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wkemeup · 3 years

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Sunrise (8)

summary: After an explosion takes his arm and his only sense of belonging, Bucky is content to live out the rest of his days in the hollow comfort of the dark. This is, until Sam drags him down to the local VA and he meets you. (Modern AU) pairings: bucky x reader chapter word count: 5.3k warnings: sweet happy beautiful bucky, a unpleasant reminder of the past, whiplash of emotion, the angst I warned you about 🧡 series masterlist / series playlist

Bucky wasn’t quite sure how to hold onto this feeling without suffocating it.

It had been nearly a year since he’d felt even an ounce of the relief like what washed through his body when you walked through the door. All it took was a single smile from across the room, the soft brush of your hair over your fingers as you nervously tucked it behind your ear, and he was gone.

Enough for his cheeks to ache from smiling. Enough for his stomach to twist and knot from laughter. Enough for the wrinkles by his eyes to draw long and pronounced— the physical embodiment of joy upon his face.

He wasn’t walking on eggshells, waiting for the carpet to be dragged out from under his feet, for the paralyzing darkness of an empty void to consume him whole. The shadows weren’t lingering in his wake, itching to clench their claws into his spine and drag him away from the one thing that finally drew light back into his life.

For the first time since he stepped back on American soil, Bucky Barnes was happy. Truly and honest to God, happy.

“So! What do you think?” your voice called to him, breaking the trance he’d been in.

“Hmm?” Bucky blinked a few times to adjust to his surroundings. You were laughing at him, a hand over your lips in an effort to muffle the sound. Behind you, a woman directed a pointed stare in your direction despite the busy chatter inside Luciana’s.

“The book, Bucky,” you grinned, tapping on the edge of the binding.

He glanced down. The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue sat propped in his right hand, the clip you’d given him the first day of book club nestled in at the center to keep the pages open. Truthfully, he hadn’t read a single word of it since he sat down with you an hour ago. His attention had been better kept watching how you tugged your lower lip between your teeth in concentration, how your eyes widened at a particularly suspenseful part of your chapter, how you clicked your nails against the coffee mug in perfect rhythm with the café music.

“It’s good,” he said, though you pouted at him.

“Bucky you’ve been on the same page for twenty minutes!”

Busted. He shrugged, a laugh in his breath.

“Guess there were better things to look at.”

Your lips parted for a second, caught off guard, before you settled back into your seat. Your hands wrung out in front of you, eyes darting down the floor. It wasn’t easy to make you flustered, but damn if it was Bucky’s favorite feeling in the world.

“Don’t insult my books like that, Barnes,” you teased, lingering smile upon your face.

“Wouldn’t call it an insult,” he said simply. “There’s not much that can hold a candle when you’re around.”

The stun didn’t leave your face for a few seconds. You stared at him, then glanced around the room nervously as if he’d said something incredibly intimate. He couldn’t remember the last time this came so easy to him – the flirting, the charm. It was something he’d thrived on before the war and now, it seemed you brought that side out of him again.

“You’re a charmer today,” you observed, laughing through the nervous energy. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing.” Bucky shrugged, reaching across the table to break off a piece of your pastry and plopped it into his mouth. “I’m happy. Can I be happy?”

You nodded quickly, almost a little too enthusiastically, with a smile so wide on your face he wondered if it were possible for it to touch your ears.

“Yeah. Yeah, you can be happy.” The words left your lips almost breathlessly. You were looking at him like he was the goddamn sun and damn if that didn’t tug straight at his heart. “I like you happy.”

“I like me happy, too,” Bucky chuckled. He glanced up at the clock. “Come on, we should head over to the VA.”

You downed the rest of your coffee in a single chug and set the cup on the counter. Luciana waved at you as you moved towards the exit, Bucky in tow, and she winked at him as he passed by. He nodded, offering her a tight-lipped smile as he stepped out into the cool Autumn air. Your hand naturally slipped into his and you tugged him along the sidewalk.

“Promise me you’ll actually pay attention to Steve’s spiel instead of staring at me the whole time,” you teased him as you walked over the crosswalk, nudging his side.

Steve was giving a presentation at the VA for the open house; explaining the benefits, the groups, different opportunities, and the respite rooms. It was a big deal apparently and helped to bring a lot of former soldiers into the fold. It was one of your favorite days because there was usually an increase of members at book club for a few weeks after.

“No guarantees,” Bucky replied, face as even as he could manage it. That was, until you swatted his chest and he burst into laughter, drawing the attention of a group of teenagers who eyed him as they walked by. Their lingering stare meant nothing to him when he stood at your side.

When you reached the VA, you pushed open the door, considering his hand was otherwise occupied, and led him inside. There were dozens of people in the lobby, certainly more than he’d ever seen inside. Men and women were mingling around the tables, some sitting on the couches, with paper plates of cheese and crackers from the grocery store.

Tony stumbled by carrying about four boxes filled with cookies, barely keeping his balance.

“I could use a little help, kid!” he called, eyeing you as he frantically made his way to the kitchen.

“Coming, Tony!” You turned to Bucky, smile still present on your face as you ran a hand along his arm in comforting sweeps. “Will you be alright?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Go.”

Maybe if he looked close enough, he might have seen a well of pride on your face, but you didn’t give him the chance before you leaned up and pressed a kiss straight to his lips— no cares for the crowd in the room or the fact that Sam and Steve were lingering around the VA somewhere. Bucky couldn’t find it in himself to worry about the stares because, hell, maybe he wanted people to know you were the woman he had the privilege of kissing.

“Go,” Bucky said again, pulling away from you reluctantly as a clanging could be heard from the kitchen, followed by an aggravated moan which could have only belonged to Tony Stark. You pouted, stealing one last kiss before bolting down the hall and out of sight.

Bucky spent a few extra seconds staring down the end of the empty hallway before he turned back to the room. The crowd didn’t bother him as much as it might have a few months earlier. He didn’t feel the same rush of anxiety in his veins as he felt on busy streets, but it didn’t mean he was explicitly comfortable either.

So, he kept to the outskirts of the room, standing along the wall and observing quietly from the corners.

The event seemed to be going well. He’d spotted Steve mingling with a group of older guys with long white beards and biker jackets, laughing as they told him about their adventures biking cross country. Sam found his way over to the couch beside a few of the guests who had busied themselves with the food instead and even found a way to get them talking to one another. Bucky kept his hand pressed into his pocket, a semblance of a smile on his face as he watched Sam pick a chip of the plate of the woman he was talking to without reservation.

It was a good place. A respite. Just like Sam had told him it would be. Bucky found a sense of normalcy in this building he couldn’t have hoped to find out in the real world alone— a belonging – and he knew a lot of that had to do with you.

He was just about to head down to the kitchen to see if you needed any help when he heard a voice that ran like ice through his veins. What it had said was indistinguishable, but Bucky could recognize the thick grovel of the tone almost anywhere. Slowly, he glanced over his shoulder, trying to remain as small as possible, as he spotted Jack Rollins emerging from the entrance.

With slicked jet-black hair, hardened angular lines upon his face, and a permanent scowl etching down on his features, Jack Rollins was not a man Bucky ever wanted to see again. He spoke with the two men in his wake, gesturing to a woman who was standing quietly by herself, reading the flyers on the bulletin board, as if he were stalking prey.

Bucky’s heart was thunderous as he took a step back. His black slammed against the wall, catching the breath in his lungs. His fingertips brushed over the chill of the pealing wallpaper, trying to find his grounding before Rollins noticed he was there. But luck was never so kind to him.

It only took one scan of the room before Rollin’s eyes landed on Bucky. He stilled, just as surprised to see him, but then, something dark twisted upon his features.

“Sergeant Barnes!” he called over the crowd, a jeering sort of laugh in his voice.

Bucky gritted his teeth, forcing himself to meet Rollins in the eye. “Jack.”

“Been over a year, man. How you been?” Rollins was conversational only in statement. His tone was near threatening, his men following behind him like a shadow. Dark eyes trailed down along the empty sleeve on Bucky’s side, a smile rising on his face.

Bucky tried to pretend as though he didn’t notice. “Recovering. You?”

“Yeah, I bet you are.” Rollins chuckled. Then, he puffed his chest up. “I’ve been working for the private sector.”

That didn’t surprise him. Rollins always had an affinity for the darkest parts of the job overseas. He took too much pleasure in the use of his weapon, paid no mind to the destruction left behind in his wake. Rollins was exactly the sort of man the military hoped to produce; follow chain of command without question, find purpose in your mission, execute without remorse. Seemed he found more of the same when he returned home. Only this time for a bigger paycheck.

Bucky could still picture him dressed in army camouflage with the weight of near forty pounds of combat gear on his back, finger always on the trigger. It felt a bit like that now, Bucky realized, as Rollins narrowed his eyes as if he were going in for the kill.

“You know, Barnes,” Rollins shrugged, exchanging a snide grin with his friends, “I’m a little surprised you’d even show your face around here after what happened. Takes guts.”

Bucky swallowed as though there weren’t blades in his throat. He tried not to let the hitch in his breath show or how his stomach dropped about ten feet below the surface. Instead, he pressed his lips together into a thin line, holding Rollins’ stare as if he were made of stone.

“You should leave,” Bucky said, his voice low enough to break gravel.

“Me?” Rollins mocked, laughing as he turned to his friends. Then, facing Bucky again as a darkness clouded over his features. “That's rich, coming from you.”

Bucky held his breath. He tried to draw on images of you sitting across from him at Luciana’s, how you smiled at him, how you made him feel like he didn’t carry such a heavy weight upon his back. He pictured you curled up next to him in your bed, imprints of the pillow on your cheeks and the covers pulled up tight to your chin. He imagined how your hand felt in his, how it brushed along his back, how your lips felt on his cheek, on his mouth.

But those pictures started to fade the longer Rollins stared at him, that devilish smirk upon his face as he ran a hand along his jawline, cracking his knuckles against the bone. Those comforting images of you sunk into the darkness, pulled from him somewhere far beyond where he could reach and suddenly, he felt like he was standing on a pillar at the center of the ocean, nothing but violent waves surrounding him for miles. Alone.

“I mean, what the fuck are you doing here, Barnes?” Rollins jeered, picking up a cookie from the table, inspecting it for a moment before he tossed it back on the platter. It crumbled on impact. “You think you even deserve to step foot in this building after what you did?”

“It didn’t go down like you think,” Bucky shot back, his voice uneven, wavering, as if he didn’t quite believe it himself.

He tried to repeat the words that Sam had worked to instill in him again and again for months after he came home. They never seemed to stick until the last few weeks but now – now they felt as far away as ever.

I did everything I could.

Some things are outside of my control.

It wasn’t my fault.

He wasn’t sure he believed that with Jack Rollins circling around him like a vulture, amused by the distress quickly forming against Bucky’s features.

From across the room, Sam stood up from his place on the couch, a hand gesturing over to Steve as he caught sight of Rollins. Bucky retreated in his stance, feeling as though Rollins was towering over him, his chest caving in. Rollin smirked, teeth bared and ready to strike.

With venom like precision, Rollins spat, “You’re the reason half our unit is dead, asshole.”

It hit like a sucker punch to the gut, made him stumbled back a few paces as if he were clocked in the chest. The initial blow only lasted for a few seconds before the overwhelming sense of shame seeped back into his veins, slipping through his blood like muddied waters and stealing away the careful, steady progress he’d made.

Then, a lingering acceptance as it cleared him to the surface.

A numbness took over, casting back to the shadows inside his mind. It was what he’d been waiting for since the day he’d stepped foot off that plane – for someone to confirm all the destruction and self-loathing he’d felt since that day.

Rollins was right.

I could have saved them.

I could have prevented all of it.

It was my fault.

He’d been foolish to convince himself otherwise.

“Hey!” Sam barked, jutting out in front of Bucky and shoving a hand to the middle of Rollin’s chest as he attempted to draw closer. “What the fuck is your problem, man?”

“My problem? My problem is you’re letting just about anyone walk through those doors!” Rollins shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at Bucky. “Your buddy here is responsible for eight of our own coming home in caskets!”

Bucky flinched, visibly recoiling as if something had burned him, and it seemed to be the reaction Rollins was looking for because a snide grin slid up along his cheeks.

Steve was suddenly on his left, a hand pressed to his shoulder. He was whispering something in his ear, but he couldn’t quite hear him. He could hardly make out what Sam was shouting as he attempted to push Rollins towards the door. A crowd was gathering – standing in watch to observe the shame of a soldier who should have burned in the desert with his friends.

“What’s going on?”

Bucky’s heart dropped at the sound of your voice as you appeared on his right. He didn’t know how long you’d been there or what you heard, but it was the first time he ever regretted allowing himself the luxury of your presence, of your warmth and kindness. You should have been an anchor beside him, but he could feel the rope slipping from his grip, letting him sink down into the ocean or float high into the clouds – somewhere far away from where you were.

You ran your hand along his arm, trying to thread an ounce of comfort back into his body, but he was rigid as stone. The touch was paralyzing. It was a reminder of his emptiness, of his ill attempt to be worthy of your affection. You seemed to notice as you stared up at him, worry filling your eyes.

“Ah, so you’ve got a girl now, too?” Rollins sneered towards Bucky, shoving Sam aside.

“Leave her out of this,” Bucky warned, his voice returning to him only in your defense. He stepped out in front of you, shielding you from Rollins’ gaze.

It only seemed to amuse him more. “Tell me, sweetheart. What’s it like? I mean, can he even get the job done? You wanna try being with a real man again?”

It was Sam that roared in response. “Watch your fucking mouth!”

Your hand rested on Bucky’s shoulder blades as if you were trying to ease him but he felt like he was on fire. Rollins shoved Sam aside to get a better look at you, a predator going in for the kill.

Rollins’ cold eyes stared directly into yours and Bucky felt his breathing stop.

“Did you know half of our unit died under his watch?”

Everything became white noise after that. Bucky didn’t dare turn to look at your reaction, nor could he hear Sam’s defense or Steve’s angry shouts as Rollins continued his taunts. He didn’t know how it happened, but suddenly, Rollins was on the floor. Sam was shaking his hand out, holding his fist against his chest.

Rollins stumbled his way back to his feet with a vengeance, folding his hands into fists as he charged at Sam.

“Get him out of here!” Steve’s muffled voice called to you as the crowd began to swarm in. Former soldiers joining the chaos, cheering or barreling fists. A man bumped into Bucky’s shoulder, but there was no trace of a reaction on his face. He was empty. He was numb.

Bucky could vaguely feel your hand as you slipped it into his pocket, drawing his own to intertwine between your fingers and you tugged him down the hall. He knew better than to look over his shoulder at the mess he was leaving behind.

***

You took Bucky into the empty library, quickly closing the door behind you to muffle the sound of the shouting down the hall. Bucky stood at the head of the couch, his eyes downcast.

“Are you alright?” You knew there was no good answer. It was a foolish question. And still -- you asked.

Your hands slid along Bucky’s chest, up to his shoulders to try and draw some of the tension away, and for the first time, he recoiled under your touch. Your hands quickly dropped down to your sides as you took a few steps back, hands held tightly in front of you. A flash of remorse covered his features as he looked at you, but then the stone swept back in its place and hardened the softened edges you adored. You pushed aside the splinter inside your chest.

“Who was that guy anyway? He seems like a real piece of work.” You laughed, though it was tense and forced. Bucky didn’t so much as crack a smile.

It was silent for a moment. The only sound coming from the low hum of the radiator in the corner of the room. Bucky’s gaze was fixated on the carpet, staring at the years’ faded stains and the dust bunnies at the foot of the couch. A terrible aching tugging down on his lips, on his eyes, on his cheeks, and he barely resembled the man who had teased you over coffee at Luciana’s just an hour earlier.

“He was right, though.”

You swallowed, daring to ask, “what do you mean?”

“I'm the reason half my unit is dead,” Bucky replied flatly. When he looked at you again, you found his eyes were red, his lips swollen from chewing on the edges. His right hand had indents in his palm from where he’d dug his nails into the skin. Your stomach lurched.

“Oh, Bucky.” Your heart broke at the sight of him. “That... That can’t be true.”

He didn’t say anything, but the grit in his teeth was enough to tell you that he believed it. You’d only seen glimpses of how the war had touched him, how it cast shadows over the man he’d been before he stepped on that plane and adorned the uniform, but now – now, it felt like those shadows had consumed him whole. He couldn’t so much as see the soft rise of the sun over his shoulder. He was too swept up in the embrace of darkness. The light couldn’t touch him where he stood shielded by night.

“Why don’t we go to my place?” you offered, inching a step closer. When he didn’t retreat, you gathered his hand into your own. While he didn’t pull away again, you could feel the reluctance in his grip, the rigidity in his stance. “I can make dinner and we'll throw on a movie, okay? Let’s just get out of here.”

Your right hand slid along the side of his face, cupping at his cheek. He usually leaned into the touch, pressed a kiss to the inside of your palm. Instead, the most he could force out was a tight-lipped smile that did not touch his eyes. You could practically feel how hard he was clenching his jaw, the muscle tired and aching. Still, he nodded.

As you led him out the back exit of the VA, you glanced behind you to see Rollins sitting on the floor, nursing a bloody nose as a police officer stood over him, jotting down notes as he spoke with Steve. Sam caught your eye for a second, nodding in your direction. A relief washed through you and you tugged Bucky outside before anyone could notice him slip out.

It was silent the whole walk to your apartment. It wasn’t entirely unusual, but it was the first time the air carried a lingering sense of discomfort in it. You wondered what was going on in Bucky’s head, how badly he’d construed whatever Rollins had said to him, even before you arrived. Sam had told you of Bucky’s self-destructive habit of carrying guilt far heavier than he could carry, guilt that didn’t belong to him. He seemed to welcome it like it was made for him. He didn’t mind if it ripped him apart and left him broken and empty when it was done. He seemed to think it was what he deserved.

You squeezed his hand, hoping it might draw back a sense of comfort, but he kept his eyes forward on the empty streets ahead. His hand was little more than limp in your hold.

***

Bucky was just on the edge of sleep when it began to creep up on him. Slow at first, and then, sudden, in violent flashes.

Sweltering heat. The low rumble of a jeep. An infectious laugh on his left and the cold compress of a gun in his hands. A sudden stop.

Bucky gritted his teeth, trying to turn away from the images attempting to draw him under, to sweep him beyond the current, to drown him in the darkest parts of the depth. But the riptide caught hold of his leg and forced him underwater.

Heavy equipment on his back. Sand under his feet. The sun blinding in his eyes.

He swallowed, but his throat was lined in rust. It burned. He couldn’t breathe.

A reflection over a valley. Someone shouting. Screaming. Warning. Frantic.

The kid. Get to the kid!

Then – the heat of a fire scorching his skin. Ringing in his ears. Muffled. Agonizing silence. Blood on the sand, on his shoes, dripping down his side and soaking into his uniform.

Pain. So much pain. So much pain. So much—

Bucky’s eyes shot open. He sucked in a breath of air and it came in short and shallow, barely filling his lungs, and he was panting for more. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, gasping for breath until he took enough in that the dizziness started to subside. His forehead was lined in sweat, his right hand shaking uncontrollably as he gripped at the sheets.

It was as mild as it’s ever been – the nightmares. Usually, he woke up screaming, his voice so raw it ached until morning. He thrashed and kicked and drew blood until something finally jarred him awake. He’d broken the lamp beside his bed four times in the weeks after he came home. It was violent and messy, and it was a damn miracle he’d only felt a sliver of it tonight.

But it had been so long since he had one. He almost thought they had finally released him from their hold before Rollins showed up. For a while, they let him be happy. He should have known better than to expect it to last.

The mattress dipped slightly behind him and with a sharp hilt, Bucky suddenly remembered where he was.

He turned over his shoulder to find you laying on the bed beside him, hair cast up and around you against the pillow, eyes closed, the steady rhythm of your breaths indicating you were still fast asleep. He stilled for a moment, watching the gentle rise and fall of your chest, the light scrunch in your nose.

You’d tried so hard to get him to smile the whole evening after what happened at the VA. Constant touches to his cheeks, along his arm, playing absentmindedly with his hand. You made him dinner and curled up against him as you put on a movie that you were certain would turn his mood around, but he remained stoic and cold until you finally resigned to the bedroom.

He could tell how exhausted you were. Even reaching for his hand, there was a helplessness in your grasp, but you’d begged him to stay, insisting you didn’t want him to be alone after what happened at the VA. You held him tight to your chest, told him over and over again that you didn’t care what Rollins said, you knew he was a good man and that was all that mattered.

Bucky wanted so badly to believe that.

But here you were – so beautiful, a light, something good in his life he didn’t deserve.

Sam would kill him for giving into those thoughts again, but all he had in his head was violence and agony and there you were – so peaceful and soft and kind. He'd taint you with all the mess threatening to break through his seams. He’d hurt you. He'd break you. You couldn’t hold him together no matter how hard you tried. He didn’t deserve such kindness. Today reminded him of that.

Bucky leaned in and pressed a short kiss to your temple. It was feather light and still, you sighed in your sleep. He tried not to notice when the corners of your lips curved up into a smile.

Then, he crept out of the room, stealing one last look at you as you turned onto your side, arms crossed over your chest protectively. Something tugged inside his chest, begging him to stay. He could feel it pushing him back toward the bed, to your embrace and the comfort it brought, but he turned his back. He ignored his every instinct to return to your side and dragged his feet of the bedroom instead.

Despite his reluctance, he found himself lingering on the photograph in your hallway of the Air Force pilot; sandy blonde hair, a tight-lipped smile, features that made him look younger than he probably was. A pang of jealousy wretched into his stomach at the sight of this nameless man. Shame quickly followed.

You never spoke of the man in the photo – the nameless Air Force pilot who stood at your side in front of your parents. The way you pressed out a smile despite your tears, the position of your stance angled closer to the pilot as if to preserve your last remaining moments together, made Bucky question what had happened to this man. This was clearly a man you had loved. Might still love.

Bucky didn’t dare allow himself to wonder if he had ever measured up. He supposed now he would not get the chance.

Bucky let out a sigh as he turned away from the picture. He made it all the way to the door before he heard the squeak of the floor boards behind him.

“Bucky?”

Sleep was still etched in your voice. You yawned as you folded your arms, squinting at him to adjust to the dim light in the kitchen. Bucky clenched his jaw, reluctantly turning to face you.

“It’s the middle of the night,” you said, eyes flickering to the clock above the stove. It was then you must have noticed the jacket draped over his shoulders, boots on his feet, hand begrudgingly releasing the door knob. Your face fell. “Where are you going?”

He didn’t know what to say. Was there an easy way to break your heart? Was there any excuse that could allow both of you to walk away from this unharmed? There was no good answer, but his silence certainly was worse.

“Bucky?” you tried again and he could hear the inflection of concern etched into your tone. You took a step closer to him and he held himself firm. He was stone now. It was what he had to be.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered out, voice low, though he met your eye. “I can’t do this.”

If you were still half asleep a moment ago, you weren’t anymore. Your eyes widened, lips parting. Your arms fell down to your sides.

“What... What are you talking about?” you exhaled, barely above a whisper. He could hear the hurt in your voice, the confusion, and he hated himself for it. You stepped closer, reaching out for his hand. “Please, just come back to bed. You look like you haven't slept for—”

Bucky pulled his hand away the moment you touched his fingers. It forced a hitch in your breath, a step back. You hadn’t expected him to recoil from you like that. Two times in the same day. You were losing him, the realization clear in your eyes. He was slipping and he would not take the tether as you threw it to him.

“This is about what that man said at the VA, isn’t it?” you asked timidly, your lip quivering. You shook your head, trying to hold back tears though Bucky could practically hear the tension from the lump in your throat. “He was... he was just being cruel. I don’t believe a word of it. And neither does Sam or Steve – the people that love you, Bucky. Don’t give in into him. Don’t let him win.”

Bucky didn’t say anything, rendering his reaction colder than you deserved.

You reached out for him again, a habit, though you pulled your hand back to your chest before you could touch him. It was shaking.

“Honey, please,” you tried again, unwilling to give up on him like you should. “Come get some rest and maybe you’ll feel better in the morning. Just... don’t go. Don’t be alone with this.”

You were begging. He could hear it in your voice. The desperation. And still—Bucky offered you nothing in return.

He sank so far inside himself you couldn’t reach beyond the cliffside to offer your hand. All it took was a single push. He was already standing so close to the edge. Rollins had set a hand on his back, like an old friend, like an enemy, and shoved. Bucky didn’t even try to catch his fall.

“Whatever this is...” Bucky murmured and eyes focused down at the tile, unable to look at you as he broke your heart, “it’s over.”

His heart was splintering as he said it and still, he turned and left without another word. He didn’t wait for your response, didn’t wait to see whether his cruelty had ended in tears, and closed the door behind him. You didn’t attempt to follow.

You’d understand eventually, he convinced himself. Even a woman as compassionate and loving as you couldn't possibly love a man so broken, with jagged edges and open wounds, with shards of glass embedded inside him and poison in his touch. Empty and hollow. Broken.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 4 years

Text

A Tear in the Fabric

Warnings: noncon sexual acts, fingering, oral, binding.

This is dark!Steve Rogers and dark!Clark Kent and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Universes collided as a malfunction brings an unexpected visitor.

Note: This is my first DC/Superman fic and a rare crossover fic. I really hope y’all like it but tbh it’s filth.

Hope you enjoy it. Thank you. Love you guys!

Please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

Your office shook. Rather, quaked. The glass vase in the corner broke on the table and a flash rippled through the air. You clung to your desk to keep from falling out of your chair. You waited a moment as an eerie lull followed. Then voices and rushed footsteps followed.

You got up and followed the several other bodies towards the labs. You were of the dozen or so people permitted beyond the doors and you slipped past the rest of the confused employees of Stark Tower. Natasha met you at the door and you both peered inside, the door at your feet.

Peter was in a heap, another body beside his. He groaned as he rolled over beside the other man and screamed as he faced him. He scrambled away and pushed himself against the wall. Nat grabbed your arm and you looked at each other. The man on the floor was unfamiliar and peculiarly dressed. He fell flat on his back and his eyes opened.

“Parker, what did you do?” Tony pushed between you and Nat as he strode in. His hair was askew as he straightened his tie.

The dark-haired stranger sat up and was on his feet so quick, Tony and Peter flinched. Nat stepped inside, ready to fight, and you lingered by the door. He was tall, broad, and he wore dark blue gear with a red cape slung from his shoulders. His blue eyes flashed as he spun in bewilderment. His hands were fist, as ready as Nat for conflict.

“I was just-- I--”

“Who are you people?” The man asked. “Where am I?”

“Calm down, Schwarzenegger,” Tony raised his hands. “We’re all friends here… and we’re wondering the same about you.”

“I’m…” The man’s eyes bounced from person to person. “...Superman?”

“Are you asking me?” Tony scoffed and brushed past him. “Kid, what did you?”

“I was just… looking at the particles--”

“Looking?! And maybe some touching?” Tony shouted. “I told you they’re not toys.”

“I know. I was just-- I figured something out and--”

“Broke every window on the floor!” Tony interjected. “And zapped in Adonis 3000 over here for good measure.”

“Um,” The dark-haired man looked around. “Can someone please tell me where I am?”

