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samkerrworshipper · 5 months

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pain, sweet, pain | leah williamson x arsenal team

leah’s return from her acl injury is nothing like what she wanted nor expected, but her team are there to help her up when she’s down.

content: hurt/comfort, angst, sadness, pain.

Leah’s never been a good loser.

Whether it was U8s playing with the boys, or playing for Arsenal, or playing for England.

She knows this, it’s both her biggest strength and weakness. She likes to think that it makes her a better player and person, because she experiences the highs and lows like nobody else, but realistically she knows that's just the part of her that hates that she feels so inherently deeply worthless when she team loses and it feels she's somewhat at fault.

Captain Leah would never in her wildest dreams blame a loss on anyone, because she plays an eleven person game, a team game, one person cannot take the sole blame for a whole 90 minutes plus stoppage time.

Leah, 26 year old Leah, who's just coming back from an ACL injury and feels like her world is ending, can’t do anything but blame herself.

Never in her life has Leah felt so worthless, so scared for the future.

She’s worked so hard, worked every single day of recovery, for her knee and for her mind.

She’d thought she was ready, and physically she is, but mentally absolutely nothing prepares you for the moment when you step back on the field for your first game as a starter and you play like absolute shite.

Leah’s worked for over a year, tirelessly, to get to this point, she’d dreamt about it her whole recovery, dreaming of a pinnacle, a perfect moment at the end of the treacherous path, it had seemed perfect.

Realistically, Leah knows that it was never going to look exactly like that, but she’d hoped for something more, happiness, joy, a good game, fulfilment above all else.

Yet, she’s left feeling the complete opposite.

Leah didn’t wait around on the pitch, she was inconsolable, and she knew it, she didn’t need fans seeing her vulnerable, she didn’t need Sarina who had travelled all this way to see Leah play look at Leah with that look of disappointment that you could always catch in the corner of her eye. Leah just couldn’t do it, she couldn’t ever bear to look at Kim, her captain who cared so deeply at her, she couldn’t face that, couldn’t face a woman who was the person who was supposed to keep her accountable but also pick her up when she’s down.

So Leah slips away, slips into the tunnel before she gets stuck in some stupid surface conversation with Alex or Jill, even though she’s desperate to catch up with them, she just can’t do it right now. Drawing with Man City feels like a loss, Arsenal are second on the ladder, the only team they should be drawing or losing to is Chelsea, or at least that’s what Leah’s brain is telling her.

She slips into the bathroom, going unnoticed by anybody in the tunnel and keeping her eyes on her cleats as she makes her way into the away team lockers.

Leah doesn’t sit down, she moves straight to the bathroom, stepping into the first stall and locking the door behind her before she slides down onto the floor, bringing her knees to her chest and her head down onto her kneecaps.

Leah can’t breathe, Leah can’t think, all Leah can do is sit on the floor, contemplating whether it was all really worth it, whether the fucking months of blood, sweat and tears amounted to this. She doesn’t think so, Leah’s telling herself that all of that time, all the wishful thinking, all of the bullshit that she put up with is pointless.

She is Leah Williamson, England Captain, European champion.

Yet she had never felt more like an imposter in her own body.

Alex and Beth had told her about how playing her first full game would be the best moment of her life, especially after sitting out for a whole year.

It was a big step, sure, she’d been getting on the pitch, but being on for ten minutes of stoppage time hardly counted as playing, when Jonas had told her that he planned to have her start the Man City match Leah was excited, ecstatic even, in hindsight it was false confidence.

“Le, honey, are you in there?”

Leah realises that there are tears rolling down her cheeks, subconscious tears of anguish that she hurries to swipe away with the hem of her jersey.

Leah tries to silence herself, for long enough that Lia will leave her be, but she inevitably knows that even though Lia phrased it as a question, she knows Leah is hiding in the stall.

Leah and Lia are…. confusing.

Especially for Leah.

It’s this weird friends with benefits arrangement that somehow started after Caitlin and Lia broke up, it wasn’t very long after Leah and Jordan had broken up and one drunken celebratory night they fell into eachothers bedsheets.

It was blurred lines, sex and emotions that neither of them were ready to face.

Leah loved Lia, in so many ways, but she couldn’t do this, she couldn’t be vulnerable in front of a person that she had frequent casual sex with.

The sex was a confidence booster, for both of them, it made them both feel better, stronger, and Leah was fairly certain that Lia seeing her like this would wreck that.

“Le, baby, open up for me?”

Leah knows that she’s shaking, it’s the middle of fucking winter in London and she’s sitting in a tiled, cold bathroom in nothing more than her uniform. She doesn’t care though, she doesn’t care about anything, the only thing she is thinking about is how the fuck she is going to return to the locker rooms without looking like a complete fucking wreck.

“Leave me alone Lia, I’m fine.”

It’s a blatant lie, both women know it. The breakage and croakiness in Leah’s voice is enough of a sign.

“Don’t be like this Le, whatevers up, we can sort it out together, just open up the door.”

Leah can feel the sickness rising up in her throat, can feel the pain and anxiety coursing through her bloodstream.

“Lia I told you to fuck off, get the fuck out, I’m fine.”

Leah only just manages to get the expletives out before reaching for the bowl of the toilet, the sound of gagging filling the silent bathroom.

Leah hates the acidic flavour that rises up from her throat and directly out of her mouth into the bowl, the clear white being tarnished with the slightly orange tinged bile, Leah supposed it was probably from the gatorade that had been handed out at half time.

“Le, honey, you can open the door for me, I won’t judge you.”

Leah knows that Lia is just trying to be nice, that the Swiss woman really does have a heart of gold and would never judge Leah, not even at her darkest moment. But her mind is betraying her, everything she believes in seems false.

“Lia get the fuck out.”

It’s almost a scream, definitely a yell.

The overwhelming silence that comes after it is deafening.

Then Leah’s ears are blessed with the sound of cleats slowly trailing away from her, it’s the first time since the whistle blew at the start of the game that she feels just a smidge of peace.

Leah tries to pick herself up from the floor, at least the toilet bowl, but it’s a losing battle, the uneasiness in her stomach suddenly forcing more bile up her throat.

Leah hadn’t eaten this morning, so most of it was just bile and liquids that she’d had before the game and at halftime, it burned her throat, making the already abundant ache so much more prominent.

It’s just as Leah is finally pulling her head out, swiping her long blonde ponytail out of the way that she hears the sound of a loud and deft knock against the stall door.

“Leah Williamson, open up, right now.”

Leah’s body shivers more than it was before, whatever gods are up there, she just prays that Kim didn’t hear her vomiting, or crying, or anything.

“I’m fine Kim, leave me alone.”

Leah sounds even more of a mess than she did a few minutes ago when she was trying to convince Lia of the same thing.

“I didn’t ask if you were fine, I told you to open the door.”

Kim’s Scottish accent is so deep, so enunciated in the way it always seems to be when she’s using her stern captain's voice.

“Kim, please just leave.”

Leah is pleading, something that she hates to do, but if Kim asks her once more with that voice she knows she’s not going to resist. So she’s not necessarily pleading to be left alone, but she is pleading for Kim to not push, to not force her to do something she doesn’t want to.

“Leah Cathrine, open the door now, if I have to ask again I will exercise other options to get to you.”

Leah hates how responsive she is to Kim’s voice, she doesn’t manage to get herself up from the bowl, but she does manage to reach one of her long and gangly arms up to the lock and flip it to the side, leaving the door unlocked.

It takes Kim a total of a second to fling the door open.

She doesn’t waste time in the doorframe looking Leah up and down, she steps into the stall, locking the door behind her immediately and sitting down against the door, where Leah had previously been sat.

Kim doesn’t say anything, pretends that she doesn’t notice the tear tracks and snot all over Leah’s face. Instead she extends a windbreaker out towards Leah. Leah shakes her head and Kim just shakes her head, still holding her arm out.

“Leah take the fucking jacket, I won’t be the one to tell your mother that you got hypothermia because you refused to put a jacket on after a game.”

Then it hits Leah, there are people here, at the game, for her.

Her mother, grandmother, father, brother.

Keira even managed to make the trip down just for this game, and yet Leah is crumpled over in a loo, having a fucking breakdown.

Kim shoves the jacket at Leah, and Leah just gives in, pulling it around her shoulders but leaving her arms out so she doesn’t have to remove them from the toilet seat, out of fear that whatever is left contained in her stomach will arise.

Leah and Kim stay that way for a while, Kim just sitting and watching Leah carefully, whilst Leah clutches onto the toilet seat.

She vomits once again, but this time it’s just stomach acid, it burns but it makes her stomach rest a little bit easier, easy enough for Leah to push herself up from the toilet bowl and rest against the wall beside her, so she’s diagonal from Kim.

“Don’t you have teammates to pep up?”

Kim just furrowed her eyebrows at Leah.

“Yes, you.”

Leah grimaces at that answer, she isn’t normally the consoled, normally the consoler, taking up the same job that Kim is right now.

“There are people who have bigger problems right now than I do.”

Kim nods, which throws Leah off a little bit.

“Yes, there are, but I think you’ve been needing this a lot longer than you’d care to admit.”

Leah can’t look at Kim’s eyes, can’t bear the amount of concern that is being directed at her, so she keeps her eyes on her cleats.

They’re muddy, and sopping wet, and Leah’s feet are shivering like crazy, her toes numb from the cold.

“Needing what?”

The question hangs in the air, empty but yet also so full with wonder.

“Needing attention, comfort, vulnerability, needing to not be the invincible Leah Williamson for a minute.”

Leah can’t disagree with Kim, even if she wanted to, it’s just a lie that Kim would catch her out on, and she’s dealt with enough disappointment today.

“I should be happy, on cloud nine, it’s my first game back.”

Leah’s voice betrays her, betrays every single thing that she’s wishing she was feeling.

“There isn’t anything you should be, there are things you can want to feel, but there’s no exact way that you should be feeling right now. Remember Viv’s comeback? Recovery isn’t linear Leah, you know that.”

Kim’s scolding her a little bit, she knows how to get through to Leah, she needs tough love, none of the soft pity bullshit.

“I played like shit, you should be yelling at me not sitting on the bathroom floor with me looking at me like I’m a kicked puppy.”

Kim cocks her head, this is how she works her way in, she doesn’t even have to ask the questions, she just slowly works the answers out, she can play the long game.

“You missed a few passes and intercepts, it's not the end of the world, so did everyone. Do you think I should be yelling at them? We had a bad game Leah, it happens.”

Kim’s words are strong, passionate, but Leah knows there is a lingering question hanging beneath them.

“Leah, how are you doing?”

It’s such a bleak question, so simple but yet so impossible to answer.

“I’m fine, I’m good, I’m back on the pitch, I’m happy.”

It’s all lies, Leah is fairly certain that she hasn’t felt fine or good in a few weeks now, and definitely not happy. She doesn’t think she deserves to feel happy, especially not when she’s been playing how she has.

“You know that you don’t have to sugar coat things with me, you don’t need to lie to me for the sake of trying to get me to leave you alone, it won’t work.”

Kim is probably the most stubborn and selfless person Leah knows, it’s normally the thing she admires most about the Scot, but right now she couldn’t detest it more.

“Leah, you do know it’s okay to be upset, or annoyed, you're coming back from a major injury, I’d be concerned if you weren’t feeling some of those things.”

Kim’s words are reassurances, she’s trying to send Leah into a false sense of comfort, enough comfort that she’ll start to open up to Kim, that she’ll finally let all of her walls and mental barricades down.

“Kim, seriously, I’m fine.”

Kim exhales, deeply, she’s letting go of her lenient side, breathing it out and expelling the soft part of her that was dancing circles around Leah’s mental state, hoping that she’d open up on her own, but it was crystal clear that was Leah was not going to be volunteering that information.

“Leah, have you been struggling?”

It’s a blunt question, and as Leah looks up at Kim with complete shock and fear on her face she can’t find anything besides concern and questioning in her eyes.

“What does that matter?”

It’s a deflection, a weak one, an attempt at trying to pivot Kim, Leah knows subconsciously though that it’s not going to work, Kim sees through it.

“I’m worried about you, I know a lot of the team is. I know you’re struggling Leah, whether you want to admit it or not.”

Leah forces herself to take a deep breath, the unwavering depth in her Captain’s eyes is unmissable, tormenting her from a metre away.

“Leah for the last month you’ve looked like you’re on the cusp of a nervous breakdown, and that’s okay, there is nothing wrong with that. But feeling that way for a whole month isn’t normal.”

Leah knows Kim is right, the older Scot is hardly ever wrong, she’s only seven years older than Leah, but sometimes Kim seems wiser than her mother, sometimes she treats Leah like her daughter, this moment is one of those moments.

“Kim, please just leave me alone.”

Leah is pleading, begging, praying that Kim will just leave her be, stop trying to make her feel things that she doesn’t want to.

“I’ll shut up but I’m not leaving you alone, not when you feel like this.”

Leah feels like Kim knows what she’s feeling better than Leah does, and that’s a weird feeling, knowing that Kim knows exactly what swirly weird thoughts are happening in Leah’s confusing brain.

“Leah, you’re obviously not doing very well.”

Leah cuts Kim off before she can say much more, because she’s honestly sick of hearing Kim’s half lecturing half concerned voice in her ear.

“Thanks for stating the obvious Kim, no, I’m not doing fucking well, I’m pretty sure a blind man could figure it out, so please, for gods sakes, leave me the fuck alone.”

In some strange way, it’s like music to Kim’s ear, hearing Leah openly admit her problems, because it means that Kim is slowly easing her up, slowly getting her to hone in on her emotions.

“Leah, talk to me, what’s up?”

All of a sudden Leah’s face contorts into one of genuine pain, and Kim feels her gut drop for a second.

“Kim I need you to just leave me the fuck alone like I’ve already fucking asked you too.”

Kim likes to think that she’s fairly lenient, she knows how much her girls, her teammates, can take. She knows how to handle most situations, and to an outsider, in this situation they’d probably say that Kim should leave Leah alone.

Kim knows Leah, just like she knows everybody else on the team. She knows that Leah, in all of her stubbornness and masking, often needs someone there for her, although she’d never admit it.

