#except theyre all old now n hes still a baby :(

[hearts4juzi]

i want to hear a bout the swap afton brothers... sounds interesting...

rRUNS IN CIRCLES!!!

first of all, michael is still a shitty brother in this bc!!! u know me!!!!

so ofc in this au michael is the first to die! on his birthday, his friends (the fnaf 4 bullies ofc) locked him out of the pizzeria as a joke. he was supposed to go around to the back and get in through there, but when he got there, william was locking it. william then caught and killed michael and he and possessed the puppet BUT! He does not immediately stuff the children's souls in the animatronics. he starts by trying to find a way out of being a loser ass ghost. because of this hes a lot stronger than the other ghosts bc he spent time doing his own thing.

william kills the mci kids and michael does not know what to think. like he knows his dad is awful but he has no way of stopping him other than the giant animatronic he possesses.

wait he possesses a giant animatronic!

so he stuffs the missing kids in the suits and then charlie for shits and giggles.

sammy is an exception. he, like michael, did not immediately gt connected to a suit and is much more powerful than the other ghosts and put himself in golden freddy.

charlie is a weaker ghost when it comes to the animatronic, but stronger on her own. (shes the bite victim, but not the crying child)

then liz, who has an intense fear of the animatronics after charlies incident, is no longer interested in cbby and after having a fight with cc (who she was supposed to stay w bc the funtimes r evil) she leaves him alone, where circus baby kills him (hes still the crying child n shit but he had tried to be brave when it came to circus baby and erm. well we saw how that went for him.

so michael is angry at his dad and his old friends, evan is angry at michael and elizabeth and his dad.

however evan is kind of. doubting himself on the whole revenge thing

evan is after william, while michael is convinced elizabeth working for william. so they do not agree with each other like, ever. because of that they fight a lot and it causes issues.

Evan thinks that william called them there and is planning to snuff him out while he can, while considering his options on killing liz too, but his overall decision is no, she was jsut a kid, but michael thinks shes williams minion and that if they dont stop her than william will come back.

of course miscommunication is what leads to evan having NO FUCKING CLUE THAT WILLIAM IS IN THERE WITH THEM. WHEN EVERYONE ELSE KNEW

of course they were already on bad terms anyways bc michael is a jerk, but now theyre on worse terms and they keep overcomplicating stuff. also evan is mad at michael for the bite of 87 which michael had mangle do to one of his friends as revenge for locking him out to his death

#tzu rambles #swap au

[boypussydilf]

oh my god, talk about the doctor and the master now. i accidentally typoed doctor as cocter at first. cockter. is this anything

the cockter. timecock. i am the doctor and this is my cock. im so sorry. everyone look at my immortal freaks . there are no cocks involved. um originally i wasnt gonna put this post under a readmore bc for some reason i wasnt expecting it to get long but like, it did, so, n. now those sentences r gonna be all anyone sees unless they click through. that’s great

describe their canon relationship/dynamic

BY GOD!!! they’re childhood friends. …i think. i think its said or at least implied that they knew each other As Actual Kids and not, like… however the fuck old they were in The Academy. im saying they knew each other as kids. played in each others backyards or whatever the fuck baby time lords do. anyway. childhood friends childhood BEST friends who Continued to be best friends for the rest of their lives because they’re so similar theyre practically like the same person. except for that the master let the society they were raised in & their own ego get to them and goes around believing they Deserve completely to be obeyed and served and get to do whatever the fuck they Want, and the doctor on the other hand had a granddaughter to take care of and then he meets humans and learns The Wonders Of Compassion by force. They are the same person on different paths and are forced to be enemies because of it. “Forced” by their own decisions and worldviews, but still. They were best friends who promised to Be Together Forever and then they left each other and they both just want to go back to being best friends and doing everything they planned, SO badly, but neither of them is going to budge from their own way of thinking, so all they get is little bits of banter and the hope that maybe they can convert the other one to THEIR side and scraps and echoes of what they could have if they had each other.

And also they try to kill each other. Mostly the master tries to kill the doctor. He actually SUCCEEDED one time but yknow, regeneration.

your ideal/headcanon version of it? how does it differ from how it is in canon & why is this your favorite version? any other alternate versions of it you enjoy?

oh fuck before i do anything else i need to go look for one fic thst isnt actually related to any part of this except being about them I FINALLY FUCKING FOUND IT. GOD. i dont think i have time to reread it tonight though. sad. SO ANYWAY. they are one of those pairs where like. I like them so much for specifically exactly what they are in canon instead of for Potentials and visions i have in my head. they’re perfect the way they are. I mean that technically varies from era to era of the show because different writers but…. the core concept is always pretty much the same and it’s good. they’re good the way they are.

I do have to dedicate a line to the headcanon people have that twelve & missy were fucking in the vault. Sorry. Yknow i think ive seen two different fics where bill refers to it as “the sex vault” in her mind in passing. Reasonable conclusion i guess

what do you like about their relationship, why is it interesting or enjoyable to you?

i like wanting something you can’t have & wishing to go back to something you can never return to, and i like character foils and people who are just variations on the same concept, constant reminders of what you could’ve been if you’d taken 1 different step. and also i like when they make stupid jokes at each other like the fate of the world isnt at stake or like they arent about to fight each other or so on

what about the individual characters involved? what does this relationship mean to them, what makes it unique among their relationships?

*taps literally just the entire summary of their relationship*

Ok that and like …. they both on some level see each other as the only person in the universe who can TRULY understand them. They’re Time Lords for gods sake theyve had superiority complexes ingrained in them since 5 minutes after they were born (or loomed, whatevers to your liking) and even the Doctor isn’t completely immune to like. Oh my massive alien brain and two thousand year life means you humans can never really Get My Feelings. which is sort of fair but not really. And they’re both, like, basically exiled from their home- when their home EXISTS gallifrey is destroyed with all the time lords dead every other week but like the rest of the time it isn’t. anyway they’re both Renegade Time Lords, they decided to Leave and to interfere in the lives of Outsiders and they have broken like every law that exists and they are no longer welcome home. So with both of them thinking they’re Above any other species, as much as the doctor tries not to, and both of them being unable to turn to any other members of their own species, they look at each other and go. You’re the only motherfucker in this universe who can handle me. You’re the only person who can get me. You’re the only place i can go to for real true complete understanding. Please come back to me so we can be bitches together.

they’re also each other’s Exceptions <3 the master will just kill people instantly with no hesitation no second thought and no remorse. and like. Technically regeneration makes it. harder to die. what with the coming back to life thing. but there are ways around that. The master could straight up kill the doctor forever they could’ve done it already if they wanted to. but they don’t bc they care and theyre hoping they can still be friends again. And the doctor tries not to kill people, generally, but some threats outweigh that. If there’s someone with a bomb that can end all life in the universe, and they can’t be reasoned with or incapacitated, but you do have a gun, shoot them in the head. On the other hand, the master poses a very significant threat to a lot of people all the time and the doctors like. ican’t kill them tho. theyre my friend :( Doctor people are dying

favorite interaction they have in canon

the scene in. i think its the sea devils? where they have like a 3 minute long swordfight and towards the end the doctor has the master’s sword and is holding him at swordpoint. stops to steal one of his sandwiches and take a bite. then gives his sword back to keep fighting bc hes having fun.

also like. literally every time they interact in series 10. itsall so fucking good but thats also very nonspecific so mmmm. the whole bit at the end of the eaters of light, with the doctor going “that’s the trouble with hope, it’s hard to resist”, and saying, maybe the master’s turning Good, but maybe it’s all an act, and her agreeing, “yes, that sounds like something I’d do” and it’s so- s10 is so fucking good, man, and they manage to play it JUST right so that up until the last minute you really just… dont… know. maybe the master is actually changing. maybe she really is feeling remorse and remembering compassion maybe she really does want to be good and maybe she really is trying and maybe she really is getting there. but maybe its just an act. a trap. another trick from a master of disguises. a way to get under the doctor’s skin. you can think one way or the other but you can never feel certain until the moment she literally kills her past self to turn around and side with the doctor. to go fight alongside her friend, to go Do Good, despite the fact that she’d be walking directly into a hopeless situation, a certain death, there is no benefit to this there won’t even be a victory and she’s doing it anyway, and maybe she wouldn’t do that on her own, not yet, but she’ll do it to be by her best friend while he makes another one of his stupid, stupid decisions.

and then she dies, and he has no idea she ever turned around. but it’s the thought that counts. without hope, without witness, without reward.

doctor who series 10 is just *clenches fist* god. the master just wants to live. the master just wants their friend back. these are the things that keep coming back. these are some of the most crucial aspects. and. and. and s10 is. she wants those things so badly that she will give up everything else she has, she’ll change her entire life, become a completely different person, however long it takes, however difficult it is, all for those two things. this just became about the master for a while i think. thats ok.

favorite interaction they have in your head/a situation you want to put them in

Oh god oh fuck i dont have anything for this ummm. I am so fucking tired. I want them to take a nap there we go thats it post wrapped thanks for coming everybody

#ough im so- #GOD i know its not gonna happen but can we please get dhawan master written by RTD? #please? please? please? #ghhapgugogugoggih #im dreaming of it. #basilask

[passeriformess]

awesome epic

maples been asleep for the past week/j

eggi is a violent homosexual (proved by eros arrival n introduction

eros thinks tea shop people are Evil bc eggi said so. he does NOT know about the Atrocities 😌

his marbles

in the end this is OUT of order fuck u but gfjdksdjhfgfjdk there be this guy and his museum end guys r all there woahhhhhhhhhhhh and then they escape bc Fuck mr marbles pretentious ass theyre chilling in the eggpire now

oris day out

ori went to get food first going to elysium then the eggpire explores, finds old house then the egg chambers the egg chambers have eggi and eros. oopsies. he got steel chaird by eros and is unconcious bug n scribbl come to see if oris good bc Sus and No. no hes not and then ero NOW knows that woahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh they escape and go into the fuckin Woods checking on ori Ori got fucked over by a chair, loopy fuck they take them back woahhh

BEE IS ITS TRUE

shapeshifter keeping autrea in good shape cursed with the lonely

aw fuck

weenies and batetry go to teashop fix fixa the ori oh fuck theseus hit them with the Deadpan oh fuck argument in the basement Oh soop godbless ori Everyone hug and ate

and then we fucked it up

few days later Argument between thesus and everyone else essentually thesus broke bugs rib after an argument everyone angy thesus got Lectured in the woods by a lizard before loosing lucidity and desiring the mud bitch got thrown into the stables theseus remembers nothing

finale waohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh good arc everyone /j

thesus gave bugby a note saying theyre sorry and cried in the attic with video scibbl n bug r besti es :]

alice and wren reunion except alice thought wren was still egged so she stabbed them and in return scribbles shot her

theseus then made strawberryshortcake for bug

everyone got. truth potioned which made them incapable of lying and rejected impulse things

everyone yelled n cried. everything was. revealed. WOOOOOO (including but not limited to: battery n nerds plan to blow up new solace, wren misses the egg, etc etc) mercury visited and had a crisis godbless FUck you discord user rutabug,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, thankdmfn djad Q_Q (after it when batts was tuckin em in to go speepy they called batts dad :( ) day later theseus got truth potioned. mental eels. recovering in the attic

inch arrived at the tea shop!

she also re-broke bug's ribs on landing, as well as ruined the cake theseus baked for them thus immediately becoming hated by everyone

finch and ori decided to go mining in a cave

but ori fell down a trench and became unresponsive which made finch freak out and call bug and scribbles for help bug and scribbles arrived at the cave and had to fight off a hoard of hostile mobs they found ori busted up and brought him back to the tea shop where finch fixed him with his handy dandy mechanic skills

finch got drunk and got into a fistfight with theseus

also theseus adopted her at some point? finch insulted theseus's parenting skills, and in response, theseus fucking strangled him

the others (mainly nerd) began to question theseus's parenting skills and whether she was fit to look after video (theseus baby)

when theseus heard this, she tried to run away with video until the others were able to talk them back inside (mainly bug n battree)

nerd is old and has numerous health complications which made her pass out

TLDR; finch fucked everything up ^_^

oh ruck ass fuck

theres a battery clone in the teashop now presumed test tube baby 😌 marigold name but doesnt know it yet uh uhuhuhuhuhuhuh

wren has mental illness

snnssnnznsnsnzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ing away.

all sick people have been moved to the 35yo bedroom channel now an infermary!

uh uh uh. battery got shrunk.

marine iguanas can shrink 20% of their mass away when they havent eaten enough Battery doesnt have a set lizard inspo. get fucked whore bug is Threatening them with extortion bad eating habits theyre. not getting fixed for a bit

woahh

uh theseus can see out of one eye otherwise clueless

damn love objectifying men

theseus fixes ori joshthe mechanic is lusted after

oiughgugugguh uhuhuhuhu

bug clone ! shotu out to the test tube babys scribbles came back they go snsnznszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

man theyre just. chilling

maple shared knowldeg

nerd will die at the end of september they said "nerd wont die violently". probably a lie. RIP ! the gods where yyellin at maple as they explained

batts had a nightmare

was the egg and kept waking up to other dreams. yknow the ones "wake up oh im awake nope its another dream" holds up bug……. they Hugged……… chorus got :( beat to death by villain (evil) respawned in minemart bc of attempts to find knowledge about dr stein bug helped take him back to the tea shop

out of order but thumb up

chorus had nightmare

his god consulted him about his "gifts" (eye glitch thing to protect em) and why he struggles he wakes up and questions if he belongs community moment

battery got truth tead

actually went WELL. godbless. ambro and bug just Talked for a bit

his marbles

oh FUCK yeah i vaguely remember seeing the truth stuff happen in notifs

#theseus is a big fan of violence huh #and whats with all the test tube babies kekw (*sniff* LOAR) #ddsmp #ask tag #friends tag #gotta say this is my favourite way of recieving recaps #big fan

[hofudlaus]

Au where Link dies defeating Ganon 100 years ago

#botw #loz #legend of zelda #breath of the wild #zelda #link #loz link #fanart #botw fanart #my art #so its an au where zelda n the campions surive so link wakes up 100 later to a peaceful hyrule #having no memories #so he just fuck around for a while till news of a feral weirdo helping ppl out spreads #n his friends find him again #except theyre all old now n hes still a baby :( #survived au

[heyitsyn]

White Carnation

Ex!Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader

a/n: iwa-chan being your ex is so painful and numbing

huhuhu angst isnt my forte but this is an exception bc chi is my sista

anon request: ex-boyfriend/childhood friend iwaizumi would be super angsty but i have no idea what they’d fight about ,, now imagine if after being kitaichi’s manager/medic, reader becomes karasuno’s medic/temporary manager (until kiyoko got recruited),, then she couldn’t come to the seijoh practice match so she has no idea her team fought her ex,,, only to find out during inter-high and everyone’s like wtf??? that spiky haired ace is your ex?? meanwhile kageyama’s like “yall didn’t know?” — chi

ong this finna be painful

so

its always been the three of you

with living across the oikawas came great perks

even way before you could remember, you were always with the 2 other boys: your neighbor across your house, tooru, and his best friend who practically lived there, hajime

hajime first saw you when you were covered in dirt after you were trying to catch a butterfly for tooru at the back and oikawa pushed you out of the way into a puddle of mud when he saw a bug

iwa stared at you then immediately said ‘my name is iwaijumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

yep thats really how it went

and poor babie didnt know how to pronounce his ‘z’s yet so it sounds like ‘j’s :(

while tooru liked you because you werent like other girls who stayed inside and played dolls instead playing outside

you played with him at his back yard with the volleyball he owned and always made him laugh and have fun

iwa liked you because you didnt shy away from bugs, instead you were braver than tooru and even helped iwa look for any beetles and caught them for him to keep as pets

they liked you because you were like them

you were like one of the bois

but that kinda hurt you in the future

as you all grew up, you started going through yanno teenager things

like you started to have crushes

specifically on your best friend, iwaizumi hajime

thankfully tooru didnt see you like that and still saw you as one of the bois and saw you as that annoying twin sister

but unfortunately, iwa did too

every time you made an effort to do something to emphasize that you were, hello, a girl, he would laugh and tease you

‘hehe i didnt think you even knew what a dress was!’

was his comment when you came over wearing a yellow sundress with flats

tooru, who you shared these secrets with, gave you a worried glance but you smiled, covering up the hurt

‘meh. my mom forgot to dry my clothes so i had to wear these old clothes’

no, they werent old

they were just bought yesterday with the intention of finally being recognized as girl and complimented

but the person it was for, couldnt even be bothered to remember that you werent just one of the boys and that you possibly wanted to be told that you were pretty or cute

your other best friend noticed your quietness and he stood up from his crouching position and placed a hand on your shoulder, making you look at him

your teary eyes made him sigh but he grinned at you

‘its really pretty, y/n-chan! you should wear it more often! pretty things deserve to be seen and complimented’

god why couldnt you have a crush on oikawa tooru instead

why did it have to be towards the boy who was too caught up with catching bugs and playing ball to ever see you differently and has never said a single praise towards you?

‘what do you think, iwa-chan? isnt she pretty?’

oikawa hinted but hajime remained his eyes on the tv as the players hit the ball, too distracted to even be bothered to look at you

‘she looks the same’

he mumbled and your nose stung and eyes watered, looking down to hide the wobbling of your lips

‘its okay, kawa-chan. can i wear your clothes for now? i dont like this dress thats why i never wore it’

oikawa tried to stop you but you were already straight up the stairs and towards his room

he angrily stomped over to iwa and slapped his arm, startling the other boy and him snarling in pain

‘what the-’

‘youre so dumb. youre so mean. i wonder where she went wrong and what she saw. seriously’

he ranted and moved to sit back on the floor but not before kicking iwaizumi, making him fall on his side

‘OI KUSOKA-’

‘so whos winning?’

your voice interrupted iwa’s mid-scream and he looked up from the floor to see you wearing an alien hoodie and a pair of basketball shorts that were a little too loose so they drooped by your knees

your originally curled and elegantly braided hair was now pulled up into a bun by a scrunchie that you left around the house from years ago

there was a bit of redness around your eyes and iwa scrambled up to check if you were okay since your face looked swollen

‘oi, did you eat something weird? your face is all red so youre probably having a reaction’

he fretted and you watched as his hands glided across your face and held you by the shoulders to take a closer look

‘yea, a reaction from a bad reaction’

thankfully iwa was too busy checking to hear oikawa snarkily whisper and you sent him a glare that made him quiet down

‘haji-kun, im fine’

you dismissed and side stepped to go sit next to oikawa, completely brushing him off

now iwa was confused

you would usually smile up at him, say ‘aw~ are you worried about me, haji-kun?’ then skip over 

not frown and act so coldly

‘oi, y/n, what-’

‘lets go to the bakery! theres a sale going on there!’

oikawa shouted which made you jolt in surprise

he knew of his best friend’s beginning interrogation but he knew you were too upset to be bothered by hajime’s questions

‘they have a buy one get one sale on milk bread! and those-those treats you like! theyre on sale too!’

omg oikawa is a real one 🥺

oikawa blinked harshly at you to go along with the act and you stuttered and nodded

‘uh-eung! yea!’

that was probably the moment that iwaizumi started noticing

except he thought it was a pining between his best friends rather than you towards him

ofc iwa was a loyal friend

he thought that you and oikawa were two people who were crushing on each other yet too afraid to say anything

tbh he shouldve seen this coming because duh you were an incredibly pretty girl and oikawa was the handsomest guy in the whole area!

it was almost,,, natural for you both to gravitate towards each other

maybe thats why,,,

he started to distance himself to give you both the space and want without him in between

maybe thats why,,,

he started to feel these feelings of,, jealousy?? like he started to feel a little scared and honestly he wasnt sure who to be jealous of bc he knew once you started dating, you’d both be too busy to hang out with him

maybe thats why,,,

he was no longer your friend 

iwaizumi hajime became a simple stranger you would just pass by in the hall

it happened around the 2nd year of middle school

you and oikawa were still close friends but you have drifted away into not being as close while you and iwaizumi became,,,, distant

basically strangers

the boy you used to dream about when you were 8 and dreamt of marrying once you were old enough

he was no longer him

before, you and iwa were actually really close without oikawa

like you would hang out when oikawa was too busy with takeru

you both would go to the arcade and play games with no fear of oikawa whining and complaining to take turns

you had a lot of fun together and yet, all of a sudden, everything stopped

because iwa knew how,,, possessive oikawa was

he thought that if he were to continue being friends with you, he would risk losing his best friend out of jealousy or misunderstandings and he didnt want that precious bond to be ruined by a girl

even if that girl,,,

was you

thats why it was so awkward when you came over to oikawa’s house after so long and seeing him there, eating breakfast in the kitchen

your best friend didnt want to tell you that iwa spent the night bc quite frankly, oikawa was already fed up with this

you think he didnt know?

you think he didnt know that iwa distanced himself due to an unknown misunderstanding?

