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#but the past few years I’ve tried to celebrate it more
alotofpockets · 11 hours
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Take on the world | Vivianne Miedema x Arsenal!Reader
Where there are a lot of emotions around your girlfriend leaving Arsenal
Woso masterlist | Words: 1.4k
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The past week had been emotional, to say the least. Vivianne would leave Arsenal after seven years. You had played there with her all seven of those years, starting as friends and ending your time there together as girlfriends. Arsenal was your family, it was Viv’s family too. Players come and go in football of course, but this one hurt a little more than usual.
Vivianne was devastated, but she had no say in the matter. You tried offering comfort as best as you could, even taking a weekend trip to get away from it all before she would play her final game for Arsenal.
With her recurring injuries lately, you were glad she felt good enough to put on the Arsenal jersey one more time and play at the final match of the season. Her final match at Arsenal, and as if it was written in the stars, she scored from your assist with her first touch. The whole team had run down to join you in your celebration, making the moment even more special.
When the final whistle blew you went straight to Viv, normally you'd shake hands with your opponents first, but today you knew that your girlfriend needed you. The moment you wrap your arms around her, the world around you disappears. When you parted from the hug, your teammates stood lined up for their own hugs with Vivianne, so you stepped aside to give them their turns. 
You had been trying to stay strong for Viv, but the moment that Lotte brought you in for a hug, you couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down your cheeks. When you stepped out of your hug with Lotte, you both chuckled at your tear stained faces. She stayed close to you while your teammates each had a short moment with Viv. 
The whole Arsenal team formed two lines to give the players that were leaving a proper farewell. Kaylan and Sabrina were up first, you clapped along with the rest of your teammates when they walked between your lines. 
When Viv got ready to walk down the path, you couldn’t keep dry again. You watched Viv walk past with nothing but pride for the amazing footballer and person that she was, again clapping along with the rest of the team. Lotte and Steph, who were standing next to you, comforted you while Viv was being interviewed. 
You stayed by Viv’s on her final lap of Emirates Stadium, thanking the crowd for their incredible support. The two of you shed many tears in that lap, and the tears didn’t stop there. In the locker room they had asked you to do a little speech for Viv, since there were more speeches to be made today. You hadn’t really prepared anything, because you could literally talk about her for hours, and you felt like in the moment it would be the most heartfelt. 
“Viv,” You look her in the eyes as you start talking, “seven years you’ve been playing for Arsenal. I was one of the lucky ones that got to play here with you from the start, and watch you grow. You’ve been an incredible asset to this team, on and off the pitch.” You wiped away the tear that was about to escape, this moment was about her and not about you. “Most importantly, you are an important part of our family here at Arsenal, and know that wherever you go next, you will always be a part of it.” 
You meet Viv in the middle and engulf her in a hug. “Once a Gooner.” you say when you part, and the rest of the team chimes in. “Always a Gooner!”
A few days had passed since that last match against Brighton, and while the situation was still top of mind, the tears had lessened. Or so you thought. When you came back from your trip to the grocery store, you found Viv crying on the couch, with Myle and Rona cuddled up to her. You place the bags on the ground, not caring to put them away first. “What’s wrong, my love?”
You scooted in with your little family, and just like the dogs, you tried to bring your girlfriend some comfort. “So, you know how I’ve been getting offers from all over?” You nod and move your fingers through her hair. “I haven’t made a choice yet, but there are also clubs outside of England, like I told you.” You nod again, letting her know you’re following what she is saying.
“Well, I’ve seen some things online about you and your previous partners breaking up after them leaving the club or country, and it made me scared that maybe you would leave me too.” 
You pull her even closer into you, “Oh baby, no I would never leave you. I was young back then- don’t say that that means I’m old now” You goke in between, getting a chuckle out of your girlfriend. ”I was young back then, and those relationships would have never worked long with distance. You and I are different, our relationship is built to last.”
Viv sits up a little, “Yeah? You’re not just saying that to make me happy?” You shake your head with a smile. “I would never tell you something concerning my feelings if I don’t mean it, love.” 
You wipe away her tears,  and place a kiss on her forehead. “Can you give me a minute, baby?” Viv nods, “Of course, the groceries, go ahead.” You stand up and shake your head, “The groceries aren’t important right now.”
Within a minute you’re back in the living room. “I think this might be the best way to show you that I mean what I said. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now, but it didn’t seem like the right time. I didn’t want to take away the focus from your return from your ACL, or the few stepbacks after, and definitely not with the latest news. This might also not be the perfect moment, but Viv, I need you to know that you are the one for me.” That’s when you pull out the small box from behind your back. 
Vivianne got teary eyed for a whole different reason this time, when she realised what you were doing. “You and me were built to last. No matter where you go next, for you I’ll take on the world.” 
You take a deep breath as the tears well up in your eyes as well. The smile on Viv’s face as you get down on one knee will be one you will forever remember. “Vivianne Miedema, will you marry me?”
She nods eagerly, “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you!” Viv jumps into your arms. The dogs jump around you too, wanting to join in on the excitement. For the first time in weeks, both your tears are from happiness. You kiss your fiancée for the first time. Then finally after months of owning the ring, you finally got to put it on her finger. 
Viv made you clean up the groceries before you sat back down on the couch again, but after you did, you cuddled on the couch and admired the ring together. “So, hypothetically what would we do if I went to Barça?” You squeeze her hand. “Then I’ll get some nice vacations in the sun whenever I come to visit you.” She chuckles, loving the way you were alway able to ease her worries with humour. 
“And what if I would go for Manchester City?” You think for a second, “Then we will find a place in between London and Manchester, and I will wish you all the best in the WSL, unless you play against me.” She playfully shoves your shoulder when you say the last part with a smirk. 
Then she turns serious again, “No matter what I choose, we will be okay?” You nod with a reassuring smile, “Yes. You go make the decision for you, and we will be okay no matter what.”
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flightlessangelwings · 6 months
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It’s my birthday
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espinosaurusrexex · 2 months
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Remember Me
WinterSoldier!BuckyBarnes x Female!Reader
summary: After a fight against the most notorious Hydra agent of all, Steve and you discover that your assumed diseased friend Bucky is still alive. Old wounds resurface as you are confronted with the grappling reality that you have lived vastly different lives for the past 70 years. Will he remember your shared history? And most importantly: does he still feel the same?
word count: 3.1k
a/n: Just a short piece that I managed to finish. I know it's not a lot, but I hope you enjoy anyway 💕
warnings: a bunch of fluff and angst, mentions of war, mentions of sexism, swearing, Bucky is really broken in this one, happy ending (:
・゚✫* 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 。✭・゚
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“Proceed with caution, unidentified shooter on bridge. I repeat: unidentified shooter. It is not clear what the motive is. Take cover and shoot on sight.”
“Dispatch, this is Captain America - we’ll take it from here.”
“With all due respect, Cap, I will keep my men on site to keep your cover.”
“I appreciate it.”
“Least I can do for you, sir.”
“Stop chatting it up with the police and do your job, Rogers.”
“Alright, alright.”
You chuckled and turned to Tony. “How long are we out?”
“Three minutes, 46 seconds.” 
“You gonna survive that long, Stevie?”
“That guy’s got a good aim on him, gotta give him that.”
Muffled noises pushed through your earpiece before you stepped into the back of the Quinjet to gear up. 
“Can’t let him do anything. It’s one guy they’re fighting... one.”
“Yeah, one Hydra-trained assassin who’s apparently immortal and got more deaths on his record than Romanoff.”
You huffed as the meeting recollected in your mind. The Winter Soldier had been the newest pain in the Avenger’s asses ever since you discovered that Hydra was still operating in the shadows of S.H.I.E.L.D. 
“They’re just making a show out of everything, huh?” 
You strapped your gloves over your wrists and watched as Tony chuckled in the pilot seat. You and him had become good friends over the past few years. Ever since you and Steve had been discovered in the frozen airship of what you had thought to be your last mission about 70 years ago, you and Captain America had woken up in a vastly different world. One through which Howard’s son, Tony, gladly guided you. 
Both you and Steve were overwhelmed by the amount of changes the world had endured while you had soundly served your time as human popsicles, though Captain America seemed to struggle a little more with 21st-century technology and norms. 
It was fine, Steve had always been a little old-fashioned, even back in the day. You for one were delighted to learn about all the opportunities the world had to offer for women and other people who couldn’t have dreamed of any in the 40s. Because while Steve was celebrated for being the face of hope for the American people, you were still dodging snide comments doubting your place in the Army. And while you tried not to let anyone see the toll it took on you, it was the reason for enough nights you spent with Peggy sharing stories over a bottle of wine. 
You both decided the important men in your life should never find out. Though, of course, your not-so-secret didn’t stay hidden from Bucky for long. Which was one of the reasons you had jumped on that plane with Steve. Even when Bucky was already dead. Even when Steve was still oblivious. You constantly needed to prove yourself. But this one time, it had actually changed something – well, time had. 
You shook your head free of that thought and walked towards the cargo hatch. Tony had landed the Quinjet – it was go time. 
“Ready?”
“That guy won’t know what happened to him when we’re done with him.”
“Let’s rock his world, then,” Tony winked before his helmet closed and he flew out of the jet. You were close behind him, running the short distance from the ramp to the bridge from which you swung yourself off with a grappling hook. 
“What’s the status?”
“I’ve been shot.”
“I’ve got it, Bearcat check on Steve. He looks ridiculously helpless.”
“Roger that,” you sprinted towards the two fighting men on the street, as the Winter soldier threw Steve to the ground, his shield nowhere to be seen. 
“Okay, my turn.” You stepped in front of him, analyzing his movements, and dodging punches, trying to get some in yourself. 
“Oh come on, that’s not fair.” You huffed when he took a knife out of your leg holster and almost acrobatically threw it over your head just to graze your cheek with the blade. 
He had knocked off your guns at this point, leaving you with choking wire and some smaller daggers in your jacket. When he turned the right angle, you jumped his shoulders and locked your thighs around his neck, kicking the knife out of his hand and watching as he ripped your choking wire in half. Damn.
“Now, that’s not nice.” You threw the torn metal to the side as The winter soldier struggled to get you off him. A look to Steve told you he had a new plan, and with a short nod, you signaled your understanding to him. 
“But if you wanna be like that...” Steve threw you his shield and in a swift motion you managed to drag it over the soldier's head. He pushed his metal arm forward just in time, though your hit had already knocked the mask off his face. 
When the shield came down, you heard Steve’s footsteps halt next to you, the world going quiet. 
Your stomach churned when you watched blue eyes twitch between the dark smudges. Familiar and oh-so strange at the same time. 
“Bucky?” Steve stammered, and at the sound of his name, goosebumps rippled over your skin. 
The Winter Soldier’s look darkened before he reached for a gun. “Who the hell is Bucky?”
From then on, the day seemed like a blur. You remembered Sam knocking Bucky down and the lot of you flying back to the compound on standby. Steve was functioning a lot better than you were, considering the man you thought to be dead for over 70 years was currently handcuffed to a handrail on your jet. 
James “Bucky” fucking Barnes. Captain America’s best friend, founding member of the howling commandos, infamous war hero apparently turned assassin, and the man who stole your heart somewhere along the way. 
You dared a glance at the chained-up, unconscious brunette in the corner as Steve sat down next to you, a calming hand squeezing your shoulder. 
“Can I get you anything?”
You ignored him. “How are you not freaking out?” You whispered through glassy eyes instead. 
Steve’s expression softened when he pulled you into his chest, his other hand pressing your head further into him. His heart was hammering beneath his ribcage, his fingers cold to the touch. 
“I am. Just trying to be a captain.” His voice was strained when he mumbled into your hair. 
You just nodded in understanding, finding comfort in the fact you weren’t the only one feeling this way. 
❁ ❁ ❁
You watched him through the glass of the interrogation room with your arms crossed before your chest. Buck was sitting at the table, his head hung low, his dark hair falling in wet stands into his face. He didn’t move a muscle. For half an eternity, he stared at the table his wrists were chained to, almost statue-like. But when he finally looked up, you could see the confusion and nervousness in his ocean-blue eyes. 
They had given him time to recover, to shower, and feel like a human again. They forced him into normal clothes and offered him a bed to sleep. But it wasn’t enough. The man you were looking at was terrified and lost - exhausted and overwhelmed. 
Bucky visibly tensed when the door opened and Steve stepped into his sight. They spent the next hour reconstructing his past. Steve told him how he had ended up in the 21st century and by the end of their conversations, the tension was a lot less static.
“She’s alive,” Bucky stated and tore his eyes away from Steve to look at the one-way glass.
“She’s a tough one. Survived the crash without super soldier serum and came out of the ice just as unharmed as I did.” 
“What are the odds?” Bucky chuckled bitterly. “What are the fucking odds we all end up together again?” 
Steve only gifted his friend a sympathetic smile along with a squeeze to his shoulder. “Take it as a chance.”
“Feels like a punishment.” 
They were locking eyes and even though you were watching the interaction from the outside, you could feel the atmosphere turn somber. The men were staring at each other in silence for a while, though you knew there was an entire discussion happening in their eyes.
“Does she... does she want to see me?” Bucky’s voice was hesitant and broken. And you couldn’t help but somehow imagine a different question nestled in his words. 
You almost had to stop yourself from touching the glass with your hands, wanting to tell him that you were already seeing him - really seeing him. 
“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” Steve stood and with a last smile to Bucky, he exited the room. 
This was it. The door was open. The love of your life sitting only a few feet from it. Though it seemed like he was trapped inside another’s body. 
“I’ll give you some privacy,” Steve murmured as he stood in the doorway looking at you by the window. And you just nodded, trying to suppress your pulse rushing in your ears. 
“Thanks.” It was only a whisper. You weren’t used to your voice being this small. And Steve didn’t seem so either. He was looking at you with sad eyes, fists clenched by his sides. There was nothing he could do to make you feel better. Not this time. And he seemed to know so. With one last tight smile, he sent a short nod your way and then left. 
❁ ❁ ❁
Bucky didn’t look at you when you finally built up the courage to step inside his room. He was much bigger than you remembered. Thick muscles adorned his arms and shoulders. Shaggy, longer hair fell from his head and over his scrunched brows. His left arm was entirely of metal, a red star reminding him who had taken claim to him several decades ago. 
If you hadn’t known, the man before you had almost no resemblance to the soldier you loved in 1941. He had been lean and full of life. He was broken now. And you were terrified someone had taken the very thing from him that would keep him from becoming himself again. 
Without a word you approached Bucky, cupped his hands with yours, and undid the restraints that tied him to the table. And this was the first time he looked at you. Really looked at you. Bucky’s piercing blue stare was full of awe and sorrow, a deep pain etched beneath the grey flecks within the vibrant color. 
You sat down beside him. 
“Hey.” Your voice was shaky, dragging a long silence in its wake that only made your heart beat faster. 
“Hello,” Bucky finally whispered, breaking the spell. His voice was a raw timbre, like a long-forgotten melody. And so much more tangible now that you weren’t listening to it through a speaker. 
But that was it. Neither of you spoke afterward. 
There was so much that could have been said, so much that could have been exchanged, known, explored about the other. And yet it didn’t feel like any of the words known to you were enough to break the static tension in the room. You were just looking at Bucky, scanning every part of his body like it was a flash card for the most important test of your life. 
So, here you were: With the opportunity of a lifetime right at your fingertips and the confidence of a kicked puppy settled deep in your wounded soul. The person you had known for the longest looked so timid as if he were looking at a stranger. Not that he had ever been shy about strangers back in the day. But this was different. This was strange and beautiful, and scary, and exciting. No book in the world held the answers as to what to do in this situation. 
And the solution was so easy: you just had to say something. So why didn’t your damn mouth open?
The speaker above your heads crackled and then Tony’s voice rang through the room. And for the first time in what felt like hours, a tiny bit of the weight on your shoulders lifted with it. “Bearcat, If you don’t open your mouth and put the guy out of his misery in 5 seconds, I’ll personally mediate this incredibly static confrontation.”
You rolled your eyes and then glared at the mirror, knowing full well Tony was watching you despite your asking him to leave. You mouthed a ‘shut it’ towards the glass and then turned in shock when a familiar voice rose from the silence.”
“Bearcat?”
You stared at Bucky with soft eyes. There was an innocence in the way he slowly guided this conversation - almost like he’d always had. It was an easy question, a nice entry to the heavier stuff that was bound to be discussed. 
And just as you began to explain, it dawned on you how much you had missed about each other. How differently your life could have been if it weren’t for the cruel turn of fate.
“When Steve and I were discovered, S.H.I.E.L.D. was our home for a long time. They tried to put us in apartments, even set us up with chaperones to guide us through the new century.” Bucky looked intrigued, even leaning forth as he listened intently. You wondered if he ever realized how much time had passed when he was the winter soldier... if anyone ever cared to tell him. “But it wasn’t until I met Natasha that I felt like I had arrived. She showed me so many things and trained with me until I became an agent here. Howard’s son came up with the nickname. He reminds me of him.” You smiled and shook your head “He’s a pain in my ass but a genius that can be genuinely helpful even though I don’t want to admit it at times. I haven’t grasped the explanation fully, but apparently, my fast learning and efficiency when it came to fighting reminded him of one of those small powerful fighter jets that were finished just after the war.” You chuckled at the memory before your eyes found Becky’s again only to see pain all over his face. 
A silent tear rolled down his cheek and hit the floor before you could see it stain his skin. “I'm so sorry.” His voice was shaking, his body trying to make itself smaller but failing miserably with all the muscle surrounding it. He took up the room and your heart right along with it.
“Hey you have nothing to apologize for, you hear me.” You cradled his face and his hands instantly covered yours, only for his metal one to retract just as fast again. He was sorrowful and it made your heart ache. 
“You’ve been navigating through so much alone and this is yet another thing you had to do without me.” He confessed through his tears and squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn’t changed within - always caring for everyone around him and never putting himself first.
“I’m fine. Was then and am now.” You ensured him. “If you want to worry about someone, take Steve. He’s a lot more overwhelmed than I am.” Bucky chuckled through his tears, a deep seriousness settling in his eyes. “If anything, I’m sorry we didn’t save you sooner.”
He shook his head. “You couldn’t have known.” And there it was: a glimpse of the loving, caring, charming man you’d known so many years ago. A small smile snuck onto your face at the revelation and a spark of hope shot through your body. 
“I haven’t stopped thinking about you,” you confessed, "We never had the time to actually be just us. To live all the dreams we shared back then.” 
Bucky's eyes were full of sorrow before he closed them and pressed his forehead to yours. “I wish I could say I missed you,” he whispered and slung his arm around you, “But I didn’t remember.”
“And that’s not your fault, you hear me.” Your hand stroked over his damp hair, pulling it back and making Bucky look at you again. “None of this is your fault. Don’t you ever doubt yourself. What happened to you is horrible. And I vow to kill every single person responsible for keeping us apart for this long. But not once will anyone ever consider this your fault.”
Bucky averted his eyes and turned his head but you were quick to catch his face with your hand. “Promise me you won’t beat yourself up. Please. That’s all I ask of you. Let Steve and me handle the rest and focus on becoming comfortable in your skin again. I can’t wait to meet the man you can become.”
“You don’t want to know me, doll. Not anymore. Even if it wasn’t my fault, it changed me. I’m not the man you-“ he stopped talking as you watched regret flash over his features. “I don’t think I can give you what you deserve.”
“I don’t care what I deserve, Bucky. I want you. I always have and that won’t change because some bullies tried to brainwash you. The very fact that we are here talking like this shows how much stronger you are than them. How the good in you never wavered.”
“But I can’t even trust myself. How can I expect you to do so of me?”
You cradled his head harsher as you felt your own tears roll down your cheek. “All I need is for you to try and trust me. We’ll figure this out... like we always do.”
Bucky’s flesh hand had fallen to your thigh, a soft thumb stroking over your leg and he watched the movement in awe. You didn’t know how long it had been since he had last felt comfort but you were determined to make up for all the lost time. With the wild beating of your heart, you took his metal hand and laved your fingers with his, watching as Bucky’s eyes glued to your smaller hand in his. There was no fear of what could happen, no aversion towards the alien element attached to his body. And then, finally, he encased your hand with his silver fingers. 
Your other hand still stroked his cheek and you waited until he caught your gaze again. And once he did, you did not hesitate to slowly push your lips to his. 
Just a short, sweet kiss. One that held more words than you could ever say. And then you waited. What for? Maybe a rejection, the shake of his head, or the sheer confidence with which he used to kiss you decades back. 
Bucky’s breaths were shaky, his hands still touching you and sending softly timid comfort through your body. He held your gaze for a second... and then, he finally kissed you back. 
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wannabeschyulersister · 4 months
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where’s that man who’d throw blankets over my barbed wire?
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*another angsty carmy fic coming right up*
“Ma’am? I’m sorry but we will need the table if your guest hasn’t arrived yet,” the waiter told you. You could tell he felt embarrassed to have to practically kick you out after being stood up.
You set the nice white napkin that had been on your lap on the empty plate in front of you, “I understand. Thanks for keeping me company.”
The waiter helped you put your coat back on and you placed a nice tip on the table before walking out. It felt so humiliating to sit at that table for the past hour alone.
Carmen forgot your anniversary.
You had been perfectly fine celebrating your two year anniversary with him in your nice apartment but he was the one that wanted to go all out. He chose the fancy French restaurant and made the reservation.
He was also the one that didn’t show up.
At first, you began to panic, thinking that something had happened to him on his way to the restaurant. You must’ve texted him a dozen times. When you checked his location, you saw that he was at The Bear.
There’s no way that he would forget your anniversary. Right?
Well, he did.
You walked until you were able to find a cab. Part of you wanted to confront Carmen at The Bear but you didn’t want to make a scene. Despite how mad you were at him, you respected his place of business.
Instead of going there, you went to the apartment that you shared with Carmen to wait for him. You didn’t even bother changing out of the red dress that specifically bought for that evening when you made it home. Taking off your coat, you placed it on the hook and sat on the couch.
It was an hour later when you heard the jingle of keys and the front door open and close. “Babe? You here?”
You didn’t answer him as he walked into the living room.
He set his phone and keys down on the coffee table in front of you, “Hey, what are you all dressed up for?”
“Our anniversary dinner that was two hours ago.” You answered coldly.
Carmen froze as it dawned on him that he forgot, “Fuck. Babe, I’m so fuckin’ sorry. Things have been so hectic at the restaurant these last few days and it totally slipped my mind. My phone died a few hours ago. I’m so sorry.”
He sat down next to you and tried to grab your hand. You moved it out of his grasp. “I waited for you for an hour, Carmen. It was so embarrassing. The waiter made me leave because they needed the table. How could you forget?”
