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#there's something to represent every family member
blue-butterbee · 7 hours ago
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Embroidery 101
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Word count: 1067
Characters: ler!bruno and Lee!Mirabel
Warnings: this is a tickle fic, so if you don’t rock with that, feel free to scroll on by!
All interactions are strictly familial and sfw!
A/N: I’m not usually a fic writer and I’m just kinda getting into it, so hopefully this isn’t too bad!
~ Requests are still open! ~
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Bruno was happy to finally be a part of the family again. He was happy to be a part of his nieces’ and nephews’ lives, which he had missed so much of. 
Part of his bonding was taking days and dedicating them to one of the kids - letting them show him their favorite hobbies, music, food, games, you name it, Bruno was up for it!
On the day he spent withLuisa she taught him how to use some of the gym equipment in her room, which proved to be pretty funny, considering Bruno doesn’t have a fraction of the upper body strength of Luisa. Though he was able to do a lot of the leg exercises, thanks to the hundreds of stairs he had to climb every day in his tower
On Isabela’s day, the two spent the hours planting and harvesting from her veggie garden and helping Julieta turn the vegetables into meals. Bruno didnt have much of a green thumb, which was no problem for Isa, who could easily fix his mistakes with a flick of her wrist.
The day before today was Dolores’s day, which was spent in her room meditating, drinking tea, and just having quiet conversations.
And today, it was Mirabel’s day!
Bruno stepped out of his room and headed down the balcony hall, greeting family members as they passed by.
With a sudden thud, he collided with someone who was moving quite swiftly, going in the opposite direction. 
“Oof- Oh! Good morning Mirabel!” Bruno smiled, helping his niece stand back up straight.
“Oh! Good morning tio!! I’ve been looking all around casita for you!”
“Have you?? A-am I really that late..?” Bruno swerved his head around to a nearby clock, noticing he was in fact, 15 minutes late.
“O-oh gosh! I didn't realize it was so behind schedule!! Go on, go on, lead the way! I don’t wanna waste any more of your time!!” He spun Mirabel around and patted her shoulder, signaling her to start moving.
— — —
“Ok tio, come pick what fabric you want to use-” Mirabel gestured to the corner of her room, where a large basket stood carrying rolls of multicolored fabrics neatly wound and standing straight. 
“Pick some fabric..?” Bruno asked, hesitantly walking over to the basket, still unsure of what they would be doing for the day. “Yeah!! Pick some fabric! I’m gonna teach you how to embroider today!” Mirabel swiveled around in her chair, offering her uncle a pleasant smile.
Bruno wasn’t really one for finer arts like embroidery, but he was absolutely willing to give it a go, especially if it was something his niece enjoyed. He returned Mirabel’s smile, then turned back to the basket of fabric. 
Something immediately to his left caught his eye, however, and he smiled, picking up the blue fabric laid over a dresser.
“How about this one-?” Bruno walked over to the table Mirabel sat at and placed the material down in front of her.
“ My… skirt..? You want to embroider something  on my skirt?” Mira couldn’t help but smile- 
She had something to represent every member of the family on her skirt… all except Bruno… so why not let him make a symbol for himself?
“I-if its okay with you of course- I- uh- sorry- I can just pick a fabric scrap- I wouldnt want to ruin your skir-” Mirabel raised a hand “I’d be more than happy to let you make a pattern on my skirt!”
She took the garment from her uncle and laid it out on the table. 
“Ok, come here and watch close, I’m gonna teach you how to thread the machine.” She directed as she grabbed a spool of green thread from a small box off to the side.
Bruno shuffled right up behind where Mirabel was sitting, leaning down over her shoulder to get a good look at exactly what she was going to do, and lazily resting his chin on her shoulder,
“Ok, so fihIHIRST-” Mirabel suddenly shouted, tensing up- Bruno’s eyes widened, but he stayed in place, almost frozen.
“A-are you okay?! What was that?!” he asked with a twinge of concern in his voice
The vibrations of his words made Mirabel snort and scrunch up her shoulders, dropping the thread onto the table. “Tihihihio!! yohou’re tihickling mehe!”
Bruno stood up with a puzzled look. “I- I was..?” he touched his face with his fingers, brushing over his chin. Then it clicked ‘oh- my,,, my beard-’ he thought, a smile growing on his face.
“I’m sorry Mira, I didn’t mean to! I was just trying to get a better view! See?!” Bruno resumed his position leaning on Mirabel’s shoulder. “Now go on! Go on! What’s step one?” he asked innocently. 
Mirabel’s laughter restarted as every vibration of Bruno’s speech sent a ticklish wave through her body. 
“I cahahan’t! Ihihi cahahan’t fohOHOCUS!!” Her laughter pitched up at the feeling of something against her side. 
“Oh, my bad! There was some scrap thread on your shirt-” Bruno lied, poking at the girl’s ribs “Stop moving! I cahan’t grab ihit!”
“THEHEHERE ISN’T AHANYTHING THEHEHERE! AHAHA!” Mirabel doubled over on herself and kicked her legs under the table. 
“There is! I’m sure of it! But I just can’t grab it while you’re moving!” Bruno laughed along with his niece, pretending to pick something off her shirt.
“TIHIHIO PLEHEHEASE!” Mirabel threw her head back, bubbly laughter spilling out as Bruno switched to scribbling along his niece’s sides, dropping the act, and just having fun. 
It had been a long time since he was able to see Mirabel- any of his nieces and nephews- laugh like this. He felt a little closer to them every time they felt safe enough to just let go.
“I don’t remember you ever being this ticklish! Not when you were little at least-” He commented, slowing down enough to give Mirabel a chance to breathe. “I wahahasn’t! I don’t know what happened! I guess I’ve just never been tickled much since then.” She said with a slight flush on her face.
“Well I think it adds to your…whimsical-ness! Is that even a word-?” Bruno stood up and adjusted Mirabel’s glasses on her nose, to which she offered a shrug an a giggle.
“Nevermind! Let’s get this sewing lesson going!” The prophet rolled a nearby stool over to the table and sat down, hands in his lap, ready to listen.
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I DID IT!! G O D THAT TOOK SO LONG- IM SO SORRY CFGBHJNIGUVFYCDXTGH
Please enjoy!! I might make a non tk fic about them actually embroidering the skirt bc i think its cute- 
ANYWHO!! I have some hcs on the horizon for y’all, then after that, I’m pretty much all caught up on asks! So do feel free to drop some if you have anything you’d like to see/say!!
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artsploon · 15 days ago
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family weirdos gotta stick together -
based off an idea I had at like 3 AM that Mirabel embroiders Bruno’s ruana post-canon 
-
this is lk rushed so yeahhh hjkdhsadsf
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error40317writing · a year ago
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Cute
Humans were the newest species in the Alliance. They were small, fragile, and poisonous to practically every life form. They had strange oils on their skin, in fact, most mammalians (the...family[?] of species that the Humans were) on their planet had oils too. Humans also had the weirdest motives for their research. Their research into weapons and medicine were average, but their research into technology, specifically for entertainment purposes, seemed....wasteful. As in, excessive. That wasn't even mentioning the amount of apparently habitable land taken up by research endeavors. Humans were obsessed with their history, classifying irrelevant species into many different categories and digging up bones to recreate skeletons of the extinct ones, and endlessly searching for evidence of "advanced" extinct civilizations.
They were quickly dubbed a "research race". The Humans would be useful for their ability to seek out knowledge, but little more. The only weapons in their arsenal worth taking were the suicide bombs they called "Nuclear Weapons" and their medicine was useless for any race but their own. They were fragile, and tiny. Their strength only activating when under extreme stress, and it was immoral for any race to force a human into that state, especially considering any attempt to use the strength gain in battle would likely backfire due to the human's ability for "spite". They were a must-have for any exploration crew, but otherwise belonged in labs and not on the battlefield. The only battlefield capability aside from stress induced strength, was their adaptability and durability. Any smart Humans would've stayed around the habitable zones in between the poles and the equator of their planet, and yet the species managed to persevere, using their clever nature to survive in a wide variety of conditions and climates that no other race managed. It wasn't even out of necessity, they did it for a love of exploration.
The human's curiosity, cleverness, optimism, and odd weather-specific durability made them perfect for research. And yet some still decided to help on the battlefield. The battlefield medics were acceptable, but the tiny warriors holding what may as well be toy rifles were only accepted out of exasperated fondness and because they raised morale.
The Humans, with their small builds, wide expanse of expressions, and general kind-heartedness and playful recklessness were considered the best companions for any race; however, the Humans with anger-management issues in particular were more suited as companions for the Tloq, who were sturdy enough to take hits, one of the few races not affected by the oils on the humans' skin, and playful enough to enjoy an angry human's company, even sometimes managing to calm one to a reasonable state. Humans were essentially pets, or children, but no one mentioned it, knowing the Humans would be upset at the analogy.
Humans took a liking to the Klo'rake specifically, likening them to large "cats". Initially, the Alliance was confused, but upon doing further research, courtesy of the Linus (a winged species with a preference for chemistry), the hexapedal and fuzzy Klo'rake's shared a scary likeness with the extremely tiny Earth species; said species were highly amused in their own quiet manner. The fact that Klo'rake had six legs and large horns was dutifully ignored in favor of the hilariousness that was humans flocking to them because they were fuzzy.
Humans were great researchers, the best even, their mindset perfect for the line of work, but the Alliance respected the human race's needs for variety, and their want to run their own planet, and let them choose their own professions. At least two human researchers were always on a crew, sometimes joined by a human with a different specialty, such as engineers or pilots. Biologists and archaeologists were a favorite; the Humans' need to classify different life forms was deemed "cute".
Then, Earth was invaded by the Olomk. A violent species known for minor skirmishes with members of the Alliance. The Alliance was enraged, and the Humans were heartbroken. Their home planet was burning, consumed by flames and smog, and it needed their assistance. Every human crewmate returned to Earth, salvaging what they could of the planet. It's axis had been tilted, the sea level had shrunk by many meters, and they mourned the loss of several species. The Klo'rake, Linus, and Tloq quickly came to their aid, not understanding why the humans were crying over the loss of biodiversity, but knowing the heartbreak that was the loss of most of your species.
For many sols the Humans rebuilt, their population once over a hundred billion had dwindled to merely six billion. The scientists took a census of the land, engineers, architects, and construction workers rebuilt according to the new soil. Farmers replanted their crops if possible, while others had to relocate to a different area so their crops would actually grow. Many offspring were handed off to Klo'rake and Linas, orphaned or injured. Medics and doctors did their damnedest to make sure as many people lived as possible, while others did what they could to dispose of the destroyed buildings and to ensure the planet wasn't polluted by the waste.
Eventually, the planet was up and running once more, but for once, the Humans weren’t just angry: they were furious. Never had the Alliance seen this. Sure, they'd seen angry and annoyed Humans, but this was something different. Fury, mourning, irritation, and more wrapped up in a single undefinable emotion. They were quiet, planning, no one knew what they were doing, and no one dared ask. Many Humans that lived abroad came back to help, including all of the morale soldiers and some underage teenagers, even some children as young as ten that were desperate to help. The Alliance let the Humans mourn, as it was their first invasion, and hopefully their last.
Then, one day, Tlaku, the Olomk's planet, was under fire. Weapons and ships constructed from a mixture of Klo'rake, Linus, Tloq, Human, and even Rikl designs decimated the planet. Even as violent and weaponized as the Olomk were, they were not prepared. The Humans dropped nuclear bombs, burned ships with plasma lasers; they shot down all resistance, and the few footsoldiers that were needed swiftly crushed all the Olomk soldiers with quick fury.
It was quick, bloody, and unexpected from the race the Alliance had started to view as cute, peaceful, and curious. The Humans stopped attacking once surrender was declared, they mourned for the hatchlings they killed, helped with the clean up, and quickly departed for Earth, returning their attention to patching up the wounds still left by the Olomk Invasion. The Linus, for once scared of their lack of knowledge, took a page out of the Human's book and started researching Human history, because clearly they didn't know as much as they thought about their dearest researchers. Despite being out of their depth in researching history, the Linus were well accustomed to boring scientific literature, and quickly reported something terrifying.
Humans had a bloody history, filled with war, famine, disease, exploitation, and slavery. They were clearly capable of battle, good at it even. Their tactics astounded the Rikl, who were famous for their military might. The Alliance were disturbed that the beings they found adorable and cute were so capable of hurting others. They were reminded of the small scale spite that Humans displayed when slighted, and shuddered when they realized that the humans could have destroyed them if they really felt like it. 
But when the Human representative entered, flustered at her tardiness, they were reminded of why they had gotten that initial harmless impression. Tiny, fragile, and adorably curious, Humans were great at hiding their dangerous nature.
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moonianbbyg · 4 months ago
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Asteroid Union
Union (1585) This asteroid can be looked at as representing marriage in a way. Along with that you can view it as what allows you to come together with another. Or even what enables you to come together in a community. - credits to @personachartsblog
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1ST HOUSE
This is a good placement for Union, because it could either be love at first sight or you both will just fall for each other because of each other’s beauty. You will be very supportive of one another in your marriage and could be very well understanding of each other too. It’s a possible chance you share very similar opinions/beliefs
2ND HOUSE
This is a very cute placement! You could start off as middle class financially and build up your success and money together. You might be very possessive over each other in a “healthy” way if that makes sense. They will crave you, your attention, your presence and you for you. You could make them feel complete simply by being around them
3RD HOUSE
Most important thing in a marriage: communication. < that’s what you two will for sure have, good communication even if there’s problems. Your marriage won’t be childish filled with toxicity, you’re a smart person and your partner is most likely to be as well. They could plan little trips every now and then just because they want to get away from everyone and everything with you!!
4TH HOUSE
This placement can indicate having a huge family together!! Both, you and your partner will have a desire for a big family.. if you don’t want many kids your partner surely does. They might even be the type to make you be around their family a lot or meet them as soon as you meet them. (This could even indicate living very close to their family or maybe even living with some of their family members)
5TH HOUSE
Such a favorable placement for Union! So jealous omg - anyways, you will have a lot of fun (especially in the bedroom) ;) you could have one or two kids but it really depends on your 5H placements and aspects. They could always try to do something fun with you (draw, play video games, do challenges, follow trends etc.) you might even be their inner child healer 💌
6TH HOUSE
You and your partner could possibly adopt a child together if one has bad 6H placements/aspects which could lead to infertility or you might just want to adopt a child and not have your own. You might work out together a lot, and they will always be the person who will worry about you the most. (Aw 🥲) if you do give birth they will make it a very important priority to be there by your side and they might even be those type of people who are super excited and hyping you up a lot while you give birth !! They could also be the person to always take you to the hospital/bring you your pills/give you comfort when you’re sick. Their love language is 100% acts of service
7TH HOUSE
It’s either love at first sight or enemies to lovers. Now you may be wondering why enemies if 7H is all about marriage? - well 7H is your open enemies that you’re very sure are your enemies. Or they could be that person who’s always making fun of you and or wanting to leave you alone but they do it because they actually have a crush on you! 👀 Your marriage will be full of exciting events, luxurious dinners or stay at home movie nights. The marriage will just feel like a fairytale and it could make you both feel fulfilled
8TH HOUSE
Woah okay Netflix movie 🙄 you two will go through a lot (before your marriage) but you’ll always be each other’s shoulder to cry on. They might even be the person you had your first sex experience with. When you’re married - you could have sex a lot and literally everywhere whoops! You guys will feel like it emotionally brings you closer. When having deep talks you will feel like you can tell them everything without them telling other people especially if you’re a introvert. You’ll be at ease!!
9H HOUSE
Now this one is very charming and cute. The honeymoon phase just doesn’t end.. 9H being all about travel you might plan trips a lot just to spice up your lives a bit. They might enjoy reading books or could write you love letters if they’re at a work trip 😍 just a marriage filled with romance. You might even have competition in your wisdom, they will think they’re smarter or you. Dark humor for sure
10H HOUSE
It’s all about being fancy. Fancy dinners, restaurants. Their love language could be money. Your marriage will have this positive aspect of always making each other look good, and you might just be that couple that only focuses on each other and not anything or anyone else. Very romantic!! Your ambitions/goals could be high just as theirs, and you want to achieve them together.
11H HOUSE
Your friends = their friends. Their friends = your friends. You could go to a lot of organizations together and explore foreign things. You’ll have a ‘best friend but actually my lover’ type of marriage. 11H being ruled by Aquarius you could also not care about arguing which makes your relationship/marriage healthier!!
12TH HOUSE
A marriage where you can read each other’s minds and stare deeply into each other’s soul. At first the marriage might feel very intense but through time you will be grateful and think you were destined to be with each other from the start. You could even marry a person you hate lmaoo
Hope you guys liked this post!! For all those who wanna get married I hope this made you want it even more because same lol - moon princess
this post was created by @moonianbbyg on tumblr <3 if reposting please give credit.
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kirain · a year ago
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I started playing rdr2 but stopped because like idk but I can't seem to get over the fact that all the women are prostitutes and they don't really have any important roles. Like what's Abigail do? Ooh she's a mother who's always mad? What do the other women do? Oooh they sleep with the gang. What's Sadie do? Oooh she becomes a badly written femme fetale who suddenly becomes a flawless killer. The women are just so badly represented.
I get the feeling you didn't play the game naturally or see any random encounters, because none of what you said is true. There's a lot to unpack here, so let's start with the "all the women are prostitutes" comment.
First of all, none of the women are prostitutes, a fact that deeply irritates Micah. During a coach robbery where he rides with Arthur and Bill, he even says, “Why the hell do we need a gaggle of girls who won’t even fuck you if you put a gun to their head? Is it too much to ask considering they get a piece of every damn dollar I bring in?” Poor baby. He even tries to proposition all of the women (Grimshaw included), but they all insult him and send him running with his tail between his legs. It’s hilarious and I love it. Arthur also responds to Micah with, “Everyone does their share. I don’t see you lifting a finger around camp.”
Now a bit about the girls:
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Mary-Beth was a skilled pickpocket, but she ended up being caught by a group of her victims. She mentions this during a conversation with Arthur, where she points out how hard it was for women who came from nothing, and the inequality of it all. RDR2 actually regularly highlights how difficult frontier/outlaw life was for women back then, often pulling zero punches. While fleeing her pursuers, Mary-Beth luckily ran into Hosea, who helped her escape and welcomed her to the gang. You can see Dutch lusting after her a few times, because he's an old pervert, but she always shuns his advances. She was never a prostitute and she was actually underage when she joined.
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Tilly was a child outlaw and a member of the Forman gang from the age of twelve. She ended up killing the leader's cousin because he [as is heavily implied] tried to rape her. She was around sixteen at the time and tried to return to her mother after the ordeal, but she unfortunately passed away while Tilly was running with the Formans. Out of options, she eventually joined the van der Linde gang after Dutch saved her from some unspecified trouble. You can find most of this out during one of my favourite side missions, where she gets kidnapped by Anthony Foreman in retaliation for killing his cousin. With Grimshaw’s help, you can rescue Tilly and put an end to it once and for all. She was never a prostitute and was also underage when taken in.
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Susan Grimshaw was one of the original members of the gang and one of Dutch's first lovers. They parted amicably and both fell in love with other people (Dutch with Annabelle, and Susan with a doctor who sadly ended up dying), but she stayed with the gang because of their mutual respect for each other. She later became the arbiter of the camp and a kind of surrogate mother to Arthur, John, and the other girls. She was never a prostitute, but rather a rough-and-tumble outlaw.
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Karen is a little more complicated. Overall, she was a scam artist (Hosea even called her an “actress”) who sometimes lured men into brothels, then stole from them or picked their brains for leads. That doesn't necessarily mean she was a prostitute; however, it just means she used sex as a manipulation tactic. Out of all the women in the group, she was the freest and most unconventional. She also stood on guard duty and participated in heists. The only man she ever slept with in game was Sean, and his death absolutely devastated her. If you talk to her or observe her interactions, you also discover she’s a raging alcoholic suffering from some very deep-seated issues. She likely did have to do things she wasn’t proud of in order to survive, but in my opinion that makes her one of the most realistic members of the group. She was never described as a prostitute.
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Molly was an aristocrat who left her family to be with Dutch. His abusive treatment eventually led her to suffer an identity crisis, where she ended up hysterical and heartbroken. Her story is sad, but she was never a prostitute. If anything, Molly is the best example we have that Dutch views people as items, not human beings.
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Abigail is the only prostitute in the game, but by the events of RDR2 she's an ex-prostitute. To say she's nothing more than "a mother who's always mad", I feel, does her character a great disservice. First of all, she left that profession behind to raise her son, to give him a decent chance in life. Unlike John, she stepped up immediately to become a responsible adult. I don't think people realise how impressive that is because, one, she could've easily abandoned Jack at the roadside (which was common back then), two, she could've induced an abortion, and three, she was quite young when she had him; around nineteen years old.
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You say the women are "poorly represented", but they're stronger, smarter, and more mature than most of the men. A few of them even become self-sufficient in the turn of the century, something dear old Dutch couldn't even do/accept. Abigail in particular helps Sadie mourn her husband and the two grow very close. Their interactions are both grounded and heartwarming, with Abigail telling Sadie she’ll suffer the loss of her husband, but that it’ll get better if she keeps on living. She takes care of her, and Sadie later returns that kindness. These women are so full of quirks and humour and personality, I don’t know how you missed it.
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As for Sadie ... where do I even begin? Badly written? Femme fatale? Flawless killer? Sadie is one of the best written characters. She's not flawless, she's exceptionally flawed, temperamental, and traumatised. It's never expressly stated, but it's implied at several points throughout the game that she was repeatedly assaulted while the O'Driscolls kept her captive. At first, she's petrified and miserable, to the point that all she does is cry and express suicidal ideation. Then, she gets angry. Very angry. Having nothing left to live for, her home and husband torn from her grasp, she throws herself headfirst into danger, which almost gets her killed on a number of occasions.
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She's not a "flawless killer", she's a messy killer. She's not an expert death-dealer, and that's made evident from the start -- but she was a hunter who shared the workload with her husband, so it's not as if her skills just magically appeared. You do see how much it weighs on her, however, near the end of chapter six. If you help her kill the rest of the O'Driscolls, she laments what she's become because she thinks her husband would be horrified. She’s extremely complex and struggles between mourning and moving on.
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I also can't help but laugh at the "femme fatale" accusation, because Sadie actually defeminises herself, which is understandable considering the hell she’s suffered. She even wears men's clothing, which wasn't illegal [anymore] back then, but it was openly frowned upon. Femme fatales use their beauty and sexuality to their advantage, ensnaring men with their feminine wiles. Sadie never does that and fights side-by-side with the boys. Interestingly enough, that's partially why Calamity Jane, an actual historical figure, garnered so much attention, because of how she behaved/dressed. It’s pretty clear to me that Rockstar might’ve used her as inspiration for Sadie. This was a real woman who lived from 1852 to 1903.
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In addition, Sadie plays one of the most important roles, yet she does so without falling into the category of a Mary-Sue. She saves the gang and moves them to a new location when the Pinkertons attack Shady Belle. She hatches the plan that frees John from prison. She helps Arthur rescue Abigail after she gets kidnapped. She tracks down Micah and puts an end to his reign of terror. But most of what she does she accomplishes with a partner--Arthur or John--both of whom she respects immensely. No one, not even Arthur, does everything alone, and when they do there’s usually negative consequences. It's the camaraderie and shared experiences that make these characters successful, and aside from Charles and Hosea, I’d even argue that the women are more well-rounded and fleshed out than the men.
