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#I think in that moment it really hit me that they had the same doubts I did for a while and I guess it's just
j3llyd0nut · 17 hours
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Playground Love
ೀ older!Leon Kennedy x fem!reader
Tags: hurt/comfort, age gap (unspecified but reader is an adult), a lot of self doubt, talks about mommy and daddy issues, pet names (angel, princess, sweetheart).
W/C: 1.0k
A/N: studying? who is that? Anyways, this was supposed to be a cute ‘sitting on his lap would fix me’ but I got hit by existential crisis at 2am so angst.
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"Wow, dating an older guy? That's so sophisticated!"
“Are you sure about this? Don’t you think there’s a reason why no one his age is dating him?”
"You get to date someone older? That's not fair! All I get are immature guys my age."
"Darling, I know you're an adult now, but dating someone significantly older... it just worries me. Are you sure you're on the same page?"
I love him.
At every reaction, you find yourself repeating the same phrase in your mind. It was a simple truth that anchored you amidst the swirl of opinions and doubts. Every concern, every envy—you faced them all with the same unwavering declaration.
But do you really love him?
The question lingered like a shadow, casting doubt on the certainty you had clung to so desperately. You couldn't shake the nagging feeling that perhaps you were merely caught up in the allure of dating someone older, mistaking infatuation for love. Or was it that you longed for attention from an older guy who could fill the void your absent father left?
You craved the paternal presence you had been denied, and in him, you found echoes of the guidance and affection you had longed for. 
"Dating someone older? Isn't that a bit... strange?"
"Why? Age is just a number, right?"
"Yeah, but... do you really think you're at the same stage in life?"
Oh, how naively optimistic you were. 
Perhaps you have been too quick to dismiss your loved one’s concerns, too eager to embrace the illusion of love in the arms of someone—his arms—who offered the fleeting promise of stability and security. 
“But he makes me feel loved and safe,”
“Does he?”
Was your love truly built to withstand the test of time, or was it merely a fleeting illusion, destined to crumble beneath the weight of your differences?
“Darling, can we talk for a moment?”
“Sure, Ma. What’s on your mind?”
"Well, I couldn't help but notice... you seem quite taken with this new guy you're seeing."
"Oh, you mean Leon? Yeah, we've been spending some time together."
"He's... older, isn't he?"
"Um, yeah, he is."
"I see... darling, I just want to make sure you're being careful. Dating someone older can bring its own set of challenges."
"I know, Ma. But he's different. He understands me in a way no one else does."
"I'm sure he does, dear…but promise me you'll take things slow and really get to know him before things get too serious."
"I promise, Mama.”
You've broken many promises with your mama, but why did this one hurt? Is it because you partially blame her for shaping you the way you are? Is it because she married your father? Maybe she would have lived a happier life if it weren't for him, if only.
But you thanked her, both her and him, for the lesson learned, for the wisdom imparted, for the love that had always been there, and for helping you recognise the kind of partner to avoid. 
You stood before the polished wooden door of Leon’s home office, your hand hovering in uncertainty over the ornate doorknob. Each second felt like an eternity as you battled with the torrent of doubts and fears that raged within you. 
You needed him, wanted him to hold you, and tell you that everything would be fine.
But what if he couldn’t understand your doubts? What if your confession shattered the fragile illusion of your love?
With a steady breath, you pushed aside your apprehensions and grasped the doorknob, steeling yourself for the conversation that lay ahead.
“What’s up, sweetheart?” His voice, gruff yet soft and reassuring, always managed to send shivers down your spine, freezing you in place. You couldn’t find the words to speak, and your throat suddenly dried.
Sensing your hesitation, he beckoned you closer with a gentle smile. You could see the experiences he went through, the complexities of adulthood etched into the lines that creased his weathered face.
“Come here, angel. Sit on my lap while I work.”
You obeyed, crossing the threshold into his office, your feet padding on the wooden floor as you made your way to him. Settling onto his lap, your linen dress pooled around you, the fabric soft against your skin. His arms encircled your waist, pulling you close, his rough touch sent warmth flooding through your veins.
You inhaled his scent, a mixture of citrus and wood, with a hint of something familiar: whisky. You thought he quit. Ready to question him, you opened your mouth, but he stopped you before you could question him.
“Don’t worry your pretty head, princess. I only drank a glass, I promised. I’m just a bit stressed.” 
“Mm, okay,” you replied, pushing aside your concerns for the moment as you melted into the warmth of his embrace.
You found solace in the familiar embrace of Leon's arms, the weight of your doubts momentarily forgotten as you leaned into his chest, burying your face against him. A few of his buttons were undone, allowing the soft hairs on his chest to brush against your face. 
"Is everything alright, angel?" Leon's voice, soft and concerned, pulled you back to the present moment.
"Yeah, everything's fine. I just want to stay like this, with you," you murmured, the words slipping out before you could second-guess yourself.
His arms tightened around you, drawing you closer, as if he could sense the hesitation in your voice. "Me too, princess. Me too," his stubble pricked your forehead as he murmured against them.
Oh, how weak you were. His voice and touch alone melted you into a puddle, and all your problems seemed to vanish in his embrace. Your mama wouldn’t be happy with how you turned out; she wished that you would never let a man make you weak like she was.
Closing your eyes, you allowed yourself to sink deeper into his embrace, letting go of the weight of your doubts and worries. In this moment, all that mattered was the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against yours.
Perhaps one day, when the time was right, you would find the courage to open up to him about your inner struggles. Until then, you cherished this moment, clawing in the warmth of his love.
Pressing a tender kiss to your forehead, Leon whispered softly, "I love you, angel.”
“I love you, too, Leon, always,” you replied. The words were a vow of unwavering devotion and love…was it really?
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.       
- Oscar Wilde
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ciaonicole85 · 11 hours
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Part 2: What Then?
I promise I have a life, but I couldn't help writing part 2 today! This takes place the same day as the "Development Day" when Syd and Carmy are thrown off by each other's answers during an ice breaker activity. Post-season 2. Feel-good fluff.
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Photo Credit @drrav3nb /  drrav3nb.tumblr.com
"So those are the menu changes for Chicago Restaurant Week. If you have questions, feel free to ask me or Chef Sydney. You should also have an email from Natalie by later today. Okay, let's prep for night service!"
Carmy closed the meeting, grateful that it was finally over. He was no longer afraid of public speaking after rising in the ranks of various kitchens, but his mind was not in this ever since the ice breaker. He, Carmen Berzatto, had made Sydney's favorite meal ever? The last time he prepared the pork confit and the Milk and Honey dishes she mentioned was several years ago. Back then he was at Eleven Madison Park, a rising star on the culinary scene, who chain-smoked, slept 3 hours a night, and was berated by the EC daily. It was a nightmare peppered with flashes of genius. He was dying to ask her about it, but before he could get her attention Sydney had slipped into the kitchen.
He stared disappointed at the window that separated the dining area and kitchen.
"Hey Bear, what's up with you?" Richie said sidling up to him trying to follow his gaze.
"Nothing cousin."
"Yeah, right. I missed when it happened, but it seems like you crashed and had to reboot during the meeting. Then you were lost in Sydney-land. Want to talk about it?"
Carmy rubbed his eyes and raked his hands through his hair. When he used both hands, Richie knew without a doubt he had hit on something.
"First, cool it about Syd. That handout you gave us was really cute. And yes, there's something on my mind, but it's not for me to say."
Richie grinned and rubbed Carmy's shoulder.
"Fine, just get your head together because tonight is going to be loaded and it includes three anniversaries and a birthday. And second, you need to cool it about her or do something. It's like I'm living in The Wonder Years with Kevin and Winnie."
"What?"
"Oh, right. That's probably before your time. Kids!"
With that Richie sauntered over to the host stands to strategize with the wait staff and hosts.
Meanwhile in the kitchen, Sydney who had a thousand things to do, was adding at least a hundred more onto her plate. She didn't want to appear like she had a moment to spare. She and Carmy could talk at the end of the night as usual, without any eavesdropping. This would also give her time to think of an explanation as to why she never mentioned eating at Eleven Madison Park and that she wasn't a stalker who followed him to The Beef. To top off this awkward sundae, Carmy casually admitted his favorite part of the day was closing, the only time they are alone every day. She hoped no one else had connected the dots on that last part.
The afternoon and the night never went quicker to her chagrin. Even when one of the line cooks was sent home due to illness and a large group put in an order for 7 Fishes two minutes before tickets closed, she thought the night couldn't last long enough. Fortunately, Carmy seemed resigned to waiting and didn't look at her more than usual. In a flash service was over and no one was in the mood to hang around. By 11:00pm Sydney had cleaned her station for the third time and forced herself to go to Carm's office. He sat there pretending to do busy work, patiently waiting like a child who consoled himself that his parents wouldn't make him wait too long to open his Christmas presents.
"Hey Syd...it was a good night," he said softly not wanting to scare her away.
Sydney nodded and took a seat. Might as well get it over with it.
"Okay, yes. You made the best meal I've ever had. During a break at the CIA, I went to NYC and ate everywhere on my list, including Eleven Madison Park. It was a Wednesday night and I ordered several things including pork confit and Milk and Honey."
Sydney couldn't help closing her eyes and smiling at the memory. Her guard began to slip.
"Carm, it was like tasting my future and the best part of my past at the same time. I asked the waiter who made those dishes and he said Carmen Berzatto."
Carmen leaned forward on the desk. Whenever Sydney praised him, he felt like a cactus in an unexpected downpour. He wouldn't waste a single word. Her sunny existence and her belief in him sustained him during his dry seasons. He reached for her whenever he looked at the debt they still owed Uncle Cicero, when his mother finally visited The Bear and cried saying that he had erased Mikey, and even when their success seemed too good to be true. 
Sydney opened her eyes to find him looking at her in the way he had. It was terrifying because she had a very specific plan for her career. It also thrilled her, knowing the power she had over him. Five months ago, she had been begging for his focus and now she knew every her mood, glance, and word she spoke impacted him. Once for the fun of it during a slow night she stared at him until she drew his attention and smiled. He blushed, smiled back, came towards her without saying "corner", and crashed into one of the servers, sending three Michael cannoli to the floor. That was three months ago when she first realized something was going on with him. She'd refused to abuse her power since, going so far as to convince herself that she was overestimating his feelings. Then he said the best part of his day was closing. She hoped, well sort of hoped, that they could maintain this close, but not too close partnership and friendship without complications.
After a long pause Carmen sighed and sat back in his chair.
"So, how did you find me?"
"Well, like I said when we met, it was the job posting. I recognized your name and also The Beef from my dad taking me here."
She shrugged thoughtfully.
"It felt like it was meant to be. It gave me hope for the first time since Sheridan went under."
He nodded.
"It's really strange. You came here because I inspired you and the only reason, I felt capable of attempting something this big was because of you" he said gesturing to the ceiling.
"Yeah?" Sydney whispered.
"Yeah."
He stood up and walked around to sit on the desk facing her. Now, Sydney felt vulnerable looking up at him. It was so easy for him to unnerve her when he spoke this way, like under the table.
Carmy took one her hands and after a moment brought it to his lips.
"Thank you for telling me, Syd. It means a lot."
Sydney was unable to speak. Her throat had closed.
"Soon, is your one year work anniversary and I think we should celebrate."
She nodded.
Carmy set her hand down.
"It's late. I'll drive you home."
With that they left the office, gathered their stuff, and walked to his car in silence.
As they drove, Sydney attempted to talk herself down. Was that hand kiss, an Italian thing? Possibly. It also seemed like Carmy decided to do...something, but what? Worse, she was feeling like they had traded positions in mere seconds. She'd enjoyed having the upper hand. Oh, well. With a goodnight's rest she'd be back in form tomorrow. Maybe "accidentally" brush past him, or ask him to lift something heavy for her and comment on his strength. Then it would be game over for poor Carmy bear. For now, she wouldn't worry about the work anniversary. It was probably just going to be a cake Carm commissioned Marcus to bake.
Probably.    
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gurugirl · 5 months
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Homewrecker | bfd!harry
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best friends dad!harry x reader | forbidden relationship
Summary: The one where you and Harry finally come clean to everyone. Featuring an angry Fae, a spiteful soon-to-be ex wife, divorce terms, and lots of tears.
Word Count: 7360
Warning: 18+ only, mature content, age gap, talk of divorce, cheating, angst
Best Friend's Dad!harry Masterlist
You were tense.
And it wasn’t just that. It was that you could tell Harry was tense too. He was quiet. It made you nervous. Made you wonder if he was regretting his decision. He was loving when you’d first boarded the plane. But once it landed, he hardly looked at you. You were dropped off at your apartment by a taxi but were surprised when Harry asked the driver to wait. He helped you bring your suitcase up to your door and gave you a quick kiss before telling you he was going to have the taxi drop him off at his house so he could get his car. He told you he’d be back at your place in a couple of hours but he wouldn’t tell you where he was going. You weren’t sure he’d really come back.
You felt sick. You felt terrified you were losing him. But of course, you never deserved him in the first place. He was happily married with a great career and a beautiful daughter with a good head on her shoulders. Life was good for him. And would have been for years to come. If it hadn’t been for you. You were a homewrecker.
You didn’t have the energy to unpack your suitcase so you sat down and took a deep breath as you dared to look through all your messages and listen to the voicemails. You had envisioned checking your messages with Harry by your side, comforting you and you comforting him, but since he wasn’t there you did it alone.
The progression of anger from Fae was easy to see. She first left a voicemail and she sounded more concerned than angry at that point. She was calm.
Then it was a text. And another that could be read as mad. Then the one you read at the airport where you knew without a doubt that she was upset. And then to her last series of text messages sent Saturday morning.
Your silence is telling. So is his. I can’t believe either of you would do this. I hope I’m wrong. I’m hoping this is all a mistake and that it’s a coincidence that you and my dad have gone AWOL at the same time. But if this turns out to be real, Y/n? I don’t think I could ever speak to you or my dad again. I know you’d feel the same if I did this to you.
You sat your phone down and stared at your TV that you hadn’t turned on yet. It was impossible to process what you’d just read. It was shocking. You knew it was coming but to see it in a text was jarring.
It took you a few minutes to lift your phone up and listen to your mother’s voicemail.
Hey honey. I got a call from Fae and she’s really concerned about you and… her dad? She said she needs to get a hold of you. Will you call her when you get this? Or have Harry call her?
And, Y/n, I just want to say too, that no matter what, honey. I love you. You can always reach out to me if you need help or want to talk. Your father and I won’t judge you even if it’s true. I love you. Call me after you call Fae.
Closing your eyes you lay down on your side. Your mother even knew. Fae must have called her and told her everything. It hurt. But it was deserved. You deserved the hurt and shame. You’d done some very bad things. Your mother knowing was the least of your problems. Your biggest problem was that you were a homewrecker. You’d damaged a family because you were selfish.
You hit the call button and put your phone to your ear, keeping your eyes closed.
“Y/n. I was starting to get worried. Are you okay?” Your mother’s words were rushed.
“I’m fine, Mom. I’m so sorry about this. I would have called you sooner but I was trying to avoid my phone for a couple of days.”
“What are you avoiding, Y/n? Is it true? You and Fae’s dad?”
You swallowed thickly, “Yeah. It’s true.”
The line was silent for a moment. You waited to let your mom respond when she was ready. It was a lot to hear. You understood her silence.
“Okay. Well… you know I love you, honey. I hope you know what you’re doing. You’re an adult so you get to make these decisions and I trust that you never meant to hurt anyone.”
“Of course not. I never thought,” you felt a tear slip down your cheek, “… that this would happen. It was never meant to get this far. But,” you pushed yourself up to sit, “I fell in love. And now it’s too late. And we have to face the music. And,” you sniffled as you pulled your phone out to look at the time and then put it back to your ear, “I don’t even know where Harry is right now so it all feels like it’s about to just explode on us–“
“Y/n, do you want me to come over?”
You shook your head, “No. No, that’s okay. I’m sorry. This is just so hard.”
At that moment your front door opened and you stood up to see Harry walking in.
“Mom, I’ll call you back, okay? I love you,” you hung up after your mom told you she loved you too.
You tossed your phone on the couch and stepped toward Harry quietly, unsure of how he was feeling. Unsure of how to approach.
Harry took one long stride toward you and wrapped his arms around you, crushing you into his chest. You draped your arms around his middle and just let him squeeze. You were glad he’d come back so soon. You thought he was going to be gone for at least another hour. You also thought it was possible he wouldn’t return.
He loosened his embrace and kissed the top of your head, “I didn’t like how it felt to be away from you. I just needed to go and drive. I don’t really know why. I started to panic,” he spoke quietly as you listened, “When I was dropped off at the house I got into my car and the further away I drove the further away from you I felt and I didn’t like that. I had to turn around and drive back to you.”
You tilted your head back to look up at him, “Are you having second thoughts? Do you regret this?”
Harry brought his hands up to your face and looked down at you intently, “God, baby, no. When I got into that taxi I wasn’t even really thinking. I don’t know why I did it that way, leaving like that. I just… I didn’t mean for it to seem like I needed to be away from you. I don’t want that at all.”
You nodded and it felt like relief to hear him say that. “I was worried. Thought you’d suddenly realized this was a big mistake and you couldn’t go through with it anymore.”
He rocked you softly, stepping from foot to foot to sway, “Absolutely not. It’s me and you, baby.”
“We should text them back. Let them know something. Maybe we can go to them? Tell them everything? I just want to get this over with now, Harry.” You couldn’t handle being secretive with Fae or anyone anymore. You knew this was going to happen one way or another and if you could just finally say it then maybe the worst would be over.
He sighed and let go of you, keeping your hands in his, “Okay. We’ll let them decide when it happens. But I’ll text Fae and her mother.”
You both sat in silence on your couch as you individually texted Fae. Harry texted his wife first.
You didn’t know how to word the text. But you settled on something simple.
I’m so sorry. I feel awful. I want to talk to you, though, whenever you’re ready.
Harry’s phone rang after he sent his first text and he looked at you with worry before holding the phone up to his ear.
“Hello?”
You watched him stand up and pace in silence as he listened to his wife. He ran a hand through his hair and then suddenly stopped and looked down as he closed his eyes.
“Yes. I understand.”
He looked at you and gave you a weak smile. A sad smile and you returned the expression.
“No. Look… don’t say that. She’s not. I think if we can just talk in person this will be better.”
He shook his head and scowled as he began to pace again, “I said don’t say that about her,” his voice was more urgent. Almost angry.
Your phone dinged. Fae had responded.
I’m coming over.
Your breath caught in your throat as you looked up at Harry. Your natural inclination was to tell him to leave because that had been the routine since the beginning. Hiding that he’d been with you. But now that everything was out in the open…
“Fine. We’ll talk tomorrow then... Yes. I know. I am sorry,” he looked at his screen and realized she’d hung up. “Fuck.” He spoke under his breath.
You stood up and cleared your throat, “Fae is coming over.”
Harry looked weary. He nodded and went into your kitchen and pulled down two glasses, “Water?” He asked without turning to look at you.
“Yes, please.”
You watched him fill the glasses with your water pitcher and then handed you a glass as he gulped down half of his in one go.
“We should think about how to tell her. She’ll be here soon.” You reiterated, keeping your distance. Everything felt so foreign. So strange.
Harry placed his glass down and looked at you for a moment before responding, “We’ll just tell her, Y/n. It’s not going to be good but we’ll be honest and tell her what we’ve done. It’s all we can do,” he pushed his hip from the counter and took your free hand, bringing it up to his chest, “I love you. Okay?”
You nodded, “I love you too, Harry.”
When you sat your glass down Harry bent at his knees and lifted you up to the counter and then fit himself in between your legs, putting his palms over your thighs, “I just need you with me, Y/n. Okay?”
You nodded and put your hands on Harry’s shoulders and pulled them around his neck to bring him in for a soft little kiss.
You two stayed like that until there was a knock at your door and Harry helped you down from your spot. He followed behind you as you pulled your door open to see Fae standing there. She looked behind you to her dad and then back at you. Her expression was unreadable.
“Come in.” You gestured to her and moved out of the doorway. She walked past you and her father and into your living room.
“So, it’s true. What the fuck?” She shook her head and looked between you and Harry.
“I’m so sorry this happened,” Harry spoke first. You could hear the small waver in his voice as if he were about to cry, which made you tear up instantly as you watched Fae’s face.
She sat down on the small bench near your records and looked directly at you, “I can’t believe you did this. To me and my mom? To him? Why?”
Oh shit. Here it was. You were being blamed for it all. As you should. You knew what you’d done was disgusting.
You moved to sit down on your couch, pulling your hand out of Harry’s. You needed to sit.
“I can’t believe I did it either. I don’t know why. I’m sorry!” You hiccupped as your tears fell. A pathetic girl. Harry sat next to you and you felt his warm hand on your back as you repeated that you were sorry.
“Mom didn’t deserve this,” Fae looked at her dad, “She’s been so good to us and to you. She was really blindsided by this you know? You hurt her. You cheated on her. I never would have taken you for a cheater.”
Your sniffles and harsh breaths were obnoxious. You didn’t deserve to be feeling sad for yourself. After all, you’d done all the hurting and now people were suffering because of you.
“I know, Fae. Your mother has been wonderful to us. I made a mistake and…” his hand moved up and down your back as he spoke, “I’m sorry this happened. I didn’t expect any of it. It just…” he took a breath, “It just happened and now I’m in love. We’re in love.”
Fae laughed sardonically and you looked at her. She hadn’t shed a single tear.
“Yeah right. Do you know how ridiculous you sound, Dad? In love? With her? She’s my age? What could you possibly have in common with Y/n? Do you two bond over talking about me? Because that’s your only link. Like… I don’t get it at all.”
“We just get along, Fae. Somethings can’t really be explained–“
“Oh, the fuck they can’t. You two had sex and now you think you’re in love. You’re both pathetic. Especially you, Y/n. You broke up a happy marriage because you were selfish and you outright lied to me–“
“Hey, this is my fault, Fae. I’m the one who–“
You put your hand on his knee, “No. Fae’s right. I’m pathetic. I’m a homewrecker. I deserve all of the blame.”
Fae stood up, “Oh the martyr. I see… Yes… Will it make you feel better to know how much I really hate you? Is that what you want? Well,” she laughed, “I’m not giving you that satisfaction. Oh no…” she paced in front of your coffee table as she looked from her father to you, “The part that hurts so much, and the part that I hope you take with you and that eats at you and keeps you up at night is that hating you hurts me. You were my best friend. You and I have done everything together. I trusted you and loved you like you were my sister. When my mom told me what she found out I told her it couldn’t be true. That you would never. I gave you a chance to come clean to me but you lied to my face. I won’t ever forgive you but that doesn’t mean that feels good. It hurts to hate you. You betrayed me.”
You sat in silence. In shame.
Fae pointed at Harry, “And you. You let this happen. Mom is broken. She’s absolutely torn up over this. You blindsided us both and you’re no longer my father.”
“Please, don’t say that Fae, I love you,” Harry stood up.
“Don’t come near me. I don’t want your apologies or your tears. I’m not giving you the chance to make amends or say your peace. I don’t want it,” she scoffed and looked up toward the ceiling to pull her tears back into her eyes. “Mom said this didn’t mean you were abandoning me. That you still love me,” she looked at him and stopped pacing, “I don’t care if you choose her or whatever,” she gestured toward you, “I don’t even want you as my father anymore. You make me sick. What you did is unforgivable. Even if you did leave her and beg me for another chance to be in my life I don’t want it. My life is better without you now that I know who you are.”
Harry sat down and put his head in his hands and began to cry. You could see his shoulders shaking as he let out a strangled sob.
She looked away from Harry and took a breath. You could see she was acting tough. You knew her well. You imagined that the moment she walked out of your apartment she’d finally allow herself to cry.
“You both deserve each other. I hope you have a miserable life together. Actually…” she looked at you, “I take that back. I hope he cheats on you and breaks your heart the way you broke mine. I hope that all this was a waste for both of you. That you don’t even wind up together in the end. Because that’s what you’re hoping for, isn’t it?”
Her glower was intense. Scary.
You opened your mouth, “Fae, I’m–“
“I don’t fucking want to hear it, Y/n. I just wanted to come over here so I could tell you in person how I feel about you,” she laughed and looked at Harry who was still trying to reign in his tears, “I actually didn’t think you’d be here. But I guess this makes it easier. So I only have to do this once.”
She picked up her purse and carried herself quickly to your door but you ran after her just as she stepped outside, “Fae, please! I never wanted to hurt anyone!”
She turned to look at you, tears glazing her eyes, “I know you didn’t. But you did anyway, and it was selfish. Just wait for your turn. He’ll find someone younger in a few years and you’ll be all alone.”
When she walked away you felt Harry’s hand on your shoulder and then his chest pressed to your back as he pulled you into him. You both watched until Fae was out of sight and wondered if that would be it. Wondered if she’d ever come around or if maybe she was right.
He was warm against you. Comforting. “Baby you know she’s just speaking out of anger because she’s hurt. I’m not leaving you. That’s never gonna happen.”
You swallowed and nodded as he spoke quietly into your ear. Surely she was speaking out of anger to hurt you because she was hurt. You could see that. And that was deserved. You should hurt. But part of what she said did strike something in you. Because he’d left his own wife for you. For someone younger. And he probably never imagined he’d cheat on his wife just like at that moment you figured he never imagined he’d leave you either.
“You believe me, right, Y/n?”
You nodded shallowly.
Harry let out a deep breath as he pulled you gently back inside your apartment and turned you to face himself. His eyes were red and his face was splotchy from crying, “Look at me,” he cupped your face softly, “I’m mad for you. I swear on everything,” he ran his thumb under your right eye where a new tear fell, “I’ll never leave you. I love you. This is different, Y/n. God, I never want you to feel that way.”
It wasn’t like you wanted to leave him so you wouldn’t and if he broke your heart eventually, well you also deserved that. Especially after everything you’d done to Fae and her mother…
Harry’s nose touched yours, “Please, Y/n. I can tell you’re upset about what she said. I need to know you trust me and that we’re okay.”
You lifted your arms to wrap around his middle and looked at him, “Whatever happens I’m not going anywhere. I just…” you blinked and grasped the material of his shirt tight, “I fucked up big time. We did. I wasn’t prepared to hear her say any of that. I knew she’d be upset. I feel like this is what I deserve. None of this is okay.”
Harry cradled the back of your head and pressed his forehead into yours gently, “I fucked up, Y/n. I did that. I know what’s been done isn’t good… but you and I can be okay. Being with you is like nothing I’ve ever had. I’ll do everything I can to prove to you how much I love you and how much I want you every day if you need it.”
You tilted your head back and moved to kiss him, pushing your lips against his. You didn’t want him feeling like he’d lost you too. You just needed to sort out your thoughts and it was hard to verbalize everything in that moment.
Harry and Fae’s mother had planned to meet at their house in the morning. He was already making a list of things he’d be packing and bringing to your apartment, knowing she’d be taking the house, “Are you sure it’s okay if I bring all this? I can get a storage unit or something.”
You stood behind him and looked down at his laptop screen. He was sitting at your small kitchen table as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, “It’s fine, Harry. We’ll figure out everything later. We should get some sleep. It’ll be an early morning and we want to go in with clear minds.” Harry turned to look at you as he placed a hand over your forearm, “Baby, I really think it should just be me there. I don’t want you to have to go through that again.”
You moved and pulled a chair up next to him so you could look at him directly, “I really think I should be there with you. At least for support, Harry. I’m an adult. I can handle it. I don’t want you having to do it alone.”
He shook his head and took your hands in his, “Y/n, it’s going to go a whole lot better if you’re not there. She’s not going to want to see you. That’ll just make her angrier. I’m asking you to please stay here while I sort out everything with her.”
Harry had told you right at the beginning that he was going but you insisted you wanted to be there too. To face his wife and be his support.
“Harry…” you said his name in a plea.
He dipped in and kissed you, “I love you so much. But I need to do this part by myself. Okay? I love that you want to help and be there with me and you don’t know how much that means to me. But this is different. I can’t bring you with me for this. You can be my comfort and support when I get back afterward.”
You figured you didn’t have much of a choice. But you hated to have Harry go it alone. If you thought dealing with Fae was devastating, you couldn’t imagine the scene with her mother. The woman whose heart he broke. Who he cheated on.
Harry held you close that night as you softly caressed his chest and kissed his shoulders and pecs. Sleep didn’t really find either of you for long enough to feel like you’d rested. You had bursts of shut-eye but then were woken up with a panicky feeling. And it was the same for Harry. But being together and feeling the warmth of one another felt a lot better than waking up alone.
And you both were wide awake at 5 am, cuddled together under your blankets, limbs tangled.
“Are you awake?” You whispered as softly as possible. You assumed he was because of his breathing pattern and the way he shifted every now and then.
“I am. Are you okay, baby?” He scooted in closer and pulled you into his chest so you were practically laying on him.
You couldn’t see his face in the dark but you smiled at how he always seemed to need you close.
“I’m okay. I’m here with you so I’m okay.” You laid your head against his chest and he cradled the back of your head. You could feel the slow rhythm of his heart.
“Want some coffee? Thinking of getting up to make some. Not sure I can sleep. Have to be up in an hour anyway.”
Coffee at 5:15 am was not your thing but for Harry, you’d do it. And it was also going to be impossible for you to sleep as well. You were full of nerves and wondering what was next.
You had to work that afternoon, unfortunately. You wanted to call off but you were worried about losing your job. You took Saturday off when you were scheduled to work and doing it again on Monday would be risking too much.
“So what? If you lose your job you can look for something else. Maybe there’s a good job in advertising or marketing or something. Use your degree, Y/n. I can take care of you until you find something.”
You shook your head, “You don’t think I’ve been looking? For a year I’ve been putting in resumes and the only few spots that would even consider me without any experience wouldn’t pay as well as the tips I make at the restaurant. It’s hard to transition from making really good tips to a salaried job that pays less where I might work more hours.”
“I know you’ve been looking, baby. I’m not saying you haven’t. I’m just saying I’ll take care of you until you find something perfect.”
“I don’t want to have you taking care of me, though. That’s not fair. We’ve already been through a lot. And just imagine what everyone would think… If I quit my job after everyone finds out we’ve been having an affair and you pay all my bills... I’ll not only be a homewrecker I’ll be a gold digger or something. One awful scorn on me is quite enough,” you chuckled. But it wasn’t actually funny. You tried to find humor in the situation but the reality of it was awful.