“Leah Cathrine, you can be as angry as you’d like, but you won’t talk to me or anybody like that, especially someone who is just trying to look out for you. Now, I’ll ask you once again, and give you the opportunity to answer me honestly before I haul your ass out of here and onto the bus. Leah, you know that I would never judge you, nobody on this team will ever judge you, and if they do they’ll have me to deal with. We all love you so much, you’re our Leah, our baby girl, and we all just want the best for you.”

Leah forces herself to take a breath, she feels more tears falling down her face as Kim’s words truly start to impact her.

“Sarina’s here, and I played like shit. My knee fucking kills, the olympics are in two months and I’m playing like shit. I’ve never had anxiety, never had a panic attack besides the euro finals, and all of a sudden, I’m a emotional fucking wreck and can’t get my shit together, I need to be better.”

Kim takes a good look at Leah’s franticness, it’s so unlike her, but also not unexpected.

“Leah, take some deep breaths for me honey, use your diaphragm.”

Kim’s voice has dropped a few octaves, and it’s lost all of the tension that was previously in it.

“Everyone on the team thinks I’m weak, stupid and weak, fucking useless.”

Kim stops Leah’s ramble before she takes it too far.

“Leah, listen to me. You are not weak, or stupid, or useless, or anything that your brain is telling you. You are recovering from a devastating injury. You are not perfect. You are doing your best.”

Leah looks up at Kim, with big doe eyes full of tears, she looks so helpless, like a young child.

“You are Sarina’s captain Leah, she’s going to pick you for the olympics. She’d be crazy not too, and if she doesn’t, which isn’t going to happen but with the off chance, then we can go watch them, or we can stay in London and work on your recovery. There will be people around, friends, family. You will not be alone.”

Leah doubts Kim, even though her captain sounds so sure she can’t help but feel a little bit insecure. Millie’s been doing her job for almost a year now, and she’s been doing a bloody good job of it, it makes Leah wonder if Sarina is even going to want her back, especially when her and Millie play the same position on the pitch.

“Leah, honey, I say this as someone who loves you and cares about you more than you’ll ever know. If your knee is hurting, then you should be telling the trainers, and not pushing it. You know your body, and if it’s hurting you need to rest. I know that you want to be playing, and you're finally allowed to so it’s this big deal, but you need to listen to your body and not hurt yourself further. I don’t want to have to tell Jonas and the trainers that you are playing through pain, so I need you to do it, before I bench you for endangering yourself.”

Kim hates how broken Leah looks, and if she could she’d pick Leah up and give her a big hug and say sorry for everything that she’s going through, and she’ll get to that, but right now, Leah is the most impressionable, and this is Kim’s chance to get through to her.

“Leah, every single person on this team loves you, no matter what. This team, this family, all of the love is completely unconditional, you don’t have to put on a brave face for them, I can guarantee you that if we walked into that locker room right now all they would want to do is make sure that you are okay. Nobody is here to condemn you, or make you feel like shit. We all care about you Leah, we’re all worried about you, not mad or angry.”

Leah looks up at Kim, her wobbling bottom lip between her teeth and tears, she looks so gutted, so much smaller than she really is.

“I failed them.”

It’s the first words that have left Leah’s mouth in a while, and it sends a sob barrelling directly from her lips.

This sob, this breakage, this sign of outward weakness speaks volumes to Kim, and it has her scooching over so she’s sitting beside Leah, their shoulders brushing up against each other. When Leah leans into the contact Kim raises one of her arms, putting it across the back of Leah’s shoulder blades and bringing the younger defender into her body.

Kim leans down, pressing her lips to Leah’s forehead, letting them linger for a little bit.

“Leah, honey, no matter what, you could never fail any of us, even if you had ten own goals in a final, none of us could care less, your our Le, our super star. You could never fail us.”

Leah forces herself to take a deep breath, to compose herself, Leah Williamson does not cry.

Except today, today she does, for so many different reasons, and yet absolutely no reason.

“I just don’t want to disappoint anybody, everyone needs me to be good, everyone expects me to be good.”

It’s like a mantra to Leah, a reminder, it’s her bible.

Leah Williamson does not lose, Leah Williamson does not disappoint, Leah Williamson cannot be a failure.

Yet today, it feels like she’s done all of those things, and it’s too much for her, too much for her heart to handle.

“Leah, I’m not wanting to rush you, we can sit here for as long as we have to for you to feel better, but the bus is waiting for us, and I know the girls really want to see you. Plus, my old lady knees are starting to cramp up in here.”

It’s lighthearted, but Leah feels the pressure fall down on her chest like a stack of heavy bricks.

Kim sees the change, and she does exactly what Leah needs, she brings her into her lap for a bone breaking hug.

“They’re going to be mad.”

Leah’s voice is a murmur, low and so quiet that Kim almost misses it.

“Leah I can promise you nobody in that room is going to be mad at you, proud, happy, overjoyed, yes. But one hundred percent not mad. We’ll go out there, get you changed out of these freezing clothes, you can talk to whoever you’d like to. We’ll leave the changerooms, there will probably be people there to talk to you, maybe Sarina, maybe so people from the press, probably your mum. Talk to whoever you want to, then we’ll hop on the bus and get back to the hotel. Okay? I just need you to be brave for me and do it, because I know you can, all of us girls know you can, okay?”

It takes Leah a little bit to nod in agreement with Kim, but eventually she does, her head lifting from its spot buried in Kim’s windbreaker.

“C’mon then, let’s get you up.”

Kim uses all of her strength to lift herself up off the floor, the pre match soreness has settled into her bones and muscles and she makes an internal joke about the old age really starting to get to her.

Once she’s stood up properly she reaches to pull Leah up, even if her back is aching and her knees are sore.

Leah’s unsteady on her legs, like a baby with sealegs, or a newborn baby horse. Kim has to quite literally manhandle Leah into leaning onto her, her arms wrapped around Kim’s much smaller form.

It’s uncomfortable, but Kim makes do, unlocking the stall and dragging Leah over to the sink.

“Wash your face off honey.”

Leah takes one look at herself in the mirror and is instantly shocked, her eyes are thoroughly red rimmed, puffy and altogether Leah just looks like a complete mess.

She leans down to the sink, turning the faucet and washing some of the ice cold water over her face. It doesn’t do much, it doesn’t really do anything besides wipe the tear stains from her face and make a little bit of the redness subside. Not enough to make it look like she hasn’t been crying herself sick, and definitely not enough to make it look like she has her shit together.

She wants to tell Kim to go ahead without her, but one look at the Scottish captain through the mirror tells Leah that anything she says is going to be useless.

So she swallows and spits a little bit of water to clean the acid taste from her mouth and then she stands herself up, righting her uniform and leaning herself back onto Kim, her legs and stomach feeling as uneasy as her current metal state.

When Kim makes it to the door of the bathroom, Leah feels her stomach drop, plummeting to her feet. Kim doesn’t hesitate, even with Leah draping her studs down against the concrete.

Leah keeps her head down, completely ashamed and unable to look at the faces of any of her teammates.

Kim leads her over to her cubby, sitting her down on the seat gently before sitting herself down in front of Leah, pulling off her soaked cleats and leaving them on the floor for later.

“Leah, honey, look at me please.”

Leah struggles to take her eyes from her lap, where her hands are sitting, fiddling aimlessly with the skin around her nail beds.

She eventually does though, keeping her eyes solely focused on Kim’s face, not letting her eyes travel to any of her teammates.

“You need to get changed, but my knees are really sore so I don’t think I can hold you up by myself, I need to go see one of the trainers. Who would you like to help you?”

No one.

That’s the answer that bounces around Leah’s head.

“I can do it myself.”

Leah’s words come from a stubborn mindset, the mindset that is making her feel even sicker for being so openly vulnerable.

“How about Viv and Beth, or Katie, or Jen?”

Leah hates all of the options, because they all include her having to be vulnerable with more people.

“I can do it myself.”

Kim rolls her eyes, her face still as stern and set as ever.

“It’s not up for argument Leah, I’m going to go get Viv, okay?”

If Leah had to make a choice, it would have been either Beth or Viv, because both of them have been through what she has, but Viv is the better option, because she won’t try and make jokes with Leah.

So Leah allows Kim to get up from the floor in front of her, and wander off to wherever she has too, to find Viv.

It’s about thirty seconds later that a pair of white nike shoes show up beside Leah’s sock covered feet.

“Leah, liefje, kom voor mij op?” Leah, love, stand up for me?

Leah’s not fluent in Dutch, she can’t speak a word of the language besides some simple conversation and basic terms of endearment, but for whatever reason she understands Viv perfectly.

Using the wall of her cubby as a crutch, she stands herself up, looking at Viv with a lot of questioning in her eyes.

Viv doesn’t wait for permission, she just reaches for the bottom of Leah’s jersey, lifting it up until Leah’s forced to put her arms up so Viv can pull it over her head.

Before leah’s left shivering, Viv’s helping her pull a long sleeve top and hoodie over her body, making her once freezing body a little bit warmer.

Once Viv has the hoodie pulled around Leah tightly she moves to her shorts, once again not waiting for permissions and tugging them as well as her compression shorts down.

Before she tugs the sweatpants on though, she secures a knee brace and ice pack to Leah’s knee.

Leah’s almost embarrassed about the fact that she nearly moans when the ice makes contact with her knee, the cold contrast feeling so incredible on her inflamed and sore skin.

Viv then moves onto the sweatpants, pulling Leah’s feet through the bottoms of them and then pulling them up and over her knees gently before securing the pants loosely around Leah’s hips.

Once her clothes are on, and Leah is feeling a little bit happier and spacey from the welcome warmth, Viv sits her back down on the bench.

She pulls Leah’s socks off, dutch simplicity leaving her lips as she gently applies, newer and softer socks to Leah’s feet, Viv’s warm hands gently rubbing over Leah’s feet as she pulls the socks over her toes and ankle, before pulling out a pair of ugg boots that Leah has never seen before and tugging them onto her feet.

Normally, Leah would revolt against the break of uniform, but she’s too tired, too vulnerable, too broken to care.

Viv can apparently tell, because in a few seconds time there is a group of girls flanking her, all with the same soft, calm expressions on their faces.

Katie, Beth, Viv, Jen and Lia.

“Hey baby girl, time to get you to the bus hey?”

It’s Beth’s gentle voice, quiet and soft.

“M’ sorry.”

It’s the only thing going through Leah’s brain, endlessly repeating like a record that keeps replaying.

“Hey, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for and we’ll talk about it on the bus, but we just need to get you there, okay? So Viv and Jen are going to help you, Katie will grab your things and I’ll make sure that any press stragglers stay away, okay?”

Leah feels defeated, and broken, but she nods anyway.

Jen and Viv reach down to pull her up, Beth leading the way out of the change rooms and back into the tunnel. Luckily, there are no stragglers, and the trip is fairly easy, Kim joining the group somewhere along the way with ice packs secured to both of her knees but she looks as if she's in good enough spirits.

They manage to manhandle Leah onto the bus and into a seat, cocooned between Kim and a window.

Kim whispers sweet nothings in her ear the whole ride home, reassurances that Leah doesn’t really hear with her ringing ears.

It’s actually Viv who brings Leah out of her trance, pulling Kim out of her seat beside her so Viv can sit down.

Leah, liefde, listen to me for a second please.”

Leah takes a deep breath.

“You did everything you could have, we all did everything we could have, this is not your fault nor your burden to take. None of us will accept you taking the burden for this. You can’t allow yourself to, because this,” Viv’s hand falls on Leah’s puffed up knee, covered with an ice pack, butLeah understands what she means.

“Is not going to get better if you don’t allow yourself to heal mentally. We’re all here for you, we’re all going to carry you when you are down, please Leah, for me, for your mum, for anybody, just let yourself rest. We’ll review, and as a team we will get better, but we need you beside us getting better as well, we need you out here leading the team, like we all know you can. Take a night, reflect and then come back tomorrow with the mindset that you have something to prove, to us, to Jonas, to Sarina, yes?”

Leah looks at Viv, looks at how genuine she is, how she definitely knows exactly what Leah is feeling.

The words linger for a few seconds, before a mass of Arsenal hoodies are piling on top of Leah and Viv, a struggle of arms and hands securing themselves around Leah.

It’s warm, happy and loving.

It’s everything that Leah has been working to create in this environment for years, not for herself, for everyone around her. But having it come back to her, it hits her like a freight train, and suddenly, or not so suddenly, Leah realises that she’s not doing everything by herself, she doesn’t have to when this is her team.

#woso #woso community #leah williamson #arsenal wfc #leah williamson x arsenal #kim little #baby vivi #vivianne miedema #leah makes me cry #i love leah williamson #golden retriever leah vibes #love angst #i love some hurt/comfort #hurt/comfort #im hurtin #marry me rn

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kai-anderson-whore · 7 months

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From the moment I took you in the station (part 2 Colin zable x fem reader smut)

Summary: you and Colin go on a date after it you invite Colin for a few drinks 😏

Warnings: smut, mentions of parents separating, oral (reader receiving), alcohol

Word count:2,4k

Part 1

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Before you knew it Saturday rolled along, with that time you and Colin texted whenever you could knowing he was busy with work. At night you both would talk on the phone about anything and everything. You felt like a teenager again with the feeling of butterflies in the pit of your stomach and the constant blushing.

Amy helped you pick the perfect outfit not even a day after Colin asked you on a date, a black dress that fell just above your knees, showing a little cleavage it was casual yet elegantly formal. It was perfect one of your favourites but you never got around to wearing it yet. You paired the dress with black heels and your favourite pieces of jewellery. Your makeup was simple 'the French girl look' your sister said it was.

You finally got a text from Colin saying he was outside in his car waiting on you. Your sister was already at her friends house so you locked the door and made your way to Colin's car. "Hi" you smiled you were nervous but excited it had been a good while since you were on a date it felt new again. "Wow you look beautiful" Colin said in awe admiring you beauty.

"I feel overdressed my sister insisted I wear it" you giggled nervously. Colin shook his head dismissively "no you look perfect" he smiled beginning to drive to the restaurant. The drive was quite not in a awkward way it was nice.

Soon enough you both made it to the restaurant, Colin gave the name of the reservation the waiter guided you both to a table. "Can I get you both any drinks?" The waiter asked as you both scanned through the drinks menu. "I'll just have a coke with ice" you said with a polite smile. "Yeah I'll have the same" Colin nodded to the waiter handing them the menu. "This place is really nice" you said admirably sure you had been to fancy restaurants years ago but nothing like this.

