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Always There - Chapter One: S.Snape
Summary: Y/N Potter was left with a baby to care for after her brother and sister-in-law were murdered by Voldemort. One person was there for her, a person she didn’t expect but soon became her comfort person, Severus Snape. During Harry’s third year at Hogwarts and her third year as Herbology professor, a few old friends come around again. Y/N has to handle the feelings of these old friends being around again as well as handle her feelings for a certain potions master all while she tries to hide these things from her godson.
Series Masterlist
My full Masterlist
Pairings: Severus Snape x Female Professor Reader, Potter!Reader x friend!Remus
Chapter Warnings: Female Reader, Potter Reader(No physical description of reader) probably shitty writing, Harry growing up in a loving home, mentions of death and murder, mentions of Azkaban, shittyly written angst,
Series Warnings: Female Reader, Potter Reader (No physical description of reader) probably shitty writing, OOC Snape, Harry grows up in a loving environment, mentions of death and murder, poorly written angst, Remus is a shitty friend, poorly written pining,
Please let me know how I can improve my writing and being more inclusive to POC as I am whiter than white. Please also let me know if I have to add more to the warnings! My messages are open as well as my asks!
Author's Note: It's been a long ass time my friends, but I'm trying to make a come back here. I was a bit out of my comfort zone with this one so I hope you enjoy it. Please let me know how I can improve or if you find any errors! Correct me, don't be afraid to! I want to improve my writing and become a better writer so any feedback or advise is welcomed!
Word Count: 1146
My asks are open for questions, suggestions and feedback!
Feedback is welcomed and encouraged!
Enjoy!
not my gif
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GIF by red-artemis-jane
not my gif
The year Harry turned 11 was the year professor Sprout retired, in turn, Y/N got the position as herbology professor. She enjoyed teaching her nephew and loved being back at Hogwarts no matter how much it pained her to be there without her brother and his best friends. The first two years went by without much issue, however, in Harry’s third year, Y/N heard whispers of a new professor starting at Hogwarts, an old student from her time there. And she had also heard about the escape of Sirius Black, her brother’s best friend who had supposedly ratted the couple out to the dark lord and got them killed. It was a lot of emotions for her to deal with at once.
She was already at Hogwarts when she got word that Harry was attacked by a dementor on the train ride there. She rushed to the main hall and found her nephew rather quickly. “Merlin Harry, are you okay? Did you get hurt? How did this happen?” She bombarded her nephew with questions before engulfing him in a tight hug.
“I’m okay, Aunt Y/N. I didn’t get hurt, I don’t know what would’ve happened if professor Lupin wasn’t there,” Harry reassured his aunt.
“Lupin?”
“Professor Potter, we are waiting for you at the table, you may catch up with your nephew after the feast,” Dumbledore’s voice interrupted. She planted a kiss on her nephew’s forehead before following the headmaster to the table. She took her usual spot beside Severus, not even noticing the new but familiar face on the other side of the man. Dumbledore began his usual beginning of the year speech, this time including that due to the escape of Sirius Black, dementors would be gracing Hogwarts with their presence. “I would also like to welcome our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor R.J Lupin.” Y/N choked on her tea at the name, Severus patting her back gently as he suppressed a chuckle.
“Don’t laugh at me you git,” She said harshly.
“I wasn’t laughing,” Severus replied monotonously.
“Sure you weren’t.” Once the food was put out and she had filled her plate, she took her plate to the greenhouse to get herself ready for another year. She also just needed a minute alone, away from everyone, so she could try and process everything that was going on. As she sat at her desk to begin processing, the greenhouse doors opened. “I really don’t want to talk right now Sev,” She said without looking up.
“Good thing I’m not Severus,” A familiar voice spoke, “It’s been a long time.” She looked up to see Remus standing a few feet away from her. Her mood soured just a bit more at the sight of him.
“And who’s fault is that?” She snapped at him.
“I deserve that,” He sighed.
“Why are you here Remus? Shouldn’t you be at the feast?”
“Shouldn’t you?” Remus retorted, “I wanted to talk to you without your guard dog with you.”
“Then talk. And he isn’t my guard dog, he was there for me when I had nobody.”
“I also deserved that. Look, I just want to apologize for leaving without a word or even a letter. I thought it would be safer for you and Harry if I left, especially with my condition. It was too dangerous for me to be around you two. You didn’t deserve that.”
“If that’s all you have to say, then good night.”
“Talk to me Y/N! Yell at me, throw things, do something!” Remus shouted at her. She shot out of her chair, rushed around her desk and got in his face. Her heart raced with anger, her head spinning as tears sprung in her eyes.
“You want me to talk, fine, I’ll talk. You left me when I had nobody! My brother just died and you up and left! And then Peter died and Sirius got thrown in Azkaban and I got a baby practically thrown at me and you left me! The only person that was there for me, that got me out of bed, that got me to eat and took care of me, when I couldn’t do it myself, was Severus! He helped me and you were nowhere to be found! So fuck you Lupin, get out of my greenhouse!” She yelled at him, tears flowing down her cheek, chin trembling as she held back sobs.
“Y/N ple-”
“Get out! Get out of here before I do something I regret!” With that, Remus walked out of the greenhouse, leaving a sobbing Y/N alone, once again. That was the way Severus found her about 20 minutes later and, once again, he was left to pick up the pieces Remus had left behind.
“Darling, what happened? Why are you so upset?” Severus asked her, his voice filled with concern. When she didn’t answer, Severus became even more concerned but connected the dots. “Lupin came to see you, I’ll kill him.” She let out a teary chuckle at the threat he said under his breath.
“He came into my office, I thought it was you at first because I hadn’t looked up but I was wrong. He apologized and then wanted me to say something to him and I just screamed at him. It felt good to finally get it all out but it still hurts,” She finally explained. 
“I’m glad that the foul git got what he deserved. Do you want to talk about it?” She had nodded her head and the two talked for nearly 3 hours, about everything that was going on. Severus reassuring her as they talked and validating her feelings and her thoughts as the conversation continued. They had moved their conversation to a sofa she had in her office, eventually talking until they fell asleep. That was how Minerva found the pair when she had been wanting to chat with Y/N about Remus’ new position in the school. In all of the years she had known Severus, she had never seen the man sleep, let alone even yawn, so imagine her surprise seeing one of the most beloved professors sleep on a couch with the most dreaded professors together, not only just sleeping but snuggled together. Severus had his arms wrapped around her in a seemingly protective manner, Y/N’s head dipped down, resting on his chest, one arm around his waist, the other tucked into her chest.
Minerva just knew that she had to tell Albus and Sybil about the sight she took in. Before leaving the greenhouse office, she made sure that the lights were out and the two of them were covered in a blanket Y/N had lying around in her office. Minerva finally left the office with a smile on her face and a warmed heart at the sight.
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romancingdaffodils · 6 months
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Love Kills
City Rockers
part two of Love Kills
bassist/rockstar!Remus Lupin x Reader
warnings: swearing and description of blood
The tension between the two of you only seems to build as Remus faces a rather nasty injury. Naturally, you help him out. He gives his thanks in a rather mind boggling way.
haiii did you miss me AGAIN xoxo
thank you so much alex for alll your help on this one means a lot :3
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Often it’s said that punks are the nicest people you’ll ever meet. Terrifying on the outside, but lovely on the inside. Clearly, when put into a venue, this philosophy completely disappears. The gig goers habits of unplugging amps and launching glass bottles didn’t seem too lovely at all. In fact, you were quite against the whole idea or at least you were after the incident. However, it could make nights a whole lot interesting. It was what also led to the instruction of don’t get hit. Which then allowed, Remus to completely disobey this command. As a result of this, blood poured down his face. Surged, gushed, streamed. A bottle had collided directly with his head and had clearly left him with with an injury directly above his eye. The crowd went silent before erupting into even louder cheers. Freezing in shock, the soon-to-be-blood soaked man stared directly into the crowd. Immediately, James stopped singing and whipped his head around to the noise. Which, in turn, caused both Sirius and Pete to turn and look over at Remus. Another bang signified the speakers blowing and as the boys started up playing again to try to kill the time, it suddenly dawned on everyone. Amps had been unplugged too; fans had taken the band’s distraction with Remus as an opportunity. Worst first show ever. Praying to whatever gods to give him strength, Remus picked up playing again as Frank rushed around plugging the amps back in.