I gather from for comments that you didn't finish the game, so I hate to spoil it, but I kind of have to if you walked away with this mindset. The women of RDR2 are a force to be reckoned with.
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cosmostae · 10 months ago
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Trigger Happy
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Summary: You’re an undercover cop infiltrating the mafia but things aren’t looking too good for you when the kingpin himself is pointing a gun at your head. 
Pairing: Fem! Reader x Yandere Jeon Jungkook 
Warnings: mean dom jungkook, murder, drug usage, gun play, fear play, dirty talk, daddy kink, oral sex - female receiving, dub con/non con, mafia au, implied stalking, yandere behaviour
Word Count: 3.3K 
A/N: going through writer’s burnout T^T pls read warnings carefully <3 
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Dollar bills rain down upon strippers’ faces like their tears whilst people swallow up the sight of their bodies; swimming naked within their blown pupils, sliding into the darkness of their bellies. The electric lights flicker upon their skin like sunbeams, painting their body into the hues of something that can be devoured like the sickeningly sweet cosmopolitan in their hand. It burns within the back of their throats, sparks a fire within their loins. It makes the inside of the club feel otherworldly, makes them forget about their morality as their hungry, predatory eyes zero onto the half-naked women crawling towards them on their hands and knees.
Their lips do not move yet they believe the lipstick that paints their mouths red speaks of their carnality. Crimson claws hooked onto their leather belts, as though they’re begging to be fucked with brutality. But everything is merely a fantasy. A manifestation of power from the money that they tuck into their lace panties, waving dollar bills in front of their faces like candy. You’re a distraction, eye candy to be consumed, no matter how much they want to feel your flesh hot and pulsing around their cocks. They want to own you and you allow them to think, for a second, that they do.
There is only the beat, no words to the song that flows from the speakers mounted under the ceiling. Pointed towards you like the electric red lights, rippling across your skin like you’re a nymph underwater, drowning you in a sea of blood. In the colour that represents danger and hot-blooded lust. 
In the absence of lyrics, these men can fill it in with their thoughts, of what they want to do to you. You defy gravity with every spin, legs wrapped around the pole like a serpent, your calloused fingers gripping onto the metal as you spread your legs wide open in temptation. You appear weightless, chiaroscuro painted within a dream, appearing before the eyes of men like a daydream whilst alcohol and illicit drugs runs through their bloodstream.
And you wonder what it is that runs through Jeon Jungkook’s mind as he watches you.
His eyes do not follow the sway of your hips as you circle the pole in a slinky, silky black dress. A black widow entangled within a web of secrets and lies. His eyes rest upon your face, on the flutter of your faux lashes and the shape of your glossy lips. But when your gazes connect, he makes a show of trailing his molten black eyes down your body, like a blazing fire that burns away your clothes for him to admire what lies underneath.
Artificial white smoke engulfs you, reminiscent to the tendrils of smoke from his cherry-lit cigarette unfurling into his vision where you dance like a vixen. He holds the cigarette in between his fingertips, ink swirling on his knuckles with metal rings that can easily cut someone’s lip. He takes slow, heady puffs but his lips do not move to discuss business with the men he’s sitting with in the private VIP room of this club. It belongs to him, like every other restaurant, store and building within the mafia’s territories. He does not treat you like you’re invisible, a prop in the background like how these mafia men tend to objectify their women. It appears that tonight, you’re the centrepiece instead, and that the kingpin is here for pleasure and not work.
But that does not deter you, because spreading your legs is the easiest way to earn some trust. Fall into their beds, gather information when their lips and belt buckles are loose, go through their things when they’re unconscious like you have nothing to lose. And to an extent, it is the truth, because you had abandoned everything for this elaborate ruse. You broke things off with the boyfriend you love so he will not be pursued by those dressed like civilised men yet killed in cold blood. Men who painted houses red and filled people with dread in which they could easily shoot a bullet through your head.
A garter belt is on your thigh but it is no place for your gun. It is where men can place their tips, biting their teeth into your hips before trailing their tongue down to your thigh like a groom does to their bride. This is not what you envisioned for yourself as a fresh faced graduate from the police academy. 
But it is your unfamiliar face on the crime-ridden streets and your stellar performance within the academy that made you capture Chief Kim Seokjin’s attention as a candidate for an undercover operation. Every move you make is reported to Chief Kim through discrete methods in order to not blow your cover. “Forget your family, forget your life,” he told you, “unless you want your neck on the line.” You have to live and breathe the life of crime if you want to survive.
Jeon Jungkook, head of the mafia, rumoured to have ordered a kill on his own father, is not your target. You could’ve grown close to other mob members, get dirt on them and threaten them to testify against high ranking members to shorten their sentences. But as fate would have it, Jeon Jungkook is here with you tonight and you are not letting him out of your sight. Although you do not need to aim high, even Park Jimin, his right-hand man who is seated beside him is a big fish to fry.
You sway your hips, grinding against the pole as your gaze averts to Jimin, his platinum blonde hair catching the light. Bending over, running your hands up your legs, you sway your behind from side to side. But you are surprised to suddenly feel hands rest themselves on your thighs.
You stand back up, and you feel a breath warm on your neck, soft lips pressing themselves against your nape. One hand splayed over your stomach whilst the other grips your hip and pulls you up against him. You can feel the weight of him on your back, bodies melding together, his hard cock against your ass.
You wonder when he had left his seat, quieter than a predator stalking after its prey. And now you’re within the cage of his arms where he can sink his teeth into your flesh and have you sink onto your knees where you’ll pray with lips wrapped around his cock.
You could feel his heartbeat, calm and steady, but it causes a shiver to run down your spine. There is no doubt that he could hear the pounding of your heart as his teeth scrapes the shell of your ear. His voice low and breathy as he murmurs, “Hello, beautiful.”
His fingers grip your jaw, metal rings digging into your skin, forcing you to look him in the eyes. Jungkook pulls you close, so you could see nothing else but him. His thumb caresses the apple of your cheek, basked in red light, like a forbidden treat. You see the mole under his lip, the scar on his cheek. Underneath the red, his eyes gleam like the devil who was once a beautiful angel. His lips curl upwards, gaze fixated upon your face, which he cups within his hands like marble.
You grow cold with fear but maintain your composure. You run your hand down his chest, feeling his pecs through his shirt before curling your fingers into his silk tie. Your gaze is sultry, aiming to seduce him, your voice sickeningly sweet. “Hello, handsome.”
Jungkook smirks. “Care to have a drink with daddy, angel?”
You reply easily, “I would love that, daddy.”
Grabbing your hand, Jungkook pulls you off the stage and leads you to the velvet sofa. You trail behind him like the sillage of your perfume, sweet like the blooming magnolia but poisonous like oleander. Jimin is nowhere to be seen but you do not have much of an opportunity to search for him when Jungkook yanks you onto his lap. His arms snake around your waist and your black lace panties press against his thigh as he sighs, “Do you mind if daddy has a drink first, angel?”
You shake your head. “Mmm, no, daddy. Do you want me to pour you a drink, daddy?”
“No need,” Jungkook says and you gasp when he pushes you flat against the sofa. His hands push the hem of your dress upwards, exposing your quivering navel. He reaches for the bottle of alcohol on the table and you shiver when he pours the cold liquid all over your stomach. Hastily slamming the bottle back down, you could only whimper as his hands squeeze your waist while his hot tongue begins lapping up the pool of tequila on your skin. He licks you clean, making your tummy glisten with his spit. You would call this a body shot yet there is no lime in your mouth or salt sprinkled on your body.
But when Jungkook reaches inside his pocket, your eyes widen upon the sight of ivory powder within a clear bag. Where he lies in between your legs, his knees keep you spread wide open for him as he pours a line of cocaine along your inner thighs. You feel the tip of his nose running across your skin, breathing you in, before he begins snorting the powder to reach his high whilst you’re anchored beneath him. You imagine his brain melting into a serene numbness whilst you tremble underneath the softness of his lips. He sucks hickeys into your flesh whilst his hands slide upwards to squeeze your breasts.
Jungkook coos, “Do you want me to kiss your lips, angel?”  
You whine pathetically, “Yes, daddy.”
You expect Jungkook’s cherry pink lips to press against yours. But instead, Jungkook rips off your lace panties, where the tequila begins dripping into the folds of your pussy. A loud moan escapes your lips as Jungkook swoops down to slither his tongue in between your wet folds. He hums as he sucks on your clit and you feel it vibrate through your entire body.
“Is this what you wanted, angel?” Jungkook murmurs huskily, “For me to kiss your pretty lips?”
You can only whimper as Jungkook slurps on your sopping wet cunt, shaking his head from side to side as he sucks your folds into his mouth. He groans, eyes fluttering shut, as he drowns himself in the taste of your cunt. Your body unfurling like the petals of a flower beneath him, spilling your nectar into his throat and coating his teeth that tugs on your folds. The tip of his tongue traces your slit and flicks against your clit, having your hands clench into fists as he forces you into mind-numbing pleasure. Your body arches beautifully for his tongue to press deeper into your swollen clit. But before you can reach your own high, Jungkook pulls away and you cannot help but whine in frustration.
Jungkook chuckles throatily, crawling up to your face where you’re staring up at him with hazy eyes. The lower half of his face is entirely soaked with your arousal and it makes your pussy throb.
He asks lowly, “You want to have a taste, angel?”
But he does not wait for you to answer, diving down to slip his tongue in between your lips where you can taste yourself as he licks into your mouth. He kisses you until you can’t breathe, until your lips are swollen and your lungs are aching. But he does not allow you to come up for air, hard body pressing you deeper into the sofa, large hands holding your head still as you attempt to pull your face away from his. His nails scratch and dig painfully into your scalp. You begin to thrash wildly beneath him, legs kicking into the air whilst he continues to hungrily devour your mouth like you’re the air that he needs instead.
You bite him with his teeth and you can feel blood trickle down your chin although you do not know if it belongs to you or if it’s his. Your pounding heart intertwines with his own, as though he’ll continue to kiss you until the two of you will die like this, with his lips connected to yours.
When he mercifully pulls away, you frantically inhale for air. He is panting as well, fingers curled into your hair whilst his dark eyes drink you in. His gaze flits to your heaving chest and you whimper in pain when Jungkook’s fingers pinch your nipples.
“Now wasn’t that fun, angel? You want to play a game with daddy?”
Jungkook palms your breasts whilst you breathe out weakly, “What game can we play, daddy?”
He hums, feigning contemplation, before asking, “How about truth or dare, angel?”
You didn’t know what you could dare a mafia boss to do but you nod, eager to satisfy his every whim.
Jungkook grins. “That’s what daddy likes to hear. Ladies go first, hm?” His thumb traces your swollen bottom lip, dips it into the wetness of your mouth and presses onto your tongue. “Truth or dare, angel?”
With his thumb inside your mouth, you mumble, “Truth, daddy.”
“Aw,” Jungkook clucks his tongue, “Truth is no fun, angel. But whatever my baby pleases, hm? Daddy is feeling nice today, how about we get more people to join in to make it more fun for my princess?”
You nod, smiling. “Whatever you want, daddy.”
Jungkook pulls his thumb out of your mouth and for the first time in the night, he takes his eyes off you to nod at his men who stand guarding the door. At their boss’ signal, they move to pull open the double-doors and your blood runs cold when you see your ex-boyfriend, Hoseok, being dragged into the room.
The doors close behind him but even within the darkness, you could tell his wrists are restrained behind his back and his mouth is duct taped. Your mouth is dry as you watch the men shove Hoseok onto the table, his face red and eyes narrowed in anger at Jungkook who merely chuckles at the sight.
Jungkook grins down at you. “Here’s my question for you, angel. Do you know who this man is?”
You shake your head, as calmly as you could. “No, I don’t, daddy.”
He cocks a brow. “Really?”
“Yes, daddy.”
Jungkook nods. “Ah, I see.”
You think that your lie would protect Hoseok but you realise how foolish you are when Jungkook waves one of his men over. They hand him a stack of photographs which Jungkook tosses onto the table and your eyes run over them. You realise that they’re pictures of your apartment, from a bird’s eye view like it had been captured with a hidden camera, with Hoseok and you curled up in bed together, naked.
You gasp, “How – “
Jungkook pulls a gun out of his blazer and the sight of it silences you immediately. Your heart quickens inside your chest as he brings the pistol closer to your head.  
“Not a word, sweetheart,” Jungkook taps the muzzle of the gun against your lips, “Who knew an angel could be such a filthy liar? This pretty mouth should only be filthy when it’s wrapped around my cock.”
Jungkook shoves the gun into your mouth. The stainless steel cold between your teeth as he slides it in and out between your lips. “Make it wet, angel. You’re so naughty for lying to daddy. For that, daddy gets to do what he wants.”
He slips the pistol out of your mouth with a wet pop and grins wide before he begins to slowly run the gun down between your breasts, along the smooth valley of your stomach and then to your aching clit. He runs the muzzle up and down your pussy, teasing your wet folds. “This is a Desert Eagle, angel. If I pull the trigger, you’ll die instantly. But they’d also struggle to identify your body because your entire head and teeth would be shredded. Isn’t that absolutely wonderful?”
You frantically shake your head, fear coursing through your veins, suffocating you into speechlessness. Jungkook chuckles darkly, “Aw, angel. Don’t you want to feel what this gun can do to you?”
You gasp when Jungkook sinks the barrel of the gun inside your tight hole, forcing it deep inside you. He watches as your pussy stretches to accommodate the barrel and grows harder in his slacks when he slides out the gun to run his eyes along the stainless steel glistening with your slick. His finger rests on the trigger as he pushes the gun right back into your cunt, filling you up, pumping it in and out of you while Hoseok watches the entirety of it. Your eyes squeeze shut in shame and humiliation.
Voice thick with fear, you have to ask, “I-Is the gun l-loaded?”
Within the police academy, you learnt that two basic rules of gun safety is to treat every gun like it’s loaded and to keep your finger off the trigger unless you’re ready to shoot.
You cry out in pain when Jungkook slaps you right across the face. “I said not a fucking word out of your filthy mouth, angel. Whether the gun is loaded or not is none of your business.”
“Don’t act like you’re not enjoying this,” Jungkook snarls as he pushes the cold metal in and out of you faster. He leans in to whisper against your ear, “I own your building, angel, I know just how much of a fucking slut you are. You’re imagining that this gun is my cock, aren’t you? Don’t you just desperately want daddy to destroy your tight little pussy?”
You whimper, the veins on his hand and neck prominent as he shoves the gun in and out of your hole, your cunt squelching loudly as you grow uncontrollably wetter.
Jungkook murmurs sweetly, “If you cum, angel, I’ll pull the trigger.”
Your eyes widen in fear, heart thundering inside the cage of your chest. You realise that is why Jungkook did not make you cum instantly with his tongue, building you up just so he could break you down and torment you for his sick pleasure.
Jungkook spits on your pussy, thumb furiously rubbing it into your clit. Your legs quiver in fear and pleasure, toes curling as you attempt to make the wave of ecstasy threatening to overtake your body recede.
When you feel yourself reaching your limit, you beg with tears in your eyes, “Please! Please stop!”
But Jungkook does not stop. You emit a breathless gasp as your orgasm hits you, your heart seizing within your chest when you hear the gun click. However, all that shoots out of the barrel is a rush of air into your convulsing pussy. Jungkook’s shoulders shake with laughter but your body sinks in relief.
That is until Jungkook pulls an identical gun out of his blazer and shoots a bullet right through Hoseok’s head. 
The gunshot rings loudly inside your ears and you scream as Hoseok’s blood splatters all over your body, burning hot on your skin like dripping candle wax.
Jungkook immediately slaps his hand over your mouth. “Shut the fuck up. I’m not going to fucking listen to you cry for him.”
For a moment, he admires your beauty, drenched in the blood of his enemy whilst you tremble uncontrollably. His lips curl into a smile, running his thumb along your cheek and bringing it to his lips to lick Hoseok’s blood clean. 
“That greedy bastard Kim Seokjin really demanded a lot of money, angel. But it’s alright, any amount of money is worth it if it means you’ll only belong to me.”
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paperrretro · 8 days ago
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thinking about how each madrigal’s gift can be seen as representing something the family needs –
julieta - healing
pepa - emotional honesty
bruno - trust in the future
isabela - growth/a new beginning
dolores - willingness to listen
luisa - strong family bonds
camilo - adaptability/an open mind
antonio - willingness to communicate
and mirabel, having no superpower, represents how each member is in and of themselves a gift, and that every person in the family is needed
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waragainstintelligence · 10 months ago
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Every class in society save royalty, and especially British royalty, has through some of its members contributed something to the elevation of the race. But neither in science, nor in art, nor in literature, nor in exploration, nor in mechanical invention, nor in humanising of laws, nor in any sphere of human activity has a representative of British royalty helped forward the moral, intellectual or material improvement of mankind. But that royal family has opposed every forward move, fought every reform, persecuted every patriot, and intrigued against every good cause. Slandering every friend of the people, it has befriended every oppressor. Eulogised today by misguided clerics, it has been notorious in history for the revolting nature of its crimes. Murder, treachery, adultery, incest, theft, perjury – every crime known to man has been committed by some one or other of the race of monarchs from whom King George is proud to trace his descent.
James Connolly, on the worthlessness of British royals ('Visit of King George V', 1910).
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atsumuse · 8 months ago
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What’s your take on the Palestine situation as a political science grad and middle eastern woman
there is a significant imbalance and abuse of power — international human rights law and UN agreements have been repeatedly violated. news outlets have made it out to be this stressful, complicated, complex issue, but i'll break it down for you like this: this is modern day colonization and genocide. there is no “conflict” because there is no “both sides” to the issue. plain and simple, there is one side with an incredible amount of weapons, power, and global influence which is never held accountable for its actions, and then there's palestine. this represents a humanitarian crisis. isr*el is the oppressor, palestine is the oppressed. these human rights violations are outlined by the human rights watch organization as “The Crimes Against Humanity of Apartheid and Persecution", “Intent to Maintain Domination”, “Systematic Oppression and Institutional Discrimination”, and “Inhumane Acts and Other Abuses of Fundamental Rights”. source in the link above with detailed info.
PLEASE READ before i get into specifics: there are good people and bad people in every country. there are good arabs and bad arabs, there are good israelis and bad israelis. any mention of isr*el is referring to the “state”, not the general population. i condemn those who group all jewish people and all israelis together and refer to them as bad people or derogatory terms, this is simply untrue. there are many groups of israeli and jewish people who are organizing against what their government is doing, and who disagree with the settlements, human rights violations, and violence. i am not defending the “state”, only the innocent, good people because as an arab, i’ve seen these blanket statements thrown around. i’ve rejected them irl and i feel it’s my responsibility to say something about it here, too. if you have this view, please, i encourage you to take a look at the sources linked above and to reach out and have productive conversations with members of your community. there are better ways to express your anger and disdain, this is unproductive. 
one could argue: but palestine is sending rockets! yes, this is a fact, but considering the iron dome’s effectiveness (isr*el’s rocket/missile defense system—you can read up on it), the few attacks palestine resistance manages to carry out are either shot down or do very little damage in comparison to the massive firepower of isr*el’s to a state with no defense. think of it like tiny little pebbles compared to isr*el’s massive boulders. palestine does not have the budget of $20.46 billion dollars in military defense and spending that isr*el does. but it’s still wrong! absolutely, the taking of any innocent lives is not right. civilians are just going about their lives and don’t have a hand in major political moves, they don't deserve to pay the price. however, this is brought to your attention to further illustrate the point that the two parties are not on equal footing by any means. the data speaks for itself: 251 vs. 5,590.   
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completely innocent adults and children are being murdered, tortured, and imprisoned, electricity is shut off for most of the day, any aid or humanitarian help is blocked from entering, medical supplies and medical help is extremely limited (due to the blockades and also due to the fact that palestinians are barred from accessing certain [isr*eli only] roads), they are dealing with a water crisis, access to food is limited, and regardless of how many generations a family has lived there, isr*el will still force them out of their home. they are known to bulldoze families’ houses, torch crops, shoot parents in front of children and children in front of their parents, and intimidate and bully palestinians as if the mental anguish of being colonized and living in fear isn’t enough. statistics & sources can be found here.
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the idf is happily livetweeting and admitting to their crimes, and this is all backed and cosigned by most of the developed world due to influence and and lobbying. its biggest backer ($146 billion to date) is the united states and this connection goes all the way back to the cold war, you can read up on that as well to understand the history and why their crimes have been and continue to be covered up by the international community. 
anyway, i’m tired. i could go on about this for much longer but i’ve seen too many horrifying videos and read too many articles and i’m all cried out. my heart hurts the same way it did when i saw that video of a father protecting his son from isr*eli soldiers back in the early 2000s. if you’re feeling helpless like me, please read this article on how you can help and check out these links. i also encourage you to write your local representative/MP and encourage/pressure them to speak out and publicly condemn isr*el’s actions. attend your local peaceful protest and do so while taking precautions and with a mask on. i encourage you to think critically and consider the facts and statistics, not only in this situation, but whenever you're consuming media.
thank you for asking. free palestine. 🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸
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k-rising · a month ago
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Sun signs (Part 1)
The Sun is a planet which represents our ego and our spirit. This planet is ruled by Leo, which means that this planet has the same characteristics as this sign.
Part 2
𝓐𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝓢𝓾𝓷
→ ᴼʳ ˢᵘᶰ⁻ᴹᵃʳˢ ᵃˢᵖᵉᶜᵗˢ
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Idols from left to right: Renjun from NCT Dream / Lisa from BLACKPINK / Irene from Red Velvet.
Aries Suns are born leaders. They're straightforward, impulsive, restless and have lots of energy. These people are charismatic; they are the life of the party. These individuals are initiators and they want to achieve big things. Aries Suns are competitive and like having new adventures. They don't think twice before doing or saying anything and they tend to move forward no matter what. Aries can be quite aggressive when they want something and this can cause them to take unnecessary risks; they learn better through experiences. These individuals forgive and forget quickly as well.
𝓣𝓪𝓾𝓻𝓾𝓼 𝓢𝓾𝓷
→ ᴼʳ ˢᵘᶰ⁻ᵛᵉᶰᵘˢ ᵃˢᵖᵉᶜᵗˢ
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Idols from left to right: Chaeyoung from TWICE / Hyunsuk from TREASURE / Bambam from GOT7.
Taurus Suns are practical and sensual. They love everything that bring them pleasure and comfort... including food! These individuals seek for stability, as well as material and emotional security. Taurus love taking their time when doing things and they don't like when others rush them. They can be quite stubborn and, whenever they make a decision, it can be hard to change their minds.
𝓖𝓮𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓲 𝓢𝓾𝓷
→ ᴼʳ ˢᵘᶰ⁻ᴹᵉʳᶜᵘʳʸ ᵃˢᵖᵉᶜᵗˢ
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Idols from left to right: Hyuna / Dahyun from TWICE / Shownu from MONSTA X.
These individuals are curious, ingenious, smart and hella funny. Gemini Suns are constantly changing and adjusting themselves when there's people around; they reinvent themselves. They need mental stimulation in their connections, since they get bored easily. They LOVE to talk and share their knowledge with others. Geminis can be quite restless and unconscious, and others can consider them very child-like.
