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#i won't go on hiatus (i think??) but i do think i won't be able to be active as much
taegularities · 1 year
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so hhhh
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m4niackkyun · 1 year
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Hi. (Announcement in the tags)
#uhmm...i don't know how to explain this...#so my family has been having a lot of trouble lately#mostly our relationship with our step father#there's been ups and downs..well..more on the downer side. the only main reason my mother married him was because of..well..#money..as trash as that sounds. i can't deny the fact that I've been able to continue my studies due to his financial support.#i don't want to justify anything that i've probably done wrong to him but emotionally right now—i'm simply scarred to the point where—#I don't think I could heal without professional help. I've been struggling a lot with it ever since of what he did#i felt disgusted. dirty. I felt lost. I didn't want to forgive him. maybe this is the punishment i have to endure because I didn't have it—#—in me to forgive him. I know the principles of my religion and it is stated that one must always find forgiveness towards others.#no matter how big their mistake is. but you see—I'm not God. I am human. my kindness isn't as grand and as big as Him.#my patience is limited and so is my forgiveness#that applies the same to my mother. my mother is a very patient person when it comes to her husband. but yet again she isn't an angel—#nor is she God. she is also human and has limits to what she could handle and what she could forgive and forget.#they argued tonight. and I don't think it'll slide or end well like the past arguments. and I'm sorry to say but—#I won't be able to be active all that much either.#without him now I'll probably have to look for part time jobs. which is gonna limit how active I will be here and on my main account#I will probably go into an indefinite hiatus for some time#maybe I'll come back...maybe I won't. hopefully I will. just...pray for me that I have it in me to continue doing what I love and—#—sharing these little bits of what I do in my free time with you.#I won't have the time to reply to anything for the time being. college tests are on the way and I have to prepare myself for—#—the better or worse.#if things go downhill and you don't hear from me for a long while. then this will probably be my last post here.#I'll still be able to reply to messages on other platforms#but I just don't have the emotional stability to talk right now. No it's gonna be fine. I have faith in me and God.#I know that He doesn't put His children into burdens that none of them could handle.#and if He thinks I could handle this. then I will. and I can. He is with me and so is all of your faith.#that puts me in a sense of reassurance a little hahah...#yeah.. so...I'll see you then..bye.
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dr3c0mix · 6 months
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I immediately apologize for the bad English!
How does Caspian plan to keep the fem!reader underwater? Or does he have another plan? thank you, your work is very nice🛐
ill be making this gn since its a part 2 but if you want a one-off thing with a fem!reader, just request it! :3
Also sorry for the long hiatus again but here's the long awaited part 2 ! yaay you're not dead !! :D
Yandere!Siren x GN Reader Pt. 2
CW: Kidnapping, Slight Stockholm Syndrome, Non-con licking (reader is asleep), idk Caspian being a delulu icon
🌊 You wake up with a throbbing headache and a vague memory of what transpired before you blacked out.
🌊 The feeling of overwhelming pressure and deepness comes back to you, memories start to come back as you see a red mark on your arm.
🌊 You remember now, the screams and cries of your classmates ring in your ears before the memory of being dragged down to the depths hit you like a wave.
🌊 a splash of water pulled you out of your thoughts, it was then you looked around at the place you were in.
🌊 It looked like you were in a cave illuminated by algae and glowing sea creatures. the cavernous area was sandy and a bit wet with a deep pool which led to an underwater tunnel, it was the only entrance and exit to the cave from what you can see.
🌊 Behind you was a house built out of a shipwreck, the broken boards of the deck repaired with random planks and cloths.
🌊 "Honey~ I know you're a bit out of sorts right now but uhm..could you help me out a bit~?" a familiar voice echoed throughout the cave.
🌊 You gasp and instinctively stand up and back away from where the voice came from. Caspian was lying on the shore, a net full of what seems to be canned food and fish tied around his waist like a satchel.
🌊 "My treasure~! I know you're excited to explore your new home, but can you help me get to shore first~" Caspian coos as he smiles at you awkwardly, his large tail flopping on the sand.
🌊 You grab a piece of driftwood and hold it like a weapon. "D-Don't come any closer!" you yell at him nervously, afraid of what he might do after you saw his capabilities, and his sharp teeth..
🌊 "My sweet, you have nothing to worry about~! Why would I ever hurt you~? Those mean humans tried to hurt us! You'd never do that to me now would you~?" He tries to calm you down.
🌊 It takes a while for you to calm down considering how confused and scared you were, but with no way out and Caspians lack of intention to hurt you, the only thing left to do was to just sit and try to think logically about the situation.
🌊 Caspian tries to help you make sense of your little predicament, it was mostly him making an excuse to hold you close because "Am I not able to help you relax my treasure~?"
🌊 So you're in a cave after getting kidnapped brought to safety by a mermaid, how fun...
🌊 You has no choice but to accept your new lifestyle, after all, the only out was an underwater cavern, and you had no idea how deep or long it was. Caspian might not be the best at moving on land, but without him, you'd drown if you attempt to leave.
🌊 Once you told the siren that you weren't going anywhere soon unfortunately, He lit up and gave you a big, soaking wet hug. "Oh my treasure! You'll be happy here, I promise~!" He peppers your face with kisses, some making you shiver at the thought of his sharp teeth being so close to your flesh.
🌊 He'd go out every day to get food for you and him, sometimes surprising you with gifts!
🌊 He knows you like reading, so any book or parchment that he finds is immediately brought to you so you won't be so bored <3
🌊 More often than not they're too wet to actually read, but you appreciate the effort you suppose.
🌊 You also had to explain what cooking is to Caspian and that humans can't eat fish raw...and alive..
🌊 Get ready to be showered with pearls and pretty shells and treasure! Caspian is a bit picky when it comes to his own horde so anything that he considers nice but not on par with his tastes goes to you~!
🌊 He would always ask to sleep with you in your bed, and he doesn't take no for an answer.
🌊 "It's cold my treasure~! Could you warm me up~?"
🌊 "It gets so lonely in the water~ May I stay in bed with you my love~?"
🌊 "But I got all those nice things for you~!"
🌊 He would keep whining and fussing until you agree. He doesn't care at all that your sheets are all now soaked.
🌊 If you tell him to dry off first, he will! But you'll have to pay him with a kiss~
🌊 He may or may not sniff your hair while you sleep...and maybe lick your neck..
🌊 He can't get himself to sleep sometimes, he'd just watch you sleep the whole time. What can he say? You're too irresistible~!
🌊 Sometimes he'd even whisper sweet things into your ear, promising you the world if you'd let him.
🌊 More often than not, he sings you to sleep. The anxieties of never seeing your family again and living off of just fish and other sea creatures was getting to you, not to mention the many hours of being alone in a cave.
🌊 His siren song lulled you to bed every night. No matter how much you distanced yourself away from him, he was always able to calm you down with his voice.
🌊 "Hush now my dear~...You'll learn to like it here~ And one day, we'll be married and live happily ever after~ Just like in your stories~ Just you wait~..."
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j2lx · 1 year
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Arguing With Them (headcanons)
Warnings: angst to fluff, arguments (obviously lol), worrying about safety and overworking, insecurities, crying (a lot of crying), mentions of abuse in Sukuna's part and Naoya's part
A/n: I am so so sorry I went on hiatus without notice =( I just came back from my overseas vacation and I was so tired on the trip and when I just came home that I couldn't do much. I finally got the energy to finish this draft that was sitting in my docs for like a month so please do enjoy reading!
Characters: Itadori Yuuji, Fushiguro Megumi, Kugisaki Nobara, Gojo Satoru, Nanami Kento, Ryomen Sukuna (Sukuna has his own body in this but isn't in his OG form), Zenin Maki, Okkotsu Yuuta, Inumaki Toge, Suguru Geto (basically high school Geto, before he became all you know), Toji Fushiguro (he isn't broke in this fic just so it isn't as confusing), Naoya Zenin (he isn't misogynistic (for Fem!readers) cuz he loves you a lot!) x Gender Neutral!reader
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Itadori Yuuji
You hardly argue with your boyfriend. You understand him, and he understands you. The two of you never argue much since you both are able to come to a mutual agreement. Both of you get along really well, and think in similar ways, so it's rare for things to escalate into a fight.
When it does though, it hurts the both of you a lot. Guilt tends to gnaw at you two, and you both start to feel bad for lashing out at each other instead of talking it out slowly. Yuuji would be the one who's more affected between the two of you. He won't even be able to sleep after arguing with you because of how bad he feels.
Most of the time, you argue because of your boyfriend's lack of concern for his own safety. He tends to put others before himself in all situations, putting him at risk of injuries and even death. While you understand that the both of you being Jujutsu sorcerers would mean risking your life at times, you just can't tolerate how your boyfriend seems to be unnecessarily throwing himself into situations that could kill him.
Yuuji, being the caring and kind person who makes sure to protect others more than himself, fails to understand where you're coming from when these arguments start. It's his job after all, and it's what he should be doing. He just doesn't understand why you are so concerned when you yourself have to do the same. He doesn't get why you say he's "going too far" and "basically almost dying on every mission".
He's always stubborn and defends himself during these arguments, telling you that he's already doing his best to protect himself. But when you start to walk away and cry, he'll start to reflect and more often than not, he does realise that what you're saying is true. He just gets into the heat of the moment during missions and ends up not thinking about ways he could protect himself better, all while getting the mission done.
When you start to walk away, he'll immediately chase after you and try to apologise to you. Most of the time, all you want to do is make up with your boyfriend and cuddle with him while he holds you close to him. However, if you ever decide that you need time alone instead, Yuuji will sit outside of your dorm, listening to the shuffling of your feet in the room, your soft cries and sniffles, waiting for you to open the door and let him in to comfort you when you feel ready enough.
Yes, arguments with your boyfriend might hurt, and it might be tough to get through to him most of the time, but when he sees how desperate, concerned and sad you are, he'll start to understand. He'll never let you stay mad at him after these arguments because he doesn't want to lose you over something that he should have realised that he was wrong about all along. Expect loads of cuddles and Yuuji being clingy to you after arguments! (Also lots of "I love you"s from him)
Fushiguro Megumi
Honestly, arguments with Megumi occur once in a while, but it hardly escalates into something really big. Megumi isn't always the best at understanding your feelings and trying to see where you're coming from, especially if it's about your safety. He's stubborn and stands his ground in arguments, which makes arguing with him a little… painful.
He tries his best to understand your point of view, really. But you're the most important person to him, and it's natural for him to want to protect you no matter what, right? When arguing with him, it always hurts you more than him, because sometimes it's like he's scolding you and not hearing you out. But after the argument, all the guilt hits him like a ton of bricks and he starts to feel really bad for just lashing out at you.
Arguments with him are the worst when he realises changes in your behaviour. You started to train and exercise a lot in your free time, which confused him. You didn't spend as much time with him anymore and he could tell that you were overworking yourself. When he confronted you about it, you refused to tell him about it and it pissed him off. You were so important to him, and he wanted the best for you, so why couldn't you open up and tell him?
He starts to lecture you about reasons you shouldn't overwork yourself and tells you, in a rather harsh way, that you should tell him what's going on. And the whole time, he doesn't pause to let you speak at all. He's just so worried and annoyed that he goes on and on. He starts getting blinded by his concern and anger that he forgets to listen to you, and even if he does, he tends not to process it before he says something again.
He only knows he's gone too far when you start tearing up, shouting above his voice that the only reason you were overworking yourself was so that you could match up to him, so that he wouldn't leave you behind. And when you run out of his dorm and hide in your own dorm, locking the door the moment you step in, he finally starts to process what you said.
He sits on the edge of his bed, processing everything you said. He feels the guilt of not hearing you out properly, and he knows he has to do something to make it up to you. He knows he isn't the best at expressing his emotions through his words, so he heads to the kitchen and starts to make a cup of your favourite hot drink for you, before heading to your dorm.
He always knocks on your door and asks if you can let him into your dorm. If you don't, he sets the drink down on a table in the common room and tells you to drink it before it gets cold, and then heads back to his dorm. But if you let him in, like you do more often than not, he'll set the drink on the table you have in your room and apologise to you, before asking if he can cuddle with you, which you always agree to.
Kugisaki Nobara
Arguments with her are actually pretty rare! Most of the time, the two of you just try your best to understand each other, and it works perfectly well. The two of you hardly meet a situation where both of you have really different opinions and disagree strongly with each other.
But when that does happen, it gets heated very quickly. One of you would start accusing the other person, while the other has no choice but to defend themselves to the best of their abilities. You both end up really mad at each other because you didn't really listen to each other's feelings and instead, started shouting accusations at each other.
Nobara really appreciates it when you spend time with her on your days off from missions and school. She often takes the initiative to ask you when you're free and then sets aside those few days just to spend time with you. So when you told her that you took up an urgent mission, even though there were other people to handle it, she was really annoyed and pissed off. You had promised three weeks ago that you'll spend time with her on that day, and yet you decided to go on a mission that any other Jujutsu sorcerers could handle instead.
She started out by asking you why you wanted to do that, and when you replied that it was so you could get promoted more quickly, she snapped. She had told you countless times that in the Jujutsu world, you'll forever want to aim higher and higher, and there was no end to it. And yet, you had taken up a mission on a day she specially put aside so that the two of you could go out together.
Accusations and screaming is all that can be heard when your arguments get that heated. She calls you a liar and you retort that she doesn't care about you. She says that she can't trust you anymore and you reply that if she believes that, it's fine by you. It's just her attacking you with her words and you just trying to defend yourself. Eventually, it gets too frustrating for Nobara and she just walks out of your dorm, slamming the door behind her.
In the end, you go on your mission. But on the way there, you start reflecting, and realise that you were in the wrong to begin with. And truth to be told, you don't know how to make it up to your girlfriend. You know that she's always looking forward to these kinds of days, days that she can spend with you, having fun and just hanging out together. And yet, you decided to ruin it all and make her angry by breaking a promise.
When you get back to Jujutsu High, you knock on Nobara's dorm room. You hear a muffled "go away", so you just leave, giving her the space she needs. You head out again to buy her something you know she'll like, and then leave it outside her dorm room when you return. And when she finds the gift outside of her door, with an apology letter, she goes to look for you immediately so that the two of you can make up and cuddle in her dorm after that.
Satoru Gojo
You get into arguments with him mostly because of what he's doing. Be it annoying and teasing you too much, or being too reckless, it's always because he gets too cocky and negligent of himself that the two of you end up arguing. It doesn't happen often, since he listens to your scoldings when you try to tell him to stop being annoying or reckless.
And on the occasion that the argument does escalate, it's always him trying to defend his own actions by giving you random excuses. And if that doesn't piss you off enough, he never gives you the space to cool down after arguments. He'll cling to you, because "the argument is over" and he clearly thinks that it's fine to stick close to you when you clearly need your own space.
It's the worst when you get into arguments with him over his safety. His only excuses are that he's "the strongest" and since he "hasn't died yet, you don't have to worry". And while you don't disagree that he's the strongest, and know full well that he won't bite the dust that easily, you just can't help but worry. Yes, Satoru understands you like no other, the only thing he'll never comprehend is your worry for his safety.
Maybe it's because he's just that confident in his own abilities, or he just doesn't deem it necessary for you to worry over him when he promised that he'll return home to you no matter what. Regardless, he's stubborn when these kinds of arguments happen, more so than usual. He'll pick on everything you say, use things he's said in the past, just do absolutely anything to win the argument when that's not exactly the point. In the heat of the moment, he always forgets that it's you worrying about him, that you're scared for him. And instead of trying to reassure and comfort you, he starts to defend his own actions.
You're always the one to step back from the arguments and head to your shared bedroom to just have some space for yourself. However, your boyfriend takes that as a cue that all's well and good, and that you're on good terms with him again. He'll knock on the bedroom door, and no matter what your response is to that, he'll enter the room and start clinging to you, hugging and kissing you when all you really want is time away from him. He only gets that when you tell him to leave and shove him away from you.
He'll give you all the time in the world after that, just so that you can calm down as much as possible. And instead of distracting himself from the sadness of being pushed away, he sits outside the bedroom door, listening to every sound you make. He has to will himself not to burst into the room when he hears your quiet sobs, and just curls up into a ball, hoping that you'll calm down soon.
And when you finally let him into the room, your eyes red and puffy, he'll pull you into a hug while apologising for how unreasonable and annoying he was. He spends the rest of the day cuddling with you and being at your every command. He would do everything and anything, literally anything, just to cheer you up and make you feel better.
Nanami Kento
Arguments with him are super duper rare. He really tries his best to understand your feelings and will never lash out, even if you're being unreasonable sometimes. He's able to reason with you very well, so the two of you hardly get into arguments if there's ever something that's bothering either of you.
That doesn't mean that there are no arguments at all. Of course, when arguments do happen, Kento tries to let you understand his side of the story and hears you out no matter what. But when it does escalate, he knows when to end the argument and give you some space. There will be raised voices and even shouting, but at some point, he knows that it's not going to help solve anything and gives you the space to calm down.
The worst argument you had with him was over him being "obsessed" with hunting down a curse. You heard of this unregistered special grade curse with a patchwork face, and you knew just how dangerous it was to track it down. But you knew that your boyfriend was trying to help out and protect people from this curse by finding it and exorcising it.
Even so, you couldn't really understand why he had to work so hard to hunt it down, even working overtime on most days just to get information and track the curse's location. It wasn't just that he was spending less time with you, he was risking his own life and safety by trying to accomplish his mission. And you drew the line at that. You couldn't lose Kento. So you confronted him about it one evening after he came back from working overtime yet again.
It started out fine, just you telling him to give it up, or at least not work so hard over this matter. You expected him to understand, to listen to you, but you were wrong. He started to tell you about the mission, why it was important, why he had to do his best to search for it even if it meant that he had to work overtime. And that just leads to you shouting at him, telling him how neglected and scared you feel. And he starts to raise his voice too, saying that you don't understand how important his work is, even though you're a Jujutsu sorcerer too. Both of your voices fill your shared apartment, just pointless screaming that isn't helping either of you to come to a consensus.
After a while, Kento calms down and approaches you slowly, wiping away the tears that flowed down your cheeks without you even noticing. He goes to the kitchen and hands you a cup of water before going to your shared bedroom, giving you some space and leaving you alone in the living room to think about what happened.
He always waits for you to calm down fully and look for him. The last thing he wants is for him to cause you to feel more upset by approaching you while you're still mad at him. Rest assured though, after you go to look for him, he'll apologise very sincerely and do whatever you want to do with him. Expect lots of cuddles and kisses, and even a date later in the week!
Ryomen Sukuna
Arguments with your boyfriend are not exactly common, but they do happen more than should. He's not the best with emotions, but he's really trying his best to understand your point of view. He knows that he needs to start being gentler and more sympathetic, and he's really working on it.
But more often than not, arguments with him do escalate quite badly. He's stubborn, and most of the time he forgets that communication is a two way thing. It's not that he's shutting you out on purpose, he just doesn't register that he needs to let you voice out your opinions so that he can hear you out.
Most of the time, arguments occur because of how overprotective your boyfriend becomes when you talk to another guy. You've told him before that men have taken advantage of you before, gained your trust before throwing you around and using you for their own cruel plans. And whenever Sukuna sees someone being nice to you, he panics. He doesn't think that they're genuinely trying to be nice to you. Instead, his brain thinks of the worst case scenario and immediately his body acts to protect you in case they do anything to you.
It wasn't the first time Sukuna had to meet a male colleague of yours. Considering that you both were Jujutsu sorcerers, most of your colleagues were his as well, and he slowly managed to warm up to them without feeling the need to protect you from them, because he trusts them enough. But when he met your new make colleague who was going to be your mentee, he kind of lost it. Your boyfriend immediately glared at him when he tried to help you carry some documents back to the office, scaring your mentee.
When you got back to your shared apartment, you confronted Sukuna about his actions. To you, it was just plain unreasonable that he had scared someone innocent and who had done nothing to harm you. Your boyfriend got frustrated that you couldn't see it from his point of view and told you to just let him protect you so that no one else would take advantage of you. And while you could see where he was coming from, you couldn't tolerate the fact that he was going around intimidating people who were innocent and had no plan to abuse you like the people you encountered in the past. So you shoved him away and told him to leave you alone as you left the apartment and went to stay over at Shoko's place for the night.
The next morning, you were greeted by your mentee the moment you got to the campus of Jujutsu High. He shared about how Sukuna had apologised to him for scaring him, and had warned him not to take advantage of you, which he assured you he had no intention of doing. Upon hearing that your stubborn and somewhat unapologetic boyfriend actually apologised to someone who wasn't you, you couldn't help but feel a little touched and decided to find him after work to make up with him.