“I told you. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did today. We had three waitstaff out with the flu-“
You cut him off, “Syd could’ve taken care of things for one night so that you could go out with your girlfriend! Aren’t I important too?”
Carmen looked like that question pissed him off, “Are you seriously askin’ me that fuckin’ question?”
You stood up from the couch needing some space from him, “Yes, I am because this isn’t the first time! How many times have you had to reschedule our plans? How many days do I barely see you? We’ve been together for two years, Carmen and I feel like we are just two strangers at this point.”
“Why haven’t you said anything then if you feel that way?”
“I’ve tried to have date nights and I’ve even stopped by The Bear to see if you can go on a coffee break. You always turn me down because something more important is pressing.” You’d been dying to have this conversation with him for some time now.
After countless times of letting things go, you were blurting out everything that you’d want to tell him. It had all been weighing so heavily on you lately. You could feel it draining you.
“(Y/n), I inherited a mess from Michael. I had to look after everyone’s jobs and-“
You interrupted him again, “I’m not saying that you have to choose me or the restaurant, Carmen. That would be incredibly selfish of me. But…. it’s like you’re out building this life for yourself and I’m just here hoping that you give me an ounce of attention.”
“You’re making it sound like our relationship is horrible. I thought that we were doing good.”
That almost hurt you more than being stood up on your anniversary. He thought that things were good? He hadn’t noticed that the two of you were so incredibly distant?
“Things haven’t been good in a long time. When we first started dating, you were present and it seemed like you’d do anything to spend time with me.”
“That was before we remodeled the restaurant. I had more time but now-“
“Now, you’re too busy for me.”
He shook his head, “I’m not, (Y/n). I just had more time back then. Now, it’s all on me. I’m stressed out.”
“I don’t want to add to your stress, Carmen.”
“Wh-what are you trying to say?” He stood up and made his way closer to you. You could tell that he was anxious about where the direction of this conversation was going.
“I’m not happy. I haven’t been for a while. I’ve tried to make things better but I can’t do it alone. I deserve to be with someone who I don’t have to beg to want to be with me.”
“(Y/n), I don’t want to be without you. I’ll start coming home earlier and I’ll uh have Sydney and Marcus start taking some more responsibility. I will-“
“And in a month when things are super crazy at The Bear because of the holidays? We’re back in this situation again. What kind of promises will you make then?”
Carmen seemed confused, “Do you not want to work on things?”
“A month ago, hell even a few weeks ago, I would’ve said yes, but I’m tired, Carmen. Tonight felt like it was the last straw. Sitting alone, you not answering your phone, it was embarrassing and so painful. I love you so much. But I think for the both of us, it’ll be better if we weren’t together.”
“I don’t want us to break up, (Y/n). I love you.” Carmen said softly.
You pulled him closer. He rested his head against your shoulder, “We can both focus on ourselves. I’m so proud of everything that you’ve done. You deserve all of the praise that is coming your way.”
You wanted to appear strong but on the inside you were breaking as well. There was a point in time where you imagined spending the rest of your life with Carmen Berzatto.
Now, there was a strong possibility that he wouldn’t be in your future. Were you making the right decision?
It might’ve felt like you weren’t in the moment. You just wanted to feel wanted and happy and with someone who couldn’t get enough of you. Carmen was that man at first. Things changed for the better and for the worse.
“I hate that I took you for granted. I will regret it for the rest of my life.” You felt him kiss your neck softly.
“I’ll still be here if you need me. You know that right?”
He nodded as you both stood there wrapped around each other saying your goodbyes without words.
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wi11owbird · 6 months
Text
a little psa about Christmas and Chanukah because it’s that time of year again
People who celebrate Christmas: this is for you. It’s not an attack, nor is it saying that Christmas is bad or that you shouldn’t celebrate it! It’s just a few notes by a tired Jew on how you can change your language and behavior to make the Christmas season even though Christmas is still over a month out a little less exhausting for the Jews in your life.
The holiday season: Calling this “the holiday season” and using other related terms bothers me to no end. Imo it’s not actually better if you sprinkle in a menorah or two. It doesn’t matter that much what you call it or what religious iconography you include, we know it’s a Christmas party; even if you include other holidays, it’s just because they fall near Christmas and therefore must be important. Please, just call it a Christmas party. There’s nothing wrong with a Christmas party!! Go for it!! Have fun, I mean it!! Just don’t pretend it’s something that it isn’t, because that doesn’t make me, at least, nor other Jews I’ve spoken with, feel much more included. It just confirms that you fundamentally do not understand what it’s like to live as a non-Christian in a Christian society, and you’re more interested in appearing as if you do than actually making an effort to.
Chanukah misconceptions: Chanukah is not about peace and love and family. You’re just copy-pasting Christmas themes. The only thematic overlaps are a) hope and miracles, and b) bringing light to a physically dark time of year. Chanukah isn’t Christmas. It’s hopeful and positive, yes, but it’s also yet another reminder of the cycles of trauma in our history. It’s about yet another time they tried to kill us and yet another time they failed. It’s about resilience and resistance and an uncrushable spirit. It’s about the impossible victory of the underdog. It’s also not even that big of a deal in Judaism. In fact, it’s one of the most minor Jewish holidays. People only think it’s important because they associate it with Christmas. Come back for the High Holidays or even Pesach, those are the real deal.
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miloformula123fan · 3 months
Note
Could you do fic for Toto Wolff with wife reader? He opted to hold her hand during the celebration of the Merc's double podium because there were too many people. "Move through the crowd while holding hands so as to not lose one another – and not letting go afterwards". Just something fluff and comfort. Add something if it's not right. Tag me later!! Thanks :)))
sorry it's so short! but I loved writing this fluff, and honestly churned it out in like 1 hour.
also if you have older requests i am working on them, I am just also working on school work.
luckily, all my assessments are nearly done, and holidays are next week so yay! more updates :)
Please keep requesting - y'all have awesome ideas we agree on a lot of stuff :) - my guidelines are here, and if you want some prompts, they are here.
also feel free to come in and start chatting to me in my asks, would love to get to know y'all better
and if you want to be added to my taglist lmk :)
toto wolff x wife!reader
“AND THAT IS A MERCEDES 1-2 TO THROW THIS CHAMPIONSHIP WIDE OPEN AT THE SAUDI ARABIAN GRAND PRIX AND 3 YEARS AFTER WINNING HIS LAST GRAND PRIX HERE, LEWIS HAMILTON HAS WON HIS 104TH CAREER VICTORY AND WHAT A WAY TO DO IT IN HIS LAST SEASON WITH MERCEDES.”
The rest of Crofty’s speech was drowned out by the cheers of the garage around Y/N as the team who had gone so long without winning, especially Lewis’ side of the garage cheered and yelled and as the pit mechanics came back from where they’d been on the fence yelling and contributed to more noise.
Y/N felt a little overwhelmed. She hadn’t really been in the garage since 2021, due to her husband’s tensions during the year and her wish to continue to just focus on her own career. She tried to insist she was the team’s bad luck charm after Abu Dhabi, until people had pointed out that she’d also been there during the dominant 2020 season. And as she had spent 2022 and 2023, which also were not great years for Mercedes, she’d agreed to do a lot more of her work remotely and come to the grand prixs. She insisted that she was bad luck at the first grand prix, and Toto had basically dragged her along to Saudi.
Maybe she was their good luck charm, she thought, as the garage exploded when Max and Sergio had crashed into each other, making both the red bulls retire. The Ferrari’s had been having problems all weekend but no one truly hoped even when they were sitting in a 1-2.
At least until they’d crossed the line. And then they’d had hope. And then the celebrations had begun. Someone had already found champagne and begun spraying it around, no one thinking about the podium, until all of a sudden everyone was and they were all rushing around and Y/N was all caught up in the rush and being pushed around by everyone, trying to find Toto until she felt a hand slip into hers.
She jumped back, not wanting some strange man holding her hand until she looked up and realised that it was in fact her husband who was trying to hold her hand.
“Sorry…didn’t realise it was you.”
“That’s okay Liebe. I’ve got you. Now lets go watch Lewis on the podium, okay?”
The second she nodded in agreement, Toto slipped his hand back into Y/N’s as he tried to push through the crowd again. Being tall and the team principal helped, and as they weren't coming for the pre podium celebrations, which is where everyone else was rushing towards. As the drivers were hugged and yelled at again by the mechanics (honestly how were they going to have voices tomorrow, and how were the red bull mechanics’ voices not very raspy after doing this practically every week for the past few years). Y/N thought she was going to have to cancel her meetings for the next few weeks as she would just be unable to talk.
Toto pushed through the throng of mechanics, pushing through the Mercedes and Williams colours everywhere, trying to get a good position at the front, and then the announcers began, and Toto and Y/N were wedged against the barrier and they decided to stop and watch the podium.
Y/N watched as Albon mounted the podium, grinning to the feral screams of the Williams mechanics to her left. She’d ended up wedged between James and Toto, smiling at James’ excitement on Alex being on the podium. She smiled at him as the noise from the Williams side of the podium celebration. He smiled back, almost bouncing up and down by the excitement of what Williams was achieving. And as Lewis, George and Bono bounded onto the podium, bringing up a round of screaming and even Y/N raised her hands. And as she raised her right hand, she could feel Toto’s hand, still intertwined with hers. She smiled, locking eyes with Toto.
His eyes twinkled as he smiled down, before his attention was brought back to the podium and yelling at the drivers.
The German and British anthems blared out, and while Y/N knew most of the words of the British anthem (it was mostly just the same words on repeat ‘god save our king’). And while Toto was able to sing the German anthem while Y/N butchered it here and there. She loved listening to her husband singing or talking in his natural language. It was very hot, if Y/N had to admit it.
As they left the podium to go back to the garage, Toto had still not let go of her hand as they continued winding between what felt like millions of people crowding the pit lane.
When they finally returned to the Mercedes garage, and walked up to Toto’s office, Toto finally let go of Y/N’s hand and started to gather up his work and laptop to get ready to return to the hotel.
“Hey, toto?”
“Yes liebe?”
“Why were you holding my hand?”
“Well, I didn’t want to get lost, and I didn’t want you to get lost, liebe.”
“Yeah, but why didn’t you let go of my hand when we got to the podium”
“Do I need an excuse to hold your hand, darling?”
“No but…”
“Then I kept holding your hand because I wanted to keep holding your hand. Is that a good enough excuse?”
“Okay Liebe.”
Toto put all his files and laptop in his left hand after shrugging on his overcoat, and then offered his right hand to Y/N.
“Can I keep holding your hand liebe?”
“Of course you can darling.”
---
taglist: @leosxrealm, @pear-1206, @tallrock35, @wolf-knights, @janeholt3
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bingwriterxo · 11 months
Text
the shakespeare exhibit - part 8
pairing: tara carpenter x reader
summary: in which you and tara both have things to talk about
warnings: mentions of stabbing, talks of substance abuse and verbal abuse
word count: 2700+
previous part | next part
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Finals season was in full swing at Blackmore University, sending its students into poor sleep schedules and even worse diets as they attempted to cram a semester’s worth of information into their brains.
You and Tara, unfortunately, were no exception. For the past week, the two of you had holed yourselves up in either the library or one of your apartments, your noses stuck in your books and your hands fumbling around for an energy drink whenever you needed a pick-me-up.
The only time you had taken a break was to celebrate Tara’s 20th birthday, but even then it was hardly a celebration. You had gathered all of her friends at her apartment, had a small party consisting of drinks and movies, and then went right back to studying, Tara in tow.
Safe to say, the stress levels were at an all-time-high, especially for Tara, who was experiencing her first round of finals in university. You had offered her a few studying tips, since you had already gone through the struggles of freshman-year exams the year prior, before immersing yourself in your own revision.
You were in the midst of reviewing for your Romantic Literature course--the last final that you had for the semester--when your mother called you, leading you to slip out of Tara’s bedroom and into the hallway to speak to her.
Tara sat at her desk, grumbling as she tried to study for her Introduction to Literature course. This is just as stupid as it was when I was studying for the midterm, she thought, eyes scanning her notes about Emily Dickinson. Maybe it’s even more stupid now.
Your voice broke her concentration as you walked back into her room, and she twisted her chair around to face you. “Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll ask her, alright?” You rolled your eyes and pointed at your phone, mouthing, she talks so much. Tara giggled softly, extending her arms for you to stand between, and you sighed as you slid into place, her fingers rubbing over your hips. “Okay. Yup. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Right. Okay, bye, mom.”
“What was that all about?” Tara asked when you hung up, throwing your phone onto her desk. “Did Eddie pull another prank on the Dylan Thomas statue again?”
You chuckled, thinking about the photo that your brother had sent you the week before—he had put a wig, makeup, and a shaving-cream beard on the statue of your grandfather’s late friend. “No, no. The statue garden has gone untouched this week.”
She shook her head, a grin on her face. “I still can’t believe you guys have a statue garden,” she said. But of course her family does. Because why wouldn’t they?
“Well, my dad’s always been big into statues. Like, when he was younger, he--” You cut yourself off. “That’s not important. Anyway, my mom invited us to spend Christmas at the house.” Tara’s eyes lit up, a type of joy that she didn’t know existed rushing through her. Us? she thought. I’ve been invited to family Christmas? “Do you want to go--”
“Yes!” she exclaimed immediately, nodding her head fervently. “Please, yes.” Shit, I’ll need to buy presents. What the hell do you get for kids who could buy anything they’ve ever wanted?
You giggled at her enthusiasm and tilted your head. “Are you sure you and Sam aren’t going back to California for the holidays?” you asked.
Back to California? Back to…Woodsboro? She furrowed her eyebrows, biting her bottom lip. “Why would we go to Cali?”
You squirmed a little where you stood. What’s she so nervous about? she wondered. “I just thought you might want to see your mom?” Your voice pitched on the last word, and Tara tensed, her arms falling to her sides. You frowned and reached out, but she pulled back, swallowing.
“No, there’s--we’re not--no,” she stammered out, her voice short. She shook her head. “I’ll be here.”
You nodded. “Okay.”
Tara wanted the conversation to be over, but your lips were pursed like you still had something you wanted to say. “What?” she asked.
You shook your head. “Nothing!”
She clenched her jaw and narrowed her eyes at you. “No, you look like you have something to say. What?”
“I just…you’ve never spoken about her. Maybe we could--”
That’s because there’s nothing to say.” She’s good for nothing, she thought. “I don’t like to talk about her.” I’d rather read Shakespeare, which is really saying something.
“But--”
“No.” Her voice was stern, clear-cut, and she watched as you deflated a little, your eyes flitting around the room. She sighed, running a hand down her face. “I’m not doing this right now, okay? I’m not talking about her.”
“Tar…” The nickname came out as a coo, soft and careful and meant to be comforting, but it ignited a strange irritation beneath Tara’s skin, and something in her snapped.
“Listen, we can’t all have a perfect-fucking-family, okay?” she shouted, and you flinched, taking a step back, your eyes widening at her sudden outburst. “Just because you have parents who are there and who care doesn’t mean everyone does! I mean, Jesus, my mom didn’t even come to see me last year after--” After Amber stabbed me half-to-death, she finished in her head.
The air was tense, quiet. You stood in front of her, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth, and Tara cursed herself when she noticed that your hands were trembling slightly.
“Baby…” She reached out for you, but her fingers met open air as you shook your head and crossed the room to grab your things from her bed.
“It’s fine. I--I shouldn’t have pushed,” you rushed out, your voice shaking. You threw your notebook and laptop into your backpack hastily before hurrying to the door. Tara stood, desperate to do something to stop you from leaving, but she didn’t get the chance as you said, “I’m sorry.” Of course she’d apologize when I snapped at her. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”
The door shutting behind you pulled all the air from Tara’s lungs, and she fell back into her chair, holding her face in her hands.
“God fucking damnit,” she groaned. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”
* * *
Hours later--during which Tara had sat in her bed and moped--there was a knock on her bedroom door. For a brief second, she thought it was you. But there would be no reason for her to come back after I got mad at her, she reminded herself, and any hope she had disappeared when Sam walked into the room, a frown on her face.
“I thought Y/N was staying for dinner so you two could study through it,” Sam said, bringing Tara’s attention right back to the fact that you had left. She stepped into the room, her arms crossed over her chest, and asked, “What happened? You’re all”--she gestured at Tara--“sad.”
Tara huffed, glaring at her sister. “Nothing,” she grumbled.
Sam scoffed. “Oh, please. You and Y/N have been attached at the hip since the start of finals.” She shook her head. “Scratch that--since you two began dating. So, what happened, Tara?”
Stupid Sam, being a good older sister. Tara sighed and relented. “She asked about mom.”
“Oh.” Sam frowned. “And what did you say?”
“I--” Was a bad girlfriend and got mad at her for no reason, Tara thought, shame seeping into her veins. “I snapped at her. I didn’t mean to. It’s just…mom’s a tough topic, and it’s even harder because Y/N’s family-life is so perfect.” She clenched her jaw and glanced away, ignoring the spark of jealous lighting in her chest. “She’s got two parents who are there, and they have money, and she’s just…” Perfect.
Sam tilted her head, walking over and sitting beside Tara. “You know, it wasn’t easy for me to tell Danny about mom, either. He’s in the same boat as Y/N--well, not the super rich family part, but his parents are together and there.” She shrugged. “It’s hard not to envy that, but she’s your girlfriend, so you’ll need to talk to her about mom at some point. She deserves to know.”
Tara nodded, hanging her head. “I know. I feel horrible for getting upset with her.” She gestured lamely at her phone. “I tried texting and calling her, but…” She pointed across the room, where your phone still sat on her desk. “Obviously that didn’t work.”
Sam hummed. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, Tara. Maybe she just needed a minute.” She rested her hand on Tara’s shoulder. “Plus, she’ll need her phone.”
“What if she comes back and breaks up with me?” Tara asked, looking up at Sam with wide eyes. What if she never speaks to me again? she thought. What if this is it? What if--
“Every couple has arguments, Tara.” Sam smiled softly at her. “She’s not going to break up with you over this. That girl’s head over heels for you, even more than you are for her. It’s gonna be okay, okay?”
Tara bit the inside of her cheek. “Yeah, okay,” she said, not missing the sorrow in her own voice. “Thanks.”
“Of course.” Sam stood, her hands on her hips and her head tilted. “Now, should we get Chinese food or pizza?”
* * *
Sam was right: you did just need a minute.
It was as Tara was getting ready for bed that she heard a knock on the front door. Sam’ll deal with it, she decided as she climbed beneath her sheets, ready to lay in the darkness and wallow for a while. Just as she was reaching over to turn off her bedside lamp, a certain name caught her attention.
“Oh, hi, Y/N!” Sam said loudly from the living room, and Tara knew she had raised her voice so that she would know who was at the door. She sat up immediately. Y/N is here? What? There was some mumbling before Sam’s voice came again. “Yeah, she’s in her room. Go ahead.”
Moments later, there were soft knocks against her bedroom door, and Tara scrambled out of her bed, rushing across the room to open the door for you. There you stood, your lips pulled in a downturned smile and your eyes wide with worry.
“Hey, pretty girl,” you muttered. You were still wearing the same clothes from the day, and your backpack was still hanging off your shoulders. Did she not go home? she wondered, furrowing her eyebrows. You pulled your arm out from behind you, revealing a small bouquet of flowers. “Got you these.”
Tara blinked. She bought me flowers?!  “I--Thanks?” She took them from your outstretched hand. “What are you doing here?”
“I said I’d see you later, didn’t I?” you tried to joke, but your voice was strained, like you were trying to be careful, and Tara felt guilt prick at her knowing that she was the cause. “Could I come in?”
“Oh, yeah. Of course. Always,” she rushed out, moving to her bed to sit. She placed the flowers on her bedside table and watched as you sat in front of her, fingers playing with her blanket. “So, what’s up?” ‘What’s up?’ Really? That’s the best I can do?
You sighed, a shaky breath falling from your lips. “I want to apologize,” you said. “I didn’t mean to push you into talking about your mom earlier. I know she’s a touchy subject.”
Tara frowned. “Why are you apologizing? I’m sorry for shouting at you. I shouldn’t have done that.”
You shook your head, glancing up and finally making eye-contact with her. “No, it’s okay. You didn’t want to talk about her. And, that’s okay.” You shrugged and offered her a comforting smile. “You don’t have to tell me about her…ever, if you don’t want to.”
“I should, though. I mean, we should talk about her.”
“Tara, you really don’t have to--”
“No, I--I want to.” Want’s a strong word, she thought. But I should.
“Okay,” you said, nodding and giving her your full attention. “You have the floor.”
She sighed heavily. “Well, my dad left when I was 8. My mom started working more so that she could afford Sam and I, but it turned more into an obsession for her, I think. Next thing I knew, she was never there. Sam left home when I was 13, and it was just me.” She shrugged, glancing down and fiddling with her fingers. “Then, Sam came back after I was attacked, and my mom wouldn’t talk to her, so we made the choice to cut her off. I haven’t spoken to her since we moved.”
Tara clicked her tongue, looking back up at you. To her surprise, your face wasn’t full of the pity she was used to seeing after telling people about her past; you were watching her carefully, looking close to tears.
“So, that’s that,” she said awkwardly.
You inhaled sharply, blinking your glassy eyes away. “You didn’t deserve any of that, Tar, and I’m sorry that you had to deal with it.” You reached out, your hand cupping her cheek, and she leaned into your touch. “I’m so happy that you’ve found your family.”
Her heart fluttered at your words, her mind flashing to Sam and Mindy and Chad. “Yeah,” she agreed. “I am, too. I really love those guys.” And I’ve found you, too, she thought. You make it all complete.
You grinned, and she practically melted into her mattress. “Good. They’re good--all of them.”
She giggled. “C’mere.” She wrapped her arms around your shoulders and pulled you to lay down with her, your face nuzzled into her neck. She laughed at the feeling of your nose against her skin, and said, “I love you. Like, a lot.”
Your arms wrapped around her waist, and you squeezed lightly. “I love you, like, a lot, too.” You sighed into her. “And I’m sorry for leaving like that earlier. I just…I don’t do well with raised voices.”
Huh? Suddenly, she was on high alert. Why not? What happened? “Any particular reason?”
You twisted in her hold so that you could lay beside her, your gaze trained on the ceiling. She scooted down so that her head was level with yours and looked at you, tracing your side profile with her eyes. So pretty, she thought. Wait, stay on topic, Tara.
You clenched your jaw. “We’ve never talked about it, but, um, my dad…” You closed your eyes. “When I was younger, my dad had a big drinking problem.” Her eyebrows furrowed. Her dad? That man? Really? “He was never physical,” you said, shaking your head lightly. “But he had a temper when he was drunk, and everything I did was always wrong.”
