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trektraveler · 2 years

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Nightingale Chapter Sixteen: The Fourth Wall

Summary: Jensen Ackles seemed to have it all. A hit television series fifteen years running, a budding music career and a stunning wife. To the casual observer, his life was perfect. But it was a façade. No more real than the supernatural world created on a soundstage.

That day on the lake had started with uncertainty, but when he pulled you from the water everything became clear. The truth was, he’d been the one drowning.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Jensen x Reader, Jensen x You

Characters: Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Genevieve Padalecki, Misha Collins, Reader

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Drowning, Fluff, Angst, Smut, unprotected sex

Chapter Sixteen: The Fourth Wall

Word Count: 4176

Author’s Notes: This is a complete work of fiction about a real life person. The circumstances are totally made up and are in no way a commentary on the fantastic Jensen Ackles or his family.

This is also a unique reader insert story as I have given the reader a physical description including hair color, eye color and body type. Hopefully you can still lose yourself in the utter fantasy where Jensen is the hero and you are ripe for rescuing!

Additional Notes: The response to this story has been beyond my expectations! You guys have been the best! Thank you for continuing to read my work and encourage me, its kept my eye on the prize :) Additional Additional Notes: THANK YOU! Seriously... thank you all for sticking around for this. Some of you know the struggles I've been dealing with , some of you don't, but it doesn't matter. I am grateful for the support of each and every one of you who keeps coming back to read this story. This chapter really gave me trouble, I hope it was worth the wait.

Series Masterlist

Both your phone and Jensen’s buzzed at the same time. You knew who it was before you even looked.

“Solomon,” he said, scrolling through the details of the text. “Jesus. This itinerary reads like a weekend convention circuit. Seriously, who goes out this much?”

“Breakfast and strolling at the Ester Short Park farmer’s market. Tour of the Van Dusen Botanical Gardens. Coffee at Shaughnessy’s. Window shopping downtown. Couples’ yoga. Oohh! Tickets to Hamilton on Friday night!”

Jensen’s brow crinkled and those little disapproving brackets appeared at the corners of his mouth. “Yoga? Seriously? I don’t have that…”

You lifted a shoulder in a shrug, “Couples Tantric Yoga at Good Vibrations Studios. Wow… the room is heated to 105 degrees to sweat in tandem with your partner. Open your chakras and your bodies to this intimate practice first discovered in the unpublished Kama Sutra. Wow, I didn’t know they bent that way…”

That had him grabbing your phone. “Seriously?! Fucking Solomon signed us up for sweaty sex yoga?!”

The indignant bluster blew out of his sails a moment later and you broke into laughter.

“You’re hilarious,” he deadpanned.

Your mischievous grin only grew, “You seem disappointed! Why don’t we call and see if they can squeeze us in to the class on Sunday?”

You made a grab for the phone, and he held it over his head, out of reach. Dodging your hands and tickling you at the same time. Your attempts to tickle him back had no effect and only made him double his efforts. Torturing you until you were practically crying with giggles. Suddenly, he hoisted you over his shoulder, bouncing you a bit as he walked through the apartment.

“Jensen! That’s cheating!” You laughed as you squirmed in his grasp.

He tossed you down on the bed in a giggling mess then threw himself down beside you. “There’s no cheating when there’s no rules, Sweetheart.”

You tried to catch your breath as he moved strands of blonde hair away from your face. “You aren’t even ticklish.”

“Used to be, my older brother would sit on me and torture tickle me until I peed my pants.”

“How’d you get over it?”

“I found ways to distract myself,” he murmured, his eyes flickering over your face.

“Mind over matter?”

“Something like that.”

The two of you had shared countless kisses, but you never grew tired of them. Your heartrate kicked up the moment his lips touched yours, excitement heating your blood the same today as it did the first time. His strong hands roamed your body, seeking out the secret places that responded so readily. You yielded to his touch and surrendered on a sigh.

He ended the kiss before he could get too carried away. The FBI had the whole place bugged and the two of you agreed early on that there would be no sex until this mess was behind you. He pulled you up against him and placed a kiss to your hairline.

“Better?”

You nodded, relaxing into his embrace. Your eyes closed as he threaded his fingers through your hair and gently massaged the nape of your neck. He always did that when your migraines were bad. Once your concussion healed, they were practically gone but with all the stress of the investigation, they were back with a vengeance.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured into his chest. “About earlier.”

“It was an understandable reaction, that guy came up out of nowhere. I didn’t even see him come up behind us.”

“I nearly had a panic attack in the middle of the street. I probably traumatized your poor fans.”

“Yeah, well I traumatize them every Thursday night so, they’re used to it by now,” Jensen joked, moving his hand to stroke your back. “How can I help, baby? Tell me what I can do to make it better.”

“I don’t know if it can get much better. I mean, Solomon sends us pictures of the under-cover agents every day. Both of us are wearing tracking devices. This place is completely wired and under surveillance. Everything we do is planned out to the last detail. I know we are as safe as we can be I just… I can’t stop thinking about him.” Your chest immediately grew tight, and you fought to keep your breathing under control.

“Every time we leave this apartment, I’m looking for him. I’m searching the faces of everyone we pass, wondering if the next one I see will be his. I feel like a little kid, scared of the boogey man is hiding in the closet!”

“Is that why you’ve been leaving the bathroom light on at night?”

“Maybe,” you muttered. “I know it’s stupid.”

“It’s justified.”

“Maybe,” you said again. “I wish I could be as calm as you are in crowds. It never seems to rattle you.”

“Oh, I’m rattled, believe me. But I’ve got a job to do, and I just focus on it. Nothing is more important than that, everything else falls away.”

“You mean acting?”

“I mean taking care of you,” he curled a finger under your chin, coaxing your gaze to meet his. “We’re in it together. Every day, it’s you and me, Sweetheart.”

“Stronger together.” You said it at the same time he did. It had become your mantra over the past two weeks.

It was your prayer to each other. You said every time you set foot outside of the safety bubble of your apartment. Every time the two of you stopped for pictures with fans. Every time the paparazzi followed the two of you through a public park or into a restaurant. Every time you needed reassurance, Jensen would squeeze your hand and whisper it in your ear.

It worked well to calm your nerves. At first. But as time dragged on with no sign of Arthur Green, the pressure and anxiety built. You were jumpy, bordering on paranoid. When that aggressive fan popped up as you were crossing the boulevard, it triggered a reaction so severe that Jensen’s magic phrase didn’t work. You were so shaken up that the two of you went directly home, despite not completing the daily agenda.

“I just wish I could do a better job in all this. I know I’m supposed to look happy and carefree… Green’s never going to show himself if he thinks this is a trap.” You sighed and fiddled with the buttons on Jensen’s shirt. “I’ve never had much of a poker face.”

“Everyone has a poker face; you just have to find your focus. That’s all acting is, really. Keeping your focus.”

“I guess that’s why you’re the actor and I’m the doctor.”

A thoughtful look crossed his face, as if he’d just realized the answer to a difficult crossword. His clear, green eyes lit with enthusiasm, and he sat up, tugging you with him.

“Come on, I’ve got an idea.”

“What are we doing in your closet?” You asked from your cross-legged position on the carpeted floor.

Jensen closed the door and stuffed a rolled-up towel against the threshold so that not even a sliver of light could peek through. “We’re creating the fourth wall.”

“What?”

He walked to the bank of drawers along the back wall and searched through the contents. “It’s an old actor’s trick, you’ll see.”

He returned with one of his silk ties in his hand. It was a subtle blue on blue paisley pattern that he wore on one of your dates ages ago.

He handed it to you and sat on the floor across from you, folding his bowed legs up with a grunt.

“I love this tie.”

“I know you do,” he smiled softly at you. “Do you remember that night? That little Italian place around the corner from your hospital?”

“Of course, I do.”

It had been a week since you and Jensen reconciled. You held strong to your decision not to move back in with him. You were determined to take things slow and not fall back into old patterns. You wanted this to last, you both did and that meant rebuilding trust. The man didn’t make it easy though!

For his part, Jensen was the perfect gentleman. Sweet, attentive, respectful, funny, charming. Good morning texts and calls during his down time on set. He invited you over for dinner midweek, made your favorite spaghetti and even sent you home with leftovers for lunch. There were bone melting kisses and hand holding, but he never initiated anything more. He wanted you to set the pace.

On Friday, you arrived at work and found a shallow planter the size of a hubcap overflowing with an array of tiny, blue flowers waiting for you. Along with a card.

Have a great day, gorgeous! – Love, J

Val came up beside you, her eyes wide, “Wow! Who sent you those?”

You grinned and ran your fingers over the bright, bell-shaped blossoms. “They’re from Jensen.”

“Really? Anniversary or apology?”

You slipped the small card into the pocket of your lab coat, “Neither.”

“Come on, he must have done something. No guy sends…. What kind of flowers are they?”

“Bluebonnets. Texas Bluebonnets.”

“Right. Anyway, there’s a reason for them. You just don’t know what it is yet.”

You floated through your whole shift. Not even Val’s cynicism could dampen your mood. You didn’t have time to send Jensen anything more than a thank you text, but you were determined to show your appreciation. Maybe you’d invite him over for dinner at your place. Best to order in, given your abysmal cooking skills. Or maybe just dessert…

You were just about to clock out when you were paged over the intercom. You picked up line four holding for you.

“This is Doctor Baines.”

“Gabs?”

“Tony, what’s up?”

“I need you for a consult, do you have a few minutes?”

“Sure.”

“Great. Cardiology, Room 202.”

A few short minutes later you opened the door to 202, instead of a cardiac patient, you found Jensen. Looking like he just stepped out of the pages of GQ. His dark blue suit was tailored, pressed and perfect. Crisp shirt, matching blue tie and a trio of bluebonnets in his lapel.

He smiled in that way that made his eyes crinkle and made you melt. “Hiya Sweetheart.”

You leaned against the door so that it clicked behind you. “Mr. Ackles. You are looking remarkably well for a man in the cardiac ward.”

“Oh, I’m in rough shape, doc.” He placed a dramatic hand over his heart. “My ticker’s going crazy!”

You bit your bottom lip; he really was too cute! “Is that so?”

“Yeah! Every time I see this girl, it’s like my heart’s going to beat right out of my chest.”

“Sound serious.”

“You think so?”

“Heart palpitations are nothing to dismiss out of hand.” You pulled your stethoscope from around your neck, “I think I better check you over.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” he drawled.

You placed a hand in the center of his chest and firmly walked him backwards, your gaze holding his until the back of his legs bumped the exam table. Wordlessly, you patted the table. He lifted himself up with ease, the sterile paper crinkled under his weight.

“I hope you won’t mind if I get a little… close,” you said, gently urging his knees apart so you could stand in the vacant space between his legs.

His voice dipped deep. “I’m in your hands.”

You started with his tie, reaching up to loosen the perfectly executed knot. A tug and the fine fabric came free easily. It sounded like a hushed whisper as it moved against the starched shirt to pool in your hand. His Adam’s apple bobbed as you moved on to the tiny button holding the collar closed. You knew if you looked at him, your resolve would evaporate, so you concentrated on your task. Button by button. Inch by inch. You stopped halfway to put the earpieces in place and warm the bell of the stethoscope with your breath.

You slid the bell against the taut, tanned skin of his pectoral and let it rest over his heart. A smile curved your lips as you heard his heart thumping, strong and steady. No better sound in the world. Although, the longer you kept your hand there, the faster that rhythm got.

“Your heartrate is elevated.”

“What do I do, doc?”

“A little test, see how you respond to stimuli.”

“Sounds intense.”

This time you risked looking up, those green eyes of his had turned a shade darker and you felt your own heart leap in response.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

Keeping the bell anchored over his heart, you leaned up and captured his lips with your own. Kissing Jensen was as much a revelation today as it was the first time. He expressed so many things in those moments of intense connection. Passion and joy. Exuberant love, romance… sharp desire. Solace and devotion. It was the language spoken by souls that met and matched.

The kiss deepened, his arms went around you and the staccato beat faster through the earpieces as his heart picked up pace. Urgency grew.

You nipped his bottom lip slightly as you pulled away, earning a groan from him. “You’re killing me, Sweetheart.”

“Not today. I can confirm, your heart is in perfect working order.”

“Good thing, I kinda need it.” He snagged the stethoscope from you with a smirk, “My turn.”

Not one to shrink from a challenge, you hopped up beside him, “Do your worst, Doctor Ackles.”

Somehow, he made the mundane tools of your profession look incredibly sexy. You didn’t exactly have a doctor kink, but you’d develop one in a hurry if he kept it up. A serious look swept over his features, and you knew you were in trouble. In measured movements, he slipped his hand holding the bell under the scoop neckline of your shirt.

You knew the moment he found his mark because his face transformed to reflect wonder. It was an incredibly intimate act to hear the life thrumming in another human being. He simply listened, as if he was trying to memorize it, hear the music of it. You were so mesmerized by his experience that you failed to notice his other hand until it found your breast.

You gasped.

His eyebrows rose a fraction, but did not move his hand, “Everything okay?”

At your nod, he smiled and continued. Monitoring your heartrate as he explored the curves and concaves he knew so well. Noting how the rhythm increased when he ran his thumb over the nipple straining under the layers of cotton. How the beat skipped when his tongue found that secret place just below your earlobe. Hot kisses down the column of your neck to the hollow where your clavicles met brought your hands up to rake through his hair. He sucked the skin slightly while his hand traced the inner line of your leg. Your heart galloped along wildly and when he palmed you through your scrubs, you breathed his name.

Your head fell back, “Jensen…”

An annoying beep from his jacket pocket that broke the spell. He stopped ravishing you long enough to check his phone, “Ooh! We gotta go!”

You sat up dazed and trying to catch your breath, “Go? Now?”

He hopped off the table and straightened his suit, smoothing out the wrinkles caused by your make-out session.

“Reservations at Marco’s.”

You eyed him suspiciously, “You… did you deliberately get me all excited just to tease me?”

His shrug was innocent, but the sparkle in his eyes gave him away. He held a hand to you, “I just wanted to make sure you had a good appetite worked up.”

You took his hand and narrowed your blue eyes at him, “Okay. But we’re getting dessert to go!”

“Only if you bring your stethoscope, doc,” he replied while brushing a kiss across your knuckles with a wink.

“When I was twenty-eight, I was in a live production of A Few Good Men. I hadn’t performed on stage like that since high school. And I was really nervous, like shaking in my boots, throwing up backstage terrified! My parents were there, Danneel was there… a ton of Supernatural fans showed up too.”

“You had stage fright? But you’d been an actor for… what, a decade at that point?”

“Television is different. If I screw up, we can just do another take. A live performance takes a different level of concentration. People in the audience whisper or forget to turn off their phones. Someone drops something backstage, or your co-star forgets their lines. Anything can happen. That’s where the fourth wall comes in, imagine there is an invisible wall between you and the audience. That the stage is a completely enclosed. It’s your world, nothing else exists. Its just you and whoever you are sharing that stage with.”

You looked down at the blue tie in your hands, “That sounds like something that comes with practice. It took you years to perfect your craft, I can’t get to that level in an afternoon.”

“It’s simpler than you think. Acting is really just reacting,” he said with a smile, “Besides, you had plenty of cram sessions in med school.”

“I suppose so.”

“Good. Now, I want you to look around this space. Commit the details of it to memory. Wall color, carpet color, shelves, racks, shoes… all of it. Everything you can see.”

You tried to give him back the tie, thinking it wasn’t part of the exercise and he shook his head, “Nuh uh. You keep that, you’ll need it.”

Your brow furrowed slightly, wrapping the tie around your left hand nervously. You felt like you were failing, and you hadn’t even started.

Jensen reached out and stilled your hands with his own, “Hey, deep breath. There’s nothing to worry about. It’s just you and me here, this is our own little world. Everything outside that door, that’s them. No one else can come in here, ever. We’re safe here. Just you and me.”

“Stronger together,” you murmured.

“Stronger together,” he repeated back. “Close your eyes.”

You did as instructed. He released your hands and sat back, “Deep breath, in and out. Again. Good girl, relax. Let the tension melt from your muscles and drain away. Deep breath… good. Very good.”

You loved his voice; it was warm and had a deep resonance that put you at ease. The cadence of his instructions had an almost hypnotic quality and you felt yourself sinking into it.

“How do you feel?”

“Good,” you said with a sigh, “Kind of floaty.”

“The tie in your hands. How does it feel?”

You rubbed the material between your fingers, “Smooth. Cool, like a mountain lake.”

“Good,” he praised again. “Now, I want you to picture the closet in your mind. Put it together with the details you saw only moments ago.”

You frowned slightly, rubbing the silk in your hands like a worry stone.

“It’s just you and me here, Y/N. It’s our world, our safe place. Tell me what you see.”

“Clothes.”

He waited a beat, “Anything else?”

“Um… the door?”

“Dig a little deeper, Harvard.”

“My annoying boyfriend.”

Jensen held back a sigh, determined not to break the spell. “Try scent, how does it smell?”

“Good,” you huffed out in frustration. The tension was building back up in your shoulders and your ass was starting to fall asleep from sitting on the floor. You found yourself wondering if it was too late to run away to Bermuda. You took another deep breath and caught something you hadn’t noticed before.

“Cedar. You keep those little cedar balls in the sock drawer.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Tom Ford… um… that vanilla one I like.”

He grinned, you told him it was your favorite and he bought three bottles just to make sure he always had some on hand. “Vanilla Tobacco.”

“Fabric softener, there are dryer sheets in the vents… and there is an air vent somewhere behind me, its blowing on my shirt. The woodwork in here is light, the rest of the apartment is dark, in here it’s not. Your clothes are arranged by type and then by color. Same for the shoes, which you have an insane amount of. Everything is on those expensive hangers you love so much. Oh! And you have two whole drawers devoted to watches.”

“Good job, open your eyes, Sweetheart.”

As you did, he took the tie from your hands and cut it neatly in half with his pocketknife.

“Jay!”

He took your left arm and tied the narrow end around your wrist, “This tie is your tether to this space. Every time you feel anxious or scared, I want you to feel that silk against your skin and remember how it felt to be here. Come back to this safe place where it’s just you and me.”