you think he didnt know that you also distanced yourself due to being hurt as he casted you aside?

and oikawa was also worried

he didnt want to ever bring up your name with iwa bc to be honest, he didnt think iwa even liked you all that much

he thought that iwa only tolerated you for so long bc you were the only girl who wasnt in love with oikawa and knew you long enough to be comfortable w you

but babie oiks is misunderstood that :(

he didnt want to ever bring up his name with you bc he knew how sensitive it was for you and how sad and pained you were when he suddenly stopped even replying to your texts

one time when you cornered him, he looked angry and gently pushed you back and quickly walked away 

no he was scared that oikawa could see you both and misunderstand

‘just,,, stay away from me, okay? its better this way’

god you wanted to scream at him and shout at him and punch him but he kept silent and refused to answer your questions and refused to acknowledge your existence

you were so confused and you were just so hurt and eventually, you became indifferent to him and treated him the same way

anyways

you stepped into the house, not even bothering to shout your arrival and quickly wandered through the hallway before turning the corner to go to the kitchen 

but you stopped, seeing the familiar hair with olive eyes eating breakfast on the kitchen island, also stopping with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth at the sight of you

your gazes clashed and you blinked before your lips formed into a thin line, turning and going to the fridge and look for food

iwa wasnt surprised

he figured you were both getting closer to dating and you were already basically living in his house

it all makes sense

BRUH THEYVE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE THEY WERE LTR BORN LIKE BLS THEYRE JUST SIBLINGS

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

‘h-how are you’

he mumbled, trying to fix the awkward silence while cursing inside of how long oikawa was taking to shit

you hummed, taking a water bottle and slamming the fridge door shut, harder than necessary

‘oh, now you see me?’

you really didnt mean for it to be a snarky comment but it came out before you even realized what you said

he winced

‘listen, im-’

‘oh? youre here, y/n-chan!’

oikawa’s voice cut him off and he returned back to his bowl of rice, leaving you standing there furrowing your brows

you shrugged, already knowing that hajime was like this, so you turned to look at oikawa with a wrinkled nose at the sound of the toilet flushing

‘tooru, did you drink straight milk again? you know how it makes your stomach upset’

you chided and tooru turned red at the implication of his dookie

‘o-oi! y/n-chan! of course id know if i was lactose intolerant!’

i just think how funny it would be like the irony of his love for milk bread yet being lactose intolerant at the same time 

he huffed and you nodded but not exactly believing him

‘kay kay’

you teased and walked to the living room but oikawa caught you in a headlock and he ruffled your hair while you complained and whined to let you go

you were giggling as tooru was giving you noogies, feeling the tension leave your body

all while iwa was watching

maybe it was because he stopped hanging out with you and havent seen you like this for almost  a year

so carefree and so happy as you scored higher than him at the hoop game and he would begrudgingly let you hug him when he managed to win you a doll from the claw machine

but yea he definitely forgot your smile

he forgot how it looked like bc the last time you met gazes, you sent him a hurt glance and looked away and he knew he deserved that

god he hated it

but no, he was doing this for tooru

he was doing this because his best friend liked someone who actually deserved him

but dear god why did it hurt

iwa was starting to wonder if he made the right choice

he could easily handle you two dating

right?

maybe that was when iwa started to realize,,, he was starting to feel different towards you

the time apart definitely made him remember why he was friends with you

you weren’t like those girls he saw in tv or outside with the frilly clothes and the makeup and the fancy hair

no that wasnt you

you were different

you were too lazy to even pick out a cute outfit, opting for comfort with one of their sweatshirts and sweatpants

you preferred to chase after butterflies rather than sitting inside bc hajime’s adventurous spirit latched itself on to you too

you would usually climb the tree to get the volleyball that got stuck up in the branches bc tooru was too scared of heights and you wanted to prove your strength and capability

god you were so different

what if you liked him instead?

iwa startled himself with that thought in the middle of eating and caused him to choke on his rice

tooru noticed him coughing violently so he grabbed the water bottle from your hand and threw it straight towards the boy

iwa snapped the cap open,not caring where that water came from, and chugged it down before sighing in relief after the quite scary situation

you then realized what happened and you turned red, speedwalking into the living room

oiks totally didnt do that on purpose and he was doing the lenny face at you before switching masks and wearing a worried one for iwa

‘iwa-chan! you need to slow down!’

he chided and iwaizumi yelled at him to be quiet, completely clueless to the fact that he just shared an indirect kiss with you

but you did and lordie did you hate it

from then on,,,

iwa was just seeing you everywhere

iwa saw you from his classroom when you would go hang out with your new friends outside 

he noticed you not even being too loud, only speaking up when asked while the others opted to continue talking about nonsense you probably gave no care about with how you secretly rolled your eyes

those moments made him laugh

the next time you both ran into each other was during his morning practice

oikawa phoned you in the morning while you were getting ready, saying he accidentally left his knee pads at home and he was already at school but you werent so he wanted you to bring them to him

you knew damn well that iwaizumi hajime would be there but you didnt care because youre not even friends anymore after he just dropped you like that

YES SISTER WE DESERVE BETTER

so thats why you found yourself pushing the metal gym door open at 6 in the morning and shouting oikawa’s name

his eyes brightened at your voice and he dropped the ball to run towards you by the door

‘oh my god thank you so much, y/n-chan!’

he shouted and hugged you out of excitement while you cringed and hit him to get off of you

‘ew dont touch me trashykawa’

you mumbled and he whined, finally stepping away with a pout

iwa was watching you both from the side and he blinked, wondering if you were trying a new hairstyle

if not, then you changed something bc currently, you practically glowing to him

he watched you scold oikawa for being forgetful and him begging for forgiveness but also thanking you before he was scoldede again by the coach

but the coach was relieved that he could finally play with the proper equipment and not risk anymore injuries

oikawa was already bidding you good bye and you were about to turn to leave when you finally met the many gazes of iwaizumi hajime

your eyebrows unconsciously furrowed together and your lips turned to a frown then you sharply turned and walked through the doors

unbeknownst to him, oikawa watched as his best friend’s face turned hurt at your expression and remained staring at the door you just went out of even when you were already gone

‘iwa-chan, lets get to practice’

after that 

iwa has concluded god has decided to be mean to him

bc who was giving him these weird heart attacks and tummy aches at the simple sight of you?

literally he ignored you for a good time yet now hes noticing you again?

what kinda unfairness-

but you proved to accept his previous behavior by not even giving him a single glance anymore

that made him sad so iwa would sometimes stop doing what hes doing so he could freely stare at you laugh at something a classmate said during class

thats totally not creepy iwa lol

he doesnt even know hes doing it sometimes bc hes so absorbed on trying to figure out the answers of his questions

but the worst was when he got caught

you sat at the very front and oikawa and iwa sat at the back 

it was lunchtime and you were eating with a few girls and a guy from another class and yall were laughing and talking together

iwa had oikawa and these other guys makki and matsukawa from the class next door to eat lunch with

can i please just dream that our third year seijoh boys were actually friends since the very beginning like pls and thanks

oikawa was rambling about how some girl giving him cookies the other day when he noticed iwa not listening but staring at you while moving his chopsticks around

poor iwa-chan was confused as to how even with messy hair, you still looked beautiful?

like no matter what angle or how you turned, the light always seemed to hit you perfectly to accent out your features

how was that possible?

‘-and she just-iwa-chan? iwaizumi?’

he called out and said boy jolted, eyes widening at the confused, bored, and knowing eyes

‘hm?’

‘oh? were you looking at y/n-chan?’

oikawa teased and the gojira fanboy waved his hands around to deny that statement

but makki chuckled and leaned in

‘hm, wouldnt blame ya. shes really pretty you know? some guy in our class saw the girls ranking and shes in the top 5′

okay iwa was angry

was it because everyone else noticed how pretty you are?

was it because you were part of this list?

was it because his own friend said you were pretty?

why did he even care anyways?!

oikawa smirked at the clenched fist under the table and decided to poke fun even more

‘oh really? well, it doesnt really matter because its always the girl’s decision right? but most of the time, their choice is utter trash’

the meme duo shared a confused look

‘hah? what are you going on about, oikawa’

oikawa internally apologized to you after what hes about to do because hes so tired and exhausted of having to be so careful and walking on eggshells between you two

so he did an oikawa move

‘yanno how y/n-chan and i have been friends since we were little ducklings right? so ages ago, like ages ago, little y/n-chan had a crush on this brute bc for some reason she thought he was brave or something and apparently thats appealing to girls rather than the nice and gentlemanly type. but of course, yanno how this goes, he pooped up and now hes stuck on doing this weird stalking staring thing. right, iwa-chan~?’

okay im sorry i take it back oikawa is a bitch

iwa shook

you,,, had a what on who?!

a crush on him?!

is he the brute?!

so it wasnt oikawa?

it was to him?

then why did you act like that?

why did you both act like that?

‘what’

iwaizumi mumbled and he met oikawa’s pointed gaze

‘hmm,,,, you dont have to worry about it anymore though since theyre not even friends anymore. but listen to me and listen well, makki, mattsun, if you hurt a girl even once, theyre never going to forget it. my sister said that apparently theres this little voice in their head that tells them that theyre going to get hurt again and thats where their trust issues begin to develop and--IWA-CHAN WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!’

iwa was already out of his seat and straight walking towards you and your group before stopping beside your chair

your friends quieted down at the sight of the known boy and you blinked then turned your head to see him, your eyes instantly turning dark and looking away immediately

‘what the hell do you want’

you hissed and natsu almost choked on his rice ball if it wasnt for another girl patting his back

‘it was me, right? all along, not oikawa, but me?’

his meek voice made you look up in confusion

‘what are you talking-’

‘you chose me instead him’

then it was like a click that you realized what he said

‘how did you know’

‘i-i’

he stuttered but was cut off when the teacher finally arrived to announce the end of lunch and iwa was forced to go back to his seat

the whole class time, you would sneak glances back and iwa would be staring at his paper while oikawa would wink at you and give you smirks

OH GOD HE TOLD HIM

after class you stomped up to the brunette haired boy 

‘how could you?! why did you tell-’

‘lets talk, y/n? please?’

iwa was holding your arm and you glared at him before turning away and walking away

oikawa patted him on the shoulder in good luck and whispered,

‘get your girl’

the rooftop ledge looked really delicious right now

no words were exchanged so you were both just silent with you staring at him while he was looking off to the side

‘so what? now you know and so what do you want?’

you spoke first and iwa guiltily met your eyes

‘everything was,,, a mess. i misunderstood and i didnt communicate and i,,, messed up’

he mumbled the last part but you caught it perfectly causing you to scoff

‘damn right you did. so now you know and then youre going to do the cliche thing they do in those dramas where you magically profess your love for me and-’

‘hey y/n lets date’

you froze and looked at him shocked with wide eyes and jaw dropped

‘excuse me? who are you to say that?!’

you shrieked

‘first you think i have some big crush on tooru and this caused you to basically drop me like a damn pencil and second youre asking me to date you? iwaizumi hajime i thought you were always the smarter one. what the hell are you spouting you damn imbecile-’

iwa did the only thing he thought of

he quickly leaned forward and pecked your lips

he saw some guy do it in a telenovela that his mom watched a week ago and that was how the girl got silent so iwa thought it would be smart to shut you up that way

and it worked

bc you were so conflicted: angry, confused, sad, happy

you was the whole range of emotions in one second

‘i was stupid. and i was dumb. i wanted to give you and shittykawa space because i thought he liked you and he would be mad and misunderstand if we continued hanging out without him. but you shouldve told me you liked me, baka. maybe i wouldve come to like you back’

iwa rambled but your eyes watered and you huffed, slapping him across the face but pulled his collar to kiss him again

tbh iwa was shook bc he got 2 kisses in a row today and hes never been kissed before and its from this really pretty girl

‘how dare you kiss me and still not like me’

you seethed when you pulled away

but iwa held your hands

‘im starting to come to. give me time and i’ll accept your confession’

and give him time you did bc you finally were able to try and mend that friendship again and soon, you were already starting to fall back in love with him 

but iwa also

during the end of your 2nd year, iwa nervously tugged you to the rooftop and you smirked

‘what? you gonna profess your love for me haji-kun?’

you teased and expected him to laugh and smack you gently but he didnt

he turned red and he looked down at his shoes as he magically produced a flower out of nowhere

‘please accept me, y/n!’

he shouted while holding out the single white carnation

your eyebrows scrunched and you grabbed the flower from his hands before punching him weakly

‘stupid! stupid haji-kun! i already accepted you! since we were five! how could you not see my feelings’

you whimpered, trying to hide the blush on your face but he smothered you to a hug, making you both topple over in the process

you had the cliched term of ‘summer love’

of course you still hung out with tooru but you both would hang out other days just you both

like you and iwa liked going over to some old playground by your house and you both would watch the sky on top of the slide assembly while talking about stupid stuff and the future

‘haji-kun, do you know what you want to be when youre old?’

you asked and he turned his head to look at you but you were focused on the stars

‘gojira’

he simply replied and you giggled, reaching over to hit his chest

‘baka. you cant be gojira-san’

iwa found himself giggling with you before he reached down to softly interwine your fingers and hold them up to look at them

��hm, i dont really know. maybe a volleyball player. or someone in the volleyball team, i dont know’

you hummed, knowing him and tooru’s shared love for the sport

‘i wanna be a doctor. i want to save lives and help people and make money too! my mothers friend offered to intern me but apparently im still too young’

you pouted

iwa listened to you but then a lightbulb rang in his head

‘oi, y/n’

he started and you looked at him

‘you can be our manager. or medic. or doctor person. that bastard is going to push himself even harder because naoki-senpai gave him that damn position and he might kill himself trying to beat that farmer dude. besides, shittykawa is going to be the captain next year and i’ll be vice so youd easily get it anyways. so you in?’

you blinked at him before breaking out to a smile

‘eung! i wanna see my baby play what he loves!’

iwa’s face contorted to disgust

‘bABy?! iM nOt a BABY! im A mAn!! mAN!!’

‘mhm, okay. my mans, haji bara arms is my mans’

your relationship is very balanced with the perfect ratio of crackhead and seriousness and understanding bc as we ALL KNOW EVERYTHING STARTED W A MISUNDERSTANDING

like if he accidentally said something that hurt your feelings like that dress incident from years ago btw you brought it up to him and told him you were practically traumatized by that and he kept on apologizing and appearing at your doorstep with a white carnation in apology you would gently tell him bc communication is K E Y and he would tell you sorry and you guys would understand and make up

you guys were so lovey dovey that ltr oikawa would fake gag and throw up to the side when he catches you guys even doing things like holding hands

like bls he sees that flesh to flesh contact and he wretches his breakfast

‘ew, its the settling down for me’

‘its the flatness of the ass for me’

you stuck your tongue out while he pouted and iwa looked so proud like oml

you guys were still at the honeymoon phase where everything was peaches and rainbows and it continued until your 3rd year

as mentioned above, iwa basically gave you the managerial position

like yall were walking to school during the first day talking about how worried yall were at passing your classes when suddenly he was all like ‘ill see you in the gym later?’

you smiled and blinked confusingly

‘hm? you want a cheerleader there, baby?’

he flushed red at the nickname and furrowed his eyebrows

‘baka, stop calling me that’

you giggled and dodged his gentle smack but he grabbed your hand and pulled you close to his chest

‘i thought we already agreed that you would be our medic slash manager? i mean, it could give you experience for the future right?’

you rested your chin on his front to look up at him and your face held a teasing smirk

‘hmmm~~~ haji-kun just admit it. you want me to be there to cheer you on~’

you teased and nuzzled your cheek on him

iwa scoffed but he couldnt help a soft smile appearing

‘i mean-yea, but its for the future so ill help you every way i can’

‘oya? the future? will you marry me in the future, haji-kun?’

‘MARRY?! HOW DID YOU GET MARRY OUT OF THAT, BRAT’

‘AAWWWWW DONT BE SUCH A TSUNTSUN HAJI-KU-ACKDKJFSLKJNOT THE HAIR!!!’

sure enough you were at the gym after school

the coaches knew you werent a fangirl of oikawa bc hes seen you since the very beginning and oikawa clears you are actually a sister to him and you were fit for the job

ofc hes captain and someone as good as oikawa was going to get what he wants

the gym was full of newbies and recruits hoping to get into the powerhouse team and your eyes scanned to find those ridiculously pretty olive eyes that belonged to your beloved-

‘HAJI-KUN~~!!!’

you waved and shouted loudly, gaining his and everyone else’s attention as well

the underclassmen cooed and awed at you bc their senpai who was famous for being really pretty was in the building

‘waaaa its l/n-senpai’

‘shes so pretty’

‘oMG shes righT iN FroNT oF me!!’

yea you get the gist

the poor ‘haji-kun’ was shrinking under the attention and was growling at oikawa’s teasing look but he begrudgingly held his arms out for you to run into them and snuggle into him

‘hmmm i missed you, haji-kun. im really sad we’re in different classes this year. but then again! i can be here with you!’

you pouted and he ruffled your hair affectionately

‘why else do you think i offered it brat’

oikawa rolled his eyes and gagged before taking your arm to the coach so he could sort you out

‘honestly! not in front of the children, okay?!’

but everything was quickly resolved and you were finally officially their manager/medic

you did managerial duties and you were the go-to when someone falls harshly or gets hurt in any way

in between homework, school, reading medical books, and practice, you and iwa havent spent a lot of time together and tbh that was quite straining your relationship??

like it was something that you saw coming and you both even had a talk about it but you still feel like you didnt prepare enough when it did come

one day, it was monday and there was no practice so you and iwa were walking home together

he squeezed your hand occassionally and you would sing and hum while walking

and omg his heart would balloon up when you would smile up at him and giggle when you would catch him staring

he honestly thought youd both hang out and just lay on the couch, snuggle, yanno the routine

but once you pulled out your textbooks, notebooks, and pens, he was confused

like he even held your hands and stopped you from pulling anything else out

‘y/n? i thought we were,, watching a movie or something?’

you blinked and shook your head

‘i need to study for a test and i still need to memorize how to treat a sprain, haji-kun. there’s more important things to do right now. maybe later?’

more important things?!

more important than showering you with love?

more important than even spending a second with him?

now, dont get him wrong, iwaizumi hajime was by no means a clingy and possessive boyfriend

he understood the boundaries and he understood the priorities

but dear god its been WEEKS since he even hung out w you since your entire schedule seemed to throw him out of loop and acted as if he didnt exist

and now, he was aggrivated and irritated and he wanted nothing but to just cuddle his girlfriend

you noticed his huff and pout but he remained silent

you quirked an eyebrow and placed your pen down

‘haji? whats wrong?’

his eyes snapped to you and you knew now he was angry

‘oh? were you able to spare a few seconds for dear old me?’

you were taken aback and you knew there was a fight brewing so you hid your growing irritation and calmly put your things aside

‘hajime, what are you on about?’

you pried and he looked shocked, almost offended

‘what am i on about? what am i on about? y/n, do you know the last time i even came over? the last time i held you and just talked?’

his voice got louder by every word and you quickly stood up 

‘dont you dare raise your voice at me, hajime. if we have a problem, we talked over it calmly. we dont yell or shout, nothing gets resolved. we talked about this’

but he scoffed

‘talked? when was that? when did we actually just talk? hm? because I sure as hell dont remember it’

youve only seen hajime angry once and it was when you lied to him to go spend time with oikawa

okay in your defense, oikawa was having a panic attack and he begged you not to tell iwa because he didnt want to be scolded by iwa even though you kept telling him that iwa wasnt like that

and theres a reason as to why its only been a one-time thing because iwa was known to have patience that was as long as the damn nile river

except for oikawa bc it seems oikawa just cuts that patience by a million

and when he finally snaps, its when he couldnt take it anymore and he finally gets loose

when iwaizumi hajime was angry,  you really done it

you didnt really know how you handled that anger so you were at a loss and you were feeling conflicted and pained at the way he looked at you

‘h-hajime,,,’

you started and he looked at you expectantly

‘well? when did we last actually talk outside the school premises y/n?’

there was that inner witty voice of yours that wanted to say ‘right now?’ but you held it in bc he was completely serious

‘hajime, please understand. i-i dont want to let anyone down! my grades! the team! i-’

‘but what about me, y/n?’

he tiredly asked

‘do those things-those people- matter more than me? and i really really dont want to ask that but im so so confused y/n’

despite sounding manipulative, you knew iwa was feeling defeated and he couldnt help but ask those questions and sound so desperate

so you scrambled to sit next to him on the couch and held him against you

‘of course you matter to me-haji you mean everything to me, you understand? god, if an adult hears me theyd think im crazy but i love you, hajime. i love you and im so sorry if i ever made you feel that way because i really didnt mean to, okay? im so sorry’

you sobbed and he turned to fully envelop you into his arms and he sighed contently, remembering how good it felt to have you right there

‘no, im sorry, doll. i was being clingy and i didnt mean to lash out, i-’

you slightly let go and cupped his face

‘nonono you were perfectly valid. what you felt was perfectly reasonable. i havent been a good girlfriend lately, huh?’

you sadly smiled but he kissed you, holding you even closer

‘youre always a good one to me. always. just with a not good schedule but we can fix that, right?’