"I'm glad you like it" Colin smiled he couldn't help but think how beautiful you looked under the bright lights, your eyes shining in admiration taking the decor in. Within a few minutes the waiter came back with your drinks and more menu's, you both thanked the waiter before they left you to your own devices. You opened the menu everything sounded delicious you couldn't make your mind up.

"So hard to choose something" Colin broke the silence between you both. "It really is to be fair though the maple glazed chicken is really screaming at me" you giggled lightly which Colin returned.

Eventually you both sat with your food talking about anything and everything really getting to know each other. "So how come your single?" Colin asked you shrugged your shoulders before replying. "I guess I never really bothered with relationships ever since taking my sister in wasn't really a priority to get out there, how come your still single?" You then asked.

"I was engaged a few years ago but last minute she backed out" Colin summed up, you could see the hint of hurt in his eyes you felt sad that someone would do that to such a nice person. "Oh Colin I'm sorry that's really terrible" you sympathised with him but he shrugged it off.

"So how come your sister lives with you if you don't mind me asking?" He then asked. You contemplated whether to tell him, but you were both getting to know each other. "We'll my mum and dad were going through a rough patch in their marriage and I didn't want amy to see it all so I took her in till they got their act together, but now their going through a really messy divorce" you explained.

"Wow I'm so sorry it must be really hard for you both". You nodded in agreement "but apart from all that it's been great Amy, my sister she's just amazing I don't really want to see her go anytime soon" you lightly chuckled.

The date went really well in your opinion, you and Colin talked about your family's and memories you had growing up. It was the most fun you had in a while before you knew it the night came to an end Colin's car parked outside your door. A slight awkward silence formed between you both neither of you wanted the night to end just yet.

"Do you maybe want to come in for a drink?" You asked hoping he would take you up on the offer. "Yeah sure" Colin accepted both of you getting out his car and into your home. Shrugging out your jacket placing it on the coat hanger by the door Colin followed you like a lost puppy. "Take a seat make yourself at home" you smiled hoping it would calm him down a bit which kind of worked he sat on your sofa While you went into the kitchen.

"Beer?" You offered holding two glass bottles. Colin nodded thanking you taking a swig of the bitter alcoholic beverage. "Nice place you got" Colin nodded his eyes scanning your home. "Thanks" you smiled at him. A few drink into the night you and Colin were laughing at a joke he said. Colin couldn't help but look into your eyes, they were mesmerising to him. Colin's eyes darted between your eyes and lips till he gave in and crashes his lips on your own.

You were taken aback trying to process what was happening. Your lips almost automatically responded to the movement of Colin's lips. You felt butterflies in the pit of your stomach, a warm feeling in the depth of your soul. Your hand cupped his cheek smiling into the kiss. Colin pulled away his cheeks flustered, the grin never left your lips.

"I'm sorry i was out of line I shouldn't have done that without asking first" Colin apologised. You shook your head dismissively "no it's okay Colin I liked it" you bit your lip Colin smiled in relief his shoulders relaxed hearing you say those words. "Another beer?" You asked getting on your feet. "Sure I'll have one more then I got to go" Colin agreed.

"You can't drive under the influence Colin" you giggled "no I'll get a cab if it's alright for me to leave my car here I can pick it up in the morning" Colin asked you nodded "sure I'll get you that beer".

It was same to say that single beer turned into something more stronger. A few glasses of whiskey between you both. Before you knew it you were stumbling into your bedroom - hungrily kissing Colin's lips he was showing just the same amount of lust and desire as you with his lips.

You didn't know what had happened one minute you were conversing in a conversation, next you were stumbling into your bedroom practically ripping each others clothes off- but neither of you cared how it happened you were just glad it did.

Colin kicked the door shut with his heel before turning your body so it was pressed against the door. Sending shivers down your spine. His lips moved from your lips to your neck peppering hungry kisses along the skin. Every kiss he decorated on your flushed skin made you grow hotter, weaker, your head went fuzzy for the detective.

His hands on your waist holding you close to him, your hips subconsciously grinding against Colin's feeling his growing erection. "Oh fuck" you sighed as Colin continued to pay more attention to that one stop that made you react the most too. You skin felt hot with each touch of Colin's lips. They were addicting to you, leaving you craving more.

Colin's hands moved to the back of your thighs, you took this as a sign to jump. Wrapping your legs around his waist Colin carried you to your bed laying you on the mattress. Your dress hiked up exposing your matching black lace underwear making Colin gulp in arousal.

You grinned provocatively propping yourself up on your elbows. Looking up at Colin through your eyelashes as he removed his shirt before crawling onto you. Your lips reconnecting eagerly he was like a drug and you were the addict. You sat back up removing your dress discarding the fabric somewhere in the room.

Colin watched you with lustful eyes, he couldn't believe you were in front of him only in your black pace underwear set. You bit your lip seductively your leg grazing over his growing erection, giving Colin the perfect amount of friction.

Colin's slim fingers hooked under the waistband of your underwear, dragging the lace painfully slow off your body. His hands roamed your thighs, his face inching closer to wear you needed him most. Your chest heaved at the sight of Colin between your legs looking up at you for consent, which you granted with a nod. Darting his tongue out Colin licked a strip between your slick folds. You let out a groan of pleasure propping yourself on your elbows to look at him.

His tongue made its way to your clit, giving you the perfect amount of pleasure. His tongue continues to do its work on your heat, your body reacts to each time his tongue would circulate around your clit then dart your entrance. It felt so good looking down at Colin who's eyes were already on you, looking up at you through his eyelashes 'what a fucking sight'. You thought.

Colin brought his attention back to your clit, one of his hands that was holding your thigh still now entering your entrance. Your walls greedily accepted his fingers clenching around them earning a smirk from Colin. "That feel good" he asked admirably. "Mhmm" you moaned out your hand reaching down tugging his hair. With each time you tugged on Colin's locks his hips would subconsciously grind into the mattress for friction.

You soon felt the urge of release forming in the depth of your stomach, your hips beginning to grind against Colin's face and fucking yourself on his fingers. He didn't mind continuing to get you closer to the edge. "I'm so close" you warned.

Colin didn't say anything but he fasted his movements of his tongue and fingers till you finally let go over his face and hand. Your orgasm hit you hard, your toes curling, your thighs threatening to close around Colin's head as he lapped up your slick wetness.

Your legs trembling with the overstimulation, Colin pulled away from your heat, his hands soothed your trembling legs till you calmed down. Colin crawled back up on the bed till he was face to face with you. Nothing was said you just stared at each other with lustrous eyes.

Colin smacked his lips back on yours allowing you to taste yourself on his tongue. You moaned into the kiss your hands roamed his bare chest snaking down to the belt buckle holding his trousers up. You managed to remove the belt without taking your lips off Colin's. Your hand cupped his clothed erection earning a low groan from Colin.

With a blink of an eye you flipped both of you over so you were on top of Colin. Straddling his thighs you removed the rest of the articles of clothing he had left letting his cock sprung free. You gasped at the sight, he was larger than you had anticipated. You took the base off his cock in your hand giving him a few tugs before a lining the tip with your sopping entrance sinking down on him slowly.

Your face scrunching up as he stretches you out. A mixture of pain and pleasure, you both moan in unison you took a few moments to adjust to his size. Your hips moves up and down bouncing along his length at a slow and steady pace. Colin let out a series of sighs and grunts, the moans leaving your lips turning him on more.

Colin watched the way your tits would bounce within your lace bra, his hands on your back pulling you down so he could unclasp the lacy fabric allowing your breasts to fall freely. Colin took your left nipple in his mouth swirling around the hardened bud, you moaned at the sensation. Your hips bouncing along his length feeling every inch of him stretching you out.

Your hands resting on Colin's chest for leverage and to keep you steady. Colin's lips gave attention to your other nipple giving caressing it with his warm mouth. You pulled away from Colin's lips, starting to bounce more faster on Colin's lap, moving your hips in slight circular motions earning a moan from Colin, it was probably the most hottest thing you could have ever heard in your life.

Colin's tight grip on your hips helping you bounce on him, "you look so beautiful" Colin slurred bucking his hips meeting yours. You let out a smile biting your lip, your legs feeling tired, Colin flipped you both over so you were now underneath him. His hand lifted your leg to his shoulder hitting a deeper angle. You cried out in pure pleasure at the new position.

"Fuck right there" you moaned your body jolting with each of his thrusts. You felt close to the edge once again, your walls clenching around Colin greedily taking all of him.

“I’m gonna-“ “let go baby” Colin cut you off you didn’t need to be told twice. Your orgasm ripped through you harder than the last one, your back arched practically screaming Colin’s name. Your orgasm triggered Colin’s own high releasing inside of you.

Colin rode out your blissful orgasms, both you breathless, bodies slick with sweat. Colin pulled out of you making you sigh at the loss of contact. He collapsed beside you on the bed his hand running down his face collecting himself.

“That was”- you paused for a moment trying to catch you breath, “bad?” Colin cringed thinking you absolutely hated what happened between you both. “The opposite it was amazing” you smiled placing a chaste kiss on his lips. you both still had a slight buzz from the alcohol you both consumed earlier.

A hum came from Colin as you kissed his lips, his eyes growing heavy. “You tired?” You asked setting yourself back down on your pillow. “You wore me out” Colin chuckled laying on his stomach, his head facing you. A yawn escaped your lips your eyes suddenly feeling heavy too. “I’m tired too” you giggled sleepily. Colin turned to lay on his side his arm around your bare waist, you nuzzled closer to him drifting off to sleep.

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try-set-me-on-fire · 4 months

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Tagged by @daffi-990 and @devirnis for several sentence Sunday! So maybe I just started one last wip before the year ends…. I was thinking of ways I could give Buck a kid and hear me out… there’s some event at the station where a group home comes to visit and Buck hits it off with this little girl who’s like 6 or 7 who’s throwing a tantrum at first but he just pays attention to her and works out what she’s needing in this moment that’s making her upset and they end up hanging out the whole time and one of the people in charge of the kids is like you’re really good with her but I suppose that makes sense, she was rescued by firefighters when she was a baby you know! And it turns out she was the baby they cut from the pipe who eventually ended up in the foster care system. And Buck feels all kinds of ways about that! Guilty for how much of an idiot he was back then, sad for the mom and the kid, not sure he should be the person to step into this situation when he was there for the messy start of it. He eventually does move to foster though and of course he and Eddie are falling in love in the background of all this. Anyway, here’s the two of them talking about those mixed feelings!

Buck scrubs a hand over his face and then stays there for a minute, safe in the warm dark of his palm. “I don’t know, it feels conceited, right? I thought I knew everything, back then. I was so mad, when, really, she was just a kid, Eds. She was terrified and hurting and- and ashamed, and I don’t- it doesn’t feel good, to know that it didn’t work out. This isn’t a- it’s not some fucking I told you so, I don’t want people thinking I… That I think I know better, or that I’d just do this because I feel guilty in some way. I’m… it’s sad. I’m sad. I wish she’d had support and understanding from the people in her life. I wish this kid never had to be alone.”

Eddie is quiet, but the heat of his arm doesn’t move any further from Buck’s. “Does any of that matter?” He eventually asks.

“What?” It’s enough to get Buck to stop hiding, to look at his friend.

Eddie’s got a contemplative little furrow between his brows. “I mean… It matters. It’s good to examine the reasons why you’re thinking about doing this. But…” he looks back into the loft, eyes following someone inside for a moment. “I know you. I know that if you take this kid in you will do anything for her, to make sure she has a happy, healthy, safe life.” He shrugs, and then looks Buck in the eye. “The circumstances are- messy, I guess. But there is a kid, and she is alone, and I know that’s eating at you.”

Tagging @rewritetheending @malewifediaz @colonoscopys @lover-of-mine @jeeyuns @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @shitouttabuck @ anyone else who has one last scrap to share in 2023!

#tag games #seven sentence sunday

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demonytekav · 16 days

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Quick Monster!Katsuki AU with Human!Izuku

Kats is a monster that lives under the bed and he’s been stalking Izuku’s ankles for a while now. Ever since the nerd moved into the house Katsuki has been waiting for his moment. He watches Izuku and learns his habits and personality.

One night weeks in Izuku’s ankle and foot hang off the side of the bed and Kats spooks him a little by grabbing it but not pulling Izuku under just yet.

Izuku is FREAKED out of course by the feeling of a cold clawed hand wrapping around his ankle and tugging and makes sure to keep his feet on his bed and tucked in every night. Which amuses and annoys katsuki who is biding his time. Katsuki sometimes does spooky stuff like scratch on the bottom of the bed frame or let his shadow cross the corner of izukus eye sight. Always reminding the nerd he’s waiting and watching. Never far from his prey.

Izuku, skittish and scared, starts trying to communicate but katsuki isn’t stupid so he doesn’t ever answer on the recording devices or whenever a camera is rolling. Over time Izuku gets used to having a haunted home but is always on the look out for the next scares his uninvited roommate has for him. At some point though, Izuku finds a little comfort that he’s not alone when he gets home. Strange as it is.

Almost a year in one night Izuku comes in rather dejected and upset. The nerd has been acting a little off for about a week. That night Izuku’s leg hangs over the edge of his bed ripe for the pulling, but as Katsuki goes to grab his ankle he hesitates. He’s enjoyed his time stalking his prey…enjoys his prey in a lot of ways actually. He doesn’t want to just…eat Izuku like he normally might any other prey. No, Katsuki wants to play with Izuku. Wants to hang around as the nerd does his nerdy things. Listen to him ramble on to himself about his little theories and ideas. Wants to make sure he remembers to fucking eat by knocking shit around in the Kitchen or for him go the hell to bed when Kats starts rattling things in the bedroom/tossing pillows at Izukus head. Katsuki just…wants him.

So as he pulls his clawed hand back he contemplates what he should do. The next night it’s the same. A dejected Izuku goes to bed and eventually his leg hangs over the edge of the mattress exposed. Almost like he forgot Katsuki exists.

It’s annoying and hurts Kats pride but he doesn’t want to HURT Izuku. So he’s kinda stuck.

3 days of this go by before one night Izuku, leg hanging over the mattress, sighs a frustrated groan into the quiet bedroom. Katsuki frowns as Izuku huffs to himself before addressing Katsuki himself. “So NOW you grow quiet? Really? After all this time?”