He held the other half of the tie out to you along with his left arm. You followed his example and fastened it around his wrist to match yours. When you were done, you wrapped your arms around his neck and held on tight, burying your face in the crook of his neck.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

Jensen pulled you down to sit on his lap and held you close.

“I’ve got you,” he vowed, pressing a kiss to your hairline, “Always.”

Three days later, you and Jensen were at yet another public outing. This time it was Shakespeare in the park. At this point you were so sick of concerts, romantic dinners, and date nights that you were ready to tear your hair out. At least it was your favorite play, Much Ado About Nothing. Comedy always beats tragedy.

The place was packed, no surprise given the beautiful weather. There were vendors selling everything from Italian Ice to Chicken and Waffles on a stick. Street musicians busked, kids played in the fountain, couples necked under shade trees, dogs trotted along happily with their owners. It was idyllic.

Maybe it was the sunshine or the actor’s trick Jensen taught you, either way, you felt good. Relaxed. Even when a group of fans gathered around for pictures and autographs, you felt centered and calm.

“Oh my gosh! You two are so cute together!” A younger girl gushed.

“Can we get your picture too?” another asked you, “Are you really a doctor?”

Jensen pulled you to his side and slung an arm around your shoulders, while you smiled up at him. It was your typical couple in love pose. He kissed your temple and every girl in eyesight sighed.

“I am a doctor. As a matter of fact, you should get your friend there some water and shade,” you replied motioning to a swaying, giggling girl heading for the margarita truck. “Maybe no more alcohol for today?”

“Check out my girl,” Jensen said as the group wandered happily away, “Signing autographs, saving lives.”

“Saving her from a hangover maybe,” you replied, lacing your fingers through his as you strolled. “People tend to underestimate the effects of drinking on days like this.”

“We’ve got about ten more minutes before the intermission is over, want to head back?”

“Yeah, um maybe hit the bathroom first?”

You entered the surprisingly empty ladies’ room while Jensen waited for you just outside the door. You couldn’t wait for this FBI business to be over so you could go to the bathroom alone, like a normal person.

You were just washing your hands when the door swung open and a couple of the girls from the earlier group stumbled in, including the drunk one. You gave a polite nod and stepped out of their way, but it wasn’t quick enough to avoid a collision. The three of you ended up in a tangle on the floor, two of them giggling and you, definitely not.

“Are you two alright,” you asked, trying to keep your composure.

The tipsy girl threw her head back and laughed, rolling back on the floor. The other one shook her head in disgust.

“Ugh, Jesus Suzie! Bitch never could hold her booze.”

You felt dizzy. And unbearably hot! You tried to get up, but your muscles didn’t respond. Something wasn’t right.

You called for Jensen, but your tongue was heavy in your mouth. All that came out was a garbled mess. You felt your heart begin to race as you panicked and your vision blurred.

“Gee, you seem a little green around the gills, Doctor West.”

The sober girl was standing at one of the sinks, studying her face in the mirror as she spoke. Her clothes hung loose on her long, wiry frame. Choppy black hair framed a thin face with severe features. Dark eyes, nearly black. Eyes that were normally behind glasses.

Arthur. “Oh… God.”

Green dropped to the balls of his feet, a lethal grin twisted his face as he grabbed a handful of your hair and yanked your head back.

“Hello again, Y/N.” TAGLIST: @deans-baby-momma @stixnstripesworld @jc-winchester @muchamusedaboutnothing @peterpangirl21 @ficbreaks @teresa-67 @sacriceria @verytoadpapersoul @heartbreak-of-a-marauder @savspersonalproperty @deanwanddamons @jenwinchester40 @perpetualabsurdity @starryeyeseunbyul @sexyvixen7 @katbratsupernaturalwhore @agirlwithdemonblood @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @imthedoctorlove @roonyxx @smellingofpoetry @deanwinchesterswitch @thinkinghardhardlythinking @pink-sparkly-witch @barewithme02 @deadlynightshadeindustries @jc-winchester @mrswhozeewhatsis @smoothdogsgirl @mrsjenniferwinchester @impalaspixie @chucksfavouriteprophet @imherefordeanandbones

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98 notes · View notes

tsukidrama · 2 years

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Hi, hi, hi, hi! Pink Anon here, guess who has two thumbs and got COVID-19? This girl. Sorry for going MIA for a while there, it was physically draining to even use my phone! I'm cool now, I feel normal, I'm writing again!

I'm really happy you liked my requests! I'm looking forward to seeing them go to he beach and having some sort of picnic, like I've said they really deserve it. I'm not complaining about the spoilers, I'm waiting to see how it all plays out, especially after last chapter. Boy did it ruin me. Specifically this part, "'I’m not taking a break! I’ve been training this whole time,' Annie pleads, terrified." Made me put my phone down and realize just how severe Annie's trauma really is, holy shit. You really managed to capture that fear perfectly, being scared of your parents/an authority figure. It feels different than other fears, I think. I don't have the most experience with it, but with the little bit I do, it really seems accurate and that's what's really heartbreaking about this chapter. Completely destroyed me.

ah, shit. noooo, i remember what it was like to be sick like that. at one point i don't think i moved out of the same spot for 2 days. i'm glad that you seem to be feeling better now at least! i hope everyone close to you is okay, too.

of course dear! i'll likely do an otbp with a picnic relatively soon, and i'll make them go to the beach in the main TRNT story 💘

it never stops hurting. FUCKK ME. Annie is and always has been the queen of repression - and even if she started thinking about her dad differently and in a positive light after she left on her mission, she still spent 11+ years living with him when he didn't give a shit about her. she's got to have complicated feelings about him but she pushes away the bad thoughts and memories because she wants to be loved so badly. she's so tragic,,, i can fix it for u babey.

both of them are perfectly fine with leaving the past in the past but IT MAKES ME SO MAD. don't get me wrong i love Papa so dearly. probably more than a lot of people do tbh, but it also pisses me off that there's been no plot to address all his unforgivable crimes against baby Annie. writing ch 9 was insane because on one hand i was writing through my own tears, but on the other i kind of felt like Papa gets what he deserves :/

on one hand i kind of hate him and i hope he suffers for the rest of his life but also in TRNT he is genuinely a really positive father figure. but it's MEANT to be extremely conflicting, he is hated for good reason. at this point, TRNT Papa really isn't even the same character anymore, but it's also the only version of him that i'm willing to accept.

"'You can rest. You’ve done perfectly,' he says. '...I have?'" OW. I feel like I've seen other people talk about this line, but god does it hurt a lot. Annie questions Papa twice when he tells her to rest, which really shows just how cemented in her head training was. She wasn't allowed to take breaks, so even when he explicitly tells her she doesn't think she can, she doesn't even know how.

IMMMM SSORRRRYYYY i know, i know. that's why he HAD to be the one to go out and calm her down. nothing that reader could've done would've helped no matter how hard she tried, because Papa was the only one Annie needed comfort from right then.

of course she doesn't know what to do -- she's never taken a moment to just rest for her entire life. even whenever she moves out to the cottage she's still bouncing off the walls and constantly finding projects to distract herself with. she runs from her problems until it literally destroys the heart of the home.

there are like 3 different lines during that scene that hit me in the gut every time. basically everything tbh, but especially all of the spoken dialogue. the bit that personally gets me the most is when they both go quiet, then reader peeks around to see that he's crying and struggling to say "i love you." LIKE BITCH. KILL ME NOW. i'm going to eat glass.

Even how the chapter is ended was amazing(ly sad), I really enjoyed reading the whole thing. When I got the notification, I literally jumped out of my chair. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter, if this is Annie's rock bottom, she can only get better, right? I hope so. Overall, I'm very satisfied. Another utterly devastating chapter, in the best way possible.

the next chapter (10) will mostly be addressing the fallout of what happened in ch 9. some hard conversations that are going to take place in the next couple chapters but i swear to GOD that it doesn't get any worse. it's uphill from here, which is honestly so exciting for me because i never thought this series would grow into what it is.

no way is it going to be worse than this. that mess what all the angst i've been alluding to for months lol. IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT THOUGH, YOUR OPINIONS AND FEEDBACK MEAN SO MUCH TO ME!!!

On another note, I'm not writing as much as I'd like. School, coronavirus, and I'm also joining a soccer team? Out of character, but it is a good distraction. I've been getting into sports lately, so much so that part of me wants to write an Annie x reader where her and the reader are on some sort of team. If I can find the time, of course. I'm just trying to decide what sport she would play.

you don't have to be writing every second of every day! it sounds like you have a lot going on. i'm not too sporty myself but i would absolutely go to your soccer games and cheer for you.

HONESTLY I SWEAR I'M NOT EVEN SAYING THIS BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S YOUR SPORT, BUT SOCCER IS A GOOD ONE. she's fast/small and it's canon that a lot of the fighting she does uses her legs. AND THE UNIFORMS. i support you doing a soccer au for maximum self insert potential. Annie is your soccer gf who always holds your hand on the bus on the way to games. she always runs to you when you're tired or when you've fallen just to make sure you're alright.

my top sport for Annie is always boxing. and another idea that goes hand in hand with this, is illegal cage fighting aksdjfdk, HEAR ME OUT. she's so good that she could make a living off of placing bets on herself. bitch would be the reigning champion, she's a fucking maniac. it also has lots of good potential for fics where her significant other is fussing over her tending to her injuries.

Hm, another song recommendation that fits the fic (by the way I loved the link to Slipping Through My Fingers by ABBA, I could totally see the connection, as sad as it is), April Come She Will by Simon and Garfunkel. The soft, summer vibes of the song fit the cottage setting, I think. It's a short song, but one that I love nonetheless.

i actually had a difficult time picking out a song for this chapter. i almost released it with no song at all, but then i had an abba playlist on while doing the dishes or something and next thing i know i'm crying. that song from Papa's POV really hurts in a special, evil type of way, huh? i'm devastated over it.

and re: the song, YOU'RE SO RIGHT. not even just the soft vibe of the song but the lyrics - it reminds me of how things are slowly going askew for them despite both putting forward effort. it's a bit of a sad song with it ending where it does but i definitely agree that it very much fits the vibe, added to my trnt playlist. i just wish that the song went on a little bit longer so things could be fixed lol.

Have a nice day <3,

Pink Anon

you too! and again sorry for the delay i just wanted to have the mental energy to have a good response

#omfg i'm sorry this took me a couple of days i ended up rambling a LOT #i think i just missed talking to you or something and had a hard time shutting the fuck up #i just have so much to say 😩#pink anon #tsuki answers #trnt annie #annie-isms #trnt 9 angst tag

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purple-babygirl · 3 years

Note

hi im not sure if you’re taking requests so you can ignore this if you’d like, but i really liked your mafia bucky fic !! and i was wondering if you could do one where maybe someone breaks into the house and the reader has to force themselves to be big for a little bit just so they can fight them off and then she runs to the little safe room and goes little there and Bucky finds her there and comforts her and it’s just all fluffy? sorry if this is so specific i just loved the last fic sm 😅

Pairing: Mafia!Daddy!Bucky Barnes x f!little!reader

Word count: 1,958

Warnings: reader gets attacked (includes harassment and mentions of violence, cursing, guns), reader gets hurt, mentions of killing, Bucky's softness (yes it's a warning), ddlg dynamics.

A/N: I've been holding onto this one for forever now I'm really sorry for taking so long, dear nonnie🥺 it means the world to me that you liked mafia!daddy!bucky and i hope i delivered with this one and that you like it as much, love. Please enjoy ily xx💜

safe

You’re a big girl.

You’re a big girl. You can do this.

It all happened too fast. She woke up to guns shooting, Bucky’s men yelling at each other before all the voices suddenly stopped and the door to their bedroom was violently kicked open.

She didn’t even have time to scream before she was dragged from under the large bed by her ankle.

You’re a big girl.

You’re a big girl. Just like Daddy taught you.

“Let go! You don’t wanna do this!” she shrieked, warning the person trying to snatch her off the floor, her leg kicking as she struggled to flee his vice-like hold.

She’d suddenly forgotten every single self-defense move Bucky has ever taught her and was thrashing in panic.

“Oh, I don’t?” the man laughed, his grip painful on her limb as he tried to get on top of her.

She screamed when he dug his fingernails in the flesh of her shin, forcing her legs apart.

“Such a delicate little thing.” He licked his lips when he drew blood, running his gun up her bare leg, pressing down when it reached her inner thigh, “beg me to let you go.”

The words infuriated her big self. If Bucky had taught her one thing that she could never forget it was how dear and precious she was.

“Do you know who my man is?” Her free foot collided with the intruder’s chin, hitting him just right for his teeth to slam together, making him groan and loosen his grasp.

“I beg no one for nothing.” She spat, clumsily standing up, rushing inside Bucky’s large walk-in closet.

“You’re gonna regret that, you little bitch!” The masked man threatened, banging his fist on the door, “I’m gonna make that man of yours weep blood over your dead slut body!”

Her breath was coming out in puffs as tears blurred her vision. With trembling fingers, she moved Bucky’s hung-up suits to the side, revealing the metal door to the panic room.

You’re a big girl.

You’re a big girl. Just a bit longer.

She could hear the man take a few steps back and she knew he was going to shoot the closet open. Her shaky fingers pushed the buttons and typed the number code, the date of the day Bucky had asked her to be his.

I feel safe knowing I have you, angel, so it’s only fit that we make it the safe room code, he'd told her with a playful shrug.

She slid inside as soon as the door moved, pushing her back against the concrete wall, trying to take her breath. The door clicked shut right before the wooden one to the closet was thrown open.

You’re a big girl.

You’re a big girl. You got this.

She let out a relieved sigh that broke into a sob as she tiredly slid down the wall, still hearing the scary man curse, bang and shoot on the safe room door.

Where was Bucky? She couldn’t hold on any longer. This wasn’t a situation she wanted to be present in. Her body started folding up, taking fetal position as her mind led her to the safer side against her better will. Even her fists closed upon themselves, tears leaving her eyes and traveling down the bridge of her nose. She was losing consciousness of her present surroundings, pictures of Bucky’s eyes spreading in her vision instead of the dull, grey walls of the room.

She was crying too loudly to hear the firing of Bucky’s gun right outside the door or the peeping of the door as it slid open once again.

“Angel!” Bucky’s voice sounded so distant. She felt like she was drowning with how muffled his calls were to her ears.

Seeing her body shake with sobs on the floor like that made Bucky want to walk out and shoot the man’s dead body again and again until he couldn’t be identified.

How dare they send someone here? How dare they violate the sanctity of his home? They were certainly not going to live another day to repeat or repent from their sins.

“Angel, are you hurt?” He kneeled beside her, gently untangling her limbs to check if she was wounded anywhere.

Aside from a couple of nasty scratches by her ankle, she was physically okay and Bucky could breathe a little better as his body sagged on the floor.

He swallowed and lifted her on his lap, signaling his men to leave when they stepped in the room to check if they were needed after ‘cleaning up’.

“Get me water.” Was all he said and they were running to the nearest fridge.

“I’m sorry, my angel. I’m here now. You’re okay.” Bucky mumbled, lips hovering over her temple.

“Dada.” Her body leaned into his warmth but her cries didn’t stop and Bucky could only hold her closer as he tried not to let guilt rip him apart.

She was like that now because of him. Had he been a normal man with a normal life, she would’ve been safer. She didn’t deserve to be startled awake only to be chased by a criminal in the middle of the night. She didn’t deserve any of the bullshit that hit her because she was with Bucky.

He kept planting kiss after kiss to her head, wishing he could go back and be there to protect her.

“Shh, you’re okay, my angel. You’re safe,” he kept telling her as he supported himself up with her in his arms.

Her cries were dying down and she was getting comfier in Bucky’s protective hold, fingers digging in his shoulders afraid he would leave again.

“Please, calm down, baby. I’m here. No one can hurt you, angel.” Bucky took her out and to the bathroom so he could take a look at her leg.

“Baby, are you hurt anywhere else?” he asked after sitting her down on the cold counter.

Instead of answering, she pressed her forehead to his chest and kept sniveling, hands clutching Bucky’s jacket. She wasn’t ready for him to let her go yet. She may be too far gone but her body knew it needed to be close to Bucky’s.

“Baby, please come back to me,” Bucky begged, tears threatening to spill from his once hard, cold eyes.

“Angel,” his thumb brushed her cheek and she finally looked up to him.

“Dada, I was so scared.” She sobbed, shaking at the memory.

“I’m sorry, my angel.” Bucky pressed his lips to her forehead, “I’m here with you, baby. No need to be scared anymore.”

“That man- he-” she hiccupped.

“You’re okay, angel. Breathe.” Bucky stroked her back warmly as she buried her face in his chest again.

He took the bottle of water from one of his men, waving him out of the bathroom.

“Here, baby, drink some water.”

She wouldn’t move. She just wanted to be close to Daddy. She was scared and Bucky was safety. He was home.

“For me, baby. Just a tiny sip.” Bucky twisted the bottle cap open, gently cupping her cheek to coax her away from his body.

His heart swelled when she leaned her damp cheek on his palm, enjoying the warmth. Her smaller hand cupped his and her eyes closed, her face further pressed into Bucky’s hand as a soft sigh escaped her lips.

Bucky bit his lip, holding back the waterworks. He should’ve been here; should’ve prevented it all from happening. His thumb brushed her chin and she opened her eyes.

“Drink a little, angel.” Bucky offered a kind smile.

She nodded, sitting up straighter, her lashes wet with tears as she looked up to Bucky, her gaze holding no blame.

He brought the bottle to her lips and she gulped down, the chilled water soothing her sore throat.

“Better?” Bucky cocked his head to the side and she nodded, sniffing.

Bucky bowed, holding his forehead against hers. He just wanted to feel her breathe soundly; wanted to make his mind stop telling him he almost lost her forever.

“Dada.”

“Yes, my angel.” Bucky pecked her lips.

“My leg hurts.” Her voice was awfully small as she pointed to the burning scratches ruining her beautiful skin. Bucky wished he could hide her between his ribs in place of his heart.

“Daddy’s got you, angel.”