You managed to catch up to him as he was leaving the campus and immediately reached to grab his arm, stopping him in his tracks. You wrapped your arms around his torso and pressed your face into his chest, apologising for being irrational the previous night, and thanking him for looking out for you. He smiled before picking you up in his arms and pressing a kiss on your forehead, whispering an apology as well. He put you down gently and you both walked hand in hand, ready to go back home together.
Maki Zenin
You and Maki have arguments, yes, but they hardly occur. The two of you prefer to sit down and talk about it calmly instead of lashing out at each other, since talking it out makes the both of you more comfortable with sharing your views and helps make the atmosphere less tense.
During the extremely heated and intense arguments, that are few and far between, it becomes much more difficult for the both of you to take a step back and it usually ends up in the two of you ignoring each other for a while.
It's not uncommon to see Maki work out and train in her free time, considering that she wants to work hard to get promoted and just get stronger in general. Anyone who knows her would know that she works out almost everyday during her break time, and you're used to that too. In fact, you do enjoy joining in with her, or just watching your girlfriend while she trains.
But sometimes, it gets a little too much. It's not that you want to be the kind of clingy s/o, nor do you want to disrupt Maki's training regime and deprive her of the time she has to work out, but it's been bad to the extent that she only has time to eat and sleep outside of classes, missions, training and working out. Due to it being the season where more curses appear, all of you at Jujutsu High have been assigned more missions and life has been busier than usual. You would've thought that with the number of missions she was assigned, your girlfriend wouldn't have the time or energy to work out when she got a break (if she got any), but she clearly proved you wrong.
You decided to talk to her about it one day. It wasn't just about the way she spent her time, but also about her health and sleep schedule. You were more worried than anything, and you just wanted to make sure that she was alright and safe. Maybe it was the stress from all the missions, or it could've been the weather, but for whatever reason, Maki was more pissed than usual when you tried to talk to her. You explained the situation calmly and yet she could only snap that you wouldn't understand. And when you tried again to ask her about how she was feeling, she said that she was fine in a deadpanned voice. You got frustrated and ended up shouting at her, which led her to shout at you too. After she made her point she turned to leave and didn't talk to you for the next few days.
Even after the whole argument, you still wanted to look out for your girlfriend as much as possible. That led you to going to the teachers and requesting for them to give Maki fewer missions, just so she wouldn't push herself too hard on a daily basis. And little did you know that a certain blindfolded teacher mentioned it to your girlfriend in passing one day during training.
As a result, you were shocked to see Maki outside your dorm room on a weekend morning, considering that she usually went for jogs at that time. She explained that Gojo has told her about what you did, and apologised for being mean to you. You did the same, admitting that it was probably not right for you to disturb her when she was in the middle of getting ready for a mission. You invited her to spend the rest of the day with you, and the two of you let the rare time you had away from missions and training pass while spending time catching up with each other.
Okkotsu Yuuta
Arguments with Yuuta almost never occur, just because you two get along really well and never actually had a good reason to get into an argument. You two are like relationship goals, being able to understand each other's emotions and adapting the needs of the other party.
Even when things escalate, it never goes to the point of leaving a permanent, unforgettable scar on either of you. The two of you are both very emotional, and neither of you can bear to see the other person crying. So your arguments never escalate beyond a certain point, because you just can't stand to see each other hurt because of what had been said.
The only time you've had a super heated argument with Yuuta was when he finished his training overseas and was going to come back. Despite the fact that he kept telling you that he was going to return home to you soon, the date kept being pushed back. It was a full two weeks since the initial date he was supposed to come back home, and yet he was still overseas because of the missions he had to take up at the last minute.
You were slowly becoming more and more impatient. It's been months since you've seen your boyfriend, and the time you've spent apart just gets longer by the day. Did he not care about you anymore? It started to seem that way. You were normally an understanding person, and you knew how hard your boyfriend had it, considering he was a special grade sorcerer. But if you had to spend just another week away from him, you knew you would break. You decided to call Yuuta, just to let him know that you needed him back as soon as possible.
The call didn't go as you expected at all. You started by telling Yuuta how much you love him, and that you really can't do it anymore. That you can't spend any more time without him by your side. And Yuuta, with guilt laced in his voice, told you that he had to stay for six more days because of the appearance of a special grade curse. And that's when you broke. With tears trickling down your cheeks, you asked him if he even loved you anymore in a shaky voice, before hanging up on him and going to sleep, hugging the plush toy he bought for your birthday to comfort yourself.
You didn't hear from Yuuta the day after that and resigned yourself to the fate that you wouldn't see him until a week later. The last thing you expected was to hear a knock on your door the first thing in the morning, and for your boyfriend to be standing on the other side of the door, his bags and luggage still with him. He handed you a small bouquet of flowers with a small teddy bear on it and hugged you to his chest tightly. You could hear the tremble in his voice as he whispered apologies in your ear, and you pulled away from the hug to give him a peck on the lips.
After he placed his baggage in his dorm room and took a shower, he headed straight for your room to cuddle with you. The two of you talked things out, apologised to each other and started to plan for what to do if he got sent on a long trip again. Needless to say, you both spent the rest of the day in each other's arms, kissing and cuddling to your heart's content.
Inumaki Toge
You and Toge never had an argument before, as weird as it sounds. Of course Toge is a prankster and he loves teasing and flustering you, but he never goes overboard and never causes you discomfort of any sort. The two of you just never had anything to argue over, and you were thankful for that.
Well, that held true until… that happened. That's when you learnt what arguments with your boyfriend were like. And it wasn't even a normal argument. It was a horrible and scarring experience for the both of you. You just shut him out and Toge basically couldn't defend himself because you were ignoring him.
It all started when a new second year student transferred from Kyoto Jujutsu High to Tokyo. They were randomly assigned a buddy from the second years in Tokyo and it just so happened to be your boyfriend, Toge. At first, you were happy for him. Because of his cursed speech, it was difficult for him to make new friends and you had a feeling that this buddying experience would help him gain a new friend.
The warm feeling of happiness slowly turned to bitter envy when your boyfriend's buddy started to cling to him more. They basically spent the whole day together, and the only time they weren't together was during bedtime. From training to doing homework together, Toge's schedule suddenly became dedicated to them. And despite knowing that Toge loved you and only you, jealousy washed upon you and you couldn't help but feel more and more insecure by the day.
It got so bad that eventually, you couldn't even bring yourself to get out of your dorm room, unless it was for classes or training. You didn't want to see his buddy clinging to him, and your boyfriend paying them the attention they were seeking. You decided that you had enough one night, and took your phone from the bedside table and sent a message to Toge that said, "I hope you and your buddy are getting along, because it certainly seems so. If you don't want to be with me anymore, you know you can just tell me right?" And with that, you switched your phone off and tried your best to go to sleep.
You didn't leave your room for the entire day the next day and tried to distract yourself from hunger by reading the books you had. However, by the time it was evening, you were so hungry and desperate for food that you had no choice but to leave your room. And when you opened your door, you saw a lunchbox tied to the door handle on the other side. Without even opening it up, you knew it was from your boyfriend.
You immediately went to his dorm and knocked on the door. It took less than 10 seconds for the door to open and for him to pull you into a tight hug. Toge then dragged you into his room gently, and gestured for you to sit on his lap after he settled onto the edge of his bed. He placed a small kiss on your nose and muttered, "S…Sorry." You instantly felt your heart soften; hearing your boyfriend speak words other than onigiri ingredients was something that rarely occurred. You apologised before cupping his cheek and kissing him roughly on the lips, the kiss conveying all the emotions and love you felt for each other.
Suguru Geto
Yes, arguments do happen but they don't last long nor are they super intense. No seriously, your boyfriend is one of the most compassionate and sympathetic people you've ever met, so it's not often that he can't understand how you feel.
But when he truly fails to see where you're coming from, either because he thinks that what he's saying is more justifiable, or because he thinks that you're overacting, then the argument does escalate into something more heated than usual. He'll still hear you out, but he's likely going to continue to defend himself.
With a boyfriend who's a special grade sorcerer, it's only normal for you to have to spend time away from Suguru at times. It could be because of long missions overseas or just emotional distance because he can't spend much time with you. No matter what, he always makes it up to you after all his missions and assignments and spends lots of time with you.
Maybe it's because you never really showed strong opposition to Suguru going on more and more missions. You knew it had to happen, considering he was one of the four special grade sorcerers and that he was needed by the Jujutsu world considering his strength. But recently, your boyfriend started taking up more missions volunteeringly. And considering that he had never done that before, it felt weird to you… almost like he was trying to distance himself on purpose, which you were pretty sure wasn't the case. Nonetheless, you decided to talk to your boyfriend about it. You wanted to make sure that he wasn't pushing himself too hard unnecessarily, and that he wasn't being pressured into taking on these missions.
When you finally got down to confronting your boyfriend about the issue, he merely shrugged it off and said that it had to be done. He didn't really seem to acknowledge the concern you were showing him, which frustrated you and led you to snap at him, telling him about how he just doesn't seem to care about you or anything you do for him anymore. He then snapped back, saying that if you cared so much, you'd just leave him alone.
He instantly regretted his words, and even more so when he saw the tears welling up in your eyes. He muttered a quick "sorry" before he walked towards the door and prepared to leave your shared apartment to give you some space, like he always does after arguing with you. But instead of letting him leave as you would usually do, you pulled the hem of his shirt and whispered, "Stay. Please."
And stay he did. Your boyfriend sat down on the couch before pulling you onto his lap, comforting you by stroking your hair and whispering sweet nothings to you, all while you stuffed your face into his chest, letting his smell calm you down. After you calmed down enough to look at him, he kissed you all over your face and offered to make you your favourite dish for dinner that night, which of course you couldn't say no to. And you both knew that after you talked things out during dinner, everything would be alright again.
Toji Fushiguro
There was hardly any reason to get into arguments with Toji. He protected you, took good care of you and most importantly, showered you with love and made you feel so happy just by being with him. However, that doesn't mean that your relationship is always smooth sailing.
Arguments with him always escalate, but that's mainly because they hardly occur and your boyfriend doesn't really know how to deal with it. All his life, he's needed to fend for himself, so it's only natural for him to do the same during arguments with you.
You recently introduced Toji to a job. You used to work as a cashier in a bookstore and after contacting your previous colleague, who was now the manager, about job openings, they told you that there was an opening that just so happened to fit Toji perfectly. The job scope was mostly helping with organising the books in the bookstore, which your boyfriend definitely could do considering his strength and height.
Everything was going really well and he even got commended on his performance at work. Of course, you were really happy for him because he finally had a job and could earn money to support the both of you and the family he wanted to build with you. But that happiness was short lived after you realised that he started betting with his earnings like he did in the past. You couldn't help but feel a little bit betrayed because you thought he would know better than to go back to doing things like that, especially after learning how hard it was to earn money again. But old habits die hard, and you knew you had to stop it before it was too late.
You got Toji to sit with you and talk about how his job was going, before you slowly approached the topic of him betting his earnings. When you did reach that point, you asked him why continued to do it, as gently as you could so as to not make him feel attacked. But when he said that he was merely enjoying life and only betting a small amount each time, something in you snapped. It wasn't that you didn't want Toji to do what he liked to do, but you just couldn't accept that he forgot all about the future and saving money to start a family together. And so you lash out. You tell him that you suddenly feel alone in working towards having a better life and a family together, all while he tries to tell you that he was trying his luck to maybe win big and let you rest instead of working.
Somehow, that managed to make you soften up and as much as you wanted to stand your ground, you couldn't help but walk up to your boyfriend and press a kiss on his cheek. The mere fact that he was doing it so that there was a chance that if he won, he would let you rest and not have to work yourself so hard made you feel touched by his way of thinking.
Toji mumbled an apology, telling you that he didn't know you wouldn't approve of what he was doing and you could feel a wave of guilt wash upon you. You had never set any guidelines on how he should spend his money and you felt bad for making him apologise for doing something he liked with the money he earned himself. You muttered an apology as well, before pressing your lips against his to convey all the feelings you can't put into words.
Naoya Zenin
Arguments with him are the worst. The very very worst. They don't happen very often, but they always escalate quickly because he just lashes out and says everything he wants to say without letting you say anything, frustrating you in the process.
Almost every argument you have with him will escalate, and he just doesn't get that he should listen to you. He doesn't think that your insecurities might be bugging you, which is why the argument even starts. He doesn't stop to process that you're probably feeling really extreme emotions, that you're just desperate for some kind of affirmation and comfort from him. He doesn't realise that he should be gentle with you, instead of arguing with you.
Naoya doesn't spend much time away from you, he knows full well that if he does, your fears and insecurities would probably get the better of you. However, when he starts to do it subconsciously, you can't help but want some form of reassurance that he isn't doing it on purpose. It's your fear that he's still in contact with the Zen'in clan, the very people who abused you for months on end, the people he saved you from.
When you go to him, asking him about why he hasn't been spending as much time with you, he gets frustrated. He doesn't realise that he never told you about all the extra missions he's been taking on to save up more money to surprise you with a vacation for your birthday. He doesn't realise that you're scared, scared that he's going to turn against you and exploit you because you think he's spending time with the clan members, planning to bring you back to them.
And he just lashes out. He doesn't even give you time to explain yourself, he just starts telling you to learn to take care of yourself, to stop relying on him, to stop being "clingy and whiny". He doesn't stop shouting at you, saying that you don't understand why he's even doing all this. And it's true that you don't, because he never told you. He just gets so frustrated that he just continues yelling at you, until you can't hold it back anymore. You just break down in tears and run to your shared bedroom, slamming the door behind you.
Only then does he realise that he's taken it too far. The image of your tear-stricken face gets stuck in his mind, and he starts to feel really remorseful. He remembers you telling him that if he leaves you for too long, you get scared that he's leaving you. And yet that never crossed his mind when he was lashing out.
He goes to the bedroom, and knocks on the door asking if he can enter. And you never answer, too caught up in all your negative thoughts to process that he's trying to reach out to you. He always enters as quietly as possible, so it always catches you off guard. And when he sees how you look at him, your eyes shining with fear and sadness, looking at him like he's one of the clan members who abused you, he tears up too, because he never meant to hurt you that much. He grabs the blanket from the bed and wraps it around you snuggly, pulling you to his chest and letting you sob with him while he mutters apologies over and over again.
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I think I went… a little crazy considering the length of this. I was honestly very tempted to make this into a hcs + short fic post and if this gets enough comments or asks requesting for a short fic part, I probably will do it =) Hope you enjoyed reading!
© @j2lx, 2022
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au-starss · 1 year
Text
REST WELL !
༄ synopsis… how they sleep w/ you, their partner
༄ characters… genshin men + tot men x reader
༄ tags… scenarios, fluff, cuddling, domestic life
༄ words… n/a
༄ author’s thoughts… still on hiatus but i wanted to give something out so here we go :)
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He simply can’t fall asleep until he knows you have fallen sleep. Of course, he won't admit this to you. But, he always makes sure he's in a position where he can either see your face or hear you breathing. With his arms around you, making sure you feel safe with him, he'll pretend to fall asleep along with you. Only then when he knows your breathing steadies and your eyes relax is when he can finally allow himself to fully relax his body. His natural nature is to protect you, and protecting you when your sleeping is nothing different. It's the way he is, and he genuinely can't help put planting a soft kiss to your forehead, hoping it brings security to you.
ayato, childe, diluc, itto, kazuha, thoma, tighnari, xiao, artem, marius, vyn
He tends to like to stay up and immerse himself in either a book or work. But, at your request, he'll do it in bed next to you. You'll be cozied up next to him, lying right as his side. He'll either have his hand stroking your hair or holding your hand. Whatever work he can manage with one hand he will accomplish. And of course, it's quite easy to read a book with one hand. And by the time he's finished, he'll notice your figure sleeping soundly with that content expression you normally have. A soft smile crosses his lips and he turns off the light beside him, lying down next to you to get a peaceful night of rest with you by his side.
alhaitham, albedo, ayato, diluc, kaeya, pantalone, zhongli, artem, vyn
He always ensures that you're comfortable and prepared to relax in bed before he can even think of getting himself ready for bed. Whether you need medication before bed, a warm cup of hot tea, or some sort of nightly ritual, he will make sure it's all done. Of course, you have to remind him that he is just as important. So, this entire time, you are also making sure that he's doing what he needs to do before bed. Luckily, the two of you can develop a routine together in no time. You work together, then flop into bed, exhausted. But it's all worth it to be able to spend what seems to be insufficient time together, but it's so much more to the two of you.
childe, cyno, gorou, kaeya, thoma, luke, marius
His tactic of helping you go to sleep is whispering into your ear and allowing his voice to fill the night air. Just simple, "I love you so much" and "You are absolutely perfect, my love" are his absolute favourites. He loves rambling on about how amazing you are to him, and even about his day, if you ask about it. He also adores listening to your voice, if you don't feel too tired to talk. But if you are, that's okay. He will happily continue to talk and allow his voice to lull you to sleep. Even once he's sure you've fallen asleep, he'll continue with some small loving words. "Goodnight my beloved. May your dreams be nothing but sweet."
ayato, childe, gorou, itto, kaeya, kazuha, pantalone, thoma, tighnari, luke, marius, vyn
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yridenergyridenergy · 21 days
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Is there a way to know if members are healthy and feeling well? Shinya's last video, he looked really really thin, the voice note on his last blog update felt sick and tired. The tour was very compact, the bus looked uncomfortable (for musicians over 45 years old, I mean, c'mon). They must be resting now, but I feel that their company is exhausting them for the sake of saving/gaining more money. I don't know if it's just me, and I'm worrying for no reason. Does the company even do routine check-ups on their health? Is it reasonable for us as fans to ask this to their management?
Shinya always has a particular voice, but I haven't heard that voice note that you mention. It's no news that Shinya is incredibly skinny, as even h.Naoto's assistant commented that he was the only one that she could wrap the dark tunic on at the smallest holes/size and she seemed surprised.
Traveling and being on a plane in general tends to make people sick, so if he did hit a bad patch, hopefully he is getting better now that he is back in Japan.
For Shinya, I have my own opinion, but at the end of the day, I'll trust that he is a midlife adult who must have at least learned how to manage maintaining that size in a sustainable way.
Nobody on the band has been outspoken about the downsides of touring overseas this year except Kyo, and I'm always baffled by how much Kyo is allowed to complain so publicly about his own management hah. Good for him, and I mean, he's an artist and their primary one when you think about it, so you can't really restrain him much.
It's difficult for me to form an opinion on the management's frugal tendencies when I don't actually see numbers. All I know is that Kyo is able to afford Gucci, expensive toys, etc. and when that impersonator was arrested, from what I understood, he assured us that he wouldn't have ever needed to ask for loans like that. Whatever sacrifices the band is making to apparently make touring abroad profitable at least translates into them being well paid, even if that's just from performing in Japan.
Money also may play only a small role into the decision to have them sleep on a bus and only carry one luggage each. Extra luggage would have to be checked in and could get lost. Checking into hotels, where fans are also staying, presents its own series of issues.
Either way, Kyo had mentioned going to see a doctor in a monthly birthday video on kyo-online (I won't give more details but it was a super minor issue, don't worry) and I think even in another type of content where it sounded more like a regular checkup.
Ultimately, they are adults, they're the main moneymakers fo sun-krad and I'm sure that they would be able to push back against at least future decisions if their health could be jeopardized in the long term. Kyo had mentioned in 2012-2013 that he had warned his management time and time again that the grueling schedule of their tours and shows would grind down his throat, so it was no surprise to him when it became so bad that he needed surgery and the band had to go on a hiatus. I'm sure that everyone learned from that, and Kyo's singing has been spot-on every time I have seen him since 2015 or so.
