#and that's the ONE thing helping me feel okay about posting pics with tummy out

[stubbornessissues]

Y'all liked the last set and I keep being told to post here so, here you go, Nibbly cosplayer is back as Stephanie 👀

I'll be wearing this at MCM London in May on Friday, and Nibbly saturday to the Starkid meet my friends and I are organising.

#nerdy prudes must die #stephanie lauter #npmd #nerdy Prudes must die cosplay #stephanie lauter cosplay #NPMD cosplay #okay literally the only reason I'm not backing out of is this is bc my body type matches Mariah's #and that's the ONE thing helping me feel okay about posting pics with tummy out #also please please let me know if you're coming to MCM #I love meeting up with people

[jhugas]

‘JERK OFF’- Jeon Jungkook {Prove it series}

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

Genre: smut

Pairing: Prove it! Jungkook X afab! Reader

Summary: Jungkook never masturbated at the thought of you nor on your pictures because of his pride. But this time… it’s like he couldn’t stop himself.

Word count: ~750

Warnings/tags: voyeurism? Jk jerks off to your pics ; he’s a pervert ; mention of a facial + facial.

Ps: This is a drabble that’s part of the Prove it series so I recommend you to read Prove it.I and Prove it.II to understand their dynamic :)

Thanks to the person that requested this !

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

Today, a lot of athletes trained on the field, and you and Jungkook were part of them. He realized there, even if he didn’t want to admit it, that you were perfectly his type; athletic, competitive, ambitious, and hot. 

And though he hated your attitude, this look you gave him when you passed by him today made him feel sooo horny.

It’s the same look you have while walking to your prize after winning 1st place, as always.

He hoped he’d forget about this quickly, especially when he started having a boner, but you got him overthinking about you the whole day, and it didn’t help him.

‘Should I go to the bathroom?’ ‘Fuck, why is she making me feel like this?’ Is all he could think about while training.

Well, he wasn’t even training well, his body was moving on its own without any intention, he just waited for the day to end to finally jerk off. But till then, he’ll be peeking at you and checking you out.

Finally, the day is over.

Training was okay though he daydreamed all day, but now he’s finally home after eating dinner outside with his mates, and he’s ready to rest.

So he laid down in his couch, opened Insta, and went to the field’s account to check if there were any new pictures. He clicks on the first picture and scrolls down, until, he suddenly saw the picture the field posted of you.

He stopped on the picture and analyzed it, your strong thighs, shorts molding your ass, pretty breast hugged in a sport bra and your proud face. Fuck. He could feel his dick rubbing against his boxers again. 

So, it was really you that made him feel like this…

‘Does she do this on purpose?’ He asked himself.

He clicked on your account in the pic and went through your posts as his need to touch himself became stronger and stronger. He didn’t want to do anything, but it was irresistible, he had this need all day. So he slowly started to touch himself, rubbing the tip, then slowly his length that’s against his left thigh, still in those boxers.

All he wanted was to relieve himself just a little, but now he wants more, fuck, the thing he’d do if you had an only fan…

He gently takes off his shorts and boxers, with a feeling of shame, and carries on.

He zooms in on your picture to get a closer look at you, zooming in on your crotch, tummy, breasts, and face. Then he couldn’t help but imagine himself giving you a facial, just releasing his warm cum all over your pretty face.

He then starts to jerk himself, he’s too into it to stop now, he has to assume.

He quietly moans, scrolls down on your feed begging to find an explicit picture of you. But unfortunately, he didn’t find any, instead, he found a video of you working out and making suggestive noises. Enough for him to cum.

He watches your video with his eyes half closed from the pleasure, puts his volume on maximum as no one would hear this anyway, and goes faster. He chose that he wanted to cum on this video, well, at least for now, because he’d like to cum on one of your pictures another time too.

‘Ahh- fuck…’ he moans out-loud, leaving his remorses behind. ‘Y/n…’

His hand slides up and down his cock, holding it firmly as he throws his head back and enjoys the moment while getting closer to his orgasm.

He now feels close to cumming and decides to bring his phone next to his ear, before closing his eyes and thinking of you. But this time, nothing’s holding your breast nor hugging your ass, you’re naked, just like he wanted.

He’s listening to your video carefully, enjoying every noise that slips off your lips, and pictures you jerking him off, holding his big and thick cock in your pretty little hands. Your face right in front of it too, while looking up at him.

But then, he finally reached his high and came all over your face while grabbing your hair, your mouth open. He tries his best to cum as long as possible to feel everything.

But when he finally finished, he opened his eyes and was disappointed by the reality. He stops the video that was playing, cleans himself, but surprisingly, he’s still hard and horny, he needs to cum again.

So well, this was probably not his last time cumming thinking of you… was it even his first time?

Thank you for reading! Likes are extremely appreciated, but keep in mind that reblogs and comments help the writers get more exposure <3 thank you!

Masterlist

#army #bts #fanfic #scenarios #imagine #one shot #bts fanfic #smut #jungkook x you #jungkook #Jungkook Drabble #Drabble #Bts Drabble #smut Drabble #Jungkook smut #Jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jhugas prove it

[britswriting]

Quadrupled | Quadruple The Love H.S

Quadruple the love masterlist

read on wattpad

Unedited  - I'm tired 

"I'm bigger than the house we first bought together" I huffed, Harry helping me get into the hospital.

Today we were meeting our babies and I was scared out of my mind.

Normal pregnancies have forty weeks to worry. Forty weeks to figure out names, nursery, how you want to parent, what diapers you want you use, are you breast feeding or bottle feeding, cloth diapers or disposable diapers, co-sleeping, or strict crib rules.

I lost ten weeks of worrying.

Ten precious weeks that might've given me more answers than I knew now.

Not only have I been "in hiding" for months, keeping out of the limelight with my big ole belly — Harry and I agreeing for the safety of me and the kids; it was best for me to keep close with our families. We didn't want to tell the world that we're having quadruplets until they were already born, home and safe. 

The good lord knows that last thing we want to do is explain about some sort of horrific event we had to go through when we only announce we have one, or two, or three. 

I'm terrified.

"You look so beautiful, love" Harry smiled over at me; a nurse waiting at the door with a wheelchair. "We're about to be parents" 

"To four babies. We're doomed, Styles" I sighed, wishing I could focus more on the highs than the lows, but I couldn't help it.

Four babies is a lot. Even with help.

"Y/N Styles?" The nurse asked, my head nodding. "Take a seat, I'm sure your feet are killing you" She smiled, and I nodded, agreeing.

I carefully sat down and we were brought to the front desk for paperwork before being brought to our pre-op room.

"How does it feel to know this is the last time they're going to be inside of you?" Harry questioned, grabbing the hospital gown to help me change into.

"Strange" I answered honestly, my voice soft as I started to strip. I was covered in red stretch marks on my stomach, my back, my hips, my thighs, even my ass and boobs. These babies took a toll on my body in more ways than just physically. "I'm looking forward to the relief on my boobs and back" 

"I can't wait to meet them all" He sighed, a cute smile dancing on his lips.

I couldn't help but smile back up at him, "I know, me too. It's crazy to think what all can happen in just 30 weeks. They're going to be so tiny. You think they'll be okay, right? I mean, they're supposed to be in there for ten more weeks" I began to panic a little; something Harry was all too familiar with through this pregnancy.

"The Styles name lives on" He grinned, doing a little shimmy with his body, my eyes rolling as I giggled, turning around so he could tie the back.  "You ass look cute" he squeezed, my head shaking as I smiled.

We haven't had sex in months. I've given him more handjobs in the past few months then I did our entire dating relationship. I've been too tired, sore, or just downright uninterested. My sex drive has diminished completely.

Thankfully he still finds me attractive enough to get hard; I don't think I could mentally survive if I was trying to get him off and he simply couldn't do it. 

Your body changes a lot when you're pregnant, I knew that going in. However, I wasn't prepared for all the changes that would couple with having quadruplets. The size alone of my stomach was enough to make me already start planning a tummy tuck and an extra skin removal just to feel better about myself in the shower, or the mirror.

I knew I wasn't going to be skinny after having kids, and I was okay with that. I was prepared for that, yet the idea of so much extra skin once my stomach started losing it's after birth bump... mentally, I was dreading.

I'd be lying if I said it had nothing to do with being married to the Harry Styles.

It wasn't all of it, but it was a lot of it. 

I couldn't help but think about the pap pics, or the interviews, or the social media posts. People were mean even if you were the most beautiful person on the planet. Now I've got four babies and a thrown our figure. 

Harry and I had planned to do interviews after we announced their birth and that alone kept me up at night. How many pairs of spanks do I need to buy? Do I wear black? It hides you best.

"Alright love, look at you" Harry smiled, telling me to do a spin for him; chuckling when I carefully toddled on my feet in a circle. "Stunning! The most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I love you so much, gorgeous. The babies have the prettiest, sweetest, most caring mumma ever" Harry wrapped his arms around me as best as he could, ending in me huffing, trying to push him away before he hugged me from the side, kissing me.  "We'll always make it work" He mumbled against my lips, kissing me again.

A knock at the door pulled us away, a few nurses coming in with charts, an IV and a blood bag.

Great.

With a urine sample off to the lab, I was settled in the hospital bed before they started my blood draw and IV drip, going over a few chart questions until the anesthesiologist and obgyn surgeon came in with consent forms.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, already dressed in scrubs.

"Nervous" I admitted, my leg uncontrollably shaking.

"Well, although it is my first time getting out four babies, it isn't not my first c-section, or my first time with multiples. My team and I are as prepared as we can be; all hands on deck, I promise" She smiled and I just nodded, wishing her reassurance eased me more than it actually did.

Getting shaved by someone other than yourself was an awkward experience I thoroughly wished to forget by the time I looked back at this moment ten years time. 

"Look babe, our babies are going to be in these" he pointed at the hospital bassinets, a smile on my lips as I watched him fawn over  it, "We're going to need three more" he chuckled, looking around at all of the baby things. "What's this?" he pointed at a station with a lamp above it.

"I think it's too keep the babies warm, I don't know for sure though" I hummed, eyeing the clock, awaiting for our surgical time.

Twenty minutes passed, Harry gloating about how he got to pee, instantly regretting it when he saw my face before we got rolled into the operating room.

Harry was held back to put on scrubs and do his antibacterial scrub whilst I got monitors placed on me, a catheter inserted, yay me, and my stomach cleaned before Harry showed up at my side, a grin on his face, "Here we go baby" he said, looking adorable as I stared up at him; the room crowded in all sorts of different people; four different baby stations set up, ready to start clearing their airways, cleaning them off and keeping them warm.

"Please let everything go away" I softly prayed, my eyes falling shut as the nerves begun to take over.

Please let my four babies all be okay. All be perfect, and healthy. 

Please let them all have good breathing, and hearts, and movements. 

Please keep my babies safe.

"We're going to be okay, Y/N. We've got the best medical staff. All these people are here, ready to help" He eased and I nodded, calling out, "None of you better post this on TikTok", knowing we had everyone sign legal forms even worse than just patient confidentiality 

Chuckles were heard around the room, I just hoped they knew I was serious.

I don't want my birth story our there before I get to tell it. 

With the drape up and the anesthesia administrated, the surgery begun.

I stared at the hospital ceiling, my heart knowingly racing — I could hear the nurses talking about it; Harry's hand finding mine as he crouched down next to me, his mouth brushing against my ear.

"Hi baby" He murmured, "You're doing so well. You're the strongest woman I've ever met, and I'm so thankful to call you mine. I'm so grateful you're our babies mother. That you're the person I get to do this with. You're going to be the best mum ever. The babies are going to love you so much. I just know it. I love you so much, you're doing so so so good. It's going so well, hear them? Hear them talk about how well it's going? We're going to meet our babies, Y/N. They're going to be the most perfect little humans we've ever seen. Our families are going to be enthralled with them. My mom's already on her way" he chuckled, kissing my cheek, my brain focusing on his voice, and let of the talk around me. "Little did we know when we first met, that you'd be in an operating room waiting to meet four of our children at once. Can you imagine telling our younger selves that? When the doctor said you couldn't have kids, that you'd be meeting four of your flesh and blood in just a few minutes? Just one easy peasy lemon squeezy producer later? I hope they have your beautiful smile, and colorful personality. I can't wait to watch you mother the hell out of them" he laughs softly, his thumb stroking my knuckles, "Watch them grow up with us. their first breath, their first bath, their first night home, their first laugh. Their first food and first time crawling or walking. Our entire life is starting all over again once we leave this hospital, baby; and I'm so lucky I get to do it all with you" 

"First baby's out!" I heard, my breath hitching, Harry's smile brightening as a sob escaped my lips.

"We're parents, Y/N. It's official" He kissed me, my chest shaking as I cried with pride, joy and fear.

"It's a boy! Time, 7:16pm" We heard, followed by a rush of people talking, movement heard; Harry and I holding our breath's until we heard the cry, a collective sigh of relief was heard around the room.

"I love you so much" Harry confessed, my brain too fried to reply as it was panicking with fear and excitement.

We're parents.

We have a baby.

Harry and I have a son.

A soft voice was heard behind Harry, Harry straightening up, our son coming into view.

"Oh my god" I exhaled, Harry being handed the baby, his eyes glistening under the bright white lights before they fell down his cheeks as he stared down at him, carefully holding our son to show me. 

"Look at his cheeks" Harry exhaled, both of our breaths taken away by the sight of our son.

"Second baby's out! It's a boy! Time 7:21pm" Was heard again, my body on the ultimate adrenaline high.

"He looks just like your newborn baby photos, your mom is going to be thrilled" I cried, smiling at my sun, wishing I could hold him; but he was taken away right when we heard the second cry.

Another breath of relief was heard, the team of doctors and nurses doing their tasks before the second baby was brought over, followed by a third  "Baby's out! It's a boy! Time, 7:24pm"

Everything was happening so quickly, I felt like I couldn't fully process the fact that three of my babies are now in the world.

I have triplets.

"You're a dad" I stated, it finally hitting that our dreams were coming true as Harry held our second son, his tiny little body not processing yet.

They were so small.

Three high pitched screams were heard around the room, my eyes falling shut as the noises flooded my brain, each wail, beep, and murmur being etched into my memories. 

"They're cleaning up the babies and getting them under heat lamps" Harry informed me, apparently he could see around us; whereas I'm stuck seeing the ceiling. "One has a getting checked with a stethoscope" 

"Please let them all be okay" I repeated quietly, awaiting the arrival of our baby girl.

"I'm so proud of you Y/N" Harry repeated, his hand brushing away my tears, "You're incredible, love"

The longer it took to hear the arrival of my daughter, the more concerned I got. 

I hated this. Lying here. Helpless. Just waiting. I can't do anything. I'm numbed, trapped on this table.

I can't reposition, I can't push, I can't pull.

I just have to lay here and wait; it was agonizing.

"Baby girl is out, time 7:32pm" 

I held my brain waiting for her cry, my hands shaky, Harry grabbing my left hand and squeezing.

With the quiet cry being drowned out over the boys wails, I felt uneasy.

"Why is she so quiet?" I asked, wanting to scoop them all up and protect them from anything that could be causing them torment.

"The boys could be louder?" Harry said, worry evident in his tone.

Upon further exam, we were informed that she was having difficulty breathing and would be given oxygen, supposedly from being crushed by her brothers.

My heart cracked at the idea of her being squished so much that she was struggling to breath.

Harry didn't even get to hold her before they were all whisked away to the NICU and my stitched up stomach was eventually rolled to the post op room.

I was so tired, my body shaking, but all I wanted was my kids.

I didn't get to have them laid on my chest, or to see them the very second they were born. As silly as it sounds, I felt robbed.

I didn't get to have the dream labor and delivery; and I know it sounds silly and life is unpredictable; but there was no skin to skin. No cut the umbilical cord. No immediate bonding.

Everything was extremely different than I dreamed of. It was to be expected due to having quadruplets, but that didn't change the fact that it felt disappointing.

I wanted the best for them, and they're already hooked up to god knows what sitting alone in a room without me. 

I'm already useless to them.

I sat in the recovery room alone, shaky, tired and sobbing as Harry left to go see the babies in the NICU; my body still numb as I just laid there, tears strolling down my face.

Harry and I were parents, which was a dream come true within itself, and I was incredibly thankful to have my four kids, but laying here, alone.. it just felt dehumanizing.

I was their mother. I was supposed to care, and protect them, to love them. Yet I'm stuck here, alone, just waiting for whenever I'm allowed to see them.

My boobs hurt, aching to feed my babies, and I already knew they'd be on formula due to their being four of them.

I hated feeling defeated.

Like I was already failing and they were just born.

Harry gets to parade around the hospital seeing his children whilst I just lay here, alone, without them.

All I got was a glimpse of my sons before all four were taken away and I was abandoned in this room.

My eyes burned from crying and tiredness, the exhaustion eventually taking over and my body lulling into a sleep.

I woke up to Harry sitting next to me in fresh clothes, cheeks red as he stared down at his phone, his thumb scrolling from right to left.

I just stared for a moment, his head lifting, our eyes meeting.

He looked tired.

"Hi" I whispered, my body still feeling like dried cement.

"Hi" He replied just as softly, shifting closer on his chair, taking my hand and kissing my knuckles.

"How are they?" I questioned, chewing my lower lip as my body ached.

"They're small. I have pictures; I just.. want to warn you, they're um.. they're.."

"They're what, Harry?" I rushed, ready to hop out of this bed no matter how much it hurt, to go find my children.

"They're hooked up to all kinds of stuff. They're so tiny, Y/N. They've got monitors.. and breathing tubes..; their diapers barely fit" He was starting to get choked up as he looked away, swallowing the lump in his throat before sniffling.

"They were born ten weeks early, Harry" I quietly reminded him, knowing I was brave enough to do all kinds of research of what to expect, but Harry wasn't.

He wanted to live in naive land, and just be excepted about their birth.

Harry showed me all the photos and videos he took; Harry's finger bigger than their palm.

Each photo you could see his anchor tattoo, and I swear his hand was bigger than their body.

I broke my heart to see my babies suffering, both of us sat here crying over pictures and videos when asked when I could see them, Harry telling me we had to wait for a nurse to bring me in a wheelchair.

I just wanted to hold them, but I knew from my researching I needed to be prepared for that not to happen.

All I could do was hope that one day all of this hurt, and pain, and worry, would just be a blimp of a memory as I watched them all laugh and play together; snuggling each one into their cozy beds and sending them off to school the next morning.

I knew to take one day a time, one hour even; but if I didn't think about the future, and just stayed in the present, I'd go crazy.

I had to cling onto hope. It was the only way I'd survive however long they were in the NICU for.

* * * * 

Their birth - part one :)

Next parts and Harry + Y/N in the NICU + bringing them home, meeting family etc and then announcing them to the world! 

I'm ngl, I still don't have names.. so we gotta figure that out too lol.

Written on: October 9th and 10th 2023

Published on: October 10th 2023

Word Count: 2997

tags: @ashleighsss @theekyliepage

#harrystyles #harrystylesblurbs #harry styles x yn #harrystylesxreader #harrystylessmut #dadrry #harrystylesoneshot #harrystylesoneshots #harrystylesimagines #harrystylesimagine #harrystyleswattpad #harrystylesfanfiction #harry styles x y/n #harry styles instagram #harry styles social media #harry styles fake social media #harry styles fake ig #harry styles fake instagram #harry styles x pregnant!reader #harrystyleswriting #harries #quadruplethelovehs

[rosecoloredknight]

the way that you very obviously send yourself anons makes me giggle

the last 4 or 5 asks except the "what's my type", and "selfie" where from me. I found it interesting that I could send myself asks instead of . As pathetic as it is, I needed to talk myself out of the last two stressful days. These are the ones I asked myself.

