#I can unfortunately relate moon to people in my life who were bad to me

[amphiptere-art]

So I'm just going to post some weird vomit on all the things going on with the newest sun and moon show episode. There's been a lot of people saying that moons sacrifice shouldn't be as sad as some people have made it. And other people defend the episode and moon.

I won't deny, I've never seen Moon as a kind person. He is always been really cruel. But I also see why people want to support him. He's a character who is "rough" and yet makes friends and companionships. He's the perfect example of a person who has issues with society and yet still be able to mix in. His comments towards sun are probably not as harsh as they're supposed to be in his mind. But he also isn't apologetic at all.

He does not seem to progress, at least not in his actions towards sun. He seems to progressed when it comes to other people, Monty, Golden Freddy, extra. And yet he still stays suck on his version of Sun and his version of how he interactions sun. I don't think he is purposely being cruel. But he is naturally cruel and unfortunately not fixing any issues he has with sun. He failed to do anything with sun's anger until it was too late. He refuses to help sun and what can only be described as willing ignorance. He's not a good brother. But he is not a bad person. That part is clear.

Moon has lots of things on his own plate. a feeling of regret is embedded deep in him as much as sun. He regrets what he did to his brother. he regrets what he's doing now. he regrets how he left his kill code in sun to make eclipse. And he's trying to do something. getting rid of the eclipse. getting rid of kill code. protecting his family in a way that is very physical. Unfortunately he is missing the mental stability of his family. And unfortunately he seems the only really notice when tensions are so high that it's hard not to. He's fixing the wrong stuff and fixing it the wrong way. He has a motivation to fix what he has done to sun. But he's unwilling to do actions that would actually help.

This is always been a thing I've gone back to but he is eclipse. That was a thing eclipse said at the very start. The only difference is that eclipse is willing to go through a more personal and physical way of doing everything that moon.. probably has secretly wanted to do. I don't know if I'll call Moon a manipulator. But he definitely feels like a gas lighter. Somebody who throws away the truth. Although I won't deny it does feel more like he's hiding from it. Moon doesn't like it when it's pushed at a forefront that he is a bad guy. And defends that point by either saying "it's just how I am" or by threatening with violence.

There's a part of me that wishes that moon could have met Earth. Earth out of everyone could have definitely snapped him into shape. Earth would have noticed what he was doing and Earth would have told him to stop. Earth could perhaps lead him through the steps that could actually help fix his relationship with his brother and positively move the character forward. But we are not getting that angle. Earth will never be able to correct moon at least not as he is now. Sure there's a high possibility that reset Moon will act very similar to the moon we have now. But it won't be the same.

I wish the creators of the show would have tried to fix moons problems naturally. It's not unheard of, It might be hard but it's not unheard of. And it's clear that he has changed when interacting with other people. This positive fix exists. But I don't think the creators of the show know how to pull it off. at least not this far out. Maybe if they started earlier it could have worked but the closest we ever got to it was when Sun started having anger issues. at that point Moon decided to lock him up and put it as a "fix later" after his first true attempt failed. At that point they got so separated that any chance of them fixing it out naturally just wouldn't be able to happen at all.

Honestly this relationship is one we're usually the siblings would separate. I have done so with my brother. Someone I could describe is very much like moon although in different ways of course. I haven't seen my brother in what, 8 years? And yet I know from my other brothers and sisters that he's living a perfectly fine life he has friends and family that care for him. He's just not part of my life anymore and I'm honestly happier without him. Moon is not a bad person but he is a bad brother.

And all tho strange, I am slightly happy that his character is getting "reset". If you couldn't have done earlier and if they can't do it with Earth and this is possibly the next best thing. I just hope this moon doesn't end up like nice eclipses moon.

#Youtube #sams #sun and moon show #fnaf moon #fnaf eclipse #kill code moon #I'm trying to be as neutral as I can with this #I don't exactly hate moon's character but I do hate moon as a person #I can unfortunately relate moon to people in my life who were bad to me #and yet I can also relate him to my own struggles #I do relate more to Sun's character though #I hope new moon doesn't ruin the show

[thewiz9062]

Smiling Critters AU: Dogday's Psyche

NOTE: THIS IS NOT RELATED TO CANON IN THE SLIGHTEST. An accurate description of this au is that I took every playtime.co poster art and promotional material from the game and lit up the rest of canon in a bonfire. Meaning that EVERY character is part of one big cartoon. Thats it. No bigger bodies project, no child souls, no experiments, just a depiction of a cartoon. PLEASE do not ask me to do anything suggestive with anyone.

OK I know it's been a while since I posted one of these but bear with me here this one was interesting to write

So dogday

In my other posts, I've already made him a constant in everyone's lives (as he's the main character) but I want to go into how he thinks because that explains alot of his actions and most importantly, his interactions with catnap.

Tldr, dogday is elation (que demoic giggling if you get the reference)

Now usually when you see a happy go lucky character you immediately go "they've either had the happiest childhood ever and are genuinely like this or they didn't and they're faking it" and that was gonna be my original assessment with dogday. But yk.....that's bland. So i decided to mix the two: pretty bad childhood but they're happy....unhealthily so. Hear me out here:

In my au, dogday was abandoned as a baby at a foster home. So they "raised him" (they just did just over the bare minimum, I don't wanna villianize the workers though because they did have like a bunch of other kids there as well, not excusing them of course) but he was mostly left to his own devices. Normally this would dampen a child's spirit but dogday is quite a fighter, finding joy or happiness wherever he could. Whether it be picture books or TV shows, he found a way to make himself happy. And All the media he knew subtly shunned sadness or anger or anything of the sort. So now all dogday knew was happiness, as anything else was 'bad' and needed to be fixed.

The people around him didn't help his mindset either. After interacting with the other kids there, they usually had some semblance of an uplift in mood for the rest of their day. It usually didn't last long, though, because while dogday lived there their entire life, the others were there due to...unfortunate circumstances. He also could notice how the workers felt like he was a breath of fresh air compared to the other children, who mostly needed consoling, while dogday was 'self-sufficient' (they try I swear they're just not good at it)

So all in all, after 13 years of this dogday... was in a very unique state of mind. If you want a simple explanation, then he has this mental limiter. Anything happy or can bring joy can stay, and any other thoughts get snuffed out immediately. So he's not faking happiness. In a way, he just doesn't know anything else. Present him a situation where someone is sad his first instinct is to cheer them up, and usually it works, but in the situation it doesn't, he'll pretty much blue-screen. Cuz after all, it's always worked before, what else does he know?

So enter catnap.

Catnap is essentially his foil, and his main purpose is to help him see the other side of things because sun and moon dynamic yk I had to do it

Someone like catnap won't be cheered up normally, catnaps sort of nihilistic when it comes to problems, believing nothing can be done about it, cause in his situation he had no control over what happened, so why try and fix what he can't, that's meaningless. So letting his emotions pass by and move on is his way of 'comfort' So dogday's attempts at cheering him up doesn't work, and as Dogday does in those situations, he blue-screens. Normally when dogday fails to cheer someone up and he visibly panics, they'll give him a smile or a laugh, and seeing that instantly fills dogday with relief, even though he doesn't see that it doesn't reach their eyes.

Catnap won't do that however, because of his own coping mechanism. So dogday will panic, quietly spiraling into thoughts like "why isn't it working, what do I do, how do I fix this" and catnap reads his face and tells him to stop, he just needs a moment. Dogday wouldn't understand, he's never seen sadness be good for someone.

And from there his learning journey begins (aka how to feel other things)

God I love making them mentally unstable

#poppy playtime #smiling critters #smiling critters poppy playtime #dogday #catnap #alternate universe #angst #sorta? #btw the refrence was hsr

[a-fantasy-lover-surfing-the-net]

Modern Cdramas I watched in 2023

This was my first year in Dramaland (both Chinese and Korean). And I have to say that for the most part I have enjoyed my journey in discovering the dramas. This list includes dramas that were released before 2023 as well.

9. Love of Replica

This one of those dramas with lookalikes where the female lead impersonates her lookalike and solves the mystery about her backstory. Also, it's a bodyguard romance so I definitely expected some things going in. It's full of cliches and tropes some enjoyable and some irritating. I have to praise Yu Yue (actress portraying the female lead), she really made me believe that lookalikes were two completely different people. The chemistry between the main couple is fire. I did not enjoy the secondary characters' romance. However the overall squad energy and their team dynamic was great. I kinda guessed the twist but was surprised by how dark the drama went. Overall, I liked most of it and I was disappointed how some of the characters ended up. If you want a bodyguard romance with kinda obvious twists with very good cast chemistry then you'll probably like it.

8. Parallel Love

This is a time travel drama (you'll see more of these in this list) where Lin Miao, the female lead travels from 2020 to 2010 and she must help Jiao Yang, who is the Vice President of Hong Yu, become the president of the company within 3 months otherwise she will disappear forever. What I liked most about is that Lin Miao is very competant and smart, even if she is not experienced for the task she will still try her best and give it her all. I enjoyed the romance and the dynamic of the main leads. It definitely has plot holes regarding time travel and the rules were not properly explained. They also did not really focus much on the time travel part and did use the potential things that they could do with time travel. However, the interaction between the present and the future Lin Miao was very well done and something that many people would be able to relate to. The business plot was medium and not very interesting. The main leads' personalities and character arcs was the reason why I enjoyed the drama. However, they left the ending ambiguous so if you don't mind open endings then you'll enjoy this time travel/corporate romance drama.

7. Love under the Full Moon

Another time travel drama with a twist that Lei Chu Xia (female lead), who has time travelled 10 years into the future can't leave Xu Xiao Dong side beyond a certain distance. Together they work to recover her memory to unravel the mysteries of the past decade. This drama has great romance, unique time travel premises further in the series, good character development for the main and secondary cast, an antagonist that seems like a real person which makes it seem like we could meet someone like them in real life and a plot with unexpected paths. However, it does have a bittersweet open ending which could make some people hate the drama. Despite that I really liked the drama.

6. Mr. Bad

One day, Nan Xing, an online novel writer makes a wish for an "unforgettable love" in a wishing pool. Then, Xiao Wu Di, the villain of her story, suddenly appears before her! She tries to avoid him, but Xiao Wu Di finds her and threatens her into taking care of him. Unfortunately for him, Nan Xing's wish comes with a special power: whenever she needs help, Xiao Wu Di teleports next to her to fulfill her wish. It's fun, fluffy and sweet with not much angst. The romance is cute and the dynamic with the secondary cast is enjoyable. The ending frustrated me but I assume they did it to pass the censors so I just pretend the last 7 mins don't exist. This is one of those shows you can watch when you just want to turn your brain off and watch a sweet story.

5. My Lethal Man

It's premise is similar to Love of Replica however here Shen Man Ning, an art student takes the place of Zhuang Xin Yan, granddaughter of a business tycoon. Yan Xing Cheng, the mysterious male lead is ruthless in pursuing the mastermind behind the threats and is not really sympathetic to Xin Yan but as they face the difficulties together they fall in love. The romance is so good and their dynamic is very different from typical ones. I found the secondary characters' romance weird and poorly done. The plot was really good and the pace kept moving along nicely. Except for the secondary romance, I had a great time watching it, I really recommend this one if you want a drama that balances mystery/thriller and romance and does a good job at both aspects.

4. Love in Time

A time travel drama again ! This is the last one though. This one is unique because the appartment in which He Zhen Yu has recently moved into merges with it's past one. This is how he meets a rookie reporter Chen Jia Lan who is a former tenant from four months ago, and through some miracle, they are able to see each other. When they attempt to prevent future misfortunes by changing the past together, their romance blossoms. Their romance was so good that I really ended up hardcore rooting for them to get their happy ending. I don't want to give away too much so all I'll say is that the time travel and its consequences were handled very well for the most part and the plot was interesting and took surprising turns. He Zhen Yu's character arc was very well portrayed on the other hand while in the beginning I related to Chen Jia Lan, in the latter part of the drama I was frustrated with her choices and how she didn't have a character growth moment. All the actors did a good job but I have to say that the main leads' acting was very good and made me very immersed in their story. All in all, I had a very good time watching it as the ending brought it all together for me.

3. Lucky's First Love

It's one of those office romances which has a light tone for the most part. Xing Yun is competent and hardworking who was there with Xia Ke when he started the company. They have been working together for years and have deep understanding of each other and work well together. Thankfully, Xia Ke is not one of those CEOs who are jerks and cold hearted. He may be reserved but he is quite caring (not in an overt way) not only towards Xing Yun but also his employees. Xing Yun does go out with someone else in the start but it doesn't last long and love triangle shenanigans are not long drawn out. The main leads' romance is sweet and depicts their daily interactions and they have great kiss scenes. The secondary couples are also great. This drama has character development for main and secondary characters, wholesome workplace and family dynamics, no over the top melodrama, lifelike workplace and relationship issues, slice of life interactions and very little angst. This is a great watch for when you need something short and sweet that's not too heavy.

2. Ordinary Greatness

The show mainly focuses on novice police officers that are starting their one year long mentorship. They soon discover that the grass-roots work is different from what they imagined, and, after some struggles, they're gradually moved by the sense of achievement and honour gained in their work. Throughout the show we explore their characters, their comraderie with each other, with their mentors and with other police officers at their station. We also get to know their mentors and other police officers at the station which immerses the audience in the show deeply. It is a slice of life type drama, where most of the cases are not major crimes. All actors knock it out of the park with their emotional as well as subtle portrayals. This show depicts how even small acts and seemingly tedious and insignificant work really have great impact on people's lives and that the people doing such grassroots work contribute just as much and are just as important to the society if not more as the people doing big acts like taking down criminal gangs. While some situations and cases are specific to China, everyone will be able to relate to majority of them. I must say this is a must watch drama.

1. Arsenal Military Academy

This is a Republican era drama in which Xie Xiang assumes her brother's identity to join the Chinese army and is accepted in the Arsenal Military Academy. While she is the main lead the story also follows Gu Yan Zheng(main lead) - a spoilt quarrelsome rich kid, the gentle and introverted Shen Jun San, Qu Man Ting - a famous actress and singer and secondarily other cadets, their teachers and other locals. It has great comedy, really good romance (including their hilarious bickering), enjoyable action and entertaining dynamic of the cast. All the actors did an excellent job here, the standouts being Bai Lu, for portraying being able to convincingly play the female role and the female disguised as male role all while knocking out her emotional and comedic scenes and Xu Kai, who can forget his electrifying performance as a lovable troublemaker. I have to warn you that the story gets serious in the last 10ish episodes and that the love triangle does drag out a little bit longer than it should but it's resolution is still good. To me the drama didn't seem overly patriotic so I didn't have a problem rooting for the characters and their goals of protecting and improving their country. This ranked first because it's romance, characters and their comraderie won me over completely.

You can also check out my costumed cdrama rankings.

As I'm still a newbie to cdramas and kdramas, I welcome your recommendations.

#I was supposed to post this in the second week of jan but instead it went into the #tumblr void #i rewrote and posted it as soon as i realised it #sorry #that you're reading a #2023 retrospective #a month into #2024 #cdrama #cdramas #modern cdrama #cdrama review #arsenal military academy #ordinary greatness #lucky's first love #love in time #my lethal man #mr. bad #mr bad #love under the full moon #parallel love #love of replica

[lostintherealmsofthefandoms]

2ha fans are really annoying. In Tw1tter mostly but also here. The thing that bothered me mostly is that they can't accept opinions different from theirs. They're too sensitive about their favs.

And if you comment anything related to triggers or rap3, they already come with "if you don't have the psychology for it don't read" again, as if to love something you have to love every aspect of it. To them you can't have critical sense.

I still remember the person here who attacked me saying I was distorting their words, when I was showing a different opinion replying their replier. In tw1tter someone said 2ha it was bad developed and other that the rap3 scenes was excessive and whatever and people freaked out attacking the person. They don't accept a different opinion than theirs.

Is ironic how those exactly people are the ones who like to say how mature they are and that who didn't like wasn't mature enough, so mature but still can't accept a different opinion.

However not everyone is bad. Many moons ago, on Fac3book from all place, I met two person. We got in a arguement about MoRan and txj. But it was a peaceful argument, we would say things like "I think you misunderstood me" instead of "you distorted my words".

Both parts were trying hard be respectful, in the end we find things to agree and realized that some things were misunderstanding. We parted at peace and friendly. Best argument I ever have in my life in a fandom.

The mostly and only actually mature persons I've ever seen in 2ha fandom. Last time I argued here I truly hoped would be the same. I always do.

I'm fool who thinks people can be friends even with different opinions, unfortunately that's not what mostly thinks and it's sad. But anyways, there are people out there who would like that, who would be mature enough. No all fandoms, not all of 2ha fandom is lost. I hope find people like those more often.

That was just a vent, people on tt are being annoying af and I rather vent here.

Edit: An unnecessary reminder that not all in the fandom is like this, if you feel personal attacked by this, this means you don't respect people's opinions and is helping the fandom have the bad name.

#2ha #erha #husky and his white cat shizun #fandoms #meatbun #not a hate to the novel or author #just to the fandom rlly

[crystalsenergy]

Wounded Sun in Aries

✨☀️🩹 - The Astrology of Healing (Astrology + Ho'oponopono) ✨☀️🩹

"Paty, why wounded Sun in Aries? Wounds don't have to do with Chiron?

Yes! Chiron is the focal point for us to see our internal wounds. However, look inside and look around you… How many of us only manifest the negative side of our positioning - by choice, by changes, by wounds… I see this happen a lot.

In my inner trajectory and working with astrological charts, I see several beings living the opposite extreme of what they were a while ago, as a result of a wound that was not well healed or processed (case 1). Or, people who only express the worst side of their positions (case 2). In the latter case, I see it being something more difficult to change, as it involves a soooo much desire to grow, evolve. Honestly, sometimes the astrological placement only represents what is negative in the person - unfortunately, as it is what they chose to manifest.

For me, it is possible to use our astrological placements as a bridge for evolution and taking advantage of the best that that sign can offer us. But it's always up to us.

So, as I have said here before, let's look at astrological placements not as "I am it", but rather as "what of it do I have in me?". In fact, it is an important exercise in self-reflection to see what we need to heal…

Example: wounded Libra Moon may be afraid to show their sensitivity, to relate. A person who is so sensitive to external demands, to wounds and difficult relationships, can nullify that part of themselves. "I can't be sensitive, I can't show my sensitivity." Do you understand? And the interesting thing is that the chart itself indicates these trends of pain in placements, but it is not the only one, because in life we go through changes and choices, and people cross our paths all the time, leaving marks.

And Ho'oponopono enters here.

Ho'oponopono is a Hawaiian practice that considers 4 main phrases in its structure to help us unlock memories and consciously release what is unconscious. This release is loving, and the more we do it with presence and intention, the better results we achieve.

We know that Astrology is valuable knowledge regarding our process of self-awareness. It helps us evolve, grow, and realize both the good and bad aspects that we may not have been noticing in ourselves.

That's why it's interesting to combine the self-awareness we gain from Astrology with existing techniques for self-healing.

It all happens in the mind… It is from the mind, where our thinking patterns reside, that we react initially, and from where our thoughts, both those we communicate and those within social media, originate. In this reality, the mind commands everything.