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earlymornings · 2 years
Text
regarding sumeru...
hi friends! this is my quick take on what's happening with hoyoverse, the general design of sumeru, and the stream of racism allegations that have resurged recently. i think it's worth trying to analyze why hoyoverse designed sumeru the way it looks like so far (and because i want to add my two cents to the discourse lol).
here are some context:
hoyoverse is a chinese game dev company
sumeru is inspired by the people, religions, architecture, and cultures of south asian countries (india, nepal, pakistan, etc.) and countries in SWANA* (egypt, iran, the UAE, turkey, etc.)
we are only getting a portion of sumeru and 3 new characters in the 3.0 update
here are some of the main problems players have with the current status of sumeru:
the combination of the different countries and their cultures and religions
the lack of diversity
the general lack of effort put into sumeru's design, given the release of the fatui harbingers and the outstanding quality demonstrated in the interlude teaser
in order to address these concerns, i think it's important to think about hoyoverse and the stances its employees have on this issue. this does not mean i am playing devil's advocate or excusing the company's ignorance, but i think it's critical to understand the potential root causes.
because hoyoverse is based in china, their standard of diversity is much, much lower compared to that of other countries, such as the US and canada, which experience decades worth of immigration and are known as melting pots. coupled with east asia's internalized colorism and xenophobia, mainland folks simply do not get much exposure to POC. this means two things. first, they might not understand why global players are so adamant about POC representation and diversity – the developers may not even know how to go about bringing diversity because what they think is diverse is different from our understanding. second, hoyoverse will prioritize its east asian, particularly its chinese, fanbases, and let's be real, any character that's not flour-pale will not be as popular with the latter.**
the lack of popularity then becomes a financial issue for hoyoverse. hoyoverse generates a large portion of its money from the wishing system. it's thriving because so many people whale for 5-star characters and C6-ing them. if hoyoverse's largest community stops pulling for characters, they won't be able to keep up and maintain high quality with future productions (both for genshin and other games).
i promise y'all that there are at least a few designers and staff members in hoyoverse who want diversity in the same way that we do, who want unique characters with intricate lore, and who are willing to put in the effort. but at the end of the day, they are just designers and many of them will be forced to revise darker-skinned character drafts.
besides literal money, another currency that hoyoverse is limited to is time. one thing that i think hoyoverse hasn't disappointed fans in is the consistency of the game. there is always new content, and even during its hiatus in response to the shanghai mass quarantine in may, they provided mini events and extended the banners to make it more accessible for F2P players. while having constant releases is wonderful and retains interest, that means quality will be compromised in other aspects.
in this case, it means the design and intention put into sumeru. to elaborate, by design, i don't just mean character designs (though this is debatable because the community has a pretty bad habit of hating new characters, especially 5-stars, but then growing to love them) but also the geography, architecture, and personality of sumeru.
as sumeru is marketed right now, its concept is that it is a collage of all the aforementioned countries and their respective cultures. unless sumeru is separated into geographical sections to represent the distinct cultural influences, to mish-mash these countries' religions, peoples, and traditions together is disrespectful and reinforces harmful monolithic stereotypes.***
sumeru will be a literal game-changing region because it has so much information to bring: in-depth lore, the dendro element and everything that entails, etc. this is a pivoting point, so that's why it's frankly saddening and anticlimactic for hoyoverse to not put in the effort. i understand that in update 3.0, we will only be getting a taste of sumeru, so while it's hard to judge the production of the region with the limited information we have right now, it's important to push for diversity and representation while we still can and also give hoyoverse time to make the necessary changes correctly.
to summarize: i don't think hoyoverse is being intentionally or actively racist. i think it comes from a place of ignorance, so i personally think it's better to approach this problem with constructive criticism than to send hate messages to hoyoverse staff members who work so hard regardless. if we don't tell them why and what they're doing is wrong, then the game developers won't know how to resolve the concerns. furthermore, sumeru hasn't officially come out yet, and what we have seen in the teasers will be more refined and polished in the released product. i don't think we need to panic or retaliate, i just think we should remind hoyoverse so that they don't put representation on the back burner.
as for solutions, sending messages through different media platforms, emails, etc. has worked in the past (e.g. during genshin's 1st anniversary).**** but it doesn't stop there. just like every other region released so far, sumeru isn't just limited to the 3.0 patch; we will continue getting content for it for the rest of the game, so unless we see results, we have to be consistent with the feedback. that looks like continuing to send messages until we see tangible, permanent change, not being complacent in the lack of POC representation, and more.
i probably missed a lot of great points out there, but this is all my last brain cell can come up with. please repost and add your own thoughts because the more ideas, the better! (if you want to repost this onto other platforms, just make sure you credit me!!)
hope everyone gets their kazuhas, heizous, and yoimiyas in 2.8!!!
--
*i recognize that the name "the middle east" has colonial roots, but because the region is so popularly known as such, i'm using it so that no one gets confused. edit: thanks to @najmaviper for pointing this out, but a decolonized term that is often used is SWANA. you can find more information at the initiative's website: https://swanaalliance.com/about#:~:text=S.W.A.N.A.%20is%20a%20decolonial%20word,contain%20and%20dehumanize%20our%20people.
**this is not to say that all individuals from south asian or SWANA are darker-skinned, but it's crucial to push for change to help gamers who are tan, brown, and black. this is especially important to do with games as popular as genshin impact because it can cause ripple effects.
***here's a tweet that states this argument eloquently: https://twitter.com/timelysumeru/status/1546500639970435072
****i know another method that has worked has been leaving a bunch of bad reviews in app stores, but i don't think it's applicable right now since we know so little about sumeru. if the problem persists, sure, but i think sending bad reviews right now just antagonizes the situation even further.
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pardis-dhyai · 10 months
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hi mistsplitter! i know you're on hiatus still but i wanted to leave this prompt in ur inbox before i forgot. i hope ur relatively okay at least, and no pressure to answer this at all!
chubby!reader being afraid to use a wind glider bc they think it won't support their weight, with venti encouraging and guiding them (and maybe secretly manipulating the wind under their glider for extra stability when they do start gliding)!! idk man just cute gliding dates w venti omg
hello anon! thank you for the well wishes. means a lot. this is such a cute prompt--happy to write it for you. there's actually a little lore snippet that lends itself super well to this, so it scratched my brain in just the right way.
may the wind lead!
characters featured: venti
pronouns used: none--second person perspective.
warnings: none, really
notes: written with a chubby reader in mind. will not really work if you aren't chubby. also, if you like my work, feel free to leave me a tip if you want and are able!
venti laughs when you tell him you're afraid of not being able to use a wind glider. he realizes quickly he's fucked up when your face falls, and jumps to assure you that the reason he laughed was because the notion of you not being able to fly was just so ridiculous he couldn't help it. he isn't...the BEST flying coach, but he certainly loves you a lot and is a spectacular cheerleader. his instruction of "just feel where the wind is trying to take you!" is utterly unhelpful, though, especially when your issue in the first place is uncertainty about your weight being a factor in takeoff and staying in flight.
when it's clear you're still nervous about being too heavy, he grabs a glider of his own and says that if you're scared he'll just go with you and show you there's nothing to be afraid of. he can't have his love nervous about the element he wields, can he? (and has complete dominion over, but he tends to be pretty tight lipped about that part.) you can't deny you feel a bit better with his reassurance.
you keep staring over the edge of the small hill he picked for your first glide with trepidation instead of taking the leap, though. so, like anyone would, he gently nudges you off the side before you realize what's happening and jump off after you. in your surprise, you open your glider on instinct, the device working exactly as intended and keeping you parallel to your joyfully laughing lover. "see? i told you!" he says. "people say that barbatos himself blesses wind gliders to keep their user afloat. do you really think he would let you fall?"
no, you think with a smile. you don't think that at all.
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bluegalaxygirl · 5 months
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Hello. Could you do a zosan hc where the reader has fear of abandonment and therefore avoids all and any forms of intimacy? Thanks in advance
This may not be exactly what you wanted but i hope you like it and i deiced to make it a story instead of a headcannon. I also just want to let everyone know that all the series that i'm doing will be on hiatus until i can get round to doing them, theres a lot going on this week alone (Two funerals and a hospital appointment) so i haven't been able to do too much. I'll still do requests though. Thank you all for the love and support <3
Zoro X Sanji X Reader, non-established relationship, reader is GN, Poly relationship
Warning: Abusive past, angst and Bad language.
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Everyone leaves eventually, its only a matter of time. It doesn't matter if they promise forever or say how much they love you, it won't last, they'll either get board or tired of you. That's how its always been, it started with your mother, after she had you she decided to do something else, so she left, One by one your siblings left too never looking back, they said they where sorry but that doesn't make up for them leaving you alone. Some went on to collage and others just left because of Dad's anger problems, you understood why he was upset, you were upset too. Even though your farther was an angry man and sometimes took that anger out on you, you clung to him since he was the only person left in your life but everyone leaves and soon he did too. You worked hard and made friend's but the small town you lived in didn't create enough opportunists, so they left too, they said they would write but soon the letters faded away. You didn't mean to Join the straw hats, it just happened, Luffy saw the way you kicked out a bunch of men from the shop you were working at and asked you to join his crew. You said no, the fear of being abandoned again stopped you form doing a lot of things, you stopped making friend's and focused on your job. The pirate captain was head strong though and most of his crew seemed happy to have you, something about them and their stories made you agree.
It took a lot of getting used too and it took you a while to open up and trust again, it even led to you falling in love with two of the crew, Zoro and Sanji were your close friends and even though they argued and fought each other you knew they liked each other's company. There where a few times when you wanted to confess only for something to get in the way or the fear of abandonment hitting you hard. When the two boys got together you were so happy for them but a part of you broke, knowing the two people who you loved more than anything would never be yours was hurting but you still couldn't help but be around them. You couldn't help but think back to your farther and how this feels so much like the old days. When Zoro and Sanji told you how they both felt about you it brought you so much joy and yet the only word that left your mouth was "No", the fear of abandonment taking over again, you loved them with all of your heart but you were so scared of them leaving you, having friend's leave you was hard but having those you love more than anything would tear you apart. They respected what you said and you three stayed friend's but as the fear got worse you started to withdraw slowly, hoping to distance yourself from the crew.
You couldn't help yourself, sitting in the closet on the floor all you could do was cry, your heart and lungs hurt feeling like you couldn't breathe. Only one thought ran through your head, maybe you should leave before they abandon you. The door to the closet opens while you try to stifle your panting and little groans of pain as Nami steps in looking you over with wide concerned eyes "Oh Y/N, I heard you crying from down the hall.. What's wrong?" The navigator rushes over to kneel in front of your placing her hands on your red tear stained cheeks, you try your best to explain between gasps for breath and sniffs. How the people around you leave, how you love Zoro and Sanji so much that it hurts, you want to be with them but you can't help but think about them leaving you. "I'm just gonna go" You finally finished now looking up at Nami who's crying slightly with a shocked face "w-what? N-no you can't leave us" The navigator speaks pulling you into a hug which you stiffen at "I know its hard, things haven't been easy lately, but we'll never leave you, not willingly" Pulling away the navigator panics seeing your expressionless face "Everyone leaves in the end. Some by chose and some are forced" The words you speak break her heart so in a last ditch effort she makes you an offer "Give me a week, I'll prove to you that we won't leave you and if your still not convinced then... I'll give you 10,000 for a boat and stop Luffy from going after you" The offer was too good to pass up, you knew if you left Luffy would be mad, you didn't care too much about the money though.
After agreeing Nami set to work, she tried everything she could think of but after 5 days your mind still wasn't changed, so she went to Sanji and Zoro and told them everything. The two were thrilled that you felt the same but heart broken over your reasons for not confessing and wanting to leave, Nami kept all of this hidden very well so Luffy didn't catch wind of it, but she couldn't do it alone anymore. The two agreed to help and the perfect opportunity came that afternoon when they stopped off on and island full of trees and waterfalls, there wasn't a village, and they knew you would get off the ship to do some foraging. Stepping off the ship with your basket in hand you scanned the beach before looking into the tree line spotting a natural path that would be good to follow "Y/N, wait up" Sanji yells with a smile running off the ship and dragging Zoro along "We'll come with you" The cook stops next to you holding into Zoro's belt "It's ok, i'm fine on my own" You sigh starting to walk only for the two to follow "it's been ages since we've all spent time together.. Come on" Zoro pats your back hearing you groan but give in walking down the path into the forest with the two behind you. They tried to make conversation with you but you'd only give them one word answers or a hum in response while picking berries and herbs that you knew were ok. "What's been eating at you lately?" The swordsman snaps earning a glare from Sanji not wanting to say anything outright in case you shut down completely, they only had two more days to convince you to stay.
Stopping in your tracks you look over at the river next to you bending down to pick some herbs and put them in the basket "tired" You lie standing back up and grabbing your basket "Bull" Zoro growls, his tone of voice made you stop and turn to look at the two "Nami told you i'm leaving, didn't she?" You ask realizing what's going on, it didn't exactly surprise you that she would get the two involved to stop you from leaving but it somehow warmed your heart knowing she cared. Sanji sighs and nods his head letting go of Zoro to walk closer to you "She told us more than that" The cook place a hand on your cheek, it was warm and soft and you so desperately wanted to lean into it but you couldn't instead you took his hand off your cheek and placed it back at his side "What i said was part of mental breakdown." You try to lie your way out of this not wanting them to say they love you or beg you to stay but a part of you did want that "So your not gonna leave?" Zoro asks stepping closer crossing his arms over his chest. "That parts still true" you state turning and walking down the path heading to the waterfall to see what's there. "We know your lying" Zoro yells after you as Sanji grabs the swordsman's hand following you down the path but you don't answer just trying to ignore them for as long as you can. Stopping by the edge of the river near the waterfall you bend down to pick up more berries and place them in your basket.
Soon catching up with you the two try their best to convince you to say "I heard it all before" You state trying to focus on what to pick form bushes and flowers before standing back up "We love you Y/n, and we know you love us back, please just give us a chance even if-" Sanji begs only for you to cut him off by turning to face him, your face now very close to the cooks, your eyes lock with his as you speak "That has nothing to do with this" Your heart aches at hearing those words, its something you didn't hear too often growing up and hearing it come form someone you truly love makes you feel right but again that fear is back and you have to make it stop. "So you do love us" Zoro states with a smile placing his hand on your cheek finally getting a break through, your eyes widen in realization as Sanji smiles taking your hand in his "Please, don't leave us. I-I will do what ever it takes to convince you to stay. I-i promise i won't leave you" You had hope as Sanji spoke until he said those last words making you push the two away and stepping back "Promises don't mean anything... everyone leaves, I won't be abandoned again" You keep stepping back until you feel comfortable with the distance between you and them, Zoro sighs pinching the bride of his nose "So, what? You gonna spend the rest of your life alone? You think thats better than actually being with people who care?" The swordsman steps closer making you step back a little only stopping when you reach the edge of the river.
Sanji walks closer grabbing Zoro's arm trying to calm the green haired down "I know you care... i not say you don't but it doesn't matter" You're trying to get them to understand maybe then things will be easier, looking at the two you sigh with a heavy feeling in your chest "It doesn't matter if you love someone with all of your heart, it doesn't matter if you do everything you can to please them or make them like you. They'll just leave when they feel like it, they'll leave and never look back, even if they promised you a thousand times" You tear up but try and stop them from falling, your kind and giving, you have so much love to give so why does everyone leave? Your thoughts are interrupted by strong arms around you, the two boys pulling you into a hug your head in between there's as they hold you. "We won't promise then" Zoro rubs your back to try and comfort you "We're never going to leave you and i know the crew will feel the same" Sanji looks over at Zoro with his head on your shoulder both giving each other a nod, pulling away Zoro cups your face forcing you to look up at him as Sanji holds your hands in his holding them close to his chest "We're telling you... We won't ever leave you." The swordsman's eye shows he telling the truth and it feels like a weight has been listed off your shoulders, for once you actually believe someone when they tell you that.
Sanji brings your hands to his lips giving your knuckles a kiss "Please love... we want you around even if we just stay friends" The cook breaks the long silence, you had no idea what to say or do but the word friend's made your chest hurt, you really do love them but you know it will take time for your mind and body to fully except it "I- i, I'll stay" You manage to get out soon seeing the big bright smile on Sanji's face before he pulls you in for a tight hug, you can feel him relax in your arms as your wrap them around him. Zoro lets out a sigh of relief before placing his forehead against yours while wrapping his arms around you and Sanji to keep you three close. The three of you stayed there for a while enjoying the feeling and silence other than flowing water around you, until the swordsman places a kiss on your forehead, you don't know why but you craved more. Physical affection isn't always something you let happen, over the years you've become used to hugs but kisses were very different. Looking up at the green haired man your eyes begged for more, it felt nice and you wanted more even though before you couldn't stand stuff like that, Zoro seemed to get the message though placing another kiss on your forehead but letting it last a lot longer. You closed your eyes and leaned into it your chest starting to hurt less as your body relaxes. Sanji pulls back a little while rubbing your back seeing your relaxed figure lean into the swordsman, it made the cook smile leaning over and placing a kiss on your cheek.
You stiffened a little at his touch but soon relaxed when the cook did it again and again. Zoro removes his lips and hands from you watching you lean into Sanji a little more "Feel better?" Zoro asks getting you to open your eyes and look at him, the cook pulls away moving some hair out of your face with a small smile as you nod "I'm still scared you'll leave me but... i believe you" You wipe your cheeks and eyes taking a deep breath to calm yourself down "Come on lets head back, I'll make some tea" Sanji takes the basket off you and puts an arm around your shoulders as the three of you walk back down the path. You reach out and grab Zoro's sleeve pulling him along, the swordsman lets out a small laugh before taking your hand and holding it "We don't know much about what's going through your head so i was thinking you could tell us" Zoro squeezes your hand a little as you look up at him "It'll help us understand" Sanji speaks up rubbing your shoulder but you only shrug not sure what telling them will accomplish but maybe getting it off your chest will help.
Back on the ship you sat with Zoro, Sanji and Nami in the aquarium bar, the relief on Nami's face when you told her you would stay shocked you. The navigator hugged you tighter than ever before and you froze not knowing what to do, it also didn't help when she refused to let go of you when you sat down, she clung to your arm sitting next to you. With some encouragement you told the three what your life was like and what's going through your head, most of it was just you rambling but the three listened to you and Nami started to loosen her grip to help you feel less uncomfortable. "I understand why you feel that way now" Nami looks down at her drink, she knows what its like to be alone but it was her chose to do that, she had to, to protect her family and love ones but you. You were just straight up abandoned "Your right, promises don't mean shit, especially when you have shit family" Zoro growls hating how the people around you at such a young age had no care for you, Sanji sighs and rubs the swordsman's arm while leaning close to him "I'm sorry you had to go through that, but we won't leave you none of us will." You smile at the cooks words feeling more confident that they mean it. "I'm guessing the whole confessing thing is what made things worse, right?" Zoro asks calming down a little now feeling more concerned than angry, you nod and look down at your hands "It's not your fault, i'm just not used to all this. I can deal with the hugs and stuff but... getting too close means that when they do leave it hurts more" You sigh feeling Nami rub your arm before standing.
The navigator looks you over before placing a hand on your shoulder "I'm happy to help in any way i can but i think this is a conversation for the three of you" Nami looks over at the two boys then back to you giving you a small smile before leaving. You knew she was right, maybe you should have been open about it form the start but you had no idea how they would react. Sanji and Zoro move to sit next to you the swordsman placing his arm over the back of the booth behind you while Sanji leaned into the green haired man "You don't have to do anything you don't want too but if you'll let us, I'd like to show you what love actually is" The blonde gives you a light smile, his eyes kind as he reaches a hand over and holds it out to you hoping you'll take it. Looking down at his hand you don't know what to do, the fear is still there but the kindness and love they are showing you is starting to force that fear away "You won't be mad if i don't want something?" You ask looking at the two who nod "Of course not, we'll take it slow and in the end if you don't want us three to be together then, we'll still be friends" Zoro's small smile makes you smile back reaching over and placing your hand in Sanji's.
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chirpsythismorning · 2 years
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It would appear I am indeed one of the very few optimistic (delusional?) Bylers left.
Not saying that if you feel hopeless and need to move on, that you can't. A lot of you have been through this before with other shows. Again and again. You’re tired and fed-up and you have every right to be.
Technically, Season 5 won't be out for another 2+ years anyways, which means the best thing for everyone regardless is to get whatever we need off our chests now and then to just go on a hiatus for the foreseeable future. 
When it comes to how I feel about Vol. 2, there were definitely at least a few good moments. If this season has anything going for it, it’s the emotional value. This is without a doubt the most I’ve cried ever while watching the show. One scene in particular that had me on the floor was the scene with Will and El reuniting and hugging. And of course the scene with Will and Mike in the van (DAMN YOU NOAH SCHNAPP FOR MAKING ME SOB SO HARD ALL DAY THAT I GOT A MIGRAINE!)
But yes, I am a Byler. So you could say I was a bit disappointed in that department.
And yet still, I think my take on the later part of season 4 is much different from the majority.
Because personally, I don’t think that what played out in Vol. 2 means that Byler is dead. If anything, I believe it to be more endgame than I did before (well, at least in comparison to pre-s4. There’s no denying pre-Vol. 2 confidence levels remain unmatched. Truly the best era for the Byler fandom to date).
