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#my brain is a mess and i'm sure i'm not making any sense but for the people who do understand me
onismdaydream · 2 days
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HIIII!!!!! it's me again, the most obsessed and horniest yuji lover!♡🎀
Didn't have anything to do today so I have been on tumbler looking for any yuji content I can get my hands on :p! And I am just OBSESSED with headcanons, specifically yuji as your boyfriend! AHH!!!
Like, how would he first tell you he likes you? How long would it take? Ugh, now me personally, I can only imagine having a movie night alone, megumi and nobara canceled ofc because they don't want to watch whatever bs movie yuji picks :(. And then so there you are, Both cuddled up on the couch, a little to close together, and he is just.. so flustered! But why? It's not like he likes you or anything! Well, turns out he does and he JUST realized. So when the two protagonists in the romantic comedy yall are watching suddenly confess, he can't hold it back! It just blurts out of his mouth..which would be a bad thing, until you reveal you like him back!♡
Idk, I just find it soo cute, and honestly totally something he would do. 🤷‍♀️. But then like, first date? Would he take you to eat, the movies, or maybe to the mall?
Now this one, I'm not too sure, to many options and I love them all, but he would DEFINITELY make it romantic and cute ><!
Okay, but now like one of the MILLION dollar questions is.... how would he act on your period!
I'm sorry, but every single small headcanon, or fic of how ANYBODY would treat you while ur on your period is straight up Crack to me. I NEED IT. I love the wholesome headcanons. 😔🎀!
I think.. he would notice that your acting different, he cares about you after all so he notices every little thing. So when he sees you look uncomfy or maybe rubbing you hand on your thigh, trying to relieve some pain.. he asks you what's wrong! And when you tell him, I feel like he would IMMEDIATELY do whatever you want to make you feel better. LITERALLY.
"Oh. Really? Is there anything I can do?"
Chocolate? In ur hands the second you ask. Meds for the pain, he's got them? Blanket? YES! cuddles? Okay, is that even a question? OBVI!!!
Second million dollar question is how/what he would do yalls first time. Last headcanon i said was crack, but this one is like all drugs COMBINED. I like to think it would be a makeout session gone to far..
That movie you played has a sex scene, which, really doesn't bother you or him.. or it usually doesn't. Today though, a small thought forms in his brain. How would you look? Sound? Smell? Taste? Feel..? And then it's akward, because you're so close, and his hand just starts massaging your thigh, and he has to kiss you! Which at this point in the relationship isn't like super surprising, I'm sure yuji loves to kiss you. But this one feels different, yujis face is just soo pink, and he almost can't keep his hands off of you! Cupping one cheek while pushing you down on the couch with the other, so he's on top.. then one of his knees pushes your thighs apart.. 🧎‍♀️
You know the rest.
But I also like to think maybe yall are making out, you on top of his lap, but you can't stop squirming! And it really isn't on purpose, you swear.. but yuji can only take so much, And eventually he can't hide his moans anymore!
Yeah idk I feel like humping n shit, maybe cummin in his pants is SO hot. UGH
I don't think it would really be planned..😋🎀
Also, I feel like he would be super flustered and kinda embarrassed with oral. In the sense that, he could spend hours between your thighs (we all know he's a munch), but the first time you ask to suck him off, he probably turns into a whiny mess.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO THIS. Like- I'm sorry, but no matter how dominant or kinky people make yuji, which I won't lie I love, you CANNOT tell me this man doesn't whine or moan your name. You simply can't. LOOK AT HIM.!!! 🧎‍♀️🙏
I just, have so many thoughts and headcanons.. l can't control myself yuji headcanons are literally my drug. I love the subby ones, the Dom ones, fluff ones, smut ones... I DONT CARE. If a yuji headcanon exists, I WILL read it.
Omg, I have so much more but I have already made this soo long. I honestly just wanted to ask if you would ever make your own yuji head canons? Maybe you already have and I can't find it.. BUT LET ME KNOW!
I just HAVE to know what headcanons are floating around in that wonderful brain of yours!♡
Also so glad to see you liked my past rant♡♡!!!
I really hope you have a good day/night!!!! Make sure ur taking care of urself babes bc I can't survive without you><! 🎀
(Also sorry for any typos or whatever, this was 100% rushed because my fingers physically cannot keep up with all the thoughts I have of yuji.)
With a heart full of love, and a brain full of yuji,
-your horniest yuji lover!♡🎀
hi lovely <333
gonna put this under a read more so it doesn't take up too much space!
oooh headcanons are fun!! i don't post a ton, not for any particular reason, i just seem to gravitate towards snippets in established relationships.
omg yuji just blurting it out :(( what a sweetheart! he is mortified but i feel like he would try his best to play it cool, though his face feels like it's on fire from how flushed it is!! but then you tell him that you also like him and he visibly relaxes SO much and has the biggest smile on his face and he immediately wants to hug you and hold you close <3
i think for first dates, he would lean towards movies/mall, this way it's still semi-public. it's not that he doesn't want to spend time with you alone (he wants to soooo badly), but i think he thinks he has to take it slow and be sweet and gentlemanly. like he was definitely taught the "proper way" to court a girl by his grandfather, so he holds doors open for you and pulls out your chair and brings you flowers and stuff and its just so sweet of him idk. he might hesitate a bit for pda stuff, but once you give him the okay, he is constantly holding your hand or wrapping an arm around you!! maybe even asking for a kiss!! (side note: i think yuji gets all pouty when you forget to give him a goodbye kiss later in the relationship)
yes!! yuji would ABSOLUTELY be doing anything and everything for you as soon as he notices any symptoms or side effects. he's also the type to track your period on his phone lol just so he can prepare and give you some chocolate or whatever else might help! he is just like. the nicest and most caring boyfriend ever <3333
OOOH i love love love both of those for first time ughhh!! i have a fic i've been meaning to work on more but i'm just a little too fried to write much of anything, anyway its a dry humping fic with yuji because i just know he loves the feeling of it ! he can't even get embarrassed from cumming in his pants because it feels so good and he likes how dirty it is (he's a bit of a perv :3). BUT i also love the idea that he just can't help himself and he's so wrapped up in the moment that he doesn't even notice that his knee is pressing against your core... like he's licking into your mouth and grinding against you and you have to pull away because holy shit this feels great and you want more!! and it's kinda rushed and messy, barely taking clothes off but you both need each other so bad!!! (he makes up for it by taking his time with you for round 2 lol)
oh what i would GIVE to suck his dick... yuji is 100% super vocal in my opinion, like he cannot be quiet, which is why his mouth is always on you when he's fucking you! he's always kissing or biting or talking, so when you're sucking him off, he is left to just talk and make so much noise. whining and praising you because it feels so good to have your mouth wrapped around him <3 like imagine sitting between his strong thighs, looking up at him, and his eyes are half lidded, mouth open as he breaths heavily, tongue darting out to lick at his lips, muscles flexing as he tries not to force your head further down or buck his hips up.... ugh he's so hot...
i'd love to write more headcanons and other things for yuji!! its just a matter of me getting inspired or having the energy right now. work has been super draining for me so its been a little difficult to get my brain working lol but im hoping it'll pass in a few weeks
thank you for sharing these with me!!! i love hearing other people's thoughts and headcanons like its just so fun to see what's similar and whatnot :3
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kazutora-lover · 1 year
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There's this stupid thought in my brain and I thought you'd like to know which wave of stupidity I'm surfing on today :)
So like, what if hypothetically, every character that ever got (and gets) created ACTUALLY gets to live in a parallel universe? Like, everything we bring to life on this planet (fictional), gets to actually come to life in another dimension?
There'd be:
mf's who want to devour each other
people who have to avoid Shibuya like it's the plaque because of a certain 20 fingered weirdo
heroe's who want to be pro-heroe's and their explosive one-of-a-kind
volleyball players who dance for meat
lots and lots of shadow clones and the emo friend
a bald dude who could destroy everything with one snap of his finger
a crybaby who goes back in time for his girly and friends
a walking chainsaw and his abnormal friends who are or become weapons
& whatever Junji Itō created 😭
And now imagine, you'd get to live on the same planet as them and instead of different nationalities and countries, there'd be different 'universes' as continents.
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whimsiigothic · 2 months
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so uhh wip. (spicy ig?)
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i can explain (i can't but i'm very proud of how it is turning out)
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mrfoox · 1 year
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i wish i trusted my own feelings more but here i am?
#me: i feel this way (: someone i like: um... are you sure? i think you feel more that way#me: oh shit... maybe i do? binch i gotta think this one through now..........#i dont think my answer will change but its uh... worth another look#oliver said a while ago he thinks i'm in love with fabian.. and immidetly i said very confidently apperantly that i dont#and now ive been thinking about it and im like....... ok but am i?#told oliver again and he was like 'what i thought you said you werent? you sounded very sure about it'#yeah i mean...... at one hand i am but also...... i think my brain can do a lot of shit to keep me away from things that will probably end#badly. and genuinly i do not think me and fabian would have any chanse even if somehow he would be into me too#i'd never feel good enough for him. so i may just have gone into the whole thought of#its never going to happen so you obviously just like him in a friendly way. the end. idk#as usual romantic feelings for me is a mess. i dont divide love in that way naturally. for me love is love. if i love you i love you#i'd do anything for you and anything you'd want with me i'd be down for unless we are very unlike character wise#i just can see myself liking almost#all my friends in a romantic way? i can imagine it from my pov but its theirs i cant#not something i actively think about tho its just.... something i have and i know?#maybe this actually isnt how i think but theres another explanation (like oliver said 'being afraid of others leaving so youre willing to do#anything they want to keep them aorund) but until i learn otherwise this is what i keep thinking.  i feel like a freak tho bc i dont think#anyone can really... understand it unless they feel soething similar ? or are super open or such. the friends ive told i think got a bit#scared. makes sense... but i cant make it sound better or more normal like yeah. everyone is safe from me romantically but also#almost everyone is welcome to hmu if they wanna try dating i guess. i speak big but i do have some exceptions#mainly bc of character meshing :'))#miranda talking shit
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mrsnancywheeler · 3 months
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call it what you want // finnick odair x f. reader
summary: finnick can't stop himself from an endless day of teasing leaving you frustrated with an itch only he can scratch
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warnings: pure filth, smut, porn without plot, endless teasing, oral (f and m receiving), frustration, finnick's kind of mean but also so sweet, degredation, use of the words whore and slut, grinding, desperate reader, just horny things everywhere, no use of y/n, unedited, I'm sorry, not tagging anyone bc it's just porn
2.7k words
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
Finnick Odair was the most insufferable, torturous man you knew. With his cocky tone, egotistical smirk, and the smug way he would endlessly tease you. It was like he planned to make you angry with desperation and he'd began the very morning when he'd walked into the bedroom after his early morning swim. Trailing sand and water all over the house which he knew would make you groan even if he always cleaned it up. You'd woken up with the sun and the sound of him walking into the bedroom, hardwood floors creaking. Even in your tired state you already knew that he was making a mess.