“New York. Stark Tower.” Tony hissed over his shoulder as he stormed towards Peter.

You glanced over as you heard footsteps echo behind you. Steve, Bucky, and Sam were nearly tripping over each other and skidded to a halt in the doorway.

“What’s going on?” Steve asked.

“We’re still trying to figure that out,” You kept your voice down. “Peter--”

“Peter, of course,” Bucky huffed as he crossed his arms.

“Who’s the muscle man?” Sam nodded to the stranger as he stared with consternation at one of Tony’s contraptions.

“Good question,” You passed through the door and Steve caught your arm.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“Well, since Tony can only manage to yell at the kid, I’m going to get to the bottom of this.”

“He could be dangerous,” Steve said quietly.

“And I’ve got the most dangerous heroes all around me.” You brushed his hand from your arm. “I think if he meant to do something, he’d already have.”

The man seemed even bigger the closer you got. As you neared, you recalled you were the only one in the room without combat training, a special suit, or enhanced abilities. You were just the one who did the paperwork to clean up after all the rest. You cleared your throat.

“Um, hello,” You tried to smile and the man turned to you, blue eyes blazing. “That’s a, uh, nice cape. Were you by chance at a costume party or--”

“I’m Superman.” He repeated, this time firmer. He looked at you as if you were dumb.

“Yes, okay, well you are at Stark Tower… in New York? Where are you from?”

“Metropolis,” He spoke again with the same obvious tone. “Stark Tower? Never heard of it.”

“Tony Stark?” You blinked. “He runs Stark Industries.”

“Ah, like Wayne Industries,” He said. “Maybe he knows Bruce.”

“Wayne Industries?” You wondered. “What’s--”

“In Gotham City. Bruce Wayne; the world’s most infamous playboy?” He said with venom.

“Actually that’s my title,” Tony turned as he finally quit berating Peter. “Never heard of this Wayne guy.”

The man scowled and turned to Tony. “Well, you sound like him.’

“I hate to break it to you, beefcake, but you’re a long way from home.” Tony crossed his arms. “Without precise data, I’d surmise a few thousand dimensions away.”

“Dimensions? That’s--”

“Look, I could go into the science of it but I think that might be a bit over your head. To put it simply, we have these magical little particles that can affect the fabric of space and time. Maybe throw us back a few years here or there but it seems my… protege here decided to go sideways instead of backwards or forwards.” Tony explained. “What I’m trying to say is that whoever you are, Capeman or whatever, well, this isn’t the world you’re used to saving.”

“But you ended up in the right place,” Nat intoned. “Seems we have the same interests in mind.”

“Keeping people safe,” Steve added. “Right?”

“Of course,” The caped stranger spun around. “Forgive me if this isn’t a bit… unbelievable.”

“Buddy, I wish I could say it was just a dream,” Tony sighed. “Or a nightmare. However you wanna see it. The good news is, if I can get the kid to do exactly what he just did, we might be able to send you back.”

“Well, um, Mr. Stark…” Peter piped up from behind him. “I kinda… well, the stabilizer isn’t… working anymore.”

“Someone get the kid out of here,” Tony pinched his nose. “Please. I can’t look at him. I’m going to close my eyes and count to ten and he better be gone.”

“What does that mean?” The strange man asked. “Stabilizer?”

“It means,�� Tony ignored Peter as he was ushered out by Natasha. “That you’re stuck here for a while… hopefully not forever.”

“Stuck?”

“Don’t worry. We’re not gonna toss you out on the street to terrorize the public.” Tony assured. “We’re just going to--”

The man raised his index finger and touched his temple as he hushed everyone. His forehead wrinkled as he listened and his hand formed a fist. He was suddenly gone as he darted out in a blur of blue and red; a speeding, flying blur.

You looked around as Tony stood with his mouth open and the three men around the door grimaced. Steve frowned and turned to rush out after him. You followed but barely reached the end of the hall, where others watched from the other side of the clear walls. The lot of you were stopped by the reappearance of the man in a furious gust.

“What the hell was that about?” Stark snorted as he caught up.

“Robbery. Ten blocks down. Suspect subdued, waiting for police.” The man confirmed with an arched brow.

“Tony,” Sam turned to look at his boss.

Tony nodded begrudgingly.

“So, Superman, is it?”

“Yes.”

“Do you mind cooling it while we try to figure out how to get you back home?”

“Cooling it?”

“Don’t worry, I won’t stop you from saving this world,” Tony chuckled. “Just… try to loosen up.”

“Mmm,” The man grumbled. “I’ll try.”

Tony winked at you and beckoned to the three other men. You knew that look; ‘take care of it’. Bucky and Sam crossed to Tony and Steve squinted at you before reluctantly following. You turned back to the stranger who called himself Superman and held out your hand and introduced yourself.

“Guess it doesn’t matter so much if you know my name,” He took your hand in his large one. “Clark. Clark Kent. Reporter.”

“Oh,” You smiled. “I always wondered what it’d be like to be a reporter.”

“Boring, most days,” He shrugged. “What do I do now?”

“Well, it’s kinda my job to get you situated.” You turned halfway between him and the other men. “Tony is the one you were talking to, the blond is Steve, the one in the middle is Bucky, and then you have Sam. Natasha was the one who took the kid, Peter out. And there’s a few more back at the compound.”

“Compound?” He wondered.

“Most of the Avengers live there. For response purposes, in case of emergency, they need to be able to mobilise,” You explained.

“You’re not an… Avenger?” He asked.

“I’m… a glorified babysitter and some would call me little more than a secretary,” You shook your head. “But no, not one of them.”

“Hmm,” He lowered his chin and thought. You peeked over at the others and Steve’s gaze met yours before it strayed to the large man across from you. “Well, where do we begin?”

“I’ll have to figure that out,” You replied. “Just this way.”

💥

One week. One week and it was a shit show. Tony still couldn’t figure out what was wrong with the stabilizer, even with Banner’s help, and Peter was in virtual exile. You were left to watch over your visitor and the rest of the lot. For the most part, they were friendly but wary. All except one who seemed entirely suspicious of the man in the red cape.

The very one sat across from you. Steve stared at the tablet as you went through his last mission report and the numbers attached to the collateral. You hated it but Tony demanded it and you knew it wasn’t for his own needs. He had government agencies and the military breathing down his neck every day.

You leaned on your elbow as you went through your usual schtick, scribbling down Steve’s explanation and aligning them with the events noted in the report. You were roused by the knock that killed the drone of Steve’s voice. Your door opened and you smiled at Clark as he peered through shyly.

“Sorry, to interrupt. I guess I’m early. I’ll just wait out here.”

“It’s fine. We’re almost done,” You replied. “It’ll be about five minutes.”

“Thanks,” He backed up and shut the door.

You looked at Steve as he crossed his arms and frowned.

“Why’s he here?”

“Tony’s thinking about giving him missions. He’s going to be given access to training rooms and I told him I’d show him around the Tower.” You explained. “Anyways, the factory--”

“Oh? You and him… you his chaperone now?”

“As much as I am yours,” You half-sang. “Steve, let’s just get this done with.”

“We don’t know him. We don’t know if he is who he says he is.”

“I think we would know by now.” You countered.

“Wherever he’s from, how do we know he’s a good guy there?”

“How does he know we’re the good guys?” You returned. “Steve, come on. He’s… nice.”

“To you,” Steve said pointedly.

“And you?” You wondered.

Steve shrugged. He tapped his fingers on his leg and huffed.

“A car was diverted through the factory wall so that I could keep a civilian from getting hit instead. I did my best to aim it away from the building but was able to prevent casualties.” Steve recited. “Human life is worth more than concrete.”

“Mmhmm,” You stared at him a moment before you wrote down his explanation. “Alright, then, I guess we’re done.”

“I can show him around,” Steve stood. “If you want. You must be busy.”

“I need to register him in the system--”

“So do it. I’ll give him the tour.” Steve insisted. “I’ll give him a chance.”

“You sure?” You asked.

“Eh, we could use a fourth on poker night,” Steve said. “And you can catch up on work.”

“Deal.” You closed the folder and slid the tablet aside. “You’ll see, Steve. He’s a good guy.”

Steve pressed his lips together and nodded. “I’m sure.” He neared the door and grabbed the handle. “If you say so.”

💥

You strode through the halls of the Tower on your way to drop off your weekly rundown to Tony. Your eye was caught as you passed by the transparent wall of the Tower gym. At the compound, there were several but a few people used that at the Tower when they had business on site. You stopped and turned to find Clark waving at you through the plexiglass

You let yourself in and crossed to him as he sat on the weight bench. His thick muscles peeked out from beneath his grey tank as he smiled up at you.

“I haven’t seen you much lately,” He greeted.

“Yeah, lots of work,” You waved the folder in your hand. “How’s life in the compound?”

“Different. Still.” He said. “Tony says it should be much longer.”

“You miss home?” You asked.

“Well… sometimes. A lot happened before I ended up here that makes me think, well, maybe I’m better off.”

“I’m sorry,” You said. “I didn’t mean to--”

“No, it’s… nice to have someone actually ask me how I’m doing.” He stood and went to the bar, carefully unscrewing the large weights. “Everyone here is nice, I guess, but… you’re nicer.”

“Heh, well, that’s half my job,” You chimed. “Smiling in the face of adversity.”

“I don’t think I’m very good at that,” He laughed and you both looked over as the door opened. “Not at all.”

“Hey, Steve,” You called to the new arrival.

“Hey,” He was evasive as he went to another machine.

“Case and point,” Clark placed the weights on the rack one at a time as he spoke.

“What?” You looked over at Steve again then back to Clark. “I thought-- didn’t he show you around the other day?”

“Oh yes, he did,” Clark finished up and clapped his hand on his shorts. “He told me how things were around here.”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve done it--”

“I can take care of myself,” Clark assured you. “It was nothing. Can I walk you to… wherever you’re going?”

“Sure,” You smiled as he grabbed his bag. “I… I interrupted, though.”

“If you don’t mind my sweat, I don’t,” He affirmed.

He opened the door for you and you glanced back at Steve as he sat on the squat machine. He looked back at you and lifted a brow. You smiled and his gaze flicked over to Clark and he scowled. You hid your confusion and continued down the hall.

You’d never seen Steve like that; usually you admired how amiable he could be. Always smiling, always helpful. Perhaps Peter had done more than tear a hole in the universe.

💥

It was rare that you weren’t kept late on Friday. Even more unexpected that Steve would invite you to a movie. Sure, it was a pastime that you, along with Bucky, Sam, and sometimes Nat, would get together for, but it was so last minute you felt entirely unprepared. As you had felt for much of the last few weeks.

As you headed out from the Tower, you found yourself diverted by the scene you found in the hallway. Clark stood, hands in pocket, reading a glass plaque on the wall. There were several through the offices; each explained a different milestone in Stark Industries. He leaned closer and adjusted his glasses; those were Clark’s, not Superman’s he clarified.

You neared quietly and gripped your bag. “Learn anything interesting?”

“Not particularly,” He stopped reading and turned to you. “I like Tony, despite the obvious but… well, I don’t think anyone could ever like him as much as he likes himself.”

“He prefers people to think so,” You said. “What are you doing here?”

“They said they might have fixed the machine or whatever,” He explained. “They didn’t. The particles… They need more of those too. Said something about calling someone to get more? I don’t know, they seem to think I’m too stupid to understand any of it. You know, even my earth isn’t my home. I just happened to fall there… like I did here.”

“Krypton,” You offered. He’d told you a little about it, not much. “I’m sorry you--”

“I don’t miss it. I never knew it.” He shrugged. “I think what’s bugging me is I don’t even miss the place I should. My earth; Metropolis.”

“You had parents there?”

“Had…” He frowned.

“Anyone else?” You prodded.

“At one time but she-- Sometimes things just don’t work out.” He gave a grim smile.

You were silent for a moment. You looked over at the plaque, at the translucent outline of the helmet that topped the famous Iron Man suit. You fidgeted and glanced back at Clark.

“You wanna see a movie?”

“A movie?” His brows drew together.

“Yeah, kinda something we like to do around here when we’re not crammed in here like ants in a hill,” You said. “Bucky, Steve, Sam; they should all be there.”

“Ah,” He nodded hesitantly. “Well, I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“Is it Steve? Don’t worry about him. I’m inviting you as my guest.”

“Well, in that case,” He smiled, genuinely that time.

You nodded down the hall and he gestured you ahead of him, following with his arm almost against yours.

“You know, you and Steve, you got a lot in common.” You said. “Now I’m not saying you have to be best friends but he was once you. One day, he was back in the forties and the next he’s stranded in the next century. I always thought it sounded lonely.”

“Really?” Clark asked. “I never… I didn’t know that.”

“Bucky too but… that’s a long story,” You led him to the elevators and hit the button. “I know they’re stubborn, always have been but I think you’ll see, you’re a lot more alike than you think.

💥

You walked into the movie theatre, staring at your phone as you texted Steve to let him know you were there. Clark grabbed your arm before you could collide with another moviegoer and you thanked him as you awaited a response. You stood awkwardly near the entrance, watching the scores of people and adrift in the smell of popcorn.

“Arcade,” Steve finally replied. “Claw machine.”

You told Clark to follow and dove into the crowd. You followed the current to the arcade and broke off. You stepped past the racing game and the electronic poker and spotted Steve’s broad shoulders as he fought with the stick of the machine. You neared as he bent to grab his prize from the open door beneath.

“Hey,” You chimed.

“Hey, just in time,” He turned with the stuffed rabbit in hand, “This is for--”

His voice died as his eyes settled on Clark. He grimaced and cleared his throat.

“For you.” He finished and kept his glare above you. “Clark.”

“Thanks,” You took it hesitantly. “Where is everyone else?”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked.

“I thought… Oh, well, I just, we usually, all of us,” You found it hard to complete a sentence. “I invited Clark so he wouldn’t be alone and--”

“Cool. That’s cool.” Steve said tersely. “I was waiting to ask you what you wanted to see so… didn’t get tickets yet.”

You smiled and looked down at the rabbit. You realised you might have misread Steve’s text. Yet you didn’t want to assume he meant this as anything more than your usual friendly get together either. You were certain he was just mad that Clark was there because for whatever reason, he just didn’t like him.

“Well, what’s playing?” You asked.

“The only thing still available is that horror movie, Crimson, or that comedy about the mime.” He said. “I’m not big on scary movies but--”

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect ya, buddy,” Clark chuckled. “I think a scary movie might be fun.”

“Do you?” Steve challenged.

“Alright, alright, you two, let’s go grab some tickets, maybe some snacks, and calm down,” You urged. “Do you think you can make it through two hours?”

“Easily,” Clark grinned.

“It’s not a problem,” Steve uttered stiffly. “I’ll grab the tickets, why don’t you wait by the gate?”

You gave a pathetic smile and grabbed Clark’s arm. Steve’s eye caught the movement before he stepped away with a scowl. You dragged Clark away and past the rows of game towards the admissions stall. You hovered there, releasing him only to wring your hands together.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-- It’s usually a whole lot of us,” You said nervously. “I just don’t know what his problem is. He’s usually so nice and--”

“Ego.” Clark said. “I’ve dealt with it before. He’s the big hero, he’s used to being the best, the one in charge. He doesn’t like that I don’t bow to every demand. That his buddy Stark doesn’t make me.”

“I don’t… know,” You looked over as Steve neared. “Just promise me you’ll try to be nice even if he’s not.”

“For you,” He said. “Of course.”

💥

You usually enjoyed the previews but not that night. On either side of you sat a large, tense, and silently fuming man. You felt trapped between them as their arms took up much of the armrests. You held an extra large popcorn that no one seemed interested in and stared up dumbly as the deep voice announced upcoming titles. You should have just gone home and stared at the ceiling. That would be more enjoyable than this.

Then the theatre went silent as the screen turned black. The sonorous soundtrack droned before the screen lit up again. A mosaic walkway with lines of blood running along the cracks. Slowly the camera panned in until the entire screen was a sickly shade of red and the word Crimson appeared in large black letters, the music stopping on a high, terrifying note.

You really wish you had argued for the comedy. Yeah, it would’ve been stupid but with your anxiety already running high, you’d rather roll your eyes than bite your tongue.

Twenty minutes in, you rolled up the top of the popcorn bag and set it on the floor. A waste of overpriced kernels but the gory scenes made you anything but hungry. You winced and flinched as the movie carried on and felt a subtle shift from your left.

Steve’s hand fluttered over yours and he squeezed. You looked over at him and smiled. He leaned in until his arm was flush against you.

From your right, another subtle movement. It was until Clark’s arm slipped down from the top of your seat and dropped over your shoulders that you realised what was going on. He whispered in your ear. “Spooky, huh?”

You nodded as you were trapped in the hot tension of their bodies. You blinked and focused on the screen but you couldn’t decipher the words of the characters, barely even registered their screams. Clark played with the shoulder of your shirt as Steve’s thumb brushed over your skin. You didn’t like whatever battle they had declared.

💥

After the movie, you walked out and shoved the bag of cold popcorn in the trash. Steve was ahead of you and Clark behind you. As you came out in the cool night air, you shivered but basked in the refreshing chill it sent up your spine. The two men were silent.

“Did you like the movie?” You asked, suffocating in their wordless standoff.

“It was alright.” Steve muttered. “Bloody.”

“I liked it,” Clark said. “Been a while since I’ve been to the theatre.”

You nodded and dug your heel into the pavement. You glanced up at the streetlight and down the tarmac at the shine of yellow and white.

“I should get a cab,” You said quietly.

“Here,” Steve raised his hand to hail a taxi. “I’ll share. Make sure you get home safe.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Clark insisted. “Besides, it’s you and me who are headed to the same place.”

“You never know in New York,” Steve watched a cab pull up and open the door. “Nothing wrong with making sure.”

“It’s fine,” You raised your hands in a plea. “Really. It’s okay. I’ll be okay. You two just go… home.”

Clark gave a crooked smile and Steve frowned as he gripped the top of the open cab door. You got in looked up at them.

“Good night,” You grabbed the door. “I’ll see you two on Monday.”

“Night,” Steve’s hand dropped and he backed away.

“Good night,” Clark called to you. “Let me know when you get home safe.”

“Will do,” You said as you pulled the door closed.

You sighed and gave the cabbie your address before letting your head flop back against the leather seat. You couldn’t decide who was dumber; you or them.

💥

Monday came and you had a peculiar butterfly flapping around in your stomach. Friday night hung over you like a shadow. The thought of facing either man was unpromising. The idea of facing them together was worse and made you squirm. There was something you were missing and you just couldn’t put your finger on it. Or you were just being willfully and stubbornly ignorant.

But at the Tower, neither of them appeared. Well, they didn’t need to be there everyday. They probably got more done at the compound with its bigger and more accommodating facilities. You were thankful for the unexpected respite. Still, you were anxious. There was always Tuesday.

You buried yourself in paperwork and spent a little too long on the phone with intelligence. You skipped your lunch and by the end of the day, you were thoroughly exhausted. Yet you still had work to do. A lot of work. So you hunkered down for a few hours of overtime and went over field reports as you paced around your office, trying to stretch out the kinks in your legs.

You were startled by a knock. The Tower had grown quiet, most of the employees gone, even Tony as he had plans with Pepper. You slid the folder onto your desk and went to the door. Clark beamed at you from the other side.

“You’re here late,” He said.

“You too,” You stuck your head out and peered up and down the hallway. “I didn’t know you were even here.”

“Well, you know, the compound can be a bit… much so I come here at night to work out.” He said. “It helps me relax.”

“Oh,” You looked up at him confused.

“I just… I could hear you walking around in here and if you need a break, I’ll be in the gym. That’s all.” He said.

“Okay,” You nodded. “Sure, um…” You glanced back at the office. “Maybe I’ll take a break now. I could use it.”

“Alright,” He said happily. “Well, um,” He rubbed his neck as he backed up. “Should I lead the way?”

You stepped out into the hallway and looked down towards the next. He turned and you followed just behind him. You frowned as you realised he wasn’t really dressed for the gym. Well, maybe he still needed to change. You kept on, happy at least to be out of your stuffy office for the first time all day.

He opened the gym door and you stepped through, only noticing that another was already there as the door clicked shut behind you. Steve sat, hands together, on the weight bench. He wore a tee shirt and jeans. Like Clark, he didn’t look as if he meant to use the equipment. You spun to looked back at Clark.

“Um, what’s going on?” You asked. “You two--”

“We have our differences,” Steve said from behind you. You turned back to him as he stood. “That much we’ve figured out but we’ve also found that we have one glaring thing in common.”

You narrowed your eyes, dizzy and you looked between them.

“You,” Clark said.

Your heart dropped. You gulped, speechless. Then you laughed. It was unbelievable. Ridiculous. You were misunderstanding them.

“Funny?” Clark asked and you choked on your giggles.

“Well, which one is it?” Steve asked.

“What do you--” You blinked. “We’re friends. That’s all.”

“Friends?” Steve scoffed. “I don’t think so.”

“Is this a game to you?” Clark asked. “Huh, you like to lead the boys on and then act innocent when they want more.”

“No, I never-- I was just being nice,” You snapped. “I don’t-- We saw a movie and-- I didn’t do anything to--”

“You didn’t stop anything either,” Steve stepped closer and Clark mirrored him. “Would you have? If my hand had slipped a little lower? Or his?”

“You two… this isn’t funny anymore.” You spun between them as they closed in.

“Choose,” Clark said. “Him or me? It’s obvious you want one of us.”

You were silent. You picked at your nail as you looked back and forth between them.

“Or both?” Steve smirked and his eyes met the other man’s over your head. “I mean, you’ve been trying to make peace between us. What better way?”

“I…” You shuddered. “I got work to--”

You tried to sidestep Clark and he caught you around the waist. He flung you back and you collided with Steve. His arm wrapped around you as you struggled with him. You stomped his foot but he merely grunted and Clark neared as you kicked out at him.

“Stop, stop!” You cried. “I didn’t mean for-- You’ve misunderstood-- I never--”

“Shhhh,” Clark caught your feet and you hung between the two men. “It’s okay. We’re not gonna hurt you.”

“The opposite, in fact,” Steve added as they moved you to the weight bench and forced you across it.

“Hold her still,” Clark flicked your heels off and they bounced across the floor. “Come on, sweetheart, let’s not play this game.”

“Steve,” You gasped as you looked up at the man holding down your shoulders. “Steve, please, why are you--”

He slid his arm across your chest and smothered you with his palm. Your legs flailed and Clark trapped them between his as he stood over you on the bench and tugged at the waist of your skirt, busting the zipper as he tore it past your thighs. You writhed as the fabric fluttered to the floor and he grabbed your panties. He slipped them down your legs, past the sheer thigh highs and the dropped atop your skirt.

“Don’t let her up,” Clark ordered and left you to kick against the bench.

He returned with a skipping rope and wound it around your waist and arms, securing you to the bench. He nodded to Steve who ripped open the front of your blouse, the fabric pushed back over your shoulders to bare your bra. He snapped the front of it and it fell away from your chest, agape like your open shirt.

Clark grabbed another skipping rope and wound it around your shoulders and neck. Steve let you go and you squirmed against the tight rubber cords.

“Please,” You begged.

“Do you want me to shut her up or--?” Steve asked.

“I thought you called the shots around her,” Clark snapped as he removed his glasses.

“Do I?” Steve neared him. “If it was up to me, you wouldn’t be here.”

“If it wasn’t for me, you’d still be drooling like a lovesick puppy,” Clark sneered. “Shut her up, then.”

Steve snickered and turned away from him. He winked at you as he neared and undid the front of his jeans. You grunted as you tried to roll off the bench but only caused the rope to dig deeper into your flesh. You pushed your feet onto the bench and kicked, trying to break the ropes. Nothing.

Steve came around your head and pushed open the denim. He rolled his jeans down with his briefs as he pulled himself out, stroking his already hard cock. You shook your head, barely able to as the rope squeezed your neck. He gripped your chin tightly, pressing until you opened your mouth with a whimper.

He bent his knees and shoved himself inside. You gagged around him as he forced his cock down your throat. Your body spasmed at the suddenness of the intrusion and your fingers clawed at the bench. He pulled back but not for long as he slid back in, your throat contracting around him.

“Mmmm,” Clark purred as he wrenched your legs apart and sat between them. He dragged his fingers along your folds. “So sweet… well, that’s what you like people to think, isn’t it?”

You could only groan around Steve as Clark teased you. Rubbing you until you felt the wetness spread. He poked a thick finger inside of you and your legs tensed against him. Your legs were trapped against his as he held them wide apart with his knees. He added another finger as Steve pushed himself as deep as he could go.

“You just gonna play with her all night?” Steve rutted down your throat between thick breaths.

“I’ll do what I want,” Clark clasped your thigh roughly with his other hand.

He turned his fingers and curled them. A pressure built at his fingertips. You were ashamed of how easily your body responded to him. You gripped the side of the bench as it seemed to strain beneath you.

Clark hummed and drew his hand away. You couldn’t see him but could hear him suck his fingers. It added to the sickness that curdled your stomach as Steve fucked your mouth. The sloppy noises that came from you echoed across the airy gym.

The bench shifted as you sensed movement at the other end. Clark lifted your legs and slid closer. He rested your ankles against his shoulders as his hand brushed your cunt, then his cock. He lined himself up with your entrance, poked inside a little, then pulled out.

He slicked himself along your folds, rubbing against you and once more pressed himself to your entrance. He sank inside of you slowly. He let out a long groan and the deeper he got, the louder he grew. He jolted you as he lost his patience and impaled you entirely.

Steve’s cock poked the back of your throat as he bent over you and sped up once more. Clark began to thrust from your other end, your walls stretched around him painfully, and you arched your back against the tension of the ropes. You were lightheaded, barely able to breathe, your eyes rolled back as you quivered between the men.

The heat bloomed within you, building and building, the fire flowed through your veins as the room faded away. You shuddered and gasped for breath around Steve’s cock. Large hands clung to your thighs and lifted your ass just slightly as Clark hammered into you harder and harder.

You legs shook at the sudden snap inside of you. You unraveled in an instant and murmured as you spasmed wildly atop the bench. Your orgasm washed away all your fear and doubts and your lips hugged Steve’s cock even snugger as it slid in and out of your mouth.

Then it stopped. All of it. The ropes loosened and you were suddenly very empty. The only bound that remained was that around your neck which grew tight. You opened your eyes as they turned you onto your stomach. Your arms and legs dangled over the sides of the bench and the rope, a noose at your throat, drew taut as your head was forced up.

Clark held the other end of the skipping rope as he poked at your lips. He slid his cock into your mouth and down your throat. Steve settled behind you and titled your pelvis as he felt around for your entrance. His cock filled you swiftly as he slid closer. His hands gripped your hips as he began to slam into you, forcing Clark’s cock further down your throat.

“Fuck,” Steve snarled as he crashed into you over and over, jerking your entire body as he did.

“She’s… good,” Clark breathed as pulled the rope tighter. “Very… good.”

“Shit, I’m almost there,” Steve slapped your ass as you began to quake again. “Look at her, she’s cumming again.”

“Mmm, such a good girl,” Clark’s large hand grasped your head as he hammered into you. “Yeah, oh, that’s it.”

