Tumgir
#also fun fact i made the exact reading drawing twice
lord-ozymandias · 3 days ago
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more elliot’s
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bonny-kookoo · a year ago
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Rabbit Boy | JJK x Reader | 🔞
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Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader
Wordcount: 10.3k (Long)
Genre: Romance, Friends/strangers to lovers, Smut, BDSM because I'm making that a genre now
Tags/Warnings: BDSM themes (please I'm begging you stop reading my shit if it makes you uncumfortable), mentions of restrainment, light shibari, edging, orgasm denial (very mild), Subspace, Domspace because yes thats a thing, Dom/sub dynamics, Biting, Oral (m and f receiving), riding, and not the horseback kind if you know what I mean, protected sex yes, we love an organized household, there's just so much sweet filth istg
Summary: Jungkook is wild, untamed, and doesn't really commit to anyone for long. But maybe, you're his only exception in this world. Maybe, you're really that perfect partner he's been looking for.
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Jungkook likes to think of himself as an artist.
Sure, if people knew exactly what the young man does in his freetime (or as a side job, don't judge, we all want to make money out of our hobbies stop lying to yourself), they would surely look at him differently.
But he's an artist, nonetheless.
Technically, Jungkook also doesn't need to do what he does simply for the money. No, his main job pays very well- considering that he's one of the top elite in his genre of games. He doesn't just merely play and win a game; Jungkook, just like most things he touches, claims complete ownership of the match he's fighting. It's a well known fact that he's someone who likes things for himself. He loves control, craves to lead, and hates to be belittled.
Oh and yeah- financially, investing in an indie-game three years back had also done his bank account some good.
Now, at an age where he can be fully considered a man, and not a boy anymore, he craves control in different aspects of life- and love.
Jungkook has a problem however.
He's wild.
Not in the way one might think he is (although several people could argue that yes, that's also the case in bed..) but generally. He loves to control- but he hates to be tied down.
And a mindset like that doesn't work well with relationships.
He's had them before, don't get him wrong. He's had numerous in the past, but they all either broke apart because he would hold that particular desire back, making him antsy and moody, or he would welcome his partners into his world, and become uncomfortable with the way things would progress.
No, he doesn't want to experiment. He knows exactly what he wants, and if that means he's 'close-minded' and a bad person, then so be it for him.
He never liked the constant company in his apartment anyways.
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"Ah, I've seen her before. She's usually a regular for Yoongi though." Taehyung says, checking a name for Jungkook, who's doodling on a napkin while he waits for his new appointment to show up. "I see. I forgot that Yoongi took some days off recently- that's probably why she's now under your hand." He explains, and Jungkook huffs, his blonde hair tickling his cheek.
"So I'll have to adjust? I mean, Yoongi's style is pretty different from mine." The young man says, not looking up. He simply continues his little sketch of braided hair, while the lanky guy behind the counter clicks away on his laptop.
"Probably? I can't check the logs since they're private, but from what I know Yoongi only did the usual with her." he explains, shrugging as he looks at his friend and colleague. "I can re-schedule her to Hoseok if you want?" He asks, and Jungkook, after finishing his drawing, lets the pen fall and stretches.
"Yeah, that would probably be best. Wouldn't know what to do if she drops- rather not have him rip my head off, thanks." He says, before he gets up.
"Ah- you're still coming over tonight right? Y/N said she's gonna cook for us." He says, and Jungkooks body shivers a little.
Your name is nothing new to him, but the reaction to it most certainly was. You're a friend of Yoongi and Hoseok, having joined in on their gaming nights a few months ago after Yoongi had insisted you couldn't stay alone on a christmas day. Jungkook had never really asked why you were alone in the first place, but he had never really cared much for it either. Sure, you were an absolute gem to look at; technically absolutely his type, but he had early on decided not to pursue anything at all with you. He knew friendship wouldn't stay friendship with you, his own hunger way too large to simply be satiated by platonic gestures-
and he was also sure you wouldn't be able to handle him, truly. The conversation with Jimin, one of your best friends, had changed nothing about that. Because he didn't know you well enough to quite know if you were only bark and no bite- or if you were genuinely craving the same things he did.
But most recently, there had been a change in his opinion on you. Because he had seen you, come out of this place, out of Yoongis studio.
You knew about all of this- and you were still around.
Nothing had changed.
Now, of course he had instantly poked holes into the poor guy about if he had ever played with you before- and the answer he had gotten, had made him even more interested and antsy to get closer to you.
Because while you trusted Yoongi with everything you had, he had never done anything with you. You had simply been interested in watching a scene unfold- and had told him that you were definitely interested in participating. The reason Jungkook couldn't ask you directly was a clear one-
You were majorly intimidated by him, to the point of, he had never really had a proper conversation with you. Partially, he had to admit, because he himself didn't want to involve himself too much with you.
He’d always asked himself; wouldn’t you be even more distant and reserved with him if you knew this side of him? Sure, you always joked around that he probably tied his girls up and edged them until they cried- but did you know that he genuinely enjoyed these things?
Relationships for him were mere covers to call the arrangements he had with the girls that came and went in his life in a constant changing matter. Deep down, no one night stand could satisfy his most carnal desires, and he was very well aware of that. But he rather took what he could get and lived a fever dream for a few moments than stay on his own simply because his idea of pleasure and sex was not the norm.
No, he refused to deny himself that.
Maybe it was because he’d always lived a rather lavish life- with his parents well off and his own career skyrocketing he never really had any worries like you have had in the past. For some odd reason, while looking at the soft red rope in his hands, his thoughts suddenly went astray; he knew he could give you the stability you oh so craved, in every way shape and form. You were a diamond simply waiting to be perfected- you had so much potential, knowing that you were secretly wandering around the same paths as he did made him even more frustrated.
The hints were there, they were obvious; from the way you had sighed out in bliss when he’d teasingly pulled your hair just hours ago, to the sinful confessions he’d heard that night when he overheard you and jimin by accident. Of course he’d maybe wasted a thought or two of you underneath him to humor him once or twice- but now with the rope in his hands, his mind immediately began painting pictures of it against your skin. Would you enjoy it? And what if he took your sight, or only bound your hands? What if he denied you to cum, or if he took you from behind, grabbing your hair and pushing down your spine to make it arch so prettily- never with the intend to hurt, of course. He knew he’d have to tame you first, make you submit, but then again, he loved the challenge.
You made even the idea of touching fun.
He wouldn't even have to undress you to fully get himself worked up, he was sure of that. Only seeing you bow to his very command would be enough to satisfy him. Of course, over the course of time he would lead you deeper and deeper into his rabbit hole, but he would take it slow for you.
So, with a smile, and a wave of his hand, he walked past the girl he knew had been his appointment- grinning at Taehyung. "Of course I'll be there."
He wouldn't dare miss a night with you.
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You were stressing. A little.
Maybe.
Maybe a lot.
Everything would've been fine if they guys would've all come over. But due to the bad weather, and Taehyungs bad habit of never properly fixing his god-forsaken dumpster of a car, only one of them would be able to make it. And of course the one had to be Jeon Jungkook.
Just great.
Now, it wasn't like you didn't like the guy, no way. The problem was more, that he was on the exact opposite of that spectrum. You had a major crush on him, which felt like the plot to a really bad drama show you would watch drunk at night- and in a way, it really felt like one too. Because you were pretty sure, he didn't even know your name.
But oh well- apparently he knew more than that. More specifically, your phone number. And it had scared the shit out of you at first to receive a message from him because how the hell did he get your number, but then again you remembered that one of your connections was Kim Taehyung- and everyone knew what he knew.
It was the doorbell that ripped you out of your skin almost.
You didn't even change, deciding any effort would be too late anyways; and you were still heavily confused in the first place why the fuck he would come over alone, even though you two had never exchanged much more than a friendly hello and goodbye. But there he was, as you opened the door- soft, white hoodie and ripped jeans, a bit damp from the rain outside as you let him inside.
He didn't move.
"Uh-" You started, but he just looked at you, friendly as ever, although a teasing glint in his eye made you frown a bit.
He thought it was cute.
"You didn't tell me to come in." He said, and you blinked once, twice, before your brain had properly restarted.
"Oh uh- come in?" You said, again, moving a bit to the side so he could walk in- which he still didn't. "Jungkook come on now its fucking cold-!" You whined, and he laughed, finally stepping inside. Had he always been like that? Could very well be the case, after all, you had never truly paid much attention to his behavior before.
"Thanks for letting me come over." He said, and you watched him as he untied his boots. "I had nothing else to do- and also, I didn't want you to waste any food, considering Tae said you cooked for us." He explained, before he got up again from his half kneeling position, boots now standing next to your significantly smaller shoes.
"Ah, it would've been fine, you guys don't have to feel bad." You waved off, smiling. "I was about to stop cooking anyways when Jimin had texted me, but well, then you did and uhm.." You drifted off, noticing how you were suddenly waiting for him to lead the way.
In your own apartment.
What the hell?
If he noticed however, he didn't show it. He simply smiled, and moved his hands inside the front pocket of his hoodie. "Ah, thanks. I appreciate it, really." He said, and you smiled at him as well, walking towards the main area of your apartment. It was small, very small compared to his own, but he enjoyed the feeling of it. Everything around him reminded him of you, in a way; from the pictures taped to the walls, to the stickers on your fridge. It all held a piece of you in it. "Your apartment is really nice, by the way." He commented, and you turned around, before getting plates and cutlery to bring inside the living room.
"Ah, right, it's your first time here." You said. "Thanks- the living room is right around the corner there, you can just sit down and I'll bring everything there." You explained, and he smiled, nodding without arguing.
You liked that.
Typically, there would've been this awkward 'oh no let me help you', but Jungkook didn't seem to dwell on it much, letting you do your thing instead of butting in and making things weird. He simply walked where you had directed him, sitting down on the couch as he went to place a blanket to the side. His fingers moved over the fabric for a moment, noticing how everything on the couch, including the pillows, were made of that same, soft material.
Interesting.
"Oh- you can just put that to the side, sorry I forgot to clean that up." You said, putting the food onto the table as he just smiles again. He waits for you to sit down as well before you turn up the TV volume a little, nerves finally setting in as you notice there's almost nothing you can talk to him about. "This is awkward." You comment, and he chuckles at that swallowing his bite as he looks at you.
"Doesn't have to be." He states, before he turns his body a bit more into your direction; a visible sign that he wants a conversation. "Tae has never mentioned what you do for a living." He states, an unasked question of his. He lets you decide if you want to take it as one or leave it as a statement- it makes you feel nice, in a way.
"Ah uh.. it's really boring, so I guess I never really talk about it either.." You say, and he tilts his head a little, a silent urging for you to continue. You feel insignificant next o him and his job however. He's superior to you in any way, and you don't want him to feel pity or laugh at you for your job. "I uh.. I'm a programmer for a.. pretty unknown game studio." You say, body almost shrinking in on itself as you wait for his reaction. Much to your surprise however, he makes a sound that's purely surprise, as he swallows his bite with a bit of urgency.
"Fuck really?! That's so cool though!" He argues, brows furrowed a bit as he playfully accuses you with his next words. "Indie or not, a programmer is the main force of any game. Did you work on any games I might know of?" He asks, eyes sparkling as he realizes he had finally found something to bond with you over.
"Uh.. 'Rabbit Boy' was our best hit until now.." You say, still a bit shy, but you're also a tad more confident now. His reaction is either well-staged, or he's genuinely interested in what you do.
"I played it I think. It was a bit short, but I loved the mechanics." He says, and before he can quite stop himself, his hand has already reached out to you, running over your hair as he praises you like second nature. "Wuah, so smart!" He says, before he gets a reaction he wouldn't have thought he'd get from shy-you.
Because you playfully shove him, your socked feet pushed against the side of his thigh as you giggle at him.
Interesting, again.
Now, Jimin has actually told him about this before. How you were anything but the shy girl when you were around people you knew and trusted. He had believed it- to an extend- because he had also thought that maybe you were like that to prove your spot between those guys. As the only girl, you easily got thrown under the bus, so you had to somehow own your spot in the midst of your circle of friends.
However, it seemed like you were truly just a brat, hiding behind that innocent facade of yours. A barking dog, with every intent to bite if needed.
And Jungkook knew, he'd love to tame you, show you your spot, and make you his prey.
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The trashy movie your watching bores you, in a way. Jungkook has noticed this already, having taken note of your feet wiggling around, your teeth nibbling on the inside of your cheek, as you rest your cheek on your hand, elbow resting on the side of the couch.
“I don’t know why she’s so hesitant.” You mutter, pouting as you slump into the couch- uncaring that the side of your body now leans against his own. He feels your warmth- and for some reason it brings him comfort to notice that you’re seemingly growing more at ease. “I mean, it’s what she’s into, right?” You say, brows furrowed as you watch the screen.
“It’s not that simple.” Jungkook explains, trying to not make it obvious that he’s not necessarily talking about the movie. “Some men like to you know.. fight for a partner. Impress them. Win them over.” He explains, and he can feel you shift a little- until your head raises a bit, watching him as he watches you; gazes locked, and you can’t look away. You’re shy, you’re growing restless, but his eyes are like magnets; there’s no way you can avert your gaze.
“And.. you?” You ask, voice not loud at all, as if you don’t even notice you’re saying it. He loves that- loves the fact that you’re slowly letting him closer- not only physically.
“I like to earn my spot in their lives.” He states, and your mind suddenly begins to spin. You’ve always seen him as someone who doesn’t care much about emotions or feelings, or relationships for that matter. And maybe he doesn’t- maybe he just says this because he knows your weak spots. But the way his words fall into your ears makes you believe him. “I like to see my partner thrive; I love to see them grow. And..” he says, boldly deciding to slowly reach out his hand that was placed on the back of the couch- his fingers running through your hair, only brushing through, never pulling (no matter how much you’re craving it secretly). “I love to see them let go.” He humms out, and there’s a sudden shiver down your back, one that he definitely notices.
This is it. This is where you’ll let him touch you, let him wreck you, let him ruin you. You lean in closer, and so does he, but just when your lips are about to touch, he smiles gently- a warm affectionate gesture that you’ve never seen from him. And with it being directed at you, it’s even more meaningful- but it’s all about his next move, the way his inked fingers trace your cheek, before he speaks.
“You’re not ready yet.”
And with that, he turns back to the TV.
You huff, and it's the first time you know exactly what you're doing. You knew from Yoongi what Jungkook did in his freetime- you knew that this stuff was his expertise. Defeated, you looked down towards your knees, as your thoughts start to grow more and more frustrated. He probably didn't even see you like that, having only visited you out of pity, and not because he wanted to see you.
You were probably already friendzoned, and he was too nice to outright say it into your face. It made your emotions turn sour as the situation grew more and more awkward for you.
"What're you thinking about?" He asks, and you don't answer. What was there to say anyways? You really didn't want to have this weird conversation where he would tell you that oh yeah you're a nice girl, but he's not the right guy, the usual stuff you've already heard time and time again. "Y/N." He says, his voice dropping a little, but you only chew on the inside of your cheek again, eyes moving towards the TV screen. You didn't want to talk- you just hoped he would now sigh and get up, leaving so you could forget about all of this. You could maybe fake being sick for the next week or so to avoid him, yeah, that would be enough time to gloss over this entire situation. But he only clicks his tongue, hands suddenly moving your legs as he moves your body to face him.
Looking at his face is your first mistake.
His eyes are dark and almost angry, irritated as he looks as you. His jaw is clenched, and his hands stay on your knees for a moment, before he's sure enough that he has your attention. Only then does he speak, his voice nowhere near as soft and light as it had been before. "I know what you're thinking, and I don't like it." He says, and that's when you make your second mistake.
"Can we not right now? You don't know shit." You say, and he stares you down for a moment, until his head tilts a slight bit, eyes growing predatory as the corners of his lips tilt upwards. It resembles a small smile, yes, but it's not meant to be one. No, the first thing you have to think about is a wolf snarling at you, ready to put his packmate into their place for acting out.
It makes your spine tingle.
"Hm, maybe, but we can be classy about it, no?" He asks, and you scoff, trying to move your legs away from him, as he scans you.
At this point, he can see clearly that you're testing him.
So he gets up promptly, moving you around so you're standing in front of him. His inked hand finds your hair, gripping without mercy as he pulls your head back, your gaze now forced to stay on his as he calmly speaks. "You think I'm not into you like that- and you're as wrong as you could ever get." He says, biting his tongue as to not let a petname slip. He'd love to use them, but he knows that it's not yet time. That would be foul play, in a way; he doesn't want to seduce you.
He wants to make you understand.
"Trust me when I say I'd love to just throw you over my legs to spank that attitude out of you right now." He explains, and you whine- not in pain, but simply as a reaction to his confession. "But you don't know what you're getting yourself into." He continues, and pulls a bit to interrupt your next words. You know that you can get free any second you want to- but for some reason, there's no urge to do so. "You think of this as some game to play, you think of yourself as someone who can take all of it at once, but you don't even get the simplest and most important things about this entire thing." You swallow, as you stay still, finally giving up your fight as he relaxes the grip he still has on you. "Even now, it's not me controlling this situation. Its you." He says, letting go of you as his hands rest on your cheeks, eyes searching for any clues of discomfort. Only when he finds none, does he continue. "I will only ever have as much control over you as you're willing to give to me." He smiles again, this time, warm and comforting. "If you're really willing to do this, we will do this right. You'll have to trust me first, and I'll have to get to know you fully first, before anything else happens. Understood?" He asks.
And you nod.
"Do you know what you just agreed to?" He chuckles, and, shyly, you shake your head.
"See?" He grins, breaking skincontact with you. "You're not ready yet."
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His brows furrow when he sees you sitting on the counter, Taehyung talking to you. "What're you doing here?" He asks, and you pout, as Taehyung moves away, not wanting to get involved into anything this time. "Stop that face. We talked about this last week, why're you here now?" He asks, and you tilt your head innocently.
"Maybe I'm here for Yoongi?" You say, and his eyes grow darker for a second, before he composes himself.
"Good try, but he's still off work." He states, and you deflate a bit.
"I just.. wanted to see, I guess." You say, and he smiles a bit impishly.
"Oh? I mean, I have a scene in twenty minutes.." He asks, and internally, you cringe. No, you don't want to see him screw or even touch another woman in the ways you secretly want him to touch you instead. No, you're technically here to maybe talk him into show you at least a little bit. But it doesn't seem like he'll cave in anytime soon, so you sigh out.
"Okay, okay, I'll see you around, I guess." You say, hopping down from the counter before you take a step towards the exit.
"Ah well, I'll drive you home then." He states, and you grow confused as he leans against the counter. "Seeing as my scheduled appointment wants to leave, I have time off." He states, and you skin tingles. "Come on now, before I change my mind." He states, as he walks you outside again, leading you towards his car.
"I didn't mean to turn up so.. I don't know. Sorry." You said, and he gets into the drivers seat, shaking his head.
"I can understand you, trust me." He says, as he starts the engine and drives off. "If you're okay with it, I'd like to get something from my apartment, and then drive to yours." He says, and you tilt your head.
"Why not to the studio, or your place?" You ask, and he nods.
"While those are places I feel comfortable, they're unfamiliar to you. It's best if we start in a place that's comforting and gives you a sense of security." He states, and you nod.
Jungkook, in your eyes, never really seemed as mature as he's acting in those moments. It's as if he switches every time you two change topics; any time this particular one comes up, his mood changing into a serious one. Now, you're not stupid, you know the risks- and of course you had somewhat done your research online about the damages that could occur during all of this. And there's also the not too little chance it really isn't something for you after all- and in a way, that scares you. Because you want jungkook, but what if you don't want.. this?
Instead of voicing that out, you simply keep quiet as he gets out the car, and inside again after fetching what looks like an overnight bag. "You're staying over?" You ask, and he simply throws it on to the backseat.
"Maybe. We'll see." He says, and you don't question him as he drives. "Let's get something to eat. What're you craving?" He asks, as he keeps his attention on the road. He notices how you seem to think, already able to practically see the gears turning inside your head. "Don't think about what I could want. I asked what you want." He says, calmly, and so soft, that you simply let your words out.
"Tae usually get's me food.." You start, and Jungkook nods, as if understanding. You watch him smile a little.
"Let's get some junk food and eat it in the car." He simply states, and you nod, happy that he seemingly really did get what you were trying to say. For you, things like these were almost like rituals- like you and tae getting random icecream just to hurry home every time to not have it melt.
Maybe this would become a memory only for you and Jungkook.
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"You're nervous." Jungkook says, speaking out what's obvious. You don't know what he'll do, you're confused whats in his bag- you're nervous, just like he said. "Why is that?" He asks, casually sitting on your bed with you. He had earlier told you not to panic-clean it; he was not there to be impressed. He was simply a visitor for now, nothing more, nothing less. You shrugged. There were a lot of reasons you were nervous. "If you want this to work, I need to have proper communication with you. Guessing will get me nowhere." He says, but his voice is not upset. He's simply informing you.
"I.. don't know what you'll do?" You say, and He smiles, sitting more comfortably, as he shows you his open hands.
"I'm not gonna do anything for the moment." He tells you, and you shrug.
"But wasn't that the plan?" You ask him.
"What would you want me to do then?" He asks instead, not answering your question. He's testing you, he want's to know if you really are aware of everything. He's also not only asking you about what you want him to do to you- but with you, as well. He was unsure if you wanted to romantically involve yourself with him, or simply explore something new at his side.
He's afraid he'd be okay with either, just because its you.
"Are you going to tie me up?" You ask, and Jungkook grins, before he laughs. You're growing shy, unsure, and he instantly makes sure you know he's simply laughing about what you said, not about you. His hand holds yours- and it's weirdly reassuring.
"No, although I can imagine you looking very pretty in that position." He says. "No, come here." He says, lays down on the bed, and you stay where you are, with reasonable distance between you two. "I want you to come as close to me as you feel comfortable. Don't force it- take your time. I'm not expecting anything, please remember that." He tells you calmly, not looking at you to give you mental distance from him as well. His eyes are actually closed, his body relaxed.
You don't move for a moment. You want to test how long he can really play this patient role- but after around five or ten minutes, he's still not moving. He's not even saying anything, and you're unsure if he's asleep or not.
There's only one way to find out.
You carefully lay down a little away from him, on your side, simply looking at him. It's weird to see him like that; you've always imagined him to be a very dominant and demanding person, from what you've heard and seen of him. But Jungkook doesn't feel like any of the guys you've been with; he also doesn't feel like Taehyung, or Yoongi, or Hoseok.. Jungkook, weirdly enough, feels comfortable. He's relaxed, and laid back, and still has that slight glint of power over you.
You move closer, your curiosity getting the best of you as scenes and pictures of him holding you fill your head. Is he even a cuddler? You can't imagine him being all soft and sweet for gestures like that, but then again, you didn't really think you'd ever be in a situation like this either. Maybe you were judging a book by its cover.
He smells nice- that's one of the first things you notice once you get closer. One of his arms is stretched out to the side- his tattooes visible, but partially hidden by his sweater sleeve. You want to look at them, so you test the waters- by touching his arm, just a small poke with your finger. You can see the corners of his lips twitch; he's definitely awake. You move his arm a little, inside facing you as you get a detailed look at his artworks. They're detailed, they fit him, the dark Ink a stark contrast to his skin.
His sweater seems soft.
You slowly lay down again, your head resting on his biceps as you simply lay for a moment.
This is nice.
You feel more and more bold with every minute that passes, not even minding the way he sometimes moves around. You're growing at ease, so much so, that you simply throw all hesitation out of the window, and cuddle up to him. one of your hands is on his chest, while your head rests ontop of the inside of his shoulder.
This is really nice.
"Are you falling asleep?" He asks, voice not loud at all, as his arm moves, palm resting on your forearm as he holds you. You don't mind it- you feel relaxed enough to really actually do fall asleep- so you nod. "That's good." He tells you.
"But didn't you bring stuff to try?" you ask, and Jungkook nods.
"We got time. A small nap is always a good idea." He tells you, and you simply nod- making him smile.
He's glad.
Because by falling asleep on him like that, you don't even know how much you've complimented him at all. You're relaxed enough around him, comfortable enough to let him close to you in a vulnerable state such as sleep. It makes him wonder how far you'd let him go- would you let anyone get so close so quickly? A sudden rush of protectiveness curses through his body, fills him up, as he swears he can't let you go now. No, what if someone else gets you like this? What if someone takes advantage of your open mind like that? He doesn't even want to imagine.
Jungkook really has it bad.
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You slowly wake up to a bit of weight on your face. "jungkook what're you doing?" you giggle, and he chuckles as well as he takes the hand away from over your eyes. He looks well rested, with his eyes still not fully open.
"Nothing." He says. "Just teasing." He says, but of course, nothing he does is just random teasing. Everything he does is calculated- it's to test you, to study you, to make sure he gets to know you. "Are you hungry?" He asks instead.
"Not for food."
He has to let that process for a moment, until he laughs. He's really got it with you, he thinks, as he suddenly moves, eyes dark, while he's now ontop of you, his hands holding your wrists. Expecting you to look surprised, he finds none of that however. It intrigues him, the way you don't seem to be nervous or fearful at all. It makes him wonder what you'd really do to him if he was to advance in ways he wanted to. "Careful, sweetheart." He says, and your eyes sparkle with a silent challenge.
"Or what?"
His grip gets a bit tighter at that, eyes a bit darker. "Someone's eager." He says lowly. "Don't you think you're biting off more than you can chew right now?" He asks, before he clicks his tongue, slowly falling into his own headspace. He knows however not to let himself slip. "Give me a random word." He asks, demands, and you say whatever finds your mind in that moment.
"Bunny." You say.
He raises his eyebrow for a second, but doesn't question it. "I want you to say that, loud and clear, as soon as you feel uncomfortable." He lectures you seriously. "It doesn't matter what it is. Physically, or mentally, or if you simply don't want me to continue because. I need you to tell me that you will say it." His gaze is intense, and you nod. "I promise you; I'll never get mad, or upset, or angry, or disappointed with you. My ego isn't worth your safety." He humms out at the end, and your eyes soften.
He notices it instantly, and it affects him more than he'd like to admit.
"I promise I'll say it if I need to." You tell him, and he grows comfortable again.
"Can I touch you?" He asks, softly, and you nod, before verbally answering him with a yes. "Remember; I'll only ever have as much power and control over you as you will give me." He mumbles, head now dipped down to ghost his lips over the skin of your neck. "But once you give it to me-" He says, his knee situating itself in between your legs to spread them in a silent command. "-I won't give it back." He growls, before he bites down, releasing the skin after hearing your delicate mewl, kissing the spot as if to apologize.
He's not sorry.
"Let me ask you.." He says, feeling you rut against his leg that's pressed against your center. "what do you really want from me?" He asks, and you open your eyes, movements slowly coming to a halt as you notice the way he looks at you.
He almost looks uncertain.
"I.." You want him. You know that- you want all of his bad habits and weird quirks. You want to get to know him and everything that comes with it. Hell, he was the main reason you even got into the entire scene in the first place. "You." You say, deciding its best to practice honesty.
"Me?" He asks, genuinely a little confused.
You nod. "Yeah. You." You say. It's a little weird, the whole situation, but you don't mind it. Your hands slowly slip out of his grasp, before they instead intertwine their fingers with his. He feels weirdly caught off guard by the gesture- his past encounters and relationships never having included things like these. So much so, that Jungkook genuinely believed those things to be simple movie-gestures. Overdone, and not realistic. "Like uhm.. if you want to. If you just want to, you know, I.. guess I'd be okay with that too-" You say, looking away, as Jungkook answers.
"I want you too." He answers, eyes searching yours for any glimmer of dishonesty. But he doesn't find it- there is none. There's just you. "I really want you too." He murmurs out, getting closer, before he lets himself loose, his lips finding yours.
He's never been a fan of kissing, but he can very much already imagine kissing you for hours.
Its not just you letting go in that moment, its him too.
Because unbeknownst to you, he's not just opening you a door to his world of unspoken fantasies-
He's also opening his heart as well.
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Your first time together is slow and comfortable.
It happens just a day after you had both decided to pursue an actual relationship with one another. He's gentle, careful, but not hesitant. He's exploring.
Inside of his head, he notes down every noise and every twitch of muscle. You sigh as he eats you out, the small ponytail of his unable to hold onto all of his hair as his eyes are partially hidden behind the blonde strands. He's watching you, his fingers having already stretched you out, but then he sits up. You whine, with him having stolen your release for a second time. "Let's play a little, yeah?" He says with an amused yet calm tone. You're already unable to do much about your position; your wrists bound to your bed over your head, carefully tied knots comfortable against your skin, as long as you don't pull. "Legs open." He calls out as you try and close them, and you whine again; testing his patience as you still go ahead and disobey his command. He watches, moves forward, before he pulls them apart again. "You want to cum, no?" He asks, and you nod, frustratedly so. "I wonder what made you think you've earned that reward from me." He tells you, eyes scanning your form as you pull on your restraints a little. He's not fully into his own headspace yet- he's still very much on high alert to notice any signs of discomfort coming from you.
He has to learn just as much as you do.
"You're lucky you're so sweet." He says, before he crawls closer again, his hand on your center, as he enters you with two fingers. Its not enough, but then his thumb draws circles on your clit- and you're approaching, quickly. "Hm? Won't you cum?" And then you say it.
"Can I?"
It's so desperate, so needy, so submissive, that it sends a chill down his spine. He moves closer, kisses your neck, as he can't help but let the rush of it get to him. He is, after all, just as desperate for release. No matter if its his, or yours.