So, working from the mind with constructive words and phrases that seek healing is a powerful exercise. Words have power!

Here are a few more healing phrases for a Wounded Sun in Aries, incorporating the four parts of Ho'oponopono:

HEALING PHRASES FOR WOUNDED SUN IN ARIES

These phrases aim to address the wounded aspects of a Sun in Aries while acknowledging and appreciating the positive qualities of this astrological placement.

"I'm sorry for any times my impulsive actions may have led to unintended consequences. Please forgive me for not always considering the impact of my actions on others. Thank you for the lessons in patience and understanding, and I love you, courageous spirit, for your unyielding drive."

"I'm sorry for any conflicts that may have arisen from my need to assert my independence and individuality. Please forgive me for not always finding the right balance between self-expression and consideration for others. Thank you for the fiery passion that fuels me, and I love you, bold heart, for your unapologetic authenticity."

"I'm sorry for any past instances where my competitiveness may have overshadowed collaboration. Please forgive me for not always recognizing the value of teamwork. Thank you for the resilience and determination you've instilled in me, and I love you, warrior soul, for your relentless pursuit of excellence."

"I'm sorry for any impatience I've shown in my quest for progress and success. Please forgive me for not always allowing things to unfold at their own pace. Thank you for the energy and enthusiasm you bring to my endeavors, and I love you, trailblazing spirit, for your fearlessness in facing challenges."

#wounded placements #wounded sun in aries #sun in aries #astrology of healing

[with-seokjin]

I was dreading writing this someday but unfortunately, some things we can’t change, especially in situations like this. As most of you know, Seokjin has enlisted in the military. The only emotions I have to explain how I’m feeling other than anxiety, a huge pang of sadness and this weird sense of mixed emotions I can’t exactly pinpoint. 

I have been an army for a long time and when I first got into them, their enlistment wasn’t even talked about because they were so young. Of course, as the years passed by, it started being talked about but there was this part of me that hoped that something, some miracle was going to happen so they didn’t have to do their enlistment but this was completely out of my control and I can’t change the rules, even if I wanted to with my whole being. This is happening whether I want it to or not. I knew it would happen my heart wasn’t prepared for it and I don’t think I could even if I tried. 

Ever since I was a baby army, Seokjin stood out to me, and he wasn’t even my bias at the time. I was always interested in him because sure he was handsome and talented but there was something about his personality that made me relate to him and realize that his “cold” personality wasn’t him and he is literally one of the most adorable humans I have ever seen inside and out and I needed to learn more about him. I instantly fell in love with bts and him even more. I made a dedicated blog for him (this exact one!), I watched every award show, run bts, and everything I could, and I tried not to miss out. This was the peak of my mental health is really bad and for the longest time, bts was holding me above water and bringing me joy when I felt like nothing else could. I totally believe my high school years would have been even worse without them and I will be forever grateful. 

I left being active in the fandom due to personal stuff until last year. I stumbled upon the PTD LA concert pictures and streams on twitter and seeing them together,  being their happy, free, selves during PTD brought me joy I can’t explain! It made me realize what I was missing in my life and what made me fall in love with them, to begin with. The part that made me sob was when everyone did the birthday project for Seokjin. Seeing him so happy and overwhelmed with emotion brought me so much joy. He deserved his last birthday with army in person for a while to be special and it was! I think it’s exactly what he wanted.

This year has been a hard one for a lot of us and I know this huge event will change things I want to remind everyone that we have each other! I have personally met some of the nicest people and I know I have people I can lean on during hard times! It’s okay to reach out to friends, even if they are someone you met online! Nobody has to deal with this alone and shouldn’t have to either so please, reach out, and let your feelings out! Friends, reach out to people you haven’t talked to in a while who may be affected by this! We are a fandom that loves and cares about each other and it’s time to express that! We will be okay as long as we have each other. 

Seokjin,  My heart is heavy and I know this isn’t a goodbye, but a see you later, and it still makes my heart ache. I can’t put into words the impact that you and bts have had on me but it’s so huge. I know I wouldn’t be the same person without the music you have created. I will be forever thankful for you. You are my comfort, one of the funniest people I have experienced and someone with such a kind heart. Things won’t be the same without you but I promise, you have a huge list of people who will be excited and so happy to see you when your enlistment is finished, I’m one of them. 

Please stay warm, be safe and come back better than ever! We will take care so you should too! We love you, our moon! 

#jin #bts #bangtan #we love you #army #seokjin #bts army #kim seokjin

[beezwrites]

two sides of the same coin - dream redemption arc

(so it's the prison arc but cq doesn't go batshit and torture the celery stick for months)

Dream watches with mild curiosity as Quackity steps into the cell. He’s got a duffle bag with him, but he doesn’t seem to want anything to do with it. It clanks slightly as he sets it down on the obsidian flooring.

Quackity waves slightly. “Dream,” he hums, as a way of greeting. He notes his mask still in place, unblemished from his stay in this cell. He'd have thought Dream would remove it, being stuck in this box, but no. It still sits, a porcelain plate with a black painted smile.

That smile faces him now as Dream closes the journal he’d been scribbling in. “Quackity,” he nods back, setting the book down next to him. He crosses his legs criss-cross style and leans back on his palms, his hands pressed to the pillow behind him.

Quackity’s eyes slide away from the mask over the prisoner’s face, settling on the book instead. “What’s that?” He asks, walking closer. His gait is relaxed, not hostile. Trying to make him feel safe? Dream is slightly confused, but relents. He holds up the journal, waving it back and forth slightly.

“Just a diary of sorts,” he explains, “Helps to put things on paper sometimes.”

Quackity nods. “Journaling is a nice hobby to have,” he agrees, “Can I sit?” he continues, gesturing to the end of the bed.

“Knock yourself out,” Dream sighs, setting the journal back down. “So, what’s up?”

“In what context?” Quackity asks, pulling his feet into a criss-cross sit as well. “What’s going on outside, what’s related to you..?”

“Let’s start with why you’re here?” Dream tries, phrasing it as more of a question than a demand.

“Sure.” Quackity shrugs. “It’s a little bit of a long story, but I guess you got time.” he grins, gesturing to the cell around them.

Dream rolls his eyes, head tossing, but a confused little smile sits on his lips behind the mask. Why is Quackity acting like they’re friends? Last time he’d checked, everyone on this server would be happy to see him burnt at the stake.

He’ll take the change of tone, though. It’s refreshing.

“So, I’m a gambler. You know that,” Quackity starts, “And I lost a bet.”

“Occupational hazard,” Dream nods, giving a self-satisfied little chuckle.

Quackity waves him off, but smiles. “Yeah. Occupational hazard. Anyways, I lost a bet with someone who isn’t… alive.”

Dream tilts his head. “How on Exdii’s green earth did you accomplish that?”

“Glatt.” Quackity sighs. Dream snorts into his hand.

“Hey, listen, it wasn’t my fault!” Quackity complains.

“That, big man, is one hundred percent a your bad.” Dream chuckles. “Gambling is an addiction, you know.”

“I’m well aware,” Quackity deadpans, “but yeah, lost a bet with a ghost.”

“I’m assuming he wants to be brought back to life?” Dream asks, tilting his head to the other side, “I mean, if I were a ghost, that’d be my price.”

Quackity winces. “Yeah..” He nods, grimacing. “And, you know, you have the book and all that shit.”

“Well, I don’t actually have the physical book.” Dream corrects. “I burnt the bitch.”

Quackity looks a mixture of shocked and horrified. “What-”

“Not to worry.” Dream assures him, tapping his temple. “It’s all up here.”

Quackity breathes a sigh of relief. “Good, good. Scared the shit outta me.” He breathes, holding a hand to his chest.

“And you’re here for my big bad book of necromancy, right?” Dream asks, wiggling his fingers comically. “My witchy book of secrets?”

Quackity tries and fails to suppress a grin at the other’s antics. His gold tooth glints in the lava lighting and his eyes squint up into little half-moons. “Yeah. I need the book,” he nods, leaning forwards slightly, “because unfortunately, I’m a man of my word.”

“I wouldn’t call that unfortunate,” Dream muses, “It’s a hard quality to find in people a lot of the time.”

“I’m so glad the guy in the prison cell thinks I’m a good person.” Quackity snorts, leaning back onto his hands.

“Oh, shut up. I’ve done my share of shit, I know.” Dream waves him off.

“Yeah. I know.” Quackity says quietly, lips tightening into a small grimace.

Dream turns his face away. He doesn’t want to think about what he did.

“Anyways,” he says abruptly, bringing his hands together, “you want the book.”

“Correct.” Quackity finger guns at him.

“Right. What do I get in return?”

Quackity blanks. “What do you… want?” he asks slowly. His eyes flick to the duffle bag, but he shakes his head. If he can avoid it, he won’t even have to open it. Dream is willing to negotiate, that’s good.

For everyone involved.

Dream follows his gaze to the black bag. His curiosity piques, but he thinks it better not to ask. Yet, anyways.

“Well… let me think on that.” Dream hums. “There’s a lot of things I want, let me get them in order.”

His tone is genuine, not sarcastic or mocking. He leans back against the headboard, crossing his arms in a relaxed stance.

Quackity is content to let him think. In the meantime, he observes the changes the blond has gone through since he’d last seen him.

He’d expected Dream to’ve gotten skinnier, but no. The sleeves of the orange prison uniform are torn, revealing muscles that’ve obviously been well-maintained. Quackity supposes there’s not much else to do in this cell other than work out and write.

His hair is longer, as well. He remembers Sapnap telling him that Dream used to have light, golden blond hair that he kept in a scruffy mess on his head. Now, it’s a darker coppery blond, and it’s grown out; a lion’s mane around his face. 

He seems reserved, as well. Quackity had walked in here expected to be berated, yelled at, attacked, anything other than this easy banter. But Dream is just genuinely negotiating with him; not something he does often.

Dream sits forwards abruptly, snapping the noiret from his reverie. 

“Got something for me?” Quackity asks.

Dream nods. “I want out.”

Quackity bluescreens. “Pardon-?”

“You heard me, didn’t you?” Dream says. “I want out of here. I’m not saying jailbreak, I’m saying reasonable discharge.”

Quackity splutters. “Wh—I can’t get you out! What’s—how would that even work?”

Dream shrugs. “Talk to Sam, he’s the warden. And he likes you a helluva lot better than he likes me.”

Quackity sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. Once again, his eyes flick to the bag he’d set down. He shudders violently; he doesn’t want to stoop to that.

“Okay, what the hell is in that bag?” Dream asks. “You keep looking at it like its got hellspawn in it.”

Quackity waves him off. “Nothing important. It’s something I don’t want.”

Dream sighs. “Fine. Keep your secrets. But what do you say?” He continues, leaning forwards excitedly, “Let me out?”

Quackity holds up his hands, a sign to tell Dream to calm down. “Okay, okay. Now you have to give me a sec to think.”

“Yessir,” Dream hums, leaning back. The painted face of his mask sets on the noiret as he drops his head in his hands to think.

Quackity can get Sam to agree, he knows that. The problem is making sure Dream doesn’t start more trouble once he’s out.

He knows the others will probably blacklist him for this. Dream is dangerous, he reminds himself. His methods of revenge involve several breakings of the laws of nature and seemingly endless psychological torture. He’s not a nice guy.

But for the way he’s acting now, he hardly thinks the blond is gonna shoot for murder as soon as he’s out. And the mention of his crimes unease him—he might actually be sorry.

“Okay, okay.” Quackity says softly. “Idea.”

“Hit me,” Dream responds, leaning forwards eagerly.

“I'll get Sam to agree to let you out, yada yada, but I’ll have to keep an eye on you.” He says warningly.

“I figured,” Dream agrees easily.

“You’re aware I have my country, right? Well, it’s more of a city, but you know—my place.” Quackity continues, “You’d probably be living there for a while.”

“Free housing? Let’s go.” Dream grins. Quackity regards him, unimpressed, and Dream shrinks back a little.

“Sorry, sorry. Just trying to lighten the mood.” he backpedals.

“So, what do you say? That sound good?” Quackity asks.

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s good. And while you’re doing that, I’ll write down what I know from the book,” Dream agrees happily.

“Good,” Quackity hums warmly. “Shake?”

Dream shakes his hand firmly, still smiling like a dope. Quackity can hear it in his voice as he speaks again. “Alright then, that seals it.” Dream hums, laying back in the bed. “You go do your thing, and I’ll do mine.”

Quackity stands up and takes the bag, smiling as well. “Start writing then, yeah?”

“Yessir,” Dream chuckles, standing up to walk to his chest. “Now—skedaddle.”

Quackity waves, then reaches up to press his comm. “Sam? Let me out… no,” He grins, looking to Dream cheekily, “he was behaved, don’t worry. I need to talk to you, though.”

After the lava drops again and Dream is left in the cell alone once more, he settles a fresh book against his knees and begins to write.

Materials needed…

-

In Las Nevadas, the sky shines with clear stars outside of Quackity’s window. He sits slowly in his chair, rests his elbows on his desk, and drops his head in his hands.

He wonders if this is a mistake. If he could just never go back to the prison, leave Dream waiting forever.

But that’s cruel. And beyond that, he wouldn’t get the book if he didn’t go back.

He’d never get Schlatt off his back if he didn’t keep his end of the deal.

He finds his mind drifting back to Dream. His hopeful stanceas he proposed his price, the giddy smile showing in his voice when he’d gotten accepted. The way his hand had purposefully lingered over Quackity’s, holding onto the contact as long as he could. How long had it been since Dream was just touched, he wonders? How long had it been since someone patted his shoulder, brushed his hair away from his forehead, anything?

How long has it been for Quackity?

He pushes the question away with a violent shake of his head. That’s not important. None of these thoughts are important. They’re irrelevant.

He raises his head, scrubbing over his face with a long, exhausted sigh. His wings twitch irritably in their binder, and he huffs. He unbuttons his shirt and shrugs out, leaving it laying over the back of his chair. The binder goes next, and his wings are freed.

He stretches them slowly, wincing as the fragile bones pop from being bound against his back so tightly. Despite the slight pain, once he’s past it, he sighs in relief and lolls his head back. The cool air feels like heaven against his bent and cramped feathers. He hasn’t preened in forever, but there are more important things than that, and it hasn’t gotten too bad yet.

He looks at the piles of paperwork on the desk in front of him, and immediately closes his eyes. Too much work, waaaaay too much work.

He gets up, walking away from his desk and taking his shirt with him. He lays it over his shoulders, not caring to put his arms through the sleeves.

Making his way down the hall, to his bedroom, his mind begins to wander again. Back to Dream.

Where will he stay? At the hotel across the casino, expenses paid by the president.

How will Quackity monitor him? Daily check-ins at the end of the day.

When will he be able to arrive? As soon as Sam agrees to let him out.

All these questions echo in his mind, bouncing around faster than ping-pong balls. His mind doesn’t quiet when he makes it to his room, nor when he dims the lights to sleep. It doesn’t quiet when he showers, or while he dresses for bed. It doesn’t even cease its violent whirring when he flops back onto his bed, pulling the quilt around himself.

It only slows when he begins to drift off from pure exhaustion, leaving him with the image of Dream, already retrieving an empty book as the lava had begun to drop.

Hopeful for a promise made to be kept.

#writing #writing community #dsmpblr #quackblr #ao3 #creative writing #writblr #writer #writers of tumblr

[hunting-destiny]

ok

u gotta tell me more abt ur ocs now 👀

OH MAN OH MAN

OKAY 

My main one is Neza who is an awoken hunter, they're all over this account foudfhg. To keep it shorter, they were found on the moon by their ghost Lil'man before the fall of Crota and the YW of my OCs. They were part of a group sent to help hold the line for the vanguard when the guardians went out to fight.

After being rezzed, they found their twin brother Ursa-03 (my brother's guardian) and the two of them worked together to get the fuck off the moon.

From there they were taken in by the tower and mentored by Cayde; a lot of their story follows canon from this point!

Neza is very fun loving and is always looking for ways to make missions a little more enjoyable.

Their Ghost Lil'man is referred to as their guard dog by many, and the first one to their defense even if he knows they're in the wrong LMAO.



I have a warlock I just started working on named Cara-01 (Formally, Dr. Alasdair McCarthy.) She was a CSO (Chief scientific officer) during the golden age who was stationed at a branch laboratory for Braytech. During the events of the collapse their lab went into a lock down and the staff were trapped inside—this was especially bad for Cara because she relied on treatments to keep her health and body going strong.

Cara tried to keep things rolling smoothing as long as possible but when supplies ran low, the danger outside the doors grew, and higher ranking staff practically abandoned them, Cara made the suggestion to risk transferring people over to less perishable bodies, in the hopes that they'd all be able to survive this.

Most of the staff trusted both her and her judgement, and agreed. Cara uploaded their minds to the Lab's storage and her best friend and protégé Aysun was the first to be transferred and assisted in her own process.

Unfortunately, during Cara's transfer the branch's barricades were breached and Aysun had to try and buy time for Cara. When Cara came to, her friend had already perished.

She knew that her friends and coworkers were all backed up in the data banks and had trusted her to keep them safe. Because of this, Cara—who not once in her life had been even remotely athletic or trained—tried to draw attention as far away from the banks as possible.

Her ghost, Astrid, found her in the carcass of the labs many years later. While picking through what remained of the lab they happened upon information that spurred Cara into looking for her data in the banks, and realizing her past life and responsibility.

Currently with the backed up information of her old coworkers, Cara is working on fulfilling her promise. In the meantime, she works with the vanguard and as a mechanic for fellow Exos both guardian and civilian in efforts to help with the effects of DER and other ailments related to Exos.



Cara can have a bit of an aloof and cold air but at the end of the day she really does want to help people and holds a pretty big grudge against the Brays—specifically Clovis.

Astrid is very light hearted and likes to bend the rules when she can. Ever curious and eager to learn, she'll launch Cara into four hour lectures regularly.

#don't mind me info dumping about Cara #ive been brain rotting about her for 10 hours already and i gotta write this down before i forget soufhdf #Cara #Neza #Neza also keeps chickens in their ship and loves to show them to visitors

[crazywolf828]

In honor of Friday the 13th, I think we deserve some black cat facts!

(it also gives me a chance to show off my kit😅)

We've all heard the myths and ledgends of how black cats are bad luck, but how did that come to be? To understand that, we need to see how it all started.

Of course, one of the earliest connections between cats and humans is ancient Egypt, cats often being seen as divine symbols. There was even an Egyptian goddess, Bastet, who had the head of a cat and a slender female body. She was the goddess of protection, pleasure, and the bringer of good health.

But how did they fall from divinity to being bad luck?

Well, they appear in Greek mythology, specifically related to Hecate, who is the goddess of magic, sorcery, the moon and witchcraft. Hecate was described as having a cat as both a pet and a familiar. (Y'know, the thing witches have in European folklore)

You can probably guess where it's going from here, but why did Europe end up hating them so much?

Well, it was the church (Shocking I know). The church insisted black cats were the incarnation of Satan.

It's also heavily linked to paganism which, as the church grew in power, pagans were considered direct threats to the church and thus accused of being witches.