Suddenly, he pulled out and dropped your head, the spit dripping from your lips. You felt a warmth on our back as he came between your shoulders, his groans deep and dusky. Steve followed shortly, pushing himself back as he slipped out of you and rubbed himself through his climax against your thigh.

You remained, weak and whimpering, on the bench. You couldn’t move; stunned, drained of every ounce of strength. You panted wildly and your fingertips felt the cold floor blindly.

“Get her up,” Clark ordered as your vision began to clear.

“You.” Steve countered sharply. “You said it yourself,” Fingers danced over your spine and made you shiver. “I’m in charge.”

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munsonsduchess · 3 years

Note

Hello there, lovely duchess <3

I'd love to see what you come up with for prompt #8!

Take care! :)

-bee

summary: You and Bucky are FWB and you've been together for a while now but that's all about to change warnings: kissing, fluff, swearing, gambling (don't do it kids), mentions of smut a/n: yeah so this took an age and that's because my motivation went on vacation and i had to wrangle it back through customs

Prompts from this list

»»————-　♔　————-««

You’d met the Avengers when Tony had finally had enough of your constant nagging and had agreed to let you meet the team he always spoke so much about - not to mention you wanted to see the people he couldn’t stop complaining about in the flesh - so he’d finally relented and introduced you to everyone as only Tony knew how. With a party.

You’d been so excited to meet everyone you hadn’t even minded when the dark brooding man at the bar had spilled your drink on your dress, he was too handsome for you to be mad and with the gleaming metal arm on his left side there was only one person he could be,

“It’s perfectly alright Sergeant Barnes, it’s just a drink” you’d given him your best smile and offered to buy him a drink instead but he’d refused and you hadn’t seen him the rest of the night. Much to your dismay, he’d been someone you’d been looking forward to meeting the most.

In Bucky’s mind anyway he wasn’t planning on getting too close to you, figuring that if you were Tony’s friend there was a high chance you were just another upper east side park avenue princess. A socialite who only cared about wealth and who she could be photographed next to in newspapers and he didn’t have time for that anymore. He was a different man now.

Then you were around more often, spending time at the compound with Natasha, getting lunch with Wanda, offering to bank roll the team since you had “more money than I know what to do with” and it didn’t seem fair for Tony to have to do everything when he had a family to support as well.

Slowly but surely you wormed your way into the team’s hearts and it got to the point where everyone was asking Bucky what his issue was with you, why did he not like you? Had he even spoken to you?

Bucky had brushed off every question, he’d just ignored the needling and the nagging until finally he couldn’t. He’d blown up at Peter who’s eyes had gone wide as the teenager stuttered out an apology. Bucky hated himself for it, even more so when everyone was walking on eggshells around him afterwards, even Steve and Sam who knew him best.

He’d gone out to clear his head and off all the gin joints in all the world you had to be in the one he chose. With your warm smile and offering to buy his drinks, telling the bar staff to put everything on your tab despite Bucky’s protests that he could buy his own drinks. You just rolled your eyes at him and moved to sit next to him instead.

It ended up with just the two of you in the bar that night, your cheeks rosy from the alcohol and your eyes glassy with tears of joy as you listened to his stories and laughed at his jokes. Maybe you weren’t as bad as Bucky originally thought but he still wasn’t planning on getting closer than he needed to, until you’d put your hand on his thigh when you settled the tab and offered to split a cab.

You’d both ended up tangled in your bedsheets, laughing and joking, gasping and moaning well into the night. It had been a while for both of you and this release was definitely needed, plus you’d ended up teaching Bucky a few things when the initial groping like horny teenagers had worn off.

You’d also introduced him to the term ‘friends with benefits’ which is where you found yourself currently. Of course you both went on dates separately but you found yourself cancelling plans more and more to spend time with Bucky instead. To be curled up on the couch watching a terrible movie which was usually forgotten about halfway through for other more entertaining activities that could be partaken in on a couch.

»»————-　♔　————-««

Maybe it was silly of you to think you could resist having feelings for someone like Bucky, someone so kind, caring, funny and someone you felt so comfortable around but that’s exactly what happened. You’d woken up one morning with the smell of him cooking in your apartment kitchen with the radio playing something you didn’t really care about. You’d curled up in the blankets on the bed and revelled in the domesticity of the whole situation and it had struck you. You really cared for this man and not just as a random hook up.

The only problem was, did Bucky feel the same? Everyone else seemed to think so, when you’d spoken to Steve and Sam and Natasha and Wanda and even Scott they’d all seemed to think you and Bucky were already a couple. So you’d enacted a plan, was it your smartest plan? Probably not. Were you going to do it anyway? Damn straight.

You’d created a new tinder profile and specifically matched with the most boring man you could find. The poor bastard had no idea what he was in for or why you’d decided to go out with him but you needed him to be the human equivalent of the colour beige for the plan to work.

Bringing the man around the compound to meet the team, telling Bucky you couldn’t spend time with each other sexually anymore since you and … Dave were serious now and it wasn’t right to cheat on your boyfriend.

Bucky to his credit had wished you well and was happy you’d found someone, outwardly anyway. He’d known the ‘relationship’ the two of you had couldn’t last, that of course you’d move on and find someone worthy of your time and attention. Did it hurt? Like a bitch but he was going to be the bigger man.

Or at least he had wanted to be. The more you brought Dave around the more Bucky wondered what the hell you were doing with a man like that, he couldn’t make you laugh the way Bucky could, where your nose would crinkle in the middle and you’d gasp for breath. He didn’t know how you liked your coffee in the morning, iced usually and loaded with sugar. He sure as shit didn’t know how you liked to be touched.

It had come to an ugly head one evening when you and Dave had gone for dinner, in a restaurant you and Bucky would hang out in all the time. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back, that and the asgardian mead that Thor had left on his last visit. Bucky had taken a shot for some dutch courage and driven his bike straight to the restaurant pushing past the staff who tried to stop him,

“Y/N” he yelled, causing you to look at him with wide eyes and a surprised expression.

“Bucky, what are you doing here? Is everything alright? Did something happen to Steve or Sam?”

“Forget them and forget this guy too, you’re coming with me” he reached down to where you were sitting and wrapped his metal hand around your upper arm, “come on”

“Bucky no, I’m on a date I can’t just leave!” you protested, “David, I'm so sorry about this”

David opened his mouth to say something but a glare from Bucky told him that wasn’t a wise move. Instead he seemed to shrink back into his seat under the weight of Bucky’s icy glare,

“Come on doll” Bucky said again, hoisting you up from your seat by his grip on your upper arm, “we’re leaving”

“James Barnes! I am not your property, let go of my arm right now! If you have something you want to talk about we can talk about it later, I am with David and you have no right to barge in here like this!”

“The hell I don’t”

“Leave James, we’ll talk about this later”

Bucky was about to rebuke you again but was interrupted by a man in a fancy suit clearing his throat, apparently you and Bucky had caused enough of a commotion that several guests had complained and now both of you were being asked to leave. Which suited Bucky just fine. He grabbed you and pulled you from the booth ignoring your cries and protests and simply pulled you along with him until you both were stood at his bike,

“Come on”

“No! You do not get to manhandle me like you own me and then act like nothing is wrong, if you had something you wanted to talk to me about we could have done it like grown ups”

“Oh yeah? Like Dave? Is that what you do with him? Talk like grown ups?”

“What David and I do is none of your business Barnes”

“It is my business cause you’re my business, you’re my girl not his!”

You blinked at Bucky a few times before you huffed out a laugh, that was definitely confusing. Why were you laughing?

“Oh my god! You couldn’t have said something earlier? You had to make a scene? How am I supposed to come back here now?” you were still laughing, “not to mention I owe Steve $50 because he bet you couldn’t last the month”

“Wha? You and Steve had a bet goin’ about me lastin’?” Bucky was beginning to get agitated now, what the hell were you and Steve betting on?

“Yeah! I mean honestly Buck did you think I really liked David? He’s the most boring human being alive! I mean yeah he’s nice enough but oh my god of course I wasn’t serious about him!”

“Then why were ya out with him?”

“To see what you would do!” you said exasperatedly. Bucky raised his eyebrow, what the hell did you mean by that? “Oh my god how can you be this dense, it’s you I want to be with Barnes, not David. You! So I picked David to see if you would just let me be or if you felt the same way!”

“Wha? You couldn’t have just asked me?” Bucky shoots back, “you had to make this whole convoluted plan?”

“Right because if I’d asked you you’d have said you wanted whatever was best for me and if I wanted to see other people that would be fine and you’d never tell me what you really wanted. At least now I know” you said batting your eyelashes at him “you like me, you called me yours”

Bucky groaned and ran a hand down his face. He’d been an actual idiot. He’d told himself he was fine with you seeing other people, that this was just how the modern world was like. He couldn’t expect to hold onto someone like you forever. Now he’d gotten you kicked out of your favourite restaurant and had put his hands on you in a way he swore he never would. That being said, none of that would have happened if you’d been honest with him, no matter what you thought he’d say to you. Now here you were batting your eyelashes at him like nothing had happened,

“Don’t you dare give me those sex eyes right now! This is a serious situation, here!”

“Oh shut up and kiss me Barnes”

That he could do. Repercussions from his actions be damned. You were his. All his.

»»————-　♔　————-««

Taglist: @metalbuckaroo @doasyoudesireandlive @spicynudlesoup @calisamcro

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fic #bucky fic #mcu fic #duchess writes #bee 💛

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sunmoonandeddie · 3 years

Text

feelings are fatal (23/24)

pairing: bucky barnes x reader, past steve rogers x reader

word count: 3,018

summary: After the events of Endgame, you struggle to come to terms with what you’ve lost, though you’re learning that you still have something to gain.

chapter warnings: swearing, violence, funeral

masterlist

a/n: this little chapter drop!!!

The funeral was three days later.

You’d taken it upon yourself to stay in the Stark cabin, licking your wounds and mourning the loss of the man you’d spent almost a decade of your life with. You’d mourned losing him before, but this was different.

This was permanent.

There’d be no more chances to go see him in Buffalo. There’d be no more watching him paint in his home studio, seeing the life he built for himself.

You hadn’t seen Bucky since you left the hospital.

You had walked out of Steve’s room, tears rolling down your cheeks. It felt like a death march as you had to face his family, had to face Peggy, the daughter that was named after you. “He’s gone,” you’d said, hands trembling. “I…”

“Oh, honey,” Peggy had whispered, moving to hug you as her own pain welled up in her eyes.

“I have to go,” you had insisted as you quickly slipped out of her grasp, speeding down the hall. You’d left the members of your little family in the waiting room, knowing that they’d gotten to talk to him before he’d passed but still feeling so guilty because you were the last one he’d seen. The last one he’d talked to.

You hadn’t even stopped when Bucky and Wanda had called out your name. You had the car keys in your hand, since he’d given them to you at some point in the blur of the day.

You’d left him there.

The pain was unbearable.

You’d spent the past three days at the bottom of a bottle, blasting all the playlists that Tony had saved. At some point, it had switched to a playlist full of old jazz music from the forties.

You’d thrown the bottle against the wall and watched it shatter.

Sweeping it up while absolutely plastered had been… an adventure. You had the bandages on your feet to prove it.

But you’d gotten it all swept up and into the trash before moving onto the next bottle.

You’d turned off your phone after the fourth phone call and the eighteenth text.

But Bucky didn’t show up. He didn’t come banging on your door like you hoped he would, swooping in and kissing you like the prince in a fairytale.

It was monumentally disappointing.

When you arrived at the funeral, you’d thrown the car into park and then sat in the lot outside for at least forty-five minutes. You’d shown up early entirely because you knew that you’d need time to gather the courage to go inside.

You’d had to order a black dress and heels with express shipping, since you hadn’t exactly thought to pack them when you and Bucky had gone on your little vacation and you didn’t really feel like going out to go shopping.

Your mistake.

It had taken a lot of effort to actually shower and do your hair and makeup. Your ankles felt like they’d give out any moment as you slammed the car door shut and headed inside.

“Hello.”

You almost tripped over your own feet as you heard a feminine voice call out to you. “H-Hi,” you said as you finally came face to face with the woman who had your name. “I’m—”

“I know,” she said, before getting a weak laugh. “Me, too. I’ve heard so much about you. My dad… uh… He really, really loved you.”

“Thank you,” you said, voice a little stiff. You hadn’t done much talking the past few days, unless screaming out lyrics counted.

Yeah, it counted.

Sorta.

“Um… H-How is Peggy—I mean, your mom—doing?”

“She’s handling it about as can be expected,” she said with a smile as she glanced to where the Brit in question was. It was strange, seeing the woman that was named after you. She was older than you by a few years, and had a few gray hairs. But she looked so much like the perfect mix of Steve and Peggy… “But dad was getting up there… more so than any other man. They both knew it was coming. I just don’t know if mom will be able to hold on without him much longer.”

Great. Because that’s exactly what you wanted to hear.

“Here, let me introduce my siblings!” She said, calling them over before you could say no.

By the time the actual service started, you’d met far more Rogerses than you had ever wanted to.

It was exhausting. They were all so… kind. Despite everything, despite the fact that you were literally their father’s ex girlfriend, despite the fact that you were the last person their father spoke to before he died, and not his wife.

“My husband, Steve, has always been what his best friend called him. A punk,” Peggy said as she stood up before everyone, letting out a weak laugh as she glanced back at the open casket. “But he was so many things. Brave. Outspoken. Generous. Stubborn…”

Your eyes stayed on her, even though you stopped hearing what she was saying. You didn’t have the energy to listen to a eulogy.

That is, until she said your name.

“Huh?” You said, suddenly on high alert. Some part of you was aware that your team was sitting in the front row, including Bucky. You’d been too busy speaking with Steve’s children to talk to them, not that you minded that. You weren’t sure if you were ready to face them.

“Would you please come up and say a few words?” Peggy asked gently, getting down and holding out her hand to you.

“I…” Fuck. You couldn’t say no. It was a god damn funeral. “Okay,” you said after a long moment, placing your hand in Peggy’s and letting her lead you up to the podium. The sea of people staring at you made your blood run cold, your hands trembling as you gripped the wood. “Um… H-Hi…” You introduced yourself, you voice cracking. “I’ve known Steve… since I was eighteen years old. And we were together for almost a decade.” You snorted, shaking your head as you glanced back at the casket, your heart stopping for a moment when your eyes rested on his face. “I know… most of you are probably wondering why the hell I’m up here. Why the hell anyone would want their husband’s ex girlfriend speaking at their funeral, but uh… Steve helped make me the person I am today.” Your heart was hammering inside of your chest, threatening to break your ribs. “He taught me when to push myself, how to trust my instincts.” Also all things that Bucky taught you. You could feel his seafoam blue gaze on you, pinning you in place. “I know it’s cheesy… But he taught me what it means to do the right thing, even when it means standing up to someone you love and telling them so. He taught me how to keep going even when my world was crumbling.” Your heart was shattering as your eyes met Bucky’s. “He taught me to chase after what I want the most in the world, and to accept nothing but the best.” Tears were starting to roll down your cheeks. “Steve was a bright light in the world, even when he was in his darkest moments.” You gave a watery smile, your hands clammy. “Steve was not the shield, and those of us who knew him personally know that. The shield was Steve. He made it into the symbol that it is. A symbol of what every person can be, what they should be. What we should all aspire to be.” Your throat was starting to close up. “But he was showing us that even before the serum, wasn’t he? Because it doesn’t matter how small you are, or where you come from. You can make the choice everyday to make the world a little better.” Sniffling, you swallowed around the lump in his throat. “And I know I’m rambling, but I really didn’t expect to be speaking here today, so please forgive me, but I just… I never thought he’d die like this. There were hundreds of missions where I thought… this is it. This is where I lose him. I always knew he’d fight until he couldn’t anymore. The fact that he got the honor of passing like he did… what feels like a million years old and surrounded by his loved ones in a hospital… just like any other man… I can’t think of a better happy ending for him.” You took a deep breath. “But there’s someone who should be up here more than me. Someone who knew him from the beginning. From playground to battlefield and beyond, right?”

Bucky’s entire body was trembling as he slowly got to his feet and walked up to the podium. But before you could leave, his hand slipped into yours and squeezed, a silent question being asked.

Stay?

And how could he ever think you’d leave him?

You squeezed his hand back, staying by his side as he slowly started to speak. He spoke about the first time they met, all the fights he broke up.

Until the end of the line.

You guessed it really was the end. The grand finale of a life that wasn’t always easy, but was always worth it.

Watching Steve’s casket being lowered into the ground felt like a hallucination. How could it possibly be real?

The feeling that you’d gotten in the hospital was washing back over you like a tsunami. The overwhelming feeling of despair, of disbelief.

Of anger.

You wanted more time. There wasn’t ever enough time and now he was gone.

You slipped away after the funeral ended, getting into your car and just… driving. You knew you’d eventually make it back to the cabin, but you needed to roll the windows down and just feel the icy cold wind in your hair, on your skin.

Making you feel alive.

When you got back to the cabin, the sun had set, stars twinkling overhead in a brilliance you’d never see in the city.

You held your heels in your hand as you stumbled into the house, tossing them to the side as you headed for the kitchen. “FRIDAY, put on some music,” you said quietly.

“What playlist would you like?”

“Read the room, Fri,” you said simply, sighing as you grabbed a bottle of wine from the kitchen. She started to play music throughout the house, and you bit your lip as she started to play a blend of your favorites. Mostly Black Pumas and The Teskey Brothers. “Fri, can you turn on the fireplace?”

Warm light filled the living room and kitchen, flickering softly.

You didn’t bother changing as you collapsed onto the fur rug with just your wine and your bottle opener. “Dumb… cork…,” you huffed as you worked to get it open.

You were about halfway through the bottle when you heard a car pull up, followed by the slam of the door. Your mind was fuzzy as you watched the front door open and Bucky walk in. “Hi.”

He stopped in the entryway, still wearing the all black suit he’d donned at the funeral. “Hey,” he breathed out. He couldn’t help but snort as he saw the bottle of wine in your hands. “Yeah… It has been that kind of day, huh?”

When you held it out to him, you couldn’t tear your eyes away as you watched his pink lips wrap around the bottle and he took a swig.

Fuck, you had it so bad.

“How are you feeling?” You asked as you watched him stand by the end of the sofa. “It’s been… a rough day.”

“I’ve been better,” he said simply as he took another drink. “But I know I’ll feel better once you and I are speaking again.”

Your heart squeezed inside your chest as your eyes met, your cheeks flushing. “Right… I… I think we were both… frazzled… But I’m so sorry.”

Pain and Misery by The Teskey Brothers started to play over the stereo, filling the house with soothing R&B. It was one of your favorite songs in the whole entire world.

“I've been in love, honey, you know it's true… Was since that day I first laid my eyes on you…”

“Malen’kaya,” he said as he set the bottle on the coffee table, holding out his hand to you. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Could you forgive me for how I acted?”

“Love is a crazy game, baby… It's how I feel… It makes you oh, so high, but it takes so long to heal…”

You nodded after a long moment, slipping your hand into his and squeezing as he tugged you to your feet. “I can. I do,” you said, the wine making your head fill with bubbles.

“So, please, yeah, yeah… Won't you stay with me? 'Cause since you gone, it's all pain and misery. Honey, please, yeah, yeah… Won't you stay with me? 'Cause since you gone it's pain and misery…”

Something inside of you clicked back into place as he pulled you close to his chest, the two of you immediately starting to sway. Falling back into step with him was as easy as breathing, you were finding.

Perhaps even easier.

“Sometimes I curse that day of when you came along… I was happy but it's been pain now for so very long… Oh, I'm begging you, honey… Please, won't you stay? 'Cause I been so lonely since you gone away…”

“I don’t like not talking to you,” he said quietly, his lips pressing to your forehead. “Feels so wrong… Like I can’t breathe.”

Funny how you’d just had almost the same thought.

“Everyday is pain… In the end, it's hard to see… Every fateful day is oh, so sad, now that I've lost the best friend that I ever had…”

He was so warm, so comforting. Like a teddy bear.

“I don’t like not talking to you either,” you admitted as you nuzzled closer to him, breathing in the musky scent of his cologne. It was intoxicating. “Can we please never do it again?”

“Honey, please, won't you stay with me? 'Cause since you gone it's all pain and misery…”

He grinned against your forehead, his hand moving from your hip as he slid his arm around your waist to pull you even closer. “I think that can be arranged.”

“Honey, please, whoa please, won't you stay with me? 'Cause since you gone it's pain and misery…”

“Jamie…,” you whispered, your voice cracking as you tried to gather the words you wanted to say.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” He asked, resting his head against yours.

“Hey, I'm begging you, honey… Whoa… I want you to love me… Yeah, I want you to love me… I need you so bad…”

“What does this mean?” You asked as the song ended and it shifted to another. “For us, I mean?” You were starting to panic, anxiety welling up in your chest and causing you to word vomit. “Because I can’t do this back and forth, I can’t. I won’t. I won’t survive it. I can’t keep pretending like we’re just friends and that the way you make me feel doesn’t make me… doesn’t make me…”

“Doesn’t make you what?” He asked quietly, not letting you move away from his secure embrace. “Please… Because I can’t keep acting as though you’re not my everything.” He held the back of your head, his fingers gently massaging your scalp. “Please… Please, tell me you love me. Because I…” He rested his forehead against yours, a tear rolling down his cheek. “The love I have for you has rewritten every piece of DNA in my body,” he said. “It’s in my blood, my bones… You are written in my heart, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. And…” He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “And if you don’t love me the way I love you, that’s just fine. As long as I have you in my life… I’ll be whatever you need.”

“Jamie…,” you said with a weak laugh. You were openly crying, though you weren’t sure when you had started. “Oh, Jamie… Do you really think I could ever not love you?” Your nose nudged against his as you wrapped both of your arms around his neck. “If you don’t kiss me, we’re gonna have a fight.”

The smile that split open his face was blinding. The kiss he planted upon your lips was absolutely filthy. A mess of teeth and tongue and grins and giggles, a tangle of feelings pent up for so long that you were sure you’d never get them all out. You’d spend the rest of your life unraveling all the ways he made you feel, and you’d do it with a smile.

“I love you. I love you so fucking much,” you said as you pressed yourself against him. “I never wanna be without you ever again.”

“You never have to,” he breathed out as he nipped at your lower lip. Without further ado, he reached down and slipped his arm under your thighs. You let out a squeak as he scooped you up, carrying you bridal style up the stairs. “I’m gonna love you so good,” he said with a growl.

You almost hit your head on the door frame as he carried you into the guest bedroom you two were occupying, squealing as he tossed you onto the bed. “Jamie!”

“Yes, malen’kaya?” He asked as he shoved off his suit jacket, toeing off his dress shoes at the same time.

“Nothing,” you said, giggling as you started to strip down, too. “Nothing at all.”

When you two finally finished hours later, the wine had worn off, and he was asleep. You’d curled up on top of his chest, his cool vibranium hand resting on the small of your back, helping you cool off.

“Jamie?” You murmured, testing if he was asleep. When he grunted, you smiled, intertwining your fingers with his flesh hand. “I love you…”

“I love you more, baby.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x y/n

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bumblesimagines · 3 years

Text

Green Thumb

Part 20

Request: Yes or No

"Time travel sounds fun until you see how cringy you used to be." You said, watching Nebula fix some things on the suit Scott had on.

"I've never been cringy." Scott said. You stayed silent in response, glancing at Rhodes. Scott blinked, scoffing softly as you giggled.

"You're great, Scott." You gave a tired smile. Bruce went to put in the red capsules.

"Hey- Hey, be careful!"

"I'm being very careful." Bruce replied.

"No, you're being very Hulky." Scott put in the capsules himself. Even if Bruce was careful, he could still crush whatever was in there without even thinking about it. It was weird seeing Bruce in Hulks body but you supposed it helped end the beef they had. Scott and Bruce went back and forth until he turned small and big in a second.

"Alright, one test run." Scott gave a sheepish smile, glancing at everyone in the room. "I'm not ready for this."

"I'm game." You turned your head, looking at Clint. You crossed your arms, a soft sigh leaving you.

"I'll do it." Clint shrugged. Scott licked his lips, looking at Bruce. Bruce gave him a small nod so Scott walked out of the room to change out of the suit. Clint followed.

"So.. He got a new tattoo." Rhodes glanced at you. You licked your lips, shrugging lightly. Rhodes sighed, leaving the room momentarily before returning with some twizzlers. He offered one to you, giving a small smile. You took it, taking a small bite from it as Clint walked into the room with the suit on. Nebula made sure everything was good with the suit.

"Clint, you're gonna feel a little discombobulated from the shift. Don't worry about it." Bruce told him.

"Wait, wait.. Let me ask you something. If we can do this, you know go back in time, why don't we just find baby Thanos and just.." Rhodes made a wrapping and squeezing motion.

"I mean, it's a solid idea. Baby Thanos was probably real ugly anyways." You said, chewing on the candy. Bruce stared at you and Rhodes in disbelief.

"First of all, that's horrible-"

"It's Thanos."

"And secondly, time doesn't work that way. Changing the past doesn't change the future."

"We go back and get the stones before Thanos gets them.. Thanos doesn't get the stones!" Scott said, shrugging. Rhodes nodded, motioning to him.

"Problem solved!"

"Bingo." Clint nodded as Nebula glanced at them, giving a small shake of her head.

"That's not how it works." She muttered.

"Anyways, who told you that?"

"Star Trek, Terminator, Time Cop, Time After Time, Wrinkle in Time, Hot Tub Time Machine-"

"So, any movie with time in the name." You said with a chuckle.

"Well, it doesn't work like that. If you travel to the past, that past becomes your future and your former present becomes your past." Bruce explained. You hummed, continuing to munch on the twizzler.

"If time travel works.. That means there's different versions of ourselves in different.. Dimensions, right? Like living things we've lived and making decisions we'll eventually make?"

"Yes, actually." Bruce nodded, glad that at least someone was getting it.

"For example, my past self might be in Sokovia fighting Ultron right now while my future self might be relaxing on a beach." Bruce said with a shrug. You hummed, nodding.

"I wonder what my future self is doing.."

"Probably getting therapy instead of napping and drinking." Rhodes muttered, glancing at you. You scoffed softly.

"You drink?" Clint questioned, brows furrowing as a frown tugged at his lips. You shifted your gaze back to the man you used to call dad and shrugged.

"Occasionally." Once the suit was good to go and Bruce had told Clint everything he needed to do, you followed the guys and Nebula to the platform Rocket had built. It was surprising how much a raccoon could built. You glanced at Thor, giving him a small nod. Bruce walked up to the controls, the others standing behind him as they watched Clint stand in the center.

"Alright, Clint.. We're going in three.. Two.." You could tell Clint was nervous, you were too. Despite everything, he had still been someone who took you in and loved you. You slowly chewed on the twizzler, gaze flickering around the platform. To Clint it could feel like hours but it would merely be seconds for you and the others. Clint suddenly appeared, falling on the ground. The helmet retracted as he panted. Natasha quickly rushed up onto the platform with you following incase he had injuries. Natasha helped him up, getting him grounded as Clint looked around.

"I saw her... I saw Lila again.." Clint panted. You stared at him, swallowing as your grip on the twizzler tightened. Clint tossed a baseball glove at Tony, nodding.

