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#no i definitely don’t have trauma from past relationships
romulus-tings · 8 months
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alright i’m not saying this to shit on anyone’s ideas or theories because i don’t really fucking care, but me personally,,,,
I HATE THE IDEA THAT THERE IS SOME BIG THEORY OR PLAN OR SOME SHIT BEHIND AZIRAPHALES ACTIONS
LIKE… BRO THEIR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP IS ONE BIG RELIGIOUS TRAUMA/INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA ALLEGORY PLEASE HIW DO YOU NIT SEE THIS
like??? crowley asks too many questions, gets kicked out, realizes who he is, falls in love with the side he’s not supposed to?????? and aziraphale loves him too, but believes he has to be good for god, and he can’t bring himself to admit that he loves crowley because he is taught that it’s wrong????
WHY WOUKD YOU WANT TO PUT THIS OUT IN EXCHANGE FOR A THEORY PLEASE LET ME HAVE MY ANGST WHAT THE FUCK GUYS
i need to see my little gay beings emotionally FUCKED please leave me alone
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in-my-feels-probably · 11 months
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Home - Benedict Bridgerton x Reader
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Request: Have you considered Benedict falling for a friend of Daphne's? Like if they're as close as Pen and Eloise but maybe with a little less drama? I think it would be funny for Benedict to ask for advice on how to talk to her and Daph being done. Just "you've known her for as long as I have."
Hi! Thank you again for the request, this is such a cute idea. I hope you don’t mind, but I made the reader a Featherington. I went a little off track too, it was easier for me to write that way. If this isn’t what you were looking for, I’m happy to take another request or alter this one. Sorry for the long wait on getting this out, but I hope you enjoy this :)
(Warnings: insecurity, middle child trauma, nothing else i think? idk, let me know if i missed anything)
Living in Grosvenor Square certainly had its ups and downs.
On one hand, you were mere steps away from your best friends. The Bridgertons lived right across the street, and you could visit them practically whenever you wanted. On the other hand—the not so nice hand—your family is the Featherington’s. Which isn’t an inherently bad thing. You loved your family, and could ignore most of the negatives. It just certainly has its pitfalls, being a Featherington daughter.
The Featherington’s—while rich and somewhat dignified—aren’t considered to be the most respectable of families. There wasn’t any one main reason why members of the ton didn’t much like your family, they just didn’t.
It wasn’t a personal grudge with you they had. In fact, you were quite liked by the ton.
More often than not, however, they didn’t pay much attention to you. It was easy to forget you were there when the rest of your family was the center of attention.
You were born soon after Phillipa but before Penelope, making you a middle child.
Your Mother seemed to connect with her eldest far more than her youngest, and that put a strain on your relationship. Not only that, you were much more akin to Penelope, having a lot more in common with her than your older sisters and your Mother combined. You were a bit of a wallflower, like Penelope, and it was a hard trait for your Mother to get past.
It wasn’t all negatives, though.
One of the biggest perks of being a Featherington was the fact that you lived directly across from the Bridgertons. You had spent most of your life over at their residence since the day you developed the ability to walk.
And, subsequently, the ability to walk across the street.
Violet Bridgerton’s first girl—Daphne—was born right around the same time as you were, and she decided Daphne was going to need a friend. Being the first girl born to a family of three brothers was a challenge, and Violet thought it best that Daphne should be able to socialize with a girl her age.
By the time you were both able to talk, you became inseparable. Just as your sister Penelope had come to develop a deep friendship with Eloise Bridgerton, you had come to develop your own with Daphne.
And by extension, you became good friends with her eldest brothers.
Anthony was the oldest, quite a bit older than you. He was already a handful of trouble by the time you showed up, and he already had plenty of practice teasing girls with his sisters as victims. In your first few years, he’d make it his mission each time you visited the house to fluster you, and annoy Daphne. It was harmless fun, and it never really bothered you, although he tried his hardest nonetheless. But as you got older, he became quite protective over you. It was like you were another sister to him, and you definitely bantered and squabbled like siblings do. As annoying as he could be, you loved him like a brother.
Colin was a similar story, although you saw something more to him. It was easy to, with the way Penelope talked about him endlessly. She could ramble for hours, making you listen to every painstaking detail. You definitely understood her affection for him, though. He’s charming and kind, much like his other brothers, but he’s also fun and witty. Daphne tended to favor him the most. They were closest in age, after all. Between her and Penelope, you spent quite a lot of time with him, and you certainly enjoyed his company.
But—besides Daphne—you enjoyed no other Bridgerton’s company like you did Benedict’s.
Benedict was different. He was more.
He was just as kind and charming as Anthony, and just as witty as Colin—certainly as annoyingly beautiful as Daphne—but he was more than that, too. He was sensitive and sweet, far more so than the rest of the Lords of the ton. He was passionate about art and love and valuing the little things. He didn’t care about marrying the prettiest girl for advantage, or inheriting her dowry. He cared about pursuing his dreams, and inspiring others to do the same.
Just the way he talked about his passions and values was enough to make any girl swoon, and yet he was still genuine with his words. It wasn’t for flattery or manipulation, he meant every word. Everything he did, he did for himself and the people he loves.
If it weren’t for Daphne currently holding the number one spot, you’d consider him your best friend.
He’d consider you the same.
You spend just as much time with him as you do with Daphne, and over the years, he’d come to cherish your company.
You saw him for him, not for his title. You listened to his endearing ramblings about his passions because you genuinely enjoyed hearing about them, not because you felt obligated to listen. You treated him like a person, not a prize to be won. It was all he could ask for in a best friend.
But that’s just it. That’s all you were to him. A best friend.
He was so sure that was all you’d ever be. Perhaps one day you’d be his sister in law, considering how close Penelope and Colin had gotten. You’d be family, and that was alright with him. It was what he expected. And then the unexpected happened.
He started falling.
The first time he noticed his feelings for you had shifted was the evening of a ball the Queen was throwing.
You’d come over early to get dressed with Daphne, wanting to help make sure she was perfect. She had finally revealed to you her ruse she was sharing with the Duke, you being the first person outside of their agreement to know. You were shocked at first, but as you listened to her speak, you gave her a knowing smile.
“You love him.”
Her eyes widened in shock, her cheeks blushing a rosy pink. “What? Why would you say that?”
“You love him,” you said again, smiling gently at her. “I’ve never seen you speak with such passion. With the way you talk about him, there’s no other possibility. One couldn’t possibly think that highly of another without feelings being involved—”
“You speak of my brother like that,” Daphne interrupted, chuckling when you swallowed your words.
You chose to ignore her statement, continuing to advise her on the best course of action for how to get through the remainder of her agreed upon days with the Duke. If the way he looked at her without her knowing was of any consequence, you were sure he felt the same way about her. All she had to do was make him see that.
When it was time to leave for the ball, all the Bridgerton’s piled into carriages. Daphne was hurried out the door, and she left with her Mother and Anthony, leaving you behind. When you tried to head back home to be escorted by your family, Benedict stopped you.
He had opened and closed his mouth a few times before he was able to choke out any words. Normally, he found it pretty easy to talk to you. But for some reason, the sight of you standing by his front door made his knees weak.
“I’m afraid they’ve already left,” he finally said, stopping you at the door. “They must have assumed you’d be accompanied by us.”
You groaned, feeling a pit form in your stomach. “I have no other way to get there. I promised Daphne I’d be there for her. Pen, too. She seemed quite nervous about attending tonight.”
“Not to worry,” he smiled, offering you his arm. “You can ride with me.”
You sighed in relief, thanking him profusely. “Well, aren’t you a lifesaver? Thank you, Benedict.”
“Of course,” he nodded, helping you into the carriage.
As you settled into your seat, a thought occurred to you. “Benedict…why are you still here? Not that I’m not grateful, but I don’t understand. You’ve been talking about going to the palace for days to see the Queen’s gallery. I would have expected you to be the first one out the door. But here you are.”
He was quiet for a moment as he took in your words, his eyes softening on you.
There were many things he could have said to you to easily explain it away. I’ll see the gallery soon anyways, or, I promised my Mother and yours that I’d make sure you got there safely. Numerous excuses he could have come up with to satisfy your curiosity, and yet, all that was coming to mind was, I can see the gallery another time, but I may never get to see you alone and sitting in front of me looking this beautiful with your undivided attention again, and I won’t pass up on the opportunity for anything.
“I don’t know,” he finally said as he shrugged his shoulders, feigning innocence. “But here I am.”
He didn’t truly acknowledge his feelings for you until months later, after attempting to ignore it for so long.
The second time he noticed was when he found out that the only reason he got into art school was because Anthony made a sizable donation to the Academy.
You had found him alone during yet another ton gathering, sulking on the edge of the party. Daphne had already gone home to Simon, and wouldn’t return for some time. Besides Penelope—and occasionally Eloise—Benedict was one of the only people you actually liked enough to be around. And seeing as both Penelope and Eloise were nowhere to be found, Benedict was your only hope.
You just hadn’t expected to find him nearly in tears, anxiously tugging at the cufflinks at the bottom of his sleeve.
It didn’t take much to get him to spill, and you found yourself pulling him inside to keep him away from prying eyes while he was in such a state. He told you all about Anthony’s meddling, and you knew it had crushed his heart to find out that he hadn’t actually achieved anything on his own.
“I know he did it out of the good of his heart…but I wish he hadn’t done it at all.”
He brought his hands up to cover his face, groaning into them. You reached for his wrists and tried to pull them away, but he wouldn’t budge. He finally relented when you said his name softly, letting you take his hands in yours.
“Benedict, it doesn’t matter how you got in. You’re an incredible artist, that’s all that matters,” you said softly, squeezing his hand in yours.
He shook his head, sighing in frustration. “I’m not. My work is child’s play compared to the other artists at the Academy. They all knew why I had even been given a spot in the first place. I’m an imposter, Y/N. A fraud. It was humiliating.”
“That’s a bit dramatic, darling,” you lightly chuckled, your smile fading when his defeated look didn’t waver.
“Alright, that’s it. Fess up. This can’t be all that’s bothering you. I know you, and I know you’re not one to give up that easily. You’ve been flustered all week, so what is it? You can tell me. Not that I have anyone to tell, but I won’t tell. I promise.”
His eyes softened on you as you spoke, and you could feel his grip on your hand get tighter. “I just…I’m tired.”
“Of what?”
“Of being second.”
You frowned, swiping your thumb across the back of his hand. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s just something Anthony said,” he murmured, keeping his eyes on your joined hands. “How I may be the second son, but that it doesn’t mean I am any less required to do my duties to the family. It’s rich coming from him. I’ve been second to him literally my entire life, and he’s only recently started taking his role seriously. I’ve played Father’s role since his passing. Isn’t it just my luck that he’s getting the credit for it?”
“You may be second to him in birth, but that is the only way you’re second. You’re every bit as good as him, Benedict,” you said firmly, but you weren’t sure if your words were sinking in.
He was uncharacteristically quiet, though his grip on your hands hadn’t wavered. His eyes were still on the floor, and his shoulders were shaking as he took uneven breaths.
“I know what that feels like, you know,” you finally said, making him glance up at you. “I’m a Featherington. A middle child at that, and it’s no secret my Mother favors my older sisters.”
Benedict let out a small laugh, shaking his head. “She’s wrong to. I don’t mean to be rude, but you and Pen are worlds more interesting and gracious than your sisters. The eldest, at least.”
“You don’t even know them,” you said in shock, but you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing, too.
“I don’t need to. You’re the only one I’m interested in knowing. Middle child or not.”
You couldn’t help but smile, although his kind words weren’t enough. The more you thought about just how second to the world you were, the more your smile faded.
“It’s not just being the middle child,” you continued, speaking softly. “I love your sister more than almost anything in this whole world, but I have always been second to her, too. She was the diamond of the season the second she was let out of leading strings, and now she’s my Duchess. I’m so happy for her, but it does put a damper on your confidence. Watching your best friend grow into this person everyone loves, and it’s like she didn’t even try.”
“Y/N—”
“Sometimes I feel awful, thinking this way. I know she tried, I was there for her every time she’d get overwhelmed. But she made it look so easy. I don’t know how she did it,” you rambled, taking a shuddering breath as you stopped yourself from speaking.
Benedict’s eyes softened on you as you spoke, making you want to shrink away from his gaze. He was being kind, and you didn’t know if it was genuine or not. If he was faking it for your sake, that was much worse than his actual pity.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make this about me, let’s get back to you—”
“Y/N,” he said again, this time effectively silencing you. “You can’t possibly feel that way.”
It was your turn to look at the floor. “Why shouldn’t I? It’s true.”
“That is the furthest thing from the truth,” he said gently, taking your hand. “You’re every bit as good as my sister. I know she makes things look easy, but she spoke just as highly of you as you do of her.”
You raised a brow. “Really?”
“Really. She used to tell me how kind you were to her, even after Lady Whistledown printed her supposed scandals. You were never judgemental.”
“I have no right to judge anyone, especially not her. She’s never said a bad thing about anyone, it isn’t right that people just took a scandal sheet as truth. And, if anything, she was kind to me. She, Eloise, Colin, and you are pretty much the only members of the ton that treat me like a normal person and not an outcast because of who my family is.”
Benedict smiled, squeezing your hand. “I would never dream of treating you any other way.”
You fought the flush that crept up to your cheeks, feeling the heat settle in them. You cleared your throat, shaking your head.
“Anyway,” you smiled, meeting his eyes. “I don’t mean to keep you away. Should we go back to the party? Someone may be looking for you. You’re quite popular, you know.”
Benedict couldn’t help but smile. And as he watched you look up at him through gentle eyes and an open heart, he couldn’t bring himself to move. It was like his feet were stuck to the floor, and he didn’t want to do anything to pull them up. He shook his head, keeping his hand in yours.
“No,” he finally answered, taking a seat. “Let them look. I’d much rather spend my evening with you. If you’ll allow me to, that is.”
You shook your head, taking a seat next to him. “I’ve got nowhere I’d rather be.”
The third time he noticed was when you, Daphne, and he accompanied Penelope and Colin to promenade throughout the square. She and Simon had come to visit, and she wanted to spend time with you and her family.
This time, he couldn’t ignore his feelings.
You followed behind Colin and Penelope, giving them enough room to speak privately without feeling like their older siblings were on their backs. You smiled as you watched Penelope look up at him, Colin being as gentlemanly as ever.
“It took him long enough,” you said, making Benedict chuckle.
“I thought he’d never figure it out.”
“Me either,” you agreed, grinning as you watched Colin smile down at your sister. “I should bash him over the head. I’ve listened to Pen spend countless hours rambling on about how utterly oblivious Colin can be. He owes me a debt.”
“He isn’t the only oblivious person I know,” Daphne piped in, making your eyes widen.
You had told her countless times about your feelings for Benedict, and how he never seemed to reciprocate them.
What you didn’t know is that he had done the same, on more than one occasion going to his siblings for advice on how to address them. Pushing them down until he couldn’t feel them seemed to be working, at least until now. And as far as he knew, you didn’t reciprocate his feelings either.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said nervously, silently pleading with her to drop the subject.
“Neither do I,” Benedict added, making Daphne chuckle.
She just grinned, ever so slightly raising a brow. “I mean Anthony, of course. It took him quite a while to realize that what he felt for Kate was much more than rivalry. I practically had to beg it out of him.”
“You’re a little matchmaker, aren’t you?” You asked, smiling at her. “Who’s next? Eloise, perhaps?”
“Perhaps…you?”
You immediately stilled, making them stop, too. “Me?”
