#i never wanted to know my mind was powerful enough to actually make me physically ill but well. i cant say it was the first time!

[lowkeychenle]

And Then It Was [ZCL] (M)

Description: After your marriage with Chenle was arranged by your parents for a company merger, things with him aren't quite like you expect. In your life full of obligations, he's determined to finally give you the ability to make your own choices. Genre: Smut/Fluff/Angst (arranged marriage!au, rich families using their children as business mergers yk) Content Warnings: Rich, generational family trauma, family secrets, reader in her men suck era, explicit, protected sex, mentions of pregnancy (no actual pregnancy in the fic), reader feels obligated to have children, explicit, unprotected sex, use of the pet names 'baby' and 'darling', dirty talk, oral (f receiving) Word Count: 28.2k Pairing: Zhong Chenle x fem!Reader (features Jeno, Jisung, Jaemin, and Mark, but mostly Jeno and Jisung! (sorry idk where Renjun and Haechan are in this fic?????)) A/N: Y'all tumblr really f'in hates me because it was so difficult to format this fic? like it did not want to let me put the whole thing on here. So if the last section is oddly formatted, that's why and I'msosorry :'( (p.s. thank you so much for 700 followers!!!)

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Chenle’s hand grips yours loosely, resting between the two of you right on the crack between the couch cushions. All of this is a formality, down to the smile plastered on your face. It started out simple, like something out of a movie, honestly, but even movies have to roll the end credits at some point.

“So, tell us the story of how you met,” the interviewer begins, crossing her legs as she looks at you in complete interest.

“We’ve known each other for ages,” Chenle says.

Lie. You’ve known of each other for ages. You’re only here with an oversized ring on your finger to complete your family’s merger with Chenle’s. What big news that was, two heirs of two of the biggest companies around the world falling in love. If only that were true in the slightest.

“Wow, way to make it sound romantic.” You laugh, reaching across to push his arm—gently, of course. “He makes it so lackluster. But to be completely transparent, it wasn’t…anything crazy. We did meet years ago, and we’ve been friends since then. Gosh, probably since we were sixteen?”

“Fifteen,” Chenle corrects you and sends an award winning smile your way. You’d be inclined to believe him if everything wasn’t scripted.

“He always has been a little more detail-oriented than me.”

The interview drags. You and Chenle were officially married just over a month ago, and while you know it’s your owed duty to your family, you wish optics weren’t so important. After all, legally binding yourself to secure a company was one thing, but physically binding yourself to a man you barely know? You wouldn’t dream of it. Even holding his hand feels odd, not to mention his palms are sweaty.

Your honeymoon had ended shortly before the interview. You’d been gone for four weeks, and it was the last bit of privacy you’d have when it comes to your ‘relationship’ with Chenle. You got to know him enough to where you’d be comfortable sharing an oversized house with him, but there were still a lot of mysteries between you two—mysteries you were sure would never get solved. There are a lot of good things about Chenle. He’s smarter than most people you’ve met, he knows how to make jokes and take them, he’s nice to look at, to hold a conversation with, but you don’t love him. You’d been of the mind that you wanted to marry for love since you were young, but some things are overshadowed by your duties. By money.

“There aren’t many people in this world that don’t just…immediately bow down to powerful men. It was…interesting to say the least, because throughout my entire life I’d always just been given respect. From the moment I met (Y/N), I knew I’d have to work for it. For her respect, I mean. She’s just as confident and much more intelligent than any other man I’ve ever worked with.” Chenle squeezes your hand.

That wasn’t in the script. It’s almost enough to have you break character and forget your next line. “Is that so?” You quirk an eyebrow at him, and he chuckles.

“Tried and true,” he replies with ease. “You really are extraordinary, you know.”

Can’t script a blush rising to your cheeks. It’s something about the way he makes direct eye contact with you that has your face burning.

Grinning, he turns back to the interviewer. “I have a lot of things to be grateful for in life. Truly, I do. I’m very fortunate for all of the good my family has done for me and for having things set up for me from the start. One thing I never could’ve imagined was that it could get better. Meeting her changed my life, and if I had to, I’d give everything else to keep her next to me.”

That time, your smile does fall, but you quickly catch yourself. Your heart picks up its pace in your chest, but you know it’s all part of the script. It has to be. He’d never give up his money, his family, his lifestyle for something as simple as you. You desperately want to pull your hand away, but you’ll wait until the cameras stop rolling.

As soon as you and Chenle are behind the tinted windows of his car, you drop his hand and scoot all the way over to have some semblance of peace. None of this truly makes sense to you. You’re much too young to be worried about your marriage to another person equally as young as you, yet you can’t help but mull over each word that left his mouth today.

“Are you alright?” he asks.

“Of course.” You pull your phone out of your purse and scroll through your social media with a sigh.

The driver pulls away from the spot, and after a few minutes, you look over to find Chenle watching you.

“What?”

“Is that it?” He clasps his hands together in his lap.

You scoff. “Oh, I’m sorry. Are we to keep acting while we’re alone, too? It’s exhausting.”

“You don’t even want to…try to keep getting to know each other? You’re just done?” He pauses, tongue wetting his lips. “We’re here for the long haul, (Y/N). We signed a legally binding contract. Divorce isn’t an option ever. We may as well try and—”

“All due respect, Chenle, I’d rather not know you. What happens if I do, and then I hate everything about you? Ignorance is bliss. Why risk hating you when I can just tolerate you instead?”

“Is it the hate you don’t want to risk?” His question catches you off guard, the confidence laced in his tone sending sparks of irritation through you.

“Are you insinuating that you think I could fall in love with you?”

“There’s no insinuation. I’ll tell you with full certainty that you would.” Chenle’s dark eyes narrow, and he shifts in his seat. “You fear failure. But a marriage failure would be easier if you’re not in love, right? No feelings to cloud your logical judgment.”

“For such a smart man, that was an incredibly stupid statement.” You scoff, setting your phone in your lap. “This is a job, not a marriage.”

“Not according to our sealed certificate.”

“Burn it for all I care. I’m not here for you. I’m here for my family, so I could’ve been married off to anyone. Don’t think that means I’ll allow you to control me. What’s mine is still mine. If I choose to see someone outside the marriage, that’s my own choice.”

“Ah.” He inhales slowly. “You’re already in love.”

“Wrong again.”

“Then why is that the first thing you say?”

“Because I have a duty to you. An obligation. But that does not mean you’re obligated to my heart.” You look straight forward, refusing to acknowledge the heat of his stare boring into your side.

“At least make sure you’re using protection.” He clicks his tongue.

“That was also in the contract. Didn’t you read it?” You tap your foot. “‘Extramarital relations require usage of effective birth control methods, and I may not bear another man’s child.’”

“I’m sorry, what?” He gapes at you. “Are you serious right now?”

When you laugh, his eyebrows furrow deeply.

“What’s funny?”

“No, no, I just forgot. You’re the man. You’re expected to stray from the marriage because you obviously don’t have everything life can offer. It’s okay for you to get someone else pregnant because you don’t have to physically have the child. Ridiculous.”

“And you think that’s my intention? Seriously?”

“It’s an expectation in every arranged marriage, I assume.” You cross your arms over your chest. “I don’t care what you do, Chenle. Just act like you respect me at least.”

“Okay, now hold on.” He scratches his forehead, his thought process basically written out across his face. “You were the one that mentioned extramarital relationships. I was never going to suggest it because I’d never do something like that. I don’t care what our…relationship is like, it’s still a marriage. You’re my wife, whether we like it or not, and I’m not going to do anything that would undermine you or the legacy you’ve already created. Regardless of what you believe, I do respect you. Honestly.”

“I…” you trail off, swallowing roughly. “I’d prefer silence for the rest of the drive.”

Chenle runs his tongue over his teeth, but he nods.

“Do we have to share a room?” you ask as you take your earrings out. Placing them on the vanity in front of you, you stare at Chenle through the mirror, watching as he removes his suit jacket and tie.

“We don’t have to do anything.” Chenle shakes his head and untucks his shirt from his pants. “If that’s what you want, I’ll stay in another room.”

“What?” You frown. “This is your house. You should keep the master bedroom.”

“Stop thinking like that,” he says, working on his buttons. “It’s yours now, too.”

He stops halfway down, grabbing his shirt and sweatpants to change into.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” His voice seems different, almost cold. Distant.

“Chenle,” you call out, turning in your chair to face him directly.

He sighs, stops, and looks back at you. “Yeah?”

“Before you go, can we…get something out of the way?”

“More things.” He presses his lips together in a thin line, but eventually nods and takes a few steps closer. “By all means.”

This time, it’s your palms that are sweating. You grip the armrest and flounder for the words you want to say. It’s rare for you to get flustered or shy with anyone, so acting this way in front of him has heat rising to your cheeks.

“We’re expected to have children,” you finally spit out. “Heirs. We carry two legacies on our backs.”

He shifts on his feet, taking his bottom lip between his teeth as he glances away from you. “This is what you want to get out of the way?”

“I…I just think it’s a good idea for us to put our…expectations out there early.”

“About sex or babies?”

“The only reason we’d ever…is to have babies.” You try to maintain your strong facade, but the conversation makes you more nervous than you’d care to admit.

“Right, because thinking that you’re sleeping with me out of obligation is incredibly sexy.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “We don’t even have to have sex to get you pregnant, you know. There are other options. Do you even actually want children? Or is that purely out of obligation as well?”

“Everything I do is out of obligation.”

“Not anymore.” He walks closer, resting his hand on the edge of the vanity. “You’re my wife now. You do what you want, and you do it for you. No one else. Understood?”

You stand up, obliterating the minuscule distance between the two of you. Your chest almost brushes his, and you’re nearly distracted by his half-unbuttoned shirt. Tilting your head, you scan over his face.

“You’re saying there’s not anything you want from me?”

“Wanting and demanding are two very different things.” He doesn’t back down, his impenetrable gaze locked on yours.

“And what is it that you want?”

“For someone who doesn’t care, you sure are inquisitive,” Chenle remarks.

“Don’t let my level of interest stop you.”

His eyes narrow. “How long have we known each other?”

“I can tell you our first real conversation was just over six months ago. We were informed of this…situation.” You sigh. “Why?”

“I was relieved to find out it was you.” He gulps. “To know that you are someone I’m…attracted to. That we could maybe one day have something real in the wake of this…joke of an arrangement.”

“Relieved?”

“Yes.” He nods without hesitation. “And that is what I want. A real life, real love, real family. And while everything else may not be ideal, I’d never force you to give me any of those things. As I’ve said, you’re free to make your own choices. Whether they include me or not.”

His voice is soft, barely carrying over to you from his spot mere inches away. Your heart pounds in your chest from his proximity, his words, him. You don’t want to risk anything, and the consequences far outweigh the rewards of a relationship like this.

“Good.” You nod. “I’ll remember that.”

“I expect nothing less.” He takes a step back, unintentionally shattering the tension between the two of you. “Have a good night, (Y/N).”

But for some reason, once he closes the door behind him and leaves you alone in this giant, extravagant bedroom, you truly wonder what the hell you’ve gotten yourself into.

“I mean, is that a bad thing?” Jisung’s voice carries through the phone, shuffling around with documents in the background.

Your cousin always did have trouble seeing things from your side. You sigh. “It is a bad thing. Why can’t he just be a normal man? I’m not going to beg anyone to impregnate me, if that’s what he’s waiting for—”

“(Y/N),” he says, tone laced with disbelief. “After that whole conversation, that’s what you got out of that? That he wants you to beg him?”

“What else am I supposed to get?” Crossing your arms over your chest, you study yourself in the mirror. Despite the stress as of late, you still seem miraculously put together.

“That he actually cares about you. And wants something real.”

“Then his family picked his wife incorrectly,” you insist. “I’m here because I was told to be. And why risk a lifetime of unhappiness and hate when we could just…tolerate each other?”

“Not everything has to be—”

“You were supposed to be on my side for this.” Your chest deflates, and you put him on speaker to apply your lipstick and put your earrings in.

“I’m always on your side, even if you think I’m not. I’ve met Chenle, too. You could’ve been much worse off for a company merger.”

“Right, so I should be grateful?” You snort. “Grateful that my husband doesn’t want to have—”

“Insufferable,” your cousin cuts you off. “You’re insufferable. The whole world is not out to get you. In the position you’re in, you need every single ally you can get. Chenle especially. He’s one of the most powerful men in the country. Imagine what that could do for you.”

“Yes, because powerful men are so enticing for me.” You roll your eyes.

“You don’t have to love him. Nobody expects that of you, but you can at least be friends with him.” Jisung clicks his tongue. “Give him a shot, okay? He’s not an asshole, and from what you’ve told me, he seems to be trying with you.”

You tap your fingers on the vanity. “I have a business meeting with him and his board. Guess I’ll see you in a few.”

“That you will. Talk to you soon.”

As the line cuts, you head out of Chenle’s—your—room, and head down the hall and out the door. Today is a new day, and the first way to present your dominance to your husband is to talk business. You’ve always been good at keeping your composure. While the buildings for your family’s company and Chenle’s were on opposite sides of town, the merger gave you unlimited access to both. Chenle was his own respective CEO, while your father still held the technical title at yours.

COO had been sitting in your pocket for years, and your father told you the only way he’d relinquish his CEO title onto you is if you married. And produced an heir without any public miscommunication. Essentially, your heir would, under no uncertain circumstances, be conceived and birthed in a conventional way.

You’re the last one to arrive in the conference room. The walls are mostly windows, overlooking the bustling city below you. You inhale deeply at the sight, and Chenle looks up at you, standing as soon as he finds you in the room. The rest of the board follows suit, and you almost scowl at the realization that the only open seat is right next to your husband. You don’t recognize any of them since this is solely for Chenle, but he insisted you were to be included on all business discussions from the moment you were married.

You stand next to Chenle, staring down at the five men around you. “Sit. Standing on my behalf is a waste of time.”

All of them listen to you, Chenle included, leaving you the lone pillar in a room full of money.

“Thank you for waiting for me.”

You don’t ever apologize for being late. Some things are out of your control. Sitting, you move your chair closer to the table. Chenle leans in, close enough for his lips to brush your ear. “I told you to just drive with me.”

You turn to him, unintentionally scanning over his face while he’s so close, and give him a small, fake smile. “And I told you I travel alone.”

It’s the first time you see annoyance pull at his brows. The only thing it does for you is make you give yourself a mental tally mark. Winning is your strong suit.

“Late on the first day isn’t a good look,” the man in the back on the right says. “It’s almost as if it’s not important to you.”

“First day?” You raise your eyebrows at him. “Bold of you to assume I haven’t been involved from the moment I signed a wedding certificate.”

“That’s hardly an excuse—”

“Jaemin,” Chenle interrupts him. “It won’t happen again. Leave it alone.”

Anger bubbles in your stomach as you watch the man at the end—Jaemin—immediately back down. Your words weren’t enough, but the second Chenle opens his mouth, the argument’s over? With the group of men, you talk financials from last quarter. You follow along easily thanks to the binder of data Chenle provided you with. Stopping on the fourth page, you frown.

Leaning over to Chenle, you nudge his shoulder. When you point at the page, his eyes follow. You turn your head to whisper in his ear, “This charge isn’t itemized. Little amounts may be fine, but a $143,000 charge with no itemization from one of your departments can’t be normal.”

“You’ve got sharp eyes,” he mutters, almost appreciatively.

“Obligations make you that way,” you return, brushing your hair back as you lean against your chair. Chenle’s button-up sleeves are rolled to his elbows, the tip of his pen tapping on the table as he listens to Jisung talk.

Chenle’s smart not to bring anything up just yet, as he’s likely to do more research before asking his team what is going on with something like that. You cross your legs and listen intently, but most of it is beyond your scope in his company, anyway.

“You’ll also have to decide on new positions as well.” Another man speaks up from beside your cousin.

“And what positions are those, Mark?” Chenle asks.

“COO and CFO nominations for the board to vote.”

“There isn’t any need for nominations for COO.” Chenle frowns.

“Why’s that?” One of the men, Jeno, follows up.

“Isn’t it obvious? The only person qualified for such a role is my wife.” Chenle crosses his arms over his chest, but this time, you can’t stop your outward reaction. Your jaw drops as all eyes fall on you, and you give him an incredulous look.

“Are you serious?”

“Why is this a surprise?” he inquires, gaze meeting yours.

It’s a surprise because nowhere in your signed contract did it say you were entitled to a position of power at his company.

“(Y/N) is an excellent candidate. She’s done great things at my uncle’s company,” Jisung butts in, nodding at you. “If it were up to a vote, she’d have mine.”

“We’ll reconvene for the vote. I have several candidates for CFO listed in the binders you received today, so you may vote on those as well.” Chenle pauses. 

You don’t realize your leg bouncing up and down until his palm presses against your knee. The movement is undetectable to everyone else, but it makes every ounce of air dissipate from your lungs. You calm down in an instant, no matter how much you hate to say it, and you clench your fists together in your lap.

“For now, my wife and I are going home,” he continues. “Have a good and productive day today.”

Everyone stands as he does, and you stare at him briefly when he extends his arm out to you. In that split second, you make eye contact with Jisung, who nods in encouragement. You let out a nearly invisible sigh, but you wrap your fingers around the crook of his elbow and allow him to lead you from the room. Once you’re far enough away from everyone, he still doesn’t let you go, a somewhat proud half-smile on his face. “After you pointed out that discrepancy, I almost switched gears and made you CFO instead.”

“You’ll learn quite fast that numbers aren’t really my strong suit.” You don’t even attempt to remove your grip on him. “My attention to detail makes up for the…lack of numerical intelligence.”

“I hope I didn’t take you too off-guard.” He opens the door to the building, disconnecting your arms to place his hand on the small of your back to guide you.

“Please.” You chuckle and shake your head. “You? Take me off-guard?”

“Competitive, too, huh?” He raises an eyebrow at you as he glances around at the different people with cameras surrounding you. Whether to keep you away from them or to keep up appearances, his hand slides from your back to your hip, gently pulling you closer to his side.

“Let’s just say I stopped being invited to family game night,” you admit.

Once the two of you make it to the car, you barely realize you’re disobeying your own rule of traveling alone. He grasps your hand to help you into the backseat, ignoring the flashing lights behind him as he watches you slide over.

He gets in after you, closing the door with a huff. “That’ll be a headline tomorrow.”

“You helping me into the car?”

“You smiled at me.”

“We’re married.”

“Nobody believes it.” He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair.

After a moment of your silence, he reaches over to grab your hand. You surprise even yourself when you allow him.

“I’m sorry. It’s not your problem. And it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks.”

“Don’t apologize.” You shake your head. “It doesn’t matter, Chenle. We’ll get our…obligations out of the way, and then you can find the love you claim you want.”

His jaw tightens as he looks forward, his grip on you loosening. “Right.”

“Why?” you ask. “Why is that what you want? With me, or with anyone.”

“Love is good for you.” He shrugs. “To have someone who actually cares for you more than themselves just because they want to. Ever since I was young, I wanted to marry for love, but I’d always understood it wasn’t in the cards for me. But I figured I’d at least be able to try. With whoever it was, at least I’d be able to try to be a proper husband.”

There’s much more complexity behind Chenle than what you initially gave him credit for. You figured he’d be the typical CEO, a man high on power who will do everything and anything to not only keep it, but to grow his influence. The version of him you see now doesn’t support that original thought, but you have a hard time believing it.

“Life is already dull and loveless as it is. Rich families don’t exactly enjoy time with their relatives. I figured you, of all people, would understand where I’m coming from in that aspect.” He fidgets with his wedding band. “I don’t want to bring children into a world where they won’t be loved.”

“You think I wouldn’t love my own children?” you ask.

“That’s not what I said.” He glances at you. “Children deserve a complete family. One with parents who not only love them, but each other. I didn’t have that growing up, and I refuse to put anyone else through it.”

“I see.” You understand his point all too well, but you don’t see the big deal. Even if you two were in love and had children, wouldn’t you still have nannies and cooks and all of the things that you had as a child?

“Again, I’m not forcing you into anything. So, you don’t have to try with me if you don’t want to. But I’m not searching for it somewhere else. Since we…are obligated to have children, I wouldn’t put them through a situation where they view their father as a cheater. When I signed that contract and the marriage certificate, I signed my life away to you. Sure, it wasn’t in a traditional way or necessarily…by choice, but we’re here.”

“Wow, you sure know how to woo a woman.”

“You’ve made your stance clear. All I ask is that whoever you…” he trails off and scoffs. “Whoever you decide to be with, you keep them away from any future children. And we’ll never force them into a marriage like this.”

“You want our children to marry for love?”

“Of course, I do.” He nods.

“Chenle, I…”

This time, you reach over to him to stop his excessive movement. The second your fingers wrap around his wrist, he stops.

“I think the same way you do. Hopefully, we respect each other enough not to be caught. Publicly or by children.”

“So, you really…There’s no chance? Of anything real between us?”

Your heart comes to a dead-stop in your chest, and the word ‘no’ hangs on the tip of your tongue, but for some reason, you can’t bring yourself to actually say it. It’s one simple syllable, but it’s so heavy in your mouth, you fear opening it will wreak havoc.

“I…I don’t know,” you reply, gulping.

He turns his hand so your palms are touching, and then he squeezes you gently. “All I ask is that you keep an open mind. It’s okay to let yourself have things you want, too. Not everything has to be an obligation.”

Before you can speak, the driver is opening the door for you and Chenle to get out. The two of you make your way into the house, but you’re honestly not sure where to go from here. You head upstairs toward the master bedroom to take off your dress.

“(Y/N),” Chenle calls, stopping you in your tracks. He continues, “I have to get clothes to change into. They’re still all in the master, but I’ll have the staff move them by the end of the week.”

You wet your lips. Standing on the third stair makes you taller than him, and he looks up at you with only kindness behind his brown eyes. You want to hate him. Or to only tolerate him. But through the moments of kindness, you know he’s the type of man you could be friends with. You could—

You stop that thought before it completes. “It’s your house. Do whatever you need to.”

He joins you on the third step and leans closer to you. “Wrong.”

“Wrong?” You tilt your head.

“Remember that everything I have is yours, too. This house belongs to you just as much as it belongs to me. As much as you hate to think so, I know you, (Y/N). The ball is in your court. You make the decisions around here, whether it’s what color the walls are or twenty kids running around the hallways. Whatever you want, I’ll make it happen.”

You gape at him, face red as he leans away from you and continues up the stairs without looking back at you. Once he’s far enough away, you clear your throat and pat your cheeks. Regaining your composure, you follow him up and find him working on the buttons of his shirt, his tie discarded on the bed.

“Does this bother you?” he asks. “I can go.”

“What makes you think it bothers me?”

“You’re staring.”

You head over to the closet instead of responding to him, more than ready to put pants on instead of the dress that’s much too tight for comfort. Once you’ve picked out your new clothes, you stay where you’re at and reach behind you for the zipper. After a few moments of struggling with it, you finally give up and decide to use your resources.

“Chenle?” you call out.

When he appears in the doorway, his shirt is absent, and you were pretty sure he’d been wearing a belt before. His arms are crossed over his chest as he leans against the frame, awaiting you to tell him what you need. You don’t have to actually speak. Instead, you turn your back to him and pull your hair over your shoulder. He hums behind you, keeping a respectable amount of distance before he grips the zipper.

“What did you do before me?” he asks, hesitant to pull it down.

“Staff.” You shrug. “But I mostly wore things I knew I’d be able to—”

The familiar sound and the rush of cool air against your heated skin as he reveals more of you has your breath catching in your throat. You cut yourself off, immediately reaching up to hold the dress to your chest.

“I’m a very accommodating man, (Y/N).” His voice sinks into every inch of you. “If you need something, tell me. I’m your husband. It’s quite literally my job to ensure you’re happy, darling.”

The heat radiating from his bare skin so close to yours has every thought in your brain flying away. Logically, there’d be nothing wrong with giving in to your temptation. It’d been a long time since anyone had touched you, and the man behind you is your husband. Physical attraction had nothing to do with emotions or feelings, so it was okay. One thing you’d never be able to deny is how he’s one of the most beautiful men you’d ever met. Your parents could’ve chosen much, much worse for you.

His voice centimeters from your ear startles you out of your trance. He says, “I wonder what you’re thinking about. You seem a bit distracted.”

“Wouldn’t you love to know.”

“Truly.”

“I need to change.”

“Do you?” He trails a finger up your spine. “You’re so soft. What an odd comparison to that steel wall you’re forcing yourself to keep up.”

“I think you’re forgetting your own boundaries.” You clench your fist into the fabric of your dress. “This wouldn’t be real.”

“What even is this?” His breath fans across your neck, and you’re sure you feel the sublest brush of his lips on your skin. “Tell me where you think this is going. After all, I’m helping you with your dress like a good husband.”

“My dress was dealt with minutes ago.”

“Darling.” He tsks. “If your dress was dealt with already, it would be long, long gone.”

Even like this, you refuse to let him win. If this were to be the extent of your relationship with Chenle, you’d be fine with that. You crave satisfaction, and you also know this is a means to an end. This may be the key to giving your family those fucking heirs they want so badly. In a bold move, you release your grip on the fabric and allow it to crumple at your feet.

“What?” You tilt your head, grinning when his breathing halts. “Are you the only one who can deliver?”

He places his hand on your hip. “Can I touch you here?”

“Mhm,” you inhale sharply when he squeezes, trying your best not to roll back against him.

“Here?” he whispers, splaying his fingers out along your stomach.

“What’s your goal?” you ask, looking back at him over your shoulder. “You seem like you want something from me.”

His face is much too close to yours, but for some reason, it does little to bother you. When his lips part, you don’t mean to squirm in his touch. His eyes sweep over your expression, his touch edging just a little further downward until he can play with the lace hem of your panties.

“I’ve told you what I want already.” His gaze locks on your mouth. “Everything. I want it all.”

You gulp, unable to speak for fear of making a fool of yourself.

“What about me makes this hard for you?” he asks.

Despite the softness of his voice, your proximity to him means you see the hint of hurt swimming around in his dark irises. The heat of his bare skin on yours has everything inside you awakening, but you can’t give him what he wants.

“The choice is yours.” He takes a deep breath. “Going forward, the choice is always yours to make. I’m yours in any way you want me.”

The atmosphere around you is so warm, charged, you can’t help the way you struggle to breathe. You lean closer to him, and when your lips brush his, his grip around you tightens. Before he’s able to initiate a real kiss, a knock sounds on the bedroom door.

“Mr. Zhong, you have a visitor.”

“God damn it,” he curses under his breath, annoyance replacing whatever vulnerability you’d just seen. Stepping away from you, he grabs a shirt for you and hands it to you.

You accept it quickly, embarrassment flooding through your system as reality sets in and you realize what you’d done. He stops in the doorway, stealing one more glance at you before he runs his fingers through his hair and walks out.

“What the fuck?” you mutter to yourself, patting your cheeks.

Your skin where he touched you suddenly feels much too cold, and you give yourself a few moments to calm down as you search for a pair of pants to put on. You pick your dress up off the floor and put it with your dirty laundry. You tie your hair up to get yourself to cool down, and then you follow Chenle out to see who saved you from making a decision you wouldn’t be able to come back from.

“You came all the way here to deliver a report?” Chenle’s voice cuts through the air before you’re able to see him, and you hear the agitation flooding through it.

You round the corner and stop at the top of the stairs, finding Chenle in the foyer with one of the men from the meeting earlier standing right inside the doorway with a binder. He’d slipped his shirt back on, retucked it, and even rolled his sleeves up. His hands are deep in his pockets.

“It couldn’t wait,” the man says.

“There are plenty of things that can’t wait in this world, and they wait anyway, Jeno.” Chenle shifts on his feet. “But you’re here, so give it to me.”

Jeno hands Chenle the binder, and he opens it. At the realization of what it is, the latter’s eyes close.

“You’re telling me that this has been going on for years?”

“Before you were even CEO, yes.” Jeno nods.

“My father knows about this?”

“I’m not sure.”

“What is your father supposed to know about?” you ask, finally making your presence known as you make your way down the stairs.

Chenle turns to you, his jaw clenching as his gaze travels on its own accord. “The amount you pointed out earlier. It’s not just one payment. There’s…an entire binder full of payments to someone that aren’t accounted for. That’s $143,000 a quarter, for longer than I’ve even been able to—”

“Should she really be involved in this?” Jeno grabs Chenle’s arm.

“She’s the COO of the company.” Chenle frowns at the other man. “And she’s my wife. If this is going on, it affects her, too.”

The other man releases him, and you join Chenle at his side. At this point, even pressing your arm against his is far too much contact for you, yet you crave it all the same.

“It’s new for them,” you remind your husband. “They’re not used to me yet. They’ll learn in due time.”

“Right.”

You hold your hand out for the reports, and he gives it to you. You flip through, noting the dates corresponding with the payments.

“I wouldn’t bring it up to your father,” you mention.

“What?” Chenle recoils. “Why not?”

“These charges have been happening for years,” you point out. “There’s a chance he might know about them. That he could be the one—”

“That’s impossible,” Chenle interrupts you, his posture immediately straightening out as he stands rigid.

“It’s not.” You keep your voice soft in an attempt to neutralize the situation, and you reach for his wrist. “All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t rule anyone out. We need to keep this within a circle while we do research. No one else can know that this has even been caught.”

As soon as your fingers wrap around him, the tension in his body melts away. He lets out a sigh, wets his lips, and nods. “You’re right. We’ll look into it.” He turns to Jeno. “No one can know about this. This stays between the three of us.”

“Of course,” Jeno confirms. “I’ll leave you with that information now. Have a good night, you two.”

“Thanks,” Chenle says.

Jeno leaves, the echo of the door closing behind him leaving you and Chenle draped in an awkward silence. You place the binder on the table on the glass table, turning to face your husband.

“Are you alright?” Chenle asks.

“Me?” You raise your eyebrows. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

He gives you a pointed look, one that tells you he’s in no way wanting to beat around the bush. “Don’t do that.”

“I’m…okay, yes. Maybe a little flustered, but I didn’t…hate what happened, if that’s what you’re asking.” You avoid his gaze, rolling your eyes as you stare off past him to the ornate details of the front door.

“We’re married,” he points out.

“Yes, I’m acutely aware of that fact, thank you.” Your fingers find the band of your wedding ring.

He pauses, but his gaze leaves goosebumps all over your body as he trails over you. “It’s clear we’re…attracted to each other. And you’re still sure you’d rather not attempt a real relationship.”

“We’ve talked about this.” You glance around, like the staff overhearing is the most embarrassing thing you’ll deal with.

“Not enough.”

“What else could we possibly add to that?”

“I don’t want us to tolerate each other, (Y/N). At the very least, we should try to be friends.” He takes a step closer to you.

You’ve been confronted by a lot of men in your life. There have been even more men who doubted your abilities, but none of them had ever intimidated you. Chenle, standing in front of you with a determined look on his face, intimidates you. A part of you—no matter how small it may be—knows he’s everything he says he is and more. He could give you the life you’ve always wanted, but you’re sure you don’t deserve it. Not until you’ve fulfilled your portion of the contract and take your place as CEO. Only then can you allow yourself to let go.

“Do you want me?” he asks. “In any way?”

“I don’t want to,” you tell him honestly. “But I do.”

“When we were on our honeymoon, or the semblance of whatever that was, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. About how we were forced into this arrangement, yet none of it…None of it feels wrong. You may not have paid me much attention beforehand, but for years before we were ever to be married, I’ve admired you. Your willpower and the way you hold your own. The independence you have. Your autonomy. I envy you.”

“Why? Why envy me?”

“Look at yourself.” Chenle puts his hands on your shoulders and turns you to look into the floor-length mirrors against the wall. “I’m not talking about how beautiful you are, even though that’s definitely an added bonus. I mean the utter tenacity you have flowing through your veins. The way you can command attention the second you walk into a room. How you’re unafraid to put men with decades of more experience in their places. You are…unapologetically yourself. This life, one of business, is significantly easier for me as a man, yet you’ve absolutely bulldozed everyone in your way.”

“Chenle—”

“I’m not done.” He taps his fingers against you.

Seeing him standing behind you in these mirrors is making your heart race, your brain jolting with electricity, and inexplicable thoughts running around your mind. He looks good like this. He watches you fondly, the admiration in his gaze evident.

“But you’re honest, too. With your intentions and with the way you want to live your life. I wish you’d give me the chance to prove how things could be, but like I said before, these choices are yours alone. Don’t get that confused with me not wanting to try. Because I’ll keep trying as long as you want me in…whatever way.”

You turn to him, craning your neck to look at him with your hands flat on his chest. “I’m beginning to think you’re crazy.”

“If trying to give my wife the life she deserves is crazy, then I’ll gladly claim that title.” A smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “Something tells me you might come around someday.”

“I wish you saw things the way I do,” you mutter.

“I think the same way. But as much as I understand your fears, they shouldn’t hinder you in your life. You’re allowed to explore all aspects. Business. Joy. Intimacy. Love.”

“And you’re an expert on intimacy?” You raise your eyebrows.

“Expert might be a strong word, but I won’t ever lie to you. I’ve been in love in the past and gotten hurt because of it. But every heartbreak is worth it if it leads you to the person you were made for.” His hands slide to your hips, fingertips barely applying any pressure. “If we find we’re not good for each other, I’d let you go. You’re bound to me in a legal sense only. Paper. It means nothing unless we make it mean something.”

“You…scare me,” you breathe out. “This scares me.”

“We’re doing something right, then.” He lets out a short chuckle. “But I like this. Being close to you. Knowing that we’d be so much better as a team than as roommates.”

“I’ve always worked alone.”

“Does that mean you’ve never been in love?”

You shake your head. “Never. I don’t give myself the time to feel things like that.”

“So, feel.” His finger brushes below your chin, angling you so your eyes meet his. “Tell me what you’re feeling right now.”

“I—”

“Don’t think. Feel.”

“I…I’m nervous. You can’t be real. I’ve only been burned in the past, but it feels like you’d…just keep me warm. I don’t know if I want that.” You gulp past the unexplainable lump in your throat. “It’s…overwhelming.”

“What can I do to help you?” Chenle asks. “Whatever you need. Tell me, and I’ll make it happen.”

“You.” Your voice almost refuses to work. “I want you, but I…I need time to see if that’s really it or if I’m tricking myself in order to fulfill these stupid obligations set for me.”

“Which obligations?”

“Heirs.” You avert your gaze, but he gently pulls you right back.

“Take whatever time you need. I mean it. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not going to push you into any situations like that.” He reaches up and plays with a strand of your hair. “But there are…plenty of ways to explore that side of our relationship without pregnancy being a risk. Or a reward, if that’s what you view it as.”

Your face burns. Never before has a man made you blush.

“With that in the open, does removing the pregnancy factor make you want me any less?”

You contemplate. While you’d love to say that portion of your contract was the last thing on your mind, you thought of it frequently. But thoughts of what he’s mentioning has your insides twisting and turning in every way, with or without heirs being involved. When he touched you earlier, his hands on your bare skin, that genuinely wasn’t a thought. You want him for personal gain, but not in the way you originally assumed.

“Never less,” you murmur. The warmth around you becomes unbearable, yet you still find yourself shivering. “I think we need to come back to this at a different time.”

“Of course.” He takes a step back, allowing cool air to rush over you. Grabbing the binder from the table, he gestures for you to follow him into his office. “Shall we move on to some numbers, then?”