Stunned Katsuki shifts under the bed in his shadows and listens as Izuku sits up angrily and then leans over the side of the bed to stare into the darkness. While he can’t see Katsuki it still makes him flinch a little as those pretty but sad jeweled eyes peer angrily all around as though he’s looking for Katsuki.

“Seriously? I’ve been dangling my ankle outside my blankets for days and you won’t bite? Of course not. Not when I ACTUALLY want you to. Figures, the minute I DONT want to be here anymore you decide I’m not worth it. Come on, just take me now. You’ve been actively haunting me for almost a year every night. Why are you being a coward all of a sudden?”

And doesn’t that just peak Kats interest. The little nerd doesn’t want to live his sad little lonely human life so he wants Katsuki to eat him? Well well well….he can do that. Just not the way Izuku expects.

He chuckles darkly just for Izuku to hear. Green eyes widen as Katsuki allows his wide grin full of sharp teeth to pierce the darkness. As Izuku sees that terrifying grin the nerd sucks in a frightened breath and before he can back up Katsuki reaches out and grabs him, pulling a screaming Izuku into the dark shadows. “Be careful what you wish for I-ZU-KU.”

When Izuku shows up to work a few days later people are surprised to see a wide grin on his face. Especially since he’d recently gotten in trouble for something he didn’t even do but no one wanted to get themselves caught into the mix so they let him take the fall. Izuku is practically glowing and as the day moves on he gets more and more animated the closer it gets to the end of the shift. When asked he just smiles and says he has a special someone waiting at home just for him and he can’t wait to rush home to them.

Izuku is congratulated and as he makes his way home and steps into the entry way he grins as an obvious shadow slithers impatiently down the dark hallway. “I’m home Kacchan!” He laughs happily as he’s then yanked into the darkness by familiar clawed hands.

AN: just an idea I had but didn’t want to make a full fic because I don’t have a working brain cell right now.

#bakudeku #bkdk #dkbk #ktdk #kav fics

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plscallmeeren · 5 months

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Citizens of Westview

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Request: yes I'm sorry this took me so long but I am now nearing the end of my exam period 🥲

Summary: Wanda is on her way to WandaVision as she arrives in Westview, but before she can freak out on us, she meets someone

Someone = you = retired warrior with telepathy + telekineses

Warnings: sad Wanda; not proofread rip

Word Count: 1.4K

Wanda Maximoff was fuming and upset and destroyed and violently inclined and numb from the pain. Everything hurt. Everything was changing. He was never coming back. No, she was never coming back. Could never be the same as she once was.

When was that again? It felt like a long ago, but was it? Maybe for everyone else, whose five years dragged with the absence of company, but for her... for her it hadn't been long since the peak of her life. It hadn't lasted long, really. From one horror to the next, life had never stopped giving Wanda Maximoff a hard time.

Surely this was the worst of them all.

She stood motionless for a moment in a driveway, staring at the worn foundations of a town house. Vision's house. Vision's vision, ironically.

Slow steps led her to its centre, hand clutching at his plans like a lifeline.

Wanda wondered whether she ever would have lived him. He wasn't what she imagined - ever. He was only there when she needed someone most. Did she have the right to mourn someone she may have used for her own emotional balance? No, she thought.

A strange feeling invaded her senses as she considered her own mind. She knew it. Except she usually felt it from the other side.

Someone was in her head, snooping.

How dare they?

She realised only now that she had fallen to her knees on the harsh ground, tears running down her cheeks uncontrollably. It hurt. It all hurt, and she didn't even know what was causing her all this pain. When she tried to recount everything to herself, it felt like encouraging the water drowning her back over her head in order to make her lungs not only gasp for air and find currents, but also for them to be crushed under all the weight of an ocean.

Everything hurts.

Which is why no one should have been invading on all of that.

With some struggle, she turned, standing, grasping the sacred paper in her one hand while the other cocooned itself in crimson magic.

Before her stood a young-looking man, though certainly older than her, hands pushed into his pockets timidly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't read your thoughts, I just... I just felt."

Wanda's mind spun at the sound of your voice. Deep, as if the ocean was now enveloping her protectively. Slightly raspy, as if you had smoked one year too many. Melodic, as if she had missed the lyrics to an important song.

"I... How did you- You can't-"

"I don't know what made you feel the way you feel right now, but it must be truly horrible. That pain..." You shuddered, approaching her with a little more confidence, but keeping a safe distance.

Wanda was lost for words.

"Why here of all places?"

She hesitated, then decided: "My boyfriend plans on building a house here. I wanted to see it. Or, well, what it would be."

You nodded contemplatively. "So there's a boyfriend, huh?" you teased, stopping when you were only a meter away from her. She felt volatile. She couldn't bear it if you tried to touch her. But for a moment, she was distracted.

"No," she found herself saying instinctively, though this hadn't been the plan, "no boyfriend anymore."

"Sorry to hear it. Or at least, sorry for you." You smiled a little. It was all risky when someone was this emotional - or so spoke experience. One wrong word or wrong daring and it was all over, but in the end, treating someone like a snowflake was the most likely to backfire.

She stared at you incredulously, gaping at the simple flirting. She observed her contender closer: a tall, toned man with short black hair and a bandana. She could have screamed and kicked when her subconscious reminded her this was more like her type.

You watched her, too. If you hadn't been so distracted by her dishevelled look, you might have called her flawlessly beautiful.

"What's the house gonna look like?" you asked as pleasantly as possible, sitting down in the wiry grass with crossed legs.

"I, uh..." Wanda pulled out the plans, handing them over. You took them graciously, taking a moment to look properly before smiling widely.

"This is really nice. Good town house feel. Kinda looks like one of those old sit-coms, you know?"

She couldn't help but stare further. The coiling witchcraft encompassing her arm slowly dissipated as she collapsed on the ground opposite you.

"Yes," she said finally, leaning forward tiredly. "I always liked sit-coms. Especially the Dick Van Dyke Show. I watched it when I was little, and recently... well, I was just getting into it again."

"I don't know that one," you confessed. "But I always liked Bewitched and The Brady Brunch. Sometimes I Dreamed of Jeannie, when I was feeling particularly whimsical." You chuckled and a watery laugh escaped her in response.

"I know Bewitched and The Brady Brunch. They're both good. I loved the dresses in Bewitched, you know? It was always so classy. What's the other one?"

"Oh, it's about this guy who unleashes a beautiful woman called Jeannie and she's bound to him. She can fulfil all of his wishes, but her attempts at doing him good often go a bit awry... it's very funny."

"I can imagine."

She could believe she was smiling. Honestly smiling. Practically grinning.

"If I may ask; where are you from? That's an interesting accent you got there." You saw the complicated expression on her face and quickly rectified: "I'm sure people ask you all the time - I shouldn't be so unoriginal."

"No, no, it's fine. People don't ask as often as I'd sometimes like." Her eyes glazed over in distant imagery and you wondered where she had travelled to. "I'm from Sokovia."

Your brain sent you immediate news footage of the disaster in Sokovia and the Avengers and-

Wanda Maximoff.

But you didn't comment on any of this, because really, what good would it do?

"I've heard of it." Her shoulders sagged. She could see the pitiful questions coming her way already. "It's somewhere between Slovakia and the Czech Republic, no?"

Her eyes widened. For another moment, she was distracted.

"Yeah. That's it. It's beautiful, you know. Terrible government, but beautiful."

"Just like the U.S., then?" you smirked, earning an Eastern European smile of superiority in return.

"Mhm. We had this tradition in the winter where we would..."

You listened intently, hanging onto every word as if you were going to be tested in the material.

You didn't generally like people too much. You didn't hate them, either. You had just seen too much. Too many thoughts, emotions, memories, fears - too much humanity for one receiver.

But another person who had seen all that? Had felt and heard the facets of a thousand lives? That was interesting. You were very interested. Maybe you would have been even if that hadn't been the case.

Darkness crawled over the clouded planes of this Western sky, draping its silky blanket dotted with shining light and an iridescent crescent over the town of Westview. The two of you hardly noticed, delved deep in conversation, until making out the other's face proved a challenge.

"I should be going," Wanda gave in to nature's lullaby eventually. "I'm not sure where to go, though."

You considered her for a moment, then offered: "You're welcome to stay at my place for a while. If not, I know an inn downtown that's probably still open?"

She gazed at you in a way that the naïve mind could interpret as loving, then slowly nodded.

"Yes, I'd like to stay with you. I trust you, stranger, even if it is not in my best interest." Her accent was thick with drowsiness.

"Good. Can I ask - just to be sure - what's your name?"

"Wanda. You knew?"

"I had a hunch. My name's (y/n)."

"Do you have a superhero name or something, too?" she laughed warmly, but she could still taste the salt of tears on her tongue.

"No, I never cared much for superheroes."

_____________

Pt 2?

#fanfic #fanfiction #new chapter #marvel #mcu fanfiction #romance #wanda #wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda x you #wanda marvel #wandavision #marvel women #male reader #emotions #mortal kombat #wanda fanfic #wanda x y/n

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ladydeath-22 · 2 years

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Feyre became cruel after meeting Rhys and the IC. She even admitted silently to herself she was cruel. And she seemed proud of that?

She made fun of Lucien when he told her what he called his friend group “band of exiles”. Like honey, the court of dreamers isn’t that great of a name either?? And it is true, Lucien, Vassa and Jurian are pretty much exiled, hated by the fae and humans, even though they were the ones who gave everything.

(but honestly court of dreamers make sense considering they all just dream of a better world rather than act on it).

Not to mention, she contemplated destroying Tamlin’s mothers rose garden?? how cruel can you be to think about purposely destroying someone’s moms garden? Like I get that you hate Tamlin, but his mom was innocent. Just like Rhys’s mom and sister.

PLUS she mind r8ped Tamlin’s sentries to open the mansion gates in order to get them punished?? and then at the last minute she allows the sentry to remember......she allowed innocent people in the spring court to get hurt because of her ridiculous vendetta.

Besides we didn’t even get the full story. How did Tamlin’s father know where they were at? We all know Tamlin sucks at protecting his mind, so his father and brothers could have read it. (Even though Rhys doesn’t really want to admit it, he knows Tamlin was innocent in that mess. If he wasn’t, he would have killed Tamlin at that moment.)

In the court of nightmares, she relishes having people bow to her. she relishes in the cruelty of the citizens because she hates keir.

I’m sure there are plenty more scenarios of her becoming more cruel after meeting with the IC. She thinks her cruelty is strength and that’s sad.

#anti feyre #anti rhys #anti rhysand #anti inner circle #anti cassian #anti amren #anti mor #pro tamlin

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rillils · 4 months

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imagine post endgame bucky having to go alone, without someone to support him, to say sorry to all the people whos family he killed and he keeps saying that he didnt have a choice as his excuse

and he keeps thinking that its not a good enough excuse, that hes not good enough

no, you see, you see!! one of the things that made me uncomfortable about their treatment of Bucky, back when I was watching tf*ws, is precisely this

gonna slap this under a cut because BOY I have things to say

I WWILL NEVER STOP BEING MAD ABOUT THIS. I MEAN.

deciding that he has to apologize for all those deaths implies that he murdered those people willingly, while he was perfectly aware of his actions, of their consequences, and just did it anyways. so now, you know, he has to "atone for his sins", or make amends or whatever. so we're just going to send him off to those dead people's relatives to immolate himself because of course that's the only right thing to do. BUT idk, say what you will, this entire concept just sits wrong with me, I can't help it.

like first of all, we're acting as though killing all those people was a conscious choice on his part, as though he were completely 100% in control of himself and actively chose to murder a bunch of people, just because it suited him or something, when we know, WE FUCKING KNOW, WE HAVE BEEN LITERALLY SHOWN THIS, IT'S A RECURRING THEME IN AT LEAST 2 OF THE CAP MOVIES, that THIS. was NOT. the CASE. and fuck anyone who says any different tbh, mcu included

second, they might argue that by walking up to the victims' relatives and apologizing, Bucky's giving them closure or something, but. just. look at this from their point of view, right. as far as they're concerned, this is the guy who murdered their loved ones in cold blood, and he's just! walking free! getting away with murder(s), apparently without suffering any consequences whatsoever for all his crimes and all the grief he has caused. is that REALLY gonna give anyone closure? or is it just going to hurt them more/make them even angrier/unnecessarily reopen old wounds when there's nothing, really, that can heal or soothe them at this point, but rather just make them more painful than they already were????

so, it doesn't give them closure. and it sure as fuck doesn't give him closure, either.

they send him on this horrible, tragic, terrifying, sad errand, and all he gets out of it is torturing himself some more. seeing the pain and the hatred for him on all of these people's faces, the moment he says "yes, it was me, I pulled the trigger, I killed this person you loved". like, torture, yes, torture!! that's all this is!!! that's all it earns him!!! no peace of mind, no sense of closure, no hint of forgiveness! just more pain!!!!!!

just. I just hate this, you know, I just. I really, really hate this. I especially hate how, as you said, the way they insist on him having to personally apologize is just going to make him feel like his own hardships (aka being physically and emotionally tortured until he broke down and had his identity, agency and free will stripped away from him) were just "an excuse". as though a victim (because THAT'S what he is, THAT'S what he always was, a victim himself) needed an excuse for all his suffering. as if he brought it upon himself. as if he was "asking for it".

nah, all of this, it's just going to make his sense of guilt grow stronger and deeper over time, making him feel even more Unworthy (unworthy of love, unworthy of acceptance, unworthy of living a normal life after everything he's been put through, unworthy of friendship, unworthy of being seen as a whole person, as a human rather than a murderer) than he already felt before, making his own pain so overwhelmingly powerful that he might end up feeling like his entire existence is a mistake, and everybody would be better off if he just wasn't around anymore. and that's just so horrifying that I refuse to contemplate it.

#stucky just stucky #personal #like most of the time i feel like they just *hate* him down at the mcu quarters you know #it's like all they're interested in doing with him is just 'hey let's see how much more crap we can throw at this character'#just for funsies lmao #and i'm not even going to touch on what they did to steve (and - by proxy - to bucky himself) or i'll never shut up at all #i'm really sorry i went on a tangent honey #i just have way too many feelings about this 😭😭😭

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maelstrom-of-emotions · 5 months

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Make sure to read Part One before this, or it won't make sense. Huey took a solid thirty minutes to concoct a meticulously crafted, step-by-step plan. Meanwhile, in Dewey's world, he'd already played bodyguard for Louie against the likes of wrecking balls, piranhas, booby traps, a sneezing house, a cursed medallion—you name it. Had adventuring always been this dangerous? He's sure his past self would probably through a fit at the mere thought of it, but, frankly this was just ridiculous.

