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nordschleifes · 3 months

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what happens after midnight?

➝ it was just supposed to be ten months of fun and traveling the world. but you didn't count on your heart going against you

➝ word count: 6,5k

➝ warnings: sugar relationships, hospitals, smut

➝ author's note: finally a finished work!

The watch on your wrist indicated that it was 5:30 PM. Pursing your lips, you watched through the screen set up in hospitality as the blue and pink car pulled into the pits for the second time. The momentary confusion that took over the place was replaced by frustration when the engineer's voice sounded across the room.

— Let's retire the car.

The silence that followed could seem melancholic, even given the context. However, you knew that the man inside the car was biting his tongue, holding back all the words that the frustration of yet another race unfinished that season, on that very day, would make him shout over the radio.

“I’m not a kid to whine, Y/N”, you heard him repeat in your mind, the phrase accompanied by the mischievous smile that made your internal organs turn into jelly. You had no idea what it would be like to live without seeing that smile.

Seeing that he was out of the car, you got up from your desk and silently slipped through the halls of the team facility. Something about that lonely walk made your heart sink even more, until you found the door with his name, the white letters against the navy blue background.

Fernando Alonso.

Your paths crossed months ago. With your student debt growing and the salary you earned during your internship being barely enough to pay your share of the bills for the apartment you lived in with a colleague, you decided to turn to the suggestion of one of your friends, whose life you had given a turning point after registering on a website specializing in sugar relationships.

The first few weeks were unpromising. The guys you had expressed interest in seemed more interested in more pictures of your breasts than in actually talking to you and coming to an agreement. Until, during a break in your shift at the hospital, a suggested profile caught your attention.

The main photo appeared to be professional, taken on the deck of a yacht, and showed a man with dark hair and the shadow of a smile on his face with his arms crossed. The other images were more informal, one taken next to an airplane window and another in the gym, a headband and the bulging veins on his neck indicating that he was exerting himself.

In the profile description, he presented himself as Fernando, a 41-year-old Spaniard looking for someone who could accompany him on his travels in exchange for a generous payment. The idea of getting paid to travel seemed interesting, but it definitely didn't fit with your idea of continuing your studies to become a doctor in Miami.

That night, you ended up not touching the heart on the screen.

However, as fate would have it, at the end of your internship, you did not receive the letter of recommendation that you needed so much to apply for the residency program that you had dreamed of since the beginning of your degree. You were passionate about the field of pediatrics and the idea of working in one of the great children's hospitals in Florida, the Holtz Children's Hospital, were always in your mind.

— Y/N, it is clear that, despite you being an excellent intern, you have been making silly mistakes when filling out the forms and records — your advisor said during your last meeting — Furthermore, the reports are far below what we expect from a student with your ability.

— But, my grades…

— They are sufficient, yes, but the program requires more than grades, Y/N — he said, as he removed his glasses — It requires residents to be in their best shape, both academically and mentally. And it's clear to me that you don't meet the second requirement.

You blinked. Was it so obvious that you were tired?

— So, what should I do? — you asked, trying to swallow the lump in your throat.

— I would advise you to try to apply for it next year.

— But, what can I do until then?

— I would recommend that you rest a little before continuing with your plans — he replied, smiling — Maybe learning a new hobby would be good. That or even a trip around the world, who knows.

Leaving your advisor's office with your dreams postponed had been a blow to you. However, his words reminded you of the man who was looking for someone to travel with. Sitting in your car, you searched for his profile and, after a deep sigh, you typed a short message, a simple question.

Still looking for a travel companion?

The answer didn't take long and came in a playful tone.

So obvious?

Well, that's what it says on your profile.

Good to know that you read it.

I thought it was something basic.

You'd be amazed at how many women don't read it before sending a message.

I can't blame them, your photos are much more interesting.

The conversation between you flowed almost naturally. He seemed intelligent, good-natured and, above all, interested in your life and career, asking questions and sharing little details, like the fact that his sister was also a doctor, just like you wanted to be. It was impossible to deny that there was an interesting chemistry between you.

However, this was not a flirting game, but rather, a business deal.

Do you still want to accompany me on my travels?

Well, I wouldn't be answering you if I wasn't interested, would I?

Very funny.

I'm just being honest.

Looking at the three dots flashing on the screen, there was some anticipation building up in your chest.

I like honesty. It's a good quality.

I assume you're honest too.

I am. So much so that I want to do this the right way. Can we meet next week?

Will you be in Miami?

In fact, in New York. But I can take a detour, what do you think?

Perfect.

Your first meeting was at a high-end Japanese restaurant, located on Claughton Island, called NAOE. You even thought you were in the wrong place, since the space was completely empty except for the employees who were preparing the dishes next to the chef, who was wearing a sort of white kimono. However, after identifying yourself, the maître d' confirmed that you were in the right place and asked you to sit at the only table that had been prepared there, conveniently behind a bamboo screen.

Fernando arrived shortly after, making you jump to your feet.

— Good evening, Y/N — he said, before placing a chaste kiss on your cheek — It's a pleasure to finally meet you.

— The pleasure is all mine.

After settling in at the table, the waiter wrote down the drinks you had chosen before returning to the kitchen. However, the request from the man in front of you only made you even more curious.

— Aren't you going to drink anything tonight?

Fernando smiled a little.

— I don’t drink.

— Never?

— Never. After I realized that alcohol wouldn't make me go faster, I chose to give it up — he replied — I don't smoke either, if that's your next question.

—Actually, my next question would be if I can drink in your presence — you smiled.

— As far as I know, we haven't signed anything. You can do whatever you want.

Dinner continued without any of you mentioning the agreement that had made him fly to Miami to see you. However, at the same time as you were eager to settle everything with him, something told you to let him bring up the subject.

— Are you always this quiet? — Fernando asked, as he put down the glass of water.

— No — you said, after swallowing the piece of sushi you were chewing.

— So there's something bothering you.

— No, there isn't.

He stared into your eyes, seeming to read between the lines of your words. Then, he let out a sigh, reaching into his pants’ pocket and taking out his cell phone.

— You want to talk about our agreement, don't you?

— Well, that's what you came here to do, isn't it?

— Actually, my intention was just to enjoy some good Japanese food alongside an interesting woman — Fernando said, while searching for something on the device — But, if you prefer to get straight to the point...

He held out the phone toward you. When you picked it up, you noticed that there was a document on the screen, with the title “Relationship Agreement” in bold letters at the top of it. Something about those words made your stomach churn with tension.

— I asked my lawyer to write a draft to guide our conversation. However, I want to make it clear that there are some topics that are non-negotiable for me…

— Sex? — you asked, raising an eyebrow.

— Confidentiality — Fernando replied — I'm a discreet person when it comes to my personal life and the last thing I want is my face on the cover of gossip magazines.

— So sex is negotiable?

— You're very interested in this topic, aren't you?

— Are you not interested?

A mischievous smile appeared on Fernando's lips.

— No — he replied — It's in the contract, if you want to take a look. Page three, if I'm not mistaken.

You scrolled through the document until you found the section that talked about intimacy, reading it carefully. In the document, sexual relations and any contact that could be classified as such were completely prohibited, as your relationship would be limited to the emotional context.

— This means…

— That I don't want sex from you. I just want your company, guapa.

— And you're going to pay me for this? — you raised an eyebrow.

— Yes, as described in the section on financial support — Fernando replied — The trips will be paid by me, as well as all your expenses while you are accompanying me. I will also give you a monthly allowance to do whatever you want with it.

You looked at his phone again, thoughtfully.

— You'll have an apartment in Monaco too — he murmured, as he ran his index finger along the rim of his glass.

— I will? Why?

— Because I want you around, Y/N. Besides, making you come back here every time will be too exhausting. Believe me, the first time is amazing, but after doing this for 20 years, flying has become the part I hate most about my job.

Pursing your lips, you looked up at the driver.

— And how long would that be valid?

— Until midnight of November 20th.

That's how you agreed to become Fernando's traveling companion, as he preferred to put it. And you could only describe those last few months as “a dream”.

When the door to the small room opened, you jumped up in the chair you were in, waking up suddenly from your daydreams. On the wall, the clock indicated that it was already past 6PM. Walking through the door, Fernando held a white towel in his hand and a bottle of water, keeping his head down. Behind him, Edoardo, his physiotherapist, was saying something in Italian, which he wasn't paying attention to.

— Prepare qui le nostre cose e, dopo la gara, lasceremo tutto alle persone dell'Aston — the driver replied, before raising his head and finding you in front of him. Pursing your lips, you fought your own frustration to be open to accepting his. And today, more than ever, Fernando needed you.

Dropping his things haphazardly on a small table placed next to the door, he walked over to you in silence, allowing you to wrap your arms around him and hug him. The silence that followed made your heart tighten in his chest. It wasn't the end of the season he deserved, quite the opposite.

— What happened? — you asked.

— Water pump — Fernando replied, the irritation evident in his voice — That shitbox…

You let out a sigh, stroking the back of his neck.

— It's okay, Fer. Now it's over.

Lifting his head, the driver looked at you, brushing aside a strand of your hair.

— Yeah. It’s over.

— Are you happy? — you asked in a low voice.

— That it’s over? I think so — Fernando said, while you watched a drop of sweat run down his temple — But, I have the feeling that I could have done it differently.

— Differently?

— I think I waited too long, guapa — he murmured.

— But it's over now. And you will move on, to a new place, with new people.

Fernando smiled a little.

— Yeah, I will.

He walked away from you to change, taking off his overalls and underwear to put on his shorts and blue team shirt. Meanwhile, you approached the table where his things were, such as his cell phone, his pass and the blue cap he had been wearing all day. Taking the accessory, you turned to him, who was sitting in a chair, tying his sneakers.

— Your cap — you said, smiling.

— Is my hair that bad?

You nodded, causing Fernando to laugh before stretching his hand towards you. However, you didn't hand it to him, preferring to push the strands that were on his forehead before positioning the accessory on his head. After arranging the strands at the back, he stood up with a smile.

— Thank you, guapa — the driver said, giving you a kiss on the cheek before heading towards the door and, consequently, the cameras that awaited him. After the door closed, your eyes found the hands of the clock on the wall.

“There’s still a long way to go”, you thought.

Between meetings, photos, goodbyes, welcomes and a long break for dinner, you and Fernando arrived at the double room you shared late at night. However, contrary to what you expected that morning, you didn't feel relief that the marathon was over or anxiety about finally catching your plane back to the United States.

You felt an almost suffocating sadness.

— What time does your flight leave tomorrow? — Fernando asked, settling down on the sofa in the small hall that connected the rooms while you placed your bag on the table in front of the television.

— Eight in the morning, I guess — you murmured, turning your face towards him — Why?

— Not at all, I just — he hesitated for a few seconds, running a hand through his hair — I wanted to know.

— Do you want to take me to the airport?

— Sincerely? No.

The coldness of the response made your throat tighten. Part of you wished he had replied that he wanted to take you to the airport. Part of you wanted him to say that he would like to spend every possible second by your side before you, inevitably, had to follow your own paths, your own destinies, that weren't tied to each other.

— You think it will be easier this way, don't you? — you murmured, trying to hide the pain in your voice.

— No — he replied, his eyes searching yours. You didn't want to look at him, but at the same time, you knew that this could be the last time you would do that — I think, one way or another, it's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

The silence in that room was the longest that had ever stretched between you during all those months of coexistence.

— Why would it be?

— It doesn't matter now, Y/N.

You pressed your lips together, feeling something tighten in your throat.

Going back to Miami was the last thing you wanted at that moment. You wanted to be by his side. You wanted to wake up every day to his voice humming some song whose lyrics you didn't understand. You wanted to see the smile on his face every time you commented on an article about pediatrics that you had read.

However, you needed to go back. Those last few months had just been a detour, a break from his monotonous routine. There were people, commitments, a residency whose selection you had passed with flying colors, a lifetime of taking care of children waiting for you to move on.

And moving forward meant leaving Fernando behind.

You didn't notice the moment the first tear ran down your face, nor the second. But you noticed the movement of the driver in front of you, approaching with heavy steps. Placing his hands on your face, his expression was serious, almost dark, contrasting with the heat in his eyes.

— I have to let you go in peace — Fernando said softly, his thumb sliding over one of the tears that was stuck on your cheek.

Your lower lip trembled. You just wish it were all easier.

— Please, Y/N — Fernando continued — Don't ask me to take you to the airport. Don't ask me to say goodbye to you. Don't ask me to see you leaving, because I won't bear seeing you get on a plane without me.

At that moment, you had no idea if you would be able to get on a plane in a few hours. Not without Fernando by your side, carrying his trusty black backpack and making some comment about having a sweatshirt ready for you to wear when you get cold during the flight.

So, you asked the only question your mind was capable of formulating.

— What time is it?

— What?

— What time is it, Fernando? — you repeated, seriously.

Still holding his face, he turned his wrist slightly to look at the hands of the black Richard Mille he was wearing.

— Two past midnight — he murmured — You’re free now.

— No, I'm not free — you replied, bringing your face closer to his.

— But…

— I stopped being free a long time ago, Fernando.

Fernando's expression seemed sad, which made your heart feel heavy inside your chest.

You didn't know how to explain to Fernando that you would never be free again simply because you were completely in love with him. So much so that you hadn't even realized the exact moment it had happened.

Maybe it was the day he saw you reading an article about early childhood nutrition and asked you to explain the impact of cow's milk on babies. Maybe it was the day he took you on his motorbike to a viewpoint so you could watch the sunset over Monaco. Maybe it was the moment he introduced his world to you, describing every detail with enchanting passion. Maybe it was the day you pressed that heart on your cell phone screen, right below his photo.

And no piece of paper could control what your heart felt.

Using whatever courage you had left, you tilted your head and closed your eyes, brushing your lips against his. The touch was delicate and subtle, but enough to fill your chest with an almost unbearable heat. You had thought so much about what that moment would be like, fantasized so much about the different possibilities, imagined so many times what it would be like to be in Fernando's arms, that you felt a little hesitant about continuing.

However, the decision about the direction of that shy kiss was made by the driver. Moving closer to you, he placed your mouth completely against his, hands sliding towards the back of your neck. After a few seconds, he pulled away, panting.

— Y/N…

— Please, Fer.

However, he pulled away from you, pain evident in his green-stained eyes.

— No, Y/N — Fernando said, in a firm tone — Don't make this more difficult than it needs to be for both of us.

— You're the one who's making it difficult — you replied, feeling more tears filling your eyes — I want this...

— But you don't need this — he growled — You need to go back to your city, to your apartment, to your life. And this life has no place for me, just as there is no place for you in mine.

The statement was like a punch in the gut. Taking a step back, the feeling was of having awakened from the best dream of your life to find a true nightmare. Mentally, you questioned everything that had happened so far, from the dinner in Miami to that kiss permeated by your desire for him that had been repressed for so long. “So it was all a lie?”, you thought, as he walked towards his room.

— Fer…

— Goodbye, Y/N — he murmured over his shoulder, before disappearing into the dim light, with the door closing behind him.

Your skin felt cold, even in the residual desert heat that remained inside the suite. It was almost unbelievable that this would be the end of those ten months of smiles, jokes and laughter as the two of you traveled the world. A dry and cruel goodbye, without even looking back.

Walking slowly towards your room, you couldn't help but feel a strange emptiness inside your chest. Dropping down on the mattress anyway, you realized how exhausted you were, both physically, courtesy of the intense pace of a race day, and emotionally, with the mix of completely opposite feelings that made your lower lip tremble.

You felt that it was unfair, that the way you were being discarded by Fernando was cruel, not to mention painful. And the worst part was not being able to understand the reason for that attitude, for that cold look that shattered your heart. However, your rational side soon began to whisper in the back of your mind, condemning you for believing that he could see you beyond who you were from the beginning.

An acquisition. A product. A pretty thing for him to drag around the circuits.

That realization made tears run down your face, anger and sadness spilling out of you and making you sob loudly. You even thought about smothering your crying with the pillow, but you didn't move, allowing it to echo off the walls of the room, until it lulled you into a deep, dreamless sleep.

You woke up to the sound of your cell phone's alarm clock. Rubbing your eyes, you stared at the ceiling for long seconds before finally working up the courage to get up from the bed and move forward.

Exactly as Fernando had asked.

As soon as you arrived in Miami, you decided to buy, with the money you had saved in the last few months, a studio near the beach, in addition to arranging the documentation for your residency at Holtz Children's Hospital, which was about to begin. Watching the fireworks that lit up the sea and announced the arrival of a new year, you promised yourself that the months to come would be better than the previous ones.

And by better, you meant no trips, no adventures and no crazy things.

No looks, no jokes, no laughter.

No men, no athletes, no Fernando.

The first few months passed in a blur. Hospital shifts took up much of your time, and your free time was spent reading articles about intriguing cases and organizing your new place. You didn't even notice spring arriving in the city, much less the anticipation for the great sporting event that the city would host in the following weeks.

You were making your first round of the rooms in the west wing of the hospital when, upon entering a room, you came across a little boy playing with a model of a dark blue Formula 1 car. Swallowing hard, you smiled widely.

— Good morning, Mrs. Melendi.

The boy's mother jumped up from her armchair.

— Good morning, doctor — she replied — Greet her, Omar.

The boy looked up at you.

— Hi.

— Good morning, Omar — you greeted him, placing one of your hands on the guard of his bed — How are you feeling today?

— Well — he replied, returning his attention to the cart.

— He spent the night better, doctor, breathing better. But he is still coughing a lot and complains of chest pain.

Accessing Omar's chart on your iPad, you pursed your lips as you thought. The boy's body should already be fighting harder against the infection in his lungs, but his history of asthma didn't make you so optimistic in this regard. This was one of those cases that would ask for patience, both from you and from the boy's mother.

— Well, the night has already brought a good sign. However, the cough will still persist for a while, as the body is trying to get this fluid out somehow. For now, let's continue with what was prescribed and I'll ask the physiotherapy team to send someone here to do some exercises to speed up the release of this secretion, okay?

— Doctor, does this mean I'll be able to see Checo?

You blinked, trying to process if you had understood correctly.

— Who?

— Checo, the Formula 1 driver! — Omar exclaimed — He's going to race here this week!

The Miami Grand Prix, you had completely forgotten about that.

— Ah, I see — you smiled — Everything will depend on your progress. If you take your medication correctly and undergo rehabilitation, I can try to release you by Friday. What do you think?

The boy agreed to your proposal, seeming excited about the prospect of seeing his idol race. However, as you left the room, you felt completely dazed, the memories of the previous year filling your eyes with tears.

That was a weekend of ups and downs, with a punishment causing Fernando to lose the measly two points he had managed to gain. However, those days had been worth it just for the opportunity to introduce him to your city and see how he was enchanted by every detail.

— Doctor? Are you okay? — someone asked you. Looking to the side, you found one of the nurses looking at you somewhat confused.

— Yes, everything is fine.

— Did something happen to Omar?

— No, he's progressing well — you replied, trying to compose yourself — I'm going to ask the rehabilitation staff to do a respiratory therapy session to speed up the drainage of fluids.

— Is the medication dosage still the same?

— Yes, everything’s the same — you murmured, before continuing your rounds, trying to ignore the memories that had been awakened during the visit to Omar's room. However, the task became more difficult when a notification with a painfully familiar name appeared on your cell phone during one of your breaks.

Hi, how are you?

Staring at the screen in almost disbelief, you took a few seconds to type a response, trying to balance your emotions in a single line.

Hello, Fernando. I'm fine, thanks for asking.

Are you in Miami?

Yes, why?

I found your sweatshirt in my apartment. I wanted to give you back.

The photo that accompanied the message made something turn in your stomach. That was your favorite sweatshirt, the first one you had bought when you entered university, and at that point, you had already come to terms with the fact that it was lost forever.

Oh, do you want me to go take it back?

No, I can give it to you. Where are you?

I'm still in the hospital, you can leave it at reception.

I want to hand it personally to you. I can stop by your place later, what do you think?

You were already regretting your answer as you walked to the entrance of your studio, feeling suffocated by anxiety. However, when you opened the door, it was as if you had come to the surface to breathe again, the familiar warmth spreading through your chest.

In front of you was Fernando. He didn't seem to have changed at all since the last time you had seen him, on that fateful night in Abu Dhabi. With a shy smile on his face, he wore a green shirt with the familiar silver wings of Aston Martin, the team he was racing for that year, as well as a white box in his hands.

“This color makes him even more handsome”, you thought to yourself.

— Hi — the driver said softly.

— Hey.

— Can I enter?

— Yeah, sure — you replied, opening the way for him.

The driver passed you silently, taking in the space you were living in. Seeing him there, in the place you had chosen to recover after the mess that had been that Sunday in Abu Dhabi, was strange, not to say wrong. However, this was definitely not the time to question whether his presence there was appropriate or not.

— Everything’s good? — you asked, trying to start a dialogue with him.

— Yeah, all very well. And with you?

— All good.

— It's yours? — he questioned you, gesturing with his finger to refer to the place.

— Yeah, it's mine. I bought it as soon as I got back here — you replied.

Fernando approached a shelf where there were some photos of the trips you had taken with him. There were images from all over the world, from Japan to Brazil, some with your silhouette highlighted or even his. However, he didn't seem to notice that particular detail, as he pointed to another framed image.

— Sardinia?

— Monaco. It's the beach in front of your apartment.

The silence that stretched between you was long, almost deafening. Crossing your arms, you tried to maintain a neutral expression, trying to focus on anything other than the charming lock that fell across his forehead.

— Do you miss it? — Fernando asked.

— Monaco? Not much, I didn't spend enough time there.

— And me?

You looked away to the apartment door, giggling awkwardly.

— I thought you were coming to give me back my hoodie, not do an interrogation.

— Here's your hoodie — he said, harshly, extending the box towards you — And this isn't an interrogation, Y/N. I just asked a question.

— About how I feel about you — you murmured, taking the box and placing it on your dining table.

— Is it wrong to ask?

— When that question doesn't make any sense, yes, it's wrong — you replied, looking over your shoulder.

— Why?

— Because it's wrong, Fernando.

— That's not an answer, Y/N — he replied — Come on, why doesn't it make sense?

Turning at once, anger rose like a hot wave across the back of your neck.

— Because you just discarded me like I was a fucking defective toy.

Fernando looked at you, seriously.

— You know that's not how I see you.

— No? And when you said you didn't have any space in your life for me? Isn't that discarding?

— Y/N — the driver murmured, running a hand through his hair.

— What? — you growled — Is this the way you show that you like me, that you care about me? Saying you don't want me near you?

You didn't have time to react before he advanced towards you, stopping just inches from your face. Fernando was so close to you that you could feel the heat of his skin, as well as the warm and slightly sweet smell of the cologne he was wearing at that moment. It was different from what he normally wore, but it wasn't all bad.

— Would you rather I forbid you from returning? That I stopped you from realizing your dreams? — he returned — Would you prefer if I locked you in a cage or put a collar around your neck to have you all to myself?

The words were stuck in your throat, your bottom lip trembling.

— I know my place in your life, Y/N. And I can't fight it, I can't fight the fact that I can't go further.

— Can't, or don't want to? — you asked in a low voice.

Fernando stared at you for long seconds, as if he was measuring his own words. Bringing your hands up to his face, you stroked the gray speckled beard you loved so much but had never been able to convince him to keep.

— I can't — he murmured, as his thumbs drew circles on his cheek — Y/N, please...

— But you want it — you stated, your eyes going down to his mouth, where his tongue slid to moisten his own lips — You want me.

— Yes, but…

— Then take what you want. Kiss me, touch me, make me what I was from the beginning, from the moment you looked at me for the first time.

The seconds of silence that stretched after your words seemed endless. Bringing your face closer to his, your nose lightly touched Fernando's, almost as a foreshadowing of what was about to happen.

— Make me yours — you whispered.

The moment his lips touched yours was sublime. Your chest filled with a hot, overwhelming sensation, your hands gripping his face tightly. At that moment, you tried to hold on to that feeling of finally being in the place you always imagined yourself in: in Fernando's arms.

It didn't take long for his tongue to invade your mouth, his hands squeezing your waist and bringing your body closer, as if he wanted you two to become one. And personally, that was your only desire at that moment, as you slid your lips down his neck.

— You've always been a naughty girl, haven't you? — Fernando asked as soon as you nibbled on his ear, your fingers squeezing your skin — So naughty, so beautiful...

Taking a few steps back, the driver escaped from you momentarily, sitting on the gray sofa you had in the living room. With his hands to your shirt, you didn't need any words from him to rip it off your body, your shorts sliding down your legs soon after. Taking in the sight of you completely naked for the first time, an almost boyish gleam appeared in Fernando's eyes.

— You are much more beautiful than I imagined…

— You mean you imagined me naked? — you questioned with a suggestive smile, while positioning your knees next to his legs, straddling his lap.

— It's hard not to imagine when you wore those indecent little pajamas of yours to bed — he murmured, his hands sliding down your thighs, while you supported yourself on his shoulders — That baby blue one was wonderful.

— Do you want me to put it on?

A mischievous smile appeared on his lips.

— Now that I've taken off your clothes, I'm not going to ask you to put them back on — Fernando replied, taking his hand to his face and, with a subtle movement, bringing his lips to his in a delicate, almost careful kiss. It was up to you, after a few seconds, to wrap your arms around his neck and ask for passage to explore his mouth the way you wanted.