"Such a good girl, of course you can." He tells you. "What a sweet one, such good manners.." He teases playfully, and you tug at your restraints as you come undone under his hands. He unties your wrists and you're holding onto him as soon as you're free, and he lets you hold onto him in your post orgasmic bliss.
Its after a moment that you realize it.
"Wait-" You say, sitting up to look at him. "You- I mean, you didn't get to-" You start, but Jungkook waves it off.
"Its fine, really." He tells you, and you know he's serious. "I'll just wait until it goes down, or take care of it in your bathroom if thats okay with you." He says, patting the side next to him to lay down on. "Come here." He asks, and you comply, before you speak again.
"You.." You start, not looking at him. "Could just take care of it here." You say. "Or I could.." you start, and he looks at you.
"Do you want that, or do you only feel like you have to?" He asks, and you shrug. You take some time, before you answer.
You've seen most of Jungkook until now. From his strong arms, his back, his inked skin, to his thighs and legs. You have seen all- but that. And you've never really considered giving anything back in that way to anyone because of one single embarrassing moment- but with Jungkook, for some reason, you wanted to try.
"I want to." You say, and he nods. "But I don't know how.." You say, and he smiles reassuringly.
"I'll guide you." He tells you, before he scans your face. He's never really felt that desired- at least not in the way he does in that moment with you. "You can take it out for starters." He says, and you nod, before you hesitate a little.
Jungkook is nice, when it comes to that. He's patient, always lets you do the pacing for now, until you trust him enough. This is only the start, after all. You stay cuddled up to his side, but your hand ventures towards his sweats, where you can see his prominent erection still waiting. Slowly, you push the fabric down, both his sweats and boxers underneath- his hips lifting a bit to make it easier for you, until he's freed from his clothes.
You've never really thought much about looks when it came to that department, but Jungkook was, in each and every way, highly attractive. Now you knew, that there was literally nothing about him you didn't desire.
Your first touches are a little hesitant, testing the waters, and Jungkook tries not to react too much to it to give you time. Its when you start to move your hand however, that he closes his eyes, head now completely resting on the pillows beneath as he just decides to enjoy what you might give him. His hips twitch upwards a little after you'd run your thumb over the head, precum glistening while your hand uses it as lubricant to move more smoothly.
He sighs out.
And you grow bold at that, moving to sit up and escape out of his embrace, before you dip down to feed your curiosity. As your tongue touches his skin, his muscles contract, the action not expected since he didn't look what you were doing. You've been told once before that you're not.. the best at this- but Jungkook made you want to try. If you would've looked, you would've spotted the intense stare that Jungkook had been sending your way; mesmerized by the way you tucked your hair behind your ear oh so sweetly, before you let a drop of saliva escape from between your lips, taking him in soon after it had dropped onto his awaiting length.
You really were something else.
He'd gotten head time and time before, and it was never something he didn't like- but he'd also rarely ever cared that much emotionally about the person giving it to him. It's weird, how an emotional connection can make you so much more sensitive to things- such as in that moment, as your tongue moved over his skin while inside your warm mouth, lips heavenly on his cock.
He couldn't imagine what it would be like to be inside you.
There's nothing he could teach you, nothing he could tell you to do, as you moved, sucked and licked. He was breathing heavily already, his hand finding yours as you hold onto it. He sits up, can't help it, has to somehow touch you while you're not letting go of your task. His palm escapes your hand, rests on your head instead, runs through your hair before it grips a little. You moan, vibrations making him throw his head back as he groans out, feeling his end coming closer. "If you don't want to swallow, let go." He grits out, but you suck harder instead, and its when your hand finds his balls that he lets himself fall back onto the mattress beneath, shooting his load into your mouth as you swallow it down.
He's on cloud nine.
You're thoughtful enough to pull his underwear and pants back up, laying on your stomach next to him, waiting, watching, with impish eyes. He looks so radiant, so relaxed, so at ease. It fills you with a weird sense of pride; since in a way, its your doing. "Why did you tell me you don't know how to do that." He comments, rather than asks, slowly calming his breathing back down. His eyes open, hand pushing some hair out of your face. "Thank you. That was amazing." He says, and you shrug.
"Thanks for the compliment." You say, looking at him.
"I have a request." He says, and you nod. "Not like that." He teases, making you blush. "No, but seriously." Jungkook knows that you've been with other people before. It scares him to know that some of your experiences might not have been good- he knows some absolute horror stories Taehyung had told him. "I want you to take all that you've experienced with your former partners.. all those moments, emotions, bad memories, all of it." He tells you, hand now resting on your cheek- a gesture in which you lean into. "And throw them away. Forget them." He tells you.
"This is a new start, for both of us."
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"How many clients have you been with?" You ask, casually sitting on the kitchen counter as Jungkook washes the dishes. Its your first night in his apartment, and you're more comfortable than you thought you'd be.
"None." He tells you, and you're ready to snort out a laugh, but he doesn't look at all like he's joking. Seeing your confusion, he continues while scrubbing a plate. "None of us actually have sex with our clients. Some only come to talk, really- others come to let go." He explains, and you nod. "I've never touched, nor been with someone intimately during a scene." He tells you.
"So you had scenes with your partners then?" You ask, and he shrugs.
"In the beginning, yeah." He admits, shrugging. "But I eventually gave up on it. It's not something a lot of people find very appealing. It all looks great in theory, but when practiced, most find its not for them." Draining the sink, he dries his hands on the dish towel, before putting it in its proper place.
"Could you.. imagine a relationship without it?" You ask, and he sighs, shaking his head.
"Not really." He looks at you after a moment. "Its who I am, and its how I love. I can't change that." He tells you, and you nod. Its understandable really, and you like that he has clear lines he likes to follow. It's weirdly comforting to know that he has his life so under control- its all you've ever wanted really.
It's something Jungkook might be able to give you.
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It was weird, the feeling of the rope against your skin. He’d been right about it earlier; it wasn’t rough or itchy at all. But maybe that was just because it was him doing it. Maybe he was simply fogging up your senses.
It would make sense.
“Okay?” He humms out, voice gentle and calm while he stops his hands for a moment, palm on your shoulder where it warms up your skin. You’re unsure what okay really means- okay like, he’s finished? Or is he asking if you’re okay? Or is he asking for permission? “Speak to me- don’t just think.” He says, eyes watching you in such a manner that made your slightly trembling body calm down.
“I’m not sure what- what you mean by, okay.” You say, and he smiles, eyes roaming over your body for a moment, but surprisingly not in a way that would make you feel exposed. You’re almost naked, after all- only your most private parts hidden from his sight. You can see the very evident tent in his pants; but he doesn’t seem like he’s frustrated or fazed about it.
“Good Job telling me.” He says first and foremost, and you start to feel warm inside. “I was asking if you were okay. Do you remember your colors?” He asks, and you nod, before verbally answering him with a ‘yes’. He nods again, a hand running over your head, fingers running through your hair affectionately. “Good. I’ll finish the last knots now- remember you can stop at any time. Don’t hesitate.” He says, and you nod.
He grabs the rope again; the tiny fact that he’d chosen one in your favorite color making you feel.. well, you didn’t know. You could feel your nose sting, before it shot into your eyes, making them water; something that Jungkook immediately noticed. “Color?” He asks, and you shake your head.
“Green, Green, I’m okay-“ you say, but you can’t stop the tears. He’s quick to sit down in front of you after tying the last knot- and it’s the first time you quietly look at them. They’re so delicate, so well done, but there’s no time to dwell on it as he lifts you chin gently.
“Talk to me.” He says, hands on your shoulders to give you some sense of stability. You’re safe, you don’t feel bad, but just..
“I don’t know. There’s so much-“ you begin, and he softly smiles, as if you’re not currently completely bound with no chance of proper movement. You take a deep breath, holding it before you release again, silently following the advices he’d given you prior. “Why do I feel so.. comfortable? I feel safe even though I’m in such a dangerous situation- I’m.. this is weird isn’t it, I should be.. I don’t know. Why’re you not doing anything? Wasn’t this supposed to be like, a sex session or something I don’t get it-“ you babble, and he lets you, before he speaks.
“You still don’t quite get it, do you?” He asks, and your glistening eyes stare up at him. “I don’t need something as simple as sex to feel satisfied.” He explains, and you nod, even though you don't quite understand. "I feel euphoric right now, even though you probably won't quite believe me." He says, his smile evident as his fingers trace the knots on your skin. It's there that you see it; the glimmer in his eyes, something you've never seen before with someone else. "The fact that you let me do this, it's all I need." He humms out. He looks at you, a silent question, and you take a deep breath.
You don't quite know what you're doing. Its weird- but seeing him like that makes you feel weightless. It happens slowly, you don't quite grasp what it is, but the feeling is nice. It's like letting go- like standing on the highest platform of the universe and just jumping down. And when you open your eyes, all you see is him.
He can't take his eyes off of you.
He's seen it often enough to spot it, knows what it looks like, but it still holds such a deep meaning to him to see you fall into your subspace for the very first time. You're so beautiful like that, so ethereal and enchanting as you lean forward to get closer to him. He's careful you dont accidentally hurt yourself with the big scissors on the bed close by- emergency equipment to release you asap if needed.
He knows escape is the furthest thing on your mind right now.
Able to do anything he'd want with you, he's not like that however. He's responsible enough to let you float for a moment, before he speaks to you again. "Baby?" He asks, and you nod, nuzzling his shoulder as he holds you close. "You're doing so good. Can you do something for me baby?" He questions again, and you nod, not parting from him however before he talks again. "Can you sit straight for a moment? Just like that, good girl." He praises as you instantly follow his command. "I got you, okay? I got you, you're safe." He repeats, as he slowly unties your body. It's careful reassuring and slow movements that make it possible to untie you- too quickly could make you drop; a state of sudden shift in mental state, that could send you straight into distress. Jungkook doesn't ever want to be the cause of that for you.
You're underneath him, and he's careful, as he undresses after placing the scissors onto the bedside table where it cant lead to any accidents. He also reaches inside the table, pulling out a condom from a box safely stored, before he gets himself ready.
Not even for a second is his attention not on you however.
"Hands up baby." He commands, and you do as he wants, already squirming as he advances towards you, fingers stretching you out as you grow huffy at the prospect of being edged again. He's quick to catch on though. "Hm, I'm not gonna be mean baby." He tells your fuzzy mind. "But I gotta get you ready, no?" Fingers steadily helping you relax, he waits until he deems you ready.
You struggle to keep your hands up as he enters you, but your mind is adamant on keeping his command. He groans out, kisses your neck, as he slowly begins to move lazily. It's enough for pleasure- but not enough to make you cum. "Good fucking girl. Look at you. My baby." He chants, and something inside you stirs at the last words.
His Baby.
You're his.
He wants you.
It makes you whine as he chuckles, nipping at your skin. "You can touch me baby, good job." He says, and your hands are instantly around his neck. You're mumbling something, but its not words. It's not coming out the way you think it does, and Jungkook doesn't mind, doesn't care. Its another one of those things fueling him up, urging him on.
You're his perfect puzzle piece.
He lets go.
"Turn around princess." He says breathless, and you follow his instructions eagerly. His hand rests on the back of your neck for a moment, leaves its place for a second to move your hair away from your face, before he gently pushes down. He's inside in a heartbeat, this time thrusting with more strength.
Something overcomes him that hasn't happened before.
Usually, this position is what he loves most- and yet, it's not what he wants. He wants you, he wants you close, he cant touch you enough. His arms snake around your torso, just underneath the bottom of your breasts, as he pulls you towards him. Your back arches so prettily, and he gasps out, breathing heavy as he continues his attack on your neck. "You're mine." He growls out, can't keep it inside anymore, his grip on you tightening. "Mine." His thrusts stutter, his hand reaches for your center, desperate fingers helping you find your release. It coats your thighs, stains the bed, and he pushes himself as deep as he can once he finishes himself.
He's breathing heavily, he's out of his mind, running on autopilot as his hands still hold you. He pulls out after a moment, a whine from you getting reassured by his own voice, before he leaves the bed, getting a warm damp washcloth ready for you. He's careful, gentle, seems to caress your skin more than clean it, places kisses every now and then and sends praises your way.
"How do you feel?" He asks, voice low and caring as he continues his aftercare.
"Like you love me a lot." You sleepily say, eyes still foggy, and he smiles.
"Good." He tells you, reaching out to kiss your lips, still high on his own afterglow. "That's how you're always supposed to feel like."
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"I've quit." He tells you one night on the couch, as you sit close to him. You'd asked him about his sidejob at Yoongi's- and this was his answer. Instantly, you sit up straight, fearing that he might've felt obligated because of you. "Before you start, yes, it was because of you." He says, and you already have the whine in your throat- but it doesn't make it out, as his fingers lazily trace your collarbone peaking out from his shirt you're wearing. "But it was also my decision. I just didn't enjoy it anymore- and you're more I could ever want really." He says, shrugging as you stare at him.
It was still new to you.
Although you knew that he was probably more than just a wild loverboy collecting partners and gaming all day, you never would've thought of him like this. He's a kid at heart still, teasing and playfighting every now and then- but he's mostly a strong shoulder to lean on for you. He really is the security and safety you'd always searched for. "What're you thinking about?" He asks, pulling you closer as he continues watching the TV show.
"You." You say, and he chuckles.
"Cute." He answers. He looks at you for a moment, TV long forgotten, before you crawl over his lap, shirt rising enough to give him free view of your thighs and panties. You've skipped the pants tonight- a habit of yours he enjoys a lot. His palms instantly find the soft skin, running along the outside of your thighs before they find your behind, squeezing, before he slaps it playfully. He grins as you squeal, admiring the way the very tips of your ears turn red. "You're really precious, you know that?" He tells you, and you shrug. "You are." He confirms, and you smile shyly.
"May I kiss you?" You ask, and he smiles warmly.
"We're not in a scene baby, do as you wish." He tells you, and you nod, leaning forward to capture his lips with yours. Its a feeling you can't quite get enough of, and it seems like he enjoys it equally as much. His inked hands find their way underneath your shirt, running over your back and spine as you shudder. He doesn't find what he seeks, your underwear long gone and left in the bedroom, and he loves it, instantly moves to your chest where he finds the soft flesh, his thumb running over one of your nipples teasingly. You're arching your back already, moving around as if you can't sit still. "My baby." He mumbles out, "If you can be so kind and get me a condom, you can ride me if you want to." He tells you, and you nod.
By now you easily know your way around his apartment.
So its no wonder you quickly return from your now shared bedroom, condom in hand as you approach him again, settling onto his lap. You're not shy with him nor his body anymore, eagerly taking the condom out of the package for him to roll it down onto his length. "You good?" He asks, and you nod, pulling your panties aside as you slowly sink down on him.
He lets his head rest back on the couch, and you lean into him, for a change returning the favor of kissing his neck. He's grinning, throughoutly enjoying things, and you love watching him. It's a visual reminder to yourself that this is your doing. You're making him feel that way, and no one else. It makes you confident, and it makes you feel cherished in ways you haven't felt before.
Once you start to move, Jungkooks hands help you along. Its slow and lazy, not at all hurried. There's no real goal; you probably wouldn't even mind not cumming at all. This was just being close- a way of feeling connected in the most intimate of ways. Connected like only lovers could be.
You love him.
And it slips out as a tiny 'I love you' in between your sighs and gasps, and he hears it so clearly, he can't help himself but speed up the pace.
"I love you too." He chants out, kissing the side of your head as you rest against his chest, head on his shoulder. "I love you so much." He says, almost inaudible, his arms holding you as close as he can.
Jeon Jungkook doesn't need sex to feel satisfied.
But he will most certainly need you for now and forever.
And he's totally fine with that.
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(c)Bonny-Kookoo. You know the drill. I know where you live. I don't. But still. Be scared. Boo.
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iamthenightcolormeblack · 10 months ago
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I WILL NOT take Jane Eyre slander
Yes I know people hate this book and I'm responding to it. Feel free to make corrections if needed or add stuff on.
"Mr. Rochester is an 80 year old creep who preys on young innocent Jane, who's a child."
Rochester is 35. Yes he's older than Jane but he's not ancient. He has vigor and vitality and Jane describes him as having "manly energy" and "athletic strength." When Mrs. Fairfax the housekeeper shows concern about the age difference between them, Jane insists that they are not "father and daughter." In terms of looks they are both "equals" in that they are unattractive but also have lots of repressed passion (represented by "fire.")
Also Jane is NOT your typical 18 year old. She literally experienced the DEATH of her one best friend and she worked as a teacher for 2 years before becoming the governess. She's definitely not a child and in fact one could argue that she never had a "childhood." She's always been treated poorly and ignored or even abused. In short she’s had to grow up quickly and support herself.
Here I present the second Jane/Rochester conservation, which pretty much sums up their relationship;
Rochester pretty much tells Jane that he will treat her as an EQUAL. He asks her to speak when other people in authority have been telling her to shut up and listen to them. That's highly significant. At times she gets shocked when Rochester treats her as a friend rather than a “paid subordinate.”
And Jane REFUSES to be intimidated by Rochester's advantage in years when telling him that he has "not made a good use of his time and experience." When he tries to play mind games with her she literally tells him that she's confused but not intimidated. Yes you go girl!
And Rochester is the first one to see beyond Jane’s unassuming facade when he recognizes her desire for freedom: “‘I see at intervals the glance of a curious sort of bird through the close-set bars of a cage: a vivid, restless, resolute captive is there; were it free, it would soar cloud-high.’”
In general Jane is more mature than Rochester. The guy literally throws tons of temper tantrums and she's very good at listening to him (very patiently) and reminding him that morals are not so useless as he thinks they are.
Here's another significant part of the book: the first proposal.
Rochester finds Jane in the garden and he keeps reminding her that she'll have to leave after he marries Blanche. But at the same time he asks if they've been good friends (how significant that is, implying they're equals) and if she'll forget about him after they leave (oh lord Rochester's selfish). Jane gets pissed off at his beating around the bush and finally admits that she loves him, but she refuses to be treated as an ornament in his life, to accept that she'll be second in his heart to his wife. And she declares that they are equals! Yes queen! Standing up for your dignity! And further proof that Jane's not dumb: she insists on seeing Rochester's face after he makes his proposal to be sure that he's sincere.
Rochester could have easily used Jane as a sex toy if he wanted to (this doesn't make him good but he's not totally evil). The housekeeper was shocked that he was willing to defy social convention and be "honorable" by proposing to Jane. During the engagement period, Jane set boundaries between herself and Rochester and he (for the most part) observed those boundaries.
“How is it love if Rochester keeps manipulating Jane? I don’t understand how this is supposed to be a romance!”
Here's what's true:
Yes, Rochester does play mind games with Jane, but he does so in order to "draw her out" because she reveals very little about her true feelings and is so accustomed to remaining silent because she's been treated as an inferior all her life.
From the very beginning of their relationship Rochester recognizes that Jane is exceptional (his remark that her drawings are "peculiar for a school-girl").
Jane loves him because she finds him intelligent and he enjoys her company. She can also see that he has a heart beneath his mean, moody, and broody facade and she cares for him. Plus she thinks he's super attractive (there is sexual desire in this book) as evidenced by her many drawings of his face.
I see his cryptic references to elves and fairy tales as evidence that he's imaginative much like Jane is. It's one of many things they have in common. When he compares Jane to fairy tale creatures he's pretty much telling her she's beautiful and special (which is highly significant to her because no one has ever loved or even bothered to notice her).
Jane feels happy when she's with Rochester because he lets her express herself; she is freed from "painful self-restraint." In short, Rochester gives her mental freedom, which she sees as necessary for herself.
Here's Rochester's real flaw: he's a selfish coward who won't take responsibility for the bad choices he made and keeps spinning lies and deceit in order to not face the consequences. He wants morally pure Jane to redeem him as his good angel (reminds me of the traditional 19th century view that women were guardians of morality) and she refuses to play that role, declaring that she will be herself.
He's not a very good manipulator (ex. getting impatient after Jane refuses to tell him about her feelings for him while disguised as the "gypsy") because things often spiral out of control (the wife locked in the attic keeps escaping and Jane leaves him).
Yes the power dynamics do start out unequal (Rochester does have more power as a rich gentleman and Jane is a mere governess dependent on his salary) but from the start, even before losing his eyesight and his left hand, Rochester is dependent on Jane. When he falls from his horse she has to help him get up on it, and he uses the conversations with her as "therapy" to help himself face his demons (plus remember that he pins his moral salvation on her!). After revealing himself as the "gypsy" he needs Jane's help to take off the costume and when shocked by Mason's arrival, he asks Jane if she will support him even if the world exiled him for his sins.
There's some fabulous tension where it's obvious that Rochester's in love with Jane (stopping himself from addressing her by a term of endearment, implying that she's his soulmate) and Jane is trapped between her love for Rochester and her knowledge that the marriage would be socially frowned upon.
The two also have a psychic connection (the "cord of communion" and Rochester calling for her across the moors). Jane says that Rochester often knows what she's thinking and Rochester declares that he is good at reading her through her eyes.
Though Jane doesn't like Rochester showering gifts on her, his desire to take her shopping (and hold her hand along the way) could be interpreted as further proof that he loves her. He wants the whole world to know that she's beautiful and giving her gifts is Rochester's way of reinforcing her status as his equal; she is mistress of Thornfield and not a plain governess. Unfortunately he misreads her there because Jane is in a way proud of her plainness as it's something which makes her unique. Plus she doesn't care for material wealth (very frugal).
The "farewell scene" is significant because it's where Rochester loses his power (kneeling before Jane), stops playing games of deceit, and attempts to tell Jane the truth in desperation. What's even more significant is that he recognizes that he won't be able to keep Jane as she must come to him of "her own free will." In short, he almost reluctantly lets her go.
“Bertha’s imprisonment is unjust and Rochester is pure evil.”
This is obviously difficult to address because we as readers are asked to believe the perpetrator and it's recounted from a biased viewpoint (Jane's).
Here's the story: Rochester was tricked into marrying Bertha for her money to secure the family estate. He was attracted to her for her good looks and didn't think twice before marrying her. Once married she proceeded to cheat on him, abused the servants, and cursed a lot (he was emotionally abused by her). Then she became mentally ill and violent and after trying and failing to end the marriage he locked her up to protect himself. He does admit that he was wrong to resort to deceit and not tell the truth. And Jane does believe his story and states he's sincere (but it's easy to see that she has an interest in keeping Bertha confined so she can be with Rochester).
Back then people didn't know how to treat the mentally ill; they were often treated badly or abused. Rochester locks her in his house because he feels it would be far better than sending her to an asylum or to Ferndean Manor, where she would most likely die. So he has some concern for her well-being. But is it ethical to keep an insane person alive if it would increase their suffering?
I do agree the imprisonment was not the best thing to do. Confinement definitely doesn't improve mental health.
Some think the imprisonment was motivated by racism. Because Bertha is Jamaican and a woman (ultimate victim in 19th century society) she could easily have been imprisoned for no good reason and insanity was used as an excuse to jail people. But Rochester's story doesn't seem to focus on her race as an excuse for jailing her/a reason for her madness. He focuses on her unfaithfulness to him and her abuse of him and others, which becomes ironic because his attempts to get away from Bertha result in him committing the exact same sins as he claims she did.
Here's what's totally wrong. Rochester shouldn't have pretended that she didn't exist to run away and have fun as a bachelor while she remained jailed in his house.
Also the argument in favor of Bertha seems to resort to the simple "powerful versus powerless" narrative where Rochester, because of his significant power as a white male landowner, inevitably HAS to be abusive (because all masters are). Bertha, having fewer legal rights than Rochester, is inevitably his innocent victim because his power makes him evil. The whole story is more complex since both Bertha and Rochester are ruled by sexual desire to the detriment of morals. And men CAN be victims of abuse too.
When he married Bertha he didn't have as much power because he was the younger son of the heir; he didn't become the master of Thornfield until his older brother UNEXPECTEDLY died. And the father and brother had an interest in preserving the marriage so there is some truth to the assertion that Rochester was (sort of) trapped. Mrs. Fairfax early on tells Jane that Rochester was not treated well by his father and older brother.
I agree with those who say that the treatment of Bertha as a raging animal is a big flaw of the book because Charlotte Bronte likely intended Bertha to be a tragic figure (manipulated by her and Rochester's family and succumbs to incurable madness) and a representation of the destructiveness of unbridled passion.
And also the perception of Bertha as an animal is Jane's! It reveals that Jane has flaws too; she isn't merely the morally good feminist warrior that we perceive her as. As soon as she sees Bertha she becomes scared and thinks of Bertha as a monster rather than recognizing Bertha's humanity. And on a side note Jane does unfortunately have social prejudices too; when becoming a schoolteacher she has to learn to respect the "peasants." Plus she's nationalistic when proclaiming English peasants to be the best.
Lastly, after she burns Thornfield, Rochester does try to save Bertha rather than letting her die. Interpret it how you may.
“It’s not feminist because she only comes back to Rochester when he’s crippled and no longer able to overpower her!”
Remember that Jane almost agrees to marry St. John in part because missionary work appeals to her. Though she rejected his proposal, after he treated her with kindness she almost accepted him until she heard Rochester calling for her.
Jane comes back to Rochester when she's independent and can support herself. When she comes back to him it's a choice that she's confident about having faced the prospect of a loveless marriage (St. John made clear that he viewed Jane as an efficient worker to help him convert people to Christianity). Plus she knows how to deal with his various idiosyncrasies.
As I said earlier, Rochester has been dependent on Jane throughout their relationship. Even though he tries to manipulate her, she doesn't easily give in, and he has to rely on her to help cover up his dirty secrets (she nurses Mason after Bertha wounds him).
Given Rochester's enjoyment of manipulating people, even with his injuries he still could have manipulated Jane or made her life difficult (his brain's still intact). And Jane notes that he still retains much of his physical strength even after the injuries. On a side note, Dolores Claiborne by Stephen King has an example of an invalid abusing the nurse.
After his initial joy in being reunited with Jane, Rochester oddly becomes not selfish (him rescuing the servants and attempting to rescue Bertha from the burning house is his first selfless act). He shows concern over whether Jane would be happy to take care of him when she could easily marry someone else closer to her age and not crippled.
Rochester sarcastically tells Jane that she "delight[s] in sacrifice" -- she derives pride from supporting others (splitting up her inheritance among her family). Freedom to Jane isn't the absence of obligations; it's the ability to mentally thrive and earn respect from other people who care about and love her for who she is.
Also this interesting line where Rochester says "'I want a wife.'" Rather than becoming a form of imprisonment it becomes a recognition of equality. Jane won't be a servant ("nurse-maid") in this relationship. And they'll totally have children...
Conclusion
Yes Rochester is not entirely good (that's clearly obvious). But he's not entirely evil either.
The treatment of Bertha Mason (the wife in the attic) is problematic. But don't oversimplify it into her being an innocent victim and Rochester being the Evil White Overlord.
You can have legitimate reasons to dislike this book but please don't make surface-level statements. And don't make ad hominem attacks against Charlotte Bronte even if you disagree with her criticism of Jane Austen.
Thank you for attending my TED talk.
Tags: @thatvermilionflycatcher @appleinducedsleep @princesssarisa @witche-nerd @obscurelittlebird @brontefanatic
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mercy-burning · 11 months ago
Text
Fake Fiancée - Part 3
Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader and Spencer write letters back and forth, both of them slowly starting to fall in deeper. Category: Smut (18+) Content Warnings: Strong language, sexual themes, masturbation (male and female), sexting, face sitting Word Count: 6.3k
PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4
MASTERLIST
NOTE: Hello!! Sorry this has been so long in the making, but for a while my inspiration for this story absolutely disappeared, and then I tried to think of how to bridge the previous chapters to the final one with absolutely no luck. And then I re-read Part 2 and got stuck on the letter, thus this chapter was born! I didn’t want to drag this miniseries out any longer than 4 parts, and the letter format combined with other inner monologuing and description really allowed me to do that in an interesting way that hopefully doesn’t feel rushed! 
It was so much fun and very refreshing to write. I hope you like how it turned out!
Thank you all for being so patient while I get my shit together 😅 Love you guys! Enjoy 🥰
***
We've been sending letters back and forth for about a month now.
If I'm being honest, it took me about two weeks to decide whether or not I actually wanted to send one back, but could you blame me?
Here was this guy I couldn't stop thinking about after a one-night stand, only for him to catch me—months later at the same exact bar we'd met in—flirting with his friend. And then after our sexual encounter that night, all the things we said, the connection I thought we had, all of it...
He left it all behind the next morning, only to send me a letter in the mail.
I was pissed.
Sure, it was a nice letter, but the fact that he'd reduced what we had down to a piece of paper and scribbled ink had made me angrier than I cared to admit.
In retrospect, I may have overreacted.
Over time I started re-reading his words, and the more I thought about it all, the more I started to regret my anger. And more than anything, I just wanted to see him again. I couldn't stay mad at him, not when all I could picture was his pouty face and nervous hands. His sunbeam of a smile peeked through the clouds of my anger here and there, and the longer it settled, the more it bathed me in a warm light that should have made me happy. But all it did was make me long for him.
Once I'd actually started writing that first letter back, I wondered why I hadn't jumped on the opportunity in the first place. I mean, after all the cliché shit we'd experienced in our short relationship thus far, adding love letters to the mix was just as perfect as you could get, right?