SORRY I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE A FIGHTING SCENE BC ITS ANGSTY AND I DONT DO WELL WITH ANGST BC IT MAKES ME CRY 😭

tbh that was really your only big fight

even when you guys graduated middle school, you both were still quite happy and you both worked hard to make time for each other

HOWEVER

when high school arrived, you both had chosen an extremely hard decision

you chose to go to karasuno while oikawa and iwa went to seijoh

which was a,,,, hard and difficult decision

in fact, you both didnt have a fight per se, just a disagreement that ended in like 30 minutes lmao

tbh its so scary and concerning of how rarely you both have bad times and how quickly it gets resolved

BUT THEN AGAIN THIS IS AN ANGST REQUEST SO ILL OF COURSE BRING IN THE SADNESS

you were busy with karasuno and you were actually taking college courses since you wanted to have a good record if you ever wanted to get into a medical field

that meant you had a lot of homework and most of your time was spent with schoolwork or interning for that family friend mentioned earlier

and you were also a manager for the volleyball team bc karasuno is a butt and they require you to have an after school club

so that meant,,,

no time for iwa

and fate just so happens to hate you bc the days you did have off, he would be busy with volleyball and he wouldnt be able to spend time with you

even weekends were like that

eventually, you both went for 2 months with no contact, just a few text messages and calls

and that strained your former strong relationship

and you knew that iwa was getting angry again with how he even typed his responses

‘want me to bring over snacks for the team?’

‘its okay. wouldnt want you to waste time or anything’

like that type of bull

you were getting increasingly worried because you havent had a good proper time to talk to him about it and you didnt want to fight over the phone

your best friend, kiyoko, noticed your anxious ticks and she snapped you out of your current daydream

‘hey? y/n? you okay?’

she gently asked and you blinked before nodding

‘mhm. just,,, thinking’

but she didnt buy that lie because you went back to chewing your lips and eyes even watering

‘i can revise your notes for you, y/n. and the team isnt doing anything big so i can handle it. you just go see him after school bc i cant handle you being sad anymore’

kiyoko gently smiled and you almost cried bc finally! you were able to clear your schedule enough to go visit your boyfriend

at the end of the school day, you bolted out of there and you were running and huffing all the way to seijoh bc you really wanted to talk to him as soon as possible

the gym was clear in view and you smiled, looking forward to seeing your beloved boy, when you saw him and oikawa being surrounded by girls

now keep in mind, youve suffered through middle school with oikawa and you were his best friend and has known him since you were a toddler

so you know of his looks and the attraction it brought him from all the females

so that didnt really bother you 

but what bothered you was the horde of girls that stuck on to your boyfriend and he didnt even look bothered

just,,, blank

not even pushing away or feeding into their actions

just,,, standing there

‘haji?’

you called out and as if he had a built-in sensor for you, his ears twitched and he swiveled to look at you

‘y/n’

he breathed out and you smiled gently

iwa quickly moved away from the girls and he grabbed your hand so you both could go somewhere else to talk privately

the back of the gym was quiet and you leaned against the wall, iwa joining you shortly

‘how-how are you?’

you asked and he scoffed, totally surprising you

‘is this how we are y/n? asking each other questions as if we’re friends who are meeting for the first time in a while? wait--actually we are arent we?’

you grimaced and looked to the side, knowing he starts his stages of anger with being passive aggressive

‘haji,, please understand’

you pleaded and swiveled to stand in front of him

iwa didnt meet your eyes, instead shoving his hands in his pants pockets and eyes trained to his shoes as he kicked rocks

‘y/n, ive been trying,, for months ive been understanding. please dont ask me to understand anymore’

he snipped and you sniffed

‘im doing this because-because my grades are starting to matter! my future is resting on these years! i have to-’

‘dont you think i know that?!’

he cut you off harshly

your eyes were shaking at his attempt to calm himself down and his trembling hands

‘dont you think i know that you are doing this for that? because ive known you since i was five y/n and i know you would push everything-everyone- else aside to reach a damn goal of yours. no matter the cost, as long as you get it, right? well youve always been like that and somehow i still accepted that yet years later here we are’

iwa waved his arms around to accentuate his point and hurt was bubbling inside your chest at a subtle jab at your flaw

‘well im sorry mr. volleyball ace player! im not talented in any area so i have to depend on my studies to get me a future! so fck me for trying to survive and create a life for us!’

‘us?! how is this for us?! y/n we cant even last a single year being apart and youre already thinking ahead of the future?!’

‘im doing this for you! for us! just wait hajime! we will be happy-’

‘I DONT CARE IF ITS FOR THE FCKING FUTURE! I WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! AND WHY DOES THE FCKING FUTURE MATTER SO DAMN MUCH WHEN WE CANT EVEN-’

‘BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!’

you shrieked

‘HOW CAN YOU LOVE ME IF YOURE NOT LOVING ME?!’

he huffed and harshly wiped away tears that fell

your lips trembled, hands shakingly reaching out to grasp his arms

‘ha-hajime,, don-’

‘should we break up?’

was he asking you this right now? 

seriously?

‘what?’

you whispered and he finally looked up to let you see his pained eyes

‘y/n do you know what day it was yesterday?’

he asked and you blinked, looking everywhere as you tried to remember any important events

‘t-tuesday?’

that seemed to snap his patience 

with an angry grunt, he turned to punch the wall and crouch to hide his face in his hands

‘damn it, y/n’

he whimpered and your heart broke as you could hear his cries

then it clicked

anniversary

it was your 2nd anniversary

and you completely missed it

completely forgotten

you shrunk back and let out a cry before placing a hand over your mouth to muffle your cries

‘ha-haji-’

you sniffled and you tried to go closer to him but he wiped his eyes and stood back up

‘y/n lets break up’

iwa requested with a cracked smile

your eyes widened and you ran to his chest, wrapping your arms around him as if you let go, he would disappear

‘haji, we can talk about this! we cant-please dont do this-i can fix this-’

‘we will only hurt ourselves even more if we continue this. i dont want us to hurt anymore y/n. so please, for once, listen to me’

your heart shattering cries filled your space and he didnt think it was this hard until he finally said it

it was a decision that he has been hanging around for a while and even consulted oikawa about it

‘iwa-chan, if you love y/n so much, its best to let her go. dont make you both suffer anymore’

‘i cant-hajime youre it for me-please dont leave-’

you hiccuped and continued to sob

but iwa remained a pillar and squeezed you tightly against him

‘darling i believe we were meant to be. but we just did it all wrong. when the time is right, lets start over again’

he whispered, finally breaking down with you in his arms

-------

iwaizumi hajime became a taboo word for you

even with oikawa, he swore and vowed to never say either of your names and made sure that you would not be around the area when iwa would come over

like even when he knew iwa would just stay inside, he would be constantly on the lookout to make sure you both didnt see each other

the last time was when you both saw each other in the morning as you exited your house to walk to school

it must’ve been a few months after the breakup and even oikawa felt the raw pain hovering in the air

it was suffocating and oikawa had to motion you to walk because if you both stayed even a second, someone-or both- would start crying

you continued like that for years until you reached your third year

you continued being part of the volleyball team as the medic while kiyoko was the manager

the new recruits were causing up a storm and you were particularly fond of your kita kouhai kageyama tobio

‘kageyama? kageyama tobio?’

you asked once you caught sight of the familiar looking blueberry

he looked up and recognized you as his former manager

‘l/n-senpai!’

he shouted and you ran up to give the boy a hug

‘gosh! youre so tall now! i remembered when you were wee tall!’

you teased and ruffled his hair

‘uh-you know him, y/n?’

suga asked and you nodded

‘eung! we went to the same middle school and i was a manager there’

‘she was friends with iwa-’

ope

something flashed in your eyes 

kiyoko knew that name bc of how you were so depressed about it for 2 years and she started shouting random nonsense, scaring the 2nd and first years

‘y/n! we got new medical tape!’

she sang out and you perked up

‘finally?! we dont have to use duct tape anymore?!’

you excitedly ran over and everyone was both shook that kiyoko was loud and two, you were actually excited over medical tape

kageyama shrugged and continued on training

he kinda figured something happened so he never said anything or asked you anything in fear of upsetting you

and when it was announced that you were going to a practice match with seijoh, kiyoko actually told you she would cover it to make sure you dont see him there

‘its fine, y/n, i got you’

but ofc, you couldnt skip inter high

ltr an event when anyone in the team could get injured so you forced yourself to just ignore it and go

you did a good job of hiding whenever he was in view until the time they actually faced each other

you were walking alongside kiyoko and settling some things down at the bench when you felt his stare

you grimaced at his intense stare and the entire team mistakenly took it as him being interested in you

‘HAH?! LOOK AWAY YOU BEANSPROUT!’

noya growled

‘YEA! DONT LOOK!’

ofc hinata echoed

the 3 seijoh third years exchanged looks of unease when iwa sighed and looked away

‘oi! dont do that, boke!’

kageyama chided and hit the orange boy with a water bottle at the head

hinata whined and glared at him

‘that porcupine was looking at l/n-senpai! he wants to steal her!’

‘boke-’

‘doesnt matter anyways. we broke up ages ago’

you tried to say it jokingly but they couldnt miss the crack in your voice

‘hah?! he broke up with you?! you?! goddess l/n-san?!’

tanaka raged and noya had his own face of shock

the famous seijoh ace dated you?!

this handsome bara arms muscle buff man had the priviledge to date you and yet broke up with you?!

‘yall didnt know that?’

kageyama questioned and everyone glared at him

‘how do you know’

‘i just did. i didnt want to say anything for this same reason that you guys didnt know and she wouldnt want her business out there’

he simply replied and continued filing his nails

you looked up and smiled

‘it doesnt matter anymore. it was years ago so its fine’

‘L/N-SAN WE WILL AVENGE YOU!’

‘WE WILL! WE WILL!!’

the three stooges swore and you smiled softly, ruffling each boy’s hair

‘then go out there and make me proud’

but we know how this goes

they lost and you were so devastated for the others and you dropped your bag to go and comfort a crying hinata

‘sshh, dont cry dont cry. im right here’

you cooed and he accepted your embrace, hugging you tightly

once he finally calmed down, you were able to get him to a good enough condition to walk to the bus to go home

you went back to get your bag when you found something on top of it

a single white carnation

and a small ripped piece of paper that said,

‘my name is iwaizumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

a/n: iknowiknowiknow i died but im not back to life and this request was lowkey difficult and i dont think i did a good job w it because angst always gets too angsty for me but i couldnt resist giving this a sad ending like bls!!! and uwu im still working on that oikawa route bc ya girl cant decide how angsty she wants it to beeee and i have like 4 different versions of the route in my drafts hehehe,,,, but i hope yall liked this and uwu ive never been in a serious relationship before so i wouldnt know what to fight about and came up with this:(

#iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi #iwaizumi hajime imagines #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi imagines #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #iwaizumi hajime angst #iwaizumi hajime fluff #iwaizumi angst #iwaizumi fluff #haikyuu angst #iwa chan #iwaizumi hajime fanfic #haikyuu fanfic #iwaizumi fanfic #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!! #haikyuu!! angst

[mypimpademia]

Bakugo, Todoroki, and Shinso quarantining w black s/o

Bakugo x Todoroki x black!reader x Shinso

TW: Swearing, refers to sexual activities at the end of each of them

Note: Yes, I did do most of this stuff in quarantine. [And they're aged up as always]

BAKUGO

He honestly feels like he's losing his shit

And he probably would if he did have you with him

You guys are staying up all night and watching Wild n Out, Basic to Bougie, 90 Day Fiance, all that shit

And of course Bad Girls Club

He claims he hates 90 Day Fiance and BGC, but he stays watching that shit, even if he has the remote or youre on his phone

His sleep schedule is fucked up

And by fucked up, I mean its a few hours past the old man's bed time

He goes to bed at 1 am now instead of 9 pm

But still wakes up at 9 am

He took a leave on hero work because of covid

He loves his job almost as much as he loves you (aw💖)

But hes not gonna risk his health for it

"Fuck all that bullshit, as much as I love my job, I'm staying my ass in this house. And you are too. I'll be damned if you catch it, especially if its from me."

Yall only go out once a week

He could minimize it to once every other week, but he tried that and it almost drove him crazy

There aren't any exceptions unless there's an emergency

Makes you wear gloves and use a reusable mask that he washes as soon as yall get home

And you get mostly essentials but he'll ask you if you want candy or anything and he'll buy a big box of brownie mix if you like brownies just to hold you over for a while

Also stocks up on meds like pain killers and allergy pills

No fucks given, he will hit up different stores for toilet paper

"WHY ARE ALL THESE FUCKIN IDIOTS TAKING THE TOILET PAPER?? I KNOW DAMN FUCKIN WELL YALL DONT SHIT THAT MUCH, AND HALF OF YALL PROBABLY DONT EVEN WIPE."

Hes gonna experiment with cooking more now that he has time

Writes down all the recipes that work out

Youre his taste tester so you best believe you bouta be eatin good 😌

If you want your hair done he'll order it online unless yall are already out

Hes gonna make sure that you're eating good and feeling okay because these are tough times 🥺

But hes gonna do it in his own way and act like he's not concerned

"Hey idiot, do you wanna pass out? You haven't been drinking water today, I can tell. I'm getting you a full cup, you better drink it all."

"You haven't eaten anything today, I'm making you dinner."

"Your hair is dry, come here so I can help you put oil on it. I keep telling you to take care of it, ill laught at you if you go bald." He wont

Also has you work out with him do you can stay in shape

Libido?

Yessir

Every other day, anywhere (except in public because hes not about to get sick), at anytime

It goes 50/50

Sometimes its just because hes in the mood

Other times hes feeling really soft and wants to show you that he loves you

All in all its a mixture of Bakugo losing his shit and loving you all in one

TODOROKI

He's pretty chill about it

Just super bored

Starts watching BGC, binges Basic to Bougie and 90 Day Fiance

Oddly enough he really enjoys watching Love & Hip Hop????

He finds it interesting

Especially likes Cardis season because its funny and hella memes came out of it

Don't get me wrong tho I aint a Cardi stan but you gotta admit that she's mad funny im a barb at heart tho

His crackhead really comes out over quarantine

He'll start referencing random ass memes

Hes mostly on leave for hero work unless they really need him

In that case he wears a mask and gloves out

When he gets home the first thing he does is reference BGC

"WHATS UP BAD BITCHES"

And thats how you know he's home

Goes to bed at like 1:30 - 2 am

Only because he doesn't want to be passed out if he's needed for hero duties

Goes out every other week

Mainly for basic essentials, but if you want a little extra he'll buy it

Anything else he'll buy online

Also goes to other stores to buy more toilet paper

Figured out that hes really good at crochets

So if you want your hair done he'll order any crochets you want off Amazon and do them for you

Takes care of you and makes sure your doing well all together

"Did you eat today baby?"

"How much water have you had today?"

"Have you been putting oil on your hair?"

Lotsss of cold soba

But he cooks a few other things so that its not the same thing 24/7

Asks Fuyumi for help when he doesn't know how to cook something super well

If you're the type to go to bed hella late, he'll make sure you sleep a full 8 hours

Even if you wake up after 5 he'll ask you to take a nap with him

Has you work out with him every now and then so you can both stay healthy

Not too much libido

He didn't get in the mood like that even before quarantine

Its not every other day like Bakugo though

More like twice a week

Anymore than that and it'll probably be because you needed it rather than him

If its after a mission it'll be slower just so he can show you how much he loves and appreciates you for being someone he can come home to and just being you

If its more spontaneous he'll be slightly rough but still a pretty slow

But it's a lot of crackhead Todoroki and soft Todoroki

SHINSO

He's doing fine

Just more bored than usual

I feel like Shinso likes cartoons so hes rewatching a bunch of childhood cartoons

Steven Universe, Adventure Time, Regular Show, all that good shit

Lotsss of cartoon quotes

Yall are having a pillow fight and he grabs 2 pillows and claps you?

"Cheatin ass bitch."

"Street rules, man." (Regular Show quote for those who don't know)

Please sing the bacon pancake song (Adventure Time) with him while yall make breakfast

He'll be so happy

If you do something stupid hes gonna do a lemon grab (Adventure time) quote

"UNACCEPTABLE"

On leave for hero work

Really doesn't care about getting himself sick unless he gets super sick or dies

But hes not about to get you sick

He'd genuinely rather get himself sick and die than get you sick

Yall go out twice a week

Once to get essentials and another just to get out

I feel like shinso is a decent cook so he'll cook for you

Write down recipes that you like

Also gets some off the internet

Works better with natural hair than braids and crochets

So he'll do slick backs for you and maybe give you a ponytail or something if you ask but he'd rather do 100% natural just because hes better at it and he likes natural black hair

Can also do half wigs

Takes care of you more than himself

So you have to take care of each other

"Did you drink water today, Doll?"

"I did, did you?"

"Did you eat today?"

"No, and you haven't either. What should we eat for lunch?"

"You havent been putting oil on you hair. Do you want me to help you, kitty?"

Small work out sessions

Maybe like 15 min a day

Full body tho because hes too lazy to split up days

Does to bed at like 4 - 6 am

Mostly just watching YouTube and binging cartoons and eating

Insomnia Cookies? (If you dont know, its a cookie place that delivers till 3 am and theyre so good-)

YESSIRRR

Yall gain back any weight you burned off from exercising earlier that day

Pizza, cookies, chicken nuggets, fries, fried chicken, etc.

Basically just a constant sleep over

Libido to the max

Once or twice a day

Nothing public because germs

Normally rough

But every now and then he'll get soft and just tell you how much he loves you and appreciates you

His aftercare for times like that consists of a bubble bath, lots of hugs, food and cartoons😌

#hitoshi shinso x reader #shinsou headcanons #bnha shinso x reader #bnha shinsou #bnha shinso hitoshi #hitoshi x reader #shinsou hitoshi #shinso fluff #hitoshi fluff #shinso x poc #shinso x poc! reader #hitoshi x poc #hitoshi x poc!reader #bnha #bakugo headcanons #bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugo katsuki #bnha headcanons #bnha hcs #katsuki bakugo headcanons #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugo fluff #mha #mha x poc #mha x poc!reader #shoto x poc #shoto x reader #todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto

[thecringefailintherye]

Oliver! (1968) Live (re) watch!

i have already seen oliver!, but not in ages, so i decided to watch it again, enjoy

very long post warning

fuckin hell these opening credits are LONG

i love the fact instrumentals of songs in the movie are playing

i have chocolate popcorn, apple lucozade and oliver! on, life is good

yes i know mark lester is oliver ive seen this like 20 times can i watch the film now

OH ABOUT FUCKING TIME

god is love

IS IT WORTH THE WAITING FOR IF WE LIVE TILL 84 ALL WE EVER GET IS GRUELL

i forgot how much of a banger food glorious food is

LOOK AT BABY MARK LESTER 🥺🥺🥺

ads in middle of movie be like

its harry secombe!