Sliding his hands down to your butt, the driver made you stand up, bringing his face to one of your breasts. The soft touch of his tongue made you shudder, your fingers digging into his dark curls as a moan escaped his lips.

— I could hear you moaning all night long — Fernando murmured against your skin, his eyes fixed on yours, getting drunk with the pleasure in your expression — Asking, begging for me, the way I always imagined...

It didn't take long for you to start to feel the arousal become uncomfortable, almost painful. You needed more, much more than just kisses and nibbles on your breasts. Lowering your hips just above the not-so-discreet bulge in his shorts, you looked at Fernando, trying to condense what you wanted into a look full of desire.

Without saying anything, he repositioned you a little back, giving him some space to open the button and zipper of your shorts, sliding them and your underwear down. The movement allowed his dick to be revealed, hard and particularly large, with the veins standing out along its length. Biting your lower lip, you brought your index finger to one of them, following the path from the base to the tip, feeling Fernando's muscles tense.

— What do you think?

Looking up at him, you smiled.

— Good.

—Wasn't that what you imagined?

— It's hard to say, since every time I imagined your dick, it was in my mouth or my pussy.

Bringing a hand to your face, Fernando caressed your cheek.

— You are very naughty.

You chose not to answer, rising again to align your own entrance with his cock. Then, you lowered yourself, feeling him enter inch by inch, settling inside you. Closing your eyes, you allowed a moan to escape your lips, as did Fernando, who grunted against your neck.

After a few seconds, you started to move, testing angles and rhythms, until you found one that you liked. With your hands resting on his shoulders, you alternated between quick vertical movements, followed by slower, deeper thrusts. At that point, her breasts were completely red, marked by Fernando's teeth and hickeys. Marks that you would carry with pride, because it was his mouth and his passion that had done it.

— You're so beautiful — he growled, as his hands roamed over her skin — How could I have been able to let you go...

You couldn't resist the urge to kiss him again, searching for Fernando's lips as if they were the surface and you were looking for air to breathe. In that tangle of arms, hands and fingers, you felt complete. Finally complete.

— I'm going to... Oh my God, Fer, I'm going to cum — you whimpered, as you slid your hips back and forth, rubbing your clit against his pubic bone. Noticing the agony in your expression, he slid his hand until he reached your most sensitive spot. Then, massaging it, he brought you to orgasm, making you let out a loud moan, your muscles shaking and your head lolling back.

Beneath his body, Fernando took a few seconds before reaching his peak, spilling himself inside you with a loud moan, his hands holding your hips tightly to stop your movement.

The silence inside the room wasn't complete due to your heavy breathing. With your forehead pressed against his, your eyes were closed, absorbing that moment and the entire range of feelings that filled your chest with an inexplicable warmth.

— Y/N — Fernando whispered.

— Yeah?

— What now?

You moved your face slightly away from his, analyzing his furrowed eyebrows and anxiety-filled brown eyes. You knew it was impossible to turn around or simply pretend it hadn't happened, especially when you were sure you wanted to do it several more times. But did he want that?

— Well, we have two ways — you started, brushing his bangs away from his forehead — We can classify this as an accident on the road and go back to our lives...

— No, definitely not.

— Or we can stop fooling ourselves and actually live this.

— This? — he raised an eyebrow.

— This. Our relationship — you tried to classify it.

— And by truly living, you mean…

— Without pretending that we don’t have feelings for eachother.

Fernando pressed his lips together, looking away from yours. He was definitely hesitant about taking that step. And you were sure you wouldn't let him leave you there, with that doubt hanging over you.

— Do you want me to come back with you to Europe? — you asked softly, making him look at you again.

— Would you come back?

— If you wanted.

The driver let out a heavy sigh.

— I don't want to ask you this, Y/N.

— Why not?

— Because I don't want you to give up everything for me and my career.

— You talk as if this is the only place in the world where there are hospitals accepting residents — you countered, placing your hands on his cheeks — I'll find a way, Fer. We'll find a way. But I ask you just one thing.

— What?

— Don't leave me here, alone.

Fernando smiled, bringing his face closer to yours.

— Never, guapa.

#fernando alonso fanfic #fernando alonso fic #nordswrites #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #fa #formula 1 fic #formula one fic #formula 1 x reader #formula one x reader #fernando alonso x reader #fernando alonso #formula one fanfic

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sohcah-toa · 1 year

Note

omg hii im nrw to ur blog (i lovs it btww❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏) and idk if ur requests are open (if not ignore this plesss)

so basically modern au and kazuha(or xiao/venti) is in a band with 4nemo when suddenly f!reader sends a lewd picture jn the middle if the concert 🙏🙏🙏😩😩 (i was reaally in a rish writing this so ignoer my misspelngs

-hornnyy anon💚💚💚

desperado

⚠️ nsfw, f!reader, smut, modern au, 4nemo [kazuha, venti, xiao] (all separate)

🗒 didn't include all the members of 4nemo, only on the req. also this is like the 1st time i made venti smut <3

🗒 also this was so long, my phone started lagging 😂 but im really happy to make this <3

🎶 Kazuha as your ex / Venti as your old friend / Xiao as your frenemy

💌 masterlist

— little bit of context: you know 4nemo personally since high school but you've been way out of touch with them ++ you love taking lewd photos because it makes you feel confident

— also they're kind of bad boys 😎

🍁

kazuha

You were going on about your day as usual, working at a small store with Lumine and Aether watching TV. Then the TV featured 4nemo announcing their concert this weekend.

You sigh "You know guys, I know 4nemo personally. We were all high school buds"

Lumine laughed "You keep saying that but you have no proof"

You just sighed "I'm still finding old photos, okay? There were no cameras when we were high school"

"Yeah yeah, sure" Aether seemed uninterested

Then someone came in the store, running towards you "You would not believe this!!" Childe said, grabbing your hand "I got 4nemo concert tix!"

Lumine stood up "No way! How many?"

"Four tickets!" Childe said "Would you guys want to go with me?"

"Of course!!" Lumine and Aether said at the same time

"No!" You shouted

Lumine laughed "Afraid we're gonna find out that you don't really know them?"

You groaned "No! Because—"

"Come on Y/n, these tickets were really hard to get" Childe pouted, you rolled your eyes then sighed

"Fine!" You said, panicking inside

Aether then said "Finally, you're going to be able to prove you know them, right?" then laughed out loud

You were sweating, you didn't want to see HIM in person, although there was no way he would see you.

"Are you alright?" Lumine asked "You look like shi—"

"She's probably excited" Childe said "Well, gonna go home to my siblings, byeee" then just left like that.

Aether then rubbed your back "Are you super excited? You look pale"

"I-I'm fine.. probably" You trembled. What if they know the secret?

Finally, it was the weekend. You and others met on the concert. There were a lot of people.

Although you're sure HE wasn't going to see you, you dressed up super nicely and even took some lewd photos before going out. You were feeling confident.

Hours passed, Lumine and Aether was screaming along with Childe, singing all the songs.

You were on your phone because somebody just texted, an old classmate seeing you on the concert.

"Ugh" You rolled your eyes reading the message "Did you and Kazuha get back together?" the message said. "Fuck this" you ignored the message.

You start focusing on having fun with your friends but you couldn't help it, you checked your phone, that old classmate texted you again, sending you Kazuha's private profile.

"No dammit" You groaned to yourself but clicked the photo anyway "Dang it he looks like he's doing better than me"

"Y/n! What are you doing?! The concert is still on!" Childe shouted, he was so hyped and so were the twins.

You put your phone in your pocket, forgetting to turn it off. You were finally enjoying the concert up until it was Kazuha's solo.

You took your phone out again as a distraction, to your surprise a bunch of photos were sent to Kazuha and it was the photos you took earlier. It must've sent while on your pocket, you were moving a lot. You start to panic and grab Lumine.

"LUMINE!" You yelled. It was so loud, Kazuha has a lot of fangirls. His solo is still not done.

Lumine looked at you. You put your arm around her shoulder and showed her the messages, you covered the photos using your hands.

"What are the photos?" She asked, you looked at her nervously, sweating "No! Wait no! Let me see"

She grabbed the phone and saw it "NO YOU—!"

"Give me back!" You grabbed it back, blushing "Shut up" you whisper to her.

The band announces that they're gonna have a short break so you and the others went to some place less crowded.

"YOU DID WHAT?! THAT'S SO CREEPY!" Aether yelled so you cover his mouth.

"It's okay if you don't really know them, this is going too far y/n" Childe said judging you

You groaned "I didn't even send it on purpose. You think I like this?!" you were about to cry.

"Too bad there's no unsend button" Lumine sighed "What do we do?"

"Come on guys, will he even notice the message? He has like tons of fans. He probably won't see it" Aether said, trying to comfort you but it isn't as comforting as he thinks it is.

"But the thing is—" You try telling them the truth but you keep getting interrupted.

"Yeah, he probably won't even see it" Lumine backed Aether up.

"The things is ——"

"Let's go back to the concert" Childe said

"GUYS! HE'S MY EX!" You accidentally yell. All went quiet then laughed then went quiet again upon seeing you all worked up.

"For real?" Lumine asked "No, you're lying. I know you're lying face"

You explain them everything. How you broke up because of all the busy-ness.

After all the explaining, you all came up with a plan to go backstage and destroy his phone. He can probably buy a new one.

"Few minutes before the concert continues. We can do this" You tell them, desperate to destroy that phone.

You all walk in backstage using Childe's connections. Everybody was so busy that they didn't even notice you.

You all start looking for Kazuha separately to be fast. Then finally you see him walking inside a room holding his phone.

"No no no no" You whisper to yourself, going towards him but the busy crowd made you go slower.

Finally you went inside the room only to see something surprising.

Kazuha was jerking off to your photo, his phone on his hand.

"Oh my God" You gasped. He immediately zipped his pants up and ran towards you. You were about to go out but he pushed the door closed.

"Listen—" He started talking.

You can't even face him. You know to yourself that you still haven't moved on from him. One look and it's all over.

"Y/n" He called your name "Why did you—?"

"It was an accident!" You finally turned to look at him, he looks so handsome "J-Just delete it!" you blushed trying to grab his phone but he immediately pulled his arm back.

"No way, this is mine" He smirked a little "You're blushing"

His other arm was still on the door, keeping it closed. His face was getting closer and closer to you. You both stare into each other's eyes for what felt like an eternity.

You were speechless, getting lost in his eyes "Kazuha, you have a—" then you felt it.. again after all these years. His lips on yours.

He caressed your cheek, pulling you deeper into the kiss. He pulled back "Still got that spark"

He held your hand and placed it above his bulge "So help me?"

"Fuck" You whispered to yourself and climbed on top of him, he pushed you against the door and kissed you roughly. His hands travelling all over your body. Your legs wrapped around his waist.

"Still so fucking sexy" He whispered, kissing your neck.

You pushed him a little and removed your shirt, your removed his clothes too.

"Shut up and fuck me" You breathed hard, rubbing yourself against him. For some reason whenever it's Kazuha, you can't control yourself.

"Gladly" He bit your lower lip before going down to your chest "Damn"

He ripped your bra off using his other hand, your breasts bouncing from all the grinding you both have been doing "Kazuha, hurry up, you have a concert"

"Forget the concert" He whispered, licking your nipples making you moan "I'd rather fuck your brains out"

You reach out to rub his erect cock, you unbuttoned his pants and he helped removing it, also removing his boxers along with it.

You can now feel his erection on your underwear, he continues to suck your breast left and right, making you even wetter.

You grab his cock and start stroking it as fast as you can.

"Just like back then huh?" He laughed a little, it was so sexy "I missed this"

You slide his cock inside your underwear, your pussy throbbing from feeling his cock at your entrance.

He kissed you again, sucking your tongue. You moaned "Fuck me already before someone comes in"

You grab tight onto his shoulders as he pushes his cock deep inside you.

"You got bigger?" You asked, nibbling on his ears.

"I just really missed this" He whispered, leaving small kisses on your neck as he starts thrusting up and down. The door making noises everytime he pushes himself into you.

"Ah— fuck, Kazuha!" You moaned loudly, your eyes rolling at the back of your head from the pleasure. He starts sucking your nipples again, adding more pleasure making you go insane.

He was so hungry for you, all these years, he's been holding himself back. He starts to get rougher.

"Kazuha~" You moaned, your nails sinking in his back as he goes deeper inside you.

Then someone knocked, the door kept making loud noises because of you guys that someone has actually noticed it.

"Kazuha? Who's in there? The concert's about to be continued!" That someone was Venti.

Kazuha refused to answer. He focused on fucking you, thrusting up and down, holding your legs that was wrapped around his waist, having no intention of stopping.

Then Venti starts opening the door, it wasn't locked so the both of you were pushed a little but Kazuha just slammed his cock harder into you, closing the door again.

"What the hell? Kazuha? Who's in there with you?" Venti asked.

You've been holding your moans in, biting Kazuha's shoulder a little bit to muffle your moans.

"Fuck— off!" Kazuha grunted, kissing you again "You feel so good" he whispered to you. Venti went away, annoyed.

All you could do at that moment was moan his name, begging him to go faster because you were about to cum.

"Make me cum Kazuha, don't stop" You gritted your teeth, groaning loudly "Shit"

"Cum with me" He grunted, he was panting and sweating.

You start trembling, feeling your climax "I-I'm cumming" you moaned, grabbing his hair.

He moaned loudly before thrusting one last time, cumming inside you, he pulled his cock out, his cum dripping down on the floor as he puts you down gently.

Both of you were trying to catch your breaths. What happened was so insane and impulsive. It just happened.

You both hear the crowd going wild, chanting 4nemo.

"Oh shit the concert" You immediately start getting dressed and he did the same.

He kissed you, slipping in a little tongue before pulling back "Dinner after the concert, wait for me" then he left.

"What have you done, y/n?" You asked yourself, trying to stay calm but your heart was pounding. It was impossible. You felt giddy, you couldn't help but smile.

You went out of that room and suddenly there was no crowd anymore. Everybody was focused on the concert again. The only people there are some others and your friends.

You immediately came up to them, trying to calm your heart.

"Where the hell were you?" Lumine asked.

You smiled immediately, you couldn't help it.

"We also saw Kazuha leaving that room" Aether said, suspicious of you.

"No way they met guys, it was a coincidence, let's go back to the concert" Childe insisted

"Right, let's go back!" You said, changing the topic.

"I broke a bunch of phones" Lumine said as you all went out there.

The concert was over but you refused to go home. Your friends kept asking you why, they were so curious they waited with you.

"I told you guys you didn't have to wait with me" You tell them.

"You've been acting weird since you came out of that room" Lumine said

Then someone walked towards you "Ready?" it was Kazuha.

The three were shocked, their jaws open.

"Bye guys, see you tomorrow" You tell them. Kazuha wrapped his arm on your waist pulling you closer to him and then kissed you, slipping a little tongue again before pulling back.

As you and Kazuha walk towards his car. The three were still shocked.

"They kissed" Aether said "She isn't lying?"

"There was defnitely tongue on that kiss" Childe said

Then Lumine yelled "Son of a bit—"

Who knew an accident like this would turn your life upside down?

End

🍃

venti

"Look, that's Venti right there" You showed Diluc a photo, Diluc who doesn't seem to believe that your old friend is now a very famous person.

"I honestly don't care" Diluc sighed, putting down card and saying "Uno"

"You don't believe me though" You pouted a little, dropping a card down "Plus 4 Kaeya"

"Gah" Kaeya groaned "I hate you guys"

"Let's go to the concert!" You suddenly blurted out as Kaeya gets 4 cards from the deck.

Diluc sighed "If you'll shut up about it fine"

Someone opened the door "Sorry guys I'm late" Jean said.

Then Kaeya threw all his cards on the table "New game, Jean's here, too bad Diluc, you could've won"

"You suck" Diluc said

You were out alone getting some tickets for the concert. Turns out Jean and her sister was a big fan of 4nemo. So you'll buy five tickets.

On the way to the ticket booth, you saw someone familiar. VERY familiar .. in disguise.

You walk up to him "Venti?"

His eyes widen "What the hell? Y/n? Shh not too loud. I'm trying to lay low"

"I was about to get tickets for your concert" You tell him with a huge smile.

"Nice, how many?" He asked and you answered "I'll give them to you for free, you've helped me many times in other classes before. If it weren't for you, I'd probably be poor and drunk. I mean I still drink a lot but atleast I'm rich"

You laugh at his little joke "You've always liked drinking. Want to go for one right now?"

His eyes sparkled "Do I?!"

That day, you and Venti tried to catch up with one another but you both ended up getting drunk and sleeping in a nearby hotel. Nothing happened or anything, you were both just too drunk to even go home.

"I'm so excited!" Barbara said, she was so happy to go to the concert while the two men groan and sigh back to back.

"This is a huge area" Jean said "Thank you for getting us the tickets"

"No problem at all" You smiled

"No problem at all because she didn't even pay for it" Kaeya said "If that's even true"

"It's too good to be true" Diluc said. Finally, they both agree on something.

"Now you're interested" You raise an eyebrow, annoying them even more.

The concert started. You see Venti up on the stage, it feels so surreal. He seems different when performing.

All you can feel for him is happiness. Truth is, you and Venti have been texting each other ever since that day. You scroll through your messages and smile, looking at him on the stage and then looking back at the messages. You take a photo of him at that moment and tried sending it to him.

But someone accidentally bumped into you causing you to click on another photo and hit send.

"No" You were so shocked by the photo that has been sent that you have no words. It only sinked in to you when 4nemo exited the stage for a short break.

"You ok?" Kaeya asked "You went quiet there for a second"

"It's unusual for you to be quiet especially when you've been bragging for forever that you know them" Diluc added, it's so rare for him and Kaeya to get along.

"I— did a mistake" You start panicking

"Oh y/n. It's okay if you lied about knowing them, it's just all good and fun, no need to panic" Jean said, calming you down.

"I might have— sent an inappropriate picture" You whisper to them, you made sure Barbara wouldn't hear.

"WHAT?" Jean shouted a little

"How did this happen?!" Diluc asked, he's now frustrated too

"Why did you even have that kind of photo in the first place?" Kaeya asked, curious about something not important at the moment.

You groaned "I-I gotta delete that on his phone. There's no way he could see that"

"Answer my question first" Kaeya said

It was because you were trying on your new underwear, you had to see it for yourself so you took a mirror selfie. There is no way you'd tell Kaeya that.

"Shut it, perv" Diluc sighed "Okay, you're friends with him right? So just ask to borrow his phone"

"But we have to go to the backstage for her to talk to him" Jean added, also thinking of ways to fix this.

"What's happening?" Barbara asked all of you. Everybody went quiet.

"Nothing, here's money, go buy merch" Jean said giving her money. Barbara gladly left.

"I'll charm the guards" Kaeya said, all looked at him and laughed a little, even Diluc.

"Jean, you do it" You suggested

"But I'm not good at—" Jean panicked too but agreed because she wanted to help you "Alright, I'll do my best"

"Kaeya and Diluc, make sure no one bother me and Venti when we talk, please, I don't want anybody to know" You begged and they agreed.

You all try going backstage but as expected, there were guards. So Jean was up.

She actually did it so fast, it's insane. As Jean charms the guards, the three of you went to find Venti.

"There he is" Kaeya pointed at Venti, going inside a room. All of you went there. As per the plan, you went in and the two guarded the door.

"Venti, h-hey, hi, what's up?" You asked, laughing nervously.

"Uh— y/n? What are you doing here? This is the bathroom" He said confused

"Oh oops, anyway, can I borrow your phone for a second?" You asked, he looked at you intensely.

He walked towards you, getting closer and closer "What are you hiding?" he asked, covering the door so you wouldn't get out "You're acting suspicious"

"Alright, we're friends and we're adults. We slept in a hotel and nothing happened so I might as well say it right?" You were so nervous, you just kept on blabbing stuff, your heart was pounding as you continue "I might have accidentally sent something inapproriate to you, I swear it was an accident"

"What is it?" he asked, putting his hands on his pocket.

"I-It was a photo of me in my underwear. I was trying some new stuff I bought and I wanted to see what I looked like so I took a photo and forgot to delete it" You just kept on talking and talking, feeling awkward every second "I was sbout to send you a photo I took earlier while you were performing and someone bumped into me and I accidentally sent that"

"Hmm, you're being way too defensive, I don't know if I'll feel hurt or flattered" He said, finally taking his phone out from his pocket and opening it.

You tried to grab it but he was way faster than you.

"Great photo" He looked at the phone and then at you "Are you wearing it right now?"

You immediately blushed "J-Just delete it! S-So we can get on with our lives!"

"I was pretty disappointed that nothing happened at the hotel" Venti said

"We were also 'pretty' drunk" You roll your eyes "Just delete it, you have a concert to get back to"

He kept staring at his phone "You look so pretty here"

"Venti!" You blushed

"What? I'm only human, I like pretty things" He said, still staring at his phone, sitting on the closed toilet.

"T-Thanks" You feel shy all of a sudden. You didn't mean to look at his crotch but you did and he was hard so you said "U-Uh— I gotta go"

"Do you really want to go?" He asked. You gulped a little, afraid to admit that you're disappointed too that nothing happened at the hotel.

You stopped on your tracks and turned to look at him. He has a bigger bulge now which is turning you on at the moment. You two were alone in that bathroom and you were wearing the underwear in the photo.

Venti stood up so you walked closer to him "I admit I was— you know" you try to look at everything but him "I was disappointed too"

"That nothing happened?" He asked, holding your hand "We can change that right now"

You felt giddy all of a sudden. All the other noises exited your brain. All you could hear was your heart pounding out of your chest.

You were the first to make the move. You kissed him right there. Not holding anything back. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you deeper into the kiss. It was gentle.

He carried you and sat you down on the cover of the toilet then he kneeled down, as the kiss becomes even more aggressive, he took the moment to undress you "You're really wearing it"

He grabbed your breasts, pinching and fondling it making you moan a little "Venti.."

He pulled your pants off, seeing your underwear "Damn" he whispered, his tongue playing with yours.

It was kinda unfair that you were the only one with underwear on so you took his shirt off and said "Take off your pants too"

He chuckled slightly, kissing your nose "Alright" he took his pants off and also his underwear "This too right?"

You gulp a little seeing his erect cock, you feel your underwear getting wet, not wanting to wait anymore so you kiss him and stroked his cock up and down, catching him by surprise.

He slowly placed his hand above your crotch, rubbing it, he slowly removed your underwear.

"You're wet" he muttered to himself with a smile. You stood up and pushed him lightly on the toilet, making him sit "Whoa, aggressive, I like it" Venti placed his hand on your back and pulled you to a kiss.

"Of course, let's take this off" You said, taking his underwear off then sitting on his lap.

You were both so intoxicated that you forgot Kaeya and Diluc were just outside. You start stroking his dick, he whimpered and pulled your hips closer, kissing your neck.

You start moaning, feeling his cock go inside you, he squeezed your thighs, moaning.

Your breaths soon became heavy as you move up and down, his cock hitting the right spot "Venti.." you whispered, holding onto his shoulders for support.

Venti bit the bottom of his lip, moving his hips, slamming inside you making you squeal a little.

"D-Don't make me scream, people are o-outside" You had trouble speaking because of the pleasure. Venti just smirked and licked your breast "Venti!" you whisper.

"You feel so good right now, I can't help it" Venti said, grabving your hips so he could move, making you fall on top of him, just letting him fuck you.

Your moans became louder and uncontrollable as he becomes even more aggressive with you. You both stood up, he pushed your back lower, you held on the counter near the sink before he pushed his cock inside you again.

"Fuck Venti!" You moaned, you see yourself in the mirror as he fucks your pussy. You see him looking at the mirror too, the sight turns you on.

You feel his cock twitch inside you with every thrust he makes "I-I'm close.." Venti grunted, slapping your ass.

You were sure the others could hear everything, even the way his cock smacks inside you.

"C-Cum inside me" You muttered, losing your mind.

He just continued thrusting until you feel something warm inside you. You stood up straight, your knees about to give out but he helped you.

"Holy shit y/n" He was catching his breath "Amazing"

"I would've wanted it longer but I can hear the people outside waiting for you guys" You tell him, you start getting dressed.

He pulled you again and kissed you on the lips "Just one word and I'm out of there"

"Venti.. no! Go out there, the people want you" You tell him without ill feelings. You're really happy he gets to achieve his dreams.

Venti nodded and got dressed too. After the both of you are finally decent, you both went out.

Kaeya and Diluc was there, blushing, even their ears were red.

"Oh hey" Venti greeted them, not even ashamed "Alright y/n, catch you later" he said going back to the stage.

"What the fuck?" Diluc sighed

"We wanted to go away by the way! But we became worried someone might came in!!" Kaeya was so flustered.

"S-Sorry, you guys are the real ones" You giggled a little

"You owe us big time" Diluc said marching away, his ears were so red it was adorable.

"Come on, Jean's dying out there" Kaeya walked away too.

You look on the stage and see Venti with his other members. Then it hit you, you live in two different worlds.

You sigh as you go back to the concert yourselves.

The concert was ending, everything felt like a dream.

"Before the day end, I have an announcement!" Venti said, everybody cheered. This caught your attention, he continued "I have a girlfriend!"

Everybody still cheered. Your eyes widen. Your three friends look at you with wide eyes too.

Diluc whispered "He fucked you but he had a girlfriend?"