Bucky cleaned her wound, apologizing with a kiss to her cheek every time she hissed. He had her tell him what happened to distract her and it worked. She wanted him to be proud so much she eagerly told him all about kicking the bad man. Tears gathered in her eyes once again when he applied ointment but she continued with her story, Bucky’s smile keeping her calm.

“Angel, you were so brave! I’m so proud of you, baby.” Bucky kissed her bandaged leg, “how did you do that?!”

“Kept thinkin’ dada thoughts.” She hugged Bucky again.

Bucky was a puddle on the bathroom floor. She was telling him she was brave like that because she was thinking of him through it all. He adored her so much he didn’t know who he was if not her man.

“I promise this is the last time you would ever have to go through anything like that,” Bucky assured, chuckling lovingly when she squeezed him harder and nodded.

She believed Bucky. She knew he could keep her safe. This wasn’t a usual occurrence, Bucky’s always made sure she was protected. She had no doubt anything would change. She trusted her Daddy with all her heart.

Bucky knew that and it scared him to death. He was scared one day he might not be up to the trust she’d put in him. He feared disappointing her; not being there for her in time. He was terrified a day would come where he might let her down.

“Never again. You’re safe, my angel. You’re always safe with me.”

Bucky’s soft lips placed a languishing kiss to her forehead. Her eyes were next, Bucky kissed her eyelids and under her eyes. Then he left wet kisses on both cheeks before pecking her nose. She smiled shyly when he pressed his mouth to the corner of hers.

“I love you, angel,” Bucky whispered against her lips before kissing her.

Bucky carried her back to their bed. The room was organized again, nothing was out of place and she was in Daddy’s arms. She was safe once more.

Bucky held her to his chest all night, his mind too loud to let him fall asleep. She went back to bed almost immediately though. Bucky’s presence was all it really took for her to feel peaceful enough to close her eyes and dream again.

When she moved out of his embrace in her sleep, Bucky carefully left the room and went to his office to review the security cameras footage. He knew watching the attack would make his blood boil again but he had to see what happened and how the unlucky asshole got inside his mansion.

While she already told him she’d defended herself, Bucky was the proudest seeing it unfold on the screen.

“Do you know who my man is?... I beg no one.”

The words brought the largest smile to Bucky’s lips. He was so proud of his angel; so amazed by her courage. He thought he couldn’t love her any more than he already did and he was wrong. His heart has picked the right girl and for that he was grateful. Bucky took one last look at the shining ring in his top drawer before shutting it and walking back to continue cuddling his precious sweetheart.

Tags: @harrysthiccthighss, @tinystudentfirepurse, @lavendercitizen

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devildomdisaster · 3 years

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Hi can I ask for the reaction of the demon brothers to the mc who always behaves fearlessly, but is afraid of a sharp clap and hides behind them?

Hi anon, this is my first ask for this blog so I hope it's what you wanted.

I got a bit carried away with this one so it ended up a bit long.

Normally fearless mc who hides behind the brothers after a loud noise

Lucifer:

Initially, Lucifer thinks that a human who has little to no magic ability (at least at first) is going to be helpless and frightened of almost everything. This is the Devildom after all, and demons would love to eat a sweet human soul.

But you routinely stand up not only to his brothers but to him.

Honestly, he finds it frustrating.

With no way to intimidate you Lucifer’s normal tactics to ensure proper behavior are rendered useless.

Not only that but you encourage his brothers to act up as well.

But your fearlessness has also endeared you to him.

Even more pride than normal radiates off him when he sees you put some lower-level demon or his brothers in their place. Even if he has to step in sometimes.

Lucifer discovers your fear as you walk into Ristorante Six and a waiter drops a tray of drinks behind you as you are being shown to your table

The tray hits the ground with a loud clatter

Lucifer turns at the noise but otherwise thinks little of the situation

You however are immediately hidden behind him, hands fisted tightly around handfuls of the back of his coat

He is surprised but quickly schools his expression into one of concern.

His first thought is if you are alright, did something on the tray somehow hit you?

He turns to you, taking your clenched fists into his hands.

For all intents and purposes you seem physically fine just…scared. Truly frightened.

Later when you have calmed down he might ask you about your reaction. But for now he will simply comfort you.

He pulls you into his arms whispering lowly into your ear, “there is nothing that can hurt you while I am here Mc. It’s alright.”

Once your breathing has slowed he’ll ask if you’d like to leave and go back to the house of lamentation.

If you were just startled he’ll spend the evening as planned, although he is far more aware of the movement of the surrounding demons. And any possible loud noises that could startle you again.

If you do want to go home he will gladly take you, he’ll propose a quieter evening, relaxing in his study listening to his records perhaps?

Mammon:

Oh, his fearless human!

He is oh so impressed at your bravery.

It’s almost reckless at times how little fear you seem to have in the face of demons.

This boy loves to watch you stand up to other demons or handle situations that others would consider frightening (especially for humans).

Your fearlessness makes you the perfect partner in crime for his schemes.

He loves the rush of getting away with his schemes and loves having you there to share that rush with even more.

Of course, when you do participate in his less than honest scheming, or even his honest ones, he is always there to protect you.

Watching you be fearless is fun but if anything could actually hurt you he is always aware of it. Ready to step in front of you at any moment. You’re his human after all. It wouldn’t due to have something harm you when he can prevent it.

You’re not even outside the house of lamentation when a rather peeved Lucifer comes into the kitchen. “Mammon!” he thunders with a loud slap of his hands on the counter.

You jump behind Mammon, face pressed into his back

One of Mammon’s arms unconsciously reaches behind him to shield you even more.

He is shocked at your reaction but the instinct to protect you kicks in instantly.

“Lucifer” Mammon warns quietly with a quick glance towards you behind him “could we maybe do this later I think Mc…” He trails off

Once Lucifer is gone, seeming to have gotten the gist of the situation, Mammon turns to you. one hand stroking your head gently until you look at him.

“Hey, Mc you’re ok. What’s gotten into ya?”

“The noise” you mumble. Half embarrassed, half still trying to calm your racing heart.

“Geez Mc, ya don’t gotta worry ‘bout stuff like that when I’m around”

He doesn’t quite understand why a loud noise would scare you but is more than willing to listen if you want to explain.

Levi

Levi doesn’t get you.

How can some magicless normie human not be afraid in the Devildom? Surrounded by actual demons? Whatever it’s not like he gets normies anyway.

But then he gets to know you and he actually likes you. You’re his Henry now, his player 2 or… whichever you prefer Mc. Even admitting this to himself is sometimes so hard.

Your whole fearlessness thing still confuses him, but it’s impressive too.

He enjoys being able to play horror games with you or watch horror anime without you being terrified.

It’s like nothing phases you. You can face down anything the Devildom throws at you. Levi thinks you’re so cool, it’s almost not fair!

He kind of wonders what actually scares you

He finds out one night when Asmo throws the door to his room open so hard it bounces off the wall with a loud slam.

Asmo is crowing about family bonding night and repainting Levi’s nails “because gaming isn’t all that matters Leviathan, and you should have been in the living room half an hour ago!”

Levi groans at Asmo’s outburst. Then pauses, blinks slowly, and realizes you’re hidden behind him quaking in…in fear?

His demon form slips out quietly and he wraps his tail around your waist protectively.

He doesn’t understand why you’re frightened but he’s got you covered normie.

“Ohhh, I didn’t know you were playing that kind of game!” Asmo grins purposely misreading the situation. “You and Mc can come down when you’re done.” he sings, shutting the door behind him as he leaves.

Levi’s face is so red, he opens and closes his mouth several times before any words make it out.

“M-mc did did Asmo do something to you? or?” He’s trying to figure out what’s got you so scared.

But he’s still so flustered from Asmo’s teasing that he can’t turn to face you. Instead, he keeps his tail protectively and hopefully comfortingly around your waist.

“No” you sniff “the noise. When the door, it just”

“Oh, good. Not good-good! I mean good that Asmo didn’t do anything.”

You’re both silent for a long moment as Levi composes himself and turns around. Levi finally has time for his surprise to hit him. This is what you are afraid of? He never would have guessed. Still, he doesn’t think any less of you. How could he? Everyone’s got their things, their fears.

“Thanks, Levi,” You say, tapping his tail gratefully.

You get to watch the red bloom across his face this time.

Satan

You being fearless is intriguing and impressive.

He has read about all sorts of phobias and a part of him wants to expose you to some common ones just to see if any of them scare you.

But he won’t.

He likes you too much for that.

You aren’t afraid of pranking Lucifer with him.

Or of late-night library searches, or cursed books, or most importantly of him.

He expected you to be afraid of him, he is the avatar of wrath after all, and his anger can and has made him lose control.

But you're not the least bit afraid of him. He truly appreciates that.

While cooking dinner the loud clatter of a pot falling to the floor and splashing its contents to the ground makes him curse and then sigh, but it makes you jump behind him.

hm? Oh. Oh!

With one hand gripping his shoulder and the other clutching his shirt, it only takes a moment for him to recognize your fear.

He realizes pretty quickly that it must have been the loud noise.

There’s a part of him, the same part that had wanted to test you for hidden phobias, that is immensely satisfied with this new information about his favorite human. Excited even.

Satan feels that knowing there is something that scares you makes you more real.

He almost chuckles at your reaction.

Instead, he guides you to a seat and as he straightens lets his knuckles brush your cheek gently.

“Are you alright Mc?”

He waits until the shock and fear have worn off before cleaning up the mess on the floor.

He knew there had to be something that scared you, he just hopes this fear isn’t tied to any…unpleasant people or situations in your life. Just the thought of that erases all his satisfaction at discovering your fear.

If you’re still a bit rattled he’ll keep you distracted, while he finishes cooking, with tales of the Devildom and the new installment of his favorite mystery show or the new novel he’s reading that he thinks you might like.

If you have recovered he’ll gladly accept your help finishing dinner.

Asmo

Asmo loves your fearlessness.

He thinks it makes you even more attractive.

He says that other than your magical potential it was one of the things that led him to make a pact with you.

“Nothing seemed to phase you, I just had to know more!”

Drags/brings you shopping a lot partly just to watch you stare rude demons down.

Of course, he is always there just in case a demon doesn’t get the point, but he takes a kind of pleasure in seeing demons try and fail to intimidate you, before leaving in shock and shame at being unable to scare a mere human.

He doesn’t let you get into dangerous situations if he can help it. Being confident and fearless is all well and good Mc, but you are still a human and demons can be dangerous.

During one of your shopping trips, there is a loud clap of excitement from a demon when they find what they were looking for.

You gasp and duck behind Asmo.

He turns an amused smile on his face.

“Mc, how can you possibly help me look for my size when you…oh!

As he sees your face he understands. You’re afraid.

He is flattered that you chose to hide behind him for protection. He thinks it shows how much you truly trust him.

He takes your hand in his, even as his head tilts slightly trying to figure out what scared you.

It all clicks a moment later. The noise.

He grips your hand a bit tighter and guides you out of the store, away from the situation.

Asmo knows that your reaction could have just been from being startled but he also knows that it could be tied to a deeper fear of something or someone.

He hopes you were just startled but makes sure you know that he will always protect you from your fears. Minor or serious.

If you let him he will have a whole self-care spa day with you after you get back to the house of lamentation.

Beel

Beel is impressed by a fearless human.

Especially one with little to no magic when first coming to the Devildom.

But he is also concerned for you.

He worries you might do something reckless.

So he makes sure to be around in order to make sure you stay safe.

Will 100% eat a lesser demon who tries to harm you.

Beel wants you to be safe.

But he is glad that your fearless nature gives you the confidence to explore more of the Devildom than just RAD classes.

He is so happy when you want to go somewhere new with him, maybe to a restaurant or cafe you haven’t tried yet.

The first time you hide behind him is after the wind blows a chair over at a nearby table outside a cafe.

You are on your feet in an instant

And in the next, you are almost cowering behind him.

Beel is startled.

He doesn’t understand why you seem so afraid.

But he pulls you into his arms anyway.

Beel comes right out and asks you about your reaction.

When you explain that it was the loud noise Beel nods.

He wants to ask if you were just startled or if there is more to your fear but doesn’t want to overstep.

He’ll wait until you are headed back to the house to ask.

Whatever your answer is he’ll accept it and in the future act accordingly to prevent you from being afraid.

Belphie

Honestly hates how fearless you are at first.

It annoys him and he wants to make you afraid of him…until he doesn't.

And the complete 180 surprises even him.

He still wonders how a human can be so fearless and kind of wonders if it's all an act you use to protect yourself.

Even so, he’s still impressed that you can be fearless in the Devildom.

He’s another one who likes to see you tell other demons to get lost.

He thinks that a human chasing off a Demon in the realm of demons is hilarious.

On the way to RAD one morning what sounds like a loud clap causes Belphie to turn and see another demon being slapped.

He goes to make a snide comment to you, only you aren’t standing next to him anymore.

Instead, you are tucked behind him holding tightly to his uniform jacket.

“Um, Mc? What exactly are you doing?”

And that’s when it all comes out.

The noise had scared you so much you had hidden behind him.

Belphie just shrugs. It’s surprising sure, considering all the other things you’ve seen and experienced in the Devildom. But hey you are a human, something was bound to scare you eventually.

He’s curious if you are just easily startled or if you have a fear of sudden loud noises.

Unlike his brothers (*Satan) he is curious enough to test you and see which it is.

Unless you come out then and there to tell him you have a fear of loud noises he will plan out a ‘prank’ to startle you again.

If it turns out it’s not a fear caused by anything serious and you are just easily startled he will use it against you occasionally, at least until he is bored of your reaction or you ask him to stop.

But he doesn’t want to hurt you, emotionally or physically. If it’s a genuine fear he’d never use it against you. And he’d personally end anyone who did.

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christinebloodwrittings · 3 years

Text

Please

Loki x FemReader

Warnings: Mentions of injuries and blood.

Y/n returned from a mission, closely being followed by a very worked up Captain America and Black Widow.

Y/n was beyond exhausted, bruises forming on her skin quickly, one of the enemy's shot rose her leg, so she was visibly limping and grunting in pain as she walked outside the elevator and into the compound's living room.

"You guys look like you had fun" Clint joked, getting groans and scoffs in return, only widow was grateful for his dull humor, seeing her friend made her feel better somehow, of course that didn't exactly made her physical condition any better.

All that Y/n wanted was to lay down and surrender to slumber and hope that the hurting would go away with a pill and the so craved rest.

But one certain god had other plans.

"Oh, already falling for me, mortal?" he snickered when he tripped her on purpose, just to catch her before hitting the ground.

Loki liked the game they had, when they pretended to be enemies and always be at each other's throats. The two actually got along pretty well, managing to establish a decent friendship, but Loki wanted more.

Y/n wasn't far behind, she wanted the god, perhaps as much as he wanted her, but he had chosen the worst moment to annoy her, since not only had she returned injured, but the base in which they infiltrated ended up destroyed, and she couldn't stop feeling like it was her fault.

"Come on Loki, not today" she tried to stand up straight, but he was certainly stronger, and giving that she was squirming under his touch, as usual, he continued on his game by pinning her to the nearest wall.

"Why not, pet? You know you love it" his velvet-like voice and the little purr his throat made sent shivers down her spine, must've been either that or her efforts to keep a cry of pain, since Loki had his hands right over her most recent bruises.

"Loki, not today" she said in a more stern tone, but he didn't cared, he spun her around, puling her back flush against his chest, her face slamming against the cold wall.

"You forget who I am, pet, do not test my patience, or I will not be nice with your punishment" he had always called her "pet" referring to it as a nickname, but that time it came out as a degradation.

She had enough, she was not having one more second of it. With her head she hit his chin, and when he was distracted she kicked him in the stomach, causing him to fall on his butt, his back against the opposite wall.

"I said, not today" she put everything in hiding the fact that she hit him with her injured leg, and the shiver that creeped on her spine when she felt the blood dripping down her thigh.

He looked up to her in shock, holding his stomach with one hand and his chin with the other. He had never seen her so mad before, he realized she was being serious, and as he watched her walk away, he felt his insides squirm, it was a mix between anger, confusion, pain, and concern.

But his pride got the best of him, and despite of how much he wanted to apologize, he only stood up and walked back to his room.

She, as much as it hurt, did not want to make the trip to the medical wing again, so she locked herself in her room instead and tried to heal her wounds on her own, failing miserably.

A feeling of nostalgia made her think of him. In the warmth she felt when he touched her, for whatever reason really. She liked having him close to her, and in that moment she needed him more than ever.

With tears streaming down her eyes, given the pain she felt when walking, the frustration at not knowing how to bandage her own wounds, and how much she needed a hug from the man she loved, she walked with difficulty to the second floor and taking a lot of courage she knocked at his door.

(Like for part 2)

#loki of asgard #loki x y/n #loki fanfic #loki x female reader #loki laufeyson #jotun loki x reader #loki reader insert #loki of jotunheim #loki fic

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helloalycia · 3 years

Text

just a kid [one] // wanda maximoff

summary: you're a field medic at the Avengers Tower and get into an accident where you hurt your head. It was only supposed to be a mild concussion, yet things don't seem to be going right when you try to remember the accident.

warning/s: mentions of violent/dark scenes.

author's note: here’s the first of a little two-parter I worked on not long ago, hope you all like it!

part two | masterlist | wattpad

I woke up with heavy eyes and an aching head, momentarily dazed.

"Hey there, Doctor Y/L/N... can you hear me okay?"

Breathing deeply, I found the energy to clear my throat and scan the view above me. I was laying down on a bed, in a hospital room, I think. The lights were ever so bright and I now knew how annoying it felt to wake up like this as my patients had.

"What happened?" I asked, eyes roaming around until they settled on my doctor. "Doctor Maya? What am I–? Why am I here?"

I recognised Doctor Maya as a colleague of mine, though unlike me, she was a doctor who worked at the Avengers Tower whereas I worked as a field medic so was more on the move. The only reason I'd be here is if I was in an accident. Was I? I wasn't sure.

"Something happened when you were on your last mission," she explained gently. "I– hold on. I'm going to get Miss Maximoff, okay?"

"Wanda?" I asked, furrowing my brows and pinching them to relieve the stress in my head. "Where is she? Is she here?"

"She just nipped out," Doctor Maya said, before backing up. "One second, Y/N."

