#id be lying if i said it didnt make me a little sad but i dont feel like appealing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wisepidgeon · 5 months

Text

up and down

i woke up yesterday sad but i was alright but today i woke up and suicidal and that sucks because i know that its gonna be ok but my brain doesnt think so the doubt says no its not gonna be ok you gotta just give up and honestly its tempting but i know im on the right path because even tho i dont see it my family all say that i am i think im just hurting alot

let me tell you about my ex we will call her red as that was the color of half her hair when we met

red and i met on the last day of school like after we had walked the stage and everything i saw her on the graduation practice and told myself if i saw her i would say something to her she was way out of my league i had thought at the time a beautiful girl who had a get scared shirt on and low and behold i got the chance when i had to go into the office to grab something she was there so i stood there and talked to her for a minute i told her that her shirt was really cool and i had used to listen to the and then i saw her mcr backpack and said i liked them too we exchanged names and this was new for me but i remembered her name for a few days afterward and in that time i had

something strange about her is that in the short conversation we had it triggered some painful memories like ptsd almost thats the best way i could describe it

a friend saying that someone on his Instagram was looking for me and that he didnt know her very well and i was like oh no is it that one crazy chick who i pissed off because i had done that recently but no it was red and so i looked red up on instagram it wasnt easy but i did it and i gave her a friend request and sent a selfie with a message somewhere along the line of i dont know if your the person i think you are but if you are you should remember my name "bird" not my name but yeah

she did but the selfie didnt go through so we decided to meet at a park i knew was around but had never been too we talked and hung out for a while we listened to music and she showed me leave me alone by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME who i had never listened to before and i thought it was her way of telling me to fuck off because ive been broken up with in a similar way

after that we had talked for a while gotten to know each other better and she ended up taking my virginity and we got together a little while later then after about a week after that she cheated on my with her ex it was alot more complicated than that but its fair to put it that way i wanted her but was scared to lose her and she wasnt over him and in a way i had let it happen although she broke the rules an so her and i agree it was cheating and she kept at it telling me that the she wasnt willing to give him up for me i never forgave her for this but i was too scared to leave her behind and we had a consert to go to in a month or two in texas so i tried but i never did trust her after that

i wanted to oh gods i wanted to i gave her a lot of chances to gain my trust back but as i grew angrier and more depressed by the situation i became the problem and i started lying to her and being manipulative toward her honestly there was no love on my end at that point but the sex was nice and i was scared to be alone and im a selfish cunt so yeah

i ended making her stop talking with him on a technicality of a deal we had made that if there was anything i didnt know past present or future that had bee sexual with her ex from after the time of her and i getting together that she would have to block her and never talk to him again i was angry when i looked through her phone and found that she had sent him and i the same nudes and that was the first id ever been sent nudes before and it hurt well nude by someone i had known at least but i think thats why i never cared when she did it later in life anyway she had a panic attack about it but ended up giving him up and keeping me which i made very clear was her choice that night she could have me or she could have him it was up to her

later on i was mad at my mom and my family in general so i made up a story about me being kicked out of the house and asked her for help she helped me out gave me a place to stay in her moms car her apartment was full like 4 kids 5 adults in a two bedroom her brother had moved in and it was bad over all but i made the best of it

i was eventually made to move out and so i called my mom and worked on stuff with my mom because i had damaged that relationship but red was no longer allowed in my room because my mom said so i at this point didnt know what to do i started to love her again but i was still very much hurt over the entire situation with her ex a while back i still havent gottent over in properly in almost three years although i can say i dont think she has ever cheated on me

i got an apartment and moved in with her and that was really fun at first we lived there for 11 months the complex was doing renovations so they gave us the option when i told them i was gonna struggle with the last months rent i had been getting help from an charatable organization but we didnt really take care of the place and we didnt wanna work so it was hard we grew angery with each other and my lying about alot of my problems like porn addiction became a real problem one i still deal with but its been easier now i think

we had really high good times and really low bad ones and i was always scared of being hurt again i felt like she had never appologied enough for what she had done and i had never been ready to listen to her and so we just hurt each other over and over again

those 11 months ended and we went back to her moms place where there was now 1 adult living there 3 including us but it was no easier her mom is the kind of person who has alot of things she wants dont and feels like its owed to her that those things are done for her she is also someone who manipulates her daughter into feeling sorry for her and staying around i would know i dont really have room to speak on that one

i had a few jobs in and out of work but it was always short i never could find something i liked but i needed to pay her mom some money every month eventually tho the endless stress of being there got to both of us we i asked her if she thought being with me was worth it she said no which broke my heart because i loved her even if all we did was argue and fight i still loved her and wanted her i just couldnt deal with everything that was going on at that point so we broke up and i still hate myself for pushing her away like i did

i moved out a little while later we kept in touch i was angry but i still love her and wanted her back she told me she fucked someone else about a week after we had broken up and i thought that was funny she fucked someone else in one week after we had gotten together and one week after we had broken up seems like a pattern to me but what do i know

anyway her and i started talking and having sex again and i told her i wanted her back this was a few days ago and she said thats no chance and you should just give up and thats why i am currently sucidal i think because i have to give up on someone that i love i have to let them go and i have to move on and im not ready i dont want to and it hurts i wanted to learn to grow with her not with out her i wanted to marry this girl i still do really i still love her and im not ok and thats ok it has to be ok because if its not then im lost and dont think ill ever be found again im crying while writing this which sucks alot theres a part of me that never wants to feel this pain ever again but thats the part of me who got us here in the first place isnt it

if i could do it all over again i would still be a virgin and we would have stopped being friend after i asked her out and she said yes and when i asked her if the meant she would stop fucking her ex and she "said do i have to?" it would have ended there because honestly that should be the end point of any relationship

alright you fucking babys stop crying already thats my job xoxo stay safe live fast but die old and gray

#mental health #healing #self reflection #self hate #growth #tw: suicidal thoughts #im the bad guy #im hurtin

0 notes

billyiswriting · 7 months

Text

Take a step back and think, you said. Just really take a moment and think about what youve done to me , you said. I have and quite frankly i think youre talking out of your arse. Ive been a dick on occasion, and yes: far too often at that. Ive been mean and ive asked too much of you. That is true and I will truly never forgive myself. But when i wasnt that person, which you choose to forget was most of the time, I gave you fucking everything. I stayed up countless nights with you to talk you through your worst moments, to hold your hand when you were too sad to think straight and hug you when you needed it. I listened. I really fucking listened. I gave you all of my time and I constantly asked you to communicate when you wanted space. And even when I fucked up then, we talked honestly and openly and I took your criticism and did everything I could to work on it. I was constantly growing and changing for you, each and every day doing what I knew how to be better. Was it good enough? Probably not. Do i mind that I did that? No. Because you genuinely made me want to be better. And i still do. And you still do. We were side by side every minute for months and i trusted you completely. Even when I had my doubts, and especially when i shouldnt have. I fucked up a lot and I have so much to work on. But you are a bloody fool if you think you didnt fuck up just as much as I did. You took me for granted. You focused only on my mistakes and ignored all the good i did for you. You betrayed me. You killed me. You saved me. You werent just the love of my life. You were my best friend. You were my closest confidant. And you know what? Even after all this, Id still have you back in my life in a heartbeat. Even when I know I shouldnt. Youre not a bad person. Youre deeply fucking flawed, like the rest of us. But admit it. Actually admit it. Dont be a fucking idiot and dive in to another relationship, and dont say thats not what youre doing. We both know you are. You need to learn to be alone. Youve been fucked over and hurt too much. Fucking own it already. Im gonna do everything I can to make me better. Stop rolling your eyes at me and own the fuck up. You need to fix yourself just as much as I do. No matter how much you hurt me, which believe me is a lot, I still truly believe youre the love of my life. And the crazy thing is, no matter how much you tell yourself you dont believe in that. No matter how much you dont want to believe in it. Something tells me you know it too. Dont lie to yourself and pretend that most of the time we spent together wasnt fucking magical. You know it was. You know we have something unique and special and completely fucking volatile. It can be toxic and harmful and so far it bloody has been. But you know as well as I that if what we have is experienced by two people who have matured enough to handle it, we would be the greatest in the goddamn fucking world. We have a spark. Its gone out. It can come back. This is the end I guess, of my rambling little soliloquy. Im at rock bottom. I cant even cry anymore. Youve completely and utterly broken me. Now i suppose its time to put myself back together. All I ask is that you have the decency to stop lying to yourself about who I really was. Always and Forever, Hannah.

#creative writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writing #writers and poets

0 notes

falleneunoia · 2 years

Text

JURASSIC WORLD: CAMP CRETACEOUS (S4) SPOILERS AHEAD

havent been feeling well lately so i watched season four of camp cretaceous (a show i love) and uhh..

well okay. my opinion isnt so important that i NEEDED to make a post, but i feel like people might agree with me- and itd be nice to know if people feel the same way i do.

about brooklynn and kenji...

im sort of bummed out. and it isnt just because i ship dinostar and benji. though id be lying if i said it didn't contribute to my feelings about the ship, i dont want this to just be me yelling about those two ships here.

when i started this season (season 4) i was wondering why everything felt kind of dry. ironic, because they were all on a boat. but especially with kenji and brooklyn talking to eachother, it felt stiff and a bit awkward.

you know why i think this is? they had little ROMANTIC buildup. he flirted with her once three seasons ago and then stopped after she shut him down. and yes, they hung out with eachother alone a few times as the show went on, especially in season 3, but heres the thing-

i couldnt sense any romance from those scenes at all and it felt like basic friendship development( like yaz and kenji had, or darius and yasmina, or sammy and darius)

so if i couldnt pick it up, i doubt others did too. it wasnt anything like yaz and sammy, growing to love eachother over the course of four seasons and doing anything to help eachother

or darius and brooklynn, always being on the same brainwave and working well with eachother, devising plans together and knowing eachother exceptionally well

or even ben and kenji, who lacked content in season 3, but had so much potential- theres the way that KENJI was the one to keep bens fanny pack on him, the way that kenji constantly dozed off thinking about ben and had to be snapped out of it, and ben could have learned about how much kenji had missed him, more than the others seemed to, and that could have developed from there- but i wont go into these ships more. i can always make a different post.

my point is, kenji and brooklyn didnt seem like anything special and i could never have guessed that they would end up with eachother.