“We can’t help what people will think of us but we’ll talk about all this later. I don’t want you to worry. Okay?”
“You think you’ll be back before I need to leave for work?” You ran your fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck. It was getting long and his curls were just begging to be touched.
Harry nodded, “I think so. I hope so. If not, I’ll be here waiting for you when you get off. I’ve got some stuff to do at the office today as well but shouldn’t take long. And I’ve got your key,” he grinned at you.
Harry left after giving you a smoldering kiss. You two hadn’t been intimate since the morning before when you left Quebec and when he grabbed you and spun you around to kiss you goodbye you pulled him in by his collar to keep his mouth against yours, then he had his arms around your back and you both had to force yourselves apart so he could go.
And on any normal day, you’d climb back into bed to sleep for a few more hours. But you knew you couldn’t sleep. So, you had to find something to keep you occupied while Harry told his wife everything.
.           .           .
When Harry pulled into the driveway his wife’s car was there already. He took a few deep breaths. He knew it was not going to be pretty.
The house smelled of coffee when he opened the door. It almost felt comforting. Familiar. Except that the circumstances were anything but.
He called to his wife as he sat his briefcase down on the couch and moved into the kitchen where he found her on her cell phone speaking to someone. She glanced at him and turned her back.
Harry noticed right away that she looked sad. Her face was puffy and her skin looked sallow.
The pot of coffee was full but he couldn’t even think of putting anything else into his stomach at that moment. The acid in the coffee was already making him feel a bit unwell. Not just the acid. But he felt unwell for what was about to come.
He sat at the kitchen table and silently inhaled again.
“Well, he’s here now, so I’ll let you go. I’ll call you later, okay?” He heard only the last part of her conversation as she hung up and kept her back to him. He watched her look out the window over the sink into their backyard in silence.
“I think you should start, Harry. Start with how long you’ve been seeing her. How it happened,” she turned to look at him but stayed near the counter.
He nodded and looked down at his hands, “6 months, give or take.” He looked up at her and her fierce gaze could have sliced him in half.
She waved her hand, “Go on. Let’s get it out.”
He swallowed, “I don’t know why I did it. I was happy. Really, I was. I… she and I got close and then I went to her place and that’s how it started.”
“So you instigated?”
Nodding his head he looked at his wife, “I did. I knew she had a crush on me and I fed into it.”
She nodded and walked toward him to sit at the table across from him.
“And it wasn’t supposed to go that far. But I’ve found myself falling for her.”
The laugh from his wife was unexpected. Harry watched as she shook her head in disbelief, “You’ve fallen for her? Y/n? Who is the same age as your daughter? Oh, I bet that’s an interesting dynamic. Does she know you fucked me while you were fucking her?”
He clenched his jaw and felt like he’d throw up, “We didn’t really talk about that much at the beginning. I’m sure she knows.”
“Caressa told me she saw you drop her off. Y/n, the stupid thing, told her you were her boyfriend.”
“Hey. Stop. Don’t do that. Don’t call her stupid. She’s no–“
“What? You don’t like it when women are being a little immature? You are dating a woman half your age for Christ’s sake. Seems like something you’d be into.”
Harry folded his lips into his mouth to keep himself quiet. He’d have to deal with her being a little petty. She had every right to lash out.
“Anyway, I was quite shocked to learn of it. And at first, we thought there was no way. Caressa might have seen someone else that looked like you with a car like yours. But then… too many coincidences, you know? Plus I’d already suspected you were cheating.”
“I’m sorry. I really am.”
“Why? Why would you do this to us? Was it that bad?”
Harry shook his head and reached for his wife’s hand but she pulled away before he could touch her, “No. Of course not. You’ve been incredible. I got selfish and fucked up. And then I got in too deep.” He moved his hand back into his lap.
She nodded, “You did fuck up. That’s true. How many other women have you cheated on me with?”
Harry was taken aback, “None! Oh my god, no. I never… this is the only time.”
“I see. And of all people, it had to be her? Fae’s best friend, Harry?”
“I know. It’s so messy.”
“Have you had a thing for her since she was a teenager?”
He shook his head, “No. Fae’s 22nd birthday was the first time I really found her attractive.”
She looked to the corner of the room as she sipped her coffee and then pinned her eyes back on Harry, “So for 2 1/2, nearly 3 years you’ve been lusting after Fae’s best friend?”
“No. I found her attractive… but never…” he took a breath, “No it was only recent.”
That was a lie. He had actually been lusting after you for that length of time. Of course, the feelings grew as you got closer and spent time together alone. When you would visit him and you’d chat and have lengthy hugs in private… even though the actual affair had only been for 6 months, you both had been dancing around your feelings for much longer. But he didn’t want his wife to know that. Didn’t feel that was necessary information.
“My terms for the divorce are simple. I’ll keep the house but you’ll pay the mortgage and insurance, and repairs that might come up. Once the house is paid off it’ll be in my name and I’ll be able to sell it or keep it, my choice. I’ll keep my car, which you’ll also pay the insurance for, and I’ll be asking for 50% of your salary as alimony. I also expect 50% of any of your bonuses. You’ll pay for my health insurance and cover anything I need above the copay. Dental too,” she took another sip of her coffee as she kept her eyes on Harry, “You’ll cover my cellphone, internet… basically all of my bills like you do currently. I am not going to suffer and live a more difficult lifestyle because you and Y/n want to fuck around and play pretend. Understood?”
Harry nodded. He knew he’d be giving a lot to his wife.
“Our shared brokerage, savings, and retirement will be 100% mine–“
Harry put his hand up, “Now, wait. Hold on. I can give you most of it but not all. Come on. Be reasonable.”
She shook her head, “The moment you stuck your prick in someone else was the moment I lost my ability to be reasonable with you. It’s mine. And I guarantee that the judge will agree once we get to the nitty-gritty. I’ve looked into it. You’ve cheated on me and I’ve been a supportive wife who also contributed to our savings and retirement during all the years I worked.”
His brokerage account was worth millions. And while his wife had contributed to savings and retirement years ago when she was still working, all the money and earnings from the brokerage were his own. He put that money there, not her.
“I don’t think that’s fair. You didn’t put a dime into the brokerage account. I’ll give you all of our savings, half the retirement, and half of the brokerage. That’s more than enough for you for the rest of your life. Not to mention half my salary and bonuses, the house…”
“I don’t care what’s fair. And yeah, I could live a very comfortable life on half the brokerage and retirement alone but I don’t want you to live a comfortable life, see? I’m not here to make things comfortable for anyone but me and my daughter. You and Y/n can go to hell.”
Harry bit his tongue and looked down at the table. He would need to get a lawyer. 50% of everything plus extras was fine. But all of the brokerage and retirement?
“Well, we’ll figure out terms with lawyers present,” he looked at her as he spoke. It was the first time he’d felt so angry with her ever. And even if she was justified, it still felt unfair.
She laughed, “Yes, we will. In fact, I’m meeting with mine this afternoon to get all the paperwork ready for you to sign. Divorce papers are in the works. And since I’m the one filing first I get dibs. You’ll see.”
Harry stood up from the table and paced the kitchen slowly. He knew this would kill him financially but he somehow just didn’t expect she’d want all of his brokerage. That was his nest egg he’d been adding to since before he ever met his wife. It was his. He’d fight for that one.
“What time this afternoon?” He looked at her.
“2 pm. You aren’t invited. You’ll be all caught up with everything once we get the paperwork drafted. My lawyer will send everything to yours. Oh, which, by the way, you should send me your lawyer’s contact info.”
He didn’t have a lawyer at that moment, which in hindsight was dumb of him. He should have been more prepared for all of this. A lawyer was just more money down the drain. He’d be paying his own plus hers, he was sure of it.
“Fuck,” he spoke under his breath and ran his hands over his face.
Harry packed his things into his car and gathered items he planned to take with him. Of course, his wife watched everything he took and told him what he could and couldn’t take.
“But this was a gift from Fae. Let me at least have this,” he pleaded. It was a framed photo of Fae and Harry. The frame was homemade from Fae for Father’s Day when she was 11. He kept it in his office for all the years he had it.
“Fae doesn’t want you to have that. Leave it here.”
“You didn’t even know it was there. You probably forgot that it even existed. Come on, don’t do this.”
She didn’t budge.
Harry had expected the conversation with his wife to be much different. He thought there would be a lot of tears and apologies and that she would scream at him and throw a fit but she was calm and prepared. She was cold and uncaring, though she did throw an insult or two. He could tell she was upset and that she had been crying before he arrived but she did not act the way he thought she would.
It all took much longer than he hoped. You had already been at work by the time he dropped his things off at your apartment. His apartment now too. He told you he’d be paying his part and wanted to get on the lease. But he planned on paying the rent in full. He didn’t want to be a burden to you.
And before he went by his office at work he stopped at the restaurant to see you. He knew it might be a bad idea but he needed to see you. Just to look at you and tell you he loved you and make sure you were okay. He felt bad that he hadn’t come back before you’d left.
Caressa saw him first as he walked in and the hostess greeted him.
“Oh, Harry. How nice to see you,” she crossed her arms as she walked up to him, “I’m guessing you’re here to see your girlfriend?”
“Hi, Caressa. Uh, just here to see Y/n. I wanted to tell her something really quick. I won’t keep her long.” He felt himself flush in embarrassment. He wasn’t particularly close to Caressa but he’d known her for years. She and her husband were part of his friend group. Were. He was certain they wouldn’t be interested in hanging out with him again.
“Sure. She’s busy right now but have a seat. I’ll let her know you’re here.”
He waited for fifteen minutes before getting up and peeking into the dining room. He half doubted that Caressa told you he was there. She probably wanted to make a point or something.
When he spotted you walking away from a table he stepped in and called your name quietly.
You turned and your eyes widened in surprise but you smiled and mouthed “I’ll be right back.”
You hadn’t expected to see him show up at your work but the relief that washed over you was immense. You were so worried about Harry and wondered how the talk had gone with Fae’s mother. Hoped nothing had changed between you and him.
You quickly made your way to the front where Harry was and grabbed his hand into yours, “How did it go?”
He sighed and you could see it hadn’t been a good conversation just by his expression, “I’ll tell you later. But, she knows. Everyone knows now. She’s getting divorce paperwork ready,” he squeezed your hand, “I just wanted to see your face. Needed to see you.”
You smiled and quickly kissed his lips, “I’m glad you came in. I was really worried.”
“You don’t need to worry, baby. Ever. Okay? I love you. I just… couldn’t breathe until I saw you.”
That was all you needed. His reassurance. The rest of your shift felt lighter. You were still burdened by the reality and the heaviness of everything but at least he came to see you. At least he needed it as much as you did.
When you got home later Harry was there. He was only wearing his grey sweatpants and he was in the kitchen cooking something.
You placed your purse on the kitchen table and he turned around and sat the wooden spoon on the counter before he met you in the middle of the kitchen to bring you in for a hug.
He said nothing. He just held you for a moment and it felt regenerative to be in his arms. You melted a tiny bit into him and suddenly, without even meaning for it to happen you began to cry.
“Oh, honey…” he whispered as he pulled you into your living room to your couch. You sat down with him and he kept his arms around you.
You couldn’t stop the tears. You couldn’t really think much about your situation while you were at work or you’d have cried in front of your customers. And you definitely didn’t want Caressa to see you in tears. She knew too much already.
“Sorry,” you squeaked out your words against Harry’s chest. You loved that he wasn’t wearing a shirt and that your cheek was smushed into his skin.
“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay to cry. I’m here.”
Harry kissed the top of your head and spoke quietly, “Everything’s going to be okay.”
When you’d finally caught your breath and looked up at him, he smiled softly at your face with tear-stained cheeks, “Thank you for stopping in at work today. That made everything feel so much better.”
Harry took in your red puffy eyes and the way your lip quivered the slightest and sighed as he wiped your tears, “I needed to see you. I’m glad it made you feel better. How was your shift?”
You told him about work and how Caressa hardly spoke to you. Then you discovered that when Harry arrived she hadn’t told you that he was there when he asked her to, “Guess I’m not surprised. She probably hates us both. And what are you making? Smells really good.”
“Just veggie soup and I’ve got some biscuits cooling. Stove’s off so it can sit a bit. It’ll be fine.”
You looked around your living room and it was the first time you noticed the new big-screen TV that had replaced yours, as well as a plant in the corner that hadn’t been there, “So now we live together, huh?” You smiled finally, to Harry’s relief.
“If you still want me here then yes.”
You laughed and leaned back into him, hugging his middle, “Of course I want you here. Need you here.”
Harry put his arms around you, “S’what I wanted to hear. Need to be with you. No matter what that looks like.”
You looked up at him and his curls that were starting to get long and the bit of scruff on his face with his bright eyes and pink lips and you felt like you were lucky to have him. It wasn’t going to be easy to not have Fae in your life. And you would have to deal with the judgment that was to come, but at least you had him. At least you had each other.
“What?” Harry asked as your eyes wandered over his features.
“I just feel grateful that you’re here with me.”
Harry tilted his head to the side as he rubbed your arms up and down, his eyes on yours, “I’m grateful you want me here, Y/n.”
As shitty as everything was and the awful reality that was caging you in and carving the words homewrecker onto your forehead, you felt it in your heart that he was the love of your life. No one else could ever understand it. But Harry did. And you did. And that was all that mattered in that moment.
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readerthatreadsss · 7 months
Text
Worth The Wait | Steven Grant
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(Inspired by the song of the same title by Kali Uchis)
Pairing: Steven Grant x fem!reader
Word Count: 6.2k
Summary: You and Steven have been roommates for a while now. But one night after being stood up by yet another guy in a string of dates gone wrong, Steven offers you some support...which sparks an interesting chain of events.
Warnings[18+ activities MDNI]: sub! (ish) Steven, dom! (ish) reader, fools in love, friends/roommates to lovers, mentions of drunk reader (but not drunk when they actually have sex, you'll see), crying (reader's drunk and starts venting for a bit, that's all), unprotected p in v sex (cloak the joker before you poke her), oral sex (steven and r receiving), Steven doubting himself mid-sex, assertive reader and awkward Steven! , choking (r receiving), riding, creampie, barely edited cause I'm really fuckin tired.
A/N: Hi. Don't ask me where I found the time or motivation to write this shit when school started back a month ago. The idea just popped into my head and my fingers didn't stop moving once I opened a draft. Note, I have a tall fem! reader x Steven in my drafts to finish so don't think I forgot!
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"Steeeeven," knock knock knock, "STEVENNNN," knock knock knock−
Steven's brows furrowed beneath his reading glasses at the sound of your voice coming from outside your shared apartment door. Concern as well as confusion sprang through him instantly. You sounded drunk. Which he was sure to be the case seeing as you were sloppily knocking at the door rather than opening it with your keys.
He quickly shut the book he was reading and removed his glasses before making his way over to the door in fear that your next call of his name would wake the entire building.
Unfortunately, he opened the door at the very moment you launched your hand forward to knock once more. This caused you to tumble through the door with a drunken yelp. But Steven caught you in his arms before your body could hit the ground.
You looked up at him with a lazy smile and hooded eyes. "Thanks, Stevie bear," you hiccuped, using both hands to cling onto one of his very defined biceps. You had never realized how big and firm they were before that moment.
"You're welcome," Steven replied worriedly. He swiftly shut the door with his foot and used your grip on his arm to bring you standing back on your feet. "Y/n what the bloody hell happened to your date?"
You rolled your eyes at his question, kicking off your heels and making your way over to the couch without somehow falling again. "See now, Steven," you paused and pointed at him drunkenly, "it can't be a date if the said date doesn't even bother to show up!" you explained.
Steven sighed deeply at your explanation as he sat on the other end of the couch. This wasn't the first time this had happened to you—or him for that matter—but he could never understand why. You were easily one of the most beautiful women in London, and definitely one of the smartest, (your framed Ph.D. in psychology hanging over the television was evidence of that). You were the full package and more. Any man would be lucky to have you.
But the men of London were clearly morons if they kept standing you up or acting like complete knobs to you on your dates.
He would never do that to you. But he's seen photos of your past dates. A woman like you was way out of his league and would never go for someone like him, anyone with eyes could see that.
"How much have you had to drink?" Steven suddenly asked you.
You raised 3 fingers to the best of your ability. "Six," you answered before bursting into a fit of giggles at Steven's expression.
"Gosh, y/n, you're absolutely clobbered," he grabbed a blanket from the arm of the couch and spread it over where your short skin-tight dress was riding up your thighs.
"Well I didn't lie," you sat up abruptly, throwing the blanket off your lap and turning to face Steven and sit as crosslegged as your dress would allow, "Three of the drinks were margaritas...the other three were shots of vodka though," you admitted softly as if it were some secret for only yours and Steven's ears.
"Do you have work in the morning?" Steven questioned gently, picking up the blanket and handing it back to you. Your dress was riding up with every slight movement you made, which meant more of your thighs being exposed to him. Despite this, Steven wouldn't dare look anywhere except your eyes.
"Nope." You threw the blanket back on the floor. The night was pretty warm, you don't understand why Steven keeps giving it to you.
"Do you want me to make you some coffee or tea?"
"Yup."
Steven looked at you in question for a few seconds. "Which one?" he prodded, fighting back a smile at your muddled state.
You moved closer and narrowed your eyes, "Which one of what?" you questioned, truly confused, before breaking out into another fit of drunken giggles that caused you to momentarily tumble forward and land your hands on Steven's thighs.
"Coffee it is then," Steven answered for you, his voice traveling up an octave. He then carefully moved your hand from his thighs, trying to ignore the chills your touch sent up his spine, and hightailed it to the kitchen to put on the percolator for you.
You tilted your head as he walked away, noting how quickly he left.
When Steven returned with your cup of coffee (with cream and no sugar just how you liked it), he found you seated in the same spot but with his blanket draped over your head and body while soft sniffles and sobs met his ears.
He placed your cup on the table nearby and carefully approached your figure on the couch. Steven reached for the blanket and slowly removed it from your body.
"Why are you crying, love?" he sweetly asked once your face came into view.
"Because I'm a mess," you sniffled, using a hand to wipe the trail of tears falling from your eyes.
Steven's head tilted in disbelief at your words. "You don't really believe that, do you?"
"Yes I do," you nodded fervently, "It's why my dates have sucked for the past 2 months, it's why I got passed over for that goddamn promotion at work last week, and it's why you can't stand being around me for longer than 3 minutes these days."
Steven was taken aback by your words. You thought he couldn't stand to be around you? That's impossible.
"You practically sprinted to the kitchen!" you added after a few moments of silence.
"To make you coffee," Steven protested, gesturing to the cup lying untouched nearby.
"I saw your face," you looked down at where your hands lay in your lap.
Steven swallowed harshly. "Y/n."
You ignored his call for your attention.
"Look at me," he came closer and entangled his hands with your own in your lap, immediately causing you to look up at him with tear-stained eyes, "You are not a mess," he softly yet sternly said to you.
"Yes I am−"
"No. You are not," he interrupted your arguing, "Your dates? They're all losers for letting you slip through their hands. And if a few bad dates is fate's way of making you wait to find the one, then I think that's well worth the holdup, yeah?"
You chewed on your bottom lip anxiously before nodding in agreement.
"And as for my behavior earlier, it was−" Steven paused with a sigh fumbling for a sensible excuse, "it's your perfume."
You pulled a face that would have made Steven laugh under normal circumstances. "My perfume? You hate my perfume?"
Steven swallowed harshly. He hated lying. He wasn't even good at it. But convincing you that he couldn't bear your perfume was easier than admitting that he just couldn't handle the way your hands felt on his thighs or the way his entire body heated up when you leaned closer to him. "Yup. The smell was too much for me," he fibbed.
You rested your head in your palms, pouting slightly. "But you're the only reason I wear this perfume, Steven," you confessed, barely audible.
Steven's face fell. "What?"
"You told me that you liked it when I moved in and from then I kept buying it just because you liked it."
Steven's heart swelled at your admission. He felt like an asshole. He was no better than the losers you'd been going on dates with.
You continued to speak. You could feel words preparing to leave your lips that have been eating at you for a while, now guided by your lowered inhibitions. "And I didn't only mean just now. These past few weeks you can barely look me in my eyes, or be near me, Steven. What am I doing wrong?" your voice broke with your last words.
Steven had seen you cry a few times before. But this time was different. The look on your face was heart-wrenching. He couldn't believe that he made you feel like this.
Because he was having trouble dealing with his own feelings for you, he made you think he hated you...when it was the complete opposite.
"There's nothing wrong with you. It's all my fault," Steven said, breaking away from your gaze, feeling it pierce through him.
"I'm the one who was dumb enough to fall in love with you..." he added, only to look up and see you passed out against the arm of the couch.
A part of him was saddened that you fell asleep before hearing his confession. But another was grateful and profoundly unprepared for your inevitable rejection.
Steven looked at you for a few more seconds before carefully picking you up—smiling to himself when you curled into his chest—and carrying you to your bedroom.
° ° ° ° ° ° ° °
You woke up in a slight daze...and in someone else's bed.
It took a few glances around the room for you to piece together that you were in Steven's room.
And then all of last night's events came back to mind, seeping in and clearing the fog that your excessive alcohol consumption had sired;
Your failed date. Coming home and falling into Steven's arms. Saying way too much to Steven. Steven's last words before your body shut down.
Steven.
Steven.
Steven.
"Oh God," you mumbled, cradling your face in your hands.
Eventually, you pulled yourself out of the bed and stumbled into the bathroom for a shower. You thanked whatever higher power was at work that Steven was still asleep on the couch when you padded through the living room.
But when you finished showering and exited the bathroom, you were hit with the smell of freshly brewed coffee. You poked your head into the living room to make sure Steven was still in the kitchen before running a path straight to your room and getting dressed.
After throwing on one of your old university crew necks and the first shorts you could get your hands on (which happened to be very short ones), you heard a knock at your door followed by Steven's voice.
"Y/N? I have a cup of green tea and some painkillers here...thought you'd need them."
You found yourself smiling at the sound of his voice, something that was becoming more common in recent weeks. What did you do to deserve a man like Steven in your life?
You quickly moved to open the door and let Steven in. "Hey, Steven," you greeted him with a small smile.
He released a nervous chuckle as he presented a cup and two pills to you. "Good morning."
You took them happily, bringing them to your night table. "I'm not actually feeling very hungover," you said to him, turning to sit on your bed.
"Really? That's surprising...considering last night," Steven replied, taking a hesitant step further into your room.
"Yeah must be my tolerance and all that," you shrugged, taking interest in how Steven had yet to meet your eyes since you opened the door.
A beat of silence passed between you while you took a sip of your tea. "Steven, you can sit," you softly spoke, gesturing to your bed.
"Oh, sure," Steven took a seat at the farthest edge of your bed, maintaining a more than comfortable space between you.
"How'd I end up in your bed this morning?" you suddenly questioned. You were genuinely curious, but the reaction it garnered from Steven was more than worth it.
After a brief clear of his throat, Steven answered, "Well you sorta climbed into my bed in the middle of the night, gave me quite a scare actually, and I wanted to give you space to rest so I let you have my bed and I slept in the couch."
"Oh, I'm sorry," you frowned, a tinge of embarrassment seeping in, "Why didn't you sleep in my bed?"
"Because..." laying in your bed that smells flawlessly like you would've sent him into cardiac arrest- "the couch is more comfortable."
You nodded in understanding, placing your half-empty teacup back on the table.
"If you uh need anything," Steven stood up from your bed, slowly walking backward to the door, "just shout," he said as he turned to open the door.
"Did you mean it?"
Steven halted in place at your words, his back still facing you.
You slid off your bed and approached his oddly still figure.
Steven's throat ran dry. There's no way you could have actually heard him. Right? "What?" is all he managed to say.
You walked past him and used a hand to close the door, coming to stand in front of him. You needed to look at his face. Living with Steven for a year has taught you that he wasn't a man of many words but his face said more than enough when he couldn't. Drunk you couldn't utilize your psych degree the night before, but sober you sure could at that moment.
"Did you mean it?" you repeated, "When you said you fell in love with me?"
Steven's jaw slackened when he met your stare, that feeling of being pierced by your gaze returning. "I-"
Your eyes narrowed as you took a step closer to him, now being close enough for his nervous breaths to fan across your lips. "Because if you meant it then I would tell you that. I think..." you paused and looked away for a moment, "No, I know that I love you too."
Steven's hooded brown eyes widened. He blinked a few times, trying to will himself to wake up if this was a dream.
You bit back a small laugh at his expression before you continued. "I love how willing you were to rent some small-time therapist your extra bedroom because you heard her crying in the corner of a coffee shop that she'd been kicked out by her stupid ex-boyfriend. I love the mugs you buy me every month because you saw them and they reminded you of me. I love how you watch shitty action movies with me after every bad date I have because you want to take my mind off them. I love how much you care about...everything really. I love you, Steven Grant," an enlightened smile rested on your face as you spoke, "and I'm sorry that I spent the past year thinking everything you made me feel was platonic when the truth was that you made me feel things that no one else has. I'm an idiot Steven-"
"No," Steven's first word came, a relieved smile accompanying it, "You are not an idiot. You are the smartest person I've ever met. Smarter than me, that's for sure," at that, you both laughed, "I've spent this whole year thinking that you would never see me as anything more than your weird, boring roommate...and turns out you loved me this whole time," he ended in a soft whisper, shocked by his own conclusion. Steven found his eyes drifting down to your lips and you immediately took note of it.
You exhaled deeply before closing the gap between you and Steven, meeting his lips in a bold kiss.
Initially stunned, Steven sunk into your lips soon after, gently bringing his hands up to rest on the sides of your face.
Your brain fogged as Steven devoured your lips, an unusual confidence taking over him. You wrapped your hands around his neck and smiled into the kiss, allowing Steven to slip his tongue past your lips, tasting more of you and pulling a moan from your chest.
Steven pulled away first, feeling himself enter a state that he wouldn't dare himself to in your presence. You bit back a whine when his lips left yours, looking up at him in confusion.
"We don't have to do this if you don't want to," he spoke, taking a step away from you.
You licked your lips and stepped towards him. "Steven, trust me, I want to do this. I want to do a lot more than this actually," you pulled his waist flush against your body, drawing a shared moan from you both when his growing bulge pressed against your stomach.
Steven's hands flew up to grab the back of your neck and your jaw. He softly muttered your name, as a warning more than anything else.
You leaned in and pressed a kiss against the corner of his lips. "If you say no, we will stop this right now and go eat breakfast. But if you say yes, we are gonna stay here and I'm gonna let you do very bad things to my body."
Steven swallowed harshly. "God, yes," he replied, failing to swallow back a whimper at the implication of your words.
Your hands squeezed his waist as you moved back to look at his face fully. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear that Stevie," you smirked.
Steven looked down at you with adoration clear in his eyes. He couldn't believe this was really about to happen. He used his hold on your neck to pull your lips crashing into his. This kiss was a lot more hungrier than the first, with Steven now making his intentions much clearer.
"I'll take that as a yes," you grinned between kisses.
Steven groaned his agreement as he continued to kiss you.
You used your grip on his waist to push him back towards your bed, effectively breaking your kiss and causing him to land on the edge of your bed with a grunt.
Steven looked up at you through his lashes in awe as you approached him. He watched keenly as you removed your top, wearing nothing underneath, before moving to straddle his thighs. Steven made a move to touch your chest before stopping his shaky hands midair and looking at you in question.
You gently held Steven's chin up and smiled down at him. "Steven you can touch me," you reassured him. Even in an intimate moment like this, he was ever the gentleman...
Steven indulged with a sheepish smile and brought both his palms to each of your breasts. Unable to help himself, Steven dove in and took one of your nipples in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the hardened bud.
"Fuck, Steven," you moaned, eyes slamming shut at how good it felt. Your words only seemed to egg him on further as Steven switched to your other breast, his lips and tongue moving against it with more enthusiasm.
Your hands at the back of his neck grabbed fistfuls of his curls while his ministrations against your chest pulled more moans and whines from your lips.
Some time after, you pulled Steven's lips away from your breasts and met them in a searing kiss, pressing your clothed cunt down against his erection. "Shit," Steven lowly cursed, bringing his hands to your waist to grind you down further against his bulge.
You obliged with a moan, grinding in Steven's lap harder. "Tell me what you want, Steven," you whispered against his lips.
Steven's hands squeezed your waist harshly when your lips began sucking against his throat. He could barely put together thoughts at the moment, much less words.
You trailed a hand down to the waistband of Steven's sweats and slowly reached under it for his cock. You swallowed a moan when your hand traced his full length and girth. "You've been holding out on me Steven," you chuckled against his neck.
Steven blushed furiously at your words. "Thank you?" he responded awkwardly, barely functioning with your hand rubbing along his cock.
You chuckled once again, pulling away from his neck to look at him. "You're so pretty," you said, causing another wave of red to hit Steven's cheeks.
"No one's ever said that to me before," he admitted softly.
"Well that's okay, cause I want to be the only one who makes you blush like this," you grinned brushing a stray curl from his forehead, "I bet your cock is just as pretty," your hand picked up speed beneath Steven's pants, "Can I see it? Please?"
Steven nodded enthusiastically. "Anything you want," he said with a desperation that had your pussy throbbing with need. You briefly lifted your hips allowing Steven to clumsily slide off his sweatpants and boxers and step out of them.
Once you returned to your position on his thighs, you looked down at his cock, the head already dripping with small beads of precum. The length was truly unexpected, as well as the girth. You would do anything to feel him inside you.
But for now, you really wanted to taste him.
Steven watched you sink to your knees before him, your eyes never straying from his.
"Are you sure you want to-"
"Steven you said anything I wanted," you paused, gliding your fingers over his length and watching it twitch in response, "And I really want to taste you. Can I suck your cock, Steven?"
Steven's breathing picked up as he took in the image before him; you on your knees, touching his dick while literally begging to suck it with a look in your eyes he could only compare to the look of a wild female tiger eyeing her freshly caught meal in the nature documentary he watched the week before.
"Please, please do," his response came soon after.
