#having a conversation with me if we;re not close friends must be so painful...

[hellfiremunsonn]

Stuck With Me. Eddie Munson x Reader.

AN: At the end of each chapter will be a picture of ‘your’ Journal. Photos, and writing of a little bit from each chapter. 

(THIS IS A REUPLOAD ALL CHAPTERS WILL BE RE UPLOADED ONE BY ONE)

I DO NOT ALLOW MY WRITING TO BE REPUBLISHED ANYWHERE OTHER THAN MY OWN BLOG WITHOUT MY CONSENT.

WARNINGS: Mentions of drinking (they're at a bar) Eddie is sweaty

WORDCOUNT: 5k

CHAPTER 3: THE GANGS ALL HERE

It took about fifteen minutes for the house to become a loud mess of young teens and young adults. Passing between the open door to the backyard, people dipping their feet in the pool, some hovering in the kitchen, and of course Steve, watching Robin with his hands on his hips as she manned the grill. He still didn't trust her enough to cook by herself, and you could only reassure him so many times, but still he refuses to fully believe you. 

The gang included, Dustin Henderson, Max Mayfield, Lucas Sinclair, who was dating Max. Mike Wheeler and his sister Nancy Wheeler. Will Byers and his brother Johnathan Byers, who was dating Nancy. But Nancy was also Steves ex but they somehow get along really well?. Jane Hopper, who was will and Jonathans step sister, and she was dating Mike. 

You sat on the edge of the pool next to Max watching Dustin and Mike battle it out with pool noodles. 

"It's crazy to think all of you have grown up together" You comment. 

Max turned to you, a small smile on her lips as she looked at you over the top of her red sunglasses. "Everyone always says that" She laughed. "They're the siblings I never had, and although they are all a huge pain in my ass I'm glad I became friends with them, trauma and all"

"Were you at the mall too? With the fire and all that?" you asked quietly.

"Uh yeah, most of us were actually" She seemed like she wanted to say more but closed her mouth. Forcing a tight lipped smile while she looked at me. 

"That must have been scary, I can only imagine... But you don't have to talk about it, I get it, I'm sorry for prying" Instantly panicking that you might have crossed a line with the small red head but she laughed instead. 

"No don't worry about it, people always ask about it, it's kind of an unbelievable story" 

you nodded, turning your attention back to everyone around the backyard. Mike and Jane were sat close together on one of the lounge chairs, deep in conversations while their hands were intertwined. 

"Hey can I ask you a question?" You said turning back to Max. 

"Yeah of course"

"Who's the guy in the band? The show tomorrow?" your brows furrow, squinting through the sun. 

"Eddie?"

You shrug. "Robin hasn't told me his name, keeps referring to him as 'an old friend' for some reason"

Max snorted. "Eddie Munson, he's the dungeon master for the DnD club all the guys were in at school. Or at least he was before he graduated, that's how we all know him, cause of those nerds" She said gesturing to the boys in the pool. 

"Eddie Munson" You repeated. His named felt smooth on your tongue, a name you get used to saying... It replayed in your mind over and over again like a spell. 

The rest of the night was actually quite peaceful. You all sat around the little campfire and exchanged stories, some good, some cringe, relating to old high school moments, and newer ones from the younger kids. They all seemed so mature for their age. All of them seeming to know more than me, and maybe they had been through more than they let on. But they were all so sweet nonetheless. It was obvious how much they loved and cared for each other.

After the sun had long gone down, we all cramped into the basement to watch a movie, and after almost an hour of back and forth yelling on which movie was better and why you ended up falling asleep about ten minutes into the movie. When you woke up the movie had ended and static played on the tv, lighting up the crowded couch where they all were fast asleep and all tucked around each other. You snuck away to grab your camera and snapped a picture of them, it was too cute for you not to. 

"You're such a creep" Robin whispered to you. Waking up from her spot on the other couch, stretching her arms over her head. 

"They look cute, sue me" you said without looking at her. "I'm going to head up to bed" you said, attempting to speak through your yawn. 

Heading for the stairs you turned back to robin before leaving "Robin?" You said quietly. 

"mhmm?"

"I really like your friends. I can see why you keep them around, I've never seen you so happy"

She blushed, the pink still prominent  enough in the white glow of the tv. "Thanks... They really like you as well, they can't believe I found another cool friend honestly" She looked at them with fondness in her eyes. 

"Goodnight Robby"

You happily tucked yourself into your bed for the week, sinking into the lavish pillows surrounding you. 

You woke up the next morning around nine thirty, stretching out your arms and legs. After a few extra minutes of staring at the ceiling you finally got up and creeped into the bathroom, brushing your teeth and peaking into Robins room to see if she was awake yet. She wasn't.

You grabbed a pair of fuzzy socks and tugged them on before quietly making your way downstairs.

Feeling your shoulders relax when you realized you were probably the only one awake right now.  You take your time snooping around the kitchen until you eventually found everything you needed to make coffee. You laughed to yourself knowing Robin would curse you for using instant coffee instead of 'the real stuff' considering you worked at a coffee shop. But something about instant coffee just hit perfectly in the morning. 

Holding your mug of coffee to your chest you walked over to the large sliding doors to the backyard. Admiring the sun slowly filtering through the trees, bearing down a comfortable warmth before the heat of the afternoon was sure to hit. 

You don't know when, or how long Steve had been in the kitchen but when he placed his own mug down on the counter; the ceramic noise of the cup meeting marble startled you and you flinched slightly, your coffee swirling in your mug threatening to spill more than the few splashes that hit your shirt. 

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you" Steve chuckled, his voice low and still groggy. from sleep. Hair a mess of a mop on the top of his head, yet it had somehow gained volume. "You're up early" He said while beginning to fix himself a cup of coffee. 

"This is actually pretty late for me, I'm used to getting up so early for work" You pout. "This is the first time I've had more than two days off in a row"

"Really?" Steve said walking over to stand next to you. "How come you work so much?"

"I'm too nice to say no" you sigh, looking down into your coffee cup. 

Taking a sip of his own, he nodded with a silent agreement. "That's like me and those little shits asleep downstairs. The amount of times I've considered moving back here just for them"

"You really are quite the babysitter aren't you? Robin makes jokes about it all the time, but it's different seeing you actually with them" you joke, bumping your shoulder into his.

Quiet footsteps from the basement stairs were heard behind you, both you and Steve turning to see who was creeping up the steps. It was Max with her two braids a little messy, a few strands coming untucked. "Oh thank god someone else is awake" She breathed while walking into the kitchen. 

"I tried to stay down there but it's so boring when none of them are awake, and Dustins snoring was driving me crazy" Rolling her eyes she began searching through Steves cupboards, and drawers. The two of you continue to watch as she shifted around the kitchen, looking for whatever it was she was looking for. After a few minutes, she had laid out a bunch of bowls and other cooking utensils. 

With a huff she leaned with both hands agaisnt the counter and looked up at Steve. "Steve do you have stuff to make pancakes?"

"Obviously" Steve said running a hand through his hair. "Of course I have stuff for pancakes" he scoffed while joining her on the other side of the counter. 

As the smell of pancakes, syrup and bacon, filled the air, more and more of the gang slowly began to filter in and out of the kitchen. Grabbing a serving of pancakes and sitting around the kitchen and outside in the backyard to enjoy the morning warmth before it got too hot. You settled with three pancakes, adding sliced bananas on top and drowned them in syrup. "Max these are incredible" You say after swallowing a sticky mouthful of pancake and banana. 

"Hey she didn't do all of the work!" Steve yelled over the sound of the kitchen sink, elbows deep in soapy water. 

After a day of laying in the sun by the pool, and swimming until your arms hurt it was time to start getting ready for the show tonight. Most of the gang had gone home to get ready which left you alone sat on the floor surrounded by every item of clothing you had brought. You pouted at your choices, none of them seeming to satisfy you. With a groan you leaned back until you were laying on the floor. 

"Somehow I always find you on the floor" Robin said from the door. "What's your dilemma this time" She said coming to join you on the floor 

"I don't know what to wear" you grumbled, throwing an arm over your eyes. 

"Just like, wear something all black, it's a pretty metal band, and a dingy bar so you don't have to try so hard to fit in"

Leaning up onto my elbows you surveyed your options once more. "Do I look like I wear all black?" you say gesturing to the colourful and mismatched pile of clothing. 

Robin rolled her eyes. Leaning forward onto her knees she rummaged through the clothes, mumbling to herself as she went along. 

"Here" She said shoving a full outfit into your hands. "Go put it on" She poked at your sides until you were laughing and helped you up off the floor. Shoving you towards to bathroom to get dressed. 

It was the Metallica shirt that usually you wore exclusively for sleeping. A pair of black shorts, with rainbow striped socks and your converse. It was a simple outfit, and you were kind of annoyed you didn't consider it in the first place. "Perfect!" Robin said jumping up and down while clapping her hands. "You look so cute"

You blush, avoiding her gaze. "You said it was a metal band?"

"Yeah, super metal, very loud, I never know what they're singing half the time, but I'm there to support" She said shrugging, jumping a few times while buttoning up her jeans. 

Going with the theme of black, you did some messy black eyeliner, smudging it out around the edges to give it a more 'alternative' vibe, whatever that meant. but I smudged it out more. You added a lightly tinted lipgloss giving your lips a perfect cherry pink color. 

The hideout was about an hour away from the centre of Hawkins, the bar stationed at the very edge of the town in an almost deserted area with only a few other buildings around it. The neon sign outside of the door flickered, half of it burnt out but still trying  illuminated the large bald man who sat on a stool right next to the door, probably there to card minors, but by the looks of him he probably let most of them in. 

Once inside the bar was exactly what you would picture any old dingy bar to look like. Wonky wooden floors that were abused by the heavy footed men who spilled their drinks after having one too many, or knocking over the tall bar tables in some sort of petty fight they wouldn't remember in fifteen minutes. The lights low, so only the few yellow wall lights filled the room with a faint glow. A couple of red faux leather booths across the left side of the bar, closest to the bathrooms that you could only imagine smelled like that weird portapotty chemical smell. 

You scrunched your nose at the thought. Most of the gang ran over to grab seats in the booths while Robin lead you to the bar. 

"What can I get for you two ladies?" the bar tender asked. He was tall and thick with muscle. Covered in tattoos, and some of them definitely looked gang related, but you didn't let your eyes linger on them very long. 

"Could I get a vodka and coke?" Robin asked, her fingers tapping anxiously against the hardwood of the bar top. 

The bartender nodded and then looked at you. "Just a sprite would be great" I said smiling.  "Also thank you" 

His lips lifted ever so slightly into a small smile as he went about making our drinks. You smile to yourself, feeling accomplished from making the mean tough man smile.

"You're not drinking?" Robin asks with a raised brow, fingers still tapping away as she spoke. 

"I can feel a headache brewing, don't want to make it worse by drinking tonight" it wasn't a lie, you decently did have a headache brewing, tension from the nerves of finally meeting the mystery man named Eddie. If you added alcohol into the mix tonight you'd be in for a rude awakening tomorrow.

Robin hummed, barely paying attention to what you said, her eyes searching every crevice of the bar.

 "Anxious about Vickie?"

Her eyes were wide, and she was so jittery she looked like a chihuahua. "No! Why would I be? Of course I'm not anxious" she said quickly, but folded even quicker. 

"Well yes, a lot actually, she said she would be here, but what if she doesn't show?" She eagerly grabbed her drink the minute the bartender set them down. You give him another small smile before slapping down some cash for the drinks, and a couple into his tip jar.

 "You talked to her on the phone today right?" Robin nodded, sipping her drink. "And she said she was coming, and that she was really excited to see you right?" You asked, repeating her words from earlier. 

"Yeah she did"

"So then she'll be here Robin don't worry about it" you give her shoulder a reassuring squeeze and she smiles, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly.

"I'm sorry for freaking out about it so much"

"Don't apologize, that's what best friends are for, we sign up to listen to you freak out about the same thing a million times, s'just our job" you shrug.

She rolled her eyes, opening her mouth to say something witty probably but the uproar of the gang behind the two of you made her turn around. "Oh!" She yelled and quickly made her way over to the booths. Confused you follow and watched as she envelopes a tall man with long curly hair in a hug. You assume this was the 'Eddie', Max had told you about yesterday but you could only see the back of him. 

Shyly sliding next to Robin, who now held him at arms length, you were finally able to see him. 

My god was he beautiful. You don't know why Robin didn't tell you; You guess the whole being a lesbian thing it probably didn't even occur to her. His skin looked like porcelain, and his eyes were such chocolate brown you were sure they would make anyone who made eye contact with him melt. He was smiling while Robin babbled to him, words you couldn't even make out because you were so entranced by him. He had dimples, and deep lines that formed when he smiled around his eyes and mouth. His face so full of expression, giving you exactly the response you would want from whatever you told him. When his eyes flickered to yours it felt like time had stopped. He furrowed his brows, just slightly, clearly confused as to who you was, but there was something in his eyes you couldn't quite make out, but it made them sparkle. 

"Oh! Let me finally introduce you two" Robin said turning towards you. Snapping you out of your thoughts you shook your head a little, plastering a smile on my face and reaching your hand out towards him. 

"She's a she?" He said turning to robin. "I thought your roommate was a dude this entire time?" 

"No you dingus, I've talked about her before, and she is very much a she, not a dude. Not my fault you gendered a nickname" She said rolling her eyes and returning to the gang behind you. Everyone clearly already having said their hellos, leaving us to get to know each other a little.

"Sorry about that" you blush.

He smiled at you, bringing his hand forward engulfing yours with his and shook it lightly. He repeated your name, and it sounded like heaven coming from his lips. You correct him, and give him your nick name which you prefer to be called but he ignores it, glancing down at your shirt.

"That's my shirt?" He said letting go of your hand to tug at the hem of the fabric. 

"Huh?" you look down at his hand and then back up at him. 

"This is mine, I thought I lost it, but you of all people have it?" He said raising his eyebrow. 

"Oh Robin gave it to me, she didn't want to throw it out, so I took it" You say shyly, looking down at your feet. "I usually sleep in it, I don't listen to them so I feel bad if I wear it out"

"So you're wearing your pyjamas at a bar?" He teased. 

You bit the inside of your cheek and smiled up at him. "I didn't pick out the outfit alright? I'm a lot more colourful than this" You say waving a hand up and down your body. 

"I can tell" He said with a laugh. "Alright I gotta head to the stage, I hope you enjoy the show, even if you don't listen to stuff like this"

"I'm sure I will, break a leg up there" You say, giving him a small thumbs up. He crossed both his fingers on each hand in return. 

When he made it to the stage you grabbed robin; maybe a little too aggressively as she almost spilled her drink all over the floor. "Why didn't you tell me he looked like that?" you spat, trying not to get the attention of the rest of the group. 

"Huh?"

"Eddie!" you exclaim.

"What about Eddie?"

"Oh my god" You ran a hand over your face. "He looks like a fucking sex god Robin and you let me leave the house looking like this?"

"You look cute!" She argued. 

"Maybe! Not cute enough for him" You say throwing your hands up in the air.

"Wait do you like Eddie?" she asks excitedly

"Well I don't know him, so I can't say yes to that, but his fucking face apparently has a way of making me have feelings that's for sure"

Robin snorted. "Oh my god I can't believe you're crushing on Eddie" 

"Robin I swear to god, if you say anything to anyone I will spill so much lego on the floor of your room you will never be able to walk comfortably ever again"

"I never said I was going to say anything!" She said in defence. "But no, I won't say anything. He for sure thinks you're pretty though" she said into her glass. 

"How would you know that?" you snort

"Because he's staring at you" she said smiling.

A panicked quick glance to your right to see that he in fact, really was staring at you. He seemed lost in thought, his drummer talking to him passionately, his hands flying, all while Eddies eyes stayed locked on you. Blushing, you ended up being the first one to break eye contact, but Eddies eyes didn't stray from you for very long. 

About five minutes later Vickie finally showed up and ran full speed to Robin, hugging her so tightly while burying her head into Robins shoulder. They stood like that for a few minutes before finally breaking apart to give each other a cluster of kisses, laughing the whole time. 

You smiled while you watched them, knowing Robin had nothing to worry about. Vickie is hopelessly in love with that woman. 

More people filtered in and eventually people were standing shoulder to shoulder. Robin and Steve creating a protective amount of space around you, knowing know more about these types of crowds. Feeling very grateful to have them as friends who take such good care of you.

When Eddie emerged from the stage again he had removed his leather jacket. Now only a loose black tank top hung over his broad shoulders. His hair tugged half up into a bun to keep it out of his face. When he spoke into the mic I watched as his lips grazed the metal of it with each word. 

"How ya doing Hawkins?" His voice echoed through the bar. People cheering and clapping at the sound of his voice. 

"It's been a while, but I could never forget my favourite place" Another round of cheers. "Were gunna play a couple of our songs, but we wanna end it with the one that started it all, which is a cover of Metallicas Master of Puppets"

The gang excitedly screamed and clapped, encouraging him. 

"Alright, that being said let's get this show fucking started" He almost growled those last few words before he and the rest of his band started jamming on their instruments. Grabbing your camera out of your bag, you snapped a couple pictures of Eddie. For the memories... Obviously.

They were insane. You couldn't really understand the words, and you could feel your headache grow, but being able to watch each of them individually and how much passion they put into their performance it was worth it. 

Eddie looked like be belonged up there, like he was born to be on a stage, or at least the centre of attention. How could he not be with a face like that. His head bobbing along to the music as his fingers diligently worked up and down the neck of his guitar. His tongue jutting out over his top lip as he concentrated on the chords. His bangs were clinging to his forehead, sweat dripping down his face and onto his chest. The once loose fitting tank top now clung to his damp torso. 

When he finally opened his eyes again he looked right at you but it felt like he was looking through you. It felt like your heart had stopped and time had stood still for the second time tonight. You could see Robin look at you out of the corner of your eye but refused to give her the satisfaction of looking back at her.

When the show finally ended, the entire gang was so hyped up and excited. Apparently Eddie and his band had been traveling a bit around the U.S doing small shows, and people seemed to really enjoy them! 

We were all gathered around an old van at the side of the bar while the band came in and out, putting all their equipment in the back of the van. You scuffed the toe of your shoe off the ground while you waited with the rest of them. Robin and Vickie had been attached at the hip the minute Vickie entered the bar, so you drifted off to the side, afraid of bothering the rest of them. 

When Eddie came out and the gang got loud again, all of them exchanging hugs, and 'welcome homes'. You leaned against the side of the van watching them, Unable to hide the smile seeing them have so much love for their friend. A heart grunt from the door next to you made you turn, one of the band guys struggling to carry something. His hand was slipping and made the weight off so you jogged over quickly to grab the other end of whatever it was that he was carrying. It looked like it was an amp. 

"Thanks!" He smiled and huffed. 

"I couldn't just stand there and watch you struggle" You said while straining to keep your end of the amp up high enough to lift up into the van. He let you shift your end in first, clearly noticing your slight struggle. You dusted off your hands on your shorts once the amp was successfully placed into the van. 

"Thanks again" He said raising his hand up to you for a high five you smacked his hand, leaving the two of you with a stingy palm

"No problem"

"I'm Gareth by the way" he said introducing himself quickly before returning to the inside of the bar.

Going back to leaning against the van you crossed your arms over your chest, rubbing your arms and resting your hands on the tops of your shoulders, fighting off the small chill from the light breeze rolling by. Closing your eyes you leaned your forehead against the cool metal of the van, letting yourself relax into it slightly, the cold temperature soothing the dull ache behind your eyes.

"So how'd you like the show?"

Eddies voice startled your, your eyes snapping open with a small flinch. 

He laughed and gave you a sympathetic smile. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you" He said holding up his hands in defence. 

"It's okay" you laughed. "But I liked it. It was cool seeing you up there, very wild" You said honestly.

"I'm not like that all the time" 

"What a rockstar?"

"Well yeah, I'm just a big nerd, town freak, all that good stuff" He said shrugging with a small smile. 

"Aren't we all?" You asked tilting your head to the side. "Probably why we all get along so well huh?" You nod towards the slowly dispersing group of friends. 

He laughed, shoving his hands deep into his pockets, leaning back onto the balls of his feet, with his shoulders tucked up high near his ears. The loud bang of the doors of the van closing made the both of us jump. 

"Good to go Ed" Gareth said giving him a thumbs up. 

"Thanks man" Eddie said with a salute. He turned back to you quickly. "Where you staying? Steves?"

"Uh yeah" 

"I'll drive you" He said pulling out his keys from his pocket. 

"Oh no that's okay I came with- Wait where did she go" You looked around for Robin, spinning in a full circle. "She left with Vickie didn't she"

"About ten minutes ago, when you were helping Gareth with the amp" 

"The sex better be worth it if she's abandoning me" You say with fake annoyance. 

"Your chariot awakes m'lady" He said while dipping into a bow. 

"Why thank you kind sir" You quip with a terrible fake British accent, accompanied by a clumsy curtsy. Eddie reached for your hand, grabbing it and leading you up to the passenger side of the van which you now realized was his. He opened the door and continued to hold your hand to help me up and into the seat. After closing your door he jogged around the front and quickly got into the drivers seat. 

You clipped in your seatbelt, setting your bag on the floor by your feet. "Is it okay if I cross my legs?" You asked looking towards him. 

"Yeah why wouldn't it be?" He said turning around, one hand placed on the back of your headrest as he reversed out of the parking spot. You could smell him like this, sweat, beer, and some sort of cologne you couldn't decipher. 

"Didn't know if you were one of those car people" You joke while tucking your legs up and crossing them.

"You mean like Steve?" He said glancing at you. 

"Exactly that" 

"This van is probably older than me, it reeks of weed and cigarettes, you could pretty much do anything in here, I don't mind"

"I'll keep that in mind for when I have to pee" You tease. "I'll just pee my pants"

He scrunched his nose. "Okay maybe no pissing on my seats"

"Too late, I make no promises" 

"You're funny. I like it" 

"Oh, uh, thank you" You blush looking down at your hands, suddenly finding the nail polish on them very interesting. 

"So, tell me about yourself"

You groan. "That's like the worst way to get to know someone!"

"How is that the worst way to get to know someone? It's such a simple question!" He argued. 

"Oh it absolutely isn't! It's like the worst question they ask you at job interviews, I never know what they want to hear!"

He laughed loudly and you couldn't help but laugh with him. His head tilting back slightly. "Okay well what do you want me to know about you?"

"Oh fuck that seems even harder... Let me think about that for a moment" You said, and he let you. You sat in silence for a few minutes while you racked your brain for anything you thought was maybe interesting enough about yourself to tell him. 

"I like taking pictures?" You say, catching a side glance at him.

"What do you like to take pictures of?" He asked without a beat, his fingers tapping against the steering wheel.

"Anything really, I journal them often"

"You journal them?"

"Yeah, I tape them into a notebook, with kind of like a diary entry about whatever I wanna write about, and then I'll say something about the pictures and then cover the page with stickers and doodles"

"Are you gunna put the pictures of me in there?"

Your heart squeezed. "Yeah I might" you admit "You gunna be jealous if I don't?"

"My heart would be absolutely crushed princess" He said while taking one hand off of the wheel to clutch at his heart.

Princess. 

A small giggled bubbled in your chest, and a snort escaped amongst the laugh you let out. 

"What a wonderful sound that is" he said with a dreamy sounding sigh.

"What is?"

"Your laugh" he said turning to glance at you. 

#hellfiremunsonn #hellfiremunsonn stuckwithme #eddie #stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things fic #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x reader #Eddie Munson fic #Eddie Munson x you #eddie munson x female reader

[illseeyouinidaho]

Learning to talk

How do you begin to write about what it was that we had? What we still have, in another form, its forms perhaps differently perceived, it’s all timing, my parents got that right, I’m re-iterating last night’s conversation, It’s still stuck in my head. They hugged me and told me it was okay, that they understood, that they, in part, agreed. I could say that I realized it all yesterday, but I knew before that, and I knew it all before I met them, that I was never ready, still the wet blanket constricting my chest, still the spits and sputters of an old engine, the mumblings of an old man, frail, and left with half-memories, severed-recollections. I’ve been watching the shadows flicker across my walls to the tune of a single flame, burning on whale blubber, emitting a sweet thickness. They, the flickers, jump and scream and cry and love, they love and love and love. Now, I don’t think I can ever say that it’s the simple things that I cherish. Simple things are comfortable things. And I’d happily forfeit those all.

When you run out of tea bags, and you can’t find the motivation to drink the boiling water on its own, thoughts fill the crevices of which the tea once filled. The pauses in my writing, I would think dully, drink the tea, feel it warm my chest then reside, I would continue. I used to swim with the fishes, and those warm ocean waters are all that I muse on. I chew, and I chew, and the tiredness of digestion makes my eyes sleepy and moist. The subtle pain in my eyes after waking, how I must close them hard to clear the gunk of last night’s deep slumber. Did those same fish appear, in my dreams, whispering old tales?

The other day I held a broken wing in my palm, faint flutters and whimpers along with it. Today I held a phone in my palm, tears, exhales, punches in the gut, a siren. Not all phone calls end with an I Love You, this I know well. What is a boy to do? You spoke of prophecies and old doctrines, scripture, dogma. Of rose thorns, from a tree top, 15 inches of hair in its wake. How does it feel from up there? Do you eat ripe figs? Do you sing soft tones to morning doves and they reply with kisses? Your a jukebox, a warship’s captain, a gas giant.

I sat alone in your apartment after having received its keys from its summer-time inhabitant. From the view from the window: little boxes filled with light, silhouettes dancing, dolled and stringed. Did they see me? Knees tucked into submission on the low sofa, still laughing about the stump and crib. A summer’s past and still canned cherries remain in their container, dried noodles in the cabinet, and kosher salt. When you make your homecoming, you’ll surely forage the remains. “Welcome to UWS - sjc”

When I was with you, I forgot how to speak. Your words hurdled at me like arrows, soaked in perfume and sweet wine. When you were wrong you wouldn’t concede until we were both worn down, breathless, ragged, and at times, left with nothing else but the need to hold each other. Your words were an impenetrable forcefield, they fogged my brain with relentless elegance, a wraparound blue-tinted fortress.

When you loved as hard as I did, there isn’t much to say. And so I sat tight, eyes wandering or either staring at a fixed point, when you ended things for the last time. What could I say? What do you say? I never had any idea. There was only one thing I knew for certain; I loved you so endlessly, so entirely. There was at times nothing else worth knowing, saying.

Sing me to sleep, to death: a fiddles’ choir, a low hum, a droning wind. Mother, I feel the dirt coming over me now. Rust of purple hue—the color of bruised mushroom stems or violet flower seeped in warm milk—covers my chest in a thin film.

Resentment was what I felt at times. Resentment of the rejection, the voice of painful truth, on my shoulder, through it all. You spoke so softly to me, little friend, re-iterating, as she would, that this could never be, that we’re better off elsewhere in both time and love and war. That the timing was never right. That you were not what she truly needed. That you were more in love. Not that you loved more. That you were more, so beautifully, might I add, in love. More attracted, more foolish, less desired. Why did I agree? Why did I not fight it? *

Please don’t try to make sense of it, look back try to tie the ends, fit the pieces, or believe what one would tell their peers about how it ended, how it was, the summary, the practiced dialogue, the kiss of death. Letting it be, letting it all be, is the greatest gift of love that you can show me.

Where cherry flowers once fell, decayed, and returned to the soil, I pick my head up from the grass and in front of me is a small clover patch. It’s the size of my palm and is soaking up sunlight from the opening between the branches of the tree, the tallest of the bunch moving ever so slightly from the breeze. When you see the sunlight disappear, in exchange for a dull shadow, over a patch of earth in which you might reside, do you feel melancholic? Within the same instance of time, the patch of clover floods my brain with serotonin, and then is enveloped in this soft shadowy blanket.

It was yesterday, technically, 12 or 1am, when I sent you a voice memo outside of a Fire Island yacht club, high from shrooms that me and my uncle took. I was absolutely ecstatic after coming to a beautiful epiphany about the absurd microcosm of the universe that I was witnessing. Dancing along with a girl from Australia and her boyfriend, my uncle, and his wife’s sister, or something like that, I started laughing uncontrollably, smiling from cheek to cheek, watching the scene unfolding in front of me. It was just too funny, too amazing, too perfect. I wandered outside to the club’s patio in order to view the scene from the window. It was then that I realized the implications of this hilariousness, and the greater ideas surrounding this feeling. It wasn’t that the scene was hilarious outright, it was that I had no ways to describe the true absurdity of it all, the beauty of it. This was when I decided to pull out my phone and tell you all about what I witnessed. There is no way to truly describe beauty, I said. Beauty is either sad, or hilarious. (I can’t say I agree with this fully now but it was the truth of the universe at the time). When we were together (together generally), I said, there was no need to describe something as it was, and then assure the other of how not to take that description as something else. “This is like this, but not on its surface level this". Of course there was no need, but we did it as a formality, you mostly. This was what I said to you, and I only half-way agree with this. It’s true, that we never needed to clarify what we meant when speaking of others, but when describing our relationship, clarification was absolutely necessary. Clarification was necessary, but rarely taken seriously. You could clarify something that could be taken as something hurtful, but just the fact that it could be taken as hurtful was often times hurtful enough. Or perhaps you had to clarify something that could be taken as too affectionate, or something of the sort, out of fear of its implications, or intolerance of me believing anything other than what our relationship actually was. This fear however was never resolved, no matter what you assured me of. This fear that I was unknowing of how you felt, unaware of our circumstances, was an old relic of a time where I did truly not know how you felt, unaware of our circumstances.

Why did I not fight it?”* This is a question of why I wasn’t confident enough, or why I was too weak to truly try to change your mind about something, make you love me more, like in the movies, or something. I think it started in September of last year, when I started feeling the fear of “disgust.” This fear stemmed from after our first break-up, in that park, on that bench, not too far from where you brought me for our last break-up. If I try too much, love you too much, be too affectionate, or what have you, I would simply push you away, cause you to feel disgusted. This wasn’t totally irrational at the time. It was after three-weeks of when this was probably true, it was a break that toed the line between “everything is going to be okay,” and “I’m going to be broken up with,” the outcome was a toss-up. This also stemmed from the time where we swore to be friends, that it would be better for us, and I believed you. And between that time and including this writing, I am in constant fear that you’ll be disgusted with me. Of course, this is a strong word, and the idea is pretty irrational in general. However it's a feeling that guided me through our time together, and I want to bury it forever.