im still going to keep an open mind. if they make a 5th season, i actually encourage the writers to show me more brooklyn x kenji.. as long as its in a way that makes sense. and maybe we can learn when and how they started to like eachother, and you know what? maybe ill like it eventually.

for now though, im just upset. along with the lack of significant buildup, and barely any hints that they felt that way for eachother, im also sad that kenjis arc from the last season was basically ruined.

instead of him growing to care about his friends and him being mad at darius for putting any of their lives at stake just for dinosaurs, which would have been such good development for him, he got mad at darius because he (kenji) had a crush on brooklyn.

like... hello? if it wasnt brooklyn that was in danger, would he have not snapped at darius like that? or even cared as much? is that what this is saying? what if it was like.. sammy or something instead? would he have been LESS mad about darius' choice? with that in mind, i believe now that kenjis recent development has been erased.

i dont hate brooklyn x kenji , i just wish it was executed a little better if it HAD to be a ship at all. thats all. of course i would have liked my other ships to be canon this season, and i feel like they would have made more sense- but i dont want to be horrible about it, i just wanted to explain why i dont like this ship that much.

ship what you want, i dont know. its fine. this season was pretty good if you look at the main story and not the romance subplot. i still want a fifth season. three cheers for awesome dinosaurs and also for dave and roxie lol

#camp cretaceous #jwcc #jwcc season 4 spoilers #also i mention benji yasammy and dinostar/darilynn #but they arent really the focus of this #how is brooklyns name spelt

32 notes · View notes

platonicavengers · 3 years

Text

headcanons for being the youngest maximoff (part two)

pairings: maximoff twins x sibling!gn!reader && avengers x gn!reader

warnings: spoilers for infinity war + endgame, death, non-descriptive violence, idk

author’s note: IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO COME OUT AAAAAAAA it was supposed to be up a while ago but things got in the way and im so sorry :(

tags: @madamevirgo @euphoniumpets

headcanons under the cut !

after steve broke everyone out of the raft you were all on the run for a while

vision and natasha joined you all at some point, and scott and clint returned home to their families

after a while wanda and vision decided to stay in scotland, leaving you with sam, nat, and steve

you were not a huge fan of the idea of leaving her behind

you had already lost your parents and pietro and even though she wasn’t dead you still wouldn’t be able to see her

but you knew why she did what she did

fast forward a little bit

you find out that tony went missing

and then that wanda and vision are being attacked

so u all fly to scotland to help them

*insert u being a badass and beating the shit out of an alien*

finally reuniting w your sister

there were tears

when you arrived back at the compound it was like a breath of fresh air after so long

it’s a shame you weren’t there under better circumstances

immediately getting upset when you saw the hologram of ross

that motherfucker

anyways

going to wakanda was an.... interesting experience

you wanted to enjoy it

but considering why you were there,,,,,,

it was kinda hard to enjoy it lol

wanda ofc stayed up in the lab with vision and shuri

she wanted you to stay up there as well so she could keep an eye on you

she was very hesitant to let you go into the front lines of the battle

even though you were an adult now you were still her little sibling and she was worried for you

you assured her that you would be fine though

fine might be pushing it but

let’s be realistic here

you kicked some alien ass down there

taking out enemy after enemy with no hesitation

pretty impressive tbh. ur fucking awesome

ily

anyways

eventually wanda came down to join the battle

the two of you fought alongside each other

badass sibling duo ugh yes

but then

you had to go against thanos himself

ugly ass mf

you tried to use your magic to remove his gauntlet

you were unsuccessful

he kinda tossed you to the side like a rag doll

which hurt like a bitch

when he snapped you had no idea what tf to do

i mean you had just lost, what were you supposed to do?

you were in the middle of crawling over to wanda, wanting to try to comfort her over the loss of vision

but then she just kinda, disintegrated?

you were in shock for a minute

but then it hit you

“no, no, no, no, no...”

you started sobbing

now you had officially lost your whole family

after a little bit you made your way over to what was left of the team

you all kinda stood in silence for a little while, just processing everything that had happened

eventually you all returned to the quinjet and flew back home

for the first two-ish weeks after the snap you just locked yourself in your room and refused to leave

though eventually you did leave your room again, though very reluctantly

after three weeks had passed by carol, who you were quite fascinated by, returned to the compound carrying a spaceship with her

turns out tony was on said ship

you were glad to see him after so long

and now we jump to going to space to beat thanos’ ass (a g a i n)

you had never been to space before so it was quite a new experience

shame it was under such poor circumstances

when you arrived at thanos’ residence you were out for blood

he took your last remaining family and you were not in the mood to let him get away with it

and then you found out the stones were gone

and everything he had done couldn’t or so you thought be reversed

you were already ready to kill thanos before, but especially now that that was revealed

sadly though, thor took the responsibility of killing the titan himself

*5 years later*

you were 23 now

a whole ass adult

you still lived at the compound with natasha, not exactly having anywhere else to go

not like you would’ve left anyways but

nat had become your sort of support system over the last few years

after all, at this point you really only had each other

all of the rest of the remaining team went their separate ways, none of which deciding to stay with the two of you

one day though steve comes by

you were glad to see him, you had missed him a lot since he left

the three of you had a not-so-positive conversation and then out of nowhere scott appears at the front gate

he tells you his insane idea of using the quantum realm to time travel back to before thanos

you were very wary

you didn’t exactly have a lot of knowledge on the quantum realm but you could still tell that it seemed risky

the four of you went to tony’s house to try to convince him

he almost immediately said no

yikes

you all tried to convince him but to no avail

so you went to bruce hulk instead

bruce?? hulk?? who tf is he tbh

but anywho

when you saw him you were kinda like ????????

but chose to ignore it

you got him to agree to the time travel thing

and it was ?somewhat? successful

somewhat is pushing it tbh

scott became a baby which wasn’t great

but then tony showed up and fixed it like the genius he is

you helped recruit all the remaining avengers to help w the whole time travel thing

you were going to go back in time and get the stones before thanos could

you went with clint and natasha to vormir

you thought it made the most sense for you to sacrifice yourself

after all you weren’t even positive this whole thing with the stones would work, and you couldn’t risk continuing to live a life without wanda and the rest of the team

they stopped you before you could jump though

when natasha dropped you swore your heart stopped beating

she had been all you had for the past 5 years and then she was just gone

you ended up getting the soul stone but at what cost

you and clint returned to the compound and there was a small ‘memorial’ (for lack of a better word) for natasha

after that tony put all of the stones together into a makeshift gauntlet

after a little bit of deliberation it was decided that bruce would be the one to snap his fingers

bruce, hulk, whatever tf

brulk

LMFAO

sorry back to the headcanons LOL

he snapped

immediately everything felt different

you went out to look out a window, seeing a few butterflies fluttering around that you knew weren’t there before

a smile immediately took over ur face

“hey guys, i think it worked!” - you

you were about to turn around and walk back to everyone else

but then

you saw a large ship in the distance

and something began flying toward the compound

and then everything went dark

when you woke up again you were buried under a bunch of rubble

which bruce picked up off of you

you ran out to where thor, tony, and steve were

you saw thanos and froze

they were engaged in a battle and you tried to keep your distance in order to collect yourself for a moment

which proved to be futile because you were dragged into the fight not long after

you kinda got your ass handed to you

it wasn’t pretty

you were lying on the ground when all of a sudden you saw orange light surrounding you

you looked up to see portals opening, all your allies who you had thought to be dead stepping out

you saw wanda and you stopped breathing for a moment

you got up as quick as you could

which proved to be difficult due to ur injuries and overall extreme fatigue

you launched yourself at her, bringing her into the tightest hug you could muster

the two of you held onto each other for a moment before you had to return to fighting

maximoff sibling teamup part 2???? yeah most definitely

fast forward to after thanos and his bitch ass army lost (im sorry i just really dont have the energy to write all that rn)

and to after tony’s funeral

you and wanda had a l o t of catching up to do

5 years worth LOL

u had to comfort her over vision’s death a lot

considering that to her, that was still only a couple days ago

and a lot of the time when you two talked the mood was kinda depressing, all things considered

but you still tried to keep it lighthearted

for example

your absolute favorite thing in the world was the fact that you were now older than her due to the snap, 3 years older to be exact

you held it over her all the time, constantly making fun of her for it

all in good fun of course

something wanda really loved was when you would tell her stories from when she was in the soul world (only happy ones ofc)

though it made her sad that you had to go so long without her, and she missed out on so much

she wanted to know what she had missed

all in all

you two were incredibly close, the snap and its aftermath only further confirming that

sibling goals tbh

a/n #2: aaaaaa im sorry to end it on that note (i didnt know how to end it im sorry asf) but yeah </3 and once again, so sorry this took me so long to post, ive been super busy with school && life in general so i just havent gotten around to it :( butttttttttttt if u guys want i could try to continue this series of headcanons for wandavision?? i’d wait until friday ofc for the final episode and id spoiler tag it and everything but i could try my best? might be kinda difficult but i think it could be fun so if anyone wants that then lmk!! :)

#avengers x reader #platonic avengers #avengers imagine #avengers fanfiction #avengers x platonic!reader #mcu #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #my writing #wanda maximoff x reader

145 notes · View notes

zontiky · 3 years

Text

okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry.

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

#didnt proofread this at all 💀 fhsdfks #tua #the umbrella academy #pls dont let this flop i spent like an hour on it hfjksd #aus #team zero #ben hargreeves #wip #I GUESS #misc #ghosting au

25 notes · View notes

crystallic-moon · 3 years

Text

I’m reading Blood Like Magic so here’s my live comments

There will 100% be spoilers

Is she sitting in a pool of blood?

A lot of blood.

Ok but the whole Voya not being able to make a decision thing is exactly like me.

Fuck Uncle Cathius.

“And so humble” I LOVE KEIS BEING ABLE TO HEAR HER THOUGHTS

Wait- Alex’s bleeding came from her eyes and ears, but it was said that that’s how it is for the guys since they don’t have a period. Soo.. is Alex trans?

ALEX IS TRANS I LOVE THE REPRESENTATION

Aww i love what Voya’s mom said to her when Voya was becoming insecure about her hips.

Luc may be mean but he sounds hot ;-;

Holy shit- Mama Jova’s scars— my heart hurts for what she had to go through

Holy shit I think we’re watching how Mama Jova died

The year 2049, I’d be 44 years old in this story

Nooo Eden 🥺

Ok but maybe Mama Jova didn’t mean kill him? But also I get why she’d want bloodshed because of the way she died...