You began with a kiss to the head of his cock that made it immediately jump in your hand. You couldn't help but chuckle, and it was a sound that Steven hoped would be the last thing he heard before he left this earth. "You're so sensitive, Stevie," you cooed before pressing another kiss but to the base of his length.
Steven released a sharp moan at both of your kisses to his cock, finding himself embarrassingly close to cumming already.
"Please," he pleaded your name with a whine, "stop teasing."
You swirled your tongue around the head where precum had gathered, moaning in time with your movements and drawing yet another mewl from Steven. "Oh but Stevie, I just love hearing you say please," you teased him, looking up from where you had a hand wrapped around his base and another briefly caressing his balls.
Steven was now panting, his eyes never leaving you as you held him. He watched you slowly wrap your lips around his tip before slowly sinking down.
After reaching a little more than halfway down Steven's cock, you felt yourself gag but simply stilled instead of removing yourself completely.
"Fucking hell," Steven grunted before melding into a pathetic moan once you held your position. You eventually let up when you almost ran out of air and slowly removed your lips from his dick, your eyes meeting his with tears streaming along your face from the stretch.
You were prepared to do it once again but felt Steven's palm grab your chin before you could. "No, love, please. If you do that again I'm afraid I'm not gonna last."
Steven watched you lick your lips before shifting to trap his thumb in between your lips and softly suck on it. He couldn't stop the whine that slipped his lips at your action.
You eventually released his thumb from the confines of your mouth and came to stand over him with a smile. "Well then. Tell me what you want to do next. I'm all yours, baby, remember?"
Steven brought his hands to rest on your hips and leaned forward to press a soft kiss against your stomach. "I-uhh," his brows furrowed and he shook his head briefly as if sending away a thought.
"What is it, Steven?"
The man beneath you looked up to meet your eager eyes, suddenly confident enough to say what he wanted. "I really...really want to taste you."
You felt your breath hitch at his request. It was rare for a man to enthusiastically offer to go down on you. Though it was clear to you now that Steven was most definitely a rare man.
"You want to?" you felt your voice come out a lot more unsure than usual.
Steven's brows furrowed once again as a fleeting smile graced his lips at your response. "Of course I do, sweetheart. Do men not usually..."
You harshly exhaled. "I mean some do but I usually have to complain first or they do it cause they want me to return the favor," you admitted.
"They don't deserve you. No one does," Steven softly uttered, gazing up at you with eyes you were growing more fond of by the minute.
You quickly leaned down to meet him in a kiss in response. You didn't deserve him either.
Steven pulled you back into his lap and kissed you back eagerly. But he was the first to pull away, causing you to whine in a way that made his cock jump against your cunt. "I-I really did mean it, love, I need to taste you. Now."
You had never seen Steven so demanding. It had you throbbing in anticipation. You allowed him to lay you on your back and peel away your shorts and panties to reveal the part of you where you needed him most.
Steven looked starstruck as he examined your arousal. He moved closer and closer to your pussy, letting his warm breath fan over your glistening lips.
"Steven please-" you begged, though you couldn't finish your thought before your voice broke into a loud moan when Steven licked a stripe from your entrance to your swollen clit.
Steven closed his eyes, relishing his first taste of you. It was everything he'd quite literally dreamed of and more.
And so, he eagerly dived into your core.
Your hands flew to Steven's head working between your legs as your thighs instinctively closed around his head from the sudden wave of pleasure surging through you.
The feeling of your thighs trapping his head against your pussy was absolute bliss to Steven. He moaned into you as his tongue swirled around your clit sloppily. If he was inexperienced, you couldn't tell because every movement of his tongue brought you closer and closer to your release.
The vibrations of Steven's enjoyment drew a brief scream from your chest before you slapped a hand over your lips to silence it.
Steven finally came up for air, his lips and jaws covered in your slick. His curls were strewn along his forehead by a damp layer of sweat as his dilated pupils met your own. "C'mon. I want to hear those pretty noises you make for me, love," he said before running two of his fingers through your folds to gather some of your wetness and slowly inserting them into you.
"Oh my-STEVEN" your back arched up and off your bed as you felt immediately filled up by Steven's digits.
Steven gauged your reactions as he slowly removed his fingers before pushing them again with no resistance due to your arousal. "I've wanted this for so long, love," he began to speak as he slowly leaned down to press his lips against your clit in a kiss, "Wanted to hear you moaning my name," he sped up his fingers' movements inside you, "Wanted to taste you," he added another finger, now touching that spot inside your walls with every thrust, "You're so beautiful," he ended before fully diving back in with his tongue against your bud.
"Yes—fuck—you're so good to me baby," you finally gathered enough breath to speak while gaining a proper grip on his head. With every sharp lick or nip he'd make, you would tighten your grip on his hair and it would only spur him on further. It was only a matter of seconds from there before...
"Shit, I'm gonna cum, Steven," you called out, looking down to meet where he was already staring up at you, and speeding up his fingers and tongue's ministrations against you.
He held your stare once he felt your walls clench around his fingers and heard your moan melt into a scream.
"Fuck, fuck, FUCK," you shouted as your orgasm slammed into you thanks to Steven's eager tongue and fingers.
Steven watched your chest slow its heaving when your climax subsided and removed his fingers but couldn't stop himself from licking the remnants of your release from your folds. It was as if he was trying to work you up to another orgasm.
"Shit Steven wait," you mewled, attempting to close your legs from overstimulation. But Steven used strength you'd never known him to have to shove your legs back open and hold them in place, clearly intent on tasting every bit of what you had to offer.
Your eyes widened. "Holy fuck," you removed both your hands from Steven's head and ran them over your face and boobs. He was driving you absolutely insane. If it weren't for his grip on your legs you would be trembling beneath him.
It wasn't long before a second orgasm crept up on you, one more powerful than the last. Your lips parted in a silent scream as your climax washed over your entire body, from your thighs to your feet, to the base of your fucking spine.
Steven couldn't help but stare as he cleaned you up for the last time with his tongue. He couldn't believe he got to see this. To make you feel like this.
Your high subsided soon after and you released a sharp exhale followed by a laugh of disbelief.
Steven moved from his position on his knees before you to hover above you on your bed. "You okay, love?" he questioned in concern
You responded to his question with a satisfied grin. "I'm great, Stevie," you spoke before meeting his lips in a sweet kiss, "But..."
Steven's face fell at your words. He slowly moved from above you to lay next to you, scared to meet your eyes. "I did something wrong didn't I? Or did I forget to do something? I'm sorry-" he rambled, immediately doubting himself.
But his words died in his throat when you turned and caressed his cheek with a hand, your grin still present on your face. "You did nothing wrong," you insisted, "That was no doubt one of the best orgasms of my entire life."
Steven looked away and laughed at your confession. "You don't have to say that to make me feel better."
"I mean it, Steven," your voice grew stern, "That was fucking incredible."
Steven couldn't even formulate a response.
"What I was going to say was," you broke his silence, "I promised you could do bad things to my body and you haven't done nearly enough for me," you ended with a smirk.
Steven grunted when he felt your fingertips run along his cock.
"Don't you want to fuck me, Steven?" you questioned innocently while completely wrapping your hand around and stroking Steven's dick.
He nodded quickly, his bottom lip held between his teeth as he tried not to react to how soft your hand felt around his painfully hard cock. "I do. So badly, love."
You released him and brought a hand over to grab Steven's neck before using your grip to pull him back to his previous position above you. "Then fuck me, Steven. I need you to fuck me," you whispered.
Steven wasted no time in grabbing his length and lining himself up with your entrance. "Are you sure?" he checked in with you once more.
You jerked your hip in the direction of his cock in an effort to fill yourself up but to no avail. You were so damn desperate you didn't care how you sounded. "Yes Steven, please, I need you to fill me up. Fill me up baby, c'mon," you whined hurriedly.
"Well who am I to deny you of what you want, love?" he replied before slowly guiding himself into you.
He immediately groaned at the feeling of your walls squeezing him. "Heavens, love, you're so—aghh—tight," he grunted.
Your moans were never-ending as he sunk into you inch by inch. The stretch was briefly painful but it hurt so good you didn't care.Steven stopped halfway in and leaned down to press a kiss against your forehead. "You're taking me so well, sweetheart," he praised you.
You bit your lip at his praise. "More, Steven, keep going."
Steven obliged and fully sunk into you with one last push. Your moans mixed in the air at the sudden change. "You feel so good inside me Steven, oh my God-" you cried out.
You nearly choked on air when Steven slowly pulled out of your heat before slamming back into you.
"SHIT," you both cursed together before opening your eyes to look at each other.
"Faster, baby, I can take it I promise," you nodded, bringing your hands up to the sides of Steven's face. You even wrapped your legs around Steven's waist.
Steven took a deep breath before pulling out and rutting into you again, now establishing a pace. Which every thrust inside your cunt, Steven grazed your g-spot, effortlessly. It was as if you were built for his cock.
"Fuckin' love the way you fuck me, Steven," you mumbled as Steven set a brutal pace inside you.
Steven leaned down to press his forehead against yours as he continued to fuck you. Your breathing seemed to sync as he pulled out moan after moan from you.
His hands rested at the sides of your head but you could feel them inching closer to your neck.
Your pussy clenched around him at the thought of him choking you. Steven faltered in his thrusts in response. "Love you're squeezing me so hard I don't think I'm gonna last."
"Do it," you called out, tilting your head toward one of his hands.
"What?"
"I can see you thinking about it. Choke me, baby," your chest heaved as you felt your third orgasm of the night approaching.
Steven hesitated for a second before he stopped his thrusts and brought a shaky hand to wrap around your throat.
"I trust you, Steven," you spoke truthfully, "I want this too," you brought a hand to rest over Steven's briefly in reassurance.
Steven began roughly pounding you again with his hand now squeezing around your neck.
"Fuck yes, holy shit," you breathed out, feeling your eyes nearly roll to the back of your head with the newly added feeling of Steven's large hand wrapped around your throat. making you see stars.
Steven, although shocked by your immediate enjoyment of his secret guilty pleasure, took it as a sign to continue. So he trusted faster but made sure to maintain the same amount of pressure on your neck. He then got the idea to use his free hand to reach down and fiddle with your clit while fucking you.
You were instantly thrown over the edge. You came with as best a scream of Steven's name as you could manage with his hand still choking you. Chills ran down your spine while Steven slowed his thrusts inside you and waited for your orgasm to pass.
Eventually, you felt Steven release your neck and slowly begin to remove his cock from your cunt. You tightened your legs around his waist in protest. "Uh uh, we're not stopping till you come inside me, Steven," you demanded.
Steven loved the way you'd been taking control throughout all of this. He'd do anything you asked without a thought. "That's fine with me love," he nodded with a lopsided grin.
"Good," you deeply inhaled before using your hold on his waist to roll him onto his back, with you now straddling him.
You smiled at his shocked expression, which soon morphed into excitement. "You're bloody amazing," he grinned up at you.
You fought the heat that crawled onto your cheeks at his words and looked away with a smile. "Stop sweet talking me and fuck me, Steven."
He nodded quickly, "Yes ma'am." Steven slipped back into your entrance slowly.
But you grew impatient and fully sat down on his cock, loving how full he made you feel. Steven's cries met your ears soon after.
You grabbed his hands and placed each on one of your breasts before beginning to properly ride him. Steven heeded your directions and pawed at your chest while thrusting up to meet your hips.
His grunts soon became whimpers and whines as you rode him harder and faster, eager to make him cum.
"I'm almost there, love," he cried before sitting up and pulling you into his chest. His hands moved down to grip your waist where he guided you faster along his cock.
"There you go, Steven," you held his face against your own as his pace grew sloppy and his brown eyes slid shut.
"Cum for me, baby," you softly spoke with one last grind of your hips. Steven halted inside you with a broken sob of your name and filled you up with his warm release.
You moaned at the feeling of his spend coating your inner walls and leaned down to press a kiss to the top of his head. "You did so good Steven."
"I love you," his eyes finally opened while he panted, looking up at you with vulnerable eyes as if scared that you wouldn't feel the same after what you had just done together.
"I love you too," you replied without hesitation. You gently shoved Steven onto his back and followed suit, laying down on his chest as you gently removed his softening cock from inside you. You felt his hands move to wrap around your body soon after, bringing you further into his body.
Steven was the first to speak after some time. "I think you're the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time," he admitted, turning to look at you, not at all phased by the exhaustion in your features.
You leaned up to meet Steven in a heated kiss. He tightened his hold on you and met your lips with equal fervor. You pulled away reluctantly and looked down at his face with furrowed brows as you used a hand to trace his jaw and swollen lips. "Where have you been hiding my entire life, Steven Grant?"
"Haven't been hiding, love. I've just been here waiting for you."
° ° ° ° ° ° ° °
WHEW! This ABSOLUTELY got away from me holy shit. 6k words? yeah, not the plan at all. But hey it's definitely something considering that I haven't been able to sit down and write anything till tonight.
So I really do hope you enjoyed it.
(Lemme go look back through my requests and see what else I can cook up.)
2K notes · View notes
actual-changeling · 7 months
Text
"It would have been you."
It's raining.
Of course, it's raining.
A soft, constant drizzle leaving his hair a damp, curly mess that falls into his face and clings to his skin. Even though the cold is slowly seeping into his clothes, Crowley stops and turns around. Condensation is collecting on the inside of his shades where his breath drifts up, warm and too fast, and even if it hadn't been late at night, if the street hadn't been empty, he would have still taken them off.
Aziraphale is licking rain drops from his lips and blinking with dark, heavy lashes.
"What?"
His voice is rough, almost drowned out by the noise of rain hitting the pavement, collecting in small puddles around his feet.
"If it had been a choice, a real one, it would have been you."
The world did not end, questions were answered, apologies spoken, but their last conversation before everything went to shit is still a sharp splinter lodged in his chest, cutting him open more and more with every heartbeat. All of the fears he had left unsaid, the viscous doubt pooling in his lungs and weighing down his breaths—the truth might tip the scales and finally destroy him, and yet he cannot bring himself to stop Aziraphale from talking.
"It has always been you, Crowley. You must know that."
"I don't."
Bitterness laces his voice despite his best intentions, a drop of oil tainting an entire river, six thousand years of history, and it hurts because it's the truth, because they both wish it wasn't.
He doesn't know, couldn't know, because Aziraphale always needed him to stop them, to step back when they got too close. Every single time he had tried to push, gone too bloody fast, the angel had recoiled, scared for him, scared for the both of them. Crowley knows, and at the same time, he doesn't, because he still has hope and there is nothing more dangerous than allowing it to bloom; it's small, withered, brittle, on the verge of death and has been for centuries.
(It's still there, though. It keeps fighting, keeps trying. Keeps hoping.)
They're drenched to the bone, wet and pathetic, and there is nothing romantic about any of it when Aziraphale retraces his steps and closes the distance between them; there is, however, love.
There has always been love, whether they could admit it or not.
"I'm sorry. For- for everything, for making you think that I don't care about you."
"Angel, don't lie-"
"I'm not lying."
Crowley stares, frozen to the spot when Aziraphale presses cold, wet palms to his cheeks, his breath a ghost of warmth on his skin. This is too much, too close to 'our side', and if he didn't know better (does he know better? does he really?) he would think that he is about to—
"I'm not lying," he whispers, broken, truthful, "I love you. I won't leave you."
The rain stings in his eyes, masking the tears—hot and wistful—meeting Aziraphale's skin where it is touching his.
"Don't make promises you can't keep, angel."
His voice cracks and so does his heart, and he can feel the walls they have built together crumbling to dust under their feet. It's not real, it can't be real, and yet the truth is shimmering in storm-blue eyes he has been carrying with him since the moment he first put stars into the sky.
"It's you, always has been, always will be. If you let me."
Crowley kisses him as he falls apart, barely healed fractures reopening as his essence spills over and out, drowning him in please, please be real, please let us have this, please, God.
Just this once.
Aziraphale holds his face so incredibly gently, as if it's something worth keeping, something to protect, something he is afraid to lose. When the ground doesn't open up and swallow them whole, when the sky doesn't reach for them with greedy hands, he allows himself to seize Aziraphale's face in turn, cupping his jaw and kissing the rain drops off his lips, his cheeks, the tip of his nose, tasting his tears when they begin to fall.
"It's always been you. God, of course I will let you."
Sapphire blue eyes blink up at him, a smile pressed against his lips, a smile he can feel, a smile that is for him, them.
"Perhaps you could let me somewhere less, ah, sopping wet?"
"I was right, though. It's the rain that did it."
Aziraphale laughs, bright and happy, and infectious enough to make Crowley laugh too, and grabs his hand to pull him back towards the bookshop - back home.
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flightlessangelwings · 5 months
Text
Right Where We Belong
Loki x gn!reader
Word count- 3.7k
Dialogue prompt- “ you underestimate how much you mean to me. i wasn’t about to let them hurt you. and i certainly wasn’t about to let them even consider killing you. “ Action prompt-[ SECRET ]: sender, having been secretly following the receiver, saves their life from an immediate threat while remaining hidden from the receiver.
Warnings- s.mut (18+ ONLY!), protective!Loki, mutual pining, harassment, kidnapping, minor character death offscreen, feelings, romantic s.ex, praise, takes place mostly in a woodsy/forest area but I left it open as to where in the world it is, pet names (lovely, darling), no use of y/n
Notes- For my Year of Protectiveness @yearofcreation2023 . I've actually had a rough idea of this story in my head for about a year it just took some time to flesh it out and get it right. For that reason too, there's no series spoilers and is ambiguous as to where it fits on the timeline so you can imagine whenever.
This can be read as a prequel to In My Arms (Over and Over Again) but it can be read on its own. That fic is one of my pride and joys though so I recommend reading it after this one! Enjoy!
@flightlessangelwings-updates is my update blog so feel free to also follow that and turn on post notifs to stay up to date on when I post new stuff!
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~
Midgard… Earth. It was the last place Loki ever expected to find himself, let alone willingly. Yet, it was the last place anyone would ever think to look for him. So it’s where he found himself when he wanted to be alone, unbothered by any pressures that surrounded him.
Loki had no idea where on the planet he was, but it didn’t matter. The trees of the forest surrounded him and created a shelter of peace where he would just breathe. The warmth of the sun hit his skin, and the fresh air from the trees filled his lungs. It was refreshing. It was peaceful. It was everything he needed.
But, as he made his way through the forest with his eyes closed, listening to the sound of the birds around him, another sound made his eyes shoot open. The roar of a large animal snapped any notion of peace out of Loki’s mind as he found himself nearly face to face with bared, sharp teeth. He wasn’t worried, though, and he smirked as he brandished his dagger in his hand.
Just as Loki was about to attack, however, a voice from behind him made him freeze.
“Wait!”
Loki paused.
The voice continued, “It’s not aggressive, not really,” you were calm as you spoke, “Keep eye contact and back away slowly and it’ll leave you alone. There’s no need to kill it.”
Loki pondered his options. He could easily kill the beast and be done with it. But, there was something about your voice that swayed him, so he did as you instructed. Slowly, he stepped back, putting more distance between himself and the wild animal until it stopped growling and turned away. As it did so, Loki let out a deep breath. 
You also let out a sigh of relief as the tall stranger with black hair got closer to you, “She’s just defending herself,” you explained, “Must be a den or a nest around here somewhere. I bet she just had babies too.”
A smirk lit up Loki’s face, “Would you give that benefit of a doubt to anyone?” he asked as he turned to face you, revealing his face to you.
You gasped as you brought your hands to your face, “You’re…” your body tensed as you clearly recognized who you found in the woods, “Loki…”
“Would you have said the same thing if you knew who I was?” Loki challenged, yet no malice was heard in his voice, “Would you grant me the same courtesy?”
Silence filled the air between the two of you for several moments, the tension palpable. But, you exhaled, releasing the tension in your body as you did so, “I guess I would be a hypocrite if I said no, huh?” you said, trying to ease the tension.
Somehow, it worked, and it made Loki let out a genuine laugh. Something he hadn’t done in so long, and if he had to admit, felt nice. “What is your name?” he asked.
You told him. 
“Lovely,” Loki said genuinely.
It all blossomed from there. You and Loki fell into conversation easily and naturally, as if you had known each other for a lifetime. And the more time you spent in his presence, the more at ease you felt, not that you were scared of him in the first place. Nervous, yes, but Loki had a calming air about him, and something told you it was ok. And Loki, for one reason or another, felt comfortable around you. You had the same calming aura about you that Loki felt drawn to, and he found he actually wanted to stay and talk to you longer.
That never happened with anyone before… Loki wondered why that was. 
Before you knew it, the sun started to set, and you looked up with a gasp, “It’s getting late,” you breathed, “I…” you paused as you stared into Loki’s eyes, “I should go.”
Loki bid you farewell with a nod and watched you leave. And he already decided he was going to keep an eye on you until you were safe. He wasn’t going to let you know, though, and he stayed in the shadows, keeping watch over you from afar. And as he did, he couldn’t help but notice the new feeling in his chest. Sure, Loki had bedded princes and princesses, lords and ladies, and common men and women. But, you… you were different. And he couldn’t help the feeling of fondness towards you.
You seemed to know the path well, and you made your way to the clearing at the edge of the woods in no time. Behind you was the fantasy world, the forest, the place where your life just changed forever. In front of you was the real world, civilization, the daily grind. Taking a deep breath, you took the first step back into reality. 
But, as you started to leave, you suddenly found that you were not alone. A chill ran up your spine as a group of men whistled at you, and closed in on you quickly.
“Hey there sweetheart,” one of them grinned darkly.
You didn’t reply, but your hands shook as you looked around for an escape plan.
“Oh come on, don’t be like that,” another chimed in, “We just want to talk to you.”
A whimper escaped your lips as you hated the helpless feeling that came over you. But, a growl in the distance called all your attention, and everyone snapped over and saw a shadowy creature. All that was visible were glowing eyes and sharp teeth, but it was enough to scare the men away. You, on the other hand, backed away and tried to make yourself smaller in hopes that whatever it was would chase them, and you let out a heavy breath when you felt a rush of wind past you and heard a roar in the distance where the men ran off to.
You stood still for several moments as you processed what happened. For some time, you didn’t dare move, yet something within said you were safe. There was a familiar feeling around the air, as if you were being watched. Yet, you didn’t feel threatened like with the men who approached you. Looking around, you took one tentative step away from where you stood  in hopes of finding someone, yet you were alone. After letting out a deep breath, you turned and left, smirking to yourself; you had a hunch who was responsible for the shadowy creature that saved your life. After all, you did notice that the shadowy creature had bright green eyes.
In the shadows, Loki smiled with satisfaction.
*
One week to the day later, you found yourself back at the same spot. You weren't sure why or what you were expecting, yet you couldn’t help but find your way back there. The sun shone through the trees, warming your skin, and you felt at peace here.
“Well, it looks as if you and I had similar ideas, darling,” a voice chimed through the trees.
“Loki,” you breathed as you turned around and met his gaze. The tension you momentarily held in your shoulders melted away and you grinned widely, “Were you stalking me?” you asked cheekily.
“Never,” Loki replied, “It seems mere coincidence that we both came back to this spot on the same day.”
You gave him a pointed look, but the smirk never left your face, keeping the tone light.
“I promise,” Loki raised his hands in mock surrender, “I’ll never lie to you, my lovely.”
Your breath caught in your throat as the world around you suddenly felt hot, “I.. Uhhh,” you stumbled over your words, unsure of how to respond, “Thanks,” you decided on in a low mumble.
Loki returned the grin you gave him earlier, “Shall we sit, darling?” 
It turned into a routine for the two of you. Every week on the same day at the same time, you and Loki met in the woods. It was your escape from the world for both of you. It became a comfort for each of you to seek solace in the other. Although neither of you ever officially made plans, or said you’d be back the next week, you always were. 
For you, it was an escape from your life, from your stresses, to meet with Loki. And though you never thought you’d make friends with a Norse god, you were grateful for him. You tried to ignore the way your heart fluttered when you realized tomorrow was your meeting day, and you forced your heart to calm its wild beating as you stood in the woods waiting for him.
And as for Loki, he felt the same way. He never expected to find peace and solidarity on earth, and he certainly didn’t expect to fall… Loki laughed at himself, for so long he chastised his brother for loving someone from earth and here he was… They have more in common than Loki cared to admit. And he wasn’t ready to fully admit his feelings for you yet. They were there though.
Loki paced around the forest; it was unusual for you to not be there waiting for him. It was rare he felt nervous, but Loki couldn’t help the sinking feeling in his gut. Everything in him screamed that something was wrong, and after he waited long enough, Loki decided he was going to look for you.
And may the gods help if anyone hurt you…
*
You groaned as your body ached. The last thing you remembered was that you were on your way to meet Loki for your weekly rendezvous when you bumped into a group of men who looked like they were up to go good. You gasped and tried to run, but one of them grabbed you. You tried to scream, but no one heard you, and the last thing you heard before a cloth covered your face was, “Wrong place wrong time, sweetheart.”
And that was how you found yourself in a locked room tied to a chair, blindfolded and gagged. You wiggled in your binds as much as you could, but it was no use. They were tied too tight, and you had no idea where you were anyway even if you could break free. You didn’t even know what time or what day it was. And you whimpered softly when you realized that you would most likely never see Loki again…
Or so you thought.
Gunshots and screams from a distance called your attention and you snapped up to strain to listen. You faced where the source of the sound was, even if you couldn’t see anything. You didn’t dare move, however, since you had no idea what was happening. Were you going to be safe with whoever attacked the men who kidnapped you? Or would it be worse? You held your breath, pressing your lips together as you tried to calm your trembling hands.
The screaming went on for what felt like hours, and you could only imagine what the men were fighting in their last moments. Part of you didn’t want to dwell on it, but part of you had to have hope that whoever it was would be your savior. You never, however, expected to hear your name after the screaming stopped.
“Loki?” you whispered. When his voice called your name again, you shouted back, “Loki!”
The door burst open, and you heard Loki breathe your name in relief as he rushed over and untied you, “You’re alright, it’s me.”
“Loki?” tears filled your eyes as you were filled with disbelief that he was actually here. He actually came. For you. “You…?”
“I’m here,” he cupped your face, “Are you hurt?”
You shook your head as you felt your body tremble, “A little sore, but I’m ok,” you froze as you looked into his eyes and your heart skipped a beat at the look on his face, “Loki… You… You came for me?” your voice was shaky. 
Loki grinned, “Darling… You underestimate how much you mean to me. I wasn't about to let them hurt you. and I certainly wasn’t about to let them even consider killing you.”
Before you could stop yourself, you lunged forward and kissed him deeply. Your bodies smashed together as you pushed everything you had into him, clinging to him hard. You trembled as your emotions overwhelmed you and for a moment, you lost yourself into the feeling of Loki’s lips. It brought a comfort unlike anything you were expecting, and a lone tear fell down your cheek. But, then you realized what you did.
“I’m sorry,” you breathed as you tried to pull away, “I don’t know what came over me.”
Loki just mumbled your name as he cupped your chin and gently turned you so you met his gaze. There was a sure look in his eyes, and it told you everything you needed to know. This time, it was Loki who closed the gap between your faces, kissing you once more. His kiss was more tender, but very purposeful, and Loki wasted no time in darting his tongue past your lips.
You moaned into the kiss as you lost yourself in the emotions once more. For a moment, you forgot where you were as Loki became your entire world. Nothing existed beyond him and his kiss. And the taste of him was immediately intoxicating.
But, neither of you could stay like that forever, and after one last peck on your lips, Loki broke away. He stayed close to you, however, and his voice stayed low and soft and comforting, “Let’s get you out of here.”
Without a word, you nodded.
*
“Sorry it’s not much,” you stood nervously at your front door as you let Loki inside your place, “It must be completely different than what you’re used to…”
Loki caressed you as he reassured you, “It’s wonderful, darling,” he purred. Truthfully, he wasn’t even paying much attention to your place; Loki couldn’t take his eyes off of you.
Feeling his heavy gaze on you, you turned back from where your eyes wandered around the living space and you felt a tingle up your spine at the way Loki eyed you, “Loki…” you whispered. 
Time felt like it stopped as you stared into each other’s eyes. Your breath caught in your chest as you felt your heart pound. Between the way his hands cradled your form and the way he looked at you with those dark eyes, you knew exactly what Loki was thinking. And before you lost your nerve, you made your move.
You crashed yourself into him as you pressed your lips into his. Loki immediately yanked your close, his hands roaming up and down your sides as he deepened the kiss. Both of you moaned into each other as you savored the taste of the other. Heat rose in the room as passions erupted, and there was only one thing on both of your minds.
“Bedroom is this way,” you murmured, your tone low, “You want to…?”
“I thought you’d never ask, my lovely,” Loki smirked.
Sliding your hand in his, you led the way, and Loki kept a cheeky grin on his face as he waved his hand the moment you crossed into the bedroom. Suddenly, all your clothes were piled neatly on the dresser, his next to yours. Before you could react to his antic, Loki pounced on you, crashing both your bodies onto the bed.
You landed on your back with Loki overtop of you. You gasped as you found yourself in such a vulnerable position, yet you weren’t scared. You could never be scared of Loki. No, there was a different feeling that pulsed through your veins, and it made your body warm at the thought of what was to come. 
Loki hovered over you, his hands on either side of your body. As he trailed up and down your figure with his eyes, Loki felt his cock harden and his heartbeat quicken, “You are absolutely lovely,” he purred, “A decadence of perfection.”
All you could do was whimper as your mind went blank. No one ever whispered such sweet and beautiful words to you, or about you, before. Your hands roamed all over Loki’s bare chest, and you felt a rush of need between your legs as he groaned at your touch. “Please, Loki,” you whispered, “Don’t tease me right now.”
He smiled down at you as he caressed the side of your head, “Don’t worry, darling,” Loki’s tone was just as low as yours, “Let me show you how a god makes love.”
The moan you let out echoed in the room as Loki leaned in and attached his lips to your skin. With expert precision, he nibbled and licked and sucked at every spot that made you mewl, as if he had touched you a thousand times before. Loki groaned into your skin as he kissed his way across your chest before latching onto your nipple.
You arched your back, allowing Loki more access to your body as you dug into his shoulders. Your mind swam in pleasure as he swirled his tongue around your nipple, driving you wild. Bucking your hips into his, you murmured his name once more, begging him for more.
