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love-belle · 10 months

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you are my sunshine !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which she's their sunshine and it's sunshine's birthday.

for when you find the people you can call home. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // lando norris x fem!reader

warnings - language

author's note - hello!!! i really hope u like this one!!! also, i have more than 20+ requests in my inbox at the moment so if you've requested something, it may take some time for me to post them, so sorry about that ://// thank u so much for reading, i love you <3

≡;- ꒰ °twitter ꒱

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by landonorris, lilymhe, alex_albon and 863,229 others

yourusername the kind of radiance u only have at (23) 17

6,528 comments

username OH MY GOD

username HELLO??????

username SO FUCKING PRETTY I SCREAMED

username lando. me n u. mcdonald's parking lot. ur catching these hands.

carmenmmundt happiest birthday to my fav person EVER!!! i love you so much baby, thank you for always fixing everything with just a smile ❤️❤️❤️

-> yourusername CARMEN IM GONNA CRY??? i love you so so so so so much like ur like my fav person ever thank u ❤️❤️❤️

username HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEEN ❤️‍🩹

*liked by yourusername*

username dumped my bf for u omg

username THE TAYLOR SWIFT LYRICS

username hahahahahah!!!!! just fell in love!!!!!!!!

username my bisexual awakening

alex_albon hbd.

-> yourusername ty.

-> username not these two acting they're they're not BEST friends 😭😭😭

username lando just so u know it's OUR girlfriend now

username JAW DROPPED

lilymhe been looking at this for 10 mins

-> yourusername blushing omg

lilymhe u lowk need to find another caption for ur bday post bc u have been using this since u turned 17

-> yourusername it's my bday leave me ALONE

username SHE'S SO PRETTY LIKE IM SO AHHHSHSH

username happiest bday to one who made lando a simp 😌 we love u so much

username i want her so bad

landonorris HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVEEE YOU SO MUCH

-> yourusername LANDO THANK U SO MUCH I LOVE YOU

landonorris hahahaha can i get your no. are you single are you free this friday do you have a boyfriend

-> yourusername i have a girlfriend lilymhe

-> lilymhe back off norris

-> landonorris wow.

username genuinely in awe rn LIKE

lewishamilton happiest birthday y/n 🤍 have the best day ahead!! cannot wait to see you and lando tonight!!

-> yourusername LEWIS THANK U ‼️‼️‼️ see u tonight im so excited 🔥🔥🔥

username she's so girlboss i love her

username HER.

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, pierregasly and 986,318 others

landonorris happiest birthday to my person, my love, my y/n. you're easily the most sunshine-y person i have ever met and i love you so much, even if you love lily more than me. i remember telling you about my favourite flower and the very next day, you showed up with a bouquet full of white roses and a cheesy card and that was when i knew that i wanted to spend all of my lifetimes with you. here's to growing old but never growing up. have the happiest day ahead, darling ❤️

tagged yourusername

username ask me if im ok

-> username are u ok

-> username BITCH NO

username SOVBINF

username babe wake up new y/n pics just dropped

pierregasly happy birthday to the actual goat 🐐

*liked by yourusername*

username the caption has me rolling on the floor

username dead deceased six feet under decomposed decaying gone

username they're so 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

lilymhe glad u acknowledged her loving me more than u

-> landonorris you're still banned from our home

-> yourusername no she's not. lily ❤️❤️❤️

-> landonorris and to think i spent half an hour to choose these photos..

-> yourusername sorry babe 🫤

username SHE'S SO SUNSHINE GIRLY

username MOTHER

username she could step on me and i would say thank u

charles_leclerc the og queen 🔥

*liked by landonorris*

username MY PERSON MY LOVE MY Y/N

username further proof of if he wanted to he would

yourusername brb sobbing

-> landonorris OMG PLEASE DON'T

yourusername omg

yourusername ahahahahahaha i love you???

-> landonorris i love you.

yourusername thank u thank u thank u

yourusername frrr ur the best part of my life, ur what i imagined daylight to be like thank u for making me the happiest idk how i got so lucky with u

-> landonorris i love you ❤️

username shakespeare's been real quiet since lando wrote this caption

username they're MY parents

username MY Y/N

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by yourusername, francisca.cgomes, landonorris and 782,825 others

lilymhe to my soul sister, my best friend, my partner in crime, my 3am call since forever, happy happy happy birthday, my love. there's good in this world and i found a LOT of it in you, thank you so much for being my sunshine on days where everything got too hard. i love you so much, to the moon and to saturn. ( landonorris, suck on the caption)

tagged yourusername

username OH MY GOD

username THE CAPTION HELLO

username i sobbed ngl

username MY SOUL SISTE MY BEST FRIEND MY PARTNER IN CRIME MY 3AM CALL SINCE FOREVER

carmenmmundt 🤍🤍🤍

*liked by lilymhe*

username gfs ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

username i love them sm wtf

username NOT HER TAGGING LANDO

-> username their (fake) beef is too funny like 😭😭😭😭

francisca.cgomes missing you both so much!!!

-> lilymhe can't wait to see you next week <3

username the wags being best friends ❤️❤️❤️

username this post gave me sm serotonin thank u

username Y/N IS THE DEFINITION OF SUNSHINE GIRLY AND I LOVE HER SM FOR THAT

username they're so ❤️❤️❤️🫤🫤🫤😭😭😭‼️‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥😘😘😘😘🥰🥰🥰🥰❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

alex_albon i better be getting a caption this long on my bday

-> lilymhe we'll see

-> yourusername just accept that i'm her fav ❤️

username I LOVE THEM SM

username women friendships are so precious to me like ❤️❤️❤️

username further proof that love stories are not always romantic

*liked by yourusername and lilymhe*

landonorris fuck you stop trying to steal my girlfriend

-> lilymhe *OUR girlfriend

-> yourusername love all of my bitches equally ❤️

username HER TAGGING LANDO IS SENDING ME 😭😭😭😭😭

yourusername do u want me to cry???? lily i love you so much ❤️❤️❤️ thank u so much for always being there for me like i don't know what i did so good in my past life to have YOU as my best friend but i'm so glad i do, i love you ❤️

-> lilymhe i love you so much bae ❤️❤️❤️

username their friendship is so pure like

username lando and alex who???? it's y/n and lily

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by yourusername, landonorris, lilymhe and 798,928 others

alex_albon happy birthday to the only person i'd want to sit beside me in prison. thank you so much for years of memories, laughing till we cried, going on stupid adventures together that got us yelled at by lily and here's to a lot more. i love you, i guess, even though you made my girlfriend love you more. have a good one, you stupid. time to start buying anti-wrinkle cream.

tagged yourusername

6,728 comments

username HELP OMG

username the WILD contrast between lily's and alex's caption

username NO BC THEY'RE BEST FRIENDS GOALS LIKE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

danielricciardo "stupid adventures" and it's just the august incident.

-> yourusername OMG THE AUGUST INCIDENT

-> lewishamilton we agreed not to speak of that x

-> georgerussell63 alex and y/n have done questionable shit growing up but the august incident will forever top the list

-> carlossainz55 that was scary, no?

-> landonorris I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT

-> maxverstappen1 no because charles almost cried

-> charles_leclerc I DID NOT

-> pierregasly you did, mate

-> alex_albon we DON'T talk about it

-> lilymhe still disappointed in all of you

-> username WHAT IS THE AUGUST INCIDENT

-> username HELLO???? WE NEED DETAILS????

-> username nah bc what'd they do 😭😭😭

username this caption made me drop to the floor and roll down the stairs

username BEST FRIENDS

username no bc they're definitely the kind of duo that would go to jail and get bailed out by their partners

-> username lily would SO be the disappointed mom and gf

-> username meanwhile lando is just along for the ride

username LILY ALEX Y/N LANDO 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

username NOT ANTI WRINKLE CREAM

lilymhe of COURSE she loves me more than she loves you, have you seen me???

-> yourusername i have and let me tell you, woah.

-> lilymhe 😘

-> alex_albon out of my comment section you hoes

username LILY AND Y/N WILL FOREVER BE THE SUPERIOR DUO

username im so ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

username WORM ON THE STRING

-> username they're so unserious i love them

landonorris my girl my girl my girl my girl my girl ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

-> alex_albon you're literally sitting on her lap rn

-> landonorris ok and?

-> username LANDO SITTING ON HER LAP HELP

-> username nah it's cause it's so babygirl like ❤️❤️❤️

-> username real like ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

username i love their friendship ur honour

yourusername thank you for making the best decision of ur life and meeting lily, it's bc of u that i found my wife ❤️❤️❤️ forever grateful dude

-> alex_albon no problem bro

yourusername and thank u for listening to me shit talk about people i hate and then shit talking with me

-> alex_albon our shit talking sessions are so fun, we're so mean and i love that

username I NEED FRIENDS LIKE THIS WTF

username AHHSHHSHDBXBXNDNS

#f1 x female reader #f1 x reader #social media au #fake instagram imagines #f1 imagines #lando norris imagine #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x you #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagines #lando norris insta au #lando norris fanfic #lando norris fluff #lando norris blurb

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finnsbubblegum · 1 year

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First Birthday (Joel Miller X Reader)

Pairing: no-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

Warnings: fluff, sweet joel, domestic joel, rom-com

Summary (Series): reader as Joel’s neighbor. Joel’s wife left him so Joel asked his neighbor for help in babysitting Sarah.

Summary: Pov: You and Joel prepared to celebrate baby Sarah’s first birthday together.

Words count: 1.5k

A/N: I’m trying to make this as a rom-com, hope you like my new series! This is part 6 of Where It All Starts. But it can also be read as a standalone. I'm beyond happy that many of you liked it so I hope you enjoy the next parts. Stay tuned and love you!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20

Thank God Joel still treated you the same way before he confessed his love to you that night. You acted like nothing happened and he did the same.

“Thank you for walking me home, Joel.” Joel always walked you home even though your house was exactly next to his.

“Anytime, darlin’.” This was the second time he called you darling. Your heart jumped.

“I-uh-I forgot to tell you. Sarah’s birthday is coming. I was wondering if we could celebrate together.” He put his hand behind his neck.

“Oh really? It’s her first birthday! We should hold a party!” You jumped excitedly.

“A party? I don’t know (y/n). I mean-I don’t have anyone to invite beside my brother.” Joel put his hands in his pocket.

“I can invite my friends from the cafe. Let’s give Sarah the best first birthday ever. She deserves it.” You bumped Joel on the upper arm.

“Yeah, she deserves the best.” Joel nodded.

“So, what should we do?” He crossed his arms.

“I’ll think about it and we can talk about it again tomorrow.”

“Okay. Thanks. Good night, darlin’.” Joel kissed your cheek.

“Good night, Joel.” You kissed him back.