My personal favorite quote is "Cats, like the women accused of witchcraft, tend to exhibit a healthy disrespect of authority" "They don't fawn, like dogs, upon even the unworthy. In the church, neither independent women, nor independent animals, were to be tolerated."

Of course we know Europe did more than that, but what else was there?

Well for one, they blamed the cats for the bubonic plague and started killing them on sight. Unfortunately we now know it wasn't the cats but the fleas on the rats and with very few cats to kill the rats, the plague spread like wild fire.

That superstition of a black cat crossing your path? Yeah that was also the church. It was supposed that if a black cat crossed your path it could have been a witch sending it's familiar to harm you. Similarly they believed it could have been the devil themself. So these peasants would run to the nearest church to ask for blessings. Naturally the church used this, encouraged it, and endorsed these 'bad omens'

These beliefs were of course brought over to America causing the Salem witch trials and countless more deaths of both people and black cats.

But wait! Not everyone thought they were bad!

In fact, they're helpful to your love life! In Japan it's believed single women who own black cats will attract more suitors. And, in Great Britain’s English Midlands, a black cat is the ideal wedding gift. They’re believed to bring good luck and happiness to the bride. (I'd be so happy to get a cat for a wedding gift??)

Not only can it help your love life, but historically sailor's have been known to bring cats, but specifically black cats on ships for mousing (and probably companionship). But why black cats? Well, they're thought to bring safe passage. Plus they've been noted to have a higher catch rate. It makes sense for the black cat to be a better night hunter, blending in and all.

Pirates also had ties with them, though it's a bit tricky. If a black cat was walking towards them it was bad luck, walking away was good luck, and if they jumped on and then off the ship it was thought the ship would sink.

However, black cat arriving at your doorstep signals prosperity, a common belief in Scotland. And a black cat crossing your path signals good luck in England and Ireland!

Okay enough superstitions, what about facts for the actual cat itself?

I'm going to ruin some hearts, but I'm counting this as a black cat fact. There's no such thing as a black panther, there's only melanistic jaguars and leopards. If you look closely they all have spots.

Their black coats may offer them some protection from diseases!

In fact, the mutations causing the black coat affect the same genes that offer HIV resistance to humans.

And since cats can experience some health issues we do (cancer, HIV, Alzheimer's ect.) they make perfect models for studying human disease. By figuring out how cats have evolved to resist diseases, researchers can learn how to prevent disease in humans!

Black cats can change color!If your black cat has a tabby stripe gene and loves to lay in the sun, its fur can turn a brownish color. Why? The sun’s rays break down the pigment in their fur to reveal the underlying tabby stripes.

Here's an example from my black cat! You can see how the half in the sun is far more of a brown color than the side away from it.

This got very long but I hope y'all enjoyed these black cat facts! :)

(and also the pictures of my cat)

#her name is carmen and i love her #i left out some of the more commonly known ones #like shelters being weary of giving out cats in october and such #black cats #cats #friday the 13th #facts #animals #cat facts #animal facts #i hope people see this #i really put effort into this one #superstitions #don't mind me #my facts #carmen #carmen sandiego #my pets

[ladyartemesia]

The Kiss

◐ PART VIII of THE ALPHA ◐

◐ Series Masterlist ◐

◐ Part I ◐ Part II ◐ Part III ◐ Part IV ◐ Part V ◐ Part VI ◐ Part VII ◐

Pairing: Alpha Werewolf Jimin x Omega Reader

Rating: Hard Mature 18+ (for this installment)

Warnings: this one is a little darker, descriptions of violence, ABO sexual dynamics including discussion of scenting, marking, mating, and claiming, strong sexual innuendo, discussion of violence relating to ritual combat, possessive behavior, injuries and discussion of injuries, lots of people have, use and are threatened by knives, kidnapping and drugging, its not as bad as it sounds, but it is definitely a bit darker…

Word Count: 4250

Author’s Note: I said it before but it bears repeating...You have no idea what your support has meant to me. Truly your asks and your messages and comments…they made me so happy. You made me believe that people wouldn’t forget about this story. I am so grateful you were able to wait. As many of you know I faced a medical emergency recently and you were all so lovely. The best followers on this site and I MEAN that. As always, my angels @ppersonna @xjoonchildx and  @untaemedqueen​  were (and continue to be) the best betas and the best friends anyone could ask for. My thanks to ALL of you for helping me bring this story to life! I don’t know what I would do without your daily encouragement and your daily support. You guys are the heartbeat of this story. It wouldn’t be here without you.

——◐——

Two Years Ago 

——◐——

Centuries ago the moon goddess stumbled across her human soulmate while he was sleeping. Struck by his beauty, but reluctant to reveal her identity, the goddess began to visit him in his dreams where she could hide her true form and appear before him as a mortal woman. 

In the world of dreams their love flourished and from that blessed union the packs were born…

The wolf nations celebrated this sacred romance every ten years during the Festival of the Lover’s Moon…

The day of the festival was spent eating and drinking and dancing at large parties, but when the sun went down… well—

That’s when things got really interesting. 

On the night of Lover’s Moon the young unmated wolves of the pack were permitted to commemorate this legendary love story in a decidedly scandalous manner. 

The unmated men assumed the role of the goddess’s sleeping lover—they were blindfolded (to represent slumber) and led into a large sectioned off area of the dark forest to ‘wait and dream.’

Unmated she-wolves over the age of maturity (eighteen) took herbal scent suppressors and ventured out into that very same forest in order to anonymously ‘visit’ the young men ‘in their dreams’...

The rules for what exactly that meant were pretty fast and loose which was why Min Yoongi was thanking the goddess and every other deity he could think of that Yunli was still seventeen. 

“But I will be eighteen in two days! Please can’t I just—“

“No. Absolutely not under any circumstances ever.”

“But Yoonji is going!”

“Ji-ah is nearly nineteen and has never been interested in any of the snotty little man-pups of our pack.” He snorted. “She’s probably going out just so she can shove a bunch of them in the lake.”

“I wouldn’t count on it,” Yunli mumbled irritably. 

Kim Taehyung yawned idly and snuggled into the cozy little pallet he prepared at the base of his favorite tree. The blindfold he and all the other unmated ‘lovers’  wore was made from witchcloth and could not be removed while the sun was down—so he had snuck into the forest earlier to set everything up. 

Now all he had to do was wait until—

“H-Hi Taehyung.”

Oh sh—

“Uh. Hello...Miss.”

Taehyung didn’t recognize the owner of that voice, but he knew for sure who it wasn’t. 

“I was hoping to find you tonight.”

This is not good. 

“Well I’m—I’m flattered… naturally but—”

She touched his hand and he squeaked. 

“I was thinking you and I might get to know each other a little bet—eep!”

The sharp point of a custom blade pressed directly into the unfortunate young beta girl’s pulse point. 

“Are you lost, puppy?”

A heavy cloak obscured the newcomer’s features, but there was no mistaking her meaning. 

Taehyung bit his lip to keep from snorting as the poor she-wolf scrambled away. 

“Ji-ah,” he tsked with feigned disapproval, “that wasn’t very nice.”

Min Yoonji grinned as she sheathed her wicked looking dagger and slid languidly into his arms. 

“You don’t like nice girls, Kim Taehyung.”

“I like you,” he whispered breathlessly against her lips. “Nice or not—it doesn't matter to me…” His hands slid greedily over her soft curves—pulling her closer till he felt the beat of her heart against his own. “I’ll like anything as long as it’s you.” 

This was the stupidest idea in the history of stupid ideas. 

Jimin huffed as he struggled to find a comfortable position against the giant boulder he’d chosen as his perch.

Why did I let Taehyung talk me into this?

He could be at home—in bed—comfortably sleeping off the all-day feast he’d indulged in. 

Instead he was out in the middle of the forest sitting blindfolded on a rock in the off chance that one of the she-wolves was out looking for him. 

Not bloody likely. 

Not when prime targets like Namjoon, Hoseok, Jungkook—and countless others—were scattered throughout the woods. 

“Park Jimin?”

Every hair on Jimin’s body stood on end. 

It was a soft whisper—the speaker clearly didn’t want her voice to be recognized, yet something about the sound sent a curious frisson of interest down his spine. 

He gulped. 

“Yes… that’s me. But if you’re looking for Hoseok he’s just a little deeper in. You probably caught his scent downwind so—”

“I’m not looking for Hoseok.”

Jimin licked his lips and the sight of it sparked a odd curl of heat in the pit of your belly. 

“I don’t know where anyone else is…”

“That’s quite alright.” A muted shuffle of movement reached his ears as you settled down beside him. “I was looking for you.” 

“Oh…” He rubbed the back of his neck idly. “Are you sure?”

Laughter like fairy bells whispered through the air and Jimin felt his heart clench.

Don’t get your hopes up. 

“Who are you?”

You were silent for a long time and then—

“I am someone who owes you a debt. One I have never been able to repay.”

Jimin’s head tilted curiously as he considered your words. 

“I’m sorry, miss… you must be mistaken. There isn’t—“

“You don’t remember.” 

It was a statement—not a question. Your voice was nearer now. He could feel the warmth of your body close to his—though not quite touching. “It was your wolf that saved me. But you had not gone through the Change yet.”

Familiar shame spiked sharply in his chest.

“I’m seven years past the Change...Why have you never mentioned this before?”

“Circumstances prevented me from doing so.” 

There was a cold finality to your pronouncement—which of course did nothing but further inflame his curiosity. 

“Then why come to me now?”

“I’ve come to repay you.”

Jimin’s mouth dropped open. 

Were you trying to—?!

“Oh—no please that-that’s not necessary—I could never take advantage of—”

You giggled again.  

“I am not offering my body, Park Jimin.”

Jimin breathed a heavy sigh of relief then shook his head with a wry chuckle. 

“Well considering the circumstances I can hardly be blamed for assuming you might be. And honestly most men would jump at the chance to—”

“You...are not most men.” 

Jimin’s eyes narrowed beneath his blindfold. 

“Little she-wolf—I may not be wrestling bears for fun or bare knuckle boxing in the town square, but I am still an alpha.”

The weight of his command poured over your body as he spoke the last word. There was no order or intent—he had simply given you a taste of his power. 

Aside from your direct blood relatives, no alpha had ever dared unleash their compel in your presence—therefore you were utterly unprepared for the effect it had on you—

Utterly unprepared for the strange surge of want so potent and profound that it stole the breath from your body. 

It was primal—invigorating—

Sensual.

You and your wolf may not have been entirely connected yet, but she was suddenly quite vocal about her desire to fully bask in Park Jimin’s attention.

A wicked grin played over his lips as he leaned in closer and you could almost feel the soft brush of his lips against your cheek. 

“Did you think I would not desire the touch of a beautiful woman in the moonlight?” he whispered. 

Please touch me, Alpha. 

Your eyes widened. 

Dear goddess. Your inner wolf was turning out to be a shameless hussy. 

“You might desire it, but you are far too  honorable to accept it as payment for a debt.”

Jimin drew back warily. 

You were correct of course. After all he had refused you when he believed that was your intent but—

“How could you know that?”

Evade. Evade now. 

“Well... how could you know I was beautiful? You’re blindfolded.”

He shrugged and your wolf took careful note of the way it made all the pretty muscles in his back and shoulders ripple. 

He will give us such strong—

Oh boy. 

He will do no such thing. Please calm down. 

“Not everything must be seen with your eyes.”

Is that how you found me? All those years ago...

Questions churned chaotically beneath your consciousness but you dared not give voice to them. 

Focus.

“I must repay this debt. Ask for what you want and—if it is in my power—I swear it will be yours.”

Jimin smiled again, but this time it was somehow softer. For a moment he looked almost…

Sad. 

“I’m afraid that the only thing I have ever wanted is not within your power to give...and I dare not ask you or anyone else for it.”

For her. 

He sighed and drew even farther away from you—in fact it seemed like he was preparing to leave. 

No. 

Your hand reached out almost of it's its own accord and wrapped tightly around his wrist. The contact sent a shock of searing heat through his veins and he froze. 

“Please alpha. It is not acceptable for someone like me—” a leader, a Luna, “—to owe another my life and offer nothing in return. You must let me pay my debt.”

Omega, his wolf growled, sweet perfect omega. 

Suppressors may have hidden your scent, but the siren song of an omega pleading prettily in his ear was unmistakable—irresistible…

“What if all I want is your name?”

You sighed deeply. 

“I cannot give you that. My name is… not mine to offer.”

Jimin laughed. 

“A woman I cannot remember with a name I cannot know and whose face I cannot see.” He shook his head. “Perhaps you are just a figment of my imagination.”

It was hard to explain what happened next...For whatever reason his words cut you deeply and you were overcome with the desire—no need—to refute them somehow. 

“I’m real enough,” you whispered, bringing his hand to your cheek. 

Jimin was genuinely beginning to wonder if you were a witch as well as a she-wolf. Being close to you was intoxicating and the urge to draw you in was steadily overpowering every other thought.

“Could I ask you for a kiss, then?”

“You—...You saved my life and all you want... is a kiss?”

The air grew heavier as the strange magnetic pull between you swelled to a silent inescapable crescendo. 

“In Seoul I often searched for someone who could ease my loneliness, yet each time I walked away emptier than before.” His thumb brushed gently over your lips and your eyes fluttered shut. “I have never had a kiss that meant anything to me.”

But yours might. 

It was unclear who moved first, whether he pulled you to him or you surged forward but when your bodies aligned and your lips met his for the first time it was as if you had never been separate from one another. 

As if you had always been deeply—intimately —together. 

The indescribable feel of him lit over your senses like a struck match. It was an ignition in the purest sense of the word— a fiery visceral awakening fueled by a consuming flood of desire. 

Yes, Alpha. 

He might never see your face or hear your name, but Jimin knew he would remember the taste of you for the rest of his life. It was hot and bright like liquid sunshine— a pure relentless light flowing through him where there was once only darkness. 

A soft needy moan rose up from your chest and he growled in primal satisfaction as you melted against him. 

Your fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt of their own accord, desperately trying to bring him closer until he wrapped his arms around you in a heated embrace. 

“Please,” he begged breathlessly against your mouth. “Please tell me who you are.”

The words crashed over you like a bucket of ice —dousing the hazy pleasure of his kiss with a cold bite of reality. Suddenly you were wrenching yourself away from him and your wolf whimpered in misery at the loss of his touch. 

“I can’t,” you whispered. 

And then you were gone. 

“Did someone hurt you?”

You looked up to find Jin taking in your tears with cold fury. 

Twin knives were already gleaming dangerously in his hands and he appeared ready to filet whichever bastard was foolish enough to make you cry. 

“No,” you sniffed—well aware of how pitiful you were at the moment—crying in the corner of your cousin’s kitchen. “I got myself into this mess without any help—as usual.”

Jin sighed and slid down next to you. 

“Tell me.”

“Something happened that I…I didn’t intend.”

“Oh I knew that already. The Luna isn’t supposed to be running around on the night of Lover’s Moon in a forest full of blind horny wolves—“

You snorted and shook your head. 

“You’re absolutely right. I should have stayed away.”

Jin’s eyes narrowed and he wondered if perhaps you had caught Kim Namjoon with another omega. Nothing would be official until after the Change of course, but your bond with him was basically a foregone conclusion at this point. 

“You went looking for someone...didn’t you.”

You nodded miserably—all but confirming his fears. He made a mental note to push Namjoon in the swamp at the next available opportunity. 

“You know... the stories say that a Luna is powerfully drawn to her mate under the Lover’s Moon—that her wolf can sense him even before the Change.”  He reached over and gently began to brush the tears from your eyes. “So it’s not surprising that you sought him out, but it’s not really fair to hold whatever it is you saw against him. There is no relationship between you yet and…” he chuckled, “kisses beneath festival moonlight don’t really mean anything anyways.”

It was clear that Jin had somehow gotten the entirely wrong impression, but perhaps that was for the best. 

No one knew of your connection to Jimin and no one had seen what passed between you. 

Still…

Something about his assessment stung you. 

“You really believe that? ...That a kiss exchanged tonight means nothing?”

“I do.” Jin spoke with conviction. “There’s ancient magic at play in those woods. You can’t always trust what you see—or what you feel.”

“Oh I...I didn’t know…”

After a moment you laid your head against his shoulder and let the last of your tears run silently down your cheek. 

“Jin-ah have you ever wanted something you knew you couldn’t have?”

“Yes.” He sighed heavily and pulled you in to snuggle a bit closer. “When I was younger I dreamed of having a mate just like everyone else…”

The words were so softly spoken—almost wistful. Your heart splintered just hearing them. 

“But… she could be out there—your mate.”

Jin shook his head. 

“When is the last time you heard of a female alpha?”

Fresh tears welled up in your eyes. 

“Jin…”

“Hey,” he whispered, “don’t waste your crying on me. I’ve long since come to terms with who and what I am.”

“You’re not sad anymore?”

“Well… maybe sometimes I am… but I had to accept that people like us are not like everyone else. Our destinies were written long before we were born.”

“And you believe you’re destined to be alone?”

“Wolves in a pack are never really alone.”

“Yes...but they can be lonely,” you whispered thinking back to Jimin’s words. 

For a moment Jin’s eyes were the saddest you had ever seen them. 

“Well...I suppose they can.”  Then he chuckled and gave your nose an affectionate little tap. “But you don’t need to worry about that. When the time comes Namjoon will take his place at your side and the two of you will build a wonderful life together... Isn’t that what you want?”

Isn’t it?

Your treacherous thoughts drifted back to the boy in the moonlight—to the way your body sang when he touched you and the strange insatiable desire to know him and be known by him in return.

“Please...Tell me who you are.”

A heavy ache settled in your heart. 

You were the Luna of the mountain nations. A true born moon princess. 

You could never be the woman who kissed Park Jimin underneath the stars. 

You were not like everybody else. 

“...Yes. That is what I want.”

——◐——

Now 

——◐——

Jimin’s heart pounded as he tore through the dark paths of the wood with Taehyung, Yoongi, and Jungkook close behind. 

He had never led an attack—had never been trained to command wolves in battle. 

It was his first true test of leadership and he hadn’t even been a leader for twenty-four hours. 

Yet the fears and anxieties that might have normally clouded his mind were notably absent. 

There was only you.

Ironically Jimin owed Namjoon yet another debt—this time for explaining what exactly someone like him was capable of. 

The alpha Jin captured had given up their plan and position after being exposed to Jimin’s unique gifting, so he had a concrete target in his mind… He suspected however, that your captors had taken precautions after leaving some of their men behind. They had shifted their camp. 

But it wouldn’t be enough to save them. 

Jimin didn’t need your location to find you. 

He spent years refusing to look at you, and even then he always knew exactly where you were. He could sense you in any crowd—hear your voice in a thousand.

Once it had tormented him cruelly to be so aware of you. 

Now it was the only thing keeping him sane. 

He followed the connection between his heart and yours like a lifeline and it guided him as surely as the stars. 

The alphas followed him without question. 

If any of them harbored lingering doubts before, they were firmly laid to rest after what they saw at the cottage. No ordinary wolf could do what he had done. 

The Alpha would bring back their Luna and retribution would be swift indeed. 