“Finnick, at least wipe off the sand with a towel when you get inside." Sleep still in your voice.
“But then I wouldn't get to listen to you complain every morning and where's the fun in that?" You wondered how his voice could already make you want to drown in it this early in the morning. Your eyes finally adjusted to see him, sun shining on the water droplets dripping down his chest, he looked like he was sculpted by the gods. Finnick stepped closer to the bed.
"Don't you dare, I don't feel like washing all the blankets today. I'll get up.” You cautioned, reluctantly moving the blankets off of you when he began crawling into the bed anyways, "Finnick!” You sighed, he was in one of his moods, the devilish kind.
“I'll wash them, honey, stop acting like you have to do anything. We both know all you have to do is be nearby, being a pretty girl for me." The way his words had you clenching around the air felt criminal, but you couldn't ponder on that for long when his lips were on yours. Filling your senses with the smell of the ocean, so comforting, so reminiscent of him. His mouth instantly took control and you followed eagerly, whining when he pulled away, pressing them to your neck.
"No marks, Finn.” You muttered out breathlessly as his hand wandered up to your breasts.
Yet you missed his warmth the moment he lifted his lips, “You sure, you don't want everyone to know you're my girl?" Everyone already knew that, but the way he said it was so convincing.
“No, I do." He rewarded you with his gorgeous, cocky smile.
“That's what I thought, sweet girl." His lips reattached to your neck, fingers pushing down the lacy top of your nightgown and you gasped when the cold air hit your nipples. Your brain was hazy again with the cold air and his hot lips attacking your neck. It was confusing when he pulled away and you hummed, puzzled by the sudden loss of content. “Gotta go take a shower, go get ready and I'll be quick, I'll make you breakfast." He pressed a fast, soft kiss to your lips and was gone in a split second. Leaving you leaning forward, disoriented and you weren't sure how long you sat there waiting to readjust from the bewilderment.
For a few hours he'd acted like nothing had happened, being his usual sweet, helpful self. He had you pick out a book to read to him as he cleaned up his mess of sand and water on the floor, cleaned the sheets and blankets, washed the dishes. All of his sweet acts had a way of making you forget what a menace he really was, it was hard to think negatively of a man who would brush your hair, make the bed, and do any other menial task for you. So initially you weren't too fazed when you'd gone to grab a cup and suddenly he was behind you to grab it for you.
“Thank you." You turned to face him and tried to ignore the heat taking over your body when his arms caged you to the counter, putting the glass down.
“Gotta take care of my sweet girl, don't I?" Finnick's lips were on yours again which would've been fine if he hadn't stepped closer, pushing you further into the counter. Hand holding the back of your head and another squeezing your ass which made you gasp into his mouth. You could feel him smiling at this before his tongue invaded your mouth. Then suddenly his hand was dropping lower, dangerously close to the hem of your dress. Instinctually you snapped your legs shut.
Finnick pulled away from your mouth just long enough to let out a “Tsk." As both of his hands fell to push your thighs apart.
“Finnick." Your eyebrows scrunched together, hips chasing forward. You couldn't stop yourself from moaning when his fingers grazed over your clothed core and then suddenly it was all gone. He'd pushed himself off the counter, away from you, had the cup in hand again and was filling it up with water. Jumbled thoughts trying to form a coherent protest.
“Drink up, honey, you're looking a little faint." He handed your somewhat shaky hand the water and touched your forehead in faux-concern, “You're burning up." You wondered how he could act like that when he had such a prominent bulge in his pants and decided you hated him for whatever game he was playing with you. Then without a word he was gone and you felt too wobbly to follow after him. Diligently drinking the cold water in hopes it would force your mind back into logical thoughts.
In his seemingly endless house you forced yourself into distracting tasks, cutting fresh flowers to arrange around the house, dusting your jewelry boxes, the small home library, anything to stop the idea you needed to find him and beg him for assistance. Occasionally you'd rub your thighs together, find yourself pushing your hips into the air and scold yourself for the lack of self-control. Frustrated with what he was doing to you without a care in the world. After you'd watered every plant, finished your book, and done every small thing you could think of you set it on yourself to search for him.
You didn't want to admit it to yourself, but the ache in your stomach needed him an unthinkable amount. Of course he was in the most obvious place, his little office, reading over something on his little loveseat. “Hi." You whispered when you tapped on the door.
He put down what he was holding instantly to look at you, nervous in his doorway, “Hi, pretty girl. What's wrong?" Finnick sounded so genuine, so sweet that you felt yourself falling apart like sugar in tea.
“Just missed you, Finn." Small, slow steps inside, looking around. You despised the way you were suddenly feeling so tiny, so helpless around him, but you loved the way you were able too.
“Spent all morning with you, honey." You almost felt guilty until you thought of the way he'd spent the morning torturing you.
“I know, m’sorry. Just so lonely.” You looked at the ground. Part of it was true, but also you wanted some part of him to pity you enough to stop you from tingling.
“Well I can't have you feeling like that, sweet girl, come here." You smiled when you rushed over to sit in his lap, legs wrapping around him. Of course he knew what you were doing and he prided himself for making you this nervous and desperate. Your face buried into his neck and he bucked forward so slightly you would've thought you missed it except it very much made your mouth fall open, fingernails digging into his arms. It felt like your inhibitions had left you when your body automatically responded by rubbing your clothed pussy on the rough materials of his pants. Surprisingly he let you, long enough that you were suppressing noises in his neck when he was picking you up with seemingly no effort. He glanced out the window, “I have to start dinner." He smiled and rose from the couch, leaving you, soaked, in his office.
You felt so teased that your brain couldn't form a rational train of thought. This was confirmed when you started crying in frustration, angry that he was doing this to you. You'd take anything, you were sure if he even touched you one more time it would get you off without him even being near the place that ached for him the most. The sun had gone down when you'd stopped your stream of tears, the sniffling, and mostly gotten over how embarrassed you were for rubbing yourself against him.
You toyed with your dress as you shamefully entered the kitchen, the lights overtaking you. “Was about to send a search party out for you, honey. Just finishing up though." He barely spared you a glance as he pulled two plates out of the cupboard.
You nodded, but said nothing as you sat at the table. Sticky thighs pressed together as you shifted in your seat uncomfortably. If Finnick noticed your odd silence he said nothing as he handed you your plate, "Thanks.” You were flooded with embarrassment for how shaky your voice was.
“Of course, always taking care of my girl." What a liar, you needed him more than you'd ever thought you had before and he'd done nothing but been endlessly cruel. A clock ticked in the silent room as you played with your fork. “Honey, you need to eat."
“I'm not hungry." You crossed your arms, seething with the way the sensation seemed to worsen just by looking at him. “Can't even think." You muttered, losing any semblance of respectability you thought you held as you buried your head in your hands.
"Why not?” He looked so mystified and you hated his act even more.
"You're being so mean to me, Finn.” You cried out, shaking your head, "It's not fair!”
"How am I being mean? I've been taking such good care of you, I always do.” You hummed a disagreement, shaking your head, looking up to pout. “So pathetic, honey, I take care of you, and you never use your words, then start throwing a fit at the dinner table." He clicked his tongue in disapproval, head shaking as he leaned back on his chair.
“No, I’ve been good! Haven't touched myself and you kept teasing.”
Finnick tilted his head like he was considering your words, a mocking pout reflecting yours. "You're right, good girls don't touch themselves. But good girls also don't start rubbing their pussy on me when I'm trying to check on them.”
You sob into your hands, "Please, Finnick, I really can't take anymore. It hurts and I've been trying so hard all day, I'm not trying to be bad, I promise.”
"Maybe you're not trying, but you're throwing a tantrum like a little brat. I would've given you what you wanted eventually, but you're so ungrateful.”
If he wanted a fit, you could throw a fit and part of you wanted to with how treacherous he was being. “I'm not ungrateful, you're just being so mean to me, ever since I woke up! You won't even let me suck you off." You crossed your arms again, hot with rage and need.
“Yes, I will. Come over here and help me out, thought you didn't even think about what you were doing to me." You hadn't really done anything, he'd started it, but you didn't argue when you instantly knelt down in front of him.
“I have, wanted your cock in my mouth all day, so badly, Finn." He groaned and you eagerly unzipped his pants.
"Then suck.” Finnick said exhaling and you kissed his tip, licking the pre-cum off of it. You kissed every inch of it you could, trying to hide the way your hips started to move. Just being able to do this was probably enough to help you unwind until he was tilting your face up. “Stop humping the air and be good for me." Before you could mumble out a sorry he'd let your lips right back to him. Instantly your wrapped them around him, part of you wanted to tease him just as he'd done to you all day. Starting slowly, cheeks hollowed as he moaned. He must have known you wanted revenge when his hands were in your hair. “God, I have to do everything." Roughly using your mouth, guiding you up and down as you gagged on his length. It didn't take long for him to come undone, for his string of curses and moans to lead to him filling your mouth. You swallowed every last bit of it before pulling away as his fingers loosened. “Your mouth is so good, honey, but that doesn't change the fact that I face fucked you, you didn't suck me off." He shook his head as he breathlessly admonished you.
