#just realized the old post got eaten by tumblr

[guaaa-camole]

Lord Meowpheus✨ edit: p2&3 are up😌

p1 || p2 || bonus p3

#the sandman #dream of the endless #morpheus #death of the endless #lucienne #gilbert #hob gadling #cat memes #meowpheus #just realized the old post got eaten by tumblr #so yeah feel like posting it again sorry #disclaimer: that is not a fat joke it refers to gilbert's other name which contains spoilers #1k #2k #3k

[burningdeancookiefestival]

BDCF Tells All!!!!!! (Fic Recs)

Hello Tumblr...

I have never made a real post on here despite having secretly and silently scrolling for years now!!!!

Due to being a woman of the internet, starting on wattpad in 2015, I am a woman of many many fics. And now I find myself thinking... why not share my fatiguing, back-breaking years of research into a lovely little post so that those with like minded interests can strike gold early!! Manyyy fandoms have I been apart of in my time, I hope some resonate with you!!

Of course all credit to these lovely talented writers who are truly doing god's work

Also warnings, they basically all are smut... sorry not freaking sorry

Without further adieu-

___________________________________________________

BTS

Kim Taehyung

Crazy for you | kty

Bro my first ever BTS fic... she changed me...

☆summary:  you’ve known Kim Taehyung your whole life. When you meet again at a party hosted by your best friend, alcohol looses your lips and you spill your secrets to your childhood crush. Will Taehyung give in to your desire, or will you be struck by remorse?

Jeon Jungkook

The Boy With Galaxies in His Eyes | jjk

☆summary: you had never thought the night sky could be found in someone’s eyes. That is, until you met Jeon Jungkook and his gravity pulled you in. Will he crush you with the galaxies in his eyes, or will you learn to explore his worlds and make them yours?

Cool With You | jeon jungkook

summary: your break up from kim taehyung sent you spiraling into what felt like a midlife crisis of tear stained cheeks and tubs of half eaten ice cream with a broken heart. after finding out that your neighbor, jeon jungkook, was eavesdropping on your meltdowns and came to find out that your ex was his old friend, he found himself wanting to comfort you.

Number 7; m | jjk

My best friends brother is the one for me 😝

summary: pov: your jealous fuck buddy pounds you in his jersey. Hockey player jk.

Kim Namjoon

All aboard! (the passion express) | knj

This one quite literally got me kicking my feet and giggling.

Summary: There were not many things that got your blood boiling in the same way that two simple words could. Kim Namjoon. The name of your irritating and (unfortunately enough, as the universe would have it) incredibly handsome co-worker. Which is exactly why you never expected to find your self on your knees for him on the train home.

Christmas Vacation

Every year your family spends Christmas with the Kim family. Your parents have been friends since long before you were born...

all night | knj ft. myg

literally again, kicking feet & giggling

summary. in which listening to music during a smoke sesh with your best friends namjoon and yoongi in the studio turns into much more

Min Yoongi

Now We Reign | myg

Everything this account posts is absolute gold istg

☆summary: when working on a collab together makes you and Min Yoongi seek comfort with the other, you discover there’s more to life than loneliness. Only, hurdles mark your path in Min Yoongi’s life, and it’s unclear what the outcome will be. Will you be destroyed by him and his world, or will you learn to reign over it, together with him?

Wildest Moments

This is a series but gah daym.. pls trust me its worth it!!!

“Min Yoongi is forbidden territory. And although you both know better, the two of you just can’t seem to stay apart.” Mentions of cheating.

Carnal Desire

Feeling: freaky

The last person you expected to see was an ‘old friend’ from nearly a decade ago, but you’re determined to show the man that you’re no longer the little girl he use to know.

Park Jimin

I want to be with you | pjm

This had me GAGGED, seriously I trust this writer with my life

☆summary : moving to Seoul has always seemed like a good idea, until the bubble bursts when you realize your new neighbor is Park Jimin, and he's not the sweet angel you've always imagined him to be. Will the reality of Park Jimin forever be a nightmare, or will he turn into a sweet dream?

___________________________________________________

Formula One

Sebastian Vettel

till the sun comes up | SV5

synopsis: fresh off of winning his first drivers championship whats a better way of celebrating [2.2k]

christening s.v.

This author... another one who actually can't ever go wrong

Don't Play Games With Me || Sebastian Vettel

Red bull Seb hehe 😚

005 - SV5

when I tell you I'm a changed woman...

summary: sebastian vettel insists you dress as a bond girl to attend his birthday party.

Carlos Sainz jr.

the love we left - Carlos Sainz jr.

summary: you weren’t aware that your family’s worry had extended so far that they’d brought in the heavy artillery, it being carlos sainz of all people. the very same person who’d turned you into someone you didn’t recognise in the mirror anymore.

last friday night // carlos sainz jr

summary: after her best friend's bachelorette party, she wakes up in bed with a stranger and no memory of what she did the night before. carlos can't remember either, but he knows he wants to spend as much time with y/n as he can, so he offers to help her figure out what happened.

SUMMER NIGHTS || C.S. ||

part one and two!!!

Best Man - Carlos Sainz x reader

Summary: You always thought being a bridesmaid for your best friend would be a dream come true but meeting her husband-to-be best friend proved that it would be harder to enjoy than you planned. You also didn’t plan for it to end with your dress around your hips as he fucked you in the bathroom whilst everyone tucked into the wedding cake, so much for hating one another. 

Mirror Mirror -- C.S.

in which your last resort attempts to gain carlos’ attention after a busy week in miami has him reminding you who you belong to.

Charles Leclerc

Old Habits -- C.L.

toooo good

in which you and charles fall back into old habits, but is it for better or worse?

Sex and Regret -- C.L.

The best Charles ficcy out there!!!! (in my humble opinion)

in which you and charles find yourselves in a never ending cycle of sex and regret since the end of your relationship, until you think you’ve moved on.

more than anyone ✴︎ cl16

You moved out of Monaco at fourteen with an unrepaired friendship hanging by a thread. Ten years and a whole lifetime later, you’re forced to work with him confront it all over again.

Repeat Offender

Summary : Charles is recently single and quickly finds himself in a "friends with benefits" situation with none other than his ex-girlfriend's best friend.

"You do not want me to show you what jealousy looks like"

Charles x best friend reader

Blurred lines ✴︎ cl16

Things with Charles finally come to a head. In a cramped room. In the Red Bull garage. Of all places, really.

Work 4 it. {two}

synopsis; you and charles work together in the office, by mutually hating each other you find out that there are bigger things than dislike.

--- What the heck

summary: the swearing game has come to an end, with a drinking game deciding the winner. the following weekend, a new drinking game is introduced, turning things steamy in no time. (Part 2 of all drivers hang out)

quiet - charles leclerc

summary: in which, you and charles spend some alone time together while away with the boys.

Max Verstappen

and they were roomates!!!

THE best Max fic out there and trust me ive looked!!

Our dirty little secret

summary: Five years ago you used to love Max but you had to say goodbye, will you be able to save what you could have been?

Daniel Ricciardo

Forbidden Fruit Never Tasted So Sweet

Summary: After not seeing you for nearly a month, a well timed visit back home has Daniel salivating to taste what was still all too forbidden to him.

Pity -- D.R.

in which you and daniel are reunited and forced to work together once again, leaving you with the aim to not end up in his bed like you did last time.

Makeup -- D.R.

in which picking up your stuff to say goodbye doesn’t go quite to plan

___________________________________________________

MattTrey/ Baseketball

Matt Stone

late-night

summary: dropping by matt’s office while he works late results in some late-night fun :P

CIRCUMSTANCES matt x f! assistant reader

This is actually the best Matt Stone content you will ever find. The best. (Another series also)

summary: your friends leave you at a bar and you only have one number memorized

Dude...Dude... (feat. Trey)

based on the movie BASEketball where you play one of the cheerleaders and are having a bit of naughty fun with Trey and Matt off camera.

Doug Remer

why didn't i kiss you sooner? | Doug Remer

Smoking and drinking with Doug leads to more..

NEW EXPERIENCE

summary: remer convinces you to watch a specific type of movie with him

hazy

It's another smoking with Remer fic!!!

___________________________________________________

Succession

Kendall Roy

fithly fucking rich--part one

Synopsis: You are out at an elite club in NYC and meet a handsome stranger. Smitten by each other, your flirting escalates and important details are left unsaid.

fithly fucking rich--part two

Summary: After meeting Kendall at an elite, NYC club, he takes you home for some fun, neither of you realizing how intertwined you are with his already tarnished family dynamic.

Roman Roy

like a leopards tongue in the mouth of a snake

power dynamics, he's ur boss blah blah blah

___________________________________________________

Matty Healy (yes i went back there)

Drunk | Part 1 |

Another whole series which ate!

When you come back home to Manchester from University, you get invited to a house party filled with your old friends from high school. You hadn’t seen most of them for 4 years and the house brings back some old memories of the parties you once attended. Getting drunk with old friends ends up being better than you imagined.

Deal With It - Matty Healy

Plot: I had this idea where the reader is Matty’s plug and it seemed kinda cool so I’m running with it. Has a little bit of George Daniel. Also based on she way out but set around 2015/16 time.

___________________________________________________

Timothée Chalamet

Paul Atreides

Little Cakes

Summary: You panic as your wedding date draws near and a trip to a famous sex planet doesn't help with these growing emotions. Thankfully, Paul is there to distract you.

___________________________________________________

Pedro Pascal

Javi Gutierrez

hidden pleasures

Summary: You and Javi are hosting a dinner party and he wants to make things a little more interesting to get you both through the night

Javier Peña

You're my Best Friend Chapter 2

Summary:Javier and you had been best friends since Kindergarten, and you’d been secretly in love with him for years. The night before his wedding to Lorraine, you sleep together, sparking him to leave Lorraine, and you. Ten years later Javier returns home before leaving again for Cali and tries to fix the mess he left. But, passions run high and alcohol flows and you can’t resist falling back in to bed with him, the only thing you didn’t plan was ending up married to him.

Maxwell Lord

Working Late

Summary: Maxwell Lord has been working long, late hours this week. He’s lucky to have a partner that understands. He comes home late one night and can’t help himself from showing you his appreciation.

___________________________________________________

Paul Dano

Klitz

Punctual

reader walks in on klitz jacking off? he’s really embarrassed and tries to hide it but the reader helps him out?

___________________________________________________

Euphoria

Elliot

LESSONS (series)

summary — the reader is new to all things sexual, so her best friend elliot decides to help her out with that.

___________________________________________________

Star Wars

Cassian Andor

The Sun on Both Sides

I've gone back here... many times. Very, very good.

Summary: Cassian Andor is your very close companion.  He says best friend, you say pain in your ass—neither one of you are entirely wrong.  But then one night you smoke some unfamiliar spice with him, and everything you once thought you knew goes sideways.

Poe Dameron

Mercy, Sabotage and Dead Space The Bet Series

This one had me tweaking

Din Djarin

The Rough Day Series

Okay.. this fic is literally what made me download tumblr so pls, im so fr, this is the best thing I've ever come across!!! Warning it is veryy long and sadly unfinished :(

they all hate you mando, because you're a legend

___________________________________________________

5 Seconds of Summer

Calum Hood

2011 (C.H.)

summary: just a classic quickie before the ‘2011′ cover shoot 😇

___________________________________________________

Daredevil

Matt Murdock

thank you; m.m.

summary; you convince matt that you deserve a reward after you succeed during a mission.

You're My Religion (part I)

Priest Matt... Confessional Booth..

#fic rec #fanfiction #bts #bangtan #bts jungkook #bts jimin #bts taehyung #bts yoongi #bts suga #jeon jungkook #park jimin #kim namjoon #kim taehyung #min yoongi #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #charles leclerc #carlos sainz #sebastian vettel #daniel ricciardo #max verstappen #ferrari #matt stone #doug remer #baseketball #matt stone and trey parker #succession #kendall roy #roman roy

[thelordofshrimp]

I posted 677 times in 2022

That's 354 more posts than 2021!

185 posts created (27%)

492 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@glassamphibians

@buoyantsaturn

@rainnows

@marbleheavy

@trollisgirl

I tagged 500 of my posts in 2022

Only 26% of my posts had no tags

#shrimp monologuing - 74 posts

#asks - 40 posts

#will solace - 27 posts

#pjo - 22 posts

#nico di angelo - 19 posts

#fic - 18 posts

#solangelo - 18 posts

#my fic - 15 posts

#al tag :) <3 - 13 posts

#marble my dear - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#my cell and home phone and my mom's cell and work phone and my best friend's home phone and my dad's old phone and my bf's and also cartalk

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

ghost files good

159 notes - Posted September 25, 2022

#4

Height survey results!

Sample: Internet users (n=120) contacted via Google Forms, no identifying or demographic information collected, but all assumed to be fans of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians book series. 118 entries used for data analysis, 2 entries discarded for not knowing how to behave

Results:

[height on vertical axis is in cm because google sheets hates the imperial system, and for good reason, too]

Discussion: There is a large range present for most characters, especially towards the lower end, but Coach Hedge is fairly universally regarded as the shortest, with Jason and Frank being the tallest.

183 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

#3

Annabeth voicing her agreement to one of Will's "i am in love with one (1) scruffy dark haired alt Big Three boy" speeches

Will furiously insisting that it is Not The Same while internally realizing it is Actually Kind Of The Same and questioning several of his feelings towards Percy

318 notes - Posted June 5, 2022

#2

Lies Nico di Angelo believes about the modern world thanks to his boyfriend, in no particular order(thank you to @yonemurishiroku for inspiration):

you have to walk backwards through corn mazes so the ghosts can't sneak up on you from behind (why the Ghost King believes this, nobody knows)

the paper in a hershey kiss is meant to be eaten

the paper in a fortune cookie is also meant to be eaten and you have to do it to claim your fortune

planes stay up because their wings flap so fast you can't even see them move

you can make electronics work better by yelling at them

the ice cream man plays the song when the truck is empty

shaking a soda makes it taste better (short-lived)

hot dog made of real dog

spiders on the moon and that's why we can't live there

Watergate was when Nixon flooded the White House bathroom and then opened the door and got the whole White House wet

.mp4 files aren't real, and an iPod is just a really really tiny radio

Lady Gaga is also not real

426 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Jesse. Jesse meth isn't the only thing we're cooking. Because today's video was sponsored by Hello Fresh.

63,814 notes - Posted October 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #false #I gotta get these post numbers up #also just so everyone is aware we are LEAVING THE H*LLO FR*SH POST IN 2022 #shrimp monologuing

[phantomato]

[F]or a long time I stuck to writing pre-canon fics or AUs because I felt intimidated by the need to Address The Thing. And eventually, I did…. 197,000 words of Addressing The Thing. It was a lot of fun to write, it got a good reception, I was pretty happy with it overall.

But then the fic was finished, and I went on to writing other things…. I had a reader ask me “Do you ever plan to Address The Thing in this fic?” I felt kind of jarred. Because… I already wrote that fic….

And that’s just it! That’s just so exhausting, both from a writing and a reading perspective. I don’t want to have to wade through ten thousand words of Addressing The Thing, over and over and over…. An entire fandom full of fics that are about exactly the same thing would be awful.

Clipped from: mikkeneko

Thoughts on this and why I’ll never order two cakes below the cut.

With apologies to those who will always order two cakes.

If there’s one thing I love, it’s older meta. I came across the linked piece tonight, and I don’t even fully agree with the discussion that led to mikkeneko’s addition, but I adore that addition, so it was a worthwhile read. I’ve carved out the core part of it, if you’ll excuse my ellipses; it’s worth reading the less-choppy version.

Anyway, what I enjoy about older meta is seeing how the same thoughts and conversations have been circling through the fan community for years, even decades, in essentially recognizable forms. I’ve felt this for a long time, as my very patient and wonderful friends can attest, and here I am, quoting a six-year-old post, finally able to put my thoughts in order thanks to it.

There’s that adage that goes around tumblr, and fandom more broadly, about authors who worry whether their take on a recurring trope/premise/etc. will be welcome. “Well, of course,” the tumblr post/comic assures the reader, “what’s better than two cakes?” And I am so glad that fandom makes space for that, joyfully encourages it, and that readers and writers who love revisiting the same moments in canon, the same plot inspiration, the same tropes or kinks for their favs, can find all that they want in this space.