"It worked." Clint said. A sense of relief filled you along with everyone. There was a chance at getting everyone back. The team turned, heading to an office in order to talk more and come up with a game plan. You finished your twizzler, taking a seat and watching Tony pull up pictures of the stones.

"We gotta find out the when and the where." Steve said, looking over all of the stones.

"Almost everyone in this room has had at least one encounter with an infinity stone." Steve turned his attention onto everyone. You supposed Vision counted as an encounter.

"Or substitute encounter by being damn near killed by one of the stones." Tony added, shrugging as he sipped on his coffee.

"I haven't." Scott piped in. "I have no clue what the hell you're talking about."

"Regardless, we only have enough pinparticles for one trip each and these stones have been in a lot of different places throughout history." Bruce said, slowly walking around the office.

"Our history." Tony reminded him. "So, not alot of convenient spots to drop in."

"Which means we'll have to pick our targets." Clint muttered. Tony nodded, shooting him the side eye. You cocked a brow when you made eye contact with Tony. Tony simply patted your shoulder.

"Let's start with the ether. Thor, what do you know?" Steve asked, everyones' attention shifting onto the god of lighting. Thor sat in a corner, coke bottle in hand and sunglasses on.

"Is he asleep?" Natasha asked after Thor didn't answer. You stared at him. The last five years had definitely been rough for him.

"Pretty sure he's dead." Rhodes mumbled. You sighed, reaching forward and grabbing a cup of water. You made it turn ice cold before tossing it at the god. Thor jolted awake, looking down at his wet shirt.

"Thor, the reality stone. What do you know about it?" Steve asked again, watching him stand and approach the picture of the reality stone. You listened to Thors' rambling, turning to look at Tony. Scott was the only one interested in what he had to say. Tony approached him, urging him to sit.

"Alright.. Who's next?"

~~~~~~~~~~

You stared at the pictures. Three stones in New York, one in Asgard, and the other two in Morag. You looked at Steve as he approached the hologram.

"Alright, we have a plan. Six stones, three teams. One shot." Steve said. You swallowed, glancing at Rocket and Thor. You had been assigned on their team. Just in case. You stood up with the others, going off to change. You stared at the two pictures in your locker. One of the Barton family and the other of the Stark family. You headed towards the platform after changing, standing beside Thor and Rocket.

"Stay safe." Natasha said softly, giving your arm a squeeze. Steve gave a pep talk before you put your helmet on. You absolutely hated the feeling as you went through what looked like a blue tunnel. When you blinked, you were in Asgard. Thor held a finger up to his lips, passing by a room. You followed, glancing back and seeing his brother. You had never officially met Loki but he was an odd dude. You reached a hall, standing besides Thor. You listened to the women talk in the hall. You shared a look with Rocket.

"There's Jane." Thor whimpered, shaking his head. Rocket sighed.

"Alright.." Rocket hopped off the stone block, looking at you and Thor.

"You're gonna charm her, (Y/N) will be our lookout, and I'll poke her with this thing, get the stone, and we'll be gone." Rocket said, watching Thor. You gave a nod but Thor sniffled.

"I'll be right back. The wine cellar is just down here. My father used to have this huge barrel of ale." You stared at Thor, letting out a sigh as you scratched your forehead. You heard a door opening and quickly ducked besides Rocket.

"Yes, and could you also let me know when Gaia plans on visiting again?" You blinked, feeling your body freeze. You slowly stood, glancing at Thor as he slowly walked down the hall, gaze on the woman.

"Who's the fancy woman?" Rocket asked, hopping onto the stone. You swallowed, turning your head and looking at the woman.

"That's my mother..." Thor answered. Your eyes slightly widened, turning to face Thor. You opened your mouth to ask him a question.

"She dies today." Thor whispered. You shut your mouth, frowning. You licked your lips, gaze flickering around.

"How.. How does she know Gaia?" You asked softly. Thor glanced at you with furrowed brows.

"She was a friend of my mothers'." Thor answered. He looked back at where his mother had been, shaking his head.

"I can't do this." He breathed out, beginning to pant softly. You and Rocket faced him. Rocket told Thor to get closer as Thor rambled. You blinked as Rocket slapped him, almost laughing at the sight of a raccoon slapping a god.

"You think you're the only one who lost people? What do you think we're doing here? I lost the only family I ever had. Same with nature boy over here. I get you miss your mom, but she's gone. Really gone and there are plenty of people who are kind of gone. You can help them. So is it too much to ask that you brush the crumbs out of your beard, talk to the girl, and when she's not looking, suck the infinity stone and help us get our families back?" Rocket stared at him. Thor nodded, a small whimper leaving him as his eyes watered.

"Thor, calm down." You said softly, placing a gentle hand on his arm. "You're the god of lighting, Thor. You can do this."

"Yeah, yeah, I can." Thor nodded. You gave him a small smile, following Raccoon towards the door. You turned, hearing footsteps rushing away. You sighed.

"He's gone." You muttered. Rocket groaned softly.

"You go after him. I'll go get the stone." Rocket said, turning around and walking towards the room.

"I don't know this place." You huffed, looking at the talking raccoon. Rocket let out an exasperated sigh.

"Be my lookout." He mumbled. You walked towards the room Jane was in, watching Rocket enter. You stood infront of the doors, gaze flickering around. You had no idea what you were gonna do if somebody asked you what you were doing. You swallowed, glancing in the direction Thors' mother had gone in.

"He'll be fine." You assured yourself, speedwalking in the direction. You spotted Thor, quietly walking towards him.

"Thor-"

"Shh." He brought up a finger to his lips. Thor grabbed you, keeping you hidden behind the pillar as his mother passed by. She dismissed her girls. You and Thor peeked around the corner.

"What are you doing?" You flinched, letting out a yelp as a woman yelped as well. You turned and faced her, watching her look at Thor. Thor suddenly grabbed you, covering you with his jacket.

"You're better off leaving the sneaking to your brother." The woman said, head tilting.

"What are you wearing? Who is this?" She asked, stepping forward. You swatted Thor's arm away, clearing your throat.

"Uhm, I'm- I'm (Y/N)." You said. Rocket was gonna kill you.

"Frigga." She gave a polite smile. "What are you wearing?" Friggas' brows furrowed, looking Thor over. Frigga slowly approached her son, placing a hand on his cheek. Thor rambled slightly. Frigga smiled softly.

"You're not the Thor I know, are you?" She asked softly.

"Yes I am."

"The future hasn't been kind to you, has it?" She gently brushed some hair out of his face. You watched her, gaze softening. You could see why Thor loved his mother so much. They shared a tight hug, something Thor had desperately needed.

"Let's talk." Frigga smiled. You tuned out as Thor spoke to his mother. You walked around her room, looking over the glass. You licked your lips, looking over at them.

"How do you know Gaia?" You asked softly. Frigga turned to look you curiously.

"Like, uhm, Thor told me but I.. I wanna know more." You said, facing her. Frigga tilted her head, slowly approaching you.

"Gaia? What would you want with her?"

"She's my mother and she.. She kind of abandonded me." You shrugged lightly, letting out a small awkward laugh. Frigga hummed, gaze softening.

"Gaia's in.. It's hard to explain. She's in The Garden. She lives there and it's how she watches over her creations." Frigga explained.

"How do I get there?"

"Fairy rings. Only certain people have access to her portals." Frigga said. You nodded, keeping it in mind. Thor stood, approaching you and his mom.

"Mother, I must tell you something-"

"No, Thor." Frigga turned to face her son, pressing a finger to his lips.

"Mother-"

"Guys!" Rocket shouted, running towards you. "You were supposed to watch the door!"

"I know." You gave an apologetic smile. Rocket shook his head, showing the stone.

"I got it." He breathed out. "Oh, hey, you must be mom."

"I wish we had more time." Thor said softly. Frigga smiled gently, grabbing his hands.

"This was a gift. Now you go and be the man you were meant to be." Frigga said softly. Thor gave her a sad smile.

"I love you, mom."

"I love you." Frigga hugged Thor tightly. She pulled back and smiled. Rocket began to count but Thor stopped him. He extended his hand towards the balcony area. You and Rocket shared a look.

"W-What are we looking at?" He asked.

"It takes a second." Frigga chuckled softly. Thors hammer returned to him, making him beam. You smiled softly as the suit returned.

"Nice meeting you." You said.

"Same here." Frigga smiled, giving a small wave. The helmet came on and you went back through the nauseating blue tunnel. You grunted, shutting your eyes tightly.

"Yeah, fuck that." You muttered, rubbing your forehead. You looked around, noticing Clint fall to his knees with teary eyes.

"Where's Nat?"

~~~~~

Tags: @geek-and-proud @wolfelocksley @babyvisionisamenace @jjk-is-my-shit

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mxltifaves · 3 years

Text

Hate is a Strong Word (Bucky Barnes)

Summary: Bucky x Y/N attends a therapy session after a mission gone wrong. You both love getting on each other’s nerves and after warnings from the rest of the Avengers, you don’t listen.

A/N: I've had this fic in my drafts for like two months and I don't know why I haven't posted it so here it is. Hope you enjoy it. Also, requests are open so If you have a fic in mind feel free to send it.

Ever since you joined the avengers you’ve always gotten along with everyone except with the one and only Bucky Barnes. You two were complete opposites, Bucky was very reserved and only really opened up to certain people while you were outgoing and loved to talk. When Bucky was under Hydra’s control, he was tasked to assassinate a man who threatened Hydra but your parents were killed in the crossfire. They were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Nobody aside from Steve and Tony knew you knew about Bucky killing your parents. Despite knowing that you didn’t hold it against Bucky because he wasn’t himself.

After a mission gone wrong due to you two bickering, you ended up in therapy with Bucky. Tony thought it would be a good idea to clear the air between you two and make sure nothing like what happened, happened again. You and Bucky really didn’t want to do it but it wasn’t like you had any other choice. So there you were, sitting next to each other in a very dull room with a woman sitting across from you.

“Y/N, Bucky, I am Dr. Raynor. I will be your therapist. So tell me why you’re here today?”

As you prepared for your mission, Nat and Wanda came into your room. “Ready?” Wanda asked as they took a seat on your bed.

“Yeah, almost just a few more things,” you responded as you rummaged through your drawers.

“Are you and Barnes going to be okay?” Nat asked raising her brow

“What do you mean?” you asked confused

“Look, we've all noticed your hostility towards each other. It can go either two ways, you end up dead or between the sheets,” the read head raised her brow giving you a knowing look.

“First of all eww, I would never. Second of all, I’m not an idiot. We may argue a lot but we don’t let that get in between the job,” You responded with a serious look on your face

“Okay, if you say so,” she said, not believing you. Before you had a chance to respond, F.R.I.D.A.Y spoke over the intercom.

“Ms. y/l/n, Mr. Barnes would like to know if you are ready to go?”

“Can you tell him I need ten more minutes,” you responded, taking the opportunity to get him annoyed since you were already ready.

“He will not like that,” F.R.I.D.A.Y said

“I know,” you smirked. You sat on your bed waiting for ten minutes to pass. You knew Bucky hated when you took too long which is why you always did.

“You know he’s gonna come looking for you,” Wanda said to you

“No he won’t, he’ll just brood the entire way there,” you smiled.

“I don’t understand you two. There is some sexual tension there and you bicker to hide it,” Nat said confused but yet understood the nature of your relationship with Bucky. As much as you hated to admit it she was partially right. After chatting with Wanda and Nat for 10 minutes, you got up and made your way to the jet where Bucky was already waiting for you.

“What took you so long?” he asked annoyed

“Calm down grumpus, I had to take care of something,” you quickly defended yourself.

**Flashback**

“Because our “boss” is an arrogant ass and enjoys punishing us,” you said rolling your eyes.

“Mr. Stark brought me up to speed on your situation. So who would like to start?” she asked you and Bucky but neither of you answered. “No volunteers?” she asked looking at the two of you completely uninvested. “Okay then, y/n why don’t you start? Why does Bucky aggravate you?” she asked looking in your direction.

“I don’t know, we just can’t stand each other,” you answered

“Look the only way this will work is if you communicate,” Dr. Raynor said

“There’s nothing to communicate so I’m not sure what you want me to say,” you responded

“Okay, what about you Bucky? Why is it that you and y/n don’t get along?” she turned to Bucky who was fidgeting with his fingers.

“As she said, we just don’t,” he said coldly

“Okay, do you trust each other?” she asked

“I trust him, when it counts,” you responded feeling his eyes on you

“What she said,” he responded

“Okay, so tell me about the incident that happened during your mission,” she asked you both.

“We were supposed to gather some information on someone we’ve been trying to apprehend, it was supposed to be easy, ” you said, remembering the events that lead you here.

*Flashback*

“Are you going to be brooding the whole mission?” you asked him, making eye contact with Bucky, but he didn’t respond.

“I guess that answers my question,” you muttered

“So what’s the plan?” Bucky spoke

“He speaks,” you said, “We go in, get what we need, then get out,” you simply said, putting in the earpiece.

“So no plan,” he rolled his eyes

“That is the plan, it’s an easy mission. Just try not to get caught,” you responded.

‘Easier said than done,” he muttered

“Look we go in, you distract and I’ll use this handy flash drive to upload all their files into our servers. Quick and easy,” you explained

“Why do I have to distract them? You do it,” Bucky said

“Because you’re an old man and that doesn’t know how to use technology,” you said rolling your eyes

“I do know how to use technology, for your information,” Bucky said annoyed

“Barely,” you mumbled to yourself.

“Just hurry,” he said. You made your way over to the networking room, making sure nobody saw you or followed you. Once you made it inside you plugged in the drive downloading all the files onto it. “How we doing?” you heard over the comms.

“It’s downloading,” you said.

“Can you hurry it up?” he asked

“No, I can’t. If I hurry the files won’t properly transfer, meaning we would fail the mission and I don’t fail. So shut up and let me work,” You said as you continued typing.

“Work faster,” Bucky said causing you to roll your eyes at him. “I hate you,” you muttered thinking he wouldn’t hear you.

“Feeling’s mutual,” he said back. After a couple of minutes of silence, you heard Bucky speak. “Y/n, you got incoming,”

“I thought I told you to distract them,” you said frustrated.

“There’s only so much stalling I can do. I’m on my way to you,” he said. You tried to work faster but it was useless. The files still had about 10 percent to go, which seemed to go by slowly. You heard the doorknob move, pulling out your gun and pointing it towards it. The door was swung open only to reveal Bucky. “Easy there,” he said. “Jesus, Barnes a little warning next time. I could’ve shot you,” you rolled your eyes. “Trust me doll, you couldn’t even if you tried,” he smirked

“You wanna test that theory out?” you said annoyed.

“Later, right now we gotta get the hell out of here,” he said hurrying you.

“It’s not done,” you said pointing to the screen, only 6 percent left.

“Just leave it. We got enough,” Bucky urged you.

“No, it’s almost done. We can get it all,” you said turning back to the computer.

“Why do you have to be so goddamn stubborn?” he said under his breath. “I’ll keep watch, hurry,” he said going back to the door to make sure nobody was coming.

“Shit, y/n we have to leave,” he said as he saw guards turning the corner and making their way to you.

“Wait, it’s almost done,” you said.

“Y/n, now!” Bucky yelled at you.

“Okay I got it,” you said pulling out the drive. “Told you I could do it,” you said. As you were about to exit the room, gunshots started. Bucky pulled you back inside but you were already hit in the arm. “Shit, what the hell?” you cursed looking at your bleeding arm. “Now you see why I was hurrying you?” Bucky asked

“Now is not the time, Barnes,” you yelled at him, putting pressure on your arm.

“Why because I was right and you can’t handle me being right?” he asked

“Can we just get the hell out without dying?” you said

“Can you use your gun?” he asked

“Yeah,” you said groaning in pain. Bucky was the first one to peak out the door, gunshots still firing. He started firing back landing a few shots. You went after him, firing as many shots as you could. Your arm bleeding out more as you moved. After killing most of them, there were only two men left. “I’m out,” Bucky said looking at the empty clip. “Me too,” you said back. Bucky pulled out the knife from his side pocket. He started fighting the two men, landing a few stikes on them. Eventually, the two men were on the ground. “Not bad,” you said a small smile forming. “Is that a compliment?” he raised his brow. “Never,” you shook your head smirking. “Are you okay?” he furrowed his brows. You were clearly losing a lot of blood. “Is that worry I sense?” you chuckled dryly. “Never,” he smiled at you. “Let get out of here before more of them come,” Bucky said looking back at the unconscious men.

**END FLASHBACK**

“You know thinking about it, I’m not really sure how we screwed up. I mean we got what we went there for. There might’ve been some unprecedented events but we still got what we needed,” you tried to defend yourself.

“I think it’s not really about the mission itself it’s more your relationship with each other,” Dr. Raynor said

“I’m not really sure what kind of relationship you are referring to, but like we’ve said we just can’t stand each other,” you said.

“Why do you think that is?”

“I tried to be nice when I first joined the Avengers but cyborg over here was a complete ass so I stopped trying to be nice,” You explained

“Mr. Barnes, you have anything to say?” she looked at Bucky. Bucky stayed silent not wanting to partake in the conversation.

“See? Complete ass,” you said shaking your head in annoyance. “You know what, I’m done. This is completely useless, you can give us the okay to go back on missions or you can’t I don’t care,” you said as you stood up and left the room. You got outside and let out a breath, tired from that useless therapy session. After about twenty minutes Bucky finally got outside. “You know I don’t hate you or anything,” Bucky said causing you to turn to look at him. “What?” you asked confused

“Fourteen years ago, I was sent to kills someone. There was a couple that saw so I had to kill them too. I remember their names. When you joined and saw your last name I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. I killed your parents, and I’m sorry,” Bucky said avoiding your eyes.

“I know,” you said softly

“You know?” he asked confused

“Yeah, I’ve read your file. Everyone you’ve killed while under Hydra’s control, every single person,” you said

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Because I know that wasn’t you. And being angry towards you wouldn’t bring them back,” you explained.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologized once again.

“I know,” you smiled warmly. “Come on, I need to eat,” you said as you started walking away. “This doesn’t make us friends right?” you stopped to ask.

“Never,” he smiled softly. “Good, we wouldn’t want that now,” you teased him.

#bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #marvel characters #marvel #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff #tony stark #steve rogers #marvel au #marvel fanfiction

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raendown · 3 years

Link

Fandom: Marvel Pairing: SamBucky Word count: 2070 Rated: T+ Summary: Steve had only just been thinking about how much he missed his best friend when his phone started ringing. Great minds think alike! Except apparently Bucky had meant to call someone else entirely and Steve was not at all prepared for the discovery of this baffling - but adorable - secret.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

From Where You Are

He may have staunchly denied it every time Tony or Natasha or anyone else teased him for it but Steve knew damn well that he had a - very slight! - penchant for dramatics. Dramatics like slamming an entire plane down in to the icy ocean rather than just turning the damn thing around and flying in circles until Peggy or Howard came up with the latest madcap rescue plan. Yeah. He was a self aware guy. Which meant he knew exactly how much teasing he would get if he so much as dared to open his mouth and complain about life on the run.

Because as well as Steve knew himself, his friends knew him better. He might be lucky to get a whole three words in to his sentence before any of the people he currently had available to listen would guess exactly what he was really complaining about. He missed Bucky. So sue him! He’d already spent seventy years thinking his best friend was dead and then another two knowing he was out there but not exactly all there. Now finally he knew exactly where Bucky was. He knew that Bucky knew exactly who he was. They could be best friends again.

Through video calls only.

Steve clenched his jaw against the urge to close both eyes and whine at the unfairness of it all. Leaving Bucky in Wakanda had been the right choice for everyone but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Could the world maybe stop being so unfair for just five damn minutes? Give a guy a chance to reunite properly with the one thing that had centered the first couple decades of his life? Maybe get a hug or two in while Bucky was only one-armed and half defenseless against a few rounds of proper manly affection? It didn’t sound like too much to ask. Yet here he was sitting up just past midnight trying to calculate time zones to figure out if maybe he could get a quick call in now that Sam and Natasha were falling asleep. If he snuck out on to the balcony he might be able to avoid waking them and therefore avoid the inevitable teasing over his ‘very obvious pining’.

So lost in his own head was he that Steve nearly threw his phone against the wall when it began signing in his hand. It took a slow blink or two for his thoughts to clear enough that he understood no, he had not called Bucky out of rote habit, Bucky was calling him. Score one for that mental best friend bond he’d heard the other two joking about the other day. Steve was smiling as he accepted the call and held it up at an angle he hoped would get his face properly.

“Hey, Buc- oh my god, are you okay?”

Small on the screen and folding in to himself like he was trying to be just as small in person, Bucky’s eyes were wild where they stared somewhat just over top of whatever device he’d used to call from. He took several ragged breaths in and let them all out a little too heavily before he could speak.

“No.”

“I’m here, pal, what’s up?”

“Can you- where’s Sam?”

Steve felt his eyebrows lift up together. “Uh, Sam? Is in the next room. Why?”

A good question, he felt, since in the eight or so months since they had all last been together in Wakanda, Bucky had never once so much as breathed Sam’s name during these scattered video calls. Steve had seen them have maybe two conversations in the palace and both of those had been stilted as hell. Two men dancing around the fact that they’d both tried to kill each other on several occasions. Now here was Bucky jerking his eyes over to look directly at the camera and Steve had never seen him look so haunted before. Which, really, was saying something.

“I want to talk to Sam,” he said, voice quiet, aching with something Steve hadn’t heard before. They had talked about Bucky having nightmares. He’d just never seen one, not even the aftermath. Bucky had been a keep-it-close-to-the-chest guy long before what happened with HYDRA.

“Uh, okay. Sure. He might be asleep but I’ll just- yeah.”

Feeling more than a little confused, he did just that. Stood and marched to the door with a single minded purpose that could only come with being given a mission. Bucky wanted to talk to Sam and he might not understand why but he was going to make that happen even if he had to wake the man up.

Thankfully, he did not have to wake the man up, although if he’d waited even a single full minute longer that might have been the case. Sam hadn’t even taken the time to undress or properly get in to what passed as his bed for tonight. He was still sitting half slumped against the wall on a little nest of blankets, carefully positioned in exactly the opposite corner from Natasha because one simply did not sleep next to a Russian super spy knowing that the slightest disturbance would send her in to full mission mode in less than five seconds. Besides, Sam had laughed when he pointed that out, I’m a serial sleep cuddler and I don’t think that’s a great idea here. Who knows how many knives she’s got under her pillow?

“Sam?” Fond amusement rippled through the layers of worry as Steve watched his friend’s head loll towards him, indolent and exhausted. “Hey, uh, Bucky’s on a call. He wants...to talk to you?” That got a reaction. His eyes cracked open to take in the phone Steve was holding out and his chin lifted faintly in greeting.

“Hey man,” he ground out, voice coarse with near-sleep. “‘Nother nightmare?”

“Can you tell me a story?” Bucky asked.

Steve very nearly dropped the phone. He almost dropped it again when Sam, without any external reaction whatsoever, immediately launched in with, “So you know that guy Dwayne I was telling you about? From homeroom? God, lemme tell you about how stupid this guy is. We’re at prom, right? And there’s this honey he’s had his eyes on for like three months only she went to prom with Harry Murdock- yeah, you know, the quarterback. Fuckin’ quarterbacks, man.”

It was kind of like watching something his own weird dreams might come up with. A sequence of events that made very little sense once you’d woken up and tried to piece it all back together. Sam’s eyes gradually slid closed again but his mouth just kept going like this was all totally normal, like he often spent his nights sitting up and telling Bucky random stories about the other kids he’d gone to highschool with. And on the opposite end of the call Bucky’s face grew less haunted with every word until the panic had drained out of him entirely and his own eyes were sliding down. He must have been using a tablet or laptop because the camera stayed perfectly centered on him even when his head at last fell gently down against his chest.

“-and I mean, yeah, I get what he was going for with the ribbons but fuck, it really just made the whole thing worse. Best night of my entire highschool career gone right down the drain because Harry Murdock was too ashamed to tell his parents he wanted to take me to prom and Lisa Furlow was too good of a friend to tell anyone she was just a beard. Obviously the teachers were mad about the horse being there but- ah. He fall asleep?” It took a second for Steve to realize his friend was asking him a question.

“Yeah. He did.”

“S’good. Good. ‘M gonna too. Night, Steve.” And then he was out too. Sam’s head lolled again, face going slack, and Steve was left standing there with a phone in his hand and several new knots in his chest, all of them shaped like confusion.

Well. That. Had happened. Lifting his hand, Steve watched the live image of his best friend sleeping peacefully, a direct contrast to the shaken man who had reached out for help. Reached out to someone who wasn’t Steve. He’d be lying if he tried to say some part of that didn’t sting but he was a big enough person to recognize that helping Bucky was so much more important than stroking his own ego even if he did still feel like the ground was shaky between them after everything that had happened. Watching the man now, he certainly couldn’t deny that whatever the hell just happened seemed to have helped. Bucky hadn’t looked so at peace since he’d volunteered to go back in to cryo while the Wakandans figured out a way to help him.

Movement from the opposite corner of the room drew Steve’s eye and when he glanced over he found Natasha sitting primly with both eyebrows raised in question. Not having much of an explanation, he could only give her a helpless one-shoulder shrug. They held each others’ gazes in matching confusion for several beats until Steve turned to look back at where Sam lay, asleep and content, slumped against the wall. He was definitely going to wake up to an aching back.

And a whole lot of questions.

Unfortunately for Steve’s overwhelming curiosity, he was still self-aware enough to know he didn’t have the heart to wake Sam, not knowing that it was ultimately his own fault the other man was so tired. If he hadn’t shown up on Sam’s doorstep that day they wouldn’t both be here, on the run from their own country, unable to call home to the people they cared about, worn to the bone from running and fighting and hiding themselves away in whatever dingy hole they found to crash in for a night or two. No, Steve would not be the one to disturb any rest his friend managed to find.

“You gonna hang up some time this century?” Natasha’s voice murmured through the shadows.

“Oh, yeah, I probably should.”

She watched him do so with what was probably an all too obvious reluctance. Then she grinned. “We’re giving him the third degree tomorrow, right?”

“Absolutely.”

“So many questions. I need to know absolutely everything that led to Sam Wilson telling the Winter Soldier bedtime stories. Everything.”

“That was weird, right?” Steve ran a hand through his hair, absently noting a tremble in the fingers. “We should probably get some sleep too. I mean, you try. Don’t think I’ll be able to get any.”

Natasha unfolded herself from the floor with the corners of her mouth curling up in a little smirk he couldn’t bring himself to look away from. “No, I think I’ll be fine. Let’s go get some coffee. We’ll coordinate our plan of attack for when this guy gets back to the land of the living.” She jerked one thumb at Sam’s form and Steve finally had to peel his eyes away just to hold in the laughter that wanted to spill out.

“Alright. Yeah. Coffee. And a plan of attack. Sounds good to me.”

“What was it they called you? The star spangled man with a plan?”

Steve groaned and covered his eyes with the hand not still holding his phone. “Please tell me there’s no surviving footage of me prancing around on stage in tights.”