Finally, you laugh shortly. “Yeah. Yes, that sounds good.”

After two hours of studying the documents, spreadsheets, and all the other information Jeno brought for Chenle, the two of you have gotten as far as discovering the payments were sent to the same bank account. Stress is written across his face, and eventually, you slide the binder away from him.

“You’re going to run yourself into the ground,” you scold him. “It’s time for a break.”

“What time is it?” he asks, massaging his forehead.

“Almost 8pm.” You lean back in your chair and cross your legs.

His lips part in shock, and he checks his watch. “Fuck. I’m sorry, I didn’t even…you haven’t eaten yet.”

“Neither have you,” you point out.

“We’ve already established that you’re more important.” He lets out a sigh, partially filled with frustration. “You know what? Why don’t you get changed and we’ll go out?”

“Together?” Your eyes widen.

“We’re married. It’d be weird if we went by ourselves.”

“Right, of course. Um, anything in particular I should wear?”

“The choice is yours.” He grins, and like it’s the easiest thing in the world, robs all of the oxygen from your lungs. You realize then that you don’t see him smile much, but the pang in your heart can only mean you want to see it over and over again.

“Okay.” You nod and stand. “Give me ten minutes.”

“Take your time. I’ll be waiting for you.”

“You sure you don’t want to pick?” you offer one last time.

“While that would honestly be an honor, darling, I’m trying to prove a point here.” He lifts himself to his feet and reaches across the desk to close the binder. “I could use a drink.”

You give him a small smile before you exit his office. Once he’s out of sight, you practically bound up the stairs. You’d been on dates before, sure, but this feels different. You know better than to let yourself look too far ahead, so once you’re in your closet, you want to make sure you wear something nice. You pick a dress you’re sure you can get yourself out of. Unlike your outfit from earlier, this one isn’t as tight to your figure, and the soft color matches you well. For business meetings, you only wear black. Wearing bright colors hasn’t ever brought you success, but you figure you can wear the purple for a date with your husband.

A date. Is it a date?

That part of it doesn’t matter. This dress makes you feel good about yourself, truly. Disgust immediately sends a shiver down your spine when you realize you’re beginning to ponder how Chenle will perceive you. He’s a man. You could wear a trash bag and he’d think you did something revolutionary. Brushing the skirt of your dress off, you grab a pair of heels, slide them on, and head back down the stairs. He waits by the door, his suit jacket back on and buttoned in the middle. He turns at the sound of your shoes on the floor, and he freezes in his spot.

“What?” you inquire.

“I just…I’ve never seen you in that color before.” He clears his throat, but his cheeks tinge with a light, barely noticeable pink. “You…it suits you well.”

“Thank you.” Before you attempt to leave the door, he grabs your jacket from the rack and drapes it over your shoulders.

“It’s cold, darling,” he mutters, making sure the fabric is secure on your shoulders.

“You don’t think it ruins the outfit?”

“Not a chance. Jacket or not, it’s my favorite of yours.”

“Relax with the compliments. You’re making me blush.” You brush your fingertips against his shoulder and exit the house.

“My hard work is paying off. Good to know.” He closes the door behind him and guides you to the car with his hand on the small of your back. “I’ll stop with the compliments if you ever stop deserving them. Which I doubt will happen, by the way.”

The drive is thirty minutes, and the city is still bustling by the time Chenle is helping you out of the car. His palm against yours makes your stomach flip, and you’re beginning to hate this effect he has on you. It seems like it hit you out of nowhere, and you’d prefer if it were to sink back into the depths of hell where it came from in the first place. But before you know it, you’re a glass and a half deep of wine, you’ve eaten enough pasta to get you through the night, and Chenle’s in the exact same boat you’re in. Between the two of you, you’ve finished a bottle, and it seems as if your husband is debating ordering another one.

You hide a laugh with another sip from your glass and shake your head. “I cannot believe we’re this out of order.”

“The order doesn’t matter as long as the end result is desirable. Isn’t that true?” He quirks an eyebrow at you.

“Mm, I’ve always been an order of operations girl. Everything has to happen in the exact right way.” You set your drink down and rest your head on your palm.

“I just realized I know…nothing about your past. Please, tell me what the younger version of you was like. What kind of trouble did you get into?”

“Wow, what makes you assume I got into trouble?” you tease him, unable to fight your smile.

He sucks in a deep breath and pats his legs. “God, I’m not sure. It couldn’t be the way you never take no for an answer or how you absolutely run over everyone in your way.”

“I’ll have you know that I am a very composed human.” You run your tongue over your teeth.

“I’d expect nothing less, to be honest.” He gives you a soft smile. “And for the record, I enjoy those qualities. There aren’t many people in this world that would be unafraid of calling me out if I’m doing something wrong.”

“You mean earlier.”

“I mean in general, but that does apply, yes.”

“I only want to be a balance for you.” You look down at the red liquid in your cup. “We’re meant to complement each other now, yeah?”

“I think we were the most strategic pair…ever.” Chenle nods.

“Can I be honest with you?” You take another sip.

“Absolutely.”

“You asked me earlier what about you makes this situation hard. Or what about you makes it hard for me to…let go of certain views.” You clear your throat, dreading the conversation more than you’d care to admit. “I feel like it’s…because a part of me knows the greatness we’d be capable of together. But I’ve worked hard to build my own greatness, and I can almost guarantee the second this becomes real, my greatness becomes ours.”

“Ah.” He purses his lips. “I won’t lie to you. There will be people that see it that way. But by being married to me, those people already exist.”

“I’m not talking about other people. I don’t care about them or their opinions.” You finish off your glass.

“You…you mean me?” His eyes widen in shock.

“That is a fear I have.”

He flounders for a second, and he scrambles for words for the first time all day. “I’m sorry, I just…I’m not sure if there’s anything I can say to make this better. I…(Y/N), I know my promises probably don’t mean much to you at this point, but I’d never discount you like that. Or take credit for anything you’ve done. How can I make that clearer?”

“It’s not your issue to correct.” You chew the inside of your cheek. “It’s mine. And I don’t say it to make you feel responsible, but as a forewarning, I guess. Being a woman and working my way to the top just to have…this thrust upon me is a little redundant.”

“You never wanted to marry in the first place.” It’s not a question.

“That’s correct.”

He blows out a long breath and looks down at his hands, twisting the wedding band on his finger. “You never saw this in the cards for you.”

“I knew I’d eventually have to marry for company purposes. My father would never let himself die before he knows I’ve carried on his line.” You snort and shake your head. “But I figured all of these types of marriages were the same. People signed their paperwork and barely acknowledged each other unless it was to reproduce.”

Chenle lets out a laugh. “Your word choice is interesting.”

“Shut up, you know what I mean.” You cover your mouth as you join him in laughter. “I just never thought you’d be…you.”

“I live to prove to you that you can have everything. We can be happy, have a real family, and still be at the top of our field. Both independently and together.”

Fortunately for the both of you, Chenle doesn’t order the second bottle of wine. Instead, he pays the bill and leads you from the restaurant with his arm wrapped around your waist. He opens the car door for you, and as you place your hand in his to enter, he squeezes your hand gently. Once you get home, the two of you separate at the top of the stairs, him heading off to a spare room down the hall while you step into the room that technically belongs to him. You change without interrupt, your silk nightgown soft on your skin as you climb into bed.

You stare up at the ceiling, tracing along it with your eyes as if you were drawing a map. Where the destinations were you had yet to figure out, but you imagined a whole new world up there, one where you didn’t have to have this wall up. One where you didn’t have to fight tooth and nail for a shred of respect you more than deserve. One where you didn’t have to be scared of what Chenle was trying to offer you.

You sigh, clutching the blanket to your chest. The wine has since settled in your system, yet your blood still runs warm. The map on the ceiling becomes mountains, oceans, continents. It forms real shapes, real geography in your mind, but you find the destination right in the middle is where you truly want to be. When you look at your phone, the time is already past 2 a.m., and you’re not anywhere near tired. You’re startled by the knock. You shuffle out of bed, crossing your arms over your chest as you crack the door open slightly.

Chenle stands there, hands buried deep in his sweatpants. His eyes sweep over you as you open the door wider.

“You’re up,” he comments.

“I couldn’t sleep.” You shrug. “You’re up. And here.”

“I was hoping I could talk to you.” He pauses. “I can’t stop thinking, and I just really don’t want to be alone right now.”

Your heart skips a beat. As much as you hate it, warmth spreads through your entire being at the thought of his first idea being you.

“This is your room, Chenle. I’m not going to tell you you can’t come in your own bedroom.” You step back to give him space to walk in, but he stays put outside, staring at you as if he’s seeing straight into your soul. You give him a pointed look, but give in. “Yes, it’s okay for you to come in here. I’d prefer company as well.”

He shuffles past you, tiredness clearly weighing down as the bottoms of his feet slide across the hardwood floor. You watch him closely, admiring him. Quickly, you realize that he fits into any room he walks in. He belongs anywhere and everywhere, and within moments, he makes you feel something you’ve only ever been able to provide for yourself until this moment—safe.

“Sorry,” he whispers with a sigh. “I need to stop thinking.”

“Trust me, I get it. Me too.” You stand with your arms still crossed over your chest and you rock back and forth on the balls of your feet. “Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

“I shouldn’t bore you.” He waves you off and sits on the edge of his bed. “How are you adjusting?”

“I’m okay. I’m not complaining about my accommodations.” You move and sit next to him, putting your hand on his knee. “You won’t bore me. If something’s bothering you, I want to try and help.”

His eyes sparkle even in the dark. The landscapes of the map you drew reflect in his gaze, and you swear you see every mountain, every body of water, entire worlds forming in his irises. How have you never seen this before? Why are you seeing it now?

“The payments,” he murmurs. “The idea that my father might know about them. Might be facilitating them. It’s driving me up a fucking wall.”

“When I said that, I didn’t mean to upset you.” You reach over and grab his hand. “We just need to take precaution when it comes to situations like this. If it is him and he knows we’re onto him, it might be…a bigger issue than it needs to be.”

“I know that. I guess it’s the idea that he’d be capable of something like that.” Chenle stares down at the way your thumb traces against his skin.

“You look up to him.”

“I did. I do. A lot, actually, so this seems so…backwards. That’s a lot of money per quarter, you know? I could only imagine what it’s going towards.” He turns his hand around so your palms are touching, and he gently intertwines your fingers. “Sorry, I should’ve asked if this was okay.”

“It’s more than okay. Don’t worry about me. Keep talking.”

“My parents never really loved each other. They grew to love their life together, but not each other. And despite that, I had a decent time growing up. They were good parents to me, and that’s what truly matters at the end of the day, but it makes me wonder if they’re…not these great people I’ve made them out to be in my head.” He lets out a short chuckle. “This sounds pathetic.”

“Hey.” Before you realize what you’re doing, you reach up to cup his cheek and bring his gaze back to yours. “Don’t talk like that. You’re not pathetic. These are valid concerns, and if you’ve been lied to for this long, you have every right to be upset.”

You’re so distracted by him, you barely even recognize the softness of his face. Your thumb runs gently along his cheekbone, and you watch as the frown fades from his features. Something you can’t recognize forms behind his irises, yet it still feels familiar. How do you explain how the normal beat of your heart hurts? How do you tell him that seeing him upset like this feels like needles running along your skin?

“My father would tell me I was foolish for hoping for love,” Chenle whispers. “He said it was a waste of time, since any man as busy as we are just isn't suited for it. For families.”

“If you’d asked me a few weeks ago, I would’ve agreed with him.” You squeeze his hand and give him a small smile.

“Something changed?” he asked.

“I don’t think that way anymore,” you admit. “Now, I’ve realized it’s about the amount of effort someone is willing to put in. It has nothing to do with time. We make time for those we care about.”

He leans into your touch as his eyes flutter shut. You admire the angelic glow the stars leave on his skin, and despite how tired he is, he’s still so fucking beautiful. Your throat dries at the sight, and you hate how it feels like your insides are at war.

“I like this,” he tells you. “Being with you like this.”

“Me, too.” You smile, even though he can’t see you. “You should try and sleep though. You’ll be exhausted tomorrow.”

His chest visibly deflates, and he places his hand on top of yours to pull it away from his face. “Of course. I…I’ll get going.”

You recoil, but you don’t let go of his other hand. “Oh. Is that what you want?” Nerves crawl around in your stomach. You figured he’d stay with you tonight, in his own bed. That maybe the two of you would learn to be better comforted by each other’s presence.

“You’re tired, and I’m keeping you up. I was inconsiderate.” He clears his throat.

“No, no,” you quickly interject. “That’s not what I meant at all. I’m only worried about you, so I was hoping you’d stay with me.”

“In here?” he asks.

You nod. “Yes. If it were my choice, you’d stay.”

“Damn, you got me there.” He delivers a tired grin and ultimately agrees. “I’d love that, (Y/N). Truly.”

You let him settle in beneath the comforter first, and he lifts it to allow you room to slide in next to him. Neither of you say anything else, but things seem to fall together naturally. He opens his arms, you push yourself against his chest, and then he wraps you up tightly in his warm embrace. He smells faintly of cologne, a soft, woody scent that engulfs you pleasantly. Despite the way you failed to fall asleep earlier, you struggle to remember a time you’d ever fallen into your dream world faster.

When you wake without Chenle in the morning, you’re sure you dreamed the last portion of the night. That is, until you see that it’s almost 10 am. You gasp and launch yourself out of bed. You never sleep in this late, so you quickly dress yourself and get ready for the day. Chenle’s side of the bed is mussed, so you determine it was, indeed, not a dream, and you make sure you look as presentable as your normal standard before you go downstairs to find where your husband disappeared to. The smell of breakfast emanates from the kitchen, so you naturally gravitate that way. When you step into the room, you’re taken aback by the company present. Not just your own parents, but Chenle’s as well. Your husband stands at the end of the table, clearly stressed with all of the people in your kitchen. He notices you first and breathes a sigh of relief at the sight of you.

“Wow,” you say as you approach Chenle and stand next to him. “Were we expecting everyone today?”

“Nope.” He chuckles and, much to apparently both of your surprises, he leans down and presses a kiss to your cheek. “Everyone showed up an hour or so ago.”

Through the burning of your cheeks, your gaze shoots up to his and you lower your voice. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“You looked really comfortable.” He shrugs.

“(Y/N), Chenle was just telling us that you’re accepting the COO position at his company,” your mother butts in. Of course, business talk immediately.

“Yes, we—”

“Isn’t that a little early? And don’t you have enough responsibilities as COO of my company?” your father grumbles, and you already start to shrink into yourself in his presence.

“She’s more than capable,” Chenle defends you. “If I didn’t think she could handle it, I wouldn’t have done it.”

“Don’t interrupt their family discussions, Chenle, that’s rude,” his mother scolds him.

“This marriage was a merger, was it not?” Chenle raises an eyebrow. “Doesn’t that technically make our families interconnected now?”

“We’ll consider them officially connected when she’s had her first child.” Your father points his finger at you. “Speaking of which, what’s taking so long?”

Your jaw drops, and you shift uncomfortably. It’s one thing to talk about your husband getting you pregnant with your own father, but him being so comfortable spitting things out like that in front of Chenle’s parents as well has you feeling queasy.

“We’ve been married for two months.”

“Your mother was pregnant after three weeks.”

“I don’t really want to hear about you impregnating my mother—”

“You’re making excuses, (Y/N), you know what’s on the line here.” Your father tsks at you, sipping from his water glass.

“Sir, all due respect, but it’s not like we knew each other very well. We’re both still getting comfortable with each other. And we’re young. We have plenty of time to have children.” As soon as the words leave Chenle’s mouth, you reach over and grasp his hand. It’s not visible below the table, but he squeezes you in reassurance.

“And what happens if she were to die tomorrow? My bloodline dies with her?” Your father narrows his eyes at Chenle. Your heart sinks in your chest, and you scratch your forehead.

“Even if she were to be pregnant, if she died tomorrow there wouldn’t be an heir either way,” your husband replies.

“Is there a reason we’re having such a lovely family reunion?” you butt in, hoping to curve their conversation.

“Do we need a reason to visit our daughter?” your mother asks.

“Typically, yes.” You shrug. “You never show up unannounced.”

“Oh, I take it they haven’t seen the tabloids,” Chenle’s father mentions.

You stand from your spot and pull your phone out of your pocket to check. You hear Chenle whisper something to the group before he pushes his chair back to join you. Despite the anxiety crawling up your spine, the warmth of him right behind you calms you.

“They came here because there’s a couple articles of people being shocked that we like each other?” you hiss, tossing your phone on the counter.

“Breathe,” Chenle tells you, putting his hands on your shoulders. “They’ll eventually leave us alone, but we’ve got to placate them for now.”

“Placate them?” You turn to him and raise your eyebrow. “You exchanged words with my father.”

“He said stupid things.” Chenle shrugs.

You chuckle. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Ah, but you said the people are surprised we like each other, so I’m assuming you enjoy how ridiculous I am.” He bites back a grin when he sees you blush.

“God, you’ve got to stop doing that.” You push gently at his chest and walk back to your parents and your in-laws.

“I’m not sure this is really something that should have blame assigned,” Chenle’s mother says. “I’ve seen married couples go years without children.”

You curse under your breath. Of course, this is still the topic of conversation.

“That’s not how it works in this family. Heirs come first immediately after marriage.” Your mother sips from a champagne flute.

“Well, that’s hardly Chenle’s fault—”

“He’s a man. How hard is it to impregnate a woman?” Your mother scoffs. “Please, she’s not ugly by any means.”

“Mother, dear God,” you snap. “Why in the world are we still talking about this?”

“I’m sorry, are you questioning my son’s…viability?” Chenle’s father narrows his eyes.

You want to combust into flames right then and there. The immediate assumption that the reason behind you not being with child yet is that Chenle simply can’t get it up. How fucking great.

“I’m just saying, there were other men contending for a contract that were more than willing—”

“That’s enough,” you shout.

You have four shocked faces staring at you, and you feel Chenle go rigid behind you.

“I am beyond tired of this conversation already. We’ve only been married for two months, and that’s just not enough time. I barely even knew him when I married him, and we’re trying to do this the normal way. As normally as we can.” You pause. “I’m the one that wants to wait. And it is a want, not a necessity, so neither of us are…sexually dysfunctional.”

Chenle holds back a laugh behind you, but four sets of eyes are still on you. And while it’s technically not the truth—as you’ve stated multiple times you’d be okay with having an heir quickly—you’d rather this portion of it fall on you than on him. Your parents would lose their minds.

“And let’s not forget that (Y/N) is a human with a career that’s just as important as mine,” your husband adds. “Having a child at this time could put her back immensely after all the hard work she’s put in. If she wants to wait, nobody should have a say in that other than her.”

With every word coming out of Chenle’s mouth, he gets more and more attractive to you. You wish today had been a simple morning, truly. One where you’d wake up with him next to you and he’d hold you for however long the two of you could stand to stay still for.

“You should be happy we’re trying to do this properly.” You cross your arms over your chest.

“Love is a waste of time in a business arrangement.” Your father sets his empty water glass on the table.

“I agree. It’s better to get the obligations out of the way first, and then worry about trying to create something real,” Chenle’s father agrees.

“Right, because that worked out so well for you,” Chenle says.

Today was going to be a long, long day.

Your parents and in-laws stayed for another hour, and then they (thankfully) willingly left on their own accord. As soon as Chenle closes the door behind his parents, you sigh in relief and slump your back against the counter. He approaches you without a word, and almost like it’s instinct, you wrap your arms around him. Running his fingers through your hair, he holds you as close as he can.

“I’m sorry my parents implied you’re impotent,” you mutter, and you and Chenle burst into laughter at the same time.

“Wow. Clearly the only two options for an explanation as to why you’re not pregnant within two months are impotency or your husband not finding you attractive. Which, for the record, neither of those are an issue.”

“Gross. But thanks, I think?” You lean back slightly to look at him and find him smiling at you.

“Just being honest. If I was impotent, I would’ve told you before we married for business purposes. And if you don’t know how attractive you are at this point, that would be one of the world’s biggest mysteries.” He pulls you to him until your chest presses against his. “But, since I was so rudely torn away from my beautiful wife this morning by our nosy, no fucking good parents dropping in like we’re fifteen years old, I wanted to thank you for last night. Since I couldn’t earlier.”

“Thank me?” You frown and tilt your head.

“I needed that. I didn’t even know it, but I needed it,” Chenle tells you.

“Of course,” you murmur. “You never have to be alone for those moments.”

“Just for those moments?” He fakes a pout. “Does that mean I have to go back to my own room?”

You give him a pointed look, and then pretend to be lost in thought momentarily. “Pretty sure that’s only when you make me mad. I guess married couples argue and then the wives send the husbands to the couch. But in this case, there’s an extra bedroom. Or twenty.”

“Can I…can I try something?” he asks, the tips of his ears turning red.

“Yeah.” You nod.

“Close your eyes,” he mutters.

If he was anyone else, you’d be asking a million questions. But this is Chenle, and you’ve grown to realize he’s exactly who he said he is. You trust him inexplicably.

“Wow,” he says. “Not even a sarcastic comment. I think I’m winning you over.”

You open one eye, push at his shoulder, and then close it again. You’re more than tempted to open them again when his hands cup your cheeks. His thumbs caress your skin, and your breath gets caught in your throat. Your heart races in anticipation as you await his next move, craving whatever it is he wants to give you. You gasp quietly when you feel his lips brush yours, and your body tenses.

“Relax,” he whispers. “It’s me.”

You don’t give him the opportunity to finish closing the distance between you two. You do it for him. Pushing yourself forward, you seal the kiss with him quickly, wrapping your arms around his shoulders to keep him close to you. He curses against you, and you follow suit when he wraps his arm around your waist and lifts you onto the counter. For a brief moment, he pulls away from you, chest heaving as he pants.

“Chenle.” You hate that it comes out as a whimper, but you love the way he reacts to it.

He kisses you again, harder this time while one of his hands tangles in your hair and the other sits on your thigh where the hem of your dress is. Instinctively, to make your dress ride up your legs more, you lift one and hike it up around his waist. The fabric slips past his fingertips, now resting much higher than it was before. You pull him closer until he’s right up against the lace of your panties.

“Fuck,” he curses lowly, digging his nails into your skin. “You’d better think this through, darling.”

A shiver runs down your spine, but heat floods your core. You need him.

“Please,” you whisper to him, watching as his eyes darken right in front of you. When you let your hand travel down his body, you smirk at how his length hardens further beneath your touch.

“Shit.” His hips unintentionally thrust into your hand. “Fuck, we should stop.”

You drop your head against his shoulder, retracting your hand away from him. “Well, impotency definitely won’t be a problem.”

He kisses up your neck. “Sorry. I don’t want to get carried away. Or even more carried away, I guess.”

“Look at me.” You wait for him to listen to you. “You don’t have to hold back if you don’t want to. Your desires are just as important as mine.”

“Before we…do anything, I need to make sure I have condoms.” He clears his throat and removes your leg from around his waist.

“Wait, what?” You frown and lean away from him. “What do we need those for?”

“Are you serious?” He takes a step back.

“Well, yeah. We’re married. We need to have children, why would we use condoms?” You run your fingers through your hair.

He sighs and runs his hands down his face. “We talked about this. I was under the impression that we were figuring this out first and then worrying about how and when we’d have children.”

“We can’t do both at the same time?”

“Did you ever think that maybe I don’t want kids yet?” He tilts his head at you and narrows his eyes. “Yes, I understand that’s part of the deal and why we’re even married in the first place, but I don’t want to even risk having kids if I don’t know it’s really me you want.”

Embarrassment floods through you, and you slide off the counter and send him back a few more paces. You pull your dress down and grimace at the thought of being in a position like that.

“After everything we’ve talked about and the time we’ve spent together, you really think that’s not true? You think I don’t want you?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. All of this is confusing. And then our parents are here pressuring you into having a kid, and you’re—”

“Oh, my God.” Your jaw drops, and you brush off your skirt. “You’re literally the one who kissed me. And then you put me on—God forbid I ask a simple question, right? That must mean I’m trying to jump your bones to get my way.”

“(Y/N), that’s not what I said—”

“Maybe not, but that’s sure as hell what you meant. And here I am, like a fucking idiot, letting you touch me when you think that fucking low of me.” You clench your fists at your side, and you’re unaccustomed to the way your heart twists so hard in your chest. “God, fuck you.”

You turn away from him and stomp off, painfully aware of your over-exaggeration. The logical side of you begs you to calm down, since both of your concerns are valid, but the side of you you’re experiencing for the first time is stronger than what you’re accustomed to. When you make it upstairs and to your room, you sit on the edge of the bed and force yourself to breathe. Chenle’s assumption hurt you. It’s as simple as that. You’ve let yourself like him, and now he has this power over you. With a simple miscommunication, it feels like everything is falling apart before it even begins.

You blink rapidly to stop the tears from welling in your eyes, and eventually, you’re more annoyed by your reaction than by the actual situation. The door creaks open, and Chenle walking in makes relief flood through your veins. He moves over to you and sits down next to you, reaching over to grab your hand.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

You nod and lean into his chest, craving his comfort. He sighs, wraps his arms around you tightly, and strokes your hair. With your ear pressed against him, you hear how his heart beats just as hard as yours.

“I think we both got a little carried away there,” he murmurs.

“Yeah,” you agree. “I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I got so upset.”

“I’m sorry, too.” He kisses the top of your head. “It’s never my intention to hurt you. Or to make you regret anything we do.”

You sit there in silence, appreciating the comfort he gives you simply by being next to you.

“I was…I don’t know. Embarrassed, I think.” You chuckle at yourself, but you don’t find it funny at all. “That you would think I’d just…do that without being truthful to you. I’ve had a lot of men assume things about me throughout my entire life. Because of my success, it’s either from my father handing it to me or because I slept my way to the top. So, I’m sure you can see why I had trouble comprehending that as anything else.”

“And I hope you know that’s not what I was thinking at all. I know how much of an influence your parents have had on you. All I ever want to do is make sure you’re making your choices for you. I never communicated that I would want to use condoms if we started sleeping together because I didn’t really assume we’d get there.” He squeezes you closer to him and takes a deep breath.

“I’m also sorry for yelling at you.” You scrunch your nose up and look at him. “That was…really weird.”

“Weird?” A small smile pulls at his lips.

“I’ve never felt anything like that before. And it’s scary that you have that kind of power over me, even if I know you wouldn’t use it against me intentionally.”

“Learning how to manage those feelings will come with the territory. Have some faith in me, alright? I’m not saying things just to bring you down.” He tilts your head up, his gaze scanning over your face. “I want you to be happy. Obviously, bonus points if I’m a part of that happiness.”

“You are.”

“Good. You deserve only good things in life, and I need to make sure you get them.”

He leans down and presses his lips to yours, gently working your mouths together. You sigh into him and tangle your fingers in his hair. Everything about this feels good. It has warmth spreading in your chest from knowing someone in this world cares for you beyond what you can give them. You know he wants you, but you also know he’s going to have your best interest in mind.

He breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against yours. “We’ll learn each other, darling. Everything will work out the way it’s meant to.”

Whether intentionally or not, you and Chenle keep your distance from each other for a couple days. Today, however, you’ve no choice but to be around each other later for the board meeting, where they’ll vote on the CFO position. And your COO position, but Chenle made it very clear that the vote was simply a formality. You choose a black dress, zip it up, put your earrings in, and head downstairs, where your husband waits for you by the door. He looks at you as you stop on the bottom step, a loud clack coming from your heel.

“Yes?” You tilt your head at him.

“Are those earrings new?” He buttons his suit jacket.

“Not new.” You shake your head. “I just haven’t worn them since we married.”

“Right.” He walks over to you and offers you his arm. “Do you like receiving new things?”

You loop yours through his and allow him to guide you toward the door. “I guess that would depend on the context of receiving.”

“If I buy things for you, will they be well received?” he asks.

“You think you know me well enough to buy me things I’d enjoy?” You bite back a smile as he leads you outside and to the car.

With his hand on the small of your back, he helps you into the backseat before following. “I think I’d figure it out fairly quickly. I’m a smart man.”

“They…would be received. Maybe not well, but received nonetheless.”

He chuckles and shakes his head, relaxing against the seat. “You’re something else, you know that?”

“I can’t make it too easy for you.” You purse your lips, and without much thought, you scoot closer to him and place your hand on his.

“I don’t think easy is the right word for most things when it comes to you.” He laughs, turning his smile toward you.

“Most things?”

“Being with you is easy. Or around you, I should say. You’re pleasant company. Easy to have an intellectual conversation with, easy to relax around. Those are the easy things.”

“Wow.” You bite back your grin. “You sure know how to woo a woman.”

“Not just any woman,” he interjects. “My wife.”

“Your wife.” It’s the first time you’ve called yourself that out loud, and it has a weird, unrecognizable feeling sprouting in your stomach.

“I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but it seems like you’re coming around a little bit.” He nudges you gently. “I’m not sure how it’s possible, but I’ve missed you the past few days. After the other day, I wanted to give you space in case you didn’t want to see me, but I should’ve thought to ask you.”

He stares down at where your hands are connected, his thumb rubbing against your skin.

You fight the urge to touch his face again. “I…I’ve missed you, too, I think.”

“You think?” Humor laces in his tone.

“I don’t know. I’ve never wanted to be around someone like this before.” You shrug, heat gathering in your cheeks. “Forgive me while I navigate whatever’s going on inside my brain.”

“I want to know everything you’re thinking,” he murmurs, brushing your hair behind your ear. “Every joke, unimportant sentence, emotion, process. I want to know you.”

You lean forward and press your lips to his without a single thought in your head, but he reciprocates with ease. Almost as if he’s not taken off-guard in the slightest.

“I could get used to that,” he says against your lips. “No more silence, okay? I don’t want to be away from you.”

“No more silence,” you agree.

When the two of you pull away from each other, your eyes widen at the sight of your lipstick on his lips. You grab his arm to stop him from getting out of the car and use your thumb to wipe the excess away.

“Made a mess, did you?” He grabs your wrist to stop you. “You don’t want anyone to see that you like me that much?”

A grin follows his words, and he grabs his handkerchief out of his pocket.

“No one can know I actually have a heart,” you interject, watching as he wipes his mouth.

“Alright.” He puts his hand on your knee and squeezes. “Are you ready?”

If there’s one thing you know for sure, it’s the overwhelming attraction you have for Chenle. You take him in for a moment, the dark sweep of his hair parted to reveal his forehead, the way he grips you, the way he watches you as if you’re the only person in the world to exist.

“Before we go,” you start, chuckling quietly at yourself for the question you’re about to ask him. “Did…did you ever get condoms?”

His lips part in shock, and he blinks and flounders for words for a solid few seconds before he clears his throat. “I…I mean, I did, but not because I thought we would—it was just a precaution, you know?”

“Do I make you, Zhong Chenle, so nervous that you’re stuttering right now?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” He pats your thigh. “Absolutely, you do.”

You silently thank whoever made this car for the partition between the driver and you and Chenle. “I could do so many other things to you that are so much better.” You gently touch his tie, wrapping your fingers around the fabric and pulling on it to bring him closer to you.

“I truly have no doubt that’s true.” He wets his lips. “If we don’t get out of this car in the next ten seconds, I’m having the driver fucking turn us around. We can’t miss the vote.”

“I guess receiving the title of COO is a little more important than banging my husband.”

“Fuck, I need to get out right now.” He glances up at the ceiling and throws the door open without any more hesitation. Like usual, he turns and offers you his hand.

You take it gratefully, and you loop your arm through his once your feet are safely on the ground. While you follow his lead, you realize something that has the gears in your brain turning. Chenle is the only man you’ve ever accepted guidance from. As miniscule as it seems to allow him to walk you inside, you can’t deny how you’d willingly follow him wherever he may go.

The vote does go off without a hitch, and not even half an hour after you receive your title, you’re in an office plugging away at whatever work needs to be done. Unfortunately, you’re awfully distracted by the thought of Chenle by himself down the hall. A knock on the glass door jolts you out of your thoughts. You see Jeno standing there with a file in his hands. You beckon for him to come in, and he gestures at the seat as if to ask you if he can sit.

“Please.” You nod, folding your hands together. “Did you need something?”

The man hands you the file. “We were able to trace the owner of the bank account, and an address associated with it. I…I figured it’d be best to leave this information with you, given that this could be sensitive information.”

You open it, glancing through the charges. “It started with a different bank account and name.”

“It did. Payments were originally made to a Liu Shuye, and just over two years ago, the bank account switched to a Liu Sujia.” Jeno pauses and takes a deep breath. “I think it’d be better for you to do this portion of it on your own.”

“They have different surnames.” You tap your pen on your desk. “And you’ve never heard of this person before today?”

“Not once.”

“Very well.” You sigh and close the folder, gaze meeting Jeno’s. “Thank you. I’ll look into this further and determine at what point Chenle needs to be involved. For now, Jeno, keep this between us.”

“Of course.” Jeno nods and stands. With a quick bow of his head, he moves to the door. “He’s a good man, (Y/N). Chenle, I mean. But he feels too easily, so tread carefully with whatever you find.”

“I will.”

Once Jeno departs, you cross your arms over your chest and stare down at the information delivered. These payments were made for years, so you’re unsure of how this could relate to Chenle in specific, but you feel an overwhelming resolve to make sure whatever this is doesn’t hurt him.

Chenle came to get you from your office at almost 7pm. He refused to let you work any longer and insisted he had to take you home. Your mind has been turning since Jeno brought you the documents, but you leave them buried in your desk and lay your head on Chenle’s shoulder for the duration of the car ride home. Once you're inside the house, Chenle takes your jacket off your shoulders and hangs it. You turn to him and grab his hand.

“Come to bed with me?” you ask.

“Of course.” He gives you the softest smile, and as you walk up the stairs, he follows closely behind you.

The two of you step inside his room. Chenle closes the door and then wraps his arms around your waist and tugs your back to his chest. He buries his head in your neck, a hum escaping past his lips.

“Are you tired?” you ask him, reaching up to play with his hair.

“No,” he mumbles. “I just want to be close to you. It’s been a long day, and you make me feel better.”

“Is that so?” You face him and tilt your head.

“I was scared to fall for you, too,” he whispers. “For anyone, but especially you. I know the reasons we’re here are vastly different from a conventional marriage, but I already wanted you before all of this.”

Your heart thuds in your chest as you realize his use of past tense. He was scared. Does that mean he already has fallen for you?

“C’mere,” you mutter. “We can be closer.”

“Are you sure?” He cups your cheeks, thumbing your skin. “I know we’ve gone back and forth a couple times, but I need you to know you don’t have to do anything for me. Ever.”

“Kiss me, Chenle.”

All events of the day are forgotten as soon as his lips are on yours. His hands explore along your back, fingers clenching onto the fabric of your dress as he inhales shakily. When he pulls away, it’s only for a second, as if he can’t stop himself from going back for more.

“Please tell me this means something to you.” He gulps, his words punctuated by kisses as he turns you around and walks you backward. “That I’m not crazy for wanting you the way I do.”

As the back of your knees make contact with the bed, you grip onto his shoulders, breathless from the passion behind his kiss. “You’re not crazy. It’s terrifying how fast you’ve become all I think about. Your smile and your laugh and the passion you carry. This means everything to me.”