“Don’t look so surprised, Y/N. You’ve been my best friend for ages, and I know what’s good for you. You’re lonely. And as awful as it is, the ton will start to talk. If the only people you talk to outside of your own family are Benedict and I, they’ll begin to notice.”
You frowned, nodding. She was right. Harsh, but right. The threat of becoming a spinster was looming over your head every season, and it had only gotten worse after Daphne married in her first season. Your second season came and went, and you were now in your third.
Without any prospects.
And it was looking like your baby sister was going to beat you to the punch as well. You were silent, a small frown on your face.
Thankfully, Benedict broke the silence. Just the thought of you marrying someone—especially someone who didn’t deserve you—made his skin crawl. He felt like he could keel over, and by the look on your face, he could tell you were feeling similarly. He couldn’t keep himself from turning you away from Daphne’s advice.
“Why settle?” He asked cautiously, giving you a sympathetic look. “Don’t let the ton pressure you. You’ll know when it’s the right time.”
You had fully made it around the square, now back in front of your house. Penelope was saying goodbye to Colin, at least for the moment. His Mother invited you and Penelope to dinner to welcome Simon and Daphne home, and so they’d see each other again in mere hours.
You gave Benedict a grateful smile, nodding. “You’re right. Thank you. If you’ll excuse me, I think it’s time to pull our siblings apart before they actually become attached at the hip. Mother wants us home before we join you later.”
Daphne chuckled, taking your hands in hers. “I think you’re right. I’ll see you soon, dearest.”
You squeezed her hands in yours, before going to gather your sister. You gave Colin a knowing smile, turning and heading inside with your sister in tow. The Bridgerton’s did the same, filing into their house one by one.
The second Benedict shut the door behind him, he collapsed against it, groaning. “What was all that for, Daph?”
“What? I was simply giving you both a little nudge. God knows you needed one. You’re even worse than Colin was, brother.”
“I don’t need a nudge. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”
Colin laughed, taking off his coat as he headed up the stairs. “I could hear your stuttering. It was laughable.”
“Oh, piss off,” Benedict pouted, waving away Colin as he chuckled the rest of the way up the stairs.
Daphne offered him a small smile, letting out a sigh. She took his arm, leading them to the sitting room. After promptly sitting down, she gave him an expectant look, and he reluctantly sat next to her.
“Out with it,” she urged. “Why did our conversation with Y/N bother you so?”
“I don’t know,” he huffed, shaking his head.
Daphne narrowed her eyes, speaking gently but firmly. “You do know, Benedict. Admit it. You feel something for her.”
“Does it matter? She doesn’t feel the same way.”
“How could you possibly know that?” Daphne exasperatedly asked, nearly bursting at the seams.
She knew of both your affections for each other, and yet, she couldn’t bring herself to tell either of you about the other. It didn’t feel right, going behind the other’s back. She had decided the moment she knew of each of your feelings to let the matter run its own course. What she hadn’t anticipated was it taking this long.
It was getting near impossible to keep the secret, and she decided a little meddling was excusable.
“She’s never said anything to me that would allude to her feeling anything for me. What would you have me do? Ask her directly?”
“There’s an idea,” Daphne shrugged.
Benedict sighed, trying to shove down the anxiety he felt at the thought of confronting you. “You saw me out there. I wouldn’t even know where to start. How do I talk to her?”
“You’ve known her as long as I have, brother. She’s your best friend! Just talk to her. She’ll understand, I promise. She won’t hurt your feelings if that’s what you’re worried about. You know she won’t.”
“Then why do I feel like I’m going to be sick at the mere thought of talking to her about it?”
Daphne smiled, her eyes softening. “Because you love her.”
Benedict’s shoulders fell, like Daphne just saying it out loud was the first time he was admitting it to himself. Like his feelings hadn’t fully sunk in, and now they were hitting him all at once like a freight train. It was a realization for him, and it both excited and terrified him at the same time. His emotion was clear on his face as his mouth fell open, making Daphne’s smile widen.
“Don’t worry, brother,” she reassured him. “It will all work out. I truly believe that. Take the afternoon to yourself, and keep your mind off of it till dinner. You’ll know the right thing to say when it’s time.”
That evening, you returned to the Bridgerton’s residence with Penelope.
The family gathered in the sitting room before dinner was ready, but Daphne pulled you away before you could follow. She took you all the way to the backyard, sitting down on the swing. She motioned for you to follow, and you took a seat on the swing next to her.
“I wanted to apologize about earlier,” she said softly. “I saw your face, I know I upset you. That wasn’t my intention, and I hope you can forgive me.”
You shook your head. “Don’t apologize. I needed to hear it. I might not like it, but I needed to hear it.”
“It hurt, Y/N. You don’t have to minimize that to spare my feelings. It’s alright to admit it. Do you…do you want to talk about it? I think there’s something more to it that’s bothering you, love.”
She was right.
Of course she was, she was always right. You sighed, turning to look back through the window into the house. You could see Penelope standing with the rest of the family, laughing at something Colin was telling her. He was smiling down at her like she had hung every star in the sky, just so he could have the chance to watch them sparkle. It was beautiful.
And it was painful.
“I just,” you started, keeping your eyes on Penelope. “I’m happy for her. I’m so happy for her. But I’m feeling a bit left behind.”
Daphne took your hand, leaning closer. “What do you mean?”
“I feel so selfish saying this, but…it’s what I want. She’s getting all that I want. All my life, I’ve wanted what you and your family have. You’re all so loved, and you love each other so deeply. Pen deserves that, I want her to have that. And I have no doubt that by the end of the season, she’ll have it. She’ll marry Colin, and officially be a Bridgerton. Part of the family. But she won’t be mine anymore. And I won’t be hers.”
Daphne frowned, squeezing your hand in hers. She turned you to meet her eyes, giving you a knowing look.
“I have a feeling this has more to do with a certain brother of mine. And I don’t mean Colin.”
You frowned, and she knew she was right.
“This is about Benedict. With Penelope being with Colin, it’s a reminder that you’re not with him. And you want to be with him.”
You couldn’t deny your feelings any longer. “I do. God, I really do. But it’s more than that. I want to be his family. I want to be your family.”
“And you’ve had to silently watch Penelope get what you’ve been waiting for,” Daphne said in realization, her heart breaking when you nodded.
Daphne stood up, pulling you with her. She wrapped you into a tight hug, refusing to relent until you hugged her back. You sighed in frustration, letting her gently rock you back and forth.
“Y/N,” she said softly, pulling away. “You’re already my sister. Regardless of who you end up with, whether it’s my brother or not. Wherever you end up, it doesn’t matter. You will always be my sister. You never have to worry about that. Not ever.”
You smiled softly, squeezing her hands. Just as you opened your mouth to speak, a throat cleared behind you. You quickly turned to see Benedict standing at the door.
“Mother told me to come collect you both. Dinner will be soon. Daph, Simon is asking after you.”
Daphne nodded, turning back to you. “Come along, then.”
“Actually,” Benedict interrupted, his eyes falling on you. “Could I have a moment alone with Y/N, please? If it’s alright with you.”
“Of course,” you said nervously, nodding towards Daphne.
Daphne smiled, nodding back. She patted Benedict on the shoulder as she headed back inside, closing the door behind her.
When she was gone, Benedict gave you a sheepish smile. He motioned for you to sit down, and you took a seat on the swing. He sat on the swing next to you, turning his body so that he was facing you. His knees brushed yours as he settled.
“What is it?” You asked, giving him all your attention.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”
Your eyes softened on him, and you laid your hand on his arm. “I’m alright, Ben. Better now, since you’ve arrived.”
“Cheesy,” he smiled, but his heart was fluttering in his chest. “You know how to make a man smile, don’t you?”
“I didn’t think I was doing anything in particular,” you shrugged.
Benedict’s smile widened, and he couldn’t help but ponder his feelings for you. From the moment he found you alone on his doorstep, to when you took care of him at his lowest. From the way you treated his family, to the selflessness you never failed to put before your own wishes. From the way you made him feel, to the way he so desperately hoped you felt. He couldn’t stop himself from confessing, hoping his words wouldn’t come back to haunt him.
“I have to tell you something,” he murmured, taking a shuddering breath after he realized what he said, and what he was about to do.
You nodded. “What is it?”
“I think—and in case this is a huge mistake on my part, please forgive me—but, I think…I think I’m in love with you.”
You stiffened, standing up from the swing. “What?”
“I,” he stuttered, standing up as well. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was—”
You cut him off, taking his hands in yours. “Say it again.”
Benedict’s eyes widened, and you had caught him at a loss for words. He felt like you had punched him in the gut, sending him to his knees. But he nodded, squeezing your hands in his.
“I love you,” he said again, softer this time as he looked at you through gentle eyes. “I’ve loved you from the moment you got into that carriage with me, and I’ve loved you every moment since. I love you.”
Your shoulders fell, and you could feel the tears welling in your eyes. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, clinging tightly to his hands. You felt like your knees could give out, and the only thing holding you up was him.
“You’re not lying? You’re serious?”
Benedict almost laughed, nodding. “Yes, Y/N. I’m serious. Do you really think I would jest about this?”
You couldn’t help but laugh as well, bringing a hand up to cover your mouth. “All that time. All that time, and you couldn’t tell me? You certainly waited long enough.”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand, darling,” he said, cocking his head in confusion.
You were starting to worry him now, concern written all over his face. It made your heart clench in your chest.
You smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck. You were so happy, you couldn’t help but hold him close, smiling wider when you felt his arms wrap around your waist, despite his confusion. You held him tight, standing up on your toes so he could hear you loud and clear.
“I love you too, Benedict.”
He instantly pulled away, holding you back at arms length. “You what?”
“I love you,” you said again, taking his hands. “And I’ve been waiting ages for the day you’d finally tell me you felt the same. I never thought I’d hear you say the words, but I am so happy that you did.”
It was his turn to ask. “You’re serious? This isn’t a joke?”
You shook your head, and he squeezed your hands. You brought one of your joined hands up to press a kiss to the back of his, smiling up at him.
“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my entire life.”
A/N - Hi! I’m so sorry this took so long, it took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to write. Not sure why this one was so difficult, but I finished it! I hope you enjoyed it :)
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rileyslibrary · 1 year
Text
Aggressive mimicry
Synopsis: A power blackout hits your base, plunging you into darkness. As fear grips you, Ghost tries to calm you down. Little did he know you had other things in mind.
Relationship: Simon “Ghost” Riley x F!Reader
Word Count: 1,085
Notes:
Aggressive mimicry: a tactic in which a predator acts harmless to lure its prey.
Fluff. A little suggestive, but SFW.
No, there’s no part 2.
Want more?
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Looks like you’ll both be working until late this evening. New recruits are constantly arriving, and the base is rapidly filling up.
The two of you take comfort in the silence of your office, a small space with two desks next to each other and a bookshelf full of records lining the opposite wall. It’s a little tight, especially with the new chairs you brought for the interviews. However, you cannot conduct them anywhere else since they’re confidential and private. Your job is to assess the recruits’ mental health, look into any past traumas that may have affected them, and determine their trustworthiness with firearms. Ghost, on the other hand, interviews them about their battlefield abilities and skills.
Under normal circumstances, he does not wear his mask when in the room with you. But these aren’t normal circumstances; People are constantly coming in and out of the office, and he feels uneasy without it.
“He was good, that last one,” he says, his attention still fixed on the paperwork. “Don’t mark him.”
“He suffered three concussions in his last deployment and reeks of alcohol,” you explain, baffled. “How can you trust him?”
“These are the best,” he shrugs, “they’ve got nothing to lose.”
You shake your head, stunned, as you look at him. You two come from different worlds.
“Have you considered therapy, Lt. Riley?” you ask sarcastically.
“Have you considered minding your own business, Dr Y/N?” he snaps back. You knew what he was going to say even before you asked. But you enjoyed teasing him every now and then.
“It’s ‘Professor Y/N,’ please.”
Instead of responding, he mockingly repeats your statement, imitating you and pushing invisible glasses up his nose bridge.
You chuckle, and he turns to look at you, slightly proud that he made you laugh. Your opposing personalities complement each other well, with your order and his chaos balancing each other out. It was like mixing black and white to get some form of grey. And that’s the state you’ve been in for years—in a grey area. You two have never been romantic. Still, the flirting was definitely there, even if it came in the form of playful jabs and teasing.
Ghost shuffles through his papers before turning to face you. “Where are the next ones’ files?” he wonders.
You look over your desk and move your gaze to the bookshelf. “I must have left them on the shelf,” you say as you stand up. “Let me go get them.”
But as you approach the bookshelf, everything goes dark—pitch black.
“What just happened?” you yell in a high-pitched voice.
“The lights went off,” he says calmly. “The base has too many people to handle all that power cons-”
“Shut the fuck up, Lieutenant!”
“You just asked me-”
“I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING!”
You freeze in place, with your back against the bookshelf like a trapped animal. You try to see through the impenetrable darkness, but nothing is visible. Fear grips you and paralyses you.
“Hey, hey, calm down,” Ghost says through the darkness, and you feel a hand on your shoulder.
Despite his words, the panic rises. As your fight-or-flight instincts kick in, you get ready to defend yourself. You lash out, grabbing the first thing you can get your hands on and swing right at the source of the touch.
“What the hell, woman!” Ghost curses in pain.
“G-Ghost?” you stammer, “is that you, Lieutenant?”
“How could it be anyone else?” He says and rubs his forehead. “Christ, professor, no wonder you know so much about concussions.”
“Did I get you good?” you ask, worried, “I-I’m so sorry.”
“I’ve had worse,” he assures you, taking your hand and placing it on his chest while muttering soothing words.
As you touch the coarse texture of his uniform, you apply a bit of pressure to get a better feel of him. And just like that, the fear fades gradually, giving way to a more... playful mood. You slide your hand up to his shoulder, then back to his chest. You can feel his heart rate increasing as it desperately pumps the blood it requires for him to stay sane. But he doesn’t need sanity right now; he must lose it completely. So you do it again. He lets out a sigh.
“These are dangerous games you’re playing, Professor,” he warns, trying to sound like his usual self and failing miserably.
“I like taking risks, Lieutenant,” you smirk, tracing circles on his chest with your finger.
He takes your hand off him and steps closer, bridging your gap. Seems like the blood is pumping elsewhere now.
“Fuck, professor,” he murmurs, “I need to go check if they need my help.”
“No,” you command, “what you need to do is stay right here.”
“Like this?” he asks huskily, his breath warm on your forehead.
“Yes, exactly like this.”
But, as he tilts your head towards him and begins to remove his balaclava, the door bursts open, and a blinding light shines in, threatening to expose you.
Your reflexes kick back again. You instinctively push him away and begin screaming, grabbing files from the bookshelf and hurling them at the light source.
“Damn it, Professor!” Ghost yells at you, “You’re hitting the engineers with box files!”
You pause midair and focus on your target; two figures squatted on the ground, their hands protecting their heads.
“Motherf—can’t you knock first?” You yell at them while holding the box file in front of your face. “Should we include basic etiquette in the manual, too?”
They all look at you, puzzled. Unable to comprehend your absurd request, they turn to Ghost.
“Sir, we need help with the generator.” One of them explains, and Ghost nods.
They hand him a flashlight and return to the power junction box, leaving you alone again.
He turns to look at you one last time.
“I’m curious,” he says, leaning in close, “did you plan this all along?”
You raise an eyebrow, acting innocent. “What, the power outage?”
“Are you acting all daft now?” he asks, his eyes forming two thin lines. “The whole screaming and acting vulnerable thing so I could come to your rescue and fall into your trap.”