“Oh, Y/N,” she sighed, intertwining her fingers with yours. Your grip was tight, like she would float away if you didn’t hold on.
“He’d yell a lot, at me, at my mom.” Oh, baby. Your thumb rubbed over the skin of her hand. “But he’s good now. He got better after the boys were born--got sober. He hasn’t had a drink since.” You turned your head, looking back at her.
“He’s not, like, obsessed with apples, or anything,” you said. What does that have to do with the conversation? she wondered. “But, he eats them a lot when we have parties. That was his thing--eat an apple when he wanted a drink. It stuck, so we keep the fridge stocked, and any time someone sees him even look in the direction of alcohol, we get him an apple.” You smiled. “He eats them begrudgingly, but he’ll never have an apple out of his own volition now.”
Tara chuckled softly. “I’m happy he’s better now, but I’m sorry you dealt with that. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.”
You shrugged, leaning closer so that your forehead rested against her cheek. “It’s okay now. I’m alright,” you promised. “Just…never buy that man an apple, alright?” you joked, easing the tension in the air.
“Deal,” she agreed, nudging your head up. She leaned in, kissed you, and said, “I guess no family’s perfect after all, huh?” when she pulled away.
“I guess not.” You grinned, leaning up on your elbow to hover over her. “But, maybe ours could be the first.”
Her heart practically stopped, and she couldn’t help the smile that took over her face. Ours? she thought. She felt like she wanted to burst from the amount of joy that came with that thought. Yeah. Ours.
“Okay.” She pushed herself up and kissed you again. “Ours will be the first.”
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therealcocoshady · 2 months
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Hi coco!
Can you do a one shot about a younger actress reader?
There is a tiktok going viral about her saying that she likes older men and another where she is looking at marshall at an event with "fuck me eyes"?
Reader freaks out when marshall just slides into her dms but later they are spotted together at the paparazzi?
I just find it cute and awkward 💀
DADDY’S SPAGHETTI 🍝
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Eminem x Young Actress Reader
Synopsis : You are a young actress whose crush on Eminem becomes public. You are mortified about it… until he slides in your DMs.
Author’s Note : I absolutely LOVED this request, I had to give it a go ❤️. I was inspired and I swear I never wrote anything that quickly. It is short and sweet and I hope you enjoy it. ☺️
You thought you were done being publicly embarrassed. Yet, life was proving you wrong. As an actress who had her start in her teenage years, you weren’t a stranger to embarrassment. From awkward casting calls to stupid deaths on TV, it was practically part of the job. However, as your career evolved, you thought it would go away. After all, you were now in a better position, able to choose the projects you were involved in and you had garnered the respect from your peers and the industry. Even the media had become more kind towards you. In a matter of years, you had gone from the awkward teen movie star to well-respected actress, and you were able to look back fondly to your early years. You even joked about how awkward you were, back then. The last thing you expected was for it to start all over again. 
You were walking the red carpet for the premiere of your latest movie, your biggest project to date. It was truly the highlight of your career : a role created specifically for you, a movie directed by someone you admired, a beautiful story told on the big screen… You had gotten your fair share of praise in the past, but you knew this was going to be your « big break ». Behind the scenes, everyone had praised your performance and told you it was « Oscars material ». You didn’t know if that was true or not, but you were on cloud nine nonetheless. When you walked the red carpet at the premiere, in a custom Elie Saab gown, everything felt right and you weren’t even stressed out when you answered the questions of a few journalists present. 
You look truly amazing, tonight, one commented. Who are you wearing ? 
Thank you ! This is a custom Elie Saab, I feel like a princess. I sort of had to dress up for this beautiful event, you replied as you tried to shift the focus on the movie. 
This is your biggest role to date, another said. How do you feel about the movie ? Have you seen it ? 
I’ve seen bits and pieces. But I’m going to discover the whole thing tonight, you said with excitement. I’m very confident. Filming with such a director was an honor and I know that the result will be great. I can’t wait for everyone to see it ! 
One thing that everybody is really excited about is the soundtrack, too, a third journalist chimed in. Eminem was involved. Have you heard the theme song yet ? 
I haven’t, you said. But it’s Eminem so I know it’s going to be absolutely fantastic ! I can’t wait to hear it ! 
You sound like you like his work. Have the two of you met ? They asked. 
Oh, I’m his biggest fan, you said with a huge smile. His music’s the soundtrack to my life ! But no, I haven’t met him… 
Tonight’s your chance, they joked. He is over there. 
They pointed to him and Eminem was, indeed, a few feet away from you. He had been a celebrity crush of yours for years and you were absolutely starstruck. He was even more attractive than in pictures ! You couldn’t help but stare. This man was oozing charisma and commanding attention. You didn’t even notice that you were looking at him with « fuck me » eyes and licking your lips. For a brief instant, you completely forgot where you were, until you heard your name being called, signaling that you had to keep walking and enter the screening room. That night, you didn’t get a chance to meet your idol, though. As the lead of the movie, people kept on coming over to you and talking to you. It was probably for the best, too. You had been starstruck enough on the red carpet ad you did not trust yourself to have a pleasant exchange with him. 
Of course, the video of you thirsting over Eminem went viral. It would have been kind of cute if other clips hadn’t surfaced. There were videos from years ago, of you talking about having a crush on him - God, you really didn’t have a filter, back then - and especially one interview where you were candid about being attracted by older men. 
What’s your type when it comes to men and dating ? The journalist asked. 
I like mature, older men, you said candidly. I’m not really attracted to people my age. 
Any physical features you’re attracted to ? 
Oh, it’s typical, you know, you giggled. Dark hair, blue eyes… I like a nice beard, too. 
So basically… Eminem ? The interviewer playfully asked. 
Oooof… You have no idea, you replied with a grin. 
Isn’t he… Old enough to be your Dad, though ? 
Let’s just say I wouldn’t mind calling Marshall Mathers Daddy, you giggled. 
At the time, this interview didn’t make much noise. It was for an indie podcast and, seeing as you weren’t too famous at the time, it sort of flew under the radar. It was kind of a harmless joke and a nod to your thirst for him, which all your friends were very much aware of. However, the video resurfaced after the viral red carpet clip, and people were quick to make edits, soberly titled « Y/N thirsting over Eminem over the years ». Your friends jokingly forwarded them to you and you know they were being playful, but to you, it was everything but fun. You were absolutely mortified. Having a crush on him was one thing, but there was a literal video of you staring at him like you were in heat. So much for being a classy movie star… 
The nail in the coffin came when Marshall was interviewed and asked to react to the video of you thirsting over him. He seemed genuinely surprised, leading to think that he wasn’t aware of the clip before the interview. All in all, he didn’t say much, he just described the whole thing as « flattering » and quickly went on to praise your performance in the movie : « We didn’t actually meet, but I saw the movie, which I worked on the soundtrack for, and she is really amazing in it. Really talented. ». Thank God, he didn’t add to your embarrassment. Your friends were going crazy over this « Come on, Y/N, he said he was flattered and that you’re talented ! That’s cute ! You should DM him or something », they encouraged you. However, you didn’t. He was clearly just being classy and not publicly embarrassing you - you did that on your own anyway. 
A few days later, however, you had the biggest surprise of your life : a DM from him on Instagram. At first, you thought it was a fake account and didn’t pay it much attention but it was clearly him, verified account, blue tick and everything. You were nervous to open it and you almost didn’t want to. What would he say to you ? Most likely something along the lines of « Please don’t mention me ever again, that’s awkward, you’re awkward and your filmography is trash anyway». It actually took you a couple of days to muster the courage of opening it. Thankfully, it wasn’t anything horrible. Quite the contrary, actually. He was in LA for the week and wanted to know if you’d have dinner with him. You were terrified and freaking out, but also excited. At first, you were reluctant - what if you embarrassed yourself ? But ultimately, curiosity got the best of you and you accepted. Surely, if he asked you to have dinner with him, it couldn’t be that bad, right ? 
A couple of days later, the two of you went for dinner and joined at SoHo House in West Hollywood. Due to both of your fame, a members-only social club was a safe pace that allowed for privacy. You were nervous, at first, and some paranoid part of your brain was scared that it would be a complete disaster, but it was the contrary. He introduced himself as Marshall and was an absolute gentleman and a sweetheart. He mentioned he had seen a lot of your movies and described himself as an admirer of your work. The whole evening, conversation flowed easily between the two of you. He put you at ease and was one of the most interesting persons you had ever met, knowledgeable on a lot of subjects and funny as hell, too. You weren’t too sure, but it also seemed like he was subtly flirting with you, though you didn’t want to get in your own head and make assumptions. He was so chill that you weren’t star struck anymore, but you were still reasonably impressed and too scared to flirt, so you simply enjoyed conversation with him. You were usually scared to meet people you admired, afraid that you’d have a terrible interaction with them that would taint your perception of their work, but the whole dinner was heavenly and you were so glad he DMed you. In his company, time seemed like a foreign concept, so much so that you had to be kicked out of the club’s restaurant, since you were the only customers left and it was 2 in the morning. 
I can’t believe we’ve been here for six hours already, you giggled. Time really flew by. 
It did, he said with a smile. I’m really glad we did this, Y/N. 
Me too, you said shyly. 
You were in the lobby, about to part ways, and your heart was beating fast. The way he spoke your name had you feeling all the feels and you didn’t really want the moment to end. He was staring at you intently while you were nervously biting your lip, trying not to say something awkward that could ruin the night. « Don’t be that person, Y/N », you thought to yourself. 
Thank you for coming, he said. When you didn’t reply to my DM, I thought you didn’t really want to meet. But I had a really great time tonight. 
Yeah, sorry I… I actually took a few days to open your message because I was scared, you confessed. I mean, we haven’t addressed the elephant in the room tonight, but I did kind of make a fool of myself on the red carpet. And when you wrote, I was kind of nervous. 
You didn’t make a fool of yourself, he said reassuringly. Nothing to be embarrassed about. It was kind of adorable. 
No need to sugarcoat it, you said nervously. You’ve seen that video of me thirsting over you… 
I have, he said as he got closer to you. I’m pretty lucky… 
A-Are you ? You asked nervously. 
Yeah… Thank God they didn’t catch me staring at you the whole night of the premiere, he continued. Because I literally couldn’t take my eyes off you. You’re gorgeous. 
Oh ? Uhm… I mean… The glam team really did a good job, you babbled. And the stylists, too. 
They really did, he said with a smile as he got even closer. You were stunning. 
I mean, it was a lot of work for me to look good, you know ? I mean I normally look like tra-… I mean, not trash but you know it’s… 
There you were. Embarrassing yourself. There was only so much time you could spend in his intoxicating presence without making a fool of yourself and, apparently, it was six hours. He was smiling and you nerves were getting the best of you. You didn’t drink too much at dinner and you couldn’t even blame it on the cocktails. Just your dumb brain making interactions awkward. Thank God the lobby was dimly lit, otherwise, he would have seen your face turn bright red. You cheeks were burning from embarrassment. 
I-I’m sorry, you said. I’m not good at talking to hot people. I mean you’re… Oh my God, why can’t I shut up ? I’m sorry, it’s late and -
I’ll help you, he chuckled as he cupped your face and kissed you. 
The kiss was soft and romantic and you could feel him smile into it. He had one hand stroking your cheek while the other one was on your waist, pulling you close to him. You wrapped your arms around his neck and fully leaned into the kiss as your lips parted ways, allowing his tongue to caress yours. Thank God it was late and you were the only people there, having some sense of privacy while the kiss got more and more passionate. When he broke the embrace, Marshall grabbed your hand and pressed his forehead to yours. 
Would you like to come to my room ? He asked with a smile. 
Ok, you nodded - still a bit dizzy from the kiss. 
In the elevator, you kissed hungrily and there was absolutely no doubt as to where this was headed. You usually weren’t the kind of girl to sleep on the first date, but your five-date policy was thrown to the fire. Marshall was way too hot, way too charismatic. Also, you’d fantasized about him long enough to make an exception. If every wet dream of yours he had inhabited over the years counted as a date, this was actually overdue. You made it to the room and quickly ended up on the bed with him on top of you, nipping at the sweet spot in your neck. 
Marshall, you moaned. 
You meant « Daddy », right ? He asked with a smirk. 
You stared at him with your mouth open, almost embarrassed as you remembered your comment about how you wouldn’t mind calling him Daddy. Your shocked expression made him laugh and he didn’t give you time to reply. Instead, he captured your lips and ran his hands under your blouse. That night, you did end up calling him « Daddy », as well as screaming his name while he ravished you in every way possible until the both of you passed out from exhaustion. 
The next morning, as you woke up in his arms, you weren’t too sure what to do or say, wondering if that was a one time thing or not. However, you weren’t confused for too long as Marshall asked you on another dinner date. You saw each other as much as possible for the remainder of his stay in California. It was meant to be casual, at first, but it quickly became more and, even though the two of you were busy, you tried to make it work. Whenever he came to LA to work with Dre, he would stay at your place and, as soon as you had free time, you flew to Michigan to spend time with him. It was only a matter of time until rumors started to emerge about the two of you, though you were careful not to be spotted together. 
DADDY’S SPAGHETTI : Y/N SPOTTED IN DETROIT. 
Oscar-nominated actress Y/N was spotted in Detroit last week. She was seen grabbing a takeout order from Mom’s Spaghetti on Woodward Avenue. Through the years, Y/N has been quite vocal about her love of Eminem, but it seems like she’s doing more than supporting the Rap God’s business venture. The hoodie she was wearing does look a lot like the one Eminem was wearing a few days earlier when he was spotted attending the Lions game. Last time she walked the red carpet, Y/N was seen thirsting over the Detroit rapper. Is there a chance they could appear at the Oscars together ?
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mercurygguk · 2 years
Text
if it’s not you · kth (m)
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↳ summary; Kim Taehyung grew up watching his parents fall more in love for each day that passed and he always longed for that great, passionate love himself. But if it’s not you? Then he doesn’t want it.
pairing; taehyung x f. reader
word count; 8,582
rating; 18+
content; exes to lovers!au, smut/angst, a bit of fluff
warnings; making out, dirty talk, nipple play, oral sex (f. receiving), hand job, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, cream pie, possessive/jealous and slightly insecure taetae <3
chapters. part one | part two
↳ listen to the playlist here.
author’s note; it’s here!!!! the taehyung fic i’ve been wanting to write for SO long ughhhdjsk i really hope you like it and that you enjoy it despite all the hurt and angst heh – please let me know what you think! comment, reblog, send me an ask – whatever you feel most comfortable with!! everything is greatly appreciated <3 thank you sm for reading muah
ps. a big thank you to @kookingtae​ once again for beta-ing for me and for helping me brainstorm for the smut scene <33 ur the best ily thank you for your support and help!
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Kim Taehyung is not sad.
Sadness is not what he feels when he goes out with his friends and spots two people all over each other, happy and in love. Sadness is not what he feels when he sits at home, watching a movie by himself. Sadness is not what he feels when his friends tell him they’re engaged and are having an engagement party to celebrate.
No, Kim Taehyung is way past sadness. 
If anything, what he feels is most likely something more akin to a feeling called ‘I don’t care anymore’... a certain, unexplainable emptiness. He doesn’t care that everyone around him is falling in love and getting engaged, he doesn’t care if two strangers are all over each other when he’s at a bar. He doesn’t care that all of his one-night-stands give him a nasty look when he tells them to leave in the middle of the night after having emotionless – I don’t care who you are or what your name is – sex with them.
Taehyung just doesn't care anymore. Or that’s what he thought, at least.
He thought that he wouldn’t give two shits when he saw you walk through the door, arriving at the engagement party his friends are currently throwing. He also thought that he wouldn’t care that some unknown guy was trailing right behind you, his hand tightly wrapped around yours.
But Taehyung should’ve known better. 
He should’ve known his mind would play tricks on him and pull up flashbacks to the day he lost all belief in love.
Two years ago…
“Kiss me,” he pleaded, voice barely above a whisper as he spoke. He begged you, the unsteady tone of his voice giving away that he was on the brink of breaking down if you didn’t connect your lips with his within the next few seconds. He was desperate, breathing heavily as he tried his best to keep the tears from welling in his eyes.
The last few weeks had been absolute hell. The apartment has been empty beyond measure, most of your stuff gone by now. You haven’t been in the apartment since the day you left and the only reason you were back tonight was because you forgot a few things. Taehyung knew you’d come, you had texted him to let him know just so that you wouldn’t be barging in on him at a random hour. One thing he didn’t realize though when you texted him was how much he genuinely hated all of this until you stood in front of him with a small, sad-looking smile on your face.
How you ended up in the bedroom, cuddling and now almost kissing, was unbeknownst to him and you as well. Taehyung had been sitting on the edge of the bed, watching as you packed your remaining things in utter silence. When you were finished and wanted to give him one last goodbye hug, he had made the first move to urge you onto the bed with him. It’s not that he had bad intentions with it. He just needed to hold you one last time before you’d move on for good. Cuddles then turned into him pulling you on top of him to straddle his waist, begging and pleading for you to kiss him.
“Taehyung…” You softly let his name fall from your lips in a sigh as you looked down at him from your straddling position on top of him, “we shouldn’t-”
“Please, ____,” he tried again with pain laced in his words, sitting up with you still perched on his lap, “please, just kiss me.”
[end of flashback]
Two years since he last saw you and talked to you. Two years of losing every ounce of belief he had in ‘the great love’ of life. Why continue to look for love when he already had the love of his life and lost her?
In Taehyung’s head, there was no reason to look for love when the person he loved more than life itself left him with only half a heart to live by two years ago. Even if he wanted to find another great love, it simply wouldn’t be possible. He lives with only half of his heart and you can’t love someone with just half a heart.
Not when someone else has the other half.
“Hey, isn’t that ____?”
Taehyung is pulled from his thoughts by Jimin, his best friend since high school and the only person who would be able to recognize his ex-girlfriend from miles away – even after two years have gone by.
“Yep,” Taehyung curtly replies and brings his drink to his lips, taking a long sip. The heavy, dark taste of whiskey burns his throat on the way down but he welcomes it, suddenly in desperate need of feeling something that isn’t the tug on the strings of his half heart.
Jimin’s face scrunches up in confusion, “who’s the guy?”
I don’t know, Jimin. Does it look like I’ve stayed in touch with her since she walked out on me? Do you think she’d be across the room, in another man’s embrace, if I had stayed in touch with her?
Instead of saying that, Taehyung shrugs ‘carelessly’ and takes another sip of his drink, eyes following you as you and your date move towards the newly-engaged couple. 
He can’t take his eyes off you.
You look so different and yet the exact same. 
Every move of your body and expression on your face twist in the most beautiful, hypnotizing way as always. Your hair is shorter, he notices, but it suits you. You’re glowing from across the room and your smile lights up the entire apartment when you throw your head back in laughter.
It travels across the room and reaches Taehyung’s ears, cutting straight through the music flowing from the stereo. The pretty sound causes his chest to fill with a familiar warmth. Except this time it isn’t him who’s on the receiving end of your smile and gentle touch; your date is. As much as it bothers him, Taehyung can’t stop watching you as you talk with the hosts, wishing them congratulations on their engagement, and handing them the gift you brought along. And then you introduce the man next to you, a bright smile on your face as you watch them shake hands. 
Something vile rises within Taehyung at the sight. He knows he has no right to feel like this but something about the way you’re introducing this random guy to you and Taehyung’s shared friends doesn’t sit right with him. It used to be you and him, attending every get-together together. You always arrived hand in hand, all smiles and good vibes because nothing could stop the two of you from touching each other, from being attached at all times – from being in love.
“Jia didn’t mention anything about a new boyfriend,” Jimin mutters from next to Taehyung. The annoyed glare he shoots at his best friend causes Jimin to shrug innocently, “I mean – I think, of all people, she would know if ____ was seeing someone.”
Jia is a shared friend between you and Jimin. While Jia is one of your best friends, Jia and Jimin are more than friends but not quite enough to be considered a couple. They will get there eventually – Jimin just needs to get his head out of his own ass and ask the poor girl on a date instead of only showing up at her doorstep for some fun in bed. Jia is waiting patiently for him to make the next move but Jimin isn’t that smart when it comes to serious relationships.
“Don’t you have something else to do rather than talking my ear off about my ex and her date?”
The bitterness on Taehyung’s tongue feels odd but he can’t help it. He hasn’t seen you once in two years after you left that night and now you’re here, looking beautiful as ever with another man by your side. 
Jealousy has never been something Taehyung cared much for. He never had a reason to but as you let your date wrap an arm around your waist to pull you closer, the jealousy washes away every rational thought he’s had since he saw you walk through the door.
Jimin mumbles something under his breath before he disappears from Taehyung’s side, leaving him to stand there while rolling the glass of whiskey in his hand, dark and glaring eyes shooting daggers at the man you brought along tonight.
However, it seems his glare from across the room also grazes you as you turn your head to look around. Taehyung’s breath hitches in his throat when your eyes meet his and he can tell you let out a gasp once you realize just who exactly you’re locking eyes with. Your date asks you if something’s wrong and you shake your head in response, telling him it’s nothing.
Taehyung’s body heats up with a familiar tingling feeling that feels all too normal and yet it’s a strange sensation. He hasn’t felt what he just felt in two years, the different women he’s slept with or been out with have never once caused warmth and excitement to spread through his entire body as the ones he just felt. Not a single woman has managed to trigger Taehyung’s interest in more than just a one-night-stand.
But, of course, it’s you.
Who else would light a fire in his soul but the same woman who blew it out a few years ago?
The irony almost makes Taehyung huff out an unimpressed chuckle. He fights it and pushes it back but it's no use as you decide to raise your hand and give him a small wave, a hesitant smile on your lips as you do. Taehyung lets the chuckle leave him, shaking his head in disbelief, watching your smile falter into a soft frown.
You left him.
You walked out of the door two years ago and dropped off earth’s surface until tonight. Taehyung only knew you were alive and well thanks to social media and your circle of shared friends, not that it was much help. His so-called friends weren't very cooperative every time he’d ask about you. Especially when he would visit Jimin and Jia would be there – that woman kept all the news about you behind locked lips whenever Taehyung was around.
So, when it really comes down to it, Taehyung has no idea what you've been doing for two years. All he knows is that you went overseas to live and work there, making the distance between you and him bigger than he’d expected when he watched you walk out of the home you once shared. Taehyung doesn’t understand why you bolted out of the country as soon as you could – what you went looking for, he doesn’t know. Probably no one knows – except for your parents maybe. 
All Taehyung is hoping for is that he wasn’t the reason.