You shrieked as you closed the door. Joel Miller just called you darling. After what you said to him and he still called you darling? His words made you sway. And the kiss on the cheek felt different. Joel kissed your cheek every night but today definitely felt different. It felt more loving if you had to describe it. Was it because he called you darling? Was it because he was still nice to you even though you broke his heart? Then you remembered you told him that you weren’t ready for a relationship. You were the one who asked him not to fall in love with you but why were you swayed now? You hit your head to get a grip of yourself. You spent your night thinking about how you could make Sarah’s birthday special. You took out your notebook and wrote your ideas about the cake design, colors, decorations and everything. Trying to neglect your thoughts about how perfect Joel was.

It was another day and you prepared dinner at Joel’s house just like usual. You and Joel had dinner together almost every night since you babysat Sarah. Either you cooked for the two of you, ordered deliveries, Joel brought takeouts, or ate out. But tonight you decided to cook.

“You’re home early.” You turned to look at Joel who just got home from work.

“Today was peaceful.” He chuckled.

“Dinner will be ready in 10. So you can take a shower first, sir.” You bowed, acting like a maid.

“I’ll be back.” Joel chuckled as he shook his head at your joke.

*10 minutes later*

Joel went down the stairs looking fresh after a shower.

“Smells good.” Joel sniffed.

“You always said that.” You scoffed.

“I’m being honest.” Joel glared at you.

“Well, thank you.” You smiled.

You and Joel dug in and ate the meal you cooked.

“So, I’ve got some ideas for Sarah’s first birthday party.” You took out your notebook.

“Uh-huh. What do you got?”

“I was thinking of a pink themed kind of birthday party. What do you think?” You squinted your eyes.

“Hmm, how about purple? I’m seeing Sarah as a purple girl.” Joel voted purple.

“Yes sir. Purple it is.” You wrote purple on your notebook.

“About the cake, I have talked to my baker and he has this amazing design in mind. You’ll love it.”

“I’ll leave it to you, miss.”

Sarah’s Birthday D-1

You and Joel decorated the house with purple flowers and purple balloons. You used helium for the balloon so it could fly to the ceilings.

"Never meant to cause you any sorrow~"

Joel sang as he held the balloon pumper as a microphone near his mouth.

You turned your head right away as you heard a high-pitched voice singing.

"Seriously?" You put your hands to your waist staring at him.

"Never meant to cause you any pain" Joel closed his eyes and continued singing.

You inhaled some of the helium and jumped to the couch.

"I only wanted to one time to see you laughing.."

You sang and Joel stopped because he was impressed by you.

"I only wanted to see you in the purple rain"

You started to sing like a real singer on the stage but you were just on Joel's couch.

"Purple rain

Purple rain"

Joel inhaled another helium and sang with you together. The two of you burst into laughter. You couldn't stop laughing, your stomach hurts.

"Okay, okay. Stop it. My stomach hurts from laughing." You pressed your stomach.

"I didn't know you like Prince." You bumped Joel's arm.

"Purple rain is like my jam." Joel squinted his eyes.

"Wait, did you choose purple because of the song? Purple as in purple rain?" You furrowed your brows confused as you joined the dots. He shrugged.

"I..may have chosen purple because of purple rain." He admitted.

"You're sooo predictable." You shook your head and poked his chest with your index finger.

D-day

The birthday cake was big and purple. It was a two tier cake with pearls and sparkly butterflies around it. You thanked your baker for making Sarah a beautiful birthday cake.

Sarah wore a purple dress with a purple bow tie bandana headband around her head. You and Joel had bought them a few days ago at the mall.

"Happy birthday, you cute little girl!" One of your employees from the cafe shook her little hand gently.

"Whoaa, who is this pretty little girl here?" Another friend from your cafe came to her while baby Sarah was in Joel's arms.

"Happy birthday, purple girl." Flo came and stroked her head.

"Say thank you, babygirl." Joel bounced Sarah and she babbled.

"You're welcome." Flo gave you a gift box for Sarah and you put it on the table piled with presents.

Everyone was happy to celebrate Sarah's birthday. They were like a second family to her. She spent every day with them and you at the cafe. And they loved her too.

“Hey, you old fucker. And hey there you, babygirl. Happy birthday, my sweet little niece.” An unfamiliar man approached the two of you and kissed baby Sarah’s head.

“Tommy!” Joel hugged his younger brother.

“(y/n), this is Tommy, my younger brother. Tommy this is (y/n). She’s uh-she’s my neighbor. She’s the one who came up with all of these.” Joel introduced you to Tommy and pointed around the house.

“Hi, Tommy. I’m (y/n). Nice to meet you. Joel helped a lot too.” You shook Tommy’s hand.

“So you guys-uh-together?” Tommy asked.

“We’re neighbors.” You answered and Joel nodded.

“Okay. If you want to say it that way. I’m sure you guys are more than that anyways.” Tommy raised both of his opened palms in the air.

“Okay, now I’m gonna mingle and see if I can talk to that pretty girl.” Tommy walked away and talked to a girl, who was apparently to be Flo.

“I didn’t know you had a brother.” You chuckled.

“Well, you know about it now.” Joel kissed Sarah’s cheek.

“He seems..” You pouted as you were looking for the right word.

“Friendly. Very much friendly.” You smirked.

“Yep, he is.”

“Why don’t we gather everyone and sing happy birthday?” You rested your hand at Joel’s shoulder then to Sarah’s head.

"Everyone! Joel here has something to say." You gathered everyone's attention.

"What? I thought you were the one who-" Joel whispered to you and bumped your arm.

"Shh.. come on do the speech." You whispered back to him.

"I didn't prepare anythin'." He panicked.

"You can do it. Come on." You patted his back.

"Hi-uh-I'm Joel. I'm sure you all know Sarah. She's turning one today. Thank you for takin' care of her every day at the cafe. I really appreciate it. You are all a second family to her. Why don't we-uh-sing happy birthday to my little girl?" Joel was sweating. You could see it dripping to the back of his neck but you just chuckled. You found him cute this way.

*Everyone started to sing*

Joel sang half way and he stopped singing so you turned to him. His eyes were locked to a woman who just came into the house. She was his ex-wife and her current boyfriend.

"Joel.." You stroked his upper arm.

"Hold Sarah for me?" He passed Sarah to your arms.

"Okay." You took her from his arms and held her, bouncing her a bit.

Joel sighed as he walked towards his ex-wife. He didn't let her see Sarah. He dragged her outside the house avoiding everyone to see the drama that would happen.

"Everything's gonna be okay, baby. Your dad got this. Let's just be happy and celebrate your birthday. Today's your special day." You talked to baby Sarah and kissed her forehead.

To be continued…

Taglist:

@lovelyygirl8 @skysmiller @moonlightdivine @crocodiile @angie2274 @pulchritudinousrogers @peqchsoup @msecho19 @happinessinthebeing @nyotamalfoy @nakedmoondiaries @dzaga890 @pa1g3-t0mm0 @prettysbliss @wanniiieeee @one-sweet-gubler @x-ap0llo-x @feministfanboi @ordinarylokix @afterglowsb-tch13 @padgraysonssram8re @tomorrowseverything @hummusxx @iranispunk @mrsyixingunicorn10 @likeanimagepassingby2 @mediocrewallflow3r @pedr0swh0r3 @mxtokko @dorck26 @cascactus28 @cheyxfu @stupidthoughtsinwriting @undermoonlightwalk @bigmoodyjoody @humanbug @sarahhxx03 @krisviciousx @quixscentsposts @dgct2 @dgraysonss @heybabyshae @fluffyspaceprincess @toottmblr @avengersfan25 @xixxala @dianaffddz @onzayhe @violetwitchmcu @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @kelh27

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months

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AITA for agreeing to go on a date with a guy even though I'm a lesbian, and then breaking up via text?

Late last year I (then 22NB) started hanging out with one of my classmates (20?M) outside of class. I had kind of a feeling that he like-liked me, he would compliment me frequently and seemed to seek me out between my other classes to hang out. As I mentioned, I am a lesbian (questioning at the time but I'm fairly confident in the label now), and while he's a nice dude I definitely wasn't reciprocating. I'm not the best at socializing and don't really have a lot of friends, on top of being super deep in the closet about every aspect of my identity, so I didn't want to screw things up by calling him out or preemptively rejecting him. The semester eventually ended, and we'd occasionally text or dm over discord during winter break.

Then right after midnight on New Years, he calls me to ask me out on a date. Here's the thing -- no one had ever asked me out. Ever. So I guess I got caught up in the thrill of getting asked out and agreed. We made plans for the next week to go and get dinner. Here's where I think I may start being the asshole: I had a week to back out and didn't. I clearly didn't like him the way he liked me, but I went on this date anyway. I think part of my though process was also like "I don't know if I'm actually a lesbian so this could be a good test to see if I like men after all!" ...even though I wasn't actually attracted to him to begin with.

The date itself was... fine? He showed up with flowers, which was a nice gesture, but conversation over dinner was kinda awkward. He also tried to kiss me after, which I shut down right away. He joked about kissing me "next time!", and I was still kinda thrown by the attempted kiss didn't know what to say so I just laughed and echoed "next time". On my way home, I was basically planning what I'd actually say to him next time I saw him to let him know I wasn't interested. We weren't official at this point, so I figured it would just be a quick convo and we'd go on with our lives.

The next semester was coming up, so I figured I'd see him then, but then when we started chatting about classes I realized that all of our classes were on completely different campuses (it's a community college, the campuses are like ~30 mins away from each other). Our schedules outside of class didn't leave us with a lot of overlapping free time (like, I work weekends, which is his only free time, he worked after my classes would get out, etc) so I wasn't sure when I'd see him irl again.

When he brought up a second date via text, I didn't want to agree to see him just to get there and dump him, that just felt like a scummy move. But breaking up via text also felt scummy! I spent a few hours just stewing over this, and eventually decided to break up via text. I didn't know when I'd see him again outside of a date, and I didn't want to string him along till then. I apologized profusely, saying that I just didn't like him the way he liked me and hoped that we could remain friends. I also apologized for letting him down via text, because of the aforementioned not wanting to go on a date with the sole purpose of dumping him. He was hurt, but overall took it well, agreeing to just stay friends, but after that our conversations just kinda... stopped. I figured I'd give him some time, but we haven't really talked since then. I feel like it's my fault, both for being the one to break things off and for not reaching out after.

So, was I TA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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thehopelessromanticclub · 8 months

Text

A DATE IN THE ER?

Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x reader

Genre : fluff, established relationship, domestic au

Word count : 1.3k

Summary : You have a date at the roller skating park with him teaching you how to skate. But what wasn’t the part of the plan was, you ending up in the ER

Author’s note : I actually got the inspiration to write this from a prompt from @love-me-a-good-prompt. Pls do check out their account. They have grt writing prompts.