“Oh, come on, Lieutenant,” you playfully roll your eyes, “don’t pretend like you didn’t want it.”
He scoffs and shakes his head. “So you’re okay with staying alone then?”
“Of course I am,” you say seductively, “as long as you come back and let me finish what I started.”
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punksocks · 9 months
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Astrology Observations: No.20
*just based on my opinions, only take what resonates
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I feel like 2nd house overlays can make you overly forgiving towards the person with planets in your 2nd house. It’s a Venusian house and that can bring a sort of desire to see the best in that person (7th can have this effect to a lesser degree imo bc Libra is focused on balance, so there’s affection there but it’s less likely to skew into being overly forgiving)
Chiron in the first can be a very beautiful person when they’ve really healed their wounds. A person who has a sort of glow from their inner light.
Earth moons in general like to receive and give gifts and Capricorn moons tend to be hyper fixated on giving the right gifts to the people they’re close to
5th house Venus could make you more creative in a relationship
7th house venus/Taurus/Libra definitely creates more in a healthy relationship
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Mars conjunct MC could mean being known for a career in violence, like martial artist or action star
Lilith MC could mean success in a taboo career, like s*x work or just some alternative field (I’m a tattoo artist :0)
People with planets conjunct your south node are definitely tied to your past life and may be destined to do certain actions towards/with you
North Node overlays can also be tied to past life but they’re usually here to make sure you grow in some capacity/move towards your destiny.
Your Venus sign could show the most beloved features of your body (Sagittarius Venus- a lot of people may notice your legs, Libra Venus- a lot of people may notice your butt, Virgo Venus- a lot of people may notice your hands, etc)
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Moon conjunct Jupiter could make you very empathetic, could also make people see your emotions as big whenever you express them
Imo Virgo shows where you are a minimalist (Virgo Asc usually has a minimalist approach to fashion/accessories/tattoos/etc, Virgo Venus or Virgo in 11th could point to having a circle of only a few friends, Virgo in 4th could show a minimally decorated home, etc)
Aries risings tend to have big heads/foreheads or their heads are the first things people notice about them (my mom used to get called tweety bird bc she had a big head and a little body which was mean, but so is she so…..)
Pisces moons tend have this look like they could cry at any time (like their eyes always look wet and sad if that makes sense lol)
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Wherever Pluto aspects (trine, Sextile) your personal planets shows where you can be the most transformative (or obsessive/possessive lowkey, especially for harsh aspects like square/oppositions— conjunct feels the intensity of both). Moon can show that your emotions push you to transform, Venus is this for your personal/romantic relationships, Saturn is how you use the lessons it teaches and how it affects your self discipline, etc
Leo in 6th could point to dealing with performance anxiety
Cancer in 8th could point to trauma around family (Scorpio over 4th could point to this too)
Gemini in 8th could point to trauma with neighbors/siblings/cousins/the education system or communication in general (Scorpio over 3rd could point to this too)
Sagittarius in 8th can point to having religious trauma or having intense/taboo experience with religion (Scorpio over 9th could point to this too)
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Capricorn can show where you start to lose yourself and can’t go through with when your stressed (I have Capricorn in 3rd and I literally lose my voice when I internalize stress, it’ll start cracking so fast it’s spooky. Capricorn in 5th could mean you absolutely cannot relax when your stressed. In 6th your health starts to act up immediately and you catch colds. In 1st you may have issues with your skin/breakouts when you’re stressed out.)
Mercury in 12th could stay up all night overthinking or experiencing intrusive thoughts
Virgo moons that oversimplify are underdeveloped
The mother of a Capricorn moon views love as super transactional (like if you don’t give them a hug you don’t love them, instead of the child being a person who deserves their own autonomy)(I was watching Beef and I got frickin triggered when Ali Wong’s character said her daughter was supposed to love her forever but wouldn’t hug her when she wanted to do her daughter’s love was conditional— I was like holy sh*y I heard that before!! Lol Saturn moon gang lol)
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icaruspendragon · 3 months
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\⁠(⁠°⁠o⁠°⁠)⁠/you're aspec too!!! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) I love finding other fellow asexuals!!!
it’s actually been a rather recent discovery for me. because while i’ve known about asexuality since i was like 14, my understanding of it was pretty superficial until about a year or so ago.
during college i’d hear my friends talking about sex and how great it was or i’d read in fanfic about how it was this incredibly pleasurable thing and be like “hm. that is not how i feel during it but maybe i just haven’t been with the right partner.” but i’d had a couple enjoyable experiences, so the possibility of being aspec simply did not cross my mind. especially as i grew more comfortable and confident in my bisexuality. while i know it’s flawed now, my line of thinking at the time was, “i can’t be ace because im bi.”
i think it was hard for me to figure it all out because sex was always fine, it was just seldom to never something i thought to do unless it’s what my partner wanted. like i didn’t mind it. but apparently lots of people enjoy it a great deal and want to initiate it on their own. i’ve never really been one of those people.
and it was easy to write off/ignore for a long time as i thought my lack of want to have sexual encounters had to do with trauma/mental illness, but as i worked through and processed it all, my desire (or lack there of) stayed the same.
so it’s really only been within the past few months of somewhat frantic googling and discussions with people who are ace that i realized all signs were pointing to aspec. i mean all signs have been pointing there for a while. just look at this text i sent my friend scott back in 2021.
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but i didn’t have the words/label to adequately describe what i’ve always felt. like i can’t tell you how many trips i made to the gynecologist to try and “figure out” what was “wrong” with me. but now i know there’s nothing wrong with me. i just don’t really feel sexual attraction. and that’s okay!! i’m not broken or damaged or whatever thoughts i had from like ages 19-25 about sex and my relationship with it were telling me.
the aspec label itself is one that i’ve only felt comfortable using for the past few weeks, but it definitely feels like the right one. even though having a name for it is a recent thing for me, i’ve always felt this way.
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Hey friend!!! Ive been loooving, devouring and reblogging all your fics! I was wondering if i could request azriel x reader where reader has a visible scar on her face, maybe through her eyebrow down to mid cheek from an attacker that tried to kill her. She has a mini crush on azriel but she sees how hes attracted to Elain whos the definition of beauty so reader just gives up even attempting to like him. Angst with happy ending pls. ❤️
Forever
Azriel x f!Reader
Warnings; mentions of abuse and death.
Masterlist
Not one of my best writings but I really didn't know how to write this. If you don't like it please let me know so I can rewrite it! Thank you so much for your kind words and I really hope I didn't let you down with this.
You joined the inner circle when you were still a teenager. Rhysand had found you in Hewn City when two males tried to force themselves on you after a party. You watched wide-eyed as he made a public display of power by crushing their minds and flinched when he grabbed you and winnowed away. He took you to Velaris and you met the rest of the inner circle who instantly welcomed you and made you a part of their small family.
The shadowsinger immediately caught your attention and you found yourself falling for him as the years passed. Your close relationship with them though pissed off your father and one of the days you visited Hewn City with them he paid someone to end your life. Your attacker managed to find you alone and pounced on you with a dagger in hand. You quickly jumped back and let a scream when his dagger scratched your face from your eyebrow to your cheekbone. Azriel heard your cries and emerged from darkness next to you, he immediately disarmed your attacker while his shadows caressed your wounded skin, their coldness soothing the pain. He called Rhys to take you to Velaris and then disappeared with your attacker.
Madja did everything she could, and she managed to save your eye, but the scar remained, a constant reminder of your father’s resentment. Azriel remained by your side helping you get past your trauma and teaching you how to defend yourself in a similar situation. You really enjoyed the attention he gave you and once again you started hoping that one day he might fall for you.
Then the Archeron sisters came into your life and Azriel became distant as he started spending time with the middle one. He would disappear for the whole day and when he would come back to the house of wind to sleep, he would reek of Elain’s scent. Your heart broke every time he would pass in front of you with a quick nod as a greeting and then disappear into his room. Elain was the definition of perfection, long golden-brown hair, rich brown eyes and most importantly a face without any scars. You could see why Azriel fawned over her, and even though it hurt, you remained silent thinking that he deserves a beautiful female like her by his side and not a sullied one like you.  You stopped trying to get his attention, stopped making him tea every morning, stopped tidying his daggers and books knowing that he wouldn’t even notice.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
You were sitting on your bed reading one of the books that Nesta gave you when Azriel strolled in with a worried expression.
“What’s wrong?” he asked and crossed his arms over his chest.
“What do you mean?” you furrowed your eyebrows.
“You are avoiding me.” He exclaimed.
“No I am not” you lied. “I’m not stupid.” He growled “I don’t have to avoid you since you are never here” you snorted.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Listen, I get why you spend so much time with Elain, she is perfect, and I really hope you two will be happy together but please give me some time to adjust.” You sighed.
“What? There’s nothing going on between me and her. I’m just following Rhysand’s orders.” He was staring at you with a panicked expression.
“Az I know you, this is not just an order you’re following, you’re falling for her.” You said softly. “I really hoped that one day you would fall for me, but I get it… I’m not perfect” you pointed at your scar and Azriel’s breath hitched.
“Don’t you ever say that again” he growled “you are perfect, and this scar makes you even more irresistible.” He sat next to you on the bed and cupped your face “I fell for you the moment I saw you. I couldn’t believe that a female like you could ever want someone like me, and then the attack happened, and I realized that I can’t even protect you, so I kept my distance.” You blinked and opened your mouth to speak but he held a finger up stopping you.
“I spend my time with Elain because I want to help her, to keep her safe because I failed you. I thought that if I could do that with her I would become worthy of you”
“You never failed me Az” your voice was barely above a whisper as you spoke. “You couldn’t know that my own father would hire someone to kill me, and even though you weren’t expecting it you came just in time to save me. I wouldn’t be here without you.”
He sighed and pressed his forehead against your own. “Can you forgive me?” he whispered. “There is nothing to forgive.” You smiled.
He returned your smile and slowly captured your lips with his own, his kiss was soft yet needy and his thumbs caressed your cheeks.
“You have my full attention angel… forever” he said when you broke the kiss. “I love you” you sighed.
“I love you more” he replied and kissed you again.
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iheartuwu · 3 months
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₊˚ ♡ random relationship hc’s ◞ leon s. kennedy
fem!reader, fluff, angst, established relationship, implied age gap for like one or two hc’s, wrote these in an id leon brainrot fueled spur lmfao so mostly for an older leon ig !? would love to expand on some of these in a fic, wc 0.6k ╮
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gift giving is definitely one of his strongest love languages, however he’s not one for grand gestures or overtly romantic gifts. his gifts are practical, thoughtful, consistent reminders that he’s always thinking of you because he’s never been good with words. he prefers to not be present when you receive them and he’s SO deliberately discreet about it too. subtly replacing your skincare or fav products that are running out with brand new ones, delving into his mental notes of what you’re running low on when he’s at a shop. scheduling food or flower deliveries for when he’s away on a mission or work related tasks. any praise would probably make his skin crawl because he just can’t handle it
terms of endearment feel unnatural to him and rarely fall past his lips unless you seem to react positively to them. i don’t see him as someone who’s that experienced in committed long term relationships ( or relationships in general ) due to the nature of his work and lifestyle. he defaults to ‘babe’ until he learns which terms you prefer / dislike
leon would never accept your offers or attempts to pay for a thing ( i swear by this ). this doesn’t come from a place of arrogance or urge to fulfill some ‘traditionally’ masculine role. his disposable income is plentiful, and he’s happy to pay when the opportunity arises, he honestly doesn’t even think about it and merely hands over his credit card. receiving gifts can often be hard for him but he’ll never purposely display his discomfort or refuse
extremely dry texter and doesn’t really use his phone despite being tech savvy, all of his texts end with periods. rarely ever uses emojis ( his personal favs are 👍👎 and the occasional ❤️ ). typically one word responses. doesn’t understand half of the abbreviations you use. send him a keyboard smash and he’ll think you’re having a stroke. prefers to call you instead
always the driver ( he insists on it ). always has the seat warmer on for you. if you do drive he becomes a backseat driver which can be mildly frustrating. comments on your song choices when you play music in his car but would never tell you to stop no matter how grating it is on his ears and simply endures. sometimes opts for his motorcycle over his car solely because he gets to be held onto by you. would literally never let you even fathom the idea of driving his motorcycle
frequent date nights at borderline obnoxiously ritzy restaurants to compensate for his time spent away from you due to his job. also bc this man cannot cook. does not let you know in advance. he simply says “we have a reservation tonight” like an hour before which often results in you scrambling to get ready
he struggles with sharing his ( darker ) emotions, accompanied by a habit of opting to brush your concerns off. vulnerability is a foreign language to him. he’s scarily good at pretending he is fine, but you manage to see glimpses of his deteriorating wellbeing in his body language. the heavy sighs upon waking up, his slight recoil from your touch, his posture stiffening after you ask him what’s on his mind. this doesn’t come from a place of distrust in any way, he truly just doesn’t want to ‘burden’ you and convinces himself that his struggles aren’t important in the grand scheme of things. he also knows the source of his stress and trauma is for the most part confidential and he tells himself he’s doing it for your own safety and protection. when he does open up by his own volition, he keeps it brief, spares most of the details, his composure rarely falters and he’s itching to move on from the subject. you’ve never seen him cry :(
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sumeruin · 1 year
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i feel like i sped ran all of ur posts i’m in luv <33 do u think i could maybe… be…🫧-anon??
anyways here’s me little brainrot on scaramouche/wanderer bc i love him
pervy!scara who would hide u under his desk during fatui meetings and make you suck and kiss his cock, all the while you have to hold back whimpers in fear of being discovered :((
yandere!scara who would slowly isolate you from everyone else until you feel abandoned :( but don’t worry! he’s dealt with plently of betrayals, all you need is him!
thinking about a yan!scara x touch starved/traumatized reader scenario. reader genuinely loves scara, and all their past trauma just makes them that much more attached to him. they look past all the red flags and think that this is the best thing for them!! Of course, scara is happy to receive the love, and gladly gives them everything they want :)) scara controls readers surroundings just to make them that much more attached and needy for him and his help! what a good boyfriend he is!
minor writing smut, dni if uncomfortable!!!
