationships so once again, love him forever! regulus black is a lover boy honestly

_ lovers rock by tv girl & lover boy by queen are your theme songs!

#regulus x reader #regulus black #regulus headcanon #regulus black fluff #regulus black x y/n

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moonlightdancer26 · 1 year

Note

Hello There.

this is kinda weird and meta and i cannot tell if it’s written coherently so plz just hear me out

so yk how J*R admitted that, when she was writing OOTP at the same time as the first movie was being made, she made a lot of the changes/revelations we see for severus’ character bc she liked alan rickman’s portrayal so much? her only valid opinion

prior to that it is much easier to see the relationship between james/the marauders and severus as ‘slytherin vs gryffindor antagonistic’

(the prank (PoA) is imo played off more as ‘sirius was in the wrong by organising it, james did better by following severus and getting him out of there’ without input from OOTP)

anyway, this is all to say that pre-OOTP james and post-OOTP james feel like very different characters, bc one is very much good-guy-in-the-making and the other is the worst of the worst, and i think it can be brought back to J*R’s inability to write interesting slyth vs gryff rivalries without resorting to bullying and harassment from one party (the way she writes slytherins makes me want to smash my head against walls)

what do you think? bc this is coming from a kinda biased marauders stan, pro-james perspective, even though i dont hate young!sev in the slightest

i feel like a lot of my issues with this whole thing can be summed up by The TERF Bitch Can’t Write, And Now We Suffer Because Of It

I’ve heard of that claim before, and iirc I’ve seen a source of her saying that a long time ago, but could you tell where cause I’d love to confirm this? 😭 She had already had Snape’s arc planned out because during the earlier films Alan wanted to quit his role because playing Evil Greasy Potions Master might get him type-casted (since he’s played villains before) and he didn’t want that, so Rowling decided to tell him about the grandiose reveal in DH, which is what made him stay.

what do you think? bc this is coming from a kinda biased marauders stan, pro-james perspective, even though i dont hate young!sev in the slightest

I actually think that was the point. In the earlier books we’re led to believe that Snape had no good reason for hating Harry’s dad and only resented James (and Harry) because he was a popular, loved Gryffindor and a talented Quidditch player. It was a bit of a red herring, and in PoA when Sirius and Remus are introduced we’re told about the prank and since Harry already hates Snape, obviously loves his father, and wants to know more info about his parents because he now knows two people who were the closest of friends with them, he assumes Sirius is right and evil Sneep Snoop is wrong and was just being petty as per usual. So for the first five books the readers are like “yo James is the perfect awesome guy and Snape is the jealous bad one,” which is increased when we remember James is a Gryffindor and Severus was a Slytherin, we sort of get the same image as Harry and Draco. It’s an extremely black-and-white image, the dawning realisation that it might not be just a simple rivalry/jealously-issue is what makes SWM in the 5th book so jaw-dropping to all of us, because we actually realise that it wasn’t the whole story. “Snape was right all along” is a super scary realisation for Harry, especially since it makes him completely rethink the image of his father that’s been painted for him by basically everyone around him, everyone except the one character Harry despises most of all.

This isn’t to say JKR doesn’t make shit decisions in writing, I 100000% get what you’re saying, but I think this was deliberately written that way so it can to be a big build-up to the plot twist. (Doesn’t make it very well-written, but it was still her intention ig.) and tbh the fact that we have so many unanswered questions/concerns about the plot holes/arcs/writing/etc and have to fill it in with the most plausible assumptions really goes to show how overrated JKR’s writing is and how her series has been enriched mostly by its fandom.