“I’ve got you, darling,” Loki hummed as he kissed his way back up your body, “Exquisite,” his voice was a low rumble that went right to your core. Loki noticed of course, “You like that, darling?” he asked, amused.
He didn’t give you the chance to properly answer as he rocked his hips against yours, dragging his cock between your legs. The action made you moan even louder and you dropped your head down onto the mattress. “Fuck… Loki…”
He exhaled sharply with a grin as he did it again, feeling a tingle up his down spine as he rocked himself against your body. But, as much as Loki wanted to prolong this, the way you cried out, and especially moaned his name, made him more impatient than usual. “Are you ready, darling?” he asked as he reached between your bodies and lined his cock up with your entrance.
“Yes,” you replied immediately, “Please, Loki.”
Loki groaned as he slowly pushed himself inside you, feeling your warmth engulf him. Both of you gasped loudly as he filled you inch by inch. You cried out as he pushed deeper inside you, and you wrapped your arms and legs around him as much as you could, holding him tightly.
Once Loki’s hips met yours, he immediately started a slow yet harsh pace. Skin slapped against skin as Loki drove his cock into you over and over again. Your mouth dropped open as the moans and cries flowed freely- music to his ears.
“That’s it, darling,” Loki purred, “So beautiful…” he mourned your name as he lost himself in you.
As Loki’s cock hit that one spot deep inside you, your eyes shot open and you screamed louder, “Loki! Fuck! Yes!”
He growled as he picked up his pace, aiming for that spot every time, “I’m close too, darling,” he groaned, “Fuck, you’re so lovely.”
“Loki…” you whimpered as you saw stars and felt your skin tingle.
It only took a few more thrusts for you to completely fall apart and you came with a loud scream. Your nails dug into his skin as your entire body trembled. Never in your life had you felt a pleasure like this, and it brought fresh tears to your eyes from the overwhelming sensations.
Loki groaned as he watched the spectacle you put on just for him. His arms trembled as he fought to keep himself overtop of you, not wanting to miss a moment of your climax. Although you couldn’t hear over your screams, Loki mumbled soft praises as you came on his cock. And he had never seen anything in the nine realms more beautiful than you were right there in that moment.
And that was when Loki couldn’t hold back any more. He came hard, his own orgasm overtaking his entire body. And Loki did something he had never done before in bed- he moaned your name as he spilled himself deep inside you. Tears of his own formed in the corners of his eyes as he gave one last thrust before he fell forward.
Heavy breaths filled the room as you both came down from your highs. Loki placed a series of feather light kisses on your skin wherever he could reach as he caressed your body tenderly. Once he gathered his strength, he carefully pulled out of you, kissing the side of your head as you gasped. Loki didn’t go far, though, and he settled in your bed with you gathered safely and secretly in his arms. Together, the two of you laid like that for several moments in a comfortable silence.
Until you broke it with a question that had been on your mind for some time, “Why me?” you asked. 
Loki grinned, “Remember the day we first met?” he paused as you nodded, “You can see beyond what’s in front of you, and that, my lovely, is a rare occurrence in the universe,” Loki cradled you in his arms as you let out a deep breath, “Sleep now. I’ll watch over you. You’re always safe with me.” He placed a feather light kiss on your head.
“I know I am,” you yawned contently, “Loki I…” you fell asleep mid thought.
Loki watched you for some time as he whispered to your sleeping form, “I’ll protect you, darling. No one will ever harm you again, I’ll make sure of it.” 
As Loki watched you sleep, he noticed that the beat of your heart was the exact same rhythm that drew him to earth time and time again. It was like a siren song that called out to him although neither if you were aware of it. Was it soulmates, as your people would call it? Perhaps… but Loki was never one to believe such fables… until now. He smirked to himself before he fell asleep in the last place he expected. But it was right where he belonged. And you were right where you belonged: safely in his arms.
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baiwu-jinji · 1 month
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I read the new TGCF extra about Xie Lian seeing Hua Cheng half awake with dishevelled hair and no eye patch, and Hua Cheng got really insecure about gege seeing his unkempt appearance, not realising that what XL loves is his true appearance without any disguise or beautification.
In this chapter, both XL and HC had moments of self-doubt and insecurity despite the fact that they've always given each other endless reassurance and approval, which is very human (although neither of them are). When HC rushed out of bed in the morning because he didn't want XL to see his blind eye, XL's first reaction was to doubt and question himself about whether he did anything wrong to upset HC - and yet we see HC telling XL in the same chapter that "dianxia will never not be good". And even though XL thinks HC is the most goregous person he's ever seen, HC is still insecure about his disfigurement and only wants to show his perfect side to XL (and even when it's HC who said "what matters is you and not the state of you" to XL, he doesn't seem to realise that this applies to XL's perception of him too).
XL eventually persuaded HC to let down his guard and show his true form, and I love the description of it: "He's no longer using his disguised appearance; a few strands of long hair hang loosely in front of his hollow eye, a little ghastly and fearsome, a little tragically beautiful." XL loves HC's ghastly hollow eye as much as his glamorous beauty because the hollow eye is a testament to all of HC's struggles and pain, and XL understands HC's suffering and feels deep sorrow and empathy for the tragedy of it.
What I also find interesting is when HC tells XL that the chopsticks he's using is made from the bone of a jade demon, and XL jokingly asks HC if he obtained the bone by beating the demon up, HC answers: "No way! What kind of bad guy does gege take me to be? Why would San Lang hit someone for no reason?" I find this to be a contrast to the amoral attitude HC showed when XL expressed concern about the Gambler's Den in chapter 40. Back then HC didn't care if hosting deadly gambling games is moral or not, because "someone's got to run this place". But in this extra, HC cares about XL's opinion and wants to be good. Did XL tame HC in a moral sense? hehe
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roosterforme · 7 months
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Adult Education Part 4 | Hangman x OC
Summary: Jake gets some more insider information about Jessica, and he decides to let her know exactly what he intends to do next. The heated moments in her office are about to boil over, until Jessica is hit with the feeling that Jake is starting to run cold. 
Warnings: Fluff, angst, swearing, eventually 18+
Length: 4100 words
Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Female OC
This story is part of the Beer Boy and Sugar universe but can be read on its own! Adult Education masterlist
Seriously, who let Jake on my masterlist!? Banner by @mak-32
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"Did you get her number yet?" Bradley asked in the locker room on Monday morning while Jake was changing into his flight suit.
Very begrudgingly, he said, "No, I did not." It had been almost a full day since he emailed Jessica, and all he got in return was radio silence. 
"Damn... I've been messing around with my wife all over campus. I got a blowjob in a lecture hall last week, and you still don't have a phone number?"
Jake just rolled his eyes and said, "I'm hoping I'll see her again tomorrow."
"Sugar was right," Bradley said, shaking his head as he zipped up his own flight suit. "You're losing your touch."
Jake slammed his locker closed. "It's not like she's some random tag chaser from the Hard Deck, okay?" he growled. "She's smart, and she's gorgeous. And I doubt she's handing her phone number out to anyone who looks at her. I'm not in a rush for once."
Bradley smirked and held his fist out. Jake very slowly hit it with his own fist. "What is this?" he asked cautiously after the fist bump. "Why are you smiling like that?"
"Sugar said she'd eat lunch with Dr. Reed today and try to see what's up, but only if I could determine if you really liked her and weren't just trying to fuck her."
Jake stopped the smart response on his lips before the words came out. He still wasn't sure what kind of rumors were circulating about Jessica, and he definitely didn't want to add to anything by coming on too strong or being an ass. Part of him was convinced he needed Bradshaw's wife on his side to make it to the next step. So he said, "I've been spending the vast majority of my time thinking about cooking dinner for her while she reads to me from a scientific journal. Not sure if that's the kind of information your wife is looking for."
Bradley looked shocked and his face paled. "Huh. If she has a titty tattoo, you're screwed, man. Completely fucked." But he was reaching for his phone now. "I'll text my wife and let her know."
"Thanks," Jake grunted, checking his email app one last time before closing his locker and heading out toward the hangar. As he looked over his jet and filled in the safety protocol sheets, he kept thinking about her. She would be fascinated by this, seeing all of her mathematical knowledge playing out. He could take her up in the air with him, and she would be delighted the entire time.
Jake would have already taken Jessica out to dinner last night and dropped her off at home with a kiss. But this wasn't playing out the way he imagined it would. If Bradshaw's wife didn't help clue him in on what was going on here, then tomorrow would be his last attempt. He was on the verge of getting his hopes up. He couldn't even look at the patch on his flight suit the same way anymore. Not after her elegant fingers had skimmed along the golden threads. 
But he pushed everything from his mind the best he could, and he got up in the air for the training exercises with Phoenix and Bob. But when he got back to his locker around five o'clock, he saw an email from Jessica that had been sent eight hours ago. Jake nearly dropped his phone as he tried to open the app.
Dear Lieutenant Seresin,
I'm so pleased to hear that you enjoy the journals as much as I do. If you keep reading them from front cover to back cover, I'm sure you'll be rewarded with the knowledge that you're craving. I might even have to pull some of my own published articles for you to read... if you think you can handle that sort of thing.
My equations are not for the faint of heart. Bring your pencil on Tuesday but leave your skateboard. I wouldn't want to have to lecture you about skating in the academic buildings. We could be there all night. 
Perpetually looking forward to my office hours now,
Dr. Jessica Reed, Ph.D
P.S.- If you liked that photo and are well behaved, maybe you can have more. Ones that aren't listed on the university website.
Jake had to juggle his phone again as he read the post script. "Holy shit," he drawled, his eyes skimming along the words a second and third time. He was in. He had to be? This was sent before any sort of lunch could have happened between his favorite physics professor and his favorite math professor. "Shit, shit, shit. Bradshaw!" Jake ran back past the lockers and toward the showers. "Bradshaw!"
"What?" Bradley called back from one of the stalls where steam was rising from the top, voice echoing loudly.
"What did your wife say?" Jake asked impatiently. 
"Jesus, Hangman. I don't know. I haven't checked my phone yet."
Jake sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. "Well, how much longer are you going to be?"
"For fuck's sake! I don't know! I'm literally taking a shower. Is nothing sacred?"
Jake muttered, "I really need your wife's phone number," as he wandered back to sit on the bench in front of his locker and read the email again. 
A few minutes later, a glaring Bradley strolled back over in his towel, reached into his locker and tapped his passcode into his phone. "Here, knock yourself out," he said, handing it to Jake. But then he snatched it back quickly with a look of panic. "Actually, let me just scroll and make sure she didn't send a dirty picture," he mumbled, swiping along his phone screen. "Nah, you're good."
Jake quickly found the one long message at the bottom of the thread and started to read it. 
Thanks for packing my lunch today. I feel ridiculously spoiled when everyone else has to eat a sad looking microwave meal or grab something from that horrifying food truck next to Chippy's. You're the absolute best. 
Jake glanced to where Bradshaw was getting dressed and fixing his hair. You might not immediately know it by interacting with him, but the man clearly loved his wife. 
I shared some of the veggies and hummus with Jessica. I still don't know what went down with her and Brian Conley, but it's creepy the way he looks at her. But anyway, lunch was nice. I think I made a new friend? Because she's not annoying or old or a man, and she doesn't try to talk over everyone else. Oh, and she's definitely into Jake. She started to fidget and adjust her glasses when I told her that I saw him at the Hard Deck over the weekend and he asked about her. She's cute as a button. Tell Jake to just Keep Truckin' (that's a Grateful Dead reference for you, Beer Boy. Reward me later.)
"Truly, the two of you are disgusting," Jake said as he reached for his own phone. "I'm saving your wife's phone number." Once he had it saved in his contacts, he gave Bradley his phone back. "Thanks."
"Sure," Bradley grunted. "She get you what you were hoping for?"
Jake just smirked. "Dr. Tits never lets me down."
----------------------------
Jessica tried not to let her hesitancy show when she was invited to have lunch with the only female with tenure in the math department. This wasn't even the first time recently that she thought she might be able to make a friend at work, but she didn't want to get ahead of herself. One small step at a time with these things. She still wasn't exactly sure who to trust around here. 
But when the other woman knocked on her door promptly at noon, Jessica opened her door and smiled. "Do you want to eat in here?" she asked, noting the lunchbox the other woman was holding which had a funky tie dye print. 
"Sure, AP," she replied with a smile. Jessica's heart swelled with happiness; they actually had nicknames for each other. Advanced Physics and Advanced Calculus.
"Have a seat, AC," she said, gesturing to the chair opposite her desk. Jessica knew her husband worked with Jake, and she really wanted to ask about him. But out of extreme caution, she kept her mouth shut as far as he was concerned. The last thing Jessica wanted was to make this kind female who was close to her own age and who seemed really cool thinking she was only interested in talking about the aviator she was crushing on. Instead she said, "So, tell me more about the mythical math department where they give tenure to women."
Then as she opened up the meal that her husband packed, she regaled Jessica with tales of fair treatment and an office with a view. And then she offered to share her lunch as Jessica ate a hot pocket. And while Jessica was munching on a carrot stick, the other woman said, "I was at this naval hangout over the weekend with my husband, and Jake was there. He asked me about you."
Jessica sat up straighter in her seat. There was still no response to her email from this morning, but she doubted Jake was allowed to just play around on his phone while operating a seventy million dollar aircraft. She slid her glasses a little further up her nose and said, "In an effort not to sound completely boy crazy... what did he want to know?"
She snorted. "Everything."
And that's when Jessica started to panic. Everyone in this part of San Diego State University had surely heard some rumors about her and Brian. She was mortified that this woman might have told Jake the truth. If she even knew the truth. But one of the lies or rumors would be just as bad. She wanted to hide under her desk now, and all she could manage to say was, "Oh."
But she just kept going. "Between you and me, Jake's going a little crazy that you apparently won't let him have your phone number? Which I think is absolutely what that man needs. So keep up the good work. He's too handsome, and he knows it. I don't think he's ever encountered someone like you before."
Jessica looked at her with wide eyes. "Be honest with me. How soon is he going to lose interest in a nerd who collects journals and does math problems for fun?"
But she just shook her head. "Lose interest? Probably never. Get frustrated and think you're not interested? Hmmm. I'm not sure."
But Jessica could feel her neck growing warm. She'd been pretty forward in her email to him earlier, and she knew exactly what she wanted to do. "Nobody could lose interest in Jake," she murmured, helping herself to some more carrot sticks. 
"Listen," the other woman said. "This is just from Advanced Calculus to Advanced Physics, okay?"
"Okay," Jessica replied with a laugh.
"Jake could probably get any woman he wanted, but he hasn't had much exposure to anyone except hardass military officers and tag chasers. I'd say you fall somewhere in between. Just be careful, okay?"
Jessica nodded in agreement, unsure exactly what she was agreeing to. But she found she liked the idea of falling somewhere in between for Jake. In her mind, it made her more unique than she actually felt. 
On Tuesday morning, she dressed in a matching set of lingerie just like she always did. But she chose a deep wine red, because it made her feel bold. And if Jake followed through with what he said, then he would be stopping by her office later today. Bold might be a necessity.
She was running her finger along the strap of her bra before tucking it into her lightweight sweater as her computer booted up. She had her coffee on her desk, but she didn't need it. She was so excited and filled with adrenaline, she felt like she might bounce around her small office. Then she gasped; there was a new email from jake.seresin waiting for her.
Dear Dr. Reed,
I'm hoping you'll have some time for me later today. I'm also thinking that one of these visits, my luck will run out. Will somebody else skateboard off with your heart? Will I have to compete with a whole line of aviators with detailed physics notes and sharpened pencils?
I won't be able to stand the heartache, so I wanted to let you know now that I'm going to ask you out tonight. I'm going to try to persuade you to join me at Chippy's for more beer and peanuts on Wednesday. I want you to have some time to think about your answer. Because if that's not something you want to do, then I'm going to need you to let me down very gently, Jessica. 
See you when I report to your office hours,
Jake
P.S.- If there actually is a whole line of aviators, I wouldn't be surprised in the least.
Oh, he was so smooth. And funny. And he was giving her the whole day to decide what she wanted to do. Jessica squeaked and smiled behind her coffee cup. He must have sensed her hesitance, but he didn't seem annoyed. Rather he seemed like going to Chippy's with her again would make him really happy. Chippy's of all places. Her of all women. 
With a few minutes until her schedule really started for the day, she stood and knelt in her dress pants in front of her bookshelf. There was a specific journal with a specific article that would be just perfect for what she had planned. Once she located it, she tucked it away in her top drawer, and then she went back for a few more journals that she could send home with Jake. 
And as far as Chippy's went, she knew exactly what she wanted to do. Last time they were there, she'd had the best time talking to him, and they hadn't even gotten into many personal topics. Of course she did run away terrified that he was trying to two time his wife or girlfriend. But this time around would be different. 
She snatched up her folders and lecture notes and locked her door behind her, knowing she would have to contend with Luca and all of her other students before she would get to see Jake at all. So she buckled down and got to work. Three lectures, one lab class and one recitation later, she wandered back up to her office, absolutely starving and exhausted. 
The sad salad she pulled out of her mini fridge and the thermos of lemonade would just have to do. It was already after three o'clock, and she had exams to grade. The fact that she had the worst schedule out of everyone in the physics department was not lost on her as she forced her salad down and dreamed about something homemade. It was ridiculous how jealous she was of the packed lunches that her calculus counterpart always had. 
Two huge stacks of exams later, Jessica made note that she had five students who were failing their classes. Gently, she removed her glasses and let her forehead come to rest on her desk. Her office hours were about to begin, and as excited as she had been to see Jake earlier this morning, she kind of wished more of her students would visit her. It was early in the term, and they had time to turn their grades around, but still. 
At 5:30 she propped her door open and waited. As long as Dr. Leeland didn't stop by today, she'd call it a win. She gave extra practice problems to Nia, and she helped Benji correct his mistakes on his lab calculations, and then she waited. After she checked the time on her computer, she turned off the monitor. It was 6:45. She'd been on campus since 8:00. She was hungry again. And she was starting to feel like an idiot.
"Reedy."  
Her eyes met his pretty green ones instantly. Perched in her open doorway with his notebook in hand, he looked like everything she wanted. Jeans and a black tee replaced his uniform today, and he was just stupidly handsome. 
"Jake."
He nodded toward the hallway, and she saw a sharpened pencil tucked behind his ear. "Would you like me to close the door?"
"Please," she replied softly as she stood behind her desk. When the door clicked into place, she imagined herself locking it and doing the dirtiest things in her office with Jake Seresin. These same thoughts circulated her brain as she tried to fall asleep every night now. She'd have him pushed up against the wall with her lips on his neck. Or she'd push him down onto her chair and straddle one thick thigh.
She was jarred back to reality as he made his way over to her desk with a soft smile. "I tried my hand at some of these equations," he drawled. "Can't quite figure them out. Don't seem to have the right numbers."
Then he reached up, and Jessica watched him take that pencil into his hand. "Would you like me to show you how it's done?" she asked with a smirk. 
"Oh, you know I would." Hungry eyes roamed over her face as he handed the pencil over to her. His fingers felt rough when they brushed hers, and she had to fight to keep her mind focused on the math in his notebook. 
"Have a seat," she told him, and she knew the fun was just about to begin. 
-------------------------
Jake eased himself down into the chair opposite Jessica's desk, and he looked up at her where she stood. She had his pencil in her hand, and as she reached into her drawer to retrieve her calculator, he watched her pretty, red sweater slide a few inches down her shoulder revealing her bra strap. It was a darker shade of red. It looked beautiful against her skin. 
"You're using the wrong formulas," she said with a smirk. "You can't expect the physics problems to respond to the wrong math."
"Show me how it's done, Jessica." 
She bit her lip, and when she bent at the waist, Jake couldn't fathom how her students were able to pay attention in her classes. Her body was absolutely sinful looking. And when the tip of his pencil pressed against the notebook page, Jake's eyes drifted to the front of her sweater. That bra was even prettier than he imagined. His cock pulsed in his snug jeans. Lace. Just lace and her gorgeous cleavage. 
He grunted and her eyes met his. Was she doing this on purpose? Did she know how good she looked to him right now? Did she have any fucking clue how crazy she was making him? No. He could tell she had no idea how much she was messing him up. 
Then she wrote out the set of formulas that he would need to use before spinning the notebook around so it was facing him. "Give it a try," she said, setting her calculator and his pencil next to it. 
As Jake leaned closer to her desk to take a look, Jessica walked around to the other side. She perched herself next to where he was working, his fingers just inches away from her thigh as he desperately tried to remember the difference between thrust and propulsion. 
"Are you distracting me on purpose?" he asked without looking away from the notebook. 
"Do you find me distracting?" she asked softly, and Jake chuckled. 
"You know I do," he said before dropping the pencil and standing. He towered over her as he gingerly placed his hands on the desk, bracketing her in. "You know I do, Jessica."
His face was close to hers, but she didn't shy away at all. The devilish grin that found its way to her lips was begging to be kissed away until she was moaning his name. But he didn't move an inch. 
"I thought you had something you wanted to ask me tonight," she whispered as one high heeled foot met his calf, and the fine hairs on the back of his neck stood at attention. 
He jerked his chin up an inch. "Baby, if you won't go to Chippy's with me tomorrow, it's gonna break my heart."
As soon as her teeth pressed into her plush lip, Jake could see that grin return to her face. When he moved a fraction of an inch closer, she gasped and said, "I couldn't possibly go out with a guy who can't get his thrust equation down correctly."
Jake smirked and pushed off from the desk, leaving her and returning to his vacant seat. Then he read through the formulas she had written for him. And then he worked out his constants and entered his variables. When he punched everything into her calculator, he came up with an answer. And then he double checked it. Because the last thing he wanted Jessica to be concerned about was him knowing all about the power of thrust. 
When he handed her the notebook, he eased himself further back into the seat. She adjusted her glasses with the backs of her fingers and then started to skim the page to check his math. But that pretty smile was still present, and soon she closed the notebook and then set it down next to her thigh. 
She met his gaze and held it. "I would love to go back to Chippy's with you." 
That meant his math was correct. It probably also meant that she made her mind up earlier today but just wanted to toy with him. And he could become fucking addicted to that. 
"Just tell me what time, and I'll meet you there," he promised, heart thudding in anticipation of another evening spent with her.
"Seven?" she asked softly. 
"It's a date."
---------------------------------
Jessica stopped home between her last class and the beginning of her date at Chippy's. Every time she thought about it, she started laughing. A college dive bar was hardly the most romantic place in San Diego to grab a drink, but somehow it was exactly perfect. She ate dinner quickly and then changed out of her pantsuit. 
The mirror in her walk in closet caught her attention, and she spun to inspect her body in the royal blue bra and thong. Not bad. But she wasn't sure how to dress. And she wasn't planning on letting Jake see this pretty set. Yet. They hadn't even kissed. He still didn't have her phone number. But that made her giggle as she tried on a few different pairs of jeans before settling on ones that were high waisted and hugged her body.
She chose a cute blouse and then slid on a pair of high heels before heading back to campus. As she parked near the bar, she checked her makeup one last time in the mirror on the back of the sun visor. She looked good. Better than good. Then she grabbed the journals and her purse from the front seat and headed inside.
The peanut shells that littered the floor stuck to the bottoms of her shoes, and the crowd of students was a little loud. But she liked it here anyway. When Chippy himself looked up from the bar, he smiled at her. 
"Reedy," he said with a wave. "A beer?"
But she shook her head. "Not yet. I'm meeting someone. He should be here soon."
His brow scrunched up. "That same one? In the uniform?" When she nodded, he said, "Careful with those ones, Reedy."
And his words hung in the air as she found an empty high top with two stools. For the past year she'd kept to herself. Kept her nose clean. Stayed away from not only the bad guys, but really guys altogether. Was she making a mistake here? 
She checked the time on her phone. 7:04. Then she skimmed the journal she brought with her which contained her very own recent publication. Then she checked her phone again. 7:17. Chippy dropped off a bowl of peanuts, and she cracked one open as her brain started to tell her that she was being stood up. Because suddenly it was after 7:30 and there was no sign of Jake.
-----------------------
Jake, what the hell, man? You're only going to get one chance here. Loving the Beer Boy and Sugar moments. Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls
PART 5
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ginnsbaker · 1 month
Text
fic: if i bleed (you'll be the last to know) (3/?)
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Part summary: Leigh develops an unhealthy habit as she hits closer to rock bottom
Pairing: Leigh Shaw x Fem!Reader | Word count for this part: 5.370 | Warnings/Tags: Some hetero stuff | A/N: Things will pick up after this part. I think there's going to be a total of 6 parts, but let me confirm that in the next update :)
Masterlist | Part I Part II | Next
-
Leigh is ten minutes late. 
It makes sense. Her willingness to attend this meeting was surprising, because if you were in her shoes, you doubt you'd have agreed to it. Listening to the entire history of a relationship can be exhausting, and it's hard to imagine what it feels like to hear about one that arguably should never have existed.
But just as you're about to think she's bailed or intentionally left you hanging, you spot her sprinting toward the cafe from across the street. She's a mess—hair soaked and sticking everywhere, face bare, missing its usual touch of makeup. But even like this, Leigh doesn't look much different from her usual self. You can't help feeling a bit envious of that.
She rushes into the cafe, attracting a few curious looks, but she barely registers them, her wide green eyes quickly finding you.
“Sorry I'm late,” she pants, struggling to catch her breath, “I got caught in the rain and then missed my bus.” The lie slips out effortlessly. True, it had rained, but the real reason was far more personal—something you didn't need to know.
You shrug off her apology with a smile, signaling the waiter for a menu for Leigh. “No worries, I'm just glad you made it,” you say.
Leigh gives you a quick once-over, then forces a smile and thanks you. Once her coffee order's in, she gets right down to it. “So, Matt,” she starts, her voice dropping to a whisper, “how did you two meet?”
You lean back, carefully thinking about what to say next. You didn't practice your answers ahead of time because you weren't planning to lie about anything. But you're wary of how you word things, not wanting to upset her. Being caught up with a married man is embarrassing enough as it is, and having to relay the details to his widowed wife only adds to it.
“Actually, our first meeting was totally by chance,” you say, bringing your steaming cup of tea to your lips. “I quite literally bumped into Matt one day. It was so brief, I barely gave it a second thought.”
You take a deep breath before continuing, “Then, about a week later, Matt showed up at my clinic with the same friend from before. It turned out, they were there for his friend's dog, who needed a check-up. Matt was just tagging along, helping out.”
Leigh’s face remains passive, making it hard to read. 
“The friend was the one who interacted with me the most that day. He even asked for my number, saying they were grateful for the help with the dog. I assumed he was interested,” you say, the memory coming back to you clearer now as you speak. “But, to my surprise, it was Matt who texted me later, not his friend.”
You barely manage to suppress the slight twitch of your lips, recalling how everything once seemed magical to you. Leigh on the other hand, takes a slow sip of her coffee, buying a moment to process.
“Who was that friend of Matt's? Do you remember his name?” she asks.
You pause, racking your brain for the detail, feeling its importance to Leigh. “Yeah, I think his name was Nick or something,” you say, scratching your head. Whether the name ‘Nick’ rings any bells for her or not, she doesn't let on. 
“Strange,” you mumble under your breath, but then shrug it off. “It doesn't really matter, he's not the one I—” You stop yourself just in time, realizing you're about to say something potentially hurtful about a situation that still feels raw, especially to Leigh.
Instead, you quickly pivot. “Anyway, that's how it all started. On the day of the dog’s follow-up, it was just Matt who came by. We struck up a friendship from there, and one thing led to another until he, uhm, asked me out for dinner.”
At this, you notice a subtle change in Leigh's demeanor. Her entire frame becomes more timid, the first real sign of emotion she's shown since this conversation began. 
You’re about to go on with your story when Leigh suddenly speaks up.
“So, you just said yes, even though he was your client? Don't veterinarians have professional boundaries?”
Ever since meeting Leigh, you've found it challenging to predict what might trigger her reactions—it's like navigating a minefield. Occasionally, you’d find yourself wondering what it would be like to know her without the complications currently defining your interactions. You think about the roles you both involuntarily play in each other's lives, roles neither of you auditioned for but somehow ended up performing.
You feel a lump form in your throat, and your gaze drops to your lap. “Well, he was persistent,” you say, feeling the need to defend your decision. Nevertheless, it sounds weak to your own ears. “But I made it clear nothing could happen until the dog's treatment was complete. And I insisted he'd have to find a different vet for any future appointments. It was... complicated.”
“I bet,” Leigh scoffs, crossing her arms. After a beat, she asks, almost too casually, “So, how quickly did you two... you know, have your first kiss?”
The question hangs awkwardly between you. You know you can’t answer it in any way you could avoid her judgment, so you just decide to spit it out. 
“First date.” Under Leigh’s scrutinizing gaze, it feels like admitting to a minor crime.
Leigh stares at you with unblinking eyes. “And how long after meeting him did this first date happen?”
You draw in a slow breath. “Three weeks,” you mutter. “It was last fall.” You add that bit, proactively laying out the timeline as if it could somehow soften the blow or make the situation less complicated. Leigh, however, looks like you've just knocked the wind out of her. She looks away, her expression shifting into something like shock or deep pain. Alarm bells ring in your head at the picture before you.
“Hey, did I say something wrong?” you say in a rush. “I mean, this whole situation is messed up, but if I—”
Leigh’s eyes are glass as they return to you. When she speaks again, her voice is so soft you almost have to lean in to hear. “Last fall... That's when I told Matt we should start trying for a baby.”
The words drain the color from your face. And suddenly, all the pieces of your story with Matt feels even more tainted.
You're not sure what your face gives away when you hear this news, but Leigh's expression quickly shifts from tearful to furious. “Stop feeling sorry for me,” she hisses. “I don’t need your pity.”
Leigh's tears start to spill over, and it's only 7:30 in the morning. It feels way too early for tears, especially here, in the middle of a coffee shop where the day is just beginning for most. You try to shrink into your seat, wishing you could make both of you invisible as the few other patrons start throwing curious, if not outright concerned, looks your way.
You never realized a simple conversation could cause someone so much pain. You thought providing Leigh with answers would help, but it looks like you're just making things even harder for her. Maybe keeping your distance from her is the kindest thing you can do.
“You know the worst part?” Leigh brushes away the tears that keep streaking down her face.
Clearly, she isn't looking for an answer, so you stay silent.