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omg nonnie!!! ofc you can be 🫧 anon!!! i will write about these in order they’re just too good :(
tw: noncon/dubcon idrk which one of the two to classify this as, i think that’s it tbh
i love love love the idea of pervy scara!!!! and i think it’s just that much better when it’s not in an au or anything so that there’s the power difference of him being a harbinger :( he’d make sure he got to the meeting before anyone else just so that he could feel your mouth wrapped around him during the boring discussions that just seem to drag on for so long :( if he thought you were having it too easy he’d quickly thrust up his hips, just enough to make you gag around him though, he does still have a reputation to keep :(
tw: yandere, heavy stockholm syndrome, like really heavy, like that’s almost entirely what this part is about you’ve been warned, isolation
i think he’d be the most likely to do this out of all the genshin yanderes, he’s just so so mean and so so lonely (and tbh a little bit pathetic and soggy but that’s part of his charm) he wouldn’t want you to look at anyone but him :( i think if his usual punishments with pain and degradation weren’t working he’d even take it a step further and leave you alone in a room for however it takes you to break :( he’d bring you 3 meals a day and plenty of water though!! he’d just ignore you whenever you tried to touch him or even just talk to him :( he’d look at you like you like you’re just a disgusting speck of dirt to him, and that’d continue until eventually you’d break and end up begging him to talk to you, to touch you again, to just do something so that you know you aren’t completely alone :( i think if what you did to deserve that punishment was bad enough he’d let it go in past that point, waiting until you’re clinging to his clothes, full on sobbing for him to pay attention to you again, and physically not letting him leave, then he’d bend down and gently wrap you up in his arms, cooing soft praises and sweet little nothings at you while he reassures you that, “shh, shh, it’s all ok, i’m here now, you don’t have to be scared anymore. i’ll take care of you, it’ll be just how it’s supposed to be.” :( he’d run you a nice, warm bath and pretend like he wasn’t also the one who did this to you, still holding you in his arms and whispering sweet, comforting little words and phrases in your ear :(
tw: yandere, kinda sorta stockholmish??? definitely not as bad as the last one but it’s kinda there, toxic relationships
i think this one is especially good with scara cause i think he’d be just so sad whenever his darling is mean to him, so when you actually, genuinely love him for who his is, obsessiveness and all, he’s overjoyed!! and he’s even more excited when you seek him out yourself and ask him for cuddles or a kiss or even just to sit next to him for a while :( i think he’d try to test you in the early stages of your relationship, just to make sure you aren’t pretending to love him back while you secretly plan to leave him. poor scara has trust issues, can you really blame him? :( besides, he’s made all his red flags more than clear by now, if you’re dumb enough to ignore them then that’s no skin off his back. after he decides you’ve passed his tests he’d become a lot more comfortable showing his true colors with you, gradually adding more rules and restrictions to your schedule, not letting you leave the house unless you’re with him, adding a lock to the outside of your bedroom door and not letting you have a key, making sure to always keep some rope around “just in case” :( eventually, it’d turn into you not being allowed to leave the house at all, and you constantly being in his arms or tied up when he can’t hold you himself. he knows you won’t mind as long as he continues to ravish you with his love and attention though. you’re just so perfect for him, how did he get so lucky? :(
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scoonsalicious · 18 days
Text
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Unwanted: Chapter 17, Unanswered - Pt. 5*
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader
Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.
Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, Explicit Dream!Sexual Content - Minors: GTFO; I don’t serve your kind here. (dream!oral (f-receiving))
Word Count: 1.3k
Previously On...: A conversation with Steve informed you that Bucky was fine, and on his way back to the Tower. He just couldn't be bothered to contact you, it seems. Cool. Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool.
A/N: Yay, look at that! Some more smut! Finally! Last part of Chapter 17. You know what that means, friends! BETRAYAL IS AROUND THE CORNER!
NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when I update, please enable notifications from my Blog page!
Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!
Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!
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You went about the rest of your evening and night as normally as you possibly could to distract yourself, checking up on the work emails you’d missed while you were ill and approving some requests for PTO. You’d listened to some back episodes of a True Crime podcast you’d been meaning to catch up on and aimlessly browsed Reddit, making some anonymous posts debunking some of the more outrageous relationship theories that were popping up concerning you and Steve. You were most definitely, for example, not having his super soldier baby.
Fortunately, you only threw up once during that time, and you were optimistic when, after you did, your stomach growled with hunger. You headed to the kitchen, considering potentially grabbing a plate of Thai leftovers from the other night, but remembering your reaction to Nat’s to-go plate, you opted instead to just make yourself a turkey and cheese sandwich. Best not to risk a repeat performance.
Once you made it back to your room, you decided you’d been awake long enough and called it a night. Checking your phone one last time, you were disappointed, yet not surprised, to see you still had no new messages from Bucky. As you put your head down on your pillow, you could only hope tomorrow would bring better tidings, and soon, you were asleep.
You were dreaming. And oh, it was a very good dream, indeed. You weren’t exactly sure what you were dreaming about, you just knew that delicious tension was building low in your stomach and, fleetingly, you hoped it was the kind of dream where you actually got to finish, and not the kind that left you frustratingly hanging over the precipice without actually falling. Those dreams were the fucking worst.
The dream slowly came into focus, Bucky’s head between your legs, his soft hair brushing the sensitive skin of your inner thighs as his tongued fucked you, the hardened muscle working its way in and out of your cunt as if drawing life from it.
You moaned in your sleep as his tongue slipped from your weeping hole, only to latch onto your clit, dancing circles around the sensitive bundle of nerves. You felt your back arch off the bed as his thick fingers found your entrance and began working their way in and out of you, the pace growing faster by the minute. God. This dream was so fucking good, you never wanted to wake up. Your orgasm was so close, you could practically taste it.
“Bucky,” you moaned in your sleep. Even as a figment of your imagination, he was good enough to elicit sinful sounds from your lips. The pressure was building. You were nearly there.
“That’s it, doll,” Dream Bucky said, his nose rubbing against your clit. He added another finger, stretching you so damned well. “Almost there, baby. You can do it. Come for me.” His mouth returned to your clit, suckling from it and driving you over the edge. 
Your breath was coming in ragged gasps, the noises you were making positively pornographic without your conscious mind awake enough to dampen them. But Dream Bucky kept working you through your release, rhythm never faltering.
“I think you can give me another one, pretty girl,” Dream Bucky said. He increased his pace, and soon you were falling again, your arousal coating his hands.
When your aftershocks had subsided, Dream Bucky’s hands pulled away, and you whimpered at the loss of contact. But then, you felt your bed dip, felt the solid, comforting presence of Bucky’s body as it crawled up alongside of you, felt his arms wrap around your waist.
You weren’t dreaming.
“Buck?” you rasped, voice still thick with sleep. “Is that really you, or am I still dreaming?” You reached out and touched his cheek, feeling the unmistakably real sensation of his overgrown stubble against your palm.
“I’m sorry sweets,” Bucky said, a devious smirk plastered across his face, “did I wake you?” He was already divested of most of his clothing, down to just a pair of tight, burgundy boxer briefs.
You yawned and raised your arms over your head, stretching out like a cat. “Was I supposed to sleep through that?” you asked him.
“Mm,” he said, kissing the side of your neck and making you shiver, “I’d really hoped you wouldn’t.” He shifted and you could feel the hard outline of his cock pressing against you. It woke you up immediately.
“Why the fuck haven’t you called me back?” you snapped suddenly, all traces of sleep having gone, leaving you with only your anxiety and unanswered questions. “I’ve been worried fucking sick all day long and I haven’t heard a peep from you! You think you can just give me 24 hours of radio silence, not knowing if you were dead or alive, and come waltzing back here with that magic tongue and I’d just–”
Bucky silenced you with a bruising kiss. “Magic tongue, huh?” he said when you broke for air. You nodded dumbly, currently unable to form a sentence with the way he’d just kissed the shit out of you.
“‘m so sorry, sweets,” Bucky said, his hands slowly making their way to the hem of your sleep shirt and pulling up, exposing your breasts to his lingering gaze. “I never meant to make you worry.” He slipped the shirt over your head, and despite your ire, you helped him do it. “Forgot to pack my international adapter for m’ phone.” He began placing gentle kisses to your breasts. “Battery died.” He took one nipple hungrily into his mouth, sucking and nipping at the peaked flesh. “Couldn’t charge it.” Then the other. You carded your hands through his hair. “Think you can find it in your heart to forgive me?”
His hand snaked down your belly to cup your heat. God, he had a way of making you feel so fucking good.
“I might be able to be persuaded,” you breathed as his fingers began toying through your slick folds. But logic soon smacked you like one of Natasha’s “love punches,” and you reached out a hand to stop his movements. “We should probably talk first.”
A flash of panic crossed Bucky’s face, and you wondered if he was worried about the articles. “Did you get my messages?” you asked him nervously.
Bucky nodded. “Plugged my phone in back in my room as soon as I got home,” he said. “Hadn’t seen the articles, but even if I had, I know you of all people would never do somethin’ like that. I’d have to be a fucking moron to think so. I know you’d never hurt me.” He had a far away look in his eyes for a moment, and you wondered if he was imagining you and Steve together.
You reached up to cup his face. “But did you see the other part?” you asked him.
“The part about you being ready to try us again?” he asked with a smile. When you nodded he leaned in and kissed you, a quick, sweet peck. “Darlin’, why the hell do you think I rushed over here to wake you up like that? Couldn’t stand to waste another second.”
“Well, then we better make up for lost time,” you teased, reaching down to slide your hand under the waistband of his boxer briefs.”
“I like the way you think,” Bucky grinned as he rolled over until he was lying on top of you. “I hope you’re not tired, sweetheart, because I got plans to keep you up all night long.”
“You talk a big talk, Barnes,” you smirked as you stroked him, firm and slow. “I hope you can back up your words.”
The look Bucky gave you was absolutely sinful as he reached down to free himself. Pressing the head of his cock against your swollen clit, he kissed you again. “Hold on to something, doll,” he said, nipping at the skin of your pulsepoint. “Cause you’re gonna have to beg me to stop.”
<- Previous Part / Next Part ->
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ant1quarian · 5 months
Text
Dust Sans Headcanons
Both x Reader and just general headcanons. ( Dust Sans belongs to Ask-Dusttale! )
To me, Dust is a very… quiet, aloof character– but he’s also incredibly intelligent and observant
Fanonically, in my mind, he does feel emotions, he just feels them through a kind of static. One thing he is incapable of feeling, though, is guilt.
I also headcanon that he has “hypervigilance”– a constant state of awareness, where he’s constantly assessing potential threats around him.
This also mean he does not sleep. He can’t remember the last time he slept, and in my mind, this also means that Visage ( His Papyrus ) is both a hallucination from going insane… and sleep deprivation. (Though, I do like to think as Visage being a literal ghost, instead of a hallucination as he is canonically– I think )
I also headcanon that Dust’s hood over his head acts as a sort of security blanket? It provides him a sense of calmness, at least.
Signs that he likes you
Because Dust doesn’t talk a massive amount, he’ll often just turn up and… sit beside you. Or he’ll randomly come up to you, grab you by the hand, and take you on a walk ( or just bring you somewhere )
It’s not obvious he’s starting to fall for you if you don’t pay attention to the subtle things.
How he slightly turns to you when you enter the room. How he slightly shuffles over on the couch in order to make room for you, even if he’s mid-conversation with someone else and doesn’t even spare a glance at you.
Unless Killer or Axe is there to point it out, you likely won’t notice– unless he’s been an absolute asshole to you in the past.
I like the thought of Dust beginning to pun more around you (because he does enjoy them!) just to see you either groan, smile, or giggle.
He may initiate small amounts of physical contact. Brushing your hand with his when he wants your attention, or is just walking next to you. Sometimes when you’re both sitting down, he’ll rest his knee on yours.
I… honestly can’t see Dust being a massive fan of PDA? Like he doesn’t… exactly… care that much, but he prefers it in small amounts?
I feel like he’s the type to take comfort in the slightest of touches, and I feel like hugging you and being that close to your SOUL can overwhelm him sometimes.
( This stems from my headcanon that will be put at the end of this )
But when he gets more used to you having such a powerful SOUL (in comparison to his own SOUL), he’ll be much happier with long times of physical contact.
When he finally fully trusts you and knows you won’t run away, he’ll start putting his hood down when he’s around you. At this point, he is fully smitten with you, and couldn’t possibly put the amount of adoration he has for you into words.
It just means he feels safe around you
Also, once he loves you, you’ll be able to catch him off-guard. Like you toss a thing at him, and instead of dodging, it sorta just slaps him in the face and leaves him very confused because he dIdN’T DODGE??
I feel like Dust is also prone to… bouts of violence. And lets be real here, it’s not going to be a “everyone but you” thing, because you can most definitely get caught up in it by accident
That being said, he’d never intentionally hurt you, and if he did hurt you, it’d probably be the first time you ever saw him tear up. ( Not that he’d let you see for long– tugging his hood back over his head and furiously wiping his sockets. )
Just because he can’t feel guilt, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t know when he’s in the wrong, and it also doesn’t mean he can’t feel sad because of what he did.
He truly does love you, even if it’s hard for people to pick up on sometimes, and they tell you that it’s a very “toxic, one-sided relationship.”
Because it isn’t. He has a fuck ton of trauma, the inability to sleep, LOVE 20, and a weird… under-the-surface fear of humans. But he loves you, despite it all, and you love him, too.
The Headcanon
Those with LV are very sensitive to intent. Not physically, of course, because they get more DEF and ATK when their LV climbs higher, but rather... emotionally?
They can tell what you're feeling more acutely, and so it can become overwhelming for them.
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xxcallmemaryxx · 4 months
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Hiiiii, haven’t been able to get enough of ur page oml, u write the ghouls amazingly. 😍
Could u please write how the ghouls would be with their s/o (she/her or they/them pronouns, whatever ur most comfortable w) that had been abused by their sibling during childhood so their scared of physical contact but super touch starved (just wants to be held) and scared of disappointing their peers so they just want to be perfect?
Not reflecting at all 😶
Just some comforting fluff?
I deeply apologise if this triggering in anyway, I couldn’t see anywhere that said what u r and what ur not comfortable w writing.
(Feel free to ignore)
Much love ❤️❤️❤️
Ghouls x GN reader
(Warning: talks of trauma, and upsetting situations but nothing descriptive. More just implying.)
Let me just preface this by saying every single one of the ghouls would be one million percent patient with you, they love intensely and they always want you to feel comfortable around them, so the ghouls will forever walk at *your* pace.
Mountain could sit in silence with you and consider that quality bonding time, so he would never expect anything from you that you’re not comfortable with. Of course he understands that this aspect of having some kind of a relationship with someone (romantic or platonic) frightens you, and he doesn’t take it lightly when you try to push yourself too far just to please… him? No. He can hear the way your heart races with panic and he can smell the fear that wafts off you when put in a position that may result in some kind of physical affection, even if you pretend you’re okay with it. So he will quite often remind you he is here for the long run, there is no rush to push yourself beyond what you’re ready for and he is ready to walk this path with you every step of the way, no matter how long it takes. Your presence alone is enough for him, your presence alone is all he needs. And when the time comes for you to feel okay with working on this part of yourself, you best believe Mountain is going to be so proud of every milestone you reach. He can see your frustration when your brain works against what your heart wants, but he has enough patience for the both of you. And he knows how strong you are, he knows damn well that one day you’ll be able to look back on how far you’ve come. And he can only hope that you’ll be as proud of yourself as he is.
Aether also has a lot of patience when it comes to this. He never wants to put any pressure on you to do anything with him that you’re not okay with. He understands your want to feel touch, he wants to touch you. He wants to hold you and feel you and bask in you, but he loves you so much that just smelling you around the ministry or even after you’ve been in his room is enough for him. Because it’s you he loves, and who you are and how you treat others, that’s what he sees. He doesn’t base his love for you off how much affection he gets, he will love you regardless. It means the world to him that despite what you’ve been through, you still trust him enough to share that with him and to be around him. Aether holds that trust you’ve given him so close to his heart, he swears if he ever broke it he would send himself back down to hell. At some point, you find yourself sitting next to Aether on his couch, pinkies interlinked after you’ve spend the better part of the night watching films on his tv. He doesn’t mention it, you don’t mention it. But that right there is a memory Aether will never ever forget, it marks the beginning of you becoming used to physical affection again. He wants to scream from the rooftops about how proud he is of you, but he keeps his cool and let’s you take it at your own pace. Although…you can basically see the pride he has for you radiating off him, which just reminds you that you definitely have an amazing ghoul with you.