𝓒𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓻 𝓢𝓾𝓷
→ ᴼʳ ˢᵘᶰ⁻ᴹᵒᵒᶰ ᵃˢᵖᵉᶜᵗˢ
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Idols from left to right: Taemin from SHINee / San from ATEEZ / Lia from ITZY.
Cancer Suns are intuitive, emotional and posses a vivid imagination. These individuals have a tender heart; they care a lot about their friends and family members. They're melancholics and don't like changes. These people are moody and they change depending on the environment around them. Cancers have trouble letting go of relationships and situations. They need plenty of space to unravel the little dramas of the day, or they will become irritable. They also tend to hold grudges, making it hard to regain their trust.
𝓛𝓮𝓸 𝓢𝓾𝓷
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Idols from left to right: G-Dragon from BIGBANG / Tiffany Young from Girls' Generation / Mark from NCT.
Leo Suns are friendly, sociable and very creative. These individuals posses a radiant presence; they are confident, and when they are on their journey to achieve their goals they make everything seem possible. Leos are proud, dramatic and love being the center of attention... but they're also very loyal and they have big hearts! These people love being surrounded by love. However, undeveloped Leos can become very selfish.
𝓥𝓲𝓻𝓰𝓸 𝓢𝓾𝓷
→ ᴼʳ ˢᵘᶰ⁻ᴹᵉʳᶜᵘʳʸ ᵃˢᵖᵉᶜᵗˢ
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Idols from left to right: Joy from Red Velvet / Felix from Stray Kids / Mark Tuan from GOT7.
Virgo Suns are practical and autonomous. They are in constant motion and like routines. These people are responsible and posses a lot of nervous energy. Virgos are perfectionists and they always want to make improvements in almost every area of their lifes. They also like serving others... however, undeveloped Virgos are capable of being too servicial. They also have high standars not only with others but also with themselves.
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cheesus-doodles · 26 days ago
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Inspired by the anon who got two dollars from santa, because the reader know the toman since their childhood( I think), who is the first to realize Santa is not real and the last person of the group to realize that when they were kids? Maybe you can do it in hc or something -Winky Wink
Also, I need to find the time to read time leaper fic
winky wink anon! been a hot minutes since i've seen you around ^^ take your time to read, it'll be there! if you meant childhood as like maybe 11-12 ish, then yes, reader does know them for a while now :) its after Christmas by now but whatever lmao - i've been working on all my long fics and rewrites so ask answers will be a bit slower, but i don't want to stop the brainrot train either
Masterlist
First to Last to Realize Santa isn't real
Yandere Platonic Toman
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Mitsuya: Growing up dirt poor and having to be the one to take care of his little sisters, Mitsuya is the first of the Toman boys to realize that the Santa he heard his classmates talking so fervently about didn't exist for him. This doesn't mean that Mitsuya doesn't try his darn hardest to keep the dream real for his two little sisters, making sure that they always have presents awaiting them under the small tree on Christmas Day. Never did hate Christmas, but the festive season is definitely much better for him and his sisters with you around. Still doesn't believe in Santa, but you help to keep the illusion alive for his two sisters, and this boy definitely doesn't mind an extra cuddle while you wow the younger two with enchanting stories.
Kazutora: Due to his difficult childhood, Kazutora is also another of the Toman boys that found out very quickly that either Santa absolutely despised him, or that the fat jolly man didn't exist. Kazutora learnt the hard way that Christmas always represented a time of hatred and drunk, angry parents, and it was a period he learned to despise with every fibre of his being. He always make sure to hide away and fear the coming of that day, until you came along with your little handmade gifts and warm homecooked meals to gently lift the tears from his eyes and brighten up his day like Christmas lights. Started to secretly believe in Santa again because who else would deliver such an angel into his life?
Draken: He's a smart boy. Even if the girls and the manager of the brothel tried to keep the illusion going as long as possible for him, making sure that they went the whole mile to put out cookies and milk for Santa, and leave presents under a decked out Christmas tree, Draken probably figured it out quickly by himself through logic. Have most likely stayed up to catch his little family putting his presents under the tree and certify that his conclusion of Santa being fake was correct, but will continue to play along for at least a few more years seeing how hard they try. You know that he knows, but you still tell him about how Santa's elves made his presents anyway, and Draken is more than happy to play along.
Pah: Believed in Santa until Peh absentmindedly spoiled Christmas for him otherwise in the midst of beating an opposing gang member. Only two things that Pah was really crushed about finding out was that his wish for Santa to bring him a sweet new motorcycle every year was basically redundant, and all the wasted cookies and milk that he carefully cut from his own portion. Gave Peh a good kick in the side, but after a quick grumble, life basically just went on as normal. You do specially make his favourite type of cookies in different motorcycle shapes every Christmas for Pah, and label them as a present from Santa - Pah definitely makes sure to loudly thank Santa before sweeping you of your feet and giving you a few good tickles between his thanks.
Baji: This baby boy definitely believed wholeheartedly in Santa, a practice his mum helped to keep up in the hopes that Baji would at least try to be good for the year to be on the good list. With how sneaky and street-smart Baji is, its a wonder how long his mum managed to string him along, though the nice list didn't particularly help in encouraging this delinquent to clean up his act throughout the year, the effect limited to the period only around Christmas. Magic was accidentally spoiled by Kazutora - Baji was so heartbroken that he went straight to your house for a cuddle and a cry (which he denies and you keep secret anyway). You did tell Kazutora off on behalf of his mum - who at least had the decency to look sheepish. You still tell Baji that he had been a good boy and that Santa delivered his presents with a cheeky grin though.
Mikey: The ultimate Santa believer. 100% refuses to believe that Santa doesn't exist. Doesn't matter what anyone yells at him during a fight, Mikey always holds fast that somewhere, somehow, that fat man was bringing him presents, good presents mind you, if he didn't want broken bones. Never managed to stay up long enough to catch a glimpse of Santa though, no matter how hard Mikey tried, always managing to fall asleep even while standing up - a feast of taiyakis and milk always does the trick putting this baby boy straight to sleep. The other Toman founders had tried to take over keeping the dream alive for their beloved president after Shinchiro's passing, but honestly everyone heaved a sigh of relief when you stepped into the role without even breaking a sweat. Mikey looks forward more than ever to Christmas now when you weave him stories about how Santa had personally overseen the making of his present and delivered it in the dead of the night like a ninja, all the while Mikey munches away on one of your famed taiyakis.
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cherrykindness · 8 months ago
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let's make babies |
pairing: Harry Styles x Actress!Reader
summary: you and harry are doing a live on instagram, you've drunk a lot of wine and now the world knows that the future Mrs. Styles is ready to make babies.
warnings: mostly cute, but the title tells you what you need to know 🤪
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"What is your favorite song from the Fine Line album?" Y/N read aloud, twirling in her right hand the second glass of wine of the evening, the one already halfway through. "Adore You and Watermelon Sugar, of course."
Harry giggled, rolling his eyes upon hearing his fiancée's statement.
"Y/N will always choose Adore You because it was obviously written for her." He accused. "She wouldn't give that answer under different circumstances."
The comments climbed up the screen continuously, most fans gushing about how cute Harry Styles and YN/LN could be while the other part was concerned with wringing even more information out of the slightly inebriated couple who had decided to do a surprise live one early Sunday morning.
As expected after being away for some time to begin filming Don't Worry, Darling in Southern California, Harry enjoyed a lazy weekend in the house he shared with his fiancée and her pets. The days were filled with late naps and relentless Netflix marathons, sublime and ethereal evenings, marked mostly by unexpected declarations and rounds of sex that used to last until the beams of light were shyly coming through the linen curtains. They were not a monotonous couple, so this order could easily be changed.
"Watermelon Sugar is nothing more than about my love for watermelons, don't get too creative." Harry replied to a fan while sporting a corner smile, the message standing out among the rest for its dozens of emojis and large print, questioning the singer about erotic content behind the lyrics of his latest hit. "I really don't know what you guys are talking about."
Y/N laughed, shaking her head before leaning it against her fiancé's chest, propped up on the soft white pillows that were spread practically all over the bed. The air conditioner was on at a minimal temperature and a light rain whipped on the panes of glass camouflaged by the cream-colored curtain, that being the projection of Y/N's favorite nights.
"You can tell them, I'm not shy." She joked, nudging her fiancé's waist.
"You know what it was written about and who it was written for." Harry replied, raising one of his eyebrows. "That's what matters."
It went without saying that much of Harry's newest album, as well as some of his earlier work, had been done in exclusive dedication to his future wife. Y/N had been the muse for a vast repertoire of romantic songs, and even though the singer preferred to keep the story behind his more explicit compositions a "secret", the relationship the two had shared for more than three years was already solid and known enough for the media and fans to distinguish hidden messages in small details.
"It's a song about what usually comes before the act of making babies." Y/N laughed as he pointed at the display. "Honestly, you guys are impossible."
"No, we make babies every day." Harry joked, making a funny motion with his eyebrows. "I would spend my entire career writing just about that."
"Harry!" The actress exclaimed incredulously, slapping her fiancé weakly on the chest. "Children might be watching this."
"You don't want to have babies with me?" He asked falsely offended, accepting the cup that Y/N offered him. "Because I want some babies with you."
Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes as she watched the internet freak out at the dialogue that had suddenly emerged. Since the beginning of the quarantine, it was kind of inevitable that the couple of artists would not become the darlings of all social media; they were fervently active with photos, videos, and lives that depicted step by step daily life in isolation, gaining more and more followers and making the media more and more fascinated by the relationship they both shared.
The wedding was scheduled for the summer of next year and it was perhaps the most anticipated event in the tabloids. Bets about what the model of Y/N's dress would be and lists presuming who would be selected for the short list of guests stood out among countless news stories about the famous people influencing pop culture today.
The possible arrival of a Styles baby was an inevitable topic in interviews. Harry and Niall were the only members of the ex-boyband that had not become fathers yet, and because they had maintained a solid relationship and were seen as one of the most enviable couples during the last four years, Y/N and Harry had gotten used to all this openly asked questions. They didn't mind, they even had fun with the montages and all the anxiety that dominated the whole internet, often mentioning the fandoms' efforts to represent them as such "cool" parents in perfectly edited pictures.
"No, guys, I'm not pregnant." Y/N amusingly clarified the doubt of dozens of new comments. "Please don't believe so many controversial news stories that appear out there. I was on twitter last week and saw several people theorizing about a possible pregnancy, most of the arguments based on a website that used photos from the set of How to Get Away with Murder in the season where I was actually playing a pregnant woman as Laurel." She laughed. "It's so funny! I know you guys love to guess these things, but we won't hide something so special when it actually happen, I promise."
"Especially because Y/N can hide absolutely nothing from anyone." Harry accused, leaving his drink on the corner table before settling into a comfortable position for the two of them. "Anyone who's a Marvel fan knows that. That's one of her most characteristic quirks."
"They gave me a fake script for the last two movies." Y/N agreed, shaking his head. "For me and Tom."
"We agreed to keep the engagement a secret for a while. The plan was to travel to Holmes Chapel to break the news to my family in person, but guess who got a call at ten o'clock at night from an angry Anne because she learned of her son's engagement from an interview Y/N gave the next day?"
Y/N gave a guilty smile, winking gracefully at the camera. "It was all James' fault! I'm sure he already suspected something, those questions were very suspicious."
"Of course the questions were suspicious, babe. You literally said you had a secret that involved both of us but that you couldn't tell because it was important that our families knew first."
"I thought he would think about a pregnancy or something!" The actress defended herself, feeling very convincing in her intonation bordering on obviousness. "That's a mania I can't get rid of, it's in my genes."
"Did you all hear that? Further proof that you guys don't have to worry about guessing when Y/N's pregnancy will be, I'm sure our baby will make sure to tell you everything while still in the womb, mom's genes will make sure of that."
"You are so funny, Harry Styles." Y/N sarcastically stated, holding back a giggle as countless messages with laughing emojis were frantically up. "Yeah, I know I talk a lot and all, but you have annoying quirks too."
It was obvious that live would be news the next day. Although they were completely open about matters concerning their relationship, nothing seemed better than receiving so much exclusive information from a Harry and S/N drunk on expensive wine.
"You wake up in a bad mood and you're dangerously sexy, that should be illegal."
Harry laughed, holding his fiancée's waist a little tighter as he felt her tumble a little further to the side, getting closer and closer to the edge of the bed. Y/N was dangerously weak for drinks, and the singer knew that the actress' body was already near its limit.
"You're the only sexy person here, love." He declared with a corner smile, evidently finding the whole situation funny. "Do you want to go to sleep now?"
"No." Y/N shook her head. "Can we watch some movie? Can we watch Sweet Home?"
"Of course, love." He murmured, giving the woman a quick kiss on the forehead.
Even though Harry knew that his fiancée was unlikely to make it past the five-minute mark of the episode, he made sure to restart the korean series at exactly the scene where she had stopped, the first chapter still halfway through after Y/N realized that it would be impossible to watch such a macabre work without a drop of alcohol in her blood.
She had been so excited by the taste of Argentinian wine and the idea of updating her fans after a few weeks away, that she had forgotten the main purpose of the live. Harry and Y/N had been apart for a few days due to the new movie the Brit was shooting in North America, all happening in an unrestrictedly careful manner due to the restrictions caused by the pandemic.
He was slowly migrating towards acting and the future Mrs. Styles couldn't be prouder. Y/N had felt on cloud nine when Harry had given her the news of his upcoming job, but her only pronouncement on the subject had been a succinct post on instagram. Just a photo of the couple on a trip to Germany with a simple heart emoji didn't seem enough for the actress' exhibitionist soul, and coming to that conclusion was the main reason she decided to invite him, already relatively changed, for a live appearance. Y/N wanted to go on and on about how much she loved that man and work on that whole honeyed speech that would bring her (once again) the title of "cutest bride of all time," but of course Harry had to come home from his trip with his favorite red wine and poison her with those sweet caresses that took her out of orbit, turning the degree of alcohol content into the least of her problems.
"You're going to kiss Florence." Y/N exclaimed suddenly, as if only now realizing that her fiancé would share the screen with Florence Pugh, one of her closest friends in that industry. "Kiss on the mouth."
The MacBook was still open and hundreds of new comments were going up every second, but Harry didn't bother one bit to warn her about the possibility of her becoming a meme the next day. He was having too much fun with the situation to worry.
"Are you jealous?"
"Yes." She stated with a pout. "I am jealous, I just don't know if I'm more jealous of her or of you."
"But you kiss me every day, babe." Harry laughed. "And you've been kissing other people's men for almost ten years." He joked.
"But I only think about you, I already told you that."
Harry shook his head negatively at the camera, knowing he was sharing with the fans the funniest side of his fiancée.
"I know that, honey." He assured, lightly stroking the actress' back. "I think we'd better turn off the TV and go to sleep now, I'm sure you'll have a terrible headache tomorrow."
The brit planned to bid his audience goodbye and put an end to that recording, but Y/N was drunk and her sense of right and wrong had already gone to space. Harry should have been quicker, however, because his fiancée's speech would be cause for new tags and the only subject for the interviewers for at least the next few months.
"I don't want to sleep, how about we make babies?"
That's what Watermelon Sugar was all about, after all.
683 notes · View notes
lushtans · 7 months ago
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No harm done | jjk
➳pairing: detective!jungkook x suspect f!oc
➳genre: detective!au, angst, mystery, strangers to enemies to lovers, smut.
➳summary: on a random morning you wake up with a handsome stranger looming over you. once the haze is gone, you come to know that your uncle, who brought you up since you were a child, has been murdered yesterday night and the stranger is apparently the detective who’s looking over the case. more badly, he’s suspecting you. will you be able to prove your innocence?
— masterlist
➳rating & word count: 18+ ; ~5.5K
➳warnings: trigger warnings, mention of murder, blood, violence; explicit sexual content, stripping, sexual tension, unprotected sex (be safe!), rough sex, oral (m!receiving), vaginal fingering, nipple play, marking, choking, multiple orgasms (f!receiving), desk sex, sir kink — this is fictional and doesn’t represent jungkook in any way!
➳a/n: hi loves! i’m here with the rewrite of ‘troublemaker’ as i promised! this is a fast and wild ride, enjoy ♡!! thank you so much to @outromoni for making me this beautiful banner! This is unedited, forgive me for my mistakes!
➳taglist: join my permanent taglist!
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The observant and cautious eyes of the eminent detective, Jeon Jungkook, sweeps over the tainted crime scene. His lips are pressed together in a thin line and his brows are furrowed from the numerous possibilities running through his mind. If he understands something by now, it’s that Mr. Emery’s murder was out of pure rage. The body has been sent to the postmortem already. But the dark patches of blood on the expensive carpet are telling a story of their own.
He has a hunch that it’s someone close to him. Someone who probably wasn’t happy with his decision and during an argument they lost their mind and committed the murder. Most probably unintentional but still, crime is crime.
Without the need to turn around, Jungkook can feel someone’s presence behind his back. Fixing the little creases on his coat, he turns around. The sorrowful, broken form of the victim’s wife almost makes him frown. But, being the professional he is, he clears his throat. “Can I help you with anything?”
He notices the way anger burns in her mournful eyes, her hands turning into fists. “Do you know who did it? I hope that moron burns in–”
“Ahem.” he steadily interrupts, “I’ve just started considering all the clues and once I’m done, I’ll start interrogating the family members. Please be patient.”
She sighs. “Fine. I’ll leave you to your work.”
“Thank you for understanding and cooperating.” He nods.
As soon as she leaves the room, he rolls up his sleeves, his muscles flexing as he stretches his figure. He decides to look around the bedroom yet again. Jungkook wants to make sure that he’s gathering every possible clue from the crime scene which can come handy to find the culprit.
After a few minutes of thorough lookout, he finds an intricate lace button. It clearly belongs to one of the ladies of the Emery family. He picks it up in his gloved hand, the sunlight making it glisten like a twinkling star. With a knowing smirk, he waves one of his assistants, the next step he’s about to take already set up in his mind.
In the living room, Jungkook gathers all the family members, carefully noticing the nervousness and sorrow painted in their eyes. After moments of stretched, uncomfortable silence, he finally speaks up, “Visit me in the library one by one.”
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The victim’s son is the first person to knock on the library door.
“Can you recall any recent arguments, or disagreements your father had with someone in the past few days?”
“Well... Dad is– sorry, I mean..” Rafael stops, swallowing heavily.
“It’s alright.”
“Yeah... Dad was a really level-headed person. But probably 2 weeks ago he had a disagreement with y/n. It was about her being single, I think? Not sure, but I don’t think that it affected their father-daughter like relationship. Actually sometimes...”
“Sometimes?” Jungkook asks, taking notes in his mind.
“Nothing, it just feels like he loves y/n more than his own child haha. But it’s alright, I’ve seen them like this since my childhood.”
“I see. Do you have something else to say? What about the decision of his business empire he made?”
“He kept me out of his business. And I personally don’t have any interest in it. I’m a wildlife photographer, my passion is entirely different in comparison with his.”
“Oh, I see.”
~
Mr. Emery’s wife enters the library as the second person.
“Just wanted to ask, is this button yours? In any case, just trying to make sure.” The detective shows her the evidence bag.
“No, no! Not mine!! I don’t have any dresses like that!!”
“Please calm down, I’m not here to arrest you. Just asking.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to burst out like that... I’m just going through a lot. Losing my husband so suddenly has affected me.” She mumbles the last sentence, a lone tear rolling down her cheek.
“I understand that.” Jungkook nods, continuing with a sigh.
“I heard from Rafael that your husband had a disagreement with y/n… do you happen to know what was that about?”
“Ah… yeah. He was not happy with the fact that his orphan niece is still not settled down with one of the suitors he recommended.” She replies, her voice sounding… bitter.
“Thank you for your input. You’re free to go, for now.”
~
The housemaid is up next.
“So Nini. For how long are you working for the Emery’s?”
“It’ll be 4 years in a few months.”
“That’s a long time! So you’ve earned their trust I assume?”
“Hehe, I hope so.” She shrugs.
“Okay, so do you happen to know anything about this button?”
“Uhm... that button– that button is probably from a fancy lace covered crop top of y/n.”
“Are you sure?”
“I think so. She has so many of them! And the buttons in those tops look like this as far as I remember.”
“That’s interesting.” He hums thoughtfully, putting the evidence bag away.
~
The sound of Jungkook’s impatient feet padding against the sleek wooden floor echoes through the spacious library. After waiting for a bit more, he groans, “Sammy! I’m waiting for 45 minutes now, where the hell is the niece of the victim??”
Squinting his eyes, Sammy pokes his head in, his voice nervous. “Um, sir I asked the maid–”
“Get straight to the point.”
“She’s still sleeping... and she’s not informed yet about the murder...”
Jungkook snaps his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. Gosh, he fucking hates lazy, spoilt girls. Who the fuck sleeps at 11 am?
As if on impulse, he decides to wake her up by himself. He takes a few deep breaths and unbuttons his shirt around his chest. He’s furious, and he really wants to put the damn girl in her place.
“Sammy! Where the hell is her room?”
“On the 2nd floor I think.”
“I’ll just ask the maid. You know that you shouldn’t answer unless you’re sure about it!!”
“I’m sorry sir...”
Jungkook strides out of the library without another word. He spots Nini in the living room.
“Hey! Can you tell me where’s the room of y/n?”
“Oh... Why?” She looks at him, taken aback.
“I need to interrogate her.” he states coldly.
“I’m sorry but we haven’t told her anything yet–”
He interrupts the maid, “That doesn’t bother me.”
Nini looks around helplessly. “Please understand, it’s a family decision. Her uncle was all she had, her parents died when she was 7 months old and–”
He groans, “Oh please, I don’t have the time to listen to your sappy stories. I have work to do.”
“It’s the reality not a sappy–”
“You know what? I’ll find her room on my own.” With that, Jeon Jungkook stomps off, frustration running through his veins. People like this make him angry.
On the 2nd floor, he stands in front of a beautifully crafted wooden door, and for some reason, he feels in his guts that this is the room of the girl.
Cautiously, he turns the doorknob, just slightly surprised to find it unlocked. He peeks inside, a beautiful, sculpted female curled up in the bed. He enters the room stealthily, his body freezing at the gorgeous sight he’s met with.
There you are, with nothing but a sheer white nightie and a pair of pastel pink panties. Your mesmerizing face is completely rested as you sleep peacefully. The white nightie is short, so short that he clearly sees your cute butt, the delicate lace of your thong barely holding it together.
Next, his eyes trail up to your navel, belly and breasts… Jungkook can feel his cock twitching in the confines of his pants when he notices your perky nipples through the sheer material.
For a moment, he just thinks how it will feel to have you pinned against the mattress, his lips around your sweet, sweet nipples and his cock deep buried inside your cunt, your pillowy lips parted as he fucks you, taking out all the frustration he’s feeling right now. It would feel like heaven, he imagines.
Damn it! Get your shit together!
What is he thinking about? It’s unethical and against his morals to imagine having sex with a potential suspect, but fuck this! His traitorous body speaks otherwise.
Cursing himself for letting his guard slip, he takes a deep, steadying breath, forcing away all the inappropriate thoughts and ignoring the semi-hardness in his boxers. He needs to get back to his zone.
Sighing inaudibly, he approaches you, clearing his throat loudly. You whine in response, turning around so that your back is facing him. And almost immediately, his gaze focuses on your nightie falling aside, revealing your juicy ass.