Exhausted from trying to beg him you laid your head on his knee. “You didn't give me the time." You whispered, voice shaking. Your brain so foggy that you decided to accept defeat.
Finnick's fingers were suddenly much softer and so was his voice as he lead your face up, making you look at him. “Hey, of course I'm gonna take care of you, sweet girl, you didn't think I was gonna get you all worked up for so long and not leave you like this all night, did you? Just messing with you, don't think about what I was saying, you've been so good for me. So patient." You were crying in relief, forcing your face back into his knee. "Come on honey, let me take care of my needy girl.” He moved your head again, grabbing a hand to lift you as he stood from the chair. Guiding you to the bedroom. “Strip for me, sweet girl."
You mindlessly nodded to his instructions, sitting on the bed when you finished. “Thank you."
“How do you want me to help you out, honey?"
“Can I have your mouth please, Finn?" You muttered and he nodded.
“Of course you can, gonna make you feel so good." He pulled a pillow closer to your head, "Lay down for me.” You obeyed and he settled between your legs. Breath fanning on your core, making your buck your hips towards his face. "My pretty girl has such a pretty pussy, dripping for me. How long do you think it'll take?” He kissed your labia and you moaned so loudly it echoed in your head. “I think I've got you so ready that it'll be fast and if we're lucky you'll be seeing stars, won't you, sweet girl?"
“Please, Finn." You whined and suddenly he was devouring you. Face buried inside your cunt, your thighs started to close when his hands, in tune with your expected movements, held them open. “Oh my god, Finn, so good!" Your hands curled into the sheets, toes curling, bucking against his face. His nose rubbing against your sensitive clit as his tongue explored. You let your fingers wander up to his hair, tugging at the golden locks and nearly screaming when he moaned into you. It felt impossible that you were so worked up that you felt so close to unraveling already. “Keep going, so close!"
“Gonna cum all over my face, sweet girl? Wanna taste you." Finnick instantly was back on you, somehow with more intensity than before. He was right when you did come you could've sworn you saw stars, especially when he latched himself onto your clit the moment your orgasm started. Refusing to let up as you did in fact scream your way through it. You felt yourself hazily bucking away.
“Can't, Finn, s’too much." You whined and he chuckled.
“Just taste so good, honey, I'm just cleaning you up, okay?" You knew he was lying, that he'd stay like this until you were desperate to get away yet begging for more, and you nodded anyway. Accepting a different kind of defeat, you deserved it after the day he'd given you, at least that's what you told yourself when he dove right back into your core.
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I rarely write smut, so I hope this is up to snuff, and I'm kinda nervous. But here y'all go, I was just feeling it tonight. Feedback, likes, comments, reblogs are all super appreciated and my ask box/requests are always open, I'm working on some requested headcannons right now! thank you for reading, love you all 💋
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Party Animal
Steve hated parties. And who could blame him? The infamous Halloween party of 1984 left more scars on his heart than he carried from all his other misadventures. Alcohol made people say thinks they buried deep inside, but then instead of owning up to them, they'd say "I was drunk", as if that was any excuse. So yes, Steve and parties didn't go together anymore.
And yet he stupidly decided to throw one anyway.
Look, they deserved it. All of them did - Eddie, Nancy, Robin, even Jonathan and Argyle, they all earned acting like actual teenagers for one evening. Steve wanted to see Eddie, now miraculously his boyfriend, just have fun, laugh, be silly. So a party it was.
It all went great - dancing, drinking, nibbling on mountains of Argyle's homemade pizza - but eventually they all got drunk. Not Steve, he just sipped one beer and kept an eye on everyone. Jonathan and Argyle were smoking outside, Nancy and Robin flirted in the most embarrassing way possible and Eddie...
Steve heard sniffling from the bathroom and his heart sank.
He didn't want to go there. He didn't want to be told that this was all a misunderstanding, that he pressured Eddie with his flirting, didn't want to hear he's bullshit again.
But no matter how terrified he was, he could never abandon Eddie. So he went in.
Eddie was leaning over the sink, wiping at his face and trying to control his breathing. "Shit..." he muttered and turned away from Steve. "Sorry, I...uh. I'll be there in a sec."
"Eddie..." It came out as a whisper. "Are...are you okay? Did I do something?"
Eddie just chuckled and pulled hair in front of his face. "Sure did," he mumbled.
And it made horrible sense to Steve. Of course he was the reason Eddie was crying. He couldn't help fucking up, he'd tried so hard to change but apparently it was 1984 all over again. So he took a deep breath and waited for the final blow.
"You're just perfect, Stevie."
Oh.
That wasn't what being broken up with sounded like. In fact, Eddie didn't seem angry at him at all. "...sorry?"
Eddie laughed, wet and high in his throat. "Like, you...you are too good to be true, you know? You throw a party for us and then you even don't drink so we're all cared for if anything happens? You...you give your best friend a green light to date your ex who shredded your heart to pieces? You invite the guy that your ex cheated on you with and his friend? You're just so good about it. And you're funny and so bitchy that I want to kiss you all the time. And I just...I love you so much, you know? And I've never felt that way about anyone and it's fucking scary, man."
Steve's racing thoughts came to a screching halt. Where he was too busy panicking and praying he'd still have time to fix whatever he did, now his brain settled on maybe I'm not getting broken up with? "So, uh..." he muttered as he watched Eddie try fix his eyeliner, "...there's, like, nothing wrong? Or maybe...do you want me to go slower? I know I can be a lot."
His boyfriend gave an incredulous laugh. There was no salvaging the eyeliner now, it was getting caught in Eddie's early crow feet, and Steve had never seen a more beautiful sight. "No, Steve. You're not a lot. In fact, you're just enough in every single way, but knowing that you're it for me, that good things can happen...it makes me terrified. I've never put all my drugs in a single lunchbox, or whatever metaphor you want to use for it, but with you I'm just throwing all the caution into the wind. And for the first time, I..." he stopped, chewing on his lip, "...I don't want to run away when I mess up. I want to stay, face the music and fix it. You're re-writing the Munson doctrine again and again and I just...I don't want you to settle for me, Steve. You are the whole package and I'm still cleaning all my messes. I guess today showed me that and I...yeah. Sorry about all this," he pointed at his tear-streaked face.
Eddie suddenly seemed so small, so insecure, and that wouldn't do. It woke Steve up from his frozen state and he took a step forward, cradling Eddie's face in his palms. "I'm not. Settling for you, that is." He was probably smudging the black even more, but Eddie would have been beautiful to him even fully covered in grime, and there were more important things to focus on. "Eddie, you keep talking about the Munson doctrine and being work in progress, but you don't see how you've thrown all the stuff I used to do out of the window, and I'm better for it. With you, I don't feel rushed, I don't have to perform or pretend. I can just live in the moment."
As he continued his speech, something strange started happening. Seeing people cry normally had a guaranteed effect on Steve - just one tear, quiet sob and he pushed his emotions down to be dealt with later or possibly never, someone needed him, and that was the priority. But now, staring at Eddie's wet eyes and shaky hands? He felt his own face crumbling and what better place to hide it than in Eddie's Metallica t-shirt. It smelled of cigarettes, pizza and the cheap laundry detergent that had come to mean home to Steve. "Sorry," he choked out. "Shit. I was...sorry, I'm supposed to be...you know. Consoling you. But I heard you crying and I thought...I..."
Eddie shook his head and tightened his grip on Steve's waist. "Oh Stevie. Whatever that pretty head of yours thought of, it's not happening. Unless it's kissing me, which duh, that's happening, if you want to of course, and staying with me to the point that you're sick of me."
Steve just whimpered into Eddie's shoulder, something that suspiciously sounded like "Now who's perfect, huh?"
His boyfriend just chuckled. "I guess that in a way, we both are. Maybe for each other?" If he'd aimed for self-deprecating tone, he failed. Instead, it was hopeful.
Steve didn't answer, but his embrace said it all.
They remained wrapped around each other for a long while, until Eddie whispered in Steve's ear: "how about we let the others celebrate on their own, hm? They won't be driving, their stuff is already in the guest bedrooms, and I hear your bed is wonderful this time of the year."
There was a muffled "yes" coming from Eddie's shoulder, and a few adjustments and "Good night!"s later, they found themselves in Steve's bedroom. Eddie managed to remove most of the rogue eyeliner, which was lucky. The time in the bathroom wasn't the last time he shed a tear that day, because as they were falling asleep, Steve said:
"You might be the first person who is dating the real me, and I'd like you to be the last one as well."
Tomorrow, he'd hold a funeral for the Munson doctrine. But today, he was going to wrap himself around Steve like a cuddly octopus and know that even if he doesn't manage to hold on tight the whole night, Steve would be there in the morning.
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yuri-is-online · 2 months
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Hey, Yuri, do you think Yuu would ever run the risk of being put in danger by having a romantic relationship with any of the more high-profile members of the cast? I mean, we’ve got royalty, nobility, celebrities, and the very wealthy attending this school. I’ve just been rotating my brain about how these relationships would work out and Yuu is a pretty vulnerable target without NRC’s security. - 🦐
Hmmmmmm. I have a bunch of thoughts about this actually... I tried ranking them from least to most dangerous if that makes sense? But don't read too deeply into the bullet point placements they were mostly just a stream of consciousness thing.
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Not that Risky (surprisingly)
Leona- we don't really have details about his brother's marriage, but I don't think his family has been shown to be overly keen on forming alliances with outside countries, the Savannah seems more concerned with itself. I don't think his family would be too fussed with his partner being a magicless person from outerspace, if anything this might be seen as a plus to the councilors that are always mocking Leona behind his back as his partner's lack of royal blood makes him even less fit for the throne. Not to mention Leona himself is more than enough to protect Yuu, he's the only royal at the school without a proper retainer (which you could argue is because no one at home likes him) but I doubt his family would let him do that if he was genuinely in danger.