Voya just exposed Luc :0

Omg why am I starting to like Luc

I’m a Luc simp but I shouldn’t be

I suck at remembering to write in this. This whole mystery with Auntie Elaine is confusing.

I also loved that scene at the Night Market where Luc gave her a temporary tattoo. It felt like their first real raw bonding moment.

I wonder if Lucs secretly a witch. Like what if he is but he doesn’t know about it.

Aww Luc called over Voya while he was workinggg she’s growing on him.

LMAO DENNIS BEING LIKE HOW TF DID U GET LIC TO TALK TO YOU

Priya holding Edens hand hurts because she’s probably scared it may be the last time she might get to.

AHAH- LUCS LIKE U SURE UR MOM WOULD LET U HAVE A BOY IN UR ROOM, AND VOYA FREEZES AND HES LIKE DIDNT THINK ABOUT THAT DID U

Why was that cute omg

Oh they’re definitely starting to like each other

*clears throat* Lucs letting her get into his personal space

Justin did something to Elaine I know it.

I think Elaine had something to do with Justin discovering the genetic modification thing.

I like Luc and Alex kinda bonding over both being trans.

Are they really talking about her when they know she’s in the house or near it?? Y’all are witches I’d assume you’d be a bit smarter about this.

Omg he went after her crying, my heart.

HE OFFERED TO HUG HER

AWW HES SO AWKWARD IT HURTS

Dammit she has to kill him.

“‘I think you make him flustered.’” MHM YES SHE DOES

I feel so bad for Alex she didn’t deserve to find out that way.

I don’t know if I love or hate that Voya said yes to dinner.

“Every day, more and more cracks in our family get exposed” - my theory is that the whole ‘destroy your first love’ thing is about her family. Voya’s family is her first love and the has to destroy its secrets.

Can we not kill Luc please

Oh shit she killed Juras-

Oh he survived

*cough* they definitely like each other

Man, fuck Justin.

YES GO BE SPONTANEOUS

Peptalkpeptalkpeptalk

“If I give it back, what excuse will I have to keep inviting you places to return it?” STOP HES SO CUTE

I really love the representation of both Luc and Alex being trans. And Keisha being a lesbian.

He’s definitely given her profile more than a ‘glance’

I know I’ve said it before. And it’s probably getting repetitive. But I love the trans representation in Luc.

I feel like Luc is being more soft with Voya, when Voya was like examining his body cuz he told her about how often he eats, he awkwardly was like could u not examine my body. But like with other ppl I feel like he wouldn’t been more snappy with it, cuz as we’ve seen he’s not afraid to be a little mean.

Honestly I get Lucs thing about speaking Spanish to his family and being told he has an accent every time. Happens to me a lot, it’s irritating but I try.

Yes u like him and he likes u it’s so obvious now kiss.

THEY KISSED OMG

They are so adorable please don’t make her kill him.

I am so worried about her watching this.

JOHAN OMG

stop the man was wipping them like how Mama Jova died is that meant to be a sign???

Luc came to see her???

Okay okay but how tf is she supposed to explain to Luc that she got whipped by a magical man or whatever that wat because she wanted to watch a ritual so she could prepare to kill him?? - not even the killing him part, how is she supposed to explain the some magic dude whipped me part?!

No it’s a vision girl don’t believe it.

ITS A VISION STOP IT.

Omg can this girl catch a break she just got badly injured and almost died she doesn’t need this.

WAIT LUC WAS ACTUALLY THERE

WAIT THE THING SHE SAID IN HER VISION DID SHE SAY THEM OUTLOUD?!

CUZ IF SHE DID SHE MENTIONED HURTING JURAS SO LUC WOULD KNOW SHE DID SOMETHING TO JURAS.

NOOOO

I’m upset.

Watching Voya and her dad bind is bittersweet cuz I know he still hurt her despite this bonding moment.

Mama Jova better have a good ass lesson to teach Voya with this task cuz girl is going through it.

I want to see Luc again.

I am so anxious to keep reading cuz I genuinely don’t know what’s going to happen.

I feel like Lucs gonna show up to her cooking competition especially since he can easily find her location.

I WAS RIGHT HE SHOWED UP

Fuck Justin man.

At least he’s the successor

Ok I get Voya wanting to be honest but why would admit that he still considering killing him ;-; for all you know he could be recording this and take it to the cops.

“Are you breaking up with me?” STOP STOP RIGHT NOW

I hate that he blocked her but like -he has a very very valid reason. Surprised he didn’t get a whole restraining order.

Wait wait since Voya broke the circle when they were casting the spell to protect caribana that means there will be no protection and that has to mean something??

I’m betting that something bads gonna happen at the Caribana

I feel like her mom told her until to stay until they got back for a good reason

YAY SHE PASSED BUT WAT DID SHE ASK FOR

Omg I thought Voya got shot—

Ok yes technically Voyas partially to blame for breaking the circle but it’s not entirely her fault

No no no u could’ve just gotten rid of her internship or something but trap her in the house forever? Sorry girl I wouldn’t forgive u either.

I like that Lucs back but it hurts

Holy shit things have gone very south

Ofc he was gonna trap u in glass cage with Eden what did u expect Luc ;-;

Mf I swear to fucking god if u kill granny

Aww Luc and Voyas little moment through the glass. I can tell he feels guilty and still loves her...

He’s still trying to protect her.

Oh shit he’s known since before Luc and Voya even met

They’re not a legitimate genetic match-

THEY STILL FELL FOR EACH OTHER WHO CARES.

I like Voyas thing about him thinking what he had with Elaine was love, because wat they had wasn’t love if he expected her to do anything he asked just because she loved him.

Granny to the rescue

Granny is not to the rescue.

Yes Luc he’s a lying cheat.

Please I thought Luc was destined to die, not Granny 🥺

“Who will by my grandma is she’s gone?” STOP IT RIGHT NOW

“Does it also not matter that I can’t even have a conversation with my parents without arguing? That I’ve forgotten how to speak my own language because you told me it wasn’t important? If the outcome of good, are the consequences irrelevant?” STOP LUC MY BABY DOESNT DESERVE THIS.

Stop that actually hurts cuz Luc sees how great of a relationship Voya has with her family and he’s just there without a relationship with them besides shared genes.

Yes Luc argue with the asshole.

Even tho u were once an asshole.

Edennn 🥺

Omg u love Luc fighting for them

Like I love how Luc fought for Justin to let Granny hug her granddaughter goodbye. It shows he cares and how this really does hurt him especially the way Voya described him wiping away his tears and screaming.

“Granny puts Eden back down on the chair and pauses to stare at Luc. ‘Thank you. ‘Please don’t,’ Luc croaks. ‘Too bad. I already thanked you.’” - Luc probably feels like this is his fault, that’s why he doesn’t want Granny to thank him.

:0 granny was the one who saved Luc from Voya stabbing him in her vision.

I like that Granny respected Voyas wishes of not killing him by saving him herself.

Keis is eternally trapped in the house for nothing.

Seriously.

I mean I’m glad Eden was saved by that but still.

“Why would you tell me this now? Why would you make me sparked as shit with you right as your about to die?” 🥺

She regrets not trusting Voya 🥺

AWW STOP “That means you can’t die. You have to make it up to me. Borrow someone else’s gift. Fix this.”

Granny was always planning making Voya the matriarch.

STOP SHE WONT GET TO BE A MAMA

Omg omg omg it’s Auntie Elaine.

Wait that’s so smart, turning him into the prototype

Omg her killing his body’s was intense—

“Why couldn’t you listen to me? Why couldn’t you find another way?” Luc still cared about Justin but of course he did, he wasn’t the best but it’s still the man who basically raised him.

Aww he tried to save Eden regardless

Omg she almost collapsed

Oh shit. “It’s the Luc I imagined once he knew the truth. That hateful twist to his mouth and narrowing of his eyes.” He hates her.

Wait that’s so sad, him only having the bionic lenses to remember Justin by.

“‘For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. But don’t forget that we both lost someone today.’ Luc shakes his head. ‘You lost someone. I lost everyone.’” - Stopp that’s so sad. Voya lost her granny but she still has her family, but Luc doesn’t have anyone else. He’s absolutely done with Voya, he doesn’t have any other friends, his sponsee siblings seem to hate him, and he argues with his family. Justin was all he had and now that’s gone too...

Sorry I’m mad a Voya too for trapping Keis in the house.

AWW LUC CHANGED THE CHROMOSOME ID THING

“Alex said that now her ID brings up XX the way it should.” I LOVE IT

“I like to think it’s because he’s better than that.” I think he hasn’t threatened or punished them for what happened because deep down he still wants to protect Voya and he’s aware they did it to save themselves and their family.

Woahhh Justina dads death

“The ancestors must love irony.” 💀

I guess she sort of did listen to Luc cuz she’s interning at Roti Roti for Johan.

I hate that Granny’s gone :(

Voyas showing Rena, Lauren’s mom, how she died 🥺

Wait I love that.

“I bring the intent. They bring the blood. We both pay for the gift of magic.”

This was a good book.

I loved the different genres blended together. I loved the magic side of it, it’s witches, and how they had this whole system with a matriarch, and a whole community. I loved the sci fi parts, with the genetic modification and this huge new company NuGene. I loved loved loved the romance between Voya and Luc and how they didn’t get their traditional happy ever after, and how they also weren’t a legit genetic match but they still fell for each other. And I loved the mystery side with figuring out who Mama Elaine was and what important role she played.

I’ll admit the story felt slow in the beginning and I almost decided to turn around and return it for another book but I’m so glad I didn’t because it was a good and eye catching book. But it does upset me and Keis really got the short end of the stick, she spent the whole book working to get a NuGene internship only to end up trapped in the house by the person who pushed her to get the internship.

This was a good book tho I do recommend.

Also Luc never returned Voyas food container.

4/5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Finished July 15, 2021 at 2pm

6 notes · View notes

deeeelightfuldee · 3 years

Text

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? baking definitely. I want to get more comfortable cooking.

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? yes. I used to be pretty good at doing my brothers hair-- even the fading. But I’m sure I’ve forgotten it all by now.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? probably my sister or my nephews.