He grits his teeth, trying to look away from where your panties have slid aside, the moist folds of you out in display. That paired up with the sound you just made, the detective feels his blood running south.
After a long moment of struggle, he looks away, regretting his decision to wake her up by himself. What the hell exactly was he thinking?! This is a disaster.
Jungkook reaches out to grab your forearm, the tip of his fingers softly brushing against the side of your soft breast.
“Later, Nini.” You let out a whimper, moving your hand away. That causes his palm to fall on the swell of your breast. For a fleeting second he grazes the gentle flesh, retracting his hand the next second as if it got burnt. He needs to stop, he really does.
The sound of the bed squeaking takes his attention, and he finds you stretching on the bed. Your long legs and torso straighten, your breasts standing tall like two dollops of ice cream with a cherry on top. Almost hypnotized by the scene, the detective looms over your figure, really wanting to rip off your skimpy clothes and ruin you right here, right now. From this close, he can inhale the sweet fruity scent of you, his mouth watering.
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You feel someone’s hot breath fanning over your cleavage, softly writhing from the feeling before you flutter your eyes open. You’re immediately met with an insanely handsome stranger hovering over you, his eyes drinking you in. You bite down your lower lip, his tattooed hands, his firm, flat chest, the prominent bulge in his pants gathering wetness between your legs. His strong, dominant aura makes you swoon. Even though he’s a stranger, you’ll absolutely let him ruin your body. You can’t remember the last time you’ve desired someone this badly.
He finally meets your eyes, swallowing nervously and backing away. The crackling sexual tension between you and this stranger leaves you panting softly, your chest going up and down in a rhythm, making him run his fingers through his hair.
“Get dressed. I have work to do.” he scoffs, looking away.
Puffing out your lower lip, you whine, “Excuse me? You don’t get to break into my room and order me around! Who are you? Should I call the police?”
He chuckles. “The police report to me, sweetheart.”
“Wh– what?! Why? You’re lying!”
“I’m not lying. Get dressed. I do not wish to interrogate you in this state.”
Interrogation? About what?
Knowing very well that he’s lying, you come up with a plan to crack him up. Feeling rebellious, you pull out your nightie, your boobs jiggling as you look back at him, challenge in your eyes. He coughs, “Faster, or I’ll handcuff you and take you out just like this.”
Smirking, you stand up on your bed, turning back and wiggling your ass, shimmying out of your panties. “Maybe you can handcuff me and we can have some fun here...”
With your feet, you fling the piece of clothing back on the floor. You look back to catch him gawking at your naked form. But he clears his throat and looks soon after you turn around.
“Are you gonna get ready or what?”
You get down from the bed, walking up to him with a pout, “Why? Don’t you like what you see?”
You trail your finger down his chest, stopping right over his belt. He sucks in a shaky breath. “Are you trying to seduce the law? Do you know that you can get into jail for this?”
Not looking up, you softly stroke the tent in his pants, whispering, “But your body is speaking otherwise.”
He grips on your wrists roughly, his voice almost a growl, “Keep your hands to yourself, don’t test my fucking patience because I barely have any left!”
A flash of surprise and fear crosses your eyes, and you back off. The sudden wave of shame crashes down on you, and you cover your body with your hands and cross your legs together. Taking the note, he turns around to give you privacy, warning you, “You have 5 minutes.”
With shaky limbs, you head towards your closet, putting on a pair of denim, a monochrome tank top, and a black leather jacket in hopes that it’ll make you look tough. But what you don’t know is that two brown irises follow your every single movement.
Once you’re done, you tap on his shoulder, not daring to look at him. He takes the hold of your wrist, and you feel the warmth of him transferring to your skin.
Strangely enough, he takes you to the library, the anxious glances of your family members catching you off-guard. What is happening?
Inside, he motions you to take a seat. You sit down, not wanting to mess with the stranger anymore. From a drawer, he takes out a sealed packet, producing a familiar button from it.
“Is this yours?”
You throw him a questioning glance, “Yeah... why?”
“It was found in your uncle’s bedroom, where he was murdered last night.”
Deafening silence.
“So? Spill the beans, how’d it get there?”
You shake your head in disbelief, stuttering, “Who– who are you to say that?! How dare you lie to me about my uncle like that... He– I’ll go call him you’re a–”
“He’s in postmortem. I don’t think that he’ll answer you.” he shots back, his voice incredibly lacking warmth.
You choke out a sob, looking at him furiously. “Stop lying! Is this some sort of a prank?”
“Your uncle was murdered! You really think that me, Jeon Jungkook is here to prank you?!”
You stand up, glaring at him through tears, “You are Jeon Jungkook? Where’s the proof?”
Almost immediately he shoves his ID badge in your face, your heart sinking as you look at it. “JEON JUNGKOOK” — it says.
You know who Jeon Jungkook is. He’s probably the most trusted and consistent detective working with the state police.
“You mean– uncle... He– he—”
“Yes.”
Sobs escape you, your whole body trembling from the impact of his words. Ignoring your situation, he questions, “So? How did this button get there? You better have some good explanation because you’re on thin fucking ice.”
You shake your head violently, blinded by the tears, “I don’t know anything. Please leave me alone, I- I need to–”
Jungkook grips on your shoulder, “If you refuse to answer me here I’ll have to take you to my office.”
You snivel, covering your face with your hands, “Are you a human? Do you not understand that–”
“Oh I am a human, and after dealing with so many criminals I know what to do when things get messy.”
Unsure what to say further, you just look at him helplessly, “Are you implying that I’m the– the one who did it?”
Rolling his eyes, he crosses his arms around his chest, “Oh please. Don’t act so innocently. We both know that you’re not.”
Your head hanging low from the emotions, you choke out, “Listen I don’t know what you think but you need to understand my position–”
“Spoilt little girl.” he mutters under his breath as he shakes his head before calling out, “Sammy! Come here!”
His assistant comes inside, throwing you a pitying look. You try to control your breathing as two men discuss.
“Tell the house maid to find the top this button is from. We need to check it.”
Sammy nods, going outside. The detective looks at you with interest. “Get up, we’re going back to my office.”
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After 2 hours of interrogation and several mental breakdowns, you rest your face on the ice cold metallic table. Your temperature is slightly high from all the stress and crying, and the cold surface stings your skin.
“Did you visit your uncle last night in his bedroom?” Jungkook repeats the same question for the hundredth time.
You shake your head no, your eyes cloudy as you feel yourself losing your consciousness. He gets behind your chair, holding you upright as he asks again, completely relentless about it.
“Okay so let’s pretend that you’re not the main suspect. Who do you think can do this to your uncle?”
You stand up, facing him with hatred in your eyes, “Can’t you just stop?!”
“Oh? So are you confessing that it was you?” he quirks his eyebrow.
Rage fills up your whole body, and you scream at him, “How many times have I told you that I didn’t do anything!? Why don’t you understand?! He was the only person I had left in my family!”
He sighs, clicking his tongue. “I’d love to believe you. But then again, you had a fight with your uncle a few weeks ago about your relationship status. Plus, a button from one of your crop tops was found in the spot. Do you think that I’m stupid?”
You hold your head in your hands, groaning, “But that doesn’t prove anything! I fought with him because he wanted me to marry someone he likes but I’m not ready for marriage. And I haven’t worn that top since last month!”
Jungkook taps his fingers against the table. “So he was pressuring you to marry. Sounds like you had enough reasons to push him out of your way.”
“What? Are you kidding right now? I’d never do that! I can’t just kill my uncle because he didn’t agree with me!” You protest, tired of defending yourself.
“Okay then what about the decision he made? Are you happy with the new outlook of his business empire?” He presses further.
You roll your eyes. “I’m a self-made woman. I was never interested in his business or whatsoever. It’s too much for me so I chose my own way.”
He opens his mouth to say something, but the impatient knock on the door interrupts. “Come on in.” he says loudly.
Sammy enters the room, handing him a file. “The postmortem report is in, sir.”
The detective takes it immediately, walking away from your seat. “Thank you, you may go.”
You gulp as he leaves, every cell in your brain practically screaming at you to ask Jungkook about the report. Different types of emotions show up on the canvas of his face, and you keep your eyes fixed on him. Suddenly, he gets up, catching your wrist and pulling you up. You shriek, “What are you doing? Ugh–”
“Shut up. We need your fingerprints immediately.” He cuts you off, urging you to move. You look at him with glazed eyes.
“Fine. Go ahead. Finally I’ll be free of your dumb accusations.”
He stays silent, but his glare speaks volumes.
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After another tense hour spent arguing with Jungkook, you come back to the office with Sammy. “When the heck is your boss coming back?” you ask.
“Soon. Please be patient. If you’re truly innocent then you’ll be free to go after he comes back with results from the lab. He’s consulting with Dr. Ramsey.”
“Fine.” You huff, crossing your arms around your chest.
To your surprise, the detective comes back within an hour, a grim expression on his face. “Go inside. I need to talk with Sammy.”
You nod, heading into the interrogation cell without any further ado. You lick your dry lips, your heart thrumming in your chest. What are the results?
Jungkook enters the room swiftly, his hands turned into fists. You nervously look at his cold, brown eyes, a surge of fear taking over you.
“Your fingerprint… it did not match. You’re free to go, for now. But, you’ll be called if the case takes different turns.” he explains.
Anger and frustration bubbles up in you, and before you know, your hand is planted against his cheek with a rough slap. He growls like a wounded animal, twisting your hand and backing you up against the desk. The pain makes you scream, and you struggle to take your hand away from his iron grip, “It hu–hurts!”
“Let it.” he grits his teeth, “How dare you slap me?!”
“It was well deserved! You asshole! You’re inhuman to make me mmh—”
He captures your lips in a bruising kiss, his teeth sinking on your lower lip. You gasp in surprise, and using this to his advantage, Jungkook enters you, biting your tongue. A moan escapes you, his taste intoxicating as he ravages your mouth like a starved animal. Your knees buckle from the feeling, but before your legs can give up, he holds you tightly, pulling you into his body. His hardened erection presses against your belly.
You mewl, your head lolling back in pleasure. Getting the access to your neck, he pulls out your jacket, his teeth scraping on the sensitive skin of your neck. He alternates between soft licks and hard bites. You thread your fingers through his silky black hair, crying out in pleasure.
“You like that, huh?”
Humming, you tug on his shirt, the buttons flying away as you pull it away with haste. You need to feel his skin against yours.
He looks at you intensely, picking you up to settle you on the desk. His hands quickly work you out of your clothes, not stopping until you’re completely naked in front of him.
Kissing you passionately, Jungkook grabs your breasts, squeezing and kneading them, grunting in your ear, “You’ve teased me all day with godforsaken body, now it’s my time. To absolutely ruin you until you can’t fucking talk.”
You shudder, mumbling against his lips between heady, demanding kisses, “I thought you hate me? Jeon Jungkook? What about your ethics?”
He leans down to bite your left nipple briefly in response, flicking his tongue along it and biting gently on your breast. “Who told you that I hate you?”
You moan, encouraging him to go on. “Oh really? Your actions said otherwise.”
He takes your right nipple, hungrily sucking on it and grazing his teeth along it. “What actions? Like kissing you? And sucking your tits?”
“Lord…” you breathe out, reaching for his zipper and pulling his pants and boxers down.
“Fuck!” Jungkook groans, his rock hard cock springing out. It bobs lazily, the tip an angry shade of pink.
Your jaw hangs open, he has a beautiful, massive girth with veins. Your hands automatically brush over it gingerly. He kisses you again, boosting your confidence, your fingers now spreading his pre-cum beads on his tip.
He grunts, touching your foreheads together as you work on him.
“Can I.. taste you?” you offer.
Eyes hazy with lust, he nibbles on your lower lip, tangling his tongue with yours, “Call me sir, y/n. Beg me, tell me how much you want it.”
You feel your cunt throb, your voice merely a whisper, “Please sir, let me suck your cock. I need it so badly.”
Jungkook smirks, “Get on your knees.”
Within a blink, you sit down in front of him. Your mouth waters as you watch his fully erected cock, your tongue sticking out to lick his tip teasingly. His mouth parts softly, his eyes locking with yours when you play with his pink tip. You suck and dab on it with your tongue to gather up the pre-cum. His hand holds you by your hair, guiding your mouth on his full length, hissing with pleasure.
You slacken your jaw, trying to adjust to his dick while he forces you to take him whole, soon making you gag. “Can’t you take all of it?”
He throws you the most, self-satisfied and knowing smirk. With a few inches still left, tears gather in the corner of your eyes as you choke on his shaft, unable to take more of him.
Jungkook brushes away a lone tear lingering by your eye gently, whispering, “It’s alright... use your hands where you can’t reach.”
Nodding, you take his base in your hands, pumping and twisting it whilst bobbing your mouth up and down his length. He lets out a guttural groan, holding your face while you softly bite down on him, licking it to soothe the slight pain. You’ve never felt so nasty in your life, sucking and licking his cock like it’s your favorite popsicle.
“Oh fuck!”
He moans when you reach down to fondle with his balls, his hips bucking up to meet you halfway, his tip hitting the back of your throat, making you gag again. Smiling, he takes the lead, going in and out of your mouth rapidly, incoherent words leaving you. You keep your hands on his balls, looking up at him with the most submissive eyes you can master.
“Ah! Damn it!” Jungkook grunts, picking up pace and mumbling to himself. You close your eyes from the anticipation, squeezing his cock with your throat. He slams in your mouth for one last time before he pulls out reluctantly, ordering you, “Climb up on the desk.”
You comply without any words, spreading your legs instinctively, waiting for him to touch your pussy which throbs for attention. He looks at your spread out form, licking his lips before attacking your mouth. You moan eagerly, his fingers parting your folds while he tastes himself in your mouth.
You break the kiss, grasping on his shoulders as he pushes two digits inside your core, pumping you slowly. He drops open mouthed, wet kisses along your jaw and your shoulder. His fingers curl inside you suddenly, making you whimper. You rock your hips with his movements, squeezing his fingers with your inner walls whenever he hits the correct spot. His thumb finds your swollen nub, rubbing it in tight circles.
Burying your face in his shoulder, you muffle your gasps and moans. Soon, you start to pulsate around him. He sucks on the juncture of your neck and shoulder, murmuring, “Don’t hold back. I can feel that you’re close.”
And you feel your pussy clench around his fingers. You can sense his smile against your skin, his fingers easing you out after you’ve come.
You take your time to gather yourself. Once stable, you look up to meet his brown orbs, darkened with desire. Jungkook extracts his fingers out of you, putting them in his mouth one by one and sucking them clean, “So fucking delicious, aren’t you?”
Your cheeks get warm from the compliment as he wraps your legs around his waist, his member poking your entrance. You bite your lip, whimpering softly at the thrill of Jeon Jungkook’s cock wrapped around your labia. He grunts, and without a warning, he slides inside your cunt.
Both of you moan simultaneously from the sudden pleasure, his cock stretching your walls to fit in. Once he’s balls deep inside you, he kisses your forehead, relishing the feeling of your warm, drenched core around his shaft. He fills you so perfectly, like two pieces of the same puzzle.
He starts to move, agonizingly slow and gentle, his lips peppering butterfly kisses on your bare skin. But soon, he loses it, jerking his hips to fill you up all the way and pulling away until only his tip is inside you, slamming back to your hilt again.
A string of whimpers escape you, his voice low from desire. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to do this to you since I saw you. You’re a fucking goddess.”
You pant heavily, looking up at him with doe eyes, crying out and mumbling between his hard thrusts. “I’ve... aah– wanted you too.” He reaches for your clit, his speed fervent. “Since– since I saw you ogling me.”
Jungkook chuckles out, his cock tirelessly hitting your g-spot again and again. “So you caught me staring, huh?”
You kiss him hungrily, moaning in his mouth as his cock brushes against your cervix, “I liked it– oh!”
He angles up his hips, stimulating you differently, in a way that leaves you feeling mushy. He presses on your clit harder, watching his length disappear inside your cunt and reappearing. He smiles when he feels your pussy tensing around him, his voice soft, “You feel so good, y/n.”
“Jungkook–”
He rolls your clit in tight circles, his thrusts now touching your cervix each time. Soon you feel the pleasure coil in your lower belly tightening, your voice a prayer as it snaps. Pleasure waves crash down on your body, your inner walls clenching around his cock. He slows down, gathering your body in his arms as you recover from the orgasm, feeling like a mess. Through the haze, you could feel one thing, that his cock is still inside you, hard and throbbing. You gulp, knowing that he’s not done yet.
Jungkook softly pushes you down on the table, the cold metallic surface hitting your back, a tingle running down your spine. He hauls up your legs, putting them up on his shoulders and looking down at you with a newfound tenderness.
His cock slides inside your cunt, filling you up inch by inch until you two are one, again. His movements are rough and demanding, but there’s a fragile intimacy between you.
You close your eyes, feeling slightly dizzy from the friction between your bodies. Your moans are a silent prayer to him. It seems like the more he fills you, the more your want for him crests. His hold on your legs tighten, and you know that he’s close.
“Cum in me, Jungkook...” you look up at him through half-closed eyelids, your cunt pulsating around him, making him growl.
“That’s potentially a dangerous invitation. Are you sure? We aren’t using protection so–”
“I’m on birth control. Please... I need your cum in me.”
“Fuck!”
He nods, giving a few more sloppy thrusts and shuddering, thick, milky ropes of his seed filling you up. You scream his name, quaking as you reach your third orgasm, a low groan falling off his lips. “Y/n... You feel so– oh my god!”
Your walls clamping down on his cock catches him off-guard, his pelvic muscles contracting.
Silence fills up the room, only your heavy breathing echoing through the cold, dimly lit office. He pulls out carefully, carrying you to the nearby washroom and cleaning you up, and cleaning himself.
“Can you walk?” He asks, concern coloring his voice.
You sigh, shaking your head, “I don’t know...”
He cradles you in his arms, taking you to a bedroom that’s connected with his office by an elevator. The door to it is hidden and secured with a number lock.
He puts you down on the bed, kissing your forehead and whispering softly, “I’m so sorry for being a jerk earlier... And I’m so sorry for now, I shouldn’t have worn you out like this...”
You squeeze his hands, looking at him with pain flashing in your eyes, “You were really an asshole with me jungkook... I lost my only family and you were so rough with me about everything... And–”
You stop, your stomach sinking as the thought crosses your mind, “And what did I do? I fucked the detective who’s investigating his murder. I’m– such a horrible niece–”
He bites his lip, his fingers brushing away your tears when you curl up in a cocoon, shame, guilt, pain tearing your heart apart.
“It’s– it’s my fault... Please don’t blame yourself.” Jungkook holds you close, stroking your back while you sob in his arms.
“I promise I’ll find out who did that to your uncle, okay?” He kisses your neck. “In fact, Sammy should be back soon with the fingerprint results of the rest of the Emery family.”
He drapes a soft blanket over you, “Rest, sweetheart. I’ll let you know once I figure out everything.”
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Jungkook comes back after another hour, and you sit up immediately, a lump in your throat. “Do you… do you know who did it?”
He sighs, biting his lower lip nervously, “It was Mrs. Emery. Her finger print was found on the button of your top, as well as on your uncle’s phone.”
Clouds of overwhelming emotions gather in your mind… and tears stream down your cheeks in a silent pain that only you know. He comes up to your side quickly, hugging you tightly and patting your back.
“I already sent the police to arrest her. I don’t know why she was trying to frame you, but… we’ll see I guess.”
His protective hands hold you close as sobs wreck your body. You mumble, holding onto him tightly, “I– she took the only person whom I had in my life.”
Jungkook kisses you softly, “Not anymore. You have me y/n.”
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the end ♥
author’s notes 💌:
thank you so much for reading bubs! hopefully you enjoyed this very ambitious project of mine 🥰! reblogs are highly appreciated 🥺💕! also leave your feedback if you want to 🥺❣️uwu! this is the longest fic i’ve ever written lol ✨ i truly hope that i was able to execute my ideas properly T^T
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tarotwitchy · 7 months ago
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{astro notes; pt. 4}
• Asteroid Pandora •
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Asteroid Pandora (Code 55) is an astrological avatar that represents the situations or factors that we are blessed with... yet could be our very own downfall; our Hamartia, if you may.
In some cases, these factors could be the root of our curious obsessions that just need to be satiated. It's like an itch that needed to be scratched. But then again, nothing good comes out of excess. And along the way of satisfying our curiosities, we (and others) might end up getting burned together with the scorching trail we left behind.
Nevertheless, disciplined control over these impulses can be beneficial to our attributes and self-development.
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🥀 Pandora in Aries
Your zest for life is almost tangible. There's a very primal need for survival in this placement that it radiates out of you in every waking moment; in the way you project yourself to others, and the choices you make in life. That said, there's the looming danger within you that's threatening to snap when you don't get what you want. Impatience is your downfall, as there's this internalized fear of missing out on all the things life could offer. This fear can manifest through hasty actions, brash words, and impulsive decisions that ultimately end up backfiring against you and others that are involved in your life.
🥀 Pandora in Taurus
Luxury and wealth are privileges only so few of us are rewarded. And you've made it your personal mission to become a part of that luxurious few. Whenever people think of grandiosity, you want them to think about you. All the riches life could bless you with, that's where you want yourself to be. And who doesn't? You are free to be motivated by a life of comfort and earthly desires. Yet, this is where the crux of the problem lies. In your journey to wealth, you will stop at nothing to hold the gold you want to own; so much so, that you can get absolutely consumed by this... forgetting that the true essence of living is not defined by the money we have in our pockets.
🥀 Pandora in Gemini
Your mind is an eternal black hole; starving for endless knowledge and information you can get your hands on. Knowledge is power, as they say. You are willing to dive deep into the recesses of humanity and beyond the unknown to understand all the questions you have about all of this. With that said, there's a part of you which understands that earthly information will never suffice and satiate your hunger to know everything. It’s only a matter of time until your mind itself becomes the detriment of you. You are walking on the thin line between wisdom and insanity.
🥀 Pandora in Cancer
The penchant for making a home out of people is strong in this placement. You can’t help but be attached to those who present themselves to you as someone needing your tender love and care. This is a great asset for those who deserve it; close friends and family members in most cases. However, you find yourself giving this quality to people who would use you up and spit you back out when they no longer need it. And by then, you have forgotten to give the same love, care, affection, and attention to yourself — the one who needs it most.
🥀 Pandora in Leo
To be seen, heard, and acknowledged by the general public are perhaps ingrained in your soul’s blueprint since birth. You want to show the world what you’re capable of, who you truly are, and all of the untapped potential you’re willing to develop for further recognition. But this can devour you in the long run. By emulating this mindset without healthy boundaries, you are at risk of being trapped in the cycle of needing acknowledgement from people who don’t even have your best interest at heart, and those who don't even deserve to witness the beauty of your journey to self-development.
🥀 Pandora in Virgo
Perfection is your ambition. It's something you've always wanted to manifest in your waking moments. The word itself won't exist if it's not achievable, you'd probably muse internally. Through numerous trials and errors, you learn from your mistakes in order to produce an outcome that's passable based on your standards. A word of caution, however... not everyone thrives in perfection. And not everyone can reach and maintain your standards. By demanding order and uniformity, you are unknowingly implementing a smothering environment not only for others, but for yourself as well. You are at risk of getting hung up on the minute details of life that you miss the bigger picture of living.