“Why would I need footage when I get front row seats every time you suit up?” Natasha sauntered away from him, probably - definitely - aware exactly what shade of red she’d just left on his face. Front row seats indeed. He certainly didn’t mind his own front row seat whenever he had the chance and the times Natasha had to join them out here on the run from their own government gave him plenty of chances.

One last look at his phone made him smile before Steve slipped it in to his pocket and gently clapped both hands together, rubbing his palms back and forth. Coffee did sound good. Coffee with Natasha while they figured out exactly how much hell to give Sam over how he was apparently reading bedtime stories for a man he hadn’t said two words about in all the time since they’d left Wakanda. This was going to be fun.

#rae writes #sambucky #winterfalcon #sam #bucky #steve #natasha #fanfiction #mcu #i already have a companion piece almost done...#i did warn y'all to expect more sambucky #the world is not soft and so my writing will be

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heyheyloki · 4 years

Text

Scary Love

Summary: You spend the day with Steve Rogers only to run into an unwelcome character.

Steve Rogers x M!Reader

Word Count: 1826

Being an Avenger, you got to meet some amazing people. From the billionaire Tony Stark to the infamous Bruce Banner, all of them gained your favor in ways you couldn’t help but be grateful for. They’ve been there for you as you have been for them, rough patches that would have been seen to past you as catastrophic seemed manageable now that they were around. However, out of all of them you grew the closest to Steve Rogers and Tony Stark. The two were complete opposites, and yet you enjoyed both of their personalities on a level that you couldn’t quite grasp.

Both have almost been like your rock, able to bring you down from intense emotions and help you not lash out. Your powers weren’t like Banner’s though, not at all close. The only similarity between the two was a science experiment gone wrong. He gained the Hulk, you gained the ability to burn as hot as the sun, completely set your body on fire without no repercussions.

Everyone always talked about how cool your powers were, and Tony even wanted to do a bit of research on you, which you agreed to. Though, not everyone shared their opinions. Your recent ex certainty didn’t. Hell, he almost threw an entire fit when he found out since you try to keep your identity a secret when working with the Avengers. He threatened you, and even some of your friends calling you and them ‘freaks’. After that, you haven’t felt the need to get into a relationship, but instead spend some time with friends.

“Hey, Steve, you almost ready?” You asked as you phoned the super solider who was currently getting his bike from the garage.

“Yeah, get down here before traffic starts.” He said before hanging up from his end.

Today was a free day from any missions and or extraterrestrial beings trying to take over the planet, so you asked Steve the day before to come to the mall with you. You didn’t have anything set in mind that you wanted to pick up since in truth, you just wanted to hang out with the super solider without the company of any of the others around. After all, you could tell he was getting a little uncomfortable with their recent jokes. You found them quite amusing, and you even joined in the fun from time to time. However, after a couple of days, you noticed how he looked when the other joked about his supposed crush on you.

You didn’t think about it much, and when you didn’t you couldn’t help but brush it off. Sure, your heart would speed up a little at the thought of him actually liking you in a romantic nature, but you knew deep down it would never happen.

By the time the both of you got the mall it was around noon. Both of you weren’t exactly looking to eat at the moment, so you both came to the agreement of looking around for an hour being heading to the food court.

You decided to head into an all male clothing store first. It was one of your favorites and had some amazing t-shirts that actually fit you well.

“How about this?” You asked as you held the shirt up to your body for Steve to judge.

“It’s nice,” he answered causally. Though, his eyes followed your hands as you pulled out a see through laced shirt. The joking smile on your face was obvious, but Captain America himself couldn’t help but picture you in that within his mind.

“How about this? Or is it too flashy?” You laughed before putting the item away. Honestly, you would have liked to try it on but you knew you would probably never wear it. You let out a sigh before grabbing another item and heading towards the changing room, leaving Steve behind.

By the time an hour passed, you both ended up grabbing some food by the food court. You took a seat far from others so no one would disturb you both.

“You know, the hat isn’t that big of a disguise.” You hummed out as you placed a french fry in your mouth.

“Do you have any other recommendations then? Cause this seems to get the job done,” he snapped back with a teasing smile that made you chuckle.

“Nah, but I mean,” you trailed off before standing up from your chair. You kept eye contact with the super soldier as your hand came up to the hat, lowering it an inch to truly hide his face better. “It’s more effective like that.”

Steve stared at you with an aimless stare before mumbling out, “If you say so.”

You smiled as you sat back down in your seat. It was a good time spent chatting with your friend and enjoying the food you bought. Though, that was outlived when your eyes caught a person that walked past Steve. He was with a group of friends, and his eyes only made contact with yours for a moment. However, in that moment, fear ran through your veins more than when Ultron ran around. Your instincts kicked in without hesitation and stood up from your chair in an abrupt manner.

It alerted Steve instantly, and when he was about ask you what was wrong, he noticed the fear in your eyes. It was unlike anything he’s seen before, and in that moment, he asked no questions. Instead, he followed you. Kept by your side and always looked over his shoulder. He didn’t notice anyone in the beginning, but after around ten minutes of walking around without a destination, he noticed a familiar face. A face that belonged to your ex. It was then that he understood your actions and asked lowly, “Do you wanna leave?”

You wasted no time answering. “No, I just want to lose him.”

“Okay, then we’ll do that.”

Both of you continued to walk, not run. You entered a few stores as well, but no luck. When it came to switching floors, you came up dry as well. What was worse was that it wasn’t just him, but his friends as well.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you and Steve started to ride the escalator down towards the first floor. Your mind raced with ideas on how to get out of this damned place, hell, you even debated just using your powers to get the hell out of there.

Though, as you were in your head, you completely missed a certain someone getting on the other escalator. When you did notice, your brain completely froze. It was like everything you were thinking stopped as if someone slammed on the breaks.

Your immediately turned around to face Steve who was taller than normal thanks to the steps. You could see the uncertainty in his eyes when you faced him, and you were unsure why these words left your mouth, but they did.

“Kiss me.”

“What?” He asked with a shaken tone.

“Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, they do.”

Your heart beat faster as you leaned in. You weren’t too sure if it was from almost being caught by your ex’s friends or because your lips were about to come in contact with Steves’. Though, when your lips locked with his, you definitely knew it was because of the kiss. You could feel how tense he was, even more so when you noticed how he didn’t take any lead. You moved yours slowly, telling him it was okay. When he got that, you noticed his attempts to kiss you back. However, they all still felt like he was standing on broken glass.

After a second or two, you broke away. Your eyes moved over to see your ex’s friend a bit higher up than you now, your lips releasing a heavy sigh in turn.

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” You hummed out before turning back around to get off the escalator.

Steve followed close behind you before saying, “That wouldn’t be the exact term I’d use.”

A thick layer of silence rested between Steve and you from there on out. Honestly, you thought it would be best to wait it out until tomorrow to talk about it, but sadly the odds weren’t in your favor.

You had completely forgotten about the movie night that took place every other Friday at Avengers Tower. To add even more unluckiness to your cards, you and Steve were the only ones without a job in this week’s rotation. So, you both sat in the living room, alone and with a spread of movies in front of you curtesy of Tony Stark.

You kept your hands locked together in the middle of your lap as you gazed down at the movie selection, making sure your eyes kept away from Steve. It wasn’t like you were embarrassed about it happening, but more so embarrassed about how it made you feel. It wasn’t like he was a new friend that you possibly had a chance with. No, this was your best friend who you’ve been with for years. A best friend that you listened to when he came out of the ice and his love from over 70 years ago. You knew he talked about her less nowadays, but you shouldn’t believe because of that he was over her.

“Steve,” you hummed out. Your guilty heart beating faster as your palms began to sweat.

“Yeah?”

You sighed and finally took up the strength to look up at him, though for a second you swore you saw the Captain America actually flinch at meeting your gaze. But, you just assumed that was your imagination.

“I have a question, and you don’t have to answer it but I feel like if you do you kinda are answering it, yanno?” You rambled on, your words flooding out of you without stopping until Steve rolled his eyes in a playful manner and asked, “What?”

Your gaze never left Steves’. Let it be true or fabricated confidence, you didn’t let up. Even as the words left past your lips you wanted, needed to see how his face looked as he thought about your words.

“Was that your first kiss since 1945?” You asked, your gaze digging into Steve’s head as you watched his calm expression change before your eyes into a mix of something close to embarrassment and anxiousness.

“That bad, huh?”

Your eyes widened a bit as you instantly placed your hands in front of you, waving them slowly. “I didn’t say that!”

“It sounded like it.”

“I didn’t mean for it to. I was just curious.”

Silence struck once more. It wasn’t like before, you thought. This time it was more uneasy, more undecided, and the one thing you couldn’t deny was the immeasurable tension. For once, you broke your composure and gazed away from Steve before taking a bold move of simply inching a bit closer to the super soldier.

“It wasn’t bad yanno,” you suddenly said as you leaned your head against his upper arm.

You could feel his muscles tighten for a moment before completely relaxing when he said, “Yeah, it wasn’t.”

#x male reader #male reader #marvel #steve rogers x male reader #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #captain america #captain america x reader #captain america x male reader #marvel x male reader #marvel x reader

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invisibleanonymousmonsters · 4 years

Text

Non-Sequential [Ch. 28]

Pairing: Pre-Serum Steve Rogers/Steve Rogers x Reader

One night, Steve Rogers met a beautiful dame named Y/N. He hadn’t intended on letting her get away. But fate had other ideas. Y/N appeared and disappeared in his life so hauntingly that Steve started to wonder if she was an angel meant to watch over him.

Word Count: 2,300

Chapter 27

The Battle of Wakanda was simultaneously the shortest and longest day of Steve Rogers’ life.

The dog-like aliens were released in too many droves, making Steve believe they would never stop attacking. Even if Shuri was successful in detaching the stone from Vision, would destroying it even stop these monsters? But Steve didn’t have time to think about that.

Thor’s arrival felt like a blink to Steve. He didn’t have time to process the return of his long-lost friend. The two of them were too busy trying to survive. But Steve somehow seemed to sense the personal ties Thor had in this war.

Steve started to come to on the forest floor. His body quick to recover from being knocked unconscious by Thanos. But it wasn’t fast enough.

He slowly got to his feet and looked up to find Thor pressing his axe into Thanos’ chest. But for some reason, Steve knew it was too soon to celebrate a victory. Something felt off.

“Nooo!” Thor bellowed just before Thanos snapped his fingers.

A flash blinded Steve as he tried to move forward.

When he regained his vision, Thanos fell backwards into a portal and disappeared.

Steve clutched his side as he made his way to Thor. “Where’d he go?”

Thor said nothing, just remained in a daze and breathed heavily.

“Thor?” Steve begged. “Where’d he go?”

“Steve?” Bucky’s voice begged for his attention.

But when Steve looked over, Bucky’s body was already disappearing, turning into ash.

With utter shock, Steve slinked to the pile of ash that once was his best friend.

Him and Thor shared a look, finally understanding what was happening.

Everyone regrouped. Well… not everyone.

Steve went to Visions body, colorless and lifeless. The stone was missing from his forehead, proving what they were already figuring out.

“What is this?” Rhodey asked. “What the hell is happening?”

Steve breathed deeply as it all finally made sense. “Oh, God.”

Then her face flashed in his mind.

“Y/N,” he gasped and jumped to his feet.

“Steve…” Nat called after him, but there was no life in her voice. She just sounded scared.

All the injuries he had meant nothing to him now as he sprinted back to the palace at super-soldier speed. It didn’t matter how much his body hurt and protested. All that mattered was getting to her.

He ignored the panicked looks and the various piles of ash that were scattered across the palace hallways.

He shoved his shoulder against the doors of the wing that protected the royal family and Y/N.

When he entered, the Queen Mother whipped around with tears in her eyes.

Steve’s eyes raced around the room, looking for her. “Y/N!” He yelled.

But when he did not find her or receive an answer, his gaze returned to Ramonda.

She simply shook her head.

“No,” Steve whispered as he shook his head. “No.”

“She’s gone,” Ramonda gasped. “Shuri and her...a-and the rest of them.”

First his best friend and now the love of his life.

Tears filled his eyes.

He left, needing to go to her room. Despite the Queen Mother’s words, Steve’s heart wouldn’t believe her. She couldn’t be gone. It could not be true.

But what he found was an empty bedroom. Clean and barren.

It took a second glance around the room to see the envelope that lay waiting on her nightstand.

Steve didn’t know how it caught his eye when he was having a breakdown.

He saw his name written on it – just Steve. But it was Y/N’s handwriting.

His hand shook as he reached out to pick it up.

He already knew what he was going to find waiting for him inside the envelope.

Y/N knew this was coming. She had seen it. Kept the secret hidden as her own burden to bare. Letting everyone else live in blissful ignorance.

Steve,

By the time you find this, I’m sure you will have figured out what has happened. Thanos was successful. And with his success I have been taken from you.

You have also already realized that I knew this was going to happen. I’ve known for…Well, it doesn’t matter how long I’ve known.

I’m sorry I didn’t warn you. I knew it would destroy you, and maybe it would’ve destroyed us. Is it selfish that I just wanted our time together to be spent without the dread of the future looming over our heads?

I know this is not the goodbye you want or need. But this is all we could have.

Steve, I love you. I love you more than I could ever put into words. You know they aren’t my strong suit. But I hope I made you feel that love.

I know you, Steve. I know you will be OK. You were always stronger than me. You can survive missing me, but I would’ve never survived missing you.

I love you, Steve.

Please don’t forget me.

Steve turned the page over, expecting to find more written.

But that was it.

He wanted more. He needed it. It was a goodbye, but why did he feel like something was missing or that something was off?

The next couple of days were a blur. He hid his feelings. The team needed him. They didn’t need a broken Steve Rogers; they needed Captain America. He wasn’t the only person that lost someone. They all had.

The team decided to return to the compound in New York, regroup and make a plan. Then they discovered Fury’s pager and Carol Danvers explained her relation to it, and Steve allowed himself to feel hope.

But their attack ended in disappointment.

Steve knew in hindsight that it made sense: Y/N wouldn’t have written him a letter saying goodbye if they could bring the world back in a few days.

The solution wasn’t that easy… if there even was a solution.

Now Steve sat on the dock on the lake. The compound’s lights weren’t lit like before – well, everything – making it easier to actually see the stars.

He heard her walking up behind him. But he wasn’t really in the mood for talking. Maybe if he pretended she wasn’t there, she wouldn’t try to engage.

But she’s not one to back down like that.

Nat sat down next to him on the dock, dipping her barefoot into the lake.

“I think I’m going to…get out of here. Thinking about Brooklyn.” Steve spoke first.

“Steve…” She started.

“I can’t stay here, Nat. Everything reminds me of her. The grass on that lawn? Every time I look at it, I think of the night she met me. When I walk into that kitchen, I’m still convinced she’s going to be standing in there waiting for me with a mug of coffee in her hands.”

“So, that’s it? The Avengers are no more?” She challenged.

“We lost, Nat.”

“It was just lost one war, Steve. There will be others. There already are. Carol says–”

But Steve whipped his head to look at her. “We didn’t just lose a war,” he snapped. “I lost everything!” Then he controlled his temper. “She was everything,” he muttered as he looked back onto water.

Nat didn’t say anything more, already knowing when Steve made up his mind, there was no changing it. The only person more stubborn than him was Tony.

“Have you found him yet?” Steve asked her carefully.

She shook her head. “His house arrest bracelet was cut, which can only mean he survived. And there was a call to the compound just minutes after the snap.” Her eyes started watering. “I know he’s out there. But I think Laura and the kids…” She couldn’t even bring herself to say it.

“You shouldn’t stay here,” Steve told her as he looked back at the compound. It was empty and looked lifeless. The agents and scientists that once busied the space were either snapped or had gone back to what family and friends they had left.

Nat ignored his statement.

“Thor’s left. Bruce is acting strange. Tony has clung to Pepper. Rhodey is going back to DC. You shouldn’t be here by yourself, Nat.”

“So, where should I go? To New York City with you?” She challenged.

“Is that such a terrible idea?” He asked.

“I can’t, Steve. I can still help people. I know I can.”

He stood up. “You know…there are other ways to do that than just this.”

———————

Some Time Later…

Steve’s eyes snapped open when he heard the intruder.

His apartment had been restored to keep the character from the time period he was truly from, while being updated enough to be accepted and functional in modern society. But with it came squeaky floorboards and sometimes lack of soundproofing.

But that just meant that there was no mistaking when there was some other presence in his home.

He slipped out of bed completely silent.

Steve didn’t have his shield, but he doubt he would need it to defend himself from a thief.

Crime had skyrocketed since the snap. Turned out that Thanos’ mission didn’t include only ridding the world of bad people. Some took advantage of the world’s vulnerable state, stealing and killing and assaulting others.

But when Steve peaked around the corner, he didn’t find a burglar.

“It’s just me,” she said gently.

Immediately recognizing the voice, Steve rushed around the corner.

Y/N was waiting for him with the blanket from the couch wrapped around her naked body.

Before she even had a chance to say his name or a hello, Steve was pulling her into his arms. The gesture wasn’t uncommon for him, but it still took her by surprise a bit.

“Hi,” she breathed into his shoulder.

He pulled back a bit, “Hi.”

His eyes and body language were now uncertain.

And Y/N knew why: he was trying to figure out what she knew and where she had come from.

“It’s after his snap?” She asked him quietly, proving that she already was aware and he didn’t have to be careful about what he said to her.

He just nodded sadly. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered.

Steve’s situation was simultaneously lucky and heartbreaking. Unlike his friends that survived, he got glimpses of the person he lost. Y/N’s time traveling that once felt like a curse was now a gift to Steve.

He got to hold her, to be reminded of how her skin felt and what she smelled like and how warm or cold her body felt against his.

Y/N leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. She didn’t want to think about when the last time that he felt her lips.

Steve blinks suddenly. “Sorry! Let me get you some clothes.”

Before she could stop him, he rushed back into his bedroom and started shuffling through drawers, determined to find Y/N’s favorite sweatpants and t-shirt of his.

When he looked up with the clothes in his hands, Y/N was leaning against the doorway with an appreciative grin.

She thanked him as she took the clothes from him.

Steve turned his back to give her some space to change, but he couldn’t find it in him to leave the room and truly give her privacy. He was scared she would disappear at any moment and he didn’t want to miss a second of her visit.

He heard Y/N giggle behind him. It sent a chill down his spine.

“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before, Steve. In fact, you see it quite often.”

He slowly turned to find her already dressed. He cleared his throat, “Sorry. It seems I’m not sure how to act around you anymore.”

She walked up to him and cupped his cheek. “You don’t have to be sorry, Steve.”

He nodded.

“You’re looking at me as if I’m a ghost,” she whispered to him.

And in a way, she was.

Her hands then went to his shoulders. He seemed to preen at her touch, so she’d give him as much of it as she possibly could.

“Can I ask you something?” He muttered.

Steve only said things like that when he was nearing a fine line, when he wanted to ask her something about her time traveling. Something that he already knew she wouldn’t want to tell him.

But Y/N nodded.

“When did you find out?”

He didn’t have to elaborate, Y/N knew what he was asking about.

“Not until I was living in Wakanda.” She kept it generic.

Steve seemed somewhat relieved by it. He couldn’t imagine Y/N keeping the secret of the apocalypse for longer that she already had. A couple years was still torture. But Steve had been imagining the worst, often thinking of a teenage Y/N learning of the end of the world, having it haunt her ever moment.

“I’m sorry,” Steve whimpered. “I’m sorry I didn’t save you.”

Y/N him to her. “Oh, Steve. Shh. There was nothing you could do.”

“I’ve lost so many innocent lives. And I used to tell myself that as long as I had you, I could bare that guilt. But once I lost you…”

Y/N shushed him again. “You’re a hero. No one has ever doubted that. But you’re still just a man, Steven Grant Rogers. And Thanos – Thanos was a titan. A titan with the most powerful weapon in the universe. None of you stood a chance.”

Steve nodded, but she knew it would take more than a few words from her to convince him of that.

“I wish you could stay,” he muttered.

She wiped away some of his tears that had escaped. “I wish I could, too.”

He pressed his forehead to hers and closed his eyes.

All the tension left him from just the feeling of her. His body hadn’t relaxed since the last time he’d properly held her in his arms – before the snap, before the Battle of Wakanda.

Nevertheless, when he opened his eyes again, Y/N was already gone. The sweatpants and t-shirt she had been wearing piled at his feet.

It was then that Steve wondered if he really was luckier than everyone. Because having to say goodbye to Y/N over and over and over again now felt like a different type of torture.

Maybe her visits were going to become his drug. In the end, they weren’t good for him. But he still craved them like his life depended on them.

-------------------

Chapter 29

Just want to clarify that I have not “returned” from my hiatus or to this tumblr in general.

Quite frankly this fandom has lost its fucking mind and I’m rather disgusted with the behavior I’ve seen in the past month or so.

No wonder all of the talented writers have left.

I’m only finishing this stupid series to clear my conscious. But I regretted looking back to see that while +2,500 people follow this series’ masterlist, the past few chapters have received 300 or less notes. And that, I tell you, is one of the reasons I hate it here.

#non-sequential #non-sequential series #non-sequential chapter 28 #steve rogers series #steve rogers fic #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #captain america series #steve rogers reader insert #captain america reader insert #captain america x reader #captain america x you #invisibleanonymousmonsters #invisible anonymous monster #steve rogers angst #steve rogers fluff

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wiypt-writes · 3 years

Text

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch 4. Low Flying Stationery

Summary: Steve realises that the only way out of the seeming hole he’s dug himself into is to come clean about his feelings to Katie, only that’s easier said than done.

Pairing: Steve Rogers X OFC Katie Stark

Warnings: Language! Angst and a pair of total dumbasses in love… A/N: Once again, a huge thank you to @angrybirdcr for her lovely little edit.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 3

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

“I went under, the world was at war, I wake up and they say we won. They didn’t say what we lost.”

“Yeah, well we’ve made some mistakes along the way. Some very recently…”

Steve woke up with a start, taking a deep breath as he blinked, coming out of his sleep addled haze. It didn’t take a genius to work out why his mind had taken him back to that particular moment in time, and it wasn’t wasted on him either that this time he was the one who had made the big assed mistake the night before…

Glancing at his clock, he decided that 5:00 am wasn’t too early, so he changed and headed out for a run, pounding his frustration out on the wet ground beneath his feet. He was so annoyed at himself for simply letting Katie walk out with no protest at all. He should have stopped her, gone after her, he realised that now.

It was official, he was the world’s biggest moron.

He knew now that the only way to salvage anything from this mess was to be honest, regardless of how she felt or didn’t feel as the case may be. So, as he thundered round past the Lincoln Memorial for the fourth time, he started to plan out exactly what he was going to say. By the time he got home an hour and a half later, and climbed into a scalding hot shower, he was feeling slightly more positive.

He just hoped she’d hear him out.

***** After a night of tossing and turning, alternating between being angry at herself and pissed at Steve, Katie had also been up at a ridiculous time, but unlike Steve she had curled up on her sofa with a film, counting the minutes down until it was an acceptable time to call her brother.

“Seven thirty AM?” Tony drawled as he answered. “You wet the bed?”

“Fuck off” She shot back “No, just had a shitty end to yesterday and thought I’d call to hear a friendly voice. Beginning to wonder why I bothered.”

“Bad day?” Tony’s voice softened “Ok Kiddo, I’m all ears.”

“Nah don’t wanna talk about it.” Katie said, and she didn’t. There was NO WAY she was telling Tony about Steve and whatever the hell nearly went down. That was a whole shit storm she didn’t want landing at Steve’s feet. “So what’s new with you?”

“Nothing much.” Tony sniffed.

“How’s things with you and Pepper? Still behaving?”

“I’m insulted you even asked me that.”

“I know you too well.” She chuckled.

“Well, if you really wanna know they’re going great. I’m thinking of taking her out to the Island in a couple of weeks. A dirty week away…”

“Ok too much information” she grimaced as Tony’s chuckle hit her ears “You’re nasty”

“I’m in love!” He said in a sing-song voice, making Katie roll her eyes.

“I never thought I’d see the day where you love someone more than yourself.”.

“What is this, Kiddo? Insult Tony day?” He scoffed making her laugh. “I love lots of things more than myself.”

“Yeah, like what?”

“You, Pepper…” the line was silent for a few seconds before he finished “Nope, that’s it.”

Katie laughed “I’m honoured.”

“So you should be, it’s a very hard list to make.”

They talked for another half an hour about all sorts of crap, Katie simply happy to hear her brother’s voice as it had been weeks since she’s seen him, far too long in her opinion. Eventually they both had to get ready for work so after breakfast and a shower she felt a little better although her stomach was still flipping slightly at the thought of seeing Steve. He’d messaged her a few times last night but she’d completely ignored him, and was feeling a little shitty about it now, if she was honest.

But, there was nothing she could do except apologise and hopefully they could move on and in time forget it.

When she walked into the Tactical Ops Office, Clint and Natasha were already in there, eating a pastry each, both with a coffee in hand and she was touched, as always, to see one waiting on her desk for her. But not touched enough to let Barton get away with using her desk as a foot rest.

“Get your feet down…” Katie slapped at his legs.

“Rude,” he muttered, removing them and placing his feet on the floor. “I bought you coffee.”

“Which is both appreciated and needed.” she pecked him on the cheek. “Thanks Hawkeye”

“You look like you aint slept all night.” Nat eyed Katie shrewdly as she shrugged off her coat “Who is he?”

“I should be so lucky” Katie mumbled dropping into her chair. She didn’t tell them that the reason she hadn’t slept all night was thanks to a certain blue eyed super soldier, but not because he was in bed with her, more so because he wasn’t.

“Better take a nap this afternoon then.” Clint pointed at her. “Want you on good form for the party.”

“What party?” Katie frowned.

“Rumlow’s 40th…”

She groaned. “That’s tonight?”

“Yeah.” Clint nodded, before he let out a snort as he looked over his shoulder at Nat “Now this is gonna be interesting.”

“What?” Katie frowned

“He’s referring to the fact I’ve been planning an outfit for a few days…” Nat yawned, examining her nails.

“Yeah and seeing you try and figure one out in a few hours, Nova, is gonna be amazing…”

“Not like I’m short of options,” Katie shrugged “I mean half the shit in my closet hasn’t seen the light of day in years.”

“You can always gift it to me.” Natasha quipped back

“Speaking of gifts, has anyone done a collection for dearest Brock?” Clint looked around. “I mean it is his 40th party after all, we should probably get him something…”

“Like what?” Nat asked.

“I dunno. What’s he into?” Clint pondered.

“I know what he’d like to get into.” Nat responded with a smirk. “Nova’s pants…”

At that Clint let out a bark of a laugh just as Steve walked through the door, expertly catching the pencil that Katie threw at the Archer.

“Beware low flying stationery.” Steve quipped as casually as he could, tossing the item onto the desk in front of Clint who leaned back in his chair, putting his feet back on the surface. Steve locked eyes with Katie for a second and he saw her take a deep, steadying breath before she looked over at Clint as he responded to Steve’s joke.

“It wasn’t flying, it was thrown.” he smirked. “Just Stark here getting a little upset about Nat’s joke.”