I think my main issue is, like so many of us on here, I thought it was guaranteed we would get to see Mike become aware of Will’s feelings. 
Alas, we did not.
And to be totally clear, without this revelation, Byler can’t go anywhere. 
Neither forwards, nor technically backwards.
This means the baiting game is not over. Which as bad as it sounds, is why I’m still so optimistic…
Now, if they had made Will’s feelings obvious to Mike, or even the fact that Will is gay as being obvious to Mike, but STILL had Mike behave the way he did in Vol. 2, now THAT would have sucked. It would have been canon rejection on Mike’s end.
But we didn’t even get rejection from Mike. 
Instead, we got Will coming off as a hardcore M*leven shipper in Mike's eyes, all while the audience was getting the exact opposite interpretation of this situation; that Will is helplessly in love with Mike. 
Will is able to voice the extent of his love, albeit through advice to Mike about his own situation with El, in a way that no one else on the show has been able to. Most of the other characters need a bunch of bystanders to make them realize their feelings and push them in that direction. But Will, he doesn’t need someone holding his hand along the way, telling him what the right thing to do or say is. His love isn’t something he needs to really think about in order to understand it. It just is.
(Which is SO fucking ironic when you think about how Mike always needs help with figuring out his feelings for El and even sounds like he’s reading off a script when he’s trying to explain himself to her. Whereas with Will, s2 monologue teas, it’s the most natural thing Mike’s ever done. Unscripted, straight from the heart… And both Vol. 1-2 continued to drive home this concept, so maybe jot that down..)
It’s just that, unfortunately, in Will’s eyes, Mike will never return this love, which means his only option is to let Mike go. If supporting Mike and El’s relationship means putting himself dead last in every respect, so that his best friend and his sister can be happy, Will is going to do just that. 
But as far as Mike knows, Will holds no romantic feelings for him. I mean after all, Will is guiding Mike literally every step of the way to confessing his love to El, and that doesn't sound like the behavior of someone who’s in love with you, now does it? 
So why would Mike, throw everything on the line, including the survival of their family and friends in Hawkins by not simply just telling his gf he loves her? All while El is right there loving him and needing his love to fight (presumably), with Will beside him literally rooting for him to do just that? This is very obviously the only option in Mike’s eyes.
Which is ironic, because in a way, I think that Mike has truly never seen him and Will as an option, just like Will, but for an entirely different reason. 
Mike views his feelings for Will as childish, something he will grow out of, or at least should have by now.
“We’re not kids anymore. What did you think, really? That we were never going to get girlfriends? That we were just going to sit in my basement and play games for the rest of our lives?”
If Mike can’t love El, then how can he possibly love any women? She’s special. She’s a superhero. He HAS to love her, right? It’s the best option he could ever possibly have. Well, at least considering…
But what happens when suddenly, he comes to the realization that him and Will ARE an option? And that the only thing ever stopping them was himself and his inability to just be honest with everyone and himself?
I think the truth is, there’s a reason that they’re holding off on this revelation for Mike. 
It will be a catalyst. It will change everything.
Now, how exactly do you think Mike is going to react to this? The fact that Will was in love with him this whole time and he had no idea?
Honestly, I think he’s going to react horribly, but not for the reason everyone assumes.
Because I would argue that, if Mike was going to react badly with disgust or even just let Will down nicely to confirm it’s indeed unrequited, then the Duffer’s would have just given this revelation up by now. But they haven’t.
Once Mike finds out that Will is (probably always will be) in love with him, and that instead of telling him, Will used his love to help Mike get closer to El, even when Mike himself was having doubts over and over? That Will went as far as to lie about the painting he worked so hard on for Mike in order to rekindle their dying friendship, to instead insinuate it was commission from El, to give Mike that final push he needed to even have the courage to tell El he loved her? That all the moments like this that they shared as of late, was really just Will talking about himself? That the only reason he was able to tell El he loved her in the first place, was because he was so moved by Will’s love for him??
This is going to break Mike.
And let’s be real here, two episodes would not have done this revelation justice. 
So now, just knowing the direction they went for Vol. 2, as well as coming to terms with it, I have reached the conclusion that, despite how bleak things seem now, ‘maybe all of this is happening for a reason’ (s2 Mike Wheeler, we miss u).
Which brings me to the other most important piece of the puzzle, which is that, arguably, El needs to be the one who ends things once and for all.
The general audience has been given the impression El is head over heels in love with Mike, and so of course they were rooting for Mike to get on with it and just tell her he loved her. 
But that’s the interesting part. He finally did tell her, but her reaction in the aftermath was not something a lot of fans expected. 
It seems that she’s distancing herself from Mike, a fact that Will acknowledges to Mike later at Hopper’s cabin, with Mike genuinely confused because he thought he did the one thing he had to do. 
He told her he loved her. Which makes everything alright now, right?
But maybe it doesn’t.
Maybe the reminder we got, of that speech from Max to El, about how she didn’t need Mike or Hopper or ANY man to know her worth, was foreshadowing for what honestly needs to happen in order for El to really process and realize her own true feelings about Mike.
Because, although I do believe El genuinely thought she loved Mike, is it possible that Mike was not only having doubts about saying it because of the reasons he argued, or even because of some repressed feelings for Will, but also because El hadn’t given him what he needed to truly believe she loved him.
Mike, like a lot of people, doesn’t need to hear “I love you” to believe that someone loves him.
“I didn’t say it.”
“You didn’t have to.”
He wants something more meaningful, or more specifically, something along the lines of the speech Will gave to him in the van.
Will’s confession disguised as El’s, was what Mike needed to finally say I love you to El... 
Something I think we also got caught up in, is this idea that the Duffer’s were just going to drop M*leven and throw in Byler, with everything else going on, while they still have a whole ass season to promote for another 3+ years, and to their mostly 80’s loving homophobic audience. If Byler is going to happen, it’s going to be the definition of slow-burn and endgame. That’s literally the only way. 
This puzzle is complex, which sucks if you want all the answers now, because we’re just not going to get them. If they give up all their moves, then what is the point of telling the story at all? 
Other pieces of the puzzle include things that arguably still need to happen before Byler can, even regardless of the constraints they have as show-runners who run the biggest show on Netflix’s dying platform. 
Things like Will and El’s love for each other as brother and sister. Considering all the fans that said Will hates El because he didn’t stand up to her bullies or that he’s a home-wrecker who just wants to get with her boyfriend, is why I do think they needed to debunk these insinuations within the narrative. And boy oh boy did they deliver on that front. Will is the most selfless son of a bitch on the planet, who loves his best friend and his sister so much. They made that very clear. And you can see that despite a few homophobes here and there, the general audience's reaction to Will in Vol 2 is sympathy and to Mike it's confusion and betrayal...
Hmm, making El realize she doesn't even love Mike, after making Will's unrequited feelings for Mike more clear, after making Mike behave like an IDIOT this entire time juggling these two relationships, only for him to become aware of whats going on, and to clearly be in love with Will?
Sounds like a good way to set up Byler to an audience that might not have humored it before...
And like I said, with how important I do think it was for this to happen in order for them to go the Byler route, is why I don’t necessarily see this approach as a bad thing. We even got the Will and El hug in 4x08, which maybe it’s just because Noah and Millie are so close, but I would easily rank that on my top most well-earned moments in the whole show.
We NEEDED that. Especially in terms of what is likely to come in season 5 with Byler endgame...
Also, yes the Will angst sucked and it's just trauma porn at this point. I’m not going to deny that fully. I agree with pretty much all of the criticism in regards to how they chose to do certain things when they didn't necessarily have to, but I also simultaneously am able to understand that it again, maybe this is all happening for a reason. If they are indeed going to have Will play a big role in the final season, than them forgetting his birthday, Mike being oblivious and all this other shit he's been through combined, sets up a really arc for him next season, not even necessarily a villain one, but all of this pain has the potential to lead to a happy ending. And I'm being full serious.
Like we have Finn Wolfhard saying the ending of Stranger Things will be like the ending of Schitt’s Creek??? That it will end at it's highest point. The last episode of Schitt’s Creek is literally a happily ever after gay wedding, there's no other way to interpret that…
We also know that a lot of ideas for the last seasons were planned from the beginning, with David Harbour saying that he knew the ending way back in s2 and that it's beautiful and has been the intended plan all along. That there's easter eggs that will have us going 'WOW this is what we've been watching the whole time'? That it's wonderful?
If you’re the level of Byler truther that believes they were somewhat planned all along from the beginning, then you would also know that if they plan a happy ending for Mike and Will, then they would have no problem killing us this painfully in the beginning of the end, because they know we’ll be the ones cheering on by the actual end, and it'll be the homophobes who are pissed and stuck with this result forever as endgame. 
I’m just saying, don’t be surprised when s5 gets closer and we actually see them promoting Byler… like a lot. And we actually start getting in canon hints at scenes with El herself even trying to get them together.
Groveling Mike Wheeler era?
Will finding a potential new love interest and Mike pining/jealous?
Come ONNN! You guys are way more delusional than you’re giving yourselves credit for and I urge you to join me!!!
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ask-the-bone-boys · 4 months
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ATBB's Future
Hiiii y'all, its uh. been a minute huh
Now that it's been a bit over a year since I put this blog on hiatus, a loootta stuff has happened and changed and i've been doing a loootttta thinking!
Looking back on it, like really really looking, my biggest reason for the hiatus was that at some point the blog just kinda became more of a chore than something I wanted to work on for fun. Ask blogs are a lot of work, even when you're just using talking portraits rather than drawing out every individual answer, and with how much ask culture on tumblr has died out over the years there just wasn't really enough payoff to make it feel worthwhile to keep burning myself out.
I think it's a really good thing I stopped it when I did, because having to deal with all that in my senior year of high school would have been a nightmare. I've actually just finished up my first semester of college now, and there's no way in hell I would've been able to keep up at any rate! With all of this in mind, I've gained a newer perspective about how to approach things going forward.
I'm still really attached to this story. With how much time I've spent thinking about it and developing it in my head, I can't let it go, even if the blog isn't really working out anymore. I keep thinking of different ways I could fix the decisions I made early on, as well as the super cool directions I could take it in in the future, and I just. I GOTTA.
So, I've decided to reboot it entirely as a fic series!
This means that, unfortunately, there won't be nearly as much artwork to accompany it, but it's far more likely for the story to actually progress! Writing is way less draining for me and once I get going I can do it much quicker than art anyway, even though I do still sorta wish I had the spoons to just turn it into a full-blown webcomic instead haha
This DOES mean that updates won't be nearly as linear as they were here, seeing as right now I've mostly been working on backstory fics that took place before the blog's main story, but that can at least give you guys more context for how the characters interact with each other! I'll also state that while I do write faster than I draw, I still do it a hell of a lot less, so updates will still probably be pretty infrequent. But at least they'll happen at all, right?
As for the state of this blog itself, obviously I'm going to leave it up! I still love looking back on the old interactions you guys had with my characters and your reactions to certain plot points (your reactions to Fluff tagging along with the rest of the group were my favorite by far) and I think it would actually kill me to erase them. I'll be posting the fic updates here too, just like I did for Self Hatred!
And even if it's not going to be an ask blog anymore, because of how much I still miss that kind of interaction with you guys, I think I want to do a sort of "last hurrah" event, to finally send off the asking format with some good vibes.
You see, there's a character I made up around this time of year two years ago. He's a pretty cool guy, but he doesn't actually show up until a specific turning point later in the story. I've been excited for you guys to talk to him since the day I made him, but a little bummed lately that you may not ever get the chance. I still need to get a lot of stuff prepared, so I'm not quite ready to announce or start anything just yet, but there's a reason I waited until my winter break to start thinking about this seriously.
I think you guys would really like to meet him.
But anyway, that's about all I wanted to say for now! This is a very long post already so it's time I start wrapping it up. As always, thank you all so much for sticking with me, even though I really haven't been consistent through the years. I hope this change doesn't come as too much of a disappointment, and that you'll keep sticking around for the reboot!
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not-poignant · 1 month
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Hi Pia
Your previous post regarding burnout really resonates with me as I'm currently struggling through a mountain's worth of uni assignments.
I hopeyou're being compassionate to yourself where you can. I know you rely on your writing for income but ould cutting down to working on only 2 or 3 fics instead be a viable solution?
Because longterm I don't think that even your insanely impressive skills can hold up to that kind of pressure.
Maybe if you cut back a little you'll be able to enjoy your hobbies again and rest a little more.
I know that I'm not the only reader that wants you to take care of yourself x
Hi anon,
Firstly, good luck with all those assignments! I do not miss the grind of uni when all the assignments suddenly seem due at the same time and it's like 'oh fuck' and it just...is truly exhausting. Remember to take a break after if you can!
I am trying to be compassionate where I can. Working on expanding my capacity / juice left in the tank is actually a big priority with both therapists this year, and it's something I'm actively chipping away at.
Unfortunately cutting down fics is not really something I can do because it would personally stress me out more to put a lot of things on hiatus like that. Underline the Red is already on hiatus, and The Nascent Diplomat on my end is finished, and I'll take a few months off after that before starting the next installment.
Ideally I will be finishing out some fics that will clear my calendar a bit more over time. For example, A Stain that Won't Dissolve won't last forever, and isn't going to be replaced by anything new (Palmarosa will likely slot into that space and I'll be able to work on it more). Underline the Black will be replaced by Underline the Red, and Blue and Gold will be replaced by Underline the Silver.
Eventually, ideally, I'll be working on a smaller and smaller load until I'm at about 2-4 projects (which is how I used to work). Also quite a few of my projects only update once a month or every few months, and that helps a lot. It's just that I have too many fics where I'm on a more regular schedule (Stain, Palm, Black) and normally I only have one or two fics that are on a more regular schedule, so yeah, I am looking forward to that slowing down!
But putting something on hiatus just makes me feel more burdened and overwhelmed than knowing I'm getting closer and closer to wrapping something up. It's just how my brain works! I am a finisher, and while that's really good for not abandoning projects (which is extremely rare for me and tends to only be very short projects or PWPs which I will turn away from), it's less good when I have too many projects lmao. I've gotten better at holding back (there's three fics I'm dying to write right now, which is an Efnisien/Kadek fic that I've already started but not posted anything of, Silver, and Red).
So yeah, I will be cutting back. I've already started. The Nascent Diplomat is no longer on my schedule, which means for the next 3 months while it's still posting, I don't have to write anything for it. That's lovely because I can still share in that world with no extra labour (it's edited and everything). Likewise, Stain and Black are both in their last act/s now. That's still a lot of chapters for both, but it feels good for me to know that both will likely be finished out this year.
But we are getting there! So yeah the view is to cut down on projects, but organically (by finishing out stories and not replacing every single one with new titles, only some of them) rather than forcefully via hiatuses. I mean obviously if I get too sick I will have to go on hiatus and I've done that before, but so far it's looking like I've written enough chapters ahead (most of May is written) that I can take about 2 weeks off from writing in April, and that will help a great deal as well. :)
Anyway, take care with your assignments too! I do not miss that part of uni at all
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jeonqkooks · 10 months
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goodbye :)
not really lol this was clickbait 🤠
BUT now that i have your attention, i am going on a semi writing hiatus tho. i feel like this is long overdue. i'd like to start off with a couple weeks, maybe a month, maybe longer, idk? we'll see how it goes.
i'll still be relatively active on tumblr - answering asks and whatever bullshit i usually do - and discord (bc let's face it, i have nowhere else to be lmao) so i guess this is mostly a formal announcement for myself so that my brain can process the fact that this! bitch! needs! a! f*cking! break! 👏 it's not like i even have a regular update schedule to begin with, so for most of you things will probably feel the same. but tbh for me, writing doesn't feel as fun as it used to. it hasn't for a while, and neither has being on tumblr in general (some days it fully feels bad being on tumblr but i'm still Here bc i do not know what to do with myself lol).
don't get me wrong, i still love writing and i still want to write. but i just want to be able to actually enjoy it instead of feeling pressured to do it, yk? so i just need to find the spark again bc right now it feels like a chore and we definitely don't want that 😕
also - i feel like most writers go through this at some point - i keep (unintentionally) comparing myself to other writers and a bitch just cannot stop lmao. i've noticed that whenever i feel stuck while writing, i'd look to others and i'd think "damn, why can't i do this or that?" and that'd just make me feel worse lol miss girl gotta work on that. i mostly keep stuff to myself and lately it's been a little More than usual and i don't want to keep going when i obviously need a break only to end up overflowing one day and impulsively deleting my account (i probably won't lol this is my permanent address)
i'll use the time off to get back into reading too - god knows i haven't been reading fics as much as i used to. apologies to all the writers whose works i've been dying to read for so long but just haven't had the energy to sit down and dig in. reading is one of my main sources of inspiration (i made this blog bc i loved reading so much that it inspired me to write my own shit!) so hopefully that'll help the process too ✌️
unrelated to the writing bit but i also kinda want to use the extra time to start working on a professional portfolio and maybe jump back into my wack ass redbubble shop lmao
sooo yeah. i'm not gonna pull a one direction and just ride off into the sunset for good lmao. if anything, i hope i'll pull a bangtan and bounce back with even more content and vigor than before. maybe this is jeonqkooks chapter two 😎
maybe this was a bit dramatic lmao but anyways, sorry to anybody who thought i'd be leaving. unfortunately, you're stuck with me until tumblr gets swallowed up by the sun <3
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skyfallslayer · 9 months
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The Daughter of The (Dare)Devil - Story 10
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Series Masterlist
Series Summary: A Series of stories revolving around the MCU timeline of Matt Murdock and his Daughter, Kaila. Being the child of a vigilante can be hard and scary at times, but it doesn’t mean she ain’t going to enjoy the most of it.
(Can be read as Y/N if you’d like)
Story Summary: Relieved that his daughter is finally home safe, Matt makes two life changing moves. First is to stop and help Frank Castle in any way he can; The second one? Finally asked Karen out on a date. A date that might have to get cut short when someone from his past shows up unexpectedly (Set During 2x04 & 2x05, “Penny & Dime” & “Kinbaku”).
Date: 7/26/23
Rating: Mature
Word Count: 14,016 (Ya'll deserve it)
Warning: Possible OOC (?); Karedevil; The Murdocks Are Stubborn People; Angst; Heavy Language; Allusions To Mental Illness; Bullet Wounds/Recovery; Child Abuse; Blood and Gore; Violence; Heavy Injuries; Talks of Death/Murder; The Murdocks Could Use All The Hugs In The World; A Brief Near Death Experience; Matt Being Overprotective (He Needs A Warning, I think?); Past Toxic Relationship(s); Elektra Could Use A Warning Herself; Suggestive 18+ Themes; READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!
- Let me know if I missed anything, please.
A/N: First off, a small apology. Like I was replying to a DM a few days ago, I don't know what really happened. Despite the fact that my laptop took a dive, I ended up on a unexpected hiatus. Which... I think was a good thing for me. It gave me enough time to take a step back after slowly becoming burnt out from writing. But I'm back! I promise I won't go MIA without saying something next time. So, sorry again! But the story you all have been waiting for has returned!
Secondly, Don't let this story fool you, I don't necessarily hate Elektra. I just don't like the fact how toxic she was for Matt and how she tried to change him after finally getting in a good place in his life. So I'm going to change Canon a little bit (Which shouldn't be a surprise since I've been doing that already). Other than that, Enjoy, my loves!
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- Fifteen Years Ago -
His only comfort was the pittering of the rain against his window. He sat on his bed, feet touching the ground, his phone in hand; His finger hovered over the voice command. His mind racing over and over and over with the question of– 
Should I? 
He wants answers. Sure they didn’t leave on a good note, but shouldn’t she give him some kind of explanation? It’s only been two weeks, surely she hasn’t left the area already…
Right? But even a part of him knew she probably was long gone just like the cops said, yet he still held on to some kind of hope that’ll he be able just to talk to her at least once. To just ask the “simple” question of… ‘Why?’.
He rubs his face with an open hand, fingers massaging the dark circles under his blind pupils. He didn't need sight to know they were getting worse and worse everyday. 
He sighs.
Loudly.
Heavily.
He let every ounce of emotion into that one. 
He didn’t care.
I’m really drowning right now. And indeed he was, however– 
His thoughts immediately fade away when he hears the familiar cries he’s gotten used to. Out of instinct, Matt lets his phone slip away as he slides down to the end of his bed, shifting his body down to carefully take his baby in his arms from the bassinet. He remembers how he was taught to hold his child properly, a consistent drill from the nurses and Mrs. Nelson badgered him with (mostly from Mrs. Nelson). 