Anxiously, you bit down on the inside of your cheek as the band pushed through everything going wrong at once. Thankfully, Alice had managed to fix up the speakers relatively fast and was now stood beside you with a similar distressed look on her face. Unfortunately, the man’s determination to continue playing didn’t stop the bleeding. It was everywhere.
Red poppies turned into bloody rivers as the white vest he was wearing became soaked. He had discarded his outer layer of a jumper at some point during the first song, leaving his perfect arms on display. Now hardly seemed like the right time to be thinking about that though. But, your brain didn’t really seem to listen.
Some of the red liquid had caught in the hair that drifted down towards his eyebrows. Drying up in the sandy tuffs, the blood would be difficult to get out; part of you wanted to drag him off stage and patch him up there and then. Push a small kiss to his forehead, and rinse the blood out of his hair. The rest of the substance had meandered at what felt like the speed of light all the way down to his bass. After staining his white clothes it moved onto the white pick-guard on the body of the long instrument. Somehow, Remus seemed to have picked the worst colours for this to happen. Or, you might argue - if he wasn’t a friend in pain - the best colours because he looked practically edible. On a bad day, he looked positively gorgeous. There, he looked like everything you’d ever wanted and more. You’d never felt more guilty for having a crush on someone before then.
Droplets dribbled down from the bass onto the floor and your eyes finally moved to Remus’s face. You’d been able to look at the area of the wound as you found yourself quite fearful it would be serious. Half of his face was doused in blood and one eye was screwed shut, leaving him in a permanent wink. Thankfully, your gushing over Remus had made the show move a lot faster and the end of the encore ripped through everyone: crowd, band and roadies.
Remus was the first off stage.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Remus.” you exclaimed, grabbing hold of his wrist to get him to stop moving. The gushing blood was forcing him into a permanent wink and you winced just looking at the gash. “Sit down, I’ll go get the first aid kit. Fucking hell.” you said, pushing him down onto the couch. Surprisingly, he didn’t fight back. Now, it was your time to scramble. You ran down the corridor and yanked the first aid kit from the cupboard before immediately running back. Crouching down in front of him, you gave your best relaxed smile. He tried his best to return it. Your mind seemed to be a swirling mess of thoughts of how gorgeous Remus actually was and thoughts of how on earth you were going to clean this cut up.
“How bad are we thinking?” he asked, wincing as he spoke. He already had a rather impressive collection of scars dotted around his body; you figured this was nothing new to him.
“Dunno yet, you alright if I clean it up?” you asked, blue paper towels ready and waiting. He nodded his head and you stood up. Slotting yourself between his legs, you used the damp towel to wipe away the blood that had dripped down his face. It was an odd texture, like partially dried nail varnish.
You stared at the cut, checking for any shards of the glass bottle. None were there from what you could see, thank god. They must’ve fallen out during the performance. “So they just, throw bottles? At you? On stage?” you asked, trying to keep him talking as you applied a small amount of pressure. Thankfully, most of the bleeding had stopped by now; it was just a game of preventing the gash from getting infected.
“And unplug amps, and don’t make us famous enough for a better venue. Fuckin’ shit hole.” he replied, staring up at you through his eyelashes. With all the blood cleaned away from his face, he looked up at you with both eyes wide open. You shook your head, giggling quietly. Armed with an antiseptic soaked cotton wool ball, you began cleaning the actual cut
“Sorry, know it stings. Talk to me about something, anything.” his comfort was your top priority. He smiled up at you, shaking his head.
“Know what you’re trying to do, love, don’t need to. You’re not stupid, you can tell I’ve been through this before.” he said, smirking up at you. Resisting the urge to wipe the smug look from his face, you instead give a large frown.
“Just trying to be nice, let me be nice.” you complained, biting down on your lip as you continued to clean the wound.
“You’re being nice enough already.” he stated, plainly.
“You’re so lovely Remus!” you shouted over the bar’s blaring music. A hiccup ricocheted through your body as you giggled up at him.
“Yeah, you want me to get you some water?” he asked, batting his eyelashes at you. Sirius really did always keep his best friends hidden from everywhere else. Remus was entirely certain that the fact he hadn’t met you before that night should be a crime, so much so that he’d never forgive Sirius for it.
“No! You’re being nice enough already.” you stated, staring up at him blankly. He shook his head, but didn’t disobey your command. He thought he might die on the spot if he left you any sooner than needed.
Your face flushed at the sound of your own words being repeated back at you and the fact Remus remembered word for word what you had said to him. He grinned. You frowned.
“Butterfly strips now, aren’t they cute? They’re like stitches but not stitches, dead new too. I thought Sirius would get in a bar fight or something, that’s why I brought them with me, not that you’d be scrapping with glass bottles.” you rambled as you dug around in the tote bag beside you. Some gut instinct had told you to pack them and it must’ve be whatever gut instinct had you swooning over Remus.
“Yeah? They are pretty impressive.” he replied. His eyes held a hint of honesty he’d never admit as he admired your rambling. Remus Lupin could listen to you talk for hours. Remus Lupin, who preferred to spend his pre-show routine alone in silence; who adored the quiet of libraries and the very slight hum of a small cafe; who often had to put himself at the back of the tour bus just to get some peace would happily listen to you babble on about whatever nonsense.
“I know, right? ‘s so cool how they come up with these things. Right, this bit will genuinely hurt so, I’m really sorry in advance.” you said, giving him a sheepish grin. If the antiseptic was the foot soldiers, think of the butterfly strips as being the artillery. Carefully, you slotted yourself back in between his legs. Your hand pushed the two edges of the cut together whilst the other stuck the strips over the stop, a way of holding the wound together. Instinctively, Remus’s hand shot up and grabbed your wrist, eyes closing at the pain.
“All done.” you whispered, but his hand didn’t move from your wrist. Your eyes drifted down to his own as you smiled at him.
“Thank you.” he whispered back to you. His eyes mapped out a triangle on your face, subconsciously. He truly could not get enough; his hand still didn’t move. The silence in the room was unbearable and you were silently begging Remus to do something. Anything. He must’ve heard your pleas somehow because he stood up.
If you weren’t close enough to him before you almost certainly were now. The only thing separating the two of you was his looming height and even then that wasn’t doing much as his head was tilted down. You couldn’t read Remus. The now three very dramatic times you’d met, you’d never been able to read him.
“Happy birthday Sirius!” you shouted as you waltzed into the Potter household. It was your first time there, ever and my god was the place gorgeous. It was easy to forget how privileged one half of the band were. Sirius had grown up rich with a shitty family and in many ways James had won the game of life. Good family with lots and lots of money, which explained the oversized house that sat in the middle of nowhere.
“Awww, thank you. Look how lovely they are.” Sirius said, taking the gift from your hands and immediately running off to open it. ‘Child’ you thought to yourself as you smiled.
“Hello you.” Remus waved as you walked over to the kitchen counter, where everyone else stood. You didn’t notice it, but Lily raised her eyebrow and whispered something to James. The two stared at you and Remus for the rest of the night. He didn’t speak to anyone, but you.
“Hi. Don’t look at me like that.” you said, scowling up at him. He laughed and put his hands up beside his head with a false offended look.
“Look at you like what?” Remus fought back, though his smirk and small gave away what he was thinking. Or, at least you thought it did. He was referencing your drunkenness on the first night you met with that look, Right? You racked your brains, staring up at him with your mouth agape.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking.” you admitted, still looking up at him. He shook his head and gave another smirk.
“Do you need to?” he replied.