-

-

-

I needed to vent so I asked these three questions for myself because my goodness, did I want to cry all day today and do nothing but wait till they were going to help me. I don't like feeling like I have to depend on people and wait until they find it fitting to do so. Even if it was just going to be me waiting till 2pm to replace the battery. I wanted to feel useful and so I took the battery out myself and walked to Walmart auto shop and boom. I'm really glad I did that. I got triggered when they told me that. It took me back to the year I stopped relying on them and just walked everywhere. Did you see how much I rambled and made a big deal out of nothing? Who else was going to accept my rant!?

—

This one was more of an internal question because of current circumstances and although time has and continues to pass, my affinity towards them will remain. I do stand by tagging them as such because that's honestly how I see them. But it's not because of their body? How do I explain myself without revealing anything but my admiration? Aghh— okay so, obviously they're SEXY AS FUCK ❤️‍🔥. Their body is super adorable with a cute, soft, and gradable tummy/back/hips 💕, their amazing bonkers (sorry if this offended you - but it's true) 💝, thighs to drown in 💘, with a hot juicy ass 💓, and their décolletage/collarbones/shoulders will always have me smitten... But again, that's not why I referred to them as such — To me, they will never be just some sexy body, a "piece of meat", sexual object (ALTHOUGH, I have sexualized about them a bit 😅😐), or an ordinary lewd Tumblr post. Yes, she's a work of art, like sunsets, and reminds of that Bruno Mars locked out of heaven song. However, I've been able to experience just how amazingly awesome they are and see how they are this, as they deal with that and this, and all while being THAT, which to me is one of, if not the most important role? How they're able to deal with all of that makes them a gorgeous hot mess, and despite all of it, they still remain endearing, making them the most beautiful girl out there. sigh, I feel as though I can write about them until the universe dies out. And I'll keep writing afterwards. Anyways, That's why I tag them that way. That being said, because of circumstances, it did make me feel rude and creepy hyping them up yesterday since I don't know if it's okay to do so. I was actually scared and worried about receiving a "cease and desist" dm. So that's why I sent myself that ask: is it okay for me to still hype and woo over? Am I doing this wrong? I hope this made sense.

That being said, that's me 👇🏽 every time I see their sexy pics and I'm not one bit ashamed to admit it.

The Washington ask is just me being excited but having no one else to express my excitement about. I should have just posted an update on it, I just got hooked up with the whole "wait, I can send myself asks?" Thing. Anyways, I am excited and scared about my visit over there. A lot of cars are going to be honking at me and I might be stopped by the popo because I'll most likely be driving too slow :/

—

It feels so refreshing to be honest about this. Yes, I'm extremely pathetic for doing so, but I'd rather talk to myself into madness than bother anyone.

I'm embarrassed, but glad to see you got amused by me being a loser. I was going to stop sending myself asks now that I got caught, but I'll keep it going here and there just to keep you giggling 👍🏽 It feels like you know me well enough to know which are the ones I'll send myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (not anytime soon tho)

Okay, take care anon 😊😊

#asks #i am pathetic #oof #i apologize if this is tmi #but context matters to me and i used this ask as opportunity to just be plain honest about it

[trashytummiez]

Motion Sick Gaming

@squidbiscuit made this amazingly cute pic yesterday of Raihan getting all burpy on his stream from motion sickness.  I had to make this fic after that.  <3

Raihan usually loved livestream gaming.  It was always a really fun way of interacting with his fans and where he got the most donations.  Unfortunately he often tended to forget that some games really go in way too fast and loose with the camera. 

He was playing an FPS about a cyborg who goes up against renegade cyborgs just like him.  Fun game with really reactive controls and intense boss battles but that also meant the camera moved way too fast for Raihan’s eyes to properly keep up.  So all poor Raihan could do was sit in his gamers chair and try his best to soldier on without getting too sick in front of his watchers.

“And that’s the warehouse boss cleared,” Raihan said into his headphone mic.  He sounded groggy already and huffed mildly.  “She really makes you leap’n run all over the place huh...”

He turned his head and held in a burp he felt rising up his throat then cringed at the unpleasant taste in his mouth.

“Ungh, now the park level.  Think this is where I gotta take out all the bad guys in like five minutes or else a bomb kills all the hostages...”

Raihan cringed remembering how fast paced this level was going to be.

Just as he feared it wasn’t long before he had to start blasting his way through terrorists in a gorgeous park setting.  There were so many with rocket launchers that Raihan had to constantly be leaping and using his mouse to quick-fire at every rocket that got shot his way.  The loose camera lurched way too fast with each sharp turn of Raihan’s mouse and made Raihan’s face go a little green.

Not only that but his hoodie covered tummy released a really thick and unpleasant gurgling.

GRRRRUUUUUOOOOOORRGGGL!

Raihan raised a fist to his mouth and muffled a really deep burp that clearly got picked up into his mic.

MMMFUURRRRRRRPH!!!

Raihan huffed making his tongue stick out and revealing his fangs in a more sickly manner.  “Uhaaaah...sorry chat-urp-forgot how wonky the camera in this game is...”

He appeared as if he was sweating a little from how nauseous he was getting.  

One of the chats asked him if he should take a break or play something else.

Raihan managed a weak smile and shook his head.  “Nah it’s fine.  Just gotta be a lil more careful with my aim...”

He kept playing and the level never let up.  Raihan’s character was turning so much he almost resembled an owl which did nothing to ease the growing nausea brewing in his stomach.

Another loud and unpleasant gurgle erupted from his tummy and had Raihan exhaling a deep breath to keep from feeling too sick but it didn’t work.  It was no wonder all the reviews kept criticizing the games camerawork and not having a sensitivity scale to manipulate like any self resecting PC game.  

Raihan paused the came when it to be too much slouching in his chair with his head hanging low.  “Unngh...that’s brutal,” Raihan said with a nauseous huff.

His breath hitched and he leaned back in his chair with one hand on his belly then turned his head to muffle a really wet burp that left him cringing after.

HHHHHHRRRRRRRMMPH!!!!

“Unnnngh, ‘scuse me,” Raihan mumbled in sickly fashion while rubbing his churning belly with one hand.  “Sorry chat.  Really don’t mean to be burping into the mic like that...”

Lot of chats popped up assuring Raihan it was okay or thanking him for playing but saying he didn’t need to if he didn’t want to.  Of course with twitch he also got quite a few chats popping up and practically begging him to burp more.

One popped up suggesting he try ginger ale to see if it would help his tummy problems.  They also donated ten euros if he got the full bottle instead of just a cup.

Raihan huffed again.  “Ungh, thanks for the donation...guess it couldn’t hurt...”

So Raihan took his headset off and got up from his seat with a groan still holding his tummy in one hand when he walked off to grab a drink.  While he was off-camera the chat could hear a really loud and raunchy burp erupt from the kitchen followed by a relieved moan from Raihan.  Some chats popped up lol-ing.  Others posted heart emojis and a few expressed disappointment that he wasn’t on camera to let loose.

He eventually came back with a 2 liter bottle of ginger ale and sat back down.

Raihan huffed again then put his headset back one.  “Alright chat.  Let’s see if this does anything...” 

He unscrewed the bottle and began chugging down.  With his mic so close to his lips it picked up and amplified the sound of his gulping for his watchers.  So many of them fawned over the loud squelch of his throat taking in so much soda.  Others jokingly posted ‘chug chug chug!’  Raihan downed a good portion of the bottle with his eyes clenched shut and letting the ginger settle.  His tummy bubbled heavily from all the carbonated liquid filling him up so fast but he just needed to feel less nauseous.

Eventually he pulled the bottle away and panted heartily inadvertently giving his viewers a good look at the inside of his mouth.

He set the bottle down and huffed some more.  Then there was an audible gurgle that rose up his throat and made his head lurch in his neck for a moment until Raihan released a huge burp right into his mic.

BLLUUUURRRRRROOOOOOOOOOORRRAAAAAHP!!!!!!!

It was so strong that it practically made his volume levels peak.

Raihan leaned back in his chair and rubbed his belly with one hand gasping heavily.  A low burp rolled out from the corner of his mouth exposing his fangs some more and then a tiny after burp.

UUuuuuuuurrrrllloooorlhp!

Urp!

His hand firmly ran up and down his turbulent tummy really digging his fingers into it.  He looked really concentrated like he could feel another one building up inside.  Then he clutched his belly and released a really throaty burp.

HAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUURRRRAAAAAAAAAAHP!!!!

The feed was going nuts with superchats and donations.  Raihan just laughed in an exhausted sort of way and shook his head.  “Faaaah...hah...bloody hell, there’s still more in there,” he said patting his belly a few times and releasing a short but sharp burp after.

Raihan sighed and rubbed his belly in a more satisfied manner humming to himself. 

“Man...that’s way better,” he breathed in relieved fashion to his viewers.  “Brilliant suggestion, mate.  Stomach feels way less grumbly now...but I think I’mma take your advice and cut the stream short theEEEEEEEEEERRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHP!!!”  His sentence was cut short when a raunchy burp cut him off midsentence.

He blushed and covered his mouth.

“...Guess that was the rest I was waiting for...” he said chuckling embarrassingly.

Though he probably shouldn’t have been too embarrassed.  That little display of gaseousness was probably going to see his sub-count surge once the compilations started going out.

Oh the things Raihan did for his fans.

#kink fic #emeto #sick fic #raihan #burping #burp kink #belly rub #soda chug #stomachache #feeling ill #twitch #streaming #gaming

[queensgaybeach1d]

HELLOOO, I just discovered your blog, shame on me. So, I read your masterpost about the stunts in the industry (great work btw) and was wondering how to tell if something is real or purely pr. Would you mind giving me a few pointers ?? Answer however and whenever you can.

Hello Sweetie,

Thank you so much for your lovely words. I would love to help you dig deeper into the PR industry. In fact, I did some research myself and I stumbled upon a great confirmation on how everything works. I think it is just the right fit for you, sweetheart.

Please take your time reading the post and if you have any questions or suggestions, please do not hesitate to ask me. Have a great day and enjoy!

Kisses,

Suman 😊

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How to spot a PR relationship?! 

This post is made for everyone who would like to learn how to spot a fake relationship in Hollywood. This information is supported by a very reliable source. The name of the source is Jack Ketsoyan, he set up two PR relationships himself. If you would try to compare this to your favourite Hollywood couple, you might be surprised of the outcome. I wish you all the best while reading this and if you have any questions/suggestions please do not hesitate to ask. Enjoy! :)

 This is the link of the podcast about the PR relationships (skip to 5.40). I will make a little summary of the very important things Jack said. There is also another man who is speaking about this subject. His name is Christopher and he is a lawyer who has worked with cases like these for a long time.

 (Please note that I am in no way hating on anyone. I have a strong dislike for all ‘’beards’’, but what they do with their lives is their responsibility. Therefore I mean no harm to any of these people. It would be very sad if any of these people would do it because they needed money for their families. If that was the case I would truly feel sorry for them, but the thing is they want to become famous by dating someone else who put his/her hard work in his/her career. That it just not fair. There are plenty of ways to become famous by dedication, hard work and staying yourself.)

I want to give compliments to the lovely @Totallylost4you on twitter. She made me aware of the podcast.

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-’’To hide the artist’s sexuality; boosting of the careers.’’ --> (Louis, Harry, Zayn, Liam and Niall. Also, Kristen Stewart, Cara Delevigne and Taylor Swift) -->

‘’It is more common on the male side than on the female side. There are certain celebrities who were, back in the day, in the closet and it was not okay to be out. We live in a completely different time nowadays, these days being gay is okay. So back in the day that was the biggest secret, it was a big taboo, if a certain high profiled male, the heartthrob is all of a sudden gay, they were not going to get the bigger roles anymore. They were going to be type casted, so that was the big way of hiding things. Them hiding their sexuality was dating a female who would keep them in the limelight basically and cover it up.’’  [about closeting] ‘’Times have changed, it still happens, but a lot has changed.’’ --> There are still people who would not like attending a Harry Styles (the heartthrob) concert when he comes out as gay.

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-’’To be able to sell the hype of it.’’ --> (Whenever a picture of Taylor and Tom or Louis and Eleanor comes out, people are quick to retweet, post and talk about what happened. Within no time the pictures have traveled through the internet. Which automatically means that a lot of people have seen it. All of this gives the label/couple/artist attention and money. --> Whether it is bad attention or good attention, attention means money.) a few examples of these couples are also: Haylor, Zigi and Elounor.

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-’’To sell tickets to concerts or movies.’’ --> 1D world tours and solo tours. That is also why beards like Camille Rowe, Eleanor Calder and Maya Henry attend their concerts. As for movies think about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart (who is gay) fake dating, moments after Twilight came out. Think about 1D bringing their fake girlfriends to the world premiere and Zayn and Perrie getting engaged a second after. The purpose of these events are attention. Sweethearts, whenever people go to these shows/movies all they will focus on is 1D and their ‘girlfriends’. Photos will spread faster than ever and people will talk about how ‘real’ they are. Their aim is to kill two birds with one stone; making them look like a ‘real’ couple whilst promoting their movie/album.

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-’’To sell albums.’’ --> (Zigi, Chiam, Elounor, Hamille, Nailee, Haylor.) Let us be honest, are they not the biggest reasons why antis buy the album? Just to see what stuff they write about their fake girlfriends/boyfriends. Just to see how ‘Camille’ pronounces ‘’Coucou’’or just because Gigi Hadid starred in Zayn’s music video. Or maybe to finally know the ‘truth’ about Taylor’s fake relationships.  

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-’’It's all about the hype at the moment. Especially with the social media world.’’ --> I am going to point out an important thing Jack said. He said ‘’especially with the social media world.’’ Remember when there were only rumours of Louis and Eleanor being back together? The whole fandom tweeted about it. This made it popular and that was the solid moment 1D’s label knew that Elounor 2.0 would do it for them. They would earn a lot by it. The same thing counts for Zigi, Chiam, Haylor, Hamille. Hamille is a good example too. When all of you heard that Harry wrote a song about her and that her voice was going to be included in his song, what happened? Exactly, everyone went nuts and made sure to listen to that exact song. That is exactly what they want. They want that power over you, that is what gives them the money. Another example, how fast do you think solo Zayn stans and Directioners tweeted about a ‘power couple’ when the news broke that Zayn and Gigi are ‘expecting a child’? How fast did people open their social media accounts when Kylie Jenner was pregnant for the Kardashian’s 10th anniversary? (Social media does A LOT. Whenever a picture of Eleanor (beard) and Clifford (Louis’ dog) arrives on the internet, people automatically assume they are together in a room. This, is not the case. That is how convenient social media is to arranged relationships. Why start a rumour by hiring newspapers instead of posting a message on social media? It is much cheaper and more people will know about it in less than four hours.)

Promoting certain brand like Coca Cola (Elounor), YSL, Gucci, Vogue (Zigi) and Hugo Boss are also a part of it. Celebrities wearing those brands make their fans want to buy it too, think of the Kardashians promoting Adidas and other expensive brands. Also think of people like Briana Jungwirth promoting flat tummy tea. This is called ‘celebrity branding.’

Tell me, how many times do you get HQ pic of your PR couple on your phone? People tend to go out of their mind when pictures come out. That is the immediate effect Hollywood has on social media/ you. That gives them the promo they need, even during quarantine the beards post pictures of themselves, making you think they are together when in reality they are not. :)

{About why Jack hooked an arranged relationship up himself} --> ‘’It was more of a mutual agreement between the agents. {Tells a story about an actor getting bad reviews for a movie and in order to let people focus on something else they got the actor a girl, so the media would focus on the girl instead of the bad movie.}’’ -->  ‘’Just a one year deal. Basically they finished of the press and the international press and then they went their separate ways, because she did not want to do a two year deal.’’ {interviewer asks if it worked} --> ‘’It worked.’’ -->  A few examples of (approximately) a one-year deal: Calvin Harris and Taylor Swift, Niall Horan and Hailee Steinfield and Louis Tomlinson and Danielle Campbell. It is also good to point out that the beard can decide whether she wants to continue or not, but the celebrity has to do what the agent arranges.

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{Interviewer asks what reasons people might have to agree to one of these PR relationships} --> Different reasons, that could be to deflect attention away from a controversy (damage control. think of something Larry or Ziam related happening and the next day Zigi and Elouno are papped. Or fans finding out Louis is in the same country as Harry and the next day they will let Elouno do a pap walk. Another example is when Ziammies find out a Zigi picture is photoshopped, the next day you will see Zigi in person. This happens when their stunts fail). So if an actor has drugs and alcohol problems they may want to give the appearance that they have settled down and are in a committed relationships so that they can banked for films. Or they are going to be able to get bonded and get work and people will trust them, because they have settled down. It also could be done to create a brand. Two celebs getting together and 'now there's this tremendous interest about them being a power couple.' [...] We create strong provision against the disclosure of any negative facts against the celebrity - with consequences. So these agreements need to be structured with a hold back of money so that over time if they have complied with the agreement and not disclosed ehh no personal information and violation the agreement then they would be entitled the payment, so under the agreement. " --> The last part might be difficult to understand, because the lawyer uses difficult words, but what he is actually saying is very important. He says if the celebrities who are in the PR relationship have done their part (parading around with each other) then they will receive their money (please correct me if I am wrong). The host also confirmed that contracts like these are the reason why a lot of celebrities do not admit they had a PR relationships.

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Clues on how to spot a PR relationship:

-‘’The main clue you would see is if, you know, a certain high profiled male is dating a female (or when a high profiled female is dating a regular male), who was not high profile. All of a sudden, she is, overnight, the most talked about girl in Hollywood and everyone want a piece of them. That is the biggest thing, you know, it is such a career boost for the female that some females end up taking the deal.’’ --> Zigi, Elounor, Chiam, Brouis, Haylor, Taylor and Calvin. How does the world know Eleanor Calder? Because of Louis Tomlinson. No one knew her before, except her family. How did Gigi gain so many followers? Because she started dating Zayn Malik. Gigi already had a platform for herself, but she gained a lot of followers by dating Zayn. Zayn also gained followers by dating Gigi. Gigi needed promo and Zayn was in the spotlight, because he just ‘left 1D.’ This made him the perfect target. I hope all of you also notice that when beards/fake girlfriends post pictures of them with their fake boyfriend, it gets way more likes than their usual pictures.

{What was the benefit for the girl in the scenario?} --> ‘’Ehm, she has a huge career at the moment. She benefit from that by becoming a household name (someone that is well known) and getting bigger roles than she would have. She would use to be the 3rd or the 4th lead in any auditions or any jobs that she was getting. She then became the first lead. She got a great career boost out of it, for sure.’’ --> Gigi Hadid, Eleanor Calder, Sophia Smith, Cheryl Cole, Maya, Camille Rowe and Kendall Jenner are just a few examples.

How did the world know Townes? Because ‘Harry named’ her in one of his songs. How did the world know about Maya Henry? Because Liam Payne started dating her. Before this, she was just a fan. How did Cheryl Cole get the attention back? Because of baby gate and by fake dating Liam Payne. How did Briana gain so many followers? Because Louis Tomlinson fans gave her the attention and because she participated in faking a pregnancy. How did Shawn and Camilla become a couple in the spotlight? Because people have always shipped them, ever since the beginning and their label gave the fans what they wanted. How did Kim Kardashian become famous? A *** tape of her and Ray J leaked and she became famous. Now, she is a lot richer and more famous than he is. A quick note, not many people know how Kim Kardashian became famous. They only really know her from Keeping Up With The Kardashians. The newer generation does not know about the tape scandal, and that is what they do. You need to dig a little deeper to see that. This all is an on-going cycle and it will not stop unless we all stop believing it. 😊

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  What do they do in order to make a PR relationship look real?