He shushes quietly in the attempts to calm her. “Hey, hey. Shush. You’re okay, you’re okay.” He whispers, exhaustion in his undertone. 
God, he was so tired.
He whispers some more, his daughter starting to calm down into tiny whimpers. His face quirked into something bittersweet. 
“Did you have a nightmare?” He asked, wanting to stroke those little teardrops away, but he was too afraid to free one of his hands out of concern of dropping her. “I have those too sometimes.” He chuckles humorlessly. “I guess those can be hereditary.”
He still has those kinds of dreams. Memories from his childhood. All the dark shit he’s been through, he’ll see them every once a while. His father’s dying day, His time in the orphanage, His roller coaster of past relationships. It’ll take turns haunting him. Taunting him. Egging him to give back in, crawl back into that dark hole. Jump off the edge.
It eats him alive every single time.
Matt’s lip twitched. “Sorry. That was a bad joke.” He admits, trying to look on the positive side. “Although, your Uncle probably would have come up with something more corny than that. Right?”
He could feel her tiny gaze, something he was still trying to picture what it meant. Happiness? Sadness? Confusion? 
He sighs. “I wish I could see you. It’ll make this easier.” So much easier. “It’ll make your life easier. I’m not going to be the… typical parent of the group. So, I’m… sorry.”
How the hell was he going to do this? How was he supposed to help her through life? Through her first steps? Through school? Through any hardships she faces? How was he supposed to help when he feels like he’s drowning?
How am I supposed to be a father when I don’t know what I’m doing? How am I supposed to be a father when I can’t even see your face?
He heard the front door open and close. The person entering was setting their bag aside and kicking off their shoes and heavy jacket before strolling over where he’s been sitting for who knows how long now. Matt could smell the sweat on his friend’s brow and a light drum beat from his chest that told him his friend had been in a hurry to get here.
“Matt?” Foggy said, peeking inside the bedroom. A look of relief crosses his face upon seeing his college buddy. “Sorry I’m late.”
Matt couldn’t help but smile at his consideration. “Nah, you’re good, Foggy.” He said, half heartedly (he just hopes he doesn't have a look of desperation plastered on). He felt those hazel eyes scanning him head to toe, concerned.
“Have you been up since this morning?” Foggy asked, remembering he had called around eight this morning. There was a pause of hesitation from the blind man before he ended up nodding. He frowns worriedly. “Matt–”
“Please, don’t lecture me.” Matt said, sounding like a little kid cowering with fear. 
Foggy felt his heart hurt from it. “I wasn’t.” He promises, his frown deepening. “Have you eaten?”
Another small nod. “Yeah. I ate a little.”
“Showered?”
“No.”
“How come?”
“I…” Matt felt his chest get tight as he stumbled with his words. “Don’t want to leave the room for too long.” 
Foggy couldn’t help but laugh. “Matt, you can take her in the bathroom. Just put the bassinet by the door.”
His face scrunched up. “Isn’t that weird?”
Another laugh. “Okay, how old is she again? Two months old? Even if she sees you naked she’s not going to remember.”
Matt closes his eyes to sigh. “Yeah, yeah. I guess…”
Foggy shakes his head. “You need to sometimes turn that Catholic brain of yours off, Murdock.” He replies, coming to sit down. Upon sitting he felt something underneath him and pulled out his friend’s phone. It didn’t take long to figure out what he was doing. “Did you call Mary?”
“Tried…” Matt chews on his cheek. “I uh… I just want some answers. I mean she’s… the mother so, I would think she would be… more capable at this. I mean why would she give her kid to a blind man who has no idea how–”
“Okay, going to stop you there.” Foggy butts in, hand coming to rest on the troubled man’s shoulder. “Even if you thought Mary was more capable, you’re still the father, you know? Blind or not, parenting isn't easy. Trust me. My own parents made that very clear. I’m sure your dad told you something along those lines too.”
Matt grew quiet for a second, thinking. “Yeah. I guess you have a point.” He shifts his gaze in his direction. “But it’s just… it’s frustrating. I-I can’t see so I… I-I have no idea how she’s feeling half the time. I’m scared that if I get that wrong I’m going to hurt her.”
Foggy squeezes his shoulder comfortably. “I know, man. I know.”
“And she’s… s-so tiny, Foggy.” He whispers, fearfully. “So tiny and I’m… a big guy. I-I feel like I’m… like I’m drowning because I don’t know what to do.”
Now it was his turn to get quiet. Foggy was trying to figure out how to phrase the next few words without striking too deep. “Do you regret your decision to keep her?”
“No, no, no.” Matt shakes his head. “I just… I-I love her, she’s my daughter. But there’s… times I wonder if…” He swallows. “If she would be… better not in my care.”
Those words hurt to even say, but it was true. Maybe this would have all been better if he went through with the adoption.
As the processing time ended, Matt felt Foggy’s arms wrap around his shoulders, cautious of the baby, and placed his head against him. Matt couldn’t help but lean into the touch he felt like he suddenly craved, and tried not to cry.
“Matt–” Foggy begins, his voice full of warmth and love. “You’re going to do great. Sure it’s hard, and it’s always going to be hard, but under all that exhaustion I can see how much you love this kid. You’re going to be an amazing dad.”
Matt chuckles, somewhere between disbelief and relief. “You r-really think so?” He said, swallowing again as his throat tightens.
“I know so.” Foggy pulls back. “Trust me, Buddy. I’ve seen the emotions you pack. I can already picture you picking her up on her first day of school, or helping her get a summer job, or walking her down the aisle for her big day.”
Matt raises an eyebrow. “Who says she’s getting married?”
“See?” Foggy lightly slaps him in the arm, grinning. “You’re already accepting the universal dad laws. Never letting your daughter near a boy her age. You know when my niece was born, my brother was pretty much ready to lock her in a tower far, far away. Surrounded by a dragon that was fifty feet tall, which breathed hot fire.”
Matt laughed again. “Uh, not sure if Amazon sells dragons but… the tower I can find and work with.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m pretty sure New York has some of those.”
“How will I know they do?”
Foggy snorts and gives him a small shove while playfully saying his name. He finally felt a bit of success bloom when he noticed his friend’s happy face staying the same. “You’re doing great, man. But if you ever need help, Me and The Nelsons are here to help.”
Matt’s smile widens genuinely. “Thank you, Foggy.”
“Don’t even mention it.”
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
-Present Day-
Matt’s eyes open at the shift in the bed, he sets his blind gaze in that direction, quietly listening to see if she is awake. 
She wasn’t. Good.
She needed to sleep.
It’s been about a week since the incident, and they’ve just gotten out of the hospital yesterday, and to his surprise (Well, he really shouldn’t be), his daughter wanted to stay pretty close to him for a while; Not that he was complaining. He wanted this too.
He shifted his own weight too, rolling to his side for a better view. She had gently wrapped herself in his blankets, and had carefully propped her injured leg on a pillow. His daughter finally looked like she was at peace, especially since he could tell she wasn’t suffering anymore night terrors.
Good. She doesn’t need that right now. He remembers she had one after Brett left the hospital room, her body finally giving out after the nightmarish incident. He remembers she bolted up, drenching in sweat as her heart raced a mile a minute. She was hyperventilating in a way he’s never heard before as she started muttering. ‘Where is he?’ or ‘Where am I?’. It broke his soul to her muttering, to feel her shake in his arms as he calmed her down. He never wants to go through that experience again.
I wonder if Brett’s figured anything out? The whole kidnapping situation still wasn’t adding up. Why was this… man who claims to be their first client’s brother kidnap his daughter? Because… what? Nelson and Murdock ‘failed’ him? This just didn’t sit right with him. And Matt recalls when the man said something about a Boss. Boss? What Boss? Who could this Boss be? Who wanted to hurt Matt Murdock more than the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen? It just didn’t make any–
His daughter’s phone chimes loudly, the sound of a notification hit his ears quickly. Despite not being able to see it, he tries his best to reach over to the side table to hit the button to mute the sound. However his speedy actions cause a stir in his bed.
Kaila grumbles in her sleep, eye opening half lid. “Is it morning yet?”
Matt shifts back around, frowning at himself as he shakes his head. “No, no. Not yet.” He replies, gazing at her. “Go back to sleep.”
“Are you going out?”
That was like a little needle in chest, and made his face soften. “No. I’m not going out.”
“Shouldn’t you though?” She asked, dazed and confused.
“No. Not until I know you’re okay.” He brushes some of her stray hair out of her face, tucking it away gently. “Go back to sleep, baby girl.”
She hums at his touch and words, closing her eyes again, snuggling up the mattress some more. “M’kay… love you…”
He smiles. “Love you.” He waits for her to fall back to sleep before he does, closing his own eyes and forcing himself to sleep lightly for obvious reasons.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
He opens the door to the light knocking, a soft smile on his face as he senses who it was. “Hi.”
“Hey.” Karen said, with a small wave and her little quirky bow of her head. 
“I'm just about ready.” Matt explains letting her in and walking towards his living room to finish up.
“Okay.” She closes the door behind him, watching him closely as he struggles to finish his tie. “Uh, here, let me help with that.”
“Oh, thanks.”
She hums in reply, getting real close to help him out. She mentally curses at herself when she could hear her own heart in her ears. Now that she knew his secret, she felt embarrassed by everything she did in the past.
Karen bites the inside of her cheek, keeping her eyes on the fabric in her hand. “You feeling any better?” She asked, knowing the last few nights were rough in the hospital. 
Matt nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good… Now.” He swallows and whispers as she finishes, “With you.” He felt her curious eyes on him, now he felt embarrassed by what he just said. “Uh, not that I can verify, but you seem good at this.”
She brushes off her flustered face with laughter. “Uh, well, my brother wasn't, so that's where I came in.”
“Your brother must have been lucky for you.” He soon regretted saying those words as soon as it rolled off his tongue. Matt didn’t miss the goosebumps suddenly covering her body, and how her heart rate went up three notches. He frowns, concernedly. “Karen… You okay?”
She pales. “Um–”
“I thought I heard Karen.” Kaila says, coming into the room (unknowingly saving the day). She had her backpack in hand while her free one was gripping the crutch she was given for support.
In a motherly way, the blonde comes over to take the bag. “Let me grab that. That looks heavy.” She replies, slinging it over her own shoulder despite the teen’s protests.
“I can carry it.”
“The doctor said nothing too heavy, which…” Karen gestures to the bag and makes a face. “What’s in this?”
Kaila shrugs. “I gotta keep myself entertained somehow, because I ain’t doing you guys’ paperwork when I get there.”
Karen shakes her head, turning away towards the front door. Matt comes over next while sliding his jacket on, worriedness creeping on his face.
“You feeling okay?” He asked, hearing her crack a smile.
“Yes, Dad. I’m good. A little sore, but I’m alright.” Kaila replies, honestly. “So…” Her eyes flickered to the woman by the door before back at her father. “When’s the date?”
His eyebrows shoot up. “The what?”
“The date?” She chuckles at his puzzled expression. “Come on, Dad. I see the googly eyes, and you can cut the sexual tension in here with a knife.” She jabs him in the arm as he mouth becomes agape. “So when is it?”
“There’s no date.” He says, expressionless.
“But you want there to be.”
“Uh, well–”
“She knows you’re the devil, and she didn’t run away. I’d say that’s a keeper.” She walks past him, hand patting him on the arm. “Come on, we’ve got work to do.”
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
“He’s lucky to be alive.” Karen says, as Kaila holds up an x-ray of the Punisher’s skull for them to see. “This is all of the stuff that the DA’s collecting for her case. And most of it’s about the Punisher’s victims. The Dogs of Hell, the cartel... But this was in the middle of it. Not someone he shot, him.”
“He’s insane.” Foggy says, as he, and everyone in the room, looked unwell by the picture. “Maybe he shot himself.”
“But he saved me.” Kaila points out, puzzled and baffled at the same time. When she learned that this was the man that helped save her from Baldy, the man known as ‘Punisher’, she was honestly surprised by how much of a bloody trail he’s really left behind.
“I know, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t.”
“I-I thought about that, but at that close of a range…” Karen trails off, waiting for someone to finish.
Which was Matt with, “Yeah, he’d be dead already.”
“Okay, not to go all tin-foil hat here, but Tower obviously slipped this to me for a reason. What if the Punisher isn’t the worst of it? What if Reyes is trying to cover something up?”
Now it was Foggy’s turn to look surprised. “You think that murderous psychopath isn’t the worst of it?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “And I think our best shot at protecting Nelson and Murdock is to find him.”
“It’s our best shot at career suicide or just getting shot.”
“She kind of has a point, Foggy.” Matt says, hands on his hips.
Foggy blinks in disbelief. “How?”
“I owe it to Frank, alright. He saved my daughter.”
“I know that. But what if he was just trying to get something out of you? Like an IOU? Or maybe he’s trying to pin the blame on you? Have you thought of that?”
“I have. But I don’t think those options are logical.”
“How? In what way is it not?”
Matt frowns. “He told me, ‘He expects me to do the same. Father to Father’. He’s a family man, or at least he was, I get the impression.”
Foggy sighs. “Look. Even if he is, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s a dangerous man that tried to kill our client and a couple other groups of people.” The phone starts ringing and he gets up. “Just think about what I said, okay? I don’t want you getting shot again.”
Karen looks Matt’s way, confused. “Shot again?”
“Uh, he…” He clears his throat, blind gaze going somewhere else. “Kind of shot me in the head when I first met him.”
Her eyes widened. “Huh?”
“It was the day you came for a visit and I was pissed at him.” Kaila replies, setting the x-ray down after gazing at it for so long. “He went temporarily deaf too.”
“You went deaf?!” Karen said, scolding. She watches him shrug sheepishly before sighing. “And I thought I was insane.”
“Welcome to having a Murdock in your life.”
She sighs again, rubbing her face. “Okay, I… I know this Punisher, or Frank, is a lunatic, but–”
“But you care, anyway?” Matt finishes.
“I wouldn’t say that, it’s more like curiosity. In between these files and… Reyes’ obsession and the fact that humans are a pretty complicated species to begin with, I just feel like there’s gotta be more to the story.”
He hums. “I think you are.”
She scoffs. “Oh, my God, you think I'm insane.”
Matt chuckles at her reaction. “I’m kidding. You’re compassionate. It’s a good quality, Karen. Stuff of saints.”
Karen frowns. “Yeah, well, I’m no saint…” She mumbles, looking away (Kaila does too for obvious reasons).
Matt, sensing something was off, replies with, “I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear that.”
“Matt!” Foggy calls from his office. “We have real, live, non-criminal clients who need our help.”
“Excuse me for a second.” He excused himself and entered the room. “Tell me.” 
“Mr. DiPesta defaced the elevator in his building.”
“Which, technically, makes him a criminal.”
“That’s what his slumlord, excuse me, landlord says, but look. He’s got no AC, no hot water. This has Nelson and Murdock written all over it. But we gotta file today. Kar–”
“Dad!” Kaila shouts, and the boys immediately run back to the front at a quick speed. She was standing at the door that was open. “Karen told me she’d drive me home later and then left.”
“Maybe she just stepped out for some fresh air.” Foggy suggested just as Matt suddenly had a sinking feeling.
“Did she take the files?” The blind lawyer asked, worriedly.
“I think so. She grabbed some folder quickly that I didn’t see.” Kai continues, as her father feels around her desk; His head drops immediately while sighing.
“Shit.” Foggy rubs his head.
“I have to find her.” Matt said, already shedding some of his work attire for some street clothes. 
“Find Frank first.”
“Already planning on it.” 
“But, Dad–” Kaila begins, watching him slide a sweatshirt on. “You didn’t bring your suit.”
“I don’t need it.”
She blinks. “Huh?”
“I’ve been waiting to pick up my new one. Reinforced alloy.”
“Which means…?” She trails off with her eyebrow raised.
And with a ghost of a smile he says,
.
.
.
“Which means I won’t get shot again,”
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
Thanks to Karen’s A+ detective work, she manages to track down George Buck, a nurse with an… interesting past experience. It took a little bit to convince him to walk along the Hudson, just a small bribe of getting coffee.
“You were with him when this was taken?” She asked, ready to jot down the mental notes in her head.
“Yeah.” He replies, nodding. “That bullet tore through his head. Not many people survive that.”
“Well, I’d like to know what you remember.”
“John Doe. Guy was a total vegetable. I guess that’s why they decided he only needed one nurse.”
“Any family or visitors?” She knew Frank was a father judging by what he said to Matt, but still wanted to know if they were still around.
“No. I mean aside from the suits.”
“Suits?”
“Yeah. Uh, sometimes men, sometimes women. You can tell ‘em ‘cause they all wear the same ear pieces. That and the black suits. Kind of like uh…” He trails off while gesturing to the open air, hoping she gets the idea.
“Got any idea who these suits were?” She asked, curiously.
“No.” He shakes his head. “Uh, but they had their run of the place and they were the ones that pushed for the, uh, the DNR.”
She tilts her head. “A ‘do not resuscitate’?” 
“Yeah. They had the paperwork. And I was there when the doctor pulled the plug.”
“I…I’m confused.” This wasn’t making any sense. “You’re saying this guy died?”
“Yeah, for about a minute. It’s crazy, but they say it happens sometimes. You know, one minute, flatline, then boom.” George’s eyes widened with the shock that was still there. “His heart starts back up again. On its own. He just didn’t wanna die. Within ten minutes of being awake… h-he reaches up and grabs my scrubs, yanks me down, and says, real close ‘Take me home’.” He frowns, guilty. “I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have done it. I should’ve known it’d get me fired.”
Now this got her interest peaked even more. “His home.” She tests out, hopeful. “Do you have an address?”
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
As the sun finally kissed the sky goodnight, Frank was reliving his gut wretched past. He could still hear the music from the carousel; His children’s laughter; His wife’s beautiful words.
All of it.
The lights of the morbid thing only go off when the ride stops and everyone walks away with a smile on their face. Now all he sees is the silhouette that haunts him in his dreams. And with his extra sense, Frank quickly notices the mysterious man sitting on the next bench over, grinning like the son of a bitch he was.
“Nice night.” Is what he said, causing the ex-soldier some confusion. Before Frank could say anything, the man, who’s name was Rory, flashed the gun in his belt and replied, “I’m not alone.”
Right on cue people were coming in every direction, an expressionless feature greeted him.
Rory continues to boast saying, “You wanna come with us? Or you wanna make a mess?”
Frank, wasting no time, goes for him and starts beating him up, not caring that Rory had stuck some kind of needle into his neck. Rory’s guys move in only for Frank to take them all out with a single bullet each. But as soon as he thought the fight was over, someone knew entered the ring and shot his challenger.
The Punisher stumbled on his own two feet as the sedative kicked in, but his spirit wouldn’t be broken yet until he knew who this other person was. 
The Irish gang leader, Finn, strolls over with his own set of individuals, looking more cocky than the man before. “Well, thanks for thinning out the herd. You’re surrounded, son. Now be a good lad and drop the iron.” He says, just as his men pointed their laser at his prey’s chest. “Come on. You seem like a smart one.”
With strong will, Frank tries to advance, only to be shot with various tasers and rendered unconscious.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
Matt waited until he came out from the crime scene from the Irish themed bar. He stayed in the vibrant black and red light, ignoring the gun that was trained on.
“I need to know what happened here.” Sounds more like a demand than a question.
Mahoney looks behind him, nervously. “I’m not telling you shit.” He whispers, harshly. “You helped us catch Fisk, that don’t make us friends.”
“Was this the Punisher?”
“Jesus. The Irish, okay? To find the Punisher. They put a bounty on his head. Now people all over the Kitchen are getting hurt. It’s the goddamn Wild West out there.”
“Have the Irish found him?”
“As long as we keep getting calls like this, I guess not.” Mahoney watches as the vigilante seems satisfied with his answer, and was about to leave, although the cop was concerned for his safety. “Hey, stay out of it. You hear me?”
“I just wanna help, Sergeant.”
“No, you can’t help this one.”
“We’re on the same side, you and I.”
“Listen, You’re–”
‘2-Adam, shots fired. 65th Street transverse, by the carousel. All units to back.’
Mahoney touches his radio, eyes moving away. “Fifteen Sergeant responding, Central.” He replies, just as Matt makes his move to leave. Once seeing this, he couldn’t help but shake his head.
Jesus, Murdock. Stay out of this for once.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
The window rolled down completely to see Foggy’s smugged face. “Ah, look who finally showed up. Did Cinderella really want to go to the ball that bad?” He asked as Karen sighed apologetically. 