He still had a hold on your wrist and something in your stomach twisted. Your mind was blank and everything just felt fuzzy.
“Thank you, really.” he mumbled as his head moved in even closer. His thumb drew small circles on the inside of your wrist.
“Yeah, no- no problem. Honestly, like it’s nothing, I’d happily do it any time.” you rambled, giving him a small grin and your stomach twinged from embarrassment this time. He grinned and let out a small chuckle. You felt his breath fan against your jaw. You bit down on your lip
“Oh, hey guys.” James announced from the doorway. Your head whipped round immediately as you took a step backwards. Wide eyed and horrified, you gulped. Remus seemed, perpetually, unbothered.
“Hi, Prongs.” he returned, pointing to the cut on his head. “All fixed up now, wasn’t too bad.” he added, tilting his head slightly.
“Yeah, all fixed up. Can see that. We’re going down to the pub to go have a celebratory drink tomorrow, we’ve got a day here to kill. Think you’ll be up for it?” James asked, looking at both of you. You nodded, sheepishly once again. You knew he knew. He knew you knew. It was an awful trap to be stuck in.
“Sounds good.” Remus said, nodding his head and grabbing his bag from beside the couch. “ ‘m gonna go get changed, see you later, yeah?” he added, looking at you. Only you. And then, he walked off. It felt like you’d been left dangling off of the edge of a cliff.
“Please can I tell Si-“
“Fuck off, James.”
“What about Lily??”
“Maybe.”
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aejiee · 2 months
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Humbly requesting James and Sirius doing some silly platonic soulmate shit like karaoke or something
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Idk why but I imagine the "OH F- ITS IN KOREAN" "oh my god same" "외로운-" tiktok audio
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adharastarlight · 1 year
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sirius: i love you, bro
james: bro :( i love you
*meanwhile*
reg: youre a goddamn wanker
rem: and youre a fucking bastard
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ellecdc · 1 month
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I have been summoned by the Poly!Wolfstar notification!!!!
I’m always a goner for brother’s best friend trope and this time it’s best friends so literally double the fun ☺️ This is just so soft and adorable pls you’re spoiling us, queen!
Part 2 where they tell Jamie and he actually already knew? Cause the joke is always James can be oblivious most of the time, but they don’t know it doesn’t apply to his sister so he already knew, most likely even before she knew herself cause he’s a sweet brother like that.
*sigh* I want a big brother
Love you queen! 💕
hahaha awe you're so right babes. it's really funny because I have this request and then the exact opposite version of this request - so it will be fun to write the other one too! it'll take me a lot longer though, angst always does.
part one here - but can be read as a stand alone
poly!wolfstar x potter!reader - you & the boys tell James
“You’re going to wear a hole in the rug there, dolly.” Sirius drawled in faux nonchalance as the two of you waited in the boys’ dorm room for Remus to return with James.
You were going to do it. Today. You were going to tell your brother you were dating his two best friends.
No big deal, right?
Except it was a big deal and you were absolutely losing your bloody mind.
And then your boyfriend had the audacity to be sitting on his bed, leaning against the headboard, casually telling you to relax like he wasn’t also shaking in his boots Doc Marten’s. 
Remus had volunteered to be the one to retrieve James for the lot of you. Mostly because you would have likely broken down in a mental state if it had been you, and Sirius likely would have blurted it out on his way up the stairs.
The door clicked and you could hear the quiet mumbling of your boyfriend and the much louder mumbling of your brother as the two entered the room. Based on the smiles on their faces, particularly James’ who eyes crinkled in delight, they were talking about something funny.
“Oh! Hey bug.” James called to you, seeming surprised you were here but not perturbed. “Hey Pads; Moony said you guys wanted to talk?”
Remus stayed standing near the door and you paused in your nervous pacing whilst Sirius scooted to the end of his bed, elbows on his knees and feet resting on his school trunk.
James didn’t look at all disturbed or uncomfortable. In fact, he looked completely at ease, here in the room with three of his favourite people in the whole world. Remus, the person who he goes to when he needs to feel grounded. Sirius, his best friend and partner in crime. And you, his twin sister and other half.
What were you doing here?
Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe you shouldn’t tell him. This could ruin him; this had the potential to ruin three of James’ most precious relationships. How could you have been so selfish? He didn’t need to know, the least the three of you could do is keep this to yourself. Abort, abort, abort.
“So?” James asked, looking around at everyone with a raised eyebrow. “Are you finally going to tell me the three of you are dating?”
You were sure your heart stopped. Remus blew out an exasperated laugh and Sirius choked on air. 
“You knew!?” Sirius screeched.
James smirked and shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah?”
“How?” You whispered.
James’ face softened significantly when he took in your face that was drained of all colour. “Well, Pads here is about as subtle as an erumpent. Moony has been mooning over you since like third year. And I’d have to be blind – do not joke about my eyesight – not to notice the way you look at them.” He offered simply.
“So, you’ve known all this time and just let us tiptoe around?” Sirius asked, sounding a little miffed – at his friend for allowing him to make a fool of himself, or at his apparent lack of discrepancy, you weren’t sure.
“I figured you guys would tell me when you were ready.” James said simply again.
“Are you mad?” Remus asked quietly, pointedly looking at you ask he asked. He knew this was your biggest fear, the potential fallout. You weren’t sure what you’d do if James refused to accept your relationship with Remus and Sirius. You couldn’t bear the thought of breaking up their friend group; three people would lose if that was the case, but it would only hurt you if you were the one to step away. 
“No.” James said as he moved his head back and forth slightly. “I guess I was hurt you didn't tell me, but I could also understand why you didn’t. But no, I’m not mad.”
You blew out a breath at that, but it came out incredibly shaky. Unfortunately for you, no one in the room missed it.
“Awe bug. I’m sorry.” James said as he stood and offered his open arms to you. You took him up on his offer and accepted his hug, leaning your head onto his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Jamie.”
“Don’t be, yeah? I’m happy for you, really.” He assured, rubbing roughly on your back. 
“Yeah?” You asked as you pulled back to look at him. You couldn’t see any contradictions on his face, only love.
“’Course. You’re the best, and I want the best for you.” He shook your shoulders a little, smiling like ‘did you seriously think otherwise?’
“Are they good to you?” He whispered, and though you knew your werewolf boyfriend and your canine animagus boyfriend could both likely hear the conversation, they allowed this moment to be yours and James’ alone.
“So good, Jamie. Promise.” You said, feeling tears prick at your eyes. 
“You’ll tell me if they’re not?”
You scoffed and rolled your eyes, but James wouldn’t let you pull away as you wont to do. “I wouldn’t involve you in it, James. They were your friends first; I’m not going to come between you.”
James’ brows furrowed a little as he seemed to ponder your words. “Perhaps...but you were my sister first. If anything, they’d be coming between us.”
You opted to smile at your brother and pinch his side like you knew he hated. “Never. That’s impossible.”
At that he finally let you go, returning your smile ten-fold. “That’s what I’ve been trying to say! So? Are we good?” He asked, turning to the rest of the room.
Remus had a proud and slightly emotional smile on his face while Sirius just stared between the two of you, eyes narrowed and eyebrows furrowed. 
“I’m sorry. What just happened?” He finally spat.
Remus groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. “Sirius, please. This went about as well as we could have hoped.”
James’ head popped up at that. “Oh! Sorry, did I make that too easy on you all?”
Sirius let out a scoff that sounded like “uhm, duh?”
“I could make it harder on you?” James offered.
“Please do.” Sirius said eagerly, causing you and Remus to groan in sync. 
James offered a quick ‘okay’ and cleared his throat, allowing silence to settle throughout the room as he picked up a stray book off his school trunk. 
Suddenly, he threw the book onto the ground, creating a booming thump. “MY SISTER!? ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU’RE DATING MY SISTER!?”
“JAMES PLEASE, JUST HEAR US OUT!” Sirius shouted back just as passionately. 
