#but as a romantic pairing it was so bad AND so poorly done

[stars-inthe-sky]

MCU isn’t my fandom and I’ve never seen Age of Ultron. But I love drama so please tell me: What in the ever-living fucks is “Joss Whedon’s boob trampoline”?

This, unfortunately:

The original 2012 Avengers movie, with the same cast and same director (Whedon), was largely great. The 2015 followup was...emphatically not. The thing reeks of all the stuff the MCU has done poorly since—incoherent action sequences, plot advancing characterization rather than vice versa, rushing to introduce new people and references to the comics, too much dependence on other movies (past and future)—but the forced, poorly written, terribly rationalized pairing of Bruce and Natasha was particularly awful.

I do remember a WHOLE bunch of fandom friends checking in with me after the thing came out to see if I was all right. Which I was, I will just die mad about this as the crown jewel for all the reasons Whedon massively disappointed me, personally, fuck you dude.

#stpauligirl #chitchat #iirc he had some lines about wanting the indie/theatre actors to play off each other which is fine #but as a romantic pairing it was so bad AND so poorly done #i've read fic that made it work and this was not that #it was basically a shoehorned 'beauty and the beast but the beast is a nerd and the beauty doesn't think she's beautiful on the inside' #which is bad and unoriginal to begin with #but also turned out to be just...typical whedon and made me never want to revisit xander harris again you know? #not to mention totally undermining SO MANY good and important and distinct things about natasha's characterization #and backstory #the black widow movie definitely punched back on some of them #but it's not the just the ship thing it's also that she was made to think about leaving behind the good fight #THAT'S NOT WHO SHE IS #or the stupid fucking 'i'm a monster because i can't have children' monologue which was the absolute worst #whedon wank #a tag i would love to never use again AND YET #come with me if queue want to live

[modanisgf]

DAYLIGHT , HANNI PHAM

note— it’s 3am so not proof read sorry 😭😭

☆ pairing(s): student hanni pham x reader

☆ warning(s): a bit of angst, bad writing

LOVE, a word that was foreign to y/n before she met hanni.

y/n liked to believe that love wasn’t real, every romantic relationship she had ended poorly. even her parents relationship had failed.

so what made her believe in it again?

TAPE ONE , THE MEETING

08/23/18

hanni pham, the day she walked into y/n’s first period as a new student would be a day the girl would never forget.

she remembered it well too well even, hanni had walked in nervously and in a rush but still looking as pretty as ever.

“y/n are you okay?” danielle, y/n’s friend asks.

“yeah.” the love struck girl responds simply.

danielle giggles quietly at her friends actions watching as hanni tried to find a seat.

“hey can i sit here?” hanni asks, her voice soft as she was still rather nervous.

“oh yeah, of course!” danielle responds smiling.

“thank you.” hanni says smiling back.

y/n swore she felt the world pause as her and hanni made eye contact. they stared at each other for a bit before y/n looked away embarrassed.

“so what’re your guys names?” hanni asks trying to move away from what had just happened.

“i’m danielle!”

“y/n.”

hanni nods, “i’m hanni.”

“nice to meet you.” y/n says smiling sincerely.

hanni was caught off guard by this, ‘her smile is so pretty.’ she thought smiling back at the girl.

the girls only got closer over time even becoming friends with others, expanding the group.

though as time went on hanni and y/n’s feelings for each other grew.

and they couldn’t keep denying it.

TAPE TWO , WHAT IS LOVE?

11/27/21

“dani?” y/n calls out to her friend, who turns around to face her.

“hm?” danielle responds.

“what is your definition of love?” y/n asks.

“love is a feeling of affection for someone or something, there’s different types.” danielle says, “like you wouldn’t love your family the same way you love a romantic partner y’know?” she finishes, y/n nodding.

“so how do i know if i’m in love with someone, like romantically?” y/n asks softly, embarrassed to be asking her friend this.

“i mean whenever i have a crush i just feel really giddy around the person. my heart usually beats faster, or i get flustered.” danielle explains.

“so what exactly do i do if i have a crush on someone?” y/n asks finally.

danielle knew this was coming, she was glad it was finally happening.

“you confess. in my opinion it’s better to take the risk i guess, you never know if the person will move on because of miscommunication or something.” danielle says.

“okay, thank you dani.”

“anything for you, y/n.”

TAPE THREE , CRUSH

11/28/21

“hanni!” y/n yells, walking faster to catch up to her friend.

hanni turns around after hearing her name her heart melting as she sees y/n walk towards her. y/n had changed up her appearance a bit, seemingly that she had got her hair done and put makeup on.

“y/n?” hanni asks as the changed girl finally stops in front of her.

“i need to talk to you.” y/n says grabbing hanni’s hand and dragging her elsewhere.

hanni for sure was blushing now her mind still not done thinking about y/n’s new appearance. she looked so good, how could hanni not be stuck on it?

the two finally entered an empty classroom, y/n shutting the door behind them. they made themselves comfy before y/n took a deep breath.

“promise me you won’t hate me?” she asks.

“y/n i would never hate you.” hanni confirms, flustering the girl in front of her.

“i’m not really good with words when it comes to being romantic, so i’ll be as straight up as i can.” y/n starts, “hanni, i like you a lot ever since we met i felt different around you and i wasn’t exactly sure why.”

“but now that i am, i’ve wanted nothing more than to be yours. so will you allow me to?” y/n finishes, preparing herself for rejection.

not even hesitating, hanni leans in kissing y/n softly the two not pulling away until they needed air.

“so.. does that me you’ll be my girlfriend?” y/n asks teasingly.

hanni rolls her eyes playfully, “y/n, i would love to.” she smiles sincerely.

y/n flashing her same smile back from the day they first met, making hanni’s heart melt all over again.

“I ONCE BELIEVED LOVE WOULD BE BURNING RED, BUT IT’S GOLDEN.”

#Spotify #newjeans #newjeans hanni #hanni pham #hanni pham x reader #newjeans x reader #kang haerin #danielle marsh #kpop gg #kpop #hanni x reader #kpop imagines #hanni imagines #newjeans minji #newjeans danielle #newjeans haerin #wlw #fluff #newjeans fluff #newjeans fanfic #mo jihye #taylor swift #taylor swift inspired

[koieio]

It sort of bothers me just how dirty Larian did Wyll. Western RPGs have a seriously long and bad track record with their black companions, so I was hoping that Wyll would break away from this mold, but nope. The guy character just got chopped up and spit over and over, by both the fans and the company.

Like why doesn't he have an Act 1 romance scene like everyone else, why do we have to wait until Act 2 to get a definite romantic moment with him? Why is it so easy to miss that kissing option in Act 1. Why doesn't he have his own character quest in Act 3, but all the other companions do? Which also means he doesn't have his own Act 3 cutscene for his character quest because he doesn't have one. Ansur is more about the Emperor than Wyll. And the Iron Throne is tied to Gondians, than it is Wyll. And again there is no unique scenes for bringing him.

Why is so much of Wyll's story spent having to share with barely any screen time focused on himself? Even in the Artbook do they have him sharing his page with Mizora? Why? Why is a vast majority of it just the Tav having to make decisions for him, and then when you do make a decision your character going, "OMG, why would Wyll just let his father die like that?" And half your companions disliking you for choosing said option??

Why is this man so buggy? Why does his Act 3 romance scene not trigger for the few people who do romance him?

Why does his romance promise more to come, and give you absolutely nothing until quite possible the near end of Act 3, when all the other companions at least have out of cutscene dialogue furthering your relationship.

Why is his Act 3 romance scene so poorly done? Why is it so short. Why is he suggesting marriage when all we've done is danced at that point? Why is the entire scene shot out of focused, with the two characters rolling around in the grass.

Why did they(very painfully mind you) give this guy a pair of new horns and then do absolutely nothing with that plotline.

Why did they make him this famed folk hero, who even got his own name from saving people and yet no one in game recognizes this man. We see more characters fawning over Karlach, than we do Wyll.

Why does this man have no friends in his home city of Baldurs' Gate?

Why are we allowed to sleep with his abuser and tormentor(Mizora), when no other character are we allowed to do this with. We're can't sleep Cazador behind Astarion's back. We can't sleep Gortash behind Karlach's. So why Mizora?

Why does Mizora have an intimacy cutscene, but not Wyll? How'd they find the time to animate her wrapping her greasy wings around us overlayed over a gradient, but have no time to give Wyll an Act 1 romantic scene? Or fix his Act 3 romance clipping issues before launch. Or spare a moment for Wyll to tell his dad that we're getting married. Or tell him that his son is dead.

Why was my man done so dirty?

#wyll ravengard #wyll #bg3 wyll #bg3

[teacuppsblog]

*ok so i know that shoto and ochako really don’t talk, and it’s very clear that ochako likes izuku, but i feel like they could have some romantic (or platonic) potential if they just interacted more and developed a friendship. it’s not like i necessarily ship them, i just think the dynamic of boy that’s rich asl w a strained relationship w his family & poor girl w a great relationship w her family could be a really interesting dynamic. like i can almost imagine shoto finding solace in ochako’s family (esp her dad) and him buying her things all the time. i know it’s such a random pairing, but i just think they could be really sweet together, even if it’s just as friends. hear me out 😭 *

it’s january, and shoto’s birthday is nearing. ochako doesn’t even think of getting him a present, they’re not close at all, really only friends by association. but then, to her dismay, the day before shoto’s birthday, she spots iida in a discreet area of the common room packaging an expensive looking bottle of cologne into a small, sophisticated little bag. he explains that it’s his gift for shoto, and that he’s going to help izuku and tsu wrap theirs. ochako’s heart drops slightly. well now she has to get shoto a present, she can’t possibly be the only person in the friend group without something for him. not only would it be embarrassing, but the idea makes her feel guilty. however, not only is she short of time, she also doesn’t feel like she knows him well enough to know what sort of present he’d like, and she certainly can’t afford something pricey like iida, so when she gets home, she practically begs her mom to help her make something, anything.

the day of shoto’s birthday, ochako rushes to him to give him her present first before anyone else does, that way if he’s disappointed (which she’s certain he surely will be) his spirit may be lifted by the others’ lavish, more thoughtful gifts. in ochako’s hands is a bundle of wool, knitted together to form a rushed, somewhat poorly made scarf. she almost shoves it into his arms, her cheeks warm and flushed, like she can’t bear to hold it any longer. her nerves kick in, and she begins to ramble, apologizing that she initially wasn’t going to get him anything, but then felt bad and so stayed up with her mom well into the evening making the scarf for him, threading together colors of red and white, to match his hair. shoto doesn’t say anything, just blankly stares at her and blinks once, slowly, like a little kitten. ochako feels imense embarrassment bubbling up inside of her, silently chastising herself for giving him such a woolly mess of a gift. but then she hears a small, soft voice utter the words “thank you.” her head snaps up from the ground she’d been timidly staring at. shoto’s brows are slightly furrowed, almost inquisitively, and he wears an expression on his face that ochako finds unreadable. he can’t quite understand why she went through so much trouble for him, but it’s somewhat endearing to him, and he feels a sort of new fondness for the rosy cheeked girl standing in front of him.

shoto wears his new scarf everywhere, replacing the soft cashmere one his father had bought him a while back. every time he wraps the red and white thing around his neck, he’s very conscious of the fact that uraraka had made it thinking of him, even though he’d never done anything of the sort for her. his old scarf was stationed in every high end store in japan, made and designed for anyone that could afford it, but this scarf, ochako’s scarf, was made just for him, and he felt a strange warmth in his face every time he thought about it.

#my hero academia #mha uraraka #mha todoroki #todochako #shoto todoroki #ochako uraraka #uraraka ochacho #mha shouto #todoroki shouto #ochaco uraraka

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 1

Propaganda under the cut

Chi-Chi

I think the fandom has had a turnaround on her in recent years, so the Chi-chi abuse has abated quite a bit from what I've seen, but for the longest time your standard Goku/Vegeta fic included SOME manner of sidelining her HARD, if not outright villainizing her or killing her off for convenience. Fuck, I'm guilty of it, even. I've seen meta and fics that go on and on about how she's abusive or ignorant or a bad wife or an overnearing mother or useles, and seen episodes where she's put aside as a gag, the nagging wife of Goku. Poor Chi-chi...she is so great and pure-hearted and stong-willed and yeah she's a bit of a tiger-mom and her name is a pun for tiddies but she loves her family and kicks-ass and she was done so dirty by the franchise and the fans for so long I wanna marry her.

Being a victim of yaoi is just one of the many ways Chi-Chi gets fucked over by the fandom. She also gets degraded for being a nag (wanting her family to be safe and not fight) and stopping her son from reaching his full potential (not wanting her son, who is anywhere from 5 to 11 depending, to be killed in a big alien fight). In this case, though, she gets killed off, divorced, or otherwise fucked over so her husband Goku can bang local genocidal maniac and fandom babygirl Vegeta. Bulma (who is canonically Vegeta's love interest) gets some of this too, but Chi-Chi's treatment tends to be worse since the fandom hates her already.

She's the wife of the main character Goku who is poorly written and consistently presented as a domineering nag as part of that classic sidesplitting routine. The very creator of the manga himself has admitted he hates drawing her and only kept her around as a punishment to himself. Because she's a loud woman people will shove her aside and completely ignore her to ship Goku with his rival Vegeta (which does also involve neglecting Vegeta's wife Bulma but more people at least like Bulma as a character.) She is consistently demonized by the fandom and I have even seen some go so low as to as to ignore her so they can ship Frieza, one of the biggest and most obviously evil antagonists of the franchise, with Goku.

Megaera

She's the First of the Furies, which means she's in charge of punishing tormented souls in Hades. She is canonically the ex-girlfriend of the playable protagonist, Zagreus, and one of his three love interests he can romance in the game. Despite the fact that Megaera and Zagreus canonically had a very messy (but passionate) relationship prior to the events of the game, in fanworks she's often shoehorned into the role of wingwoman and/or Mean Lesbian (tm) in favor of the pairing up Zagreus with another of his love interests (the grumpy but affectionate Death Incarnate, Thanatos). The Thanatos/Zagreus pairing is massively more popular than any pairing featuring Megaera...despite the fact that in the game, Thanatos/Megaera/Zagreus is not only totally plausible, but entirely possible to achieve within canon. Literally, a throuple situation is achievable in game, and she still gets sidelined. Fanworks also have a tendency to paint the Megaera/Zagreus relationship as purely sexual and therefore not as "deep" or "romantic" as Thanatos/Zagreus, despite, again, plenty of in-game dialogue and events that indicate both Megaera and Thanatos have fallen in love with Zagreus on their own terms. Justice for Megaera.

she's one of two romanceable characters by the bi male protagonist and the other one is a man. people will write literal essays about the protag's relationship with his male love interest but she is reduced to "haha she pegs him. step on me" despite being an extremely interesting and multifaceted character in her own right. also people try to claim her ship is incest because in original greek myth she was the daughter of nyx who raised the protagonist and he believed she was his mother for a long time but their relationship was changed to be a boss/employee one in hades. and the protag's male love interest actually IS the biological child of the protag's foster mother but nobody wants to talk about that lmao....love you meg

There's so little fan content of her or the canon ot3 she's in because everyone just focuses on the 2 dudes 😔

#round 1 #poll #chi chi #dragon ball #megaera #hades game #hades supergiant

[bklynmusicnerd]

I'm currently fighting a battle against going full "Bah Humbug" to this holiday season, but nevertheless we are going to get into these latest GH Petty Politics results!

This is going to be a long roundup because I did more polls than usual because I weirdly felt bad about how boring these last few weeks of GH have been.

Considering the present state of the show is actually pretty dire thanks to a deeply misguided EP, let's start off with what moratorium you all think GH needs more? The results were actually not close at all as 70.8% of you said:

Violet's random ass song aside, the consensus is clear. The majority are sick of 90% of the dialogue revolving around how the only thing that matters in this world is having babies. Imagine that 😒. To quote my mom, "The songs only last a couple of minutes, those babies take forever to disappear!"

29.2% of you, though, do think all the corny singing is becoming a problem. You signed up for a soap, not Glee.

And along those lines, when asked what you find edgier and more exciting during this holiday season, 84.2% of you said Hallmark Christmas movies officially have more buzz than anything happening on GH right now.

I don't watch Hallmark, so I have no way of verifying this. I made it an option cause I was feeling snarky after that terrible Friday ep, but I suspect this is the truth. From what I'm told, the heroines on those Hallmark movies do sometimes get to discuss things other than babies or when they'll have them, so that's something.

Onto the poll that surprisingly got the most buzz: What do you think of Curtis' ableist Christmas miracle paralysis reversal?

43.2% of you agreed that it is a lazy and offensive conclusion to a poorly done disability story, and that's because it is! Curtis' paralysis was played as a cheap ploy to get quick sympathy for him and in the process promoted the idea that all the lives of the disabled amount to is what they can't do.

Anyways, here's an article on why the "miracle cure" trope is offensive as shit and gross to write in 2023:

38.5% of you could give a shit about Curtis or his terrible storyline and just want to know where Trina's real father, Taggert is? A question that likely won't be answered until next year (but keep hope alive 🥲)

19.2% of you are in an optimistic mood and are open to this story at least having the upside of a potential testing fiasco which clears Trina of these Ashford charges once and for all (again...keep hope alive 🥲).

And a total of 0% of you are happy for Curtis to receive his miracle cure, and honestly...I've never felt prouder looking at a result. There's something really beautiful about us all coming together in the name of having no time for Curtis, I'm tearing up as I type this.

Moving onto the latest Kraze (😉) in GH pairings. I really wanted to know what you guys thought of Kristina and Blaze moving forward at the same time as this surrogacy plot that will not die.

50% of you said that you were too devastated by another pairing already being dragged down by the baby agenda, to put yourself in Blaze's shoes. As a Trina fan, believe me, I get it, and my heart goes out to you guys. The wlw delegation deserved better than this smh

29.2% of you said you would absolutely stay romantically interested in Kristina through her surrogacy story if you were Blaze. Which regardless of how realistic, is actually very sweet and probably exactly what GH will have Blaze do because baby agenda always wins out 😒.

20.8% of you said you'd probably have to dip if you were Blaze cause that's way too much way too soon and I have to say I'm inclined to agree with you guys. I can't imagine starting a relationship with someone who's about to carry a baby but I guess we're going to see what that looks like 🤷🏿‍♀️.

Speaking of "fuck them kids", a certain demon spawn was finally shown the door this week and I wanted your thoughts on Trina's status as a potential accidental homewrecker, and whether or not you gave a shit that Spencer's domestic era is over.

On the Trina homewrecking front:

47.8% of you said, yes, our girl technically qualifies as the cutest accidental homewrecker ever and you think she's a hero for demolishing the Jerry Springer household by simply choosing herself.

39.1% of you think Trina's homewrecking status is irrelevant because Laura's home was simply a training ground for the real home Spencer is already planning in his head with Trina.

And 13% of you, like my mom, think I play too much and that Trina is not a homewrecker and there's nothing funny about the suggestion! And to that I say: 😛

As for Spencer's domestic mourning period (🤢), I'm proud to report that the majority of you (57.9%) have no time for the fake sympathy for Spencer. You can be honest and admit that this story was bad, you're happy this form of it is over and you're hopeful that he can burn the diaper bags and return to dark princedom once again.

26.3% of you do feel bad for Spencer but uh, not enough to mourn this baby nonsense with him.

And 15.8% of you are actually going to miss Spencer the Manny. I can't really relate to such an emotion, but I admire the bravery of being open about your bad taste in storylines.

Setting crybaby Spencer to the side, let's talk about the real Cassadine youth doing real Cassadine things, Charlotte!

In true Cassadine form, Charlotte has the people divided. 34.8% of you agree with Valentin and are proud of Charlotte for her mess. But 34.8% of you also aren't sure about anything except that Anna should have slapped Valentin again (I agree). 30.4% of you are not down with Charlotte's shenanigans and think Valentin is nuts for being this passive.

The people are thoroughly split on Miss Charlotte Cassadine, which means she's doing wonderfully 😘.

Bringing crybaby Spencer back to the front again because it's time to discuss our favorite new pill popper on the canvas, Adam!

I really wanted to know if people were as into the Adam and Spencer friendship idea as @anyathefandom and I and I'm pleased to report the results are hilarious:

54.5% of you think we are nuts for trying to play friendship matchmaker with Spencer and a guy who's about to OD on pills and you know what, that's fair! Maybe our priorities seem a little odd as this kid tweaks about test scores! But we all know the powers of nepotism will save him from anything fatal, so I think some of you need to ease up on the judgment!

36.4% of you are here for the Spencer/Adam friendship idea. You're ready for Spencer to move on from Cali Cam and get a friend that's actually in the same town as him. You also recognize that it's either this or a forced Spencer and Dex friendship, and the lesser evil is pretty obvious here.

9.1% of you have no faith in Spencer's socialization skills and think it's a waste of time to hope he'll get a new friend. You think Spencer will never outgrow his "no new friends" phase, and you might just be right. Depressing but right.

And to save the funniest result for last. No, seriously, I saw this result and immediately lost it.

When asked what do you think will happen first, Adam OD'ing or Dex finally getting a real personality besides sex robot, 100% of you said Adam's inevitable OD is coming before Dex's personality. Because the only thing you guys have less faith in than Spencer's socialization skills, is Dex's character development.