AMENNNN

oliver gets bullied the movie

look at this poor kid

MOREE????????

oh yes oliver i love this song

O L I V E R

poor kid

without any bannister yikes

the one who named him........O-L-IV-ERRR

oh were outside now

olivers just been kicked out oh shit

but on the plus side he has a cute ass hat on

BOY FOR SAY AL

look at oliver 🥺 he deserves better

SOWERBERRY MORE LIKE SHITTERBERRY

theres a severe lack of thats your funeral and i shall scream

noah claypole more like noah clayprick

“perhaps... if i had a tall hat?” BABEY

HES GOT HIS TALL HAT ON YES OLIVER

oliver said dab on them haters from your old gaff youre a funeral advisor now and theyre still homeless

DONT INSULT HIS MUM FUCK YOU NOAH

YES OLIVER KILL HIM

yes stuff the nine year old in a coffin and sit on it well done

"OLIVAH ??" "Yes im here: ((("

ITS MEAT!

oliver deserves better man 

im gonna cry and were like 25 minutes in.

ik its not mark singing but whoever it is CAN SING WTF

i want to give him a hug

OH SHIT HES RUNNING AWAY

hes in the lettuce

LONDON YOU MADE IT !

yes oliver trains exist

DODGER!!!

whach you starin at aint ya ever seen a toff

the beak

look at lil jack wild

me more hintimate friends

cockney accent™️

the artful dodga

CONSIDERR YOURSSELF AT HOEME COSNIDER YOURSWLF OEN OF THE FAMILY !!!!!!!!!!

im sorry i love this song

look this scene is awesome, but it would be COMPLETE with charley oh wait he was demoted to extra and everything interesting abt him was given to dodger

he should have gotten the nobody tries to be ladeeda or uppity bit I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

this cast is BIG

okay i am a Charger Enthusiast but do we all agree there is something oddly homosexual about oliver and dodger in this song

note how dodger is scared of the police FORESHADOWING

ive taken to this SO STRONGITSCLEARWEREGOINGTOGETALONG

how many extras is this ???? yall better be gettin paid

its dodga comin up

this set is sraight out of the book i love it

CHARLEY MATE IM SORRY THEY MADE YOU AN EXTRA 

“oh not again” does dodger just always show up with random workhouse kids 

ah yes fagin the character whos still a negative jewish stereotype

more and more big cast

THESE SAUSAGES ARE MOULDY! (am i going to freak out whenever charley does anything because i love him? yes)

stfu drink your gin

is this a laundry?? no fam 

THE BEST FUCKING SONG IN THIS MUSICAL

IN THIS LIFE ONE THING COUNTS

sorry if i dont add to this until pick a pocket or two is done bc its a straight banger

this song is EVERYTHING 

hard at work lol ok

did he make those himself??? no

couple a wipes

EMBROIDERED THEM??? no

petition for all oliver twist adaptations to refer to charley as master bates like the book and for him to have actual lines and not have his actor switched at least three times

i dont even now who charley is at this point because his actor is switched many a time im just gonna say purple blazer kid is charley

anyway charley bates supremacy

whos bill sikes??? NO

fuck bill all my homies hate bill

rum tum tum is a banger

go bed now

take your hat off in bed dodger

movie fagin has rights

fagin leaving where will he go

BET IS THAT YOU

FUCK OFF BILL NO ONE LIKES YOU 

NANCY NANCY HES HERE !!!!!! bet deserves everything and more ily 💖

NANCYYYY!!!!!!

its a fine life more like its a banger

wheres all of bets lines gone

bet 🤝 charley (being demoted to extras)

its not funny anyore bet.. bet girl please sing youre the best fucking thing about this song

such a happy song about domestic abuse

THERE SHE IS THATS MY GIRL BET I FUCKING LOVE YOU

bullsye rights!

i hate how this movie made fagin more symathetic but he’s still a “greedy jew” stereotype

oliver?????

at this moment fagin knew he fucked up

nancy you deserve better than bill

oh hi dodger forgot you existed

and the rest of you except oliver

ah yes charley “sausages” bates i missed you

THESE FUCKING KIDS THEY ALL LOVE BET AND NANCY MY HEART

im a regular gent i am. no dodger you arent

why is “permit me to assist you across the road” so fucking funny

pov dodgers back on his bullshit so you have to pretend to be a horse and cart for him

not “sir artful” 😭😭😭

anyfink for youu

WHAT FISTICUFFS???!!!

i feel sorry for the child extras man theyve prob had to film this scene like ten times

THESE KIDS CAN SING

 the boys dancing with eachother is too fucking wholesome i love this

again, movie fagin rights

weed riissk lifee and limmbb

you promised we could go see the angin!!!!!

ats on boys time were off

THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG

HOW COULD WE LET HOW COULD WE FORGET OUR DEAR OLD FAGIN WORRY!!

mate that aint single file did you not hear him

am i the only one who can hear london bridge is falling down in the back??

our pockets hold a watch of gold that chimes upon the hour!!! a wallet fat an old mans hat!!! the jewels from the tower!!!

WE KNOW THE NOSEY POLICEMEENNNN

dodger and charley (i am SURE charley is purple blazer kid even if havent seen this film in ages) are GETTING INTO THIS

oliver 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

movie fagin rights pt 27238227

DODGER OLIVER COME ON!!!!!!!!! alright dude chill

ARE YALL SEEING THIS SHIT, I WAS RIGHT, I TOLD YOU THAT THE LAD IN THE PURPLE BLAZER WHO SINGS “a wallet fat an old mans hat” WAS CHARLEY BATES AND GUESS WHAT HE FUCKING IS. I WAS RIGHT, PURPLE BLAZER KID IS CHARLEY YOU CAN LEAVE NOW

no dont were only an hour in

three kids on the back of the omnibus what will they do

dodger and charley said be gay do crimes

ah shit now look what youve gotten us into dodger

IT WASNT EVEN OLIVER IT WAS CHARLEY AND DODGER GO AFTER THEM

are dodger and charley straight up framing oliver for a crime they commited while also helping him escape

yes they are why are we surprised 

i hate to break it to you dodger but hiding oliver in a meat sack doesnt work

OLIVERS ON THE ROOF????

charley and dodger got oliver into this mess and they are not going to get him out

WHY DIDNT YOU LOOK AFTER HIM????? right calm down fagin

how could i help it :((((

no bill!

stan nancy

“two other boys stole it” no shit

BROWNLOW !

run bitch run

right intermission time now

AND WE’RE BACK!

entr acte

who will buyyy

strawberry girl is carrying this

oliver owns my heart pt 278983728938728

this is a banger wtf

okay its done now right

right?????

UHH BILL???? DODGER???? BITCH WHY TF ARE YOU HERE

have bill fagin nancy and the boys been stalking oliver???

NO SHE WONT FAGIN!

shit.

fuck bill

this scene is far more sadder when you think of how the boys have just seen the only woman they see as a mother figure been hit to the flo or, im not crying, you are

as long as he needs me :(

FUCK YOU BILL

rose maylie is that you?!

look at lil oliver!!

BILL FUCK OFF

i hate bill

“look at his togs! he’s got books too!” charley and dodger are my emotional support kids

anyway have i mentioned i hate bill, bc i hate bill.

I REALLY REALLY HATE BILL

even fagin aka the guy whos keeping these kids as pickpockets has more morals than bill

WE STAY CALM!!

no bill i havent heard a dying chicken

act one was just childish antics now we have THIS

fuck bill

YOURE TELLING ME THE BOYS WATCHED THAT????

jack wild is a banging actor. he genuinely looks terrified 🥺 

this film.. 

a mans got a heart hasnt he?? yes you do!!!

a full song dedicated to movie fagin rights?? did i ghostwrite this?? probably

banger

ithinkidbetterthinkitoutagain!

villains theives and nine year olds

MR BUMBLE?????!!!!!!!!!!

fuck bill pt72898376728909878199

bill youre traumatising him

cmon nance do something!!

also completely forgot abt this but uh does monks exist in this i forgot bc we have had no mentions of him yet

nancy tell him who bill is!!!

bullseye deserves better

uhm what is going on

bill sikes more like bill yikes

oliver what are you doing

BILL TERRIFIES ME

FUCK

omg oom pah pah????

leave oliver alone bill hes like nine

oh banger

OOM PAH PAH THATS HOW IT GOES!!!!!!!!!

just asking are nancy and bet lesbians bc they look it

COULD IT BE OOM PAH PAHHHHHH

god i love this song

IT SHOOOOOWSSSSSS

its the same oom pah pah

“She was from the country but now shes up a gumtree she let a fella feed her then lead her a long” foreshadowiinnggg

OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH!

nancy is so fucking smart

getting the whole pub singing and dancing to smuggle out oliver? clever

fuck

bill.. no.. bill.. bill????

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKC

BILL GET OFF HER

NANCY NO

HE STRAIGHT UP COMMIT MURDER AGAINST THE NICEST CHARACTER

BROWNLOW DO YOU NOT HEAR NOTHING

nancy deserved a better death than to be killed by bill fuck bill

EVEN BULLSEYE HATES YOU BILL

ARE THEY ACCUSING BULLSEYE OF MURDER

FUCK YOU BILL

movie fagin rights + fuck bill combo?

youre telling me fagin had an ESCAPE ROUTE??? AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HOUSE THING??? THE WHOLE TIME???

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD

BILL

fuck, well. #

“WHAT DO I DO!?” “LIVE UP TO YOUR NAME, DODGE ABOUT”

ten quid says dodgers been caught

oh no all fagins shit is gone

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD PT 2

FUCK YOU BILL

GOD I HATE HIM

OLIVER MATE ARE YOU OK

never have i been so happy to see a character die

rest in shit bill

hi dodger thought you got caught n went to australia 

god, this film is so fucking good.

reviewing the situation 2.0 goes hard

MOVIE. FAGIN. RIGHTS!

FAGIN YOU CAN BE A GOOD MAN YOU KNOW YOU CAN

DODGER??????????

IM TOTALLY NOT CRYING RN

FAGIN NO DONT TAKE IT

FUCKING PLOTTWIST

IT MADE IT LOOK LIKE FAGIN WAS GONNA GIVE THE WALLET BACK TO DODGER BUT NO

once the villain you’re the villain to the end

i completely forgot abt this scene since i’ve been reading the oliver twist book and in that dodger gets arrested and fagin gets hanged but here they get away?

god this is bittersweet

I THINK WE’D OUGHT TO THINK IT OUT AGAIN!!!!!

thats where the film should have ended, i get olivers the main character but it ending on dodger and fagin walking out into the sunset is such a pleasing ending man

oliver gets his happy ending abt time

YES CONSIDER YOURSELF AND BE BACK SOON (THE BIGGEST BANGERS IN THE FILM) CREDITS SONGS!!

well.. that was a journey and half

#oliver! #oliver twist #oliver #oliver! 1968 #oliver 1968 #charlie’s comfort movies #oliver twist 1968 #oliver! the musical #oliver the musical #musicals #1960s #1960s movies #60s #mark lester #jack wild #oliver reed #ron moody #shani wallis #and everyone else in the huge ass cast

[ssvgawara]

Haikyuu characters as things said in the hhcu

a/n: this is pure humor and just something fun, the hhcu is wild and says stupid shit more than once a day so i complied a ridiculously long list of quotes and put them together in this list to share with yall so please enjoy, read more because again this is so long also pt 2. some of these r pretty nsfw so uh yeah <3

Oikawa: When he gives up his torso 😍 

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Nishinoya: Fisherman daddy

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Bokuto: I trust no condiments

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Osamu: YELLOW BAD OIKAWA IS NOT ALLOWED IN MY KITCHEN

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Tendou: Give ass in shiratorizawa?

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Atsumu: Garlic air freshener

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Nishinoya talking about his sex life: ITS THE GOOD OL FASHIONED POW POW GRUNT GRUNT WINDOW WASHER ULTIMATE FRISBEE DICK CONNECTOR 

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Hinata: thank you!! also my oven melted??? and caught on fire 😰 

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Yaku probably thinking abt kuroo while saying this: not gonna front im terrified of the live action grinch and if i ever see him its on sight

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Kageyama: Except that one mustard faze I had

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Lev after yaku kicks him yet again: NO INCH ACTIVE INCH VERY ACTIVE

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Suga after Kiyoko holds his hands: premarital eye contact is already a sin

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Iwaizumi realizing Oikawa probably wouldn’t know the difference between hawaiian rolls and milk bread: when he says hit it till it breaks, he means the packaging of hawaiin rolls

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All of Seijoh to Oikawa: You know whats really sexy? Self care.

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Hoshihumi: like a three year old. still baby but also evil at times🤡 

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Oikawa right before his death: "MORNING HAJI!~" slaps tiddie

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 Anyone falling on love with haikyuu boys: hey a good reverse harem never hurt anyone

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Idk who says it but terushima would do this: places his hand to my heart but then hes like heh heh boob squishy

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Tendou: centrepical force saved my bag of chocolate!!

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Lev thinking it was a literary masterpiece: *reads about a fourth of the bee movie*

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Hinata making fun of Kageyama: milk is better than the feeling of the ball touching your fingertips during a perfect set

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Hinata and Kageyama failing tests: thats just the dumbass in me babey!!!

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Atsumu simply trying to annoy Osamu: Are y’all meaning to tell me you DON’T take your raw chicken on walks through the city?

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Yahaba: PUSSY ALWAYS LEAVES

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Mattsun just to annoy everyone: yall ever think about how in the 50s and 60s they just put raw hotdogs or shrimp into jello and ate that shit and enjoyed it???

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Suga: i am now crying and my boyfriend is concerned and i can’t tell him that I’ve lost my husband and children

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kenma; Smh my head

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Bokuto: Sorry not all of us can have double decker extra stuffed bottoms up extra large super sized t n a like me🥰🥰💅💅

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Everyone to bokuto: titty enthusiast ✨✨

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Me to kuroo: sorry babe youre a scorpio you dont have any rights anymore

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Tendou: i accidentally lit a  baby on fire

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Atsumu: This feels real human centipede

Bokuto: theyre not ass to mouth

Atsumu: Close enough

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Bokuto when a minor inconvience happens: Why are we still here? Just to suffer? Every day, I wake up....

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Sakusa: Remove your lips from my penis

Atsumu: I use a gluestick as chapstick i cant

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Goshiki: Arson or boot in my book, set fire to something live a little

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Tsukishima: I don’t like recieving pain. It hurts

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kenma annoyed w kuroo: Put your dick in the fucking catfish’s pussy then

Kuroo being annoying: How deep is catfish pussy

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Makki to Mattsun: Ayo babe what if we fucked on the catfish tank

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Kiyoko tiredly, to Tanaka: I’m not putting salt and pepper on my pussy lips

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Saeko: I’ve got that Deep dish, super soaker, wet, succulent dripping honey suckle like sweet marinated mooseknuckle, extra thick, slip n slide, water park, waterbender, extra ribbed, the seven seas, gorilla grip, flex tape, primordial soup Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion pussy

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Atsumu not really knowing what cooch means: I got the body builder cooch

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Oikawa after not sleeping to train, extremely sleep deprived: youre got unending

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Goshiki; Commit arson

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Akaashi: I leave for 10 minutes and Bokuto is 240v (mouth edition) fuckmaster pro 4000 with semen drip collection tray, automated self-lubricating 6 speed pulsating pussy and built in Polycrystalline floatable silicon

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Oikawa; I’m coming to murk your ass xoxo

Iwa: I will literally shiv you bitch

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kindaichi: ✨ bob duncan exterminates you asmr✨

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Makki: I’ll try to find my favorite about Jacob sartorius vampire babies with Hillary Clinton

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kenma after playing some obscure video game: also i can’t sleep😔 too busy thinking about human sized bats

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

ME fuck yall im carpetting my bathroom: you already put rugs in the bathroom might as well carpet that bitch

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kuroo talking abt something sciency idk: LIKE A BODY WIG

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Seijoh when iwa throws balls at oikawa: spousal abuse right in front of my salad

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Hinata making up some new stupid song: Ants on a log ants on a log

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Atsumu to piss off Osamu once more: world f amous allegra chicken

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Semi: Gay little Ushijima’s left hand

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Bokuto: Are you disagreeing with the fact that I am thicc as phuck

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kiyoko: Guys is it uh... is it possible to sprain a titty cause.... Uh....

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Terushima: He laughed at the end of his own joke what a fuckin chad

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Bokuto: IS THAT THE DOG FROM ZOOTOOIA

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kageyama: milk is kinda like organ paint huh

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Nishinoya: i don’t think socks taste good

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Tendou: out of your mummy, into my tummy

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Hinata; shout out to me who thought chickens had four legs until last summer

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Oikawa Hanger: I WANNA HANG MY CLOTHES ON HIM 

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kenma: What a little pissbaby

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Yamaguchi: i am literally so curious about what it's like to kiss a boy that it's almost killing me

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Daichi about Suga: he may be cute, but istg there’s some kind of raging devil trapped in him

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Saeko: fuck society my titties are out

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Hinata after getting lecture by everyone for sneaking into the training camp: GOOD NEWS MY DAD IS NOT GOING TO PUT ME IN THE OVEN

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Just me thinking abt any first years: children. toddlers. Tikes.

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Me waiting for the fever: When is malaria?

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Uhhhhh probably tendou his vibes: Ill electrocute his cock

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Akaashi just go w it probably about bokuto: Why is he shoving cheese up the pussy

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Osamu tiredly: Ooey gooey cheesy chicken vagaina

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Nishinoya trying to catch a very large fish: Dom the Crab

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Bonus crabagraph: The crabs death reverberated and struck fear into the hearts of all crabs in existence because of this one 60+ year old mans volatile universe-crunching swing. Dude defied the laws of gravity by simply getting pinched by the crab. Man just reinvented the laws of physics and all of science due to the sheer force of will and untapped wellsprings if potential unleashed by the crab. If aliens show up it’s because the supersonic radio waves released by the banging of the crab against the cabinet are the first ever created in the universe. Man could cause a ripple in space-time with his crab launching abilities. Guy probably opened a gateway into another universe when he launched the crab. You see how the cabinet door opened and stayed open? It’s because this elder tore a hole through the fabric of reality to the Other Side simply because he experienced a minor bit of pain. The way he released a defeated roar of agony. The ancient gods awoke from their deep slumber and this old man single-handedly revived all his ancestors. New wars are about to start because of the way this man broke the barriers containing this reality into one fixed area. This universe is now expanding at such a rapid rate the the geosphere will now be reshaped. This man probably unknowingly blasted a hole in the other side of the planet because the shockwaves of the aggressive rippling effect of this poor crustacean slamming at lightning speed into a small wooden frame. The crabs insides were probably fused into the shell because this man’s angry, rage filled, pain filled battering ram of an arm throwing him through every known dimension and re-arriving in this one at the mere moment to experience the most pain a crab ever has or will in the rest of the existence of crabs. This elderly man probably has phased through and broken every human limiter known to man just because he got a minor pinch by a crab. He probably is bio-medically fused with crab DNA at this point. A legend.

#incorrect haikyuu #incorrect haikyuu quotes #nishinoya #osamu #atsumu #oikawa #yamaguchi #suga #kiyoko #tendou #bokuto #akaashi #terushima #yaku #lev #hinata #kageyama #kenma #kuroo #kindaichi #semi #iwaizumi #did i get everyone #okay #enjoy this

[honiboyyoon]

Switch It Up (M)

The one where your best friend Namjoon is not only bisexual, but a switch. The latter you had no idea about until you accidentally stumbled across his camboy site.

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: F2L bisexual camboy!Namjoon

Warnings: good ole smut, ass play, masterbation, sir kink, degredation, more smut

Word Count: 5k

AN: thank you to bette @ddaenggtan for my header i love u long time 

After sending you a quick text, vaguely stating that something came up and that he couldn’t hang out tonight, Namjoon made his way to his “gaming room”. The gaming room can easily be converted into Namjoon’s cam room, all his decorations and toys were packed away in boring old storage containers that obviously would never peak your interest to look inside. Namjoon hated lying to you, he really did, you were his best friend and you two confided in each other for everything. However, he couldn’t help but feel apprehensive towards telling you about his part time job. He still worked twice a week at the cafe down the street to keep up appearances, but truth be told he made more than enough money from camming a few nights a week, but if he quit his cafe job then he would have to explain where his money was coming from. After checking his phone, and seeing you replied with an “all good” paired with a peace sign emoji, Namjoon began to set up is camming equipment. It wasn’t often that he had to cancel plans with you because of his unconventional hobby/job, in fact Namjoon can’t even remember the last time he did cancel plans with you, but he had forgotten that tonight the cam website he performs on was having a massive membership sale, and that would mean more patrons, and more patrons meant more money. Normally, Namjoon would hang out with you until around ten at night, then go home and cam, but with the sale Namjoon had to really pull out all the stops to snag new patrons. This meant two separate cam shows to show off his “switch” nature. With a sigh, Namjoon began to pick out what toys and outfits he would incorporate in tonight’s show. He really did hate keeping things from you, but he couldn’t deny the small flutter of arousal he felt thinking about performing tonight. 

After Namjoon had texted you cancelling your plans so last minute, you were a bit bummed, but let’s be honest your plans with him didn’t differ much from what you are currently doing. Which was sitting like a lump wrapped in a blanket while you shovelled food into your mouth and watch Netflix. It was about halfway through yet another comedy special, and an entire bag of chips later, that you got a text from one of your close friends.

Rose: omg dude remember the cam site i was telling you about?? theyre having a 75% off membership sale tonight you need to try ittttt

Your friend had been nagging you for forever to try this website, you knew porn addictions were a very real thing in today’s day and age,  and honestly ifyou had to label her, you’d say she was addicted to the camsite. It was all she talked about, she even had favourite cam stars whom she had bought merch from. Before you could even begin to type out a response, your phone buzzed again.

Rose: bitch its 75% off you cant NOT try it!!!!! its literally better than any porn youve ever seen!!!!

Y/N: omg ok!!! ill try it lmao

After grabbing your laptop and plopping back down on the couch, you are welcomed to switchitup.com’s homepage with a bright advertisement taking up the majority of your screen stating their 75% blow out sale. I can’t believe I’m doing this, this better be good. After filling out the necessary sign up information, you’re redirected to the homepage once again. You were a little on edge looking at all the cam thumbnails, who, according to the website, were “live, prepped, and ready”. You’ve watched countless porn before, but there was something very different about watching a recording vs someone in real time, and one who you could even ask to do things. Scrolling through the guys and girls, none of the cam stars peaked your interest, so you refreshed the homepage. The third thumbnail you saw almost had your jaw hit the floor. 