{Interviewer asks what the clauses in an arranged relationships contract are} --> ‘’An arranged relationship is estranged by definition. So certainly we are going to see requests that are equally odd. They are certainly going to have requirements as to how they hold themselves out to the public as a couple. This would mean appearances at award shows, parties or events together as a couple and that there would be requirements maybe for specific events.’’ --> Eleanor attending Jay’s wedding and being ‘maid of honor’, Calvin and Taylor at Award shows, Elounor at the fashions show 2013, Haylor and their NYE ‘kiss’, Zigi at the MET gala and Chiam at the Brits, celebs at after parties with their ‘girlfriends’. All of these couples have also pictures with each other’s family members. That made a lot of you think they are close and real, well my loves, now you finally know that it is all part of a PR stunt. The fake girlfriends also have to look supportive, that is why they have to be there at concerts, soccer matches, award shows etcetera. 😊

Remember when Eleanor (beard) posted a picture of herself and in the background you could see a picture of her and Louis in 2012 and ‘Louis’ written on a board? Remember when she posted a picture of herself with her and Louis’ boots in the background in 2018? All of these things are there to make it look like they truly live together and  that they truly own each other’s stuff. The same thing counts for Haylor’s airplane necklace. Do you genuinely think they did that by accident? No, that is the purpose of the whole picture. 😊

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‘’Then there is going to be particularly some none disclosure issues surrounding them as to what cannot be said about the relationship and what needs to be said. There could be a script even as to what they have to say if asked about the relationships. There would be photo sessions showing them as a couple. And then I have seen issues of sexual relationships and specific whether this would happen or not happen in an agreement. But if it is truly a PR relationships then sex would not be a part of that relationship, because it is not real.’’ --> Loves, do you remember a moment when someone asked a celebrity about his/her relationships and they stuttered and looked uncomfortable, or they just said something wrong or embarrassing or tried to talk themselves out of it? Well, that happens when you have to make up stuff that never happened.  Louis Tomlinson confirmed his interviews are scripted, so this one is just an extra thick layer of confirmation. I also recall Gigi doing a live and someone asked about Zayn and she just stuttered and looked away, not knowing how to answer a question. (I think there have definitely been times when two people who were in an arranged relationship gave different answers to the same question, why? Because they do not know anything about each other.) Here is an example of a moment that is repeated and scripted about Louis’ ‘relationship’ with Eleanor, even know we have legit proof that is not what happened:

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Now I can hear all your lovely brains working and thinking whether a celebrity is willing to sign a contract like that or if their label is making them sign it. Well, if you have read my previous masterpost about the music industry you can see confirmations of the label making the artist their puppet. They own you, so if they think you should have a girlfriend to hide gay rumours then they will give you one. ‘A label cannot force you anything’, but it does make you sign a contract. When you sign the contract without reading it carefully, then your label will mess you up. In those contracts they do not write ‘’Taylor Swift has to agree to arranged relationships.’’ They write stuff like ‘’When signing the contract, Taylor Swift allows the label to make changes in order to get her to fame.’’ Of course Taylor (and other artists) would think that they mean changing her outfit and looks, but no. The label thinks being gay is something that will not get people enough fame. So what do they do? They change her, they change her sexuality. They closet her and even though Taylor and other LGBTQ artists do not want that. You cannot deny because when you do so, the label will show you the contract you signed. A contract like that is never written literally, they can manipulate their words. To the label ‘’being gay or a part of the LGBTQ+ community’’ falls under ‘’making changes’’ in order to make her famous. Of course there are celebrities who willingly closet themselves for various reasons. I hope to create a single post about how devious these contracts are for you all! 😊

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Here are a few things I hope you have learned from this: 😊

 - Fake relationships still exist and they will always exist. It has been confirmed, so no one can deny this anymore.

 - The girl and boy have to go to special events, such as award shows, family dinners and weddings in order to make it look real.

 - Homophobia is still a thing and the biggest reason why arranged relationships exist.

 - The beard has a contract too, so your idol has no say in how long she can or cannot stay. If she does good then she will stay. (I see many people say that Louis chose Eleanor because they are friends and that is why she is back, but he actually has no say in anything. Your idol is their product to sell. Your idol is basically a marionette.)

 -The PR team does everything to make it look like they are truly together, think of photos of each other in each other’s homes and ‘personal gifts.’

 -Celebrities get an enormous boost on their social media accounts when they start being part of an arranged relationship. Something I have always thought was a bit odd, is the fact that Eleanor never created an insta account until her and Louis’ ‘relationship’ had its peak; in the middle of June 2012. When in reality, insta was created in 2010. She also created twitter in 2012. Exactly when the first few big events were attended by them. (I genuinely think she did that, because everyone wanted to see more of her. Plus, she has always wanted to be a fashion blogger and this was her ‘big moment’ to do so.)

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The credits for this post go to @Totallylost4you. They made me aware of the podcast and they continue to shine light on hidden treasures like this one. They also hardly get credits for their solid hard work and I hope they will continue doing this! Thank you!

Thank you so much for your attention. If you have any question/suggestion, please do not hesitate to ask/tell me! I wish all of you the best and please stay safe. Have an amazing day!

#pr stunt #pr industry #music industry #pr relationships #damage control #arranged relationships #celebrities #fake relationships #zerrie #elounor #hamille #hendall #haylor #chiam #zigi #masterpost #masterproof #closeting #homophobia #hollywood #secrets #jack ketsoyan #pr strategy #brands #taylor swift #kylie jenner #kardashians #one direction #celebrity branding #label

[calumance]

can you write something about maybe when the reader was pregnant cal would post a monthly update it would be ultra sound with the reader and cal and duke and every month her belly would grow bigger with every family photo and all the fans would look forward to a monthly post because he was always so inactive on instagram and it’s just fluff around and maybe cal having a baby photoshoot and taking pics of mama 😭😭😭

UM YES. This is so fucking cute, oh my LORD. 😭😭😭

        The minute Calum’s eyes landed on the positive pregnancy tests, his eyes filled with tears. A smile stretched across his face, a happy laugh escaped his chest. His hands reached up towards his hair and he pulled at his blonde locks in disbelief that you were carrying his child. “Are you serious?” He asked as the tears finally spilled from the rim of his eyes. You nodded, there were four positive tests there, it’s unlikely that four positives would be false. He dropped his hands from his hair and threw his arms around you. You cried with him, happy that your efforts to have a baby have finally paid off. The second he let go of you, and collected himself, he pulled out his phone and arranged the positive tests in an aesthetically pleasing way and snapped a picture. He smiled and looked at you, “This is too exciting to not post.”

        Calum posted the picture to Instagram, with the caption “Baby Hood currently in the making.” The picture immediately blew up. There were thousands of likes, and thousands of comments. After all, it was the first picture Calum had posted in a long time. All of the comments expressed the happiness and excitement for you and Calum. As much as the comments made you feel good, it didn’t matter because Calum was making you feel even better. Always kissing your stomach and always making sure you felt okay. “How are you feeling today?” He asked when you came out of the bedroom after waking up.

        Your hand was over your stomach, having just thrown up for the third morning in a row. “Not well, I’m already super over this morning sickness thing.” Even though you had brushed your teeth, your mouth still tasted rotten. You licked your lips and walked into his open arms.

        “I read that you should eat fruits and carbs for breakfast. So I made you some potatoes and a bowl of mixed fruit to help ease your tummy.” Calum said pointing to the small breakfast he had prepared for you.

        Your heart melted, how was he doing more reading on pregnancy than you were? “You really made me breakfast?” You asked him, the rise in hormones getting ready to make the tears burst from your eyes. He nodded and smiled, looking at you. You started crying, and you laughed, “These stupid hormones, I don’t know why I’m crying.”

        Calum laughed and placed his finger under your chin to tilt you head up. He kissed the tears on your cheeks before kissing your lips. “It’s okay, you’re still absolutely beautiful.”

        The tears poured more and you laughed again, “Stop it!” You playfully pushed against his chest as he laughed and kissed you harder.

**

        The first month finally passed, and the morning sickness was starting to slow. Especially with all of Calum’s helpful hints and tricks to get it to subside. You had just finished at the doctor and was looking at the picture of the ultra sound, a small laugh escaping from your chest. “What’s so funny?” Calum asked you as he started the car.

        You shook your head and looked up at him. His eyes twinkled in the sunlight just before he slid his sunglasses onto his nose. You could barely take your eyes off him, they always talk about women having a pregnancy glow, but no one ever mentioned the glow men get when they find out they’re going to be a dad. “Nothing.” You say after swallowing, “It’s just so hard to believe. I mean, look at this.” You pointed to the ultrasound in your hand. The picture showing something that was starting to resemble a baby. You stared at the ultrasound and smiled, “That’s our baby, our baby that’s growing inside of me.” You shook your head again. Calum laughed and drove off.

        Once you got home, you hoped in the shower, feeling a bit grimy from the doctor’s office. When you got out of the shower, you looked at your phone and smiled when you saw Calum had uploaded a picture of your ultra sound to Instagram. The caption reading “Boy or girl?” You chewed on your bottom lip as you scrolled through the comments. After a few minutes, you added your own comment, “I vote boy” with a blue heart next to it.

**

        Calum continued the trend of uploading a picture every month, showing off your bump and how it was growing. The fans always impatiently waiting for the next update. When Calum had posted a picture from the gender reveal party, egg yolk all over his head, dyed blue egg shells in his hand, the fans lost their minds. Lost their minds in the best way, that is. Suddenly, Calum kept getting baby gifts at their shows, and their interviews. Even though you and Calum were absolutely ecstatic about the baby, it was funny to see how excited the rest of the world was.

        On the eighth month of your pregnancy, Calum decided to put his photography skills to use. You dressed yourself in a cute sundress that highlighted your large belly and you traveled to the backyard where Calum shot an impromptu photoshoot with you. Including himself in some funnier pictures, like the one where he pretended to have a baby bump and you laughed at him. The last picture being a sweet one where he held onto your belly and pressed a loving kiss to your lips. You scrolled through the pictures he posted, a huge smile sitting on your lips. Calum looked over at you and laughed, “What are you smiling at?”

        “Those pictures you took are amazing.” You said lifting your eyes from your phone. “It’s like you somehow captured everything we’ve been excited for in ten pictures.” Calum blushed and you set your phone down and opened your arms asking him to come closer to you. He crawled on the couch and placed himself so he could hover over you and rub circles with his hand over your belly. Your fingers trailed down his neck as his eyes stared into yours. His eyes full of love, and lust, and every emotion in between. “I love you so much.” You said as your gaze flickered to his lips and then back to his eyes. Without another word, he connected his lips to yours, a needy and loving kiss.

**

        Finally, you welcomed your precious baby boy into the world. You kept him to yourself for a while before announcing his arrival to the world. It wasn’t until after your families and the boys had met him, that you finally decided to show him off. Calum set the camera up in the backyard again and did another photoshoot. He took pictures of you holding him, and then your switched so you could take pictures of him holding him. After Calum was satisfied with all of the pictures, you walked back inside and placed your son in his bouncer, sitting on the couch and leaning your elbows on your knees so you could stare at him.

        Calum came in with his camera and sat next to you. “I posted the pictures so everyone would stop bugging me for an update.” He said with a laugh.

        You smiled and pulled your phone out of your pocket. You swiped through the pictures he posted and tears started to form. All of the comments full of happiness and welcomes. Everyone was more than excited to finally see Baby Hood as everyone called him. You blinked away the tears and continued to read the comments. “I know that everyone loves him, but I don’t think anyone can love him more than you and I do.”

        Calum smiled and scooted closer to you on the couch so he wrap his arms around you. You placed your phone on the cushion next to you and wrapped your arms around him in return. He placed his chin on the top of your head and said, “I know. I love him more than anything in this world.” He placed a kiss on the top of your head, “Next to the woman who gave him to me.”

        You looked up at him and blushed, “I love you, Calum.” He smiled and pressed his lips to yours, silently telling you he loved you back.

************

Tag list: @mantlereid @notinthesameguey @viiirg0 @wheniminouterspace @thinkofmehlgh @another-lonely-heart @limer-encia

#asks #anon #requests #calum hood #Calum Hood blurb #Calum Hood oneshot #Calum Hood imagine #Calum Hood fic #Calum Hood fan fic #Calum Hood fan fiction #Calum Hood writing #Calum Hood 5 seconds of summer #Calum Hood 5sos #calum hood x reader #reader insert #calum #calum blurb #calum oneshot #calum imagine #calum fic #calum fan fic #calum fan fiction #calum writing #calum 5 seconds of summer #calum 5sos #calum x reader #dad!cal #dad!calum #dad!calum hood #dad!sos

[zankivich]

Neighbors: Shawn x Plus Size Reader Chapter 16

a/n: this felt good to write. It feels like a natural progression. it’s a lot of y/n and a lot of internal reflection. I hope you like that. I hope that it’s worth it in the end. I really tried to do them justice. 

Warnings: some really sad, angst smut. some internal reflection on past traumas. mentions of alcoholism. 

*y/n point of view*

“W--What?” He whispered. “Wait, what?”

“Shawn I--”

“Not right now! I just need a minute okay?!”

You listen to him to shuffle around probably in order to find a place to be alone. This definitely isn’t how you thought about telling the news. In fact you weren’t quite sure you’d ever share it with him at first. But, now he’s here offering you everything you ever wanted...at least up until twenty-four hours ago. And you can’t help but feel like it’s too late.

“Listen, I know I fucked up. I know I fucked up worse than anyone ever could but...we’re us! I can’t even imagine us not finding our way back to each other. There’s so much for us to talk about, and I have so much to make up for...Just let me come home and we can talk and--”

“There is no home anymore.” You interject.

You can hear his heart accelerating. This was usually the point where you reached for his hands to still them. He just happens to be on a different continent at the moment.

“Y/n what are you saying? Of course there is. We’re neighbors. We--We have each other’s keys.”

“I’m moving out of my apartment.” You blurted.

“You’re moving?” He gasped, voice a little shallower, a little more wet. “Honey you--you don’t need to do that. Please, don’t do that.  I know that I hurt you and I’m so unbelievably--”

“It’s not about you. Well, I guess maybe it kind of is, but not like that. Gina offered me a six month sabbatical. She’s gonna let me keep my salary, and I basically just get to travel the world I guess? Do some soul searching? I don’t know I’ve never really gone to many places besides Canada. Till I met you. This is my chance. To get a clean break, to figure out who the hell I want to be.”

You know it sounds like it’s a clean break from him, but it really isn’t. Or maybe it is. There’s far too many details for you to have it all figured out.

“That is...That’s so beautiful. I’m happy for you. It’s uh--it’s what you deserve.” He mumbled. “What does that mean then. For you and me.”

Wasn’t that the million dollar question?

“I think it means that...I’m gonna do my thing, and you’re gonna do yours.”

It sounded so much easier said than done. It sounded as if you hadn’t spent the past month crying over him, like your whole world hadn’t shattered the moment he left you.

“But I--I haven’t been able to breathe since you left.”

There’s a small part of you that finds comfort in his struggle. Not maliciously. But the break up had killed you in a way that no other moment in your life had ever quite accomplished. You felt like a little kid again, when everything that happened was the most important thing to ever happen. Shawn had made you feel like the world could be so much better than you ever thought. He had made you feel happy and special and important and sexy and everything that only you had been able to make yourself feel so long. And when he was gone, all of your training on how to do it yourself was gone. You felt shallow. Lost. Broken. Knowing that it might be possible that he felt the same way made you feel a little less crazy, if only a little.

“I wish that I could allow that to matter right now. I want that to matter but...I don’t think it’s healthy for me to put you first right now. And I don’t think it’s healthy for you to do it either.”

“But you’re...you’re my best friend. I love you so much.” He sniffled.

You closed your eyes as the tears found their way to you again. It’d been weeks and still you couldn’t control it.

“I love you too.” You sighed through the tears. “But maybe we need to learn how to do it on our own for a little while. Maybe that’s what you wanted when you left me and you just didn’t know how to say it.”

He’s silent for a long time. And you don’t know what to say so you stay silent too. It still hurts. There’s still a festering deep inside that you don’t know what to do with. And you don’t want to hate him because he means too much for that. So all you can do is hope and pray that he lets you do this, because it might be the only way to salvage your memories of him.

“Can I ask you something?” Shawn asked, voice soft and withdrawn.

You nodded as if he could see you.

“Yea.”

“Did you take your necklace off?”

It feels left field at first. You peer down at your neck where the swallow still is, and you think maybe you know what he’s getting at.

“No, I didn’t.”

He took a deep breath and let it go, voice a little lighter.

“Okay. Okay, if this is what you need then of course. I’d be a piece of shit to try and stop you. Whenever you’re ready just come find me. I’ll wait as long as you need.”

“Shawn what if--”

He interrupts you this time. “I’ll wait as long as you need, y/n. You’re all I’ve got to wait for.”

It’s final. He’s not willing to discuss it, and a part of you can’t help but want the security of hoping that he’ll still be there no matter what.

“Just don’t...don’t cancel your fucking tour idiot.” You huff. “You love music more than anything.”

“Not quite.” He admitted softly. “Not anymore.”

There’s another weighted silence between the two of them. Another round of having so many things that you want to say to someone, and there just not being enough time.

“I’m gonna go now. Congrats on the show tonight...you looked good.”

You can practically feel him smile. “You watched it?”

“I did. Good night, Shawn.”

“Good night, y/n.”

***

The first place that you fly to is coincidentally Italy. After a little research, it seemed to be a good time of year, less touristy, and you actually had some pretty good flyer miles after all the trips to see Shawn. You rent a small little place on airbnb near the water and it’s literally just you, just you and yourself and no one else. Sure, it wasn’t that different than life before your relationship, but in the aftermath of the break up it felt like a completely foreign concept. You woke up and the day was yours. There were no projects, no phone calls to be made, no marketing meetings or logistics. The most complicated part of your day was whether or not you were going to go down to the beach in a bikini or not. The answer was, abso-fucking-lutely you were.

There’s sunshine and warmth and so much fucking food everywhere. And you’re alone. And that’s okay. It needs to be.

At first it’s all about filling your day with things. You try out five different restaurants, go to three bars, and find a place to get gelato in between. All in one day. You post pictures on instagram with your tits out on full display in a bikini that was sure to make the masses upset, and you just didn’t care. You weren’t doing it for anyone, but yourself. It was your body and your happiness and you were responsible for both. At the end of the day you’d get back to the villa and pass out immediately. But, it meant you weren’t thinking, weren’t reveling, weren’t hurting. Or, so you thought.

You visit Rome, Venice, Florence, and Milan. You’re sitting on another beach somewhere with your toes in the sand and your body wet and warm on a towel when your phone starts to vibrate.

Shawn: Can we talk right now? Need to tell you something.

y/n: I suppose so.

“Hi.” He murmured softly.

And there it was. That thing in your tummy, whether it was a tightening of the muscles, or a flipping of your internal organs. It was a feeling that no one but him could ever make you feel with such ease.

“Hi.”

“You’re in Italy.” He noted. “It looks beautiful. I’ve always wanted to vacation there sometime.”

“How’d you know?”

“Oh you uh...your insta. All the pictures of the--the you know, sites and what not.”

You snorted and let your head nestle back into the comfort of your towel.

“Yes the sites. Surely this has nothing to do with the bikini pic I posted this morning.”

“Bikini, aye? No I guess I missed that one. Must be the timezones. I’m sure you look incredible though. Probably even breathtaking if I were to see it. Which, I have not yet.”