With that said, I don’t want a second cake. It’s just not my temperament—if I’ve had a satisfactory/enjoyable cake, I will next want a pie, or something to drink, or something that’s not sweet at all. This goes double for my work as a creator; perhaps I will circle back around to wanting to eat yellow cake in a few weeks or months, but I don’t want to bake it again for years. I like variety!

I write pre-canon, primarily. It’s not a coincidence. The character I like best lives for 64 years before canon starts up, which is most of his life. He experiences everything you would expect of someone that old, and more, and there are dozens of jumping-off points in even the scant history we get about him. On the other hand, canon lasts seven years, and he dies at the end of it. Canon doesn’t account for every second of his life in those seven years, no; there are many plot threads to pick up. However, by virtue of being the antagonist, canon brings bundles of baggage—if you diverge in year three, what about XYZ other plot events that we know are taking place? If you do anytime before the end of year four, you’ve got to reckon with how he gets a body, and after year four, his body looks a certain way that you’ll have to address. Don’t forget about his supporters, and his housing situation, and the increasing degree of investment from the protagonist towards destroying the antagonist, and…

It’s a lot.

It’s a lot that I have, quite neatly, sidestepped (re)writing.

I took it on in Oily Water, a project that had a false start, 10k words deep before I realized I wasn’t satisfied, needed to scrap it all, and restart. That’s over a sixth of its finished length, mind. I rewrote it from an entirely new POV. And while I love what I created, I consider that exercise finished. I’ve written the canon-era fic; I’ve eaten that cake. It was a chore for me. Perhaps I’ll want to eat it again in two or three years, but probably not before. I don’t care about canon—and not just in the sense of “screw the rules, I have money I can write a different plot,” but very, very sincerely: I don’t care about anyone or anything that defines the canon era, and I don’t want to write there.

I’ve done it already.

I’ve Addressed The Thing.

Not every story needs to be about The Thing, even when The Thing is defined as “the canon and core of this universe.” I write a villain; I am so tired of the set of expectations that demand answers as to how he deals with his boy-hero nemesis and how he wins or ends or survives his war and how his magic macguffins are dealt with. The boy hero’s never born, and if he is, he’s irrelevant, not fit for even a one-line mention. The war doesn’t start because my story changed so much in the decades prior. I don’t give a shit about magic, let alone macguffins, and they’re not named. I free myself from baggage by refusing to pick it up in the first place.

And that’s lonely, as it happens. I think it’s very reasonable and expected that most fans of a thing will want to spend the majority of their time in the canon, playing with the main characters, and revisiting the events that define the series. I know it’s a little silly to look for community in the vast blankness of the extra-canonical timeline, where there are few signposts to guide the way, but I do. I relate very strongly to the statement that it is exhausting to both encounter the same types of content over and over again, and to deal with the expectation that my content provide those same elements. I would stop writing before I put myself through replaying canon endlessly—it is, again, just not my temperament. I need the change and lack of expectation that comes from looking at other parts of the timeline in order to feel creatively fulfilled.

There’s no takeaway message in this, I’m afraid. I don’t come out of reading mikkeneko’s post with any great insights into… how to be more content with my role as a fic author, or how to navigate membership in the wider fandom. I am glad to see someone else express that desire to avoid particular areas of canon baggage, and the associated pressure to do just the opposite, that’s plagued me in my time here. I just don’t want to Address The Thing, and each time I flirt with it, with taking on some part of the mantle of expectation, I become only more convinced that it’s a poor fit for me and that I shouldn’t try again.

I only wish it were easier!

#navel gazing

[broadwaygeek1318]

Never bake when your in severe distress

(A.N: This is my first post on Tumblr, and I figured I make it a blog post. So please be nice, thank you.)

I know what you're gonna say. Doesn't baking help with stress? Well, it does but doesn't at the same time.

Sure, it can act as a great stress reliever. Why punch a pillow when you can beat pastry dough? However, there is a saying in my family “Never cook when you're upset.” According to my mom, you’re supposed to cook with love in your heart otherwise the food will taste bitter.

I didn't believe in that old saying. There have been times when I've been cooking with sadness over the death of a character from my favorite anime (*sniff* Rengoku!!!!! 😭😭😭). Anger, whenever my sister and I are cooking together and we have a small argument over folding in egg whites.

I’ve cook and baked with lots of emotions besides love and the food tasted good. So why was it different when I baked last week?

Let me tell you a short story.

Once upon a time, there was a young girl with anxiety issues who thought her dreams were in the theater. but as she went on with her college life, she realized her true passion for writing and cooking. sure, she was good at reciting lines and decent at dancing, but when she was writing plays and papers for English and language classes, she realized her true passion. it was right in front of her face her whole life, as a child, she always liked writing little stories and was told she had strong opinions that needed to be shared. And because she loved cooking and sharing her opinions about food that she has eaten, she thought ‘why not mix both of these things I love together?’.

And so, she decided to become a food critic/chef and changed her major to English to improve her writing skills. Sadly, all stories have a villain, and this story’s villain is called anxiety. Anxiety was a bitch who kept on whispering doubts and fears into the girl’s heart.

What if you fail?

What if you get overwhelmed?

What if you're not good enough?

What if you're writing style isn’t good enough for the teachers?

Yeah, the girl was turning into a nervous wreck, it got to the point where she forgot why she wanted to change her major in the first place. She forgot her dreams. In an attempt to quell her fears she decided to bake an apple pie, a dessert she has made many times in the past. However, her wicked anxieties cast a curse on the pie. Though it looked and smelled tasty on the outside, it held a dark secret on the inside.

So, yeah. That's the story of what’s been happening in my for the past few days. I ran out of anxiety medication and look what happened!But there is hope. Just when you think the villains are too powerful to defeat, even stronger heroes will arise to save the day.

I have my family, who believes in me.

I have a website called ‘Rate my professor’, which allows me to look at the ratings of the professor of the classes I need to take and find the ones that would help me grow.

I have a teacher who gave me incredible advice on something that will help me in the future.

I have a friend who’s also an English major. I asked him a lot of questions and he put many of my fears to rest.

But most importantly, I have me. I have overcome so many challenges in the past. I have written papers, learned from my experiences, and managed my time correctly. I’ve felt this fear before, back when I was starting college and I was scared of the change. The life that was so used to, aka high school, was over and I was entering a new chapter in my life. It was scary at first, but I overcame it. And it’s the same thing for this situation.

So, what did I learn from this? I learned that though something may seem scary at first glance if you have faith in yourself and work hard, you can accomplish anything. I also learned that if you were afraid it helps to talk about it with somebody instead of keeping it inside you. I talked about my fears with my friend and my parents and they really helped me get over them. You can also talk to a therapist, they can help a lot.

Now I'm sure you’re still wondering, “What about the pie?” Well, turns out my phrase of cooking with only love in your heart actually has some truth to it. I served the pie to my family and one of my friends and they love it, their reactions reminded me of the dream that I have, and that made me very happy. However, when I took a bite, I tasted nothing but bitterness and felt anxiety again. I guess the emotions that were feeling that day stuck to the pie, which sucks! Told my mom about it, but she said it tasted good and she's not one to lie to her kids.

I think what I tasted was psychological. I'll do some research. Until then, thank you very much for reading my first post. And remember, cook with love in your heart!

Bye!!

Sincerely me.



#lifestyle blog #baking #anxienty #life lessons #first post

[translucent-at-best]

Scatter-brained...

Finally got myself a new laptop. Been without one for a year and was making due with my work laptop, but I wasn't about to log in to Tumblr on that or type out a Scatter-brained post on my phone so... it's been a while. Hey.

Folks need to gon' 'head with that Usher/Chris Brown Verzuz argument. It's nobody on his level and that's just that.

Today was my 3rd therapy appointment. I'm still feeling her out, but I'm liking her so far. We've been talking a lot about my eating habits (because I told her my emotional eating was one of the things I wanted to work on) and today before I logged on, I realized I was kind of annoyed because I knew (like the last session) she'd ask me some things with some uncomfortable answers. Thought about lying. But I didn't. This is what I'm paying for. I'm proud of me.

Finished the 2nd round of interviews for a job I really want yesterday. Although I wouldn't be working for the school district anymore (which unfortunately means losing my pension and the free health insurance), I would be making more than I was last year AND more than I'd be making as a counselor with the school district. Like... significantly more. We gon' see.

I don't have a job right now. I've signed up for some delivery services until I find something and I've saved enough for most of this month's bills, but... even though I don't have a way to pay August's rent right now I'm strangely calm about everything.

I figure something's going to work out because it has to. Because it always does. Let's hope I'm not wrong...

I don't necessarily want sex right now (although that'll probably change soon since I'll be ovulating next week), but what I do want is my pussy eaten from the back and my ass ate. Post-haste.

I can't lie, this time off has been amazing. My old job was incredibly too stressful for all the money I wasn't making and the free time I have now feels so good. I've started seeing a therapist, I finally got around to finding a Black dermatologist, gynecologist, and dentist and scheduling my appointments, I'm cooking more... I love this.

Now that I've gotten my room how I want it for the most part, I don't mind staying in my apartment and not spending money at all.

At times like these, that Zora Neale Hurston quote from Their Eyes Were Watching God always floats to the forefront of my mind: "This freedom feeling was fine." She ain't fucking lie.

#scatter-brained #scatter #I missed this

[etheriacatsembroiderywitchcraft]

I haven't posted on here in a while because my last couple posts got sort of eaten by Tumblr. Anyhow though I have still been crocheting a lot of stuff it's actually been really really enjoyable for me lately and I wanted to show off one of my biggest projects that is still in progress. I also wanted to talk a little bit about where the idea came from and stuff so I'll do that and then there will be pictures at the end.

So I've been sort of experimenting with different ways of crocheting for kind of a while now and one of the things that I learned is that I am not able to make delicate, lacey, doily style crochet. I'm not 100% certain if it's simply that my hands can't hold a small enough crochet hook to make it work because the smaller the hook the more likely my hands are to cramp or if it's just not something that I have the ability to do but I tried it multiple times and the edges kept curling up. So I basically decided that I will leave the delicate work to others and I have noticed that because my attention tends to be fairly tight I'm actually pretty good at making amigurumi, so I have made quite a few little plushies and things. The most recent one that I finished was for my kiddos birthday and she is currently very excited about axolotls but they are a specialty type pet and with the expense and the level of responsibility and her still not being old enough in my personal opinion to handle that sort of responsibility I made her a crochet one instead. She tells me she loves it she named it strawberry everybody's happy. But now I'm working on a smallish Baymax because she was telling me the other day that he is her favorite character from Big hero 6 and it's going to be part of her Christmas present. Also for Halloween I dressed up as a woodland witch and I made a crow, a bee, and a mandrake which I pinned either to my hat or my shoulder. But a while back I was looking for something else to do because when I first learned how to crochet all I really learned how to do was make granny squares and I'm realizing, the more that I see them around social media but I don't actually like them that much. No hate to anybody who does because there are some people out there that makes really interesting things out of just granny squares but for me personally they're just not that great. But one thing that I was thinking about is that crochet in a way is making a bunch of knots and so then of course I have the idea of potentially using knot magic and some of my stuff and when I have made several of the amigurumi things for my kid I have put into them the intention of helping her be calm and have a good sleep and things like that and then I found a crochet technique called tapestry crochet. And I've always been a little bit obsessed with the idea of tapestries especially like the massive ones that they always talk about in fantasy books and so coming across the idea that I could make something like that with yarn and a crochet hook just I was completely in love right away. My very first tapestry project turned out a little bit wonky it's hourglass shaped and it's supposed to be a rectangle but it still hangs on the wall near my bed because I like being able to look at the progress that I have made with those things. I have since made a wall hanging for my husband but it's not currently on the wall right now because it was meant for his office and he has since switched jobs so he doesn't have the office anymore, and I've made a bunch of small panels that make up this blanket.

The blanket itself is supposed to be a Halloween themed blanket that is large enough to cover all of me, which isn't exactly difficult because I am not a very large person however, I do want to be able to like, curl up on the couch with it and that's why I need it to be a certain size. Now this all started because I was making a second wall hanging that says bewitchy and then it's got a big witch hat in the top corner and then along the bottom it's got a couple of little cats and little cauldrons and I made it but then I didn't have a dowel rod or anything similar that I could attach it to to hang it on the mall but it came out so much more uniform than the first one that I didn't want to grab a stick from outside like I did with that one. So I was looking at my lovely finished product there, and my husband said something about making a blanket out of it and at first I thought what he meant was that I should build off of the one panel and make a blanket out of it with that is like the centerpiece focal point and he was like no you know you can make a bunch of little ones, big ones, medium sized ones and then attach them all to each other to make the blanket. And I thought that was a cool idea but then I was having trouble finding tapestry crochet patterns specifically with the things that I wanted on them and so I was stumped for a bit. But then my husband reminded me of something that I do in Minecraft because we play it occasionally the kiddo and I play it more than he does but we do occasionally play all three of us together and something that I've been doing in Minecraft for a long time now is taking perler bead patterns and turning them into like walls I made this giant Warehouse out of Easter themed ones one time and I've used them as just like statues like Mark where things are there's one map where me and the kid were playing and I was in creative mode and she was in survival and she kept losing her way and we were right against the ocean so it's a cat mermaid and I made it standing up in front of our base at the edge of the beach so that she can always find her way home. And he asked me why I couldn't use a perler bead pattern to make tapestry crochet and I didn't have an answer for him I honestly didn't know why I hadn't thought of it! So I picked a perler bead pattern with a cute little ghost on it and I thought that if I just went one stitch for one bead that it would be too small so I doubled everything in both directions so for every bead across I did two stitches and for every bead up I did two rows and it made this very large panel with a ghost on it but I love the panel and I love the blanket and that's basically how the rest of it has come together is that almost everything on here was a perler bead pattern or something that I made myself using graph paper. I have been putting the intention into the blanket of being warm and cozy and so far it's been doing really well. It's not finished but I have covered up with it a couple of times recently and it is very warm so knowing that we are going to get some sort of material to put a backing on it makes me think that it is going to be extremely warm once I'm finished with it and that makes me very, very happy.

Without further ado here it is:

#crochet #crochet blanket #crafts #i love this shit #halloween #🎃 #its so cozy #still looking for more perler bead patterns though

[fangedfaefreak]

TW: Going to rant about Christianity for a hot second, fyi. I will be quoting verses. I just don’t want to put this on my main in case the guy I argued with sends his buddies after that account bc I really shouldn’t have argued but I did, so🤷🏻 Call me a chicken for blocking them, but I am already triggered and on edge and I’m not about to make it 20x worse. Religion is sooo fucky for us and I really don’t need to keep surrounding myself in that pile of garbage. Putting a read more bc I definitely get blasphemous and I know some religious trauma folks follow our sys account and could see this AND some Christians follow us there too. (I love you, I know you’re not like the ones that hurt us.) This post is made by Vivian, btw. Duh, it’s my account lol.

Got in an argument on main with a Christian🙄

“My book of fables that I often take as absolute truth and completely out of context despite it being written and mistranslated so many times it’s not funny AND I will only use the parts that will further MY agenda and ignore the rest. So here you go: witches are evil.”

Okay. But you wear cotton blend shirts, I’m sure? And have eaten shrimp?

And man, I sure know that Christians enjoy ritual prostitution! That’s literally considered ritually offensive! (Kings 14:23) Doesn’t stop them though! :))) Because why would it?

Not to mention in Christianity it literally says that the Old Testament, while it should still be considered, should not be followed. Rather, the New Testament should be followed. That’s why Christianity has the New Testament rather than just the Old like Jewish folks.

“But Vivi! The New Testament talks about witches too!”

Yeah, they sure do.

In Revelations 22:15 it says that witches will not receive eternal life. (Which…why the fuck would they care about the Christian eternal life anyway lmfao) “Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.”

Weird, I sure know a lot of Christians who fall under that category^^ And yet they still preach and use their religion to get what they want. Fucking disgusting!

And this is not bashing on every single Christian ever, there are a lot of good Christians that don’t use their religion to push their own agenda, but it’s just so gross to see these people on tumblr of all places, especially since they tagged their original post as witchcraft rather than fucking Christian tags. Like I’m sorry I don’t wanna see that on my dash, you’re not going to magically convert me by calling me a heathen and saying I’m going to hell and that I have daddy issues.🙄 Get a grip on your fucking ego holy shit.

I can cherry-pick verses too. Easy peasy. We studied the Bible obsessively for years. Then we realized how fucked it all was and how much hatefulness comes from people misusing it. No thank you.