🥀 Pandora in Libra
To love, and be loved in return, is one of the sweetest pleasures in life. You’re in love with love itself. It doesn’t matter if it’s platonic, romantic, familial, or parental. The notion of giving and receiving love has been one of the major highlights of your life. Nevertheless, life isn’t all sunshine’s and daisies. You have the tendency to become extremely melancholic with this placement once you’re no longer receiving the love you think you need to survive; and when you no longer have the focal point of your love and affections. Sometimes, you have to recalibrate your rose-colored glasses in order to see the truth of the matter — whichever you think it might be. 
🥀 Pandora in Scorpio
On the opposite side of the spectrum, this placement is the epitome of becoming enveloped in the darkness of life. You have no problem immersing yourself within the cesspools of humanity; as you believe that our true nature lies underneath all the niceties and pleasantries of daily life. You can see through all the lies and masks people think they can wear with mastery. Not to you, though. You know the primal nature of man. Yet, you cannot let yourself be devoured by this impulse to know people’s secrets. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. If you continue down this path, you are exposing yourself to the risk of becoming like them in the end. 
🥀 Pandora in Sagittarius
Like your fellow fire signs, you have the drive to prove something to yourself. And in this placement, you want to prove that you can become whoever you dictate yourself to be. You are not afraid to embrace different facets of humanity in order to determine which tribe you belong into. You may be known as the person who can be a chameleon in all settings; all because you have explored that path of life beforehand. Even so, there is the existing endangerment that you may lose yourself in the process of finding yourself. Remember, you already have everything inside of you that you need to define who you truly are.
🥀 Pandora in Capricorn
Being able to utilize both your environment and your body to your advantage is perhaps one of the gifts many truly covet for themselves. You can see the potentiality of people, objects, timing, surroundings, and circumstances in a way that others oftentimes miss. This is a mark of a prudent person due to the fact that you rarely make impulsive decisions. However, when this placement gets out of hand in scenarios where patience run thin, you can appear as though you can easily outmaneuver people like chess-pieces without second thought... and that doesn't sit well with people. You can be ousted regardless of your good intentions because all they see is an iron-fist dictator.
🥀 Pandora in Aquarius
You have a knack for being ahead of your peers and society. It's because of this that people naturally gravitate towards you due to your fresh ideas, progressive opinions, and original creations. You've been known as the person who "knows people" since you can blend into any groups of people from all walks of life. However, there are also times when things just move too slowly for your liking. And this is when you try to move too fast for anyone else to follow — may it be your thought processes or how you conduct your plans for yourself. This is where people feel left behind by you, and they might feel overwhelmed by the influx of unfamiliar concepts. With that, you're ultimately isolating yourself from the rest of your peers.
🥀 Pandora in Pisces
You were born with the natural inclination and gift of the subconscious. To be able to traverse between the seen and the unseen — underneath the underneath — is why you can emerge from the depths of the psyche alive and unscathed. What most people would find difficult to mentally process, you explore with ease as a past time hobby. But beware; all of us have limitations, as we are all human. There are things within us that are best left unexplored and unseen. Because once you start pulling on the strings of the unknown, next thing you know is that you're neck-deep into the quicksand of the subconscious mind, clamoring to get out.
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I sincerely apologize to all my followers for this unannounced hiatus. I didn't mean to disappear from all of you this long. There are quite a lot of things happening in the background that I do not wish to taint my blog with — which is also my sacred space. I can't promise to regularly post... but I'll try my best to write at least one post in a month. Thank you so much for your patience, my loves. I miss you all as well.
{masterlist}
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moonianbbyg · 4 months ago
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✧ what you daydream of based on the sign of your 12H
TW: emotional topics, sexual harassment, death etc.
♂ARIES: you daydream of being the best looking person in the room with the best energy as well. aries are known for being leaders since they are the first zodiac sign, you daydreaming of being superior you might’ve thought to yourself that you might have a superiority complex too. 12H is your hidden enemies but aries tend to always know who isn’t a supporter of them so this could mean you also daydream about karma or you being their karma.
♀TAURUS: this might sound harsh but you just want stability and peace in your life.. you want people to give you clarity and not mixed feelings. the people who don’t like you always made it be known and they might’ve even bullied you before and you felt like the helpless kid. you daydream of making people regret for messing with you - taurus representing money and luxury you could daydream of your dream home a lot or becoming rich
☿ GEMINI: honestly you just think about being happy. people always make you have confusing opinions about them and then you come off as “two faced” because you always ask others for guidance and their opinion on the whole situation. you also get blamed for your “two faced” personality when it’s really other people’s fault. now the way i’m describing gemini in 12H i don’t want people to think they’re weak because they’re the opposite, despite all the negativity in their life they still know their worth. you’re very revengeful and dream of revenge and success in everything (similar to aries) you have the power to do so.
☾ CANCER: 12H can represent your dad’s surroundings and his family members, and with this placement you might’ve been mistreated by your dad and his side of the family. you daydream of having a peaceful/nice home life without problems and worries. when you’re single you’re literally always thinking of being in a very romantic relationship that feels like a soulmate connection
☉ LEO: growing up you didn’t get enough attention or you could’ve been the kid at school who tried their hardest and wouldn’t get appreciated for it by your parents. (3H deals with your school life but people with a leo 12H can relate to this) you just daydream of having a peaceful life where people show they care for you/show you affection. you might have abandonment issues so you could also fantasize about your future special person who will make you feel important, loved and provide you enough attention.
☿ VIRGO: you are a naive person who knows it. you always tell yourself when will i finally have more self respect/love enough to stand up for myself and cut off every toxic person out of my life? you easily get hurt by the littlest things even though you have an air rising and people might expect you to lack sensitivity. you daydream of doing what’s best for you and getting rid of all toxicity in your life. when it comes to who’ll get the most attention you want all of it, you want literally everyone to adore you and want you
♀LIBRA: you always feel so unappreciated by most people. you want to come off sexy and alluring while you’re wearing something unique no one would come up with, you want it all. the best life, perfection and etc. people often told you to stop “living in the clouds” and realize you’re living your reality not your made up fantasies. my advice would be to follow your dreams/ambitions because nothing is a “fantasy” don’t forget nothing is impossible!
♇ SCORPIO: you hate negative vibes and people, you want to enjoy life especially if you’re still young. you’re the person that doesn’t care to hurry up anything.. you believe it can never be too late. you daydream of having the time of your life each time you get the opportunity to go out. sudden losses of friends or deaths always haunt you and affect you in the worst ways possible. you’re always looking for a reason to stay positive which is so good!! basically you just daydream about the past and what it could’ve been.
♃ SAGITTARIUS: why, what was the reason? do i really deserve this? you’re the person that feels bad for themself because of all the trauma they went through. capricorn being your ascendant you’re ruled by saturn, so don’t worry everyone will get their karma for whatever they did to you, you are karma. you could daydream of your first love a lot because after that you can’t seem to find true love.. you easily get hurt or heartbroken. you’re a sensitive little soul who just wants to provide everyone happiness within yourself too.
♄ CAPRICORN: you might’ve had an absent dad or a bad relationship with him and your mother too. you don’t really crave family or a stable home life like cancer in 12H but you desire and daydream of friends you can replace as your family members. you hold grudges (especially if you have personal water planets). you’re not a person that’s stuck in the past.. you’re following your dream life and the best you can get out of your life. you daydream of getting money and having fun
♅ AQUARIUS: you were the kid that’s so focused on your school life, grades were an important priority to you - you had to get the best results. your mother plays/played an important role in your life and you’re very grateful for her, you’re working hard for you and her. this is another placement with an absent dad or he could’ve not been emotionally invested into you or your mother. you want a fun father figure you can vent to without getting judged. you daydream of doing the best for your family and yourself. you might even fantasize about having a business together with your friends!!
♆ PISCES: all you want is peace. you might’ve got disrespected a lot in the past and overly sexualized/cat called. you love to be alone and do what you like. if you’re interested into spirituality (astrology, tarot) it can just be the right hobby for you! meditate and manifest because you have the ability to get whatever you desire. you also have a very good fashion sense so you might daydream of styling your friends for events/for their wedding etc.
this post was created by @moonianbbyg on tumblr <3 please give credit if reposting my work.
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sunshyngal · 8 months ago
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物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)
Characters : Alpha! Jungkook x Omega ! OC.
ABO Dynamics.
Genre : Arranged Marriage / Temporary contractual Marriage.
Warnings : Non- Con/ Extremely Dubious Consent . High functioning alcoholism. Genre related consent issues. Implied suicidal thoughts. 
Summary : A recently widowed Jungkook agrees to a contract marriage to keep his company afloat. His grief overwhelms him and it is hard to look at his new wife as anything other than an intruder .
[  Author’s Note :  物の哀れ ~ Mono no aware can be translated as ‘the sadness of things’. It comes from the words 物 (mono – thing) and 哀れ (aware – poignancy or pathos). The ‘sadness’ in question comes from an awareness of the transience of things, as taught by Zen Buddhism. When we view something exceptionally beautiful, we might feel sad because we know it won’t stay so beautiful forever – but appreciation only heightens the pleasure we take in the beautiful thing in that moment. ]
Chapter 1
 Chapter 2
I wrapped the white wool shawl tighter around my shoulders. The night was still chilly and the and smelt faintly of impending rain. Why they would plan a party outside while it rained, was beyond me.
After my little skirmish with Jungkook, I had found Namjoon quickly only to be told that we couldn’t leave for another hour at least because there was a  certain investor who wanted to meet Namjoon . The guy was running late and he had to wait for him. So here I stood, shivering lightly, all while keeping an eye on my husband as he got progressively drunk.
Namjoon’s words made me sigh a little.
“You can’t decide what someone else’s normal is, Namjoon. Especially when it comes to grief.  But the drinking is an issue. And you’re right about the therapist. I know she’s doing her best but I’m not sure if she has the right answers for him. Or even the right tools to help him.”
“I’ve been searching up on therapists who specialize with alphas. There’s one in Itaewon , his name is Kim Taehyung. I really think he could help. He’s an alpha himself.”
“That sounds good. Betas may not fully understand alpha mating bonds or what it’s like when one of them dies. Taehyung may have a better understanding of what Jungkook’s going through.” I nodded, a little hopeful. 
Therapy with the beta lady the hospital had recommended wasn’t really helping Jungkook the way it ought to.
Namjoon hesitated.
“Would you be willing to go with him? Taehyung insists a family member stay in the waiting room just in case...” he asked gently. I turned back to look at my husband, leaning on the mahogany countertop of the bar, fingers curled around a glass of whiskey.
“And I’m the one you want to consider for that? That’s ridiculous. Jungkook hates me.” Did I really have remind him of this salient fact? 
“I’ve offered to, before.  He doesn’t want me there." I sighed as Jungkook threw the drink back with ease.
“That was three months ago though. Things have changed now right?” Namjoon prodded.
I laughed, shaking my head.
“Not between us they haven’t. He’s spending more time with Mina and he isn’t throwing stuff around but he still loathes me.”
“He loathes what you represent: his own shortcomings and failures. Your father wasn’t kind in his approach and you are a reminder of all the things he can’t control.”
How fucking unfair,  I thought playing with the tiny  ring on my finger ( or should i say handcuff really? ), my wedding ring , the platinum band engraved with my husband’s name, a drop of his blood embossed into the metal. 
An archaic tradition, that carried no meaning in modern Seoul but the idea of it was still alive and well. The idea that what we had was a blood bond, imbued in our veins now.  An alpha’s connection with a beta or an alpha mate was usually quite fragile. But an alpha and omega mate bond. That was supposed to be powerful. 
Unless the alpha was still phantom bonded to a dead wife , that is. It was odd thing. Mate bonds had to be mutual to work. So there was no bond between Jungkook and I . We didn’t have any feelings for each other of course. But wearing someone’s blood on yourself changed that . it forced a bond that wasn’t there. It was ancient magic and it worked on my kind. Not on his. 
How fucking unfair because it wasn’t like I could control any of this either? 
I grimaced. I had thought of taking the ring off 
“Ouch.” I said with a smile. Namjoon waved off my self pity with an eye roll. 
“You know what I mean. Even for an Alpha, Jungkook has always held on to his pride. Losing his wife and his company all in the same week probably left him feeling incredibly helpless and your father browbeat him into this whole thing. Of course he isn’t going to be eager to share heart to heart talks with you. ”
I held my hand up. 
“I know all that Namjoon. I was there, remember? And I’m not blaming him for any of that. Trauma makes you do shitty things and I understand that . I also understand that if he was in his right mind he wouldn’t behave the way he does now. But that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t change his mind for him. If he doesn’t want to get help, I’m kind of helpless myself, you know?”
Namjoon reached out and squeezed my hand.  
“I’m just asking you this because , he does listen to you at times. I’ve noticed it. He doesn’t outwardly agree with you but he takes your opinions into consideration. And, Heejin you live with him and you’re the one who managed to convince him to start scenting Mina. ”
And God, how exhausting that had been. I had kept at it because Mina was so young and she needed her father’s scent to grow. And while i could be persistent when necessary,  I couldn’t work miracles. 
“Namjoon oppa, “ I said softly, trying to explain myself without sounding like a horrible human, “  I don’t hate Jungkook. Far from it. I want him to get the help he needs and I’m here for him. If you can convince him to go see Taehyung and he’s okay with me coming along, I won’t say no. Mina needs him and there’s nothing I would like more than for him to get better. ” i smiled a little, “ But he’s still going to have to be the one to make that choice. i can’t make it for him.” 
Namjoon nodded.
“ Fair enough. Well,  I’ll talk to him about it. We’ll set something up. Thank you for not refusing Heejinah. I know it can’t be easy for you either. 
I opened my mouth to respond but out of the corner of my eyes I caught a glimpse of someone, staring intently right at me.
 I turned sharply, eyes locking with those of Kim Yugyeom and I stiffened, stepping closer to Namjoon on instinct.  Yugyeom smirked, winking at me. 
I shuddered in disgust. 
Creep.
Namjoon followed my line of vision and swore.
“This motherfucker.” He made to move towards him. and I grabbed his arm, fingers digging into his forearm. The last thing i wanted to witness was an alpha alpha showdown in the middle of a party with me in the middle. 
“Please, no. Don’t make a scene. It’s what he wants.”
“Jungkook has the shittiest friends on the planet.” Namjoon shook his head and I couldn’t agree more. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mina’s appointment with the doctor went about as expected. She was right on time with her milestones and I sat in the waiting office for a mere twenty minutes before being called in. The doctor, an alpha named Min Yoongi gave me a small smile of recognition before flipping through the pages of her file.
“ Jungkook didn’t come along?” He asked casually, grabbing a pen and making a note of her weight and length before plotting it on the small graph. She was a little on the smaller side but she was growing well. 
“He’s busy...” i said with a shrug, “ So I still keep giving her the polyvisol supplements?” 
Yoongi nodded, “ The nurse will fill in the prescription for you. Are you sure he’s busy? He called me last night and told me he wanted to come see me?” 
I blinked. 
“He did ? “ I couldn’t quite process this. 
“He wanted to talk about how she’s doing and I told him he could come in for her appointment today.”
I imagined a world where Jungkook actually spoke to me, instead of forcing  me to navigate stormy waters on rotten plywood. Nine more months, i told myself firmly, already digging for my phone. Nine more months and I would be out of this living hell I’d gotten trapped in. 
“Can I try calling him? He’s probably forgotten. I think he might regret missing out.” I begged and Yoongi gave me a small smile, waving me off. 
“Of course you can Heejin-ah and tell him that if he wants I can drop by at the office and talk to him as well.” 
I nodded quickly , moving out to the waiting area while the nurses held Mina, soothing her before getting her ready for her shots. I tried calling him and not surprisingly he didn’t pick up. I called his office next and Jungkook’s secretary picked up the phone .
The woman hated me. 
“He’s busy.” She said curtly.” He’s specifically asked me not to bother him with stuff that isn’t important.” 
Her whiny voice grated on my ears and i bit my lips to keep the irritation in. 
“Since when does his daughter make that list, Ms Lee?” I said calmly and she hesitated. 
“He’s in a meeting right now and-”
“I’m in the hospital with his daughter. I hope you’re willing to take the heat when he finds out that you wouldn’t let me get through to him. “ I said casually. 
It was a twisted version of the truth for sure. Meant to imply that Mina was hurt in some way. But I couldn’t bring myself to regret it much. I had enough on my plate without dealing with twenty year old secretaries who fancied themselves in love with their hot boss. 
 “I... just a moment, Mrs. Jeon.” 
I loathed the name. It wasn’t mine. It was hers and I felt like a thief every time someone addressed me that way.
After two minutes, Jungkook’s  familiarly low and perpetually exhausted voice came out ,
“Hello? Heejin?” He sounded listless and his voice just a little slurred and i groaned. 
“Please tell me you aren’t drunk.” I whispered. 
“I’m not. “ He said shortly. “ What’s wrong? What happened? Is Mina alright? ”
“Did you tell Yoongi that you were going to meet him today?” 
He was quiet for a second. 
“i’ll talk to him.”
He hung up and I stared at the phone. I realized that I shouldn’t have called him in the first place. Should have asked Yoongi to call him himself. What was wrong with me? Even a few syllables exchanged with Jungkook felt like staring into an abyss . 
I moved back to the clinic , just as Mina plaintive wail filled the room. The shots were done. It took us another thirty five minutes to finish filling her prescriptions and for Yoongi to finish examining her. She was already dozing off and I wasn’t supposed to feed her for another thirty minutes so perhaps the nap would do her good.  I had just finished settling her into her Bjorn carrier  when Jungkook’s voice came from the entryway. 
“Is this the way to Dr. Min’s office?” 
I glanced back to watch him . He looked ridiculously handsome in a three piece suit, jacket thrown over his arm and hair lightly damp from the misty drizzle outside. I saw the secretary’s mouth actually drop open and stay agape as she tried to process his questions. i could see the way his beauty had rendered her entirely witless and as someone who had experienced it first hand , i could sympathize, 
But Jungkook was beginning to look annoyed from the lack of response and i decided to give the poor girl a break. 
“He’s waiting for you.” I called out and Jungkook startled. He glanced up at me and for some reason he looked surprised. He always looked surprised when he saw me. As if i was just some monster out of his worst nightmares turning up in odd places . As if he couldn’t quite believe that i did exist in his life now. Unwelcome but impossible to avoid. 
“You’re here.” He said blankly. 
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. 
“Yes, i am. I’ve been here for three months now. “ i said shortly, before i could stop myself, “ Mina’s fine.  She just had her shots. I’m going to drive home and put her down for a nap. Do you want me to come with you ?” I pointed at the clinic. 
He hesitated before shaking his head. 
It was all according to script then. Jungkook would never include me in a single thing. Even if i was smack damn in the middle of the room with nowhere else to go. 
“Alright. i’ll see you after work.” 
“We’ll have guests for dinner today. ” He said suddenly. 
I stared at him, confused.
“For dinner??”
“ Sooah’s parents.” 
Oh, God. 
Wary of the extra nurses suddenly filling the room, the little whispers and the curious glances, i kept my smile even. 
“Of course. ” I bowed a little before turning on my heel and walking away. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sooah’s parents were, for lack of a better word, selfish . 
They had lost a daughter, so of course i could understand with their need to keep their daughter’s memory alive. But the way they chose to do it was unhealthy and borderline vindictive. 
" She’s growing well.” Mrs. Kim had the same statuesque figure as her model daughter and she held her grandchild with a slightly unsure grip and Mina felt the uncertainty in her grip, breaking out into cries at once. I stayed still, my throat dry from disuse. I hadn’t said a word since they came in. 
We were seated at the table, dinner was done. 
Jungkook sat next to me, staring straight ahead while his father in law tried to engage him in conversation. 
With Jungkook, the grief came in waves. Some days, the waves were small and gentle, like the ones that lapped at your feet on the shore of a tranquil lake. on those days e went about his day as usual, spoke to his friends and signed deals.  And somedays they were big, behemoths carrying guilt and accusation, crashing over his head with a vengeance. 
On those days , he looked like he’d been run over by a two ton truck. 
Today was just one of those days and i could sense it.
The man was going on an on about some charity that Sooah had been involved in as a young girl... Could Jungkook make a contribution in her name?. Could Jungkook pay for a concert of her favorite singer in her hometown..?  Could Jungkook possibly consider contributing to opening a foundation in her name? 
I could feel the urge to scream, grow by the minute.
 Each syllable that spilled out of her father’s mouth was aggravating, the sentences began and ended with her name, over and over over again and It felt terribly like she was standing right next to me, ice cold and dead but real and relentless at the same time. He spoke of her like she was still alive and i couldn’t fathom how that was healthy. How that was going to help Jungkook move on.
 If anything it made it harder for him to move on. 
And in a moment of chilling clarity, i realized  that this is what they wanted. 
They didn’t want Jungkook to move on from her. They wanted him to be consumed by her. In the wake of that realization , i felt anger surge. 
There was just enough hurt and heartbreak and pain and grief in this room without these idiots adding to it. 
“Jungkook is tired tonight, uncle.. Perhaps we can discuss this later.” I said finally, unable to bear it any more.
The man gave me a glare.
“I wasn’t talking to you girl.” He said sharply. I frowned. 
“We’re trying to help Jungkook. “ The woman said sharply. “ Unlike you and your father we do not prey on the weak. “ 
Jungkook shifted at the phrase and I glared at her.
“He isn’t weak. “ I snapped, resisting the urge to add on a you bitch , “He’s grieving . And what he needs is space to process his grief. Not you people trying to shove your daughter into his throat with every sentence. “
“Don’t you dare talk about our daughter!” Mrs. Kim snarled and i felt a headache come on.
“I thought that was why you were here? To talk about her? Or should I say use her as an excuse to get money out of him??  What you’re doing is unfair and awful!! . Jungkook isn’t ready to talk about this and one look at his face should tell you that, if you even bothered looking at anything except his wallet.” I shouted. 
“Heejin, that’s enough.” Jungkook said hoarsely and i bit my lips. 
Of course he wasn’t going to support me even if we were on the same side. Defending him, protecting him was exhausting and it was such a thankless job. i wanted it to end. 
“I think we should call this a night. please, just leave” I said sharply, standing up and reaching for Mina. She glared at me but handed the baby over. 
“You don’t get to make that decision. My son in law is who I’m here to see. You’re just the parasite that’s attached herself to him. You sit there in my daughter’s place and you dare disrespect me this way. ” The woman snapped.
“Its still my house. “ I gritted out. “ I’m married to Jungkook whether you like it or not and so i have the right to ask you to get out of my house.” 
“Heejin, stop.” Jungkook’s voice only made me angrier. He sounded drained and empty and still these leeches wanted to suck him dry. And he was too  blind to see it. 
“I’m done with this” I stood up moving to the small pack and play that sat in the corner of the living room. i placed Mina in and watcher her eyes flutter shut gently. 
i turned back to stare at Mrs. Kim.
“i want the pair of you to leave. Get out before I call security.” 
She gaped at me. 
“you had a wedding... that doesn’t make it a fucking marriage. “ she sneered. “ Its probably not even legal until you consummate it. So go ahead, call the cops right now. You think i wouldn’t take you to court. ??!! ” 
She was spouting absolute nonsense, probably driven by her own grief  but i wasn’t feeling particularly charitable tonight. 
“Why don’t you ask your son in law that? Ask him if the marriage was consummated or not...” I smirked. 
She faltered, eyes wide and disbelieving.