Rook- he's Rook. His family does sound rather sweet from the very very very little we know about him (he also seems like he was kind of sheltered as a kid, something I should chew on sometime) so I doubt they would allow anything too bad to happen to Yuu.
Vil- his main issue is his contract, the Japanese Idol industry is cut throat and often sees things like bans on relationships as part of the contract. Vil doesn't want to risk his career or reputation, he mentions that he himself is a brand and I can't see him wanting to put that pressure on Yuu if they're not up for it. But... there are also celebrities who have really private personal lives and I sort of get the sense Vil is like that? And I don't think he would be too bothered if Yuu didn't want to be super public, it would certainly make it easier to keep you safe.
Idia- S.T.Y.X. might be a gloomy place but no one knows where it is
Medium Danger (danger is real but can be managed)
Jade and Floyd- we don't actually know what their family does, just that it's probably sketchy and that Mama Leech calls them every day, taught them self defense, and just generally seems to worry about them a lot. The danger is very real under the sea, but I also sort of get the sense that messing with the Leech family is skipping the fuck around and going straight to find out.
Azul- his business is going to make him enemies sooner or later, but at least during school Yuu should be more or less safe. Azul's able to keep on top of the students who mean Yuu harm, and Yuu is able to politely ignore their boyfriend's business (or maybe they have a knack for helping?) When you get older I can see Azul's need for a security team expanding, but he'll have money to get the best.
Riddle- ok so. I don't think his mom would try to kill you. But god she would be such a toxic person to manage. I'm actually working on a (very old) request atm that involves discussing what Riddle's mom might do if she finds Riddle with a partner instead of his studies (which I assume she's paying for) especially during his internship. She'd go full scorched earth and get very confused when Yuu doesn't back off like Trey did.
Huston We Have a Problem
Kalim- the amount of assassination attempts my poor boy has already canonically endured... I imagine there are probably going to be more in his future. I can see Yuu needing their own retainer (which could be a fun concept for an oc) to protect them and test their food. When Grim becomes a great mage I'm sure he could help with that actually, wouldn't that be cute?!
MALLEUS- acceptance of humans is virtually non existence in Briar Valley AND his mother hated humans so much she "blessed" her child to only be loved by fae. We don't actually know how the senate works but I imagine they would lose their ever loving shit if Malleus brought home a human as a friend and now he wants to make them his spouse? No. They say no. Time to show them what an absolute monarchy means I guess.
Assuming Yuu isn't in a relationship with Malleus I could see their friendship actually sort of being a boon to them, especially if Yuu was with Kalim or Azul. Pissing of the merchants is one thing, but the King of the Abyss? No thank you, they'll just take their losses and go.
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bubbles-for-all-of-us · 9 months
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Always have but never hold
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Previous chapter / Next chapter
a/n Chapter six makes it's appearance. I'm once again so thankful for all the love.
warnings: past trauma, anxiety, panic attacks, mentions of sexual interactions, therapy.
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Nothing cut through the numbness. It felt like grief all over again. Just this hit Carmy in a completely different way because no one else was feeling what he was feeling. No one else understood. No one else cared. The apartment that beforehand was a safe sanctuary for him. A place where Carmy could finally breathe. Where he could strip away all pretense of composure. Where he was free to crumble. Where you always were. Reaching for him. Holding him. Hugging him. Soothing him. Now it felt like a cage. Like a cruel - in your face. Constantly shouting at Carmen, you fucked it, you fucked it, you fucked it this time.
No matter where Carmen turned, he saw you. The bedroom was still somewhat full of your clothes. There were pieces of your you all around, so the morning when Carmy found that you had left one of your favorite rings behind, one that he had watched you look at for weeks, one that he had bought for you out of one of his first bigger pays, he had slipped it onto his chain. Turning it between his fingers when anxiety struck. Telling himself that you didn't leave it because you hated him; you left it because you were in a rush, and now, once in a while, you remembered it and didn't feel complete.
Carmy had sat in the living room almost every evening, flipping through your books and the old portfolios. Trying to grasp that sense of you. Keep it locked in the apartment; don't let it fade away. Even leaving some books that you usually read open before he dragged himself to the restaurant so that when he returned he would see them like that. Used. And until his brain caught up, a sense of you being there would flood him. A rush of hope would fill him, only to be crushed. Because you weren't there, and the more days went by, the more he doubted you were ever coming home to him.
Were you, by any chance, doing any better? No. Where Carmy struggled with constant glimpses of you, you were crushed by the lack of Carmy around you. While the anger was fresh, it soothed you. That there was no resemblance to him in Copenhagen. That you were miles away. That he didn't know where you went. That you didn't have to fear bumping into him in the street. Until all of that went sour. Until it all left you feeling nothing but alone.
Copenhagen felt as friendless as Chicago, if not more. And you had locked yourself in the restaurant's toilet, sobbing with a palm over your hand. When you realized that it was never about a country or a city. Sure, Chicago wasn't your number-one pick, but it definitely wasn't the worst option. It was not about the apartment or its size. All those things didn't make up a home. Because none of them were meant to last. People moved around constantly. Preferences changed too. It was Carmy who was supposed to be forever. Carmen was your home. No matter the location you were in. Anywhere you went, it would be manageable as long as he was by your side.
After that realization, a second wave of sadness hit. Because now everything in Luca's apartment felt off. Felt so not Carmy-like. It felt wrong being here, hence why you started to barely spend time there. It was too clean. Too put together. You missed your little mess. The mess you made together. Missed the fact that Carmy was storing his denim in the oven, even if you bickered over it. Missed your piles of books or how Carmen looked laying between them. Missed knowing what the nooks and crannies held.
Most nights now, you sneaked out of Luca's embrace. Thankful that you managed to jolt from your sleep without waking him up. Yet feeling guilty that nothing but you was making him so tired. During those nights, the voices in my head barked the loudest. Not good enough. Unlovable. Replaceable.
You hated that even your mind was against you. Altering your memories. Scarring your heart and self-esteem even more deeply. If before you only saw yourself as small. Humiliated over and over again. Yelled till your skin crawled. Spat at and shoved around. Now. Now it was always you walking up the stairs to your apartment. Happy to show off the new project that your professor had approved. Only to open the door to the trail of clothes. Carelessly splattered around the place. Carrying an assent of lustful rush. The dread and denial. Shaky steps as you walked towards the bedroom. Ignoring the obvious. Still childishly trying to convince yourself that the obvious moans were only in your head. But they were not. Because right in the same bed you slept in hours ago, your boyfriend was balls-deep inside a girl you've never seen before. Ezra's face had faded through the years, which your mind used to full advantage. So now, night after night, without even needing to fall asleep, all you saw was Carmen fucking Claire, smiling back at you with a sickly smirk that didn't suit his features. Until you would jolt up, trying to push the image as far away as you could.
"Hi...", Carmen was standing outside the somewhat old building. One hand in the pocket. A hat on his head because he was feeling anxious. Too seen. Too out there. "You don't have to reply", he added shortly after, just as anxiety about not knowing what to say next crept in. "I hope you are safe, amm...", He's been doing this ever since you left. The next morning, he ran out to buy a new phone. Your number was the only thing he cared for. It soothed him in a way. To still somehow have this piece of you. His only chance to reach you. "I'm also sorry, really sorry", he blurted out, brushing his hand over his mouth and feeling the tears pick up slowly. "You call... or write, or anything when you want, yeah?", he said with a voice so small, without a doubt, you'd be able to feel just how lost he was, right? You knew him better than anyone else. "You can call to yell if you want to, just be okay, okay?", Carmy added, taking a sharp breath in, a moment of silence. "I will go now. I'm going to that meeting. You know the one", his voice trailed off, followed by the sound of beeping.
"Here you are. For a second, I thought you fled Copenhagen", you jolted slightly, head immediately turning to the side where the sound came from. The delicate features that Luca carried instantly made you ease up. His hands were full of different plates, and for a split second you wanted to jump up to help, but then you remembered that he was way better at all of this than you would ever be, so you left him to it until he was right by the little table you were seated by.
One thing about Luca's place that you did grow to love was the upper-level balcony. Since his apartment was on the top level, the views were incredible. So full of freedom. Never-ending breeze. You sneaked here often now, even during the night. A blanket in your hand as you cocooned your body in it. Letting the wind carry your thoughts away.
"Is that...", Luca pointed to the sketchbook that rested on the side of the table. Your eyes fell onto the piece of paper as well. Knot instantly tightened in your throat, yet you managed to grog out, "Carmen yeah...".
Luca nodded softly. No big reaction followed suit; no disappointed remarks. In a way, that's why you loved Luca so much. His first reaction was never to judge or put you down and make you feel small. Most times he didn't agree, but he never put himself in a position where he would try to make it seem that his opinion in some way was more important or more right. Luca wanted to understand and help you understand where all of it was coming from.
So you weren't too surprised when he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?". You hesitated at first. A logical part of you was aware that you shouldn't be doing this. Drawing someone who you were still upset with. Who had said loud and proud that another woman was the only good thing from his past. But your body, all the little cells, and the soul itself were too firmly intertwined with Carmy's for you to just walk away without turning back.
"I listened to his voicemails and", you sighed, reaching for the sketchbook before handing it to Luca, "Drew him while doing so". You watched the way his gaze danced over the paper. Falling over every inch of it, following every line. A sudden urge to yank it from Luca's grip arose, but you only held onto the sleeves of your shirt tightly. "When was the last time you drew?", Luca asked, his eyes now meeting yours. "Just now", you stated blankly, and Luca instantly rolled his eyes, letting out a low huff, "Okay, smart-ass, I'm being serious".