Spencer,
I'm sorry it's taken me this long to finally write you back. Truthfully I wasn't sure I wanted to write you at all, but your letter kept drawing me back in. I couldn't stop re-reading it, imagining you sitting down somewhere and contemplating every word as you wrote them down. I wondered if you'd thrown out hundreds of pieces of paper after messing up when you could have just as well typed out a letter without wasting them.
And then by that point, all I could think about was just you.
I always pictured what your living room looks like, or your kitchen table, or your office, or wherever you sit down to write. I wondered if you looked like one of those hopeless writers in the movies that have a scruffy face, coffee stains on their white tee shirts, and messy hair that hasn't been washed in days due to lack of inspiration.
But in the end, the image that won out over all the others was just you as I remember.
I'm not going to lie, that image most of the time was your body above mine while I held my hand to your throat, but for the sake of romance I guess I should probably tell you what it was every other time— the outfit you were wearing the first time we met.
When I think of you, I think of your hand nervously clutching that beer bottle for dear life and the other one occasionally pushing your glasses up your nose. I think of your eyes every time they'd look away from me, probably to keep yourself from staring too long.
But the thing that always gets me the most is your smile— even when it comes in little flashes, after you've said something you probably thought was lame. You covered it up with that perfect smile.
I've dreamt of that smile nearly every night since I met you, and I wouldn't be opposed to seeing it in person again.
I'd love to meet you for dinner some time.
But since you did manage to "more or less abandon me twice now", I think it's only fair that you make it up to me first.
Make the next letter a good one, and we'll see what happens.
Yours, Y/N
P.S. I hope my handwriting is as pretty as you hoped. I'd hate to disappoint.
***
Y/N,
I'm incredibly grateful that you've given me a chance to redeem myself. Every night since I last saw you has also been spent wondering what your house looks like on the inside... What you looked like reading my letter (perhaps at your kitchen table?)
And this might sound silly, but I've also wondered what your bedroom looks like. You may be laughing at me, because I've been in your bedroom, but in my defense I was a bit preoccupied to really take notice of my surroundings— I was simply surrounded by you.
But since I've been to your home, I figured it was only fair that I invite you to mine, possibly for dinner. I don't know how to cook much— in fact I'm pretty awful at making anything that's not a can of Spaghetti-Os... But one of my co-workers is an excellent chef, and with a recipe from him and some practice under my belt, I'm sure I can pull it off.
But by "some" practice, I mean probably weeks or months of practice. So hopefully that gives you ample time to mull it over.
Perhaps in the meantime we can get to know each other through our letters. And who's to say, it might spare us the awkward "getting to know each other" stage of a first date. Though, pretty much every stage of every date is awkward for me, so it might not help at all.
Regardless, I'm very much looking forward to hearing from you again.
I do get called away for work quite often, however. So I apologize in advance if I can't get back to you as soon as I'd like.
But in any instance, you're still welcome to text message or call me. I know it isn't as romantic or personal as handwritten letters, but it's certainly practical.
Yours, Spencer.
P.S. Your handwriting is just as beautiful as I'd imagined it would be. And you could never disappoint me.
That being said, if you somehow decide that this letter wasn't up to your standards and reject my offer, I may just find myself in the deepest despair imaginable.
***
I was definitely way too in my head about this.
It was just a text. Sure, it was a risky text to send, but I had no doubt in my mind that it would be fine in the end.
So why was my stomach churning just thinking about sending it?
Some might have chalked it up to my fat ol' crush on Spencer, but I knew it ran deeper. It had to do at least a little with my history with Patrick... The man stood me up and sent divorce papers to my place of work rather than to my face... And as much as I liked to think I was completely over it, we'd been together for years, and it really did a number on me.
I didn't want to ruin this new thing with Spencer so badly that I was overthinking everything.
So even though I could see his face opening the text, my heart doing jumps at the mere thought of it, a bigger part of me worried that it would be a step too far in the wrong direction. I didn't want him to think I was only in this for... sexual reasons. Which, don't get me wrong, have been pretty damn great so far, but I really did want to get to know him and see where this went.
In the end I decided to hold off. I settled for something a little lighter.
Spencer,
Don't feel too bad about your cooking skills. I've been through my fair share of burnt frozen pizzas to know how you're feeling. So the fact that you've given yourself the opportunity to practice and learn a recipe just for me is extremely romantic, and I appreciate the thought.
I won't stop you from following through, though I'm telling you now that no amount of slaving away in the kitchen will make me change my mind about you. We could probably eat stale crackers on the floor and I'd still find you utterly fascinating.
Maybe that's a bit too extreme, but I hope you get my point.
Anyway, I'd love to come over for dinner some time. Whenever you think you're ready to show me those improved cooking skills, you just let me know and I'll happily make my way over.
In the meantime, I'm thinking of sending more with my letters. I don't want to give away too much, but I will say that I'm very crafty. And don't feel like you need to send anything in return, though I'll let you know if I ever change my mind.
Yours,
Y/N
***
In the bottom right corner of the letter, right next to her signature, was a red lipstick stain in the shape of... well, her lips. It was common sense to know that they were hers and no one else's, not just a stamp or a drawing, and rather her actual lip stain... But even without it, I would have been able to tell by their shape.
Was that pathetic?
I could hear her, picture her in front of me, hovering above me with red-painted lips in the shape of a smirk, visibly cooing as she called me names... I could feel the ghost of her fingertips trailing up my throat and tilting my chin up to look at her as she rocked her hips teasingly into mine...
The whine I let out truly was pathetic.
You pathetic, needy little thing, I could hear her say...
My hands clutched the paper so tightly I thought I'd tear it, but it didn't matter when all I could see while staring at it was her luscious, red lips... Her voice was right there in my ear, like she was really beside me, watching me...
Oh, God, what would she do if she saw me right now? Staring at her lipstick stained paper and subconsciously grinding down into my chair...
You pathetic, needy little thing...
My hips jolted with a small, broken shout of her name, and in no time the front of my pants were flooded with warmth. I felt her eyes burning into me from the void, sparking to life with amusement as her voice crept into the deep corners of my brain and whispered praises to me.
Ohh, what a good little whore... Getting off to the thought of me... That's it, sweet boy... Come for me...
By now my eyes had squeezed shut and the letter was crumpled in my hand, the other reaching down to add much-appreciated burning friction to my crotch as I rode out my orgasm. My whole body tensed and shuddered at every sensation, from Y/N's image behind my eyes to the sweet warmth that pooled in my underwear and soaked through onto my hand.
Holy mother of—
The next time I saw her, I was screwed. I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face. I'd surely go red the second I laid eyes on her, and she'd know right away what I was thinking and feeling.
Simply put, it scared and excited me at the same time.
She'd utterly and thoroughly wrecked me, and if she didn't already know it, she certainly would soon.
Y/N,
I'm not sure what you intend to send in addition to your letters, but if it's anything near the sentiment of your lip stain, then you might have to refrain in favor of my poor, fragile heart.
See, it aches for you. It's bad enough I think of you always, but the moment I saw the shape of your lips on that letter, my heart almost shot straight out of my chest. Maybe it was the familiar shape of your lips or the implications of its place next to your name, signed after the word 'yours', that sent me into a tailspin, but whatever the case...
I'm pretty sure I've completely fallen under your spell.
I suppose I should also tell you that my heart wasn't the only part of my body that came to life at your added signature. I assure you, it took no time at all for me to come undone at the thought of your lips pressing gently against the paper, imagining that they were instead pressing to my skin... I didn't even have to touch myself, really. It just happened. Because of you and you alone.
I hope that wasn't too forward, but I felt it necessary that you know just how much of an effect you have on me.
If I could see you again in a millisecond, it wouldn't be soon enough.
That being said, I am determined to spend as much time as possible to perfect this dish for our dinner. Because you deserve nothing but the best, even if you insist that you could settle for less.
It's the least I can do.
Yours, Spencer.
And a week and a half later, when I didn't get a letter back on time, I was sure I'd messed up for good.
My mind was racing a mile a minute, yelling at myself for even thinking for a second of being that detailed in a letter without any consent. Sure, she'd taken it a step up by signing off her letter with a kiss, but I'd been absolutely idiotic in telling her that I got off to it.
I was honestly well and truly prepared to show up at her house with a big bouquet of flowers and an apology so wordy and probably too long for anyone's liking, in hopes that she'd forgive me for making this huge mistake.
Thankfully, though, it wasn't needed.
My phone chimed as I was pacing, my lip near bloody with how hard I'd been chewing at it, and I saw an unknown number attached to a text message and photo attachment.
The photo wouldn't load (I would have to plug it into my laptop and transfer the image there to see it— a fact which always irked Penelope to the core), but with the sentences I saw above the file, I almost knew exactly what I'd find when I had the means to see it.
There. Now we're even... Who says text messages can't be romantic and personal? XXX, Y/N
I felt like Bambi as I scrambled to my laptop three rooms over, stumbling over weak legs with my phone clutched tightly in my hand. My heart raced faster than it ever had as I started everything up and retrieved the right cord for my phone. With a few shakes and stumbles here and there, I briefly entertained the idea of upgrading my phone.
I probably would have left the apartment to do it immediately after seeing her photo attachment, but the moment it loaded up on my screen, my brain and body lost all ability to function properly.
A familiar burn coursed through the lower half of my body and tightened my chest at the sight of her, open and exposed and... wet.
My laptop screen was completely taken over by the image of Y/N's pussy, visibly glistening and aroused. A manicured hand—her hand— was in frame as well, middle finger resting snugly between the supple skin of her wet lips.
The fact that I only tasted her once felt downright cruel.
I tried to imagine it again— my face buried between the softness of her thighs. As much as I wanted to lay her down and indulge myself as long as possible, taking all the time in the world to slowly devour her and truly explore her for myself, what ran through my mind then was something more in the vein of our dynamic thus far.
My mind wandered, specifically to a place where I was the one laying down as she sat down directly onto my face and gave me what she thought I deserved. My hands were tied to the bed, maybe handcuffed. All I knew was that I couldn't touch her, and it bothered me. So I whined, and every time the sound left my mouth, she would let up, lifting further out of reach and causing me to instinctively reach my head up to chase her.
You greedy little slut... Take what I give you...
Desperately seeking her approval, I told her I'd be good and rejoiced when she lowered herself down to me again, allowing me to me completely wrapped up in her once more. My tongue lapped and lapped, gathering as much of her as I could before she'd inevitably leave again.
But she never did.
Somehow I kept my quiet, even though it was extremely difficult, and ate her out like my life depended on it. She glided smoothly over my face, coating more than just my lips in her arousal, and it thrilled me to my very core.
Every time I breathed in I could smell her, every time she groaned out my name my stomach fluttered, and it wasn't long before she was clutching my hair, shaking above me while I drank her in and repressed my whines.
My hips were uncontrollable though, bucking up into nothing and begging for any type of stimulation.
But then suddenly it was there— Her hand, firmly wrapping around my dick and gliding over it beautifully with a slickness that she must have transferred from her pussy. I could still taste her as I cried out her name, her movements quickening with every second until—
I didn't even realize I was actually alone until my eyes opened, cum coating my hand, my heartbeat heavy and loud, and the laptop screen in front of me a shade darker signaling a long period of inactivity.
I'd done it again...
And now we most certainly were not even.
I glanced over at my phone—plugged into the laptop—and then down at my lap, and my stomach knotted as my next move rang clear as day.
***
I woke up the next morning to texts from Spencer, and my heart picked up speed, a gentle warmth blooming through my chest at the sight.
I thought maybe he'd thank me for the photo I'd sent. Maybe he'd return it with an influx of messages along the lines of Oh my god, Holy fuck I miss you, and the like.
But what I wasn't expecting was to see a photo in return, of his hand that I'd dreamt of nearly nightly, wrapped firmly around his cock and all of it completely covered in cum.
Below the photo were three messages in a row, and each one gave me more butterflies than the last.
Sorry for low quality. No smartphone.
Also sorry we're not even anymore.
But I'm not sorry I did it- you're too perfect to resist.
***
Dearest Y/N,
I'm sorry you haven't gotten a letter from me in a while. And I know we've kept in touch through texting and calling while I was swamped at work, though now that I have some time off, I'd love to write you again. As much as I enjoy our virtual conversations, I still find sending letters to be my preferred method of communication (only second to speaking with you in person, that is).
Which brings me to the main point I'm trying to make.
I want to see you again. In person. I'm not completely confident in my cooking ability yet, but if you wouldn't mind the potential of it tasting awful, I'd love to have you over. I promise you nothing but the best, and I know that's a high promise, especially considering I probably haven't sold you on the meal, but it's true.
I'd do anything to please you.
And I really do mean 'anything', I hope you understand that.
Yours, Spencer.
***
The thought of seeing him in person again after so long made my hands way shakier than I would have liked. It made no sense the longer I thought about it, because it was obvious that we liked each other, and seeing each other in person wouldn't be a problem. Because it'd never been a problem before.
It irked me.
Still, I knocked on his door and physically shook out my hands, praying I could keep my cool when he finally opened the door.
But I should have known better.
One second I was staring at a large plank of wood, and the next I was staring into frantic eyes, golden and sparkling just as I remembered, but with an added glimmer of fear that matched the shakiness of my hands.
I don't know how long we stood there, just staring at each other, but the longer we did, the more we relaxed. His fear was gone, and the shaking in my hands turned into a dull hum that longed to reach out for him.
Still, I refrained, settling on a simple, "Hey, pen pal..."
By the way he looked at me, silent as ever, I started to wonder if that was a stupid thing to lead with. So I opened my mouth to apologize, to say anything else, but he beat me to it.
"Y/N... I... H—Hi, you look... incredible."
"O—Oh, thanks... Thank you, yeah, I um... figured I should... dress up a little. I know we're not going out anywhere, but I thought it might be nice."
He doesn't need to know that, Y/N, stop talking!
I gave him a small smile and a nervous laugh in an attempt to stop myself, hating how I was so nervous around him.
Spencer didn't seem to mind, though. He let me in and closed the door behind me as I quickly glanced around his apartment. It was littered with greens and browns, books everywhere, and I'd never felt more at home.
"Is it, uh... What you expected?"
"Hmm?" I turned to meet him, his soft voice pulling me from my wandering eyes.
"My apartment."
"Oh! Yeah, it's very you... I love it."
The compliment had his cheeks turning pink, and there was nothing I wanted to do more than kiss them over and over again.
And just like that, once again we were caught just staring at each other. I didn't know what he was thinking, and honestly, I didn't know what I was thinking either. All I knew in that moment was that Spencer Reid was standing right in front of me, close enough to touch, and I wanted to give in.
I was so wrapped up in the idea of feeling him that I almost didn't hear him speak. I wouldn't have heard him at all had it not been for his lips moving.
"I'm sorry, I haven't started dinner yet..."
"That's okay," I reassured. Or, at least I tried to. Really, though, I think it sounded more like I was uninterested in what he was saying, my voice flat and lifeless as I continued to stare at him.
Suddenly we were closer, and I had to look up higher to see his face, butterflies swarming in my stomach at the way he looked down at me.
"You're sure?"
"Mhm."
"I can start it now if you're getting hungry."
Food isn't what I'm hungry for, is what I thought. I almost said it, too, because he was even closer now, his hands coming out to touch mine. If they were humming before, they were certainly blaring with life now, growing hot under his light touch. And it took everything I had not to look down, because it had been too damn long since I'd seen his hands in person, and I wanted them on me immediately.
He could tell, too. He could sense my urgency, feel the longing radiating off my presence, and I knew this because I could feel his, too. His eyes practically dared me to say what I was thinking, and so I did.
"Don't you dare."
It was hard to tell who moved in first, but it really didn't matter.
I was here, in his apartment, feeling his lips glide over mine with reckless abandon, and that's all that mattered.
His hands gripped my waist so tightly I would have thought he was trying to hold me in place, to make sure I wasn't ever going to leave his sight again. And if that was the case, I would have let him hold me there forever.
My hands, meanwhile, clutched at his hair, forcing myself closer and closer to him with every sharp tug. I reveled in the way he whined into my mouth with every little thing I did, whether it was a tug of the hair or a roll forward of the hips, or even a swipe of my tongue over his.
He was putty in my hands yet again, and just like every time before, it turned me into a fucking goner.
Being with Spencer wasn't like anything I'd ever known. And the only other thing I'd known was Patrick. He didn't want me, not really, and even though he was good to me in the beginning, it was never like this.
I didn't come over to his apartment with shaking hands. I didn't send him fucking love letters almost weekly, and I certainly didn't get kissed like this...
Spencer was drunk on me, and I wasn't any sober myself.
"That picture you sent me..." I mumbled over his lips, still keeping myself as close as I could while I got out what I needed to say. "Where did you take that?"
We kissed for a few more seconds, unable to stay apart, before he answered, his voice just as breathy and brimming with desperation as mine. "My office. Just down the hall."
I kissed him again, hard, and then pulled back to look him in the eyes. They widened when I said, "Show me."
He dragged me through the apartment on rushed legs, and I almost laughed at the urgency, only stopped by the realization that I was just as urgent. It occurred to me that perhaps my laughing at his urgency might just be a slight turn on for him, given our history with my playful degradation, but still I pulled back— Tonight felt... different.
It didn't feel like we were headed in the direction of me calling him my dirty little whore throughout the night, and it was something I was more than okay with. In fact, I welcomed it, excited to see where this new night would take us.
We ended up in his office, which remained more or less the same aesthetic as the rest of his place. In the middle sat a small desk with a laptop and some papers scattered about on it, accompanied by a tall floor lamp and a rolling desk chair.
"Where were you exactly?" I mused, gripping his hand tightly and buzzing at the way his fingers flexed against my own.
"In the chair... I pulled the photo up on my laptop."
"Right. No smartphone."
Spencer hummed in confirmation before dragging me along to the chair, and I fucking giggled as he plopped down and practically pulled me right on top of him, the chair rolling back a foot or two. I went down for a bright, messy kiss that ended with his hands clutching my ass over my skirt and my own cradling his face.
His growing bulge nudged right up into my inner thigh, and I groaned lightly in his mouth, my fingers dragging softly down his jaw and neck until I reached his shoulders.
"What were you thinking about?"
He raised his eyebrow, and I rocked my hips forward with a sly grin, hoping to get my point across. "When you were looking at my picture, in this very chair, what were you thinking about?"
Seeing his eyelids stutter and his tongue dart out at my movements sent a rush through me, and I moved my hips once more to emphasize my urgency.
"I... I thought about you... riding my face. You tied my hands..."
"Oh?" I sighed, rocking forward again and humming into his neck. "Well, that can definitely be arranged if you want it bad enough..."
"Please, Y/N, yes... Please..."
The need dripping from every syllable made it near impossible to breathe, and I was suddenly very inclined to give him everything he wanted. With or without the begging.
So I reluctantly peeled away from him and stood up on weak legs. Staring at Spencer as he sat there, leaning back in the chair with disheveled hair and obvious desire in his eyes, made it all the better when I took my panties off from under my skirt and motioned for him to come forward. "On your knees?"
I would have demanded it in any other situation, but I was feeling a bit more sweet this time around.
And he seemed grateful for it, sliding the chair back further and getting down in front of me. I reached out and played with his hair, trying my hardest to commit his beautiful face to memory. I wanted it burned there for the rest of time.
"Hands?"
Spencer offered his hands to me, and I hummed happily, doing my best to tie his hands together with a makeshift knot from my panties. It wasn't really tight or secure, but it was enough for him to whine as he set them in his lap.
He watched intently as I dropped my skirt—a bit redundant now, but I thought it'd be a nice way to get him more excited. Plus I wanted to see his face (or at lease what I could see of it while it was buried between my legs).
I stepped forward then, looking down at him with a smile while my hands reached out to comb through his hair. "You ready?"
"Uh huh."
The look in his eyes right before I came forward and hovered over his face almost made my come on the spot.
But as fun as that would have been, I was glad for the way my body held off and settled for a beautiful, burning increase of pleasure that dragged out the longer he swiped his tongue through my folds. Actually, I forgot for a moment that I was supposed to be moving, riding his face like he'd thought about.
I willed my eyes open and clutched Spencer's soft locks of hair beneath me, gently rolling my hips and grinding down further on his face.  The groan he let out not only felt good against my skin, but it sounded like pure bliss, eliciting a small whimper of my own as I tightened my grip in his hair and rocked faster.
"God, I missed having your mouth on me, baby... You're... so good..."
The longer I spoke the more breathless I became, not because the words didn't come easily, but because I truly believed them to be true.
Spencer really was so fucking good, his tongue the most delicate, divine object of the universe as it drew out every ounce of delight from my body. I may have been the one above him, calling the shots and directing him where and how to please me, but he was the one who clung to my soul like static and politely guided me towards damnation.
I wasn't even sure of my surroundings to tell you the truth. As my body tensed and took me through one of the most blinding pleasures I'd experienced in weeks, My eyes were squeezed so tightly it's like I saw the universe. All I knew was Spencer's lips sucking my clit and my hands deeply rooted in his hair as I shouted incoherently, stars swirling around behind my eyelids.
Truly, for all I knew, we could have been in space. It wouldn't have made any difference.
But eventually it came to be too much. I was reaching a limit I didn't want to get to so quickly, and so I flashed my eyes open and tried to adjust to this brand new atmosphere, unweaving my fingers through pretty brown waves of hair and stepping back to assess the situation.
What I found was the most beautiful man I'd ever known, panting like he'd just ran a marathon and yet harboring the most intense joy and desire a person could hold. He was on his knees, bound hands writhing in his lap as he awaited further instruction and licked up as much of myself on his face as he could before I stopped him.
Under normal circumstances, I would have wanted to absolutely ruin him. That adoring, desperate look in his eye would have spurred me to more devious endeavors, but all I wanted in this moment was to make sure he was satisfied. I wanted to take care of him, to let him know that I longed to make him feel as worshipped and adored as he'd made me feel.
I got down to Spencer's level, quickly removing the fabric from his wrists and hauling him to his feet, where he now towered over me, still waiting for words to address and instruct him.
Instead, I leaned up with soft hands upon his cheeks and pulled him down to meet my lips in a kiss that changed the tone entirely. It was erotic still, of course, what with my arousal infiltrating my taste buds and eliciting a soft sigh from the both of us, but our urgency manifested in sweeter ways... Softer lips, gentle touches of the face, and an exchanging of breath that was so smooth and seamless it felt like we were floating on air.
I was finding it hard to breathe again, but it wasn't an issue in the slightest. In fact, there was nowhere else I'd rather have been than right there, kissing Spencer Reid like we had all the time in the world.
When the breathlessness was a little too much to bear, we pulled away, though only leaving just enough space to breathe. Our lips stayed briefly connected while we caught up, and his hands found their way to the sides of my face. The way they practically engulfed my whole head brought a brief smile to my lips as I finally gave him the words he was looking for.
"I'm so glad I met you," I whispered.
"Funny, I was just thinking the same thing."
We kissed each other again, naturally and with so much ease that I wondered how I had ever lived without him.
And then, as my hands slid gently down his chest, I felt it.
Something that felt very much like a ring attached to a necklace sat right where his heartbeat resided, and I knew exactly which ring it was.
"W—" I pulled back and circled the shape of it with my finger through the shirt, then looked up at him. "Is that what I think it is?"
Spencer looked briefly panicked, pulling away a little and fishing down the front of his shirt for the chain. "Oh... Um, yeah. I, um... I forgot to take it off, I'm sorry. I..."
"You... kept it?"
I observed the diamond as it laid flat on my palm, still attached to the chain and around his neck. Honestly, after all this time I figured he'd never found it or gotten rid of it, seeing as he never brought it up. And yet there it was, glittering in the palm of my hand as my other one presses firmly against Spencer's rapidly beating heart.
"Y—Yeah... It um... It was really the only physical thing I had to remember you—Well, at least until we started sending letters... And I guess I just... W—Wearing it has become such a habit that I forgot to take it off."
"You never take it off?"
I could tell he was nervous, and rightfully so given I wasn't really letting on how I was feeling about the whole thing.
Still, he answered my short question in such a small whisper I'd have thought he was trying not to get in trouble.
"No."
"Why?"
My words certainly weren't helping ease his anxieties, so I remained close, dropping the ring and focusing rather on his eyes. I softened the look in my own and glided my hands down to hold his. His fingers flexed against mine, squeezing them for dear life as he sighed out in relief and flashed me a soft smile.
"Because... I wanted you close to my heart."
With a smile that mirrored his eyes, full of enchantment and pure adoration for the person in front of me, I didn't use my brain and instead focused on what my heart was telling me, consequences be damned.
"I think I might love you..."
Spencer squeezed my hands tighter, that relief spreading out to all his features and brightening that beautiful smile.
"Funny... I was just thinking the same thing."
Our lips met once more, and I swear it was like nothing bad was ever going to happen for the rest of time.
I'd never felt that way. Not once with Patrick did my heart feel settled into place, even during the great parts of our relationship.
And now here I was, with a man who sent me love letters and kept every physical reminder of my existence, who kissed me like I was the most precious thing in the world and slowly mended my wounded heart.
He held me close the whole way to his bedroom and never let me go until the morning. Though, even then his arms outstretched towards me and his fingers flexed, needing to grab onto any part of me that he could find.
And as I was sure I always would, I welcomed him with open arms.
***
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makeste · a year ago
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BnHA Chapter 294: A Half-Assed Escape
Previously on BnHA: Mirio was all “SURPRISE I’M BACK THANKS TO OUR RESIDENT SEVEN-YEAR-OLD WHO RECENTLY EARNED HER BACHELOR’S OF BEING A TOTAL BADASS.” Kacchan was all, “you know what, Dabi’s been trending long enough, time to remind the fandom what a real G looks like,” and he blasted his little bleeding body back into the fray and was all “FROM HERE ON OUT CALL ME DYNAMIGHT!!” Mirio was all, “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... oh, you’re serious,” and Kacchan was all “!!”, and so that’s the story of how my son got murdered twice in one day. Meanwhile in the Todoroki Drama Zone, Deku was all “STOP MURDERING MY FRIEND” and Dabi was all “THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS” and fandom had a whole big debate about Whether Or Not Dabi Trying To Murder Deku’s Friends And Mentors Is Any Of Deku’s Business, which went exactly how you think it went. Anyway, so then Deku yelled at Dabi, and Endeavor was all moved by his manly words and randomly went to go uppercut Machia in the chin. And, seeing as how the Momoserum finally chose that exact moment to kick in, Machia is now down for the count.
Today on BnHA: The Miriosquad handles the Nearly High End Noumus, freeing up Jeanist to jasphyxiate (okay that one doesn’t really work so well) the rest of the League. Compress is all “TIME FOR THIS MILD-MANNERED SIDE CHARACTER VILLAIN TO SHINE”, except that by “shine” what he actually means is “use his quirk to punch a literal hole right through his own ass to free himself.” The rest of the chapter is basically just a back and forth between him and Jeanist, with Jeanist trying to recapture him, and Compress repeatedly thwarting him by chopping more holes out of himself because HE’S FRESH OUT OF FUCKS, AND THE ONES AT THE STORE ARE ALL SOLD OUT, MOTHERFUCKERS. Anyway, so with Compress basically dying and all, Horikoshi is all “you know what that means”, and delivers a freshly-baked villain flashback revealing that Compress is a descendant of Harima Ouji, a.k.a. the Peerless Thief, a.k.a. some famous guy whom Gentle mentioned this one time for like two seconds back in the day. The chapter ends with Compress finally demasking himself and dumping Tomura back onto the ground, a.k.a. The Worst Possible Place For Tomura To Be. ( •﹏•)
WHY IS CRUST HERE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD
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-- OH WAIT, SHIT. OH
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AIZAWAAAA you’re alive and receiving medical help thank GOD. HOW MANY EYES DO YOU HAVE. AND MIRKO!! HOW MANY LIMBS DO YOU HAVE, OMG
so is this Aizawa dreaming about Crust’s final moments, then?? jesus. with All Due Respect to Crust’s memory, does Aizawa not already have enough misplaced guilt on his conscience as it is?? “nope, we’re gonna keep piling it on. that’s all he is now. three limbs, an indeterminate number of eyes, sexy hair, and Guilt” well shit
motherfucker y’all really out here placing an oxygen mask on Gran Torino’s corpse. fucking shounen characters. each one comes with a lifetime warranty
DAMN YOU HORIKOSHI WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOWING THESE CLOSE-UPS OF HAWKS’S UNCONSCIOUS FACE ALL WHUMPED OUT AND EXHAUSTED. HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS ARE WE GOING TO GET. ARE YOU PLANNING ON KILLING ME WITH THE UPCOMING CONVALESCENCE ARC, BECAUSE IF SO, AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO TELL ME AHEAD OF TIME SO I CAN MAKE A WILL
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for a moment I considered going back and checking my previous recaps to count how many times I’ve already made a joke about Dabi’s fire incinerating Hawks’s wings but not touching so much as a hair on his five o’clock shadow, so that I could calculate whether or not I could possibly get away with making that same joke one more time. but then I realized I could just do it in this kind of roundabout way I’m doing right now instead. so there you have it
FFFFFFFMT LADY AND MIDNIGHT NOOOOO
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PLEASE BE ALIVE. PLEASE RESPECT THE SIGN ON THE FRONT OF THE BUILDING. THE ONE THAT SAYS “NO LADY CHARACTERS ALLOWED TO DIE”, WITH THE FINE PRINT AT THE BOTTOM “AT LEAST NOT UNTIL HORIKOSHI GIVES US LIKE TWENTY-SIX MORE OF THEM FIRST IF THAT’S THE WAY HE WANTS TO PLAY IT.” IT’S A GOOD SIGN, PLEASE RESPECT ITS WISHES!!
so anyway though, Jeanist is giving a speech about how god knows how many people all worked together to bring Machia down. and now RHA is getting in on those fabric puns too, I see. “A SINGLE STRAND MAY BE THIN BUT TOGETHER THEY FORM A STRONG ROPE” oh so you think you guys are funny eh? I’m a frayed knot
MEANWHILE EXCUSE ME BUT WHY ARE YOU FUCKING CRYING BLOOD, HOLY SHIT
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fffffff. so much for him taking over as the Number One once all this is over. so let’s just recap real quick, because Horikoshi has long since made it clear that one of his plot goals for this arc is to wipe out every single member of the Billboard Top Ten. so how we doin?