Y/N’s POV

”Do you wanna go roller skate?” As badly as I wanted to say YES, I couldn’t. Why? Because I don’t know how to roller skate. As simple as that. I always wanted to learn how to roller skate. But I never really had the chance to actually go and learn. Or maybe I did. Except for the part where I spent the entire lesson just sitting in the corner because I was afraid of falling. I know, I know life is all about falling and getting up. But A PAIN IN THE BUTT!!! that too for a week!? Nah!!! Not a huge fan. It was like that one Buy 1 Get 1 Free offer that no one ever wanted to avail.

But guess what did I say….

“Yeah, sure. Why not?” Well, what else do you expect me to do when he’s asking me with those lethal puppy eyes. They have the power to melt the coldest heart, let alone me.

so here I was, on my way to skating rink with a human-in-a-bunny-form boyfriend beside me hopping on his two hind legs unable to contain his excitement, narrating all those scenarios where, if I happened to fall, he’ll come to my rescue, and how we can stare at each other and fall in love all over again. As romantic as that sounds, I couldn’t beat the fear in my heart of falling and embarrassing myself in front of him. Author’s POV “Jungkook-ah, do we really have to do this?” You begged tugging on his oversized denim jacket. “Is something wrong?” He diverted all his attention towards you.

“I think I’m having a heart attack!” You stated clutching the right side of your chest adamant on gaining his sympathy and getting out of this place.

“As far as I remember my anatomy class, heart is towards the left side of the chest, and yes, we are doing roller skating.” He said placing your hand on the left side of your chest earning a glare from you. He is one stubborn boss baby. Once he has his mind set to something, he’s gonna do it no matter what.

“Come, let me help you with your laces. I don’t want you falling. I mean I don’t mind you falling for me tho.” He winks at you with a flirty smile lingering on his lips earning an eye roll from you. This boy, he never missed the opportunity to flirt with you. You almost believed that he has dual personality. At times he is all shy and red, and sometimes he is so cocky that he makes you a blushing mess. But that’s why you fell for him in the first place.

He was a mess. A chaotic mess. A happy mess. An emotional mess. A beautiful mess. That’s one thing you knew for sure.

“Come let’s go to the skating rink while there’s still less people.” He guides you to the skating rink hand in hand. Another thing you loved about him. He always made sure you were cared for and loved for. His hand never left yours. They always somehow made their way towards each other. Gravitating towards each other. Happily and married.

Time skip

“Y/N, can you stop sticking your butt out?”

“Fine, I’m trying okay?

It’s not like I was born a pro at it.”

“I know, but you look like a new born who’s learning how to walk.” He giggled trying his best to hold his laughter as he has been doing for the past 20 mins. “Yeah, whatever.”

“Okay, now let’s try roller skating without holding hands.” He stated, having enough confidence in your skills.

“No no no, don’t let go of my hands kookie.”

“I won’t. Ever. But trust me in this, okay?” He uttered giving your hands a squeeze before letting them go.

“Slow and steady. Each stride at a time. Okay?” He instructed watching each and every one of your step closely.

“I think I’ve got it…” you say, a victory smile making its way onto your face. Proud of what you’ve accomplished. Not a huge feat of course, but for you it was. You almost gave up on the whole idea of learning roller skating. Little did you know, all you had to do was ask your boyfriend out on a roller skating date!

“See, that’s my girl.”

your confidence grew in each stride you took, until it turned into overconfidence and next thing you know is reaching your hand out to grab Jungkook’s but they never met. Like that one forbidden love story, where the couple are destined to be together but their fates had a different say.

The last thing you remember is hitting your head on the railing and a worried Jungkook asking you to wake up.

You wanted to wake up, but your eyelids seemed to have a mind of their own. They felt so heavy. You wanted to sleep so bad. Just 1 min of sleep. Time skip

you struggle to open your eyes, due to the harsh lighting’s hitting on your face. And the throbbing sensation on your forehead wasn’t helping at all. And the smell of disinfectants tingling your sensory receptors was the cherry on top.

As soon as you open your eyes, you see white ceilings, white lights…everything’s white and a face. Jungkook’s face.

“Am I in heaven? Even the angels look like Jungkook.” Confusion was all around your face

“Hey Y/N!!! Are you okay? Are you in pain? Do you recognise me?” He bombards you with questions one after another.

“Jungkook? Am I in a hospital?”

“Yes, baby. Omg I was so worried.” He says slumping down on a chair, tears rolling out of his eyes one after another.

“Hey Kookie, it’s fine. Look at me, I’m totally fine, well of course except the bump on my forehead.”

“No you’re not. I’m such a terrible boyfriend. You told me not to take you to the rink in the first place and I still did. If only had I listened to you, this wouldn’t have happened!”

“No, come here.” You give him a hug.

“Look, I know at first I was hesitant to go there, guess what thanks to you I finally learned at least how to stride in wheels right? Something that I never could’ve achieved my whole life on my own. But thanks to my boyfriend, I did it. Even if I had the chance to start over this day all over again, I would still go down the same path. That’s for sure.”

“Really?” He finally looks up, his face all flushed due to sobbing.

“And not everyone gets to spend a date in the ER you know. That’s definitely something worth telling our children.” He blushes at the mention of your future together.

“Do you have any idea how worried i was when you hit your head. What if you forgot about me like they show in movies. Just the thought itself is terrifying.”

“Dumbo, it wasn’t that big of a fall. And even if by the slightest chance, I end up forgetting you, I’m sure I’ll fall in love with you again. For every lifetime.”

“Is this the part where we kiss?”

“I guess, it is.”

Just as you were about to lean in and kiss, you were interrupted by a resident on your case.

“Ms. Y/N, we are getting your discharge papers ready. I’ll prescribe you some pain meds and as for the bump on your forehead from the trauma, it will resolve on its own.”

“Thank you doc.” You both say to the resident.

“And yeah, one more thing, I would be really obliged if you love birds, could respect us singles here.” With that he left, leaving you and Jungkook foolishly laughing at how the entire date turned out.

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butmakeitgayblog · 4 months

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ADHD here, please tell me, teach me, write instruction to how brush and floss your teeth three times a day.

Please.

Do you set alarm clocks? Do you have apps that reminds you? T_T

And no, wisdom teeth ARE NOT easy.

I gotchu

👇👇👇👇

Nope no apps or alarms. It's all less about a schedule, and more just working it into your eating routine. Making flossing and brushing part of your eating process is the easiest way rather than just relying on memory or "oop it's 1pm, gotta brush!" when you may not even eat lunch until 2, you get me?

Here's my process:

1. Brush before you eat breakfast. If you feel a bit nauseous in the mornings, try and sip some water to settle it down, but whatever you do, do not eat or drink anything other than water before your first brush. Why?

Eating softens the enamel! Acidic drinks (coffee, juice, etc) softens the enamel! If you eat/drink and then brush, you are quite literally brushing away your teefie's lil coat of armor!

2. Brush yo damn tongue. I know it sucks. I know you'll gag. It's hell. Do it anyway. I'm suffering with you ✊

3. Don't just go crazy everywhere in there. If you're zigzagging around your mouth like it's Mario kart, you're missing spots. I brush in sections to guarentee coverage. Top right molars - front, bottom, back, back edge. Bottom right molars - front, top, back, back edge. Etc. In total, six sections each brushed exactly the same.

I'm fully aware written down it sounds OCD levels of bullshit, but I promise, it's the same 2-3 minutes spent brushing as usual, just organized and effective rather than pure chaos and a prayer of plaque removal 🥴

Also, don't brush too hard. If your bristles are bent and smooshed, ease up my god you're brushing away the enamel by force 😳

4. After you brush and spit - Do. Not. Rinse.

Don't.

Put the water down.

If at most you have to refresh the tongue from feeling weirdly coated, take a tiny sip of water and gurgle only on the back of the tongue and spit.

I say this because the longer the toothpaste stays on your teeth, the better. You want that flouride and whatnot doing its thing on your enamel and gum line as long as possible, so give it as much time as you can and let your mouth naturally clean it out. It will.

5. Floss after every meal. Every one. It will become a habit and you'll start to hate the feeling of not flossing after. Floss after snacks!!! If it's solid food, floss. Period. Flossers can and will become your best friend because they are so convenient. I love them, I just keep a few in the zipper part of my wallet and whenever I'm out, I can (and do) floss on the go.

Side note, there is a right and wrong way to floss. So, be mindful of that.

6. Other than morning time, brush after meals when you can, HOWEVER!!!! WAIT AT LEAST 20 MINUTES (see part 1.) In those 20 minutes after you finish eating, drink water and thoroughly swish it around your mouth to help dilute the acid sitting on your teeth. Floss during this time as well to get the crud out from between your teeth so it's not just sitting there. If you're out in public or at a job where you can't brush after lunch, brush as soon as you get home. Literally take off your shoes, hang up your coat, kiss your pet (or spouse or... idk houseplant) hello, and then go brush.

8. After your final brushing of the day, eat or drink nothing else but water. Nothing.

Look at me

Nothing else ಠ_ಠ

If you do want to eat or drink again, gonna have to wait 20 min and brush again 🤷‍♀️

So you see, it's less about a schedule and more just working the act of brushing and flossing into your normal eating routine. Make the two synonymous. Make it part of your meal process. Eat. Floss. Rinse with water. Wait, then brush.

Important*****

For those who have days when they cannot mentally or physically make themselves brush, listen to me. I understand. It's ok. Believe me, I do know more than I ever say on here. But don't do nothing. If that is you, keep a small bottle of listerine next to your bed/chair so you can swish and spit. Buy a bag of flossers and keep those near you to at least floss. Buy those little one use brusher sticks/a clean rag and toothpaste and use those. If that's the best you can do, there's no shame in that. I promise your future self will be so, so grateful for these little things, because even a little is better than nothing. And in the end you deserve to have your mouth feel fresh, even when you yourself don't have the spoons to do much else.