Thoughts like ‘how long have you been seeing this guy’ and ‘did you even think about me once while you were overseas, living a brand new life’ fill Taehyung’s head as he downs the rest of his drink. He steals one last glance at you, catching your eyes for a split-second before heading towards the kitchen of this penthouse apartment he currently finds himself in. He can feel your eyes on him as he slips his way through other guests but he keeps his own eyes focused on the whiskey bottle he spots on the kitchen island.
Once he reaches it, he uncaps it and pours himself another glass. He takes a swig of the brown liquor, sighing deeply as he feels the strong and burning sensation in his throat. 
“Slow down there, tiger.”
Taehyung freezes in his spot, his glass of whiskey halfway to his lips to take another slurp when a familiar voice fills the kitchen. His chest tightens for a split-second before he turns around to face the person he’s been thinking about non-stop since she left. 
You’re flashing a smile at him when he turns around, one that doesn’t really reach your eyes as your real smile would. He notices because he always notices. It’s one of the many things you can’t hide from him. No matter how much you try to plaster on a fake smile, he’ll always know when it’s real or not. 
When he doesn’t reply to your teasing comment, you pull your lips into a thin line as you cautiously step closer.
He can’t stop staring at you. 
When you left your shared home two years ago on the worst night of Taehyung’s life, he had no idea when he would see you again. Back then he had hoped you’d regret your choice of moving out and come back to him, tell him that you made a mistake, that not being with him was the only thing you couldn’t get yourself to do.
But it never happened – and two years passed.
“How have you been?” You ask, voice small and careful as if you’re afraid he’ll scream at you and throw all his pent up anger at you as the first thing.
Taehyung finally manages to take his eyes off you, shifting them to look at the glass of whiskey in his hand. He swirls the liquid around a few times before looking up again, a faint and slightly sad smile on his face.
“Okay,” he responds. “Given the circumstances, that is.”
He can tell that you know exactly what he means, the frown on your face giving it away. It makes a short chuckle leave his lips because it’s kind of comical how you haven’t seen each other in two years and the first time you meet again is at an engagement party – the type of party you were both so sure you’d throw sooner or later had it not been for the fact that the universe wanted it differently.
“You brought a date,” Taehyung breaks the silence hanging over you.
Your lips part in surprise. You did not expect your ex-boyfriend to ask about your date, but then again, you should’ve seen it coming. 
“Uh, yeah, he’s–” you begin, not sure what or where to start. Taehyung watches you intently, curious to hear your response. You feel a strong urge to explain yourself to him, why you don’t know. “It’s nothing serious– it’s very new, so…”
“I see,” Taehyung hums and takes another sip of his whiskey, the alcohol still burning and strong on his tongue.
“Hey, about–,” you begin but the shake of Taehyung’s head causes you to stay quiet.
“We don’t have to do that,” he simply says. You frown deeply as he glances over your shoulder at your date. “I’m over it and it seems you are too.”
“But–”
“It’s good to see you again, ____.”
With that Taehyung grabs the half empty bottle of whiskey off the table and leaves the kitchen, a breath of relief escaping him. It’s gonna take a lot of alcohol to get through tonight with you being in the same room, so close yet so far – not his to touch or hold, the only thing that is his are the memories of doing exactly that in the past.
And nothing has ever left a more bitter taste in his mouth before.
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As the party carries on, Taehyung has been drinking more whiskey. He’s not drunk per say but he’s definitely tipsy and it shows as he stands in a corner alongside Jimin and Namjoon. He’s not paying attention to their conversation, too busy watching you and your date mingling. 
Taehyung is not much for admitting it but he’s been keeping an eye on your date all night, watching how he acts around you. He’s not afraid to touch you, that’s for sure, the constant placement of his hand on your lower back is a giveaway. However, he hasn’t seen the two of you kiss or anything of the sort ever since you arrived. It’s odd because, of all people, Taehyung knows that you’re not one to shy away from PDA. You were never big on it but you never despised it either.
“Tae, stop staring,” Jimin’s voice penetrates his focused thoughts. Taehyung tears his eyes from you to look at his best friend. Jimin gives him a look, one he can’t help but laugh at. Taehyung pushes himself up from his leaning position against the wall, standing to his full height. Jimin grabs his arm. “I’m serious, whatever you’re thinking, don’t.”
“Relax,” Taehyung smirks. “I’m just gonna introduce myself, that’s it.”
Namjoon shakes his head, taking a sip of his drink, “sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.”
“Exactly,” Jimin pointedly agrees with him. “Don’t ruin it.”
Taehyung shrugs off Jimin’s hand, shooting his friends a glare, “I’m not gonna ruin anything.”
Before his friends can try and talk him out of it again, he wanders off towards you and your date – a dark-haired guy who seems friendly, boring even, and nothing like the type of guy Taehyung had imagined you’d go for.
You don’t notice Taehyung’s presence until he’s standing right next to you, offering a hand to your date. Your eyes widen in surprise, eyes shifting between your ex-boyfriend, his offered hand and your date for the night. You can’t help the small sliver of panic within your chest as you watch them interact.
“Hey man, I don’t think we’ve met before,” he greets him, “I’m Taehyung.”
“Jinyoung,” your date replies, giving Taehyung’s hand a weak shake without much thought. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Likewise.”
Taehyung smirks, eyeing Jinyoung up and down for a moment, wondering where on earth you managed to run into this guy and why you thought of bringing him to your friends’ engagement party. The majority of the people here know you and once this guy isn’t part of your life anymore, you’ll spend your energy explaining why at the next event.
“Taehyung is, um…” You begin, turning to Jinyoung to provide some information as to why he would suddenly come over and introduce himself like this. “He’s my, uh–”
“Ex-boyfriend,” Taehyung finishes for you. He watches in satisfaction as Jinyoung’s eyes widen in surprise, the faint hints of intimidation evident in them. “We broke up two years ago.”
“Oh, well, I had no idea there was an… ex-boyfriend,” Jinyoung trails off, glancing at you in confusion.
Your attention, however, is aimed at Taehyung, “Tae, can we talk–”
“Did you know ____ fled the country after breaking up with me?” Taehyung lets out a sarcastic laugh, watching how Jinyoung almost squirms in discomfort. Bet he didn’t sign up for a meeting with the ex-boyfriend when he said yes to join you tonight. “Is that where she met you or?”
Your jaw tightens as you place a hand on Taehyung’s arm, catching his attention. He glances at your hand and then you, eyes meeting yours. He notices the desperation in them, the grip you have on his arm.
“Can I talk to you under four eyes? Now, please.”
He smiles at you, a tipsy smile but endearing nonetheless.
“Absolutely,” he tells you before glancing back at Jinyoung. “If you’ll excuse us for a moment.”
Jinyoung looks confused and awkward as Taehyung flashes him a fake smile before allowing himself to be dragged away by you. It isn’t until you’re in a secluded corner of your friends’ penthouse, you let go of his arm. Taehyung leans against the wall, a small smirk on his face as you stare at him for a moment before your face morphs into disbelief.
“What the hell was that all about?”
He shrugs, “I was just introducing myself.”
You let out a chuckle, crossing your arms over your chest, “oh, is that what it was? How silly of me to think you were trying to measure your dick with his!”
He huffs out a scoff, rolling his eyes, “oh, sweetheart, I don’t have to and you know it.”
Your mouth falls open at his cocky behavior. Whoever this man in front of you is, you don’t know him. He is not the man you broke up with two years ago, he’s not even a shadow of the man you were hopelessly in love with once. 
Taehyung watches your expression fall as if realization hits you square in the face. His ego covers it up perfectly but it hurts seeing the realization on your face, his heart sinking to his stomach as he realizes himself what you just realized –neither of you are the same people you were two years ago. And for some reason that realization hurts more than he thought it would because change is supposed to be good, right?
“Maybe breaking up with you wasn’t a mistake after all,” you tell him, eyes filled with disappointment and hurt. Taehyung frowns as the words leave your lips. “You’re an asshole.”
“____, I–”
You shake your head before turning on your heel, heading back to Jinyoung who’s been watching the two of you with worried eyes. Taehyung catches Jinyoung’s gaze over your shoulder, the judgemental look he shoots at him bruising his ego. However, the sight of your hand slipping into Jinyoung’s bruises his heart as he watches you and your date bid the engaged couple goodbye before leaving the penthouse.
Hand in hand.
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Loud knocking wakes Taehyung up the following morning. He squints an eye open, the bright light coming from the morning sun hitting him straight in the face. He lets out a low groan, dropping his head back into the softness of his pillows. He forgot to pull the curtains when he came home last night. It happens too often after a night out – a bad habit, really.
The knocking disappears for a moment before it returns, more persistent this time around. With a sigh, Taehyung gets himself out of bed, slipping on a t-shirt and sweatpants before sauntering towards his front door.
Who in the world could be rapping their knuckles on his door this early on a sunday morning? 
He glances towards the kitchen, eyes squinting to read the red numbers on the oven. His eyebrows lift in surprise. It’s not morning anymore, it’s past noon and someone is very persistent on the other side of the door. Once he reaches the door, he sneaks a peek through the peephole, breath hitching in his throat when he realizes who’s on the other side. His forehead connects with the surface of the door as a low ‘fuck’ leaves his lips.
Inhaling sharply, he grabs the door handle and pulls the door open.
“What are you doing here?” He asks.
Taehyung sees no point in greeting you first, the question flying from his mouth before he can process it properly. He’s surprised to see you on his doorstep after what happened at the engagement party last night. When he came home and plopped into his bed, he had been thinking about whether or not he should seek you out to talk things through. He never got the chance to think further about it before sleep overtook and pulled him under.
“We need to talk,” you tell him, pushing past him, shoulder bumping his.
Taehyung closes the door after you before following you further into his home. You stand by his bookshelf, several feet away from him. He watches you as you look around, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants to keep them from feeling restless. 
“How do you know where I live?” He decides to ask after a moment of intense silence.
You turn to face him from your new spot by the big window, the view from it being of a park with endless rows of trees and bushes, the colors of them ranging from green to brown to orange to yellow. 
“Jimin told me,” you tell him, “but that’s not important – what the hell was your problem last night?”
Taehyung shrugs, “nothing… I was just introducing myself.”
A sarcastic laugh escapes your pretty lips, a look of amusement on your face.
“Bullshit, Tae,” you protest. “We haven’t seen each other in two years and you pull a stunt like that? It’s not like you.”
He can’t help but scoff.
Not like him? 
It’s not like him to spend two years watching women come and go in his home. It’s not like him to let the woman he loves leave him and not do shit about it for two years. It’s not like him to not care about love at all. It’s not like him to lose all faith and belief in the great love of his life but he did and it’s your fault. You made him what he is today. You up and left, leaving him because ‘things weren’t the way they used to be’. He accepted what you wanted because you were so certain that was what you wanted at the time. He shouldn’t have but he did because he loved you and he’d rather love you from a distance than keep you in a place that didn’t make you happy.
Blaming you isn’t right but it’s always easier to blame someone else than yourself.
“I pulled a stunt?” The anger that’s starting to boil within him laces within his voice as he moves closer. Your eyes are locked with his as he slowly moves across the room, nearing you. “You’re the one who brought a fucking date, _____! You knew I would be there and yet you thought ‘hey, let me bring a date and introduce him to everyone there while my ex is in the same fucking room’!”
You let out a frustrated groan.
“It’s been two years, Taehyung! For all I know, you could’ve brought someone too!”
The frustration is seeping through his veins as he steps closer, only a few feet from you at this point. You’re close and he can touch you if he just reaches his hands out to you but you’ve never felt farther away. Had he known two years ago that it would come to this, he wouldn’t have let you walk out of the door that night. He would’ve fought for you, told you that you would figure things out together. That he would do his utmost best to make you happy – no matter the sacrifices he would have to make.
“Do you know how fucking miserable I’ve been for the past two years? Do you know how many times I’ve asked about you only to get no answers from anyone?”
The guilt is evident on your face as he takes the risk and steps even closer. He can feel the warmth radiating off your body now, the close proximity doing nothing to calm his thundering heart.
“Have you ever, just for a second, thought about how fucking hard it’s been after you left and fled the fucking country?”
You let out a shaky breath, “I didn’t–”
Taehyung can’t fight the dry laugh leaving him, “I begged you to stay, ____. I was begging you but you left anyway and for what?”
He watches as you shrug helplessly, mouth opening and closing while you try to decipher what to say, how to explain. He would appreciate an explanation – ‘things aren’t the way they used to be’ isn’t enough anymore.
“I… I had some stuff I needed to figure out,” you mutter.
“We could’ve figured it out together!” He argues, hands thrown out in pure frustration.
The shake of your head has Taehyung frowning deeply. You look away, unable to watch the way his face falls as the words leave your lips, “I couldn’t love you the way you deserved. I had to leave. It was what was best for us back then–”
“No,” he mutters, voice soft and filled with sorrow, “you don’t get to decide what’s best for me.”
You feel him step back, taking his warmth with him. He sits down on the couch, running a hand through his hair as an exasperated sigh leaves his chest. You cross your arms over your chest; the act doing nothing to comfort yourself but doing enough to keep yourself warm after he removed himself from right in front of you. 
Unsure, what to do, you sit down on the window pane, watching the man you used to be inseparable from. He looks tired and not because you forced him out of bed by knocking on his door. He looks like the past two years have been nothing but hell for him – and you believe it. Leaving him was one of the hardest things you’ve ever done but it was necessary in order to find yourself.
“I didn’t tell you everything,” you quietly tell him, eyes dropping to look at the wooden floor instead of him.
You feel his eyes on you, heavy and filled with longing, hurt and love.
“I knew you’d never let me go if I told you everything,” you continue when he stays silent. “I lost myself, Tae… And I knew as long as I wasn’t at peace with myself, I wouldn’t be able to love you the way you deserved.”
You take a chance and look up, your eyes meeting his in an instant. You feel your heart skip a beat, a pain so strong it’s almost unbearable shooting through your body. Taehyung’s eyes are glossy as he watches you make your way to where he sits on the couch. You kneel in front of him, your hands finding his in a weak attempt to comfort him but you know nothing could possibly remove the two years of pain and anger he’s been through.
He stays quiet, eyes skimming your face as you sit in front of him.
“Leaving you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do,” you softly tell him and feel a tightness in your throat. You bite back the tears but your voice betrays you as you speak up again. “And while… While trying to figure my shit out, I realized that you and I–”
Taehyung’s hands engulf yours, fingers slipping through yours to intertwine them. Pain is etched onto his face as you sniffle, one of his hands reaching up to wipe away the one teardrop that managed to escape just now.
“I realized that you and I were the only thing in my life that actually made sense but it was too late.”
“Baby…” Taehyung begins, the nickname leaving him before he can think about it and the appropriateness of it.
You shake your head, “I left you, Tae. I left and, like you said, I fled the country like a coward when all I had to do was talk to the people around me and find another way.”
The tears won’t stop coming at this point and it’s then Taehyung realizes that it was never about him. It has always been about you and how you felt; not your feelings for him but for yourself. If only you had talked to him, reached out to him and asked for help – he would’ve stepped in and done whatever it would take to make you happy again.
“I’m really sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you,” you cry, the sheer realization of just how much unnecessary pain you’ve caused him seems like the worst thing you ever could’ve done. You hurt the man you love and now it’s hurting you – well-deserved one might say. “God, you must hate me so much.”
“No, hey,” Taehyung calls softly, cupping your face and wiping your tears away. You look up at him, tear-filled eyes meeting his glossy ones. He smiles at you through the build-up tears in his dark brown eyes. “I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.”
“But–”
He shakes his head, “sure, I’m pissed at you for leaving. But I could never hate you, _____.”
The way he says it with such tenderness and softness makes your bottom lip quiver, fresh tears coming to the surface but it’s not an issue – Taehyung wipes them away with the pads of his thumbs, smiling softly at you. Why he’s comforting you rather than kicking you out of his home is a mystery to you, one you probably won’t ever solve. But you’ll take it, the feeling of his hands touching you again similar to the feeling of finally drinking water again after spending days in the desert. Or when you finally get to sleep after a really, really long and stressful day.
Comforting. Healing. Loving. 
“I’m sorry,” you softly say, voice so quiet and soft as if the atmosphere would break into a million pieces if you spoke any louder. Your heart is beating hard, thundering at 110 miles per hour. Taehyung is leaning closer, a magnetic pull between him and you causing him to do so. It’s impossible to stay away, especially after you sat down in front of him.
Taehyung huffs out a soft chuckle, the air brushing your lips. He whispers, “stop apologizing.”
“Sorry,” you whisper, causing Taehyung to let another chuckle escape before softly, carefully pressing his lips to yours. 
The world stops spinning and your heart stops beating for a second, the feeling of Taehyung’s lips on yours so familiar you might start crying again. It’s like returning home after years of chaotic traveling, the familiarity of it so comforting and perfect. You sigh deeply, melting against him, hands gripping his forearms as if to support yourself. Then a soft moan escapes you and Taehyung tilts his head to deepen the kiss, tongue brushing your bottom lip before slipping inside and touching yours, warm and wet and so addicting.
In need of more, you get up and push him back on the couch. He welcomes you onto his lap, pulling you closer, hands gripping your waist tightly, fingertips digging into your sides. The kisses you share are soft, passionate, and filled with words and affection you’ve kept inside for two years. Things you never got to say and affection you never got to show – all of it being poured into the kisses, deep and scorching hot.
Your arms lock around his neck, pulling him so close your noses are squishes together. He moans against your lips when your hips sink down on him, grinding against him. He feels himself grow harder, blood rushing to his cock in seconds as you continue your movements. 
“Tae…” You whimper softly when his hands slide underneath your top, warm palms sliding over the expanse of your back, nails digging into your skin. “Need you– please…”
In reality, you’re not his to touch and kiss. You haven’t been for two years. When this weekend is over, you’ll both go back to your everyday lives, return to reality – realities where neither of you are in each other’s. 
“What about Jinyoung?” Taehyung can’t help but ask, pulling away just enough to look you in the eyes.
“He went back home this morning,” you tell him, your words causing a sliver of hope to appear in Taehyung’s chest. You smile softly, fingers playing with the curly strands of black hair at the back of his neck. You shrug with a sigh, “he asked about us, I told him the truth. He left.”
“What truth?”
The question is careful but Taehyung needs to know.
“That I’m still in love with you,” you quietly admit.
If you can’t feel the harsh beating of Taehyung’s heart, you surely must be able to hear it. It’s pounding against his rib cage, making it hard for him to breathe as he stares at you. A million thoughts are running through his mind but the only thing he can focus on is the overwhelming urge to kiss you like the world is ending, worship you and make up for lost time.
“I don’t blame you if you can’t forgive me for what I did,” you softly say. “But I hope you’ll give me a chance to-“
Taehyung cuts you off by crashing his mouth to yours; desperate, needy, eager and rushed. A whimpering moan escapes you and travels into his mouth, goosebumps rising upon his skin at the pretty sound.
“I forgive you,” he says between kisses as he pushes your jacket off your shoulders. You help him get rid of it, lips never leaving his as you continue to kiss. You have two years to catch up on – two years equals a lot of kisses and a lot of making love. You inhale deeply when he pulls away, hand gripping your jaw to make you look at him. His eyes stare into yours, dark and filled with so many emotions you can barely keep track. “Don’t make me regret it.”
You shake your head, “I won’t. I promise.”
“Good,” he whispers before pulling you back in for more, unable to stop for long.
The next clothing items to go are your top and his t-shirt as you tug it up and over his head, throwing it to the floor along with your jacket. Taehyung lets out a breathless moan against your mouth when you slide your hands up his abdomen, fingertips brushing over his chest and nipples. He groans as your nails dig into his skin, hands tightly gripping onto your thighs in a wordless response.
“Lay down,” he tells you, voice raspy from making out.
With one last soft kiss to his lips, you do as told. You lay down on the couch, watching him as he gets up on his feet, getting rid of his sweatpants. His eyes roam your body, grazing your skin and curves, taking it all in while feeling a wave of memories washing over him. It brings a feeling he can’t quite pinpoint to his chest, heart tightening as you offer him a soft smile.
Home.
That’s what he feels.
He finally feels at home again after two years of feeling like he didn’t belong in this new apartment of his; an apartment he found a few months after you left. He couldn’t stand being in the one you used to share because it didn’t feel like a home anymore. It’s when you sit up on the couch, your hand reaching for his to bring him back to you, that he realizes that no place will ever feel like home unless you’re there.
You’re his home – he belongs with you.
And you belong with him.
“Come back to me,” you whisper softly when he crawls onto the couch, hovering over you. His eyes shift between yours, three words he hasn’t said out loud to anyone but you at the tip of his tongue. “Tae…–”
“I love you.”
Your words get trapped in your throat, heart beating wildly in your chest as the three magical words bring a new kind of warmth to your entire body.
“I love you too.”
The rest is a blur – the way he kisses you deeply and passionately like it’s the last time, the sound of your pretty moans reaching his ears like a melody he’ll never get tired of, the feeling of his hands on your body, caressing you, taking you in and remembering everything about you; every dip and curve of your body. Every uneven texture of your skin, every dimple and small spot that makes you you.
“You’re mine,” he rasps against your chest as he trails it with kisses, your bra no longer covering you, giving him free access to all of you. His lips brush your nipple, another delicate moan escaping your lips at the feeling. “You’ve always been mine, haven’t you?”
“Yes– Oh my god,” You gasp, surprise shooting through you as he wraps his lips around a nipple, sucking. Your back arches into him as one of his hands cups the other breast, squeezing and caressing it in the most caring way possible.
That’s the thing about Taehyung – he can be rough both verbally and physically but he knows how you like it and he never strays far away from it. He’ll caress your body and worship it like you’re a goddess while arousing you with his words, dirty words falling from his lips without a struggle. It’s the perfect mix of everything; the best of both worlds basically.
You whimper softly when he tugs at your nipple with his teeth before letting go, leaving it wet and swollen as he moves further down your naked body. Your legs spread automatically when he reaches your core, his mouth hovering above your heat as he glances up at you. A small smirk spreads across his face as he watches you run your hands over your stomach and all the way up to cup your own breasts. You bite your lip, eyes closed as you await his touch.
“Tell me, baby,” he hums, leaving a soft kiss on your hip bone. “Did you miss this?”
You hum in response, fingers pinching your nipples as you feel his breath on your core.
“Words,” he reminds you, “I need your words.”
Your eyes peep open to glance down at him, the sight of him between your legs, messy and curly hair and swollen, plump lips twisted into a teasing smirk enough to cause you to let out a soft moan.