I wanted to save that result for last because that's actually our first unanimous GH Petty Politics result and I love that it was as funny as it was disrespectful ❤️.

And so concludes another round of GH Petty Politics. Once again, you guys are hilarious and your participation is always appreciated!

#general hospital #rest is going under a cut because of course it is #trina robinson #spencer cassadine #kristina corinthos davis #dex heller #curtis ashford (loser) #marcus taggert #anna devane #valentin cassadine #charlotte cassadine #adam wright #first time i ever guffawed looking at some of these results 🤭 #honestly had more fun doing this than watching gh this week negl

[farlynthordens]

vol 8 thoughts and vol 9 theories

Ok so. That was a lot.

I honestly had expected vol 8 to be way, way worse cuz I thought the mpreg was going to be the focus of the entire volume and it would just generally be uncomfortable and/or explained poorly. But it actually was not that bad.

Yes it is still weird that it implies bisco had been making milo pregnant slowly and by accident over the course of the couple years they knew each other, but this is also so fucking funny I can't be mad about it. ALSO PAWOO JUST ACCEPTS THAT THIS HAPPENED WITHOUT BATTING AN EYE. Like she finds out her brother somehow gave birth and is like "yeah ok cool, time to teach my step-daughter some sick polearm skills."

I also want to point out that milo was So Chill in this volume. yeah I know he threatened to torture someone that one time, but this is still, somehow, The Most Normal he has been since vol 1.

Why was he so much more chill, you may ask? Let's recall that vol 7 ended with him finally admitting his love to bisco, and then they+pawoo eloped together. Milo and bisco are often referred to by other charas in vol 8 as "a couple" or are insinuated to be lovers. So uh. Yeah. I think milo finally chilled tf out because he and bisco officially became A Thing, so now he isn’t constantly pining or playing watchdog for anyone who may flirt with bisco. And they also. They probably h

They

(meme made by peter megacarapa, thank you for your service)

Yeah :)

one thing that i was SO happy about with this volume was the lore related to jabi. i was really worried that he would never be brought up again, because after dying at the end of 6 he not mentioned at all in 7. i’m glad we got to see some emotional moments related to him - finding out that jabi lied to bisco about his mom being dead, marie learning of his death and quietly mourning him, jabi’s spirit appearing in bisco’s dream... all of those moments were really, really good.

plotholes!

The series isn’t unfamiliar with plotholes, but there were some in this volume that I felt were particularly big? namely:

The thing with the prayershrooms never ends up going anywhere

Marie takes bisco to look for prayershrooms, which can be used to alter someone’s soul and change the way they think. she intended to have sugar eat them in order to control the ways sugar could use her powers, saying that without them, she could destroy the world by throwing a tantrum or erase people from existence if they upset her. they do collect the prayershrooms, but nothing is ever done with them nor are they mentioned again.

i think the volume would have progressed VERY differently had she gone thru with it, as marie could have potentially manipulated sugar to do her bidding without bisco/milo realizing til it was too late. sugar would have been very helpful in carrying out her plan to rewrite the world.

It’s never explained how pawoo knows that sugar was born

Milo never told anyone about his feeling sick, and pawoo is not with them when sugar is born. bisco and milo subsequently go missing for a few days. the only others who know about sugar’s existence at this point are marie, meah, and youkan, none of whom pawoo interacts with in the time between escaping her room and meeting sugar. there is literally no way pawoo would have known

8 ending / 9 predictions

It had a lot of the typical end-of-series pairing off of characters and overall a very large focus on familial/romantic relationships and children. The epilogue also seemed to give a semi-conclusive end? Sugar and salt have grown up and gone off to do their own things, and the main trio is living happily and peacefully together. The world seems to have become a calmer place. So it feels like this was the closing of the main story.

But the tagline for vol 9 makes it sound like it's still focused on bisco and milo, which I mean.... is likely. The thing that confuses me about it is that they're still referred to as "boys", even tho by the end of vol 8's epilogue they would be in their 40s. It also states that this is taking place in the distant future. SO I think we can theorize a couple of options:

It happens during the 20 year gap we skipped, during which they time travel to the future

It’s bisco and milo's future reincarnations (apollo and domino......... TWO!!!!!!)

It’s a completely non canon story just for funsies

It’s an alternate timeline

i think all of these except the 3rd are very much on the table. i can’t see cobkubo making a whole volume that’s not actually part of canon

anyway I hope yall have enjoyed coming on this adventure w me and let's look forward to whatever happens next 😊 I'm curious if any of yall have your own theories about 9 lol

#sabikui bisco #rust eater bisco #sbkb summary series

[unsettlingconclusions]

Peace

Pairing: Ayna Seth x MC (Kennedy); Ayna / Arjun Summary:  After a disagreement with Kennedy, Ayna toughens up and goes facing her demons. Genre: Hurt/comfort. Angst. Rating: T Word Count: 3k Notes: This has been sitting unfinished in my OneNote for a year. Did not review it, just finished and woohoo. As a special note, if you’re Indian and is annoyed with my poorly researched references, please let me know. My wish isn’t to offend anyone. 

Beep.

With a sigh of annoyance, Ayna flips to the side to find the source of the aggravating noise. She forgot to turn off the hourly beep of her wristwatch again, and here it goes telling her yet another hour had passed and she still wasn't able to sleep. She finds it by her bedside table and turns the damn sound off, not without first confirming it really was 04:00am.

She settles back against her pillow and stares back at the ceiling, lost in thought. Tonight was supposed to have been a great night. It was Friday night and Kennedy had come by for dinner and some chilling time, and they were actually able to have a peaceful and romantic night.

They had fallen asleep together, laying in each others arms, and Ayna felt warm and fuzzy. Whenever Kennedy was around she felt like she was on cloud nine, and she thanked every entity she could think of for her second chance.

Everything was going great until at somewhere around midnight Ayna woke up to the tossing and turning of an agitated Kennedy. Before Ayna could shake off her own sleep to understand what was happening, Kennedy woke up panting and frightened, and it took no genius to figure out what that was about.

Claiming she wanted a glass of water and some space, Kennedy left the room. The distress Ayna could tell she was in though made it impossible for her not to follow Kennedy after a few minutes. In hindsight, she could tell it was a bad move. Kennedy had explicitly said she needed some time to cool off, a request that Ayna ignored.

So when Ayna follows her to the living room and asks if Kennedy wanted her to leave (even though she was in her own apartment?), the answer she got for that was “Can you try not to make this about you? Can you please just back off for a minute?”.

"You're such an idiot!" Ayna buries her head in her pillows at the memory. It wasn't in Kennedy's nature to lash out, so the fact that she did told Ayna she really miscalculated that one. She lets her mind wander through the rest of their evening; after Ayna retreated back to her room to give Kennedy her much needed space, the younger woman took several minutes for herself before coming through the door. This last piece of conversation sent Ayna's heart to a frenzy, rivaling completely the state she was in at the begning of the night, and certainly responsible for her current sleep deprivation.

“I'm sorry I lashed out.”

“It's fine. I'm sorry I was hovering.”

“Look, it just gets confusing sometimes. I know you’re this wonderful person and I love how peaceful it gets to be with you. But sometimes I get thrown back and I remember that you lied and kept things from me. I just need some time to separate the two of you in my mind.”

“I get it.”

“You need to forgive yourself too, Ayna, or we’ll never move forward. Everything is great when it’s you and me, just the two of us, but not so great when it’s you, me and your guilt.”

Closing her eyes tightly as if it would help her shield herself, Ayna replays in her head for the thousandth time the part that was really tormenting her.

“I want to be with you, but not like this.”

“Kennedy-“

“I’m not breaking up with you! Not asking for some time or anything, ok? I mean I think so. Just... Just for tonight, I think it will be best if I leave.”

Ok, so she needed to forgive herself. Easier said than done. Ayna had been so scared of losing her dad that she could barely see anything else until Kennedy came along, turning her whole world upside down, all of the sudden making her fears about losing Kennedy instead. Now, the truth is that if she didn't learn how to deal with herself, she'd end up losing both.

Unable to lie still and relax, she gives up on it entirely and gets up, moving for her wardrobe to change into something more appropriate for a late trek outside.  Satisfied, she resolutely walks towards the front door, following through with her plan before losing her nerve. It's the eerie hours of the morning, perhaps this might not have been the best idea she's ever had, but she felt she needed to, no matter what would come out of it.

So at exactly 04:48 in the morning, she finds herself standing outside an all too familiar door.  She rings the doorbell and waits. At last, a sleepy and confused Arjun opens it.

They stare at each other for a few seconds, neither saying anything. Ayna felt like a teenager again, stared down by her father when screwing up. Feeling like he’d never be the one to give in first, and that she was, after all, the one who sought him at a very inappropriate hour, she tries her luck.

"Hi, dad.”

The only response she's provided with is that of Arjun narrowing his eyes. She feels like at any moment he'd start chiding her, but the seconds kept passing by and it never came.

"Can I come in?"

Arjun steps aside to let her in, silently. It irks Ayna a bit, but at least he hasn't slammed the door in her face or kicked her out. That should count as something.

Walking past him, she steps into the living room. For the first time in her life she feels completely dislocated in this place, even if she remembered every detail about it perfectly, and all bad and good memories alike came flooding at her. She fidgets nervously, wondering if it would ever feel like home again.

"Ahem". The sound of Arjun clearing his throath breaks her from her reverie, prompting her to turn around. He's standing  at the other side of the room, arms crossed and expression unreadable.

"I, hmm... Thank you for letting me in."

Arjun limits himself to nodding in agreement.

"I wanted to also thank you for going through with the surgery."

"Well, Miss Monroe made a strong case about it. She truly is a politician's daughter, buttering up is in her blood."

So it took mentioning Kennedy for him to actually talk. That relieved and worried Ayna. Kennedy was her favorite subject these days but she was also the reason for her agitation. "Ah, yes. She said she visited you. She truly is wonderful with words." And try as she might, Ayna can't help the somber expression from coming to her face as she talked about Kennedy.

And of course Arjun would pick up on that. "How are you two doing?"

"We're ok."

"That was... enthusiastic. Are you sure about that?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"I would've thought, after everything, you'd know better than to lie to me."

Ouch. "I'm not lying to you."

"Deflecting, withholding, lying. What's the difference?"

Ayna opened her mouth to retort but nothing came out of it. There was no point in arguing, not when Arjun came close to the truth. She looks down, trying to think of a way of voicing her internal struggles, but she couldn't even begin to sort them out. Arjun used to be her place of comfort and there rarely was any silence between them. Right now, though, the silence was deafening.

It was Arjun who broke it. "Would you like something to drink? How about some tea?"

...

Being busy with preparing tea provided a small reprieve for both daughter and father to collect their thoughts. This conversation was a long time coming, and it should be treated as carefully as possible. Neither wanted it to end badly.

"Not the best tea in the world, but it'll have to do." Arjun offers, moving to a small kitchen table and pulling a chair out for Ayna. She follows his lead, sitting down and taking her own cup to her lips. They spend a few seconds sipping silently, and it may or may not have helped soothe them somewhat with memories of other times they did just the same. 

"Are you ready to tell me now why are you really here?"

When she takes more than two seconds to respond, Arjun shifts on his seat nervously. "It's five in the morning, Ayna. You didn't come here just to sulk. Be respectful and at least tell me why you had to wake me up instead of coming at an appropriate hour.”

Another small pause comes by, and as Arjun shakes his head and moves to to stand up, Ayna finally speaks up. "We had a fight earlier tonight."

He relax his posture a little, adjusting himself back into a comfortable position. "By the look on your face, it must have been serious."

"Not on its own. But the implications are."

“You’ll have to elaborate on that.”

“There were no breaking things, calling names, doors banging..." She trails off, placing both her elbows on the table and resting her head in her hands. "But she basically said things aren’t working.”

“Does that surprise you? I’m surprised it’s lasting for so long.”

“Wow," Ayna gasps, her face the picture of disbelief and confusion. It is her turn to stand up now, and she does so wondering what was it that she expected.  "Thanks, I guess?”

But Arjun was having none of it.“Sit back down," he scolds, his voice commanding as he grabbed her wrist to stop her from leaving. "Self-serving is not a good look on you.” She does as she's instructed, but not without defending herself. "I'm not trying to be self-serving."

"Yet I haven't heard a proper apology from you." 

"You didn't exactly gave me a chance."

"Ah, there it is again. So it's my fault you haven't apologized to me?" 

"I-..." Realization dawns on her at that moment, and as Kennedy's voice rings in her head, she finally understands what it is that the woman was trying to tell her. "Try not to make this about you."

Have I been doing it this whole time? It’s a question that goes over and over through Ayna's mind as she tries to process what her dad had just said. Of course Kennedy would be mad, or at least disappointed with her. Instead of helping her girlfriend cope with what would have been not only a traumatic experience but also a huge blow to her sense of worth and self-esteem, Ayna had been so wrapped up in her own guilt she was probably smothering Kennedy with it. And she saw now she was doing that to her dad as well.

"Did you ever stop to think about how I would feel?" Arjun’s voice pierces through the air in a demanding tone, leaning forward over the table, nearly invading Ayna’s personal space. “Look at me when I am talking to you.”

"Dad, I thought about it all the time,” she manages to say weakly, trying to focus her gaze on him, a million different thoughts clouding her vision.

"You didn't give me a say on any of it. I was the one sick, it should have been my choice. You made me a traitor, a corrupt man taking dirty money without my knowing it."

"I'm so sorry, dad,” she hangs her head, unable to keep looking at him. “I was desperate at the time, I didn't know what else to do."

The moment she saw him get up from his chair, she knew her answer wasn’t enough to soothe him. She feared he would just walk away from the conversation, but after a few seconds of pacing, he stops in front of her. “Do you realize you got off lucky? Of all the the possible outcomes, you got lucky,” he inquires, voice half accusatory and half concerned.

"I know that."

"Do you really?”, he shakes his head exasperated, like he was not really believing what he just heard. “Do you think about the implications it would have beyond you and me? What if President Monroe’s reputation had been really damaged? The peace summit wouldn’t have passed, she would have lost the election to Lewis Wright and he would have driven Rutherland into war!”

As his voice had progressively raised the more he kept listing possible outcomes, Ayna couldn’t help being annoyed at feeling like he was treating her like a child. She abruptly gets up herself, her previous shy and ashamed demeanor forgotten, replaced by a challenging one. “How could I have possibly known that was their intention?!”

“I raised you to be smarter than that. You can’t say you never once wondered why someone would wish to cause a scandal during election time. Stop lying to yourself.”

Ayna was ready to retort, feeling angrier by the minute, but Arjun raises his hand, indicating she was not to talk. She clenches her jaw instead, biting her tongue.

“Don’t say you did it for me because I don’t accept it,” he takes a deep breath before returning his attention to her. “I want to hear the truth this time. Why did you do it?”

Something inside of her snapped. She wasn’t sure what was it exactly, but it might have had something to do with the implication she has been telling nothing but lies. "Because I didn’t want to lose you, ok? You were everything I had left! I couldn’t just sit by and watch you die." She snorts, letting out all her frustration with it. Inside of her, every emotion she fought hard to control started resurfacing, and she couldn't keep tracking them down.

"Dad, I couldn't bear the thought of you in pain. You did so much for me and I hated, I hated so much that I couldn't find a way to help you. I tried everything and nothing worked. Nothing fucking worked. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Her voice getting thinner by each spoken word, she finishes her sentence in what sounded like a mere whisper. She starts crying all at once, like the floodgates had just taken more than they could handle for much too long. "I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for lying to you. For making you go against everything you believed and not even letting you know. I'm sorry, dad, I'm so sorry."

And when she thought she had finally reached her breaking point, she feels Arjun's arms enveloping her in a fierce hug, raising her up, and she could do nothing but hold on to him.

"Please don't hate me forever."

"I don't hate you, beta, I could never hate you."

"Can you forgive me, dad? For what I did? And what I became?"

"What have you become, child? You're still fundamentally the woman you have always been. You wronged me when you lied, but you owned up to your mistake. I forgive you. Forgive yourself, beta."

"Dad..."

"Meri jaan, you are my most precious gift. I'm sorry I ever made you feel anything else." Arjun moved to wipe Ayna's tears away, and she felt like she couldn't be in a safer place. "The day you were born, I vowed to always love you. The day your mom passed away, I vowed to always protect you. This is my job, Ayna, not yours. I'm sorry you ever felt like you had to protect me."

"You are my dad. I would anything for you."

"Not anything. Don't  ruin your chances of happiness because of me. I would never want you to do that." Moving his hands to take hold of his daughter's, Arjun speaks softly, "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself."

"Khalil Gibran."

"So you remember it. 'You may house their bodies, but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow. Life goes not backwards nor tarries with yesterday.'"

"Don't talk like you're yesterday."

"Not yet, but I will be one day and that's how it should be. You're fiercely loyal, Ayna, it's one of your best qualities. That's why you went so far to protect me, and that is also why you confessed to me, wasn't it? It was about time you shifted that loyalty to someone else."

"Dad..."

"You didn't confess because of me, you did it because of her. You are so loving, beta, and you found someone as loving as you are. Let yourself be loved in return."

...

Being that conversation such na emotional one, Ayna felt spent. After some more reassuring from her dad that he loved her and forgived her, he convinced her to get some rest back in what used to be her room. It was 09:30 am when she woke up, and she would've felt like she was dragging her own dead body around if it wasn't for the smell of absolute comfort she was getting.

"You're making kachori?"

Arjun was standing in the middle of the kitchen, spatula in hand, a plate full of fried kachoris on the side.

"I thought I'd treat you this morning. You have always liked kachoris when you're sad."

"Thank you, dad," Ayna pulls a stool back and sits down, quickly digging into the food.

“Why don’t you take some to Kennedy?”

“I don’t know, I’m not sure she wants to hear from me yet.”

“Then ask her," he states, shoving some goods in a paper bag and giving Ayna. "And don't forget to get her some flowers. Use all that charm of yours."

Ayna smiled, her dad's enthusiasm and charisma has always been contagious, and she wished she inherited enough of it. It was time to go get her woman back.

#playchoices #choices: stories you play #ayna seth #ayna x mc #mc x ayna #foreign affairs

[helenarasmussen87]

Just going to write about a few things I've been reading here. Like actual books and BNHA.

MHA 362-365:

This is the arc that broke everyone's minds it feels like. First with Katsuki's death and then with how they're working on bringing him back. As well as the heroes fighting what feels like an unstoppable force and Deku and All Might not being on the field and it feels grim.

Endeavor losing an arm (and Mirko losing another one herself) and Hawks being at their last leg kind of thing, it's kind of like down to the wire.

Could it have been done a bit differently? Possibly. But until the end has been done, I'm not passing judgement. I enjoy it and want to see the end. I haven't got any theories. I just want to see what happens next, sort of thing.

I also know that I will be surprised because I don't know what's going to happen.

These guys have planned things in far advance, like JJK, in which the Mangaka stated that they have Itadori's storyline planned for at least two years. So until I get the entire storyline, I'm just along for the ride. I'm just going to read and enjoy it until I don't or it ends.

I enjoyed Demon Slayer (even though others have said it was rushed. It felt like it ended at the right time, tbh) and I'm enjoying JJK.

And MHA is there also. I want to be entertained and so far, that's what I am.

What I didn't enjoy:

I just finished reading the 9th Outlander book and Jesus bloody fucking hell.

It's bad.

Like I knew there was a reason why I avoided picking up and reading this book even though I owned it since November.

If people want to see a Mickey Mouse story or a series go downhill, here you go. Poorly planned, meandering, pointless chapters, pointless deaths, stupid red herrings and plot twists that were like "Are you fucking kidding me?" on top of lame pairings...This series can have a ton of criticism hurled at it and all would be valid.

I mean people got mad at Edgeshot going in to fix Bakugo. Your woman Claire ends up having healing powers and she just lays her hands on Jamie (Honestly, how many fucking times does this guy have to be on the brink of death before he finally dies?) and he glows blue and he survives. She brings back a stillborn child too.

I wonder how much suspension of disbelief do you need for that one?

Oh and the romantic pairings reminded me of Adventure time Finn forcing two characters to kiss. Like that bad.

It's pointless filler and could have honestly been 400 pages tops instead of nearly 900. So yeah. Those are basically eight hours I never am getting back. That bad.

I also am rolling my eyes every time the English characters are like "Revolution!" or how the Scottish characters didn't go to...Oh I don't know...fucking NOVA SCOTIA?!!??

I also despise how the writer happily pops Indigenous characters in and out like they are dolls so that the white characters can get the spotlight. It's bad.

So yeah.

If anything, MHA, Demon Slayer, and JJK are at least going somewhere decent. Demon Slayer had a decent conclusion.

Outlander on the other hand, is pretty much a flaming dumpster fire at this point.

#my ramblings #reading

[screamin-abt-haikyuu]

You're jealous but you can't do anything because you're not dating him - Part 4

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

Pairings: Ennoshita x Fem! Reader | Atsumu x Fem! Reader

Genre: Angst to Fluff

Warnings: Alcohol and throwing up in Atsumu's scenario

Requested by: Anon (Atsumu) and @duckymcdoorknob (Ennoshita)

A/N: Jumped the queue a bit because I wanted to post this on Atsumu's birthday. Which, as you can see, I failed to do spectacularly. Real life has been a bit hectic so I haven't gotten around to writing much but I'm so glad to finally be putting up something.