She makes sure she catches your eye before saying, “He agreed, and we started trying.”
-
Leigh catches her breath after wrapping up her class at the Beautiful Beast. 
She took a day off yesterday, immediately after talking with you, spending the whole day in bed just trying to sort out her thoughts and feelings. Surprisingly, wasting away for a whole day seemed to help, and her concerns gradually drifted back to her fight with Jules. It’s been days, and Leigh feels the urgency of reconciliation pressing on her. By this point, they should be on speaking terms again. By now, Jules should have let go of her anger, right? Leigh knows she can't afford to have her sister hating her. At least not right now. She needs her family, or what’s left of it—on her side. 
“Hey, Jules, got a sec? About the schedule…” Leigh tries, hoping work might be a safe enough topic to get her sister to acknowledge her existence once again.
Jules barely glances her way. Her hands keep moving, adjusting a strap here, aligning yoga mats there, as if the very act could shield her from having to engage. “Sorted. Check your email,” she replies, her voice cold and detached.
Leigh nods, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot. “Great, great... um, did you consider adding that beginners' workshop we talked about?”
Jules stops for a beat, and Leigh thinks, maybe she's going to drop it. But no, Jules resumes fussing over items that hardly require any attention. Then, without even looking up, she says, “Yeah, it's on the list. Anything else?”
Leigh tries to keep her cool, wishing Jules would just cut to the chase and tell her what needs to be done for all to be forgiven. 
Trying a different tactic, Leigh goes, “Hey, found a Starbucks card in my bag. How 'bout I grab us some coffee? My treat.”
Leigh’s trying. She really is. Why can’t they see that?
Jules just gives her that look, the kind that doesn't need words, and heads back to her desk. And there's Leigh, offer of a beverage truce just floating in the air, going nowhere.
Getting ignored really gets under Leigh's skin. Back in the day, Matt's habit of brushing her off would drive her to the edge. She'd respond with over-the-top demands or twist things around just to make sure he’d always pay attention to her. She didn't start off wanting to be that person, but looking back, she sees the lengths she'd go to just to keep his attention from straying. 
Unable to control herself, she heads straight for Jules, grabs her arm despite her trying to wiggle free, and yanks her into the backroom.
“What the hell is your problem?!” Jules explodes, not caring if anyone’s heard her outside.
They're both standing there, kind of shocked by how heated things got so fast. Jules’ shout might've turned a few heads outside, but right now, that's the least of Leigh's worries.
“How many times do I need to apologize, for you to get over this?”
Jules’ eyes are wide in disbelief, her mouth twisting into a sardonic smile, like she can’t believe what she’s hearing.
“You’re so fucking full of yourself, Leigh! This is exactly why I’m not talking to you,” Jules hisses, but keeps her voice down this time.
“What—”
“Do you even know what you’re sorry for?”
Leigh's initial scoff dies in her throat as she watches Jules' expression twist with hurt. “Yeah, okay, I said sorry about the crap I pulled the other day. I know I was out of line, talking about your past like that—”
Jules doesn't let her finish. “You weren't just being ‘out of line’, Leigh. You threw the worst time of my life in my face! Do you have any idea how hurtful that is? Coming from my own sister? From my own family? What, just to win an argument? To cover up for acting like a jerk at the club?”
Leigh goes quiet, but her face hardens, trying not to show how much Jules' words hit her right in the gut. What she said, laid out like that, it sounds…well, unforgivable.
“I'm trying, okay?” Leigh blurts out without thinking.
“Shouldn't be that hard to just be a decent human being, should it?” Jules shoots back, her dismissal sharp as she exits the cramped space, leaving Leigh reeling.
Under her breath, almost like she's talking to the walls, Leigh mumbles, “I'm really sorry…” It's quiet, almost lost in the room, but she means it the most at this very moment, even if no one's around to catch it.
-
Leigh clocks out from work, her day's fatigue hanging off her shoulders like a weighty cloak. Instead of heading straight home, she veers off her usual path, her feet bringing her to places that made breathing difficult the first few weeks after Matt's death. She's walking the same old route she always did when he was still around, back to when her home address was different and she'd pick up takeout from his favorite places along the way.
There’s the park first, the one where she and Matt spent countless afternoons sprawled on the grass, lying side by side as they watched the sky blush into shades of orange at sunset. She allows herself only a fleeting glance at the familiar paths and the bench they claimed theirs, feeling the same regret, the same hollowness as she remembers the good times they had there. 
In the back of her mind, she can't shake off the worry that maybe you've been here too, making your own memories with him. She doesn’t feel the surge of anger at this thought however. Instead, a part of her is almost willing to share these sacred memories if it means holding onto him in any form. She wants to believe that her jealousy has faded into a quieter acceptance that others might also carry pieces of him, pieces she's learning to live with.
Pulling herself away from the park, Leigh's walk inevitably leads her past Matt's favorite Italian restaurant—a quaint, cozy place where they celebrated most of their birthdays and, on occasion, anniversaries, especially when neither felt like cooking (which became an increasingly common choice in the months leading up to his accident).
She remembers how Matt's face would light up at the prospect of their rich, creamy carbonara and the tiramisu he claimed was unrivaled in the city. She recalls the numerous times she attempted to recreate the restaurant's tiramisu at home, aiming to surprise Matt at least once a month. Despite her efforts, if she truly wanted to indulge him, she knew there was no substitute for the real thing. So, on special days, or whenever she felt an extra burst of affection, she'd stop by the restaurant on her way home, picking up takeout. 
A waitress from the restaurant notices Leigh's lingering gaze and asks if she'd like a table. With a shy smile, Leigh declines, then pauses before finally deciding to order a tiramisu to go.
When she returns to her mom's house and eats the tiramisu alone, it tastes different. 
Leigh can't decide if the difference in the tiramisu's taste is good or bad, but that doesn't stop her. She finishes the entire slice in minutes. But instead of feeling full, it makes her feel emptier. Perhaps, it’s not the flavor that's changed; it's the experience of eating it without Matt's enthusiastic commentary, without him lighting up at the first bite or playfully claiming the last one, despite his generous offer to let her have it.
Suddenly, tears just start pouring out of Leigh as she sits there with an empty plate. She didn't see it coming, no chance to stop it or shove it down. Then, she finds herself laughing—a deep, throaty laugh—because she's grieved for him in countless ways, but this, crying over a dessert, has to be the most absurd. It's exactly the kind of moment they would have laughed at together.
Deciding that that would be her dinner, Leigh cleans up the small mess she's made and considers the evening ahead. But just as she’s about to sink into the couch for a quiet night, her phone buzzes, making her jump.
Seeing your name flash on her screen, she sighs, sensing a familiar bitterness creeping back in, disrupting the soothing moments she had just spent reminiscing about Matt. She lets it ring a few times more before picking up.
“Hi, Y/N,” Leigh says, managing to keep her voice steady over the phone.
“Hey,” you start, unsure how to break the ice after everything. Especially with what you’re about to say next.
“Listen, something happened today at the clinic. Someone came in looking for their lost French Bulldog, and they had a picture,” you pause to breathe. “Leigh, it looks a lot like Visitor.”
On the other end of the line, you can practically hear Leigh's heart skip a beat.
“Hello?” you ask, checking to make sure she's still there after she doesn't respond for several seconds.
“Are you sure?” Leigh’s voice cracks slightly.
“Yeah, I'm pretty sure,” you say softly, feeling a surge of empathy. “I'm sending you the picture now. Check it out and tell me what you think.”
You hit send and then wait for Leigh’s confirmation.
“It's him. It's definitely Visitor,” she says a moment later.
You're relieved but also concerned about what comes next. “So, what are you going to do?”
Leigh hesitates, and when she speaks again, she doesn’t give a direct answer. “Thank you, Y/N,” she says, and you pick up something in her tone. Something somber. 
“Everything alright?” 
But the line's already dead, leaving you staring at your phone, wondering what she is up to.
-
Leigh stands outside the community center, her hand lingering on the door longer than usual.  It's been weeks since she last came to a session. First, there was the shock of uncovering Matt's darkest secret, and now, there's the issue of the man inside, already looking her way, waiting to see her next move.
Danny appearing at her doorstep earlier in the week caught her completely off guard—and not in a good way. The moment she realized it was him, Leigh didn't hesitate to close the door in his face. After she shut him out, it escalated to the point where she threatened to call the police because he wouldn't stop pounding on the door and shouting for Leigh to let him in, insisting he just wanted to talk. His last attempt to get through to her fell flat when he flooded her inbox with texts and missed calls, pushing Leigh to the point where she blocked his number for good.
Despite the problem of Danny being here tonight, Leigh isn't willing to walk away from this just because of him. She's already given up so much lately, most recently Visitor—or Chico, as she found out his real name was—and his absence carved a fresh ache in her heart that she hadn't seen coming.
So, she takes a deep breath and pushes the door open, ignoring the smirk on Danny’s face as she proceeds to pretend like he doesn’t exist.
-
Somehow, after the meeting, Leigh ends up saying yes to a quick chat with Danny. He reels her in with the news that he submitted Matt’s remaining works—which he got custody of—to his publisher, and they were keen to publish them posthumously. 
Leigh can't help but throw in a bit of shade. “That's nice of you, doing something good for your brother, even if it's a bit late.”
Danny's face drops a little. Her words were sharp enough to hurt him, but he doesn't bite back or get in her face about it, which totally throws Leigh for a loop. After all the time she'd spent ignoring him, she had expected him to be at his worst around her.
And then he surprises her even more when he says, “Let me give you a ride home? It's the least I can do…”
Leigh arches an eyebrow. She didn’t bring the car tonight because Jules had a thing with Tommy, and she didn’t want to give her sister another reason to resent her. A ride from Danny beats the alternatives of walking or shelling out for a pricey cab, especially now that her phone's battery has given out, nixing the option of booking an Uber.
But this is Danny. Matt’s brother, and the guy she hooked up with because she thought she’d get back some semblance of her dead husband. After Jules pointed out how messed up it was that they'd slept together, Leigh's been all over the place. The rules around what they were doing either turned her off or, weirdly enough, made the whole thing more enticing, taboo and all. That's a big part of why she's been steering clear of him. Hanging out with Danny feels like reaching for a cigarette long after she's sworn off smoking.
Even with all that swirling in her head, Leigh ends up saying, “Sure, why not?”
Before she knows it, she's also agreeing to a drink at his place.
-
The second they step into his apartment, something inside of Leigh snaps. Acting on impulse, she grabs Danny by the collar and kisses him fiercely. She clenches his shirt in her hands, practically tearing it in her grip. Danny's initial surprise melts away in seconds, and then he’s kissing her just as hard, his tongue prying open her lips, taking control of the kiss right away. His hands find her waits, pulling her closer, practically already half-lifting her against the wall.
Leigh, caught up in the moment, begins to move her hips in a rocking motion against him. The action is effective enough to distract him from where he’s kissing every inch of Leigh’s neck, and he retaliates by suddenly pressing her more firmly against the wall, pinning her with his hips, their chests are tightly pressed together.
But as Leigh's fingers begin to fumble with the button of Danny's pants, he catches her hands gently and, panting, says, “Wait, Leigh, hold on for just a sec.” 
Leigh’s eyes fly open at his voice, irritation and impatience coloring them. “What?” she gasps out. 
He ignores the hard edges of her tone. He wants more—something real—and he's hoping she does too.
“I can’t do this again unless I know it’s going somewhere,” Danny says. He gently lets go of Leigh and takes a step back, trying to collect himself. It's a tough task, though, with Leigh looking the way she does—hair all tousled, lips slightly swollen and marked from when he got a bit carried away, her cheeks tinged with a warm flush. He could’ve made her come in the next two minutes, he’s sure of it.
At Danny's confession, Leigh can't help it; she bursts into laughter. The idea of him catching feelings now, of all times, seems absurd to her. As she laughs, Danny's jaw tightens, but he waits patiently for her to finish.
When Leigh finally notices the seriousness etched across Danny's face, her amusement evaporates almost instantly. The realization that he's not joking strikes her, and it doesn't sit well. Not one bit.
“What, you think because your brother's gone, you get to... what? Step in? Take his place?” she spits out, incredulous. “This is never going to be anything more than a quick fuck, Danny.”
In his desperation, he calls her bluff. “You’re lying.”
Leigh's reaction morphs into a cruel sneer. “If you're going to insist on something more, then we're just wasting our time,” she mutters, turning to leave.
Danny's not ready to let her walk away, not yet. He grabs her arm, and for a second, they're just staring each other down, a silent battle raging between them. Leigh’s resolve is impenetrable.
It’s Danny who cracks first, exhaling a defeated, “Fine.”
But Leigh's not having any half-measures. She whirls around, fire in her eyes. “Nope. Say it properly,” she demands.
With a sigh that feels like he's giving away a part of himself, Danny looks at her, worn and resigned. “This doesn't have to mean anything,” he says even if it’s the last thing he wants.
Leigh locks eyes with him, a storm brewing in her look. Just when Danny thinks it's better to just drop it, she throws him a question out of nowhere. 
“Did you know?”
“Know what?” Danny asks, genuinely puzzled.
“About Matt and me... trying for a baby when he... you know.”
“He... he never mentioned anything like that,” he says, feeling the pain she’s radiating. Leigh looks like she’s about to fall apart and all he wants is to be the one to gather her pieces and put them all back together.
No more words follow from Leigh. It's as if the question drained what was left of the conversation. Without warning, she surges forward, her lips meeting Danny’s in a bruising kiss, then she grabs Danny's hands, placing them firmly back on her waist. He gets the message loud and clear, and together they quickly shed their clothes, letting them fall in a heap around their feet. She comes about twelve minutes and thirty seconds later.
-
It's been eight days—not that you're keeping track or anything. But after giving Leigh the heads-up that someone’s been looking for a dog that looks exactly like Visitor, you were kind of expecting she’d at least update you if it really was him or not.
So, when a client strolls in later with Visitor, who's actually called Chico according to the file your secretary slips you, you're a little disappointed it's not Leigh showing up instead. It must have been incredibly tough for her to return Chico to his real family. She invested her heart, time, and not to mention her wallet, into that dog, caring for him as if he were her own.
Thinking she’d be relieved to know he’s in good hands, you send her a text to update her about Chico's visit to the clinic today. You mention how healthy and content he seems, yet you hazard a guess that he's probably missing Leigh too. 
She sees your message right away, and then leaves you on read.
-
Her thing with Danny turns into a late-night ritual, particularly after Drew fails to respond to her following their conversation, not even offering her a guest column in the weeks that followed their talk. Drew continues to invite her for coffee and dinner dates along with his fiancée, but he avoids the topic about the column, so Leigh stops asking.
The hookups are always a post-midnight impulse. She’d find herself sneaking out of her mother's house to meet him, driven by a mix of need and escape, or occasionally, by insomnia. After their moments together, she never lingers in Danny's bed for too long once she's found her satisfaction, eager to shower away his scent from her skin. 
Back at home, she ensures there's no trace of their deed by the time she slips into bed, allowing herself to sleep deep into the middle of the day. This pattern of nocturnal activity and daytime slumber has led her mother to adjust Leigh's responsibilities, moving her to take charge of the afternoon classes instead. This behavior earns her suspicious glances from Jules, but Leigh chooses to ignore them—if Jules isn't interested in reconciling, then she has no right to concern herself with Leigh's personal affairs.
Leigh doesn’t know how she got here, back at the beginning, in an ever messier situation. She can't stop fucking Danny, her emotions for Matt are a rollercoaster—she finds herself forgiving him and cursing him interchangeably a couple of times a day. 
She's astounded this is her life now, seemingly unable to talk herself out of decisions that pull her deeper into chaos.
-
A month later, Leigh becomes a distant memory. Following a series of tumultuous encounters, your life gradually returns to its normal rhythm—quiet, ordinary days filled with clinic work, attending to various cases, meeting new clients, and addressing the myriad issues of small animals. All of these tasks prove easier to deal with than anything involving Leigh Shaw.
The sole noteworthy event in your generally uneventful life lately was your latest visit to a physician for an annual physical exam. The blood tests revealed some numbers outside the normal range, notably elevated cholesterol levels. Consequently, your doctor advised you to integrate exercise into your daily regimen and to reduce your consumption of takeout meals, specifically pizza and Chinese fast food.
It’s a big sacrifice, considering your day usually flies by without much thought for food, except for dinner. It’s the one time in your day you actually look forward to. So, to hold onto that bit of happiness, you've been looking at fitness classes that are actually enjoyable and help burn those extra calories to keep you in shape.
Yoga stands out as the top choice for you, mainly because it all unfolds on a mat. You assume it'll demand the least amount of effort compared to the other options (specifically spinning), which all seem to promise nothing but pain and suffering.
Deciding to give yoga a shot, you choose Beautiful Beast, swayed by its stellar reviews. You secure a slot for a 6pm class, feeling pretty good about this decision.
That is, until Leigh Shaw walks into the said class, clad in a sports bra and tight-fitting leggings that highlight her toned legs. She’s busy on her phone, and without looking up, she walks to the front of the room. 
What are the chances you'd both be in the same class at the same fitness studio? The plot thickens when she pockets her phone and turns to face the class, gesturing for everyone to get their mats ready as the session's about to start.
You swallow hard. Leigh isn't here as a joiner—she's running it.
It takes about a quarter of the session for Leigh to notice you’re in her class. It's only while she's making her rounds, observing each student's camel pose, that her gaze finally lands on you. Struggling through your lack of core strength, you can't quite catch her initial reaction, but then she calls out your name. The surprise makes you gasp as she places her hand on the curve of your spine, just above the small of your back, and gently pushes you upward, deepening your arch. 
The stretch draws a grimace from you, but then she says, “Good, that's it,” and suddenly, you're determined not to let her down. You focus on the pose, on Leigh's instructions, and on not falling apart under her watchful eye. Leigh keeps everyone in the position a few moments longer than expected before instructing the class to transition into the child's pose for recovery. At her cue, your arms collapse, and you find yourself breathing heavily, grateful for the brief respite.
Something tells you it's not the high cholesterol that's going to be the end of you, but rather this yoga class and Leigh's merciless teaching style. 
-
You're all packed up and ready to leave, still reeling from what could easily be the toughest hour of your life, when someone calls out to you.
“Hey, Y/N.”
It's Leigh. Her tone is softer, more fatigued than you remember. She’s still in her gym clothes, looking like the workout barely touched her except for a few strands of hair sticking to her forehead. And somehow, she smells more like a rose garden than the gym floor.
“I didn’t know you work here—” you blurt out, almost apologizing. But before you can add anything else, Leigh just shakes her head, something like amusement in her smile, stopping you mid-sentence. Her smile, warm and a little teasing, eases some of the tension you didn't realize you were holding. 
“Are you a mind reader or something?” she teases. “Cause yeah, I was going to ask if you were following me.”
You’re quick to deny it. “I wasn’t.”
Leigh lets out a chuckle like she's getting a kick out of seeing you on edge. You shuffle your feet, still unsure if she’s trying to scare you off or welcome you to her tutelage.  
“Look, if it's weird for you, me being here... I can find another class,” you offer, the words tumbling out before you can think them through.
Her reaction is swift and a bit surprising, “Why would I want that? So you can duck out and be a rubbish yogi elsewhere and ruin my reputation?”
You’re taken aback by her response. Clearly, Leigh's not pushing you away; it's almost as if she's egging you on, daring you to stick it out. And if there's any hope of moving past this... whatever it is, leaving now because it might get awkward doesn't seem like the right move to make a fresh start.
“All right, I'll stay,” you find yourself saying, more to your surprise than hers. 
Leigh's got this look of triumph, chin lifted just so, when you agree to stick around. “See you at 5:30. Greenway Park,” she throws out casually.
You're there blinking, trying to piece together what she means. But before you can even get a word out, she's one step ahead. 
“We have to work on your endurance,” she clarifies. “Make sure you’re wearing real running shoes. No sneakers.”
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doctorsiren · 7 months
Note
what’s gumshoe in your au?? i have to know i love him
Okay so my first doodle request I drew for that big huge doodle request thing I did recently was of a robot design for Gumshoe. I really like this design and I wanted to keep it for the monster AU. I actually have a lot of thoughts for Gumshoe that hit me like a truck this morning when I was brainstorming and so I shall share them :)!!
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Detective Dick Gumshoe was actually an investigation robot that Gregory Edgeworth had been building to help the defense (wow! A dad who builds robots? In one of my AUs?? Who would have guessed) but then y’know…DL-6 happened.
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And so Gumshoe was shoved into an evidence room and forgotten about until one day 10 years later, Miles Edgeworth stumbles upon him while retrieving some old evidence for something (unimportant)
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Miles vaguely remembers this robot as his dad’s side project. In fact, the robot is wearing his father’s tan trench coat. Miles boots him up, and Gumshoe, confused, thinks that Miles is Gregory for a moment (because of their faces and also his tech is worn down), before recognizing that “oh no wait, this is his kid but older??”. Gumshoe doesn’t realize that he’s been shut off for a decade and also doesn’t know that Gregory is dead.
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Miles is taken aback when Gumshoe is able to recognize him as Miles because it’s been 10 years and also Miles had been turned into a vampire during that decade. That moment of his father’s robot still recognizing him was one of the foundational moments that would later lead to his complete doubt and uncertainty in von Karma’s ways (which were completely toppled over by Wright in the years to come)
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So Miles does his best to patch Gumshoe up, and now he has this robot detective at his side. Von Karma doesn’t approve, but he’s also trying not to alert this detective bot to him being suspicious, just in case it’s able to figure out the truth behind DL-6
Von Karma’s caution surrounding Gumshoe was unfounded, however, since Gregory was never able to finish the robot. This resulted in the not-so-smart detective we all know and love, simply due to his programming never being completed. Although a directive that *was* completed was the programming that Gregory had implemented in Gumshoe to always protect his son Miles. That’s why Gumshoe is always so loyal to the vampire, even when Miles tells him how bad of a detective he is. It’s also why even though Gumshoe had been built originally to be an aid for the defense, he is loyal to the prosecution.
Gumshoe also views Miles as his brother, on the basis that they technically have the same dad. Miles acts annoyed and like he doesn’t agree, but he secretly is happy to have this reminder of his father still around. Gumshoe does end up getting his own trench coat and letting Miles keep the tan one that belonged to Gregory.
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Anyways i think I’ve put more thought into Miles and Gumshoe’s characters for this AU than I have put into all the other characters in the AU combined 😭
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companionjones · 10 months
Text
Without Question
Pairing: Finnick Odair x Fem!Reader
Fandom: The Hunger Games
Summary: The moment you hit the force field, nothing mattered to Finnick anymore.
Warnings: Nothing that I can think of
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*******
    The moment you hit the force field, nothing mattered to Finnick anymore.
    He was supposed to care about the Mockingjay and her lover. He was supposed to care about getting them out of the arena safely. He was not supposed to care about some girl he met at the Capitol. He was not supposed to care about this previous Victor who had been forced into prostitution just as he had been.
    The moment you hit the force field, nothing mattered to Finnick anymore except getting you to breathe again.
    He pushed Peeta out of the way as soon as he said your heart had stopped. Finnick started CPR.
    “Come on, sweet girl.” Finnick encouraged between filling your lungs with his breath. “You’re not gonna quit on me that easy, right...? We still have so much to do...I have so much to tell you...Come on, baby...Come on...Come on, come on!”
    As Finnick was pumping your chest hard to try to get something to happen, something did.
    You took a big gulp of air, and slowly opened your eyes. “Finn...?”
    He didn’t know what to do with himself. “Y/n?” He took you in his arms and hugged you. “Thank you, thank you.” He didn’t know who or what he was thanking. Finnick pulled you back to look at you, and he saw that you were still a little out of it. He cupped the side of your face with his hand. “Keep your eyes open,” he softly pleaded. “Just keep them open.”
    “...me,” you mumbled.
    “What?”
    “Why did you save me?” you spoke a little clearer. “I’m...I’m not planning on making it out of here a second time.”
    Those words tore a hole through Finnick’s heart. He put on a smirk to hid the pain and leaned down to whisper in your ear. “Well, I have a plan that’ll get us all out of here. You, me, Peeta, Mags, and Katniss. Just keep going for me, okay?” His words were low enough that the people around him didn’t hear, he doubted that a single camera picked up what he had said.
    You had no reason to believe him. Not without some follow up questions, at least. But Finnick knew you would believe his words. It was the same reason you believed him in the Capitol when he said that holding each other would protect you both from nightmares. And it did. So that was why you got up, without question, and continued leading your small pack through the jungle.
*******
Author’s Note: Thank you for reading! Fill up that heart and reblog if you liked it. I would also really appreciate a comment, if you have the time. If you would like to read more, you should check out my masterlist. Have a nice day, night, or whatever time it is for you! <3 <3 <3
*******
*Extended Ending*
    Almost as soon as the sliding door on the hovercraft opened,  Finnick was rounding the table to get to you. “Y/n.”
    “Finnick?”
    He explained, “We’re going to District 13. We all got out. You, me, Peeta, Katniss. It’s all okay.” He hugged you as tight as he could, then pulled back so he could rest his forehead on yours. “Can I kiss you?” It had been all he wanted to do since you had gotten free.
    “There’s no more cameras around?” was all you asked in return.
    Finnick shook his head.
    Without another word, you pulled him in by the shirt he was wearing. You kissed Finnick for the first time.
    He lost all control and all but slammed you against a nearby wall in his desperate attempt to get closer to you.
    That was as far as you and Finnick before Haymitch broke the two of you up, claiming he wanted to “shield the eyes of the young.”
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zorosimpclub · 2 months
Text
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My Brother's Best friend (003) – Geto Suguru (NSFW)
⊹˚. ♡ Previous chapter Summary: You have always been in love with your brother’s best friend (who also happens to be his roommate) – does he even feel the same way or does he view you just as Gojo's little sister? It doesn’t matter because your brother made it very clear to him that you were off limits since you're his precious little sister… But were you really off limits?
⊹˚. ♡ Content: 18+ only, MDNI – fem!reader, smut, degradation, praise kink, bj
⊹˚. ♡ Word count: 5k
He didn’t respond immediately because he himself had no idea what he should do. This was definitely a situation that he wasn’t prepared for. It would be difficult to explain everything they did to Gojo and he for sure wasn't going to tell him that he had his hands all over you. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting himself calm down before looking down at you with that smirk you loved so much.
"You leave first and I’ll come in 5 minutes.”
Taking your phone out, you checked the camera to see if you looked presentable enough to leave. You shot him an incredulous look and pointed to your two fresh hickies.
“Did you have to give me these?! My brother’s gonna think Sukuna did this and lose his shit on him.”
"Oh, sorry princess. I let my lips wander too much I guess."
Although he was being sarcastic, you couldn’t help the butterflies thrashing around in your stomach at him calling you ‘princess’.
“Ugh. You’re the worst. You’re lucky it’s not super noticeable, I just know that it’ll be tomorrow though.”
You push yourself off him and go to open the bathroom stall but hesitate looking back at him,
“What does this mean for us…?”
He knew that was coming. You asking what this all means in the long run. Instead of addressing your inquiry, he simply grabbed your waist and pulled you closer to him in response.
"Let's worry about that in the morning. Just for tonight, let's focus on what we should be focusing on. You and I. That's it. It doesn't have to mean anything."
You clenched your jaw, feeling yourself get annoyed at his remark, of course it didn’t mean anything to him. He had been with so many women, you were probably just another one he did something with. This is so like him, why did you expect that things would be any different?
You pushed yourself away from him gently and stormed out of the bathroom, before glancing at your reflection in the mirror — guess you didn’t look disheveled, nor were the hickies too prominent so you’d be fine. Or that’s what you thought.
Not looking back at Geto, you made your way back to the booth trying to push past the crowd, only to see Gojo chat animatedly with Utahime. Nanami was also there but he was just sitting there, nursing his drink whilst staring off into space. You go and sit next to Nanami, sighing to yourself and snatched Gojo’s drink before downing it.
Still feeling yourself seething, you sat back a little, trying to make yourself look calm despite how you were feeling. Geto definitely crossed a major line with you and then acted as if it meant nothing but you couldn’t find it in yourself to be frustrated at him. And that frustrated you. You were frustrated at yourself for feeling like this. You really wanted to be mad at him and tell him just how inconsiderate he was being but it was as if your body just simply wouldn’t allow it.
Gojo grinned at you to acknowledge your return but carried on chatting with Utahime, no doubt trying his luck on her. Why was it okay for your brother to hit on your friends but god forbid any of his say anything towards you that could count as flirting.
Nanami eyed you cautiously for a second and went back to nursing his drink before speaking flatly.
“I see you’ve returned. Sukuna is still on the dancefloor grinding with some random woman.”
You nodded and sighed in relief, you didn’t want to and couldn’t think about flirting with Sukuna right now. Not after what you just experienced with Geto.
“Yeah, I just went to the bathroom. Felt a little sick, so thought I’d get some time alone to recuperate. It was getting kinda stuffy on the dance floor…”
Nanami nodded and looked away as if he understood completely. He knew you were lying but he didn’t care and decided to give you space about the situation if you wanted it.
Then out of nowhere, he spoke again, making sure to keep his voice low enough so only you could hear. Not that your brother would have heard it over his obnoxious flirting with Utahime anyway.
“You should be careful.“
You looked at him fake puzzled hoping to throw him off, “What do you mean, Nanami?”
He stared at you for a moment, weighing his options before deciding to be somewhat straightforward with you.
"You guys are being really obvious. It won’t be long before your brother figures it out.”
You knew damn well that there was more to his previous comment than what he was letting on now. He was clearly implying that you should be careful around Geto, which was probably the right thing to do considering what had just happened in that stall.
You felt yourself tense a little. Of course Nanami would have been one of the first people to pick up on it, he was always so observant. Thankfully, you knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t rat you out to Gojo. You were an adult who made your own decisions and he respected that.
You mumbled a little “You’re right, thanks.”
Geto made his way back to the table with the same blonde he was with on the dance floor and plopped down as far as he could be from you, avoiding your eyes as if he didn’t have his tongue shoved up your pussy up until a couple minutes ago.
So this was how he was going to act? Completely ignore your existence and go back to blondie over there? You couldn’t even be mad at the woman on his arm, it’s not her fault. It was his.