Endeavor - was just figuratively eviscerated in front of the entire nation by his homicidal zombiepunk son. also burnt half to death and possibly down a lung. will almost certainly be forced to retire after this one way or the other
Hawks - lying prettily in a medical tent. wings status: gone. hair status: still perfect
Jeanist - WELL I THOUGHT HE WAS FINE BUT APPARENTLY HE’S OUT HERE DYING, JESUS CHRIST
Edgeshot - MIA, last seen fighting Re-Destro. I really want him to have kicked RD’s ass because fuck that guy, but realistically they probably fought to a draw at best
Mirko - alive but in critical condition and missing something like 1.5 limbs
Crust - dead, currently haunting Aizawa’s traumatized dreams. now he’s gonna be triggered the rest of his life by people giving him the thumbs up, THANKS A LOT
Kamui Woods - was set on fire which is His Weakness. thoughts and prayers
Wash - last seen floating hospital patients to safety as Tomura’s wave of decay descended towards him. probably dead ffff
Old Man Samurai - haven’t seen this fucker in a hot minute, who even knows where he’s wandered off to
Ryuukyuu - currently being treated for her wounds, looked pretty bad off. but it’s hard to tell how hurt she is since most of the injuries were acquired in her transformed state. SHE BETTER GET WELL SOON
anyways, so yeah. so much for the top ten. guess that’s another reason Horikoshi brought Mirio back now, huh
so there’s a big panel of everyone fighting the Noumu while Machia lies there all “blurgh.” good riddance my dude. it took like twenty chapters and a hundred people to stop this guy so I really fucking hope he stays down. you’ve had your fun
anyway so Jeanist is sending another steel thread towards Dabi! and he’s all “just a bit more!!” fklklj this is gonna go real well isn’t it
meanwhile Mirio’s fighting a Nearly High End with all of these weird rock formations jutting out of its skin. go on and kick his ass then, Mirio
“each of these guys is probably just as strong as the Noumu from Kyuushuu” hold on I thought Ujiko or Tomura or someone said that wasn’t the case? not that Mirio would know I suppose. anyways let’s just hope he’s wrong cuz if not these kids are probably screwed
kLSDKFHLSKHGLKLK OH MY GODDDD
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IIDA FUCKING TENYA YOU’RE A PEACH. THINKS THE NAME IS OUTRAGEOUS, CHECK. USES IT ANYWAY, CHECK. “JUST BECAUSE I DON’T UNDERSTAND DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T BE SUPPORTIVE.” WHAT A CLASS ACT
AND KACCHAN IS RESPONDING WITH AS MUCH DIGNITY AS HE CAN MUSTER
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WOW, SON. IT’S ALMOST AS THOUGH YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO, OR SOMETHING!! although listen up, real talk, the fact that Kacchan of all people can’t muster the energy to yell at someone questioning his ability to kick ass is HIGHKEY troubling and we may be in need of an intervention here soon :/
now Jeanist is finally turning his attention to the League! was... was it not already on the League. omg
ACTUAL SCREAMING AHHHHHH FUCK FUCKLK LK AHHLKHKFFFF
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hey so um. what the actual fucked up hell. my soul left my body. imagine if you saw the reflection of this panel on your bedroom window. you would never sleep again
OKAY RHA TRANSLATORS ARE YOU HAVING YOURSELF A LAUGH AGAIN
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THIS CANNOT BE WHAT HE’S ACTUALLY SAYING RIGHT. BUT IT’S RIGHT IN THAT UNCANNY VALLEY OF NOT BEING QUITE SURE, THOUGH... ( ゚д゚)
(ETA: just a next-day clarification here, apparently my sleep-deprived ADHD word-skipping brain completely skipped right over the “a” in that last panel, so what I read was, “and Shigaraki’s limp noodle.” so yeah, the moral of this story is always read the speech bubble carefully before you start making running jokes throughout the rest of your post, folks.)
oh wow he’s really freaking out lmao
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to be fair though, I’d argue that Dabi has gotten pre-tty close at this point :’) thrilled for him, really I am
but anyway, well then figure something out you big dramatic robot-armed fiend. didn’t you just say you could touch your own ass? can you not just Compress yourself to break free?? does it not work on you? or would you be stuck afterwards lol
(ETA: I was picturing him compressing his entire body at once, not just chunks of it. ghhhlkh.)
um
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holy shit Jeanist. are you stupidly trying to cut off their air, or are you going for more of a sleeper hold (jleeper hold??) thing instead. the latter would be way smarter and faster and probably safer as well just saying
but unless Spinner is just being super dramatic, it sure looks like he’s fucking strangling them djslkjlk. this will certainly cement his popularity among the villain stans. good thing you’re not running for office any time soon bud
anyway so I have no idea what these guys are trying to do now. what is this
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do you even have till the count of 5 at this rate. I mean
OH MY GOODNESS
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HE’S REALLY FUCKING DOING IT!! HE’S COMPRESSING HIS BUTT!! OMFG. TOMURA HIDE YOUR NOODLE!!!
WHAT THE FUCK
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DID YOU COMPRESS A PIECE OF YOUR OWN ASS. FUCKING WHAT. PUT THIS MAN’S PICTURE IN THE DICTIONARY NEXT TO THE WORD “LOYALTY”, HOLY CRAP
HOLY SHIT COMPRESS
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“HOLY SHIT DID THAT GUY JUST PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH HIS OWN ASS IN ORDER TO SAVE HIS VILLAIN PALS. FUCK IT, HE DESERVES TO ESCAPE”
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jeez, talk about... A HALF-ASSED ESCAPE ATTEMPT :D :D :D hahaha. but real talk though, Horikoshi has clearly never tried to leap twelve feet straight up in the air multiple times in succession with only half his glutes though. everyone, I regret to inform you that this panel right here on the left may be slightly unrealistic
also where the hell is he going to go?? did you pack a jetpack away in one of those little marbles sir. and what about Dabi?? and Skeptic too, I guess, but we don’t really care about Skeptic
(ETA: at this point I had to stop reading for about two hours because I had to go out and take care of something; that’s also why this is being posted later than usual lol. anyways so where were we.)
oh my lord
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the existence of a translator’s note here implies that the earlier line about Compress being able to reach Tomura’s junk was not, in fact, ad-libbed. hmm. hmmmmmmmm
anyway so now he’s grabbing Compress again because OF COURSE HE IS, so now we’re right back to square one! except now Tomura and Spinner are secured inside of little marbles, and presumably Compress is the only one who can release them
oh nevermind he’s just maiming himself again instead, SHEESH
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Skeptic a man is dying please have some goddamn respect
so, uh. is he gonna die, though??
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I really can’t tell wtf is going on here, this is the most confusing the art has been in a while. Horikoshi put all of his spoons into that creepyass close-up panel earlier, that bastard
OMG WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS
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DON’T FUCKING TELL ME THE “COMPRESS IS RELATED TO THIS THIEF GUY FROM OLDEN TIMES” THEORY IS ACTUALLY TRUE WHAAAAAAT. OH SHIT
so apparently Harima was a Robin Hood type guy who stole from... heroes?? wtf. are heroes the 1% in this scenario. y’all didn’t have any Fortune 500 CEOs to steal from?
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THAT’S THE BLOOD THAT FLOWS THROUGH YOU, OH SHIT. and in a related oh shit, the fact that we are getting a Compress flashback now of all times doesn’t bode super well for him. ffff
MEANWHILE THE TODOROKIS ARE STILL TODOROKI-ING
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listen here boy if you touch one freaking hair on Shouto’s candy cane head I swear to god --
WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY!!!
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SHOUTO NOOOOOO. WTF YOU’RE LITERALLY THE ONE GUY WHOSE WEAKNESS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FIRE. DABI YOU SHIT, YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF!! I’M PRINTING OUT A COPY OF THAT COMPRESS PANEL!!! KEEP AN EYE OUT ON THAT BEDROOM WINDOW YOU PUNK!!!
SO NOW POOR SHOUTO IS UNCONSCIOUS AND FALLING!! SOMEONE SAVE HIM!! WHO CATCHES THE CATCHER
COMPRESS LITERALLY HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE RIGHT NOW, WHAT IS HAPPENING
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PLEASE DON’T CALL TOMURA LEADER OF THE “PLF” YOU KNOW I CAN’T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY WHEN YOU DO THAT. ARE YOU DYING. ARE YOU JUST A FUCKING HEAD NOW WTF
(ETA: “masks are removable, makeste” you know what it’s been a long day okay lmao. or I suppose Compress is really the one who is lmao.)
GASPPPPPP
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okay. okay. looooool okay then
WHY WERE YOU COVERING THIS SEXY MOP OF HAIR UNDER THAT HOOD YOU TOOL. IT WOULD HAVE LOOKED SO GOOD WITH THE TOP HAT. I’M SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW
as if it wasn’t enough for him to demask himself, he also had to get all shirtless and then do this weird attempt at a sexypose too huh
hard to say exactly how much of his torso is currently missing, but safe to say that’s proooooooobably not good. :///// fuck
on the other hand, Kacchan also has a torso hole and he’s still flying around like he just drank a dozen red bulls, so
this man lost his ass and he’s still out here monologuing like it’s the last two minutes of The Prestige. one might say he is monologuing his ass off
so he let Spinner and Tomura free, but is Dabi still trapped in his marble?? wasn’t he all on fire and stuff?? hopefully he can still turn off his quirk in there because if not that’s a pretty fucked up way to die. somewhere out there Snatch’s ghost is all “YEAH I’LL SAY.” oh how the turntables
last but not least, sooooooo. Tomura. back on the ground. that’s. um. ...shiiiiiiiit
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noctiilio · 9 months ago
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On the ninth hour of the ninth day of the ninth month, I ask you but one simple question. What do you think of Cirno?
ACTUALLY i have been participating in my friend Cappu's one cirno fanart a day through september collab (cleverly named Cirntember!) so i'll post mine on the 14th since it's scheduled for that day!!! you should def check that out if you can i've also been on a shared aggie.io canvas -v-/ BUT YEAH LEMME AT IT -sound of me comically cracking my knuckles and the impact reverbs through the solar system- ok ok ok cirno cirno cirno my beloved. back to my critically acclaimed essays with free character psychanalysis up to level 60 and the free expansion fanart. ok so. She's a charming character and i understand why she's so popular. Ppl again push too far into certain tropes with her but considering the touhou fandom at large its a given :') Cirno is SOMETHING ALRIGHT. She's just a kid with too much hubris for someone her size who's hellbent on flexing on people twice more powerful than she is. And you know what? I love that. genuinely.
Fairies are just all around fun characters in the touhou series and I love what ZUN made with them, from the three fairies of light to clownpiece, they're just all very enjoyable. But cirno? Cirno is the crown jewel of this bundle of joy. She's the premium experience.
My favorite instance of Cirno is 12.8: great fairy wars. Its just delightful. None of the decisions taken by either of the fairies make sense and that's what i love abt them all. Like she isn't stupid in the literal sense of the word, her thought process is just incomprehensible because that's the fairy experience for you. She'll take overly convoluted directions that are just unnecessarily complicated for absolutely zero reason and only a fairy would understand and her attention span is VERY short, she's in the moment you guys, she's really in the moment and i love that for her. She's got no forethought and she'll jump into trouble head first and NEVER see it coming. She just never learns and keeps charging there's no stopping that sassy lost child. My favorite example to illustrate that is when she tried to sell water flavored popsicles. Y. Yeah. It's that nonsensical, almost cartoony sense of goofiness that keeps me coming back for more every day. Seriously if i had to pick only ONE touhou character that reads like an animated toon, hands down it's cirno. (clownpiece is a close second, dare i say.... she's on thin iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.)
I also love the direction that she's not your typical winter-themed ice fairy. She's that sweet feeling of getting shaved ice in the middle of a hot midsummer day personified. And i LOVE that for her. Summer is THE extrovert of the four seasons its commonly accepted this way in media, summer is the noise complaint season by excellence so it fits.
I love that when she's a playable character (like in hidden star in four seasons) she ends up accidentally helping the other protags just because she wants to flex on the WORLD, not because she wants to solve the incident. Like she doesn't know what she's doing for gensokyo she just does it bc she wants to prove something for herself. And thats so funny to me. Like, what Okina was doing? Through one ear and out the other, she just wants to win she's not here to hear you monologue, she'll put herself in airplane mode until you're done she just wants to prove her own strength as recklessly as possible. And this is the exact reason why i hope we get to see her more as a playable protag in mainline games she's just hysterical to me.
Thank you and happy belated cirno day i'll be back with a fully illustrated on the 14th, so while we wait here's my doodle on the shared aggie.io canvas!
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(fun fact: i draw her w triangular eyebrows to match the shape of her wings -v-)
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mfpeace · 11 months ago
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@justbeingedgy @weird-colombian-gurl You asked me to elaborate on the "Ches already has a kid" theory in the notes of that one mf analysis post (which I really liked, go check it out!!), so that's why I'm making this one, cuz notes are a bit too restricting for what I want to talk about!
Though next time think twice before asking me to talk about something I'm interested in, because you never know when you're gonna wake up lovecraftian horrors!! :DDD you'll see what i mean when you press read more :))
So, I'll say it right now - this post is largely inspired by the second story highlight of this Instagram user (sorry, I don't know their name, only that their Instagram handle is dee_girl_metalfamilyfan), it's in Russian though, so keep that in mind
Alright, so I'll break this theory into two parts: the first one will be all about Ches, and the second will be about his potential child (spoiler: you might've seen her!)
Without any further ado, let's get to the Ches part:
1. The creators said that they're gonna explore Ches' character in the second season. Obviously, it doesn't mean anything on it's own, but just wait.
Dima: Let's talk about the second season a little. Of course, the seconds season will show development of the old characters, as well as new ones. That's in short. As you see, Ches looks a bit different here.
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Alina: Yeah, we'll show a bit more about Ches at the ages of 18 to 20. His past. We'll reveal a bit more about his complex character, as much as it's possible.
(The source of the translation) Also I think they also said at one point that adult Ches will get some character development too? But that's probably a given, considering that we wouldn't see his youth if it wouldn't have affected him in the present, flashbacks without any relevance to the overall story don't sound so good
2. Not sure about this one (we don't know how much in character it was) but I can't not mention it.
Alina: Actually there was this one fanfic that I really liked. I don’t remember what it was called, but it was about Ches having a daughter, which is a cool topic. It was relatively in character and truly interesting. It’s great when people focus not just on sexual relationships of the characters, but also try to look at their development. That was a really interesting one. That’s it.
(UnityCon '19)
3. This one's a pretty big one, in my opinion. So, this is what they said on ArtWave '19:
Dima: Ches also has flaws.
Alina: [to Dima] Don’t spoil stuff.
Dima: His flaw is that he's very... irresponsible, let’s say.
So, maybe, just maybe, Ches does have a child but he, you know... left them? As the Instagram highlight from the beginning say: "he might be irresponsible enough to leave his child, and he's probably irresponsible enough not to use any contraception" (rephrased, not the exact quote)
4. Alright, so, the only mention of this one I can think of right now is the aforementioned Instagram highlight. The Metalfamilyfan says:
I contacted Korg/Корж, (admin of @ metal_yama [and I believe one of the organizers of the Metal Family Meetup in Moscow]) and she asked Alina on one of the meetups: "if Ches were to be a father, what kind of father would he be?"
And she said: "The kind of that would say "kid, look at that birdie over there!" an then he would run away"
Someone's words are not the perfect source, but they did tag Metal Yama and from what I know they didn't disagree with what the author of the page said. if anyone has anything to say about this (disprove or definitely prove what I said) feel free to do so in a reblog, notes, DMs, send me an anonymous ask, or in any other way you feel comfortable with
5. Ches has literally been through the same thing, and we know how important the theme of the cycle of abuse is in Metal Family (or, in this case, the cycle of neglect? Abandonment? Idk)
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You managed to hide your PREGNANCY from me! AND you've been hiding the child from me for a whole year!
YES, because you would've insisted on aborting him!
AND NOW I'M INSISTING ON PUTTING HIM UP FOR ADOPTION! OR I'LL LEAVE RIGHT NOW!
6. Here we can see Ches with a blonde girl. Nothing too special, probably just a one time hook up. He doesn't seem to be interested in her, and she seems to be annoyed with him.
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But wait...
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What is this?
Like, it doesn't even matter if there's actually a punk/rock/whatever band named MOM or not, I just think it's pretty weird to put it in this particular drawing of Ches and this random woman who is implied to have slept with him. It's not integral to Ches' character as, for example, Korol i Shut is. It's just... there. For some reason.
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Alright, now, finally let's get to the second part of the theory: who is, exactly, his child?
The short answer is, according to this theory, her:
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First, let me list every single instance of her appearing in canon (and by canon I mean everything made by the creators. Even with this definition of canon it's not much, I promise): The screenshot you can see above on the left (it's a screenshot from the second season and it appeared here), an instagram story posted by Alina (above, right), and two drawing with a lot of characters where you can spot the girl which I'm gonna call her PinkHair or PH for short, I'll mention them later I feel like I should mention this, comparing the sources of the images and the dates when they were posted, it's safe to assume that the screenshot in the classroom has the latest and final version of her design. The red hair most likely doesn't mean anything
1. Alright. So. we've seen Dee and PinkHair in a classroom together, so they're most likely related in some way, or at least they know each other. Their exact relationship doesn't matter here, because all that matters here is that they're related story-wise
Let's look at the first image. This is the banner of the main Metal Family channel. Ches is near Heavy (they get along quite well and I'm sure Heavy aspires to be like Ches in many ways), Dee (we can see his classmates/friends near him, they're all about his age), and we can see people related to Glam on the left side of the image (including Ches!), and Vicky's - on the right side (notice how the hell sign is also there)
Now, I'm not absolutely sure about this one, but it's still kind of weird - look at the image on the right (it's from ArtWave 2021 btw) - wouldn't it make more sense to put PinkHair near Dee? Also, Curiously enough, not only is she not close to Dee on this image, but she's also standing next to Ches.
Though this whole thing could be explained by art theory (too many small things in one corner of your drawing isn't great composition wise lol sorry PH) but I still can't quite skip this point
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2. Remember the "MOM" lady? Fun fact, she has the exact same pearl earring that PinkHair has on the screenshot.
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3. I'll put all similarities with her supposed parents in this point: Mother: * She's also pretty uh.. glam? for the lack of a better word? Or feminine in a traditional sense, yeah I think that's a better way to put it. Like colors they prefer to wear for example, and jewelry. Characters like that aren't common in Metal Family * She's gotta be a blonde. I can't imagine her being anything but blonde. If she manages to maintain that hair color as a brunette I'm just straight up assuming her character arc is gonna be killing God because these kind of people are capable of anything. I fear them with every fiber of my being. * I can't say for sure because of the shading, but it seems like they both have gray eyes, and she also has darker skin compared to most MF characters. Though, it's likely that Mom just applied a lot of fake tan Ches: * We know that Ches for sure has darker skin * AND grey eyes * There's also some possible personality similarities but I'm not sure if you can compare a child to a parent they've never really known in this way
That's about it, I suppose, I hope there isn't that many grammar mistakes and logically unfinished parts and whatnot in this post I forgot to edit lol x) I'm not sure how to end this post other than to remind you guys that almost all the points in this posts are inspired by the "тупая теория" highlight on the dee_girl_metalfamilyfan's Instagram page, so go check them out and subscribe, they post Dee x The Quest Girl fanart and and always credit the artists. Without them this post would be much, much shorter.
Thanks for reading this post, please feel free to let me know your thoughts on this post <3
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esther-dot · 10 months ago
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"There’s a propensity in the fandom to look at a character who mistreats Sansa and rather than acknowledge how they use/abuse her, ship her with them as a way of absolving their fav of wrongdoing." You do realise this is precisely what Cersei fans do too? Not shipping her with Sansa, but all the nonsense about how she tried to help Sansa in her own way, how she only hated Sansa because she "saw herself" in Sansa, she was just trying her best to teach Sansa, she must have been exactly like Sansa when she was younger. It's all just an attempt to put a rose-coloured tint on that relationship, diminish Cersei's culpability, and glorify Sansa's relationship with another one of her abusers. I don't disagree about the other ships you mentioned, but it's interesting to see these accusations being made so often by a corner of the fandom that doesn't even realise they do the exact same thing with Sansa and Cersei's relationship all the time.
I fully expected that post to earn me an angry anon, but I did not see the "but you don’t hate Cersei!!!" angle coming. 😆
I am not responsible for the words that every Cersei fan writes, I’m not even aware of them because I’m only active in the Sansa fandom/Jonsa circles, and I hardly even write about Cersei myself, so I’m perplexed that you feel like this is something pertinent to me. As far as I can remember, I haven't said Cersei was like Sansa because I've been pretty vocal about the fact that I think Sansa is incredibly innocent/good. I'm one of those people who don't think she mistreated Jon or bullied [email protected] because that's ooc. I can't remember if someone said it or I just thought that Cersei drawing herself flying on a dragon with Rhaegar, believed she would marry him, only to be heartbroken reminded me of Sansa. I'd agree with that because come on, it does sound like something Sansa would have done. However, Sansa is a deeply compassionate, kind person, and while I thought show Cersei was very entertaining, I never made the mistake of thinking she was like Sansa, even as a child because of the whole...ya know, murder thing. 😬
As for the "she tried to help Sansa in her own way" issue, well, I think show Cersei did believe that loving your children and your children alone was good advice. I think that was coming from her own experience. Cersei couldn’t love Robert (who was abusive), but she does love her children. She left out the whole twincest detail though 😆 It isn’t pretending she isn’t a villain to say that was what she thought. Cersei did believe in ruling by fear. Are you saying she didn't? In her mind, Cersei offered Sansa guidance. As wacky as it is, Cersei did think she was betrayed by Sansa. That reminds me of how Tyrion took her as a child bride, knowing the plan was to use her to take Winterfell/the North from her family, that his family murdered hers, and he still resented her for not loving him. These characters aren’t well. What they think makes no damn sense outside their POV, but it is their POV. As a result, there’s this…intimacy in Cersei's hatred for Sansa because she sees herself as having tried to mentor Sansa even though we know it was craptastic advice. I'd argue that's what the author wanted us to understand, just as all the Stark kids have mentors who give them advice they must reject.
I don't think it's glorifying the relationship to acknowledge that Sansa had regard for Cersei that she never had for Tyrion, and that Cersei’s betrayal was particularly cruel, personally significant to her. That experience was a formative (“never will I be like that evil bitch") one. I’ve said before, to me, the Sansa and Cersei relationship is far more interesting because Sansa never allowed Tyrion to get close to her, but she did trust Cersei initially. I talked about this a bit here. Cersei’s treatment of Sansa hurts me more because she let Cersei in. To me, that makes their relationship more interesting than the pedoships. I don't think that's viewing it through rose-colored glasses, and just because I enjoy Cersei as a villain in a way I can't the pedos (because I don’t like reading about sexual harassment), doesn't mean I've forgotten she's a villain or am acting like she isn’t culpable.
I don't see how there being...(counts on my fingers) six of us who love Sansa and enjoy Cersei as a villain/prefer her out of all Sansa’s antagonists is such a hot button issue for you when the norm for the ASOIAF fandom is people who argue that a 13yo is having fantasies about her sexual assault and think that there’s nothing wrong with believing Sansa needs to fall in love with her molester to prove she’s not a worthless person. (I’m stating that more crudely than they do, but that’s the truth of that stance). And when I say “norm” I mean, that ship was, maybe still is, accepted by the majority of the fandom. The most popular ASOIAF tumblrs support it/ship it, or at a minimum, never condemn it. Pedoship content is in the Sansa tag every day (I have them filtered, but I still see the tag for the blocked post), and yet, I seriously do not remember reading any posts about how Cersei was a good mentor to Sansa or how a good ending for Sansa would be for her to end up living under Cersei’s thumb. If we were saying those things, then there might be some comparison, but I doubt anyone has ever even suggested that Sansa needs to accept Cersei’s treatment or forgive her to prove that she’s a good person. Whatever we do or say about Cersei and her interaction with Sansa is in the context of a fandom who does all of the above while wishing that Cersei’s twin/lover/father of her children strangles her to death because she, none of the other villains, she is evil. So, remember the environment in which Cersei fans are writing. Think about what they’re pushing back against and take that into consideration when reading their takes.
Obviously, [email protected] and [email protected]sa are far less objectionable than the  pedoships, but again, their content is everywhere while I do not see the content about Cersei you’re claiming is commonplace. This is why I question if this is a real norm that you're picking up on, or whether it's something you saw once or twice and are now trying to hold us all responsible for? Are you sure you didn’t see a joke post and overreact? Tone can be difficult to read in text, but even Cersei’s most hardcore fans know she’s evil. It’s kinda why we like her. The same can’t be said for fans of other villains, so again, I am skeptical about your attempt to act like what we’re doing is equivalent to stuff going on in other parts of the fandom. Most of them deny that their favs wronged Sansa, while we know Cersei did. Have you seen posts saying otherwise? Because, explaining the why of a character’s action isn’t saying what they did is right. Are you possibly confusing the two?
Also, I don’t see people I follow talking about [email protected] or [email protected] much. I can’t remember ever seeing someone say what I did before, and I’m pretty certain that was the first time I ever wrote about them, so it isn't the case that I'm bitching about those ships “often.” I did it once, and even if I did dedicate my blog to hating on one of those ships 24/7, I’m allowed to express my shipping preferences without having to throw in, “btw, Cersei is still evil y’all” as if that has anything to do with what I’m talking about. It’s totally irrelevant because I never said, “let’s pretend that Sansa would be happy to maintain a relationship with Cersei.” That simply isn’t a thing I say. Now, even though I reject your accusations as baseless, I agree with you in a way. Show [email protected] and [email protected] do have a lot in common with the Sansa and Cersei dynamic because they both tried to play Sansa/use her naïveté against her, which is the same thing Cersei did. This is why I don't want them with her because they aren’t good to her. They’re all bad for Sansa, they all wronged her.
All the same, just because I know Cersei's a villain, just because I know what she did to Sansa doesn't mean I can't have sympathy for what Cersei endured, talk about her as more than her most heinous acts, and see how the experience of being a woman in that fucked up world allows for these two very different characters to have some shared experiences. No one thinks it's weird for fans to love and humanize every other villain (and I do mean all the other villains), so I don’t see why Cersei can’t benefit from some sympathetic reading too. I care about what Cersei has suffered, even if she is a baddie. She is still part of the critique of their society even if she’s evil. And, it’s kinda a thing that Martin loves parallels/foils and creates them with loads of characters, including Sansa and Cersei. That’s a standard part of fandom discussions which means, it makes sense for us to talk about those? Because Sansa will not be making the same decisions Cersei did and will not have the same fate? That kind of analysis is fun, the basis of a lot of spec, so unless you’re seeing a lot of stuff I’m not, I feel like you’ve misinterpreted what we’ve said/our purpose. 
If you would like to DM the specific post(s) you’re reacting to so that we can have a common framework in which to discuss this, feel free, but as of now, no, I do not “realize this is precisely what Cersei fans do” because I don’t. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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ordinaryschmuck · 11 months ago
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Starkid Musicals Ranked from Worst to Best
Salutations to you, random people on the internet who most certainly won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.
Welp. I finally did it. I've watched the entire Starkid musical library, and I must say, most of these plays fit my writing style perfectly:
Humor that is cynical yet random
Leaning in with comedy while sprinkling in some well-executed drama
An understanding that any type of story works as long as the cast of varying personalities of characters is dynamic enough to result in some phenomenal chemistry.
This is in almost all of their plays, excelled through fantastic writing and stellar performances driving the overall quality. And it inspired me not only to review each musical, but also ranking them all from worst to best. Or, more accurately, least good to most good. Because even at their "worst," Starkid still provides a funny, enjoyable experience that will keep you laughing with its comedy and your toes tapping with its catchy music. So strap in as I go in-depth into how Starkid proves how they are the masters of humor and melody.
(I'll also provide links to each musical, which is all for free on YouTube, so you can check them out yourselves. Just know that their early work is impossible to enjoy without subtitles, so you might want to have Closed Captions on when watching.)
#12-Holy Musical [email protected] about this play makes it seem like it's the weakest to me. The jokes, songs, and characters in Holy Musical [email protected] just don't hit as hard as Starkid's other plays. It's still good, but compared to their best, the cracks show a lot more. That is, except for the ending. Not only is there a great speech that shows what makes superheroes so beloved, but "Super Friends" might just be my favorite finale song Starkid has ever put out. Holy Musical [email protected] may not be the best, but it's at least worth the time.