I’m on a bullet train heading both forward and back in time, watching the colors swarm around me, and letting it leave a soft blanket of red, yellow, and the shade of a bare stone cliff worn by the elements. What’s that feeling you get when viewing the mile long field of small yellow and white flowers on the side of a highway? It’s surely not the same feeling the dark pine trees give you, or the rolling fields of the amish country, long barn, grass fields pregnant with seeds for the next season’s harvest. I ask myself, what is this bitterness? What is this bitterness in a world so ready to hug me and show me love? But it took me 20 years to love you. Am I fully ready to let it?

In this town of 30%-off flower shops, deer crossing signs, and white hippy trash, I wonder what a place like this would give me. My sister left home because she needed to create new memories, new ideas, and new conceptions of the world after her breakup. History repeats itself and is making me ask still, if not me then who, if not now then when? Tight streets, hard turns, yellow street lines, volunteered town libraries. Barns rotting from their foundations; gentrification will probably never reach here. 

Sometimes I can feel the warmth of chest and stomach against the skin above it. Like my organs are working overtime and in turn producing an unexpected heat. Sometimes I roll over in bed and imagine you’re there, in the white ocean, with the fish. The alarm is ringing and I hop out of bed quickly to turn it off and promptly retreat to the warm of the covers; you’re breathing gently. Somedays, like today, I miss everything about you. And days like today I’ll think kindly and with love, of you, and I’ll wish you well, soldier.

In my book of life where do you fit, take residence? I wonder if years from now we’ll give it a try. Or maybe I’ll meet someone who loves me how I need to be loved, like you would say, assuring me that your romantic suggestions had no implications, and me telling you that it’s only you that I want.

My dad says he remembers his first marriage as much as he does a good book. It feels like a dream, he says, something that you read about, or lived through in another life. I told my parents that I’ll marry quick once I’ve found the one, that I’ll know it when I feel it. We’ll see about that in time, I suppose.

We made something to be proud of.

Upward, into the abyss, the blue void, the moon is shining proudly against the sea. From here I can hear the whispers of love’s death and rebirth as street lights emit their florescent hues toward me: dinner tables, a new Danish TV drama. Onward, light speed, you super-sonic engine, roar-on, big beast. From here, memories of you jump out at me like photographs, film projections, morning-light against suspended dust. From here I can already see the cold, the fallen leaves and morning’s branch candied by last night’s icy wind. After it, the winter’s thaw and melt, the feast, the turkey leg’s sweet marrow sucked from its bone. City centers sprawl like a fallen snowflake, a mycelial network, a crushed spider’s sprawling legs, single lane highways like an ant trail, they to the mother hive, with their best offerings.

Tell me ol’ tavern fiddler, will you, of edible arrangements, mood boards, and words that rhyme with happy birthday, babe. Sing a song, good chap, (I’ll pour another), of what it takes to be the man, the top dawg, the big guy. 

So watch me crash down to earth. The LEDs are harsher down here. There are last stops and sore throats, blue seats and blue people doing blue things. They think of their first love, first heartbreak, or first kiss, and imagine what could’ve been, doing one of those frown-smiles. They think of their coworker, the one they want to fuck, or the ones they want to love and be loved by. They’ll dust off their skeletons, scrape the rust from their lips, and kiss the pebbles they skip.

[comeon-harry]

Spent part of my day off re-reading harry profiles and these were some of the things that struck me:

- he really loves to take reporters cold water swimming

- he must have so much clothing and bags and everything like I’d pay good money to see his wardrobe/ where they’re all kept

- this quote  “ You can't win music. It's not like Formula One," he said. "I was like, in my lifetime, there will be 10 more people who burst onto the scene in that way, and I'm only going to get further away from being the young thing. So, get comfortable with finding something else that makes you happy. I just found that so liberating."  (BHG)  And yet he just seems to still be getting bigger.

- he really does revert back to the same images and phrases like “bowling with the bumpers up” it’s no surprise he did the same things when he was lost for words at the grammys

- it’s kind of insane the amount of details about people that he remembers considering he must meet so many people all the time and it really is a sign that he pays attention to people, he cares about the interactions

- lol at his curiosity to just learn, even if it’s about how magazine deadlines work

-  “ He thinks hard about love, shame, honesty, and the importance of kindness and therapy. And he worries. He worries about how he can be one of the biggest pop stars in the world, the kind who can be everything for his fans while also being a great son, brother, friend, and partner to the people standing beside him.” (RS)

- I LOVE HIS CURIOUSITY AND DESIRE TO LEARN EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING AND ABOUT HIMSELF

-  “Styles is not the most online person — he uses Instagram to look at plants and architecture posts, has never had the TikTok app, and calls Twitter “a shitstorm of people trying to be awful to people” (RS) — but he’s still aware of how those small, toxic corners of the internet are treating the people closest to him.” all of this! I want to know what plants he likes, what plant pages does he follow, what kind of architecture does he like, i want to hear him say the words shitstorm, how difficult it must be to have this group of people who have allowed you to do this job you adore but it comes with having a portion of this group be downright cruel to the people you love most around you

-  “It’s obviously a difficult feeling to feel like being close to me means you’re at the ransom of a corner of Twitter or something,” (RS)

-  “ He thought about going completely off the grid while making it: maybe get a flip phone, stop making music. “The reality is you get there on the first day and wait around for 75 percent of it,” he says. “And it’s like, ‘Actually I’m going to text my mate.’ ” (RS) - so relatable lol this is me. the desire to be kind of artsy and cut off from the world but the reality is it’s kind of a pain and kind of boring

- he’s so funny wearing those beat up shoes with the heels squashed down in all the pictures along with all these fancy clothes like how do those conversations go 

- he had the whole my policeman part memorised before the audition

- i’d love to see him play the piano on stage. i’d love to see how much he’s improved

- someone who is “inexplicably difficult to casually enjoy” that sounds right

- he watches love island which idk why this surprised me like we know he watches the RHOBH and i want to hear all of his thoughts

#thoughts #myself talking to myself

[12thgirl]

man you know how some people are just so easy to talk to...i feel like i am the Opposite of that um how do you just like.....have things to say

#having a conversation with me if we;re not close friends must be so painful... #its not that im not a good listener its that i am just constantly no thoughts head empty. i have nothing good to say and i accidentally al #always end the conversation as soon as i possibly can #I DONT EVEN HAVE ANXIETY THATS NOT MY PROBLEM i just literally hate everything that comes out of my mouth <3 i dont want to make people spe #speak with me<3 #halfway through a sentence i will realize No One Cares and lose all ability for thought #and i feel so dumbbbbbbbbbbbb like #going to work the last two weekends just heightens it like my coworker came and complimented my 'vulcan eyebrows' because i shave t #them off mostly and draw them on and he starts talking about pointed ears and how theres a cosmetic surgery you can get #and im like omg no way yessss i want to get piercings on the tops of my ears to make em look pointy but ok go off buT LIKE??? HE DOESNT #CARE THAT I WANT EAR PIERCINGS???? this sounds so superficial but constantly i just feel so dumb and unworthwhile unless im demonstrating my #🤪superiority when we start talking about something i care about and i talk for two straight minutes and THEN realize no one cares #AND i sound pretentious #my boss asked about my purple hair and how it fades and i realize i just have this problem with???? not being able to be concise like i am s #so eager to offer information without thinking that it takes me forever to get to my point and i sound so dumb in the process!! and then i s #shut down and dont want to say anything like omgjfkhbgfdbhgjbvf i cant WIN why dont you think before you open your mouth!!! #like this is what i mean when i say it must be literally so difficult to have a conversation with me. i swear im fun and interesting im just #BROKEN OR SOMETHING #i talk my way through four topics and dont make a single point and then i stare blankly like im so sorry you have to talk to me rn #EVEN NOW IM INCAPABLE OF BEING CONCISE AND NOT TALKING IN CIRCLES SHUUUUUT UP #my roommate asks me one question and im like UM well this but also this but i think this but you can do this too but well this OH yea that<3 #because i dont stop for a second and process the question before replying i dont form an answer i just speak until i feel like ive given eno #enough information but i SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT IN THE PROCESS all the time literally all the time <3 #anyway whatever i just genuinley envy people who are naturally outgoing and capable of carrying conversations so much..why is my brain actua #actually just Empty. #or all the thoughts are SOO unworthwhile like no one cares about the thing you want to buy WHATEVERRRRR #op #:( sigh

[vivacissimx]

Jon's bastard identity & it's ripples through House Stark

Wanted to make a post about Jon's bastard identity and how it informed his close relationships with his family but halfway through realized it wasn't actually about Jon—it was about Catelyn.

There is generally a split in consideration when we talk about Jon and the starklings (familial love), Jon and Catelyn (mutual disdain), and Catelyn and the starklings (parental/filial love) when in reality, Cat's feelings towards Jon bled into her relationships with her own children. Conversations about mothers in ASOIAF are sort of prickly because, well, we don't have many and Catelyn is the only POV mom we can really name a "good mother" (in my view Cersei's most impressive and meaningful foil is ADWD Daenerys but her and Catelyn share enough space/thoughts of each other that they should also be considered so).

Her relationship with Jon isn't really about Jon personally, it's about what he represents; it's about Catelyn lingering discomfort and alienation in the North

Catelyn had never liked this godswood

-AGOT, Catelyn I

When the wars were over at last, and Catelyn rode to Winterfell, Jon and his wet nurse had already taken up residence. That cut deep.

-AGOT, Catelyn II

It's about her protective love for her children and her legacy

Benjen Stark was a Sworn Brother. Jon would be a son to him, the child he would never have. And in time the boy would take the oath as well. He would father no sons who might someday contest with Catelyn's own grandchildren for Winterfell.

-AGOT, Catelyn II

[Also the implication that Benjen would become Jon's father in replacement for Ned? Loads to unpack.]

It's also about a certain sort of idealism that Catelyn espouses, and yes, even a certain trace of selfishness within that, that her actions being understandable from her own position justifies them. Even when those actions constitute a breach, they deserve nuance, which requires a level of understanding she wasn't able to show Jon Snow.

I have always done my duty, she thought. Perhaps that was why her lord father had always cherished her best of all his children. [...] I gave Brandon my favor to wear, and never comforted Petyr once after he was wounded, nor bid him farewell when Father sent him off. And when Brandon was murdered and Father told me I must wed his brother, I did so gladly, though I never saw Ned's face until our wedding day. I gave my maidenhood to this solemn stranger and sent him off to his war and his king and the woman who bore him his bastard, because I always did my duty.

-ACOK, Catelyn VI

Is this my punishment for opposing him about Jon Snow? Or for being a woman, and worse, a mother? It took her a moment to realize that they were all watching her. They had known, she realized. Catelyn should not have been surprised. She had won no friends by freeing the Kingslayer, and more than once she had heard the Greatjon say that women had no place on a battlefield.

-ASOS, Catelyn V

Read: Catelyn was rewarded for being dutiful at a formative age, with the love of her father. Catelyn was dutiful to Ned and this pained her re: Jon and that pain festered for fifteen years. Later in this POV, she pries Cleos Frey for information on Sansa. Her next POV, Bran and Rickon are the final straw before she frees Jaime—Catelyn is knowingly spurring her "duty" to follow Robb's commands.

Read: Catelyn should not have been surprised, understanding that her actions caused controversy, and yet she was.

Ok, now onto the starklings.

Catelyn's treatment of Jon informs Robb's understanding of bastards as much as Ned's sense of honor does. This is very much a domino in Robb's (fatal) choice to marry Jeyne Westerling.

That morning he called it first. "I'm Lord of Winterfell!" he cried, as he had a hundred times before. Only this time, this time, Robb had answered, "You can't be Lord of Winterfell, you're bastard-born. My lady mother says you can't ever be the Lord of Winterfell."

-ASOS, Jon XII

Robb knew something was wrong. "My mother …"

"She was … very kind," Jon told him.

Robb looked relieved.

-AGOT, Jon II

And she was with me when the Greatjon brought me the news of . . . of Winterfell. Bran and Rickon." He seemed to have trouble saying his brothers' names. "That night, she. . . she comforted me, Mother."

Catelyn did not need to be told what sort of comfort Jeyne Westerling had offered her son. "And you wed her the next day."

He looked her in the eyes, proud and miserable all at once. "It was the only honorable thing to do. She's gentle and sweet, Mother, she will make me a good wife."

-ASOS, Catelyn II

Contrast that with these Jon lines:

Jon trembled. "I will never father a bastard," he said carefully. "Never!" He spat it out like venom.

-AGOT, Jon I

He had never truly been a Stark, only Lord Eddard's motherless bastard, with no more place at Winterfell than Theon Greyjoy. And even that he'd lost.

-ASOS, Jon III

Jon angsts over how he grew up with Robb and yet they'll lead such different lives; on the flip side, Robb angsts over how he could possibly subject another child to the most painful parts of Jon's life—nameless, at times scorned even within his own home.

I'm not attempting to put blame on Catelyn's shoulders for anything, these are all just pieces of a puzzle that made Robb into who he was, that guided his choices, and that moved the story. What I am saying is that Catelyn's treatment of Jon was not isolated, it was plain and painful to her biological children, and that this caused friction between them all.

"Jon would never harm a son of mine."

"No more than Theon Greyjoy would harm Bran or Rickon?"

Grey Wind leapt up atop King Tristifer's crypt, his teeth bared. Robb's own face was cold. "That is as cruel as it is unfair. Jon is no Theon."

"So you pray. Have you considered your sisters? What of their rights? I agree that the north must not be permitted to pass to the Imp, but what of Arya? By law, she comes after Sansa. . . your own sister, trueborn. . ."

-ASOS, Catelyn V

Which brings me to Sansa.

In a twist for the daughter that values legitimacy more than the rest of her siblings (Sansa, who never called him anything but "my half brother" since she was old enough to understand what bastard meant), Sansa is bastardized two times over. Once when Robb removes her from her from the Stark succession, and twice when she becomes Alayne Stone.

"Natural?" Sansa was aghast. "You mean, a bastard?"

-ASOS, Sansa VI

Alayne wondered what Mya made of Ser Lothor. With his squashed nose, square jaw, and nap of woolly grey hair, Brune could not be called comely, but he was not ugly either. It is a common face but an honest one. Though he had risen to knighthood, Ser Lothor's birth had been very low. [...] Petyr says he's loyal. He trusts him as much as he trusts anyone. Brune would be a good match for a bastard girl like Mya Stone, she thought.

-AFFC, Alayne II

I want to stress that this isn't thought unkindly. Sansa pragmatically believes this, she doesn't dislike either Mya or Lothor Brune, but she is being a certain type of realistic. It would make sense to her that Mya, not a virgin, bastard-born, would take for a partner this seemingly nice guy twice her age. It's a match that makes sense to Sansa.

"It won't be so bad, Sansa," Arya said. "We're going to sail on a galley. It will be an adventure, and then we'll be with Bran and Robb again, and Old Nan and Hodor and the rest." She touched her on the arm.

"Hodor!" Sansa yelled. "You ought to marry Hodor, you're just like him, stupid and hairy and ugly!"

-AGOT, Sansa III

It would have been easier if Arya had been a bastard, like their half brother Jon. She even looked like Jon, with the long face and brown hair of the Starks, and nothing of their lady mother in her face or her coloring. And Jon's mother had been common, or so people whispered. Once, when she was littler, Sansa had even asked Mother if perhaps there hadn't been some mistake. Perhaps the grumkins had stolen her real sister.

-AGOT, Sansa I

This isn't about playing sisters against each other, it's just to show Alayne's thoughts on Mya are a graduation of the same general attitude Sansa's had from childhood. It's the hinge on which Sansa and Arya's relationship becomes so sour, a souring that leaves both girls isolated in the Red Keep, and results in them taking actions that lead them on very different roads. The lone wolf dies but the pack survives.

Arya is the place where Catelyn's relationship with Jon really comes back to bite, though.

They had always been close. Jon had their father's face, as she did. They were the only ones. Robb and Sansa and Bran and even little Rickon all took after the Tullys, with easy smiles and fire in their hair. When Arya had been little, she had been afraid that meant that she was a bastard too. It had been Jon she had gone to in her fear, and Jon who had reassured her.

-AGOT, Arya I

Why is Arya afraid of being a bastard? Jon gets to learn at Maester Luwin's table and train with Ser Rodrik's swords and fish with Bran and Jory just like Robb does. What's there to fear?

The fear comes from one place, and that fear doesn't soon leave her.

"Well," Arya said, "my hair's messy and my nails are dirty and my feet are all hard." Robb wouldn't care about that, probably, but her mother would. Lady Catelyn always wanted her to be like Sansa, to sing and dance and sew and mind her courtesies. Just thinking of it made Arya try to comb her hair with her fingers, but it was all tangles and mats, and all she did was tear some out.

-ASOS, Arya VII

Maybe I should go to the Wall instead of Riverrun. Jon wouldn't care who I killed or whether I brushed my hair. . .

-ASOS, Arya VII

Actually Catelyn wants Arya back so damn bad she freed their God-tier hostage on the vague whiff of hope Arya was still alive but this isn't about what Catelyn really wants, it's about what Arya believes + what those beliefs are founded on. Jon's difference from Catelyn's kids lies most superficially in the way he looks, and Arya looks like him. Arya takes this "exclusion → exclusion based on appearance → I appear that way" fear personally to the point that she thinks she looks like a bastard.

It's because of this fear that she can't fathom that her mother would accept her unconditionally.

To Robb, bastardry symbolizes a stain on a legacy. To Sansa, it's shame. To Arya, it's about acceptance. All three of these are rooted in what they internalized as kids: Jon is a bastard and regardless of his place in Winterfell/their family, that makes him less.

I want to touch on the part of this that is about Jon, for a sec. Bastards are common and attitudes on them vary—although plenty of smallfolk are born of unwed parents, noble bastards represent something more, because nobility claims to espouse higher ideals like fidelity. Mance Rayder is born of a Black Brother & a wildling, yet he calls Jon a bastard (derogatory) fiftyleven times. Some bastards are scorned, some are loved, some are uninterested in their origins. There are bastards who possibly stand to inherit, like Jonos Bracken's, and there are mothers who don't want their husband's bastards in their homes, like Donella Hornwood with Larence Snow.

But in ADWD when Jon is most vulnerable & alone, he starts to calls himself a bastard to harden his resolve.

"I am almost a man grown," Jon protested. "I will turn fifteen on my next name day, and Maester Luwin says bastards grow up faster than other children."

-AGOT, Jon I

Kill the boy, Jon thought. The boy in you, and the one in him. Kill the both of them, you bloody bastard. "You have no father. Only brothers.

-ADWD, Jon II

The Vale of Arryn was famously fertile and had gone untouched during the fighting. Jon wondered how Lady Catelyn's sister would feel about feeding Ned Stark's bastard. As a boy, he often felt as if the lady grudged him every bite.

-ADWD, Jon IV

"Arya." His voice was hoarse. "My half-sister, truly…"

"…for you are bastard born. I had not forgotten. I have seen your sister in my fires, fleeing from this marriage they have made for her. Coming here, to you. A girl in grey on a dying horse, I have seen it plain as day. It has not happened yet, but it will."

-ADWD, Jon VI

"My name is Snow."

"Bastard."

"Guilty. Of that, at least."

-ADWD, Jon X

Not to put too fine a point on it but he's literally called... Lord Snow.

"Don't call me Lord Snow."

-AGOT, Jon III

"BOY! YOU THERE! BOY!" [...] He ignored it.

"Snow," the voice insisted, "Lord Commander."

This time he stopped. "Ser?"

-ADWD, Jon I

What I want to say here is that Jon weaponizes his bastard identity against himself only because it's been weaponized against him and worked. It's self-flagellation. That legacy is deep inside of him and it was never even about him to Catelyn.

But it's a double-edged sword, because Jon's differentiation as a bastard didn't only affect him. Home interprets heaven. When Lady Catelyn crafted a home (so intentionally warm and loving for her children) that was dismissive to Jon, it wasn't only the two of them in that home. It wasn't only Jon who learned that children can be anathema, and it isn't only Jon who carries that weight.

#catelyn stark #jon snow #robb stark #arya stark #sansa stark #jonsnowmonth2022 #text #asoiaf #valyrianscrolls #excluded bran but ooh boy that post would be LONG

[gamerwoo]

[Tales from the Pack] Joshua: Second Chance (Part One)

Characters: Joshua x female reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, fantasy, angst, possible character death, a little bit of fluff but it’s like angsty fluff

Word count: 1,837

Summary: After his mate died, Joshua always blamed himself and never wanted to imprint again. However, fate has other ideas when he meets you: a young, energetic werecoyote that’s quite the opposite of him. He insists he doesn’t want a new mate – nobody’s even sure if he’s ready for a new one – but he can’t ignore his instincts.

Next | Second Chance Masterlist

a/n: things in bold are in english. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!! hi i know everyone has been awaiting this series from tftp in particular. and while i wish i could say im updating this regularly,,,,,i cannot. there’s no definite update schedule, im just doing it when i can. i wanted to wait until i had all the parts written but im impatient. but i hope you’ll enjoy this series even with the slow updates, and i hope it lives up to expectations 💜

“Where’re we going?” Joshua grumbled as he followed slightly behind Hansol and Kyung, the younger boy’s hand wrapped around hers.

Joshua was going with them to the doctor without actually knowing. Kyung knew better than to tell him before they left because she figured the grumpy werewolf would just tell her no, not really caring whether he was unable to heal or not -- even though that was very clearly a bad sign that he had overexerted himself.

Kyung thought maybe Joshua would be a little less...angry all the time once she got to know him, but Joshua was stubborn well before he’d even met her -- he was just bad at shoving his stubbornness and anger down.

“I promised I’d get my back fixed if Kyung decided to stay, and you said you’d go if I went, didn’t you?” Hansol reminded his brother with a smirk over his shoulder. “We’re gonna go see that doctor we were told about. What was her name again?”

“Minjee,” Kyung replied. “Not to sound rude but...Josh, why don’t you want to see a doctor?”

“I don’t really care if I can heal or not either way,” he replied flatly, “but I said I’d get help if Hansol did. So...here we are.”

“Here we are...” she repeated in a mumble.

Joshua simply followed the mated couple in silence as the alpha led them to Minjee’s, being the first to knock on the door. It was a girl -- as expected -- that opened the door, bowing politely to the group before smiling brightly at the darker skinned girl in front of them.

“Kyung!” she exclaimed as she gestured the three of them in. “I haven’t seen you in so long -- I suppose that’s a good thing, though. How’ve you been? Your pack hasn’t mentioned you.”

“I’m not actually in that pack anymore,” Kyung told her with a shrug, her ‘cool’ exterior coming back in the presence of an old friend. “I’m an alpha of my mate’s pack now.”

Minjee seemed impressed, eyebrows raising with a smile, “Wow, look at you. How’d the sudden change happen? Jiung must be proud.”

“He’s actually...passed away.”

The doctor’s face fell, placing a comforting hand on your upper arm, “I’m sorry for the loss of your brother.”

Kyung nodded, “I’ve been grieving, but it’s been easier with my mate. Minjee, this is Hansol, and his brother -- er, our brother, I guess -- Joshua.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Hansol said as he nodded to her. “Our brother, Soonyoung came in before with a human girl to talk about fixing us -- I’ve got silver burned into my back, and Joshua’s the healer that can’t heal anymore.”

“Ah, yes, the healer!” Minjee’s eyes lit up as she nodded excitedly. She looked to Joshua now. “Your power still hasn’t come back?”

“No,” he replied. “I thought just resting would help but...nothing.”

“I see,” she hummed, eyeing him over before looking back at Kyung like she was their mother that took them to the doctor’s office. “I’ll do a quick look over and then see what I can do. It’s almost time for me to close up, and I have to go out of town for a few days. I won’t be able to do anything until about a week from now, but they’ll be fine until then if they’ve been fine this long.”

“That’s okay,” Hansol shrugged as Joshua replied, “No worries.”

“Alright,” Minjee breathed with a warm smile, grabbing some gloves from nearby, “then let’s get started and see what’s going on.”

-

Even though you were never careful, you wanted to blame this on shitty luck. You were too carefree and excitable, so you ran and ran and didn’t see the trap. So with you trapped under a net with little prickles that you were sure were laced with wolfsbane from how fucking awful you felt -- that was an understatement -- all you could do was wait for hunters to come find you before death took you itself. Honestly, you hoped the latter would come first.

You faintly heard footsteps coming toward you as your vision went out of focus, your eyelids becoming too heavy to keep up. You sensed a presence beside you, the body crouching down to get a better look at you.

“What do we have here?” a female-sounding voice asked, but it sounded far away and muffled to you. “Is this another werewolf?”

“I can’t tell,” another female voice replied in a sigh. “Sura, do you have any ideas?”

“Doesn’t smell like werewolf to me,” a male voice said. “It definitely is some kind of were-creature, though. This thing wreaks of wolfsbane and it’s clearly affecting her. I’d say...coyote, maybe?”

One of the women sucked in a breath between their teeth before saying, “Prajya, help me get this net off of her -- it’ll be heavy but I’m afraid to let Sura touch it.”

Slowly, you felt the weight of the net being lifted off of you. You could also feel every little barb stuck in you being pulled out, and you whimpered softly from the stinging pain that covered your body.

“Minjee, will she make it?” the second girl asked as you were lifted into warm arms.

“No,” the male replied, “probably not.”

“The house isn’t far from here,” the first girl insisted. “We just have to hurry.”

But you were out cold before they even took the first step.

-

Josh and Hansol weren’t really sure why so many people wanted to go with them into town that night for them to finally get fixed. Suvi was understandable since she just enjoyed going into town, and Soomin made sense since she was basically their resident know-it-all when it came to werewolves. However, Wonwoo wanting to tag along was weird because Wonwoo didn’t like leaving the house, much less going into town. They figured maybe it was because he wanted to make sure Soomin would be alright, but she was already going to be with two werewolves and a girl who had gone into town plenty of times. She was in good hands, but whatever made Wonwoo happy.

“Are you nervous?” Suvi wondered, looking up between Hansol and Joshua as she walked.

“I don’t know how they’re going to fix my back, so that’s a little concerning,” Hansol decided, “but I’m more excited.”

Joshua just shrugged, “Eh, not really.”

“Try not to be so excited, huh,” Wonwoo commented.

Joshua did like his power. He liked that he was able to help people with it. However, it didn’t benefit him -- as in, it didn’t make his own personal healing any better than anybody else’s in the pack -- and it wouldn’t be needed if his pack wasn’t so stupid and got themselves hurt. It wasn’t fun like Seokmin’s or Chan’s or Kyung’s, and it wasn’t interesting like Jihoon’s or Soonyoung’s or Hansol’s or Minghao’s. It was boring -- kind of like Wonwoo’s or Seungcheol’s.

Suvi was the first up to the door, knocking before she took a step back to wait. The door was answered by Minjee -- as always -- who greeted them with an almost pained smile.

“Hello,” she greeted them. “Before you come in, I’d like to apologize. My partners and I have just gotten home, and one of our patients... Well, she won’t make it.”

Now that she’d mentioned it, the wolves could just barely hear the faint, slowing heartbeat from inside the house. But they could also smell that it wasn’t the typical werewolf. It was something they’d never smelled before, but it still wasn’t completely human.

Joshua also picked up on a scent that was very familiar but also so very different from anything he’d smelled before.

“We’re just trying to ease her pain until she passes,” Minjee continued, letting the small group into the house. She turned to look at somebody else who was helping with the aforementioned girl. “Sura, could you put a curtain up around her? Prajya, I’ll need you to help me with--”

Minjee stopped when she noticed Joshua stop in the doorway, his body going rigid. His golden eyes were spotting red and locked on you, hands balled into fists.

You were dying; his mate was dying. Again.

“Josh...?” Wonwoo spoke up, placing a hand on the older boy’s shoulder.

Joshua’s thoughts and opinions on re-imprinting were out the window when it registered that the girl quickly losing her life was his mate. The only thing he could focus on was you and saving you -- but he only knew one way how.

“She’s not dying,” he stated, walking straight through the small crowd and over to you where your pulse was just a moment away from completely dying out.

“What?” Minjee asked, watching him as he approached you with a set jaw and narrowed eyes.

“I’m not going to let her die,” he said louder, letting his hands hover above your body.

Joshua was too focused on trying to somehow get his powers to come back to him that he wasn’t paying any attention to Hansol and Wonwoo’s conversation over their surprise of their brother imprinting for a second time. Truthfully, nobody thought anybody would come after Lilly since Josh was so against it. But then again, imprinting wasn’t something any werewolf could control. 

Joshua mumbled to himself as he tried to will his power back. He was concentrating so hard but nothing was happening. No faint glow from his palms, no color coming back to your face, and your heartbeat was still rapidly decreasing by the second. It wouldn’t be long until it was gone all together, and then there would be nothing he could do.

“C’mon...c’mon...” he grumbled, closing his eyes as his eyebrows creased together in concentration.

“Your powers won’t suddenly work,” Minjee spoke up, watching from where she stood by his pack, wanting to give the werewolf space -- especially since she was preparing for him to be grieving for the mate he’d lose before actually having her.

“They have to!” he snapped.

He refused to lose you. If he lost two mates -- even if he didn’t properly meet or know you -- he was sure he wouldn’t be able to take it.

With his last bit of energy he had in his body, his palms faintly glowed to life, spreading a tingling warmth across your body. His healing power was starting to cleanse the wolfsbane from your system, and your heartbeat was starting to become stronger and more stable. Hearing your heartbeat louder in his ears made Josh want to cry. But he didn’t have the energy for it.

As you let out a cough and a girl with brown skin rushed over to sit you up so you could empty your system, Joshua collapsed onto the floor, knowing you were alive and would hopefully stay alive. He put his everything into saving you, and he didn’t know if that would kill him, but he knew it was worth it.

#seventeen #joshua #joshua hong #seventeen au #seventeen imagine #seventeen scenario #seventeen oneshot #seventeen fanfic #seventeen x reader #werewolf!seventeen #joshua au #joshua imagine #joshua scenario #joshua oneshot #joshua fanfic #joshua x reader #werewolf!joshua #joshua hong au #joshua hong imagine #joshua hong scenario #joshua hong oneshot #joshua hong fanfic #joshua hong x reader #werewolf!joshua hong

[dracowars]

Hii if your requests are open can u do one where the reader and draco are married and he wants to have kids but she keeps avoiding it and saying they should wait a bit longer. And then they end up talking and the reader confesses she scared of going through pregnancy because it just sounds so painful and that when she was younger she was a little chubby and it took her forever to lose that weight so she’s also scared of gaining weight and being undesirable after? Just some cute fluff and maybe dad!draco

founding of a family | draco malfoy

pairing: draco x reader

word count: 1,7k

summary: where draco wants to have children, but y/n doesn’t

a/n: uni starts again next week so i try to work on as many requests as i can before that! <3

warnings: angst, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of insecurities regarding weight

universe: harry potter

Draco’s return is announced by the opening and the following closing of the front door and not a second later, he walks over to you into the kitchen, where you are currently busy preparing your dinner. When you hear his footsteps behind you, you turn to him with a smile on your face, even though you briefly get startled at the sight of him. It must have been a very tough day considering the exhausted expression on his handsome face.