The drugs in your system kept swinging you in and out of lucidity like a nightmarish pendulum. You tried to shift after the initial nausea faded, but whatever they gave you kept your wolf caged beneath your skin. 

Jimin

The longing you felt for your mate was the only thing tethering you to reality. You could almost hear him echoing in the far corners of your mind—  

I’m coming Omega—hold on. 

I’ll find you. 

Part of you recognized that his voice was likely nothing more than the wistful creation of your drug-addled mind, still you clung to it like the last shred of hope while the minutes (or hours) flew past.

Chaos clouded your thoughts even in clearer moments as many unavoidable concerns forced their way through the haze. 

Jin was at the house with you when they broke in. You had no way of knowing if he survived. 

The men who took you were crass and irreverent. Their eyes followed your form with too much interest and too little respect. 

It was starting to get cold and (due to you nearly dismembering a high council member and needing to be compelled unconscious) you were still wearing a thin white ceremonial dress which offered very little protection from the elements. 

You wondered idly if your idiot captors would let you freeze to death before they accomplished whatever it was they took you for. They clearly needed you for something or you would have been long dead by now. 

None of them struck you as particularly brilliant planners so the mastermind must be somewhere else... 

Frankly the entire situation was as puzzling as it was troubling. Iron Claw had always gotten along well with your pack. 

Technically they were (almost) what the human governments called a vassal state. The presence of a Luna determined the dominant pack in a region and the Luna of the mountain nations had been born into Silver Fang—your pack—for the last thousand years or so. 

Why would they challenge us now? 

The birth of a Luna indicated that the goddess had chosen that pack to lead. Their willingness—not only to kidnap you—but to go against the dominant pack by doing so was alarming to say the least. 

A sudden explosion of movement and sound interrupted your contemplation. Motion erupted all around you—boots pounding on the ground, men falling into their wolf forms, knives being drawn… 

You lifted your head—straining forward to see the source of the commotion—and nearly collapsed in relief when you finally did. 

Alpha

Your mate stood at the edge of the camp flanked by two enormous black wolves. 

A deadly looking jingum sword gleamed dangerously in his right hand. You recognized it immediately as your great-grandfather’s combat blade—the thousand year-old weapon of the Silver Fang Alphas. 

Relief flooded your chest all over again at the sight of it. Only Jin could have given him that sword—which meant he was still alive. 

The black wolves—Yoongi and Jungkook—snarled viciously but made no move to attack. 

Your captors were still scrambling into some sort of combat formation when Jimin finally spoke. 

“You have violated our sacred laws, trespassed in sovereign pack lands, kidnapped a Luna under the protection of our goddess, abducted the mate of the Silver Fang Alpha, and risked open war between our peoples.” He took a single step forward. “Surrender now and I will be merciful.”

The biggest of your captors—a man you recognized as the de facto leader—spat viciously on the ground. 

“You are not my Alpha,” he growled.

A cold—almost cruel—smile twisted over Jimin’s lips.

“Very well.”

Then he dropped to one knee and a massive grey wolf—Taehyung—leapt over his head and tore out the defiant leader’s throat before he even hit the ground. 

Your mouth dropped open. 

Bangtan formation.

Yoongi and Jungkook lunged forward in opposite directions, tackling their targets to the forest floor in a bloody clash of teeth and claws. 

One of the larger Iron Claw alphas half-shifted and charged Jimin but his arm shot out lightning fast, catching his attacker by the throat to send him flying through the air into a tree. 

The next several minutes could only be described as terrifyingly beautiful.

It was immediately clear that Jimin had been holding back when he fought Namjoon. 

He dispatched his opponents with such elegant savagery it was almost art.

You were so mesmerized watching Jimin sensually sword dance his way through a dozen alphas nearly twice his size that you almost missed Taehyung’s wolf rushing over with a dagger clenched between his teeth. 

Luna are you okay? 

You grinned and held up your rope-bound wrists. 

“I’ll be better once you pass me that knife.”

Taehyung nodded once and dropped the blade at your feet before tackling another wolf that was tearing towards the two of you. 

You sawed through the ties around your ankle first then twisted your arms to try and slice through the restraints on your wrist. 

The Iron Claw wolves were clearly no match for Jimin and his alphas. 

Jungkook and Yoongi chased after the few who were trying to run while Taehyung half-shifted to subdue the handful of wolves left alive as prisoners. Only Jimin continued to fight as the last three of your captors still standing took turns being slammed into the dirt by his strikes. 

He was clearly capable of dispatching them, but you were fairly convinced that you would die if you had to stay away from him for another second. The ropes, however, were surprisingly thick and the angle you were cutting them at wasn’t the best. If only—

You were almost free when you saw it. 

One of your captors had pulled a hunting javelin from their supply wagon. He must have hid himself at the onset of the fight, but now he was comfortably concealed by the shadows—and taking aim at Jimin. 

Your heart dropped into your stomach. 

The attacker appeared to handle the weapon with familiarity. He was too far back—too well hidden—Jimin would never see him in time—

The last cord around your wrist snapped and you were on your feet, pushing through the combined haze of fury and sedatives to charge the wolf who dared attack your mate. 

By the time he saw you it was far too late. 

Under the effects of the drug your aim was a little skewed but you weren’t Kim Seokjin’s cousin for nothing. 

One clean flick of your wrist and the dagger shot through the air, burying itself between the brute’s shoulder blades—all the way to the hilt. 

His body fell to the ground just as Jimin sent the last of your captors careening into a pile of previously defeated foes. 

For a moment all was quiet. 

Then your eyes locked across the distance and everything around you sharpened to a single whispered word. 

“Jimin.”

He had run non-stop for miles and torn apart a dozen wolves to get to your side—no amount of space between you now was tolerable. 

The sword clattered to the forest floor as he moved toward you—desperate to feel you—to wrap himself around you and know that you were safe. 

What happened next was as natural as breathing.

You opened to him and he lifted you into his arms, taking your lips in a hot unrepentant kiss. 

Fire exploded across your senses, burning away everything but the touch and taste of him. Every part of you was at once fiercely and gloriously alive. Desperate moans passed between you as he licked into your mouth—a dark primal promise of the pleasure he would take between your thighs. 

“Alpha,” you whimpered, too delirious with want to manage anything else. 

Suddenly Jimin’s eyes shot open. His hands flew to cup your face, searching it with a mixture of realization and disbelief.

“You… It was you.”

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[likeshipsonthesea]

mianmian gets to the lan sect lectures, discovers very quickly that every one of her peers has decided to use this time to figure out how quickly they can get into bed with someone of the opposite sex, and decides almost immediately that she has to pick a suitably unattainable guy to have a crush on.

the thing is, mianmian is lanling jin’s head disciple. she is capable, intelligent, and very very gay. the last of these things she isn’t exactly keen on telling people yet for a variety of reasons up to and including jin zixuan will be so awkward and stubbornly supportive about it and she doesn’t know how to deal with that yet

so when her friends giggle over the other young masters and finally turn to mianmian-- who’s trying to memorize at least some of the fifty-thousand rules before their quiz tomorrow--and they ask her, “who do you like, mianmian?” she says the name that she carefully picked out of a handful of options.

“lan-er-gongzi,” she says, without looking up from her textbook, and she assumes that will be the end of it. 

lan wangji is both incredibly attractive and unrelentingly resistant to all attempts to flirt with him. she, like half the other female cultivators, can moon over him (or pretend to moon over him) all they want and nothing will come of it. it’s perfect. she’s a genius. the worst she’ll have to do now is pretend to be infatuated with him when her friends start gossiping. it’s fool proof.

spoiler: it’s not

it’s not, no, because her friends are horrible and immediately start gossiping about it to everyone, and usually mianmian wouldn’t care but then jin zixuan finds out. jin zixuan, whose marriage complex is being brought to center stage with the forced proximity to his bride-to-be. jin zixuan, who for some reason decided he has to live his stolen crush-addled youth vicariously through his only real friend that isn’t related to him. jin zixuan, who for some godforsaken reason takes it upon himself to contrive situations for mianmian and lan wangji to be alone together incessantly.

it unfortunately takes mianmian longer than she would like to figure out what’s happening. she’d give herself a break for it-- she was being responsible and studying, thank you very much-- but she doesn’t have much sympathy for her own stupidity seeing as she’s currently locked in a section of the lan library with the second jade of lan

and suddenly, suddenly she’s just so fucking tired. of studying, yeah, the tests here are brutal and there’s no one to bribe to make sure she doesn’t lose points on stupid things, but also tired of lying to the people she loves and tired of training this hard and being an amazing cultivator only for people to care more about her eventual marriage-- to a man of all things!-- and also, let’s be real here, she’s been in lectures with beautiful capable intelligent women for like months and she’s losing her gay ass mind

and so maybe, possibly, as she’s locked in a library with a clearly confused and annoyed second jade of lan she kind of, momentarily, loses it and rants all of this at his steadily widening eyes

at the end of it, she realizes with no small amount of panic that she’s just confessed not only her attraction to women but the fact that she’s been letting wen qing’s ears of all things distract her from her studies. if anything, she’s sure lan wangji will fault her for inattention

but the second jade of lan, after a drawn-out moment filled only with mianmian’s labored breathing and rising panic, simply says, “i understand.”

mianmian stops. she squints. she tilts her head. she squints some more. lan wangji’s ears go pink and just like that she realizes -- “you’re a cut-sleeve.”

lan wangji’s ears go even pinker. he doesn’t nod, or agree, or outwardly react in any way, but mianmian is a capable, intelligent cultivator, and she’s sure of it.

mianmian sighs with a relief she didn’t know she could feel. “thank the gods.”

lan wangji doesn’t seem to know what to make of this response, or mianmian’s increasingly frequent trips to the library following their conversation, or mianmian’s staunch determination to befriend the guy, but that’s alright. mianmian is old hat at befriending awkward sect heirs by this point.

it’s not like lan wangji expressed any desire for her friendship, but the prospect of not being the only one with absolutely no interest in the straight shenanigans happening at gusu lan summer camp is enough to let mianmian ignore his obvious confusion. lan wangji is a great listener and only sometimes blushes when mianmian waxes poetic about the beautiful women she’s forced to surround herself with every day

“no but you don’t understand,” mianmian insists, alone in the library with lan wangji, “jiang-guniang asked me to help her with a sword form. i put my hands on her waist. i said something idiotic bc she was so pretty and right there and then she laughed. lan wangji. i’m in love.”

“yesterday you were in love with wen-guniang,” lan wangji says as he impassively turns a page in his book. “has this changed?”

“no, i’m in love with both of them. all of them. lan wangji. they’re all so pretty all the time. it’s horrible.”

lan wangji presses his lips into a firmer line, which mianmian’s come to understand means he’s repressing a smile. “i’m sorry to hear it brings luo-guniang such trouble.”

mianmian groans, fairly undignified, but that’s a lost cause with lan wangji at this point anyway. “i swear, if jin zixuan says one more bad thing about her i’m going to punch him and marry her myself.”

lan wangji says, “mn,” which mianmian takes to mean that he supports her in this line of thinking, which she finds both quite sweet and ridiculously funny.

grinning, she teases, “lan-er-gongzi, if i do end up marrying jiang-guniang, will you bear witness to our elopement?”

lan wangji’s lips press again, this time in the way that means he’s repressing a frown. “jiang-guniang’s brothers wouldn’t allow for an elopement,” he says.

mianmian huffs. “as if yunmeng or lanling will deign to host our wedding.”

lan wangji appears to ponder this for a moment before he says, “gusu will host it,” and it’s at that moment that mianmian realizes she’s actually gone and fucking befriended the second jade of lan.

what is her life.

of course, it’s not long after that that she goes to find jin zixuan and explain that she can’t make their weekly sparring match today because she has plans with lan wangji (jiang yanli tenderly brushed some of mianmian’s hair away from her forehead while they were working on sword forms and if mianmian doesn’t tell someone about it she’s literally going to explode) and she’s trying to be as polite as possible only for jin zixuan to scoff and pout (”i don’t pout”) and say, “i never took you for one of those women who throw themselves so wantonly at a man”

it’s only for having been friends with this absolutely horrible communicator for most of her life that she doesn’t immediately punch him in the face. “what did you just say to me,” she demands, but jin zixuan just sets his jaw and looks away, flushing down his neck in the way his mother describes as unbecoming and--

and mianmian suddenly realizes that her ridiculous best friend is jealous of lan wangji. 

(in a friend way, of course, he’s like her brother, the one time his mother implied that he ought not get too close to women in case it jeopardizes his betrothal to jiang yanli, he insisted he didn’t have any female friends repeatedly as his mother delicately danced around outright saying mianmian’s name until finally she broke and jin zixuan was basically like huh?? mianmian doesn’t count?? she made me eat dirt like six times when we were kids)

the sheer ridiculousness of jin zixuan, to set her up with a guy and then get jealous when she spends all her time with him

and fuck her, but she loves her stupid awkward ridiculous sect heir best friend and she doesn’t want him to think she’s gone and left him for someone else (gods know jin zixuan’s loyalty complex rivals his marriage one (on second thought the two might be connected)) and so, after making a few quick decisions, mianmian grabs her stupid best friend by the wrist and pulls him to the library

he protests all the way there, but he’s been letting her drag him wherever she wants since they were five and it isn’t as if he’s going to break the pattern now. she drags him to the library and sits him down across a startled lan wangji and then finally breaks and gushes about jiang-guniang’s fingertips brushing her forehead and doesn’t look at jin zixuan once the whole time

lan wangji, on the other hand, sends jin zixuan frequent glances, as if worried on mianmian’s behalf, which is super sweet and also how the fuck did mianmian get two awkward sect heirs to care about her platonically wtf. she spares a thought for her poor auntie, who would’ve loved to have a sect heir care about her niece in much less platonic ways.

at the end of mianmian’s rant, jin zixuan is blinking quite a lot. “you like women?” he asks. he’s always been a bit slow on the uptake. mianmian nods. “you like jiang-guniang?”

mianmian shrugs. “more or less. she’s just really pretty and i’m dying about it. it’s fine.”

lan wangji says, “mn,” sympathetically and jin zixuan continues to gape.

mianmian winces. “you’re not going to be weird about this, are you?”

jin zixuan shakes his head quickly. “no, no-- of course not, i--you know that i--you’re my best friend, i don’t care--what does it matter to me, who you want to--to touch your hair.”

it’s probably the most awkward sentence he’s said to her in years, but possibly more articulate than she’d been expecting. it makes her tear up regardless and she punches him in the shoulder to hide it, and that’s basically how the three of them start hanging out in the library nearly every day after lecture.

sometimes they go to the sparring ground, bc who’s better sparring practice than the second jade of lan? and sometimes (once or twice) mianmian manages to convince lan wangji to join her and jin zixuan for lunch in caiyi town when they don’t have lecture, but mostly they meet in a secluded part of the library where mianmian can rant about how pretty all the women at lectures are, jin zixuan can turn pink whenever she mentions jiang-guniang, and lan wangji can “mn” and nod sympathetically at all the right parts

and mianmian thinks that’s going to be the end of it, they’re just going to be friends now and everything else will move on as usual, bc by some ridiculous trick of fate lan wangji and jin zixuan seem to like each other. which makes sense in hindsight bc they’re both awkward sect heirs who care about cultivation and people a lot even if they’re not great at showing it 

(and he’d never say it but mianmian thinks jin zixuan’s easy acceptance of her liking women is probably the first time lan wangji’s ever seen someone accept that kind of thing before (maybe, possibly, other than his brother, lan xichen seems really cool, even if he does smile kind of intensely at mianmian whenever he happens upon her hanging out with his little brother.))

so they’re friends, they’re unexpected friends, and sometimes lan wangji even makes jokes in that dry deadpan way of his and sometimes jin zixuan doesn’t completely trip over his own words and manages to act like a normal human being and mianmian gets two idiots to care about and a perfect place to vent her womanly frustrations, and she thinks that’s the end of it and then wei wuxian accosts her after lectures one day

“do you like lan zhan?” he asks accusingly, eyes narrowed to slits. “what am i even asking, of course you like lan zhan, but do you like-like him?”

mianmian thinks sadly to herself that she’s much too into women to be dealing with all these men’s emotional problems. “lan wangji is my friend,” she says, carefully sidestepping wei wuxian, who continues to squint at her suspiciously. really, he’d been amusing when he flirted with her, but this? this is just ridiculous.

“does he know that?” wei wuxian asks. “because if he doesn’t, that’s just leading him on, and it’s really not nice to--”

“lan wangji knows we’re friends,” she says, trying to enunciate to get her point across clearly. “you can ask him, if you don’t believe me.”

wei wuxian squints a moment longer before he turns and flounces off. mianmian thinks this is the end of it until she’s accosted again after dinner with, “he said you were friends!”

for some reason, wei wuxian seems even more troubled by this than earlier. mianmian tries to suppress her eyeroll. “i told you he would?”

“but how,” wei wuxian says, suddenly whining. “i’ve been trying to be his friend for months and he refuses to acknowledge me.”

oh, mianmian realizes with a quickly dawning horror. she and lan wangji are not the only cut-sleeves at cloud recesses this summer. (she has suspicions, of course, but no confirmations on any of the others, but this. wow.)

she also realizes, decides really, that she has enough repressed sect heirs in her life and she cannot deal with wei wuxian’s cut-sleeve crisis or his evidently large attachment to lan wangji right now. she turns decisively and walks the fuck away. not her problem.

the lectures end eventually, of course, and mianmian and jin zixuan return to lanling with a horde of golden robed disciples, freshly deflowered and not all together more learned. it’s what, she thinks grimly, their sect leader would want.

the first few weeks go by and she realizes that she’s missed unloading about her frequent and fast falling-in-loves. jin zixuan just doesn’t sympathize right, bless him, and so mianmian takes to writing letters. she sends two without receiving a reply and just starts to write the third when a letter with the gusu symbol is delivered to her room.

she’s almost expecting to find a single mn written on the page-- she would’ve been delighted with just that, actually, the sheer hilarity of such a thing-- but instead she finds several pages filled with lan wangji’s perfect calligraphy.

it’s more than he’s ever spoken out loud, but it seems that propriety dictated that he return mianmian’s extensive letter with one of his own and he’s done so admirably. he responds to the events mianmian detailed in her letters-- most succinctly summarized as, woman are gorgeous and i’m dying-- and then writes about his own life in cloud recesses. apparently, he went on a little night hunt with wei wuxian and also nie huaisang and jiang cheng were involved? seriously, mianmian misses out on all the fun.

he’s also apparently taken in some rabbits, which mianmian immediately decides she needs to see. lan wangji, sitting prim and proper, with a bunch of rabbits in his lap? amazing. wei wuxian would die on sight, she’s sure of it.

he also ends his letter with a warning about qishan wen that has mianmian frowning. she takes it to jin zixuan who reads the paragraph and frowns. “i’ll talk to my father about it,” he says, which she can tell by his hunched shoulders he doesn’t expect to do much.