“Yes,” you tell him, breathlessly. “I missed you, missed your touch– please, Tae…”
The sound of you begging for him to touch you causes a feeling of pride to fill his entire body, the smirk on his face turning into a grin. He hums in satisfaction, leaning down to press a soft, careful kiss to your folds. You whimper softly, the hints of whine following.
“I’ll be honest,” the air from his words brushes your soaked core, a shiver running through your body. His hands tighten around your thighs as he brings them over his shoulders to pull you closer to his face. “I missed having you like this, too.”
Before you can even think of a response to his confession, his mouth is on you. You gasp in surprise, hands reaching for him to grab his hair, the couch, his hand – anything. Taehyung offers one of his hands, locking it with yours. Your fingers slip between his, your grip tight as he eats you out, his tongue licking your folds. You’re whimpering above him, the feeling of his tongue flicking your clit over and over again before he sucks it causing your moans to become higher and more whiny as he works you closer to the edge.
“Fuck,” you cry, thighs trembling as you feel your orgasm coming. Taehyung keeps your legs spread open with his free hand, his grip on you so strong you’re unable to escape the overwhelming feeling of an orgasm. “Tae, I’m close– fuckfuckfuck–”
An immense wave of pleasure washes over you, a guttural moan leaving your pretty lips as you tumble over the edge, abdomen tightening as you come. Taehyung moans against you as he continues to help you through it, licking up your juices, the slurping noises lewd and explicit enough to bring a heat to your face.
You’re trying to catch your breath, a smile on your face as Taehyung crawls back up. You sigh deeply as he leans down and presses a row of kisses onto your jaw and cheek, one of his hands sliding up your thigh.
“You feeling okay?” He asks, face inches from yours as his eyes meet yours.
You nod, smiling, “I feel great.”
He smiles softly as he leans down, connecting his mouth with yours. You’re able to taste yourself on his tongue as it brushes yours, the taste arousing and dirty but so hot, you might lose your mind.
“Wanna be inside you,” he groans as he grinds against you, the only thing keeping him from slipping inside being his boxers. His cock twitches in its confinements, eager to be let free, eager to be buried deeply within your warmth. “Wanna make love to you, baby– show you how much I’ve missed you…”
“Do it, Tae,” you urge him on, hands reaching for the waistband of his boxers, “show me.”
With his help, you manage to free his hard cock, his boxers ending up on the floor with the rest of your discarded clothes. Your hand wraps around his length, a soft groan escaping his lips as he drops his head to your shoulder. You pump him a few times before guiding the tip to your entrance, softly gasping when you feel it nested between your folds.
Taehyung takes over, replacing your hand with his own. Your arms snake around his neck, pulling him closer, lips catching his in a kiss. He takes this as his chance to slip inside, pushing against your entrance until he’s past your folds. You both moan against each other’s mouth as he sinks inside, the length and girth of him stretching you out. He moves slowly, sliding further inside inch after inch, carefully.
“Fuck, baby,” he groans once he bottoms out, every inch of him engulfed by your warm walls. His breathing is ragged as he stays still for a moment. “I’ll never get used to this.”
You smile at his comment, wrapping your legs around his waist. 
“Well, you better,” you tell him. “Because this time it’s forever.”
His heart skips a beat in his chest before he huffs out a strained laugh, the feeling of your walls tightening around him making it difficult for him to get words out.
“Is that a challenge or a promise?”
You shrug and smirks playfully, leaning up to kiss the corner of his mouth, “a challenging promise.”
He scoffs in amusement but doesn’t say anything in return. Instead he pulls out, leaving just the tip inside before thrusting back inside of you, hard and precise. The action leaves you gasping, back arching as he hits a sweet spot within you. He continues the action, pulling out and thrusting back in over and over again, fucking you hard but slow, his shaft brushing against your clit for every thrust.
“Fuck– feels good,” you whimper as he hooks a hand underneath your leg to change the angle of his thrusts. Your mouth falls open as he slides in even deeper, his tip hitting that sweet spot repeatedly.
“Yeah?” He watches you nod, teeth digging into your bottom lip as you suppress a moan. “Did he ever have you like this, huh? Did he ever make you feel like this?”
Taehyung knows expecting you to not have been with anyone since you broke up is a long stretch. The only thing that bothers him is if you’ve been with the one man he met and talked to last night. The thought of you and him together brings a bitter taste to his mouth and he just needs you to deny it.
The sudden possessive tone of his words has your heart beating faster. He doesn’t have to mention any name for you to know who he’s referring to. Like you said when you first talked to Taehyung at the party, you and Jinyoung’s relationship was nothing serious, very new and not intimate at all. You had barely kissed him properly – something held you back every time it would take a turn into something more.
The look in Taehyung’s eyes tells you he needs to know. He needs to know if you ever gave that part of yourself to Jinyoung.
“No,” you tell him, keeping eye contact as you answer him, hoping it’ll give him the peace of mind that he needs. Taehyung’s face softens as he lets his forehead drop to yours, his breath clashing against your face. You cup his face, thumbs brushing over his jawline where faint stubble is starting to appear. “He didn’t.”
The relief that runs through Taehyung’s body is evident in his kiss as he connects his mouth with yours, his free hand reaching up to grab one of yours. He intertwines your hands, bringing it above your head as he returns to the task at hand – getting you both to the edge. 
The constant touch of his tip to a certain spot within you has you reaching another orgasm faster than you’re prepared for. It washes over you in huge waves, running through your body with such force your walls tighten around him. Taehyung moans deeply, his thrusts becoming uneven as he, too, reaches his high. Soft words of encouragement reach his ear as he drops his head to your shoulder. Your fingers slide into his thick, black hair while your other hand tightens its grip around his.
He lowly groans as he stills within you, spurts of hot and white cum painting your walls as he comes, “shit–”
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Hours later you’re watching Taehyung’s fingers play with yours as he holds your hand up in the air, both of you watching it as a comfortable silence surrounds you. It’s nice – to be cuddled up with him again after so long. You didn’t realize just how much you had missed him until you saw him last night. But despite the blissful atmosphere, there’s still an underlying tension of something that you need to talk about. Whether it’s your guilt for leaving or his regret for not fighting more is unknown.
“I wish I could go back in time,” you suddenly break the silence.
“Why do you say that?”
Taehyung brings your hand down, intertwining them instead as he leaves them to lay on top of the blanket covering your naked bodies. You continue to stare at your intertwined hands, wondering how it’s possible to match so perfectly with someone only for you to leave for two years despite them being where you belong.
“I wish I could go back and do it differently.”
Taehyung stays quiet for a moment before speaking up, “you can’t change the past, baby.”
His voice is delicate and soft, comforting.
“I know,” you sigh. “I just hate that I caused you so much pain. It was unnecessary and uncalled for. I should’ve just talked to you about it instead.”
“I think a lot of things could’ve been avoided if we had just talked about it but like I said… You can’t change the past,” he carefully grabs your chin to make you look at him. “Besides, we found our way back, right? We got a second chance at this, at us. Let’s make the best of it, yeah?”
A smile spreads across your face as you lean up and kiss him, the kiss soft yet deep and filled with the things you still haven’t said; apologies, I love you’s, promises and everything in between.
Taehyung sighs deeply against your lips, cupping your face, “I missed kissing you.”
You can’t help but grin against his mouth, “keep doing it then.”
“Oh, I’m planning on it,” he tells you, a squeal escaping you as he rolls over, trapping you beneath him. He dips down and kisses you again, this time with more force and eagerness.
That great love in life that everyone keeps talking about is really not worth much if it’s not with the right person. Taehyung used to believe that there was only one true love for everyone. Two years ago, he lost all belief in that. There was no point in looking for that great, true love because he already had it and he lost it. And even if there is more than one true love for everyone, he wouldn’t want it if it’s not you.
It seems his beliefs have been restored.
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all rights reserved © mercurygguk, 2022. copying and/or reposting any of my work on any platform is NOT allowed. translations are NOT allowed.
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kaciidubs · 4 months
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Stupid in Love
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❣ Summary: Perhaps they call it falling in love because you never truly stop falling. ❣  ❣ Word Count: 813 ❣ Warnings: Tooth-rotting fluff, Hyunjin fell hard for you, genuinely just fluff and love ❣  ❣ Female! Reader [No use of Y/N] | You/Your pronouns ❣  ❣ Additional Tags: Hyunjin is referred to as Hyune, Reader is referred to as My Love, I suggest listening to 'Stupid in Love' by MAX, featuring Yunjin, it's what inspired this whole thing ❣ Stray Kids Masterlist ❣ General Masterlist
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Hyunjin was smitten.
Truly, utterly smitten, infatuated, head over heels, down bad, and stupidly, stupidly in love.
Love was a concept that was both foreign and familiar, something he knew he’d felt before but in the same breath, something he had no working experience with - which only seemed to make things worse.
Love wasn’t black and white turning to color, it was his already extensive color palette expanding with new, vibrant hues and shades he hadn’t been able to create on his own.
With you, he felt like he was walking on clouds, dancing in the drizzling rain as the sun shone through the droplets to cast the most beautiful, vibrant rainbow across the blue sky. At the same time, he felt like he was a newborn deer discovering the world on new, wobbly legs, going about everything with an air of curiosity and wonder that had his heart leaping at every turn.
Complex and simple, it made his head spin as he tried to make himself understand the feelings he was experiencing, though the only suitable conclusion he could ever come to was the simple fact that he was in love with you.
You, who giggled when he stumbled over his words while introducing himself.
You, who agreed to go on a date with him a mere three weeks after meeting, on the only condition that you would plan out the date.
You, who he found himself calling his girlfriend within the blink of an eye, and in the next blink you were both two years and a few months deep, and going strong.
You, you, you.
“...and I figured making chocolate covered fruits would be better than attempting to make an entire cake from scratch, even though Felix swore he and Seungmin could bake with their eyes closed - I’ve seen their lives before! There’s no way they’re baking anywhere near my kitchen.”
Hyunjin blinked, his subconscious floating back down to earth as he watched you wander through your kitchen with no clear goal in sight, simply rummaging through cabinets as you spoke.
Truly, he wished he could remember what spurred this conversation - he loved the sound of your voice, and it felt counterintuitive that his wandering mind would distract him from one of his favorite sounds in the world.
However, his disappointment would disappear as fast as it arrived as you turned to him, a dazzling smile holding your lips and dancing in your eyes.
“So, what d’you think we should do for valentine’s this year, Hyune?”
It would be your third Valentine's Day together, and though you both celebrated each other often, the day of love was reserved for grander gestures to keep the social tradition alive.
Pushing himself away from the island counter, he sauntered over to you before wrapping you in his arms, swooping in to steal a feather-light kiss from your lips; pulling back just enough to bask in the sight of your lidded eyes gazing up at him.
“Let’s get married.”
You ducked your head, an astonished laugh bursting past your lips, “You- What?!” Endless giggles shook your shoulders as you looked up at him once more, winding your arms around his shoulders, “Hyunjin, really!”
“Yeah, really.” He pressed, a lovesick smile curving the corners of his lips, “Let’s get married, we can go to Vegas and get it done right then and there.” Of course, he knew his suggestion was mostly in jest, but his sentiments were as true as the sky being blue.
He wanted to marry you, if not now, then sometime down the line - he wanted to be your last love.
Humming as if contemplating his offer, you tilted your head, “How about matching tattoos first? I have a feeling neither one of us would want a Vegas wedding.”
“Oh?” Now it was his turn to tilt his head, a strand of black hair tickling his forehead, “And what type of wedding were you thinking about, my love?”
“I don’t know…”
The tone of your voice was sing-song-ish - facetious, leading, and sugar coated - and he was hanging on with a bated breath.
“I was thinking… Paris?” Your teasing smile threatened to break into a full on grin as his eyes widened a margin, before they narrowed with mirth.
Arms tightening around your waist, his lips found yours in an instant, “Matching tattoos,” he hummed breathlessly, before catching your lips in a slower, deeper kiss, “then matching rings.”
Nodding, your fingers danced in the hair at the nape of his neck as you blinked up at him with adoration, “I definitely wouldn’t mind sharing your last name, Mr. Hwang.”
Hyunjin grazed his nose along yours, reveling in your smell, your touch, you, you, you.
“I’ll give it to you as fast as I can, Mrs. Hwang.”
Hyunjin was smitten.
Truly, utterly smitten, infatuated, head over heels, down bad, and stupidly, stupidly in love with you.
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✧. ┊Tagged lovelies: @having-an-internal-crisis-rn, @midnightfrog625, @anyhow-everything, @bangchanbabygirlx, @sweetracha, @nightimescapes , @caitlyn98s , @ch4nn13luv , @ihrtlix , @jeonjungkookenthusiast1997 , @maximumkillshot , @y-ur--i , @acker-night , @dreamescapeswriting , @specialstay , @s00buwu , @tinyelfperson , @jj-stay , @katsukis1wife , @inlovewithmusician , @keen-li , @armystay89 , @main-character0 , @vampcharxter , @ddyskz , @prettymiye0n , @bbgnyx , @ivyisnotokay, @bahng-chrizz , @milknhoneyracha , @hann1bee , @palindrome969 , @newhope8 , @softkissfelix , @luvyev , @luminouskalopsia , @kpopsstuffs , @luvyev , @starquokka , @wolfs-howling , @laylasbunbunny , @zaethefangirl, @broken-glowsticks, @j-onedrabbles, @dawninnie, @dwaekkistar, @junglyric, @piercedddriver, @sometimesleeknows,
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egcdeath · 1 year
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kith and kin
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pairing: joel miller x f!reader (pairing from the soccer parents AU)
summary: your parents finally meet joel in the midst of celebrating your daughter’s birthday. 
word count: 8.3k
warnings: brief mention of past abuse, a little tough love from reader’s mom, no use of y/n, cursing, alternate universe: no apocalypse, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, joel is a little anxious, your daughters are sassy, very lightly edited
author’s note: i’ve had the worst writers block recently, but i love this pairing too much to let them go. feel free to send me any requests!
previous part / series masterlist
Joel paced back and forth in your bedroom, the padded sound of his socks hitting the floor pleasant at first but was becoming a bit of an annoyance by the tenth consecutive minute of the sound of pacing.
Chloe’s birthday was in just a few days and your parents had rented out a cabin on Canyon Lake, inviting you and one of her friends to come along. Seeing as you’d been together for around a year now and that there was no better time than the present, you figured it was probably about time for Joel to meet your parents.
“Joel,” you finally said sternly, zipping up your suitcase and looking up at your partner. “Relax, honey. They’re gonna love you. I mean, they’re gonna have to love you since I love you. That’s how it works, right?” you walked over to him and gently grabbed the bottom of his shirt, pulling him into what you hoped would be a reassuring kiss.
“I don’t know,” he murmured, pressing his forehead against yours. “What if they don’t think I’m good for you?”
“Well, this may be breaking news to you, but we’re not living in the 1700’s. We don’t exactly need my parents’ approval to have a relationship.”
Joel walked away from you, grabbing his own bag from where it laid on the floor. “I know, it’s just�� I want them to like me. I don’t want you to have to feel like you needed to choose between me and your family and secretly resent me for years over that.”
“Maybe let’s unpack that last part some other time. But you’re so likable and charming, they’d have to be crazy to not like you.”
“I admire your belief in me, but it’s been well over a decade since I’ve had to meet and woo someone’s parents. What if I’m rusty?”
“Don’t be rusty, just be yourself!” you tried, smiling at your own terrible dad joke.
“Ha, ha,” his laughter was forced and monotone.
“Not the time?” You knew it was bad when Joel didn’t even respond to one of his beloved dad jokes.
“Sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry about. But everything is gonna go great, okay? And if not, you have a few days to make them love you, yeah?”
“You’re right,” he admitted reluctantly, seemingly just wanting to move on from the conversation. “You ready to go?”
“I am. Are you?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
When you arrived at the cabin, your parents were sat on the front porch, seemingly deep in their own conversation before noticing your car pulling up.
Chloe was quick to hop out of the car, excited to see her grandparents. Given that they were practically attached at the hip, Sarah followed close behind Chloe, with the pair receiving hugs from your parents as they greeted the girls.
Still firmly seated in the car, Joel took a deep, yet shaky breath, giving you an idea of just how nervous he was to be meeting your parents. Wanting to give the man a bit of reassurance, you grabbed ahold of his slightly trembling hand and squeezed it hard.
“I promise you have nothing to worry about. You’re gonna have a great time, and my parents are probably gonna love you more than they love me. Got it?” you asked firmly, trying to sound sure of yourself despite the minor nerves you were facing yourself.
“Got it,” Joel parroted, although he didn’t exactly sound sure of himself.
“C’mon,” you beckoned, unstrapping yourself before getting out of the car. After a very subtle moment of reluctance, Joel’s door opened and your partner stepped out of your car as well.
The moment he got out of the car, you grabbed his hand, squeezing it once again as a small demonstration of your support before leading him up to the porch.
The girls were already making their way inside when you finally reached your parents, your mom giving you a tight hug and setting her head on your shoulder.
“It’s been too long,” she declared as she squeezed you for a few more beats, finally pulling away to analyze the man you had brought with you. “And who is this?”
“Mom, Dad, this is Joel. He’s Sarah’s dad,” you stepped back to wrap your arm around Joel, a slightly territorial move to show your parents that whatever you had going on was serious. “He’s also my boyfriend.”
“Nice to meet you, Joel” your mother greeted, shaking Joel’s hand and maintaining a somewhat loaded eye contact with him. She smiled at him, but her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.
Your dad didn’t even bother with the pleasantries, giving Joel’s hand a firm squeeze and one solid shake. Both of your parents looked rather skeptical of the man, but you hoped that the stern look you were offering them was warning enough for your parents to behave around your boyfriend.
As everyone left to put away their luggage, you stayed downstairs with your mother, who indicated she wanted to have a separate conversation with you.
“What’s up?” you asked her, crossing your arms over your chest defensively in anticipation of what she might say. Based on that loaded interaction on the porch, you already had a good idea of where this conversation is going.
“Is this the Joel from Chloe’s soccer games?”
Shit. The one time your parents remember the name of someone you disliked just happens to be the one time you bring them home.
“Oh, I didn’t realize you remembered that,” you attempted to casually brush off. “It is.”
“The one you couldn’t stand?” your mother pressed, her brows furrowing as she looked at you with what seemed like disbelief.
“That was a while ago! Before our kids got closer and I got to know him better. And really it wasn’t even like I couldn’t stand him, it was more like he mildly annoyed me and we would argue sometimes. Even then, I kinda just had a crush on him. That’s why I told you guys about him in the first place. Notice how you don’t know the names of anyone else on the team who I don’t like?” you spoke quickly as you attempted to justify what you’d told your parents in the past.
“Stop. Just stop,” your mother rubbed the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. Growing up, you were all too familiar with that move of exasperation. “Why do you keep doing this?”
“Doing… what?” you said meekly, almost scared of what was going to come next.
“Finding men that don’t treat you right. Men who aren’t good for you?”
Oh. So that was what this was about. It was less about Joel, and more about your parents not trusting you to take care of yourself.
One of your biggest fears after exiting your relationship with Nathan laid in the ways that people would treat you after finding out you had stayed in a relationship that was abusive. Sure, there was the sympathy that always came with finding out about someone’s past trauma, but then there was the judgment that came with finding out you stayed. You knew people would question your ability to take care of yourself and your daughter, and you knew people would question your ability to find a significant other who didn’t end up toxic. It shouldn’t have surprised you that your mother was grilling you like this—after all, it was her that you turned to on nights where you had nowhere else to go, bringing your daughter to her home on days where things with Nathan got particularly tough.
“No! No, no, no,” you protested, emotions that had spent far too long simmering on the back burner beginning to come forward. “Joel is the best thing to happen for me in a long time.”
“Honey,” your mom sighed and looked at you with what could only be described as pity. Frankly, it made you want to crawl out of your skin. “You sound just like a teenager again, defending Nathan.”
You nearly had a visceral reaction at the comparison of Joel to Nathan. You just wished your mother could understand that even though she may have heard some of the things you’d been through, that you had lived through those things, and you would never make that kind of mistake again.
“Mom, Joel is nothing like Nathan,” you expressed passionately. “He’s an amazing partner and he may have only been in Chloe’s life for a short bit of time, but he’s a far better father to her than Nathan’s ever been.”
“I want to believe you, and I am going to give him a chance. But just know that things even seem like they might go South, your father and I will be fighting tooth and nail to keep Chloe safe. You’re an adult; you can make your own decisions, but we won’t let her go through something like that again.”
You understood the implication of her statement and frowned. You knew that your parents just wanted the best for you and your daughter, but this whole thing just made you feel like a child. Why were you being punished for being a victim? Did your parents really trust you so little? Little enough to think that you would intentionally put your daughter in harm’s way?
“Okay,” you uttered, defeat evident in your tone. “But there’s nothing to worry about with Joel.”
“I certainly hope so,” your mother said with a sense of finality.
You found yourself sitting by the lake as Joel played with the kids, deep in thought as you pondered the situation. Maybe inviting Joel was a bad idea. Your parents clearly weren’t happy and your partner certainly wasn’t comfortable. At the very least, the girls seemed to be excited to spend some time on a little vacation with the man.
Chloe ran over to you, pulling your attention away from the cyclical motion of the water as it approached and receded over and over again.
“Come look at our sandcastles! They’re really detailed,” she said excitedly, grabbing your hand and attempting to pull you up. Her excitement was contagious, causing you to completely disregard all the negative feelings you’d been stewing in after your conversation with your mother in favor of adopting some of your daughter’s enthusiasm.
“Okay, okay, I’m coming,” you laughed, following your daughter out to the shore as she practically ran all the way over to her creation.
You squat down next to Sarah and set your hand on your brow so you could protect your eyes from the sun as you looked upon the three sandcastles in front of you.
“Well, what do you think?” Sarah asked, her tone just as excited as Chloe’s.  
“I am very impressed. Great work, guys,” you expressed, beaming at the people around you.
“But which one is your favorite?” your daughter asked, shooting you a cheeky look that you were becoming all too familiar with.
“They’re all my favorite,” you replied, evaluating the castles.
“Boo,” Sarah jeered, clearly hoping for a better answer. “Which one is your actual favorite?”
“Hmm,” you fake-pondered aloud, bringing your free hand to your chin to make you seem like you were far deeper in thought than you actually were.
“We don’t have all day, mom,” Chloe commented, setting a hand on her hip.
“Hey! Good deliberation takes time,” you replied. Given that everyone was sitting by their own castle, it wasn’t very hard to pick out which one belonged to your boyfriend. Seeing as you were in the mood to mess around, you proudly declared Joel’s castle as your favorite, despite his castle not looking so hot.  