“Good evening, darling”, you greet him warmly and put your arms gently on his shoulders, looking deep into his gray eyes that are surrounded by emerging dark circles. Despite everything, he smiles back, exhausted but genuine.

“Hi”, he softly whispers to you and gives you a kiss to greet you while his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you closer to him, the tips of your noses almost touching after the kiss.

“Exhausting day?”, you carefully ask, already searching for an answer in his eyes.

“Yeah, you could say that”, Draco sighs but quickly puts a smile back on again in order to not unsettle you in any way. “Do not look at me like I am about to pass out. Don’t worry, I really am fine. At least now that I am reunited with you. I will be better in no time.”

“Then I will do my best to fulfill my job as a wife today”, you playfully tease him and give him a quick kiss before you go back to making dinner for the both of you, giving him the time he probably needs for himself after a tough day, letting him arrive at home entirely.

He has been coming back stressed and tense from his work as a healer for several weeks now. Apparently, it is the month when most magicians decide to get involved in accidents or need medical treatment. In any case, you do your best to at least relieve him of the burden in the short time you have together.

While you are serving the dinner for tonight – Draco’s favorite meal – he quickly sets up the table and lights the candle in the middle of it next to the bouquet he brought you last week. Even when he is not feeling well, he still manages to bring a smile to your face every day.

You sit down together and enjoy your time, in which you try to not remind him of his work. At least at home he should be allowed to relax and calm down after a stressful day.

“Now that you mention it.. Unfortunately, Harvey is absent next week and I have to double my shifts in the hospital”, Draco explains after listening to you intently about your plans for the upcoming week. The name makes you widen your eyes slightly since Harvey is one of the leading healers at the St Mungo’s Hospital, who has also become a good colleague and friend of Draco.

“Oh, why is that? Is he alright?”

“Yes, his wife is pregnant and they will probably welcome their newborn next week”, Draco says, finishing his plate while noticing out of the corner of his eye how your fork immediately sinks down.

There it is again: the topic. The topic that you absolutely want to avoid, but it feels like you get confronted with it every single week. And each time it ends up with two people getting hurt.

“Oh.. how-how nice”, you put on a fake smile and poke around your food, breaking eye contact with your husband.

“Right? Next week their life will change forever. I bet they can’t wait to welcome their child. Just imagine how their son or daughter will frolic around them, learning something new every day”, Draco enthuses and you can’t tell whether he even notices how much this topic bothers you. Did he not learn anything from your last arguments about pregnancy?

“Draco, please.”

“What?”

“Please stop talking about this again”, you almost beg him, and your heartbeat accelerates in fear that this conversation will soon escalate again.

“What is wrong about it? Every time I want to talk to you about it normally, you immediately become so dismissive, Y/N”, Draco confronts you and you can feel his piercing gaze on you, your hands clenching into fists under the table.

“That’s exactly it! We have talked about it a lot, it is enough”, you counter him, your words coming out harder than you expected.

“We have been married for two years now. Do you not want to see little versions of us walking around here? Or do you just.. do not want to have children with me?”, Draco asks and your head shoots up in an instant, your eyes meeting.

“What? No! It is not that, Draco.”

“Then what is it? I do not feel like arguing about it every single time. I do not want my parents to ask me whether you are already pregnant every time we visit them!”, Draco’s voice gets louder all of a sudden and you can no longer hold back the tears that are forming in your eyes.

“Because I am not ready!”, you yell at him and angrily get up from the table, tears now streaming down your cheeks as you run out of the dining room and into your shared bedroom, loudly slamming the door close behind you. Laying down in bed and snuggling under the thick covers, you let your tears and sobs run free. You press your trembling hands against your chest, feeling your pounding heart against it from the other side. Your blurry gaze falls on your bedside table where your moving wedding photo is placed. Grinning broadly, your former self smiles at the camera and you remember that this must have been the best and happiest day of your life so far.

With a loud sniff, you reach for it and lay it down to save yourself the sight of it. Then, you turn on your back and blankly stare at the ceiling. Until you hear a gentle knock on the door and quickly turn your back towards it.

“Leave me alone.”

“Please, babe. I am sorry.”

The quiet squeaking of the doors tells you that he has come into your bedroom nevertheless, and shortly afterwards you can feel the mattress next to you sink as he sits on it. Not giving him an answer, you hide your face in your hands.

Draco’s heart, on the other hand, breaks at the sight of you. He did not know that this topic really did bother you this much. To say he feels bad is an understatement.

Not quite knowing what he should do, he strokes your back very slowly and carefully, trying to calm you down somehow. While doing so, he does not miss that you turned your wedding photo around.

Although you do not want to admit it and he is actually the person you want to see the least right now, he manages to calm you down and your loud sobs slowly disappear. After he has handed you a handkerchief, you sit up and lean your back against the headboard while his guilty gaze follows your every move.

“I did not mean to hurt you”, Draco begins and even though you avoid his gaze on purpose, you can tell from his voice that he is serious.

“I know. I did not mean to freak out, but this topic.. I am just so incredibly scared, Draco”, you admit, nervously fidgeting with your fingers on your lap, not sure how he will react.

“What? You do not need to be afraid, baby. I am with you”, he assures you and takes your hand in his, briefly letting your wedding rings meet.

“You do not know how a pregnancy works. How much pain and problems it involves. The thought of being pregnant scares me. I can’t take responsibility for such a small human being, I am not in the right position to do so. I know how much you want children, but I just can’t”, you sob, suppressing your re-emerging tears.

“What are you even talking about? Are you listening to what you are saying? Of course you can! You are such a strong woman”, Draco reassures you, but his mere words can’t calm your thoughts either.

“Even if that is the case. Even if I get pregnant, Draco, it will not get any better after that. Then I have to put this tiny little being first and even if I can cope with this, then my body would still be deformed. Pregnancy can do so much damage to the body and.. what if you do not want me anymore? What if am undesirable for you afterwards?”, you explain to him honestly and he listens to you very carefully, now understanding your inner conflict much better than before. He knew about your insecurities.

“You are afraid that I would not love you anymore?”, he repeats your words, not understanding them correctly. “If you would get pregnant, I would love you even more afterwards. I could not think of anything more beautiful than you, no matter what. The way you would hold our child in your arms. It would be the most wonderful moment and you would look gorgeous and so stunning.”

When you suddenly throw yourself around his neck in relief, Draco can barely keep his balance and falls back onto the mattress with you on top of him. He hugs you tight, so tight that he is afraid of crushing you.

“I love you”, you whisper in his ear and by your soft voice he notices that you feel much better than before. Now that you have finally told him. Taking your face in his hands, he looks you straight in the eyes.

“No matter what happens, I will always love you, do you understand?”, Draco makes clear and you nod with a small smile on your lips before gently connecting your lips in a kiss.

“Maybe I am ready for it after all”, you say against his lips and the sudden speechless expression on Draco’s face that follows your words makes you giggle and blush. He crashes his lips against yours right away and turns you around, you now lying under his body. Feeling his smile against your lips, the heavy burden suddenly vanishes from your shoulders and the thought of pregnancy no longer scares you. It suddenly sounds more like something you really want to experience.

With Draco by your side.

Together.

#draco malfoy #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy one shot #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy imagines #draco lucius malfoy #draco malfoy os #draco malfoy fic #draco malfoy ff #draco malfoy angst #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy x reader #draco imagine #draco imagines #draco fluff #draco angst #draco os #draco fic #draco ff #draco fanfiction #draco one shot #draco x y/n #draco x female reader #draco x reader #hp imagine #hp imagines #harry potter imagine #harry potter one shot

[haikyuuuuuhypeeeee]

Ch. Fourteen

⚠WARNING: Swearing

• ────── ✾ ────── •

Waking up is painful. Physically painful, at least. You’re not ready to deal with the emotional pain from yesterday, no thank you.

You finally peel your eyes open, a true struggle considering how they were crusted together. You take in your surroundings and form the first coherent thought of the day.

This isn’t my bedroom.

Your eyes seem to be crusted shut. You sit up and realize that no, this is not your apartment, this is Osamu’s apartment. This is his bed you’re currently sitting up from, his blankets wrapped around you.

You then form your second coherent thought of the day.

His detergent smells really nice.

That thought finishes in your head before it’s slammed aside by the rush of yesterday’s memories - group therapy with your friends and Osamu, Oikawa being a complete dick to Osamu, your argument with Oikawa which resulted in Oikawa blabbing of your love for Hajime, leaving the restaurant crying, realizing you lost your keys but they’re at Osamu’s apartment, walking to Osamu’s crying…

From there it’s a bit murkier as your memories intertwined with self-deprecating thoughts and a line of thinking you rarely walk down anymore.

Last night was a night.

You do somewhat remember Osamu comforting you. Letting you know that it was okay and he was there for you.

You glance around the studio apartment, wondering where he was. Oh god, did you force him out good lord you are -

Oh, no he’s sitting on his couch with a cup of coffee.

You’re filled with guilt when you realize you monopolized his bed and completely took over his apartment. Yeah, he maybe didn’t need to sleep last night (a concept you still don’t fully understand nor approve of) but you have fully overstayed your welcome.

Grabbing your phone from the side table you tap the screen, taking in the notifications on your screen.

Shit, I never messaged Makki or Mattsun.

Your gut feels like lead as you open the group chat with the two. That was a big fuck up on your end.

Fuck, I’m such a shitty friend.

You don’t waste anytime typing out a message.

“Tea?”

You look up from your phone and are greeted with Osamu’s sleepy gaze, a mug of tea held in his hand for you. You reach for the mug, nodding slowly.

“How’re yer feel in’ this morning?” He asks as you take a sip. You shrug in response

“I’m okay. I’m sorry I just fell apart like that on you.” You say. “I wasn’t having a great night, and my emotions just kind of bled all over the place. And I’m sorry that I fell asleep.”

“Yeah, that was actually pretty funny.” Osamu smiles. “Ya just kinda passed out on my shoulder. I had to lift ya to get ya onto the bed.”

You blink, absolutely mortified. “Oh wow, I am so sorry. That’s so embarrassing.”

“Nah, it was cute.” Osamu takes a casual sip from his mug, seemingly oblivious to the flirty line he just dropped. “But ya seemed pretty upset last night, and i wasn’t gonna let ya walk home like that.” The smile drops from his face and he looks at you with concern. “If ya wanna talk about it ya can, although I don’t want to push ya. It’d be pretty dumb of me to.

“I know I’ve been pretty skeptical about openin’ up and talkin’ ‘bout my feelings, but since meetin’ ya I’ve felt better. Lighter, I guess.” He shrugs. “Ya’ve made me realize how important it is to open up.���

You look down at your tea, a small smile tugging at your lips. Your heart warms at Osamu’s words, part of you preening that you were the one who has helped Osamu, but also you feel genuine relief that Osamu wants to open up more.

“Well, let me treat you to breakfast this morning - it’s the least I can do.” You finish your tea and give Osamu a small smile. “I can tell you about yesterday if you don’t mind listening.”

Osamu smiles in return. “Sure, let me grab my stuff.” He takes the mug from your hand and shuffles into the kitchen. You sit up, stretching your arms and grabbing your phone. A few more messages have come through from Mattsun and Makki.

Uhhhhh…….

You open up your chat with Oikawa, finding hundreds of messages from him. He hasn’t sent you anything since 5am. You quickly navigate back to the chat with your other friends.

Frantic knocks, one after another, beat against Osamu’s door.

No way.

Osamu gives you a look before walking to the front door. He checks the paper hole, then turns back and looks at you with faint amusement.

“It’s for ya.”

You stand from the bed, moving into the kitchen. Regretfully, you open the door.

A distressed-looking Oikawa is the surprise visitor. He looks absolutely beside himself - his eyes are bloodshot and swollen, snot is dripping out of his nose, and his hair is messy and lackluster.

Oh dear god.

He bursts into tears when he sees you, but surprisingly doesn’t throw himself at you. He must be learning some boundaries. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Y/N-chan! I was being stupid and petty and I didn’t mean to-”

“Ok, ok c’mon. You’re going to wake up Osamu’s neighbors.” You bring the snivelling, pathetic Oikawa inside, quickly closing the door behind him. You help him get his shoes off, glancing around the Osamu. You spot him at the sink, filling a glass with water. He brings it over, giving Oikawa a nod and silently passing the water to him.

“Thank you Osamu-kun.” Oikawa gratefully takes the water and downs it before handing the empty glass back to an amused Osamu. “I plan on giving you a full apology soon, I promise.”

Osamu huffs a laugh and goes back into the kitchen. He sets the glass in the sink as you lead Oikawa through and into the living room.

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper to Osamu. “Do you want me to go?”

“Nah,” Osamu waves his hand. “I’ll get ready for breakfast in the bathroom, and give you guys some space.”

“Thank you, I’ll try to make this quick.”

“Take yer time.” Osamu smiles at you and moves to the bathroom. You turn back to Oikawa, who is watching you with regret painting all over his face.

“I’m sorry I told Makki and Mattsun that you love Hajime.” Oikawa blurts without any bite.

You think you see Osamu flinch out of the corner of your eye but when you look his way you see the bathroom door closing. You look back to Oikawa and sigh.

“Why did you say it then?”

Oikawa heaves a sigh and hangs his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to say to make you not hate me.”

“Oikawa, I don’t hate you.” You join him on the couch, leaning into his side. “Talk to me.”

Oikawa presses back to you and you feel his shoulders move up and down as he takes another deep breath. “I knew that uni classes and volleyball would be really really hard - but as long as we all had each other we would be fine. We smashed through high school together, so this was just another challenge.

“But when Iwa-chan died it changed everything. Obviously.” Oikawa takes a shaky breath. “But I still had you, Mattsun and Makki. I knew that we wouldn’t be the same without Iwa-chan, and classes and volleyball would be hard, but we would be friends.

“I don’t think I knew how hard everything would be. My classes suck, volleyball is a chore, and I miss Iwa-chan.” He sniffles. “I miss him so much. I feel like I don’t know who I am without him. But I had you guys, I always had my friends.

“But Mattsun and Makki are in their own world sometimes, and then you started hanging out with Osamu.” He looks at you, tears shining in his brown eyes. “I know it makes me sound like you can’t have other friends beside me, and I really don’t want to be selfish. But you were spending more time with Osamu and it hit me that you were all growing up and becoming different people.” A few tears track down his face and he sniffs. “I don’t want anything to change, I don’t want Iwa-chan to be dead, I don’t want to be a terrible person.”

Oikawa starts to cry and you don’t hesitate in pulling him into a side hug. He’s not really sobbing but you feel his pain deep in your heart. One of your hands comes up to card gently through his hair.

“I know I’ve been a piece of shit the last few months. And I can tell that you really like Osamu, even though you’ve always loved Iwa-chan. Whenever you talked about him you had this happy and bright look on your face. He makes you feel good, but you love Iwa-chan. You moving on meant change, and I hated that.” Oikawa sniffs. “But bringing Osamu to the group therapy session, which I always thought was our group’s thing, made me realize that you were changing. I was so angry, and your secret just slipped out.”

He takes a watery breath. “Isn’t it awful? I’ve been trying to drag you back down to my level, bring you back down to feel the pain that I feel, all because I’m scared. I’m a terrible, awful friend.”

“Oikawa, have you had time to go to your therapy appointments?” You ask gently.

He doesn’t answer right away, and when he gives the tiniest shake of his head you sigh.

“Honey,” you scold gently. “Why are you not going?”

“School and volleyball have taken up a lot of my time.” Oikawa mumbles, his sentence punctuated with another sniffle. “I’ve skipped so many appointments, and I’m too embarrassed to call.”

You sigh, inwardly shaking your head at your friend’s weak excuse. “I don’t want to tell you what to do, but maybe re-prioritize your responsibilities. Getting back on track with your therapy appointments should take top priority. You can talk through these feelings instead of letting them fester.”

Oikawa doesn’t answer right away, but when he does his voice is small. “But I’d probably have to quit volleyball, and that’s all I have left of Iwa-chan.” You see his hands ball into fists. “I don’t want to lose that.” His breath hitches. “I don’t know what to do.”

You let him cry on your shoulder, giving him the time to get all the tears out. You figure this is the most civil conversation you’ve had since Hajime died. The thought brings you relief but also makes you quite sad.

“You know you’re one of my best friends, right Oikawa?” You ask once he’s calmed down a bit. “You’re a diva and a trainwreck, but you’re my diva and my trainwreck.” He exhales lightly but you’re almost certain it’s in amusement. “No matter what, I’m always going to want the best for you, and I’m always gonna try my best to help you.

“But,” you feel him tense up when you continue. “You have to realize that your behavior the past few months has been really shitty. You’ve treated us all like punching bags - we get it, probably more than a lot of people could. But I’m not gonna let you treat me, or any of our friends, like it anymore.”

“I’ll be good.” Oikawa promises immediately. “I promise, I’ll do better for you and Makki and Mattsun. And me.”

“Good.” You give him a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry for yelling at you last night in the restaurant.”

“You don’t have to apologize at all.” He replies immediately. He yawns before speaking again. “Honestly, I’ve been a piece of shit for months now. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” You murur. You both sit on the couch for a while longer as you try to come down from the conversation you just had. You feel like a heavy cloud that’s been floating around your head for months has cleared, and although you know Oikawa won’t magically change overnight you feel better knowing that you’ve had this hard conversation with him. Change starts with communication, and hopefully Oikawa understands now that he has the support to change.

You feel Oikawa leaning against you even further and you look at his face to see his eyes closed and mouth parted open.

“Oikawa, c’mon I don’t want you falling asleep.” You gently push him off you so you can stand and get Oikawa to stand also. His eyes are still closed and he puts nearly all of his body weight onto you.

He must not have slept all night, you think. It’s not uncommon for him to pull all nighters, a habit he picked up in high school watching game tape over and over until the sun came up. But he handles the lack of sleep gracelessly - you could prop him against a door jamb and he’d pass out no problem.

Together you move towards the front door. You’re not going to let him fall asleep here and inconvenience Osamu even more - you’ll take him back to your apartment and maybe try to catch lunch with Osamu. Now you owe him a few meals and unlimited coffee.

“Gotta apologize to Osamu-kun,” Oikawa mumbles when you lean him against the wall.

“Maybe when you’re going to fall asleep standing up, yeah?” You reply, bending down to shove his feet back in his shoes. You hear more mumblings in return but can’t make anything out of them.

As you’re getting your shoes on you hear the bathroom door open and out walks Osamu. He’s dressed and his face is composed into it’s usual blankness. Trusting that Oikawa won’t keel over, you walk over to where Osamu is reaching into his dresser for socks.

“I’m so sorry,” you say. “I have to reschedule breakfast, I have to make sure this idiot won’t sleepwalk into traffic.”

“S’alright. Didja work everything out?” Osamu asks in a measured tone.

“I think so.” Osamu’s not looking at you as he puts on his socks. Your gut twinges with guilt, realizing that he must be upset that you have to cancel breakfast. “But I think I’m gonna take him to my apartment and make sure he sleeps. Do you want to meet up for lunch or something?”

“Can’t.” His short answer makes you blink. “Meetin’ a group on campus for a class project.”

“Oh.” He’s still not meeting your gaze, and you detect a hint of gruffness in his tone. Maybe he’s upset that he has to meet with his group last minute? Or because you basically shoved him into his bathroom while you and Oikawa worked out your issues. “Dinner then? I owe you double now.”

“Probably not.” Osamu stands and gathers a few books and a notebook before shoving them into his backpack. His inability to look at you or hold a full conversation is confusing, but you don’t want to push him.

“Well let’s meet at the coffee shop tomorrow, usual time after morning classes. Sounds good?”

He hums distractedly. Your gut feels heavier and you swallow hard.

“Okay, well I’ll be off now.”

Osamu turns towards you but still doesn’t meet your eyes. “I’ll walk ya out.”

You both make the short walk to the front door. The tension in the room is heavy, unable to lighten even at the sight of Oikawa sleeping standing up. You maneuver your friend while Osamu opens the door for you. It’s a slight struggle walking out of the front door but you manage.

You look back before Osamu can close the door behind you. He’s holding the door knob and staring at the ground. “Let me know if you can do dinner tonight - if not I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You force as much cheeriness into your voice, despite the heavy weight in your chest. Finally Osamu looks at you, giving you a disinterested nod.

He closes the door as you turn to walk away. You look back quickly, catching a crestfallen look on Osamu’s face before the door fully closes.

• ────── ✾ ────── •

A/N: So when I originally thought about this story, I wanted to think about how different people deal with grief. And what I wanted to explore was 1.) is there a limit to how people will grieve? And 2.) can someone grieving push that limit? From the get-go Oikawa has seemingly pushed the limit of what some of you believed, and yet Y/N was still hesitant to call him out. And I loved hearing what everyone had to say about Oikawa - some were willing to give him a pass, and some were NOT happy with him. Now, just because someone is grieving, it does NOT give them a free pass to behave inappropriately or do serious harm to those around them. But I think it’s important to note that what may seem absolutely insane to one person is tolerable to another. And what it comes down to is how the person who is directly affected by another’s actions wants to address those actions (sorry if this is confusing.) Oikawa was treating Y/N and their friends like shit. In the story it was because Oikawa was not taking the necessary actions to keep himself mentally healthy. In Y/N’s eyes, if there is a desire to be better, and appropriate actions are taken to be better, then Oikawa deserves to be forgiven. I have absolutely LOVED reading everyone’s reactions and hearing their opinions on Oikawa’s slowly deteriorating behavior, thank you for sending them in! And just because how Y/N has reacted to Oikawa’s behavior it does not mean there is a right/wrong way! Everyone has different life experiences and different relationships that guide their decision-making! And that’s totally okay! (This obviously applies to non-threatening and morally & ethically right behavior.) And WOOF thank you for getting this far in the A/N’s, this was a LOT! Gold stars for everyone!! 🌟🌟🌟

Taglist Open! Please send an Ask with the request to be added to It’s [Not] Okay Fic & SMAU: @psycho-nightrose @camcam1617 @kamalymaly @toobsessedsstuff @shookykookie30 @roro-707 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @cerealfrdinner797 @ara-mitsue @gray-444 @tanakasimpcorner @rintarovibes @jellien @everytimeswift @bongofrito @babucrow @beidouluvr @kozuken-ma @imarriedachef

#haikyuu! #haikyuu #haikyuu fic #haikyuu social media au #haikyuu smau #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #hq smau #hq x reader #hq x y/n #hq x you #haikyuu angst #hq angst #haikyuu romance #hq romance #miya osamu #miya osamu x reader #miya osamu x y/n #miya osamu x you #iwaizumi hajime #miya atsumu #oikawa tooru #hanamki takahiro #matsukawa issei #tw.mention of past character death #kita shinsuke #suna rintarou #ojiro aran #its [not] okay fic & smau

[holykillercake]

One Year

pairing: Zoro x Reader

word count: 2k

summary: No summary this time. I´ll just say this ¨Bartholomew Kuma and Sabaody¨. Read at your own risk. Seriously, ¨KUMA AND SABAODY¨, do you understand?

highlight: ¨Everyone did their best, but no one could have done better.¨

warnings: angst with happy ending; Sabaody Archipelago spoilers (?)

notes: Hey guys! This was a request from @roronoatrash​ in which ¨Zoro who has 0 sense of direction seemed to always find his way back to is s/o, and his s/o only.¨. I really hope you like it!💚 This is also the first time I write a Devil Fruit user, so I'm considering a sequel to develop the character and add more humor.

𝕷𝖊𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖘, 𝖗𝖊𝖖𝖚𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖘, 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊!

It was a cloudy and melancholic day in the New World. The men on board were leisurely enjoying their afternoon; some drinking, some napping, some eating. The air was humid and cold, and the tides were strangely calm. No one seemed to care. After all, that was the New World. 

¨Boss!¨ the lookout shouted from the crow's nest ¨Something is falling from the sky! It´s going to land on deck!¨

All men tilted their heads to look at the sky, watching a tiny black spot become bigger and more recognizable.

¨Is that what I think it is?¨ the captain asked himself, not believing his eyes.

¨Boss, is that a girl?¨

¨Yep, I think so.¨

They stood still watching what they suspected was a girl fall from the skies. The red-haired took a quick glimpse at his first-mate and officers, and since no one moved, he felt safe to assume that that was not a threat. Mainly because whatever was falling towards the ship looked dead already. 

The body fell through the main deck and went straight to the lower level of the ship. The captain and his officers stood around the hole on the wooden floor, observing the unconscious and injured body of a girl. 

¨I´ve seen some crazy things rain around here... but this is new.¨ he spoke.

They were ready to have someone dispose of the dead body when the girl opened her eyes, putting herself on her shaky legs. Blood dripped from her eyebrows and nose, and she had bruises all over. Her eyes wandered around as if she was looking for something.

¨Z-Zoro...¨ she spoke when her teary eyes met the captain´s ¨I-I need to find Zoro.¨ 

That was all she said before falling on her knees and collapsing. 

                                                             </>

Almost a year has passed since the tragedy in Sabaody Archipelago. A year passed since you were defeated in the fight against the marine force. Your gashes closed, and your bruises healed, but there was a wound that would not go away, even after one year. 

So much had happened since that day. Luffy had broken into Impel Down, fought in the Paramount War, and lost his brother, Ace. A few days later you received the hidden message he had left you, saying that you were no longer going to meet in Sabaody in three days but in two years.

It took you a while to understand the situation you and the rest of the Strawhats were in, and it took you even more to let go of your selfishness and trust them. The guilt for not being strong enough to protect yourself and your comrades ate you alive during the first weeks, but then you considered how they must be feeling too. No one could have done better. 

Everyone did their best, but no one could have done better. 

For one year, whenever a News Coo flew by to deliver a newspaper, you would run and grab it before anyone did, hoping to see another message from your friends. But the status of your captain was the only one you knew so far. You knew he was training with Rayleigh-san, and this whole two years thing should have been his idea. 

When Bartholomeu Kuma used his Devil Fruit powers on you, you ended up landing on the ship of the Red Hair Pirates. They would always tell you how you rained on their Red Force and broke the deck floor. They said you were looking for someone, and during your stay in the infirmary, you would always call for the same person. 

For months nightmares had you waking up in the middle of the night panting and crying. The same one, torturing you in an infinite and merciless loop. 

Every detail, color, and noise. Everything was so precise and clear in your head. 

When he fought still injured from the last encounter with the Shichibukai; when he stood up and faced the Warlord fearlessly. Even with the damages caused by Kizaru and the Pacifistas, he stood up. 

And maybe your eyes fooled you, maybe your exhausted body played a sick trick on you because he was there until he wasn´t.

 Right in front of your eyes.

 His cropped green hair and tanned skin, the vibrant red and white striped shirt, the scar across his chest, the haramaki, and the swords. Gone, simple as that. 

But after all the training that you had with the Red Hair Pirates, you seemed more in peace with yourself. After one year, the nightmares would bother you only every once in a while. You were not prepared for the New World before, maybe still aren´t, but you will get there. 

And they made everything easier. It was no mystery why Luffy liked them so much. Whenever you were not engaged in a fight or some other Emperor crap, those guys were incredibly light-spirited. And the moment they realized you were part of Luffy´s crew they treated your wounds and welcomed you onboard. 

Shanks agreed to have his men training you, but he made very clear that no one would babysit you, so it was ¨keep up or keep out.¨. You spent most of your time with Yassop, Benn, or Roux, for they were the best in the abilities you exercised. 

Inside the Strawhats you were a stealth agent, mostly because of your Devil Fruit, the Nagi Nagi no Mi, once possessed by a Marine Commander. Another Supernova, the Surgeon of Death Trafalgar Law had told you that before shit broke in Sabaody. 

You used that combined with your fighting skills to breach the enemy´s first line of defense before they saw you coming. Usually, Usopp would assist you with the sniper training, trade he ¨learned from a friend¨, Sogeking. 

His father was an extraordinary sniper, and he used the same kind of firearms as you, differently than Usopp´s slingshot. Benn´s combat skills were remarkable, and Roux was exceptionally fast for a man his size. You haven´t had a lot of opportunities to fight the Red Hair himself, though you had a strong will, his Haki was something you have never seen before. 

¨We´re going to a bar, kid. You´re coming?¨ Benn asked you with his cigarette on his lips. 

You pondered a little over his invitation but decided to decline it. ¨Thanks, Benn, but I´m keeping a low profile tonight.¨ He nodded and smiled, turning to follow his crewmates ¨Don´t drink too much, we have training tomorrow!¨ 

The first mate laughed shortly and spoke without looking at you ¨Roger that, kid.¨ 

You walked the opposite way, wandering between the vegetables and gimmicks tents, feeling the kind sunset kiss your skin. There was some music playing, kids running around with ice cream in their hands, laughing loudly and happily. Marketers were announcing their prices, housewives were thinking about delicious recipes to prepare for their families, and couples would sit together around the font, swearing love to each other.

Every day was like that. The citizens would wish their neighbors ¨good morning¨ from their windows; bakers would open the doors early, letting the delightful smell of fresh bread wake up those who slept in.  

How could you, in the middle of all that happiness, feel so sad and lost?

You sighed and made a route change. Maybe you needed a little bit of booze. 

The island where Shanks had decided to dock was in the Grand Line, a place where they were known and welcomed. So you knew where they were, and it would be a short walk to get there.

¨Y/N?¨ 

You turned automatically, thinking that a crew member had gotten lost and was looking for his captain - or boss, how he likes to be called.

 But when you saw the man standing in front of you, everything stopped. The music, the kids, and the love promises. 

At some point, you started to cry and hyperventilate, believing you were in another nightmare, and you would have to go through that day all over again. Your lover carried pain in his eyes as well, like his fears were the same as yours. 

Those minutes you stared at each other felt like hours while you kept every detail of him in your memory. His hair was slightly longer, and his complexion was paler, even with the sunset painting his skin. 

¨Z-Zoro...¨ you whispered shakily.