#anon #i take teeth hygiene very seriously lol #my mom had so many teeth problems and my aunt spent THOUSANDS on her teeth #i just realized young that I did not want that to be me #and having lived the majority of my life without dental insurance it's always been a very do or die thing #cuz if something goes catastrophically wrong i can't afford to fix it #so maintenance has always been the name of the game for me

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justice4daisyjohnson · 2 years

Text

pretty princess

mom!wanda maximoff x reader

warning: unedited, i wrote this in 20 mins

summary: the one day you come home to a silent house

a/n: it is ridiculous how hard i had to search for a wanda smiling gif

word count: 832

masterlist | taglist | request: open

you didn't have a particular hard day at the avengers tower today, but you were ready to see your wife and little girl, to hug and squeeze them, to cuddle with them and watch a movie, to watch them fall asleep on you.

you had built the life you had dreamed of since you were seventeen.

now, married to the one and only wanda maximoff.

marrying wanda was the best decision you have made. you are the most happy you have ever been. knowing now that you are all okay, married, with a cute little baby girl, would put your seventeen year old mind to ease.

you worked at the avengers tower for years, it's where you met wanda. they all felt like family and respected eachother as family as well.

when you married wanda, you two decided to buy a house in the quiet part of new york. where you could have a yard with one or two dogs, where your kids could run around and lose energy.

you let wanda pick everything, everything was to wanda's liking and you did whatever she asked you to do. you put in a couple of suggestions but for the most part, wanda was in control.

wanda wanted a garden? you would search up the tools for it.

wanda wants an outdoor bath? you would be the first one in home depo the next morning.

wanda wants a open butterfly garden? you were googling which plants attract butterfly's.

wanda hasn't retired yet as a superhero. she was an on call agent, only going in if it was a disaster.

you on the other hand, spent 50% of your days at home while the rest was at work.

for now almost five years, you have been coming home from work to hear little cute giggles and wanda animatedly talking to your baby girl, alora.

today though, you didn't hear much. only aloras favorite cartoon in the living room.

you got concerned as this was a very rare occasion. only happening when either wanda or alora was sick in bed.

"baby? alora? baby, i'm home" you say, dropping your keys and your bag, now going up stairs to see where they are.

the app on your phone says wanda is at the house, but you haven't heard from her yet.

that's when you saw the light of your master bedroom bathroom was on. the door was shut and you heard light talking.

"wands?" you call out, "i'm coming in"

very quickly, the door locked and you couldn't get in.

"uh, i need you to stay out for a couple minutes" wanda says.

"where's alora?"

it was a couple seconds before you heard giggles and wanda shushing, "she's uh- she's with me"

"babe, come on, what's going on"

"nothing! just wait outside"

you try to wait patiently on the edge of your shared bed but with your line of work and the secrecy wanda has right now doesn't mix well in your stomach.

finally, the door cracks just a bit and wanda's head pops out.

"i'm excited to present to you, alora maximoff- y/l/n!"

your little baby, alora, with her pretty pink tutu skirt , no shoes, and a plain white sleeveless shirt.

"mama!" she yells out as she bounces towards you.

you pick her up and place her on your hip.

"how's my little girl do-" you stop yourself when you see the new changes to her hair.

her strawberry blonde hair has now bangs. you remember her asking for bangs for a couple months but she gave up on asking you and has been bothering wanda about it.

you didn't think wanda would actually let alora have bangs but now that she does, you are surprised to say she looks even more adorable than ever.

"what's this?" you say, lighting touching her bangs

"i got bangs, mama! you like?" she says, smiling brightly.

"oh i love them, my little princess!" you say, hugging her tight and giving her kisses all over her face.

when you felt wanda's hand on your waist is when you stopped.

"i did cut myself" wanda mentions as alora tries to catch her breath.

"you did an amazing job, darling" you say, kissing wanda on the lips before you turn back to wanda.

"i was thinking, what if we have pizza today for dinner?" alora starts cheering, you and wanda laugh at her and you place her down carefully so she can run off to the kitchen.

you finally turn to wanda, looking down at your beautiful wife.

"did you really like how it came out?" wanda asks with her sweetest voice.

"yes, darling. she looks adorable" you confirm and she smiles more.

twirling her hair in your fingers a bit before you meet her eyes again and pull her into a kiss.

wanda's arms wrap around your neck and you grab her thighs to place her on the bed before your hands go to hold her waist.

"mama! mommy!"

#marvel #wanda maximoff spoilers #wanda maximoff smut #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff fluff #wanda maximoff fanfiction #college wanda #wanda maximoff #wanda marvel #mom!wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x reader fluff #wanda maximoff x y/n #wanda maximoff x you

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lemonhemlock · 9 months

Text

finally sitting down to write my barbieheimer review and coming out as an oppenheimer hater so DO NOT PROCEED if you are annoyed by criticism of it or do not want to hear it or whatever. seriously. if you liked the movie, good for you. i did not. this is going to be a long rant. i am so not joking right now.

disclaimer that i went to the cinema with the very best of intentions, wanting and fully expecting to like oppenheimer. while that didn't happen, i loved the double feature experience and do not regret it. i spent the entire day at the mall with my boyfriend and we just had a fun, carefree day. i've wanted to see both and had planned to for a long time and it was great. v interesting as a cultural zeitgeist moment.

that being said, the reason oppenheimer leaves me cold is because it is a fundamentally incoherent movie that doesn't know what it's about, tries to do everything all at once and succeeds in nothing. each hour of running time could have easily been a separate movie: one about oppenheimer's life leading to los alamos, another one about the actual creation of the atomic bomb and another one with the robert downey jr plot.

there are huge disadvantages to trying to cram so many different story beats into one singular movie and, if you ask me, i wouldn't advise anyone to do it. but nolan strikes me as the kind of overrated ~artiste that rarely hears no for an answer. this movie was in DIRE need of a streamlining. you can hire the greatest editor in history, but if you give him that script, they're not going to be able to salvage it.

i thought the editing was consistently bad throughout the movie, but especially atrocious in the first part about oppenheimer's early life. the result of this lack of plot focus is that the movie basically consists in a string of tiny scenes that last for seconds sometimes, all meshed together like a freaking montage. now, to each their own, but i cannot emphasize how much i hate this storytelling choice. no, but i genuinely despise it. whenever i see it, in movies or television, it just drives me up the wall. you can say it's a specific pet peeve of mine or whatever, maybe it doesn't bother others as much, but i honestly do not respect it. i think it's categorically lazy, something we've seen in a hundred different movies already and the most simplistic way of doing an exposition dump. i abhor the feeling of watching a mashup passing itself off as some kind of creative experiment in storytelling.

now, had this overused, lackadaisical introduction lasted a reasonable amount of time (maybe 20 min?), perhaps my stance would not have been so riled up. but it went on for AGES. i think the whole exposition part lasted for about an hour and coupled with the hurried procession of unconnected scenes and the asinine marvel movie semi-upbeat background music, the result was just cringe. and i specifically choose this term because this movie is touted as being a milestone moment in cinema or whatever. genuinely insane to me.

cillian murphy meets florence pugh for the first time and within seconds she starts berating him for not joining the communist party. who speaks like that? no natural progression to the conversation at all, we have to get from point A to point B and that's surely more important. you blink again and they're having sex. she stops mid-act because she has the sudden, irrepressible urge to check out his library (??). she makes him recite his famous aphorism from sanskrit while shoving the Bhagavad Gita in his face. the man is craning his neck in the most uncomfortable sex position ever. there is nothing natural about this, just stilted dialogue and an edgy highschooler's interpretation of a cool flirtation. i struggle to even call it that because they don't even get to flirt. too many conversations in this film sound genuinely inorganic.

everything is so rushed. a three-hour long movie should NOT feel rushed. but this is the natural consequence of trying to cram so many things into it: the scenes are too short and, because of that, lack build-up and, because of that, the atmosphere suffers greatly, the actors don't have time to act, the relationships between them feel forced and the overall movie feels like it intentionally won't allow you to linger or catch your breath because then you'll figure out it has nothing to say. there is hardly any physics in it. there is hardly any social or philosophical commentary. the last third of the movie turns into this random whodunit / who-framed-oppenheimer type of scooby doo plot. that scene with rdj unraveling his evil plot to that young man feels lifted out of an agatha christie novel. why would rdj even care about what that green boy thinks of him? well, it's because that lad is the audience stand-in, of course. another stereotypical storytelling trick we've seen a million times before that nolan resorts to in his quest to create a "masterpiece".

there are some VERY talented people in this cast. a genuine tour-de-force when it comes to acting skills, even in cameo roles. yet no chance of showing any of that. they're just reciting lines because there is no time for anything else. there is no time to let their talent and performance shine. yes, not even cillian murphy, the titular character. i know that man can act because i've seen him for over a decade in various productions. not in oppenheimer though. there's no time. it feels like they're trying to read out to me the entire encyclopaedia britannica in 10 minutes.

i struggle to identify the theme or point of the movie. i heard nolan say it's about the consequences of one's actions. bitch, where? i'm not joking right now, there's like maybe 5 minutes of exploring that in a 3h-movie. i need everyone to stop being so unserious for real. i admit that i haven't been actively searching, but i haven't encountered any criticism either. is everyone just pretending to like this movie because they're afraid of being labelled a philistine? is this an emperor's new clothes type of situation? this whole previous discourse about how people will get bored or need to pay attention to what's happening on screen... there is nothing difficult or philosophical about oppenheimer. it's a very straightforward movie.

to me, it feels like nolan took a very interesting topic in and of itself, namely the creation of the atomic bomb, and did nothing interesting with it. he's just serving me facts about oppenheimer* with little to no commentary attached and a tiny amount of artistic interpretation. i say that because it has, like, that one scene when oppenheimer is imagining the flesh melting off of his audience while giving a war propaganda speech, meant to symbolize his conflicting views. the stream-of-consciousness element could have been an interesting lens through which to tell this story, but it was way under-utilized. this project could have slapped actually had it been filmed exclusively through oppenheimer's POV like an A24 horror movie.

*i say facts but in reality i need to actually fact-check to weed out the fictional elements bc i know next to nothing about this man, other than him spearheading the manhattan project

anyway, it's true that i am being harsh with this movie also because of the (undeserved) hype surrounding it and the inevitable ovations attached to any nolan production. but, imo, it is disappointing for a filmmaker of his calibre, with his experience and resources and the goodwill surrounding him to put out such fundamentally lazy nonsense

onto barbie now. first of all, yes, they're like apples and oranges, but one point of comparison is that this is a a very self-aware movie that never loses sight of what it's about and doesn't meander or diverge pointlessly from its main themes and message. after dismantling oppenheimer, i can't claim that barbie is going to revolutionize cinema or destroy the patriarchy or strengthen womanly bonds worldwide, but it's very on point. it's visually stunning, has a lot of easter eggs and cute details, catchy tunes and just general preciousness. everyone playing a doll was actively adorable. the re-watch quality feels promising, it has a very good chance of becoming a cult classic. it was heartwarming and endearing without being too overly sugary & funny without insulting jokes.

the choice to depict men as reductive and an afterthought as counter-point to how women are often portrayed on screen as accessories was indeed interesting. so was the idea of boys and girls diverging once they "discover" patriarchy. now, don't get me wrong, barbie is not a complicated movie either. its feminism is pretty simplistic, no doubt about it, but it doesn't take itself too seriously either. i do wish that america ferrera's mid-movie speech about women's position in society was a little more refined because those ideas were indeed very basic and kind of eye-roll worthy, like a feminism 101 class. i could have done without helen mirren's voice over (it didn't really add a lot, imo, although the joke about margot robbie was funny). the intro spoofing 2001 space odyssey was a little too on-the-nose as well, so i can't say it's not without a couple of hiccups and cringe moments.

nonetheless, barbie is, by no means, a short movie either. clocking in at 114 min, the pendulum swings towards the "long" side of running times. but, as opposed to oppenheimer, it feels neither rushed, nor drawn out. the pacing is just right. the actors in barbie have the space to shine, even those in small roles. the plot has room to breathe. relationships have room to grow. disregarding the subject matter (in an attempt at objectivity, as one might prefer one topic over the other), strictly from the perspective of storytelling techniques, editing, cinematography & character development, barbie is plainly the superior movie.