"Dude.." Kaeya rolled his eyes "So clueless about romance"

"And she's here!" Venti added, the crowd goes wild "To y/n, this is for you!" he said, he started singing a very beautiful song about how he liked a girl back then but didn't have the guts to confess.

The crowd was wild, there were a lot of people there but Venti was only looking at you, like you two were the only ones in there.

End

👹

xiao

"Don't you know that guy?" Hu Tao asked, watching television while eating.

"Yes, he was our classmate back then, right y/n?" Zhongli said.

You groaned and rolled your eyes "I don't know him"

"Lies" Zhongli chuckled before drinking his tea.

"Why do you hate him so much?" Hu Tao asked

You stood up "He's.. sucky. I'm leaving by the way"

"Wait!" Hu Tao stopped you "I got us tickets to the concert though, please don't be mad at me" she pouted.

You sighed "Fine, I'm going, for you" then you left.

You and Xiao has this weird competition on who's better at everything. Obviously, he won. That's what you think anyway.

But overall, he's not so bad. That's what you thought until you saw him again while walking.

"Ugh" He groaned in disgust upon seeing you "Why do people leave their trash everywhere?" he asked, looking at you.

"Shut the fuck up!" You couldn't help but fight back "What the hell are you doing here?"

"To see my friend? Zhongli, not you" He laughed, people started recognizing him.

"Good thing I was leaving then" You roll your eyes

People started to ask for pictures "See you, right? You're going?"

Before you knew it, you couldn't leave because of all the people surrounding the place. You went back inside and saw him. The guards stopping all the people.

"Sorry, people love me" He sighed

"Argh" You were annoyed. Both of you started walking where Hu Tao and Zhongli is.

He started walking faster, but then so did you, and then so did he until you were both running there at full speed.

You open the door and yelled "I won!! Loser" You laughed at his annoyed face while you try to catch your breath.

"I was just tired" He said, panting "Whatever. Hi Zhongli" he waved, still trying to catch his breath.

"OH MY GOSH! XIAO FROM 4NEMO!" Hu Tao was such a huge fan, you had no idea why "Can I have a picture?"

"Why?" You asked her in disgust, you walk away while they take pictures.

"I never get tired of seeing you two" Zhongli talked to you "Stop the competition it's been years"

"You wouldn't get it" Xiao said, sitting beside Zhongli "May I?"

"Have all the tea you need Xiao" Hu Tao said, clearly very excited "So— Aether is on the 4nemo"

"Aether is her bias, sorry" You smirk as you tell Xiao that.

"Whatever y/n, Aether is great by the way" Xiao said, drinking his tea.

You pour yourself tea too and start drinking.

He starts drinking it a lot faster, he finished it before you "Sucker, now I'm the winner"

"What? It's just drinking tea! I hate you" You clench your teeth, he's such a child.

"They're always like this Hu Tao, don't worry" Zhongli said as Hu Tao chuckles nervously.

"There is so much sexual tension" Hu Tao sighed

"I know. Xiao! Y/n! Just get a room" Zhongli sighed too

The day of the concert finally arrived.

"Whooooo" Hu Tao was cheering. Zhongli is quiet as usual, and you, were kinda annoyed seeing all the pictures of Xiao outside.

You just started speaking to somebody but it's not that serious. You took a quick sexy pic last night so you could send it to him later. You giggle to yourself thinking about it as the concert started.

Xiao looked like a rockstar, you don't like him but man did he make your heart flutter while playing the guitar.

"Was I just briefly attracted to Xiao? Hell no!" You shout, even if you did, nobody would hear you since everybody was going wild.

You look at him again, Xiao on the stage, he was glowing, he looked so different. Your face felt hot and your heart was beating in your face, if that wasn't enough, his eyes met yours, you were flustered.

You gulp "I-I gotta go to the bathroom guys, I'll be right back" you immediately went to the bathroom to calm yourself "There's no fucking way I'm attracted to him. I mean, is he handsome? Yes. Do I think he's hot? .... Fuck yes, I think he's hot" you sigh to yourself "Dang it, I hate him"

You scroll through your messages to try and take your mind off of Xiao. You decided to send the pic. After sending you realize one grave mistake. It was sent to Xiao.

"Shit, no!" You start panicking, why isn't there an undo message or delete message yet?! You start breathing heavily. It was a full on nude picture, with your face!

You exit the bathroom and immediately told Zhongli and Hu Tao the problem.

"WHAT?" Hu Tao was so shocked, she almost fainted.

"Let's go and talk to him, they're taking a break right now" Zhongli said, you nod, feeling nervous about it all.

"They're my friends, it's alright" Xiao said, seeing the three of you talk to the guards "Well, well, well" he looked at you

"Y/n has something to say" Zhongli said.

Hu Tao was so nervous, she was turning blue, as someone who speaks a lot, she has no words.

"U-Uh, I accidentally—" before you could finish, he smirked

"Oh that" He smiled, you knew it was a bad idea to tell him directly, you should've just stole the phone, he's rich, he can buy another one!

He then continued speaking "Zhongli, Hu Tao, can we have a moment?"

Hu Tao was shaking, Zhongli helped her as they both went out.

"Follow me" Xiao said, you were nervous too but you can't let him see that.

You followed him into an empty room. There was a couch, a TV and a table.

"Just delete it" You sigh

"I already deleted it" He said, sitting on the sofa

"Why did you make me come here then?!" You stomped your feet "Asshole"

"Because I was attracted for some reason? I know, it sucks" He groaned "You're annoyingly beautiful, you know that?"

"Oh you think you were the only one attracted? I was attracted earlier too when you were on the stage, you're not that special" You laughed at him

"You were?" He asked, surprised "Wow, really?"

This caught you off guard "I mean, I wasn't!" you immediately blushed.

He stood up and walked closer to you "You like me" he smirked. You walked backwards.

Your heart was beating so fast, you didn't notice your back hit the wall. He slapped his hand on the wall, keeping you in place.

"You like me?" He asked, his face getting closer to yours "I knew it"

"No, I don't" You answer back, not averting your gaze as you both stare into each other.

There was silence for a few seconds .. until there wasn't. You grab his face and kissed him, his tongue quickly explored your mouth as his hands roam around your body.

"Shit.. we're not supposed to be doing this" You mutter in between kisses but you both couldn't stop, the kiss was very aggressive.

"Shut up and undress" He said, kissing your neck and ears while you take your pants off.

He removed his shirt and pants, giving you time to take your blouse off. After that, you both immediately went back to devouring each other's mouth. His hands carressed your breasts then he removed your bra.

You feel him rub on your thighs, his cock was hard. You reach to rub it above his boxers and whisper "This is the best you got?"

He stopped kissing your neck for a second and carried you bridal style.

"Xiao, what the fuck?" You ask him as he tossed you on the very soft sofa. Your breasts bounced as he crawls on top of you.

He removed your panties and he removed his boxers, he said "I will make you beg for this cock"

He licked your stomach up to your breasts, you stroke his soft hair, cleanching your teeth because you didn't want to let him hear your moans.

Your nipples became hard because he was licking them like a hungry new born. He was so sloppy, while his other finger rubbed your clit.

He so wanted you to moan for him but you tried your hardest not to give him the satisfaction by biting your lip.

"Fuck, you're so wet already" He smirked. You feel coldness on your breasts as he goes down on you, spreading your legs.

"X-Xiao.." You called out to him, feeling weak, everything was happening so fast, he's not giving you time to think, your mind was so blank from the pleasure he was giving you.

You feel something wet on your clit, his tongue was rubbing it up and down, finally making you moan "X-Xiao!" you moaned loudly, holding onto his hair as he sucks you out.

Your feet curled from feeling too good "Don't stop!" you moaned, feeling close.

But of course, he stopped to tease you "Not yet baby" he smirked, he started positioning his erecr cock on your entrance.

"Fuck Xiao, I was close" You tried catching your breath, you feel his tip on youe clit, making you excited "Put it in"

"Hmm" He tried holding back just so he could tease you "I think I want you to beg"

"Arghh!" You groaned, you feel his tip going inside you so you moaned but he pulled it out immediately "Fuck Xiao, put it in.. please!"

"What a brat" He said, you feel his tip go in again but he pulld out "Beg better?"

You cover your face "P-Please Xiao, put it inside me"

"Put what in?" He asked, enjoying teasing you

"Your cock" You just decided to beg properly. Finally, you felt all of it inside you, he wasn't even moving yet but still it felt so good "Holy shit, your — it's big" you breathe heavily.

He started thrusting, pinning your hand on the sofa "You're tight" he grunted, his cock went in and out of your hole, your breasts bounce as he pounds harder "I love seeing you under me" his hips doesn't stop moving, he was an animal.

Your legs wrap around his waist, giving him more access, all you could do was moan and enjoy as he fucks your brains out. He kisses your breasts and neck from time to time but what he truly loves is seeing your face, moaning his name everytime his cock hits the right spot, it turns him on even more.

"Xiao.." You moaned "Faster, please" you were weak, the reason why he was doing his best, he loves seeing you weak because of him, begging him.

"Shit.. you're so beautiful" He whispered, admitting to himself that he was attracted to you. He kissed your hand before pinning it again "You feel so good"

He never stops, in fact he went even faster, making you squeal, with your hands pinned and your legs wrapped around his waist, you couldn't do anything but tremble under him, feeling him whole.

"D-Don't stop! I'm cumming!" You shout, you were a mess, intoxicated.

He kissed your lips, passionately this time "Cum with me baby" he whispered, the feel of his breaths on your skin turns you on even more.

You moan louder, shivering, feeling your climax "I-I'm cumming" your eyes rolled at the back of your head as you let yourself cum, feeling weak than ever.

He then let go of your hand and then held onto your hips, pushing his cock deeper inside you "Fuck, I'm cumming too"

He let himself cum but he doesn't stop thrusting, he continues until all his cum is inside if you. He plopped beside you on the sofa, feeling super tired "Shit, how can I even go back to the concert?"

"Fuck, the concert! I completely forgot" You tell him as you stand up but he pulled you on the sofa again and kissed you.

"I have time" He said "Just one more round"

You come out of the room after Xiao and went to the concert. You came three times earlier, you couldn't Xiao was such an animal. You feel extremely weak. He saud just more round but you had another round after that!

"Where have you been? You missed like a lot of songs" Hu Tao said, still cheering and chanting

"Xiao did too, he just apologized earlier because there was an emergency..." Zhongli was thinking, you became nervous you would be found out.

"I told you, he sucks" You chuckle but think to yourself that he really does suck .. he sucks good. You blush thinking about that.

After the concert, you tell Zhongli and Hu Tao to go back without you.

As expected, Xiao came to see you, he whispered "I guess we're dating now" he held your hand.

"Xiao, what if somebody sees? The hell" You tried to let go but he didn't

He went closer to you and kissed your neck making you moan a little "Let's go"

Dating Xiao is dangerous, you'd be tired all the time, his stamina is insane, you fear you wouldn't keep up but luckily, being competitive with him is where you shine.

End

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themoonfeltmyenvy · 2 years

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so let me get this straight

says she has dreams face reveal and he's only face revealing so she doesn't leak it first, then doesn't show the pictures, aka the one thing that couldn't be faked. she says they talked very briefly, give or take a month or 2. why would he face reveal to her, yet not friends of what would be 5-8 years at the time. he was so scared of his face being leaked he went out of state just to go to the dentist or to eat with his mom, so why would he face reveal to a girl he only knew for a month or 2?

the contact name on the text messages is either blocked out or cropped out. her only proof that this is him is that he "shows up in her TikTok contacts." now we know that since 2020 dream has been doxxed and his number has been leaked and changed AT LEAST once since then. this is common knowledge in the fandom but he even confirms it himself in his face reveal video. so how would she have his current number if this happened in 2020? the only way that would make sense is if he never updated his contact information on TikTok, which can't be true as he just restored his TikTok account last week and would need updated contact info or if she got his new current number from a doxx. or the video is fake.

she says "it crosses the line when he's sending me his huge house/inviting me." at that time dream lived in an apartment, there were even times when he said he was struggling to pay rent, what "huge house" is she referring to because he didn't move in with sapnap until 2021 and the huge house they live in now, they just moved into give or take 2 weeks before the meetup/face reveal

for the Snapchat thing there's really no way to prove that's even his snap profile unless dream leaks his private snap, and if it is his there's conveniently not a single saved message except for the "huh" so there's no way of knowing what was said in these chats

her boyfriend is an anti and the one driving this whole thing. she said they talked, nothing bad happened and they stopped talking because she got bored/he wasn't interesting NOT because she was manipulated. but the bf claims dream groomed her (we'll get into that in a moment). this bf is a full believer of the whole sex mod scandal and believes he's a pedo.

the twitter DMs. while these can easily be faked, I don't think they are. I think this is a case of "I had something real for credibility sake but added fake shit to make it worse". the reason I think the DMs are real is because why would she include messages of him saying "how old are you? 18 nvm" if she was trying to "expose him." it's likely she had 18 in her bio because it's clear Dream thought he was talking to someone who was 18. there's nothing damning in these DMs. it's literally just 2 people talking about school.

goes private as soon as it gets attention and doesn't elaborate on any of these claims. this is a serious situation and you're playing with someone's career, give context and elaborate.

and finally even if all of this is real, it's not grooming and it's not sexual assault. they never even met in person, they talked for like 2 months and there was no evidence of coercion in the messages shown. the only crime here is cringey ass flirting between a 20 year old and a believed 18 year old that made me want to bleach my eyes. people bring up power imbalance as well. her bf says she was never a fan of him. at this time dream smp hadn't even started, he had just blown up (2M subs), and again in the dms shown there is no evidence of this dynamic in play. if she was a fan, is it weird? yeah. is it grooming or sa? NO!

TLDR: there's a lot of holes in the story that just don't make sense and even if it is real it's not grooming or SA

#dreamwastaken

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ingravinoveritas · 6 months

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Follow-up to this post and a point-by-point recap of last night's events:

- Definitely thought I would be nervous, but as soon as I saw Neil waiting backstage from the vantage of my fourth row seat, all that went away.

- The event was a tribute to Ray Bradbury, with Neil and several actors reading different short stories and Neil talking about them in between. He started off the night by talking about being a TikTok meme ("Neil Gaiman, why are you in my falafel?") and how his time as a meme was almost up.

- There was an after party in the bar following the show, and the ticket I had purchased allowed me to attend. I didn't even realize Neil was there yet because he was so low profile and just chilling while a line began to form at his table.

- When I went up to him, he was very smiley and kind and soft-spoken. I mentioned really enjoying the Bradbury story he read ("The Homecoming") because it felt like an allegory for autism, for an autistic person in a family full of neurotypicals, and it really resonated with me. So we talked Ray Bradbury and writing and it was lovely. - I also mentioned the tweets from a few years ago (here and here) that involved him commenting on a photo of me in a red bikini and me offering to cook him dinner if he came to New Jersey, and he remembered! Haha. He also still seemed very interested in the offer and said, "It's a date" and "We'll do dinner." Oh, Neil... - At the end, I somehow finally remembered to tell him my name and said "I'm Amy" as we shook hands. To which he replied, "It's lovely to meet you, Amy. I'm Neil." - After we took the picture, I wished Neil a good flight (the venue staff said they were trying to hurry up the queue because he had an early flight today) and safe travels, and he said "Thank you!" and was again so sweet and lovely and just a person. - Didn't talk to Neil about anything Good Omens, but I did end up chatting with a woman who knows Rob Wilkins (someone waiting in the queue asked Neil how to get in touch with Rob and he pointed to this woman, so that was how I first became aware of her). Later on in the evening, after Neil left, we were on the other side of the bar and struck up a conversation about all things GO, Terry Pratchett, fandoms, Michael and David's chemistry, and much more. She also told me to follow her on Instagram and message her if I ever needed tips for navigating the overwhelm that is NYCC. A totally unexpected and thoroughly enjoyable conversation overall. - Also got to talk with Yetide Badaki (who was in American Gods and one of the actors who performed last night) and she was beyond lovely. I complimented her performance and said how it was "like Siri, but less creepy" and she burst out laughing and asked if she could put that in her résumé. Haha. The topic of autism came up and she said how it was so important to her and how there needs to be more awareness. I mentioned being a professional speaker and that I've done a TED talk on autism, and she said she wanted to watch it. Again, completely unexpected interaction, but so delightful and so much fun.

My overall thoughts and takeaway from this is that real life is very, very much different and not the same thing at all as online fandom. It was incredibly refreshing to see Neil and talk to him in a non-fandom context, and to see how gracious he was with every person in line (adults, kids, couples, all of it). He signed books, took pictures with people, and hugged fans who seemed to be sharing particularly emotional moments. I feel like the fandom tends to treat Neil like some kind of god, but for me, I truly enjoyed seeing and getting to meet him as a person--charming, intelligent, funny, polite, and just a bit awkward...

#neil gaiman #ray bradbury #symphony space #nyc #selected shorts #good omens #recap post #gentle British flirting #a term coined by the Rob Wilkins lady that i enjoy very much #personal post #thoughts #discourse

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freshlybakedspiderbread · 9 months

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my immediate (well its been a whole day and then some, so not really) touhou 19 impressions for all the new characterbelow the read more so beware spoilers!

for context, all my knowledge and understanding of the plot and dialogue comes from a scattered mix of the translated omake, official profiles, a pal explaining this or that line, various different snippets of online talk i saw, and general me absorbing vibes through the screen after playing the game for over seven hours. if i got something wrong, oh well, there will be plenty of time to come to get a clearer picture of everyone!

its neat how the three new animal girls on the cover are all associated with one of the leaders from the animal realm. Although at first i assumed that meant there wouldnt be much to think of them beyond that because i also assumed they came from the animal realm to work with their respective leader. But actually they all come from Gensokyo, and the animal leaders got them to join their cause! That's way more interesting to me, and makes me wonder if all those three's posturing about taking over gensokyo might not just be hot air after all...

All three of them also have either direct or indirect connections to the final boss but i'll get to her later. for now my thoughts of all the newcomers one by one...

son biten 🐵 : okay so when i first saw an image of her, i went 'oh its sun wukong. okay...' and didnt think much of her beyond that, but her story is a lot more funny than that. she was (is) in fact just a normal monkey girl (normal by gensokyo standards) who got into big trouble but was 'saved' by Yachie, who convinced her that she's the legendary sun wukong. Now she proclaims herself as a hero and thinks Yachie, who only wants to use her as a tool, is her best friend. That's a lot more endearing to me than i thought and maybe i am more than a little invested in this bizarre dynamic between monkey and tortoise.

mitsugashira enoko 🐺🐺🐺: pretty similar to Biten's story albeit more straightforwardly charming. she was a regular animal who turned into a monster and was well on her way to becoming a really nasty one at that, but then Saki came along, showed off her back muscles, and was like 'join my gang', and then Enoko calmed down and was happy to do so! its funny but also kinda sweet? but really the most i have to say is that the bear traps on her wrists are funny. the profile and ending images make it seem to me like they do Not come off and those may as well be her hands. I know for sure Saki offered to shake her hand and did not regret it 🤠

tenkajin chiyari 🩸: what a freak!!!!!!! just some lanky, hunched over creature that literally nobody even knows what species she is, who lurks in the deepest depths of hell who loves doing nothing more than gulping up pools of cursed blood in her free time. I thought Momoyo, who lives in a cave and eats rocks was a freak, but Chiyari is on a whole other level. I love her. it's so easy to see how she and Yuuma beccame friends due to their 'common interests'.

yomotsu hisami 🍇: she's so cool!!!!!!! i can't believe she's probably the least revelant out of the newcomers 😂 great design and concept, and her whole thing in nearly every route she appears in is trying to drag you to hell, offering a sweet deal and then happily resorting to force if refused, its so good. Hisami is also technically subservient to the final boss Zanmu (because she's hot) but will also just do whatever she wants and Zanmu just has to deal with that... Speaking of!

nippaku zanmu 👹: i think she's neat 🙂 I mean, like a lot of touhou final bosses, most of their meat comes from their elaborate backstory and someone else will have to comment about how its a cool intepretation of this or that myth. as mentioned, she has at least some form of role whether minor or direct to the backstory of every other newcomer, which is cool and lends a more connective tissue to the cast as a whole, and she's also a big authorative figure in hell! all the different profiles like to emphasize how Zanmu is a planner type who controls everything with guile and information, and the plan she sets in motion in the game's plot mostly goes off without a hitch, even with so many different characters butting heads with one another. The most interesting bit of all this only really comes in at the very very end, where she calls off her plan to take control of everything herself, instead choosing to trust Reimu because she sees her as a kindred spirit. fun to think about the implications of that...

#touhou #th19 #i may or may not make another post going into how i feel about the gameplay and the mechanics #though i dunno if id have much to say other than 'i had fun 😁'

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greenlikethesea · 9 months

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emails between dustin and max, fair ithilien verse

these will likely never see the light of day, mostly written to make @sparklyslug smile and give us some character work. basically, they're tech savvy and email each other!

the only context you need to know for these two emails is that max, in her prior email, told dustin to stop being such a dick to megan and stop meddling in steve's affairs.

06-14-1998

SUBJECT: Two photos, one question

Madmax,

I know I’ve already seen you in person and we worked it all out, but I want to tie up this thread too, because if nothing else, I’m a completionist. Suzy’s brother Samson says it’s because I have a Virgo moon. I have literally no idea what that means, but I’m sticking to it.

This reply is a week late because I had to stop being mad at you first. Not because you were mean, which you kind of were even if you acknowledged it, but because you were right, which you absolutely were. And you know how much I hate it when you’re right. I am lonely, and I’m pissed off because neither of them are fucking happy in their relationships and could be perfectly happy with each other. Fuck, Eddie won’t even officially tell me that he’s dating Josh, even though he’s been in the picture for a while now. And god, it’s bad. He and Steve haven’t spoken to each other in like four months. Steve’s drinking again, and doing that thing where he thinks he’s hiding it. No one else knows, but I know him, and I know the tells.

I’ll have you know that I’m only going to keep my mouth shut about Megan for everyone else’s sake. You all act like I’m out for blood with her, and that’s not true. I just think he should be with someone who actually knows him. I wish he’d think with his whole brain instead of his heart (and, to be real, his dick, because she is objectively hot).

Okay, enough about that, it’s thoroughly depressing me. Subjecting myself to utter mortification in order to not mope around and be single: I caved. I got a profile on Match.com. I have filled out more information than I did the last time I went to the doctor. And because apparently my shining personality is not enough, I’ve attached two pictures for the profile. Please tell me the one I look the least bad in. Be honest. Not that I have to tell you to be honest, because you will be, but really, don’t hold back.

Glad I finally got to meet this mystery girlfriend you keep mentioning in your emails. You didn’t tell me Claire was that fucking cool. Way to hold out on me. If you don’t want to go with her to the next Weird Al show on account of it being, in your oh-so-incorrect words, “unspeakably lame,” I will gladly go with her as a friend. I’ll pick her up and everything.

Forgive me if this is crass, but I feel like you’ll get pissed if I pussyfoot around it – are you gay now? I know you were kind of in bisexual land for a while, but Claire is for keeps, I think. I know you haven’t been together for a long time, but sometimes you get a vibe.

Love,

Dustin

SUBJECT: Re: Two photos, one question

Darlingest,

Claire is the absolute coolest. I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her, which is frightening and not something I want to touch now that I’ve written it out, so don’t ask for elaboration. The only annoying thing about her is that she works nights right now, so coordinating plans with her can be tricky. But that means I can write this email to you in peace, and that also means that she’ll be wide awake when you see Accordion Man next month, thankfully without me.

Let’s get the pertinent shit out of the way: they’re both good photos, but the second picture’s better. Not that anyone will believe you if you tell them I told you this, but you have a great smile. The nerdy girl of your dreams would much rather see you silly than serious. It’s weird to see you serious. I know you wanted a brutal critique, so I showed them to Erica when she was over yesterday and she said you look constipated in the first one. Call her, by the way. She’s pretending to not miss you but she’s worried that you haven’t reached out. I told her you’re just busy and that you skipped out on our phone call too (which fuck you, by the way :D), but she’s still worried.

As for the topic of my sexuality – grateful as always that you didn’t pussyfoot around it – one of the interns in the office refers to herself as queer and that sounds good. I feel a little uneasy about it sometimes, because Billy weaponized that word to an absurd degree, but it also feels like a fuck you to him, in a way. I think I’ve heard Steve use it a few times too, and if he’s using it in a positive way, I can too. (Yeah, he’s finally owning being queer, even though he’s not telling anyone still. I don’t know why. We’ve all known since like 94. 95, at the latest.) Not everyone likes it, but I do. I hope that answers your question.

I can hear Claire poking around the kitchen for something to eat, so I should probably help her out. It’s a good pain day today, barely need my cane at all.

Call me, you bitch. I miss you.

Love,

Max

#reading these back i'm so delighted by them #fair ithilien verse

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firawren · 1 year

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Asks about my OTPs

Pick your top 10 OTPs without reading the questions, then answer the questions after you've made your list

Elizabeth and Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)

Belle and Beast (Beauty and the Beast 1991)

Anne and Wentworth (Persuasion)

Chuck and Sarah (Chuck)

Killian and Emma (Once Upon a Time)

Peeta and Katniss (The Hunger Games)

Stede and Ed (Our Flag Means Death)

Catherine and Henry (Northanger Abbey)

Snow and David (Once Upon a Time)

Leslie and Ben (Parks and Recreation)

Now here are the questions and answers!