James scoffed in derision. “HEAR YOU OUT? HEAR YOU OUT. I THINK I’VE HEARD ENOUGH!”
“YOU CAN’T KEEP US APART!” 
“I CAN AND I WILL. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!? I THOUGHT THIS FRIENDSHIP MEANT SOMETHING TO YOU.”
“IT MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME!” Sirius called back, dropping to his knees on the floor in front of James. 
You shared a look with Remus as the theatrics continued, knowing this could go on for hours.
“Should we leave them to their drama?” Remus asked you.
“Please.” You nearly begged, taking his hand and exiting the dorm, catching one last sentence before the door clicked shut behind you.
“I’M IN LOVE WITH HER, JAMES!”
“I DON’T CA- wait are you really? That's so cute!”
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chasingthestarss · 1 month
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James: *rambling about something he like*
Sirius: Hey James it’s time to go
Regulus: Don’t interrupt him
Sirius: We have to go to class, I have to interrupt!
Regulus: Oh so it’s okay to miss class when you’re doing a prank but not when your best friend has something important to say? I see how it is.
Sirius: …
Sirius: You’re right, we’re not going
James: I have to go to potions
Regulus: I’ll do your homework for you, now keep talking
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evadwrites · 1 year
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i have some thoughts on zar’s exit from the fandom & their decision to delete their fics and how the fandom is reacting to that. and the fandom is reacting horribly.
and the irony of it all! because, arguably, crimson rivers is what zar is most known for. crimson rivers, set in the hunger games universe, created by suzanne collins to criticize capitalism, the entertainment industry, and consumerism patterns of offered media and how it varies based on a social class. and zar’s work added so much nuance to what suzanne collins had written. zar had done an excellent job writing james, sirius, and regulus as victors and exploring their respective traumas when it comes to being in the public eye.
regulus (and james, too) constantly felt like he had no autonomy and no choice because he was thrust into the public light and pressured into doing exactly what was expected of him. and sirius? oh, sirius. sirius won his games and was made into this galaxy-sized celebrity by the hallows, expected to conform to every assumption made about him, to follow all the rules his new role as a mentor & a victor burdened him with. but most importantly—the hallows viewed sirius as nothing more than what he could offer to them. they looked at him and did not see the person.
zar wrote that, and tens-hundreds of thousands people read it and completely misunderstood. because zar wrote 865k words exploring how traumatizing it is to be made into an Image, to be stripped away of your autonomy for the sake of entertaining others. zar wrote that, only for the marauders fandom to do the exact same thing to them that the hallows did to sirius, to regulus, to james; to victors.
and that. that is fucking infuriating.
because, yes, zar is a brilliant writer, but first and foremost, zar is a person. and the way a large part of the fandom has been treating them is completely dehumanizing.
STOP saying “i respect/support zar’s decision but [insert a paragraph about how devastated you are and how you cannot stop crying]”.
STOP sharing the pdfs/epubs of his fics on literally all social media platforms when it’s the one thing zar explicitly asked people to not do.
STOP feeling entitled to the creative work that does not the fuck belong to you. STOP thinking that you have any right to demand anything from zar. STOP hiding emotional manipulation in-between words of illusory support and respect.
and to quote zar: for fuck’s sake, STOP calling them zeppazariel.
zeppazariel is a brilliant writer who was elevated within the fandom to a height so big that it hurts when you fall and crash, and the fandom pushed zar down. the marauders fandom made zar into a full-blown celebrity, but
zar is a person.
REMEMBER THAT.
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inkdrinkerworld · 5 months
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best friends to lovers with sirius x reader PLEASEE love the touchy bsf james fics sm
I’m making this touchy bsf!sirius and shy!reader!!
Something about being close to Sirius amps up your shyness. It doesn’t help that you’re always together because your friend circles overlap.
Right now, you’re hosting early Christmas dinner for all your friends because they’re all off to their family- everyone but you and Sirius ironically, but you’re trying not to focus on that too much.
“Poppet!” Sirius’ call echos through your apartment and finds you in the kitchen where you’re taking your bread out the oven.
“In the kitchen Siri,” you say, not quite a shout but loud enough for him to hear. Your heart speeds up when you hear the click clack of his boots on your flooring.
“Happy early Christmas,” he says quietly, setting the bottles of mead, spiked eggnog (a recipe he had begged your mother to teach him many Christmases past), and sorrel.
His hands, now free, find your hips as you set the loaves on cooling racks.
“Happy early Christmas,” you echo, trying not to freak out at his proximity. It’s not unwanted and it’s been freely doled out to you for years, but you still can’t help but feel giddy and shy under his touch. Or his gaze, or well, just anything Sirius really.
“D’you need help with anything, poppet?” He asks, his cold rings running up your hip as he waits for your response.
“Can you pull the biscuits from the fridge? They’re the last thing to bake.”
Sirius nods, leaving you quickly and in the space of time it takes, all your friends come tumbling into your house.
James with the ham, Remus with turkey, Lily with a tofu dish, Marls and Dorcus with gifts.
Your house goes from quiet to lively in a matter of seconds and the boys set the table while you and the girls start drinking.
“Do you think Sirius will make a move on you?” Dorcus asks and you roll your eyes.
“We’re just friends,” you mutter, sipping your sorrel as your friends scoff. This is a conversation you’ve all had in many different ways.
You insist you’re friends and then Sirius goes on a does something not exactly too friendly.
“Dove? Can you come here a minute?” Remus calling you makes your eyebrows raise to your hairline.
“Yeah, Moony?” Sirius is already sitting in his self assigned seat- the one right beside yours- with a frown on his face. As you get closer, you notice he’s scowling and gritting his teeth.
That makes the nerves in your stomach churn a little more violently.
“Would you please tell Pads that you wouldn’t kiss him to ring in the New Year?” The girls laugh at the reasoning for Sirius’ sudden bad mood.
You frown. You hadn’t thought that was what he was gonna ask you. “Do you want to kiss me, Siri?” Sirius looks up at you instantly, eyes stormy.
“S’not about what he wants dove, do you wanna kiss him?”
You feel put on the spot and know Remus will drop it if you ask him to, but Sirius looks pensive. Like he’s on edge for your answer. Like he might combust and disintegrate if you refuse to kiss him.
Not like you would. He’s got lips that deserve to be kissed.
“Yeah I’d kiss him. Or let him kiss me, whichever way it has to go.”
Sirius perks right up, much to your friends’ delight. “We can start practicing now or when these lot leave if you like, poppet.”
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pearlynia · 5 months
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Jegulus is literally everything, like:
Best friend's brother,
Forbidden love,
enemies to lovers,
sunshine × midnight rain,
"i once believed love would be black and white but it's golden"
"You're hesitating, love"
"a great big tragedy"
"I love you" "it'll pass"
"he never did fall in love again"
"somewhere, in the west country of England"
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padfootswhiskers · 3 months
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listening to the poa audiobook and it’s crazy how harry sees himself in sirius even before he knows who he is 😭😭 he’s got messy hair?? uncle vernon doesn’t like him?? god, me too
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Always There - Prologue : S.Snape
Summary: Y/N Potter was left with a baby to care for after her brother and sister-in-law were murdered by Voldemort. One person was there for her, a person she didn’t expect but soon became her comfort person, Severus Snape. During Harry’s third year at Hogwarts and her third year as Herbology professor, a few old friends come around again. Y/N has to handle the feelings of these old friends being around again as well as handle her feelings for a certain potions master all while she tries to hide these things from her godson.
Pairings: Severus Snape x Female Professor Reader, Potter!Reader x friend!Remus
Series Masterlist
My full Masterlist
Chapter Warnings: Female Reader, Potter Reader(No physical description of reader) probably shitty writing, Harry growing up in a loving home, mentions of death and murder, mentions of Azkaban
Series Warnings: Female Reader, Potter Reader (No physical description of reader) probably shitty writing, OOC Snape, Harry grows up in a loving environment, mentions of death and murder, poorly written angst, Remus is a shitty friend, poorly written pining,
Please let me know how I can improve my writing and being more inclusive to POC as I am whiter than white. Please also let me know if I have to add more to the warnings! My messages are open as well as my asks!