#phew #glad i got that off my chest #barbieheimer #anti oppenheimer #barbie #it's weird bc while i do not think oppenheimer is a good movie i did have fun experiencing it in the context of a lovely day out #i don't even necessarily think it's /BAD/ per se. but it is boring and lazy. which may be even worse #my favourite nolan movie remains Dunkirk by far #unmatched by any other of his efforts in terms of immersion + score + emotional impact and with some of the most gorgeous cinematography

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noirshitsuji · 8 months

Note

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤️

mmmmmmm. MMMMMM. okay. there might be some recency bias in this, but in no particular order:

liededamp - as much as i meme it up myself i feel like i did manage to have some good character discussions in it and wrestle some real emotion within it as a crackfic, and i think it's resonated with some people a lot actually, which makes me very glad.

tried to touch you but you're cutthroat (stay to see it unfold) - obviously there was going to be a chloe(luka)-centric thing in this list because yes. i'm pretty satisfied with how the theming turned out in this one and my character work on chloe as well.

now this one sits here (whispers things to me) - also obviously there had to be an adrien piece there, and this is?? maybe my most popular one?? even though it's technically love square-focused. i spent like 20 mins trying to pick from the others and couldn't, and i am quite proud of that summary (and the rest of it, but the summary i think i did very effectively) and yes.

did you ever want it? (did you ever fight it?) - one-sided fabian pov fabriz fic. this one also really resonated with people who read it/seemed to leave an impression, and not just bc of the ship but a bunch of other things i put there, and i love fabian and it was so fun exploring the way i see his character and how he'd handle pining for his best friend, and i think i managed to pull off the theming around the five stages of grief reasonably well, so?? i'm happy with it.

saint, bastard, king - grisha fic where it's just. idk man something about the kaz/alina/nikolai (potential) dynamic makes the cogs in my brain turn. the way they're all leaders in their different ways and how they operate in different worlds but then they intersect and it's so??? fascinating to me??? but yeah i worked hard on this trying to figure out how to convey it and i think i managed to quite well??

ok yeah this was very difficult just because i do like?? a lot of my work?? like i always look at it and spot something to edit but overall i enjoy reading it and i'm happy with it and yes. i would've added circumscribe, eight-two-five (my kipps-centric l&co fic) as well bc it's the longest character-study/backstory/one-shot thing i've done and i'm very happy with it, but yes. oh look i did it anyway-

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rogueshadeaux · 3 months

Text

Chapter Thirty-One — Legacy

It didn’t go into the little thing Zeke made to listen to these, not at first at least — it was shoved into some port on his computer as he typed away, looking for something. Analyzing it, I came to realize. When the only thing that popped up on it was ‘AUDIO FILE’ with a jumble of letters and numbers after the fact, he pulled it out of the computer and put it into his invention at a speed that should have broken both.

5k words | 16-20 min read time | TRIGGER WARNINGS: Child death, death, 'hallucinations' in a way, mass death, violence (not visually described).

⚠ AUTHOR'S NOTE: 5k words, and less than half came from my mind. There's someone else who deserves the accolades for this chapter, and it's because she spent 4 hours on mic with me as we wrote this together months ago. Her friendship was the first gift of many I received from being in this fandom, so naturally she had to be the first to feature in Erosion. Thanks @codenamehazard for being the best supporter, helping me lay down the groundwork for Erosion and [you know ;)], and giving me a chance to siphon show your talents in my own fic. Love ya girl!!!

Everyone froze. Even the cicadas outside stopped screaming after Zeke said that. Dr. Sims didn’t look surprised at all — he just moved to look down at the floor. Brent, wide eyed, looked across the room over at me, frozen mid-step.

And Dad? He was glaring. “Yeah, we’re done here.” he said flatly, moving off of the wall to stand. “Brent, Jean — go upstairs and start packing your things—”

“Delsin—” Dr. Sims began before Dad cut him off.

“No, Eugene,” he snapped. “You can’t expect me to believe that shit, c’mon.”

“It’s true—” Zeke began to defend.

“Bullshit!”

Zeke stood so fast that the gaming chair he was sitting in launched back, hitting the desk and rattling the monitors on it. He was gone, storming off into the hallway by the stairwell, towards the room he told us was his and throwing open the door he said we could knock on if we ever needed him.

“I can’t believe you brought me here for information like that,” Dad scoffed, looking at Dr. Sims. “Time travel? Really?”

“Is it that far-fetched when we’re talking about the Beast?” Dr. Sims asked, keeping his composure under Dad’s scrutiny with ease.

“You’re trying to get me to believe time travel exists, Eugene. Do you not hear yourself?” Dad demanded. “I’m trying to help my kid, not play some Back to the Future fantasy—”

“I know it’s a lot to take in—”

“A lot?” Dad demanded, stepping closer to Dr. Sims. “A lot? You’re telling me time travel exists and Kessler didn’t manage to stop the Beast? He still managed to fuck it up?”

Dr. Sims sighed. “If you just let us explain it—”

“No.” Dad cut him off, holding up a hand. He looked furious. “I’m not gonna listen to you tell me fucking lies like this. You didn’t lose anything to the Beast or the plague — I did. I’m not gonna be mocked—”

A loud and harsh bang resounded in the middle of Dad’s argument, making me yelp with a jerk and scaring Brent enough to turn the tips of his hair silver. Zeke stood at the edge of the room, a small metal chest at his feet. For the first time since we got here, he looked angry at Dad, like he was ready for a fight.

Zeke bent down and unlatched the chest, throwing the lid open so hard it bounced off of the frame once. He began digging away in the chest, pulling out things one by one; a yellow and black jacket, a weird backpack with one strap. They all came out and were set down in one fluid, anger-fueled movement as Zeke looked for something. “The last thing Kessler did before he died was give Cole a picture,” Zeke began to explain as he pulled an old leather wallet out of the chest. “You heard the dead drop about Trish — tell me something.”

He stomped up right to Dad, and held out the picture for him to take. “How do I have a photo of them on their wedding day if he never got to propose to her?”

Dad kept his scowl but something in his vision changed as he reached out to take the photograph Zeke held out. Brent moved immediately to look at it from over Dad’s shoulder and it only took a moment till my resolve broke and I stood, moving to Dad’s other side.

It was an old photograph, one of those print out ones you’d get at like, a Walmart photo center. The main focus of the photograph was the bride, who looked straight at the camera with a dazzling smile, veil caught in the light breeze of a spring wind. Cole was there, the actual Cole, features way softer than the ones on his statue as he pressed his forehead to his wife’s temple, looking at her through his lashes. Even Zeke was there in sunglasses and with a smile, face thinner and less wrinkled.

“Cole never even got to propose to Trish,” Zeke insisted. “But Kessler? He had two children with her, and they all died to the Beast.”

Dad took a moment to look up from the picture, eyes meeting Zeke’s. “You’re asking me to trust that Kessler, the man that killed this woman, was in love with her? That he killed his own wife?”

“I didn’t say it made sense, I just said it was true,” Zeke retorted, crossing his arms. “Kessler wanted to make sure Cole would make all the hard choices. He ran when the Beast first showed up in his time. He took away Cole’s ability to be swayed.”

Dad looked back down at the photo. And, slowly, he shook his head. “I don’t believe you,” he said simply, no emotion in his voice.

“Delsin—“ Dr. Sims chimed from the side.

“No, Eugene.” Dad snapped. “There’s no proof besides this picture. How am I supposed to trust this when the man that could confirm it is dead?” Dad breathed deeply like he was trying to keep from spewing a slew of curse words. “I’m here just for the First Sons’ base location. That’s it. I don’t need to hear about this stupid little fairytale — just where this base is. If it wasn’t for her?” He said, jabbing a thumb my way. “I would have already left.”

Dad’s expression looked like it wasn’t up for any sort of debate or conversation, which no one dared to attempt. Zeke sort of scoffed and snatched the old dog-eared photograph from Dad before turning back to the chest full of Cole’s things, yanking up the partially folded jacket off of the ground to throw back in with the rest.

And in the awkward silence of it all, there was the softest little clatter as a small chip came flying away from the jacket and skittered across the floor to my feet.

I stepped back once, bending down to pick up the chip. There was miniscule writing on it in a silvery sort of ink and a chicken scratch that looked like it was due more to shaky hands than anything else: for Zeke.

“Uh, here,” I said, holding it out for him to take.

He just stayed staring at my outstretched hand like it was poisonous, mouth opening and closing like a fish with nothing coming out of it. Not until he seemed to choke on air in an effort to speak. “That shouldn’t be there,” he muttered.

“What?”

That chip was out of my hand in an instant and Zeke was flying across the room, nearly tripping over his gaming chair in an effort to get into it. “How did I never fucking look in the pockets?” he chastised the air, growling.

Dad glanced over at me before looking at the back of Zeke’s head. “I uh…what is it?”

“I don’t know,” Zeke responded. “I don’t know,”

The chip reader crackled as it struggled to read the piece, making a couple clicking noises like it was stuttering before it came to life. There was a bit of shuffling on the line, and a grunt as someone moved with the noise before humming. “Alright.” the voice mumbled to itself. It had a natural rasp that was strained, like he was sick or had a stuffy nose. There was an airiness that gave to a wheeze, like he had spent the last day and a half either crying or smoking a carton of cigarettes. He just seemed so tired. He cleared his throat harshly once, and then started talking. “Audio log, date—” he started before cutting off. There was a pause before he mumbled, “What was today?” to himself, counting off in mutterings before scoffing and saying, “Fuck it.”

Zeke’s hand shot over his mouth, and he paled. “Holy shit,” he whispered.

Professionalism abandoned, the man sighed, taking a moment to gather himself. “Zeke, if you’re listening to this, I’m…I’m already dead. There’s no other way to say it — I’m dead.” Even now, so many years in the future and a good seven feet away, I could hear him swallow thickly, like he wasn’t even really ready to digest the fact himself. “There’s been a lot I’ve wanted to say to you. A lot I’ve been…holding back, but I just never could say, ‘cause how would I? I know we’ve seen insane but the shit that’s been going on with me? It’s just — would you even believe me?”

“I would’ve, Cole” Zeke muttered in the silence.