Ennoshita Chikara

You often wonder if there is anything that Ennoshita Chikara isn't good at.

Studies? Sports? Creativity? Personality? Looks? You name it, he excels in it.

His recent venture into writing and directing short films has brought about a rapid increase in his popularity as his classmates try to talk him up so that they can grab a role in one of his films.

A role. In his film. Something that he has given to all his close friends.

Except you.

Hell, he has even given Natsu and Saeko, his friends' siblings, important roles in his films.

But you? His best friend? A big fat nada.

He has never even asked you if you want to act. The closest you have come to being a part of his films is when you help the actors with their dialogue rehearsals or sub in for someone who is absent.

Is it because he doesn't think you're pretty enough? Or maybe you performed so poorly at the rehearsals that he thinks you lack the talent for it.

This is a worry that eats away at the back of your mind as you watch your best friend scribble away quickly on a piece of paper, his eyebrows scrunched in concentration.

Ennoshita has been calling his next project one of the most important projects of his life and has been working day and night on writing the perfect script. It will be the film where he finally tries his hand at acting.

"So, what's it about?"

"Hmm?" he replies, barely registering your question

"Your script. The story. What is it about?"

He stops scribbling for a second and looks at you.

"It is...well, it is hard to say. I guess you could call it romantic? I am yet to figure out the ending," he says.

"Well, I'm sure it will be great! I can't wait to read the finished product," you say, smiling at him.

He gives you a soft smile in return and gets back to his script.

"Chikara, have you eaten anything today?"

"No, I am almost done with this part. It needs to be-"

"Perfect. Yeah, yeah, I know but you gotta eat!"

"Don't worry, I will. I'm actually grabbing lunch with Takane. I want to ask her to be a part of my film," he says, not looking up from his paper.

Takane? Takane as the lead actress in his first acting venture? Takane who has never even played a side character in any of his films?

Well, truth be told, she is really, extremely, breathtakingly pretty. With someone as handsome as Ennoshita as her love interest, the two of them would make a really gorgeous onscreen pair.

"Oh. Okay, I'll go have lunch with the others then, I guess."

He just nods his head in response.

You head off to have lunch with Kinoshita and Narita.

"Where's Chikara?" Kinoshita asks as you take your seat next to them.

"He won't be joining us, he is having lunch with Takane."

"Huh? Takane? Why?" Kinoshita asks.

"He said he was going to ask her to act in his film."

"What?! So, that's who he likes?!" Kinoshita exclaims and then yelps as Narita elbows him in the rib.

Likes?!

"What do you mean?" you ask Kinoshita, a bad taste forming in your mouth.

"Uh- nothing!" he says but you can clearly sense that he is hiding something. Narita is also shaking his head beside him.

You narrow your eyes at him. "You know I can tell when you are lying. Out with it!"

"Well... it's just... well... you know that this is a romantic film, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, he wouldn't tell us the name but he said that he was going to ask the girl he likes to play his love interest in the film. A-after confessing to her, of course! He would never do anything shady!"

It is getting harder to swallow your lunch by the second. Thankfully, Narita has swiftly changed the subject and they're now talking about volleyball. He is pretty observant that way and has probably known about your feelings for Ennoshita for a while now. You shoot him a grateful look and he nods knowingly.

He is probably confessing to Takane right at this moment.

You seem to have lost your appetite completely. You simply sit there, idly picking at your lunch with your chopsticks while Kinoshita talks about this new serve he has been practicing.

Just imagining Ennoshita with someone else is making your chest feel like there is a rock on it. What hurts more than that is the thought that you might even lose your best friend.

With his volleyball practices, study sessions and filming sessions, you barely get to spend time together anyway. If he gets a girlfriend on top of that? He will spend all his free time with her.

The thought of losing him entirely...

The bell rings, indicating lunchtime is over. You place the lid back on your barely eaten lunch and walk back to class. Ennoshita walks in a minute later and gives you a smile as he sits on the chair next to you.

"Hey, how was lunch?" you ask him, trying to fake a smile back.

"It was good. She agreed to come onboard almost instantly!" he says.

"Of course, she did. Who wouldn't?" you say, trying to hide the fact that you are tearing up by pretending to search for something in your bag.

"Well, I wasn't sure she would. But I'm happy it all worked out in the end."

"I'm glad things came together the way you wanted them to." At this point, you are straining hard to keep your voice from cracking, "You two will look very good together."

"What?-"

His response is cut short by the arrival of the teacher right then. You spend the entire period blinking back tears. You can feel Ennoshita glancing at you worriedly from time to time but you avoid his gaze and just stare at your book.

You feel a tap on your shoulder and you look to the side to find Ennoshita holding out a bunch of pages towards you. You take them from him and recognize that it is the script of his new movie.

You hide the pages behind your book and silently read the story. It is clearly supposed to be a romantic story and starts off with the hero falling for the heroine. As you progress through the story, you can't help but feel like you know it. You keep on reading until it suddenly dawns on you.

These characters... this story... it is your story!

It is the story of you and Ennoshita! How you met, how you became friends, everything that has happened till now. Some of the events have been twisted and fluffed up a little for the sake of the film but there is no doubt in your mind that this story is about you.

You look at Ennoshita, your mouth wide open in surprise. He is looking at you apprehensively.

The bell rings at that moment again and the teacher and most of the students walk out of the classroom to enjoy the 5 minute break before the next period starts.

"Chikara... this... this story... I-"

"I told you I still need to figure out the ending."

"But... what about Takane?"

He frowns. "What about her?"

"Didn't you ask her to be the heroine of the film?"

"What? No! I said I want her to be a part of the film. But not as an actress. She paints really well so I wanted her to paint the sets we would be using."

Relief floods through you as you realize that this was all just a misunderstanding.

"I know this might be really, extremely cheesy but I wanted to do something special for you. It's also why I haven't asked you to act in any of my other films. I wanted this to be your first one. You have...just been so incredible and I spent a lot of nights wondering how I could show you how much you mean to me. And, well, immortalizing our bond on film seemed like a good idea to me. O-only if you want to, of course!"

You start to tear up again. He pulls his chair closer to you, the apprehension clearly written on his face.

"So?" he asks, his voice almost a whisper, "Does the hero get a happy ending?"

You smile at him and lean towards him so that your foreheads are resting against each other.

"Yes. He gets a very happy ending."

MIYA ATSUMU

Even at a party like this, where you are surrounded by a sea of handsome college boys, your eyes just keep making their way to where Miya Atsumu is.

As you watch him chat happily with who seems like the 200th person tonight, you can't help but wonder how you ever managed to become friends with someone like Atsumu. He seems so in his element here, talking to all these strangers like he's known them forever. Whereas you? You are just standing awkwardly in a corner with a drink in your hand that you are yet to take a sip of.

You blame him for this. You had never wanted to come here in the first place. You know how these college parties always turn out to be. But, how could you have said no when Atsumu had made those puppy eyes at you and begged you to come with him to the party?

"Y/N! Hey! You came! It is so nice to see you!" a smiling girl approaches you. It is Yumehara Ayumi, the host of today's party and one of the prettiest girls in your college.

You greet her in return and exchange a few pleasantries. The fact that you are standing here alone and feeling awkward does not go unnoticed by her and she drags you away to play truth and dare with her friends. Even though you aren't particularly inclined to play, you feel grateful to her for making efforts to make you feel included. It also does not seem like Atsumu will get free from talking to other people any time soon so you agree to join the group but only as a spectator.

As you follow Ayumi, Atsumu looks at you and smiles when he sees you've found someone to talk to. He winks at you and goes back to talking to his friend.

The game starts and it goes as one would expect it to, full of insanely inappropriate questions and embarrassing dares that make you feel thankful that you're just spectating and not playing. You do learn a lot of interesting facts about your classmates, though.

"Ayu-chan! it's your turn now. What do you pick, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Ayumi smiles and winks at her friend. The friend's face lights up with a knowing smile.

"I dare you to kiss a hot guy of your choice."

Didn't Ayumi have a boyfriend? You wonder as you have seen the two of them around campus until quite recently.

You look around and you spot him standing somewhere behind Atsumu, talking to someone. Watching Ayumi walk in that direction, you are sure that she is going to kiss who you already thought was her boyfriend.

Why did she stop walk- Oh no.

You watch with growing dread as she comes up behind Atsumu and taps him on the shoulder, smiling sweetly at him when he turns to look at her.

"Oh-ho-ho, power move!" Ayumi's friend chirps gleefully beside you.

Your curiosity overtakes your awkwardness and you ask her what she means.

"You know Yoichi? Her ex-boyfriend?"

"Yeah."

"They'd been together for two months and he dumped her just because she said that she thinks Atsumu is hot as a joke."

"Damn, that's rough."

"Yeah, she was heartbroken for a long time. But look at our girl now! She is walking away with that very man in front of Yoichi's eyes. Talk about a power move!" the friend says, proudly.

You watch as Ayumi takes Atsumu's hand in hers and leads him away from the scene. Both of them are smiling at each other as they go inside a room and she closes the door behind her.

Why did they shut the door for a kiss?!

You suddenly feel sick. Even though you have only had half of your drink, your stomach is churning like crazy and you are sure you will throw up any minute.

Thankfully, Ayumi's friend has gone back to playing and you're free to slip away without anyone noticing.

Tears stream down your face as you run back to your hostel room. You knew you should never have come here. You only came because of him. And now, he is with Ayumi, doing God-knows-what behind closed doors. The thought makes your stomach lurch and you bolt straight into the toilet to hurl whatever little you had at the party.

It takes a while before you finally stop throwing up and even longer before you stop crying and shaking. Too exhausted to do anything else, you brush your teeth and get ready for bed.

Your phone starts vibrating in your pocket and you take it out to see that Atsumu is calling you. You just stare at the screen until the call ends. The screen lights up again with text notifications.

Atsumu: Oi! Where are you? I can't find you.

Atsumu: I looked everywhere.

Atsumu: Did you leave?!

You sigh and text him back.

You: I got bored so I left. Don't worry, I'm back in my room.

Atsumu: Come back.

You: No, I'm tired. You enjoy!

Atsumu: Please.

You: Atsumu. I'm tired and I have to finish my assignment before tomorrow's submission.

Atsumu: If you don't come back here, I'll come to your room.

You: ?? It is a girl's hostel, you're not allowed to come here.

Atsumu: I'll find a way.

You: Can we please not do this right now? You know so many people there. It is not like you need me anyway.

Atsumu: Fine.

You put your phone away and wipe your wet cheeks again. You are exhausted but you know sleep won't come easy so you just lie down and stare at your ceiling, your head swirling with thoughts.

Atsumu can be so frustrating at times. Why does he want you there? Especially now that Ayumi...

A sharp knock at the door pulls you from your thoughts.

No. Not at the door. The sound came from the opposite direction.

"Atsumu! What the hell!" you shout as you spot Atsumu hanging off the ledge of your window.

You rush to open the window and he pulls himself up easily.

"This is the first floor! ARE YOU CRAZY?! What is wrong with you?!" you scold him, your heartbeat going a million miles an hour.

"Do you realize how badly you could have hurt yourself- STOP SMILING THIS ISN'T FUNNY- do you even realize how dangerous this was?"

"And you said I don't need you. Who else would scold me like this for being an idiot?" he says, still smiling at you.

His statement gives you pause. Why is he looking at you like that?

"What are you talking about?" you ask, your brows still furrowed with annoyance.

"In your text. You said I don't need you. When, in reality, I only need you," he says, his gaze soft.

Your eyes widen in surprise as his words sink in.

"W-what? Is this a joke?"

"No."

"But- the party- Ayumi..." your voice trails off as his smile turns into a smirk.

He grabs you by your arms and gently pulls you closer to him.

"That, my dear, sweet Y/N, was just an act. She wanted to kiss me in front of her ex to make him jealous. She's my friend so I wanted to help her. But I also didn't want to kiss anyone that wasn't you so I suggested we just make it look like we were up to something."

You cannot believe your ears. Is this real? Or did Miya Atsumu just confess he has feelings for you?

"S-so. You didn't kiss her?"

"No. You're the only one I want to kiss."

Heat starts rising in your cheeks as you voice out what you're thinking.

"Then do it," you whisper, a shy smile lighting up your face.

He chuckles and pulls you in closer.

"Yes, ma'am," he whispers before pressing his soft, warm lips against yours.

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[vad-hander]

Wicked Games

pairing: Taeyong x reader

genre: series, angst, fuff, smut, toxic relationship AU, college AU

warnings: drinking, strangers to lovers, mentions of depression, mentions of death, pregnancy, Taeyong is toxic

words: 10.4k

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6

***

You got out of the car, feeling Taeyong’s hand over your shoulder. He guided you, helping you walk as if there was more than one road or as if you didn’t know the way. You could see lights get visible in front of you, trying to remember if you never noticed they were here before. Taeyong’s fingers held onto your shoulder tighter when you stopped walking, staring at the scenery.

“I know I did everything wrong with the proposal. I should’ve done it all as a surprise in the first place… But I thought, this will make it even a bigger surprise, since you know, you’re not expecting much from me now…” he spoke quietly into your shoulder, pushing you carefully to walk with his fingers.

“Taeyong.” you gasped, closing your mouth with your hands. Your eyes ran over the pierce, the pierce you knew so well and visited so many times. The pierce that now was unrecognisable to your eyes with all those fairy lights, a tent that was just the perfect size for two and a table with food, that you could see now that you ran to the tents entrance. “What is all this?” you raised your eyes to him, feeling like you could as well cry. Your heart felt full, you didn’t know if it was a bad thing you felt this overwhelmed over this arrangement or if this was a normal reaction.

“I tried to be sweet and romantic… Did it not work out? Please don’t cry, I’m sorry if I ruined your expectations once again.” he chewed on his lower lip.

“What are you saying?” you run up to him, wrapping your hands over his neck. “I love you and the fact that you just tried for me, it all that matters.” you pecked his lips.

“So it is bad.” he chuckled, pulling his face away.

“No, it’s beautiful.” you sighed, turning around once again.

“I thought… it’s the place I took you to on our first formal date, it’s the place I realised you are meant to be my companion in life. I love you, and even though I don’t show it, and in all those years I did so many messed up things. Starting up with filming those videos without asking…” He paused and you felt ache in your heart, you hated the fact he brought it up “Playing with your heart with all those things I did with Yoona… I started poorly because I thought making you hurt will make you love me more… I never knew before I met you that love isn’t based on pain, you showed me that you can love someone without making them hurt. You always loved me, through all those years, you never hurt me once, you cared for me and more importantly you bared with me, I love you so much, I don’t know ways to show it, but I know for sure that I want you with me for the rest of our life’s. Your the best thing that happened in my life, and even though I know that I’m not the best thing in your life, and I’m actually glad I’m not, I still found the courage of asking you…” he paused, and got on one knee, making you take a step back in surprise. “Of asking you to be my wife. Now even more seriously and officially than before, will you marry me, Y/n?” he asked, making your brain stop working. He smoothly got the box with the ring from his front pocket, opening and making you blind with the diamonds bling. You nodded, wiping tears that began flooding your face since the second he began speaking.

“I will, Taeyong, I told you this before, and I’ll say this again. I will marry you.” you nodded happily, and he stood up, walking closer to you. You felt his fingers wrap around yours, pulling them up to get the ring onto your finger. You felt so excited you were about to burst, feeling how the nausea rolled back up to your throat. He placed the ring on your finger, kissing your lips sweetly afterwards.

“Thank you.” He sighed, resting his forehead against yours.

“For what?” you chuckled.

“For giving me a chance to have a happy life.”

“Taeyong, baby, we are living it right now.”

“I know, but it’s not always like that. I’ve made myself a promise I won’t hurt you, if I won’t make it I’ll probably get rid of myself.”

“Don’t say that.” you furrowed your eyebrows, pecking his lips. “How can I live my life without you?”

“Right.” he chuckled. “Want to lie down? You said you didn’t feel well. I’m sorry I still dragged you here, I just prepared everything, didn’t want it to get ruined.”

“I’m actually glad you forced me here.” you smiled and sat down. “Are we going to sleep here?”

“If you want to.”

“I’m not sure I won’t regret it tomorrow.” you ran your eyes over the tent “What’s in that bag?” you crawled over to it.

“Things I thought you mind need if we’ll stay here.” he sat down in front of the tent, watching you run through the bag.

“And you always say…” you gave him your hand, and he helped you to get out of it. “That you’re bad at this and that…” Your fingers ran over his shoulders. “But then you’re doing everything for me.” You locked your hands over his neck, feeling his fingers get into your waist. “You’re the best-best.” you pecked his lips quickly. “Maybe a little grumpy, but best.” you smiled cheekily.

“Just a tiny bit grumpy.” he nodded and leaned in to kiss you.

“Yeah, the tiniest.” you whispered through the kiss.

-

“Want to swim?” Taeyong’s finger ran over your neck while you were laying with your back on his feet. You opened your eyes, smiling at him.”

“Reminds me of something.”

“This time I’ll swim with you.” he smirked “I even brought swimming suit for you. It’s in the bag.” you sat up, getting your face in front of his.

“This time, I don’t need it.” you shook your head no, extending your hand to pull the hoodie off him. Taeyong carefully took your clothes off, unclasping your bra. You stood up, taking his hand in yours to pull him to stand too.

“On the count of 3, okay?” Taeyong’s hand held yours strongly.

“Okay.” you nodded, flexing your fingers over his.

“One, two, three.” you jumped, getting a full mouth of water. “You okay?” he chuckled, swimming closer to you and holding your head in his hands. You coughed, not giving him a proper answer.

-

“I can’t anymore.” he sighed tiredly, when you tried to make him pull you for a boost. “If I knew you’re full of ideas on how to play in the water, I would’ve stayed on the ground.” he breathed heavily, pulling himself out of the water.

“Taeyongie!” you whined, swimming behind him. “10 more minutes?” you made a cute face expression, but he had no reaction. “5?” you rested your chin against his knee.

“Not even one.” he protested and you raised your hands for him to pull you out. Taeyong’s hands wrapped around your waist, forcing for yours to wrap around his neck. You heard a heavy sigh when he actually pulled you, dropping his back on the dock afterwards.

“I love you.” you sighed, kissing his lips, not letting go of Taeyong.

“I do love you too. Do you need a towel?”

“It’s fine.” you kissed him once again, resting your head against his chest.

-

“You know… the thing my mom called about today… I didn’t tell you yet.” he coughed nervously, and you raised your head that was resting against his chest to see him properly. Lights from fire that was burning in front of you were drawing lines all over his face.

“She said it was about papers and your father’s will.”

“It is… she want’s me to give it all to her, and if I won’t do it myself she’ll make me do it one way or another.”

“Do you really want the money from your father that badly you want to fight for it?”

“No, I don’t need it, but we do. On top of that, if my dad wanted the money to stay with me, I guess it should stay with me…” he paused and ran his fingers through your fingertips “He spoke to me… before he died… I guess he knew he’ll pass away soon…” you raised your head, trying to understand where Taeyong was leading this. “I just didn’t understand that’s what he tried to say…” you looked him in the eyes, giving him time to get himself together. “The wife thing he came up with was based off his will. He said I need to get married as soon as possible so when he dies the money will go to me and my wife. Initially he wanted it to be when his grandchild turns 18… but that’s a little extreme and well… it’s not like I wanted to plan kids? Wife in general wasn’t something I planned. I didn’t realise he was serious until now when mom began pushing this. He never wanted money to get in her hands, one thing I know for sure.”

“Why…?”

“Because she’s always been here because of it, dad just didn’t want her to win, whatever this means. Maybe she’s the one that killed him? I have no clue, and honestly, it don’t matter to me. I just want to do as he wished, for the first and last time in my life, I guess this will be right.”

“And… what are you going to do?” you felt heavy, moving away to not touch him. The proposal seemed so sudden because it was actually unexpected for him too…?

“When we’ll get married, I’ll give it all to you.”

“Won’t she ask me to sign papers to give it to her?”

“No, I’m pretty sure that’ll be impossible.”

“I hope this will work out… If that’s what you want.” you still wanted to ask about the marriage but didn’t know how to start.

“If it won’t work out I’m sure she’ll let you live when she won’t be able to reach me.”

“You mean we’ll move?” you asked him confused.

“No… not really this. I’ll tell you, if it’ll be needed.”

“No, tell me now since you started already.”

“Do you think you’d ever be able to love someone else if I won’t be here?” he asked suddenly.

“What?”

“Imagine if I die tomorrow, do you think you’ll be able to move on one day?”

“What? Why are you asking this? What is this supposed to mean?” you furrowed your eyebrows, feeling tears prickle your eyes.

“If we ever won’t be able to be together for whatever reason, I hope you’ll meet someone who will love you like you deserve it. Who will make you happy more than I did, who will care for you more than I did, if that’s possible, who will love you more than I do.”

“Why are you saying all this?” You sobbed, not understanding. “Are you going to propose and break up with me all in one day?” you asked confused, wiping your tears.

