#actuallyill

[troubledpastels]

Long ish update for the last 6 months

It's now 5-6 months since I started on clozapine and I'm not kidding when I say it saved my life. I'm able to socialise and get out from my flat and do more normal stuff. My psychosis is gone, I stil have some symptoms but not in the slightest as it used to be. I have a relationship with my dad, which my psychosis absolutely ruined by making me belive he was a spy sent from the cops. We are able to laugh about it now but it still hurts a bit. I mourned my dad who I thought was dead for over a year. Its bittersweet that I now know what's real but it hurts when I think about how much time I have wasted being scared and angry and just lost in my own world. I also got my permanent disability, so I don't have to stress over money. I'm also trying a new type of therapy that works really well on psychosis/schizophrenia patients, I'm a bit nervous but it'll hopefully work well.

If you told me 8 months ago how I've been doing since my med change I would not have believed it. It hurts to think about how scared and lost/disconnected I was from the real world. Schizophrenia almost made me end my life. I'm so extremely thankful for the people around me in my team who believed in me and sat with me while I ranted about my delusions and more.

I'm not saying everything magically changed just because of the clozapine, I worked a lot and still do to fight my symptoms. But the medication made it so much easier.

I still get to live in my home with 24/7 staff and both them and my therapy team agrees that I can stay as long as I need, which is a relief.

I know it's not rainbow and roses and I'll probably struggle with this illness for years to come, but right now I'm able to deal with it and enjoy life again

#mental health #actuallyill #actually psychotic #actually schizophrenic #actually mentally ill #actually hallucinating #schizo spectrum #psychosis #pseriouslyparanoid #pseriouslypsychosis #actually schizospec #schizophrenic spectrum #pseriouslymentallyill #pseriouslyschizospectrum #clozapine #troubledpastels

[dracula-gay-son]

I'm sorry.

#my edit #oddcore #traumacore #actuallytraumatized #ventcore #vent edit #liminal space #actuallyill #actuallyabused

[sleep-safe]

my favorite hobby is being in all encompassing and debilitating pain

#chronic pain #negative / #fibro fam #fibro #fibrolife #fibromyalgia #fibroids #chronically ill #chronic community #chronic illness #actuallyill #smhh #after chiro moods yk #also like #being alive #chronicallyill #cripple punk #cpunk #mine #this is nasty #painsomnia #://(/(/ #college #ugh #i have a 7am tomorrow too #disabled #disabled in college #disability

[thankyouforstaying]

me: chronically ill

someone: have you tried-

me: still chronically ill

#chronic pain #chronically ill #chronic fatigue #chronically sick #actuallyill #actually disabled #disabled #disability #inflammatory arthritis

[coldtongue]

it’s not even that i don’t like my body, it’s that i don’t recognize it, i always see a stranger in the mirror and it’s never the same one twice

#coldtaste #actuallytraumatized #actuallyill #actuallymentallyill #depression #depressive #body dysmorphia #body dysmorphic disorder #ed tw #ed #not pro just using tags #anorexya #anorexa #text

[fuckyeahvalidation]

Birthday Wishlist~

My birthday is on December 7th and I’ve got to pay bills this week so if anyone wants to get me anything I’d appreciate it and give a shoutout~

http://a.co/0pCFFph

#echo's echo #actuallyautistic #actuallyborderline #actually bpd #actuallymentallyill #ibs #irritable bowel syndrome #autistic #stimming #spoonie #actuallyill

[zephyrineisdead-blog]

i don't even feel like myself. who am i ? am i a person ? am i alive ? am i real ? why do i feel like somebody else ? my body isn't mine. my mind isn't mine. my thoughts aren't mine. my words aren't mine. all the things i do... that's not me. that's somebody else. someone who i am not. but still. i let him. i let him get inside of me and do whatever he wants. the voices. he, standing there in the corner with the haunting smile on his face and his big souless eyes looking at me. laughing. telling me i'm worthless. nobody likes me. nobody believes me. every single person in my life is gonna leave me one day. the lie to me. they don't like you. you'rr just a stupid little child. a piece of shit. you don't deserve to live. you need to die. kill yourself. do it. do it. DO IT NOW.

#anxiety #voices #head #mind #depression #mentalhealth #actuallyill #illness #sickness #sick #thoughts #tumblr #post #words #idk #person #human #monsters #in #my

[enby-witchbitch]

It’s OK if you’re not happy this Christmas

You’re allowed to have bad mental health days.

You’re allowed to feel terrible.

You’re allowed to be miserable.

You’re allowed to be anxious.

No one should ever give you crap for it.

No one should ever make you feel guilty for it.