“talk to your father’s general too,” she suggests, because that man at least thinks with his head and not his dick.

jin zixuan nods but doesn’t hand back the letter. he skims it instead with a barely concealed surprise at lan wangji’s previously hidden expansive vocabulary. mianmian snorts and grabs the letter back. “you can write to him yourself, you know.”

jin zixuan flushes down his neck. “i know!” he insists and then turns and runs away because he’s a coward. mianmian shakes her head, smiling. what an idiot.

still, another week goes by and a letter arrives from gusu and, when mianmian takes it, assuming it’s for her, she finds it addressed to jin zixuan in lan wangji’s impeccable calligraphy and she grins to herself like an idiot. look at jin zixuan, making friends

(she suddenly understands why lan xichen gave her all those intense smiles during the lan lectures)

they go on in this way, writing letters to lan wangji from lanling. sometimes mianmian steals jin zixuan’s letters before he sends them so she can squeeze in some ranting in the post script without wasting a whole second thing of paper, and lan wangji replies dutifully, more verbose than he ever was in person, and it’s nice okay, like. she and jin zixuan have been best friends since they were kids but neither of them has ever been any good at listening and lan wangji is just so honest and earnest in everything, like they didn’t realize that people outside of lanling were actually not always plotting your downfall??? who woulda thunk

and then of course the wens go and ruin everything. they go to the wen lectures bc jin guangshan doesn’t want to “anger our trading partner” like the guy isn’t obviously going to burn carp tower to the ground the first chance he gets, and mostly mianmian and jin zixuan are just vaguely annoyed and put out about it

then lan wangji shows up with a broken leg and a burned sect and they are ready to murder some dudes

after years of breaking in and out of carp tower she and jin zixuan are old hats at this breaking and entering stuff and they manage to sneak into lan wangji’s guest quarters and tend to his wounds, ignoring all his silent glares and ranting furiously about how they’re going to murder wen chao by making him choke on his own dick (mianmian) and how they’re going to war with the wen sect even if he has to threaten his father with acknowledging all of his bastards as proper siblings in public to do it (jin zixuan)

lan wangji just says “mn” and makes various muted, distressed expressions, but mianmian thinks he’s touched.

“are your brother and uncle alright?” she asks, when she’s set his broken leg and forced pain medication down his throat.

“brother escaped with our sacred texts,” lan wangji says. “uncle is... unwell.”

mianmian knows lan wangji hates touch but the way he says it, with this horrible little frown, emoting more than she’s ever seen him, his barely suppressed anger and grief literally making his hands shake into fists, mianmian can’t help it, she hugs him. “we’ll make them pay,” she swears into his shoulder, ruining the lines of his robes with how she clutches at them. “i promise you.”

jin zixuan awkwardly pats lan wangji’s shoulder, which is a lot for him and mianmian spares a moment to be proud of his growth.

unfortunately, wen chao seems to delight in torturing lan wangji on his injured leg and lan wangji refuses to show weakness, which both impresses mianmian and pisses her the fuck off. she approaches wen qing (and her still gorgeous ears, sigh) and asks her to tend to lan wangji, since she’s like actually a doctor. wen qing does bc she’s beautiful, intelligent, and kind and mianmian spends most of that night sighing deeply as she relates this to a significantly drugged lan wangji

the cave of the xuanwu goes about the same as you’d expect. wei wuxian saving her from getting her face branded off is pretty rad of him, though he could’ve just like knocked the brand away instead of throwing himself in front of it but whatever, you do you boo. when lan wangji gets left behind the two of them don’t even have to wait for jiang cheng to grumble and ask for their help, they’re already on their way to carp tower for an army, thank you very much

when they rescue wei wuxian and lan wangji and lan wangji immediately turns to walk back to cloud recesses on a broken leg mianmian says, “fuck no, that’s not happening, you’re getting medical attention and then someone will fly you back home, okay, wtf wangji, sit down.”

and lan wangji is a stubborn bitch so obvs he’s like no but he’s also severely starved, dehydrated, and injured, so it’s not like he can just shake off mianmian holding him down and this goes on long enough for wei wuxian to wake up and see mianmian touching lan wangji, and something in his poor little brain just like breaks and he demands says, “lan zhan, come back to lotus pier with us.”

his argument, as he explains it, is that lotus pier is closer (it’s not; they’re just as close to carp tower as lotus pier) and that it’s closer to gusu for when lan wangji has to return home (it’s not; same deal) but then jiang cheng starts yelling, possibly in support possibly not mianmian’s not sure, and jin zixuan starts getting awkward, probably about the whole golden army behind him bc he’s a nerd and hates being overdressed at functions (this is basically the same thing), and mianmian looks at lan wangji and she sees--

something. she isn’t sure what exactly, but lan wangji looks at wei wuxian as he argues with his brother and he presses his lips into a thin line in the way that means he wants to smile and mianmian thinks, oh. maybe wei wuxian isn’t completely unrequited in his lan wangji obsession.

growing up in lanling, she knows how to use information to her advantage, so she immediately says, “young masters wei and jiang, what a great idea. lanling’s disciples would be pleased to accompany you and second young master lan to lotus pier to ensure everyone’s safe arrival.”

everyone splutters, indignant, confused, awkward (jiang cheng, wei wuxian, and jin zixuan, respectively) but lan wangji narrows his eyes at mianmian and doesn’t try to convince her to let him walk to gusu again, so she counts it as a win.

sect leader jiang and his wife seem surprised and annoyed, respectively, to be taking in so many guests, but sect leader jiang merely smiles pleasantly and directs them to some guest quarters and mianmian and wei wuxian ask, simultaneously, for doctors to tend to lan wangji and wei wuxian makes a face at her and mianmian sighs to herself that she really is too gay to be in the middle of his thing with lan wangji.

turns out, walking a lot and fighting a cannibalistic turtle on a broken leg doesn’t do wonders for healing. lan wangji is also the worst patient ever, he keeps trying to sneak out and get up even though word came from his brother that he’s safe and alright and that cloud recesses is starting to rebuild after qinghe nie and lanling jin came to its aid and pushed out the wen

but with the combined efforts of mianmian, jin zixuan, and wei wuxian (and even jiang yanli at one point, bc who could say no to her soup??) they manage to get lan wangji to just rest for a fucking second, really which results in the jin disciples and lan wangji staying in lotus pier for longer than anyone could’ve expected

mianmian spends most of her time (when she isn’t forcing lan wangji to just fucking stay in bed) working with the jiang disciples, practicing archery, sword forms, and mooning after all the beautiful women here.

(”lan wangji, i know she’s scary, but have you seen madam yu? she could whip me with zidian and i’d thank her” “luo-guniang, please don’t ask madam yu to whip you” OR “lan wangji, i’m almost positive madam yu’s maids are a thing, do you think they’d let me join them just like once” “luo-guniang, could you please pass me my sword?” “why” “i’d like to put myself out of this misery” OR “she made me soup. lan wangji. lan wangji, i know you’re not sleeping, wake up, you have to listen to me, this soup”)

they end up staying so long that when wang lingjiao shows up threatening a child about a kite while sect leader jiang is away, she has a lot more to deal with than madam yu. since none of this had been a “sanctioned visit” no one actually knew that there was nearly an entire troop of jin disciples staying at lotus pier, so when the wens attack they are sorely unprepared for what they’re going to face.

(and ofc lan wangji breaks out of bed heroically and keeps madam yu from whipping wei wuxian, which means they aren’t down one of their most powerful fighters and mianmian has to suffer through the moon eyes they’re making at one another in the middle of a battle no less, she knew wei wuxian had no shame but she’d been hoping lan wangji would have some)

after the wen attack (and defeat) on lotus pier and the jin’s inarguable part in it, the war starts in earnest. lan wangji, after his long rest, heals fine and goes back to gusu to help rebuild his sect and plan for war, and mianmian and jin zixuan return to carp tower to plan as well, ignoring jin guangshan and focusing instead on his general to ensure lanling supplies necessary aid in the war effort

and war is always shitty, of course, and mianmian hates watching her sect family die on the battlefield, hates waiting for updates after every battle to see who’s still alive, hates the politics and jin guangshan trying to wheedle his way out of fighting when there’s fucking lives on the line

(and she could never know, how much easier it is, with yunmeng jiang at its full strength, with one of the brightest minds of their generation there to plot and help, with two of the best fighters not out searching for someone and instead focused on the front)

they reach nightless city after months of fighting and mianmian is ready to just fucking stab wen ruohan herself when they’re suddenly trapped. blocked in on all sides by puppets, their fallen soldiers rising again to turn on them, and it--it looks like they’re gonna die.

“this sucks,” she says to lan wangji, stifling her fear and choking it down. “i never even got to kiss a girl.”

lan wangji just says “mn.”

jin zixuan, beside them, says, “i was an idiot about jiang-guniang.”

lan wangji just says, “mn.”

then wei wuxian pulls out a fucking flute and a-- floating piece of metal?  the army of puppets and corpses stops advancing, held in place by-- music, apparently? and wen ruohan emerges from his lair, black energy falling off him in waves, wei wuxian the idiot flies forward to meet him, gets wen ruohan’s hand around his throat for his trouble.

lan wangji yells, “wei ying!” and mianmian thinks, really not fair that lan wangji is gonna get a boyfriend before i get a girlfriend

and then wen ruohan gets stabbed by jin zixuan’s half brother of all people. wen ruohan, along with his puppets and wei wuxian, fall to the ground. lan wangji rushes forward to catch wei wuxian, mianmian runs after him, finds herself in company with jin zixuan and jiang cheng. when they get there, wei wuxian is barely conscious but he’s-- he’s fucking grinning up at lan wangji from the cradle of lan wangji’s arms

“lan zhan,” he says, “you caught me.”

lan wangji nods, says, “mn,” which is basically his equivalent of i’ll always catch you, wei ying.

“really,” mianmian says aloud, “it’s so unfair.”

the aftermath of the war is more annoying than the war itself, what with all the politics and in-fighting and jin guangshan trying to be the biggest dick there ever was. jin guangshan tries to name himself chief cultivator in wen ruohan’s stead but nie mingjue suggests jiang fengmian instead and the lan sect backs him. jin guangshan tries to demonize the wens but at wei wuxian’s loud rebuttal and sect leader jiang’s backing (which is then backed by both gusu lan and qinghe nie) he’s once again shouted down. and then jin guangshan tries to propose to jiang-guniang for his son and the poor woman just seems so awkward and her father doesn’t seem to know what to say and--

mianmian elbows jin zixuan whose eyes widen ridiculously but, after another, harder hit, he suddenly stands. all eyes go to him, which mianmian knows he hates, but he bows to his father, then jiang yanli, and says, “jiang-guniang, forgive my father’s impertinence. this is not the time or place to be making such an offer, but he--” jin zixuan winces visibly. “--he knows of my feelings and wishes to make his foolish son happy. please, do not feel the need to respond.”

then he promptly sits down, flushing down to his neck, and mianmian shares a disbelieving glance with lan wangji from across the horrible nightless city palace room.

she’d really only meant for him to suggest jiang yanli answer privately, at a later time, but wow, jin zixuan really went for it. also no way jin guangshan knows his son has fallen in love with jiang yanli, so nice save face there. maybe he has been paying attention in all of their etiquette and political espionage classes.

jiang yanli flushes way prettier than jin zixuan and nods politely, stands and bows and thanks the jin clan for being considerate in this time of turmoil, perhaps they can discuss this matter at a later date (jin zixuan looks like he nearly faints at this, and mianmian feels vindicated in all her forlorn ranting. overreacting her ass)

when everything has been settled, wen qing has been appointed the new sect leader of qishan wen with promises to return land to those who lost it and pay reparations to the hurt civilians, as well as have the yin iron destroyed for good. during the final ceremony where all the sects have tea and pledge to be loyal to one another (until the next great war, of course) mianmian leans close to lan wangji and sighs, “her ears look even lovelier with her hair tied back by her new sect leader hairpiece.”

lan wangji says “mn” because he’s a cut sleeve in love with wei wuxian and has nothing even closely resembling taste.

mianmian, on her own, decides to make them both happy. before the jin clan departs from nightless city, she goes up to wei wuxian and asks for a moment of his time. wei wuxian seems confused but follows and, once they’re alone, he says, “mianmian, are you about to get me into bed, because i must tell you that i am a respectable young cultivator and you’ll need to marry me before--”

mianmian gives him her best unimpressed look (she’s had much practice with it, thank you jin zixuan) and cuts him off with, “i like women.” 

wei wuxian’s eyes go wide. “but you and lan zhan--”

she cuts him off again before he can say something so stupid she has to stop talking to him to refrain from breaking all laws of propriety. “look,” she says, “you’re friends with wen qing. now that she’s sect leader, your brother can’t go after her. i, on the other hand, very much can. if you promise to figure out a way for me and her to get close, i’ll tell you a secret you’ll like very much.”

wei wuxian seems hesitant for all of half a second before he breaks. “tell me.”

“do you promise?”

wei wuxian raises three fingers. “promise.”

“on your sister’s life?”

begrudgingly, wei wuxian nods.

“on her soup?”

“just get on with it!”

mianmian smirks, pushes onto her tiptoes, and whispers the secret into wei wuxian’s ear. with that, she returns to the pavilion where all the sects mingle as they wait to depart, wei wuxian trailing behind her in a daze, his mouth hanging open.

lan wangji, who had been watching since mianmian asked wei wuxian for a moment to talk, frowns nearly imperceptibly. mianmian grins at him and his frown grows.

ah, whatever. she walks over to him, unbothered by the quickly growing alarm in his eyes. once next to him, she turns around to see wei wuxian staring unabashedly. her smile only widens.

“you’re going to thank me for this,” she says.

wei wuxian shakes himself, his eyes focusing, and immediately starts walking towards them.

lan wangji, voice flat but wavering, asks, “luo-guniang, what did you do?”

mianmian laughs, says, “i get to give a speech at your wedding,” and walks away just as wei wuxian reaches them.

(she does, actually, give a speech at their wedding. she may or may not be drunk during it, jin zixuan gets embarrassed for her, and she starts tearing up and has to hide it in the shoulder of her wife’s lovely well-tailored robes. it’s alright, though, wen qing doesn’t mind)

EDIT: now on AO3 with a real fic version from lwj’s pov!

#the untamed #lan wangji #luo qingyang #jin zixuan #wangxian #wei wuxian #wen qing #fix it au #ramble fic #sort of fic #my writing #i don't know how to tag for a new fandom ugh #i genuinely considered not posting this #and trying to write a real fic for it #but i like how this turned out and i figure #i can always write the real fic later #hope this isn't too horribly ooc idk i'm still working on characterization #also i guess this is a mild au where mianmian is a lesbian but idc #we stan wlw mlm solidarity in this house #and lesbians choosing unattainable men to 'have crushes' on #basically we stan mianmian

[castiellesbian]

i feel like i need a glossary of terms or a contact list for all these people involved with the show. i have shit memory and dont pay attention to the credits who is sera (sara??) and why does everyone hate her!! why is he Bobo!!!!!! please... has anyone posted about this im desperate

lol well including everyone involved with the show would be difficult, but I’ll give you some highlights

Eric Kripke: creator of Supernatural, showrunner for seasons 1-5. People have differing opinions about him but general people enjoyed his run and he’s considered the best showrunner in the series overall. Not much to say because there’s a lot to say lmao (notable episodes: “Pilot,” “Lazarus Rising,” and “Swan Song”)

Sera Gamble: writer who was involved from the beginning of the show, became showrunner after Kripke left. Her seasons, 6 and 7, are typically regarded as the weakest seasons. She was a huge brothers-only supporter, and was responsible for Misha being written out of the show (as well as Jim Beaver, Bobby) in order to get the show to just be about the brothers again. There’s a lot of drama regarding her treatment of Misha/Cas, but more recently she’s known for the Magicians debacle, a horrendous example of the Bury Your Gays trope. She’s also involved with (the showrunner of?) You on Netflix. She was a pretty good writer, but overall fans dislike her because of her showrunning tenure (notable episodes: “Faith” with Raelle Tucker, “Death’s Door,” “The Born-Again Identity”)

Jeremy Carver: writer from season 3 that was promoted to showrunner from seasons 8 through.... some time in 12, the timeline has been a little murky to me. He was the one who brought Cas back into the main plot, as well as allowing the deancas storyline to become genuine subtext (we can argue whether it was queerbaiting or what he was intending to do if he had been running the series finale, but yeah). Unfortunately, he was also the showrunner when Charlie was killed off brutally, which dampens his legacy. People are conflicted about his seasons, but generally he’s looked upon favorably (not related, but the picture that comes up when you search him on google is NOT him, he’s really like a typical white nerdy looking dude lol) (notable episodes: “The Rapture,” “Sacrifice,” “Do You Believe in Miracles?”)

Andrew Dabb: writer from season 4, promoted to showrunner during season 12 and is the last showrunner of Supernatural (he wrote the finale). He was well-liked by deancas fans for awhile because of how much screentime they were allowed to give, and because of the focus on extended/found family. Sam and Dean only fans didn’t like him for the same reasons. Unfortunately, HIS legacy has been marred by the awful series finale, though it’s debated whether that was his fault or because of network meddling. (notable episodes: “Dark Side of the Moon” with Daniel Loflin, “The Prisoner,” “Moriah”)

Robert Singer: executive producer since the beginning of the show (he’s also co-showrunner throughout Supernatural, but I don’t think he typically was involved with the plotlines too often). He’s directed quite a few episodes, including the infamous wire fight episode (s13 finale) as well as the series finale. Married to Eugenie Ross-Leming, writer of the show

Eugenie Ross-Leming/Brad Buckner: writing partners TECHNICALLY from season 1, but they only wrote one episode until they were brought back in season 7. They are regarded as the worst writers in all of Supernatural, responsible for tactless death scenes of fan-favorites (and typically minorities) like Kevin, Charlie, and Eileen. They also feature a gross amount of dubcon/noncon, racism, weird unnecessary sex stuff, and are SUPER into Lucifer for some unknown reason (they have a crush on Mark Pellegrino I guess). They’re also just kind of bad writers in general, their pacing is weird and their plots convoluted. To be fair, though, they have written some good moments, like Dean trying to reach Cas in Hell’s Angel and Dean’s confessional scene in Paint It Black. But overall, they suck. Why are they still on the show even though BOTH sides of the fandom (who never agree on ANYTHING) dislike them? Well, because Eugenie is married to Singer. Nepotism. (notable episodes, the ones I can stand to watch lmao: “Holy Terror,” “Hell’s Angel,” “Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven”)

Ben Edlund: writer from season 2 who left after season 8, but people STILL talk about him simply because he is arguably the strongest writer of the series. Cas fans particularly like him because he did most of the heavy-lifting regarding Cas’ characterization. He also wrote the famous bi!Dean scene with Aaron in season 8, where Dean is flustered after being flirted with. (notable episodes: “On the Head of a Pin,” “The French Mistake,” and my all-time favorite “The Man Who Would Be King”)

Robert “Bobo” Berens: writer from season 9, his first episode was “Heaven Can’t Wait,” which is all you really need to know about his influence on the deancas storyline. He’s also gay, so people particularly enjoy seeing how he approaches destiel in his episodes since it’s not just another straight guy potentially just catering to fans. He was also the one who was meant to go off and run Wayward Sisters, and is responsible for a lot of their development in recent seasons. I believe he also created Rowena? He wrote the episode this season where Cas confesses his love to Dean (along with other heavy deancas episodes like “The Trap”). Sam fans typically don’t like him because he doesn’t give him much focus. (notable episodes: “Heaven Can’t Wait,” “Who We Are,” “Wayward Sisters” with Andrew Dabb)

Steve Yockey: writer from season 12 through the beginning of season 15. Also gay, and also responsible for deancas moments in recent years. Generally loved for his deancas subtext but ALSO because he is an amazing writer who came out with iconic episodes. (notable episodes: “Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox,” “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets,” “Peace of Mind” with Meghan Fitzmartin)

Robbie Thompson: writer from seasons 7 through 11, and wrote some fan favorite episodes in the meantime. He is also the creator of fan favorite characters like Charlie and Eileen. He was also one of the few writers who was vocally supportive of destiel during his tenure rather than just later. I’m not implying anything about his intentions, but it was validating for him to encourage fans during a time where most of the cast/crew ignored or actively dismissed it. Plus his episodes are just fun! (notable episodes: “LARP and the Real Girl,” “Fan Fiction,” “Baby”)

Meredith Glynn: writer since season 12, has worked closely with Bobo during their seasons together. She and Bobo cowrote “The Future,” which is the mixtape episode, so she has been taken in by deancas fans haha. She also wrote the episode where Cas makes the deal with the Empty, so it’s pretty safe to say she and Bobo had worked on the deancas plotline together :) She’s also liked some deancas-related tweets on twitter, so she’s being subtly supportive (notable episodes: “Regarding Dean,” “The Future” with Robert Berens, “Byzantium”)

Davy Perez: writer since season 12 (a lot of the ones I’ve mentioned are, since this is when Dabb became showrunner and made changes in the writers room). His episodes tend to either be horror or bizarre. I mention him because he’s responsible for episodes like “Stuck in the Middle (With You)” (Cas’ first “I love you”) and “Tombstone” (aka Brokebacknatural lmao). I don’t know much about him otherwise, but that’s why he’s brought up usually (notable episodes: “Stuck in the Middle (With You),” “Tombstone,” “Atomic Monsters”)

hopefully this helps, and hopefully I didn’t forget about anyone major. There have been a LOT of people behind the scenes so it’s hard to say who to include. Like, I didn’t mention Jerry Wanek, Jim Michaels, Kim Manners, Thomas J. Wright, or others who might be mentioned from time to time.