“No, I’m just saying. Anything could happen, it’s life.” he reached out to you, pulling you to lay against his chest. You wrapped your hands around his neck, sobbing lightly into his hoodie.

“I wouldn’t.” you whispered 10 minutes later, hugging him tighter.

“Huh?”

“I would never fall in love with anyone else. You’re the one I love. You’re my one true love. I’m not going to let you go even if you’ll want to. And nothing could ever happen, because god wouldn’t take my soulmate from me. He wouldn’t leave me suffer alone for the rest of my life, because he knows you’re the only one.” you felt Taeyong push to lay flat, wrapping himself over you. You lied down, listening to each other’s breathing and nature, eventually falling asleep.

-

“Fuck, baby, are you okay?” you heard Taeyong crawl from the tent too, reaching out to rub your back.

“Yeah.” you nodded, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand when you finally stopped throwing up.

“Did I poison you?” he looked like he was sorry already.

“No, I don’t think so…” you sighed, feeling Taeyong’s hands pull you in for a hug. “What time is it?”

“6am.” he rubbed your forearms. “We can go home now, get McDonalds breakfast on our way back.”

“Yeah.” you nodded excitedly. “And can we go to pharmacy, I need to take something just in case.”

“Yup.” he nodded his head, letting go of you. You watched him pack your things, helping him quickly, being excited to finally feel your favourite food in your stomach.

“I’ll be quick.” Taeyong suggested going to pharmacy himself, leaving you one on one with the hashbrowns, pecking your lips. Debating whether you should eat one secretly or not, you felt the door open again, lifting your eyes to meet Taeyong with a bag in his hands.

“That was indeed quick.” you chuckled. “What you got me? I’ll take the pill now.” you expanded your hand.

“I got something better.”

“Huh?” you said confused. Taeyong’s hand reached inside of the bag, laying on your palm a pregnancy test. “Huh?” you repeated yourself.

“Remember how you forgot the pill at home when we went away for the weekend… and now you’ve been feeling sick and even threw up, I think you’re pregnant baby.” you looked him in the eyes. How could he make such an assumption before you could even think of it?

-

“So…? Is it done?” he looked at you expectantly when you opened the door of the bathroom. He looked nervous.

“Didn’t I tell you I won’t do it.”

“But why? We have to check this option just in case.”

“Even if we need to, pregnancy tests need to be done first thing in the morning.”

“It’s still early?” he said shifting his eyes to the clock on the wall.

“Taeyong, I’m just sick.” you shook your head, walking in his direction. Taeyong caught you with his hands, forcing to sit on his lap and then lie in his arms, when he laid back himself.

“What would you want to call our baby.” he cooed you like you were one.

“TY, didn’t I say already?”

“Wah, you only called me TY once and you were extremely pissed that time, so I guess you are now too?” he chuckled and ran his fingers over your cheek.

“I am.” you said simply.

“And what if you are actually pregnant? How are you going to earn my forgiveness?” Taeyong’s fingers ran through your hair, brushing the tips of them against your cheek as if they were a brush.

“I don’t want a baby. I don’t want to be pregnant, not after what you said. I don’t want a baby so you could get revenge on your mother. I don’t.”

“The fact you missed a pill has nothing to do with me and my mother. I only feel excited because it’s exciting. I have nothing against being a father. I know for sure I can be a better father than a boyfriend.”

“Taeyong…” you sighed and moved to lay next to him. “I’m tired, let’s sleep a little.”

“Y/n, please. Isn’t it like the first time in forever when we just talk? Not fighting but being nice? I can’t stop thinking how everything I did to you since day one was just led by my cruelty. I really do not have any sense in anything that goes under the topic of relationships, like at all. I just thought getting married, having an actual family would make you happy. I was thinking I’ll be happy if I’ll have a real family. Somewhere I can go back to after work and actually feel at ease. You’re giving me this feeling. No one else made me feel at ease and at home ever in my life.”

“Taeyong, stop. You’re making me sad.” you turned onto your side with your back to him.

“I’m always making you either sad, angry or disappointed. I’ll never understand why you’re still with me.” you felt his lips on your shoulder.

“Maybe because I have zero self respect.”

“It’s not true.”

“It is the reason, Taeyong. I shouldn’t have talked to you ever since you slept with Yoona for the first time. I just shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t, because you paid attention to me, so it was a given, that I’ll be doing anything and everything you wanted me to. It’s been this way ever since, I always come to you and honestly don’t even I understand myself, but then I remember, remember that I love you and will never be able to love someone else. I just feel it, I feel that I would never set my eyes on anyone except for you. It’s been this way and it will always be, not after everything we went through. Everything you put me through. I don’t want to have a baby only because I think sometimes that I can’t anymore. There’s only so much one person can take, and I feel like I’m up there.” you raised your hand, stopping it next to your nose. “I’m up there and I swear to god if you didn’t stop at one point you probably would’ve found my dead body somewhere in the corner of our bathroom. But you stopped, you just snapped out of it the way you do it when you want to. I know, I know all of it, you’re trying, I’m here because I want to be here, but I know, I just have this gut feeling everything will turn to hell soon. I thought maybe you’ll be fine after your father died, no more pressure, no more dealing with him, but now your mom is here and you really are planning to confront her. I’m not here to judge, I’m not here to tell you not to, I’m just saying that I don’t want a baby if it’ll turn to hell.”

“I know you’re right. You always are.”

“I’m not saying this to be right.” you turned your head to face him. “Taeyong, please. Promise me you’ll do what I’ll ask you to right now? Please?” your hands touched his cheeks and you felt his fingers above yours in a second. Yours were freezing in comparison to Taeyong’s.

“Tell me what it is first, I’ll try my very best to do what you want me to.”

“No, you have to promise first you’ll do it for me.”

“Now that youre insisting this much I can’t promise it. If I will and won’t be able to do it I’ll be the liar once again.”

“You’ll be able to do it, I swear. Do you love me?”

“I do, you know I do love you.”

“Then let’s move somewhere else. Promise we’ll move to another country. Please?”

“Y/n…”

“You don’t need this job, we can give the money your dad left to charity. We can just pack the things we’ll need at first and move. Taeyong please, everything will be great when we’ll get away from here. Do you want to live in England? Japan? US? It doesn’t matter as long as it’s not here. I heard Europe is very beautiful. We can just move to a small European country and get married, have a baby. It’s all possible, Taeyong. Let’s start it all over again, just you and me, please?”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to.”

“Why?” you knew from the beginning he won’t agree.

“I can’t just drop everything I have.”

“I don’t have anything in this life except for you.”

“I know, baby. I don’t have anything too, but…” you raised your hand towards him.

“You have. You have a whole fucking company you’re running, you have your mother, who tries her best to get into your life.”

“I have all of it because of you.”

“No. It’s because of you, because you actually love it there now, right?”

“It’s not about loving it there, I just feel more powerful, they’re probably watching me closely and I shouldn’t speak to anyone but I just want to do anything I want to for the rest of my life.”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” you nodded and moved your body in bed to get in a better sleeping position.

“Don’t be upset, please. Didn’t we have an amazing weekend? We bought you the ring. Shouldn’t we start thinking about our wedding?” he mumbled under his breath.

“No.”

“What?” you could feel him move behind you with your body. “Answer.” his fingers lightly touched your shoulder.

“We shouldn’t start thinking about our wedding.” you crooked your neck to see him.

“Huh?” he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Just do anything you want to do for the rest of your life.” you blinked and laid back down.

“Oh, I’m sure someone is pregnant. You’re even more fussy than you usually are.”

-

“Hi, baby. Are you any better?“ Taeyong entered the hospital room you stayed in. His presence didn’t make you feel any better and for the slightest second you caught yourself being mad that he even came.

Actually, you caught yourself hating on his presence once too many times since the day you finally took the test.

The next day after your nauseous morning you felt the same once again and the fear occupied your brain. The ugly feeling in your chest of not wanting a small humanbeing in your relationship stung worse than a bee and before hating on yourself for what you assumed later was simply having brain, you took the pregnancy test Taeyong bought you and threw it away with shaking hands when you saw the result, doing everything that is possible to leave it unrecognisable in case the test somehow gets in Taeyong’s hands.

While your brain knew you needed days to process and decide first of all with your own self what you wanted to do, your body had completely different plans. It seemed like someone flipped the switch inside of you the moment you saw the test, or maybe it was just coincidence and you were bound to vomiting your insides out 20 hours a day, but either way you were feeling a tiny bit worn out in a couple of weeks. Taeyong noticed your weight loss and tiredness in no time but the whole ‘ I’m upset with your words’ agenda kept him off the right track, or so you thought it did. Turned out he really was more attentive and caring towards you than you thought, tricking you with a surprise into the doctors office in a couple of weeks. You couldn’t pick up if he thought you were sick for whatever reason or if he taught you were sick because you were pregnant but the doctor examined you completely, taking the blood test for everything there possibly is. Even though you begged the doctor to give results to you, and by the way, he even asked you to leave your phone number and e-mail, you knew he was shitting you the moment in a couple of days after Taeyong stormed into the living room a few hours after he left for work.

“You knew you’re pregnant right? you just didn’t want me to know?“ You were sitting on the couch with your back to him, trying to understand if he was more upset or angry. Sudden feeling of betrayal hit you right in your chest. It was just a doctor at the hospital Taeyong forced you to, but the way he smiled you in the face and said ‘don’t worry darling, I’ll make sure I’ll send them to you’ made you kinda sick now. Now you had to deal with this adding up to all the shit surrounding you and you sighed in reply. “You don’t want to look at me maybe?“ You could hear Taeyong’s voice get closer. It just felt wrong, everything felt wrong and you shut your laptop loudly, throwing it to lay next to you on the couch.

This wasn’t meant to be another thing you two fought about but the fucking doctor-

You caught yourself getting mad and sighed again. You should’ve went to the doctor, should’ve brought back something to Taeyong that he could’ve seen and get excited. Not get dragged to a crazily expensive hospital instead of the surprise he promised. This made you feel even worse. He couldn’t even do things properly, he couldn’t even let you have enough space to get in control of your body and make your mind up to tell him you were pregnant. He just made you feel terrible about yourself. The doctor probably thought you were a random whore a rich guy brought to check up for STI’s and shit before hooking up with her, and it made you even more sick than you were feeling already. Realisation that the truth was even worse however, made you feel even more sick than before.

“I’m your doll, right? My body belongs to you, everything that relates to me belongs to you, right? That’s why you took me to that fucking hospital against my will and that’s why the fucking doctor you paid lied to me and all of this is fucking disgusting, Taeyong. I wanted to tell you myself, I wanted to come to inner peace with myself and then tell you, but you just couldn’t. I tend to forget sometimes that I live in a see-through plastic box under CCTV 24/7.“ you jumped up from the couch to face him.

“What plastic box are you talking about?“ Confusion in Taeyong’s eyes made you roll yours unconsciously. “I didn’t come here to fight, Y/n.”

“Why did you come here then?”

“Because I got a call from the hospital. They say you should get checked up, weight los can be serious when you have a baby inside.”

“Huh?” you raised your eyebrows at him. The softness in his voice made you confused. You felt like you’re turning into a psycho with those mood swings of his.

“I came home because I want us to go see a doctor that will check up on our baby, and you too. I can’t believe you’re actually pregnant. You knew, right?”

“I did.” you lowered your eyes onto your hands.

“It’s fine, babe. I know you probably were trying to come up with the way you’ll tell me.”

“Yeah.” you nodded and sank into the couch.

“What you said earlier… about the box… it’s not true. I’m not watching you on CCTV 24/7.” he squatted next to you and took your hand in his. Your eyes raised up to look at him.

“Let’s not talk about these things.”

“Will you go to the appointment I made?”

“I will.”You nodded.

“Good… it’s in an hour.”

“Okay, I’ll go change clothes.” Taeyong nodded vigorously and stood up watching you.

“Taeyong…” you stood up too and stared at his chest building up courage. “I don’t know… I don’t know if I want to keep that baby… right now…I don’t think we’re… I doubt we’ll be good parents. We can’t even…” you gulped and stopped. Probably saying that you two couldn’t even make your relationship work was cruel even for you. “We’re not really ready to be parents, you know that, right?” you raised your eyes at Taeyong, who seemed to turn off all of his emotions. His eyes were completely blank and you went to change clothes and next thing you know, you’re hospitalised with Hyperemesis Gravidarum due to weight loss and dehydration. They promised to not keep you there for long, but it’s been a week since you began getting nutrients and fluids via intravenous line. You wondered at times if this was really necessary or it was Taeyong’s money that made you stay here long enough for whatever. Getting a deal done with his mom? Cheating? Just enjoying loneliness? With the way his brain worked you could never know what he was up to at the very moment, you just hoped whatever he did would not affect or hurt you.

And now, as every evening since you’ve been here, Taeyong came to check up on you and keep you company.

“No?” he leaned in after you ignored his question and pecked your temple. “How are my babies doing?” he chuckled and caressed your stomach. “Oh, I can hear my baby saying that it’s doing amazing in its mommy’s tummy.” he smiled widely and you couldn’t work out what he was on about. Taeyong sat on your bed, and moved his fingers from your stomach onto your palm. “How is my other baby doing?” he tried to get your attention by squeezing your palm but you looked away.

Your heart ached and you hated yourself. Hated yourself for acting like an inattentive shit, for bringing the mood down now when he really tried hard to be normal.

“Are you still mad at me?” he sighed an let go of you, standing up. He walked towards the window wall, stretching out his body while looking at the Seoul in the night and you ran your eyes over his figure. He wore a hoodie with joggers, letting you know that he was home before he came here. Usually he came straight from the office and left an hour after. The will of asking him why he changed clothes hung up on the tip of your tongue and you swallowed it forcefully to not break down the silence. “I wanted to stay the night here. What you think?”

“Why?”

“I miss you, do you not miss me? Didn’t we get along before you found out you’re pregnant?”

“We did.”

“Exactly.” he sighed and turned from the window to face you. “I miss getting along with you.”

“We’re fine.”

“We’re not. You hate on me and then you hate on our baby too, I don’t know what is your final decision and I don’t know if you’ll even tell me your decision or will let me know afterwards.”

“Don’t make me sound like the villain.”

“Im not.” he shook his head and pulled the duvet off you. “Will you let me stay tonight? Or do you want me to go?” he asked again and it felt like this would be the last time he asks so you moved your body closer to the edge and he threw his hoodie, shirt and joggers off quickly, sliding his body onto the mattress.

“You should’ve left clothes on, what if the nurse comes in.” you gulped not willing to touch him first. You knew you’ll let your guard done the moment you do so.

“I’m not naked, I don’t like sleeping in clothes, you should know by now.”Taeyong snaked his hand over you neck, pulling your head to lay on his chest.

“I know.” you mumbled and laid your hand over his waist. Taeyong breathed calmingly and you believed he began falling asleep immediately.

“It’s really lonely without you at home. I know now what you meant by saying you’re always lonely there without me. I hate this penthouse too now.” his words left his mouth slowly. You didn’t know what he wanted you to reply so you just rubbed your cheek against his chest. “That’s why I thought we should sell it.”

“Hm?” you raised your head from his chest.

“I think we should move from that place. Somewhere better, and if we’re keeping the baby it’s only better to have a homey house, than a cold penthouse, right?”

“Like a small one?”

“Yeah, pretty small.”

“What is pretty small to you? Like your childhood house?” you remembered that gigantic house that always made you feel lonely even when you were in Taeyong’s arms.

“No, there’s only 3 bedrooms, a living room, kitchen and a tiny backyard.”

“You picked something already?” Taeyong moved his eyes away from you disappointed.

“Fuck, I didn’t mean to give it away.” he sighed “I bought a house last week. I knew you hated this apartment and I knew you wanted a small house that will make you feel like it’s our own, that’s why I bought it in secret… I’m sorry, I wanted to surprise you.”

“It’s fine.” you dropped your body down onto his. “When can I see it?”

“When you’ll get out of here.”

“Okay…” you exhaled deeply.

“You’ll need to sign a couple papers as well.” he said randomly, running his fingers through yours.

“What papers?”

“The house… it’s yours on paper.”

“Taeyong, please don’t.” you groaned not being able to get up once again to look at him. “It’s for the best, baby.”

“What best?”

“Can I be honest?” he asked whispering and you nodded quickly. “You should keep the baby. I just know you should. I know you don’t want it just because of me, even if you think you’ll leave me one day, I won’t be holding any grudges because I’ll know we made someone into this world while we loved each other. You, in your pure sincere way and me, in my crooked and sick headed one. You two will never need anything, I swear on my life. I will alway love you two till the day I die and even afterwards, I’ll always be around for two most precious people in my entire life.”

“Taeyong…” you mumbled and squeezed your fingers on his side. “Please do something so I’ll stop loving you. Please, I can’t. I’m hurting, all the time, even if you’re sweet and nice, I’m hurting because I know you’re going to turn into the devil any minute. Don’t say things like that to me, I don’t want the house. I don’t want anything. You’re everything I want, why do you not understand that? Why can’t we start all over again? Why can’t we meet again like we never met before? And then this right now, but in parallel universe, I’ll be crying happy tears because my fiancé told me he bought us a house, because my fiancé wants a baby with me. I don’t feel this happiness. I don’t feel those happy tears. Those are tears of fear. I fear for my future life because I don’t know what it holds.” you squeezed Taeyong’s waist tighter while giving your speech. “With what money did you buy the house?” you suddenly realised.

“My money.”

“Your fathers money?”

“No, my money.”

“Did you and your mother finally decide on…?”

“We didn’t and we won’t. She’s not understanding anything.”

“Can we give the money away to charity? Isn’t it a nice way of getting things done?”

“We can’t.”

“Why?”

“That’s in my fathers will, I can’t give his money to charity in the upcoming 10 years. I’m going to spend the money on you.”

“So the house is bought with your fathers money?“ You asked again. He probably looked for an expensive one on purpose and only bought without letting you know for the same reason.

“It’s my money.”

“Taeyong, you’re a fool. Put your pride aside.” you sighed hopelessly.

“I’m not going to.”

“Not even when you’re putting me and our baby on the line?”

“I’ll never put you two on the line, don’t be silly.” he replied quickly, pulling your face up with his index finger to peck the corner of your lips.

-

“Hi baby?“ Taeyong’s voice on the other side of the line sounded distant and you guessed he spoke through his car.

“Hi.“ You murmured into your phone, curling up your legs under your body to sit up on the couch more comfortably.

“How do you feel?“

“Fine, I guess.“ Your eyes ran over the dining room of your house. “I’ve been setting up the cabinet in our dining room all morning. I thought it’s better to set up the expensive tea service I bought up high. You know, when the baby’s going to get into that period, we’ll probably be thankful for that decision.“

“You’re right.“ Taeyong chuckled high pitched. “Just don’t overwork yourself, get enough rest, please.“

“Taeyong, I’m fine.“ You sighed into the phone tiredly. “I spent weeks at the hospital, remember? I want to do things while I can.“

“I know, I know.“ You could hear in the tone of his voice he nodded agreeing with you. “Is there anything we didn’t buy yet for the baby?“

“I’m not sure…“ your mind drifted to the nursery that was fully packed with anything your mind could possibly think of. “If we’ll need something we’ll get it later.“

“I just want to make sure everything is done before the day comes.“

“It’s not the last day of your life?“ You chuckled mindlessly. “When our boy arrives we’re still going to be able to do things. No need to be too worried, okay?“ Taeyong’s been more nervous than you expected him to be. Even more nervous, than you could’ve ever imagined a guy like him could be. “I’m fine, our son is fine, and we probably have a week or two to ourselves.“ Taeyong hummed in reply. “Do you… Do you ever think if he’s going to be a little copy of you. You were the cutest baby, I’d want him to look like you.“ Your fingers crawled over your bump subconsciously.

“I wish I could see him…“ Taeyong paused for a second “…sooner. Sorry, I was turning left.“

“Do you really wish he’s born sooner?“

“Yeah, I mean it.“

“I heard sex can force contractions.“ You said with no second thought. “You could come back.“

“You know I can’t.“ Taeyong sighed heavily and went quiet.

“I knew you’d say that…“

“You know I love you?“

“You said it like 10 times in the morning already, what’s up? I love you too, you know that.“ You couldn’t hold back a smile, thinking back on Taeyong’s behaviour this morning. “Did you not arrive yet?“ you wondered when your eyes landed on the clock on the wall.

“Ugh, no. I’m driving to a meeting it’s far.“

“Oh, I didn’t know.“ You shrugged surprised.

“I was thinking actually…“

“Yeah?“

“Remember, when we first spoke?“

“Ughm, yeah? Why?“ Your eyes landed onto the cup that stood on the table.

“Do you remember what I told you that time?“

“That the party you threw was because of me. That you saw me check you out, or something like that?“

“Yeah, right. I lied.“

“Okay…?“

“The party was thrown because it was Jaehyun’s birthday.“

“Okay…?“ You felt confused at the sudden confession, but it seemed like you shouldn’t interrupt him.

“You were invited to make fun of.“

“Huh?“ was all you could get out of yourself with the last bit of air in your lungs.