The thrill of adventure used to be about adrenaline and excitement, but now, with every close call Louie had, Dewey felt like wrapping him in bubble wrap and calling it a day. Seriously, had Louie always danced on the brink of death like this? Dewey made a mental note to have a few words with Uncle Scrooge about it later—once he confirmed with Huey that, yes, this had always been the case, that they had been in this level of danger all the time.

Dewey used to love adventure for the sheer rush, but watching his younger brother take hit after hit made him contemplate putting a permanent pause on the whole adventuring gig. Oh, if Uncle Donald could see them now. His uncle would probably keel over from a heart attack.

He found himself deep in the throes of a debate, caught between the options of buying bubble wrap or investing in a full-fledged plastic bubble, scrolling the website and contemplating which one would offer greater protection for Louie when Huey strolled up, a weary grin on his beak, and declared, “I have a plan.”

"Your plan better include enough bubble wrap to fill a swimming pool," Dewey grumbled, shoving his phone back into his pocket. "This is getting ridiculous."

Huey's gaze shifted to where Louie was hunched over, cradling his wrist. Dewey hadn't noticed when he'd managed to sprain it, missing the moment it had happened. "Tell me about it," his older brother mumbled, scrutinizing the bandages around Louie's wrist, undoubtedly analyzing and critiquing the way they were tied. "Has he always gotten hurt this much?"

"You tell me," Dewey said, frowning at Louie, who was hunched over. He fought the urge to go and wrap his younger brother in a blanket, knowing that it would spook Louie and draw attention, something Louie probably wouldn't appreciate. "You're the one who keeps a tally on these mishaps. Though, if the answer is yes we're having a serious talk with Scrooge."

"Agreed," Huey said, finally tearing his eyes away from scrutinizing the bandages. Dewey was willing to bet that the second they touched down—or well, crashed would be the more appropriate term, Launchpad was the one flying the plane, after all—and reached home, Huey would be on a mission to rewrap that bandage.

"Anyhow," Dewey chimed in, a tad bit impatient. He'd been clocking Louie's weird vibes for days now, only finally concluding that whatever Louie was feeling way beyond ‘just a bad day.’ He couldn't stand another moment not actively fixing the glitch.

"Right," Huey straightened up, whipping out his notepad like they were gearing up for battle. Granted, their luck often dipped into the wild side, but Dewey was really hoping it wouldn't come to that. "Post-bedtime's the prime time to make moves. Fewest interruptions, and any potential disruptions can be dodged. Plus, Louie's been pulling an all-nighter marathon for what seems like eons, so let's kick off with tackling that snooze situation."

Dewey shot a quick glance at his younger brother, but there wasn't a hint of panda resemblance. He looked up with a questioning expression. "Concealer?" he asked, well aware that Louie could be meticulous about his appearance.

"Yep," Huey confirmed, offering a sad smile. "Only found out last night. Got up to use the bathroom, and there he was, just lying on the floor, staring blankly at the wall. His eye bags could rival moon craters, Dewey."

Dewey cursed internally. Man, he hated how deep he slept sometimes. They were all light sleepers, but lately, after exhausting adventures, they practically collapsed into their beds.

Louie struggled with sleep, often settling for short naps during the day. That's probably why he seemed so lethargic on certain days. Usually, he'd sneak into one of their beds, snuggle up, and maybe manage a short doze.

"I reckon the best approach is to ease into it," Huey suggested, snapping Dewey back to the here and now. "Stick with those little gestures; they seem to be comforting him. We'll start with a light topic and then gently steer the conversation—no bombardment. He's, well, he's fragile right now, Dewey."

Dewey glanced at their brother once more, small and hunched, almost fragile. He resembled how they'd all looked when Uncle Donald lost his job during a bad time, and they struggled to make ends meet. Dewey could vividly recall that period—the stormy weather, turbulent waters, and the days when cereal was the only meal on the menu. Fear had gripped them all, but Louie had borne the brunt of it. If Dewey closed his eyes, he could see Young Louie in his mind's eye, small and clutching his stuffed rabbit. Those same hands had scoured the house for spare change hoping to help the bills, the very hands Dewey had held.

"Yeah," he mumbled, hating the way his voice cracked. Huey reached up to give his shoulder a comforting pat. "I know. God, do I know."

At that moment, Louie looked up, and Dewey met his brother's tired, scared eyes. It felt like encountering a stray cat in an alley, trying to coax it gently while it watched you warily, aware that you were a stranger.

And that's what stung, didn't it? They were the Duck Boys, brothers with inside jokes and embarrassing memories no one else knew. They were the ones who'd drawn a mustache on Uncle Donald and stitched his new uniform. They had history, and yet, it felt like they didn't know each other anymore.

He mustered a hopeful smile, small and gentle, and felt something in his heart mend as he received one in return. Fragile, like the delicate strands of a spider's web, but it was a start, and it was better than nothing.

#louie duck centric #louie needs a hug #huey dewey and louie #big brother dewey duck #big brother huey duck #ducktales 2017 #ducktales

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angstysebfan · 2 years

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It Should Be Me (Part 2)

Pairing: Bucky x Female Reader

Summary: You and Bucky were best friends, but you also harbored feelings for him. When Bucky starts dating someone else, you feel the best thing to do is separate yourself from him.

This will be longer than the last part... lol

Part 1

Later on in the night, you have done a good job of hiding from Bucky, knowing he was still looking for you. You stayed hidden in the corners of the room, trying to plan your grand escape from the party. Your goal was to wait until he went out to the balcony like he always did, or went to dance with the bitch he was with, or at the bar with his back to you. Anything to allow you a chance to escape.

Meanwhile on the other side of the room, Bucky was constantly looking about the room, looking for even the slightest hint as to where you are hiding. He knows you are hiding from him, and he needs to know why. You were so important to him, and he misses you like crazy. Also is it true you don’t like Sharon? Did that keep you away from him? Were you jealous?

Butterflies fluttered in his stomach as he thought about that possibility. He quickly dismissed that idea because no way a woman as amazing as you would want to be anything other than a friend to him. Though right now you aren’t even that right now, which breaks his heart.

He feels a hand on his shoulder and looks to see Sharon looking at him with a smile, “Hey you. Wanna dance? It’s a slow one,” she said with hop in her eyes.

Bucky wanted to turn her down and say no so he can keep an eye out for you, but didn’t want to be a dick. He gave her a small smile, took her hand, and led her out to the dance floor. He pulled her close and allowed her to kiss him softly on his lips. They started to sway slowly to the music.

You see this and allow your heart to break a little more before taking the opportunity to make your way out of the room. As soon as you are out of sight you make your way to the elevator and take it up to your room. As you rise with the elevator, your tears start to fall. You hate that you are feeling this way, and wish you could get over your crush love for Bucky.

You thought separating yourself would help, but at the same time it hurt that he was also busy with her. I guess you can say you were having a temper tantrum that when he was available you made sure you were not, just in spite. But you really didn’t care. The only way to get over him is to get away from him. He doesn’t feel that way about you and that’s fine. But you are at the point that you cannot be friends until you are over this, or else you will lose the friendship completely by doing something stupid.

After getting dressed in sweats and hoodie, you went to the staircase that led to the roof. Your favorite spot. The spot you used to think and get clarity. As you opened the door you closed your eyes and took a deep breath of fresh air. When you opened your eyes your heart immediately dropped. Standing there, facing you, with his shirt partially unbuttoned, hair a mess from his fingers going through it, was Bucky. He looks at you with a mix of sadness and something else.

“Wha-what are you doing up here Bucky? Where’s Sharon?” you ask, your nerves going crazy.

He puts his hands in his pants pockets and looks down for a moment before glancing back up at you. “You’ve been hiding from me tonight. Why?” he asks.

You stand at the stairwell door, contemplating running away, but knowing you can’t outrun a super soldier. Bucky leans against the railing still looking at you.

“You’ve been avoiding me for awhile. Why? Why does my best friend, one of the most important people in my life, someone who I love more than anything, keeps avoiding me, and I need to know why before I go completely crazy,” he says standing straight, pulling his hands out of his pockets to run through his hair again. He looks at you with desperation in his eyes.

You just look at him in shock. Again to contemplate running away, but know you have to face the music, tell him the truth, and face the consequences, which most likely be the end of your friendship. The thought makes you deflate and tears flood your eyes.

“Bucky,” you whisper as tears start to stream down your cheeks.

Bucky silently walks up to you and cups your cheek, making you jump as you didn’t realize he came up. He rubs his thumb against your cheek and you break down and just completely sob, falling into his chest. Bucky wraps his arms around you and just holds you while you cry. His heart breaks as he listens, but he is so confused. What is happening right now?

After a moment you pull away and walk around Bucky to the railing, giving yourself a moment to get your emotions under control. You wipe your eyes and take a few deep breaths. You finally turn around and look at the man before you, who looks concerned.

“There is something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get everything out in the open before you respond. Can you do that?” you ask.

Bucky nods and sits on the lounge chair he is standing near. He looks at you and suddenly feels very nervous about what you are going to say.

You look down at your fingers, take a deep breath and stare right into his beautiful blue eyes, “Bucky, you have been my best friend from the moment we both arrived to the compound. I feel so luck to be able to be so close to such an amazing man, and know that he wants to be close to me too. But... along the way, I developed stronger feelings that friendship for you,” you say before pausing and gauging his reaction.

Bucky’s jaw drops slightly at your confession. You like him?

You look away as you feel tears again start to build in your eyes, “I’ve fallen head over heels, heart beating so fast it feels like it will burst, can’t catch my breath around you, want to spend every second of every day with you, kind of love. The love they write songs about. The kind you have said you don’t deserve, but you have mine. You have all the love I have in my heart and soul. YOU have my heart.

And I’m heartbroken because you don’t feel the same. You have been going from woman to woman, when it should be me! And then the cherry on top was Sharon. The one woman who hates my guts and has gone out of her way to keep you away from me. I got upset and decided the only way to get over you was to get away from you, so when you had some time, though it was very minimal, I made sure I was too busy for you,” you say with a scoff.

“I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to lose you. I just needed time to get over you. But I can’t Bucky. I can’t get over you,” you say as you turn and start to softly cry again. “And I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, and you want to end our friendship. But I... I love you. I know you’re with Sharon, but--”

You’re cut off when you feel hands on your shoulders, turning you quickly and lips on top of yours. You freeze for a moment not understanding what is going on, but then melt into his kiss as you wrap your arms around him and he wraps his around yours. You feel him deepen the kiss and you open your mouth willingly to his tongue and just sigh at the suddenly feeling like the piece of you that has been missing, just slid into place.

After a few more moments you slowly pull away, but Bucky would not loosen his grip around you, holding you close and staring into your eyes for a moment. It was just silent as you both enjoyed the moment, neither willing to break the silence. Bucky leans in and gives you another kiss on your lips before cupping your cheek again.

“I’ve loved you since the moment I laid on you. You have always been more than a friend to me. And yes I don’t deserve your love, but I know you would never accept that answer, so if your sure you want to give it me, I will take it and protect it for the rest of my life. I love you, Y/N. I love you more than anything in this world,” he says.

Your heart continues to pound in your chest and you feel so happy to hear that he is in love with you too, but then a thought crashes through that happiness. Sharon.

“What about Sharon?” you ask, still wrapped in Bucky’s arms.

He kisses your forehead, “I broke up with her before I came up here,” he says matter-of-factly.

Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise, making Bucky laugh, “When I saw you escape the party I excused myself from her to follow and she told me that I had to choose between you and her. While I knew you weren’t happy with me, I also knew that no matter what, no one would ever beat you in that scenario. It’s you. It’s always you, and it’s always going to be you,” he says.

You smile in response to his words and pull him back down to your lips. After a few moments you both realize you are swaying to the sound of the music below, cutting through the wind. Every few moments you would both steal kisses and share little giggles.

“I’m sorry for making you wait,” he said softly.

“It’s ok. You got me now,” you say before kissing his nose.

“It’s always going to be you,” he whispers in your ear before kissing you again. You both feeling complete for the first time, and you never want to lose that feeling.

Hope you all liked it! Sorry it took so long to get it out!

Permanent Taglist: @hailmary-yramliah @tuiccim @comedictragedy @cap-n-stuff @thefridgeismybestie @swiftmind @aleaisntcreative @lookiamtrying @pinknerdpanda @morganclaire4 @iamvalentinaconstanza @verygraphicink @im-squished @joannie95 @connie326 @amandamdiehl @harrysthiccthighss @its-izzys @roserose26 @rebekahdawkins @broco8 @shinykoalacat @white-wolf1940 @jessyballet @themorningsunshine @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer

@lethallyprotected @alldaysdreamers @matchat3a @buckyblurb @taffymelon @cjand10 @dreamerglassesgirl

#bucky #Bucky Barnes #james bucky barnes #Bucky angst #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #sharon carter #friends to lovers #mutual pining

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daddyy333 · 1 year

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Gone | Eddie Munson

if you’d like you can reblog my original work, but please don’t post it without credit. if you take inspiration from my ideas please tag me, I’d like to see how someone else would write it

Word count: 5.0k

warnings: death, loss of a partner, becoming a single parent, pregnancy, ?

You never expected this. You never wanted this to happen, not at all. Your boyfriend, your sunshine, your everything was dead somewhere in the upside down, no longer with you. You’d never see him again, you’d never hug him again, you’d never kiss him again, you’d never hear his voice again. It broke your fucking heart.

You had gone on the final trip down with them. He promised you he’d come back alive. He fucking promised. “It’s gonna be okay, y/n. I’ll be back. I promise, I’m not gonna die. We’re gonna get through this, and we’re gonna come back to each other with ten fingers, ten toes, two arms, and two legs, okay?” he said. “I’ll see you soon, y/n, I promise. I love you” he said. He lied right to your goddamn face.

You felt bad for being angry. He didn’t know about the growing baby in your womb, and that's why you were so angry. He should’ve been more careful. Even though he didn’t know about the pregnancy, he shouldn’t have cut the damn sheets and got himself killed. What the hell did he think was gonna happen?