“No. You’re lying ...he wouldn’t.” She turned to Jungkook who looked at me with fury in his eyes. 
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He said sharply and I scoffed.
“With me? What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with these idiots that they think they can come here and ask you to sign a fucking cheque when you’re still out here grieving for their daughter?!”
“You don’t know shit about them or her...” 
“I don’t have to. I don’t have to and i don’t care to either. All I know is that i married you and you’re my husband and whether you meant those vows or not, i did. I swore in front of my God and my family and I’m going to keep those promises. I’m going to protect you because I love your daughter . I’m going to protect you because you need to fucking live to be able to care for her. “ 
i turned to stare at his in-laws. They were staring at me, some of the fire dying out and in the span of a few minutes they somehow looked older . 
“You don’t deserve to be here.” Mr. Kim said finally, voice cracking and i exhaled. 
“And yet, here I am. And I’m not leaving. you are.” I said calmly. 
They stared at me for one more second before standing up and moving out of the dining space and into the hallways leading out. 
“We’ll call you later Jungkook-ah...” The man said before walking out of the door and slamming it shut behind him. 
The silence between us grew heavier as the seconds ticked. 
“We can’t decide how people grieve.” Jungkook said softly. 
I stared at him in disbelief. 
“You’re telling  me  that , Jungkook? Or did you forget all the times I indulged you when the only way you could grieve was apparently  by forcing yourself on me.” i snapped. 
His eyes widened , just a fraction before going blank again. 
He took a deep breath and went on. 
“They lost their daughter and they’re hurting. We can’t tell them they aren’t allowed to honor her memory...They’re clearly in pain...”
“Not more than you!” i snapped. “ You’re the one in pain here Jungkook. Your pain is so much more than theirs ..... Or may be it isn’t i don’t know.. But i do know that I can’t sit here and watch them bleed all over you when you’re cut just as deep as them.” 
“You don’t know shit about e!” He roared. “ Don’t you fucking dare talk about my grief like you can understand it...like you actually know what its like to lose the woman who had your fucking heart, because if you did you wouldn’t have agreed to this fucking marriage...you wouldn’t be here in this room with me, intruding on my grief and my pain... “
The sound of his voice made my entire body freeze in fear. I stayed perfectly still, jumping when he crossed the distance between us and grabbed my face, fingers curling around my jaw. 
“ You want to know how i wanted to grieve? I wanted to grieve in solitude!!! I wanted to grieve without some fucking stranger hovering over my shoulder like a fucking plague!”
I exhaled shakily, fingers trembling as i reached up to hold his wrist, my entire jaw throbbing with how hard his grip was. 
“It’s the price you pay for getting your company back. Jeon Jungkook. “ I choked out.” Or did you forget that marrying me is the reason you aren’t homeless on the streets “
He laughed a little yanking me closer and wrapping an arm around my waist.
“You’ve learned to talk back these days...” He muttered , “ I think I preferred the girl who hid in the nursery for the first three weeks of our wedding.” 
“I wasn’t hiding . I was avoiding you. Because your misery was contagious and i didn’t want any of it on me.” I snapped and his hold on my waist tightened. 
“Are you trying to make me angry? ” He snapped, fingers curling on my waist and I swallowed the whimper of pain that threatened. 
“Maybe i am... Maybe anything is better than watching you walk around this house like a corpse. You’re alive so I don’t see why you act like you died with her.” 
He growled at that, eyes blazing as he stepped back enough to stare into my face. 
“You’re right... I didn’t die with her. Although i wanted to...Maybe if i wasn’t such a fucking coward, i would have gone through with it.  .” He laughed and I felt my heart go ice cold at the very thought of it. 
“You didn’t die... So why don’t you get some help. There’s no shame in getting help... Taehyung...”
“I don’t need help. i need to be alone.” He snarled. “ I need to be allowed to cry and mourn my wife the way I want to but you and your father made sure that i couldn’t.”
I sighed, looking away in defeat. 
“Fucking look at me!” He snarled, hands grabbing both my arms and yanking me forward. “ Why won’t you look at me huh?  is the guilt finally catching up?” 
“No. No guilt. Just loathing and resentment.” I snapped back and he laughed again.
“Well too bad. Because you know what? You’re right. I paid for my company with my right to grieve and you...you paid for my name with your right to say no . “ 
I swallowed as he yanked me away from the table, dragging me to the couch in the side. 
“ I never refused you a thing.” I choked out, breathing ragged as he shoved me into the soft leather surface, crawling on top of me at once. “ I only said no when you were drunk out of your mind. When you thought it was okay to fuck me and call me by her name.” 
He made swift work of the buttons of my blouse and I stayed still, arms lying by my side. 
“ Are you telling me you want this ? You expect me to believe you want my hands on your body?” He sneered, fingers moving up to grip my hair. “You don’t want this and you don’t want me....Just like i don’t want you either. i’ll never want you. ” 
“You don’t want me.??.. You have a funny way of showing it..”  I scoffed , staring right into his eyes rolling my hips up into his  , greeted by the hard press of his length against my thigh.   “ And to be honest i don’t give a damn if you’re still in love with her , all I want is my name on your lips if you want to get off with me. Because I’m not just a toy you can use to replace your dead wife. I have  a name and you should remember it.  "
He growled again, fingers squeezing hard against the back of my head till my scalp felt like it was on fire.
“I hate you. “ He said clearly. “ I hate you and everything you’ve done to me.” 
“Everything I’ve done to you? Oh you mean save your life? Taek care of your baby girl like she was my own? Give you the chance to rebuild your entire career.? Turn you into multi millionaire again?  Good. Hate me. The feelings mutual. “ I snapped. “Now if you hate me so much why are you still here? Get off me.” 
“I’m not going anywhere, wife.” He sneered. “ Because like you said, I’ve paid for this.” He drawled, reaching down and squeezing between my legs. “And I’d be a pretty bad businessman if i don’t collect from my investments.” 
Before I could retort, he pulled back, just enough to grab me by the waist and flip me over on my front. I flinched when he grabbed my arms, yanking them back and trapping my wrists together in his fist at the base of my spine. My cheeks pressed into the leather couch, sticky and uncomfortable. 
i heard the sound of his zipper, the clink of his belt buckle. 
Coward. 
I shivered when he pushed my skirt up.
“Don’t enjoy this too much, yeah?” I snapped, “ You hate me remember?” 
“Easy enough to forget its you when I don’t have to look at you.” he retorted. 
He slipped one arm under my waist, lifting me up just enough for him to yank my panties down. 
“Just remember , you don’t get to blame the alcohol for this .” I sneered. “ You’re sober and clear headed and you’re hard for me. “ 
Somehow that seemed to bother him.
He stopped . 
I could feel the hesitation in his limbs. 
It made me laugh. 
“You know Jungkook, i took you for lot of things but a coward wasn’t one of them.”
“What the fuck does that mean huh? I should put you in your fucking place for how insolent you are with me... ” he pressed down on me and i gasped when I felt his chest pressing into my back, his face inches from my own. I flinched when he sank his teeth into the mating mark on my neck. 
“it means that if you’re going to do this, if you’re going to talk big about putting me in my place like the big bad alpha that you are, at least own up to the fact that you’re attracted to me. ” 
“ You forget your fucking place, omega.”  he hissed, voice sharp and furious against my ear. “ Another word out of that mouth and i won’t be responsible for what i do.” I gritted my teeth when he curled his fingers around the inside of my thigh, parting my legs and settling in between. 
He pushed into me in one strong thrust and my eyes flew open in shock. 
“Fuck.... why are you so fucking tight...” He groaned and my shoulders began to throb as he fucked into me, setting a punishing speed that left both of us panting . We were too fucking would up for it to last any longer than a few minutes and yet, i could feel pleasure swell inside me, wetness seeping out of me and onto the leather couch beneath us. 
I wondered just how fucked up this whole thing was. Just how much damage were we doing to each other?? But it was hard to care too much about it, because even if though it was a terrible way to talk things out at least he had talked. It was nothing new....nothing earth shatteringly enlightening but he had said it all out loud and that made a difference. 
“You think you can come into my life and dictate how i fucking live.” He grunted against my ear, fingers tightening on my hair. “ it pisses me off.” 
“Everyone dies, Jungkook. People die and they leave loved ones behind but Life goes on. It has to go on. You can’t just pause life to grieve. Mina needs you.” I felt my eyes begin to sting with tears, the adrenaline from the argument fading and my body threatening to go limp as he drove into me at the same punishing pace. 
He didn’t respond, fingers closing around my throat and squeezing lightly instead.
“Save your platitudes before i decide that the warmth of your body isn’t worth the grate of your voice on my ear.” He snapped and I whimpered when he stilled, spilling into me. 
He stayed pressed up against me. breathing harshly against my ear and i waited till both our breaths evened out. 
“It’s not selfish to move on Jungkook. You aren’t insulting your wife’s memory by wanting to move on.  “ I said softly. ” Someday your heart and mind will agree with me. Whether you like it or not. That’s just how pain works, Jungkook. One day it’ll pack itself up and walk out of your heart in the middle of the night. You just have to hold on till then.” 
He didn’t reply, merely drawing himself up and off me. 
Once i heard the door to his bedroom slam shut i dragged myself up , thighs shaking and sticky. I grimaced at the mess on the couch. I stared at the packet of baby wipes on the table nearby and shuddered. That just felt wrong. 
I’d just have to go grab a washcloth from the bathroom. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On that weekend, we had another dinner to attend, this time with a few investors from out of the country or so Namjoon told me. 
Although we didn’t talk about what happened and he didn’t try to touch me again, things were subtly different. 
Something had changed in the way Jungkook behaved with me. There was a little less of the usual zombie like indifference and he actually seemed to be avoiding alcohol actively. It was a welcome change. But to make up for it, Mina went into a growth spurt. Which meant ten minute naps every hours or so with wailing sobs in between. 
i was exhausted. 
So much so that Jungkook told me that he didn’t want to pick Mina up from Seokjin’s place till the next day. 
It was a little past one in the morning when I finally trudged into the apartment. Jungkook wasn’t black out drunk but he was definitely a little loose limbed, eyes just a shade more glassy than usual.
“Tonight went well. I’m thinking the guy from Macau is definitely going to consider investing.” He muttered, gripping the door frame and taking off his shoes.
I toed my own heels off, feeling upset and bereft.
“Why would you tell Jin oppa that we’ll get Mina in the morning? She’s not used to being away the whole night.” I complained, feeling jittery and nervous because the house felt so empty and strange .
I didn’t like the idea of being alone with Jungkook without the buffer of his daughter between us. The house felt foreign, the walls seemingly closer together , the space to cramped.
Jungkook dropped his keys in the bowl and tugged on his tie, watching me carefully.
“It’s too late and Jin hyung said she was already asleep. He’ll drop her off in the morning. Just relax. Would you like a drink?”
I stared at him. 
What now? 
He looked nervous and a tad worried.
 Swallowing , I shook my head, turning on my heel.  
“I’m going to bed.” I was almost at the door to the nursery when he grabbed my arm, seemingly moving faster than I could breathe.
“Wait, Heejin… “ He stopped, worrying his lip between his teeth before sighing, “I… I need to say something..” He finished and I exhaled sharply.
I tugged on my arm but he wouldn’t let go.
“Jungkook , let me go.” I said sharply. “ I’m not in the mood tonight . You aren’t drunk now and I’m running out of reasons to excuse your actions.”
His hold on my arm relaxed but he didn’t let go.
“Namjoon hyung told me about that new therapist.... Kim Taehyung?? . I don’t think it’s a good idea.” He said roughly.  
I sighed, defeated. It was expected and yet it stung. I wondered if perhaps I was just beating a dead horse at this point. But Mina deserved to have a father who loved her with all his heart and Jungkook’s heart was so filled with grief it had no place for his daughter. If there was any chance I could help change that, I would take it.
I tugged my arm away again and this time he let go.
I tried to smile encouragingly. it was hard because i was all out of comfort, my own exhaustion too overwhelming at the moment.
So I took a deep breath and reached out to lightly touch his arm. 
“Listen, no one’s asking you to make a decision tonight, Jungkook.” I tried to smile a bit more widely but it probably came out as a grimace, “ Just sleep on it and think about why you think it isn’t a good idea. Taehyung’s an alpha and he may understand you better. Think about it and you can let Namjoon know later.”
He didn’t reply, merely staring at me till I began to feel a little hot around the collar.
“Well, Good night then.” I made to turn away but he grabbed me again, this time by my wrist.
“Wait.”
Patience wearing just a little thin, I stared at him, waiting as he requested.
“I’m sorry about what I said that night. At the party last week. About you not being her mother.   I shouldn’t have said that.”
It was the first time he had apologized for anything.
It took me a second to even remember what he was talking about. 
“Alright. I’m not mad. And I understand why you said it. Its fine. And you’re right. I’m not her mother and I should be more careful. ”
He nodded and then stepped back.
“ I’m sorry. For a lot of things. ”  He bowed awkwardly and I could only stare at him, shaking my head. The apologies were somehow both welcome and abhorrent to me. 
They were the kind of apology you would offer a stranger. And that made them insincere because I wasn’t a stranger. I’d been through too much these past few months, to be treated that way. 
For now I could only accept them at face value. 
“ Its alright. Just go to bed Jungkook. And listen to Namjoon oppa . I know you don’t trust me but you should trust him. He only wants what’s best for you. ”
I sounded twenty years older than I actually was and grimaced.
"There’s one more thing. Can I... I need... “ He stopped and stared at the floor. 
I felt a huge sense of foreboding rise up at that. 
“Are you going to pull the i paid for your body card? “ I said bitterly. “ You made it very clear that i can’t say no. I don’t see why you’re bothering to-”
“You can say no.” He said softly. “ You can say no.” 
And then he looked up at with limpid doe eyes, shining with all the stars in the galaxy and I wanted to sob at the unfairness of it all. 
“ And if I say no, where will you go? To a brothel? you’ll come back smelling like another beta or omega and you can’t come near your daughter till it fades. Which is what? A week? “ 
Jungkook didn’t say anything and I felt helpless. 
“Is that why you sent her away tonight?” I demanded and he looked genuinely surprised. 
“What? No. Of course not . i just...You looked exhausted. I thought you’d like a night off. And just... I don’t want to have sex. Can you just sleep with me. I just... I don’t want to be alone tonight.” 
“What’s so special about tonight?” i rolled my eyes already moving to his bedroom instead of the nursery. 
He stared at me for a few seconds, eyes empty in the dark of the hallway. 
I waited a whole minute before sighing. This was excruciating and my heels hurt from wearing heels all evening. i wanted to curl into the air mattress on the floor of the nursery , possibly lie sleepless till dawn and then drive down to pick Mina up from Jin’s place. 
“Jungkook , let’s just go to bed and forget-” 
“Its her birthday.” 
I barely heard him, his lips barely moved and his voice was so low. 
I stared at him. Not sure if I’d misheard. 
“What?”
“Its her birthday. “ He repeated. 
“You can say her name.” i said calmly. “ You’re not betraying her by saying her name out loud in front of me.” 
He went a little stiff at that and i wanted to kick myself for the remark. What a hypocrite I was. I’d reprimanded Namjoon for trying to dictate Jungkook’s grief and here I was , doing the exact same thing. 
“I’m sorry. God, Jungkook... I’m sorry. i shouldn’t have said that.  i didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me.. I... of course you don’t have to be alone. Should i call Namjoon oppa? Or Jimin?” I asked gently. 
“It’s Sooah’s birthday.” He was still staring at the floor, apparently he hadn’t heard a word I’d said. 
I had a sudden flash of memory, remembering that Jungkook used to sing. He had sung at his wedding seven years ago. Serenaded his wife as she walked down the aisle. I had been young then but i remembered thinking how evident his love was in every syllable sung .
Something i could hear even now, in the way he said her name. 
“Okay. What would you like to do? I... I can make seaweed soup.” I said softly. “ We can go see her if you like?” 
He stared at me. 
“I want to go alone.” He said finally. 
I hesitated. 
“I’ll drive you. i’ll stay in the car. You can’t drive.” I reminded him. 
Jungkook’s driver’s license had been suspended after one too many traffic violations. I drove him around often . 
He didn’t reply, staring out of the huge bay windows and i sighed. 
“Alright... Why don’t you go change  into something more comfortable yeah? i’ll get the soup going and we, “ i bit my lips, “ , I’m sorry, And you can go see her.  “ I smiled, before moving to the kitchen and grabbing the dried seaweed. I soaked it in cold water, before getting the beef, garlic, soy sauce, salt and pepper and the sesame oil from the cupboards. 
Ten minutes later, the soup was boiling away and I peered out at the door leading to his bedroom. I was still wearing the cocktail gown and my head was beginning to throb. I oved to the nursery and stripped quickly, slipping on my white t shirt and a pair of pink corduroy shorts. 
I would be in the car anyway.  By the time i finished taking off all my make up, the soup was done and Jungkook was slumped over the counter. He looked drained, more so than usual . In fact he looked notably worse than how he was ten minutes ago. 
Torn between the urge to draw him into my arms and the helpless knowledge that he would absolutely hate me touching him , i merely hovered near the stove, pouring the stove into a small airtight container. 
On a whim I moved to the cupboard  in the corner that housed all the crockery and threw it open. 
“What was her favorite bowl?” I said casually, staring at him. 
He blinked, staring at me like i was speaking a foreign tongue. 
“Her favorite bowl , Jungkook The one she always drank or ate from?” 
He swallowed but leaned his palms down on the granite countertop, levering himself off the tall stool of the kitchen island and making his way over to me. I stepped back, giving him space to peer into the depths of the black marble shelves. 
He finally stuck a hand in and drew out a pale yellow and mauve bowl , a little worn but intact. 
He held it carefully, running his fingers gently over the bowl, savoring the surface his wife had once caressed with her own fingers. I watched as his lips curved, a pale pale imitation of a smile but a smile nonetheless and I felt my breath catch in my throat. 
This was probably the first time he’d smiled in the three months i’d known him. 
My heart began to pound, a steady staccato that began rising in volume and i willed myself to stay calm. 
“I..uh.. I can wash it for you.” I said softly .
The smile disappeared as quickly as it had come and he stared at my outstretched hand like it was a snake . 
Face almost eerily blank he cleared his throat. 
“I’ll do it.” 
i watched as he moved to wash the bowl under the spray from the faucet and finished clearing up the kitchen. i grabbed a small bag to keep the sea wood soup in and held the bag open when Jungkook finished washing the bowls. He grabbed a fresh kitchen towel and carefully wiped down the moisture before wrapping the bowl in the towel and keeping it inside the bag, carefully. 
I smiled and zipped the bag shut. 
“Lets go shall we?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
I sat waiting in the car, staring out into the darkness of the parking lot, while the rain poured torrents outside the glass windows of the car. I felt unaccountably alone, like I was the only human being left on the planet. 
It had been a little past an hour since Jungkook had disappeared into the building that held his wife’s ashes. I wasn’t sure if i should give him a call. Had he fallen asleep in there. 
I told myself I would wait another hour and if he didn’t come out, I would go check on him. 
I dozed lightly against the window, exhaustion beginning to creep in. I wanted to sob at how tired i was. I could have gotten a full nights sleep, something i hadn’t had since the day I took Mina into my arms. 
But then, i remembered the tiny smile that had sprung up on his face and i grinned despite myself. That was progress wasn’t it? It definitely was. I was sure that if only Jungkook could be convinced to go meet Taehyung , the alpha therapist, things could get so much better for him. I wanted to have him at least halfway to being ..... capable of handling his own daughter, before i left him. if not the worry alone would eat me alive. 
I was just getting ready to perhaps climb over the console and nap in the backseat when my phone rang. 
I glanced at the dashboard, frowning. it was two thirty in the morning. 
Who?
I grabbed my phone from the bag and my heart leapt to my throat. 
“Jin? What’s wrong? What happened to her?” I could feel my heart threatening to give out, any number of terrible possibilities running through my head in a vicious loop.
“nothing happened, Heejin , take a deep breath... She’s just running a fever. it was quite low earlier but its hitting 101  now and I’m getting a little worried. I’ve given her cold baths and kept a wet towel on her but it doesn’t seem to be coming down.” 
“We’ll be there in ten minutes! “ i said quickly.
“I’m sorry, Heejinah, i don’t have any experience with babies and-”
“it’s alright...thank you for calling me oppa!” i hung up , already fumbling with the door and stepping out into the rain. i was soaked through in three second flat. What a day to wear a white t shirt. 
I ran quickly, stumbling a little on the gravel pathway and hoping to God i was going the right way. I ran into the foyer, the poor security guard falling asleep over his desk glancing up at me in sympathy. 
“there was a man here earlier?”
“Second floor third room.” He said casually.
I nodded, already rushing for the steps. I climbed the four flights of stair in two minutes, my heart threatening to give out. I found Jungkook in the room , kneeling on the floor and he looked at me in shock that swiftly turned to anger.
“Jungkook-” i gasped because the run up had robbed me of my breath. 
“What the fuck are you doing here?” He moved so quickly I could barely blink before he was right up in front of me. 
“Jungkook, I... We need...” I tried to draw a breath in but before I could form the words he grabbed my arm, so hard that I whimpered in pain. 
“I told you i wanted to be alone, what the fuck is your fucking problem?!” He snarled.
“Jungkook-” Before i could finish, he yanked me just a bit closer to him before shoving me out of the room with his wife’s portraits and the small ornate vase that held her ashes. 
it wasn’t that hard. 
He didn’t push me in a very brutal way. 
In fact it was probably with lesser force than what anyone slamming a door would use. 
But,
Jungkook was six feet two. He weighed a 170 pounds. 
I was a hundred pounds wet and barely came up to his shoulders. 
And it was just my luck that the wall opposite to the door had a large concrete and granite horse figurine placed right in front of it.  
I crashed into the torso of the equine, my bones rattling inside me and I whimpered when my wrist made contact with the hard surface, bending a bit out of place. 
I slid to the floor in a wet lump, trying to catch my breath and process what had just happened.
Jungkook stood frozen by the door horrified as he stared at his hands, as thought he couldn’t quite fathom what he had just done. 
A sharp burning pain began in my sides and I gasped out.
“Oh, fuck.” I swore. 
Jungkook moved to help me up but i was already crawling away from him, scrambling to my feet, ignoring the ache in my side.
“I’m sorry.” I said softly, holding both my hands up. “ It’s Mina...she’s running a fever. We need to go get her.” 
“Heejin-ah, I’m...”
One more apology and i would officially lose it, i thought slightly hysterically. 
“its my fault.” I said sharply, “  I should have probably tried calling you from the car instead of barging in like this but Jin called and i got worried...I wasn’t thinking straight so I’m sorry about that... I think we should go get her as soon as we can.” 
“Did i hurt you?” He demanded , reaching out for me again and I nearly fell again trying to move away from his touch. 
“No.. No I’m fine.” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Are you sure, we don’t have to go the doctor.?  “ He asked nervously, watching me carefully wipe down her body with the slightly damp wet cloth. I nodded, carefully squeezing the water out before dipping the towel in water again. 
“She’ll be fine. Her fever’s come down and with babies this young, its safer to care for them at home than to take them to a hospital.” I said casually, 
 “I wasn’t talking about her.” He said stiltedly. 
I blinked, staring up at him in surprise. 
“What?”