Swiss is naturally an affectionate ghoul, he loves to just touch and feel and hold his loved ones. So when you share your past with him, and explain to him how difficult it is for you to feel comfortable with physical affection, he doesn’t see it as a bad thing. He understands that you’re learning to accept physical touch again, so for him… he is now learning what you are and are not okay with. In his head, this is just a journey the two of you are going to go on together. Learning along the way. Swiss is open to setbacks. Of course things are not going to go 100% smoothly, there are going to be times when the two of you need to take a few steps back together, before you can continue to move forward together. And Swiss is prepared for that, because ultimately that just means that he still gets to be here to see you grow and work towards what you want. What matters the most to him is that you are comfortable around him. As much as he would love to hold you, and as much as you would love that too, it doesn’t define how Swiss shows his love for you. He gets to see you everyday, he gets to talk to you everyday, he gets to share his life with you everyday and honestly… he couldn’t be more thankful. You both are learning together, and Swiss really sees that as genuine bonding. Because now you get to grow together. In 10 years from now you can look back on your lives together and see how much you’ve changed since now, that is what Swiss can hardly wait for. It won’t be easy but when that day comes, when he can wrap you up in his embrace and feel you against him… he will know it was all worth it. Every single second.
Rain cried. When you told him what happened and what you went through, he cried. You knew it was going to happen, your beautiful water ghoul feels emotions big time. But it was a conversation you needed to have with him. He immediately asks you what is okay and what isn’t okay, because he needs to know he isn’t going to accidentally overstep any boundaries or put you in an uncomfortable situation. Rain is an observer, he likes to pick up on things you do that tells him everything he needs to know, despite being able to smell it out of you anyways… but he spends a lot of time watching you. (Also because loves you so of course he’s gonna want to look at you). But one thing he notices is how you tend to keep close to him during stressful situations. Perhaps whilst in big crowds, when the whole ministry gets together for mass or for an event the clergy is holding. Or if the weather outside is really stormy and the loud thunder is making it hard to settle down, he’s noticed you tend to just keep a bit closer to him. His brain immediately goes into protector mode: safe safe safe need to keep you safe need to keep you safe. But he doesn’t touch you, or grab you. Instead, he steps just a little closer so you know he’s there and he just intensifies his scent. It completely encompasses you, so your brain knows he’s there but despite not being able to feel his physical body against you… you can still feel him around you. It only takes a few moments and he can smell the panic wafting off you dissipate. You don’t need to thank him, because he can just see it in the way you look at him. He lives to see you happy, and if he is the one making you happy then he doesn’t need anything else.
Phantom loses his mind when you tell him. He was actually the one that bought it up to you. After having received such affections from the other ghouls when he was summoned, his ghoul brain automatically wanted to share those same affections with you. He sees his lover and just wants to scoop you up. To show you what the other ghouls showed him. So when you avoided it, and when he could smell the panic coming off you every time he got too close for comfort he couldn’t stop the question falling from his mouth. He sat with you while you explained to him why, and he listened to every word. Until the moment you finished talking and he allowed it all to sink in… he took a few heated laps around your bedroom and then decided he needed to sit down for a minute. Got back up again a second later and felt like laps worked for him the first time so why stop now huh? Needless to say Phantom was livid. You did not deserve that and he hates you ever had to experience that. After that, he keeps his hands to himself but he just can’t help but keep close to you. He hovers… and you don’t even think he notices when he’s doing it. He told you right away that his arms will be open for you the moment you are ready, there’s no time limit and there’s no pressure. For as long as he is still breathing then his arms will always be open for you (metaphorically and literally). There’s no getting rid of him after this either, no matter how many breakdowns, no matter how many setbacks, no matter how many times you try to tell him it’s just not worth it and you wouldn’t blame him if he wasn’t happy with you anymore… he looks you square in the eyes, and tells you there’s not a thing in the universe that could drive him away. He is here for you. And he will always be here for you.
Dewdrop didn’t start out being very affectionate, you’d kind of mentioned to him briefly how you weren’t too crash hot on it and he didn’t question it. Until the two of you got to a point in your relationship where even Dew felt like maybe there should be a little more touching going on… so he just outright asked you how you felt about it. And then he saw you tense up. And he watched avoid his eyes. And he sniffed out the immediate worry radiating off you the second he said the word “touching”. For a moment he thought he was the problem… that maybe he’d accidentally said or done something that made you uncomfortable early on in the relationship and so he’d lost any right he had to touch you. And in that brief moment he swore to Him that he would do anything in his power to work on fixing that and to never make you feel like that again. When he learned the truth… well. As much as he tried to keep himself calm, it wasn’t easy. But of course he couldn’t stop thinking about how he immediately wanted to do anything he could to never make you feel like that again… Dewdrop was prepared to walk barefoot across the planet if you asked him too. The patience Dew holds with you is unreal. He is quick to remind you to settle down and listen to yourself and what your body is telling you if you try to push yourself beyond what you’re mentally ready for. He wants you to enjoy touching him and being touched by him, when it happens. He doesn’t want you to do it if you’re trying to do it just for his sake. This is for both of your sakes. This whole experience with you has been quite a learning experience for Dew too. He has realised a lot about himself, and how deeply he really feels when it comes down to the people he holds dear. He looks at you and realises you two have forever together. You’re both as safe as possible within the walls of the ministry, and even if you weren’t he would protect you. He will never not be angry about what you went through, but he reminds himself to focus on what you need now, so long as he can pick up your lingering scent around his room every day, he will be a happy ghoul.
.
.
.
Every time I write some headcannons they get longer and longer with each ghoul omg..
Also Thankyou to this anon, I added a little list pretty much outlining some things that I wouldn’t be okay with writing - on my pinned post!
That was a great idea!!
Also also, sending you lots of love I hope you’re okay <3 <3
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bookshelf-dust · 1 year
Text
really know him
Tumblr media
part i part ii part iii part iv
eddie munson x fem!reader
word count: 3,987
warnings: swearing, slight sexual innuendos, mentions of past trauma, reader has tough relationship with parents, fluff (let me know if i missed anything)
a/n: hi!! yeah, yeah, it’s been an entire month since you got the first part of this and i’m sorry, i swear!! but school has been kicking the shit out of me. anyways, i’m happy with this, and i think it’s given this story a good sort of push in the right direction. there is one line that is hopper’s dialogue that you might catch. i hope you like it!!! love you and happy reading <333
“You see things, and you understand. You’re a wallflower.”
————
Eddie’s mouth is full when Wayne speaks. The food hasn’t even cooled off enough for anyone normal to eat it, but Eddie doesn’t care. He’s so fucking hungry. He swears he feels like this—like he’s never eaten before—at least once a day. 
“How long you and Y/N been seein’ each other?” Wayne’s got his arms crossed on the tabletop, letting his dinner cool some while his nephew allows noodles and cheese to burn the shit out of the roof of his mouth. 
Eddie knows it’s just Hamburger Helper but it’s so fucking good. He swallows, and takes a sip of his drink before he responds. 
Eddie’s leg starts to bounce and Wayne gently kicks his calf to get him to quit and take a breather. It works, like it always does. 
“How do you know her name? And we aren’t seeing each other. We’re friends.” He shoves more noodles in his mouth and chews for a minute while he thinks. Wayne just watches him, the beginnings of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. 
“Well, acquaintances, I guess.”
Wayne snorts. “I don’t think you have acquaintances at twenty, Ed.”
Eddie rolls his eyes and stabs his fork into the center of his bowl. He wipes his hands and moves his hair from where it’s slipped over his shoulders. 
His hair is wet. 
Ever since Eddie was a kid, a little while after Wayne got him, he’s tried to take his shower while Wayne fixes dinner with the goal of being finished by the time the food is on the table. He did that very same thing today. 
He does it even when they get takeout and tries to shower in the time Wayne is gone. He does it in the time it takes his frozen pizza to cook when he has to eat alone because Hellfire runs past the time Wayne leaves for work. 
Selfishly, Wayne hopes Eddie keeps this up. It makes him happy to see that childlike attitude run rampant. 
“I know her name because she’s lived here since her parents had her. I know everybody in this godforsaken park.”
Eddie takes a sip of his Dr. Pepper, slurping it obnoxiously. “Pulling the old and wise thing, huh?”
Wayne reaches the slim distance across the tiny table and wacks Eddie on the head, though it’s absolutely void of malice. “Ow!” Eddie exclaims as if he’s been brutally beaten. 
“And we aren’t seeing each other. I haven’t talked to her since before she graduated, actually. I just saw her the other night and we’ve just been…” Eddie gestures with his hands, flailing for a word or anything to describe what’s happening between you and him. 
You’re not friends. Right? 
And you’re definitely not anything more, but it’s not like Eddie would mind that. Being more. He’s sort of always had a thing for you. He’s never told anyone that. 
Maybe it had been a little subdued, but seeing you the other night had it rushing back, a wave crashing over and toppling him. 
Eddie’s been kind of worried about you since, actually. You didn’t want to talk about why you were upset, and he respected that, but he still wanted to know. He really didn’t like seeing you that way, and he wants to fix it, but he can’t if you don’t let him in. 
“Hanging out,” Eddie finally finishes, dropping his hands. 
Wayne takes the last few bites of his dinner and looks at his nephew. It’s not hard for Wayne to see that his boy feels something for you. Not with the blush spreading across Eddie’s cheeks. 
It’s like when Eddie was young and he’d ride his bike through the trailer park, or to a friend's house and he’d come back flushed. He looks out of breath. But he’s feeling this way because of you. 
Wayne thinks that’s pretty damn special. He thinks there’s something in you that’s opening up a part of Eddie he’s never seen before. Like you’re cracking open his boyish soul.
“Hanging out?”
Eddie chugs the rest of his Dr. Pepper, pretending like he’s not being interrogated. He gets up and pulls another from the fridge, setting the other by the sink where he can rinse it out later. 
He spoons more food into his bowl. They’re definitely not going to have leftovers.
“Yes, Wayne.”
“Does it still count as hanging out if you haven’t even gone out?” 
“Jesus H. Christ, we’re friends okay?”
Wayne laughs. It’s one of Eddie’s favorite sounds in the world, but he’s never told his uncle that. 
Wayne stands, taking his dishes to the sink to wash. He rinses out Eddie’s can and tosses it in the recycling bin.
“Hey, I was gonna do that!” Eddie whines.
“No you weren’t, Ed. But anyways, your friend can come over anytime she likes.”
Eddie drops his forehead against the countertop, face burning. He’s supposed to be too old for this shit.
————
Your parents aren’t home. In fact, they’re gone for the weekend, which means you’re alone. It means that the trailer is quiet and you don’t have to lock yourself in your bedroom or storm outside and cry on a rickety picnic table. 
You’re taking advantage of the free couch when you hear the mailman outside. You hop up, knowing that if you don’t collect all of the mail you’ll hear about it. But this also gives you your chance to be nosy and see what kinds of things your parents are being sent. 
You hop down the steps, wishing you’d put on a jacket because it’s a lot chillier than you’d expected. You meander down the road a little ways to the row of mailboxes containing yours. 
You’re nose deep, retrieving the newspaper and a small stack of what you’re sure is mostly junk, when a car door slams and makes you jump. 
You use your elbow to close the mailbox door, and when you spin around you’re met with a cheesy grin and a mess of curls belonging to one Eddie Munson. 
“Jesus Christ,” you smile, “Hi, Eddie.”
He grins, spinning his key ring around his index finger. “Hey. How are we this afternoon, m’lady?”
“Okay. Just get done with school, buddy?”
“Oh fuck you,” Eddie laughs. It makes you grin and Eddie thinks he’s swooning. Like, big time. 
Your eyes crinkle and these sweet lines form around your mouth. You’re so pretty. So pretty, he thinks. 
“But yeah.” Eddie scratches his nose like he wants to say more but he needs a second before he goes for it. “Passed a quiz today and everything,” he finishes. 
He doesn’t usually talk about his academic-related endeavors with anyone, but he’s got this feeling that you’ll be supportive. You’ve never once looked at him like he was stupid, or didn’t deserve your time. 
One day towards the end of your first and only senior year, the both of you sat in the back of the class, your nose buried in a book, and Eddie had placed a finger against the page to get your attention. He’d said he wasn’t graduating, and you didn’t judge him. Maybe that’s why he’s always had this thing for you. Because you don’t think he’s this piece of shit freak.
Your grin gets bigger. It’s so much better than the sad way you looked at him the other night.
“Oh yeah? That’s so good! I’m proud of you, Eddie.”
Eddie blushes. You see it. He feels it. There’s no going around this and suddenly he’s afraid you’ll point it out. 
You don’t. You just tuck that little bit of information—that Eddie seems fond of praise—away for another time. 
A letter slips from your hand but Eddie is quick to catch it, before it even hits the ground. 
“Sorry,” you say.
“It’s okay.” He slides it in between two other pieces of mail from the stack tucked in the crook of your arm. 
The both of you stand there awkwardly then, you not knowing what to do next, Eddie realizing he didn’t really have a plan for what he was going to say when he came over here. 
You turn a little, like you’re going to walk back towards your home, and Eddie freaks out inside. He doesn’t want you to go. Again. Dammit. He’s totally done for. And even Wayne had seen it, hadn’t he? Fuck. 
You decide to go for it. “Do you wanna come inside for a while? I mean, of course you don’t have to, at all, but you know, if you wanted to…shit, I don’t know,” you falter. “I guess I just thought, since you’re here—”
“Sure. I mean, as long as you’re sure, but yeah,” he drags a hand over his face, lashes leaving shadows on the skin under his eyes, to hide the fact that he’s gone shy at your offer. “Yeah, I want to.”
The words hanging out flash through his mind and Eddie has the sudden urge to bang his head against a wall. 
You take that as your queue, walking towards and then up your porch steps. “I’m assuming you’re following me,” you say, pulling the screen door open. 
Eddie was not, in fact, following you, too off in his own world. He clambers up behind you, holding the door open above your head while you push your way inside. He pulls it shut after he steps up, watching you toss the mail on the counter and move around your home. 
There’s something interesting to him about watching you like this. Where you look calm. 
You flop down on the couch, patting the cushion beside you. Eddie follows your flop with an even more aggressive one, leather and chain making quite the noise as his weight settles into the sofa. 
Eddie notices how quiet it is, and he can’t stand that. His brain doesn’t allow quiet. 
“Your parents at work or something?” He inquires. 
You move so that your back is to the arm of the couch and you’re now facing the boy you’ve just let in, pulling your legs up underneath you. 
“They’re out for the weekend. Visiting in laws or something like that. I said I had too much homework to do so I could get out of it, which is true, I do have homework, I just didn’t want to go.”
Eddie shifts to mirror your position, lanky limbs splaying out a little less gracefully. He’s smiling at you again. It starts small, a slow grin spreading across his face. 
“What are you smiling for, dumbass?”
He tosses his head back and your gaze falls to his neck for just a second. Though a second long enough for you to think about what it would feel like against your fingers—
He looks back at you. “Didn’t you just say you were proud of me for making an academic achievement?”
“I did. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t still a dumbass.”
Eddie snorts. “Well, at least it’s not ‘freak.’”
You cross your arms, feeling a little angry about how people have treated him in the past. “You’re not a freak.”
He scratches at his chin and you notice it looks like he might not have shaved in a few days. “Maybe in some ways I am.” 
You run both hands over your face, trying to suppress the burning deep in your belly. “I bet so,” you mumble. You lower your hands just enough to look over them and Eddie quirks a brow at you. 
You start to laugh behind your fingers and it makes him do the same until you’re both sitting there giggling like children over an immature joke. 
“So you’re gonna be alone all weekend?” Eddie manages to ask through a breathy laugh. 
“Yeah,” you sigh. “It’s not the first time, Munson.”