It is incredible how easy it is for the two of you. How quickly you can just fall into that comfort. He had really become your best friend more than anything, more than a lover even. When shit happened to you whether it was good or bad, you could never think of anyone else to talk to. Shawn was always your person. And that’s a hard habit to break.

“Okay big guy, why don’t you tell me what it is you need from me.”

“Right. Well I uh I’ve been writing a lot lately. And uhm, it’s been really helping me in terms of getting through the tour and trying to reestablish some of the passion that I felt like I lost.”

“Well that’s great. I’m glad you’re happy.”

“Sure, I guess. Thank you. The uh label wants to do a few releases while I’m on tour. The way music is being released in the digital spotify age now is so incredibly competitive that artists are kind of heading in the direction of having singles between albums.We can thank Ariana for that.”

You smiled softly. “I’m sure there’s a point in here somewhere.”

“Yes. It’s just that...all the songs that I’ve written are completely and totally about you and for you. And I know you’re in Italy and you might be going somewhere else soon, but I didn’t want the first time you here these lyrics to be on the radio somewhere. I wanted it to be because I shared them with you.If you’re willing. If you want to hear them.”

It’s a lot to ask, which definitely explains him wanting to call. In all of your time traveling you had yet to actually sit down and think through some of the hurt that Shawn had left you with. You hadn’t even begun to touch the whole, “is he the one thing”. The fear was that by listening to these songs it might set you back in your healing, in your ability to move on. If that was in fact what you were doing.

“I--I don’t know. Are they sad?” You mumbled.

He chuckled. “Well, If I Can’t Have You was originally a ballad with a super dramatic piano. I think I might have played it that night I called you? It was a lot sadder then. Teddy helped turn into what I’m being told is a ‘summer bop’. I’ve got both versions if you want to hear them”

“Will either of them help me understand you more?”

The real question of course being was it ever going to explain how he could be supposedly in love with her, and then drop her like a bad habit all at once.

He paused. “I’ll answer any question you have, honey. You know that.”

Yea. No thanks.

“‘M not ready.”

“Okay. Okay, that’s okay. I can be okay with that.How about I send you the files in an email and you just...just listen whenever you want. If you want. I’ll send you the release dates too.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Well uh… I guess that’s all I had to say.”

“Goodbye Shawn.”

You tossed your phone into your beach bag and close your eyes stubbornly. You really needed to get him off your mind.

***

Your birthday finds you getting a deep tissue massage that is the most action you’ve gotten since leaving for the damn trip. It’s an insignificant birthday and you had been traveling so much that it doesn’t feel all that special in the grand scheme of things. You reply to the birthday texts. Do a facetime call with Stu so he knows you’re still alive. You get day drunk and walk through old cobble stoned streans looking at beautiful buildings and not having to say a word to anyone, because they wouldn’t even understand you if you tried. It’s lovely. Shawn doesn’t call and it’s fine. You’re fine.

There’s a beautiful restaurant that sits on the edge of a hill right where the sun melts into the earth as it sets. You feel oddly at peace as you eat, your sixth glass of wine from the day twirling in your fingers when your phone goes off.

Shawn: Hey?

y/n: Yea?

Shawn: I just wanted to say happy birthday. I planned on calling but I think you’re like 10 hours ahead of me right now and I’m stuck on vocal rest. I also didn’t really know if you’d want me to.

It soothes a broken part of you that thought that he’d forgotten. After All you’d never actually gotten to spend a birthday with him since you’d met in the fall. A part of you wants to cry a little bit, but you’re not drunk enough to be that honest with yourself.

y/n: No worries. You don’t owe me anything.

Shawn: Yea, well I never needed to owe you anything, I just always wanted to give you everything. I’m sorry we’re not spending this day together. It would’ve meant a lot to me to celebrate you.

y/n: yea. Probably would’ve been fun. We always knew how to party.

Shawn: I got you a present months ago but I can’t send it to your apartment anymore obviously, and I didn’t know what part of the world you would be in. Maybe you’ll let me give it to you someday.

He sends you a picture of this book. It’s got no words on the front, just a pretty smooth cover. It isn’t until he describes it to you that your whole world falls apart. He’d somehow managed to scrape together the recipe for every single thing you’d ever made together, or for him, and had someone make it into an actual book. It was literally a story of your relationship and your love through the thing that mattered to you most. He had left some empty pages in the hope that you would continue it together. And that just stung worse than anything.

The waiter sends you a very worried glance as you begin to sob over your pasta. But really, what else was the alternative? What other result could there have been?

Y/n: well shit Shawn. That’s really fucking sweet. I’m sobbing over my bolognese.

Shawn: I never wanted to make you cry. I’ve only ever wanted to make you happy. I love you. I know it’s not fair right now. But it’s my truth.

Y/n: I know, Shawn. I know.

Shawn: I didn’t mean to mess with you on your birthday. We can talk another time. Just have fun alright? Buy a round on me okay?

Y/n: I’ll do my best. Bye Shawn.

Shawn: Bye.

He venmos you enough to buy a round for a whole damn bar. You try not to think about how much it hurts when you find a place to take a shot. You try not to think about him at all.

***

You’re drunk. You’re in a foriegn city that is so beautiful it hurts and your body is full of alcohol. You kind of want a french fry. There’s man on the dance floor who’s been eyeing you all night and it hasn’t even occurred to you to give him the time of day. Even now, right now, if it weren’t for how good the music was you probably would’ve gone home. But instead you let him buy you a drink. And you let him take you on the dance floor. He’s good with his hips and he’s good at manipulating your body. It’s fun.

You’re wearing a dress that stops mid thigh and he tugs at the fabric as you grind to the beat. You’re not sure where the cut off is, where it goes from being dancing and fun to this level of discomfort. Perhaps it’s when your mind sends you an image of Shawn at New Year’s doing the cabbage patch for you. Perhaps it was the reminder than no one but Shawn had touched your body in months, and that you have been so fucking okay with that fact. For whatever reason you pull away from the guy and stumble home with tears of frustration, bitterness, and a little hurt in your eyes. You’re still not processing. You’re deflecting.

In your bed that night you can’t help but reach for the phone, your fingers doing things that a sober you hopefully would’ve known better about. But in the moment your fingers are tugging at this thong that Shawn had pulled off with his teeth once and when it comes to wanting and longing, he’s the only one that you can find yourself reaching for.

“Y/n? Sweetheart it’s two oclock in the morning.” Shawn groaned across the line. “What’s wrong?”

You peer over at the alarm clock on the bedside table. Wherever he is, you’re in the same time zone oddly enough. Maybe it was fate instead of a stupid ass drunken decision.

“I can’t fuck anyone else.” You mumbled.

“I’m sorry?”

“I can’t...I can’t even think about the prospect of sex without your big fucking head in the picture.”

You giggle a little to yourself fingers probing gently at your entrance. He was silent for a long while, long enough for your drunk mind to startle when he finally speaks.

“Were you...was there someone?” He asks quietly.

You roll your eyes up at the ceiling. “No. Just some guy I danced with for a song or two.I don't even remember what he looked like.”

He takes a deep breath and you wonder aimlessly what the hell you would do if he fucked someone else. How that might make you feel. You’d rather just fuck him instead.

“Well, it sounds like you’ve been drinking. Are you somewhere safe?”

“Yes. Where are you?”

“I’m in my hotel room, honey. It’s the middle of the night.”

Men. So naive.

“I miss you.” You hinted.

“I miss you too, y/n. So much.”

Your thighs clenched in agitation and you huffed up at the ceiling.

“No Shawn. I miss you. Please try to keep up here.”

It takes him a minute.

“Oh...oh. I don’t know about that. You’ve been drinking.”

“Have you ever known me to do something that I don’t want to do?” You asked him. “I’m consenting, Shawn.”

“I--I know I just...I don’t want you to ever regret us. Or anything that we’ve done. I’ve made such a mess of things, y/n. And I really, really want to be able to fix them. I love you.”

You’re not exactly in a talking mood. This isn’t about anything more than the fact that you need to get off and for whatever horrid reason, he’s the only one you can do that with. There’s still something ugly and mean in your heart. And you’ve not yet reached a place where anything positive is going to come out of this.

“Look, this is a virtual booty call. Nothing more, nothing less. Either you can do the one thing that you’ve never hurt me with, or I can go to bed a little frustrated. It’s up to you.”

It’s manipulative. You’re tapping into his incessant need to make you happy, and also into this very wounded part of himself that knew that he’d failed you, knew that he’d done something wrong. None of this is healthy. None of this is okay. But you don’t care. You just want to get off, and yea maybe you wouldn’t mind if it hurt him a little bit too.

“Okay. Okay, what do you want me to do?” He whispered.

“I want you to touch yourself.” You hum fingers dipping into your core where you’re already wet and needy. “Just like I am.”

There’s something about it being something that you’ve never done before that makes it feel not as wrong. Shawn was a little skittish about saving anything to his phone, so sexting and phone sex had never gone on the table. Tonight you’re just tapping into the ability to make each other feel something, to make each other reach heights that no one else can.

“I miss stroking you,” You admit softly.

He sighed. “Really?”

“Yea. You always get hard so quickly for me. I just have to trace my finger over that one vein and your thigh always twitches. Is it twitching now?”

His voice is a little lighter.

“Y--Yea.”

“Do you miss my mouth on you?”

“God, y/n. Of course I do. No one’s ever sucked me off like you before. You take me so good.”

You bite your lip to stifle the moans and it’s only because he’s not there to make you be loud, to tug at your lip with his thumb as he pounds you. But then you remember the reason he’s not there and it’s like starting all over again.

“Want you to touch me.” you mumbled trying to clear your mind. “What would you do?”

Shawn at first glance was the adorable puppy dog type. That surely didn’t translate to the bedroom. He had said some of the filthiest things to you with a single curl hanger over his eye and no one, not even his fans who seemed to know where he was at every waking moment, was around to witness it. Even now, with all of the distance--both physical and emotional--between you, he can still get you going immediately.

“I guess I’d just want to eat you out. I love the way that you taste. And the way you always coat my mouth with your juices. I just...fucking love pleasing you. Nothing gets me harder than when you grind against my face and make yourself cum.”

Your back arches and you groan out into your hotel room.

“God when you bump your nose against my clit, it drives me crazy. And when you suck on my thighs?”

“Fuck. Love marking you up. I miss the way you cry out for me when I make you squirt. Have you squirted since we made love last?”

You bit your lip an upset feeling hitting your stomach that you couldn’t rationalize, couldn’t understand. So you just tried to make it go away.

“No. No one makes me squirt like you.”

“Miss you.” He whined, voice breathy and desperate. “Miss the way you clench around me when I’m inside you.”

Your fingers speed up on your clit, your hips buck a little bit. He’s getting you there already and it’s wild.

“Fuck, Shawn!”

“Are you close?”

“Mhm. Are you?”

“Yea. Fuck baby I wish you were here.”

“Shut up. Not now. Just make me cum.”

Your words both turn to pants as you grunt and cry out for one another. Your orgasm builds in your toes and ripples through your entire body. It’s the first orgasm you’ve had since Amsterdam. For a moment it’s just the two of you trying to catch your breath. You’re drunker than you were an hour ago. There’s no doubt. He makes you fucking crazy.

“Y/n...What was that?” Shawn mumbled.

“I don’t know. I--I don’t know. I gotta go. Good night.”

***

There’s a bad taste in your mouth when you wake up the next day. Part of it is whatever the hell you drank the night before, which was quite frankly a little hazy. But, there’s something else there too. And you’re not even sure what it is at first. You’re naked in bed and the sun shines in through the windows so you dive under the covers to get away from it. And that’s where your phone is. That where it all sort of falls apart.

Shawn: Hey I’m sure you’re still asleep but I can’t really get this off my mind and I just needed to be honest with you.

Shawn: I can’t do that, whatever that was last night, again. Idk why but it just made me feel weird. I kinda feel like maybe you were using me or trying to get back at me? Which I guess I deserve

Shawn: I know I fucked everything up. The thing is is that I love you. I never stopped. And I don’t think I ever could. So just go figure your shit out. However long that takes, and I’ll be here waiting. But we probably shouldn’t talk for a while. I think it could help us both. I love you honey. So much. Have a great rest of your trip.

Your heart drops to your stomach as all the memories come rushing back. And it wasn’t just him being able to make you cum at all. It was his hesitance. It was the intimate sharings of your thoughts and feelings for him when your relationship was in such disarray. You told him things that night that had never come up, and he offered you the same. It wasn’t the right space, and yet you had given him an ultimatium as if him having phone sex with you would help anything.  He seemed to know you better than you knew yourself. Somehow you had hurt the both of you last night and you had nothing to show for it. If Shawn was willing to go without speaking though it meant you had truly, deeply hurt him. You had thought that might help make you feel better, but it had the opposite effect of course.

You don’t know what to say so you don’t say anything. And you can only hope that that doesn’t hurt him even more.

***

You take a ferry to Barcelona. And listen to Ed Sheeran’s Barcelona far too long. You spend a long time looking at the water and applying sunscreen and trying to remember another time in your life where you felt so out of touch. In college you had been entirely school focused, except for all the drunk shenanigans you and Stu would get up to. And then it had been the career and making yourself stable enough to never have to return home. Somewhere along the line after one too many assholes, you had stopped trying to find a relationship entirely. So you did hook ups, you did casual sex, and that was it. And that had been perfectly fine.

The problem with Shawn was that he had created a need in your heart that you weren’t prepared for. His yearning to know you in all of your complexities, to be there for you, to support you. No one had ever offered that before. And it wasn’t that you’d grown used to it necessarily, but dammit you had begun to try. It just so happened that for every wall he knocked down, there were five more already up and at attention. You weren’t perfect by any means. You were honestly probably a little fucked in the head. But you loved him. You had given in at some point. And he let you down. So, why in the entire hell should you allow him the opportunity to do it again?

There seemed to be a part of you that was jumping up and down and screaming, “I told you so!”. It hurt. It hurt so bad. You kept reliving the moment when it connected for you. When you realized that he was leaving you, he was just too much of a coward to say it out loud. You weren’t good enough. Not for Shawn. Maybe not for anyone long term. The thing that you had known all along from the beginning had come true with such startling reality. You had just been beginning to let go. You weren’t sure that you could do that again.

You stay at this beautiful bed and breakfast type place that was nestled right in the heart of the city where all of the museums and the shops were. You visit the La Boqueria, this large market that seemed to serve anything known to human. You spent an entire afternoon at one of the bars drinking and watching the locals. It was revitalizing in a way.You read books and sit in cafes and look at the architecture of everything around you. It’s all sort of beautiful and historical and vastly different than home. It’s perfect there.

It’s at one of the cafes that you meet her. You’re sitting there in a crop top and shorts reading a book when she comes over to you. She’s got a headscarf on that is this brilliant shade of red and gold. Her skin is a rich bronzed color that is elevated by a full face of makeup with a highlight that could cut stone. She’s maybe one of the most beautiful people you’d ever seen in your life. And she walks up to you of all fucking people. Needless to say you’re a little tongue lied.

“You are American no?” She asked.

“Uhhh...no. No actually I’m Canadian. We’re the nicer versions.”

She giggled. You smiled.

You hadn’t stumbled across many people who spoke english. So you welcomed anyone willing to pity you with a conversation.

“Canadian. Ah, okay. Well, Canadian girl, I cannot help but notice how sad you look. What’s wrong with you?”

You raised an eyebrow. “Well damn, is it that obvious?”

“I would say yes. Can I sit?”

She doesn’t wait for an answer before she’s already sitting across from you. In canada, you could offer someone a seat and they’d apologize before sitting down. What a culture shock.

“I’m sorry. You are one of the most beautiful humans I’ve ever seen, and I’ve apparently been to the grammys. However, I’m a little confused as to what I can do for you?”

She smiled again. “Why thank you! My friend from the UK sent me a fenty highlighter. They’re not available here yet. Does Riri not know that I need to sparkle? Anyway I’m not sure you can do anything for me. I think it may be what I can do for you. So, what can I do for you?”

“I’m...confused.”

“My grandmother grew up here. I used to spend my summers with her until I moved here entirely to take care of her. My mama, she would always say, sometimes there is a need that cannot be seen, cannot be named, but it can be felt. And when you feel it, you must give into it. It is the only way to fix the issue. I feel your need, Canadian girl. I am here to help.”

“Y/n. My name is y/n.” You snorted softly.

“Y/n, I am Priyanka. Girl you should, as the internet tells me, spill the tea.”

Oh lord.

You peered at her in caution. She didn’t scream crazy fangirl, but that certainly didn’t mean anything. She seemed to be in touch with popular culture enough to know who Shawn was. You could only imagine flying back home only to find out that you had accidentally aired all of your dirty laundry directly to the tabloids. But also, she was kind of nice. And still startlingly gorgeous. And there really couldn’t be a ton of pressure there, because you didn’t know her at all. What was the worst that she could do? Leave the table and judge you only for you to never see her again? You had gone at this trip to find some healing, to hopefully recenter yourself a little bit. How could you manage that without a little effort?

And so you tell her. Not that you were kinda sorta dating Shawn Mendes, but that you were dating a guy in the industry whose job was very demanding, as was yours. It is the first time you’ve ever laid it all out word for word, and it’s kind of exhausting to share. But, it also takes a little weight off your shoulders. She doesn’t look at you like you’re crazy after all, which makes it go down a lot smoother.

“So he loves you? But he breaks up with you...because he loves you so much?” She asked. “That is pretty dumb.”

You threw your hands up in excitement.

“Exactly! That is exactly what I said!”

“But, he has come back to you. He has apologized. He has told you that he loves you and only you, that you are the love of his life. Yet you are in Barcelona. How come?”

You felt your excitement fade away and your face scrunch up slightly.

“Well… I can’t just take him back.”

She tilted her head. “Why not?”

“Because! Because he--he hurt me. If I take him back he could hurt me again.”

“But isn’t that what love is? Taking the chance that you may end up hurt, but doing it anyway? You have to put trust in him, to believe that even though he could hurt you that he won’t.”

“Isn’t that just allowing him the opportunity to hurt me again? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me?”

She shrugged. “People always have the ability to hurt us. But if you close yourself off and never open yourself up again, how can you expect anything to change?”

“So you think I should go back to him?” You asked.

“That is not my decision to make. But what if he is this so called love of your life, and you refusing him because of an act of desperation that somewhat had good intentions hurt you? What if you’re throwing something good away?”

You had a feeling Priyanka and Shawn would have gotten along wonderfully. They were both people who viewed the cup as half full while you couldn’t ever seem to get over all the empty space. It was quite exhausting to ever try and prove them wrong either. Optimism. In this economy? Can you imagine?

“I don’t know.” You mumbled to yourself playing with the edges of your book. “I love him. Of course I love him. How could I not? I think I’m just afraid that if I let myself love him the way that he wants, the way that he deserves that...it’s gonna go wrong somewhere. I’ve never ever had it not go wrong.”

“That’s okay. That’s a real emotion. You get hurt enough times, you want to protect yourself. I’m just saying in this particular instance you might not need protecting.” She shrugged. “In fact, you know what? He might fuck up again. Men are dumb, we know this. It might all fall to crap a week from now, a year from now, three years from now. Who’s to say? But I guess the question is, is it worth it to enjoy the good times and to put a little belief in yourself and in your relationship?”

At the end of the conversation, your head hurt a little bit and your heart throbbed dully in your chest. Usually you would’ve crawled into Shawn’s arms and hid your face in his chest, the gentle hum of his heart beat lulling you into serenity. He would play with your hair and he would whisper/sing into your ear. He would tell you that he loved you, or that you were pretty, or whatever other ridiculous things came out of that man’s mouth on a daily basis. It was another one of those times where you were in pain; you were sad, and you couldn’t have the one person who knew how to make it all better. Suddenly you missed him more than ever.  And even in Barcelona, in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, you ached for home. For him.