#11-Firebringer-This was stupid. Really stupid. Funny as f**k, but still pretty stupid. Although I will give credit to one of the central pairings being LGBTQA+...Even though it makes little to no sense based on the characters' previous interactions. But in fairness, Starkid really sucks at writing good romantic relationships, so at least Firebringer has the benefit of being gay. And as we all know: The gayer, the better. The play is still stupid, though.
#10-Me and My Dick-The world in this musical makes little to no sense. Penises and vaginas are sentient and can communicate with their humans. And yet the penises and vaginas can also talk with each other, form relationships, leave their humans, and reinsert themselves into others--Yeah, it makes no sense...But, DAMN, is it funny! Every joke and innuendo Me and My Dick has about human anatomy works, and I could not stop laughing at each of them. Especially the names that were given to the vaginas, which are just...I mean, I'm laughing just by thinking about them. That should tell you how funny they are. This play might be illogical in every way, but if you turn your brain off and watch it for the humor, you'll definitely be in for something fun.
#9-ANI: A Parody-What's weird about ANI is that its best qualities are also weaknesses. A good chunk of the jokes are hilarious and expertly delivered. The issue is that most of them are about taking potshots at the Star Wars prequels, which might be the laziest jokes to make in a Star Wars parody. Then there's the soundtrack, having several songs that are a bop to listen to. The problem is that ANI suffers from the same issues as Tarzan and Brother Bear: Yes, technically, it is a musical, but it's one where none of the characters sing, and some people in the background do all the singing instead. It's all an odd balancing act of quality content made through questionable choices. ANI is still an entertaining play, but the force isn't as strong with this one.
#8-Black Friday-This might be the least funny play that Starkid has ever put out. Not just because it leans extra hard into drama, which was pretty effective during certain scenes. It's just when there are jokes in Black Friday, they tend to fall flatter more here than they did in other plays. Also, the plot of Black Friday might not be the best one to play straight. The serious moments work best when focusing on the characters and their personal struggles, but through the big bad that's supposed to be threatening? Not so much. Even if it was meant to be funny, well, I wasn't laughing. And believe it or not, I consider that to be the best judge of whether or not something is funny. That being said, while Black Friday isn't the most humorous Starkid musical, it's still pretty good. The characters are excellent, the songs are awesome, and the story is somewhat easy to follow. I would have appreciated a few more laughs, but I can respect these talented people wanting to challenge their strengths.
#7-Starship-This play feels very...Disney. It follows a familiar formula we've seen several times: The main character wants more than what he has in his crappy life, miraculously gets the exact thing he wants, falls in love with a girl in a short amount of time, faces off against a campy/over the top villain, realizes the hand he's been dealt isn't so bad, and in the end, gets what he wants anyway. Starship is still pretty entertaining through its jokes, characters, and songs, but it also feels weird that Starkid leans into these tropes when they would eventually make a much better play by making fun of them. The end result is not bad in the slightest, but it's also nowhere near their best.
#6-A Very Potter Musical-Starkid's first production, and boy, what a start to something wonderful. Every one of their gimmicks and motifs is present in A Very Potter Musical. The use of parody to playfully mock characters and stories they love, making songs that are as funny as they are emotional, and creating characters that work because of their lines and the actors' performances. Oh, and also, it's funny. And it’s not just through a parody angle, like making Cedric be a perfect boy who's always smiling. It's also funny through its jokes that work, even if you ignore the fact that it’s a parody altogether. Case in point, there are these two bits, one involving Voldemort and Beatrix with the other involving Ron and Hermoine, that are written and delivered so well that I was in tears much more than with any other Starkid play. When watching A Very Potter Musical, you'll not only understand how parody works, but you'll also gain an understanding of why Starkid turned out as successful as they did.
#5-The Trail to Oregon-What can I say? I'm a sucker for comedic dysfunctional families. And seeing a family of idiots make their way to Oregon via The Oregon Trail parody? Yeah, that's a win for me. The play may be another family road trip narrative, which some people might get sick of at this point. But because the dynamics and comedic chemistry everyone has with each other are on point, the end result proves that you don't need an original story to tell an entertaining one. Although I will say that out of all of Starkid's productions, The Trail to Oregon has by far the worst ending. Without giving anything away, the play spends way too much time on this one stupid joke that any of the characters could make. Comedy is defined by personalities, as are most things, so making the joke work for anyone is a bad move when this one, in particular, doesn't fit as well for some characters as it would for others. Plus, the finale song "Naked in a Lake" is a really poor choice to cap off this musical. It's catchy, but to me, a finale song should encapsulate everything about the story, characters, and themes. Not paying off a joke that I honestly wouldn't want the payoff for. So while the ending could have used a lot more polish, that doesn't change how The Trail to Oregon is a pretty funny play that I won't mind revisiting when I have the chance.
#4-A Very Potter Sequel-Hey, sometimes a sequel is better than the original. Sure some jokes don't land, and some story beats aren't as impactful as they thought they were (Serious Black's introduction, for example), but there are far more improvements to this play than the last one. The performances are stronger, the jokes are funnier, the music is catchier, and the characters are much more entertaining in this play than in A Very Potter Musical. Especially new additions like Lupin and Lucious Malfoy, who provide great comedy and sublime drama at times. And Umbridge. Sweet Mother of all that is holy, Umbridge. While A Very Potter Sequel never made me laugh to tears as the first play did, twice, Professor Umbridge carries the comedy so well that she surpasses all of that. Plus, on top of it all, this play nails its ending through a bittersweet note that really captures what makes Hogwarts so special to these characters. I always feel like Starkid's plays tend to lose steam during the last few minutes, but A Very Potter Sequel is one of the few instances that it just builds and builds to a perfect ending. A Very Potter Sequel might not always hit the right marks, but the results are just magical when it does get it right.
#3-The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals-This one is pretty clever. The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is one of those stories that manages to be explicitly hilarious yet implicitly disturbing. For instance, people suddenly bursting into perfectly choreographed musical numbers in a world where songs are exclusively diegetic is pretty funny (especially through the characters' reactions to it). However, knowing what happens to these people and why they sing and dance so expertly helps make the whole situation pretty dire. It's an excellent balancing act that not many stories can accomplish. And while The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals leans one way or the other at times, it's still all handled really well. Oh, and also, you know how most people say the villain song is the best one in any musical? Well, technically speaking, nearly every song in The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is the villain song. Including the finale, which is just too brilliant for me not to give a round of applause. If you're a person who unfortunately doesn't like musicals either, I'd say be more than willing to give this one a chance. It's funny, catchy, and if you think of the implications, pretty damn disturbing.
#2-A Very Potter Senior Year-...You know how Avengers: Endgame is a bit of a mess, yet people still love it for how much of a perfect (sort of) finale it is? It's the same regard with A Very Potter Senior Year in my eyes. It's far from a masterpiece, but the many, many solid scenes that cap off this series help make me willing to overlook the mistakes. The characters, callbacks, and overall message about how things end was done so expertly well that I physically can’t hate this one. I can understand how it's more of an ok play when compared to the rest of Starkid's productions, but sometimes, ok is wonderful.
#1-Twisted: An Untold Story of a Royal Vizier-...It's Twisted. Everyone loves Twisted! And how could they not? Everything about this play just screams Starkid at their best. The comedy is uproarious, added with the fantastic delivery of the actors and the characters' personalities. Everyone feels as though they have one step in reality and the other in insanity. This, to me, seems like the best type of character work when going for the parody angle. Parody is about giving slight yet snide remarks toward the work you're mocking, which I feel works best when characters drop the suspension of disbelief audiences have when enjoying such a story. And Twisted definitely nails its satire in not only poking fun at Aladdin but also making jokes towards Disney as a brand. From their movies to their inside jokes to their formulas to even their corporate dealings with Pixar, nothing about Disney is sacred in Twisted. But on top of being funny, Twisted might just be the most successful Starkid has been with telling some really compelling drama. The jokes allow themselves to take a back seat to let serious moments play out, and even comedy is added, it provides more for the experience rather than taking anything away. You see this not only through the actors giving it their all but even through some really gorgeous and heart wrenching musical numbers. Oh, and also, Twisted has the best Starkid soundtrack, featuring songs that are epic, funny, and, as I said, heartbreaking. You cannot get better than this and, if you want to get a friend interested in Starkid as a whole, this might be the play for them. Scheherazade may have a thousand tales, but his one is a tale I wouldn't mind hearing for a thousand nights.
And that's about how I feel about Starkid and each and every one of their plays. Odds are your ranking would be much different from mine, and I'm all for that differing opinions. Feel free to make your own ranking if you want because I'm honestly curious where fans would place these plays above or below others. I'm relatively new to enjoying their work, so I have no idea what the consensus is. I do know one thing, though: If Starkid can still be incredibly entertaining through over ten years of content, then I am excited to see what they can accomplish next in another ten years.
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habukomongoose · a year ago
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Do you dislike hawks now after 299? I really don't know i how feel about him now but I'm curious how others feel about him. He's a really complex character.
My feelings on Hawks haven’t changed significantly after 299, but I already didn’t like him before that, lmao.
TL;DR: Hawks as a character is objectively interesting and complex, but his character does not appeal to me, as he went in the exact opposite direction of what I like in my characters. Furthermore, the fandom response to Hawks is absolutely horrible, and shows a consistent pattern of woobifying him or ignoring his full, entire character for something that’s more ‘palatable’ to people. Also obviously the 1000 arguments about why extrajudicial murder by an agent of the state is ok actually didn’t exactly make me like him more.
Okay so fun background story: Hawks was pretty much singlehandedly responsible for sparking the BNHA hyperfixation. I like characters with wings (look I just think they’re Neat ok) and one of my favourite character archetypes is the person who breaks/has broken free from a situation in which they had little to no agency to oppose those who hurt them, which is where I thought BNHA was gonna go with Hawks. I did consider the fact that his character might go in the complete opposite direction (i.e. reinforcing the system that hurt him and in turn becoming a symbol for it that would eventually need to be torn down), but I never really paid it much mind, because it was just so antithetical to what I’d write. Since BNHA has consistently made the exact opposite narrative choices as what I like/would’ve made, I really should’ve known better.
As soon as he cornered Twice I knew BNHA wasn’t going in the direction that I thought/hoped they would, since Twice (for a variety of reasons I’ve talked about before) had more narrative potential dead than alive at that point (not saying I approve of killing off one of the only mentally ill characters in the story though). After that was confirmed any interest I had in Hawks melted pretty quickly, and the remaining rest evaporated once the fandom fighting started up.
Hawks’ character has not fundamentally changed or become more or less interesting/complex after 299. Likewise, he didn’t become more or less interesting/complex after Twice’s murder. Hawks is a pretty good character, probably one of the best in the manga (though that’s not a high bar to breach tbh). 
His childhood within the HPSC was pretty horrifying and emotionally abusive, since he clearly experienced emotional neglect and was encouraged to loose his sense of identity in favour of constructing that of Winged Hero Hawks. As a result, he is a workaholic who is unable to connect with the people around him, who values his own well-being very little. Nevertheless, he got lucky: Hawks was rescued from a childhood of poverty, physical abuse, and physical neglect due to his quirk, and brought into a system that provided for at the very least his physical needs. Since he was a child, he’s never known hunger or financial insecurity. This is in contrast to Jin, who got unlucky: just like Hawks he was impoverished and homeless at a young age, but unlike Hawks, the system didn’t save him, and instead tore him down further and further. This lead to him becoming the Twice we knew, and despite his supposed admiration of him, it’s clear from Hawks’.... everything that he doesn’t understand Twice in the slightest. 
I don’t think Hawks realizes how lucky he was. He doesn’t understand that the system that helped him can and does mercilessly tear down others. He doesn’t understand that the only reason he had this chance was pure luck; luck of genetics for having a strong quirk, luck of timing for being in the right place at the right time (like Twice was in the wrong place at the wrong time). He doesn’t understand why anyone would want to reject the system that has, twice over, saved him (once by Endeavor, once by the HPSC). This leads him to look at someone like Twice, living what is essentially a happy life with friends willing to help and protect him, and think he needs saving. Twice lives outside of society, and wanted to bring it down for what it did to him and his friends. To someone like Hawks, who was given everything by that same society, this is something he is unable to understand, and moreover, it’s a threat. Someone like Twice, with a powerful quirk and every reason to hate and harm society, cannot be allowed to exist. So Hawks gave him a ‘choice’: turn his back on the friends who helped him when no-one else would and rejoin the society that brought him low to begin with, or die. Either way, a threat to the system would be removed. To Hawks, this was a reasonable offer, because he sees the system as fundamentally good, with just a few holes; to Twice this was a mockery.
I don’t think Hawks realizes how much society hurt him, either. He clearly doesn’t like the HPSC or the control they have/had on him very much, but he still fundamentally sees the system as a force of good. As such, he was unwilling to entangle himself from it, thinking that the few flaws it had could be fixed from the inside. 
A combination of this is why he wants to help Endeavor. Hawks sees the system as flawed, but ultimately something good that just needs to have the flaws ironed out. Endeavor, to Hawks, is one of the ultimate good: Endeavor was Hawks’ very first saviour, the very first time the system helped him. But Hawks knows the system is flawed, which is why I think he doesn’t seem shocked by the fact Endeavor was accused of domestic abuse. Furthermore, it’s why he doesn’t think it’s a big deal anymore, even if it happened; the flaw in the system (Endeavor) was ironed out (he stopped being abusive); therefore, it (Endeavor) can continue to do good, like it always was meant to, like it always did. 
Fundamentally, Hawks is self-centered. He is either unwilling or incapable of putting himself in other person’s shoes. If something helped him, it was fundamentally good; whether it hurt others is something he doesn’t even consider, not at length. It’s how he can so fundamentally misunderstand Twice: he never made any effort to get to know him, personally; he saw a person who was willing to help him, and constructed his own idea of what a ‘good person’ like that must look like, must feel, must be. It’s how he’s able to invoke Twice’s memory while simultaneously dismissing abuse allegations made by one of Twice’s best friends, and how he’s able to invoke Twice’s memory to announce he’s helping one of the people Twice would’ve most wanted to see destroyed. It’s why he decided to help Endeavor before anyone else: Endeavor is important to Hawks, he’s his origin, so he’s going to help him. 
Hawks has chosen to side with the system over those marginalized by it, and in turn, has become a symbol for it. If BNHA decides to overhaul (or, and we can pray, even destroy) the system, Hawks will have to be removed, to signal a symbolical changing of the guard. Whether he’ll die or be taken out of action remains to be seen, but my money is on death.
I do have issues with the way Hawks is written: his ‘friendship’ with Twice was horribly rushed and badly developed, which makes the fallout a lot less impactful, and him getting his wings back is absolutely baffling to me, since burning them was such a strong symbolical statement of him trapping himself, so I’m worried about where his arc is gonna go from here. But for the most part, I think he’s a strong, interesting character, albeit not one that appeals to me, personally (because I think a character who aids the system that ultimately hurts both him and other people is very depressing and I don’t vibe with it).
The reason I ended up actually actively disliking Hawks honestly didn’t have that much to do with canon, and everything with fandom. 
This not intended as an attack on you, anon, but frankly, I find it very strange that many fans who stood by Hawks when he murdered Twice, or at the very least were able to tolerate it because they liked the other aspects of his character, were so turned off and shocked by 299. They could excuse the extrajudicial murder of a mentally ill man who wasn’t even an immediate threat, but they draw the line at some by now frankly pretty standard issue abuse apologism? Izuku has said almost the exact same thing as Hawks; why is this the breaking point, and not the extrajudicial murder? Obviously everyone can like or dislike basically whatever character they want for basically whatever reason, but it seems rather backwards to me, honestly. 
Hawks’ character is definitely complex, but to me, it seems like most of the people who like him don’t appreciate that. They want him to be a poor helpless woobie, victimized by the HPSC and unable to make his own choices; this was a prevalent problem in Hawks characterization even prior to Twice’s murder (and I should know, I read a LOT of Hawks-centric fic). Hawks’ character did not become less interesting or complex after he murdered Twice, and it has not become less interesting or complex after he defended Endeavor; but it has shown a truth that’s uncomfortable for many fans of his character, in that it confirms that he is capable of making his own choices, and that those choices really suck. This has become twice as clear after 299, where he literally states that he is (for the time being) free from the HPSC’s influence, and then he immediately follows that up by making a horrible moral choice. 
For a lot of fans, who’d seen Hawks primarily as a victim and for whom that was the appeal of his character, this must’ve been a slap in the face. A not insignificant amount of the defenses for Hawks after he murdered Twice were based on the idea that he had no choice, that either Twice forced his hand by being too dangerous, or that the HPSC forced him into this somehow. Removing his agency from this choice allowed them to continue seeing him as nothing more than a victim, someone forced into a morally dubious choice by circumstance. 299 just shattered that illusion, by making it excessively clear that Hawks does have agency, and that what he chooses to do with it is bad. 
Of course I don’t think that’s the only reason some people were turned off by 299 more than Twice’s murder; there’s also something to be said about the fact that people often put more weight on the bad things people say than what they do, the fact that people seem more willing/able to empathize with victims of abuse rather than extrajudicial muder, the fact that in a shounen superhero story superhero vs supervillain violence is expected but abuse apologism is not, and the fact that many people thought Twice deserved to die because he was a danger to society and that Hawks was morally right to kill him, but know there is no justification for supporting an abuser. (For the record, Hawks was not in the moral right when killing Twice and those people are wrong and frankly scare me a bit with how willing they are to defend an agent of the state’s right to kill people without trial, I’m just saying it’s harder to justify defending a grown adult man beating on toddlers than one grown adult man killing another who did have some power to do harm.) 
But I do think that a lot of people saw Hawks as a victim first and a perpetrator second (or not at all!), and find it hard to reconcile this view of him with his willingness of defend an abuser. 
Anyway that’s a very long an complicated way of saying that people treating Hawks as a victim first and foremost when he can, has, and will do a lot of damage, and has become a perpetrator of harm himself is obnoxious as all hell and has been since day 1. Hawks is a victim of child abuse, yes, and he deserves compassion for that, even if he’s making a bunch of really bad moral choices. But there’s only so much compassion I can give to a man who is willing to harm and kill others to protect a system that has hurt so many (including himself!). Hawks is a grown adult man with financial stability and government backing, and his shitty choices are his own. I find it strange that so many people claim to like him as a character, but can’t stand to face the choices he made, either choosing to defend them or choosing to ignore them entirely and only focusing on ‘fanon’ Hawks. 
Anyway Hawks is an interesting character but that doesn’t change the fact that I think he’s a shitty person who I really wanna roast like the chicken nugget he is. Also the fandom response to him is the WORST.
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whentheynameyoujoy · a year ago
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So the ATLA Movie Is... Good, Actually?
Just kidding, of course it’s not, it’s so bad it sucked the paint off my walls. But after ten years of people pointing out its glaring flaws, why would anyone bother talking about this garbage heap if not to go the other direction? So here’s a very brief and very superficial list of things the movie does get kinda... not atrociously wrong.
And they won’t be fake hipster pokes, like “It’s fun to laugh at”, “The Rifftrax for this is OK”, or “Kudos to the actress for managing to say we believe in our beliefs as much as they believe in theirs with a straight face”.
(though now that I mentioned it, it is fun to laugh at, the Rifftrax for this is OK, and massive props indeed.)
Rasta Iroh
Yes, I know it’s not exactly the aesthetic of the real Iroh or that it makes no cultural sense for him to sport this do when no one else in the racebended Indian “OMFG what were you thinking Shyamalan” Nation does but goddamn, long-haired dudes are my one mortal weakness and I will ogle the hell out of him.
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Jesus is that a man bun I see that’s it mum I’ve been deaded
Yue’s hair
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No.
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Now we’re talking. Yue’s hair turned white when the Moon spirit gave her life, so it makes sense for it to go black again when she sacrifices herself to revive the koi fish. It’s a neat detail I find myself expecting whenever I rewatch the scene in the show. Yes, I realize it’d be a pointless hassle to animate since she, unlike in the movie, immediately goes on to become the Moon herself but still. I like.
The Blue Spirit’s mop
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Zuko, hun, what’s with the dance-off?
First of all, I want to imagine that Zuko the Theatre Nerd was about to leave his ship with just the mask like in the show but then stuck his head into the cleaning cupboard and went, “Yeah, more coverage might be good, even though it do seem mighty fried to shit”.
Which makes me giggle. I like to giggle.
And secondly, the hair’s movement is what makes the static mess of the Blue Spirit’s solo fight scene appear at least bit more dynamic because God knows the cinematography isn’t doing it.
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Any particular reason why it’s at the edge of the action, shot all boring-like?
Now, I get why circular shots would be reserved for Aang while he’s in the practice area and then used once the two join forces. What I don’t get is why Aang’s part of the action scene has a defined visual style while Zuko’s delegated to a few stationary wide shots from afar as though he’s a tertiary goon, meaning that when the time comes to combine the respective pieces of cinema language and visually convey collaboration, there’s not really much to combine.
But as long as Zuko is stuck in this static mess, it’s that awesome disaster on his head flopping about that draws the eye, helping me understand that something even is going on over there.
It also prevents me from paying much attention to how the extras are mostly just staying put and a lot of the hits don’t land, so that’s good.
The music slaps
James Newton Howard is too good for this.
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Pls ignore that the word “gods” is used in the ATLA universe
I can’t be the only one who constantly uses this piece to daydream about writing specific fanfic scenes instead of, you know, actually sitting down and writing them. It’s just so good at communicating a sense of sorrow while speaking of rebirth that I find myself getting misty-eyed whenever I listen to it. Unfailingly, the soundtrack as a whole manages to break through the mile-thick crust of horrible acting, confusing writing, and uninspired cinematography and make me feel things. And considering how everything on screen is working against it, that’s no small feat.
Imagine what a powerful experience it would be if the score was used in service of an actual movie.
Dev Patel
No wonder since he’s the only one in the film occupying that crucial intersection between “is a good actor” and “was given something to work with”. It also doesn’t hurt that he breaks with the trend of actors starring in martial arts flicks despite never having done any martial art.
And all EIP-jokes about “stiff and humorless” aside, he’s a pretty decent Zuko considering how abridged this version of the character is. A while ago, I remember hearing a reviewer say that with his comedic chops, Patel should have been cast as Sokka. And on one hand, yes, god, absolutely, I need to see that asap. But on the other? He captures all layers of Book 1!Zuko, the desperate obsession, rage, and self-loathing, and at the same time gives you a peek at the soft momma’s boy dork that’s buried underneath. For Christ sakes, he exudes intensity and ambivalence even when acting against an emotionless hunk of wood that’s giving him nothing in return.
Oh, and I guess there’s a tree in the frame.
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Ba dum tss
What can I say, the guy’s good.
Showing vs telling
OK, so this movie is all tell and no show, except for one single moment. And it’s the exact moment where the original goes in the other direction in terms of how information is conveyed.
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See, I never liked this. The revelation is preceded by Iroh giving advice to Zuko who scolds him for nagging. Iroh then apologizes, moves in to say the line above, and is interrupted by Zuko who seems rather uncomfortable with Iroh laying his feelings out like this. And once they’re out, Zuko verbally confirms that he knew already and Iroh didn’t need to bother.
All this extraneous information and pussyfooting ends up weakening what should be a profound scene that reveals to us, the viewers, how deep the relationship between these two in fact runs.
Compare to the movie where Dadroh acts like a parent by fussing and worrying, with Sonion needing a single look to tell him and us that he understands what it’s all really about.
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It’s genuinely efficient and just good.
No Cataang
Fine, a bit mean-girl bitchy from me since I only start minding the ship in Book 3. And probably unintentional on the part of the creators since there are moments where I think they’re trying to set the romance up? There’s a, well, an attempt to recreate the famous introductory shot of fateful meaningful destiny of meaningness, there’s some slight note of saving each other’s bacon going on, I’m pretty sure they’re the only ones in the film who smile, and oh, right, Katara’s shoved into her post-canon useless role where she doesn’t ever do anything, and is all about Aang right from the get go.
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Yes, I will blame the “executive producers” because a) I’m incredibly petty, and b) it’s perfectly in line with their vision of the character so why the hell not.
Hilariously, none of it reads on screen because the actors are just... yeah. These poor kids are struggling so much with delivering their own lines and portraying their own characters they don’t seem to have any strength left to create something between them. To be fair, the bare-bones shot-reverse shot style of their scenes doesn’t exactly lend itself to the idea they occupy the same universe, let alone are friends or each other’s crushes.
And I enjoy this immensely because it allows me to forget the depressing horror show Katara’s life turns into post ATLA.
Yes Zutara
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I need to delve into this because it’s fucking hilarious. So in a movie which fails to establish the original’s central romance so spectacularly that if Aang got lost in a crowd I don’t believe Katara would notice, SomEOnE thought it’d be a good idea to add an utterly unnecessary non-canon moment where Zuko for some reason feels the need to pause his character-defining hunt for the Avatar which otherwise has him ignore everything and snap at everyone, and explain his central conflict to an unconscious peasant he doesn’t know, complete with gently pushing the hair from the pretty girl’s the soulmate’s the Water Tribe Ambassador’s the Fire Lady’s the love of his life’s her face away, AFTER his uncle nagged him twice to find a girl and settle down.
I just wanted to make sure we’re all on the same page and this is what we really saw.
Celibate Avatars
I have no idea why the decision was made, if TPTB thought expecting viewers to understand the story through the lens of Buddhism would be too much, or if the “executive producers” already worked their retconny magic. What I do know, however, is that there’s a big shift in worldbuilding and Aang’s struggle with his role as the Avatar stops being a personal conflict defined by a) his grief for Air Nomads, b) his notion of being robbed of the loved ones in his life, and c) the selfish attachment to Katara he confuses with true love. Instead, what he has a difficulty to accept is apparently a general notion of who Avatars are supposed to be, i.e. a fantasy version of Catholic monks, no family and worldly relations, period.
I guess either someone understood the original’s portrayal of de/attachment as “hermit no freaky”, or thought the audience would so why not go there outright.
Now, do I like this on its own? No, God no, it makes the world infinitely poorer and changes the story from an exploration of ideas which aren’t all that ingrained in the West, to a cliché tropester about a Catholic priest going Protestant so that he could be with a girl.
At least I assume that’s where they were going to take this eventually.
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I mean, I think the direction was “look conflicted, this isn’t the final stage of your journey”?
But consider this—the show went there, it built on the concepts of Eastern philosophy and touched upon the ideas of spiritual awakening, only to swerve in the end and strongly imply they’re bullshit and Aang should have never wasted his time with them.
So honestly, I much prefer scanty worldbuilding to an insulting retcon by a damn rock.
Multiracial Air Nomads
Probably the most substantial “no hint of irony” point on this list and a genuinely good addition to the universe’s worldbuilding.
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See, the notion of the elemental nations being perfectly separate and never mingling before Sozin has always been sketchy but it’s especially ridiculous in the case of airbenders. It never made sense to me for all airbenders to be Air Nomads and for all Air Nomads to be monks and for all monks to be chilling at the temples all the time to facilitate a quick everyone-dies genocide should an imperialistic warlord ever decide to commit one.
Because committing everyone to a single way of life at a handful of places kinda goes against the central philosophy behind airbending. Like the freedom and nomadism part.
Instead, there should be more variety to the airbending culture, with some staying at the temples as monks, hermits, and teachers while others live as nomads, travelling the world and creating more airbenders, with the resulting children in turn being influenced by the non-airbending cultures they grew up in.
And thus, not only should airbenders not be modeled after a single culture to create a one-size-fits-all lifestyle, but they should have the most diverse and dynamic culture out of the four nations.
And it’d be precisely this diversity which would pave way for an eventual reveal that some of them survived, that their complete extermination is impossible.
Because they’re everywhere.
You know.
Like air.
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yeahimaloser · a year ago
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Happy Birthday My Love
Hi everyone!
So I wanted to write some cute Keigo birthday fluff, so here you go!
Please read: in this one-shot, you and Keigo do have a kid, but I didn’t put any features of him. So it’s still all gender inclusive! Just wanted to put that out there!
No pronouns mentioned
Keigo loves his birthday, only because you make it so special. 
Enjoy!
Requests are open
….
Keigo sighed as he arrived home.
Today was his birthday, the only problem was, crime didn’t stop even on someone's birthday. Especially his.
He had been dealing with villains and hero reports all day; to say he was exhausted would be an understatement. 
He didn’t celebrate his birthday all that much. For him, he didn’t care all that much. His childhood birthdays were normally him with a slice of cake if he was lucky enough. Considering the fact that his mother barely had any time for him, and his father didn’t actually care about him, his birthday was never a day to look forward to. But, when he had met you, that had changed. You wanted him to enjoy his birthday. You wanted him to actually like it instead of just putting up with the day. Even if he just wanted to lay around the house and do nothing on his special day, you always made it entertaining. Always finding a way to lift his spirits on his birthday, it surprised him every year how much thought you put into the day. After you two had been blessed with your son, Keigo found that he genuinely started to appreciate the day. 
Whenever it was you or his son's birthday, he always found himself going all out for the event. For him, money was never an issue; if he had to spend a lot of it just to see his son's happy smile beaming up at him, it was worth it in his mind. As for you, any present that he thought you would like he wouldn't hesitate to grab it instantly, not even checking the price. You told him once how much you didn’t care about anything expensive, as long as it came from him. He told you in return how he loved seeing your shocked face whenever he got you something so outlandishly expensive. Perhaps he did spoil you two, but he always found it to be worth it. With his son, all he wanted to do was see him happy, to make sure his childhood was one of happy, enjoyable memories, he wanted to give his son the exact opposite kind of childhood he had. As for you, well, Keigo would admit he felt like a bad partner for having to leave you for missions. So, when it was your birthday, Keigo tried his best to show you how much you meant to him. It helped a lot that after he gave you his mountain of gifts, you would always cuddle up to him.