#Anonymous #long post

[cocobeanncteez]

ATEEZ Hongjoong: Tame (Part 3)

Genre: Fluff, angst, smut, mafia au.

Pairing: Mafia!Hongjoong x OC (written in 2nd person)

Word Count: 17k in total, 5k in this part. (Part 1, Part 2, Final Part)

Warnings for all parts combined: Mafia themes such as torture, abuse, violence, human auctions, murder, drugs, guns. Mentions of rape, human trafficking, sex slavery, organ trafficking, unprotected sex, pulling out, facesitting.

Three weeks later, you could pretty much call yourself a member of a mafia gang. Well, that's what you were now even if you were in slight denial.

You spent a lot of time with Ateez. Hongjoong taught you how to shoot like a pro, Jongho taught you how to defend yourself if you don't have a weapon, and Yeosang and Seonghwa taught you medical related stuff such as removing a bullet from a body and treating a gunshot wound. Yeosang also taught you the basics of hacking, but you sucked at it. San, Wooyoung, and Aeji taught you how to seduce a target, and you nearly died of embarrassment when you had to practice with Wooyoung as the target. Jiwoo pretty much gave you some of her bubbliness while she and Yeoreum taught you a bit about illegal international business deals. The three girls also told you a hell lot about their sex lives when you all had a girls' night a few days ago. On the other hand, Yunho and Mingi were just playing 'tossing Kiah' (as they call it), which was literally just them throwing and catching you like as if you were a ball. The giants found it extremely fascinating that you were an entire foot shorter than them. Sometimes, they would use the top of your head as an armrest.

Hongjoong bought you a phone, but unfortunately, you couldn't log into any of your social media accounts, or even your email as your cousin and uncle were searching for you and the culprits who made your cousin unconscious the night he was going to sell you.

"Kiah, do want some orange juice?" Mingi asked you from the kitchen while he poured himself a glass. You nod your head and he poured some for you too. Yeosang was there as well, busy eating fried chicken.

"Hey, Kiah?" Mingi called out, making you look up at him. "You never really told us about your parents." He handed you your juice.

"My mother died when I was a newborn," you replied, sipping on your juice. "My father... well, I rarely saw him after he made me live with my uncle. Now no one has seen him in months." Both the boys noticed how sad you were when you spoke about your father. You really wanted to see him; you didn't even know whether he was dead or alive.

"What's your father's name and age?" Yeosang questioned. "I could track him or at least find out if he's all right."

"Moon Dongwoo and he's 49 years old," you answered with a small smile. "Thank you, Yeosang." 

~

After about three hours, Yeosang approached you while you were talking to Aeji and some of the boys. He sat on the couch adjacent to you after briefly greeting everyone.

"So I tried to track your father, Kiah," Yeosang stated nonchalantly. "And I found absolutely nothing."

Your eyebrows furrowed. "Huh? What do you mean?"

"There are zero records of him," Yeosang explained, "Like no bank or property details… To put it in simple words, it's like as if he doesn't exist."

You frowned. "So he's… d-dead?"

"Don't know," Yeosang shrugged. "There are no death records either. There were a couple of men with the same name as him, but no one was 49 years old."

You pondered about it for a while. Why would your dad erase all traces of his existence? Even if he didn't, someone else did. But why?

"Wait," you blurted out. "Did you check with the police station? My dad is a cop."

San, who was listening to the conversation, nearly chokes on the sprite that he was drinking. "Your dad is a cop and you're here, living in a mafia gang's house?!"

"I know right?!" Yunho said from beside him and you only shrug in response.

"I checked the police station as well," Yeosang remarked. "Still no records."

Your eyebrows furrowed. "That's just strange. He's a cop, there has to be at least something about him at the police station."

"Hey, don't worry about it, Kiah," Yeosang said in a soft tone, giving you a reassuring smile. "We'll find him."

-

The next day after you woke up, you found everyone seated in the living room, lost in deep thought. You quietly sat beside Jiwoo, wondering whether you should ask why everyone is so quiet.

"That's not a bad idea, actually," Wooyoung said after glancing at you while you stared at him in confusion. What idea was he talking about?

"Yeah, it's a terrible idea," Hongjoong retorted, glancing at you as well.

"Kiah," Mingi starts, grabbing your attention. "What do you think about attending a masquerade party?"

"You mean a mafia masquerade party?" you emphasized.  

"Of course," he replied.

"Ah, it's cool, I guess?" you said nonchalantly; you were getting used to the mafia life, and you'd be lying if you said that you didn't like it.

"It's settled then," San stated, getting up from the couch and stretching his arms. "Kiah is Hongjoong's date for the party."

"Knew it," Jongho murmured.

"No," Hongjoong protested. "A lot of people saw her face at the auction. It's a terrible idea."

"Well, it's a masquerade party hosted by our ally," Seonghwa remarked. "No one will try shit even if they recognize her."

"Plus, we're all going to be there. We can't leave Kiah alone here," Yeoreum added and Jiwoo nodded her head in agreement.

Hongjoong sighed. "Fine."

~

"You look gorgeous, Kiah!" Aeji squealed after doing your makeup. Yeoreum just finished doing Jiwoo's hair and started doing your hair.

"Hongjoong won't be able to keep his hands to himself," Yeoreum remarked with a smirk, making you blush.

"I'm surprised he hasn't made a move yet," Aeji said.

"We all know he wants to," Jiwoo mumbled while taking a mirror selfie.

You chuckled. "Nothing has happened yet."

"Yet?" Yeoreum teased you, curling a strand of your hair with the curling iron. "So you want something to happen, huh?"

“I—”

"You obviously do."

You playfully rolled your eyes at her. "Don't accidentally burn my hair, Yeoreum!" The girls laughed at the sight of you getting flustered 

"Kiah, what are you planning on wearing?" Aeji asked.

"The black cocktail dress."

"No, you're not wearing that," she protests. "Wear the red dress Jiwoo got you last week."

You raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"You'll see," she smirked.

~

After all of you got ready and slipped into your respective outfits, you went downstairs where the boys were waiting.

As soon as Hongjoong saw you, his lips parted slightly as he scanned you from head to toe. You were wearing a short, strapless red dress that fit your body perfectly, hugging your curves and exposing your highlighted collarbones. You wore silver wedges that matched the silver necklace around your neck. Your long hair was curled and your makeup was simple yet elegant.

"Hongjoong's favorite color is red, by the way. Thank me later," Aeji whispered to you, giving you a wink before she ran into Seonghwa's arms. So that's why she forced you to wear a red dress. You snorted at Aeji's words before your eyes landed on Hongjoong. He looked absolutely ethereal in his black ripped jeans and white t-shirt underneath the leather jacket he was wearing. You expected to see the guys in suits, considering it was a masquerade event, but it looked like you all were going to a club instead. Oh well, maybe this is how the mafia rolls.

You heard someone clear their throat. "Um, if you're both done eye-fucking each other, can we leave? We're getting late," San commented and Jiwoo laughed loudly at her boyfriend's words. The other eight already left and you wondered how you didn't even notice.

Hongjoong doesn't utter a word; he only approaches you and takes your hand in his, leading you to the garage. You, Hongjoong, Jiwoo, and San were riding in the same car.

San begun driving and the car was filled with Jiwoo gushing about how she loved going for Stray Kids' parties. San told you about how Wooyoung introduced Ateez to his friend, Changbin, and that's how Ateez met the rest of Stray Kids.

After a while, you reached Stray Kids' mansion. The exterior was lit up with blue and yellow lights.

Jiwoo handed you a pretty silver eye-mask and you put it on; Hongjoong wore a red mask, Jiwoo wore black, and San wore gold.

"Alright, let's party!" Jiwoo squealed, pulling San along with her, practically running inside.

Hongjoong wrapped an arm around your waist as he led you inside Stray Kids' mansion, scanning the crowd to see if he could find any of his allies.

"Ah, Hongjoong!" you heard someone say, catching your attention. Hongjoong's arm leaves your waist to hug that person.

"Chan! It's been so long, yeah?"

"Very," he agreed before glancing at you. "I see you've got yourself a girl."

Hongjoong chuckled. "This is Moon Kiah. Kiah, this is Bang Chan, the leader of Stray Kids." Chan stretched his hand out and you shake it.

While Hongjoong spoke to Chan, Jiwoo dragged you away to get a drink. You wondered how hyper she would be when drunk, considering the fact that she was already pretty hyper when sober.

Jiwoo got a couple of tequila shots and you only downed three.  "Only three?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," you answered with a small giggle. "I have very bad alcohol tolerance."

Jiwoo took her own shots before Wooyoung dragged the two of you to introduce you to the other members of Stray Kids. You were seriously shocked by how young and polite these men were, despite being in the mafia.

"So whose girl is she gonna be now?" Changbin asked.  

"She's Hongjoong's girl," Wooyoung answered, and you giggle at that, already a little drunk.

"Mhmm, yeah, I'm Hongjoong's girl, hi!" you squealed before realizing that Jiwoo suddenly wasn't there anymore. "Where's Jiwoo?" you pouted  

"Probably would've found someone to talk to or she's in some room with San," Wooyoung replied. "Anyway, let's get you to Hongjoong, little one."

"I'm here," you heard a familiar voice say behind you, making you jump a little before you turned around. "Kim Hongjoong, you…” you trailed off, admiring his face even though half of it was covered with the mask. "You're so fucking hot, like what the actual fuck?!"  Wooyoung and Changbin laughed loudly before they walked away, leaving you alone with a slightly stunned Hongjoong.

"How much did you drink, hmm?" Hongjoong asked, looking down at you with soft eyes. You gave him a loving smile while your arms moved to wrap around his neck.

"Three tequila," you mumbled before you suddenly squealed. The DJ started playing one of your favorite songs. "Dance with me," you whispered in Hongjoong's ear, pulling his body closer to yours.

Hongjoong danced with you for a little while, holding you close to his body so that you wouldn't trip and fall in your 5-inch heels. After the song ended, he pulled you to a less crowded area to sit on the sofas. Your heartbeat sped up when Hongjoong made you sit on his lap instead of the free space beside him. You wrapped an arm around his neck while your other hand ran through his soft hair.

"What's wrong with that guy?" you whispered in Hongjoong's ear, glancing at a green-masked guy who was sitting near you, all alone on the floor, staring at the ceiling with a huge smile.

"Probably took LSD," Hongjoong remarked after taking a quick glance at the man.

"Oh," you murmured. "He's a really bad boy. You shouldn't take drugs. Okay, pretty boy?" Hongjoong raised an eyebrow, amused by the tipsy side of you. He chuckled prettily in your ear, pulling you even closer to him.

"I don't do drugs, love." He places his cold hand on the skin right above your knee. "I'm a good boy," he whispered in a low tone. Hongjoong could clearly see how much he affected you.

"Liar," you whispered in his ear. You place a kiss right below his ear before trailing kisses along his jawline. You stopped at his chin and pulled away. When his eyes met yours, you leaned in, finally pressing your lips against his. He responded immediately, kissing you back like as if there was no tomorrow. You've never been kissed with such intensity before.  Hongjoong's hand that was just above your knee, began to move upwards. You weren't drunk, just tipsy, so you knew what was happening; you were starting to feel really excited as his hand went higher and higher.

You heard someone clear their throat. "Kim Hongjoong?"

Hongjoong halted his actions and pulled away from you to look up at the woman who interrupted him. She had orange colored hair and was wearing a dark blue eye mask.

"Oh? Royeon?" he got up from his seat, making you stand up along with him. He sounded a little excited, and that made you feel a little jealous. Who was she?

Royeon smirked. "New girl, huh?"

Hongjoong ignored her comment. "Kiah, this is my friend, Royeon."

She snorted. "Friend? I'm quite offended by that title, Joongie." she pouts a little before turning to you. "I'm his first love."

You kept a pokerface on. "That's nice. It’s a pleasure to meet you," you said nonchalantly, trying not to sound bothered about the fact that Hongjoong's first love was standing right in front of your face. She was giving you a bad vibe and you absolutely hated how she was undressing Hongjoong with her eyes. You couldn't deny that you had strong feelings for Kim Hongjoong and you were planning on telling him pretty soon.

You turned to Hongjoong with a small smile on your face. "I'm gonna go get a drink," you said, purposely giving him a kiss that lasted a little longer than it should before you left him alone with his previous lover.

You didn't get a drink. Instead, you went outside, exploring the lit up garden in Stray Kids' mansion. The mansion was a little smaller than Ateez's mansion, but was extremely beautiful nonetheless.

You walked to one of the trees that was lit up with blue lights, taking out your phone to take a few pictures of yourself.

"So Yang Daeyoung hasn't been spotted anywhere?" you heard someone say.

"No," another person replied. "He probably escaped to another country or died.”

"What about his child?" the first person asked.

"No one knows what he or she looks like. Anyway, we have to find Yang Daeyoung and his child before another gang does. I heard many gangs are still searching for him… especially Ateez and CIX. We need to get all that information before them."

You were suddenly really interested in whatever the two people were talking about. You mentally reminded yourself to ask one of the Ateez members about this Yang Daeyoung guy later.

"What's a pretty girl like you doing all alone here?" you heard someone say behind you, words slurred.

You turned to face the man who was in a green eye-mask. "Taking pictures as you can clearly see," you answered the clearly drunk man.

He smirked. "I'm Jinseop," he introduced. "And your attitude is really fucking turning me on, babygirl."

"I didn't ask," you stated, rolling your eyes.

He took a step towards you and you didn't move an inch. "You know," he starts, placing a hand on your shoulder while he towered over you. "I heard Stray Kids have a few spare rooms here. How about we go upstairs and—"

"Get your fucking hands off her."

Jinseop rolled his eyes, not even glancing at the person.

"Now," the person growled. He froze when he finally realized who was talking to him.

"O-Oh, I'm sorry," he apologized and quickly walked away, leaving you quite stunned.

"Wow, Kim Hongjoong," you remark in amusement after a few seconds. "You scared someone."

Hongjoong doesn't say anything. He only walked towards you, and you involuntarily took a step back, making your back press against the cold surface of a wall. Hongjoong towered over your short height and you could tell he loved how small you looked next to him.

He cupped your cheek with one hand and places his lips against yours, gently kissing you before trailing kisses down to your neck. Your hands immediately went up to grab his hair while he started to suck and kiss the skin of your neck, making you moan softly. He smirked against your skin, absolutely loving how he was the one who was making you feel good. He brought his lips back to yours, kissing you a little harder than before while his hands moved down to your ass, grabbing it through the fabric of your dress. You gasped at his actions and he takes that opportunity to slide his tongue in your mouth. He pulled away after a few seconds.

"You're all mine, Moon Kiah."

-

Hongjoong led you back inside and you immediately spot his ex-girlfriend who was trying to hit on an unbothered Yunho.

"Yunho," Hongjoong called out and the man looked at him. Royeon's attention was also now on the two of you. "Where are the rest? We have to leave soon."

"I have no clue," Yunho answered.  "Yeoreum just took Mingi to the bathroom. The man drank way too much."

You noticed Royeon glaring at you, her eyes flickering between your neck and Hongjoong's messed up hair; you realized that he probably left a nice mark on your neck. You smirked, loving her annoyed reaction. You wrapped your arms around Hongjoong's waist and he smiled at you, draping an arm around your shoulders. Yunho controlled the urge to laugh once he realized what you just did.

Royeon cleared her throat. "So Hongjoong, did you get any news on Yang Daeyoung?" You felt Hongjoong stiffen a little.

"No," Hongjoong simply replied.

She chuckled. "Oh well. That must really suck for you since all... that happened, huh?" You could tell Hongjoong was going to lose his temper. You were extremely curious about this person, considering the fact that you've heard about him twice in less than an hour. "I bet you're dying to capture him. You would've planned so much to—"

"That's none of your business, Royeon," Yunho stated in a cold tone, cutting her off.

She raised her hands up defensively. "What I'm trying to say is I'd like to help."

"We don't need your help," Hongjoong spat through gritted teeth and Royeon was taken aback. You wondered why she looked shocked; was Hongjoong a complete sweetheart to her or something when they were together?

She cleared her throat, clearly offended. "Alright… come over to my place whenever you want me, Hongjoong," she said with a smirk before she walked away. You scoffed at her words and tightened your hold around Hongjoong who was quite amused by your reaction.

He put a finger under your chin to make you look up at him. "Maybe I should take up her offer, hmm?"

You scowled. "Don't even think about it, Kim Hongjoong. You're mine."

"Say that again, baby."

"You're mine."

Hongjoong crashed his lips onto yours and you kiss him back immediately, loving the feeling of his soft lips moving with yours.

"Oh, they're finally doing something," you heard Jongho say.

"Yeah, I was so tired of hearing Hongjoong whine everyday about how badly he wanted to kiss her," Seonghwa remarked, and you smile against Hongjoong's lips. You pulled away from the kiss, smiling widely at a blushing Hongjoong.