Dammit.

***

Priyanka takes you to buy a journal. Apparently you’re friends now? Or at least she’s taking pity on you. She explained that for someone so angsty who internalized everything you should probably have a place to release or you were sure to explode. She didn’t seem to recognize that that might be mean so you just rolled with the punches. She takes you to the beach and you lay out in the sun together while she forces you to write about yourself. It is about as fun as one might imagine.

“What the fuck am I supposed to write about?” You huffed glaring at the blank page before you.

She snorted and reset her headscarf which was a gorgeous teal color today that blended perfectly into her bathing suit.

“Anything. Just make it personal. Why don’t you pick something you’ve never talked to anyone about and start there. You don’t need to be scared at all because it’s just who gets to read it.”

You were for certain Priyanka had stumbled into your life only to make it more difficult. She seemed to thrive on it actually. But, then again here you were taking life advice from a practical stranger anyway.

You decide to start with the first time you recognized that being fat was a bad thing. It was a visceral memory, one that you didn’t bring up too often, but one that had been instrumental to the woman you had grown to become. It was third grade. You had just turned eight. Your dad had been gone for three months, and your mom had started letting you help her in the kitchen after school. All of your brothers would go outside and play hockey with the kids across the street, or basketbal, or whatever other dumb game with a ball existed. You hated it. You just wanted to sit inside with your mom and make something.

You brought homemade cupcakes for your birthday. And you were so incredibly proud because you had helped make them! These were the product of your labor. But when it came time to eat and celebrate, Jenna Bartman came up to you to get her cupcake and laughed at you. Y/n you should probably give all the cupcakes away. Everyone knows you’ve eaten plenty. And all of the kids still left in the line laughed with her. You peered down at your tummy and it didn’t look like Jenna’s, didn’t look like most of the other girls in the class. You didn’t bake for an entire year after that. It didn’t mean you didn’t eat, you still snuck cookies from the jar up into your room when your brother wasn’t there to see you. But it was the first time that you had ever been told that what you were was bad, that you shouldn’t get to exist in the manner that made you most happy if it made others uncomfortable.

Fast forward to eighteen years old. Your first boyfriend in highschool. If you could even call him that. He didn’t want anyone at school to know that you were together. And he would only come over when your brothers weren’t around, which meant spending a lot of time in the garage. Not very sexy.

You had decided that you were comfortable and willing to have sex for the first time. You were going to go over to his place after school. His parents were gone and everything. The second that you got up to his room though, he closed all of the blinds and shut the lights off. C’mon babe. We don’t need to see all that. Let’s just do it already. The least enthusiastic five minutes of your life. You’d never told anyone that story before. Not stu. Not even Shawn.

And then there was your transformation in college. You excelled in your major, held the top GPA and graduated with departmental honors. You started to believe in your abilities, in this tiny vision that you created for yourself. You started dressing differently, started taking really important steps to love your body, to be kind to yourself. And it had these amazing ramifications, which was that the more you were kinder to yourself the happier that you ended up being. In college you fell in love with yourself and that’s when you started to shine. Your relationships with others became better as a result. The relationships that you had whether intimate or platonic thrived, because you were thriving. It was the happiest you had ever been and it completely altered your life. But, even in your quest to love yourself there were a lot of things you left behind just so you didn’t have to deal with them anymore.

Your hand is cramping when you set the pen off to the side. You’d scribbled pages and pages of words. At some point, Priyanka had gone off to swim leaving you there. When the words had run dry, you threw your journal to the side and joined her. If there was one thing you were grateful for, it was your ability to love yourself in spite of all things. You had grown to thrive on your own, to give yourself everything that no one else had ever bothered to give you. And it wasn’t necessarily about a need to be a relationship, or this idea that love from someone else is better than self-love. Maybe it was just that self-love doesn’t have to be the only love, and that you can love yourself enough to let others love you too. There wasn’t any weakness in that.

***

 You’re in a bar listening to Priyanka try to explain why you should order this supposed magical cocktail that cures the soul when you hear his voice. At first you don’t even recognize that it’s music, so you flick your head around thinking that he’s standing behind you. Instead it’s his new single. Even in Barcelona you can’t escape him. It doesn’t help that the entire bar immediately starts to gravitate to the song. It’s kind of a bop after all. Until you start to listen to the words anyway.

I can't write one song that's not about you

Can't drink without thinkin' about you

Is it too late to tell you that

Everything means nothing if I can't have you?

You always thought the first time Shawn might write a song for you would be this incredibly sappy, and hopefully beautiful, love song. That had been his promise afterall to write whole love songs for you. You never could have imagined that what you would get instead was a piano ballad he sang you completely hammered through a phone one night, but over some uplifting beat. It almost didn’t sound like the same song, granted you hadn’t gone back and listened to the files he sent you like he asked. It was so weird to watch people dance and have fun to a song that was about the destruction of your relationship. Watching people enjoy it just made it hurt more.

“Can we uh...Can we go to a different bar please?” You murmured in Priyanka’s ear.

She stared at you like you were crazy.

“But we just got here! And this song is incredible!”

“No Pri,forreal. Can we leave?”

She takes one look at you and seems to get it. You hope down off your seats and clear the bar as Shawn continues to tell the world what he’d just barely been able to tell you.

Even in the hurt there’s a bit of pride and you find yourself reaching for your phone. Maybe it isn’t pride at all. Maybe it’s desperation. Who knows

Y/n: I know we’re not speaking, but your new song was playing at a bar in Barcelona. Thought you’d wanna know.

You don’t expect him to answer, can’t imagine him answering after the last time you two spoke. Priyanka leads you to another bar by your hand and you swear you’re not peering down at your phone every two seconds

Shawn: Barcelona?! I’m gonna tell Andrew right now. That’s incredible.

y/n: Yes you can imagine my surprise when I heard your voice and turned around and you weren’t there. You were right though. Definitely a summer bop.

You take a couple shots of tequila that burn like jet fuel and watch Priyanka’s much smaller form get hammered very quickly before he responds again.

Shawn: I’m sorry if it surprised you in a negative way. That’s not fair.

Y/n: It did a bit at first but...It was nice to hear a familiar voice.

Shawn: I’ll try to believe that. Are you finding yourself out there?

Y/n: Something like that. Think maybe I’m just coming to terms with who I was all along, just had to do a little digging.

Shawn: Just as long as you’re happy. That’s all that matters to me.

y/n: I am.

***

You have a dream about your dad one night. It’s odd because you hadn’t dreamed of your father since you were in college. You had sort of buried him away. Maybe that’s why he was coming back now, as you unearthed all of these parts of yourself, somehow you had let him out too. It’s not a super deep dream. He’s just there with you in Toronto. He’s in your apartment that you no longer own, and he’s sitting on your couch. And you’re so angry, but in that dream like way where you don’t even understand why. You start to yell at him. Not about leaving you, not about abandoning your whole family, and the hell he inflicted. You’re yelling at him because his feet are on the table. It is the weirdest fucking thing in the world. And then you wake up.

When you wake up the sun is just beginning to peek through the clouds, the rest of the earth this beautiful purplish bruised color. You reach for your journal and head for the water and the sand. Being a Pisces really came in handy when traveling. And the waves seemed to not just pull you in, but to pull you outside of yourself. So, you sit down and you write about your dad for the first time.

When you were a child, you were the last one to give up hope on your dad. Your brothers were old enough to see his illness for what it was, or at least angry enough to not give a shit anymore. You on the other hand had loved him so much that it took such a long time for you to actually see it for what it was. Everytime he fell asleep drunk on the couch you were the one to pull his shoes off from the bar. When everyone else would yell at him for the reason they were broke, you used to sneak him your allowance from mom. You had loved your dad fully and unconditionally. So, when he left, and let for good, it had completely and utterly destroyed you. Everyone else had been right. You were wrong. He didn’t love you, at least not enough to stay or take you with him. It was the hardest thing for you to face and you were only seven goddamn years old.

And to believe that that wouldn’t have an affect on your relationships with other people in your life is so wildly naive. To walk through life having never sat down and genuinely reflected on what that pain had meant for you? How had it done any good? You were terrified of letting people in. Terrified that something was gonna happen one day, that you could give them everything in the world, and it still wouldn’t be enough. People leave. They always leave. Hell, you left. Left Ontario. Left your brothers. Left your mom. Maybe you weren’t too far off from your dad after all. And maybe, maybe that was the fear that you had never addressed before. What if one day you were the one who deserved to be left? What if?

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

It’s his birthday. The not so big, pretty irrelevant 24. But a birthday nonetheless. He’s in New York and it seems like a pretty good place to have a good time. They’ve rented a couple of party buses and planned a list of clubs to go to. He doesn’t have the heart to tell anyone he’d rather go to dinner and call it night, so he’s playing along. In truth he’s been doing so much better as the days go by and the shows are better and the fans scream longer. It’s weird to try and find love in the thing that felt responsible for his pain, to nurse himself with the very thing that had made it all go wrong. But, it was all that he had. If he didn’t have her, this was it. And he needed to remind himself that there was something good here for him. He had to.

He’s in his hotel room with Brian getting ready when there’s a knock on the door. It’s Andrew. He had neglected to join the party for the night, but made promises to do a dinner or something just the two of them. Instead he’s standing at his door holding a box.

“Awwww did you get me a present?” He snorted as Andrew set the box down on the bed.

“Not quite. You’re 24 and a millionaire, what would I get you? But the hotel delivered this to my room and it’s from Madrid, so I think it might actually be for you?”

He only knew one person who could possibly be in Madrid. He feels his spine strengthen and his heart beat ramp up and his stomach flutter. They hadn’t spoken since June. She had no reason to send him anything, not after the last conversation they had. For a while, after her virtual booty call concept, he had thought it might be the end of them. That her refusal to respond was a glaring sign that she was done with him.  That had been the absolute worst for him. But, he was a cup half full kind of guy, and had quickly convinced himself that no contact at all also meant she couldn’t tell him she was moving to Barcelona for good and she’d never see him again.

Andrew and Brian watch him as he sits on the bed. The box is taped pretty badly, and he just see her sitting there in frustration and proceeding to wrap the whole thing in tape for added measure. He missed watching her eyebrows furrow in irritation. He thought it was the cutest damn thing in the world. Surely enough, it’s addressed to Andrew, but the curliness of the letters are a hundred percent y/n’s. She must’ve looked through the travel packet he’d given her back when he thought she was going to visit him all the time.

He used a knife from the room service they got for lunch earlier and ripped impatiently at the box. The smell that hits him is like the ocean, a little salty and warm. But he can also smell lavender, and he swears if Brian and Andrew weren’t there, he would have cried. On top is a card which is really just a piece of card stock with her hand writing on it.

I would’ve baked you a cake, but I didn’t think it would travel well.

I hope this works alright. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to celebrate.

Take a shot of tequila for me? Or 5. Don’t worry about your voice, you’ll be fine.

Have a wonderful Birthday, Shawn. Love you.

-y/n

He can’t help but laugh at it. It was so her. To wish him a happy birthday and somehow slip in permission to get hammered. Suddenly he was extremely homesick for her apple pie. And her arms wrapped around him. And her heart.

She got him an anthology on meditation and holistic medicine. It’s in English surprisingly enough, and it’s massive. But he knows he’ll read every word. There’s a new rosary necklace for him that he immediately slips on over his head to nestle alongside their swallow. There’s also just a bunch of polaroids  from all the places that she must have been visiting. He had told her one time in the most intimate moments that they used to share, after they’d made each other climax and would just lie in bed sharing secrets until sleep took them away. He told her this silly dream he had of doing photography. He loved pictures of different buildings and cultures. Her sharing her journey with him felt so deeply personal, especially because he knew what she was out there trying to find. It’s the kindest thing she could have given him.

Shawn: Andrew just delivered your package. It was incredibly sweet. You didn’t need to do that, but I’m so so glad you did. It’s the best thing I could have gotten today.

He tries not to set up any expectations that she’ll respond to him. Afterall she’s already given him so much more than he deserved. It doesn’t stop him from checking his phone every three minutes just in case he had somehow missed the vibration. And it certainly doesn't stop his heart from leaping into his throat when he’s two shots in and she responds.

Y/n: No worries. It cost me triple what I paid for the gift just to send it. I wasn’t sure if they’d actually give it to Andrew or not. Glad it worked out. Are you drunk yet?

Shawn: working on it. Where are you right now?

Y/n: I’m in a town called Cerdanya. It’s very beautiful. It’s like half Spain, half France. I’m in the France part.

Shawn: Sounds beautiful. You haven’t posted on insta in a long time.

y/n: You worried about me?

Shawn: Always.

y/n: well take a night off for me would you? It’s your bday. Go have fun.

Shawn: I’ll try. Am I ever gonna see you again?

y/n: You leos. So dramatic. I think I’m in a really good place actually. Maybe I’ll text you when we’re both back in town.

Shawn: Please do.

y/n: I will. Promise.

***

*One month later*

y/n: I’m flying back to Toronto tomorrow.

Shawn: Really? I’m actually home right now.

y/n: Yea I know. Your whereabouts are kind of google-able.

Shawn: Right. Duh. Do you need someone to pick you up from the airport?

y/n: Bryan and Stu already offered.

He felt like a teenager trying to talk to the pretty girl at school and royally fucking it up. What a fucking idiot.

Shawn: Can I take you out for coffee when you get back?

y/n: are you sure you’re not busy? With the show and everything?

Shawn: Let me take you out for coffee. I could never be too busy for that.

Y/n: Ok. I’ll text you.

He’s sitting at a table, his legs shaking up a storm. He couldn’t sit still for shit, kept looking out the window every two seconds, and had even burnt his tongue on his coffee in a desperate attempt to find something to do. This was it. This was everything he’d been waiting for. Either she was going to break his heart, or she was going to make  him the luckiest guy on earth. There were no other options.

He catches her walking up the street and his heart spasms in his chest. He can tell that she’s gotten nothing but sun these past months because she’s absolutely golden. And she’s wearing all white like she knows that it’ll drive him crazy. Of course it’ll drive him crazy. A fucking pant suit with long flowy jacket and a camisole the color of periwinkle. She looks like a goddamn goddess.

She walks in and he just stands up immediately because he doesn’t know what else to do, hasn’t seen her in so long he feels like he’s gone mad without her. And there really is no thinking when it comes to her. He wraps her up in his arms immediately. He can’t do anything but smile at her and try to re-familiarize himself with her entire being. Shit, it’s like she got more beautiful while she was away.

“Hi.” He breathed, and it felt like the first breath he’d taken since she told him she was leaving.

She smiles and his arms tighten around her. It’s like no time has passed at all, like his love had only grown in her absence.

“Hi.”

“You’ve got freckles.” He chuckled letting his fingers skim hesitantly along her nose.

She scrunches it, like she always used to. He dies a little.

“Yea. They only come out in the sun though.”

“And your hair. It got lighter. It’s so pretty.” He hummed.

She’s running her fingers up and down his back and he just wants to pull her into bed and cuddle for a day or two. Now that she’s in front of him, he can’t even believe that he let her go. Six months. And all of the time after Amsterdam. How the hell did he let her go?

They stare at each other far too long in the middle of this coffee shop, but he figures if he just keeps staring at her than she won’t have time to destroy him.

“So uh coffee?” She giggled peering up at him from underneath her lashes.

He nearly groaned. It was too much already and all she did was laugh at his awkwardness.

“Right. Right! I would’ve ordered for you but I didn’t know how long you might be. Sit, I’ll get it for you. Do you wanna share a croissant?”

“Sure. Thank you.”

He’s more nervous than he was on their first date. It’s almost as if fucking up the order, or not grabbing her a napkin, could somehow change whatever she’d come here to say. He sets her white mocha on the table for her, and puts the croissant in the middle. The moment he sits down, there’s nothing left to do or say. He just has to listen. At least he knows that he owes her that.

“I uh...I guess I don’t know where to start.” She murmured, peering down at her cup.

He nodded. “Maybe you could just start with what you were trying to find when you left? And maybe whether or not you found it.”

She takes a deep breath and her hand moves from the table to the back of her neck to her necklace. And the second he sees the swallow his heart speeds up. Relax. Listen. Breathe.

“Well, I was doing really well at work technically. But Gina could see that I was using my job as a crutch to not have to deal with my pain. And I think that’s why she sent me on the sabbatical. I guess what I didn’t realize at the time was that I’ve always done that. I don’t like to be hurt, obviously. But more than that I don’t like to be weak. So, when you hurt me I was trying to--to pretend that I could be alright with you. And I was trying to learn from my mistakes so that I could make sure you, or no one else could do it again. But I think maybe I over corrected.

“I left because...I needed to figure out, like why my defense mechanism is to cut people off immediately. Like why am I twenty-six years old with one best friend and no one else? Not that I even want a whole bunch of friends, but I’ve never even tried to hang with someone besides Stu or Bryan. Why am I so incapable of letting people in? I spent such a long part of my life learning to be kind to myself, learning to protect my mental and emotional health because of trauma and because of hurt that I never learned how to let others do it too. I never learned what it could look like to let someone love me and not resent them for it. You. You were my first time trying.”

It’s instinctual that when she puts her hand on the table he reaches for it. He needed to show her how much he cared, how much love and respect he had for her. And when she intertwines their fingers and plays with his ring, it feels like an acknowledgement of that.

“I met this woman named Priyanka in Barcelona? I ended up spending like a whole month there just because of her.” She smiled softly. “And she made me keep this journal and she had me write all the things I was always too afraid to tell anybody.”

“Like what?” He asked softly just to keep her talking. “If you want to share. you definitely don’t have to.”

“Like...Like I never dealt with the pain of my dad leaving because I didn’t want to have daddy issues. I didn’t want to let him have power over me. The way that he left, and it took me so fucking long to see that he was wrong, that to me felt like weakness. I had let him give me whatever love he wanted and all it did was hurt me in the end. So, I guess in my mind allowing someone to love you meant that they could hurt you and if you let them do that then you were weak. And I guess that just equated to love being weakness.”

It’s like the most he’s ever heard her talk. She had clearly spent so much time reflecting and unearthing the parts of herself that she’d stored away for so long. Now it was like she was pulling out all of the individual pieces and sharing them with him. When he had begged her to just let him love her, and she had tried with all of her might, never had she ever done this. It’s like he’s seeing her in all her entirety for the first time. And it’s only making him fall even more in love with her.

He’s leaning his face on his hand and he’s just staring at her, listening to her say all of these thoughts in that big ass beautiful head of hers that he’s always wanted to know. It’s the greatest gift she could ever give him, and it makes every moment she was away worth it. If only she got to be a better version of herself, got to feel more confident in who she was. And not for him, not for anyone, but for her own happiness.

“You look so happy.” He smiled at her. “It all sounds incredible, y/n. I’m so proud of you.”

“I’m really proud of myself.” She giggled again.

God she was so fucking cute.

“Hey, that night that I called you drunk--”

“Don’t even mention it. I understood where you were coming from.”

She frowned at him and it’s the first time that she’s not smiling. He literally had to restrain himself from reaching out to touch her lips. What a shit show.

“No. No you deserve an apology. I was drunk, sure, but my willingness and eagerness to inflict pain on you, that was all me Shawn. I knew you wouldn’t want to hurt me by saying no. I mean that’s so not okay. We were always open and honest with each other when it came to being intimate. I--I would never want you to pretend that what I did was okay.” She assured him. “I’m sorry, okay? I mean that.”