Yet, when it was his birthday, he couldn’t help but feel bad for you two. He would always admit he was a bit hard to shop for, and it didn’t make it any better that his birthday was near the holidays. He knew that finding presents were hard for you to find for him, he kept telling you how he really didn’t mind having any presents, as long as he got to spend some time with you and his son.
But he remembered what his son, Kyo, had said to him, “But Daddy, your presents are always so cool! So, we need to find you a cooler present!” Keigo just ruffled the boy’s hair, saying, “Anything from you two would be amazing, kiddo.”
He chuckled at the memory, he wished he could have spent more time with Kyo today. His son was one of the most important reasons he was still a hero. He loved coming home to see Kyo’s proud face whenever Keigo told him about a bad guy he had stopped, or how he saved helpless civilians. He just loved coming home from work to see Kyo’s smiling, proud face.
But, he also wished he could have spent more time with you too. Being a hero came with many perks, but the one that he loved the most was how pampered you made him feel when he came home tired and needy for some snuggles. You would always softly preen his wings, help him into some comfy clothes, and let him envelop you in a warm embrace. Some days, he would get especially needy; when he would get home on his needy days, he would immediately grab your hips, telling you how much he wanted your attention. Some days you would happily oblige him, others you would be too busy. But at the end of the day, you also wanted to cuddle up to your whiny bird of a man.
However, on his birthday, he got twice the service from you. After he would spend some time with both you and Kyo, and after, Kyo either goes to bed or decides to go to his room to play with his toys. Then, after he was tucked in, you offered Keigo a nice massage and some warm tea. After which, he always got major cuddles, from you playing with his hair to you lightly stroking his chest as you laid your head lightly on his shoulder. To be perfectly honest, the thing he loved most about his birthday was spending it with his family. 
So, Keigo unlocked the door to his house, still thinking about how much he wanted to be cuddled up with you.
He didn’t even take one step through his doorway till he was greeted with his son running up and hugging his leg, “Daddy! Your home! Happy birthday!” 
Keigo bent down, “Hey there kiddo! Thank you, Kyo, where’s-”
Before he could finish his sentence, he saw you walk into the room. Keigo wasn’t expecting you to be all dressed up, he did get home late, but he sure was not expecting to see you in a flour filled apron. 
There was some of the white powder, which he assumed to be some sort of baking ingredient, in your hair. Your apron looked like it had been washed out in the powder. Well, he surely wasn’t expecting to come home to see you like this.
He laughed lightly, walking over to you and lightly wiping it away, giving you a little kiss on your cheek in the process. 
“What’s all this for,” he couldn’t keep the laughter out of his voice. Before you could respond, Kyo cut in, “We made you dinner and a cake, Daddy! It was really fun, but we got flour everywhere.” 
You chuckled, “Yeah but we cleaned it up. Hey, Kyo? Can you do me a favor and show me how much of a big boy you are by setting up the table for daddy’s birthday dinner?”
Kyo nodded excitedly, being the son of the Hawks made him want to show how responsible he was. You and Keigo both knew he wanted to show you two how mature he could be, even though he was only 6. Kyo was a lot like Keigo in regards to how passionate he was, he wanted to show you two that he was a “big boy”. You both found it to be adorable.
As Kyo ran off to the kitchen, you turned back to Keigo. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, leaning into him more. Even if you had flour all over you, Keigo could care less. This whole day he was looking forward to holding you in his arms. He wasn’t about to let some powder get in the way of that. “Mmmm, how was your day honey,” he asked you. You chuckled against him, “I should be asking you that, it’s your birthday. I’m sorry, you probably had so much work to do, so,” you pulled away, making Keigo whine a bit, you rolled your eyes at him, “Kyo and I just want you to have a relaxing evening.”
He brought his hand up to cup your cheek lightly, smiling, “Baby, anything with you two will make my day.” 
You smirked, “Ok Mr. Sweet Talker,” just then, Kyo walked in, announcing that he was done preparing the table.
The three of you sat down and you pulled out the chicken to see Keigo’s hungry eyes stare at it.
“You two know me way too well.”
Dinner was spent with laughter and Keigo telling little Kyo stories about him beating up criminals, keeping everyone safe. Kyo looked at his father with admiration, he loved when Keigo would share his work stories. You too listened, just basking in your love’s presence.
Then, after Keigo had polished off his chicken, you brought out the cake.
“Daddy! I decorated it myself,” Kyo exclaimed proudly, Keigo couldn’t help but adore the look of excitement on his son's face. When you brought out the cake, he saw that it had a very crude drawing of him, Kyo, and you on the surface of the cake. It was obvious a child had drawn it, but Keigo thought it was amazing.
“You drew that?” he asked the boy, Kyo nodded back, excitedly. Keigo looked over at you to see you giggling. “Well, I didn’t know you could draw so well,” Keigo said excitedly. 
Kyo just giggled, “Come on Daddy cut the cake, I’m still hungry!”
He smiled, kissing Kyo on the forehead before cutting the cake. After Kyo had his slice, you two noticed that he had gotten sleepy.
“Kyo, honey,” you asked, “do you wanna go to bed? You look so tired.”
But Kyo shook his head, “No! It’s Daddy’s birthday! I wanna make his day really fun!”
Keigo just chuckled, patting his son's head lightly, “Buddy, you already made my day. You decorated my cake and helped make chicken for me. You already made my day perfect.”
Finally, you and Keigo convinced Kyo to go to sleep.
After the boy had gone to sleep, you decided to clean up. Keigo sat at the table, polishing off his cake. You decided to turn on some nice music while you finished cleaning, humming a bit to yourself; the whole thing was relaxing, normal even. The light scraping of Keigo trying to get every crumb of cake into his mouth.
“Careful there, Kei, you don’t wanna get a stomach ache,” you scolded lightly.
But Keigo just smirked, he stood up from his chair, making his way over to you. He let his hands drop to your hips, swaying you back and forth as romantic music played in the background. He placed his head in between the junction between your neck and shoulder blade. Still swaying with you, he lightly kissed your neck and shoulder, causing you to shudder. This was one of Keigo Takami’s charms, being able to romance you in any situation, how he did it you will never know. It’s like he always says, “I have a problem holding back sometimes.”
“Come on Dove, dance with me,” he whispered before kissing the shell of your ear.
 You giggled a bit, “Keigo, I have to finish cleaning.”
He just groaned into your neck, “Come on, I thought it was my birthday. Are you not gonna grant the man you love his birthday wish? That's a bit mean of you, baby.”
You turned back to him, making his hands go to your waist, still swaying you to the music. You placed your hands around his neck, pulling him in closer. 
He lived for moments like this, where you two were a normal couple: he wasn’t a hero, he wasn’t concerned about anyone's safety, he’s only concern was being with you, holding you to him. He wished moments like these would last forever, he wished he could hold you and Kyo as you three had relaxing days like these.
You rubbed your hands over his back, rubbing the sore muscles near his wings. He groaned as you did so, it was a relaxed kind of groan, as if he had been carrying all his stress on his back.
“Aww, you ok baby? Hard day flying,” you asked.
But Keigo just nuzzled his body closer to yours, swaying you back and forth, leaving a little kiss on your forehead, “I’m ok now that I’m home, honey. Thank you for today.”
You chuckled against him, “Thank you, Kei, but we didn’t even get you any presents.”
He pulled his face from your neck, “Who cares? I got to spend time with the two people I love, I couldn’t ask for a better birthday. I don’t need some fancy gifts or some sort of big party, just you and my son. The two people I love the most.” 
You smiled, leaning closer to him, he met you halfway, meshing his lips against yours. Still swaying you to the music, the kiss was playful, a cute tugging at your lips, a loving embrace you two shared.
It was all perfect. 
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babyfrogz · 2 years ago
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PSA on Disability: Before you draw/write/otherwise create content of Kaz Brekker
Hi there! My name is Scooter and I am, among other things, disabled, a cane user and a fan of Six of Crows! With the announcement of the TV cast (!!!!) I figured we’d get some new fans with it and I thought I’d share some tips/things to keep in mind to make content of Kaz accurate with regards to mobility aids & disability. I love you guys but some things I’ve seen in the SoC tags made me lose brain cells lol
First I’d like to share a short video on how to properly use a cane, since... a surprising amount of people get this wrong?
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Two major takeaways here:
A cane should reach the bottom of the hip, about crotch height. Any higher or lower reduces the effectiveness and can potentially cause further injury to the shoulder, elbow, etc.
When walking with a cane, you always hold it on the opposite side of the injured/weaker leg. I don’t think it’s ever said in the books which leg he broke, (personally I’m team left because ahaha I do that.mp4) but whichever you pick, the cane goes on the other side. When walking, if the injured leg is on the ground, so is the cane. Standing still, typically, the weight goes on the better leg and the cane is used for balance.
And some more notes, just from my experience with being disabled, using a cane and also consuming fan content:
Just.... for the love of everything do NOT be weird and fetishy about his disability/disabled characters in general. Didn’t think I’d have to write this one out, but if you spend enough time in the Grishaverse tags..... you see some shit. Stop It Please
A popular pose I’ve seen to draw Kaz in is with his cane in his hands/tucked under his arm/otherwise not on the ground. Not inherently an issue (unless... he’s walking...... literally what do you think it’s for you’re killing me here) but it just... doesn’t make a lot of sense? It’s not there for no reason. I feel like a lot of people, consciously or not, see his cane as a weapon first and a mobility aid second, and draw it as such. While Kaz weaponizing his cane is one of my favorite parts of the series, it’s important to keep in mind that drawing it swinging around without reason sets kind of a bummer tone for disabled people in this fanbase.
^ Plus the fact that canes made for actually bearing weight are pretty bulky, especially ones that are specially crafted with the ability to break bones. I think he tucks it under his arm in canon only once or twice, and still never for very long. I myself only ever hook my cane on my elbow when I need to use both hands, and only for about a minute or two at a time, during which I put my weight on my better leg.
Speaking of going without the cane: yes, it does happen. It doesn’t mean he’s less disabled or doesn’t need it. Remember that after being without his cane in the books, Kaz is shown to be fatigued and in pain. If you’re going to write him into a situation where he can’t take his cane going somewhere/to do something/whatever, don’t forget how it affects him.
One thing I love about the Six of Crows books is the little things about being disabled that I relate to on a VISCERAL level, which I attribute to the fact that Ms. Bardugo also knows what chronic pain and using a mobility aid is like. So in case you don’t know what it’s like, here’s a few things that will add a little bit of authenticity to your portrayal:
Stairs, and I absolutely can’t stress this enough, are the enemy. They suck they hurt and it’s so SO easy to accidentally stumble on. Which, you know, makes it that much funnier that Kaz has chosen to roost up three flights of them. (Side note: I can’t tell you the terrible things I would do to be able to read a fic where he has to begrudgingly bunk with Jesper because he can’t make it up to his own quarters on a particularly bad pain day. if anyone wants to write this please tag me I will literally love you forever) edit: my good buddy Jenn has written the fic in question and it’s pure gold please give it a read and uuhh like comment subscribe
It’s not very fun to be a cane user in the rain. Very slippery. 0/10 would prefer to not fall on my ass thank you. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON SNOW AND ICE
You don’t usually have anywhere to put a cane when you sit down or are otherwise occupied. Sure, you can hold onto it, but then you’re down a hand. Leaning it against something runs the risk of it falling down, which makes an INCREDIBLY LOUD NOISE and OFTEN HURTS TO BEND DOWN AND PICK UP AGAIN. life is pain
As mentioned above, when using a cane, you’re down a hand until you sit down again. (I’ve seen my fair share of fics where people forget Kaz doesn’t have three arms and have him do something that requires both hands while allegedly using his cane. do the math lol) You learn to make do with one (or ask for help but we all know how in character THAT is) but it’s still ANNOYINGGG
Maybe most importantly, don’t write him as the pitiful cripple. (Don’t put the word “cripple” in the mouths of characters you’re trying to portray as sympathetic, either. THAT INCLUDES YOURSELF) Kaz exists as a capable and badass AND disabled character, which is SUCH AN INCREDIBLE RARITY I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO TELL YOU!!! He clearly does not feel sorry for himself, so don’t you start doing it for him. (And if you write anything about magically healing his leg I will come to your house and whack your shins with my cane and make you reread the pages in CK where he shuts down that exact proposition, and I will make you read it over and over. don’t try me it will hurt) Yes, being disabled in a world built for abled people can be very frustrating, and it does carry a kind of grief with it. It’s okay to write him struggling, but please for the love of everything don’t make him pathetic.
Lastly, when in doubt: ASK! RESEARCH! (But mostly ask. Often times online resources on disability written by abled people, well intended as they are, come across as condescending. They’re good for factual information, but usually lack the actual experience of being disabled.) My inbox is always open for questions and I know I’m not the only cane user in the fanbase! (Please ask if questions are okay before asking a disabled person about their experiences, though!)
If you took the time to read all of this, thank you so much!!! I hope this post can become a good resource for creators, and if you’re also a cane user, feel free to add anything you think is worth sharing!
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oh-no-whoopsie · a year ago
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reasons I love kip!! (aka @ghostsingold) 
(making this post bc they deserve all the love and my meds have kicked in so im able to be productive today. thanks long-acting adderall!!) 
kip I love you for so many reasons and as I fill out college applications im gonna list them out <3 no special occasion its just! you make me happy and I wanted to share that with you and since I have a teeny blog no one will see this but you <3 
1.) this response to a post I made on my old blog. it was one of my first positive interactions on Tumblr and this tiny piece of writing made that entire week easier. it was a tiny start to a friendship and it was also a stranger caring for me, which at that time I didn’t think was possible. 
2.) every single time that they have been a part of the Brown Eye Stan Club and hyped up brown eyes,,,,dude I can’t you’ve been such a big part of the journey to accept my brown eyes. it means so much to me that you just? say it!! you’re proud of the fact you love brown eyes! hell yeah dude! thank you!
3a.) for sending me songs that remind you of me??? to have someone think of me?? MY HEART?? I- I can’t express how much it means to me I just,, hnnhhh you even made me a fucking playlist (which I listen to CONSTANTLY) (here is the playlist ) just. dude. I love you 
4.) one of those songs is Glitter & Gloss by Skott and 
          a) this song makes me feel like a fucking badass 
          b) made me feel so appreciated and loved because it was the first time someone had said “this song reminds me of you!” 
          c). when I was stalking your blog trying to find my old posts I found this post about that song and?? sunbeams through Spanish moss? trees? pretty?? is this how you see me?? im in love????? also this ask I sent you where you describe your love for the sun <3 the implication that I am even a little bit like the sun to you makes me wanna cry happiness 
5.) Your taste in music is SUPERB. IMPECCABLE. A DELIGHT. 
6.) Someday I will have the strength to do naniwrimo with you and that will be a glorious month (and next September we should be able to be writing buddies!!!!! because now I have meds for attention span so I can write again >:) ) 
7.) A long time ago (old blog) I asked for people to give me nicknames because I never got cute nicknames and because I could only ever insult myself. for the longest time I forgot what you said but I remembered!!!! it was birdie!!
          a). even though now most people call me doe cuz of bumblebee, you were the first person to reply to that post and just because milk suggested fawn/doe and it stuck doesn’t mean I love birdie any less 
          b.) it means a lot that you suggested it in the first place and while I was finding links for this post I came across this ask where you call me birdie :> p.s. you still mean a lot to me and I hope you’re okay <3 
8.) every single time you sent me a picture of a frog :),, also that one post about taking fake shots of water still sends me but I can’t find it to link it,, and also everything you listed on this post including the fact that it is inspired by my post
9.) when you agreed to talk to people for me when I was panicking thinking they were going to die but had to go to sleep. that means so much that you would take that role on and dude I am so so sorry I ever asked that of you. 
10). you made me find magic in the sunlight and not just the moonlight, you helped me find that balance and accept that piece of me and it sounds stupid but its really important ok also im just gonna say it: your voice is perfection it is comfort it is warm and all things good in this world. ive only heard you speak like twice but I could listen to you for the rest of my life
11.) sometimes you send me posts that r like “thinking of you!!” and THEY MAKE MY DAY omfg 
12.) when you drew me!!! 
          a.) bc holy shit you are an amazing artist if you let me I want to post that drawing of me on my blog
          b.) I was supposed to draw you in return I am sorry I did not,, I still plan on doing it tho 
          c.) we drew ourselves as fairies and that was pretty fun 
          d.) you made me see beauty in myself I- 
13.) for never once encouraging my ed or bad habits. you were ready to call me tf out and I appreciate that so much dude? you were never subtley pro you also seem ready to stab anyone who opposes you. hell you post callouts against pr0-ana shit and m**nspo and f*tspo and photoshop and all of it. I admire you so much 
14.) for letting me ramble on about hermes and offerings and spirituality! 
15.) for lighting a candle for Catherine and talking with me that night
(I have the entire conversation copied into a google doc on my phone because it needed to be saved. the things you said are beautiful. it is so touching and breathtaking and if I could hug you I would and  I promise not to forget if you won’t forget. )
16.) holy shit dude P O E T R Y, both for being so good at it and for reading mine. 
17.) helping validate my arospec questioning and enby questioning,,, it was actually through your blog that I realized oh shit! I might be aro!! and having someone to talk about gender issues and arospec stuff is SO AMAZING and I love you <3 and thank you for talking with me and for helping me and for validating me 
18) validating my anger!! or at least helping to do so! you point out when things are unfair! you genuinely want my life to improve! you helped me realize some of my friends are shitty! you helped me accept things! 
19.) I love your vibes. I can’t say this enough but somehow you are just so wonderful to me,,, you are amazing I can’t describe it. you are ethereal and terrific and your features could be anywhere from beautiful to cryptic to solid to handsome but I promise you that there is something unique about you. a bit of mystery and magic left over from the days when fairytales were real. you have all the power of the sun and light and fire in both the life giving and the destructive aspects. you are so perfect and wonderful thank you 
20.) because you told me “you do not deserve to be traumatized” and in all honesty that slapped me into reality. if i still had my old Tumblr I probably would’ve screenshotted it so I could get the exact quote but I do not know how to make you understand How Much That Helped me 
all in all,,,, I must end the list here because I need to go be productive. alas.there is more I didn’t even BEGIN to mention,,, but kip, you are my rae of sunshine. someday we are going to go be cryptic authors in Scotland who disappear into the woods, perhaps to hunt with the faeries, perhaps no, who knows. we will become part of the local lore,, independent and happy and spooky. 
I love you so much!  also sorry I went through your archive to find all this,,,, to be fair I already did it once to find my posts <3 
I would never say that just one person “saved me”. thats too big of a responsibility to share. but kip, you helped save me, in ways I can’t explain, from myself and from death and from an abyss of numbness. you saved me from a thousand tiny deaths and gave me a thousand new pieces of life and I would not be the person I am today without you. I love and appreciate you so much and you bring me sunlight and joy and peace and connection. you are a true friend to me. thank you for being here. you deserve the world and so much more. 
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andaleduardo · 2 years ago
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How to Break Your Heart and Make Sure It Stays Broken
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2. Send them your favorite songs through Bluetooth    
- Read on ao3
Summary:  12:28 a.m.
Spaghetti: It’s not gonna be weird today
Richie: absolutely
Spaghetti: We’re not gonna make it awkward
Richie: definitely not
Spaghetti: Yeah we got this
Everything is just fucking fine.
7th January 2011, Friday
10:30 a.m.
“Congratulations, you just called the best family in town. What can I help you with?”
“Hu-hey Richie.”
“Billy boy! Happy birthday, man!”
The sound of Bill’s chuckles turn into wind over the phone. “Thanks.”
“So, what’s up?”
“I wanted to check if you’re s-ss-still coming today?”
“Course I am, what time do you want me there?”
“Come around 3. It’s t-too cold to go out so we’re just guh-gonna stay in the attic.”
“Well alright, chap. I’ll be there.”
“And don’t forget my dad’s driving everyone home.”
Richie did, in fact, forget about that.
“Oh yeah, right.”
There’s a second of silence before Bill speaks again. “Are you okay? You huh-haven’t been online lately.”
“Just peachy. You know how it gets, holiday season, kinda busy ‘round here.”
Although Bill knows Richie usually spends the holidays with just his parents (small family’s downside) he doesn’t say anything.
“We’ll have s-some fun today, don’t worry.”
“Indeed we will. See you at 3, birthday boy.”
“See you, Rich.”
And he hangs up.
  12:28 a.m.
Spaghetti: It’s not gonna be weird today
Richie: absolutely
Spaghetti: We’re not gonna make it awkward
Richie: definitely not
Spaghetti: Yeah we got this
  Richie is absolutely exhausted.
The entire week was a failed attempt at learning how to deal with the situation.
Sleep is an utter joke with a mind that runs as if it’s training for a marathon. Looking at food makes him nauseous, not eating food makes him nauseous, but eating it makes it worse.
Perhaps it would help if he could untie the knot in his throat, but then again he can’t cry properly when his parents are always around and poking a head through his bedroom door.
He wants school to start, he doesn’t want school to start. He wants them to go back to work, he doesn’t want to be left alone with his feelings.
And on top of it all he knows he’s overreacting. Absolutely over-the-top reacting. He’s fifteen. It’s not like he knows love.
But doesn’t he?
It hurts and it’s love. It burns as it makes its way up his throat and it’s love. It was amazing while he kept his mouth shut and now everything seems to be falling on him and his chest is heavy and caving and hungrier than his stomach and he caused it and it’s love.
Unrequited love, if you will. A fancy word for a fucked up thing.
To top it off, Eddie doesn’t stop.
 January 1st, 3:45 p.m.
Spaghetti: I hate you
Spaghetti: No wait I don’t hate hate you
Spaghetti: But
Spaghetti: Ugh
Spaghetti: I’m gonna be thinking about this now!
Spaghetti: And I don’t want us to change
Spaghetti: Like, I said “I hate you” and I would never second guess that before but now I feel like I need to tell you “I don’t actually hate you” because
Spaghetti: Well
Spaghetti: I don’t know why
Richie: sorry
Spaghetti: !
Spaghetti: Stop apologizing
Richie: … i really wanna say sorry again
Spaghetti: I don’t blame you
Spaghetti: It’s not like we control our feelings
 Damn right, they don’t. Richie isn’t sure how to answer that, so he doesn’t. But Eddie brings it up again one day later.
 January 2nd, 9:10 p.m.
Spaghetti: I think I kinda knew
Richie: ??? are u serious
Spaghetti: Well yeah
Richie: am I that predictable?
Spaghetti: You’re the least predictable person in the whole world Richie
Spaghetti: Except with the mom jokes
Spaghetti: I can always see those coming
Richie: yet you walk right onto them every time
Spaghetti: Fuck you.
Spaghetti: It’s just that the others aren’t that subtle
Richie: the losers?
Spaghetti: Yeah they try too hard
Spaghetti: Tease us a lot for being close and saying things and leaving us alone everywhere
Spaghetti: Guess I kinda wondered why they did that if they didn’t know something I didn’t
Richie: uh, they kinda don’t tho
Richie: at least I never told them
Spaghetti: Wait really?
Richie: maybe they’re just bored?
Spaghetti: Oh
Spaghetti: Maybe
 It’s only been a week so far (the longest week of Richie’s life) and Eddie texts him every day with the same topic. This, as predicted, isn’t helping the situation much.
It’s Tuesday. There’s Richie, staring at his cereal while Maggie studies him from the other side of the table and surprise, a brand new text from Eddie.
It’s Wednesday. There’s Richie, staring at the news channel because he forgot to press the button on the tv remote when he sat down on the couch 6 minutes ago. And then there’s his dad, looking at him from his vintage recliner and coming up with ten different ways to start a conversation without actually starting one. The phone’s screen lights up with against his leg with a new notification. Yes, from Eddie.
Finally, it’s Friday. Out of habit, Richie leaves the phone on the bathroom countertop as he showers. It takes a lot of self-control not to pull all his hair out while washing it when the phone vibrates against the counter. Once, then twice, then thrice. And so on to make up the total of 9 new messages.
Thank God he doesn’t walk out of the shower right then to check them out of curiosity, because 10 minutes later he’s sitting on the toilet seat and staring at “I hate you” for so long his mom actually knocks on the door and asks if he died in there.
He didn’t die in there, he’s just crying. Buy hey, mom, that’s the dream!
All the messages fall in the same lines. Eddie doesn’t want this to be awkward. He doesn’t want this to be weird. He doesn’t want anything to change.
Logically, Richie draws conclusions. He fucked up big, ruined them forever and now everything is inconvenient for Eddie. It’s not that hard to get it after six variations of:
 ‘You’re not gonna be different around me now right?’
 How can he not be different around Eddie now?
What if their knees touch and Eddie thinks it’s on purpose? What if Richie smiles in his direction and Eddie takes it as flirting? Christ. Richie doesn’t even know how to flirt! Should he sit far away from him now? Should he sit by his side like always and have Eddie think he’s doing it out of interest?
Richie didn’t just make everything inconvenient for Eddie, he made everything inconvenient for himself, too.
However, it’s Bill’s birthday, and that’s more important than a broken heart.
  5:48 p.m.
 “You’re cheating!” Everyone jumps on their seats when Stan shouts and slams his hand on the coffee table. It sends all the plastic houses on the monopoly board in different directions.
“What? No I’m not!” Bev defends herself.
“Nah.” Mike crosses his arms. “I don’t believe that.”
“You don’t believe she’s cheating?” Stan angrily inquires.
“I don’t believe she’s not cheating.” Says Mike.
“I am not fucking cheating, you guys are just awful at managing money.”
Stan’s chin drops in her direction. “You- I manage money wonderfully, thank you very much-”
While the arguing continues, Ben takes his time putting all the houses back on their places. Bill tries to make them stop fighting while Mike destroys all those attempts by teaming up with Bev and Stan alternately. Eddie furiously counts and recounts his money, being the one closest to bankrupt. And Richie silently organizes the contents of the bank. He doesn’t like monopoly that much.
“Maybe our bank over there has something to do with this?” Richie feels everyone’s eyes on him so he looks up at Mike from above his glasses.
“How could you ever think such things about me, Mikey?” He dramatically puts down the stack of property cards he had been sorting. “I do nothing but humble work for this community and this is how I’m treated. Unbelievable.”
“Richie, I swear.” Stan glares at him. “You won’t make me lose, even if you cheat.”
“How can I be cheating? I’m not even playing.”
“You’re passing Bev extra money!”
“Geez.” Eddie moans in annoyance. “We forgot Stan gets off on Monopoly.”
At that, Richie barks out a laugh, unable to keep it in but still trying to by slapping a hand over his mouth.
“Okay, fine.” Stan crosses his arms. “I wasn’t even the one suggesting this game, I voted for scrabble.”
“Oh, so the only other game you get off on?” Surprisingly, it slips from Richie’s mouth. He wasn’t at all expecting jokes to be coming from him today.
It’s just wonderfully entertaining to piss off Stan. At this point, the boy’s gotten himself so worked up that his whole face is pink.
“I’m going to shove birthday cake up your a-”
“-Wow! Okay let’s all chill.” Ben kindly tries to stop them.
Richie lifts up a hand full of fake-cash and makes a jerking off motion with the other, which finally triggers Stan into motion. He manages to jump away from the table on the exact moment Stan reaches over to try and jam his hand on his weakest spot, the armpits. But in the process, his knees collide with the bottom of the coffee table and all the board pieces end up flying everywhere. Again.
Ben throws his hands up. “Thank you so very much for that.”
“We will never f-ffinish a monopoly game…”
  6:23 p.m.
“How about Uno?” Ben suggests. “You can’t cheat at Uno, right?”
After being chased by Stan around the attic everyone ended up scattered around, staring at the ceiling and discussing which game to play next. So far it’s been twenty minutes of quiet chatting.
“You can grab three cards when you get a plus four.” Richie offers. “You can also slide in a six while playing some nines, might get lucky.”
There’s a brief second of silence and contemplation.
“How you can turn Uno into a sex joke still amazes me.” Eddie frowns at the ceiling.
Richie shrugs. “I’m pretty amazing overall.” Sweat pools up on the back of his neck with the effort of trying to sound so nonchalant. Richie wants to scream at the normality of his afternoon. Why does life keep going when you’re dealing with heartache? Isn’t the world supposed to stop spinning after you get friendzoned? Show a little compassion, earth.
“I still can’t believe your mom let you keep the phone.”
At Mike’s words, Eddie flops around on his bean bag, looking like a hanged potato sack. “Right? Didn’t see that coming, either.”
“Does she really go through it, though?”
Recently, Eddie’s contact list was updated to include everyone. His mom complained that he didn’t need to be in contact with “those friends” of his any more than he already does. She’s obviously wrong.
Eddie groans in agreement. “She keeps finding the lamest excuses until I give it to her. Then she checks whatever it is she wants and gives it back.”
A wave of fear passes through Richie. Almost on cue, Eddie steals a glance at him and adds. “But I archive the stuff she doesn’t need to read. And I keep Facebook as a hidden app.” Proud of his schemes, he smirks to himself.
Richie sinks back on his bean bag, slightly relieved. The past week of awful sleep is weighting him down, tying him to his worst and holding him back from pretending to be okay a little better. With time, he hopes to learn how to put this behind his back, but right now, Eddie is right in front of him.