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6? – Probably some time during the second book, when they really become a team protecting and comforting each other.

2. Have you ever read a fanfic about 2? – Haha yes, and written many!

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr screen saver? – Nope!

4. If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be? – They kind of are broken up? It's devastating, but I hope season 2 will fix it!

5. Why is 1 so important? – Because they got me into the entire Jane Austen universe, which is one of my main interests and hobbies now.

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship? – Mostly serious, but they have their funny moments.

7. Out of all the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry? – Elizabeth and Darcy or Chuck and Sarah.

8. Out of all your ships listed, which ship has the strongest bond? – Probably Peeta and Katniss since they went through such intense trauma together.

9. How many times have you read/watched the 10’s fandom? – 3 times, and I'll do it again.

10. Which ship has lasted the longest? – I don't know what this means. In their canon? Snow and David have been together for over 40 years by the end of the show, I think. In my heart? I've been into Belle and Beast ever since the movie came out over 31 years ago. In fandom? Elizabeth and Darcy have been going strong for over 200 years!

11. How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up? – I suppose they weren't really a couple during the period where Peeta wanted to murder Katniss lol! Plus they were fake dating and fake engaged for most of their relationship, so it's hard to tell what "broken up" means in this sort of context where they're not truly together to begin with.

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8? – 2, because Beast is a literal beast with claws and fangs and crap, and Belle is very smart. 8 are sweet little cuties who would get killed immediately lol!

13. Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason? – They both were kind of in denial about liking each other romantically, but that's not really the same thing. And they kind of broke up right after officially acknowledging they wanted to be together! I guess Stede was hiding his relationship when he went back to Mary.

14. Is 4 still together? – Kind of. The awful series finale makes their future murky.

15. Is 10 canon? – Yep, all of these ships are. I'm basic haha!

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win? – Well Beast is the most dangerous physically, but he wouldn't want to kill anyone. So I'm going with Chuck and Sarah due to their physical training and Sarah's skill and lack of remorse over killing anyone she needs to.

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 5’s ship? – Mostly Emma herself haha! I guess Neal and David kind of did, but not really actively/aggressively.

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond? – I strongly believe in all of them, but Belle and Beast are the most in need of defense because some people see them as toxic, so I'm the most prickly about defending their relationship, I guess.

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 3’s tumblr page? – Nope, they're not super popular on Tumblr. I think only 1, 5, and 7 have a strong presence on Tumblr.

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she’d break them all forever, which ship would you sink? – I guess Catherine and Henry just because they could each easily find someone else to love and be happy with and not be forever devastated by their breakup. They're not, like, soulmates, just two cute young people who happened to get thrown together.

Tagging some people if they want to do this: @loonysama, @thefamilybruno, @annaofthenorthernlights, @bad-at-names-and-faces, @thecassadilla, @keeshya6, @bethanydelleman, @thatscarletflycatcher + anyone else! (No pressure to do this as usual!)

#ask game #my ships #personal

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sammylatindeath · 2 days

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Ayo here's some more drawings for Lowly Laboratory (I finally have a name for dis!) PLEASE bear with me trying to explain the lore of this lol :'3 Before anything Tori and other fangirls/fanboys/etc. with next gen ocs are concubines. (Don't worry Gia treats all of them like waifus cuz he cool like that-) However in the time period of the first pic he was his strict af past self, which leads to the concubines disobeying orders.

This is a picture of a younger Tori (pre-ascension + w/o mask) when he and the equivalent for Eve, Ivy (@pnaplss's fangirl oc), were still in Mesagoza (the equiv. for Eden-btw it's a ghost town). So for context Tori is hesitant about looking into a suspicious sketchbook (basically the apple in genesis) gifted to him and Ivy by a mysterious spider (That's not a pokemon they've seen before-). Trust me bro, you do not want to see what's in that sketchbook.

✨Character profile time!✨This is S.W. (Sheep in Wolf's clothing) Lupine. Pronouns: They/them. Apparently while designing Lupine, I was subconsciously thinking Boris from batim XD. Just like Pentious in Hazbin Hotel (The goated OG), They enjoy engineering and get redeemed. Due to the association of wolves with dream catchers on shirts and stuff I made them a hippie for the lols. Basically Lupine's a hippie furry.

I just went ahead and made these two pictures with Lupine's ascended form because a. this moment in the original show is just iconic b. I like drawing my girls and c. cuz why not

Spoiler: As seen with Lupine, just like in the og Hazbin Hotel both ascended demons and fallen angels' appearances change... Mel's gonna take a tumble out of Segin-

#art #pokemon #hazbin hotel #parody #next gen oc #crack au #giacomo #pokemon giacomo

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tittyblade · 3 years

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tumblr etiquette 101

a list that is nowhere near exhaustive, from yours truly.

First off, welcome! Whether you’re a twitter veteran looking for anything but whatever twitter is, or a new user just done signing up, glad to see you in our ranks beloveds! Welcome home. Refer to this quick tour to make sure your fandom experience (or tumblr experience in general) is a positive one!

Disclaimer: I know it’s long, but please try to read or skim through til the end if you’re new here! This is by no means meant to be a rule book (for the most part lol), only a guide to help you get settled easier!

1) Your blog

This is where people will see and interact with you, so put some effort into it!

Try to choose a name (url) that’s simple. You can see it as your brand, it’s how people will perceive you and remember you. If you’d like to interact with other users here (and not use the site just for the content) it’s better to have something short and sweet, preferably without spaces. (Of course, these are only suggestions.) Rest assured, you can change it literally any time you want.

Have a theme. Utilize the tool that lets you edit your blog’s color or the font of your bio! You can make it match your profile picture, or your blog if it has a theme of its own. Make it feel homey :]

Fill in your bio. People will be checking out your profile probably more often than you think. Don’t leave it empty! Put in any information you’re comfortable with sharing and isn’t too personal (like your age if you’re a minor, or other TMI that can be found on other people’s carrds). It’s always better to add a name/nickname people can use to refer to you by, but feel free to use your blog description to shitpost still.

You can have an intro post. More often than not, you’ll see a blog have a pinned post, a post permanently appearing at the top of a blog until you pin another post or unpin it. You can make one of those, if you’d like to introduce yourself in more length, link any other socials or a carrd, and show others visiting your blog how you tag things so it’ll be easy for them to navigate. Not an obligation.

Keep your anonymity and your safety. It should go without saying, but there’s no harm in repeating it just in case. Your comfort, privacy and safety has the utmost importance. Don’t share any information you don’t want to. Don’t share your age if you’re a minor, or any other incredibly personal info. I’d encourage you to go by a nickname that’s not your real name, (blog name, your brand, remember?) since there’s safety in anonymity, and that’s lowkey one of the big deals of tumblr, but that’s up to you still.

Choose what you want to be visible. Your liked posts and who you follow are all things you can set to keep to yourself and hide from the publics eye, how handy! You should go through all the setting while you’re at it, set it to your comfort.

Side blogs are a thing. You can have multiple blogs that you can use for different things (see: different fandoms, art blog, etc) to keep them organized or away from your followers. Just remember that the replies and off-anon asks you send will be from your main blog, as well as where you follow other blogs from.

2) Interacting with others

You’ve set up your account, now comes the fun part!

Follow to your heart’s desire. If you care about others seeing who you follow, fear not! In tumblr, usually only two types of blogs keep their following visible to others: newbies, and big blogs using it to point people on other good blogs’ direction. Just turn it off, and go ham following people.

Customize your dashboard. Gonna mention just two things here: this is another reason why it’s really important that you follow blogs without sparing, your dash will collect dust otherwise; and you should turn off “best stuff first” in your dashboard settings, to have a better community here and all.

Follow tags. You can set it in your settings that posts with your followed tags appear on your dashboard.

You can check the og post for edits and context. When you see a reblogged post you don’t understand the context of (or don’t recognize the character in case of fanarts), click on the profile so it will take you to the original post. From there you can check the original poster’s tags to get the context, or see if there have been any edits made to the post, since when you edit a post it doesn’t update any past reblogs.

Send people asks... This is how you make mutuals, people! Do it off-anon if you’d like them to know your blog, or anon if you’d rather not! (You can still end your messages with a signature to show you’re the same person, -[name] is one example.) Send them nice messages, ask their opinion on something, discuss things, or just straight up shitpost lol. Go wild. The sky’s your limit and it’s definitely more than 280 characters.

...and let them ask you! You can set your preference in the settings, do it on desktop tumblr to access more settings tho! What you can customize on mobile is limited (like letting people ask you things anonymously, that’s only on desktop settings). In my personal opinion, it’s always better to tag their username (or a nickname you give them, if they’re a friend) on that post, since you wouldn’t want your interactions with your friends to get buried in your blog forever.

Comment on posts. If you have something to say but don’t want the post to appear on your blog you can add a comment. The owner of the post will get a notif for it, but for anyone else you need to tag them.

For the love of god, reblog. People will only see your liked posts if you have it visible to public and they specifically go on your blog to look at them. You like something? You reblog. It’s already hard for posts to circulate properly, if you don’t reblog them literally no one will see them. If not for anything do it for the artists. Just hold and drag on mobile to fast rb.

3) Your Posts

Finally here! Don’t be a lurker, post and engage!

Make use of “read more”. If your post is long, add it. That’s what you clicked on earlier to expand this post. On desktop leave an empty line and you’ll see three dots appear, and on mobile type :readmore: on that empty line.

Draft a post to come back to it later. Pretty self explanatory.

Queue your post. Whether it’s your own post or you’re reblogging, make use of the queue feature to a) not spam reblog and fill up the dashboard of people following you and b) keep your blog active while you’re gone. Mess around in the settings, it’s fairly easy to set up.

Schedule your post. Same as queueing, the only difference is you get to choose the exact time your post will go up. Handy if you want to schedule a post for certain dates like april fools, or 5 years in the future for some reason.

Format your texts. You can do all kinds of fancy stuff here (that’s a link, try pressing on it). Twitter doesn’t have this, make use of it. Changes depending on whether you’re on mobile or desktop. (Desktop has less features.)

Check your stats. If you’re trying to understand the algorithm better or want to look at some pretty graphs you can get your data on that on desktop tumblr.

@ people in comments. You’ll get all the notifs when people comment on your posts but they won’t see your reply unless you tag them in your message.

4) Tags, and tagging a post

This is where my earlier statement “this isn’t a rule book” stops being applicable. It’s not a war crime to go against these, I won’t come chasing you (don’t take my word for this) but you’ll work up a bad rep. Just saying lol.

Do NOT crosstag posts. It’s really tempting to add unrelated tags to increase your posts’ interaction, I know, but that’s not what tumblr is about. Don’t be a dick and make other communities’ experience worse for them.

Always tag your posts with “crit/critical/discourse/etc” if it calls for it. There’s no exceptions to it. This is the reason you see people migrating to tumblr. Let people enjoy things.

Don’t main tag a critical/negative post. If your crit post is about “Thing”, you add the “Thing critical” tag, but not the “Thing” tag. People block crit tags if they don’t want to see it, don’t shove it in their faces by main tagging it.

If you don’t want to see something, just block it. Another reason why people are able to survive on tumblr. You don’t start discourse, you don’t make call-outs, you block. You can find something for every community you can think of if you go looking for it. The worst of the worst probably won’t ever appear on your dash, but if you’re worried or feel the need for it, you know where the block button is.

Feel free to shitpost or ramble. More often than not you’ll see people rb a post with a comment, and their elaboration will be in the tags. The tags are only visible on your profile and the notifications of the owner of the og blog. Just a thing people do.

Reblog artists’ posts with nice comments in the tags! Commenting on a drawing is usually done through the tags (Not an obligation, again, just a thing people do. Feel free to add your comment on the rb itself if you’d want other people to see it tho!) and leave nice messages for the artists! It’s a win-win for everyone involved.

If you have more than a single follower, always use the common tw warning tags. You don’t need to tw everything, but tw’ing some common things is the bare minimum human decency. Keep it safe for others.

Tag a post “long post” if it’s really long. Pretty self explanatory. Don’t make people scroll through all that please lol.

You can use them to organize your blog. This is more of a pro tip, if you’d like to not miss a post in your blog, cause they will start pilin’ up soon enough.

#Liveblogging is pretty fun. If you’d like to talk to people during streams, don’t forget to add the relevant tags still! Again, you won’t show up on people’s dash otherwise.

Whew! That got out of hand. Hopefully I didn’t bore you too much. Check out blogs like @heritageposts and @hellsite-hall-of-fame to honor our past o7. @mcytblr-hall-of-fame too maybe :eyes:. Anyways, don’t forget the most important rule of them all:

Enjoy your stay! You’re meant to have fun on here while also making friends (if that’s your thing). Just be kind and respectful of others, you’ll get the hang of the rest! <3

#mcyttwt #mcytblr #dream team #dream smp #mcyt #dsmp #tumblr #how to tumblr #gonna tag ppl now so more users will see it lol #dreamwasteken #georgenotfound #karl jacobs #technoblade #sbi #twitter #twitter discourse #sbitwt #sleepytwt #sleepy bois inc #HOLY shit this took so long omg my back literally hurts rn #the fuckin lengths i go to make sure tumblr doesnt get tainted w twt LMAO #anyways if youre seeing this you should follow me look at how sexy i am i spent the last 2+ hours typing this goddamn list out #also: ignore how i literally sound like its 2014 at some parts here lol i tried my best #also ignore how wack the paragraph breaks are tumblrs formatting hates me and its 4 am im too tired for this #third also: some bits here are supposed to be ironic keep that in mind pls #rolan.txt #long post #save #yes im tagging my own post as save what about it

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letarasstuff · 3 years

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One kind of intern

(A/N): This was requested by @greenslifestuff :) It took me a week or two because I had to interact with my friends in order to get the inspiration I needed 😅 Summary: The team gets to work with a gen z teenager. Let’s see how that goes.

Warnings: Swearing and gen z humour

Wordcount: 2k

✨Masterlist✨

___________________________________

“Team, this is (Y/N) (L/N). She will be interning for the upcoming three months alongside this team. (Y/N), these are Agents Emily Prentiss, Jennifer Jareau, David Rossi, Derek Morgan and Doctor Spencer Reid and our Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia”, Hotch introduces a teenage girl to his team like this happens every day.

“Wait Hotch, we don’t get interns. What is she going to do, no offense, but getting us coffee or what?” Morgan eyes her suspiciously. She looks like any teenager grabbed from the street. A band t-shirt, a torn pair of jeans and a cup from starbucks in her hands. Nothing you would expect to even enter a federal building.

“No offence taken, Agent Morgan. I know having an ugly pickly bitch working with professionals seems weird. It’s just I have summer break and I thought it would be a good thing on my resumé if I already interned in the FBI, because I just graduated and I wanted to go to the academy this fall. But if you wanna do a vibe check with me first, that’s fine by me. Whatever floats your boat.”

The room falls silent. Then out of all sudden everyone turns to Garcia, who puts her arms up in defense. “I don’t even know half the things she said, ask her yourself.”

That’s how the BAU gets their first contact with Gen Z culture and let me tell you it is a wild ride, so buckle up your seats, drink your tea up because we aren’t going to make any stops.

“(Y/N), I need you to come with me. We are going to the M.E. getting the latest reports from our last case”, Morgan tells her while passing her desk. In the blink of an eye the teenager is ready, putting her denim jacket with various pins and bits of patches on.

“Derek, can we get starbucks on the way back? The pumpkin spiced latte is back on their menu and I am on withdrawal. Pleaaaaaasseeee”, she looks at him with a pouty face. Morgan smiles. “Ok, under one condition: We both get one, take awesome pictures and send them to the group chat and then we act like we didn’t get them anything, but we actually buy them their usual.” He got the hang of it pretty fast. “Deal, Sis.”

While they are in the car on their way to the M.E. the agent groans. “Ugh, road work ahead.” “Uh yeah, I sure hope it does!” Morgan eyes her from the side. His whole demeanor says ‘old and confused’.

“What was that, kid?” But (Y/N) begins to laugh. “Don’t you know vines? Short dumb and funny clips people made?” It’s safe to say that this afternoon he learns to speak in vines, getting on Rossi’s nerves because nothing makes sense anymore.

“Ok, I heard you wanted to become a profiler. So I thought I would show you some old cases and then you try to figure out the profile. I’ll present them to you like I do to the team, alright?” JJ and (Y/N) sit in her office, safe from curious eyes. “As right as the law, Ma’am.”

“Good, this is a case from several years ago. It happened here in D.C. Three men were murdered execution style in the middle of the night in an alleyway. They were all from different backgrounds. The only connection between them was that they were evicted for some form of sexual harassment or assault. The UnSub also had a signature: A shot into their groin while the men were alive.”

Unfaced by the presented facts (Y/N) pops a piece of gum into her mouth. “It do be like that.”

“What?” “I mean, it’s obviously a woman. She experienced any harassment or assault herself. She also has excess to the files, I assume she works as a paralegal, since most of them are women. Female serial killers are extremely rare, but they are better organized. The only thing left to say is good for her getting revenge.” The blonde looks at the teenager with wide eyes.

“I-I guess but you know you can’t say anything like that to Hotch, do you?” She asks concerned. “JJ, I’m dead inside, not dumb. I know this.” But the agent shrugs. “Good. Though I really want to see his face.” “Mood.”

Penelope Garcia is the closest one to relate to Gen Z culture, since a great part of her time is spent on the internet. She happily learns about all the phrases and their meanings as well as the newest trends and hypes.

“Purp is sus, I tell you”, is heard from the lair into the hallway. Spencer and Derek look at each other with concern on their faces. “Do you think they are alright or do we have to-” “IT’S A SELF REPORT I SWEAR PENNY! YOU WORK WITH PROFILERS IN GANDALF’S NAME!” Spencer’s question is answered by that.

“Baby girl, crazy girl, are you doing good? Do you need help or something?” The older one asks warily. But it’s drowned in another screaming match. “I TOLD YOU PURP WAS THE IMPOSTER BUT YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM I VENTED WHEN I DIDN’T! I WANT ALL TIKTOKS I SENT YOU BACK!” “YOU DON’T DARE TO REVOKE MY TIKTOK PRIVILEGES!” “WATCH ME GARCIA!”

“Whoa girls, what about taking a break?” Morgan tries to diffuse the situation. “Yes, I think JJ got new pictures of Henry and Emily brought cookies this morning”, Spencer adds.

The girls, who mere seconds ago were ready to jump each other's throats, look at the other one. “You get the cookies and I go to JJ, deal?” (Y/N) asks. “Deal!” Without sparing the boys another glance they run out of the lair. Their devices are still lit up. A red figure shines into their faces. ‘AMONG US’ is written underneath it. “I think we get too old for this stuff, don’t we Reid?”

Spencer always thought he was young. Of course, his mind is older, but physically he is not that old. But the intern proves him wrong. And boy is he wrong.

“Spencer, is there anything interesting to know today?” (Y/N) takes a seat on his desk, distracting the genius from his paperwork. It is a common occurrence for her to go to him to ask for a fun fact.

“Do you wanna learn something about sloths?” His knowledge (or the writer’s) on this subject is astonishingly big.

“Spill the tea, sis.” “Did you kn- What? But I don’t have tea to spill. And I don’t wanna spill anything, I-” Reid rambles in confusion.

“It’s just a saying, Spencer. There is no deeper meaning to it then ‘Tell me everything about it’. You know, it’s mostly used for gossiping, but I don’t really like to gossip. That’s why I use it in a different context. You got it?” (Y/N) explains it to him in a soft manner, knowing her generation can be complex.

“Yeah, I think I do. Thank you for telling me. I really like the phrase. It has a nice ring. What about you spill the tea about all the phrases you know and I tell you some things from my knowledge?” “I think you got yourself a teacher, genius. But now tell me about the sloths, I love them.”

A few days later Rossi catches her doing some weird moves. “Are you having a seizure or what is your problem, youngster?” Even though he tries not to show it, David took a great liking to (Y/N), thinking of her like a granddaughter. Still, most of her actions confuse the hell out of him.

“I’m practising a dance for tiktok. My friends and I worked on a choreo we wanted to film later. Come here, I can show you.” And that’s what she does in the conference room. The teenager walks him through every move of the choreo, explaining the meaning to it and how it correlates with the song.

“And then you move your arm like that. Exactly like that! You did a great job, David! Are you sure you don’t want to come with me later? We can make you your own account and name it ‘Grandpa-on-tiktok’. You can promote your books over there and it’s a way to float with the trend!”

Seeing her this excited Rossi can’t do anything but agree to the idea. Also, he secretly liked doing the dance thing. It made him feel young again.

“(Y/N), you said you graduated this summer. But your file said you are 16?” Emily asks her one boring day filled with paperwork and countless cups of coffee. “It is what it is”, she mindlessly answers, too focused on filling out the work in front of her.

“I mean yes but how?”

“Emily, smart people exist. I know, coming from me hits different, but here we are.” Finally (Y/N) puts her pen away looking at the raven haired woman.

“What are you talking about? I can’t really follow you.” The more the intern says the more confused gets Emily.

She sighs. “I don’t want to leave you on read here. I kind of am smart somehow. Apparently I was smart enough to skip a grade or two. But it’s no biggie. Many peeps do this, so I don’t sweat it.”

“Even though I feel like you are selling yourself short here, I know you are an incredibly intelligent person. Someday you will be an awesome profiler and any team will be lucky to have you. I really hope we will be the lucky team. But I’m still not sure if this is what I should say in this context.”

“Emily, you are goals. This fam is squad goals. I really hope to be a part of this someday”, (Y/N) admits. “I’m sure Hotch will do his best to get you on the team, you became a great part of it. I can’t imagine a future without you.”

Sadly Prentiss has to get used to a time without the team’s beloved intern. On her last day (Y/N) knocks at Hotch’s door.

“Hey, I wanted to say thank you. The time with you and all the others was amazing and I learned so many useful things for not only the academy but also for my daily life. I really had a glow-up here”, she says after coming in.

Hotch motions towards the chairs in front of his desk. “Take a seat, (Y/N). I got something for you. See it as a compensation for not getting paid for your internship. You really did great work and a better job than some agents, who are doing theirs for many years already but don’t know half the stuff you do. You are a valuable member to the team.”

“Wait, you speak in presence tense. I leave you all this afternoon, you know that, do you?” But the Unit Chief only gestures to a white envelope on his desk. Quickly the teenager takes it and reads it.

“Are you serious Hotchner? Because I will cry you a river if you joke”, she threatens him.

“I’m dead serious, (Y/N). Even though half of your talks are difficult to understand, the other half is twice as useful and important. Additionally to that, you are like a fresh breath of air that the team needed. That’s why a place here will be available for you as soon as you graduate from the academy. I trust you that you will pass with flying colors, I had to promise that to Strauss.”

“Of course, Hotch. I swear on my Animal Crossing Island that I will do my best and more. Thank you so much”, she leaps into his arms.

The others watch the interaction from the bullpen, pretending to not get teary eyed. Their favorite Gen Z Kid will come back to them after all.

Taglist:

Spencer Reid

@calm-and-doctor

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x teen!reader #penelope garcia x reader #penelope garcia x teen!reader #derek morgan x reader #derek morgan x teen!reader #david rossi x reader #david rossi x teen!reader #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch x teen!reader #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss x teen!reader #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfiction #x reader #reader insert #x teen!reader #jennifer jareau x reader #jennifer jareau x teen!reader

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ahjustroza · 3 years

Note

Do you have any hcs abt Last Legacy modern au?

Sorry for the wait! I just write very slow 🥺😭 btw I am still writing other requests! I'll post them as soon as I finish writing ✨😌😏 And YES I still take requests😏😏😏

Lol btw I haven't played the catboy Felix tale yet but found his delicious CG. Also, there might be typos etc. My dyslexia was a hoe for the last couple of days (･_･

Last Legacy Modern Au Headcanons

Sage

Lmao the first time you went to his place you faced with an ancient-looking old computer that he found in a garage sale

"It still works"

"Sage with its monitor alone you can heat your entire house in winter"

"Aye, but I don't have to use that to get heated if you catch my drift."

Let me give you a concept: thrift store dates

You took him to a thrift store once and thought it might be fun

But at the moment you entered the store Sage found a damn fake fur jacket and gold sunglasses

He will buy anything with a famous brand logo and say it is original and is an antique

But he'll only do that to annoy people

Mostly.

Sage cares about his looks but doesn't go crazy about it

Before dating you he just lived his life like a street kid like in cyberpunk 2077

Sage and Tulsi grew up in slums and then Sage got an apartment so that Tulsi could grow up in a safe environment

He didn't go to college but made sure that Tulsi did

Sage basically works as a mercenary in the modern au as well

He travels a lot and has to disappear for a looong long time

Tulsi is used to it but you aren't

Once you two are in a relationship and he feels ready to settle down he might get a job closeby to your shared house

You made him realize that he needs his family around him

And now he is not alone to carry all the burden by himself

He knows that if he can't make it in time you will be there to help out Tulsi or take care of all the work for him

He feels lighter around you

Also, he makes many people jealous on the streets lol

Whenever you two are on a date no one can believe that you, a literal divine being, could look at a Boku no pico catboy maid-sama man like him.

He is also jealous of you

But never possessive

He likes to send you out of context memes in the worst possible times ever

Like you got Luigi and Mario animations, doing the waltz, with the Britney Spears' Toxic song during the busiest hour of your shift

He also texted "This us"

The audacity

Sage would also LOVE video games

Especially Final Fantasy games

But he suck at playing them so he makes you play instead

And he'll give instructions too

"I saw a checkpoint in the other room babe,"

"Love, I gotta run away from the boss right now."