And you knew that he was. Painting had been a big part of you for as long as you could imagine. At the age of ten, you had gotten into so much trouble when you painted over all the hallway walls while your parents were away. The end outcome wasn't pretty because no one was happy, and well, you got a rather big punishment, but that was the first time you realized that this was the only way you could breathe. Process the world around you. Deal with all the big emotions. "Over a year ago", you muttered, suddenly unable to hold Luca's gaze. "And how does it feel?", "I can still do it", you shrugged your shoulders quickly. Luca let out a low laugh, "And do it really well. Scary, actually, looks like he's looking straight at me".
Your heart skipped a beat at those words. And maybe that's what you wanted to capture. What you had been missing the most. The depth of Carmy's eye. The light blues dancing in them. The way nothing else mattered when he was looking at you. How you always felt safe under his gaze. How loved and seen they made you feel. You bit down on your lip, shutting your eyes tightly and fighting the tears.
"You didn't have a proper conversation with him", Luca's voice was sweet, calm, and all, but his words rubbed a wound too sore still. Too aching still. "Oh, the conversation was more than proper", your tone was much sharper now. Like a bee ready to sting, like a scorpion. Pushed in an unwanted direction. "With him panicking and you deep in your head? Your and my definitions of proper are different, bunny", Luca huffed. You knew this was coming. You could tell from his body language over the past couple of days. He fussed over you for the time being. But now he was upfront, trying to push you to move, not just sit there and dwell. "Don't do this", you muttered, silently pleading with him to drop this for a bit longer. Because you still didn't know. You didn't have an answer as to how your heart was feeling.
"Right, what's the plan then? You will hide in Copenhagen for the rest of your life?", it was a jab, and it definitely hit the mark perfectly.
"If you don't want me here, just say...", you pushed your chair back quickly, feeling the frustration growing within you. Fight or flight mode activating instantly. "You're deflecting", Luca said softly, and this time his velvety voice made you snap. "Fuck you", you hissed, ripping the drawing out of his hands and backing away instantly. "Bunny", and it's so much more like order now. No longer a gentle caress. Making you stager in your steps. "I have to give you a nudge because we both know...", Luca started, but you quickly cut in.
"Know what? That I'll get back with him, just like with Ezra? That I'll forgive a cheater? Will I get my heart broken, and you'll have to be the one to pick up the broken pieces?", now you were less than a step away from Luca's face, finger jabbing in his chest as the words spilled out of your mouth. You wanted him to fight back, to get mad, but instead, he just wrapped his arms around you, bringing you closer to his just as the tears spilled over your face.
"Well, I'm still Carmen; I talked about my brother and his addiction and all that, but...", those meetings were exhausting. Truly. Leaving Carmen barely functioning after. But he still went. He listened at first. To everyone. To their stories. Pain. Losses. It didn't drown out his own pain. No, it stayed the same, but he managed to talk about Mikey, but he stopped midway because ripping these wounds open was so painful. Too painful, and he always imagined he wouldn't be alone.
"I always thought that the first time I would come here, I would have my girlfriend...my... my girl, with me", Carmen said, swallowing thickly. "She was there when I got the call. She...", he shook his head, "I don't even remember how those days went. She fed me, she showed me, and she helped my family plan it all. Well, she almost did it all herself because of my family." Flashes of you dipping in and out of the family house filled his mind. Carmen rarely thought of that day. He wanted his mind to destroy whatever it was. His mother screamed. Richie was trying to calm her down. Sugar sobbed while begging Richie to be more gentle, and Carmy just sat there. He remembers how his mom threw the flowers you bought for the grave at him, or maybe at you. But you stepped in, right in front of him. Water and petals hitting your chest. A shiver ran down his back.
"She gave up her life to move here, and I never told her what it meant for me", Carmen quickly tightened his fist at the anxiety. "My family loved Claire... Claire is not my girlfriend", he added quickly, almost in a defensive manner, "I grew up with all the Claire so pretty now; you should be with her; she would be so good for you. I... Had never been good enough for them, and I just...", he stuttered, "When I saw her now, I was like, what if this is the only way to bring my family back? Finally, do something and make them all happy?", Carmy quickly ran a hand over his face. His palms were sweaty. He felt those same tingles running through his body. "But it felt so wrong, so... like a ghost from the past suffocating me, and in revisiting that, I... lost the most important thing in my life". Biting his lips, Carmen tried to look straight again. The weight of those words leaving his mouth stung and he sure was not prepared for it.
You wanted to stay at the apartment. The outburst of emotions still hung heavily on your shoulders, but Luca was going back to the bakery, and he was determined to drag you out of the house. Even if you stayed there for five minutes, it still meant at least a solid four minutes of walking outside. His arm was draped over your shoulders. One of his AirPods was in his ear, the other in yours, as you listened to one of the old playlists you two had made together. Luca convinced you to see your old therapist once more. "At least a couple of times", he had reasoned, "Till you sort through everything that's going on in here right now", he had pointed to your temple. You agreed because putting your mental state on his shoulders was just too much. Luca already had to deal with your nightmares. Not to mention the outbursts like today.
You were a second away from asking him if he'd need your help around the back or if you'd be able to just eat whatever Chris decided to place in front of you when your phone rang. You stopped instantly. Your eyes darted up to Luca. You weren't sure what you were silently asking of him, but you were more than thankful when he reached into your back pocket and pulled your phone out. "Unknown number", Luca muttered, watching your face pale. Your heart sank instantly. What if this is the hospital? What number was called when they found Mikey? Have they found Carmen? You placed your hand on Luck's chest, steadying yourself. One of his arms wrapped instantly around your back as he pressed the green button. The cursing on the other side filled your ears, and you instantly closed your eyes.
"Hello", Luca said, but it felt like the caller didn't even listen. "I just quit", the voice said, and your head instantly jarred towards the phone. "I quit, so did Marcus, and... Wait... Sorry...Must have", you quickly snatched the phone from Luca's hand. "Sydney?", you asked wearingly; you must have forgotten to put her phone number into yours. "Yeah, it's me, and Marcus is here", you heard a distant hello that made you smile weakly. "What's going on? What happened?", you asked, hearing a deep sigh leaving Suddenly lips, before she muttered something to Marcus, "It's insane here without you. Carmy is an absolute piece of shit".
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Taglist: @nishinoyahhh @thewulf @shewasthelimit @chatitajens @azxulaa @hidingfromtex @randomhoex @hopplessdreamer @lostinheavensworld @jackierose902109 @gallaghrh @gabbycoady13 @harrysmatcha @lady-bellyn @lovejoyenjoyer @infinitelycharmed23 @royalestrellas @hanula18 @thoughtfulmoonchild911 @buckys-winter-child @arieltwvdtohamflash @simsiddy @yezzyyae @hidingfromtex @toptierbunny @rooster-bradshaws @literatureluater @hellokitty4eva
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atarathegreat · 21 days
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reader plays a prank on her boyfriend (rindou) where she makes her boyfriend believe that she is going to see another boy ;b
Prank Gone Wrong
Rindou was confused. Had she meant to send him such a funky text? Calling him a nickname he hated and saying she would meet him somewhere she knew he would never go to.
"I don't think that text was for you." Ran sighed, getting up and pulling his shoes on. Rindou thought his brother was too quick to jump to conclusions. His girlfriend was a good girl, she was loyal and stayed by his side, there was no way she was hanging out with someone else. Right?
He'd be lying if he said that he wasn't waiting for his brothers' updates. Each hour there was another text that said I got one. Rindou wasn't sure what that meant, but he knew his brother was watching out for him. He trusted you, so he was a little torn about the way this was all going. Especially when he met his brother to find any and all males that had ever been near you in a friendly setting.
"What the hell is this?" Rindou waved at all the boys that were either tied up or knocked out, a select few being cowed in the corner by other Tenjiku members. Ran tapped his baton firmly against his little brothers neck, "Look. Recognize any of them? Each and every one of them has been around Y/n in the last month and a half. So, unless she's met someone new, she's being coy."
"So you kidnapped her acquaintances?" Rindou raised an eyebrow at his brother and the lower members, "How does that even make sense?"
Ran rolled his eyes. "Look, baby brother, I want to make sure she isn't cheating and you want peace of mind that your sweet princess is loyal to you. This is how we do that."
Rindou still wasn't sure how that made sense, but whatever his brother wanted is what they did. If they had time to. Before he could even start digging in, there she was. School uniform perfectly in place on her curves and her hair done the same as any other day but no less pretty. Even her scowl as she chastised the charismatic brothers was gorgeous to Rindou. She was midway through her rant when he couldn't stop himself from grabbing her hand.
"I'm serious, Rin!" She tugged free and moved to help her friends up and out, "You can't go nabbing people over a prank!"
"I didn't do it..."
"You can't have Ran do it, either!"
"I-"
"Stop him next time!" She grabbed his hand once all her friends were safely out, "Do you two have dodo brains? Rocks for synapses? Geezus, Rin!"
Rindou didn't mind walking her home, even if she was in a sour mood. At least he knew it was a prank now. If anything, he felt a little guilty for ruining the fun for her. She probably didn't think it would go that way and was wanting a nice laugh. Instead, he let Ran go out and grab as many third years as he wanted to satisfy his own curiosity.
"Sorry I messed up your prank." Rindou pulled her hand up, kissing the back of it, then all her knuckles.
Even her sighs were heavenly. "I should've known you and Ran would pull some silly stunt like this if I pranked you, so it's my fault."
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sidekick-hero · 2 months
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(steddie | mature | 2k | tags: established relationship, post-s4, Valentine's Day, Robin is the best, fluff | summary: Steve loves Eddie, he really, really does. He just can't say it. | @steddielovemonth prompt Love is just a four-letter word by @sal-si-puedes | AO3)
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"He probably thinks I don't love him, Robin. Which is... ridiculous. I do! I really, really do. I just can't say it." Steve is pacing around the blissfully empty Family Video Store, his hands making a mess of his hair as they run through it in frustration.
"This is so stupid. I* am* so stupid, it's just four stupid letters, even a preschooler can say it," he rambles, his eyes wild as they look at Robin. "Why am I like this, Robbie?" His voice breaks, along with his heart, at the thought of Eddie doubting Steve's feelings for him for even a second.