He gave a step forward ¨Y/N... it´s you...¨ 

You ran in his direction as soon as your name fell out of his mouth. Your arms embraced his neck, and your legs gave up when he held you tight against his body, whispering comforting words as you broke into tears. 

¨I...¨ nothing but sobs came out.

¨I know... me too.¨ he fondled your hair and hid his face in the curve of your neck. And there stood the both of you, not wanting to let the other go. 

                                                          </>

¨How did you know I was here?¨ you asked and he blushed a little.

¨I didn´t... I had to buy stuff for the castle, and I got lost.¨ a loud laugh came out of your mouth. It was so obvious, how didn´t you guess that?

¨They didn´t give you a log pose?¨

¨They did, but I took a nap and when I woke up, I was here.¨

You spent the rest of the day cuddling on the beach sand. Zoro was laying on his back, and you were resting on his chest. You had one year worth of conversation to catch up on, and neither of you rushed to do so. He told you about Mihawk, the creepy island in which the only native habitants were copycat human drills, the boat he destroyed, and even how he begged the Warlord to train him.

The sun had started to hide behind the sea, and the warm sand was cooling down. The sound of the waves crashing on the shore together with the salty breeze made you question if you had died at some point, and that was heaven.

¨You´re paler.¨ he chuckled.

¨It´s not very sunny where I´m living.¨ 

¨Hm...¨ you hummed ¨And how long did you take to figure out Luffy´s message?¨ 

¨Oh...¨ he thought for a second ¨ I knew right away.¨ you giggled and doodled on his chest with your finger. 

You felt his chest go up and down as he let out a sigh. 

¨I missed you, Y/N.¨ he hugged you tighter. 

¨I missed you too.¨ you stayed in silence for a few minutes ¨Anyway, when are you setting sail again?¨ You asked him softly, and he tensed up. ¨I know... ¨ your lips began to tremble ¨ I don´t want to go either, but what happened in Sabaody... I don´t want that to happen ever again.¨ you bit your lip as tears started to roll on your cheeks. 

He wiped the tears with his fingers and pulled you closer. None of you wanted to part ways again, but not only those were your captain´s order that was your future. If something like that happens again in the New World, a two-year separation would be the best scenario possible. 

¨It won´t. I promise.¨

When the night came, you decided to stay on the beach and talked until you fell asleep under the stars. The best sleep you´ve had in a long time. No nightmares, no agony, and no pain. Just the warmth and peace you missed so much.

On the following morning, you helped him get the provisions for Mihawk´s castle. You toured around the city holding hands and joking, kinda like the couples sitting by the font, enjoying every second you had before he left. 

If he didn´t get lost trying to go back to Kuraigana Island, it would be a quick trip. You assisted him with the bags and walked him to his boat. Your heart ached to say goodbye to him, but you had to. The circumstances were bigger than the two of you.

¨I love you, Zoro.¨ you hugged him and tried not to cry again.

¨I love you more, Y/N.¨

¨Careful with the naps, ok?¨ he chuckled and nodded ¨One year. We´ll meet again in one year.¨ 

¨Wait for me. I´ll go get you, and we´ll return to Sabaody together.¨ 

¨But how will you know where I will be?¨

¨It doesn´t matter where you´ll be. I´ll always find you.¨

#zoro #roronoa zoro #zoro roronoa x reader #zoro x reader #one piece #one #one piece x y/n #one piece x reader #oneshot #worst generation #sabaody archipelago #bartholomew kuma #kuma #hawkeye mihawk #dracule mihawk #mihawk #shichibukai #seven warlords #warlords of the sea #shanks #red hair shanks #red hair pirates #lucky roux #benn beckman #yassop #usopp #sogeking #kuraigana island #kuraigana #rayleigh

[xlehukax]

Thank You For The Music

Foreword: This is for the Sanders Sides Gift Exchange! Analogical Soulmate Au, as requested by @romantichopelessly! Happy holidays. And there’s also a playlist!  @sanderssidesgiftxchange! 

Ships: Logan x Virgil, (Background) Patton x Janus 

Word Count: 8374 

Warnings: SelectiveMute!Virgil, like one fight scene, Cursing, Logan’s ignoring feelings, it’s mainly the Logan and Virgil show... I don’t think there’s really anything! 

Summary: Logan’s been asked to assist a local student on campus. Having nothing else to do, he agrees: and so starts a connection that he would’ve never expected, and one that flowers more beautifully than he could ever imagine. (Soulmates can hear each other sing in their heads: Italics are either singing or sign language) 

~~~~~

Somehow, Logan thought his fourth year in College would feel different. Like he’s gone on some sort of journey: like he’s learned in the education manner but also in the lifestyle sort of way. 

It doesn’t appear that way. It seems like Logan’s the same. 

No friends. 

No challenges. 

Nothing to be excited about whatsoever. He’s going to college for the degree at this point, and the title alone. It’s why when the professor for his Microbiology class asks him to stay after, it shocks him. Especially so close to the end of the semester. 

Is he not doing enough? A quick inventory of his mind ensures that he hasn’t forgotten anything. The professor must need something: she’s taken a shine to him anyway, it probably isn’t bad. Logan gathers his things and then places them carefully in their individual places in his bag: once everything is where it belongs, in pockets and folders and sections, Logan presents himself to the professor. She smiles at him over the top of her laptop, eyes sparkling with mirth before shutting the lid of the machine. 

“Thank you for seeing me, Logan,” she grins. 

“I’m going to be blunt here: why have you asked me to stay? I assume that there is nothing out of order.” 

“No, no… your grades are impeccable, participation is great, and you’ve been fantastic. It’s simply that you’re so outstanding that I want to ask a favor,” his professor asks shrewdly. Logan hums for a moment, debating, before wincing in pain and clutching his temple. 

“Logan! Are you alright, dear?” 

“Ah, yes. It’s merely my soulmate,” he says by way of explanation. The professor smiles broadly. 

“How fantastic! Anything good?”

Logan quickly takes stock of the song: his mystery mate sang Overkill yesterday during Office Hours, and Sally’s Song the day before that while he was at his college apartment. He only knew because a) these were repeating songs, and b) he’d looked them up right away. Listened to them after the music fades to hold them close. 

It’s funny that he never once thinks that the original is better in any sense than the sweet song of his soulmate. His (Logan’s assumed it’s a he, based on his own sexuality and interests) music is so sweet: his voice is lilting and beautiful and it makes Logan feel so guilty. So guilty, because he must be the most beautiful man in the world and Logan hasn’t given him anything. Logan does not… sing. 

And in a world where you hear your soulmate’s singing in your own head, it’s a betrayal. 

“So? What is it?” the professor’s voice snaps him back to reality. 

“Oh, I’m not sure. It seems to go… oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting. Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting. I’m a lonely boy, I’m a lonely boy,” he repeats the song in a monotone. The professor snaps her fingers. 

“Ah, The Black Keys. Lonely Boy, a classic!! It’s a good song, your soulmate has some bloody good taste. And, what are you doing, letting them be lonely like that?” she winks at him, “It’s quite the song.” 

“I do not see how this is relative to our conversation,” Logan deadpans, tired of this discourse already. If it has nothing to do with academics, he doesn’t want to hear it. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I got off-topic. Anyway, you know ASL right?” 

“Indeed.” 

“Perfect,” she smiles gently, getting up from the desk and dusting herself off, “There’s a student at the school, it’s his second year: he’s mute and uses primarily ASL to communicate. So far, he’s been surviving by being with his brother. But the brother is changing schools after this semester to go to a better nursing school and… well, we need someone to look after Virgil. Virgil Williams is the name of the student and Patton Williams’s the brother. There’s not a lot of students who know ASL here, and from what I’ve heard you don’t really participate in extracurricular activities. This would be not only a great way to flesh out your resumé but also simply a great thing to do, you know, humanitarian wise. Would you be up for it?” 

Logan considers for a moment. It’s true, he doesn’t do a whole lot outside of schoolwork: he does tend to have too much free time spent re-reading books. It doesn’t have to be anything special: it’s only helping this kid when he needs it. No problem whatsoever: he’s tutored people before, it’ll be similar. 

“I don’t see why not. Do I have an opportunity to meet with them before I agree completely?” 

“Oh, of course! They should be at their dorm now… here’s the dorm number,” she passes him a slip of paper and what this job will entail and waves him off. The dorm’s only a short walk away: it’ll be less than a ten-minute walk from the lecture hall if he crosses the Courtyard. 

Logan walks briskly: he doesn’t require the extra exercise due to his rigorous workout schedule but it’s always nice to stretch his limbs. He breaks into a light jog, his bag bouncing slightly on his back as he moves, and makes it there in exactly 8.7 minutes instead of 10. Logan wipes the sweat from his brow with a cloth before entering the dormitories and heading to the shared Williams dorm. It’s on the third floor, right outside the elevators. 

Logan takes the stairs. 

He combats a sudden influx of nerves at the door: swallows it deep and regulates his features. Professional, he thinks to himself. Be professional. 

His knock is answered immediately as if they were standing at the door. Logan’s presented with a man who breaks out into a broad smile immediately: his hair is pulled up into a small bundle at the top of his head, sparse brown curls sticking out haphazardly. He’s quite large and strong-looking: he’d be intimidating if his eyes didn’t have that same sort of sparkle that the professor did, his large circle-rimmed glasses hiding absolutely nothing. 

“Oh!! You must be the guy the Prof knew!! Hello! I’m Patton!! It’s so great to meet you!! Agh, I’m so excited! Well, Virgil too,” he grins. Logan blinks. He is… a lot. 

“Greetings. I am Logan,” Logan signs the words alongside the verbal words to demonstrate his fluency. Patton squeals and Logan winces. 

“Haha, sorry about that. Again, eee! So excited! I’ll introduce you to Virgil,” Patton holds the door ajar for Logan to enter, gesturing to the small pile of shoes to remove his. Logan gently unties his trainers and places them beside a pair of Doc Martens and Toms. They’re about as different as they could be: one is black and bulky with thick purple laces, the others a sky blue with little paw prints. Polar opposites. Logan diverts his attention to Patton, who’s been jabbering on about something or other. 

“-and there he is! Virgil, come on out kiddo- meet Logan!” Patton coos at what at first glance seems to be a shadow but in reality is a man who practically hides by the door of the conjoined bedroom. He’s encompassed by an oversized hoodie. 

“Hello, it is nice to meet you, Virgil,”  he signs out silently. Patton bites his lip to stop himself from speaking, but his noises of excitement escape anyway. Virgil signs back a meek hello: his hood falls off in the process, and Logan scrutinizes the face that he’s apparently going to be assisting for a while. 

Virgil has long dark hair: unkempt and uncut, old dye lingering stubbornly on the tips of it. His eyelashes are long, drooping over his cheeks, as he avoids Logan’s gaze. He possesses dark circles under each eye- so dark it seems intentional. Virgil tugs his hood over his head the moment the silence stretches a bit too long, and he’s gone: a rabbit ducking into a hole. Logan wishes he’d put the hood back down. 

In all regards, Logan means to say that Virgil holds palpable beauty. 

The idea within itself isn’t strange: Logan understands the various societal norms and standards that society adheres to beauty and usually makes deductions off of that, but there is… something about Virgil. Virgil’s not muscular looking, or overly lean, or anything of the sort. He’s simply…  enchanting. 

“Well, say something!” Patton shouts, breaking the silence. “Or, I mean, sign something, Virge. It’s too stifled in here: do either of you want something to drink?” 

“Water?” Virgil signs. His hands are shaking.

“I’ll have one of those too,” Logan adds on. Patton smiles at the two of them and finger guns. “You can hear, correct?” Logan asks, keeping his tone easy. He makes sure to enunciate each of his words, just in case. Virgil blinks up at him moonishly. 

“Yes,” Virgil says, worrying at his lip. 

“You don’t need to be afraid. I’m only here to help you,” Logan attempts to smile at him comfortingly: judging by Virgil’s expression, it seems more like a grimace. “Let’s sit down and talk about this, alright?” Logan sighs. He pulls out a chair at their small table and lets Virgil sit in it, pushing him in. Immediately after, Virgil pulls his legs to his chest and wraps his arms around them. He’s vanished completely into his hoodie. 

Logan sits next to him, rather than across: he doesn’t want to make him feel like he’s being interrogated. 

“I’m sorry,” Virgil says. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for?” Logan replies, more of a question than an assurance. “My apologies Virgil, but you’re not trying to impress me. I am simply here to introduce myself so that I can begin to help you. I am here for you. You can take as long as you want.” 

Virgil peeks out from under the hoodie like a prairie dog emerges from a hole. Hair first, then curious eyes, then his hands. 

Logan smiles. 

“Now, let’s draw up a contract here, to outline what we’ll be doing this year. I do believe,” he retrieves the papers the professor had given him, “that you already have a solution for classes, so you will not require my assistance there. It’s more after school hours and personal activities, no?” 

Virgil nods meekly. 

So… Virgil just needs a… friend? A friend who knows ASL? Logan’s heart swells in his chest: Virgil just needs a friend. 

Logan doesn’t let his excitement show: because deep down, deep enough that he’ll never admit it fully- let alone say it aloud- he’d truly like a friend too. 

And as Virgil glances over the contract and bites his nails and spares him the smallest glance before Patton returns with two glasses of water and a plate of supermarket cookies… Logan can’t help but feel like this will become more. 

The contract is solidified: Logan will go to Virgil after his classes end, assist him with homework or anything else he needs at the time. Logan will be on speed dial for him if talking to people if needed. Logan will be paid a small sum per day, as well as the equating service hours. 

Patton can’t stop thanking him with tears in his eyes. Virgil doesn’t look at him once, spares him no glances. Rather, his eyes are downcast for the next hour that Logan’s there. He has a little fidgeting toy and presses it in his lap. Logan exchanges cordially with Patton, Patton cheers animatedly, and Virgil is silent. 

“If I may ask… why now? Is this not your second year of college? Why would you leave now?” Logan asks. Patton’s expression saddens. 

“Oh… well, I’m transferring to a better medical school after this semester and- I couldn’t leave Virgil here without any help- he waited for me so we could go here together and… I can’t leave with no safety net for him,” Patton says tearily. He wipes at his eyes and goes to squeeze Virgil’s shoulder.

Virgil sinks deeper into his hoodie. Logan feels deeply uncomfortable. 

“So thank you, Logan: you seem so nice, and so smart, I’m sure that I’ll be leaving him in capable hands,” Patton assures him, and then looks at the time mounted on the wall, “Oh! You must be going now, huh? I’ll walk you out,” 

“Goodbye, Virgil. I look forward to seeing you soon,” he says curtly, before letting Patton lead him back to the door. As he ties up his shoes, Logan opens his mouth hesitantly. 

“You are… you are a good brother, taking care of your younger sibling like that,” he does his best at comforting. Patton laughs at him. 

“No, no! Virgil’s my older brother by two years. Technically, he should be at your level: but he waited for me to go. We’re really close and we help each other out so… Goodness, that’s the reason why I’m doing all this, reaching out to the teachers and organizing things for him. I want to -no, I need to- help him out. Like he’s helped me,” Patton explains. Logan blinks. This means two things. 

Patton feels guilty. He feels oh so guilty, and Virgil probably feels betrayed. Betrayed and alone. 

Virgil and Logan are the same age. 

~~~~~~

The end of the first semester comes quickly. It was only a few weeks away, and Logan spends minimal time with Virgil: giving the brothers space to make amends before he comes between them. 

On the last day of the quarter, Logan makes his way to their dorm room. Music had been stuck in his head all day: his soulmate singing the same song over and over again. It’s beautiful, of course, but nagging as he tries to focus. Logan debated singing a little “shut up please” but even that little snippet of musicality makes him nervous. 

And what would his soulmate think? What would he think, after years of silence, that the first thing he gets in return is a demand for silence? Logan shivers at the thought of it. The song goes: Time is an illusion that helps things make sense, so we’re always living in the present tense- it seems unforgiving when a good thing ends, but you and I will always be back then. 

Logan likes the scientific simplicity of it, and finds himself humming along as he swiftly walks across the courtyard to the dorms. His soulmate’s voice rises with the music: piano, he thinks. His soulmate is playing the piano and singing over and over and over again. In his mind's eye, Logan wishes he could comfort him: do the soulmate things that soulmates do. Embrace him and calm him and quell his fears. The music fades in time for him to get to the dorms: Patton’s already outside, bags packed. 

Logan is giving, or rather attacked, with a hug from Patton. 

“You are leaving now, yes?” he says, trying to make it seem like he’s not worming out of the embrace despite his discomfort. Patton releases him after a moment, worrying at his lip. 

“Yeah! I’ll visit as often as I can, call me if ANYTHING happens, and-” 

“Patton,” Logan grips his shoulders, “I can handle this. Go on now,” Patton nods tearily. 

“You promise you’ll take good care of my brother? You have to- to pinky promise, because if anything happens to him it’s going to be my fault,” Patton wipes his eyes, and there’s that intimidating that he always knew Patton had the potential for: “You have to promise. I love Virgil more than anything or anyone in the world. He is the kindest, most thoughtful person. You may not see it right now, but he is. Virgil is the best person I know. You have to help him when he needs it, even if he doesn’t want it,” 

“I promise, I’ll perform to the very best of my ability Patton,” Logan says steely, “I promise. You go and pursue your dreams.” Logan and Patton both glance up to the window of the dorm that Virgil’s in: the curtains are closed, and Patton sighs. Gives Logan a meaningful look. 

Patton juts his pinky in his face, and Logan exasperatedly links his. Patton’s face brightens, and leaves to the nearby road where a taxi awaits. In Logan’s head, a new song begins. It starts with a guitar and then continues with his soulmate’s angelic voice: “Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup, they slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe-” 

Logan watches him go for a moment: and then he starts walking into the dorms to check in on Virgil. Logically, he’s probably feeling due amounts of stress and uncertainty in the new situation. 

“Nothings gonna change my world, nothings gonna change my world…. images of broken light, which dance before me like a million eyes, they call me on and on across the universe,” 

Logan’s heart feels full, an odd feeling: there’s something about the music and the situation that blends and rushes into his chest so wonderfully. Perhaps this is what it’s like to be with your soulmate: life and soul singing together in perfect harmony. 

“Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box, they tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe,” 

Logan takes the stairs step by step, enjoying the music as long as he can. 

“Nothings gonna change my world, nothings gonna change my world, nothings gonna change my world, nothings gonna change my world…” the music stops all at once, guitar too: Logan misses it for only a moment, before he remembers that it’s no passing street musician but rather his soulmate. His soulmate who sings so perfectly. The soulmate he’ll never meet. 

He arrives at the Williams’ dorm- err, now just Virgil’s, and raps on the door. He waits for a “coming!” but then realizes his mistake. He waits patiently for Virgil to open it: and when he does, it’s only a crack. Logan stares back at the scrap of Virgil’s face he can see. 

His lips purse. 

“Would you like to let me in?” Logan asks gently. Virgil’s face tightens nervously, and he signs something quickly. 

“I’m not okay right now,” he says. Logan swallows. 

“Can I help with anything? Or should I leave?” he keeps his voice as soft as he can. Virgil’s head shakes a vehement ‘no’. 

“Virgil… I-” he tries to come up with a reason, a real reason for him to stay. There is none. If Virgil says he doesn’t need any help then there’s no reason to stay. Logan swallows. “If you have no need for me… then I… I should leave,” he sighs. The door closes shut behind him with a click. 

Logan’s moving to leave when he has a new idea. He raps on the door once more. Virgil’s face peers through the crack in the door again. He rolls his eyes at Logan. 

“What is it?” he signs. 

“Fancy a game of chess?” 

~~~~~

Unsurprisingly, Virgil is a silent but deadly good chess player. He’s forward thinking and takes no risks that he can’t counter the backlash of. Logan is thrilled to play with someone so astute. 

“Checkmate,” Logan announces, after a long and difficult game. Virgil huffs in mock indignation, and knocks down his own king. “You’re quite proficient at this, Virgil. We should play more often.” 

Virgil blushes, signing a quick “Thank you” and then zipping his hoodie up further. Logan finds himself smiling at him. 

“Would you like to go again? Or do you have work to do that I can help you with?” 

“Again,” Virgil signs, hands quivering slightly. Logan chuckles and resets the board for another go. Virgil bites at his nails and waits. It’s too quiet without Patton’s incessant yammering. Logan decides to ask the first question that comes to mind. 

“Do you have a soulmate?” 

Virgil makes sweater paws and ducks into his hoodie more. 

“Oh- I’m sorry, is that a bad topic-” 

“No. I do not have one.” 

There’s been cases of people ‘missing’ soulmates: only to find that they were dead, or that they didn’t want a soulmate and merely ignored them. Or like Logan, who don’t sing whatsoever. 

“Ah… well, that’s a shame, Virgil. You’d be amazing to have as a soulmate, I’m sure,” 

Virgil flushes deeper, if it’s possible, and hugs himself. Logan finds himself smiling again: Virgil’s cute. 

Perhaps he said it out loud, because then Virgil’s growling at him and signing a “Fuck you, I am not!” 

“Maybe just a little bit?” Logan teases, he teases, such an odd and different thing for him to do. But teasing Virgil is different. It’s like another game and Logan doesn’t feel out of place or silly: it’s still serious.

“No! No!” 

“I think you are,” 

“No! What? No!” 

“Hmm,” Logan merely says, finishing the chess board. 

~~~~~

His soulmate has a crush. A sort of crush that’s teetering constantly between deep pining and attempting to squash it. 

It’s apparent, between the lines of “Fly Me To The Moon” and “despair”. In other words, I love you. Cause it’s not romantic, I swear. Fill my heart with song and let me sing forevermore. I want you to be here, but please don’t come near. You are all I long for, all I worship and adore. It’s not love, I swear. 

Today’s song is “Raincoat” (according to the internet) and if that’s not appropriate, Logan doesn’t know what is. Once more, Logan wishes he has the confidence to thank him for the soundtrack that’s been accompanying his life as it rises in joy each day. 

These songs… they’re a quick change from the dreary songs that had been going on a few weeks ago. Logan, ironically, doesn’t mind the sappiness, actually. Usually he would, but it fits his recent joy. 

Virgil’s exactly what he wanted, what he could’ve never hoped for. He’s smart, he’s clever, he’s shrewd, he’s not touchy, he respects boundaries… 

It’s perfect. Logan goes and sticks with him each and every weekday after classes end. They work together, they read together, they watch True Crime shows, they eat dinner together, they play chess and cards and backgammon and Clue and everything possible. They talk: and miracles upon miracles, Virgil seems to like him. 

Today is different. Today is a weekend: there’s no real reason that Virgil should need him, he’s never before, but he was invited to have lunch with him anyway. Even though it’s going to be snowing! Even though it’s freezing! Even though in any other instance Logan would be curled up at home with a good book and Star Trek. And rather… rather they’re going to get Hot Pot at the small university town in Logan’s ramshackle car. It gives Logan the strange feeling of hope rising in his chest that Virgil wants him around as much as he does. That Virgil enjoys it as much as he does. 

Enjoys the company, the quiet, the whole thing. 

He doesn’t even have to go up to the dorm: Virgil’s waiting for him outside the building. Logan waves after he gets out of his secondhand car: Virgil offers a small one in return and walks up to him. He’s all bundled up in several mismatched layers: though he still wears aggressively ripped jeans with skinny knees peeking through, he’s wrapped in several warm coats. 

Logan gets a sudden urge to press a kiss to his shaggy hair and hug him tightly, the slouching man at the ideal height. He squashes it quickly, blushing anyway at the mere thought of such romances, and lets Virgil into the passenger seat without looking at him. Virgil taps his hands on the front of the car, a rare grin donning his features. Logan swallows. 

Virgil has never looked more beautiful than he does right now. With a smile and all of those layers and his hood just barely adorning his head. Logan notices now that his makeup is different today: a sparkling purple rather than the usual dark tones. 

“Where to, Virgil?” 

“I do not care!” he signs excitedly. Logan chuckles. 

“How about sushi, then?” 

Virgil smiles and nods. Logan sets the car into reverse, and then drives out of the parking lot. Virgil fiddles with his fingers. I should say something…

“Would… would you like to listen to any music, Virgil?” Virgil’s head bobs an exuberant yes, and Logan gestures to the old car radio: Virgil fiddles with it, and finally ends up with a channel that’s not staticy. 

‘You’d be like heaven to touch… I want to hold you so much,’ At the beginning of ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’ Virgil sinks into his hoodie: Logan casts his eyes off the road for a second, glancing at Virgil- the scrap of his face that he can see is ruby red. At least the car isn’t silent anymore, he thinks to himself. Virgil’s quiet (well, not signing), and the song plays to completion and fades into “This Guy’s In Love With You”. Virgil, if it’s possible, seems to hide even more. 

“We’re almost there, do you want me to turn it off, Virgil?” Logan suggests. 

“It’s fine.” 

“If you say so… seems like you’re hiding but…” 

“Fuck you.” 

‘Say you’re in love, in love with this guy… if not, I will just die’ 

Logan turns off the radio as they turn into the parking lot of the local sushi joint. He unbuckles his seatbelt and turns to Virgil. 

“Eat in or take out?” 

“To go,” he signs. Logan hums: maybe one day, they’ll be able to go out together for a meal. Virgil doesn’t like public places due to his anxiety, and Logan doesn’t want him to be uncomfortable and he’d never push him but… it is a classic ‘friend’ activity to go out for dinner together. It would be nice, but having a friend generally is nice and he’s not about to lose him over some stereotype. 

Virgil’s not ordinary, so why would their friendship be? 

“Come now, Virgil, let’s order,” Logan gets out of the car, helps Virgil out, locks the car. It all feels very normal, very quaint. He has to admit that he enjoys it, despite what one would think if they met him. 

Walking into the restaurant is normal. Ordering food (ordering for both of them)? Also normal. They wait for their sushi in the front, Virgil warming his hands by blowing on them. 

“Do you enjoy spending time with me?” 

The question bursts out of Logan with little warning: he doesn’t even register that he said it until after it’s out of his mouth. He’s about to rescind the words when Virgil responds. 

“Yes. Yes. I love spending time with you,” He blushes slightly, looking away, “And you make me feel safe.” 

Logan blushes: he grabs the newly presented food and goes back to the car- but Virgil grabs his sleeve. 

“Do you want to sit in the park?” Virgil asks, nervous after the flurry of hands.

“It’s freezing outside,” 

“I know,” he signs, his expression saddening slightly.

“There’s no one out here.” 

“I know, I can see. I’m mute not blind,” Virgil rolls his eyes, heading for the car already. Logan chuckles and clasps his shoulder: Virgil stiffens under his touch.

“I don’t think I said I didn’t want to,” he teases. Virgil’s eyes widen, and then a smile creeps up his lips. 

“Okay!” Logan and Virgil walk right next to each other into the park: Virgil signs quite fast that he rather likes the cold, and that the skeletal trees remind him of his favourite movie, and does Logan like Nightmare Before Christmas, and what about stop animation? And halloween movies? 

Logan chuckles and answers all of his questions, slowly fielding them back to him. Virgil never talks this much when they’re in public. It’s nice to see him opening up, Logan thinks to himself pridefully, Is this my doing? 

He doesn’t mean to preen, but it happens anyway. 

“Why are you doing that with your chest?” 

“Oh, apologies, Virgil. It was accidental.” Logan reels himself back in: it’s so strange to have to do that. He’s never done anything like that, something that breaks his front stage appearance. It’s odd: like there’s another, smaller, smiling, animated Logan inside of him. A little Logan that’s been ignored and malnourished for a while now. Virgil giggles though, and Logan stops amidst his musings to stare at him. 

That was… cute. Why was that cute? Genuinely cute, not teasingly. 

Virgil catches him staring and glares at him, though his cheeks flush. 

“What are you looking at, nerd?” 

“Ah- it’s nothing. Would you like to sit down here and eat?” Logan points to a random bench: Virgil shrugs and sits, holding his arms open for his food. Giving him his food and sitting down next to him is a battle of wills: if it was another other person, in any other situation, he’d excuse himself and leave. But it’s Virgil, and the man looks so thrilled to just sit with him: it’s his friend. He’s not abandoning him. Even if his emotions are crawling up his throat. 

The silence is amicable as they eat. The first flakes of snow start to fall, and Virgil’s attention is drawn to them immediately. He watches the snowflakes float down slowly, enraptured. 

“You’d think you’ve never seen snow before,” Logan chuckles. 

“Fuck off,” Virgil signs fluidly. He doesn’t even look at Logan, simply eats his sushi and quickly stands to spin in the snow. “It’s beautiful.” 