“That one,” you said, trying to hide entertainment on your face as you pointed to the least technically impressive castle. Joel’s expression matched yours as he clearly bit back an entertained smirk.
“Whaaat? C’mon, I have a moat!” Chloe gasped, throwing a hand over her heart to show just how offended she was.
“And I have a mermaid! What does his have that ours doesn’t?” Sarah protested as she gestured over at her sand mermaid.
“She’s just biased because they’re in love or whatever,” Chloe scoffed. “Don’t worry, Sare. You’re a winner in my eyes.”
“Aw, stop, I love yours too!” Sarah grinned, going in to hug her friend as the two began to compliment aspects of each other’s sandcastles.
You couldn’t wipe the smile off of your face if you tried. Somehow, being around your little found family always made you feel a bit better. Even if your parents didn’t approve and never came around to Joel, that didn’t change the fact that you genuinely were happy with the man, and even happier with the blended family you’d created.
“Girls!” your mom yelled from inside, drawing all of your attention away from the beach and towards her booming voice. “Lunch is ready!”
“I’ll race you back inside?” Sarah offered. Chloe was off on her feet before she could even respond.
You and Joel took your time getting back to the house, walking slowly as you filled him in on your mother’s one-on-one confrontation with you. Despite the joy in the moment just prior, the reality check of having to deal with your parents had brought both of your moods back down rather quickly.
“I don’t think your parents like me very much,” Joel admitted to you, a hint of shame in his voice.
“I-“ you wanted to lie to him, to at least bring a little comfort to your boyfriend who had been worried sick about your parents not liking him. “It’s not your fault, it’s Nathan’s. They think I… they basically think I have a type. It doesn’t help that they think I used to hate you.”
“Fuck,” Joel exclaimed quietly, looking away from you. “I’m sorry, I just… I want them to like me. I’m already so nervous, I feel like I’m gonna shit a fucking brick. How can I make them like me?”
“Just be yourself, okay? And relax. I’m gonna love you regardless of whether or not my parents like you. Nothing's gonna change because of what my parents think of you. At the end of the day, I’m the one crawling in bed with you, not them. Who cares what they think?”
“I care. Deep down, you care too.”
“Joel, please,” you stopped and grabbed his hands, gently tugging him over to you. “I genuinely do not care. I love you. I love our family. Nothing is going to change that, okay? Nothing.”
Joel looked at you anxiously, his eyes a bit more defeated than usual. The two of you made wordless eye contact, communicating something heartfelt without using one word.
“We’re gonna be okay, regardless of how this weekend turns out. Okay? Just be yourself and my parents will eventually come around. If they don’t, it’s their loss.”
The round table at the patio of the lake house had a shape that in any other setting you wouldn’t even really notice, but only seemed to create more tension in this particular context.
You sat next to Sarah and across from Chloe, who sat next to your mother. It just so happened that Joel and your father were sitting across from each other at the table, and you could already feel the stare down just waiting to happen.
“So Chlo, what are you wishing for for your birthday?” your mom gently asked as your daughter took a bite of her food.
“Hmm,” she hummed as she thought. “I don’t really know. And if I did know, I wouldn’t tell you! Remember, wishes don’t come true if you tell people. But I am very happy to be here with everyone. So maybe my unofficial wish is to have more family time.”
“That is a great wish, Bug,” your dad agreed. Sarah smiled mischievously at the nickname and Chloe threw her a playful glare.
“So how is school going, ladies?” your mom asked them, looking between Sarah and Chloe.
You glanced over at Joel, mostly to make sure that he was doing okay under the pointed gaze of your father. Sweat beaded at his forehead and you weren’t quite sure if it was from the dry heat or from the daggers your dad was currently shooting at him.
Thankfully, your kids seemed to be blissfully unaware of the one-sided war going on at the table. You attempted to reach under the table and grab Joel’s hand, but the odd shape of the table didn’t allow for that. He was on his own for the duration of lunch.
The conversation mostly flowed between your mom, Chloe, and Sarah, with your father occasionally butting in to comment on something. All you could do was sit and watch while your dad grilled your boyfriend with only his eyes, with not one thing you could do about it.
Finally, it seemed like everyone had finished their meals, and that Joel could finally get up and be put out of his misery. But fate didn’t seem to be on his side, as he somehow wasn’t off the hook yet.
“Why don’t you all go try out one of the trails? Joel and I are gonna stay behind and do some dishes,” your dad proposed, making pointed eye contact with your boyfriend.
The girls happily agreed with the plan, excited and oblivious of the fear that had just coursed through yours and Joel’s veins with the idea of him being alone with your father.
“Hold on, ladies. You’re still wearing flip flops. How about you go change into better shoes, then we’ll go explore a trail. Sounds good?” you asked, hoping to buy yourself a moment of time to give Joel a pep talk.
Chloe nodded affirmatively and the two of them headed inside to change. At least you could have one private moment with Joel before he had to face off your father.
You stood up and pushed in your chair before grabbing Joel’s hand and squeezing his slightly shaking palm as hard as you could.
“You’ll be okay. Just relax,” you said under your breath so that your parents wouldn’t notice. “Remember, you can’t say the wrong thing. Even if they despise you, I’ll still love you. Okay?”
“Okay,” Joel agreed, although he didn’t seem completely convinced.
“You got this,” you reiterated, letting go of Joel’s hand as the girls came back outside, talking about some show they’d been watching.
When you glanced away, your father had begun picking up plates, looking at Joel like he expected him to be doing the same. That was your cue to leave.
You mouthed good luck at Joel before your mother ushered you all away. You had no idea how your dad was going to act around your boyfriend, but you certainly hoped for his sake that he wouldn’t be too terrible.
After you and the girls left, Joel and your father picked up the dishes outside in silence, with Joel focusing on finding his composure and maintaining it, and your father being completely unreadable.
Joel politely opened the door for the man, even with his hands filled with plates, cups, and silverware. Your father simply gave Joel a curt nod rather than a verbal thank you.
He followed your father into the kitchen, trailing a few steps behind him before setting down the content of his full arms into the sink. Joel did his best not to overthink this interaction, but it was going to be his first one-on-one with one of your parents, and your father had already spent the past hour giving him a nasty glare.
The following silence was awkward and thick. Almost like those tension filled silences you and Joel had the first few times you were together with stakes that somehow felt even higher.
Joel stood at the sink, silently scrubbing away at a dish, hoping that an awkward silence would be the most of his woes that day, rather than any sort of verbal confrontation.
“You do the dishes often?” your dad asked out of the blue, breaking the awkward silence with an even more awkward question.  
“Uh,” he tried not to show how thrown off he was by the question. Maybe if Joel could treat the interaction as less of an interrogation and more of a way for your dad to get to know him a little better, things would be slightly less awkward. “I do. I mean, I’ve been a single dad for almost 13 years. Someone had to wash the dishes, and it wasn’t gonna be Sarah.” Joel chuckled awkwardly, but your father didn’t even crack a smile.
“So if you had a wife, she’d be doing the dishes?”
Joel was once again thrown off, this time by the accusatory tone your father had asked the question with. Joel tried to give the man a bit of grace—your dad was probably trying to get a good read on him, so he would try not to let it get under his skin too much.
“What? No! I-I never said that. We’d probably split our house chores. I mean, that’s what your daughter and I do.”
There. That was a good enough answer. Tell the truth while explaining why him and his daughter were a good pair.
“Oh?” your father began with the raise of a brow, setting down the dish he was working on. “Well, why don’t you have a wife?”
Joel was completely taken aback by the blunt question, but assumed it was fair enough game to ask about. He would probably wonder the same if he were in your father’s shoes.
“Uh, my last long-term partner left shortly after Sarah was born,” he answered quietly, afraid of the judgment that your father may pass upon him, and slightly ashamed to admit what happened in the past.  
“Oh,” if Joel wasn’t mistaken, it almost seemed like your father’s tone shifted, as if he wasn’t expecting that answer. “That sounds hard. Do you know why?”
It almost felt like that answer had humanized Joel the slightest bit in your fathers eyes.
“It’s a long story,” Joel dismissed, not particularly wanting to get into all the details at that very moment. “Leaving was better for her mental health.”
“Okay,” your father simply accepted, although Joel had a feeling that answer didn’t quite suffice.
“But things are better now, with your daughter around,” Joel added. “Sarah’s probably happier now than I’ve seen her in a long time. I can’t really speak for Chloe, but based on what I’ve been told, she’s been doing better too. It’s been really nice to finally have another parent around to be able to split duties with. I just wish I’d found your daughter earlier,” Joel gushed, hoping that your father would find his answer pleasing enough.
Your father was unresponsive to Joel’s statement, finishing up the last of the dishes before finally speaking again.
“You talk a lot,” your father said simply, turning off the water flow of the sink and turning to face Joel head on. “I’m not gonna beat around the bush here. I’m glad to hear that things are working well for you two right now. I don’t know how much you know about Nathan. I don’t particularly care how much you know either. What I do care about you knowing is that I will never see my daughter suffer like that again. Understand?”
Joel was taken aback by the abrupt change in tone, and just when he thought tensions between them were easing up. “Y-Yes, yeah I-“
“So if you ever put your hands on my daughter, or raise your voice even an octave higher than it needs to be at her, there will be hell to pay. Get it?”
“I do, uh, I get it,” Joel wasn’t even completely sure how he was supposed to be reacting to this sudden rant.
“I want you to say it. You’re not going to mistreat my daughter, and you’re not ever going to lay a finger on her. And god help you if you do anything to Chloe.”
“I swear. I swear I’ll never hurt your daughter or your granddaughter ever,” Joel’s words were rushed, and he swore he could hear his rushed heartbeat in his own ears. The sudden confrontation being jarring was an understatement, but he supposed that’s how your father intended it to be.
“Good. I’m going to hold you to that,” was all that your father said as turned to dry his hands off on a towel. “Thanks for helping with dishes.”
“No problem, sir,” Joel choked out, like his heart wasn’t still in his throat. He took that as an indication that he was dismissed, and he set down the things in his hand before walking back outside and heading straight to the lake—far away from your father.
As you were heading back from your hike, you were surprised to run into Joel. He looked slightly disheveled, but particularly relieved to see you. The girls seemed just as pleased to see him, talking his ear off all the way back to the lake house. You occasionally glanced over at your mother, trying to get some sort of read on her opinion of Joel, but it didn’t seem to be working.
“So what happened?” you asked as you stepped out of the bathroom, exchanging your towel for the soft pajamas you’d brought with you. “You seemed pretty shaken up after lunch.”
“Your dad just really grilled me,” Joel explained, turning off the lamp on his side of the bed as you flopped onto the mattress next to him.
“My dad can be an ass sometimes. I apologize,” you muttered, curling up beside Joel. “And I apologize for bringing you here. I didn’t know they were gonna be like this.”
“It’s not your fault,” Joel assured, hoping to bring you a little consolation.
“It is, though. I’m the one who suggested that you come. I wasn’t thinking,” you whispered as you set an arm and your head on top of Joel’s torso.
“They were gonna have to meet me eventually. Better now than at the wedding, right?” Joel quipped.
“Right,” you agreed, looking up from where you’d set your head on your partner’s chest. “Hold on, are you proposing to me right now?”
“No, not yet,” Joel began to backtrack.
“Good. You’ll need my parents’ blessing first,” you teased. “Too soon?”
“Maybe a little,” Joel stifled his laugh.
“Ugh, I’m exhausted,” you groaned. “I can’t even imagine how you feel.”
“Also exhausted, mixed with a little bit of defeated,” Joel sighed, looking up at the ceiling. “You meant it when you said you’ll love me even if your family doesn’t, right?”
“Of course!” you exclaimed, sitting up a little so you could make better eye contact with your boyfriend. “Of course I will love you even if they don’t,” you promised.
Joel still didn’t exactly look like he was buying it.
“Joel,” you began, tone stern and serious. “Every day, you make my life so much better. You bring me so many laughs and smiles, you’re always there when I need to rant, and you’re the most reliable person ever when it comes to parenting shit. You’re probably the best thing that’s happened to me since Chloe was born. So yes, it would be great if my parents loved you as much as I do. But until they figure that out, I could care less about their opinions.”
That answer finally seemed to resolve some of the insecurity Joel was feeling around wanting to impress your parents, as he didn’t bring it back up for the rest of the night.
It was far too early to be awake, but Joel was having a hard time sleeping. Sure, you peacefully snoozed next to him, and of course Joel was comforted by your sleeping presence, but despite the pep talk you gave him, the knowledge that your parents disliked him and that all of his fears had come to light weren’t allowing him to rest very well.
With not much else to do and an arm that was quickly falling asleep (thanks to your cuddling), Joel snuck out of bed and down the stairs. Maybe he could catch the sunrise on the lakefront.
As he made his way to the patio, he heard a few sounds coming from the kitchen, and went to investigate. He was surprised to find your mother already walking around the kitchen, seemingly making a coffee for herself.
“Morning,” Joel greeted, voice raspy as he announced his presence.
Your mom turned around and offered him a pressed smile. She clearly was not expecting visitors this early in the morning.
“Morning,” she repeated. “Would you like some coffee?”
“That would be great,” Joel smiled, sitting down at the kitchen table while your mother worked on putting together another mug.
“You an early riser?” your mom asked Joel, bringing a mug and some creamer over to him.
“Thank you. And no, not really. Your daughter and I usually trade off on who’s gonna wake up early and get the kids ready for school while the other gets to sleep in. I just couldn’t sleep all that well today,” Joel shrugged as he prepared his coffee just the way he liked it.
“That’s sweet,” she hummed, taking a sip from her drink.
Joel sipped his coffee as well, and found himself surprised at the quality of the drink. “This is really good,” he acknowledged. “Is this a pour-over?”
“It is! How did you know?” your mother sounded quite excited that you were able to identify any way of brewing coffee, let alone identifying how his drink was made from just one sip.
“I can taste the difference,” Joel explained.
“See! That’s what I’ve been telling my husband.”
“I also may or may not have seen your dripper. But from one coffee connoisseur to another, this is amazing coffee. I’ve always said a pour-over gets you the best flavor.”
“I completely agree! These new, fancy drip machines just don’t do coffee justice. Keurigs, Nespressos, they’re all hunks of junk to me.”
“Well someone gifted me a Nespresso for Valentine’s Day after seeing my dripper and calling it prehistoric. I use it, of course, but it doesn’t compare.”
“Since it was a gift, I can forgive that,” your mother laughed, taking a hearty sip. “Do you ever grind your own beans?”
“When I can,” Joel replied, thinking about the fresh bag of beans he had sitting on the counter back home.
“Ah! Good boy,” your mother exclaimed, clearly pleased with Joel’s answers. “You do any other special things in the kitchen?”
“Eh, not particularly. I do enjoy being in the kitchen, though. I mean, being a single parent, I didn’t really have many options but to learn how to cook since I didn’t have anyone else to carry me in that area. I will say, we’ve been baking more often. Turns out, I can make a pretty mean focaccia.”
“Baking? With my daughter? You sure you’re talking about the one upstairs? I swear I’ve been trying to get her to bake for years and she just… hates it! What’s your secret?”
“I don’t know. The honeymoon phase, maybe?”
Your mom laughed aloud at Joel’s joke. He had to hold himself back from beaming with pride. He could barely speak to this woman the day before, and now he was making her laugh?
“Whatever it is, bring some over next time. I need to be the judge of this ‘mean focaccia’.”
Next time? Thank god for not being able to sleep.
“Of course!” Joel said with what may have been a little too much enthusiasm. He sipped some coffee from his mug while he thought about something else to say to fill up the silence, but your mother began to speak once again.
“So Joel, I want to know more about you. Other than the fact that you raised an adorable kid, like coffee a lot, and used to argue with my daughter during the soccer season.”
“She told you about that?” Joel asked, unsure of how to react. He wanted to laugh at the fact that you’d shared that with your parents, either before your relationship began or recently as some sort of fun fact, but he was still walking on eggshells around your parents.
“Yeah,” your mom acknowledged. It almost seemed as if she wanted to be casual about it, but also was curious for a bit more context.
“It was a long time ago,” Joel explained as if he could make it better. “It was never anything serious.”
“Well, how did you go from arguing every week to… this?”
“After the girls became friends, they kept setting us up to do things together. After that, things progressed pretty naturally. I think we just clicked. Realized we’re a good team and like each other’s company. I mean, I really love her and Chloe. I’m really happy with our little family.”
“Family?” your mom questioned with raised brows and a tilt of her head.
Joel wondered if he’d said the wrong thing or overstepped some sort of boundary. “I mean, I guess. I would say we… function as a family?”
“So there’s no secret engagement or secret wedding I need to know about,” your mother probed.
“No! Not at all,” Joel confirmed, hoping to quell some of the concern that had seemed to find itself on her face.
“And you didn’t come here to get a blessing for an engagement?” she implored.
“No! This is only my first time meeting you guys. I mean, I’m more worried about making a good impression than getting your approval on our potential marriage. Besides, I’m not really sure she’s interested in marriage after…”
Your mother nodded as Joel trailed off, not needing him to finish his sentence to understand where he was going.
“How much has she told you about Nathan?” she queried, seeming to be even more curious about this question than she was about some of the previous questions.
“Bits and pieces. Some things I’ve inferred,” Joel answered.
“Yeah. It was pretty bad for her and Chlo,” your mother simply stated. “Maybe we’ll talk about it some other time. It might help you understand why my husband and I have been the way that we’ve been towards you.”
“No, I get it. If anyone I loved had to go through those things—let alone my daughter, I would react the same way. I’d probably be worse,” Joel stiffly chuckled into his drink. For a moment, Joel thought about punching Nathan. The perfect cathartic moment for hurting and harassing the woman he loves. He’d do it again. And he’d do it to any person who even attempted to hurt you, Sarah, or Chloe.
“I just want to wrap her up in bubble wrap,” your mother admitted. “I never want her to be hurt again, and I know it isn’t possible, but I just want to be so sure that she’ll never be hurt in that way again. I apologize for being hostile, but you understand, right?”
“Of course I do,” Joel said earnestly. “And if it’s any consolation, I would never, ever do anything to intentionally hurt her. I know what it’s like to have a wall built around your heart and to swear that you’ll never let anyone in again. Your daughter let me in, and I’d never want her to regret that.”
Your mom seemed to think for a moment, getting up and setting her mug in the sink before sitting back down across from Joel.
“Either you’re really manipulative, or you really love her. I’m gonna hope for all of our sakes it’s the latter.”
“I can guarantee that it is.”
“I’m gonna believe you. But only because I want to try that focaccia.” Though your mom stated that with the cadence of a joke, Joel couldn’t help but feel that there was some hint of truth behind her words. Sure, this conversation hadn’t fixed everything, but it seemed like she trusted him just a bit more.
You crept down the stairs, clearly trying to be quiet, but failing at doing so. You approached the kitchen and yawned aloud, attempting to alert Joel and your mother of your presence.
“Good morning,” you greeted the pair. “You better not be interrogating my boyfriend,” you told your mom as you sat down next to the man of the hour.
“Nothing of the sort. We were just talking about baking. Why didn’t you tell me you bake now? And why haven’t you baked with me?”
“I guess I just didn’t have the right pastry chef,” you chimed, stealing Joel’s mug and taking a sip of his coffee. “Did Joel tell you that we’ve been working our way up to sourdough? I just ordered some starter the other day.”
“Oh wow. You’re like a completely different person. I don’t even know you anymore.”
“Sorry,” you apologized insincerely.
“Does this mean you’ll start baking with me when you come home?”
“Sorry mom. I’m loyal to my pastry chef. Has he told you about his focaccia? It’s really good. We’ll bring it next time you invite us over.”
You pulled your chair a little closer to Joel’s and held his hand under the table, a simple reassurance that you were there, and you weren’t going to let your parents treat him any way he didn’t deserve to be treated.
“You are breaking my heart,” your mom said, clutching her chest jokingly. “Although you mended it when you mentioned bringing bread.”
Luckily, it seemed like this day had started off far better for everyone—but particularly your boyfriend and mother. The two of them were getting along swimmingly, working together to whip up breakfast, carrying the conversation throughout the meal, and even going on to converse while the girls played at the beach.
If nothing else, you were glad that Joel was growing on your mother. You still couldn’t really get a read on your father’s opinion of your boyfriend, but hopefully with your mom now on his side, she would be able to talk some sense into your father.
It just so happened that your parents had planned to set up a few things around the house in preparation for the birthday festivities for the following day, and your mother had somehow managed to talk Joel into helping them out with their preparation. Since your boyfriend would be setting up, you were tasked with distracting the girls with a day out on the town, leaving your boyfriend alone in the lake house with your parents.
As things seemed to be going well between your mother and Joel at the very least, you at least weren’t too worried about your parents shredding your partner to bits while you pampered the girls and took them shopping.
Despite this fact, you still checked in with your partner multiple times throughout the day, getting updates about things he was doing with your parents, or any particularly interesting conversations they’d had during the day. For the most part, things seemed to be going well, but as the evening began to come in, you began to hear less and less from Joel, making you the slightest bit worried.
Once you got back to the lake house, you were pleasantly surprised to hear the sound of laughter coming from the back patio, paired with the familiar scent of a bonfire. The girls seemed more than pleased to go straight to the backyard, walking off far ahead of you.
By the time you reached the patio, Sarah and Chloe had already found spots to sit around the fire, and Joel was tossing some more firewood into the pit while seemingly laughing at a conversation going on between himself and your father. Although you couldn’t have seen the evening going this way when you initially came the previous morning, you couldn’t have been happier that everyone seemed to be getting along.
You found your own seat by the fire and Joel came back to sit next to you as your mother began to ask the girls a few questions about their day.
After getting as comfortable as you could on what was essentially a rock turned into a bench and leaning onto your partner, you and Joel quietly roasted marshmallows as your daughters excitedly chatted away, just happy to be able to sit and relax after a busy day. You were curious to hear all that occurred between Joel and your parents while you were away that had made them open up to each other more, but you could certainly wait.
“So girls, what was the highlight of your day?” your mom asked, turning to face your daughters.
“We had really nice manicures. The woman who did my nails was so much better than mom is. No offense, mom.”
“None taken,” you laughed at your daughter’s blunt statement.
“If it makes you feel better, you can’t be any worse than my dad,” Sarah offered, only contributing to your laughter.
“You’re probably right,” you agreed, playfully nudging Joel.
“I thought we understood that anything regarding my artistic ability is a soft spot?” he attempted to defend himself, but it was already too late.
“Sorry, Joel,” your daughter giggled, encouraging Sarah to giggle along with her.
“I also really liked our manicures, but we went to this really cute café with really good pastries and drinks!” Sarah exclaimed, gratefully accepting the slightly burnt—and just the way she likes it—s’more that you passed her.