No, there was no way that was Namjoon, no fucking way. The thumbnail’s small, that’s just someone who kind of looks like him. You’re trying to reason with yourself, and failing horribly when the guy who is a “SWITCH BOY LOOKING TO SUB” is none other than your best friend. Your very hot best friend, at that. You shouldn’t be clicking on his cam link, you know you shouldn’t be, but your brain is not really functioning properly given the fact that your best friend is now currently on your laptop screen in a pink collar with a small dildo in his asshole while he strokes his cock.  Holy shit, slamming your laptop closed you jump up from the couch, and pace around your tiny apartment. Holy shit holy shit holy shit. You knew Namjoon was bisexual, so the fact that he liked things up his ass wasn’t that surprising, but you just never though you would see things go up said ass in HD. Okay, cool. Joon’s a camboy, that’s cool. I can’t watch his stream though, that’d be super fucking weird. But would it be rude to not support him? Views mean money to cams stars, right? 

After wrestling with your emotions for what seemed like forever, you come to the conclusion that the cat is already out of the bag, and is about to be dead from your curiosity. Sitting back down on the couch, you place your laptop on your lap and are immediately greeted by a paused picture of Namjoon with his legs spread, knees bent, giving you an unobstructed view of his ass stretching around a toy. You also notice how flushed and sweaty he is, and begrudgingly notice how it turns you on. Hesitantly, you click play again and wait a few seconds for the stream to refresh so it’s live again. The sounds of his whines and groans are suddenly hitting your ears as you watch a sweaty Namjoon furiously fucking himself with the dildo while simultaneously jerking his massive hard on. You never really watched boy on boy porn, but watching your best friend whimpering due to a dildo in his ass had your panties damp and sticking to you. You nearly jumped when you heard him talk, his normally sweet honey voice now gruff and whiney.

“Fuck, I’m-nmf-I’m so close, please let me cum,” you didn’t really understand why or who Namjoon was saying this too since there’s no one there with him, but as you notice the message chat in the corner of the screen, he speaks out again, “you know I can’t come until you help me reach the goal” He’s practically giggling and now you’re even more confused because now there’s a goal? What goal? It’s when Namjoon’s hand that’s stroking his cock picks up the pace, you notice in the upper corner there’s a donation button with the live donations count, and it seems the louder your best friend gets, the more the number increases. You’re assuming since he sounds like he could cum soon, his goal is a thousand dollars, and he only has about eighty dollars to go. It’s so tempting to donate a couple bucks, it’d be the same as when he first got that job at the coffee shop and you went in and bought a latte, right? Plus the erection he was sporting looked almost painful, the tip an angry red and shiny from lube and precum. Namjoon, once again interrupted your thoughts, “please, I’m so so close, I’ll cum so good for you I promise” shit, shit, shit, you wanted to help him, and you couldn’t deny that this was all very erotic and you were incredibly turned on. 

“Please, please baby-fuck-it hurts I need to cum so badly, please” Namjoon is basically whining at this point and it’s all beginning to feel like too much. As Namjoon’s pleas get louder, so does the sound of skin on skin and he fucks himself more desperately. You feel like you’re about to get sensory overload and think, fuck it! And harshly click over the $5 donation button, and as you do the goal number rounds up to $1000 and confetti, and what looks like its suppose to be animated cum, shoots around it. Namjoon’s breathy laugh brings your attention back to him and he flops his head to the side and lets out a soft thank you before he’s cumming loud and hard against his toned abdomen. After a few more tugs on his cock, Namjoon swipes his fingers over his stomach, gathering his cum, and holds them up to his mouth. As his plump lips wrap around his fingers he lets out a content hum. Releasing his fingers with an audible pop, Namjoon shuffles closer to the camera and from the looks of his eyes, it looks like he’s reading comments. He lets out a soft chuckle and shakes the sweaty fringe out of his eyes before looking back into the camera, “for the big sale tonight I’ll be doing two streams instead of just the usual one, I’ll be back in about thirty minutes except this time,” Namjoon’s voice drops, becoming more gruff, and the look in his eyes change, “I won’t be the sub.” 

Namjoon signs off with a see ya soon! And a kiss blown to the camera before ending the stream and you laptop screen is black. You stare at your reflection when you realize what happened. Your best friend is a switch. Your best friend is a cam boy. You not only watched your best friend’s stream, but you also donated. And above all else, you are incredibly horny, specifically for your best friend. You now are faced with two options, get off to another cam performer, or wait half an hour and get off to your best friend dominating you through the computer.

It was exactly thirty minutes after his first stream had ended and Namjoon was back on the bed in the spare room you knew all too well from too many drunken nights. He seemed to just be chilling and scrolling through his phone, except now the pink collar was gone and he was wearing a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and black dress pants paired with a black belt. Running a hand through his hair, Namjoon smiles reading the comments. “Hey baby, I’m gonna wait a few minutes for more people to show up, who watched my earlier stream?” Namjoon goes back to reading the comments and you can’t help but feel excited, the anticipation alone is getting you wet. 

This is so wrong, you think. You’re getting wet waiting for your Joonie to put on a cam show. Well, it’s not like he hasn’t made you wet in the past, but this is different. Of course you had always found Namjoon attractive but he was Namjoon. He was your Joonie, your Joon-Joon. But right now your Joon-Joon is palming himself over his slacks and biting his plump lips, and you think you’re dying a little bit. It’s when you notice in the corner of the screen the donation display glows at fifty dollars, and Namjoon lets out a low, breathy laugh, “alright baby, you’ve been good so I’ll reward you.” He stands and slowly unbuttons his dress shirt, stopping every few buttons to rub a veiny hand across his muscular chest, a vivid memory of you snuggled up to that chest at your last movie night is quickly pushed to the side. Your whole body is tingling as Namjoon finishes taking off his shirt, left in only his dress pants. He begins to palm himself once again, bottom lip caught between his teeth, and his eyes roam over the camera as if he’s undressing you through the screen. “I hope you haven’t started touching yourself yet baby, that would be very naughty of you.” You hadn’t, in fact, started to touch yourself but the authority in Namjoon’s voice made your core ache. “Don’t touch yourself until I say so, or my baby won’t get a very good show.” You had wondered during the thirty minute intermission how being a cam dom would work. Being a sub made more sense, you do what your viewers tell you to do, and you can beg them, it just made more sense. However, below the donation number you see all the other viewers comments, begging Namjoon to finish stripping, begging to let them touch themselves. The sound of leather whipping brought your attention back to your best friend, he’d taken off his belt and folded it in half to make the noise. Another sound of the belt and you quickly pushed your sweat pants and panties down to your knees. Running a hand through your slick folds, careful to avoid your aching nub, Namjoon hadn’t told you to touch yourself yet. Another loud whip of his belt and the donation number glowed 100, Namjoon cooed a soft so good for me, before quickly stepping out of his pants, no underwear to be seen. His massive erection standing fully proud as Namjoon takes a seat once again at the edge of the bed and languidly strokes his cock.

“You’ve been so good baby, go ahead and touch yourself,” you instantly follow his command, quickly circling your throbbing clit, and you notice the comments are filled with praise and thank you’s, “what an obedient little slut, so good for sir.” You let out a small whimper and speed up your hand, you would never in a million years think that you’d be hearing your Joonie say those things to you. There’s a little bit of an icky feeling when you think that he’s not really saying them with you in mind, but there’s no time to dwell on that. Not when Namjoon just let out a delicious moan and called you a good girl again. 

“How does it feel baby girl, bet you wish I was there, huh? C’mon you little slut go a little faster for me, a little harder” your whines grow louder as you follow Namjoon’s command. The comment section is filled with more pleas, and you see several daddy’s, sir’s and master’s.

“Slide a finger in there baby, stretch yourself open for me, don’t want you to hurt yourself on my big cock.” You don’t think you’ve seen Namjoon look so smug, and it’s unbelievably arousing. 

Your laptop is set on the coffee table in front of you while you fuck yourself on your fingers and furiously rub at your clit. You’ve been watching Namjoon’s stream for nearly half an hour now and you’re so close to cumming, but deciding to hold out until Namjoon cums. He seems like he could go on forever, he’s been roughly jerking his cock the entire time he’s been spewing filthy words. Telling the camera how much he wishes he could touch, taste, and fuck you. 

“I bet you sound so sweet when you’re cumming baby,” he’s licking his lips again as he brushes his hand through his hair once again. His eyes look down and you can tell he’s reading the comments again, “don’t you fucking dare think about cumming you needy little whore, you cum when I tell you to.” The comment are filled completely with begging at the same rate the donation number skyrockets. After a few more moments of denying yourself your orgasm, the donation number hits a thousand dollars and the same confetti and cum animation goes off in the corner. Namjoon lets out a low chuckle before biting down on his bottom lip, “fuck you’re so good for me, I want you to cum, c’mon.” Namjoon is now furiously stroking himself and he throws his head back while letting out a particularly loud moan. You’re so close it hurts, but you desperately want to finish with him. A few more strokes and Namjoon is cumming over his stomach again, and your orgasm rips through you. After your breathing begins to even out you look back to the screen and find Namjoon running his finger through his cum again. You wonder if he’s going to eat it again. He answers your question by holding his finger up to the camera and saying “open on baby, be a good little cum slut for me.” And you actually find yourself opening your mouth for him, before quickly realizing that he’s on your fucking laptop screen and you snap your mouth close. You don’t wait for Namjoon to sign off before you’re exiting the browser and closing your laptop.

After a quick shower, you find yourself sprawled on your bed with a face mask on, contemplating your entire existence and your entire friendship with Namjoon. Okay so, you watched not one but two of your best friend’s cam shows. You touched yourself to your best friend’s cam shows, and you even got off to your best friend’s cam shows. And to make it even worse, the annoying little voice that shows up every few months in your head saying maybe we could be more than friends shows up again.

A buzz next to your head notifies you of a text and your stupid heart flutters a bit when you see its from Joonie Boonie.

Joonie: Hey, sorry again for cancelling :( ill make it up to you tomorrow!

Y/N: You better sir!!

Joonie: Aha sir??

Wait- oh fuck. You’re bolt up so quickly that your face mask flies half way off your face.

Y/N: HAHAHA SRRY IM RLLY TIRED GOODNIGHT 

“What the hell was that?!” you yell at your reflection in the wall mirror, your half-on face mask making you look like your wearing someone else’s skin. With an exasperated sigh that you fling yourself back onto your bed. 

“I’m just saying, I know kids are gullible but who the fuck would continue talking to a scary ass clown in th- Y/N?” A flick to your forehead brings you out of your thoughts.

“Huh? What?”

“You’re the one that made us re-watch IT and you’re not even paying attention!” Namjoon huffs. It was the day after you discovered Namjoon’s side job, and he brought over pizza to make up for bailing on you.

“You seriously haven’t been listening to anything I’ve been saying, are you okay?” Namjoon leans in closer, legitimately worried. 

“What? No, I’m fine, I just-we tell each other everything right?” you’ve never been one to hold back from Namjoon and you really didn’t want this whole thing hanging over you.

Namjoon nodded in response, a bit hesitant. “Yeah, of course. Why, what’s wrong?”

“N-nothing,” there’s no good way to say this so you really should just spit it out, “just one of my coworkers told me to check out this pornsite she’s obsessed with and it’s all just cam stars.”

You notice Namjoon tense up a bit before his brows knit together, “okay...why are you telling me this?”

“Would you judge me if I became a cam girl?” okay, yeah maybe that wasn’t the best way to divert the conversation. Namjoon shook his head before letting out a soft “no, no I wouldn’t.”

“Alright, cool. I wouldn’t judge you either by the way, you know if you ever did it, camming that is.” you’re rushing your words and fidgeting with shirt hem but Namjoon only lets out a soft laugh before placing his plate on the table, before turning his body to face you.

“Y/N, is there something you want to tell me about that website? Something or someone you saw?”

You’re looking everywhere but his face and it’s only when he snaps his fingers in front of you that you whip your head back to look at him. “I saw you,” you let out softly. Namjoon bites the inside of his cheek and gives a small nod, “well,” he begins “h-”

“I swear it was by accident, I saw your live stream thumbnail thing and I didn’t really believe it was you and before I knew it, I clicked on your sub stream, but I only caught the end of it!”

“You called me sir.”

“W-what?” since when do you ever stutter?

“Yesterday, yesterday you called me sir when I texted you.” Namjoon narrows his eyes at you, “you saw both of them.” Well, fuck.

“Uhh… yes? Maybe? Fuck.” You’ve now reverted back to looking anywhere that wasn’t Namjoon. He looked mad. He should be, you reason. You tell each other everything and him not telling you about being a camboy was clearly for a reason, he must’ve wanted to keep it private.

“So you liked it?” wait, what?

“Huh?” Out of all the things to say you didn’t expect Namjoon to say that. Now you’re looking at him with a confused look on your face.

“I said,” Namjoon scoots a bit closer to you, “you liked my shows? You said the first one was an accident and you only watched the end of it so you heard me say I’d be streaming again as a dom and you called me sir, meaning you also watched that one.” Namjoon tilts his head to the side awaiting your response.

“Oh, well, I guess? I mean you’re my friend and I want to support you? I don’t know?” Your voice is dramatically rising in pitch, which seems to only amuse Namjoon.

“So you’re not mad that I lied to you about being a cam boy?” Namjoon actually looks nervous, he really does hate the idea of keeping things from you. He can’t say that he didn’t feel like his stomach was going to drop out of his ass when you first mentioned the cam site, but now he’s actually relieved you know, now he doesn’t feel like he’s lying to you. He would be lying, however, if he said the idea of you watching, let alone touching yourself to his shows, didn’t make his cock twitch in his pants.

“No, of course I’m not mad Joonie! You’re not mad at me?” How could he not be? This felt like a very big invasion of privacy even though as you’re looking at him now, you’re just imagining how good it felt to have him call you a good little slut yesterday. 

“Of course I’m not mad at you,” Namjoon had been giving himself a pep talk over the last several days to confess his love for you, he in no way imagined it would go like this, but hell the opportunity was there and he was tired of waiting. “Would you be mad at me if I said that I think it’s really fucking hot that you watched me?”

Now it was your turn to blush. Although you’re enjoying the small back and forth going on between you, your voice is barely above a whisper. “Only if you’re mad about the fact that I touched myself while watching you.”

Namjoons plump lips were on yours instantly. They were softer than you could ever imagine, and he pours years worth of harboured feelings into the kiss. You kissed him back fervently, years of love, desperation, and lust pouring into the kiss that you both had waited so long to give each other. It was like all the events and emotions came surging up all at once for Namjoon as he abruptly broke the kiss, “I love you.” he stated, lips red and swollen. You could only just look up at him with wide eyes and equally swollen lips, your hair a mess from where his hands nested in them during the kiss. You grabbed him by the back of the neck so that your foreheads met, “I love you too.”

You two had kissed for what seemed like an eternity, desperate to make up for lost time, but as hands roamed further the desperation grew.

“Which one did you like?” Namjoon panted against your lips.

“Huh?” you couldn’t stop kissing him, it felt like you were possessed.

Breaking the kiss again, Namjoon tried once more, “which one did you like better? Pink or black?” at the realization of his words, you couldn’t help but let out a whimper. 

“B-black-oh” Namjoon latched on to the most sensitive part of your neck and you were basically mewling, pawing at his shoulder blades. Sliding his hand down to dip past your pants and underwear, he began to circle your clit. You jolted from the sensation as he sucked harder on your neck.

Lifting his head away from your neck, Namjoon’s dark gaze bore into yours, “well in that case, how about you be a good girl me and take my fingers, yeah?” Nodding your head insistently, Namjoon wasted no time before pushing two fingers into your soaked core. You whined at the sudden stretch, which made Namjoon chuckle, “your tight little pussy can barely take two of my fingers baby, I don’t know if you’ll be able to handle my dick.”

The slight mention that you might not be fucked into next week by his perfect dick, had you gripping onto Namjoon’s arms pleading, “no please, sir! Please I promise I can take it, I’ll be a good cum slut for you, I promise!” Namjoon’s brows shot up, not really expecting you to be this into it, at least so soon. But hearing how submissive you can be had his erection straining in his pants. He pressed his lips to your again before delivering a slap against your throbbing core, “get on the bed for me baby”.

You two were naked writhing on your bed in a blink of an eye. Namjoon was above you, one hand next your head supporting his weight, the other stroking himself while he stared at your naked heaving chest. Getting impatient you wrapped your legs around him, “Joonie, please!” and he laughed out a quick sorry before slowly burying himself in you. Once he was fully in you, he paused, allowing you time to adjust to his massive size. After you gave a little nod, he set a quick and desperate pace. You were moaning so loudly and Namjoon swears he’s never heard anything more beautiful, the blissed-out look on your face was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. You were just so beautiful and Namjoon was hit with such an overwhelming surge of love that he slipped out of his dominating persona before engulfing your body in his and passionately kissing you. He slowed his pace slightly and angled his hips to hit deeper into you, the change making you cry out in ecstasy. 

“I love you,” he kissed you again, “I love you more than anything, I can’t believe this is finally happening, holy fuck.”

Your running your hands through his hair to bring his face closer to yours, your lips brushing as you both pour words and love and devotion into each other. It’s after a particularly deep thrust has you crying out, that you dig your nails into Namjoon’s back, “Joonie, please fuck me harder, I wanna be a good girl for you.”

Namjoon pulls away slightly to get a better look at you before a wicked grin appears on his face, “alright, then baby, hands and knees for me.” After he pulls out you quickly flip over, ass poised enticingly up in the air, Namjoon groans as he spread your ass cheeks apart before delivering a quick smack. “Fuck baby, you have such a perfect ass, would you like me to eat it?” you’re whimpering and nodding into the bedsheets, and Namjoon quickly makes work with his tongue against your asshole while he fingers your sopping pussy. “What a good little slut, loves getting both holes played with,” he delivers and slap to your ass, “you probably want me to fill both don’t you?” you nod into the pillow but Namjoon doesn’t find that to be a sufficient answer, so he yanks you by your hair, “use your words you little slut, you know how to speak”

“Yes sir! I want you to fuck both my holes, please” your voice is so whiney and Namjoon feels like he can cum just from listening to you. 

Namjoon slaps your ass once more before quickly shoving his cock into you, pushing all the way in. You gasp at the sudden change, and Namjoon tightens his hold on your hair. He’s fucking you like a desperate animal, it almost borders on painful but its just so good. You can feel his thumb circle your asshole so you let out a whiney please, and Namjoon sticks his thumb into your tight hole. He delivers another harsh slap to your ass, “what do you say, slut?”

“Thank you, sir! It feels so good, may-hmm-maybe next time you can fuck my ass with one of your toys” you breathe out. Namjoon is pulling you up so his chest is against your back and laughs in your ear, “you dirty little bitch, I had no idea this whole time, you’re so filthy,” he pushes you down against the bed, “I fucking love it.”

Namjoon continues to fuck you with such force that you are now completely flat against the bed while he pistons into you, one hand wedged between the bed rubbing your clit, and the other with his thumb still toying your ass. Your moans are getting louder and Namjoon brings his lips next to your ear, “are you gonna be a good slut and cum for me, huh baby? Come on, be a messy little whore and soak the sheets.”

After a series of please,please,please and very well aimed thrusts, you’re cumming hard. You’re drenched clenching pussy has Namjoon quickly following, pulling out and emptying his load onto your red ass. 

After a few moments of catching your breath, Namjoon reaches over to pluck a tissue from the box on your nightstand, effectively knocking over a picture frame and several trinkets, making you giggle. “Oh, shut up” Namjoon teases as he cleans you off. Once he’s done wiping his cum off of you, he tosses the tissue onto your nightstand and lays down staring into your eyes. Wordlessly you snuggle up into his chest like you have done countless times during your many movie nights, but this time it was so different, so right.

You’re both just silently enjoying each other before a thought pops into your head, “does this mean I have to buy a strap on for you?”

#I HOPE YOU LIKED IT HEHE #namjoon #kim namjoon #rm #namjoon x reader #rm x reader #namjoon smut #rm smut #bts smut #bts x reader #my writing #namjoon fanfic #namjoon fan fic #namjoon fanfiction #namjoon fan fiction

[yoon-kooks]

Witch Hazel- Pt.4

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: FanficWriter!Jungkook, Idol!Reader, College!AU, Angst, Fluff

Summary: There are two students in your art class with a secret: you and the quiet Jeon Jungkook. You’re a problematic idol singer, infamous for your ice cold reputation and perpetual resting bitch face; he’s the artist and author behind the viral comic series based on a certain ice queen idol. After a blowup of destructive rumors, lost motivation and inevitable solitude, you stumble upon Jungkook’s comic and find a new and unexpected light.

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: none

Parts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // ?

A/N: my hope is that the idol industry can one day become a safer place for those who have dedicated their lives to making others happy ❤️

-

“Let me guess, you’re the type who needs to feel needed but also pushes people away?”

“How would you know that, Bunny Boy?”

“It’s my power.”

“You have powers too?” Snow blinks her pretty blue eyes. “Can you read minds?”