“Yes,” Logan agrees, as he watches Virgil laugh quietly and kick the powder around, as Virgil’s eyelashes are decorated with snowflakes, as he holds his tongue out like a child, as Virgil looks so free and unafraid in his lonesome company… “It’s quite beautiful indeed.” 

~~~~

Patton’s coming back in two weeks. The second semester is almost over, spring finally showing her colours after a frigid winter, and Logan’s almost nervous. The music in his head doesn’t help whatsoever to calm him. What if something changes? It’s not like Patton’s staying, he’s allegedly very happy at his new school, but… Logan can’t help but worry at the idea that something in their dynamic will change irreparably if Patton reenters. 

There’s nothing you can do about it, he assures himself once again, Just keep doing your job. Logan’s class lets out early, and he takes a brisk jog to meet Virgil outside his class. By now, Logan knows his schedule by heart and knows where to meet him. 

He waits outside the lecture hall, student after student exiting… he waits until it’s fifteen minutes after his class has ended. Frowning, Logan peeks inside: it’s devoid of people, even the professor. 

“Virgil?” he calls out into the empty room fruitlessly. Panic starts to rise inside of his chest as he calls for the anxious man. “Virgil? Virgil, where are you?” 

He searches each aisle of the lecture hall, calling Virgil’s cell phone. Virgil hates it when he calls him, but if he’d just pick up, it means he’s okay. Logan feels incredibly antsy as he runs out of the room, sprinting at full force (he’s a strong man) around campus calling for Virgil. He wipes at his face: he can’t have the budding tears block his vision. He needs to find Virgil. 

“Virgil, where are you? Virgil, I need to find you. Virgil, please please be okay,” he dashes around a corner and drives his heels in to stop. 

Virgil. 

His beloved hoodie in a secluded alleyway. 

Logan reaches down and grasps it: he’d never leave it alone, let alone in a public place. Logan shakily picks it up into his hands, feeling the fabric: it’s dirtied. He gently folds it and puts it under his arm.

He’s starting to walk away when he hears the muffled shout and the sound of a punch’s impact. 

“Oh, so you want to talk now, huh?” Another punch. “Fucker.” 

Logan walks purposefully in the direction of the noise: two large women and one large man are whaling on Virgil, kicks and punches and spit, who’s curled up on the paved ground in the fetal position. Logan takes out the first buff woman with a strong punch to the side of her face, the second with a well placed kick and shove. The man runs away, pulling his fellows along with him. 

“Virgil, they’re gone now. Are you alright?” 

Virgil makes a broken sob, holding his midsection with his eyes downcast, and spits out some blood. Logan sighs and bends down to Virgil’s level, and wipes his mouth with a handkerchief from his book bag. He gives Virgil his hoodie (which he takes to immediately) and rubs his back. 

I should’ve gone after them, made them pay- 

“OH MY STARS, are the two of you alright?” a fanciful voice calls out from the entrance of the alley way. 

“We just saw a trio of assholes running away with some wicked bruises-” 

“Remus, that’s not the point!” The two boys walk into the alley, one worrying with a red letterman’s jacket and coiffed hair, the other (Remus) morbidly interested with a large denim jacket and wild hair sticking up every which way. They have the same face, unnervingly, though the wilder one sports a partially-grown mustache and the other has a scar though his eyebrow. 

“Alright, alright, I’ll bite. Are you okay?” Remus asks, extending a hand to Virgil. Virgil looks away and tucks into Logan more. Remus retracts his hand with a shrug. Logan gives the both of them steely looks. 

“If you’re here to promote any more harm or mockery, I advise you to leave concurrently.” 

“Ooh, put those big words away, Daddy,” Remus mocks. His brother elbows him roughly. 

“Remus, be nice. They’ve clearly been through quite the ordeal! Greetings, I’m Roman, this is Remus. We’re in Virgil’s class, and we saw him being… escorted, one could call it-” 

“Forcibly swept away!” 

“-Thank you Remus, out of class so we followed along after reporting it to the professor. He seems to be in quite a state: is there anything we can do?” Roman finishes, rolling his eyes at his twin. Logan sighs and adjusts his glasses. He doesn’t want to accept their help. He can take care of Virgil by himself. But…

He takes a closer look at the poor beaten man, at his bloodied mouth and shirt and his bruises and scrapes and thinks beyond him. 

“I thank you for reporting it to the teacher. This is a heinous act, and I loathe to think of what would’ve happened if I arrived later or not at all,” he attempts to look thankful, but judging by their expressions, it doesn’t work. Logan pinches the bridge of his nose. “Could you alert the on campus clinic that we’ll be coming? One of you? The other can make sure they don’t come back as I take Virgil there,” with that, Logan takes a deep breath and gets to his feet, holding Virgil tightly in his embrace. Virgil turns into him, making a pained sound. 

It breaks Logan’s poor heart. My friend, my friend, my friend- he’s hurt. 

“It’s alright, Virgil. I’ve got you, you’re safe now,” he whispers to him. 

“Cute!” “Ick.” 

“Oh come on now, Remus, they’re precious!”

“I came over here for the bloody beat down! Not touchy feely lovey-dovey!” 

“I will never understand you. You’re absolutely vile,” 

“Ah, look in the mirror lately?” 

“Excuse me,” Logan growls, diverting their attention from their bickering, “Are you going to help or not?” 

“Ugh,” Remus rolls his eyes, “I guess I’ll go to the clinic.” 

“Goodbye, Remus- you see, he’s a bit of a pain, always been that way,” Roman sticks his tongue out childishly at Remus, who returns the gesture in a more lewd fashion. “Alright, let’s help the emo up,” Roman extends his hands to help: Logan turns away, holding Virgil alone. 

“He is not emo. Virgil is a selective mute,” Logan frowns at Roman. 

“Aha, it’s just a mere quip!” 

“Oh,” Logan swallows. They walk in near silence to the infirmary: How weird it is that the silence with Virgil seems familial and warm but with this Roman it feels charged and uncomfortable. 

“You aren’t a very funny guy, are you?” 

“Excuse me?” Logan glares at him through his glasses, holding Virgil tighter. 

“Take no offense, but I mean… you’re very uptight! Serious. Grumpy. Straight to the point. I’ll stop prattling on synonyms, but I think you get the point now,” Roman explains. 

“I- I’ve never thought about it that way. I presume you’re right,” he frowns. Logan’s never felt like any of those: he just likes working. And now he feels foolish: perhaps that’s the reason that he’s never gotten anywhere socially. Is it his inability to “quip”? 

Would Virgil be happier with him if he could? 

As if he heard his thoughts, Virgil winces in pain in his arms. 

“Oh! Virgil. Should I hold you differently? Are you uncomfortable?” Virgil looks up at Logan blearily: his eyes open in recognition and a full-face blush breaks out all over his face. Virgil takes a bruised hand to hide his face. 

“Awe look at ‘im! Debbie Downer is shy!” Logan whirls over to glare at Roman’s almond eyes angrily. Virgil turns away. 

“Don’t talk to him that way,” he growls. Roman flushes and stammers. 

“It was only teasing!” 

“It was hurtful, and the last thing he needs right now is that. So do me a favor and leave those quips to yourself,” he reprimands. 

“Yes, sir,” Roman salutes. Logan looks away from him and back to Virgil. 

“Hey. Why did those thugs hurt you anyway?” he questions. Virgil frowns. “You don’t have to tell me-” 

“No- I will. I was- I was singing in the bathroom,” he signs shyly. 

“Wait- how could you-” 

“Sometimes I talk when I’m alone. Or sing. I’m nervous around people, when I’m by myself it’s okay,” 

“Oh,” Logan shouldn’t feel so betrayed, he knows he shouldn’t: this is the way Virgil is, after all. He’s a selective mute. He can speak when he wants. And if he doesn’t want to speak around Logan well- it’s fine. It’s his choice. 

It shouldn’t bother Logan. 

“So those jerks beat you up purely for the angelic music of your soul? Their cruelty knows no bounds, if they were to hurt you for communicating with your soulmate! How dare they, those vile, disgusting, cotton headed ninny muggin ruffians!” Roman supplies, filling Logan’s silence with declarations of war. Virgil laughs slightly at Roman, rolling his eyes. Logan swallows his questions, his pleas for “what about me?”. 

Virgil can like whoever he wants. It doesn’t have to be just Logan. 

~~~~

Virgil had asked Logan to drive him to the airport to pick up Patton. Logan wanted to say no, to say that he didn’t want to, hell, just leave him at the airport but… Virgil’s face betrayed his excitement, and Logan couldn’t put him down. 

So now he’s waiting in the pick up zone with his car, waiting for Virgil to come back and completely ignore him again. Logan blinks.

Is that what this is about? 

Does some part of Logan, some illogical part that manipulates his feelings, worry that Patton would mean Logan’s out of the picture? Logan grips the steering wheel. It’s Virgil’s choice! If he wants to hang out with Patton, sure. Sure. It’s fine. 

Logan makes a low growl. 

It’s not fine. 

~~~~

And… there was nothing he could do. He stopped coming to visit Virgil during the mid-semester break: why should he? Virgil was with Patton. He’s happy. He doesn’t need Logan around… 

Logan hates it. He hates not going over each day, each class ending with Virgil’s tiny smile. 

He hates his soulmate, whoever he is, for singing so sadly whenever he wakes up. 

“What's the name of the game? Does it mean anything to you? What's the name of the game? Can you feel it the way I do? Tell me please, 'cause I have to know… I'm a bashful child, beginning to grow…” 

“Shut up,” Logan tells him quietly each time he goes at it again, “Shut up. I don’t want your questions, I can’t answer them.” 

Logan, for the first time in his life, isn’t happy doing his work. There’s no gratification from finishing something: there’s no hunched over man beside him gesturing wildly as he finishes so quickly. There’s no giggle as he presses his glasses higher on his nose: there’s no smack on the shoulder when he corrects his work. It’s so… so bland. Was it always like this? 

Before Virgil, was it always like this? 

Logan finishes his test and hands it in at the front: his professor gives him a confused look. Logan twitches as his soulmate starts to sing: “It's you I like… not the things you wear…” 

“Is everything okay, Mr. Adleman? You seem… listless, lately. Distracted. And you took all of the allotted time to finish your work- quite out of the ordinary, I’d say,” 

“I assure you, sir, everything is normal,” he merely says, before adjusting his bag and exiting the classroom. 

“Not the way you do your hair… but it's you I like,” 

“Shut up,” Logan murmurs under his breath, walking stiffly with his head down down the hall. His soulmate’s voice is beautiful, as beautiful as always… but Logan can’t bear it. He’s already dealing with so much! To hear his soulmate’s longing notes doesn’t help. If anything, it exasperates his issues. Logan is grumbling under his breath when he hears it: and suddenly, all his issues get worse. 

Patton’s in a classroom, with his teacher and a few students, singing to them: 

“The way you are right now… way down deep inside you…” 

“The way you are right now… way down deep inside you…” and his soulmate croons at the same time. 

“Not the things that hurt you, not your toys; they're just beside… you,” 

“Not the things that hurt you, not your toys; they're just beside… you,” 

They both stop at the same note, and Logan swallows. 

Patton. 

Patton, smiley, hazel-eyed, exuberant, talkative, Patton, is his soulmate? Patton, the Patton he’s been mildly despising for the past few days.

 I can’t believe it. But I presume… he has a right to know. And maybe we can make this work? 

“Ah… Patton,” Patton’s face whirls to Logan’s in the door, and his face lights up. Logan can’t help but set his face: aren’t soulmates supposed to elicit some kind of joy in their partners? When they finally figure it out, isn’t it supposed to be some revelation? 

“Logan!! How nice!! I haven’t seen you this whole trip, what a delight! Virgil’s been all out of sorts without you around, it seems,” Patton grins, sliding off the desk he was sitting on and walking over to Logan. 

“I- I think- I think you’re my soulmate,” he stammers. 

“What?” 

“I- I heard your singing, in my head, as you were singing in here-” 

“Oh my god. No, no, Logan,” Patton smiles at Logan tearfully, his hands landing on his shoulders, “That was Virgil. I started singing that song because Virgil was singing it again when I left.” 

“That’s- that’s impossible how-”

“If you need any more proof, then just look at my soulmate: I met him at school, he flew in after me,” Patton smiles dreamily and waves at a man sitting in the corner, typing on his phone: he has two black forearm crutches and deep burn scars  across the left side of his face. 

“Hullo,” he greets from the other side of the room, “I’m Janus. Pleasure, fellow Patton soulmate,” Logan’s mouth dries as Patton giggles. 

“It’s really Virgil. That- that makes a lot of sense but- I can’t believe it-” 

“Okay, how about this, Lo?” Logan’s nose scrunches at the nickname, “I’m going to send a message to Virgil: and you go sneak back to the apartment. He’ll sing. It’ll match up. Then you have to confess. He’s thought he’s been alone… for so long. He’ll be so happy: so thrilled to have a soulmate… even more so if it’s you.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Patton shakes his head, chuckling. Logan looks away: his teary eyes are too much for him. Logan clears his throat. 

“Let our third go, Pat!” Janus calls, his voice smooth. Logan casts him a glare, though he blushes, and walks off. Thousands of thoughts swirl through his head, clouding his vision. He almost loses his way to the dorms. His mind is so full, so so so full, and then a voice breaks through it all. 

“If I could ride a bike, I’d zoom around the world, with you sitting there behind me…” 

Logan’s breath hitches. If that’s Virgil, he hates not seeing it before. Meeting him and not loving him right away. Not beating around the bush. But embracing him with everything he is, using all he knows to help all he needs. 

“I’ll take you to places, past several faces… just livin life so carefree. If I could sail a boat, I'd cruise across the seas, a sweet adventure for us two,” 

His pace increases as he gets to the dorms: he runs up the stairs maybe a little too fast. The music increases in volume but perhaps it’s in his head. The door to Virgil’s room is cracked open. 

“I'll be Jack and you Rose, just please don’t let me go, cause I'll be nothing without you. Oh when you call me… I'm drifting on clouds, like I'm dreaming,” 

Logan’s footsteps falter as he peers through the door. Virgil, with a guitar, singing those notes so sweetly. It matches up in his head, it matches perfectly, and despite himself, Logan starts to er up. It’s perfect harmony, it makes his heart swell and the whole world brightens. 

This is what it’s supposed to be like.  This is my soulmate. Virgil’s voice rises and falls, and it becomes so mind numbingly soft. 

“But in the morning, I'll wake up and see that you're stuck… here with me,” Virgil sings, his voice sad, “If only you knew, what I would do for you. I'd jump up and hold you… so tightly…” Virgil sobs, “Logan. Logan. I’m sorry. Whatever I did. I’m sorry. I miss you.” 

Logan’s chest pulls. His voice is like an angel. Virgil, his soulmate, wants him back. Everything he thought… was wrong. He needs to tell him, he needs to- 

No. No, it would embarrass both of them, and Virgil’s anxious. He needs to do it in a way that would make no room for error, no room for suspicion of any foul intent. 

Logan… needs to sing. 

~~~~ 

It’s all planned out, only a few days later. The sun is out, the weather is warm. Patton has Virgil entertained, introducing him to Janus in the front lawn. Roman and Remus are keeping people away in their respective fashions so that they have privacy. Logan adjusts his tie, getting ready in their apartment. He wants to have the song at it’s apex before meeting him as his soulmate. 

Logan clutches the ring in his pocket: a customary soulmate ring, black and fitted to Virgil’s finger. They haven’t been together, and he doesn’t have to accept it of course but… he wants to do this right.  

This has to be perfect. 

He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth to sing. 

“I'm nothing special, in fact I'm a bit of a bore… If I tell a joke, you've probably heard it before,” Logan sings softly. He chuckles- something so foriegn to him, so averse to what he wanted to do just a week ago- and he doesn’t sound bad. As he sings the next few lines, he runs out to the window by the elevators and can just barely make out Virgil on a picnic blanket rising to his feet and looking around confusedly. Logan carefully walks down the stairs, taking his time as he goes: 

“So I say- thank you for the music, the songs I’m singing. Thank you for all the joy they’re bringing: who can live without it? I asked in all honesty, what would life be- without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it… to me,” he sings, breaking out into the fresh air. Logan sings the next few stanzas under his breath, making his way to Virgil’s picnic spot. Virgil’s standing up, shaking Patton’s shoulder and signing wildly. 

“I've been so lucky, I am the girl with golden hair: I wanna sing it out to everybody…. What a joy, what a life, what a chance!” his voice rises as he nears the grass, heart beating wildly. 

Virgil’s fallen to his knees, his crying sounding even from where Logan stands, dozens of feet away. 

“Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing. Thanks for all the joy they're bringing. Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty… What would life be? Without a song or a dance what are we? So I say thank you for the music,” he’s suddenly close, standing at Virgil. Virgil looks up, tears running down his face. He gasps: he smiles: he laughs. “For giving it to me.” 

Virgil stumbles to his feet, and wraps his arms around Logan’s middle. He chuckles, and hugs him back, squeezing him tightly. Virgil cries into his chest, hiccuping and laughing all the same. 

“So I say,” he rubs his back, and presses a light kiss into his hair, “Thank you for the music, for giving it… to me.” 

There’s no fanfare, no wild confetti or cheering. It’s quiet, as Patton and Janus laugh and Virgil tearily accepts his ring before digging back into his chest. It would be perfect like this but then… 

“Logan,” Virgil whispers, hiding in his chest, “Logan.” It’s so quiet, but it makes his heart burst in joy. Virgil didn’t have to say anything, he would love him anyway, but it shows. It shows the trust. 