Also dw you’ve gotten your point across very well, I always get concerned with my writing because I’m worried it just sounds like a pile of unorganised bullshit 💀

#severus snape #the marauders #pro snape #pro severus snape #snape #harry potter #hp #ask #asks

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cherrynott · 2 years

Text

the art of letting go; jp x sb x rl

pairing: james potter x sirius black x remus lupin

synopse: James always wants to take care and love the others so much, that he sometimes forgets to do so with himself. thankfully, he has two amazing boyfriends to do so.

warnings: slight angst, panic attacks, self hate kinda, poly relationship, maybe peter redemption, hurt/comfort, too many italics

word count: 4k

a/n: long time no see :) literally love the idea of these three together. i’ve only read things where james is the one putting sirius and remus back together, so why not change that? also, if you don’t like, don’t read.

James always felt a necessity to care. To give. To love.

He had been this way since a little boy; always making sure his mum, Euphemia, and his dad, Fleamont, were alright, and helping with everything he could.

This need only grew when he went to Hogwarts and met his friends, Peter, Sirius and Remus. Lily, Marlene, Dorcas. Even people he didn't know that well, from other houses.

James always wanted to take care and love the others so much, that he sometimes forgot to do so with himself.

James had been feeling blue for a few weeks. Not that it mattered, his problems were nothing compared to the others.

When Peter felt insecure about his body, James was there to tell him he was awesome, and that not everyone could have the same, intitulated perfect, body shape. He even got Peter going out with a pretty Hufflepuff in the meantime. None of the Marauders have been seeing much of Peter lately.

When Sirius was enraged and frustrated with another less than caring letter from Walburga Black, James was there to make him smile again and go to the Honeydukes with him, just to cheer him up. James was there to hug him and tell him that he loved Sirius, and that he would always have him. Sirius never would stop grinning for the next few days when James was like this; always by his side, or on his lap, hugging him constantly.

When Remus was feeling closed off from the world, mind travelling back to dreadful bright moon nights, James would hold his Moony, would lull him to sleep and try to do his homework. James would fold his socks. James would convince the House Elfs to make Remus' favourite chocolate cake, and he, Sirius and Remus would stay up together, sharing cuddles and hugs (and kisses).

So, yeah. James really should pull himself together because he didn't have the right to feel sad. To want to cry. To want someone to hold him instead. He had lovely parents, he was a star player in his quidditch team, girls and guys threw themselves at him left and right, and he had the bestest friends and boyfriends anyone could ask for. He had the perfect life, he always heard.

"Honestly, James, you're just so amazing. I don't know what I would've done without you. You're just so perfect, your life's perfect," Peter once commented. "And you're really smart, which is also cool and-"

James then tuned him out. Peter was lately spending less time with James, Sirius and Remus. James logically knew why; he had a girlfriend, he had made new friends, he wanted to give the rest of the Marauders space for their relationship. He had even started to sleep in Longbottom's dorm, which had a free bed, and the two of them had become the greatest of friends. Logically, James knew this.

But, at the same time, he couldn't help but feel like he made something to draw Peter away. Like James failed. When, in reality, Peter would always be grateful to James to pull him out of his shell, and find the relationships that he was longing for. He had a beautiful, kind girlfriend. He had other friends. He felt at home with the Marauders. The bitterness that sometimes Peter would feel disappeared completely. Peter would always be grateful for having a friend like James.

James just didn't understand this. And for that he would always disagree with Peter- James really wasn’t amazing.

At first, he could fake it. The sadness and the growing despair inside him. He would smile, he would joke, he would be confident. Even Padfoot and Moony, the ones that knew him the most, the ones that he loved the most, didn't really notice something at first. And why would they? Even James didn't know what was wrong. If he ignores it, it will go away, he's sure.

However, slowly, Sirius and Remus realised that something was wrong. They just didn't know how truly wrong it was.

The first time it was after a Quidditch game against Hufflepuff. They had lost, and it was thanks to James. At least he thought it was. He couldn't get one goal right, and their point disadvantage was so big, that even after the red seeker catched the golden snitch, it wasn't enough to win.