"It's not the boss, bosses have their boss rooms. This is an obstacle"

Sage also suck at filing taxes

So good luck with that

I can see Sage having PTSD treatments because of his traumatized childhood and the life he had to live until now after settling down with you

You convinced him to go to therapy and Tulsi backed you up

So he will take medications every day

At first, you had to remind him a lot, but then he just made it an addiction and now doesn't need reminders

He was never happier and finally had a taste of a healthy and caring relationship with you

He is also not so terrible with putting the IKEA furniture together.

Felix

He got expelled from Harvard.

Then his rich father had to convince the headmaster to reconsider the decision and Felix ended up with suspension instead smh

Felix's grades are great but he has disciplinary issues

I can see him majoring in criminal justice and mortuary science

Or maybe just mortuary science

Escell was very disappointed in him.

He is also famous for dating with the valedictorian among Harvard graduates

Then they broke up and you yeeted yourself in his life

Or he yeeted himself to your arms

He literally dramatically fell one day and you happened to be close to catch him

Then the Titanic music played in the background with the slow summer rain fell down to your heads

You are hot so he was flustered

Like he internally screamed when he fell in your arms

Or shall I say fell in love?

You two then started as friends since not too later he found out that he might actually have a chance with you after you mentioned your love of video games and romance books

After starting to date he confessed that he has an AO3 account asddgf

Rime was a burden too

He was the one who broke Felix's heart

But still wanted him to only love him and him alone

Then you were like

"Hoe listen to me..."

Rime hot

But no

Felix cried until morning the day you fist fought Rime in the grocery store parking lot

AAHGDHFA

Scylla secretly approved your determination that day and watched the fight afar

Escell got drunk and Florian came home the day after for everyone's explanations

The deeper your relationship got the more a part of his family you become

I mean every Friday it was now a routine that Felix and you attended family dinner

No one even asks anymore they just put your plate down and Escell hides his most expensive wine bottles from everyone

Felix is not good to live in his own house though

He always lived with someone in the house so he wasn't alone

Ever.

When you moved into the same house with him Felix was relieved

You two will be emos together and watch fifty shades of grey movies during the quarantine

Please ask Felix if he thinks the movie is interesting, he will avoid you all day long

Then become a blanket burrito at night lmao

Oh btw he might tell you random facts about mortuary

Like you are in the shower and he comes in to brush his teeth

Then he'll tell you a fact you didn't have to know then leave

"Truly fascinating, if you ask me."

He is also the type to text you from the other side of the room

Or call you from the other room to ask you if you can bring him something to eat

Felix would also love to go to the farmers' market too

"Finally some quality food."

Whenever you two go on a vacation together

lmao someone ALWAYS takes his hand and reads his palm

Only to be ended up getting scolded and getting a proper palm reading from Felix

Anisa

Call her and ask if she wants drive tru

"Love, it is thREE IN THE MORNING, I have work tomorrow-"

"So two? Or nah?"

"Get a coffee."

Actually, she wants a cookie but won't admit it

She knows you'll get her a cookie

You always get her a cookie with coffee

Anisa might be a great investigator if you ask me

If not a detective or a police chief or lieutenant

But I think she would work in law enforcement

Or she might also start her own company and rise as well

Unlike Sage and Felix, Anisa will not live in the same house with you before she decides to settle down for good

It's not because she doesn't want you around her

But because she is always at work and doesn't want to leave everything to you to handle at home

But she is always with you on her day offs

Will call you once a day at least

Text you during her breaks or whenever she can

If you can show up at her workplace during the lunch break she will take you to the nearest coffee shop

"Their coffee is not nearly as good as yours, but among other shops, this is the most drinkable one."

She will spoil you during your dates!

She likes to see you smile and will do anything for you to have a good time with her

So expect sweets, movie nights, amusement park dates, or just traveling during both of your yearly week/month offs/breaks

She won't admit it but likes it when you try to match your clothes with hers

She will know your favorite everythings lol

Take her to a dinner date and she will be so happy and feel spoiled

She will let you paint her nails

Let you get all the hot water in the shower

Will let you wear her clothes

Pillow fights are allowed every now and then

When she gets sick she'll try to power through but likes it when you baby her

Whenever you get sick she will try to not fuss over you but every 15 minutes she'll ask to take you to see a doctor

She is a cereal gal

You might have to drag her to bed many nights because she will take work at home

Oh my god, do play dungeons and dragons with her

If you visited somewhere she has never been she will ask a lot of questions about your trip

Likes to binge a tv series you two found online

Also enjoys just silent but comfortable moments with you

When you read your book she will gaze at you

All heart eyes

Will put her favorite picture of you two as her profile picture in her social media accounts

Will like your every post

ALWAYS TEXTS BACK TO YOU. ALWAYS.

Never leaves you on read/seen

She will either give you a proper text or just let you know that she is busy at the moment

Also if you come home later than her she will ask if you want her to prepare anything special you want for dinner

otherwise, she'll do dishes that you both like anyway

If she is late, she'll call you to ask if you need anything from the grocery store, etc.

#last legacy #felix escellun #fictif last legacy #fictif games #sage lesath #fictif #fictif felix #fictif sage #sage last legacy #felix iskandar escellun #felix headcanons #last legacy sage headcanons #sage lesath headcanons #anisa headcanons #anisa anka headcanons #last legacy headcanons #some writing

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functionaxes · 2 years

Text

the best explanation of Ni i’ve ever given up to this point

if you want to really understand Ni look no further than this post. i can’t believe i managed to finally put it so well LOL.... i hope it helps you understand it better because we REALLY gotta demystify it. this comes from my firsthand experience with highly conscious/differentiated Ni, that and a Lot of reading on theory to make sure what i experience is indeed Ni.

you can see potently how Se/Ni works (at least when Ni is dominant) in what i wrote here on a profile:

“i should note that i analyzed one clip in depth here but i used it because it’s so representative of sadie’s character as a WHOLE. my vote comes from my general impression of her personality over the course of the entire show, not any one single clip—i actually just used the first clip i came across on youtube and that was enough to demonstrate my point about her being ISFJ! so i’m not cherrypicking evidence. (also right here perfect example you can actually see that “all the top 3 functions need to justify Ne use” in me too but with Se instead lol)”

that “i actually just used the first clip i came across on youtube and that was enough to demonstrate my point about her being ISFJ” is so Se/Ni. it’s so.... “detached” from the particularity one’s own concrete experience, like Se is something to be utilized where experiences are easily exchangeable with any other. because the main point is that overall impression with Ni (like an ant colony), and using any clip you can find merely as a demonstration of it because you have no choice to if you want to objectively point to it (a single ant).

but Se/Ni finds that a single clip is still only a slice of the full picture and shouldn’t be taken by itself as its own self-contained argument without paying mind to all the other concrete examples out there. this single example is simply an epitomization of Ni’s impressions in an Se form that i can actually point to and others can objectively see. i have to keep it simple, because even though i think it would be more well-rounded for giving people that evidence to support Ni, putting together multiple clips to make a point isn’t always energetically sustainable and wastes my time, and i doubt other people have the time to sit through it either. i’ve done it before and it takes hours, not worth it. but that’s the ideal cognizing of Se/Ni.

just to put into perspective how much lack of justice a single clip—a single concrete example (Se)—does to communicate the depth of an Ni impression, understand that to communicate an Ni impression in its entirety i’d have to have the other person watch the entire series. or at least every scene and episode with this character in it. because that’s what i did, and that’s where my Ni impression is derived from. every single raw experience is important and adds nuance to Ni's impression until it’s so well molded that it genuinely takes on a character that feels “realer” than any one example it was derived from. because that impression IS the culmination of the entire thing, compressed into a well-established impression, but removed from any specific concrete representation.

and i trust that other people have context besides this single clip because they watched the show. that is Se’s ontological prejudice: assuming that concrete experience is in the public domain and is available to anyone that cared to look. and this single clip is just one arbitrary pick in a sea of equally compelling examples to choose from to demonstrate Ni’s impression and the user’s reasoning in a way that can be objectively pointed to.

i love the ant colony-ant metaphor for Ni and Se respectively. like the concept of an “ant colony” being something that you can’t easily point to yet it exists. so the only thing you can do is point to any single ant at a time, since they are the basis upon which the whole ant colony exists in the first place. but it would be a mistake to assume that any single ant you point to is all that there is to the entire ant colony. that's EXACTLY Ni and Se. it’s easy to understand because it’s at such a microscopic level that anyone, including Ne/Si users, can know what you mean.

but Se/Ni takes this to a MUCH larger scale, where not all “ants” (or Se examples/experiences) are visible and working together all at once in the same time and place, but rather are broken up and stretched across a period of time and space that aren’t going to be visible in its entirety at any given moment.

it’s like in edwin abbott’s flatland, where the 3-dimensional sphere passes through the 2-dimensional plane and the flatlanders only see it as a line that grows and shrinks in width, unable to make sense of the entire thing at once. if each slice of that sphere through the 2-D plane is an individual Se experience, then Ni is tracking them all, and mentally piecing them all together into something greater than what was ever objectively manifest at any individual point. no one else saw the sphere, because the image of a sphere on its own was never objectively there at any point (unlike the ant colony, since all the ants contributing to the entirety of the ant colony exist in one contained place and time).

the flatlanders just can't see it as a whole thing at any given time because Se only works with what is objectively manifest without extrapolating. Ni tracks all these individual raw experiences and fuses them together, tossing aside whatever was concretely there at any point (the individual Se slices) because it perceives the whole thing in its accumulated entirety in a way that takes on a new qualia, distinct from the pieces that made it up. if you’re interested or want more examples, this phenomenon actually has a name—it’s called “emergence”. it’s exactly the kind of stuff Ni extrapolates out of Se.

for the purposes of providing a fuller picture of the reality of Ni, i would also like to add that when there isn’t really any objective truth or “source” underlying multiple pieces of data (though there usually almost always is), Ni will still perceive it as if there is; a mental illusion of sorts. the 3-D sphere needn’t even actually exist in the first place; it can be a 2-D object that somehow grows and shrinks in diameter. Ni will still piece it together and perceive it as a 3-D sphere. this can be either ultimately harmless or dangerously delusional, but that is why the judgment functions exist to counter it, to check for soundness by applying reason and getting objective feedback from the outside. this is why Ni doms seek to know first and foremost if their intuitions have any “meaning” in the first place before wanting to hear what people think or feel about them.

INTP friend: “It must be hard knowing you usually can't give people the whole picture easily. I see why you're inclined to mainly interact with people as the same interests as you: way less explaining and providing context”

this is exactly why i use spongebob so much for analogies and as a concrete basis for communicating or exemplifying trans-contextual Ni constructs that exist in my mind. because people know the context, they know the characters, i can trust pretty much anyone i talk to to have seen every season 1-3 episode. so spongebob is a rare example of the ant colony analogy at the macroscopic level, the level at which Se/Ni functions at.

Si is pickier about what concrete information it chooses to store, and tends to miss the forest for the trees when it comes to concrete perception. however, it makes up for this by maintaining that original fidelity and detail.

Ni doesn’t have the concrete fidelity that Si does, but you had better believe it is taking in the entire palette of Se without filtering those concrete experiences against an internal concrete representation. just as Ne takes in the wide palette of intuitive possibilities and doesn’t identify any extrapolation that is more prevailing than another, which is something that Ni users cannot do.

the weak part of Ni is that it has trouble hanging on to all this detail because it’s simply so much. so instead what it does is perceptually summarize possibly years’ worth of Se information as a single impression. it cuts corners on the detail because the details are ultimately irrelevant and would be impossible to remember, so what remains are the prevailing constants (see how it’s similar to Si?), but regardless of detail (hence, making it an extrapolative/intuitive function since it deviates from what was literally there). so most of the time this ends up being perceived by Ni as archetypes, tropes, “vibes”, a potent particular atmosphere about a thing, all very hard things to convey in words. they need to be refined with the judging functions to be deciphered in any meaningful way, yet the raw experience of that impression is already lost the moment you try to make sense of it by rationalizing it. it’s simply not possible to convey the extent of it.

Ni is vague, yet still perceived as strong and unshakeable.

if i could describe it visually, it’s like a circle made with the airbrush tool in an art program. fuzzy and ill-defined around the edges, except the opacity is 100% and the value is dark in the center, like it was gone over and reinforced multiple times. if it was on paper the ink would’ve easily bleed through. like this:

INTP friend: “That in mind, is there anything I could do that'd make communication more comfortable /easier for you? You've talked about putting in effort to understand others only to not get it in return, and I want to be considerate of that experience.”

see thats the thing. even if someone does everything right it’s impossible to communicate the depth of an Ni insight unless the person has experienced the exact same things as you have and can innately understand that depth. and in that case i wouldn't have to bother elaborating much in the first place.

you’re doing everything right. you’re engaging with my ideas; letting me know that they have meaning (by identifying that you also see examples that my intuition applies to, implying to me that this is evident outside of my own perception, like “OH THANK GOD SOMEONE ELSE NOTICES THIS”). i don't expect the depth of the insight to be shared because that’s an impossible order; someone would basically have to live my entire life the way i lived it because Ni intuitions utilize cross-contextual experiences, usually in the form of other intuitions, all ultimately derived from the entire palette of Se data i've gathered over a lifetime.

and i think that’s why Ni seems so powerful and why we just “know” things, because it’s like an entire life’s worth of the entire spectrum of raw experience but HIGHLY compressed (and of course has to lose some concrete fidelity because of that). it’s like taking a 1080p 20GB movie and compressing it to 45MB. the picture is fuzzy, but the same amount of info is there and takes up less space on your hard drive.

or like how a star can be really small in diameter yet have a super high density from compressing all the mass that once made it hundreds of times larger. Ni is like that. it’s all that information packed into a small space. it doesn’t seem like much, especially to an Ne/Si user who sees Ni intuitions as just another possibility among many.

Ne is only quickly glancing over stars’ diameters, giving it a broad, general picture. since it is an objective function, it can’t know the density of any given star, because the density of experience is on the inside of the star and is not objectively observable to the outside world. it’s quite alienating when it’s your dominant function!

(the analogy falls apart with the fact that we can know the density of stars. however, the analogy still applies in a sense since we can only know a star’s mass, and thus its density, by observing the effect it has on space around it, not unlike the way extraverted functions comprehend stuff.)

#introverted intuition #Ni #cognitive functions #mbti

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yanderart · 4 years

Text

Once you found Shouto on the Anti-Purge forums, it felt so wonderful to be understood. So comforting to finally have someone you could rely on...

So, when you got a letter notifying you of your selection for the Annual Purge later on, of course you went to seek his help.

Should’ve known better than to trust strangers online, though.

My fic/portrait convo for the Yandere Purge Collab, from the Lovesick Discord. And please check the rest of the m. list for other amazing works set in the same AU!

Under the cut is the actual fic (Todoroki x Reader, nsfw, dark themes, 10k), as well as the respective TWs. Hope y'all enjoy 🥀

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Tws: Usual yandere ones (stalking, manipulation, delusion). Dub-con/Non-con. Non-consensual Drug Use, aka Aphrodisiacs. Death threats and sexism (from randoms on the forum, not Todo).

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You couldn’t think straight —hadn’t been able to since waking up again. All you could recognize amidst the fog currently obscuring your thoughts was the longing, prolonged, and tangible in its hold over your being.

You felt hot all over, the flames licking at your skin burning brightly as you squirmed from your place, eagerly attempting to get closer to the cold reprieve emanating from the man that held you.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Y/N." One of his hands was steering you on his lap, the other one gently massaging your shoulders in a comforting motion. “I can only help you if you do."

If your judgment had not been overcast by the desire pushing away your self-awareness, then perhaps you could’ve heard the faint hint of amusement in his voice. Perhaps you would’ve thought to look up and finally encounter the content shine of his heterochromatic eyes.

“I feel…" speaking was laborious, your tongue impossibly weighty and your mind swirling with thoughts that escaped any semblance of coherence. “I feel hot all over. It hurts.”

The hand positioned around your waist went to search for one of your clenched ones, easily engulfing it in his grip as he nudged the side of your face with his chin rather tenderly. A gentle encouragement for you to stay attentive, anchoring you to the moment despite your dazed mindset.

“Show me then,” his low timbre tickled your skin, sending another wave of excruciating heat to wreak havoc inside your body, “Let me know where it hurts.”

With a stuttering sigh, you proceeded to press both of your hands to your lower stomach, gulping audibly before bringing them further down. Dancing just short of your underwear while your eyelids fluttered shut.

You knew your actions were out of character deep down. Even recognized the shadow of wrongness that distorted the current scene. You weren't supposed to do such things, weren't supposed to feel like that…

But the reality was that you were so excruciatingly warm by that point, and his palm felt so deliciously cold.

When you heard the dreadful siren going off in the distance, the instantly recognizable sound of the Purge starting at last, you were already too far gone to think of anything else but the fingers brushing against the thin cotton of your panties, so close to the evidence of your need soaking through them.

Your parents had told you not to trust strangers online once upon a time. You should’ve really taken their advice more to heart.

。。。。。

But first, perhaps a little tracing of your steps is in order —some necessary context to fully understand the extension of your plight.

You see, earlier that day you had woken up full of a peculiar mix of drive and determination. It was indeed Purge Day, the single day of the year you had grown to fear the most ever since childhood, and yet for once you found yourself oddly relaxed, filled to the brim with resolve instead of your usual nerves.

Which was already an unexpected turn of events, considering you had just gotten a letter notifying you of your selection as one of the accursed Darlings of the Night.

A gentle reminder that, if caught, your life would stop belonging to yourself for an entire dreadful year.

Because a Yandere had their sight on you now, or so the notice had informed you in impeccable typography. Anxious fingertips memorized the slight raise of inked words, inspecting every single detail the letter carried.

You had imagined a monster ready to pounce just outside your door then, fitting enough to be the carrier of your bad news. A preternaturally grotesque being, built from all the Yandere themed horror stories you had heard throughout the years.

And yet there you were, feeling safer in that instant than you had in years; Because this time you had a plan. He made sure to give you one you could easily follow.

Just like he later made sure to welcome you in with a kind smile and awfully persistent hospitality.

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

You should've known better than to accept.

。。。。。

In the present, fingers were now dipping under the elastic of your panties, ghosting across feverish skin and encouraging your whimpers to grow louder.

"Is this what you want, then?" The man's breath tickled one of your ears, rough digits gathering your slickness with practiced ease. And he sounded genuinely concerned too, as if your discomfort was not a consequence of his own machinations. "Because I wanna ease your pain, baby. Give you what you truly need."

He barely even touched you yet you were already struggling not to crumble, the desire governing your mind mixing with the new sensations to create a new delirious kind of torment.

Continuing to tease you, the man was relentless in his torture, barely even brushing over your neediest spots. A gentle press of his palm to stimulate you for a moment before pulling back, much to your shameful frustration; Better than nothing, but not close enough.

In his own way, though, he was urging you to speak up. Expecting you to demand what you truly wanted.

Yet as a retort, all you could come up with was gasping out his name, dripping from your lips like honeyed prayers as your hips fought to buck up against his hand.

A sound you afterward repeated a hundred times over. Chanted until its melody became engraved on your tongue and the man was finally caving in, sliding his fingers inside with a smirk.

He had known you'd end up caving, had planned for it for months now, and yet nothing had prepared him for the actual view.

。。。。。

Shou, actually, had been his username when you first met him. Once upon a time recited with a genuine smile and an eagerness to please, such a far cry from the anguished whines it would later lead up to.

You started frequenting the forum he inhabited a few months back. A place which happened to be a hidden corner of the internet for people who did not just stumble upon it, but actually sought it out. A part of the web where its occupants challenged societal norms and, against what society had tried to condition you all into thinking, chose to voice their taboo Anti-Purge sentiments instead.

Sentiments perhaps born either due to the inherent discriminatory nature of the holiday (why was it that Yanderes were accommodated for, while Darlings barely got a warning before they were made prey?), a need for contrarianism (when opposing open kidnappings, assault and other debauchery became an act of rebellion), or just a tenuous moral high ground which made it unbearable to stomach. Whatever the reason, it was your first time encountering such a density of like-minded peers.

Despite attempting to commit yourself to being a lurker, deciding to never post or reply to others, your days had still quickly become consumed by the need to read each and every topic. You were simply fascinated with this new dark corner of the web.

That was, of course, until the aforementioned Shou became the main focus of your attention, a dash of intriguing brightness to break the monotony of your existence.

And like moths rushing to the flame, your curiosity would be your undoing.

There was something about him that pulled you in (along with many others from the community, which tended to flock on his posts whenever he grazed the forums). His username was clearly just a nickname instead of a carefully crafted pseudonym; profile picture just an image of the back of what you all assumed to be his hair, dual-toned strands catching the light in a hypnotic way.

Truly, his disregard for anonymity within those parts was a bigger statement than you were expecting, almost as commendable as it was dumbfounding. There was the nature of his postings too, never subtle about his inclinations or ideas.

How to disarm and reutilize Purge Traps.

Most effective ways to incapacitate a violent assailant.

Government lies and why they matter.

Faking a BOPC (breach of purge code) and getting away with it.

There was little method to the madness that was his forum activity, besides the hint that he was evidently more knowledgeable about the subject than most. Plus the fact that he was proactive about his advice, actually seeking to teach others to fight back instead of just hide away and hope for the best. For another self-proclaimed Darling, Shou was ruthless with his methods —it was hard not to admire him.

And admire you did, keeping tabs of his sporadic bursts of activity and speeding to try and interact with him whenever you caught him online. You were, to voice it simply, simply star-truck by him (and perhaps becoming a bit of a fangirl).

Because whoever Shou was, it felt like he understood you. And so, against every ounce of your common sense or natural paranoia, you had finally decided to break your golden rule and reach out for the first time since you joined the niche forum.

And not to just leave a vague comment agreeing on public discourse, but to actually send him a private message. In your defense, how were you supposed to know the chains of events your actions would start?

Do you actually believe what you post?, had been your lame conversation starter.

Luckily for you, he did not leave you hanging. You made sure to send the message while he was still active, one of the few days a week you knew he devoted to his presence on the site (and wasn't it slightly creepy, how you had taken the time to learn his schedule by that point?)

I wouldn't be here if I didn't, dry, to the point and leaving you embarrassed to have even sent the first question.

Yet for some reason, something about Shou reverted you back into a middle school kid seeking to impress a way cooler senior.

Perhaps it was what he symbolized (a change for the better), what he appeared to be (everything you wish you were) —whatever it was, your fingers were frantically typing a reply as soon as his appeared on your screen.

I just think it's amazingThe things you know

How you share them with everyone

The way you see through the lies

I just think you're— , your digits hovered over the keyboard as you were about to type out the last sentence before quickly deleting it. Even in your excitement, you knew how obsessed you'd sound if you started complimenting him personally in your very first conversation.

So instead you sent your thoughts on his posts and awaited his answer with bated breath. A few minutes ticked by this time, your anxiety making you count down the seconds in mortified silence, slowly weighted down by your doubts until your notifications for the forum were going off again with a distinct ping.

I've seen your replies around. I think you're great too.

Whatever your hang ups for praising him directly had been, he clearly did not harbor any. As the prongs of nervousness alleviated their hold over your body, you struggled to see any problems with it either…this was a person you had come to idolize, and they thought you were great?

Your smile, while still anxious, was considerable while you quickly responded.

I'm just a n00b. Learning from the pros.

A moment of thought, biting your bottom lip as you decided whether to add a second message or not. Fuck it, you told yourself.

I wasn't even supposed to be posting anything, but you made me wanna reach out.

Was that too forward? Oh god, it was, wasn't it? You must've sounded creepy, must've sounded desperate and…

That's cute. Did my ramblings teach you anything?

An actual squeal left you then, sounding like it came from an altogether different person. You were an adult, with a career and responsibilities… Yet somehow, this stranger online indirectly calling you cute made you more excited than you were comfortable admitting.

Ofc. I didn't even know what a BOPC was before. Didn't know most of the purge traps you mentioned, either.

The spaces between replies were getting smaller, the conversation turning fluent as you both seemed to be staring straight into the screen, waiting for the other to finish typing.

So you really are a n00b then.

Shit, did you fail some sort of forum etiquette by admitting that? Somehow, the need to impress Shou was more palpable than ever.

And you clearly know your stuff. Makes me wanna up my game.

Be more like you, you left unsaid.

So am I your senpai then?

Your fingers froze just above the keyboards, eyes scanning over Shou's last message and reverted back to staring at his profile pic for a solid minute. You would've squealed again, if you weren't so taken aback.

You make it sound like I am, his second message lit up your screen, coming in quickly after your rare pause in replies.

I don't think that's bad, though. Third message from him, and you were close to fainting now.

Then in that case I suppose you are. You wondered whether Shou wouldn't think you were pathetic admitting that, or whether he had been honest by saying he didn't mind...

I've also noticed you agreeing with some of my more polarizing views.

A welcomed change in topics.

You thought to ask him which ones (most of his posts tended to have a polarizing effect, with people finding him either too radicalized or not radicalized enough), but before you could formulate the question you saw the twinkling circles symbolizing he was typing up another sentence.

Do you actually believe them? And now it was his turn to spit your words back at you.