“Surprise,” he whispers back, pulling him in closer. “Thank you. For everything, Virgil.”

~~~~~

The End! Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed! 

Taglists:

Anything & Everything: @myraiswack, @blindtaleteller, @head-over-heart, @karushinekomiya

Sides of the Sanders: @a-goldengirl-in-a-condominium246 

If you enjoyed, please reblog- it truly means the world.

Want to be tagged on other works in this genre or just generally? Asks, DMs, or comments are all wonderful.

Liked it a whole coffee’s worth? Here’s my Ko-fi.

#analogical #mociet #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fandom #soulmate au #sanders sides soulmate au #logan #virgil #patton #logan sanders #virgil sanders #thank you for the music #logan x virgil

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

just because you’re afraid it doesn’t mean you’re broken.

Titans 3.05

once more into the cold dark void of the internet with my stream-of-consciousness take on a superhero tv show...

spoilers ahead.

1. i cannot believe that among the first things i get to hear in this episode with my own two ears is the line 'eluded our overdudes'. why must you give me such pain along with so much joy, show?

1.5. scarecrow stringing jason along on this path to red-hood-dom is not something i would’ve ever expected, but does kind of make sense. 

1.55. i don’t know all the details of the original resurrection arc in the comics but i like that jason, weirdly, has a greater role to play in his own demise and rebirth? i think it makes it easier to draw a line between his past trauma, the demonstrably shitty and terrifying responsibility of being robin, the ways bruce and the titans wronged him, his responses to that, the reasons he turns to scarecrow, and his final evolution to red hood. it makes for a smoother character arc rather than a one that was interrupted for two decades before somebody went oh hey let’s resurrect that kid that the audience once voted to kill and make him an anti-hero!

1.75. what’s crane giving him? anti fear toxin? anyway, crane is a fucking creep and i’m not sure i want to see a whole lot of him on my screen.

2. oh, um, heads up: there’s a long sequence of unsteady cam + flickering lights right after the title card upto the 3:16 mark. it’s a bit headache-inducing so if you want to skip, you can go ahead and do that. 

2.45. that’s... weird... why would he dream about... donna...

ok, who am i kidding. i’m going to jump right into my theory about Why Titans Makes Sense Actually because the show itself is apparently not interested in explaining itself:

a) it makes no sense for jason to be conjuring up donna--who famously did not care much for him!--in his dreams. (he wasn’t even there when she died.) or for her to be telling him don’t go or there’s still time.

b) this leads me to think that that’s actually donna, in some sort of limbo between life and death, the kind of place where jericho used to be

c) rachel has demonstrated that she has the power to link the minds of the titans across great distances--she called jason and hank/dawn for help in 2.01, she linked up everybody later in the season, projected dick’s hallucination of his father into their brains without even realising she was doing it, and in the finale, she managed to get dick into conner’s brain. she’s in themyscira now. is this how she gets donna back to life? but reaching out to her in that non-space between life and death?

d) the next obvious question is: why isn’t donna appearing in the dreams of the other titans? she probably is, but they have better reason to be dreaming about her since they were actually close to her, unlike jason.

e) but why would she warn jason in particular? does she foresee jason entering the afterlife--however briefly? does she have an idea of what jason plans to do and what he will become?

f) anyway, more trippy mindscapes and weird psychic powers, yay!

2.5. my heart clenched when bruce comforted jason post-nightmare: clearly i’ve been reading way too much batfam fic. this is a side of bruce we haven’t really been told to expect by all the characters on the show calling him a ‘psychopath’ (*cough*unreliablenarrators*cough*) and him getting jason to speak to a professional speaks volumes about the kind of self-reflection he’s done post dick’s departure, and maybe some of the regrets he has with regards to how he dealt with dick’s traumas.

i mean, just look at him when jason dismisses his concerns! BRUCE IS TRYING JASON

anyway, i have a whole lot more i want to say about this, but i’ll save it for later. 

also: LESLIE THOMPKINS!!!!

3. i really like molly--and i love that she’s a friend from before jason got taken in by bruce, the implication that they meet up regularly and that she’s a grounding influence on him (tho clearly not grounding enough to not go along with his dumbass idea about confronting a child trafficker alone). 

3.5. aw, jason. robin was his armour against everything in the world that would throw him down and chew him to bits, but san francisco proved that even robin wasn’t enough to protect him. it’s really interesting how ‘disillusionment with the idea of robin’ is so integral to the traumas of both dick and jason but in such different ways. 

4. LESLIE!!!!!!! i even forgive her office being so goddamn blue because leslie! 

4.5. it makes so much sense for titans!verse leslie to be a therapist, because this show is so inward looking anyway, and therapist sessions are a useful tool to showcase this character work in a story. besides, at least in fanfic, leslie often seems to double up as a counsellor anyway. 

4.6. oh man. i’m not terribly convinced by walters’ red hood (tho i think that may be the point--argh. i’ll come back to this thought later. have to stop getting distracted!) but he plays the asshole kid that’s trying not to let any real emotion seep through really well.

“you’d like me to punch you, wouldn’t you”

5. not sure what to think of batman’s little trophy case other than the show winking unsubtly at us and going look look - catwoman! the riddler! two face! you excited yet?! it’s like the scene from the end of amazing spiderman 2 when they were trying to drum up excitement for a sinister six spinoff by having harry osborne walk by a bunch of display cases with stuff from iconic villains in them.

... but then again, bruce does like to display a lot of shit in his batcave, including his dead robin’s bloodstained costume, so.

5.5. bruce is so soft with jason it’s killing me. beyond just trying to learn from his mistakes with dick, it speaks to his own genuine desire to balance his dedication to gotham with doing the best by his sons, although he’s often not successful with that. 

i love that titans is really playing the long game with bruce wayne, with each season and character-perspective sliding in fresh pieces of a bigger puzzle. titans’ bruce has always been a phantom of other peoples’ making, but now we’re getting the idea that he’s a whole lot more complicated than other people make it seem.

5.75. it really recontextualises some of his actions from previous seasons: the fact that he locked dick out of his security systems in 1.06 is likely his way of respecting dick’s independence and his desire not to be associated with batman/gotham anymore. jason knowing about bruce’s tracker while dick doesn’t is probably bruce trying to be more honest and upfront with his charges. bruce sending jason packing off to sanfran to spend time with the titans is probably not him passing on a big responsibility to dick (as i first uncharitably thought) but him trying to get jason out of the toxic influence of gotham for a while and a sign of his trust in dick as a leader and a mentor,

5.8. i mean, bruce is a prick, but he’s also human.

6. i think leslie is doing some good work with jason here, though she may have overstepped the line with her line about robin as a construct being projected by a man with BPD. her speculations about bruce’s diagnosis have no place in her session with jason, and if bruce confides in her, an egregious violation of patient-therapist confidentiality. 

(about the diagnosis itself... i don’t know. i can’t really confirm or refute this without a whole lot more information, and i’m not sure if the writer of this episode means BPD in the same way an actual professional might.)

6.5. i think a huge thing that gets missed out in a lot of recent comics as well as movies/shows is that bruce didn’t create the robin persona out of whole cloth. dick did. he’s the starting point of that legacy and to call it entirely bruce’s creation is blatant erasure of that. in fact, i’m surprised that dick doesn’t feature more in the conversations they’re having about the pressures of being robin. after all, the guy had been robin--bruce’s partner--for such a long time before jason. 

6.8. (and here’s the primal part of me that resonates the deepest with dick grayson--the Eldest Daughter part--that’s sort of resentful: that jason gets the therapy and softness and the learning from mistakes when it took years and years for bruce to reach out in any meaningful way to dick.)

7. oooh that was a great scene!

it’s fun to do these stream-of-consciousness live reactions, because the moment you step down from your soapbox, the episode goes right into tackling what you were just complaining about. bruce means well, he’s learning, but he goes about exactly the wrong way to help jason: taking away robin now can’t be read by jason as anything but a devastating judgment call from bruce. and iain glen really sells the moment that bruce realises this--too late--and his helplessness in trying to get jason to see that it isn’t jason’s fault that he’s trying to do this. he loves jason enough that jason is enough. 

7.5. aaaah so jason brings up the elephant in the room at last. dick got everything makes sense from his perspective, where getting to put on a costume and fight crime means approval, means being something stronger and better than you are. dick got to be robin, then nightwing, and a leader of a whole team of other costume-clad heroes. 

8. ... how did jason just walk into arkham????? this is ridiculous.

8.3. i mean, clearly jason’s not thinking straight, but betraying batman like this puts his possibilities of being robin again even further away. 

8.5. watching that chemistry experiment montage was strangely funny. this guy is looking for an antidote to fear? well, constantly mixing up and inhaling gases concocted by a mad-scientist supervillain is something only the very fearless--reckless to the point of foolishness!--would do. what’s to say crane’s not given you a formula for a drug that will keep you tethered to his every will and whim? hmmmm?

8.7. so he sought out the joker to... test the formula??? 

9. wow the “loud and clear... boss” hits different after a whole episode of them referring to each other as father and son.

9.3. waitwaitwait HOLD UP. wait a DANG MINUTE. you’re telling me that scarecrow had enough resources that he could not only have folks on the outside steal jason away and dunk him in a lazarus pit (i TOLD you that this show would bring up and dismiss ra’s al ghul in a ten second aside! I TOLD YOU) but also have his own little chemistry lab in the basement, AND have enough resources for jason to build his red hood persona???????? all of this in barely twenty four hours?

well there goes my ‘jason orchestrated his death’ theory. it was nice while it lasted. *cups hands to the sky* fly away, my baby.

9.6. a part of me is gleeful at the rushed nature of such an iconic transformation though, especially when compared to all the character work that went before it. we’re so used to getting the opposite that it’s fucking delightful to have a show that’s more interested in exploring its characters’ minds rather than battle scenes or recreating transformations from the comics. that’s taken such bold and exciting steps to fully convey all the nuances of its most recognisable character, bruce wayne, from casting an older actor to play him to unflinchingly showing just how damaging the vigilante lifestyle has been to him and the people he loves. BRILLIANT

*sporfle*

10. again, heads up: a whole lot of flashing lights between 40:28 and 42:00. 

10.3. i guess it’s the super-compressed timeline that’s really throwing me off. where did he have the time to get/develop the mind control thing from? or is it something that he got from the cabal of villains that he intimidated at the beginning of 3.02? very messy.

10.5. i love molly, i hope she shows up again this season.

11. aaaand that’s it! that was a solid episode as flashback episodes go, but now i can’t wait to return to the present.

#titans #titans spoilers #meta #jason todd #bruce wayne #leslie thompkins #a tragic jalebi #robin #red hood

[iamdarkness]

To Feed a Tiger. Forces of Will.3

Chapter 3

Alfonse x Summoner, Alfonse X Summoner X Lif

And one sided (as of now) Dimitri X Summoner X Alfonse X Lif

Triggers for talk about mental health. It is Feral Dimitri after all. Mentions of death and depressive thoughts.

Sexual Harassment and maybe more than that.

Incest. (Freyr and mentions of Freya). Rater R for a little graphic scenes of battle and character death. Nothing we have not seen in the game itself.

-Hrid…- You hear Sharena say under her breath and it feels like all the happiness has been drained from her voice. Of course she would feel sad. Her big brother meant so much to her and seeing him suffer would make her suffer as well. They were so close. He was her best friend, confidant, protector and hero. Watching him so defeated had been a shock and more so that she herself had not reacted fast enough to prevent this. In a way she felt responsible as well.

-Summoner _______. Princess Sharena. Heroes. It is a pleasure to be your guest again.- Hrid says when he is close enough to take your hand and Sharena’s. His hand lingers on yours and you take it back to take Princess Laegjan’s.

- It is indeed as King Hrid has said, a pleasure to be here again.- Laegjarn says as she takes your hand and Sharena’s, her piercing red eyes watch you searchingly.

You greet them equally and introduce your heroes by name and title. You will not have them be nameless heroes to no one. They deserve to be treated, like the heroes that they are. As if sensing your unrest and because he has dreamed of your pain Freyr comes and stand by your side . He blocks Hrid from getting too close to you. You hear young Claude snicker behind you.

-How was your trip to the beach Summoner? I would have liked to come sooner so we could meet you there, but we had a little delay.

- It was great! We even had a sand castle contest and a nice nap.

-They even got a great tan!- Said King Claude nodding to Freyr in particular and you turn to give him a fake angry look. You notice he is watching Alfonse and he winks at him. Alfonse looks like he understands something unspoken.

- I will cherish mine. It was a wonderful and invigorating nap.- Says Lord Freyr to bring attention to his chest and he “looks” sideways to smile at you.

- I can’t say the same about mine my Lord! It stings a lot!- You tell him smiling.

- Yeah we got the wrong lotion, so now we need to go to the infirmary to get fixed up.- Said Sharena sheepishly. You notice Alfonse and Hrid are looking at Freyr’s bare chest. They can clearly see the white mark of your arm on it. Hrid looked a little scandalized and Alfonse… he looked amused. He looks sideways at Hrid.

-Is that…?

-Oh it’s my hand. I kind of hugged him while I was sleeping. Now if you all don’t mind. We need to get to the infirmary. I’ll see you all at the meeting.- You say and leave with the rest of your group to the infirmary. You hear Alfonse talking to Hrid.

-Everyone loves our Summoner. Some more than others and in different ways.- And there is a hint of humor in his words. <<At least he is having fun.>>

~*~

The meeting lasted three hours. Besides the heroes Anna had asked to attend, you had asked Hero King Marth, who was the oldest of the Marths and with more experience, Micaiah, King Claude and Lord Freyr. You were sitting between the former two. They had sat themselves with you in between before Hrid had claimed the chair next to you. You had seen Claude talking to Alfonse and thought they had a plan to distract Hrid or may be just make him re think his life. There was no announcement about the engagement, but Hrid said the royal ball that was supposed to take place in two wees was pushed back for two months. This would give them all time to prepare and gather more information.

- I also hope that by then it will be two good news to announce and not just one.- He tells you and Fjorm when the meeting was over. You feel Fjorm’s cold hand take yours and give it a squeeze.- Dear summoner, would you be so kind to sit by my side at dinner? I would very much like to talk about some important things with you.

-Sure.- You agree to it because, you want him to give you a reason to tell him you are not interested. Alfonse and Fjorm did not sacrificed themselves, for this man to think you are going to fall at his feet after a dinner. Besides, you were sure Claude and Alfonse were planing something and you trusted them. You turned to Fjorm and winked to let her know you got this. She blushed at this.

Once at dinner you do sit by his side. Commander Anna is sitting at the head of the table.Alfonse is sitting about three chairs from you, between Fjorm and Sharena. The chair next to you is the other head of the table and it is still empty. Suddenly, you see F Dimitri come inside the dinning hall. He seldom comes in here and you signal for him to come and sit by your side. He complies. Claude and Freyr sit on the chairs in front of you and Hrid.

Dimitri was dressed in a dressy black suit with blue cape that Forest had designed for you to give him. His hair was up in a ponytail.

-Dimitri. You look so handsome! Did you like the clothes?

-Thank you _______. I…they feel comfortable.- He says and his face is crimson red.

All through dinner Freyr and Claude kept on talking to you and taking your attention from Hrid. Claude was blatantly flirting and Freyr...you were looking at a different side of him, to be sure. It must have been because as someone who could be in your dreams, had the ability to see things others didn’t and know things about you that no one else understood, but he got your sense of humor. Something even Alfonse had, had trouble to adjust to, not understanding your references and knowledge. You had to read his same books to be able to make new references and jokes. After years of being together he had taken your humor and understood what you meant and some of the heroes even used your slang. Freyr was different. He knew stuff and he used the obscure references to make you laugh and it gave the conversation a more intimate feel.

Still you were giving Dimitri all the attention you could because he was important to you and wanted to make him feel that he was cared for.

-We should go to the beach tomorrow and make it a drink contest.- Says Claude smiling at you.

-Oh my Lord give me patience! I am not taking you to get drunk Claude. I have never seen you drunk, but let me tell you; you do not need it.

-I can not give you patience child. Only good dreams and many children.- Lord Freyr says smiling at you. Hrid stops eating to look at him. You notice Claude and Dimitri are doing the same. You laugh at it. You keep forgetting he is the god of fertility as well. Freyr turns to them and says amused.

-I am the god of dreams and fertility. Do you want my blessing?- He turned his closed eyes at Claude who laughed out laud and bring his hands off in a guarding motion.

Everyone seemed to breath again.

-Wait have you given ______ your blessing?- Claude asks and winks at you. You feel your cheeks heat up.

-I would give her, as many children as she desires.- He answers Claude. The wording is very on purpose and it seems it is not lost on the people sitting at the table. You hear Hrid chock on his food.<< Oh God! What are these guys doing!?>> You spy a look at Alfonse and he looks amused if not a little red faced and concerned, but amused non the less. You give Hrid your glass of water to drink and wait to see if he needs you to perform the whatever maneuver. He drinks the water and start breathing right. He thanks you with a blush to his cheeks. He looks mortified about the incident.

-Yes Claude. I’ll be having thirteen children.- You say the first number that comes to your mind.

- I’m going to need a bigger table at home then.- His eyes twinkle with mischief.

-You better. My whole soccer team and I will be visiting you often.- You hear sounds of laughter coming from various sides of the table.

-Hey! I meant children with my beautiful green eyes.- He wiggles his brows.

-Well you better start looking for a wife then, because those are a lot of kids to have. You better start soon.

-That is so mean!- He says fake hurt, dramatically touching his heart.

-You gave Dimitri your blessing.- Dimitri says suddenly, breaking the conversation and looking at Claude in a cold and annoyed manner. He is asking Freyr about baby Dimitri.

-May he never lack good dreams. They are the rest of the mind and the refuge of the soul.

-God, that is so true. I’m tired of dreaming of going to battle and finding my self back in school butt naked - You hear a noise like someone almost spit their drink. Hrid by your side actually laughs.- or zombies in the battlefield eating my heroes. The living dead. - You elaborate after you see Hrid’s confused expression.

-Are you afraid of school and the risen?- Asks Hrid trying to catch your attention away from Freyr and specially Claude.

-Heck no! Zombies are rotten corpses that eat the living like wild rabid animals. I used to watch a lot of moving pictures about them before coming to live here. I’m cool with risen. I even like the red eyes. I like red eyes. They’re kind of sexy, depending of whoever has them.- Of course you are talking about Lif.- And school…I mean…the bad part is finding yourself butt naked in a public place.

-I wonder what that dream means if it is a recurring dream.

-I think it means…- You get cut short by the conversation in the table next to yours.

-Oh You heard that Lord Corrin? The summoner finds red eyes sexy!- You hear Nile’s voice loudly tell Corrin.

-What the hell Niles! Why are you listening to my conversation?- You throw him your balled up napkin. He only laughs. Corrin who is sitting by his side, hits him with his elbow. You hear an “Ouch” followed by Niles laughing.

-Summoner you were talking loud enough for the whole kingdom. This makes you laugh too.

You look sideways at Alfonse who is talking to Fjorm. She seems to disagree with something he said, sighs and nods.

After a while when some of the heroes start to get up from the tables you hear Alfonse clear his throat. Claude is looking at him and you turn just in time to see Fjorm say something to Hrid.

-_______. Would you care to sing something for us?- Asks Hrid.

-Right now?- <<Are this guys trying to kill me of embarrassment?>>

-Yes _____! Sing that song you sing with the guys on campaigns! - That was Claude.- Make it to Freya like last time! You don’t mind, do you?- He asks Freyr. Freyr shakes his dead.

<<WTH is he talking about?>> there are many songs you like singing with the heroes when in campaigns by the fire light so you are kind of confused. He makes a gesture and you get it.

-Oh…Fine.- You agree mostly because that song does not need the best of voices. You lean in to talk softly to Dimitri.- Dimitri. It is going to get loud.- He nods at you like he is ready.- You look around and catch Shigure’s eye and signal to him. He goes pink but nods.

-When a humble bard…-There was a choir of whistles, “Yeah!”s and shouts.

Graced a ride along

With Geralt of Rivia

Along came this song.

From when the White Wolf fought

A silver-tongued devil

Her army of elves

At her hooves did they revel . - Freyr does look entertained.

They came after me- Shigure stands and sings alongside you.

With masterful deceit

Broke down my lute

And they kicked in my teeth

While the devil's horns

Minced our tender meat

And so cried the Witcher

She can't be bleat

Toss a coin to your Witcher -Everyone starts singing. Hrid’s brows are knitted and he is looking around to see everyone singing. Even some of the heroes like Tibarn who had gone out had come back to sing.

O' Valley of Plenty

O' Valley of Plenty, oh

Toss a coin to your Witcher

O' Valley of Plenty

(Rest of the verses here)

Toss a coin to your Witcher

O' Valley of Plenty

O' Valley of Plenty, oh

Toss a coin to your Witcher

A friend of humanity X3 - You leave the last choir to Claude who has the perfect voice for the part. ( 1)

By the time you finish the song everyone starts screaming. You have no idea why they like that song so much but every time you all sing it; it feels like you are all pirates or something.

-Goddess! I love that song. For a minute I felt I was in a tavern somewhere in a town far away riddled with monsters and villains.- Says Claude.

-You mean Fodlan taverns anywhere?- Asks Dimitri. He sounds serious, but the gruffness of his voice is gone and it makes you happy to see him put the effort to joke around. Claude laughs out loud and can only nod to agree.

All around you could hear the heroes talking excitedly about one thing or another. Some where inviting others to the town tavern. Others like Lady Camilla is heard telling someone something like “We should dress like pirates next Pirate Festival dear!”.

-That was something, you don’t see every day.- Says Hrid smiling and he looks entertained.- You are something else summoner. Who is the Witcher?

-Freyr.- Says Claude at the same time that Freyr says your name.

- It is a story about a monster hunter called Geralt of Rivia, that is sent to fight a half goat or ram and half man who was helping some elves, who were the “terror” of the nearby towns. I changed it for Lady Freya and her dark elves, who we had to fight in our dreams some time ago, with the help of Lord Freyr. I say the Witcher would be Lord Freyr. He was the one who gave up his life to save us. I summoned him some time ago.- You raise your cup to him in a toast. He smiles at you.- Besides he has the long white hair and beautiful golden eyes.- Hrid looks at Freyr and Freyr opens his eyes to reveal his beautiful eyes. They are a liquid, luminous gold color. They glow as if with the light of liquid fire but not quite lava.

-I thought he was blind.- He says in wonder. You could understand him. Lord Freyr was a beauty to behold. Even in his animal form he was the most beautiful being you had ever seen. Even the ethereal beauty of Lady Freya was nothing compared to him. Everyone was either a little jealous of him, felt intimidated by him, or had a crush on him.

-Just sleeping. - Freyr says calmly.

-Talking about sleeping. I need to get the younglings to bed. Dimitri what are you going to do?

-Whatever you ask of me.- He says readily eyeing Hrid. He has noticed how clingy he seemed to be with you and he does not trust him.

-I would like you to come with me on my patrols tonight; if that is alright with you. -His brows furrow and he gives Alfonse a long look. Alfonse seems to be listening but avoids looking at you.

-I will come with you.

-Hey I thought I was coming with you my dear!- Says Claude.

-You can come to get the kids to bed if you want to. I am going to need a handsome prince for tonight’s fairy tale and Marth is busy.- You tell him teasingly. Hero King Marth who is walking by looks your way and blushes.

-That is so cruel.- He says and pouts.

-Summoner. I was wondering if you would like to take a walk with me in the gardens or I could take the watch with you.- Says Hrid.

-Omm, I really need to take Dimitri. There are things I would like to talk about with him, but if you do not mind you can come to story time and then take a walk. Since my prince charming is sulking right now. It looks like he does not want to cooperate.- You notice Claude is looking at Alfonse and you have this distinct feeling that surprises will keep happening before the night was out.

<<Seriously guys? Like my heroes need to be told to do weird crap.>>

Dimitri went to prepare for your watch together, but before he left, you saw him frown at Hrid who returned it with a cold look. This of course annoyed you to no end because no one treats your babies that way. You go to the living area where the children gather every night for a hero to tell them a tale. You do this twice a week, usually with Alfonse by your side. You really wanted to be petty and reenact Frozen with Hrid as the prince, but you remember Anna and Alfonse said to treat him right.

<<Fine>>

When you are done with the kids you and Hrid go take that walk in the garden and decide that if he starts coming on to you; you will have to nicely let him down. You are even waiting for the chance. You are sitting on a bench around the entrance that lead to the Eastern stables. Hrid has like the spot to take a rest and sit as close to you as possible. Lucky for you the hour was still early enough that many heroes are still around and you do not feel uncomfortable.

- The heroes are very fond of you _____. It is very impressive to see. I have been told so many things about you and I thought it would be impossible for someone to posses so many qualities like you; but I can see that not only are all of those rumors true…they do not make you justice . I can see what you do for the heroes and for the people. I was told you aided in a birthing yesterday.-You nod but say nothing when he keeps talking.- I remember the first time I saw you. You came to help heal me and ask if I needed anything. My sister Gunnthra was so fond of you. She believes you are destined to be part of our family. I can only agree with her good judgement.

- I feel very humbled by her favor towards me. I…- Just thinking about her, and her horrible demise brought tears to your eyes.- I wish I had, had more time to know her better. Sometimes… I wish I could see her in a dream and see her happy again. I also wish I could save Fjorm…from everything. -He looks moved by your statement but he has no idea that he is the one you want to save her from.

-It may do her good to spend a weekend at home. You could come and visit with her. It would bring us happiness if you did. It would make me very happy.- He says and takes your hand in his cold one.

-I think it would be good for her to do so, but I am afraid that as long as there is a war; my place is here and I can’t take more than a day off every week. You see…I…-There is a pause since you were distracted by someone walking on your far left, as if trying to not be seen.- Hey!! Valter? You are back!. What do you have there?- You get up and walk towards the tall man.

-A shake…- He says . He has heard you say that to other people jokingly. He is not turning around to face you and has something big on his shoulder.

- Valter?- He finally turns around and you see he is all bloody from a wound on his arm and leg. There are gashes as if from big paws.- Oh god Valter! You are hurt! Let me see! You’ve been gone for three days! I know you came early but look at you!

-I am fine summoner. I will go to the healers in a while. Here.- He lowers the thing he has been holding on his shoulder.- I gift you the man eater,that has been plaguing the villagers in the Western villages.- He places the mountain lion at your feet. His tall figure kneeling on one knee to better show his prey.

- A fine prey Valter. I could not have chosen a better hunter. -He smiles with pride. At first you and Valter had not see eye to eye, with his way of trying to make you be afraid of him and calling you prey.  Alter he had a lot of talking to by Alfonse and Leon/ Fomortiis, you had come to an understanding and now It was a better relationship. You may not trust him as a person but you trusted him to be himself and now you had a better understanding of his motivations and personality. You also valued and respect his skills.- I thank you for an excellent job.- You take our your handkerchief and clean his mouth. It is dripping with blood and it is not his.

-Will you partake of it Summoner?- He asks lifting it up to his shoulder again.

-Of course, but only after it is cooked if you don’t mind. Are you going to skin it in the kitchen? -He nods- I’ll go take a look during my watch. Valter don’t eat it raw! Those cats have worms in their meat. - He nods and smears your cheek with blood. - Valter…- you whine at his retreating back. He gives a loud laugh.

- Was he drinking its blood?

- Yeah, probably.- You say whipping the blood off of your face.- I’ve told him not to eat it raw. I am afraid he is going to get sick in the long run, but he told me he was not going to live that long. Now I am seriously thinking of not returning him to his world… I’m gonna have to adopt him or something. - You notice now Hrid is looking at you a little open mouthed.

<<What did I do?>>

-Summoner!- You hear the shout of a familiar voice. You see a mop of white hair shinning bright in the light of the torches. His red eyes burning with annoyance.- Naga’s brat changed his patrol to be my partner. Did you allowed this?

-No Mr. Grima. I didn’t know about this. Which of them?

-The first one…the one from the river.- <<Oh Marth>> He says it pouting. You take his hand.

- Grima, dear. You have to understand that sometimes people may want to be your friend. Has he ask you about Robin?

-No. Never.

-See? He is not interested in returning Robin like Chrom wanted to, not only because he has never been friends with Robin before, but because he knows quite well there is only you in that body. What he wants is to be your friend. You see, like you; Hero King Marth was summoned after death. He will be staying here after the war, like you. I have talked to him already Grima dear. He has no evil intention towards you. He just wants to be your friend.- He looks to his side and thinks for a moment.

-Fine worm; but if he so much as thinks about “bringing back” Robin, I’ll eat him.- He is still kind of pouting and kind of bashful about it. You ruffle his hair playfully. He growls but lowers his head to rest on your shoulder.

-Come here you grumpy dragon. -You give him a hug.- Give the man the chance you gave me and Alfonse. And if he so much as hurt a single hair of my -You whisper so only he can hear- Baby dragon ( 2 )…I will personally behead him or something.

-Don’t call me that worm!- then he adds in a softer tone-…eat him…- He sounds angry to other people but you know him well. He does not move his head. You don’t know it, but he sends Hrid a venomous look.

-I’ll eat him whole Grima. He’ll make some great tacos or burgers, sausages…Ug! I grossed my self out now.-  You say laughing. He gives you a low laugh as well.- I didn’t see you at dinner Grima.

-I was busy training.

-I know. Here if you go to the kitchen and get something to eat’ I’ll give you this candy…but don’t tell Gaius about it.- He lets go.- Oh Valter is there with this mountain lion he killed. We ate roasted beef.- He makes a face. He dislikes Valter and mountain lion.

-I don’t like mountain lion. Fine. I’ll eat him instead.- He says smirking and turning to leave.

-No Grima! You’ll get sick!- You say laughing hard. You know he is kidding.

-That…That is the Fell Dragon Grima?- Asks Hrid when Grima is gone. You nod smiling.- The terror and destroyer of the world?- He looked at your face and can almost see pride in them, like a mother showing off his child who has done something great. And of course you feel pride. Grima was loved and happy. He no longer wanted to avenge himself, he wanted to be loved and be accepted. This was a big win for you.

The rest of the walk is spend like this. You walk for a while and then a hero shows up and take your attention away from Hrid. He seems a little frustrated but at the same time, that look he gives you, like you are something precious does not fade from his eyes. It is the time for you to go and you are about to say good night when he asks something of you.

-This night has been wonderful. I have seen you work your magic and the more I see, the more I think you would be a great queen.

<<Oh crap!>>- I am just a regular person who wants what’s best for her people and home. -<<Yeah sound more patriotic why don’t you?>>

- I know. That is the reason. I - He makes along pause and seems to change his mind on what he wanted to say.- I know, I asked this of you before but, I really would like to hear you sing. Only this time. Would you sing a love song? What would you sing to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

-I really am not that great a singer. I just like music a lot and since I came here I lost my… music so I sing it, to not for get it… besides I…that is very personal.- You say uncomfortable. This was going sideways fast and you knew it.

-I understand. I also understand you do not know me enough to fall in love with me. You must know by now I wanted ask for your hand in marriage, but I will not push it. I just want to hear what Fjorm has heard. It would make me really happy.

You think about it and realize that how worst could it really get? It was not like you were going to accept him any way. -OK, let’s walk this way.- You tell him and start singing when you are almost under Alfonse’s balcony.

I say I'll move the mountains

And I'll move the mountains

If he wants them out of the way. -- It did feel like you had to move a mountain to reach Alfonse, when you had just met. Now

look at you now. You could barely part from each other.

Crazy he calls me

Sure, I'm crazy

Crazy in love, I say.

I say I'll go through fire

And I'll go through fire -- There are flashes of you fighting alongside Alfonse to beat Surtr.

As he wants it, so shall it be

Crazy he calls me

Sure, I'm crazy

Crazy in love, you see.

Like the wind that shakes the bough

He moves me with a smile -- Yo see him in your mind’s eye smiling that rare sweet smile he has only for a few precious people and you.

The difficult I'll do right now --Well you did gave him an army of heroes and manage it well.

The impossible will take a little while -- And you will end the war and win it for him.

I say I'll wait forever --You look up to his window. Up till now you had been looking at the starry sky but the light in his room had gone out. He was surely looking out the window.

And I mean forever-- That was your promise. You will wait for ever for him.

If I have to hold up the sky

Crazy he calls me

Sure, I'm crazy

Crazy in love am I

Crazy in love am I. ( 3)

Luckily Hrid had not been here long enough to know where your room or Alfonse’s room lay. He did not know he had witnessed your promise to him.

-That was beautiful. That song… I could imagine you fighting against Surtr…Saving my land and my people.

<< Oh Lord! You have to be kidding me. This is what he got from this?>>

-You have to remember your highness, that I was not alone and I did the least of the fighting. You have Alfonse to thank for that and The Order. -<<And your sister’s sacrifice…>>

- I was lost in the song I have to confess. You look so beautiful right now. It is easy to forget everything else.- He steps closer to you. You are hit with the urge t to step back, but you have to stand your ground.- _____ I want to get to know you better. I want to be more than just acquaintances. I want to be..

<<God I hope he says best friends! Why can’t someone just come and save me?>>

-...more than just your ally. I want to be there when you need me and be the one you can count on.

<< Sir you are describing Alfonse…>>

-Hrid. I appreciate the sentiment. It is always a good thing to get to know the people that are important in our lives. I do agree with that, yet I need to tell you; that with the war and all the work I need to do; I can not offer you more than friendship. My priorities..

-She tells us all the same thing. Can you believe that? So very cruel Summoner.- Says King Claude from behind you.- I apologize for the intrusion, but princess Sharena has need of your help. Delthea drunk a kettle of coffee and is now running around playing pranks on unsuspecting heroes. I think she hid in the tower. Also Dimitri said he will be waiting for you in the library in half an hour.

-Oh Lord! Hrid, please forgive me for leaving you. Delthea is a very powerful and very imaginative witch, I can’t have her do this at this hour.

-I understand completely ______. In fact I would like to be of assistance.-  Hrid said eyeing Claude.

-That would be amazing. I just need to warn you about the consequences; but if you are alright with cat ears, be our guest. -Claude points to his head. Sure enough there lays a set of black velvety cat ears.

-Oh for God’s sake Claude! Wait. Is there a tail to match?…Oh what am I saying. I’m sorry Hrid. You better sit this one out. There are just so many guys with cat ears and tails I can manage in one night. I will see you tomorrow. Have a good night.

-As you wish. Good night and pleasant dreams.- You thank him and go away with Claude.

- You look so cute Claude.- You say and laugh.

-Mm interested in petting my ears  _____?

When you two are far enough, Claude takes his fake cat ears off and meet up with Freyr and Delthea who is not really playing tricks on anyone.

- I almost didn’t make it. I apologize ______ . I did hear you tell him you are not interested. That is good. I don’t think it will stop him though. It feels like no matter what we do, he can’t seem to mind that the heroes flirt with you. I mean I understand. I see you do this every day. You care for everyone and they can’t help but adore you and I understand it quite well and it only makes me love you more.- He says it matter of fact like he is not baring his feelings in front of other people.

-Claude…

-I know ____. I should have considered it. He just looks so stiff, controlling, possessive and well cold, I thought he would find it uncomfortable. Make him re think his choice. I’m thinking even you telling him you are not interested in a relationship may be making him more persistent. Like whenever you tell Valter not to eat mountain lion raw…He already ate the liver by the way. I saw him a couple of minutes ago.

-What?- Face palm <<OMG Valter. I feel like I’m dealing with toddles!>>

-Well. It is done. We will see what we can do tomorrow.

-I suppose. - You start walking towards the library where Dimitri would be waiting for you, but make some space to talk to Delthea quietly. -Oh Delthea. Did you ever find out what the book was about?