She left the room momentarily, leaving me to try and remember what had happened. I was on the quinjet and was getting briefed with my team. There were casualties that we had to get to and an agent– an agent I was helping, yes!

I groaned, clutching my head when I tried to remember. Deciding I shouldn't push myself so soon, I waited until the doctor returned with Wanda. Maybe they could tell me how I ended up here. I wasn't exactly injured, at least not physically and that I knew of. My head hurt and that was about it.

The door to my room opened suddenly and I looked that way, seeing Wanda rushing in wearing her civilian clothing. The doctor followed soon after, gently closing the door behind her.

"You're awake," Wanda said with relief, stopping by my bedside. Her hand rested on mine, squeezing it comfortingly. "How are you feeling?"

I smiled upon seeing her, even if she was staring at me like I was a fragile piece of glass. We'd been dating for a while now and she always had the power to make me feel better with her presence.

"I'm alright," I promised. "Just a bit confused to what happened. The last thing I remember is going into the field. Then I woke up here."

She chewed on her lower lip, exchanging unreadable glances with the doctor.

"There was a mine that detonated near you when you were helping an injured agent," Wanda explained softly, and I opened my mouth to speak, but she quickly added, "The agent is okay before you ask. But you hit your head from the impact. Mild concussion."

"That's why your head hurts and you're having trouble remembering," the doctor said, earning my attention. "You should be feeling better soon. And I've got some medication for the pain."

Now that Wanda mentioned it, I did vaguely recall being thrown back by a blast. But remembering it was like watching a film with poor satellite, the screen fuzzing around the edges and remaining unclear even though you focused hard. I was sure it would return to me soon.

"Thanks," I said, before attempting to sit up straight. Wanda helped me as I looked to her with gratitude before paying my attention back to Doctor Maya. "Am I alright to leave?"

"Of course, yeah," she said, nodding quickly. "Feel free to come back if you have any trouble. You should be okay though."

I nodded and smiled gratefully before watching her leave. Sighing, I pushed my hair from my face and looked to Wanda who was hanging by me patiently, eyes twinkling with concern.

"I'm fine," I promised her with a knowing look.

She gave me a small smile – her way of saying I'm still worried, but I'll dial it down – then moved to the chair beside the bed and grabbed some clothes.

"You can change into this," she said about the clothes in her hand, and I was sure they were some of hers; mine must have been ruined from the mine. "And if you want, you can stay with me whilst you recover."

I raised my eyebrows as I accepted the clothes. "You sure? It's nothing serious. I can take care of myself."

She shrugged, eyes avoiding mine with embarrassment as her hands played with mine. "I wanna help. I like looking after you... plus, you've stayed at mine before. This isn't any different. And you can be closer to Doctor Maya in case anything is wrong."

I weighed the decision briefly before giving in, unable to resist how cute she was when she was worried. "Okay, yeah, sure, why not?" She smiled widely, and I added, "Any excuse to cuddle with you, right?"

She chuckled. "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Just let me get ready and we can head to your room. I'm actually a little tired."

She nodded and helped me up so I could get ready. I didn't think much of the whole thing, until later that night when I fell asleep beside Wanda.

My dreams never usually meant much. I wasn't one for reading into them, nor was I one to get seriously affected by 'nightmares', knowing they were usually a concoction of bad horror films and stupid ghost stories from my childhood.

But tonight was different.

It wasn't a dream and it wasn't a nightmare, but rather a memory that couldn't exist.

There was debris everywhere, a mixture of yellow rays blinding my sight with dark shadows looming over me. Destroyed buildings and scattered bodies – none were alive – surrounded me. The heat was too much, but I had a job. I knew I had a job, but I couldn't focus because of how fast my heart was racing, beating an incessant drum in my ears, and how rigid my body felt.

"Help!" a voice was shouting. A young girl, I think – she sounded like a kid. Who was it?

Before I could make sense of anything, I heard a loud noise, like an explosion, that sounded so close yet also extremely distant. Nonetheless, my eardrums weren't spared. The mine, maybe? Was this a memory? Was this how I got hurt?

I was thrown back, head hitting a wall, but I didn't pass out. There was a figure looming over me, short, like a child's shadow, but with no visible face or features. Nothing, actually, just a dark outline staring at me though I couldn't stare back because there was nothing to stare at.

The shouts for help returned, but it was distant like the explosion. I couldn't make sense of anything, and when I closed my eyes to blink, I opened them to find debris washing over me all over again, flying in the air along with my body. It had to be the explosion, my memory returning.

This time, when I hit the wall, I woke with a start. My eyes snapped open, taking in the dark room and nightly blue hue casting over the ceiling and walls. I swallowed hard, finding my breath, and raised my hand to gently massage my forehead. An aching pain was shooting all over, forcing me to sit up as slowly as I could as to not wake up Wanda, who appeared to be fast asleep beside me.

I checked the clock beside her bed and saw it was closing on half three in the morning. I went to bed around nine, which was also when I last had my medication. Doctor Maya said I could have it every five to seven hours and when I got a severe headache.

"I guess this counts...," I mumbled to myself, before grabbing the medication and bottle of water beside the clock.

I downed the two tablets within seconds before sitting upright for a few more minutes, needing a moment to myself before attempting to get back to sleep.

"Y/N...? Are you up?"

I winced at the sound of Wanda's groggy voice, immediately feeling bad for waking her. I turned around and saw her rubbing her eyes with one hand whilst blinking away her fatigue.

"Just have a headache, don't worry," I reassured quietly, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. "You can go back to sleep."

"Do you need me to get you anything?" she asked, finally able to keep her eyes open long enough to meet my gaze with her cloudy green ones.

I smiled through my exhaustion. "I'm okay, love. I've had some medicine."

"Well, I can get you something to–" she began, trying to make a move to sit up, but I pushed her back down gently.

"I'm okay," I repeated sternly, before slipping back into bed beside her. Wrapping an arm around her torso, I said, "Get back to sleep."

She nodded tiredly, getting comfortable and pulling me closer to her. I felt her arm wrap around me as I snuggled closer, relaxing in her embrace.

"Wake me if something is wrong," she mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you, too," I returned, kissing the closest thing to me which was her chest. "Goodnight."

Admittedly, it was still difficult for me to fall back asleep. It must have been no longer than ten minutes when I heard Wanda's breathing and felt the gentle rise and fall of her chest beneath me – she'd fallen back asleep. I sighed, slightly jealous, but stayed close to her and tried not to think about my accident or my weird dream/nightmare. Eventually, slumber found me.

The next morning, I didn't exactly feel well-rested, but I didn't want to concern Wanda nor draw attention to it as I knew it was probably just a rough first night. Instead, I let myself get distracted with Wanda wanting to cook me breakfast.

I soon found myself in the kitchen, sitting at the island and watching Wanda cook some pancakes for us both with an endearing smile on my lips. She was still in her pyjamas like me, her red hair pulled into a messy ponytail as an afterthought, and she radiated beauty. Right there, I could only wish my future looked exactly like this.

My moment of admiration was interrupted when someone came into the kitchen, earning our attention. It was Sam, one of the Avengers and a colleague of Wanda's.

"Good morning, ladies," he greeted with a smile. Already dressed for the day ahead, he asked, "Do I smell pancakes?"

"They're for Y/N, so back off," Wanda said playfully, pointing her spatula at him threateningly.

He raised his hands with defeat as I chuckled.

"Relax, I've got a shake," he said, grabbing said protein shake from the fridge. "Enjoy your pancakes." He glanced to me, expression softening as he added, "And I hope you feel better, Y/N. I heard about your accident."

"Thank you, Sam," I said gratefully, noticing the way Wanda flinched at his words. "I'm already feeling better, so..."

"That's great," he said genuinely, before looking between us. "I'll catch you guys later."

We both waved our goodbyes to him as he left. I wanted to question what was up with Wanda just then, but as Sam left the kitchen, the door slammed shut and startled me more than I thought it would. The noise sounded so familiar, so loud, kind of like what I heard last night in my dream. It must have been the mine when it exploded, a ghost of a memory that was returning. But that didn't seem right. Why didn't that seem right?

"Hey, Y/N, you okay?" Wanda asked, and I looked up, only to notice she was now standing by my side and looking down at me with concern.

I licked my lips, nodding. "Yeah, sorry, I just... yeah. I'm fine."

Her eyes were swimming with doubt, but she chose to say nothing. Instead, to my relief, she pulled me close, giving me a quick hug which I appreciated. As my head rested against her chest, I tried to ignore the familiar striking pain travelling around my forehead.

—

It was two nights later when another strange dream plagued my sleep. Similar to last time, there was a strange combination of scenes that I was sure I remembered and scenes that made no sense. This time though, all that I could feel was a tenseness in my whole body, like I was in a frozen state and my mind and body couldn't communicate. I couldn't move, paralysed by... fear? Shock? Disbelief? I didn't know what it was, but I woke up in the same way.

I'd heard of sleep paralysis, even experienced it a few times without realising. I think this was one of those times, with my body frozen in bed beside Wanda, but I didn't know it at the time. It just felt like a horribly-real dream. The room was dark, the familiar, yet unsettling, nightly blue hue casting shadows on the wall. But on the ceiling, bright and terrifying scenes played out before me. An explosion. Debris. Screaming.

None of it made sense and all I could feel was shock, horrified at how I couldn't move a muscle even if I tried. I tilted my head, seeing the alarm clock glowing red in the dark, letting me know it was past midnight. To the left, I saw a sleeping Wanda, lost in her dreams and unable to help me. I wanted to get up, run my hands over my face, have some water, open a window, do something. But I couldn't move. All I could do was watch the nightmare dance across the ceiling as my heart struggled to beat regularly and my lungs struggled to get enough oxygen.

I didn't know how long I was stuck like that, tears brimming my eyes and body paralysed with fear. But it finally ended and I opened my eyes, only to find the ceiling blank and myself able to move. Reluctantly, I lifted my hand, wiping the tears from my cheeks. It was just a dream (or form of sleep paralysis in hindsight). It wasn't real. But God, it felt horribly terrifying.

Admittedly, I was scared to go back to sleep for fear it would occur again. So, my eyes stayed wide awake, burning with exhaustion, and I continued to stare at the shadows on the wall, feeling my heart pounding in my ears.

I must have fallen asleep again at some point, as I woke up the next morning to Wanda getting out of bed. Sitting up in bed, I looked around and found the fear of last night wearing off now that the room was bathed in the morning light. Still, I was more shaken than I thought.

Not wanting to draw attention to it though, I let the day go on as usual, deciding to appreciate the free time I had from work to spend with Wanda. We decided to go to the park for a walk – Wanda thought it would help get me out of the Tower and I was hoping the fresh air would give me some clarity and help me to recover.

Only, it did the opposite.

We were walking hand in hand, myself listening to Wanda as she chatted about something that happened in training. If I'm being honest, I wasn't really listening; my thoughts were preoccupied with the jumbled mess that was my mind. Glimpses of memories were dancing across my head, teasing me with elements of the truth I couldn't quite make out.

My eyes drifted around mindlessly, settling on a little girl playing by the swings with her parents. I didn't think much of it, but then the familiar shouts for help from my nightmare plagued my mind, making me flinch. The dark, looming shadow returned and I suddenly felt a headache coming on, the pressure against my brain making me nauseous.

I stopped abruptly, letting go of Wanda's hand. She stopped speaking, turning around and furrowing her brows with concern.

"Hey, Y/N, what's wrong?" she asked, and I winced, clutching my head to relieve the pain.

The wave of nausea left after a moment, but the headache remained. I heard Wanda repeat my name quietly, sensing my discomfort.

"I think I need to see Doctor Maya again," I finally found my words.

"What is it? What's wrong?" she asked, resting a hand on my cheek and tilting my head up to meet her eyes. "You can tell me."

Her eyes were reassuring, calming me in an instant. I wanted to tell her everything, but I didn't want to burden her with my anxieties, so I offered her a small smile.

"I just don't think my recovery is as straightforward as I thought," I settled. "She may be able to help."

Wanda chewed her lower lip, nodding slowly. Thankfully, she didn't question me anymore. Instead, she took me back to the Tower to see Doctor Maya. I was grateful as she waited with me for her to be free, until I had to convince her I'd be okay going in myself.

"Are you sure? I don't mind," she said, exchanging looks with Doctor Maya, who looked away quickly.

I glanced between them, mildly confused, but nodded to Wanda. "I'd rather go alone, Wanda. I'll be okay."

She nodded, squeezed my hands comfortingly, then let me go. When I headed into Doctor Maya's office, she took a seat behind her desk and motioned for me to sit before her.

"You said this was urgent," she spoke first, after I took a seat opposite. "Is everything okay?"

I licked my lips, looking down at my hand as it scratched the arm of the chair nervously. "No... not really."

After a moment of hesitation and partial embarrassment, since I knew this was only supposed to be a mild concussion that felt like so much more, I explained everything that happened to Doctor Maya. The odd dreams/nightmares, the headaches, the overlapping memories and sleep paralysis. As hard as it was to relive, I told her everything in hopes she had an answer that maybe I hadn't realised.

When I finished speaking, she looked distracted with her own thoughts. I waited patiently, watching as she nodded to herself before looking to me calmly.

"It doesn't seem like anything to worry about, truthfully," she said, which I didn't expect. "You suffered a mild concussion, yes, but it must have rattled you more than we thought. The dreams and trouble sleeping are a result of your headaches and returning memories. You do remember what happened, right?"

I nodded, though something felt incorrect. "I think so, yes. I was helping an agent when a mine went off. I was thrown back, covered in debris. Hit my head."

She hummed. "Yes... and you're taking your medication?"

Another nod. "Of course. I just want to get better. The sooner I do, the sooner I can return to work."

"Then it seems that your only opponent is stress and impatience," she said simply. "You need to relax. Keep taking your meds. Try not to worry about returning to work just yet. Focus on getting better. I can prescribe you some sleeping pills if you think that will help."

Sighing disappointedly, I nodded. I was expecting more to be honest, possibly an explanation. Her words made sense logically, but it still didn't feel right. Nonetheless, I didn't want to hold her up any longer, so I let her prescribe me some more medication before leaving. Maybe I'd give relaxing a shot.

—

"It's a meatball."

I stifled a laugh as I studied the oddly shaped ball of meat in Wanda's hand. "Is it?"

She narrowed her eyes playfully. "It is otherwise you're making your own meal."

I laughed, pressing a haste kiss to her cheek. "Okay, okay, it's a meatball. Add it to the tray."

We were cooking spaghetti and meatballs for dinner about six days after my incident out in the field. I was still staying with Wanda at the Tower, and I was taking Doctor Maya's advice with my recovery. I didn't worry myself with returning to work which, admittedly, helped out, and the sleeping pills knocked me out long enough to get a good sleep. Though, sometimes the nightmares would still return. I didn't think about them too much though, not wanting them to hinder my recovery. Instead, I focused on getting better with my very supportive girlfriend by my side.

Wanda added the meatball to the baking tray, alongside the others, but as she reached to form another one from the bowl full of minced meat, she accidentally knocked it to the floor. The meat splattered across the tiles, making her gasp.

"Shit," she cursed, eyes widening slightly.

"Very clever," I teased with a smile.

"Let me just–"

"I got it," I cut her off, already bending to clear it up. "Just put the tray in the oven, yeah? Try not to drop it."

"Ha-ha, very funny."

I looked up in time to see her rolling her eyes playfully, but she grabbed the tray as I said.

I kneeled down, scooping the meat up and throwing it in the bowl, knowing it would have to go in the bin now. As I did, I realised how familiar the meat looked. Pink and flesh-like, covering my hands and sticking to me. Suddenly, my hands were shaking, the fleshy bits surrounded by blood, and I tried to blink away the sight, expecting to just see minced meat, but I couldn't. They were covered in what I somehow knew was the flesh of body parts.

Startled, I fell back onto my butt, my back hitting the drawer behind me and pulling me from my daydream. Wanda looked down at me with confusion, before sensing something was wrong and leaning down beside me. She rested a hand on my head, thumb stroking my forehead.

"What's wrong?" she asked, confused eyes staring between me and my hands which were still shaking. She grabbed the tea towel from the counter above us before wiping my hands for me and holding them. "Y/N. This has happened a few times. Please tell me what happened."

I was still shaken, unsure why there was a discomfort in the pit of my stomach. I risked glancing at my hands, which were clean and no longer covered in human fle– I mean, meat.

"I don't know what's going on," I finally admitted to her, shaking my head. "It's like my thoughts aren't my own. I can't control them. I just keep seeing stuff that isn't real."

She frowned, eyes peering through mine patiently.

"I still can't remember what happened with the mine," I said, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. "It's like, I know what happened and I know it's real, but when I try to remember, it just doesn't happen quite right. The picture doesn't appear. And I don't know why."

She pressed her lips together, jaw clenching slightly. I wasn't sure what she was thinking, but her eyes wouldn't meet mine.

"What did the doctor say?" she asked lowly.

I sighed, the discomfort still lining my stomach. "She thinks I just need time."

Wanda nodded, finally lifting her gaze. "Maybe she's right."

I knitted my brows together with frustration, nudging her away and standing up. "I don't need time! I'm a doctor, too. I know it shouldn't take this long. It was a mild concussion. I've treated hundreds of those."

"Y/N–"

"Just forget it," I said with exasperation, pulling away from her as she tried to reach out again. I knew it was uncalled for, taking it out on her for no reason, but I was too frustrated with the situation to care. "I think I'm gonna go for a walk."

She sighed from behind me, running a hand through her hair. I left her in the kitchen, suddenly not in the mood to eat. Clearly all of Doctor Maya's advice wasn't working – what I was experiencing wasn't normal. I needed to see her again.

So, after cleaning my hands properly and having a walk around the Tower to clear my head (as expected, it didn't work), I headed to Doctor Maya's office, hoping she was still in work today. To my surprise, when I reached her office, I saw her door was slightly ajar and she was already speaking to someone. My intention wasn't to eavesdrop, but when I heard my name said in a hushed whisper from a familiar voice, I knew I had to stay.

"...can't say anything," Wanda finished. "She'll get better."

Doctor Maya sounded frustrated. "It's not right, Miss Maximoff. This is against everything I stand for. Against everything Y/N stands for, too, I'm sure."