“I wasn’t upset, it was just a shit joke.” Katie rolled her eyes

“But it’s true, that’s what’s so funny!” Clint snorted “Admit it, you know he’s after a bit…”

“Can we just change the subject, please?” Katie groaned, turning to the keyboard on her desk. She could feel Steve’s eyes burning into her back as she tried to concentrate on the screen, ignoring him.

“You coming tonight Cap?” Clint asked

“Rumlow’s 40th?” Steve asked and Clint nodded

“Did everyone remember except me?” Katie looked round.

“Pretty much.” Nat nodded

Katie scowled.

“You’re a proper little ray of sunlight today.” Clint snorted at the expression on her face.

“I told you I’m tired.”

“Try going to bed and sleeping.” Nat quipped and this time it was a highlighter pen that flew across the room.

“Carry on and it will be a stapler.” Katie frowned. “I was alone, thank you. Unless you count my pillow.”

Steve looked down at his feet

“Was the pillow good?” Clint asked, and she glared at him, picking up the stapler as he laughed, holding his hands up.

“Anyway, Romanoff…” Steve deftly changed the subject as Katie slammed the stapler back down. “You ready for ops drill or…”

Nat groaned and pushed her chair back across the floor with a scrape. “Slave driver…catch you later Stark”

“Yeah see ya…” Katie didn’t bother turning round.

“I’m due on the range in 10 with the new recruits so…” Clint stood up and followed Nat before he stopped and turned back, glancing over his shoulder again before he spoke.

“Listen, don’t tell Widow I asked this but what’s the dress code for tonight? I better start sorting out what I’m wearing whilst I get chance…”

Katie stopped before she turned slowly in her seat and smirked up at him, raising an eyebrow.

“You hypocrite! It’s smart casual and if you don’t want me to tell Nat, it’ll cost you a beer”

“A beer for your silence… why haven’t we done this trade before?”

“Fuck off!” she flicked him the finger as he disappeared out of the office leaving Steve and her alone.

“Hey.” He spoke gently, testing the water “You alright?”

“Yeah” she nodded, looking up at him and he smiled, that fucking smile again and she cleared her throat. “Honestly I’m just tired.”

“You ran out on me.” he pointed out, studying her face.

“You didn’t exactly stop me Steve.” she shot back and he sighed.

“I know.” he swallowed “But you could have messaged me back.”

“Sorry, I was just…” Katie ran her hand over her face. “Actually, I don’t know what I was to be honest.”

There was a pause, a little awkward silence filling the room before Steve took a deep breath.

“Listen.” he began, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “About last night, what…well, what nearly happened. I err, I wanted to say that I-”

“It’s fine.” Katie cut him off quickly. “I get it, it was an emotional day and there was a lot for you to process and deal with. I mean, I was all over the place so I expect you were too. Guess we just…”

She trailed off and something inside Steve died a little. She’d felt sorry for him, that was the only reason they’d shared that moment. He struggled to keep his face straight as he shrugged, looking down at his hands, all thoughts of his planned speech flying out of his head.

“We’re okay, right?” Katie looked at him, and he glanced up, smile fixed on his face.

“Sure” he nodded, hopping off the desk. “Listen, I need to…” he pointed to the door.

“Yeah, course. I have a tonne of stuff to do anyway. I wanna get home in time for a nap”

He chuckled. “So I’ll err, see you tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah, see you there.”

Katie watched him leave and as soon as he was clear of the room Katie took a shaky breath trying to stem the tears that were threatening once more to pour down her cheeks.

******

A wave of sound, both music and the noise of chatter hit Steve’s ears the minute he opened the door. He spotted Nat and Clint leaned against the bar and after saying hi to Rumlow and anyone else who greeted him he made his way over to the other two avengers and smiled.

“Hey Cap” Clint said, clapping him on his shoulder. “Beer?”

“Thanks Barton.”

Clint ordered his drink as Steve glanced around the room, looking for that familiar shock of brunette.

“She’s not here yet.” Nat drawled and he looked at her.

“Right.” He nodded simply, accepting the beer.

“Nice shirt” Clint grinned and Steve glanced down.

“Very modern.” Nat said,

“Romanoff,” Steve rolled his eyes. “You’re a pain in my ass…”

“She’s a pain in everyone’s ass.” Clint shrugged and Nat simply quirked an eyebrow at him as Steve gave a small chuckle, taking a slug of his beer.

“It’s one of my more endearing qualities.” she quipped.

Clint opened his mouth to say something but stopped as his eyes fell on someone and he smiled. Steve turned slightly to follow his gaze to see Katie making her way over towards them and boy, he had to stop his mouth falling open because she looked amazing. Tight black jeans, patent red heels and a sleeveless red top that plunged down her cleavage and tightened in to her waist before flaring out slightly. Her make up looked different, it was still light but she’d done something to her eye lids as they shimmered with a gold colour that made her eyes stand out even more.

Clint dropped a kiss to her cheek when she reached his side and Steve got a sudden hit of her perfume, the underlying floral tones that he associated with her, and he took a deep breath.

“About time…” Clint smiled at Katie. “We thought you had got lost.”

“Yeah, sorry I needed a nap.” she shrugged, nodding to Natasha and Steve.

“You want a drink?” Clint turned back to the bar waving at the tender.

“Yeah, I’ll have a gin thanks.”

“I like this.” Nat mused, her hand toying with the hem of her top. “New?”

“No, I dug it out from the doldrums of my closet.” she smiled, thanking Clint for the drink as he handed it to her. “I told you, I forget what’s in there sometimes.”

“Must be hard being so rich you can afford that many clothes you forget what you have.” Nat smirked, and Katie flipped her off drawing a snort from the red head.

“Table over there.” Clint spoke, nodding over to the right. “Shall we?”

The four of them made their way over and settled into a comfortable conversation as normal, but both Katie and Steve were ridiculously aware of one another. The smells of cologne and perfume, the feel of his shirt clad arm as it brushed against hers when he moved, her laugh which rang out over the table…

It was torture for them both.

After four rounds of drinks however, Katie had started to relax a little, dare she even say enjoy herself, so it was bound to be a matter of time before something else went wrong.

And it did, in spectacular fashion.

“Who’s round is it?” Clint announced “I’m ready for some shots…”

“Mine, I think.” Katie glanced round for one of the guys who was providing table service, when someone talking to Rumlow caught her attention. Tall, short dark hair, dark denim jeans and a white shirt. To most of the people in the room, the back of that man could have been anyone. But to Katie, well, she knew instantly who it was.

And her good mood sank as fast as it had been rising.

“Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me.” She mumbled. Steve, who had felt her tense next to him, looked down at her as Natasha frowned.

“What?”

“Ward’s here…”

Clint’s hand slipped and he almost sent the remainder of his beer flying as he scanned the room, his eyes narrowing.

“Ward as in, your ex Ward?” Steve asked, feeling the heat rise in his neck. She nodded and across the table Clint started grinding his teeth in a combination of anger and irritation.

Katie watched the back of her ex’s head, and then he turned to look around the room and their eyes locked. His mouth fell open slightly before he composed himself, and turned back to talk to Rumlow, running his hand through his hair, the way he always did when he was trying to act cool.

Katie snorted and turned back to the table.

“Want me to go punch him?” Clint leaned over towards her. “Because I’d really like to.”

Steve found himself thinking that was a great idea but Katie shook her head.

“Just ignore him. I am.”

*****

After three further gin and tonics and two tequilas had worked their way through her system Katie excused herself and headed out to the bathroom. Once she was gone, Clint shook his head.

“I cannot believe that fucking prick showed up.” He growled, waiving the waiter over. “Damned it I hate him.”

“I gathered.” Steve smirked as Clint ordered another round of drinks.

“I mean…what the fuck…why is he even here?” the archer continued to rant and Nat gently laid a hand on hi arm.

“Clint, don’t you think you’re overreacting a little?” She soothed.

“You didn’t see her Nat, that night when she caught him…she was a mess.”

“So was his car.” Natasha grinned and Clint snorted.

“His car?” Steve asked.

“Yeah…” Clint gave a small laugh. “She smashed up the body work…and I left four arrows in his tyres.”

Steve felt a surge of affection the archer as he took a deep breath, looking around. There was no sign of Katie, or Ward. Something seemed a little off, like things weren’t quite right…

“I’m gonna go check if she’s okay” he stood up, missing the glance that Natasha and Clint shared.

As it happens, Katie wasn’t ok. Nothing about walking out of the bathroom and bumping, literally, into your cheating fucker ex was ever going to be ok.

“Hi K.” Ward said, as his hands gently grabbed round her arms steadying her, his familiar smell washed over her senses. She pulled back immediately, shaking off his grip.

“Don’t call me that.”

He sighed “C’mon…”

“What do you want, Grant?”

“Hey, you bumped into me.” He chuckled. “You look amazing by the way.”

She snorted, and looked away.

“Look, I just wanted to say, well, I hate how we left things, you know? And I…”

“How we left thigs?” Katie’s eyes locked back onto his as she let out a sarcastic laugh. “The only thing I left was your apartment after finding you in bed with some blond bimbo.”

“The biggest mistake of my life.” Grant sighed, “I honestly mean that…”

“Is this the part where you say sorry for cheating on me and beg for my forgiveness?” Katie watched as the dark brown eyes that she had once found irresistible bore into hers and she felt the anger simmering again. She’d worked so long to get this man out of her system, but here he was, daring to try and smarm her into accepting an apology. The sheer audacity of it was making her want to scream.

“I am sorry. I genuinely am…”

“You’re sorry you got caught. There’s a difference.”

“No, that’s not it.” Grant shook his head. “There hasn’t been a single day where I haven’t thought about you and how I fucked up.”

He ran his hand through his hair and Katie shook her head.

“Let’s be honest, she wasn’t the first was she?” She looked up at him. Grant dropped his head and that was all the confirmation she needed. “Our relationship, it was a car crash.”

“I loved you.”

“Seriously? You’re trying that one?” She looked at him, and then burst out laughing. “Oh Jesus…” She shook her head in disbelief and made to walk round him but he grabbed her arm.

“What’s so funny?”

“Let go of me.”

“I asked you a question…”

“And she asked you to let her go.” A familiar voice said and Katie looked up to see Steve stood in the corridor, hands on his belt buckle as the door to the main bar area swung shut behind him, causing the loud background noise to fade slightly. “She won’t need to ask again.”

“Sorry…I…” Ward, let go of her arm as he composed himself and extended his arm in greeting. “Captain Rogers. We haven’t been formally introduced. I’m-“

“I know who you are, Agent Ward” Steve looked at him, not even moving to take the man’s proffered hand, and he saw Ward’s jaw twitch, as his arm dropped back to his side, fist balling and unballing.

“I see. ” Ward raised an eyebrow, looking from Katie, to Steve and he took a deep breath and nodded. “I meant what I said. I really am sorry.”

Katie didn’t reply, simply watched him leave as he brushed past Steve who moved to the side to let him pass, but only after shooting him one last contemptuous look before the Captain turned back to Katie.

“Are you ok? Did he hurt you?” Steve asked her, stepping forward, noting she was rubbing the place on her arm where Ward’s hand had gripped.

“Hurt me?” she frowned.

“Yeah, your arm.” He nodded to it.

“Oh, no.” she said, shaking her head as her hand moved. “That was just weird.”

“Weird?”

“Yeah, I mean, well for so long I thought about what I’d say to him when I eventually did see him again, you know, how much he hurt me, broke my heart, but right then when I got the opportunity, I realised I actually don’t give a shit anymore.”

Steve smiled. “Good, I’m glad he didn’t upset you.” There was a pause before he gestured over his shoulder. “You err, you wanna go back in?”

“Do you think anyone would notice if I left?” She shrugged. “I don’t wanna be here anymore and there’s a bottle of wine and a pint of ice cream at home with my name on it”

“What Ice cream?” Steve asked, looking at her, raising his brow hopefully and she shook her head, chuckling.

“Mint choc chip.” she looked at him, before she turned to head towards the door of the bar before she stopped, and spoke again, without looking back. “Suppose I can share.”

With that she pushed the door open and Steve grinned, following her out.

*********

“I don’t know why you wear shoes so high if you can’t walk in them?” Steve snorted as Katie let out a groan, kicking her shoes off as soon as they stepped out of the elevator.

“Because they look good.” She shrugged. “I’m just gonna get changed, won’t be long. Grab yourself a drink.”

Whilst she was in the bedroom Steve did as he was told and grabbed a beer for himself, and poured Katie a glass of wine before carrying them into the lounge and setting them on the coffee table. He had to stop himself from staring when she walked back into the room, all long legs and thigh tattoo, in a pair of denim shorts and a hoody. She dropped heavily onto the sofa besides him, taking her wine and gulping down a large mouthful.

“You sure you’re ok?” he asked, looking at her.

“Stop asking me that, Steve.” She snapped. “I’m fine.”

“Sorry, I didn’t…”

“No, I’m sorry.” She shook her head. “That was uncalled for.” She looked at him and gave a soft smile. “I’m fine, honestly. And thank you, for being there before.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” Steve shook his head. “I care about you Katie, you know that. And, well, frankly, when I saw him with his hand on you, I wanted to smash his face into the wall.”

Katie let out a huff of laughter as she glanced at her wine glass. “You’ll have to get behind Tony in the queue.”

Steve looked down at his beer, before he took a deep breath. “The guy is a dick.” he said, tilting side on so his arm was over the back of the sofa behind her. “And I don’t mean that just because of tonight. If you were my girl I wouldn’t be looking twice at anyone else.”

Katie smiled, as she looked up at him. “That’s because you’re a gentleman.”

“No.” he shook his head, his blue eyes locking onto hers. “It’s because you’re worth so much more than that.”

“Sure.” she shrugged and Steve pressed his lips together in a firm line of frustration.

“Don’t…”

“What?” she frowned.

“Do that.“ he pressed.

“Do what?”

“Put yourself down. You do it all the time” he sighed.

“I don’t.” She swallowed, looking away.

“Yes, you do. You think so little of yourself but you shouldn’t. Katie, you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met” With that he took a deep breath, there was no going back now. The hand that wasn’t draped around the back of the sofa reached out and tangled in hers and as she raised her head to look at him, her eyes were filled with tears and he swallowed, his mouth feeling suddenly dry as the blood pounded in his ears, his heart beating so rapidly he thought it might burst through his chest.

He had to make her understand, just how deep his feeling went.

His right hand gently moved from the sofa back to the side of her jaw where he simply cupped her face and she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. When she opened them again, it was just in time to see his gaze flicker to her mouth, before he leaned forward, a movement that was slow and seemed to take forever, until his lips met hers in a soft, sweet kiss that set every single nerve in her body on edge.

Steve pulled away slightly, just enough so that he could look into her eyes, make sure she was okay with this, and finding nothing but eagerness on her part, he pressed his lips back to hers.

The entire world around them faded to nothing and they both relaxed as this time the kiss deepened slightly, his hand still cupping her cheek as he slid his tongue gently across her bottom lip. She obliged, opening her mouth slightly and at the touch of her tongue on his Steve felt a jolt of electricity surge up his spine. Eventually they broke away and Steve gently slid his nose along hers unable to keep the smile off his face as their foreheads rest together.

“Where did you learn to kiss like that, Captain Badass?” She whispered and he gave a chuckle.

“To be honest with you…” he sat up slightly, his right hand returning to where it had been before, resting on the back of the sofa “I don’t think I have until now.”

She grinned and tucked her hair behind her ear with a hand that was trembling from nerves, adrenaline and absolute pleasure at being kissed by the utter God of a man sat on her sofa.

“So err…” Steve licked his lips. “I know this might be a little late, so to speak after, well, erm, yeah, but I’d really like to take you out, you know, on a date?”

Katie blinked as he stuttered over his words, and suddenly became aware she was chewing on her lip. She felt heat in her cheeks as she looked at him and nodded, smiling softly. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

That crooked grin she knew and had come to love spread across his face.

“You free tomorrow?” he asked before hastily correcting himself “It’s Saturday, or is that too soon? We could always go next weekend instead if you want or-”

“Steve,” she cut him off, gently squeezing her fingers round his, “tomorrow is fine.”

“Great, tomorrow…that’s…great…” He trailed off as Katie held his gaze.

The air between them seemed to crackle and this time it was her that initiated the kiss. This one was slightly deeper, the fire in her belly was hotter and that naughty part of her would have loved nothing more than to throw her hands round his neck and pull him down on top of her. But Steve Rogers was nothing if not a gentleman, and she didn’t want to rush into anything. She’d waited too long for this to fuck it up by moving too fast. With that in mind she willed herself to pull away.

“So err, you wanna watch a film or…” She glanced at the TV.

“Yeah…” Steve gave a little chuckle, his eyebrows raising a little before he took a deep breath. “You need another drink?”

Katiee nodded and he hopped up off the sofa, taking her empty glass to top it up, frankly glad of the chance to cool down. He’d had to stop himself then from pushing her down on the couch, but he knew that wouldn’t be the right thing to do. He wanted to do this properly, it was too special to risk.

Katie flicked through the android box, and with a grin found the perfect film, one that was a comedy, not romance or action, something easy.

“The Sandlot?” Steve asked as he handed her the filled glass, reading the title on the screen. “It’s about baseball?”

“More about kids having adventures over summer but yeah, baseball features a lot. It’s funny, you’ll like it”

“Sure I will.” Steve said, as he settled down next to her.

She pressed play on the film, threw the remote onto the coffee table and lifted Steve’s arm, sliding into place beneath it, tucking herself in against his side with her legs curled up beneath her. It was something she’d done so many times before but this time, well it felt different. Steve pressed a kiss to her head before turning his attention back to the film, his arm draped over her shoulders, fingers gently tracing shapes on her upper arm.

They sat in the dark living room, watching the film, not another word shared. They both laughed, Steve grimacing at the Chewing Tobacco scene where the kids all vomited off the side of a fairground ride, it reminded him far too vividly of the time he had barfed after riding the Cyclone, and at the end when it showed one of the kids playing for the LA Dodgers Steve was the first one to break the comfortable silence, letting out a little snort.

“I still don’t like the fact they aint in Brooklyn any more”

“Really, you never mentioned it.” Katie said sarcastically, sitting up.

He rolled his eyes before he stretched. “I should be going.”

“Yeah, it is late.” Katie agreed, standing up as he did. “And I got a big date tomorrow.”

“Yeah” he asked, paying along as he walked to the door “Anyone I know?”

“Just some guy from work.” she shrugged. “He’s pretty hot but don’t tell him I said so.”

Steve laughed. “You’re a nightmare, you know that?” he smirked.

“Yeah but, you love it.” Katie shrugged as the elevator arrived.

“Yeah, I do.” Steve smiled softly, dropping a gentle kiss to her lips. “Goodnight, Doll.”

“Night Stevie.”

He squeezed her hand and stepped into the elevator and as soon as the doors had closed, a huge shit eating grin spread across both their faces.

***** Chapter 5

**Original Posting**

#stark spangled banner #steve rogers #steve rogers x ofc #steve rogers x original female character #katie stark #chris evans #chris evans characters

101 notes · View notes

kyber-crystal · 4 years

Text

Back To You

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: ~2.3k

Summary: In which he realizes he’s been chasing after the wrong girl all this time, and finally realizes who he’s really meant to be with in the end.

Warnings: angst, fluff ending lol

A/N: this is one of my older oneshots published on wattpad and I was too lazy to edit before publishing this, so I apologize for the shit writing loolll

"Peggy?"

"Steve? Is that really you?" Her jaw almost dropped to the ground in shock as she blinked several times, unable to believe what she was seeing.

"Yeah," the super soldier chuckles, quickly embracing her and pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead, "It's me."

"But how is it possible? I thought you were dead...that you wouldn't be able to come back..."

"We did it. We took down Thanos and his army, and the stones granted me the ability to time travel," he explained, "I knew I had to check on you to see if you were okay."

"I'm just glad you're back," Peggy mumbled into his chest as his arms wrapped around her tightly. "I'm so glad you're back."

But as time passed, an uneasy feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. He should be happy that he was finally with with the one woman who he thought he'd never see again, but something felt off. Why didn't it feel right?

If anything, he should've been as overwhelmed with joy as he was in the beginning compared to now, but he wasn’t.

He tried his hardest to ignore the one answer stuck in the back of his head and attempts to instead, focus on Peggy who's catching him up on what happened while he was gone over dinner.

"Steve? Are you alright?" she tilted her head to the side slightly. "Is something wrong?"

"What? No, I'm okay," he shook his head, "don't worry."

"Something's bothering you..." she pointed out as she took a sip of her coffee, "what is it? You know you can tell me anything."

"I can't," Steve exhaled, "it wouldn't do you any good."

"...It's about those you left behind, isn't it?" she guessed. "Your team...and Y/N, specifically..."

His silence was all Peggy needed to confirm the answer to her question.

"I know," she spoke softly, causing him to look up from his plate in surprise. "I've known all along."

"How did you..."

"I can tell by the look in your eyes. You still love her, and regret leaving her," she stated, "you wish to go back."

"I'm sorry-" he began.

"There's no need to be sorry," she reassured him, placing a hand on top of his, "it's okay. I'd rather have you be happy with the one you love the most instead of living out the rest of your life in guilt and regret. You can stay another night and get some rest, and leave tomorrow if you'd like."

"Thank you," he murmured.

The next day came and went, and after an exchange of goodbyes Steve was back with the Time Stone gripped in his hand, traveling back to the future that you were left behind in.

...

Six months have passed since he left.

Six months have passed since he broke your heart and left without an explanation.

Six months have passed since he went back in time to go be with Peggy Carter, and you were broken.

During that time, none of the team knew what they could possibly do to help and for once, even Sam and Bucky don't have any sarcastic comments to throw at you. Tony doesn't know what to do, either. Seeing the woman he'd mentored for so long fall to pieces over one man makes him wonder if there's something he didn't teach you correctly, if him not teaching you how not to let yourself go stir-crazy over almost losing the love of your life was the best idea or not.

He wonders if you'd felt this way all this time, but then he confirms that you did when he looks back to all the times you'd spent together and realized you had. And it was too late now, because he'd left. Gone without a trace.

You're all spending the weekend at Tony's cabin in the woods. While Clint, Natasha, Bucky, Peter and Pietro are roped into a tea party with Morgan and all her stuffed animals, you simply stood by the lake and stared blankly ahead at the view, wishing for him to come back; though you knew the chances of that happening weren't too high. For some reason, though, you refused to give up hope - you were in denial.

But a sudden whirring noise coming from the time machine makes everyone stop what they're doing. Your heart practically stops when you see an all-too familiar, broad-shouldered and muscular figure you thought you'd never see again step down from the platform.

"Cap?"

"Steve?"

"What are you doing here?"

The shock is evident in everyone else's expressions as they all gather around to welcome him back with warm greetings, but this quickly dies down when they notice the downcast look painted on his face as he clutches the green Time Stone in his hand.

"You left," you stated bitterly. "And now you decide to show up, all of a sudden? Is this some sort of sick joke?"

Steve makes his way towards you and you look down, refusing to meet his piercing gaze which you know will have your heart racing within seconds. He tries to take your hands in his but you quickly push them away, swallowing hard as you struggled to hold your tears back.

"Y/N, come on, look at me," he pleaded. "I'm sorry."

You bite your bottom lip and shake your head wildly, stuffing your hands in your jacket pockets. Your throat feels tight and constricted when you finally decide to look up at his crystal-clear blue eyes, those same eyes that had made contact with yours so many times over the years since you'd first joined the initiative. Those eyes that would never fail to make your heart skip a beat, no matter what happened.

Suddenly you can't breathe, the act of taking a simple breath growing more and more difficult by the second, the act of holding yourself back from breaking down into heaving sobs growing increasingly impossible.

"Why? Why did you have to leave me hanging like that? It's hard enough pretending to be friends with someone I'm so in love with, because every time I look at that person, all I see is everything I want to have," you choked out, "You left, Steve. You left without any explanation as to why the hell you were going back. And you're expecting me to forgive you that easily?"

"I made a mistake," he admitted with a pained expression on his face, "I thought I knew what I was doing, but I didn't. I thought I was doing the right thing by following my head, but I wasn't listening to my heart, that told me I was and always would be, in love with you."

"If you really cared, then you never would've left in the first place. She was your first choice, Steve, not me. If you really cared, it would've been the other way around. I thought maybe, you'd be the first one to ever care about me so deeply, but I guess I was wrong...and now I know how it feels to have someone else prioritized over you."

"Don't do this to me, Y/N," his voice cracks toward the end of his sentence, and the fact that you almost feel guilty for causing him to feel this way makes you sick to your stomach. "I love you. I made a mistake. I should've stayed instead of leaving you behind-"

"You broke my heart, Steve," your voice came out in barely a whisper, "I trusted you with everything I had, and you broke my heart. How am I supposed to forgive you now?"

"It was hard for me, too," he replied as a single tear slipped down his cheek and balled his hands into fists, "it was so damn hard, because at first I thought she was my everything and it broke me when I heard the news of her passing. I thought she was the one for me, and to get over her I had to keep reminding myself that she had been able to move on without lingering in her feelings, so there shouldn't be a reason why I can't do the same. She went on to have a family; a loving husband, children, and grandchildren...if we really were meant to be, I wouldn't have ended up where I am now, fighting alongside this team after being frozen for 70 years, and she wouldn't be old and on the verge of death when we reunited later on.

"It's true that she was the first girl I'd had it bad for, but I don't think I truly loved her. I didn't get to know her well enough before I went into the ice, and I think that's what sets things apart. I was too busy thinking about what could've been instead of what things were like now to know that truly loving someone means you went through hell and back together and stayed together no matter the circumstances, but that wasn't the case for her as the time we spent was cut short. It took me a long time to come to my senses and realize who I really needed in my life, and that I wasn't in love with her, but with you. The one who I was meant to be with was standing right in front of me, and I almost failed to realize that. I couldn't bring myself to stay when I was - and still am - hopelessly in love with you."

"Give me one reason," you whispered hoarsely, "give me one reason why I should believe you. Give me one reason why I shouldn't be doubtful of you leaving me again. Give me one reason why I shouldn't believe that you're going to hurt me."

Taking you completely by surprise, he leans down and kisses you in response, the feeling of his soft and warm lips against your own making you break down every wall you had built up in defense specifically to protect yourself from him. You then seem to completely forget about what's going on around you and in this instant, nothing matters. The aching in your chest doesn't matter. The way you feel as if you're going to fall apart and tear at the seams doesn't matter. The way your mind is screaming at you to stop and pull away because he's gonna break your heart again doesn't matter.

All that matters now is that you're kissing him, the Steve Rogers, his lips that are so insanely soft and tender they should be illegal in the first place. But you're too busy wrapped up in the blissful, electric feeling of how alive he makes you feel despite the fact that you felt like drowning in your heartache and pain. You're too busy reacting, your arms wrapping around his torso and pulling him closer to you, to realize that mere moments ago you were wishing you could feel anything other than romantic feelings for him.

As he pulls back, he reaches a hand out to your face and gently wipes the stray tears that had escaped away with his thumb, and it takes you every fibre of your being not to break down right then and there because you hated how much you cared but loved it at the same time. The more he lets his hand linger against your cheek, the more he holds you in his arms, he finds himself wanting to do this more, wanting to hold you longer and care for you and love you until the end of his days and that's when he realizes it. He's so in love, more than he'd ever been with anyone in his entire life and he doesn't want to let that go.