Nanami sighed, almost as if he knew this would happen. Nanami was the kind of person that saw through everyone’s bullshit, you were glad he was on your side because you felt yourself getting agitated by the way Geto was acting. It hurt. A lot of mixed emotions were running through you at the moment and having this awkward ass conversation with Nanami definitely wasn’t helping.
You felt another presence beside you, most likely Sukuna. He wrapped an arm around your waist and gave you a lazy smirk as if it was the most natural thing to do. You were so caught up in the fact that Geto was ignoring you, that you let out a startled gasp when Sukuna came up to you. A chill ran down your spine as he wrapped his arm around your waist and unfortunately (or fortunately) it felt a bit comforting somehow. You had a feeling you were about to go down a slippery slope with this guy but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.
You sighed and flashed him a flirty smirk, "Hey."
Sukuna smirked at you, basking in the flirty tone of your voice and smile. You could practically feel him eyeing the two hickies that covered the edge of your neck.
"Damn, who gave you those?"
You tensed and flicked your eyes briefly to Geto as a reflex but quickly looked back to Sukuna, hoping he didn't pick up on it. At this rate everyone at the table except your brother were going to know about your little escapade with Geto.
"Ah... just a random guy I met by the restroom." You tried to sound convincing, but with the way your voice shook, it was obvious that it wasn't just a random guy.
Sukuna smirked and his voice lowered into a low, husky tone as his eyes stayed on the hickies on your neck.
“A random guy. Right. Must have been really into you for him to be that rough with you. What did he look like, sweetheart?”
He sounded amused by the whole situation, like he was enjoying watching you squirm.
That question caught you off guard, you were not expecting him to ask. Unprepared, you just listed the opposite qualities of Geto hoping it would sell it for him.
“Shortish and blonde.”
Sukuna looked like he was trying hard not to laugh, did you think he was stupid? You couldn't even tell a proper lie. He looked down at you a little amused and chuckled quietly.
"That’s interesting because I could have sworn I heard your voice in the bathroom stalls moaning Suguru’s name."
You tensed a little, feeling a blush adorn your features. Great, now everyone but your brother knew. It was only a matter of time before someone spilled it to him.
“Please don’t tell my brother.” You whispered awkwardly.
Sukuna laughed softly and rolled his eyes at you, there was something about you and how easy it was to tease when you're flustered that he enjoyed. He was clearly going to give you a hard time with this for a little while longer.
"I won't tell him."
The moment he said that, a sinister smirk formed on his lips.
"If you give me something in return."
“Emotional blackmail? Really Sukuna? That’s low even for someone like you.” You smirked and rolled your eyes at him.
Nanami grunted and shot Sukuna a glare before adding, “Let her be.”
Seeing Nanami’s glare made Sukuna chuckle but he was still grinning at you in a very mischievous way, like he was going to keep teasing you. He had the look of someone that knew how to push your buttons.
"Give me a kiss on the cheek, right here, right now and I won't say a word to your brother."
He had no shame in what he was doing. The man was clearly a menace but he had his own charm.
You looked over at Geto who seemed unfazed by your interaction with Sukuna. He didn't hear what you were talking about, it was hard to over the sound of thumping music around you. A kiss on the cheek seemed semi reasonable, right? Besides Sukuna was an one older guy who knew his way around women... maybe it might be good thing? Either way, it was just a kiss on the cheek so you didn’t have to really overthink it.
Shrugging, you leaned in to kiss his cheek but Sukuna being the cheeky asshole he was, he turned his head quickly so that his lips met yours.
Geto turned his head so fast he almost had whiplash, he could feel his stomach bubbling with anger and jealousy. Huh? Why was he getting pissed off like this? You were just Gojo's sister, he reminded himself. Or tried to. But before he could think logically, he got up and yanked Sukuna off you, glaring at him menacingly.
"Don't touch her."
Sukuna raised an eyebrow at Geto and smirked coyly. You had never seen this side of him before and it made you realise just how little you knew about him. You watched them carefully as they stared each other down, trying to gauge their reactions to understand the situation but you also couldn’t help but fear what would come of this. Sukuna just looked amused that this situation was getting so heated in the first place and that made you wonder even more on how this would end.
"My, my. You're awfully protective over your best friend's little sister. Even Satoru, her actual brother, doesn't seem too fazed by it." Sukuna chuckled and leaned back, resting his arm across the sofa headrest.
It's true. You looked over at Gojo who didn't seem to mind too much but you quickly figured that it was because he didn't see the whole interaction between you and Sukuna. That had to be it otherwise Sukuna would have gotten his ass beat by now. Or maybe because he was too busy chatting with Utahime to even care what was happening around them.
Geto’s voice was low as he moved in close to his face, his fists clenched by his side. It seemed like he was trying not to do anything reckless but he was visibly agitated.
"Shut the hell up. You shouldn't be touching her at all."
Sukuna let out a taunting chuckle and smirked sadistically at him, "Neither should you. But apparently you did more than just kissing in the bathroom stall. Isn't that right, Suguru?"
Geto’s entire face froze at Sukuna’s comment. How did he know? How was that possible? Did he hear you in the stall? His grin got even wider after Geto didn’t respond to him, causing him to tilt his head in a mocking manner.
"I’ll take that as a yes."
You watched the scene unfold in front of you like a deer in headlights. Thankfully, Nanami came to the rescue once again.
He leaned over and placed his hand between them, "That's enough you two."
Nanami’s hand landed on Geto’s chest, separating him from Sukuna. Geto remained silent but his face spoke volumes about the fact they had been caught. Sukuna’s shit eating smirk was still in place, almost begging him to carry on.
You let out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding in, relieved that Nanami had stepped in.
You shot him a quick glance and gave him a small smile, a little grateful that he was trying to keep the peace but Geto looked like he was ready to tear Sukuna’s head off.
He was acting completely out of character in this situation but you couldn’t entirely blame him for his reaction either. Or could you? After all, what right did he have to act like that? He said what happened in the stalls earlier didn’t have to mean anything nor was he your boyfriend…
Just as you went to open your mouth to call it a night, Gojo piped up from the other side of the table, "After party at mine! Let's go."
You groaned, not wanting to go back to their apartment right now given the fact that things were incredibly messy but you also didn't want to be alone right now. This honestly would have been the perfect opportunity to make your escape, but you had this overwhelming sense that you wouldn’t feel better if you did. Maybe it was because you knew that if you left so suddenly it would draw attention to what had happened and Gojo would ask questions. You were never one to turn down opportunities to hang out with him and Geto. Until now.
Since there were 6 of you had to get two Ubers between the group. And unfortunately, somehow you had been wedged in the Uber with Geto because:
a) Gojo booked the Ubers
b) Gojo didn’t know what happened between the pair of you
c) Your brother wanted to carry on flirting with Utahime
and d) Nanami insisted that Sukuna and Geto be kept apart also mumbling something about keeping him from you too but you figured he mainly did it to give you and Geto privacy to talk and sort out what had happened earlier before it turned really messy.
You sat back and kept quiet the entire trip. Things were already a mess between you and Geto and you really didn’t need anymore attention drawn to that right now. You looked out the window, pretending like everything was fine and that there wasn’t this awful pit of anxiety looming within your chest. Your fingers squeezed one another as you tried to distract yourself from your thoughts.
You tried your best to ignore Geto at your side, he was taking up so much space in the Uber that it was impossible not to bump into him every few minutes, but you still tried to keep a fair amount of distance between you both.
That was until he said your name.
Geto’s voice was hushed and your name falling from his lips made your body respond in so many ways that you can’t even describe with words. When he called your name you jolted, you felt your stomach dip. He had you in his clutches and even at this very moment he could still control you.
You stared at his lips, entranced by them and that damn smirk of his. The urge to kiss him was overwhelming and it was slowly taking over your body. You felt yourself moving towards him slightly without even realising it. You were a mindless moth circling towards the flame of temptation.
Geto noticed your lips parting and his eyebrows shot up slightly; this was clearly an opening for him to make the first move. Without hesitation, he lowered his head and his lips met yours in a hot, frenzied kiss. You felt that electric spark again and all those feelings came back all at once. Your body trembled as your lips felt swollen with want and your breath came in shorter breaths. You felt weak in that moment but you didn’t want to pull away. It felt all too good.
As if a switch flicked off in your head, you bit onto his lip and pushed your tongue in his mouth. Geto's breath caught in his throat as he groaned and pulled you closer to him, letting out a faint gasp at the feeling of your lips and tongue against his.
He kissed you passionately and his tongue met yours, exploring every inch of your mouth as if he couldn't get enough. You could see from the way his hands were pressed against your shoulders that he was trying to avoid being too rough with you but that only made you want him more.
"Sugu..." You whisper moaned, making sure not to catch the attention of the Uber driver.
He moved one of his hands from your shoulder so that he could trace your body, starting from your arm and working its way down to your thigh. The heat in that touch made your skin tingle with excitement and you could feel your breath coming in shorter, more erratic breaths.
You palmed his cock from his jeans earning you a soft grunt from him. He was completely caught off guard but in a good way, he wanted more. More.
Feeling a little bold, you silently unzip his jeans and slip your hand in his boxers, tugging it at slowly at first but building up the pace when you could see how desperate he was becoming. You smirk a little, which caused him to buck his hip and thrust into your grip.
“F-Fuck…” He breathed out, trying his best to keep quiet as not to rouse suspicion from the driver.
You quickly covered your lips with his and he kissed back hungrily whilst you continue stroking him, tugging, twisting, and making sure to keep to a steady rhythm. He moaned softly against your lips and pulled away, throwing his head back on his headrest. You watched as his face twisted into one of pleasure – his lips parted, cheeks flushed, eyebrows furrowed and eyes clenched shut. He let out a shaky sigh and tensed, softly spilling your name from his mouth.
Geto relaxed a little and caught his breath before looking over at you and smirking. You smirked back, pulling your fingers away and licking up the mess that he left behind.
“Fuck…” He groaned and sighed at the sight, you were an absolute temptress and you knew it. Neither of you spoke for a few minutes, you both just sat there enjoying the silent bliss.
“Are you okay?” He softly asked you in a low, husky voice.
You turned to him and his eyes were fixed on you. That single glance made you feel everything at once.
“Yeah, I think so. You?” There was so much you wanted to ask him but you didn’t know where to begin.
“I’m okay.” He turned away from you when he said this, almost like he didn’t want you to see a vulnerable side of him.
He couldn’t bear to see your reaction to him being so serious, especially not right now when he wanted to ignore it completely. He took a while to speak again.
“What happened back there?”
"I don't know, you tell me."
You said, sounding a little snarky. What? He deserved that. One minute he was kissing and eating you out in a bathroom stall and the next he acted like it meant nothing. Then he had the audacity to get into a heated argument with Sukuna all because he kissed you, all the while he had his own blonde wrapped around his arm. He was playing mind games with you and it confused the hell out of you.
You raised a fair point and he seemed aware of that. You saw him shift a little uncomfortably. He knew he was being selfish, expecting to play around with you while keeping it at an arm’s length so he wouldn’t have to deal with the repercussions later. He remained quiet for a moment, maybe trying to choose the right words to say.
“I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
You let out a sarcastic chuckle and shook your head, "Friendship? Please. Do you get all off your friends off? Give me a break. The only reason why we hang out is because of Satoru, because you feel forced to hang out with your best friend's annoying little sister."
He looked like you’d just hit him with a bucket of cold water. Your words weren’t very nice, but it seemed like they hit their mark. You could see the hurt etched on his face but it was a pain he brought onto himself.
“Is that… is that really what you think? That I only hang out with you because I feel obligated to?”
"Do you know the amount of times you complain about me coming around to hang out with you guys? You're always complainin' about me being over."
“Right. But have you ever thought about why I tell you that?”
"No, please do enlighten me." Your words sound polite but your tone was anything but that, it was dripping with sarcasm.
He takes a deep breath and looks directly at you. He seems to be debating whether telling you would be a good idea or not, but he realises that he can’t keep you in the dark for much longer. He lets out a sigh and then nods.
“You’re right. I do find you insufferable at times when you tease the hell out of me but that’s not the entire reason why I complain. I complain because whenever you’re around, I just want to kiss you.”
Your eyes widened a little, a blush gracing your cheeks. He what now? So you weren't just his best friend's little sister?
"W-What?"
“I don’t know what it is about you that makes me lose control of everything I know. All of sudden I become a completely different person the second that I’m around you. I can’t explain it, but this is why I try to keep you at an arm’s length. I try to avoid you, not because I don’t like you, but because I’m afraid of what might happen if I see you too often.”
Your gaze softened a little as you took in what he was saying, "Why didn't you tell me earlier?”
“I think you know the answer to that. Besides, it’s not like I could have gone to Satoru and said ‘hey, I want to tell your sister that I find her attractive’. He would have kicked my ass on the spot and then I doubt I would have been able to see you again.”
He looks away for a split second and the silence seems to linger on for longer than it should. You can see that he is trying to come up with the right words to say but nothing seems to be coming to him. You can almost see the wheels turning in his mind the more he thinks about what he should say and how he should say it. He looked down with a pained expression on his face before he spoke again.
“I thought it was for the best to keep my feelings suppressed and to avoid you as much as possible but it’s only made me more attracted to you, it’s like an endless fucking cycle.”
"So... you're just attracted to me physically? Is that it?"
You asked cautiously, not sure how he would respond. Sure, he found you attractive and that was a win but the way you felt about him was more than attraction, you were in love with him. You just had to know. If you didn't ask now, you'd probably never get this moment again.
His face flushed a little and he couldn't hold your gaze. He stared down at the car ground for a few seconds, trying to get his words together. It almost as if he is unable to say it out loud, it’ll feel too real when he says it.
"I– fuck. I– we shouldn't be talking about this, Satoru would be pissed." He ran his hand desperately through his hair, looking torn.
"Who the fuck cares about Satoru! Just tell me, Suguru!"
You snapped a little, feeling tears sting the corners of your eyes. It's hard not to get frustrated when you're so close to hearing something close to a confession after you've been in love with him for years yet having it taken away from you because of your freaking brother.
And just like that your words seemed to snap something inside of him. He looked back at you with a wild look, looking like he was trying to stare you down and will his feelings into you.
"You want to know how I feel? Fine. I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you for fucking years now. I fuck countless of women because I fucking can't seem to get you out my head. I cycle through them, hoping that I'd fall for one of those women instead but I can't! You're all I ever think about and when you're nearby my brain short circuits – you're so fucking beautiful inside and out but I can't fucking have you. Every time I try to pull away, I only end up being drawn back to that damn spell you have on me."
He yelled a little, a tear or two falling down from his beautiful face causing butterflies to thrash inside your body. In all the years you’ve known Geto, you had never really seen him cry which made this moment even more bittersweet.
Your tears fell quickly down your cheeks as you soaked in all his words. The raw honesty in his words was enough to make you feel weak at the knees. It's like all your dreams were coming true at once. The look in the eyes, the raw emotion – god, you wanted to scoop him up and kiss him over and over again.
“I’m in love with you too… I have been for years now but you already knew that… right?”
He couldn't stand to watch you cry any longer. He reached out his hand and gently rubbed your tears away with his thumb, he couldn't help but want to comfort you after everything. Geto slowly leaned into you, closing the distance between you both. The world seemed to slow down a little as you both held each other, pecking your lips together over and over again as if to make up for all the lost time.
He pulled away and smiled softly at you causing you to smile back, he looked so beautiful that it made your stomach flip flop around. You felt like you were up in the clouds but that however was short lived when the car pulled up to their apartment.
You both looked at each other one last time, exchanging a soft look filled with all those emotions you had been keeping inside for so long. You didn't have to say a word to each other, you both just understood the feelings that you had for each other in that moment.
Now you just had to go in and pretend like you were just friends who hadn’t just confessed your love for each other. Great.
⊹˚. ♡ A/N: sorry i ended up making this chapter super fluffy OTL, the next one will be smutty lmao ;D tysm for all the sweet comments, it makes me want hurry faster with the updates (i realised that i wrote 12k words in less than 24 hours LMAO–) anyway, i'm also on ao3 (same username) if you find it easier to read on there <3
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misstycloud · 2 months
Note
Yandere Omega with a reader who has a lot of money and treats him like royalty, in addition to being super affectionate and coveted by other omegas
Sry this sucks I wanted it gone from my drafts or it’ll be there forever💀
——————
“I want more grapes.”
“Of course, sir.”
“Actually, add some strawberries while you’re at it.”
“Certainly.”
Inside a lavishly decorated penthouse, numerous people were running around doing different task assigned to them. The stress and anxiety of not performing their task correctly or perfectly enough hung well over their heads in a thick ominous cloud.
“Ah, be careful with those! They’re not cheap. Geez, you’d think they’re worth less than carboard the way they’re handling them”
The orchestrator of this was none other than a frail-looking young man, and not at all a scary operator.
He was beautiful- the man. Without a doubt one of the best looking people you’d walk by in your life. Which is obviously one of the reasons for his now luxurious lifestyle.
“Excuse me, sir?” said a voice nervously.
The omega swallowed the berry in his mouth, chewed lazily before saying, “Yes.”
“Your- ehm- order has arrived.”
He furrowed his brows, going through his memories, “But you said the bone china plates already arrived a few days ago? And that painting I wanted, it’s right there in the wall, you see.”
The attendant cleared his throat uncomfortably while loosening his collar. “Yes, they did arrive as well as the painting. However this is one of the- ehem- special orders. I put them away privately in your bedroom.”
Suddenly a lightbulb went off in the beautiful man’s head and he exclaimed in delight, “Ah, you mean one of those orders! Why didn’t you just say so from the beginning?”
The attendant didn’t even bother to answer, knowing his master had already ran off to unbox his items.
The omega squealed in joy as soon as he opened the box. Inside, perfectly wrapped in protective layers, laid a matching set of lingerie. Created from exquisite lace the handmade underwear came at a hefty price. Not that he was the one paying.
Gosh, he was so lucky! You really spoiled him so much. No wonder his head is turning in the wrong direction. He was living every omega’s dream. Managing to catch the attention of a highly respected and wealthy alpha is something every omega is told they’re supposed to do, but it doesn’t guarantee the consequences coming with it are great.
Not all alpha’s carry the same respect for others, especially omegas. But you were different! You treated him with outmost care and spoon-feed him every second. Oh, he just loves you so much!
“I’m home!” A voice rung through the penthouse and reached him.
“Sweetie!” The omega hurried to the front door to greet his lover.
You were slightly thrown back because of the force he had gathered when he hit against your body. You hugged him to your body and ran your fingers through his hair. Leaning down to his height, you breathed in his wonderful scent and smiled in bliss. Then your nose travelled further down to his neck.
"Haha, hey!" The omega squirmed slightly in your grasp. "That tickles."
"Did you miss me?" You ignored his pleas and continued sniffing him while asking directly if he'd thought about you today.
He became quiet for a moment before saying, "No."
But when you began affectionatly tickle him for real he changed his tone fast. Both of you landed on the floor (you made sure he wasn’t harmed, of course) in a laughing mess as he begged for mercy and gave up fighting you.
He blushed before admitting, “Okay, I did miss you. A lot actually.”
“Of course you did. After all, you are mine. My little omega.”
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dreamwritesimagines · 10 months
Text
Garden of Secrets [31] - Chamomile
A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback and support my loves, it made my whole week, you’re amazing!❤ I hope you’ll like this chapter as well, and please don’t forget to tell me what you think, thank you! ❤
Thanks so much to @theskytraveler​ for helping me with the chapter!
Summary: A ballroom can be a place of reconciliation.
Warnings: Regency era society and social rules, some gender specific language and terms, mentions of trauma and violence.
Word Count: 4400
Series Masterlist
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The following days after that night were interesting.
Granted things were still quite tense between you two, but perhaps because now you knew that neither of you wanted to walk away from this no matter how terrible that fight had been, there was also an unspoken agreement of peace. 
You passed by the hallway, fixing your gloves as you went downstairs and as soon as you reached the foyer, you saw Benedict entering the house.
“Husband,” you greeted him in a half joking manner as you walked past him, ignoring the way your heart skipped a beat.
“Wife,” he joked back, making you bite down on your smile but you stopped dead on your tracks as the thought hit you, and you turned around.
“Benedict wait,” you said, making him stop at the bottom of the stairs before he turned around as well to look at you.
“Yes?”
“We have the Coleshill ball tonight,” you said. “Don’t forget.”
“I haven’t,” he assured you. “At eight, I know. Are we going together?”
“I’ll be back before evening,” you said, shifting your weight. “So we can.”
He nodded and you cleared your throat, motioning at him.
“I mean if it’s fine with you, that is.”
“It’s fine—of course it’s fine,” he said quickly. “I just asked because you’re leaving, so…”
“To my uncle’s,” you replied and offered him a small smile. “Any luck with Lottie?”
“Not at all,” he said with a sigh. “And you?”
“I went there yesterday, she just sent a maid downstairs to tell me she was ill so she ‘couldn’t talk to me’,” you used air quotes and Benedict hummed.
“Same here,” he said. “Anthony says he saw her for a moment, she went to the drawing room to tell him she didn’t want to talk to him, and went straight back to her room.”  
“So she’s not speaking to any of us,” you clicked her tongue. “Great. I’ll talk to her during tonight’s ball, it’s fine.”
“You sound confident.”
“I try,” you murmured. “But if I get to talk to her, I’ll tell her the truth. Just so you know.”
“I doubt we have much of a choice on that, she already knows the general idea,” he commented and you shifted your weight.
“Sorry about that,” you said. “I really didn’t know she was there. I was arguing with Josie, and…”
“Not your fault,” he said, waving a hand in the air. “Don’t worry about it. And Josie?”
“She’ll come around,” you said. “By the way, if she knows then Bess knows as well. And probably Andrew.”
“Alright,” he said and cleared his throat. “I was thinking maybe I should talk to Josie.”
Your eyes widened. “What?” you asked. “Why on earth would you do that?”
“I think she’d want an explanation about this whole thing.”
“Josie isn’t the type to listen to explanations.”
“I’ll try anyway,” he said and thought for a moment. “I should probably try it with a body armor though.”
“She’s not going to stab you,” you said, and shook your head. “She’s not. She knows better.”
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”
“Both,” you muttered and took a deep breath. “Just—you know. It’ll be fine but be careful.”
“I will.”
“Also make sure there are witnesses around but it’ll be fine,” you added and he pulled his brows together.
“You are terrible at assuring people.”
“I’m working on it,” you admitted and clapped your hands together, offering him a smile. “It’ll be fine, hooray!”
He paused for a moment and blinked a couple of times, then nodded quite enthusiastically.
“Baby steps,” he said as if trying to encourage you. “We’ll get you there.”
You grimaced, making him chuckle and you both stared at each other for a moment, then you frowned, trying to snap out of it.
“Anyway, I’d better go.”
“Right,” Benedict said, shaking his head slightly. “See you when you come back.”  
“Sure thing,” you said and you walked out of the house, then approached the carriage as the coachman opened the door for you.
“Where to, ma’am?”
“My uncle’s house,” you said and got in the carriage. “Thank you.”
                                   *
When you got to your uncle’s house, there was no sign of Teddy or your aunt, and you looked around, then made your way to the closed door of your uncle’s study to knock on it.
“Come in!” he called out and you opened the door to peek your head in.
“Good morning uncle.”
“Oh my Clover is here!” he smiled and got up from his seat. You walked to him to hug him with a laugh.
“Were you busy?”
“Not at all, just going over…” he motioned at his desk. “Never mind. Your aunt and Teddy are outside at the park.”
“Oh that’s alright,” you said. “I was actually hoping I could talk to you?”
“Of course, sit down, sit down!” he said and called for the maid passing by the door, then asked her for some cookies and tea. You sat down on the sofa and he came to take his place on the armchair.
“To what do I owe this wonderful surprise?”
“I need your wisdom.”
“It’s at your service,” he joked as the maid walked in, carrying a tray.
“Thank you,” you said as she placed the cookies and tea on the small coffee table, then curtsied and left the room. You took a sip of your tea and leaned back.
“Any other letters?”
“None,” he said. “As I’ve told you.”
“That’s a relief at least.”
“You have nothing to worry about,” he assured you. “Now, what do you need my wisdom for?”
You looked down at the tea cup in your hand, then raised your glances.
“You and auntie have been married for a long time,” you started. “And auntie says you two fell in love after your first dance.”
“We did,” he said with a smile. “I thought I was dreaming when I first saw her.”
You licked your lips. “And you’re…you still love each other.”
“We do.”
“So you’ve never had a fight or anything right?”
He tilted his head. “Clover, what is this about?”
You took a deep breath, then cleared your throat.
“Hypothetically speaking,” you started. “Let’s say you and auntie had a fight and hypothetically it was a big fight and hypothetically you said things.”
“A lot of hypotheticals.”
“I woke up curious,” you replied and he chuckled.
“Is everything alright between you and Benedict?”
“Sure,” you said. “So? What would you do if that happened?”
He reached out to grab a cookie, then hummed.
“To answer your first question, we did have fights, me and your aunt,” he said and you frowned.
“You have the perfect marriage.”
“Perfect marriages don’t just happen, Clover,” he said. “Especially at the start of the said marriage. Yes we were in love, we still are but it doesn’t mean we didn’t have arguments. Every couple is bound to have them sooner or later.”
“Why did you have a fight?”
“Well, marriage is a huge change in one’s life. Takes a bit of time to get used to,” he said. “The important thing is to never forget how much you love the person you’re married to, no matter what you’re fighting over.”
You pressed your lips together and he gave you a small smile.
“How bad was the fight?”
“I uh—I said things,” you admitted and paused for a moment. “Not necessarily nice things.”
“Ah,” he said. “An apology could work, perhaps?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Did you try?”
“…No,” you said after a beat and sat up straighter. “I have another question.”
“Ask away dear.”
“How did you know?” you asked. “That you were in love with auntie?”
He thought for a couple of seconds, then shrugged his shoulders.
“I suppose I realized that no one else but her made me happier,” he said. “When I imagined my future, anything else was a detail as long as she was there. She was my first thought as I woke up and last thought as I went to sleep and I couldn’t…I couldn’t imagine a scenario where I didn’t have her in my life.”
You blinked a couple of times; the idea was way too familiar to you. You swallowed thickly, then let out a huff of breath and buried your palms into your eyes.
“He loves you,” he said, making you lower your hands. “Anyone could see that. A fight won’t change things as long as you two talk about what happened.”
“That’s not my strongest suit,” you murmured and he chuckled.
“No harm in trying.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“Perhaps because it is easy?” he asked. “If you’re wondering the key to a good marriage, it’s knowing when to listen and when to apologize.”
You slipped a little on the sofa and hummed.
“What if I try to apologize and he doesn’t want to hear it?”
“No offense Clover but out of the two of you, I’d say it’s you who doesn’t want to hear apologies and not him.”
You pouted your lips.
“That’s not…” you started to protest, then let out a noise of agreement and shrugged your shoulders. “Yeah, you might be right about that.”
                                  *
Coleshill Ball was an absolute blast. Lord Easton had apparently decided to attend along with Lucy and Henry, and he was instantly surrounded by many people trying to talk to him. He had only had a couple of seconds to greet you and Benedict before his many admirers started talking over each other, eager to have a conversation with him. The orchestra was very talented as well, so everyone seemed to be having fun, dancing and socializing.
Everyone except you, Benedict and Anthony. The three of you found yourselves huddled in the corner of the room while Lottie adamantly ignored you, busy with her conversation with Lord Finney after their dance. Lord Finney hadn’t stopped eyeing Lottie with a small smirk you didn’t like since the end of their dance, and you could swear if you tried to pass by Anthony’s eyesight, you would have dropped dead from a thousand invisible daggers he was glaring at Lord Finney whereas Benedict looked nearly impatient, biting inside his cheek.
“Can I stab him?” you asked to no one in particular and both Benedict and Anthony answered at the same time.
“No.”
“Yes.”
You looked up at Benedict. “The head of the family said yes.”
“Now you want to listen to someone?” he asked you. “Not to mention him of all people? You don’t even like him.”
“I’m standing right here Ben.”
“She doesn’t like you Anthony,” Benedict deadpanned without so much as sparing him a glance and you made a face.
“I have no idea what you speak of,” you mused. “I’ve been nothing but nice to Anthony.”
Anthony leaned forward to look at you around Benedict’s arm, a look of disbelief etched in his features. “This is you being nice?”
“You’re standing here alive and well, so yes.”
Benedict suppressed a laugh, and you took a deep breath, pursing your lips.
“You know what, that’s enough,” you said. “The next dance will not start for a half an hour, I’ll go there and talk to her.”
“And Finney?”
“I’ll threaten him,” you said and Benedict nodded.
“Want me to come with you?”
“I can intimidate people by myself Benedict, have some faith,” you told him and walked away from them to approach Lottie and Lord Finney.
“Lottie,” you said as you reached them. “Good evening.”
She stole a look at you, pouting. “Good evening to you too Mrs. Bridgerton.”
“…Fair enough,” you muttered and nodded in Finney’s direction. “Leave us.”
“Mrs. Bridgerton—”
You turned to him, your eyes narrowing into a cold glare as your voice lowered into a growl.
“I said leave.”
A look of intimidation crossed his eyes and he swallowed thickly, then took a step back and bowed his head before walking away from you both.
“That wasn’t very nice,” Lottie said and you shrugged your shoulders.
“I’m not interested in being nice,” you commented and gave her a small smile. “Can we talk Lottie? Please?”
Her brows furrowed for a moment, that pout still apparent on her lips.
“Five minutes is all I ask,” you said. “I’d like to explain myself if you’d let me.”
She thought for a moment, then heaved a sigh.
“Fine.”
“Great,” you said, a smile lighting up your face, “Let’s go outside.”
She followed you out of the ballroom and you both stepped outside to the garden. Thankfully there weren’t people around which was no wonder considering how fun the ball was inside, so you approached the nearest bench and sat down, Lottie taking her spot next to you.
“So?” she asked. “If you’re going to tell me any more lies—”
“I’m not,” you cut her off and shook your head. “I’m not going to lie to you, and I’m sorry that I did. I really am.”
That seemed to take her by surprise and she frowned slightly.
“And I know you heard my and Josie’s argument but I don’t think of you gullible or anything, it was just something I said because I was frustrated with Josie and the whole thing. I hope you know that.”