How many long term relationships have you been in? blegh. not many. Whenever I’d know that it didnt have long term potential, id drop it. no sense dragging out the inevitable.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? so for the longest time I kept my room super dark. I slept well. once miller died and kile broke my heart, I couldn’t sleep without the tv playing. I needed to hear something calming and voices talking so I wouldn’t be left with my thoughts. I still can’t turn it off.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? i think its easy to say “forgive and forget” but the reality is that once we have endured trauma we don’t easily forget. I think its kind of unrealistic. I’m trying to forgive kile but thats going to take.. i dont know how long. As for what it was... it was just betrayal.. lying. for six+ years. lots of laughing at me.

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I like some of her songs.

Do you know your blood type? o+

Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. its coming up.

Have you ever been pregnant? I dont think so. I was really late after my assault but who knows.

How old were you when you first went on a plane? like 7ish

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Yeah, student loans. 15k feels so daunting right now.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? One is. My mom.

When was the last time you went apple picking? highschool maybe?

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? money.. or a trip.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work? definitely not.

How many bedrooms are in your house? four.

Are you smart about computers? I know some stuff.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? oh heck’n yeah

Do you own a Xbox 360? I had one from my brother for a little while but I traded it for the gamecube since Kile was going to send me one of the 15 he had lol. That didn’t end up happening, but its OK i really dont need more gaming.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? oooooooo.. probably not.

So, do you need a nap? all day is full of naps to try and get over this.

What would you rather be doing? school

What sport are you the best at? maybe volleyball or swimming

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nope, im the baby.

Do you complain a lot? no, i try not to. I find complaining to be the most unattractive and yet common human trait and while there are definitely situations worthy of complaining, most of the time it just makes a situation worse than it actually was.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? temple

Do you like fruity or minty gum? definitely minty

Are you looking forward to any day of this month? i was really looking forward to Kile’s birthday on monday, but since we arent talking anymore then there is no joy in that. all the other special dates have been ruined by covid.

Have you ever gotten detention? Nope. homeschoolers and detention arent a thing.

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? oh sure. heartbreak, deaths, assaults, etc.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? no, i can’t be super picky because not every store carries clothing long enough for me.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? i havent got a clue

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I mean I’m very fond of cats & dogs

Ever cried so much you threw up? this is what happened the whole 2-3 weeks following finding out about Kile.

Who is your best guy friend? I suppose now that would be Nathan

What do you two do when you hang out? drives, game nights, get food/drinks, or just talk.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? Her

Do you even like horror movies? not particularly. I’ll watch them if someone else wants to but its not my preference.

Do you live in the country? i live in the suburbs i suppose.

What is your favorite accent? Some southern and British accents. <same ... i have no idea how I made the font like this.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? Not that I can think of.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? diet coke

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? my family celebrated during the day and then I think nathan took me out on the town

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? nope.

Do you take a lot of pictures? man. this question is hard. I used to love taking pictures of myself. I had much more self confidence and some of it was because kile LOVED my selfies -- or so he said. and I just had so much fun doing that. Since the heartbreak, I’ve maybe taken 10 selfies. I just don’t have any self confidence in my looks anymore. its so different now. most of my pictures now are of other people or scenery.

What kind of face wash do you use? cerave when I want to. otherwise i use water and a very particular type of fabric.

Does drama always seem to follow you? No, i dont think so.

Does anybody in your family race? like cars? running? no.

Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” I think i got it like 2x and it was a dollar.

Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.

Do you like your parents? i love my mom.

Do you secretly like someone? No.

Would you ever date your best male friend? I don’t see any romantic feelings developing between nathan and I

What are you currently listening to? I have gilmore girls on.

Do you want to be single? oooof. Um. I am torn on this subject. On the one hand, i really am ready to be loved, held, protected, cared for, etc. I love the idea of building a life together with someone and us both protecting our unit. I miss supporting, cherishing, loving on someone. Yet on the other hand, im fine being single. I have so much insecurity about myself lately that I dk that anyone else needs to deal with that baggage. Idk

Did you go out or stay in last night? I stayed in. ill be staying in for some time.

Have you pretended to like someone? romantically, no. professionally, yes.

How is your heart lately? Sad. heavy.

Are you wearing socks? not at the moment.

What do people call you? Di, diana, dee, ana, di-nan-na, dine-uh, deenah.

Do you get stressed out easily? no, I really dont

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? yes

What is wrong with you right now? im sick. im heartbroken.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? not that I know of. if I do, it’d be from like middle school. I never shopped there but people tended to give gifts from there.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone. maybe I havent found the right sort of person to share a bed with.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Yes, several times.

Did you get any compliments today? No.

Have you ever gone to a beach? many many many times.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? not my thing. at all.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Yes.

Do you have long nails? they are healthy length. I want to grow them out a bit more.

Do you like the gender you are? Yeah.

Do you generally look nice in photos? Not anymore

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? no haha

What colour are your father’s eyes? Blue.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? uhhhhm, blue october

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? maybe not anymore.

What’s your favorite hot beverage? hot chocolate from dunkin

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? i did. no comment.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? oooooohhhhhhhhh man i love both.

Do you think you’re important? I mean i offer some importance to this world but eh.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Hmm no idea.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? no

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? Nope.

What was the first thing you ate today? I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? for the longest time it was to spend the day driving aimlessly and getting food and talking about everything and nothing with Kile. now, its just.. idunno. blank.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? I’m not doing well.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? There’s a few things related to school.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back? not really, no.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? this whole covid nonsense going away, heartbreak to soothe, and my miller back.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? i dont know.

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I just changed it up so itll be a bit.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? Fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ yes. several times.

How many drugs are in your system? lol lots of meds rn to kick this. usually none.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? the same as today.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. i dont like the idea of bite marks but hickeys were fun for a time. in not visible areas tho.

Do you call anyone baby? Not anymore.

What’s your current mood? Bleh.

What were you doing before filling out this survey? Watching gilmore girls

How late did you stay up last night? I took PM meds at i wanna say 8? maybe 7? I don’t remember.

When was the last time you cried really hard? its been a few weeks since ive cried about Kile. I’m in the numb stage.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? hahahahahahah

1 note · View note

autisticangus · 3 years

Text

anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt.

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him.

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident.

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

#angus.txt #getting deep in here but it felt good to write #i love u all so much ok pls be good urselves

10 notes · View notes

huntsman-ash · 3 years

Text

RWBY V8E3 LiveThoughts

Its Saterday and that means its time for everyones favorite post spam; Orca-mun bullshits about RWBY! And here we go.

On a personal note I barely ate anything today so my brain is jittery. I ate something before this of course but one does not solve low-food jitters instantly. So we’ll see how this goes.

Also the more that I hear the opening for this season the more I hear things that I have had Ash say before. “The hope to change the world is just a childish dream”. It comes off in the song as kind of a poke at Ruby and her team, same way as how V3s opening was all about loosing and falling, but here I cant help but hear it in the voice of Ash, caustic and sarcastic, angry at the world for his own issues and putting it onto the “blind, naieve Huntress’s” Ironwood now has his team focused on.

Actually again, a lot of the song is talking about stuff that is probably coming up in the show. “The path we tried to avoid is already here”. “Path home is suddenly clear”. Basically hinting RWBYs going back to Vale at some point. But we knew that already.

And again, the part with time stopping while Cinder walks among the fighting reminds me of a shittier version of the I Know You trailer for Halo Wars 2.

And now the episode actually starts. Apperently, riding the pnumatic tubes does NOT instantly kill you. Im...half dissapointed. At the same time it makes sense, they seem to be fully sealed so.

Doesnt seem like its fun though thats for sure.

Dear Blake; please stop being adorable.

Oh, and we get to see how Penny see’s the world too. Interseting. Wireframe with data...and shes unintentionally doing the Konami Code if Im not mistaken.

Also cool to see that the active camo semblance works exactly like Halo’s active camo, ergo; its bending light, not true invisibility, since you can JUST BARELY see the shimmer where they are.

And this moment is a painting I like to call; Five Lesbians and a Robot in an Elevator. Legit shocked Atlas doesnt have elevator music...

And we finally, FINALLY get some reference on the storm. Shorter Atlas trooper sayd “they cant get too close to that storm without getting shot out of the air”. Okay...so Salem actually has defenses against airships? Couldnt they have SHOWN THAT?

Also, props to the female VA for sounding like AN ACTUAL FUCKING SOLDIER. “CO can get us some answers”...hell yeah. And then Nora’s randomly a dick for...no reason.

Penny’s finger has a scomplink just like in Star Wars.

And they didnt think to remove Peitro’s security clerance, alright then. Someones gonna know they were there though since she used his ID...but maybe thats part of the deal. They get in and get out fast.

Central Command is so dissapointingly small. I HATE IT. ITs two rows of consoles and like...8 dudes. No, wait...three rows? For a place this big it should be six times the size and look more like NASAs mission control.

Nice to have some data on how Ruby’s semblance works though. She apperently breaks herself down to her component molecules and negates her mass and HEY thats how I said Ash moved! DAMMIT RT

Also I guess Remnant follows SOME laws of physics.

NGL Blake is suddenly being a better character now that shes not held down by Yang. Might just be me though.

“Busy” says Ironwood. In my head, the five minutes before this shot; EXECUTIONS EXECUTIONS ALL THE EXECUTIONS. MUCH PURGING, VERY CLEAN NOW.

Oh I LIVE for the sudden look of shock on Watt’s face. Bro KNOWS what Ironwood can do. That said, obviously hes going to turn on him because...duh. Its Watts. But hey, least hes a little afraid. Unless its an act.

His acid snark against Penny is refreshing. “Magic science project” indeed.

Oh, thats why hes so worried. FOUR DUDES AIMING GUNS AT HIM. Nice.

CALLED IT

“Authorization granted to handle any threats with lethal force”. GOOD.

Oh no, Nora’s got an idea now. Im worried.

I get the feeling the random office geek guy that Nora trips is someone from RTs office, hence the “#1 Dad/Dud” mug. Dumb

Home made sign. Really. REALLY. UGH GOD DAMMIT RT.

Funny sign though. Also the scream from the tech is so fake its not even funny

Wow. For fuck sake. Thats how they get through. Seriously.

Seems I paused at the right moment. Blake is very confused about being inside Ruby.

Nice to see that Atlas follows OSHA regulations and has railings on its weird catwalks.

Hardlight forcefield door? Interesting. I guess May went off to steal an airship or something.

Also this is something I JUST remembered but I thought Johanna was the trans member. Actually thats May. So thats my bad.

HAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT MINDJACK!

Why’re there holes on the base of Penny’s gloves...

No logiccal sense to half of Atlas’s tech, glad to see that hasnt changed any.

Blake is me when my dads working at his office and taking way to long to do anything.

Blah blah okay talk less do more shit. Character stuff BORES ME

Hm. Nora speaks the truth.

ANNNNDDD its the Ace Ops. Now lead by Hare. ...no cuffs. No heavy equipment. No gas weaponry. Nothing. They know exactly how strong these people are and instead they show up with ALL OF THEIR OLD STUFF. Are you fucking serious.

STOP TALKING AND JUST KILL THEM ALREADY DAMMIT! Marrows comment is how I feel. But I think hes lying. As does he, I think.

I like how its Vine doing the talking, and that they start by trying to REASON with them. They’re scared. They know they might not win again. They’re taking the cowards root. To no ones fucking shock.

UHHHGGGG all of this fukcing mind shit with Penny is really pissing me off.

Good, now the fighting starts. Thattttss why they;re on the platform.

Hey, actual teamwork out of the Aces, kinda. I guess their boss being dead helped.

Okay seriously how the HELL is she not fighting this easier? Shes a robot, surely she has predictive combat algorithms...

Man Marrows getting SHIT ON this fight.

Mmm. Hare thighs. I like

Weiss says the truth for once

And all the fancy work and fighting is ended simply by a beefy woman grabbing Penny. I like that honestly. Simplicity, brutality.

Wait never mind.

HAHAHAHAH OFF THE Wall and now she flies. No shock.

HAHAHAHAH YES

Good shit. Good work Marrow.

Well that works. JESUS FUCK Nora.

Yow they’re not DEAD. Excuse me

Oh look Nora’s...wow. Cool, scars.

Still mad Pennys swords are on wires, but hell. Wire funnels are wire funnels. Or would those be incoms? I dont quite remember the distinction.

Marrows quiet look is kinda sad. Oh good nora’s not dead.

But they are down a person and...ah. They’re letting them go. Death Star tactic.

New ship design, havent seen this one before. The whole top part opens which is interesting to me. And then she just GONE.

Ah. So thats what they were doing. Cool.

Obviously gonna backfire, but hey, who knows. Maybe RT will surprise us.

Annnddd thats it for the show.

#rwby #rwby v8 #spoilers #rwby spoilers

6 notes · View notes

if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 3 years

Text

Discord pt 97

[Date: 19/03, 05:26 AM GMT - 19/03, 06:01 AM GMT]

[CW: Gun mention]

Little-K1ng: “alright yall, just got home, did maxwell and marcus stop fighting?? i kinda dipped to head to work when they started up...

maxwell? marcus? you guys still up? ....is fetch home yet?”

Maxwell: “Uhhhh....”

Little-K1ng: “oh hi max !!”

Maxwell: “I’m up Marcus is asleep again and fetch got stuck

He said some guys started chasing him and threatened him so he ran and hid in a gas station....”

Little-K1ng: “OH NO

is he okay???

does he need picked up???? is that why he mentioned a gun earlier?????

where is he???????????”

Maxwell: “Yeah we checked he said he’s only got a couple scraps”

Little-K1ng: “oh good okay phew alright

ill catch my breath in a second, as long as hes alright”

Maxwell: “He only said he was at a gas station and the lady there helped him, they’re letting him stay the night...”

Little-K1ng: “letting him stay the night.... okay

good

hes got somewhere warm with food, thats nice”

Maxwell: “Uh...some stuff happened when you left...”

Little-K1ng: “that puts me at ease

oh?

i know you guys were fighting”

Maxwell: “It...might be best to wake up Marcus to help explain...”

Little-K1ng: “oh. okay i can. i can get him up”

Maxwell: “Oh yeah also one thing”

Little-K1ng: “?”

Maxwell: “Before you do it”

Little-K1ng: “yes?”

Maxwell: “Dont...don’t mind the flowers”

Little-K1ng: “th- hhhhhh

hhhuhhh,,,the uh

the flowers

is that

what i think

you mean”

Maxwell: “Yeeeeeah.....”

Little-K1ng: “o-ookay, , ,, ill uh. ill keep calm about it

i wont make a fuss i wont worry him about it

marcus? hey? wake up buddy

Marcus. hey”

Maxwell: “Wake up shithead /lh”

Marcus: “...huh?”

Little-K1ng: “hey wake up, im home”

Marcus: “oh, welcome h..ome”

Little-K1ng: “hey marcus..... morning haha... at uh. the middle of the night

heard theres some stuff you guys wanted to talk about?”

Maxwell: “You doing okay man? You feel asleep not long after....she left”

Marcus: “..wha..?

..oh”

Little-K1ng: “after i left? wow you werent up for long”

Maxwell: “....I’ll get the ice water it’ll wake em up”

Marcus: “no nonono I’m awake”

[Little-K1ng: “after i left? wow you werent up for long”]

Maxwell: “No no...not you”

Little-K1ng: “n..not me?”

Maxwell: “Uh baroness literally walked into the house”

Marcus: “....

..yeah”

Little-K1ng: “shheeeeee WHAt”

Marcus: “ow”

Little-K1ng: “sorry”

Marcus: “Loud noises, just woke up

mona please”

Maxwell: “me and marcus were talking after we made up and she just walked in”

Little-K1ng: “why would she....”

Marcus: “.....to talk to us

About uhh

Taking care of the flowers? Or something”

Maxwell: “yeah cause we cut mine”

Little-K1ng: “ah, to comment on the uh..

yeah those

hm”

Maxwell: “yeah....also she kept calling us viscount and page”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “oh, of course. she sees you as family

and targets”

Maxwell: “I threatened to bite her

and punch her”

Little-K1ng: “oh nice one !!

...dont actually though”

Maxwell: “i didnt...”

Marcus: “..you definitely wanted to”

Little-K1ng: “so uh.... how did that fight sort out between you two? what was it about?”

Maxwell: “but uh marcus started blooming during our argument...before baroness came in and after you left”

Marcus: “........”

Little-K1ng: “if... if you dont mind me asking

oh no”

[Maxwell: “but uh marcus started blooming during our argument...before baroness came in and after you left”]

Little-K1ng: “max, you saw it?”

Marcus: “i-it’s fine Mona”

Little-K1ng: “marcus, are you okay? do you need anything to numb it?”

Marcus: “It doesn’t even hurt”

Little-K1ng: “it-... it doesnt hurt?”

Marcus: “I honestly didn’t know it happened until Max...”

Little-K1ng: “dont lie to me”

Marcus: “I’m not! I wouldn’t!”

Maxwell: “thats the thing, even baroness said it shouldn't hurt”

Little-K1ng: “i really dont want you to lie to me, marcus. i dont know if i could handle that

she said that?”

Maxwell: “or rather it wouldn't hurt if we accepted it....”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “she of all people, ha

if it

oh”

Marcus: “.....”

Little-K1ng: “oh... oh marcus..”

Maxwell: “it would make sense....as to why it hurts me and fetch so much and why...it didnt hurt marcus...”

Marcus: “...I don’t like being sad”

Little-K1ng: “i understand, marcus. i dont begrudge you”

Maxwell: “yeah we....talked and uh cried...a lot, there were many tears”

Marcus: “...thanks Mona”

Little-K1ng: “oh no...... do you feel better?

crying helps

i..... i dont know what to say...

all that.... because she just.... walked in, huh”

Marcus: “We”

Maxwell: “it was before she came in”

Marcus: “We were fighting before she got here”

Maxwell: “after you left

she came in once we stopped crying”

Little-K1ng: “oh i know, i left when it started i just......i didnt think she would just... i... uh.. nevermind”

Marcus: “We made up before she got here”

[Little-K1ng: “oh i know, i left when it started i just......i didnt think she would just... i... uh.. nevermind”]

Marcus: “..huh?

Little-K1ng: “well i just...

i.... i thought about...

i dont know how to put this”

Marcus: “..Mona

Spit it out”

Maxwell: “marcus....”

Marcus: “What?”

Little-K1ng: “i uh..... knew she kind of would........ do something like that?? in... a way?? i suppose i.... i..”

Marcus: “She’s keeping something from us!

You what”

Little-K1ng: “i had... i had a feeling

but i!! look, i...”

Maxwell: “yo calm down marcus!”

Little-K1ng: “i thought she would at least be subtle”

Marcus: “I am calm”

Maxwell: “no you aint”

Marcus: “Mona”

Little-K1ng: “yknow, prowling around in the night going through my sock drawer or something.... not like.... not like that”

Marcus: “You left max vulnerable to her

at night??”

Maxwell: “it's not your fault mona”

Little-K1ng: “look. i!!! i just !!!”

Maxwell: “Marcus”

Marcus: “Did you leave the door unlocked overnight?”

Little-K1ng: “no i...!! i just... i

i didnt want... i”

Maxwell: “if she did it was for fetch!”

Marcus: “he knows how to knock”

[Maxwell: “if she did it was for fetch!”]

Little-K1ng: “hhh... y hhyeah .. ..”

[Marcus: “he knows how to knock”]

Maxwell: “not f we're all asleep

Little-K1ng: “i was.... hhh.. i was worried if he.. if he came home late,, and i didnt hear him,,”

Marcus: “He can knock loudly”

Little-K1ng: “he wouldnt come back

i didnt think ...”

Maxwell: “actually dont think i havent noticed you havent been sleeping at night marcus

everytime i wake up youre awake”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “i go to sleep you're awake

I WAKE UP FROM A NIGHTMARE AND YOU'RE AWAKE”

Little-K1ng: “but.... hes not? hes always asleep when i see him...”

Maxwell: “during the day

you dont sleep at night do you....”

Marcus: “...no, I don’t

Mona

If you thought I was asleep at night

You left the door unlocked knowing that Crown and Baroness were staking us out”

Little-K1ng: “i........

Marcus: “with no one to stop them

...to your knowledge”

Little-K1ng: “i... i didnt think....”

Marcus: “I can see that”

Little-K1ng: “i just thought she would........ do what she was just... already... already doing.....

she was already finding her way in....... snooping through my important stashes...

i really... i rr ea lll y... didnt t hhi nk it wouldd have.e..

been that .... big of a dde a l”

Maxwell: “marcus it isn't her fucking fault”

Marcus: “....no nonono Mona wait no

No nonono please don’t cry

I didn’t

I’m sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i caan nt... i can t beliv e... it wwa ss my f a u lt....”