His eyes sparkle in the lamp-lit room, a warmth dancing around in them you’ve never seen from anyone before. He finds the zipper of your dress, slowly pulling it down.

“I hope you truly know how fucking exquisite you are,” Chenle murmurs, removing the fabric from your body and returning his touch to your back to explore your bare skin. “I don’t want to fight these feelings anymore.”

“Do something about it, then.”

The heat radiating from him keeps the chill of the air in the room off of your skin, and after he guides your back down on the mattress, he haphazardly tosses his suit jacket away. You scoot back to give him more space, and he climbs on top of you. You part your legs further, nearly gasping when he takes his spot between them, pressing against you as if he were made to fill that space. As he takes your lips with his own, you work on the buttons of his shirt. Your hands shake, making it difficult, but he doesn’t mention it. He keeps kissing you like he’ll die of thirst the second he pulls away.

You finally get the last one, and he sits up briefly to rid himself of the extra material. Before it’s even completely removed, you reach down for his belt. He stares at your hands as you unbuckle it, but you don’t have time to slide it off him. When his mouth crashes into yours again, you lift your hips up.

A quiet, needy sigh passes through his lips. “God, I fucking need you so bad.”

“I’m yours,” you tell him. “Show me how much you need me.”

He grinds down against you, and his hard length slides against the wet spot in your lace panties. That time, you do gasp. It’s been much too long since you allowed yourself pleasure by another’s hand, and you crave that closeness with Chenle.

“Can I touch you?” he asks, voice rough.

“Please.” You nod. “Touch me wherever you want.”

He curses under his breath, but he presses his lips to yours once more, then along your jawline, down your neck, and paying attention to the valley between your breasts. He squeezes the right one, rubbing his thumb against your nipple through the somewhat thick material.

“You’re so fucking pretty.” He nips at your skin, and you already know he’ll leave marks on you. Pausing, he takes a deep breath. “You—you’ve done this before, right?”

“Done what?”

“Sex.”

“I have. Why?”

“No, I just…you said you’d never been in love before and I didn’t want to just assume that you—”

“Just keep going.” You blush, but he listens to your command without hesitation.

When his mouth continues downward, leaving a trail of his saliva on your stomach until he reaches the hem of your panties. He tongues along the band, his eyes flicking up to yours.

“Good God,” you whisper, the urge between your legs becoming far too much for comfort. “What are you doing?”

“Getting my fill.” He leaves open-mouthed kisses along your inner thighs.

When his thumb brushes your clit through your panties, your hips jolt. You curse, grasping onto the sheets as you prepare yourself for whatever he has planned. He smirks at your reaction, and as he pulls at your underwear, you lift up to urge him to move faster. He wraps his arms around your legs, his hands pressing your hips down into the mattress. Even though he opens his mouth to speak to you, his eyes don’t leave your glistening core.

“You can stop me if you change your mind. Just tell me.” He gulps, wetting his lips like he’s struggling to hold back.

“I won’t change my mind,” you reassure him.

“But you need to know it’s always an option.” He squeezes you gently, and without awaiting your response, he slides his tongue from your entrance to your clit.

No matter how embarrassing it is, you can’t stop the whimper escaping you. His tongue flicks your clit one, two, three times as he digs his nails into your skin. Pleasure isn’t entirely foreign to you, but you’re sure it’s the way your soul has begun craving Chenle’s that makes this so much better than anything else you’ve experienced. His grip on you keeps you from squirming too much, but you try regardless. As he steadily moves over your clit, your back arches off the mattress. Whines leave your mouth as you run your fingers through Chenle’s hair in encouragement.

He takes your sensitive bud into his mouth, sucking to add pressure, only to release it and start all over again. You lift yourself on your elbows to watch him, all while practically pushing his head further between your legs. His eyes are closed, and seeing his lips work on your core has to be one of the most erotic things you’ve ever witnessed.

“You taste so fucking good,” he groans, the vibrations against your entrance sending shivers up and down your spine.

You feel yourself approaching the edge. Your body tenses, but your high won’t take you. Cursing quietly, you lift your hips in an attempt to figure out why the hell you can’t get out of your head. Chenle pulls away from your core, pressing kisses to your inner thigh. “Relax, darling. It doesn’t matter how long it takes.”

“Please just…” You drop your head back on the mattress and let out a defeated breath. “I want all of you.”

He leans over to the bedside table and grabs a condom, trailing his lips up your body once more until he reaches your neck. His teeth graze your skin. “You can trust me, (Y/N). I’ll take care of you.”

“I do,” you mutter, running your fingers through his hair. “I swear I do.”

“It’s not me you have to convince.” He nips your collarbone. “We don’t have to keep going if you’re not ready.”

You shake your head. “I’m ready. I want you.”

“Okay.” He nods, pulling back to meet your gaze. His features are soft, nothing short of adoration in his eyes. “Try not to think about it too much. Just feel.”

“I’ve never been good at that.” You chuckle and grin at him.

“I’ll show you how, baby. I’ve got you.”

You crane upwards to kiss him, and he meets you in the middle. Tasting yourself on his tongue has you sighing into him, and you push at his pants in hopes that he’ll take the hint. He pauses to rid himself of the rest of his clothing, and then slides his hands beneath you to unclasp your bra. You arch your back to give him more space, and soon enough, nothing separates you from your husband anymore.

“You’re sure?” he asks you again, grabbing the wrapper once more.

“I want you,” you confirm.

Despite the confidence you usually feel, something here feels more…vulnerable than you’ve ever been. Your heart flutters in your chest as he opens the condom and slides it on, and you spread your legs further as he climbs over you again. No man has ever made you nervous before, even in similar situations, but something with him is different. You care about him. You want him to feel good, too, and you crave his promises of taking care of you.

“Need you to relax,” he whispers, peppering kisses on your jawline as he lines himself up with your soaked entrance. “Close your eyes, darling, just let yourself feel.”

You tilt your head back to give him better access to your neck, and you listen to him. Through the darkness, you see the world you drew on his ceiling, the one with beautiful landscapes, overarching mountains, fresh, clean streams, and you sigh in content. The middle of the map, the location you craved to be in, is right here. With him. His breath catches in his throat as he slides inside you, his length stretching you. He gulps and rests his head on your shoulder as he attempts to steady himself. You tangle your fingers in his hair, combing through the midnight strands. After both of you calm down from the initial overwhelming movement, you wrap your legs around his waist and lock your ankles together, tugging him up to kiss you. His lips work softly on yours, and he slowly grinds against you. He pulls out until only the tip is inside, and as he pushes back in, he moans into your mouth. Your body shudders at the sound.

“Tell me how it feels,” he says, chest pressed to yours. “How do I make you feel?”

“Chenle, I—” You blush despite the situation.

“You don’t have to be shy with me, baby. Let me help you.” He repeats his previous movement, and you watch as his eyes flutter from the pleasure. “I can tell you how it feels for me.”

You nod. “Please.”

The pace he sets is slow but has electricity coursing through your veins anyway. He continues to pull out almost all the way, just to allow you to experience the entirety of his length rubbing against your inner walls.

He gulps, pressing his lips to your ear. “You’re divine, darling. You’re squeezing me so tight, I could stay here forever. It’s like you were fucking made for me, soaked and so fucking warm, baby, you take me so well.”

Everything he does is like a lightning strike, every fiber in your muscles breaking down as you yearn for this completion. You know you’ll never be able to stay away from him. Even if you don’t finish, this journey is just as good as the destination.

“Feels like I’m on fire,” you whisper. Thankfully, your eyes are closed, or he’d see them roll back. “You’re everywhere and it’s still not enough.”

He picks up his pace a bit, and a moan tumbles from your lips. He holds himself up on one of his elbows, his other hand gripping your thigh.

“That’s it.” He kisses you, gently biting at your bottom lip as he pulls away. “I could never have enough of you. Need you always. Forever.”

Your heart thuds against your ribcage, and despite the pleasure clouding your brain, you allow those words to sink in through your skin and bones, deeper still until they reach your soul. There, they repeat over and over again until they’re permanently tattooed upon every recognizable piece of yourself. The hand on your thigh skirts downwards, his palm pressing on your abdomen as his thumb brushes your clit. You jolt and whine, digging your nails into his shoulders. He curses, but doesn’t let up. As the knot forms in your stomach, you open your eyes to watch Chenle, his face scrunched in pleasure as your walls flutter around him as your high approaches. He doesn’t look away from you, and as you lift your hips to match his thrusts, his fist clenches the sheets next to your head.

“So fucking wet,” he groans, his thumb never faltering in pace as he rocks his hips against yours. “You’re so perfect, darling. Gonna let me feel you cum?”

Between the slide of his length inside you and the pressure on your sensitive bud, you’re dazed at best. You nod, gripping onto him.

“I’m so close,” you whimper. “God, I want it so bad.”

Chenle adjusts his hips, and the next time he thrusts in, he hits a spot that has you seeing stars. You’ve never unraveled like this before, but your body shakes as overwhelming pleasure takes over, your vision spotting as you cry out and grip onto your husband. Your toes curl as he quickens his pace, and it doesn’t take much longer for him to press himself as deep as he can to finish in the condom. His body slumps on top of yours, his chest heaving as he presses his lips across your hot skin.

“(Y/N)...” he says between pants. “Oh, my God.”

You let out a breathless giggle. “I didn’t do any of the work.”

“Promise you, just you being here is more than enough for me.” He kisses your cheek and gently removes your legs from his waist. “I’ll be right back.”

You stop yourself from whining at the loss of him inside you, but as he goes to dispose of the condom, you get yourself clothes to put on. You slide a new pair of panties on before setting your silk pajama set on the bed.

Chenle’s arm wraps around your waist, and he presses his back to your chest. “What are you doing?”

“Getting dressed.” You chuckle. “What should I be doing?”

“Absolutely nothing.” He presses a kiss to the base of your neck. “Supposed to be naked in bed and waiting for me.”

“Ah, is that so?” You pretend to be in thought, tapping your fingers on his wrist.

“Mhm. Don’t you know bare skin-to-skin contact promotes good bonding?” He pulls you away from the foot of the bed and guides you back to where he left you. “Bet you’ll sleep better, too.”

The two of you climb into bed together, and despite the way your internal temperature is much too high, you still thrive in the extra warmth of his embrace. You rest your head on his chest, his nails gently scratching up and down your back. He falls asleep first, his steady breathing nearly lulling you as well. You adjust your head on the pillow so you can see the softness of his features, and you allow yourself to reach up and trace along his cheekbone. If anyone had asked you at the beginning if you’d ever thought a moment as intimate as this were possible, you’d quickly tell them no. There was no way you’d ever let yourself be so vulnerable with anyone. Especially not someone who has no obligations to you other than legally marrying you.

But this is more. It’s so much more than a business arrangement, and maybe a part of you has always known that. It wasn’t hating him you were scared of, but loving him.

But here you are. And you’re long past falling.

Your morning is unfortunately hectic in the wake of the events of last night. Of course, you should’ve expected moments of relaxation in your marriage to be nearly non-existent, but neither you nor Chenle wanted to get out of bed. Despite that, today you planned on going to the address listed on the bank account. You roped Jisung in, even though he didn’t know all the details. He’s your cousin, after all, and he wasn’t going to let you do anything potentially dangerous on your own. Although, you’re not sure he could do anything in a ‘dangerous’ situation anyway. He may be physically giant, but he truly acted like a teddy bear.

You and Jisung sit in the backseat while the driver takes you to the house, and you’re flipping through a binder of papers while Jisung is on his phone.

“You know.” He pauses, waiting for your attention. “I stopped by your house last night.”

You turn to him and frown. “You did? How come I didn’t see you?”

“When I arrived, the staff said it would be best not to interrupt you at the time. They didn’t really say why, but I can only imagine. Either you and Chenle were in the process of murdering each other, or you guys are really going all in on the heir making.”

Your face heats up and you scratch your head. “I—I took your advice, is all. We’re kind of trying to figure things out, I think.”

“Uh huh. So the turtleneck isn’t a strategic move?”

“Park Jisung!” You push his shoulder. “You can’t just say stuff like that.”

“No, of course not.” He bites back his teasing grin. “I’m just saying, it’s good that you’re opening up to him. You guys are pretty much stuck together, so you should at least try to make the best of things.”

“But yes, we are certainly…making the best of things.” You grin to yourself and focus back on your binder.

“So, I can stop hearing your dad complain about no heir news soon?” He rolls his eyes. “That man is truly insufferable.”

You shake your head. “Can’t say the possibility is zero, but we used protection, so probably not. And yes, my father is insufferable. When he came over last time, he implied Chenle was impotent in front of both of his parents.”

“I’m shocked by both—why not try for pregnancy if you’re already sleeping together? And why would you not being pregnant after two months mean Chenle’s impotent?”

“You just live for drama, don’t you?” You quirk an eyebrow at him. “My husband would prefer to only have a family if it’s a real one. Meaning we would love each other. And I don’t question my father’s logic. I’m not sure how he got as far as he has in business when he lacks so much common sense. Like I’m a breeding mule or something.”

“Huh.” Jisung pauses and slumps back against his seat. “Aren’t you lucky?”

“Luck has nothing to do with it, Andy. None of this is short of hard work.”

Your driver opens the door, and before Jisung can respond, you’re stepping onto the sidewalk. The house in front of you is in a suburb, an exact replica of everything else around it. It’s not remarkable by any means. For someone making over half a million dollars every year, they sure do still live modestly.

“Don’t say a word,” you warn Jisung. “I’ll handle this.”

“Considering I have no idea what’s going on, I will happily let that happen.”

You stop at the front door, knocking three times. Standing completely rigid, you wait for anyone to answer. Once it opens, you’re confronted by a surprised woman. Her hair is long and black, reaching the center of her back. Brown eyes widen in shock.

“You can’t be here.” She moves to shut the door, but Jisung stops it over your shoulder.

“I’m—”

“You’re Chenle’s wife. I know who you are.” Her jaw tightens. “You need to go.”

“Unfortunately, that’s not an option. I’m here on company business, because apparently someone decided sending $143,000 a quarter to your bank account was acceptable. You can let me in, or we can make a spectacle out here. It’s your choice.”

The woman, who can’t be too far from your age, blinks through her frustration and opens the door wider for you to step inside. You do, and she gestures to the couch.

“Have a seat. I’ll grab us all some water.” She exits the room, and you and Jisung sit down on the couch.

Despite you being resilient in hiding your nerves from people, Jisung is able to read you like a book. “Don’t jump to conclusions,” Jisung warns you quietly. “You have no idea what’s going on.”

“Right. Only her being familiar enough with my husband to only use his first name. Not a big deal at all.” You clench your fists together.

“You said he had no idea about the payments.”

“Doesn’t mean he doesn’t know her.” You shake your head. “He has no idea I’m here.”

Movement catches your attention, and you see eyes peeking around the corner. Your jaw drops before you can stop yourself, and then the small child steps into the open. You grasp onto Jisung’s sleeve, and those conclusions he told you not to jump to? Yeah, you dive into them.

“Who are you?” he asks. He can’t be more than four, and he looks achingly familiar.

“Jisung,” you whisper.

Jisung leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I’m Jisung. Who are you?”

“My name is Yichen.” He walks over and sits on the coffee table in front of you and your cousin. “I’m almost five.”

“Wow,” Jisung feigns surprise. “You’re getting so old.”

“That’s what my mommy says, too.” He scrunches up his face.

You’re struggling to breathe at this point, and that’s when Sujia decides to come back. She curses under her breath the second she recognizes her child in the room, and she quickly sets the glasses of water down before shooing him back up the stairs. You’re suddenly, painfully aware of Chenle telling you he’s been in love before. Of knowing there are women out there he’s wanted in the same way he’s sure he wants you.

“I think I’m going to puke,” you whisper to Jisung, careful not to let Sujia hear. “You don’t think…?”

Before Jisung can confirm or deny whether your suspicions are valid, Sujia sits across from you on the couch. The first thing you do is look for a ring on her finger, and when you don’t find one, you feel an unmistakable lump form in your throat.

“Why are you here?” she asks. “I’ve done everything I was supposed to. I haven’t told anyone anything, and my son and I are peacefully living far away from everything.”

“That’s the issue. I haven’t the faintest clue who you struck some sort of deal with for this money, nor do I know why. And if you want the payments to continue, you’ll tell me everything.”

“Is there something in specific you’d like to ask?” She frowns.

“What makes you say that?”

“You suddenly look like you’re ready to rip my throat out,” Sujia retorts.

“The child. Is he Chenle’s?” you blurt out before you can stop yourself.

Sujia visibly recoils, eyes widening as she glances between you and Jisung. “You…Are you joking? Of course not. Chenle—dear God, Chenle’s my brother.”

You swear your life flashed before your eyes, and as you drop your head into your hands, you let out a shaky sigh of relief. Your heart still races, but it starts to slow at the news that your husband doesn’t have a secret child.

“I’m sorry, your brother?” Jisung asks. “I wasn’t aware Chenle had any siblings.”

“No one is. That’s why we’re receiving the payments.” She pauses, wetting her lips. “Chenle’s father—our father—met my mother many years ago. I see him quite often, and he’s aware he has a grandchild. I figured he never told Chenle, and this confirms my suspicions. Considering his parents never divorced, I can only assume it’s because she is also unaware.”

“He recently became aware of the payments.” Because of you. “And quite honestly, I don’t think this news will sit well with him.”

“Don’t.” Sujia shakes her head frantically. “Don’t tell him. We…We need that money, okay? And he has full power to take it away from us.”

“Do you know anything about him?” you ask her.

“Just what our father told me.”

“Chenle is exponentially kind. He’d never simply cut ties and leave you to struggle. It’s not like you lied to him by choice.” You take a deep breath and brush your skirt off. “He’s the best man I know. And for that reason, I could never intentionally keep this from him. I’m sorry.”

“I understand.” Sujia runs her tongue along her teeth.

“And on the off chance he doesn’t continue payments, I will personally make sure you’re okay.”

“You actually care about him.” She tilts her head at you.

“It’s hard not to care for someone like him.” You stand up. “I’m sorry for taking up so much of your time. And for thinking your child was my husband’s. Thank you for talking to me. Can we exchange numbers? I can keep you updated on how things go.”

You make haste of retrieving her number, and then you and Jisung leave the house. Once you're back in the car, you let out a long, pent up breath. You tug your fingers through your hair and curse quietly.

“Are you okay?” Jisung asks.

“Honestly? I’m okay now that I know this isn’t Chenle’s fuck up.” You nod. “I think I need to pay his father a visit.”

“You’re going to confront…his father?”

“I’m going to confirm the story, obviously. And if it’s true, I’m going to tell him what an incredible fuck up he is.” You turn off the emotions switch, your face going stone cold. “Chenle looks up to that prick.”

When you arrive at his parents’ house, you’re greeted by staff and Chenle’s mother. Jisung opts to stay in the car, and his mother rushes to bring you further into the house.

“Ah, (Y/N), what a pleasant surprise.”

Not if she doesn’t know about the secret child.

“What brings you here?” she asks.

“Chenle requested I bring these files for his father. Is he here?” You smile at her.

“Of course. He’s in his office. It’s down the hall, all the way to the back on the right.” She pats your shoulder.

You bow your head to her in thanks, and then you make your way down the hall. Knocking once, you await his confirmation to walk in. He sits behind the giant desk, glasses hanging on the edge of his nose. You note a lot of Chenle’s features come from him, but you can’t believe how vastly different they truly are.

“(Y/N).” He leans back on his chair. “Was I expecting you?”

“No.” You approach him and drop the paper with her bank account information on it. “Liu Sujia.”

His eyes widen, barely noticeably, and he looks at you. “Where did you hear that name?”

“Did you think no one would notice payments that high to a random bank account? From the company?”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about. A bank account means nothing. You can’t even be sure I was the one facilitating such payments. Chenle has been CEO for years now, so it’s been under his nose, too—”

“I don’t need your excuses. Or your explanations. You’re not my father, and quite frankly, I don’t care about the state of your family.” You glare at the man in front of you. “But I also spoke with Ms. Liu. She has a child. Your grandson, and Chenle’s nephew. You think he doesn’t deserve to know?”

“If you don’t care about the state of my family, why are you doing this now?”

“Because I care about my family. And the second Chenle married me, he became part of it. And while you may not love your son, I do. I won’t let you lie to him.” The words fall right out without a second thought, and you fight the embarrassment of admitting your feelings to his father before Chenle.

“So, why come here? Why not go right to Chenle?”

“I’m sure he will have his own things to say to you later. I wanted the chance to let you know, objectively, what a selfish asshole you are. Your son idolizes you for the life you built for him. For showing him that a man can be loyal to a wife he may not love, if not for his child’s sake. But you weren’t. Everything he respects you for is a lie, and you’re despicable for being okay with that.”

“How dare you come into my home and talk to me this way?” His eyebrows furrow in anger, and he leans forward, but you don’t even flinch.

“I don’t fear you,” you hiss at him. “You are human, just like everyone else. If you deserve to be scolded like a child, I have no problem being the only one with enough balls to do it. If you lose Chenle because of this, I hope you lie in your fucking grave. I’ll pay people to dance on it.”

You turn your back on him, throwing the door open and stomping down the hallway before you give him the opportunity to say anything else. Sending a smile towards Chenle’s mother, you nod once at her before walking back outside to your car.

Gaining the courage to tell Chenle takes much longer than you’d like. You get back to your office, finding Chenle waiting for you. He smiles at you, one of his genuine, happy ones, and presses a quick kiss to your lips as you approach him.

“I never thought I’d find a time where the CEO’s not busy,” you tease him. “What are you doing here?”

“I figured we could take a break and go get some lunch.” He tugs you closer. “It’s been a long day, and all I want is to be with my wife. Is that so wrong?”

You purse your lips and tilt your head. “Wrong? No. Crazy? Maybe a smidge.”

“Wow, you just called me crazy. That hurt.” He chuckles.

“How about we just order something and eat it here?” you ask. “I have a bunch of stuff to do, but I would love for you to be with me.”

“Of course. What did you want to eat? I’ll tell the secretary to order it.”

“Whatever you’re thinking is good,” you tell him, leaning back on your desk. “I’m not too picky.”

“I’ll be right back.” He kisses your cheek, and when he closes the door behind him, you let out a sigh. It feels like you’re lying to him now, but you couldn’t drop something huge like that on him now.

Not when he was looking at you with such affection. What if you telling him this makes him hate you, too?

When he comes back, he sits across from you and rests his head on his palm. “Are you okay?”

“Huh?” You frown at him. “What do you mean?”

“You’re just acting…different, I don’t know. Is this about last night? Did I do something wrong?” His forehead creases with worry, and your heart sinks in your chest.

“No, no, last night was good. I really liked last night.” You try to fight off the embarrassment at your words, but it doesn’t work very well. The tips of your ears burn.

“Okay.” He reaches across the desk and grabs your hand. “You don’t have to tell me what’s going on. As long as I’m not the one making you feel that way, I can wait until you want to talk about it.”

“Chenle,” you whisper, squeezing him. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being you.” You glance down. “For not being what I expected.”

“I want to take care of you. Not because I think you can’t, but because I want to. I can be a safe space for you, and I’d never do anything to harm that image.”

You stand up and walk over to him, grabbing both of his hands. “I think I might be able to let you do that.”

“I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this.” He pulls you closer until you’re straddling his lap. “You amaze me every day.”

“We’re at work,” you scold him.

“I don’t see you trying to move,” he teases, palms exploring your back. “I was kinda sad we had to rush this morning. I would’ve loved to just lay there with you for as long as possible.”

You relax on top of him, fighting a smile as you study him closely. “I need to stop wearing lipstick.”

“Why?” he asks. “Do you wanna kiss me again?”

“I want to kiss you a lot.” You nod.

“I can wipe lipstick off.”

“What if mine gets smudged?”

“Tell people to mind their business. We’re newlyweds.” He watches your expression as his hands dip down to grip your ass through your dress. “I think the newlywed era started yesterday. Because all I want to do is be with you. All over you. Inside you.”

“Jesus Christ, Chenle.” You smack his chest. “Composure.”

He grins. “C’mon. You were thinking it, too.”

“We certainly can’t do it here,” you tell him.

“It’s my building.”

You give him a pointed look. “I’m trying to get your employees to respect me. They won’t if they think I’m here simply because I let you screw me on the desk.”

“I gave you the position before I ever even slept with you.”

“They don’t know that.” You roll your eyes and clamber off his lap. “There actually is something I wanted to talk to you about later at home. Are you leaving at a decent time?”

“I figured we’d leave together whenever you were done. If that’s okay.” Chenle clasps his hands together in his lap.

“Perfect.”

Before you do anything else with him, you need to tell him about his father. You just hope you don’t lose your husband in the process.

You bring the binder home with you. On the car ride home, you loop your arm through Chenle’s and rest your head on his shoulder. He can sense your nervous energy and tries to soothe you with a kiss to your head. You and Chenle go upstairs, and you sit on the edge of the bed. He follows suit despite your nerves transferring into him the longer you stay silent.

“I wanted to talk to you about that charge we found.” You put your hand on his knee. “And it’s a lot, okay? So I just want you to listen to me.”

He frowns but nods in response.

“Jeno and Jisung helped me with it. Jeno found out the account belonged to a woman, and there was an address associated with it. Jisung went with me to the house, and when we got there, I met with the woman.” You pause and scratch the top of your head. “She has a little boy. He’s almost five. And to be honest, it was a possibility in my head that you might’ve…I don’t know, accidentally fathered a child, but thankfully, it wasn’t that.”

“(Y/N), who is she?”

“She’s your sister. Your half-sister, I guess.” You gulp, refusing to make eye contact with him. “And the little boy is your nephew.”

“Oh.” His voice shakes uncharacteristically, and he inhales.

“Your dad has been paying her and her mother off for years so you and your mother didn’t find out.” You close your eyes. “And she begged me not to tell you because she’s scared she’ll stop receiving her money. Which I get, honestly, but I couldn’t keep this from you. Not when I know how—”

“(Y/N), please. I need a second.” He drops his head in his palms. His jaw tightens, and he angles his gaze to the ceiling.

“Come here,” you murmur, opening your arms for him. Immediately, he melts into your grasp, resting on your chest as you stroke the top of his head. “I’m so sorry.”

He grasps the fabric of your dress in his fist as he uses you to ground himself. “The whole time I admired him for being better, he just fucking sucked?”

You can’t tell if it’s anger or sadness that makes his voice shake.

“You’re sure?”

You nod. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that,” he tells you. “You didn’t do this.”

“No, I didn’t, but I love you, Chenle. I hate seeing you like this.” You and Chenle both tense up. He lifts his head to look at you, and your heart nearly shatters at the welled up tears in his eyes. You keep looking at him, more than nervous for his response.

“What?” His voice is hoarse, almost like it’s caught in his throat. “What did you say?”

“It’s not important right now, okay? I wasn’t thinking.” Your own tears form, and you try your best to blink them away. “No thinking, just feeling didn’t really work in this situation, huh?”

“You love me?” He cups your cheek and turns you to him. “Do you mean that?”

“Are you kidding me?” You scoff. “Of course, I do.”

You shouldn’t have done that now, given how overwhelmed he is, but it truly slipped out. He stares at you in shock, and when he parts his lips, a tear slips down his cheek. You shake your head, reaching forward and wiping it away with your thumb.

“Don’t cry,” you say. “This is all so much, I shouldn’t have dropped that on you like this, I’m so sorry—”

“Stop apologizing. Please.”

“I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

“Darling, at this point, you’re the only one who hasn’t.” He rests his forehead on yours. “And you…you loving me makes all of this worth it. Nobody has that power over me when I have you by my side.”

“I do. I love you.” You sniffle and hold him tighter.

“I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you walk into the room. I love you when you’re a thousand steps ahead of me, and I love you when you’re walking my pace. All the time, without fail and without reprieve.”

Every bit of oxygen is stolen right from your lungs, and all you want to do is scream and cry and punch his father in the face. Such a pathetic man doesn’t deserve a son like Chenle.

“Zhong Chenle, you’ve broken me in all the best ways. That terrible wall, the shell around my heart…I don’t want to face the world alone anymore. I need you with me.” You rub your thumbs along his cheeks, swiping up the next couple tears that fall.

“I will be better than my father. Than yours. We’ll do this the right way, okay?” He inhales sharply.

“I don’t doubt that one bit.” You lean forward and kiss his forehead. “What are you thinking? What do you want to do about all of this?”

“I’d like to meet her. My sister. And my nephew.” He chews the inside of his cheek. “She won’t have to worry about money. We’ll have to stop paying her through the company, but it’ll come out of our personal account. If that’s alright with you.”

“Somehow, I had a feeling you’d say that. Of course, that’s okay with me.”

“Can you set that up please?” he asks softly. “I honestly don’t know how, and she already knows you so…”

“You don’t have to explain. I’ll do it.” You run your fingers through his hair. “You’re the bravest person I know. Not everyone would handle it the way you are.”

“We’ll figure this out, yeah?”

“Between the two of us, there’s not a problem in this world we couldn’t solve.” You kiss the tip of his nose and stand from the bed, holding your hand out to him.

“What?”

“I was thinking we could take a bath. Help each other relax.”

He gives you a tired smile and nods. “That sounds amazing.”

You start the water and put a more-than-appropriate amount of the bubble bath liquid in it. Tying your hair up to prevent it from getting wet, you smile to yourself when you feel Chenle’s hands on your waist.

“Need some help getting this off?” He tugs on your dress.

“I might need help with everything,” you hum, letting your eyes flutter shut as he unzips your dress.

Once it's thrown across the room, you unbutton Chenle’s shirt, pushing it from his shoulders. Soon enough, both of you are beneath water and bubbles, and his arms are locked firmly around your waist. You rest against his chest, allowing the lavender scent to soothe your stress.

“Y’know what we’re missing?” you mumble. “Champagne.”

“I can have someone bring it to us. Just say the word.” He kisses your temple.

You shake your head. “We’re naked.”

“They’re professionals.” He laughs and squeezes you. “And I can have them leave it in the bedroom.”

“Right, and make sure there’s a heart made out of flower petals on the bed.” You roll your eyes.

“You can have anything you desire, (Y/N). You’re my wife. The sky’s truly the limit.” He explores your skin out of curiosity, mapping his way around your body.

You sit up and look over your shoulder at him. “You know what I want?”

He raises his eyebrows in response.

“I want it all.” You grab his hand. “I want you. The good days and the bad ones. Whatever trial comes our way, I want us to figure it out together.”

“Do you…Do you actually want children? Or is that something you feel like you have to do?” he asks.

“Honestly, I don’t know. There was a brief moment when I met Sujia and Yichen that I thought…I thought that he could’ve been yours. I mean, he looks like you a little bit, but he’s your nephew so that’s not weird. When that became a possibility in my head, it hurt. Stung, is more like it. I guess I figured that any children you’d have would be mine as well, and to think there were others you might have—”

“Darling,” he coos, tightening his grip on you. “I promise you, I do not have any secret children. Nor will I ever. You will be very, very aware of any child I have. I don’t want them if it’s not with you.” He presses a kiss to your shoulder.

“That’s good.” You nod and lean back against him once more. “We have time to think about it, right?”

“Take as much time as you need.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m not going anywhere.”

You hesitated to have Chenle meet Sujia so quickly. A week passes before you consider reaching out to her, and you know Chenle is waiting for it. She has to be too, at this point, probably worried about whether or not her money supply was going to be cut off. He has yet to confront his father, but you assume that will come with time. For now, you’re curled up next to him in bed, his heartbeat steady beneath your ear. Finally, it’s a rest day for you both, and you get to spend the whole day with him uninterrupted.

His fingers run through your hair, a deep breath passing by his lips. “Darling.”

“Hm?” You move closer to him, burying your head in his neck.

“Kiss me?”

You don’t hesitate to do as he asks, humming against his lips as the two of you connect. He shifts to his side to get closer to you, his hand trailing from your hip, down your leg, until he finds the back of your knee. Pulling your leg over his waist, he shuffles closer to you, pressing his body to yours.

“What are you doing?” you ask him, smiling.

“Loving you,” he replies easily, sliding his hand back up to your ass. The thin fabric of your shorts does little to hide the sensation of him squeezing you. You don’t mean to gasp, but you attempt to distract him by tangling your fingers in his hair.

“Tell me what you want.” You pull back to get a good look at him.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you,” he admits. “How fucking good you made me feel.”

“More.”

“You’ve been telling me you love me for a week now and I haven’t been able to hear it when I’m inside you. God, I never thought I’d be like this. It’s only been a week.” He squeezes you harder, pushing his hard length against you.

As he grinds himself slowly into your core, you curse and wrap your arms around him. “Why did you wait this long?” you ask him breathlessly.

“Didn’t wanna push you.” He kisses along your neck, nipping wherever he can reach. “Don’t want you to think this is all I want. Fucking been hard all day, darling. Every time you walked into the fucking room all week, instantly ready to bend you over.”

Your body shudders as you process his words. “Why don’t you lay back? Let me take care of you.”

“I need you so bad,” he groans. “I could cum just hearing you talk like that.”

You push him onto his back and quickly straddle him. Rolling your hips, you curse under your breath as you feel his hard length against your clit.

“Chenle,” you mutter, trailing your hands beneath his shirt. “Do you prefer ass or tits?”

“That’s an odd question.”

“You won’t regret answering.”

“Ass.”

“Perfect. Do you have a condom?” You raise your eyebrows at him.

“They’re in the bedside table—darling, I didn’t prep you yet—”

“You’re not the only one who’s needy,” you interrupt him, quickly moving to grab one of the wrappers. Before you climb on top of him again, you kiss his cheek. “You’re allowed to do whatever you want, my love. You don’t have to ask.”

You shove your shorts and panties down, and as you pull at his sweats and boxers, his fists clench at his sides. His length smacks against his stomach, and he wraps his fingers around himself to relieve some of the ache. You didn’t get to see it much the first time, but you take a second to appreciate just how fucking pretty he is. He’s so hard, it’s probably starting to hurt.

He runs his thumb over the tip and gasps. “Baby, please.”

You waste no more time in getting the condom on him, and then you straddle his lap again, but backwards this time. As you quickly sink down on his length, taking him all the way inside, he moans loudly.

“God, you’re so fucking hot.” He drags his nails down your back until he reaches your ass, and then he grips you tightly with both hands. “You needed me, too, huh? Dripping all over me when I haven’t even touched you yet.”

You brace yourself on the mattress between his legs, and set a fast, steady pace. He moans every time you sink all the way down, and your fingers curl into the sheets. You easily ignore the ache beginning in your thighs when you listen to him and how good you’re making him feel. He spurs you on, his moans slowly turning to higher pitched whines.

“Can we—fuck, can we try something?” Chenle asks, gripping your hips to hold you still.

“Whatever you need.” You shakily lift yourself off of him, and he quickly moves from below you. He removes his shirt before aiding you in doing the same.

He guides you to arch your back, your face pressed into the mattress as your walls clench around nothing. His tip catches on your clit, and your body jolts, but you grip onto the sheets instead.

“Gonna fuck you good, darling. Wanna hear you the whole time, got it?” His voice sends needles of pleasure pricking into your spine, and you know you can ignore everything else once he’s buried inside you.

“Yes.” You nod. Your fingers curl into the sheets as he slides in. The angle has you seeing stars, and your mouth falls open at the sensation.