"Stop it," you mumbled, attempting to push yourself away from him but somehow ending up with your hands pressed against his chest as he tugged you back towards him again, his strong arms firmly snaking around your waist, "you're making me dizzy."

"I can't lose you again. Don't leave," he mumbled into your hair.. "I'm not going to lose you, because I already came far too close to that happening."

You made a sound sort of resembling a strangled sob and hold him as tightly as you could because you feared if you let go, he'd slip away from you again. And he rubs your back gently as your body shook with sobs that clawed their way up your throat and heart, whispering soothing words in your ear as he himself tries to hold back what feels like a seemingly endless flow of tears trapped behind his eyes.

At some point the tears stopped flowing and you just stood there in his embrace. Everyone had fallen silent by now and were simply watching the interaction between the two of you, practically biting their nails with anxiety at witnessing the rocky reunion.

You tilt your chin up slightly and your gaze subconsciously flickers down to Steve's lips, and he takes this as a sign to pull you in and press his lips to yours a second time.

It's more gentle this time, his lips brushing over yours for a brief second until you grab the collar of his shirt and pull him back in again.

You don't know when you finally break apart, or how much time has passed when you do, but judging by the softened looks on everyone's faces it had been a while.

"Daddy, why did Captain America just kiss Auntie Y/N?" a little voice piped up.

"Because they love each other, honey," Tony replied, ruffling his daughter's hair.

Morgan giggled. "I knew it!"

"Tell me you forgive me," he spoke softly, "tell me that I didn't come back for nothing."

You let out a shuddering sigh and rested your head against his broad chest, gripping the fabric of his suit into your fists. "I thought I'd lost you."

"You won't lose me again."

"So...is this the part where we're supposed to clap? Or cry? Honestly, I feel like doing both right now. This is cute."

"Shut up, Quill," Rocket kicked the Ravager man in the shins. "Let them be."

"What?" Quill held his hands up in defense, looking around at everyone's now amused faces. "You all know you're thinking the same exact thing."

#avengers imagines #steve rogers x reader #avengers x reader #captain america imagine #avengers fanfiction #steve rogers one shot #captain america one shot #captain america fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america x reader

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what-is-your-plan-today · 4 years

Text

Stark Spangled Destiny

Co-Created with @icanfeelastormbrewing

Chapter 1- Breaking Point

Chapter Summary: Struggling to cope following the birth of their youngest, Katie has been hiding her feelings from Steve until an incident at home causes her to blow. Later, she takes a drive to clear her head and ends up in a familiar place, where she encounters and even more familiar face…

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words. Deals with the subject of Post-Partum Depression so please avoid if this triggers.

Chapter Pairings: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: So this little Mini-Series is coined from an idea @icanfeelastormbrewing sent to me a while ago. It deals with some gritty subjects and is going to be quite angsty in places. I really hope I’ve done this sensitively. Huge thanks to Storm and @southerngracela for being my unofficial betas here.

Please let me know what you think- comments and re-blogs muchly appreciated.

Chaos. That was the only word to describe the Rogers household at that point in time. Flossie was teething and screaming as a consequence whilst Katie was trying her best to sooth her, but to no avail. Emmy was supposed to have taken Jamie and Rori out for the day, but she’d been invited out with friend and because Katie didn’t want her to have to spend her spare time helping her out instead of doing something fun, she’d told her not to worry about it and that she’d manage. And for the most part of the morning she had.

But not now.

Katie sighed as the screaming from the Den grew louder and rolled her eyes. She turned to the only one of her kids that was quiet at that time, Harry, who was sat at the kitchen table colouring, his little tongue poking out in concentration.

“You ok for a minute baby?” Katie looked at Harry.

He nodded “Yes momma.” She looked at him, before she headed to the den to see what carnage awaited. When she walked in the door she saw Jamie stood there, the body to Rori’s Barbie doll in one hand, head in the other. Rori was screaming and stamping her feet.

“What the hell is going on?”

“HE BROKE MY ARMY BARBIE!” Rori screamed.

“Not on purpose!” Jamie said.

“YES YOU DID!” Rori continued “You PULLED it and said that…”

“Ok, ok…” Katie sighed, cutting her off. “Jamie, why did you even take it from her in the first place?” “She was hitting me with it.” “Rori is that true?” Rori looked down at the carpet, dragging her toe slightly across the light blue rug “Maybe…”

“You know, I don’t need this today.” Katie sighed “Flossie’s mouth hurts, your dad is busy with stuff at work…” “It’s a Saturday.” Rori pouted “He should be with us.” “Yes, and he said he was sorry.” Katie looked at her “But he explained to you this morning he had to help some of his students as they have exams next week. He’ll be home soon and said he would make it up to you both tomorrow…” “But I want him here now…” Rori stamped her foot and Katie felt her temper starting to snap.

“Well, too bad!” she said loudly and Rori looked at her “Sorry, but he isn’t so you’ll just have to put up with me, and I know I’m a huge disappointment compared to your father but…” she shifted Flossie in her arms who had finally stopped crying. “Now, Jamie, go put the doll on the side in the kitchen.” Jamie walked out of the room as she turned to Rori. “Daddy will probably be able to fix it when he gets home, ok?” “Ok.” She nodded.

“And In future, don’t hit your bother with it.” Katie looked at her “Because then stuff like this happens.”

Rori opened her mouth to argue but one look from Katie made her shut it again. “Now, why don’t you bring the Scrapbook and do it at the table whilst Harry colours? Let Jamie play his computer in here alone.” “Ok Momma.” Rori nodded.

Satisfied that splitting them up would at least, for the time being, solve the issue Katie waited for her to gather the various bits of craft stuff she wanted to use and she pottered into the kitchen. Jamie was stood next to Harry who was enthusiastically pointing at something on the page and talking to him animatedly. She had to give it to her eldest son, when it came to Harry and Flossie, he had the patience of a saint but Rori…well, she pissed him off and to be honest Katie could understand why. She could be a damned nightmare and when she was in one of those moods, the only person that seemed to be able to quell her bad behaviour was Steve. One annoyed look from her Daddy and she would stop dead, it normally took Katie a little longer and as for anyone else…well, they might as well just all go to hell.

Taking a look at Flossie who was now mouthing at her collar bone, she moved to the freezer, grabbed a teething ring and settled her in the little bounce chair, the 5 month old seemingly calmed for the time being.

“Mom, can I see if Seb can come over?” Jamie asked.

“No chance.” Katie shook her head “You just broke Rori’s doll, absolutely no way is your friend coming over.” “What?” Jamie blinked.

“Actions have consequences Jamie.” She shrugged.

“But it was an accident.”

“Yeah, the doll’s head just fell off in your hands did it?” she looked at him.

“No, it was…” “Did you pull it?” “Yes, but…” “So what exactly where you trying to do if not break it?”

Jamie fell silent.

“Exactly” Katie shrugged “So no, he’s not coming over. If you behave then maybe tomorrow he can come stay, you can play in the pool.” “Dad said he was taking us to Coney Island tomorrow!” Jamie whined “So Seb can’t come then!” “Oh, how hard it must be to be you.” Katie said sarcastically “Choosing the Fair or your friend…” Jamie glared at her, folding his arms. “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.” “My dad always said it was a metric for potential.” She shot back, shrugging as she turned to the dishwasher which she had been halfway through unloading when Flossie had started screaming. “Guess I’ll be a great woman one day.”

With her back to Jamie she smiled gently at the memory of the words her father had once said, and Tony’s reaction. And had she been any deeper in her memories she wouldn’t have heard the little jab that Jamie made.

“God living here sucks…” “Well feel free to pack a bag and leave.” Katie said simply as she turned round to look at her son. “In fact, tell me where you wanna go and I’ll drop you off myself.”

“Maybe I will.” He shot back.

“Like I said, go ahead, I’m not stopping you.”

“Whatever Mom.” He rolled his eyes “You can’t kick me out. I’m only 10!” “I’m not kicking you out. You said you wanted to go, I’m simply not stopping you.” He arched an eyebrow, his action making him look even more ridiculously like Steve and his hands dropped to his hips. “Fine, then I’ll just go to Uncle Bucky’s.” “Ok” Katie said, closing the dishwasher. “Go pack a bag, Uncle Buck can deal with your attitude because I don’t want to anymore.” She held Jamie’s gaze, refusing to look away. Eventually her son’s eyes flickered away from her and he turned around with a groan. “God, sometimes you’re the worse mom in the world.”

It shouldn’t have annoyed her as much as it did, because God knows she’d said far worse to Tony when she was younger, and it was a stupid flippant comment, she knew that. But, coupled with everything that had gone on that morning and how much she’d been struggling in general with the kids recently, her patience which had been hanging by a thread, finally snapped. She could quite happily have slapped him right across the face but instead she took a deep breath and shook her head, glaring at him.

“You know what? I’ve really had my fill of you today James, get up to your room.”

“What?” “You heard me!” Katie’s voice rose as she pointed to the door. “Get out of my sight and up those fucking stairs now!”

Jamie blinked at her, she had never sworn at him like that before and his mouth dropped open and he swallowed.

“I’m telling dad you used bad language.” He stuttered in response and Katie gave a sarcastic laugh. “Oh, are you? Well guess what? I don’t give a shit. You can tell him about that one too!” she blazed “Now I won’t tell you again. Go to your room.” “I hate you.” Jamie seethed, and with a final glare at his mom, he wheeled round and stomped from the room. Katie heard his door slam before she leaned on the kitchen counter hanging her head, her eyes filling with tears. And then Flossie started to cry again.

“Momma?” Harry asked tentatively and she wiped her eyes and looked up, smiling.

“Yes honey?” “I no hate you.” He said softly and she gave him a little smile.

“Me neither.” Rori said softly. “Jamie was mean.” Katie shook her head as she crossed the room to pick Flossie up. “He’s just angry because I told him off, don’t worry about it. Now can you two just behave in here for a second whilst I take Flossie into the living room and try calm her down?”

“Promise Momma.” Rori said. Katie smiled softly, this was the other side to her daughter. The sweet, gentle, sassy but well behaved one that 9 times out of 10 the little girl displayed. She took Flossie with her, gently rocking her and soothing her again until her cries became little sniffles. And then she pulled her phone out of her pocket and called Steve.

***** Steve had just finished with the last small group of Students when Katie’s call came through.

“Hey honey, that was good timing.” He said gently, smiling “I’ve just this minute finished.” “Ok.” She said softly “I just wanted to check what time you’d be home.” “Oh, erm…” Steve hesitated, “Look, about that. Bucky called before and asked if I fancied meeting him and Sam for a drink before I come back for pizza like we promised the kids. Just I’ve not seen them in a few weeks really and…” “Oh.”

Steve frowned, that wasn’t like her. Normally she didn’t give a shit about stuff like that, in fact half the time she encouraged him to go out and socialise “Sweetheart if it’s a problem I can come home straight away?” “Please.” She said softly, and then to Steve’s horror she began to cry.

“Baby, what is it?” he said, grabbing his car keys and his jacket before he picked up his briefcase and strode from his office, locking the door behind him.

“I just…” she took a deep shuddering breath “The kids have been driving me crazy. Well, ok not all of them, but Flossie is teething and won’t settle, Jamie and Rori have been fighting and Jamie pulled the head off her doll…” “Hang on…” Steve frowned as he walked out of the main door to the Art Faculty and took a right towards the parking lot. “I thought Emmy was taking those two out to give you a chance to keep an eye on Floss.”

“She cancelled earlier, said she’d been invited out. I didn’t want to spoil her plans, I mean like she said, they’re not her kids to babysit…” “Woah, she said that?” Steve reached his car and unlocked it, his frown growing deeper. “She actually said those words?” “Pretty much.” Katie sighed “But she’s right, Steve. They’re our kids, my issue to look after them. Emmy has been working all week and…” “Katie, you asked her for one favour. One favour because Flossie hasn’t been well. It’s not like you ask her all the time. She shouldn’t have said that.” Steve tossed his jacket into the back of the car, shaking his head in frustration at his eldest. “Well that’s two of us saying things we shouldn’t…” Katie sniffed

“What do you mean?” he asked. “I really lost it at Jamie. I wouldn’t let him invite Seb over because of the doll and then when he threatened to leave I said I’d pack his back and drive him wherever he wanted to go and then he called me the worse mom in the world and…” Steve paused, leaning against the open door of his car taking a deep breath “He said what?”

“He hates me too, apparently.” Katie sniffed “And I know he’s lashing out and saying stupid crap because he’s angry but I lost it at him, told him to get up the fucking stairs and…Steve I really wanted to hit him.” She started to cry again and Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. He hated hearing her like this. She had been up and down since Flossie had been born but had insisted it was merely hormones and tiredness. As he stood there, the guilt washing over him at the fact he’d left her alone today in the first place, he was starting to wish he’d forced her to go to the Doctors months ago instead of accepting her insistence that she would be fine.

“Did you hit him?” he asked softly, already knowing the answer

“No, of course no!” she said back, angrily “What do you take me for?”

“I don’t take you for anything Sweetheart” he replied not rising to her anger, despite the fact he felt equally as pissed at his son’s attitude “I’m merely making the point that it doesn’t matter what you felt. The fact is you didn’t.” “But…” “Honey, stop.” He said gently “Look, I’ll be home in about half hour. I’ll deal with him then and I’ll take them all out for a walk with Stark before dinner ok? Give you a little peace.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to ruin your plans or…” “You haven’t. They’re my kids too. We’re a team, we always will be.”

She sniffed again “Ok, see you soon.” “Yeah, hey. I love you.” “Love you too.” He cut the call and got in the car, starting the engine and as soon as his Bluetooth had synched up, he instructed the voice control to call Emmy.

“Hey Pops…” “Don’t hey pops me, I have a bone to pick with you Emily Jayne Rogers.” He said sternly “Did you actually say to your ma that you weren’t helping out with Jay and Rori today because, and I quote, they’re not yours to babysit?” There was a pause “No, that’s…those weren’t my exact words.” “Well what were?” he asked, pulling the car out of the parking lot and onto the road.

Emmy sighed “I just said that I’d been invited out and seeing as I’d been working all week and they’re not actually my kids, I didn’t want-“

Steve let out a growl “For fucks sake Em…”

“Woah, hang on…” “We asked you to help us out today because Flossie’s been bad with her teeth and your mom needed a bit of time to just concentrate on her.”

There was a pause “Well why didn’t she just say that before?” “Because she’s your mom, and she won’t ever ask you to do something like that when you don’t want to, you know this.” Steve replied. “And now I’ve just had her on the phone, crying her eyes out as Jamie’s told her he hates her…” he sighed

“Sorry Dad.” Emmy said quietly “I didn’t….if I’d have realised it was that big of an issue…” “We know they’re not your kids but if we ask you to help out it’s a last resort.” Steve continued, “I’m well aware you and Queens have your own life to lead too and we don’t want to take it for-granted that you can drop everything to help out, but sometimes…well, especially with everything that happened with Flossie, your mom just needs a hand ok? She’s done enough for you over the years. She still does.”

“I know.” Emmy said. “I’m really sorry.”

“Ok. Let’s leave it there then.” He said, his tone softer “Are you home tonight or…” “Yeah, I’ll be home around 10. I’ll apologise to mom then too“ “Fine, I’ll see you later.”

After another apology from Emmy, Steve cut the call and took a deep, calming breath as he slowed to a stop at a set of lights. He was dreading what he was going to walk into when he got home. He hated being ‘Bad Cop’ but there was no way Jamie was getting away with what he said, regardless of whether or not Katie had snapped at him.

True to his word he arrived home just under 30 minutes after speaking to Katie. He let himself in, giving Stark a quick pat hello before he was accosted by a flurry of a pink t-shirt and brown hair.

“Hi daddy!” Rori grinned at him as he swept her up into a hug.

“Hey Princess.” He smiled, giving her a kiss to her cheek. He then smiled at Harry who was toddling towards him, and with his other arm he easily picked him up too. “Hey buddy.”

With a kid held by each arm, he followed Flossie’s soft cries to the living room.

“Hi sweetheart.” He said, smiling at Katie who looked at him as she gently rocked their daughter to and fro in the little rocking crib that stood by the sofa. He took a deep breath as he looked at her face. She was exhausted, he could see that. Her eyes were red from crying, she was pale but she still managed a soft smile at him.

“Listen, can you 2 go play and let me speak to momma for a few minutes? I promise I’ll come through in a little while ok?” he looked from Harry to Rori who gave a dramatic pout but one look from Steve stopped her in her tracks and she sighed.

“Ok Daddy.” “Thank you.” He smiled as he placed them both down and they headed out of the room.

“C’mere.” He said to Katie as he dropped down next to her and she leaned straight into his open arms as he pressed a soft kiss to her head. “You wanna tell me properly what happened?” So she did. She explained all about the fight between Jamie and Rori, the broken doll, her argument with Jamie afterwards. She was sobbing by the time she finished, and Steve simply sat still, his arms round her as she pressed her face into his chest.

“So you cursed at him.” Steve said, and Katie nodded “Ok, well, I’m sure he’s heard far worse from TV and Bucky and Sam for that matter.” “That’s not the point Steve.” Katie shook her head, pulling back “I lost my temper, big time. I shouldn’t have done. I could have quite happily smacked him straight across the face.” She sniffed “What kind of mother feels that?”

“Katie, what he said was downright nasty. I’m not surprised you flipped.”

“I know he was pushing the boundaries and what he had said was out of order but still, he’s a kid.” she swallowed “I should know better than to argue back with him or scream at him the way I did.” “Honey, you’ve had a really, really stressful year one way or another.” He took a deep breath and wiped her tears with his thumb “I do think though that you should see a doctor, just to talk about things.” Katie shook her head “I’m just tired Steve.” “Katie, you said this the other month when I suggested it and you’re clearly not.”

“Steve I don’t need to see anyone.”

“You trying to convince me or yourself?” he rolled his eyes.

“I just need a nap. I’m exhausted.”

“Katie…” “Just leave it Steve.” She said a little louder. “Please.” Steve took a deep breath “Fine, I’ll leave it for tonight. But this conversation is not over.”

She looked at him, her green eyes flashing angrily before she shook her head and stood up “Whatever, I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”

“Do you want me to order you any dinner?”

She shook her head “Just get what they want, I’ll eat something later.”

He watched her go before he glanced down at Flossie who was sleeping and headed through to the kitchen.

“Daddy we get eeza?” Harry looked up at him and Steve smiled, dropping his hand to the back of his head.

“Sure are.” He smiled “What kind d’ya want?”

“Ham and ineapple.” He nodded.

Steve pulled a face “Pineapple does not belong on pizza.” “Does.” Harry insisted giggling “You silly.”

“Oh am I?” Steve asked, his hands shooting down to his son’s side as he tickled him slightly, Harry giving a squeal as he squirmed away from his touch. Steve chuckled and dropped a kiss to his head as Rori watched him.

“I agree with Harry.” She said “Ham and pineapple is the best.”

“Well I’ll get you a large one and you can both share it, that ok?” Rori nodded and he smiled “Ok, Rori I need you to do me a huge favour. I need to go and speak to Jamie. Flossie is sleeping but if you hear her wake up I need you to come get me ok?”

“He broke my doll.” Rori said, frowning, “Look.” She pointed to the side and Steve looked up, taking a deep breath as his eyes fell on the beheaded toy.

“I know, and that’s what I’m going to speak to him about.” He looked back at his daughter “Now, Rori, I want you to tell me honestly, what were you doing to him to make him break it.” She looked at him, her green eyes round as she blinked and then looked down at the table “I hit him with it.”

“Why?”

“He was being annoying, he wouldn’t let me watch my programme on TV.”

“Ok, well, you shouldn’t do that.” Steve looked at her sternly. “That was naughty.”

“I know. Sorry.” She looked down again before she glanced back up. “Momma said you might be able to fix her.” “I’ll have a look.” He nodded

“If not then Jamie can buy me a new one with his allowance.” Rori shrugged.

“Erm, no he can’t.” Steve shook his head “It serves you right for hitting him with it in the first place.” “But…Daddy!” Rori exclaimed, utterly horrified.

“Aurora…” Steve looked at her, shaking his head “Don’t argue with me.” She pouted and then let out a dramatic sigh “Fine.” “Now, can you do what I asked whilst I go speak to your brother? And then once I’m done we can go to the park for bit before we order dinner.”

“Yay! Park!” Harry cheered as Rori nodded. Steve ruffled her hair before he headed up the stairs.

He knocked on Jamie’s door and then walked in, closing it behind him. Jamie glanced up at him from where he was sat on his bean bag playing on his Xbox, and one look at Steve’s face made the 10 year old avert his eyes.

“Yeah, you might as well look like that.” Steve said sternly “James, I’m so disappointed in you. Do you have any idea about how upset your mom is after you told her you hated her?”

“I didn’t mean it.” Jamie said, his voice quiet.

“I should hope not.” Steve said, sitting down on the edge of the bed “Why did you say it?”

“Because she was shouting at me and she made me angry.”

“You make us angry too sometimes.” Steve looked at him “How would you feel if we told you we hated you?”

Jamie looked down, swallowing as she shrugged a little “Sad.”

“Exactly.” Steve watched him. “Now, you know why was your mom was shouting don’t you?” “Because I was fighting with Rori and broke her doll.” Jamie said, before he took a deep breath “But she was hitting me with…”

Steve cut him off, holding his hand up “Yes, I know she was being a pain in the ass but she’s younger than you and sometimes you just need to rise above it. We’ve told you before, if she’s annoying you, you come find one of us to deal with her.” “But Flossie was crying so I didn’t want to give mom more to deal with.” Jamie sniffed and Steve saw him reach up to wipe his eyes. “I’m sorry.” “It’s not me you should be apologising to.” Steve said gently.

“I know.” Jamie looked down “I’ll go find mom.” “She’s gone for a nap so you can apologise later when we get dinner.”

“Ok.” Jamie nodded “Do you think she will forgive me?” “Of course she will, she’s your mom. She loves you.” Steve shrugged “But that doesn’t mean what you said is ok or that it won’t hurt anymore. And if I ever hear you saying that to your mom, or anyone of us for that matter I’m gonna be really mad, you got that?” Jamie looked down, his tears falling onto his carpet. “Yes dad.”

Steve took a deep breath and then spoke again, this time his voice was a lot gentler. “You know Rori wants me to make you buy her another Doll out of your allowance.”

“I will if I need to.” Jamie shrugged and Steve smiled, reaching out to gently lay his hand on his son’s head.

“Well, I’ve told her if I can’t fix her doll then its tough luck because she shouldn’t have hit you with it” Steve said. Jamie looked up at him and gave a soft smile. “But that doesn’t mean you breaking it was acceptable.” Jamie nodded to show he understood.

“Ok, well, I’m gonna go check on your momma then we can take Stark for a walk. Get some fresh air at the park. But when we get back, you’re having dinner and going straight to bed ok? Actions…”

“…have consequences, yeah I know.” Jamie nodded.

“Ok, get your stuff and grab Stark’s leash and I’ll meet you downstairs in a minute.” “Ok Dad.”

Steve stood up and headed out of Jamie’s room, over to the landing. He quietly opened the door and as suspected Katie was curled up on the bed, the TV playing gently in the background, her eyes closed as she slept. He walked over to her, dropped a kiss to her head before he turned off the TV and headed back out of the room, closing the door behind him.

*****

When Katie woke the house was quiet and empty. It wasn’t quite 6pm yet, so she assumed Steve had taken the kids out as he had suggested before. But the quiet was as suffocating as the noise had been and she needed to escape. She headed into the hallway, grabbed the keys to her Range Rover before she hesitated, and with a smile took the ones to her Camero instead.

She drove and drove, not paying any attention to where she was going. Just letting the feel of her beloved car sooth her as she turned the steering wheel, the leather smooth in her hand, the noise of the engine reminding her of the day Tony had given it to her.

She drove and drove, and when she finally focused on her surroundings she realised she had driven herself to the old compound perimeter fence. She kept going a little further round, finding the parking lot for the Memorial Gardens before she parked and climbed out. She hadn't set foot on the Garden grounds since that day, 5 years ago almost, when the President has opened them. Once the rubble had been cleared from the grounds, the remaining area of the facility had been refurbished and she had agreed with Pepper to donate it to a Military Charity, although Katie had her suspicions that Ross had gotten his claws into it, even if she couldn't prove it. That area stood behind a huge fence but the rest of the grounds has been converted into public gardens. The lawns were well kept. Shrubs pruned, flower beds well-tended. You would hardly know that a brutal battle had taken place here. But Katie knew, she remembered it like yesterday, and her eyes could pick out that spot from here. The spot she had watched her brother succumb to the injuries he sustained from wearing the gauntlet. She didn't need the little plaque that told her where it was. She could find it in her sleep. Her eyes strayed to the right, to the path that led to the woods round the side which contained the clearing where she had spent so much time with Steve and Nat, and suddenly she craved for it. She craved the peace and sanctuary that little clearing has given her. She strode over the lawns, ignoring the curious looks she was getting from some people who were out in the gardens and slipped through the gaps in the oak trees and headed along the now overgrown track until she came to the little clearing. Smiling, she saw the initials still carved into the tree. SR KS in a heart, Steve's joke one afternoon as they'd snatched half an hour at lunch between his training drills.

“Seriously?” she snorted as Steve turned to her, grinning as he folded his pocket knife up and slipped it into his utility belt.

“This is what we did in my day doll, no graffiti…” he grinned and she shook her head, snorting.

“No, just vandalism on a poor, defenceless tree.” she laughed as his arms circled her waist, his chin dropping to her shoulder.

“Not like the tree can feel it...” He said, kissing her neck.

She gave a little snort at that memory, wondering what exactly Thor’s friend Groot would do if Steve tried to carve their initials into him... The ground was dry thanks to the summer weather so she happily dropped to the grass, her back to the trunk of the aforementioned vandalised tree and pulled her knees to her chest. She took a deep breath, allowing the silence to wash over her, to calm her. She thought about all the times she had spent here and on the compound. The good times had far outweighed the bad, in fact one of the happiest days of her life had been on the lawns out there- her wedding. What a beautiful day that had been some 15 years ago. A time before The Accords, a time before Thanos, a time before the death of her best friend and her brother had ripped a huge hole in her life. Laying her head back against the rough bark she took a deep breath and her mind flicked to the events of the day and how bad she felt about her outburst at Jamie. No one had told her motherhood would be easy. In fact, quite the opposite. But she had coped. And to be honest she thought that her and Steve had done a pretty good job so far. But Flossie had been hard work from the start. She had struggled to feed, struggled to settle at night, the only one out of her and Steve's 4 biological kids to ever fall sick for longer than a day at a time and all this coupled with the fact it had taken Katie almost 2 months to recover from her operation had left her feeling helpless.