Eddie is home alone all the time, but for some reason he doesn’t like the idea of you being alone like that. He wants you safe. Comfortable.
The words are tumbling out of his mouth before he can stop them. “Why don’t you spend the night with me?”
“Huh?”
“You know, so you don’t have to be alone and whatnot.” He gestures with his hands. He’s scrambling for even a fraction of proper brain function at this point. It’s evading him. 
“Eddie.”
“Come on. You literally have to walk across the road.”
You stare at him and he stares right back. Eddie studies the lines of your face, the color of your eyes, the way you’ve got a crease between your brows because of how hard you’re thinking this over. It looks like you’re contemplating a life or death situation. That situation is Eddie. Spending the night with Eddie Munson. 
“Are you sure about this? You literally watched me sob a few days ago and now you want me to just hang out in your house? I could be a murderer.”
Eddie spins the ring on his marriage finger around and around. “Are you? A murderer?” “Not last time I checked.” He laughs. “Then I don’t see the problem here.” “We barely know each other.” “How are we supposed to get to know each other if we don’t hang out? Isn’t that what sleepovers are for anyways?”
“That makes it sound like you’ve never had a sleepover before.” Eddie pulls his knee up and rests his chin on top of it, pale skin peeking out from the tears in his jeans. “Does being too stoned to drive home and passing out on your friends couch count? Or on his bedroom floor?”
That makes you laugh and the sight of your smile makes Eddie feel exponentially better. He’s starting to think it could heal any ailment. “There she is,” he says, swatting your calf with the back of his hand. It makes you burn and you think about when you actually held his hand. You want to do it again. 
You look around your living room, trying to avoid the big brown eyes you can feel boring into you. One look and you’ll give in–you just know it. 
“Okay. I’ll spend the night with you.”
“Ha! I knew you’d say that.” Eddie jumps up, clearly excited. He juts out a hand in your direction and you just look at it. “Come on,” he says, tilting his head to the side. 
You slip your hand into his and let him pull you up. “No more m’lady’s?” you ask. 
Eddie grins brilliantly. He looks boyish, like he’s just found some new bug he needs to show you. “I’ll give you as many m’lady’s as you want. Now come on and pack your shit. We’ve got bonding to do.”
————
“Is this really necessary?”
“Lift that corner, yeah! See? You got it.” Eddie watches you step around the mess that is his bedroom floor and help him heave his mattress up off the box spring. Once you’ve got it up, he starts to walk backwards and guide the both of you—sort of blindly—down the hall. “And yes, this is completely necessary.”
“If you say so,” you grunt, almost knocking a picture frame off the wall. 
“Let me live for fucks sake,” Eddie says. He’d already moved the coffee table out of the way, so you’re able to just drop the mattress on the floor in front of the couch. 
Eddie stands across from you, slightly out of breath which you find a little funny. “You can go put your pajamas on if you want,” he tells you. 
You grin. “Oh, can I?” 
The both of you had already eaten, Eddie having ordered a pizza because there was legitimately nothing to eat anywhere. His sleepover planning was admittedly very poor. But yeah, he wanted you to go put your pjs on so he could actually do something he’d come up with. 
“Yes. You can. Hurry it up m’lady, we have shit to watch.”
You give him a two finger salute. “Whatever you say, boss.”
Eddie waits for you to make it to his room and shut the door behind you before he gets to work. He changes the bottom sheet–the only sheet he uses because he finds top sheets obnoxious–on his mattress and shoves it in the washing machine to take care of later. He’ll probably forget and Wayne will berate him, but it’ll have been worth it. 
He opens the linen closet and pulls out a new sheet and some of the others that are in there. He pulls out the best blanket for you too, the really thick one that they don’t use all that often. Eddie looks at it for just a second before tossing it on the couch, remembering the day he came to Wayne’s. The day that this became his home too. Wayne had done something similar to this, actually. He’d let Eddie sleep with him. That night had been so hard and Eddie was just a kid.
Finally he gets back to work, sheet having been changed, dining chairs moved to either side of the mattress closest to the couch. 
Eddie puts one end of the sheet he’s using on the back of the sofa, stacking his D&D handbooks on top of it in hopes that it will hold. He steps back tentatively, hands up like he’s surrendering. “Stay,” he mutters, eyeing the books. 
He stretches the sides of the sheet over the backs of the chairs, using chip bag clips to keep it in place. The end result is a sort of canopy over his mattress. Eddie thinks it’s one hell of a fort, actually. He’s sat on the edge, looking through a stack of VHS tapes when you come out. 
Eddie looks up at you, doe eyes on full display. He looks so pretty, and even prettier when you realize what he’s made. You bring a hand up to your mouth, automatically sticking your nail just in between your lips to hide your growing smile. 
Eddie thinks you look gorgeous like this: pajamas too big for you, socked feet shuffling across the floor. You look comfortable. 
“Eddie.”
He stands. “You like it? I mean, it’s definitely unstable and we’re gonna have to be careful, but I think it’s kinda nice. I gotta get pillows, though.”
“I do like it,” you say, moving your hand from your face. You’re trying not to be nervous around him when he’s being so kind to you. So welcoming. “You didn’t have to do all of this just for me.”
Eddie crosses his arms. “You think I did this for you? I hate to break it to you, but I do this sort of thing all the time.” You giggle at him, seeing right through his antics. He likes that—that you don’t seem scared of him. That you don’t look at him like he’s mean. 
He grabs for your sleeve where you’re tugging at a loose thread on it, trying to get you to quit from fidgeting. He knows what that feels like. But he wants you to know that it’s just him. It’s just Eddie, and you’re more than safe with Eddie, contrary to what the rest of Hawkins might think. 
“I’m just kidding,” he tells you, eyes boring into yours. “I wanted to.”
You fight to keep eye contact with him. He really shouldn’t hold this kind of power, but he does.
“Thank you.”
“The pleasure was all mine, m’lady.” He bows, and you swat at his shoulder. He’s still snickering when he disappears into his room to change. 
————
You hadn’t meant to match pajama bottoms, but when Eddie had seen yours, he knew he should put his similar ones on. 
So now, here you sit, in your designated fort, and wearing matching plaid pants. Eddie has his arm around your shoulder, and you’ve tucked yourself into his side. Your hand keeps creeping along his stomach, and Eddie knows you're working up the courage to wrap your arm fully around his waist. 
When you’d felt the weight of him settle over your shoulders, your breath had hitched, but Eddie took it in stride. “It’s just me,” he’d said. And that had seemed to calm you down. 
Eddie had let you pick the movie, and you’d chosen Gremlins, which he was more than happy to watch with you. He thought watching something the both of you had already seen would not only ease some tension, but make it so that you could talk during the film if you wanted. 
On the screen, Gizmo propels himself upward on a snow shovel, and you giggle at his screams as he flies through the air. 
“Sorry,” you say to Eddie, chest shaking with laughter. He snorts at your hysterics. 
After you’ve finally hooked your arm around him fully, and the movie is coming to an end, Eddie decides to breach the topic that’s been bugging him since that night. 
“Any chance you might wanna talk about why you were so upset the other night?” He hopes he hasn’t overstepped, that he hasn’t pushed too far too quickly. 
You move your hand and he worries you’ll retract it completely, but you just sit up, still pressed next to him, just no longer clinging to him. You tuck your fingers under his knee where his leg is stretched out beside you. He welcomes the gesture. 
“I just had an argument with my parents, is all. Got upset, but you saw that.”
He turns to look at you, and you look back for a second before continuing to watch the movie. “Was it bad?”
“Just loads of yelling, on their part. They’re very good at hurting my feelings.” 
“I’m sorry,” Eddie says, and he means it. You look at him then, and you smile. It’s soft, but it tells him all he needs to know. You’re hurting, but you’re used to it. He hates that he understands. 
“It’s okay. It’s just that college is hard, and then I come home and I’m tired, and then they want to fuss at me for everything and nothing. Sometimes I feel like I’m some kind of black hole or something.”
Your fingers squeeze Eddie’s knee a little. He pulls your hand from his leg and intertwines your fingers with his. There’s a little part of you that warms, that screams, hand holding, hand holding! You’re glad he’s holding your hand. 
“They fucking suck for making you feel that way, you know.” That makes you grin, so Eddie keeps going. “You don’t deserve to feel that way. Not even a little bit. The entire time I’ve known you, even if we haven’t been more than acquaintances, you’ve been a sweetheart. You’ve been kind, and understanding.”
Your eyes water but you refuse to cry in front of him a second time. He’s just being so nice. 
“Thank you, Eddie.” You drop your forehead against his shoulder, and he kisses your hairline. You burn at the feeling of his lips, full and warm, against your skin. 
“You’re safe with me, you know. You can come over wherever you want. And we can watch Gremlins,” he finishes with a breathy laugh. 
“I really appreciate that.”
Eddie looks into your eyes. There’s something sweet behind them. He nods. 
“What do you wanna do when you’re done with school anyhow?” he asks, realizing a little too late that you’ve probably been asked that a hundred times, but how else is he supposed to figure out the answer. 
“I’d like to write,” you tell him.
“Like, books and shit?” He’s not teasing. He’s really asking. 
“That’d be nice, yeah.” It really would. The big unattainable dream.
“That’s very metal of you. Maybe I’ll get you to help me plot a campaign sometime. The stories can get a little tricky in this fucked up brain of mine,” Eddie says. 
“Really?” You look excited at the idea.
“Sure thing, sweetheart.” The smile on his face is brilliant. 
“Maybe I’ll even teach you how to play. If you want.”
“That’d be nice too, Eddie.”
————
please let me know if you liked this! feedback is always appreciated!! comments and reblogs mean more than you know. <33
tagging: @ajkamins @golddustwitches @copycatkillerfics @prestinalove @zaypay @clovermunson
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hana-no-seiiki · 1 year
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Idk if this is a request or something but I just wanted to get it out there before I forget it. How would the batfam react to a batsis coming from the last of us universe?( the last of us is a zombie apocalypse type game.) How would they react to all of batsis PTSD from being born in a world over ran by zombie’s and learning to survive at a young age. How would they help them? How would they react if they ever were transported to there(batsis) world?
Sorry for this random ask I just wanted to get this out there before I forget about it. Anyway hope you have a great week!
SOFT YANDERE BATFAM x THE LAST OF US! READER BRAINROT
Recently had a TLOU brainrot (at this point it’s more of a heartrot with how devastating the story is eugh) so this came at a perfect timing. I’m guessing batsib (I’ll make it gn I hope you don’t mind anon) has a similar life to elle if they’re not just elle entirely.
I think Batsib would have to be close to the boys before they eventually spill their guts (aka their severe trauma out).
Like when they’re at least 60% there on the yan scale of things.
They see signs like you being hella adamant on the boys at least trying to fix their relationship with Bruce since you know the most out of everyone how it feels to lose a father figure.
You’re the closest with Jason purely because you both have baggage, and luckily you like to talk about it and sort it out.
Your whole life had been the apocalypse so going to Gotham and seeing everything in its prime fascinated you. When the Batfam first took you in due to your status as an anomaly, it took very little to impress you.
But it also took a lot to terrify you.
If we’re going full on Ellie! Reader here then them (batfam) seeing that huge bite mark on your arms, presumably after you’ve dumped info on your past and your reality, almost turned them feral.
It was that moment they decided to never let you go back.
You’re allowed to join them with their vigilante activities as long as you were under strict surveillance.
Bruce is kind of off-put by your nonchalance when it comes to beating up people to a pulp. He had to jump in and stop you from completely killing a dude.
Jason on the other hand approves. Definitely eggs you on.
The rest of the boys, as is my headcannon with any violent MC, get turned on when they see you covered in blood.
In summary, they definitely cherish you more. The spoiling is dialed up to eleven. And since you didn’t know much of the world prior to its apocalypse state, they wouldn’t lock you up like in most cases and instead bring you to explore as much as you’d like.
There is a sick part of them that enjoys your PTSD and how dependent (and distrusting of others) you can be because of it. So unless it gets really bad where you can’t get sleep at all I can see them just not trying to get help for you.
ON THE MORE WHOLESOME SIDE:
I am now imagining reader going to a museum with them all and just climbing the fossil in front of like dozens of people while screaming “LOOK AT ME I’M ON A MOTHERFUCKING DINOSAURRRR!”
Bruce definitely had to pay a lot for that
and all the younger ones + Dick cause he’s Dick throwing fedora hats on all the dinos??? please im on my knees that’s too cute augh-
If they were ever transported in your world, it’d definitely be the other way around. Say you aren’t like Ellie and are completely susceptible to the infection- oof you might as well just be in jail.
They’ll disinfect everything. Masks 24/7. Generally just extremely careful as to not get infected or infect you in any shape or form.
Tim has already researched on fungal infections so you bet he’s ready. Wouldn’t be surprised if he single-handedly ends the apocalypse with how thorough he was. Him, Dick, and Alfred focus more on taking care of you.
Jason and Damian are more with survival and the annihilation of anything that may be dangerous to you within the vicinity. May it be zombies, thieves, the military and what not.
Bruce is probably tinkering on more equipment and helping Tim with actually getting rid of the fungi. The former will definitely use his charm and looks to get more supplies.
In short, these dudes have everything on lockdown.
You’ll wish you didn’t come back to your original world.
A.N. I hope this was to your liking anon!
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mysoftboybensolo · 10 months
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Is there an Asexual Problem in the Shadow and Bone Fandom?
(trigger warning: mentions of sexual assault)
This is something I have been pondering for a long while now, and with the recent season really made me consider it more. I want to state before going into this that I am a demisexual, in case this changes anyone’s mind of what I am about to say. Before going into my spiel, here are some terms I feel need to be explained; Asexual, meaning a person who experiences no sexual feelings or desires, not feeling sexually attracted to another; Aromantic, meaning a person who experiences little to no romantic attraction or feelings towards another; Demisexual, meaning a person who develops sexual feelings or attraction to another only after developing a close relationship, not based on first impressions or physical attributes; Allosexual, meaning a person who experiences sexual attraction of a regular basis. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s begin.
I feel as if there is an Ace problem in the Shadow and Bone fandom because it feels like everyone has things mixed up and is unaware of what the definition of asexual is, but there are a few people on here that I have interacted with, who came across more acephobic when discussing these topics. It also doesn’t help that there was a major issue with one of the writers posting a picture of two of the actors with a caption that was very, whether she meant to or not, offensive and harmful. But let’s talk about why I think there may be an ace issue in the fandom.
My first problem is how people view mainly Kaz, but also Inej. It is really bothersome when people say that they are asexual due to trauma. You can headcanon them as asexual if you have something else to back it up other than relying on trauma. Why? Because it’s harmful. Coming out to my friends and family that I was demisexual wasn’t always easy, because some immediately thought that it meant something was wrong. I was asked straight out by one person if I had been sexually assaulted and if that is the reason why I claimed I was demisexual, with someone even suggesting I go to therapy for it. This happens to people on the ace spectrum more than people think, leading to the allo-sexual people believing in the myth that being asexual means “broken” or “damaged”. It has been known to happen that a character can be both asexual and traumatized, but their sexuality shouldn’t be based on what their trauma is. Imagine asking a lesbian if they prefer women because they had a bad experience with a man. Doesn’t that sound incredibly offensive? It’s the same thing with ace-spectrum people.
Kaz and Inej do want each other, there are more than three passages which talks about their desires for each other. I personally headcanon them as demisexual, mainly because in those times the narration talks of desire, it’s always to each other, but that is just me. There is no denying that they want each other, just held back by their own traumas, and how they both want to heal in order to achieve intimacy. Quite literally, at the end of Crooked Kingdom, they are holding hands without gloves, and it shows that they are healing and want to try to further their physical relationship, and it doesn’t take away the great emotional bond that they have together.