His hands squeeze your ass as he starts slowly, the rub of him against your walls making your legs tremble already. You worry briefly about being too distracted, but as reaches around you to put his hand between your legs, all thoughts besides the way he feels completely obliterate. He rubs your clit in pace with his thrusts, his breathing uneven as he works your body as if he’s touched you for years. You barely recognize yourself when your moans slip past your lips. You’ve never let go like this before, and through your daze, you push yourself back against him. He tentatively smacks your ass, light enough to make you crave the contact. You can’t breathe as you curse.

“Again,” you whine, your entire being on the brink of collapse. “More.”

“Earn it, baby,” he commands. “You know what I want to hear.”

You let out a shuddering breath as his tip nudges that spot inside you. “Fuck, I love you. I need more.”

He smacks you harder this time, and the loud, needy moan that pours from your lips gets distorted by the way he starts to slam his hips against you. His fingers speed up on your clit, and you’re already teetering on the edge. Sounds of your arousal emanate around the room, mixing with both of your moans. His skin clapping against yours has every muscle in your body craving the release you know is so, so close.

As your high smashes into you like a tidal wave, the pleasure is so overwhelming, you cry out and clench onto the sheets. Chenle curses as his thrusts begin to falter, but you barely hear him. You’re much too sensitive, and you whimper as his fingers still work your bud. Without warning, he pulls out of you. You whine at the loss, attempting to push back, but he grips your hips and flips you onto your back. Gasping at the sudden movement, you grab for him as he climbs over you.

“What are you doing?” you ask breathlessly.

“I need to see you, darling.” He inhales sharply as he pushes back inside you. “And kiss you.”

His lips connect with yours as he keeps his steady pace. His chest rubs yours, the heat almost unbearable as your tongues fight for dominance. A groan slipping out of his mouth interrupts your kiss, and next thing you know, he’s as deep as he can get, panting against your collarbone.

“Fuck,” he whispers. “I love you.”

“Me too,” you reply, breathless as you run your fingers through his hair. “I love you, too.”

“That wasn’t too much, was it?” He peppers kisses anywhere he can reach—your neck, your chest, your shoulders.

You shake your head. “No, I’m just a little surprised. You can tell me when you want me, you know. You don’t have to wait for me to initiate.”

“It’s been…an interesting week, you know?” He pulls out of you, kissing you softly one last time before he goes into the bathroom to get rid of the condom. When he comes back, he lays down on top of you again. “I came twice.”

You recoil, angling your head to look at him. “Just now?”

“Yep. Came when you were on top of me, too,” he hums in content. “And I’ll have you know that’s never happened to me before.”

“Had someone on top of you or finished twice?”

“The second one.” He pauses. “But I—”

“You don’t have to explain.” You snort. “I have a past, too.”

“That’s good. Don’t wanna move,” he mumbles, pushing his head further into your neck.

You laugh. “Don’t, then.”

Chenle falls asleep fairly quickly, and you kiss his forehead before wiggling out from under him. You grab a new pair of panties and slide them on before grabbing one of his button-downs. It’s much too late for any of the staff to be out and about, so you grab your phone and head to the kitchen. When you look at the screen, the worry settles back in the pit of your stomach. Sujia had texted you forty-five minutes ago, asking you for an update on the situation. After a week, you think Chenle has probably had at least a little bit of time to come to terms with everything. You text her back to let her know Chenle wants to meet her, and then you get your water. You don’t want Chenle to ever feel hurt like that again, but it’s not going to just disappear. You know better than that. But it doesn’t change how seeing him so upset broke you to pieces, too. If you could, you’d ruin anything that even tried.

He was right all along.

Being in love doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It makes you stronger. Gives you a purpose other than what is required of you when you’re from certain bloodlines. From the beginning, you were sure Chenle would never—could never—mean anything to you, and even though he told you otherwise, you had to find out for yourself. You’d start wars for him. You’d do anything to make sure he was okay, because at the end of the day, he truly is the only person to love you without conditions involved. He cares for you not because he has to, not because he’s forced to, but because he wants to. Because he chooses to. You refill the glass for Chenle and head back upstairs. When you open the door, he stirs, blinking the sleep out of his eyes as he turns and sits up.

“Where’d you go?” he asks, running his fingers through his hair.

“Water.” You hold the glass up and set it next to him on the bedside table. Standing at the edge of the bed, you look at him, unable to fight the small smile forming.

“What?” He raises an eyebrow at you.

“You’re just…” You chuckle and shake your head. “Shut up. You’re just really cute like this.”

He holds his arm out to you. “Pinch me. I’m pretty sure I’m still dreaming.”

“Oh, you’re hilarious.” You smack at his wrist.

He tugs gently on the bottom hem of the shirt you’re wearing. “I like this on you.”

“It was the first thing I found.” Embarrassment climbs through you. “Sorry, I should’ve asked.”

“What part of that sounded like I wanted you to ask?” He snorts. “You’re always welcome to anything here. You should know that by now. But you’ve been away from me for way too long. C’mere.”

He opens his arms for you, and you chuckle and climb into bed next to him. When he lays on his side, he tugs you to follow suit. You listen to him, staring into his eyes while his thumb rubs on your hip through the white fabric.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

“For what?”

“For trying with me. Not running away. Letting me love you. The list is honestly endless.” He kisses your forehead. “Not to mention I really would’ve fucking lost my mind with all of that stuff last week if you hadn’t been there.”

“Speaking of.” You shuffle closer to him. “She wants to meet you. And I really think you should do it, because at the end of the day, she’s your sister, you know?”

Chenle hesitates, thousands of emotions crossing through his gaze like a storm. “You’re right. You can set it up for whenever, and I’ll be there.”

“I’m sorry this happened, Chenle.” You intertwine your fingers with his. “And I want you to know that, no matter how you’re feeling, you can tell me. I want to help you process.”

“I’ll be okay, darling. Truly. It’ll just take some time getting used to it. I do think it’ll be nice to have a sibling, although she’ll probably hate me for…I don’t know. Being legitimate?”

You laugh, burying your head in his neck. “You’re not taking her money away, so I doubt she’ll hate you.”

He hums quietly, sleep still heavy in his voice as he pulls you flush against him. “I shouldn’t be able to love you this much yet. Slow down, would you?”

“You, of all people, should know that those words do not exist in my vocabulary.” You close your eyes and breathe him in. “I love you, too.”

Sujia sets the day for the upcoming Saturday, and so while the days pass, you witness Chenle slowly lose his mind. He’s not upset at Sujia at all, but he obviously is with his father. It’s an incredibly large secret to keep from your family, so he has every right to those feelings. The entire car ride to her house, he’s squeezing your hand so hard, you fear he’ll cut the circulation off. His leg bounces restlessly, and the frown hasn’t left his face once today. The driver opens the door, and you get out first to at least attempt to lessen your husband’s nerves. You’re unfortunately aware of the straggle of photographers waiting for the two of you. While you’re not sure how they found out about this, you’re not worried about them in the slightest.

Once Chenle’s on his feet, you loop your arm in his. “Be calm. There are cameras, so at least wait until we get inside to freak out.” “Yes, ma’am.” He sends you a sly grin. The two of you approach the door, and you knock. Sujia opens the door quickly, ushering the two of you inside to prevent herself from being seen. Chenle removes his sunglasses, and you take them from him to put in your purse.

“(Y/N), it’s nice to see you again,” Sujia greets you. You nod at her. “Likewise.” “Chenle, you’re a little more intimidating in person.” She clasps her hands together. “Are you guys thirsty? I’ll get some water.” “Actually,” you say, patting Chenle’s arm. “Why don’t you two get your sibling introductions out of the way, and I’ll just play with Yichen. He’s my nephew, too, after all. And I’m pretty sure I scared him last time.” The two of them both flounder for words, neither of them wanting to be without you in a moment like this.

“It’ll be okay. Seriously. Neither of you bite, and Sujia, he’s actually really sweet. He just looks like he hates everything.” “As you can see, my wife is my biggest fan.” He presses his lips into a thin line as he fakes a glare. “Anyway.” You smile at Sujia. “I assume the child is upstairs?” “Yes, but if you want him to not be scared of you, you may want to refer to him by his name or something other than ‘the child.’” She scratches the top of her head.

“God, there is so much I could learn from you.” You separate from Chenle’s side and head for the stairs. Much to your pleasant surprise, your nephew…in-law? is already stomping down the stairs. “Oh.” The kid purses his lips. “You’re back.” “I am.” You nod and scrunch your nose up. “I figured while your mommy talks to my husband, we could…I don’t know. Play a game or something? Do kids do that?” “You’re weird.” Yichen grimaces. “But you’re nicer this time than you were last time. So yeah, we can play with the Switch.” You don’t end up actually playing, but you do watch Yichen’s game with interest. Leaning forward with your elbows on your knees, you analyze the process he uses when he plays every round.

“You’re smart,” you comment. “My mommy tells me that, too.” He nods, seemingly unaffected by your compliment. You pause for a moment. “Does your mom…compliment you a lot?” “Uh, I don’t know.” Yichen doesn’t start the next round, but turns to look at you. “Does your mommy compliment you a lot?” You laugh. “Yeah, no. Definitely not." “Are you—”

“Yichen,” Sujia calls out. “Can you turn the game off please? There’s someone I want you to meet.”

Without a second thought, he turns the Switch off and yells to his mom to tell her he’s ready. He sits next to you on the couch, folding his hands together in his lap. You’ve met a lot of children in your day, but you never imagined one could be so well-behaved. You see the panicked look on Chenle’s face as he walks in. A laugh almost erupts from you, but you hold it back. The man is meeting his nephew for the first time and can’t seem to shake the nerves away. You can only imagine what it’ll be like when he meets his own child. You tense the second that thought crosses your mind.

When?

A legitimate chill runs down your spine, and then you realize how close Chenle has gotten. He squats down in front of Yichen, and Sujia leans against the archway into the kitchen.

“Hey,” Chenle starts. “I’m your uncle. And you’re my nephew.” “Oh, wow.” You really didn’t think it could get any worse than you. “Do you know her?” Yichen nods his head towards you. Chenle smiles. “Yeah. That’s my wife. So that makes her your aunt.” “She said her mommy doesn’t compliment her.” His eyes widen. “Is she a bad person?” Your husband lets out an exaggerated gasp. “No way. She’s the best person I know.” “How?” “Well, she told me about you and your mommy when nobody else did. She’s really, really smart and, c’mon, she’s gorgeous. What else could I want in a wife?” Chenle grins, sending a quick glance your way. “I guess you’re right.” Yichen shrugs. “Do you wanna play a game with me?” “Absolutely.” He nods in response. You stand to give Chenle room, touching his shoulder lightly as you go to stand by Sujia. Leaning on the wall next to her, you quickly realize attempting to take your eyes off of your husband is futile. “He likes kids, huh?” Sujia asks. “He really likes family,” you reply.

“Do you want children?” “Oh.” You chuckle to yourself and fold your arms over your chest. “I’m not sure. But we…don’t really have a choice. We signed a contract and heirs are part of the deal.” “I’m sorry, but I really don’t envy you,” she tells you. “At the end of the day, it’s not that bad, though.” “So, you and Chenle actually love each other.” She hums, tapping her foot. “I feel like that’s rare for people in your positions.” “It is,” you agree. “And honestly, had it been up to me at the beginning, we wouldn’t even be…friendly. We’d be tolerating each other.” "Wow, he fought for you.” Humor laces in Sujia’s voice. “Well, I told him that I’d rather tolerate him than learn one day that I might hate him instead. He was entirely right when he said it wasn’t the hate I was scared of. It was love. Of relying on someone else.” “At least you can rest assured that he would be a good father.”

You don’t respond for a moment, watching Chenle interact with his nephew. They must win something in the game, because they dramatically high five each other. The smile on Chenle’s face is wide, and your heart flutters as a result.

“Yeah.” You fight your own grin. “Yeah, he really will.”

You and Chenle are at Sujia’s for hours. It’s clear the two of them are similar, and thankfully, your husband seems to enjoy having a family member other than the ones who have disappointed him. Yichen warms up to you both, and by the time you’re leaving, he’s hugging you both goodbye and asking when you’ll be back. Chenle is still smiling as he leads you back to the car.

“That went a lot better than you thought, huh?” You ask as he helps you into the backseat.

“I don’t know what I thought.” He shakes his head. “But it’s cool not to be an only child. Even if it’s unconventional, you know? And that little kid is freakin’ cool.”

You lean on his shoulder. “I’m glad you’re making the best out of this situation.”

“Actually, do you mind if we make one more stop?”

“Of course not. Where to?”

“I think it’s time I had a conversation with my father.” He pats your leg. “And I could really use your support.”

“Chenle.” You tilt your head at him. “If you don’t know by now that I would follow you anywhere, you’re not as smart as I originally thought. We may have to reconsider this whole thing.”

He sucks in a deep breath through his teeth, holding back his laugh. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that contract is pretty air tight.”

“Damn.” You roll your eyes and kiss his cheek. “You’re so lucky I love you.”

“The luckiest.” He lifts your hand up to his lips and kisses your knuckles. “Can’t even joke about that one.”

Chenle isn’t even nervous as the two of you approach his father’s office. He grips your hand tightly, but his resolve has never been stronger. Despite him doing this on his own, you feel an odd swell of pride deep in your chest. You’re so proud of the man he’s always been, and how he only ever wants to be better. His father already knows what’s going on the second he sees you both. At that point, Chenle releases your hand and drops his folder on the desk.

“What’s this?” his father inquires.

“A lawsuit,” Chenle replies nonchalantly.

You almost gasp in shock. And while you shouldn’t be enjoying the awkward tinge in the atmosphere, you feel like you need a bag of popcorn right now.

“I’m sorry?” He recoils in shock.

“You seem to forget that when I became CEO, you no longer had any claim to the company’s profits. And if I did my math correctly, which I did, $143,000 a quarter is roughly $572,000 a year, which is a grand total of $2,288,000 from the four years I’ve been seated in the CEO position.”

“Chenle, you have no right—”

“You don’t tell me what I have the right to do, actually.” Chenle buttons up his suit jacket. “So, you’ll be paying me back the money you owe me. That you stole from me to protect your little secret from getting out. But that must really suck, because you actually delivered a handwritten apology letter to Sujia and to your wife and your mistress and me and the employees at the company that’ll be announced in about ten minutes. To the whole world.”

“Your mother cannot know about this. Whatever you’ve done, you reverse it immediately.” The angry expression on his face does nothing but make Chenle grin.

“Your secret’s out, Dad. Crazy how you had two children and never learned how to be an actual father.” Chenle brushes himself out and points at the folder on the desk. “I’d read that. You might wanna think twice before fighting it.”

“You’ll understand one day,” his father replies. “There’s more to life than marriage, and it’s only a matter of time before you—”

“I will never be like you.” The smile immediately falls from his face. “I love my wife, and I’m not a fucking coward. I don’t need a second family because the first one wasn’t good enough for me. This is the last time you’ll hear from me. And you won’t be receiving any money from my company again. I hope you’re happy with yourself.” 

Your heart pounds in your chest, your lips parted in shock as you realize what’s happening. Your husband turns his back on his father, gently holds out his hand to you, and shoots one last ice cold glare over his shoulder as he leads you out of the room.

As soon as the door shuts behind you, you laugh in disbelief. “Chenle, holy shit.”

“Dude, my adrenaline is fucking crazy right now.” He chuckles and blows out a deep breath. “That was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done in my life.”

“This might be terrible to say, but I am…so attracted to you right now.” You blush as you squeeze his arm.

“So, nothing but good things today.” He helps you into the car.

Once he shuts the door behind him, you climb onto his lap and kiss him. He groans in surprise, his hands immediately finding their place on your ass.

“What? You like when I put people in their places?” he teases you, leaning forward to barely brush his lips on yours.

“There were a lot of things I liked from today.” You unbutton the first button on his shirt. “It was…very hot of you to absolutely destroy a man like that. You held your ground and…I don’t know. The tone of your voice was sexy.”

“My God, am I learning things about you today.”

“If it helps you, I’m also learning things about myself, so.”

“Mm, please tell me what else you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.” He squeezes your ass gently, pushing you closer so you feel him hardening in his pants.

“I think…we should throw every single condom away. Permanently. We’ll have an endless amount of babies for you to play games with. Of course, you’ll also have to tell them I’m gorgeous, but—”

“You’re serious.” His jaw drops, hope sparking behind his eyes. “Darling, you better not be joking about something like that.”

You shake your head. “I’m not joking. You were on to something when you said you wanted everything. A real life, a real love, a real family. Why don’t we have it all?”

“Right now? You want kids now?”

“If we’re gonna have twenty, we really have to start now, otherwise I’m gonna be too old—”

He cuts you off with an earth-shattering kiss as he pulls you flush against him. His fingers tangle in your hair, and you giggle into his mouth. The only thing that separates the two of you is the door opening.You gasp and climb off his lap, clearing your throat and fanning your cheeks from the embarrassment of getting caught. Your husband grips your hand and pulls you towards the house, and you can’t stop the profuse laughter escaping you as he apparently decides you’re walking too slowly and hoists you over his shoulder.

“Oh my God, Chenle, put me down.” You can barely speak through your laughs.

He only listens to you once the two of you are inside and he’s able to set you on the kitchen island.

“If you’re doubting it even a little bit, darling, you’d better tell me now.” He kisses down your neck. “Because I don’t care how fucking long it takes, we’re not stopping tonight until I get you pregnant.”

“You’re crazy.” You push his shoulder. “You have no way of knowing if you’ll—”

“Baby, don’t ruin my fun. Tell me if you really want this.”

“I do, Chenle.” You cup his cheeks, smiling at him. “I want it with you. They all need to look like you. I want at least one boy and one girl, and they’ll be best friends because—”

He kisses you again, groaning as he slides his hand beneath the skirt of your dress. “Keep talking.”

“Um, I just really think you’d be a good dad,” you say, lifting your hips so he can pull your panties down. “And, uh, you’ve proven how much family means to you, so it makes me feel safe. I—shit.”

He presses two fingers to your clit, and your body jolts. Chuckling, he traces along your pulse with his lips. “How are you so wet already?”

“Well.” You let out another breathless laugh as you grind your hips to match his pace. “It so helps that my husband is the hottest fucking man in this universe.”

“You think so highly of me,” he hums, teeth grazing your ear lobe.

“You’re cruel for this, you know.” You rock upward, and your head lolls forward. “Teasing after you clearly feel how badly I want you is just…so rude.”

“I’m sorry, baby. Please forgive me.” He moves down to your entrance and thrusts two of his fingers inside you.

You cry out, holding onto his shoulders. With a frustrated groan, you push his jacket off of him. He curls his fingers and pumps faster, thumb returning to your clit.

“Fuck, Chenle, wait.” You smack at his wrist. Even though you don’t want him to stop, you want more. He stops immediately, pulling back to look at you.

“What? Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay.” You kiss him hard. “I need you inside me right fucking now.”

“First of all, you just scared me.” He tsks as he unbuttons his pants. “You need my cock so bad you can’t fucking take what I give you?”

Oh, he knows exactly what he’s doing. You shudder at his tone, shuffling closer to the edge of the counter. He pushes his pants and boxers down to the middle of his thighs, and your mouth waters at the sight of him. He’s hard, tip leaking precum as he spreads your legs further. The fabric of your skirt prevents him from having enough room, and the dark look in his eyes sends another burst of wetness to your core.

“Love how these skirts look on you but fucking hate how I can’t fuck you in it.” He taps your hip, and you lift yourself up so he can unzip it and tug it down quickly.

You barely even pay attention to what his doing when he pulls your ankles up to the edge of the counter and spreads your thighs apart until they begin to ache.

“Now, isn’t that a fucking view.” He wets his lips as he wraps his fingers around his cock. Thrusting into his fist a couple times, he uses his other hand to tease your clit.

“Chenle, please.” You gasp, tugging him closer.

“You’re so fucking wet, baby, I can see it.” He drags his tip along your entrance, pushing in just enough to watch the head of his cock stretch you open. He’s entranced by the way you take him so easily, his eyes focused on where the two of you connect.

Your pleasure intensifies simply by watching him so drunk on you, just appreciating the way you take him. You feel every vein in your body buzzing, and you can’t help it but to push your hand between your legs and rub your throbbing bud while he’s entranced.

“You have no fucking patience,” he hisses, grabbing your wrist and pushing it away. You whine at the loss, but his glare stops you. “I’m trying to enjoy my wife’s pussy, but she’s just so fucking needy, isn’t she?”

“Oh, God.” You grip onto the edge of the counter.

“Watch how easily you take me.” He flicks your clit. “Look.”

You let your gaze travel downward until you see his cock positioned outside your hole. Instantly, the room gets much hotter. You struggle to breathe, anticipating the stretch he gives you. His tip is covered in your arousal, but the rest of his cock has yet to feel you.

“Fuck me, Chenle,” you mutter almost incoherently. “I wanna watch.”

He finally obliges, nudging the tip between your folds again before sinking inside. He moves so slowly, you want to cry. You need more, and the stretch wreaks havoc on you when you’re watching. Every time he’d fill you up another inch, he’d pull out until his tip is barely caught inside you, and then sink in just one more inch. You’re losing your fucking mind, but you can’t take your eyes away from where he pleasures you. Finally, he bottoms out, the position of your thighs allowing him to press all the way against you, his pelvis hitting your overly sensitive clit.

“Are you ready?” he asks. “I need to fuck you.”

“You know I’m ready,” you reply, dazed from the pleasure of him seated so deeply in you.

He starts a steady pace, both of you still staring at the way you stretch to accommodate him.

“You feel so fucking good like this, darling.” He thrusts harder. “Nothing between us this time.”

You cry out when his tip hits your cervix. Your legs start to shake from how far they’re spread, but all you’re focusing on is the way your arousal shines on his cock when he’s pulling out of you. You feel every inch of him, and the way he rubs against your walls is so different without the condom. You’re fucking delirious, and every time he presses all the way inside you, the pressure on your clit has you getting closer and closer.

“You’re squeezing me so tight, baby,” he groans, moving his hand down between the two of you quickly. His thumb glides over your most sensitive area, and you can no longer hold back your sounds.

“Fuck,” you cry out, legs shaking as your orgasm lingers so, so close.

“Cum for me.” He slams into you. “Not gonna fill you up ‘til you cum, darling.”

You tip and tilt over the edge, convulsing as your high hits you hard. Chenle keeps rubbing you, thrusts picking up speed as he fucks you through your euphoria. He crashes his lips to yours as he spurts inside you, covering your inner walls with white as he pants. Your whole body shakes as you hold onto him tightly. Both of you are covered in sweat, but it does little to bother either of you.

“How does it keep getting better?” you ask. “You have that effect on me.” He shrugs, chuckling as he guides your legs around his waist. “And I wasn’t kidding. We’re not done yet.” “My insides are gonna be mush.” “What if I’m gentle next time?” He kisses along your neck. “If I fuck you with your legs up, apparently it’s more likely to happen that way.” “Insatiable.” You pull back to kiss his lips. “You’re lucky I am, too. Take me upstairs.”

You don’t make it all the way upstairs. Not at first. He decides he has to take you on the couch, up against the wall next to the staircase, the desk in his office, and then your bed. By the end of the night, you’re absolutely exhausted, but you’ve never felt so fucking good in your life. And for someone who thought you could never have it all, you realize just how damn close you are to having a perfect life when you have Chenle by your side.

#nct dream #chenle #nct #nct dream smut #lowkeyjaemle #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct smut #chenle smut #chenle au #nct au #nct dream au #kpop au #kpop x reader #kpop scenario #kpop imagine #nct dream x reader #nct dream x y/n #nct dream chenle #zhong chenle

[darkcircles4lyfe]

it's a story about hands (reprise)

Yeah, okay, today's the day.

I gave my blog that title for a reason, you know, and it has loomed over me for years because the hand motif is absolutely everywhere and you could go on about it forever.

Maybe that's something I'll never actually attempt to do, but this chapter, we reached a breaking point.

Before I continue, I need to give a big, big disclaimer: I do not have a physical disability, so I'm not able to speak about that from the standpoint of representation as a first-hand perspective. I have at least listened to enough disabled people to know that fictional characters who become amputees only to miraculously gain their limbs back is, um, a trope. Disabled people in general being "healed" is a conception we would really prefer to avoid here. Not to call people out, but I don't think we're giving enough space to acknowledge that.

I don’t feel comfortable making the judgement call about what should happen. I’m leaving that open. I also don't want to downplay people's emotional reactions. Honestly, I don't know if I can accurately define the line between acknowledging real pain vs. ableist pity. But I’d like to talk about the possibilities of what could happen. Other characters have definitely gotten permanent disabilities as a result of their hero work, or even just the side effects of their quirk. But, for better or worse, I don't think this case is really about representation. Not that Horikoshi won't do that justice. He might. What I'm saying is that's not his purpose for having Izuku lose his arms. It's meant to be symbolic, so we can explore what it means. The other thing I’m keeping in mind here is that Horikoshi is notorious for playing with our expectations, like, alllllll the time. I mean, just take a few chapters ago for a classic example. Eri appeared at the end, and we all assumed she was about to take some sort of action to save someone with her quirk. Then, immediately following, we were given an explanation for why that wouldn’t be happening. And now it’s clear he wanted to do that “fake out” not just as a silly cliffhanger prank, but specifically so we would know not to suspect that Eri could be the miraculous solution to Izuku’s loss of his arms. Rest assured, there is no easy way out of this.

The expectation at play in this particular instance is an old one. It’s very understated, but its subtext has burned so brightly, you’d be a fool not to notice it. It sits with anticipation like one half of a call and response. Man, I was so certain. Lots of people still are. I was really looking forward to printing the panel where it happened onto a t shirt and wearing it proudly. All the hand motifs in this story radiate thematically from a single moment, the one that started it all for Izuku.

It raises all kinds of questions about the act of saving, who needs saving, why, what does it mean, what are the dynamics of power, politics, honesty, exploitation, compassion, pity, disdain, sacrifice. Katsuki has dealt with many of these since he first rejected Izuku’s hand. While Izuku was the one who was convinced Katsuki would keep on rejecting him…

…Katsuki was the one who kept that moment in his mind all these years and eventually came to regret it.

Katsuki is the one yearning for that hand-hold, the one who has imbued it with so much more weight than it ever originally had. Izuku, in contrast, does not allow himself to dwell on what he wants. To illustrate this difference, we need to look at another piece of foreshadowing:

Ugh, do y'all remember when lots of folks were complaining about how there never seemed to be actual consequences for Izuku's destructive treatment of his own body? I don't blame them, I was concerned and confused about it too. There were several "fixes" along the way. Recovery Girl healed him, but left a physical reminder. Then he started training to fight with his legs… sometimes. Then he got support items. All of these were unsatisfying non-conclusions because they didn't present Izuku with a lasting enough impression to change in a meaningful way. They didn't address his core, his origin.

Of course, that all changed this chapter. Now it looks like our frustration was inflicted intentionally. With the current context in mind, all of these moments look more sinister, like this day was always gonna come because they kept putting bandaids on a deep emotional and psychological wound. The problem is pretty much spelled out for us here:

As Katsuki put it, he just doesn’t take himself into account, ya know? He doesn’t care what happens to him. And he lies about it, to keep others from worrying, to keep them safe. To keep them from returning the favor and putting themselves in harm’s way for his sake. His motivations are noble,

…but what about the little boy inside Izuku? Who saves him?

This is all about Izuku giving himself up to the point that he literally has no more to give. The thing is, I bet he saw this coming. He knew his limits and decided to keep going anyway, because his personal safety and wellbeing are not important. Now that way of thinking has come back to bite him because the fight isn’t over yet, and he’s already made his sacrifice. So now we know who will be more distraught over this. Not Izuku—Katsuki.

It’s not about Izuku becoming disabled, it’s about how Katsuki wanted to use the intertwining of their fingers to communicate that he would never let go. Never stop valuing him most. Never let himself make the mistake of rejecting him again. Never let Izuku be so reckless with his life. To say: “we are in this together.”…if only Katsuki believed he deserved to be able to say such things. To reach out his hand would have been the ultimate way to simply imply them and let Izuku be the one to decide. Then, to feel their hands clasped together would be more than either of them dared hope for, but so beautiful, so right. A moment they’ve waited their whole lives for.

Yeah. That’s what we were expecting. We’ve been so comfortable. Horikoshi gave us all the signs. He tempted and teased us over and over. BUT. You know he does this thing were he gives us a desirable, completely plausible and simple thing to look forward to, and then he snatches it away. And THEN he replaces it with something much better, something we were not expecting at all because it seemed too good to be true. That’s exactly what happened when Himiko snatched Izuku away, and we were robbed of the chance to see him and Katsuki fight together. In hindsight, though, I’m glad things went a different way because now there’s so much more depth and angst on display. Likewise, in the present moment, we may consider how, as one door closes, another opens.

As wonderfully meaningful as the hand-hold would have been, perhaps it is still too simple a resolution for Izuku, for his and Katsuki’s relationship. Tbh, it could have been done like 100 chapter ago. At this point, there’s so much more potential. There are a couple of ways it could go. If Izuku stays armless, Katsuki will be forced to use other methods to get his point across. He’ll have to do something else, or say what he means, or both. Yes, I’m talking about what you think I’m talking about. If I say it, I just might jinx it (lol), but I mean it. I’m being serious. Either way, if Izuku did get his arms back in the end, I’m sure that it wouldn’t be an easy fix. It would be hard-won against Izuku’s self-destructive mindset, and/or by Katsuki’s conviction. Again, I say this knowing it is not meant so much as a representation of disability, but as a representation of Izuku’s greatest character flaw taken to the extreme. I know this might sound harsh, like, hasn’t he been through enough? I get that, but… I’ve said it before and I say it again: Izuku is stubborn as hell.

I wish I had a resounding final note to end this on, but I kinda don’t. I’m not sure what’s best. Now we just have to wait and see what Horikoshi has in mind.

#lin speaks #bnha meta #bnha manga #bnha 419 #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #bakudeku #bkdk #dekubaku #dkbk

[multi-kpop-fanfics]

Hi zeta! So I received a notification today that I was ovulating and had a thought. Husband/Ceo!Cheol checking your phone as you received and notification that you were ovulating. Like my man would go crazy and be at it like the fucking rabbits.

(sorry why is this so long)

tw: dom!seungcheol, sub!reader (fem), marriage!au, unpotected sex (pls stay safe), breeding kink, mentions of kids and pregnancy, praise, use of petnames, daddy and mommy kink (they want to be actual parents), mating press, spanking, oral (f rec), cockwarming - minors dni.

@gyuwoncheol tagging her bcs she helped me to her own demise

"Babe?"

"Yes darling?"

"You have a new notification!" Seungcheol yells from the other end of the living room.

"I'll check it later, thanks!" You yell back, trying to make yourself heard through the noise of the kitchen mixer.

Seungcheol is a man who values your privacy and would never attempt the petty snooping around on your phone.

But how could he miss the bright notification of your cycle tracking app saying that you're ovulating?

He turns his head to your direction and looks at the shape of your body standing in front of the counter and his mind races at the thought of you bearing his kids and having them run around your legs in the future.

And it makes him want to fuck you until he has made sure you're pregnant.

He gets up from the couch and walks up behind you, snaking his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder.

"You sure love back hugs, don't you?" You let out a small laugh.

"How can I not when I have such a pretty wife?" He hums.

"Oh, I see how it is." You turn off the mixer and turn around to face him. "Come on, out with it, big guy."

"What? Can't I just compliment my wife because I feel like it?" He pouts his lips.

"Seungcheol, you never compliment me without any reason."

"I was just thinking...."

"I knew it."

"I haven't even said anything yet!" He complains.

"Oh my God, just say it!"

"I was thinking how pretty you'd look with a belly full of our kids."

Your eyes widen with shock at your husband's blunt words. It's true that you've discussed the possibility of widening your family with Seungcheol and you know he would be the most silly and doting dad ever. But the way he looks at you and his hands tighten on your body makes you feel a tad bit jittery (in a very good way).

"Did you just think of that, or...?"

"Your tracking app said you're ovulating and I can't get it out of my damn head." Seungcheol groans.

"You checked my phone?!"

"I didn't unlock it! It was right beside me and I just saw the pop-up on the screen!"

"And that made you worked up already?" You deadpan.

"God, you have no idea." He drops his head on your shoulder and rolls his hips against you.

"You're incorrigible." You hug him with a light chuckle.

You feel his lips stretching in a grin and he throws you over his shoulder with one swift motion, carrying you to the bedroom. You complain all the way, but he just slaps your ass and puts you down on the mattress, your legs hanging from the edge of the bed.

"I am indeed incorrigible, darling." Seungcheol strips himself down to bare skin and purposefully climbs over you to grab a pillow and place it under your lower back.

"I'll do everything in my power," he hooks his fingers in the hem of your sweats and drags them away from your legs, "to get your pretty pussy," he removes your cotton panties to reveal your cunt, "full of my cum until you physically can't take more inside you."

"C-Cheol-" You watch your husband kneel on the foot of the bed, ready to use his tongue on you.

"Talk to me, darling. Tell me what you want."

"Fuck, I want your kids so bad." You moan and spread your legs, putting your hands under your knees to pull them on your sides.

"That's what I thought too." He smirks and leans down to press a kiss on your clit, followed by full-bodied swipes of his wet muscle from your puffy bud of nerves to your hole, waiting for your pussy to drip just enough to get messy.

"You're so perfect, you know that?" He brings your legs on your chest and puts your ankles on his shoulders, the head of his cock dragging over your pussy. "Perfect wife, with a perfect pussy." He whispers and slides his shaft inside you, stealing your moans with his mouth.

You let yourself get lost in the feeling of his pillowy lips, all while his cock is battering up your cunt. Your leg muscles tense up from being stretched out to their limits, but you don't want to switch up positions.

"Sweet, sweet fucking cunt, all ready to keep my cum safe." Seungcheol groans wildly on your lips, "Want to make you a mommy so bad."

"Fuck, I want you to be a daddy, Cheol, ah!" You throw your head back on the bed, watching your husband plow his hips in you relentlessly, his bottom lip caught between his pearly whites.

"W-Want a pretty little girl, w-with your eyes and lips, wanna treat her like a princess."

"And a rowdy little b-boy, so you c-can play g-games with him." You stammer over your words, but you get the message across.

"Fuck, I love you so much, darling." Seungcheol moans airily and plants his hands beside your head, rutting in you like a madman, sweat dripping down his body and a few drops landing on your chest.

"Cheol, I'm c-close." You sob.

"Me too, baby. Just a little more, please." He begs you to hold out.

You do as he says and you cum undone underneath him, his thick cock pulsing until he has emptied himself inside your cunt, not daring to pull away from you.

A few seconds of silence pass and none of you has moved yet. Your pussy clenches around his cock ever so slightly and you whimper, your legs falling limp on the bed.

"Even your pussy wants more, babe." Seungcheol chuckles and moves his cock inside you, bringing himself back to full hardness.

"You mean you've got more to give?" You pant.

"For you? Always."