"This is for her benefit," Wanda snapped, before taking a deep breath. "Look, she can't handle the truth. It'll break her... I haven't worked out the kinks, but it'll be okay. She'll get better."

What the hell were they talking about? What truth could I not handle? Wanda and the doctor were in on something together, something they didn't want me to know... and it was something to do with why I was feeling like how I was. I knew I wasn't going insane – something was wrong!

I left them to it with plans of seeing the doctor afterwards, not wanting to get caught, and tried to wrap my head around the fact that Wanda had been keeping something from me this whole time. How could she? I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but I thought that we could trust each other.

What was she hiding?

#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you #elizabeth olsen imagine #elizabeth olsen #scarlet witch #mcu imagine #marvel imagine #mcu #marvel

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diaphragmjellyfish · 3 years

Text

Careful

So after I wrote that last Paul fic involving vaginismus, I got quite a few messages saying how much it meant to some of you and I just want to say how much it warms my heart to bring others joy or comfort through my writing. Like I’ve been telling a lot of you, fan fictions are amazing. I love them. But they’re not always realistic, and that can be damaging to people who think sex is supposed to go a certain way and then blame themselves when it’s not like that. We’re all different, and everyone deserves to have a partner that cares about your well-being and pleasure. Don’t settle for less.

Seth Clearwater x vaginismus!reader smut

(Seth is 18+ in this)

Being with Seth Clearwater was, in a word, magical. He truly was the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. He was always there for you when you were upset or having anxiety, always made you smile and laugh, got you cute little presents or sometimes cool rocks that he found on patrol, and was super physically affectionate. Hugs, kisses, cuddles, hickeys, hand-holding. Y’all were the poster children for PDA. It made you nervous when you first started dating, because you thought he would want to get intimate right away. You knew that if you told him you didn’t want to have sex right away, he would be more than understanding. That’s just the kind of person he was. But you feared that holding off on intimacy would damage your relationship. Seth’s love language was physical touch. Yours was too, so stopping things every time it got too heated was a big roadblock in the relationship. Or so you thought.

The day came where you had to tell Seth about your vaginismus. He had asked tons of questions before letting you know how he felt about it all. What causes it? What does it feel like? How does the physical therapy work? Is there anything I can do to help? Once you explained the logistics of it all, you guys could start to be more open and honest about what you were comfortable with doing. It turns out, he thought you just didn’t want to be intimate with him. He thought you were only sticking around because of the imprint bond. Once you explained that yes, you definitely really really want to have sex with him, you just can’t right now, he was all smiles and wanted to try all kinds of stuff that didn’t involve penetration. You guys would have super open conversations about what he could and couldn’t do to you, and started experimenting with the things you were comfortable with. Let’s just say, Seth became an absolute master in the art of oral sex. For a while, it was all he could do, so he did it. A lot. I mean, you’d have to physically pull him away sometimes when it got too sensitive. He loved knowing that he could make you feel so much pleasure. It made him feel needed. Wanted. And of course you returned the favor.

You guys definitely have the foreplay routine down pat. Seth was almost always there when it came time for you to dilate every day. He would sit next to you, hold your hand, kiss you, or just talk to you about his day. Whatever you wanted, and whatever would distract you. He was so supportive, that when the day finally came that you wanted to try having penetrative sex with him, he said no. He didn’t think you had been using the biggest dilator long enough. What if he hurt you? What if you just didn’t like it? What if what if what if…..

But you had been waiting long enough. His support honestly turned you on. Every day when he would sit there while you did your therapy, you wanted to jump his bones for being so. Damn. sweet. No guy had ever cared about you to the point of withholding from sex for you. They always just let you put up with the pain. Not Seth.

“But baby, what if it hurts you?” he voiced.

“Then we can stop and try again another time.”

“But what if-”

“Seth,” you cut him off. “I know my body. Believe me, I’ve had to pay attention to it every day for the past year and a half while I did my exercises. I’m ready. If you don’t want to, that’s fine, but don’t say no because of me. I want to try.” You sounded so soft and adorable while you said the last part that he nearly melted through the floor. Here he was, with the most beautiful girl on the planet all but begging him to have sex with her, and he was hesitating. That’s what love made you do.

“Ok, we can try. But you have to promise, I mean really promise, that the second it starts to feel anything but good, you’ll tell me.” His voice was laced with concern.

“I promise,” you said with so much confidence that he had to believe you.

“Alright. So we’re doing this. Did you want to… try it like, now?” The poor boy was a blushing mess right now. You just nodded your head and smiled. “Okay. Cool. Yeah, that’s cool. We can do it now. I’m totally down with that.” You knew based off of the way he was acting that you were going to have to make the first move, so you walked up, grabbed his face between your hands, and kissed him.

He seemed stiff, so you pulled away and said, “Everything ok?”

“Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Everything is perfect. I just… do you want to go to my room?” Again, you just nodded, and let him take your hand and lead you into his bedroom, closing the door behind you guys. Jeez, he seemed more nervous than you were. You sat down on the middle of his bed, and reached your arms out and did grabby-hands until he laughed and joined you, lying you down and hovering over you. He kissed you sweetly, giving you every opportunity to say stop. You didn’t, but instead threaded your fingers up through his inky hair and pulled him closer to you. He took this as a green light to deepen the kiss, and brush his tongue up against your own. You guys continued kissing for a while since this was comfortable territory for you both. He eventually started moving his hands under your shirt, first massaging your stomach with his thumb and then moving up. He pulled back from you suddenly, eyes wide. “No bra?”

“Nope. I didn’t want anything to get in the way today,” you smirked and slid your hands over his shoulders. He had a look of awe on his face as he pulled the hem of your shirt up. You sat up and took it off, throwing it to the floor. Okay, yeah, so you were eager. You’d never enjoyed sex before and you thought you actually might for the first time. It was exciting.

As you laid back down, his eyes never left yours. He came back down for another kiss before trailing his mouth down your jaw, suckling at your neck for a few minutes before it was covered in faint red marks, and moved down to your breasts. Seth had always worshipped your chest. It was one of his favorite parts of your body. The size, the shape, the feel, were all beyond perfect to him. You gasped as he took a nipple into his mouth, your back arching up into him. He brought his hand up to massage your other breast while his tongue continued swirling around the first one. You closed your eyes and tipped your head back, just relaxing into the feeling and letting your muscles be at ease. He sat up for a second, which was far too long, to take his shirt off, and you opened your eyes to admire his sculpted body. You would have loved him even if he wasn’t a shapeshifting beast, but damn, the muscles that came with were such a nice bonus. And they weren’t just for show. You never told him this, but whenever he picked you up so easily or carried you around or pushed you up against a wall, you got beyond turned on. You always wondered what it would be like to have him actually get rough with you, but that would be for another time.

Once Seth thought your boobs had been shown enough attention, he slid his hand back down to your stomach, and then lower. He fiddled with the waistband of your jeans before popping the button at the front and dragging the zipper down torturously slow. You felt so hot at this point that you thought you would climb out of your skin if he didn’t touch you properly soon. You raised your hips in a silent signal for him to take them off, but he was too distracted by the feeling of your soft skin to notice.

“Seth,” you whispered. He looked up at you, hand already stilling in case you wanted to stop.

“What’s wrong?” he panicked.

“Nothing is wrong. Can you help me take these off?” His eyes widened at this, and then he smiled. He sat up on his knees, gripping the waistband of your jeans on either side of you, and you raised your hips as he pulled them down slowly, admiring your legs as each inch of them was revealed. His breath caught in his throat as he took in the lacey g-string you were wearing, which you had bought specially for this moment. You never really cared about wearing cute underwear before since it would always end up on the floor anyways, but this was a big day. At least you hoped it would be. So you wanted to wear something cute, and boy did Seth appreciate it.

Once your jeans were all the way off, he gave a low whistle and said, “damn. My girlfriend is the most beautiful woman alive. How did I get so lucky?”

You hit his shoulder and looked away blushing at this. And then… oh, then.

Your sexy werewolf boyfriend lay down on his stomach in between your thighs, lifting your legs onto his shoulders, and gave you a smirk that could only be described as savagely canine. He kissed the insides of your thighs, nipping here and there before soothing with his tongue, inching closer and closer to where you really wanted him to be. He liked to take his time with this part. He flattened his tongue and gave your center a broad lick over your panties, eliciting a small gasp. He did this several more times until your hips were writhing and grinding, desperate for more friction. He reached under you, gripping the fabric of your underwear before all but ripping them off you.

“Hey, easy. Those were expensive,” you haphazardly pointed, too lost in the moment to really care.

“I’ll buy you new ones,” he spoke lowly into your center right before diving in and wrapping his lips around you, sucking and kneading with his tongue. You gave a small moan, fingers once again tangling in his hair. He kept this up, alternating between firm licks and small sucks, his tongue constantly flicking that perfect spot. Seth heard in Paul’s head through the mind link once that porn wasn’t accurate at all to what women actually got off on. You were supposed to pick 2, maybe 3 key moves and do those until she was close, and then just keep doing exactly that until she came. Women are about consistency and rhythm, so if you change it up, they have to start all over. This advice had not failed him yet. Had not failed either of you, and you could have kissed Paul if you found out that that’s where Seth had gotten this tip. Fifteen delicious minutes later and you were teetering on the edge. You used to be insecure about how long you took to finish, but Seth had always reassured you that he just wanted you to feel good, and he would spend all day between your legs if he could. You were right there, legs shaking and eyes screwed shut, but couldn’t quite get that knot in your stomach to unravel. Seth pulled away, sensing your impatience, and knew you needed a little push. He got up and opened your bedside table, pulling out the large bottle of lube that you used for dilating, slathering his middle finger in it, and laid back down between your legs.

You knew what he was going to do, and trusted him enough to be careful, so you lie back and relax, knowing he would get you there no matter what. He dove back in with his lips, tongue flicking and rubbing for another few seconds before positioning his finger at your entrance, swirling it around to distribute the lube. He looked up at you, knowing you liked to guide his hand at first to make sure you were comfortable. You grabbed his hand, sliding his finger in slowly, inch by inch. You were pretty worked up at this point, so it didn’t take very long before his finger way fully inside you. He stilled his hand, waiting for you to give the all-clear, still sucking at your clit like a starving man. You tugged at his hair, shifting your hips against his hand, which he knew to be the cue to start moving. You didn’t much like the in-out feeling of being fingered. You preferred the pressure of him pressing on certain spots. He twisted his finger slowly so that his palm was facing upward, and began to stroke your top wall, making you shudder.

This was going to push you over that edge. Several minutes of consistency, pressure, and suction had you cumming hard, grinding on his face and moaning his name loudly. When you came down, Seth was still going, though more gently since he knew how sensitive you got post-orgasm. You had to whine and tug on his hair to get him to take his mouth off you, his finger stilling but remaining inside.

“Wow,” you breathed, eyes closed in a haze.

“Wow yourself, Gorgeous,” he winked at you. You made a move to reach down and grab him through his sweatpants, but Seth was quick to pull your hand away. “This is about you tonight,” he said with total sincerity. You wanted to argue that it was about both of you, but you knew he had his mind set on taking care of you, so you decided to let him. “You ready to try, baby?”

“Hell yes,” you laughed, sitting up. “Maybe I could start on top? That’s how I dilate and I could control it better that way.”

“I was just about to say the same thing,” he teased back. He moved to lie back against the headboard after taking his pants off as you kneeled on the edge of the bed, grabbing the bottle of lube. While you were turned away from him, he brought his hand to a cheeky slap on your ass, catching you by surprise.

“Hey!” You squealed and then giggled, turning to give him a playful glare.

“I couldn’t resist! It was right there,” He said, holding his hands up in surrender.

You simply rolled your eyes at this, grabbing a condom from the bedside table as well. You turned to him, still kneeling, and handed him the condom, which he ripped open with his teeth (and it was so hot). He slowly rolled it onto his rock hard dick, keeping a hand around the base as he looked up at you. “You absolutely sure about this?” he questioned.

“Yes Seth. I really want to.”

With this, you climbed up to straddle his lap, squirting generous amounts of lube onto him and spreading it around with your hand. You knelt up, positioning him at your entrance after throwing the lube on the floor. He sat straight up, hands going around your waist, one reaching up behind you to cradle your head. He gave you a passionate kiss as you lowered slightly, letting the tip of him find its way in. You stopped here, doing some deep breathing as Seth stared intently at your face, looking for any signs of discomfort. Seth was slightly smaller than your largest dilator, but what had you slightly concerned was the friction. The in-out-in-out factor usually caused you pain when you tried bouncing on your dilators. You would just have to keep the lube on stand-by and remember to breathe with your stomach.

When you were sure you would be ok, you lowered more, sinking down an inch with every exhale. Seth lovingly rubbed your back, hand petting your hair as he waited patiently for you to adjust. You felt unbelievable around him, but he didn’t want to express too much pleasure, fearful that you would put up with any pain for his benefit. He settled for nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck, holding you as close as he physically could. You lightly scratched at his shoulders, holding on for dear life. You had to stop for a moment at the half-way point, trying your best to control your pelvic muscles and picturing a flower bud opening in your mind. Slowly, you lowered another inch, and then another, and another, until you could feel his thighs touch you. At this, you sat down fully on his lap, his cock sheathed fully inside of you.

I need a minute you thought. This was a lot. Silicone dilators were one thing, but to have your boyfriend inside you like this was completely different. He was warm, hot even, and you could feel his pulse, feel the throb in his veins. The twitch of him deep inside you.

“Fuck,” Seth gasped quietly, as if he didn’t want you to hear.

“Feels good?” you questioned.

“Mm-hmm. Are you okay?” He asked right back, face still buried in your neck.

“I think so. Just give me a second.”

“Take all the time you need, baby. Do you want me to touch you?” His hand came over from your back and he grazed your lower stomach with his knuckles.

“No. Too much,” was all the answer he needed before he wrapped his arm around your back once again, massaging your skin soothingly. This was going on too long, you thought. Seth was probably dying right now. You didn’t want him to suffer, so you lifted your hips a couple inches, sinking back down on him. You felt a stinging sensation at your entrance, but ignored it. Before you could lift your hips again, Seth grabbed your waist in a vice-like grip, still holding you against him but stopping all movement.

“Don’t you dare,” he spoke softly yet firmly. “I can feel how tense your muscles are right now. Relax and then you can try again.” You wanted to cry at this. He was getting frustrated. He was going to break up with you! But you silenced those negative comments and realized he was right. So you took some deep breaths again, focusing on the pressure of his tip deep in your walls, the feel of his fingers grazing your back, his other hand playing with your hair. You closed your eyes and focused only on the sensations. “There you go, Sweetheart,” he said as he felt you relax around him. Instead of going straight up and down this time, you ground your hips against his, making circles on top of him. And it felt… good? Jesus. For the first time in your life, sex wasn’t hurting. It still felt a little tight and stiff, but it didn’t hurt. So you kept at it. Your breathing picked up at the sensation, along with the exertion of kneeling for so long. Seth pulled his face out of your neck and used the hand that was petting your hair to pull you into a passionate kiss. You guys made out as you continued to circle your hips, both of your breathing labored. Seth gripped your ass in one of his hands, helping control your movements as your legs began to shake.

“You getting tired, baby?” he questioned, even though he could see that you were. You just nodded, slowing down a little. “Do you want to try a different position? Maybe one where I could do some work?” You wanted to, but were nervous. The trust you had for Seth was absolute, but what other position could work?

“Like what?” you questioned hesitantly.

He thought for a moment, hands stilling your hips, before he cracked a smile. “I have an idea. Here,” he spoke as he shifted you both further down the bed and laid back so he was flat on his back, you still on top of him. He brought you down so you were stomach to stomach, hands going to the small of your back, and planted his feet on the bed. He held you close as he lightly thrusted up into you.

“Oh,” you breathed a moan. This felt really good. Being on top and controlling the movement had been good to adjust, but having Seth fuck up into you like this was another level of pleasure. He barely thrusted, but still hit the right spots. And you could still easily lift your hips to pull away if it started to hurt.

“Good?” he whispered.

“Mm-hmm. Oh my God,” you whispered to yourself, reaching up with one hand to grab the headboard. You thought you heard him breath a laugh, but were too lost in the moment to pay much attention to anything but Seth’s movements. He kept a steady pace of small thrusts, going slowly, never questioning the pace or pushing your limits. After a while, you started to push your hips back against his as he went into you.

“You want to try going a little faster, Sweetheart?” he questioned gently.

“Yes,” you said with half-lidded eyes as you looked right into Seth’s coffee-colored irises.

He brought himself out a little further at this, pushing back into you slightly faster than before, and hitting that perfect soft spot inside you that had your toes curl. You released a real moan this time, and Seth swore he could have cum from that sound alone. He kept this pace up, not daring to go any faster since you both were already enjoying it so much and he didn’t want to risk ruining the moment with pain. For the first time in your life, you felt actual pleasure from penetration, and you wanted more. You wanted to cum, and you felt like you actually could. With this realization, you brought one of your hands down to your swollen clit, rubbing tight circles on it that had your moans go up in pitch.

Seth grabbed your hand, putting it back on his chest as he reached down and began rubbing you with his own fingers and cockily stating, “That’s my job.” You felt your eyes roll back in your head at this, and it was the hottest thing Seth had ever seen. You felt a knot begin to form in your stomach, tightening faster than it ever had before. After just a couple more minutes of this, you moan “Oh, Seth. I think I’m gonna cum.” Of course this only spurred him on to keep going. Consistency, he reminded himself. Don’t change a thing. And he didn’t, not until you were seeing stars, trembling on top of him and screaming his name as your climax crashed into you like a wave. You had to rip his hand off your dripping center when the sensations became too much, and he stilled inside of you.

“Did you finish?” you questioned him once you came down, confused. If he had, it had sure been subtle.

“No, but I didn’t know if you were okay to keep going. You seem pretty sensitive right now.”

“Seth, I want you to cum too. Just… do you think you could like, not take a while? Like, could you finish in the next couple minutes? I’m okay now but I don’t want to push it.”