Remus thought it was just a bad game, even though he did find it odd. He couldn't see James' face from the standards, so he would have to wait until he could hug both of his boyfriends to give his signature comforting smile and say 'Don't worry, next time it will be better'.

He had been waiting outside of the Griffindor's locker rooms, where the team would shower after the games, for about 15 minutes now.

The door opened and Remus turned his head towards it's way, expecting to find a wet haired Sirius with his arm around a pouting James. Instead, he only found a frowning Sirius, and no James.

"Where's Prongs?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow and opening his arms for Sirius. Being the tallest one with 6'3, Remus leaned his head on Sirius's, kissing his hair. Sirius, not very much behind on the height department being only 2 inches shorter, nuzzled his nose on Remus' chin.

"Something's not okay, Moony," Sirius closed his eyes, frown deepening.

"Watchu' mean?" Remus said, still looking towards the door to see his other love.

"Prongs. James. His eyes... he was really sad."

"Well, I mean, it wasn't the best game, I know, but-"

Sirius pulled back slightly, mouth still frowning and eyes swimming with worry. "It's not that, Moons. He was just... I don't know, you'll understand when you see him, but he just kept his eyes down the entire time, said to the team that he was sorry for disappointing us, and went to the shower. He's still in there. He told me to come get you and for us to go get dinner and that he would meet us in the dorm. Something's not okay, Remus."

It was now Remus' turn to frown. This wasn't like James. After a bad game, James would get out of that locker room, his hair wet and messy, glasses crooked, and his arms crossed, all while pouting like a child. He then would come into Remus arms, and ask demand him to carry him towards the dorm, not carrying who saw them. Sirius would be close behind, talking exasperatedly and dramatically about the game to Remus and James would sulk and hide his face on Moony's neck, while his legs would wrap around his waist. Being the smallest of the three at 5'10, this really wasn't a problem for Remus.

But this didn't happen. Sirius and Remus shared a worried look but went to the Kitchens, hand in hand, to go get dinner and bring it to their dorm. They asked for an extra treacle tart for their bespectacled boy.

And when James finally got there, almost half an hour later, with his eyes lost and a tired smile, neither said anything. They only held him and kissed him throughout the night.

The second time it happened was during Transfiguration. It was known that James Potter was quite good at it, and it never failed to make Minnie very proud (insert a rolling of eyes and a reluctant smile by the elder professor).

They were being given back their papers, the ones they did the previous week. McGonagall said that she was proud of the class, that they all did good. When it got to James' turn, she gave him the smallest smile, and continued to give their papers away. A big, bold red 'A' was written on the corner of the page. Acceptable.

Huh, James thought. Okay then. He usually got an O, as he always did outstandingly well in these, but apparently he really wasn't that good.

"Hey, Potter, how did you do? An 'O' again?" Lily Evans exclaimed from a few seats at the front, turning around and flashing her daring but nice smile. They had studied together for this paper. James noticed the 'O' on her paper.

Students were talking excitedly to one another, eager to show their good grades. James looked at her and smiled weakly at her, but to others it seemed more of a bashful smile. "Not this time Evans, got an 'A'."

He noticed the noise lower slightly, his friends glancing his way with a curious look. Lily was surprised, but tried to hide it by shrugging it off while saying something akin to "Oh, that's also alright then". James knew she didn't mean it, but it sounded a little condescending, like when you're talking to a small child. He looked down at his red 'A' again.

He was a good friend. He was good at Quidditch. He was bright at Transfiguration. At least he thought so. As the days passed, James was starting to doubt it.

He missed the look Sirius and Remus gave him from each of his sides. He didn’t really notice the arm Sirius wrapped around his waist or the hand that Remus was now stroking. James could only hear the blood rushing through his ears, and he lost himself in his own head. He almost didn’t catch the dismissal from McGonagall. He unwrapped himself from his boyfriends hold and rushed out of the classroom, his paper grasped tightly in his hands. His ears were ringing, he didn't hear the calls of his name; McGonagall wanted to talk to him, having noticed his growing silence in her classes. Lily wanted to apologise, for having come off as rude, when she saw the glare Sirius sent her way. Peter wanted to show James his 'E', excited for his good grade. Dorcas and Marlene wanted to go on a walk, to tell him the newest gossip. Sirius and Remus just wanted their Prongs back, but he didn't hear them at all.