“Hey, by the way. Can any of you tell me how to download songs?” The boy at matter asks.
“You know thu-that’s illegal, r-right?”
“Oh.” For a moment, he stares at Bill with a conflicted expression. “Well, I still want my music.”
“Richie, don’t you have a fuck ton of songs downloaded?”
“Yup. Illegal downloads are my number one occupation, Marsh.” Then, he gets it. “Oh, you’re right. Eds, turn Bluetooth on.”
He regrets saying ‘Eds’ oh so quickly, overly nervous that he isn’t allowed to say it anymore. Not that he was ever allowed to say it before, if the way Eddie complains about it 90% of the time means anything. Quickly, Richie spirals into thoughts of their bickering coming to an end, or even worse, becoming one sided and sad if one of them doesn’t feed into it. That would leave the other one hanging, and Richie was already left hanging, Richie is still hanging and he will be hanging on these feelings, on this rejection, for life. That’s what he has to accept, that he loves the only person in the world he could ever love and they don’t love him back. That his future seems sad from the present. That Eddie might drift away when he realizes they can’t mess around like best friends anymore, even if he had said he wouldn’t do that and it wouldn’t happen. But what if he does? What if it happens? Where does that leave him? What is he supposed to-
“Don’t call me that, asshole. And how the fuck do I do that?”
Oh.
The way Eddie speaks drips of familiarity. Just the way it always was with them, just the way it will always be. Richie can’t decide if that’s good or bad, but it pulls him together enough to talk.
“See that weird looking B icon up there?” He waits for Eddie’s answer but the other boy is looking at his phone as if he could catch it on fire with just his eyes.
Richie bites the inside of his cheek, breathes in some bravery and pushes himself up from the bean bag.
“Here,” he walks over and crouches down at Eddie’s side, quickly opening the Bluetooth settings and pairing up their phones while paying too much attention to the space between their hands. Just to make sure they don’t touch. “Do you wanna pick out the songs you want?” He starts giving his phone to Eddie but gets a headshake in return.
“Uh no, that’s fine.” Eddie says, turning his head and therefore putting their faces incredibly close. Richie barely catches himself from falling on his butt right there, and Eddie leans away quickly, obviously not meaning to cause any of this. “I- uh, just chose the ones you think I’d like.”
Richie nods stupidly and rushes back to his seat. While he goes through his music library and picks off songs, all he can think about is ‘This is so hard, too hard, way more difficult than I could possibly imagine and I don’t know if I can go about my life pretending everything is fine when it all feels anything but that.’
“How about Ludo? There’s no way you can cheat at that…”
Simply as if a switch was flipped, Richie multitasks and answers Ben by listing off all the possible ways to cheat at Ludo.
And to the outsider eyes, everything is just fine.
Everything is fine as they order pizza and Richie and Eddie have to ask each other if they can still share their regular favorite, olive and pepperoni. Everything is fine while conversation flows at dinner, except Richie puts his half of the pizza on a plate instead of sharing the box between their laps, and Eddie doesn’t question it. Everything is fine as everyone watches a movie after, and there’s no one to lean his head on Richie’s shoulder, or jab an elbow in his arm when they itch to comment certain scenes.
Then Bill’s dad comes upstairs to remind them it’s time to drive everyone home. And for the first time in his life, Richie is thrilled to hear those words.
On their way home, Eddie sits in the back, earphones plugging his ears deaf to his surroundings. Richie wonders if he should have left out all the love songs, now it’s too late for that. But it’s fine, right?
Everything is just fucking fine.
 perma taglist: @constantreaderfool   @mrs-vh  @eds-trashmouth @girasol-eddie  @reddieforlove @madi-personal  @cheekaspbrak
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am-stories · a year ago
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Introduction to My WIP’s (pls forgive i suck at explaining ideas)
Eradicate: This is the story this blog was initially for but then I kept getting ideas for other stories. This is also my longest running WIP -- I started this story when I was THIRTEEN! This will be the sixth year of me working on it, due to constant procrastination and restarting, plus the fact that I gave up on it for a full year once. Over the years, I’ve been struggling to figure out if this story would be better suited as a novel, graphic novel, web comic, etc. I still haven’t truly decided.
When an illness starts to rapidly spread across the world, causing humans to lose their ability to function normally and attack each other (cough zombies cough), major cities are forced into quarantine. The quarantined cities are relatively safe, so long as you’re of some importance, but when a homeless shelter is ignored in their times of need, the survivors in the shelter decide to escape the quarantine zone, unaware of just how much worse it is on the outside. The survivors of the homeless shelter stick together, trying to learn the ways of the new world and trying to find what they were unable to before the world ended; a home.
The Outskirts of Life: This story I’ve been struggling to figure out, but it means a lot to me. The idea for this story came early this year, while I was in college. I was going through a bout of depression. One of the worst ones I’ve had in years. Basically because I felt all alone at college and I was constantly exhausted due to the fact that I was studying at a private university, and paying for it by myself, and working on the school play every night. I was even having suicidal thoughts during this time. I remember just being at work, exhausted and in desperate need of a break, and suddenly this idea came to me and I instantly felt lighter. I don’t know if it was because I had no time to draw or write anymore or what, but I just felt so much better and excited by the idea of creating again. And that night, I thought about ideas for the story all day at work and then rushed to my dorm to write it down.
This is a story about a city, and a girl within the city. The city would be called “Life,” probably in a different language so the metaphor is less obvious. This girl is struggling with depression when she meets another lost soul. They become friends and this person tells the girl to meet her on the outskirts of the city. When they go there, the girl finds out she can leave the city, which is something she didn’t realize she could do because it was so unheard of. At first the girl is against the idea of leaving, but then she feels compelled to see what the outskirts have to offer. She learns that past the outskirts, it can feel freeing at first, but the longer people stay there, the darker and scarier it becomes. I still have a LOT of figuring out to do with this story, especially with how to execute it without romanticizing mental illness or suicide. But I want it to ultimately be about her learning to embrace Life, even if it does seem hopeless and mediocre at times.
Marnie and the Chosen Ones: I haven’t read or seen The Babysitter’s Club, but for some reason I feel like these would be sorta similar. This story hasn’t really been fleshed out at all, but it’s something that I’m interested in writing for myself. Basically because I didn’t get to have an experience like this in my high school and I think it would have been so beneficial for me.
Marnie is a young person in high school and she decides that she wants to form a Gender-Sexuality Alliance (GSA) so that she can feel less alone, and educate other students in her school. The club starts out scarce and they have to go through hurdles, such as bullying from other students and faculty forcing them to censor themselves. Within the club, the members form a new family and learn that real love is unconditional.
Unnamed Idea #1: This idea came from a dream oops. I actually kinda see this story not in the form of a novel, but maybe as an RPG Maker game. (If you don’t know what that is, maybe you’ve heard of Ib, Mad Father, The Witch’s House? Those are still some of my favorite games ever.) I’ve always wanted to make an RPG Maker game but didn’t have the means to. I may splurge and buy the program one day but for now I’ll just write what i have in mind for it. c:
This story is about Ana Kumari and a few other lost souls. (I’ve said lost souls twice now... oh well) Ana has just moved to a new city for her partner’s job. She tries to be optimistic about life, but she feels it’s just... lackluster. Her relationship, job, family life, apartment all just feel mediocre to her. This feeling becomes more and more overwhelming because her 30′th birthday is coming up and she feels as though she hasn’t made any impact on the world around her. One day, she notices Christmas decorations being put up. She urges her partner to come see them with her, but they refuse so she decides to go anyways. Along the way, she notices someone drop a device. She tries to return it to them, but after chasing them, she finds herself lost. She becomes trapped somewhere, seemingly underground, with strange threats around every corner. Overtime, as she tries to find her way out, she meets others trapped in there and discovers that the device leads you to your greatest desires. Not until each person trapped inside figures out their greatest desire will they be able to escape.
Unnamed Idea #2: I literally got this idea from a dream I had LAST NIGHT but I lied in bed contemplating ideas for it for two hours afterwards so I’m gonna include it. c: Although I think this dream was inspired by the tiktok soulmate trend thing so if I ever wrote this it would probably not be something I try to get published. But that’s okay, I think it’d be fun to write. c: 
In a time of war, many people never get to meet their soulmates. If they do, they don’t always get much time with them. On each person’s 18th birthday, a birthmark appears somewhere on their body. Their soulmate gets the same exact mark, in the same exact area, on their birthday as well. Two women meet and quickly become friends. One of them has already received her mark, and the other’s birthday is in a few weeks from the start of the story. They instantly gravitate towards each other, like most soul mates do when they first meet, but this confuses them because all their lives they were told same-sex soulmates didn’t exist. After a bit of suppressing their feelings, they both accept that they have feelings for one another. The younger one is almost certain that her mark will match the older one’s. But the older girl’s almost certain they won’t match despite their intense feelings for one another. One day, the older girl goes to meet her lover, only to find that her house is empty. She’s devastated until she gets a letter in the mail. Her family had to leave because her brother had been drafted for the war. The end of the letter only says “Find me.” The older girl decides that even if they are not soulmates, what they have is worth the heartbreak. So despite her fears, she gets ready for the road trip to find the love of her life again.
Aaanddd that’s it right now. C: 
This is honestly scary, but I’m proud of myself. Eradicate is the only story I’ve told people about in any detail, and that’s always been online. This is also online but... It’s progress! :D 
Many All of the ideas need a LOT of work, as most of them are still in the very early stages of existing. But I’m excited to do that work. c:
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ohnohetaliasues · 2 years ago
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Tokyo OC (Setsuna Miyuu)
(Kat)
So, an anon sent me a note about this OC, and I found her almost immediately on Hetalia Fan Characters Wiki. Let’s get into it.
I made a Tokyo OC a while ago, so this should be interesting.
Tokyo (東京 Tokyo) is the capital city of Japan in the series Hetalia: Axis Powers. She is sometimes referred to as Tokyo Metropolis (東京都 Tokyo-to). Her human name is Miyuu Setsuna (刹那 美夢ー Setsuna Miyuu).
Okay, so both Miyuu (more commonly spelled as Miyu) and Setsuna are first names.
Also I read the Kanji for ‘Miyuu’ as ‘Mimu’ so there’s that.
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This looks like a Love Live character.
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Okay, so as cute as this chibi is, I think this character is a bit whitewashed. She looks Caucasian as opposed to Japan, who does look Asian for the most part.
Name: Tokyo Metropolis (東京都) Human Name: Miyuu Setsuna (刹那 美夢ー Setsuna Miyuu) Alternative Spelling(s): N/A Age: 16
No.
Too young.
Tokyo was originally called Edo, and Edo castle was built in 1457, then became the center of Tokugawa Ieyasu’s military government in 1603. She would be a little older than 16.
Gender: Female Birthday: February 10th
This date has nothing to do with Tokyo’s history.  You could try May 1st, which is the day Tokyo was established as a city.
Hair Color: Caramel Brown (manga), Caramel Brown (anime) Eye Color: Maroon (manga), Cherry Red (anime)
Seeing as none of the countries have abnormally colored hair and that they physically cannot dye their hair, this is not normal because Japanese people typically don’t have red hair. They have dark hair.
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Case in point.
Height: 145 cm
Why in fresh hell is she 4′7″? The average height of a Japanese woman is around 5′2″ or so.
Appearance
Tokyo, Japan
She has brown hair that reaches a few inches below her shoulders and a P-shaped curl on the middle of her head.
Does this represent anything?
Her hair is wavy and some of it on the side also curls inward. This was from the effect of having to tie her hair up too often when she was a child.
No. This isn’t how hair works. I tie my hair up plenty and it doesn’t leave a permanent dent, even if my hair is naturally curly.
Despite this, Tokyo's original hair color is actually black.
Like I said, countries cannot dye their hair, so this is not plausible. Leave her hair as black if you wanna stay accurate.
In her first appearance as a character, she wore an above-the-knee black yukata with a reddish-pink sash and a bell at the side. However, when she grew up with Japan, she is seen wearing a seemingly military-type set of clotes with gold linings and black accents.
She would still wear pants and not a skirt because wearing a skirt as a military uniform in combat would be really silly.
Her left boot is noticeably shorter than the right.
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Is there a practical reason for this?
As a child, she wore a white kimono that looked big and loose on her. Her hair was styled like two triangular-shaped buns that looked like riceballs.
A white kimono?
From what I know about kimonos, you don’t wear white kimonos unless you’re getting married. Other than that, white kimonos are only ever worn under the actual kimonos and are called nagajuban.
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Personality and Interests
Though described as determined and strong-willed, Tokyo doesn't know much of other nations. She tends to be rather shy and gentle to strangers, sometimes acting nervous like she would make a mistake.
Tokyo has the best metropolitan economy in the world, so I’d imagine she’d be generally pretty outgoing. She’d talk to others in a business-like manner because of this, possibly. My own Tokyo OC is afraid of explosives because of the bombings that took place in Tokyo and she is also careful with what she spends because of the economy thing.
Despite this, Tokyo shows a more outgoing and cheerful side to the nations or capitals she's already a bit close to.
Tokyo secretly likes making robots but she doesn't usually reveal her inventions to the other nations or capitals, only to Japan.
I mean, Japanese electronics are pretty common, so I find this silly.
She has a verbal mannerism to say 'ryuun' just like the way China says 'aru'.
Is there an actual reason for this?
Tokyo was relatively quiet and timid as a child. There showed one time when she kicked Susanoo square on the face for eating her sushi, showing that she was quite aggresive.
Who in the hell is Susanoo?
Relationships
Japan
When she was a child, Tokyo lived in Japan's house at a separate room and only went outside to eat a snack or use the bathroom. Eventually, she started to open up more when the other nations China, America and England started visiting Japan. This lead to her meeting Washington and London and seeing her childhood friend Beijing again.
Um.
No.
Holland was the first to visit Japan after he closed his boarders for nearly 263 years, and I’m concerned that he’s not mentioned. I mean, sure America arrived around 1853.
Also, why Washington? It isn’t inaccurate since Japan sent cherry trees to plant along the Potomac River in 1910, but that was 57 years after the boarders opened again.
Okay, did this person even do their research?
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China
Main Article: China
China took control of Japan when he was a kid. Before being Japan's capital, she secretly followed him. When China found out about her, she was forced to work as a servant.
N O.
NO.
NO.
Okay no.
China never formally occupied Japan, at least not as far as I know. They were connected politically, but China never actually totally controlled Japan.
However, during WWII Japan did actually occupy some of China’s land.
Do your goddamn research.
Beijing
When Tokyo became China's servant, she met Beijing. Beijing introduced himself as her boss, being China's capital, and often made fun of her and made her work twice as usual.
One time when Beijing asked for Tokyo to cook siopao for him, Tokyo screwed the dish and made Beijing throw up. Since then, he never asked her to cook for him.
This is irrelevant since this was never a thing.
Germany
When Japan became part of the Axis, Tokyo had an opportunity to meet Germany. There is not much known about there relationship, save for the fact that Tokyo dubbed him as a "respectable person".
Uh, okay.
Berlin
Berlin met Tokyo through Germany. They became friends and often shared thoughts, only about war and fighting. Tokyo stated that Berlin was "a person to go to when you're in trouble", contrasting the fact that other nations avoid Germany when they have trouble.
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This is irrelevant.
Paris
When Paris went to a vacation in Japan, she met Tokyo and made friends with her. She thinks that Tokyo is her little sister and loves going shopping with her. Paris likes her a lot and is the reason why Tokyo has a lot of "weird" clothes. Despite this, Tokyo hates shopping and going to places with crowds.
Okay, no. Tokyo is a giant city. She would have to be pretty used to crowds and shopping since Tokyo has many markets and shopping districts.
I might even say she would like things like this.
Italy
Italy met Tokyo when he was running away from Germany. Tokyo introduced herself while Italy forgot about being chased.
???
Italy said that Tokyo was like a kid by the way she looks and sometimes calls her "sorellina".
Um. Okay.
Rome
Rome and Tokyo hang out as much as Italy and Japan. They are shown to have good relations with each other as Rome feels that he can trust Tokyo to tell about his problems. Rome often asks Tokyo for tips on how to woo women but it eventually turns out to a disaster since Tokyo doesn't know much about "wooing".
South Italy (Romano)
Tokyo and Romano don't have a good relationship. When the two met, Tokyo was dressed up as a boy so Romano didn't recognized her as a woman. The two bumped into each other and Romano cursed at her, still not knowing her actual gender.
Tokyo's gender was only revealed to Romano when Tokyo went with Japan to look for Italy. But since then, Romano's harsh attitude still hasn't changed towards her.
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WHY ARE EITHER OF THESE RELEVANT?
London
Yes. This is accurate. London and Tokyo have a partnership agreement. They even have universities which are connected.
Tokyo and London are close friends just as Japan and England are.
But that’s not why they could be friends.
They met from London being introduced by Japan and since then they have been good friends.
No.
London and Tokyo both enjoy having conversations about anime or about who they ship. Due to London being honest with her opininon Tokyo is always able to confide in her.
Don’t trick me into thinking you did your research when you didn’t.
Name
The exact inspiration behind her human name was from the Japanese word "setsuna"
Japanese name, you mean. But yes, also a word.
which means "in a split second" and "miyu" meaning "beauty" or "dream". This in total gives her name a meaning of "beauty in a split second" or "dream in a split second".
And, my dear readers, this has nothing at all to do with the city of Tokyo.
Discussing further, it is known that Tokyo has a hobby of drawing scenes or events that happen in her dreams. She does this first thing in the morning or whenever she wakes up from sleep. It is revealed that she keeps a pencil and a sketchpad underneath her pillow which she calls her "dream board".
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Okay, but this is again, irrelevant. Characters are allowed to have their quirks and hobbies, but with Hetalia OCs, you have to be careful of giving them totally unrelated hobbies.
Character Songs
Marukaite Chikyuu
Hatafutte Parade
Mawaru Chikyuu Rondo
There are no links even on the wiki page, so I guess those are useless.
Trivia
When the Axis celebrated Tokyo's birthday on February 10th by buying her cake, she ate it all without sharing which lead to the fact that Tokyo loves confections. She said sorry after not giving the others the food.
Alright, I guess.
In a comic strip, Beijing mumbled to himself in his room that, "I'm gonna be her boss so we'll finally meet so she can notice me," revealing that Beijing was quite lonely and only wanted Tokyo as a playmate and not actually a servant.
What comic strip? Is this person just pretending Himariya wrote their characters in? I’m confused.
China once called for Tokyo and Japan and looked at them in their eyes. He stated that their eyes looked dull and same but had a different hue.
China just called Japan and Tokyo to look at their eyes? Doesn’t he have better things to do with his time?
Okay, so all that is left is a bunch of art in the gallery, but I don’t know how much of it is stolen and how much of it isn’t, so I’ll just leave it where it is.
Anyway, this OC needs research. Look up information about Tokyo’s history, about Japan’s history. Surprisingly, that video on YouTube, ‘History Of Japan,’ that’s actually a usable source, as silly as it is.
Anyway, I’ll see you guys later. Thanks for recommending this character to me, Anon!
~Kat
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loki-hargreeves · 2 years ago
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Loki x Reader - You’re a Monster! [PART 5]
Warnings: vulgar language, attempted sexual assault/murder, violence, gore, death/murder, angst Word Count: 4,9K Author’s Note: This chapter is quite gruesome. If you can’t handle that, please don’t read. I don’t want to upset anyone! 
[PART 4] [PART 6] 
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Third POV
It had been a few days since the mess between Loki and Brunnhilde. Y/N had miraculously made them stop trying to kill each other and it had worked. Unfortunately, Brunnhilde hadn’t been around much since. It was yet another reminder to Y/N that this wasn’t something she could brush under the rug. They were on a serious mission and it was possible Asgard’s future were in their hands.
The only good thing that came out of it was Brunnhilde’s lifted motivation. Sure, she was angry at Loki for making her relive her agonizing past, but she also realized just how deeply she wanted revenge.
Loki and Y/N had been flying around Sakaar, mingling with guards to find out about the security in the tower and they’ve even managed to have an alright time together. Each time they got a bit too comfortable, Y/N would freeze and then all their progress would vanish. It’s like whenever she allowed herself to be happy, she would feel tremendous guilt over it and show it to the outside world as anger. Loki wasn’t dumb, he saw that pattern very soon. It made him sick in his stomach. Had she been like that for all those years? Was it all his fault?
It was past sunset, but the party was just starting on Sakaar. Loki and Y/N returned from a little flying tour to the apartment, surprised to see a letter on the floor. Y/N picked it up and read it silently, her lips curving into a smile as she learnt what it was all about. Loki caught a glimpse of her smile, so he wasn’t worried about the content of the letter.
“Duty’s calling, Loki!” Y/N informed almost happily.
“Oh?” Loki raised his eyebrow curiously.
Y/N showed him the letter. “We’re invited to a party in the tower. And it’s not on the common floor, it’s in the ship hall!” Y/N declared excitedly. It was almost too good to be true!
Loki didn’t trust the invitation one bit, but he didn’t want to drag her joy down immediately. They could go but he already knew he’d stay sober and cautious. If things seemed too good, they usually were. “Perhaps the Grandmaster took our hint?” Loki faked a smile. Just like that, they were on the go once again. The only difference was the nasty feeling Loki had about it all. Could the Grandmaster really trust them enough to host a party in the hall they so desperately wanted to know more about? Was it a trap? There was only one way to find out.
              Y/N and Loki were dressed in fancy clothing, fit to the occasion as they arrived at the tower again. So far, so good, Loki thought. People were gathered around the entrance, desperate to come in as Y/N and Loki slipped past them. After all, they were VIP guests. A guard took them through the complex building and let them inside the party. Just as promised, there was a big fest in the hall. Some ships had open doors and the music echoed well in the large area. There were loads of colourful dresses, drinks and other things you’d find at a party. The place smelled like a mixture of alcohol and drugs, some food too but it wasn’t as overpowering. To the blue eye, it seemed completely harmless.
As they walked further inside together, Loki noticed that the orgy ship was occupied. He didn’t have to think twice to know this was a that kind of a party. They had to wash away all suspicion off them before they could get into action. It was easy, really. They talked to other guests and drank drink by drink. Loki abandoned almost full glasses to make it seem he drank more than he really did. Y/N did the exact opposite. Before they knew it, she was drunk. Apparently, learning how to drink was easy on Sakaar.
“So, what’s the plan?” Y/N batted her eyelashes at strangers while speaking to Loki. She handed him a glass of sparkling champagne and took one for herself as well. They cheered and took sips, Loki barely touching the drink with his lips. The nasty feeling didn’t go away.
He looked at her and took a deep breath. Although Loki had promised not to think about her like that, he couldn’t help it. Seeing her in a tight, green dress was almost too much. Her legs were on display and she swayed her hips gracefully with each step. What was she hiding? Could her secret be the reason he felt so bad? Or was it his guilty conscience eating him up? “I suppose we should get inside the big ship. If we can see the interior and how the system operates, it could give us a head start on the big day itself.”
“That’s true. Okay, let’s find someone who could give us a little tour, alright?” Y/N spoke as she already walked towards the nearest guard. Loki followed her closely and looked around them, keeping his eyes open for anyone who stared. Right now, he didn’t trust anyone.
Y/N found a guard who happily spoke to her, almost too happily to Loki’s liking. “Is there a chance you could show me around the big one? I heard there’s amazing party music on each ship!” Y/N put on her act which never ceased to impress Loki. By speaking with a higher voice, Y/N could fool just about anyone. Loki didn’t like the idea of her going in by herself, but he knew he had to trust her. Perhaps, it would seem less suspicious if they weren’t everywhere together?
The guard took off his helmet and revealed a happy face. He had bright yellow eyes, but otherwise, he could pass as an Asgardian with that soft, brown hair and clear skin. “Sure. Follow me, will you?” He agreed to Y/N’s wishes and just like that, they got inside. Loki took a deep breath, attempting to calm down as he watched them disappear. Please stay safe, Y/N, he thought and then turned on his heel. He needed a distraction now.
He saw hundreds of people all around him, but no one caught his interest. It wasn’t until he saw the Grandmaster that he decided to go up to chat. “Well if it isn’t my favourite Trickster!” The Grandmaster seemed happy to see Loki.
“In flesh and bone,” Loki gave the old man a deceiving smile.
Loki noticed he was looking around them, as if he was searching for someone. “Where’s Y/N? I don’t think I’ve seen you alone yet, it’s uh, definitely a new experience.”
Of course, he would wonder about Y/N’s whereabouts. “She walked off with someone, I think she mentioned something about a drink. I’m sure she’ll come around soon,” Loki came up with a lie. He didn’t need any confirmation on his lying skills, but he didn’t mind the relief that followed when the Grandmaster believed him.
En Dwi put his hand on Loki’s waist and led Loki away from the spot they were standing on, taking him towards a couch near the orgy ship. Loki already saw a few familiar faces there. “Loki has officially joined the party, ladies and gents! Makes some room, will you?”
The women on the couch giggled happily and made space for Loki. He sighed as he sat down, knowing they would undoubtedly snake around him like cats the first chance they got. As he let the women climb over him and he forced on one the best of his smiles, Y/N never left his mind. He couldn’t stop worrying about her now that she was wasted.
The Grandmaster sat down on the couch as well and handed Loki a drink. Loki had lost count on how many different drinks he had held tonight but he knew better to drink them all. Nevertheless, he accepted it and decided to taste it. The red drink was fruity, quite sweet actually.
“Didn’t you two want to see the orgy ship, hm?” The drunken ruler of Sakaar remembered what had been on his ‘favourite duo’s’ mind a few days ago.
Loki almost cringed when he heard that. The thought of walking inside the dirty ship made him quiver and he felt dirty already. He wondered what the interior would look under blue light. “Yes. If you’re kind enough, we’d love to see it once Y/N comes back.”
One of the women that was leaning against Loki sighed at mentioning Y/N’s name. “Come on, Loki! We can get started without her, alright? We’ve been waiting for you all night!” The woman whose name Loki was unaware of tried to lure him into the ship. Disgusting, really. He hated how they seemed tired of Y/N. He knew they must’ve been jealous. Then he realized that he was probably just like that in Y/N’s eyes and his heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t allow his feelings to ruin their mission. He had to constantly remind himself that he was never getting her back.
“Patience, my dear. You don’t want the fun to be over too soon, now do you?” Loki put his finger underneath her jaw, drawing a smile from her. Her eyes were full of passion and lust and Loki’s touch certainly pleased her.
“I don’t! Maybe waiting a little bit won’t be too bad,” She purred and let Loki breathe out in relief. He bought some more time which was much needed.
                  Meanwhile, Y/N was listening to the guard mumbling about escape pods as they walked through the long and tiring halls of the ship. It was unbelievably gigantic! The alcohol was already messing with her head so taking in all the information got harder by the second. If only Loki was here, she thought and quickly froze. She couldn’t believe her own mind. She didn’t really need him to get things done, right? His company was a distraction anyway, she knew she was just drunk. He would never think of her like that. In fact, Y/N was sure he was making out with the first woman or man who crossed his path at the party anyway.
“Are you listening?” The guard broke Y/N’s little bubble. She didn’t realize she had stopped walking. They were at the end of the hallway and it was almost too dark inside. The guard was right in front of her and Y/N noticed his smile was long gone. Was he concerned over her?
“Uhm- yes, I’m sorry. I think I’ve had one too many,” the words barely came out of her mouth. It was more like one big slur. Y/N was drunk which she hated to admit. At least she felt lighter emotionally but right now, the state of forgetfulness wasn’t helping. The guard traced his fingers across Y/N’s face, and she shuddered, not expecting it at all.
The guard was looking at her lips, her neck, everywhere but her eyes. Suddenly, Y/N felt grossed out. Sure, he was good looking, but Y/N didn’t want to sleep with anyone if it wasn’t necessary and this wasn’t necessary at all. “It’s just us now, you know that, right?” The guard sighed which sounded creepy to her ears. As she looked around, she realized just how right he was. The guard leaned closer to Y/N until he could whisper into her ear as her back was against the wall, “No one will hear you scream.”
Shivers ran down Y/N’s spine. She was drunk but not drunk enough to overlook that. “W-what do you mean?” She stuttered.
The guard didn’t answer. Instead, he wrapped his arm around Y/N’s throat tightly, squeezing so hard she couldn’t breathe. There was pure hatred on his face now and a sinister smile had started to form. Y/N panicked, and she dug her nails into his arms but he was wearing armour. Her nails stood no chance against the metal, in fact she felt them bend disgustingly. It didn’t take long until her heart was beating hard against her chest, almost jumping out.
What the fuck was happening?!
“Don’t you think I’ve noticed the two of you behaving suspiciously? Huh? Do you think no one sees what you’re up to?!” The man yelled into her face. The lack of air made a pounding headache form in Y/N’s head and she could hardly focus on his words. But she saw the painted the picture, this guard knew that they weren’t up to any good.
Desperately, Y/N wiggled her body around and finally kicked the guard in his stomach. The kick was strong enough to make him lose his grip on her neck and she used that shot to bolt away from him. “Loki!” She screamed but her voice only echoed through the hall. Right now, she didn’t care that he was the first one she was calling out for. Looking that far ahead of her was hard when her vision was divided in two. Horrified was the only word she could use to describe how she felt when the guard ran after her. Y/N tried to run faster, but she was doomed to fail. After a few seconds that felt like forever, she stumbled on her heel and fell face-first on the floor. Pain spread throughout her body, starting from her nose and it was intense enough to make her see white for a second. Soon, she could taste the irony blood in her mouth.