“Baby, I can finish in the next 30 seconds after looking at your face while you came like that.” You blushed deeply at this, breath picking back up again as he continued to gently thrust into you. He screwed his eyes shut after a couple thrusts, losing rhythm in his hips as he spilled into the condom with a growl and relaxed underneath you. “Fuck,” was all he said.

You laughed. “Yeah, fuck.”

He let you sit up and pull off of him at your own pace before dismounting and moving to walk to the bathroom.

“Wait! Wait,” he almost yelled, startling you half to death as he sat up, removed and tied off the condom, and hopped off the bed to throw it away. “This is the part where you let me clean you up and take care of you.”

“You just did take care of me, Seth,” which made him giggle.

“Not like that silly goose! Just stay there.” He joked as he made his way into the bathroom, coming out with a damp towel. “Spread ‘em,” he motioned towards your legs. You laughed deeply, obliging. He was ultra gentle as he wiped the lube off the insides of your thighs, kissing your knees as he finished. Then, he threw the towel into the hamper and retrieved his softest sweatshirt and placed it over your head as you moved your arms into the sleeves. “And now, we cuddle.” He looked so damn pleased with himself.

You laid your head on Seth’s warm chest, his arms coming to wrap around your waist. You two stayed like this for a while, just soaking in the details of what just happened. You did it. You had sex with your boyfriend. Actual penetrative sex, and it didn’t hurt.

As if reading your mind, Seth spoke. “I’m so proud of you.”

#twilight #twilight smut #seth clearwater #seth clearwater x reader #seth x reader #vaginismus #dilating #booboo stewart #paul lahote #embry call #wolf pack #sam uley #jacob black #jared cameron

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ashintheairlikesnow · 3 years

Text

Time Apart

CW: Trauma survivor, referenced noncon and assault, heavy internalized victim-blaming and self-loathing/anti-asexuality (Chris has serious issues from his conditioning around this)

(references events from this small series)

I think you should spend time apart, not with me.

When Chris picks up his phone, it's not at all the message from Laken he expected to see. Not the kind of thing they've ever sent before.

He has to read it two times, then three. The letters swim and shake along with a dull pounding inside his head, but no matter how he tries to make them into other words - tell himself he must have misunderstood, must be missing something - they come back together the same in the end.

I think you should spend time apart, not with me.

Each letter is as crisp and clean as a sterilized blade between each rib, one by one by one by one.

The words are a body blow. They're a hundred blows, beating him into a barely recognizable shattered shell of himself. It wasn't supposed to happen this way - it's been a bad few days, yeah, a bad week really, but until yesterday's fight it had never occurred to him that Laken might give up on him.

The fight was his fault, anyway.

He meant to apologize last night, but then Nova had come into his room, and he'd lost the rest of the night to lying next to Jake, trying to remember how to stop living inside his head again, how to stop being still.

He'd woke up this morning with his stomach doing butterfly flips inside him, nervous, but he'd really wanted to say he was sorry, for the fight, for all the weirdness lately. He'd wanted to apologize for being difficult.

Instead... he'd woken up to find a missed text from the night before, sent after he'd shoved Nova away but before he could stand to look at anything again.

I think you should spend time apart, not with me.

There it sits.

He hasn't unlocked his phone yet. Instead, he keeps tapping the button to light up the screen, looking at the message preview that has all he needs to see. Lets it go dark again. As if one of these times he'll click and it'll say something else.

But it doesn't,

It just says the same damn thing.

I think you should spend time apart.

Not with me.

He's still staring at it when another one comes in. He feels the soft pulse of his phone in his hand, and the screen lights on its own.

LAKEN - NOW Did you see my message?

He thinks maybe Kauri had it easier when he was the age Chris is now. Back when Kauri carried on entire conversations in emoji form, letting the nuance and ambiguity take over, the recipient working through the meaning on their own. With this, each letter is merciless, each word is unmistakable. He can’t misunderstand it.

Can he?

He opens the phone with shaking fingers, types back yes, presses send, and turns his phone off.

Then he throws it at the wall.

He’s grateful for the heavy plastic case that makes it bounce off and drop to the floor without breaking. There's a strip on the back, textured and a soft purple, gray, white, and black. He rubs his fingers over it sometimes in class to keep himself from rocking and being distracting.

Now he just... stares at it.

Laken bought that for him. They bought the shirt he's wearing right now-

He yanks it off his head before he can think, balls up the soft fabric and throws it as well. It just sort of drifts pointlessly to the floor, a single eyeball from the print of a band he likes staring back at him.

Laken has ranted before about people who break up by text message, and Chris has to breathe through a physical ache in his chest that tightens every muscle at how awful he must be that they're not doing this face to face. How awful, how used-up, how shredded apart, how fucking pretty he is.

After all, he and Laken have been together for more than a year, and he still held perfectly still for Nova to touch him before he remembered how to move. After all, he’s a grown man who still cried and fell apart when Jake was hurt. After all, after all, after all...

He scrambles across the floor for his phone again, turns it back on. Part of him hopes he’ll see a new text saying they take it back, they didn’t mean it. Or just asking him to apologize for what he’d said that night before, for how he’d thrown their confusion over his reaction to something back at them, echoing out the way Kauri fights sometimes, talking about himself the way he thinks everyone else might be thinking about him, so he says the insult first and no one else gets to surprise him with it.

But there’s nothing new.

He manages to open the texts again, barely, and breathes in gasps, nearly pants, as he types out, you don’t want me at your place?

Not right now.

Is it because of what I can’t do?

It takes them a minute to answer. Every single second ticks by with a slowness Chris hasn’t felt since his days in the cold white room, tied down to stillness, forced to endure every minute that passed in perfect silence or to the soundtrack of his own tears and pleading for it to stop.

When they do respond, it’s just, it’s because of what you won’t do.

His breath catches in his throat. The ache in his head starts to pound harder, and he has to close his eyes against a sharp stab behind them.

What he won’t do.

They’ve never cared before. How-... how could they suddenly care now? The fight had only a little bit been about that, it’d really been about something else. About his nightmares, how he’s not sleeping, not seeing his friends, skipping therapy. It hadn’t even been about... that. About what Chris can do and what he can’t, in bed.

But that was the thing - the fight had started when Chris had flinched back from Laken’s touch to his back, and snapped at them, and accused them of wanting too much, and...

And now this.

It’s like they knew about Nova. Knew that he could be good just fine - better than fine, Handler Petrus said he was one of the best he’d ever worked with once - he just... wouldn’t. Won’t. Doesn’t want to. Never wanted to.

Can’t do it without tearing himself to pieces all over again.

It was always a scream inside his mind, but should he have pushed it down and tried harder to be more like everyone else? Is he losing Laken because of it? Did Nova pick up on something Chris himself doesn’t know?

Should he have... tried?

Even if it hurt?

He drops the phone again, then kicks it viciously under his bed, listening to the scrape of it sliding across the floor, the thump as it hits the wall. He hears it vibrate again, but this time he doesn’t care what Laken has to say.

They’ve said enough.

He understands.

Part of him expected this eventually.

He leaves the room, doesn’t bother to pull on his compression shirt, even. He lets his skin prickle bare and exposed to the air. He accepts the discomfort, the uneasy feeling of being too seen, too felt.

The house is quiet, this early.

He makes himself toast with butter, wincing at the scrape of the knife against the crisp bread, the sound boring into his ears. But eventually it’s done, and he slumps into a chair at the kitchen table, willing himself to cry. Somehow, the tears just... don’t happen.

He can hear Jake snoring softly from the living room. He’d been up with Chris until nearly 4 am, then Chris was awake again at 6:30, looking at that text, looking over and over and over again. Two hours of sleep leave him weirdly euphoric alongside his despair. Like he’s floating in some nightmare place that isn’t awake and isn’t sleeping, either.

He’s probably slept nine hours in three days at this point. He keeps seeing Jake with a knife sticking out of him every time he closes his eyes. Jake, screaming as Antoni pushed cloth into his wound to stop up the bleeding. Jake with a bullet wound, sitting up against the wall, staring at him with wide eyes whispering, It’s okay, Tristan, I love you, it’s okay as he dies.

He can’t sleep. He can’t leave for long. He can’t breathe. He can’t think.

Him being what he is, it’s the reason Jake is hurt. If he hadn’t been his brother, he wouldn’t have decided to run a house for Romantics, and he wouldn’t have ended up dealing with all the dangerous bits about them.

Jake said it himself, didn’t he? It’s a mistake, running a house for Romantics. Not his best idea. A mistake.

Chris is a mistake.

Him being weak, and cowardly... it’s hurting Jake, making his life harder.

He makes everyone’s life harder.

There’s a soft sound of footsteps behind him, and he turns to find Nova in the doorway, staring back. She’s in a sleeveless gray dress and has her long dark hair pulled back from her temples, spilling in a waterfall down her back. Her eyes are dark and fathomless, and she gives him a faint, slight smile.

She had smiled like that with one hand down his pants.

Chris turns around, too fast, his head spinning a little, and hunches over his toast. “Good... good, um, good morning,” He mumbles.

She clears her throat. “Morning. Chris, about-... about last night...”

“Don’t, um, don’t-... don’t don’t don’t worry about it.” He takes a breath. He doesn’t want his toast any longer.

“I’m sorry,” She says, simply. “I spoke to Sarita about it, and... and she said this happens with us, and I should apologize, but, um. So I am. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-... I thought I was helping.”

“I... know you did.” His words are slowing down. Chris can’t hold on to his thoughts, they want to drift away somewhere else, somewhere safer. Somewhere darker.

“When I was with-... with my Miss, she would always say, if you are sad the best way to fix it is to make your body forget that feeling, replace it with something else. And that was what we replaced my sadness with. So, you were sad and upset, and I thought I could fix it that way.” She pauses, flushing a little, looking down and to the side as she moves with effortless grace to get a glass and fill it with water, take a small sip.

“Kauri used to... to do that,” Chris says after a pause, thinking about it. Kauri, who would show up in the small hours of the morning reeking of liquor and someone else’s cologne, or just didn’t show up at all. Kauri, who would laugh instead of crying, and laugh with someone’s arms around him, a guy whose name he didn’t know.

Kauri, who ran and ran and ran and can do things and be things that Chris can’t.

Or... won’t.

What if he’s been hurting Laken this whole time and didn’t know it, because he was already hurt himself?

His foot starts to tap tap tap on the floor until he stops it.

“Did he? Did it-... work for him?” Nova asks it with genuine curiosity, and her eyes are so pretty. He looks up at her, and then down again, pushing the plate of toast away from himself.

“I don’t know,” Chris whispers. “I, I don’t know. He’s happy now, but...”

“Was he happy then?”

“No. But, but, but... maybe we aren’t supposed to be. At least... not with, with anyone... who isn’t like us.”

“Jake isn’t like us,” Nova points out. Her presence in the room feels heavy, like a weight pushing down on him. But what does it matter? He’s not with Laken anymore, anyway. If he wanted to, he could stand right up and kiss Nova right now, press her back into the counter, and learn what it’s like to be the one doing things and not just having them done to him.

But his body doesn’t stir at the thought. It never has.

“He is,” Chris answers. “A, a little bit. I’m, I’m, I’m sorry, too, Nova. Sorry that I-I can’t.”

“No, I know. You have a partner, and I shouldn’t have-”

“I don’t have... I, I, I I don’t have a partner anymore.” Chris stands up, leaving her there with his plate of untouched toast. The sky outside is bright as the sun rises, as if mocking the way he feels like a stormcloud inside.

Nova watches him leave, and whispers to herself, “No partner?”

Chris goes outside, pulling a sweatshirt that hangs on the coatrack on over his head to protect his skin, curling up on the porch swing and watching cars pulling out of driveways as the neighborhood starts to head to work in ones and twos.

He doesn’t cry.

He sits very, very still, and he is silent.

Upstairs, under the bed, his phone vibrates, again and again, unnoticed.

Just go talk to Nat, Chris. That’s all I said. Just go see Nat and get a night or three away from the house. Being there all the time is overwhelming you. Are you even looking at these? Chris you can’t just ignore me every time I say something you don’t like Chris answer me ... ... Oh shit, Chris, my phone autocorrected earlier and I didn’t notice I meant “some time at Nat’s”, not apart Chris? Are you seeing my messages? Baby? Chris, please check your phone and answer me. Please.

@burtlederp @finder-of-rings @endless-whump @whumpfigure @astrobly @newandfiguringitout @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @cubeswhump @whump-tr0pes @downriver914 @whumptywhumpdump @whumpiary @orchidscript @nonsensical-whump @outofangband @eatyourdamnpears

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awindylife-writes · 3 years

Text

After the End (Comes the Beginning)

Relationships: 10th Doctor x reader, Donna x reader (platonic), Donna x Doctor (platonic), Rose x reader (mentioned, platonic)

Summary: Christmas bride rewrite. The Doctor and you cope with the loss of Rose and meet Donna.

Warnings: mentions of the loss of Rose

Genre: angst

You lost her.

You lost Rose and she didn't even get to finish her sentence before you and the Doctor were ripped away.

You were standing in the TARDIS with her last words ringing in your ears. You stared at the wall where she'd stood just a second ago. You were sinking to your knees and you didn't even notice with your vision blurred, too many tears to see through.

Too much pain to get up.

A sob interrupted your quiet litany of "Nononononononononono-" and you hadn't even known you were speaking. You tried to catch your breath but you seemed to have forgotten how to take air in. The only thing that existed was the hole in your chest.

Then the Doctor's teary face appeared in your vison. His hands were gripping your arms. He was calling for you.

"Y/N. Y/N. Y/N." There was desparation in his voice and so much grief in his eyes that it woke you up.

Because he'd lost Rose too. He loved her too, you three had been best friends and after all that he'd lost he must have been breaking. And if there was one thing you wouldn't stand for now, it was leaving him alone.

"I'm here." You wiped your tears with your palms and looked into his deep brown shattered eyes. "I'm here, Doctor, and l'm not leaving." You tried for a smile as you gently took his face in your hands and wiped his tears with your thumb.

When you saw he'd heard you, you pulled him into your arms. You were clinging to each other and you weren't sure if you were ever going to stop. Ever.

Then you heard a gasp and a shocked squeak. You and the Doctor broke apart enough to look at the strange woman who was now standing in TARDIS. You both stood up out of astonishment to see her better.

"What?" you heard the Doctor's incredoulus voice. You simply stared. If you hadn't been desolate, the sight would have been hilarious.

There was a ginger bride standing in the TARDIS asking, "Who are you?" and there was no clue to explain how she got there.

You found yourself smiling.

"What?" the Doctor breathed again. You thought you might start laughing but then you looked at him. He still had teartracks on his face.

The reality came back like a slap.

"Who are you?" she demanded, and you just

stared.

"What?" The Doctor seemed to be caught in a loop so you stepped towards her.

"Hi. My name's Y/N and this is the Doctor. You're standing in the TARDIS."

"You can't do that l wasn't- we're in flight that is- that is physically imposible how did you-" the Doctor was rambling away but the ginger cut him off.

"Tell me where l am," she told you with force. "I demand you tell me RIGHT NOW where am l?"

"Inside the TARDIS," you repeated and she focused on you.

"The what."

"The TARDIS."

"The what?"

"The TARDIS."

"The what???"

"It's called the TARDIS," the Doctor finally joined in.

"That's not even a proper word!"

When the Doctor went to get money from the ATM, you went with him. You'd have stayed with Donna before, before, but not now. You were not letting him out of your sight. Judging by the panicked look in his eyes when he checked if you were following him he felt the same.

You turned him away from the partying crowd, towards the bar. You'd recognized the look in his eyes as he watched the dancing couples, it mirrored how you felt inside.

You hugged him close and he buried his face into your shoulder.

Then you noticed the cameraman.

You screamed at Lance when he said those horrible things about Donna. You made sure she knew she isn't alone. You held her hand.

Then when she was crying in the TARDIS and the Doctor didn't notice, you held her.

When the empress of the Racknoss screamed, you got lost. She screamed in grief, and there was just as much of it in you.

Donna pulled you out of it.

There would be enough time to grieve when this was over, and then you would never get lost again.

"I'll just, go out there and do something," Donna finished with a smile. You exchanged looks with the Doctor.

"Well, you could always..." he began.

"What?"

"Come with us." You stepped towards her. There was so much hope in you but you tried to keep it at bay. You didn't think you could take much more hurt today.

"No," Donna said in a soft voice. Well, so much for that.

"Okay," the Doctor reacted immediately.

"I can't," Donna told you sadly.

"No, that's fine!"

"No but really though, I mean everything we did today- Do you live your life like that?"

"Not all the time," you tried, but you knew it was no use. It wasn't true.

"I think you do. And I couldn't," Donna shook her head.

"But you've seen it out there," you tried. "It's beautiful."

"And it's terrible. That place was flooding and bruning and they were dying and he stood there like-" Donna turned to the Doctor. "I don't know. A stranger."

"And then you made it snow, I mean you scare me to death!" She turned back to you. "The both of you!"

"Well then," said the Doctor.

But then Donna went on, "Tell you what I will do, though- Christmas dinner."

She was followed by silence.

You couldn't speak, not when you could see Jackie's gentle smile as she passed you your cup. And then you could hear Mickey laugh while you scooped the turkey on your plate. Home, they had been your home, Rose and Jackie and Mickey, all that warmth and joy and ease, because you hadn't had to pretend when they were there. No, every moment was a gi-

"Oh come on." Donna's voice broke you out of the dream. Because that was what it was now, and that was what it would stay - a dream.

"No, no, we couldn't," you tried to decline. You couldn't sit down with a family, and be happy, and let it be Christmas. Not now. The memory of Mickey and Jackie burned, but Rose -

Not without Rose. Not when it felt like half your chest was missing. It had been less than a day.

"We don't do that sort of thing," the Doctor joined in.

"You did it last year, you both said so, and might as well, because mom always cooks enough for twenty," she tried.

"Donna," you said and there was something in your voice that stopped her (grief). "We can't." You let your sorrow show, and you hadn't wanted to do that.

But it was so, so close, just below the surface, everything in you was screaming, still screaming Nononononono ROSE!!!! There had been enough danger and adrenaline to distract you, but now that you were standing there in the snow, you couldn't keep the gnawing pain at bay. You were splintering.