"I am scared, Rem," Sirius quietly admitted that night.

"I know, Pads. Me too," he whispered, still running his fingers through James' raven hair.

It was almost midnight. Peter was spending the night with his girlfriend, and while Sirius and Remus loved Peter, they were quite happy for the privacy. Especially now.

James was on top of Remus, head resting on his chest. His back was towards Sirius, who wrapped his arms around James torso, cuddling into Remus' side. They had only found James hours after the Transfiguration incident, hidden under his Invisibility Cloak on his bed (even though it was their bed, transfigured into a bigger king size, so the three of them could sleep comfortably together).

"I don't know what's wrong. He won't talk to me. To us. I just want our James back, Remus," Sirius continued, voice quivering from the lump in his throat. His eyes were suspiciously watery.

"I know, love, I know," Remus sighed tiredly, kissing Sirius on the lips and pressing a long kiss on the top of James' head.

Neither said anything when a lonely tear escaped James' eye.

Christmas was approaching now. Classes were ending today, and most of the students were happy to go back home and see their family.

It was breakfast, and James was sitting next to Remus, Sirius across them along with Peter and Frank. James was munching on his toast quietly, head leaning on Remus' shoulder, while Remus wrapped his arm around James' waist.

It was obvious to everyone now that James Potter was not okay. But one look at Sirius and Remus' faces and their opinions and thoughts would be immediately shut down.

The boys were talking with Lily, Marlene and Dorcas when an owl came in and dropped a letter on James' lap. James cleaned his hand with his napkin and opened a letter that was clearly from his parents. He couldn't wait to go home. That was probably all he needed, to go home for a few days, and when he came back he would be completely normal again. At least, what was normal for James.

He knew that his boyfriends were worried, if the constant affection and reassuring "I love you"'s were anything to go by. He loved them so much it hurt him, and he hated himself for doing this to them, but he couldn't do anything about it. He didn't know how to. James didn't even know what was wrong with him, why he was sad.

James felt his heart stop at his mother's writing.

Dear,

Your grandfather Henry passed this previous night. Monty and I will travel to London, for his funeral, this afternoon. It may be better for you to stay this Christmas at Hogwarts, sweetheart, as we'll only be back by next week to sort everything out.

We're really sorry dear, We promise we'll make up to you. Say sorry to Sirius and Remus for us, our celebration will have to wait.

We love you. Merry Christmas.

Mum and Dad.

Oh. Okay then.

James heard Remus' sharp intake of breath from beside him. He knew he was reading from over his shoulder.

"Jamie-"

"S' okay, Moons," James said, slowly removing Remus' arm from around him.

"No, please wait-" Remus tried once more, reaching his arms towards his James. His James that was hurting badly and he couldn't do anything to stop it.

The slight desperation in Remus' voice startled the others; if the usual calm and collected Remus Lupin was that worried, it was definitely not good.

"I'll be right back, Rem. Don't worry."

And with that James left the Great Hall.

Hogwarts was almost empty by the end of the afternoon. The majority of the students went back home. Sirius and Remus stayed, refusing to go anywhere.

The Gryffindor Common Room was filled with Christmas decorations to the brim. The light was dim, candles flying around. The harsh rain and wind from outside filled the silence. Being the only one there, Sirius was cuddled up under a big, cozy blanket, his and his boyfriends favourite, on his favourite sofa, looking longingly at the fireplace. He was waiting for James to return from wherever he went to hide. Remus was finishing his shower back in the dorm.