Gonna try to tag the religious trauma tags and tw tags but I’m turning off reblogs in case any assholes try to clown on this vent post.

-Vivi

#religion tw #religious tw #religious trauma tw #personal post #vivian #🦷 #gonna avoid the x tian tags as much as possible because I don’t want to get shit on here either #do not interact #likes okay I don’t want comments though #this is a rant and a vent through and through

[izzet-league-mad-scientist]

Alright, so now that it seems I'm actually going to be using my tumblr for the first real time since I created it 3 years ago, I've gotta start with something. And honestly, what better way to inaugurate my introduction to the Homestuck fandom at large and to spur on some interaction than to state my opinions on the infamous spider girl herself, Vriska Serket. I'm sure that this is a flawless idea that will have no consequences whatsoever.

I suppose this train of thought begins with something I realized when desperately pawing through liveblogs for someone whose homestuck experience was similar to my own. Specifically, by figuring out which blogs I liked and which I did not, I narrowed down what my own opinions were by process of elimination. It started with simply those who were unenthusiastic or frustrated at the mysteries of the comic, shortly before I also nixed those who vehemently hated any of the trolls for their intrinsic character traits (If I had a nickel for every blog that posted a huge essay-rant about how Gamzee's willful ignorance is the worst thing to ever exist, an intrinsic moral flaw, and completely opposite to anything civilized, I'd have two nickels). When I got to Vriska's introduction, however, I really figured out what was going on.

As always, reading liveblogs, watching livereads, or really any media form of re-experiencing a favorite through others, is about finding your own emotions mirrored in someone else, vicariously re-experiencing the emotions you felt upon your first experience with the topic. And to that end; I could finally pin down my own opinions on dear Vriska.

Vriska, to me, is a deeply tragic character. She's been traumatized and manipulated and used since her youth, and the scars and coping mechanisms she developed from all of that lead her to only repeat the cycles of violence, running others and herself into the ground. While of course I hated her upon introduction, you'd be pretty heartless not to, it quickly turned to feeling bad for her upon further information. It becomes clear pretty quickly that all of her terrible actions are consequences themselves of what she's been through and the worldviews she's developed to cope with that.

Her complex about being strong vs being weak follows pretty directly from her upbringing; she had to be stronger than other strolls, the strongest, even, to keep spidermom fed, and to avoid injury herself she had to go after the weakest other trolls. And she's doing them a favor, really, 8ecause if she was weak then she'd 8e eaten herself; so really she's just saving them the trou8le of dying in a worse way! She can't bring herself to feel real remorse for her actions, because if she ever does then she'd be crushed under everything she's done. And I mean really, this is a 13 year old who's killed hundreds of other children since she was like 8, that's not something that she can just accept without shattering. And as always, she's just doing what she has to to survive, so in her mind it was always necessary. She falls into the trap that deeply hurt characters often do, in that she only sees one option that isn't weakness or death, and becomes blind to any other way.

I would never say that Vriska has done nothing wrong, because she very obviously has, in so many ways. But a character doesn't need to be free of all wrongdoing to be worth sympathy, even if you don't forgive them. And that's what I was looking for in livebloggers, that peculiar combination of hate and pity (hah) that has always been my experience with her. I just want her to have a happy ending, not to forget what she's done but to atone and feel remorse and finally be able to be at peace with herself. She almost gets that after years in the dream bubbles pre-retcon, after being forced to accept that she doesn't have anything more to do, after finally being free of any plans or webs, of having all of her irons out of the fire and firmly out of reach. But of course, we don't see any more of that after Terezi:Remem8er.

Either way, she's a uniquely compelling character in her own right, one I might even give a similar pedestal to Zuko in How To Write a Sympathetic Bad Guy. Unlike Zuko's archetypal and fantastic redemption, her story and arc is meandering and erratic, her actions grey and her morals suspect, even at the end of the story. But it is truly masterful to have such an organic character, one who flouts conventions and simplicity so regularly, become such a presence in a fandom as to be known even to those who don't know anything else about Homestuck.

#homestuck #vriska serket #long post #vriskourse #also I am simply fond of her #as a scorpio myself #I took the classpect quiz and got true scorpio so yeah #light aspect gang #this can never go wrong

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Fic: Soulmate Survey Part 38

Sorry for the delay. Real life gets out of hand. But here it is! The antepenultimate chapter.

Shout out to @asongeverlasting for beta reading for me and making sure I actually got this out.

Check her writing out on AO3 as Ramblingwren

(Master post)

(Read the fic in a more condensed on Ao3)

(The latest chapter will be up on there once this reaches over 500 notes on tumblr)

Hope you all enjoy

_____________________________________________________________

“I shouldn’t have let her go out there.”

Fu watched the school nurse, Angela, fret as she paced back and forth.

“I understand your concern, but I believe that it will all be alright. Ladybug and Chat Noir haven’t failed in handling an akuma yet,” he explained. “The girl will be okay.”

The nurse stopped pacing.

“I appreciate your optimism but… I am really not used to this,” She said as she gestured to the air.

Fu blinked at the statement.

“Oh?”

“This! This whole thing! Super villains that appear whenever someone gets sad, teenagers with superpowers! This is all new to me! I just moved to Paris a month ago from the countryside. All I wanted was to further my education and get work in the medical field. It… It boggles my mind that everyone in this city is so okay with all of this! Even my new boyfriend Curtis is able to shrug off an akuma attack like a sudden drizzle. This isn’t normal!”

The guardian could tell the young woman was distressed, and he couldn’t blame her. In a way, he envied her. This was all foreign for her, but to him, this was his entire life.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up like that. I've had a lot to deal with, and this whole situation is just so…”

Fu moved to her and helped her sit down.

“It’s alright, this is by no means a good situation. Your concerns are very understandable. I can tell that deep down that your frustration and fear come from compassion and empathy. You will make a wonderful doctor one day.”

She took a deep breath.

“Thank you. You have no idea how much I really needed to hear that today.”

“How about I teach you a medication technique that will help you calm down?”

“Meditation? I'm not really one for that kind of stuff.”

“If one wants to be a doctor, being able to calm down and handle an emergency situation is a must.”

The school nurse agreed that he had a good point, and that this may help get her mind off of things.

“Okay, I guess I'll give it a shot.”

Fu smiled.

“Good. Let us start simple. Close your eyes and put your hands together.”

Angela felt the action was a bit odd but complied.

“Now, take a deep breath. Count to 5 in your head and then breathe out.”

She took her breath and followed the order.

“Whenever you feel a thought come to your head, simply picture yourself putting it out of your mind and into a bucket.”

She tried her best to comply.

As she did this, Fu moved behind her and quickly pinched a nerve on her neck, causing the young woman to seize up for a moment before losing consciousness.

“That will help her relax.”

He carefully moved her to the cot and laid a sheet over her like a blanket.

Once it was clear that she was asleep, a turtle kwami flew out of hiding.

“So, what do we do now, Master?”

Fu took a moment to consider.

His plan was already in motion. Ladybug and Chat Noir had plenty of allies to help fight the akuma. All that needed to be done was to sit down and wait.

But as he thought about it more, he couldn’t help but think that he should go in personally. It was what he'd initially planned to do with akuma, after all. Listening to this young woman’s fears made him really see how his inaction has led to such fear and uncertainty.

For once, it was time for him to go on the offensive.

“Now we head out and find this akuma.”

“Master, you already sent out three miraculous. Let the other heroes handle this,” Wayzz insisted.

“The people of Paris should not have to become used to this. I have been far too lax with this situation. Right now, Ladybug and Chat Noir are facing their most dangerous akuma yet. For decades I have always remained passive in order to avoid making another mistake, but I have already made so many with my inaction. It's time I stop letting my actions be dictated by fear.”

“But Master, you can’t transform! Your body is too old to handle it!”

“Fear not, Wayzz. I have been exercising and restoring my vitality with the techniques of the guardians. By my estimation, I should be able to maintain the transformation without too much issue for 10 minutes,” Fu assured.

“That is not a lot of time, Master!” Wayzz pointed out.

“True, but it is better than nothing. We will head out and wait for the moment we need it. Be ready, Wayzz.”

The old guardian started heading to the door.

“But Master, what if you get captured? What if the akuma does succeed and you are unable to step in?”

Fu paused at the door.

“I know you are concerned for me. I appreciate your care. But I need to go out there. I have lived a long life, Wayzz, far longer than most humans. One day I may not be here to be the guardian.”

Wayzz felt a pang of sorrow hearing his Master talk about how he would no longer be around.

“But that’s okay. I know that when that time comes… I have two young heroes that will be ready to stand up and fight. The best thing an old man like me can do is pave the road for them.” The guardian said with certainty. He went to open the door.

“Fu…”

The old man stopped. Turning around, he saw the turtle kwami he had known for most of his life smile at him.

“I know you think of yourself as a failure of a guardian… but Su Han and the others were wrong. You are a great one. You are the most caring guardian that has ever held the title. And I will be by your side to the end.”

The old man felt his eyes well up at the sweet comment.

“Then let’s go, Partner.”

___________________________________________________________________________

The dragon heroine grabbed the confused snake hero and moved him to the closest room before closing the door.

“Okay we should be safe here,” she said as she looked over to her comrade. It was clear that Viperion was still very confused. It did not help that both his and her miraculous were beeping. They didn't have much time.

“Thanks… ummm,” Viperion started as he tried to rack his brain for a name. Part of him felt like he should know her. But his mind is blank.

“Ryuuko. You can call me Ryuuko. And you are Viperion.”

“Okay… weird name for me, but I guess it works.”

Ryuuko realized that the bubble Viperion had been put in wasn’t just to keep him frozen in place. One of the side effects must have been leaving him without any memory of who he was. Had her partner been aware of that risk when he took the bubble for her? She couldn’t know for sure. But right now, she needed to focus on the task at hand. Shehad to take charge since her partner was out of sorts.

“Okay, 'll try to explain this as quickly as possible.”

“Your real name is Luka. But when you are in your hero form, you go by Viperion.”

“Hero form...”

He looked down.

“Well, that does explain the costumes. I thought it was some sort of weird costume party.”

Ryuuko decided to ignore that.

“Okay, so I'm a hero. And you're one too?”

“Yes. We are both heroes picked by Ladybug to help her fight villains. Right now, we're fighting a bunch of them, and you got your memory wiped by one of their attacks. That’s why you are confused. Any questions?”

The boy took a moment to look himself over and then look at her. This was a lot of information to take in. Ryuuko was half expecting him to call her crazy. Which, given how bizarre the circumstances were, she wouldn’t blame him.

“Okay, I think if it was anyone else telling me this, I would have called it a load of bull. But… I don’t know why but I feel like I can trust you. You sound sincere,” Viperion responded.

“Okay great, now let's…”

“I still have a few questions.”

Ryuuko sighs.

“Look, we really don’t have much time. We need to hurry and get out there to help…”

And just before she finished the statement, both of their transformations wore off. Revealing their civilian forms.

“Oh no.” Kagami muttered in horror.

“What happened? Where am I… What am I?” The snake kwami questioned as he looked at himself.

“It appears that Sass was also impacted by the amnesia.” The dragon kwami that popped out of her necklace commented.

Luka stared wide eyed at the creature.

“Are you a snake?”

“A snake? I suppose?”

“A snake with limbs? That is very rock and roll.”

The two fistbumped. Thankfully they seemed to get along.

Longg looked at them.

“This is quite a predicament.”

“We need to hurry back in. Longg! Bring the….”

“Hold on a moment. Both Sass and I will not be able to do that yet.”

Kagami stopped.

“How come?”

“We need to refuel. The energy of transforming AND using our unique powers drains a lot out of us. We need some food to continue.”

“Food… Okay.”

The snake Kwami grabbed his stomach.

“I find myself rather famished,” he commented.

Luka looked at him.

“Let me see if I can help you out.”

The teen took off the backpack he was wearing to go through it. Thankfully there was a bag lunch in there. For some reason he felt that was important. But decided that if it could help the little guy out, he was sure it wouldn’t be a big deal.

He opened the bag lunch and pulled out a bag of apple slices. Opening it to grab a piece.

“I know snakes usually are carnivores, but how about some fruit?”

“Ooo! It smells divine!”

Luka handed the floating kwami a piece of the apple.

He takes a bite.

“Oh! It's delicious! Juicy and sweet!”

The snake quickly devours the apple piece.

As that happens, Kagami looked through her bag.

“I don’t have fruit but I do have some onigiri. It was my afternoon snack… but since this is a dire situation.”

“Rice? Yes please!” Longg exclaimed as he dive bombed right into the delicious rice ball.

“It’s Umeboshi, it’s not to everyone’s taste but It is one of my favorites.”

“It’s the most delicious thing I have ever eaten. The sour plum really brings a new dimension of flavor.”

Kagami smiled a bit at her kwami companion, happy that she could help.

The two Kwami finished their food and were ready for action.

“Okay, Sass. You need to help Luka transform.”

“Sass? Is that my name?” the snake inquired.

“So, he helps me transform into Viperman?”

“Viperion, and yes,” Kagami responded.

“All you need to do is say. Sass, Scales Slither. And to activate your special power just pull your bracelet back and say second chance. Then pull it back when you want to use it. But be sure not to use it right away,” Longg instructed.

“Okay seems easy enough. Are you okay with this?” Luka asked as he turned his attention to his snake pal.

“The floating horn snake seems fine with it so I say let’s give it a try”

Longg decided for the sake of his friendship with Sass to ignore the comment.

“Alright! Let's do this!” Kagami exclaimed as she prepared to transform.

“One last question.”

Kagami was starting to get antsy. She wanted to be back out there fighting. But she held back her annoyance, considering how he sacrificed his memories for her.

“Make it quick, we need to hurry.”

Luka scratches the back of his head.

“Are we a couple?”

If Kagami was drinking water she would have done a massive spit take. Her cheeks turned red.

“What?!”

“You know… together? You seem to know a lot about me, and I just feel this connection... like I can trust you even though I don’t remember anything. I don’t know how or why, but I feel like you matter to me.”

Kagami’s eyes went wide at the comment. It felt surprisingly bold of the musician to say. She had to admit that the statement made her heart skip a beat.

“No, we had just recently become friends.” Kagami responded.

“Oh…” Luka was saddened by the response.

“But, I have thought about the possibility it could be more than that one day," Kagami continued. "But that is something to discuss when you have your memory back. Maybe.”

The fencer felt her mind scream at her.

‘WHY DID YOU SAY THAT! Well, at least he won't remember.’

Luka smiled at that.

“Well, that must mean I must be a good guy, if I could have such a great friend like you.”

The teen prepared himself.

“Alright then! Sass! Scales Slither.”

The musician shifted into his hero form.

“Let’s go save the day.”

Kagami looked at her hero partner and smiled.

“Longg, Bring the storm.

______________________________________________________________________

“Well, that might be a problem.”

Chat Noir and Ladybug looked to see a stone giant guarding the front door of the classroom. The two had hidden just out of the goliath’s view.

“Any ideas on how to take down Mount Akuma?” Chat Noir questioned.

Ladybug looked at the giant from their hiding spot and began formulating a plan.

“Stoneheart grows bigger when he gets mad. These akuma aren’t really able to express their emotions. That means we don’t need to worry about him getting bigger. We just need to find a way to incapacitate him.”

“We could ask Mayura,” Chat Noir pointed out.

“We could ask… wait WHA…”

Chat Noir covered his partner’s mouth and ducked down.

“Shhhh! She’s right there,” Chat Noir hushed.

Ladybug removed the cat’s hand from her mouth and looked from the spot to see that her partner was right. Mayura was in the building!

“She actually showed up?” Oh, this is a lot more serious than we thought. Hawkmoth is really playing it serious with this one.”

“To the butterfly man’s credit, he really has been throwing out some tough ones.”

“I will not give our worst villain credit for anything except this headache,” Ladybug retorted with annoyance.

“So, what do we do? Mayura is in the building and she is talking with the giant.”

Ladybug felt like the situation couldn’t get worse.

“Not so fast, Feather Freak!”

Ladybug recognized that voice.

“Chloé?”

Chat Noir and Ladybug glanced to see a familiar blonde strutting down the hallway. But their expressions of shock shifted to bewilderment when they noticed what she was wearing.

“So are you and that purple fashion blunder here? Or is it just you? I am guessing it's just you. Your boss doesn’t really like to show his face unless he thinks he is sure to win. No wonder Ladybug always kicks his…” The bee themed heroine confidently quipped.