Robin walks over to him and grips his shoulders tightly, her blue eyes boring into his as she says in her firmest you-listen-to-me-now voice. "You're not stupid. This is my best friend you're talking about, so watch it." That earns her at least a half-smile, which counts as a victory considering Steve was already pinching his nose to hold back tears.
"I know you love him, Steve. Everyone knows it. One look at you when he's in the room, or even when you're just talking about him, is enough to know you love him. And I'm sure Eddie knows it too. He has to."
Robin's words soothe some of the fear in Steve's heart, knowing that she would tell him if she really thought he had messed up. But even though it's okay now, Eddie won't wait forever for Steve to say those three little words. No one would. Steve knows that his heart couldn't take being with Eddie, loving Eddie and telling him that, only to never hear it back from him.
"I don't know. Even if you're right, I feel like I'm losing him. That something in me is broken, and one day he'll realize that too, and then he'll leave." With an even smaller voice Steve adds: "I can't lose him, Robbie".
They don't hug very often. Robin shows her affection in many ways, but most of them aren't overly physical. That's Eddie's job, clinging to Steve like a koala most days, always touching Steve in some way, even if it's just his shoulder nudging Steve's. Robin pulling him into a tight hug now means a lot to him, but it's also a testament to the gravity of the situation.
With their arms around each other between the horror and action movie sections, Steve takes a moment to just soak in the comfort she offers. What happened at Starcourt messed them both up, caused them both more trauma than any teenager should have to deal with, but on a very selfish level, Steve can't help but be grateful that it happened. A life without Robin Buckley sounds like the greater horror to him.
After a few minutes, Robin gently pulls away from Steve to look at him. He's reluctant to let her go, even though he knows this is an even longer hug than the one she gave him when Nancy told him they weren't getting back together after defeating Vecna. She wanted to go to Boston, make a career, see the world. And Steve? Steve wanted a home, a place to belong, and someone to share that home with. They wanted different things, he realizes now.
That doesn't mean it didn't open old wounds, memories of how it felt to be rejected by her, his love for her thrown in his face like it was worthless. Bullshit.
As attuned to him and his thoughts as ever, a true testament to the fact that they share a brain cell, Robin says, "I think it's understandable that you can't say it. The last time you told someone you loved them, you were hurt, badly. Your heart is probably just trying to protect itself. Like a kid who touched a hot stove and got burned wouldn't touch another stove, you know?"
Steve nods, because in a way it makes sense. It just doesn't help him to know.
"But what am I supposed to do, Robin? It's not Eddie's fault that I'm broken."
"You, Steve Harrington, are not broken. Just a little bruised. There is nothing wrong with you just because you got hurt and have the scars to show for it. Like Max, because of the injuries to her leg, she cannot walk like she used to before Vecna, so she uses her crutch. She's not broken. Is she?"
"No, of course not. If anything, she's even stronger now, I saw her hit Lucas with the crutch and tell him to hurry up on the way to the movies," Steve says, smiling at the memory.
"See!" Robin waves her hand at him in excitement, almost bouncing with it. "All you need is a crutch!"
They look at each other wide-eyed before matching smiles break out on their faces, Robin's giddy at having found a solution, Steve's reflecting the tentative hope blossoming in his chest.
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His talk with Robin certainly helped, but as Valentine's Day approaches, the fears and insecurities start to creep back in. It's not even like Eddie is giving him any indication that he's not happy with Steve or their relationship. Quite the opposite, in fact.
Eddie tells him he loves him almost every time they see each other, at the most random moments. Some days he whispers it in Steve's ear to wake him up, other days it's his way of saying good night to him with his arm around Steve's waist and his hand over Steve's heart in a protective grip. He says it casually when Steve brings him breakfast in bed or lunch to the record store where he now works. Just yesterday he said it while Steve was buried deep inside him, their hands intertwined beside Eddie's head and brown eyes looking softly up at Steve.
It's not meant to make him feel bad about himself, he knows that.
He still does.
So when he opens his front door to the sight of Eddie standing on his doorstep in his nicest jeans and a forest green button-down Steve has never seen before, clearly having put some real effort into his appearance, Steve almost crumbles.
He's a shitty boyfriend, isn't he? There's this amazing guy who goes out of his way to look nice for Steve, even though he doesn't even like Valentine's Day, just because he knows it's important to Steve. And he can't even tell him he loves him.
Some of what he's feeling must be showing on his face, because Eddie's cheerful smile falls and he hurries into the house to pull Steve into his arms, slamming the door shut with his foot.
"Sweetheart, I'm sorry, I told Dustin green wasn't my color, but he insisted. I look hideous, don't I?"
That makes Steve snort wetly into Eddie's neck before muttering a fond "Idiot" into it.
Eddie just hums, obviously pleased with himself for making Steve laugh. "You can tell me. You know I don't mind getting naked for you."
"You're getting a little ahead of yourself, aren't you?"
Eddie grinned wolfishly at him. "I don't know, the tear in my Hellfire shirt from when you ripped it off me begs to differ."
Steve blushes at the memory, even as he laughs at Eddie's words. Instead of saying anything else, Steve pulls him back into his arms and Eddie goes willingly.
"Hi, baby," he says, his nose brushing behind Steve's ear.
"Hi." Steve breathes him in, the smell of cigarette smoke and his shampoo strong where his nose is buried in Eddie's hair.
They don't let go for a long time.
It's Eddie who pulls back first, and Steve does his best not to read into it. "You want to tell me what's going on?"
The Steve from before the Upside Down would have just shaken his head and told Eddie that everything was fine before pulling him into the bedroom to reassure them both that it was. Not talking about his feelings, fears, and needs might have worked for hookups, but he learned the hard way that it doesn't work when you want to be in a relationship.
So Steve takes Eddie's hand and leads him over to the couch where they both sit facing each other. They don't let go of each other's hands.
"I know you're probably wondering why I haven't told you... why I haven't said it yet."
Eddie's eyebrows disappear behind his fringe. "It?"
Sighing, Steve watches his fingers run over Eddie's knuckles. "You know. That I love you."
"Oh."
It's hard to place Eddie's tone, and even harder to place the silence that follows, but it makes his knee jiggle with nerves and his stomach churn. Usually it's Eddie who tends to fill the silence between them when it feels too big, too heavy, but today it's Steve.
"It's not because I don't want to, I swear. It's just," another frustrated sigh, the hand currently not held by Eddie's rubbing over his face, "I just can't say it. And I am so, so sorry, because you deserve to hear it. Every day. But I can't... I can't. So I understand if you don't want to do this anymore. You deserve better, Eddie. You really, really do."
Eddie lets Steve's words settle between them, aching and raw, but he never lets go of Steve's hand.
"You're right," he finally says, and the sound of Steve's heart breaking is deafening to his own ears. Pinching his nose, he tries to take his hand back from Eddie, but his boyfriend (if he can still call him that) won't budge. "You're right about me wondering, Steve. But that was before."
Looking up, a frown forming between his eyebrows, Steve asks, "Before?"
"Before I realized that you do tell me that you love me, every day. You say it when you tiptoe around the trailer in the morning to make breakfast without waking me. You tell me every time you pack an extra blanket or sweater when we go to the quarry because you know I always get cold. I hear it loud and clear every time you bring me lunch, even though it means you waste most of your own lunch break driving around town. It's in the way you try so hard to make Wayne like you because you know how much that means to me, and in the way you hold me after another nightmare, and in the way you kiss me sometimes like there's nothing in the world you'd rather be doing, without it having to lead anywhere, just because you like kissing me."
Eddie scooted forward and bridged the gap between them by taking Steve's face in his hands.
"Steve, you've been telling me you love me for months with everything except words. I don't really need them. It's just a four-letter word."
And, fuck, now Steve is crying. Eddie wipes away his tears with his thumbs, and when that's not enough, he kisses them away with his lips.
Steve is so in love with him that he has no idea how the feeling even fits in his body.
"Damn," he chuckles wetly, "that means I didn't even have to find a crutch?"
Now it's Eddie's turn to look at Steve in confusion, clearly worried that his boyfriend might have lost his mind. "What crutch? Is this a sex thing?"
Laughing and shaking his head fondly, Steve raises his free hand to his head, palm facing Eddie. Then he brings his thumb, index finger, and little finger up, keeping his ring and middle fingers down, before moving his hand back and forth slightly.
"Robin came up with this. She said if I couldn't say the words with my mouth, maybe I could say them in a different way. I thought of trying sign language," Steve adds sheepishly.
Before he knows what's happening, Eddie is on top of him, pressing him into the couch with his body weight and showering his face with kisses.
"You're so smart," kiss, "and beautiful," kiss, "and wonderful," kiss, "and I love you so much." The last part is accompanied by a lingering kiss on his lips and Steve melts under it.
Even though he obviously didn't have to tell Eddie this way, Steve is glad that he did.
He also thinks it won't be long before he can say those words, too. If anyone can help him walk without a crutch, it's Eddie.
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serverusslaype · 7 months
Text
Shameless, pt. 10
Severus Snape x professor!reader fic
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Shameless Masterpost
it's ya girl, back again...! 😼
hello, hi, how are you all? :) hope you are doing well! i'm feeling a lot better, i'm just congested now fml </3
this chapter is shorter, but not too short. as in it's not as long as the previous ones - they were like 6,000 words+, this is only 4,000-5,000 i think. The main reason is because it didn't really make sense to me to have it longer. so i hope you guys enjoy it!
thank you for all the likes, reblogs and most importantly the replies you left on the last chapter, they had me fucking dying oh my lord. 😭 you guys are so funny honestly. please keep leaving stuff like that it truly makes me laugh and makes my day 🌟🩷
Also guys what the fuck since when could you attach songs????? IM ABOUT TO GO BACK AND ADD SOME ON THE PREVIOUS CHAPTERS BECAUSE WHATTT MIND BLOWN
without further ado......