When Steve grabbed you and carried you back to the trailer in the upside down after finding Eddie bleeding out in Dustin’s arms, you screamed and kicked and cried. You hated Steve at that moment. The love of your life, the father of your child was gone and you couldn’t even mourn his death.

You missed him so much it was physically painful. Not to mention, you were now almost 4 months pregnant with his baby and didn’t have a job because the place you worked at was wrecked by the “earthquake”. You hadn’t told anyone else about the baby yet, and you weren’t sure how or if you were going to at all.

You contemplated moving out of state. Or maybe just hiding until the baby was born, and as much as you hate to even think about it, abandoning them and leaving them at a police station or putting them up for adoption. You really didn’t want to but if they could have a better life with someone else who really really wants them, then how could you say no?

You visited Eddie’s headstone a lot. Even though he wasn’t actually there and he was still in the upside down, it still made you feel close to him. You talked to him a lot, about the baby, about your grieving, about how mad you were at him for leaving you, but that you still loved him more than life itself.

You hoped he was looking down (but more likely up) at you, and watching over you and the little one. You hoped he wasn’t sad about what happened, and that he wasn’t gonna be here to see his little one grow up. But you might not see them grow up either, and it hurts to think about that but it’s true.

Speaking of the pregnancy, the few clothes you did have were starting to get too small, mostly the pants but a few of your more fitting shirts. Your morning sickness was getting bad, and since food was a little scarce you were thinning out a little everywhere else but gaining weight in your stomach due to the baby growing.

You had distanced yourself from everyone, even Wayne. You hated yourself for it, but you couldn’t handle being around them. Every time you say them, especially Wayne, you thought about Eddie and the bond he had with that person and how much he loved them and how he should’ve been here with you and it just made you so fucking sad.

So no one knew that you were pregnant with Eddie’s baby. And as much as you wanted to keep it that way, you couldn’t. You were running out of money, you had next to no food left. You had to keep this baby alive, you couldn’t afford to have it die and have to go to a hospital and spend a fortune just to lose your child and not die in the process.

You knocked on Wayne’s door, feeling so shitty for ghosting him and coming back because you need something. He opened the door and gasped, smiling a little as he saw you. “Hey, hi oh my goodness. Are you alright, sweetheart? How have you been?” He asked, you were like another kid to him, he was so happy when Eddie found you.

You smiled for the first time in a while and said “I’m okay…how about you?” “Oh, god I miss my boy, I do. But it’s getting better. Look at the new trailer!” He said, smiling now. The government issued him a new one after all the damage and stuff and unbeknownst to you was sending checks monthly to help him out.

“It’s great, it’s beautiful actually” you said and he nodded. The way your face had sunken in and he could see you’d lost weight broke his heart and he invited you inside and you looked around a little, it was a bit bigger than the old one but it was practically the same layout. Wayne brought you some iced tea and said “where have you been? I’ve missed you, you know?”

“I- I know I kind of disappeared after everything went down. I-I just…I’ve been trying to stay away from here as much as I can to be honest. E-Everything reminds me of him and it’s too much sometimes…especially because I-…I-I uhm…” you said and he hummed.

“What is it?” He asked and you sniffled, the tears starting to fall. Your bottom lip quivered, you didn’t want to do this to him. You didn’t want to ruin his life and be a burden. He asked again and you shook your head.

“Nothing- N-Nothing, it’s just hard not having him here with me anymore” you said and he sighed. He grabbed your hand and said “what is it, sweetheart?” “It’s fine, Wayne” you insisted, but he wasn’t backing down.

You sighed and said “I-…I-I’m pregnant…I found out right after the whole murder charges and Vecna thing happened and I-I didn’t how to tell him so I didn’t. I-I regret it every damn day, not telling him about my pregnancy” “oh god, y/n. How could you deal with this by yourself? You need your family, you need support” he said and you sniffled.

You whimpered and said “I didn’t want to bother anyone. I-I can’t find a job anywhere and I’m worried cause I don’t have money or food and- a-and I don’t want something to happen to the baby because I can’t provide for i-it-” “hey, hey don’t worry. It’s okay. I’ll help you get a job, and I’ll make sure you have food and I will make sure you’re taken care of. That’s my great-nephew or niece you got in there, and you were Eddie’s favorite person. I’ll take care of you till I take my last breath, it’s what Eddie would have wanted” he said and you looked down.

“I’m so sorry,” you whimpered, and he sighed. He wiped your tears away and said “don’t you worry about it, y/n. I beg of you. I’m glad you came to me, I’m glad I get to take care Eddie’s family” “are you sure?” You asked and he nodded.

“T-Thank you. You don’t know how much I a-appreciate that” you said and he smiled. He wiped your tears away again and said “finish that tea please…when’s the last time you ate, huh?” He made you two grilled cheeses, but you only got through half of the second one which was okay with him, because at least you got enough to eat.

He then told you that he still made the bedroom in the trailer Eddie’s. He put all his stuff back in there exactly how it was in the old trailer. Granted, it was a little cleaner and he sold all the weed and stuff Eddie had but it was Eddie’s room. You nearly broke at the sight of his old room, so many memories made in it.

Hell, it’s probably where this baby was conceived. He also revealed that he found a little box underneath Eddie’s bed, with a ring inside it. You couldn’t believe it, Eddie was planning to propose? God, why did he have to get taken away from you so soon.

“Hey, hey woah don’t cry,” Wayne said and you whimpered, sitting on his bed. You let out a sob, putting the ring down next to you. You let out a shaky breath and said “I’m sorry I-I just…god this hurts” He pulled you into a hug, knowing you struggled the most out of everyone after Eddie’s death. You had a bond with Eddie like no other. You were two halves of a whole, and now one half is gone forever.

You wore the engagement ring. You didn’t want it to go to waste, and it reminded you that Eddie loved you so much that he was ready to be with you till the end. And he was. A few weeks later you decided to move into the trailer after a ton of persuasion from Wayne.

You were sleeping in his bedroom, which hurt a lot at first but at least you got to still have this extension of Eddie with all his posters, his DND stuff, his sweetheart, his favorite things, all of it. You had moved and organized and switched some things up for convenience, but kept it mostly the same.

You told the gang a few weeks later, and they were overjoyed to know you were okay and supported you completely after finding out you had a little Munson growing inside you. You eventually got a doctor's appointment, and thanks to health insurance you were able to get meds to help your morning sickness and found out that at that point you were 17 weeks pregnant, so 4 months, but next week you’d be 5 months.

You got a job as a waitress, which was stressful for your body but it paid the bills so it would have to do. You still visited Eddie’s grave, updating him on the pregnancy and how things were going. You loved feeling your baby kick, reminding you when you were feeling anxious that the baby was okay and sometimes bringing a smile to your face on your worst days.

You later found out it was a boy, and you honestly felt so grateful. You would’ve been happy with either, but since Wayne told you Munson genes were strong you’d hoped he’d come out looking like his dad and you could have a little mini Eddie for a son.

You’d always wanted you and Eddie’s babies to look like him, especially any boys. You’d been thinking about a future with Eddie since you first laid eyes on him. He was so perfect, so beautiful, so loveable.

Slowly, the pregnancy progressed and you looked huge. The baby was kicking tons and you were waddling, (but don’t anyone dare mention it, cause you’ll kill them) and you kept having to buy new bras because your boobs were growing like crazy cause of breastmilk or some shit you hadn’t paid attention to in the pregnancy books.

Wayne was really supportive, he read all those pregnancy books from the library during his breaks at work and you’d even see him reading them before bed. He was really strict about your medications, and got pretty mad when you didn’t eat 3 meals a day since you could swing it now with the new job and Wayne’s help.

He loved feeling the baby kick, it made him so happy. He kept an ultrasound picture in his wallet and came with you to whatever appointments he could. He even massaged your feet or rubbed your back for you when you asked. He also made sure you had those expensive stretch mark creams and stuff after Joyce told him you’d probably be a bit upset about how fast your body was growing and how most women don’t like their stretch marks.

It was still just as hard, grieving for Eddie, as it was a couple months ago. But now, you had your friends supporting you, you had guaranteed shelter and food and care now. You hoped Eddie was proud of you. You hoped he was smiling down at you, watching you get better and watching his little one grow just the same as you did. You hoped he was protecting you, hoped he was sending signals when things were about to go bad or things were about to take a turn.

Things got a little stressful when it came time for maternity leave. You had enough money saved to get you through it for a bit, and they would give you half your paycheck for as many weeks as you were on maternity leave but it was scary for you. You felt like if you weren’t working, everything would crumble.

But when Wayne realized you had convinced your boss to still let you work at 36 weeks pregnant he was so mad. “What the hell?” He muttered, realizing you weren’t home yet and it was 8pm. He called your job and you picked up, giving the classic greeting that you were trained to give but not before Wayne interrupted you.

“What in gods name are you doing? It’s 8 o clock, you need to be home” he said and you took a deep breath. You sighed and said “I’m fine Wayne, work just got late today” “work?! You are 9 months pregnant, y/n. Your doctor said you are supposed to be on maternity leave already. Get your ass home, now” he said and you rolled your eye’s unbeknownst to him.

“I am fine, Wayne. I’ll be home in a bit” you said and hung up the phone. He was getting a little over protective of you these last couple weeks, it was a little annoying to be quite honest. You understood where he was coming from, but you had to make sure you’d be able to provide for this little guy.

He was so upset when you got home at about 9pm, he could tell you were exhausted and definitely shouldn’t have been working this far into your pregnancy. “What the hell, y/n?! What are you thinking, god damn it? You have got to stay your ass home, you’re 9 months pregnant y/n!” He said and you sighed.

You set your bag to the side and said “Wayne, I don’t know how well half a paycheck is gonna support me and this baby for the next 2-3 months and if I can still work I’m going to” “Jesus- please you are literally due in 4 weeks. Barely a month! Your taking maternity leave, there’s no room for negotiating about it your not working anymore” he said and you scoffed.

You ran your hands through your hair and said “Wayne, I can still work just fine. It's not like I’m showing signs of giving birth soon. I can still go at least another week” “God, are you trying to get yourself hurt? You're gonna stress yourself out too much, you need to rest. You are about to have a baby, you are about to go through probably the worst thing you’ll ever go through in your life in just a few weeks” he said, not looking at you at the moment, upset.

He heard a sniffle and looked up, seeing you crying a little. You whimpered and said “I-I’m sorry…” “no, no I shouldn’t yell at you- fuck, I’m sorry. Look, I’m just worried about you for christ sake. You gotta stay home, y/n, you need to rest. The baby needs you to rest” you sniffled again and nodded.

You two never hugged much but with the pregnancy and your hormones he knew you needed it, so he pulled you into his arms. You rested your head on his chest, sobbing a little. “W-What if I- I hurt Eddie’s b-baby?” You asked and Wayne pulled away a little, making you look at him.

“Hey, hey this is not just Eddie’s baby. This is your baby too” he said and you whimpered. You felt a kick from your little guy, which only made you wanna cry more as you said “he’s all I h-have left of Eddie. None o-of that other stuff I have m-matters, this baby literally has Eddie DNA f-flowing through it’s veins. I just want to give h-him a good life, I want Eddie t-to be proud of me” “trust me, he is. He would be weeping like a damn baby at how strong you’ve been. You lost the love of your life and now have his child growing inside that you're going to have to take care of for the rest of your life” Wayne said and you let out a small sob.

“I just w-want him back so- s-so I can be happy a-again” you said and he shushed you, pulling you into another hug. You two talked it out some more, he made you some dinner and let you use the rest of the hot water in the shower and hopefully help you relax.

He got you on maternity leave the next day and for the first time in months you slept past 6am. It didn’t last too long, as you did have a very strong baby boy using your bladder as a bouncy house all the time but it was nice to not have so many responsibilities anymore.

Things got really painful those last few weeks. You were crying nearly everyday, constantly in pain or just uncomfortable. The baby was kicking so much, and you were having so many braxton hicks contractions yet nothing was happening.

The friend group was coming over a lot to help you while Wayne wasn’t there, especially Robin since you two had been friends since you were kids. You passed your due date and cried so hard in Robin's arms, you couldn’t take any more of this pain. She tried to comfort you but you just couldn’t calm down, you needed this baby out of you.

You didn’t go into labor for another 8 days, and you begged your doctor for induction but she wanted to wait and see if your body would do it naturally. It literally killed you, you couldn’t sleep, you couldn’t eat, you were in so much pain, you never stopped crying.

When you did finally go into labor, Wayne was at work and you were panicking. You called Steve and he didn’t pick up, then Nancy, and finally Robin did. “H-Hey- hey your a student d-driver right?” you asked and she answered yes. You let out a breath of relief, rubbing your bump as you said “c-can you come p-pick me up and take me to the h-hospital? It’s fine i-if you can’t I just- well, m-my water just broke and I’m hav-ving contractions so I-”

“What?! The baby’s coming? Holy shit- oh my- yes I’m on my way now” she said and hung up fast, you chuckled a little, making your way back towards Eddie’s old bedroom. You changed your pants and then had to stop for a minute because of the contractions.

Thankfully they weren’t too bad yet, but fuck they still hurt. You got the hospital bag out and then Robin came, you obviously knew she had broken so many traffic laws to get here. “Robin- I’m fine! The baby i-isn’t coming right this m-minute” you said as she was practically dragging you to the car.

You could feel another contraction coming but it was already painful. “R-Rob- mmh- no!” You said and grabbed onto the kitchen counter, squeezing thar and her hand. She turned around and said “shit- shit, I’m sorry. Okay, okay uhm…just uh, breathe. In and out like the books said”

She breathed with you, rubbing your back and letting you squeeze her hand as hard as you needed. She got you to the car once the pain faded away and drove you to the hospital, rambling a bunch which you didn’t mind because you knew it was just Robin.

You got to the hospital and everything was okay. You'd decided you were gonna have a natural birth because it was the least expensive and you enjoyed being able to feel your legs and walk around freely. Robin wasn’t too happy with this decision, her hand was already at its limits an hour in, but she’d die before she ever complained.

Your labor lasted about 21 hours, and it was rough to say the least. You were extremely emotional, you spent so much time crying the doctors thought you were gonna dehydrate yourself. You actually sprained Robin's hand, but she didn’t say anything until after the birth and everything.