“Yuta told us that there was this girl that kept on asking him about me, guys found it funny and told him to invite you. They forced me to come to you and play that game with you that I’m into you and shit . I gave zero fucks and did that only because Jaehyun wanted to fuck you and said you’ll only give in if I’ll lead you to it.“

“Why are you saying this?“ You chewed onto your lip.

“I just want you to know everything.“

“Why today? Why on the phone? Is that why you called?“

“I just built up courage to do it today, that’s why.“

“I don’t want to hear it.“

“No, please, don’t hang up.“

“Taeyong, you’re mean.“

“I know I’m mean, I know I’m hurting you but please, can you listen to me? I have to come clear.“

“Come clear with what?“ You felt your lip tremble.

“With everything, baby, please?“ You took long breathes, calming yourself down. “Are you here?“

“Yes, go on.“

“Jaehyun found it amusing, that you were like a puppy, everyone said I should make you work to turn him on so I did, and you listened like a fucking trained dog. I felt so disgusted that you were so obsessed with me but at the same time I felt bad for you. Bad because you were thinking you’re worth my time.“

“And what did make you change your mind?“ He didn’t reply in a second and you had to swallow tears “Don’t say your mind hasn’t changed in all those years, I know you’d be lying.“

“I was planning to leave the moment Jaehyun gets to my room, but just a moment before he did you said you never had sex before and I suddenly saw in your eyes that you were just a naive stupid girl. I don’t know if me feeling bad for you or me not wanting for Jaehyun to deal with this mess won but either way I sent him away not because of anything. I just did. There’s nothing behind it. I sent him away, left you to sleep and went to have fun with that girl that was next to me for the whole evening. She visibly wanted to blow me, and even though it was a rare thing for me to hook up I still did it with her because I wanted to get that weird feeling off my chest.“ Your shaky breathes was the only response you could give him. “And then… it just went on because you didn’t go away, you just kept on getting into my life more and more and then I accepted it as it is. Not because I liked you, was in love or something, I just played along to the game you wanted me to. I knew something was off with me when I filmed you but didn’t show it to the guys. I kind of felt possessive and that’s why I tried to get out of it with Yoona. But you were so… I don’t have the word. You were noisy and all over the place. I really hated you at that moment, but got so confused with myself I told you I loved you.“

“Okay, so you did fake it up to here. You faked it for so many years, why did you fake it up to the moment I have to give birth to your fucking baby? I hate you.“

“No, no. I realised hate was my coping mechanism with the idea I began to actually like you. You were so in love with me that you actually were right when you said you’ll make me a better person if you’ll treat me with love and care everyday. I do love you now, I mean it with all of my heart. I mean it, that I love you, I meant it when I said let’s get married. I realised all of it when we got in that car accident. Our relationship in college was fucked up but not afterwards. I loved you so much in those couple of years. I mean it, baby.“

“Loved?“

“My mom called again.“ he stated simply changing the subject completely.

“Did you make a deal with her?“

“No, but she told me she’s going to make a deal with someone else.“

“What deal?“

“Don’t worry, I have a solution.“

“Okay?“

“She said she’ll get me to jail if I don’t sign those papers.“

“Jail?“

“Yeah, they’ll fabricate whatever to get me sentenced for many years. That’s her exact words.“

“What is wrong with her? She’s literally your mother. I can’t believe she’s able to come up with threats like that.“

“I’m sure she’ll make it happen if she wants to.“

“That’s insane.“

“She doesn’t know that I have a plan too. She probably still thinks I’m an insecure teenager with a long tongue, but I’m actually able to do things now.“

“What things?“

“She’ll get off my back if there’s nothing to get on anymore.“

“Taeyong? Come back home, what are you planning?“

“I left the papers in safe that will ensure that everything I ever had is yours and our sons.“

“Taeyong, shut up. Come back.“ You spoke through greeted teeth. He was talking insane things, making you insane too.

“I don’t know how to get rid of her the civil way, she’s not letting me live my life. She’s threatening me, but more importantly she’s threatening you. If I’m not there the problem is not there.“

“Do you not think she’ll get to me quicker if you’re not there?“

“She won’t, she doesn’t know you’re pregnant and if im being right, the moment she finds out she’ll fuck off.“

“And what if you’re wrong?“

“I got someone who can help you get lost and move to Europe like you always wanted?“

“I don’t… I don’t understand… You’re going to the airport? Where are you flying? Can’t we all fly away together?“

“No, baby, it’s a little different.“

“Different in what way?“

“I… I gotta go. I love you, okay?“

“Lee Taeyong, send me your address.“

“Please don’t worry yourself.“

“How can I not worry myself when you’re saying shit like that?”

“Have you ever thought that your life would be better if I was erased from it?”

“Yes, multiple times, this is one of them right now.” you said angrily.

“I was thinking that too, I should’ve cut all the strings back when you only began falling hard for me.”

“Did you call to break up with me? Why are you saying these things?”

“No, I just want to kill myself.” he blabbered it what seemed like randomly.

“Is that a joke?”

“Everything’s just heavy in my life and because I’m a part of yours everything’s just heavy. I already told you which means I’m probably not going to do it anymore.”

“I don’t understand.” you gulped only to realise your throat was completely dry.

“You know they say once they tell you they’re not going to do it, that’s probably true. I’m not suicidal or anything, I just thought it’s the easiest way but for some fucking reason I wanted to hear your voice for the last time, I wanted to hear your voice while my car gets smashed against something. Maybe that was the wrong decision here, I should’ve just done it.”

“What… what are you saying? Please come home. Now.”

“I need some time to think now, I’ll call you back, okay?”

“No! No!” you shouted feeling hit tears on your freezing cheeks. “Don’t, stop the engine, tell me where you are, I’ll come.”

“I should’ve not said this, please don’t worry yourself.”

“Taeyong, I’m not well, please come home, I feel heavy, please?” you breathed quickly and couldn’t make words leave your throat. Worry and fear fogged your mind completely.

“Hold on, I’ll call an ambulance.”

“Taeyong, no, I need you. Only you, please. I’m scared.” you felt yourself choke on air, making it hard for tears to hold back. “I’m so scared Taeyong, I won’t go anywhere without you.”

“I can’t come back, please don’t cry. Let me call the ambulance. Wait a second, I’ll find my second phone.”

“No, Taeyong, please.” You could hear him shuffle in the car probably looking for the phone. “Please, watch the road.”

“I am, please calm down.” you guessed he did find it when you heard his voice saying your address.

“I won’t open. I can’t breathe, Taeyong. I want the baby out, now. It pushes onto me, my head hurts, everything hurts. I need to see you, please come home. I don’t want you to leave. I will never forgive you, do you hear me? I will never forgive you, ever.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Whatever the fuck you’re trying to pull, just put it aside if you love me. Come back, I need you.”

“If… if you’ll do something to yourself, I’ll do it too. I’ll take whatever pills I’ll find in this house and will take them all at once, I don’t care. Do you hear me?”

“Y/n, please. The ambulance will be there soon, just open the door, let them check up on you, ask for sedatives and go to sleep, I love you.”

“Taeyong! Taeyong!” you shouted into a dead end, hearing him hang up. “Taeyong!” you kept on saying his name, dialling his number he never picked up.

Running out of the house with your car keys in one hand and your phone in the other, you could barely see. Your vision was blurred from tears and pressure in your head. You barely breathed and your hands were shaking terribly.

“Mrs. Lee?” you turned around confused. “Where are you going, sweetheart? Look at you shaking, let’s get you to bed? Or better, want to go to the hospital with us? We’ll take good care of you. Your husband said you’re having a panic attack, where are you planning to drive in that condition?” a lady in uniform talked to you as if you were insane, grabbing onto your shoulders and leading you to the ambulance car.

“I need to go, I need to see Taeyong. Now.”

“What week are you on?” she asked calmly as if she didn’t hear you.

“40th.”

“It happens sometimes, with panic attacks, you just need to calm down. We’ll let your husband know your location, don’t worry.” she smiled and stuck the needle into your shoulder.

-

You could hear slight beeping in the room you were, and with the way your eyes slowly opened you felt heavy. It felt like you were drugged and you weren’t sure this is how someone is okay to feel like while pregnant. Your eyes slowly ran over the room and you pressed onto the button that seemed to be the one to call a nurse.

“Hi, Mrs. Lee, how are you feeling?” a girl that seemed to be not much older than you are entered the room.

“Heavy and tired. What did you give me?”

“Sedatives. You had a severe panic attack.”

“Isn’t it bad for my baby?”

“No, you don’t have to worry, Mrs. Lee. We’re monitoring your baby carefully, he’s doing just fine. Heaviness should go away in about an hour, we’ll bring you lunch. What would you like to have? Chicken or pork?” she smiled and waited for your answer with sweet eyes.

“No, wait.” you shook your head powerless and felt sick. “Where’s Taeyong?” mentally you knew you should’ve felt panic and fear but internally you weren’t feeling anything.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

“My husband? I was told you’ll tell him where I am at. If he hasn’t been here yet, what if something happened to him? Where is my phone? I need to call him?” you tried to scream but nothing worked out.

“Oh, I’m not sure about it. Let me check if someone reached out to your family members.”

“Please, something could’ve happened to him, I need to see him, now.”

“Mrs. Lee, please don’t worry. What would you like to eat: pork or chicken? I’ll go call your husband.”

“Whatever. I’ll eat whatever. Call Taeyong.” you felt a tear run down your face slowly. “If he’s not picking up, he’s in trouble.”

“Mrs. Lee, I’m sure he’s doing great.” she smiled at you as if you were a clueless fool. You felt rage but couldn’t express it due to medications. You wanted to shout at her, tell her that she was a fucking clueless idiot, that he needed to be checked on, that he wanted to kill himself, but you were not planning to look crazy in her eyes. You just stared at her.

“Are you dumb?”

“Excuse me?” she smiled even wider. You threw the blanket away, trying to stand up and get all the monitors off of your fingers. “Mrs. Lee, please, lay back down.” her hands touched your shoulders and you pushed her off you, trying to stand up once again. Two more nurses ran into the room while you two were having a silent fight.

“Songha, what’s going on?” one of them shouted. You guessed she pressed the button on the wall to call for help.

“Mrs. Lee is trying to get out of the bed, I think she needs more sedatives. I told her we don’t know where her husband is at the moment but we’ll call him and she lost control.” she explained while still trying to fight you.

“What do you mean we don’t know where her husband is? He’s been here for hours.”

“What?” the two of you turned in unison.

“Mr. Lee, right? He’s been here since fifteen minutes after you arrived. I sent him into the room with a couch so he could take a nap, I gave him something to calm down. I’ll go check if he’s asleep, he was too worried about you, sweetheart. He’s a great husband, I can tell.” the older nurse smiled at you sweetly and excused herself immediately.

“Songha, I think you should…” the other nurse broke off the silence.

“Yeah, my apologies for this misunderstanding. We’ll bring your dinner in a minute and will put all the monitors in place once again. I’m sorry.” she bowed multiple times and left the room, allowing for the other nurse to set up everything back on you.

“You’re alive.” was all you could say when Taeyong entered the room. He looked tired and lost, you wanted to beat him up and wanted for him to just lie down next to you at the same time.

“I’m… I’m sorry… you’re here because I’m a fucking dickhead.”

“I… I… you are.” tears fell and you couldn’t control them. “I can’t believe you actually wanted to leave me. Leave me when everything between me and you seemed to get better. I… I don’t know if I could ever live my life normally. I’m always going to be scared for you. I’m always going to be afraid you’ll decide to disappear one day.”

“Fuck. I… please don’t cry, I beg you, don’t cry. I’m just fucking stupid idiot, you’re right.” he finally walked in into the room properly, taking steps closer to the bed.

“I don’t know what is all this. What are we even? I want to rewind my life, I don’t want today to happen. I’d rather never know that the most beautiful and meaningful days for me in our relationship were just a game to you. I’ll never be able to get over the fact you lied to me for such a long period of time when I loved you so much. How much of a great actor you are? I was actually right it was all an act. Even when you acted like you were in love, you weren’t. How do I know this isn’t an act right now? How do I know where the real you is?”

“No. No, don’t say that. I told you this in a hurtful way on purpose… I wanted to hurt you so you would hate me instead of mourning. I mean yeah, its true, I only realised I loved you when I got us in the car accident, and it’s true I didn’t care about you when we only met, but when I got possessive it’s probably the day I fell in love with you and just didn’t know how to handle it.”

“No, you were possessive because you treat me like your property, not like a human you love.”

“I don’t know what fucking love is!” he exclaimed and sat on the chair next to your bed. “I told you this many times, I have no fucking clue. I’m just going with the flow, with the feelings I have, I’m just here following your lead. I’ve always been following your lead.”

“Yeah, even when you hated the guts of me.”

“Fuck.. I’m sorry, okay? Im sorry.”

“No. You aren’t. If you were sorry, you would’ve not done this in the first place. If you were sorry, you would’ve not told me those miserable things. You’re selfish and don’t love anyone except for your own ass, that’s why you wanted to fucking kill yourself and leave me with a fucking baby. How would I look at that child knowing he’s yours?”

“I was going to leave everything to you, literally everything.”

“I don’t need your fucking things Taeyong! I needed you, your love, care and affection or at least whatever the fuck you were capable off.”

“I’m sorry! Yes I’m selfish, I’m selfish because my fucking mom is threatening me. She’s threatening to put me in the fucking jail for the rest of my fucking life.”

“I told you you can just give the fucking money to her.”

“I’m not ever giving her that, you know it.”

“Why? Cause you’re selfish?”

“If that makes you happy then yes, because of that. I’m sorry I wanted to choose death over jail but I didn’t, didn’t I? I’m sitting right next to you and I’m not going to do it. I swear, I won’t.”

“How should I believe that? How could I believe you? What if you’ll call me next month with words that you never loved me up to that day and actually hated me all your life? That you want to die or else?”

“Because I have another plan.”

“Huh?” you raised your eyebrows at his soft tone of voice.

“I agree, it’s fucking insane. I… maybe we should leave Korea for good? Maybe you’re right? Pick a country where we’re moving.”

“What?”

“We can’t take long flights now, I don’t want you to give birth in the air but we could take short ones to be secure?”

“Can’t we wait a month or two?”

“No, we can’t, what if they’ll come for me tomorrow? Or next week? We have to run, if you want us to run.”

“But… how… where? When?”

“I’m telling you to pick the country, I’ll put everything else together.”

“I… I don’t know… Japan? Or US?”

“Didn’t you want to go to Europe or something?”

“I did… but…”

“France, Italy?”

“I don’t want to live there.”

“Okay, then tell me.”

“Can’t we go to like Germany maybe?”

“We can, we’ll do it. Our son is going to have the greatest life there. We’re going to have an amazing life in Germany. I’ll go home to see how and when we can get there, okay?”

“No.” you sat up and grabbed onto his hand. “Don’t go. I’m scared.”

“I swear, I’m just going home, nothing scary or anything.”

“I… I still will worry, please don’t? I’m sure I can leave now.”

“I’ll ask, okay? Can I go out of this room and ask if you’re allowed to leave?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Good.” Taeyong pecked your lips softly.

-

“What? Dad was the bad boy in college? Mom, seriously…” your son shook his head and took a look at the stairs. “Sooyun, did you hear it? Dad was the bad guy.” he shouted over the house, watching his sister walk down the stairs.

“Huh?” she grimaced a face expression that went somewhere between disbelief and doubt. “He totally wasn’t.”

“That’s what mum just said.”

“Mum?“ Sooyun looked at you with a smirk. “Are you sure you’re not mistaking dad with your other boyfriend?” she took her sit next to her older brother, pouring cereal into her bowl.

“Nah, Sooyun-ah. Isn’t dad like mums first love or something.”

“Ew.” The younger child stuck her tongue out in disgust. “Either way, could you even imagine our dad being the f boy?” Sooyun looked at her brother and he nodded his head like she had a point.

“Lee Sooyun, watch your tongue.” you raised an eyebrow at her.

“I just said an f. Dad’s not here, don’t worry.” she chewed on her breakfast. “Why you two spoke about their adulthood anyway?” Your daughter spoke quietly to her brother when you turned away.

“I told her about Lina and Heidi…”

“Ooh…” Sooyun sang.

“I told you already, Doyun, it’s better you decide.” You overheard them talk.

“Mum, I will.”

“So dad couldn’t pick between you and who?” Sooyun smiled like a Cheshire Cat and you wished for a second she wasn’t your child. Too quick witted for a girl you wanted her to be.

“Me and school. You should too, think of school, if your grades are getting lower, I’m going to tell dad.” you tried to threaten the boy.

“I’ve never heard dad scream, that’s going to be fun.” Sooyun almost chocked on her food, staring at her brother.

“That same man that’s watering his roses in the garden right now doubtfully will scream at me for anything. I’ve never heard him scream in my 15 years.”

“I can arrange that, my love.” you took a quick glance at your son and continued stirring the veggies. “Sooyun go call your dad, breakfast’s ready.”

“Okay.” she stood up obediently and ran off to the garden.

“Why dad’s eating all of this for his breakfast, he’s not even old.” Doyun took a glance at what you cooked for Taeyong.

“Baby, he’s a proud Korean. Unfortunately, you little European kids would never get it.”

“Yeah, I’m going to stick with my cereal for breakfast. One day maybe, I’m going to be like dad.” your son chuckled and hugged you lovingly. Your arms wrapped around your sons waist and you couldn’t quite believe this grown up boy was your baby son. “Love you, mum.” he whispered quietly and kissed your temple. You felt warmth in your chest, thanking heavens for the millionth time for giving you a loving son.

“Love you too, baby.” You pecked his forehead, forcing Doyun to bent a little with your hands.

“Sooyun, move your legs, we’re going to be late.” your son let go of you when he could hear the door from the garden open.

“I’m coming. Bye mum, bye dad.” Sooyun waved at you and your husband, who just got next to you.

You watched your babies exit the house, feeling how Taeyong’s hand crawled over your waist.

“What did you tell them?” Taeyong moved closer, pressing his face against your ear.

“Nothing.” You shook your head, wrapping your hands over Taeyong’s shoulders.

“I love you.” his lips landed in the corner of yours. “I’m thankful every day that you helped me to get through everything. I’m happy you chose this country, I love it here.”

“Oh, Taeyongie, I know.”

“I love you.” he whispered once again and pressed you against his body. “I love you to the moon and back.”

“I love you too, honey.”

-

heeey

thank you for sticking with this fic till the very end. I hope you enjoyed reading it and I'll see you very-very soon with a new fan fiction posted

<3

#taeyong series #nct taeyong #nct drabbles #nct au #nct fluff #nct smut #Jaehyun smut #taeyong smut #taeyong #taeyong x you #taeyong x y/n #taeyong x reader #nct imagines #nct

[butterflydm]

incomplete list of things i would enjoy being updated in rafe’s WoT

1. Get rid of all the spanking, which rode a very uncomfortable line of not being clear if it was punishment or kink and it all kinda felt poorly defined and honestly screwed up what I think RJ was trying to say about the various relationships and dynamics in the book. And there was just way too much of it in any case. So far, I don’t think we have any mention of corporal punishment in the show, so I will take that as A Good Sign.

2. Trim out the random pairings thrown in later on -- Thom/Moiraine, Siuan/Gareth, Morgase and her guard (Tallanvor, I think?) are the ones that most immediately spring to mind. Not enough build-up. Weird tropes involved. Just chuck ‘em out, I say. I feel like they’re already going to do this one; after giving such intense scenes out to Moiraine and Siuan, it’s hard to envision them deciding to go with another pairing for either of those characters.

3. Berelain vs Faile. Like, if you’re going to change Perrin’s story like you did in episode one, I feel like it should at least give us a free ‘get rid of Berelain’s Faile storyline’ card. Berelain as a character I don’t mind, but I dislike almost every storyline she gets, lol. (also, I think Faile is probably going to come across more sympathetically on-screen than in the book, since we won’t be viewing her through Perrin’s Smell-O-Vision and getting an instant update every time she has a flash of jealousy). Also, it would not be a bad thing for Perrin and Faile’s romance to take longer before they end up together. Perrin has several books where he has literally nothing to do; stretching his story out is a good thing.

4. Tylin and Mat. Either give Mat a different reason to stick around the city or make it so blindingly obvious how horrible the situation is that absolutely no one can question it. Because the book dances around it way too much, imo. Related: maybe they can make Tuon and Mat less depressing for me? I love Mat and I just hate how I kinda feel like Tylin’s abuse existed to soften up Mat for Tuon. Or just make Mat/Tuon a purely political/mystical/symbolic marriage and stick Mat into the polycule. Less likely but I would certainly enjoy it. Maybe I’ll write it, once we meet the other players in the polycule.

5. They already seem to have done this so far but: the overprotectiveness of the Two Rivers’ men towards women could do with massive amounts of toning down. It doesn’t make any cultural sense! Toss it away, please! You can still give Rand issues re: the Maidens if you feel like you need to, just base it on the family/culture connection instead.

6. I’m torn on how I’d prefer Elayne’s brothers be handled. It is hilarious to me that both Rand and Egwene get involved romantically with the same family? Though Egwene really gets a raw deal in comparison to Rand, since Elayne got all the competence in the family (though Gawyn does have an equal share of the impulsive recklessness, I guess!). Do we need both brothers? They do serve very different roles later on, so maybe. It probably depends on whether or not they plan on doing Morgase’s storyline.