She nodded and thought for a moment.
“Tell me everything,” she said. “From the very beginning.”
So you did. If anything, it was such a relief that you felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders, and when you were finished a silence fell upon you both before Lottie let out a breath.
“Wow.”
“Yeah,” you said. “Exactly. You know what the ton thinks of me, they say Benedict married me because I trapped him or lured him away from you, or I planned it—”
“That’s not true.”
“And if they thought a scandal happened, you know what they would say about me,” you said. “So we told no one. The only reason we told Anthony was because he—he needed to know, considering everything. As I said, even my family doesn’t know.”
“Did you not trust me?”
“That’s not the reason,” you shook your head. “Lottie, you were so happy for us. I just couldn’t…I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint you and I’m sure Benedict feels the same.”
“You could never disappoint me,” she said. “I was just—I was sad.”
“I know.”
She nibbled on her lip and took a deep breath.
“Well,” she said. “At least it’s a relief that it wasn’t all a lie.”
“What?”
“Benedict and you have a love marriage.”
You raised your brows. “Uh, Lottie—”
“You two got married because you were caught kissing.”
“That’s lust Lottie, not love,” you said in a haste and she rolled her eyes at you.
“You honestly can’t see how he looks at you?” she asked. “Or how you look at him?”
Your heart skipped a beat and you sat up straighter. “Well because we had to pretend to be in love—”
“No one is that good of a pretender,” she said. “Not even you. And I’ve known Benedict for a long time, so I’d be able to tell if he were in fact pretending. It’s alright if you can’t see it yet, but I will be here to say I told you so when you finally realize that it is in fact a love marriage.”
You tried to swallow the nervous lump in your throat and averted your glances.
“Benedict and I are…” you trailed off. “We’re bound.”
“By marriage?”
“By fate.”
“By your hearts as well,” she pointed out and smiled at you, then pulled you into a hug. You hugged her back, and heaved a sigh when she pulled back.
“I’d better go, otherwise my next dance partner will assume I’m avoiding him,” she sighed and stood up. “Are you coming?”
“I think I’ll get some fresh air, it helps me think,” you said. “But I could also intimidate your next dance partner if you’d like.”
“I don’t wish to be rude,” she told you with a giggle and you saw Anthony stepping out of the house, making you tilt your head. Lottie turned around as he made his way to you.
“Charlotte, can we—?”
“No because I’m still angry at you,” Lottie said. “And I’m angry at Benny too, make sure to tell him that please.”
You pressed your lips together to contain your laughter at Anthony’s puzzled expression, but before he could say anything, Lottie stuck her nose in the air and walked past him to go back into the house. Anthony threw his head back and heaved a sigh while you leaned back, resting your elbows on the back of the bench.
“She forgave you?” he asked and you nodded.
“Yeah.”
“And she refuses to talk to me.”
“I have a more charming personality than you do.”
“Not really,” he said. “I mean just because your marriage is turbulent, doesn’t mean you should go around making others’ the same as well.”
You pulled your brows together in confusion. “You’re not married, in case it has escaped your notice.”
“I could’ve been,” he pointed out, “if I could get some spare time from the string of scandals you all throw at me. First you and Benedict, then Daphne and Simon, and now Colin wants to marry Miss Marina.”
“Wait really?” you asked. “It feels like yesterday he was getting all nervous to even talk to her. They grow up so fast.”
“Colin is older than you, Y/N.”
“That’s irrelevant,” you said and he came to sit beside you.
“So yeah, if everyone could stop for a moment to let me at least court Charlotte without getting in the way, it would be much appreciated.”
You smiled slightly and shrugged your shoulders.
“Patience is a virtue they say,” you said. “Perhaps waiting patiently will teach you a valuable lesson in the meantime.”
He scoffed. “Have you ever waited patiently for anything?”
“I’ve been waiting patiently for this conversation to end ever since you opened your mouth,” you retorted and rolled your eyes. “But if anything, she wants to marry you too.”
He turned to you, hope shining in his eyes. “She said that?”
“She mentioned it, yes,” you said. “So until she decides to forgive you, send her flowers, proclaim your undying love on a bent knee, whatever it is that in love people do.”
He nodded slowly, then cleared his throat.
“Speaking of that,” he said. “Is everything okay between Benedict and you?”
“Your guess is as good as mine,” you said and stole a glance at him. “What did he tell you?”
“He mentioned that you two had an argument but judging by the tortured look on his face for the last weeks up until a couple of days ago, I’d say it’s something more than a simple argument.”
You bit on your nail, keeping your gaze on the house.
“I’m not very pleasant when I’m angry,” you said and he raised his brows.
“If it makes you feel any better, you’re not very pleasant when you’re not angry either,” he stated and you turned your head to make a face at him.
“I would say I’m more pleasant than you but let’s be honest, it’s not like you’re setting a high standard there” you told him, making his lips twitch in amusement.
“Fair enough,” he said. “But just so you know; whatever it is that is bothering you, whatever happened between you and Benedict, if my help is needed in any way it’s at your service.”
You blinked a couple of times, furrowing your brows.
“…Why?”
“Because you’re family.”
A tentative smile curled your lips and your eyes darted over his face to get a hint of insincerity, but it wasn’t there.
“Thank you,” you mumbled after a pause and he shook his head.
“Don’t mention it,” he said and you saw Benedict stepping outside. Anthony turned to look at him, then stood up.
“I’ll try my chances to talk to Charlotte,” he said and walked away from you, passing by Benedict to get in the house. Benedict put his hands in his pockets and approached you.
“Hello there.”
“Hello,” you said and stuck your nose in the air in an exaggerated smug manner. “Lottie forgave me.”
He tilted his head. “Really?”
“Yes but she’s still angry at you and Anthony,” you said and he hummed.
“That explains why she glared at me when she got back in the ballroom just now.”
You grinned. “I’ll put in a good word for you.”
“I appreciate that,” he said with a chuckle and motioned at the bench. “Do you mind?”
“Not at all,” you said and he sat beside you, making you bite down on your lip, stealing a look at him.
“Ben?”
“Hm?”
“I’m…” you paused for a moment, your heart climbing up to your throat in nervousness, making you take a shaky breath. “I’m sorry.”
A look of surprise crossed his face and you sat up straighter, turning to see him better.
“I don’t…I don’t really pay attention to the words I say when I’m angry, which is no excuse but—I’m working on it,” you said, nodding as if trying to encourage yourself. “And I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean any of that.”
A soft light appeared in his eyes and he nodded.
“Your apology is heard and accepted,” he quoted you, making you frown in doubt.
“That easily?”
“Mm hm,” he said. “That easily.”
“I would’ve made me suffer more.”
“Good thing we’re complete opposites then,” he said and you bit back a smile.
“Good thing for me at the very least,” you commented as the beginning notes of the orchestra’s dance tune reached your ears. Benedict stole a look at you.
“Do you want to dance?”
“I don’t feel like going back inside,” you said with a shrug of your shoulders. “Too crowded.”
“Who said we needed to go back inside?” he asked as he stood up to offer his hand. A scoff of laughter escaped from your mouth, and your eyes went from his hand up to his face to see whether he was jesting or not. That playful lopsided grin curled his lips as you placed your hand in his, and he pulled you up to your feet.
“You’re not serious.”
“Oh I absolutely am,” he said as he entwined his fingers with yours and you let him twirl you before he pulled you closer, a giggle climbing up your throat despite you trying to repress it.
You two were standing much closer than this dance -or any dance- required, but you couldn’t find it in you to care. You rested a hand on his broad chest, feeling the thrumming of his heart underneath your fingertips and he sneaked an arm around your waist, burying his nose into your hair while you two swayed slowly with the tune.
“I missed this,” Benedict murmured into your hair and you closed your eyes for a moment, inhaling his pleasant scent as discreetly as you could, all your senses full of him.
“Dancing?”
“Holding you,” he said softly and you smiled, opening your eyes but not pulling back.
“It’s peaceful,” you whispered and he hummed, caressing the back of your hand with his thumb, the simple gesture making your stomach do a happy flip.
“It is.”
“I missed it too,” you admitted, your voice quiet. “It’s been—”
“Hey lovebirds!” Henry’s voice cut through you and you pulled back, both you and Benedict turning to look at him. Lucy elbowed Henry.
“I told you not to interrupt!”
“They can continue that later on,” Henry said as you felt your cheeks burn, shifting your weight before you managed to smile at them.
“Hello.”
“We have a party to catch, come on,” Henry held up an envelope. “Apparently Jane felt like throwing a celebration for the sake of it all of a sudden, Thomas just sent word. You’re both invited as well.”
“Everyone is already there,” Lucy added and Henry grinned.
“Gordon is coming as well—we’ll go get the carriage,” he said and they both walked away from you. Benedict heaved a sigh.
“I don’t think—” you paused for a moment. “I think I’ll skip this one but you should go.”
“Oh no, I don’t have to be there,” he said in a haste and you smiled slightly.
“Benedict,” you said. “Go have fun, it’s been a while. I would’ve come with if it were any other time, but I think I should try to make things better between Lottie and Anthony—don’t tell him I said that.”
He pulled his brows together. “Sorry, you’ll try to make things better between them?”
“Yes.”
“Who are you and what did you do to my wife?”
Your heart skipped a beat at that but you bit back a smile, then heaved a sigh.
“What can I say? I’m very compassionate.”
He shot you a playful look before pointing at the house with his thumb. “Was there something in the lemonade?”
“I feel responsible,” you said. “And I don’t know, he’s—he’s family, so I should just at least try to patch things between them. Put in a good word and such.”
That made him smile before he cleared his throat.
“I don’t have to go, it’s just some party,” he insisted. “I’ll help you.”
“Lottie isn’t talking to you either, I doubt you’d be much of a help,” you reminded him and let out a laugh. “Go. I swear this is not me setting you up for…for a fight in the morning. I’ll make things better between those two and then go home. I doubt I’ll be able to talk to you when we go into that ballroom anyway, no reason for you to come with.”
He thought for a moment. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely,” you said. “Go have fun. I’ll come with you to the other one, I promise.”
He looked at you as if trying to read your mind and took a deep breath.
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll be home early, okay? Definitely before you go to sleep.”
“Alright,” you said. “Well I have a very stubborn friend to convince, so if you’ll excuse me...”
He smiled softly, then held your hand to place a kiss on the back of it, making your heartbeat faster.
“I’ll see you in a couple of hours then.”
“Deal,” you said, your cheeks still burning. “Have fun, give everyone my regards.”
“Good luck with those two,” he said, nodding in the direction of the house before walking away from you and you heaved a sigh, then licked your lips.
“Alright,” you muttered, painfully aware of the smile on your face as you made your way to the house. “This should be interesting.”
Chapter 32
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Hi guys ♥
We come to the end of this series that I really enjoyed writing. I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did and I thank again all those who took the time to comment or like the different chapters.
It was a big work and I'm kind of sad that it ends to be honest, but I think it's better to finish it this way :)
Enjoy ♥
TW : Kidnapping, hurt, angst, fear.
PART 1 I PART 2 I PART 3 I PART 4 I PART 5 I PART 6
______________________________________________________________
Your rehabilitation is going well, even if you find that the time is long to be completely honest. After four weeks you had the right to have your cast removed to make you put a splint, which has already helped you move a little better by yourself. After that you were able to start a rehabilitation, allowing you to quickly find the pitch. You miss playing football terribly and you don't know how you will do when you have to retire permanently. But you’d rather not think about it for now, focusing on the idea of playing again as soon as possible.
To pass the time during your rehabilitation, you started painting more than before. You are not tired enough to go to sleep after your workouts so you get tired using your concentration otherwise. You paint a bit of everything, without it being very precise. Landscapes, objects, memories of your childhood… You paint a bit of everything that goes through your head.
Leah likes to come and join you in your studio, apparently finding yourself with your long white shirt and painted hands particularly attractive. You’re not complaining, of course. You wouldn’t know why you feared Leah’s eyes on your painting until you really let her into your studio. Maybe because she knows a little about the subject and because what you paint is something you consider intimate. You never really let anyone see what you were painting. But again, Leah is different.
********
You come back from training, which you were able to participate in for the first time since your injury. Your leg is back as muscular as before and you managed to recover to play the last games of the season, including a very important England Cup final for the club.
You’re also at the same point with Chelsea to win the championship, which also means a lot to Arsenal. And for Leah, coming back on a double win would be something exceptional for her. And you hope that you and the team will be able to offer this to all of you. Your teammates are relieved to have you back and you are happy to be able to help them too. It's not yet a question of you going back to a game entirely from the beginning, but playing the joker of the second half suits you perfectly for the moment.
So you’re back from practice, lying on the couch in your living room watching Love Island. Alessia isn't with you tonight, stating that she intended to offer herself a good hot bath, certainly with a multitude of bath salt and candles.
You and Leah managed to sit on the couch, lying next to each other after dinner. Leah seems to be captivated by the screen but you are not really. Your gaze must weigh on her at least a minimum since she ends up turning her eyes on your face.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" the blonde wonders.
"For nothing" you mumble by biting your lower lip.
Your fingers gently push back a lock of her blonde hair behind her ear. This isn't really the truth, since you have an idea that has been in your head for some time and you don't know how to propose it to Leah. Your lie doesn’t work at all about Leah arching an eyebrow.
"Since when you try to lie to me?"
You laugh slowly, letting your fingers slide over her jaw. You may have seen her daily for months, but you doubt that you will ever tire of the perfection of her facial features. You hit her gently on the nose when she pretends to bite you though.
"If I offer you something and you find it too strange, you agree to act like you didn’t hear anything?"
Your question seems to surprise Leah, whose attention you now have. Her curious gaze scrutinizes you attentively.
"Is it something sexual?" she grins.
"No, you horny teenager boy" you laugh
"What is it then?"
You feel the curiosity in her voice too and you briefly wonder what she can think of before answering her. But when you open your mouth to offer her what you have in mind, you abruptly reverse.
"No nothing, forget it. It’s a bad idea"
You feel a little blushed and you hope that Leah will accept what you just said. But you also know perfectly well that it won’t.
"But tell me!" exclaims the blonde rising suddenly, almost throwing you on the ground.
"Leah!" you laugh-shout when you catch up to her size to stay on the couch.
"What is it? Tell me!"
To support her request, Leah sits on your stomach, thus preventing you from moving if ever the idea came to you to run away in the kitchen. And you have to admit that it came to mind for a few seconds.
"No" you answer smiling and shaking your head.
"You leave me no choice."
With an evil smile, Leah starts tickling your ribs, causing your uncontrollable laughter. You try to escape, but between her muscular strength and the loss of yours through laughter, you end up accepting the idea that you have no chance to escape.
"All right, all right! I’ll tell you."
Satisfied, Leah immediately stops her torture session and patiently waits for you to catch your breath to be able to answer her.
"I was wondering if you would accept that I make a portrait of you"
You see curiosity give way to surprise, then reflection on Leah’s face. You don’t do much portrait to be completely honest, you once made a replica of a wedding photo of your parents for their twentieth wedding anniversary and that’s it.
And a Raven portrait, but you’re not sure that matters.
"You want to paint me?" wonders Leah
"Only if you fully agree with that. You have the right to say it’s weird"
"I don’t think it’s weird"
Leah smiles at you and you immediately know that she means what she’s saying to you. She’s still sitting on your belly and you’re gently sliding your fingers down her legs, mechanically reshaping the scar from her surgery last year.
"Like a Titanic painting?"
"I imagined it with a little more clothes to be honest" you laugh softly. "But sincerely, how you feel most comfortable"
"That would be amazing" ended up answering Leah after a few seconds of reflection.
You smile at her and pull her against you, kissing her lips. When the pretty blonde lies on top of you and you turn your attention to the TV screen, you are in truth once again not focused at all on what is happening there. Your mind is already thinking about the canvas you are going to make and what you want to bring out on it.
********
When you can finally play an entire football game, Leah’s portrait is almost complete. What started out being a little intimidating quickly became a special moment between you. You feared at first that the way you represented her would not suit her. However, you have pushed this fear into a corner of your head since you will not allow Leah to see the canvas until it's finished. Despite her self-confidence, Leah seemed almost shy to you at first. It must be said that the look you put on her in those moments is different from the stolen looks you give her when you watch television, or when you admire her sleeping when you wake up before her.
But you have an excuse to admire her as much as you want now and you never get tired of it. The truth is, you’re almost disappointed that this is over. You loved spending hours looking for the perfect color mix for her eye or hair color. And having her with you in your painting studio also makes you happy.
Over time, Leah has become familiar with your lair and seems to enjoy spending time there too. When you tell her that you no longer need her and that she can go do something else, she often comes back to you with other things to do. To make her feel more comfortable than a simple chair, you bought an extra sofa despite Leah’s protests that it’s frankly not necessary.
The following Tuesday, after training, Leah goes to spend time with her family. Well, Amanda asked you to be here too, but you still want Leah to spend time alone with her family. So you go from time to time, but today Leah goes alone directly after training.
"I’m gonna miss you" says Leah, hugging you.
You may be exaggerating your goodbyes, but you don’t care. You enjoy your embrace, Leah’s arms around your waist while yours are around her neck. Just like you enjoy her kisses on your cheek, on your jaw and in your neck.
"I’m going to miss you too" you smile as you take her face in both hands to put a kiss on her lips.
"Oh God" whines Katie joining you at the exit "You will see you again in maximum four hours, don’t you think you’re a little too much?"
"Five if I beat them all" Leah smiled mischievously as she picked you up again, kissing you in the hollow of your neck.
You laugh when you hear Katie sigh desperately, then turn around when you hear the building door open again, probably in search of some moral support.
"Caitlin comes kiss your girlfriend to get her off my back, please" Leah says when she sees the Australian coming with Kyra and Steph.
"I’m not as needy as you are" Katie snorts
You see Caitlin rolling her eyes but approaching Katie who discreetly passes an arm around her waist to train her to her car. When you see Alessia finally arrive, you know that you will not be able to postpone your little separation very longer.
"Write to me when you arrive?" You ask Leah despite the fact that she does it every time.
"Sure" smiled Leah.
After a few kisses exchanged (Alessia must practically tear you from Leah’s arms), you find yourself in the Mercedes of the blonde in the direction of your building.
The ride is full of discussion, laughter and songs. With Less' promise of homemade pizzas, you know you’re going to have a great night. Lia is supposed to join you a little later to spend the evening with you, just like Manu.
"Shit, I left my phone in your car. Sorry, can I have your keys please?" you sigh when you come out of the garage.
If Leah had been with you you wouldn’t have cared, but this time it’s different. You take back the keys of Alessia’s car in the hands with an excuse smile and you go back quickly. After retrieving your phone, you return to the elevators and press the button on your floor by sending a message to Leah informing her that you have arrived home.
You take the time to put your bag in your apartment and grab a bottle of water in your fridge. You are filling the bowl with Raven’s croquettes when you hear the characteristic sound of something crashing into Alessia’s apartment, making you roll your eyes. This is clearly not the first time and probably the last.
"I don’t know if we’ll ever meet someone as clumsy as Auntie Less" you tell Raven.
The latter throws a reproach glance over her meal, without taking care to stop eating.
"I never said it took away her qualities" you answer by raising both hands in the air.
After two or three caresses, you get up to join Alessia in her apartment and probably help her to clean what has fallen. You just hope it’s not the jar of flour or tomato sauce she uses to make her pizzas.
"You alright Less?" you ask when entering your friend’s apartment.
But you freeze suddenly. It’s not Alessia who is in front of you, where she should be. It's not Alessia who is in the middle of the glass bricks of a mozzarella jar that
And it’s not Alessia looking at you with a dark smile, arms crossed over her chest.
It's Helena.
Your brain makes a short circuit for a few seconds, during which you watch her without moving. You don’t know what she’s doing here, how she found you and how she got into Alessia’s apartment. And what scares you even more is knowing exactly where Alessia is. That’s finally the first thing you can say. You know what she’s capable of, and that terrorizes you.
"Where’s Alessia?" you ask her, with your chaotic breathing
"After all these years without seeing me that’s all you have to say to me?" laughs coldly Helena.
You suppress a chill. Her bad and cold laugh reminds you of very bad memories, but you try not to let yourself be dragged there for the moment. You focus on the present and therefore on the health of one of the people who matters most to you right now.
"Where is Alessia?" you repeat, in a slightly louder voice.
"Don’t worry about her, she’s fine"
Her tone and voice are filled with disdain. When she starts to move, moving around the apartment looking around her, you feel like electric currents running through your body. Nothing to do with what Leah gives you, though.
Leah.
Finally, it’s a good thing the blonde is with her family right now. You don’t know what Helena wants from you, but it’s out of the question that your girlfriend crosses paths with your ex’s. The idea that Alessia had to do it makes you nauseous.
"So this is where you live now?"
You don’t answer anything, just watching her like milk on the fire. You know very well that when she seems calm, this is where she's the most dangerous. When she realizes that you will not answer her, Helena turns to you with an amused look.
"It’s true that you were much less talkative at the end of our relationship. I forgot"
"What do you want, Helena?" you ask coldly.
"Watch your tone, pretty girl" tsked Helena looking at you.
Unlike the last time you saw her, you supported her gaze when she stuck it in yours. It seemed to surprise her. But time passed and you grew and evolved. You changed, just like her. Her face is thinner and slender, purple circles give her two eyes steel color an impression of disturbing grandeur. She's still pretty tho, but has definitly nothing attractive to you.
"What do you want?" you say again.
Helena comes to position herself in front of you and even if your mind begs you to run away, you don't move. Not until I know what’s going on and especially what she did to Alessia.
"You? You didn’t come back to see if I lived in the same place for nothing, did you?"
You feel your stomach fall from several floors. You don't understand how she saw you, you were perfectly hidden that morning. She couldn’t see you from her house, let alone from the window where you saw her. Your face must be talking since Helena is laughing.
"Next time you come spying on me, do it wisely. The neighbor saw you hiding behind his car. He almost called the cops."
Helena laughs again and gets closer to you. You’re only a few inches apart now.
"Did you miss me?" she asks you with a mischievous smile.
"Not for a fucking second" you answer coldly.
Her smile fades as quickly as you slapped her and you see her look change. Seeing her so surprised is so surprising to you that you let your guard down. It doesn’t take more than that for Helena to jump at the chance, grabbing Alessia’s rolling pin to crush her with all her might on your skull, knocking you out instantly.
********
Your skull hurts when you try to open your eyes. You realize you’re lying on a cold floor and it’s dark. Your eyes need a few seconds to get used to the ambient darkness. Your hands are immobilized in your back, preventing you from helping you get up in the small room you are in. You quickly realize that it must be a small cellar somewhere. In front of you, Helena looks at you attentively, your phone in her hand.
"Drop it" you mumble as you roll on your back before sitting up.
"She’s pretty stubborn" Helena replies, ignoring you completely.
She turns your phone screen in your direction and you can see Leah’s ID. She’s trying to call you. If your gaze lingers for a few seconds on the photo you chose for her contact, you also manage to see the time it is. And it’s been at least five hours since you left her from the training ground. Lia and Manu are supposed to have arrived at your home as well and you sincerely hope that they were able to help Alessia.
When your screen turns black again, Helena gently rests it on the ground and puts her attention back on you.
"You continue to be a constant problem for me, it’s painful."
You don’t answer at that either. Not out of fear as was previously the case, but because you learned that ignorance is the best contempt. You don’t want to give Helena any more hold on you.
"Looks like you’ve made some friends. How all those people can be interested in someone like you?" laughs Helena, and this time you can’t support her gaze.
That’s kind of the question you constantly ask yourself in the background and probably where most of your insecurities come from. How can people care about you? Why did Ingrid choose to put herself in danger and get you out of that cursed house? Why did Laia and Leila automatically take you under their wing in Manchester? Why does Alessia also consider you a sister? Why do Manu, Lia, Katie, Kyra, Caitlin consider you a friend today?
By what miracle does Leah seem to be in love with you, too?
"You’re nothing and mean nothing. It was time I came to remind you, I think."
You answer nothing, your eyes stubbornly fixed on the ground at your feet, jay tightens. Your silence and lack of reaction seem to begin to annoy Helena.
"Look at me when I talk to you" spits Helena.
You hate to obey so quickly, but you automatically raise your gaze on her. But it allows you to realize that the mask of coldness that she used to keep is now cracked. She realizes that she no longer has the control as before and that gives you a little courage.
"You are mine. You belong to me."
The words she says are somewhat similar to those Leah can utter in your most intimate moments, but the intent behind it is completely different. Where there is only evil in Helena, behind those of Leah there is only love, devotion and admiration. Even if you don’t understand how and why you’re lucky enough to have a girl like Leah in your life, you realize right now that what Helena is telling you is wrong.
You have people who love and appreciate you. People who believe in you.
"And you know you won’t love anyone else as you love me"
Helena tries a poker game, but it only triggers a scornful laugh from you.
"I don’t even have enough interest in you to hate you anymore" you answer coldly.
The sound of the slap she gives you echoes in the little room. You should have expected it. The skin of your cheek burns after its blow and you know that she put all her strength into it.
"No one will be interested in you for ever as I will and you know it. Look! Even your precious girlfriend stopped trying to call you"
Helena grabs your phone and throws it in your direction. It comes straight to your head before it ricochets off your head and falls to the ground. You see the number of missed calls from Leah, but you find that it’s indeed been long minutes since she tried to contact you. You also received other calls from people you can’t see and the usual whatsapp notifications and different social networks you’re on. The only difference from usual is Lia’s missed calls.
"You didn’t listen to anything I told you. You keep strutting around on the football fields and chasing your stupid ball. You are ridiculous."
A new slap sounds in the room and you close your eyes under the impact. You pretty sure you will have bruises. You’re trying to get back on your feet, hoping that your muscles that are more developed than before will allow you to do better than all these years ago. Where you spent hours at the gym, Helena seems to have spent them lying on her bed using illegal substances.
But your attempt is quickly spotted by Helena, who doesn't hesitate to return you to the ground with a well placed kick. You crash violently against the ground, the pain leaving you groggy for a few seconds.
A loud sound makes you suddenly open your eyes and you fear for your life for a few seconds, but you finally understand that it's actually the door of the cellar that we tried to force. A split second later, it opens on the fly, letting in several armed people. Your first reaction, no doubt stupid, is to believe that they are Helena’s accomplices. But when they throw themselves at her, you realize that if they’re there, it’s to help you.
THey help you get up and free you from the bonds that held your hands before getting you out of the cellar. Honestly, you don’t understand what’s going on. When you get out of the building, you realize you’re not far from your building.
The night seems to have fallen for a long time and the headlights of the police cars illuminate the street at regular intervals. They take you to an ambulance and you let it happen, like a robot. However, you quickly come back to reality by hearing a voice you know well pronounce your name.
Leah.
You barely have time to turn around as you find yourself caught in her arms, her hair obstructing your field of vision and her perfume enveloping all your senses. When you close your eyes, you feel tears coming out of your eyes and soon your whole body is shaken with tears.
Whispering comforting words in your ear, Leah leads you to the ambulance without releasing you for a single second. And that’s exactly what you need, the way you hold onto her shirt could attest to that.
"Alessia" you manage to pronounce after a few minutes.
You’re sitting in the back of the ambulance, Leah at your side while the paramedics seem determined to examine you from head to toe despite your confirmation that you’re okay.
"She’s fine" Leah says "She’s shocked, but she’s fine. Lia and Manu finds her when they come to her apartment, she was in her bedroom. She's not hurt."
You nod, feeling your throat knotted again. Knowing what she went through this because of you gnaws at you from within.
"It’s my fault Lee. She came back because I was seen in her neighborhood in Oslo. You were right. I should never have gone."
"It’s not your fault" Leah replies, wiping one of your tears rolling down your cheeks
But you cannot tolerate that answer. You gently shake your head and shift a little to get away from her. You don’t deserve someone to comfort you after all the evil you brought tonight. Especially not someone like Leah. Someone who deserves better. It’s time you stopped being selfish.
"Y/N..."
Leah try to take you back against her, but you are interrupted by one of the nurses who comes back to you with different papers in his hands. Apparently you are fine, but they still want to keep you in the hospital under observation for the night. You will probably be visited by police officers to discuss what has just happened.
You nod, despite the fact that you are getting tired of hospitals.
"Are you coming with us?" the nurse asks Leah
"Yes" she answers automatically
"No" you answer at the same time
The look Leah gives you is so shocked that you can’t help but feel guilty. Like at the beginning of your relationship, you still have no desire to hurt or harm her.
"Alessia’s gonna need you" you’re vaguely mumbling as an explanation
"She has Lia and Manu with her and we called her parents"
Realizing the number of people involved in this story, you curl up and squeeze your palms against your eyes. When you feel Leah’s hand on your shoulder, you have once again the reflex to try to detach yourself from it. But Leah doesn't let you.
"Everybody’s gonna hate me" you mumble, before you start thinking out loud. "I’m gonna have to move from here, change places and stop football. The best thing is that I go back to Norway and I…"
"Y/N, shut up for mercy"
You oblige and freeze instantly when you hear Leah’s voice. With the help of her hands, she gently lifts you up and removes your hands in the same way from your eyes.
"I know what you’re doing. There’s no way you’re running away. Nobody’s going to hate you. You’re the victim in the story"
But you shake your head violently at this statement. You feel the ambulance start, the engine purring gently.
"Bullshit. If there’s a victim here, it’s Alessia. And you, because you should never have had to go through this. And Lia and Manu, who certainly freaked out too. And Alessia's family, god can you imagine their fear? It’s my fault that all this happened."
"No. It’s Helena’s fault."
You hate to hear Leah say that name and she knows it perfectly. If the nickname she had chosen was a little to dismiss the situation, he was nonetheless innocent. It was mostly to stop hearing that name that makes you nauseous.
"Everybody’s gonna know. Everybody’s gonna know and hate me" you say in a low voice.
"Nobody’s gonna hate you god Y/N" sighs Leah pushing you to sit next to you on the bed. "The only thing that’s gonna happen is that people who know about you will be worried about you because you’re important to their lives. Because they care about you. Because they love you."
You remain silent, carefully avoiding Leah’s gaze. You cannot imagine that she could be right to be completely honest, something terrible could have happened to Alessia for example. And if Leah had been with you, you wouldn’t even imagine what might have happened. The very idea terrifies you.