Maxwell: “....oh no....”

Marcus: “no Mona no”

Little-K1ng: “no no non ono non o no you're right you're right you're right”

Maxwell: “no no no mona hes not”

Marcus: “No I’m wrong Mona I’m wrong

mona please”

Little-K1ng: “it was my fault it was all my fault i ll e f t the ufck ing DOOR UNLOCKED what was i THINKING

I DID IT ON PURPOSE OH MY GOD.....”

Marcus: “-!

Maxwell: “It's not your fault”

Marcus: “mona Im so sorry I didn’t mean it I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry”

Little-K1ng: “no i did i didnt even give it a second thought i-... i knew she would come in, i could even see her outside watching me leave it unlocked

i just.... didnt care. i forgot to care”

Marcus: “I was just upsetthisiswhyihatenegativeemotionsalltheyeverdoishurtpeople”

Little-K1ng: “i fucking DIDNT CARE im so sorry....

i ,.....”

Marcus: “mona Im sorry”

Little-K1ng: “no... i ..... marcus.... your laurel.. would it have... would it have sprouted if i hadnt...?”

Marcus: “...it would have”

Little-K1ng: “i left you two alone in the middle of a fight.... and did nothing”

Marcus: “It didn’t sprout because of Baroness

Mona im so sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i left you two unguarded all night........ and didnt care

no no dont apologize i did this i did it on my own im just....”

Marcus: “we were guarded Mona it’s okay”

Little-K1ng: “you WERENT”

Marcus: “I stay up all night

....I guess

I guess I’m not the best guard though, all things considered”

Little-K1ng: “i didnt know that!!!! i was FULLY PREPARED to leave you both to THE COURT”

Maxwell: “humans arent supposed to be nocturnal”

Marcus: “Heh”

Little-K1ng: “for fuckin DOGBOY TANTRUM ASS

and....[hic] and.... the worst paart??”

Maxwell: “you were worried about fetch i honestly would have done the same”

Little-K1ng: “i.... im not ss oorry .. i dont ffe el like i dd id anytyhing wr ong”

Marcus: “You didnt do anything wrong

I’m so sorry for implying otherwise”

Little-K1ng: “i DID. dont LIE TO ME MARCUS.

but!!! i just!!!!”

Marcus: “I-”

Little-K1ng: “i would do it again. with no hesitation

Marcus: “.....im not lying....”

Little-K1ng: “i was planning to do it again TONIGHT marcus!!!”

Marcus: “..im sorry”

Maxwell: “look some times people do bad things I've done bad shit”

Marcus: “I promise I’m not lying please im sorry”

[Maxwell: “look some times people do bad things I've done bad shit”]

Little-K1ng: “MAXWELL. WHERE AM I RIGHT NOW

IM HERE. AT HOME. IM NOT CURRENT;LY DRIVING TO THE GAS STATION. TO PICK UP FETCH

THE GUY I LEFT YOU TO DIE FOR”

Maxwell: “he wouldnt want you to”

Marcus: “you didn’t leave us to die”

Maxwell: “we can defend ourselves”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “the way i know you? the way i know the court? you may as well be dead when you're them”

Marcus: “..oh

...I see”

Little-K1ng: “i have until tomorrow with you and i dont even have the honest guarantee that ill be left here to grieve, or forced to join you”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “....whats that face for?”

Marcus: “...I’m sorry that my preferred self isn’t good enough for you”

Maxwell: “god how i wish marigolds could help mental wounds”

Little-K1ng: “..........i........

.....marcus...

wait... i...

what... am i doing?

why am i yelling?

i dont do that

i just... im so used to running away from my problems. why am i so angry?

who am i even angry at?

its not even you. its not even me, i dont really feel bad

im not mad at fetch, im rarely mad at crown

what the fuck”

Marcus: “...”

#on:discord #by:maxwell #by:marcus #if the crown fits

1 note · View note

hazbinextgeneration · 3 years

Text

Soup Between Pals

"How could you fucking end up like this!?"

Now some could consider this kind of question to be harsh, but the calmness of the other boy's face chased away any thought of that happening. The vibrant red eyes looked over the state of the pale looking red head lying down on the mattress beside him. He sheepishly smiled and sorta sunk down deeper into the fluffy blankets surrounding him. Even if she didn't have bandages on his forward or pale cheeks he'd still be concerned about him, it was just a habit of his. He couldn't help it.....But he'd never admit to it either. He'd much rather pout and stand there arms crossed glaring at the red headed teen who just smiled back from his position. He always knew Bakugo was one to pretty much yell on first instinct before actually helping. A lot of people saw him as just a bully who never stopped yelling but after knowing him for as long as he did you'd get used to these kind of responses.

"Oh c-c-c'mon, Bakugo," pain exploded from his arm but that didn't stop him from attempting to move his arm towards him, "I-I-I'm ....ok."

The blonde's eyes immediately zeroed in on his arm and his frown on his face instantly became bigger. Kirishima's arm was shaking...BADLY. It was shaking so badly as he reached out towards his friend and his smile on his fanged face hid back pain and tears. He gave a hiss when Bakugo grabbed his arm and maybe a lil harsher than intended, pushed it back onto the bed.

"ARE YOU CRAZY, SPIKE HEAD!?", he yelled at him holding his arm down, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HURTING YOURSELF MORE!?"

"I mean-...It was just a little rain fight," he mumbled looking down.

Bakugo scoffed. "A little? RED!" He gestered to the bed. "You fuckin' got blown away by a dam villain and nearly died!! And all you can say to that is fucking OK?!" Kirishima gave off a nervous chuckle that ending in another round of coughing and Bakugo growling under his breath. "My point proven.....You're not ok."

"I-I...was only trying to help, FatGum. H-He needed time t-t-to blow them away."

The guilt and sad eyes he naturally gave off whenever he thought anyone was upset with him made Bakugo suck in a brief inhale of air. It was hard to be mad at the idiot in general.....but the things he fucking got himself into! He sometimes wondered how he could do these things but he guessed it came from his naturally caring personality and sense of justice. It was both a blessing and a curse. Sucking in a hiss between his teeth, Bakugo sunk down until he was sitting on the bed from Kirishima and stared at him with his famous frown.

"You got a lot of fucking guts and bravery I'll give ya that...but don't forget even rocks can break and be fragile like glass you idiot,'' he mumbled...Bakugo FROZE as something grabbed his hand and it took him a moment to realize he had forgotten he was squeezing Kirishima's arm and hand still. Uh OH! But the red head jus smiled a small smile back and squeezed the hand still squeezing his own.

"Y-Yeah...I-It looks like my unbreakable form wasn't s-s-s-so tough after all." He coughed a few more times and Bakugo just stared at him.

Before pulling his hand away with a growl. "OH! Quite being so sappy dumbass!" To distract himself he bent down by his feet and Kirishima tilted his head at him curiously as he heard the rustling of a plastic bag. "I knew hospital food fucking sucked ass, so I got you somethin' that's gonna make you even more unbreakable!" Leaning back up he held a small plastic containter one would use to store leftover food in the fridge after dinner and a spoon. "Here. I heard soup was supposed to help people recover. I dont care if you like it or not, Im making you eat it!"

"I-I really d-didnt mean to- *cough* get hurt." He attempted to give off a bigger smile which ending in more coughing.

"Yeah..Well you did and now you'll gonna eat those words and this dam soup." He pulled it back when Kirishima moved his arms to take it. "OH NO YOU FUCKING DONT!! You're gonna sit there while I feed ya like the big baby you are!"

Kirishima blinked as Bakugo tore off the lid and wobbled with it over to his face trying not to spill it. "Dude....Seriously?"

"Yeah Im dead fucking serious! If you try hurting yourself while eating what I got ya Ill never for give myself! A real hero has to keep his body in check! Not strain himself until he's broken!" Dipping the spoon in he held it over the bowl and under Kirishima's nose. "HERE! Now eat it before I shove it down your throat!"

It-...It actually smelt REALLY good. He had to look crossed eyed just to see it, but it looked and smelt just like chicken noodle soup! His mouth watered but he was still....unsure as he glanced between it and Bakugo's frown..before experimentally opening his mouth hissing a bit from the pain in his jaws. And true to his word Bakugo shoved the spoonful into his mouth before yanking it back out again. Kiri hummed in bliss. After days of nurses and doctors feeding him mush(with the occasional ice cream or shake snuck in by his BFF Mina or FatGum checking up on him) this warm soup was like a five dollar lobster dinner to a starving man.

"That's delicious. Did you make i-it?," he asked once he swallowed and was met with another spoonful awaiting him.

"Nah. Lunch Rush was serving it today and I snuck some out. I almost got in trouble too! And I could've been caught sneaking it in here. So you BETTER be greatful," he shoved the spoon in again as Kiri went to say something. "And keep the sappy thank yous to yourself dumbass! Don't get the wrong idea! Im only doing this so I can kick your ass later during training! If my rivals are weakened where's the fun in that!?"

Kirishima still smiled at him softly. "Aw. I knew there was a hero in there somewhere. Thanks, Bakugo. Me and my stomach really appreciate this." His smiled widened despite the pain in his jaw. "Id have you save me from bad food anytime."

Bakugo stared at him, a pink to his cheeks-...Before the spoon was just shoved back into his mouth! "I S-SAID DONT BE SAPPY DUMBASS!!"

For @jellori

1 note · View note

parkersvibes · 5 years

Text

finding out peter is spiderman

read part one here

a/n: omg guys. i got so much feedback from you all on part one so i decided to make a part 2. and yeahh i really hope you guys enjoy. if you do lmk and i’ll do a part 3 (:

(i also apologize if the read more doesnt work )))): )

warnings: fluff, a smidge on angst

pt 2. peter parker x stark!reader

• figuring out he was spiderman

• alright you’re a stark

• but no one knows that

• but you’re really intuitive

• so there were little things you started to notice

• after uncle ben died there was some weird shit (if you want a part ab comforting peter ab uncle ben lemme know. he deserves his own part)

• like how he stopped wearing his adorable glasses

•and i guess started almost bulking up????

• he got WAY taller

• and usually you’re used to seeing him shirtless but this one time you walked in on him

• holy mother of god

• IT WAS LIKE HE GREW ABS OVER NIGHT

• BECAUSE FRESHMAN PETE DID NOT HAVE A 6 PACK

• freshman peter also got winded walking up the stairs

• AND NOW HE’S RUNNING LAPS IN GYM LIKE ITS NOTHING ??