7. I re-read some bits of Lord of Chaos to refresh my memory of Alanna and That Thing She Does, and then Dumai’s Wells, and I’d forgotten that Elayne straight-up sends Min to Rand while Elayne has the full knowledge of what Min’s visions about them mean, which just reminded me of how incredibly easy it would be to make the relationship a true balanced polyam quad (which is what it basically was in my head anyway), anyway I’m saying Elayne should kiss Min before Rand does. That’s what this point is.

8. Fascinated by what Lan being a bit softer in the show means for Rand adopting his hardness. I’m very curious about the potential knock-on effect of that. I wonder if they’ll keep Rand softer in the show until we get to Dumai’s Wells to show a greater contrast after his abuse at the hands of the Aes Sedai? Will they give him another reason to harden himself off? Will Lan give that advice anyway? Maybe Rand will take after Moiraine more instead, with her web of secrets, since they did show him softening towards her in episode six after she heals Mat. I’m just very very interested in how Rand’s character changes will be handled -- though he’s been relatively in the background (compared to being the main PoV in the first book), his characterization has been rock-solid to who he is, so I’m just very intrigued as to where they plan on going from here.

#wheel of time #wot #wot spoilers #wot book spoilers #will obviously include strong opinions! lol #there's more but it's been a while since i re-read the series #so this is it for now #wot show spoilers #wot prime spoilers #since i talk about siuan & moiraine #butterfly watches wot

[thestarrynightslover]

How to Say I Love You

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Word count: 2,582

Warnings: Smut implied.

Summary:  One day, Jay takes it upon himself to be an extra-cute boyfriend. The reason? It takes (y/n) a while to find out.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the One Chicago shows, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: Posting super late because the day was hard. So, just some more Jay fluff to brighten our days. Hope you like it!

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

| masterlist |

As soon as you woke up, you felt light kisses being pressed to all of your very exposed skin, and an inevitable smile came to your lips.

“Good morning, princess.” Jay whispered in your ear with a husky voice.

“Good morning for you too, baby.” You answered him while bringing his face closer to yours. On that movement, before you could kiss him, you caught a glance of your bedside clock. “Oh my God, Jay! Look at the time! I thought we’d agreed to get as much sleep as we could after last night!” You quickly reprehended him. “Or have you forgotten that both of us still have to go to work today?” You asked, trying to sound annoyed at him when the most you managed to do was breathe out was a moan, as he nibbed your earlobe.

“Oh, I know how much you like sleeping, babygirl. But I know that there are a few things you’d give up your sleep for.” He stated in a very sexy tone.

“And what exactly makes you think that you’re one of those things?” You teased your boyfriend, hoping he’d respond to it like you thought he would.

“Ah, just a little something,” he teased back while slowly putting his hand between your legs, not even bothering to lift the hem of the shirt you were wearing, “like this.”

“Oh, Jay…” And, just like that, you were completely fine with waking up early.

                                                          ---

Throughout the day, you just couldn’t keep the smile off your face, as your boyfriend took it upon himself to be the cutest person in the world. Why? You had no idea. All you knew was that he'd gotten the day off but, since you couldn't the same, he'd decided to go to work nonetheless.

His romantics for no apparent reason started with a bouquet of your favorite flowers and a note that read:

“Will you be my lunch date today? *blinking face*

P.S.: 12:00 - 13:00 is all I have. Sorry, doll :(

Meet me at our spot?

⎼ Your bae.”

He used bae. If he wasn’t so cute, and if you didn’t love him so much, you would have cringed at the choice, and he knew it. Ah, that man...

A few hours after that, you went to meet Jay for lunch at your spot ⎼ which was one of the benches along the Riverwalk, where you’d first met ⎼, absolutely decided on calling him out for being so mushy. But, as you walked closer towards him, you could see that your boyfriend was holding a picnic basket in one hand, and a bottle of champagne in the other, and, as corny as that was, you couldn’t help but grin. 

“Drinking on duty now, detective?” You asked, raising your eyebrow at him.

“Nope. This one’s without alcohol. And, trust me, you’ll like it.” He told you, a sweet smile on his lips.

“Hum, maybe... But I wouldn’t really mind if it was bad either.” You half-whispered at Jay.

“Oh no?” He asked you with a smirk this time.

“No. The company makes up for anything else.” You said while moving to kiss him.

“Geez, babe, you're such a dork!" He said, making fun of you after the kiss was over.

"Really? That's what you're going with?" You, the dork? Big joke.

"What else can I say if it's the truth?" Jay asked you through his lashes, an innocent expression in-face.

"Look who's talking!" You said while rolling your eyes.

Not long after that, he put an end to your little banter. Saying that he didn't wanna spend another second of the few moments the two of you had until the evening arguing was an understatement. You agreed, even though you knew that both of you secretly enjoyed the bickerings as well as you did everything else.

Later, on that same day, when you were about to leave work, you decided to call your boyfriend.

"Hey, babe." He answered, on the fourth ring, voice letting on some tiredness.

"Hey there, handsome! I'm already leaving work, think I’mma go swim a little. Unless… There's a chance you're getting off a little earlier yourself?" You tried your luck, thinking about making him relax a little before you two left for dinner.

"Uh… Sorry, babe, I don't think I'll be able to." A deep sigh. Something was wrong.

"Jay. Is everything okay?" Another sigh. Shit.

"It's nothing for you to worry about, baby. Just a pain-in-the-ass case we can't seem to solve. When all I wanted to do was be home with you." He confessed.

"Huh. Now, tell me, who's the dork?" You heard his muffled laugh over the phone.

"I am. You know it. I know it. Everyone who knows us knows it." At that, you were the one who giggled. "And, believe me, I bear the title with pride." More laughing, from both of you this time.

"Okay, then… So, um, is there anything I can do? Maybe we cancel that dinner reservation?"

"No! No, not at all! You just… Go do your swimming and don't worry about me, okay?" Jay sounded a bit weird this time, but you brushed it off, thinking that it was just the stress of the day.

"Okay…" You replied, still unconvinced. 

"Alright, I gotta go now. Love you."

"Okay, bye. Love you too. Be safe!"

"Always, baby." With that, he hung up quickly, which he never did ⎼ always dragging the conversations for as long as he could. But, once again, you decided to do what your boyfriend told you to and not worry about it.

It was already a bit into the evening and you were stretching your body to leave the swimming pool, when you saw him. Jay. So you got out and walked over to him.

"Fancy meeting you here, miss (y/l/n)." He greeted innocently.

"Well, this is a surprise. Yet another one. On the same day." You said, just to let him know that his weird behaviors weren't going by unnoticed.

"Ah, you know what they say… Gotta keep the relationship interesting!" Ha, ha. He was up to something. So you just gave him a suspicious look. To which he answered with a huge smile, saying: "What?"

"Nothing. Nothing besides the fact that you're up to something. What is it?"

"Oh. My. God." Jay said emphatically, faking offense. "I'm offended. You think that poorly of me?"

"What do you mean?" You asked him, a bit confused this time.

"You really think that I can't just try and brighten my princess's day?" He said, walking closer to you this time.

"Well, I guess that I wouldn't object to that, but what I'm saying is tha-" Before you could finish your sentence, he was pulling you towards him, pressing your bodies on a tight embrace and kissing you passionately. 

"Oh no, Jay, you should let me go! I'm all wet!" You squeal out as Jay keeps holding you up in the air against his firm abdomen.

"I don't mind." He told you with a shrug of shoulders. "I'm used to having you like this." He, then, whispers in your ear and you can feel his smirk, as he kisses your neck.

"Jay!" You hissed in fake disapproval. "We're in public! You can't be saying these things to me in public!"

"Sorry, baby. But you know that I just can't help myself around you." He tells you, deliberately taking his time. At that, you just throw back your head in laughter. "Besides, it doesn't seem to me like you're feeling all that bothered with my actions…"

"But I am!" You said assertively. But then you remembered your conversation from earlier and asked him, in a softer tone: "Hey, um, how did the case go? Are you still feeling up for the dinner thing?" As soon as the words left your mouth, you watched Jay shift his entire demeanor.

"Yeah! We're definitely still going! And, as I told you before, the case was just a pain in the ass, nothing more." He sounded nervous. Weird. Like he was hiding something.

"Jay…"

"Let's just go, okay? Cause we still need to get ready for dinner. I already put your stuff in the duffel bag. My car's right outside." Jay told you quickly, like he didn't wanna give you time to make any conclusions.

"Okay, then…"

                                                           ---

“C’mon, (y/n/n)! We’re running late!” You heard your boyfriend shouting for you to come out of your shared bedroom.

“Hey! Don’t you dare to rush me! Not when you’re the reason I’m running late in the first place!” You sharply answered, stepping out into the living room whilst putting your earring on. “Besides, that place we’re going is just too fancy. I need to look perfect.” You added more calmly, only now realizing how Jay was staring at you. “What? Is something wrong?”

“Wha- wrong? No! No!” He quickly assured you and closed the distance between the two of you. “You already look perfect. Every single day.”

“What? Jay, I’m serious!” You pouted, giving him an annoyed glare.

“I am too! You look gorgeous, baby.” He told you with that glorious smile of his. “And, really, there’s just no place on the planet that could make you look any less gorgeous.”

“Okay, now you’re just trying to get me to hurry up!” You accused, hitting him with considerable strength in the chest.

“Ouch! That hurt! And, yes, I am trying to hurry you up! Because we have a reservation!” He yelled at you in response. If it was any other time, you would’ve argued with him, of course. But even you had to admit he was right, you were on the clock.

“Okay, okay! I’m just gonna grab my purse and we’ll go!” You shouted back, already from the bedroom.

After that, the two of you managed to leave your apartment and get to the restaurant on time, due to Jay promising the cab driver a doubled pay if he went faster.

As soon as you arrived, though, you saw it was worth it. You still had no clue of what got in your boyfriend’s head to take you out on this kind of date for no apparent reason like that, especially after everything else he’d already done, but you obviously weren’t about to complain either.

 The maître walked both of you two to a table on the upper floor of the establishment, it had an amazing view of the city and it was a pretty reserved space. So, right after you'd placed your orders and been left alone, you half-squealed at Jay:

"Oh. My. God." Your smile was wide and your eyes were shining. "This place is incredible, babe!" He looked at you with devotion, clearly amused by your reaction.

"I know right? I'm really glad we got to come here." He stated, his whole behavior letting you know that he was just as impressed.

And, like that, the evening flew by and you caught yourself stifling yawn after yawn.

"Baby, you’re not too desperate to go home, are you? Because there's still one thing I wanna show you." Your boyfriend said, pulling you by your hand to get up. Then, he guided you to that part where you'd been able to view most Chicago, earlier in the night.

"Wow," you said, leaning against the balcony to see the details, "this really is great, babe." When you’d walked past this part you wondered about why they hadn't put any tables there, only a small couch, but now you knew. They didn't want to make that space ⎼ that landscape ⎼ prisoner of one couple, or one family, that would most likely stay there the entire night.

"It is." He agreed with you.

"You know, I hadn't brought it up yet, because I thought that you'd eventually tell me on your own, but you've been acting a little weird the whole day. This morning in bed, the flowers, then the picnic lunch, picking me up at swimming, and now this… You didn't sound too good on that call either, and I gotta admit that when you said we were going out for a fancy dinner, I didn't think it'd be here, where it's practically impossible to get a reservation. So, just… Talk to me, Jay."

"(y/n/n)... Would you even believe me if I told you that that's what I've been preparing to do the whole day?" He asked you with a shy smile.

"Will you be mad at me if I say no?" You asked, a bit apprehensively. He just laughed.

"Nah, not really." He told you jokingly. "But I have." He said, more serious this time. “Baby, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” He started telling you.

“Jay-” You whispered nervously, sort of anticipating what was about to happen.

“No, just- just please let me finish. I need you to understand how important you are to me, princess. Hell, I know that words aren’t really my strongest suit, but you deserve to know that you’re my light, my lifeline, my happiness… You’re my everything, (y/n/n). My entire world. And, because of you, now I think that it is actually okay to dream, to hope for a better future, for a future. That’s why I wanna ask you, tonight, to be my future, just like you already are my present.” At that moment you couldn’t keep the tears off of your face anymore, and you would’ve jumped him right then if he hadn’t gotten down on one knee. “Will you marry me, (y/n) (y/l/n)?” He asked you with a timid smile and teary eyes of his own. As you took in the man you loved, kneeled before you, holding an open box with the diamond ring you’d recognized as being his mother’s, you just stood there crying, not managing to say anything. “B- baby? Please say something.” Jay spoke again, letting out a nervous choked laugh. So you forced yourself to answer him.

“Oh m- my God, yes!!” You squealed out.

“Yes?!?” He repeated what you said, still on the ground.

“Of course, yes!!!” You confirmed, pulling him up to kiss you. While at it, your boyfriend, now fiancé, almost dropped the small velvet box he was holding.

“Okay,” he started, chuckling, after the two of you parted a little, “let me put this thing on your finger before you back down!”

“Ha, ha. As if I was going to! You’re only in a hurry because you’re scared you’ll drop your mom’s ring.” You bickered a little, letting him know that you recognized the jewelry, to which he responded with a bright smile, saying:

“It’s your ring now, princess. And, trust me, she’d love you almost as much as I do if she were still here.” He told you, shining eyes meeting yours, as he slipped the stunning piece in your finger.

“Jay.” You breathed out as the tears resurfaced in your eyes. “It is so beautiful…” You told him looking down at the ring you had in-hand. “And… You really mean that?”

“100%, princess. If I’m being honest, there are a lot of times when you actually remind me of her…” He said, tearing up a little.

“Awww, babe...” You said throwing your arms around him again.

And that’s how you two stayed. Just holding each other, under a very starry night in Chicago. More than ready to start walking down that new road together.

#jay halstead x reader #fanfiction #imagines #one shot #fanfic #one chicago #one chicago fanfiction #one chicago imagine #one chicago x reader #chicago pd #chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd fanfic #jay halstead fluff #chicago pd one shot #chicago pd imagine #jay halstead #jay halstead x y/n #proposal #fluff overdose #jay halstead x you #jay halstead fanfiction #jay halstead fanfic #fluff #bickering #banter

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Golden Thread

Prompt: since Janus is Deceit, what if it takes a physical toll on him when he only tells the truth and doesn't manipulate anyone for a period of time? could you please write a oneshot where Janus is in a position where he really needs to to tell the truth, but he can tell he's getting close to his truth limit? - anon

 Hey! I don't know if you're still taking requests for prompts (and I apologize if you aren't), but could you do Janus-centric fluffy hurt/comfort? And maybe a polyship? (If you want to, of course). - anon

Thanks for the prompts, babes! This was supposed to go up yesterday and I’m so sorry I forgot

Read on Ao3

Warnings: sympathetic remus & janus, other than that, it’s not that bad

Pairings: LAMP, DLAMP, DLAMPR, can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 5874

There is a thread that winds through Janus’s tongue.

 Thin, golden, finely spun with lies. It tastes sweet against the back of his teeth, the back of his throat. As he talks, it colors his words with a soft gleam, spinning and spinning into the air in front of him. It coils neatly around his throat as its spool and winks.

Most of the time its taste is enough to curl the corners of his mouth upwards into a smirk, watching it wind and weave its way around the others. Sometimes he thinks he can see other threads, clasping delicately around wrists, arms, knees, necks. Sometimes he can’t resist letting his threat tug them this way and that. Come on, what good is temptation if you never give in to it? He’s grown fond of the sweetness it leaves on his tongue, in his words. Saccharine as they may be, the haze they leave behind is more than enough to make up for it.

 Sometimes the sweetness is too much. He swears he can feel cavities forming in the back of his mouth. His teeth start to ache. And sometimes…sometimes he doesn’t care. It’s too much fun to keep tugging this way and that at the others, too entertaining to let the thread unspool and unspool from his throat, filling the air with its golden light. His smile sharpens and the tangle grows, because what’s the fun of it without a little risk of hurt?

 Other times he knows to back off. He adores the others, but no matter how fun they are to play with, he knows not to push too hard. At those times, he lets the sweetness spill off of his tongue, gently winds the thread back around his own throat. It always protests, the lack of sweetness making his tongue ache, the grip on his throat just a little too tight. But the looks on their faces…the begrudging gratitude, the sincere remark, or--god forbid—the poorly disguised hope…well.

 Sometimes he wonders whether or not it’d be worth it to keep the thread fully wound.

 Not that he ever would, it’s just a thought experiment.

 It’s not like he wonders what it would feel like to have Patton be able to listen to him easily, not make it a fight to get his point across. He doesn’t want to have an engaging conversation with Logan about philosophy, ethics, science, anything just to hear the brilliant man talk. He refuses to entertain the idea of being a proper source of comfort for Virgil. He wouldn’t enjoy snarking with Remus just for fun and not because he doesn’t know how to do anything else.

 And he…

 Well.

 The idea of being able to have an honest conversation with Roman makes him fill to the brim, top to toes, with hatred.

 He doesn’t have much of a choice.

 He can speak a few times with the thread coiled up, just enough when it really counts. He knows the others, he can’t just play with them all the time, he’ll get bored. And they’re not really cut out for it. And as much as he loves to see them squirm out of their comfort zones, it’s not good for Thomas. That’s his real priority.

 Janus pushes open the door to his room and sighs, taking his hat off and hanging it carefully up on its stand. He summons his cane and makes it the rest of the way to the desk, plopping himself into the chair and scrubbing his hand through his hair.

 “They’re so slow,” he mutters as his fingers go to the clasp around his throat, “how do they ever get anything done?”

 Well…they don’t. Not really.

 Don’t get him wrong, he loves being the one to tug and twist them into the right answer, but he doesn’t want to be there all the time. They do know what they’re doing, they’re all good at their jobs, so…trying to manage all of that is exhausting.

 The clasp at his throat falls away and he lifts his hand, craning his neck above his collar. There.

 He knows the thread isn’t real; nothing here is real. Nothing of him can ever be real. But he can still feel it sometimes. Like today.

 They’d been…talking. It wasn’t an overdue conversation, not in the slightest, and he’s had to be honest with them. Doesn’t mean he has to be honest with himself.

 And isn’t that just his saving grace?

 Janus winces as he feels the thread wind tighter and tighter around his tongue, pulling his gloves off to touch his throat, just to confirm that it’s not real. His fingers meet his scales and he sighs, missing the sweetness. It won’t be for long. This will blow over and tomorrow they’ll be back to everyone’s favorite regularly scheduled programming. He’ll make Patton blink in that adorably-confused way, Logan will be pinching the bridge of his nose trying to make everyone shut up and pay attention to Janus’s lies, Virgil will be hissing at him like a demented cat, Remus will be having the time of his life, and Roman won’t want anything to do with him.

 Janus breathes a sigh of relief as sweetness starts to coat his tongue again.

See? It’s already working.

 It doesn’t keep working, but you know.

 The effort was there.

 They’re talking again.

 The living room feels dry. Has it always been this dry? Disguising it as a roll of his eyes, Janus tilts his head toward the ceiling. Huh. He’s never noticed that light there before. Has it always been there? Probably.

 “Janus,” Patton calls, “can you—um—“

 Rolling his eyes again, he looks back down, crossing one leg over the other. He hides the lack of sweetness by pursing his lips.

 “Yes?”

 “Did you hear what I asked?”

 “Of course I did,” he drawls, idly flicking the tips of his gloves together.

 “…so what do you think?”

  Honestly.

 “He didn’t hear you,” Logan says quietly, and thank god the other brain cell has joined the chat.

 Patton frowns. “Then why—never mind.”

  Oh, Patton.

 “I asked if you knew how to help,” Patton says, his hands clutched in his lap, “with the barrier breaking down. It’s been kind of rough from our side so…”

 Right.

 There hadn’t been a barrier up until a few years ago. Something had formed in the Mindscape, an invisible wall. It wasn’t real, of course, but it made walking through the hallways unnecessarily difficult. One of them would try to walk from one side to the other and be suddenly seized with a compulsion to do anything but. Or they’d be accompanying another Side back to the room only to freeze in the middle of the corridor and have to mutter out apologies. It’s exhausting. Luckily they’d still been able to sink in and out to get from place to place, but it’s not like the barrier actually does anything.

 Janus sighs and uncrosses his legs. The thread leaps to the tip of his tongue, eager, poised.

 “I don’t know,” he says instead, feeling the sweetness recede in disappointment, “I don’t know enough about how it formed in the first place.”

 “It happened around the time of the series premiering,” Logan says thoughtfully, “perhaps it could be linked with the presentation of the Mindscape in the fanbase?”

 Virgil snorts. “Like any of that is accurate.”

 “You don’t know that, Virgil.”

 “Um, excuse me, which of us spends the most time on Tumblr?”

 “What does that have to do with anything?”

 “Where do you think most of the fanbase hangs out? ‘Cause it sure as hell ain’t Facebook.”

 “That’s a shame,” Patton sighs, “I miss it.”

 “You miss Facebook?”

 “You know it does still exist, right?”

 “Did Thomas ever even have Facebook?”

 “The color palettes were nice!”

 “You mean they were blue.”

 “Yeah, that’s what I said.”