“Queen Bee. Now that is a surprise. I thought Ladybug was done giving you a miraculous.” The peacock villainess commented. She had no interest in dealing with the bee heroine at this time.

“Well, you would be surprised by a lot of things. So how about we settle this. My fist really misses your face.”

Mayura rolled her eyes.

“Fortunately for you, I don’t have the time to deal with you. Stoneheart, I am sure Masquerade would love for you to take care of this pesky bee.”

“Oh don’t think you can walk away! You and that purple cockroach are the same. Both cowards that can’t even face children.” She jeered as she walked forward.

The stone giant moved forward, allowing Mayura to walk to the door and enter.

“Too scared to face me! Typical. I'll beat your pet rock as a warm up and then your butt will meet my foot!” Queen Bee exclaimed with confidence. “Because I am a real heroine!”

Queen Bee got into a stance and prepared to trade blows with the colossus of rock.

Chat Noir looked to Ladybug.

“Did you give her a miraculous?” He whispered in surprise.

“I don’t have any additional miraculous. I thought she had been captured with the rest of the class.”

“Wait… if it wasn’t you… you don’t think…”

“Either Master Fu is in the building and saw how dire the situation was or Chloé snuck away and had a Queen Bee costume stowed away in her locker.”

The two look at each other and immediately come to the same conclusion.

“We need to save her before she gets crushed!”

______________________________________________________________________

Mayura walked into the classroom.

She managed to keep a straight face, but internally she had a lot going through her mind.

What was once a standard classroom now looked like an elaborate throne room. The amazing curtains, the high ceilings. The steps leading up to an elaborate throne. The portraits of Masquerade really brought together the utter decadence and vanity of the akuma persona. It reminds Mayura of Gabriel’s obsession with Emilie in the worst way possible.

Despite finding the décor off-putting, she had to admit it was impressive how Masquerade had been able to change the room into something completely unrecognizable. A testament to her vanity.

She took a moment to see what akuma servants she still had in the room. The Gamer, Reflekta with around 12 copies, Princess Fragrance, Robostus, Zombizou and Horificator. While the white masks obscured their expressions, it was clear that all of them were watching her. It greatly unnerved her.

She kept these thoughts to herself as the masked akuma that was running the school took notice of her.

“Mayura. I've been expecting you.”

Mayura looked up to see Masquerade sitting on the throne.

“Please, come in.”

She approached confidently. Though in the back of her mind something seemed off.

Masquerade stood up from the throne and walked down the steps, a smile of certainty on her face.

“Masquerade. Your Sentimonster gave me the basics of your plan. Securing the school as your base of operations was a good first step. Your plan of creating a video to lower the spirits of those in Paris was also a nice touch,” Mayura praised.

“But of course! My plan is flawless,” Masquerade boasted. “Not even Ladybug and Chat Noir will be able to stop me.”

“Getting ahead of yourself aren’t you?” Mayura cut her ego trip.

Masquerade’s mood soured as her smile faltered.

“What do you mean by that?”

“You have yet to face the two heroes. Not to mention there's a pesky bee flying around.”

“A bee?” Masquerade was very confused by the comment.

“Yes, Chloé Bourgeois, or Queen Bee, to be precise. Seems that Ladybug and Chat Noir went and got back up."

“It doesn’t matter if they have one additional hero or three. This plan won't fail.”

‘Something isn’t right here. I need to leave now!’ Mayura’s mind screamed.

She wasn’t sure why, but something felt incredibly off.

“Speaking of heroes, your plan never really specified how you will deal with them. Care to elaborate?”

Masquerade’s smile grew more sinister.

“I am glad you asked. After Simularé relayed to me that you were here. I finally figured out the perfect way of dealing with those arrogant heroes,” the masked woman stated with certainty, moving forward.

She now stood only a few feet from the peacock villainess.

“Wait a moment, something is wrong here,” Mayura commented as she tried to focus. She couldn’t ignore the warnings in her head.

“What do you mean?” The mask akuma looked with confusion at the blue villainess.

Mayura looked around. Frantically trying to find something but it was fruitless. This distress caused Masquerade to smile.

“I can't sense it,” Mayura spoke with slight worry.

“Sense what?” Masquerade inquired further.

“Where is your amok? It should be on your person but I can't sense it.”

“Is that a problem?”

“Yes. If you don’t have the amok in your possession then that sentimonster will go out of control!” Mayura explained.

“Can’t you just rip the amok out?”

“If it's nearby and I sense it, yes. But I can’t do that if it’s out of my range.”

“So you’re saying you have no power over me right now.” A devilish grin appeared on Masquerade’s face.

“No, I am saying I don’t have any power over the senti…”

Mayura felt a chill as she realized that the masquerade in front of her was not an akumatized Lila.

“Horrificator, block the door,” the Faux Masquerade commanded.

The pink and purple monster quickly moved to block the door with her large form.

The controlled akuma started circling around her as Simularé undid the illusion and morphed into its true specter form, Simularé.

“You ungrateful little monster. You think your master will be okay with you attacking one of the ones that gave her power?”

“My master doesn’t care about you or Hawkmoth. You are a means to an end. And she gave me special permission to take your miraculous from you.”

“Well if your master isn’t here, then no one is jamming the signal. I can contact Hawkmoth and put this little coup to an end.”

Simularé shifted into Lady Wifi.

“I have access to every power my master does. You are trapped with no options.” The sentimonster mocked.

Mayura looked around as she was circled by the controlled akuma. She needed to get out of there.

She felt a pain rush to her head.

‘F*** not now’ She mentally cursed.

The odds were indeed not in her favor.

______________________________________________________________________________

Stoneheart began charging at the bee themed heroine, and just as Queen Bee was about to move, a yo-yo wrapped around her waist and pulled her away from the monster.

The stone giant had expected his charge to make contact but forced himself to stop when he noticed the bee was gone.

“Sorry tiny, but I’m your playmate now,” called a cat-themed hero.

The mindless akuma didn’t visibly react to the change in foe and simply charged at the cat hero.

Queen Bee found herself near Ladybug.

“Chloé! What are you doing?!”

“Uh… Saving the day? I got the jewelry box that you sent out because you needed my help.”

“Jewelry box… wait a minute that means. You are wearing a miraculous.”

“Yep! Don’t worry LB, I will show you that I am worthy of being Queen Bee. And not to boast, but I totally saved someone. But right now, we gotta go beat that ugly pile of rubble.”

Ladybug looked at Chloé for a moment. With the situation as hectic as it was, Queen Bee has shown some competence when there is real danger. Ladybug knew that right now, all hands that could help would be appreciated, and Queen Bee’s appearance could mean that Fu may be closer than she expected. So maybe there were more reinforcements. So if this was the case. She would trust Fu’s judgement.

“Alright, just be ready to return the bee after all of this is over.”

“Right, right, but just know I will probably change your mind about that after this is over!” the bee exclaimed confidently as she jumped back into the fray.

Ladybug shook her head. Whether she was Queen Bee or Chloé, she was still a handful.

“Are you finished gossiping? Because I could REALLY use a hand!” Chat Noir shouted as he held his staff up to hold back the rock monster’s boulder of a fist.

Queen Bee and Ladybug jumped into view and noticed the situation.

“Don’t worry you stray cat, The Queen Bee will put that rock in his place. Ve…”

Ladybug covered Queen Bee’s mouth before she could.

“Hold it. We might need your power for later.”

“I think it would be useful now!” Chat Noir shouted as he struggled to hold the weight of the giant’s rocky hand.

“Okay if my powers are a no no right now, what is the plan?”

Ladybug looked around. She found her attention drawn to a fire extinguisher, Queen Bee, a rubber band, and a discarded backpack.

“Okay, I have a plan.”

______________________________________________________________________

Gabriel had made a decision.

He hurried out of the lair in his civilian form. He was going to head to the school. Now he would just need to get his chauffeur and go…

Gabriel’s eyes went wide as he saw his son’s bodyguard and chauffeur fall to the floor at the steps of the main entrance, a white mask adorning his face that he was desperately trying to get off.

“What is the meaning of this?” Gabriel asked aloud in shock and anger.

He looked to see the mask akuma he created standing at the door.

“Well, if it isn’t Gabriel Agreste. Fashion mogul, and master manipulator.”

Gabriel’s visible anger faded as he stared at the akuma.

“Lila, is that you?”

“Oh quite astute! An amazing deduction. Was it that observational skill that made you the fashion success you are now?” the akumatized Lila inquired. “Though I go by Masquerade now.”

Gabriel knew very well the girl’s powers. He was the one that gave it to her. She was trying to antagonize him, get him angry. But that would not work.

“Well Masquerade, what brings you to my home at this time?” Gabriel asked calmly. Doing his best to keep his tone and mannerisms calm.

“Oh, I was just in the neighborhood, finding more people to join my little army and I notice my charm glowing as I was getting near.”

Gabriel’s eyes went wide as he realized something. The charm bracelet was configured to locate anyone that has ever been akumatized. That included him. His ploy to ward suspicion off of himself was now biting him in the butt. And of course, Lila was likely holding a grudge with how he pushed her with his words about his son and his classmate.

“My bodyguard was akumatized. What of it?”

The silent action figure enthusiast stopped resisting and his body began growing. Gabriel noticed the man was transforming into the gorilla akuma. Gorizilla! And he rushed up the steps as the akuma moved and pounded his chest.

“Gorizilla, go gather up anyone who has been akumatized that you know of. I will handle Mr. Agreste myself.”

The giant akuma nodded at its master and headed off, leaving the agreste mansion with a giant hole that was once the front of the mansion.

“Handle me? And what do you plan to do?”

Masquerade’s necklace began to glow.

“Oh! Well that is very interesting,” Masquerade mused aloud as she learned from the glowing charm.

“What do you mean, interesting?” Gabriel asked. He knew that the charm had the bonus effect of pointing out the emotional weak points of those that had been akumatized. But he had PRETENDED to be angry and wasn’t actually emotional when the akuma took over. Did the charm still impact him the same way it did everyone else?

Masquerade started walking up the steps.

“You blame yourself for your wife’s passing.”

The statement was a blade pointed right at his throat. But Gabriel refused to react. He would not let himself be taken advantage of by his own akuma. He has been on the receiving end one too many times and he would be damned if he let that psychopath have control of him.

Masquerade saw that Gabriel was not reacting to the statement.

“I have never seen a man more miserable and pathetic,” Masquerade said. Her words sounded genuine and cutting.

Gabriel tried to turn around and walk away. But Masquerade jumped high with her superhuman agility and landed right in front of him, continuing her tearing down of his emotional state.

“All of this wealth and yet you are obsessed with what you don’t have. You are so blinded by the grief of losing your wife that everything else in your life may as well not exist. You locked yourself away, desperately trying to find something, anything that would bring her back. But now you are finding that color is starting to return in your life. You feel guilt over hiding the truth from your son, you loathe the attraction that you have been developing for another woman. You hate that you can’t dedicate every second to your lost wife and any speck of joy you feel without her here feels like treason since she is not here with you. You are a man so blind with his obsession that you fail to see the world doesn’t revolve around you. It's disgusting.”

“You know nothing of my life,” Gabriel dismissed.

But Masquerade knew he would say that. She only smiled. The truth was right in front of her. And she was ready to bring it home.

“You are actually terrified of facing her again.”

That shook Gabriel.

“What?”

“You are afraid of seeing her again. Whether it’s a year or 10 years, you feel that even if you could bring her back, she would be here and realize how much of a shell you had become without her. You are afraid that your obsession with her will be the very thing that drives her away once you see her again.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Then why haven’t you brought her back yet? Don’t you love her?”

Gabriel felt like his heart was being repeatedly punched.

“How dare you question my love for my wife!”

“Then why isn’t she here? If you loved her she wouldn’t have been taken from you and Adrien. But you were far too pathetic to do it. You failed her, and you are still failing her. You will never be with her again, and deep down. You know it to be true,” Masquerade answered coldly.

Those words were enough to get him down. That is what finally did him in.

Gabriel fell to his knees.

“No…”

Gabriel had broken. Masquerade knew she had him.

He was emotionally devastated, to the point where couldn’t even react to the mask coming his way.

____________________________________________________________

Well now things are now hitting their highest points of drama!

Will Ladybug and other heroes be able to stand up to Masquerade?

Will Mayura fall to Simularé's double cross?

Will I EVER update in time?

Tell me your thoughts on the chapter. Your support keeps it alive

#ml #ml fic #ml fanfic #soulmate survey #miraculous ladybug #ml fanfiction #drama #ladynoir #lukagami

[stephreynaart]

Gravity Falls - “Waiting”

Pop-Pop AU

Stan sits in a hospital waiting room, thinking about his life and the people he loves.

- - - -

This is kinda old, but I realized I never posted it on tumblr. Hope ya like it!

Lots of fluff, the only ships are Soos and Melody.

AO3 LINK

- - - -

It had a square aspect ratio. Ink pen and watercolor on white heat pressed cotton paper in a bland white frame. One single blue flower in a red vase with what looks like a yellowish shadow. One shadow going left, the other going right. The lack of confidence and inexperience was obvious, the lines were unfocused and jagged, the color plainly filled the shapes and gave no other visual interest to the image.

Below the frame was a small white card that read “Painting donated by Jessica Blaise from Gravity Falls Elementary School”

Stan scanned the painting at least 20 times while sitting in that chair. The too rough and too soft at the same time chair that had similar copies populating the almost white room he sat in. The wallpaper bouncing off light pinks and blues with tiny ducklings as a makeshift wainscoting was starting to irritate the old man. It was too bright, and the consistent buzz of the fluorescent lights seemed so loud. Stan adjusted himself in his chair, switching his crossed legs to a wider spread and leaned his head against the wall.

The only other stimulus in the room were a few posters promoting proper hand washing techniques, the play area with a small table and chairs with large blocks, crayons and that weird “game” with the metal wiring and wooden beads that’s in every waiting room Stan’s ever sat in. He played with the toys to give himself something to do after he read all the magazines. The novelty wore off fast.

The television mounted on the wall was airing some cooking channel with no sound and no subtitles. Looking at food when you haven’t eaten in a few hours was practically torture, so Stan had been averting his eyes.

There were other paintings on the wall, one was less of a painting, but instead a print of a painting. He doubted that the artist got any compensation from it, if they were still alive. The other was a charcoal drawing done by a student from the community college a town away. Another square, but the entire image was black, the brightest thing on the page was an intruding infant hand coming from the left with the arm fading into the dark background. The fingers seemingly mid-twitch and grabbing at something. The lighting was dynamic and interesting. Stan swore it was a drawing of a penis the first time he glanced at it, which resulted in his brother’s laughter. Stanley smiled at the memory, it was only a few hours ago, but he relishes any time he can make Stanford laugh.

Stan’s eyes darted at the door in the far corner when it opened suddenly. He eased back into his chair when the nurse crossed the room to talk with the receptionist. He couldn’t hear the conversation very well, but could tell they were just gossiping and making jokes. Nothing that was of his interest. So he looked back to the elementary school child’s painting and analyzed it again. His eyes were dry and he was tired. He wished he could sleep, the chair wasn’t comfortable enough and when he did managed to sleep, his neck was sore when he woke up. He was only lucky Ford let him use his shoulder as a pillow for a while. He looked to his left and noted the book his brother placed in the seat. It seemed thick and in what looked like Hebrew. Stan wasn’t very surprised Ford was fluent in the language they were acquainted with as children. Their grandparents on their father’s side were the last to be fully fluent in Hebrew. It was like his brother to be curious of their heritage, but Stan only remembered a few phrases and words he learned from holidays and special event when he had to recite anything in Temple.

Stan crossed his arms and glanced at the clock on the wall and let out an exasperated sigh. It had only been 10 minutes since he last checked the time. He wanted to be at home, be in his soft warm bed and getting ready to eat pancakes at this time in the morning.

He and Ford were on the porch of The Mystery Shack when Soos rushed them off to the hospital the yesterday afternoon. What he originally thought would be a couple of hours of waiting turned into almost twelve. Apparently labour can last a long time.

Stan wished he could be a witness for Soos and Melody like he was when Dipper and Mabel were born, but Melody wanted her privacy, which Stan could respect, but Soos wanted him there…..so he and Ford waited in this bright, annoyingly pastel waiting room, twiddling his thumbs awaiting the arrival of the new member of the mystery family. He was glad he was in at least comfortable clothes, some gray sweatpants and a sweater Mabel knitted for him that read “godfather”.