He nods and squeezes at her fingers again. “Okay. It was a shitty feeling. Mostly it was shitty that I felt like I deserved it, felt like even if that was all you were willing to give me than I should just take it. But I don’t like--I don't hold it against you. We were in a really shitty space. I forgive you.”

“Okay. Well thank you.”

He nodded softly. “ Have you thought at all about--I mean do you think you could ever forgive me? For what I did? For not handling things right? For messing it all up?”

“It took me such a long time. I was terrified of how in love with you I was. And I just was like waiting for the other shoe to drop for so long. I kept having to fight myself everytime you wanted me to be more open with you, and wanting to give you everything that you asked for because I loved you so much.”

“‘Loved’?” He asked hesitantly.

She sighed. “Shawn, even if I was waiting on the other shoe to drop I...never could have actually thought that you would hurt me the way that you did. That you would fly me all the way out to be with you just so that you could leave me and go on tour. That was so fucking painful for me.”

He nods and leans closer to her across the table, both of their coffees and the croissant long forgotten.

“I know. I know how stupid of me it was. I just, I think I got scared too. It was so easy to fall in love with you. It was so easy to want to spend all of my time with you. And the thought that like...that I could hurt you because of music of all things? That my being away could cause you pain? I just didn’t even know what to do. I love you so much, y/n. I need you to know that I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love you. This was new for me too.”

“Sometimes you made it seem like you had all the answers. It was like you knew exactly what we were supposed to be doing when I was just flailing..” She mumbled. “It made it hurt so much worse.”

“I was just trying not to lose you. Do you have any idea how intimidating it is to be with someone as smart and wonderful and badass as you?  You always seemed like you had the life part figured out. I thought that...that I needed to have the love part down so that I could keep you, so that I could deserve you.” He confessed. “But, honey I was just as lost as you were sometimes.”

“You were?”

“Of course!” He smiled. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I can be kind of dumb sometimes.”

She snorted. “That’s certainly one way to put it.”

She peered down at the table and he kind of figured that this was his chance, this was everything they’d been building up to. So he licked his dry lips and somehow managed to shuffle even closer across the tiny table they were squished at.

“Baby,” He whispered. “I’ve got to know... if there is even a remote possibility that we could try it again? And I promise to never do anything like that again, to communicate better, to be more vulnerable and open.”

She bit her lip and looked at him and he swore that he couldn’t breathe.

“I just wanna know how it’s gonna be different this time Shawn? When I go back to work and you’re still on tour for the rest of the year. How does this change anything?”

“It just means that we have to be better. It means you’ve got to be honest with me when you’re dealing with shit, when you need to get away from work, hell when you need to get away from me. And I have to...I have to learn to not place any of the weight of who I am on you. No more begging for forgiveness before shows. No more begging you to fly out just because I’m sad. It changes because we’re willing to change, and we’re willing to learn and grow together. Can we...Can we do that? I only want to do that with you.”

Her eyes flicked down to the table and then back up to his. She’s beautiful, so so beautiful. He just wants her.

She huffed softly at him.

“Well I love you, you idiot. So, I guess we can try this again.”

“Yea?” He beamed.

“Yea.”

He reaches across the table, trading her hand for the feel of her cheeks. They were still warm as if the sun had left a bit of itself behind. And the light dusting of freckles across her nose drove him insane. He was all in with her whether she knew it or not. She was it for him.

“Can I...Can I kiss you?”  He sighed fingers cupping her jaw.

She licked her bottom lip and set his heart ablaze.

“Yea. You can.”

“Fucking finally.”

If you’d like to buy me a ko-fi

Taglist: @kitykatnumber @lou-and-me @ourlittleshawnie @mutuallynotmutual @wanderingmendes @peacedolantwins2 @chels-nyc @@illloveyouforever1 @justbeingoceana @hayyitsfayy @claredolphinbear24  @september-lace @grittyisaho @literallyshawn @mchutchmendes @liliane106 @iloveshawnieboi @samwillllson @trappedinfairytales @abbersalp

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[littlelovelyspiderling]

The Photo Shoot

Here’s my take on the adorable request given to me by  @a-bad-actor !! Hope you like it!

Tony needs a photo of a young and happy face to put on Stark Industry’s website and requests Peter’s aid. When the grumpy kid can’t seem to smile normally, Stark takes matters into his own hands.

word count: 1,800

“Mr. Stark, couldn’t you find someone else to do this…?”

Peter squinted uncomfortably beneath the harsh lights, pulling at his collar. He felt like a bug being studied under a microscope—a bright, judgmental microscope. Tony Stark stood behind the camera, fiddling with the settings.

“Nope. You’re the only intern that’s here this late. And the youngest, therefore the most endearing and inspirational to potential applicants.”

“But I’m not even a real intern, Mr. Stark. It’s a front, remember?”

“Who cares? You think the 20-something-year-old grad students scrolling through the Stark Industry’s website are going to know that?” He narrowed his eyes as he racked the lens. “I just want a nice picture of a welcoming face to put on the online brochure. It’ll help encourage youngsters such as yourself to apply for all the internship positions and project grants my company is now offering.”

“That’s really cool of you, Mr. Stark,” Peter said, swallowing. “But, um…I’m just not very photogenic. I hate getting my picture taken. And my face is crazy broken out right now, so can’t you just hire someone tomorrow to pose for—?”

“The re-vamped website goes live at midnight, so no.” Tony clicked one last button on the camera’s screen, then stepped away. “Relax, kid—you look fine. Just think how awesome it will be to show all your friends a pic of your handsome mug on Stark Industry’s home page.”

Peter hung his head. “Yeah. So awesome…”

Tony scoffed. “What’s your problem? I thought you’d love this.”

The kid shrugged haphazardly. “Whatever. Let’s just get it over with.”

“Alright then, grumpy pants,” he snorted. He held up the shutter remote and gave it a shake. “Say ‘cheese’.”

The smile Peter pasted on his face was so pathetic, Tony thought he was just holding back a sneeze. Or crushing something between his teeth. He stared at him with a mixture of confusion and amusement, waiting for him to actually attempt to smile, his finger hovering over the shutter release button.

“Uh…seriously? That’s the face you’re going with? That’s what you want a quarter million people to wake up to tomorrow morning?”

Peter huffed miserably. “I told you I’m bad at this, Mr. Stark.”

“Just smile. Like you always do. Don’t think about it so much.”

The kid rolled his eyes and tried again. This time, it looked like he was in actual, physical pain, like someone was holding a knife to his back and threatening to kill him if he didn’t pretend to look happy. 

And boy, was he bad at pretending. 

Tony took a picture just to see if he’d look any better on camera. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t. If anything, he actually looked worse. Stark couldn’t help but laugh.

“Geez, Pete, are you trying to look constipated? Is that the new fad among you Gen Z types? Cuz if so, you are killing it.”

Peter blushed and stared at the floor. “I hate you.”

Chuckling, Tony stepped forward. “Here,” he said, giving his shoulders a shake. “Loosen up. Don’t stand so stiffly.”

“Why don’t you just take a picture of yourself? You’re so much better at this kind of stuff.”

“The whole website is already plastered with my face. We need a dash of youth and freshness to spice things up.” He licked his fingers and ran them through Peter’s hair, making him grimace. “But if you want, I can show you how it’s done.”

He walked behind Peter and struck a few casual poses, boasting a subtle yet winning smile. He snapped a few photos just for show while the kid threw his hands in the air.

“But see, that’s what I’m saying—it’s easy for you. For me, it’s just…not. I can’t do this. I give up.”

Tony caught him before he could sulk away. “Just one more try, that’s all I’m asking.” He turned the dejected teen back to the camera. “Imagine you’re receiving an award, or smiling at a girl you like. Anything like that. Think of something that makes you genuinely happy, and channel that energy into a nice, natural smile. You can do it.” He took a few steps back and to the side. “I’ll stay behind you so you don’t feel pressured.”

Peter sighed helplessly and stared into the daunting eye of the lens. He tried his best to do as Stark said, he really did. It wasn’t working in the slightest, but that was okay. Because Tony didn’t expect it to work. He just needed something to keep the kid distracted while he executed his real plan to make the kid smile.

When Tony stopped firing the shutter, Peter figured he was doing something wrong, and let out a frustrated groan. “I’m telling you, Mr. Stark, I can’t do it. Either find some other stupid intern for your photo, or steal a stock pic from the Internet. I just—I can’t—”

Peter’s angry rant was interrupted by two hands seizing him around the middle and squeezing his sides just above his hips. The kid let out a shriek of surprise, followed by a flood of laughter.

“AHAhahack! Whahat the—?” He sprung away, wrapping his arms around his midsection, flustered to his core. “Mr. Stark! W-what was that for?”

“Ha! I knew that would work.” Tony stepped around him and turned the camera screen for Peter to see. “Look at that smile! It’s perfect!”

In the photo, Peter’s eyes were squeezed shut and his mouth was wide with smiley laughter. His head was tilted back while his cheeks glowed a gentle pink. He looked truly, genuinely happy; Stark could hardly believe it, especially compared to the slew of depressing shots taken previously.

Upon seeing the picture, the kid’s face burned. “No, no, please don’t use that.”

“Why not? You look so happy. It’s like you’re in an Old Navy ad.”

“But it’s…embarrassing,” he murmured.

Tony smiled softly. “No. It’s cute. Anyone who sees it will love it.”

“Not me…”

Stark sighed and faced the camera back towards the teenager. “Fine. I guess we’ll just have to keeping taking more until there’s one we both like.”

Without hesitating, he marched up to him, causing Peter to wince. “W-wait, what—?” Before he could get away, Stark scooped the kid into his arms and started drilling his tummy with tickles, kneading his fingers up and down his sides. The response was hysterical and instantaneous.

“Whaha—AHAHA NOHOHO! M-Mihihihister Stahahahark!” He kicked and squirmed and laughed like crazy, grappling at Tony’s wrists, his face bright and happy. “Stohohahap—wahahahait! Eheeheehahaha!”

“But this is the only way to make you smile normally,” Stark replied, chuckling at Peter’s adorable squirminess, “which would’ve been nice to know about a lot sooner. Now I know exactly how to cheer you up whenever you’re being a grouch.”

Peter managed to flail right out of his arms, but that only led to Tony pinning him to the ground and spidering his fingers underneath the kid’s T-shirt, scribbling his bare tummy in tickles. His laugher jumped in both volume and octave; his wriggling transformed into wild floundering.

“AHAHAHAHAAA!” he cried, whipping his head back and forth, bucking and squealing like a helpless piglet. “OHO SHIHIHIHITNOHOHOHAHAHA!”

“All we need is one good picture we both agree on, and then we’re done. Since you’re so picky, I’m trying to make sure we get every angle.”

“AHAHAHANY ONE! USE AHAHAHAHANY ONE! I DOHOHOHOHON’T C-CAHAHARE HAHAHA!” Tony’s evil hands clawed all over his ribs, belly, and underarms, driving the ticklish teen mad with giggles. “JUHUHAHAST STOHOHAHAHAHAP! MIHIHISTER STAHAHAHARK! EHEHAHAHAHA!”

When Stark saw tears flooding the poor kid’s eyes as he fought pathetically to escape, he finally let up. Peter was left in a bundle on the floor, panting with relief. Tony smiled down at the giggly hero. He was so cute, it almost made him sick.

“You think we got one you might like?” he chuckled.

“M-Mihihister Stahark…” he moaned, laughter still clinging to his words. “Whyhyhy…”

Tony sighed solemnly and offered him a hand. “Look, if you really don’t want your picture on the website, I won’t put one on there.”

Peter stared up and him, blinking in surprise.

“I can figure something else out. Maybe stick some silly graphic on it. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

Peter hesitantly accepted his help and stood, blushing at the floor. “N-no, it’s fine. Go ahead, I don’t care.”

“Yes you do.”

The teenager winced. Tony narrowed his eyes.

“Why? What’s got you so worried about it? 99% of the people who see your picture on there won’t even know you, and probably won’t pay it a second thought.”

“Yeah, but I…” He paused, licking his lips. “I don’t know. I’m used to seeing Spider-Man’s face online, in newspapers, whatever. It’s just freaky to think about my actual face on an important website, without my mask on.”

“Don’t you use Instagram and Snapchap or whatever? You post pics of your face on the Internet all the time.”

“Yeah, but I’m in control there. And my Instagram only has, like, eighty followers, so…” Peter scratched the back of his neck. “I just wish I could have my mask on for the photo. Could we do that instead? People would much rather see Spider-Man on your website than me.”

Stark’s heart tore as he stared down at the kid. At his center, Peter Parker was still just a teenager, with all fears and insecurities that came with it. Like any teenager, he’d much rather present a facade to the world than something authentic: his true self. Tony knew it could be scary. Releasing a slow breath, he placed his hand on his head and ruffled his hair.

“But they would be seeing Spider-Man. The real Spider-Man. The best part of Spider-Man.”

When Peter’s expression stayed stony, he fluttered his fingers against his neck, causing him to cringe and giggle.

“And I for one would much rather see Spider-Man’s smiling face than some dumb mask that hides it.”

Peter glanced up at him with a shy grin. It was the most endearing thing Stark had ever seen.

Tony walked back to the camera to look through the media. Not, of course, before snapping a quick photo once he was out of frame.

“Now come on. You pick which pic makes the final cut.”

…

As anticipated, the photo didn’t stir up much of a buzz. Peter did feel a bit like a celebrity among his friends, especially the ones who refused to believe that he worked with Tony Stark. Until now.

Peter would never admit that he actually liked the picture. And Tony would never admit that he had all the pictures from the laughter-filled photo shoot saved on his network, and that he would look at them as a choppy video sequence whenever he was feeling down.

#ticklish!peter #ticklish!spiderman #ticklish!peter parker #ticklish!spidey #tickle fic #marvel cinematic universe #marvel tickle #marvel fic #marvel tickling #marvel #spider-man #spiderman #spiderman homecoming #spiderman tickle #spiderman fanfiction #sfw tickling #sfw tickle fic #sfw tickle #marvel tickle fic #peter parker tickle #peter parker #tom holland #tony stark #iron dad #irondad #spider son #spiderson #spidey #spiderman far from home #spiderman ffh

[losingitinjersey]

I LOVE how fast today’s Friday arrived!  I wish every week zipped by this quickly delivering us happily into the weekend’s arms.  A few things of note, please:

I’m wearing new pants today that I’m both loving and feeling self conscious in.  (See bottom center pic) These are Old Navy’s Mid-Rise Pixie Pants, size 16.   I wasn’t sure how they’d look on my body and while I’m overall really pleased with them, they’re new and different and I feel much more exposed in them compared to my bootcut slacks.  Of course, I decided to pair these with my new favorite shirt which means it’s a tucked-in blouse that doesn’t hide my lower belly.  In dim lighting I’m a-okay!  

Today I weighed in at my current lowest weight during this current weight loss journey!   For those paying too close attention you’re right, this isn’t the LOWEST low weight but that 207.5 came as a result of puking my guts out so it doesn’t count!  I first saw 208 in early October 2018.  Happy to be back here again but hopefully not for long as I work my way down to onederland! 

I found the Two Good low carb yogurt @michelledoesketo talked about!!  I decided to mix in some pecans and Lily’s dark chocolate chips with it and while it was delicious it really didn’t need it, the vanilla flavor was great on its own!

I’ve been obsessed with the Gatorade Zero we picked up at Costco.   I was never really a Gatorade drinker and while I don’t know much about the actual health benefits of electrolytes I’ve succumbed to advertising and am happy with the taste and that there’s only 1g carb per bottle.

Remember my “marvy” dress from the other day?!   My neighbor friend wanted to go shopping with me to find alternatives for the event (taking place tomorrow!!) and I picked up two options, one of which is shown here (top left pic).  I REALLY like this dress.  I feel both sophisticated and sexy in it.  Unfortunately, in good lighting, my stomach is pretty clearly outlined.  At one point I tried on three pairs of Spanx trying to push my fluff down but it still made an appearance.  I even bought a petticoat to see if I could help hide my tummy but it just made the dress look weird.  In my room’s poor lighting I can barely see my bulge and I’m sure the dance tomorrow will be lit dimly so I’m trying to decide if I should wear it or just go with the other dress which I feel totally fine in.  (I know, I should have posted a pic of it for comparison, sorry!) The good news is, I’m only going to get smaller (RIGHT?!) so while this dress might not be an option for tomorrow it most certainly will be in play in the future.  

Home gym is in full use! I’ve been keeping up with doing sets of deadlifts and bench press in our garage almost every day.  Today I’m going to attempt some dreaded squats with just the bar.  Fingers crossed I don’t fall down!

Kevin and I are going car shopping this weekend!   On Monday Kevin’s car decided to crap out on him and the cost to repair it would be more than the car is worth so we decided to bite the bullet and buy a new (used) car.  I’ve done some preliminary research but plan to dive head-first into it on Saturday with some test drives on Sunday.  My top two interests are Toyota Rav4 and some kind of Suburu Crossover SUV.  It’s been almost 10 years since I bought a car and my first time doing so with Kevin so this will hopefully be a fun experience!  

Stop Drop & Selfie! @toughenoughtiffany tagged me in a SDS (thank you!!) so you get my happy Friday face!  Tagging @zerocarb, @msmegmmk, @always-the-2nd and @davidbowietoldme

Happy soon to be weekend to you!  

#fitblr #keto #ketoblr #low carb #progress #weight loss #weightloss #weight loss progress #lowest weight #diet #health #fitness #car shopping #keto diet #low carb diet #daily weight #daily weigh in #myfitnesspal #food journal #weight diary #fashion #clothing #selfie #sds #home gym

[reject-princess97]

Daniel Howell

I let out a quiet grown as I opened my felt the familiar sensation of the need to pee, again. I opened my eyes and carefully untangled myself from my boyfriends arms and slowly got out of bed, careful not to wake up the sleeping boy, knowing full well if I woke him up he would do one of two things. 1st he would be grumpy and moody that he was woken too early from his slumber. 2nd he would get very protective and anxious over me and start asking questions.

I love Dan, like crazy, but when he gets over protective of me and questions the safety of everything I do, it can get kind of annoying, and Phil sees it too but there is nothing him or I can do to stop Dan when he is in his protective Dad mood.

After reliving my bladder, I glanced at my self in the full mirror on the door and smiled as I rubbed small circles on my six month pregnant belly. After a couple of minutes I walked out of the bathroom and took a look at the alarm clock by Dan's side of the bed and sighed when I saw it was 6am and I suddenly felt wide awake.

I grabbed one of Dan's hoodies and pulled it over my head, laughing quietly as it only just fit tight over my tummy. Tip towed over to my side of the bed an picked up my phone before walking out of the bedroom and straight into the kitchen where I grabbed a bowl of Dan's cereal. I watched the cereal pour into the bowl and smirked as the flow of cereal stopped before the bowl was full meaning I was about to eat the last of his beloved breakfast food.

Knowing he would get upset and freak out that there was non left, I thought on weather of not I should eat it, after all, he did hate it when there was non left for him to eat. I decided against it as I poured the milk in the bowl and grabbed a spoon.

“If he asks I just blame the baby.” I said out loud as I took a spoon full of cereal and turned around only to almost drop my food when I spotted Phil, Dan's Best friend, stood by the door.

“What you doing?” He asked eyeing up the bowl of frosted flakes.

“well, erm...” I stuttered. “The, erm, baby was hungry.” I shrugged and walked of out into the living room as I heard Phil laugh.

“You know I'll get the blame for this?” He asked as I sat on the couch and turned on the TV.

“Yes, but then I will tell him, I finished it due to pregnancy cravings and I will buy him some more later in the day. Then he will no longer be upset and everyone is happy.” I laughed flicking through the channels. I sighed at the lack of any good TV being as it was 6am and I turned on the fire stick and Netflix.