You trailed behind McGonagall and Snape, keeping your eyes glued to the floor in front of you as your body was still on fire from your encounter with Severus.
"How on Earth did Black manage to slip into the castle?" Snape hissed, briefly looking at McGonagall who was striding beside him, her brows laced together with worry. A shiver slid down your spine as Snape's stern voice bounced off of the stone corridor, creating a rather dramatic echo. Only moments ago were you about to kiss the man, totally disregarding the fact that you were seeing Ben. What a fucking mess.
Then again, you thought, how could anyone not get lost in his eyes? Gods, you were such a pathetic excuse for a woman as of right now.
Severus's eyes were distracting, almost magnetic-like, as they beckoned you to look further within them, silently persuading you to forget about anything and everything that mattered to you. You were sure he didn't intend to do such a thing, or maybe that's what you were telling yourself, but in that intimate moment with him, you couldn't help but feel inclined to kiss him. Whether it was the heat of the moment or not, you were sure he wanted to kiss you too.
"We're not sure," McGonagall replied, sighing in a distressed manner as she ripped you from your self-destructive thoughts. "Even Albus is baffled as to how he eluded our defences." You flicked your eyes up to glance at Minerva. You sort of felt like you shouldn't be here, it's not like you'd be much help if Black appeared in front of you right this second - your knowledge and skill in combat was nowhere near the level of McGonagall and Snape, you were certain that you'd probably be a burden. The thought of slipping away down a corridor poked at your brain, taunting you.
"Y/N?" Minerva's worrisome voice once again pulled you from your thoughts. You looked up, face flushing as you met Severus's curious eyes. Quickly glancing away, you focused your attention on the Gryffindor Head of House, afraid of the outcome if you stared any longer at him.
"Yes?" You cleared your throat, ignoring the way Severus was side-eyeing you from behind Minerva.
"Would you mind going to check the greenhouses?" She asked. Severus snapped his head at Minerva, clearly in disagreement with her proposal. You frowned slightly at his quick reaction, a tad offended.
"Minerva, I don't think that's a wise idea." Severus said rather sternly, glancing at you for a brief moment. Your face felt hot again.
"Y/N is more than capable of handling herself, Severus." Minerva replied, matching his stern tone. Severus's jaw ticked as he huffed quietly, looking away from the the older witch, silently feuding with her decision. She turned to you and offered a reassuring smile. You appreciated the faith that she had in you, but you weren't sure it was... correctly placed, to put it lightly. You pursed your lips, slightly awkward, stuck between staring at Severus's doubtful eyes and Minerva's confident ones. As you met Snape's eyes, he looked away, his brows furrowing. Your stomach somersaulted, but you weren't sure it was in the positive way you wanted. "Severus, check the dungeons." Minerva ordered, and he obliged with a curt nod, leaving almost immediately without a blink at you.
You shut your eyes briefly, fighting the urge to scream. Fuck, did you just make it extremely awkward between you two? Or was that just him being his naturally dismissive self? Was he just saving face because the two of you were in the presence of McGonagall? Did he actually lean in to kiss you as well or... did you imagine that?
"Y/N?" Minerva called, once again pulling you from your thoughts.
"Hm?" You blinked, eyes widening quickly as you realised you had a job to do. "Sorry, I was just-"
The older witch gently touched your forearm, causing you to look up at her with twinkling eyes. "What's going on with you and Severus?" Minerva questioned you, keeping her voice low but curious. As you looked at her, hesitantly, you saw sadness in her eyes, or perhaps... pity? "I know what I saw." She added rather glumly. You were a little confused at her tone, why did she seem so... sad about this?
"I don't know what you're talking about." You choked out awkwardly. Her brows knitted together as she leant her head back slightly, almost like she was disappointed in you.
"Don't make me sound like a fool, Y/N." She said. That was the same tone she had taken with you when you were a student. You immediately tore your eyes away.
"I..." Your mouth stayed open for a moment, unsure of what to say. "It's... complicated."
"It always is with Severus." Minerva sighed through her nose, a little agitated. You looked back and tilted your head at her, confused.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Severus is a complicated man, Y/N. I'm not sure you're aware of just how far his... trauma... goes." She said quietly, her tone switching back to it's usual soft one. You broke your gaze from Minerva's and shifted it to the ground thoughtfully.
"Nothing will come of it," You shook your head as the image of Ben flooded your mind. You winced. "It was a mistake, I shouldn't have done that, it was just a spur of the... moment... sort of thing." You shrugged, trying to ignore the pain that was currently blossoming in your chest at the sound of your own words. "I'm, err, seeing someone, anyway."
"Oh?" Minerva quirked a brow at you. This must sound so disorderly to her. You're seeing someone, but she had walked in on you almost kissing Severus? She probably thinks you're some kind of harlot that can't keep her legs closed now. Jesus. Nice one.
"Um, Benjamin- Benjamin Bluewater, I'm sure you're familiar with that name..." You trailed off, shrinking as you awaited her answer. You knew he wasn't a fond topic amongst the teachers at Hogwarts back in the day, so you were always preparing yourself for a scolding or some sort of judgemental remark.
"Oh, yes, I remember Mr Bluewater." Minerva hummed thoughtfully, staring at you with her inquisitive eyes. You felt as if you had to explain yourself.
"In regards to the... thing you saw- Severus and I, it's complicated, like I said, there's this weird... tension between us-" You were rambling now, and you couldn't stop yourself. Merlin, someone stop you, please. "I can't really explain it, I mean I have feelings for him, but he didn't feel the same, then I-I met Ben, and then today happened, and... it's just a whole... mess, Minerva, I don't know what to do." You huffed, clearly distressed with the situation. You looked down at the floor, your cheeks flushing with embarrassment, too worked up to even look your colleague and former-professor in the eye. "I'm sorry, I know there's another situtation at hand and I shouldn't be bothering you with such... trivial things but..." As you looked up, a soft smile had made it's way onto her face. You were rather shocked to see that. You'd expected another disappointed frown.
"Y/N," Minerva said soothingly, placing a calming hand upon your frantic ones, "as much as I respect and admire Severus, I think you should focus on Benjamin." She sighed softly. "Save your heart. Severus will only break it." A sad smile crossed her features, almost like she knew how you felt. Your mouth was parted - mainly from shock. Perhaps you should listen to Minerva, she'd known Severus for much, much longer than you have. You didn't know what to say, so you only nodded, closing your mouth slowly. "Now, I have to find Albus. Will you make sure the greenhouses are safe?"
"Of course." You swallowed, a feeling of uncertainty settling upon you.
"Lumos." You muttered, aiming your wand in the darkened room, the reflections of your wand glittering against the mossy windows. Your eyes darted around the greenhouse, searching for any sign of Black having been inside or nearby.
Everything seemed to be as you'd left it. All of your assignments were in the correct place, no plants nor pots had been knocked over and broken... no signs of forced entry... A sigh of relief slipped out of you, your tense body relaxing. Though, before you got too comfortable, the sound of a twig snapping behind you reversed all indications of your relief.
"Jesus!" You cried out, whirling around like a bullet, your frightened eyes softening a tad as they fell upon a tall, cloaked figure - none other than Severus Snape. "Please, can you not do that?!" You sighed, a hand flying to your chest in a feeble attempt to settle your racing heart as your cheeks painted themselves pink.
An amused smirk tugged at Snape's lips as his hands were clasped behind his back, staring down at you. "And not witness the terrified look upon your face?" Severus quipped, clearly relishing in your entertaining reaction. "I must disagree."
"At least let me know you're there, I could have hurt you." You replied with a glare, looking up to see an incredulous brow cocked up on Severus's face. You rolled your eyes at him. "Okay, I wouldn't have hurt you, but still, just... tell me next time." You huffed, rather exhaustedly. "Why are you here anyway? Aren't you meant to be checking the dungeons?" 
"I did." Severus nodded, allowing his eyes to study your still-petrified, yet red face. You swallowed, feeling rather vulnerable under his gaze. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, debating whether to speak again. "I just wanted to make sure you were... alright."
"Oh," You choked, feeling like someone had just winded you. Did he really just say that? "I'm okay." You said, placing your wand back inside the pocket of your forest-green robes.
"I can see that." Severus muttered, blinking slowly at you. McGonagall's words uttered in your mind as you felt yourself becoming lost in his dark, black eyes once more.
'Save your heart. Severus will only break it.'
"We should head back." You cleared your throat as your soft voice pierced the blanket of silence that had fallen upon the two of you. "The greenhouses are clear. I doubt Black would choose to hide out here, it's not exactly... erm, tidy." An embarrassed grimace twisted your features as you glanced around the room.
"I don't suppose it helps when one is bombarded with... gifts." Severus said, spitting the last word out like it was poison. You glanced up at him, frowning.
"And what's wrong with that?" You folded your arms against your chest rather defensively.
"In my humble opinion," Severus gave a curt sigh through his nostrils, evidently disapproving of Ben's tendency to send you a copius amount of flowers amongst other things. "Few small, meaningful gifts are far more superior than a prolific amount of materialistic gifts." He finished, sneering slightly at the wilting flowers that were dotted around your greenhouse, all adorned with different handwritten notes. Inside, you agreed with Snape, and you wished that that was the case with Ben, but he just seemed to think that throwing gold and flowers at you would keep you interested. Of course, you didn't mind him sending you such things, you were grateful, but it was getting a little tiresome. 
"Just because you don't get any." You teased, trying to hide the cheeky smile that tugged at your lips. Severus's head snapped to yours, an icy glare piercing your soul. You shivered slightly, a little sheepish as his sharp eyes dug into yours.
"I don't need gifts to satisfy my ego." He quipped, turning his nose up at you. Clearly, he didn't appreciate your light-hearted joke.
"Right, because talking down on people does that for you." You retorted, narrowing your eyes at Severus. Your patience was thin today, obviously.
"You seem to have grown a backbone, Y/N." Severus stepped towards you.