He was never clear on what the title entailed, but it was mentioned a few times by Soos’ grandmother and the kids insisted that Soos was intending to ask him. He hadn’t, but he didn’t protest Stan wearing the sweater. Whatever job godfathers had, he was willing to play the part if Soos were to ask him.

Stan looked at the double doors a few feet away that lead out of the waiting room and into the halls. His brother left to find something for them to eat, but was taking his sweet time. The turkey being basted on the television was no help in aiding his growling stomach.

He distracted himself by returning his thoughts to Soos and Melody. Just down the hall they were experiencing the strange and beautiful phenomenon that was witnessing the arrival of a brand new person. Stan remembered the feeling so clearly. His entire life he’s felt the presence of human beings. It’s inherent in most people to feel when someone is in the room with you, the other soul sharing the same space as you. Imagine being in a room with a set amount of people and someone else comes in, but imagine they came in without using a doorway. Just appearing seemingly out of thin air. Suddenly another person is with you, and they’re brand new to the world, a life full of potential and power. Yes, today is indeed a happy day, but no amount of positive thinking would ease Stan’s nerves. His foot began to bounce and his hands unconsciously began to fiddle with each other. He didn’t want to think anything would go wrong with Soos’ baby, but anything can happen and life is so fragile, especially at the start of it.

He recalled his nephew’s nervousness the day Dipper and Mabel were born. His hands were shaking and he was constantly checking on his wife and asking the doctors loads of questions. He didn’t fully understand the twins’ father’s behavior until the end of that day.

Mabel’s birth was swift and easy. Her mother only needed to push one and a half times before she was here. It was as if she was eager to meet everyone waiting for her. She cried like most babies do, but Stan could’ve sworn they were tears of joy. While Mabel was greeted with, “hello, beautiful”, “hi, sweetie” and “she’s perfect”, Her brother’s introduction to world started with, “what’s wrong?”, “wait, let me hold him”, and “he’s not moving”. Dipper was rushed out of the room before his mother got a chance to look at him. Stan managed to catch a glimpse of the horrifyingly blue tint on his great nephew’s tiny face. The memory still gave him chills. He remembered how much he wanted to hold Mabel, who began to fuss and cry, obviously missing her brother. He was terrified at the prospect of another incomplete set of twins in their family. After the longest 30 minute of his life, Stan’s great-nephew returned with a bright pink face, wailing with all the power his little lungs could produce. Once the twins were reunited in their mother’s arms, they settled down almost instantly. The doctors told their parents Dipper was significantly lighter in weight than his sister, but both were very strong and healthy. Every so often Stan thinks about Dipper and how much he has impacted his life. His thoughts lead to darker places and he questions if Ford would be here if Dipper wasn’t there to find the third journal. He shook his head as a cold shiver went up his spine.

Stan did his best to distract himself from revisiting the scare that Dipper caused him 16 years ago.

16 years…..17 in August

Stan blinked. The squishy, bright faces that stayed with him that first summer had changed significantly. They stayed in contact all year round and visited every summer since they were 12. But every in-person meeting was always a shock. Dipper was developing the square jaw Stan, both his brothers and nephew shared. He started to regularly wear glasses their second summer with the Stans. Poor kid will grow up looking like Filbrick like the rest of the Pines men. He reminded Stan of Ford at that age.

And Mabel…..

Stan will never get over how much she looks like his mother. It didn’t strike him until Soos and Melody’s wedding and she put her hair in a bun. She’s calmed her hyperactivity down a bit, but not by a lot, she still brightens his day with her wit and creativity. They’ve both matured physically, but not much has changed personality wise and they still acted like big children when they’re around each other. Stan loved them very much, and wished he could see them more often. He wondered what the future held for all of them. Would they still visit town after going to college? Would they move here? Or somewhere else?

He’s had several conversations with them to see how they’re managing the prospect of separating. They’re much better at communicating than he and Ford were and they seem actually excited to have some independence. It made Stan nervous, but he was sure their close relationship wouldn’t suffer.

Wendy chose to be elsewhere for the next few years. She and her friends booked a plane ticket and plan to backpack and hitchhike around Europe and the UK. Stan hopes they stay safe and watch out for each other. Lotta weirdos in Amsterdam. She was set to leave in the coming days, Wendy wanted to wait until today arrived so she could meet Soos and Melody’s kid before going away for who knows how long.

A tap on the shoulder woke Stan from his deep thoughts. His brother arrived with some warm sub sandwiches and coffee.

“Any word yet?, he asked Stan

“Nothin’ yet”, Stan felt helpless not having any clue how Soos and Melody were doing.

Stanford took his seat next to Stanley and they both silently enjoyed their late breakfast. Since arriving they’ve witnessed families reuniting and going past the door in the far corner to meet their children, grandchildren or siblings. Stan looked at the clock again. How has it only been another 5 minutes? He sighed, leaned back and finished the rest of his sub. One hand holding the sandwich, the other went back to gripping the arm rest, then a six fingered hand went down to rest on top of it. Stan let go of the armrest and tangled his fingers between Ford’s and held onto it with a, hopefully not too tight, grip. It was like an anchor to reality, much better at easing his anxieties than any words could. Over the past 4 years, Stan and Ford’s bond grew stronger. Stan still feared one day he would wake up and find himself still in that basement surrounded by broken machinery and languages he didn’t understand. He hasn’t yet, and was enjoying the time he had left with his twin. Stan took a moment to look at his brother again, Ford made eye contact and smiled then continued to read his book. Hands still intertwined

Stans thoughts went back to Soos…

It amazed Stan how much he had grown and it still baffled him that Soos idolized him as much as he does. Before Soos, Stan had no one. His brother was….gone, the rest of the family didn’t talk to him much outside of the holidays and special occasion. There hadn’t been any sense of consistency in Stan’s life for years, decades even, until he hired the chubby little kid he barely glanced at one random Saturday. Soos always arrived to work early, sometimes with breakfast for both of them. Stan didn’t know how much he needed a reliable companion until he had it and he enjoyed the 10 years he had with that kid… or man he should say. Here he was…a few rooms away, becoming a father.

Stan used to daydream a lot about the prospect of having kids when he was younger. He’s was always good with them when he had the chance to babysit his nephew, then later Dipper and Mabel when they were toddlers. He loved having kids in his house that first summer. He loved the energy and the sense of adventure the twins brought. They gave him a sense of purpose and belonging he hadn’t felt in years. He wished he was brave enough to have his own children. Not that he was ever with anyone long enough to want to have kids with him. He supposed it was for the best that he didn’t subject a child to homelessness or an unhappy marriage. He was also terrified at the idea. His dad used to say having kids ruined his life. He wondered who his father was before his older brother was born. Did they really ruin his life? Stan often wondered if he would be like his own dad if he has children of his own. Would he change and become that annoyed parent that resenting his children?

He thought about Soos again

That was probably the closest to parenthood he ever experienced. The first time he felt like one was when Soos asked him for homework help after closing. He initially told Soos no, he wasn’t exactly smart and didn’t think he would be any help. It apparently upset the kid, so Stan sighed and gave it a try. It was fairly simple middle school math, he didn’t remember everything, but helped Soos do more than half of it. Soos thanked him and went home happy. Stan felt weirdly proud, he was glad he made a small difference and managed to teach Soos something he didn’t even know he knew.

The second time was when Soos was a teenager. His grandmother wasn’t able to teach Soos to drive, since she had forgotten how and her late husband used to do the driving, she mostly walked everywhere. Soos offered to work for free so Stan could teach him. Stan loved driving and found teaching Soos cathartic. He was a fast and eager learner, he only bumped Stan’s car once while trying to figure out parallel parking. Little did Soos know that he was getting paid for his normal work hours. Stan just put it away long enough to help buy the kid some old used truck in the junkyard for getting his license. They fixed the truck up and in only a few weeks it was ready to be on the road. Soos has taken good care of it and it’s still his ride to this day

Stan was very proud of Soos. He taught the kid some basic self defense and managed to be a decent influence in his life. Soos at least has his priorities straight.

Stan was even glad to see that Soos was willing to question him. When the portal was reaching the final countdown, he didn’t hesitate to protect the kids from him when he thought Stan was dangerous. He didn’t know, none of them did, so he didn’t blame Soos for distrusting him. He hoped he never had to betray him again. They both had crappy dads, and Stan knew how Soos saw him. Stan was never really sure if he reciprocated those feelings. It felt natural to act the part, but to put a label as important as “dad” on Stan was daunting. Soos definitely deserves better than what he was given, Stan wasn’t sure if he was it.

Stan looked up at the familiar voices running towards him from the double doors.

“Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Ford!” Mabel waved to them

The two teenagers and Wendy walked in holding a balloon and various toys. They took some seats across from the Stans and asked how everyone was doing and if the baby arrived yet.

“Not yet, hopefully soon” Ford answered

Stan relaxed and silently enjoyed his family’s company. He laid his head back and leaned slightly on Ford to rest for a minute. His eyes shut as he listened to the kids joke around and talk amongst themselves. He squeezed Ford’s hand one more time before drifting off.

He knew he should’ve tried sleeping earlier, he wasn’t out for more than 15 minutes when Soos came into the waiting room. Stan’s eyes shot open and he was on his feet faster than he did when he was being chased by angry costumers as a door to door salesman. Soos’ red eyes sagged and he seemed exhausted, but carried a proud, wide smile across his face. He sniffed and wiped his eyes.

“It’s a boy”, he squeaked, “mom and baby are okay”

Dipper and Mabel were first to start the hugs, and the room filled with cheers of congratulations and love. Stan felt light as a feather giving Soos a hug and joking about child labor.

“Can we see him?”, Mabel bounced with anticipation

“Yeah, dudes!”, Soos gestured everyone past the corner door and into the suite. “But only for a little while, Melody has to sleep”

The room was small, dimly lit and warm. The Pines crew collectively lowered their voices as Melody came into view on the bedding holding a bundle of blankets decorated with small yellow ducklings. She was leaned back on a large pillow, covered in blankets and toted a soft smile on her face. Soos stroked her hair and picked up his little son to show to the Pines’. The younger twins got a look at him first,

Mabel squealed and cooed at the tiny infant. Then Wendy, who said hi to the baby and told Soos she’d make sure to send him gifts while she was away

“What’s his name?”, Mabel asked Melody

“I named him after my dad”, Melody replied, “Jacob”. She smiled sadly at the memory of the father she lost the year before.

Soos approached the Stans, Ford smiled and complimented the couple on a having such beautiful little boy, but shot Soos a look, who silently replied with another one. Something was up.

Finally Stan got a look at baby Jacob. “Wow” Stan smiled, patting Soos’ arm. “He looks exactly like you”

Soos laughed, “really? I think he looks like Melody”, there was a short silence before Soos spoke up again.

“Do you want to hold him, Mr Pines?”

Stan looked at Soos and smiled, “heh, sure”. He held his arms out. Soos lowered his arms to pass the baby to Stan, who scrunched his face up and started to fuss. Stan took the infant and managed to hold him with one arm. He bounced and shushed little Jacob until he calmed down. “Heya kid”, He’s held babies dozens of times, but something felt different about this one. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but Stan felt an almost magnetic pull towards him. Jacob settled comfortably against Stan and continued his rest. Stan softly beamed at the tiny person in his arms.

“Hey, Stan?”

Stan lifted an eyebrow and looked at Soos, who was fidgeting with his hands and nervously smiling.

“Uh..”, he paused, taking in the sight of Stan holding his child. “You know about my dad”, Soos looked at Ford again, who shrugged and nodded. Stan studied Ford’s face, who’s eyes strayed away as he hid a small smile. Soos got his attention again.

“You uh…he wasn’t…”, Soos choked up, his voice strained a bit, “I met you when I was probably the loneliest I ever was in my entire life”. Stan pictured the little boy he hired on the spot, he didn’t remember him until Soos showed up at his door step the next day ready to work. He didn’t know how much that quick, thoughtless decision would change his life.

Soos perked up and walked across the room to a table and picked up the piece of paper sitting on it. Soos glanced at it, then at Stan and smiled, gaining some emotional strength it seemed.

“You mean a lot me”, Soos, “you were there when I really needed it, you gave me a job, taught me just about everything I know. I don’t think I ever thanked you for that”

Stan got a bit nervous, Was this him asking to be the godfather?Everyone was silent and curiously watching. Soos held his hand out and handed the paper to Stan. He adjusted his arm to properly hold Jacob in his arm and took it. Stan flipped the page and noticed it was the baby’s birth certificate. Stan eyes bounced off the page and read the various information: birthdate, weight, parents, but he froze when he read the full name. Stan’s wide eyes questioningly studied Soos’ face.

“Are you…”, Stan felt his own throat tightening, crap. Come on, not in front of everyone “really?”, he asked. Soos gave a genuine nod and sniffed.

“I uh” Soos cleared his throat, “I was wondering, since Jacob doesn’t have one…if you wanted to be…. his grandpa?

There it was

Stan felt dizzy and took a small step back before remembering who was in his hands and regained his balance. Ford came to his side and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Stan decide not to look at his brother and chose to stare forward, then his eyes went back to Soos, who look deflated. Oh man. Stan was terrified, he didn’t want to say no and hurt Soos, but if he said yes….he wasn’t sure what made him so nervous. The entire concept sounded so alien to him, like he didn’t deserve the title. He always considered Soos, Melody and their son a part of his family. But to bare a title like “grandpa”, had to mean he had children that that children. That he was already a parent without his knowledge. It all felt so natural to want to lean into this and become part of this family like Soos wanted.

He heard something make a noise from beneath himself. Stan looked down at little Jacob, who was mid yawn. The baby’s mouth grew wide opens and inhaled, scrunching up his face and suddenly shut. Suddenly two tiny eyes opened for just a few seconds, enough time for Stan to make eye contact before Jacob shut them and got comfortable again

Everything was different now.

Stan didn’t notice how quiet the room had gotten nor the tears forming in his eyes. Stunned by beauty and overcome with pride and a sense of purpose. The pride he felt teaching Soos math, how to drive and attending his graduation all combined just looking at the perfect being in his arms. If he said yes, he would want everything that came with it. Stan lifted the birth certificate up to read the name again.

Jacob Stanley Ramirez

“Y-Yes”, he heard a shaken voice say, almost not realizing it was his own “of course”. He looked at Soos, tears in his eyes and a bright smile on his face. He still wasn’t sure if he deserved this, but Stan wanted it. He wanted it all. Why not indulge just this once? He gave the certificate to Ford and used his now free hand to pull Soos into a hug. Gently sandwiching his…..grandson in between him……and his son.

#gravity falls #gravity falls fan fiction #stanley pines #stanford pines #soos ramirez #melody #mabel pines #dipper pines #wendy corduroy #pop pop au #poppop!stan #dad!soos #dad!stan

[on-stardust-wings]

Okay, so I've been thinking about hyperfocus. (Probably warrants the disclaimer that I've never been diagnosed with anything, but at this point I'm pretty sure there's something non-neurotypical going on between my ears, and, among other things, people's descriptions of hyperfocus always really click with me as something I experience?)

Just in the last week, there have been several instances where it fit. I wrote 6k words of fic in one sitting (literally, I did not get up though it) last Sunday, and when I was done I realized I'm really fucking thirsty, I hadn't eaten since breakfast, I had no idea what time it was but apparently it was dark out, huh, my shoulders and neck were really stiff and sore, my foot was asleep because I'd been sitting on it again because I can't sit like a normal person and I should have probably been to the bathroom an hour ago. The other day, I spontaneously decided that I want my window screen thingies to be blue to fit with the rest of my bedroom, so I dug out some paint and drew on them, for several hours on a workday evening. At least since I was working on it in the kitchen, I managed to very distractedly eat something on the side, yay?

But that's not really the point I was meaning to make. Or, I was wondering why that's the main point everyone seems to be making about this kind of thing. "I got lost in The Project and forgot basic needs exist." That's the point you read in Tumblr posts about it, and, yeah, relatable, but that's like the least remarkable thing about it to me?

You read about enjoying a hyperfixation, yes. But enjoying hyperfocus? At least I've never seen the take.