“So what you doing up so early?” Phil asked as he took the remote from my hands and clicked on Once Up On A Time, knowing full well that after an hour of 'trying to find something to watch' I would just end up 'giving up' and re watching OUAT again.

“I had to pee.” I shrugged as I settled into the couch with my food and Phil as we sat quietly watching TV.

A few hours later, after turning OUAT off after only on episode and turning Hawaii Five-0 on, at around 11am, we heard banging about and a sigh of annoyance come from the kitchen. I looked over at Phil who shook his head and turned back to the TV.

“3...2...1...” Phil said before pointing to the door just as we heard Dan shout.

“PHILIP LESTER YOU CEREAL THEAF!!” We listened as Dan's footsteps came closer and closer.

“What have I told you about...” Dan started as he came into the room but stopped when he clocked the empty bowl by me feet.

“You were saying?” Phil asked raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms, looking up at my very tall boyfriend who stood in front of the TV.

“Y/N, how could you, you know how much I hate people eating my cereal.” he fake cried.

“I'm sorry Danno, I was craving frosted Flakes and Yours were the only ones left.” I pouted, giving him my best puppy dog eyes, knowing full well he would forgive me quickly.

“Oh, Okay.” He shrugged and walked of out of the room, probably going to grab something else to eat.

“WOW, he got over that quickly.” Phil laughed. I nodded and flashed him a big cheesy grin.

“Do you really expect anything less when I comes the this little one?” I laughed as I placed my hand on my tummy.

“Hey, I love my child and he or she will get what ever they want.” I heard Dan shout making us both laugh, it was then I felt a hard push against my hand.

“HOLY SHIT!” I yelled in surprise.

“”What? Y/N what is it?” Phil asked panicked looking at me. We heard a crash come from the kitchen and heavy foot steps run quickly towards us.

“Y/N what is it, is it the baby, what's wrong?” Dan asked as he flew into the room and knelt on the ground next to where I'm sat. I felt another push and I smiled starring up at Dan.

“What? Nothing's wrong Dan, here watch.” I explained as I grabbed his hand and placed it on my stomach, right where the movement came from. We sat there for a couple of minutes and nothing happened.

“Nothings happening.” Dan said but quickly looked up at me wide eyed and I felt the nudge against his hand.

“What the hell was that?” He asked, only to feel another nudge.

“It's the baby, He's kicking.” I told him, “He can hear his Daddy's voice.”

“Everyone can hear his freaking voice!” Phil mumbled.

“Aww he likes his uncle Phil's voice too.” I cued as I felt another kick.

“Wait what? He does?” Phil asked surprised, looking over at me.

“Yeah, here.” I placed his hand on my tummy and told him to speak.

“What the hell am a supposed to...?” He asked but stopped mid sentence as we felt the kick.

Phil jumped and let out a girlish shriek pulling his hand away making Dan and I Laugh.

“NO, NOPE, NO WAY THATS NOT HAPPENING.” Phil yelled freaking out and jumping on the couch. “That is not natural.” He told us before he walked out of the room, leaving me and Dan in stitches at how ridiculous he was being.

“It is going to be one hell of an adventure when the baby finally arrives, especially with Phil being as creeped out just by a kick.” Dan laughed as he moved from the floor to sit beside me, sitting with me watching TV.

“Oh no!” He suddenly called out, I turned to look at him slightly confused.

“We haven't told the viewers yet.” He reminded me.

We were suppose to have done that the past weekend but things kept coming up and well it kind of slipped out minds.

“Well, how do you want to do it?” I asked turning my body to face him.

“Well, we could do a video? Or a Social media post.

“Well, I  like the idea of the post. Just, I don't know, take a picture of scan or something.” I shrugged but Dan only shook his head.

“What no I want to do this properly. Make a proper pregnancy announcement.” He told me.

“Well, what do you have in mind?” I asked. He smiled and stood up and ran out of the room, he came in a couple minutes later holding a box,

“Well, I found this online and I was going to save it for the day he or she was born but I wanna show you now.” He smiled as he placed the box in my lap. I looked up at him and smiled before opening the box and laughing.

In side was a small black Baby vest that read 'I'm Proof that my Daddy doesn't play games all the time' with a little gaming controller underneath.

“This is amazing, where the hell did you find this?” I asked him holding it up.

“Well, I may or may not have been buying funny little baby clothes for them. There was this one. One that says 'I'm proof geeks get lead', A few geeky ones but I think this one of my favourite, along with on that said 'Me and My Daddy love my Mummy'”  

“I see. And when did you buy these?” I asked him as I stood up and walked over the the fire place.

“The day you told me about the baby.” he smiled timidly.

“What?” I asked turning around.

“When you told me you were pregnant, I freaked out and after you left to go to sleep I went for a walk. While on my walk I found a little baby store I walked in and this was the first thing I saw, I could help but smile as I pictured our baby wearing this. I bought it instantly and that was that, I just kept buying.”

I smiled at him, before I grabbed a photo frame with a scan pic in it and walked over to Dan and Kissed him.

“Why didn't you tell me you freaked out?” I asked him as I pulled away.

“I guess I didn't want you to know I was scared, I didn't want you to stress yourself out.” He shrugged as he took the frame from my hands. “Now let's get this announcement out there.” He smiled as he took my hand from my lead me to our bedroom.

We lead the baby grow out on the Bed and placed the phone just underneath and we snapped a picture.  

“Here, turn around and let me get a pic of your tummy.” Dan smiled as he pointed the phone at me. I smiled and shook my head.

“Let me take the hoodie of first so you can see the bump.” I laughed as I striped the hoodie and turned to Dan who laughed at my choice in T-shirt.

I had on a shirt Phil had given me, for my first birthday as Dan girlfriend. That simply read 'Dan Howell is my boyfriend' and it fit snugly against my baby bump. I also had on a pair of PJ bottoms and fluffy socks.

“OK, let's get the photo and we can post it.” I smiled at him. I placed my hand over my stomach. I watched as Dan held up the phone but just as quickly as he put it down.

“Something's missing.” he sighed as he walked over to he wardrobe and picked something up.

“What could possibly be missing Dan?” I asked, watching him curiously.

“This.” He said simply as he held out a little black box that he opened to show a beautiful silver ring with a fairly large stone placed snugly inside.

I starred at him in shock as he picked up my hand and held it tight.

“I love you Y/N, I want to spend the rest of my life with you and our child, I want to be a real family, with you, the mother of my child and my wife.” Dan told me looking into my eyes, “Y/N, will you marry me.”

“I..I..Yes.” I stammered, tears filling up my eyes. Dan smiled and placed the ring on my finger before bringing me into a long passionate kiss that was cut quickly by the feeling of the baby kicking, making me and Dan laugh again.

“OK, sorry little one.” I smiled looking down at my tummy, catching a glimpse of the ring on my hand as I ran my hand over the bump.

I heard the sound of a phone camera and a flash before I looked up to see Dan smiling down at his phone.

“Perfect.” He said simply before he pulled me close and showed me the phone. I smiled as I looked at the photo of me smiling down at my tummy, the ring on my hand glistening in the light from the flash.

“I love it.” I smiled up at him and I watched as he opened up the Instagram app and posted the two images with the simple caption 'Coming Soon, spring 2018'

Instantly both our phones lit up with comments of congratulations and questions.  

Username 1: OMG CONGRATS DAN, DADDY DAN IS GONNA BE AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!

Username 2: Dan Howell...a dad....what a fun and wonderful disaster that will be. Congrats both of you.

Username 3: OMG Daddy Dan and Uncle Phil Congrats guys but one thing...Is that an engagement ring I spy?

The rest of our day was spent pretty much how it always was, Dan, Phil and I all watching Netflix and arguing over what to watch next.

Masterlist

#Dan Howell #Danisnotonfire #imagine

[jaehyunskitten22]

Current Text Requests *UPDATED 01/06/18*

These are the requests I currently have! :) If you don’t see your request here send it in again! Requests are still open for : NCT 127, NCT U, NCT Dream, BTS, Jay Park, Wu Yifan, Got7, F(x), Seventeen, Shinee, Bigbang, Ikon, and new groups: Monsta X and Exo! (bc i’m now a wonho landfill whoops)

Seungcheol x Reader // Smutty Daddy x Kitten!Reader texts

Yunhyeong x Reader // You doubt the way he feels about you because he sometimes seems disinterested and other stuff (angsty ending or fluffy ending)

Boyfriend!Jackson x Chubby!Reader // Fluffy and cute everyday boyfriend texts (i’m assuming this person wanted no sexy texts please correct me if i’m wrong thanks)

Mark x Chubby!Reader // Fluffy everyday boyfriend texts (once again I’m assuming no sexy texts plz correct me if i’m wrong)

Youngjae (Got7) x Chubby!Reader everyday texts (some nsfw stuff whoot whoot)

Jaebum x Chubby!Reader // part 4 to the matchmaker series where they are dating (lowkey just saw this reply on that post whoopsie)

J-Hope x Reader // everyday boyfriend texts

jaehyun x reader // he texts you for the first time in ages after you guys broke up because of his work without even trying to work things out

Hyungwon x Chubby!reader // everyday boyfriend and sexy texts (hELL YEAH WE GETTING SOME MONSTA X UP IN HERE)

Jay Park x Reader // You tell him you’re pregnant and he isn’t necessarily happy about it because of his career (dude this would so be him I can vividly imagine it)

bf woozi x chubby reader // you’re insecure about your height and weight, the reader is 2 inches taller then him (he’s 5'5) and he comforts you on both (THIS IS CUTE AND I LOVE THE IDEA OF WOOZI WITH A CHUBBY GIRL OR PERSON IN GENERAL HE WOULD DIG IT DONT FIGHT ME ON THIS)

bf chanyeol x short chubby reader // the reader is about 5'1 and chanyeol finds her shortness and chubbiness adorable but they dont (YALL I IDENTIFY WITH THID REQUEST ALLOW ME TO SQUEE AND SOB AT THE SAME TIME)

Minhyuk X chubby reader // minhyuk wants you to come over and cuddle with him, your having one of those days where your really insecure about your weight

Johnny Seo x Chubby!Reader // boyfriend texts with a chubby italian reader

Yoongi x Chubby!Reader // he sends you pictures of holly sleeping on your tummy and thighs and you get embarrassed

wonwoo x Chubby!reader // nsfw texts (👀👀)

mingyu x Chubby!Reader // Friends to lovers text (YES I LOVE THIS KDKSNS)

Jungkook x chubby!reader // you get caught trying on his shirt and he finds it cute and you get really embarrassed because you thought you could fit into it (I AM PRESENT FOR REQUESTS THAT TALK ABOUT THIS BECAUSE PEOPLE MAKE IT SUCH A BIG DEAL IN FICS ABOUT WEARING THE BOYFRIEND’S CLOTHES AND NOT EVERYONE CAN DO THAT)

Onew x Chubby!Reader // nsfw texts (fun fact onew is (one) of my bias wreckers in shinee yep-yep-yep)

T.O.P x Chubby!Reader // He is away and you guys miss eachother (yall alright i think of him in a relationship with a big girl all the time and i have some thoughts on tgis too dirty to share here so I’m just gonna keep it to myself ahem 😂)

Best friend dino x chubby reader // the members know you and dino like each other and try to get them together (YEP-YEP-YEP I LIKE THIS)

Rap Monster x Chubby!Reader // Anything but Daddy Kink (i can do that bby

best friend!Joshua x chubby!reader // your going to an anime Convention together and your trying to find the best cosplay outfit to wear, so you send him pics of the outfits and he starts realizing he loves you

Suho x Chubby!Reader // he’s taking you to an aqard show for the first time (BIG BABES IN DRESSES AND SUHO THIS IS ALL I WANT)

Jaehyun x Chubby!Reader // You accidentally send a picture of you in lingerie to the nct hyung line groupchat (F ME UP THIS IS MY FAVE TROPE)

yongguk x chubby!reader // everyday boyfriend texts with a hint of sexting (yep-yep-yep bap is my guilty pleasure)

jay park X fat!reader // you’re helping him sub his god forsaken videos and he confesses to you in the midst of all your memes, and you get self conscious because it’s jay fucking park and you’re lucky you’re allowed to be his friend and he tells you otherwise because damn it he’s gonna make you feel wanted if it’s the last thing he ever does (i love the way this person worded their request LOLOLOL)

chubby!reader x sehun // friends to lovers texts (YEP YEP YEP)

jay park x fat!reader // he tells you you were his muse for yacht in an attempt to get into your pants because he doesn’t know how to just tell you he actually likes you

boyfriend!jungkook x fat!reader // she’s bothered by the fact that she’s not only bigger than him, but younger than him too because she knows he likes older women

Chanyeol x chubby reader // chanyeol wants the reader to meet his parents and toben (his dog) and the reader is really nervous because they think his parents will hate them because of their weight

Daddy!Minhyuk x Chubby!Reader // She feels really insecure about how she looks and he conforts her, turns nsfw

wonho/shownu x Chubby!reader // everyday fluffy and sexy texts (i’ll probs do these for shownu bc I don’t have anything for him yet)

Bts x Reader // You’re a witch and you accidentally turn yourself into an animal hybrid, the members reactions to you telling them. (Might do a set for wach member or I might just pick hyung line or maknae line. I ALSO LOVE HYBRID STUFF SIGN ME UP)

Minho x Reader // he’s dating a 5’ girl and people are kind of weirded out about a giant dating a really short person (YES I LOVE MINHO AND SHORT PEOPLE YES)

minho x reader // he finds out hes dating one of the members younger sister

mingyu x chubby!reader. You accidentally send him a sexy picture (I LOVE MINGYU)

Jihoon x chubby!reader //reader is being extra affectionate and getting her boyfriend all flustered with cutie pictures (YALL OKAY WOOZI IN MY MIND HAS A DADDY KINK BUT HE WOULD GET SO FLUSTERED WHEN HIS PRINCESS WAS IN LITTEL SPACE BECAUSE OF ALL THE AFFECTION HE WAOULD GET I CRY)

daesung x chubby!reader // He’s taking you to the beach but you can’t fogure out what bikini/swimsuit to wear, so you ask him

jungkook x chubby!reader // the reader is insecure because jungkook always talks about how IU is his ideal type and the reader questions why they’re dating if a skinny girl like IU is his ideal type and he comforts her

Johnny x Chubby!reader // you recieved your uniform for your job at a bar but it’s really tight on you and you’re uncomfortable 

yixing x chubby!reader // he’s filming a movie in china and you miss him

jay park x chubby african american!reader // reader gets hate for having a differenr skin color and he comforts her

jiyong x Chubby!reader // he’s a fuck boy (I HAVE BEEN LITERALLY DYING TO DO SOME FUCK BOY TEXTS YES)

kyungsoo x chubby!reader // everyday fluffy texts

Scoups/Jay Park/Yifan x Chubby!Reader // he starts working out and lifting weights because he’s upset they cant lift their chubby s/o. And when the s/o finds out they comfort them and tell them it’s fine (IM DOIN AL THREE)

Boyfriend chanyeol x chubby reader // chanyeol wants to get couples hoodies and he ask for your hoodie size, you get embarrassed because of your size

Best friend chenle x chubby reader // some people are bullying you at school and you get very upset over it and he gets to comforts you (MY BBY CHENLE AWWW YISSSS)

Ten × Chubby!reader // Literally anything (and sexy yes)

ten x chubby!reader // she is insecure about her chubby stomach and thinks she isn’t sexy (like everyone only calls her cute and stuff) so she rants to ten (her best friend) (YALL I LOVE TEN)

Jisung x chubby reader // you guys are best friends and have feelings for one of another and the others try to match make you guys

best friend!chenle x Reader // he confesses to an insecure reader

Poly!Johntae x Chubby!Reader // if anyone has a specific idea for this let me know 

Pornstar!Yuta x Chubby!Reader // She’s actually super confident and he says something mean and she breaks up with him and he realizes that he actually kind of loves her and needs her in his life and tries to get hr back and it ends in smutty romantic sexy texts (I AM ALL FOR THIS YOU HAVE NO IDEA)

t boyfriend!kihyun x chubby!reader texts // reader sends him the lyrics to TLC's No Scrubs as a little joke and he freaks out and asks if she thinks of him as a scrub and if she wants to leave him and she has to try to comfort him and tell him it was just a joke, that they were lyrics to a song.

this is not proof read at all so I apologize in advance for any mistakes I might have made :)

#nct 127 #bts #jay park #wu yifan #got7 #f(x) #seventeen #shinee #bigbang #ikon #monsta x #exo #kpop texts #kpop scenarios #texts #scenarios #nct 127 scenarios #bts scenarios #seventeen scenarios #exo scenarios

[especialty]