The guard got down on the floor and he put all his weight on her body. God, he was heavy! “Get off me! You sicko!” Y/N cried loudly but it was useless. She could barely fight as the well-trained guard tugged her hair roughly, revealing her neck. Soon enough, she felt his lips on her skin which made her scream. Being so powerless was absolutely horrible. Y/N was so used to being the winner in most situations that this was straight-up humiliating. So many thoughts were running through her head but what mattered most right now was survival. If she died, this man would most certainly go after Loki and then their plans would fail.
“Did you really think you could get away? You stupid little girl,” The man laughed evilly, trying to degrade Y/N. Sure, she could barely think but she still had her dignity.
Come on! She closed her eyes and tried to think.
Think, think, think!
She had been alone before. Her life has rested on her hands so many times before, she had gotten through difficult situations and she could do it again.
It pulled her out of her mind when she felt the man move. He grabbed a knife and started to cut open her dress messily, slicing her skin a little bit as well which gave Y/N time to get into action. She didn’t want the man to put his dirty hands on her body, so she had to do something and fast. She put her palms on the floor beside her head and pushed as hard as she could. Thanks to her super-human strength, she got herself up enough to roll over, so she was on top of the guard.
“Hey!” The guard growled madly. He lunged at her with his knife, which Y/N barely dodged. Seeing the sharp blade flash so close to her already bloody face put her mind to a darker state. At this point, it was purely kill or get killed.
With that in mind, Y/N grabbed the man’s wrist with one hand and used her other hand to tear off his armour. She squeezed him so hard she could feel his bones break and this time he was the one screaming out in agony. She felt no sympathy towards him whatsoever – instead, it encouraged her to keep going.
She stole the man’s knife and held onto it tightly, afraid to let it go. Before she had a chance to sink it into his chest, the guard punched her jaw. Y/N grunted out in pain and fell on the floor. The knife slid across the hallway, stopping when it was out of reach. “For fuck’s sake!”
The man grabbed Y/N’s ankle and pulled her closer to him. As she felt herself slide on the floor, she turned around and kicked the man right in the face, making him let go as he yelled out in pain once more. Adrenaline was rushing through her system as she tried to get back to the knife. Her entire body was aching which the adrenaline masked beautifully. She almost got the knife when she felt something sharp sink into her leg. “Aaah!” She screamed as tears stung her eyes. The pain was much sharper than the punch had been. As Y/N turned to look what was going on, she saw another knife, this time in her flesh but luckily, it didn’t feel like it hit bone.
Of course, he had another one!
“You won’t get away from this one, you naughty girl,” The man panted out as if he was out of breath.
Blood was pooling around Y/N’s wound and she knew if she was to pull the knife out, it would turn into a blood bath. So, she kept it in and yanked her leg away from the guard’s reach. He had a broken nose, it was obvious. Before he could harm her again, Y/N took a deep breath and tried to use her magic. It was tricky after that many drinks, but all the fighting seemed to sober her up.
Y/N formed energy around her hands and the energy balls were glowing purple. The guard’s eyes widened in shock as he saw Y/N’s power getting stronger. If it was one thing she kept well hidden from the people of Sakaar, it was her magic. Then she let go, shooting the rays of energy at the man and she watched as he flew several feet away from her. The lights from the blasts almost blinded her vision in the dark hallway but after blinking a few times, her eyes were fine. As the man moaned in pain and spat empty threats, Y/N dragged herself to the knife. Once she had it, she tried to stand up but the other knife in her leg made that very hard.
“You just had to! Ah- you fucking had to do that!” Y/N cried angrily while crawling across the floor towards the guard. Her energy blasts had done some damage, but she wasn’t done with him. This man was a huge threat to Asgard’s future, and he had tried to use her in the most intimate way possible. Before he could beg for his life, Y/N raised the knife and then used all her strength to push it through his chest. She could feel the blade sink into his flesh, and it made her feel disgusting, but she didn’t stop – not until she felt it go through his heart, penetrating the vital organ. It felt like the knife was sinking into cold, hard butter. Life vanished from his bright yellow eyes and his muscles relaxed. She heard him let out his final breath and at that moment, it was quiet. That final breath was haunting to hear.
Y/N let go of the knife when she realized what the hell had just happened.
“Oh lord…oh god, w-why did you…why didn’t you just l-look away! Why-… ” She breathed out. It was obvious she was afraid. Not by what had happened but by what she had done. She stared at the body on the floor as hot tears washed down her face. “What have I done?” She sobbed into her bloody hands and then began to feel the pain he had caused her. The knife in her leg made her want to scream until she’d pass out because it hurt so excruciatingly much, but she didn’t find her voice. She couldn’t even breathe!
In her mind, their cover was blown. Someone would find out she killed a guard and the Grandmaster would deal with her then. It was all over!
           Time was ticking and Loki’s gut feeling grew worse. It got to a point he couldn’t sit on the couch anymore as the strange women pampered him. Y/N wouldn’t stay away for that long unless something was wrong. Sure, there was a chance the guard had persuaded her to more intimate things, but Loki had seen the state she was in. Y/N had been heavily intoxicated, and he didn’t trust how long it took. Finally, he got up from the couch and gave his drink to the nearest empty hand he saw.
“If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go find Y/N. She said it wouldn’t take this long, perhaps she’s lost,” Loki came up with an excuse to leave.
The Grandmaster was drunk as well by now, so he seemed quite careless. “Well then, sweet cheeks! We might have to start the fun without you though,” he warned the Trickster.
Thank god, please do, Loki thought but he would’ve never said it out loud. Instead, he nodded politely and rushed away from the scene. He headed straight towards the huge spaceship and by using his magic, he teleported himself inside. “We should’ve done that in the first place,” he thought out loud once he was inside. Loki was mad he had let her go alone. What if something happened to her? As if he didn’t feel bad enough about the pain he had caused her. It was dark and he didn’t know how to turn on the lights in the unfamiliar ship. So, he resorted to his magic, flicking on a green flame above his hands to guide him through the hallway.
He didn’t have to walk long before he heard something. It almost sounded like someone was… crying? His eyes widened as he recognized Y/N’s painful cries. Without wasting any time, he nearly ran towards her voice.
“Y/N? Where are you? What is going on?” Loki called out and hoped it would frighten the guard if he was trying to do something.
She didn’t answer.
Loki was so worried he genuinely felt sick. By now, his poor little heartbeat was ringing in his ears. Soon enough, he found Y/N. She was sitting on the floor, her back against the wall and her legs were in an odd position. The closer he got, the worse it seemed. The floor was full of blood, Y/N had blood on her face mixed with tears, her entire body was quivering like a leaf desperately trying to hold onto a branch in the wind. Loki looked at her torn dress and bare feet. There was a knife in her calf, probably holding back enough blood to make her pass out.
“What happened, Y/N? Are you alright?” Loki got down on the floor and tried to examine her wound. He couldn’t think about anything else but her safety. It’s like seeing her like that, so worn and vulnerable, awoke an instinct deep inside him that made him want to protect her. Seeing how upset she was broke his heart. She couldn’t even talk!
“L-Loki…” She sobbed and it caught his attention. He looked into her eyes and saw pure terror in them. Something really bad had happened, that was obvious. It’s like she had seen a ghost, no, a demon. A demon that had stared right back at her.
“Yes?” He encouraged her to speak. Anything was better than the eerie silence between them. Her breath was unstable, she was panicking. Loki wanted to comfort her, but she didn’t let him do that quite yet. Instead, she pointed further away from them with shaking fingers.
With narrowed eyes, Loki looked in the direction she was pointing in. By lighting up the area with magic, he finally saw what made Y/N so shaken.
The guard’s dead and bloody body was lifeless on the floor.
Loki could hardly believe what he saw.
There was a knife pointing out of his chest and it became obvious what had caused his death. Yes, Loki had seen countless of dead bodies before, he had killed before, but this was so unexpected. But he wasn’t dumb. Y/N’s shoes were gone, her dress was torn, she was injured. This man must’ve gone really far to make Y/N kill him. Five years ago, her kill count could be counted on one hand. He had no idea what it was now but judging by how broken she was, it probably hadn’t changed much.
Loki’s heart yearned for him to hold her in his arms now. If only he had joined them then maybe he could’ve destroyed the guard and not let the blood paint Y/N’s hands. He hated himself for letting this happen.
“H-he didn’t leave me any c-choice! I-I…I didn’t w-want to kill him!” Y/N broke down into tears.
“It’s okay, it was self-defence. It’s alright, Y/N,” Loki cooed and flipped his finger to his boundaries. Right now, all that mattered was her. So, he moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her trembling body. She didn’t seem to mind as Loki held her. In fact, she held onto his clothes, desperate for comfort. She sobbed, cried and screamed and he held her through it. He let her hit his chest weakly and soak his clothes with tears. He was not going to let her go now, not when she was this lost and broken. The thought of what could’ve happened was too much for both of them.
“H-he knew!” Y/N tried to tell Loki, but it was overwhelming.
Loki swallowed thickly. She didn’t have to say much more. The guard knew about their plan. It was yet another good reason he was silenced forever. Hopefully, no one else knew or else they would be in trouble.
“Breathe, please. We can talk about this at the apartment, alright? You have to relax, darling,” Loki attempted to take her mind elsewhere. In the middle of the stressful moment, he let me pet name slip. Darling, he thought about what he said, and it made his chest clench painfully.
Little did he know it helped Y/N. An odd yet warm feeling grasped her when she heard Loki calling her darling. Sure, he probably only said it to calm her down, but she let herself believe in something that didn’t exist anymore. Nothing really mattered now.
Eventually, her cries calmed down, but she didn’t let go of Loki just yet and he saw no reason not to hold onto her a little longer. She had to be calm enough when they would get moving. Loki already thought of hiding the body. The hard part would be getting out of the party. She was truly injured, and it must’ve hurt a lot.
Loki put his hand above the knife that was inside her leg. Just seeing it made him feel sick to his stomach. He knew better than pulling it out, so he used his magic to numb the pain. A green glimmer appeared around the wound and almost immediately, Y/N relaxed a bit more. Her muscles around the blade grew limp and she finally took a breath that lasted longer than half a second. Loki felt relieved when her body melted against him.
“What are we going to do?” She whispered quietly, still tipsy but definitely not drunk. The terror of what happened must’ve sobered her up at an unnatural pace.
Loki didn’t realize he was stroking the back of her head until she looked up to his face. The blood on hers pinched his heart. He just wanted to be in private with her, somewhere safe, somewhere nice where he could wash away all the blood and make her forget about the pain. Right now, his heart, soul and body longed for the days in the past when it was just them. “Don’t worry about that. We’ll hide the body on the ship and hope no one will use it in a week. I’ll sneak us out of the party, and we can think of an excuse later, okay?”
“Won’t they notice h-he’s not showing up to work?” Y/N continued with the questions. She was going to torture her mind about this for a while.
“Have you seen how many guards the Grandmaster has? I’m sure no one will notice. If they do, they won’t assume he’s dead – at least, not for a short while. We should be safe,” Loki tried his best to talk some sense to her. After living in a palace for most of his life, he knew how hard it was to track where every single guard was or who showed up to work and who didn’t. He knew he wasn’t lying to himself when he said that. They truly should’ve been safe for at least a week or two more.
They could’ve gotten up already, but it seemed they didn’t want to. Maybe staying in each other’s arms for five more minutes would be just fine. Even if it would be the last time – for all that they knew.
[PART 6]
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Author’s Note: I just can’t help the angst, guys. Forgive me. Also, thank you for all the feedback so far. I love to hear your thoughts! <3 
TAGS: @[email protected]@[email protected]@snow-massacre @[email protected]@phluffyphantom  @[email protected]@[email protected]@fandomshit6000 @kinky-khajiit   @funny-fangirl @atterodominatus @maxsaturdayhatesnarwhals @probably-not-star-lord @kneel-before-queen-loki
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crwndsprkzy · 2 years ago
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Damon Hugh’s Diary
30/1/2021 9:30 pm
I’m Damon Hugh. I’m 16 and am in year 10 in high school. I am a boy who likes to draw, paint and listen to MCR and P!ATD. My favourite colour is dark purple. I’m an absolute loner: no friends, no life, ignored by everyone unless they’re bullying me.
At least this diary I got (stole) from my (someone else’s) school supplies will listen to me.
 15/2/2021 10:30 am
I’ve been at school for less than two hours now (I arrived late). It’s a normal school day so far, regular boring classes, all that jazz. But I can’t help but feel like someone is watching me, like intensely. Meh, not likely though, I’m really uninteresting. I mean, yeah sure, I “befriended” that popular Mia Talune, but I’m not liked by anyone. Oh well, at least science is finishing soon.
 15/2/2021 11:03 am
Not a normal day any more. That Heath Forest guy who bullies me? I found him dead outside the main building. Stabbed in the chest and abdomen. Yeah no, first on the scene on accident equals not fun! So I called the police then rushed to find a teacher. It wasn’t that hard (the main building, duh). But now people think that I killed him! Which I definitely did not! As if the bullying about the heterochromia, me being ace, my height, the fact that I’m a guy who’s artsy and having anxiety wasn’t enough.
Whatever. But still, now I’m wondering who killed Heath? I’m not torn up about it since I don’t like anyone here, I just want to know why someone actually had something against him. He was only mean to me after all...
 15/2/2021 2:30 pm
Yeah no, I’m getting weird vibes from this girl in my class. She keeps staring at me with this glazed look. Her name is Bianca Cornwel (only found that out through the roll) and to be honest, that last name is atrocious. 
There’s been questioning taking place all day because of the cops, and my class has been talking non-stop about it. I have noticed whenever anyone brings up that it was me, the class prez, Rory Dee, gets very defensive and brings up that it couldn’t be me (a few points he made were hurtful: “He’s too weak to do something like this”). He also seems to turn his head from his front seat and glare at Bianca.
 15/2/2021 10:37 pm
A quick sum-up of today:
-woke up
-went to school late
-had to sit through science 
-found the dead body of a regular bully 
-got accused all day (for the murder)
-was stared at by a girl (every lesson)
-was defended by the class president (why?)
-was questioned twice by the police 
-went home 
-wrote this instead of sleeping
 16/2/2021 2:48 am
I was woken up by my phone. It’s a news story. I only really get notifications from the news (I’m a loner) so this is regular.
So I had a look at it and the headline reads: “16-year old’s body found dumped in a sewer”. Ew.
Oh. The murdered teen was Tanisha Andre, a girl in my class.
 Something’s up.
 16/2/2021 8:55 am
I got to school on time. My problem now is that I don’t have an alibi as I did for Heath. Hopefully Class Presi-Dump has something to defend me with. Clearly he will. I mean, he’s perfect in every way! He’s good at everything, popular, a high achiever, kind blue eyes, lightly tanned skin, fluffy looking golden blonde hair, cute little freckles around his nose and cheeks, his pearly white smile, his smooth voice that’s perfect for singing, the fact that he smiles softly at the people who he passes, his laugh; he’s just perfect. I mean, prince charming 2.0 much. 
But still, why is he defending me of all people? We’re polar opposites! He’s tall, I’m short. He's popular, I'm a loner. He's class president, I'm assumed to be a murderer. He's brave and strong, I'm shy and weak. He listens to pop music, I listen to emo music.
It is a bit refreshing now that Bianca isn’t staring at me, but now Palace Tucker (one of the chicks that hang around The Mythic B***h Mia) has been glaring at me ever since I arrived today.
I wonder if there’ll be questioning today following Tanisha’s death?
  16/2/2021 12:30 pm
President Perfect did defend me, as I expected. 
I have noticed that after Palace left Maths class, Bianca followed after her. So far Bianca has come back, but Palace has not.
Yeah, I don’t trust Bianca. I mean, that’s a given considering she’s always watching me. I’m in the middle of the class and she’s at the back, so she can stare at me without suspicion. Which is REALLY uncomfortable! But I’m not going to tell the teacher, duh, debilitating social anxiety.
 16/2/2021 1:35 pm
I found a hall-pass on the ground. It's one for Bianca and Palace. It says “mental health break”. I did see them both wandering the edge of the oval when I was in class. It’s a regular route for me at break time, so I’ll see if Palace is out there.
 16/2/2021 1:38 pm
I definitely found Palace. Just drenched in… blood. And stab wounds through her head and her eyes gouged out. That too.
The song I’m listening to (Teenagers-MCR) ABSOLUTELY describes my realisation. My realisation being: Bianca is the killer and because I’m weak, I’m probably next.
And because of Tanisha's death being out of school, I can't hide at home. Hell, since I walk home, practically everyone knows where I live. I would know, a ton of them egg and t-p the house.
What if I encourage dad to get us moved to a city further away? What if we got out of the country? What if I learn how to fly planes and land on a deserted island? What if I went back in time and posed as an artist who sculpted attractive men for the church? What if I got astronaut training early and flew to Pluto?
I don’t know, but my anxiety is worsening just thinking about it. I'm just going to run and scream.
Hopefully they don’t think it was me.
 16/2/2021 2:45 pm
The cops are back and that’s not helping my anxiety. If anyone talks about it again or to me, I'm gonna break down.
 16/2/2021 2:57 pm
The police questioned me alright. But I couldn’t answer any of their questions; non-verbal panic attack. It wasn’t helped by intrusive thoughts about me getting framed, getting killed and being called a liar.
Bianca watched me on the way out and on the way back into the classroom. But so did Rory. He also looked at Bianca.
Has he realised? He's smart, he probably has.
Guess I’ll have fun for the last bit of class by listening to bands.
 16/2/2021 3:51 pm
So Class King didn’t know anything about it. Then what does he have against Bianca? He can’t be glaring for no reason.
I did overhear Callum Jones talking to Bianca about how he's “going to a totally rad party with lots of babes tonight”. Bianca just told him to “stop lying” and that “everyone knows you're going to go home and DM Mia with your 5 different insta accounts”. Oof. There was nothing saying he was lying though. How did she know? 
Oh yeah, Callum was definitely offended by that and took a swing at Bianca, but she was already gone.
 17/2/2021 12:30 pm
I'm not dead yet, but I am going to be soon. I decided to, for whatever reason, talk to Rory about the murders. I could not stop stammering or going quiet for extended periods of time, but when I was talking I asked royal Rory what he thinks of Bianca. I haven’t got a response but I'm slowly dying…
Nobody has died yet today, but I'm absolutely paranoid. I just keep thinking I'm next or that I'm going to be confronted by the football team and they’ll punch me to death. Whenever I think these things, I can practically SMELL the blood. Even when I'm not imagining them I can smell blood.
Wait, what are those red stains on Jules Elvis’ yellow cardigan?
That’s what I've been smelling! Wait, was I wrong about Bianca then? Was it really this eager to please girl who did this?
No, if she was a murderer, she would know how to dissolve blood, or at least know not to wear the clothing worn while committing the crime.
But nobody is noticing Bianca.
 17/2/2021 2:30 pm
The teacher has announced that there has been another body found- Felicity Forest, Heath’s younger sister. They showed a fairly censored version of the security tape to us. It showed a tall girl with brown hair, pale skin and a yellow cardigan on.
Guess who fits that description perfectly? Jules. The blood-stain on the yellow cardigan was pretty telling. Felicity was also Jules’ best friend, so the connection was there.
But Bianca has the exact same cardigan, I've seen her wear it. The tape was early, so she could have easily framed Jules. She was also asking our health teacher how healthy it is to be awake all night.
When the police came in for Jules, she was violently sobbing. She was saying stuff like “I would never!” “I didn’t do it!” “But… I was going to ask her today to be my girlfriend” “I LOVED HER!” “Our friendship bracelets said ‘together forever’!” and more.
I don’t think it was Jules at all. I know it wasn't Jules. 
But I couldn’t speak up, the words got caught in my throat as if a dagger had cut them off.
Sorry Jules…
tags- @fallenfromforgotten @random-artsy-stuf @flowersanddinosaurs (you can request to be added at any time!)
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templeofulchtar · 2 years ago
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Ghost Season Working Part 5/7
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He’s called the Planet of No Fun for a reason...
Confronting Unicron
“By Saturn they seek to represent that power which maintains the cyclic course of times and seasons. This is the sense that the Greek name of that god bears, for he is called Kronos, which is the same as Chronos or Time. Saturn for his part got his name because he was ‘sated’ with years; the story that he regularly devoured his own children is explained by the fact that time devours the courses of the seasons, and gorges itself ‘insatiably’ on the years that are past. Saturn was enchained by Jupiter to ensure that his circuits did not get out of control, and to constrain him with the bonds of the stars.”
- Quintus Lucilius Balbus as recorded by Marcus Tullius Cicero and translated by P.G. Walsh, De Natura Deorum (On the Nature of the Gods), Book II, Part ii, Section c
"Where there's a curse on the door, there's treasure on the other side." - Starscream
Welcome to the opening ritual of the Ghost Season Working! 
In this rite you, the Seeker, will take on Starscream’s role in confronting Unicron, the Devourer of Worlds. Why would you do that? Well, Starscream’s purpose was very straightforward indeed:
“I want my old body back! So let’s make a deal.”
Unicron’s reply to this was:
“Yes. Unicron can grant your request. But only after you have performed three labors.”
I’m guessing your purpose won’t be quite the same as Starscream’s, but the same principle applies. That’s because Unicron, in this ritual, represents the energy of Saturn. Unicron’s character designer literally modeled him after the planet Saturn which, as you probably know, was named after the ancient Roman deity of the same name. You may also know that Saturn is associated with Cronus, the Greek god of time. (Unicron, Cronus. Get it?)
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Saturn, or Cronus, governs matters relating to:
♄ Cycles ♄ Time ♄ Contracts ♄ Commitments ♄ Matter and the material world ♄ Death ♄ Dissolution ♄ Setting limits and boundaries ♄ Pushing things to mature ♄ Discipline ♄ Structure and form ♄ Hard Work
Saturn gets a bad rap. He’s kind of like the Devil and the Grim Reaper rolled into one, and has a (somewhat deserved) reputation as the Planet of No Fun. His energy, however, is also useful and necessary.
Think about it: If you want to bring something into material form, you need to define your goal, commit time to it, work hard, exercise self-discipline, and engage in the necessary destruction of anything (bad habits, say) that stands in your way.
In this ritual you will engage Unicron’s Saturnian energy, commit to your goal and the Labors necessary to achieve it, and at the same time, commit to the necessary sacrifices you will have to make in order to bring your goal into being.
This ritual can be done in solitary, or with a ritual partner. If you partner with someone else who is also performing the Ghost Season Working, you can do it twice, switching roles so that you each have a chance to be both Starscream and Unicron.
Preparation
You will need:
★ your journal
★ a few sheets of loose paper
★ a pen
If desired, you may also include:
★ a set of devil-horns
★ a black candle inscribed with Saturn’s symbol: ♄
★ a mirror
Choose Your Labors
Before you begin the ritual, take time to write your goal or intention in your journal. Then consider what needs to happen in order to bring that intention into being. What tasks, or Labors, must you complete in order to have what you desire? The Labors you choose should be somewhat challenging, but not so much that you feel you can’t do them. The exact nature of your Labors will vary according to the nature of your goal, but I would suggest coming up with Labors that are:
a). Concrete and measurable, even if your goal is is subjective;
b). Based on participation rather than performance;
c). Controllable by you.
For example, let’s say you’re a visual artist and your Ghost Season intention is to develop your art skills. Good Labors for this would be:
★ Set a time to draw each day ★ Do a sketch per day ★ Fill a sketchbook page every day ★ Attend a life-drawing class each week for the duration of Ghost Season ★ Sign up for an art class ★ Work your way through a book of drawing exercises as if it was a course
All of these are participation-based, all are measurable, and all are under your personal control. Did you show up for life-drawing class? Did you fill a page in your sketchbook? These are yes or no questions, and you can check them off on your to-do list as concrete action items. That makes them perfect as Labors.
Whether or not you produced a world-changing masterpiece is a subjective call, but what isn’t up for debate is the fact that your sketchbook is now 63 pages fatter than it was at the start of Ghost Season. Chances are, you’re a better artist because of it.
The same principle can be applied to even more subjective goals, such as working through an emotional issue. You can create a Labor of meditating each day, writing in your journal each day, setting up a shrine or altar to honor your ancestors or a departed loved one, or signing up for a boxing class to help you channel anger productively.
How many Labors should you have? Unicron assigned Starscream three Labors in order to regain his body. I would suggest that three should be your maximum number of Labors. If you’d rather stick with one or two, that’s completely fine.
Once you’ve chosen your Labors, write them down in your journal.
One final note about Labors: 
I suggested performing the Greeting the Seeker ritual before doing this step because once you’ve established a working relationship with Starscream, he will be able to assist you in choosing the best Labors for your goal. He supports ambitious people, and I’ve always found his guidance to be both helpful and reliable. Give it a try! You may surprise yourself.
Sacrifices
Every goal requires some form of sacrifice. At minimum, you will need time to perform your Labors, which might mean setting aside other activities, at least temporarily. Other forms of sacrifice might include self-defeating fears, habits or beliefs.
For example, I’ve recently come to the realization that I feel guilty about writing. I love to write and I would love to do it for a living, but my guilt over “wasting time” on a pursuit that our culture regards as valuable only if it makes a ton of money (hello, J. K. Rowling) trips me up every time. Is that guilt getting sacrificed this year? You know it.
Take your time with this. You might want to freewrite, noting down anything that comes up as an obstacle to achieving your goal. Once you feel you’ve gotten it all out on the page, you can turn it into a list of “sacrifices.”
Write this list on one of your loose sheets of paper, and set it aside.
Rewards
Now begin a second list, under the title of “Rewards.” Write down the ways in which your life will be better once you’ve achieved your goals. Starscream regained his physical body and got a new lease on life. What will you gain, and how will you reward yourself?
Think of Starscream’s coronation. How would you want to celebrate your win? With music? Special food? Shiny objects? A fashion statement, such as that purple cape? Or just a hot bath, or a Netflix marathon? Think about what would feel rewarding, and plan for it. Hang on to this list. We’ll come back to it at the end of Ghost Season, when your Labors are complete.
You are now ready to Confront Unicron!
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Ritual: Confronting Unicron
Do this ritual either on August 22 or the nearest date that works for you, preferably a Saturday (Saturn’s Day).
OPTION ONE: If performing as a Solitary (with props)
Pick a time when you won’t be interrupted. Light your black candle and sit in a mostly darkened room facing your mirror. There should be just enough light for you to read by, and to see your reflection. If you have a pair of devil horns, you can wear them so that your reflection becomes the image of Unicron. Otherwise, just use your imagination.
If you like, you can read the dialogue aloud. You can read Unicron’s dialogue (in a suitably sepulchral voice, of course), and read Starscream’s role either using a voice similar to his, using his name, or you can just speak in your own natural voice, using your own name. Do whichever feels best.
UNICRON
“I am Unicron. Who awakens me?”
STARSCREAM
“Unicron, allow me to introduce myself. I am Starscream.” [Or your own name]
UNICRON
“What do you wish from Unicron?”
STARSCREAM
“I want [explain your goal]. So, let’s make a deal.”
UNICRON
“Yes. Unicron can grant your request. But only after you have performed the necessary Labors. Which labors have you selected?”
STARSCREAM
“I will [and name your labors].”
UNICRON
“These labors are acceptable to Unicron. When will you complete them?”
STARSCREAM
“By the end of nine weeks, on October 23rd.”
UNICRON
“And what sacrifices will you make?”
STARSCREAM
“I will sacrifice [and read your list of sacrifices].”
UNICRON
“These sacrifices are acceptable to Unicron. The contract is made. See that you make it so.”
Fold your list of sacrifices three times, turning it counter-clockwise each time you fold it. Three is the number sacred to Saturn, and the counter-clockwise direction indicates that you are ‘banishing’ these sacrificial items or activities for the duration of Ghost Season. Do not destroy the list; simply put it away somewhere. (I use my sock drawer, but your mileage may vary.)
Now, sit quietly. If you wish, turn the lights on and write down anything that came up for you during the ritual. Begin planning your labors. How will you implement them, starting tomorrow? Write it down, make a plan. Your work has just begun.
OPTION TWO: If performing as a Solitary (without props)
Pick a time when you won’t be interrupted. Open your journal to a fresh page and sit quietly, breathing deeply to bring yourself into a meditative state.
At the top of the page, draw the Saturn symbol: ♄
Then begin writing out the conversation above. Try to do so in character, imagining Unicron’s voice, and Starscream’s (or, if you’re using your own name, simply your own voice).
When done, fold your list of sacrifices three times, turning it counter-clockwise each time you fold it. Put the list away somewhere safe, for the duration of Ghost Season. Now, if you wish, write down anything that came up for you during the ritual. Begin planning your labors. How will you implement them, starting tomorrow? Write it down, make a plan. Your work has just begun.
OPTION THREE: If performing with a partner
If you’re doing this with a ritual partner you can take turns, so that each of you gets to play both roles. Devil horns are optional, of course, but do have fun with the voices! It will make the experience richer if you let go of your inhibitions and aren’t afraid to look a bit silly.
When you are each done, fold your lists of sacrifices three times, turning them counter-clockwise each time you fold. Put your lists away somewhere safe for the duration of Ghost Season. Now, if you wish, chat with your ritual partner about anything that came up for you during the ritual.
Congratulations! Your Ghost Season journey has begun. But every journey needs rest-stops along the way, and this one is no different. Turn to the next post in the series to learn how to assess your progress.
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