But I do. Enjoy them, these weird moods. They're fucking awesome. Yes, I forget to eat and drink and stuff on a fairly regular basis when I get caught up in something, but that's so secondary to the experience to me? Like, it's so much fun to get completely lost in something? I love it. I love to exist just in the scene I'm writing, or the book I'm reading, or the weird, eccentric art project I've spontaneously had to start in my kitchen on a Thursday afternoon. But it's fun! It's fulfilling! 6k words of amazing fic I can't wait to share! (It's got very cool stuff about magical elements!) My very old white window dressings are now blue with green and blue dinosaurs on them! They look neat!

To be perfectly fair I've lost hours on cleaning my bathroom and resorting my cupboards, but, even that was, just, you know, deeply satisfying? There's so much pleasure to doing the thing I'm excited about, and then I look at what I did and it's a thing I made wow how cool is that. (I've done plenty of weird and silly projects, but I tend to enjoy the results almost as much as the process, so that's a win?)

Like, there are very few things as pleasurable and fun as a good Getting Lost in The Project thing. It's so cool to have everything else fall away. My brain is often like at least five different thoughts running away in different directions, but this? This in one thought, laser-sharp and with purpose that knows where it wants to go, and I pretty much always like where it goes. (That's where the essays come from, too. Thought zeroed in on something and now it has aim and cannot be deterred until it gets to its destination.)

And then there's the After. Yes, the sore muscles and thirsty and starving and exhausted thing. I like that, too? I've described it to a friend once, relating to writing but honestly it applies to other things, as a "writing afterglow". Tired, worn out, but deeply satisfied, like whatever mad energy was driving The Project has been burned out, but the emptiness is relieving? Feeling light and heavy at once? A (mostly) mental equivalent to that satisfying tiredness you'll get after a nice day out, the pleasant sort of tiredness? (Sometimes with writing or reading there's the "my soul has been pulled through a meat grinder" thing, but I think that's emotionally taxing subjects, not the activities themselves.)

Anyway, A++ feeling, love it, wouldn't want to miss it for the world. After the last mad writing session, I spent a substantial amount of time sitting on the floor of the shower, letting the water fall on my neck and shoulders to fix what I'd done to the poor things, but, it was so peaceful? Very nice.

I'm the opposite of "no thoughts, head empty". My brain is always full, often it feels too full, and it won't ever shut up. It's often fun, I like thinking thoughts about things, but it's also exhausting because it never ever stops.

It takes a break after one of those episodes. It'll let me sit in the shower, feeling the drops of water and the contentment of "I accomplished a thing that was a lot of fun" and that's all that's in my head. I've had troubles sleeping all my life, and I never fall asleep as well as on a night like this.

So. Hyperfocus. I like it. It's awesome. Please tell me I'm not alone on this.

#personal #I think this might be #adhd #or something like it? #I dunno #hyperfocus #brains are weird #writing #p+a

[theclockworkmonk]

Desire and Will

This is the most popular fic in my "Aang/Katara Missing Moments" series on AO3. This is the first time I'm posting it to tumblr.

Summary: With Aang still having trouble letting loose with his firebending, Zuko asks an alarming question:

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

Words: 3,944

Read on AO3

FF.net

*******

Katara was awoken by what was, to her, the scariest sound in the world: the sound of Aang in pain.

"OW!" she heard him cry out, and she wrenched her eyelids open and rolled to face where his voice was coming from. There, she saw Aang still laying on the ground where he had been sleeping, rubbing his backside like it had been kicked. Towering over him, fists clenched and face scowling...was Zuko.

A jolt a fear cut through Katara's still half-asleep mind as she reached over for her bending skin and flicked it open with her thumb. She was ready to fight, ready to—

"You're burning daylight!" Zuko barked at Aang, "Get up! Twenty hot squats, now!"

Katara's sleep fog finally cleared and she remembered why Zuko was here in their camp. She remembered their whole reluctant arrangement to have Zuko teach Aang firebending, and the nerve-wracking few days they had disappeared together and apparently danced with dragons.

Katara groggily collapsed back onto her pillow, too tired to even growl at Zuko that the rest of them didn't have to train to defeat his evil dad, thankyouverymuch, so maybe bark his orders more quietly at absurd hours in the morning.

Aang seemed to be feeling the same way, because he just moaned in response. Zuko squatted down next to Aang and pointed out into the canyon that contained the Western Air Temple, where the sky was already turning blood red.

"You see that? That's sunrise, Avatar. That's the sign of a firebender's inner strength coming to life with a new day." He grabbed Aang by the shoulder and started shaking him, "Can you feel it, Aang? Can you feel your inner fire starting to reignite?"

"No," grunted Aang plainly.

Katara was remembering more now, and becoming more annoyed. Right, what had Zuko said to her at the north pole? "You rise with the moon, I rise with the sun?" of course it made perfect sense that on top of being cruel, bloodthirsty monsters, firebenders were also something far worse: morning people. Ugh, did this mean that Aang was also going to be a morning person from now on?

"Well we've got to fix that," said Zuko, and he practically dragged Aang to his feet and started pushing him off towards the courtyard that they used to train, that jutted out from underneath the rock overhang so they were actually in the sun. With their sleeping area quiet again, Katara tried to go back to sleep, but now the knowledge that Aang was off with Zuko, alone, at the other end of the temple was nagging at her brain. It wasn't like she thought Zuko would suddenly attack him or something; she had accepted by now that this wasn't some kind of absurdly elaborate plot against them—mainly because she didn't think Zuko was clever enough to pull off something like that. But still, whenever she thought about Aang with no one around him but Zuko, she found that she...didn't like it.

After a few minutes, she accepted that she wasn't getting any more sleep, so she got herself up and started making her way in the same direction Zuko and Aang had gone. As she was rounding the last corner before the courtyard, she started to hear their voices.

"So if my firebending wakes me up with the sun, and my waterbending keeps me up with the moon, when exactly am I supposed to sleep?"

"You slept for a hundred years, isn't that enough?"

Aang laughed, but Katara recognized it as his uncomfortable laugh. Aang never liked being reminded of all that time he wasn't there for the world, which Zuko would know if he wasn't such a heartless jerk and a terrible teacher. The fact that he barely knew Aang and had no way of knowing what he was uncomfortable with was entirely beside the point.

Katara decided to not announce her presence and instead leaned against one of the stone pillars within the shade of the overhang, while they were out in the increasingly bright morning sun. She was far enough away and in enough shade that they were unlikely to notice her, but if they did happen to look her way then she could plausibly deny she was snooping. She didn't like the idea of leaving Aang alone with Zuko, but she still realized hovering would interfere with them. Aang was always trying to impress her and Zuko was still visibly terrified of her ever since she threatened to kill him the day he joined their team (which she definitely didn't take any pride in).

Aang and Zuko finished their warm-ups and faced a target at the far end of the courtyard, a few wooden logs they had haphazardly nailed together in the vague shape of a human.

"Okay, let's see if that trip to almost get eaten by dragons was worth it," said Zuko, "set your stance..."

Aang positioned himself in a sideways battle stance in opposition to the dummy.

"Now, control your breathing…"

Aang drew in a deep breath and slowly released it.

"Now…STRIKE!"

Aang punched his right first towards the dummy, and a single fireball erupted from his knuckles, traveling about 10 yards to the dummy, briefly engulfing it in flames before dissipating. After the fire and smoke had quickly cleared, Katara saw that the dummy was slightly singed, with a few spots glowing orange for a few seconds before cooling down. Katara could feel the heat of the blast from where she was standing.

Zuko, however, didn't look impressed, "Well that was...certainly better, I guess."

"You guess!?" Aang incredulously asked out loud, and Katara incredulously asked in her head at the same time, "Come on, that was the biggest blast I've ever made!"

"Yeah, and if you were any other novice, we'd call that a really promising start. Heck, you might even be called a prodigy. People would be saying you could become a master in just a few years."

Aang's shoulders slumped in disappointment.

"But we don't have a few years, obviously, so sorry, but we need to find a way to fast-track this."

Aang threw his hands in the air, "Well what more can I possibly do!"

Zuko frowned and rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "Well to be honest, I think you're still being too timid and restrained. You're certainly doing a lot better than before our trip, but I still sense a lot of energy in you that you're not letting out."

Aang looked confused and started to get defensive, "Well of course I'm holding a little back, I'm trying to stay in control! Jong Jong said that firebending requires constant discipline or fire will destroy you. He didn't even let me shoot fire, he had me try to stop a bit of fire from growing, and when I didn't listen to him—" Aang managed to cut off his own rambling and managed to take a deep breath and closed his eyes, "that was when I burned Katara."

Zuko's face cycled through several different expressions as a lot of things suddenly started making sense.

"...Oh," was the only thing he could say.

Aang continued, "I hated that version of myself, even more than when I've gone into the Avatar State. After that, I promised myself I would never firebend at all!"

Katara tried to keep track of all the different emotions she was feeling. She was touched by the fact that Aang cared about her so much that the memory of hurting her still got him to be this upset, annoyed at him for being this worked up over something that happened months ago, she had long since forgiven, and was really not important in the context of their mission, and guilty that her getting hurt and the way she reacted had caused him this much heartache, even while she knew that she hadn't really done anything wrong.

Zuko sighed, raised his hand, and after a few seconds of hesitation, lightly patted Aang's shoulder in the most awkward, panicked "there-there" gesture Katara had ever seen.

"Look Aang," said Zuko, "I can't speak to what this 'Jong Jong' guy taught you. Maybe his way is better, I don't know, but it sounds like it takes a lot longer, and we don't have the luxury of being patient and deliberate about this."

He pulled on Aang's shoulder and turned him around so he would stop looking at his feet in self-pity and look his teacher in the face again, "The people of the world don't need their Avatar to be a wizened sage right now, they need a stick of dynamite."

Zuko took a few steps away and tried his best to pretend to be a wizened sage himself, "I can only teach you how I was taught, and I was taught that even when it's not fuelled by anger and rage, all firebending is still fuelled by strong emotion. When teaching me about the elements, my uncle said—let's see if I can get this right…"

He started rubbing his hand on an invisible large belly, stroking an invisible beard, and speaking in an old man's raspy voice in his best impersonation of his uncle.

"Fire is the element of Power. The people of the Fire Nation have Desire and Will, and the energy and drive to achieve what they want."

Aang chuckled at the impression, his mood clearly improving, while Zuko looked really impressed with himself. Katara wouldn't have been surprised to learn that this was the first time in his life the dour prince had made someone laugh.

"See what I mean? Remember what we learned with the dragons. Fire is Life. And passion for life is what fuels firebending. You need to stop thinking like a monk and use your passion."

Aang didn't look frustrated or dejected anymore, but he did look puzzled.

"Um...okay," Aang said, thoughtfully scratching his head, "How am I supposed to do that?"

Now it was Zuko's turn to get frustrated. He hadn't anticipated one of his jobs as a teacher being having to explain how to feel things to this guy. That was something he was not qualified for.

"I don't know," said Zuko, not hiding the annoyance in his voice, "just think about it. Try to recreate those emotions when you're channeling your energy for your bending, and it might make your firebending more powerful. Hasn't there ever been something you...desired? Coveted, even? Something that you needed to have or to win more than anything?"

Katara almost laughed out loud, boy are you barking up the wrong tree.

Aang spent a few seconds earnestly considering Zuko's question, "I don't think so. My people believed that worldly material possessions were meaningless, and attachment to them was the source of suffering. We didn't really have anything beyond what we needed and a few toys that we shared. I played games with all my friends, but I didn't really care much if I won, I just tried to make sure everybody had fun."

Katara was grinning at what an unbelievable dork the mighty savior of the world was.

Zuko, however, groaned and dragged both hands down his face, "Yeah, of course you did." It seemed to Katara that this was the first time Zuko was having to relate to someone who was actually a good person.

Aang just shrugged at Zuko's exasperation, "Sorry, hotman."

"Stop calling me that!" Zuko thought for several more seconds before his eyes lit up and he snapped his fingers with an idea, but then immediately looked like he regretted having the idea, and started looking deeply uncomfortable.

"Hey...can I ask you a personal question? It's going to sound weird and unrelated, but just trust me, okay?"

Aang raised an eyebrow, "Uh….sure?"

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

Aang's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, his face turning bright pink, and Katara's heart seemed to stop in its tracks.

After what seemed like an eternity, Aang finally found his voice again, but all he could manage was a weak, "Uh...what?"

"Just bear with me for a second," pressed Zuko.

"Um," Aang squeaked, "Yes. Yes I have." and his face moved past pink into deep scarlet.

"Okay," breathed Zuko, "Now, I know I'm sounding like a gossiping school girl, but I promise I'm going somewhere with this. Ugh."

He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose, like this conversation was physically painful. "Tell me about your first kiss," he finished in a too-deep voice, very transparently overcompensating.

Katara was positively screaming inside her own head, No Aang, do not, under ANY circumstances, tell him about your first kiss.

She felt like her heart and stomach had completely removed from her body. She refused to believe that these were the circumstances where The Incident between she and Aang was finally getting verbalized. Aang hadn't even bothered to talk to her about it yet, there was no way he was going to spill it all to Zuko. The fact that the main reason Aang hadn't talked to her about it was the fact that she had been avoiding him non-stop was entirely beside the point.

Katara started running through a hundred scenarios to try to find some way to stop this conversation. Should she rush in and pretend to be sick? Say that they're under attack? Just stay hidden and bloodbend them both unconscious? But before she could decide on one, to her horror, Aang started talking.

"Well," Aang began, his cheeks still red, "it was back at the Southern Air Temple—"

All of Katara's panic seemed to instantly vanish and be replaced with confusion.

Wait, what? Why is he telling him that? Katara thought, We barely knew each other at the Southern Temple….Does he THINK we kissed at the Southern Temple? I guess that would explain a lot. Did he hallucinate or something while in the Avatar State—

"—and she was part of a visiting caravan."

….Oh.

Oh.

"We got along really well while she was there, she was really good at all of my favorite games, and while we were saying goodbye she just kissed me."

OH.

"By the time I realized what was going on, she just giggled and jumped up on her bison."

Katara was simultaneously feeling unbelievable relief that her big secret wasn't being talked about and unbelievable white-hot fury at Aang. She had just spent several weeks believing that her first kiss had also been Aang's, and now she finds out that she's just the latest? Latest of how many? Exactly how friendly had he gotten with those fangirls on Kyoshi Island? She was two years older than him, by all rights she should be on at least equal footing with him in this mess between them, who gave him permission to have more experience with kissing than her? The fact that he had never once told her that he had never kissed a girl before was entirely beside the point.

But Katara cycled through all these thoughts in just a split second before calming herself down and realizing that she had no reason to care about this. What did it matter if Aang had kissed some girl a hundred years ago? It's not like she thought of Aang that way. Aang had clearly just misunderstood her platonic affections. It's not like she had ever seriously thought about kissing him (especially not during some of the more recent times she had kissed him on the cheek). In fact, she doubted that even he had given any serious thought to kissing. He just had a little crush and the intensity of the moment got to his head. So this is fine.

It's fine.

Seriously, it's fine.

It's completely fine. Whatever she was feeling certainly wasn't jeal—

"Wait, she kissed you?" Zuko interrupted Aang's rambling and yanked Katara back to reality, "I asked you if you had ever kissed a girl."

"Well you also asked me to tell you about my first kiss!" Aang yelled with his hands in the air, frustrated again, "Which one is it!" He was clearly angry that in his panic he had revealed an embarrassing story for no reason.

Zuko put his palms up defensively, "Okay, okay, sorry, bad wording on my part. So, to clarify: have you ever kissed someone else? Have you ever been the one to take the initiative?"

Katara's heart started racing again. Why couldn't Zuko get distracted and drop this?

"Um…" Aang's face had been red before, but now all the color seemed to drain from it and he looked like a ghost, "...yes. But I don't think dwelling on that will help fix my problem. In fact, it's kind of a downer, actually."

"Why, was she an airbender too?" Zuko asked. He supposed dwelling on a girl he had feelings for that had been killed a hundred years ago would be counterproductive in fueling Aang's inner fire.

Despite how angry she had gotten at Aang's kissing experience, Katara now found herself hoping this girl was another airbender.

"No," Aang responded, rubbing the back of his neck, "this was after I came out of the ice. Pretty recent, in fact…"

No such luck.

"Okay, so what's the problem?" asked Zuko.

"Well...it didn't exactly work out well for me. She didn't really kiss me back."