She looked into your eyes, and you knew she understood. "Will I ever see you again?"

The Doctor gave her a soft smile. "If we're lucky."

Then you stepped towards Donna and she hugged you, even though you were both damp from the rain. She lifted her head from your shoulder and adressed the Doctor, "Just... hold onto her." She gave you a tight squeeze. "You need someone to stop you."

"Yeah," his voice was so soft you almost couldn't catch it.

And now it was time to go. You pulled away, but before you let go, you smiled and looked into Donna's brilliant blue eyes. "Thank you." You squeezed her arm so she knew you really meant it.

"And good luck," the Doctor wished Donna as you stepped backwards to join him. "And just... be magnificent."

She chuckled. "I think I will, yeah."

The Doctor opened the TARDIS door for you and you stepped in, but then Donna called out for you to wait and you both turned back. "What?"

"That friend of yours, what was her name?" she asked and you were ashamed you hadn't told her yet.

"Rose," you and the Doctor said in one voice. "Her name was Rose," you repeated and then there was nothing left to say.

You gave Donna a sad smile and turned away. The Doctor closed the door behind you and walked to the concole. You joined him just in time to grab a hold of it when the TARDIS started shaking.

You were off to the stars.

"Do you blame me?" the Doctor said in a tight voice when it was quiet. It was just the two of you again. You'd been hugging, and then he'd pulled away just enough to see your face and ask.

"What?" You had a small idea what he meant, but you didn't want to believe it. He wouldn't meet your eyes.

"Do you blame me for losing Rose?" he clarified, looking down at your joined hands. "I was supposed to keep you safe. I promised l would keep you both safe. And l didn't." His voice broke on the last word. His shoulders were tense, like he was bracing for a hit. You realized he'd braced himself because he thoght you wanted to leave him.

And all you wanted to do was smack him.

"Doctor, listen to me. And listen well," you commanded as you gently tilted his chin to look him in the eye. "Are you listening?" you demanded, and he nervously replied, "Yes."

"Good. What happened to Rose was not your falt. Did you hear me? Not. your. fault. I do not, and will never blame you for her loss."

He stared at you with his big brown eyes, lips slightly parted. He was completely lost, like he couldn't comprehend what you were saying.

"We knew that it was dangerous, we knew what could happen. It was her choice to stay, like it was mine. It could have been me just as easily."

His grip on your arm tightened as he shook his head, whispering "No, nononono," like he couldn't let himself imagine that posibility.

But you went on, "Or it could have been you, or none of us. That's the risk we took, that's the risk we both chose to take, from the moment we started travelling with you."

"It was our choice. Rose's and mine. And you don't get to take it from us, you hear me? You don't get to take her choice away like it was something you decided, like it was something only you did. She loved us and chose us and she was brave. So the consequences came, yes, like every other adventure we had, it's just that this time we don't like them. But they are ours and we'll live with them." There was stinging in your eyes and you didn't fight it. You cupped the Doctor's cheek with your hand. His brown eyes were wide, as if he just now came to understand what you'd said. What you'd meant.

You went on, "I'll grieve, and l'll hurt and so will you. But l'd rather have that time, the memories of Rose, of us together and the pain, than not to have had her at all." Your throat tightened and you had to swallow a few times to be able to speak again. You took a breath and finished, "So remember, Doctor, the choice was hers, and the choice is mine."

He had tears glittering on his cheeks and so did you. You held his gaze until he closed his eyes and hung his head, and then you hugged him.

You held him close and he clung to you even though he was shaking. You both sobbed but still you held each other.

You would hold each other together.

#doctor who #doctor who x reader #the doctor x reader #tenth doctor x reader #10th doctor x reader #the doctor #10th doctor #tenth doctor #doctor who fanfiction #reader insert #donna x reader #rose x reader #donna noble #rose tyler #donna noble x reader #rose tyler x reader #donna x doctor #donna noble x doctor

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spideyspeaches · 3 years

Text

Truth and Reconciliation ↬ p.p

AN: for @scarletspideyy ‘s 3k challenge! And also inspired by Rambling by @lousimusician !!!! Go check theirs out its HILARIOUS 😂

Summary: you're hit by an alien substance that makes you speak the truth no matter WHAT the situation is ;)

Warnings : rambling. lots of it. Also mentions of sex cause that’s basically the plot but it has not smut. it’s only implied! it is also implied that all the characters are 18+ !

Word count: 1.2k

College!Peter Parker x Avenger!Reader

Masterlist || Taglist

The thing is, even if you’re dating a hot smartass like Peter Parker, your ability to make smart decisions are exceptionally low. Add that with being a chaotic junior Avenger and boom you have a reckless teenager at your service.

“Ugh, I wish Peter was here right now.” you mumbled as you kicked the creepy robot monster square in the chest, huffing a little before running off.

“You’re just saying that because he’s your boyfriend.” Nat says in the comms, the static startling you a little.

“And because his ass looks great in the super tight spandex.” you nodded very seriously, missing your hot ass boyfriend’s ass, and of course because you were worried that he was going insane sitting at the tower’s newly delivered futon, munching at M&Ms and sulking about his ankle and how he broke it (by tripping in the shower).

“That’s it. The next suit I make for the kid will make him look like a pillow.” Tony piped up in your conversation.

“Nooo please don’t do that Tony, for my sanity!” you said, smirking at the ‘get some’ and ‘gross teenagers’ that came from Sam and Bucky, before your eyes widened.

‘Oh shit.’ you thought.

A Jabba the Hutt like creature was making its way towards you with a gun…in it’s hand. Wondering how the Jabba look-alike fitted a gun in its barely there hands, you used your telekinetic powers to fly towards the goop monster, thrusting your hands in front of you and slicing it smackdab through its belly, satisfied by the way it blasted in smithereens, but not before the green goopy thing hit your face, sliding down your neck and shoulders.

Looking in wonder at the green goop as it seemed to have saturated in your skin, you wondered,

“The fuck was that thing?”

Ignoring the ‘language’ from Cap, you felt your vision waver.

“Uh Mr. Stark, Nat, Bruce, someone. I think something’s wrong, I can’t see straight, which reminds me that Peter wears contacts but he never told anyone and I only know that cause I’m nosy and his glasses make him look ridiculously dorky and hot at the same time, why am I telling you this?” You said, trying to shut your mouth.

“I’m going to pretend that you don’t sound like you want to bone my kid, but were you hit by something? Any weird alien green goop? Are you hurt?” Tony said, landing near you.

“Oh my you care about me too, you’re like a father figure 2.0 to me too, but you didn’t ask that. Yeah I was hit by this weird green alien goop that seeped into my skin and that creature kind of looked like Jabba the Hutt-”

“-like the star wars character?”

“– yeah now stop interrupting me dad..man.. dadman! As I was saying, I think the thing is kind of like a truth serum. But it’s also making me say what my mind desires the most, like the Mirror of Erised! ” you said, excited in your own world, which is why you didn’t notice the glimmer in the other Avengers’ eyes as they saw you blabber your mouth off until you were out of breath.

***

“So you’re telling me that my girlfriend physically can’t stop telling the truth? Or just stop talking?” Peter said, crossing his forearms and squinting at the team. It did nothing but make him look adorable because of his propped up broken leg.

They at least had the decency to duck their heads to hide their smirks.

“Yeah if I have to hear her talk one more time about the theories of what might happen in season 8 of Brooklyn nine nine and then get distracted by “the veins in Peter’s arms’, I swear I will blast another hole in the wall!” Tony shrieked, hands up in the air in an exasperated gesture.

“But it’s true right? I mean Peter come on! you folding your arms like that are just making your biceps bulge and that poor t-shirt of yours looks like it’s about to tear.” You piped in from behind Tony, which queued Peter to loosen his arms, blush rising up his face.

“You have the right to remain silent.” Tony said firmly, glaring at you to stop talking. You shrugged as if to say ‘can’t help it.’

“I mean she can’t really help it right? You didn’t say anything embarrassing…..right? ” Peter said in a small voice.

“I'm pretty sure the Miranda warning was meant for me to shut up but I’m sorry I’m currently incapable of reassuring you,” you said, eyes slightly wide, "I told them that you read and write fanfiction on tumblr and I secretly follow your blog and your writing is so damn good! I never really told you this because I know you would die if I told you that I read your smut fictions till 2 am cause they’re so well written… SOMEONE GAG ME!”

***

By the time Stephen showed up to help Tony and Bruce, Peter’s face was so red that he looked like he was going to explode.

“….and then I said that fuck off bitch that’s ma bro you’re messing with, and promptly punched him in his little gremlin face and then realised that I had called my elementry to highschool crush ma bro…” you rambled, amusement clear on Steve’s face, who was intently listening to you talk about that time you had punched Flash for messing with Peter.

The tower was a mess due to the revealed secrets, Tony and Banner were trying to find a cure with Stephen , Wanda was recording you and Natasha was just…..casually sharpening her knife.

“Hey Y/N, drink this please?” Tony said, cutting you off from your rant about god knows what. He thrusted a vial with a weird goopy substance in it, instantly making you gag.

“What is that? I’m not taking some shit from a mad scientist who gave his fortune 500 company to his girlfriend because he was too emotionally unstable to handle it himself! I mean good call, cause Pepper is badass and all but-”

“-I’m going to ignore the jab at me but it’s a hopeful cure, so you’re going to drink that goop, and hopefully we all will get some silence.”

Huffing petulantly, you took the small vial of glass from him and chugged the thing with a small grimace.

Everybody was silent for a moment, including you. You could hear everyone holding their breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But that never happened cause you wore the shoe like a pro.

Giving a huff, you laughed out loud. Again you looked Peter in his eyes and said in a serious tone, “Peter, I’m never fucking you again.”

Peter’s face fell at what you said, tears almost appearing in his doe eyes. Wanda and Nat gave you a shooketh look while Bucky and Sam were just laughing their asses off somewhere in the background. Strange looked so done that he portaled back to his Sanctum and poor Bruce just made his merry way to the lab.

“Hey look I lied!! This worked!” you whooped, Tony and Steve shaking their heads as you ran, but not before giving Peter a subtle wink.

Welp. Someone’s gonna get laid tonight.

#peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker x avenger!reader #peter x reader #avenger!reader #tony stark #spiderman x stark!reader #spiderman x you #peter parker smut #peter parker fluff #peter parker angst #peter parker x reader angst #spideygirl writes

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whatisthiswritingthing · 3 years

Text

Announcement - Alex Morgan X Reader

Prompt: Can you do a Alex Morgan imagine where her and R just announce their relationship (which have been going on for let’s say for almost a year and R is younger then Alex as well). And some fans don’t like that they are together and are mad about it. So R ends up going into a little of a dark hole (like being a hemit, not going out anywhere, not answering Alex phones calls, and also ignoring her as well, showing up for practice late, not playing good, ignoring everyone on the team including her Bestfriend’s/ Team moms Ash and Ali just not being R normally bubbly slef,) until someone on the team (Ali) shows Alex what the fans have been doing and Alex plans a day full of surprise for R to show her how much she love R?

“Dinner tonight? My place?” Alex asked Y/N as they walked out of the practice facility.

“Umm, I don’t know, I’m pretty tired Al. I think I’m just going to head home and go to bed early,” Y/N wouldn’t look at Alex. She awkwardly adjusted her backpack straps, her shoulders hunched over, watching the ground as she walked.

Alex grabbed her girlfriends’ elbow, tugging her to a stop. She glanced around the parking lot to see if anyone else was close to them. As Y/N turned around, keeping head down, nervously tugging the straps on backpack more. Alex reached out and tried to hold Y/N’s hand, Y/N pulled her hand away, stepping backwards.

“Y/N…”Alex trained off, eyebrows creased. Heart breaking when her girlfriend physically pulled away from her. She had been pulling away for the past week. Y/N was never interested in spending time together, hardly replied to texts, never answered her calls, avoiding her at practice, now Alex couldn’t even touch her. “Is everything alright?”

“Uhh yea, of course, just tired,” Y/N nodded, still refusing to look up, shuffling her feet.

“It’s just, things seem weird between us.”

“Oh no, all good,” Y/N stiffly closed the distance between them, hesitating before placing an awkward kiss to Alex’s cheek before walking away. “I’ll call you later.”

Alex sighed and watched her girlfriend walk away, before slowing making her way to her car.

Y/N didn’t call Alex that night. Alex spent the night trying to find things keep herself busy, trying not to wait for her phone to ring. Finally, Alex caved as she got ready for bed, pulling up her text conversation with Y/N, hoping maybe she just missed a text from Y/N. Disappointed she hadn’t, she called her girlfriend.

Alex nervously paced back and forth next to her bed while she waited for Y/N to pick up the call. When it didn’t, she let out a groan, tossing her phone on her bed. She had no idea what happened between her and her girlfriend. They had been together for over a year, both teams had been incredibly supportive. Of course, some fans had started to speculate, but they always did. Everyone on the team had “dated” several other people also on the team, every look and touch was looked into and over looked in to. Alex and Y/N finally just stopped hiding it, confirming their relationship with a simple photo of them on Instagram, Y/N kissing Alex’s cheek, both smiling.

Alex didn’t think anything else about it, happy she no longer felt like she needed hide any aspect of her life. Y/N made her happy, Alex saw a future with the younger woman. She was proud Y/N was her girlfriend, she wanted everyone to know, wanted to show her off. After they posted the picture Alex had posted several other pictures of them, struggling to limit herself; she had so many good ones of them.

She finished getting ready for bed, calling Y/N one more time before going to sleep. Y/N didn’t answer again, this time sending Alex to voicemail. Alex pulled the phone away and glanced at the screen, sighing she put her phone on the end table and settled into bed, staring at the ceiling.

Y/N sighed when she saw her phone ringing again, she wanted to answer, she did. She wanted to talk to Alex, wanted to spend the night held in Alex’s arms, really wanted to explain to Alex why she had pulled away this week. Y/N loved Alex, she knew Alex was happy with her, that she made Alex happy in return. Y/N couldn’t agree fast enough when Alex said she wanted to stop hiding their relationship and announce it.

And then they did; they announced it. And then the comments came in. Lots of comments came in and they didn’t stop. Some were supportive, some said how happy they looked as a couple, how well suited they were for each other, some were proud of them, thanked them for the courage to come out themselves.

There unfortunately weren’t many of those, or at least not enough of them to make up for plethora of negative, offensive comments. So many people commented that their age difference was too significant. That Y/N was using Alex to advance her soccer career, to get more exposure. Fans said Alex could do much better, that Y/N was not good enough for Alex.

The fans were ruthless. Picking apart previous pictures, speculating other relationships. Tearing apart all of Y/N’s physical attributes. They didn’t hold back at all, they were ruthless.

It was everything she already thought, having other people seeing it, confirming it, was hitting her hard. Y/N had tried to avoid reading the comments, tried to avoid all social media. When that didn’t work, she turned her phone off entirely. But then she just sat and thought, which was worse than reading her phone.

So, she tried to keep herself busy. Her apartment was spotless. She went for a long run every night. She snuck back in their training facility to train. Everything she could do to distract herself; to exhaust herself so she could actually sleep at night.

“Did you get a good night sleep?” Alex sat on the chair next to Y/N the next morning before training.

“Oh, umm, yea, Y/N’s hands paused before continuing to tie her cleats, giving Alex a brief glance and a small smile.

“You look tired,” Alex commented, resting a hand on Y/N’s thigh.

“Thanks Alex, you really know how to make a girl feel special,” Y/N gave a sarcastic laugh, standing up and walking away before Alex could even say anything else.

Alex sighed and leaned her head against the wall, closing her eyes.

“You read the comments to then?” Ashlyn asked softly.

Alex’s eyes shot open, head turning quickly to the keepers.

“Comments?”

“Yea…” Ashlyn’s brow furrowed. “If it’s not the comments, what’s going on?”

Alex stared at Ashlyn for a second, expression blank, before she released another sigh and leaned against the wall. “Y/N’s avoiding me. What comments?”

Ashlyn didn’t say anything, just pulled her phone out, pulling up the photo Alex and Y/N posted a week earlier declaring their relationship. Alex gave Ashlyn a skeptical look before tentatively reaching for the phone.

Alex slowly scrolled through all the comments, mouth falling open the more she read, letting out a small gasp at the especially vicious comments. Having read enough, Alex hastily handed the phone back to Ashlyn.

“How could they say that about her? Us?” Alex had paled now; how had she missed this? “Is this why Y/N is avoiding me? You don’t think she believes any of this?” She shook her head, tears now threatening to fall.

“I don’t know, she won’t talk to me or Ali either. And she’s all over the place in practice, missed tackles, bad touches, you name it.” That Alex had started to notice. “Ali went out to warm up with her, she’s hoping to get her to talk.”

Alex quickly stood up, rushing out of the change room to find her girlfriend. As soon she got to the field, she saw Y/N already kicking balls at the empty net, no real intention other than aggression behind the kicks. The forward began to jog over to her girlfriend before she was intercepted by Ali.

“Fix this,” Ali said firmly, holding Alex’s arm to prevent her from moving forward.

“I’m trying to, Ashlyn showed me some of the comments. I had no idea,” Alex hung her head, guilt obvious in her expression.

“She won’t talk to me or Ash, but you need to remind her they aren’t true and how much you love her, how wrong every single negative comment is.”

Alex nodded along, eyes now watching her girlfriend across the field. She was already soaked in sweat, face scrunched as she focused, her jaw clenched tight, and the tension clear though out her body. Seeing her like this and now knowing about the comments, she suddenly felt lightheaded. This was the woman she supposedly cared, supposedly loved, and she had missed how much she was clearly hurting, struggling.

Before Alex could get to her girlfriend, the rest of players made their way on the field, Marc starting practice soon after. As Marc gave his pre practice meeting, Alex stood as close to Y/N as she could, the lengths on their bodies touching. Alex could see Y/N glance towards her out of the corner of her eye, jaw clenching before she shuffled away. Alex sighed and shuffled with her, remaining as close as possible, this time loosely gripping the hem of Y/N’s jersey.

Y/N turned her head slightly to see Alex’s hand on her jersey but didn’t move away this time. Alex shuffled the smallest amount closer, angling her body so her front was pressed against Y/N’s side. She tugged on the jersey as she leaned up on her toes to reach Y/N’s ear, “I love you gorgeous.”