She hadn't been able to drive to any of the paediatrician appointments, any of her follow up hospital appointments, hadn't been able to take the kids to school, sports clubs or take Flossie out anywhere to escape the house without help. Steve had stepped up, because he was that kind of man, a good one doing right by his wife and kids, but still the fact she was limited to leaving the house when Steve or someone else was there to lend a hand had been hard on her mentally. This hopeless, dark despair had festered in her chest and she felt useless because she hadn't been able to look after any of her kids alone. And then, as if by magic, the cloud had lifted. She had still been a little down on some days, but on the whole just better. She was given the all clear to exercise so threw herself back into that, losing not only the baby weight from Flossie but taking it a little further and finally ridding herself of the extra 15lb Harry had given her. She felt good, she looked good all things considered, and it showed. She felt happier at work, happier at home and far happier in the bedroom, Steve seemingly couldn't keep his hands off her...but she knew that he would have been like that regardless of what she looked like. That was one thing in her life she was confident in- that her soldier loved her no matter what.

All this meant the noise in her head had quietened to a point where she could shut it out completely, she could get on with life, concentrate on her husband and children, control her emotions...until her outburst today.

Fuck, maybe Steve was right. Maybe she did need to speak to someone. They had warned her at the hospital that she’d feel some mood swings- all part and parcel of recovery as her body went through the damned menopause, thanks to her hysterectomy, and they’d told her that support was available…but the thought needing it made her feel even worse. After everything she had faced, through her SHIELD and Avenging days, her suffering at the hands of HYDRA...she’d never once had PTSD or depression beyond a few nightmares and panic attacks. The thought that she now might need counselling of some description because she was struggling to cope with her baby and her damned emotions made her feel weak.

“What kind of mother can’t cope with her own children?” she mumbled out loud to herself. “I mean, what on Earth is the point of me even being in their lives if that’s the case?”

She fell silent again, as she wiped a tear from her cheek before she closed her eyes, remaining quiet simply listening to the birds and noises of the stream which ran through the woods to the lake…and then a voice spoke. A voice she hadn't heard for 7 years bar in her dreams. A voice she had known all her life. A voice that had comforted her, disciplined her, argued with her, encouraged her...

"I like what they did with the place. A little smaller memorial than I would have liked, but, suppose it’s the thought that counts." Her breathing grew erratic and her eyes flew open, the tears now steadily pouring from them. With a shuddering breath, Katie scrambled to her feet and looked straight into the deep brown eyes of her bother.

Her dead brother.

Her dead brother who was standing in front of her, dressed in one of his usual 3 piece Tom Fords, that typical Tony Stark smirk on his face as he glanced at her, his smile growing even wider.

“Hey Kiddo.”

#stark spangled destiny #steve rogers #steve rogers x original female character #steve rogers x oc #katie stark

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yelena-bellova · 4 years

Text

Please Let Me Love You: Steve Rogers x Reader

Plot: Reader and Steve have loved each other for years, but the Reader’s insecurities and grief could kill their chances of it ever happening.

Prompt: “Please let me love you” “No, I’ll only end up breaking your heart” ”What if I’m okay with that?”

Warnings: Language, grief, steamy situations (no smut)

Word Count: 3.8k

A/N: It’s been a while since I’ve written for Steve so I might be a little rusty. I’m also shit at writing steam so my apologies LOL This was done for @hopingforbarnes writing challenge, go check out the other works that were part of it! (Also, sorry for no ‘read more’ for some reason my phone won’t let me add it 🙄 Enjoy!

*gif is not mine but if it’s yours let me know so I can credit you*

———————

It was one of those nights.

I sat in the living room of the compound, wrapped in a thick blanket on the couch. The cable box’s clock said it was 3AM, sleep definitely wasn’t my friend tonight. I’d tossed and turned for an hour before my body finally gave in, only to be woken up a few hours later by a nightmare. I was back in Wakanda watching Thor slide his axe into Thanos’ deep chest, hearing the titan’s cries of pain. I watched as he snapped his fingers and disappeared into whatever portal he’d suddenly created. But the worst part was watching my teammates disappear again. I saw Bucky drop to his knees and dissolve, I grabbed Wanda’s ashes in my hands, I cried Sam’s name as I searched the forest for him. Then I woke up, clutching the sheets in my hand and letting my tears fall.

I sipped at my glass of whiskey, Tony had curated an amazing selection of alcohol and he’d left it at the compound when he’d retired. Times like these were when I wished he was still here. If I was being honest, I was fairly jealous of him. He’d walked away. Wiped his hands of all responsibility, married Pepper and built a new life for himself. It sounded nice, but I knew that my opportunity to have it had long passed.

“Trouble sleeping?”

I turned my head quickly to see Steve walking out of the elevator towards me.

“No,” I replied dryly, “I just really enjoy the enthralling nightlife.”

He smirked and made his way over, sitting in a chair a few feet away from me. Steve was no stranger to nightmares and he’d been trying to help me deal with mine for years. He’d come into my room when he heard me screaming and would stay with me until I calmed down. He’d whisper reassurances that I was safe and that he was there for me. And the terrible part was, I loved it. Even worse, I needed him.

“I didn’t hear you scream or else I would have come in.” Steve said quietly, watching me stare at the contents of my glass.

“Tonight was an anomaly, I simply woke up crying,” I said, not daring to look him in the eyes. It was too dangerous...

“You still could have woken me up, I wouldn’t have minded.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve got to be a big girl and deal with my own issues at some point.” I responded before emptying the last bit of whiskey into my mouth, savoring the burn.

Steve leaned forward and propped his elbows on his knees, “It’s not a weakness to need help, y/n.”  I chuckled humorlessly, “Steve, I can’t run to you every time I have a nightmare forever.”

“Yes, you can,” he replied softly, “You could wake me up every night and I would still come running to help you, to hold you, whatever you needed.”

I finally met his gaze, his stare so intense I felt like he could see right through me. And I hated that. I hated the feeling of vulnerability and someone being able to tear down the walls I worked so hard to put up. Steve was the only person who had knocked down practically every single one without me even realizing.

“It’s not your job to save me, Captain. I think I’m a little beyond saving. Maybe you should spend your time helping people who can be helped.”

Steve didn’t budge at my sharp rejection, he simply drew a deep breath and said, “You can keep trying to push me away but it’s not going to work. I’m not going to abandon you to deal with this on your own.”

Tears flooded my eyes at his words, knowing the meaning behind them. We’d never actually talked about it but we both knew there was something there. The whole team, when there had been a whole team, knew it too. We were teased mercilessly about it. It didn’t seem to be a secret that Steve and I basically belonged to each other, but never officially. But things had changed in the past few years. It wasn’t as simple as it would’ve been pre-Accords and certainly not Pre-Snap. The only thing that had stayed the same throughout all the shit we’d been through was Steve’s devotion to me.

Steve left his seat and kneeled down at my legs, resting his hand gently on my knee,

“Y/n...” his tone was desperate, “Please let me love you.”

I let the whiskey glass fall in my lap and turned my face away from Steve. My dam was breaking and I feared one more word that I didn’t deserve would cause it to crack and flood the entire room.

“No, I’ll only end up breaking your heart.” I whispered, the lump in my throat making it impossible to speak at a higher volume.

Steve’s thumb traced the curve of my knee, “What if I’m okay with that?”

There it was.

The dam broke.

“No!” I exclaimed as I threw the blanket off my torso and stood to my feet. The whiskey glass rolled across the floor and I walked in the opposite direction. I turned to Steve with tears streaming down my cheeks, “Steve, I can’t do this! I’m not the girl for you, no matter how much I want to be. I’m so fucked up from the past few years I don’t even recognize myself when I look in the mirror. I’m so far from who I was when we met and it breaks my heart. I’m so fucking damaged that there is no way in hell I could love you way you deserve to be loved. You deserve so much better than someone who wakes up every night screaming and can’t get out of bed most days or someone who gets drunk to try and make themselves forget.”  My vision was clouded from the tears but I could see the broken expression on Steve’s face. I’d only seen that look once, when he sat in the Wakandan soil holding his best friend’s ashes. The fact that I was the one causing him that pain made me feel like a piece of shit. Yet for some reason, I continued…  “We had our chance and we didn’t take it, we can’t go back and change the past, Steve.” I said with a quiet sniffle, I was breaking my own heart along with Steve’s.

Steve opened his mouth to say something, but closed it a second later and began to leave the room. I watched him walk to the elevator, his posture resembling a man who’d just lost in battle. Before the doors closed, he turned to me,

“I don’t care if you’re not the same person you used to be, I’m always going to love you. Every single version of you.”

Then the doors closed and he was gone.

It didn’t take long for me to sink to the floor and start sobbing. Here I was trying to protect us both and yet I felt like I’d just made the biggest mistake of my life. This wasn’t some random guy I’d met at a coffee shop, this was Steve. Steve. I’d never wanted to be with someone like I’d wanted to be with him. Memories began to flood my mind of the moments that caused me to fall in love with him, each one more painful than the last. But the worst one had happened three years ago, only a few days before Bruce had called telling us Vision was in danger.

——

“Why the hell did you do that, Rogers?” I exclaimed, my voice echoing in the nearly empty safe house we were currently staying in. Sam and I had dragged Steve out of the battle we’d just been in, Natasha covering us. We’d carried all 200 pounds of muscle back to the house and he was currently laid out in front of me on a cot. Sam and Nat were doing routine perimeter checks while I was in charge of taking care of Steve’s wound.

“What was I supposed to do?” Steve asked through gritted teeth as I began removing his armor, “Let you get shot?”

“Yes! I didn’t ask you to jump in front of me!” I replied, throwing the top layer to the side and beginning to cautiously peel away the tee shirt underneath. Steve hissed as fresh air hit the bullet wound, once his abdomen was exposed I grabbed the nearby first ad kit.

Steve didn’t reply to my last comment, he simply let me work. Though he may have been a super soldier, he still very much felt pain. As I sterilized the wound and located the bullet, he let out a groan and I mumbled an apology. Thankfully, the bullet hadn’t hit any major organs so he wouldn’t need surgery. Thank God, because I wasn’t ready to perform a medical procedure in a glorified cabin in the middle of Romania’s forests.

I removed the bullet easily, only getting a moan from Steve, I could tell his accelerated healing was already kicking in. I still needed to stitch him up and to do that, I needed to be at a different angle.

“Sorry to make this awkward but, uh…” I said while looking from Steve’s face to his lap.

“No, it’s fine.” he responded passively, I had a feeling he was too exhausted to care.

I nodded and stood up, then carefully lowered myself into his lap. This was beyond awkward, for me at least. I’d never told Steve how I felt about him and here I was sitting on his crotch while he was shirtless. There were thoughts running through my head that were making me blush and I just prayed he didn’t notice it. Regaining my focus I took the bloodied gauze pad off his wound and grabbed the needle and thread in the kit.

“This part usually sucks, hold onto me if you need to, kay?” I said softly, he nodded in response. If the bullet removal hadn’t caused him to scream, he’d be fine with a few stitches.

As soon as the needle pierced his skin, his hand flew to my waist. It took every ounce of concentration I had to keep my mind on the task at hand rather than how I could feel the warmth of his palm through my suit. I pulled the first stitch through and he moaned slightly, squeezing my hip softly. I inhaled sharply and froze for half a second at the sensation, he was making it harder and harder to focus. As I willed myself to continue, I got through the next one without any movement from Steve. Once I was placing the third out of four, he hissed slightly and his other hand found it’s way to my other hip gripping it tightly. I gasped softly, but Steve didn’t seem to notice it, his eyes were closed. I was embarrassed at how much his simple touch affected me and didn’t need him knowing.

“Last one,” I whispered shakily, he looked through his eyelashes to meet my gaze and nodded.

I placed the last one quickly, Steve’s palms burned through the fabric of my suit as he squeezed my waist one final time. As soon as I was done I dropped the needle back in the kit and let my hands drop, my breathing had picked up without me even realizing it. I quickly remembered I needed to bandage the wound, which would require us to strike an even more intimate position.

Without meeting his eyes, I said, “I need to wrap the wound so you’re going to need to s-sit up.”

Steve was catching his breath, from what I didn’t know, and nodded silently. I knew he’d need help so as he removed his hands from my waist to brace himself on the cot, I placed my hands on his shoulders to bring him up. He groaned as he sat up, not only the wound hurting but his muscles undoubtably sore as well. I quickly grabbed the large gauze pad and folded it, holding it to the freshly stitched wound. I reached also for the tape that would wrap around his torso and hold the gauze in place. Pressing it gently, I began to wrap the tape around Steve, reaching behind him with one hand and keeping the other pressed to his abdomen. His muscles tensed under my touch before relaxing after, his hands snaking up to my sides, higher than they’d previously been. We were practically face to face so I tried to keep my composure but damn, he was making it hard. I continued wrapping until satisfied with my work, I placed a clip to hold it in place and dropped the remainders in the kit.

Neither of us said anything, we simply sat there with Steve holding me firmly in place and our eyes finally meeting. The danger had passed, we were safe, and I now had time to process what had placed us in this situation.

“Why’d you take that bullet for me?” I asked hesitantly, my voice no higher than a whisper.

His hands found their way back to my hips, his gaze somehow both gentle and intense. Goosebumps flooded my skin between the two sensations of touch and sight.

“I wasn’t about to let you die,” Steve said, his chest rumbling from the deep tone of his voice. I could feel his thumb tracing my hip bone and it sent a chill up my spine, this time I knew he noticed. His lips quirked ever so slightly, he could tell he was having an effect on me. My hands went to his shoulders and gripped them tightly as if to anchor myself to him. Steve moved so his arms were enveloping my waist and puling me closer to him.

My breath caught in my throat at the movement, my lips parted as I held Steve’s stare.

“I-I’m not even sure how to thank you.” I replied softly, shifting slightly in his lap causing him to let out a small whimper. Now it was my turn for ny lips to curl a little, realizing that I had just as much of an effect on him.

Steve shook his head gently, our foreheads nearly touching, “No thanks necessary, sweetheart.”  We were both a little touch starved and we both knew there’d been tension between us for years. That was a recipe for either disaster or something delicious, and I wanted nothing more than to find out which one it was. I let my fingers gently run down Steve’s biceps before resting there, causing him to bite his lip and hold me tighter. He pressed our foreheads together, our noses touching and our lips a mere inch or two away from meeting. As much as I wanted to make the next move, I could have stayed in the moment for much longer, simply savoring the electricity. One of Steve’s hands dragged up to my back and splayed out across it as if he was trying to press me as close to him as he could. But to get any closer, we’d have to cross a line.

As our breaths mingled, I knew that it was the moment I’d been waiting for for years. I was going to tell Steve that I loved him. The man had taken a fucking bullet for me, plus with our current position I was pretty confident in my chances of him returning the sentiment.

I pulled away to look at him, his pupils blown and his expression soft, “Steve, I-“

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Natasha and Sam were back.

The moment was gone.

—

I wiped my eyes as I sat on the floor, leaned up against the couch. The tears were finally beginning to slow, but that didn’t mean the sadness had. Steve and I hadn’t spoken of that day and we hadn’t had another one resembling it. My skin tingled at the memories of Steve’s touch, how close we had come to getting everything we wanted. I’d wished so many times to go back to that moment and have Natasha and Sam stay out a few minutes more. All I needed was thirty seconds. All I needed was a chance.

A chance Steve had just given me.

I ran my hands through my hair, how fucking stupid was I? He was standing in front of me saying that he’d take me however I am. He wanted to love me, broken as I was, he still loved me in my damaged state. We’d done this dance for years, we’d come so close before and here I was ready to throw everything away brcause I was stuck in my own grief. I had a shot at happiness, at love, at feeling alive again. I had a shot with the man I’d been in love with for a decade.

And I wasn’t going to miss it.

I sprang to my feet and crossed the room to the elevator, a purpose in each of my steps. I pressed the button to the living quarters and shot up the short distance before the doors opened. Remembering Natasha was only a few rooms down from me and Steve, I realized I couldn’t be as loud in my confession as I felt. Nerves hit when I was only a few steps from Steve’s door. What if I’d already missed my chance downstairs when I’d been so cruel? What if I was about to make a complete fool out of myself? As my fist rested an inch away from the door, I almost pulled away and retired to my room.

No, I had to try at least.

I tapped the door softly and held my breath, I hadn’t even planned out what I’d wanted to say. There was no time to think as Steve opened the door quietly, his eyes widening a little at the sight of me. He definitely hadn’t expected to see me again tonight. I stood there awkwardly rubbing my hands together trying to think of the right thing to say. How was I supposed to convey ten years of loving someone into the small window I had? I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. God bless Steve, he stood there patiently waiting for me to be ready.

One of my favorite things about our friendship was that Steve and I had always been able to communicate with each others eyes. It had served us well in battle, on team game nights but I needed it to serve me well now more than ever. I needed him to see every ounce of love and longing I had for him in one simple look. His lips parted while I stared at him as if he could read my mind, his own eyes coming alight.

He pulled me to him so fast I barely had time to register our lips meeting.

I winded my arms around Steve’s neck as I drank in the moment, trying to get as close to him as I could. Both of his hands gripped my back, holding me as if I was about to disappear. Our lips moved together frantically, we were trying to make up for ten years of lost time. He pulled me into his room and I kicked the door shut, never breaking the kiss or losing contact. Steve’s hands slid down to my hips, squeezing ever so slightly and causing a moan to escape me. He was spurred on further now, running his hands down my sides to hit my thighs and lift me up. I quickly wrapped my legs around his waist as he walked us towards his bed, sitting down on the edge. Steve’s lips broke from mine to attach at my jawline to press featherlight kisses, I let out a soft groan and tangled one of my hands in the hair at the nape of his neck. These were the lines I’d longed to cross three years ago in that safe house, this is how I’d wanted that story to end. Steve’s ministrations moved down my neck, kissing and sucking at spots that made me moan louder. He was chasing my pleasure as if it was his own and it only added to what I felt for him in the moment.

Once he reached my shoulder, his lips ghosted over my skin and he chuckled. I pulled away, my chest heaving, hoping he wasn’t beginning to regret our actions.

“Are you okay?” I whispered through my pants.

He nodded, his forehead pressed against my skin, “I just never thought I’d get to hold you like this again.”  There it was, the exact moment where my heart burst with affection for Steven Grant Rogers when I thought it was impossible. Only he could cause such a heated moment only to make it the sweetest.

He pulled his head back to look at me, his lips swollen, his hair messy and his eyes lit up. He’d never looked more beautiful and he’d never looked more at ease. I wanted nothing more than to love him the way he deserved and beyond.

I moved my hands to his cheeks, “I love you so much, Steve. Please tell me I didn’t fuck this up.”

He stared at me with lips parted and a lopsided grin, “Sweetheart, I think we’ve both fucked this up enough over the past ten years. You getting upset one time isn’t going to scare me off.”

I smirked, “Language, Captain.”

Steve laughed lightly before pressing a kiss to the inside of my palm,

“Promise me,” he said softly, his eyes closed as he left more kisses in my hand, “Promise me you won’t leave, not just tonight.”  My heart broke at the fact that my insecurities and inability to deal with my emotions had caused him so much pain. He’d been waiting years for me to come out of my hole of grief, just hoping for a moment like the one we were in the midst of. I wanted to make up for every missed chance and lost opportunity we’d seen.

“I’m not leaving,” I said, pressing our foreheads together and dragging Steve’s hand to my chest to rest over my heart, “You’re stuck with me, Rogers.”

“Not a bad proposition if you ask me,” he grinned, tracing his thumb across the neckline of my tank top, “I love you so much.”  I smiled, tracing a finger over his lower lip, “I love you too.”  He connected our lips again, this time softer than when I’d entered the room. For the first time in a long time, everything felt right in the world. I knew outside the compound, the world was still on fire. In the morning we’d have to worry about missions and doing what we could to help rebuild but for now? For right now, all Steve and I had to do was make up for ten years of lost time.

#steve rogers #captain america #steve rogers x you #steve rogers and reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers fanfic #hopingforbarnes250writingchallenge

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littlemarvelfics · 4 years

Text

Get a Clue

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: none

A/N: Thank you for requesting this anon! The prompts are bolded. I missed writing requests and this one really got me going good. Enjoy!

+++++

You walked into the common area of the tower, flopping yourself onto the couch next to Steve who was quietly reading a book. After a few minutes of being ignored, you let off a heavy sigh. You glanced over at Steve, realizing your sigh did nothing to provoke him.

"Steeveeeeeee," you whined.

"Yessssss?" he mimicked.

"I'm bored," you said, hoping he would get the hint.

"You're also an adult," he countered. "You can entertain yourself."

"Sure I can, but you do it so much better."

"What does he do better?" Bucky asked as he walked into the room.

You turned your attention to your new victim.

"Entertain me. But you would also do a fine job Barnes."

"Gee thanks, so glad to be considered," he answered sarcastically.

"Why does no one care that I'm dying?" you wondered, raising an eyebrow in Bucky's direction.

"Well, apparently Tony cares. Thor is going back to Asgard in a few days and Tony wants to throw a party of sorts, send him off in style- that sort of thing."

"Perfect!" you cheered, clapping your hands together and getting up off the couch. "See you soon boys."

"When are you gonna tell her?" Bucky asked Steve once you were out of the room.

"Tell her what?"

"That you're in love with her."

"I'm not in love with her."

"You're in something with her! It's getting ridiculous, just talk to her and put me out of my misery."

"Why am I making you miserable?!" Steve demanded, finally giving up in the book he was reading.

"Because you two would be great together and you both deny it."

"You're losing it old man," Steve said, getting up off the couch and heading toward the gym. "Nothing's going on."

"Whatever you say, pal. Make sure you're ready for the party in a few hours, attendance is mandatory!" Bucky called after him.

Steve gave him a thumbs-up as he retreated to the solitude of the gym.

+++++

Steve sat on the bench, breathing heavily from the bench presses he just finished. He pulled out his phone, pressing the button to check the time and smiling when his lock screen greeted him. It was a picture of you and Steve, one that Natasha had taken on New Year's Eve a few weeks ago. You were both laughing at something that had been said, your head was thrown back and Steve's arm around your waist to keep you steady. Steve has planned on telling you how he felt that night but when midnight came, you were off kissing someone else. He didn't see it himself but Sam had been talking about it the following morning at breakfast, cracking jokes and asking if you'd gotten lucky that night. You'd laughed and said a lady didn't kiss and tell. Steve left the room before you could say anything else.

"Am I your lock screen?" you asked from over his shoulder.

"Jesus!" Steve yelped, pulling out his headphones. "You scared the hell out of me."

"Am I your lock screen?" you asked again.

"You weren't supposed to see that," Steve replied, shoving his phone under his leg.

"Why not? It's a cute picture. You look happy," you said with a smile. "Now shower up, the party is getting started and it's not a party until you're there Cap."

You turned and walked out of the room, smiling to yourself. You were his lock screen.

+++++

Twenty minutes later, you were leaning on the bar, chatting with Bucky. Every once in a while, your eyes would stray to Steve. You could swear you felt his eyes on you but every time you looked at him, he looked somewhere else.

"Hello?" Bucky asked, nudging you with his foot. "In order for me to keep you entertained, you have to pay attention to me."

"Sorry, what were you saying?" you said, facing Bucky fully.

"I was just saying how beautiful you look tonight," he replied with a crooked smile.

"You've already said that tonight Buck. What's going on?"

"Nothing! Can't a guy compliment a beautiful woman?"

"Well if you must," you said, sarcasm thick in your voice.

You looked up at Steve again, the emotion on his face something you couldn't quite pick out.

You were about to excuse yourself from Bucky when you felt his hand on yours.

"You know, I had a dream about you the other night," he said with a smile.

"Bucky... are you flirting with me?"

"You finally noticed?" he asked, rolling his eyes.

"Bucky, I'm so flattered but-"

"Woah there doll. I have my reasons for flirting with you, but they aren't entirely romantic. I'm not sure I could break Stevie's heart like that."

"What the hell are you talking about Barnes?"

"I'm talking about making Steve jealous so he'll finally make a move."

"C'mon Bucky," you said with a laugh. "He would have made a move years ago if he felt half of what I feel for him. We both know I've been into him since I showed up here."

"We do know that yes. Steve, however, does not."

"How could he not?!"

"Because he's Steve. Now you really wanna make him jealous-"

"Okay one," you said, cutting him off. "I don't want to make him jealous. That was your plan. And two there's no way Steve is gonna think we're together."

"Oh yeah?"

Before you could say anything else, Bucky pulled you close, smiling before kissing you gently. Unsure of how to react, you stood there motionless until Bucky pulled away.

"Now look at him and tell me he's not jealous."

You looked over at Steve, his face red and his grip so tight on his glass you were surprised it didn't shatter. He looked at you for a moment before he put his glass down and left the area- you assumed he was heading for his room.

"You're an ass Barnes," you said, smacking his arm.

"You both know that. Now go save my friendship."

"Bucky!"

"It'll be fine! Just go talk to him. Please?"

You let out a frustrated grunt before turning on your heel and heading in the direction Steve had just gone. When you made it to his room, you knocked on the door gently.

"Steve?"

"What?"

"Can I come in?" you murmured.

"Why?"

"So we can talk without a door separating us."

Suddenly, the door whipped open.

"I don't think there's much to talk about. Bucky's probably missing you by now anyway."

"Oh... you are jealous."

"Nope, everything is fine," he countered. "Just figured it was time for me to leave."

"Steve please, just hear me out?" you asked.

"You don't have to explain anything. I should have figured-"

"Steve!" you said, cutting him off. "Please can I come in and talk to you? Preferably without you interrupting every ten seconds?"

"Fine," he replied, leaving the door open and sitting on the edge of his bed.

You walked into his room, closing the door behind you.

"Okay, so me and Bucky," you started.

"It's really fine," Steve replied quickly.

"What did I say about interrupting?!"

"Sorry," Steve said, wide-eyed and putting his hands up in surrender.

"Me and Bucky are friends. Nothing more."

"That kiss looked like more," Steve mumbled.

"I don't know what it looked like. But I do know what it was. Bucky wanted to make you jealous so we would figure our shit out and stop dancing around the elephant in the room."

"What elephant?" Steve asked.

"I like you!" you blurted out. "I like you okay? And I don't mean that I like you as in 'Oh Steve? He hasn't murdered me so that's cool' kind of way. I mean like you in this big important, 'I think we could be something real' way."

You paused and looked at Steve who was suddenly avoiding your gaze.

"I'm gonna kill him," you said. "I'm killing Bucky. That arrogant know it all! I know you're the Captain but you can't stop me."

You were about to pull the door open when Steve finally spoke up.

"I like you too," he murmured.

"Don't say it just to save Barnes. I might kill him for any number of reasons."

"I'm not just saying it," he said, getting up off his bed to stand in front of you. "I like you. I like you in a big and important way. I was gonna tell you on New Year's Eve."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I lost track of you. And then the next morning I heard Sam talking about whoever you kissed at midnight so I thought I missed my chance with you."

You tried to keep your laughed at bay, but you were fighting a losing battle.

"What is so funny?" Steve asked. "I thought that was a logical conclusion to make!"

"Natasha," you said simply.

"What about her?"

"That's who I kissed at midnight Steve. I said I was sad I never had a New Year's Eve kiss so Nat kissed me."

"I'm an idiot," Steve said, shaking his head.

"Maybe a little. But you're a lovable idiot."

"Lovable huh?"

"Very," you said with a smile.

"Is that enough to get me a date?" Steve asked.

"I think it just might be."

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