Katara scowled, well that's not fair, she thought with more than a little bitterness. It's not like she had a chance to. You're not allowed to act upset if someone doesn't kiss you back when you spring a kiss on them with no warning and then fly away before they even know what's going on. If he hadn't been so dramatic and used his actual words then she would have—

Katara let out a gasp of fear at where her train of thought was leading her. She would have….what, exactly? If she had known the kiss was coming ahead of time, what would she have done? Let him down easy? Told him to focus on the mission? Thrown him into the ocean?...or would she have kissed him back?

No.

Well…

Certainly not.

Maybe?

Perhaps if they tried again wow where did THAT thought come from?

Meanwhile, back in reality, Zuko was waving away Aang's concerns, "That doesn't matter. Don't think about anything that happened afterward. Just bring yourself back to that one moment, where you overcame caution and went after what you wanted. Set your stance."

Aang faced the dummy and resumed his fighting stance.

Katara couldn't help but inch a little closer away from her "hiding" spot. Now that Zuko had stopped pressing Aang for details and was doing his job, she felt like she could observe with a nervous curiosity instead of outright panic.

"Now," instructed Zuko, "take a deep breath, close your eyes, and picture this girl, how she looked in that moment."

Aang's eyes closed and drew in a breath.

Katara swallowed hard. At this moment, there was no more uncertainty about Aang. He was thinking about her, in that way, right now. And that knowledge made her hold her breath and made her face get a little warm.

"Try to remember how you felt immediately beforehand. How she made you feel. Try to recreate how your heartbeat was affected. It's starting to get faster and harder. How your breathing changed—remember, it's your breath that creates energy in the body for firebending. Yours is getting shallower and more intense. Remember how your stomach muscles reacted. They're tensing in anticipation. Now, in your mind's eye, make your move and kiss her, and at the same time….STRIKE!"

Aang punched his right fist towards the dummy, and his hand exploded.

There was no whoosh like with the previous fireball, but a roar as a conical wave of fire erupted from Aang's knuckles, completely enveloping the dummy 10 yards away and continuing onward to blast past the outer railing of the stone courtyard into the vast expanse of the canyon. And to Katara's alarm, it kept going. It wasn't a single blast but a continuous, monstrous stream of fire easily 15 feet wide at its biggest and so hot that Katara had to turn away and shield her eyes.

Several seconds later, the flames finally died down and Aang blinked his eyes open, looking equal parts proud and terrified of himself. The wooden dummy….did not exist anymore. There was no way to tell if Aang had burned it to ashes or simply blasted it backwards into the canyon. The previously white stones that made up the part of the courtyard that had been in front of Aang were now blackened and cracked.

Zuko had reflexively thrown up his arms to shield his face, stumbling backward. He was still sitting on the ground, eyes widened to the size of Appa's, and his mouth hanging open in shock. He sat there for several more silent seconds until Aang gave an awkward cough, then his face split into the biggest grin Katara had ever seen on him and he started cackling with delirious relief and excitement.

"All right!" Zuko exclaimed, jumping to his feet, "Now that's what I'm talking about!" he loudly clapped his hand on Aang's back, who had returned to looking embarrassed.

"No, don't you clam up again," warned Zuko, "hold onto that feeling. Come on, I'll show you how to make a flame whip."

Katara slinked backward away from her pillar and began a very undignified scurry back to their sleeping area. The fire had long since dissipated, but her face still felt hot and flustered, and her stomach felt like it was doing somersaults. Her mind was filled up by the same three words, repeating over and over again:

I did that.

Thinking about her made Aang able to do that. She could no longer simplify things by telling herself that this was just a confusing crush he had let get to his head. For most of the time she had known Aang, the thought that he would have any….desires like that for anyone simply didn't compute for her. He was too selfless, too kind, too pure. He was a monk for crying out loud.

But what she just saw Zuko coax out of her sweet, innocent friend was….not pure. Had he had this inside of him the entire time? And what brought this out of him was thinking about her. Thinking about kissing her. As much as she tried to deny it, when she thought about this power she had over him….she liked it. She was now able to see Aang in a new light, and at least consider the possibility of being more than friends with him.

But she still fought against it, because that realization was absolutely terrifying.

Katara shook her head and splashed some of her bending water on her face. She resolved to keep doing what she had been doing: focusing on their mission. She could sort out all this confusion when the war was over.

Although….

If the goal was to help Aang defeat the Fire Lord and end the war, then naturally they all had an obligation to assist Aang with his bending in any way they could, right? So she supposed it couldn't hurt to give Aang the occasional extra-tight hug now and then. Purely for training purposes, of course.

After all, she thought with a slight smirk as she arrived back at camp, everyone else still sound asleep, what kind of teacher would I be if I didn't give my student the attention he needed?

#kataang #aang x katara #katara and aang #avatar aang #aang #katara #zuko #avatar #avatar: the last airbender #avatar: tla #atla #atla fanfic #missing scene #one shot #feelings #tsundere #avatar fanfiction

[candy-and-writing]

Not About Angels

Summary: while on a mission to take out a HYDRA base, the Avengers find someone they never expected to. She's scared, traumatized, and helping her seems almost hopeless. But two certain supersoldiers won't give up on her

Not About Angels by Birdy

Series Warnings (more to be added): PTSD, non-con, torture, rape, past rape, smut, Steve x Reader x Bucky, stucky x reader

Chapter Warnings: allusions to rape, allusions to and mentions of PTSD, allusions to and mention of torture, abuse, sex slavery, soft! Bucky, hurt reader, emotional abuse, fingering

This is for @crushedbyhyperbole 's 200 follower challenge! I picked the prompt "darker than the devil himself." The prompt is in bold

I am NOT responsible for your media content consumption. This work is not intended for those under the age of 18 due to explicit sexual content and/or dark themes. By reading this work you agree that you are at least 18 years of age. I do not consent to have my work posted on any third party app or website; if you are seeing this work anywhere other than tumblr and archiveofourown, it has been reposted without my permission.

You wake to the sound of an explosion. It rattles the solid concrete walls, causing the old metal bed frame you're laying on jostle. You can hear gunshots, people yelling in both Russian and English. You go to move off the bed, but are stopped by the chain around your wrist.

Shit.

The shouting gets louder and louder until a gun goes off in front of your room, the bullet breaking the lock off the door. The metal door is pushed open and a man marches in, gun in hand and a stern look on his face. You've seen him before, you realize, a long time ago. With his long dark hair and striking blue eyes. The soldier with the metal arm.

His shoulders relax as he lowers the gun, his gaze fixed on you as his eyes soften in confusion. You stay rooted on the bed, your knees drawn up and your hands at your sides.

"You aren't a soldier, are you," he says like he already knew the answer to the question. You shake your head carefully, your eyes wide as you watch him approach you. You're tempted to move back, but you don't. Something—against your better judgement—keeps you rooted in place. You watch him grip the chain connecting you to the bed and snap it, letting you free. "C'mon, we don't got a lot of time. You got a coat?"

You shake your head again and he sighs, grabbing the thin blanket off your bed and wrapping it around your shoulders. He takes your hand, pulling you out of the room.

There are bodies everywhere. Blood everywhere else. You step in it, your bare feet trailing sticky red footprints in your wake.

You had never been to this part of the base before, so close to the entrance. Your room was far below ground and you only left to take a shower. It was cold up here.

You stop at the threshold of the base, watching the man with the metal arm step out into the snow. He stopped when he realized you weren't following him.

"What's wrong?" You looked uncertainly down at your feet, then at the snow before you met his eyes. "Oh."

He started marching back towards you and your heart skipped a beat, knowing you had done something wrong. You took a quick step into the snow, the cold biting at your bare toes.

"Hey!" The soldier scooped you up into his arms. "You're not wearing any shoes, doll. You're gonna give yourself frostbite."

The soldier was warm, unnaturally so, in the cold weather and thick tactical gear. You hugged the blanket tighter over yourself, trying to make yourself smaller in the larger man's arms.

He carried you to a large jet and marched up the steps. You felt eyes on you once you entered the ship and you curled into the crook of the soldiers arm, attempting to hide yourself.

"Oh, look," a voice scoffed. "Barnes found a pet."

"Clint," a woman hissed.

"Buck, what's going on? Who is she?"

"I don't know," the soldier said. "I found her locked up in the lower part of the base. I think she—" he paused, looking down at you. "She's scared."

"Set her down," another man said.

You were shaking as the soldier carefully put you down on the ground. You took a quick look around the ship and saw that you were surrounded by people. A man in a metal suit stood out the most.

You clutched to the soldier's arm as he crouched down next to you, trying to hide yourself behind him.

"Where did you say she was?" a woman asked, her hair a fiery red.

"Behind a locked room in the lower part of the base," the soldier said, looking behind him at the woman. She watched you as you kept your eyes on the floor, not daring to look at them.

"The poor thing looks like she hasn't eaten in days," another woman noted, her accent thick.

You almost looked up at her, the soft tone of her voice surprising you. You don't remember the last time someone had spoken so softly to you like that.

"Her blood pressure is dangerously high," a man said, stepping closer to you. Your breath caught in your throat as he reached out for your arm. You knew the drill better by instinct than by actual will—don't move until you're told to, don't speak unless permitted, don't make eye contact unless they want you to.

A whimper escapes your lips as the strange man grabs your arm. "Soldat," the broken cry slips passed your lips before you could stop it.

That caught the soldier's attention. He held his flesh hand out, his brows furrowed, stopping the man. The man let go of your arm, stepping away from you as he apologized. "Do you know me?"

He stood in front of you, trying to coax you to look at him. You refused, locking your gaze on your bare feet.

"It's okay," the soldier said gently. "We're not gonna hurt ya, okay? You're safe, I promise. I just need you to talk to me."

"Я не разрешаено," you muttered, voice barely above a whisper.

"What'd she say?" someone asked.

"She said she's not allowed," the redhead translated.

"You're allowed," Bucky assured you, "I promise you. You can talk to us, we won't hurt you."

You swallowed thickly, your hands shaking as you clenched them tightly into fists. They didn't like it when you were scared.

'Don't talk to him,' a voice in your head rang.

'He won't hurt you, he hadn't before,' another reasoned.

"Do you know English?" You nodded. "Can you speak in English? So the others can understand you?"

"They told me not to," you rasped. Your accent was think, you wondered if they could even understand you.

"Who?" the woman asked. Her arms were crossed, as though she were disappointed.

'You said the wrong thing. She's mad at you.'

You shrunk in on yourself, hugging yourself as you stared at a line in the flooring.

"Hey, don't close up, doll," the soldier said. "Talk to us. What's the matter?"

You stole a quick glance at him before answering. "Она рассердилась на меня."

"Who? Natasha?" He looked over his shoulder at the redhead before looking back at you. You nodded.

"I'm not angry with you," the redhead—Natasha—said, stepping closer to you. "I'm just. . . trying to figure you out."

You frowned, swallowing a shuddering breath. "You are Natasha Romanova, the Black Widow?"

"You know me?"

You shrugged. "The men talk about you. You are the Avengers?"

The soldier nodded. "We are."

"What men?" Natasha asked.

"T-The men that came into my room. Sometimes, if there were more than one of them, they would discuss things. Their work."

"Do you know who they are?" the man with a shield asked. You swallowed thickly, nodding.

"One of the men was on the floor." You dared to look at the soldier. "You killed him. . . didn't you."

"What's your name, doll?" the soldier asked you, changing the subject. Though the guilt in his eyes gave you the answer you needed to know.

You frowned at that, unsure. No one had called you by name in. . . since HYDRA had taken you. What was your name?

It was on the tip of your tongue, so close yet so far away.

You were hesitant when you told him, still so unsure.

He repeated your name, like he was testing the way it felt on his tongue. "That's a pretty name. I'm Bucky."

Bucky. That's a funny name.

Your eyelids started to feel heavy. You blinked furiously, trying to fight the sleepy feeling taking over.

"We should let her rest," Natasha said. You nodded, hugging the blanket tighter to your body as you laid on the floor, curling your knees to your chest. You jolted when you felt fingers brush against your wrist.

"Relax, doll," Bucky said, "I'm just gonna look."

You let him take your wrist in his hand. His fingers gently brushed over dark purple bruises that encircled your wrist. You winced, trying to pull away from him.

"It's okay, doll, it's okay. I'm gonna put some salve on it and it'll help it heal, okay?"

You nodded, watched him as he squeezed a little dollop of gel on his fingertips, rubbing it into your skin. It was cold, freezing your skin so much you shivered.

"How long were you tied up like that?" Bucky asked.

You shrugged simply, not actually knowing the answer. It could've been a few hours, or it could've been days. You never could tell.

You let yourself relax. You closed your eyes, exhaustion crashing over you and it wasn't long until sleep took over.

--

You had been prepped beforehand. Given a cold shower and a brush run through your hair. The simple cotton nightgown was thin and barely reached the middle of your thigh. The artificial slick the man had spread in between your legs was cold, as it always was. You think you would get used to it by now. You sat obediently on the edge of the bed, hands folded in your lap.

When the door opened, you perked up, but didn't dare look. You heard footsteps, then the door closed.

"Your reward, Soldat," a man spoke, his English almost foreign to your ears.

A reward. . . . Is that what you were? You didn't feel like much of anything.

The handler left, leaving you and the soldier alone. He stalked toward you; you kept your eyes downcast as he stood in front of you, thumb and forefinger cupping your jaw with a surprising amount of gentleness.

"Посмотрите на меня," he said. Look at me. You obeyed, your eyes meeting his carefully. He was large, his shoulders wide as he stared you down, his features expressionless—all but his eyes. His eyes were dark. Demented.

Haunted.

"Улечься," he instructed. Lie down.

Your back hit the mattress before you finished contemplating his words. You bent your knees together at an angle, hands resting at either side of your head. You watched him, not daring to blink.

His flesh fingers grazed up your legs, pulling your knees apart. The chill of the air brushed against your bare center, a shiver dancing down your spine.

The soldier's gaze darkened in the shadows of your quarters. In the shadows, his eyes seemed darker than the devil himself. He hiked your gown up past your hips, his flesh fingers delicate as he inserted two fingers into your cunt. He spread the slick around your lips, glancing up at you when you let out a whimper.

He seemed to hesitate when his hand reached for his belt. He saw the fear in your eyes, the way your hands shook. He blinked—once, twice—like he woke from a trance.

"Вы боитесь," he muttered. You are afraid. What could you say to that? The men never liked it when you were afraid.

When you didn't respond, guilt seeped into his eyes.

"Вы боитесь меня." You're afraid of me.

You shook your head. "Нет, Солдат." No, Soldat.

He got up then, crawling off the bed. You sat up, worry alive in your veins. You had to fix this. If he left without having you—oh, God, you could only imagine what would happen to you.

"Подождать—" You tried to get up, to reach out to him, but he stopped you with a hand on your shoulder. Wait—

"Спать," he said. Sleep. You frowned. You didn't want to sleep, you wanted to do your duty.

"Вы не хотите. . . ?" your timid voice was barely above a whisper. Doesn't he want—?

"Спать," he repeated.

You gave up, laying back down as the soldier pulled the blanket up to your chest. You let out a sigh, closing your eyes as the soldier sat at your feet, his shoulders rigid. You turned on your side, letting yourself relax in the soldier's presence.

"Спать. Я не буду вам больно." I will not  hurt you.

His presence was eerily calming. You were able to fall asleep quickly despite the anxiety biting at your nerves. When you awoke, the soldier was gone.

#stucky x reader #cloudys200hyperbole crush #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x original female character #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x steve rogers #chris evans x you #chris evans fic #chris evans x reader #chris evans smut #chris evans #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan #steve x reader x bucky #steve x bucky x reader #steve x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x female reader #bucky x reader #dark!steve rogers #dark!bucky barnes #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale #andy barber smut #andy barber x reader

[minizode]

memory

pairing: jay / f!reader

wordcount: 3.3k

genre: angst, comfort

warning: breakups, evil management, hurt feelings, enhypen being crazy, jay is kind of an ass in the beginning, female pronouns

+ summary: jay breaks up with his girlfriend of two years. why?

note! hey! this is my first fic on kpop tumblr... i really hope you guys like it. i’m pretty bad at writing angst but i’ve had this idea in my head for such a long time that i really wanted to post it for more people to see! also this is in third person, so pls lmk if you’d prefer second person because i couldn’t decide

“y/n!” Jay called from the door.

Backstage was crowded with people bustling from left to right, preparing for the next performance. Jay stood tall and searched the crowd for the face of his girlfriend.