Wayne lost his shit when he saw the note saying you were in labor and at the hospital. He drove so fast he barely remembers getting there. He arrived around the 14th hour of your labor, panicking and out of breath cause he ran so fast to get to you.

He finally went home to get some final hours of rest before this baby started keeping the both of you up all hours of the night after 3 hours of begging from you and Robin. You gave birth to your baby boy, James Edward Munson, at 8:34pm on October 31st, 1986. You didn’t even realize it was Halloween or even near Halloween, all you’d been focused on was waiting for your son to arrive.

You cried even more when the nurses and doctors laughed about it being Halloween, Eddie would’ve lost his shit if he knew his son was born on Halloween. You named him James after the guitarist of Metallica, which you hoped Eddie would be proud of too.

He was gorgeous, and looked just like his daddy which you knew he would. “Gosh, you’re so handsome, baby. Look at those eyes,” you said softly, kissing his head a few times. He cooed and you smiled, caressing his tiny cheek with your finger.

He was surprisingly small, 6 pounds 10 ounces. You were glad he had that extra week in there, even though it hurt like hell you would’ve waited as long as you needed to to have your baby healthy. Robin had gone to get you some food, you were in too much pain to even want to drink water and she was concerned at this point.

She came in and smiled, quickly grabbing the Polaroid camera she snuck with her and taking a picture of you smiling down at a squirmy little James in your arms. You gasped and chuckled, Robin giggling behind the camera. “I look really bad, Robin. I just went through practically an entire day of pain and had a freaking baby” you said and she shook her head.

“Exactly! You’re like crazy strong and you still look breathtaking by the way” she said and set the camera down, bringing you the soup you requested from your favorite soup place. You slowly placed James in his little bassinet, wincing from how sore your body was.

You scarfed down your food, it tasted so good and soothed your aching throat from all the yelling during your labor. James started fussing a lot and letting out little sobs, and the nurse came in and helped you breastfeed him. “Are you good? Can I look now?” Robin asked and you said yes with a small chuckle.

James was under the nursing cover suckling away for milk, happily cooing every few moments and squirming in his swaddle. “You know you’re actually crazy right? You made this entire human with your body and just pushed it out of you and now you're making it’s only source of food and nutrients? How the hell is that even possible?” Robin said and you chuckled.

She’d been trying to wrap her head around the idea that there was a baby inside you the entire pregnancy, she literally watched it come out of you and halfway still didn’t believe it. It was crazy to think you or anyone, including herself, was capable of creating a human.

“Yea, I know it’s crazy. Trust me, I had to feel this thing moving inside me and it was insane…” you said and smiled, playing with his little fingers that had wiggled out of his swaddle. You looked down at your engagement ring and sighed softly, wondering if Eddie was seeing this right now and how he would’ve been acting, sitting next to you and watching you feed a baby the two of you created.

“You okay?” She asked and you sighed softly. You bit your lip, trying to fight tears before you said “we- w-we should’ve been able to get married. We should’ve b-been able to experience this pregnancy to-together, and raise our baby together and watch i-it grow together. We should’ve gotten the chance to e-even think about having another b-baby. It’s n-not fair…h-he should’ve gotten to f-feel his son kick, h-he should’ve gotten to freak out about h-him being born on H-Halloween he- h-he should’ve been able to freak out about m-me wanting to- t-to name him James after his favorite bands guitarist he- oh god…h-he shouldn’t have fucking died”

Robin sat next to you and pulled you into a hug, running her hands through your tangled and greasy hair, knowing there was nothing she could do to make you feel better. You were a single mother who was still grieving for your soulmate's death. Nothing could make you feel better. Except for Eddie.

Things got better over the years, and eventually you were able to afford your own apartment. James was the happiest and sweetest, most well behaved baby you’d ever seen, and that continued as he got older. He was Eddie’s twin for sure, everytime you looked at him you could see Eddie’s smile, Eddie’s eyes, you could see Eddie.

The gang helped you raise him so much. Mike, Lucas, Will, and especially Dustin taught him how to play D&D. Steve, Robin, Nancy, and Jonathan would drop everything if you needed someone to watch him for a few hours while you went to work or if you had to run errands. He spent so much time at Grandpa Wayne’s too. (of course he was Grandpa Wayne, why wouldn’t he be?)

When he went to kindergarten, he started asking about his dad and where he was. Everyone else at school had a dad, so where was his? You told him that daddy wasn’t with us anymore, he went to heaven after saving the world. Out of curiosity, he started asking what he looked like, and what he was like and if he looked like him. “You two might as well be twins, bubba” you said and chuckled, wiping away your tears.

You showed him all the pictures you had, some tapes you had of him playing his music or just him filming for the hell of it. James thought it was so cool to see him singing in Uncle Gareth's basement, hearing you giggling behind the camera at his head banging and all his goofy little movements.

You were glad that he wasn’t upset about not having a dad, you don’t even want to think about how bad that would’ve hurt. As he got older, he noticed you definitely weren’t as happy as you were with Eddie. You’d watch the videos on his birthday every year together, and every year he’d notice the sparkle in your eye and the smile on your face that he’d never seen once.

When he was older and got himself a job and then a car, he’d take care of you really well. Grandpa Wayne was proud of his grandson for taking care of his mother and treating her right. Eddie would be just as proud.

He’d notice days where she didn’t want to get out of bed or he’d hear her crying herself to sleep and it broke his heart. He accidentally let his hair grow out for a while and oh my god did he look like his dad. Sure, he got made fun of a bit for it but when his mom started noticing it and it made her happy he kept it.

When it grew out enough and he cut the bangs he looked identical to Eddie. It was honestly kind of freaky. He started messing around with a guitar too, learned a couple of his dad's songs and nearly flipped his shit when you pulled Eddie’s sweetheart out of your closet.

He promised he’d be extra careful with it and he was, he was super happy to be able to even look at the guitar. He even played D&D from time to time with Dustin, Mike, Will, and Lucas whenever the group would get together, it’s how they bonded. Steve helped you teach him how to drive, and he was the one who gave the sex talk too.

When Wayne passed away, James was heartbroken. It was a little sudden, he died in his sleep of natural causes. Of course he was getting older and you both knew it was only a matter of time but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

He was really good about supporting you, knowing from stories you and some of his aunts and uncles told him that Grandpa Wayne took you in when you had nowhere else to go after you lost Eddie. Grandpa Wayne always took care of you, James had seen that through the years.

You loved your son more than anything, and we’re so proud of the man he became. He went to college, and became a pediatric therapist, which kind of shocked you a bit but you were proud of him for breaking the cycle in the Munson line of not going to college and never really being successful.

He met a girl and within a few years, married her and gave you two gorgeous granddaughters and a handsome little grandson. You were so proud of your baby boy. But man did you wish your boyfriend could see his son, and how good he turned out.

Taglist: @readsalot73

As of now I’m writing for

Eddie Munson

Joseph Quinn

Jamie Bower

Steve Harrington

Robin Buckley

Eddissy

Maya Hawke

So just comment the taglist you want to be added to and I’ll add you :)

#stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson fanfic

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commander-hanji-zoe · 3 months

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Cherry Blossom

I wrote this during NaNoWriMo, just didn't have a chance to edit and post it.

Just a short story/drabble really set after the end of the Manga/Show. Levi is feeling reflective as he watches cherry blossom fall, he thinks back to happy memories of his and Hanji's birthdays, he things about how he marks the anniversary of Hanji and Erwin's deaths. Then he thinks about what he wants from the future.

No warning really - Just a bit sad . Word Count - 1,428

Levi studied the falling cherry blossom ahead of him, soft petals fell like dancers in the air. The scent of Spring and damp earth brought forth a renewed hope even when hope wasn’t something he clung to anymore. Not because he’d lost it, but because he didn’t need to.

The hope he, Erwin, Hanji and so many others had believed in for most of their lives had not been in vain, he and the life he now lived, was proof of that. But what Levi just wished he had was someone to share it with.

He meandered along letting the blossom fall around him, birds in the trees sung their merry tune and the late afternoon sun warmed his pale skin. He was contemplating what to do with his life now, whether he should travel despite the protests of Mikasa, Armin and the others who didn’t want to lose another of their comrades.

On the anniversary of Hanji’s birthday, he sat by the river and silently toasted them. The younger generation made much more of a fuss over it, loudly clinking their glasses and reminiscing over their old Commander and friend. But Levi needed time alone to contemplate, Hanji had been their saviour without whom he’d likely be dead, without whom he wasn’t sure they would have even succeeded.

He watched children as they ran by playing, some riding bicycles and chasing one another. Even though the deaths of the others hurt, it was worth it to see this. He recalled one year on Hanji’s birthday where they declared that it was also the birthday of one of the titan’s – Sonny, Levi seemed to recall. Of course, it was nonsense, but it meant something to Hanji and made her smile. Hanji baked him a birthday cake which he didn’t want and before Moblit could retrieve it so at least the Vets could enjoy it, Sonny smashed it up, splattering of buttercream and icing flew across the wall, him and Hanji. Hanji being in a silly mood licked some off his cheek causing Moblit to blush a tremendous shade of red. Levi chuckled quietly at this memory, life wasn’t easy then and there was a lot of fear and uncertainty around, but there had been happy moments like this.

As Levi begun to think of Erwin he simply lost track of time, or of how chilly it was feeling now it was late dusk. His hands were placed across his lap, fingers pale, how he longed for Erwin’s hands on his. He could move soon, go home and make a nice cup of tea, after-all tea makes everything better doesn’t it? It did when Erwin was around, his heart felt heavy as he longed for the other.

Every anniversary of Erwin’s death that went by, Levi would have time alone to reflect. Life wasn’t easy without him. Grief would appear from nowhere some days, uninvited but not unwelcome. Grief was the highest price you could pay in life, but the bargaining chip was love and to have known that love, the grief he now felt he would happily live every day until he died.

A memory came to Levi and although he’d never say it aloud when he walked along this path, he often imagined Erwin was walking beside him. Sometimes he was sure he could see his ghost, Erwin was always smiling, Levi in return would find it hard to smile but he tried just in case Erwin really could see him. There was one time when he reached his hand out believing just for a second that Erwin was still alive and next to him.

There had been no feeling lonelier than that when Erwin didn’t hold his hand in return, when Levi remembered he was alone. He remembered the first time they kissed, a moment stolen away from their comrades and friends underneath an oak tree in Autumn. The colours of the season always reminded Levi of Erwin, it was the colour of his hair, his smile, that first kiss, his aura. Everything had been golden with Erwin. Life had made sense.

His spine tingled and travelled up to his head as if someone were running their fingers through his hair softly. He let out a sigh as he sat on a bench and allowed himself to truly remember. One hand traced the others, he remembered how much bigger Erwin’s hands had been than his, how when they kissed Erwin would often pick him up so he could wrap his legs around his waist, yes, those were the sweetest kisses.

The first time they went to bed together it had been nothing like he was expecting, Erwin was soft and gentle, there was no room for concern or doubt within the walls of that room. Erwin, his golden god. He had swept Levi off his feet, quite literally and they’d tumbled in the sheets together.

As for Hanji, Levi chuckled thinking that if his past self knew how much he missed them now, he never could have believed it. Hanji had become the friend and confidant that had saved his life and given him purpose again. He missed them, even the younger Hanji their science experiments and over enthusiasm about everything. He longed for Hanji to be chattering away in his ear and for their cooking, which in the end wasn’t so bad.

He wished he could be sat on a picnic blanket with all of them, with Oluo, Gunther, Eld, Petra…with Mike, Nanaba, Hanji, Moblit…. with Erwin. He wished they were laughing and drinking tea or wine. It wasn’t fair they had never experienced most of the things others took for granted. Those happy and carefree memories were so far and few between, the thought of it made him sad, but worse was the guilt that he had survived when they hadn’t.

“I don’t know how to go on without you my love,” he whispered.

A tear formed and fell softly down his cheek, perhaps it was this place. It was too close to his former life, there was too much pain here.

“I don’t know where I belong.” He continued, it always helped to speak to Erwin.

He waited for an answer, but none came. He looked towards the glowing lights in windows, perhaps if he went to see those who remained, those who carried the same scars as him and therefore with whom he’d formed an irrevocable bond, he might find comfort.

In a nearby Tavern, which was frequented by his friends, he found them as he was sure he would. And it was there he explained his plan to Mikasa, Armin, Conny, Jean and Annie. It was there where he realised just how the thought of him moving away clearly troubled the others.

***********************

“You won’t be losing me,” Levi tried to comfort them.

“When would you be back?” Jean asked.

Levi sighed, they were so much older and had seen such darkness, such violence, and yet there were moments where they behaved so much like children. But then they were all those who had their childhood’s stolen from them, unable to live a safe and happy life.

“I couldn’t say.” Levi answered honestly, before they had a chance to respond he continued, “But you don’t need me, you think you do because of everything we have been through together, but you will be okay all of you. You have your life ahead of you to live it how you choose, to experience all the things you never even knew existed and I, I also have my life that I need to live.”

Armin spoke solemnly, “So you’re decided, you’re leaving us.”

Levi had to laugh at this over-reaction, what would Erwin say if he was here? A chuckle escaped his lips, “No, I am learning to let go and move on. It doesn’t mean you’ll be forgotten or that I won’t be back, I will in time.” He paused thoughtfully, “Perhaps by then some of you too will have moved on yourselves.”

The others cast glances around the group, uncertain of what the future held. “It will come to you all in time. Trust me, learning to hold on when you need to, but equally learning to let go when the time is right, that is one of the most important lessons I will leave you with.”

Levi knew before the conversation with the others had even begun, his mind was made up, he would travel and see more of the world and someday perhaps he would find happiness once more.

#Levi Ackerman #Hanji Zoe #Erwin Smith #After the war #my writing #drabbles #levi x erwin

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wicked-elfie · 2 years

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Time Swap (ROTMNT)

Time Swap AU created by @teetlezhere

Chapter 8

TW: mentions of death, but honestly nothing really besides that, Leo just gets a little sad and dissociated :)

Beginning / Previous / Next

( lil mild chapter so we don't have to worry about our blood pressure too much! except the end! )

~*~*~*~*~

In the present…

“Ooookay! So, as we’ve discussed, Old Leonardo needs to restore his connection with the Hamato Nimpō. I have compiled a list of several ways to achieve this.” Donatello taps at his phone. A large box labeled The Bagel House sits in the center of the kitchen island, emitting a warm and toasty scent of baked bread. Donnie picks out a white cheddar sausage patty sandwich from the yellow-colored cardstock box. As he munches on the edge of the bagel he taps an arrow button on his device. “I am sending you both all of the information pertaining to my plan.”