Trauma is something that should be healed, it should not be something a person carries throughout their life, preventing them from living a healthy and happy life. Hearing people say that there can’t be anything more between them even in the future because they are asexual due to trauma feels like you don’t want them to heal from their abusive past. The fact that Kaz can’t even hold hands with her is sad, the fact that people touch Inej and she’s back at the menagerie is tragic, they should be able to have the chance to have simple intimacies with people, regardless of whether or not you want them to have sex. If your only argument as to why a character is asexual is “trauma” then you are doing it wrong.
The other problem I have is Tolya. I love Tolya, he’s a great character, and I know that many people who watch the show may have not read the books, but he is aro-ace. In Rule of Wolves, Nikolai asks Tolya why he is single, the text says “Tolya shrugged his huge shoulders. ‘I have my faith, my books, I never wanted more.’”, which is as close to saying aro-ace without saying the words (x). People have taken the tiny moment between him and Inej as something possibly romantic, and I hope the show doesn’t go that route, not just because Kanej is endgame, but because it would be stripping away the proper ace-spectrum representation the fandom needs. But what bothers me more is how fans, who may not know this, are being told by others why they don’t like the relationship will react harshly, saying that it’s not set in stone, that Tolya is whatever they want him to be.
So, a character who isn’t ace in the source material is suddenly ace, but then a different character who is ace in the source material suddenly isn’t. This is a problem. I was talking about this with another blog and their response was to say that it isn’t set in stone, how dare I try to change his sexuality, and I just don’t want Inej to have nice things. I didn’t change anything about his sexuality, it’s that way in the books, and the show never said what his sexuality is or isn’t, and this idea that Inej deserves someone who can touch her is incredibly offensive. This is similar to the one writer who made an Instagram post with Amita and Lewis, with a comment that says “Sometimes you need some skin on skin” link right here (x). This is incredibly offensive, to suggest that the only way a fulfilling relationship is through physical means, erasing Inej’s trauma, making fun to the point of being ableist of Kaz, and ignoring that Tolya is canonically aro-ace.
Diversity is incredibly important, there is no denying that, and as someone on the ace-spectrum, I always look for it, but when there is an actual character who is shown to be on the spectrum, it is incredibly disrespectful to change that just because you want to ship them with someone else. Imagine if Tolya was gay and you changed him to being straight because you liked him with a female character, that would have been bad. It’s the same thing.
In short, being ace is not a result of trauma, people should be allowed to heal, and don’t change character’s sexual/romantic preferences just for your own shipping needs.
 Tagging: @foxhellvar @darklingswhore @manikas-whims @smolandweirdwriter @lixiesbabyhands @lyannarhaegars @quillsthrills @freddycartr @freddycarterus 
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babydollmarauders · 1 year
Text
THE GREAT WAR — JACK HUGHES
jack hughes x fem!reader
part of the Midnights Fic List
summary: in which y/n sees a picture of Jack talking to a girl at a bar and her insecurities come to light. // the night y/n accuses Jack of cheating and they almost break up.
specific lyrics: “and maybe it’s the past that’s talking, screaming from the crypt. telling me to punish you for things you never did.” and “somewhere in the haze, got a sense i’ve been betrayed.” and “that was the night i nearly lost you. i really thought i’d lost you.”
warnings: past relationship trauma, mentions of cheating (but no actual cheating), not proofread.
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my past relationships were a graveyard of toxicity. full of cheating exes, manipulation, and verbal abuse. i accepted the love i thought i deserved. i would stay with these guys for months or possibly longer before being convinced by my friends to break up with them. but the cycle came to an end when i met Jack.
he’s kind, caring, loyal, loving, and always made sure that i knew how much he appreciated me. maybe that’s why i had so much trust in him. it’s why i never felt the need to check his snap map and find out where he was, or file through his instagram dm’s to see if he was talking to other girls. it’s why i felt comfortable and content staying at home if he wanted to go out and celebrate a win with his team; like tonight.
but somewhere in the haze of love and admiration, i’ve got a sense that i’ve been led astray and possibly betrayed. maybe it’s my past sneaking up on me and placing doubts in my head, maybe it’s insecurities overtaking my mind. all i know is that in this moment, laying in our bed, time has frozen as i’m locked on a picture of him talking to a girl at a club. with the Devils winning their game tonight, he had told me he would be going out with a few of the guys to celebrate, even offered for me to come, but i had a migraine and i didn’t feel like partying tonight, so i had given him the go ahead to go without me. i trusted him, i figured he would go out and have some drinks and then come home and slip in bed with me. but with this picture posted five minutes ago by a fan account claiming he was spotted flirting in a club in Hoboken, all my worst fears have come to light.
logically, i know i shouldn’t jump to conclusions. that the account could be wrong and that i should trust my boyfriend more than to assume he would try and cheat on me. but i’m here, and they’re there. i have no idea what could’ve been happening, maybe they’re right. this girl is definitely prettier than me by a tenfold, i can’t even blame him. maybe she doesn’t have the relationship trauma that i do, maybe she’s better than me in every inconceivable way. i don’t know, but now he does.
turning off my phone and dropping it on my nightstand, i spend the next hour tossing and turning. my mind constantly drifting to where my boyfriend may be, what he might be doing. and when it passed twelve thirty and he still wasn’t home like he usually would be, i immediately jump to the conclusion that i was right. he cheated on me. all my previous boyfriends have, so why wouldn’t he? there’s something wrong with me. i’m not enough. i’m not worthy of one of the great loves. this is what i must come to accept.
it’s around one thirty in the morning when i finally hear the distant sound of the front door opening and closing, Jack’s footsteps quiet once he’s taken off his shoes and i know he’s tiptoeing in order to avoid waking me. but i’m already awake. which he discovers when he opens our bedroom door.
“hey, baby.” he gives me a soft smile, making his way over to press a kiss to my forehead. “what are you doing awake?”
his clothes aren’t disheveled like my previous lovers would’ve been after a rendezvous, and he doesn’t smell like perfume.
maybe she doesn’t wear perfume.
“who is she?” my voice is barely above a whisper, but he makes out what i said. his brows furrow in confusion, and i have to hand it to him, he does look genuinely confused.
“who?” he asks. i grab my phone, pulling the picture back up. shoving the device into his hands.
“her.”
“oh. i don’t know.” he shrugs, turning the phone off and placing it back on my nightstand. “she came up to me and said she was at the game. congratulated me on the win. why? do you know her?”
“no. i figured you did. the caption said you were flirting with her.” i shrug, trying to feign indifference. he huffs out a laugh, stripping down to change into his pajamas.
“flirting with her? i think i spoke about five words to her before i went back to the guys.” he tells me, pulling his pj pants on. his brows form a ‘v’ and he looks back at me. “wait- do you think i was cheating on you? or even trying to?”
i shrug, not giving him a proper response, and it only seems to frustrate him.
“what the hell, y/n?” his voice is a mix of anger and hurt.
“what?” i mumble.
“when have i ever given the impression that i want anyone else?” he asks.
“none of the others gave the impression.” i explain. “they just, did it.”
“well i’m not your exes, y/n/n. i’m not the self-centered assholes that you used to date.” his words are harsh, and finger pointing. sounding like he’s putting blame more on me for dating them in the first place than the actual guys who used me. “i thought we established that a long time ago.”
“all i know is i’ve been in this position before and they were lying.” i rise from the bed now, sick of feeling lower than him in more ways than one.
“so you think i’m lying? is that it?” he raises his voice, obviously not happy with my accusations.
he’s deflecting.
“i don’t know!” i yell back. “i don’t know anymore!”
“right.” his one worded response is spoken scarily calm, joined by a nod of his head. he wanders around the room, slipping a t-shirt on and grabbing clothes off of wire hangers from our closet, stuffing them in a duffle bag.
“what are you doing?” i ask him, frantic and nervous.
“i’m not staying here while you accuse me of things i haven’t done. i’m going to sleep at Nico’s.” he tells me.
“you’re just gonna leave?” he zips up the bag, walking out of our bedroom. i follow him down the hall like a shadow, attached to him.
“i don’t know how we’re gonna work if you can’t trust me.” he says, slipping his shoes back on. he grabs his keys from the hook and turns back to me. “i love you. but i can’t be with you if you’re not gonna at least try and trust me. you asked me who she was, i told you the truth, and you still can’t accept that someone might love you enough to choose you.”
i don’t even get to respond before he leaves, too frozen to form words. my lips are parted and i stand in the entryway for a good five minutes before the weight of what just happened finally falls on me. crumpling to the floor in a mess of sobs and useless pleas for him to come back. Nico’s apartment is only a couple floors above our own, he must already be there, so my words are worthless now.
this has never happened before. he was telling the truth and i couldn’t even believe him because i’m so broken by my previous experiences. i knew that he didn’t do anything. i knew that he loves me and he would never do anything to purposefully hurt me, but my past was screaming at me not to listen to him, not to believe him because we’ve seen this before. but i was right this time. not my past. me.
i’ve lost him. i lost him because i couldn’t believe that he would choose me over another girl.
it feels like years before i’m able to move myself to our bedroom, when in reality it was probably more like twenty minutes. in bed, curled into the fetal position with tears still streaming down my face, i’m unable to fall asleep once more. tossing and turning for the second time tonight, only this time, due to my own actions.
**
i’ve lost track of the time. the sun beams in through the open window blinds now, but i’ve yet to sleep. i ran out of tears hours ago, now just blankly staring at the wall as i replay the events of last night in my head for what must be the millionth time. my heart aches in my chest and my head hurts from all the crying and the lack of sleep.
i’m zoned out. apparently enough that i don’t hear the sound of the front door or the footsteps echoing through the apartment. i don’t notice the dip of the bed or someone else’s breathing. it isn’t until i feel an arm snake around my waist that i know Jack has returned. i jolt in surprise when his skin presses against mine, and i turn over to look at his face. he looks just as rough as i feel.
“you left.” i state, my voice raspy from disuse and the sobs i let out mere hours ago.
“and i came back.” he whispers, tucking an awry strand of hair behind my ear. “i just needed some time to think.”
“oh.”
“Nico helped me realize that i need to be patient. you’ve trusted me this long, and i can’t expect everything to be sunshine and rainbows. you’ve been through hell. you’re so strong for putting up with what you went through, and i can understand now why you might have some doubts. because, i’m not your exes, but you didn’t think they were who they were either. they led you to believe they were amazing people and then called you crazy for thinking they were with other women. but you weren’t. and i’m not them, but i need to let you figure that out on your own. you saw something and it triggered you, it made you think of your past. i should’ve been more understanding about that instead of blowing up at you.”
“no. i should’ve been more trusting. i know you, and i know you would never hurt me. i just had this voice in my head telling me that you were like them and in order to protect myself, i listened to it. but, you’re not like them, and i only ended up hurting us both. you’ve proven time and time again that you aren’t them. i just- i need to remember that. you’re so good to me, and you’re such an amazing guy, and i think i just thought you might be too good to be true, so i was searching for something wrong. but i’m sorry, Jack. i’m so sorry for not believing you.”
his lips press against mine, soft and slow, pouring all his love into a sweet and tender kiss. pulling away, he lays his forehead against mine.
“i love you. it’ll be a process; having to unlearn all your overly-defensive mechanisms. you were trying to protect yourself, and that’s understandable, but i’m never going to hurt you. at least, not on purpose. but, i’ll be here every step of the way until you realize just how important you are to me. i don’t need anyone else. i have you.” his voice is soft, his words spoken gently and yet confidently.
“i really thought i lost you.” i murmur, burying my head into his neck and i cling to him tightly, refusing to let him go again.
“never.”
-
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toracainz · 8 months
Text
Driver Picks the Music, Shotgun Shuts Their Cakehole
Masterlist
Summary: You and Jake decide to go on a road trip.
Warnings: Inaccurate depictions of DID (only knowledge from the show and some light research). Swearing. Established relationships. Spoilers for Case 63. References to the boys past trauma with water. Mild miscommunication. Verbal conflict due to frustration.
Word count: 4.1k
A/N: I am not fluent by any means in Spanish so if there is anything incorrect please let me know.
A/N: beta read by the wonderful @luvpedropascal and another friend that doesn’t have a tumblr lol.
A/N: this was for a fic exchange for the anniversary of Moon Knight, but as you can see I'm kind of late lol oh well! hope you enjoy!
Translations:
Mira, amor. = Look, love. Corazón = heart Mi tesoro, ¿qué pasa? = My treasure, what’s up? Cariño = Dear Dios, ¿eso es todo? = God, is that all? Lo lamento…realmente. = I’m sorry…really. Amor = love mierda = fuck Se lo juro. = I swear it. Nuestro amor. Nuestro sol. Nuestro corazón. = Our love. Our sun, our heart. luz de mi vida = light of my life
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The eerie music of the podcast played in the background as the characters spoke. A man, who was apparently a doctor, talking (though he sounded just like the patient from the earlier part of the podcast) with the confused woman, a doctor herself…from the future?
“Let’s see, ‘Case 63’. It says your name is Eliza Beatrix Knight. You were admitted at 7:22 p.m. on November 24th. You were found naked at JFK airport in one of the bathrooms in Terminal 8 with paranoid ideations and confusion. You told a curious story about the end of the world in the future—“
“But the—the future??” She definitely sounded confused and a bit distressed.
“Yes, the future.” The doctor answered.
“Oh…wait. Wait. Okay. Wh—what year is it now?”
“You don’t know what year it is?”
“What year is it?” The woman repeated, a little agitated.
“It’s 2012, Ms. Knight.”
The only sound, other than the credits of the podcast, was the droning of wheels on pavement as you and Jake headed down the road. You had nearly begged Jake to listen to the podcast after you got back on the road from the last stop. You looked over to Jake, smirking as you studied his stoic, contemplative look. He suddenly let out a huff of a laugh, shifting in the driver's seat a bit.
“What?” you asked him, a little unsure of what to make of his reaction.
“That’s like…2 hours of my life I’ll never get back.”
“What?! Oh come on, you can’t be serious. That was a good show!” You insisted, mock offense on your face (though not entirely mocked).
“Mira, amor. It was…interesting, but just not my kinda thing. I mean, the guy was just bullshitting the whole time.” He shrugged, keeping hold of the steering wheel, his other elbow propped on the ledge of the window.
“Bullshitting??? Ugh, whatever. Putting it back on your old man music. Keep listening to this and I’ll have to put you in a home soon.” You teased as you reopened the music app and started his playlist. Frank Sinatra came to life in the speakers.
“‘Old man music’? These songs are classics and timeless. So are the dance moves.” He smirked glancing over at you, seeing your pout fighting off a grin. “I know you like it when I dance with you, corazón. Don’t hear you complaining then.”
“Because I have you to distract me from it.” Looking at the map on your phone, you tried to see how much further until the next stop.
You and Jake had been planning this trip for a while, just you, him, and the open road. The only thing that wasn’t accounted for, though, was Jake’s determination to pick the music, the snacks, and the places to stop. It wasn’t too obvious at first, especially when he was pointing out some pretty fun locations to go to, but it seemed like any time you made a suggestion, he would try and convince you to do something else. It was cute, with a bit of poking and some laughs about Jake being hard-headed, but the further into this trip you got, the more it started to bother you. Looking at the map, the both of you would be arriving pretty soon at the last motel before making the last trek to the final destination on the trip “itinerary”, Antelope Canyon.