Author's Note: It's been a long ass time my friends, but I'm trying to make a come back here. I was a bit out of my comfort zone with this one so I hope you enjoy it. Please let me know how I can improve or if you find any errors! Correct me, don't be afraid to! I want to improve my writing and become a better writer so any feedback or advise is welcomed!
Word Count: 629
My asks are open for questions, suggestions and feedback!
Feedback is welcomed and encouraged!
Enjoy!
not my gif
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not my gif
Y/N Potter became an aunt in 1980 to a wonderful little boy named Harry. Her brother, James, had asked her to be the boy's godmother, as his best friend Sirius was named the boy's godfather. She of course accepted this honor, not knowing that a year later, the boy would be hers to take care of.
The night of Lily and James Potter’s death, as well as Lord Voldemort, Y/N was left by some of the most important people in her life. Peter had died, murdered by a supposed friend, Sirius Black, who was thrown in Azkaban after killing Peter and a dozen muggles. And then there was Remus, who had just left without a word, no note, no letter, just left. Remus was like another brother to Y/N, they had become friends before James and Remus became friends. So when he left without a trace, she was quite upset, she had just lost her brother and sister-in-law, one of their friends, another getting locked up and she was all alone with a baby that she didn’t know how to care for.
That was until she had run into Severus Snape at the late Potters’ grave not even a week later. He was leaving a fresh lily on the stone as she walked into the cemetery. They sat and talked for over an hour until Harry began whining to eat. This became a routine for the two adults. Eventually Severus began to help Y/N take care of Harry and herself, getting the Potter girl a job at Hogwarts with Professor Sprout after remembering that Herbology was her favorite subject. He helped her around the house and the two became unlikely friends. 
By the time Harry had reached 11, Y/N was offered the position as Herbology professor after Sprout had retired. She of course accepted the position, the first person other than Harry being told was Severus. She had gotten the job thanks to not only Professor Sprouts’ recommendation but also Severus, McGonagall and Binns. Getting a recommendation from Professor Binns was her greatest accomplishment other than being able to raise Harry when she was just barely an adult. She did give a lot of thanks to Severus for helping her raise the boy. 
Although Severus and James never got along, Severus had always been fond of the Potter girl. She was his favorite Potter that he had ever interacted with, which had only been four but that hadn’t mattered to him. Severus was quite fond of Lily but after realizing she was unattainable, he was able to move on from her. His fondness shifted to a different Potter, this time Y/N. Severus acted like a guard dog in a way, trying his damnedest to keep her safe and happy.
Not only did he act this way to her but also Harry. The boy grew up seeing Severus nearly everyday and had taken to calling the man Uncle Sev when he was 4. Severus had a fondness for Harry but nothing like the fondness he had for the boy’s aunt. Although her brother and his friends were terrible to him, Severus always liked the Potter girl better than her mischievous brother. He knew she was much different from her brother, more reserved, more intelligent, kinder.
The two grew closer and closer as the years went on, it got to a point that other professors were betting on when they would get together and students were constantly asking if they were a couple. Of course the two denied it but then later fantasized about being with the other instead of fessing up to their feelings. However, everything went astray during Harry's third year. Sirius Black had escaped Azkaban and Remus Lupin the new DADA professor.
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lauryri · 6 months
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Brother’s Best Friend
Sirius Black x reader
In which Sirius Black finds comfort in the person he least expects.
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The same day that Sirius Black realized his parents were Slytherins was the same day that Sirius had sworn off all Slytherins forever. It started off as a childish thing, a one-sided, unspoken attempt to get back at his parents for all of their strict rules and exaggerated lectures about the importance of his pure-blood ancestry.
When he met James Potter on his first train ride to Hogwarts, the resentment towards Slytherins grew into a shared inside joke. Something that the two of them could continuously throw around. Never mind that James Potter was from a pure-blood family as well. The joke was just another feeble attempt to get back at his parents.
And then, he met Severus Snape. And then, he met the insults and snide remarks of his Slytherin classmates. And then, he had finally decided: there was no good that came out of Slytherin.
So it’s no surprise that when his little brother, Regulus, was sorted into Slytherin a year later, Sirius was devastated. Sirius was silent during the entirety of dinner and even remained silent as he arrived in his dorm. The other boys tried not to disturb him, but they had never seen him so quiet before, and it was starting to disturb them.
“Some evening,” Peter said awkwardly, a yawn emerging from him. Remus gave him a strict look before turning his attention back to Sirius, worry evident on his face.
The silence only seemed to grow thicker until finally Sirius sighed and his words rushed out, eager for release.
“I thought he was different. This whole time I thought he wasn’t like them,” Sirius began.
“I mean yeah, Slytherins can be awful, but he’s your brother,” James replied, attempting to soothe his best friend.
“Very insightful, James,” Remus said sarcastically from his side of the dorm. He leaned back against his bed frame. “But I agree. He’s your brother. You know him.”
“I don’t think I do anymore,” he replied solemnly, his eyes sullen yet harsh.
“Don’t be like that, Sirius,” said Remus, “just talk to him.”
Sirius doesn’t talk to him the next day. Or the rest of the year for that matter. He says what he has to during the summer but when school starts, he goes back to ignoring him.
It’s not easy to pretend that Regulus doesn’t exist. He started to play quidditch. He is one of the smartest in his year. And he’s always seen with a Slytherin girl that is in Sirius’ potions class. She’s reserved and intelligent. She seems polite enough. She talks with Lily Evans. She’s even pretty. But she’s also a Slytherin and Sirius believes that’s a good enough reason not to trust her.
She’s always with Regulus. They sit together in the Great Hall. They walk in the corridors together. Sirius spots her one day leaning against Regulus’ shoulder, laughing loudly at something he said. Sirius resents her for it. He hates her for knowing Regulus.
Later that day, Sirius is walking into Potions class when he spots her talking with Lily Evans. He tries to walk past unbothered, but then he hears her mention Regulus’ name.
“Regulus and I have a bet,” she says with a laugh. Sirius tries to ignore how sweet her laugh sounds.
“Is that right?” Lily chuckles and shakes her head.
“He’s the best seeker that’s ever been. Write it down. This Saturday. You’ll see.”
“He really doesn’t think he’ll catch the snitch?” Lily wonders curiously.
The girl responds back with a small pout. “He doubts himself a lot. I hate it. But I’ll win the bet, and he’ll see.”
Sirius rolls his eyes and continues walking. What does she know? Regulus is his brother after all.
Their conversation leaves him with an irritation that follows him the rest of the day and a worry that maybe he doesn’t know his brother anymore. James has tried cheering him up, but Sirius continues his sulking all day. He hardly eats anything when they sit down in the Great Hall. He goes to bed as soon as they make their way to the dorms. No one bothers him.
The next morning, the marauders don’t even have to ask Sirius what’s wrong. He wakes up determined and explains the whole situation to them.
“He doubts himself sometimes. I hate it,” Sirius says, mocking the girl as his story comes to an end. He shakes his head furiously.
“Are you talking about y/n?” asks Remus.
“Y/n? I don’t even know who that is. Did you hear anything that I even said?” Sirius looks as if Remus has just deeply betrayed him.
“The girl you keep complaining about. She’s Lily’s partner in potions,” says Remus as if this is common knowledge.
“A friend of Lily’s is a friend of mine,” says James, a teasing smile on his face.
Sirius thinks that maybe, given a different circumstance, he might have laughed. But James is supposed to always be on his side, so he makes a face of disgust instead. “You too? Peter?”
“She’s quite pretty,” He responds with a shrug of his shoulders.
“She’s a Slytherin,” Sirius mutters, but it’s loud enough for the rest of them to catch it.
“Really?” Remus rolls his eyes, “I thought we were past all of the house prejudice or whatever you’d like to call it.”