• must be nice

• but then things got more sus

• all of a sudden he was skipping class more

• leaving early

• cancelling study sessions and skipping movie nights with ned

• and you and ned were clueless

• you and ned started hanging out more

• MR. LEEDS IS HILARIOUS LEMME TELL YOU

• he was like this little ball of happiness

• you found out his real name is Edward

• HOW CUTE

• and WOW HIS MOM BEING FILIPINA MEANT THAT YOU WERE BEING FED ALL THE TIME OH MY GOD

• ngl pete got a bit jealous

• one night,,, when pete cancelled YET AGAIN

• ned asked you, “hey y/n?”

• “hm”

• “why don’t we ever hang out at your place”

• “i told you ned, my family is just a lot yanno. plus your family and may are really cool”

• “okay but how come you don’t have any social media under your name?”

• “wdym?”

• “like you go by ‘y/n Smith’ but everything that pops up on the internet isn’t YOU”

• “pfff i told you,,, i dont believe in that stuff”

• “y/n, you know you can tell me anything”

• you wanted to be honest. this was one of your best friends. and you’ve been lying to them about your family for over a year now

• “ned i just. it’s complicated”

• “like peter’s family?”

• “nonono, i’m lucky to have both of my parents- well i have a step mom. my real mom wanted nothing to do with me. so she left me on the steps of my dads house. never came back”

• “oh shit bro, i’m sorry”

• “nah don’t worry. my dad is really cool and my step mom... she’s awesome.”

• “what’re their names”

• NATASHA WAS GONNA KILL YOU IF SHE COULD SEE HOW BAD YOU WERE STRUGGLING

• “well- uh- my step moms name is,,, um. well her real name is Virginia”

• THE WORLD KNEW PEPPER AS PEPPER NOT VIRGINIA

• “and my- my dads name is ehm... st, steve???”

• natasha was gonna have your ass

• “y/n,,,”

• “yeah”

• “you’re a horrible liar”

• “PFFF WHAAAT? NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT”

• “dude you left your spiderman fan tumblr open on my laptop that one night,,, and i MAY have done some snooping”

• okay you mightve had a slight obsession with the webslinger. HE WAS COOL. and what better way to keep track of him without alerting your family,,, good ol tumblr

• oh god ned, HOW MUCH SNOOPING”

• “enough to know that you have a weird obsession with that spider guy and that your last name isnt smith”

• so you told him the truth. you were a stark

• and well,,, he reacted with

• “okay cmon,,, don’t lie”

• so you showed him your late night dance parties with Nat when she was feeling goofy

• and your random snaps of steve when he was trying to figure out how to work technology

• videos of you reacting to vines with bucky

(if yall wanna see domestic life with the avengers just lmk)

• which usually results with THE WINTER SOLDIER ALMOST PEEING HIS PANTS. and trying to reenact it with sam or the other avengers

• “heyheyehy y/n guess what?”

• “what bucky?” *is in the middle of doing hw*

• “FRESHOVACADO” *bolts out of the room before you throw something at him*

• only the two of you getting vine and meme references

• (meaning getting in trouble during meetings bc you’ll make eye contact and start laughing)

• OH HIS FAVORITE IS THE “country boiiii, i love you,,, 😛”

• anywaayyy

• ned was SHOOK

• “nowayohmygodyoureanavenger”

• “no ned,,, only when they need me to be”

• *led to him asking 100000 questions*

• “does Mr. America smell like old man”

• “what language does Ms. Widow think in”

• “how many shirts does Mr. Hulk own”

• “so do they wear normal clothes or are they always PREPARED”

• “does your dad have to walk a weird way when hes in his suit”

• “do they ever chafe in their suits”

• “yes ned. we’re stocked up on baby powder”

• which you didnt mind bc it felt nice telling the truth

• ned WANTED TO TELL PETER SO BAD

• “ned no, i don’t want him to think of me differently”

• he understood. but still defended peter and said that hed still treat you the same

• anyway,,, peter started showing up with bruises and stuff which had you v concerned

• “pete what’s up? you’ve been avoiding ned and i and you have skipped out on every movie night since sophomore year started”

• “t’s nothing. dont worry ab it”

• “peter cmon, it’s just me”

• you figured maybe it had to do with ben??? but you gave him his space. you just wanted to be there for him yanno. you didnt want him to shut you out

• “Y/N I SAID ITS NOTHING. FOR FUCKS SAKE CAN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE???” he snapped (and not in the good way)

• and this was on your way to class so the whole hallway heard

• ouch

• so you left him alone. probably more than he meant. but it hurt

• i mean he was your first friend here, and now he yelled at you to leave you alone

• ned felt awful at first. trying to comfort you and tell you it wasnt your fault

• but then he started acting weird. whenever you brought up peter hed be super antsy about it

• you- “i think he got into another fight or something”

• ned- “pFFT PETER? FIGHTING? no way,,, i got-i gotta go”

• so you figured that whatever peter was hiding, ned knew about,, which also hurt your feelings

• so you closed off

• and wow could the super family tell something was wrong

• wanda- “little stark, i can feel your sadness all the way to my room”

• sam/bucky/rhodes- “okay what’s the deal, we’ve played 5 rounds of fortnite and you havent once rage quit even though you’re doing terrible”

• tony- “kid, what’s wrong? everyone here can tell you’re not feeling great”

• nat- “cmon. ive given you 3 opportunities to kick my ass and you havent once complained about me going easy?”

• thor- “lady y/n what is causing you distress? not once have you smiled, i even wore my hair in pigtails,,, and that seems to always do the trick”

• and you gave the same response every time “‘m just tired” “lots of homework”

• they noticed you werent going out on weekends anymore

• so tony figured that your friend group and you were having some Stuff

• pep gave him an idea of meeting his new prodigy

• now tony knew it’d be kinda sus because peter went to midtown but he figured that if the kid kept his mask on it’d be fine

• “dad i don’t wanna see another one of your weird maid robots”

• “wha- no i want you to meet someone”

• “dad college isn’t for another 2 years. if it’s your friend from MIT-“

• then right before your eyes was the insect boy that youve been admiring through the internet

• needless to say

• your jaw dripped

• “y/n meet spiderling, spiderling meet my daughter y/n stark”

• *seconds pass*

• “i uh- oH- um- sp-spidERman, h-hi. biG fan of you- your work”

• *silence*

• you- “oH dad diD you hear th-that? moM is calling mE”

• tony- “what?? pep wouldve called on the interco-“

• spiderman- “y/n”

• you- SHOOK TO THE CORE BECAUSE YOU KNEW THAT VOICE. THAT WAS THE VOICE THAT SOUNDED LIKE HONEY BUT COULD CUT YOU DEEPER THAN ANY WEAPON IN YOUR HOUSE

• you- “p-peter???”

• tony- *shocked pikachu face* “you know each other???”

• you- “so-something like that yeah”

• peter takes off his mask

• “ohmygodpeterisspiderman”

• “ohmygodyourlastnameisntsmith”

• tony- “im gonna let you guys figure this out” *walks backward slowly*

*insert silence*

• you- “so this is what you were hiding, huh?” with a cold tone

• “IM HIDING? YOU LIED ABOUT YOUR WHOLE HOME LIFE TO NED AND I”

• *yelling at each other for another minute. even though you couldnt hear what the other is saying*

• you- *yelling loudest “I DIDNT WANT YOU TO SEE ME DIFFERENTLY OKAY”

• peter- “you really thought id do that?” (heartbreaking voice)

• you- “i- once i got to know you, i knew you wouldnt but i was scared. i didn’t know how to tell you. for once in my life i had found someone my age who liked ME for ME. not for my name or money or my dad. and i didn’t want to change that. i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner”

• peter- “... i get what you mean. after ben died everyone gave me that look. except you and ned.”

• you- “why didn’t you tell me”

• peter- “everyone i love or ever cared about dies. my parents and then my uncle ben. so once i got my abilities i knew that the risk was even higher and i didn’t want to put you in that position. i wanted to keep you safe. but it seems like you know how to handle yourself” (referring to the fact that you grew up with THE EARTHS MIGHTIEST HEROS)

• y/n- “so how come ned found out?”

• peter *scratches back of neck* “well- he- i- May let him in my room and i happen to be crawling on the ceiling in my suit and he dropped the death star” *head hangs in shame*

• you had to giggle at that i mean CMON

• you stepped closer to him

• “pete you’re my best friend. you can tell me anything okay?”

• “no more secrets?”

• “no more secrets”

• and you both pinky promise and your thumbs “kiss” bc IF THEY ITS THE ULTIMATE UNBREAKABLE VOW DONT @ ME

• peter parker gives you the biggest hug that maKES YOUR HEART JUMP BC PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH A PERSON AS PRETTY AS HIM MAKES YOUR HEART FEEL A CERTAIN WAY

• but you wrapped your arms around his neck and enjoyed the moment

• wow he is really cozy

• * the avengers are watching from the cameras in awe*

• led to MANY questions at dinner

• and so everything went back to “normal”

• it wasn’t until you went to bed that night that you realized peter said the L word

• WHAT

• so much for no secrets

taglist: @silver-winter-wolf @emmmmszy @everythingaboutnothingsstuff @rexorangecouny @wishiwasanavenger @marjoherbo @nologinisoksothatsit @mindset-jupiter @hpnjrph @soup238

some favs/mutrals: @h-osterfield @starksparker @stuckonspidey @sunshinehollandd @keepingupwiththeparkers @hey-marlie @spyder-bites

267 notes · View notes

indigopurple · 4 years

Text

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

28 notes · View notes

hyunjinssmile · 5 years

Text

“Lyrics For You”; Han Jisung

Disclaimers:

Descriptions of sex, dirty talk, angst, fluff, swearing, friends with benefits -> lovers,

Also, excuse my handwriting in this, as well as the lyrics (theyre mine and already in a released song, (aside from the my head hurts; thats for plot)

It was the usual, by now.

He would come home from practice, or hanging out with the boys, and then have you waiting for him, ready for him, to take care of him. It only really took one call; a message even, and you were both there for eachother, but dont get ahead of yourself y/n, you arent in a relationship.