~*~*~*~
Weeks Earlier
After you had mentioned going on a road trip, Jake took it upon himself to check out potential places and possible things to do there. Nothing had been discussed in earnest yet, but Jake's (and his headmates’) curiosity got the better of them. Vegas was discussed, San Francisco, and the Rocky Mountains, among other potential options. It wasn’t until Marc suggested the Grand Canyon that things really started rolling. Jake had in his mind that the Grand Canyon, while grand was honestly boring. He hadn’t expected Steven to agree with him, so the three began to look at other locations.
That’s when they found it. Antelope Canyon. Now that was a destination.
Steven offered to do the research since he actually enjoyed reading endless pages of websites or books, but Jake insisted that he would take care of everything. Looking through hiking reservations and things to do in the area around the canyon, Jake had started to really enjoy planning it all. He just knew you’d be excited for it all.
That is…until he read an article about some of the facts about the canyon and its geography. According to the article, the canyon was prone to flooding. Seeing that word made his blood run cold and his heart begin to pound. When he noticed his hand clenched tightly into a fist he had to consciously relax it. It was fairly understandable that if it rained in the area of the canyon then of course water collected, but the part that worried him and his headmates was that it could be dry in the canyon but rain elsewhere, and the canyon could still have a flash flood. There had even been ladders installed in the canyon for people to grab onto and climb to higher ground. At first, they were wooden, but those broke all too easily. They've since been replaced with metal ladders. Plenty of people had lost their lives to this all too familiar force of nature.
Once Jake learned about this, he began looking heavily into the weather of the area and the best time to go. Planning for the driest possible month that he could and making sure the projected weather was clear as it could be. Jake’s not delusional by any means, he knows that weather can be unpredictable so far in advance, but he had to try. Jake started to check the weather religiously to make sure things would work in his favor. He wasn’t taking any chances, wasn’t going to put the system in danger, and definitely wasn’t going to pull you along with them. He wouldn’t let that happen…not again.
So it was settled. Route. Destination. Activities. And the window of time they had to arrive.
~*~*~*~
Present
You both had been talking about taking a road trip for a while now and it wasn’t until a week or so ago that the two of you started talking and planning in earnest. Jake was the one that picked the route since he insisted on driving the whole way, but to your surprise, he also picked the destination -  even going as far as to look at weather reports for the times that you two would be there. That left you to pick the snacks and the fun touristy stops along the way, giant rubber band ball-type attractions, that’s what road trips are all about right? Hearing you get excited by each new place you found along Jake’s route gave him the softest and warmest smile. This was how every night was spent leading up to the trip, you and him sitting on the couch, your legs over his, or laying in bed, his arm around you and getting giggly from all the excitement, an extended trip with your partner, your Jake.
What you didn’t know, and what you’ve rarely seen, was how Jake was stealing glances at you. He wasn’t exactly the talkative one in the relationship, but he didn’t mind, not when he could just observe and admire your energy. The smile on his face was content like waking up at your own pace in a comfy, warm bed. These simple moments were what Jake enjoyed most, these mundane, everyday moments. He never asked for much and he never needed much, so when he found you and you decided that you would give him your love, well that was all he could have ever asked for.
~*~*~*~
Pulling into the motel parking lot, the silence that Jake thought was comfortable was not so for you. Stewing away at how nitpicky Jake was being, how he was nearly dictating what you both did on the trip with almost no regard to what you wanted. You knew it wasn’t because he was trying to be mean.  Jake liked to have control of situations. Having control meant a certain level of safety, and that’s just how his mind worked, protecting himself, protecting the system…protecting you. What you couldn’t understand was why. What sort of danger could come from the wrong kind of chip or soda being bought at the gas station?
You both grabbed your bags from the trunk and went into the room, starting each of your nightly routines…still, in silence, save for the small T.V.  that had been turned on to some local news station. Then Jake chimed in on what side of the bed he would be sleeping on. You didn’t need him to tell you. You knew he would take the side closest to the window and door, that’s the side he always took.
“I know what side you sleep on. You don’t have to tell me!” you snapped not too unkindly. Funny how the bed would be the final straw. Jake stepped out of the bathroom. He was only half undressed as he was getting ready to shower (he thought showering with you, but the tone in your voice had him second-guessing).
“Mi tesoro, ¿qué pasa? If you want to skip the shower that’s fine, babe, just say so.” He fixed you with a confused look.
“Oh? So that I can decide?”
“Cariño, what are you saying? I don’t play head games, get it out. Start making sense or I’m go–”
“This whole trip…the whole trip, you have been so picky about everything. Where we stop, where we don’t stop, what snacks to get, where to stay and almost every time I suggest something you shoot it down. If it’s not your way it’s the highway is that it?” That was one thing that you were happy for in your relationship with Jake, and it certainly took some time to get to this point. Jake was right, he didn’t like playing head games. He didn’t like the whole “you should know what’s wrong” bit. He was never fully open about his own feelings, but clear communication? He was a staunch advocate. He wanted to know what was wrong, what was right, how he could meet you in the middle, all of it.
Hearing this outburst, his muscles tensed ever so slightly, his jaw tensing more. Jake tossed his shirt on the bed as he came over to his duffel bag, grabbing his toiletries bag, and starting back into the bathroom. “I’ve been picky. Picky. Dios, ¿eso es todo? And that’s what’s got you all worked up, just because I’m picky.”
“Just because. Worked up. This was supposed to be a fun trip and it is, it was! But damn it, Jake, it’s not fun for me when you can’t let go for two seconds. Nothing’s going to happen if we stop at some honey farm or a fruit stand or a fucking huge ball of twine!” The floodgates open, as you let out the building frustration from the past couple of days. It felt good to get it out, so it wasn’t buzzing around in your head any longer. Jake had been leaning against the bathroom counter, shoulders tense and hunched as he looked at himself in the mirror. You don’t know if Marc or Steven has anything to say about your outburst, if he’s listening to them, and right now that’s the least of your concerns.
You could see his jaw flexing and clenching as the gears were turning in his head, trying to come up with something to say.
“You want me to let go? Want me to just let things happen? Fine,” he threw his hands up. “Yeah, I’ll let go as soon as you learn some restraint. Think you can handle that for one more day? Hmm? You knew what you were getting into when you looped me into whatever you want to call this relationship.” He looked at you in the reflection as he grabbed what he needed and went to finally get in the shower.
“Fine. Sounds fantastic. Maybe tomorrow you can work on getting the stick out of your ass and actually enjoy the hike instead of worrying if a lizard’s going to be within thirty feet of us. Yeah, enjoy your shower.” You huff, going and sitting on the bed to watch T.V. while you wait for your turn with the shower. Flipping through the channels didn’t produce anything worth watching so you settled on the news again. Sometimes on the trip, you and Jake would shower together, make out, actually bathe, or both, and just enjoy those little moments. That was not in the plans tonight and you weren’t even sure how the bed situation would work tonight, there being only one, probably not a lot of cuddling.
Relationships have their rocky moments, that’s to be expected to some degree, but talking to each other and coming to an understanding…maybe once you both cool off you can have a more constructive conversation. Until then, you both needed some time to let the emotions come down from their boil, maybe on the drive tomorrow you two could talk, sort things out, otherwise it was going to be a long trip back to New York.
Jake eventually got out of the shower, curls wet and slicked back, and only in his underwear. You were upset with him, so stop looking at him like that…with all his muscles and tan skin and inky curls that started to spring back from their slicked state. You tried to shake it off as you got off the bed without a word to go for your own shower. Jake watched you go and once he heard the water start he sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands as he and his headmates tried to help come up with a way to salvage the trip. Sounds like partly cloudy days in the future.
~*~*~*~
That morning, after a not-so-pleasant night of sleeping as far away from each other as possible, though you're certain at some point in the night you could feel a strong hand gently caressing your shoulder, the two of you packed your things and got back on the road. It wasn’t much further to Antelope Canyon so the drive wasn’t terrible. It was certainly quiet though.
As Jake pulled into a parking space, he was the first to break the silence, gently grabbing your arm, stopping you as you started to get out of the car. When you look back at him it all started to flare up again. He’s stopped you from getting out of the car, decided things for you. You don’t mean to be on edge, it all just feels so raw.
“Lo lamento…realmente.” He says withdrawing his hand, holding it up to show he’s not keeping you, he only meant to get your attention, “We can talk about it on the hike, I just…I wanted to say it now. Before we get out there. I’m not expecting you to forgive me just because I said “I’m sorry”, I know I’m not the easiest person to live with, just ask Marc and Steven…” he paused, not entirely sure what else he could say. He really felt he was difficult to live with and he knew that his hypervigilance could get overbearing, but that’s something he intended to work on.
You listened to him, still feeling that boiling frustration, knowing that he meant it, he always means it. Jake clenched his fist, resting it against the gearshift trying to put the words together. “Let’s get out there…” He nodded, more to himself, gently hitting the gearshift with the side of his fist before getting out of the car to get the backpacks. While you grabbed yours Jake headed over to the information kiosk for maps, a weather radio, and to check in for the hike
~*~*~*~
It’s kind of amazing how being in a place like this could distract from the stresses you both came with. The smooth, waving walls of the canyon in those bright red and orange hues. It looks so ancient, mystical, alien, and absolutely breathtaking. You both were able to relax as you worked your way through trails, well you more than Jake who seemed to be clenching his jaw or muttering to himself (or Marc and Steven) a lot. Whatever it is they’re talking about, you hoped it wouldn't crop up into another argument, not when the hike had been going so well.
And that’s when it happened.
You suggested that you stop for a break, just to drink a little water, maybe eat a snack, take some pictures, or something, but Jake trudges ahead.
“We can go a little further, come on.” He said, pulling ahead now. It was as if the argument and his apology meant absolutely nothing to him. What in the hell was happening?! You never took Jake to go back on his apology or his word. Yes, the man would fib on occasion but he wouldn’t flat out lie like that…not to you.
“What? You have got to be kidding. After all that? For God’s sake, Jake you just couldn’t handle i,t could you? The whole hike you’ve been acting so uptight. Are you even enjoying this? This whole thing was your idea and now you have a look like someone just smelled the most gag-inducing stench.” You weren’t going to let it slide like you had in the car ride, you were going to call him out on it. This was your trip too and you wanted to go out and have fun. Which you were, but having a muttering cloud of gloom accompanying you was not helping.
Jake stopped, tilting his head back and looking to the sky, muttering more things (you couldn’t quite make it out, but it vaguely sounded like Spanish swearing), definitely a bit cloudy now but nothing too bad for now. Slowly, he lowered his head as he turned to look at you, regret clear on his face. “Amor, I swear this is the last time today…I uh, had looked up the trails online—just to be safe—I only meant…mierda…there’s a cool place up ahead. You've probably seen it in pictures, a beam of sunlight coming in…we can break there and after that…” he makes the motion of zipping his lips, tossing away the key, and holding up his hands in surrender.
Well, that was…unexpected. The worst part was, it was a good idea. With a huff you crossed your arms, contemplating the options and the fact that he really did mean what he said…he was trying, but you were still frustrated, and maybe(?)  going to this special place meant that the whole rest of the time Jake would just lighten up and you could actually contribute to the trip.
“Fine. Yeah, fine, let’s go to this “cool place” and we’ll take a break there.” You shook your head, conceding. “But after that, you have to let me have some say, Jake—“
“I will. Se lo juro. Just thought you would like it and taking a break there you can take it all in like you do.”
He stood there waiting for you to rejoin the hike. Thankfully the place wasn’t much further, just as he said, and you looked around in awe at how nature could make such enchanting views. You were enjoying it and taking it all in, just as he said.
You both started to take off your backpacks, taking out a blanket and some snacks and drinks for the little makeshift rest stop this little place was about to become. The thing that was most mesmerizing was the beam of light in question, and yet again, he was right. You stood there drinking your water watching this marvel of nature, this beam of light so precise and almost like a sspotlight The sunlight almost looked tangible, so letting the inner kid in you come out for a little fun, you stuck your hand into the sunlight. That wonderful, imaginative part of you almost expected to feel it, well feel something other than the warmth it brought. Like it should have been hard like a stone column or fluid yet weighty like a stream or waterfall.
“Alright, I’ll give it to you. This is a really cool place to rest for a bit. Sorry for blowing up like that again. If you know any more places like this we should stop at, let’s make a plan okay? Together. We’re supposed to be enjoying the hike right? Just like you s—“
When you turned to look at him, you were met with a sight that that imaginative part of you was absolutely not expecting.
Jake.
Down.
On one knee.
Holding a small, velvet-covered box.
You didn’t know what to do, so you just gaped at the sight. Nerves were clear on his face as he opened the little box.
“Nuestro amor. Nuestro sol. Nuestro corazón. I know now that I wasn't being fair to you on this trip and I truly am sorry. You’ve put up with me, with Marc, and Steven when we were absolutely not the easiest to put up with. You accepted us, all of us, and everything that comes with being with someone like us…and we couldn’t be more thankful to have such a patient, loving, and strong partner. Because God knows you have to be strong to have to deal with three grown man-children.” Jake chuckles breathily, hoping the joke would help his nerves (it didn’t), not until he heard you chuckle too. The corner of his mouth quirks slightly, letting that little moment of levity give him the breathing room for what was about to come next.
“Will you marry us?”
You stood there still stunned, but now tears were trickling down your cheeks. Yeah, there was a lot to deal with, mostly due to their collective tempers and vastly different ways of doing things among other quirks…but you weren’t perfect, not by a long shot. There were plenty of things you did or said that they had to put up with too. But that’s the beauty of it, right? People are flawed. They mess up. They find someone to love them and they grow together…to work at being together, because it’s not easy, nothing in life is ever easy…but loving them…even after every argument, disagreement, or misplaced frustration…that was easy. How could you not?
You stepped closer to Jake. The last of the system that you met and once you had, everything just felt complete. Now, here he was before you, on behalf of himself and his headmates, asking you to love them for the rest of their lives. And you said yes…how could you not? You said yes again, nodding your head as he came to his feet, a nervous smirk blooming into an ecstatic grin as he plucked the ring from its box and slipped it on your finger.
It was a simple silver band with three diamonds set into it…one for each of them. You held up your trembling hand to admire it, your heart thrumming with what it represented. Looking at Jake, you wrapped your arms around him, as he did the same to you, your lips meeting each other. So much love and passion shared between you. It felt too soon when you both pulled away to catch your breath. When you looked into his eyes you saw his own tears threatening to slip away and down his cheeks, and you also saw the tenderness and deep love that he and his headmates shared for you.
After another kiss (and another), you both stand there in the beauty of the moment.
“I love you,” you finally say.
“I love you too, luz de mi vida. Like you wouldn’t believe. So much, that I made sure to plan as much of the trip as I could to try and make it memorable…turns out I made it exhausting and should have just had you help plan it.” Jake couldn’t wipe the smile from his face if he tried, you said yes and now you had the rest of your lives to plan more trips.
“Definitely should have consulted me. I have a keen sense for adventure, you know?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“And we have plenty of time to plan trips, annoy each other, love each other…and on the ride back, we will be having the best adventure.” You smile wide before Jake leans in, giving you another kiss which you happily reciprocate.
“I can’t wait.”
A/N: Antelope Canyon has a tendency to flood. This can apparently happen even if the rain occurred miles away. The boys were not only nervous about the proposal but also flooding, hence the weather research, monitoring, and radio.
taglist: @spacecowboyhotch @marc-spectorr @juneknight @mccn-bcys
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