-Oh…I did ask Alfonse but he could not open it. He asked me where I had found it and I showed him. He had never seen it or heard about it before. He did not tel me the exact translation, but said it was about the first King of Askr. I asked him if I could help him find out how to open it and he said it was fine by him, so as soon as the Ice King takes off we get to work. I also told him I wanted to help him with his project and I managed to convince him to let me help. Like you say: “ Two heads are better than one.” he just told me not to tell you. ______ he is very upset. I am worried about him. I mean if he asked Claude to help him it means he is very desperate. That man better leave tomorrow or I will bewitch his underpants to be itchy for a month! What?! I can guarantee you he will never know it was us. Just like the time I turned Lord Virion’s undergarments pink. -she giggles.

- Was that you? Oh my God. -Virion was still looking for the culprit.- Please don’t do that. I don’t need more trouble for the Order or Askr. We can leave it as last resort though; in case we can’t find a way to break the deal.- You tell her to settle her down. When you finally meet up with Dimitri, you notice he is talking to Freyr and offering him something. On a closer inspection you see it is one of the key pendants to the tree house.

- I can not guarantee you she will not follow in a way, but no one will be getting in there but you, _____ and I, so there will be less chance of someone spiking your drinks. I am taking dreamless sleep pills and can’t dream. She will not tempt me.

- I feel touched by your gesture. I will take you up on your offer if you are sure of it.

-I am. I thought about it. I figure it would be hard to return to your room.

-Then I will stay with you. Thank you. I will wait for you reading in the library until you are done with your patrol.

- You can join us, if that is your wish.- Says Dimitri. Freyr seems to be thinking about it.

-I thin it is better for me to wait here. There are books here I have never read before.

Claude says his goodnights and leaves. Delthea stays to tell Freyr about the awesome book she found and where she found it. You are crossing the door to the outer grounds to talk to the inner wall guards. It is half past midnight.

-Dimitri. What you did back there for Lord Freyr. I am really touched and thankful for it. I thought about changing his room, but you know how all the rooms are the same except for Alfonse’s and mine, so it would be all the same. I was thinking to take him to my room and sleeping on the study. I was sure he would not agree to that. Then I thought to let him stay in one of the rooms at the infirmary.

-I thought about it when you told me what had happened to him. I am sure it was much more serious than what you mentioned.

- It is. It is much more serious.

-He seems to feel safe around you.- <<As do I>> He thinks.

- I wish I could save him from her.- << I already watched him die once…I could not take it if he were to die again because I failed.>> You do not voice your fears with Dimitri. It is better for him not to trouble himself with your fears.- I could have offered to sleep with him, but even voicing this sounds bad. Askr is so very conservative. - <<Although…We could camp out in the tree house with Dimitri! Wait…that sounds like a threesome or better yet a “treesome”…Damn!>>- we could…- You get cut short by your messaging pendant getting too warm. Something is wrong. Then you hear someone shouting your name. It is Gordin.

-______!!! Lord Freyr told me to tell you the Elmblan Empire is crossing our borders! They are about to attack the keeps in the Northern towns. He saw it some moments ago and sent Delthea to tell Commander Anna.

-Thank you Gordin! Dimitri. I need to tell Alfonse and Sharena.

-I can tell the princess!- Says Gordin seriously.

-Thank you! Let’s go Dimitri.- You feel the pendant again. It was Anna. The message was to get ready.

You are running down the hall to Alfonse’s room when his door opens up. You see Hrid and Fjorm getting out of her room down the hall.

-Lord Freyr saw Embla crossing the Northern border and attacking the keeps.

-Let’s get ready. Inform the heroes on rotation. We will wait for you in the War room.- You nod and walk yo your room to get to the list in the study, but you get waylaid by Hrid and Fjorm who tries to persuade him to wait until they are called.

-Are we being attacked?

-Not ourselves. The keeps in the Northern border are about to be attacked. We will probably march in a while. I’ll keep you posted. I need to call my heroes on rotation.

You enter your room and then the study. You hear Dimitri say something and then shut the door.

-_______. I am not in rotation, but I want to fight. Is Lord Freyr fighting too?

-Let’s see. He is in rotation…but…

- Let him go. It will keep his mind off of his troubles. I will fight too and keep my eye on him.

-If you are sure; I’ll add you to the rooster.- You start sending the magic signals to the heroes in rotation and once you are done you take the list with you to the War Room. On your way out you see Fjorm and Hrid are meeting after preparing themselves to fight. They follow behind you to the War Room.

-Fjorm, you are not in rotation. You are part of the base defence today. You want to come with?

- Yes. I already changed my turn with Mathilda. Oh and I found Valter on the way. He said he will be ready when you are.

-He is not on rotation. In fact he was supposed to still be off today, but returned early…well I guess. He can come.

- What is this about rotation?- Asks Hrid. He is dressed in full armor and ready to go.

-It is the way to manage the heroes. One part fights, another part is left as reserves and the defence stays to defend the castle and the people of town in case there is an attack while we march off. The heroes change every battle. Right now we are about to see where we are about go and what we are about to do and decide if we need to do some changes in the groups. Just like the Royal army.

-You manage it all by yourself? Impressive.

-Well it is my job to get to know the heroes abilities and weaknesses . Then decide who works better in what situation and what they should be doing and who to send them with. You know, tactician’s planing. I make the suggestions and then Alfonse, who is the brain decides if the draft is right for what he thinks the enemy is doing and stuff. He’s a genius. Then Anna makes the final decision… but I mean I also like to have other opinions. Like Robin’s and Soren’s for example. It is all simple and regular army managing.

- Well. Not really. Remember when we fist met and you had suggested this to Commander Anna, because you were afraid someone would try attacking the castle when you were away, just like the time Embla had tried to destroy the Summoning Ruins? I also remember Anna apologized to you for not taking your suggestion of having a fire brigade before Surtr attacked into consideration. It was also your idea to make the Heroes their Order Cloaks to blend in with the surroundings and re designed the Regular Army’s new camouflage uniforms. The Royal Army even changed theirs as well! (4)

<< God Fjorm! Don’t help me look good now!>> Hrid looked impressed. Fjorm looks sorry.

-I saw the changes. I like the new uniforms and their usefulness. Amazing!

-Well none of those ideas are mine. I just took them from what the armies use in The World of Steel. I mean, sometimes Alfonse lends me his brain cells and I do come up with some good ideas, but mostly it is him doing the job. I just help along.- Fjorm laughs at this. She knows what you mean, but the two men look at you with different levels of confusion. You finally arrive to the War Room and after asking if you wanted him to wait outside, you let Dimitri stand by your side during the briefing. Fjorm had stood on your other side and signaled Alfonse to stand by her. After a moment she whispers a quiet “sorry” in your ear. She moves from between you two to go talk to Laegjarn. You can feel Alfonse’s hand lightly touch yours when she leaves. God! How you wanted to touch him. Hold his hand and disappear from the world.

Since Lord Freyr’s dream was a forewarning you had time to get to the site and wait for the enemy to attack. It would be an ambush. You fear you will have to spend the trip avoiding Hrid and stealing moments to talk to Alfonse. During the first part of the night when you were walking besides F Dimitri, you remember he had wanted to talk to you about something important.

-So Dimitri. What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?- Dimitri looked taken aback for a moment and then he looked around to see if anyone was hearing you.

- I…I have been watching Lif when he comes to watch you…- He says and suddenly you are attacked by the memories of your last encounter.- I apologize for not telling you directly…I did not know if he was real or not.

-Lif…-<< My Alfonse>> the thought passes your mind faster that lightning and you had no time to question it.- I… I can see why you would think that. He is… He looks so …-<<Beautiful>>- different. My regret. -You had know he had seen Lif. Of course you did, but you wanted to let him tell you in his own time after that one time he avoided the subject.

-I saw him go inside your window…I am sorry. I was not thinking strait. I let him in, not sure of who he was until you mentioned him. I just knew he loved you and he wanted to be near you… so I let him. I wanted to know what he would do. Understand him.

You lower your head before someone notices your watery eyes as they fill up with tears. Those words were breaking your heart… and now he was gone.

-Don’t worry about it Dimitri. I practically invited him. I also understand you… and I can see your instincts are working just fine. I trust them and I trust you. Besides. I wanted to see him so badly. I was not sure if he had survived and now I know he is…still fighting.

- You love them both…

- I… I do…Do you think me wicked?

- At first. When I did not know who he was. I understand now. Would you tell me how it went? All of it? I want to know about him.

- I don’t blame you for wanting to know. He is an interesting person. I mean, he is Alfonse but…They are the same, but different. Alfonse plays the violin you know. He plays like the angels in heaven…They are both violin music, but different pieces you see? Both highly intelligent and both seriously passionate in everything they believe and do…but like music Alfonse is intense but contained, controlled, like Vivaldi’s Winter And Lif is just as intense but unbound like Devil’s Thrill…Both beautiful to behold but …Oh crap I forgot you don’t know what I’m talking about. The music sound kind of like - You hum the music and explain the differences in rhythm and tempo. You look at him to see if he gets it and you see him smiling. You have never seen him smile.- Heh… I got a little carried away didn’t I?- He nodded.- Were you there when he left?

- Yes.

-I still have to tell Alfonse. I forgot to do so with the…arrival of our guests and everything else.-You backpedal to not tell him about the engagement.

-You will tell him? Everything?

- Of course. I don’t want to keep secrets from him. He knew what I was doing. That was the reason he was not home. We wanted to help him. We even had a plan on how to do so and…you saw. It all went sideways. Alfonse knew Lif would decline our offer, but I wanted to believe. I could not even tell him the plan… I felt so selfish asking him to stay.

- It would be painful to be around you and not be near…

- (sigh) yeah…and let’s not forget Sharena.- You start telling him how everything had started. How you all had thought he was the first king of Askr and then found out the truth. You tell him about Sharena’s flowers he had placed in that shine he had made. You tell him about your Summoner’s coat folded neatly among your favorite flowers. His parent’s crowns. How he had built the shrine because there was no bodies to bury and no tombs to take flowers to. You explained his plans and how he had changed his mind to help you. How he had been used like a marionette by Hell to kill you and how you had finished her with the his most precious possession. His Summoner’s Breidablik…you omit it was your own weapon or so you thought.

After a while there is a pause in the trek for rest and meals. By this time the sun was already coming up. While you are talking to the men,you are interrupted by Hrid who wants to be your guard during the battle.

- King Dimitri is her guard today. He is her support.- Says F Dimitri in his gruff voice. Hrid looks coldly back at him, and you sense he is about to retort. There is tension in the air and you have to intervene.

- I appreciate it and you are welcome to stay, but he is right, Dimitri is my baby sitter this time.

- I understand you already have your support, but it would ease my mind if I could stay by your side. This way I can protect you and observe the way you lead your men. If needed I will assist in battle of course and like I said before in the meeting; you can use my men as if they are your own. As I wish you will see them one day.

-I… Thank you your Highness…- Dimitri was scowling and you could tell he was beginning to get angry.

-Were we not on first name terms _____?

-I apologize for interrupting, but I was wondering if his Highness would help me out.- The voice came from behind Hrid. It was Charlotte. Her huge soulful eyes were fixed on Hrid.Her voice was all sweetness and her demeanor bashful and coy. To her side Groom Marth stood looking at Dimitri.- Your sister said you could help me.

<<Oh Thanks GOD! I could kiss Fjorm right now!>>

-Oh Hrid this is Lady Charlotte of Nohr. She is a trusted friend and ally.- It had taken a while to warm up to her after the incident with Alfonse. He had to explain to her, in the coldest of voices that he was not interested in her in any sort of way and that, what she was doing was harassment and it was punishable in Askr. Prince Xander had been called as well and he had been even less lenient. After working with her you found out she was actually pretty cool when she was not obsession with someone. You even gave her pointers on what she was doing wrong with guys. Everyone knows guys do not like desperate women and she radiated desperation.

-I would help her, but I am afraid I am not tall enough.- Says Marth. Hrid excuses himself and goes to help Charlotte. You can tell he is very annoyed by the redness on his cheeks and ears. Charlotte turns to you and winks. Marth gives you a small smirk and asks if he can talk to Dimitri. They both leave to where King Dimitri is waiting for them. As soon as they leave, you feel someone tap you in the back. You turn around and King Claude takes a finger to his closed mouth and signals for you to follow him.

- Please tell me I am not as persistent and annoying as that man!- He says in a quiet hiss. You walk a little into the wooded area by the road and see a figure dressed in white waiting for you.

-Thank you Claude. I owe you. And for the record. You are not annoying at all and I enjoy spending time with you.

-Then minutes Alfonse. Make the best of it.- Claude says and winks. You turn around and Alfonse is blushing.

He walks up to you and takes your hand. He says nothing but his eyes speak volumes. His other hand comes up to your face and caresses your cheek. You lean into his touch and close your eyes. He kisses your forehead and then embrace you. You circle his waist as he cradles your back and head.

Meanwhile King Dimitri, Savior King Dimitri and Marth are talking to Fallen Dimitri. F Dimitri had gone to ask them what was happening to you and what was the deal with the king of Nifl. K Dimitri and G Marth had weighted the options of telling F Dimitri what they knew. They decided to tell him about the treaty and that he should be patient and threat the King with respect so that Askr could gain the aid they will need if they were to be attacked by another kingdom. They will tell him about the engagement after Hrid leaves.

-Yes. Apparently he is interested in building a relationship ending in marriage with her, but we all know she is not interested in anyone but Prince Alfonse. Still, we have to be careful and polite with him.- Explains Marth.

-Fine ,but if he so much as breathes wrong, her way I will cut his head off.- He is about to go when he is stopped by his other self.

-It is not wise to project your feelings towards her. She will not return them. Better men than us have tried and failed. She wants only to help you and it will only hurt you both.- Says King Dimitri.

-I understand who her heart belongs to and I would not come between them.- He wondered if any of them had seen the way you looked at Lif, or had seen how much you love each other, or if they only knew about Alfonse. The way he saw it; he knew better than any of them who your heart belonged to. Divided as it was.

Dimitri found you talking to Alfonse just at the edge of the forest by the road you were taking; but he did not approached you. You were looking at a map, but seemed to be talking about something else. He spied Hrid talking to the blonde girl who wanted to marry a rich man. Her charms were being neglected by the prince who kept scowling and sending you furtive looks. Dimitri could hear you talking thanks to his finer sense of hearing.

-Can we talk about that after the battle?- You ask Alfonse. He scowls.

- What did he do? Did he hurt you?

-What? No! He refused our help, just like you said he would. He left…for good this time.

- There is more.

-We should focus on the battle ahead. I don’t want to mess up something important because our head is in another matter.- Alfonse closes his eyes. He is loosing his patience and probably thinking there was something worst than what actually happened. You sigh.- I wanted to wait until later to tell you. The truth is just that, he refused our help, said he could never be my friend and that even if he agreed to be helped, he doesn’t believe we can help him. He showed me his face…then kissed me. - Alfonse palled and rubbed his face. He looked annoyed but at the same time relieved.- I did not tell him about my “memories”. I don’t know what he would do, if what we think happened to me, is real.- Alfonse looked even more relieved by that. Dimitri wondered what that meant.

-We will talk about this when we get home. Hrid will be your guard today. He asked Commander Anna. -His jaw muscles were moving with tension.

- Goddammit! Well so will Dimitri. I am not changing my plan. He is lucky I did not choose Grima. I’m being nice here Alfonse…a good girl Alfonse.- You smile coyly at him and at first he is confused, but you see him redden. He has no idea of your real meaning, but just looking at you giving him that look is enough to make him melt. He knows you are flirting, but he does not know the context. He is about to say something when you both hear Anna give the command to start the march.

After a meal brake, Fjorm comes to talk to you.

-_____. I heard my brother has asked to be your body guard. You have to deny him.- You look at her confused.- _____ remember our traditions. If he saves your life or Alfonse’s; you will owe him a life debt. I…do not understand him. I would not have thought him capable of using something like this or even demanding it of you, but he seems so different. I am not sure if it is because he has been alone without mother and Gunthra to guide him or something, but he looks different. I am just doing this as a precaution. I swear to you he is a good man and a honorable one, but I also know that he is stubborn and will fight for what he wants and what he thinks is best.

-I believe you Fjorm. I actually like him as a person. I just can’t help be angry at his ideas and the outcome of his requirements for the treaty. I will appeal to his warrior pride and make him be in the battlefield, just not close to Alfonse or Sharena. Deal?- She smiles and blushes when you take her hand in yours.

That night there is no time to put tents up. You put your roll up by Sharena and Fae who sleeps between you and Grima. You have noticed Grima had given the small dragon some of the candy you had given him. Fae is slowly becoming a younger sister of sorts to him. She started following him around and he let her after he was told she was alone in the world and had been isolated for a long time. She had been well taken care of, but had no living family. Although she had people who loved her and knew some half dragons, she was immediately drawn to Grima after she had heard of how he had been treated and how he had been isolated and alone. She had told you she wanted to help him. They were both alone.

You were awaken by a soft voice.

-The family has grown.- Alfonse’s smiling face is looking down at you from his sitting position by your head. You look around to find Fae had moved to Grima’s side and some time in the night, young Tiki had laid down on his other side.

<<OMG! What do I do?!>> You did not want Grima to wake up to find her there and get angry. You look at Grima and see that his eyes are open. He moves his hand from under Tiki’s head just a bit and signals you to not make a noise. <<Oh OK then..>> He closes his eyes again.

-Care to patrol with me?- Alfonse asks and you get up to join him. Hrid had, had the last watch and was sleeping now. You would be leaving in a few hours and arrive at the keeps before twilight.

-I guess it has grown. I wonder why the dragons just leave their kids so young wander around in the world, all alone like that.

-They probably have their reasons to do it.- He says quietly. You were thinking of arguing your point but remember that he himself was not as close to his parents and had had a more or less lonely childhood. If it wasn’t for Sharena he would have been much more of a loner. You decide to change the subject.

-Free for some hours then?- You ask. He looks back to where Hrid is laying asleep by his sisters.

-At last. Care for a tea after the patrol?- He asks you smiling. You take his hand and look him in the eyes.

-I’ll be happy to.

You do the patrol and drink some hot water since you could not find the tea. You talk for a while and fall asleep together sitting by the fire. This is where F Dimitri finds you to wake you up to re start the journey.

The second day goes on just like the first. Hrid comes often to talk to you and more often than not some heroes come to take you away for one reason or another. You walked alongside K Claude mostly and Grima who was followed by young Tiki and Fae. At some point Hero King Marth came to walk alongside and carried a sleepy Tiki who had placed a flower on his tiara. Fae pouted until Grima carried her as well. You looked back one time to find Chrome watching longingly at them.

You arrived past midday to the Keeps and after you help them all to settle and then seek Hrid out. You did not notice Alfonse had followed you and stayed in the shadows to wait for you.

-Hrid. I wanted to talk to you.

-Oh?

-You see… I don’t know how to say this… It is just, I wanted to ask you something. -He he looks at you expectantly with a small smile adorning his face. You also try not to sound flirty but keep it as interested.- I was thinking back at the time we found you in Muspell and remembering how you were fighting. Well the reason I was reluctant for you to be my guard was that I was curious about your style and I wanted to see more of it.

- Oh! I see. I was desperate and not at my best.

-Being desperate to save a loved one is probably when people are at their best in my opinion. Maybe not technique wise but at least morally.- He reddens and bites his lower lip a little.

-I would love to show you my style. Where do you want me?

<<Is he…?>>

-Umm. I was thinking of placing you, if you are alright with it of course; on the right flank, by Lord Seliph. That way you are in the fray and still close enough.

-It sounds good to me.- He says.

- We can talk about it after the battle. - You say because you knew he would want to hog the time again and because now at least you had something to talk about that does not sound awkward to you.

You attended the meeting with the Royal Army Officers. Alfonse had sent a messenger before hand to warn them. They had arrived some two hours before you.The plan was laid out for the officers and and after some debate it was approved. The Royal Army was very set in their ways and your suggestion on an ambush by militia attacks was taken with skepticism. You had met this kind of drawback before and it was always smoothed over by the heroes and Alfonse. The later had avoided your gaze every time you had asked for his opinion and you notice he looked angry. He had stood as far away as possible from you. Meanwhile Hrid had stood next to Claude which was as close to you as he could get.

As soon as the meeting was over, you sent out the mages and scouts to set up confusion wards in case enemy scouts came and saw you already there. Then mines were placed by the mages for when the enemy arrived. Not explosive mines but paint. The paint was magic and it help to immobilize , by temporally blind and confuse the enemy warriors; giving you precious time to attack them or retreat as needed. They also had the side effect of giving people hives. You seek out Alfonse to talk to him. You find him in the armory.

-Alfonse. I need to talk to you.- He does not turn to you and keeps on checking his gear and weapons. He looks like he wants to ignore you.

- I have no time. We can do this after the battle…unless you have someone to talk to later instead?

<<???>>

-Yeah… I promised Hrid we would talk about his sword style and technique…and that is what I need to talk to you about.

-I need to go check on the men.

-It will be just a minute…why are you so angry any way?

-What do you mean angry? Why would I be angry? Did you do something to anger me?

-I don’t think so…Look any way; Fjorm came and told me not let Hrid be my guard…- He looked at you now.- because she did not want him to save me or something and then I would owe him a life debt.

-What? He wouldn’t dare...- Now he looks even angrier.

-Yeah she doesn’t believe that either, but she says he looked different in a way and it is a “just in case” kind of thing, so I went to talk to him and ask him to fight. I was afraid for you as well as Sharena. It is better neither of us owe him something. - He nods. He still looked annoyed but at least he did not radiated that miasma of doom he does when he is really angry.

- I.. heard you talking to him.

-Oh! So that is why…Oh Alfonse!- You look around to see if someone is watching and take his hand. He leads you a little away until he finds a small door that he opens and you find yourself in a small closet full of weapon polishing products.

-I’m sorry I should have told you I was going to do that, but I didn’t found the time with so much stuff to do.

-No…I should not be jumping to conclusions. It is just…- He suddenly hugs you and kisses you on the forehead.- I…I love you so much…- He lowers his face and is about to kiss you. You feel like the butterflies in your stomach are having a party in there.

(Knock, knock)

-You two. It’s time to go!- Alfonse jumps back at the sound of Niles’ always suggestive words. You open the door and frown at him. Niles looks around inside the closet and smirks.- So…how was the sword polishing?

<<Oh I wish Niles!>> You roll your eyes at him.- We were only talking. You look back at Alfonse but he is looking down at his feet. You have never seen him look so guilty before. <<Adorable!>>

-Just talking huh…I love “just talking” with people inside closets too.

-Oh I wish Niles, but you went ahead an ruined it by knocking at the door. Besides we were in there for only like thirty seconds! Oh wait…Is that how long you “talk to people in closets”?

-______!!- Comes Alfonse’s voice behind you.

-.…Oh you got me good Summoner!- He says and starts laughing out loud.- I forget you are not afraid to use that tongue.

<<Oh Niles if only you knew… That’s exactly what I was trying to do.>> He looks at your face sees that little smirk and he just knows and laughs harder.

-Don’t worry your Highness. I am an expert at keeping secrets. I would give you fifteen minutes but we really need to go.- Alfonse comes out after you and his face is redder than a tomato.

-Wait. Let me fix your cloak.- He stops and lets you fix his scarf part of the cloak. You linger around his neck and then pass your fingers through the locks of hair loose from his crown. He is looking at you and you see his lips part and look at your lips for a second. His tongue comes out slowly to lick at his lower lip. The moment is so intimate Niles turns around to give you privacy and for once keeps quiet.

-You look good.- You tell him and his cheeks redden a little more.- Let’s go.- You say and both of you follow Niles out of the armory to Anna who is waiting for you.

~*~

The Emblian Empire attacked at midnight. The Askrn forces had let them get close to the bait, which was the keep where the the town people were hiding. Then the militia attacks were started in the enemy rear. Your surprise attack was successful and when they tried to retreat the mines enclosed them in where the men were not stationed. The battlefield was alight with fires suddenly burning, this way you could see where the heroes were and what they were doing.

From your position on one of the highest hills outside of town you could send the signals to the men and not be reached by enemy fire. King Savior Dimitri was by your left side monitoring the danger and the rear. Waiting for the moment he had to act.

Although you had smoother over the problem with Alfonse, he seemed still to be in a bad mood. He fights with the same skill as ever, but you could see there was something else in there. The same quality to his strikes that Lif had in his…like he really wanted to hurt something.

-Beruka tell Innes there’s an enemy sniper hiding far to his right flank over the tallest tree. - You mouthed over to Beruka who could read your lips. She nodded and before taking of to warn Innes.

Once in a while you look over to Hrid to check on his team and actually evaluating him so you would have something to talk about later on.

Next is Valter whom you had told to stay and rest after being on that hunt he went on. He seemed just as efficient, but there was a slowness to his strikes that if not corrected could end in a bad situation. You touch your medallion and say his name. It would let him know you are watching him or have something to tell him. He turns to you after making sure there is no danger.

- Are we the prey or are we the hunter?- That did it for him. No one would call him prey. He seemed to regain vigor, speed and strength.- Good. That’s my hunter boy.- You could hear Azura and Shigure singing over the noise. You turn to watch the others. Michaelis, Minerva, Seliph, Olivia,Eliwood and Roy, Hector, Rath , Eirika, Lyon and Ephraim…

You take your spyglass to watch the farther part of the field and spy on Xander, who is the leader of the Emblan army. He is watching you it seems, so you wave at him. He lowers the spyglass and for a second it looks like he is about to wave back but thinks better of it. This makes you chuckle. That man is actually a good man and you could understand his position. He not only kept Veronica company and keeps the vultures that try to make her their puppet away from them, but he had smoothed out some problems that could have escalated without his help. Without him the war would be worst and who knows where Veronica would be or what she would be doing. He kept her human.

Then from the North Eastern side of the Keep the flank breaks and reinforcements pour in. You knew about them and were prepared for them, that was what the mines were for. What you were not prepare for, was one of the heroes in the enemy lines. Adrestian Emperor Edelgard, dressed in her Reds and golds armor lead the reinforcements. You hear a hiss from S K Dimitri at the same time you feel your medallion warn you. It was Alfonse. You turn to watch him but you know full well what he meant. He points to F Dimitri. He has isolated himself as he always does. His backup Marth, is blocked form getting to him by a couple of lancers. Alfonse made his way to him, but before he reached him Dimitri looked up. It seemed like he could hear orders being given and recognized the voice.

Dimitri saw Edelgard and he froze for a second. Then he started to walk her way and he looked like he was not paying attention to his surroundings. Alfonse started to make his way towards him and so did Marth. You signal King Claude who is near by covering Alfonse, but he had already seen the scene unfolding. He started felling the enemies that were about to hit Dimitri. You signal Dimitri himself. At last he seems to react, but instead of returning your call, he started to relentlessly and brutally kill the enemies on his way.

You hear SK Dimitri growl in anger. You reach for his hand and squeeze it gently.

You can see with the spyglass that Edelgard has taken notice of Dimitri. She stands for a minute watching him and you see her close her eyes. The face she makes is almost one of regret. She turns around, then signals something to her men and she starts attacking the opposite flank. On her stead another hero is sent. Death Knight.

-Oh FUCK… Death Knight.- You had seen him before. That man was insane and brutal. He did not listen to orders and actively has tried to kill your heroes any chance he has. You see him make a bee line to where F Dimitri is trying to follow Edelgard.

You see it as if in slow motion. Ferdinand came down on Dimitri even before Death Knight arrived. You had not even seen him coming. He drove his lance with enough force to behead someone and the speed to not miss. He had the advantage of surprise. Dimitri could not deflect or evade; but before Ferdinand’s lance hit its mark; a golden shield came up to protect a falling Dimitri. Alfonse had reached Dimitri just in time to jump on the way of the strike and effectively striking the blond out of the way. Alfonse almost fell down with the force of the strike and the effort not to step on the fallen blonde. He stood with his legs on either side of Dimitri’s upper body. Then the second strike came just as he was trying to gain his footing. The force of the second strike almost made him stumble and had him straddling the blonde. Alfonse could do nothing but shield himself and Dimitri. He turned to see if Dimitri was alright and his faces were inches apart.

He was about to tell him to get up when they heard a yell. Ferdinand was falling down his horse and an arrow was stuck on the horse’s flank. Claude was covering him while trying to keep from getting hit by enemy arrows. This gave Alfonse the time he needed to get up. Alfonse was standing up when Death Knight’s scythe came sideways and hit his shield on the side enough to fling it and his arm away form his body. He deflected the rest with the sword.

Sparks like fireworks flew from Folkvangr. Death Knight was poised to strike again. Watching from the ground Dimitri was struggling to get up. He was backing away so he could get up and not be on the way.

You watch it all from your post. Unable to do anything about it. You feel like the life is draining from you with every beat of the heart. Hel’s scythe; coming down slowly and yet so fast. Just like it had done for Anna and Sharena before. It strikes Alfonse to behead , but the angle and motion playing their part have another idea. The scythe misses badly. He is falling down…

-ALFONSE!!!!!

…..He is falling….he is …. outside the Order's castle in a training arena. You followed him to see him train. He is doing something you had not seen him do before. He jumps and twirls his sword to gather power and at the point of the strike there is a beam of power coming out. The attack is one of the most powerful you had ever seen. It may even rival Aether.

-Incredible…- You say behind him. He turns and smiles at you. His naked torso glistening with sweat. In another time he would he dying of shame from being found with so little clothes.

-Do you like it? I am trying to create something powerful to kill her.

-Alfonse that is amazing! How do you call it?

-I don’t know yet…I want to make a future for us with it. Maybe then we can end this absurd war and get married,- He gets close to you and touches your cheek with his fingers. - My beloved _______. He kisses you slowly on your lips and then kisses your forehead.-…I might call it…

-DOOR TO THE FUTURE!!!!- Your yell resonates over the cacophony of voices and yells of the battlefield. Breidablik lights up…

A/N

This program is messing up my grammar instead of helping, especially names. I have no idea how many times I have gone and fixed them. When I transfer it to the page it gets messed up again. I think it gets confused because I write in different languages XD

As a side note, I am trying not to make Hrid sound like he is an asshole at all. I like him a lot, but the guy is in love and is very possessive and jealous of Alfonse who he believes belongs with his sister and passes most of his time with you so…He just wants a chance for you to get to know him and fall in love maybe…and maybe…and maybe…

I have this head canon that if Valter ever hears Guren no Yumiya from Attack on Titan it would become his National Anthem XD. Bless Natewantstobattle and his covers.

Have you ever wonder why Lif’s face and original skin only covers his nose and his mouth seems to be lost and to have no bone inside?….yeah…I do.

1. The song I am referencing here is the metal cover by Dan Vasc:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS4Q-WWyl3Q

2. It is said that Grima is 2000+ years but I seriously think that he can’t be that much older than Tiki was around the time of Shadow Dragon. So to me he is still a kid. A very neglected and abused kid who is lashing out in the worst way, because he is so powerful. I am doing this because I think that a gown up Grima would be more a love interest and I don’t want that in this story. Also I ship him with Evostrashbin’s Summoner. BTW I’m so happy Evo got Halloween Mr. Grima! I love it!

3. Crazy He Calls Me. Natalie Cole’s version. I love this song all thanks to my father. I choose it because I could see the co-relation with the story line and situation.

4. I mean. I get that the order is supposed to be the good guys but dressing in white all the time in battle? That works well in winter and Nifl, but that’s it. That Lord of the Rings cloak, the Lorien Elves gave The Fellowship would be awesome to have for the Heroes on more stealthy missions. Camo uniforms would also work wonders on the Order’s favor.

#feh #feh alfonse #feh lif #feh summoner #feh alfonse x summoner #feh kiran #fire emblem heroes #alfonse x summoner #feh fan fiction #feh lif x summoner #fe3h feral dimitri #fe3h claude #fe3h dimitri #feh reader fan fiction #feh dimitri #feh hrid #feh fjorm #feh sharena #feh freyr #feh freyja #feh reader #feh alfonse x reader #feh lif x reader #kiralfonse

[blueposthings]

Little Informant (pt. 2)

Warnings: Violence, blood, language

Words: 2.1k+

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You had taken your time in getting back home, the fifteen minute walk turned to two hours when you decided to take a stroll around town. It was late, too late for a frail girl like you to be roaming the streets of New York all by yourself. But you had to clear your mind. Besides, with your self-defense skills along with the trusty butterfly knife you always had with you at all times, you were pretty confident.

However, when you finally arrived back at your apartment, you had noticed several things out of place; the dust on the right side of the door frame, two feet above the floor, had a gap, you were sure you hadn’t touched it; the nail of one of the panels on the creaky floorboard was slanted, someone had tripped on it.

There was an intruder in your house.

You slowly grabbed your knife from your jacket pocket before reaching for your keys, intentionally shaking it in your fingers. You turned your keys and opened the door with your left hand, the knife on your right, ready to fight. When no one ambushed you, you crouched down like you were going to untie your shoes when in fact you reached for the gun you had stored below the shoe cabinet.

You replaced the knife in your hold with the handgun, holding it firmly with both of your hands before peeking out from the corner of your doorway. Sure enough, stood a man about six feet tall dressed in all black in your poor excuse of a kitchen, you noticed he was holding a pistol of his own in one hand and a framed picture of you and your father in the other.

“You do look like him, you know?” He said, acknowledging your presence.

“Who are you?” You had your gun trained on him. Your gaze unwavering, despite your heart trying to beat out of your ribcage.

“You can consider me an old family friend.” The man placed the frame back to the countertop as he turned to you.

“Why are you here?” You stood your ground at the front doorway as he approached you slowly, his gun in hand.

“When you opened that laptop, it sent a signal to us. We thought Rumlow had come back from the dead so I offered to go.” He said, ever so casually. “Then I found these photos and, I gotta say, I’m quite surprised. I never took your father as- well, a father.”

He was only a few feet in front of you now, your gun pointed straight to his chest. “I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.”

“If you’re anything like Brock, you could be a great asset to us, Y/N-”

“How do you know my name?”

“Perhaps, you might want to consider joining us? Your father would be proud.”

“I’m not an asset,” you gritted out. “And I’m nothing like him.”

This perked your intruder’s attention, his head tilted slightly to the side. “Oh?”

You realized then that you might have spilled something you shouldn’t have. You felt your heart drop to your stomach, your hands struggling to keep your weapon steady.

“Do tell me, Y/N. What did you do with the information from that laptop?” His tone was now much sharper, accusing.

You searched your brain to try and find a believable lie, something that wouldn’t put your life in danger. In your moment of silence, the man in front of you grew impatient and furious.

“Where were you just now?”

“None of your business.” You finally said, your voice giving you away with a crack.

“What a shame.” The man sighed, bowing his head to the floor for a second. “I hope Brock’s gonna forgive me for this one.” Then he raised his gun at you, with anger in his eyes.

Time seemed to slow down when you pulled your trigger. However, the man managed to avoid it at the last second, the bullet only hitting his shoulder. The force pushed him back and he let go of his gun, his good hand holding his wound.

“Little shit.” He cursed before charging at you.

You re-aimed your gun, but due to the close distance between the two of you, he successfully pushed it away. He used his whole body weight to knock you back to the wall, resulting in you losing your grip of the pistol in your hand. You grabbed your knife from your pocket, forcing the butt to his head, making him groan as he stumbled ever so slightly. You pushed him back by the injured shoulder, your thumb digging in to the bullet wound. You then kneed him in the stomach, your dominant hand twirling open the knife and stabbing him in the back. You pushed his body off of you with all your might and tried to make a run for it.