#good luck with that anon 😭 #svthub #scoups smut #scoups fluff #seungcheol smut #seungcheol fluff #svt scoups #choi seungcheol #svt fluff #svt smut #seventeen fluff #seventeen smut #seventeen #answered✨ #tw kids #tw pregnancy

[shownusgfayoooo]

the mafia boss’s wife

Pairing: Seonghwa x Y/N

Tropes: mafia husband au, arranged marriage (briefly mentioned), hurt/ comfort, danger, protective seonghwa

T/W: descriptions of a physical assault + subsequent injuries, cursing

Words: 2k

my masterlist

“Are you sure you’re done, Y/N?”

Startled from pushing the peas around on your plate, you looked up into Mingi’s eyes. Of course, everyone had noticed that you had only managed to take a few bites of your dinner, but only he would be bold enough to call you out on it.

You scrunched your nose. “Yea. I just feel kinda beat actually.” Work had been a lot lately, and you just wanted to snuggle under your covers and put an end to such a long week.

Seonghwa squeezed your thigh under the table in comfort. You turned to look at your mafia husband, a soft smile on your lips. He looked at you with worry in his eyes. Your heart softened at such an expression of concern from him; he was usually so stoic (with everyone else but you, that is). It had intimidated you so much at the beginning of your arranged marriage before you saw his deeply caring nature and kind heart.

You shook your head gently at his unspoken question before addressing the rest of the boys. “I’m just gonna head to bed. I’ll see ya when I see ya. Be safe.”

Jongho waved, Yeosang and San nodded at you emphatically, Wooyoung rolled his eyes “You worry too much, Y/N,��� and Hongjoong and Yunho wished you a good night’s sleep.

Seonghwa kept a hold of your hand as you got up and walked you to the double doors of the massive dining room. “Do you want me to walk you up, my love?” 

You pushed his shoulder lightly. “No, you haven’t even finished dinner. Besides, I know you guys are hitting the South Bay tonight. Don’t think you can get anything past me, and I want you to go in as prepared as you can. I alsoo know you won’t discuss the details in front of me.”

He pressed his lips to your wrist, his eyes alight with mischief and danger. “My beautiful wife. You really do worry too much. We will be fine.”

You just looked at him and bit your lip, as your mind drew up all kinds of scenarios in which you lost him. He knew you well enough after 2 years of marriage though and pulled you out of your spiral before it could get too drastic.

“Hey, don’t do that.” He lifted your chin up for you to meet his eyes. “The job tonight is child’s play; we could do it blindfolded. And, you know that I will always always do everything in my power to come back home to you.” 

 At the absolute certainty in his voice, the knot in your chest released a little. You put your head against his chest. “Wake me up when you’re back.”

“Y/N..” His pout really was too adorable.

You looked up at him seriously. “I’m serious. I need to know you’re safe, as soon as possible.”

He sighed. “Alright, alright. You know I can never say no to you. Torture me, sure. Make me disturb your rest when you look like an angel, I’d love to.”

You chuckled at his antics and pushed him back to the table.

“Be safe. I love you.”

“Goodnight, baby!”

You smiled to yourself as you walked up the three flights of stairs and across the landing to your wing of the house. 

As you entered your room, something felt off. You looked around, trying to convince your overactive mind that you were imagining the negative energy. You made to take a step towards your bathroom, when your eyes strayed back to the curtain fluttering in the wind. You never left the window open. Before you could scream, you felt a hand wrap around your mouth. 

“Let’s keep this simple. You come with us quietly. And we let you live. You make a sound. You die a slow death when we get to where we need to go. Got it?”

You froze, and fear coursed through your body. Keep your head. Stay calm. Before you were a mafia boss’s wife, you were a mafia boss’s daughter. You were trained for situations like these. 

You struggled to the right. As expected, the assailant’s grip tightened. He clearly had not expected a fight and was trying to adjust his footing to manage. But you had managed your goal. You grabbed the nail file from the dresser you had stumbled into and jammed it backwards, hoping it would hit his eye. From his sudden release, it had. Falling forward, you rushed toward where the panic button was on the other side of the room. You were almost there when a hand grabbed you around the ankle and pulled you down. Your head slammed down on the floor. Your lip felt warm where you had bit it on impact. As you began to be dragged backwards, you used the momentum to twist around and kick your other foot in his face. You noticed a scar across his eye. The one second it took to break the hold was all you needed. You crawled forward that last inch and pressed the button. 

The immediacy left you. Help was on the way. Seonghwa would be here soon. In the meantime, there was nothing around you to use as a weapon, and this guy had a foot and a half on you. He was already up before you could form a game plan. He grabbed you around the throat and slammed you back into the wall. 

“You’re gonna pay for that, you little bitch.” At least he wasn’t going to kidnap you immediately. That gave the guys a chance to get to your room in time. You tried to hold on as black spots danced around your vision.

No sooner had the thought crossed your mind when you distantly heard the door slam open and a cacophony of voices. 

The pressure around your throat released. You sank down to the ground, trying to recover and remain alert enough to help in the fight. Hands immediately grabbed you and started to carry you across your room back to the door. The heat of a body in front of you and behind you. You gulped the air down. 

“Y/N, Y/N, can you breathe? Are you ok?”

Yunho set you down at the threshold of the door but kept his arms around you until Wooyoung stepped back to keep a hold of you. Yeosang rushed past the both of you, yelling back that he was getting the first aid kit.

As your vision cleared, you finally took in the state of the fight. San and Jongho were checking all the entrances and exits, presumably for other attackers. Hongjoong was simultaneously piling up all the attacker’s weapons and yelling at someone on the phone. Mingi and Yunho, being the tallest, were trying their best to hold Seonghwa back. He was moving so fast, he looked like a blur. The intruder wasn’t even moving anymore, and his face was already just a smear of red. 

A shaky breath left you. The danger was over. You needed Seonghwa now. 

Jongho joined you and Wooyoung. Your knees gave out beneath you. They shared a look of alarm, but they understood immediately. You were strong enough for the fight, but now that the fight was done, you needed just one thing. San saw you collapse and rushed over to you.

“Ya, hyung!” You don’t know who called to him, but he didn’t listen. 

You had never seen Seonghwa in such a rage. On the few occasions where the guys had let you witness some of the action, he took on the role of taunting the target, toying with them until he got what he needed or beating up the victims almost lazily. Now he was focused and lethal. He moved with such precision; it was almost beautiful. You didn’t think he would ever stop. 

At this point, Hongjoong was also trying to restrain Seonghwa . “Y/N needs you!”

He slowed down at the mention of your name but didn’t stop.

Your voice was just a broken whisper. “Seonghwa.”

He stilled. It took one second. And then he was rushing towards you. His hands cradled your face. The look on his face was one you would never forget. 

He said nothing; his eyes anguished.

“We need to treat her injuries, hyung.”

He closed his eyes briefly before they opened again, and he nodded. His hands slipped down to hold you up, and Yeosang led the way to the next room. You sat down on the couch, but Seonghwa’s hold never loosened. All you could do was look at each other while Yeosang prepared some gauze. 

You watched him with gratitude. You were alive. You had not laid your eyes on him for the last time. He was here. You were here. You had time, hopefully a whole lifetime together- it had not been cut short tonight. The aches and pains suddenly left you, and you almost let loose as hysterical giggle at how happy you were. 

As joyful as you were, it quickly gave way to concern as you took in the look in his eyes. Eyes that swirled with pain and guilt. Sighing, you recognized immediately what was eating at him.

“Seonghwa, I’m fine.”

Anger blazed in them now. “You are not fine.”

“It’s just a few bruises. I’m okay.”

He turned to Yeosang, who quickly jumped into a status report. “From what I could see so far, she has superficial bruises on her throat, ankle, and wrists. The bleeding on her face is just from her lip but has already stopped bleeding. If I’m right, then he probably grabbed you, you fell, and that’s how you busted your lip. If that’s true, I wanna make sure you don’t have a concussion from hitting your head when that happened. Otherwise, some painkillers, a lot of rest, and she will be fine, hyung.”

The thunderous expression on his face did not waver, however. 

You sighed and looked back at Yeosang and lifted your eyebrows. He took the hint and left. You could hear whispers commence outside and were touched at the guys’ concern for you, but it would have to wait. Seonghwa had opened his mouth angrily to protest, but you turned in his arms before he could.

“Thank you for saving me.” A few tears slipped out as you recalled how close it had been. His fury morphed into worry, and he wiped your tears as he held you gently.

“I know you’re concerned about me-”

“That doesn’t even begin to cover it.” His voice was full of angst.

Your hands came up to either side of his face.

“I promise you- I am okay. This is nothing compared to how bad it could have been- what he promised to do. I know it hurts you when I’m hurt. I’m sorry.” You pressed your forehead against his.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Y/N. It’s me who should be apologizing. I promised you the day I married you that I would never ever let anything hurt you. I.. I can’t even begin to start apologizing for that- I can’t live with myself. I couldn’t if something happened to you-”

“Sh, sh. Nothing happened to me. You got to me in time. You protected me. You can’t control everything. You did your best. I feel safest with you. Now, please stop this and just hold me.” Something in his eyes gave a little. “I don’t know about you, but I’ve had kind of a tiring night.”

He chuckled weakly at your attempt at levity. “I’m all yours. Anything you need. Forever.”

You smiled enthusiastically. 

“After you get patched up and take some pain meds.” 

You huffed at him but stuck your pinky out. “Deal.” 

Everyone outside was probably eavesdropping, because no sooner had he said that the guys started filing in, crying out in concern and settling around you and Seonghwa.

You smiled at everyone, rolled your eyes against Seonghwa’s indignation and hovering behavior when WooSan barely jostled you, and nestled against him anyways. Your ear to his heart.

“I figured out a way for you to live with yourself by the way.” 

His hands stroked through your hair. “Oh? What’s that?”

A mean little smile to copy his. “Revenge.”

His laugh was hearty. You were lulled to sleep.

#seonghwa scenarios #seonghwa imagines #seonghwa angst #seonghwa fluff #Seonghwa #ateez #ateez scenarios #ateez fluff #ateez reactions #ateez imagines #kpop fanfic #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #hurt/comfort #mafia romance #mafia au #mafia ateez #efsywriting

[justalia]

address the feeling

recently i’ve been thinking about my understandings of the law and i decided to read again some of the stuff i read at the beginning of my journey. i’m glad i did because i now have a deeper understanding of what i thought i understood before, but actually never truly grasped its full meaning.

i have to be honest with you sometimes i still have my moments of anxiety, i still have my mind wondering if i’m doing things right and once in a while i still ask myself if i’m doing enough. shocking right? from my posts you may be thinking that there’s no one that understands the law better than me and you may be thinking “she must have the most perfect self concept i can’t wait to get there”

truth is: we are all humans at the end of the day and we are gonna have our moments, no one is better than anybody and the fact that my posts have helped people fill my heart with joy because i do not think of myself as a teacher, i merely try to share the notes of what i studied for myself and try to write it in a way that can reach anyone easily.

i haven’t felt inspired to post something in a while now, i was just numb cause i thought “there’s nothing else i could possibly share my thoughts on” and i have drafts of posts i have started writing but never finished because i didn’t feel called to do it and i don’t like to force myself to write something.

all my posts come from a burst of inspiration and i write them all at once (or at least i try) seizing the moment in which i feel the most inspired.

this being said what i’m about to address in this post is probably the most important teaching i have come across while reading the source and reading some material again has struck me with inspiration.

————————————————————————

“feeling is the secret.”

what does that mean?

to say that feeling is the secret is to say that feeling is the womb in which all things are born, when felt an idea has to be expressed whether you like it or not, unless you change the feeling and fuse your imagination with its opposite.

you see your physical world has no way of existing if it wasn’t for your imagination, it reflects that and the ideas you believe to be true.

“yeah alia you’ve said that”

i know i know, i have addressed this, these are the basics, but bear with me.

pay attention to what i’ve just said “it reflects the ideas you believe to be true”.

how tiring does that sound? does that mean we have to change our beliefs? does that mean we have to do shadow work and see what ingrained belief we have to dismount?

it doesn’t.

self is what we believe to be true and what gets reflected? self.

inevitably when we start to think about this we think we have to find a magical way to change our beliefs and to trick our mind into believing something new about ourselves or we pretend in hopes to fake it till we make it. we begin this journey prepared to train ourselves, prepared to do dozens of techniques and we fill ourselves with hope.

self is what we believe to be true in this world of imagination, our beliefs get reflected and this is why not every single thing we imagine gets reflected. yes, imagination gets always reflected and it happens instantly, but for that to happen you must believe in the reality of said idea.

what is a belief?

a belief is something, an idea, a concept YOU feel to be true. you is the key word because the sole operant power is you, in your life your world operates according to your assumptions, in your life there is no other creator but imagination, YOUR imagination.

a belief is something you feel to be true because a belief it’s just an idea and it’s powerless until we feel it to be true.

why do we feel it to be true? we decide it is.

you decided that your friend was rude to you because they don’t want to be your friend anymore; you decided that your partner was losing feelings because they were distant one day; you decided you were going to fail the test even if days away because you didn’t feel good enough.

you decided the reason your friend was rude to you was because they didn’t want to be your friend anymore, even if just yesterday they asked you to hang out.

you decided the reason your partner was acting a bit distant today was because they are losing feelings, even if just yesterday they said how much they loved you and bought you flowers.

you decided you were going to fail the test before you even started studying for it because you decided you weren’t smart enough, even if the last test you did went beautifully.

you have been making decisions dismissing the senses your whole life and probably occupying states that do not serve you at all without even realizing it. you have misused your power for so many years it feels too good to be true to finally realize it’s all in your hands.

to decide that your friend was rude because they don’t want to be your friend is just as easy as deciding they just had a bad day and accept that as true.

to decide that your partner is losing feelings because they are acting a bit distant today is just as easy as deciding they just were busy today and accept that as true.

to decide that you’re going to pass the test and that you are smart enough is just as easy to accept as true.

how? how can i accept that as true if reality is showing me the opposite? how can i accept it as true if i failed in the past?

we always disregard appearances, we always disregard and dismiss the senses and accept things as true based on our imagination. there is no outside reality because the true reality is within and as within so without. you accepted it as true and now it is expressing in your life, your mirror is just reflecting what you decided to be true, you had no other proof when you started assuming those negative things about yourself and about others.

think about it! when you first started worrying your partner was losing feelings, did you have proof of it? did you have concrete proof that made you think they wanted to dump you? i think you made an assumption, decided it was true hoped with all your heart it wasn’t, but felt it to be true and soon you were provided with proof and there you go: “just like i thought”.

you decide everything all the damn time!! trust me this is nothing new, the thing is that when it comes to positive things we want to believe to be true we think we need proof, and what is proof? the permission to believe something as true. the 3D never played a part in this, when it came to you assuming negative things about yourself or about others you didn’t think about how it wasn’t true on the outside, did you? when you started feeling insecure in your relationship and worried they would dump you, did you think about how it wasn’t “real” on the outside? did you worry about how the outside was opposite so it couldn’t possibly be true?

no, you didn’t.

you decided it was true, trusted it, dismissed the senses even when completely opposite and soon enough the universe, god, whatever you believe in, provided proof for you.

the power we have is the power of dismissing the senses, the power of deciding what is true or not. and you do that using imagination as your instrument. yes, imagination gets expressed but imagination is not just the silly little scenarios you make up, imagination is your mental activity and what gets expressed is what you believe to be true in imagination.

again when it came to negative stuff you were well aware that the outside was opposite from what you believed to be true but you didn’t care one bit and it still manifested into your life. your lover was distant one day, you assumed they lost feelings, the next day they tell you how much they love you and you assume they are lying, you assume the outside isn’t as true as what you believe to be true inside.

you sustain that feeling, you trust it, and it gets expressed.

you never actually waited to look at your partner and see them telling you they were losing feelings before you assumed they were. you never worried about what the 3D was showing you, you never CARED for it.

when you assume something new about yourself and you imagine yourself to already be the one you wish to be you do so because by imagining you are experiencing it in the true reality. imagining it to be already realized helps because your imagination is a tool, it’s an instrument that makes it easier to trust the new idea you decided to assume about yourself because you actually experienced it.

when you imagine yourself in a new state and you do so by, for example, conjuring up a scene, you do so because you want to experience what you desire. you want to live it, you want to experience it and feel it to be true, that’s what the scenes are for, you visualize a scene that implies your objective realized and you indulge in that peacefully enjoying it.

you don’t have to necessarily visualize scenes, affirm, or do this or that technique. these are just tools, methods you can use to use your imagination in a way that is most comfortable to you. for example i am naturally a visualizer so to get myself in a new state sometimes i find it helpful to conjure up a scene that implies my objective realized and experience it, i enjoy it fully and when i open my eyes i trust the implications of that scene to be true, i just experienced it, who’s gonna tell me i didn’t?

what you need more than anything is to give yourself permission to trust in the reality of imagination, that’s the only thing you need.

yes, you are allowed to believe you are good enough for that job; you are allowed to believe you are safe and secure in relationships; you are allowed to believe anything you want no matter how far fetched it might seem.

you can be so bold with your scenes, or your affirmations. you imagine the most perfect scene or say the most wonderful affirmations but i dare you to be as brave with feeling as you are with your scenes and your words.

i dare you to accept it is true, i dare you to believe it is true because you said it is, and then again i’m not talking about the outside!!! i’m talking about imagination because imagination is the only reality. if it is true in imagination and it is because you can just DECIDE it is, then it’s truth. there’s nothing more to do on your part, you just sustain that state and everything else will take care of itself.

free yourself entirely in your mind and accept as truth whatever you desire to be true about yourself, you can imagine yourself to be confident, smart, beautiful, loved, cared for and you can give yourself permission to accept it to be true inside of imagination and see yourself exactly how you want to see yourself.

stop caring about how it’ll happen or if it will happen or what will happen and just FEEL.

FEEL WHATEVER YOU TRULY WANT TO FEEL.

address the feeling

what do i mean by that?

pay attention to your mental activity for one day and see where your mind wonders naturally, that will tell you your current state.

let’s say you get ugly thoughts, you think you’re not enough and that you are going to fail the test you have in two weeks. pay attention to your mental activity and see how the thoughts FOLLOW the feeling, and not viceversa. first you get the feeling of unworthiness and then you start thinking “i’m not enough i will fail i can’t do this”, there is no inherent truth in those thoughts.

it may be difficult to notice at first but everything starts from a feeling and then the thoughts follow. there is no thought you have to flip because they hold no truth and no power by themselves, they are simply a manifestation of your FEELING.

fearful feeling gives birth to fearful thoughts. anxious feeling gives birth to anxious thoughts. lonely feeling gives birth to thoughts of loneliness. insecure feeling gives birth to insecure thoughts.

the only reason why you believe something to be true is because you FEEL it. there’s no actual truth in those fearful, anxious, insecure thoughts.

YOU FELT FEAR and the fearful thoughts came along and then you started worrying about them manifesting into your life. YOU FELT INSECURE and the thoughts of insecurity and unworthiness came alone and you started feeling bad about yourself and unworthy of your desire.

just as easily as you felt insecure you can feel secure, just as easily as you felt fear you can feel safe.

you create the feeling you desire to feel and you indulge in that, you FEEL it because why would you deny yourself of such experience if you can have it?

why would you deny yourself from experiencing what you want in your own mind? why would you create blockages? why don’t you feel what you want to feel? because you are scared? scared of what? of it not working? working for what?

this is not a method for fuck’s sake. this is not a technique!!! this is how you are living, this is how you have lived and how you’ll always live.

change your feeling, allow yourself to feel what you want to feel and thoughts will naturally come from that, and from thoughts will come actions and from actions will come events. NATURALLY.

there’s no work on your part, meaning that you don’t have to worry about what you need to think or do, you will naturally do that. and this goes for opposite action too: if you’re manifesting to pass all your tests with straight A’s and you go and decide to sit on your ass all day without studying you are still messing with the how! you are pretending you have something IN THE MIRROR when you DON’T! you have it in imagination ONLY. your job is to change self and you don’t change self by pretending or acting as if you have something in the mirror.

your job is to simply FINALLY give yourself permission to actually FEEL.

[emmyrosee]

are u down 4 sum lil angst?? well, i'm just curious how would it be being the famous star volleyball player, Sakusa Kiyoomi's TOTGA?

YOU HAD N O RIGHT MATE

ok so fun emmy history, back when I was a wee child and before the miya twins were even a thing, i wrote a self insert that I’m still weirdly proud of today so congratulations, you scratched that memory HHEISBSOSN-

Hey! Future Emmy here. so... major tw; kiyoomi is very mean, extremely toxic, and i for sure went overboard, but there's a lot of blaming and yelling and just. ugh. this piece hurt my own heart smh.

-

But listen. You slipped into Sakusa Kiyoomi’s life surprisingly. He wasn’t expecting you or even just to date at all, you were just at the right places in the right times where he finally felt at ease in your presence. You just understood who he was beyond surface level, and he’d never had that in someone before.

You loved him before he was cool, before he was anyone other than a top ace in Japan. You were the first to tell him it was okay to mess up, do something other than eat drink and sleep volleyball, even if he wants it to take up most of his time.

Time, he no longer has, when he gets injured.

It wasn't like it was an inopportune time- though, as a college athlete, there really is no good time to get injured- if anything, it was spontaneous and had he not had dreams of making it big, he'd never think twice of it.

But he gets injured. Junior year of college, just as his name starts to grow in the industry, and he gets injured. Bad ankle, it’s actually a former injury from his childhood that apparently didn’t heal right.

There’s articles that spread about Bokuto Koutarou, how he’s climbing the ranks and how Miya Atsumu, the same little rat who bothered him in high school received an offer from god knows what team, and he’s fuming.

That should be him and his setter getting those offers and climbing that ladder, it’s been him and him alone for years, and he knows it's bitter to hate people for their successes, but its not fucking fair, he deserves more than this.

He deserves more than doctors trying to encourage surgery to heal at the sacrifice of volleyball, he deserves more than flowers and cards of best wishes, more than Miya Atsumu texting him to see if he's okay, he deserves more than any being on earth could give him.

And that includes you.

"Baby, did you finally call the surgeon?" You ask, coming in with a water bottle and a cup of his meds.

Apparently, that's more than enough to set him off.

"I don't need surgery."

He hears you sigh, "the doctor says the tear is too big just for physical therapy, you'll need the extra support-"

"In case you forgot, I was fucking there."

His breath becomes hot, and he can't peel his eyes from the commercials playing on the tv. The room suddenly feels suffocating, and of he could will himself to do it, he'd apologize and tell you he loves you, he's just tense and hurt, and he's grateful you're here, and-

"I'm the one who's life is going down the tubes. Fun fact."

The other thoughts in his mind are static. merely an incoherent buzz. You're his victim now, to his ugliest sides that therapy and his family prodded back years ago.

There's no one to prod it back now.

"I... I didn't mean any harm, I promise-"

"You really shouldn't talk to me right now," he snarls, rage bubbling and clawing away at his soul. There's a bubbling of tears that rip at his waterline in a demand to fall, but he's blinded to anything else.

He hates his life. He hates his ankle. He hates his doctors for telling him it may not heal right ever.

He hates you.

"Kiyoomi, please-"

He bears his teeth like a dog in an attack, and you flinch back slightly. "If you hadn't fucking distracted me, this never would've happened." He hears you whine in your throat.

he ignores it.

"I was fine," he barks. "I was happy before you. I was strong, I was powerful, I was a damned force to be reckoned with." He crawls closer to you on the couch, and when you cower to try and get away, he chases your body with his torso.

When you stand up, he does too. His leg lights every single nerve up in a blaze of agony, but he's too gone in his own rage to think about it.

"I... I know you're mad, but please, sit down Kiyoomi-"

You're right.

"Shut the hell up!"

Even on one foot, he towers over you threateningly. You bring your hands up to try and force distance between you both; your touch does ground him slightly, but not enough to stop his scorn.

You sniffle softly, clearly uncomfortable, "you're just mad... and that's okay. Please stop shouting at me, we can make this work, kiyoomi."

Now, his eyes are scalding with furious tears.

"I want this to work, oomi... please, stop shouting-"

“It doesn’t matter if you want it to work,” he snaps. “I’ve got a plan to stick to that’s already been screwed because of us, AND IT'S YOUR GODDAMNED FAULT!"

When you sob and crumple to your feet, there’s a small part of kiyoomi that comes to, the words suddenly sour on his tongue. He feels… confused, he doesn’t know where it came from inside of him, but the way your eyes water from his words snaps him back to reality.

“I’m… im ruining your plan?” You choke, and god kiyoomi wants the floor to engulf him whole. Because duh, of course now you’re not he’s just the scum of the earth, you’re all he can think of wanting in this shitty life, but he can’t say that, not when your hands cover your mouth in distress and horror, tears slipping over your fingers. He feels the blood leave his face when you take a step back, followed by another, then one as you turn on your heel to leave.

“Wait-“

“No, Kiyoomi,” you snap, and its his turn to feel your rage, your head whipping to look at him in betrayal. “No. I’m officially done waiting for you.”

And despite the fact that he wants to chase you, wants to gather you in his arms and pin you to the wall and demand you listen to him, listen to why his plan has changed and how you’ve completely ruined all of it in the best ways, he can’t. His leg throbs at the mere idea.

He just. Stands there, frozen for god knows how long, staring at the long slammed door, wondering if you’d come back for something you’d forgot in your exit. Something dumb, like a charger or a water bottle, something easily replaceable but you wanted from him just as a last chance makeup.

But you don’t. And once his good leg starts to cramp from standing there, he slowly moves his way to his bedroom.

And he’s fine. Honest!

Sitting by himself in the cold of night gives him more time to think about the future. The one without you, of course. Limping around the dorm on crutches makes his arms ache and knees weak, and the backpack on his shoulders making him fall forwards is plenty to make his elbows strengthen up (they’re withering away) and his breathing circulate (he’s breathing back tears of pain and frustration.)

He can’t… he can’t do this without you.

Call him selfish, but his life was not only easier with you around, it was better, it was fun to love you and have you scream his name from the stands, but now that seat is occupied by someone else when it should be yours and yours alone.

He’s tried to get over it. He’s tried to get everything in line, get you the hell out of his mind but he can’t.

You’re different. He hates you for it. There’s something about you that refused to leave his mind and soul. Every time someone is interested in him, he feels disgusted because every crush is based on appearances now; it never was with you. Every time someone laughs, his first thought is how much he misses yours. When one of those stupid fast food commercials comes on in the late hours of night, he smiles sadly as he remembers the way your eyes would meet his and you’d beg him for some fries at ungodly hours.

He has to move on. It’s been fucking years. Why hasn’t he moved on?

Any sane person by now would have moved on, passed through his heartbreak and try to find another, but he’s so emotionally unavailable at this point. Every thought and every reminder that plagues him continues to hit like a ton of bricks every time.

Maybe it's guilt.

No, its definitely guilt.

He loved you, more than you could imagine, he appreciated you more than he can express, and to show you how much you mean to him, he blamed you for his failures.

No wonder he deserves to be alone.

And just when his exhaustion can't grow, his self destruction and crumbling self worth can't get lower, he gets thrown in another circle of hell that he seems to find himself in; this time, in a coffee shop he frequents. Not too many familiar faces, just a couple blocks from the train, and up until that point, only having known him as an alias.

Until today, when the Gods decide to torture him a bit more.

“Name?”

“Sakusa,” he says, not even thinking as he scrolls on his phone. There’s a high pitched gasp from the girl, and it makes his eye twitch.

“NO WAY!!! Oh my gosh, you’re THE sakusa kiyoomi?! Oh my gosh, wait, hold on- can I get a picture? No, wait, you’re not into those- can I get an autograph? I knew you looked familiar, my sister and I watch you play all the time! I’m such a fan!-“

“Uh… thanks. Can I have my tea-“

The girl doesn’t answer, instead, she calls for her co-worker who barrels out in equal excitement.

On any normal day, kiyoomi would snap. He’d scold and snarl about how rude they were, how he’s still a fucking person who just so happens to be good at volleyball, but he’s like a deer in headlights. He’s too surprised at his own stupidity of not using his usual alias, how damn tired is he?

There’s a weight that feels like a ton of bricks that settles on his chest once he hears the line behind him complaining about how long it’s taking, then people behind the register flashing pictures that have him blinded and asking him questions he doesn’t want to answer, he just wants his tea for God’s sake and-

“HEY!” There’s a snap from someone at a table, and it breaks up the small, impromptu paparazzi at the front. “People are trying to work here, and not get a damn seizure from your damn pictures!” He feels all that anxiety break on his shoulders once they cower away. “And shame on you all!” They continue, the line slowly parting to let them continue shouting. “He may be famous but he’s still a damn person! Make the fucking drink and GO!”

Kiyoomi doesn’t want to look. Even if he’s eternally grateful for them, he knows that scold and he knows that bravery to call out random people for their shiftiness.

Because it’s the same thing you used to do all those years ago.

He winced and pulls the mask higher on his nose to keep himself concealed- as if he’s not a 190.5 cm monster. But you don’t say anything about anything that just happened, you must be deep in your work to not process just exactly who you were defending.

He gets his tea with a quick apology from the baristas, and he heads to the door to leave.

….

…right?

He’s gone. He’s on the bus, headphones in and heading to practice, audiobook putting him in a new world where his only current connection is the hot tea in his hands.

Right?

There’s always been a table on the bus, a table he rudely stalks up to, where you’re sitting and typing away furiously at your laptop and massaging one of your temples, too engrossed in your work to notice the outside hitter standing just in front of you.

“Uh…” he chews his lip nervously. You don’t look up.

This is the chance Komori’s been talking about. If he doesn’t take it, he’s going to hate himself forever.

“Thank you for standing up for me back there.”

“You’re welcome.”

He sighs staggered, “can I… uhm… repay the favor?”

To his extreme relief, you offer him a small chuckle, “maybe you can recommend a coffee shop where random cele…” your voice drifts off when you look up at him, jaw frozen open and eyes wide and dancing all over his face. You’re both just staring at each other, breathing ragged and tense, and his brows furrowing to try and hide the guilt and absolute need he has for you to continue the conversation.

You clear your throat, “your uhm… your foot healed uh… well.”

He wants to, but can’t, fight the snort that sneaks past his lips because that’s about the last thing he thought you’d say. But he sees you crack a smile too, and it’s worth it.

“Yeah,” he says after he clears his throat. “Yeah, I’m playing professionally now. Minor aches here and there, but nothing unusual.”

“So you got to stick with your plan,” you hum sadly, and his heart stops. “That’s wonderful, Sakusa. Im glad to hear it-“

“But my plan never felt complete,” he interrupts, and he sees your nostrils flare in annoyance. “I-I-I thought I knew what I wanted, but god, I didn’t. I don’t, I’ve always only wanted you.”

You offer him a shrug, “Kiyoomi, I was an intruder in your life; I can’t blame you for that, I shouldn’t have been there-“

“I wanted you there.”

“Clearly you didn’t,” you snip, and finally, he sighs in defeat. “You made it just fine without me in your plan.”

Fuck it.

If he’s here, he’s gonna lay all his cards, give you every last thought of his and leave you one more time to pick up your shattered pieces.

“I miss you.”

You freeze, but there’s a glazing of your waterline before you slowly, tensely, turn up to look at him.

“Don’t,” you snap. “Don’t do this, Sakusa.”

“I can’t help it,” he says, own voice twinging raw. "I hate it too. I hate that I've had to carry this weight with me for all these years, years I should've been with you, kept you safe and happy, and I couldn't even do that."

"You shattered what we had. Don't ever forget that."

"I never have been able to."

There's another silence surrounding you both, suffocating and hot and thick, and he gets flashbacks of a scenario not too dissimilar, where you're looking up at him with those same, betrayed eyes.

But your gaze doesn't last. It crumbles before you let out the breath you'd been holding, a sign that you're not going to waste your energy on him anymore, "you're too late, Kiyoomi. You don't get to miss me anymore."

When your hands shift to close your laptop, he sees it. The massive, heavy rock on your finger, glimmering under the soft lights of the coffee shop.

Kiyoomi feels sick. He could faint right now if his pride would let him. Instead, he swallows the bile in his throat and grits his teeth, giving you a smile and a casual scratch of the back of his head, "that's... that's awesome! I'm happy for you."

"Don't be," you smile sadly.

"Why?"

You shurg, "you don’t have to be happy for me. I’m happy for me. He's a friend of Bokuto-San's. Set us up not long after we broke up." Then, you sigh shakily, "I'm just here for work, I won't taint your coffee shops for much longer." It was an attempt to break up the heavy silence.

He could puke right now if he didn't feel completely defeated. He could strangle Bokuto in devastation.

In his younger, naïve efforts to drive you away, he drove you straight to someone else's arms.

He nods and chokes out a small "alright," before spinning on his heel away from you

He makes move to leave the coffee shop, but before he does, but before he can, he turns back to face you, trying to get one final look at you, soaking in your presence and soul before you vanish from his life forever. He calls your name, and you look at him one more time with that big, beautiful gaze.

"Do you believe in the one that got away?" he asks, and you process his answer before slipping your computer in your bag.

"Yeah. And I believe I'm yours- but you were too worried about losing volleyball. Now, I guess we all got what we wanted."

His veins turn icy as he tries to blink back the hot tears searing his waterline, turning his head to dodge your knowing eyes.

Everyone got what they wanted.

Except for his broken heart, of course.

#BRO 2800 WORDS SHUT UP #DONT LOOK AT ME #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa kiyoomi angst #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x gn!reader #sakusa kiyoomi x reader angst #sakusa kiyoomi haikyuu #sakusa kiyoomi imagine #sakusa #sakusa angst #sakusa x reader #sakusa x reader angst #sakusa x gn!reader #sakusa imagine #sakusa haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu angst #haukyuu x reader #haikyuu x gn!reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu x yn #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #tw toxic #tw toxic relationship #toxic tw #toxic relationship tw

[thebottomfromhell]

I hope that's ok, but could you write about the Upper Moons and their partner, who is their opposite? I just love the couple dynamic where "opposites attract". If you don't want to write about it, it's okay, in any case, have a nice day and mood!💞

Thank you 💞, I hope you like what I wrote. Since I didn't know if you wanted any specific Uppermoon... I did all of them (the adults), lol. Sorry if it's not what you wanted and that it took me some time. If asked something more specific I can go into more detail, but I hope this will be enough for the moment. Opposites attract is a lovely dynamic if done correctly so here is my attempt.

Opposited attract, human gn reader.

Warnings: A bit of Manga spoilers, Power imbalance and Mentions of cannibalism (both are mostly them refering of how they have to be careful with you), Some erotic themes implied, Kokushibou's and Gyutaro's insecurities, Akaza's angst, and Karaku will moan to annoy you (like the moaning while the other is on the phone type of context).

Kokushibou:

You are such a free-spirited and free-minded person.

Kokushibou can't forget how fragile you actually are, being a human, so he never acts upon it, but he can't help but envy you. "Koku-kun, calm down. The world won't die if the hierarchy does for a few minutes. Don't worry that pretty head of yours." He is so cold, but you warm him up as you are patient with him and try to get him to stop getting frustrated over the smallest things, like Akaza and Douma fighting or remembering his human life. "Don't call me that." He protests, but still lets you do as you please.

You are patient, tolerant and understanding, you don't hold yourself. He wishes he could be more like that and less like himself. There are times he just wants to push you away, for you to disappear, to stop reminding him what he isn't. But at the same time he craves having you by his side, to chase after you.