“We only got decaf drinks, don’t worry,” you explained as you watched Joel hand Chloe a s’more of her own. “But everything was really good.”
“You would know, since you tried everything,” Chloe teased.
“Thirteen-year-old Chloe is even more sassy than before,” you teased right back. “It’s called the mom tax. Since I was your chauffeur all day, I got to steal a little nibble of your pastries. I think that’s fair.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Sarah added in, grinning mischievously at you.
“I would probably do the same,” Joel interjected, coming to your defense.
“See? This is why I keep you around,” you squeezed his arm and grinned up at your partner.
“Ugh, you guys are always being so gross,” Chloe laughed. “Do you see what we have to put up with?” Chloe directed at her grandparents.
“You know, one day you’ll find someone that you want to be gross with too,” your mother explained.
“No way,” your daughter giggled, standing up and stretching. “Do you wanna go get ready for bed, Sare?”
“Sure!” she said cheerily, popping up and heading inside with her friend.
“Seems like they had a good day,” your father commented once the pair were gone.
“I think so. I hope so. Chlo was pretty bummed when she found out her dad was going to be out of town during her birthday, but I’m pretty sure this has made up for it. Thank you for putting this all together,” you acknowledged.
“Of course! Anything for our girls,” your mom said, smiling softly at you as she reached out to put a hand on your knee.
“Well what did you guys get up to while we were gone?” you asked, hoping to get a little insight into what you missed while you were gone.
“Joel and I did some baking, then he helped your father put together some decorations. Speaking of which, you’re gonna have to help me put up some final touches before the big day.”
“Of course,” you agreed, happy to do anything that would make your daughter’s special day more special.
“Hey, don’t worry about it. I can finish up and help you with whatever needs to be done,” Joel offered.
“You’ve already worked so much today, Joel. We  couldn’t possibly ask you to do anything else,” your mother practically gushed. Joel seemed like he was going to protest, opening his mouth before your mother cut him off. “I insist.”
You couldn’t believe that just the previous morning your mother was lecturing you over this man.
“Well, I’m not gonna argue with that. But if you need any help at all, I am more than willing to be there,” Joel reiterated.
“Thank you, but that won’t be necessary,” your mom stretched her arms behind her head and yawned. “I’m getting a little tired. Would you like to go set up now?”
You were getting the feeling that the question was less of a question and more of a direction, but you agreed regardless, pressing a kiss to Joel’s cheek before you went back inside with your mom to help set up the last few things for Chloe’s birthday.
Setting things up was about as eventful as you thought it might be, other than the absolute raving your mom was doing over your partner, and the occasional sound of muffled laughter coming from the patio.
“I’m starting to think you like my boyfriend more than you like me,” you commented offhandedly as you tied off a balloon.
“Oh I do,” your mother agreed. “You think I’m bad? You should see your father. Yesterday he was so wary of Joel, but today those two have just been giggling and bonding all day. I should’ve known it was a wrap after your boyfriend made a stupid dad joke,” she glanced over at the glass door leading to the backyard.
“So what changed his mind?” you asked, setting down the balloon. “What changed yours?”
“After talking to him for a while, it was just very obvious how much he loves you and the girls. He also just happens to be a very likable guy. I don’t know how you ever managed to hate him before.”
“I already told you, it was like we were flirt-arguing!” you insisted.
“I know, I’m just teasing. I’ll still be a little cautious, but he seems like a good guy. Now, after he and your dad got over their little awkward thing, they absolutely hit it off. Just started bonding over everything under the sun. Their love of guitar, their love of DIY projects, their love of you…”
You smiled to yourself as you listened to your mom. It was great news that Joel had been able to bond with your parents, despite whatever feelings they’d had towards him previously.
“That’s good to hear. I’m happy you both finally came to your senses. He was worried sick about you guys not liking him.”
“Well, he’s got nothing to worry about now,” your mom flashed you a smile that matched yours as she finished off the balloons. “I think that’s all we needed to do. I’ll wake you up in the morning if I need any extra hands then.”
“Please don’t,” you groaned, pulling yourself out of your chair and glancing back over at the back door, where Joel and your father still seemed to be having a great time. When you looked back over, your mother was approaching you with open arms.
“I’m sorry, honey. I know you’ve already been through so much, and you wouldn’t purposely put yourself through that again,” she began as she embraced you. The apology was like music to your ears. You just hoped that Joel had also received some form of apology from your parents, as he was the one receiving the majority of the pushback. “I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you for leaving Nathan, and I’m proud of you for focusing on yourself, and I’m proud of you for finding someone good for you when you were finally ready.”
“I love you. I’m pretty fond of your boyfriend, too. Goodnight,” your mother bid you farewell, and you couldn’t even think of a proper response before she was already going up the stairs. You had much to process tonight.
Long after you’d fallen asleep, you woke up to the feeling of the mattress shifting its weight. When you turned over onto your side to see what the disturbance was, you just barely made out your partner in the dark.
“It’s just me,” Joel whispered as he settled in bed next to you. Like you were a magnet, you found yourself clinging onto him almost automatically.
“Hi,” you mumbled, voice thick with sleep.
“Hi,” he repeated, settling his arm on your hip.
“How was today?” you asked, nudging Joel over enough for him to be on his side so that you could spoon him.
“Really good, I think. I think your parents kinda like me now,” he yawned, relaxing into your touch as you held him.
“Kinda?” you muttered sleepily. “What did I tell you? They’d come around eventually.”
“You were right. I should’ve listened earlier,” he confessed as he fell into a more and more relaxed state.
“Maybe. I could care less about their opinion of you. That’s what I wish you listened to earlier,” you explained. “But I am happy that they like you so much.”
You were up bright and early to put the last little finishing touches on Chloe’s birthday decorations. You and your father taped up a few ‘happy birthday’ signs, while your mother and Joel worked on decorating Chloe’s birthday cake. Not much longer after you came downstairs, Sarah found herself downstairs helping to put her own creative spin on the cake as well.
After some discussion of when it would be acceptable to wake up Chloe, you all headed upstairs to her room to wish her a happy birthday.
As her door opened and everyone began to sing slightly off-key rendition of ‘Happy Birthday,’ Chloe slowly began to sit up as she grew more and more awake before she broke into a fit of slightly embarrassed laughter.
It was quite the scene, and probably not the most ideal wake-up call, but your daughter grinned and expressed her gratitude regardless, getting out of bed so she could attempt to pull everyone into a big group hug.
“Ugh, I love you guys so much,” she sighed fondly. “How did I get the best family ever?”
You were starting to wonder the same yourself.
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booksandabeer · 11 months
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Stucky, Fandom Longevity, and "Primacy Bias"
There’s this post that's been floating around the past few days about how the Stucky fandom in its heyday produced fic and art masterpieces like they were all collectively possessed by an unprecedented spirit of creative insanity. It’s a good, fun post and I agree with the person who wrote it. (not rb'ing because I didn't want to hijack their post with something that's only tangentially related).
It was indeed a magical time and the creative output in both quantity and quality in the two-year period following the release of CA:TWS is—with perhaps a few exceptions—unmatched by anything that I’ve seen before and since. However, going through the notes on that post, I noticed something that left me a little irritated and quite frankly sad since it is in congruence with, and to a certain extent the confirmation of something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.
For one thing, there are so many people in the notes expressing sentiments along the lines of “it was such a wonderful time; I wish I could go back; I miss these fics; I want to read these fics again,” etc., etc., you get it. And it feels a little silly pointing this out, but…you can just do that? Almost all of these fics are still right there, waiting for you to be (re)read. Yes, a lot of people left the fandom after The Great Devastation of 2019, but their stories didn’t just disappear. It's not like there is now a big, black hole where the Steve/Bucky tag used to be on AO3. So, if you miss these fics and you want to revisit them—just do it. Chances are the authors will be delighted that people are still finding and enjoying their stories all these years later. And—since apparently this needs saying, too, judging from the notes on that post: A lot of people seem to be very concerned with losing ‘coolness points’ for openly admitting that they still miss the ship and often feel tempted to dip their toes back into the Stucky pool. I don’t know how to tell you this, but if someone tries to shame you for simply enjoying or missing something, they are an asshole. Not to mention that all this is happening on tumble.com—'coolness' doesn't exactly live here. And that is a good thing, to be clear. Fandom is not about being cool. It’s about being as enthusiastic, as silly, as absolutely fucking unhinged about the things you love as you want to be. So, stop caring what other people think and enjoy yourself.
The other thing is that there seems to be a pretty widespread misconception that the Stucky fandom hasn’t produced any good fanworks after 2016.
First, that is patently and demonstrably untrue. There is so much incredibly good fanfiction and fanart still out there. Not as much as back in the day, sure, but it still exists. And more is being posted every day! Even some of the OG Big Names are still around. One of the most beloved Stucky series that started all the way back in 2014 was updated as recently as December of last year. The artist, who I believe the op is referring to as creating ‘baroque’ paintings, posted their latest Stucky art not even two months ago.
Second, I find this “primacy bias” more than just a little insulting to the many hardworking and incredibly talented people who are still putting their blood, sweat, and tears into creating for this community. And it’s one thing if people who have long left the fandom believe or say something like this, but it’s frankly irritating when I see people who are still very much active—and therefore definitely should know better—feed into that same false myth. Yes, it sucks that the Stucky ship isn’t as big as it used to be, but that doesn't mean there isn't any 'fresh talent' to be found anymore. I’m also not saying we shouldn’t still celebrate and recommend older works—I do it all the time! And it sure as hell doesn't mean everyone has to reblog absolutely everything all the time, either. Your blog, your rules.
But maybe we should put a little more focus on the good things, on the creators and the community we have now, especially if we want that community to still exist in another ten years. I mean, imagine you’re a person who’s just gotten into the fandom (because yes, there are indeed still new people discovering Stucky all the time) and one of the first things you’re being told is “eh, nice that you're here, but you’re about 7 years late; the big party is already over.” Does that seem like a fun space to hang out in to you?
So. Let’s all—and I do not exclude myself from this because God knows, I love to complain—spend a little less time mourning the ‘good old days’ that are never coming back anyway, and instead focus our attention on enjoying and appreciating both the incredible treasure chest of an archive we have AND the wealth of high-quality art and fic that is still being created by this wonderful community every single day. With this in mind:
🥳🎊Happy Stucky Week 2023!!! 🎊🥳
*I want to make it very clear that this is a general thing that’s been on my mind lately and that I’m trying to work through here—probably not very coherently. I'm not trying to tell anybody 'how to do fandom' and I’m most definitely not vagueposting about any particular incident, person, or group in this fandom. This isn’t a callout post. It’s an I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this and I don’t know what else do with them post.
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padfootagain · 5 months
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Pink Helmet
Hello everyone ! Today, we’re answering a request for my 6k event made by @wolfmoonmusic : “First of all.... CAROLE CONGRATULATIONS!!!! THIS IS HUGE!! I am so happy for you!!!Second of all.... Super cute idea for the celebration. Here's my request.
Sirius Black + Modern AU + Kissing in the Rain.
Like they have an argument on the way back from a party (they aren't together yet) where Sirius flirts with everyone (because I mean it's SIrius) and reader gets up and due to the argument she asks him to stop the car and she gets out and the rest is up to you!
Thank you and congratulations once again!!”
Thank you so much for your request, this is indeed an adorable idea! I hope you like what I wrote for your request! I’ve changed it a bit, I hope you don’t mind, but I got carried away with my own setting involving his bike, and not a car, so…
Hope you all like this! Tell me what you think!
****
Pairing: Sirius Black x reader
Warning: angst, and then lots of fluff. Honestly too much cuteness… even for me…
Summary: You get jealous on a night out with your friends, because Sirius is flirting with some random girl at the bar. Your anger is about to cause a chain reaction that will bring unsuspected consequences… for the better!
Word Count: 3312
Sirius Black’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist
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Sirius has a headache.
He has a headache in this buzzing pub, a numb hand after holding onto his cold drink for too long and a broken heart because of his stupid crush on you.
Crush. Were it not so painful to think of you, Sirius would laugh at himself for believing in such an understatement.
Because the truth was that he was head-over-heels for you. Smitten with. Absolutely, irrevocably in love with you.
Had been for the past two years, as a matter of fact. Since that last year of school, when you had punched an asshole in the face, hence breaking two of his teeth, who had been insulting one of your friends. That was enough to turn Sirius on, big time, but the crush had turned into actual love a month later, when you spent an entire night listening to his twisted familial story. God, he still remembers every detail of that night to this day. The way you leaned closer to him, how you had wrapped your arms around his frame. All done in silence, without a word, just a presence he desperately needed. He reckons that it was the first time in a long, very long time when he didn’t feel utterly alone…
He drinks now the rest of his beer in one large gulp, because all of this is ridiculous. He’s painfully aware that a) you do not see anything but a friend in him, and b) that he will never be good enough for you.
So, might as well drown his sorrow in alcohol, at least for tonight. Besides, the woman before him is pretty, she’s not boring, she has a nice laugh and she seems kind enough.
Will it help him to forget you if he spends the night with her? No, must definitely not. But it will numb the pain for a while. It will make it easier for a few hours, and after loving you for two years, he’s grown accustomed to asking for no more than a temporary salvation.
Still, while he talks with the pretty girl in front of him, leaning against the bar, his eyes keep on drifting towards your frame. He knows perfectly well where you are, he always does. A superpower of his, or an unbreakable spell of yours, hard to decide if it is meant as a blessing or a curse…
You remained with Remus and Marlene for most of the night, but you’ve found your way to the dancefloor now, or rather the small space right before the stage, it is too narrow to be called a dancefloor. Still, you’re dancing now, and Sirius tries hard not to glance over at you, not to look at the way you’re moving your hips in rhythm with the drums, the way your hands fly upwards as if reaching for the ceiling, the way you throw your head back, the way he longs to kiss every inch of the throat you’re making particularly visible now in your movements…
Instead, he’s staring at this woman before him, and he has your name on the tip of his tongue, and it’s the thought of your presence near him that makes him blush and shift uncomfortably on his stool.
“So… huh… I’m going to be honest with you, Sirius,” the woman is leaning closer now, flirt written all over her graceful features, and Sirius can’t deny that he likes the sweetness of her perfume. “I’m really not looking for something serious, but I like you, and I think we could have some fun together, don’t you think so?”
He plays it cool, looks down for a second, summons his most seductive crooked smile, the one he knows drives everyone crazy. It’s easy to do it. He doesn’t know her… now that he thinks about it, he realizes he’s forgotten her name. He doesn’t care. He’ll spend the night with her, stay for breakfast or at least till she’s awake, so as not to be a douche, and then he’ll walk out of her apartment and out of her life.
It's easy. There are no consequences, no requirements, no strings attached. Your perfect opposite…
You. Sirius can feel a stare burning a hole in his head, and when he slightly turns to see who’s looking at him so intensely, he gets caught in your eyes. Even from across the room, he’s trapped in them, unable to look away, as always, whenever he looks at you. He just gravitates towards you, he can’t help it…
But when your eyes meet, you avert your gaze to the ground, fists clenched and jaw set, and Sirius can’t refrain a small frown. What got you so worked up? The thought of some scumbag being disrespectful towards you makes him blood instantly boil.
His frown deepens when he sees you making a bee-line towards the exit.
Something’s wrong… someone’s hurt you…
Sirius remembers there’s a woman before him only when she asks him what he’s doing. Indeed, he’s stood up from his stool and is grabbing some money in the back pocket of his jeans.
 “I have to admit I wasn’t expecting you to be this up for it,” she jokes, but her smile falters when Sirius turns to her with an apologetic smile on his lips.
“No, I… I’m sorry, I really like you too. I really do. But… not tonight. I… I just saw a friend heading out, and she seemed upset, so…”
“She…”
The stranger nods, and Sirius doesn’t try to argue. There’s no need for any argument. She’s right, anyway…
Sirius pays for his drinks and hers, he can at least do that. Before she can argue though, he’s striding towards the door.
It’s October, and the nights are cold. And it’s raining tonight, heavily so, a curtain of freezing raindrops blurring his view of the street. While his feet slip upon skeleton leaves, he tightens his hold on his black leather jacket, pushing back his long hair while he tries to spot you in the large street…
There you are, a few feet away, looking for a cab.
He hurries to you, calling your name, but you turn away from him as he does so, and he frowns at the sight.
“Hey! Y/N! You’re alright?”
You nod, but keep your back to him.
“What are you doing? Everybody’s still inside. It’s not even eleven yet. Are you sick?”
“No, I just… I want to go home.”
“Oh… okay. I’ll get you home…”
“No, Sirius…”
“I have an extra helmet. The pink one you like.”
He bits his tongue before letting slip that he always carries your favourite helmet around, just in case, just for you… thank God he doesn’t say that out loud.
You look up at him, frame and face and hair drenched with the heavy rain, and you’re surprised when Sirius takes off his jacket and places it over you, holding it up above your head to protect you.
He’s wet all over too, with dark locks of hair now clinging to his neck and cheeks, his black t-shirt revealing more of his biceps and the ghosts of abs because of the rain. He’s shivering, and he doesn’t even notice it. He only sees that you’re cold, and that you’ll catch your death standing in this unforgiving rain.
He frowns hard when you angrily push him away though, his jacket falling between the two of you, still held in his idle hands but now acting like a barrier between your bodies instead of a protection.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, taken aback by the rage burning in your eyes.
Wrath… there’s no other word to describe the flash that passes through your gaze, and he doesn’t understand why you aim such a feeling at him. He’s barely spoken to you tonight, how could he have done something wrong?
“Nothing,” you answer in a better tone.
“Did I do something?”
Anger fades, it declines just as it mingles now with another emotion, one that he wishes he could forever banish from your face: pain.
“No, nothing,” you answer, and this time it isn’t a lie.
“Then, what’s wrong? Why are you angry at me?”
“I’m not…”
“Of course, you are. Come on, what’s wrong? You can tell me, I’ll fix it.”
But as you shake your head now, there are tears shining in your eyes, catching the light of the white streetlamps.
Your teeth chatter, and Sirius moves closer again, protecting you once more with his jacket. And it doesn’t really help, but it’s still sweet, and you look even more on the verge of crying now…
“What’s wrong?”
But you don’t say anything; instead you merely nod in the vague direction of his motorcycle, a few metres down the street.
“Please, take me home.”
He clenches his jaw, bits his tongue so he won’t insist. A curt nod is all he can summon, and he walks with you to his bike.
He hands you the pink helmet you adore, the one with the skull and the ‘pink is punk af’ logo on the side. But you don’t put it on. As he shrugs his jacket back on, he stares at you with a frown while you stare at the silly logo.
“Would you have given it to her?”
He catches your eyes as you look up, and he doesn’t understand why there are now tears mingling with rain on your cheeks.
“What?”
“To that girl, in the pub. Would you have taken her home like this too? Would you have given her my helmet?”
His frown only deepens.
“Why are you asking this?”
But you shake your head, hand him back his helmet.
His helmet. It was never yours in the first place, you need to remind yourself that…
“I’ll call for a cab.”
“I can take you home…”
“I don’t want you to.”
And it hurts to say it. It hurts even more to look at Sirius’s expression change, from confusion to pain.
“Stop that,” he complains. “Stop being mean. I haven’t done anything wrong, I’ve barely talked to you tonight, for goodness’ sake!”
“No, you’re right, you were too busy trying to get laid.”
There is such bitterness in your voice, Sirius doesn’t get where it comes from.
“And? What business is this of yours, anyway? You’re not my mother…”
“She’s pretty, I’ll give you that.”
“Why are you judging me, all of a sudden? I can sleep with whoever I fucking want to!”
“Oh, I know that, thank you! You’ve been doing a lot of that lately…”
“And whose fault is that?”
The answer slips before he can bite it back, and you’re a little taken aback by it. But Sirius drives your attention away. Your voices are still low, but both your tones cut like sharp stones, almost like knives, and every word strikes right where it hurts…
“Look, I don’t know what’s gotten into you tonight, but you’re being ridiculous right now.”
“Me? Ridiculous?”
“Yes! It’s raining, I’m freezing my arse here, so just take the fucking helmet and let me take you home safe and sound, alright?”
“You should go back to miss pretty hair…”
“Stop acting like you’re jealous.”
“Well I…”
But you fall silent, clearly biting back your words, and again, he doesn’t know what to make of it.
“I’m not jealous,” you finally let out.
And it hurts to hear you say it. It’s stupid, it’s selfish, this longing Sirius has in his chest for you to feel like that, for you to be jealous, for you to care…
It’s your turn to be taken aback by his tone when he answers in a quiet voice, all traces of anger gone, only something fragile left in his words.
“I know you’re not. I know…”
He heaves a sigh, running a hand through his wet hair.
“Look, I don’t want us to fight. I just want to make sure you get home safely. So, let me take you home, alright?”
“How many drinks did you have tonight?”
“Only a beer. I can drive.”
You’re about to yield, when the door of the pub opens… on the stranger Sirius has been hitting on the whole night.
“Oh, you really do have a motorcycle!” she exclaims, a little drunk, staying in the doorframe to avoid the rain.
She looks pretty like this, framed with golden light, cheeks flushed with alcohol, long hair cascading on her shoulders…
Sirius barely has time to register what’s happening, you’re already walking away.
“Y/N!”
“Siri! I wanted to give you my number!”
He’s started to follow you, but he turns to the stranger before hurrying after you again.
“Look, you’re nice, but I don’t think it’s gonna work out between us. Sorry about tonight.”
He doesn’t wait for her answer, for her protest. He’s running after you now. How come you can be so damn fast on these slippery wet leaves…
“Y/N! Wait!”
“Leave me alone…”
“You were about to finally let me give you a ride…”
“Yes, and then I was reminded that you have other obligations tonight.”
“I don’t have any, I don’t want to spend the night with her.”
You turn on your heels at that, and Sirius almost bumps into you as you stop dead.
“Why not? Have fun!”
“Why are you being mean again?”
And it’s true, you are. Your tone is aggressive, unnecessarily so.
But it just hurts. It hurts to see him with other women when you’ve been longing for him for years…
“Because I’m mad at you!”
“Why? I only offered you a ride! I’m still freezing to death under this bloody rain for you!”
“I’ve never asked you to do that!”
“You don’t have to!”
“Why not? Why do you always help me, why are you always here, always kind, always ready to take care of me, but the next second you’re throwing yourself into someone else’s arms?!”
Tears are back to stain your cheeks, and Sirius suddenly grows very still. His entire body tenses up, his cheeks grow paler.
You can’t be meaning this…
“What?”
You realize he’s still holding this bloody, stupid helmet…
“You were going to give her my helmet.”