Mikey is half laid down on the countertop, his arms outstretched as he peers forward at his text messages. His eyebrows bend in confusion, “Uh, Donnie? All of these sound kinda… life threatening.”

“I agree. Are you sure we can’t jus’ smash the key?” Raph is studying his phone in concern about the contents of the list as well.

The soft-shelled ninja grumbles, “No. We are not: smashing it, burning it, flushing it, eating it, throwing it away, tying it to a firework, chopping it into pieces, running it over with the tank, and no, Mikey we are not going to try to feed it to Splinter’s new fish. Its. Mouth. Is. Too. Small.” He sends a disapproving glare to the youngest.

“I didn’t even say anything!” the teen whines and haphazardly topples his phone onto the island. He folds up his arms around his chin and mumbles, serving a disappointed side eye, “Could’a worked, though…”

Raphael sets his phone down and bargains with the middle brother, “Don, we can’t just throw him off a building.”

“Why not? We’ve done it before. He’s literally just our Leo, but old.” Donatello’s drawn-on eyebrows scrunch together in honest non-understanding.

“Donnie! Stop calling him that, and stop being so insensitive! He could get hurt!” Raphael crosses his arms, giving the air of a frustrated father.

“But the stakes are what bring the heightened emotional state! Besides, the point is us catching him! If we can increase his adrenal functioning, then we increase our chances for emotional connection through trust! It’s scientifically proven to work effectively!” the middle child argues, only to be met with silence and a clear lack of support. “Fine. Well, if you don’t like it then why don’t you come up with an idea.” A metallic arm from Donatello’s battle shield snags his purple-cased phone and pulls it away for storage. He folds his arms over his plastron and glances between his brothers. “Well?”

After a quiet moment of contemplation, Mikey sits up on his elbows, “Oooh, I know!” He stands up fully and his eyes glow, “He just needs a *therapy session!*”

Donnie rolls his eyes, “Scoff. My idea is clearly better. He’s not just gonna willingly talk to us about anything. Did you see how he reacted to just the mention of how he lost his powers? He’s not telling us the whole truth. Old Leonardo doesn’t want us to know something.” He whispers to his shoulder, “All the more reason we should try throwing him off a building.”

Raphael shakes his head in disagreement, “Well, we could at least give Mikey’s idea a shot. That way no one has to get physically hurt…”

Mikey pipes up, “Only emotionally!”

“Okay, so I’m gonna go back to my lab now so I don’t have to experience this. Let me know when your plan doesn’t work and you need me and my far superior plan to fix it.” Donatello huffs and heads towards the hall. As he reaches the doorway, he nearly crashes into a tall blue-banded slider mutant.

Leonardo scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, “Sorry. I smelled food and my stomach started trying to fight me…” Donatello grumbles and skirts the warrior before continuing down the corridor to his laboratory. Leo sighs and his hand rests on his collar as he stares after the genius boy. Why won’t he talk to me?

Mikey is gleaming at his big brother as he snags a bagel and shoves it into Leo’s chest. “New York City’s finest breakfast item! I got you an everything with bacon, egg, and cheese! Your favorite!”

The taller mutant smiles sweetly down at his younger brother before happily taking the sandwich into his hands. “Thank you, Michael. That is my favorite.” He swallows nervously as he stares at the perfect roll and decadently layered toppings; It feels as though a fountain is flooding his mouth. He tries not to drool over the kitchen floor as he takes one nervous bite. The egg is still hot, the cheese is perfectly melty, the bagel is fresh, and the bacon… is so salty. His eyes well up a tad at the glorious feeling dancing across his taste buds. Hardly a moment is wasted before he engulfs the rest of the sandwich. “Jeez, I forgot what food tastes like.” He licks the leftover crumbs from his fingertips.

Mikey’s eyes shimmer with worry, “T-there’s… no food?”

Leonardo’s brow presses together in the middle as he sets a hand on his little brother’s shoulder, “Hey, it’s okay. We have food, it’s just… Well, we have other stuff! Like…” His lips press into a flat line as he thinks. He grins as he remembers, “Oh! We still have twinkies! We only use them for birthdays, but they last forever!”

The smallest turtle grins, “Oh-mi-gosh, I love twinkies! Well, it’s good to know we still have each other and those scrumptious, delicious little cream filled cakes!” He heads back to the counter to snag a rainbow bagel with a strawberry cream cheese filling. Raphael meets Leo’s eyes.

“Yeah, so… We were thinkin’, and… well, so, Donnie says you need to reconnect with your family nimpō, right? So we figured, you lose that connection if y’a feel… emotionally, uh… hurt… Y’a know, cause like… somethin’ happened to make y’a sad, and…” His soft eyes fall to the tile floor as he wrings his hands.

“We decided you need therapy! But obviously we can’t go above ground so, who do you wanna talk to? I would personally pick me, because I’m the most ‘emotionally mature,’ according to April!” Mikey stands straight and dusts off his chest, feigning a professional stance.

Leonardo chuckles, “Yeah Mikey, you are the most in tune with emotion, but I think I know who I want to talk to.” He lays a gentle hand on Michaelangelo's shell before turning to Raphael. “Where is he? Dad?”

The snapping turtle sighs and motions towards the living room with his chin. “He’s been avoidin’ you since y’a showed up.” Leo lifts the corners of his mouth in appreciation. He taps Mikey’s carapace and thanks him genuinely for the bagel and the offer.

As he exits the room and approaches the living area, he finds himself dragging his feet. He zones out, running on autopilot as he drifts toward the worn recliner he never thought he’d see again. A Japanese soap opera runs in flickering light on the wall, and he watches the scene play out. A woman is laughing with her friend as they discuss something; He wishes he remembered any of the language that he had learned from his father, but he hardly even recalls any of the Spanish he had practiced with Donatello growing up. Everything about this place is so foggy: the pile of dvds on a shelf nearby, a large, soft rug, and a lava lamp in the corner catches his eye.

He sucks in a troubled breath as he finally gains the strength to continue his path to his father. He observes every detail as he comes within reach. As he stands by the chair, his eyes follow up from the man’s weathered, spindly hands, to his old robe, and then to his scruffy white beard. He feels his heart jump to his chest when he finally meets his gaze with Splinter’s. He didn’t hear the television shut off. He hadn’t even realized that he had fallen to his knees, or that he was clinging to his father’s legs, his face pressed into his lap. He didn’t even feel the tears as they rolled down his cheeks when he looked up and cried, “Dad…”

He melts into a puddle as two arms gently wrap around his head. The rat mutant decides to comfort the warrior, holding him close to his chest as the turtle’s two scarred hands find their way behind Splinter’s back. “Son…”

—

Somewhere far away in time and space…

Tentacles slip down the hall with a disgusting sludging sound. Yellow eyes raise to ogle a large holographic monitor in the command room. A sticky, nasally voice croaks out, “See? They seem to have had some… technical, or shall I say, mystical difficulties… How do we want to react, Krang?”

Krang Prime appears sinisterly from the shadows, one vine-like hand resting under his chin. “How interesting…They seem to have shrunk their leader!” He chuckles and lays a tentacle into the goo below the image, adjusting to zoom in. “Ah, and he still has his powers. It’s a shame. If he behaves as tactlessly as I remember him to, then he’ll just portal right into his own demise… Do nothing for now. He’ll make himself known. I shall have great fun tearing him apart.” He pauses and his brow lifts as he moves to face a body beside the doorway “Oh! And I’m sure you’ll want to watch when I finally get to meet with him? Perhaps I’ll even let you carry his carcass away. I’m sure you’d love the opportunity with that thorn in my side that you so dearly refer to as ‘brother,’ hm?” He flicks against the steel plate covering the shadow’s chest. “I need to feed. Machine, retrieve me a new meal. Perhaps something… fresher this time?” He turns back to the monitor as the silhouette bows their head before exiting.

A purple, robotic eye glows brightly down the dark corridor as stiff, mechanical steps hiss and clank. Green skin reflects from an arm, half a leg, and half of the servant’s face. This living side is twisted up in horror: the remaining eye, dark and troubled.

#rottmnt #rotmnt #rottmnt movie #mikey #michaelangelo #leo #leonardo #donnie #donatello #raph #raphael #fluff #mostly #angst #just a little #splinter #april o'neil #time swap au

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conduitandconjurer · 2 years

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what is the saddest klaus moment in your opinion?

Let’s begin with this image, and contemplate WHY Klaus is SO happy (no, it’s not just because he feels safe and invincible, it’s deeper):

He thinks he’s onto something about himself. Keep reading.

I don't think I can narrow it down to a single moment so much as all the moments that demonstrate a single concept:

What I still find so sad about Klaus is that he is still so desperately yearning for praise and validation from a loved one, even by the end of Season 3, that he will stay in, or even actively seek to regain, relationships with family that have proven to hurt him, and even traumatize him, deeply. (Since someone asked me this, this desperation for praise and validation, for a reassurance that he has a reason to even exist at all, is also, btw, why he's desperate to seek out his birthmother, but we'll get to that in another post). He needs to know he's more than the "lookout." He needs proof that all he has to look forward to is not further partings, losses, "goodbyes":

Klaus seeks out an alternate timeline Reginald because, despite his highly accurate, contemptuous dismissals of Reginald in Season 1 ( "he hated kids too but sure had a lot of us," "I bet you're really enjoying this [of watching Luther and Diego come to blows at Reginald's funeral], "we were just kids," etc), Reginald still symbolizes, embodies, Klaus's first (remembered) caretaker, and the many disciplines of developmental psychology tell us that you form your schema about how the world works (socially, psychologically, culturally, etc), about how attachments between two people work, about where and how you measure self-worth, from your first caretaker (usually a parent). With Reginald's inevitably abusive actions, Klaus is therefore still willing to put up with what he KNOWS will hurt him, and he goes from this, announcing his reason for seeking Reginald's counsel:

to this, where he is being painfully killed and resuscitated over and over, but that desperate for a sense of purpose and worth that he is HAPPY about what it might gain him:

and finally, after that same person who is his source of validation abandons him the moment his usefulness becomes an inconvenience ( "You're just more trouble than you're worth," ), to this ( image by @i-seeaspaceshipinthe-sky: )

Please pause to contemplate the tragedy of that statement. Klaus believes that he is a "loser and a freak, making mistake after mistake," not because of all the bad things that were done to him by others, but because something INHERENT to him DOES NOT BELONG IN THE WORLD OF THE LIVING AT ALL. He BELIEVES that! As of the final episode in the season!

And he only snaps out of it (and, I believe, only partially) because he wants to help his family.

This is also why Klaus seeks out Sparrow!Ben when he knows that logically, he is an entirely different being than the guy Klaus grew up with, the guy that lampreyed onto the Klaus-shark and, in desperation, took advantage of Klaus's powers to stick around their family indefinitely after dying (I don't blame Ben for this, but it surely did nothing to contradict that Klaus is only good for things involving his death-powers, more on that in a second). But, even though Klaus and Ben became virulently codependent by Season 2, with terrible mutual mistreatment, Klaus still sought Ben out AGAIN because even toxic codependency is a better buffer to total solitude and perceived uselessness than being completely alone. And, of course, Klaus always felt that being an open channel to the beloved dead brother would be his trump card to remain useful enough for the family to keep Klaus around. Ben was, is, Klaus's security, his "at least I can do THIS right," when he believes that otherwise he will disappear unnoticed.

I know no one wants to hear this because Klave is such a popular ship, but it’s also why Klaus kept trying to come back to save Dave from his own future in S2. Even when Dave was closeted and dealing with internalized homophobia, even when Dave rejected him twice and it ended up getting Dave enlisted sooner. Because Dave was the first person outside of Klaus’s family to give Klaus evidence that he was “worth the trouble.”

Finally, I fully believe this is the only reason why Klaus ran off with Luther at the end of Season 3, instead of one of his historically closer siblings, like Diego or Five. Luther--albeit in ways I find problematic--was the ONLY sibling throughout the entire Kugelblitz to give Klaus that earnest praise: "You're the King of Death, brother, and I believe in you." He’s not the only sibling to be NICE to Klaus--Diego and Five both were, too--but he IS the only one to offer words of affirmation. Did Luther also behave not-so-well to Klaus during that same scenario? Yes. Did Klaus forgive it and stumble over himself to go after Luther? Also yes.

See the self-destructive pattern? And the tragic irony that Klaus keeps doing the same thing SEEKING TO HEAL?

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It has been said that Klaus has an "addictive personality," and that when he can't get addicted to a substance, he switches to ideas and people instead. That is certainly true, but I think his "addiction" to Reginald and Ben is also proof of an underlying need to be valued for something that is intrinsically KLAUS, and no one else.

It is not so much that Klaus can’t help getting addicted to things (that is also, to an extent, true), so much as that Klaus is simply human, and starved for acceptance.

What's saddest of all is Klaus is WAY MORE than Death. He's the DOORWAY between the living and dead, the unusually permeable osmotic barrier of spirits. I can’t remember who, but someone recently had a BRILLIANT observation here on Tumblr that every time Klaus spends a little longer in the Void after dying, he brings a little more color (LIFE) to what was black and white. His powers go BOTH WAYS.

And he still doesn't realize that (even after impaling himself on the buffalo horn to escape the Kugelblitz) because even the rare times he's valued for who he is and what he can do, everyone is focused on "you're Death and dying and ghosts!" Same deal with the scene in the graveyard where he nuked all those ghosts to please Reginald. Right now Klaus's self-esteem is a cycle of trauma because his trauma was BORN in his powers (thanks again Reginald!) so any time he uses them solely to deal with ghosts and death, it just cycles back to the source of his substance abuse, PTSD, self-thwarting habits, people pleasing passivity, etc etc. Klaus needs to learn he is MORE THAN WHAT HE CAN DO FOR OTHERS, MORE THAN DEATH.

And while I HATE the "oh noes we lost our powers" trope in any storyline, MAYBE, just MAYBE, Klaus will be allowed to learn what more he is and can be when he has no choice but to put ghosts and immortality on hold.

#meta #Klaus Hargreeves

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