“I certainly can’t read minds,” Bunny Boy laughs. “But I am pretty good at reading hearts.”

“Oh yeah? What’s my heart feeling right now?”

“Well for starters, you seem to be annoyed by me prying too deep.”

“You are annoying.”

“And you also think I’m kinda cute.”

“I do not!”

You giggle into your phone screen for the hundredth time as you read through the latest Witch Hazel update. With the reveal of another character with secret powers, you wonder what Snow will make out of him. A friend? An ally? Or perhaps just someone who gets her.

Beneath the last comic panel of Snow rolling her eyes at the unofficially named Bunny Boy, you find cute little comments from the author.

“all i hope is for snow to take care of herself during this hiatus”

“even if it’s only a tiny amount, maybe witch hazel can help supplement as new snow content for now;;;;;;”

“ah i didnt mean to sound as if i were anywhere near snow’s level or anything;;;;;;”

“i just hope she knows she doesnt have to carry any burden all on her own”

“she has people on her side”

Your face doesn’t know whether to smile or shed tears, so you do a combination of both. It’s true, you’ve always felt alone. Always. No matter how many staff members it takes to produce an album or how many fans buy that album, you’ve never once felt that people could look beyond your idol music, your icy eyes, your mask.

But that’s exactly why you’re taking a break. You need to separate your worth from the music attached to your name. You need to prove to yourself that you’re more than what the critics and magazines say. And you’re only realizing it now that you can’t do it alone.

If only you had your own jk.seagull in your life. You’re sure the two of you would mesh well together.

-

“Where is that kid?” Taehyung pats the empty seat next to him before class starts. “He never skips class. I remember one time he literally rejected a date with a super cute girl because he ‘had to get to class’. Can you believe that?”

“Knowing Jungkook, I’d believe it,” you shrug. It does feel oddly empty without his presence, though.

“Oh really? You know all there is to know about the mysterious phenomenon that is Jeon Jungkook? It sounds like you guys got real acquainted on that date the other day.”

“It wasn’t a date, Taehyung. It was a meeting for a group project that you didn’t show up to.”

“Well it all evens out since Jungkook didn't show up today. Who knows, maybe you won’t show up tomorrow.”

“I’m sure he has a good reason for being absent. Unlike you.” You have to admit, it does worry you a little. Especially after the hints of doubt Jungkook expressed about his own beautiful art. You wish he knew how amazing of an artist he really is.

“What are you talking about? My reason was valid.”

“Having your cock sucked for five hours straight is not a valid reason, by the way.” You roll your eyes. “Let me guess, today you have a threesome scheduled after class and dinner date at 5?”

“Ouch, you don’t have to be so harsh, Y/N.” Taehyung pretends to be offended, but he doesn’t deny your comment either. “You’re really his type, you know.”

“I’m whose type?”

“Jungkook’s.”

“Where is this coming from all of a sudden?”

“I’ve said this before, but you’re a lot like Snow.”

“How?”

“In how you present yourself,” Taehyung says. “You and her both come across as cold and heartless, but somehow I don’t buy it.” He doesn’t buy what? That you’re just as much of a bitch on the inside too? Ha.

“Jungkook must have weird taste then,” you shrug. Because in your opinion, you’re not exactly an easy person to love.

“But-” Taehyung is cut off by the professor starting class. You don’t know what more he could’ve said to make you change your mind anyway.

“There won’t be any lecture for today’s class.” Your professor is busy typing away at her computer, perhaps trying to get caught up on paperwork and grading old assignments. “Instead, I want you all to take this time to work on your group projects. You may leave the classroom if you must, but remember to stay on task!”

With that, your classmates jam out of the room as if they were just freed from prison. You hear a couple of friends deciding which boba place to try out. Another group, the overachievers of the class, head somewhere outside to actually work on the project. Taehyung, too, looks as if there’s somewhere else he needs to be.

“So I-”

“Go ahead and get laid,” you sigh, shooing the boy away with your hand. “We’ll work next time when all three of us are here.”

“Thanks, Y/N! You get me,” Taehyung waves bye before dashing off.

You wave back as the hall clears out around you. It seems everyone else has found somewhere to go. Everyone except you.

But it’s fine. You’re fine.

Buzz! You jump at the sudden phone notification that seems to echo off the walls of the empty hall. Oh look, it’s a text from your only friend.

10:32AM jinnie❤️ “good morning ^O^// just checking in on you”

10:33AM jinnie❤️ “how are you holding up with everything?”

“I’m fine!” you mumble rather aggressively to yourself, sliding your ass down onto the filthy hallway floor before texting back. Your chunky guitar case sits in your lap like a baby so it doesn’t get dirty.

10:34AM Y/N “i miss seeing you at work everyday :((((”

10:34AM Y/N “lololololol jk”

10:35AM Y/N “fuck work, am i right”

10:36AM jinnie❤️ “Y/N”

10:37AM Y/N “😒”

10:37AM Y/N “im fine”

10:38AM jinnie❤️ “thats exactly what people say when theyre not fine”

But you are fine. You’re completely fine with sitting all alone in an empty hallway, texting your only friend who also happens to be your manager.

10:39AM jinnie❤️ “what are you doing now?”

You pick up your guitar and start walking away. Obviously, you can’t tell him what you were actually doing because it would worry him too much. But you can’t lie to him either.

10:41AM Y/N “if you really must know”

You wait until you arrive at your new location before answering Seokjin’s million-dollar question. You’ve found your place.

10:45AM Y/N “im practicing in the music room before my theory class starts”

He sends you the Surprised Pikachu meme but also a few supportive comments.

10:46AM jinnie❤️ “good luck!”

10:46AM jinnie❤️ “and if you ever need something, please reach out to me!”

10:47AM jinnie❤️ “ill be checking in on you every now and then, but please enjoy your time off~”

10:48AM Y/N “thank you seokjin”

With your manager off your back, you settle into the empty music classroom and pull your trusty guitar out of its case. The flat and out of tune strings remind you of how long it’s been since the last time you touched the guitar. Because despite carrying it around wherever you go, it’s all for show.

In all honesty, you’re too afraid to let others hear, and yet, part of you wants them to know. You want them to know you’re an artist in your own right—without the judgment. But that’s asking for too much from this cruel world. Especially when you know you aren’t there yet.

One by one, you turn the pegs on your guitar, fine tuning each string by ear. That’s always been your secret talent, and maybe that’s how you’ve never been off-key since the moment you said your first words. If there was one thing you had going for you as an idol, it was that.

Once all the strings are tuned, you just sit there, staring at your fingers curved naturally in the C chord position. The muscle memory is still very much ingrained in you, but so are the scars. The last time you actually held your guitar, you were told you weren’t good enough. So you ended up settling for something else.

Today, however, you want to change that. You shouldn’t let several people’s opinions determine what you can or can’t amount to just because they were the professionals of the industry who supposedly “knew” what they were doing. They didn’t know you then, and they certainly don’t know you now. They don’t even know your real name.

But that’s okay. Having a secret identity makes you feel as though you can someday become a true superhero, someone who makes the world a better place from behind the scenes. In that sense, you want to be someone like your current favorite person on the internet, jk.seagull. You don’t know him, nor do you know his real name.

All you know is that his craft makes you happy.

With the funny fanfic boy in mind, you glance up to make sure the coast is clear before taking your first strum. Despite the dullness of your old worn-out strings, what your ears hear is crisp and bright.

-

You aren’t sure how much time has passed since you began singing along to a melody only you know, but you’re suddenly pulled back into reality with a single mention of her from outside the classroom.

“What do you think about the Snow news?”

“It’s honestly sad.”

“With how little she contributes to her music, I really don’t think she deserves a break.”

“She should just keep going. How hard is it to sing a few songs? I hope she knows she’s letting a lot of people down just so she could relax.”

“Or better yet, she should just retire early.”

You set down your guitar on the piano bench. You’ve heard quite enough and you’re ready to slam the door on the noisy group passing by. But by the time you peek your head out from the crack, the group is already at the other end of the hall. You do, however, find a surprise sitting right outside the music room.

The boy who was supposedly too sick to come to class is too busy sketching away to notice you staring at him.

“How long have you been sitting out here?”

The tiny hairs on the back of the boy’s neck stand up as his drawing hand freezes at the sound of your voice. He turns around, looking up at you as if he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing.

“Since I started sketching.” Jungkook shows you a simple yet pretty drawing of a flowery spring field. By his art standards, it couldn’t have taken him long to draw that one page.

But it isn’t until you start flipping through the rest of the pages in the sketchbook that you realize he’d been sitting there for quite a while. Each page is similar to the last with only slight differences in between. When you fly through the pages like a flipbook, you see the whole picture.

From the first sketch of spring flowers, snow slowly covers the field until only a single flower remains in a winter wonderland. If you go in reverse, you can watch as the snow melts away until that one flower disappears amongst its brethren.

“What kind of flower is that?” You point to the one that somehow managed to blossom through the thickness of the snow. Maybe if it were colored in, you’d have a better idea.

“A strong one?” Jungkook shrugs as if he’s not the artist who knows the the answer. You hate yourself for cackling along at his lousy joke. He closes his sketchbook as a way to change the subject. “Why aren’t you in class?”

“Funny you should ask. The professor dismissed our class to work on the group projects. And then Tae ditched to go do his usual skirt-chasing shenanigans because somebody in our group didn’t show up.”

“Sorry,” the boy bites his lower lip with a hint of regret. “I didn’t really feel well enough to sit in class today.”

“Then why didn’t you just stay at home?”

“I still had this project to turn in and finish for my other class.” He raises his sketchbook. “And besides, music is the best medicine.”

You feel your cheeks burning up. The last person you expected to catch you messing around with your guitar in the music department was the art student who was supposed to be out sick. “How much did you hear…?”

“All I heard was one song…” He assures you for a slight second before going in for the kill, “…that you kept replaying over and over and over-”

“I get it. You heard a lot,” you hiss. “You better not tell anyone! Not even Tae.”

“I won’t,” he promises, chuckling at your distress. It seems the kid’s gotten comfortable enough around you to start clowning you. “It’s a nice song, by the way.”

“Really?” You want to believe him, but you have a hard time doing so. When all you’ve heard was brutal criticism for the past few years, it’s difficult to accept any compliment without feeling like there’s ill intent behind it. It feels wrong to feel good about yourself.

Besides, maybe he’s just complimenting you out of obligation. Like he’s trying to be nice, even if he doesn’t actually feel that way about your song.

“I’ll burden the pain so you don’t have to,” he says.

“What?”

“That’s a line from the lyrics, right?”

You nod.

“It’s a very Y/N thing to say.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jungkook shrugs and swirls his Sailor Venus keychain around his index finger. “Just take it as a compliment, Y/N.”

If not for his soft teasing smile, your mind would still be filled with doubt. Instead, you accept the compliment and gain a tiny bit of confidence back.

“Come in for a second,” you start walking back inside the music room. “And close the door behind you.”

Jungkook does as he’s told, his eyes glued to your guitar as you pick it up off the piano bench. There, you do something you’ve never practiced but had always hoped to perform as Snow—your own acoustic version of one of your songs.

It doesn’t matter that you’ve never practiced or touched your guitar in years. You know the key, the chords, the strum pattern. And you know how to make it your own. Not Snow’s or anyone else’s.

When you’re done with your mini acoustic performance, the boy can’t help but chuckle. He’s about to clown you again. You can feel it.

“What??”

“It’s nothing.”

“Jungkook.”

“It’s seems like you don’t hate Snow as much as you lead on.”

“I was only trying to show how I would’ve done the song if I were her.”

“Ah, so you criticize Snow so much because you think you can do better?”

“Not necessarily better… just differently.” You hope that answer is enough to satisfy the boy. But it’s not. He only nods with an awfully suspicious smirk. “What now??”

“It’s cool that you want to be a songwriter.”

“I never said that I did,” you say with a slight pout and hmph. You’ve never once mentioned your true dreams to anyone besides maybe some random kid at camp when you were ten. You’d hate to announce your bold aspirations with the utmost confidence, only to flop and fail before achieving anything. You’d rather keep it a secret until you perhaps “pop-off” as the kids say.

“Sure.” He doesn’t believe you.

“Are you always this sassy when you’re sick?”

His long locks flow as he shakes his head. “I’m feeling better now, actually. Thanks to your medicine.”

Maybe the kid was faking his sickness all along. Then again, Taehyung did say Jungkook wasn’t the type to skip class under most circumstances. Perhaps there was something else that was bothering him.

“Wait, you weren’t upset about Snow’s hiatus, right?” You remember the gossip from the noisy group that had passed by earlier. The beating you took from their words still stings.

“To be honest, I was worried about her at first with everything that went on,” Jungkook says. “But I think she probably just needed some time away from all that.”

“Probably,” is all you say, doing your best to downplay the amount of relief his words gave you. He isn’t upset or let down; he just wishes the best for your well-being. And as an idol, that’s all you’ve ever asked for. “You know, you’re the nicest Snow fan I’ve ever met.”

“You know a lot of other Snow fans?” Jungkook tilts his head at your odd statement. Oh right. You’ve only really met other fans as Snow, not as Y/N. Now you sound suspicious.

“Oh yeah, for sure. My friend, Seokjin, reads Snow smut all the time,” you force out a laugh while making a mental apology to your manager. Then you decide it’s best to change the subject before you blow your cover. “Speaking of fanfiction, I need your opinion on Witch Hazel!”

“What about it?”

“The new bunny character.” You whip out your phone for direct reference of the comic. “He’s funny, right?”

“He’s good at teasing Snow,” Jungkook looks at your phone screen of the bunny saying that Snow thinks he’s cute. “I wonder if he’ll make her fall for him.”

“I want him to.” Your eyes light up without knowing. To have Snow fall in love is wishful thinking, but a large part of you craves romance deep down—even if it’s only for the fictional version of yourself. “But at the same time, he’s not Snow’s type.”

“What’s Snow’s type?”

“Huh?” You somehow managed to fuck up again, so you shrink yourself and hope to disappear. “I don’t know… Why would I know what Snow’s type is…? It’s probably not a playboy like the bunny, but I wouldn’t know that…!”

“So you think she’d like someone more… considerate?”

You nod. “Probably just someone who takes the time to get to know her.”

“I guess we’ll see in the upcoming chapters.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” You can’t quite hold back a smile. After all, your day always feels a lot better when it involves your favorite little comic.

Jungkook must’ve noticed your face because he makes a comment. “I am curious, though, as to why you like Witch Hazel so much when you clearly don’t care for Snow herself.”

“For me, it has nothing to do with Snow.” To mask your smile, you make a cute duck face instead. “Reading it just… makes me happy.” As much as you’d hate to admit it, it’s been a long time since anything has given you good vibes the way that one comic does.

“That’s good,” the boy says, gathering his things to head to his next class. “It’s the same for me with Snow’s music… in case you were wondering.” And with that, he leaves you with something to think about.

If Snow’s music is Jungkook’s medicine, Witch Hazel is yours.

-

By the time you get home from school, you’re still smiling like an idiot after what Jungkook had said. Snow’s music makes him happy, and the mere thought of that makes you happy. It’s in (very rare) times like this that you remember why you chose to become an idol in the first place. It’s why you endure the pain.

With your mind clouded in an unfamiliar wave of emotion, you pull out your phone and tap on Jungkook’s contact information. After changing his contact name to something cuter, you start composing a casual message just to say hi.

Jungkook. What if I told you a secret?

Delete. You’ve never deleted a message so quick. You don’t even know which secret you would’ve told the boy. That you’re his crush, Snow? Or that he’s yours? Not that you have a huge crush on him… You swear it’s just a tiny one!

Regardless, you shouldn’t be sharing any of your deepest secrets with him—at least not for now. It’s not that you don’t trust him. It’s just that it’s a tricky situation to be in.

Your eyes move from your guitar, to the stacks of handwritten sheet music beside it, to the album that won you your first award—where the pain all began. Even the most supportive fan could not imagine what you’ve given up to be the idol that you are, to be someone with a name.

The only thing you can do now is take it all back. And only then will you let Jungkook in. But until that time comes, you don’t belong to him or anyone else.

4:44PM Snow “Are you free to talk?”

4:46PM Jimin “Yeah”

#bts scenarios #bts fanfic #bts angst #jungkook fanfic #btsboulangerie #bts fluff #bts imagines #jungkook x reader #bts college au #bts idol au #jungkook #bts #bangtan #witch hazel

[your-localghost]

so um who wants to read a 50 page essay of me and my mom's journey through the IT movies?

too bad you're reading it

so like i saw this goddamm clown, and i, also being a clown, said to my mom, also a clown, "lets watch this clown movie lol" and she said yes. and in the like first five minutes we are already awwing and stuff because??? omg georgie and bill are so cu- oh. oh my god. oh this us not what we thought at all-

so enter Losers. instant RELATE i am also a LOSER hellO?? hAh look at these 2 idiots theyre bickering like an old couple an- oh my fucking GOD of course there are bullies. one of them looks like draco malfoy??? guYs did draco malfoy play in this movie we see him like 2 times-

oh my god oh no poor bill he is trying to find his brother :( but alsO BEV IS SO PRETTY??? IM SO GAY???? and yeah i really feel the New Kid On The Block like same man i didnt even get to meet a pretty girl and a buncho losers who will go jump into lakes with me

OH and the lake scene? it bites me in the ass later. i fucking passed it off as a "theyre bonding" moment and then it transforms into a feelings plane and crashes into my house

--

me: they just keep leaving their bikes

mom: well It takes kids, not bikes

--

fastforward and??? the fight secene?? the fuckijgn fi Ght SCE ne??? o H M Y GO D

bill was so desperate to find georgie?? richie was so scared he would die??? beN BEING SCARED HIS FRIENDS ARE GONE?

i AM ALL OF THESE FUCKERS

and oh?? bev's dad??? hate the vibe this dude gives to me. like this dude def did more than mentally abuse her and im so glad she beat him up

uhHHH??? WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT EDDIE STANDING UP TO HIS FREAKSHOW OF A MOM??? HOW HE WAS SO MAD????? HE THREW HIS PILLS ON THE GROUND HELLO, HE STRAIGHT UP YEETED HIS FANNY PACK??? MAN the things a gay goes through for his friends

bill's speech on georgie, like, dude just fucking stab me it will hurt way less

fastforward more, the oath??? how scared stan was??? like i ddint really feel any connection with stan other than his actor played my fav character, stan, in ianowt, but uHm? i still love him??? so mUCH???

oOOOH i just realied i didnt talk about mikey

ahem

THE ROCK FIGHT THE FUKING ROCK FIGHT THE ROCK FIGHT OH MY GOD

THESE LOSERS ARE SCARED SHITLESS OF THOSE SHITBAGS BUT THEY SEE ANOTHER LOSER AND THE FIRST THING THEY DO IS THROW R O C K LIKE FUCK YEAH YOU FUCNKY LITTLE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS STAND UP FOR YOUR FELLOW BULLIED I LOVE MIKEY SO M7CH OH MY GOD

__

so between the 2 movies we realized it wasnt on netflix and went on various websites to watch the 2nd movie, got progressively angrier until i got my laptop and just watched it blindly because we are both blind

--

okay heres the tea yall

they completely erased bev's character in the 2nd movie. in the first it was emphesized SO MUCH just how brave she was compared to the others. she took the first step, she wasnt afraid to go into the house she fought her abusive dad and in the 2nd movie it was all gone. i really liked the fact that bev wqsnt a damsel in distress until in the 2nd movie she was. while in the 1st movue you forgot that gender roles existed in the 2nd it really seemed like they wrote bev as a "woman" rather than "bev" you dig me??? okay rant over. basically fuck the 2nd movie bev and im not just saying this because her 1st movie actor made me realize i was a lesbian. on to the movie

oh mY GOD HOMOSEXUALS??? WILL THEY HAVE A PART IN THIS STORY OH MY IM SO EX- oh. right. oh hey theres mikey :D

___

me: who's this??

mom: its bill look, its his surname

me:

me: you remember bill's surname but not richie or ben's names?