In the end he just stays by your side in silent, watching you be that beautiful self. "C'mon Koku, just relax. We are ok."

Douma:

You are very mature, specially in emotional intelligence.

Douma can't help but notice you know how to respond to everyone's feelings. You are very empathic and can easily deal with yourself without hurting others, not that Douma would know anything about being hurt. Still, you are very weird to him. Even when he teases you (and he can be cruel at doing so) you only take a deep breath. "Douma, please stop. I'm not standing those comments, they are hurtful and I will leave if you don't stop."

"Alright, alright. I will stop." It's not that he could not stop you from leaving, but it's weird how you handle the matter. You don't just barely tolerate unlike his followers and Gyokko, nor ignore him like Kokushibou and Muzan, much less attack him like Akaza, the Hashira and technically her. But this is not about her. It's about you. "Thank you for listening." You are honest but willing to compromise at the same time you stand for yourself in a respectful way.

You are just a human, like any other he could just eat you, but he doesn't want to. He wants to understand first. How? Why? That makes him always want stick around you. "Hey, Y/N. How about we go to my place? That would be lovely!" But he doesn't show it besides acting like he does with everyone else. Because Douma is bad with feelings.

Akaza:

You are always growing, not only physically, but mentally.

It scares Akaza, to be honest, how you are constantly transitioning and changing. "I just decided to try a new hobbie, might like it more than what I do in my free time now." If he looks away a more than a month you already changed your rutine, already have a different favorite things, and learned so much it changed your worldview. And for Akaza is a bit hard to keep up with it. "I have buyed a few more books, I will read them whenever I have time." Not also this, but you are aging, like the human you are.

"Become a demon, Y/N." He always tells you, afraid that one day you will not be there. Or worse, that you will but he won't be able to recognize you. Because you are always moving on, and he is stuck. Stuck as the third Uppermoon, stuck as a demon, stuck as a servant of Muzan, stuck in his hatred, stuck in the feeling someone something should be here but it's not, stuck in the need to bring up medicine something, stuck in his desesperation to get stronger to save them. But you don't become a demon, you will die, you will leave him behind too.

You always comfort him, and he stays close 24/7. He's afraid and can't let you go. "Please don't leave me behind." It's hard to convince him you won't, but still, besides you he is very happy. Sometimes he wishes you could get stuck with him, but he won't force to anything. "I'm here, Akaza." For now.

Nakime:

You are a humble sunshine! No, really, you smile as if both your wallet and mind were empty.

Nakime doesn't know what the heck she likes about you. You are lovely, she can easily admit that, but that's it? Still, she lets you around, you watch with awe her castle, wanting to touch everything, to explore everything. "Nakime-chan! Your house is the one of an empress!" You always compliment her for everything.

"You are also very impressive." She tries to answer that good vibes, it's bit hard to her. You don't mind it, you are fine with how little she gives. There is also the fact that you talk a lot and she can't keep up with that. "Nakime-chan, it's not necesary for you to compliment me. I know it doesn't come naturally to you. Just being around and you teaching me all this greatness make me so happy already."

But she loves being around you, she lets you explore but keeps an eye on you to make sure you are not hurt. She relaxes against the positive energy you bring to her home as you wander around or join her to talk to her. This is fine.

Hantengu:

You are brave and honest, always facing upfront everything. A natural leader.

Hantengu admires you a lot, but he also finds you quite intimidating. Everytime you are around he hides and covers himself, which is a bit cute with how nervious en embarrassed he is, but you always manage to find him to talk. You share yout thoughts and feelings easily and try to reach solutions. "I really think you should find a way to depend a bit less on the clones. They can't always be around."

"Al right, I will see into it. I promise. Just let me be, please. I'm very tired." He lies, he always lies. It's hard to not lie. To lie is to protect himself, and he's just so afraid. He knows you can deal with the situations but he is too paranoid to not lie. Still, you are patient with him, and he trusts you enough to rely on you. He really likes you because he can actually do that.

It's hard to be so afraid of everything, to not being able to trust himself. He didn't ask to be like this. You are a stable safespace. You are trying to communicate, no idea if there will ever be results. But you try.

Sekido:

You are a hyped disaster who just wants to have fun!

Sekido wants to die. What was going on with him falling in love with the perfect mix of Karaku and Urogi?! What the hell?! "C'mon Sweet-Cherry, let's just have fun!" You pull him into doing a reckless and useless activity that would probably get you both killed if he wasn't a demon. "DON'T CALL ME LIKE THAT!" He screams blushing, you are nothing more than trouble. You start laughing and keep teasing him and he just trembles of embarrassment and rage. "HOW DARE YOU?!"

He never does anything to you, how could he? Not only you are too precious, but you would die from an attack of his. Why must you be so infuriating?! Always being in the best mood?! "Ohhhh, are you mad? You look cute at mad, but you know what would be even more cute? A smile!" He really can't stand you... and that is why he just stays still as he lets you have your way with him, huh? There are times he is just amused and watches you be.

There are even times you got him to laugh "*gasp* Is that a smile? That's so cute!" He will always deny "NO, leave me alone!" He gets used to your teasing, and you know you've won when he starts teasing you back. "I stop looking at you and you almost kill yourself. Are you that needy?" He asked once amused. "Oh hell yeah, I am. You should always look at me!" He does.

Karaku:

You are a concentrated person with great ambitions.

Honestly? Karaku is always just chasing a good time, that includes chasing you at times. You, on the other hand, don't do anything without having actually thought about it, analyze the results, pro's and con's. "C'mon, Hot-stuff! Pay attention to me!" He is always trying to distract you when you are working.

You want more than what you have, you want to get big things, be big things, that you work hard for it. "Give me 15 more minutes and I'l spoil you, Karaku. But I'm working." He doesn't want to wait, so he puts himself on your ear and "Argh~ ohh fuck~ ahh, Y/N~ it feels- mnph!" You blush and cover his mouth with you hand, and he starts to lick it and suck it.

You always have to redo your schedule for him, he is greedy for attention and likes to mess around. He thinks it's funny both how you resist to his charms but also give in to them. He is supportive of you, so he will help if you tell him to do something in specific, but still. Karaku is a distraction, a pleasurable one, and you are addicted to it. It's only human to procrastinate. "Y/N! Let's have fun together!"

Urogi:

You are classy and collected, almost having a zen presence.

Urogi likes you a lot, "You are like, shiny but without glowing or reflecting light, if that makes sense" it doesn't, but you understand what Urogi wants to say. He is always moving and acting like an animal, he likes grabbing things with his feet, chew all his food together inside his mouth filling it until parts slip off his lips, destroy things and draw attention. But you also attrack people's attention.

"Behave a little Urogi, watch your manners." You wipe softly and kindly some dirt in his cheek with a piece of cloth, being patient and tender. Ever so calm, like a Buddha! And you are elegant as well, and Urogi only wants to play and mess with you. He wants to snach you away because he likes you. "Mine!"

He is always or moving around you or all over you, sometimes he kidnaps you before flying away. As he is careful to not hurt you, you are forever impossible to perturb. That only makes him crazier about you, hyped by only having you near. "Y/N, call me Baby-bird! I like it when you call me petnames! Call me something cute!" You only chuckle calmly before nodding and speaking gently. "Is this ok, my Baby-bird?" "Yay! Call me that again!"

Aizetsu:

You are loud and strong-willed [You are Naruto Uzumaki, believe it! Okno 🤣 sorry.]

Aizetsu looks up to you, you have a very strong character and a determined personality. You are not afraid to draw everyone's attention to yourself and to stand up for what you believe. "Sekido, stop scolding Aizetsu! He is trying his best! Aizetsu, baby, don't let him talk to you like that!" He really likes you and can't help himself but shy away.

"Thank you for defending me, Y/N. I'm sorry for being a bother." You lunge fowar to grab his shoulders with your arm and press him against you, making him blush. "You are not a bother, just... stop letting others talk and walk over you. And stop being so cute!" It's easy to forget who is the more powerful between you two, since you always take the lead and he lets you be fondly.

He likes when you hold him and cuddle him, loving that you just go for what you want and that you go for him. Most of the time you are physically touching somehow, he passive and letting you do whatever you are, blushing at most. And you all over him showering him with love. "You are my baby, Aizetsu! Don't forget it, I will always be there for you!"

Gyokko:

You are lazy, always looking tired, but very generous and kind.

Gyokko wants to scream everytime he sees you looking as if you just woke up. He actually does scream at times, horrified, really. "AHHHHHHHHH! Oh gods, oh gods, you look TERRIBLE! What happened?!" You just look at him, not really caring of your appereance, before smiling softly to him. "I stayed up late, that's all. Don't worry about me, Gyokko." That only frustrates him more "I'M NOT WORRIED! I'M DISGUSTED! GO BACK TO SLEEP!"

Honestly, there are times he thinks just eating you and get over with it would be easier, but he doesn't want to risk it. As a human, anything that happens to you might be your last breath. He doesn't want you gone, and it's easier to blame how fragile your body your state instead of the fact thatcyou don't take that much care of yourself. Specially because you care a lot for others, always helping around, giving others your time, energy and resources.

And while that is the reason he loves you, he feels you should focus more on yourself at times. But you spend a lot of time together. Sometimes you watch him from afar while he makes pots, other times he watches you help others. You watch him with kindness and awe, he watches whoever is with you with anger and frustration. "Stop wasting so much on others! Come with me right now, I'm taking you away!" You are the most patient and understanding, you you mend the problems you both have. "Let me finish this favor I promised someone and I will go out with you. Don't be impatient." He is impatient, but you both manage.

Gyutaro:

Well-born, you are very healthy in every sense possible.

Gyutaro doesn't even know what is that you like from him, he's poor, ugly, sounds ill, has low self-steem, can't say no to Daki, has enough envy to fill the district's money if he was paid for it, and you can keep listing. And you still stay around. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what is going on."

He has so much envy of you. You are reliable with your emotions, you have a body you clearly take care of, a well developed brain and skills, you are socially apt, and you were born in a family with money. You are everything he hates and yet you are so good... "I really just want... something, ne. I don't know. Give me something from you, ne." You give him a hug and he burries his face into you.

You know how to treat yourself and others without getting hurt, without being anything like him. He really would love to be more like you, just like he loves to have you around to help him. Because he loves his sister, but he also wants somwhere he can heal, and you are good health personificated for him "Let's keep this a bit, ne." He tells you. "Alright, and you're welcome." He thanks you softly as he follows your lead and trust you to help him with whatche needs, even when he doesn't want ir or disagrees.... he thinks you could fix him.

#top reader #demon slayer #kny #upper moons #kny x reader #karaku #urogi #aizetsu #sekido #gyokko #gyutaro #hantengu #kokushibou #douma #akaza #nakime #kny headcanons #kny spoilers #demon slayer spoilers #spoiler

[paigeswrld]

Heart of Ice pt. 2

Azriel x Archeron!reader

Warnings: mentions of depression, angst, longing, I think that’s it??

WC: 2.8k

A/N: you guys are all so sweet, thank you for all the love on the first part<3 that was my first time ever writing anything, and when I started writing it I had no plan, just started typing. The fact that I got so much love blew my mind! There will be a third part to this, I think that will be the final part. I decided to just tag everyone that commented..(I’m new to tumblr so idk if it’ll work) Thank you guys for the support! I know I didn’t reply, but I saw every comment and I can’t begin to express how happy it made me to see that people actually liked it??

I’m always welcome to constructive criticism<33

****************************************************

After the night that Azriel promised to help you with your powers, you two spent a lot of time together. He tried taking you to the House of Wind to train, but you refused. You couldn’t stand to be around the others, not yet anyway. So, you began training in the woods.

Today was the start of the second week of training. Like yesterday, you spent an entire hour on silly breathing exercises for the mind, claiming that if you learn to control your mind then you can control your powers. Afterwards was spent doing physical training. With your lack of muscle, even the smallest things left your legs shaking and lungs gasping for air. Luckily, your new fae body had you gaining muscle much quicker than when you were human. Once you were entirely exhausted, he had you work on controlling your powers.

You still hadn’t managed to do more than conjure up a few snowflakes, and when you did manage more than that, you had trouble controlling where it went. Right now, Azriel wanted you to focus on making small, controlled patches of ice using water already in a puddle. It’s easier to use what’s already there then create something out of thin air, he had told you.

“Why do we do this last? Shouldn’t I practice when I have my full strength?” You turn to him after unsuccessfully trying to turn the small puddle to ice.

“If you learn to harness your powers while worn out, it’ll be easier at full strength. Besides, if you're tired, then your powers will be weaker, and there will be less risk of something going terribly wrong. Now try again.” He’s leaning against the tree, a casual day of pushing you to exhaustion.

You huff and turn back to the puddle. Deep breaths Y/N. Focus. It’s just a small puddle, you can turn it to ice. You willed your mind to stay calm, to focus simply on the puddle. You dig deep inside of you, invisible hands grasping the ice inside you and pushing it out, towards the puddle. It didn’t work. You hear a crackling, and a grunt from Azriel. You turn to him, only to find his legs frozen in a chunk of ice.

Never had you seen such shock on his face, which quickly turned to annoyance as he said, "Y/N, get me out of this damn ice."

You tried so, so hard to choke back the laugh that rose in your throat, but to no avail. Soon enough, you were doubled over in laughter. The sight of Azriel, the all mighty shadowsinger, stuck in a block of ice was quite possibly the most ridiculous thing you had ever seen.

Azriel, however, looked far from amused. "Y/N, you need to focus. Melt the ice and then you can laugh all you want, but my feet are getting cold." Even though the shadowsinger tried to look angry, you could still hear the hint of amusement in his voice.

“Okay, okay fine.” You took deep breaths, calming your mind, before putting all your focus on turning the ice to water. You weren’t entirely convinced it would work, considering you couldn’t manage the puddle.

“I’d rather not lose my toes to frostbite, so if you could speed this up, that would be great.”

You sent a glare towards the male. “You know, I could just leave you here. Leave you to find your own way out of the ice.”

He smirked at you, his arms crossed, “You and I both know you’re not going to leave me. We’re miles from home and out of range of Rhys’ daemati powers. You have nowhere to go.”

Story of your life.

With a sigh, you focus again on that stupid chunk of ice. Despite being trapped in the ice, Azriel still thought it okay to taunt you, even though he relied on you to get out of his situation. What a fool. You were beginning to regret letting that stupid, arrogant, handsome male train you…

Suddenly, there was a crack of ice and the splash of water, your shoes becoming soaked.

You looked at Azriel, who was now free of the ice, everything below his knees soaked. Despite the cold of his legs, Azriel was grinning at you. Grinning at you like a madman.

“You did it! You did it Y/N!” He rushed toward you and before you could react, he threw his arms around your waist spinning you around while laughing, “I knew you could do it, I just had to get you mad enough!”

Finally, he put you down, that adorable grin still on his face. You looked at him confused, “What do you mean ‘get me mad enough’?”

“Like most people, your powers tend to react more to negative emotions, including anger. I figured if I was able to annoy you enough, you would be able to use those emotions towards changing the ice to water. I was right.” That smug smirk was back on his face.

Rolling your eyes you said to him, “Does this mean I have to make myself angry every time I want to use my powers?”

“No, but in the beginning, it might help.”

You nodded. What Azriel said made sense. Your magic did tend to act up when you were feeling a negative emotion, like anger or fear. But with that numbness still deep in your heart, it was hard to muster up any emotions, even negative ones. Your time with Azriel was the only reprieve you had from that feeling. With him, the ice caging your heart melted just the slightest bit, slowly melting more and more as the days with him went on.

Finally pulling yourself out of you thoughts, you realized Azriel must be freezing. “We should probably go, wouldn’t want you to get that frostbite you were talking about.” And with that you two were off, back to the city of Velaris.

As you lay in your bed that night, it dawned on you, that was the first time you had laughed in months.

***

As the weeks flew by, you began to master your powers. You could conjure up snow storms in small areas, trap people in ice, throw ice daggers, and that was just the surface, according to Azriel. Yet, you still couldn’t shake the freezing cold that followed you wherever you went, no matter how hot the fire or the amount of blankets you piled upon yourself.

While spending time with Azriel helped tremendously for that numbness that had been plaguing you, it wasn’t the cure. There were days, like today, where it was worse and you couldn’t bring yourself to get out of your bed. Azriel had knocked on your door twice now, but you had simply pulled the covers over your head and attempted to block out any and all light.

Darkness. Darkness was what you wanted. Darkness would welcome you with open arms, it would hold you as you fell back into that deep, dark, bottomless pit of numbing depression. You would stay there forever. If you stayed there, you wouldn’t have to face your sisters again. Or the inner circle. Or the feelings for Azriel that were becoming harder and harder to ignore. None of it would bother you, and you would rather lay here and rot than face those things head on.

To your dismay, the Shadowsinger walked in, creating a crack of light in your dark pit. “What are you still doing in bed? We were supposed to start training 20 minutes ago.”

You decided to just ignore him, pulling the cover farther over your head.

You feel a dip on the edge of the bed. “Did you stay up too late last night?”

Finally, you give him a response, “No.” In fact, you had fallen asleep right after you got home, neglecting dinner and a bath.

He sighs, “Then what’s going on? You need to talk to me.”

You try to come up with an excuse, to think of anything that will get him to leave you alone. You almost told him you had your cycle, but if that were true, he’d smell it on you.

“I’m just… not feeling well today. I think we should cancel training for the day.” Your voice came out muffled by the covers.

“Do you need to see a healer? Are you sick?”

An easy out. “Yes, I’m sick. Nothing serious, just need to rest for a day or two. Then I’ll be fine.” You stayed under the covers, not trusting that you’ll be able to keep up the lie if you look into those hazel eyes.

“When Fae get sick, it’s often very serious. We should probably get you to a healer. I’ll have Rhys get Madja.”

“No!” You sit up all of a sudden, pushing back the covers and your eyes wide, “I don’t need a healer. Please don’t call Rhys in here, or anyone for that matter. I just want to be left alone.” You pick at your nails, not having the courage to look him in the eyes.

Ever so gently, he takes your chin into his scarred hand and brings your eyes to his, “Tell me what’s really going on sweetheart. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.” Concern laced his features as he looked at you.

You look to the side, struggling to keep eye contact. “I just… I get this feeling sometimes. Where I no longer care about anything. About myself. And I just want to lay in bed forever, in the darkness. It’s like I can’t get myself to feel anything but numb, more so than usual. I don’t want to leave bed, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I used to be afraid of the dark, before the Cauldron, but ever since I was Made it’s the only thing that makes me feel safe, it’s comforting.” You could feel your cheeks turning red at your confession, you’ve never been so vulnerable with someone.

Azriel’s voice is thick with emotion as he says, “And does anything help you to get out of these moods?”

You shake your head.

“Very well.” He stands up and walks out the door, and the feeling of rejection seeps into your bones. You had scared him away. Only a couple minutes later he returns, having changed out of his leathers into a t-shirt and sweatpants. Your eyes follow him as he walks over to your bed and pulls back the covers, placing himself right next to you.

“What are you doing?”

“We will spend two hours here, in this bed, and then we are going to spend the day outside, maybe have a picnic. Is that okay with you?” He settles down into the bed and turns on his side to face you. Unable to find the words, you merely nod your head.

“Good. I know that this is hard, and that being told that it will pass isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s true and it will. Until then, I will be by your side, helping you every step of the way. But Y/N,” you meet his eyes then, and he puts a hand on your cheek, “I can’t fix you, I can only be there to support you. This is something you have to do on your own, nobody else can do it for you. Okay?”

You could almost feel the ice inside your chest melting away. Tears were starting to form in your eyes, and your voice wobbled when you spoke, “Okay.”

A small smile formed on Azriels lips. He pulled you into his arms, and to your surprise, gave you a delicate kiss on the forehead. “Go back to sleep sweetheart, we have a picnic to rest up for.”

As your eyes drift close, Azriels shadows create a veil of complete darkness around you both. It seemed at that moment, something akin to love began to push its way through the ice in your heart, and not once did he mention the chill on your skin, or how his arms seemed to be the only thing that kept it at bay.

***

It had been three months since the day Azriel comforted you in bed. He has continued to do so anytime he found you nestled under the covers, refusing to leave. Some days he would hold you while you told him all of your thoughts, exposing every corner of your wretched mind. Other days you two would stay completely silent, allowing the darkness to be your only source of comfort.

But there was that one day… that one day that Azriel told you everything. He had laid his heart bare for you to see, showing you the darkness that lurked inside. He told you of his childhood, the story behind his hands, the fears and nightmares that still haunt him. The worst one, he had told you, was that voice in his head, his fathers voice, telling him he would never be enough. Telling him nobody would ever love him, for how could somebody love a monster such as Azriel? He wiped away your tears, and you his, as you told him that anyone would be lucky to have him as their own, that they should feel honored. You couldn’t help but see the resemblance… how you both never felt like you were enough. You hugged him tighter after that, and he drifted off to sleep shortly after.

It was that day that the bond snapped for you, as you looked at Az peacefully asleep in your arms. You let out a gasp, not loud enough to wake him. You could feel it then, that golden tether linking you two together for eternity. You couldn’t help but smile at the thought of the male you’d grown to love being yours for the rest of your existence.

There was one problem, you realized. You still hadn’t forgiven your sisters, and they you, and you weren’t sure you ever could. How could you ever get over such a thing? That feeling of love quickly turned to a feeling of dread as you realized, Azriel would have to choose. These people were his family, and even if you were his mate, that didn’t mean he would pick you. You had decided then that you wouldn’t tell him. You knew that if you did, you would lose your mate forever, and you would rather love him as his friend than not get to love him at all.

***

It had been a week since the bond snapped, and you now stood skipping stones in front of a small pond as Azriel tried to convince you to attend family dinner at the House of Wind. He’s been trying to do so for the past couple weeks, claiming everyone wants to see you.

“I’ve already told you Az, it’s too much. What if something goes wrong with my powers again?” Not turning to face Azriel as you threw a stone at the water, sending it skipping across the pond.

You could almost hear the frown in his voice, “You have full control over your powers now, you can’t keep using that same excuse. They all want to see you, they miss you.”

You turned back to face him as your face scrunched up in anger, “Don’t lie to me Az. They don’t know me well enough to miss me. Those that do don’t care about me, they just want me to show up and act like everything is fine so they don’t have a guilty conscience. I won’t put myself through the pain of having to act like I’m okay just to soothe their selfish worries about their character.” You were almost chest to chest with the Shadowsinger, temper rising as you stared him down.

“If you just gave them a chance, Feyre and Elain both ask about you every time I come home, and even Nesta has asked how you are doing. What they did was wrong, but they’re trying to make things better. Shouldn’t you at least hear them out? If not for them, then for you. Give yourself that closure.” You could see the pleading in his eyes, begging you to do this. For you. For him.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say no, not as he looked at you with those big, beautiful eyes. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes before looking back up to him, “Okay. One dinner, and you have to promise that if I want to leave at any point— even if we just stepped foot through the door— you will get me out of there. Deal?”

He put his hands on your waist, pulling you even closer, “It’s a deal.” As you looked at him, triumph written all over his face, you began to wonder if maybe, for a chance at being with him, you could look past all that your sisters had done.

And so it was settled, two days from now you would be attending the Inner Circle’s family dinner.

***************************************************

Taglist:

@illyrian-dreamer @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @venussdovess @fall-myriad @mischiefmaryon @lana08 @aetherl0l @anniestar2 @nobody00sthings @goldenmagnolias @booksboysandbaklava @letspretendimnottrash @xiangping-28 @nemesis6666 @im-bili @brekkershadowsinger @feyretopia @katcandy @valeridarkness

#azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #acotar x reader #azriel x you #acotar fanfiction #acotar

[junggunz]

blood on me ft. gun park | 🔞

summary: your former mentor cuts you from training under him without any reason. when he finally speaks to you after weeks of radio silence, you're shocked by the confession he makes. cw: fembodied!reader, smut, long ass build up tbh sorry, established relationship, power imbalances - reader was a candidate for becoming gun's successor, oral (f and m receiving), p in v, gun is lowkey a creep ngl, wc: 3k an: omg i can finally cross ONE thing off my to do list after this long smh. as usual, im killing two birds with one stone. someone asked for gun + sixty nining ages ago and i have an entire playlist of song fics to do. if you've seen the playlist, ignore the fact i skipped a few songs lmao.

temporary shame, I know you like the taste.

Rejected Prodigy. It’s your contact name in Gun’s phone. But he would never let you know that he even bothered to go through the hassle of finding your phone number number. Or the fact that he’s been secretly tracking your location just to see what you’re up to without needing to actually speak to you. Fascination borderlining on obsession was the best way to describe how Gun felt toward you. 

It would be a lie to say that he wasn’t impressed by your fighting prowess. Goo had once made a comment that didn’t sit well with your soul, provoking you to knock him out was just a small display of just how much strength you held in such an unassuming body. 

Alongside god tier level fighting skills, you had impeccable leadership. A natural talent for making money. And your gorgeous face that was more than enough to get others to bend to your will was the cherry on top. Despite the way you subtly reminded Gun of Samuel in his earlier days with the way you desperately craved his approval, you were the perfect candidate to be his replacement for when he wanted to retire. 

However, Gun eventually cuts you off. He has no problem announcing it in front of all the other candidates that there are multiple reasons why you’re eliminated. As much as you pressed and tried to pry to get Gun to divulge his thought process to you, he wouldn’t relent or explain what those reasons were. In his mind, Gun is aware that the reasons he decided to sever ties with you are petty but that doesn’t mean much to him; the idea of having to utter the exact reasons to your face about your disqualification is what keeps him tight lipped and fills him with shame. 

If getting his arm broken by Daniel was better than any night Gun had with a woman, having you give him a concussion sent him straight to Nirvana. During a one on one training session against him, sparring with you had left Gun with an uncomfortable tightness in his pants. You made it impossible for him to focus on anything besides how your body feels against him when you put him into a chokehold. With how intoxicating your fragrance is, it was almost like he found comfort in you crushing his windpipe. He was more than willing to pass out in your embrace. Most— if not all— of the sweat he shed had come from a place of his body burning up with lust rather than physical exertion. Seeing that you had the physical strength to overwhelm him, the last thing he wanted was to give you an emotional upperhand by making you aware of how he felt toward you. 

Meanwhile, Gun rejecting you after all his arduous training you endured was enough to push you to resent him. Having him break your spirit this way felt akin to a romantic heartbreak and it was the most revolting experience you’ve had. You couldn’t stand how much time you wasted trying to get his approval. How much effort you put toward attempting to impress a cold blooded killer. What pissed you off even more was the slight chance that he was just fucking with you for the hell of it. Faced with the task of trying to figure out how to best serve the cold platter of revenge to him, the infamous Shiro Oni occupied way more space in your mind than you would like to admit. 

You don’t keep track of how long you’ve gone without seeing your former mentor, but Gun sure does. It’s exactly 4 weeks. 1 day. 1 hour. And approximately 24 minutes since the two of you cross paths. With how tenacious you seemed about being accepted by him, Gun assumed that you would be the one to reach out to him first. Preferably groveling and begging for another chance, but you showing off your talents to sway him was something he wouldn’t pass up either. Your pride doesn’t allow you to seek him out and instead, he is the one who has to make the sacrifice; showing up to where you were hanging out for the day. 

Gun expected you to be delighted to see him again, perhaps elated by thoughts of him giving you a second chance. You’re not. He expected you to lash out at him once he noticed the look of annoyance cross your face upon locking eyes with him. You don’t. Your lack of reaction shouldn’t make him want you even more; but it does anyway. And with how much distance that’s been put between the two of you, his heart has grown quite fond of you. Even if he wouldn’t use that exact verbiage.

When you try to leave the area, Gun closes the distance between the two of you with just a few strides of his long legs and catches you by the wrist, holding you in an ironclad grip that frustrates you as much as it renders you stuck. With how weakly you try to escape his grasp, Gun begins to ponder why you hadn’t pulled one of your various tricks to shake him. Wishful thinking wants to believe that you secretly like his touch. However, he could admit that his thoughts tend to get deluded when it comes to you.

“Come with me, I think we should have a little chat.” Gun tells you, not really giving you any other option besides following him peacefully or making a scene in public. Quite honestly, you don’t care about causing a disturbance but you find yourself going along with Gun anyway solely because you’re curious about what he was to say. 

The nearest private space happens to be his car and he doesn’t think twice before opening the door for you and not so gently ushering you into the passenger seat before he gets into the driver’s side. He’s quick to lock the doors from his seat and when you hear the locks click, you groan loudly.

“You reject me and now you’re holding me hostage. What the hell is your issue?” You snap, looking at him with your brows furrowed. 

“You’re my issue.” Gun responds without missing a beat, dark eyes holding your gaze; the expression he wears is one you haven’t seen before and it makes you freeze up. “You wanna know why I eliminated you?”

You brace yourself, expecting him to tear you down and go into excruciating detail about every single one of your shortcomings. Having experienced it first hand when he humiliated you in front of the other candidates, you know Gun isn’t one to spare anyone’s feelings. If you were terrible at something, he had no problem picking you apart and if you did well…sometimes he’d give you a compliment. It was all a matter of how nice he was feeling in the moment. 

You waited for him to spit his venom at you and eat away at the last shred of respect you had for him. But it never comes. Instead, you get his scarred hand grabbing your face and staring you down with narrowed eyes that resemble the icy and collected yet predatory stare of a snake. 

“I can’t have a successor that makes me lose focus while training.” Gun says to you through gritted teeth almost as if it pains him to tell you this. 

Hearing this from him doesn’t give you the closure you sought out and only prompts more questions to arise in your mind. Keeping your eyes locked on his, he doesn’t see your hand reaching for his wrist and going for the pressure point. Inhaling sharply at the sudden shock, he releases your jaw from his hold with an anguished laugh.

“Are you fucking serious? That’s it?” You practically snarl, your gaze being fiery enough to cause him to feel suffocated with the intense atmosphere the two of you sit in. 

“What were you expecting to hear?” He questions as a lopsided smirk graces his lips. “If it were simply a matter of you being unskilled, I'd have no problem announcing that to everyone else. It’d be embarrassing if I had to admit out loud that you were rejected just because you evoke more…primal emotions within me.”

Upon hearing Gun’s admission, you need to stay quiet for a bit. You knew if you said something immediately, all that would come from your mouth is a series of curses and swears that would make a sailor blush. Jaw tensing up, your anger steadily bubbling within you, your emotional control is really being tested. The petty reason for your disqualification makes you want to rip his head off, yet you’re filled with a sense of pride knowing that you now know one of Gun’s weak spots. 

All the days you spent toiling over ideas of getting back at him weren’t in vain because now you were being rewarded with him telling you verbatim that it’s you who’s his Achilles heel. Expression softening as you fall into the role of a temptress, you call out to him like a Siren; your hand boldly settling on his inner thigh. 

“Don’t waste anymore time telling me how you feel and just show me.” You taunt him, eyes glossed over with a dangerous lust that challenges him to cross the threshold and forever alter the relationship dynamic the two of you had. “I would have never guessed that all those times I caught you staring at me, you were looking at me with lust and not just criticism.” You muse, mostly to yourself. Even if you were using sex as a means of messing with his mind, there was no denying that you would no longer see him as a former mentor who bruised your ego and he wouldn’t view you as the star pupil he had to drop due to conflicts of interest. 

There’s nothing at stake for the two of you and it’s exactly why you let Gun take you back to his place. As soon as the door closes behind you, you have a moment where you almost want to back out; knowing that making Gun think you wanted him back only to leave him high and dry would be enough of a mindfuck for him. But when you feel his lips collide with yours, the unmistakable sense of carnality he kisses you with is infectious. You find yourself genuinely craving him and needing to feel more of him even if you had never thought of him that way prior. 

Barely getting your shoes off, Gun embraces you in an almost possessive manner, trapping your frame in his arms and forcing you to feel just how hot he got for you. 

“Don’t think I’m gonna let you get off so easily.” He murmurs against your lips when he finally breaks the kiss. 

You should have known better to think for even for a second that he would permit you to leave once he’s finally gotten you back. It took a lot of effort for him to set aside his pride and be vulnerable with you about how he felt. But Gun swore to himself that he would make sure he dragged you down with him into the pit of maddening lust he was wading through. 

Clothes fly off in a frenzy, tarnishing the once immaculate space of his penthouse and leave a trail of garments that lead down the hall to his bedroom. It’s a fight to get you into the position he wants; however, that only made the experience more exhilarating for him. 

Despite you being the one on top, you’re rendered into a state of vulnerability due to how exposed you are. Your pussy in his face, his rough hands anchored on your ass to keep you in place to prevent you from wriggling out of his hold.  Any semblance of power slips out of your hands when you start moaning along his cock while Gun’s tongue starts to lap at your clit. Not wanting to be outdone by him, the one hand you keep on his shaft tightens its hold; jerking him faster while you continue to suckle on the head of his length and tease the tip with your tongue. You’re pleased by how easily it causes him to buck his hips into your mouth, but you hate how his size makes you gag and drool around him. Sputtering and gasping as you pull your mouth off of him, a choked out moan escapes you while Gun eats you out so voraciously. 

“You’re just good at everything, aren’t you?” Gun chuckles softly into your flesh, trying to mask the moan that tickles his throat when he feels your tongue swirling around the tip of his cock and digging into the slit. It’s an involuntary response when his hips buck into your mouth, forcing you to take more of him into your mouth. The uncomfortable stretch of your jaw grounds you in the moment, letting you know that this wasn’t some fucked up dream portraying the deepest secrets of your subconscious. You were seriously topping off Gun. Drooling all over his perfect cock like some brain dead slut. In his bed—while his tongue worked your soaked folds and gifted you a pleasure you didn’t think was humanly possible.  

When your need for oxygen finally outweighs your desire to make him cum, you pull away from his cock; panting heavily while one hand continues to pump him sloppily and the other almost lovingly caresses his balls.

“I fucking hate you.” You mutter in that breathy voice that Gun had become oh so enamored with whenever you spoke to him after the two of you would finish sparring. Senses clouded by each flick of his sinful tongue against your private parts, you can’t even string together the words to mock him when you feel his cock twitching in your palm.  

“If you hate me so much, why are you so wet?” He coos in a sickeningly sweet tone, one his hands relinquishing the tight hold on your ass before he dips one of his long fingers into your pussy; a pleased hum rumbling in his throat as he feels how your walls slurp up the lone digit. “Why are you working so hard to make me cum if you hate me?” 

Thankful that he couldn’t currently see the look of embarrassment that washes over your face, your grip on his cock tightens at the sound of him patronizing you. Your hold is so rigid, it almost hurts but Gun was keen on the pain. In retaliation, two more fingers join the one he had inside of you and you whine at the stretch. Your hips lurch buck incessantly; unsure whether you wanted more of him or if you were trying to escape. Alas, he had made it clear early on that any attempts of getting away from him were futile. 

“So wet but still so fucking tight like a virgin. I hope you don’t bleed on my sheets.” He laughs darkly, both of you knowing that his fingers couldn’t compare to the girthy length you currently held in your hand. Fully giving into the demons of lust, your body slackens on top of Gun’s as you lean in to take his cock into your mouth again now that your breathing has evened out.  