“That’s not why I don’t like her,” Sirius lies, quickly defending himself. He pauses as he struggles to come up with another valid reason. He continues on anyway, “she’s very… assuming. How can she possibly know how Regulus feels? I’m his brother. If anyone knows him it’s me.”
The three of the boys share a knowing look.
“Sirius,” Peter speaks up hesitantly “when’s the last time you even spoke to Regulus?”
Sirius isn’t sure why that question hits him as hard as it does, but it hurts. Surely it wasn’t that long ago. They spoke a little during last summer whenever he wasn’t at James’ house…
Sirius decides that he doesn’t owe any of them an explanation. He stands up quickly and mutters a faint, “excuse me.”
Sirius’ urge to run away leads him to the front of Hogwarts’ entrance. He finds it ironic that the first thing he notices as he exits Hogwarts’ front doors is the Slytherin girl, or Y/n as she sits alone near the Great Lake.
Sirius had no time to think about the reckless act he was about to make. He was fueled by the anger of Peter’s question and the fact that he really didn’t know when the last time he had spoken to his brother was. He figured the only obvious option was to blame her. The girl with soft eyes and a determined expression. The girl sitting with her back against the tree, seeming not to notice the ruckus of the other students around her, not even noticing Sirius’ haste steps towards her as she stares into her book.
“Y/n, is it?” he says finally as he comes to an abrupt stop in front of her. In a quick second, her eyebrows furrow and her gaze is on him. Her eyes even widen a little bit.
She takes a few seconds to respond, and in all of those few seconds, Sirius can feel himself growing impatient. Before she can even finish saying yes, Sirius cuts her off.
“It’s a bit cold out here to be reading don’t you think?” his tone is harsh.
“What?” she replies confused, and Sirius almost feels bad. Almost.
“It’s just that it’s cold, and you’re not even wearing a jacket and…” Sirius’ voice begins to falter. His pride doesn’t let him stop. “I’m Regulus’ brother.”
She nods. “I know that,” she says sharply.
Sirius is immediately taken aback.
“Fine. Who are you anyway, his girlfriend or something?” he replies back with the same sharpness in his tone.
She laughs loudly enough to surprise him. He looks at her in confusion, and she shakes her head. “Who are you to ask something like that? You won’t even look at him.”
Sirius tries not to let that hurt him, but it does. “I’m his brother.” He keeps saying this. He’s hoping that after saying it enough times this simple fact will make up for everything else.
“No. I’m not his girlfriend,” she replies.
“You just seem to always be with him,” Sirius presses on, and he knows he shouldn’t, but some pathetic part of him feels like by talking to her, he’s kind of talking to Regulus.
“He’s my best friend.” With those simple words, Sirius has the daunting feeling that he has completely lost his brother. He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, and Y/n just stares up at him curiously.
“Why are you speaking to me, Sirius?” she asks after moments of silence.
“I don’t know,” he admits because isn’t it just the truth? He doesn’t know.
Y/n continues to stare at him, and it kind of annoys Sirius until she finally says, in a calm voice, “Talk to him before the match tomorrow.”
Sirius doesn’t really understand, but before he can ask, she’s adding on.
“ ‘Good luck’ or ‘you’re going down’ I don’t care what it is. Talk to him.” And with that, she goes back to her book.
Sirius is going to talk to him. The game is about to start, and Regulus is right there. He’s going to talk to him any minute now…
Regulus is already focused on the game. Most people have a hard time understanding Regulus, but to Sirius it comes naturally. He can see the way worry flickers across his face before immediately being pushed away. He feels the urge to reach out, to comfort him. And now he understands why Y/n had asked him to say something; he understands her conversation with Lily.
The whistle blows and Regulus is about to fly when Sirius blurts it out.
“Good luck,” he says to Regulus. Regulus is undoubtedly surprised. His eyebrows raise, and he’s quiet for a few seconds.
Then, he simply nods, “Sure, you too.”
Regulus doesn’t sound bitter. The interaction between them almost feels natural. Sirius smiles lightly. Although, it doesn’t take long for the brief happiness to subside into a feeling of guilt. He spent so much time resenting his brother for something outside of his control. He has a sinking feeling that he was wrong.
He tries to find Y/n in the stands, and when he does he breathes in sharply at the sight. She is smiling so brightly that he finds it difficult to look away. He hates to admit it, but he thinks he might have been wrong about her too.
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jamespotterbbg · 5 days
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i firmly believe that sirius was marlene's guy best friend. he scared away any boys that tried to hit on her, and pretended to be her boyfriend. they fought like siblings and were each other's first kisses.
(and later, he was the best man at her wedding)
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adharastarlight · 6 months
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sirius was the biggest jegulus shipper, until he found out their lovey dovey cutesy shit was also physical
that's when james got chased through scotland
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danaewrites · 3 months
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you with the dark curls (you with the watercolor eyes)
part ii: i wanna hear you speak to me
james potter x reader // read it on AO3
word count: 3.6k
summary: “Falling in love with your best friend was never a good idea, but you’d managed to do the idiot thing anyway, carrying a torch for a boy who would never look past Lily’s emerald eyes to see the watercolor ones that had always been by his side.”
tags: best friends to lovers, angst with a happy ending, based on the song "dear arkansas daughter" by lady lamb, fem!reader
author's notes: new year, new chapter! i started writing this one back in SEPTEMBER and finally had enough time away from the terrors of calculus homework to finish it. thanks for reading my story so far and i hope you enjoy this incredibly self-indulgent chapter, because i had way too much fun writing it!! i promise that the angst in this chapter *will* be resolved, but it was too deliciously tempting to resist sprinkling a wee bit of hurt/comfort and dramatics in there as well. sorry not sorry!
read it all here: part i, part ii, part iii (coming soon!)
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“I’ve got no bloody clue how Dumbledore can be so energetic all the time,” you groaned, head in your hands as you peeked out at the headmaster’s more-than-slightly manic grin from your seat at the Gryffindor breakfast table. You were far too sleep-deprived to process his latest choice of garish attire: a bright chartreuse robe covered in plaid polka dots, topped off with what appeared to be rhinestones and tinsel attached to his beard.
Perhaps if Kettleburn hadn’t assigned you three feet of parchment on the seventeen glorious properties of dragon dung yesterday and expected it done by this afternoon, you might have appreciated the headmaster’s creative fashion choices– oh, who were you kidding. There really was no understanding that wizard, even properly rested. James and Peter had made a bet during fifth year on how long it’d take Dumbledore to crack under a constant deluge of pranks in his office, but they’d quickly realized that the man was too far gone to do anything but take inspiration for school events– an idea that was quite frankly, comically frightening, and the sort of thing you weren’t keen on pondering on a normal Tuesday morning.
Sirius wrinkled his nose sympathetically and slid the pile of raspberry jam tarts closer to you. “Late night in the library again?”
You nodded sheepishly, gratefully taking a pastry from the pile. “I honestly don’t know why Pince allows me to stay past curfew. Marauder’s luck, I guess?” Your attention was diverted by the sound of hoots and flapping wings as the morning owl brigade arrived, apparently choosing a kamikaze dive-bomb approach to deliver this morning’s newspapers. Ah, the joys of living at the world’s most advanced magical school.
Sirius, ever the epitome of grace, slipped under the table as a rogue owl zipped past, popping himself back up just enough to throw you finger guns. “Exactly right, doll, exactly right,” he grinned. “Trust me, Marauder’s luck gets you everywhere. And I mean everywhere,” he winked, sending you a lecherous smirk.
“Ew, Sirius, I don’t even want to know,” you sniffed. “I’ve learned my lesson after the mental trauma your tales of Dorcas’ birthday adventures inflicted upon my psyche. Please, spare me the details.”
“What? All I meant was Slughorn’s Christmas Party, of course!” He batted his eyelashes angelically, still partially covered by the tablecloth.