---

oh theyre all grown up!! oh bevs fighting an abusive man again and uh

___

mom: i have a feeling stans gonna kill himself

me: hah can you imagi

---

STANLEY??? BABEY BOY OH NO???? and also are we gonna let the spider with the baby head thing pass?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DONT REMEMBER ANYTHI-

"this is like a virus its been eating us for 27 years!" YEA MIKEY ITS CALLED PTSD YOU FOUGHT A FUCKING DEMON AND DIDNT SEE A THERAPIST????

also the whole tribe thing seemed really out of story and like it didnt belong there at all? idk maybe its just me but i dont wanna believe that bill's 3rd eye opened after he got drugged by his friend idk

so like hightlights because ive got many rants about the 2nd movie

what the fuck do you mean bev got out of jer specilized hell after ben recited 1 fucking poem are you kidding me are yOU FUCKING KIDDING ARE WE REALLY DOING THE SAVED BY LOVE BULLSHIT AGAIN OH OKAY

OH OKAY FUCK YOU

SO BEV GETS SAVED IN THE FIRST MOVIE AFTER BEN KISSES HER WHEN AT THE TIME HE PRIBABLY THOUGHT LOVE WAS AT ITS PEAK WHEN YOU GAVE YOUR 2ND GRADE CRUSH A BADLY WRITTEN POEM

AND UFKCING HELL IT HAPPENS IN THE 2ND MOVIE TOO??? DOES PENNYWISE JUST THINK "oh these bitches hetero bettet keep them alive" BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS WOULD ALL BE OKAY IF

IF

IF EDDIE LIVED TOO

FUCK I RELATE TO RICHIE SO MUCH??? HIS FIGHT WITH HIS PEERS AND HIS FIGHT WITH HIMSELF OVER HIS YEARS LASTING CRUSH ON EDDIE?? OH MY GOD IT WAS SO OBVIOUS THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS GAY AND I DIDNT REALIZE UNTIL THE 2ND MOVIE WHEN HE HAS A BREAKDOWN BECAHSE HIS SOULMATE GETS STABBED BY HOMOPHOBIC FORTNITE DANCING CLOWN WHILR HE TRIES TO SAVE HIMA DN THEN FUCKIN G DIES EVEN THOUGHT THESE 2 IDIOTS HAD MORE CHEMISTRY THAN BILL+BEV AND BEN+BEV COMBINED OH MY GOD IM SO MAD THE HETEROS GET TO LIVE BY TRUE LOVE BUT THE GAYS DONT AND UG G H H G G HH "hes dead" NO HE FUCKING IS NOT THIS ISNT FAIR I LOVED EDDIE SO MUCH

well uh now that we got my love for richie on papet um

the lake scene

i cried and i had to watch heteros kiss underwater while wiping my tears. its only cool when percabeth does it guys

the lake scene aside i full on BAWLED LIKE A BABY at the ending because i felt so bad that stan died already and i felt bad that not only was richie facing years if bullying and homophobia anf the loss of his friends it finally is confirmed that richie had a crush on eddie and i

i just cried man? it hurt me so much as it weighed on me how many jokes richie made, how scared he was when he saw the missing paper of himself, his flashbacks to people calling him names, his speech to eddie and that he had to get dragged out because this fucker obviously couldnt let go of his feelings. and between all of that and stan's letter my brain blocks out everything and focuses on one

R + E

oh my god

OH MY GOD NO

NOW i dont really like watching movies. as a writer myself im really critical of everything involving the world building, the characters, the plot and all that jazz and usually the acting is so bad that i dont feel for the characters but THIS ONE. T H I S O N E

my mom turned to me and was SO SHOCKED to see my flat out CRYING because i just dont do that man, and she just asked my what made me cry and i just made a noise like "hhhnnnn" and she nodded and went "richie's love story" and i, still crying, went "hhhnnnn" but in a higher pitch

and im just so mad? that eddie didnt get to live?? we didnt get an "i love you" or even a "im gay" from richie??? we didnt get to see them holding hands and letting go of their trauma together and being gay and happy yet

yet the fucking bad-writer-white-boy and boo-hoo-i-had-no-friends and not-bev get happy endings??? mike can get a happy ending because he is a well thought out character

thESE 3 ON THE OTHER HAND OH MY GOD

bill had to change his endings which really makes me angry because ima writer yada yada

bill has been bullied his uh what whole life? he got told his opinion didnt matter and from what i remember even his parents shut down his ideas and i feel like he should have made the endings how he wanted instead of changing to what the public wanted. thats what he defended as a kid, thats why he was in the losers club unwilling to change, because they were losers. yet he changed.

ben should have stayed fat or at least have abnornal weight because that also defeats his story with bev. it makes it seem that suddenly and magically when ben is hot bev can BEGIN to consider that she loves him.

i already ranted about bev.

mike is decent i guess? i like that he didnt stay with whoever the fuck that was in the first movie because he seemed very aggreasive to me. im glad the chose to research into pennywise because others were too stupid not to (RICH AND EDDIE GET A PASS AGAIN BECAUSE THEY SHARE HALF A BRAINCELL AND I LOVE THEM)

well stan is just tragic

___

me: who the fuck is afraid of spiders why do they keep showing up

mom: its stan?

mom: he brought the hair things and all

me, about to cry: oh m y god

---

so TL;DR: we really liked the first film! the acting, the plot, the creepiness is overall better and you get to relate to a bunch of Losers who get abused by their parents

the 2nd film doesnt exist. i refuse to acknowledge it exist EXCEPT for the ending where stan writes a letter about how he would like to meet hks friends again while BREATHING and richie and eddie carve their initials on a piece of wood and get to be gay.

if your name starts with B your opinion is invalid in the 2nd movie

also can anybody give me fanfics where the fortnite dancing clown doesnt exist and richie goes to therapy to heal from the bullying and once he gets over his homophobia he gays with eddie??? specific i know but im willing to write it if it doesnt exist

#ghost reviews movies #i guess? #it (movie) #it (2017) #it (2019) #spoilers #tw abuse mention #tw homophobia mention #tw suicide mention #this is a #rant #AND A #vent #BECAUSE OF RICHIE AND RICHIE ONLY #long post

[svnnysidevp]

new(est) muse description dump lets go crazy go STUPID babies 

𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐨 — modeling major . doesn't take anything she does seriously . is a clown but also v vain n cares a lot abt how she looks so she comes off as kinda bratty except when shes goofin off . can be introverted arnd new people but when she does get close to them she gets v funny n talkative like sis does Not stop talking periodt . park chaeyoung

𝐢𝐝𝐚 𝐡𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐠 — idasmomjeans on youtube ; think bestdressed or kelsey kreppel typa content . nice and spontaneous n moves ‘round on a whim . born n raised in la and moved to new york after graduating . stylish n fun n loooves thrifting n being v honest n no filter w her followers . has had maybe one serious bf ever . lee gahyeon

𝐩𝐚𝐤 𝐝𝐚𝐧 — cellist from nokor . lowkey based on dan from ‘ crash landing on you . ‘ has a husband back home whom she doesn’t really love but she knows she’ll have to come back to him anyway , even when shes been studying abroad now for years . well-off ; very bitchy n haughty n cold but passionate about what she thinks is right . jung chaeyeon ( young v ) / seohyun ( old v )

𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐢 𝐠𝐮𝐧𝐠 — music producer . growing up she was never the brightest bulb and as such ppl never expected much from her but she loves LOVES music . n she figured out how to make it at a young age , when she worked in her church ministry group . kept getting better at it n eventually she ended up doing a lot of freelance work for different companies and artists n earned a name for herself . she dropped out of college n now jus focuses on her music but she’s close with a lot of her friends from there still and now she works on makin that PHAT coin . a workaholic and is v scatterbrained n also busy n she doesn’t speak to her family much but she has all these connections n newfound fam she’s built for herself so at least she isn’t 100% lonely . jessica jung

𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞 𝐳𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐠 — food tiktoker and youtuber . think milktpapi . himbo and fuckboy headass . started his tiktok acct as a joke but then ended up really liking it n now hes monetized his content . just ur humble socal asian american boy haha x . xiaojun

𝐰𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 — barista and gap year taker . late to everything n typically does not get many things right but hes chilling , he’s vibing . kind of a smart talker but a sweetie underneath . yuta 

𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐤𝐢𝐦 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐭 — agent . works to infiltrate gangs n collate data in order to make bringing them down easier . secretive abt most of what he does but draws people in anw bc hes handsome n is a polite person overall . yes he is ANOTHER mark lee SO WHAT 

𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚'𝒔 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 — a new three piece band from daegu tryna make it big :pensive:

𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧 𝐣𝐚𝐧𝐠 — bassist and lead singer / rapper . has been singing since she was two , started the band for fun n now that theyre making it big n gaining traction and it isnt as fun anymore is second guessing if this is rly what she wants to do w her life . loves her boys though , theyre her whole life . swears like a damn sailor . mom issues . taeyeon

𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐧𝐚𝐦 — drummer ; back up singer . does a lot of dumb shit for no reason . always a little dazed and confused but is enjoying life as it comes . grew up with berlin ( dated her for a while , too , but they dont talk about that ) and was the initial second member of the band . parents had a kid before him who passed away n even w all the love he received he always felt some pressure on himself to live up to certain expectations / things his late brother couldnt achieve . chanyeol

𝐝𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐨 — guitarist . the only one actually taking this shindig seriously . is smart ; very smart . rooms with moses and berlin n tries not to lose it each time they throw a house party n leave the whole place in shambles . big boyfriend goals energy n yet doesn’t seem to be inch rested in anyone . yixing

#my NEWEST children #come n lov them #theyre all so stupid

[burnedbyshoto]

h-hello! i would like to ask you for advice. theres this boy i like and he likes me too and he wants to do sexual things with me but im nervous! i want to do it too, but im just worried he wont like what he sees or that i wont live up to expectations. feel free to ignore this if u dont want to answer. thank you uwu

OHMYGODDDDD OKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKOK

first of all, congratulations on finding a boy you like and finding out he likes you too!!!!!! thats A M A Z I N G!!!!!!!

second of all, doing sexual things is apart of many people’s identities, and there is nothing wrong with having sex or some sort of intercourse as long as it is consensual!!!!!!! i don’t know how old you are anon, but im going to guess youre at most 18. underage sex is tricky… obviously because of sex laws, but i grew up in an area where kids where having sex in 6th grade so i have a different viewpoint on it in comparison to laws. i definitely dont agree that middle schoolers should be having sex, nor should freshmen because youre still babies, but if you happen to be around this time i can’t stop you. 

but i will advise you:

sex is… underwhelming the first time. don’t expect it to be like the smut you’ve read here about first timers. unless this boy has had sex before, or just happens to be very good naturally, it most likely will be awkward! my first time was awkward because me and my partner did not communicate, which brings me to my second point!

communicate!!!!!!!! talk with him during sex, say “yes i like that” or “do that again” or “how did that feel” there are many ways to ask if something worked without it breaking the mood for lack of a better term. communicate even if it embarrasses you because theres nothing worse then just laying there with a dick in you and just feeling disappointed.

nerves are natural!!! you should be nervous! sex is a big thing for most people, i obviously didnt “save myself for marriage” but i waited for someone right to sleep with, and i honestly even though my first time was awkward, i dont regret it!

now about expectations. DONT EVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO PORN OR SMUT OR ANY PREVIOUS PARTNERS HE MAY HAVE!!!!!!!!! i can not stress that enough. porn stars are acting, theyre ACTORS of course they’re screaming and moaning their heads off at everything, why do you think “moaning like a porn star” is a coined thing??? we know its fake!!! when you’re new to sex and younger of course expectations will be like what you read and watch, but you can’t rely on that. moan if you want to moan, scream if it feels fantastic, but NEVER moan or scream to make him feel better. tis why we women are stuck doing fake orgasms. take my advice, ive never faked an orgasm in my life (except one but that was because he was like “i wont leave until you cum” and i was tired of him). as i said before, smut is also dramaticized, we reader want you to feel and experience whats happening. so of course the moans and strings of curses will leave your lips as character pounds his dick into you as your walls clench around him, and his head is thrown back because hes so close on edge as the coil in your belly tightens. is that going to happen in real life??? maybe. depends on how great a partner he is, but itll take awhile for you to find that, definitely not on your first time!!!!! and previous partners???? EVERYONE HAS SEX DIFFERENTLY!!! EVERYONE IS UNIQUE IN THEIR LIKES, KINKS, AND TURN ONS SO IF HE HAS HAD SEX BEFORE AND GOES OFF BECAUSE ANOTHER GIRL LIKED THIS OR THAT AND YOU DONT??? DO NOT APOLOGIZE THIS IS ABOUT YOU NOT HIM OR HER!!!!!!!!!! what you can do to figure out what you like is simple by masturbation. figure out what you like beforehand so you can tell him how to please you! sex is not a one way street sweet anon, and many delusional boys act like it is, but yoU CANT LET HIM DO THAT TO YOU!!!!

the most important advice i can give you now is: be confident!!!!!

simple and easy to say, harder to accept. you are beautiful the way you are! skinny, fat, curvy, thin, short, tall, blind, deaf, no matter the case. you are you, and if he has feelings for you that has to mean he likes you the way you are so use that if it helps. he’s interested in you sexually, he wants you, and you want him! he’s gonna like anything you have to present him, so be ready! go get yourself a cute bra and panties, make yourself feel HOT AND BEAUTIFUL because thats hot as hell for both you and him!!!!

sex is scary but it should be fun if you have sexual desires!!!! so take him by the dick and go to town when YOU FEEL READY

(maybe there will be more help in the replies??? just in case i missed anything important)

#sex q&a with lyssa #ask lyssa anything

[shenanigans-academia]

Summer Training Camp Arc/ Rescue Bakugo/ The End of All Might

Episode 39: Game Start

•the fact that Denki and Mineta physically went to Mido’s house to invite him to the pool is actually kinda cute. Too bad they have creepy intentions

•Momo:”Aw I was supposed to spend several weeks traveling Venice with my parents”

Uraraka: “WHAT is YoUr LiFE??” I feel you girl

•Mineta/Denki:”TheRe’S BoObS At tHe End Of ThiS TuNnEL”

Iida-Absolute Unit-Tenya:”HELLO FELLOW CLASSMATES”

•Iida is built like a fucking TANK what the heck but why the fuck are you walking like that Iida lmao

•Iida talking about how far he and Izuku have come as friends, I’m soft

•Kiri refusing to come without Bakubabe convincing Bakugo to join then looking so defeated when he immediately starts picking a fight I can’t with these two

•”friendly competition between classmates” cuts to Bakugou looking possessed before saying “I’m going to annihilate you Deku/ Icy Hot Bastard” bruh do you have an off switch or at least take it down like 20 notches you’re exhausting

•”YOU DIDNT EVEN TOUCH THE WATER”

“ITS CALLED FREE STYLE SWIMMING”

•Lmao the whole class is cheating

•I love how it just cut to a dramatic montage of TodoDeku moments while Sho can’t take his eyes off Mido WHY THEY ALL SO INTENSE FOR YOURE 15 HANGING OUT AT A POOL DURING THE SUMMER WHY ARE YOU GUYS ALWAYS ON

•Mido/Todo/Iida all just staring at each other intensely having their own inner montages. Literally anybody watching them “...are they okay?”

•Aizawa you party pooper

•I’m sorry but Kirishima is so in love and no one can tell me other wise no I do not take constructive criticism

•Okay that end montage is so fucking pure I’m. So. Soft

Episode 40: Wild, Wild Pussycats

•Kirishima “can’t keep my hands to myself/off Bakugo Katsuki” Eijirou

•Class 1B to anybody they meet: “we’re sorry about Monoma”

•Aizawa loves his class can’t you tell

•”Long time no see” Aizawa’s a cutie

•Lmao KOTA the first of Mido’s adopted kids

•These poor fucking kids can’t catch a fucking BREAK

•Koda tried and I love him

•Kiri’s heart eyes are so LOUD

•I love when they all work together

•”YOURE IN MY WAY ICY HOT”

“Then pick another route” Todoroki doesn’t have time for your tantrums Kacchan

•These poor kids

•Kota went for the KO

•”YOU FIEND OF A CHILD. GEEZ KID HOW OLD ARE YOU”

•”Brats got spunk”

“He’s like a mini version of you “

He’s right and should say it

•Mineta needs a muzzle

•The boys are all like we’re just as curious to see the girls but Mineta needs to calm down 300%

•Kota to the rescue!

•IIDA GOT A FACEFUL OF MiNETA ASS HE DIDNT DESERVE THAT AGSFJSHHSJXG

•Mina almost killed a child with her boobs I’m dead and so is Kota

•I’m sorry but it’s both funny and weird that Midoriya is just naked while being told this child’s tragic backstory

•Aizawa you are actively trying to kill your students aren’t you just admit it

Episode 41: Kota

•Testutestu is such a good boy

•Good training idea according to UA Teachers: Break yourselves or else you’re weak. Just fucking die then you can be heroes

•Tiger is amazing “I’m here to beat you guys to a pulp”

“I have some questions about him...” ME TOO RANDOM CLASS 1B STUDENT BUT I LOVE HIM

•Iida tries so hard

•Momo explains how her quirk works: smart and precise description

Sero Fucking Hanta: “like how poop works” BRUH

•This kid is literally just a mini Kacchan

•I’m sorry but Mido why would you ask a small child who you’re trying to befriend about their murdered parents like what part in your mind made you think that was a good idea

•Mina And Bakugo sleep the same way, starfish style, I love them. But who the FUCK is sleeping under a bunch of pillows off their mattress on the straight floor with their butt in the air (I bet money it’s Kaminari)

•everyone complaining about training in the dark:

Tokoyami: ”Revelry in the Dark”

•Kirishima’s too tired to deal with his angry boyfriend

•Todoroki trying to help Midoriya with Kota “be careful what you say, you can be really annoying” he’s trying

•Tokoyami constantly whispering “Revelry in the Dark” to himself is the FUNNIEST thing to me I love you, you emo punk

•It Dabi Time

Episode 42: My Hero

•these poor fucking kids I swear

•”we want our treat Mr. Aizawa”

“Do you want me to tighten your bindings?”

Oooh Kinky Bad Aizawa akshdhbekal

•MONOMA SHUT UP

•Spinner is a long lost Ninja Turtle Brother change my mind

•”DIDNT ANYBODY TELL YOU ITS NOT A HEROES JOB TO BE HAPPY” clearly

•I respect Testutestu so much

•This muscley villain is Bakugo’s real dad and nobody can tell me other wise

•Okay that fucking Bondage villain is genuinely terrifying

•KOTA BABY STAY BACK P L E A S E

•it’s been X amount of days since breaking my bones- erases whatever number was there and puts a fat zero MIDORIYA YOU WERE DOING SO WELL but for this we will make an exception I guess

•oh my fucKING GOD KOTA JUST R U N

•Mido really thought he was gonna die holy FUCK

•”One For All One Million Percent” MIDORIYA YOU CANT EVEN HANDLE 5% BABY BOY WHAT IS YOU DOIN

Episode 43: Drive It Home, Iron Fist

•Shiggy thinking in Video Games format is honestly so on brand

•Mido is FUCKED UP right now poor boy

•”We’re in big trouble” YEAH NO SHIT ERASURE

•BAMF Aizawa is my reason for living

•Okay I forgot how much I love Twice

•Aizawa seeing Izuku’s broken bones: ”AGAIN???”

•Kota’s precious and I LOVE DADZAWA

•KIRI’S SO UPSET THAT THAT THE VILLAINS ARE HERE FOR BAKUGO IM SOBBING

•”Teachers changing their minds about fighting, why do I feel like this is Deku’s fault” BAKUGO SHUT UP YOU HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW YOU DICKHEAD

•TESTUTESTU IS SUCH A GOOD BOY

•DUDE BROUGHT A FUCKING GUN TO A CAMP I FORGOT ABOUT THAT HOLY SHIIIITTT

•CLASS 1B MVPS KENDO AND TESTU MOTHERFUCKING TESTU

•Midoriyas doing a Naruto run because his arms are fucking broken I’m crying

•Tokoyami, Dark Shadow And Shouji IM READY

Episode 44: Roaring Upheaval

•Tokoyami tries so hard to be good I love him

•WE! DESERVE! SO! MUCH! MORE! SHOUJI!

•Yami is so emo And is just such a Good Boi AH

•Scared Bakugo is Baby

•Honestly they’re all Baby

•Toga:”I love messed up bleeding people”

Mido: shows up completely broken

Toga:”Mr. Stainy who? I want that one”

•Aoyama would be the kid who gets caught in hide and seek because they think they have a great spot and can’t be seen and try to peek them convince themselves still nobody saw them in plain sight

•Awase was fully prepared to die protecting Momo I’m CRYING he’s my new favorite

•Battle Plan Mastermind Mido is amazing

•Also poor unconscious kid just being dragged behind Uraraka haha

Episode 45: Shat A Twist!

•Kiri: “I cant let them take my boyfriend” poor boy just wants to help so bad

•Whelp nobody is safe

•LMAO Aizawa just stomping on Fake Dabi has me dying

•Shouto how long has it been since you last saw your brother...?

•Shouji SMACK A BITCH Mezo

•I LOVE SHOUJI

•Compress you freak get those kids out of your mouth ya nasty

•AOYAMA YES

•Dabi stop being a dick to your little brother I’m gonna tell Rei

•Kirishima is so upset AND IM UPSET MY BABIES

•These kids just wanted a fun week at camp LEAVE THEM ALONE THEYRE 15

•...Mic...is the traitor...