Well, yah. You make compelling arguments.

Color me impressed then, the start of his new retort left your mind spinning. Never met a n00b like you before.

After his declaration, you found yourself writing and rewriting your answer, hesitating on your word choice, and yet pure elation coursed through your veins.

He said he's impressed with me, your brain kept supplying on loop. You had no way of knowing just how much of a lasting impression you were leaving.

I don't wanna stay one tho. I'd like to jump a few levels. Improve.

Barely a moment's notice before his last message provoked a noticeable hitch in your breath.

I can help you with that.

Which, as short of a reply as it was, left you giddier than would’ve been healthier to admit.

Perhaps it could be chalked up to your work shifts growing more monotonous and tiresome, your social life becoming a faint echo of what it used to be, or just the regular wear and tear from a too-plain existence —a routine where you didn’t tend to engage with life, but just passively watched it go by.

Whatever the true reason was, that night you went to sleep with such a wide grin that the apples of your cheeks had started to hurt from the exertion, infinitely excited after getting to talk firsthand with someone you had already come to admire by that point.

It almost made you self-conscious, knowing just how much it all meant to you, how such a small gesture on his part happened to mean the world to you.

But there was really no reason to feel ashamed or overzealous over your own reaction. If you could’ve seen Shou, you would’ve known you weren’t the only one smiling.

。。。。。

Almost as open of a smile as the one adorning his features right now, currently hidden from your view as his fingers set a maddening pace. Tortuously slow at first until his knuckles started brushing against your opening with each thrust.

All you could hear now were the wet sounds of your arousal facilitating his movements, motions whose only purpose seemed to be to drive you more rambling and disoriented by the second.

"Is this what you want? What you need, perhaps?" His usually calm voice was uncharacteristically affected as he gasped against your ear, the torture he was making you endure clearly getting to him as well.

You were much too preoccupied with the waves of pleasure and warmth overflowing your body to give a proper response, but your lack of one did not deter him.

If anything, your needy gasps and whines were the only encouragement he required.

"Don't worry, Y/N. I'll take care of you, make you feel good."

By that point, the hand that had been petting your hair had found its way to your sopping heat too, calloused pads circling around your pearl while the man continued feeding you his eager promises.

"I get you, baby. Just like you get me." So close, your entire body taut and ready to snap. "And you want me to take care of you too, right?"

You weren't conscious enough to understand the implications, your impaired judgment prohibiting you from reading further into the meaning of his words. He sounded so encouraging, so deceivingly tender despite stuffing you full of his fingers as you squirmed on his lap.

All you could do was nod furiously.

And later on, when your senses sadly returned, dedicated yourself to lamenting over which of your actions brought you down this unfortunate path.

。。。。。

Perhaps, your consciousness supplied, it had been the fact that you opened up so readily. That you had dared to share with a supposed new friend, things that should’ve better stayed hidden in the first place.

But goddamn it, you felt downright honored that he even considered you worthy enough to entertain in the first place. From the very first second, Shouto already had the upper hand.

During the first few conversations, the topics you two discussed were all closely related to the purge and your mutual hang ups with it. Concise and carefully typed out messages were exchanged, discussing opinions you had never expected anyone to be interested in hearing—not from you, at least.

But then, as the weeks slowly progressed, the subjects of conversation began shifting to both of your lives, to your occupations, hobbies, and, directly against the forum's policy for privacy, the people you two were outside the confines of your online corner.

Even without actually exchanging any real data or supplying him with your name or age, you found yourself starting to open up more and more with each day.

You told him about your grueling office job, the friends you hadn’t seen or texted in weeks, and the reality of an apartment which more closely resembled a containment cell than a home…

Revelations that you had kept hidden for so long, which now came pouring out without regard for how mortified they made you feel. You were conscious of the limits blurring between you two the further you kept going, of how you were telling him things best left unsaid, cramped and buried in a hard to reach place.

And yet, for some obscure reason, everything Shou represented made it impossible for you to resist the temptation to speak up, to demand to be heard for the first time in an eternity of quietness.

You’re pathetic, is what you expected him to say in return. Pathetic, weak, meager, and worthless. Anticipating him, somehow, to echo all the doubts and deeply held fears you carried inside.

Most of my friends don’t understand either, was instead the response you received. But most people don’t see what's wrong, what needs to be changed. You feel lonely because you do.

It wasn’t clear what you would’ve wanted to hear beforehand, the things you had fantasized someone would reply if you ever gathered the courage to share your anxieties. Whatever those expectations had been an eternity ago, they now vastly paled when compared to what your new friend was dangling in front of you.

It felt like he was giving an excuse for things you had always perceived as personal failings. If what he said was true, it would mean it wasn’t your social ineptitude that kept people away, your uselessness, or uninteresting personality.

It would mean the shadows around you could still be dispelled somehow, exorcising the silhouettes of a suffering that had become a regular companion in your day to day life.

Brandishing a courage that only anonymity could give you, your fingers were a blur on your keyboard as you tried to ignore the rapid heartbeat in your chest, the fear, and exhilaration from opening up for the first time in forever.

Something you would later regret a thousand times over.

And you do too, and it wasn’t a question, a nervous comment or a stuttered retort. With the aid of the text format, you could look as confident as you knew you weren’t. You understand as well.

You understand me, was the tacit meaning behind it. The prickling of unshed tears made it so you were furiously blinking, fighting against the downpour despite your eyes refusing to leave the screen for longer than an instant.

I do. More than you realize.

For all intents and purposes, your first mistake was indeed opening up.

And your second one was being naive enough to let him in. Seriously, why hadn’t you heeded your parent’s advice about stranger danger?

。。。。。

...If they could only see you now, coming apart at the seams and with the name of your tormentor being the only word you were able to string together.

"Such a beauty, and all for me," his praises accompanied you through the rough orgasm ripping through your body, lips kissing your forehead in stark contrast to the digits still pumping inside your heat. "Let me hear your voice, baby. Let me hear how beautiful my name sounds on your lips."

And you obeyed, because what other choice did you have. Mindless, broken, and oh, so needy.

You continued to audibly moan as your climax unwound, crying out his name in absolute reverence while Shouto's smile deepened against your skin. The chill of his touch was still as soothing as ever, calming down the embers of a lust that refused to completely die down.

When he finally pulled his hands from your core, you felt excruciatingly empty. But you were not given enough time to wallow in your despair, because who you once considered your friend was then grasping your face gently between his hands, leading your gaze to meet his—forcing you to witness the intensity and adoration present there.

"My Y/N."

Even in your deeply intoxicated state, the last few dredges of your senses supplied just how utterly abhorrent the situation was.

The sirens signaling the start of the Purge had died down a while ago, drowned out by your own cries of pleasure, but you could still see the remnants of the government logo still plastered all over the TV, its bright glow bathing you both in an eerily scarlet ambiance.

From the same weak place of coherence, a shiver of fear managed to break through your stupor.

"You're going to continue to be a good girl for me, aren't you?"

When he kissed you then, slow and almost ironically hesitant despite what had just transpired moments before, you couldn't begin to tell your body to refuse. Much to your own horror, you were soon eagerly kissing your tormentor back.

。。。。。

The second mistake leading up to your downfall, on the other hand, took a little longer to occur. It was after a few more weeks of conversation. You vented and talked way too much, while Shou listened intently and even rewarded you with a few crumbs of advice of his own.

So wrapped up in your new seemingly innocuous friendship you were in, you failed to recognize the magnitude of an event that should've sent you scrambling to shut off your monitor. A warning so loud it would've put the Purge sirens themselves to shame.

You see, with Shou's help, you were slowly becoming more of an active user around those parts. You didn't just stick to replying to his posts or lurking until he shot you a private message anymore; no, you were now officially a contributor, deciding to step out of your anonymity to share what you thought was a fairly interesting article. It was a rather long-winded thinkpiece on the morality of Darlings’ treatment after the Purge had ended—the reality of that year spent in captivity that most people tended to just brush under the carpet, all in the name of making the entire ordeal more palatable to digest.

In all your eagerness, however, you had failed to realize a very crucial detail, which was that the article was a whole two days old. Already an ancient text by forum's standards, apparently.

So with that in mind, of course you should've expected the hate, an outpouring of bitterness fit for a community of loners and acidic underdogs. You were on an anonymous forum on one of the darkest parts of the internet, somewhere most sane people actively stayed away from—Clearly, a rookie unwittingly reposting something was the perfect target for a lot of your bitter comrades. An excuse to finally take out all of their pent up frustration.

Fuck1ng pleb, thanks for copy-pasting the same post for the 55th time.

This is why we shouldn't let newbies post. Look at this mess @mods.

Time to hang it up, n00b. And by “it”, I mean your f****** neck.

i bet ur a girl, [Username]. u type like a b1tch.

And the icing on the cake for internet interactions, a myriad of wall spamming "KYS" being plastered all across the comment section, bold and daunting as they filled your notification box with the repetitions of hate. If you weren't so sure of your safety behind your screen, perhaps you would've felt intimidated.

As it stood, you were just embarrassed, mortified at the fact that you had seemingly botched your only attempt at leaving a positive first impression. If anything, it only seemed you had given everyone a common enemy to pick on for once...

Or that was, at least, until Shou happened to log in at exactly that precise moment. You knew he was usually busy around that day and time (he never actually told you whether he had a job, but you had surmised as much from your past chats), so his instantly recognizable profile picture and username popping up had you genuinely gasping at first. It was one hell of a coincidence, but you couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief at what looked to be your savior.

Everyone, stop getting your panties in a twist. This is why no new users end up staying, the environment is abhorrent.

It was vague enough not to betray the fact that you two weren’t just strangers anymore, as well as keeping Shou’s reputation as a lone wolf from completely shattering.

And a comment which, surprisingly, instantly dulled most of the incoming messages your post was being flooded with.

People respected him there, his status as a renowned user giving him a genuine sort of power and hold over the rest of the community. One of the first things you had recognized on the forums was the distinct hierarchical structures amongst its users, and there Shou might’ve as well be granted the title of mayor for all the weight his every sentence carried.

Or at least they did with the majority of the community. As in every place where large numbers of people gathered, there were always a few rotten apples just begging to be tossed.

and ofc ur whiteknighting for her, Shou The Great. shes sucking ur dick under evry single post u make

You cringed, studying the bitter user that had decided to be a contrarian and easily recognizing him from unsavory past encounters you witnessed. Although, if you were completely honest, this time you couldn't exactly say his words didn't carry a certain degree of validity.

Shou had told you he was glad that was the case with you, that his post resonating with anyone was one of the main reasons why he hadn't just disappeared from the site completely. But in reality, saying you weren't subtle about your agreement with his ideas would be an understatement.

You were like a puppy skipping behind him, trailing his interactions and always ready to write an eager comment backing him up. Yet you had never thought others actually paid attention to your mostly one-sided interactions, the occasional meager downvote or emote being the only thing that made you aware your comments weren’t just lost in the sea of spam Shou’s posts were usually showered in.

For the longest time, your support had just felt like leaving letters for the man to find. Letters you hadn’t even been sure had reached their target until a few weeks back...

Suddenly, the sharp sound of Shou's incoming reply drove you from your tribulations.

Well, maybe if you weren't such a crude man you wouldn't be permabanned from starting topics yourself. Although I doubt anyone would be sucking your dick either way, shitty ideology considered. [Image attached]

A grimace was quick to grow on your face as you aptly studied the picture Shou decided to close his reply with.

It was a screenshot of what looked to be someone's post history, a rather extensive list with alarmingly offensive titles such as "Why male darlings should be spared", "The purge is a form of cuckoldry" and “Feminist agenda: female yanderes and their biological advantage [Repost]". Almost all of them exhibited a tragic downvote ratio right as well, besides the red symbol signaling the posts had been archived by senior users or mods.

For someone who also loathed the terrible holiday, it was almost admirable how the man managed to be almost as detestable as the criminals you all rallied against.

But even so, what disturbed you the most wasn't the clear bigotry of the user, but the fact that that screenshot couldn't have been taken from public records. A user's post history was hidden, just another measure on the site’s part to keep people from recognizing too many details about each other and possibly endangering themselves.

No, it could only have been taken from inside the account. And judging from the other guy's quick reaction, you weren't the only one who came to that realization.

how the fck did u get that

I knew u were friends with the mods. fcking rats

By that point, everyone else had stopped clogging the comments and, you assumed, instead opted to settle down and attentively observe the events transpiring. Apart from the emote reactions and the rapidly rising number of upvotes on Shou’s comments, you had all become a passive audience to the public ridicule.

Although you couldn’t help feeling slightly disjointed by Shou’s behavior. Below your wicked sense of pride at having him defend you, there was still the whispers of your gut telling you the man was going a little too far, his actions spelling a more sinister meaning than just “having a friend’s back”.

You've been here for years, Minoru. Surprised you haven't yet noticed how much of a pest everyone sees you as.

Minoru? You did a double-take, going back to read the username of the guy Shou was arguing with. But he just had a randomly generated number as a pseudonym, same as you and most others, and with just a picture of some anime sneezing girl to distinguish his profile from the rest. No trails or signs of what could Shouto be referencing to.

Nothing but an option you preferred not to consider. But it couldn't be, could it? your friend wouldn’t...

fucking delete that right now, man.

this isn't a joke, DELETE THAT.

Only that the abrasive and desperate reaction told you everything you needed to know. Your heart was beating rapidly in your chest, shock mixing with equal parts horror and amazement you couldn’t even begin to try and disentangle. Because right that second, you were witnessing your friend breaking the forum’s number one rule with a front-row seat to the spectacle.

And he was doing it all in your name.

Then maybe think twice before you go out of your way to harass newbies. Or have you had too much time on your hands after being fired, is that it?

It was vague enough not to represent any kind of threat... if not for the context of the site. And yet you all knew the hidden message behind it, the warning for whoever Minoru was to understand Shou knew much more than what he was letting on. That he could expose much more than he was currently alluding to.

y are u even doing this, shou? y do u care wtf happens to this noobslut anyways?

Shou's reply took barely a moment to appear, lighting up your screen and, despite the slightly morbid nature of his protection, coaxing out a smile to adorn your lips. It was like a balm being applied to your worries, quieting down most of your incipient concerns in favor of rejoicing.

They're a friend.

For fuck’s sake, you even screenshotted that for posterity. Somehow, him acknowledging the new bond you two had openly felt like a milestone.

When a mod came in to archive the post and give everyone involved a stern warning later on, you were already way past your previous doubtful sentiments.

Instead, the last thing you did before going to sleep that day was to open up your private conversation with Shou and send a quick yet heartfelt message of gratitude his way.

Months prior, you wouldn’t have ever thought you’d be thanking anyone for semi doxxing another human being. How rapidly things were changing, though, and all while you got lost in the thrill of mattering.

Thanks for sticking up for me. It meant a lot, you typed feeling slightly lightheaded, drunk on the idea that anyone would think you worthy of having your back.

You thought Shou went offline after dishing out his not so thinly veiled threats, but somehow he was back again in an instant, the sound of notifications going off shaking any remnants of your exhaustion.

Anything for you, [Y/N].

You were so tired, it didn't occur to you that you hadn't yet shared your real name with your friend either.

That night, for once, you fell asleep with a twinkle in your eye and the image of Shou's multicolored locks dancing against your eyelids. Imagining, ever so briefly, your fingers trailing down the back of a neck you now had memorized from analyzing his profile picture.

And, while you slept with your phone clutched to your side, you also failed to notice the peculiar sound of your own camera going off, the soft glow from the red light beside your lense bathing your features in its subtle illumination, flickering against your eyelashes and the lingering grin on your curved lips.

You truly looked angelic like that.

Suffice it to say, Minoru never bothered you again after that day. In fact, his name disappeared from the site not too soon after.

。。。。。

But now, to continue the grueling task of giving a context for your inevitable end, it is necessary to jump a month further into the future, barely a week from the excruciating present.

Because it was then that the last strike finished nailing the coffin of your proverbial undoing, burying you under the weight of your own ignorance.

You got your notice in the mail on the Day of Announcements, an inconspicuous letter lacking any further distinction beyond a scarlet government seal emblazoned across its front. But even before you opened and read the message, you already knew of its contents—easily recognizing the image before you from several of the varied posts you had seen floating around on the forums lately.

Purge Notice!!! Help needed Urgently.

Just got my letter. Do I stay hidden or fight back? [Open poll]

Third time getting mine. AMA about my methods.

The range of how you had seen other users reacting to their own selections was diverse, with some of them being more experienced while others, such as you, had just gotten their first letter ever. If things played out differently for you, then you were sure you would've been another one of the numerous panicked voices, awkwardly trying to maneuver their way out of their new situation.

And maybe, then, your odds wouldn't have been so completely fucked from the start.

As it stood, as soon as you laid eyes on the notice, the first thing you thought of was how quickly you could boot up your computer and open the forum’s private messages. Because, for the first time in forever, you were overwhelmed by the feeling of someone else being there for you.

Shou was your friend, had earned that spot fair and square after months of listening to you venting and sharing deep discussions; faster than you could even realize it, and so it was only natural for you to seek his help once the news of your selection for the new yearly Purge reached you.

He had even threatened another user for your sake, for fuck’s sake. So, really, what harm could come out of relying on someone you were sure was trustworthy?

Maybe it was too late by that point for you to snap out of it, but it was almost amusing seeing you being so easily deceived.

Just another reason why you needed him, certainly.

。。。。。

Already told you I'd have your back, had been his immediate reply barely an instant after you attached a candid photo of your hand holding up the envelope. Whatever you need, I’m here.

His lack of hesitation was palpable through your screen, heart hammering in your chest as you were faced with a kindness you had thought yourself undeserving of not long ago.

As soon as you closed your mailbox, you had immediately raced to send him the message, completely foregoing telling any of your other friends or family members when you doubted they would even understand you in the first place. Shou had been right when he told you people just didn’t want to see the truth, even if it slapped them right in the face, leaving dark imprints in the shape of their narrow mindedness.

But he was there, he was letting you know as much, in his own words. And for what felt like the hundredth time in the past few months, you felt incredibly lucky to have stumbled upon the Forums in the first place, to have traced whatever fortunate path had led you to find him—the one person able to distinguish you in a world you always thought you blended straight into.

Thank you, Shou, for everything. And at that moment, you really had been truthful, so much so that there were tears prickling at your eyes, an overwhelming feeling of gratitude drowning you with its intensity.

Indeed, your final mistake had been your desperate need for acceptance. A need that had, in the end, cost you everything.

You can call me Shouto now. No use for nicknames anymore.

Amidst the chaos of your life possibly crashing down all around you, somehow his revelation put a trembling smile back in your face.

Then allow me to repeat: thank you, Shouto.

Np, Newbie. Told you I'd help you level up, didn't I?

His teasing managed to garner a small stuttering laugh out of you despite the dreadfulness of your situation.

But you couldn’t help it. Somehow, every reply Shouto sent you only served to wrap the illusion of safety tighter around you. So tight in fact, that you should’ve started worrying about suffocating.

。。。。。

On the other side of the screen, the man with the multicolored hair couldn’t help but keep staring at the picture you had sent him earlier.

He was transfixed, eyes almost unblinking as they refused to separate from the image. The way your fingers tentatively held the letter up for the picture was simply adorable to him. Beautifully naive.

It wasn't like he hadn't seen your face before, like he hadn't already memorized the texture of your skin and the everlasting trace of a frown always threatening to dampen your mood. He read your expressions like poetry, every mole and scar furthering the securing of his interest.

But this was the first picture you had actually chosen to send him out of your own volition, the final symbol of a trust he had worked so tirelessly to earn. Used to catching prey as he was, the man wasn’t entirely sure when you had turned from a game into a priority, from a priority into the only thing he could even make himself care for.

And it didn’t help that it was his letter you were holding, too. His formal declaration of pursuit.

With time, Shouto was sure you would find it in yourself to appreciate the beauty of such irony.

But, for now, what he really needed to do was buy some tea. Couldn’t have your own stubbornness ruining your first encounter, could he?

。。。。。

In the coming weeks, your friend aided you and even coached you as you jointly planned for the horrific holiday, not only suggesting ideas but tracing the safety measures needed for them to succeed. You really had no reason to doubt him by that point.

That evening, after you finished letting Shouto know you were back from work, you made sure to pack all of your supplies into an inconspicuous bag you had acquired for the occasion. Whoever your Yandere was, it was best to not give any hints of your new acquisitions, just in case they were already stalking your movements.

Shouto had helped you devise the list, mentoring you in your selection of weapons as well as self-defense arsenal—what brands of pepper spray to get, which ammunitions were most efficient and reliable, even what kind of clothing was the least troublesome if the need to escape ever arose. If you had been sure he knew his craft before, now you were surprised at just how vast his wisdom genuinely was.

After the last few finishing touches of preparations, you were already on your way to the direction you had both agreed on (supplied by him, approved by you). There were several hours until the start of the Purge still, but the adrenaline swimming through your bloodstream was already considerable.

Shouto had suggested you visited him for the Holiday, quoting how the measures in place for his home made it nothing short of a fortified vault, impossible for any outsiders to break into (and for anyone to break out of, but let's not get ahead of ourselves).

With that in mind, how could you have refused his offer? Your place was barely an excuse for an apartment, windows that didn't entirely close, and feeble doors that could be easily broken into. Even if you weren't partly driven by the curiosity of meeting your new internet idol turned friend, it would've been foolish to decline.

So in a few hours, you were sporting a nervous smile on your face as you parked your car in front of the largest apartment complex you had ever encountered. It was luxurious in a way you had only seen staring back at you from a television screen, marble, and gold accents giving you the impression you were about to step into a drama set instead of visiting an online friend.

Before the surrealism of the entire situation could begin to set in, however, you noticed the young man sitting on the ample stairs of the building. He had an air of effortless elegance, tall and lithe, yet sporting a black turtleneck which hugged his frame and made it clear just how much sheer strength hid behind his movements.

And he also sported the same peculiarly colored locks you had already memorized from the last few months, the light softly reflecting on them proving to be an even more impressive show when admired live.

You were dazzled for an instant, wondering if, somehow, this entire thing was a prank and the Shou from the forums had just schemed his way into making a fool out of you in front of a handsome stranger. Way too convoluted, yet entirely too plausible to your bewildered self.

Until the man lifted his eyes—as beautifully dual-toned as his hair, and catching sight of you standing just beside your recently parked vehicle.

"Y/N," he was sharply climbing to his feet as he called out your name, the shy hint of a smile in his lip contradicting the monotone cadence of his tone. "Good to finally meet you."

You had first been under the impression that the Shou you knew was cold, the way he interacted with others on the site reminding you of an emotionless robot at times, but the man addressing you seemed like he was ripped straight out of a stereotypical rom-com.

Maybe he'd be the aloof, tormented heir? Which, in your fantasy drama land, would make you the nearly illiterate and poor love interest. Your feelings of inadequacy only grew at the comparison.

Almost cute, how that had been one of your greatest worries once upon a time. How foolishly eager you were to be liked back then.

"Shouto." The name still felt somewhat strange on your lips, even after he had insisted you started calling him that. "It's good to meet you, too."

He was by your side in an instant, taking your bags from you swiftly and shutting the door to your ride. From this up close, it became considerably harder to disguise your staring.

Even the scar which covered his left eye, a splash of reddish textured skin, somehow came across like yet another enhancer of his appeal. An underlying harshness which you couldn't help but be intrigued by.

"Your hair looks even better in person."

And leave it to you to once again find a way to screw first impressions. You were chastising yourself a mere second after the words left your mouth.

But Shouto only sent you that same hint of a smirk your way, his eyes appearing genuinely pleased at your praise. If he thought you were a weirdo and was regretting ever inviting you to his house, then he was a good enough actor for you to be fooled.

And fooled you he did, but with completely different intentions.

"You look just like in your pictures," came his serene retort not long after.

Which you assumed was a joke, keeping in mind that the only photo you had ever sent his way had been of the Purge letter you received a few days ago.

Laughing lightly, you tried to ignore the nerves tugging at your chest before catching up with him on the steps of the building.

As you giddily barged straight into the open jaws of the beast, it once again struck Shouto how utterly unsuspecting you were. How you trusted him so wholeheartedly.

He couldn't wait to see it all come crashing down.

。。。。。

Inside his honest to god penthouse, your previous feeling of insufficiency only became more severe.

The interiors were decorated sparingly, albeit fashionably. Filled with different muted shades and being unexpectedly traditional in the way they were designed. It was a stunning abode, even if you couldn't help but mentally point out how utterly unlived in it appeared.

There was not a single cup, shoe, or book out of place, everything perfectly polished and organized to the point that you felt hesitance as your sock-covered feet continued making their way through the place.

"Make yourself at home," Shouto told you most matter-of-factly. If you weren't so sure of his intentions by now, perhaps you would've thought he was being sarcastic.

Without any of your belongings to distract yourself with, you instead gravitated towards what you could see of the kitchen through one of the sliding doors.

It was very modern despite the rest of the aesthetic the penthouse sported, shiny stainless steel and spotless dark countertops. It should've looked out of place when paired with the carpeted floors, wooden furniture, and sparse pieces of classical Japanese art…

Yet somehow, it strangely fits. Just like his owner, you supposed, thinking back to the oddities that amounted to his unique brand of appeal.

And you really needed to stop thinking of your friend like that.

When you heard the door to the apartment being audibly locked with a resounding click, you instantly stopped your fingers grazing the smooth countertops. Your instincts flared up with worry for a moment, right before you forcefully willed yourself to calm down.