Alex heard the sharp intake of breath and the catch before she could release it, she felt the slight tremble suddenly taking over. The forward remained as close as she could, this hadn’t been the reaction she expected. She hadn’t expected any reaction really.

Y/N let out a grateful sigh and pulled away from Alex as soon as Marc dismissed them to start their warmup. She then proceeded to do everything she could to avoid Alex the entire practice.

By the time Marc called practice to an end Y/N was exhausted. She dragged her feet to the locker room, shoulder slumped forward, completely in her head and unaware of anything around her.

Alex took advantage of this, sliding her arm along Y/N’s waist, pulling herself into Y/N’s chest. Y/N stumbled slightly; Alex tightened her grip to keep her up. She felt her girlfriend go rigid. “Hey love of my life,” she leaned up placing a gentle kiss on the underside of Y/N’s jaw. “I’ve decided I am coming over right now; we are going to have a hot bath together and cuddle on the couch. We have tomorrow off, we can order in and not leave the couch the whole night.”

Now Y/N began to pull away, “I’m exhausted Alex, I just want to shower and have a nap on the couch.”

“I know you are, beautiful,” Alex’s arms remained firm around Y/N’s waist. “you look ready to fall asleep standing up, so let me help.” She wanted to add, maybe you’ll tell me what’s wrong, but didn’t want to push her luck. “We can cuddle, I know you always sleep better with me.”

Alex waited for some of the tension to leave her body, then saw the small nod as she looked up with hopeful eyes. “Perfect, I’ll come over now.” She kept herself attached to Y/N as they continued into the change room.

The couple silently through the parking lot to their vehicles after gathering their things.

“Umm I guess I’ll see you at my place then?” Y/N awkwardly stopped at her car door.

“You bet,” Alex smiled, trying to draw some kind of smile from her girlfriend, “I’ll order food when I get there while you shower.” Alex stretched up and kissed Y/N the cheek before turning and going to her own car.

Y/N didn’t even wait for Alex when they got to her apartment. Alex let out a breath as she watched Y/N rush out of her car and go inside without looking her way.

By the time Alex made it into the condo, Y/N was already in the shower. She ordered supper for the two of them before getting everything ready for them to spend the rest of the night on the couch, pulling out a couple fluffy blankets, lighting a couple candles. Waiting for Y/N, she nervously paced the condo, trying to figure out how to talk to her.

Y/N shuffled out of the bedroom a few minutes later, finally giving Alex a small smile when she saw the small set up in the living room.

“Hey supper should be here any minute, why don’t you get settled and I’ll bring it over,” Alex gave Y/N a small smile. Y/N nodded and tentatively moved to the couch, sitting on the far end and pulled her knees to her chest, resting her chin on top. Alex watched, hating how uncomfortable Y/N looked in her own home now.

Alex brought the food over to the living room after it was delivered. Y/N didn’t even move while Alex pulled food cartons out. The silence tense and awkward. She shifted closer to Y/N on the couch, resting a hand on her thigh, “I got Italian, chicken parm for you, fettuccini for me,” Alex handed the container.

“Thanks,” Y/N rasped out. Alex kept herself close while they ate in uncomfortable silence, some random movie playing in the background.

Y/N placed her empty container on the coffee table, pulling her knees to her chest. Alex put her container down too, leaning into Y/N’s side, gentling pulling one arm off her knees to wrap around herself. Alex could feel the tension through Y/N’s body.

“What’s going on Y/N?” Alex whispered, rubbing a hand gently on her thigh. “Don’t tell me nothing, Ash showed me the comments.”

“Oh,” Y/N’s body deflated, she chewed on her bottom lip.

Alex reached up and rubbed her thumb along Y/N’s creased eyebrow, easing some of the tension, “none of it is true Y/N. I love you.”

“But,” Y/N started, releasing out a breath, “so many people are saying the same things Al, that must means it’s true, that they all see it too.”

“They’re just jealous,” Alex pushed herself up, so she was face to face with Y/N.

“I’m serious Alex,” Y/N grunted out, frustrated.

“So am I, Y/N. They are all projecting their feelings. You are living a life they want, living your dream, successful, happily in love. It’s what everyone wants, you have it and they don’t. So, they are tearing you down to make themselves feel better. Those things are all people hiding behind keyboards and screens, but I bet none of them have near the skill or drive or intelligence or passion you do,” Alex drew herself even closer, wrapping both hands around Y/N’s face and forcing her to make eye contact.

“So? You’re still so out of my league Alex, everyone else sees it. Maybe I am only getting called up because I’m dating you, because Vlatko thinks you won’t come or something,” Y/N tried to turn her face out of Alex’s grasp, fidgeting in her seat. Her anxiety spiking the more she spoke, the more she talked about her insecurities. She could feel tears beginning the build up behind her eyes, the urge to move becoming overwhelming.

Feeling her girlfriend beginning to shake, Alex shifted her hand down and began methodically squeezing the muscles, compressing them as she worked down her arms, all the way down to her fingers, tugging each one individually before moving back up.

“What do you need? To move or more compression?” Alex asked, sensing the building anxiety attack in her girlfriend. She knew Y/N needed to move around, that it help her think, process, that too much sitting made her anxious. She also knew that sometimes she needed the compression, needed her muscles to be squeezed tight. And that sometimes she needed both. But most importantly, she knew that Y/N needed to be given the option and the space to choose.

Y/N scrambled to get up, “move,” she mumbled beginning to pace, “both maybe,” she squeezed her fists, rapping her knuckles against her thigh.

Alex slowly got up and hesitantly approached her girlfriend, waiting to see what Y/N needed. When Y/N remained where she was, Alex closed the distance entirely, wrapping her in a tight hug. Alex just held firm, slowly beginning to sway them on the spot. They stayed that way for several minutes before Y/N finally began to relax in her arms, it happened slow than suddenly Alex felt like she was holding all of Y/N’s weight.

“Let’s go to bed beautiful,” Alex murmured softly into her ear, feeling her girlfriends breathing already slowing as she began to fall asleep, the small anxiety attack taking her last bit of energy.

Y/N nodded her head, hands tightening on the hem of Alex’s shirt, fingers scrapping the skin along with it. Alex gave her another second before pushing them apart and leading Y/N to the bedroom by one hand.

Alex began pulling sleep clothes for them both from Y/N’s dresser, when she felt a finger tap her forearm. She turned her head to see Y/N nervously chewing on her bottom lip, eyes focused on her finger resting on Alex’s arm, “can we, I like the skin contact,” her jaw flex as she clenched her teeth. “No shirts?”

“Of course,” Alex soothed, turning into Y/N’s touch, pulling her shirt off before reaching and assisting Y/N in removing hers. They both removed their pants and crawled into bed. Y/N blindly shot a hand out, gripping Alex’s hip to pull her to lay on top.

Alex understood Y/N’s intention, that she needed the weight, the heat of another body, the comfort of her familiar scent, the soft breath against her chest, and the gentle caress of her fingers along her hip bones. Y/N was asleep almost instantly, the past week of over training and under sleeping catching up to her. The comfort of having Alex with her settling her mind for the time being.

Y/N woke the next morning by Alex spreading kisses along her bare shoulders, her thumbs gently massaging her thumbs into her hips bones, slowly encouraging her to wake up.

Y/N sighed as she slowly awoke, burrowing her head under the pillow.

“Wake up Y/N/N,” Alex shifted the pillow out of the way, whispering in her ear.

“No,” Y/N grumbled, blinding reaching to pull Alex’s hand back to massage her hips, “more massage.”

Alex chuckled and began to work the muscles of Y/N’s lower back. She glided her hands up, working her shoulder blades, “how about a massage tonight? For now, Ash and Ali are going to meet us at the beach so you two fishies can surf.”

“I like surfing,” Y/N’s head popped up, her voice still thick and gravely with sleep.

“There she is,” Alex pressed Y/N’s shoulders, guiding her to lay on her back, leaning down to gently kiss her, “so that’s a yes to surfing?”

“Always yes to surfing,” Y/N sat up, hands on Alex’s hips, her mood already improving after spending the night with her girlfriend.

Alex rolled herself off, “then get up, time to go.”

Y/N got ready to go and was ready to leave the house in record time. She stood by the apartment door with her surfboard in hand, swim bag on her shoulders, she excitedly bounced on the spot.

Alex laughed when she walked to the door, “you look like a little kid ready for the first day of school.”

Y/N grinned back, a full smile spreading across her cheeks, eyes crinkling as it finally reached her eyes for the first time in days.

The couple spent the morning at the beach with Ali and Ashlyn; Y/N and Ashlyn spending majority of the time in the water. Once the two women were able to fish their partners from the water, Ali and Ashlyn left the couple to allow them to have the day together.

Alex guided Y/N along the boardwalk, leading her to small beach front café where they sat watching the water, having a peaceful brunch.

After brunch the couple returned home, “how about that massage now, then we take a nap for the afternoon?” Alex guided Y/N back to her bedroom, pulling her shirt off before getting a response.

Y/N nodded and let herself be pulled along, lifting her arms to let Alex undress her.

The striker pushed Y/N’s shorts past her hips, pushing her to sit on the bed before pulling her own off, leaving them both nude. Alex straddled Y/N’s hips, bringing their lips together she kissed her long and slow, tongue teasingly tapping her lips before pulling away entirely, “turn over,” she whispered, lips brushing but not quite touching.

Y/N did as she was told, Alex raising herself slightly to allow the movement, hands quickly finding the bare skin of her back.

Alex worked the strong muscles for several minutes, the silence only broken by Y/N’s sighs and soft moans, the occasional whimper when a sensitive spot was found. When Alex pressed on the spots that earned a whimper, she would lean down and gently press her lips to it, kissing it better. She gently guided Y/N’s arms above her head, working into the curve of her lats, gliding a thumb along each indented rib. Guiding her hands up the younger woman’s arms, she brought her body until her bare chest was pressed into Y/N’s back, interlacing their fingers at the top.

Alex turned her head so her cheek rested between Y/N’s shoulder blades, chin angled up so Y/N could hear her whispers, “how do you feel?” her lips brushed the skin.

Y/N gave a content moan, lips ticking up into a small grin.

“Good,” Alex whispered back, she released one hand to wrestle the blankets out from under them to cover them for a nap, “I know today won’t fix how you are feeling, but I hope you know how much I love you, and I will do everything I can do show you how much love you deserve. Promise me you’ll come talk to me instead of shutting me out next time? Even its just to tell me you need space; I’ll understand and respect whatever you need.”

Y/N slowly nodded, “I love you Alex.”

“I love you too,” Alex whispered back, “now go to sleep for now.” She tightened her hold, pulling Y/N closer to her chest.

#uswnt x reader #uswnt imagines #uswnt imagine #alex morgan x reader #alex morgan imagine

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amethyst-dreams-and-candy-canes · 3 years

Text

Pain

AN: My humble submission for @cockslut-padalecki A Decade Under the Influence writing challenge. Here’s to another decade enjoying our hobbies 💜🖤. My song was Pain by Three Days Grace. I interpreted the song as a toxic relationship and honestly the first person who came to mind was Ranson Drysdale 🤷🏿‍♀️. The lyrics will be italicized.

Warnings: toxic relationship, domestic abuse (emotional and physical w/ injuries), infidelity, non-con/dub-con (tagging both just in case), destruction of property, somnophilia, I’m not joking yall, heed the warnings this is TOXIC

Word Count: 1,569

I do not own the rights to the song nor the lyrics of the song

Pain without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Sitting on the side of the bed, you survey the damage. A hole in the wall. Shattered lamp near the nightstand. A bloody hand print on the pillow to your right. It draws your attention as you try to figure out whose blood it is. Doesn't matter, you're both bleeding. A cough to your left in the corner of the room makes you wince; he'll never admit it but this fight took a lot out of him. His breathing is labored and you wonder if you may have broken a rib. Good.

You sigh as you rack your memory to figure out how you got here. They say no relationship is perfect but yours was pretty close. In the beginning, Ransom Drysdale was a perfect gentleman; always held the door open for you, brought you flowers and even watched that TV show with you that you knew he didn’t particularly care for. The first year was a dream. But then things started to go downhill. Fights with his family would result to him coming to your apartment and taking his frustrations out on you. You allowed it then; thinking you’d be a good outlet for him. But soon his ranting and raving turned into him degrading you. When his grandfather passed, the flood gates opened and your head was on a spindle, waiting for his next mood swing. Still you stayed even if you knew it was no longer a healthy relationship. Naively you continued to stand by his side telling yourself that at least he was physical with you and that had to mean he cared for you even if he could’t expression himself in a loving manner.

Then came the cheating. Openly flaunting his conquests in your mutual circles. At first you didn't want to believe it. You trusted him and he reciprocated your trust or so you assumed. But the pitied stares and crude whispers at your expense began to chip away at you. You'd confront him and at first, he denied it. You were the only one for him he had proclaimed and like a love sick puppy, you were his again. But when videos and photos were sent to your phone, hard evidence of his betrayal, he didn't even bother to come up with a good lie. He knew you loved him and used that to his advantage. But there was only so much you could take. So much you would take.

This life is filled with hurt

When happiness doesn't work

Trust me, and take my hand

When the lights go out, you'll understand

Another cough and a groan. He was attempting to stand up. Curses left his lips as he stands on wobbly legs, no doubt as dizzy as you are. You stare straight ahead, hoping that he wouldn’t want to continue the fight and leave you alone. He mutters to himself before he spits, blood and saliva landing on the tile next to your foot. You see his foot for a split second before he moves away from you and to the bathroom door.

“Fucking bitch.” he quite literally spits. You want to retort, a scathing insult on your tongue but the throbbing in your head is too distracting to care. The door slams and you close your eyes, the exhaustion settling in your bones. And soul.

"So, what? It's over? Give me a break." He laughed incredulously at you. The smirk that you had once found so handsome now was the bane of your existence. "Like you can find someone better, sweetheart."

"I can and I will!" You rant, pacing back and forth. He's perched on your counter-top, legs swing as he regards you with a humorous expression that only pisses you off more.

"Yeah sure. Good luck with that."

You're sick of feeling numb

You're not the only one

I'll take you by the hand

And I'll show you a world that you can understand

The running water brings you back to the present and your heart breaks at the memory. He was right. No matter how many dates you went on, how many you invited into your bed. No one could compare. As much as you hated him, you loved him. Love him.

You weren't expecting to see him sitting on your bed after your date. It was lackluster at best and you honestly just wanted to lay down and forget the whole ordeal. You sat your purse on the dresser and crossed your arms waiting for his tirade but when the silence stretched longer than you were comfortable with, you moved to go to the bathroom. He was on you in seconds, left hand secured firmly around your throat. "Really? You replaced me with that tool?"

Anger and agony are better than misery

Trust me, I've got a plan

When the lights go up, you'll understand

You couldn't ignore the thrill that went through you at his anger. Serves him right. Too many nights you sat up and cried over his infidelity, his cruelty. About time he felt even an iota of the pain he put you through. Your eyes meet his as you stared him down. You knew he wanted an answer and your defiance would be the response.

"You're such a cunt, you know that? Pathetic. I fucking hate you." You strike him before you know it. The slap resounded around the room. His hand leaves your throat as he grabs his face, eyes wide in shock. You didn't mean to hit him but your body moved faster than your brain, his audacity triggering your fight or flight. He lunged at you quicker than you thought he could and gave you a hard smack in return. His hand found your throat again and he shoved you against the wall, the back of your head smacking it loudly.

"So you wanna be tough now, huh? Finally fight back?" He snarled too close to your face. You tried to shove him off but he was stronger and leaned his body in towards you. Your vision began to wane, either from the lack of oxygen or the hit against the wall you weren't sure. He was speaking, that much you were certain of but his words were lost in your determination to breathe. Grabbing at his wrist, you dropped your body weight and pulled him down with you. You both hit the floor and as soon as he released you, you crawled away from him and hit the nightstand causing the lamp to rock on the floor. He was on his feet quicker than you had expected and you grabbed the lamp and swung, the metal connecting to his side.

"I hate you too, asshole."

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know

That you're wounded

(You know, you know, you know, you know)

That I'm here to save you

(You know, you know, you know, you know)

I'm always here for you

(I know, I know, I know, I know)

That you'll thank me later

Hot air suffocated you and a heaviness settled over you so forcefully that you found it hard to draw a breath. The throbbing in your head had dulled but was present and you groaned. You tried to move away from the weight but you were pinned, unable to wiggle away. Consciousness ebbed and flowed but a sharp jolt on your lower body forced you towards awareness. A soft moan above you made you frown as another sharp thrust to your groin made you open your eyes. It was dark but you could see Ransom, lips parted and face contorted in pain or pleasure, you weren't sure. His face hovered close to yours and for a moment, a wave of panic washed over you at the thought he might kill you. Another thrust made you gasp and your fuzzy brain fought to catch up.

"Don't fight it." He whispered almost uncharacteristically gentle as his hips rolled into yours. Gritting your teeth, you attempt to move away from him but he has your arms pinned to your sides. His lips find yours and the stunning pain of the cut makes you whimper. Another thrust and your legs part on their own accord and you writhe under him, the feeling of him inside of you a cruel comfort. He takes it as your submission and speeds up as he trails kisses from your jaw to your neck where he buries his face. Your head swims as you once again try to figure out just how you got here. He moans your name and bites into your neck, the small spark triggering your orgasm unexpectedly. His pace falters at the feel of you clenching around him and it isn’t long before he comes with a broken hiss of your name.

“I love you.” his soft admission barely heard over his labored breathing. Tears sting your eyes as he nuzzles against you and wraps his arms across your torso. You don’t know who you hate more, him or yourself. As the tears fall into your hairline and his breathing evens out, you realize that the answer is yourself because you know the truth and can do nothing about it.

“I love you too.”

Rather feel pain than nothing at all

Rather feel pain...

I’m not tagging a lot of people because I don’t want to offend: @avintagekiss24 @sapphirescrolls @cockslut-padalecki

#decadeundertheinfluencechallenge #non-con #dub-con #ransom x reader #somnophilia

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