•I love how everybody hates All Might’s ringtone lmao

•All Might’s like only Us teachers are allowed to beat our kids to a pulp in order to better them as heroes y’all are just mean

•I know Mitsuki has just a bad a temper as her son but how do you think she reacted finding out her child was the kidnap victim of a villain attack? No matter what you think of her as a parent, that’s still her kid and she must have been devastated. But just like Katsuki she would never admit it to his face

•Precious Boy Denki And Class 1A coming to visit their hurt friends I love this class so much

•”I brought a present! I mean it’s from everyone. It’s a melon!” Okay that was pretty cute

•Kirishima being like “why is everyone crying we’re going to go get him let’s go gays time to get our Gremlin back”

•Kiri:”he’s still within your reach Midoriya!”

Mido:”...my arms are BUSTED my dude nothing is in my reach right now I’m still gonna come tho”

Episode 46: From Iida to Midoriya

•Kirishima is THE Best Boi I love him so fucking much I would die for him

•Iida’s trying his best not to blow a gasket

•”Hysterical Strength” yeah sounds like Deku

•”Go home and take it easy” lmao have you met this kid?

•Kota is so freaking sweet

•Izuku. Go see your mother

•Iida’s got some good points. I’m including that punch to Midoriya

•Bakugo must be so tired of being tied up and restrained you know he doesn’t have bondage kink later on in life just hits too close to trauma

•Kiri’s constant state of mind: WWBD (WHAT Would Bakugo Do)

•Mido: Stealth Mode=Wakanda Forever

•Iida has the best costume this is not up for debate. I also always forget he has an undercut, we Stan an icon

•”So the rich girl just wants to go shopping” I’m crying

•Clean Shaven/Neat Hair Aizawa? Hell to the fucking Yes Please

•I’m genuinely proud of Bakugo and the fact that he knows that he’s intense and scares a lot of people/ how he comes across is aggressive and almost villain like, he adamantly doesn’t want to be a villain even if everyone just assumes he would be. He wants to be a hero. Whatever it takes

Episode 47: All For One

•Rightful shoutout to Kendo and Testu

•”We are offering mental health counseling to every single student but right now we do not see signs of any serious psychological trauma” Nezu I’m sorry but those kids are officially fucked up for life you can’t be serious

•”what if they’re brainwashing young Bakugo right now towards the path of villainy” leave Bakugo ALONE

•Aizawa is like you come for my angry son I come for your throat try me again bitch

•FERAL GREMLIN BOY FIGHT OR FIGHT MODE ACTIVATED Bakugo has no flight mode only fight

•Mido: Incoherent mumbling

Momo:“this is peak Midoriya” I love how they’re just used to him now

•the boys are just like you’re not touching our friend you drunk creeps

•Kirishima came PREPARED to get his boy back I love him

•Bakugo just take the help you prideful little shit

•Okay Edgeshot is great where has he been all this time

•Annndddd it all went to shit so fast

•oh my god Best Jeanist is fuckin dead

Episode 48: Symbol of Peace

•”You won’t escape Shigaraki” umm so how’d that work out for ya All Might?

•Kamui Woods “IM SO SORRY” poor boy

•Talking to Best Jeanist:”consider me...pressed” All For One got jokes huh

•...yeah no BJ REALLY Fuckin Ded

•These kids are so fucking traumatized

•A WILD BAKUGOU APPEARS

•Twice has big Deadpool energy tbh

•Lmao Iida has had enough

•Mom and Dad of group award goes to Iida and Momo

•All For One: asks Kurogiri to help warp the League

Also All For One: Stabs him while doing it

•”I don’t think so. Because... I Am Here!” All For One really said Fuck All Might

•All these kids think in Video Game Lmao

•I know there’s a lot of commotion happening but I definitely feel like the villains would be able to hear them talking

•Midoriya went to Kirishima like time to get your asshole boyfriend back you lovesick fool

•”YOU IDIOTS” you’re smiling because your friends are here you jerk

•Everyone’s so intense then Kiri-fucking-shima is there smiling like an idiot because BAKUGO’S BACK

•ALL MIGHT ALL MIGHT ALL MIGHT ALL MIGHT

•...I always forget Shiggy’s familial lineage and it’ makes me sad every time

•I love this episode so MUCH

Episode 49: One For All

•YOUNG MIGHT

•Nana Shimura looks just like Momo...Todoroki Secret Lovechild Theories Intensifies

•”YOU GUYS DIDN’T RESCUE ME YOU WERE MY BEST ESCAPE ROUTE”

“You’re welcome!”

Oh Bakugo just say thank you

•...soooo many people died in Camino Ward, man...

•Aizawa looks so young

•ALL THE KIDS WATCHING THEIR TEACHER AND HERO GET BEATEN TO A PULP HORRIFYINGLY IM SO UPSET

•All For One really just pulled an “I am your father” move but with Shiggy and Nana that’s messed up

•THE PEOPLE RALLYING BEHIND ALL MIGHT IM SOBBING YALL

•NOW IS NOT THE TIME ENDEAVOR

•THERE WE GO THATS BETTER

•Everyone loves All Might I’m so soft

•I’m genuinely crying guys

•...can everyone hear All For One talking about Midoriya oorrrrr???

•All Might you’re pulling a Deku pleaSE STOP

•United States of Smash I cant

•Kirishima really tried holding Bakugo’s hand YALL

•...Bakugo knows

•I love this episode too I’m so upset

Episode 50: End of the Beginning, Beginning of the End

•Gran Torino explaining why they didn’t know about Shimura’s family/Shigaraki is. Sad

•Bakugo is traumatized someone please help him

•Endeavor and Bakugo are the same person and I hate it

•Midoriya and All Might running to each other on the beach is big Marty and Alex from Madagascar energy I’m cackling

•PROUD DADMIGHT MAKES ME SOFT YOU’RE BOTH CRYING AND I AM S O F T

• PARENT TIME YES

•Jirou’s parents are so cool, Kyoka’s so cool THE JIROUS ARE SO COOL

•Oh my god the Bakugos are so CHAOTIC

•It all makes so much sense why he is the way he is and it’s all. Too much. Poor Katsuki

•He’s so. Tired. You can tell. I just want to give him a hug

•”Be CoOl MoM” Izu you’re just as tense and you’ve been with All Might for literally HOW LONG???

•Mama Midoriya is. Right. But that sucks for Izuku

•This is. So. Emotional

Last part of Season 3 is next. DORM LIFE BABY just a little less angst thank god these kids need a break

#mha rewatch #mha #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #long post #summer training camp #camino ward #rescue bakugo #part 5 #DORMS DORMS DORMS #spoilers

[dvrkhclme-blog]

✕ — wasn’t that raven darkholme wandering the streets of new york, 1973? civilians know them as mystique and see them as a villain. as far as i know, the one hundred and fifty+ year old stands with the x-men (sometimes), and are rumoured to be pretty deceptive & misanthropic. ( julianne moore / gender-fluid / typically she/her ) 

{ trigger warnings : mental illness, suicide, sexual abuse, drugs, terrorism, murder  }

hey everyone, i’m sophia!! i’m trash and neglected the intros for all my babies soooo i’m finally getting to them now!! anyways, i’m super excited to be here at 1973hq & i hope we can all be good friends!! <3 sooo. more about my first baby aka my murder!baby under the cut  

LEVEL 1: INTRODUCTORY INFORMATION ABOUT MY MYSTIQUE //

im not even gonna touch the mceu version of mystique ok thx therefore shes gonna be combination of comics mystique and a bunch of my own headcanons — soooo

LEVEL 2: SURFACE LEVEL MYSTIQUE — THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY // 

( skip this part if youre familiar with the mcu its basically a shortened version of her bio )

the binch is oLD ok??/ old af. probably several centuries old. i’d say 200 years old at minimum but its never really been disclosed

don’t even get me started on wtf i think happened to her to fight just to survive at age 12 when her mutation kicked in bcus,,, yike

her entire life has been characterized by betrayals. whether it be mystique betraying someone else (most likely) or her being betrayed by someone else (in the case of destiny)

her n destiny met in the early 20th century. destiny asked her to help decode her prophecies and to stop the terrifying ones from being fulfilled. they fell in Luv. they are partners. gay ass partners. (the original idea for mystique n destiny was for nightcrawler to be their canon kid. via mystique in a males body. but this was retconned bcus of homophobia thx but i’d personally love this hc if we get a kurt & it’s ok w/ them anyway )

anyway after ww2 she met sabertooth n had her first (canonically recorded) kid, graydon. who. lo n behold, she abandoned.

that’ll be a trend, fyi, better watch out for that

but graydon turned out to be a mutant hating human so thats fun

then mystique from our time went back in time in attempt to assassinate graydon (which doesnt, in the end, work),,,, also fun

then she gets married to a wealthy german count,,, uses her power to start seducing other people, when she meets azael who  manipulates and seduces her. has nightcrawler via azael ,, its cool

raven murdered her husband and was then regarded by her townsfolk n as a demon. she escaped but abandoned kurt,,, also cool

she adopts raven then. and actually genuinely loves her. (more on this in the next section)

she founds the 3rd version of the brotherhood n they do more terrorist shit good job mystique #magnetowasright

sike mystique betrayed  magneto and turned him into the government, turned the brotherhood into the freedom force, n started working for the gov. working for freedom force is when destiny died and that triggered one of mystiques many breakdowns (also more on this below)

she was v depressed at this time and taken advantage of by the shadow king. raven let herself be brainwashed by the government into thinking she was her own government handler to take down the shadow king. didnt work. he torments her the rest of her life. yike.  

she had nanotech put into her head so the government could force her to work for x-factor, while with them she finds out destiny during their partnership had other partners and kids she didnt know about and one was a mutant

graydon has this mutant savagely beaten. before mystique can kill graydon for this, hs followers kill him n turn him into a martyr. super fun. cue operation zero tolerance.

mystique went undercover as the senators wife for a while n used her connections to the fbi to do shadier shit

she then ran away and took some random chicks form and became a model and made a ton of cash — u go girl

except this kinda sucked for her because she moved into a penthouse suite which in the neighbouring building had skulls plotting to take down mankind. they framed her for a murder, her powers stopped working, n she was arrested

the government eased all her alternate identities and froze all her assets and access to the money she and destiny saved up for decades. cue another mental breakdown

then she finds out destiny was responsible for founding the anti-mutant conspiracy mystique spent her whole life trying to stop, and that destiny also didnt give medical attention to mutant kids who were deformed from their mutations

long story short she has an even worse breakdown n goes completely nihilistic, realizing she cant change the world for the better, she remakes the brotherhood and impersonates moira mctaggert to get her research on the legacy virus  

a bunch more shit happens with raven ending up in the care of homeland security. xavier makes a deal with her and breaks her out. everyont thought she tried to kill xavier,,, when she didnt actually,,, because xaviers a shady fuck,,, but oh well. rogue disowns her for it. leads to another mental breakdown.

because of this she decides fuq u xavier and creates a mutant kid identity for herself known as foxx and joins the xmen to stop rogue and remy’s relationship

she helped the x-men during this time n also helped save rogue’s life via the messiah baby. but once again her intentions are misconstrued

she snaps again and impersonates bobby drake’s girlfriend & gets the poor boy hospitalized

norman osborn then recruited her to the dark x-men, injected her with nanites, then helped logans soul to hell, but then changed her mind and helped get him back. when he got back tho he uh. well. killed her. her and sabretooth were both resurrected by the hand (more on this later)

mystique then rejoined the brotherhood, impersonated alison, and took her place as mutant liaison for shield, harvesting her DNA to make MGH (mutant growth hormone)

LEVEL 2.5: MYSTIQUE’S PLACE IN THIS VERSE

i imagine she went back in time to 1973 under the guise of helping people & being “reformed” but in reality she was also doing shady mystique shit on the side and probably trying to tie up some loose ends, whether it be with graydon, the shadow king, destiny, or someone else. or probably a combination

anyways now shes staying w/ the x-men part time and playing Good Girl for now. she wants to show everyone that shes reformed n better n just wants to do things for the betterment of mutant kind. wants 2 get their trust too

shes pretty. level headed right now i’d say. betsy braddock helped her during one of her mental breakdowns by telepathically realigning her fragmented psyche — she’s still mystique n still awful but not as chaotic anymore. and less prone to attack rogue or other people aimlessly. it’s much more goal oriented now.

LEVEL 3: MYSTIQUES PSYCHE //

ok so she identifies as gender fluid bcus she shape shifts forms but also because i imagine shes so sick of having sexualized herself all these decades to get what she wants that shes just fed up with gender norms and thinks theyre bullshit. she’s fine to go by she/her pronouns but she doesnt really identify as a specific gender in my head

she drinks but mostly absinthe and only w/ people she trusts. along those lines it’s similar for drugs but she loves a good high and a good hallucination

she has bouts of psychosis that her wiki defines as schizophrenia. it manifests in much more anger and aggression. hallucinations. delusions — especially presecutory and grandiose delusions — lack of pleasure (hence the nihilism), social withdrawal, and poverty of speech. her sense of identity becomes so fractured that she cant keep herself consistently in one body without it taking all of her concentration — and sometimes that isn’t even enough. she gets lots of mood and cognitive changes during these episodes — and completely loses her sense of self

despite her grandiose ego she’s actually very self conscious and refuses to look in a mirror. actually she’s scared of her appearance. she cant look at herself normally in fear of seeing a monster look back

this is also the reason she was so easily deceived by azael. he looked like a monster, too, and embraced her for how she is. he didnt make her change to fit another appearance that couldve been “more beautiful”

lastly, her motives for doing things??? are always for the betterment of mutantkind. over time this got very skewed and her belief became that the only way for mutants to actually live is for all humans to die. shes a terrorist through and through, but she loves mutants. she just has a personal vendetta against the x-men that’s grown over the years — her constantly being betrayed by people during her episodes of psychosis and the x-men never actually believing the real story (but also like. why would they??? shes often so awful too)

shes attempted suicide canonically in the past. she loses control of herself. it’s also heavily implied she’s been assaulted in the past. anyways shes a sad baby too

— so thats about it for my murder baby! yike this got a lot longer than i expected it to but anyways i cant wait to write her with all of you!! <3

#「 classified. 」 #﹠⋅ 。✗ ꜰɪʟᴇ. ⋮「 ── who am i? that is not a question easily answered. 」 #73:intro

[coalessscence]

one of my favorite worst things to Think About are the ways herb’s casually neglectful childhood sometimes just....surfaces in the every day world of his life now. and since his whole shtick is my childhood was perfect my father is basically god and i have absolutely no parent issues idk what ur talking abt, he winds up having to flail, having to learn on the way down, and try to keep up a cover that he knew all along. which, usually, doesn’t work, and just makes it all the more sad. here’s a few examples i’ve thought of because i don’t love myself:

someone around the station gets stuck with something metal and comments they might need a tetanus shot. herb was definitely never taken to the doctor’s for a checkup and regular vaccinations as a child, and since he works daytime hours lucille takes the kids while he’s at work, so he literally has never had a shot and he doesn’t fully understand what vaccines are, aside from cultural osmosis, so he asks in telling confusion, “what’s that supposed to mean?” @piper-aileen-lenox specifically, thnx for making me think of this and ruining my life xx

when herb and lucille moved in together (i imagine they were engaged but maybe not married just yet) lucille made it clear to her rather sexist fiance that she was expecting him to tow the line around the house just as much as her, which he agreed to, except when she asked him to do the grocery shopping thinking that was a harmless thing he could do (not like she’d trust him to actually get the dishes clean or fold her clothes so they don’t wrinkle). they almost never had food consistently in the house growing up and if they did eat full meals, they only had the food for THAT MEAL around because 1. herb sr. and ruby (herb’s parents) lived an erratic lifestyle of little to no money or a whole lot of money but only for a second because it was burning a hole in herb sr.’s pocket, and because 2. ruby quickly learned spending money on food ahead was pointless because either herb sr. hecked off somewhere w/o warning and it went bad, or his deadbeat friends hung around and ate it all, so she only bought for that day if they had the money for anything. but since no one was ever around to TEACH herb anything and he figured most things out on his own, herb doesn’t understand all this and he literally thinks you’re not supposed to by food until you run out or that you have to throw out whatever you have left at the end of the week because....... who knows ???? that’s just what he thought. it caused multiple arguments early into herb and lucille’s relationship before she figured it out and explained it to him because he didn’t know well enough to ask.

when herb and lucille’s first child, bunny, was born, he had to be shown how to hold a baby by the doctor. he had literally never held or even interacted with a baby before until that moment. he had no siblings (that he knew of), he had no friends as a child because if he wasn’t the bully he was the target and he was an ass just like dear old dad so no one liked him anyway, and he had 0 other family. lucille realized in that moment as she watched his palpable confusion when she extended their newborn child to him that he was going to have a lot of learning and growing to do. she hoped he was ready for it.

god that time there was a station fam barbecue early into herb’s wkrp career and someone, maybe mr. carlson, is like ‘WHO WANTS TO BE THE GRILL MASTER’ like its a big deal and everyone is like oh it has to be herb bc he’s the newest out of us and hes aware all the men see it as a status symbol and he CAN’T be less of a man than another man bc Ego (tm) so hes like of course im the grill master !!! and then panics for the next thirty minutes because he’s literally never even stood next to a grill let alone used one HOW DOES IT WORK the first fifteen minutes he doesnt even have the gas on rip

when herb was, like, 15, he taught himself how to drive a car because one of his “friends” (peers who was a bully that he called a friend and hung out with to stop also getting bullied but who was still bullying him anyway, herb was just brainwashed into thinking that’s what friendship is) wanted them to go out cruising and herb wanted to be a Cool Guy and not look like a chump so he lied and said he could drive. they got pulled over, because of course they did, and herb got in big trouble for you know, driving w/o a licences. the kicker though is that herb didn’t fucking know you can’t drive without a license or that licenses and road tests and drivers ed were even a THING because he literally raised himself and no one ever  t a u g h t   h i m   a n y t h i n g. anyways his dad got called home to deal with it from wherever he was away at at the time and he got in big trouble for interrupting dear old dad’s work anyways so :) what a healthy family

surprisingly, herb DID know how to cook the basics. grilled cheese, pasta, stir fries, a couple casseroles. lucille asked him about it because he was always such a Gender Roles (tm) type of man who wouldn’t even wear a brighter shade of red than like. maroon. in case it got loosely contaminated with the concept of the color pink and he’d have to change his name and move to alaska. so why was he doing a “ womans job “ (cooking) and herb just looked confused and said “what, guys don’t cook?” she told him that no, they usually didn’t and would have laughed at her if she tried to make them, and he laughed awkwardly and absently stirred the pot on the stove and shrugged in mild confusion. “that’s weird. if i didn’t cook i’d have... starved, i guess.”

the bad news is his cooking wasnt GREAT and lucille was happy to take over because again.........self taught. and he has one (1) brain cell so. not Great

LITERALLY DIDN’T KNOW ALL CLOTHES DON’T HAVE TO BE DRY CLEANED. his dad literally wore clothes that had to be dry cleaned Every Day (and we wonder why the tarlek family was short on the food budget god) (and they were ugly clothes too akdhfjfg) and ofc if ruby washed her clothes, it was while herb was at school. he dry cleaned so many clothes that do Not Make Sense to dry clean in college before he slowly figured that out.

did not know what an allowance was. bunny asked him for one and not willing to seem stupid to his swift daughter he told her to ‘ask her mother’, who thought it was hecking weird that her money obsessed husband would say that, so she asked him why and after several long minutes he just shrugged helplessly and said “what’s an allowance?”

don’t even get me started on herb and lucille planning their wedding ( ‘what kind of stuff should we put on the gift register?’ “put on the WHAT?”  ‘what are we going to put on top of the cake?’ “there’s gonna be CAKE?”  ‘i can’t wait for daddy to walk down the isle with me, it’ll mean a lot to him’ “your DAD is gonna walk you down the isle....?? but you’re marrying ME, right?”   ) also herb not knowing the wedding look of the bride is supposed to be a Secret and barging into the room w a question or smth while lucille and her bridesmaids are getting ready, and everyone is hella miffed and he’s like WHAT i’ve seen her naked before and theyre all like THATS NOT THE POINT HERB

herb did Not Know about seasonal allergies. he just........didn’t know. he just thought god hated him and every spring and fall his head sprung a leak. and the whole time he was growing up no one A. listened to him complain about them and put 2 and 2 together, nor B. just taught him about basic first aid stuff in general for that matter he doesnt know shit. anyways, then lucille was like why are you such a tough guy just stop complaining and take some medicine for your stupid allergies and he was like take some what for my what now

ANYWAYS herb’s mom left while he was v young and he doesn’t remember much about her. herb’s dad was literally   n e v e r   home. the people herb’s dad left him with would work for obscenely low amounts of pay or owed herb sr. money and largely used all the money for their own food, drugs, alcohol, or other more unsightly business, and left herb alone to fend for himself. this is the disaster human that that produced, thanks, family dynamics! don’t abandon your children, kids, thanks for coming to my ted talk

#✘ hi gorgeous | MUSE (herb) #✘ h.t. is in for the duration | HEADCANONS (herb) #✘ sales manager not so extraordinaire | ABOUT (herb) #⌲ o o c