And it sounds so stupid, but it isn’t, really. You’re surprised when Sirius raises up his free hand to cup your cheek, guiding your eyes up to face him.
He blinks a few times, trying to read through you.
You can’t be meaning this…
“What do you mean?”
He takes a step closer. And his fingers are cold on your cheek, it’s raining too hard for him not to be unbearably cold, but it doesn’t matter. His breath draws white patterns in the air between you as he struggles to slow down his heartbeat.
“Are you jealous?”
The question is simple, the answer should be easy.
But you know he doesn’t feel the same, and he knows you don’t see him this way. And you reckon that he could have better, and he thinks he doesn’t deserve you…
“No.”
But your voice is weak, and everything screams ‘liar’ in your demeanour.
“You’re jealous.”
This time, it isn’t a question, it’s a statement. A realization, rather.
Sirius can barely breathe. Because he is jealous whenever a guy flirts with you. And that’s because he’s in love with you.
There, he said it, at long last, it’s out in the open. He’s fucking in love with you, and that’s why he wants to punch any guy who kisses you, why it feels like his heart is being ripped out of his chest whenever you have a boyfriend and he sees you happy with someone else, why he…
“It doesn’t matter,” you chirp, your voice barely there at all by now.
“Why are you jealous?”
“I’m not.”
“You… you said we were just friends. You keep on saying that. Every time anyone says that we’re more, you keep on saying we’re just friends.”
But you frown up at him. He guesses that’s because you’ve noticed how breathless he is now.
“Because we are friends.”
“Yes, but… I thought you… you friendzoned me.”
“What?”
“You. You friendzoned me. You’ve never let me think that you could feel anything for me. Romantically speaking, I mean.”
He runs his hand through his hair again, trying to push the drenched locks away. It’s raining even harder, the sound is deafening. He barely feels the rain colliding with his cheeks at all…
“Why would I have? You… you were clearly never interested.”
“I’m interested.”
“What?”
“I’ve been interested for two years.”
“WHAT?!”
“Why do you think I keep this ridiculous helmet with me all the damn time?”
He almost stops himself when he opens his mouth to speak again. Because he’s a mess, and you could have better. So much better. Someone who’s not as fucked in the head as he is.
But you’re looking up at him with the same kind of hope that he feels whenever he thinks of you, and even if it can’t last, he wants to believe in this dream of his, even if it must fade in a minute…
“I like you. A lot.”
“You… you like me?”
“Yes.”
“Why do you keep on sleeping around, then?”
“Because I thought I didn’t stand a chance, and I can’t get over you. Also… I’m a mess. A hot mess, but still a mess.”
He tries to give you a crooked smile, but it lacks the confidence he usually wears. He’s too fragile for now, at that moment. And this smoothness he has mastered over the years is altogether gone. Instead, he’s shaking out of both coldness and nerves.
“Are you mad at me?” he asks, and his fear is genuine as it shines in his stormy eyes.
He waits for your answer, and it doesn’t come. Each second his heart is beating faster and faster, to the point where he wonders how it doesn’t simply explode. You open your mouth once, close it again.
And he’s cursing himself for his stupidity, for his vanity, for even imagining for a second that someone as wonderful as you could fall in love with a mess like him, for wasting it all, for fucking up the best friendship he has ever had…
Until the cold of the rain is replaced by the coolness of your palms on both of his cheeks. Until all the air is knocked out of his lungs when you press your soft lips against his. Until all he can do is kiss you back, rain now falling on his closed eyelids, getting caught in his lashes. The pink helmet slips from his hands, allowing him to wrap his arms around your frame, to pull you closer, so damn close, there is no space left between your bodies, only the layers of your wet clothes.
When you break away, you are both out of breath, and the rain is still falling just as hard, and none of you notice.
“I like you, too,” your admittance is a whisper, it makes Sirius grin anyway, brighter than you’ve ever seen.
He truly looks like the star he was named after now, beaming at you, holding your face with both hands.
He dives in for another kiss, and then another, and another, and it’s only when he feels your teeth chattering under his fingers between two kisses that he finally breaks your embrace.
He bends down to pick the helmet, hands it to you again.
“Please, put this damn thing on. I’m taking you home.”
“Will you stay?”
He can read in your eyes that you don’t mean tonight. You mean tomorrow morning. You mean the day after that. You mean forever.
He’s the one to put the helmet on your head, a tender smile on his lips, one that you’ve never seen before.
One that’s full of love.
“Don’t worry, love. I’m staying.”
************************************************
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lokisswiftie · 6 months
Text
Bittersweet Revenge
Loki x Reader
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A/N: alright, Ik this is a lot more intense from what I’ve written before on here, but I just had this idea and had to get it down. This is mostly in unedited so I also apologise for any mistakes. This is going to get a little gruesome but I tried to hold back from getting too descriptive. Also I do know this isn’t what would happen in real life I just wanted to write this scenario. Please give me any CONSTRUCTIVE criticism that you have. Sending love to all of you!!💗 (also requests are open.)
Warnings: Mentions of past torture, Trauma, Angst, detailed Descriptions of violence, eventual fluff
Summary: many years after your past as a former Hydra agent, the same agents who tortured you are brought in by S.H.I.E.L.D. You take the only chance you have to rectify what they did to you, but how will Loki react once he finds out what you’ve done?
Enjoy!!
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It was supposed to be a celebration. The team had finally managed to bring in the hydra agents that had escaped so many times. Everyone was supposed to be happy. But not you.
The moment the group of hydra workers were escorted through the doors it was like all the air was sucked out of you. Your eyes bore into the back of their heads as they were walked away from you. You hadn’t realised you were still standing there frozen until Nat came up behind you to check on you.
“Are you alright Y/N?”
She inquired, and you reluctantly broke your gaze. You fought to maintain a casual facade, but the rage filled you and the distress of seeing them again was sinking into your veins. You exhale slowly, before meeting her eyes. If you’re going to go through with your revenge you can’t have her figuring it out.
“Everything’s fine, Nat. I’m just tired.”
She doesn’t believe you, but leaves it be. From then until the time when everyone else is leaving the office, you’re on your own. Doing paperwork, and thinking deeply. Loki wasn’t here with you, but if he knew… he would be horrified of your plans to get revenge. You were usually so level headed, even on missions. if he saw you like that… the thoughts kept plaguing you.
If it weren’t for the nightmares, the terror and everything you’d done to collect yourself after all they put you through you might’ve let it go. They destroyed everything, and now was the only chance you’d get.
So, when most people had left to go home, you snuck down to the holding cells. There was a dagger gripped tightly in your hand, but you most likely wouldn’t use it. Despite your being trained to not be messy.. to make every kill efficient and clean.. you might just take your time with this one.
As you approached the door you paused. You could turn back now. It might be for the best. You could just go back upstairs and finish the paperwork you’d been assigned. Maybe grab a coffee. Let them go.
No, you decided. After everything they’d taken from you? Everything and everyone you’d lost after they captured you? No. It was time for a wrong to be righted, even if you did have to get blood on your hands. You open the door.
“Do you remember me?”
One of the four men look up. There’s nothing in his eyes. He looks away as soon as he looked up and you curse him in your mind. You turn to the next, then the next until you meet the eyes of the final man.
“You remember me.”
He smiles, an empty heartless smile that doesn’t meet his dead eyes.
“I remember. You’re the one that escaped. Gave us a few scars on your way out.”
He laughs hollowly, and you grit your teeth. Your eyes bore into his. You grip the handle of the knife tight.
“Don’t worry. You wont be alive to see the scars I’ll leave this time.”
With that you grip the side of his skull and bring his head hard against the glass wall.
***
It’s got to be at least thirty minutes later. You’re sweating, and your casual get up is covered in blood. Their blood. You stand in the middle of the room, eyes scanning the crumpled forms around you. Part of you was satisfied. The other part.. was considering the aftermath of all this.
Thank god for soundproof walls. You were sure their excessive screaming would have drawn attention. Maybe that would have been good. Maybe you needed someone to stop you.
You wipe clean the blade of your dagger, before turning around to face the large glass window of the room. And then you freeze in place.
Standing there on the other side of the glass, face white as paper, is Loki. Your beloved. The person who saw past the facade. Who backed you up when people judged you for your past. Is now staring with an un readable expression on his face. He knew who they were. Of course he knew. You could feel him, poking and prodding at your mind.
You hadn’t realised tears were pricking your eyes until this very moment, when they all overflowed.
“Shit.”
You grab onto the handle of the door, and then you’re standing outside. Face to face with him. The slow drip of blood on the floor making everything feel real.
“Loki.. Loki I’m- I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry.”
You garble, and before you can stop it tears are overflowing. Everything seems so real now, as you stand under the buzzing lights.
“What… did you do?”
His voice is weak as he scans your frame. You shiver under his gaze, and see it soften drastically. Your breathing is uneven and erratic as you attempt to say something. Anything. To defend what you’ve done.
You expect him to run. To turn away and leave you here with your sins. But before you can say another word, his arms are around you. He pulls you against him firmly, rubbing your back and arms.
“Breathe. It’s okay. Don’t think about it. Just focus on my voice.”
And you do your best to listen. Despite the bodies. Despite the blood that pools on your clothes and now his. Despite the fear coursing through you. You listen. You let him use his fingers to gently untangle your hair. You let yourself believe it’ll all be okay.
“… did it help? With.. With the hurt they left behind?”
He finally speaks, and you inhale shakily as you think before responding.
“Yes… I think it did.”
You finally look up and meet his eyes. His beautiful green eyes that have no fear. And as if he can read your mind, he replies.
“Oh darling.. I could never fear you. No matter what, I’m here. I love you.”
You breathe deeply, and press your face back into his chest. Your mind still thrums with thoughts.
“What will happen now?”
Your voice shakes as you say it, and he pauses. You can almost hear the cogs in his head turning. When he finally replies after a minute of silence, his voice is calm and steady.
“I don’t know. But I’ll be here with you. Through anything… let’s get you home.”
He sees the shake in your legs and your weak knees, and without hesitating scoops you up into his arms. You rest your head against his shoulder as he walks, and listen to the sound of his steady heart beat. As long as he’s with you.
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runnning-outof-time · 2 years
Note
Pls can you do “Why is it always you?” for some cozy fall tommy fluff?
Thanks for sending this in, anon!! 🥰❤️
Thank you for helping me celebrate hitting 2K followers! Want to read more blurbs from this celebration? Check out this post!
A Pointless Argument
Tommy Shelby
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Warnings: mentions of smoking and drinking
After an upsetting discovery, (Y/N) storms out onto the grounds of Arrow House to have a word with her husband.
“Why is it always you?” (Y/N) asked as she approached the table and chairs that Tommy was sitting at.
“Why is what always me?” Tommy asked her, barely opening his eyes to look at her as she stopped in front of him. He didn’t even bother to sit up from his lounged state; his hands still clasped over his stomach and his head resting against the back of the metal chair.
“You always take the last scone in the morning, Tommy…always,” she told him, her distaste for the situation clear in the words she spoke.
“Who’s to say I took it, hmm?” he defended himself, still not sounding like he cared a great deal about the problem at hand as he shut his eyes again, “it could’ve been Charlie…could’ve been Anna,” he then tried to throw the blame onto their children.
“It was you, Tommy, and I have proof that it was,” (Y/N) stayed steadfast on her point, taking her argument a step further as she was ready to back it up with evidence.
“Yeah?” Tommy opened his eyes again so that he could look at her; to see if she was bluffing. She looked pretty serious at the moment, and he was wondering if he’d be able to get her to cave this time.
“Yes,” she nodded definitively.
“What’s your proof?” he asked her, his eyebrows raised.
“Frances told me that you asked her to bring it to you in your office this morning. You ate it with your morning tea while you were reading the newspaper,” she outlined her evidence, making sure to add as much detail as she could.
Tommy let out a sigh as he stared off at the treeline of changing colors. “I should probably hire new help now, eh?” he asked her then, his sudden question catching (Y/N) off guard.
“What? No…you can’t fire Frances,” she told him, an incredulous look now present on her face.
“She’s sold me out too easily,” he gave his reason.
“She only told me what I already knew,” (Y/N) defended the woman who worked for them. “Besides…” she trailed off then as she moved even closer to the seat that Tommy was sitting on. She nudged his thigh with her knee, making him sit up properly in the chair so that she could sit on his lap. “I’m rather happy that she actually got you to eat something…it’s been at least a week since you’ve had proper food,” she said as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders so that she could steady herself on her new seat.
“I’ve eaten this past week,” he tried to defend himself.
“A few mint leaves does not count as proper food, Tommy,” she disagreed with him, a ‘you’re being serious right now?’ look on her face.
“There isn’t a problem with eating mint, love…” He stayed steadfast on his viewpoint, “makes my breath smell good.”
(Y/N) couldn’t help but giggle at his statement. “You can eat anything you want, Tommy…your breath’s still gonna smell like cigarettes and whiskey,” she told him in a matter-of-fact tone.
Tommy rolled his eyes at her comment before he hooked his hands around her waist. She rested herself against his chest and got comfortable as they enjoyed what would probably be one of the last warmer autumn mornings.
“I will say that I like it though,” (Y/N) said softly after a few moments had passed.
“Hmm?” Tommy hummed, opening his eyes only slightly to look over at her.
“The way you smell,” she clarified, “with all these years we’ve been together…it reminds me of home now.”
The corner of Tommy’s lips curved upwards before he pressed a kiss to her temple. “You smell like home too, love,” he mumbled into her hair before inhaling the sweet, calming smell of her shampoo.
(Y/N) smiled as she curled her fingers around the collar of the shirt he was wearing. Some more time passed by silently before she spoke up again, “I’m still not happy that you ate the last scone,” she mumbled while picking at the threads of his waistcoat.
“I thought we were finished with the pointless arguments,” Tommy sighed, knowing all too well that he would not be hearing the end of this for the rest of the day.
———
Tagged: @mgcllovdrms @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @golden-hoax @elenavampire21 @peaky-cillian @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @notyour-valentine @shelbydelrey @december16-1991 @onlydeadcells @peakyswritings @just-a-blackhole @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @captivatedbycillianmurphy @yummycastiel @dark-academia-slut @tommystargirl @stevie75 @lyarr24 @signorellisantichrist @zablife @anotherblinder @midnightmagpiemama @cillmequick @rangerelik @lovemissyhoneybee @dandelionprints @letal-y-poetica
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astayinwonderland · 8 months
Text
Silk and Fire - Chapter 1
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Read more about the series and find updates here (;
pairing: namjoon x f.reader x jungkook
guest starring: jin, yoongi, hoseok
genre: romance | drama | smut +18 MDNI
summary: it's your best friend's engagement party and you agree to meet everyone at the venue. however, you end up running late and in danger. fortunately, someone's there to offer a helping hand... or hands.
status: ongoing
warnings: mentions of anxiety
wc: 1.7k words
a/n: this is pure ✨fiction✨
do not copy or translate
“Babe, you’ll look amazing no matter what you wear,” Namjoon puts his book down to look at you. “I love that dress on you,” he smiles, dimples showing. 
“You’ve said the same thing about the last six outfits I’ve tried on,” you laugh. 
“I am just being honest”. 
Namjoon leaves his comfy reading chair and walks over to your figure. You stand in front of the mirror and stand on your tippy toes mimicking how you would look in heels. Strong arms hug you from behind, and he buries his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent. Namjoon has been quite busy with work lately and in moments like this he wishes he could whisk you away and take you somewhere secluded, nice, romantic, where only the two of you existed. But alas, this wasn’t that day. 
In a couple of hours, you two would be at your best friend’s engagement party, who would have thought she would be the marrying kind after all? Everyone would be there, including the one friend you have never met in person. You are quite excited to meet him finally, he has been travelling around the world for the past year, and in your eight months of dating Namjoon, all the group of friends can talk about is how much they miss their group of 7. 
“You smell so good, you always do,” Namjoon whispers and plants a kiss on your soft skin. 
You run your fingers through his hair in an attempt to make time go still, but your eyes catch the clock by your nightstand and you jump. 
“Fuck, Joon! Look at the time. I have to go to the salon, the dry cleaners, go get my shoes…” 
Namjoon laughs at the way you rush around your shared house, he asked you to move in while you celebrated your 7th month together. The question came abruptly out of his mouth, but it felt right. He knew you were very special from the moment he laid eyes on you. Your looks are breathtaking for sure, but Namjoon felt an intense attraction to you because of your energy and intellect. You are sharp and smart, in a very different way than he is, and that makes him head over heels for you. 
“Alright, alright… Sure you don’t want me to pick you up and get there together?” 
“The salon is right across the venue, I’ll walk there once I’m done. Don’t worry, love,” you smile at him. 
You should have listened to your boyfriend. You should have. Honestly, at least if he were here, you would not feel this stress. It is 7:30 p.m., and you should already be at the venue calming your best friend’s nerves. You are the maid of honour after all. But things went south from the moment the dry cleaners didn’t have your dress ready and you were far behind with your hair. 
“Please just do whatever… the easiest thing. Anything! I really need to go,” you beg at the stylist, and even though she does try, your anxiety isn’t going anywhere. 
By the time you finish, it’s 8:02 p.m. Your bestie sends you text after text. 
Where the fuck are you? 
Are you close? 
Hello!???? 
I’m freaking out please, are you ok? 
You feel too guilty and anxious to give a full explanation so you just text her one sentence. 
I’ll be there in 5. 
You quickly make your way out of the salon and cross the street. The night is a bit cold and windy, your cheeks hurt a little from the cool air brushing against your face. You run in your heels praying you don’t twist your ankle. As you try to look for your lipstick in your clutch, you find yourself already a few steps away from the hotel door. The revolving door activates as you step in but it stops, leaving a small space open between the glass and the entrance. 
“Fuck!” you bang on the door to try and move it, but nothing happens. 
A muffled voice comes from the outside. You turn around to find a cheeky smile, lip piercing, and big doe eyes looking right into yours. 
“What?” your voice is louder than usual since you can’t hear him properly. 
His face now comes closer to the reduced space between the glass and the entrance. 
“You need to step back.” 
You try to move but it seems pointless and your anxiety peaks when it dawns on you that you may be trapped here for a long time. Your breath is heavy and your palms start to sweat. Hell, your vision is blurry. The man watches you lose it in a matter of seconds, and he would be damned if he didn’t do something about it. Somehow, his large frame squeezed through the little space left, catching you before you fell to your knees. 
“Darling, if you are going to get on your knees for me it better not be like this.” 
You try to focus your eyes on the man that helps you stand. Your face leaning against his crisp white shirt, makeup transferring a little bit onto it. 
“Are you okay?” 
And now you get a closer look. His long dark hair falls graciously on his forehead and temples, the rest of it framing his beautiful face. It is a mystery how he squeezed in with those broad shoulders and big arms. Those same arms holding you in place. 
“Breathe,” he gives you a warm smile.
So you breathe and try to pull yourself together, but his hands reach your waist and pull you against him. A gasp leaves your lips. 
“See?” he points at a tiny red dot near the door. “That’s a sensor, if you stand up too close you might get stuck. You just need to move a little bit–” and he pulls you even closer to him, his hips slightly gracing your body. “--back,” and that does the trick. 
Finally the door moves. Just as hotel employees are coming to your rescue. 
“It’s okay, I'm fine!” you yell running to the elevator. 
The man calmly walks after you and watches you desperately run. 
“Thank you!” you yell. 
Elegance. Poise. Charm. Love. 
You find yourself in a small but beautiful space where ivory and gold decorate the room and the chandeliers shimmered light delicately down to the guests. You spot your best friend and her fiancé across the room. Luckily your little meltdown didn’t completely ruin your hair, so you make your way in saying your polite ‘hellos’ and hoping she doesn’t kill you for being this late. 
“You look beautiful,” you hug her. 
“What the fuck happened?” you can see worry in her eyes. 
“The question is, what didn’t happen? Everything went wrong today, I’ll tell you later.” 
“She was about to call the police and put together a search party in order to find you.” 
You look at the man who your best friend decided to marry. Min Yoongi is no ordinary man. He is respectable, admirable, handsome, and the most important thing, he is husband material and perfect for Camille. He loves her dearly, erasing past traumas and filling her with acceptance and reassurance. You couldn’t be happier for them. 
“I was not going to call the police, Yoongi,” she rolls her eyes. 
“Yes she was,” he gives her the fondest of smiles and kisses her temple. His PDA is rare, but when it happens it is from the heart and that makes you long for the perfect man for you. 
“Where is he?” you say scanning the room, and then your eyes meet his. “Please excuse me for a minute…” 
Namjoon smiles as he sees you. Black shirt neatly tucked into his gray pants. His black hair parted to the side. He makes his way to you and you to him, meeting him in a tight embrace that seems to cure all your anxiety. 
“I’m glad you’re finally here,” he gives you a peck on the lips. “Missed you,” 
“And I missed you too!” even though you don’t see him you know it’s Hoseok behind you. You give him a tight hug. To be honest you missed hanging with Namjoon’s friends as well. They bring a certain spark to all gatherings that is hard to match. 
Namjoon gives you a quizzical look. 
“The dry cleaners didn’t have the dress ready on time, then my hair appointment was delayed an hour and a half, and on top of everything I got stuck in the stupid revolving doors,” 
“No way…” and the most boisterous laugh you’ve ever heard in your life comes from one of the most handsome faces you’ve seen in your life. 
“It did happen, Jin,” 
“If it was going to happen to someone it had to happen to you,” he sweetly kissed both of your cheeks. 
“Have you seen Jungkook yet?” Hoseok asks, elegantly holding a champagne flute. 
“Oh is he here yet?” you ask intrigued, excited even. 
“You know he likes a big entrance,” Jin adds. 
Namjoon then offers to get you a drink which you accept. You stay with Jin and Hoseok making casual conversation, but you spot your saviour in the small crowd. What is ‘revolving door guy’ doing here? You excuse yourself and make your way to him, saying hello to Camille’s family as you cross the room. His doe eyes open wide and his lips curve in a smile. 
“You are here,” he says. 
“Yes. Why are you here? Are you following me or something?” you whisper, confused. 
“Maybe I am,” he smirks and takes a sip of his neat whiskey. 
“I’m okay, no need to check on me,” you do your best to smile and reassure him you are doing just fine.  “Thank you, again.” 
“Okay… I won’t check on you, but I will check you out,” and there’s that cheeky smile again.
Shock. 
“Excuse me?” 
“There you are!” Namjoon hands you a glass of white wine and puts his hand around your waist. “Ah! I see you finally met each other.” 
Your eyes go from your man to ‘revolving door guy’ and back to your man. 
“Babe, this is Jeon Jungkook.”
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