Cole. Cole MacGrath. My eyes widened so large they felt like they were gonna pop out of my head as I looked at Dad, who’s brow was furrowed as he looked at the little speaker.

“You remember the dreams I talked about, back in Empire?” Cole asked, like Zeke could respond to him then or now. “They never stopped. If anything…they got worse. I started to see—” his voice cracked and he stopped short before continuing, “I started to see…in my dreams, what life could have been. I saw Trish. I saw my daughters.” He huffed, sniffing hard, like he was trying to decide whether to cry or celebrate. “Twins, can you believe it? Beautiful girls. I saw it all — how we struggled to even have them and the day they were born. Amaris and Elena…my sun and moon. We fought to conceive and then they were premature and there was…for a while, we thought we were going to lose them. I’d let them hold my finger sometimes and just whisper to them to keep fighting because I didn’t want them to be alone. I could feel their weight when I was allowed to hold them for the first time. They were so small. Weighed practically nothing. But holding them, something Trish and I got to make? It felt like I was holding the world. I would’ve done anything for them. Protect them, take care of them, love them — I would’ve been the father I never got. I got to see them grow up, too. Amaris was a wild free-spirit that we could barely contain, and Elena…she was so gentle. I loved them both so much, Zeke, and I’ll never even get to have them now. I would’ve done anything for them…”

Dad shifted on my left and I looked at him in time to see him bring a hand to his chin to rub it, eyes wet. Brent was staring at some fixed spot in the wall across from him, face steeled in all ways but actually.

Cole exhaled shakily, hard enough for the mic on the recorder to cackle with static. “But there was more, so much more. I saw the chaos, the destruction, everything Kessler showed me and then some. Saw a world turned upside down, an apocalyptic wasteland where everyone and everything was insane. I saw complete and utter annihilation. I saw a world that no matter what I did, it didn’t matter. That one scares me the most — to do everything right and it didn’t fucking matter.” he growled that last word.

“And the part that scares me the most is that these do not feel like dreams. These do not feel like nightmares. They feel too real.” He insisted. “They feel like — god, as insane as it sounds, they feel like visions.”

That dam that was holding back his emotion cracked, and he gasped. “I’m becoming like Kessler,” he realized in a haunted whisper. “I’m becoming like Kessler, I’m…”

Zeke’s head fell into his hands as Cole’s voice broke and he began to gasp for air, choking back sobs. My cast was pressed so hard to my mouth that I could practically feel its design imprinting on my skin as I tried to keep quiet. He sounded so broken, so scared. This Kessler guy was enough to scare the man that took on the Beast. He was on the brink of hysterics.

He paused for a moment to inhale shakily. “Still, I can’t get that thought outta my head, that one nightmare — that one vision. That I could do everything right and it doesn’t fucking matter. That nobody will see me except for the Demon of Empire City. The power–fueled terrorist that started the plague and destroyed Empire City.”

Brent shook his head and cracked, beginning to pace back and forth in front of Dad and I. Dad’s head was hung low, hands on his hips and his face obscured by his hair. I couldn’t even move from where I was. There wasn’t enough power in the world that could get me to summon my feet to step, not when my legs felt like lead.

“That Conduits could never be seen as anything other than monsters and tools. That I could give everything to save everyone, do everything right, be the hero that everyone wants, that that man groomed me to be…and it doesn’t fucking matter.” Cole continued. “That all of this, all of this pain, all of this suffering, all of this loss — your betrayal, Trish’s death, the loss of what could have been — meant fuckall!

“And none of this matters. None of it matters.” Cole blubbered. “Don’t matter what I do, I fail. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try…I fail. I fail you, I fail Trish, I fail my daughters. No matter what I do, I’m a failure…just like Kessler. God…no matter what I do, I fail. I’ve become just like Kessler. A failure.” Cole’s voice got louder the further he rambled until it cracked with his held back screams — and a zap. “A fucking failure!” He bellowed, voice cracking. There’s a crash, and more follow, the static on the recorder more electrical than noise as Cole rampaged.

His voice would wail over the sound of destruction, nonsensical rambling that would occasionally be something we could hear. “"They were twins, twins! My little girls, my sun and moon. I failed them! I failed them all!" He screamed at some point, Zeke’s shoulders beginning to shake with silent sobs as he said that. “I‘m going to fucking become him! A failure!” He screams again. “"I killed them! I killed them! My wife, my daughters! They're dead, I killed them!” There was another hard crash, like a pile of something metal collapsed under his rage. “The blood on his hands stain mine! They’re dead because of me! They’re dead because I was a fucking coward the first time and a murderer the second! We’re the same fucking person! They’re dead because of me!”

There was more crashing, more loud screaming that devolved into something incoherent. I wasn’t even sure Cole was trying to talk anymore — he was just angry. But I have never, never heard wailing like that from someone before, a desperate and painstricken sound that vibrated my core. It was enough to actually make my heart hurt, to make me choke back my own sobs. My little whimper as I held back my tears caught Brent’s attention as he passed in front of me. Brent himself has splotches of red across his face from holding back his own sobs, and both of our eyes were glistening when they met. He moved to stand beside me instead of pace and threw an arm over my shoulder, letting me tuck into his side and use his chest to hide the noise of my crying.

And then everything on the recording stopped. Everything except for Cole’s quiet crying. There’s shuffling as the recorder is readjusted and he sniffs hard, coughing to clear his throat. “I want to be wrong.” He murmurs, exhausted. “I hope to god I’m wrong. I…I don’t want you to live in a world like that, Zeke.” Zeke himself began sobbing quietly. “I…I just, I’ve been holding all this back because I didn’t wanna worry you. You’ve got enough problems, you’re dying yourself. You’re suffering from the Plague, I didn’t need you to worry about me. It was my burden to bear. And don’t lie. You would’ve.” He huffs a chuckle, as if he could already hear how Zeke was muttering that he should have told him anyways.

“I want you to be happy.” Cole says simply. “And I’ll still try to do everything right, in the hopes that I’m wrong. I want to be wrong so fucking bad. So that you can live in a world where Conduits aren’t seen as things to be used or monsters to be scared of. So that Conduits can be seen as you see me — just another person. Someone…with fears and hopes and lives and families. Just another person.

“I’m so fucking scared. I don't wanna die.” Cole MacGrath, the Cole MacGrath, said with this haunted tone like the severity of the situation was only just beginning to settle in his chest. “It seems like fate’s got it out for us, huh? Maybe it doesn’t even matter then, if I even do the right thing. That blast core from the Vermaak makes seven, and I’m ready for the RFI. We’ve just gotta charge it some more…but I don’t even know if this whole thing will work — it’s a huge gamble. What if the RFI doesn’t wipe out the Plague? What if it just kills Conduits, kills the Beast, and leaves you all to die slowly? God...so many people are going to die either way, but what if we're wrong? What if everyone dies?”

Cole paused, breathing shakily. “So much goddamn blood on my hands…everyone’s. It doesn’t matter if I did it as Cole, or as Kessler — this is all my fault. Everything lies in this gamble, Zeke. This is more than just coming out short on a slot machine — this could be the end of it all. We could be wrong. The RFI could fail, and all that happens is I kill all of humanity.”

“But…” Cole drew off, another popping sound interfering with the mic. ”I’m willing to take that risk, just for that slight chance that I’m wrong.” His voice is more resolved, even if it still sounded weak. “That this works, and it heals you and gets rid of the Beast. So that you can live and be happy…and so you can live in a world where things are a little more peaceful. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way — you can’t always have what you want. Isn’t that right? But I’ve literally lost everything…except for you, Zeke. You’re all I have left. The only family Kessler allowed me to keep. I don’t have Trish. I’ll never get to know my baby girls. So I’ll do it for you.”

Cole’s voice cracked again on you, and it was almost like I could envision him running his hands over his face to calm himself down. “You’re off with Laroche right now doing God knows what to charge the RFI. I don’t know where Nix is, and Kuo…I don’t even want to think about her. We never got to talk after I tested the RFI. I know as soon as that thing’s charged, if I don’t set it off then…then I never will. So…I guess this is goodbye.” he said so casually, so resigned. Like in that small amount of time, he accepted that this was it. “Sorry it can’t be in person, but there’s not enough time for formalities. We were never the type to give a shit about them anyways.” Cole gasped quietly, trying to hold back another wave of emotion. “I love you brother,” he said, voice quivering. “And I’m…I’m sure gonna miss you,”

Cole almost immediately began quietly sobbing by the end of his farewell, the sound echoing through the silent stilt house as the recording stopped. Zeke’s whole body shook as he was wracked with quiet sobs, Brent’s arm was heavy around me and I just knew it was because we were feeling the weight of all of this on both of our shoulders.

Cole was…scared, by the end. Barely able to deal with the fact that he needed to die, and that he was taking out so many people with him. That recording was the final plea of a man wanting nothing more than to be wrong, and I wasn’t even sure if he got what he wanted. I couldn’t reliably decide, at least, by the time I calmed myself down.

Dad breathed deeply and raised his head, arms crossed over his chest. He had that stoic look he reserved for interrogations, but it didn’t hide how red his eyes were. “You weren’t lying.” He said simply, looking at Zeke’s back. “I’m sorry.”

Zeke’s head slowly raised. “Kessler was a desperate sonofabitch, who was willing to do anything to stop the Beast. And that included hurting himself.”

“We don’t know how he did it.” Dr. Sims said from the side. He himself had a rogue tear on his cheek that he hastily swiped away. “We just know it’s true.”

Dad rubbed the growing scruff on his face and sighed. “We can ask more questions later.” he decided, looking at Zeke. The man was still hunched into himself, refusing to look at us; Dad probably thought now was a terrible time to ask some clarifying questions. “But I still think our best option is to find the First Sons’ old base.”

Dr. Sims pushed off of the wall and walked over to where Zeke was, gently putting a hand on his shoulder. “I can go through the rest of the dead drops,” he offered Zeke quietly. “Why don’t you go take a moment?”

Zeke nodded, struggling to find the will to stand. He pulled the chip out of the reader and held it like it was gold, gently putting it back into the pocket of that yellow and black jacket before closing the chest and lifting it, refusing to look at anyone. His echoing footsteps resounded the first floor until his bedroom door closed, leaving us all in the remnants of what was his past.

“Holy shit, Eugene,” Dad breathed, looking over at his friend, eyes wide. “Time travel. Time travel.”

“I know,” Dr. Sims breathed. “I still wonder how he did it. It keeps me up at night.”

“So this Kessler asshole has been a part of it from the beginning and the end.” Dad shook his head. “Jesus…”

Brent’s arm withdrew from my shoulder and he let me move away to sit on the couch, shaking his head slowly. “It still doesn’t make sense,” he mutters. “Why kill his wife instead of keeping her safe? Why keep Zeke alive?”