You turned your head to look at Seonghwa. "He was whining about that?" you asked in amusement.

"Oh, yeah, all the time," he answered with a chuckle.

A drunk Wooyoung laughed loudly. "That's not all! Hyung was also complaining about how Hongjoong junior was aching for—" Hongjoong smacked his palm over Wooyoung's mouth, stopping him from exposing him.

"Hey, let him complete," you stated, amused by the whole situation. Hongjoong shook his head in disagreement.

"We have to leave," Hongjoong changed the topic. "Yunho, go get Mingi and Yeoreum. Seonghwa, call San and Yeosang."

"Yeosang's getting some upstairs after so long," Yunho revealed. "He'll be shit pissed if you guys interrupt him."

Wooyoung chuckled. "After so long? He got pussy last week! And he's with the same blonde chick upstairs."

"No wonder he was the most excited to come here," Jongho mumbled.

Hongjoong rolled his eyes. "Well, I want to leave now. Anyone else wants to come?"

"Hyung, you and Aeji can go," Yunho said to Seonghwa. "Aeji's really tired. I'll come with the rest."

Seonghwa nodded and the four of you leave first, walking to one of three cars. Seonghwa had to drive after losing a game of rock-paper-scissors to Hongjoong.

After he began driving, you wanted to ask who this Yang Daeyoung guy was, but you thought now didn't seem like an appropriate time; you didn't want to interrupt the peaceful silence in the car.

You were feeling quite drained out, so you rested your head on Hongjoong's shoulder, trying your best to not fall asleep.

“Sleep, Kiah,” he mumbled, bringing your body closer to his. “I’ll wake you up when we reach,” he said, although he had no plans of doing that.

“Okay…” you closed your eyes, sleep taking over your body within a few minutes.

Hongjoong placed a soft kiss on your head. “I love you…”

5 months later.

As soon as Hongjoong came back home from his mission and stepped into your bedroom, you ran into his arms. “I missed you so much!” you mumbled against your boyfriend’s chest while he embraced you.

You started dating Hongjoong around three months ago when he finally got the courage to confess that he fell in love with you. To his relief, you were just as head over heels in love with him. The boys sometimes refer to you as ‘the one who tamed his temper’ as Hongjoong didn’t get annoyed very often anymore. You had also grown used to the mafia life, and you often found yourself enjoying it more than you should. You knew almost everything about the boys and the world you were now a part of. They even let you go on missions, sometimes letting you go solo. Hongjoong was always a little hesitant as he was scared something would happen to you, but he was getting used to it.

“I was only gone for a week, love,” Hongjoong chuckled and you sighed.

“It felt like years.” You pulled away from his chest to look at him. You pecked his lips before moving to sit on your bed, your boyfriend mirroring your actions.

“I got you a lot of chocolates,” he said, reaching out to grab your hand, intertwining it with his own. “I’ve kept them in the fridge.”

You smiled, lying down while you played with Hongjoong’s hand. “It’ll get over in two days,” you stated, knowing the boys would finish it before you could even grab a piece.

“Then I’ll go back and get you more.”

“I’d rather you stay here with me,” you mumbled, arms reaching out to hug your boyfriend. Hongjoong settled in your embrace, burying his face in the crook of your neck. Your hand moved to his hair, playing with his strands. Hongjoong couldn’t help but place a kiss on your sensitive neck, causing a chill to run down your spine. He began placing more kisses on your neck, smirking when he felt you grab a fistful of his hair. He trailed kisses from your neck to your jaw and finally to your lips.

“I love you,” he murmured, moving to hover above you. Cupping your cheek, Hongjoong gazed at you with nothing but love and adoration, making your heart race.

You grinned at his words, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I love you too.” You pulled him into a kiss which he eagerly responded to. Lips moving with yours, Hongjoong took your bottom lip between his teeth, gently sucking on it before licking your lip as a way of asking for permission. You parted your lips wider, letting him slide his tongue inside your mouth. Your tongues danced in a slow rhythm while Hongjoong rolled his hips against yours, making you moan. You gently pushed him away, making him look at you with a worried gaze, thinking he went too far. But you pushed him further, making him lie down on his back before you straddled his hips. Your hands pulled your t-shirt over your head, tossing it onto the floor. Hongjoong’s eyes moved to your bra clad chest. You reached behind your back to unclasp your bra, letting it fall from your chest.

“Can I touch you?” he asked. You took his hands, placing them on your chest in response. Hongjoong gently squeezed your boobs, thumbs running over your hardened nipples. He sat up a little so that his face could reach your chest. He placed kisses on your sternum before taking one of your nipples in his mouth, gently sucking on it, licking the small bud. He mirrored his actions for your other nipple, and your back arched in pleasure. When he pulled away, you immediately crashed your lips onto his in a hungry kiss. You involuntarily grinded down on his hard-on, a groan leaving his throat. Hongjoong’s hands moved to your hips, helping you move faster on his bulge.

“I want you, Joong,” you moaned out, making him get harder.

“Are you sure, baby?” he asked.

“Yeah. I want you to fuck me. Please,” you begged. You weren’t a virgin, but this was going to be your first time with Hongjoong.

He only smiled, halting your movements on his bulge. “Let me prep you, baby. Sit on my face.” You got off his lap to take your jeans off along with your panties. Hongjoong also stripped out his clothes, leaving himself bare in front of you for the first time. You involuntarily bit your lip, taking in the sight of his thick, hard cock. He looked absolutely irresistible.

Hongjoong climbed back onto the bed, lying down while he waited for you to straddle his face.

“Are you sure about this?” you asked, a little hesitant to put your weight on his face.

“Don’t worry, baby,” he chuckled. “Sit comfortably.”

You lowered yourself onto his face, making sure you didn’t put all of your weight on him. Hongjoong's hands gripped your ass, pulling you closer to his mouth. He wasted no time in lapping at your slit, collecting your wetness on his tongue. He moaned at your sweet taste, tongue dipping into your hole, his nose pressing onto your clit. He moved his mouth to latch onto your clit, giving your nub a few sucks before moving back to your hole. “Fuck!” you moaned, hands reaching down to grasp his hair while he fucked you with his tongue. You felt the familiar knot forming and you warned Hongjoong that you were close. He licked up and down your slit, lapping at your clit, pushing you to your high. You moaned out his name while you came on his face and he wasted no time in licking up your juices, a drop rolling down from his lips. When you moved your pussy away from his face, you got wetter at the sight of his lips glistening with your juices.

You moved down his body to return the favor, but he stopped you. “I’ll let you do that another time, babe. But now I really need to be inside of you.” Hongjoong sat up, piling pillows behind him before leaning back on it. “Are you on the pill?” he asked while pumping his cock.

“No…”

He groaned. “I don’t have condoms on me right now. They’re in my room.”

“It’s okay, you can just pull out,” you stated.  

“Are you sure, my love?”

“Mhmm.” You moved to straddle his lap, aligning his cock with your entrance. You sank down on his length, the stretch making you whimper. Once Hongjoong was fully inside of you, you placed your hands on his abs, slowly moving yourself up and down on his cock, coating it with your arousal. Hongjoong bucked his hips up to meet yours half-way. You leaned down to kiss him while you rolled your hips against his. You pulled away and smiled at him before you increased the pace. Your hands reached back to grab his thighs while you rode him. Hongjoong watched your boobs bounce along with you, the sight making him groan. When Hongjoong felt himself getting close, he switched positions, slipping out of you, making you whine. He only giggled, leaning down to peck your lips before he gripped your waist. Without any warning, he slammed his cock into you, making you gasp, your walls clenching violently around him while he fucked you hard and raw.

You gripped the bedsheets beneath you, feeling the knot forming in your lower area. “J-Joong… I—”

“I know, baby, I’m close too,” he groaned out, his thrusts getting sloppy. “You’re taking me so well, fuck.”

Hongjoong moved one hand down to your clit, his fingers rubbing your nub in circular motions. You screamed his name when your second orgasm washed over you. Hongjoong pulled out immediately, spilling onto your stomach. You reached out to pump his cock, milking him dry. Hongjoong collapsed beside you, body coated in a thin layer of sweat, hair sticking to his forehead. He pulled you into a sweet kiss a few seconds later.

“That was amazing,” he murmured against your lips. You smiled, placing a soft kiss on the tip of his nose. “Let’s clean up, hmm? Shower with me?” You nodded, letting him carry you to the bathroom.

#ateez #ateez mafia au #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez hongjoong #Hongjoong #kim dongyoung #hongjoong imagines #san #seonghwa #yeosang #choi san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho #yunho #jeong yunho #kang yeosang #song mingi #park seonghwa #jung wooyoung #choi Jongho #ateez smut #ateez angst #ateez fluff #ateez mafia imagines #mafia ateez #ateez oneshots #ateez fanfiction #ateez fanfic

[cassandraclare]

Hey Cassie! I love Cordelia and her connection to her Persian Middle Eastern roots. I was wondering if we would ever see something similar and have a Muslim character? Thank you for all the representation you put in you books it’s really nice to see yourself represented in a character. ❤️

I’m glad you like Cordelia! A great deal of love and research went into her and Alastair. :) 

I recognize it may be frustrating for some readers to encounter a Persian/Iranian character who isn’t Muslim. I’ve written about this before here. Unfortunately, Cordelia and her family can’t be Muslim, just as Cristina couldn’t be Catholic, Will can’t be Church of England, Jem can’t be Buddhist, etc. Shadowhunters have their own religion. It’s part of what binds them together, and it’s also necessary — both to the characters, and to the concept of Shadowhunters at all. They believe all the stories are true, because I realized early on in the creation of this world that they couldn’t participate in mundane/human religions. There was no way to have the Shadowhunters be of a religion that actually exists in our world; that shut too many people out of being Shadowhunters, and made the books essentially an embrace of one religion over others. Nor could they all follow different real-life religions, without a constant ugly argument over the source of their magic — i.e. what kind of angel is Raziel? What religion does he represent? What religion does all this power they have come from? What is heaven, what are angels, what’s after death — for the Shadowhunters to function as a demon-fighting group, they need to share core beliefs about what demons and angels are. I gave them a religion that didn’t correspond to a real-life religion because I wanted to forstall that kind of infighting, both on the page and off it.

Cordelia and Alastair do come from a Muslim-majority country. But they are not Muslim. They are Shadowhunters. Cristina comes from a majority-Catholic country, but is not Catholic. She is a Shadowhunter. (There are also, of course, many non-Muslim Iranians; I knew many growing up, as my parents retained a lot of the friends they had made in Iran. Some were Jewish, some Zoroastrian, some Baháʼí. Part of what I love about Iran is that it is a tapestry of incredible history and different cultures; it’s definitely not a monolith!) This is a fundamental part of the Shadowhunter books’ world-building that has existed since the first book.

Fundamentally, Shadowhunters hold beliefs that contradict those held by every real-world religion I’m aware of. They can’t be meshed in with existing religions without compromising the tenets of those religions and I believe it is more offensive to present a warped or halfway version of a real religion than simply to say that the characters you’re writing do not practice that religion at all. This is in part why I am writing Sword Catcher, because its magic system is based on Jewish mythology — something I can’t do in the Shadowhunter books, though Judaism is my own religion. 

Cordelia is a woman of color, she is biracial, she is Middle Eastern in her heritage. But she is not Muslim. I understand that Cordelia and Alastair not being Muslim means some readers will have trouble relating to them; but this was a world-building decision made long before Cordelia and Alastair were invented. I needed to present all religions, all mythology as equal, without any religion being the “only” one Shadowhunters can practice. If that means you don’t want to read about the Carstairs, I understand, and can recommend some wonderful books based on Islam-inflected fantasy instead, like Saladin Ahmed’s Throne of the Crescent Moon. However, this is not a new piece of information about Shadowhunters, or the way their world works. 

I believe Islam to be a beautiful, deeply felt and peaceful religion, and while I cannot write Muslim (or Jewish or Christian or Hindu) Shadowhunters, there certainly is nothing that says there cannot be Muslim Downworlders, sighted mundanes, etc. (I have written other Muslim characters, like the Reyjavis in Magisterium, who are observant.) 

I will say only one other thing, which is that I’ve received some pretty anti-Semitic asks about this specific issue of religion. I’m answering this ask because I won’t reply to asks that contain anti-Jewish content (and I will block the sender). Or asks that just say “you suck” or “Cordelia and Alastair are bad” because yeah. I mean, why bother. As a member of a minority religion myself, I can say I’ve grappled with how to respect and uplift my rarely-depicted-in-fantasy religion in these books while also making clear that all other religions are regarded equally as “all true.” (Simon, for instance, is Jewish while he is a mundane, and after he becomes a Shadowhunter, must struggle with how to reconcile his Judaism with his new beliefs which run contrary to the religion he was raised in. That is however unique to someone in Simon’s situation, and I wouldn’t feel qualified to write a character who must decide whether to discard their Muslim or Catholic heritage in order to be a Shadowhunter.)

I do not believe the people writing/and or sending me anti-Semitic comments represent my sincere Muslim readers. There are, however, kinds of anti-Semitism that are coded into certain language (especially discussing “greed”, “control of media”, “clannishness”, using the word “Zionist” instead of “Jewish”, and suggesting I must disrespect Islam or Christianity specifically because I am Jewish) that people may not always recognize for what it is. It is of course always fine to critique representation and how it’s done. (There is no such thing as perfect rep; it’s generally always going to be flawed, even if it’s something as small as a spelling error.) I would only urge not attacking the religion or ethnicity of a writer in doing so. 

#the last hours #cordelia carstairs #yourfavoriterino

[oiksuga]

come on and show me

prompt: smell of mint: “the strength of love and hate are one in the same.“ for @tooruluv | #tooruluv2kparty pairing: oikawa x f!reader tags: angst, misunderstandings, childhood neighbors to enemies (?) to ?, rated M for Makeout (so rated pg-13) warnings: underage alcohol consumption, ambiguous ending wc: ~4k synopsis: the one where you and oikawa grow up right next door of each other. complementary songs: unholy - hey violet // new girl - finneas // like real people do - hozier a/n: this fic had me biting my nails. i haven’t written in ages and to tackle something this long made me woozy. hope you enjoy it! (update: decided to turn it into a semi-angsty one-shot instead, maybe i’ll continue it as a side project, but for now, it is done!) no beta we die like men. i’ll proofread later.

You first meet Tooru Oikawa at the age of six. He had just moved to your street. The house right next door, no less. Quiet, shy, a bit of a crybaby. He clung to his mother for the entirety of that first meeting, a stuffed cartoon alien tightly clutched in his right hand. Your mothers, naturally, hit it off. You and Oikawa on the other hand, well that’s was a work in progress.

You tried to play nice, you really did. Your mother had told you about how it was just them two and his older sister. His father had died a little over a year before. So obviously you felt bad. You went over to his house on a few ocassions. His mother would welcome you with open arms each and every time. He was another story.

He had enough manners to come say hello, even inviting you up to his room to play with some toys (at the behest of his mother) but the minute she was out of sight, he’d go back to his own things, paying you no attention. Not that you particularly fancied playing with him, but if you walked this far to visit him, you would think he could acknowledge you for more than 2 minutes.

Tired of wasting valuable playtime sitting on the floor of his room, you take matters into your own hands and ask your brother for advice. He was a year older than you and Oikawa, so naturally you believed he held the secrets to the universe.

You approached him after dinner, and presented him with your problem.

“And I don’t know why he makes it so hard to be friends. And mom just keeps forcing me to visit him.” The huff of indignation only made him laugh.

“Well Y/n, you have to understand that he’s lonely. He is not very used to having others around him.”

“But if he is so lonely, wouldn’t hanging out with me make him feel better?”

“Remember how mom told you his dad is no longer with him?” you nod, “Well he has been living with other girls so much he probably wants to play with another boy. Guys don’t always want to play princesses you know?”

“So would he want to play with me if anothery boy was present?”

“Well, that is up to him, but it would interest him.”

“Then will you come with me tomorrow when I go over?”

“Sure”

And that is how you found yourself at his doorstep once again, brother in tow. His mother practically bounced off the walls seeing he had accompanied you. Did she also think he needed a boy to play with? She called Oikawa down, and you could hear some grumbling from his end. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, a confused looked ag the sight of two people instead of one.

Your brother went up to him first.

“Hey, uh Tooru right?” First name basis already?“I’m Y/n’s older brother. Well I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out with me and a couple of my friends today?”

Huh, so that was his plan. Your brother is the unofficial leader of his group of friends, comprised of various kids in the neighbourhood. Some his age, some more around yours. They like to cause trouble and torment other kids at times. Your mothers were close too. Unfortunately for you, none of them had any sisters your age. So everytime you were supposed to play with them, you were miserable.

After that first meeting, your brother and Oikawa had become quite the pair. He took him “under his wing” (as he liked to call it) and formally inducted him to his squad. They were over the moon to have someone new to hang out with (read corrupt). You, on the other hand, could not hate it more. Now that those two were buddies, Oikawa was always present in your home. Anywhere you looked he was there. And now that he had other people to be with, he came out of his shell. Gone was that snotty kid with the alien plush, now replaced with a self-absorbed bastard you wanted no relation to. Too bad he never took the hint. It got worse once you both turned 14.

“You know Y/n, I’ve gotten so many confession letter this week. But oddly enough, I have not gotten one from you. You need to hurry up before one of these girls wins your spot as my girlfriend.”

“Well good thing I have enough smarts to never feel the need to do something like that.”

“Ouch Y/n you are killing me over here. Whatever, I’ll just look for it in your room when you are gone.”

“What the- how are you going to do that? You know what don’t tell me. Just please get out.”

“Or you are gonna do what? Call your brother to-“

He was interrupted by the arrival of yet another nuisance in your room.

“Hey Oikawa, please leave the poor girl alone. Stop being such a pain”

Enter Hajime Iwaizumi. Ah Iwaizumi. The other half of the obnoxious duo. Not that you don’t like him. No, quite the opposite. He keeps Oikawa tame and off your hair, something which you are deeply grateful for. But he also has his habits of annoying the crap out of you. All of your brother’s friends do. But you like to think that deep down they’d do anything for you.

“Not now Iwa-chan, Y/n is about to confess her secret feelings for me.” He says, clearly aware of the growing irritation on his friend’s face.

“Don’t make me pull you by your hair again. We are going to be late for the movie.” He emphasized his threat by rolling up sleeves, a tell-tale sign he was about to beat the crap out of Oikawa.

“Alright alright Iwa-chan you are such a hard ass.” He now turns to you, taking a few steps forward and stands right in front of you. “I’ll see you later, m’lady.” With that nickname, he took your right hand and kissed your knuckles. You could only srunch up your face. Gross, how many of those shows are he watching.

You heard the downstairs door shut and with that, it was silent again.

Finally, peace.

Years went by, and Oikawa’s popularity only skyrocketed. Everyone around him found him attractive, so naturally they’d hang on to him. He was also really good in volleyball, so everyone would go to see him play. Your brother and him remained close friends. Hosting parties together, going on weekend long trips with all their friends. All things you were forbidden from participating in because, as your brother said, this is not the crowd you want to be with. Your parents still let you host your own events, but nothing of that magnitude.