His saving grace, y/n’s bandmate, saw Jay and caught her attention, motioning her to the door where Jay was. She smiled and quickly maneuvered past the staff members to stand in front of him.

“Hey,” she smiled. “Good job on your performance, by the way, you looked really good up there.” She paused.“But why are you here? I have like… five minutes until I need to be on stage.”

“Thank you.” Jay nodded and pushed his hands into his pockets. “And I know, but Heeseung-Hyung said I needed to tell you this as soon as possible.”

“Okay! Can we just go over there? It’s really hard to hear you,” She motioned for him to follow her to a space behind some boxes of equipment. “Can you help me?” She said with the sweetest smile, and Jay felt his heart crack a little more down the middle. She held out the wires for her mic pack, which he took quickly and turned her around. 

“So, we’ve been dating for a long time,” Jay started as he plugged the wires into the small black box on the waistband of her shorts. “You know, it’s almost our one-thousand days.” 

y/n giggled and nodded.  “Five more days, yeah.”

Jay took a breath and pursed his lips as he pulled her hair to the side, exposing soft skin on the back of her neck. He bit back every urge he had to rest his head there and adjusted her mic before turning her around to face him. “Well, don’t you think it’s been a little too long?”

y/n’s eyebrows furrowed together, surely ruining her makeup and creating creases.  “What are you trying to say?”

“Just… don’t you think it’s time to focus on ourselves? We’re progressing with our lives and-”

y/n’s scoff cut him off. “Just say you’re bored of me, Jay. Just say it.” Her tone had taken a complete shift from what it had sounded like mere seconds ago.

“That’s not what I’m saying, y/n.” He sighed. “I just want you to be happy, I want to be happy too.”

“But I am happy,” she rebutted. 

“Not as happy as you could be. Our relationship is the same routine, nothing new is happening. I mean, I’ve finally debuted… don’t you think it’s about time for us to move on?”

y/n let out a laugh of disbelief. “Is that not what a relationship is supposed to be? We’re supposed to be comfortable… and you didn’t seem to have a problem with that when I debuted.”

“We can’t be together forever, y/n. That’s just not realistic,” Jay muttered and pursed his lips. y/n shook her head.

“And I thought…” she sighed and ran a hand through her freshly curled hair, ruining that too. “Whatever. I don’t have time for this,” she said, turning on her heel and walking toward the entrance of the stage right as the staff called her name. “We’re over, Jay. Have a good life.”

And with that, she walked on stage, a perfectly crafted smile on her face.

Jay got back to his seat just by the time the music started.

“Did you do it?” Sunghoon asked with hesitancy. 

Jay nodded and turned to the stage. Automatically, his eyes flickered towards y/n, as though it was an impulse. To any normal person, she would look fine. Happy, even. Her makeup didn’t look creased and her hair looked fine; she looked beautiful as always. She was smiling when she sang her part, she shone just as brightly as her other members. However, Jay knew her better than anyone; he could see the sadness mixed with anger in her eyes. But she was a professional, and as always, managed to mask her feelings with the factory manufactured expressions on her face.

“Was she mad?” Niki asked from beside Jay. He turned to Niki and shrugged.

“I think so.”

“You should have waited,” Sunoo muttered. “Telling her right before her performance was a dirty move, even for you.”

Jay scoffed, “What is that supposed to mean?”

Just as Sunoo opened his mouth to contradict, Jungwon placed his hands on both of their shoulders. “Stop fighting, guys. You can discuss all you want back at the dorms. Just not in public, people are watching.”

The other members watched Jay roll his eyes and turn his attention back to the performance. 

The song was reaching its end; the climax, y/n’s part. She was singing with passion and fervor, Jay would even go as far to say that she sounded, and looked, better than ever. The tears in her eyes made it all the more powerful. 

And then, just like that, it was over. Her chest heaved as she smiled at the camera. There was an emotion on her face that he couldn’t quite place, but it didn’t matter, because they were over. He would never see her face again.

y/n laid in her bed, watching the dust specks glide through the sunlight, landing upon her bedsheets. There, strewn upon them, was the black sweatshirt of Jay’s that reminded her of all the things she had a day ago. It reminded her of everything she lost over one simple conversation.

Part of her wished she had ignored him at that doorway; she wished she didn’t take him to a quieter area, she wished she didn’t ask him for help with her mic pack, she wished she hadn’t even let him speak. Maybe then, the conversation would’ve been saved for a better day. 

She was confused; why did he break up with her? It was so out of the blue, so random. It hadn’t even occurred in her mind that they would ever break up. y/n had never experienced a break up before. Was it normal to feel this bad?

She knew, upon hearing her friends’ ailments, that it sucked. But y/n had never realized the true meaning of heartbreak until now. But she wasn’t crying… was she supposed to cry? Was she supposed to feel something? Right now, she only felt numb. Like she was a speck of dust floating in the cold winter sunlight and falling onto her bedsheets. 

There was a soft knock on her door. Silence for a second, then another series of knocks, followed by the door opening. Due to the layout of her room, she couldn’t see the door, nor the person coming inside. She thought it was one of her members again, telling her to come to eat or drink some water, to go shower or use the bathroom, or even just get out of bed and change into something else to save her from wallowing in a well of sadness. What she didn’t expect, however, was the gentleness of the leader of Enhypen, one of her closest friends. 

“y/n,” his voice was warm, just like the hesitant hand on her shoulder. “You need to get up.”

Her body turned so she could face him. He looked tired; dark bags under his eyes. His irises were lacking their usual stars, and his lips were pale. What happened to him?

“Are you okay?” were the first words that left her lips from last night. Her throat was dry, it felt like sandpaper. It showed in her voice; the scratchiness of it. 

Jungwon sighed and sat on the edge of her bed. “This isn’t about me, noona. Minju called and told me you haven’t even gotten out of bed since after the show last night.” He brought his face closer to hers with his eyebrows turned down. “Did you even take off your makeup?”

She shook her head. 

He sighed again. For a sixteen-year-old, Jungwon sighed more than a disappointed old man. “Please get out of bed. You’ll die at this rate.”

A hoarse giggle escaped her throat and she ran her hands down her face. “I think that’s a little overdramatic.”

“No, I’m serious! For real… I thought you guys would be able to take care of yourselves. Turns out a kid two years younger than you has to take care of you because you’re both too stupid to do it yourself.”

“Hey!” she sat up in her bed. “That’s rude, Jungwon.”

“You know what’s rude?” Jungwon said. “Ignoring your basic human needs and making the people close to you worried!” Jungwon never raised his voice, let alone at someone who was older than him.  Was he really this worked up? “It’s nearly four P.M, noona. You haven’t eaten anything since last night. At least Jay-Hyung is doing better than you… at least he got up. Even if he’s so upset that he’s been playing games all day, at least he’s taking care of himself.”

y/n’s face twisted to annoyance. “Upset?” she scoffed. “Why in the name of God would he be upset? He’s the one who broke up with me.”

“You don’t think he feels bad?”

Silence engulfed the room. y/n had known Jay for three years, dated him for two. In all that time of knowing him, one thing was for certain; he always tried his best to not show his negative emotions. That was one of the things that tested their relationship almost constantly. He never told her when he was upset because he knew she would feel guilty for it. He never wanted to hurt her, even though it ended up hurting her more by finding out through other people. Even now, they experience the same thing. 

“Then why did he break up with me?” y/n’s voice was small. “We were happy… at least I thought we were. He even planned a big date for our one-thousand days on Monday,” she didn’t realize her voice was shaking until Jungwon pulled her into a hug.

“I think the only way you’ll be able to figure out the answers to everything is if you talk to him yourself. I can comfort you, but you won't be able to get closure unless you talk to him.”

y/n pulled away and shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t think I can get more upset than this so…” she trailed off. “Maybe it’s worth a shot? Besides, I have a lot of stuff to do and I can’t let this plague my mind anymore otherwise I’ll get in trouble with my manager,” she let out a teary laugh. Jungwon giggled with her and nodded his head.

“You can come with me back to the dorm. But only after you get ready and eat some food.”

y/n sat on the grey futon in the boys’ living room. She had been there several times ever since they had moved in, but something was different this time; Jay wasn’t sitting beside her. It felt wrong sitting on the center cushion without the warmth of a body beside her. Well, there were actually two boys sitting beside her trying to cheer her up, but it didn’t feel the same.

“He’ll be back in an hour or so,” Heeseung had told her. “He and Niki went out to get some groceries.”

y/n watched as Sunghoon chased Sunoo around the living room with a spatula that held a fried egg (one that y/n had actually cooked for them when she arrived. Why Sunghoon was chasing Sunoo rather than eating it was beyond her). Jungwon and Jake sat on either side of her, laughing at the ungraceful occurrence before them. Heeseung walked out of the bathroom and into the living room, running face-first into Sunghoon, who splatted the egg all over his shirt. 

Amongst the commotion of y/n grabbing a towel to help Heeseung and Jake getting him a new shirt, the door opened and the two missing boys arrived in the apartment. Upon hearing Jay’s greeting of “We’re home!”, y/n frantically looked around the room for an escape. She resorted to hiding behind Sunghoon and Sunoo, who were bickering about who’s fault it was. 

Too bad that Jay was as sharp as an eagle. He saw her the moment he and Niki walked into the living room. 

The deafening silence that followed raised goosebumps on everyone’s skin. Jay looked over each of his members’ faces before finding the guilty look on Jungwon’s; a dead giveaway. Jay pressed his lips in a tight line before leaving the room, probably going to the kitchen to put away the groceries. 

“Um…” Sunoo turned to y/n. “Maybe you should come back later… he looks like he’s in a bad mood,” he whispered.

“He’s only in a bad mood because Jungwon brought her here.”

“Well they need to talk, it’s not my fault he decided to end things that way.”

“He should’ve been more considerate of her feelings.”

Niki, who had been silent the entire time, walked over to y/n and opened his arms for a hug. It made her smile slightly. The youngest was always somewhat reserved around her. Maybe it was because she was a girl, or maybe it’s just because he didn’t know her as well as he would’ve liked. But he probably caught onto the fact that she wasn’t in a good headspace, and he was a good-hearted kid, so he just wanted to show her he cared. 

“You should just talk to him now,” Niki said lowly. “Jay-Hyung!” he yelled, and all the other members looked at him in shock. “Come here!”

In seconds, Jay appeared in the doorway. The other boys looked around at each other before moving out of the way. 

“We’ll give you guys some space,” Jake said softly before leaving the room. The others followed suit. 

y/n stood in the middle of the room, looking at the patterned socks on her feet. Her large hoodie hung to her mid-thighs, covering the denim shorts she wore underneath. She was never too good at confrontation… it was scary and there were so many factors to consider. But she had to do it this time.

Jay stood in front of her and reached out to grab her hand, running his thumb across her knuckles, something he knew calmed her down in most situations. But right now, it only made her feel worse. Didn’t he hate her?

“What did you wanna talk about?” he said slowly, cautiously.

She breathed in quickly and looked up at him before speaking. “I just… I just need to know why. Why did you want to end things? Two people in love can’t just break up one day, you know? It has to have been some build-up. What was it? What did I do?”

Jay hummed and looked down at their connected hands. “I was going to just continue on the lie I told you back at the show but,” he paused and shook his head, looking back up at her. “I can’t keep lying to you. It kills me too much.”

y/n looked confused. “What does that mean?”

“You know how when I got the chance to be in the show, they didn’t really like the idea of us dating?”

She nodded, a signal for him to continue.

“Well, the company said that now that I’ve debuted, it’s an even bigger problem. It would be fine if you weren’t an idol, but you are. And they don’t like how famous you are compared to us, I guess?” Jay looked torn. y/n’s group was one of the most popular girl groups on the charts. “They think that people will find out about our relationship, and that will bring down our reputation, apparently.”

“Seriously?” y/n pulled her hand from his. “That’s… the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard.”

“I’m not lying, baby. I would never lie to you about this.”

y/n walked backward before sitting on the couch and putting her face in her hands. “It’s not that I don’t believe you, Jay. It’s just… that’s so stupid. Why would they make you break up with me now? Why didn’t they talk about this earlier? And why didn’t you just tell me? I would’ve understood.” She sounded hurt. Understandable, considering the words leaving his mouth. “I, of all people, would understand. I know how important this is to you. Don’t you think I would’ve listened if you just told me the truth?”

“I just thought that if I made up something, it would be easier for you to move on. Because now, you know I never lost feelings for you. I just can’t bring my group down incase anything ever got out to the public.”

y/n’s lips quivered. “So… so that’s it then?” her voice was threatening to crack. Her throat was tight and sore, and it felt like if she made one wrong move she would break. “We’re just going to end things like this?”

“What other choice do we have? I don’t want you to get caught involved with a scandal… That would ruin your career more than it would mine.”

She sniffled. “I just wish that things were different.”

“Hey,” he stepped closer to her. “Please don’t cry. It won’t be fair to both of us.” 

He was right, as he always was. She couldn’t cry; it wouldn’t be fair. Because life was never fair to them. It pushed them to the extremes and they always came back intact, holding each other tightly so they wouldn’t lose the pieces. Like when her grandfather was sick, or when Jay had to move away. When they couldn’t contact each other for months, or when she got injured when he was gone. Life was unfair, but they had to make it through.

Her heart was unsettled, thumping weakly against her chest as she stared up at the boy. His platinum blond hair brushed over his eyes and she moved it away. He gently smiled down at her. 

She wanted to close her eyes and pretend everything that happened was fake; she wanted to wake up from this nightmare of a reality. But she knows she can’t. So her eyes searched his face as she remembered everything they’ve done together; everything he’s made her feel. Her heart was shattering all over again, each piece a memory from her life with him that she would have to move on from. Each piece that she would have to pick up when he left because they were too valuable to be left on the ground. 

But no matter what, y/n would not cry, because it wouldn’t be fair for Jay. 

“Not crying.” she nodded her head. Tears pooled around the corner of her eyes. Jay could see them, and his heart trembled a little. But he has to do this, for both of them. It wasn’t fair, it never would be. They didn’t sign up for this when they signed those contracts. But this is what they needed to do, and upon seeing that she listened and supported him, he didn’t want to make it any harder for her than it already was. 

Jay smiled a teary, broken smile. He sniffled and blinked away the tears beginning to sting at his own eyes. He nodded his head in agreement and reached his hand out to run his fingers through her messy hair. His heart wanted one thing, but his head told him something else. It would be okay for him to be selfish for a spare five seconds, right? It wouldn’t hurt, he guessed. So he leaned down and pressed a soft, sparing kiss on her lips. It was short, but it spoke more than a thousand words.

Please take care of yourself, please stay safe, stay healthy. Thank you for loving me, thank you for letting me love you. His soul tears a little when he pulls away, but he quickly holds himself together. He couldn’t break in front of her. It wouldn’t be fair.

note! ahh okay! that’s it that’s the end!! i actually really dislike this, now that i’ve read it over and over again. i’m not too good at this type of stuff, but maybe i’ll get better in the future. i hope you guys liked it, at least a little, and it wasn’t a waste of your time. @nico-nico-niki​ , since you wanted to be tagged <3

#jay x reader #park jay x reader #jay park x reader #enhypen jay x reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen angst #park jeongseong x reader #jeongseong x reader #enhypenwriters

[neonacity]

hi, sammy, how's it going!? 2nd semester started this week and i just know i'm gonna be awfully busy for the whole month AND i just realized maybe my ask/review for lucid got eaten as i wasn't notified that u have answered it 😭 that was super long my gosh tumblr,,,,,,, im gonna cri.

anyway i saw your post about your cat!! how is she? i hope you both feel better now 🥺 cats are angels and i wish i had one too <//3

Sweetie oh my gosh i am so glad you sent this ask because i just checked my inbox and there are other messages there that i didnt get to see for some reason. I read your message and you made me tear up so much you have the sweetest words for Lucid. 🥺 thank you so much for supporting it a lot, i always get so excited whenever i see your messages. I hope you didn't feel like i ignored your message.

But thank you my cat is doing so much better now she actually got out of confinement today so i'm feeling so much better! 😭

And i wish for the best on your second sem! I have been out of college for so long already i actually miss going to uni......

But sweetie, if i remember correctly, you are pinay too, right? So whenever you feel like you want to rant about school you can always DM me even though i am probs as old as your professors already. 😬

#im prob one of your hot instructors tho lmao im kidding #neona!answers #strawbunnyjaem