“I think we should go to the doctor. You fell hard. ”
“Jungkook what are you even on about?” I said crossly, steadfastly ignoring the pain in my sides. It was sharp and unbearable with every breath I took in but I was too terrified to go to the hospital and have them tell me I’d cracked my rib or something. 
Partly because that would be so inconvenient. 
Partly because Jungkook would probably go back to being a guilt ridden shadow of himself if that happened. 
“I’m going to call Yoongi hyung.” 
Before I could protests some more he was already on his feet, moving to the living room.
Yoongi arrived thirty minutes later , annoyed and sleepy, dressed in a soft white t shirt and stone wash jeans. 
“It’s four thirty in the morning , she better be dying Jungkook..” He rasped out near the front door and i flinched at the murderous tone to his voice. 
Suddenly , i hoped desperately that my ribs had cracked. 
Yoongi stepped in , staring at me . He took in the mess of quilts i sat on and sighed. 
“Come here and take your shirt off.” He said gruffly. 
I blinked, feeling blood rush to my face. Was he always this handsome? Hating the very unwelcome flutter of nerves, I moved to stand in front of him, grabbing the hem of my t shirt .
But the movement jolted my rib and pain sharp and lancing shot through my side. I yelped and dropped my hand again breathing harshly which only seemed to make things worse. 
I swallowed and Yoongi blinked, reaching out to gently grip my elbows. 
“Hey...relax ... “ He said gently. 
I felt the press of a warm chest at my back.
“Let me help hyung.” Jungkook’s voice rumbled through my body, his chin brushing the top of my head and he bent over me from the back, fingers gripping the hem of my shirt and carefully lifting it up to just above the curve of my breasts. 
Yoongi was staring at Jungkook over my shoulders expression unreadable. 
“So you do know how to act after all.” He commented drily and I heard Jungkook inhale sharply behind me. 
“Hyung...” He said sharply, and Yoongi merely rolled his eyes. 
“How did this happen?” He ran slender fingers all over my skin, feeling each dent and dip carefully. 
“I ..uh.. I sort of fell into a statue? It was made of concrete and quite heavy.” 
His face shifted into a frown. 
“Jungkook , tell me you didn’t push her.” He said sharply and I jumped a bit.
“No...he didn’t.” i said sharply and Yoongi ignored me , staring right at the alpha behind me. 
“I didn’t mean to.” He said finally.
“You broke her rib, kid.” 
I groaned in defeat. Behind me Jungkook stiffened.
“It was an accident.” I said sharply and Yoongi gave me an unimpressed look.
“If i had a won for every wife that told me that.” 
“It was my fault and-” I shut my mouth. I did sound like the poster child for abused wife in denial. 
“Relax... I’m not going to send your handsome husband to prison.” He chuckled. “ This time.” He added, giving Jungkook another glare. 
“It won’t happen again. ever. “ Jungkook’s voice shook a little. 
I sighed, already imagining the self flagellation that was probably going on inside the alpha’s head.
Yoongi’s voice drew me out of my head. 
 “Its not a break. It looks like a crack which is easier to heal. But i still want you to come in tomorrow. We’ll get it x rayed. Its going to take a couple of months to heal.” 
I gaped.
“Months?” 
“As long as you take it easy you’ll be fine. Now where’s the little one?” 
Yoongi dropped off a small bottle of pediatric paracetamol and told me to keep an eye on her temperature before bidding us goodbye. 
Once the door closed behind him, Jungkook turned to me , eyes wide and lips parted. 
“If you apologize , I’m going to throw this  at your face.” i said calmly, fingers closing over the neck of the ceramic vase on the table. 
Jungkook blinked. 
“I’m sorry. “ He said nonetheless and I sighed, pulling my hands away. 
How fitting. Neither of us could act out of character. 
Jungkook couldn’t stop blaming himself for everything under the sun. 
I just couldn’t bring myself to hurt him in any way. 
“Just go to bed , Jungkook. I’ll be fine.” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author’s Note : As always the pain is here and probably going to get worse. But Jungkook seems to be turning mildly human so let’s see if he can keep that up. Also handsome pediatric doctor Yoongi as second lead because i like to torture myself. 
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shiningstarr15 · 18 days ago
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Alright the time has finally come
It’s time to explain how Encanto has representation to the neurodivergent community.
And before I even THINK about continuing, let me remind you all of something very crucial..
Art is subjective. Meaning that every single piece that you see is going to be interpreted different by every single person on the planet. You can look at a piece of media/art/etc and you will see, feel, and react in your own unique way. Nobody has the ability or authority to tell you what you should experience from it. Therefore, just because one person has interpreted a piece differently than you have, does NOT invalidate their opinion, nor does their opinion invalidate yours.
I am a member of the neurodivergent community. This is why this movie touched me in a way that makes me feel represented. Does this mean that all other fields of representation are invalidated? Absolutely not! Saying that there is neurodivergent representation does not mean there isn’t ALSO representation of other things. The latine community, the queer community, generational trauma, mental illness, just to name a few. The beauty of this movie is how incredibly diverse it is when it comes to representation and interpretation. And nobody can invalidate how it made you feel.
Now with that out of the way, let’s begin with my own analysis.
Why Encanto represents the neurodivergent community.
This can be broken up into different segments. I’ll try to keep it as organized as possible.
First of all, probably the most obvious one, is the symbolism of the “gifts”
The entirety of the Madrigal family is described by their gifts. At a certain age, every member has gotten one, and they use it to contribute to the family and the community.
All except for one..
Mirabel was not given a gift. Therefore she is unable to contribute to the community in the same way that the other members of the family can. And oftentimes when she tries to in her own way, she is seen as burdensome and just “being in the way”
In other words, she is lacking the ability to perform in ways that are deemed socially acceptable…
Huh.. what does that sound like? 🤔😳
That’s right. My headcanon is simple.
Mirabel Madrigal is autistic
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I guess in order to continue with this I should give a brief explanation to those that aren’t too aware or aren’t entirely educated. (No I’m not saying you’ve never heard of it I’m saying that not everyone knows it in great detail)
Autistic spectrum disorder is a neurodevelopmental disorder that is characterized by a multitude of things, but the main gyst of it is that the brain works differently. In the DSM-5 there is a list of criteria that must be met simultaneously in order to be diagnosed. However since the disorder manifests differently in every single individual with it, it is sometimes difficult to detect.
I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 24 years old. The main things I had going against me was my level of functioning being high and the fact that I am a female. This is sadly the reality as many people receive late diagnoses. That’s why I’m happy this kind of representation is shown in this movie
Not only was mirabel high functioning, as she was completely unaware that she was even different until she touched that doorknob, she is also female. It is often seen many times in media the person portrayed on the spectrum being male (good doctor, atypical, etc). And while any representation is welcome, it’s nice to see it be a female for once since the idea of a female being on the autistic spectrum is somewhat of a newer concept thanks to more research and data.
Another thing to point out about Mirabel is that she discovered her “lack of a gift” (autism) at a VERY young age.
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You could view that gifting ceremony easily as having a psychiatric evaluation. And one of two things will occur.. you either have the gift (neurotypical) or you don’t (neurodivergent). I LOVE the idea of everyone being given that evaluation regardless of whether you had any signs. My personal belief is that everyone, no matter who you are and how you present yourself, should be tested early in life. There could be signs that are easily missed if you arent told to look for them. This is what leads to late-diagnosed adults. Despite the signs having been there all along, they were simply looked over as being either “quirky” or “odd.”
This is also sadly Mirabel’s experience when it comes to her family
Throughout the opening, you can see mirabel trying her best to help out. But with her lack of a “gift” she is often just seen as burdensome.
Because the autistic brain works differently, people will often do things that society deems “unacceptable.” In a world that was meant to be run by neurotypicals, it can hard to adjust to other peoples ways of doing stuff. There can be multiple reasons for this, but it all comes back to how the brain works.
Mirabel essentially is deemed “unfit” to help her her community, similarly to how autistic individuals are seen as “unfit” for society. See the parallel?
But it doesn’t stop there. Not even close.
So let’s talk about the family’s reactions to her “lack of a gift”
And I’m just gonna go from most accepting to least accepting. So you know EXACTLY whose going last.
First there’s her mother, by far the most accepting.
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Not only does this woman accept that her daughter is different, she goes out of her way to try and validate her to herself and the rest of the family. Having parents that are accepting of your condition is so important. One of the biggest things about autism is that no matter where you fall on the spectrum, you are characterized by your “need of support.” Depending on how much determines your level of functioning. The highest level is Level 1 ASD (formerly known as Aspergers Syndrome). Based on mirabels skills, I would easily put her as level 1 functioning. (This is going based on my own experience as a Level 1, as I said before, everyone manifests differently). Therefore, even tho she is more than capable of performing tasks and integrating into her community just fine, she still is in need of some support. And sometimes the only support that is needed is someone believing in them and accepting them for who they are, quirks and all.
It is very rewarding to have a community that accepts you and doesn’t judge you based on your condition. I am personally lucky to have that support system. However, not everyone is so fortunate..
The second person is Mirabel’s sister, Luisa.
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While she is accepting enough of her sisters lack of a gift, she is seen treating her as something that needs to be protected. And while this is very honorable, it can also be detrimental.
There are two kinds of intolerance in the world of autism acceptance. Those that pretend like it doesn’t exist, and those that treat it like it’s an extreme disease.
I highly doubt Luisa believes her sister is diseased and is genuinely trying to protect her out of the kindness of her heart. However, there is a difference between support and reliance. Support means that you are given a guard rail, a means to help you be able to still accomplish the goal on your own. Reliance is when you are putting complete control of the situation on anything but yourself. So Rather than having a hand rail, you cling to the wall. You can’t do anything without that one thing. And I’m sorry to say this, but that’s not how it works.
Anyway, Luisa is a great sister and very supportive. But, she’s not really doing her sister any favors by handicapping her. That’s why she’s second on the list.
Next is Isabella, and oh boy does she offer a whirlwind of emotions.
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At first glance, she can easily be interpreted as unaccepting. She wants nothing to do with mirabel, she sees her as a burden, and she is highly arrogant.
But later, after being directly confronted, we finally see her “true colors” exposed and come to the realization that she and her sister should be free to be who they want to be.
Ever heard of internalized discrimination? Probably not, but I’d say that this is what it is.
Isabella manifests her own insecurities and projects them onto mirabel in a means that can be interpreted as ableist. However, at a deeper glance, we see that she herself has simply been a victim to the intolerance of anything straying from the norm in the family. She was given a catalyst that created a perfectionist complex. But as soon as she is free from that catalyst, we see just how accepting she truly is. She no longer sees her sister as a burden, but rather rejoices in them being “themselves” together.
Autistic individuals are subject to discrimination every day. And it’s mainly due to misinformation and lack of. People fear what they don’t understand. And sometimes, it can be a protection of their own insecurities. Straying from the societal norm will often deem you an outcast, and in a world where your social standing determines your worth, it can be a lot of pressure. ASD individuals are also characterized by “social awkwardness.” Mirabel herself actually inhibits some of this throughout the movie, but it’s not too noticeable as she is still able to communicate with people. You only notice if you are paying close attention. Isabella, on the other hand, strays from societal standards in a different way. What way that is is again, left up to interpretation (some say she is LGBT which I can get behind). Either way, she is different too, so she has no room to judge.
I could talk about a majority of other Individuals in the family, but I’d be here forever. I categorize them all together really. They kinda see her similarly, some are scared and others don’t want her in the way. Of course that is all due to the last individual.
Alma Abuila Madrigal, the matriarch and keeper of the candle.
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She.. is the most intolerant person by far
Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate her. She was very stuck in her idealist ways and did very wrong things that tore the family apart. But.. she has her reasons. Im not excusing her actions and she should be held responsible, but she wasn’t “evil” by any means.
However the way she treated Mirabel really made my blood boil.
She treated her like a nuisance, constantly telling her to “not ruin anything” and “stay out of the way.” Even when Mirabel was actively trying to fix what SHE herself has broken, Mirabel was still blamed. She went so far as to blame her for destroying the family.
And this line.. fucking broke me.
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The reality of the autistic individual. We will never be good enough. Not in a society that was built to be run by neurotypicals. No matter how hard we try, we’ll always feel like a burden somehow. So this will lead me to my next point..
Mirabel is judged on what she can’t do
One of the worst misconceptions of autism is that it is often seen as what an individual can’t do (can’t make eye contact, can’t take jokes, can’t detect social cues,etc).
What if I told you that none of that was true.
There is not a single thing a neurotypical person can do that an autistic person can’t.
The condition itself is often diagnosed under the principle of “deficits.” What people don’t understand is that deficit does NOT always mean “lack of.” A deficit means that particular portion is operating differently. Sometimes it can be too much, sometimes too little, or sometimes missing completely. The great thing about deficits tho, is that they are not necessarily stuck like that forever.
People can actually move on the spectrum, depending on what skills and abilities they acquire. The brain is slower processing. So rather than learning things naturally, the autistic brain tends to miss some things. But they can be taught. The brain will pick these things up and operate them differently but they will still be able to do them.
Mirabel is seen as broken. Not able to do anything. But that isn’t true. She CAN do things, she does them in her own way, because it’s just how she works. The reason she is seen as broken tho is because she can’t do things THE SAME WAY as the rest of the family.
She doesn’t have strength, she doesn’t have growth abilities, she doesn’t have super hearing. Things are harder for her. But she pushes on anyway to try and help her family.
Ok, now I need to talk about a scene that broke me.
The house falling apart and everyone loses their gift.
In this moment, everyone is just like mirabel. They are without a gift. And for just a passing moment, they know exactly what mirabel feels and experiences every day.
This is a fantasy played out for autistic individuals. For everyone to experience what we experience. To see the world from our eyes, to interpret things the way we do. But that can never be.
Autism is not manually created and it can’t be cured. Therefore, you either have it or you don’t. It doesn’t just “come out of the blue.” For those that don’t have it, they’ll never know what it’s truly like, and therefore will never be able to fully understand.
Alright I’m almost done I swear! Now I need to talk about the scene that made me tear up.
Alma’s acceptance and the butterflies.
After the house comes down, alma leaves and mirabel goes after her. Only to discover the truth of her insecurity.. fear. Mirabel was different from everyone, and alma feared that she would somehow be the downfall to their miracle because of it. She finally admits she was wrong.
And then we see the butterflies.🦋🦋
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I could see this as being one of two things. It could be either almas acceptance of mirabels difference or mirabel herself finally coming to terms with it. Throughout the movie, mirabel is seen as trying to “find her gift” similarly to how autistic individuals will “mask” in order to fit into society. After she accepts that she doesn’t have a gift, she is finally able to free herself. I love how butterflies were used throughout this movie!
Butterflies are a universal symbol to neurodiversity. Even though it’s highly unlikely that they were used for this reason, it’s still a wonderful coincidence to choose this above anything else than represents change and acceptance.
Finally, the house and mirabels door.
The ending of this movie is the moment I actually started crying. Bc rather than having mirabel accept her difference and go off on her own bc she would never be able to contribute to the family like the others..
But instead.. she came back and finally fulfilled her true calling.
The final point I have is one that is GRAVELY overlooked
Autism as a superpower
So many times the focus of autism is on what an individual CANT do, rather than what they CAN do. Autistic individuals have abilities that most neurotypical person might not. Hyperfocus, perseverance, artistic talents, just to name a few.
Mirabel ended up having an ability that no one else did. Her destiny was tied to something much bigger than just a “gift.” She was tied to the miracle itself.
This is such an important message for autistic individuals to see. Because society will often turn away those that are different, it is easy to feel worthless. However, nobody is created without a purpose. Even if that purpose can be hard to find, you should keep moving forward anyway, bc yours may be greater than you think.
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Phew! That was a lot! There sooo much more I could talk about with this movie, but I had to AT LEAST talk about this aspect. As an autistic individual, I found myself relating to mirabel in many aspects from the low tolerance to feeling like a burden to finally having that acceptance. This was so nice to see in a Disney movie. To feel represented in a a realistic and understandable way.
I’m sure mirabels experience can be interpreted in multiple other ways, such as any kind of disability. But this is what I saw, and as I said at the beginning, my opinion is also valid ❤️
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ialwaysknewyouwerepunk · 9 months ago
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only angel - a close reading
hey guys, gals and nonbinary pals, here is a close reading i did of ‘only angel’ by our babe, harry styles. i want to make it VERY CLEAR that this is just my opinion and my reading, talking from my own experiences and how i’ve learned to interpret art. i’m an eng lit major so i actually am not talking out of my ass on this subject, for once. i am also not cis or straight, if that makes a difference in your reading of this post. yes, this post is about harry being genderqueer. if you are absolutely not open to this possibility, then you can just ignore this post and scroll by. (unhelpful anons will be ignored, but i’m happy to go into dialogue if some things aren’t fully clear. this masterpost can help with a lot of questions too) 
i’ll be using he/him pronouns to refer to Harry. He’s been called both he/him and she/her by close friends and family members, and seems to accept both. for the sake of keeping things clear in this post, he/him is what i’ll go with. 
thanks to my gc friends for the brainstorm session and helpful insights, you’re all so intelligent ily (and sorry ari for bringing harry’s love for bukowski’s poetry to your attention)
if anyone is interested, i also did a (less heavy) analysis of meet me in the hallway!
TW/ alcohol, sex, self-harm
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NOW LET’S GET INTO IT 
(intro, spoken, excerpt from Barfly) I saw this angel, I really saw an angel
Barfly, film with screenplay by Charles Bukowski, introduces the atmosphere of the song. The film deals with alcoholism, adultery, violence. The story is partly autobiographical, with Bukowski representing himself as his alter ego. One of the main characters, an adulteress, at one point proclaims she can see angels.
Angels are usually a positive force in a story, despite being imaginary or appearing in dreams. In Bukowski’s work, ‘angel’ is often used as a derogatory term: 
dogs and angels are not 
very far apart
Bukowski is known as a misogynistic ass - pardon my french - since he loved to depict women as inferior beings he could ‘conquer’ during sex, etc. He was a self-proclaimed “dirty old man”, owning up to his terrible characteristics (that often got the better of him) and this ownership of that part of him that he hates is something to keep in mind. (Bukowski struggled with depression and alcoholism after an abusive childhood but this does not excuse any abuse on his part.) 
My own interpretation of his work, since I do appreciate his poetry because I like free verse, down-to-earth use of words and themes, and I have a terrible soft spot for tortured artists (we all need our flaws, right?), is that he was intelligent but incredibly self-destructive, so with every smart and earnest word that he uttered he felt like muttering two that took all of it back and slapped you in the face while he was at it. “Can't they see through my skin, can't they see that I am nothing?” Self-hate, self-destruction. (sign me up bc i’m a sucker and a fool)
Open up your eyes, shut your mouth and see
Who is this “you”? 
the general public (gp)/media. Open your fucking eyes and stop spewing what you think you know, because if you actually look, the answers are all there. 
“I” talking to himself, who I will identify as Harry from now on
That I'm still the only one who's been in love with me
“I”, H, is the only one who knows who he is. Also an allusion to narcissism: “in love” is usually said to/about someone else, not oneself. “With me” instead of “with myself”; natural phrasing would usually be different. Invested in himself, in his self. (Would he maybe say “I love myself” if he were more familiar with what that self entails?)
“Who’s been in love with me”: continuous tense implies the continuity of these emotions: any other lovers/forms of attention have been fleeting, temporary (or so he thinks)
I'm just happy getting you stuck in between my teeth and there's nothing I can do about it
gp’s opinion of Harry Styles™️: compulsive womaniser, Aggressive Man in patriarchal heteronormative society
him biting into his life, his self, everything that makes him him. He can’t help it, he can’t shut (parts of) himself down.
Broke a finger knocking on your bedroom door, I got splinters in my knuckles crawling ‘cross the floor
again, CisHet Harry, Aggressive Man
basically going mad trying to knock his own walls down. It fucking hurts to try to figure out what’s going on inside of him; trying to fight it 
Couldn't take you home to mother in a skirt that short, but I think that's what I like about it
couldn’t take any of his many ‘conquests’ home bc it’s too superficial, ‘dirty’
this self is not something he shows at home, because it’s about sex and physicality, so not something he’d share with his mom, but it is something he wants to own and embrace (~Bukowski)
She's an angel, Only angel, She’s an angel, My only angel
Het Harry and his latest fling, possessive (~Bukowski)
Harry and the ‘angel’, the ‘she’ who lives inside of him
(verse 2)
I must admit I thought I'd like to make you mine
Very ambiguous, insecure phrasing. Where is the macho, Aggressive Man (1)? 
→ H and his internal struggles (2)
As I went about my business through the warning signs
Het Harry, Aggressive Man pushing through. Relationship/fling with red flags, but lust takes over
making his ‘angel’, his ‘she’, a part of him, embodying her. The struggles that come with that: possible loss of sight of self. At what cost does ‘she’ come out (self-destructive lifestyle)? How deep is ‘she’ buried? (How many drinks does he need?)
End up meeting in the hallway every single time
‘Meet Me In the Hallway’: relationship struggles, loss of self, “I gotta get better”
The hallway is neutral ground: not the bedroom, not the kitchen (themes in H’s other lyrics). No one is dominant here: no Aggressive Man, no ‘angel’. Just Harry, trying to figure it all out. He keeps ending up in the hallway because neither the Man nor the ‘angel’ embody him completely, so he has to start afresh with his self-discovery.
And there's nothing we can do about it
SWITCH. First time “we” is used. 
For H, there is no ‘I’, it’s always ‘we’. He can’t ‘choose a side’ or ‘figure out’ which of his pronouns he is. He is all of the above.
Told it to her brother and she told it to me
(What the hell does this mean? Literally no clue. What are these pronouns doing? The ‘angel’, “she”, isn’t “you”, which would’ve made interpretation (1) make sense. Now, any woman H would be mentioning in verse 1 (when saying “you”) is not “she” in this verse, otherwise “you” would still be used. Either it’s sloppy writing, or it means something else. You tell me, for real. What’s this “brother” doing here? (I think ‘brother’ could easily be replaced by ‘lover’ and then it would at least make sense for the womaniser interpretation.)
That she's gonna be an angel, 
She’s going to be nothing but imaginary. Another interpretation is that “she” is threatening to go so far and actually self-destruct. Implications of s******.
just you wait and see
General “you”, the listener/etc. Taunting message: ‘she’ needs to prove something.
When it turns out she's a devil in between the sheets
And there's nothing she can do about it
Antithesis of ‘angel’ and ‘devil’. Both beings not present in the real world.
→ Even “she” can’t run away from dualities.
Sex, acceptance of his self as a sexual being.
Wanna die, wanna die, wanna die tonight (3x)
Implied ‘I’, but left out
→ metre reasons
→ omission of pronouns as a conscious choice
Heavy sentiment. 
self-destructive - “just you wait and see” - hints at lifestyle that could ruin you, mentally and physically (~Bukowski)
self-harm
SOUND: musically, it sounds similar to ‘Kiwi’, ‘Woman’ and ‘She’; the themes also overlap: the woman as seductive, sexy, devious, imaginary
SYNTHESIS
Harry as a writer finding himself in Bukowski’s writing: womaniser image that has always been projected onto him from a very young age. Harry does not identify with this persona, but plays with it in his mind after years of having to play pretend, and with the knowledge that the gp sees him that way. He deliberately uses imagery that could lead to his songs being easily interpreted in multiple ways. You can hear this song and think it’s about Harry the CisHet Womaniser, who has casual sex all the time, is dominant and aggressive. (After, back tf off)
Or you can think it’s about Harry showing his internal struggle, his fight with himself, his gender, trying to figure out who he really is. Why can’t he identify with this image of Man that’s been projected onto him all these years, an image so accepted in the patriarchal heteronormative society he was raised in? And why is this “she” so unreachable? Why is she only an imaginary being, like an angel or a devil? Why are the doors closed? 