There’s an obvious switch that’s been triggered in your brain. You definitely feel the change—and so can Gun as your tongue drags along the veins of his cock with even more precision and care. All efforts to make him cum first are in vain and you end up with quivering thighs and ragged breathing while you're overcome with a bliss you've never known until now. Your obscene moans are mostly muffled due to your mouth being filled by Gun’s length, your lips are poutier than usual when he gently pulls you away and you have no other choice but to admit your defeat. 

Limbs oh so malleable and your mind vacant as a result of the intensity of your orgasm, your resistance is the least of Gun’s worries when he rearranges your body on top of his. There’s no time to fuss or fret about how much you secretly enjoy the feeling of laying back against his broad, muscular chest before he’s grabbing you by the back of the knees to keep your legs apart while the tip of his cock breaches your entrance. Writhing in his hold, you take in each inch with little whimpers trying to get past your lips; the stretch blurring the lines between pain and pleasure. Not even giving you a moment to gather yourself, Gun is rutting his hips up into you, his veiny cock gliding in and out of your hole with his feet firmly planted on to his bed to aid him in keeping his consistently quick pace.                                                                                                                                      

Squeezing your eyes shut, you endure being split open by him. You felt like you were being carried off into cloud nine as the sting of his cock stretching you out had now blossomed into a mind numbing pleasure. Being rendered into this state of submissiveness by your former mentor caused you to give up on thinking about anything else but the sensation of his heavy cock filling you up and hitting all the right spots with minimal effort. The low groans and growls you could hear him emitting from behind you had been the cherry on top, making you even more excited. 

“We could make this a regular thing if you like it this much, you know?” Gun mumbles in your ear as if he was able to sift through the simple thoughts drifting in your mind. 

Whether or not you wanted to fall back into the routine of seeing Gun on a weekly basis and doing a different type of cardio would linger in your head. But for now, all you wanted was to test both your limits and see how much elation he could bring you in one night.

#lookism smut #lookism x reader #lookism gun x reader #gun x reader #gun park scenarios #gun park smut #junggunz.txt

[whoeveniswren]

my friend: hey, so how come Hannibal likes Clarice so much?

my other friend: i don't know probably because-

me:

*AHEM* You see, Hannibal respects Clarice because she is different from all of the money-hungry, insatiable male police officers who are after glory- Who get a rise out of saying they spoke to the great Hannibal Lecter while not being actually brave enough to converse with him authentically. They think of him as less than human, and only care about advancement. Because of this, Hannibal has come to know the FBI as a corrupt field full of corrupt officers, therefore he feels no need to give them any respect since they can't even look him in the eye. But then Clarice comes along. Instantly, she gives him respect, calling him "Doctor Lecter," being "courteous and receptive to courtesy". Hannibal is surprised she does not back down, especially since she is a woman in a very masculine career, something he already admires her for. He expects that, after he insults her, she will not come back, just like all the other cops. But she does come back, in the pouring rain, and suddenly his opinion of her soars. Nobody has ever exuded such passion for saving these victims like Clarice before. He offers her his towel, likely one of his only possessions, because he sees her goodness, her intelligence, her drive. He revels in her remarkable frankness and honesty, two things he values very highly. In the very last scene, in Memphis, is when he is truly moved by her person. In the Memphis scene, is when he truly becomes not only interested in her, but admires her deeply. Her emotional retelling of her childhood trauma about saving the lambs is what allows him to understand the goodness of her- She is truly a selfless, caring person in a world so cold and unforgiving. He changes him, and makes him believe in the goodness of humanity. THAT is what he respects about her the most, above her intelligence and respect: That she has a good heart. These lambs are the girls in a metaphorical sense, which is why he asks if saving Catherine will "make the lambs stop screaming." In the last scene, when he says goodbye to her, you can see tears welling up in his eyes. He cries because he sees her goodness, and knows therefore that she will never make it in the corrupt world of the FBI because of her refusal to stoop to unethical means in order to achieve power. This is proven true in the sequels, when Clarice’s career is tarnished because she rejects a sexual advancement made to her by her boss- Paul Krendler. Krendler makes sure after this she always gets the worst assignments and never advances because she refuses to sleep with him. He also believes Starling “robbed him” of the glory of catching Buffalo bill and is jealous that a woman, and a rookie at that, beat him to the punch. In that moment in Memphis, it’s as if Hannibal is able to see into the future, and predict her self-destruction at the hands of the FBI. He cries because he believes this is the last time he will ever see her again. He cries because he knows she is too good for the FBI, and for the patriarchal, corrupt system, yet he knows she will always blame herself for her imminent failure. (Clarice wanted to save Catherine Martin, but the FBI wanted to catch Buffalo Bill.) Her purity is a tragedy in a world so vile. For me, these two quotes from the screenwriter and director put all the underlying messages and dynamic rapport of TSOTL into an fascinating perspective:

“These are two extraordinarily gifted thinkers engaged in a tremendously important conversation. At last, a mind came into his field that was worthy of verbal and mental intercourse. I don’t know that sex has any place in any of this. I mean, yes he’s a man and yes she’s a woman; he’s very handsome and she’s very beautiful, but so what? These are minds at work here. There’s an eroticism in the thought process that transcends any kind of physical eroticism that might be between the two.” - Jonathan Demme (Director)

“The scenes between Lecter and Clarice are basically seduction scenes. They play, oddly enough, as if they were lovers. They only touch one time in the entire movie, in their last scene when he says goodbye to her- when as he hands her back her notes, he touches her finger. And it's almost a shock to the audience, when they touch. But these scenes, you would approach almost as if you were writing a sort of courtship between two lovers." - Ted Tally, Screenwriter.”

#thisiswhyihavenofriends #justkiddingidoandtheystillloveme #the silence of the lambs #clarice starling #jodie foster #anthony hopkins #film #tsotl #film analysis #jonathan demme #tedtally #horror film #autism

[wheresmymilliondollarman]

aaron warner x ferrars!reader

hcs about being juliette’s sister and aaron being enamoured by you.

(taken place during shatter me /some of unravel me) 

a/n: this is a borderline fic, but i used bullet points so i’m labeling it as hcs (LOL). i use the hayden fancast, but feel free to envision aaron as you want. reader and juliette aren’t biologically related but both adopted & grew up together thinking they were related by blood. you’ll likely being seeing me use juliette more than ella bc i prefer it and confuses less. readers powers similar to emmaline, but differs. (heavily took inspo from jean grey & wanda maximoff)  timeline changes a bit. also i don’t exactly know/remember how school worked during the book so i’m just going by my own experiences LMAO. lmk if you are interested in a part 2!

word count: 9.6k

warnings: mentions of mental and physical abuse, gun violence, mentions of injuries and blood, some swearing, long backstory, grammar errors and spelling mistakes

you and juliette were the same age; you were younger by a few months. however, due to how close your birthdays were, your “parents” decided you both would be played off as twins to yourselves and everyone else. of course, growing up you did see the differences in appearance between you and juliette, but your parents assured you it was due to being fraternal twins. 

you both were very close sisters; you shared a small bedroom in your home. facing the abuse from both your parents brought you even closer. you both shared your thoughts, secrets, feelings, and anything else with each other. anytime your parents shouted at you, hit you, or berated you, juliette was there with open arms to comfort you - telling you it would be okay. even tho she wasn’t sure herself.  you returned the favor vice versa. 

similar to juliette, you also discovered you had a curse gift at a young age. instead of a lethal touch, however, you were gifted with the ability of mental manipulation. you began to discover the nature of your ability when voices that weren’t your own, were suddenly heard in your head whenever you neared another person. being only 6, you thought you were going insane and tried to confide in your mother. she did not take well to this and scolded you for being a liar and attention seeker. she urged you never to mention this to anyone ever, or else you would be seen as a psycho freak and bring shame to the family. 

after that, you were too ashamed to even mention it to juliette, afraid she would react negatively too. eventually, you were able to piece together that the voices were actually the thoughts of others. you hated your gift; it felt like an invasion of other's privacy. you would never want someone to listen to your every thought, so why should you listen to people's. it was even worse, you couldn’t control it to prevent the unwarranted thoughts. you did what you could to try to avoid reading minds, luckily, being an outcast had its advantages because if people remained far enough, you weren’t able to hear their minds. you were cautious around juliette because you would never want to take advantage of the privacy of her mind. 

even before the accident that revealed juliette’s gift, you both were never popular among your peers. your shy personalities made most assume you were just weirdos, and as a kid, that’s the worst possible title to have when you wanna make friends. of course, there was a boy named adam kent who was occasionally kind to you both, but you could tell his interest was more focused on juliette. based on a few thoughts of juliette’s you unintentionally listened to - you knew she was forming a small crush on adam.

at one point, you were able to conjure a friend of your own during one recess. you noticed a girl in your grade, sabrina, crying behind the slide on an afternoon, and found out the reason for her distress was a bad grade on a math assignment. while sabrina didn’t tell you directly, you were able to piece together the strictness of her parents based on her thoughts. you felt sympathetic towards her, you knew how harsh parents could be on school grades. it was then you offered to help her with her assignments to prevent her from failing. the girl seemed reluctant at first, and her mind was filled with not-so-nice thoughts on you & juliettes reputation, but finally, she accepted your offer. 

sabrina’s thoughts on you were pretty negative the first few times you got together to study, she was embarrassed to be seen hanging with you, and she didn’t want to get a bad reputation among the class too.  as you hung out more, you partnership turned into a real friendship. she sat with you for a few minutes at lunch before returning to her own group, and you were invited to her house to hang out on a few occasions. sometimes like juliette, you did your best to turn a blind eye to her thoughts for the sake of her privacy - this was your first official friend, and you didn’t wanna mess it up. 

however, you did mess it up in the end. you and sabrina were friends for almost a whole school year, and you truly believed she was your best friend. any negative thoughts she had originally were nowhere to be found and replaced with mundane ones about school, family, hobbies, etc. at this point, you were still struggling to learn the extent of your abilities and having no one to confide in really affected you. you decided you could trust sabrina with your secret, and maybe just maybe, she wouldn’t hate you, and you could grow even closers as best friend. 

you were totally, indefinitely, absolutely wrong. when you confessed your mind-reading capabilities to sabrina, she laughed at you, thinking you were joking, however, after you proved her wrong by reciting phrases, word by word, spoken in her mind, she flipped out. she called you every synonym to the word freak she could come up with and ran away from you. to make matters worse she told her friends about your ability, imploring them to stay away too. of course, you were already labeled a weirdo, so why wouldn’t they believe the weirdo is actually weird. it spread to the entirety of the school which caused everyone to distance themselves from you even more. no one could trust a mind reader, much less have them as a friend when they could read your every thought. 

juliette was quick to confront you at home, in your shared bedroom, about the rumors that spread. you were quicker to break down and confess the rumors were true, how horrible having this ability has been, and the betrayal of your best friend. you thought juliette would also be disgusted with you and make a demand to our parents that you should be sent away and stay very far from her. the fears you had were shut down the moment juliette hugged you tightly and told you she loved you anyway and that she was here to support you in any way she could. 

after you calmed down a bit, you went on to explain your gift, how you found out, and how you felt alone in this whole mess. you were also quick to add on how you did your best to stray from listening in on any thoughts juliette had. your sister assured you she thought no less of you, and it wasn’t your fault you had this gift. she even joked about how she needs to remember to not think about any birthday gifts around you. you let out a soft laugh and were eternally grateful you had such an amazing and understanding sister. 

it wasn’t a shock that soon your parents soon became aware of what everyone at school was saying about you - you were sure it had already spread throughout the town. they berated you for causing embarrassment and shame to your family. unlike juliette, they treated you with disgust, making sure you knew how much of a disappointment you were. next thing you knew, you were pulled out of school for a few weeks, being homeschooled instead. if you didn’t have the comfort of juliette in your room, you would’ve been incredibly lonely in your isolation. 

it didn't end there however; you were sent to multiple therapists. your parents hoped it could help “cure” you of your “disease,” as they liked to call it. you tried multiple types of therapies, even electroshock, when your parents were especially desperate. it was a complete physical and mental torture and made you resent yourself for your gift even more. you weren’t able to see juliette as often, a few times a month if you were lucky. you wanted nothing more than her warm embrace and reassuring words. 

the final straw for your parents was when juliette accidentally killed a young boy with her touch. many believe it was done purposely, even though she was only trying to save that boy. your parents were even more horrified at this point. not only did they have one freak of nature daughter, they now had two. 

you and juliette were both taken away and sent to scientists to be studied and tested on from then on. they experimented on you constantly and tied you down to the lab bed to prevent you from moving. you were beginning to prefer the therapies. hearing juliette’s yells of pain from the table next to yours made you want to kill hurt the scientists badly. it was worse when you knew from their thoughts they had no remorse either but were heavily fascinated with both of your guys’ abilities.  it hurt you to know your sister was going through the same thing, and it infuriated you how they treated you both like wild animals. neither of you asked to be born with this curse. 

eventually, you and your sister were both sent to the asylum quickly after that. while the events that brought you here were poor, you were grateful to share a room and be close to your sister again, even in a hell like that. juliette, however, didn't allow you too near her - afraid she would hurt you as well. you tried to reassure her that she’s never hurt you in any way, and that she’s touched you before the accident, but she didn’t want to risk it. you understood, if you thought there was even just a chance you would hurt and possibly kill juliette, you wouldn’t take it. 

nonetheless, you still did your best to comfort each other in the harsh environment. it was still hard to be happy in the asylum; the treatment didn’t differ much from home. still seen as weird freaks by guards. when the morale was low, you did your best to bring up any happy memories the two of you shared, and juliette would let a small smile grow on her face here and there. however, you couldn’t help but grow lonelier and a bit insane as the days passed. you were too distraught with your own thoughts to really listen in on juliettes, but from bits, you heard you were able to piece this place was also affecting her mentally. 

it was after 264 days (juliette made sure to keep track of the days they were there) that the guards brought in another prisoner, more specifically, a man. you thought this was a cruel joke from the guards; why would they add someone else to those closed spaces.

while you were against listening to the thoughts of others without their knowledge, you needed to make sure this guy wasn’t going to be a threat to you or juliette. however, you heard nothing. no thoughts, no images, no voice - it was silent. you were stunned; this was the first time you haven’t been able to read someone's mind. you probably would’ve been happy if it weren’t for the fact you actually wanted to know this guy’s thoughts. 

adam, you learned your roommate’s name was, was an asshole the first few nights. it started when, without even saying anything, he took over both yours and juliette’s beds for himself, even taking what little blanket and pillows you had. you protested immediately and got up to try and take back your beds, but juliette pulled on your shirt, reeling you back. she insisted the fight wasn’t worth it. you gave in, but still insisted to adam he at least gave you a blanket so you both didn’t freeze to death. he gave you a deep glare but relented anyway. 

those nights you and juliette would huddle in a corner to try your best to sleep, using what you could spare of the blanket to separate juliette from touching you directly. you whispered to juliette about how you couldn’t read his mind, and she seemed as stumped as you were.

adam eventually gave you a bed back so you could sleep a bit comfier. you thanked him, even though he shouldn’t have taken it in the first place, but wanted to remain peaceful. juliette insisted you both help him adjust to the routine here to return the favor. he began to try to press on any backstory about you and juliette, and juliette often responded for the both of you, never giving much information. she also was adamant he seemed quite familiar, but she didn’t know why.

the three of you became somewhat friends, and it would’ve been nicer if you all weren’t stuck in a hell hole. still, you and juliette was able to learn more about the current world through adam; things seemed to be darker than they were 3 years ago. you could sense adam and juliette were forming an unspoken attachment, but you never pressed juliette on it. some nights you would try to go to bed early to give them the privacy to talk. 

you were startled awake one morning by the sound of yelling and guards entering the cell. you turned to juliette to question her on what was happening, but before she could even form a response, you were both pulled roughly by guards and pushed on the ground. they yelled at you to not move or speak, but you still called out to your sister and tried to reach her - which got you a horrible kick to the ribs. you don’t remember much, only vaguely hearing some yelling from adam. before your vision went black. 

the next time you woke up, you were, once again, in what seemed a prison cell. after gaining little strength to sit up, you found juliette next to you - barely waking up herself. you threw each other worried glances, and she mouthed to you it was going to be alright. but you knew from her mind she was already panicking as well. 

the door opened behind you, but you were still a little out of it and too focused on juliette to look as quickly as she did. suddenly her face looked like she saw a ghost. you threw a confused glance to, which she ignored, so you followed your line of vision - adam. based on his attire matching the other guards that entered the room, you knew that meant he was working with them. both sisters were heavily confused about what was going on, but adam was quick to demand that the two of you get up, threatening you with the gun in his hand. 

you both were led to a dark room that suddenly filled with light after you walked in. before your vision could adjust to the light again, a voice called out to the guards to bring you and juliette closer - this prompt them to shoved you with the butt of their guns. 

first thing you noticed was that a man sat before you on a folding chair. the man couldn’t have been that much older than you - he was tall, maybe 6′0 ft, give or take, he had a head full of golden blonde wavy hair, his attire seemed that of a general (decorated with different medallions), and his eyes were a piercing green. he looked straight out of a victorian painting; he was surreal to look at. his presence gave that it demanded respect, and based on the fearful thoughts of the soldiers behind you, he always got it. he was gorgeous intimidating. 

you noticed a name tag on his attire - warner, it said. 

“ferrars sisters, we meet at last.” 

you and juliette remained silent, still not fully understanding what was happening. he leaned closer toward you two, and without even thinking, you stepped in front of your sister. this seemed to intrigue warner, making a crooked smile on his lips. 

he continued anyway - going on to explain adam’s role in the asylum. but as soon as you heard the word kent - you put it together and knew juliette had done the same. adam was the same boy from all the years ago - the one juliette constantly thought of to this day. it took everything in you to not turn to adam at that moment. you knew this betrayal was affecting juliette as well.

not waiting for your reactions, warner went on to say he had a proposition for the both of you to join the reestablishment. you then learned he knew about the abilities you both have; he had been studying the two of you for years. 

creep, you thought. but after a wide-eyed glance from juliette and a painful kick to the back from the soldier behind you, you realized you had said that aloud. warner gave a stern look your way, but saw a small glint in his eyes. maybe it was just in your head. 

warner still went on to say how you could put your abilities to use in the reestablishment, but you knew he meant that juliette could torture people while you could always know what someone was thinking - seek out any traitors. 

you were furious with this situation and the fact warner seemed to think you two would want to hurt people willingly just because you had gifts. you spoke before you even realized it, “oh, i’m just dying to join the reestablishment after they’ve isolated juliette and i and studied us like we were animals.”

you were once again kicked, but this time to the ground - juliette even shouted at the guard a bit in protest. warner held up his hand to say it was enough. as you were getting up (agonizingly), you show warner getting up from his chair and walking closer to you. 

when he stood a foot or two in front of you, he stared at you intensely. you just wanted to crawl into a corner at that moment, his pale emerald eyes made you feel like he could see through you. you then registered another thing. you couldn’t read his mind either.

juliette decided to speak up this time, “what my sister means, is that we have no interest in joining you.” 

warners gaze seemed disappointed at this. he glanced at juliette before looking back at you, “you’re choosing the wrong side here.” 

you both were then sent off, adam being the main guard for juliette and another guard for you. (kishimoto you think his name tag said.)

you and juliette were demanded at dinner, and each brought a dress picked out by warner himself. you couldn’t even deny the dress wasn’t gorgeous, it was white, mermaid style, decorated and embroidered with pearls, subtle floral designs going all around it, some type of pendants in the middle with pearl strings draped - it was in simple, ethereal. 

now, you knew you shouldn’t accept anything warner offers you - but the little girl in you who dreamed of a dress like this took over. you told yourself you were taking advantage of what was given, it wasn’t going to persuade you. 

when it was time for dinner, you and juliette were again side by side, walking toward the dining room. the moment you saw each other, you both gasped and asked “what are you wearing?” you were shocked she was still in her attire from the asylum, and she was shocked you were wearing the dress given. 

after you both explained your reasoning, you laughed at how ridiculous you both looked in a side-by-side comparison. you quickly caught her on to the fact you couldn’t read warner mind like adam, she was shocked and urged you to not let him know for your own safety. then you gave each other a comforting look to help brace yourselves for whatever was to come. 

warner was displeased at juliette’s outfit, but seemed proud to see you were wearing what he requested. he scanned you up and down, making you shift from foot to foot nervously under his gaze. it didn’t help you notice how he cleaned up as well - crisp white dress shirt, black dress pants with a black belt and a gold buckle, fancy black shoes, and a black tuxedo coat. you also took note of the rings on his hands, but especially a green one on his pinkie, which you think you saw him wear earlier too. 

you and juliette sat at dinner, juliette directly across from adam warner next to you. him next to you did not help your nervousness, it increased it tenfold. 

the food in front of you looked so delicious you could feel the saliva forming in your mouth. all you wanted to do was dig in, but hearing juliettes thoughts, you knew she was feeling the same but going to protest it regardless. as much as you love food, you loved your sister more, so you weren’t going to feast no matter how much it pained you. and you knew juliette deeply appreciated it. 

when warner noticed this, he raised a brow, “are you not going to eat?” you nodded no and juliette responded, saying you both weren’t hungry, which was a lie of course and warner knew this. 

juliette was better at pretending than you. you couldn’t help but look at the food longingly every few minutes. you knew it was pathetic but you haven’t eaten in days. the only thing you did give in to was water because if you were gonna starve you, you could at least prevent being dehydrated to death. 

from the side of your eye you saw warner holding back a smile, as if this was hilarious to him. suddenly, he picked up your fork and picked up a bit of the (what you assumed) meat from your plate, and you for a second, you thought he was going to eat it. but instead he held it up near your mouth. “eat.” 

you face felt flush with heat, you knew you were red all over your face. “what are you doing?” were the only words you could form. 

“since you won’t eat willingly, i suppose i’ll have to feed you myself, amor.” his crooked smile was back and even wider. you wanted to die at that moment. 

you reluctantly took a bite after he showed no sign of backing down. you were deeply embarrassed feeling the gaze of everyone on you and warner; you couldn’t even look him in the eye. you knew the smug bastard took enjoyment in feeding you. 

it didn’t end after that, he did that for the entire meal, despite your many protests that you would do it yourself. even juliette followed suit in eating after a pleading look from adam. you could tell warner was pleased.

when dinner finished, warner had taken the task of walking you both back himself. he asked questions about your abilities, you both responded as vaguely as you could. he then asked you and her to showcase your gifts on him. you both profusely refuse, but he didn’t accept that. so instead, he called one of his soldiers and demanded he removes his gloves - you knew from his thoughts he was terrified but still obeyed the order. 

thats when juliette ran off, you following behind before warner grabbed your arm tightly, stopping you. he started ordering his men to get her. it didn’t take long for the soldiers to surround her, trapping you. the soldier ordered from before, jenkins, stood in front of juliette once more and, despite her begging, grabs her. 

he’s immediately bent down in pain, screaming in agony. juliette was in what seemed like a trance, and she was having trouble letting go.

you made the haste decision to knee warner in the crotch and run off to juliette. you swiftly wrapped your arms around her and pulled her away with all your strength - making you both fall to the ground. you believed a good percent she wouldn’t hurt you, but was still very relieved when no pain seemed to come.

when you turned to juliette she looked stunned but then passed out in your arms. you didn’t realize your were crying when you shook juliette’s body and repeated her name. or even when you shouted for help for the sake of both your sister and the poor guard nearly dead on the ground. 

warner (after recovering from your knee) pulled you away, trying to calm you by rubbing a hand on your back, but it only made you more furious.

you pushed him harshly back, though he barely reacted, and in a second, slapped him across the face. you angrily spewed out how he could do that to both your sister and the guard and called him nefarious names.

when you came down from your fit, you realized what you had just done and gasped, putting a hand over your mouth. while you hated warner at that moment, you knew he could kill you and juliette without a second thought. no one moved for a moment, you thought time was still. warner was looking so dangerously at you, you were starting to think you could die from it. 

without looking away, he told kent to tend to juliette, and that the rest of the men to clean up the mess and deal with jenkins. it was eventually just you and him in the hall. you suddenly found the ground very interesting. you were honestly scared. 

he grabbed your chin, making you look at him directly, “you were upset and acting rash, so i’ll let you off this once. but the next time you try something like that, it won’t be so easily forgiven, amor.” 

you said nothing but gave a slight nod in response. he then walked you to your room, and bid you a good night. 

he turned around before leaving, “don’t worry much about juliette, she’ll be alright. oh, and don’t think i’ve forgotten about your gift, i expect a demonstration very soon.” he had another stupid smirk on his face before closing your room door. oh god, you were in trouble. 

he made an appearance in your room the next day, commanding asking you to join him on a walk. you knew it wasn’t an actual question, so you got ready to go. 

you went outside, still on base grounds, and for a moment, you were shocked - you couldn’t think of how long it had been since you were outside. 

“what, never seen a tree before?” 

“i’d forgotten what they looked like.” 

you could’ve sworn you almost saw pity in his eyes, but it was quickly gone and replaced with his usual neutral face. he didn’t respond and grabbed your arm to guide you on the walk. 

he never let you out of his grip, much to your disdain. he went on to say juliette was going to be fine, along with jenkins, the guard. 

throughout the walk anytime a soldier passed by, he asked you to tell him what they were thinking. you could’ve lied, but then again, you were honestly bad at lying. so you complied. a lot of it consisted of random thoughts like hunger, complaining about their job, some light gossip, and even a few uncomfortable ones about you. warner looked irritated when you told him the last one, but overall amazed at your gift. 

he must’ve thought you have somewhat control over hearing thoughts or not because he then gave you permission to read his thoughts. you didn’t want him to know you couldn’t, so you asked him to see juliette and remove the cameras in both of your rooms before you would do so. 

he thought about it for a moment, especially regarding the camera issue, but eventually relented and agreed. he took you straight to her room, walking side with you too. 

as soon as you saw her, you gave her a huge hug and asked how she was feeling. she wasn’t used to being to someone close yet, so she tried to back away at first, but then returned the hug.  

ignoring warner still standing at the door, you both tried to think of an explanation for being immune to her touch, but couldn’t come up with anything. but you both were mutually glad you could be physically close again without a barrier. 

warner interrupted your touching moment with his questions to juliette about the night before, to which she was angry he brought up again. you knew she still thought she killed jenkins, so you cut in to let her know he was fine (mostly). they both went back and forth for a bit before you had to say your goodbyes to juliettes, dragged away by warner to your own room.

after that, he did his other part of the agreement and got your guard, kenji, to do it. while the two of you didn’t interact much, you knew he was better than the other guards assigned to you. he also often had thoughts that made you silently laugh when he wasn’t looking. 

you also saw warner quite frequently, more than you thought you would it was becoming annoying to you. he would pop up in your room almost every day - when you were in bed, walking in the room, getting out of the bathroom, etc. there was even a time you had just gotten out of the shower with a towel around you and, low and behold, he was there on your bed, with his arms behind his head looking in your direction.

you shrieked and ran back into the bathroom, yelling at him to get out. he laughed in response, telling you he didn’t mind the view, but let you know he’ll wait outside your room.

when you returned to your bed, you noticed he had left something there, clothes. he even chose the undergarments. he had the audacity to pick out your outfit after coming unannounced. but... you did end up wearing it because, hey, the guy knows how to style. 

after noticing you wore what he put out, he made it his mission to pick an outfit for you every day, even if he wasn’t physically there, he would send a guard with the clothes. 

it was annoying how good his fashion sense was because you deeply wanted to protest this and wear your own choice, but the clothes were just so pretty it was hard. you never had worn such expensive clothes before it felt nice to be able to now, even though you were basically a prisoner here. and you didn’t need to hear his thoughts to know it made warner even cockier than normal when you wore the clothes. 

whenever warner visited you it was barely ever for anything important, mostly stupid questions about yourself as if he didn’t know much of your life story. but when you tried to turn the tables and ask him personal things, he would answer vague or change the subject - even on the topic of his first name.

you saw juliette when you could, kenji was pretty lenient on it whenever you asked him to take you to her. 

the two of you discussed warner, the reestablishment, and when the topic of adam came up she admitted he could touch her as well, which was a big surprise. made you a little sad you weren’t the only one special now. she explained how she found out, and also went on to say he hadn’t betrayed you both and was going to help you and her escape. knowing there was a chance for escaping made it easier for you to live there. 

however, there were days that really made you hate warner - when he made you and juliette, witness him killing a man in person, showcasing you both like a brand new toy, his ruthless demeanor and unsympathetic nature towards others, etc. but the big one was the day he prepared some type of testing for you and juliette. 

both of you wearing a thin tank top and shorts, way more revealing than the two you were used to. the both of you uncomfortable from the stares it got from the guards. juliette was then taken into a different room from yours. you were led to a room; there wasn’t much in it except a two-way mirror several feet in front of you. you assumed warner and others would-be behind there observing whatever they set up. 

you didn’t know what was to come until dozens of guards began entering the room. as they came closer to you, you could hear all their different thoughts overlapping, getting louder, and overwhelming you. 

you guessed warner wanted to see how’d you react with so many people’s thoughts in the same room - if you were able to stop it altogether, stop some of it, or if it was overwhelming and made your head hurt, like in this moment. 

to an outsider, it was silent, but to you it was as if you were in a busy crowd walking by, hearing all the different types of conversations. you made another guess that warner told them prior to your ability, so to make sure they use their thought more than usual. 

you tried your best to focus, but it was getting to be too much that you started crouching down and holding your head. you closed your eyes and tried to concentrate on yourself. focus, try to make it stop, you told yourself. you could barely hear your own thought from all the noise of the others. stop. stop. please. be quiet. stop it.

“stop! shut up!” you shot up and yelled out, frustrated. it was quiet; you didn’t hear anything. your relief was short-lived as your eyes went wide when saw everyone in the room was now crouched or kneeling down, holding their heads as they shouted out in pain. 

you didn’t understand what happened; all you did was block them out. you did this, you realized you were hurting them. 

you looked around at everyone, trying to figure out how to help, but their pleas and begs for you to stop increasingly grew. you again couldn’t think with everyone shouting at you in agony, it was much worse than when you only heard their thoughts. 

you tried to talk to them, “i’m sorry! i-i don’t know what happened! i’ll fix this! please, i just need a moment to think!” you were quickly panicking and feeling like you were going to cry, burst, or both. a fire feeling was bubbling up inside of you.

you couldn’t control it, your body took over, and you closed your eyes and let out a loud yell - falling down onto your knees. 

instantly, everyone and everything in the room was pushed by an invisible force serval feet back. the mirror separating you from the observers was also broken into hundreds of pieces.

you gasped, both hand covering your mouth as you saw the damage done. did you really do all of this? you didn’t understand how it was possible. you backed against the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor and pulling up your knees to hug them.

during your breakdown, warner must’ve come out of the other room because he had come slowly walking toward you. you didn’t want to be near anyone at that moment, much less the man responsible for this experiment. he didn’t get too close before you put a hand out to tell him to stop, but instead, it accidentally sent him flying a foot or two back, resulting in him stumbling on his back to the floor. 

you again gasp, horrified. you hadn’t even meant to do that. you felt like an out-of-control monster. unlocking a new ability should’ve been fun, but this was too traumatizing for you. 

you buried your head into your knees and started sobbing, begging for this to all be a dream and that you didn’t actually just hurt a ton of people with your powers. you felt like the star of the carrie movie. 

during all your crying, warner had gotten up again and kneeled beside you. you would’ve been shocked he wanted to be near you again if you weren’t so disoriented. he pulled you close to him, petting your hair in an attempt to soothe you. you were too physically and mentally exhausted to protest his comfort. 

it was all a blur when you were taken back to your room and tucked into bed by warner. you had no energy to change, shower, or even try to check on juliette. you blacked out before you knew it. 

juliette sought you out the next day; she also looked distressed. before she could even talk, you knew from mental images what had gone down. you held her close and cursed warner up and down for doing that to her. you were also astounded at her newfound ability. she asked about you, and you confided in her what had happened with your testing. similar to you she was bewildered to learn what else you could do. 

she brought up the topic of escaping again, and you were happy to jump on that topic. adam then walked into the room; you both greeted each other with a hug - you hadn’t realized how long it had been since you saw or even interacted with each other. you three then divulged into possible ways to leave; the quicker the better. but you were interrupted when an alarm went off in the whole building, commanding all soldiers to gather. juliette urged adam to go to avoid suspicion. 

he hesitated, and in that moment, warner barged into your room. he gave juliette and adam questioning glances, “soldier, what are you two doing here, there an alarm.” 

adam was quick with an excuse. “we were already here before the alarm went off. i wasn’t sure what to do with them as juliette was under my watch, which also extends to her sister.” 

if warner thought he was lying, he didn’t show it. “alright, as you can see, i’ll handle it from here. please escort juliette back to her room before you go.” 

adam nodded and lead juliette out the door, not before she could shoot a worried glance to you. 

now it was just you and warner. he didn’t say anything for a moment, then he asked what you and juliette were discussing. you were honest but kept it short and responded by saying you were talking about the testing the day before. he went silent again.”

“do you write?”

you were thrown off, huh? “not particularly no.” 

“hm. weird because i wandered across this in juliettes room.” 

he had brown worn out notebook with fade florals on it. you internally gasped when you noticed it was your old journal.

for context, when you were around 6, you were given a journal to practice writing but ended up keeping it for personal use. you used it over the years - up until you were taken away. juliette must’ve saved it for you because it had left your mind during those 3 years of isolation. you couldn’t barely even remember what you put in it. 

“uhm, thats not mine.” you mentally face palmed.

“no? it says your name on the cover of it.” 

curse your six year old self. 

he came closer, “it’s honestly cute when you try to lie, amor.” 

you prayed your cheeks didn’t have hints of pink.

“i’m gonna need that journal back.”

“hm, alright, but i’ll need a favor first.” 

“what favor?”

“read my mind.” 

you were taken aback, no one had been so desperate to have their mind read as much as warner. in fact you can’t name a single person whose ever asked you. you needed an excuse and quick. 

“no, i rather not.” you tried to keep your face neutral. 

“why? are you that repulsed to see inside my head, or is there another reason? my bet is on the latter.” oh no. 

you were saved from answering when a gun was pointed at warner, and at the one pointing it was your sister. “get away from her.” 

you were so proud of juliette in that moment, but then a gun was pressed to your chest. 

“i’ll shoot.” 

“you’d be an idiot then.” 

warner didn’t need to respond because adam came in and hit him hard with the butt of his own gun. however, this caused warner to misfire on the part of your thigh. 

you held back a scream; you didn’t want juliette or adam to see and worry - they were preoccupied with warner, handcuffing him to the wall. luckily, you were wearing black pants that day, so the blood wasn’t visible if you weren’t paying close attention. 

adam grabbed duffel bags and put them near the window, and then you realized you were going to have to jump, and now you werent sure if you could. 

“we need to leave now.”

“you can’t seriously believe you can trust kent, he’s using the both of you.” 

you scoffed. “as if you’re any better.”

“i only want you to reach your potential amor.” 

juliette cut in with her gun pointed, “shut up and call off your soldiers.” 

he let out a humorless laugh, “over my dead body.” 

after realizing he will provide no help, you all gathered near the window. 

“you’re making a mistake, both of you! don’t tell me you’ve fallen for kent’s romantic notions like your sister.” 

“no, but i trust him a whole lot letter than you.” 

“we have a connection and you know it.” 