It had been a while since Sirius was happy, as he couldn't when one of his favourite two persons wasn't. The quidditch game, the one where all of this started, had been today three weeks ago. The full moon was a week after that. It has been a difficult month in general.

No matter how much he thought, Sirius didn't know what was wrong with James. He had always been proud of himself when it came too reading Remus and James. He knew them like the palm of his hand, they were his soulmates. It made him anxious not knowing what was wrong with one of them.

The sound of a portrait opening shook him out of his thoughts, and Sirius snapped his head in the sound's direction.

There, looking completely exhausted, was standing James Potter. His eyes were red, as if he'd been crying non-stop for hours. His breathing was loud, and Sirius was sure his lover's heart was beating way too fast.

Sirius Black was completely terrified because, as he'd come to realise, James Potter was reaching his breaking point. James opened his mouth and Sirius held his breath.

"Where's Remmy?" He asked quietly. So quietly that Sirius only heard him because they were the only ones there. Because the only thing that could be heard was the distant sound of rain and ravished breaths. Remus by now must have finished his shower. He must have, Sirius thought.

"He's just finished showering, Prongsie," Sirius's voice trembled slightly. He was sure that still, James didn't notice.

"Oh," his voice was soft, resembling the one of a small, innocent child, "Okay."

James looked out of the window, eyeing the rain. His mind was slipping, James realised. James felt small and sad and desperate and so tired. He wanted to count the tiny drops of rain that were painting the dark sky. He wanted to scream. He wanted Sirius and Remus. His ears were ringing again and James would've laughed at the thought if he could. They have been doing that quite much lately.

"I'm sorry-" James' voice broke. "I'm so so sorry, Siri.

And James finally let go.

Sirius saw James fall to his knees, Sirius saw James crying. The crying became almost immediately heart wrecking sobs.

Sirius jumped, and ran the fastest he ever had towards James. "Oh, my love," Sirius cried and pulled James into his arms. James gasped and pressed himself hard into Sirius body, as if trying to get out of his own and mold with him. Sirius was also crying in pain, as he could now see all of the despair James was in, but also in relief because he knew that this was necessary. James needed to break so he could heal. He needed to let go, and Sirius and Remus would be there to help pick up the pieces. It really was what he needed, what they all needed.

"Sirius," James called, body trembling, crying hysterically.

"I'm here, James, I'm here."

Sirius couldn’t really register his voice yelling for Remus. He picked James up, and walked the fastest he could to their dorm.

When he got there, Sirius threw the door open with one hand, the other still carrying James, who had legs wrapped tightly around the others waist, arms around his neck, hands mindlessly pulling at his hair, eyes tightly shut as the pain consumed him. James' sobs wouldn't subside, and his voice would be calling for either Sirius or Remus, saying that he was sorry and that he needed them and that he couldn't and that he was sorry again.

"Remus!" Sirius frantically called. "Remus, Remus!"

Remus rushed out of the bathroom shirtless, only having time to pull up his grey sweatpants. The sight in front of him would forever be the most heartbreaking thing in his life. Sirius with his eyes wide and hair completely messy, with tears running down on his face. His expression was of pain and fear. In his arms was a desperate James that sobbed and called for him, clinging to Sirius as if he needed him to survive. It was probably true anyway.

"Remmy, please, I'm sorry-" James continued, stuck in his own mind.

"I'm here baby, I'm here," Remus immediately rushed towards him, taking James into his arms to give Sirius some rest, and cupping his swolen, wet, red face with one hand. "You're okay now, Jamesie, we're here and we're not going anywhere. I love you."

Remus went to their bed, holding James tightly. He leaned his back on the headboard, keeping James on his lap. Sirius went to the bathroom and he came back with a soft towel, tissues and a glass of water. He put all of the items on the little table besides their bed and pressed himself into Remus' side, who let go of his arm to wrap around the balck haired boy. Sirius pressed his face into the back of James' neck, kissing and murmuring words of love into it. He felt James' frantic heartbeat start to slow down after a few moments that seemed too long and Sirius released a sighed of relief. Remus, who was previously nuzzling his nose on James' head, threw his head back, leaning it on the headboard as well, looking tired.