Self-destruction as a theme in this song, with implications of self-harm (breaking his finger, splinters in his knuckles, wanting to die), underlines the heaviness of the lyrics, the difficulty of his struggle. References to Bukowski then hint at alcohol use, which brings out these personas that reside in Harry’s imagination, in how he sees himself and how he knows others see him. 
The references to Bukowski, in my opinion, reveal Harry’s struggle with his self-image. Part of him wants to be famous, to be a rockstar, to indulge in parts of that lifestyle. Does that make him a bad person? Has he sometimes lost sight of who he is because of that? (Harry finding recognition in Bukowski hurts my heart, bc to me it implies H’s self-hate, an inclination/attraction to self-destructive tendencies and his dismissiveness of his artistic abilities. not to be dramatic. brb crying)
The ‘she’ in Harry’s ‘we’, in Harry’s self, is seductive and reckless, and since the release of Fine Line we have been able to see an evolution in his experience of her. Character development, if you will. In ‘Only Angel’, she’s part of a fight, someone who only comes out at desperate times, as a reaction to his forced CisHet persona, or after some sort of substance abuse. In ‘She’ or ‘Fine Line’, her presence is less lethal. 
My interpretation of the pronouns used in this song is exactly that: Harry is every single one of them, either a persona or actually him. Harry is genderqueer in some way or other.
read my other lyric analyses here
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osakisho · 4 months ago
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A Rift Between You and Their Family - Enhypen
Completely gender neutral! No warnings. Keep in mind this does not represent how enhypen is or their families
I wrote this bc I was talking to my friend about meeting family... I hope I didn't disrespect anyone with this, love you guys and thanks for reading!!
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Heeseung
You're not sure what this is
But Heeseung's big brother... is a lot mean to you. You might even call it bullying
Because he'll crack somewhat rude jokes and then laugh or make fun of the way you talk and you're like ??
It happens every time you come over to visit Heeseung and at this point you hate it so much to the point where you'd just...
Rather not come around anymore
So Heeseung's like "hey what's wrong why do you not like it over at mine"
And you'll act coy but eventually and break and say something along the lines of "your brother's sort of mean to me"
Heeseung will flat out deny it, actually, like "that's how he is, Y/N!"
I think Heeseung will just want you to deal with it instead of making him choose a side
He'd take his brother's side, because it's easier if you just ignore the mean jabs instead of potentially offending his brother by asking him to stop
Yeah this will be really frustrating because Heeseung's too much of a peacemaker to choose your side. This kind of situation would definitely lead to big fights
The end of which Heeseung still hasn't taken your side
I mean it's frustrating how much he seeks balance but also that's who he is and you love him
Jay
The members don't like you
Imagine he's the first of them to start dating... and they're all new to this
And you come over for the first time and everyone is like 👁👄👁 and don't know how to treat you
It's allllll so awkward. Imagine Jungwon is the only one making an effort and everyone's so cold and the room is tense
But okay you'll crack a joke and Jay will reach for your hand and give you a supportive smile
you're like :)))) ik you guys aren't used to me but Jay and I are... well...
It's too soon to say but
"I like her, I really like her, I wouldn't bring her over and have you all meet her if I weren't serious" - Jay
But also you're thinking you should have never came over, maybe just kept meeting up secretly instead of going out like this
The day is still weird, Heeseung gives you a seat to sit but no one goes out of his way to be inviting
Honestly you want to be brought over and have all the boys be your besties and be on first name basis but like...
That kinda fanfiction scenario doesnt happen, you gotta work for that kind of closeness a bit more
But you'll get there, eventually <3 the boys arent rude or anything they're just...
Not used to it
Jake
The rift is with Layla lmao
I think it's spelled Leila actually
Anyway. You're deadly afraid of dogs. And Jake knows that. Even little terriers scare you so... one as big as Layla... hmm nope
Also when you tell him you're afraid of dogs: jake: “What do you mean you're afraid of dogs? you're literally dating a puppy!” insert pic
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I mean you're fine fawning over pictures Jake shows you though, and he thought it'd be fine, because Layla's so gentle
And then the day comes when you visit her and, like... you're shaking
Your hands freeze up, you're shaking and you're basically imploding into yourself. And Layla's so friendly too, following you around because you're a new face
you're literally going to die. Grasping your drink with shaky hands
And when Jake asks you if you're okay you straight up start crying into his shoulder. While Layla sits at your feet with her tongue out, very cute
Jake has to make the tough decision of locking her away :((( poor sad puppy sounds come from the room and jake is also a sad puppy
It visibly makes him sad, but he understands you can't deal with it
But you see how sad it makes him, so after dinner you go out to fetch Layla yourself
Opening the door to let her out, and finally petting her, letting her nuzzle into your legs in gratitude and then you make her do tricks
Like handshaking and then she kisses you, affectionately pressing her snout to your neck
You pet her back hesitantly
And Jake comes out of the kitchen to see it and he's all :') awwww
Sunghoon
Yeji's kinda :/ about you. She didn't think her brother would start dating so soon
She's not a rude girl so she doesn't straight up act like it, but the coldness is there...
When you're not around tho she'll be like "are you sure you can't find somebody else? Someone that's not Y/N?"
Ouch lol
It escalates to a point where you catch on like “your sister doesn't like me much huh”
Sunghoon will be like I GOTTA FIX THIS
BY SITTING DOWN AND TALKING TO HER
“Yeji... I really like them,” Sunghoon says earnestly. “And they're important to me. But you're important to me, too. If you wanted I'd probably break up with them, so can't you just try first? Please? Try to get along with them...”
His sister is suddenly all regretful because this is how much he loves her...
She nods and says sorry and says she was just feeling like being naughty, she doesn't really hate you
She'll try to get along with you from now on
Thank God, because honestly, Sunghoon couldn't break it off with you if she wanted lmaooooo
He'd have to secretly date you on the side lmao. But thankfully it doesn't have to come to that
Sunoo
His big sister... doesn't like you.
Maybe because you two are so different. In the way you speak, the things you think of, and how you think of things. Just complete opposites.
How did Sunoo find you, the complete opposite of his sister? She can't even weigh the odds
It's in the way you like/dislike things, or how gentle you are about some stuff
Like imagine the three of you are out shopping and everything she likes you say "put it back" and everything she doesnt like you're like "YES BUY IT"
At some point she'll be like 👀 side eyeing you like are you disagreeing with her on purpose
But luckily your Sunoo
SUNOO <3333
He turns it into a funny thing, instead of having you two fight he makes you bond over how different you two are
And they do say opposites attract!
After a week from meeting her you're close friends now, you text everyday <3333 and your opposite tastes became an inside joke
Like "of course you dont like it, typical Y/N" but with lots of love
Jungwon
Going into your first dinner to meet her, Jungwon's grandmother didn't have a lot of good expectations
She expected you to be snobby and proud, didn't expect good manners from you
Hence, in meeting you she was a little guarded. Maybe she thought no one was good enough for her Jungwon and that played a part in the way she treated you
But you stood ten toes down and tried to wear her down, helping her with dinner, thanking her at every turn, complimenting Jungwon and showing her you treated him well
But she was still wary. She didn't smile at you one bit, and would reply only curtly
Jungwon just looked at you and then back at his grandma, stuck between two people he loved very much. The devil works hard but you were working harder
You recovered her respect on your own, conversing with her on her business, never speaking out of turn
“Jungwon told me when he was younger you sang lullabies to him... my mom would sing me the same song!” you spoke of sentimental things that would pull on her heartstrings
When the dinner was over you took over the dishwashing, all while thanking her for the delicious food
At the end of the evening his grandma had become your biggest fan, and she finally had a smile that truly met her eyes when Jungwon mentioned you
“I like her,” grandma told Jungwon with a wink, making him break into a big smile.
It wasn't even his help that make her like you, it was you on your own. He's so proud of you for overcoming that on your own
It just goes to show his best decision was deciding to love you❤❤because you're a beautiful person and you are very loved❤❤
Sorry lads I dont think I'll write for niki 💘💘💘 kkeut!
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multifandomfantasies · 7 days ago
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take care — bonus chapter (18+)
chapter I • chapter II • chapter III • chapter IV • bonus chapter I • bonus chapter II coming soon
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a/n: this is a part of a dark fic series. while this chapter only includes slight angst, please make sure to heed the warnings on this and every other chapter. this bonus chapter is a prequel to the events of take care, written from chan’s pov. y/n does not appear in this bonus chapter since it takes place before them meeting in chapter I. thank you to everyone who supported this fic so far. to everyone who’s been interested in learning more about the characters of this story: i hope this bonus chapter will give you a bit of insight.
word count: 3.1k
warnings: angst & a little bit of smut; member x member (hyunjin x chan; mentions of hyunjin x felix); sexual content includes dry humping, handjobs, blowjobs. mentions of anxiety, manipulation, cheating, light traffic accidents, difficult family relationships.
this is pure fiction for entertainment purposes only. this story does not represent the members of stray kids or any other people mentioned at all.
tagging: @whor3racha, @ciderxi, @jungkookmyhusbandbae, @lolalee24, @duckiethotstan & @ycul-sa
routine is the fundament of being in control of your life, this chan is sure of.
like every monday morning, he goes for a run. then before going back up to shower, he sorts through the mail in the entrance hallway, effectively getting rid of all the junk in the bin right beneath the mailboxes without having to take any in the apartment.
payroll - keep. healthcare update - keep. flyer from that pizza place two streets over that constantly manages to find its way between chan’s mail despite the “stop! no advertisements or free papers” sign on his mailbox - trash.
chan feels the beginning of a headache knock at his temples as he fights the urge to get out his phone and leave the restaurant a negative review online. breathing out through his nose chan briefly wonders if he picked up on any other boomer urges in the last couple of years.
his inner alarm clock waking him up before seven - check. whistling when he’s in a good mood - no. falling asleep while watching tv - never. swearing at people who drive too slowly - check. hating the younger generations just for the heck of it - eh.
that’s fine, chan decides. all in all he’s not his father yet.
with a glance to his wrist watch, chan focuses back on the task at hand.
invitation to lee minho’s wedding - keep, even though he probably won’t make it. electricity bill - keep. letter from hyunjin’s mother - as always immediately trash.
hyunjin and his parents hadn’t talked in years and it was always better that way. but mrs. hwang’s futile attempt every other month always served as a reminder for chan to give his own mother a call. maybe he should even arrange the yearly visit. he’d still take hyunjin with him despite the recent developments. after all, chan’s mother was always the one who best understood hyunjin’s anxieties.
like every monday morning chan hears mrs. park from the first floor shuffle down the stairs behind him. he’s offered to get her mail up to her ever since she had to start using her cane, but she doesn’t let him, insisting she’s not old enough for that kind of assistance yet.
“is everything all right with you two?” mrs. park inquires after they exchanged good mornings and quick pleasantries while she caught her breath from her descent from her apartment. “i thought i heard someone crying last night.”
mrs. park’s hearing is bad, but her bedroom is directly under the room chan and hyunjin sleep in. hyunjin’s wails must have been loud enough to alert even her. something needs to change. “i’m sorry if it kept you up,” chan says quickly. “it’s just… it’s been getting worse.” “oh, don’t be sorry, dear,” mrs. park reassures him firmly. “i’m just worried about that friend of yours, is all. do give him my best.”
chan is worried about him too.
hyunjin was always anxious. anxious about his future, anxious about meeting new people, anxious about letting chan kiss him, anxious about how much he liked it, anxious about moving in with chan, anxious about switching majors, anxious about everything he did or thought about doing. but this is different, chan’s sure of it.
even when he’s back in his apartment, mail already opened and sorted for later attendance, chan can’t let his worries for hyunjin go. as the lukewarm spray of the shower hits him in the face, chan decides he’ll let himself dwell on the past, just for the ten minutes it takes for him to finish his shower.
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things used to be easy.
two years ago, after he had finally convinced hyunjin to move in with him, they quickly settled into a routine. a good routine that chan got used to so easily. he misses it.
get up, get off with hyunjin, work out, shower, make breakfast, eat with hyunjin, go to work, grab a drink with his colleagues, go home, make dinner, eat with hyunjin, hang out with his friends, shower with hyunjin, potentially get off with hyunjin again, go to bed with hyunjin.
on some days there was more getting off imbetween. they liked to mess around. they messed around a lot. despite hyunjin never letting chan fuck him - sometimes he didn’t even want to touch chan at all, but chan never pushed him to - chan was always satisfied with everything he got from him. his favorite part was figuring out what made hyunjin cum anyways.
hyunjin liked it the most when when they would lie in bed together, chan’s front pressed to hyunjin’s back as chan jerked him off from behind, carefully grinding his own erection against hyunjin’s backside while moaning about how good hyunjin was to him. it made hyunjin giggle at chan being so needy, desperate enough to make do with humping against hyunjin’s clothed body to rid himself of the ache between his legs - until chan’s hand started picking up the pace and reduced hyunjin to a whimpering mess in his arms.
hyunjin was needy. even if he hooked up with a girl that day, he’d ask for chan’s touch. and chan would always give it to him because hyunjin was so good. so beautiful by nature and so quick to learn how to drive chan insane. so submissive and eager to be good, but so desperate and selfish in his own pleasure - chan felt like hyunjin gave him whiplash every time they messed around. hyunjin was so smart - quick witted, sarcastic and on top of his classes - but when they were playing he would easily let chan dumb him down, whining about how he was aching and needed chan to fix it, mumbling about him feeling small and floaty after he came. nothing like an orgasm to make his sharp tongued and judgemental hyunjin become soft and pliant, just for him. it was cute. so cute, chan sometimes wished he could have hyunjin like this all the time.
chan also loved the habit they had of showering together. it was the only place where hyunjin would touch him without making him wear a condom, sometimes not even bothering to ask before reaching for chan’s cock that was swelling between his thighs at the view of his boy naked in front of him. but when chan reminded him of his manners, he would be quick to whimper out soft pleas that chan could never say no to. hyunjin was good at begging nicely.
and hyunjin was good with his mouth, too.
one time, just before everything changed for the worse, out of the blue hyunjin had wanted to suck chan off - begged for it even. chan expected him to be repulsed by it, to give it up before truly trying. but to his big surprise, he was far from disgusted, even drooling over himself and chan’s crotch, getting lost in the feeing of chan hot and heavy on his tongue like he got lost in kisses sometimes. “hyunjinnie, you’re gonna make me cum,” chan had moaned weakly, cursing himself for getting so close so quickly when hyunjin hurriedly pulled away, watching as chan jerked himself of with quick movements until he spilled over his fist with a shout of hyunjin’s name. hyunjin sucked at his lower lip while watching the cum run over chan’s fingers and chan was sure he could see interest, hunger even, instead of the expected disgust. chan’s head was spinning with the possibilities that came with this development. he could already see hyunjin welcoming him home after work every day, greeting him with his cock down his throat, making the day’s worries go away with his beautiful lips.
but chan could always notice when something had shifted, even from a throwaway gesture or just from the tone of hyunjin’s voice. just like he knew things were going to change that day in late march.
“chan, i’m going on a date tonight,” hyunjin had said. his hands were shaking so much chan had to help him apply eyeliner and they probably continued shaking for most of the dinner and when they curled into felix’ hair when he let felix go down on him. or something like that. chan and hyunjin never talked about what they did when they were with other people.
they had to stop fucking around when felix and hyunjin made it official, of course, and chan bought another bed moved his things from the shared bedroom into his former studio. it’s not like he was getting around to making music anyways. from then on, whenever felix would come over - which was most nights - chan would lie awake in his dark room alone, holding his breath as he strained his ears to catch some of the sweet sounds hyunjin was making for felix now while chan had nothing but his own hand and the memories of hyunjin’s squirming body next to his.
but chan - despite missing hyunjin’s touch - didn’t really mind. he liked felix anyway, and he had noticed the younger man throwing him appreciative looks when they were hanging out together, almost like he was flirting - chan was sure the three of them would fall into bed together naturally at some point, hyunjin and felix probably already discussing it. but it didn’t happen like that.
one day when driving home from a long day of working overtime, chan was so lost in thought, he almost didn’t catch someone running across the street right in front of his car. chan still remembers his terror, the rush of adrenaline as he hit the brakes and swerved, crashing his car against another one, his seatbelt digging into his shoulder painfully, the screeching of the brakes and the explosion of sound from the impact enough to make him fear he popped an eardrum for a second.
chan was fine, though. but when he got out of the car he saw hyunjin crouching on the street, physically unharmed but with his hands covering his ears, sobbing so hard he was gagging on air with every other inhale.
“felix cheated on me,” he wailed, loud enough for the whole street to hear. “and he still touched me. with his dirty, dirty hands!”
chan tried to hug him the way he often did when hyunjin got really anxious, but this time hyunjin flinched away from him, cowering as he sobbed harder. oh. this was bad. chan hated that. chan tried to get hyunjin off the ground, but he refused let chan touch him at all, squirming away from his helping hands and crying out louder and louder.
eventually chan sat down next to him, in the middle of the street, and tried to ease his distress by softly singing to him for nearly twenty minutes until hyunjin calmed down enough to get up by himself and follow chan inside again.
chan half expected felix to still be in the apartment, ready to beg for hyunjin’s forgiveness, but all the rooms were empty upon their return. better for him, chan still thinks now. chan had been really, really angry at felix then.
“come on, let’s get you cleaned up,” chan offered to hyunjin, who’s sobbing had died down to quiet whimpers, tears long drying down on his face, his body shaking with exhaustion. to chan’s relief hyunjin did not reject him.
instead of their usual showers they bathed together. hyunjin insisted on using chan’s expensive bubble bath and chan did not deny him the pleasure. in return, hyunjin settled down enough to let chan touch him with his soapy hands. the feeling of giddy relief rushed through chan while he did his best to take care of hyunjin, softly cleaning him like he was gently getting rid of a stain that felix left on hyunjin’s precious skin.
but outside of the bathtub, even the days and weeks following, hyunjin seemed squirmy and uncomfortable, rejecting chan’s touches, flinching at any loud sound, even mumbling about not wanting to go back to school because he was scared of talking to anyone but chan.
that night, when they were lying in bed next to each other just like they used to before, it was more out of consideration than his own need that chan slowly let his hand dip into hyunjin’s pajamas - only to be confronted with hyunjin wiggling from his grasp, voice thick with new unshed tears when he told chan he couldn’t anymore. after a couple of days, hyunjin’s neediness got the better of him. just like chan knew it would. but to both of their great frustration, nothing chan did could make hyunjin finish, no matter how hard he was in his hands, no matter how much he whined “please, jus’ a little more,” it was just never enough to get him there. chan still hasn’t figured it out.
it torments him, knowing there’s something wrong with hyunjin. it haunts him that he hasn’t been able to take care of it yet.
chan thinks of his father saying “you can’t fix people, chan. you can be there for them, but they have to fix themselves.” chan’s father was wrong and he was a coward. chan could fix hyunjin, he promised to take care of him and rid him of all the anxiety that built up over the years. this - felix - had been a major setback, but chan could handle it. hyunjin needed him more than ever now. it’s easy for chan to fall into a new routine.
get up, work out, shower, make breakfast, wake hyunjin, eat, drive hyunjin to university, go to work, pick hyunjin up from university, go back to work, go home, make dinner, eat, watch tv, bath time, sleep.
from this point onwards chan is spending almost no time with his friends anymore and doesn’t join the weekly after work get-together with his colleagues from that point onwards. it helps that he’s been telling everyone - friends, family, neighbors, colleagues- about his sick boyfriend for almost three years now. everyone believes him when he tells them about a “flare up” without going into specifics. when he starts excusing himself only shortly after the lunch break, promising to catch up on his work in the evening, to “drive hyunjin to the hospital for another check up”, no one questions him; admirable, respectable chan, who works overtime and maintains his social life while also managing to care for his chronically ill boyfriend.
a big lie, but one that made chan’s current situation unbelievably easier.
hyunjin is not his boyfriend, of course. wasn’t ever his boyfriend, not before felix and definitely not now. and he’s not sick, or at least he never used to be - chan is not so sure about his health at this point.
in the past months, hyunjin seemed to get a bit better, less depressed and almost back to the way he used to behave when it’s just him and chan. he doesn’t go out anymore, more content to be in chan’s company only or simply by himself. hyunjin has his interests that he busies himself with. he promises chan he doesn’t think about felix anymore, especially not since he moved out of the country.
so chan decided to meet up with his friends again. no matter how good your peers think you are, socializing is important in order to not slowly become an outcast.
that night when chan came home just after midnight, he sees hyunjin snuggled into bed, looking about ready to fall asleep. when he asked him to join him for bath time, he was met with silence ar first. “oh, i… i showered already,” hyunjin finally said. he sounded casual, but he looked guilty, like he was unsure whether he did the right thing or not. good. chan likes bath time with hyunjin. chan likes being able to run his hands over hyunjin’s bare skin after a long day of not being allowed to touch him, even if neither of them get to cum now. he doesn’t like hyunjin taking showers by himself. it angers him even.
chan knows, of course, that hyunjin is perfectly capable of cleaning himself, just like he’s capable of making himself dinner or taking the subway to university or studying for his exams or putting himself to bed or cleaning the apartment (which he does frequently and thoroughly while chan is working late) or getting laid. despite hyunjin’s admittedly lacking social skills and this new flaring anxiety, hyunjin is the same highly functional grownup who can and could always take care of himself. but chan knows hyunjin likes the help, starts to need some of it even, starts to need chan being there for him as more than just a roommate, fuckbuddy or friend. this comes as a relief because chan knows he needs to take care of hyunjin just as much, probably even more than hyunjin needs him.
and chan doesn’t want to let go of bath time. so he didn’t . “let’s keep doing that together, okay?” he suggested softly, willing the crease in his forehead away before it could give away his frustration. relief flooded from his chest through his whole when hyunjin nodded immediately, eagerly. “okay, hyunjinnie. i promise i’ll be home before midnight from now on.”
they don’t miss a single bath time after that night. bath times are good for hyunjin, chan’s sure he can’t sleep without them at this point and chan always does his best to make them as relaxing as possible, just like he does his best to take care of hyunjin in any other way he might need him to. hyunjin deserves it.
the people who picked hyunjinin the past were never good for him: felix, his college girlfriends that all left as soon as they got bored of his timidity, his school friends who made him drink until he threw up, even his parents. chan would desperately like to exclude himself from this list, but in moments of honest self reflection he can’t help but place himself write up there with mr. and mrs. hwang. but then he has to consider that he’s the only who hasn’t left hyunjin yet. and he never will. so that must account for something.
despite the mistakes he’s made during his time knowing hyunjin, it’s obvious that no one else is able to take care of him like chan is, no one else knows how to treat him right, no one else understands him, no one else knows what he needs without him even asking for it.
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as he turns off the water and steps out of the shower, chan vows to do anything needed to make hyunjin okay again.
i’ll have to make sure that no one ever picks hyunjin again, chan thinks to himself, feeling his head clearing as the puzzle pieces fall into place in his mind.
it’s time for hyunjin to pick someone instead.
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↳ three months later
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