You only managed to get a couple of steps away when he grabbed your foot. You tripped and fell face first to the floor. You groaned, your head was spinning and you could feel blood oozing from your nose. The intruder dragged himself up with his good arm while you tried to collect yourself. You still had the knife in your hand so you tried to land another stab to his leg, but he blocked it, grabbing your hand and twisting it so you’d drop the weapon. But what you lack in size and power, you made up with agility -when he yanked your arm up, you used the momentum to help you jump up and straddle his neck with your two legs, your arms holding him in a choke hold. He tried to get you off but between the bullet and the stab wound, he was already losing a lot of blood. He stumbled around, crashing through your coffee table and one of your bookshelves. At one point he went close enough to the TV stand where you had an old glass vase on top. You grabbed the vase and swung it to his face, it broke and he fell unconscious with you below him. You were sure you must have heard a crack, but with the adrenaline numbing your pain you couldn't tell if it was his bone or yours.

------------

When you noticed he wasn’t moving, you took a second to collect your breath. Eventually, you pushed him off and got up, grabbing your knife and both guns before running off.

“And we believe the kid?” Clint crossed his arms. He stared at the back of his teammate’s head, almost seeing the cogs in his skull turning.

“Yes, I know she was telling the truth.” Steve said, his voice an octave lower than it usually is. “I could feel it.”

“No offense, Cap. But when it comes to the sake of the planet’s security, I would rather not go on gut feeling.”

“Have you considered maybe this is just your guilt speaking?” Natasha chimed into the conversation from the other side of the table.

Steve was silent for a moment. “It’s not,” he finally said, although it seemed like he was trying to convince himself more than anything.

“As much as I hate to say this, but I think the oldman’s right,” Tony sat back down on the closest chair to the front of the room. “I don’t think she was lying, at least not about this.”

“I say, it is better to be safe than sorry.” Vision spoke up, his gaze not leaving the files displayed on the holograms.

“He’s got a point. We have this information- the location of everything. Why don’t we go see for ourselves.” Rhodes added.

When no one interjected, the room took it as an agreement. Tony was about to tell FRIDAY to display the closest base that they could locate when the A.I. had another idea.

“Tony, there has been a 911 call from the address you told me to look out for.”

This got the man on his feet. “When?”

“Just a few seconds ago. The neighbors reported hearing gunshots and loud crashes. The police are on their way, they should arrive in eight to ten minutes.”

“We can get there in two.”

----------------

They got to your apartment in exactly eighty four seconds. Tony, along with Steve, Clint, Sam and Natasha rushed past some of your curious neighbors and arrived in front of your door. Your keys were still in the door knob when Natasha pushed the door open. Obviously the first thing they noticed was the situation of your living room. And the unconscious man on the floor.

Clint approached the bleeding man, checking for a pulse. “He’s alive, barely.”

Natasha tossed him a pair of handcuffs and the archer gathered the unknown man’s hands before securing him. She then entered a nearby closet in an unsuccessful attempt of finding the apartment’s owner.

The rest of them looked around the ransacked apartment trying to get an idea of what happened or who this man was. Steve picked up one of the photographs that was shattered on the floor, the one your intruder was looking at earlier. There was a pit forming in his stomach as he processed what he was seeing. You’d taken the photograph at your middle school father-daughter dance. He was always at work, but that day he had taken a day off to attend the event for you, even took you shopping to get a nice pastel pink dress and a tie for him to match. You grinned in that photo, unintentionally showing off your braces; your father had his hand around your frame, a gentle yet charismatic smile adorning his lips.

Sam went further to the apartment, ending up in your room. He took in the decorations -or rather lack thereof. Your walls contrasted those of the living room, aside from one old poster of a band Sam didn’t recognize, there was only a bed in the centre of the room. He stepped out of the room and entered another. There was more personality, more life, in this room. Ironic really, seeing as it was your late father’s. There were pictures of him and you on his bedside table, among other things. His bed was unmade but dusty. He spotted a glimmer beyond the papers strewn across the floor. Curiosity led him to picking it up; it was a dog tag. He pocketed it before appearing back to the rest, shaking his head.

“Hey kid!” Tony hollered. “It’s Tony! With The Avengers?”

Silence.

Suddenly the front door re-opened with a force. The five heroes immediately got to a fighting stance.

“NYPD! Put your hands where I can see ‘em!”

The team sighed, half in relief and half disappointment. Upon realizing that the Avengers themselves were in front of them, the police officers lowered their weapon with faces full of questions.

“With all due respect,” one of them spoke nervously, “what are you guys doing here?”

“Our jurisdiction.” Tony snarked with sarcasm before going back to looking around the room.

“That man needs medical help.” Natasha stepped up to the officer, pointing at the body on the ground. “We don’t know who he is yet but we assume he’s bad so keep an eye on him.”

Steve rested his shield on his arm before picking up one of the framed pictures that looked the most recent before giving it to a different officer. “Look for this girl, she might be in danger. And injured.” It was one your father had taken of you only a few months before you last saw him, you had grown a little since then but Steve thought it should do.

“There might be no need for that,” Tony called. “One of the security cams across the street spotted a girl running away from this building, must be her.”

Steve nodded. “Let’s go.” And with that they were off, leaving the police to take care of the crime scene and culprit while they search for you with the guidance of FRIDAY.

----------------------

You finally decided you couldn’t run any further; your chest was heaving, your head was spinning, your back was killing you, and you’re pretty sure the man had sprained your arm. You stopped at an empty alley, a good block away from your building. You let your body slide down the wall to the concrete below you in exhaustion. You lifted your shirt up to see a purple bruise starting to form on your upper stomach. You raised your hand to wipe off the blood staining your face but only ended up spreading the red liquid everywhere before you limped, your muscles giving out. You sighed, turning your brain trying to find out how you were going to get out of this one.

Then you felt a presence to your left. Your instincts kicked in, grabbing the gun you had carried and aiming it to the figure.

“Wow, hey. Put that down.” The figure said, three more people emerging behind him. “It’s me.”

God damn the Avengers. You thought, lowering the gun in your hand. You let your head lull back to the wall behind you.

You heard a metal clink from your other side. “You’ll manage, huh?”

You couldn’t find the energy in you to return the attitude.

Tag list: @iamthescarlettwitch @sincerely-kizzy @ineedmorefanfics @moonyinthestars

I know this is very much long overdue, i hope you'll still enjoy it regardless xx

#avengers x teen!reader #avengers fluff #avengers sister!reader #avenger!reader #avengers x y/n #avengers imagine

[blu-archer]

Sharing is Caring?

Just some more AU sickness because why not?

snz based

Sickie: Tae - mild Jimin

Caretaker: Jimin [kind of?]

m/m [squinting at Yoonmin] and mentions of what I’m poorly portraying as ace. I’ve never tried to write about it before so forgive any misrepresentation please..

anyway...

Apart of this little universe; Flower shop and Bakery au 

This piece mostly felt like me rambling, but it was kind of fun so I’m posting it.. sorry for any errors

-

-

Taehyung sniffled as discretely as possible as he wondered through the isles of the large supermarket, doing his best to avoid people even though he had made sure to grab a face mask before leaving the apartment to avoid spreading his germs. Technically they could be considered Jimin’s germs… but he wasn’t one to blame his platonic soulmate.

After all, they lived together. This outcome was inevitable.

 So he hovered awkwardly through the store trying to move as quickly as possible by grabbing immediate necessities rather than the usual browsing of the shelves. And after the desperate sneezes that had surprised him by the canned foods and had kicked his headache into 5th gear, he wanted nothing more than to already be at home and back in bed.  

The photographer paused a bit away from the freezer holding the ready-made meals – something that had become a must-have for the pair if they wanted to survive living together – waiting for the few people there to finish before he made his own snatch. He blinked lazily at the rows of boxes that he could just barely make out. He would have to grab a few, they hadn’t done ‘grocery’ shopping for the month and it had come back to bite them. The few supplies he’d gotten days before had dwindled to nothing in a blink of an eye. He’d woken up that morning looking for food so he could take his next dose of medication and had been met with a small portion of days old take out from the noodle place down the street and what was left of the soup Jimin’s boss had dropped off for him after he’d called in sick.

And Tae was getting really tired of soup, despite only being on his second day of feeling like warm death.

So he had taken the courageous, probably mildly stupid, step to go shopping. They needed more tissues anyway, and he didn’t really know anyone in the area that well yet despite having moved a few months ago so it’s not like he could make a plea for help.

Jimin had been thoroughly knocked out in his bed with a mound of extra blankets that hadn’t moved from their place since Yoongi had put them there after bringing the smaller man home from work the day before. So Taehyung had just scribbled a brief note and pinned it onto his door so that Jimin would know where he was if the slim chance of the elder waking up did actually happen.

A gap formed as a couple broke away from the freezer and Tae swiftly slipped in front of it, muffling a cough into his arm before he made a move to slide open the glass top. Taehyung was jolted from his actions as something – a body, definitely a small body – crashed into his legs, immediately reaching out with one hand to steady the child that wobbled upon impact even though his own balance wavered drastically. Thank god for fast reflexes, if he hadn’t dropped his basket and rested his hand on the freezer then he probably would’ve fallen straight on his ass. That would have been almost as embarrassing as the canned food isle incident just minutes before. This day just wasn’t getting better.

He had just barely looked down at the small boy who had almost caused his next disaster when his foggy attention was dragged away to the next rapidly approaching figure.

 “Sehjoon!” An exasperated voice snapped before the small boy was pulled from Tae’s weak grasp. “I’m so sorry, he’s wild. Did he-“The man’s eye widened a bit and then he smiled, losing some of the tension in his body. “Its Taehyung, right? Jimin’s new roommate?”

 Tae blinked, nodding slowly although he couldn’t really be considered ‘new’ since a few months had already passed, and it wasn’t the first time that he’d shared a space with Jimin. The man looked familiar, and he clearly knew who he was, which meant he was probably one of Jimin’s friends from work. Taehyung tried not to feel too bad about not remembering whose name went with which face, he was often busy with his own work when Jimin would tell him about what happened during his working hours, so he couldn’t be expected to remember too many details. It was a similar situation when he tried to explain to Jimin the different editing terms while trying to perfect whatever photos he had done. He couldn’t count the numbers of times he’d just watched his best friends eyes glaze over with some familiar vague nodding.

 “I’m Hoseok, we met a while back when you first moved here.”

The man seemed to ooze happiness as he picked the boy up to rest him on his hip. Taehyung shuffled on his feet. He was a little unsure of what to say next. Usually he didn’t struggle with making conversation, but his head felt like it was filled with cotton, he couldn’t be faulted for this flaw of character right now.

 “Sorry,” Hoseok chuckled, rubbing at his neck with his free hand. “Jimin speaks about you all the time and even Jungkook and Jin mention you every once it in a while, it kind of feels like I know you.”

 “Uh…oh. Yeah. Jimin speaks about you a lot too.” Tae replied, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. His voice coming out deeper and with the beginnings of the congestion he’d hoped wouldn’t come so soon in the day. He cleared his throat in hopes that it would help. “The florist, right? With Yoongi?”

 It clearly didn’t help.

Hoseok’s smile faltered, turning more sympathetic. As if he had quickly pieced the obvious together.

 “Yeah, that’s me.” He shifted the boy on his hip when small hands grappled to be let down. Hoseok dropped his smile for a moment to give a stern look of disapproval that seemed to work like a spell over the boy as he went silent and placid in the mans hold. “I’m sorry about Sehjoon here. My sister asked me to look after him for the day and I think she both underestimates my babysitting capabilities and overestimates her sons behaviour. I was actually sent out of work for a bit because Yoongi needed a break from this level of chaos… Hey, he didn’t hurt you or anything right?”

 “Oh, no. No.” Tae gave a croaky laugh that irritated his throat. It already felt rough from the amount of coughing he’d done during the night and it appeared that he was nowhere close to being done with that. Turning away, he coughed deeply into his arm, twisting away despite wearing a mask, and winced at the spark of pain that had shot into him. God, he was so over this cold. “Sorry. He barrelled into me, but he would probably be at more risk of hurting himself than me. Has a hard head though. Definitely able to knock some people out with that.”

 That brought a bubble of sudden laughter from the other man that left Tae slightly bemused and yet, it was an odd feeling watching Hoseok laugh. A warmth of sorts spread over Taehyung when the man tossed his head back and seemed to glow as his shoulders shook. It was more contagious than Jimin’s illness and Taehyung couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the man as he began to tease his nephew shamelessly about being a new weapon of destruction. The boy simply whined and curled his head into Hoseok’s neck, apparently not seeing the same humour as his uncle.

  “I should get him a leash to be honest.” Hoseok joked, but Tae had a feeling the glint in the mans eyes meant he was deeply considering it.

 Taehyung didn’t really know how to reply so he just nodded slowly and turned his attention back to the freezer, recollecting his basket before just grabbing a few different meals at random and tossing them in with the juice and tissues he’d already gotten. Whatever it was he and Jimin would eat it whether they liked it or not. He had been out longer than he wanted to be by now and he wasn’t wasting more time on things that they probably wouldn’t taste much of anyway considering how this cold was progressing.

 “Not much of a cook?”

 Tae glanced to Hoseok who seemed to be shifting his weight as he looked towards the meals casually.

Sniffing lightly, Taehyung tried to suppress the desire to rub at his nose through the mask. He shrugged, his hand moving up to brush some hair from his eyes. “Never really learned. Jimin can’t either, but this is better than living off of take out.”

 “I can see Jin rolling in his figurative grave.” Hoseok chuckled. “If you want I can mention to Jungkook how I ran into you,  despite you clearly not feeling well. I can guarantee that you and Jimin will get visited by Yoongi and Jin with at least a months-worth of premade meals to be frozen because they heard from Jungkook that you were both malnourished and possibly dying.”

 He blushed at the call out on being sick, but to be fair, he hadn’t thought he’d run into anyone that would actually talk to him or that this store would be so busy during work hours. He also didn’t doubt Jungkook’s ability to exaggerate, Jimin had told him about some previous examples that had at the time probably caused Jin a lot of stress. It mostly seemed innocent but very few could look into Jungkook’s eyes and not believe everything he tells them. Tae had only just started speaking to him more and he already knew that.

“Please don’t. I can’t even bear to look at soup after these past few days and I have a feeling that would be a strong contender of what one would give a sick person.” Against his original will, he rubbed a finger to his nose as it twitched with an itchy irritation. “I need to get home actually; we had no food left so I should try to get back before Jimin wakes up. And I am about ready to sleep for the next week.”

 “Oh wow. So you really are in need of pre-made meals filled with some love and care.” Hoseok’s voice dipped into one similar to how he had teased his nephew. “Well, I won’t keep you then. You should get home and rest, but if you want to take me up on sending the s.o.s. message for food delivery, Jimin has my number.”

 Taehyung thanked the elder man shakily, and even managed to get a small wave bye from the boy, barely having time to hear the small apology for bumping into him before he abruptly turned away and buried his face into his elbow.

 H’EESH..hH’HEGXSHhh..

 There was a startled ‘oh’ and then deep chuckles. Taehyung winced as he gave a liquid sniff with a low groan, feeling even more congested than before.

 “ ‘cuse ‘be.”

 “Bless you,” Hoseok laughed with a hand instinctively holding his nephew closer. He dipped his head in a small bow. “Sorry, it’s not funny. That sounded awful, but I got a fright and now I feel dumb for jumping.”

 If he had blushed before, then this was him setting himself alight. That had never happened before, he’d never scared someone with his sneeze. Jimin was never going to let him live that down.

 “I’ll leave you be now,” the man grinned. “Go home and get some rest. But when you feel better we should hang out some time. Jimin speaks about you all the time and I just think it would be great to see more of you… like with everyone. Welcome you to the city properly.”

 “I…yeah. Okay.” Taehyung brushed his hands through his hair and took a starting step back, trying to hold back any more sniffling. “I’ll see you around then.”

 “Feel better soon, Taehyung, and get home safely.”

 ******************* 

HEESHHU..H’HIESHH…snfff.. … Heh..h..hhh..HHeGXTCHh…hnnxgGTSCHew!... nghHEHHSHH!!!

 Taehyung panted out hot hitchy breaths as the tissue box was set in front of him as an offering. He laid a hand on the box to take it, his other hand hovered desperately over his face as he geared up for the next sneeze. His teary eyes had barely blinked open before they were forced shut once more, his throat and head pulsed with each sneeze that ripped out of him.

 “Ble-e’hh-hh-ss yo-uishhhiew.. H’ingxtshh… hih’itishhew!”

 Taehyung grabbed a few tissues and let Jimin keep the box as the elder coughed and crumpled into the seat beside him, before following Tae’s example of blowing his nose tiredly.  

 After shopping, Taehyung had managed a slow drive back to the apartment with multiple stops to tear open one of the tissue boxes he’d bought. It hadn’t helped much, and he had felt progressively worse as the minutes ticked by until he’d made it into the house, where he had promptly collapsed onto the couch with his tissues – only having to get up again to dump the food he’d bought in the fridge and freezer before sluggishly dragging himself to the couch once more..

When he’d been coaxed awake by Jimin gently shaking his shoulder, he had been met with a dim early afternoon sun and a plate a steamy food that had definitely been nuked in the microwave for longer than necessary. And from there they hadn’t really moved much, other than Jimin having forced some medicine into them and making tea before joining Tae on the couch.

There was some drama playing softly on their tv, but neither of them really had the energy to focus on it properly and Tae could barely hear the dialogue anyway once the congestion in his sinuses began to interfere with his ears. Jimin had dragged in a blanket from his room and draped it over both of them as Tae added to the pile of used tissues that had begun to form on the floor in front of them. Nothing seemed to stop the constant tickle that plagued him, nor his noses inability to do what he wanted. Tae was considering just stuffing his nose with tissues at this point. Since the trip to the supermarket his nose had turned into a mess that was seemingly draining the life out of him. Jimin had assured him that despite what he thought, it would get better, but he was sure that his friend was just trying to be his usual hopeful self. Always ready to reassure and look out for him.

At least they were suffering together. That was an upside. Jimin claimed to be feeling a lot better than the day before and it seemed to be mostly true, he was definitely being more active than Tae wanted to be. Although that could also have just a factor of the smaller man sleeping like the dead for almost 20 hours and Taehyung thinking it was wise to leave the apartment earlier. He was just deeply glad that he wasn’t alone again.

 Tae hated being alone. Even when he was well, he’d tried living by himself before and it had eaten at him mentally. It’s a big reason why he had convinced Jimin to find a new apartment that they could share when he switched towns, instead of just finding a cheap single flat somewhere. Thankfully his Soulmate had been searching for something already, so he didn’t feel like too much of an inconvenience. Jimin had always teased him relentlessly for needing people but never wanting relationships, always just content with a friend to cuddle up to or hang out with. Yet watching Jimin and others grow into bonds and commitments always made him doubt. Jimin meant well with his chirps and edgy teasing, but it always made Taehyung worry about his future.

What would he do when Jimin finally moved on in life? It’s not like anyone would want to invest in a person that would never give themselves entirely to a partner... He would never fall into the trap of letting someone take what he didn’t want to give again, yet that was all everyone seemed to want from him. … Maybe he’d start up a cuddle site, or a hug program, he’ll think of a way to get the skin ship he needed without being a bother or a hazard to himself.

 “You’re thinking too loud again…” Jimin whined hoarsely and sunk into Tae’s side, rubbing his cheek into the other shoulder as he curled into him. “Your brainwaves are hurting mine.”

 “You’d need a brain to have brainwaves, you’ll be fine.” Tae mumbled as he ran a tissue under his nose with a sniff and yelped out a weary laugh when Jimin pinched at his ribs.  

 “Asshole.” The elder snipped, but the smile in his voice was evident.

  It took no prompt for Jimin to snuggle even deeper into Taehyung’s embrace, relishing in the warmth despite the dampness that had begun to seep through Tae’s shirt. It would probably be wise for them both to get in the shower – at the very least to rinse off their sweat and germs – but they were far too comfortable to move. Tae felt as if his body had become moulded into the seat and the heat that was created between himself, Jimin and their blanket; paired with the medication he’d taken, only made him dozier. Even as his mind raced through various what-ifs of the future, his eyes gradually drifted shut up before jerking open with any sound or movement. Soft hands brushed soothingly up his side, edging him closer to sleep with low humming, and just as his eyes closed again there was a sharp knock at the door that caused both of them to groan.

 “If we ignore it, they might think we’re not here.” Jimin whispered.

 Ah…H’ERSHH! ..

 “Never-“

 HE’ETCHSHH!!

 “… Never mind. Thank you Taetae.”

.

.

“Sorry..”

Another softer, more hesitant knock sounded through the apartment as Jimin pushed himself to his feet and handed control of the tissue box to Tae solemnly. He accepted it more desperately than he would have liked, but Jimin wasn’t going to judge him considering he’d been in the same situation just the day before.

 With a reluctant sigh, Jimin tried not to shiver against the loss of heat. “I’ll go see who it is then.”

  The photographer pushed himself up to sit cross legged instead off slouched down in the seat while Jimin left the room, so he could blow his nose as productively as he possible. Although his nose ached after so much blowing and he had immediately tumbled into a bout of coughing that had left him gasping and spitting into a tissue with a grimace, so he couldn’t really call it all that productive when it ultimately made him feel worse. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes with a yawn before considering just going to sleep anyway. From the front door he could vaguely make out Jimin’s voice – deeper and scratchier than usual – as he spoke with familiarity.

 Hopefully it wasn’t their neighbour. She had been hounding them about tidying up their balcony that, quite frankly, wasn’t that bad. Sure, it had way too many dead and dying plants and the chair out there had definitely seen better days, but if she didn’t like seeing it, she didn’t have to go out of her way to look. It wasn’t like they shared it.  

He leaned his head back to rest on the back of the couch and shut his eyes once more, trying to force himself to sink into sleep, yet it was now low grumbling and airy giggles kept him from rest. Irritated, he shifted so that he lay curled up on his side, tossing his heavy limbs around until he’d managed to get the soft, fluffy blanket over his body completely and tucked under his chin. Now if Jimin could get back so that he could at least have someone to cling onto, then he’d be ecstatic.

 Muffled coughing grew closer until Taehyung heard Jimin call out to him just loud enough to not disturb his penetrating, consistent headache.

 “Look,” Jimin practically collapsed on top of the photographer holding a small bouquet. He slid off quickly when the force of the landing set off Taehyung’s own thicker and hoarser coughs. “Sorry but look what Yoongi brought.”

 Ah… so there was a definite hold on the ‘cuddle’ part planned in their day. Once he didn’t think his throat was going to rip to pieces, Taehyung blinked heavily at the various bright flowers that had probably been put together with more thought and precision than he could possibly imagine in that moment. Clearly Yoongi had decided to call in a delivery, he wasn’t really surprised. Jimin’s eyes shone as if he truly hadn’t expected the florist to stop by, and Taehyung didn’t think the elder really cared what he thought about it, he had merely fallen into an instinctive habit. Although, Tae would have preferred not to be assaulted with things that would possibly trigger his sinuses.

He scrunched his nose and pushed away the hand that held the glorified weapons. There were quiet steps and a gentle murmur from behind them that he would have brushed off as him hearing things, if only Jimin didn’t glance up with such a warm, wide smile.

“Beau’iful Chim.” Tae sniffed and rolled so that the blankets rolled higher to hide his face.

 His cheeks were heated and Jimin turned his smile to him knowingly – albeit apologetic for letting Yoongi inside when Tae clearly just wanted Soulmate time. Jimin pressed a quick kiss to the small visible section of Tae’s damp forehead before getting to his feet with a stifled cough.

 “I’ll put these in water... You really didn’t have to come and check on me, you know.” Jimin said softly as he walked towards their kitchen. “Probably safer to just call.”

 “I’m not scared of getting sick, Jimin.” A low voice that could only be Yoongi, reassured as he followed the other. – So more than a delivery then.-  “I just wanted to make sure you were okay after yesterday. Hobi said he ran into Taehyung earlier… Although from the looks of things he should have probably stayed home, poor guy sounds worse than you did – than you do.”    

 Jimin hummed, and Taehyung shifted to cover his head entirely beneath the blanket, trying not to listen to the couples conversation. Maybe he should just move somewhere else and let them have some space without having to hide in the kitchen. Of course Yoongi would have to accept the fact that he was entering an area of disease, but he seemed more than willing considering he was already in their home.

Tae gave a sigh and then a deep sniffle. He plucked a fresh tissue to wipe at the tender skin under his nose. It took a moment to work up the energy but eventually he was able to twist so that he practically rolled off of the couch. His knees and hand connecting a lot harder than he’d predicted to the floor, while trying to keep the blanket as steady as possible on his hunched frame. With sluggish motions, he tried to sweep most of the used tissues up with his hands and dumped them into the wastepaper bin kicked under the table, then after achingly persistent hitch started up that had left him feeling frustrated at the lack of relief – he considered the area clean enough before standing unsteadily. Making sure the blanket was wrapped tightly over his shoulders, he grabbed the tissue box to take with him – Jimin could find something else, he felt he needed them more. Then he had almost tripped on the way to his room and had muttered half-hearted curses at the blanket for betraying him and getting caught up in his steps, until finally he was able to collapse onto his bed.

Sure it was cold and probably smelt of sweat but it was at least more comfortable than where he had been lying and it had pillows that he could hug in replacement of Jimin. He buried his face into his arm almost immediately, sneezing harshly twice before he was able to bring a tissue to his nose and smother three more, breaking off into an exhausted, thick cough that left him feeling miserable and wanting nothing more to recollect the bottle of medicine he’d taken earlier and take the rest of it.

God, he really was so over this stupid cold.

#bts sickfic #snzfic #platonic soulmates #established yoonmin #jhope appeared #Tae suffers #im sorry #only a bit tho #alternate universe #photographer taehyung #florist yoongi #florist jhope #friendship?

[misslilli]

Felix Felicis

MSR. AU. PG-13. | tagging @today-in-fic | read on AO3

Chapter 25 - 10 Things I Hate About You

“Guys, I can’t believe I’m saying this but I hate this even more than I hated the mutual pining!” Sarah and the two other girls that make up Operation: Bullwinkle are gathered around the big table in the teacher’s lounge. The door to Principal Skinner’s office is partially open, but they’re not worried about being overheard, they've got their codenames after all.

Holly sighs deeply, the sympathy for the fourth friend written across her face. “I know… it’s so awful. I can’t count the times I’ve walked in on her in the teacher’s bathroom, trying to hide the fact that she’s been crying in there.”

The third friend, Alex, is resting her chin on her hand and nods sadly. “Yeah… whenever she gets back from her therapist, it’s so bad I can hear the sniffles all the way to my bedroom and it breaks my heart!”

“You know, one time it was so bad and I didn’t know what else to do so I went upstairs and slipped into her bed. Held her till she finally fell asleep. What do we do, guys?”

“You’re right, S, we have to do something – it’s not getting better. I feel like it’s only getting worse! She’s going off on her kids all the time, I can hear it all the way across the hallway!”

“You know what I found last night in the trash? I wasn’t snooping, I swear, stop looking at me like that, Alex! So, I was just looking for my grocery list and I mistook the piece of paper for it. By the time I realized what it was, I’ve already read part of it and guys, it’s so heart-wrenching, I wanted to cry!” Holly and Alex lean in, curious about what their friend has found.

“What was it?” Sarah pulls a piece of paper from her pocket, unfolding it before handing it to her friends.

“Here. Read it yourselves, I can’t do it again!”

Miss Scully’s list of 10 things I hate about you

I hate the way you look at me

And the way you say my name

I hate the way you make me smile

But I do it all the same

I hate the way you’re teasing me

And the way you touch my hair

I hate how you look just so good

I hate the way I stare

I hate your big, dumb goofy smile

And the way it makes me feel

I hate the way I miss you now

And the pain I can’t conceal

I hate the fact that you’re so close

While not that close at all

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you

Not even close

Not even a little bit

Not even at all

Holly looks up from the note at her friends, mouth agape. “Oh my God … Squirrel must’ve written it that one night with her therapist. I guess I knew she likes that movie, but to write something like that yourself? Heartache must be pretty bad.”

Alex rubs her forehead, trying hard to think of something to do to help. “Well… when we talked a couple of days ago, she did say that she’s making a lot of progress dealing with her past so do you think it’s time to give her a little push towards her future?”

“You mean revive Operation: Bullwinkle? I don’t know, A, this is dangerous territory. If we push her too far, we might break more than we fix!,” Holly takes on the voice of caution in the conversation for a change.

“The Moose and Squirrel Misery Show has gone long enough though, he stays away because she asked him too and you know Squirrel, she’s come a long way but she’s probably terrified of rejection because she pushed him away. Which is also why they can’t see the other’s sorry state.”

“Sorry state’s right, A, have you seen Moose lately? Because I have, only once over the past few weeks, at drop-off, and he’s doing just as bad as Squirrel is. His mother had to come in to help out with the little Moose!”

“So what do we do now?”

“I think I can help with that!” The girls jump at the sound of Skinner’s voice, none of them had heard him come out of his office, too involved in their conversation. They look at their boss in confusion. “Sorry ladies, I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation and I think I’ve got a solution to the problem”

Holly raises her eyebrows. “How do you know a solution when you don’t know the problem, sir?”

“Please. Your codenames are clever, but they’re fairly easy to figure out if you know a few details.” The three friends stare at him, shocked into silence. Finally, Sarah regains the ability to speak.

“You know?”

“Miss Anderson, Moose, no Mulder, is my friend and I know a few things that you were talking about from seeing it first-hand. At one point, I wasn’t sure who’s taking care of whom, but Felix is a child, so I called in his grandmother to help. He doesn’t say her name when we talk about her but between the teary-eyed look Miss Scully has been sporting lately and your Moose and Squirrel bit, I’ve figured out who he’s talking about. And just like you, I can’t take watching him suffer anymore, so what do you say? Can I get in on Operation: Bullwinkle?”

Sarah huffs out a laugh at the absurdity of the situation. “I can’t believe you want to help us play matchmaker, sir!”

“You haven’t seen the look on his face, Miss Anderson, and you didn’t hear him talking about her non-stop ever since they first met.”

“So all this time, you never asked him about who he was talking about? Why?”

“I figured he’d come out with it eventually, but I also didn’t want to pry. Besides, I think he doesn’t want me to know that it’s one of my teachers because he’s afraid I’d chew out his ass for being in love with one of my ducklings.”

The girls hold a silent conversation between themselves, finally landing on the decision that they could use all the help they can get in this situation.

“Okay, so tell us about your plan, sir!”

“First, we talk to them, give them a piece of our minds that this situation has gone on for far too long now. Feel out if they’re ready. Then, we get them in a room together, not alone, with people around and we’ll see what happens.”

“Uh huh… and when would we do that?” Alex is dubious of the plan they’re hatching.

“The Christmas party at The Cabby Shack. Just get her there and I’ll do my best to do the same with him.”

“Sounds like a plan. Operation: Bullwinkle 2.0, here we come!”

Sad!Scully makes me miserable, too 🥺 I cried when I re-wrote this poem

#xf #the x files #xf fanfic #msr #felix felicis

[eloquent-vowel]

Part 1 "The Wall" Bucky x OFC (#043)

Description: She was raised in Hydra, trained to be the most powerful soldier, built to be the only threat to the Winter Soldier in case they ever needed to contain the Asset. The one thing they did not account for was the two of them making a connection and for #043 to wish to find her own identity.

Tags: Angst, Fluff, Slow burn, very much a slow burn. Bucky Barnes x OFC, Winter Soldier X OFC.

Warnings: There will be suggestions of harm to children that may become more graphic in future parts. This will contain canon typical violence in future parts.

Please enjoy the start to this slow burn Bucky Fic! I hope to keep this going through May (fingers crossed)! <3

Since she was a little girl things around her were everchanging. She would be moved from place to place, never staying for more than a year in one facility. Faces around her would shift, it was always a different person bringing her into the room everyday, the furniture in each room was slightly different, the bed would be in the centre of the room one year and against the right wall the next. There were only two constants in her life, Dr. Leeb and The Wall.

No matter which facility she went to, the same wall would be painted with the same image. The dripping red paint distorting the lines of the skull emblazoned on her wall, the six tentacles curling around the bottom of the skull would frame her head perfectly as she stared at it. For all the changes she went through she was thankful for this small bit of familiarity, she found that the strange symbol was a source of comfort. After a particularity hard day of training, while she would sit and wait for her bones to snap back into place, she would stare at the dried paint memorising every unique drop and counting every brick that it tinted red. The counting helped with the pain of healing.

The other constant was Dr. Leeb. For as long as she could remember, his face was all there was. Dr. Leeb was a stern looking blonde man, who worse glasses with frames so thin she thought that they would break if he sniffed too hard. He did that a lot, sniffing. So he always carried around that musty red handkerchief that was constantly pressed against her skin when he wanted to touch her. He had a thing about that as well, while the guards and trainers had no problem touching her, Dr. Leeb refused to let his hands make direct contact with her skin.

Her life was monotonous other than the changing facilities. Wake up before the sun, endurance training, breakfast, strength training, lunch, combat training, remember The Wall, dinner, intelligence training, bed, repeat. The routine was never broken over the twelve years she had it.

She was waiting for dinner, re-counting the familiar paint drops, twitching each time she felt a rib snap back to its proper position when two voices came drifting through the door- one was masculine, deep and they spoke Russian with a slight American accent.

"What is she doing?"

"What do you care what #043 is doing? She's just being weird, as usual." This voice was more feminine and the Russian was perfect, a native perhaps?

"I mean, it's hard not to be curious. The girl-"

"The subject."

"The subject, sorry, the subject has been trained since she was 4, you can't tell me you aren't curious about what that does to a person."

"We aren't paid to be curious." The feminine voice was harsher, lower, angry even. "I suggest you shut your mouth, I don't know how long you've been here but we aren't supposed to engage in conversation with the Subject."

"We aren't even talking to #043! I can't imagine what it was like, to grow up without a mother, father, family, friends, school, hell even a house, she must not remember anything about where she came from before all this. Gosh, what if I never knew my p- OUCH!"

There was a scream of pain and what sounded like bones breaking, "We don't get paid to talk, you fool, be quiet before I break something worse than a toe."

The voices stopped talking then.

"Family?" The girl whispered to herself, eyes following the circle around the symbol while her fingers traced the same pattern on her wrist. "I was somewhere before this?".

#043 closed her eyes and willed herself to remember something, something before Dr. Leeb and The Wall. She breathed deeply and focused inwards, trying to find anything. She could have sworn she smelt a sweet, candied and fruity smell before she was snapped out of it by a bang on her door. It was time for dinner. She stood to get her meal, sitting right back down in front of The Wall again. The red symbol stared back at her and for some reason its empty eyes threw a shiver of discomfort down her spine. Her eyes didn't leave the symbols as the soldier's by the door saluted Dr. Leeb with the same phrase she had heard all her life.

Hail Hydra.

Part 2

#marvel #hydra #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky x original female character #bucky x oc #bucky fic #angst #avengers #eventual fluff #winter soldier x oc #bucky barnes one shot #winter soldier #sebastian stan #hydra are assholes #When did a simple prompt lead to me planning a whole ass series... I have work to do! #eloquent-vowel