 “…the point being I know a lot about what the fans do with the content we give them and most of that stuff is entirely made-up.”

 Logan raises an eyebrow. “As opposed to the made-up that the series is.”

 “Shut up, L.”

 “I’d rather not, actually.”

 Virgil swats Logan’s shoulder half-heartedly.

 Janus is smiling. Why is he smiling? He hasn’t lied enough for the sweetness to make him smile and it’s not like Remus has appeared with feet coming out of his head again. In fact, Remus is just…sitting next to Roman. Granted, he’s got his morning star in his lap dripping with god knows what, but there are no crazy shenanigans happening.

 He watches Logan reach out and tangle his fingers with Virgil’s as Patton starts talking again. He watches Virgil nudge Remus’s tape back over to him when he drops it halfway through rewrapping the grip on his morning star. He watches Roman cover a flinch that he’d never have noticed if he wasn’t paying attention and sees Remus take hold of Roman’s costume and grip it tight in his fist.

 The thread twitches angrily on his tongue as he tries to make sense of what’s happening.

 “Has anything happened,” Roman asks as Patton pauses, “on your side?”

 Virgil shrugs. “I haven’t noticed anything. But I normally sink straight to my room, so…”

 “Remus?”

 “You do realize that most of the thoughts that come into my head are the type that you guys would ignore anyway, right?”

 Roman rolls his eyes too, but it’s fond. Affectionate. Janus is not.

 “…Janus? What about you?”

 The thread begins to sew neat little words into his tongue, all prepared for him to say. Yes, he’s noticed something, he’s noticed that the others are so much less fun than they used to be. No, he hasn’t noticed anything, it’s not like he’s the observant one.

 Yes, he’s noticed that the barrier is fading and he hates it.

 No, he hasn’t noticed anything because he spends as little time with the others as possible.

 “I don’t know.”

 Patton nods. “That’s okay, just…maybe try keeping an eye out? See if anything changes?”

 “I will.”

 The thread takes longer to undo that night.

 Janus slumps onto his elbows and groans.

 When did he become addicted to the sweetness? When did it get so hard for him to realize when he’s the one telling the lies and when the thread is telling the lies? When did he stop caring about the words coming out of his mouth?

 The truth is, of course, that he didn’t.

 He started caring more about the others.

 The thread tightens in warning but Janus pushes it aside. He frowns, staring hard at the grooves in the desk. He started to care about them, not just as parts of Thomas’s personality that would help him do things, but as their own Sides. As them.

 He cares about how Logan’s eyes light up just a little when he starts talking about something. He cares about how warm Patton speaks when they’re all there. He cares about how bouncy Remus gets when they talk to him. He cares about when Virgil’s eyeshadow turns all purple and sparkly. He cares about how hard it’s become to genuinely make Roman smile.

 The thread groans.

 Janus curses.

 He can’t.

 “The others aren’t important,” he hisses at the mirror, “Thomas is the only important one.”

 The thread pauses.

 “I don’t care what they want,” he continues, feeling it slowly start to unwind, “it only matters that Thomas is safe. That Thomas knows what’s going on.”

 It starts to run back out along his tongue.

 “Their thoughts and feelings aren’t important.” His hands ball into fists. “I don’t care about them.”

 His tongue starts to taste sweet again.

 “I don’t care about them,” he repeats in a whisper, “they aren’t important to me.”

 The salt of the tears goes perfectly with the sweetness on his tongue.

————————————————

Something is wrong.

 Something is horribly, desperately wrong and the others are panicking.

 The barrier is gone. That’s not the bad thing. The bad thing is that along with it, everything in the Mindscape is rushing out of control.

 The walls won’t hold. The doors lock and unlock more often than they stay in place. Floors disappear out of nowhere and open up into yawning black pits. The doors to the Imagination buckle and groan under the onslaught of rushing beasts from the other side. Something is fading.

 They can’t sink out anymore. They need to know where everything is in order to do that. The place is a labyrinth. Only one entrance, one exit. There’s no way that they’ll know the right path unless they run it themselves.

 Janus knows something is broken the instant his eyes open. He can feel it. Cracks wind their way through the walls, through the floor, the ceiling shakes. He’s out of his room in an instant, running through the halls, somewhere, anywhere, are they alright? Where are they? Have they faded?

 “Virgil!”

 “Janus?” Virgil flies into him at breakneck speed, clutching his cape in both hands. “Are you—what’s happening? Where is everyone? Did something go wrong? What’s happening to Thomas?”

 The thread perks its end up eagerly but Janus swallows it down.

 “I don’t know what’s happening,” he says quickly, pulling Virgil closer, “and you’re the first one I’ve seen.”

 “I can’t find anyone,” Virgil pants, “I can’t—there’s no one—we’re going to fade.”

 “We won’t, I promise. We just have to find the others.”

 “Hello?” Another voice calls out from around the corner. “Hello, where the fuck is everyone? Who decided to break shit without me?”

 “Remus!”

 “That’s me, where the fuck—“ Remus barrels around the corner, almost knocking them over— “Virgil! Snake Face!”

 “Remus—“ Virgil wraps Remus in his arms, clutching him tightly. “Where were you? What’s going on?”

 “I was draining the viscera from a partially dissected sperm whale—“ of course he was— “but then everything started shaking.”

 “We can’t find the others.”

 “Then what the fuck are we waiting for?”

 They don’t even look back; Remus grabs Janus’s sleeve and Virgil still hasn’t let go of his cape, dragging him behind as they race through the halls. They can see where the barrier used to be, though with how much the place has shifted, it’s impossible to tell. Janus grits his teeth as they prepare themselves to smash through.

 Nothing happens.

 They just keep barreling down the corridor.

 “Patton! Logan! Roman!”

 “Where the fuck are you guys?”

 “Can you hear us?”

 “Re? Re, is that you?”

 “Ro!”

Remus reroutes them effortlessly, barreling through chunks of disappearing floor and leaping over cracks forming in the tiles. Virgil hangs onto Janus as they go. Janus can’t let go of either of them.

 “In here!”

 A blade flashes through a crumbling chunk of wall and a hand reaches out. Remus grabs it and vaults through the opening.

“Oh my goodness, Virgil!”

 “Pat—“

 Another hand helps to haul him through the crack. The hand he has in his cape pulls uncomfortably at Janus’s neck.

 “Where’s Janus? Did you guys see him?”

 “Yeah, he’s right here, Ja—“

 “Snake Face, get your butt in here.”

 “Don’t just stand there, help you idiots!”

 A sickening crack right above him makes him jerk his head up. His eyes widen as a massive chunk of ceiling starts to fall. Hands wrap around his arms, his clothes, even his waist and pull.

 “Janus?” He blinks through the dust to see Logan staring at him, concern written plainly all over his face. “Are you alright?”

 No, the thread sews, I am now trapped with the five people I abhor most in this world. I am the furthest from alright I could possibly be.

 “Are you all alright,” he asks instead, lifting his hand to fix Logan’s collar, “I’m not hurt.”

 “We’re fine,” Roman says, helping him to his feet, “we managed to get in here before the place really started coming down.”

 “What’s going on?”

 Patton’s shoulders slump at Virgil’s question. “We were hoping you would know.”

 Janus bites back a curse, turning to look at the opening. It’s blocked now, completely choked in dust. He glances around.

 “Where are we?”

 “Safe room,” Roman says, tapping the wall, “something Remy helped us come up with.”

 “Remy?”

 “He’s a bitch but he knows what he’s doing.”

 “Fair enough.” Janus grits his teeth. “So what do we know?”

 “Who was awake when it happened,” Logan asks, “Roman and I were not.”

 “I was also not awake,” Virgil mutters, “and I would really appreciate this not being how I wake up ever again.”

 “I agree.” Janus glances at Patton and Remus. “I was asleep too. Remus, you said you were awake?”

 “I was in the middle of an experiment!”

 Logan perks up. “An experiment?”

 “As much as I love watching you two be nerds together,” Roman breaks in, “can we do that later?”

 “Of course.”

 “Spoilsport,” Remus says fondly, “but it wasn’t me. I’ve done this experiment before, nothing I do could do…this.”

 All eyes turn to Patton.

 “…Padre?”

 Patton shakes his head. “I…I don’t know. I had just gotten up to get a glass of water when it shattered in my hand.”

 “It did what?”

 “Are you hurt?”

 “Let me see.”

 “No, no, guys I’m fine,” Patton says quickly, holding up his hands, “but then the whole house started to shake. I don’t—I don’t know what’s going on.”

 Janus’s heart sinks. He’s telling the truth.

 They’re stuck.

 “Oh, god,” Virgil mutters, his hands flying to his head, “oh god, oh my god, no one knows what’s going on.”

 “V,” Logan murmurs, crouching down and reaching to take his hands, “Virgil, look at me.”

 “We’re going to mess everything up—it’s going to be so bad—what’s happing to Thomas?”

 “Virgil, look at me, come now, it’s going to be alright—“

 “How can you promise that?” Virgil’s voice starts to rise. “Have you seen what’s happening?”

 “Easy, shadow-ling,” Roman murmurs too, his hand carding through Virgil’s hair, “just listen to Logan.”

 “You’re doing well,” Logan encourages, rubbing Virgil’s arms, “just stay here, with me, alright?”

 Janus watches Patton and Remus stand a little closer to the three of them, shielding them from the debris still raining down from outside. Something in his gut clenches.

 Then he notices the tremors are slowing as the other calm Virgil down.

 And it clenches more.

 “It’s us,” he mutters quietly, almost too quietly for the others to hear, “it’s us. We have to stick together.”

 The thread on his tongue twitches angrily. There’s almost no sweetness left in his mouth now.

 Patton looks over his shoulder. “What do you mean?”

 “Look—“ Janus points at a crack in the wall— “they’re moving slower now. The closer we are together the less this place falls apart.”

 Virgil’s next inhale is almost a sob.

 “I really do just ruin everything, don’t I?”

 “No,” Roman says firmly, wrapping his arms tightly around the shaking Side, “we’ve had this conversation, shadow-ling. You’re important to us. You’re not a burden. And this certainly isn’t your fault.”

 “We need you,” Patton echoes, reaching down to rest his hand on Virgil’s shoulder, “don’t go anywhere.”

 “Don’t make us chase you.” Remus bonks his head into Virgil’s. “Not fun.”

 Virgil still looks doubtful. Which, alright, isn’t his fault. Voices in the head, not to mention the general anxiety, it’s no surprise, not really. Janus clears his throat.

 “Virgil,” he says softly, crouching down as well, “Virgil, listen to me.”

 Purple eyes stare at him.

 “You haven’t lost us,” he promises, “you won’t lose us. You’re important, not just for Thomas, but for us too. We care about you. All of you.”

 “Fuck, J,” Virgil huffs, swiping at his face, “why’d you have to make me cry?”

 The tremors keep settling.

 Patton throws his arms around Virgil. “See? We care about you, kiddo. We love you.”

 Something else twitches in Janus’s throat as he hears Patton say that. Virgil must notice it too; he looks up and squints at Patton.

 “Have we ever told you that we care about you?”

  Bingo.

 Patton falters, his grip wavering. His smile wobbles. “W-well, no, not really, but that’s okay! I know you do.”

 Logan tilts his head. “But you enjoy hearing it said.”

 The smile slips even further. “…you don’t like saying it.”

 “That’s no excuse!” Roman reaches over Virgil to get to Patton. “If you want us to say it, we can say it!”

 Janus shifts his attention. “Patton?”

 “…yeah?”

 “No one takes care of us like you do,” he says softly, “and none of us care as openly as you do.”

 Patton’s eyes widen. “Janus—“

 “You try,” he continues, not to be interrupted, not now, “and that is perhaps the most admirable thing we could ask for.”

 “He made Pat cry too,” Virgil mutters, pulling the now-sobbing side in for a hug.

 “Happy tears,” Patton manages, “I—wow.”

 A crack in the wall disappears.

 “Is that what this is?” Logan looks around. “An…emotional problem?”

 “We’re fading, the whole Mindscape is,” Janus says around the thread, “if we—if we stay, then we can fix this.”

 “O-oh.”

 That tone of voice always leads somewhere good. Sure enough, as he looks around, he sees Logan adjust his glasses and take a step back.

 “And where are you going?”

 “I’m not sure I can help,” Logan says flatly. “You have the answer already.”

 “But we’re not done.”

 “And what do you expect I can lend to this problem?” He spreads his arms wide. “I’m no expert on emotions, nor am I useful in proving things that are already true.”

 “Wait, what the fuck are you talking about, L?” Virgil scrambles up. “What are we proving here?”

 “That you are important.” Logan frowns as Patton and Roman scramble up too. “What?”

 “You’re implying that you’re not important,” Remus growls, “and I’m pissed about it.”

 “But—“

 “No buts!” Roman points a stern finger at him. “Believing yourself to be unimportant is a falsehood!”

 “I never said I was unimportant,” Logan corrects, “I said I would not be helpful in this situation.”

 “Bullshit. You helped me calm down.”

 “So did Patton and Roman.”

 “You figured out that I like being told that you guys care about me!”

 “That was obvious.”

 “Logan,” Janus calls softly to get his attention, “Logan, if you believe that anyone knows us better than you, you are gravely mistaken.”

 Logan’s mouth drops open.

 “You claim not to know emotions,” he continues, stepping closer, “but you know us, perhaps better than we know ourselves at times. You are kind, you are wonderful, and if you ever stop teaching us things, I am sure we would never recover.”

 He slips Logan’s glasses back into position.

 “You are not just Logic,” he murmurs, “you’re Logan. Stay. Be Logan.”

 Logan swallows heavily.

 “I must ask,” he says hoarsely as a tear rolls down his cheek, “if you intend to make everyone cry today.”

 Janus chuckles. “No, I don’t, but it seems that it may be a side effect. I promise I’m not trying.”

 “You won’t make me cry,” Remus remarks casually, “not without trying. I don’t care.”

 Oh, Remus. Janus doesn’t bother to hide his smile at the indignant squawk from Virgil as Remus implies that he doesn’t care about the others.

 “I don’t need to try to make you cry,” he says, “I’ve never wanted that. I just want you to be listened to.”

 “…fuck you, Snakey.”

 Patton lunges forward as Remus sniffles.

 “Do we just like…not talk to each other, then?” Virgil wipes his nose. “Because I sure as hell don’t remember us getting this emotional about anything.”

 Then Janus realizes that his mouth tastes bitter.

 The thread has not been idle, he realizes in horror, not while he’s been spilling his guts to the others in an effort to hold them all together. It’s dragged itself over his tongue, scraping every last bit down his throat, winding tighter and tighter. His mouth tastes bitter. It’s not supposed to be bitter. It burns, scraping along the sides of his mouth until they smart. He swallows frantically. It’s not working. Nothing is working. It hurts. His tongue hurts. His throat hurts.

 The floor wobbles.

 He can’t catch his breath.

 His eyes land on Roman.

 No.

  No.

 No, no, no, he can’t stop now.

 Not here.

 Not with Roman.

 Roman just watches the others wrap their arms tightly around his brother still wiping snot from his nose. A soft smile curls at his mouth that never reaches his eyes. Behind him, massive cracks open up in the walls.

 No.

 He can’t let Roman fall.

 Not after everything.

 Roman notices he’s staring at him. He just raises an eyebrow.

 “Going to make me cry again,” he asks softly, “or are you all finished for the day?”

 The thread stabs words into his tongue until he can taste blood.

  Well, it’s not like it’s difficult to make you cry.

  If I had something that would work, I’d say it.

  Only if you were a Side worth worrying about.

 No.

 No, no, he won’t say that. He won’t.

 The thread tightens around his throat as a harsher warning. The bitterness on his tongue worsens.

 “It’s alright, Janus—“ no, it isn’t— “I know you don’t like me much anyway. Don’t force yourself.”

  At least you’re being considerate for once in your life.

  Took you this long to figure it out, hmm? No wonder you’re called the stupidest Side.

 Janus grits his teeth against the thread. It just keeps tightening. His mouth has never tasted sweet in his entire life.

 He needs to tell Roman how important he is. He needs to tell Roman that they all have to start paying attention to him. He needs Roman to know that he’s sorry, sorry he ever implied otherwise.

 All that comes out of his mouth instead is: “you need attention.”

 Roman blinks. “Well, yes, I’d say that’s true.”

 He has to tell Roman that Thomas needs him, needs him to be strong and healthy, to dream.

 What comes out instead is: “you spend so much time stuck in your head.”

 Roman frowns. “If that’s the best you can do, there’s no need to overexert yourself. I can make myself cry much easier than that.”

 Why won’t his tongue cooperate?

 The thread just tightens around him again. A warning. A threat. A promise.

 He can’t tell the truth.

 He can’t.

 He can’t.

 It doesn’t matter. Roman won’t know how important he is. He’ll think that Janus hates him and that’s fine.

 Janus struggles to breathe.

 “There are two Creativities,” he grits out, even if the ‘but only one Roman’ won’t follow.

 “Patton is the heart,” comes out next, separate from ‘but he needs you to love.’

 “We don’t need you,” hurts on the way out because it leaves behind ‘but we want you, we want you so badly.’

 The Mindscape is crumbling. Janus can’t speak. The others are going to fade. He can’t help Roman. He’s ruined everything.

 He’s forgotten what sweetness tastes like.

 Roman is frowning at him. He stands, striding across the broken floor, eyes flint chips. Janus closes his eyes and braces for the hit.

 Roman’s fingers hook into his collar and yank.

 “What the fuck is that?”

 “Why is it cutting into him?”

 “How long has that been there, this whole time?”

 “Janus—Janus can you breathe?”

 What?

 Janus opens his eyes in confusion. Roman’s still holding onto him but his eyes are fixed not on his face, but lower. Something shiny casts light onto Roman’s face.

 “Janus,” Roman asks softly, “what is this?”

 “What is what?”

 “This,” Roman says darkly, fingertips tracing across something, “around your neck.”

 No.

 No, it’s not real.

 It can’t be real.

 …can it?

 “It’s not a thread,” Janus spits out, his tongue smarting in the air, “and it doesn’t keep me from telling the truth.”

 Roman’s eyes widen in horror. He reaches forward and Janus keens as the pressure tightens.

 “Don’t stop,” he grits out, “it doesn’t hurt.”

 “The sky is green.”

 “What?”

 “The sky is green,” Roman repeats, still glaring hard at Janus’s neck, “the Fourth of July is in October.”

 The thread loosens.

 “Remus, get over here,” Roman barks. A second later, two more fingers slip under the thread. “Now lie.”

 “Um, ventricles are found in the liver.”

 “Blue is made of red and orange.”

 “The alphabet starts with the letter ‘m.’”

 Logan catches on next. “The sun goes around the earth,” he says, nudging Virgil.

 “Uh—“ he glances around— “Patton isn’t wearing glasses.”

 “Paris is in Canada.”

 “Books are printed on alligator skin.”

 “Water isn’t clear.”

 “Mark Zuckerberg isn’t the inventor of Facebook.”

 “Earmuffs go on your hands.”

 “Hamburgers are vegan.”

 Lies spin out of their mouths. Remus grits his teeth as he pulls at the thread. Patton looks around frantically. Janus still can’t breathe.

 The room is settling, slowly but surely, but there are still cracks snaking their way through the walls, the ceiling, the floor. Right under Janus.

 Roman looks directly at him.

 “I hate you.”

 The thread gives.

 The brothers yank, unspooling the thread from around Janus’s throat, throwing it at the walls. It freezes in mid-air, still glowing gold.

 The cracks weren’t cracks, they were threads.

 The golden thread melts seamlessly into the wall, knitting the place back together, stitch by stitch. The walls settle, glowing softly as the floor reconstitutes under them. The Mindscape breathes.

 Janus hasn’t noticed any of this. He’s too busy collapsing into Roman’s arms, sobbing his heart out.

 “Shh, shh, sweetheart,” Roman coos, “I’ve got you, you’re alright, you did it, come here…”

 “He’s gonna be cold,” he hears someone—probably Virgil?—say over his shoulder, “grab a blanket. Can we sink?”

 “Let me try.” A second later there’s another sigh of relief. “Yeah. We can. Let’s get him to the living room, I’ll get a fire going.”

 “In the fireplace, this time, Remus!”

 “Yeah, yeah!”

 “Come on, little snake,” Roman coaxes, lifting him up to a broad chest, “let’s get you warm.”

 He’s still sobbing breathlessly, draped uselessly over Roman. He feels another set of arms as they sink into the couch.

 “I’ve got him,” Patton says quietly, “hey, kiddo, can you hear me?”

 The next sob is slightly higher.

 “Shh, shh, it’s okay, kiddo, you don’t have to speak right now.” Patton rubs soothing circles into his back. “Just stay right here with me, right here, the others are just getting the nest set up.”

 N-nest?

 “Give him to me, I’ll help him down while you slide in.”

 “Make sure to get his head, he’s having trouble right now.”

 “I understand.”

 A warm hand cups the back of his neck, leaning his nose into the crook of a warm shoulder. Books, coffee, whiteboard pen…Logan.

 “You’re freezing,” Logan murmurs, concerned, “let’s get you warmed up…no hyperthermia today, hmm?”