After reminding yourself of the true reason why you were there, the exhale you released next was one of clear relief.

"Want something to drink?" Shouto appeared in your line of sight again, hands buried in the pockets of his pants and looking like the picture of composure.

You felt embarrassed once again, knowing he had given you a free pass to roam but still somewhat self-conscious about intruding on his space.

"You don't need to make me anything. I'm fine." Your timbre was apologetic, not used to slipping into the role of a guest just yet.

He seemed strangely dissatisfied with your answer, closing some of the distance between you with a presence that had you almost flinching back for a second.

There was an intensity in his gaze, something which you could not quite yet place.

"But I want to be a good host. So let me." He appeared very serious about it, too, with his face growing stern as his peculiar eyes bore into yours.

Not wanting to cause further distress, you imagined relenting would be the best course of action.

It was like you were molded to be the perfect Darling, so wonderfully meek and gullible.

"Okay then. Water is fine."

Yet Shouto shook his head, still somewhat dissatisfied with your answer.

"Tea it is." His phrasing allowed little space for argument. "I know you mentioned liking a few brands before, so I took the liberty of stocking up on them."

A surprising burst of laughter broke through your anxious feelings then, drawing Shouto's eyes again from the particular cabinet they had drifted to as he mentioned the beverages.

He looked at you puzzled, an unasked question written all over his otherwise blank expression, and so you decided to reply from the surge of unexpected amusement you were experiencing.

"It's only a night, Shou," you didn't even realize you had slipped back into his nickname, too entertained by how much he had apparently overdone his hospitality. "There really wasn't any need for you to go buy my favorite teas."

His eyes blinked quite slowly your way, his expression back to his vacant mask before a smile reappeared.

"I wanted you to feel welcomed," he supplied as he approached the cabinet he was eyeing before, dedicating himself to searching for whatever kind of flavor of tea he had in mind.

In response, you just shrugged your shoulders with another chuckle.

"And I didn't get you anything. You're making me feel even more out of place."

"Nonsense," he cut you off in that deadpan way of his, hands rummaging through the most ridiculously vast tea collection you had ever seen. And then he added, decidedly quieter, "today is supposed to be about you, after all."

Too bad you didn't pick up on it.

When he ushered you back to the salon with barely a wave next, pointing at one of the cushions arranged around the short-legged table, you decided to follow his suggestion and wait there while he finished brewing the drinks. By now, you understood the futility of offering any kind of help when he was still so intent on properly welcoming you.

So, curious as you were, your eyes continued to inspect each and every inch of the apartment, drinking up all the pieces of info you could observe, that you didn't even think of the potential dangers of letting a stranger fix you a cup while you weren't looking.

Unbeknownst to the other, you were both actively counting down the seconds until the Purge started, minds lost to your own inner turmoils from opposite sides of the suite.

And for entirely different reasons, you were both filled with anticipation.

。。。。。

Meanwhile, finally back in the present after retracing the steps that guided you there, it was becoming increasingly hard to compartmentalize the chaos brewing inside you.

Shouto’s lips were the personification of hunger against yours, an inescapable gluttony to mark and consume every single inch of you he could encompass.

After a hint of understanding returned to your body post-orgasm, your vision and the sensations you endured were becoming disturbingly vivid. It was impossible to conceive anything beyond his hands ridding you of your flimsy camisole, palms cold in comparison to the heat you felt, splaying against your sides and slowly making their way up the sensitive mounds of your chest.

“All mine, baby.” You barely registered his teeth nipping at your bottom lip until a shock of pain snapped you out of your trance.

He bit you, and quite harshly too, but when you tried to instinctually pull back his response was to hold you even tighter. Before you could attempt to voice your complaints, his tongue was darting out to clean up the droplets of blood he spilled.

“Out of all the Darlings I’ve played with, you’re the only one I’ve ever even considered keeping, you know?”

And now that had you freezing, even amidst the cloud of desire still muddling your cognizance. His arms pressed you closer still, forcing you to bury your face against his chest, completely unphased by the bloody mess your mouth had morphed into.

Had he tricked others before then? Was that the reason why he was even on the Forums in the first place?

You wanted to ask him what he meant, wanted to demand explanations for a phrase that had dread closing around your neck like a noose. But whatever he slipped into your drink to keep you so awfully responsive and pliable, also appeared to make forming any complex sentences incredibly hard…

Shou, ever the receptive one, caught onto your change in demeanor rather aptly. His face nuzzled your hair softly, humming a calming melody as if you were a scared child who could be so easily reassured. Meanwhile, his hands hadn’t abandoned your breasts, still tenderly kneading them with a touch bordering on worship.

“But I’m glad you weren’t my first, baby. Means I could be all ready for when we met.” He rocked you both as he rested his back further on the sofa, opening his legs wider below you and forcing you to settle closer to his clothed groin with a whimper.

Your arms reached out to grasp his shoulders while you tried to stabilize yourself, the strain of his erection resting snuggly against your still sensitive slit.

"Helped me to know when to pull back," he kept confessing, purposefully thrusting into you while he kept lovingly massaging your chest, fingers twisting your hardened peaks to coax a new kind of mewl to be uttered against his skin. "Wouldn't want you to break now that I've finally found you."

The fact that your bodies seemed to fit so perfectly, even in your impaired state, was not an irony lost on you.

Abruptly, Shouto stopped fondling your breasts in order to maneuver your face again, both of your stares meeting in a vehement standoff before he continued.

“I’ll make this as close to perfection as I can, I promise you.” And you got a direct view of the vulnerability in his uniquely colored eyes, the nature of his words clearly heartfelt despite the atrocities they alluded to.

As you heard him drag his zipper down, the hand clutching your jaw trembling in anticipation, you couldn’t help the new wave of warmth spreading through your body, negating all the fear and anxiousness warring inside you in order to shamefully expose your baser desires.

Now that whatever had been clouding your judgment was pulling back slightly, your thought process had begun to snap back into place, overflowing you with a terrible sense of shame at your own reactions.

He gave you something earlier with your drink, you were sure of it, and yet you couldn’t help but still be horrified at just how much you were enjoying it. Once you felt the flushed head of his cock placidly rubbing against your thigh, the sounds leaving your mouth weren’t ones of complaint, peril or dissent.

Quite the contrary, actually, and it only made Shouto grow bolder.

As the hand clutching your face grew tenser, gripping you with force before tugging harshly, you got the hint. Now painfully following his lead, it wasn't long before the previous pressure against your legs was now resting directly against your cunt.

The pre-cum already gathered on him mixed in with your still oozing arousal, smearing the span of your outer lips as he lightly teased you one last time.

You were so mortified by that point, that if he had offered to end your embarrassment right then and there with one of the several weapons you knew he kept, you would’ve been very inclined to accept.

“... I didn’t even think there was such a thing as 'The One' before, actually.” You hadn’t even realized the man was still talking, ardent whispers getting lost on the intensity of the situation.

His eyes were searching your face, a satisfied twinkle lighting them up as soon as you returned his stare of your very own volition. Perturbed, you wondered if his delusion made him see anything beyond a twisted mix of lust and fear reflected back at him.

“But I now know just how wrong I was, Y/N.” So sure of himself, tone back to the stern cadence you previously associated with him for a moment, gripped by a gravity befitting of his obsession. “Indeed, I think you were always meant to be my darling… don't you agree?”

To your credit, you did struggle to speak up, to gain back the control over a body which had stopped listening long ago. Too bad you only managed a single pitiful word out.

“Shouto…”

But before you could even fathom attempting a better response, he was breaching into you, sheathing himself with an ease you wished you could overlook, turning your voice from an anguished plea into outrageously labored moans.

You had once thought Shou had been interested in you because he somehow perceived you as anything but pathetic, but you were beginning to think it had been your weakness which drew him in all along.

So deliciously frail, that even a predator like him had been driven with an urgent need to protect you. To break you down, just so he could be the one to build you back together.

As he started fucking you with shallow thrusts, hips bucking up from the sofa while he tenderly guided you until your body was mimicked his motion on its own, you couldn’t help but be the most disturbed at his oddly affectionate ways.

As awful as it sounded, now that your mind had awakened from its stupor all you wanted was for him to bend you over and abuse you, manhandle you and mistreat you in a way which unequivocally screamed assault. You wanted bruises painting your skin, proof that you hadn’t just willingly given up and facilitated your own ruin.

He was humiliating you despite the pretty words he decided to disguise it as—showing you how easily he could own you and even make you enjoy it, drug-addled drink or not.

But as his mouth latched around one of your hardened nipples, sucking generously until his name was once again fast on your tongue, you also couldn’t deny the crystal clear responses you were giving.

You could attempt to lie to yourself later, could swear it was all a delusion born out of the deranged man's mind, but the particular brand of your screams was unmistakable.

When your own hand reached down to facilitate your release, you knew you were already acting beyond what you could've previously attributed to the drugs. Toying with your bundle of nerves, you rested your forehead against Shouto's shoulders, tears from the pleasure mixing in with the subjacent agony of your guilt.

Why did it have to feel so good? And how far did the drugs truly affect you? Or had they just peeled back your inhibitions perhaps, baring you until all you had were dark desires and no self-control to contain them.

You still tasted blood inside your mouth when your walls started clenching around his cock, the coppery flavor entirely too vivid on your tongue. Hearing his own choked groans gasping against your chest, you felt his mouth abandoning your bud with a pop before his kisses were trailing a path back up—eager in their search of your face, your lips.

You were still cumming by the time a lascivious kiss connected you two again, unwinding in his grasp until his hands were the only thing keeping you whole.

“Even if I wasn't taught how,” he began promising while his rhythm grew frantic, barely resisting the allure of your core fluttering around him. “I promise I’ll love you, Y/N. Love you so good, you won’t ever want to leave when the next Purge comes.” He was getting increasingly excited by his own words, imagining a future where you did not need the aid of a little cup of tea to eagerly kiss back. “I’ll fuck you every day, fill you up and show you just how much I care. How much you matter.”

Faced with his degenerate promises, all you could do was gasp out his name one last time, perhaps seeking to express your reticence, perhaps oddly excited by the image he was painting.

You indulged him in the pitiful sound of your whimpers molding around its syllables, and it wasn’t long before you were coaxing him to join you with an orgasm of his own.

He actually came inside, you recognized inwardly after the aftershocks of enjoyment now quieted down to a lull, a new type of dread quickly following the realization. His cum was still shooting in hot ropes, stuffing you to the brim with the intent and purpose of a man bent on marking you, owning you.

But Shouto was so loving as he kissed you time and time again, painfully reminding you of just how nice he could be for you, how gentle and attentive. It made the lines between your tormentor and a traditional lover blur even further, the confusion clouding your sense not merely born out of narcotics any longer.

You had been so preoccupied with a monster outside your house once. A creature ripped from the kind of movies that were ripe with cheap scares and considerably cheaper thrills.

But monsters never were like that in real life, were they? As the man continued to cradle you in his arms like the most vulnerable of creatures, you were suddenly struck by how glaringly obvious things should’ve been from the beginning.

Because your Yandere’s obsession had not come with claws and a row of sharp teeth. No, it came instead with a suit of deception to hug its frame, the bait of acceptance, and the promise of a reliable ear to comfortably listen. It arrived with whispers that assured you that you were not alone, that it was not you who was flawed, but the world for not welcoming you.

It dangled everything your little heart desired, so by the time you were reaching out, you were simply too distracted to notice the dangers of the abyss you were throwing yourself at.

Luckily for you, Shouto had made such a void his home. And for however long it took you to consider the darkness as your own, his was a kind of hospitality that no amount of your struggles could ever hope to wear down.

And if the worst came to pass, if you kept stubbornly refusing and fighting despite your odds? Well…

He could always brew you another cup of tea.

-------

Well, I can finally rest now 💀

This monster of a one-shot took me a lot longer than expected, so I ended up being a lil later to the collab that I would’ve liked. Either way, I’d really appreciate hearing any feedback or opinions on either the fic or art (or both?)... I swear that’s what keeps me motivated ;___;

So fr, thanks to everyone who takes the time to let me know your takes! y’all are the bests of the best 🖤 And speaking of bests of best, special thanks and gratitude to the actual angels who helped and gave me feedback for both the art and/or fic @reinawritesbnha , @drxwsyni, @wootato, @snappysnapo and @coyambition. Don’t catch me seeing y’all drop your crowns bc it’s on sight 😠 👑

#bnha fanart #todoroki #yandere todoroki #todoroki x reader #bnha imagines #bnha #mha fanart #bnha x reader #todoroki fanart #todoroki smut #todoroki shouto #todoroki shoto #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #anime fanart #bnha smut #bnha art #artists on tumblr #just art tingz

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ssahotchhner · 3 years

Text

like real people do

PART TWO

hi! this is my first criminal minds fic, i haven’t watched the show all the way through in several years and while doing a rewatch discovered that i HAD to write hotch. this will be two parts, here’s the first! let me know your thoughts please, i love talking to my readers (:

words: 5837

pairing: hotch x reader

warnings: usual criminal minds nastiness, rape mention, death, curse words

Everyone knew that SSA Aaron Hotchner has been emotionally unavailable since his divorce, so everyone was that much more surprised when he kissed you at the bar in front of all your colleagues at the BAU. You wouldn’t lie, you had had a crush on Aaron for years now, but you had imagined your hypothetical romance much differently. As it was, Aaron had immediately left the bar in a flurry of embarrassment, murmuring a hurried apology on his way out leaving you to the unabashed teasing of your coworkers that you had pretended to brush off. Now, days later, Aaron still refused to so much as look at you.

“Y/N,” Morgan rolled his chair over to your desk, “I’m dying to know, is Hotch a good kisser?”

You sigh, “Fuck off, Derek.”

“Leave the poor girl alone, Derek,” Rossi says as he passes by, “Don’t you think it’s bad enough Hotch is giving her the silent treatment now?”

You tried to hide the way the tears pricked the back of your eyes at his comment, but you were surrounded by FBI profilers.

Morgan lowered his voice and reach out his hand to touch your arm, “Hey, babygirl, I’m sorry, I was just teasing, maybe you should try talking to Hotch--”

“Talking to me about what?” Aaron had been so quiet walking up on you and your head had been low, so focused on not crying that you hadn’t heard him.

“Nothing.” You say quickly, and as expected he avoids making eye contact, “Do you need something, sir?” You don’t miss the way he flinches at the formality. Good.

“We have a new case.” He says simply and walks away.

Morgan let out a low whistle, “You really hit him with the ‘sir.’” You started to get up from your desk, but Morgan put a hand on your arm again, “Seriously, Y/N, I’m sorry. If you need to talk I’m here.”

You sighed and stood up again, forcing a smile, “There’s nothing to talk about Derek, I’m fine. Now come on.”

“We have a serial rapist in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.” JJ starts immediately as everyone files in. You feel Morgan’s gaze on you the entire time and try not to get frustrated. He’s been like a brother to you since you joined the BAU a few years ago and you know this overprotectiveness was just him being a good friend, but it was bound to drive you nuts. “Victims are all white women ranging from their late teens to early twenties at a local university.”

“Why are we being called in for a rapist on a college campus?” Reid asks, “I don’t mean to be insensitive, but we all know the statistics. There are dozens of serial rapists on college campuses.”

“Because this one is torturing them while he rapes them and leaves them notes leading up to the attacks.” Hotch says as Penelope begins to pull up pictures on the screen of these women. “Slut, whore, bitch, cunt. All carved on their chests.” You do your best to hide the nausea that rises in you as you look at the pictures. Do your job. You remind yourself.

“What do the notes say?” Emily asks.

“They seem like thinly veiled threats,” Reid begins, “They sound romantic at first glance, but if you read closely you can see the context.”

“He breaks into their dorms when they’re at class or at parties and waits for them to come home and then he holds them at knifepoint so they won’t scream.” Penelope says, trying not to let her voice shake.

“Risky to do in a dorm building and no one’s seen him?” Morgan says.

Rossi ponders this, “That means he must blend in, someone no one would think twice about being inside. A student, an RA, or a university official.”

“University officials don’t normally enter student dorms unless there’s an issue, they’d be more likely to stand out and students would talk about them showing up.” Hotch muses.

“Y/N, you’re awful quiet today,” Emily nudges your elbow, “What do you think?”

You can feel everyone’s eyes on you, but Aaron’s. Still looking at his manila folder as if Emily hadn’t addressed you. As if you didn’t exist. You clear your throat, “I think the RA or student theory makes sense. We should probably interview the RA of the first victim, assuming he’s a man. It would make sense to me that he would start with one of his own students and then begin to branch out. Maybe he thought he could stop, get that release he needed after just one, but the need only grew stronger.”

“Wheels up in thirty, we’ll discuss more on the plane.” Hotch says and stands, walking out of the room without another glance.

“Did something happen last night at the bar?” Emily murmurs, the only member of the team who didn’t make it out the night before, “Hotch is acting really weird around you.”

Derek snickers on the other side of you and you elbow him, “That’s it, I’m going to talk to him.”

Reid winces, “Good luck.”

“It’ll be fine, kid.” Rossi says and squeezes your shoulder as you pass.

You take a long breath before you finally build the courage to walk into Aaron’s office where he’s packing his briefcase. “Sir, can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Can it wait until we’re on the plane, agent?”

Agent. You roll your eyes toward the ceiling, “No, sir, it can’t.” You can’t hide the bite in your words this time. He finally looks at you, really looks at you. You wonder what he sees.

“Close the door.” He says quietly and then sits behind his desk.

You walk slowly to the seat in front of his desk. This time, he watches you. “This is the first time you’ve looked at me all day.”

“I wasn’t aware you were analyzing me.”

“Are you telling me you haven’t been analyzing me all day?”

“Agent, what is this about? We have a plane to catch.”

You stare at him for a few moments longer, “Fine,” You stand, “If you want to pretend nothing happened, I’ll do the same. But if you could at least stop ignoring me, that would be great.”

“Agent--”

“And use my goddamn name, for Christ’s sake.”

He stares at you and you know he hates your emotional outburst and that in turn makes you hate yourself. “Then you stop calling me ‘sir.’” He says quietly.

Your eyes soften for just a moment and then you storm back out of his office nearly plowing over Rossi as you leave. Rossi walks into Aaron’s office to see him rubbing his forehead, “Well that doesn’t look like it went well.”

“I screwed up, Rossi.”

“Oh, come on Hotch, it was just one kiss. It didn’t mean anything--”

“It did mean something. To me. Maybe not to her.”

Rossi shakes his head, “Then why are you giving her the cold shoulder?”

Hotch sighs, “Because we work together, because she doesn’t feel the same, because she’s the first woman I’ve kissed since Haley. Pick a reason.” Rossi looks like he’s going to interject, but Hotch stands, “We don’t have time for this, Rossi, let’s go.”

Rossi sighs as he watches Aaron walk out of his office and follows after.

***

You’re quiet most of the plane ride, conscious of the looks everyone is giving you as you read the information in the manila folder over and over, trying to be good at your job instead of thinking about your boss.

“When we get off the plane, JJ and Prentiss, you go talk to the victims. Rossi and I will touch base with the police. Morgan, Reid, Y/N, you go talk to anyone you can find at the dorms, see if anyone’s seen anyone suspicious.” You make it a point not to react, but everyone else reacts anyway, watching you carefully. Hotch almost always assigns himself with you.

“If you guys don’t stop psychoanalyzing me I will eject myself from this plane.”

Everyone looks away except Aaron and when you meet his eyes, he’s smirking. Those smiles are so rare and you can’t deny how it satisfies you to know you were the reason he did so. You quickly look back down at your work, careful not to reveal anything you’re feeling.

***

“Do you have feelings for Hotch?” Reid asks without preamble when you’re in the car with Derek.

“Spencer!” You exclaim in outrage. Derek just laughs from the driver’s seat.

“What? You both wouldn’t be being so weird about one kiss if it wasn’t something more.”

“Okay, Romeo, remember that she’s armed.” Derek cautioned.

“He’s my boss, Reid. It’s weird because he’s my boss.”

“Well, sure, by definition Hotch is our superior but we all know--” Reid cut himself off when he saw the look Derek was giving him in the rearview mirror, “Yeah, you’re right, it’s weird.” He said quickly.

You sigh and turn to the window and ignore Derek and Spencer the rest of the ride.

***

“So you mean to tell me that ten women have come forward about being raped in their dorms and you told them to consider themselves lucky they weren’t murdered and sent them home without doing a rape kit?” Aaron’s furious. Furious with himself for the previous night and he’s more than happy to take out that anger on the local Milwaukee police department.

“Look, man, we get a lot of he said she said in here, we don’t have the time or the man power to follow up on every one.”

Just then his phone rings. It’s you. He wishes he could ignore the pang that goes through him just from reading your name. “Hotch.” He answers.

“Sir-- I mean, Aaron.” You correct yourself quickly, and then realize you should have called him Hotch, but it’s too late. “They’ve found a body.”

He frowns, “A body? That doesn’t fit his MO.”

You swallow, “Yeah, well, everything else does. He seems to have gotten a little carried away with the carving this time.”

“We’ll be right there.”

You hang up your phone and then turn back to Reid and Morgan who are looking over the crime scene. You sit with Victoria’s, the victim’s, distraught roommate and try to calm her and maybe get some actual information out of her. You don’t hear or see Aaron walk in until he’s already next to you, “Did you get anything from her?”

His closeness makes it hard to focus, “Just regular roommate stuff, she might be more useful once she calms down. I asked if her roommate had a boyfriend or anything like that and she said she was quiet, kept to herself. Boys were out of the question.”

“He’s escalated. Why?”

You shrug, “Could be because we’re here, that might have upset him and he lost control. But it could have been an accident, roommate says Victoria had a heart condition. The stress of the situation might have killed her.”

Hotch nods, “Good work.”

He was trying to be normal, you could tell. And he was trying so hard. “Thank you.” You said softly and then you excused yourself. Everything about him set you on edge and over and over the moment he kissed you plays in your head.

***

You’re both laughing to near snorting while sitting at the bar and Aaron can’t stop watching you, “You have an incredible laugh, you know?” He says softly when you’ve both settled down. “Sometimes when I think this job isn’t worth it, I’ll hear your laugh outside my office and just that sound…” He realizes what he’s saying suddenly and turns his head away from you smiling at his drink now.

“You make it worth it for me too.” You say and his eyes are back on you, “You so rarely ever smile, but when you smile at me… It makes it all worth it. The long hours, the horrible cases… all of it.”

When you look back at him he’s suddenly serious again. You can see his eyes calculating as he searches your face and you realize with a bit of shock that he’s trying to see if you’re lying. When his eyes finally settle back on yours, he gently reaches up, almost without thinking about it and curls a loose piece of hair behind your ear.

And then in the next second, his hand still on your face, his mouth is on yours.You forget that there’s anyone else in the world for those few seconds that he kisses you. Until everyone on the team starts jeering and Aaron pulls away like he’s seen a ghost.

“Aaron?” You say, frowning as he jumps up from his seat, not looking at you and gathering his things.

“I’m sorry.” Is all he murmurs and then runs out.

Derek’s laughing as he walks up to you, “Damn, princess. You broke Hotch! I gotta say, you’re incredibly out of his league.” You glare at him. “What? You’re out of my league too.”

You smile at that and try to act like everything’s normal, but you’re sure Spencer notices that you drink more and laugh a little too loudly.

***

You’re pulled back from the memory as JJ walks toward you, “Hey, you alright?”

“Yeah,” You nod, “Fine, just needed a second alone to think.”

She stops in front of you and rests her hand on your arm, lightly squeezing, “You can talk to me, you know, about men. Even Hotch.”

You smile, “I appreciate everyone’s concern, but I’m fine, really. It’s not that big a deal.”

“It’s a big deal if it starts interfering with the job, and I can see it on both of you,” She’s stern all of a sudden, “I know he’s our boss, but underneath that he’s just any other man, Y/N. Don’t let him fool you into thinking otherwise.”

“Guys,” Derek interrupts, sticking his head out into the hallway, “You’re gonna wanna see this.”

When you come back in the room, Spencer is crouched over the body, gloves on, examining the carvings in her body, “There’s hesitation in the cuts this time and you can tell they were done after she was dead. And if you look a little bit closer…”

“‘Sorry…’” You read the small script, astonished. “Remorse. It was an accident.” Your eyes dart back and forth as you lose yourself in your own thoughts while the rest of the team discusses, “I think we can deliver the profile.”

***

“We’re looking for a white male in his early to mid twenties.” Hotch starts, “He most likely is able to gain the women’s trust, maybe he’s a student RA or a student tech worker, but they let him in without a second thought.”

“I thought he breaks into the dorms and waits for them?” A cop asks.

“He does,” You say, “But the initial access is how he chooses his victims. He’s a loner, doesn’t have many friends, certainly no girlfriend. It’s possible that he asks these girls on dates when he first meets them, and when they refuse he feels entitled to them anyway which is why he comes back for the rape.”

“What about the murder?” Another cop asks.

“We believe the death of the last girl was an accident.” Reid responds, “She had a heart condition and the medical examiner has confirmed she died from sudden cardiac arrest. The unsub even seemed to show remorse when he defiled the body after, carving the word ‘sorry’ into her body.”