"I can’t let her get close to you" you end up answering.
"She can’t do it anymore. After what happened tonight, even if you decide for stupid reasons not to press charges, Alessia will."
Leah’s tone is a little abrupt and you can’t decently blame her for being a little bit angry. Alessia is one of your best friends, but you know that Leah and her are also very close. So you remain silent, letting yourself move as the road moves. You feel Leah’s gaze on you, but yours is stubbornly fixed on your hands.
"Hey"
Leah’s voice sounds again after a few minutes and surprises you in your thoughts. Forgetting your resolve until now, you mechanically turn your gaze on her.
"Believe it or not, you matter to a lot of people here"
You sigh softly and look away again, putting your eyes back on the landscape that passes by the small rear window of the ambulance.
"I don’t want to cause trouble for anyone. Especially not for people I love"
"There won’t be any more problems. She won’t make it this time."
Leah seems so confident and determined that you finally believe it a little. But Helena always seemed so untouchable that you still have a little trouble realizing that it’s possible. Except for Ingrid, no one ever suspected what she was doing to you. Leah knows now and you’ll probably have a lot of questions to ask her about how they found you.
"Hey" whispers Leah again.
You again silently raise your gaze on her and you note with surprise that it has softened a little since earlier.
"I do. I love you, I care for you and you mean the world to me"
You’re back in tears. Leah puts an arm around you and you let yourself go against her this time, unable to resist any longer the comfort that you know she is able to provide you.
"And I’ll tell you until you finally believe it, every day if you have to. Until you get sick of me."
"Never" you mumble, not really knowing if she heard you.
Plot twist: She heard you.
When you arrive at the hospital, you stubbornly refuse additional tests, repeating again and again that you are fine. You don’t even have a concussion as a result of the shock you received, which made you lose consciousness. You have a good bump, though, and some bruises. But you’re doing pretty well.
The most difficult moment is undoubtedly the interrogation of the police to whom you had to tell everything from A to Z. Despite your supplications, Leah was not allowed to stay with you and this obviously made things much more complicated to live or to relive.
The second moment was the call to your parents, informed by the justice of what had happened to you. To them too, you had to tell them some things but you silenced the worst things undoubtedly. They’ll probably resent you for a while for hiding such things from them, but not to the point of not wanting to talk to you. You had to stop your mother from jumping on the first plane to meet you.
Fortunately, the judicial inquiry and everything around it will be kept silent at your request and the general public will not learn what happened to you in the past and in recent days. The official story is that you and Alessia stumbled upon a group of particularly aggressive burglars. That’s quite plausible.
To get you home, Leah had to go home to pick up a car since she followed you here with the ambulance. After making sure you were okay, she finally left the hospital and you took the opportunity to call Ingrid, informed by your parents. You should also ask them not to say anything. For Ingrid, you know that you have no risk of this happening.
You just hung up with her when someone gently knocks on the door of your room and you look up at the door when you allow the person to enter. Your heart tightens a little when seeing that it's Alessia. She looks at you cautiously and on your side you don't dare to sketch the slightest movement, persuaded that she's terribly angry with you. And if it’s not her, it’ll probably be her family.
"Can I come in?" she asks you, almost timidly.
You silently nod for any answer. You watch her gently close the door behind her, looking in her behavior for the slightest sign of a potential dispute or reproach. Your eyes glide over herface, hands and body in search of wounds, but you find nothing.
If Leah saw you, she’d probably call you a fool.
"How are you feeling?"
Her question makes you blink and you feel a little stupid for not having asked it first. So you bite your lip briefly before returning it to her, without having replied.
"What about you?"
"I'm okay. I only have one bump."
You cross her eyes and you can easily detect the attention with which she looks at you.
"I'm -"
"Leah told me you expect me to yell at you or resent you. But it’s not what I think Y/N. It’s not your fault."
You sigh softly and shake your head negatively. You want people to stop telling you that, because you know that’s the case. You never should have gone back to her house that night, she never would have come back.
"Listen" continues Alessia as she sits on your bed "I know what you think but let me tell you what I think. It wasn’t very smart of you to go back to her house in Oslo, I agree with you, but at least now we know where she is and what she’s doing. She can’t hurt anyone anymore. She can never come back for you or seek to harm you in any way. You can feel safe now, because you are."
It’s hard to remain insensitive to such a speech, but you can’t find the words to answer Alessia. The blonde doesn't seem to hold it against you once again, since she addresses you a new smile.
"And for what it’s worth, you’re still my sis. And I love you."
Despite yourself, you can’t hold a little laugh and you reach out to her hoping to receive a hug. Alessia isn't begging to offer you one, almost crushing you in her arms.
"I’m so glad you’re okay" you whisper, briefly tightening your arms around her. "And thank you."
"What for?"
"Being you. To forgive me, to be there again and again."
"Again and again" she repeats before letting you go, smiling. "Now put on your shoes and jacket, Leah is waiting for us downstairs. Let's go to her before she accuse me to molesting you again."
********
There are finally only a few people at Arsenal who are aware of what really happened and it suits you very well. In addition to Leah, Alessia, Lia and Manu, you suffered the suspicious look of Katie who looked at you at length during your story. She didn’t ask any specific questions, but just told you that if you needed any help from the Irish mafia, she had contacts. You know that this is certainly not true (well, you hope) but you appreciate the message behind this statement.
You violently refused to rest for the next games, just like Alessia. You also asked Jonas to treat you as he would normally, according to your abilities of the moment and what you do during training. That puts you in the starting players for the final game for the England Cup, West Ham. And this time, you are both on the pitch against Alina and Jordan, who are also both lined up from the start of the game.
The players of the opposing team are not yet present in the corridor when you arrive and you imagine that it's for this reason that Leah lets herself grab your fingers with hers. This draws your questioning gaze to her and she simply smiles at you. You feel that she is trying not to choke you with her worry about what happened with Helena, but you appreciate her constant presence at your side. Since you are only between you and the others are discussing everything and nothing, you take the opportunity to let yourself go a little more against her.
"Stressed?" You ask Leah when she drops your fingers to put her arm around your waist.
"A little more than usual" confesses the blonde in a low voice.
"You will be exceptional, as always"
Leah pinches your ribs smiling maliciously, your little cry of surprise making turn almost all of your teammates. Some people laugh when they see you, and you chase Leah’s hand away by hitting her. Seeing that she is about to continue your hand game, Lia pretends to intervene between you smiling.
"That’s enough, behave yourself"
That’s when the West Ham players begin to arrive at your side and you let Leah spin you aroung by holding you by the shoulders to face the exit. That doesn’t stop you from taking one last amused look at her before focusing on the game. Well it was until Leah kiss your jaw.
Your face is impassive when you shake hands with Jordan and then with Alina. You feel a lot better in your shoes than the last time it happened and it really makes you happy.
You find yourself in front of the field, attacking, alongside Alessia. Leah is in the back with Katie and with Caitlin, Lia in midfield, Beth and Viv, it has become a bit of your basic structure. It works very well like that and Jonas probably didn't want to take risks and try last minute strategies. Maybe he keeps a card in his sleeve for the second half if something weird happens.
But it doesn’t happen. Alessia manages to score a goal in the twelfth minute and you put another one in the twenty-third. Katie scores the third on a free kick just before half-time and you have to hold back from jumping into the locker room. Jonas urges you to stay focused for the second half, reminding you that if you managed to score three in forty-five minutes, West Ham is quite capable of doing so as well. So it’s just as focused that you go back into the field, ready to fight.
You don’t know what instructions the coach gave to the West Ham players, but there is no doubt that he asked them to press you as high as possible on the court. During corners or free kicks it's suddenly Alina who is supposed to take you, which isn't necessarily to your liking. You suddenly push her hands back when she puts them on you several times, ending up attracting the attention of the referee who comes to ask you to calm down a little.
West Ham actually manages to score a goal soon after, but you score a second a few minutes later. And Kyra, back for Beth at halftime, seals your easy win just before the end of the game.
When you lift the cup, you can’t help but look at the joy on Leah’s face and then on your teammates. Your friends. No matter how much you think about it, you don’t remember being as happy in your life as you are at that moment.
You smile at Leah when she crosses your eyes, mimicking a silent "I love you" with your lips, to which she responds by sending you a kiss.
********
"Leah, where are we going?" you ask, laughing softly, the blonde making you walk with both hands on your eyes.
It almost makes you stumble several times, but Leah watches over you carefully and catches up with you every time.
"We’re almost there" the blonde promises.
And indeed, a few seconds later she releases your eyes, taking the time to put in front of you before resuming the speech.
"Don’t open your eyes yet" Leah said, taking your face in her hands "First of all, I want you to know that there is no obligation to anything. That it won’t change anything between us no matter what you say. And that I love you"
"You’re scaring me, Lee." You mumble, frown.
"You don’t need it" Leah smiles.
She puts a tender kiss on your lips before releasing you and stepping back a few steps.
"You can open your eyes now"
You comply and blink several times to recover to the ambient light. Leah dragged you here after training, you’re at St-Albans not far from the training center, but not far from where her parents live too. You know that Caitlin and Katie, Kyra and Lia lived not far from here too. The building in front of you is typically English. It's a semi-detached house whose building is protected by a barrier and various security. Some work has certainly been done recently because everything seems particularly clear.
"What are we doing here?" you ask while frowning.
Leah is scratching her throat, apparently a little stressed. The way she swings from her toes to her heels tells you how nervous she is.
"Move in with me. We practically live together already and I want to wake up with you every day. I want to fall asleep with you and be able to moan because Raven is clawing on my couch while that damn cat has a brand new cat tree. I want to be able to take care of you and protect you every day. I know it’s a big step, but I love you and I want to make my life with you. Say yes, please?"
"Of course, yes" you answer with a smile.
Truth is, she already had you in the first sentence, but hearing that pretty statement doesn’t hurt. A big smile appears on Leah’s face as she hurries to put her hands around your waist to lift you off the floor and offer you a hug. You can’t help but laugh and put your arms around her neck.
After a few kisses, Leah shows you around the house, pointing out that you have the right to refuse the place if it doesn't suit you. But it seems to be perfect. An underground garage, the ground floor is reserved for the kitchen, the open dining room and the living room which gives access to the large garden behind the house. There is also a bathroom. Upstairs, there is what Leah proposes to transform into your ensuite bedroom, a guest room, another bathroom and a room that she proposes to transform into your studio provided that you leave her a small corner to install her piano and desk.
"What do you think?" Leah anxiously asks as you walk down to the living room.
"I love it" you answer honestly with a big smile on your face.
Leah smiles and seems to relax when she hears your answer. She puts her hands on your hips when you snuggle up against her and put your lips on her cheek and neck.
"I’m surprised you chose a semi-detached house" you admit however between two kisses.
"Oh, the neighbor looks nice, I don’t think you’ll have any trouble getting along" smiled Leah, sliding her finger under your chin to put a kiss on your lips. "Come, I’ll introduce you"
She grabs your hand and brings you out of the house to go into the house attached to yours. Both have been redone recently and you appreciate the light color of the front and the orange cobblestones on the outside, giving a small impression of southern Europe despite being in St-Albans.
Leah knocks at the door and you stand slightly behind her, still clinging to her hand. But your curiosity gives way to surprise when the door opens to an Alessia Russo and her famous smile.
"What are you doing here?" you ask, confused. "Are you dating the neighbor?"
"No" laughs Alessia while Leah next to you laughs too. "I’m the neighbor"
It takes you a few seconds to figure out what that means. You look in turn at Leah, who has meanwhile entered the house to greet Alessia’s brother whom you had not yet noticed, and Alessia who continues to smile.
"Are you moving here?"
"I think. This house is buzzing and apparently the neighbors won’t be too annoying"
You just smile while Luca confirms by mentioning all the positive things he found in the house. You quickly understand that Alessia called on him to get a second look and make sure everything was in order, but you trust Leah completely in that regard. Instead of listening, you jump into Alessia’s arms and finally realize what it means. You would have been sad not to have her next to you to be completely honest, but this is even better than what you imagined.
"You didn’t expect to get rid of me like that?" whispers Alessia, smiling as you hugged.
You roll your eyes and just tighten her against you with your arms around her neck, before Leah joins your embrace, squeezing you both against her.
"You whisper sweet words to my girlfriend besides molesting her now, Russo?"
225 notes · View notes
sssilverstoned · 3 months
Text
while you can still smell them ꩜ ln4
type: full length fic
word count: 3.9k
title from: i wish you roses by kali uchis
warnings: some fluff, angst, but like it's a happy ending. cursing bc i'm me, italics are memories
lily said: you know me i can never leave well enough alone. i thought this little snapshot of the break that was never really a break would be cute! for context, i'd suggest looking at the ig au linked below! this would be taking place in between part 2 and 3.
part 1
part 2
part 3
masterlist
You've only seen Lando cry on occasions that called for it. When family members died, when racing got too much for his mental, in some awful, awful moments. Maybe that's why it hurts so bad to see him cry now.
"A break feels a lot like you should add 'up' to that statement," he had said, turning away from you, looking out at the stars. You were sat on his balcony, feeling suffocated by the apartment. But the AC was on and working fine, and windows were open. Your emotions were suffocating you, that was more fitting.
"We can't keep on like this, Lan," you say in a broken voice, the lump in your throat thick and threatening. "It's not fair to either of us."
He doesn't realize he's crying until the drop hits his nose, making it quirk up in surprise. He swipes at his face, a pawlike move to get rid of the teardrops.
"Do you not love me anymore?"
His question makes you sob. Full body, head dropping to chest, your hands writing in your lap. The sound of you breaking down turns him back to you, rushing to the chair you've melted into. He lifts your face in his hands, and you take a breath when you see his face, discolored with tears.
"I'll always love you," he makes out of your words, just barely. "I, I just, it's not the same,"
"We can fix this, us. We can work on it together," Lando's brain is whirring at hyper speed, damage controlling the last 8 months of your lives together.
The cracks began to become schisms when he committed your largest pet peeve, which was ignoring things out of ease. Blissful ignorance, if you will.
It was small things, like forgetting about date nights in lieu of longer trainings or prolonging trips. Sometimes he forgot to water the plants, or didn't move laundry over, and that was manageable. That's what every couple encounters. What every couple does not encounter, was the intense pressure of racing a car for a living.
He was frustrated, with Zak, with anything papaya colored, and with his own self-doubts. He carried that frustration in his chest, and it came out in some of the words he spoke to you, and actions he took. You eventually stopped offering to come over and cook, because dinners were becoming continuously tense, and you were uncomfortable. Felt like a nuisance.
But at the same time, you were both so codependent. Without anything being said, you two began to avoid things you assumed the other wouldn't like, and asked for permission to do the smallest of things. You first noticed it when your sister pointed had asked you to come go with her out of town for the weekend, and you hesitated. "I'll have to ask Lando," you had told her. She bit her tongue.
Lando was just as bad, he had quite literally lost the ability to sleep when you weren't around. It made Grand Prix weekends an actual nightmare when you weren't there, calling you at any times in the day or night.
"Are you alright, it's 4am,"
"Sorry, can't sleep again. The melatonin does nothing,"
"Did you try the tea my mum got you?"
"Baby I just," he scrubs a hand down his exhausted face. "I just need you here."
"I can't just get up and go to Australia."
"I'll get you a flight, or maybe we can-"
"Lando," you say in a sterner voice. "I can't."
He's quiet for a moment, and you wonder what's going through his head. You hardly raised your voice or got intense, certainly never at him. But then again, recently, you seemed to never know what was going through his head.
It was silly to think that Lando was the same man that you began dating. You were 19, you would pray that he had changed somehow over the span of 5 years. But there was something missing that once was. The relationship was becoming more of a task, and that wasn't right. Which is what brought you to this moment, brought you to telling him you needed to talk.
"Lan," you whimper, bringing a hand up where his hold your face on either side. You don't even have to say anything more, he knows you better than you know yourself. And he begins to cry harder.
"I've never loved anyone but you, baby."
"I know."
"I can't, I really don't want to live without you," he shakes his head, standing back up to his full height. His hands stay busy, though, ripping through his hair.
"I'm not going to go away," you explain, agonized that you're calmer than he at this point. You stand from the wicker chair, but don't edge closer to him. "But my career is unpredictable right now, 6 months in Marbella is a long time. And you're, well, everywhere. And you need to focus on that."
"I've multitasked for 5 years," he says bitterly, making you sigh. His eyes are back on the stars, and his back to you makes your eyes blurry again.
"I'm not happy." You finally blurt, making his body stiffen. "I'm really not."
When he looks at you again, his expression reads clearly with fatigue, with anguish. "Please, baby, don't,"
It's your turn to clutch his face, bringing his forehead to touch with yours. Through your contact, you feel the heaves of his body, the breaths he's trying to control. "It's not forever," you whisper, mustering courage. "But we need to stop acting like everything's fine."
"I don't see myself without you."
"You're not," your hold tightens, he leans further into your palm, "but we've grown up together. The flower pot's too small now," you try to joke, he barely can fake amusement.
"I'll buy a thousand new pots."
"We need to clean up the broken one, first." His jaw clenches, you soothe it with your thumb. "Yeah?"
"Yeah." He says back, almost silently. "Still wear that Mclaren shirt on race days, I need the luck."
You finally crack a smile. "I'll wear the hat too if my hairstyle permits."
He kisses you, almost convincing himself this if is the last fix he can get for a while, he needed it now. Not that either of you know it, but you both have the same thought. You both notice that your cheeks have each other's tears on them now, not sure which ones came from whom. You were on the same page in that regard, at least.
꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜
"You should ask y/n out," your best friend says to Lando in the middle of a party. He chokes on his drink, not expecting her to come up to him like she did, and not expecting the words out her mouth.
You all were freshly 19, still congregating in someone's living room to try to have a good time. He knew your friends better than he knew you, the newest of the group in town, only having moved to the area with your family when you were 16.
"Should I, now?" He says, recovering from his fright.
"Yeah," she replies, ignoring the sarcasm. "She goes on about you, it's cute. She'd hurt me if she knew I told you, though. Not sure what she sees in you," his eyes narrow at the girl, which she ignores once again. "You'd be lucky to have a girl like her in your life."
That much, he knew. You were fiercely loyal to your friends and family, and treated him with a kindness that made him melt every time. You were funny, and genuine, and not to mention, the most beautiful person he's sure he knows.
When he bumps into you later at the party, he asks you what you're doing the following evening.
That was the story he'd tell people with a proud grin when they ask how you two got together. All you recount is how he nearly ruined your cute top with a shitty guinness.
He's struck with the memory when he sees the guinness logo in the ads on the walls of a restaurant. "Mate," Max all but snaps his fingers. Lando locks back in, humming for what he missed.
"Was just curious if you wanted to go out tonight. They've been texting in the chat about it, I saw you never responded."
Clubbing wasn't as fun as it used to be, not when you weren't dancing your heart out beside him, or waiting in bed with your nose in a book when he came home because you weren't feeling like going out. It felt like a waste of his time, and like he was sucking the fun out of other people's nights.
"'M alright," he says with a tight mouthed grin. "Gonna sit this one out."
Max looks at his friend, seeing through his response. "When's the last time you went out?"
If he had to take an educated guess, you last graced his apartment that night on the balcony, 4 weeks ago. So, 4 weeks ago. Perhaps longer, judging by the schisms. "A while. Not up to it."
"You're torturing yourself."
"I'm not interested in getting shitfaced, Max."
Max looks away for a second, quickly weighing the pros and cons of asking what he's been wanting to for the last, well, 4 weeks. "Do you think Y/n is wallowing too?"
The sound of your name makes his fingers twitch inadvertently, almost like a flinch. "That's not fair."
"I'm serious, Lando. You said she needed a break because she felt like you two were co-dependent and not actually working through problems, and look at you. You're not functioning without her. I mean, it's your fucking birthday next week, and you haven't brought it up once, you realize that, right?"
He knows he's right. Nothing he said was out of line, or wrong, and that's why Lando has nothing to say back. He wants to argue, to prove him wrong, but he can't. He's seen your ads and campaigns, the beautiful shots of you promoting luxury brands and names that your fans only dreamed of owning. Despite the distance, he was so proud of you still. You worked hard, were disciplined and humble through your success. He had texted you when the Dior campaign had launched, and the message of your thanks, with a smiley face, made him, for just a second, think that things were back to normal.
When they left the restaurant, and ran directly into fans, Lando tried to put on his best face for them, smiling for selfies and signing what was gestured toward him. When a sweet looking girl with glasses shyly spoke up, telling her favorite driver where she was visiting from, his tired eyes light up. "You're from there?" He confirms, and she smiles with an eager nod.
"Y/n is too," he almost mumbles, but every fan in earshot heard it. The typical squeals followed, the hushed whispers amonst themselves on if they'd push the questions they were itching to ask or not. And heard it they did, as the encounter made its way onto social media and gossip pages. But Max was right, his mourning period needed to be over, if anything was going to change for the better.
You call him on his birthday. It was nerve wracking, which made you bitterly laugh, because never did you think you'd be nervous to talk to Lando Norris of all people. One of the few people in the world you wholeheartedly trusted.
It had only been about a month since you requested time apart, and he had honored that. The texts were sparse, the calls nonexistent. Although, that was sort of what had brought you to this point anyway. But you were working on yourself, and your career at the same time, and things were looking better. Change never happened overnight, but the journal your therapist recommended, and the disappearance from social media besides professional posts were great starts.
You bite at your cuticle as the phone rings. You take your cell away from your ear, chest panging at the contact name "Lan <3" at the top of the screen. Was he really going to screen your call? Is that what you deserved, possibly?
"Y/n," he finally answers, and you quickly bring your phone back to your ear.
"Hi," you say awkwardly. "Happy birthday, Lando."
"Thank you," he says stiffly. "I'm happy to hear from you."
"Yeah I um, haven't really been on my phone here," you bite harder on your finger. "I think it's nice here, you'd love Marbella."
"I'm sure I would," he says with what you can hear is a smile. "I miss you, you know?"
"I miss you too," you concede, "how have you been?"
"Not great, I won't lie. Much rather would hear about you."
"'s not my birthday," and he smiles a bit at that.
"Well, racing's fine. But Max is sick of my shit, says I've been wallowing."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"Yeah."
You don't really know what to say, you've rarely been the perpetrator of his negative feelings. No relationship was perfect, but you all hadn't really hit a communication wall until now. It was uncharted, scary territory. "Well, I wanted to wish you a happy birthday, that was all. Have a good day, really. 24 is a big one. Kobe year, that's what someone said to me. I hope this year is great for you."
"Y/n, wait," he halts your beginnings to hang up. "I'd like to come to see you soon, I've got some time before Abu Dhabi and maybe I could swing by Spain on the way."
"Lando," he absolutely hates that you're calling him by his whole name. Lan, that's what would you called him almost exclusively. Lando feels so formal from you.
He needs to hear it, you know he does. He needs to hear that you want to see him, that you need to see him just as much as he yearns to put eyes on you once more. But you were constantly afraid of accidental manipulation, holding him by some invisbile garotte. But this was his first birthday you hadn't celebrated together since you were 19, that meant something.
"Please focus on racing," you implore, and squeeze your eyes shut before adding, "but you if you'd like to come and it won't be an issue in your plans, you're more than welcome."
꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜꩜
You saw the posts, it wasn't very hard. Fans utterly disappointed that you and Lando hadn't been seen together in ages, putting pieces together quickly after you didn't post for his birthday. It didn't make you feel worse, to be truthful, and to your surprise. You were sure there'd be a barrage of insults hurled your way, maybe a cheating rumor or two. But really, all there was to see were requiems for your relationship, nostalgia for what once was. What did cause you to delete instagram from your phone, was the response to the podcast.
You were single for the time being, that's what you and Lando had agreed on when he visited you. It wasn't an invitation to go out and find the next man to lay in your bed, but you both had agreed that it wasn't healthy to hold out in anticipation of your rekindling.
"You're the only girl I've, you know," he awkwardly trailed off, scratching the back of his neck. He sits up in bed, linens pooling around his hips. Hooking up with your now ex-boyfriend, might've not been your brightest idea, sure, but you were both human, at the end of the day.
"Fucked?" you tease, remaining comfortable against your plush pillow. "I know. First few times kinda showed that."
He looks back at you pointedly. "You cried the first time."
"It hurt!"
He rolls his eyes, shaking his head in fake annoyance. You grin. "I'm sure the girlies are gonna have a field day with you being single now,"
He rolls his eyes again, laying, or rathing slumping, back into the pillow next to you. His arm instinctively comes around the top of your head, you try not to lean into it. "I think I really will finally listen to you and focus on racing."
You turn on your side, admiring his profile as he stares up at the ceiling, probably tangled in his thoughts. His nose sloped perfectly, the little freckles dotting his skin like constellations. Your boy.
"I told my mum."
He snorts. "She hates me now, I'm sure."
"Mm, no, her first ask was what I did," your mom was Lando's biggest fan, through and through. Of course, you were her daughter, but she was convinced he was cosmically made perfectly for you.
He looks at you then, realizing your eyes have been on him the whole time. He copies your position, turning to you so your bodies lay parallel, nowhere to look but each other's eyes.
"Do you regret that I'm the only boyfriend you've ever had?"
You immediately shake your head in denial of the question. "No, not at all," you were lucky, if anything. "You?"
"Well, I've had other girlfriends,"
"Ouch?"
"You knew that," he chuckles, and yeah, you did. "But I don't regret that you're the only one I've been serious about. I still am."
"I know. I am too."
"An ex-boyfriend doesn't lay in bed with you, you know."
"And an ex-girlfriend doesn't still remind your team when your doctor's appointments are,"
"Fair enough, guess we're just weird."
You share a matching grin. "So weird."
So once Alex uploaded the Call Her Daddy episode you were a guest on, and it was official to the masses that you had been single for now almost 4 months, the articles came in. The timelines of you and Lando's relationship, the rumors of him leaving clubs with random girls. You'd be lying if you said you didn't zoom in on some of their faces, relaxing when you recongized most of them as friends or even family members. He wasn't yours to be worried about, you suppose, but you also knew that any girl he decided to share his time with would be a lucky one.
Your friends had tried to get you on dates, that wasn't a lie when you said that on the podcast. But you weren't ever excited to get to know someone new, small talk was painful and you didn't feel comfortable going home with them.
But then, a few weeks later into February, you get a phone call from Lando. "Hi," You answer, pleasently surprised.
"Hey there," he says, sounding slightly out of breath. "How are you?"
"I'm good, great even. Finished up everything down here, leaving Marbella next week to head back home." Home was London to you, not Monaco. You constantly visited, had a family flat there and everything, but couldn't leave officially becuause of your career.
"Congratulations, everything looked stunning," he compliments, and your stomach flutters.
"But um, how are you? I'd ask if you were relaxing, but I'm sure training's well underway."
"Meh, more or less. I'm heading to Surrey next week, actually. Got some stuff to do at HQ."
"Oh," Surrey was only about an hour and a half from where you were in London. "Would you, well, not assuming anything, but if you'd have time to spare, it would be great to catch up?"
This isn't why Lando called you, you fully know this. Who knows what he picked up the phone for, he could be calling to let you know he's eloped with someone he's met in the 6 months you've been apart.
"I'd love to," you hear his grin in his voice. "You haven't moved, have you?"
Not only had you not moved, but you haven't changed much about your flat either. Same bedding, same color schemes, same photos decorating your tables and walls of your friends, family, and Lando. He never took the photos of you down either, and that photo from your 21st birthday was still stuffed in his wallet.
You order takeout, sitting across the kitchen island from each other acting like it didn't feel like your first date again. He acts like he doesn't want to reach out for your hands as you animatedly use them to share stories of Spain, and you act like you don't want to push the curls back that threathen to land over his eyebrows.
The food gets cold as you two catch up, a few glasses of wine becoming a whole bottle gone. You actually can't remember the last time the two of you had done this, and perhaps, absence had truly made your hearts grow fonder.
"Bahrain is on leap day," Lando says, making you gasp.
"That's got to be good luck, no?"
"It's just the first practice,"
"But still, you're starting your first weekend of the year on a special day like that," you muse, "so exciting. I'm excited for you,"
His chest warms at endearment in your voice. You truly and honestly rooted for him through everything, that was one of the things he was most grateful for about you. He knows you don't truly care about all of this, if he won or lost, but that you care about him and his development, how he sees himself and his profession. He fell in love with that about you.
"Would you come?"
You hesitate, daring to look at him from where you had begun to clean the countertop. "To the race? "
He nods, and turn back to the counter. "I don't know, Lan. Is that where we are?"
He hopes so. He's missed you something horrible, prays you missed him just as bad.
Lando takes the cloth from your hand, replacing it with his own. "I know it's only been about 6 months, and that's not enough time to say everything's well and dandy," you fight a smile. "But I want to work through things, with you. I've had nothing but time to consider what was off with us, and I want to be better. For you, more than anything. Yeah, I learned how to be just Lando. But I know I prefer being Lando and Y/n."
You bite your lip, finally meeting his eyes. "I want to take it slow."
"We can do that,"
"So, I don't know if I'm ready for the race. But, my birthday's coming up,"
"It is,"
"And we'll be in Dubai. My sister did it up, got this crazy plan going since it'll be my 25th."
"Quite the old woman you're becoming,"
"Oh get off that," you scoff, pushing his chest. He chuckles and pulls you back into him, where you go willingly. "But, if you can, I'd love for you to come to the dinner."
He raises an eyebrow with a smirk. "You want me to fly to Dubai just for your birthday dinner?"
"You'll be in Saudi Arabia then anyway,"
The smirk gets bigger. "You know my schedule already, love?"
"You're so fucking cheeky, can't stand it," you feign annoyance, but never move from his arms.
He holds you, as your arms delicately find themselves behind his neck, not daring to kiss just yet. To really be honest, you're not sure if you're ready to take that whole plunge.
"I'm happy to be back, even if things are slow. They can be molasses for all I care."
"Thank you for being patient with me," you lean your forehead against his. However, this time, neither of you are crying. Nice, for a change.
"I'd wait decades for you, my love."
After a beat of sweet silence. You speak up once more. "One thing though," he hums to prompt your continuance. "I'm pretty sure, when it's said, it's Y/n and Lando, just so you know."
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