I drew my knees into my chest the moment I sat down, trying to breathe deeply. I wasn’t even sure how to process this. Time travel! There’s ways to time travel, and Kessler learned to do it to try and stop the Beast.

That thought made me stop. “Dad?” I asked, lifting my head from my knees.

Dad paused his chatting with Dr. Sims to look over. “What’s up, Jeanie?”

“Kessler came back to stop the Beast, right?” I began, “And he was from the future so he…he probably knew who it was. But…John worked with Kessler. John even said in one of the dead drops he was promoted to work directly with him. Why not stop him when he had the chance? Before he became the Beast?”

“He said that?” Dr. Sims asked as Dad’s mouth froze mid response, the weight of the question hanging in the air.

Brent held up a hand as if to correct me. “He said something about Kessler knowing he had an important destiny, remember?” He asked, looking between Dad and I. “If he knew John was the Beast and wanted to stop him, why not just kill him before all of that happened?”

Something wasn’t adding up and we were all beginning to realize it, especially as Dad and Dr. Sims glanced at each other uncomfortably. “That…doesn’t matter,” Dad finally decided. “Not anymore. They’re all dead, there’s no one to ask. All we need to worry about right now is finding this place the ice soldiers were made to see if there’s any sort of connection to Archangel.”

Dad walked over to Dr. Sims’ side as he sat in the gaming chair, leaving Brent and I to share a look, the type that said no matter what was going on, we didn’t believe it. Kessler came back in time in search of a way to stop the Beast, and all he did was ruin lives — including his own. He murdered who was supposed to be his wife, gave his own past self trauma, and yet didn’t even try to stop the man beside him that was the actual Beast?

It didn’t make sense, and I wasn’t sure if there was any explanation that would make it make sense.

Dad and Dr. Sims went through the remaining dead drop chips that would load, painting the rest of the confusing picture on what happened here, at least; Bertrand being angry about whatever sort of Conduit he was, believing God wanted him to be more. There was another Conduit that roamed the swamps and attacked Bertrand’s men — a service more than an issue, in my opinion — and Dr. Wolfe and Kuo decided along with John that Cole was who they needed to fight the Beast.

A suggestion made by John White himself, which left us with even more questions than answers.

But finally, finally, the answer came to us in a talk between Wolfe and Bertrand, “File A435,” he clarified in his accent.

“That new facility you folks are building below the Carriage House, it’s….overwhelming,” he purred, like the sight of it did something to him sexually. I nearly gagged at his voice. “Hats off to you, Doctor.”

Wolfe had the nerve to sound proud. “Our technology is a hundred years ahead of the rest of the world.”

“Don’t be so modest,” Bertrand said. I swear, his accent sounded sloppier coming out of his mouth because of how hard it was watering. “When I joined the First Sons, they told me that they had technology a hundred years ahead. Now? That sounds conservative! When I saw that place I thought I’d been abducted by a UFO!”

Brent snorted slightly on the side and nearly managed to make me laugh; the man sounded ridiculous.

“Sorry for the confusion,” Wolfe murmured, that making me giggle a bit. Dad shot a look at both of us and sharply hushed us, making me bite down on my lips to try and stifle the sound.

“They were just caves before,” Bertrand reminisced. “I knew them well. Played in them as a child. They were a part of the underground railroad, smuggling escaped slaves outta town. Then it was prohibition and whiskey instead of slaves. Now! Now, we’re smuggling in the future.”

The dead drop beeped twice, signaling its end. “Carriage House,” Dad said, looking at Dr. Sims. “That’s where we need to go. Where is that?”

Dr. Sims moved to use Zeke’s computer, typing away. “I’m not…not sure,” he muttered. Playing with the mouse and keyboard wasn’t enough, apparently, as he raised his hand to the screen and touched it, both turning bright blue. Bursts of binary littered the computer’s screen as he used his powers to search for an answer.

“Man, I wish my power was that cool,” Brent muttered, glancing at me. I couldn’t help but agree.

Dr. Sims growled. “Damnit. Turns out Carriage House isn’t a place, but a building almost every plantation had.” He removed his hand, the screen regaining color — and showing a map of New Marais. “Our best bet would be to go to the Ascension Parish and look around the plantations, see if we get lucky.” Dr. Sims pointed to a section on the map.

Dad rubbed his face, looking absolutely exhausted at the idea. “Okay. Alright, then we should go. The sooner the better, especially since that’s on the other side of New Marais.”

“I’m coming with you.”

We all turned towards the hall, where Zeke was standing hidden in the shadows. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed and looking down at the floor. Or, he was, until Dad spoke up, saying, “I don’t think that’s a good idea—“

“Cole did everything he could for shit like this to not happen,” Zeke said, pushing off of the wall and stepping into the room. “He fought for a peace we ain’t getting. If I can make a bit of that happen? If I can stop some assholes the First Sons mighta helped make? Then I’m doing it. Besides, I haven’t been to the Parish in years — maybe being out there will jog my memory on where this carriage house could be,”

Dad turned his back to Zeke to look at Dr. Sims, his face practically screaming at his friend to tell Zeke to stay here. “We could use the help,” Dr. Sims says, more pointedly at Dad than to Zeke’s offer.

Zeke smiled, hiding his eyes behind a pair of sunglasses. “Guess this is a good time to tell y’all I’ve got a ride too, huh?”

Want more from Xeno? Check out her Evil!Cole Apocalypse AU, inFAMOUS: No Man's Land:

Two years has passed since Cole made the choice that decided the fate of Humans and Conduits alike. Two years since becoming the Beast and saving Conduit-Kind by awakening them. After having the burden of being the "messiah" thrust upon him and dealing with the hardships that came with it, Cole finally has enough. He breaks away from the army he reared and takes off into the Wildlands of the Great Plains, where new opportunities await for the Demon of Empire City to claim.

Not only is Xeno’s story an original twist on a classic AU, but her character voice over Cole MacGrath is so good you’ll feel like you’re listening to Eric Ladin read it to you himself. She did all Cole pieces in this chapter! I cannot suggest it enough if you’re an inFAMOUS 1+2 fan, and hey, even if you’re new here — give it a shot. Who doesn’t love conduits, Mad Max style car chases, and the sort of bogeymen Bertrand would be terrified of?

(Tell Coyote and Crow that Rogue sent you)

#infamous erosion #infamous second son #infamous #infamous 2 #cole macgrath #xeno writes!!!#Zeke Dunbar #Eugene Sims #Delsin Rowe #seriously she did this on mic as a MONOLOGUE do y'all know how hard she made me cry??? this isn't me writing in shit she wrote #she ACTED OUT THE DEAD DROP for me to write accurately and 1. holy shit she can act emotion so well. hidden VA over here 2. I sobbed.#Jean ain't crying bitch that's me.#fanfic #Sucker Punch Productions

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megumi-fm · 9 months

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7/100 days of productivity megumi joins a book club <3

I didn't follow my existing "productivity schedule" today either. Instead I took a step and put myself into yet another new and unfamiliar situation xD

There is a book club that meets up every last Sunday of the month and today was the first time I attended. I'd been interested to join for a really long time now but the idea of interacting with people was really really daunting; this time I decided to give it a go anyway. And I'm so happy I did because I had the best time ever. Everyone was really nice and friendly and we spent over three hours sitting in a circle at the park and talking about books and writing and literature and several other things. I made many friends and a few of us went to a bookstore together right after the event where we recommended each other some books and got ourselves a couple books as well. It was incredible and I just. yeah.

Checklist

🌱 3 hours of sunlight 👟 20 min of walking 🇩🇪 20 min of German on Duolingo

Other little things

sketched out a proper plan for upcoming GRE prep

#its past 12 am actually so its already day8 #but today was awesome #100dop #100 days of productivity #100 dop #100 days challenge #studyblr #study blog #langblr #bookblr #digital journaling #accountability #motivation #2023dop

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jomiddlemarch · 6 months

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Reality has no place in our world

“Mom, stop. You can’t do this,” Rory said. She didn’t fold her arms in front of her chest or glare, two gestures Lorelai herself might have chosen to accompany giving an order, but then Rory was a better person that Lorelai would ever be and also, not nearly as accomplished at glaring; unlike Lorelai, she hadn’t spent the formative years of her facial expression life under the tutelage of Emily Gilmore and neither Luke nor Michel every gave Rory a hard time.

Rory didn’t look angry or exasperated or impatient. She looked a little frustrated, a little tired, and mostly, disappointed. Christ, it was so early, the sky still the dull dark of the moonless hour before dawn, and she’d already made Rory give her that look, the one that wasn’t a glare, and speak in that tone.

“Do what? The cha-cha?” Lorelai shuffled a bit, shimmying a lot more. “Wake up before my alarm—check. Face the future without fear? On it—”

“You can’t leave Max. You can’t run away the day before your wedding,” Rory said. “You can’t do that to him.”

“No?” Lorelai said, as if she was going to add Try me or watch me or you’re not the boss of me, when it came out sounding like a real question and she was open to alternate suggestions, which as she said it she realized was, in fact, the truth.

“No. You can’t. Whatever’s going on inside your head, you can’t be that mean to him, to just leave. You can’t be cruel because you’re freaking out,” Rory said. “You’re freaking out, right?”

“So, I’m mean and cruel? Did you forget nasty?” Lorelai said, crossing her own arms in front of her. Someone ought to and it didn’t seem like Rory was going to. She carefully avoided answering the freak-out question, though it didn’t take a world-class genius to raise the hypothesis.

“I didn’t say any of that and you know it. This isn’t some cute rom-com, where you can ditch the guy at the altar and then there’s some montage of a roadtrip or a bunch of zany, over-caffeinated high-jinks,” Rory said.

“That sounds better than this,” Lorelai said. “A lot better. What’s the soundtrack?”

“It’s not. It’s not real,” Rory replied, ignoring her attempt at deflection. “You have to call Max. You have to talk to him, before you decide to do whatever you decide to do.”

“I do?” They both heard the reference to wedding vows and Lorelai raised an eyebrow. Rory frowned.

“Don’t make this weirder, Mom. Call Max. I’ll get the phone,” Rory said.

“Okay. Fine. You’re obviously not going to let this go,” Lorelai said. Was she a little relieved that Rory had called out her imminent scarpering? Around 23% seemed fair.

“I’m not,” Rory agreed. “You’ll thank me for it.”

“Don’t press your luck, kiddo—"

She called.

Max answered on the second ring, his voice the kind of growly that meant she’d woken him, which wasn’t a huge surprise because it was still hovering around 5 am. They didn’t talk for long. She asked him to come over and he said he’d be there in 20 min without asking any questions why, which was big of him given the time and date and she knew she herself would have expected some kind of explanation and probably would have taken more like 40 min to get to his apartment, because she damn well would have made a travel-mug of coffee even if she was heading over in yesterday’s jeans and the first tee-shirt she could put her hands on.