“I’m really, really sorry, Foggy.” She says, honest.
“It’s okay, just remember, we’re your friends. We worry.” He says, as she apologizes again. “It’s okay. Seriously. But don’t run off like that again. I’m still technically your boss.”
Karen snickers. “Alright, Boss man, I’ll remember to ask.”
“Thank you, my lovely co-worker.” He smiles and gestures for the teenager to come over. “Ready, K-Pop?”
“As I’ll ever be.” Kaila replies as he opens the passenger door. “Thanks.”
“Sure you don’t want a ride?” Karen asked, as he shook his head.
“No thanks. You know I live in the opposite direction.” Foggy said, waving them goodbye. “I’ll see you in the office tomorrow.” 
The girls wave back as he takes a few steps down the sidewalk looking for a cab. As the young Murdock starts putting her seat belt on, she could see the blonde’s mind practically racing over something. It especially was clear when she was gnawing on her bottom lip and her fingers lightly drum the steering wheel.
You can really never turn that Reporter brain of yours off, huh Karen?
“You ready?” The blonde asked with a ghost of a smile.
Kaila tilts her head, feeling her out. “You’re taking me back home, right?” 
“Yeah.” Karen said, nodding.
The teenager raises a knowing eyebrow. “But I can tell you don’t want to.” She says, ignoring Karen’s shocked face. She sighs and rolls the window back down, poking her head out just enough to still see her Uncle. “Hey, Foggy!”
The man perked up at his name just as he was raising his hand for a cab. He wastes no time to jog back over, concern on his features. “What’s up?”
“Get in.” Kaila jerks her head towards the backseat. “We’re breaking and entering.”
Those hazel eyes of his batted quickly, bafflingly. “What?”
“I said, get in the car. We’re going to need a lawyer if this goes south.”
“...What–”
“Just get in the car, Foggy.” Kaila said a bit more stern, which managed to get his ass in the back seat, muttering about what was going on. She pays no heed to him for a second and looks back at Karen who still had the same exact look on her face from a moment ago. “All yours, Cap.”
“Huh?” Karen looks between the teenager and the road ahead of her, debating. “Kai, I really shouldn’t–”
“Listen. I don’t really know who he is, but he saved my life. Whatever you have in mind, we owe it to him.” She smiles bittersweetly. “It’s the least we can do. Right?”
Karen took a minute to let it sink in, before putting her game face back on and taking the car out of park. While she starts pulling away, their guest in the back still seemed clueless about what this really was.
“What exactly is going on here?” Foggy asked, watching as the two girls give each other a look before deciding on a way to spill it to him.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
Rory did his best to pretend to be dead, but once the Irish took away the Punisher, he made his move.
Somewhat.
His leg was dead weight from the bullet wound, so his only option was to crawl across the grounds around the carousel. He was using all the adrenaline he had to make his getaway, but that dream seemed short lived when the Devil was suddenly peering down at him. He was soon pinned against the ride, his wrist broken so fast when he tried to use his gun, causing him even more agony than necessary. 
“Who did this?” Daredevil snared, still holding a nice grip on the man’s wrist.
Rory clenches his jaw as he tries to catch his breath. “People you don’t mess with.”
With the subtle tilt of his head, he replies, “You’re bleeding out. And I got all night.”
“Go to hell!!”
Matt twists his arm, getting him to cry again. “Who did this?”
“The one they call Punisher.” 
“Where is he?”
Rory lets out a laugh. “It doesn’t matter ‘cause when we’re done with him, he’s as good as dead.”
Matt mentally sighs, “That’s helpful.” He mumbles, and twists a bit more, causing a louder scream. “But it’s not what I asked.”
His voice grows darker just as the sirens around them become louder and louder; and with a look of fear in his eyes…
Rory spilled everything.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
So this is the Castle family’s house? The trio was thinking as they parked their car across the street before trekking along the darkness to the back door.
“So, what are we doing here again?” Foggy asked, feeling like he was still in the dark about everything.
“We’re going to find anything that can help us with understanding Frank.” Karen explains, surveying the area. 
“And how are we going to find something by looking at a house?”
“Because we’re going to be looking…” She slowly gestures to the back door. “Inside the house.”
His eyes widened. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
“What– Karen, we can’t just–” Foggy trails off when he notices the teenager, crouching down carefully and jiggling a lock with a bobby pin. With a disapproving touch of his hand on her shoulder, he says, “Uh, excuse me, young lady. How do you know how to do this?”
Kaila smirks. “Remember that ‘secret’ candy drawer in your apartment?”
“Yeah…” He gasps quietly. “You were the one stealing from there?! Why?”
“Because–” She shrugs. “I wanted candy and you weren’t giving me any.”
He scoffs and shakes his head. “You’re in so much trouble. I interrogated a lot of people over that!”
“Yeah, and I lied. Sorry,” She pauses for a second. “Huh, and my dad knew the whole time.”
“You’re so grounded.”
She continues jiggling the lock until they hear a small ‘click’. She grins, standing up and grabbing her crutch as she moves inside, the other two following swiftly. The first thing they noticed beside the darkness was how cold the house was, and how you couldn’t hear anything. It made them all get goosebumps and a slight shock up their spines. 
All having the same idea, Karen, Foggy and Kaila slowly start walking around the house with their phones’ flashlights. Going from the kitchen in the back to the main area. When they slowly start to make things out, Karen pulls a tissue from her purse, carefully grabbing and examining things as Foggy looks around, paling.
“This is really eerie, Karen.” Foggy replies, feeling his heart skip a beat.
“Well, I wasn’t really expecting a picnic in here either.” She says, feeling the same way.
But to add more to their emotions, the three of them nearly jolted out of their own skins when Kaila’s crutch hit a small toy frog on the floor, activating it. 
“Jesus…” Kaila muttered, holding her chest before sighing with relief. “What was that?”
Foggy shines the light where he heard it land, frowning. “It’s a wind up toy.” Then the realization hit. “Oh, God… He really was a father.”
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
Matt arrives at the scene just as Frank manages to get himself untied and kill Finn while muttering a very… interesting phrase. He knocks out the two that would have put a few more bullets into Castle’s brain before cautiously walking towards him, but there was still a concerned aura around him.
Frank’s face twitched in anger. “They’re gonna pay. Every single goddamn one of ‘em.” He spews with boiling venom.
“They will.” Matt agrees before shaking his head. “But not tonight. Move. And no killing.”
Frank gives him a glare. “Altar boy.” He replies before grabbing something he could use as a weapon.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
After a while, it was starting to become more and more heavy. It hit even harder when they came across the table filled with very depressing items. It made the whole situation worse than they thought.
Kaila stares at all the bouquets of flowers sent with condolence cards. The cards were addressed to none other than Frank Castle himself. She finds herself feeling very teary eyed.
“This is really…” She trails off, heart hurting. She couldn’t find the right word to say. Losing your entire family? In one night? She could only imagine what this must feel like.
So this is why Frank wanted to help my dad.
“I guess this explains his actions as the Punisher.” Karen said, standing next to her, looking the same. “I guess anyone would do the same thing in his shoes…”
“No shit.” 
“Looks like he was a war hero, too.” Foggy calls out to them, getting them to turn around to face the wall of memorabilias. Sure enough there was Frank in uniform in several pictures, and a couple of his metals were on display. “And this is where his sniper skills come from.”
“Now it all makes sense.” Karen said, looking over them carefully, imprinting the images in her head. 
“True. But–”
On cue, the three of them immediately turned their flashlights off when a vehicle pulled in front of the house. The headlights powered off just as Karen decides to take a peak. And just like the nurse from earlier was describing, here comes both men and women in black suits strolling out of the yellow van.
“Shit…” She whispers, letting go of the curtain.
.
.
.
What the fuck do we do now?
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
On the other side of town, after an intense battle for their lives, Matt found himself carefully setting down a heavily injured Frank Castle against a tombstone. The man grunted at the way his body seemed to mold against it, his adrenaline finally wearing off.
“Hey.” Frank begins, panting. He spares the blind man a glance. “Not bad.”
“Thanks.” Matt said, breathing through his nostrils. 
“I guess I, uh… I guess I was wrong.”
A tilt in his head. “About?”
“About you being a pussy.”
“Don’t get all sweet on me now, Frank.” Matt said, getting a laugh which soon turned into a coughing fit. He frowns worriedly. “Help’s on the way.”
“Nah.” Frank shakes his head. “You should go. I’m past saving. At least I’d have company, right?” A sigh. “I think I might cash out. You’d have made a hell of a Marine, Red.”
There was a twinge of guilt as he could hear the sincerity from his voice. Although Frank was the definition of ‘rough around the edges’, he could still see the soft and wonderful man he really was underneath. 
It made Matt feel like shit to even think about.
“That rhyme. What's it mean?” Matt asked, genuinely curious while crouching down.
This catches Frank off guard for the first time in a while. “What’d you say? …Huh?”
“The thing you say. Right before you pull the trigger.”
“What do you… You heard that?”
“Well, when you’re a blind man, your other senses get heightened so… yeah, I heard it.”
Frank blinks in disbelief. “What the…” He sighs, not even going to question it. “I gotta say, sometimes... Sometimes I think you really just might be the devil.”
Matt nods in agreement. “Sometimes I think I might be, too.”
“It’s, uh…” Frank begins, already getting choked up. “One batch, two batch. Penny and dime, you know. It was her favorite book. You know, you… You gotta cross the ocean… and go fight. You see… whole time you’re thinking you’re gonna be scared, right? But then, you’re not. See, that part of it was always easy for me. Killing. Even watching my buddies die, it just… it didn’t mean nothing.”
His face twitches. “The first time I got scared was on a plane on the way home. I kept thinking God was gonna pull the rug out from under us, you know? Shit, that’s his kind of funny, you know. But the plane landed safe and we were home. Driving through traffic. Yeah, you pass fast food and donut shops and all that… that greasy shit. It’s the shit you fought to protect and then the car stops. We were outside her school. I get to her classroom, right?”
Frank keeps going as Matt slowly sinks himself into the ground, listening wholeheartedly. “She’s in there… but she’s got no idea.” His dark eyes glisten with tears. “She’s got no idea that Daddy’s home. I walk in, these kids, they’re not even studying, they’re–” He chuckles. “Doing some kind of yoga. Yeah. You know? She’s there. She’s doing her poses, you know. She’s bending and, you know, she’s moving. She looks like a flower. Yeah. And, you know, you can’t even understand it, you know, how does something like that have... How does something that beautiful– How does that… does that come from me, you know? I know you probably do. Don’t you?”
Matt nods. “Yeah. I do.” He could relate to that. Sometimes his daughter was so pure compared to him. So innocent despite the things she’s seen. It hurts a lot to think about sometimes.
Frank smiles brightly. “And she looks up and she sees me. I see her. By God, that’s real. That’s real, Red. Boom. In an instant, she’s across that classroom floor, she’s in my arms. She’s squeezing me so tight, I swear I was gonna bust a rib, you know? We just stayed there like that, we’re holding each other. Teacher, she’s filming the whole thing on her phone, you know, she’s gonna put it on YouTube or some shit. She can’t hold the thing steady, because, you know, she’s… she’s bawling so hard, and the kids are all wailing, you know, they’re screaming. And me? Shit, I’m the worst of all. I’m a… I’m a rubber-face clown, you know. I cried so hard.”
He looks up to the sky, trying to hold the floodgates from opening. “But not my baby. Not my girl. You know, she’s my girl. She’s… She’s not crying, she’s holding me up. My girl, she’s keeping me on my feet.” He sucks in a shaky breath. “She says, ‘I knew it, Daddy. I knew it.’ And then we go home. Wife, the boy. Place is the exact same. It’s like it was just holding its breath waiting for me to get back, you know? Then it hit me.”
Now he sounds desperate. “All of it, you know. The first time I felt how tired I was, you know, I was just tired, you know? You… Y-You ever been tired, Red?”
“Yeah.” Matt nods, sadly, knowing that feeling so very well. He’s known it his entire life.
“So, you know. It’s just, I couldn’t do nothing, you know?” Frank's lip quivered. “All the things… I couldn’t take my wife to bed. Ball with the boy. Shit, I was too tired, I couldn’t even drink a goddamn beer, you know. But not her. My girl was up. See, she wanted me to, uh… she wanted me to tuck her in. She… She outgrew it, she knew it, but she didn’t care. She wanted it. She had that book. Her favorite book was out on the pillows.
“‘One Batch, Two Batch Penny and Dime’. Yeah. I read her that book every night before this shit. I read it every single night, but, see, that was over now because Daddy’s home now. She looked at me and she begged me, Red. She begged. She begged. I said, ‘No… Daddy’s too tired, see. But I’ll… I’ll read to you tomorrow night. I’ll read to you tomorrow night, I promise’. Yeah. Never think that… for her there was not gonna be any tomorrow, see. The last time I’d see her, I’d be holding her lifeless body in my arms. Meat was spilling out of her, Red. The place where her face used to be.”
Frank casts a glance at the vigilante, pity on his features. “As much as I hated you for interfering with my work… I couldn’t stand the thought of another father going through that. I don’t think I could stand seeing you holding your daughter in your arms like that. Wailing like a baby, praying that the clock would turn back and the bullets would come for you instead. I didn’t want that for you.” He sighs, letting go of everything. “No. I think I’m done, Red. I think I’m done.”
Matt opens his mouth to speak, but a cop car pulls up with two officers hopping out, drawing their guns from their holsters.
“Police.” Brett said, walking at them at a steady pace. “Don’t move. Hands where I can see ‘em.” He sounded and seemed so disappointed. “Shots fired. Bodies, mayhem and shit. How come I just knew you weren’t going to listen?”
“I have something for you, Sergeant.” Matt said, standing up and giving them a view of the Punisher.
“That’s him?” Brett asked, getting a nod. “Cover him and get EMS.”
“Yep.” His partner replies, and moves around the Daredevil for the other man.
“And you, you incredible pain in my ass.” Brett continues, sheathing his gun as he makes the man before him kneel, hands behind his back. “I really wished you listened.”
“Get him help.” Was Matt’s reply.
“Shut up.” He starts pulling out his handcuffs. “I don’t want to do this.”
“Take the collar.”
Brett falters his movements. “What?”
“You heard me.” Matt replies with a bite. “You caught him, not me. It can’t be me, it has to be you.”
“Why?”
“To protect the Kitchen. For law, for order.”
“You’re telling me how to file a report now?”
“Yeah.” Matt scoffs. “Take the collar. Take the credit. Get a promotion, if you can. You’ve earned it.”
Brett purses his lip. “Bullshit.”
“No, people have to know the system works. Not his justice and not mine. Vigilante days are done in this town. The police are in charge.”
“That’s not how it happened.”
“Then make it how it happened.”
The cop closes his eyes, realizing he is speaking the truth. “Shit…”
“EMT and backup on the way. Two minutes out.” The other officer calls out.
Brett sighs, and pulls Matt up from the ground. “Go. Go!” He shouts, making the devil run off into a sprint, leaving him with a newfound understanding.
Now I really know that’s you, Matt. A smile graced his lips for a split second just as thunder rumbled the sky and rain started to fall.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
Miraculously, the troublesome trio somehow got out of the house without being seen. Which ended up being Karen taking Kaila’s crutch from her hand, and Foggy throwing the girl over his shoulder like a shake of potatoes. On the drive back was a mixture of anxiety and small bickering. How in the world are they going to explain this to their vigilante friend? As Foggy puts it, they’re ‘so fucked’. 
But they eventually could release a breath of relief as they arrived back in the city, and back on route to where they were supposed to have gone in the first place. And despite their protests, the exhausted teenager went inside the apartment alone as the adults watched from the car.
“Think she’ll be okay by herself?” Karen asked, being a mother hen she was.
Foggy nods. “She should be fine. She’s just going to sleep.” He sighs, running his fingers through his hair. “Matt’s going to be so pissed when I tell him what she can do. Fuck. He’s going to be pissed at all of us.”
“I’ll take the blame again.”
“Oh, hell yeah you are.”
Suddenly her phone starts to ring, a picture of Matt appears along with his favorite song. 
.
.
.
Oh, yes…
Perfect timing Mr. Daredevil.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
After picking up their important guest, who had slipped a long coat over his costume, he had Karen drive them all back to the same apartment, watching/listening to the “news of the year” on the phone:
‘Frank Castle, the gunman wanted in connection with the Metro-General shooting and linked to dozens of recent gangland-related killings throughout Hell’s Kitchen was apprehended just hours ago outside Saint Michael’s Cemetery. An NYPD spokesman says, “Tonight, New York has Sergeant Brett Mahoney of the 15th Precinct to thank”.’
“Gotta hand it to Brett. He seems to follow you wherever you go.” Foggy replies, sending a look at Matt from the backseat.
Matt ignores that jab and says, “I’m glad people like him are looking out for Hell’s Kitchen.”
Foggy chuckles. “Yeah.”
“And I’m glad someone was looking out for him.”
“Oooh… I wonder who.”
“Press are calling Castle ‘a cold-blooded psychopath’.” Karen said, scoffing. “The DA’s gonna have a hell of a time using his prosecution to turn herself into a hero. It’s all working out perfectly.”
Now it was Matt’s turn to laugh. “Wow, way to bring us down, Ms. Page.” He says, smirking. “I think we've had enough Punisher for one evening. We’ll worry about the rest tomorrow.”
“Amen to that.” Foggy agrees, and Karen sighs again (Only Matt noticed something underlining there).
“You okay?” Matt asks, hearing her shift in her seat.
“Yeah.” She breathes, just as his eyebrows shoot up, not buying it. “Okay, that wasn’t convincing, was it? Um, I don’t know, I just, uh days like today remind me how precious life can be, you know?”
Matt and Karen exchange loving glances and that’s when Foggy, who was grinning like an idiot, made up an excuse to leave.
“You know what? My apartment’s kind of far. I-I should get a cab.” He explains as he starts gathering his things. 
“A cab?” Karen asked, confused. She swears she convinced him earlier it was okay for her to drive him. What changed?
“You know we don’t mind driving you.” Matt adds as his friend shakes his head.
“Nah, that’s okay. Cab’s fine.” Foggy continues.
“It’s raining.”
“A little rain never hurts anyone.” He smiles and clasps a hand on each of their shoulders. “Well, you two have fun, have a drink for me, maybe play a board game, and try to keep it PG with your daughter in there. Okay? Goodnight!”
He wiggles himself out of the car with his belongings, leaving the two of them staring in disbelief…
Before both turning beat red.
Karen buries her face in her hands. “Oh, Foggy…” She said, making them both chuckle. “Uh… should we… um…?
“...ignore… him?” Matt says slowly.
“Uh, y-yes? Maybe?” She starts hearing him laugh again. “I don’t know.”
“Uh, m-me neither. So…”
“You… Um…” She fiddles with her hands. “Actually…”
He tilts his head. “Something you want to tell me?”
She shakes her head. “Oh, I’ll tell you tomorrow. Promise.”
He smiles. “Okay.”
“I’ll walk you inside.”
The two of them get out of the car, Karen taking him by the hand and pulling him towards the door. The warm rain soaking them immediately, but neither of them minded. They walked the concrete path, touching the edge of the steps with their toes when Matt suddenly tugs them both to a stop. The atmosphere was so light and comforting; It made them feel like they were on cloud 9.
Matt’s fingers ghosted her arm, trailing seductively up to her shoulder as she quietly gasped at his touch. Finally he cupped her cheek, some of her golden locks getting entangled, trapping his fingers like a spiderweb. And with hope in both of their eyes, both of them leaned in for a (long overdue) blissful kiss. Short and sweet, but it was breathtaking, exhilarating. And when they broke apart, they let their foreheads rest against each other, smiling.
“Can I take you to dinner?” Matt asks as he couldn’t hold back anymore.
“Yes.” She replies, happily.
“Tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
His smile grew, his chest feeling a thousand times lighter now. “Goodnight, Karen.”
She mimicked him at this very moment as well. “Goodnight, Matt.”
With a new pep in her step, she heads back to her car which was just the cue Matt was waiting for to head back inside. He couldn’t wipe the grin off his face as he climbed the stairs and entered his home. Setting his things by the door, he starts heading in the direction of his room. If his daughter was still up then–
Oh, boy. He thought, only imagining what her reaction would be when he tell her the news.
Kai’s going to have a field day with this one.
But just as his hand was reaching for the door handle, his senses suddenly caught onto something. He jolts in his stance, spinning around with his fists up, ready to fight. He tunes in on a figure -a woman- in his kitchen, twirling with one of his knives. With that sweet, sweet voice of poison he remembers so very well, she says,
“Hello, Matthew.”