‼️Submission Saturday Rules & Guidelines‼️ #naaruletag • how to submit: 1. read all of the rules & make sure your photo is following all of them. 2. once you’re positive that it qualifies, dm me your picture. all submissions go to @nudityasart on Instagram PLEASE don't post your submissions or send them to any other account, only dm'd submissions will be posted!! PS: when you send in your dm, make sure to add in which SS it is for (themed or regular), as well as your pronouns if you'd like, especially to my trans friends, to prevent being misgendered! ‼️RULES!!‼️ I have two accounts now. @especialtys being my main (educational/informative/selfcare), and @nudityasart being my second account (bodypositivity/submissions). Unlike previous account(s), all submissions will be sent (and posted) to @nudityasart. 1. when submitting, remember that it is completely anonymous, meaning I will not tag you and no one will ever know it’s you, UNLESS you yourself choose to state otherwise in the comment section. (If you’d like to thank people for compliments or just let people know it’s you, you can do so by commenting but besides that the only two who will know who is is, will be you and I) but this is for body positivity ONLY and a majority don’t want to be named, therefor it remains anonymous on my part. Please don't DM me asking who a submitter is, I know sometimes you want to ask where they got their clothing but I want this to remain confidential so just comment asking and maybe they will reply or someone else who knows will! Another thing, before sending remember that I am not at fault if someone gets upset about your submission, but I will kindly delete it if necessary (this has happened quite a bit, actually, between protective partners and rude friends. just send me the picture as request the deletion of the photo. only the person who sent the photo can request for it to be removed, btw) 2. PICTURES: for your picture quality; I ask that it be high quality and trust me, I know sometimes phones don’t have the best quality, but here are the easiest ways I've found to match my theme: -use natural lighting, like in front of a window, outside, or a naturally lit room. - camera flash (especially if you have a low quality camera) I know it's hard using your back flash, so place a mirror in front of you to help get a good picture! these are the only two ways I know of to get a good picture, but outside/natural lighting is the best way to go to ensure your photo matches and gets posted on my account! (ps. if you need ideas, use other submissions (posts on @especialtys could help too) as reference to how the  photos should look, and pose ideas and picture ideas. I LOVE creativity!!) 3. censoring; this is a big issue with submissions because of Instagram so I need to address it. I can’t allow full nudes or any sexually explicit submissions because instagrams rules and regulations (and once again, this is for body positivity not send your genitalia to mooma. keep ya genitals covered. I, nor Instagram, want to see that so keep it away from me thank you) but as for nipples, yes you can send uncensored ones and I will censor them for you, (by putting light glares/stars on them. If you want to do it yourself but don't know the app: star/glare app is LINE camera! the sticker is "shine" last one with the saturation turned down so it's white) but I have to be extremely cautious with what I post on my account  in order to not be deleted so I would appreciate it if you covered them with something, but if you don't that's okay too! I'll censor it for you! btw, your gender or sex doesn’t matter when censoring. I will censor any and ALL nipples! I’m censoring everyone's as a way to get some form of equality on my page. If one should be censored, shouldn't they all be? But, you can also use your hand to cover your nipples or use something else like paint, real or fake flowers, candies, (real) stickers, leaves, sea shells or pretty rocks/gems, small toys, (this will hurt coming off) tape, fruit/other foods, slime, compact mirrors, little pumpkins, small plushies, glitter, or anything of your choosing!! be creative and have fun with it, there's really no wrong thing you could use except for (basically anything digitally added except blurring or star/glare) emojis, or any type of edited sticker as well as coloring them out with the snapchat pen or any other type of pen, this includes background blurring because it doesn’t fit my theme at all and won't be posted. sorry! 4. no filters of any kind; I know!! a lot of you enjoy using the black and white filter or some other filter because it makes you look good but it doesn’t match my theme and it doesn't send a good message, I’m sorry!! please send it without a filter, because I won't post it on my account with a filter. 5. Although you don't have to be completely bare to submit, I would ask that you not have too much clothing covering yourself since this is for body positivity and it's hard for someone to compliment your body if they can't see it. If you aren't comfortable with nudity, you can always just take a cute picture of your tummy! or if you don't want to do that, a picture of your collar bones or your thighs? whatever you're comfortable with! 6. Don’t be rude to any submitters; I will not tolerate any form of negativity on my account. this is a SAFE place and I won't let anyone ruin that for me or anyone else on my page. do you know how much confidence it takes to post some of your greatest insecurities? a fucking lot. this is for positivity and appreciation!! don’t be a dick to anyone who posts, your comment will be deleted and you might even be blocked. Be kind to one another. Bring everyone who submits up, not down. prove to them how beautiful the skin they are in is. It isn’t that fucking hard and it’s free to be a decent human being!! 7. Please be patient; & don’t get upset when I don’t post yours right away. I receive many dms and pending dms, that it takes me a while to post them all. but occasionally, I don't receive dms so please if I haven’t posted yours and it’s been two weeks+ just send me a heart (sometimes you'll need to unsend and resend it) or ask if I’ve saved yours yet, and I’ll make sure to do so ASAP(: • AND REMEMBER: if you have any questions or comments regarding SS, feel free to contact me via dm or ask them on qoohme (the link is in @especialtys bio) and also via my remindapp (text "@mooma" to 81010, or get the remind app and add "@mooma") and I will get back to you as soon as I can! I love you all, don't forget to check the FAQ before asking a question x ‼️FAQ: • do I have to be following you to submit I don't see why you wouldn't be following me if you were trying to submit but yes, you MUST at least be following @nudityasart to submit. • when are submissions posted? every other Saturday for regular submissions. and once a month for themed submissions, unless I & the people who help post submissions have something come up that prohibits us from doing so, from twelve am Friday night to twelve am Saturday night! (CST) although sometimes it's started sooner than that. • how many submissions do you normally post? there isn’t any given number that I post. once I post a submission I won’t post another until that one gets twenty five or more comments. I do this so each submission gets a good amount of positivity. I don't want anyone feeling left out! for people who comment and the comments, please don’t put some unrelated comment such as emojis or something, actually take time (if you have it) to write a positive message about how a feature that caught your eye, or how strong they must be, or how wonderful their completion is or how you adore their freckles, etc. it doesn’t take much of your time and I promise you it will make someone’s day so much better. just say things that you’d want to be told about your own body  but a little ps, saying "goals" or "i would die to have this body" or "I wish I looked like this" or  "why can't I have this body" or any other self degrading comment is NOT a compliment and never will be a compliment. it will be deleted. bringing yourself down isn't what I consider a compliment, sorry! not only that, it could end up hurting someone rather than helping them! • when can i send you my submission? any day of the week! most send on Saturday while I’m posting submissions and that’s cool and all but sadly, you cut the likelihood of it actually getting posted that day by half because I post the ones I didn’t get to post last week, and then the ones sent throughout the week, first(: (I recommend sending them Thursday because I save them on Friday) • is there an age limit to submit? sort of, I’d ask that you’d be at least thirteen+ because although this is only for body positivity I am not dumb and I know some people may see it in other forms. so since instagrams age limit is thirteen I guess so is mine. although, if you’re underaged please do not send me full nudes (keep your genitals covered please. tummy pics, thigh pics, etc are fine, but I would be careful not to have full nudity so undies/bathing suits are a must) this puts me in a very awkward position. remember that your nudes are often considered child pornography depending on your state/region. and depending on your age. be careful kiddos. • if I send you a caption to post with my pic, will you post that too? yes yes! all you have to do is specify that you want your caption posted and bam! posted along with your photo ! • do I have to be naked to submit? not persay, no. not everyone is comfortable being completely naked, and I understand that 100%. but since this is body positivity, you can't exactly receive compliments about your body with full clothing so I would ask that you have minimal clothing. if you aren't comfortable with showing your stomach, show off your thighs or collar bones! • can I send you a selfie to post? no. sorry but this isn't a selfie positivity account, it's a body positive account so no picture with your face in it please. covering it with your phone is okay though and having your lips in it if yore doing a collar bone photo but otherwise no, please crop your face out. it isn't really anonymous if your face is in it.

[tamilundauthor]

Yeah, I just made that word up. What do they call that? Click-bait. I wanted you to check out my blog post, so I came up with something to entice you into clicking. That’s it. The only purpose for the word, Docu-diet.

Well, maybe not the only purpose. I mean, I really did start a diet last week, and I am documenting it on Twitter, so maybe I just created a new word? Hmmm….

Anyway, what the hell am I talking about and why do you care that I’m dieting? Well, I’m sure you don’t, other than my dieting woes may create a few chuckles for you. Because let me tell you, the only way I’m going to make it through the next seven weeks is by using a lot of sarcasm. Dieting is not my thing. Wine and too-large portions are more up my alley, and those are apparently big, fat no-no’s in the dieting world.

Let me explain, via my Twitter feed:

Why am I dieting?

(Besides the fact that none of my cute little summer skirts fit right.)

Because there’s a weight loss challenge at the day job and there’s a PRIZE for the winner.

I don’t even know what the prize is but does that even matter??

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 3, 2019

Diet day 1: not unsuccessful, although not yet asleep, so there’s still time to ef this up.

Also, don’t you DARE come within twenty feet bearing wine or potato chips.

Eight weeks to go…

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 3, 2019

The Diet – day 2:

It’s 10:44 am and I am STARVING.

This is not going well.

I don’t think I’m cut out for this dieting gig.

Eight ridiculously long weeks to go…

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 3, 2019

Diet day 2 – made a vegetarian Mexican salad with the most amazing lime-cilantro vinaigrette.

Healthy food really does have a ton of flavor.

But 4 helpings of salad is still too many helpings even if it’s salad.

And this is where I will fail…

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 3, 2019

Diet day 2: iwantwineiwantwineiwantwineiwantpotatochipsiwantwineiwantwineiwantacadburycremeeggiwantwineiwant….

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 3, 2019

Diet day 2: Dear God, this sounds heavenly. https://t.co/hKyEab3Mwv

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 4, 2019

Diet day 3: Last day of bowling league tonight.

So already planning for failure.

On the plus side, it’s also #OpeningDay for the #DetroitTigers, so I figure everyone in the Weight Loss Challenge will fail today.

So that’s a win for everyone, right??

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 4, 2019

Diet day 3: here’s a pic of a pretty salad…

So I’m starting the day right, but no worries; that will deteriorate as soon as I step foot in the bowling alley… pic.twitter.com/bnq80NH7Ja

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 4, 2019

Diet day 3

Bowling alley options: Pizza Burgers Fried food **DRINK!

Diet on hiatus…

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 4, 2019

Diet day 3: we shall not speak of the bowling alley.

Move along, people, move along… Nothing to see here!

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 5, 2019

Diet day 5: Oh shit, I forgot about day 4!

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 6, 2019

Diet day 5: So far, so good.

Of course, it’s only 8:45 am…. but hey, I’ll take the win!

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 6, 2019

Diet day 5 – OMG, the receptionist at my hairdresser’s just asked me which of my books she should start reading first and this has nothing to do with dieting but it sure fills up my heart and soul!

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 6, 2019

Side note: Based on her reading preferences, this is the series I recommended she start with: TWISTED FATE SERIES ON AMAZON

Diet day 5: it’s the weekend, so yes, there is drinking. But it’s 65 & sunny & I did yard work which is more exercise than I normally do, so that counts, right?

Right?!?

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 6, 2019

Diet day 6: My body acknowledges yesterday’s yard work with painful protest, while the scale mocks me with laughter.

What do you mean, it doesn’t happen that quickly??

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 7, 2019

Diet day 6: Mom says I can have the treadmill that’s acting as a clothes rack at her house.

Husband: Hell, no, that thing’s heavy!

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 7, 2019

  Diet day 7: oh God, the weekly weigh-in is tomorrow!

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 8, 2019

  Diet day 7: portion control~portion control~portion control…

Also, must perform ritualistic curse on that co-worker who mentioned the basketful of peanut M&Ms at the receptionist’s desk.

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 8, 2019

Who, I should mention, is also participating in this weight loss challenge.

I smell a conspiracy….

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 8, 2019

Diet day 7: I want seconds. And dessert. And wine.

Okay, I may have caved with the wine…

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 8, 2019

Diet day 8: About to do the weekly weigh-in.

If I haven’t lost anything I’m blaming it on the inordinate amount of makeup I used to cover up this zit on my chin.

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 9, 2019

Diet day 8: OMG I LOST A POUND! I LOST A POUND! THIS DIETING GIG IS AWESOME! . . . Damn, I want chocolate.

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 9, 2019

Diet day 8: birthday club is today. Key lime pie. Which I’ve learned is a whopping 22 Weight Watchers points.

Clearly, God hates dieters.

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 9, 2019

Diet day 8: black beans for lunch. My tummy is happy because it’s still full.

Pretty sure my husband won’t be quite so joyous later today.

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 9, 2019

Diet day 8: whatever we do for dinner, it will involve grilling. Because, 65 & sunny in April in #PureMichigan.

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 9, 2019

Diet day 8: If I weren’t dieting… https://t.co/iu5ZUAUnV1

— Tami Lund (@TamiLundAuthor) April 10, 2019

Wait, you aren’t following me on Twitter? Click HERE or any one of those tweets above and remedy that, asap.

I’ll wait.

Also, another side note: Guess what I learned today? HOW TO EMBED TWEETS INTO BLOG POSTS. May not be a big deal to you, but I feel a little bit like BuzzFeed right now.

So anyway, back to dieting… Yes, I’m doing it, or at least making more of an attempt than I ever have before. Which likely isn’t saying much compared to real dieters. But I truly do want to lose an inch or so around my waist so all those cute little skirts fit me again, and I figured joining a challenge with other people who are much more aggressively competitive than I am will at least encourage me to try harder than the average Tami.

So if you enjoy watching someone in misery or maybe you actually find my sense of humor amusing, head on over to Twitter and cheer me on. I need all the encouragement–and likes–I can get!

Tami Lund is an author, award-winner, and, apparently dieter. She’s also still a wine drinker, and is trying really hard not to keep Napa Valley in business, at least for the next seven weeks. Until she wins that prize. And then all bets are off.

PS – Yes, this pic is a few years old, and no, Tami isn’t updating it.

Docu-Diet, Twitter-Style Yeah, I just made that word up. What do they call that? Click-bait. I wanted you to check out my blog post, so I came up with something to entice you into clicking.

#Dieting #Twitter #Weight Loss Challenge

[especialty]

Submission Saturday Rules & Guidelines

(PS: this is for Instagram, please ignore if you don’t follow me there!)

#naasruletag

• how to submit:

1. read all of the rules & make sure your photo is following all of them.

2. once you’re positive that it qualifies, dm me your picture. all submissions go to @nudityasart on Instagram PLEASE don’t post your submissions or send them to any other account, only dm’d submissions will be posted!!

PS: when you send in your dm, make sure to add in your pronouns if you’d like, especially to my trans friends, to prevent being misgendered!

‼️RULES!!‼️

I have two accounts now. @especialitys being my main (educational/informative/selfcare), and @nudityasart being my second account (bodypositivity/submissions). Unlike previous account(s), all submissions will be sent (and posted) to @nudityasart.

1. when submitting, remember that it is completely anonymous, meaning I will not tag you and no one will ever know it’s you, UNLESS you yourself choose to state otherwise in the comment section.

(If you’d like to thank people for compliments or just let people know it’s you, you can do so by commenting but besides that the only two who will know who is is, will be you and I)

but this is for body positivity ONLY and a majority don’t want to be named, therefor it remains anonymous on my part. Please don’t DM me asking who a submitter is, I know sometimes you want to ask where they got their clothing but I want this to remain confidential so just comment asking and maybe they will reply or someone else who knows will!

Another thing, before sending remember that I am not at fault if someone gets upset about your submission, but I will kindly delete it if necessary

(this has happened quite a bit, actually, between protective partners and rude friends. just send me the picture as request the deletion of the photo. only the person who sent the photo can request for it to be removed, btw)

2. PICTURES: for your picture quality; I ask that it be high quality and trust me, I know sometimes phones don’t have the best quality, but here are the easiest ways I’ve found to match my theme:

-use natural lighting, like in front of a window, outside, or a naturally lit room.

- camera flash (especially if you have a low quality camera) I know it’s hard using your back flash, so place a mirror in front of you to help get a good picture!

these are the only two ways I know of to get a good picture, but outside/natural lighting is the best way to go to ensure your photo matches and gets posted on my account!

(ps. if you need ideas, use other submissions (posts on @especialitys could help too) as reference to how the photos should look, and pose ideas and picture ideas. I LOVE creativity!!)

3. censoring; this is a big issue with submissions because of Instagram so I need to address it. I can’t allow full nudes or any sexually explicit submissions because instagrams rules and regulations (and once again, this is for body positivity not send your genitalia to mooma. keep ya genitals covered. I, nor Instagram, want to see that so keep it away from me thank you) but as for nipples, yes you can send uncensored ones and I will censor them for you, (by putting light glares/stars on them. If you want to do it yourself but don’t know the app: star/glare app is LINE camera! the sticker is “shine” last one with the saturation turned down so it’s white) but I have to be extremely cautious with what I post on my account in order to not be deleted so I would appreciate it if you covered them with something, but if you don’t that’s okay too! I’ll censor it for you!

btw, your gender doesn’t matter when censoring. I will censor any and ALL nipples! I’m censoring everyone’s as a way to get some form of equality on my page. If one should be censored, shouldn’t they all be?

But, you can also use your hand to cover your nipples or use something else like paint, real or fake flowers, candies, (real) stickers, leaves, sea shells or pretty rocks/gems, small toys, (this will hurt coming off) tape, fruit/other foods, slime, compact mirrors, little pumpkins, small plushies, glitter, or anything of your choosing!! be creative and have fun with it, there’s really no wrong thing you could use except for (basically anything digitally added except blurring or star/glare) emojis, or any type of edited sticker as well as coloring them out with the snapchat pen or any other type of pen, this includes background blurring because it doesn’t fit my theme at all and won’t be posted.

4. no filters of any kind; I know!! a lot of you enjoy using the black and white filter or some other filter because it makes you look good but it doesn’t match my theme, I’m sorry!! please send it without a filter, because I won’t post it on my account with a filter.

5. Although you don’t have to be completely bare to submit, I would ask that you not have too much clothing covering yourself since this is for body positivity and it’s hard for someone to compliment your body if they can’t see it. If you aren’t comfortable with nudity, you can always just take a cute picture of your tummy! or if you don’t want to do that, a picture of your collar bones or your thighs? whatever you’re comfortable with!

6. Don’t be rude to any submitters; I will not tolerate any form of negativity on my account. this is a SAFE place and I won’t let anyone ruin that for me or anyone else on my page. do you know how much confidence it takes to post some of your greatest insecurities? a fucking lot. this is for positivity and appreciation!! don’t be a dick to anyone who posts, your comment will be deleted and you might even be blocked. Be kind to one another. Bring everyone who submits up, not down. prove to them how beautiful the skin they are in is. It isn’t that fucking hard and it’s free to be a decent human being!!

7. Please be patient; & don’t get upset when I don’t post yours right away. I have so many dms and pending dms, that it takes me a while to post them all. but occasionally, I don’t receive dms so please if I haven’t posted yours and it’s been two weeks+ just send me a heart (sometimes you’ll need to unsend and resend it) or ask if I’ve saved yours yet, and I’ll make sure to do so ASAP(:

IMPORTANT PART: when sending your submission, please send a bee emoji or a "I read all of your submission rules/guidelines" so I know you've read them all and are following them x

• AND REMEMBER:

if you have any questions or comments regarding SS, feel free to contact me via dm (I often don’t get a chance to reply to dms so if I don’t I’m so sorry!! try leaving a comment on one of my recent posts) or ask them on ask.fm (the link is in @selfcarecorner’s bio) and also via my remindapp (text “@mooma” to 81010, or get the remind app and add “@mooma”) and I will get back to you as soon as I can! I love you all, don’t forget to check the FAQ before asking a question x

‼️FAQ:

• do I have to be following you to submit

I don’t see why you wouldn’t be following me if you were trying to submit but yes, you MUST at least be following @nudityasart as well as @especialitys (on Instagram) to submit.

• when are submissions posted?

every Saturday, unless I have something come up that prohibits me from doing so, from twelve am Friday night to twelve am Saturday night! (CST)

• how many submissions do you normally post?

there isn’t any given number that I post. once I post a submission I won’t post another until that one gets twenty five or more comments. I do this so each submission gets a good amount of positivity. I don’t want anyone feeling left out!

for people who comment and the comments, please don’t put some unrelated comment such as emojis or something, actually take time (if you have it) to write a positive message about how a feature that caught your eye, or how strong they must be, or how wonderful their completion is or how you adore their freckles, etc. it doesn’t take much of your time and I promise you it will make someone’s day so much better. just say things that you’d want to be told about your own body but a little ps, saying “goals” or “i would die to have this body” or “I wish I looked like this” or “why can’t I have this body” or any other self degrading comment is NOT a compliment and never will be a compliment. it will be deleted. bringing yourself down isn’t what I consider a compliment, sorry!

• when can i send you my submission?

any day of the week! most send on Saturday while I’m posting submissions and that’s cool and all but you cut the likelihood of it actually getting posted that day by half because I post the ones I didn’t get to post last week, and then the ones sent throughout the week, first(: (I recommend sending them Thursday because I save them on Friday)

• is there an age limit to submit?

sort of, I’d ask that you’d be at least thirteen+ because although this is only for body positivity I am not dumb and I know some people may see it in other forms. so since instagrams age limit is thirteen I guess so is mine. although, if you’re underaged please do not send me full nudes (keep your genitals covered please. tummy pics, thigh pics, etc are fine, but I would be careful not to have full nudity so undies/bathing suits are a must) this puts me in a very awkward position. remember that your nudes are often considered child pornography depending on your state/region. be careful kiddos.

• if I send you a caption to post with my pic, will you post that too?

yes yes! all you have to do is specify that you want your caption posted and bam! posted along with your photo !

• do I have to be naked to submit?

not persay, no. not everyone is comfortable being completely naked, and I understand that 100%. but since this is body positivity, you can’t exactly receive compliments about your body with full clothing so I would ask that you have minimal clothing. if you aren’t comfortable with showing your stomach, show off your thighs or collar bones!

• can I send you a selfie to post?

no. sorry but this isn’t a selfie positivity account, it’s a body positive account so no picture with your face in it please. covering it with your phone is okay though and having your lips in it if yore doing a collar bone photo but otherwise no, please crop your face out. it isn’t really anonymous if your face is in it.