No one should ever bully or force you to do something you don’t want to do.

No one should ever dismiss your mental health. No matter the season.

Breathe.

You’re allowed to feel.

#christmas #xmas #holidays #mental health #mh #support #mental disorder #mentally ill #BPD #autism #aspie #autistic #actually autistic #actualybpd #actualyborderline #depression #actuallydisabled #actuallydepressed #actuallyill #ED #eating disorder #eating disorder recovery #anorexia #anorexia recovery #ed recovery #christmas mental health #ill at christmas #chronically ill #chronic illness #insomnia

[uncolored-colors]

Cualquier cosa que digas o hagas mi mente puede convertirlo en la mejor arma de tortura... y nunca duda en usarla conmigo.

@uncolored-colors

#para mi madre #mama #madre #mother #mom #depressed #depresión #depresivo #self harm #actuallyill #enfermedad mental #mente #pensamientos #pensamientos autodestructivos #cortarse

[troubledpastels]

One thing that really freaks me out is how other people can notice I'm struggling without them knowing because they've seen inside my head, like I dont understand it.

#mental health #actuallyill #actually psychotic #psychosis #actually hallucinating #schizo spectrum #acutally hallucinating #pseriouslyparanoid #pseriouslypsychosis #i hate psychosis #pseriouslyschizophrenic #actually mentally ill #schizophrenic spectrum #schizo #schizophrenia #actually schizophrenic #actually psychosis #troubledpastels

[skyloftianprincex]

Me: *extends my cane into a stripper pole*

#spoonie #chronic illness #cuties with canes #cripple punk #cpunk #actuallydisabled #actuallyill #chronic pain #chronicillnessmemes

[sleep-safe]

disabled people, where do you fall on the opinion in saying "there's nothing wrong with me!" or "i don't need to be fixed!" (to quote x-men)?

#disability #disablity #disabled #spoonie #potsie #eds #ibs #adhd #chronic pain #asd #babe with a mobility aid #wheelchair unbound #wheelchair #autism #amputee #disability community #actuallyill #actuallydisabled #actuallyadhd #hEDS #ms #cripple punk #cpunk #dysautonomia #scoliosis #hyperhydrosis #dysplasia #cerebral palsy #ocd #dyslexia

[fuwaprince]

If you're struggling to believe all the positivity posts are true and that there is hope out there, please keep fighting anyways. Fake it. Pretend like you believe that things will get better and tell yourself your life matters even if it all feels like one big lie. The whole fake-it-till-you-make-it mindset might be all you have left realistically and that's okay. You're allowed to pretend if it makes you feel better

#recovery #self care #depression #mental illness #actuallyill #motivational #inspirational #positivity #positive #fuwaprince #personal #mine #my stuff

[gcppy]

how is he holding gyro like that

#actuallyill read the tusk arc first. #blood

[coldtongue]

I know I’m with you right now but I miss you

#coldtaste #actuallyill #actuallymentallyill #depression #depressive #depressed #alone #disasociation #longing #them #text

[chronicallycecil]

@ everyone (able-bodied and disabled people alike), please stop infantilising me because I have multiple disabilities; I’m disabled, not a toddler.

I don’t need you to push my wheelchair for me, unless I ask. I don’t need you telling me where I can get my meds for cheaper, unless I ask. I don’t need you giving me tips on what to do about my disabilities, unless I ask.

Yes, I know my brain is foggy a lot of the time. Yes, I know I complain about meds being expensive every day. Yes, I know my body is always weak. That doesn’t mean I’m incapable of functioning at all.

I wear a mask over my face, carry an inhaler and four different kinds of tablets, check my heart rate just about every time I sit down, and use mobility aid, but I’m okay, I promise; I know my body better than anyone, and I’ll ask you if I need help. If you think I’m not doing too hot, mention it and ask if I need any help.

I keep having a handful of friends treating me as if I can’t do anything for myself and it’s really upsetting; I’ve spent a lot of my life having people just going ahead and saying or doing things without prompting as an abuse tactic, and people don’t understand how out of control it makes me feel when well-meaning people do the same sort of thing, albeit with good intentions. Whether you’re able-bodied or disabled, you should always ask your disabled friends, at the very least, what they’d like, help-wise, especially when it comes to aiding with mobility; if they say no, just accept it, rather than go “aww” because you’ve been told you’re not going to push their wheelchair or that they can carry their own things. We know you mean well, but we can still do things. Just let us.

It’s nice to know you care, but can we have our independence please?

#actuallydisabled #actuallyill #actuallychronicallyill #wheelchair user #disability #disabled #ableism cw #abuse mention