With his heart in his throat he croaks, “Elektra.”
Her sharp eyes stayed on him for a while before she stopped her movements to take a swig of the drink she stole from the fridge. “Mmm! German beer. Tastes like piss.”
“What the hell are you doing here?” He says, lowering his hands slightly, focusing completely on her.
“You’ve never been hard to find.” 
He clenches his jaw. “That’s not what I asked.”
“At least your furniture’s improved.” She said in her attempt at small talk. She sets the bottle down and starts making her way over.
“Kinda liked my old futon.”
“I liked breaking it in.” She says, seductively. “Nice place. Too bad about the clothes, though.”
He holds his hand up, a sign she took for her to stop as she entered the living area. “Why are you here?”
She sighs. “Would you believe it if I said I missed you?”
Not missing a beat he says, “No.”
“Smart man. Columbia education really paid off.”
“No thanks to you.” He bites back.
She chuckles. “I’m in New York for a meeting. I thought I’d pop by.”
“Well, you’re not staying here, so…”
“Fine.” She shrugs. “My penthouse in midtown will just have to do, then. We spent some nights there.”
He mentally cusses, holding back an eye twitch. “Look, if you came here to walk down memory lane, I don’t really have the–”
“I’m sorry. I’ve spent years trying to convince myself that things happen for a reason, that you and I were not meant to be. But I know now. That wasn’t fate. It was a choice. My choice. And I’m sorry. I’m alone in the world, Matthew. Do you know what that feels like?”
Matt scoffs in disbelief. “No.”
She seemed disappointed. “Of course you do. You–”
“I really don’t.” He snaps, bitterly, honestly. “Not in a long time I haven’t.”
Elektra sighs. “Well, you must know what it’s like to clean up your father’s messes. A long time ago, before he died, my father did business with the Roxxon Corporation.”
Matt raises an eyebrow. “Roxxon?”
“Energy, cleaning supplies, macaroni and cheese. Child labor, slave trade. They have their fingers in everything. I believe it’s called diversification. And thanks to my father’s shitty investments, they hold most of his wealth.”
“Yeah, okay. I–”
“I have a meeting tomorrow with the board at the Yakatomi Building. And I need your help, Matthew.”
“How am I supposed to help you?” He asked, puzzled. 
“I want you to use that expensive legal training of yours to help me get my money back–”
“See, I’m a defense lawyer.”
“I’ll pay you well.”
Matt laughs, shaking his head. “I’m not taking your money. And, even if I accepted, there’s not enough time.”
“For what?” Elektra asked, confused.
“Oh, just research. Accounts, shareholders, hierarchy of the–”
“You have fifteen hours.”
He blinks. “Fifteen hours, Elektra, are you insane?”
“Matthew.” She sighs his name. “You’re the only person I–”
She trails off like she suddenly listening for something, and Matt was puzzled on what until–
Nobody could miss the way he tenses and holds his hands up. “Elektra.” He starts warning, as he could hear her gripping the kitchen knife. “Wait– Don’t!!”
He manages to snag the knife midair just as the bedroom door slide opens, his quick action startling his poor kid. He winces as soon as the blade makes contact with his skin, and lets it go immediately. 
“Shit!” He cusses, blood pooling from his open palm.
“Are you okay?!” Kaila gasps, shifting her weight onto her good leg as she tries to look at his injury.
“Matthew?” Elektra’s voice broke through making him stiff up again. “Who’s that?”
He hides his pain quickly, and uses his non-injured hand to push his kid behind him. “You need to leave.” He said, stern and underlining cold.
Kai casts a glance at him. “Dad?” She whispers, scared.
Elektra looks between the two, puzzled. “Dad?” She asked, hurt in her face as she looked at her ex. “You have a daughter?”
“Dad, who’s is–”
“You need to leave. Now.” Matt repeats, tougher.
“Since when did you have a kid?” Elektra asked, pain in her voice as steps closer. “And with whom?”
Matt pulls his daughter completely behind, a subtle sign to tell her to stay back. “Does that even matter?” He asked, not even letting her answer. “You have no right to ask me that. Leave.”
“Matthew–”
“Leave.”
If anyone else was in her place they would have trembled under his tone of voice alone; But even Elektra, who claims she knows the real him, seemed taken back. Not even saying another word, she left out the front door like she was a guest and not someone who trespassed (which seemed to piss Matt off more than it should have). Matt almost didn’t want to relax, he knows she’ll come back. She always does. She always seems to–
Kaila nearly fell to the ground if he hadn’t been standing there. Her name passed by his lips quickly as he caught her, leaning her against him.
“Why are you walking on your own? Where’s your crutch?” He asks, getting them both settled down on the bed. 
“I kind of leaped out of bed ‘cause of concern.” She replies, before grabbing a gentle hold onto his wrist. “Your hand.”
“It’s okay. I don’t think I need stitches.”
She stares at his palm, carefully feeling around the cut to confirm his words before asking, “Who is she?”
He frowns, slightly ashamed. “She uh, is an old… flame of mine. Second year. My uh… party boy era.”
“Party boy era?” She watches him nod. “You told me some stories. But you never mention a girlfriend.”
“She’s… not my proudest accomplishment.”
Kaila frowns, sadly. “Was she before my mother?”
“Before Mary, yeah.”
“So what happened with… her?”
He sighs. “After a while, she started doing stuff that… I didn’t like. The last thing she did was pretty awful. When I comforted her about it, she yelled at me and then disappeared. That’s the last time I ever saw her.”
“Damn.” Kaila muttered. “That bad, huh?”
“You have no idea.”
“Well…” She starts leaning forward to grab the first aid kit under the bed. “You might have dodged a bullet there, dad.” She pulls out some disinfectant wipes and a gauze. “She seems… violent.”
Matt chuckles dryly. “Very.” His expression fades back into worriedness. “You’re not going to ask more questions?”
“I’ve heard enough. You told me enough.” She starts looking around for her phone. “Besides–” She snags it off the end of the nightstand. “If there’s more to what you need to tell me you will. But if it doesn’t affect our lives, then I’m not worried about it.” 
She smiles up at him, and he couldn’t help but copy her.
“I really lucked out with you as my daughter, Kai.” Matt said, making her snort.
“Well, that’s good, ‘cause you’re stuck with me. Here–” She hands him her phone that had the flashlight on. “Hold this up for me.”
“Can do.” He lets her do her thing, taking this small moment and cherishing it despite the circumstances leading up to it. “Thank you, Dr. Kaila.”
She smirks. “Hey, that’s Dr. Murdock for you, sir.” Kaila replies, cheeky just finishing up. “‘Least it was your non-dominant hand.”
“And I’m grateful for that.” He says, handing the device to her. Just as he does, the teenager’s phone buzzes and he feels her gaze immediately lock with it, disappointment registering on her face. Matt latches onto this quickly. “What’s wrong?” 
“It’s… nothing.” 
“Doesn’t sound like it. You seem… upset.” He uses his non-injured hand to tilt her head towards him. “What’s wrong?”
She frowns. “It just… I met someone at work–”
“You met someone?”
“A friend. His name is Jayden–”
“His name?”
She rolls her brown eyes. “Dad, stop.”
“Sorry.” He apologizes. “Continue.”
“Anyway, we started talking and texting one another, and we even made plans to hang out, however I got… you know… kidnapped.” Her frown deepens as she crosses her arms. “He texted me if I was okay, I said I was, and then… that’s it. He hasn’t responded to any of my texts. It’s… weird.” A sigh. “Do you think I did something wrong?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “Of course not.”
“Then how come he’s ignoring me?”
“Well… maybe he doesn’t know how to respond after what happened to you. Maybe it just feels awkward for him. It’s not everyday that someone’s friend gets kidnapped.” 
Kaila nods slowly, processing his words. “True.”
“He’s also probably taken back by how you responded. To him, you might have sounded… too okay with a text. It might have been different if you two would have talked on the phone or face-to-face.”
“True.”
“Just give him some time. If he doesn’t respond, maybe try giving him a call. Okay?”
She sighs. “Okay. You’re right.”
“Good.” He says, as a smile starts to grow. “Well, on the bright side–” He nudges her a bit. “I’ve got good news.”
“What?”
“Your old man might have… put a move on a certain blonde tonight.” A gasp. “And I might have asked her to dinner tomorrow.” Another gasp. “And she might have said yes.”
She squeals. “Dad, that’s awesome!” She shouts, making him laugh. “Awe. Do you have something to wear? Or do we need to go shopping? Or–”
 “Kai–”
“We could go to that new tailor store up the road. Or we could go into town square for the day.”
“Kai–”
“What about places to eat? Do you have any idea where you’re going to take her?”
“Kai–” He laughs again at her enthusiasm and grabs her by the forearm to stop her. “Relax. You’re way more excited about this than I am.”
“Sorry.” She said, blushing. “You haven’t been on a date in a long time. One that you actually seem happy for.”
“Well, I…” Now it was his turn to get red. “I like Karen. She makes me feel… good. Happy. Warm.”
“Awe.” Kaila threw her arms around his neck. “I’m glad you feel that way. Although… I can’t believe Karen of all people is trying to take my number one spot with you.”
Another laugh. “Oh… baby girl–” He kisses her temple. “You'll always be my number one.” 
And that was the absolute truth.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
“Morning.” Kaila said, as she and her father entered the office the very next day.
Foggy smiles, eyes still glued to the newspaper he was currently reading. “Murdocks.”
“We, uh, have anything for breakfast?” Matt asked as he started pouring himself a glass of water from their filter.
Foggy raises an eyebrow. “You hungry or hungover?” 
A brief pause. “Both.”
Kaila gives him a look as she sits down. “Since when did you have a drink last night?” She asked, and got a shrug in return.
Foggy chuckles. “All right, you need some potassium, some electrolytes, and a jolt of caffeine. I’ll give you, uh…” He looks around before snapping his fingers at something. “-The last piece of Mrs. DiNizio’s peach cobbler, which is… the last piece of anything in this office.”
“I guess our finances haven’t improved since last week.” Matt said, frowning.
“Yeah, well, clients don’t respond well to a ‘closed’ sign.”
Kaila looks between the two, concerned. “Should… I be worried?”
Her father sighs and shakes his head. “No, baby girl, don’t… it’s my fault. I’m sorry, Foggy.”
“Don't be.” Foggy replies, taking a seat next to his niece, still reading. “You got Punisher off the street. I’m hoping Reyes will get her jackboot off our neck and this office can go back to normal.”
“Can you though?” Kai said, getting their attention. “I mean with everything we’ve gotten entangled with… can we be normal again?”
Before the boys could process her words, Nelson and Murdock’s last employee finally arrived.
“Matt–” Karen enters the room, startling herself as she tries to balance a tray full of beverages. “Uh, good morning.”
“Hey, Karen.” Matt said, a little smile ghosting his face.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Uh, not so much. You?”
“Me?” She slurred, closing the door with her elbow. “Yeah, sure. Uh, I-I mean–”
“Is that coffee I can smell?” He said, feeling his heart race.
“Hmm?”
“Coffee.”
“Uh, yeah, um… Yeah, arabica for all.” She chuckles and starts handing the cups over. “For everyone.” She hands over the last one for Kai. “Uh, Chai for you.”
The teenager’s eyes light up with happiness. “Thank you, Ma’am.”
“Yeah, Thanks. You’re a goddess.” Matt said, still grinning.
“Okay, you two.” Foggy cuts in, still smiling like a goof. “Let’s talk business. Potential clients. Real ones. With bank in the bank.”
“Uh, actually, yeah, can we, uh, talk about these first?” Karen asked, holding up some paper. The boys follow her as she stands behind her own desk. “The, uh, press is still painting Castle like he’s nothing more than some deranged lunatic.” 
“Well, it’s not like our boy was out collecting for the Red Cross.” Foggy points out, even after knowing what he discovered last night. 
“I know. I know, but–”
“You think there’s more to the story.” Matt finishes, already knowing this was going to be true (everyone did).
“Exactly. I mean, five different papers and not a word about the bullet he took to the brain, or his military record, or his family.” She continues, running a hand through her locks. “So we know what he said last to you about his daughter was true. W-We found this photograph. It’s of him and his wife and kids at the carousel–”
“We?” The Blind man asked, confused. “You mean…” He points between his friends. “The two of you?” He didn’t miss the way their heartbeats flickered. “You guys found it where, exactly?”
“W-We… sort of broke into his house last night.” 
“Broke in? Last night you–” He trails off at a realization, and with a steady expression he turns in his daughter’s direction who was nervously sipping her drink.
She eventually just shrugs. “Murdock curse…?”
“I… shouldn’t even be surprised at this point.” Matt said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Anyway, I get what you were trying to do, but that still was dangerous and illegal.”
“I know, I know. Sorry.” Karen said, apologetically.
“For the record, I didn’t know that’s what we were going to do. I just thought we were going to look at the house from afar.” Foggy said, holding his hands up. “But, I will still take some of the blame… but your daughter knows how to pick locks.”
Matt looks her way again. “You know how to do what?”
“Why are you throwing me into this?” Kaila asked, dumbfounded. “Shouldn’t we be listening to Karen? I mean, I know Frank is a lunatic, but he threw one of his missions away to save me. Shouldn’t Nelson and Murdock at least try to see if they can help him?”
“No.” Foggy shakes his head. “No. I mean, yeah he saved you, but come on, we successfully dodged a metaphorical bullet and quite a few literal ones. We need to be done with the crazy, guys. We need normal.”
And with that said he stormed into his own office.
“I’m sorry.” Karen said, bowing her head. “I’m really sorry if I– I pushed it too far.”
“It’s okay.” Matt said, with a light laugh. “Just Uh, I don’t think you’re wrong about him, I feel the same way too, but it’s really simple, Karen. Just I don’t want you to get hurt. Not like I have…”
She lets those words sink in before deciding to test the waters somewhere else. “So, uh... Last night.”
“Last night?” He pinches his brows together, all tongue and cheek. “I don’t– What happened last night? At Josie’s? With Foggy?”
She giggles. “You…”
“Did something happen?”
“Yeah.”
“Anything else? I don’t–”
“Yeah?”
Matt laughs quietly, softly. “Yeah, it was great. And I like to think I can do better, if we’re still on for dinner.”
“Uh, yeah. It’s a date.”
“Holy shit!” Foggy said, coming back into the room. “That was the bank.”
Karen frowns with dread. “Oh, no.”
“No, it’s all good.” Foggy continues, still stunned by the news. “There was a deposit. A big one.”
“What?”
Kaila’s eyes widened with realization before looking at her Father. “Dad–”
“Uh, actually, do me a favor, don’t spend any of it.” Matt blurts out nervously.
“Dad–”
Foggy gives him a strange look. “Why not?” He asked, concernedly.
“I-I was hit up by a potential client yesterday, so, I just–” Matt tried explaining but his friend was now nervously saying things.
“Is it dirty money? Are we doing that again?”
“No! No, it’s nothing like that. It’s just, um– I’m not sure it’s gonna work out, let me… Let me just–”
“Dad!!” Kaila shouts, getting him to stop. “Enough lying! Just tell them the truth. You promised no more secrets.”
With those words, she trapped her Dad like a deer in a headlight. He felt everyone’s eyes on him, puzzled and on the border of hurt.
“What secret?” Karen asked, with a tilt of her head.
“Okay, who’s this client, Matt?” Foggy asked, bracing himself for the answer.
Matt lets out a sigh knowing he’s been pinned down. And with a small shift in his stance, hands on his hips he says, “It’s… Elektra.” And he didn’t need sight to know that his college roommate’s eyes were slowly bugging out of his head.
“Wait…” Foggy mumbles, hands waving around, grasping something imaginary. “Elektra?” He tests out the name that burns on his tongue. “Psychopath Elektra? Your old girlfriend from college?”
Karen immediately copies his expression. “Old girlfriend?” She asked, looking between the two.
“Yeah!” Foggy boasts, arms flinging out in a dramatic way. “I-I mean she was beautiful, b-but fucking off the walls crazy!” He stares at Matt in disbelief. “You mean she showed up back in your life?”
Matt nods. “S-She… was at my door when I came home last night.”
Karen crosses her arms, intrigued. “W-What did she want?”
“Uh, basically, long story short, she wants to get her father’s wealth back from this company called Roxxon. She wanted me to be her lawyer. I told her no, but apparently she didn’t listen.”
“What do we do?” Foggy asked, while rubbing his tired face.
“I’m going to have to talk to her, I mean we’re defense lawyers. What can we do?” 
“And you’re talking to her as… Matt Murdock? Or the other guy?”
Matt frowns. “Not sure yet. I’ll be back.” He says, making his way where he left his walking stick. His gaze soon leads to Karen. “I’ll make sure to be back for tonight.”
Foggy raises an eyebrow between the two. “What’s tonight?” He asked, confused by this potential memo he missed.
“They’re going on a date.” Kaila sang, grinning ear to ear while making the two adults blushed.
“What?!” Her Uncle said, baffled. “Are you serious?” He gets a quick nod of confirmation from his niece before throwing his arms in the air. “Finally!”
Matt listens to his daughter’s giggle before touching her shoulder, grabbing her attention. “I’ll be back.”
Kaila nods as her expression fades. “Be careful.” 
“I will, but–” He taps the top of her phone, knowing exactly what she was doing on it. “Worry about meeting your friend.”
Her eyes widened. “How did you know I was texting–” But he leaves without another word, and she’s left staring at her device.
Once the door closes, Foggy reverts back to a curious fellow. “Your friend?”
“Uh–” Kaila meets his eyes for a split second before looking away. “I made a friend at work, and I’m… having some trouble with him.”
“Him?” He asked in the same tone of fashion her father had the night before.
She almost visibly eyerolls. “Okay, I don’t need the protective lecture again. He’s just a friend that happens to be a boy. Alright?”
He shakes his head. “Sorry. Habit, you know?”
Suddenly the office phone rings and Foggy excuses himself to go answer it just as Karen takes a seat next to the teenager.
“Need some advice?” She asked, softly.
Kaila shrugs and sighs. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Well… what’s this boy like? Is he nice? How did you meet?”
“I… I met him before the summer, right around the time you guys were about to bring Fisk down. I met him, Jayden, at that coffee shop I like to go to sometimes. We talked, just a short little conversation as we waited for our drinks, then that was it.” Kaila explains slowly, shifting in her seat. “Then, about a month into my job, he started working there. Maybe it was just a weird coincidence, but I took it as a sign that maybe the universe was finally giving me a friend.”
Karen tilts her head again. “Finally?”
The young Murdock shrugged. “I never really had friends growing up. Everyone was also so cliquey. It was strange. I was basically the girl you invited to a party because you felt bad.”
The blonde frowns. “Kai…”
“It’s fine, really. I’m not bothered by it as much as before. I mean, I did have one friend who I considered my best friend in the sixth grade, I mean we did everything together.” She slouches in her chair. “But the day she and her parents met my father, she never spoke to me again. Her parents were the helicopter ones, strict about everything. And… they obviously didn’t like blind people. Rich jackasses.”
“Kai, that’s horrible.”
“Yeah. Anyway, I like Jayden because we have a lot in common. Same music taste, we love scary movies, love books, I could go on. But ever since the kidnapping, he texted me if I was okay, I replied back and that was it. Dead silence.” She continues. “I want to go talk to him, but I don’t know where he lives, and I can’t exactly go back to my job because I’m on temporary leave, and to quote my Boss, he said, ‘If I see you set foot in this store instead of being home healing I’ll fire you’. And I kind of like my job, so… yeah.”
“Huh.” Karen said, thinking. “Have you talked it over with your dad?”
“He suggested I should give him a little bit before calling, but I don’t know. Should I even wait?” 
“Maybe you shouldn’t.” And just before more could be said, a certain DA’s right hand came strolling in. Karen stands up, surprised. “Mr. Tower? I, uh, wish you’d called. I’d have something set up.”
“Are they in?” He asked, quickly. And right on cue, Foggy peaks from his office door.
“Just the Nelson half.” He replies, puzzled as well.
“We need to talk. In private.” Tower replies, ignoring the many jabs the people in the room were giving him as he entered Foggy’s office.
“Asshole.” Kaila said, once the door was closed.  
Karen chuckles. “Can be…”
“Why don’t you do what you have to?” The Murdock gestures towards the exit. “I know that detective brain of yours wants to work on the Castle case.”
The blonde looks surprised again. “You sure?”
“Of course. There’s not much I’ll be able to do since I don’t know what you’re looking for. Besides–” She holds her phone up. “Maybe I should try.”