Your mouth gaped open in shock. “Last year’s Christmas party? Sirius Orion Black, I refuse to hear another word! What on earth would your ancestors think, with you bragging about such exploits-”
He leaned over, eyes wide with laughter. “No, I meant the one Slughorn is throwing on the 21st, it’s exclusively for us lucky seventh years this time. Although, you bring up some very fond memories… okay, okay, I’ll stop, don’t kick me–”
“What are we kicking Sirius for?” James slid onto the bench across from you, eyeing a groveling Sirius with interest. Peter joined him, but wisely chose to stay away from the ruckus, piling his plate high with the bacon the owls had spared. Remus was noticeably absent, spending the morning resting in the infirmary after a rough night of shifting– which you assumed was much more peaceful than the current chaos at the Gryffindor breakfast table.
“Oh! Good morning, Jamie,” you beamed up at him, passing him the plate of desserts you’d been protecting from Sirius’ nefarious advances. “Morning, dove,” he greeted you, and then paused. “Ha, get it? Morning dove?” He puffed up his chest smugly and nudged Sirius with his elbow in a futile effort to make him laugh. You huffed fondly at his antics. Boys.
Sirius rolled his eyes and took advantage of your momentary distraction, retreating back onto his seat to nurse his wounds– to your ever-growing delight (and Sirius’ woe), you had recently discovered that the Hogwarts girls’ uniform shoes were quite sharp. “At this point we should call you Lames. ‘Cause your puns are lame,” he muttered.
You shooed him away with a brush of your hand, remembering what Sirius had mentioned earlier. “According to Sirius, Slughorn’s hosting a Christmas Party again this year. Let’s pray it won’t be like the last one.” You muttered. James and Peter both looked vaguely ill at the prospect, shuddering in unison. “My tie will never look the same again,” Peter griped, but suddenly sat up straight in his seat. “Hey, wait, we’re finally old enough to bring dates to this one! Without sneaking them in, I mean.” 
Sirius snickered and lightly punched his shoulder. “Why, Petey, got some lucky girl in mind?” Peter reddened and glanced over at the Hufflepuff table, where a certain freckled blonde was chatting with her friends– a move that didn’t go unnoticed by James, who gave a delighted wolf-whistle. “You got a thing for Lucy Abbott, huh? Might want to make a move before Smith does,” he grinned, gesturing to the tall brunette boy who’d just arrived and sharing a knowing smirk with you. You giggled at Peter’s increasingly pouty expression; he’d figure out sooner or later that Smith was definitely not interested in Abbott– or witches in general– but it was entertaining to see him out of his comfort zone. Peter had always been the quietest of your little group, and you privately thought that a bit of momentary romantic angst might spur him to be more assertive. An ironic opinion, considering how your own love life revolved around the fact that your best friend had feelings for someone else… and you couldn’t do anything about it except mope.
Peter scowled. “Easy for you to say, Prongs, you’ve finally got precious Lily-flower wrapped around your finger. I bet you’ve already asked her!”
There it was: another reminder that James wasn’t yours, and never would be. You watched as the Gryffindor boys good-naturedly jostled his shoulder and tousled his curls. James grinned sheepishly, shrugging off their teasing. “Not yet,” he admitted, glancing hopefully at the end of the table, where Lily was chatting with her friends. 
Peter rolled his eyes. “Aw, come on, we all know she’ll say yes this year.” Sirius winced, looking at you out of the corner of his eye. Peter glanced at Sirius, drawn by the movement. “What’ve you got to worry about? Half the population would kill Dumbledore to get one dance with you. The only person who’s got to worry about a date is me– well, and maybe Y/n, I guess.” His face suddenly turned contemplative, looking you up and down. “Are you going with someone?” 
Sirius’ grimace became doubly pronounced at Peter’s tactlessness, and you felt your face heating up. Peter had a way of accidentally hitting on the issues others tried to hide. It wasn’t his fault he’d never heard about your trips to Hogsmeade with a paramour– in fact, none of the boys had. Because there hadn’t been any. You’d spent your entire time at Hogwarts pining after James, and as a result had missed the romantic milestones your classmates had already blissfully bragged about. 
Peter looked at you expectantly, waiting for a response, and you opened your mouth to confess your lack of experience when you spotted a familiar redhead walking gracefully towards your side of the table– to James, you realized with a start. Something within you ignited as you watched her glow with confidence, carefree and lovely as ever. Lily would never pine after someone uselessly; she knew she could get anyone she wanted with the right amount of banter and flirty gestures. You... Well, you weren’t there quite yet, but maybe it was time to take inspiration from the Muggle saying and ‘fake it til you make it’. And before you could think about what you were about to do, you turned to Peter and smiled coyly. “I might.”
James’ and Sirius’ heads snapped up immediately from their perusal of the breakfast lineup as they let out an identical murmur of surprise. “What?” James furrowed his brow, looking you up and down– seemingly trying to discern whether you had taken a holiday from your senses, most likely via Bludger-induced concussion at the last Quidditch match. Sirius merely raised a questioning eyebrow at you. You groaned internally, knowing that you’d have to explain yourself later… although, if your half-baked idea worked, you’d be spending a lot more time with him anyway. For now, you beamed innocently at both of them and took a sip of your pumpkin juice. Apparently, the Sorting Hat had placed you in Gryffindor for a reason- you were either incredibly brave or incredibly foolish to commit to this plan, but with Evans quickly approaching, you saw no other choice.
Peter looked momentarily shocked, then glumly began to assemble an egg and bacon sandwich seasoned with the occasional mutterance of “unfair” and “perpetually single, my arse”.
James’ eyes were still trained on you. “Who is it?” he asked, searching your face again as if he was looking for some indication that you were joking. You shrugged, trying to look casual. “I guess you’ll just have to find out, won’t you?”
“Dove-” he began, but Lily finally reached his seat and placed one stupidly perfect hand on his shoulder, diverting his attention momentarily. “Sorry to interrupt your breakfast, but Professor McGonagall asked me to bring you to her office for Quidditch scheduling.” James blinked, glancing up at her and then at the rest of the table. He stood up and focused on you again, expression clouded. “I’ll see you in Potions, yeah?”
Sirius stood up quickly, ushering him out of his seat with a speed you’d only seen him use to gulp down cheap Firewhiskey. He gave you a significant look. “Actually, Y/n and I were just about to take a walk, isn’t that right? So we'll both see you in Potions, what a sublime coincidence, now don’t be late for your meeting–” he chattered on as he shoved James toward the doors of the Great Hall, the latter eyeing him suspiciously but moving nonetheless. Sirius turned to you and pointed to the courtyard entryway. “You. Me. Talk, as in right now.”
Once you were sure that you’d made it out of earshot of Peter and the rest of the Gryffindor table, you wheeled around to face him. “Okay. First of all… I didn’t plan that.” Sirius raised an eyebrow again. “Second of all, I need a favour,” you pleaded, staring up at him with the most adorable doe eyes you could physically summon. They were usually most effective on James, for some reason, but you were sure that Sirius wasn’t immune to your manipulation either. He groaned, resting his face in his hands. “How do you even have a date? Last time I checked, also known as yesterday, you were still head over heels for Prongsie, doll. So do I need to check you for Amortentia or somethi–” He peered out from between his fingers with annoyed realization. “You don’t have a date, do you.” 
You blinked innocently up at him. He let out a long-suffering sigh and ran his hands through his hair. “This is what you need the favour for? You want me to go with you to Slughorn’s party so you can pretend in front of the rest of Hogwarts that you’re not madly in love with Jamie?” 
You grinned confidently up at him and slung an arm around his shoulders. “Aw, Siri, you know me so well. It’s almost as if you were maaaade to be my date for the party...” You fluttered your eyelashes up at him one more time for good measure, trying to hide a smirk. “Alright, alright, stop with the Bambi act, I’ll take you.” He scowled good-naturedly. “You know, this is going to ruin my dating pool for the next month.” 