 Janus almost groans in relief as his scales hit something thick and soft and warm. He’s still crying, isn’t he? Why?

 “Hey, Snakey,” Remus mumbles, his hand under Janus’s head, “you gotta roll over, you’re gonna crush yourself that way. Come on—for crying out loud, you bastards, how long does it take to undo a clasp?”

 “Got it.”

 He suppresses a whine as his cape flies away, only for it quickly be replaced by a warm, warm blanket. He blinks his eyes open, straining to see through the tears. He can only see blobs. What is happening?

 “Rest,” comes another voice, is that Roman? Isn’t Roman angry at him? He can’t stop the confused whine.

 “Shh, shh, easy, little snake,” Roman soothes, running his hand through his hair, “breathe, that horrible thing was choking you.”

 The horrible thread…is it…gone?

 “Relax, come on, shh…easy,” he says earnestly when Janus whines again, “don’t work yourself up.”

 “He’s gonna hurt himself if he keeps clawing at his throat like that.”

 He’s doing what now?

 Warm hands take each of his and…oh. Well, maybe he was.

 “That’s it,” Patton whispers, “easy…”

 “What…what’s going on?”

 “You did it,” Logan says softly, stroking his thumb along the back of Janus’s hand, “you figured it out.”

 “But—“ he swallows, still not used to the freedom in his throat— “I couldn’t do it.”

 “You weren’t supposed to do it on your own, Jan-Jan. We all had to do it, remember?”

 “That’s what you said, J.”

 “So we did,” Patton finishes, smiling at him, “and it worked.”

 “But—but I—“ Janus’s eyes flash up to catch Roman’s.

 Roman, who sat there and didn’t protest when Janus couldn’t say one nice thing about him.

 Roman, whom Janus has hurt so many times.

 Roman, who pried the thread away from Janus’s throat without blinking.

 Roman, who caught him, and is still here.

 “Maybe the next time we talk,” Roman says softly, “we can do it without that thread around your throat, hmm?”

 “I’m sorry.”

 “Shh, little snake,” he murmurs, gently stroking a tear away from Janus’s cheek, “I know. But not right now, okay? You’re still crying.”

 He is?

 Oh.

 “Close your eyes,” he encourages, his hand still cupping Janus’s face, “rest, we all need it.”

 “Did we—“ his tongue is heavy— “did we ever figure out what happened?”

 “I believe Thomas had something of an identity crisis,” Logan remarks, “but we can figure that out later. For now…we should all try and go back to sleep.”

 “Great. Pop Star, budge.”

 “Hey! Kiddo!”

 “Ah. Much better.”

 “Pocket Protector, stop pretending you don’t wanna cuddle and get down here.”

 “In a moment, Remus, I need to take my glasses off.”

 “Ro-Bro! Get over here.”

 “Re, pulling me over Janus is not going to work.”

 “L, are you coming?”

 “Must you all be so impatient?”

 “Yes, my dear darling nerd, now come here.”

 Logan rolls his eyes and lies down, still holding Janus’s hand. On his other side, Roman leans Janus’s head into his chest and hums softly.

 “There. Now we’re all together again.”

 “Shut the fuck up, Princey, I’m trying to sleep.”

 “Shut up yourself, then.”

 “Kiddos.”

 “Sorry, Pat.”

 Logan chuckles. Remus shifts on the edge of the blanket nest. Roman tilts Janus’s chin up.

 “Are you alright,” he whispers as the others drift off to sleep, “not hurt?”

 Janus shakes his head. “I…was it really a lie?”

 “Was what really a lie, little snake?”

 “…you said ‘I hate you.’”

 “Oh, that.” Roman chucks him lightly under the chin. “What does your mouth taste like?”

 …sweet.

 It’s sweet.

 Oh.

  Oh.

 Roman smiles. “Go to sleep, little snake.”

 The Sides fall asleep in the Mindscape, threads wearing them tightly together.

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I’ve been trying to debug the taglist recently, so I’ve taken off some URLs that don’t seem to be working anymore. If that happens to be yours and you want back on, let me know!

#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #fic #janus sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders

[woniepop]

feel special ༉‧₊˚✧

➜ the three times you didn’t want to be Karl’s best friend any more and the one time you weren’t

Pairing: Karl Jacob’s x Fem!Reader

Genre: fluff, best friends to lovers au, enemies to lovers au

Warnings: Mentions of bullying, cursing

Word Count: 2.0k words

a/n: hi everyone! this is my first time writing for a mcyt streamer, but unfortunately I will not be writing works for more streamers anytime soon. This is for my lovely friend basil Ly and losingvienna’s follower event, which you should definitely check out of you are in to mcyt streamers!!

I highly recommend checking @basilly and @losingvienna out if you haven’t already!!

Ever since you met Karl, you’ve hated everything about him. He was sweet, he was caring, he was everything you’ve ever wanted in anyone. From the moment he stepped foot in your kindergarten your life had become a living hell. He was great! You on the other hand, had never felt more miserable in your life. It had never occurred to you that being different was a bad thing, but apparently, to your whole kindergarten class of 26 kids, it was terrible. But, somehow, amidst the screaming kids and the poorly colored art projects, Karl only saw you.

Your fellow kindergarten classmates stared at you, perhaps a bit too judgingly, as you sat down in your seat. Feeling super excited to come to school today, your grandma has recently gotten you your very own pink sundress, equipped with a pink satin ribbon to tie a cute little bow in the back. You wanted your classmates to like you, so you had to be the prettiest you could ever be. 

“Why are you wearing a dress to school? Do you think you’re a princess?” one of the children say, rather, shout across the room. And with that, the whole class starts laughing, except you. 

“What? Are you trying to impress someone?”

“OOO Y/N HAS A CRUSH!”

“I bet it’s Karl”

“Of course it is. She just wants to daaaaaaate him, doesn’t she?”

With tears welling up in your eyes and boogers dripping down your nose, you quickly stand up just to take the hall pass and run to the nearest bathroom. It was humiliating, feeling like you had tried so hard to make friends just to get laughed at. It felt terrible. 

You were NOT excited for your first day of high school. Why would you be? It was just another year of “light hearted” jokes about you and how you were “so different.” Settling with a seat in the back, you tilt your head down only for the teacher to walk in right after. 

“Good morning, students! Welcome to your first day of Freshman Year! I’m sure you’re all very excited for these next four years, but before that why don’t we all introduce ourselves to each other!” The teacher says, in a high pitch, peppy voice. You had stopped listening to her after that. You already knew what was going to happen, you were going to be paired up with some immature male football player looking for a tall, hot, and blonde cheerleader girlfriend, then he was going to say something stupid like, “Girls like you aren’t really my type.” No shit you weren’t his type. It happened every year. Feeling a light tap on your shoulder, you force your head up, preparing yourself for the dreadful introduction. 

“Hi! I believe we’re partners for the All About Me project. May I sit here?” he says, pointing to the chair beside you. He, as in Karl Jacobs. The Karl Jacobs. The man, the myth, the legend, the boy that filled your entire life with “She just wants to date Karl. She’s such an attention whore.” With that, your eyes widen. You weren’t expecting him, nor were you ever this mad about anything in your life. You didn’t want to know anything about him, let alone do a whole project learning about him. 

“Yeah, you can sit there.” You answer through clenched teeth. 

“Thanks! I’m pretty sure we’re not going to be able to finish this within the period considering there are like 30 questions, so did you want to work on this in the library after school?” he asks.

“Sure.” You say promptly, not even bothering to make eye contact with him. 

“I believe we went to the same elementary school, but I haven’t really gotten the chance to talk to you, so I’m glad we got to be partners for this project. I’m excited to get to know you.” He says, a glint of hope in his eyes. You hated it. Was he actually being nice? To you? 

The rest of the period would have been answering all the questions on the list, but instead you guys had been side tracked, going off topic and talking about anything and everything. Putting aside your hatred for the boy, Karl seemed like a genuinely nice person. You had learned he loved gaming, which he was surprised you had a knack for as well. 

“Well, Y/n, I’m sorry we couldn’t get a lot done this period. But, I’ll see you at the library later, and maybe we can even try out that new game you talked about tonight.” He says, standing up out of his chair and leaving the classroom. Maybe today wouldn’t be too bad after all.

ONE “Move!” you say, playfully shoving Karl off of you. It was the summer before your senior year, and you would have never guessed that you, Y/n L/n, would be spending your whole high school career with the boy you loathed most, Karl Jacobs. If there was ever anything you'd ever looked forward to, it was spending every Friday night with Karl Jacobs. That fateful day at the library was the start of the best tradition ever known to man. 

“But we’re watching a movie!” Karl exclaims. 

“So? You don’t need to watch it while squishing me half to death.”

“What do you mean? Have you ever heard of CUDDLING?” 

“Cuddling has never consisted of MURDER.” 

It was always like this. Every Friday night Karl would come to your house, your mom would gush at how handsome he was while she set a plate down of whatever food he wanted, and him telling her that she was the best cook ever. This is what you’ve always wanted, right? You had a best friend, who accepted you as you were, and you him. Despite always having heartwarming and laughter filled moments with your best friend, your heart hurt. A lot. Maybe the moment was just too heartwarming, or maybe this was the universe telling you that you didn’t want to be his friend anymore. 

TWO “Hey, Karl!” she says. Ah, yes. Her. Karl’s childhood crush since what? Fourth grade? 

“Oh, um, Hi!” He replies. There it was. That dreadful pain in your chest that only grew bigger as she sat down right next to him, disregarding the fact that you were sitting right there. The way she twirled her long blonde hair, the way she leaned over to show all of her cleavage, the way she wore skirts so short you could almost see her underwear, and the way it made your blood boil and your heart hurt until you couldn’t handle it anymore. You wanted to walk away so bad, but as Karl’s best friend you should support him in his romantic interests, even if you didn’t like them. 

“So… I’m sure you’ve heard already. I broke up with my boyfriend.” she says, tracing her finger up and down his arm, making him noticeably very nervous.

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m always here.” You hear him say. Of course he was always here. He was there for everyone, and he would never try to exclude anyone from his kindness. 

“I broke up with him because of you!”

“W-what”

“I want to be with you, silly!” she says. And with that, you felt your whole world go black and white. Did you hear her correctly? She wanted to be with him?

“I- I’m sorry, I can’t be with you.” 

“WHAT?!? BUT I BROKE UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND JUST TO BE WITH YOU!”

“Well I’m sorry, but I love someone else. You should’ve consulted me before you threw away your relationship.”

Did you hear HIM correctly? He loves someone? You couldn’t take it anymore and excused yourself. Yet again, you ran to the bathroom feeling the same pain in your chest only 10 times worse. You didn’t want to be Karl’s friend anymore. Not like this.

THREE “I can’t believe you’re moving to California, Y/n” Karl says as he pushes his hair back, sighing in disbelief. “You’re really going to leave me?” He continues, tears welling up in his eyes as he turns to look at you with his signature puppy eyes. 

“I have to! It’s always been my dream to go to college there!” You reply, feeling guilty for leaving behind everything for your dream. 

“But I’ll miss you!” he says, fully knowing facetime exists, and you would always visit him during breaks. 

“I’ll miss you too! But, I need to do this. Can you stay strong? For me?” you ask, cupping his face with your left hand. You had gone on one of your late night drives again, parking in an empty parking lot as you have deep late night conversations. Today’s topic happened to be college, and while it had been always known you were moving across the country after high school, the day was coming closer and it all felt too real.

 As Karl leans his face into your hand, he lets out a yawn. “I guess it’s time to go back then.” you say.

“No, I don’t want to. I have to spend every second with you until you leave.” he whines. You wanted to as well, but then, there it was. The stinging in the back of your heart. You were tired of it. You hated feeling this way. You didn’t want to be Karl’s friend anymore.

THE END The warm summer air blew past you as you and Karl sit atop your roof, staring into the distance in the comfortable silence that was there from the moment Karl got to your house. Neither of you had spoken a word but neither of you cared. You just wanted to be with him. What would’ve made the night perfect was if you weren’t getting on the plane the very next morning, moving across the country. 

Building up as much courage as you could, you said the three words you’ve been wanting to say ever since you had become friends. You were leaving, but before that you wanted more than anything else to let him know this. “I love you.” You say, causing his eyes to go wide. You… loved him? That was impossible. 

“Yeah, I love you too.” He says casually. 

“No. I love you more than in a friendly way.” You reply.

“Really? Why?” He asks in disbelief.

“I don’t know. Maybe it was because you were my first friend, but it’s definitely because you’re you. I’ve been bullied almost my whole life, and you know that. But, no matter how the world brings me down, and even when hurtful words stab me, I can smile again. Because you’re there.” You say, tears rolling down your face. You pause, before continuing on about how much he means to you. “I mean, my whole life, one moment I feel like I’m nothing at all. Like no one would notice if I were gone. But then you came! And I was so happy. Or maybe it’s cause you make me feel loved. But when I’m with you, I feel so special.” 

And with that, Karl makes no hesitation in cupping your cheeks, silently wiping away your tears. In that moment, he decides that he doesn't want to be your friend anymore either. Leaning in, he whispers, “I love you too.” before he crashes his lips onto yours.

#karl jacobs #karl jacobs x reader #karl jacobs fic #mcyt fanfiction #mcyt fluff #mcyt angst #karl x reader #karl fluff #karl jacobs fluff #mcyt x reader #best friends to lovers #enemies to lovers #mcyt au #mcytumblr #mcyt fic

[pale-silver-comb]

So I know absolutely nothing about Leverage except what I've been seeing you post lately and I have to admit you're making it look tempting to watch! Can I ask what are some of your favorite things about the show/reasons you would suggest people watch it? And is there really a poly relationship that is canon?

Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I am going to do my best not to just “asdfghkjl” at you and answer coherently.

In a nutshell, Leverage is about 5 people. 4 are criminals (Parker, Hardison, Eliot and Sophie) with different and unique skill-sets and 1 is an ex-insurance investigator (Nate) who, at one point or another in his career, has tracked down (or at least attempted to) the other 4. The whole show is essentially: man reluctantly reforms 4 criminals to use their criminal powers for good and 4 criminals move into man’s life and stubbornly refuse to leave because, goddammit, now they have morals. 

I’ve got a lot of favourite things about the show but the main ones are as follows:

1. Found family. And I’m not talking about loners who come together to fight crime and happen to co-exist to the point where they realise they happen to have found themselves a family. I mean, Nate and Sophie are the Drunk Uncle and Wine Aunt who somehow become Mom and Dad to 3 beautiful criminal children. Mom and Dad love their criminal babies and the kids love them (as well as each other, but we’ll come to that in a moment). You get amazing family moments such as: Mom and Dad packing the kids lunch before sending them out to kick corporate greed’s ass; Mom and Dad giving the kids ridiculously expensive and personal Christmas presents causing their most Grumpy Kid to go very very quiet and soft as he runs off to gleefully play with his new murder toy; the kids interrupting Mom and Dad’s big Movie Style Kiss to ask if they can please keep their new underground layer and huffing and puffing when Dad tells them no.

2. Found family: the OT3 edition. To answer your question, the OT3 is indeed canon, confirmed by the creator. Now, usually, “confirmed by the creator” infuriates me because most of the time it’s a way for a creator to be seen as “progressive” without doing anything to actually be progressive. That isn’t the case here. The OT3 are built up carefully and while it is obvious the creators didn’t originally intend for all 3 of them to become a relationship in the romantic sense, by mid-season 5 we are given a very clear picture of where Parker, Hardison and Eliot are heading in their relationship. There aren’t any kisses at the end to signal this but there are solid marriage vows in not only one but two episodes. (And by marriage vows I mean literal equivalents of marriage vows: “for better or worse” and “’til death do us part”. I’m not even exaggerating). The OT3 also doesn’t need explicit romantic narratives to convey how much they love each other. Their love is laced through the whole show, from the way they teach each other things to the way they respond to each other and work as a unit. The way they fiercely protect and admire each other. Like someone once said, if you need characters to kiss or say I love you to let the audience know they love each other, you are writing them wrong. 

Aside from that, each of the parings in the OT3 are just. Gah. They are so well done, with friendship being the solid basis for them all. The creators never expect the audience to assume anything about them or fill in the gaps. They give us their relationships on screen and reference many things off-screen to show us how these relationships continue to build in between episodes.

Hardison and Parker are a canon couple and date in the show: it’s approached slowly and they are so goddamned sweet. They are basically every fluffy slow-burn trope with a healthy dash of mutual pining in the mix. They are basically that quote “love is patient, love is kind”. (I would like to add their romance never becomes the focus of the show or overrides the importance of any other relationship they have with the other characters, especially Eliot.)

Hardison and Eliot are the Old Married Couple and from day one are already bickering and looking at each other/making comments that are found in every UST fic ever (not to mention Hardison has a very good knack for making Eliot grin like a little kid, when usually he’s basically an Angry Little Chef Man). They argue, they play, and love each other plain as day. 

Parker and Eliot are more subtle but every bit as wonderful. They have an unspoken connection and understand each other on a level no-one else can. Parker and Eliot are not good with giving themselves over to affection for different reasons (and Hardison plays a central role in helping them realise it’s okay to want it and have it- that boy has endless patience) but there is something so beautiful in the way the two of them come together on their own and develop their own special bond that works for them. Parker and Eliot are that trope where the characters don’t need to speak to understand each other perfectly. They just do. Their love language is a lot of the time non-verbal but speaks volumes. (Parker also likes to annoy the hell out of Eliot and Eliot....just.....lets...her. Because he’s soft. The softest, grumpiest boy.) 

I could go into so much depth for each pairing and their dynamics as a 3 but that's for another post.

3. Subverting stereotypes. There is the occasional hiccup in the show regarding stereotypes but ultimately, Leverage gets an A+ when it comes to writing characters and making them 3 dimensional people who are not defined by certain characteristics or events. Nate could so easily fall into the White Man Pain trope where he uses the trauma of losing his kid as a reason as to why he is entitled to act like a dick. Nate is a dick but he doesn’t use his pain to excuse it and I appreciate that. Hardison is a black man who is soft and nurturing. Easily the most empathetic and patient of the group. He’s nerdy, an actual genius, and has the biggest heart of all the characters. Nate is maybe the glue but Hardison is definitely the heart. Media’s usual aggressive, amongst other, racist stereotypes can fuck right off. Parker is canonically autistic (I am sure this was confirmed by one of the creators) and she is not defined by it. It’s not written as some kind of singular personality trait. It’s part of what makes up Parker but it’s only one facet of who she is and not once is her actions, thoughts or feelings treated like a joke. Sometimes people don’t understand why she does and says the things she does but it’s met with patience and fondness over the course of the show. Equally, it’s not met with over-caution. Parker is just Parker. No-one tries to change her. The other nice thing is Hardison, who always makes sure Parker knows she’s amazing because of who she is and not in spite of it. Finally, Sophie is in her 40s. She’s not treated like she’s past her prime. Ever. She’s sexy, smart and never is she pitted against or compared to Parker (who is younger) for anything. Sophie is amazing and there’s never even a conversation of “I may be older but I am still *insert adjective typically associated with younger women here*”. Sophie is possibly the first female character I’ve ever seen who isn’t just unapologetic about her age but has never had to apologise for her age. It’s a non-issue and that’s that. The women on the show are written so well, right down to secondary characters and it’s beyond refreshing.  

4.) It’s just fun. The show has a “monster of the week” type format. Except instead of a ghoul or a ghost, the monster is some corrupt wealthy and powerful individual or organisation. The show draws on real-life individuals to do this and therefore closely parallels real-life people and events. It addresses important political, economical, social and environmental issues while at the same time remaining fun and light-hearted. The characters constantly get the chance to play dress up and by GOD do they have fun with it. You get to watch Eliot beat up bad guys in the most delightful of ways, usually after a witty non-sequitur and with a weapon you’d never think could be a weapon. The dialogue and back and forth between the characters is everything. And finally - my favourite thing- the team can never resist striking a dramatic pose after they’ve taken down the bad guy, making sure the bad guy sees them. I mean, they COULD just walk away, satisfied they’ve taken the person down, but nope. They gotta be dramatic bitches 24/7 and pose like they are models for every single month of this year’s Criminal Calendar.  

5.) Competence Porn. So. Much. Competence Porn.  

Honestly, I could list a thousand reasons for why Leverage is amazing but to list them would to be spoiling so many amazing moments you’d get to discover for the first time on your own if you do choose to watch it. It’s the kind of show you can watch with an eagle-eye and sink your teeth into. But it’s also the kind of show if, you would prefer, put on in the background for something entertaining while you do something else. Each episode is about the job at hand but it’s made up of so many moments between the characters that show how much the creators and writers care about them. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll do whatever it is you do when something Soft and Wonderful happens that makes your heart melt. I am so beyond grateful for Leverage. It’s everything I always wanted in a show. Nearly every show I’ve watched in the past 10 years has disappointed me in some way, usually either because the writers run out of steam or characters who I love are treated poorly or given some kind of unnecessary “shock value” arc. Leverage doesn’t do that. Leverage is what it says on the bottle. Fandom isn’t something I joined because I needed canon fix-its. Fandom only enhances and celebrates an already excellent canon. 

#leverage #leverage ot3 #parker #alec hardison #eliot spencer #sophie devereaux #nate ford #talk leverage to me