Soon enough, years went by, and you began your senior year of high school. This was going to be your years. With your brother now gone, having graduated and gone off to college, it’s your turn to be the life of the party. No more “you can’t be there.” Now all eyes will be on you. And what a better way to make your debut than with a party. While classes didn’t start until a week later, it was your brother’s tradition to take over your parent’s beach house for a weekend and hold a last big major bash before the semester began.

Invitations were sent, music was chosen and all that was left to do was tidy up the place. You brought some of your friends with you to help you get the place ready before the chaos began. Sweeped everything, locked away valuables, and got them settled in two of the rooms so they could sleep comfortably after. As you were outside stocking up the bar area, you heard a collection of voices coming from the living room. It’s too early, why are there people coming already? As you walk back in, you are greeted with Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and their two friends, who were also part of your brother’s group, Hanamaki and Matsukawa, all too sitting too comfortably in your couch.

“I hope you guys know this is a respectable place.” You crossed your arms at the sight of them getting too comfortable in your couches. Feet up on coffee table like savages.

Oikawa spoke first. “Relax darling,” God you hated that nickname, “You do know we have been here more times than you right? The parties that have happened in this place oh man.” You felt indignated at his attempt to one up you in your own home.

“Well if I recall correctly, this is still my parentms place, so I can have you and your friends kicked if I wanted to.”

At that, the other three butted in, a chorus of “Oikawa what the hell man,” and the sound of Iwaizumi hitting the back of his head.

“Okay fine. I’m sorry Y/n that you are so jealous of me and my party animal ways.”

“God you are exhausting. But anyways, I am glad you guys are here because I need help hanging some lights outside. Iwa and Mattsun, could you pretty please come with me to hang these?”

You led them outside, before sticking your head back in, directing your gaze to the two remaining guys camping in your couch.

“And don’t think I have forgotten about you two. Kiyoko needs some help putting more stuff together, and the rest of the girls went out to order food, so please make yourselves useful and go.”

You play some music on the speakers, and get to work.

Soon enough, the party was in full swing. You swam through the sea of bodies trying to locate the kitchen. The sheer number of people was disorienting. But to your luck, the swaying crowd somehow guided you to your destination, slightly sticky from stranger’s sweat, but otherwise unscathed. You make way to the counter and try and lift yourself onto it. The drinks in your system making in a harder task than usual. You are halfway through climbing in a more unlady-like manner, when a voice calls out for you.

“Uh Y/n, need some help?”

You turn around to see Oikawa. His face was flushed, you assumed it was from whatever was in the plastic cup in his hand. Hair disheveled, forehead shiny from his sweat. His shirt was unbuttoned halfway, and the lighting made his chain glint at an angle. If he wasn’t Oikawa, you’d admit he was attractive.

You become aware of your compromising position and stop your attempts of getting on the counter. The suddent movements make you wobbly, and you grab onto the counter to keep stable. You notice him walking over to you, and motion for him to stop.

“I don’t need your help. Just get me a water bottle from the fridge please.”

He obliges your request and gets some water for you, going so far as to opening the bottle, and hands it you. You are silently grateful, as you don’t think you have the coordination to do it yourself. As you are drinking, feeling the relief of the coolness down your throat, you notice he’s staring at you. This felt odd, there was something about the way he looked at you. You felt too vulnerable. It was getting awkward.

“So, you enjoying the party? I saw you doing a shots competition outside earlier. Did you win, Mr. Party Animal?” You made sure to emphasize the mock of his nickname.

He huffs indignantly. “Well Y/n-chan, cannot believe you doubt my abilities. If you must know, I did in fact win, with an impressive 5 shots down my system. And look at me, cool as a cucumber.”

You look at him for a second, brows furrowed, and then burst out laughing. “‘Cool as a cucumber’? God you are lame.”

All he can do is stare at you. You have never laughed like that. It’s always measured, not too loud, not too long. This is different. He likes different.

When you stop, you notice he is staring again. You feel small. As if you are under a million spotlights, all pointed at you. You are about to ask if he was okay, but seems like someone beat you to it.

“Hey Tooru~ I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Are you okay?” She notices the position you are in, and slightly grimaces, “Tooru who is this.”

He blinks, a bit too hard, and turns to face her. “Hey Sara, this is Y/n,” he motions to you, “you know, the one who organized this party.”

Sara. You know who she is. And she definitely knows you. You two met at the last student council election, a few months back. When you found out you were running agaisnt each other. She was the current president, and you held a lower position as secretary, so running for president felt like a giant leap. Though it seems that after a month of campaigning, debates, and a tiresome election you had won. A very exciting moment, and what felt as a good culmination to your high school career. You and Sara had an extensive talk about it over coffee, in which she assured no ill feelings towards you.

By no means were you guys best friends, but you also like to think you were not enemies.

“Oh Y/n and I know each other. Great to see you again, and amazing party, you really know how to entertain.” Well that answers that, she doesn’t hate you. Great. “Do you mind if I borrow Tooru over here? There are some things I need to talk to him about.”

“No problem at all, glad you are having fun.” You wave goodbye and with that they were gone. You were alone.

Now feeling more sobered up, you decide to go back to the masses. Your newfound energy leading you to the makeshit dancefloor, letting loose to Makk’s karaoke rendition of Pursuit of Happiness. What a movie moment. Everything letting loose in a beach house living room.

The thing that wasn’t a movie moment though? How much you needed to pee. How come no one ever informs you of the effects alcohol has on your bladder?

Once again, you venture through the bodies to find the bathroom. There was no line, which should have been a sign. But you made no thought of it, until you swung the door open and found, in the most cliche moment ever, the ever-present Tooru Oikawa passionately making out with Sara. That sobers you right up.

If they noticed, you wouldn’t know, because you bolt out immediately and go straight to your room. You go to the bathroom there, and as you are washing your hands, you stare at yourself in the mirror. Even though you only saw them for a second, the image of those two making out was burned in your brain.

There was something about the way he held her, pressed to the sink counter, hands on her waist, that made you feel something inside. You chalked it up to general lust and splashed cold water on your face, trying to stop whatever your brain was imagining. You left the bathroom, ready to take a break in bed.

That was, until the man in question made his appearance in your room.

“You know there are laws against trespassing right? So I don’t know what you are doing here but-“

“I came to apologize.”

Well that’s a first.

“Apologize for what exactly. You haven’t been an ass the entire night, if anything, I should congratulate you for that.” You say, tone more snarky than you intended. What were you even pissed about.

“Well I think you and I both know what you walked into. And I just wanted you to know that is not who I am, nor how I behave.”

Oh

“Well let me be the first to tell you that I don’t care who you suck face with, as long as it doesn’t happen in my presence.” What was up with you right now.

“What if it was with you? Would you care then?” He took a step towards you. You took one back.

“What are you talking about.” Why did he keep walking towards you. This room cannot be that big.

“I think you know exactly what I mean,” Your back was met by the wall at the end of the room, and Oikawa now stood in front on you, “Darling.”

Something about the way he looked at you, combined with the alcohol in your system and the muffled music you could hear from downstairs made your insides feel on fire. I must be going crazy, you thought.

Because as soon as that god-awful nickname left his lips, you pulled him down onto yours.

“As your big brother, it is my duty to protect you from all the evil things that are out there. You know that right?” 

“That includes Oikawa right? He is such a meanie. I don’t know why you even hang out with him.” 

“Well, Tooru is different. He means well, he just doesn’t express it how you are used to. Boys his age usually behave like that. But he’ll grow out of it. You’ll learn that eventually.” 

“Well I don’t care. He’s mean and I hate him. I don’t care if he changes. I’ll still hate him.”

“Haha. Well I’m glad. Wouldn’t want you messing around with someone like him anyways.”  

Curse the heavens. There was no denying it. Tooru Oikawa was an amazing kisser.

He knew exactly what he was doing. Grazing his tongue to yours every now and then. His hands, god his hands, his right one was holding his chin, while his left one slid up and down your waist. 

Curse his perfection. This cannot be that snotty kid from all those years ago. This is a whole different person. Yes that’s it. This is not Tooru Oikawa. Because Tooru Oikawa is not capable of making you feel these things. 

Like any normal person, you have to breathe, so you break the kiss. He has the audacity to whine at that. You look of to your side, because something tells you that if you look at him right now, lips swollen and pupils wide, who knows what’ll happen next.

He doesn’t like any of it. 

He takes this opportunity to move his mouth south, landing on the flesh of your neck. He seems to have caught you offguard, if the sound you make at his action is anything to go by. He works his magic in the area. Biting. Kissing. Sucking. Anything that’ll draw out more of those noises. And you wish he’d stay there for eternity. 

But you are you. A little selfish. And always wanting more more more. So you take him by his shirt and lead the two of you onto the bed, gently sitting him down and taking a seat directly on his lap. Now this is more. 

But this also felt wrong. On so many levels. You don’t think you could ever look at your parents again if you have sex on their bed. But the desecration of their sleeping place is a small price to pay for the enormous pleasure you are sure he would bring you. Because if there’s one thing Oikawa Tooru believes in, is doing his best. 

And he sure as hell will do his very best with you. 

“Well well darling, look who is eager now.” He spoke with that sickeningly sweet tone he always uses. But there is something else behind it. You can’t really pinpoint it, but before you could ponder on that, he got a hold of your hips and started to drag you along his length. 

Well if you are off to hell, might as well enjoy the ride. 

You decided to be bold and unbuttoned the rest of his shirt, sliding it off his shoulders and onto the floor. You could sit here and wax poetic about how intimacy goes beyond physical appearance and his muscles are not important, but you are no philosopher. So you’ll say it. He’s hot. You knew the guy was ripped, having been witness to the arduous workouts he and your brother did over the summer, but this was something else. 

Your brother. Ha. Imagine if he could see you right now. Actually don’t. That’s weird. But he would be dissapointed wouldn’t he. All those years being so put off by the mere presence of Tooru Oikawa and now you are sitting atop him, like some sort of worship. Oh the hypocrisy. 

No you can’t think of him right now. No get out of there. 

“Something the matter, princess?” Ah again with the nicknames. “I think you’ve had enough fun up here. Maybe it’s my turn to be on top don’t you think?” 

You nodded. Because that is all you could muster. You feared that if you opened your mouth, all of your thoughts would slip out. 

He rolled you to the side, off of him and onto the mattress. He stood up and groaned and god the way that made you feel. He kneeled on the soft surface, and leaned down to face you. Because he is the epitome of cliche, though, he makes sure to flash you the biggest smile you have ever seen. It looks different. It looks genuine. That’s new, a bit exciting even. 

And before you know it, he goes back to work on your neck. He used his knee to put a slight pressure between your legs. You cannot keep your thoughts straight for long, because the next thing that comes out of your mouth is a moan of his name.

You’ve never used that tone with his name. He, of course, loves it. 

“You cannot imagine how many times I have imagined of doing this.” While you are on your way to what could be a very mind-blowing orgasm, and you are incapable of coherent sentences, your hearing is very much okay. But there is no way you heard what you just heard. Because what the fuck.

“Stop.” It’s low, a bit above a whisper. He couldn’t hear you, you conclude, so he keeps at it for a bit, but when he feels the push of your hands on his chest, he pulls away immediately. 

“A-are you okay? Did I hurt you? Do you want to stop this?” For someone with the charm of a western hero he sure is insecure. 

“What did you mean by that? What do you mean by ‘I imagined of doing this’?” Well of course you know what he meant. But what did that mean for you two? This isn’t something that should be happening. And you tell him just that. “This is not something we should even be doing.” Crap. 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

You might not be very fond of him, but you know him. So you know he is probably getting too much inside his head right now, so really you should have seen his next words coming. 

Except this is all new and you haven’t been able to see any of this coming. 

“You know what, you are right. I am sorry. I think we should leave. Actually, this is your room, so I’ll go.” You have to be imagining things, because there is no way he sounds hurt over this. Is there? 

You want to ask if there’s a genuine chance he meant what he said. You really do. But you are scared of his answer. All your life he has been the kid you cannot stand, your brother’s annoying friend. But this changes everything. You have no feelings for him, that you know. But apparently there is chance he does. So what are you doing about that. 

Before you can ask, you hear the door shut. In a flash, he is gone. How befitting.

And like that, once again, you are left alone. All you can hear is the boom of the speakers. 

Your lifelong long was to have Tooru Oikawa out of your life. Now that you have succeeded, why do you not feel at peace. 

fin.

#um hi there #i have not written in ages jesus #rip my ao3 fics i feel sad for not finishing them #haha i need help #tooruluv2kparty #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #tooru oikawa #oikawa x y/n #tooru oikawa x reader #oikawa x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu fluff

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𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘁 (𝗘𝗿𝗲𝗻 𝗬𝗲𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿)

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: the boy who sought freedom, how far would he go to reach it?

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: angst, fluff, the use of the nickname princess once, a whole lotta dialog, mostly Eren’s feelings, bit of ooc Eren since he wouldn’t actually pick you over freedom but that don’t stop me from dreaming

based on the song Hurt by Oliver Tree

i have no idea where this was going or what it’s even about and it makes no sense i just have a lot of pent up emotion that fits Eren extremely well. Is it bad if i relate to him :( also unedited.

My day will come, I gave too much I sold my soul, I'm waiting for my pay in full My only one, your dying love, I've seen enough

He had the choice. All he had to do was turn into a titan and he’d finally receive the freedom he had so desperately tried to achieve. This was what he wanted, wasn’t it? He knew he had to do this but something wasn’t right. The day was getting closer, he knew what had to be done, he had seen it with his own eyes, but what if he went off script? He could easily run away, just you and him, live out the rest of his life with you. It was late, or early considering the sun was closer to rising that it had been to previously setting. 

A small light could be seen through the white curtains, it was the moon illuminating all that it could. His mind was swarming with emotion, his eyes casually gazing between the ceiling and your sleeping figure beside him. He hadn’t slept a wink, not even your comforting presence could help tonight.

I tried but, I don't think so, maybe it was me who was fucking up I gave all I could give but, it seems like it never really was enough

He had really given it his all. His whole life he had been focused on escaping the walls and finding the freedom the people deserved. His eyes wandered from your body to stare back at the ceiling. Life truly was unfortunate.

‘Eren? His head shot to the side to look at you again, this time you were looking back with hooded eyes clearly still half asleep. Sitting up, you rubbed your eyes trying to wipe away the sleepiness. A chuckle left Eren’s lips at your tired state. ‘What’s so funny?’ You pout trying to gain sympathy from the boy.

A small smile played on his face as he tried to stifle another laugh. Opening his arms, he spoke, ‘Nothing princess, come here.’ Maybe having you in his arms would help him feel better, or at least he hoped it would. The atmosphere was comforting yet somehow still harsh. It was like their thoughts were written on the wall for them both to see. Accepting his request, you shuffled to rest your head against his chest as your intertwined his legs with yours. He wrapped an arm around your waist a lot looser than usual, a signal that he needed you. Usually, his grip was difficult to pull away from but now the smallest of movements would cause his arm to fall back to his side.

‘You’re okay Eren, we’ll be alright.’ You attempted to soothe him, he was only 17 yet had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Poor boy. You had promised him that you’d be with him through thick and thin; unfortunately there seemed to be more thick than thin. 

I feel left out, I don't see how My whole life can change in one week I don't mind my own reflection I don't see how, you've been let down Don't speak unless you have to Why you always seem in a bad mood? Your whole life you had an attitude One day, is this so bad for you?

‘I should be better for you, Y/N.’ You knew what he was going to say, you’d seen the looks on his face when you’d get sad; he always thought he was the cause of it. ‘We could run away, we could build a good life together. We were made for each other.’ His hold on you tightened as he told you his feelings. These moments were rare with him, usually only happening when he saw himself on the edge. 

‘Things may be difficult Eren but we cant run. You’ve always wanted freedom and we’re so close to getting it; it would be pointless to give up now.’ Lifting your head, you placed a soft kiss on his jaw. ‘We aren’t children anymore, my love, your whole life has been a constant fight, it’s no wonder you have an attitude!’ You tried to lighten the moment with a joke and thankfully it landed as breathless laugh escaped Eren.

I'm sorry if I hurt you, I'm sorry if it got that bad I'm sorry I can't help you, somebody should've had your back

Some might believe that the boy was heartless, emotionless or maybe that he simply didn’t care about others. Depending on who you ask really depends on the answer. In Mikasa’s case, Eren was a little boy who needed protecting. In Armin’s case, Eren was a saviour who knew how to stand up for himself. In your eyes? Well, in your eyes, Eren was just Eren; that was enough for him. He knew around you he didn’t have to pretend to be good.

I tried but, I don't think so, maybe it was me who was fucking up I gave all I could give but, it seems like it never really was enough

He had tried, he really had. His whole life he had wanted freedom and now it was within his grasp; he had to take it right? Part of him wanted to, most of him wanted to. It craved the sweet smell of victory, it was intoxicating and he wanted to be surrounded by it. The smallest part of him, it was barely even there, wanted to be with you; that small part of him wanted to be intoxicated by you instead of freedom. 

His thoughts were loud. Was he really the bad guy? No, he couldn’t be, he had done this all for the good of humanity. How can he be the bad guy if he’s doing it for the greater good? He didn’t know much, he relied on emotion to get him through everything; maybe it was time for him to use logic. If he was the villain he’d sacrifice the world for you; if he was the hero he would sacrifice you for the world. No, now wasn’t the time for logic. Relationships work on emotion he had to think with his heart.

I changed my, whole life when I learned to, ignore them I changed my, whole life up Maybe it was not enough I don't think I'm allowed to Make a deal with your selfish ways They're acting vicious out there There's lots of demons out here

‘When it comes to it, Eren, I want you to go after freedom,’ You paused to look him in the eyes, holding his face with one hand as you stay laid on him. ‘Go after freedom even if it means leaving me behind.’ Bargaining with the devil was never a good idea but to the world all of you were devils so did it really matter? The thought of being left behind was hurtful but it had to be done.

Eren knew what had to happen, he had seen it the moment he touched Historia’s hand, but that didn’t mean he wanted it to. 

I'm sorry if I hurt you, I'm sorry if it got that bad I'm sorry I can't help you, somebody should've had your back

It was obvious, if he went through with this that would mean the end of your relationship. Was that something he wanted to throw away? As you clung to his chest, peacefully awaiting his answer, he knew he didn’t deserve you. You didn’t deserve the pain of being with him or the rocky road that was to follow him wherever he went.

Where Eren went chaos followed; he was painfully aware of that.

I tried but, I don't think so, maybe it was me who was fucking up I gave all I could give but, it seems like it never really was enough

Fuck logic. He put his faith in you the moment he asked you to be his, why should that stop now? The world wouldn’t be right without you, the world would be a world at all; you were his world. You are his world. No matter how big the part of him that wanted freedom was, he would always chose you.

‘You are my freedom, Y/N.’

#eren yeager #eren jeager #eren yeager x reader #eren jeager x reader #x reader #aot #attack on titan #aot x reader #attack on titan x reader #hurt #comfort #fluff #angst #smut #one shot #imagine #oliver tree #songfic