“The killing has most likely set him on edge. He’s remorseful, upset, overcome with immense guilt, but he blames the women. If they had just said yes to him, he wouldn’t have to do this. She wouldn’t have died.” Derek continues, “You should be looking for someone who was soft spoken, but as the rapes started he became more assertive, maybe he had an altercation with a professor or supervisor.”

“You’ve probably interviewed him already,” You say, “He inserts himself into the investigation because he feels guilt and watching the investigation play out validates that he was right for doing what he did.” You sigh, “There’s one more thing. He didn’t intend to kill Victoria, but… He spent time with the body after she had passed. He mutilated her as well as continued his rape of her afterward. It’s possible that he enjoyed the kill and will kill the next time as well. So stay vigilant and… please tell the girls not to let any men in their dorms. Thank you.”

Aaron comes up to you, “Can I speak to you alone for a moment?”

You nod and follow him into a conference room and he closes the door behind you, “You’re really an incredible profiler, agent.”

Again with the ‘agent.’ “Thank you, sir.”

“I just wanted to assure you that I will remain nothing but professional around you from here on out.”

You tilted your head to the side and you knew the pain was evident on your face as you didn’t try to hide it, “I see.”

“You’re upset.”

You laugh, “Did you mean anything you said at the bar, Aaron, or were you just drunk?” You’re aware of how vulnerable you’re being in front of him now as you can hear the tears in your own voice.

You see him calculating what the best response is and this just infuriates you more, “Forget it, you’re just going to talk to me like some unsub, trying to best figure out what to say to calm me down.”

He shakes his head, “That’s not what I’m doing.”

You start to walk out and stop to stand next to him, “You just said yourself I’m an incredible profiler, so please don’t profile me and think I won’t notice.”

He closes his eyes as you continue walking out, “Y/N, wait.” Despite yourself, you do stop at the sound of your name. “I’m sorry, I-- I meant the things I said at the bar, I’m… But I’m your boss and I don’t want to make it difficult for you to do your job.”

You force a smile and look up at him, “Don’t worry, Hotch, won’t be a problem.”

And then you’re gone and he gets the feeling you won’t call him Aaron ever again.

***

Spencer walks in the entrance of the dorm you’ve been staking out, two coffees in hand. He hands one to you wordlessly, “Have you gotten any sleep?”

“Obviously not.” You sigh and happily guzzle the coffee, “Thanks.”

“Hotch is upset.”

“About what?” You murmur, half paying attention, half going over the case again on the papers in front of you.

“About you, obviously.”

You don’t look up, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. How do you even know Hotch is upset? He always looks like he’s pissed at something.”

“Because I’m a profiler. Everyone knows he’s off, no one will say to his face that it’s because of you.”

You sigh and look up at him, “Spencer, we’re fine, okay? We’re adults.” He’s quiet, but he won’t stop staring at you, “What?”

“I know that I’m… not the most perceptive when it comes to emotions, but… I think he’s in love with you. And I’m pretty sure you’re in love with him.”

You smirk, “And what makes you think that, Mr. Profiler?”

He smiles back, “Well, Hotch is always watching you, mostly when you’re not looking and when he does his expression sort of… softens. He almost always assigns the two of you together when giving the unit assignments, which I think is partially because he likes to be around you, but also because he’s trying to protect you, especially after that hostage situation a few months ago. He was a wreck when you were in there. Screaming at everyone, I really thought he would kill the unsub when he found him.”

“He would do that for any of us, when any of us were in danger.” You said, quickly shaking your head to dismiss the idea.

But Spencer shakes his head, “You didn’t see him. It was different.”

“Spencer, he barely gave me a pat on the back when I left that hostage situation alive.”

“That’s because he doesn’t trust himself around you. Why do you think the only time he’s ever given you a hint at the way he feels was when he was drunk?”

Your head is spinning as you look at Spencer, “No, that doesn’t make any sense--”

“It makes perfect sense and I know you know that.” Spencer’s phone rings, “Reid.” He sighs and lowers his head, “Where? Okay, we’ll be right there.” He hangs up the phone, “There’s another body.”

You sigh, “I really hate being right.”

***

“You were right,” Hotch says from behind you, “He’s discovered he likes killing.”

It was never easy looking at bodies, but somehow it was always worse when you had predicted it and still not been able to stop it, “How did he do it?”

“Manual strangulation.”

“Has anyone checked for skin or blood under her fingernails? Sign of a struggle?”

Aaron nods, “Already scraped off and sent to Garcia.”

“Even if she can’t find a match, we’ll be able to narrow down suspects by the injuries she left.”

“The school is panicking, they want to evacuate the campus.”

“If they evacuate we’ll never find him, he’ll just start again somewhere else.”

“That’s what I told them.”

You sigh, “Why are the girls still letting him in?”

“Maybe they’re not,” Hotch mused, “Maybe he’s starting to pick the girls from his classes now that we’re here.”

“The last two victims, do we have their schedules? Their majors?”

“They were both nursing majors,” Emily interjects, “Third year.”

You nod, “Okay, so by that point, third year, majority of their classes are restricted to nursing majors only.” You flip your phone open and dial Penelope.

“Hello my delightful fairy princess, what can I do for you?”

“Garcia, the last two victims, can you cross reference their class schedules and tell me if they had any classes in common?”

“Yes, just a second… Three classes in common.”

“Okay, cross reference with the remaining victims.”

“Um, okay, wow, all of them had two classes in common.”

“Shit.” You mutter, “Can you send over the class rosters of both those classes, but just the men. And also send pictures.”

“You got it.”

“Thanks, Penelope.”

You shake your head, “They were all nursing majors.” You say as you hang up, “How did we miss that?”

Reid was shaking his head, “We didn’t have a lot of time to interview the victims before the first body turned up.”

“Alright, we need everyone looking through those rosters, rounding up every male we can and interviewing them.” Hotch starts, “Y/N, you’re with me for interviews, the rest of you keep in touch with Garcia and find out anything you can.”

You try to ignore the shock you feel that he picked you this time, noting Reid’s raised eyebrows as he left the room. “You sure you want me on interviews?” You ask when you’re alone.

He’s looking at all the evidence on the corkboard, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Wasn’t sure if you would want to work closely with me anymore.” You say, standing next to him now and also looking over the evidence.

He looks at you now, “You have the same features as a lot of the victims, I’m hoping it’ll get a rise out of our unsub if we find him.”

You nod, “Makes sense.”

“And,” He says pointedly until you meet his eyes, “As I’ve said already, you’re an excellent agent and I could use your help on this.”

You heave a big sigh, “Okay, how do you wanna play it?”

He shrugs, “I think you already know what role I need you to play.”

***

This is maybe the tenth or so interview you and Hotch had done with no success. You were tired of playing this role, especially in front of Hotch.

“Jordan.” You smile sweetly at him, making sure to lean over the table just a little to give him the view he wants, “Did you know either of these girls?” You lay the pictures of the last couple victims on the table, wait to see his reaction. He brings his hands up to rest on the table and you see the shallow scratch marks on them, you share a discreet look with Hotch who barely nods in acknowledgement.

He stares for far too long. Hotch notices his hands clench into fists. He’s excited by the bodies.

“Yeah, I knew them.” He’s still looking at the pictures, “They were in two of my classes.” He finally looks up and gazes at you hungrily, “You seem awful young to be an FBI agent.”

You smile again and then look away, a sign of submission. “Stop flirting with my agent.” Hotch says placing his palms abruptly on the table. Jordan doesn’t flinch at Hotch’s presence, not taking his eyes off you. He’s more confident than either of you anticipated. Was the profile wrong or is this the wrong guy? “How did you know the victims?”

“I just told you, from class.”

“Did you ever see them outside of class?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know, maybe, to do a project, not in a while though.”

“Jordan, do you know if either of the girls had a boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend?” He frowns, “Those two? No.” He practically scoffs.

You tilt your head to the side, “Why do you say it like that?”

“Those girls aren’t the boyfriend type. They’re whores.” There’s the bitterness in his voice.

You try to make your face as empathetic as possible, “What do you mean by that, Jordan?”

“Well, you know, they slept around… Wouldn’t give a nice guy like me a chance. You must know their type, you’re the FBI.”

You nod, “It must be so hard for a handsome, smart guy like you to get rejected. I can’t imagine why anyone would dream of missing out on that,” You shake your head, “Their loss.”

Hotch audibly scoffs and you watch Jordan glare at him. He’s getting angry. Good. “Hotch, why don’t you go get Jordan a water?”

Hotch blinks at you, trying to figure out if you had really just given him an order, “Agent, I am the lead interrogator on this case, I’m not leaving you alone in here--”

“Agent Hotchner,” You turn in your seat to face him, hoping he’ll read your expression, “Please get the young man a water, he’s been in here for hours.”

His eyes search your face for a few moments and then he leaves the room without another word. He won’t be getting Jordan a water. You know he’s watching carefully from the other side of the glass. “Sorry about him.” You say, “He doesn’t understand men like you.”

“Men like me?”

“Men who know how to get what they want.”

His face transforms as he watches you and he leans back in his chair, relaxed, legs spread to assert his dominance. “And you understand that?”

“There’s nothing sexier than a man who goes after what he wants… No matter what.”

He leans forward and whispers, “Even when they beg me to stop?”

You swallow past your disgust and, though you hate to admit it, fear, “Did they beg you to stop? Victoria and Erica?”

His smile widens as he watches you, “You remind me so much of them.”

“Can you tell me what you did to them? How you killed them?”

He licks his lips now, you think he’s lost all sense of where he is, falling for the delusion you’ve set in front of him, “You’re just like them, a dirty little slut. You want to be punished, don’t you?”

“Please.” Is the last word you whisper before he practically jumps across the table to grab your throat. Your chair falls backwards and he’s on top of you, crushing your windpipe. How could you forget that he was uncuffed? Hotch rushes in, he yells as he pulls Jordan off you, but you’re not sure what he’s saying. Then he’s cuffed Jordan and taken you out of the room.

“Sit.” Aaron says, ushering you to a chair that you practically fall into. You’re still coughing and you’re shaking a bit as Aaron gives you a water.

“I forgot,” You start, your voice hoarse, but Hotch brings the water cup to your mouth, insisting you drink before talking. You take a couple swallows, “I forgot he wasn’t cuffed.”

He shakes his head, “It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have left you alone with him.”

“No, I needed you on the other side of the glass. He wouldn’t have fallen for the delusion otherwise. I needed him to forget who I was and just see me as a potential victim.” Aaron wouldn’t meet your eyes, not wanting to admit that you were right, “I’m going back in there.”

“No, you’re not, that’s out of the question.”

“Is that an order, sir?” He scans your face in frustration, “You know it has to be me. He won’t talk to you. I’ll be fine.”

He sighs and rubs a hand over his face, “Fine. Ask him about Erica, don’t ask about Victoria.”

“Why?”

“Because he didn’t kill Victoria himself, it’ll ruin the fantasy and he might lie to you to try to impress you. The details of the murders weren’t shared with the public, only the unsub would know how each of them died. He needs to reveal how he killed Erica to you and then we’ll have him.”

“Okay.” You stand and hold your hands behind you so he won’t see them shaking, but he’s a profiler. The attempt is mute.

He takes a step closer, “You don’t have to go back in there,” He says softly, “No one will think less of you.”

When he’s this close, looking at you with such concern, it makes you want to melt in his arms. But you had a job to do, “I can do this.”

And before he can make you think about it more, you turn away from him and march back in the interrogation room.

“Sorry about that,” You sit back down at the table and smile at him, “My partner gets a little jealous sometimes.” You lean in and whisper, “He’s usually the only one I let handle me like that.”

Just like that he’s back, “Why don’t you uncuff me so we can continue?”

You bite your lip, “I’d like to hear more about the other girls first.”

***

“Why is she in there by herself?” Rossi came up behind Aaron who was watching the unsub’s every move, ready to jump in again if needed.

“She insisted.” Hotch says simply, “She almost has him.”

Rossi sighs, “She’s stubborn. Like someone else I know.”

Hotch is quiet for a moment, “I can’t be with her, Rossi, it could ruin her career.”

“You can’t know that. And besides, don’t you think that should be her decision to make?”

Hotch doesn’t answer, he just continues watching you.

***

“Does it turn you on hearing what I’ve done to them?”

You’re sitting on your hands now, trying to stifle the growing panic in your head that was telling you to get out. He’s unarmed, he’s cuffed, Aaron is right there. He can’t hurt you. “You have no idea.” It came out breathless from your fear, but he interpreted it as desire.

“First, I knocked her out, tied her to the bed. Then I waited for her to wake up before I began. I stripped her clothes off her at that point and then I fucked her while she cried,” He’s smiling at you and you’re doing all you can to keep your expression neutral. “I took out the knife and started carving her up. You should have heard her beg. And then, when that’s all finished, I strangled her while I came inside her.” He leans over the table to get closer to you, and it takes everything in you not to move away, “Have you ever watched the light leave someone’s eyes, sweetheart?”

You calmly scoot your chair back and stand, buttoning your shirt back up and then resting your hand on your gun, reminding him of who you really are, “Thank you, Jordan. You’ve been incredibly helpful in this investigation.” And then turn to leave ignoring the way he calls after you.

When you exit the room, Aaron and Dave are both waiting for you and you sit down, exhausted, resting your head in your hands.

“Nice work, kid.” Dave says with a squeeze on your shoulder, and then he’s gone.

Then, there’s another touch on your back, more gentle and hesitant. You look up to see Aaron watching you, concern masking his face, “I’m fine, Hotch.” You say, shrugging him off.

His hand drops and you immediately regret it. “When you were taken those months ago, by that unsub…” His words are slow, as if making sure this is what he really wants to say to you. You know exactly what he’s going to say before he says it, “He raped you, didn’t he?” Your eyes snap up to meet his. “You would never tell us what actually happened, all those hours he had you, a sexual sadist.” He shakes his head, “There’s no way he would’ve been able to control himself.”

You shake your head just lightly, “I can’t do this now, Aaron.”

“Then when?” He’s frustrated now, borderline angry, “You lied at your psych eval, you said nothing happened, we let you come back after just a couple of weeks--”

“And I’m doing just fine, aren’t I?” You stand so you’re nearly eye level with him.

“You think I didn’t notice the way you almost fell apart in there?”

“But I didn’t. I finished it and I did a damn good job and you know it.”

Hotch erases all traces of emotion from his face as he stares you down, “You’re suspended for two weeks, effective immediately. Hand over your badge and gun, agent.”

You nearly stumble back from him as if you’ve been hit, “Aaron?”

“What’s going on?” Prentiss has entered the room now followed by the rest of the team, all watching with confused and worried expressions.

“You heard me.” Hotch says, never taking his eyes off you. You make no moves to take out your badge or gun, “Now, agent.” There’s bite to his words this time.

You feel humiliated. With the whole team watching, you place your gun and badge on the table and brush by Aaron without a second glance. Pushing past the team, even Spencer who reaches for you.

“What the hell was that, Hotch?” Derek says once you’ve left.

“She lied in order to pass her psych eval. I did what I had to do.” Everyone’s staring at him, but he walks by, seemingly unphased, “Good work, everyone. Get some rest, we go home tomorrow at first light.”

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fic #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner fanfic #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fic #hotch fic #hotch fluff #hotch angst #hotch imagine #mine

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winterscaptain · 3 years

Text

spoiled.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader a joyful future fic

a/n: happy valentine’s day!

words: 2.1k warnings: language, over-the-top valentine’s day shenanigans

summary: “the best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.” - nicholas sparks. au!february 2012

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | taglist | what do you want to see next?

Aaron leaves rather early in the morning, leaving you in bed complaining with only a kiss for your trouble.

When you eventually get up, on track to be about fifteen minutes late to the federal building, you find a pair of post-its on the fridge.

Always the romantic.

+++

The evening rolls around and finds you on the couch with Jess and Jack.

“You gonna start getting ready?” Jess asks. “You’ve got a long night ahead of you.”

You look over at her. “Wait. He told you what we’re doing?”

She nods. “Yeah. You have no idea. He hasn’t done a big Valentine’s Day thing since he surprised Haley in her senior year of college. He’s been looking for an excuse.”

That’s terrifying.

“Guess I better get ready then.”

Jack’s got a funny little smile on his face, but you ignore it. You’re sure the Hotchner boys are in cahoots, but it’s not really worth it to try and wiggle anything out of him.

You head to the master bedroom to get dressed, throwing off your slouchy day-off clothes in favor of something that can take you to a fancy dinner and whatever else Aaron has planned for your evening.

+++

You walk out of the apartment, hearing Jess lock the door behind you. When you reach the front of the apartment complex, Aaron closes the car door as he hops out, meeting you halfway to the sidewalk.

“Hello, gorgeous,” he says, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

He’s wearing a black button-up, black slacks, and his favorite pair of black oxfords. It’s a sharp look and one he knows you love.

“You’re looking quite dapper yourself, sir.”

The boyish grin on his face melts your heart and you take the arm he offers. Like a real gentleman, he opens the door for you and makes sure you’re inside before closing you in.

+++

The drive is quiet. You ask about the office once or twice, but it’s clear there’s nothing significant to report.

“So...what are we doing tonight?”

He glances at you out of the corner of his eye. “Dinner. And a few other things.”

+++

When he says ‘dinner,’ he’s not joking. The restaurant is a high-end, no-prices-on-the-menu type of place. The lighting is low, the environment cozy and quiet.

He must have planned this months ago. Reservations are like gold on Valentine’s Day.

Aaron’s squinting at the menu across from you. It makes you laugh.

“Need a flashlight and your reading glasses?”

“Shut up.” It comes with his own laugh, but he’s still squinting.

You finally decide on something and order, trusting Aaron’s taste in wine. When the waiter leaves, Aaron reaches across the table for your hand.

“Okay,” he says. You recognize his tone - it’s professional, like he’s starting a press conference. “No work, no kids, no serial killers.”

You smile, waiting for him to give you a little more context.

“How are you?”

What a question.

How often does the answer to that question not include work, kids, or serial killers?

Not very.

“I’m good.” You mean it. “I’m really good.”

There’s a small smile on his face. “Why?”

Are you profiling me now, Hotch?

Deciding to give him shit, you ask, “Why am I good, or is that a more general existential question?”

He rolls his eyes and you relent.

“Alright. Well…” You take a breath. “There are a lot of things to be happy about. You, for one thing.”

“Me?” He asks. He looks genuinely surprised.

Fool.

“Yes, you.” You squeeze his hand. “You are my best friend and somehow - somehow - I’ve landed you as my partner. I am living out everything I dreamed of at twenty-five.”

That pulls another smile from him. “Really?” Again, he looks genuinely surprised.

Can’t believe I’ve never told this to him.

Ridiculous

“Oh yeah. I can’t believe you never noticed. I had a huge crush on you - instantly. Derek gave me nothing but hell once he figured it out.” You pause. “Do you remember that time on the plane, really early on, when I woke up and everyone thought I had a nightmare?”

Looking a little confused by your change in direction, and you don’t blame him.

“I think so? I remember we all felt so bad.” He shrugs. “We all get them, of course - still do - but we were worried about you.”

“Right. So -”

Aaron’s head tilts to the left as he interrupts you. “Did you say ‘everyone thought’ it was a nightmare?”

Your face gets hot and you suddenly regret bringing this up at all. “Yeah. I’m getting to that.”

With an embarrassed huff, you continue. “So, it wasn’t a nightmare.”

“No?” The question comes accompanied by a frown.

“No. It was a sex dream. About you.”

You can tell he’s doing his best to hide his smile for your benefit, but there’s a threatening dimple that gives him away and you’ve simply known him too long for him to get away with anything.

“Really?” His tone is neutral, polite, but you can hear the humor behind the apparently bland interest.

“Yep.”

“What - if I may ask - was it about? Specifically?”

You take a breath and adopt the same kind of ironic professionalism as Aaron. “Well, now it doesn’t seem so notable, because i’m more than familiar with your, um, technique.”

And it’s true. Though you hardly remember the details of the dream anymore - it's been years - you know that real life doesn’t even come close.

Aaron pulls his hand from yours and steeples his fingers under his chin. He’s the picture of interest, so you continue.

“The key points are as follows -”

He holds up a finger, and you stop. “On second thought,” he says. “I think this recollection would be better served by a demonstration.”

You nod. “You’re probably right.”

“I’ll pencil it in.”

You grin at each other for a moment, the back-and-forth of it so deeply on brand you can’t help but steep in it for a second.

“So,” he says, “as you were saying before…?”

“Right.”

Back to business.

“I had a huge crush on you and could swear you were the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.”

Never one to forgo an opportunity to compliment him when he’s not actively swatting at you, you continue.

“In the lecture you gave with Gideon and Derek, I knew you were in charge before you said anything. Even though Gideon had the years and experience on you, it was clear that everything came through you.” You attempt to explain the inarticulable. “There’s a kind of steadiness - one you still have - that radiates off of you.”

The two of you sit in that for a moment.

You continue. “And then, of course, when we met again I had to really focus on not making an ass of myself in front of Strauss.”

He laughs. His laughter makes you laugh, of course. It’s so much higher than his speaking register, so delightful in its unexpectedness.

“Okay, okay.” You stop, covering your face with your hands. “Okay this is cheesy. Promise not to laugh.”

His eyebrows rise and he forces his mouth into something that only threatens a dimple once more.

“When you shook my hand in Radner’s office, there was this crazy jolt of energy or something that just flew up my arm. It was wild. I’ve never been able to forget it, almost like a flashbulb memory.”

As promised, he doesn’t laugh. There is, however, a kind of wonder in his eyes when he replies, “You felt that, too?”

+++

After dinner (and dessert), Aaron takes your hand and ushers you into the car when you leave the lod. He doesn’t turn the way you expect.

“Where are we going?”

The dashboard casts a glow on his face. You can still spot a dimple in the dark. “You’ll see.”

+++

Your disbelief only grows when you go deeper into the city and pull up to the Hay-Adams. The valet opens the door for you, while Aaron hands over the keys to his SUV. Once all the details are covered, you take his arm again and let him guide you into the lobby.

It’s expansive. The Hay-Adams is, of course, one of the most historic buildings in the district and considered one of the best hotels on the East Coast by people who know of these things.

Aaron confirms the reservation and gets the room cards before promptly finding the elevator and swiping in for the seventh floor. You look down, remembering your attire at the last minute.

“Aaron, I don’t have my go bag.”

He shakes his head, still looking forward. “Don’t need it.”

You scoff.

He doubles down. “Do you trust me?”

Stupid question.

“Of course.”

“Go with it. I’m trying to spoil you.” He turns and presses his lips to yours, taking your face in his hand. Against your mouth, he says, “Let me.”

+++

The room is gorgeous - a one bedroom suite with a living room, balcony, and kitchenette, a huge couch dominates the center of the open living area, opposite an impressive television. Through the open door, you catch a glimpse of a king-sized bed.

This must have cost a small fortune.

As if reading your mind, Aaron takes your hand and tugs you forward. You land against his chest and he smiles at you. “Don’t think too hard. Come with me.”

You follow him out to the balcony and the view takes your breath away. The White House, well-lit in the D.C. nighttime, sits right across the street. From here, you can see Lafayette Square - beyond it, almost the whole city.

When you come back to yourself, you realize there’s an outdoor loveseat and a small table, holding champagne (on ice) and chocolate-covered fruit.

Champagne, chocolate, fancy dinner… The whole nine.

Spoiled indeed.

Aaron sits, pulling you down beside him. He pours two glasses of champagne - mostly for show, and moves the bucket to the ground. The fruit goes off to the side table and his feet go up on the small table, crossing at the ankles. You curl up against him, tucking under his arm.

“Do you like it? Too much?”

You can hear the genuine insecurity behind his cheeky question. You press a kiss to the back of his hand. “I love it. It is too much, but it’s very thoughtful. You twist to kiss the underside of his jaw. “Thank you.”

With that, the two of you settle in, quietly enjoying the company and the quiet. It’s cold, but with the outdoor heater, it’s comfortable enough that you don’t need your coat.

“Okay.”

Aaron sits up. “Yes?”

“You asked, so it’s only fair. No work, no kids, no serial killers. How are you?”

He pulls you over so you’re sitting across his lap. You rest your head on his shoulder, your hand smoothing over the soft fabric of his button-up before placing it over his heart.

“I’m good,” he says. “I’m really good.”

“Why?” You feel a little like a parrot, but you’re sure that’s what he’s going for.

“I can’t...quite articulate how lucky I feel.”

That’s relatable.

“I’m happy to be here with you.” He shakes his head - a pensive gesture. “I never thought I could make it here again.”

“Where?” You ask.

“In love, happy, facing a future that doesn’t scare me. My son is happy, safe...I wasn’t sure I'd ever have any of that again after losing Haley.”

He pauses and you can feel a little sardonic smile. You don’t have to see it to know it’s there. His next admission, though, surprises you.

“I accepted that I would be a bystander in your life a long time ago. I accepted that I would likely remain a widower, a single father. I knew you’d be around and that I would be your friend, but I made peace with the idea that I’d never have you right here.” He squeezes you twice, in time with his words. It makes you smile.

He shakes his head and lets out a little laugh. “I’m not sure it’ll ever sink in.”

You feel much the same, but it's kind of at once alarming and amusing to hear him so beautifully articulate feelings that so closely resemble your own.

You lean back to look at him. “I’m glad you were wrong.”

He places a gentle finger under your chin and kisses you, long and languid. It’s a promise. After a little while, he leans back, brushing the back of his fingers over your cheek.

“Me too.”

+++

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