Since highschool, you were both close, really close, but not in a relationship sense. Both of you produced music together and danced together, and even now after he has debuted, it just easier for him to have you; no strings attached, plus the world already knew you as 3rachas friend; a producer that made sure they would eat and rest, stays around the world thanked you for that the most.

Basically, somewhere along the line, Jisung and yourself became more than friends. You became friends with benefits, and unfortunately for you; like the plot of the 2013 Smuts on wattpad, you had fallen for him.

You had fallen for Han Jisung.

Would you ever tell him? Definitely not. Especially since after everytime you both hang out alone, he always thanks you so much for being his friend and understanding his situation, saying he loves how things always are.

“Y-yeah! Its fine” you smile at him as he puts on his clothes, after getting a call from JYP to come to practice earlier than he expected, to which he jumped up and got into the shower.

To be quite honest, the sex was distant. It was passionate, but quite clearly he was distancing himself from being intimate, he would never call you by anything other than your name, no pet names, and hed always take you from behind, never looking into your eyes. It was rushed, and rough, and although you found it incredibly hot and arousing, the emotions, rather the lack thereof, made you sad. It stopped you from enjoying it as much, you loved being close to him, and since he obviously didnt like you like you liked him, this was the closest youd get to it, to him.

It wasnt fine, as he shut the door, mumbling a goodbye and a promise to call you later, your hips hurt, you couldnt walk properly, and your heart ached. It ached for him, because of him.

You reached for your laptop beside you, wincing at the shocks of pain in your hips, before starting to make something, you needed to get your emotions out.

You work on a beat, the notes holding a sad feeling in your gut as you manage to get up from the bed, chucking on one of jisungs shirts that he had left from countless sleepovers, because even now, with the benefits part, he was still your best friend. You waddled your way to your studio, one that was often used by chris and changbin, as well as jisung, as when one of your songs you produced blew up; you could afford an apartment with a personal studio.

You sat down in your chair, cursing at the way you relaxed at the smell of jisungs shirt, before letting the beat play around you, adding in some tonal melodies ontop, before scribbling down some lyrics.

Time had flown by, and you got caught up in the process, the melodies and lyrics meaning so much to you, that tears ran down your face, your heart hurt, and this was how you were going to let it out.

Your phone had been going off in your room for ages, too caught up, you failed to recieve the messages from jisung, and in a panic, he travelled to your place.

Apon entering your apartment, he was met with a heavy bassline, but a slow, almost sad melody- contrast to your usual upbeat songs.

Jisung had liked you since he met you, but when he decided he wanted to persue being an idol, a producer, he knew he could never date- at least not in the public eye. You were his best friend, and after one night when you got closer, you both never looked back, friends with benefits was something that suited you both; well, judging by how quick you were to agree on the title; it suited you at least.

He wanted you to himself, he could only think of having you always in his arms, calling you his own, rather than the plaguing thoughts of you in a bed of someone else, but who was he to tell you not to? You werent exclusive, he made that clear. He groans at his stupidity, before walking to your studio, the lights were off as always, but he saw you hunched over your desk, the music blaring through the speakers next to you.

“Y/n?” He called out, before turning the music down, being left with your broken sobs as his eyes widened. You looked up in surprise, to find him standing there, wiping your eyes and attemtping to smile.

“Hey- jisung!” You said trying to be happy, which only made him more concerned.

“Whats wrong?” He said immediately,

“N-nothing, just writing something.” You tried to convice yourself you were fine for a moment, hiding the lyrics under your arms.

“Youre crying?” He moved closer to you, “and this is a sad song, y/n, you dont write sad songs, whats up?” He pauses, playing the devils advocate “boy troubles?”

You could only dryly laugh, “yes, actually”

Jisung felt his heart drop, before moving closer to you, trying to peer at the lyrics, watching you hide them. “Can i read?” He asked softly.

“No.” You said without looking at him, making him more confused. He tried to grab them, moving around, but each time you covered it, until he grabbed it from you.

“Jisung- just give it back-“

He held the page in his hands as he read it,

“Who is it?” He said softly, genuine care in his voice.

“Just give it back!” You stood up, making his eyes fall to your smaller figure, the shirt immediately recognised as his own.

He couldnt help but smile at the way you jumped to try and get it back from him, your cheeks pink, tears in the corner of your eyes.

“So you like someone? Maybe we should stop this” he gestured at the both of you, trying to conceal his hurt.

“What?” You said softly, your eyes widened.

“We should call this quits, us, ill find someone else” he was being casual, he knew it would hurt you, but it hurt him that you liked someone else, while he fucked you into the mattress every other night.

“Jisu-“

“You know, i thought i liked you, for a little while. I wont hide it. But, id hate to be the guy you liked if you fucked someone else while writing sappy song lyrics about them.”

He was being mean, really mean.

“I dont like you anymore, and were done.” His voice was cold, and the tears kept falling from your eyes, wide open with shock.

“You- I- the lyrics-“ you tried to speak softly, but he was mad. “Am i not good enough for you? Hm? Do i mean nothing?” He kept going.

“Get out” you whispered, eyes full with tears.

“What?” He was taken aback, you had never told him to leave, even during arguments.

“I SAID GET OUT”

And he was gone,

He took the paper with him, reading it in pain and ager the whole way back to the dorm, slamming the door behind him as he entered.

Chris was the first to talk to him, asking what was wrong. The boy crumbled in his arms, explaining everything, even mentioning how you two were friends with benefits, making chris surprised yet it suddenly all clicked.

“Let me see the lyrics”

As chris held the lyrics up infront of him, jisungs eyes widened as he saw a name scribbled on the back, immense guilt filling his entire being as he lost all air from his lungs.

“H-hyung move- move your hand for a second-“

Dread filled him, as he immediately got up, running as fast as his legs took him down the hall, out the door and out onto the street, running to your house, with tears in his eyes.

“You fucking idiot” he whined to himself as tears fell down his face, the colder air from winter bit at the skin on his face, but he kept running, until he was at your door, walking in, and running straight to your studio, finding you lying on the ground, crying your heart out and from experience, having a panic attack.

He immediately ran to you, picking you up and taking you to your room, placing you on the bed, looking at the way your eyes widened at his presence.

“W-why-“ you tried to speak, but he just held you tighter, pulling your body against his in a tigh hold, arms around you, squeezing you against his chest, your face pressed into his shoulder, as he cried into your own.

It would always calm you down, his hugs. Whenever you had panic attacs when you were younger, jisung was there, there to squeeze you and make you realise youre not alone.

“Im here- im here baby- shh-“

Endless petnames flew from his mouth as he helped you calm down, his nimble fingers wiping your tears away gently, his eyes reflecting your own.

“Im an idiot-“ he started slowly,

“Yes you are” you said softly, voice broken.

“I deserve it if you hate me, y/n. Im so sorry, even all this time id been using you because i thought you didnt like me enough to go out with me- and because of my job , i thought this was the closest id get to having you-“

“You have me” you whispered softly, making his eyes widen. “I felt the exact same way, you dumbass “ you said, looking up at him.

“So i could have been making you mine this whole time, taking you out, but all ive done is fucked you roughly, never said anything and had no emotion, all the times you said you were fine-“ his eyes widened again at the realisation of how it must have hurt you, confused you.

“Baby i am so, so fucking sorry.”

You held him closer to you, tightening your own grip as he rested his head in the crook of your neck, his breath fanning warm heat onto the surface.

“Ive never kissed you?” He suddenly said, breaking the silence, moving from his place on your chest , gour hands slipping from his soft locks of hair. You had talked for a while, sorting out how you felt and what you wanted, and then lay in silence, in eachothers arms for a few hours.

“No, you haven-“

He cut you off, pressing his soft lips against your own, his right hand cupping your jaw as he let himself wiggle between your legs, laying ontop of you and covering your body with his own, the feeling of him finally pouring all his love for you out, yourself doing the same, sent you both into an overflow of emotion, he pulled back, observing the way your cheeks tinged pink, his eyes locking with yours as he admired them, the view of you pinned beneath him, hair flowing our around you, made his heart skip a beat, his eyes landing on your now swollen lips from the kiss, warmth filling his being as he admired your beauty.

“Youre so beautiful, y/n, your eyes, your lips, your hair, your smile, your laugh, your jokes, your little pout, the way you stumble sometimes when you walk-“ he was blabbering, he knew it, but your heart filled with so much happiness, “i notice it all, i really do love you y/n. Be mine?”

“Im yours” you said softly, making him smile.

“Now to do this properly..” his hands dragged your underwear down your legs, removing his shirt from your frame as he undressed himself.

You immediately got onto your hands and knees, making him chuckle, immediately grabing your hips and pushing you back onto the bed, your back against the sheets as you gasped in surprise at his show of strength.

“I want to watch you as i make love to you, i want to watch your expression as i fuck this tight pussy, make it mine, youre mine, right?”

You nodded, making him smile down at you lovingly, pressing his lips to yours as he kissed you passionately, his fingers trailing down to your heat as he felt your wetness, his eyes widening is surprise “youre so fucking wet, you needed this huh? Making love is much better, i agree, im harder than ive ever been right now baby” he groaned, before letting one of his fingers enter you, slipping inside before moving so his hips are inline with your own, kissing up your neck to your lips before pushing himself inside of you, his hands holding your hips down against the mattress as he bottomed out, a whine falling from his lips as you whimpered into his ear, his brows furrowed as his lips found yours again, smiling against them as you did the same. “Feels so much fucking better, knowing that youre mine, baby.”

Bonus, 2 months later:

“This is such a good song, Chris, whats the chorus?” Your voice was happy as jisung held you close to him, his arms around your waist as you both sat on the couch in your studio, cuddling into eachother.

“I got inspiration from you two drama queens really. “

“Really?” You both turned to eachother, looking in eachothers eyes, finding nothing but happiness in eachother.

“Yeah, I used some of yours actually y/n.”

“Thats fine, you gave me some last season.” You reassured, smiling.

Chan smiled and pressed play on the chorus of the song, the lead up including a muffled audio scream, before you heard it;

“My head hurts”

Side note:

I actually write, make and produce some music too, so i felt quite close to this story. The emotions running wild whilst writing can really get heavy, and i actually do find myself crying whilst recording a demo, or writing the score, its the same with writing a fic, dont worry if its angst im crying along with ya, its just passion and heartache mixed together in a cocktail of emotions.

Lmao thats another one of my lyrics, ok ill stop thankyou for reading

84 notes · View notes