No one said anything for a few moments. The boys were waiting patiently for James to get out of his head, to collect his thoughts, to calm down. Sirius laced his fingers with Remus', who squeezed his hand.

"It-it started at the beginning of-of November more or less," James started, stuttering and fumbling over his words. Sirius put his arm around James' belly, and stroked the exposed skin, as his hoodie had rolled up. "I just- started to feel over, overwhelmed at taking care of everyone, and I felt sad. But, but I thought it wasn't important compared to all of the-the shit you two and the others have to face sometimes. So I just ignored it and, and kind of suppressed it." James furred his eyebrows, trying to concentrate, but the trembling of his voice didn't seem to want to stop.

"Shh, it's alright, baby, don't worry. Take your time," Remus quietly, but lovingly, reassured.

James nodded, cuddling more into Remus' warmth and grabbing the hand Sirius had on his stomach. " And it just- and it just kept getting worse. I just kept feeling more sad , and I was just so afraid of hurting and disappointing you..." He trailed off, lonely teats still running through his face. "I guess I just stopped caring about me, to the point where I didn't know what to do." James' voice broke and his lovers held on tighter to him.

He paused for a few seconds before he continued. "And when I went back to the Common Room, and saw Pads all cuddled up with our blanket... and, and he was frowning and his eyes were sad- I couldn't help but blame myself and feel like I disappointed you, and all of what I was trying to hold together these past few weeks just- just snapped."

"Oh, love, " Sirius sighed, stroking his thumb over the hand he was holding. Sirius then sat up straight, turned James back to Remus' front, and moved so he was right in front of the other two. He then grabbed James' face with both of his hands, while Remus wrapped his arms around James' waist and rested his face on James' shoulder. "I want you to get this through inside that thick head of yours, alright?" Sirius quietly demanded. "You should never ever feel like you don't matter, okay? Your feelings are just as important as Moony's and mine. You shouldn't feel like you don't matter, my love, because you do."

Remus lovingly kissed James' neck. "Padfoot's right, Jamie. And you could never disappoint us, baby, we love you so much."

James nodded softly, trying to get their words inside. Yeah. He can do that. He teared his eyes from Sirius' handsome face and looked down. Wow. I am such a fool.

"James." Remus murmured, noticing his boyfriend getting lost in his mind again. He continued to press small kisses to the raven haired boy. First his neck, then behind his ear. His jaw, his cheek, his temple and his hair. Just letting him know that he would always take care of his boy. Remus and Sirius would show James forever that he matters. That he is loved, that he is bewitching, smart and beautiful. Never again, Remus repeated in his mind.

Sirius lifted James' head once again and stroked his cheek adoringly. His hazel eyes were slightly dazed as he looked at Sirius. James gave him the littlest and sweetest smile. He looks so small, Sirius' mind echoed. And so precious. His boyfriend was absolutely adorable like this. In Remus' lap the size difference stood out; his hair was a mess and his glasses were crooked. His eyes were reddened and occasional sniffles were heard. His oversized black hoodie made the scene all the more cute. Not resisting, Sirius kissed James deeply and delicately, still stroking his face. Remus sighed contentedly and continued to press small kisses to whatever skin came across.

They stayed like that for a while. Throwing meaningful words of love and touches of affection. It was not until James finally slumped against them, with closed eyes and slow breaths, that Remus and Sirius pulled back and layed down, pressing James between them before all of them went to rest.

Sirius kissed Remus forehead and Remus kissed Sirius lips. Both of them pressed many tiny kisses into James' head, watching a peaceful smile appear. And it was then that it was clear:

James would always be okay, with his Remus and his Sirius, as long as he learned to just let go.

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