With only 20 min, she made a pot of coffee and put on fresh jeans. She didn’t change her tee-shirt. The coffee had been Rory’s idea. Lorelai recognized Rory was looking for other ways to keep her from bolting besides guilt and that coffee, naturally, was the best available approach. Lorelai sat at the kitchen table and waited for Max, letting Rory be the one to open the front door and then take herself off to Babette’s, since it was too early for anywhere else to be open.

“What’s wrong?” Max said, sitting across from her, a mug of coffee in front of him, untouched. Lorelai herself was also untouched, Max forgoing a hug or a kiss or even his hand on her shoulder or pushing back the loose hair by her cheek. She couldn’t be bitter about it, but she was, a little, even though she knew she was being unreasonable.

“Why do you think something’s wrong?” she countered, as if this would be some kind of ordinary sparring, like whether Al’s food could ever truly be called Chinese or if Brandy was a good name for a dog.

“Why do I—it’s 5:23, you called and asked me to come right over. There’s no good news you deliver that way,” he said, pretty calmly given that he could well be deeply frustrated, annoyed or outright enraged at her dancing around. He hadn’t even gotten to see her cha-cha.

“Maybe I do, maybe that’s something you don’t know about me—”

“Lora, enough,” he interrupted and she couldn’t have said whether it was hearing the nickname only he ever used or the brevity, just two words, or the tenderness in his voice, in his tired, dark eyes, but something in her broke.

“I don’t think I can marry you,” she said.

“Okay,” he said. “Why couldn’t you wait to tell me?”

“Okay? Okay?!” she repeated, screeching if she were being honest with herself, which is what this whole thing has been supposed to be about.

“I didn’t mean I was happy to hear you say it. It was an acknowledgement, nor approval. Why couldn’t you wait until actual morning?” he said.

“I wasn’t planning this.” She took a sip of her coffee. It wasn’t as good as Luke’s but that was nothing new.

“You weren’t planning this—” he paused, looking at her with a degree of acuity that made her want to flee. Or squirm. She gripped the handle of the mug and hoped it wouldn’t break off in her hand. They sat there for like forever or 47 seconds, she couldn’t be sure. “This wasn’t your idea. This was Rory’s idea, us talking, she’s the only person you’d do this for—”

“I’d do it for you—”

“No, you wouldn’t,” he said. “You were going to leave. You were going to leave me a day before the wedding.”

Well, she’d known he was intelligent and good at reading her and quick, so fucking quick, that was why she’d fallen in love with him—

“Were you going to write a note? Call?” he asked. Lorelai sat, feeling lumpish and pathetic and all betrayal-y, and didn’t say a word. Max closed his eyes for a moment and let out a breath. “You weren’t going to do anything. You were going to run away and someone else was going to have to tell me. To deal with everything.”

“Sookie would’ve called you,” Lorelai said. She tried not to mumble, though she really felt like mumbling, more than she’d ever want to mumble in her whole life.

“You’d have called her from wherever you went,” Max said. “She’s making the wedding cake.”

“Five tiers,” Lorelai said. “All buttercream frosting. She has a thing against fondant.”

“It tastes like shit,” he said. It was quiet between them, so quiet a bird could have twittered or sung its cute little morning song so they could share a smile or the eye-part that went with a smile without actually moving their lips, but it was quiet and she wondered if Max would get up and walk out.

“What’s wrong, Lora?” he said softly, which was a far cry from stomping out or shouting or making a snide, sarcastic remark about her, which were all the responses she would have expected from the other men in her life, Luke, her father, and Christopher respectively, and for the first time, she felt her eyes fill with tears.

“I don’t think I can do it. I’m not—you won’t want, I, I didn’t look at my dress every night,” she said in a rush.

“Is that a thing? Looking at your dress every night?” he said.

“My mother says it is.”

“But you think she’s wrong about almost everything,” he said. He made a good point.

“She said she wanted to, that’s how she knew she wanted to get married,” Lorelai said.

“Maybe that’s not how you’d know,” Max said. “In fact, I would bet good money that it’s not how you’d know, because I know you like your dress but it’s not even a distant second to coffee in your regard.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Lorelai said.

“Have you ever thought you don’t have to? That we don’t care about each other because it’s something we deserve, but because I want you and you want me?” he said.

“You don’t want me,” she said, before she could think twice, could stop herself or figure out something that would come after, some explanation about how there was a much better woman out there for him and he shouldn’t get derailed by her. She didn’t want to be his trainwreck.

“Don’t tell me what I want,” he snapped, then rubbed his face with his hand. “I’m sorry, this is hard. But I know what you expect. You expect me to walk out, plus or minus lashing out at you first.”

“What—”

“It’s what Christopher does. He leaves. It’s what Luke does. He walks away, he shuts down. It’s what you father does. He scolds you and he stalks out,” Max said. “Lora, I’m not going to do that.”

“But why?” she said. “Why not?”

“Because I love you. Because if loving you, I need to leave you, I’m not leaving like that,” he said.

“I was going to,” she said, almost under her breath.

“I know. But you listened to Rory and she wouldn’t let you,” he said and then he scrunched up his forehead in a way that was unfairly adorable. “She’s very insightful. And not here—is she next door at Babette’s?”

Lorelai could count on one hand the number of times Christopher had ever expressed concern about where Rory was, who was looking after her, or uttered a smidgen of praise that wasn’t of the generic “so pretty so smart” variety.

“Yeah, she’s next door,” Lorelai said. “I still don’t think we should get married.”

“I know about Luke,” Max said. Lorelai suddenly understood the expression knocked over with a feather, though she didn’t know who was keeping feathers around for such a purpose. She felt herself goggle at Max and knew it was not her most attractive look, but needs must.

“What do you mean, you know about Luke?”

“He hand-carved a chuppah for you to get married beneath. I can recognize when someone else cares about you. You never asked, but he must have,” Max said.

“Must have asked what?”

“He knows you’re not Jewish. He found out I am and he built a chuppah for you,” he said. “It sure as hell wasn’t for me.”

“You’re Jewish?”

“Yeah,” he said. “My mother’s side. The side that counts. She was a Cohen before she married my father.”

“I had no idea—”

“I didn’t fall in love with you for your astonishing attention to detail and detective skills,” Max said. “I’m in love with you and I know Luke loves you and you love him, but are you going to throw away what we have when I’m not asking you to give him up?”

“What are you saying, Max?” Lorelai shook her head. “Despite what my mother thinks of me, I’m not…kinky.”

“Wow, that is a whole other conversation,” he said, laughing, which was not something she’d had on her bingo card for the discussion about breaking an engagement at the last minute. “I meant, you don’t have to stop caring about Luke, I don’t expect that. I don’t expect him to stop loving you—if there’s anything I can understand, it’s loving you. But not as a husband. Not as Rory’s stepfather—I want that and he doesn’t—”

“How do you know he doesn’t?” Lorelai said. It was the second time this night-into-morning that she’d said something that was intended as a challenge and realized she’d just asked a question of someone she trusted more than herself.

“Because you’ve lived here for over ten years and he’s never said anything, for all the breakfast, lunches and dinners he’s made for you. He’s never asked you out on a date or stayed for pizza or Al’s. He’s never been the one who ran out to the pharmacy to get Tylenol when Rory spiked a fever or needed posterboard for a school project at the last minute,” Max said.

“Rory has never needed a school supply at the last minute,” Lorelai said.

“He’s never made the cupcakes for the bake sale. Sookie did that and she still does,” Max said. He pushed his coffee mug away and left his right hand palm up on the table top. She’d held that hand, felt it cupped around her cheek, pressed against the small of her back and the curve of her ass. It was unclear whether she’d ever touch him again and she wished she could read the future in the creases and lines being picked out by the early morning sunlight.

“Look, I’m not telling you you have to marry me and it’s not a contest and it’s not a guilt-trip. I’m only saying that I love you and I think you love me and what you’re worried about, about needing to choose, about not caring in the right way, the right amount, I think it’s bullshit. It’s partly your mother’s fucking bullshit and some of it is societal expectations and some is your own stuff going back to Christopher and the teenage rebellion that turned into being a teen mom. I want you to be happy, to do what makes you happy, but I want you to know where I stand. What I can live with. You’ll never stop loving Luke and Christopher will always be Rory’s father and I am okay with that, with all of that. Because I fucking love you, Lora.”

“I love you too,” she said. “But maybe, I don’t know if it’s the right way—”

“When has doing anything the right way ever mattered to you?” he replied and she had to laugh because it was true and because he understood her enough to know it and say it.

“I’m not sure it’s enough,” she said.

“What is enough? Is a thousand yellow daisies enough? Is agreeing to call me at 4:53 enough?” he pushed. “This isn’t a rom-com, it’s real life. And we’re not both sixteen, we’re adults. Let me ask you, why did you call me today? I know if was Rory’s idea but you did it, you could have refused, you could be driving to God knows where right now—”

“I wanted to,” she said. “I wanted to hear your voice. I didn’t call because I felt like I owed it to you. I’m not that good a person.”

“I want to talk to you first thing in the morning,” Max said. “I don’t ever want it to be too early.”

“What about too late?” Lorelai said. She’d done a fair job of royally fucking things up for all his protestations to the contrary. The caffeine and sun might be hitting him, he might think twice about sticking around.

“No such thing,” he said. He didn’t move, so she let go of her coffee and put her hand in his. “But maybe you want a new dress?”

“I can’t get a new dress the day before the wedding, Max,” she said, already thinking of that sweet little number she’d seen in a consignment store window in Hartford, all nipped in waist and Givenchy New Look attitude and the look Max would give her if she were walking toward him in it. She thought of Max watching her come closer and Luke watching her walk away until she was in the shadow of the chuppah he’d built. She thought it was impossible and that she’d heard worse ideas and not just from Kirk on any topic.

“Says who?”

She wore the new, second-hand dress.

Max stomped a glass wrapped in a cloth napkin in lieu of a rabbi.

She didn’t take his name. In the receiving line, Luke kissed her cheek and called her Lorelai. Cutting Sookie’s masterpiece (Every tier a different flavor! Homemade quince preserves! Candied white violets!), she didn’t notice the weight of her wedding ring, but she couldn’t look away from the gold band on Max’s hand.

When she woke in the night from a dream full of dread, regret, the terrible mixture of mistake and failure, that hand lay gently on her hip and when she grew too tense, he murmured what’s wrong, Lora and then she could go back to sleep.

#gilmore girls #gilmore girls AU fic #lorelai gilmore/max medina #romance #angst #rory to the rescue #sookie st james #christopher hayden #luke danes #early morning conversations #there is coffee of course #domestic #fix-it fic #wedding dresses #max lays it on the line

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