You scoffed. “As if! If anything, you’ll just have more people fawning over you– temptation of the forbidden apple and all, you know.” 
Sirius brightened up considerably at this revelation. “Well, why didn’t you say so in the beginning, doll! I vote that we match in purple velvet, it does wonders for my complexion–”
You gave a very unladylike snort at the thought of you and Sirius swanning into the party in some sort of horrendous plum-coloured disco getup, and shooed him away towards the Potions classroom. That was an eyesore to imagine sometime when you weren’t about to get a headache from the dim dungeon lighting.
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Slughorn greeted you and Sirius by directing you to the front of the classroom with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Oho, a pair of latecomers, I see!” He winked at you and Sirius in exaggerated motion. You winced as Snape jeered and nudged Malfoy, who was busy enjoying Flint’s crude gestures at you. Ugh, Slytherin boys. The worst of the lot. Their snickers were quickly stopped by James chucking a handful of powdered wormwood at their heads when Slughorn turned away, making Malfoy’s prized hair appear covered in soot. You shot him a grateful smile. 
“Since you two missed my initial remarks, let’s see if you can make it up by identifying today’s potion, hmm?” Slughorn gestured dramatically to a shimmering green brew in a cauldron next to his desk, cherry-coloured smoke curling off of the top invitingly. 
Sirius shot you a panicked look, clearly not expecting to be put in the academic spotlight, but you shook your head and stepped closer. You smelled something rich and incense-like, which meant that Bumburrel leaves were a key ingredient. And combined with the way the smoke was drifting lazily around your wrists, curling higher and higher… “Brew of Mandelian, sir. Used for sharpened acuity under times of pressure.”
Slughorn gave a delighted chuckle and clapped his hands. “Well then! Ten points to Gryffindor for paying attention in lectures!” He dismissed you and Sirius with a wave, moving on to explain the finer points of ingredient preparation to a very bemused George Goyle as you slipped into your usual seat beside James.
You worked in quiet harmony for a moment, methodically slicing and crushing the slippery beetles needed to give the brew its signature green colour while James handed you the insects. He broke the silence after six beetles (not that you had been counting or anything) with an awkward, “So… you have a, erm, date?”
You huffed, motioning for him to hand you the foul-smelling Moorish tubers next. “Honestly, James, is it that surprising?” He scratched the back of his neck, frowning. “Well, I– yeah, I guess.” he trailed off, seeing your expression. 
“The tubers, Jamie, thank you. I mean, you looked at me like I was a ghost back in the Great Hall!” You were decidedly not making eye contact with him, trying your best to focus on the slimy plants in front of you and not the fact that your best friend-slash-unrequited crush doubted your romantic potential. What a way to be humbled– and while covered in tuber juice, no less!
He huffed, running a hand through his already messy curls. “Come on, Y/n, it’s not like that. What did Sirius want to talk about in the Great Hall, anyway? You two looked… chummy.” 
You glared down at the copper slicing board. “Well, it’s none of your business how chummy we are, is it? I don’t interrogate you every time you converse with Peter. In fact, it’s rather expected that Sirius and I speak to one another on occasion, considering the amount of time we all spend together thanks to you.”
You moved to grab another tuber from the jar, but James reached out and grabbed your hand, forcing you to look at him. His hazel eyes were alight with frustration, a look you knew by heart thanks to the hours you’d spent tutoring him in History of Magic after he napped his way through the entire first semester. “Are you serious? You’re actually going with someone?”
“Please, Jamie, do enlighten me on whyever you think I couldn’t possibly get a date with my numerous and diverse charms,” you sniffed, hoping to Merlin that he would just leave the entire subject alone. 
“No, it’s–” he groaned, leaning back in his seat. “The other boys, they don’t know how– you’re so, I mean, just look at you!” he exclaimed, gesturing at you. He stopped, frowning to himself, looking more confused than before. He glanced over at Lily, expression becoming even more muddled, brow furrowed and hard to read to anyone but you. 
Your mouth parted in shock, and to your dismay you felt tears bubbling up again. You blinked fiercely, refusing to let him see you cry. James thought the issue was… your looks? You suddenly wanted to crawl under Slughorn’s desk and never come out again, except perhaps to find a shovel to dig your grave with. This was far, far worse than watching him transfigure chocolates for Lily every Valentine’s Day. Now you knew for a fact he didn’t find you attractive– thought other boys didn’t either, even! And the way he’d clearly mentally compared you to Lily after what he’d admitted… well. There was no recovering from that. Teenage boys could be dense, but Merlin, how you had wanted him to at least let you down gently. 
You wished you’d never opened your mouth to lie about having a stupid date in the first place, but you forced yourself to laugh and mutter something trite about how that could all be fixed with a couple glamour charms anyway so it really wasn’t an issue for the party, thank you very much. He looked even more confused, opening his mouth to respond, but Snape chose that moment to interrupt.
“Hey, Potter!” James turned to scowl at the greasy Slytherin as you thanked your lucky stars for Snape’s interruption (a rather disturbing thought– potentially a harbinger of an imminent apocalypse. You’d never thanked Snape before in your life and hoped to never do it again). “Here’s payback for earlier,” he smirked, checking that Slughorn had dozed off and the other students weren’t paying attention before whipping a mottled yellow bottle at James.
James’ carefully honed Quidditch reflexes kicked in and he quickly dodged the object, but as the vial soared up, up, past your carefully diced tubers, over James’ messy notes, it hit your arms and shattered. You flinched in pain, crying out as the glass shards embedded themselves in your arm and the congealing, repulsive liquid dripped down your hands and onto your thighs. James lunged towards you, but it was too late– the potion had already seeped into your skin, causing an awful sparking sensation. 
You gasped, grabbing onto the desk as the feeling bubbled upwards. “Jamie, I don’t– I don’t feel–” you stuttered, suddenly lightheaded, and you heard someone gasp as you began to taste something metallic. You absently touched your nose. Why was it so cold and wet? You had been so careful not to touch your face around those horrid tubers and oh, oh Merlin and Morgana what was that pain in your hands and legs, please no make it go away someone help me help me HELP
You vaguely registered someone whimpering in the background. It might have been you, but you weren’t entirely sure what was happening outside of the electric symphony of agony crescending in your nervous system. The pain built swirled flooded through until you weren’t sure where you ended and the potion began which was a funny thought because of course you were you, but you couldn’t remember who you were before this so you laughed but that really hurt, oh how that hurt no no no no no bad idea–  
“Fuck– no–” James? Was he here too?
You blinked– when did your eyes open?– and saw him reach for you, frantically pushing his dark curls off his forehead. Why would he do that? You loved his hair, even when you were feeling funny awful things from the potion. You felt his arms scoop under you, lifting you off your seat as he caught your head from falling back. You heard a door slam open, footsteps, darkness clouding your vision–
His voice. “Sweetheart, no– don’t do that, I need you to keep your eyes open.”
You blinked again, trying to focus on James’ face. He looked pale, jaw set and tensed like it was before his Quidditch games. Were you moving? You couldn’t tell whether James was walking or the hallways were walking around you. He glanced down again, exhaling with relief once he saw whatever he was looking for. “Yeah, just like that. Keep those pretty eyes focused on me, okay?” 
He thought your eyes were pretty? 
James gave a tight laugh. “Yeah, I think your eyes are pretty, dove. Hold on a bit longer, we’re almost there,” he choked out. 
Oh. Had you said that out loud?
But you thought– he had said something, before, you couldn’t remember now but it was important and it hurt–
Some part of you, deep where the potion hadn’t reached, had melted at his words. That part was tinged with pain, too, but in a different way, raw and honest and hopeful and all for him. Or maybe that was the potion, you were pretty sure witches weren’t supposed to melt unless they were green and lived somewhere much further west, but your thoughts on the whole process evaporated as you reached a white door and a woman and your words started to swirl until they melted too and everything went black.
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shadowqueendiangelo · 2 years
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@zeppazariel gives me both joy and agony and I love them for that
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