Karen smiles and grabs her purse. “Good luck.”
“You too.” Kaila waits till she leaves before scrolling to his contact and hitting the phone icon; She lifts it to her ear, waiting to see if it’ll stop ringing.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
Hours later after their separate adventures, both Karen and Matt made it on time for their date. The blonde was nervously flipping through the menu as the lawyer stayed silent, just listening.
“D-Do you drink wine?” Karen nervously stutters. “I should know that.”
“I… don’t drink anything they don’t serve at Josie’s.” Was Matt’s answer, which got her to laugh.
“Yeah, well, I don’t see swill on the menu.”
Their eyes locked for a moment before getting preoccupied again. Eventually they both tried to speak at the same time. “So how was–/So what did–” A laugh. “I’m sorry–/I was just gonna–”
Karen smiles, setting the menu down. “Uh, you go ahead. Go, go first.”
Matt copies her. “How was your day?”
“Fine. Uh, yeah, just a regular day at the office.”
“Well, it’s a nice change of pace, right? Not being shot at?” He nervously laughs. “That’s gotta feel good.”
She hums, and takes a sip of water. “Yeah.” She sets the glass down, folding her hands on top of one another. “You, uh… how’s the, uh, new… you know. Elektra.”
Matt inhales deeply, clearly still frustrated over the mess. “Honestly, I didn’t get the chance to talk to her. I kind of…” A slight shrugged. “Eavesdropped on the meeting.”
“Is she… in trouble you think?” Karen asked, genuinely curious.
He sighs. “I don’t know. Maybe. But I don’t want to get involved. Like I told Kai last night, she left many years ago, I’ve forgotten about her, and that’s all I want to do.”
Karen looks at him worriedly, finally seeing the hurt he’s been through appearing on his face. “I’m sorry. It… sucks when your past comes back to bite you. I know I’ve… I’ve had my fair share of that.”
Matt’s heart clenched, frowning sadly. “I’m sorry to hear that.” He whispers, and there was a brief pause before they both recollected themselves. “Well, uh… that covers work.”
She changes her expression to a joyful one like earlier. “Uh, well, it's a start. Um–” She pointed to a corner of the restaurant where the bathroom was. “I’ll be back in just a minute. Order something fantastic.”
“Sure thing.” He says, hearing her leave. Once she does he lets out a sigh, embarrassed how this was going. He thought maybe his struggles would be helped when the waiter suddenly appeared by his side. “Look. If I had to seem like I knew everything there is to know about wines in the next 60 seconds, what would I… what would I order?”
“Matthew Murdock?” The waiter said, sounding all buddy-buddy.
Matt tilts his head in confusion. “Yeah.”
He holds out a phone. “You have a call.”
“Oh.” Matt takes it. “Thanks.” He lifts it to his ear. “This is Murdock.”
‘Sorry to bother you while you're out, but you have a few moments before she returns, right?’
Matt mentally curses as soon as he hears her voice. He clenches the phone, and hiss, “What do you want from me?”
‘You should ask yourself the same question. That rooftop act was cute.’
“Yeah, nothing compared to your damsel-in-distress one.” He grits his teeth as she laughs at his reply.
‘Oh, you’re right. I didn’t actually need you. I told you, maybe I just missed you. But don’t worry, you can keep the money.’
Matt chuckles sarcastically. “Aw.. Go to fucking hell.”
‘If you really want to be done, consider this me firing you.’
And then he was met with the dial tone, supposedly ending this ‘nightmare’ (or maybe it was just starting it). 
“Hey.” Karen’s sweet voice broke through, pulling him away from the memories of his past.
He flashes her a reassuring smile. “Hey.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah… th-they ran out of wine.”
She chuckles at what she thought was a joke. “No.” She frowns when she sees he wasn’t laughing back. “Wait, seriously? Matt–”
“I-I don’t I don’t like this place, you know?”
“Is it the place? Or is it–”
“It’s definitely not you.” He quickly says, truthfully.
“You’re sure?” She said, heart skipping a beat.
“Yeah.” He hears his own heart flutter, getting back into the groove. “I’m positive.”
She bites her lip seductively before taking him by the hand. “Come on. I know where we can go.”
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
“Thank you.” Karen said to their new waiter at their new date spot. 
“Wow, this smells amazing.” Matt replies, the curry and other spices hitting his nose blissfully. “What is it?”
“Um…” She laughs at herself, not knowing either. “Who cares? They have wine.”
Matt finds himself grinning ear to ear. “Right. That’s…  You know, I’ve always felt more comfortable with the cheap stuff. You know?”
“Yeah? Well, here, I’ll drink to that.” She holds her glass up waiting for Matt to do the same before clicking.
“Cheap stuff.”
She grins too. “Cheap stuff.” She sets her glass down after a sip, grabbing her fork to dig in. “You know, I never even had Indian food until a few months ago.”
“How is that possible?” Matt asked, surprised.
“Well, my hometown in Vermont had about 400 people, so the most ethnic food it offered was French fries.”
“So that’s why you, uh, came to New York? For the food?”
She shakes her head at his cheekiness. “Uh, no. Although, if I knew places like this existed, I’d have left Vermont ages ago.”
“You see, that’s why I love this city.” He says, hearing her hum to continue. “I’ve lived here my whole life, and the place never stops unfolding new secrets.”
She nods in understanding. “Yeah, you know despite the crime, and the darkness, every once in a while, New York makes me feel…
“Like, safe?”
“Yes, is that weird?”
He shrugs. “Well–
“Huh.”
“I get it.”
Another flutter to her heart as she leans in closer. “I wish you could see this place.”
Matt smiles. “I can, if you describe it to me.”
She hums again, setting her fork down and using her hands to speak. “S-So, anyways, my favorite part… is the ceiling. It’s literally dripping with thousands of lights. They’re shaped like chili peppers–” She holds her hand up before he could protest. “Which sounds really tacky, I know, but it’s um, it’s not. Just… It’s magic.”
“Magic?” 
“Yeah.” They lock eyes again. “Magic.”
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
After dinner, the two of them took a lovely stroll hand and hand. It seems like this wonderful night would last forever, until they arrived just outside the Page residence.
Karen looks torn as she pulls them both to a stop. “This is me.” She said, before laughing nervously.
“Are you sure you don’t… live two more blocks?” Matt asked, feeling the same way. “Maybe three?”
“I wish.” She shifts her towards him. “We could sit.”
“Yeah.” He guides them down on the steps, and he pulls his shades off, taking this moment in. He chuckles, scooting closer. “All right, I’m gonna kiss ya.”
And she lets him.
They both started off sweetly before turning it up a notch, hands gripping onto each other’s clothing like it was a life line. Maybe in some way… it was.
“You can come up… if you like?” Karen asked in between their kisses.
Matt hums against her lips, smiling. “I’d love to.”
And he kisses her again.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
“Okay, so how many voicemails did you leave?” Foggy asked his Niece as they walked from the office back to her home. He wasn’t surprised when Karen left earlier in the day to do some research, but he was taken back by how his Niece seemed very repetitive with her moves today.
Looking quite embarrassed, and not even looking at him she said, “...Eight.”
“Eight?” He replies, shocked. “Jesus, Kai. I don’t think I’ve seen you stress something over like this before.”
“Yeah, I know.”
He frowns at how disappointed she sounded. “Kaila–”
“It’s okay, Foggy. I’ll be alright.” She says, as she heads up to her apartment entrance, keys in hand.
“Hey.” He says, getting her to finally turn around to look at him. “Try not to stress over it. I’m sure he’ll come around. And if he doesn’t…” He shrugs. “Fuck him. You’re too good for him anyway.”
Kaila cracks a smile. “Thank you, Uncle Foggy. Goodnight. Love you.”
“Love you too, kiddo.”
She unlocks the front door and heads inside, carefully guiding herself to ride the elevator. She sighs after hitting her floor number, a wave of exhaustion hitting her hard.
He’s right. I shouldn’t be stressing over this. And she shouldn’t, but it still hurts to admit that.
I finally found someone that I consider a real friend and he ghosts me. Lucky me…
The elevator dings and opens, and she slowly moves across the hallway to the very end. She fishes around her key ring for the right one–
“Hey, Coffee girl.” A voice erupts behind her, making her nearly jump out of her shoes.
Head whipping around quickly, she blinks upon confusion. “...Jayden?”
The dark haired boy looks nervous, and out of place, but still manages to give her a wave. “Hi.”
“W-What…” She shakes her head, recollecting herself. “What are you doing here?” 
“Uh, I… got your voicemails.” He holds up his phone before putting it back away. “Can we uh… can we talk?”
“Talk…?”
“Yeah. Can we?”
She doesn’t know if this was a dream or not, but if it isn’t, something was telling her to cease this opportunity or else. Finally relaxing her tense body, she replies,
“Sure.”
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kyeomyun · 4 months
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OH WOW ITS ALMOST 2024?!?@? oh wow... it's been... a year.
Yes I know. "Jada you left in like August and 2024 is literally in like 6 hours from now." YES YES I KNOW. I am not going to be writing for a while and I am kinda sad I won't be able too. BUT THIS ISNT ABOUT ME.
I want to just appreciate all of my wonderful moots who have made this year extremely eye opening for me. We haven't talked much in a while since school and 2023 being the year I regretted way more than appreciated. I took time for myself to find who I am but I think about you all every. single. day. You mean so much to me and I wish I showed you all more regardless of me building myself up.
@stormyjisung : my first ever moot ever. even before tumblr, we met on Instagram and let me tell you, we were simps for each other LMAO. nyx is literally the sole reason why I took time off anyways because her advice made me realize the internet was indeed altering my head very negatively. she is the person I run to, annoy, laugh with, and enjoy to talk to every single day. it's going to be 2 years since we met and every year I looked up to her as kind of... a role model. her work ethnic inspired me. nyx is just the type of person you will want to be around and talk to. but she will fucking discipline you when she think is needed. anyways, she is forever my heart, sun, moon, everything.
@wheeboo : OH MY BAE. THIS IS MY BAEEEEEE. rania. we have no spoken for a WHILE. it's been a fat minute since we have spoken a word but that one day we did talk to each other after I went away for my hiatus, oh my. IT WAS SO FUN. SHE IS SO FUN. it is just crackhead energy and it's amazing. rania inspired me as a writer so much yes, but HER. the person behind those extravagant stories? you will fall head over heels for this woman. she is funny, charming, loving, yes. just yes. sorry but me and rania are like 🤞🏽🤞🏽. once I get my life together, I will love to talk back to you.
@etherealyoungk : SKYE. SKYE SKYE SKYE. BAHHHHHHHHHHH. skye is like a magnet. that's how we are starting out. it's like you just want to be with her. it's just- you love skye ok. if you know skye, you know what I am saying. but this lovely person right here is just amazing. she is really lowkey yes but she is that person you can just chill with. like I imagine just us sitting in complete silence, someone say something dumb as fuck and then the conversation goes on from there. BASICALLY THE IDEAL GIRL BESTIE. I love skye so much dude it's crazy :((( ONCE AGAIN, I WILL TEXT YOU ONCE I AM WORKED OUT.
@rubywonu : NIAAAAA. we haven't spoken much but the times we did talk were so much fun 😭 every conversation was so fresh and funny. we are still in the learning about each other stage but once we do, WE WILL BE INSEPRETABLE. WE WILL TALK. TRUST.
@trblsvt : LIIIII. omg.. we follow each other on instagram and have not texted for a while wow. I MISS YOU SO MUCH DUDE AAAAAA. YOU WENT TO SEE WAVE TO EARTH AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO JEALOUS OF SOMEONE. WE NEED TO TALK MORE YOU TALANTED SOUL.
@icyminghao : NOELLE. MY LOVE. MY HYPEWOMAN. you are just a bundle of JOY. noelle is that someone you want to protect with your life because her happiness is everything. EVERYTHING YOU HEAR ME. it's also been a while since we have spoken because yk- life. but the times we did talk.... we spoke in caps so you knew the conversation was either juicy or just downright out of pocket. once again, she is a charmer. you will never fall out of love with noelle dude. the day you meet her, you are trapped. IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE OBV. anyways, WE WILL TALK AGAIN. I REALLY HOPE WE CAN.
@star1117-archives : wow.. long time no speak BAHAHAHA. I can say our text should not be exposed to the public. never. but lowkey, miles, you are the most savage person ever. LITERALLY. miles will shut you up in a matter of just seconds and make you rethink. but it's been so long since we texted man... we should lowkey do a reunion with the gang in the discord server we left dusty asf. ANYWAY, miles is the kind of dude that lowkey makes fun of you for dumb shit but in the most chill way possible. idk how else to explain it ;-;. he is just that someone you will enjoy to have and that friend that has your back no matter what. he protect.
@fairyhaos : my precious yena :((. it's been 2 months since we have spoken a word to each other but as like the others, I think about you EVERY DAY. she is one of the first moots I have made on tumblr and let me tell you, she is a sweetheart. it's like a small joshua :((. she is like a freshly bloomed flower and you need to nourish her :((. ANYWAYS. yena. love her. to the ends of the earth. she is such a gentle and caring friend, it's almost hard to believe you can be friends with her. that's until you bring up joshua BAHAHAHAHA. she becomes a whole different being ;-;. BUT WE NEED TO TALK AGAIN PRECIOUS.
@gyu-effect : OH MY GOD SARAH. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? HAVE YOU BEEN OK?? this girl right here. BIGGEST TAEMIN STAN IN THE BOOK OK. no but seriously, Sarah and I had alot of deep talks about life the times we did talk. and I mean DEEP. but her mindset is so careful(?). she is really caring with her friends I should say and that warms my heart in the best way possible because how was I able to win someone so magnificent like you in my life :((. we should really talk again babe <3
@jaehunnyy : uh oh. my WIFEEE GUYS. MY WIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. OK LET ME TELL YOU. IM HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HER. ITS CRAZY. INSANE EVEN. I miss her more and more everyday man :((. everyday we don't text, it's like a gap is missing. it's been a little over a month since we last texted so IMAGINE THE SUFFERING. this babe right here though is just someone you will get on one knee for and ask for marriage. that says alot about her. you start talking to her, time skip and you are married. anyways, my wifey is such a loveable wifey. we go crazy together <3
@lvlystars : NINI I AM NOT GOING TO LIE. I KEEP FORGETTING YOU HAVE A NEW ACCOUNT. BUT YOU 🫵🏽🫵🏽 she is my soul sister. we are twins. we text occasionally on instagram and let me tell you, our mind length is like- WE SEE EACH OTHER. anyways, she is my bestie, my pookie. nini is so fucking hilarious too like her sense of humor >>>>. ITS EVERYTHING. me and nini be talking to each other like we have known each other since the 2nd grade 😭😭. ANYWAYS, nini is such a character. she is always so bright but when it comes to mingyu- a whole lecture on why he is the best boyfriend. but she is so real on that so-
@mesanthropi : obv I'm not about to forget about you weiss. you see, me and weiss have a special bond. we met and decided to do a collab all in the same day. we are just built different. we are an inseparable duo that talks, doesn't talk for like weeks, and start back talking as if nothing happens. WE ARE JUST LIKE THAT. anyways me and weiss are literally besties. minecraft besties. simp besties. you name it. I MISS YOU SO MUCH MY POOKIE WOOKIE. everyday without you is like a crack in my heart 🖤🖤🖤🖤
@slytherinshua : AAAAAAAAAAAA. we were still learning about each other as well but you are such a cutie patootie love :((. hopefully soon we can get to know each other more <33
@wonwoonlight @wqnwoos @idubiluv @i43shuji @odxrilove @hannyoontify @haowrld @luvhyun3 @blue-jisungs are a few extra moots which I have either just now started to talk to or was terrified to DM. either way, you guys made this year 10× amazing.
for my followers in general, thank you all so much for sticking with me. I started this account in the middle of last year but "rebranded" this year. which was kinda a mistake considering how 2023 wasn't my year (minus the concerts I've been too). but you guys made me so much more confident in writing and taught me so much in ways that did not had to be verbally spoken. I love you guys so much. everyday I come on here, I always think about how you guys are and how lucky I am to have such amazing people on here. as the days go by, I always try to remind myself that me writing is a hobby and not a competition and I have learned that very quickly with the help of you and all of my wonderful moots. once again, I want to thank all of you for racing with me to the end of this year despite all of the long-lasting breaks I have took for my mental health, thank you for simping with me, thank you for loving my way of art and expression because you do not understand... a simple reblog, a single viewer that scans our stories means so much to a writer. especially on an app where writing stories isn't the main feature. I have made accomplishments this year with my stories and my writing style but my biggest accomplishments yet was having such a wonderful audience, a loving group of moots and the sweet words you guys put in the tags. I am not going to make this very long for I have things to do going forward to the new year but... I cannot express how grateful I am for you. every single one of you.
cheers to the new year loves!!
2024, please be better for me and every other person that had to endure so many hardships this year. if not, make at least one moment where they can remember that bad things do not last forever <3
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Text
Several Sentences Sunday
Fanonwriter2023 on AO3
Where CANON and FANON collide!
This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!
Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”
Chapter 20 was made available on AO3 yesterday.
Chapter 21 will be posted soon.
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Currently 20 chapters completed: 757.3K Words; Rated: Mature
One chapter will be posted at a time.
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I'm excited to finish writing Chapter 21 because there are only 7 days left until Buck and Eddie get married.
For anyone who hasn't read Chapter 20, here's a brief overview: Eddie completed his Paramedic Certification Course and he started planning a surprise for their wedding evening, night and the morning after. Buck asked his bio dad if they could meet in-person while they're in London. Eddie and Buck had an important early morning conversation about the way they'll make decisions for their family. They went to the Italian Consulate in Los Angeles with their two witnesses and now they have all the legalized documents they'll need to get married in Rome. Also, they tied up a lot of loose ends by verifying their 'To Do' Lists along with reviewing all of their documents.
Buck and Eddie will tie the knot before Christmas 2023 but they are NOT getting married in the U.S. and they won't have a wedding ceremony until May 2024. They've revealed their relationship, their engagement and the fact that they're going to Europe to their found family during the 118's Thanksgiving dinner (Chapter 17), to Eddie's parents, his sisters, his abuela and Tia Pepa (Chapter 18) and Buck told the Buckley parents he's getting married and that he has a son (Chapter 19). Only three people know they're getting married in 7 days and they are Chris, Carla and Malone. They told Carla and Malone (Chapter 19) because they asked them to be their witnesses at the Italian Consulate and they told Chris (Chapter 20) that evening after they got the "Atto Notorio" (Declaration) signed but no one else knows.
Now that Buck and Eddie have their signed Declaration and everything else is in place, will they be able to leave Los Angeles Friday afternoon headed to Rome, Italy without anyone else finding out they're getting married in Chapter 21?
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Here's a snippet from Chapter 21 of Protective Eddie taking care of his fiancé Buck.
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Buck’s staring straight ahead, he’s holding his breath and he hasn’t inhaled or exhaled in more than 20 seconds.  In his mind, he knows he’s supposed to be breathing automatically but he can’t and he’s not sure how to make his mind and body do what they’re supposed to do without him thinking about it.
Since Eddie hasn’t taken his eyes off him, he can tell he might be entering a state of shock.  He knows how long he’s been staring off into the distance along with the number of seconds that have passed since he stopped breathing because he’s been counting.  Once he reached 12 seconds, he started to worry because he knows if Buck doesn’t start breathing soon, he’ll decrease oxygen to his brain which could lead to him fainting or having a seizure.  It usually takes a minute or two for someone not breathing to faint but he’s not going to let that happen.
They’re still holding hands and he’s still counting but when he reaches 20 seconds, he releases Buck’s hand, moves off the couch, gets on his knees right in front of him so he’s in his direct line of sight.  He lifts his hands, cups both of Buck’s cheeks and searches his eyes to see if he can get him to look at him.
He doesn’t want to startle him, so he gently rubs his thumbs across both of his cheeks and says, "My love, I need you to breathe!"
Within a millisecond, Buck’s eyes meet his but he still hasn’t inhaled or exhaled yet, so Eddie gently asks, "Babe, I need you to inhale and exhale with me.  Can you do that?"
What happened to cause Buck to enter a slight state of shock and stop breathing? 👀
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This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!
Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.
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Chapter Summaries
Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.
Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.
Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.
Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.
Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.
Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.
Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.
Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.
Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.
Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.
Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.
Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.
Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.
Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?
Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.
Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.
Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.
Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.
Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.
Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?
Chapter 21 - Will be posted soon.
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Read chapters 1-20 are available on AO3.
Continue reading on AO3
Chapter 21 will be posted soon.
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