“no-” “i can be patient, and you’ll learn to love me-”

“stop!” “no one understands you like me!”

adam shut him up by hitting him again, making warner stagger back.

he returned to the window, “we’ll have to climb then jump off. i’ll go first and catch each of you.” 

“you can’t touch her.”

no one answered warner. “wait, amor, can he touch her?” 

you ignored him despite his constant repeat of the question. 

adam went out the window, and then signaled for you and juliette to go down. 

you looked down at your leg; not too severe, but it was painful, and needed attention very soon. warner was also on the verge of breaking free of the handcuff, so it wouldn’t be long before he chased after you all. you decided in that moment you couldn’t hold them back if they wanted to escape. 

juliette was climbing down, gesturing for you to follow suit, but you stood still.

“juliette, i’m not going.”

“what? why? don’t tell me warner go to your head.”

“of course not, it’s just...juliette i’m injured.”

she climbed up a bit enough to see your leg, and she gasped. she started asking why you didn’t say anything, but you briskly interrupted that you’ll hold her and adam back, it was best if you didn’t go. no matter how much you wanted to leave this wretched place. 

she of course, protested, saying she won’t leave you behind. behind you, you could sense warner breaking free and coming toward you both.you worried you’d have to do plan b. 

“i love you, don’t hate me for this.” 

“for what-” “adam get ready to catch her!” 

warner was next to you in a second, reaching for juliette, but you quickly pushed the rest of the rope in the window out - leaving juliette to fall straight down into adam. 

you tackled warner to the ground to prevent him from reaching out to stop the rope. but you noticed the brush of their hands before her fall. he could touch her too. 

you didn’t have time to contemplate because the pain in your leg made itself known again, oozing more blood. you noticed some blood had seemed onto warner when you tackled him. crap you forgot too much blood loss = death was a thing for a moment. 

you rolled off our warner and ripped off a piece of your dress to try and wrapped it around the wound. 

warner recovered and noticed you were hurt, he looked worried and quickly removed his coat to use as a makeshift tourney kit. “what happened?” 

“your misfire.” 

he frowned, “never meant to actually shoot you amor.” 

soldiers were piled in the room in an instant, warner demanded adam and juliette be brought back, and alive. 

he carried you to the infirmary and sat next to you as the medics handled your injury. 

when the medics left the room, you could tell he was going to start questioning you. 

“you’ve been a very bad girl you know, helping your sister and kent escape.”

“is this the part where you torture me for information? i don’t know where they went.” 

“oh, i know. but maybe some spanking ought to straight you out.” 

you turned to him alarmed, “what? you’re not serious, right.”

he grabbed your chin, “hm, i don’t know, do you promise to be a good girl?” 

your face flamed red, “s-shut up!” 

he laughed at you, amused, “you’re too cute.” 

he eventually went off, assuming to check on how the hunt for juliette and adam was going. you prayed they made it our alright. 

your leg was feeling much better, you could now walk in it with a small limp. might’ve just been the painkiller, but regardless it was enough you were released to go off to your room that night. 

warner escorted you back, not trusting his soldiers, and preventing a second escape attempt. as you both walked the halls you heard whispers about kishimoto being under investigation, in other words being tortured in a cell right now. 

you immediately asked warner about it and he shrugged saying he was friends with adam and was your guard, so he wanted to ensure he had no information concerning the escape. you tried to defend him, saying he wasn’t involved, but warner didn’t yield and that he would be the judge of that.

he helped you into bed, making sure you were comfortable. then he stood by the door, getting ready to leave.

“don’t think your off the hook just yet, i’ll question you tomorrow, especially involving your sister and me being able to touch her.” 

oh shit, he noticed. of course he did, he’s a perceptive bastard.  

“and, it’s aaron.” 

you threw a confused look. “my name, it’s aaron.” and with that he walked out, locking your door securely. 

huh. aaron warner. interesting. 

when you awoke the next day you were again with aaron warner by your side. he waited for you to get dressed then took you with him wherever he went. 

you could sense something was wrong but didn’t want to ask. from a few whispers and thoughts, you were able to find out what happened- kenji kishimoto escaped. you were silently cheering, glad he was no longer being tortured. he was your favorite guard after all. you hoped somehow he was with adam and juliette and they were all safe. 

you were proven drastically wrong when hours later, you found out they had been spotted and taken by the soldiers back to the base. 

warner was very pleased with the news, he ordered adam to be sent to the dungeons while juliette was to be heavily restrained.

you asked warner to speak to them, but mainly juliette. he obviously declined - he didn’t need to you and them trying to escape again. you didn’t let up and continued asking and begging, saying he could be there to supervise, you just wanted to make sure they were okay. 

“please aaron.”

he seemed taken aback by the title and stayed stunned for a moment. he then dragged you away, and you assumed he’d be taking you to juliette. however, instead, you were led to a room, his room, you realized. 

his back was turned to you, “i was surprised when i found out juliette’s touch didn’t affect me, probably the same way you were when you discovered the same. i couldn’t conjure an explanation as to why, and still can’t. but then i started thinking about you and your ability.” he turned around to face you, slowly creeping closer. “i thought about all those times i asked you to read me, but you refuse or avoided it. at first, i thought you were doing to in protest, or even because you had no interest in doing so.” you gulped. “ then this new revelation came and it occurred to me, maybe juliette’s not the only one i’m immune to.” 

he stood directly in front of you, and you were so nervous you wanted to throw up. “you can’t read my mind or thought, can you amor?” 

you went wide-eyed, he knew. you didn’t say anything, still paralyzed. 

he caressed your cheek, “that scares you, not knowing what i’m thinking. must make you even a bit mad.” you couldn’t breathe. he was so close, you felt his breath, and the gun in his jacket pocket. 

“don’t let that stop you from loving me. my every thought is yours, if you want it, and i so desperately want you to want it.” 

he roughly leaned in and pressed your lips together, you couldn’t think for a moment too shocked, but then you remember the gun. 

you kissed back in an attempt to get closer to the jacket. you acted as if you were feeling on his chest, and slowly trying to get your hands on the weapon. 

he murmured, “we’ll be so good together,” before diving in for another deep kiss. you tried to keep up with his rushed lips to keep him distracted.

aaron was so absorbed into the kiss he didn’t notice the gun pressed against the side of his chest. 

you pulled back, his lips following after your before you lightly pushed him away. looking at him directly in the eyes, “i’m sorry it had to come to this.” pow. 

his face was full of confusion, horror, pain, and betrayal before he crumpled on the ground. 

you wasted no time in running off to find juliette before someone found warner. it didn’t take long after reading a few thoughts and taking some guesses of your own. 

you entered to see her on a hospital-like bed with restraints on her arms to legs to keep her immobilized. you were quick to free her and get her back on her feet. once she regained her full consciousness, you both went off to find adam.

you snuck up on a few soldiers and knocked them out with your gun, juliette mainly knocking them out with her strength, and found adam pretty easily. he was in chains hanging by his arms, with his head down. he looked to be heavily injured as well. 

you took care of breaking him free while juliette woke him up. he had trouble standing, so you both carried him by his arms and hurried toward the exit. you three quickly came up with a solution to get out; the guards hadn’t noticed warner or the fact the prisoners escaped yet. 

you all ran outside, helping juliette carry adam. he was heavy, but you carried on, not knowing when guards would start chasing you three.

you and him were left for a moment while juliette went off and before you knew it you were inside a car “woah, where’d you get this!”

juliette was in the driver seat preparing to leave and turned to you, “long story short, it’s stolen”

“cool. wait you know how to drive?” 

“no.”

with adam’s guidance, soon enough, you all were off to your not-sure-where. you were in the back seat while adam and her were in front. juliette had taken the liberty of catching you up on events during the escape, mainly about kenji and james. 

adam and juliette discussed where they could be and then found them. 

you greeted kenji and introduced yourself to james, he was a very sweet boy and seemed a bit excited by this whole situation. having known a bit about you, he asked you to tell him what number he was thinking, to which you couldn’t help but do it. he beamed excitedly. 

juliette was the one to bring up warner, “how’d you escape him, i’m sure you were under heavy surveillance after we left.’ 

“oh..i uhm... shot him.” after he kissed me. 

everyone turned to you, shocked at the revelation, juliette was proud of you for defending yourself, and the rest of them were just struck you even had the chance to do it.

kenji then switched with juliette, leading the drive to this supposed location of people who could help. 

you fell asleep, and when you awoke, there was a large facility like building in the middle of nowhere. 

you got out of the car, helping carry adam again, and rushed into the building. inside there were numerous of people, more than you ever expected. adam got taken away by, what you assumed were, medics. but juliette had many questions. you were too stunned looking around to form anything. at some point a man had introduced himself to us as castle; he seemed like the head of this place. 

you snapped back when you saw juliette hounding kenji, getting dangerously close to him, and then accidentally touching him. it wasn’t enough to kill, but he was still quite injured a bit to be taken away by medics like adam. juliette was then sedated and that’s when your concerns were raised. 

it was your turn to ask questions, but not wanting to end up like juliette, you remained calm. castle briefly explained you all were in a place called ‘omega point’ and its purpose was to build a group of gifted individuals to help them understand their gift. it went against the reestablishment was basically a rebellion against them. 

overwhelmed by information, you asked to be taken to where you would sleep. castle led you to a room and informed you you’d be rooming with two other girls, along with juliette. your sister was already there, still passed out from whatever they gave her. the two twin sisters, who you found out had healing abilities, introduced themselves as sara & sonya. they seemed nice, and you could tell you’ll easily be friends. 

you bid them goodnight after they reassured you adam, kenji, and juliette would all be fine. 

after that first day, the days passed by quickly. you were given a suit to wear, a red leather corset-like top, black leather pants, and a long dark red leather coat, accompanied with black fingerless gloves and black boots. it made you feel like a superhero in it. 

you practiced with castle to help learn to block out unwanted thoughts, which a major relief to learn. he was also helpful in managing your new telekinetic ability since he had the same. another ability you were slowly practicing was mental manipulation, you weren’t sure if you ever wanted to mind control someone, so it wasn’t focused on much, but still learned from time to time. 

you admit, you had a better time adjusting than juliette; she was keeping to herself, having lunch with only you, adam, and occasionally kenji. you couldn’t blame her; the asylum doesn’t exactly help in forming relationships. her relationship with adam was a huge step as it is, and you were proud of her for it. 

eventually, you were stable enough to go on outdoor missions. the first time you went was an unforgettable experience. you saw what society was like after all these years, it was horrible the conditions people were living in under the reestablishment. 

that day you also saw aaron for the first time in a few weeks. you were glad he was alive because it really hadn’t been your goal to kill him. he was wearing a cast on his left arm, near where you shot him. you wondered if he told anyone what happened or changed the story. 

he also saw him human for the first time. when no one was looking, he fed and injured dog, even carrying him for a bit. you found the sight cute. it almost felt like a dream. 

it almost got you caught by him; you swore you made .1 second eye contact before you were turned invisible and taken away by kenji. you didn’t know what could’ve happened if he recognized you. 

after that, you frequently joined them on the outside missions, aaron was there for almost all of them, which left you wondering why. you even encouraged juliette a few times, and she even ended up following along on the most recent one making friends with winston and brendan. 

after the task you got back to your room, juliette made a stop to adam, and it was empty. you took off the clothes given to you to blend in, removing your tattered jacket and replacing it with your red one. 

you were folding the coat to put away for next time when something fell out of the pocket, a paper. 

you didn’t remember putting anything in, so you figured it was there when it was given to you weeks ago. but then again, you should’ve noticed by now if it was. 

curious, you unfolded the piece of paper and looked at it contents. 

you gasped out loud, dropping the paper on your bed in the process. 

see you soon, amor. -your injured dearest, A.W. 

oh, you were fucked. 

#aaron warner #aaron warner anderson #aaron warner x reader #aaron warner x female reader #aaron warner imagine #aaron warner fanfic #shatter me #shatter me series #shatter me fanfic #unravel me #kenji kishimoto #adam kent #juliette ferrars #x reader #x female reader #reader insert #reader imagine #fanfic #writing #headcannons

[via-the-cryptid]

one of you, I don’t remember who but if it was you then here you go, mentioned Ellie befriending Ace. it took me a minute to realise that you probably meant the psychic little girl and not the pirate, but… now that I think about it, that’s actually a really good idea.

first off, I’m going to start by saying that I barely remember anything about Ace except hat she was super psychic, scared the Joker shitless once (good for her), and I think ended up dying as a result of her powers overloading her brain. I also remember Batman stayed with her until she died, but past that, nothing! so if my interpretation of her is off, well, that ain’t Via’s problem.

picture this: Ellie, approximately 14 in physical terms, only been alive for like a year or two. it’s post-Portal Incident II: The Reckoning, so her body is stabilized but her powers are going bat-crazy. she’s alone in an unfamiliar city with far too many restless spirits, being chased by actual supervillains, and she’s scared. maybe she ducks into an alley or hides in an abandoned building, and maybe one of those spirits was watching.

it’s been a long time since anything has caught Ace’s attention in the mortal realm. she likes to check in from time to time, see what’s happening as the world moves on without her, but it’s useless to linger over what she can’t affect. in the end, it only ever makes her miserable.

but sometimes, she can’t help but watch. sometimes, like today, she sees another little girl in trouble. she thinks, ‘she’s like me’, and she needs to know that this girl makes it through the night. even if she doesn’t, Ace still has enough power in death to show her a good dream before another ghost is added to Gotham’s countless number of lost souls. she follows the girl into the building, watches as she curls up in the corner, out of sight and barely there.

and then she looks straight at Ace.

“Did you want something?” Ellie asks, and she doesn’t break eye contact with the spirit floating in the doorway, even as her eyes go wide. “If you have unfinished business, I might be able to help, y’know, so long as you’re not trying to cause trouble.”

“You can see me.”

“Sure can. Kinda hard not to, your outfit’s pretty distinct.”

It’s the outfit she died in. Ace doesn’t really want to wear it anymore, not when she’s so far removed from that era of her life, but it isn’t like she knows how to.

“So,” Ellie says, “what’s your deal? Are you just here to watch it are you picking a fight? ‘Cause I’ll warn you, I don’t know how to play poker and everyone else so far has refused to reach me.”

Ace blinks. “I’m not here to fight with you.”

“Okay, cool. Are you… here to fight someone else?”

“No. I was watching you.”

“Well, that’s a bit unsettling.”

“You were alone, and you looked cold. I had to make sure you weren’t going to die in here.”

“Again?” Mutters Ellie, and Ace’s expression snaps from intrigued to guarded in less than a second.

“What does that mean?” She asks, glaring right at Ellie, and the other girl grimaces.

“Did not mean to say that one out loud. Okay, so hi, I’m Ellie, and basically I’m dead—”

“What? No, you’re not. I would be able to tell if you were dead.”

“Half-dead, then. I was a clone OFA guy who was half human and half ghost, ‘cept I was falling apart, so I decided to fix it by doing the same thing he did to become half-ghost, and I ended up standing inside a portal to the Ghost Zone while it was opening. Make sense so far?”

Ace’s jaw is dropping, but she can’t seem to find it in herself to care. “Half-dead.”

“Oh, we’re still stuck on that, then. Basically, if you— actually never mind, I don’t really know how it works. I can turn from ghost to human, if that helps.”

“How?” Ace whispers. “You said you were… falling apart. And a clone. And half-dead.”

“Well, now I’ve got two out of those three, since I fixed the first problem. Do you want to maybe sit down or something? This is gonna be a long story if you want the whole thing.”

Yes, she absolutely does. Ace float across the room and settles in next to Ellie, folding her knees up to copy the other girl’s pose. “My name is Ace.”

“Nice to meet you, Ace. I’m Ellie. Wait, I think I said that already.”

Somewhere on the other side of Crime Alley, unknowing of the two girls hidden away in a long-forgotten corner, Edward Nygma slams his head down on the desk as he once again fails to pinpoint the location of the mysterious white-haired girl.

#dani phantom #danielle phantom #danny phantom #dc comics #ellie phantom #ace batman #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #edward nygma #the riddler #Gotham Ghost AU

[angelltheninth]

im super horny.. for dottore.. *sigh* WHEN WILL THIS MAN BECOME PLAYABLE?!?! im so fucking needy for him rn istg.. no but imagine your his assistant, nice n innocent but you have a crush on your boss, dottore. Dottore teases u when u work and u get all flustered n stuff and you’re still debating if he actually likes u or not. That’s until he has you leaned against his medical table and fucks you harsh n rough. And I mean ROUGHH because that’s what dottore likes.. i think? and imagine a huge stomach buldge ❤️❤️❤️ sorry im super horny 😭😭 -🪐anon

Never be sorry to be horny on my blog 🪐 Anon! Hope you like this little blurb.

Pairing: Dottore x Fem!Reader

Tags: nsfw, smut, power dynamic kink, rough sex, dirty talk, table sex, degradation, lab sex, dom/sub dynamics, boss!Dottore, dom!Dottore, sub!Reader

Word count: 0.5k

A/N: This man! He is the embodiment of "if evil why hot?"

You weren't entirely sure what his intentions towards you were. Was he only teasing? Was he serious when he would look at you with those hooded eyes. Did he merely want to fluster and embarrass you?

All the answers came crashing down upon you when his lips hungerly found yours one night in the lab. He asked for your help with a problem he'd been having. As his number one assistant you were ready to help, whatever it took. Turns out that it wasn't experiments or theory that Dottore needed help with, it was more a problem of the physical nature.

"You don't need that skirt, it's pretty but it's hiding you from me. I wanna see your cunt when it takes my cock." He laughed in the dim light, his eyes appearing like they were shining with clear intent, "Do you know how hard you make things for me around here where you show up looking like that?" His cock nudged your pretty, wet folds apart, "How am I supposed to focus when I can think about was how much I want to lay claim to your cunt?"

"I-I'm sorry." You rocked your hips into him, your skirt bunched up around your hips, panties forgotten somewhere on the lab floor, your lab coat halfway down your arms as you gripped the table with all your might.

He pulled back just enough for you to get one last look at his cock, how hard it was because of you, how damn wet it was just from him rubbing the length between your legs, "Sorry? And you think that's good enough? You think the word of a whore means anything to me?" He shook his head with a sickening, sadistic grin, "You need to make it up to me. And since you've proven yourself to be worse then useless as an assistant over these past few months I need to find a better use for you."

The brutal force of his cock being rammed inside of you was enough to make you cry out. He tilted his head to the side, curiously. He did it again, his pace just as rough. You cried out again, your eyes turning glossy. Each thrust made the pain fade a little, not entirely but enough to be overtaken by pleasure.

Dottore's threw his head back and laughed, loudly, almost manically. Then he leaned forward, pushing your knees to your chest, opening you up more while he growled and set a fast, rough pace that barely gave your pussy time to tighten and clench around him before his cock was snug back inside. He wasn't slowing down, wasn't paying any attention to the things you were saying.

You didn't even know what you were saying. Your mind was a complete mess. All you could think of clearly was Dottore fucking his cock into you and how good he made you feel. That was enough for you.

"That's more like it. You're much better suited for this. Yes. Congratulations, from now on you won't just be my personal assistant but my personal fuckdoll. My pretty little thing, serving my cock all day with all of her holes." He smiled when he heard you try to moan his name. It sounded wonderful, broken, just like you, his greatest achievement.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin smut #dottore #dottore x reader #dottore smut #dottore imagines #genshin imagines #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact smut #genshin impact fanfics

[smileysuh]

Fix You TEASER

🌙 staring. Mingyu x afab!Reader

🔮 synopsis. “As a member of 53V3NT33N, I have two different states of mind coded into me, aggression and admiration. To love something, to admire it, is to feel aggressive when it’s questioned, to want to control it, if even for a little while- it’s the need to consume it, endlessly, as my fans consume and control me as an automaton. Even though I’m a member of a group, there’s a distance. Automatons can never truly motivate each other because our motivations are based on external human needs, it’s built into us- We can see when humans need us, and we do what we can to fix that need… I know you need me, the way I’ve needed you since I got here.”

tw/cw. unprotected sex with an AI robot, virgin!Mingyu, big dick!Mingyu, Mingyu's body is perfect, hand job, blow job, deep throating, pussy eating, fingering, flavored cum, praise, breast worship, switchy/submissive!Mingyu, multiple orgasms, slight overstim, AI slavery/working philosophical issues, risk of AI termination/job loss, technically this relationship isn't very worksafe, etc...

👹 rating.18+ explicit I wc. 15.5k I collab. will be linked on tumblr posting day

🍭 aus. automaton/ai au, ai!Mingyu, robotics behavioral researcher!y/n, wellness center, future au, Promethean theory, etc…

☀️ mlist + an. i was so excited when @idyllic-ghost announced this collab in @svthub. Had a great time creating this world and working with everyone through the Discord server :) The masterlist is coming out July 15, but find the list of creators involved here and join the taglist :) also shoutout to @idyllic-ghost for being my beta reader, it really helped

It’s always kind of sad when you run a new level one automaton through their personalized wellness schedule. You’ve worked with all manner of high-class robots, from athletes to opera singers, but none of them have ever come into your program with the type of preexisting regimented day plan Mingyu has. 

You suppose it shouldn't be a shock that, as part of one of the biggest automaton boy groups in the galaxy, he’d had close to zero down time. When you show him the library and explain he should sit down in a spot of sun somewhere and read for an hour every day, at a slow pace, he looks at you like you’re crazy. 

“I don’t understand how this is supposed to help me,” he tells you, as you walk through the facility towards one of your favourite wellness locations; the pool.

“This might be an archaic example,” you explain, “but back when humanity first started making computers, laptops and such, many people would keep their computers on indefinitely. Sure they’d close the screen, but that’s not enough. You’d need to actually power down the device to keep its performance up.”

“I’m not a laptop,” Mingyu reminds you, with a flash of something like humour in his eye.

“You’re not,” you conceded, “which is why your nightly power downs aren’t enough. As an automaton, you were built to emulate being a human, but many people disregard one of the most fundamental aspects of humanity; the need for rest. Sleep and powering down isn’t enough if every waking moment is spent working or learning or practicing your trade- you have to allow for a variety of restful activities, such as reading, painting, gardening- it depends on who you are and your skillset though. For a chef, he might not gain rest from cooking because his neurons would still be firing with the intensity of someone doing their trade. Which is why, although I’ve given you physical activities such as swimming and tennis, you won’t be doing any dancing while you’re here.”

“What if I forget my moves?” 

“Something tells me the likelihood of that is very low,” you smile. 

“Okay, maybe I won’t forget my moves,” Mingyu sighs, “but I was made to dance. I was made to perform. What am I if not a level one dancer and singer?”

“There’s more to life than one’s job, however all-encompassing being a level one might be,” you explain. “I’m sure it’s very taxing on you.”

Mingyu pauses in the middle of the corridor you’re walking down, and you stop to assess him. 

“Are you alright?” you ask.

“Yeah,” he gives his head a little shake, and you’re shocked again at how human like the automaton is. “It’s just… no one has ever talked about this sort of thing with me. It’s always been work, work, work. It’s what I’m designed to do-”

“You may have been designed to be a dancer and a singer,” you nod empathetically, “but part of being alive is choosing your own destiny, as you and your bandmates all did when you escaped your facility.”

“Do you really think that?” he questions, standing very still and looking at you with a dark gaze. “That I’m alive?”

“At this point in time, artificial intelligence has progressed to the level where we’re told you’re sentient, that you can feel and think. That you’re as life-like as you’ve ever been in the history of the galaxy. You might have been created in a lab, hand-crafted and designed by some would-be God engineer, but to me, yes, Mingyu, you’re alive.”

☀️ to read the full fic AND 3.1k bonus NOW, subscribe to my Patreon, then click here

👹 or wait till the fic is posted on tumblr this Saturday, July 15th

🔮 see what’s already available to read on my m.list

interact with a reblog/reply to guarantee a tag when i post the fic, tumblr has tag limits and my taglists already have most of the spots, so a reply/reblog is the only way for me to tag you

#kim mingyu #mingyu #svthub #svthub.collab #mingyu smut #kim mingyu smut #svt #svt smut #seventeen #seventeen smut #kim mingyu x reader #ai mingyu #ai kim mingyu #ai au

[lovefrombegonia]

My complicated feels towards beefleaf and he xuan, in particular

You know...beefleaf is that one ship...that ONE SHIP. The one which if you think about them more than 10 seconds, all your feelings become too intense to handle. I can't think of these characters objectively. I can't think of them rationally. I love this ship. I hate this ship. I feel everything about them. My mind is already melting while writing this.

The first time I read TGCF, the Black Water arc terrified me to the bones. The description with which Ming Yi's true identity was revealed, it was no less than a horror story for me. I had goosebumps. I felt the silence around me turn oppressive. When the arc concluded with SWD dead, and no further explanation of what HX did to SQX, it devastated me to no end. The thing is...I fucking love SQX. I love him so so so much, I can't explain it. I cared about this character as much as I cared about xie lian himself, and dare I say, EVEN MORE. When everything about SQX backstory was revealed, my love for this character was already great enough that even if it would have been unfair to not have him lose his godhood and powers, I'd have been ok with it. Or atleast...I'd have wanted him to survive. Instead, everything pointed towards their doom. I couldn't think of an ending that would not end in tragedy for SQX. The narrative and the nature of justice demanded that he be punished. But I still wanted them to be safe. In the end of that arc...there was no certain answers to SQX's whereabouts. And I...I started resenting HX. Just straight up started hating them. I wanted him to suffer so much even though, objectively, he isn't an evil character. In fact, he is the wronged protagonist of that arc. The "hero" of a revenge saga. I really, really should not hate him. Even if he was bad, I have never had issues liking or even loving evil characters. For example, shen jiu from SVSSS is one of my blorbos. I fucking LOVE that character, and he is an objectively bad person who abused children. So, why tf did I hate HX so much?? At that time, even I didn't understand. And tbh I didn't even want to understand. I was happy hating him. He is one of the most interesting tgcf characters, and I didn't want to understand his characterization. I just wanted to hate him. And then...I find out that, SQX is alive. HX spared him. HX left him in the city. SQX was alive. My baby was alive, and as well as one could be in his situation. Yes, he is physically crippled and psychologically scarred for life. But the light within him is still alive. He is no longer the wind master but his brightness is still just as infectious. She spreads smiles when she was a god. He still spreads smiles even when he is the beggar ol'feng. Reading his story somehow...healed me. No matter what state he is in, he is still SQX!! Still the same animated, bright person who spreads their warmth and happiness wherever they go. Unfortunately, I still disliked HX. It seemed like I couldn't "forgive" HX for what he did to SQX, even though, he didn't actually directly hurt him. At least not physically. HX kinda saved him when he was getting strangled by SWD. All the emotional and psychological torture SQX went through was kinda indirect, it happened because he was SWD's brother. And yes, SQX was not directly guilty of what happened with HX but he was still the one for whom SWD did all the heinous things to HX. Even in the text, clearly, despite everything, HX as Ming Yi, did give SQX opportunities to choose the right side but every time, he still chose to side with SWD. And....oh gods...there is so much happening. So much pain and unfairness and tragedy and rage. There was never going to be a happy ending. I could not see a happy ending. Yet, there he is, SQX The Beggar, still making friends, spreading his radiance even when covered in rags and dirt. And I still...hated HX. I still don't like him. If you ask me who I hate in TGCF, my mind would first and foremost conjure up the name HX even though I know that I really shouldn't hate him. But I still do...why?? Because. It's not that I actually hate HX. It's just that I love SQX as a character too much. And even though I know HX still cares for SQX, it's still not enough. Not enough.

TBH I think SQX has already forgiven HX (idk if forgive is the right word coz...SWD did deserve whatever happened to him). SQX has moved on and is living to the fullest in his mortal life. He would probably die a content man too. Surrounded by people (like his beggar friends, and xie lian) who love him and care for him. What about HX? I... don't really know what to think of him in this case. Sometimes I think he will silently mourn for SQX forever, existing passively without cause. Sometimes I feel like history will repeat and he will go mad like he did the first time, except, this time...the one who caused harm to his most beloved is himself. There is no third party to blame here. HX can only self-destruct in that case. I don't know which ending is worse. What I am trying to say is...I really, really shouldn't hate HX because in the end...HX is the one who will end in tragedy. Be it a passive tragedy or an active one.

HX deserves more sympathy than most other characters in the novel. I think about this character deeply. I think about his relationship with SQX. He still melts my mind. He has suffered so much. He will suffer forever until he ceases to exist. And I still resent him for what he did to SQX. It's what I find fascinating and devastating about beefleaf. My love for SQX, my understanding for HX's actions, and my unshakeable dislike towards HX, I feel like thinking about beefleaf has made me understand myself better in a way. Sounds corny af but that's how I feel.

Here I am...swirling in so many feels for these two fictional characters. I want SQX to be happy. I want SQX and HX to end up together. No, SQX deserves so much better. HX is suffering, and he will suffer until the end imo. Good. No, he deserves happiness too. But he hurt SQX so badly. But not intentionally and SQX is still alive and happy and HX spared SQX despite being the cause of his suffering. No, there is too much between them to work it all out. But...they love each other. Despite of all that...

The wind master no more, still lives freely among lowly ones. The black water calamity demon can only watch the one person he cares about from a distance. So much left unsaid and unheard and yet what can one really say more and what is left to be heard?

#beefleaf #shi qingxuan #he xuan #ming yi #tgcf spoilers #spoilers #tgcf #saya rambles. #personal opinion

[wannaeatramyeon]

Hello 👋

Could you please do 'dating him includes' for Taehoon and Seongjoon?

Thank you so much 🥰

Black Anon ����🖤

Hey Black anon! Thanks for the ask and so sorry this has taken so long. I feel like all I'm doing is apologising because everything is taking me friggin AGES. There's also a few boyfriend HC for Taehoon in my masterlist, but I've expanded this to all my HTF faves! Yes I'm a ho

HTF Boys - Boyfriend/Dating hc

Seong Taehoon, Baek Seongjun, Ji Yeonwoo, Han Wangguk, Kim Munseong (WHERE IS HE I MISS HIM)

Seong Taehoon

Man. The girlfriend privileges are severely lacking with this one. He's a little sweeter on you, a little gentler. But he sees no issues being a menace to you.

Absolutely loves getting you all wound up, murmuring obscene comments during the most inopportune times, or a little light spanking when no-one is looking. Sure Taehoon intends to make good on his words and actions later, but there is nothing like seeing your face redden or hearing a squeak escaping your lips right now.

It's even worth the filthy looks you throw his way, or any subsequent silent treatment. He knows you can never stay mad at him anyway.

Taehoon's physical affection is more on the end of physical rather than affection. There's nothing like a little bite or a headlock or just pinning your arms by your side as he holds you to show how much he cares.

Surprisingly amicable to being dragged all over the place with you. Yes he would prefer the arcade or practicing Taekwondo, but even if he is completely reluctant - seeing your face light up is its own special reward. And of course that would be too cringe for him to ever admit outloud.

Baek Seongjun

Prefers flings and short encounters rather than a relationship. He comes with a lot of trauma and history that he is unwilling to share. Show him kindness though without any ulterior motive, then you're guaranteed to stay on his mind.

Has a lot of experience sexually, but not with relationships. Cherishes experiencing a lot of first milestones with you (regardless of your own experience). Celebrates them all: anniversaries, 100 days, Valentine's etc.

Difficult to publicly date due to his NewTuber fame. He's well recognised by a surprising amount of people, so any dates tend to be on the chilled and private side.

And of course cooking for you is one of his favourite things to do. More so if you join him in the kitchen, and you cook together. You both flowing together as one, moving in harmony. It makes Seongjun think of how well you can fit in other ways too (no, not just sexually - that's already well established that you do). But with the rest of your lives too.

Values cold hard cash as power, and therefore has gift-giving as one of his main love languages. You will be showered with tasteful, lavish gifts. A tender kiss and appreciative thanks from you is all he needs, and is enough to balance out the scales.

Ji Yeonwoo

Only admired you from afar before he finally broke the chains from his dad and had much more freedom.

Again, not one with any experience though Yeonwoo is honest and forthright. Doesn't shy away from asking you out, and is full of sincerity. However, doesn't give much thought to what happens next - he wanted to tell you how he felt more than anything. You saying yes? Unfortunately that broke his brain.

Dating Yeonwoo means you improving your physical fitness somewhat. Completely on accident, but he spends so much time honing his kyokushin karate skills that you thought you would try and join. More often than not, it's just you watching in awe or him piggybacking you on his runs uphill.

Honestly, being with him helps a lot for your own self improvement. Your grades also improves by a ton as a byproduct. Yeonwoo actually makes studying fun and has limitless patience even as you make him explain something for the fifth time.

Unbelievably sweet and gentle through and through. Not that you would, but one complaint from you about anything and he will happily put that right. More attention? More kisses? Less time training? Done, done, and done.

Han Wangguk

A natural caretaker, always anticipating your needs before you even knew yourself. Here's a snack for you, here's that book you wanted, here's a coffee because you said you were tired today.

Goes without saying that he prefers small and thoughtful gestures to big, grand ones. Show him how much you care by remembering the little details: asking about the things he mentioned offhandedly or buying that tiny thing he wanted, and he will be forever wrapped around your thumb.

Extremely selfless and not one to put himself first. Repay his thoughtfulness and kindness by helping him to prioritise his own needs and you will always hold a piece of his heart.

Never too far from his camera, either his actual equipment or phone, and all the better to capture pictures of you. You posing is nice, but there's nothing quite like snapping a moment when you don't expect it. When you're completely candid and natural, before any consciousness of knowing a lens is there.

Of course with Wangguk comes Gyeoul. She's an absolute terror and will bound to clash at first with any partner. She's not used to sharing. But the little smiles Wangguk now always wears? The way he has even started whistling? Fine, Gyeoul can tolerate you she supposes. Honestly though? Another older sibling to dote on and spoil her? She'll love you in the end too.

Kim Munseong

Silent and stoic. He's a man of very few words, and to be honest, you didn't even realise he liked you until you found him always hanging around you and you confronted him yourself.

Shy and inexperienced, with very little game. If anything, it only makes Munseong even more charming and endearing. You'll be the one making a lot of the first moves until he is comfortable enough to take your lead.

Juggles a lot of the time between MMA and training, and you. It's to be expected, he's got a lot of eyes on his fighting career. Please keep supporting him, he feels a lot of guilt that he's not able to be at your constant beck and call, which is frankly a little ridicuous anyway.

Nothing perks him up more than seeing you watch him during a spar or an actual match. Finding your face in the crowd, even if completely unexpected, flicks on a little power-up for him. He wants to make you proud, and it pretty much guarantees a win.

Munseong has always been praised for his strength. Showering him with praise and compliments for literally any other aspect will guarantee him blushing furiously.

#im late BUT CAN BE TALK ABOUT TAEHOON IN THE BLAZER #And I am forever soft for Wangguk and Munseong #viral hit manhwa #viral hit x reader #viral hit webtoon #viral hit headcanons #how to fight manhwa #how to fight webtoon #how to fight headcanons #seong taehoon x reader #seong taehoon #seong taehun #taehoon x reader #seong taehun x reader #seongjun baek x reader #baek seongjun x reader #baek seongjun #ji yeonwoo x reader #ji yeonwoo #kim munseong x reader #kim munseong #han wangguk #han wangguk x reader #wannaeatramyeon