"I need one with you." You huffed, turning away from him. Severus watched curiously as you stepped away from him, his eyes trailing down your back, silently admiring your robes. He couldn't help but notice how pretty you looked in green. He thought it suited you better than your usual yellow and black. Perhaps he was just being selfish, imagining you in his House colour.
"Are you quite done?" Severus voiced. You cast a confused glance at him.
"With?" You frowned, cocking a brow expectantly.
"Having a tantrum." He replied, infamously cocking his brow at you.
"You're joking, right?" You scoffed at him, taking the bait like a fool. You turned yourself around to face him. "I made a lighthearted joke and you took it personally." The corners of his lips tugged upwards slightly in amusement. At this point it was too easy for him to wind you up. "What are you smiling about?" You stepped towards him, challenging him. He was getting underneath your skin.
"It's a pity that big mouth of yours doesn't match up with your brain." Severus said languidly, his deep voice sending a shockwave through your body. You had to swallow to compose yourself as your stomach began to tingle. He stood motionless in front of you, his hands still clasped behind his back, though you were blind to the fact that he was currently squeezing them harder the closer you got.
"Big mouth?" A gasp fell from your lips as you stared up at Severus, your eyes narrowing into a glare. "That's rich coming from you." You retorted, feeling your cheeks grow hot as you held his gaze. His lips twisted into a smirk as he closed the space between you with another step, that familiar smell of him overwhelming you.
"Is it?" Severus challenged you, silently enjoying your vain show of determination. He set his shoulders back as he stared down at you with scrutinising eyes, studying every inch of your pinkening face. He was getting a reaction out of you, and he was loving it.
"Yes." You panted. At this point, you were so worked up and distracted by his words and luscious scent that you hadn't noticed how unravelled you'd become. Your chest was heaving, breaths quiet and deep, your cheeks flushed unashamedly. You were a breathless mess. Your body was begging for Severus at this point. You were desperate for him to touch it, to even just lay a finger on it- anything. You had to relieve this ache.
"Please, enlighten me, Y/N." Severus whispered, leaning in towards you. A growl bubbled in your throat as you glared at him, your irked eyes boring into his. You were so tense and wound up that you couldn't talk. Your words were so jumbled together that you just couldn't form a coherent sentence without embarrassing yourself. "Hmm," Severus hummed, tilting his head at you, as if he was analysing you like an equation. "Didn't think so." He added smugly, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards.
"You're such an arsehole." You exhaled, shoving him with a flat palm. He didn't budge. Instead, his hand flew to your wrist, gripping it like an iron vice. Your eyes widened as Severus's once-smirking lips fell into a serious, flat line, his eyes burning.
"Weren't you taught that you mustn't... touch... what... isn't... yours?" Severus tutted, articulating each syllable with a hint of venom. You wished that wasn't the case, but in this world, you rarely get what you want. 
You clenched your jaw at Severus, tugging at your wrist in a vain attempt to free it. His grasp tightened, and you balled your fist. "Let go." You whispered as he tugged you towards him, just mere milimeters separating your bodies. Severus's eyes burned into yours, your body betraying you as it erupted into goosebumps; his face dangerously close to yours once more.
"Where are your manners?" Severus whispered back harshly, his hot breath dancing across your face once more, teasing you. You let your eyes flick between his, hesitating as they dropped down his face, eyeing his lips.
"Perhaps you need to teach me some." You taunted, breathless, your mind jaded. Not one appropriate thought was racing through your mind right now. Severus's brow quirked at your reply, quite obviously taken aback.
"An insufferable brat like you is unteachable." Severus spat back, baring his teeth. The insult didn't do it's job of hurting you, rather, it... aroused you. Your bodies were grazing against one another now, and the way his chest was scraping against yours was sending you into overdrive.
"You wanna bet?" You growled as he released your wrist after one more relentless tug from you. Severus kept his arm raised for a moment, his palm splayed as he glared down at you, your noses almost as close as they were just hours ago. Silence encased the two of you again, only your irregular, ragged breathing being the one thing that the two of you could hear. He was the first to break it.
Gods, you were so close. At this very moment, you had no care left inside of you. You were shameless for him. You couldn't hold yourself back anymore.
After several insufferable seconds, you threw your lips against his; the electric jolt that shot through you almost unbearable as a stifled moan slipped from your lips. A muffled grunt growled at the back of Severus's throat as his hands flew to your hips, kissing you back with such thirst and force you were worried he'd leave bruises around your mouth. His long, slender fingers dug into your clothed flesh like the desperation of a starved man as he pulled you taut against him, his left hand gliding down your arm to grasp messily at your hands, guiding them to sit around his neck. You allowed your fingers to comb through his thick, raven locks; nails grating at his scalp, prompting a delectable, throaty groan from him. Your legs tingled at the sultry noise. The rough, black buttons of his frock dug into your bared chest as he hauled you closer with greedy hands, the coarse texture scraping against your skin, bound to leave thin red scratches across your breast. A strangled cry fell from your lips as Severus teethed your bottom lip, playfully pulling at it. He released it and pressed another heated, sloppy kiss against your swollen mouth, your lids fluttering as you felt yourself melt into his addictive touch.
Severus pulled away from you, a begging whine falling from your lips. "So needy." He teased, breath hot and dangerous.
"Shut up." You muttered through gritted teeth, pulling him back onto you, your body igniting once more his lips met yours.
Pressing your aching body against his, Severus's cold hand slipped up to the back of your hot neck and brought your face impossibly closer to his; your spine aflame as delicious chills shot down it. With burning lungs, you parted your lips, darting your wet tongue into his mouth. Severus let out a heavenly whimper as your tongue licked against his, sending a rush of blazing heat through his shuddering body. Suddenly, he was pushing you backwards, lips still locked in a ferocious fight as the backs of your thighs hit the edge of your desk. Severus's hands swiftly slid from your waist and hooked themselves beneath your bum, inducing a breathy gasp to fall out of you as he lifted you up onto the wooden desk, the two of you disregarding everything that lay upon it. Including handwritten notes from Ben. You felt him smirk against your quivering mouth at the sensual noise that left you, clearly proud at what a panting, desperate mess he'd made you.
As he shuffled you onto the desk, your back knocked over a silver candle holder.
"Careful." You whispered against him, your eyes opening to shoot him a warning glare, though a hint of playfulness was hidden within your lustful voice.
"Shut up." Severus demanded, ultimately silencing you as he forced his mouth on yours, drowning you with his devilish tongue.
Your hands snaked down from the smooth skin of his neck, heading towards his chest, fingers clamping around the edges of his black cloak. Tugging him closer, you laid back on your desk with interlocked lips and Severus gladly obliged, leaning over you, planting a steadying hand beside your head. His other hand caressed your waist in a back-and-forth manner, feeling you, sending your body into a frenzy. Your wet, bruised lips fought against his, noses pressing into each other's cheeks. He pulled another moan from you as he gently brushed his hand against the side of your breast, teasing you.
Before Severus could trace his fingers down your middle, the crack of a branch in the distance ripped the two of you from your intense, sweaty encounter. Immediately, you and Severus pulled away from each other's faces with an audible, wet smooch, the both of you glancing to the source of the noise; breaths still heavy, hands still glued to one another's bodies intimately.
"What was that?" You whispered, fingers tightening around the silky material of his cloak. Instinctively, Severus's hand tensed around you protectively as he let his eyes search the dark; foggy mind racing.
"I don't know," He whispered back, turning back to look at you underneath him after he deemed it safe. You looked ethereal. Your hair was messily splayed-out behind your head, parts of it drooping over the opposite edge of the desk he was leant over. Your cheeks were red and flushed, lips swollen and pink, almost bruised from how harshly Severus had attacked them. After several seconds of admiring his work, he spoke. "Look at you," he hummed, a dangerous smirk painting his face, "what a beautiful mess." He let his eyes rake over your shuddering body, lingering on the red marks that scattered your bare chest. If possible, you blushed harder, your hands reluctantly flying up to fold against you, framing your breasts almost perfectly. Severus bit back a groan. "We should head back, I wouldn't want the others to think Black had had his way with you."
You rolled your eyes at him, a little irked. He'd learned perfectly well how to get under your skin. "What, you don't think I can hold my own against him?"
"Certainly not." Severus answered simply, stepping back from you and offering a hand to help you up. You wanted to protest against his answer, however, you knew he was right. There was no way you could fend off Sirius Black of all wizards. You'd just become another statistic to him. As you took Severus's hand and slipped off of the desk in one swoop, his eyes fell on the notes from Ben that you'd been laid upon. He let out a disapproving hum. You frowned and followed his eyes. Your stomach dropped and your body ran cold at the now slightly damaged notes.
"Shit." You exhaled as you stared down awkwardly at the ripped parchment.
"Shit, indeed." Severus repeated, side-eyeing you with a cocked brow. You glared at him. "Who would have thought, committing adultery with another professor at Hogwarts could be such an interesting feat?" He teased, stepping towards you, intentionally brushing his shoulder against yours.
You swallowed thickly, trying to ignore how close Severus was to you. "It's not like it was serious," You sighed curtly, running a stressed hand through your hair. "I mean, we've only been seeing each other for like, almost... four... months..." You trailed off, your shoulders feeling rather heavy as a strong wave of guilt flooded you. Were you really trying to justify your actions?
"Four months?" Severus sounded impressed.
"...Yes." You replied, avoiding his amused eyes. "You can wipe that smirk off your face right now." You scolded, casting a daring glance his way. For a moment, you admired how he looked - his hair was a little scruffy from where you'd had your hands buried in it, lips partially reddened from how you'd kissed him only moments ago. A hot blush took to your cheeks as you stared at him, your mind reeling back to how he'd grabbed you and pulled you so close against him, like he was scared you'd disappear into thin air.
"We can decide what to do later." Severus stated, slipped his wand from his sleeve and casting Lumos, illuminating the once-darkened greenhouse. "For now, let's return. I'm sure Minerva is wondering where we've disappeared to."
We? Did you hear him correctly?
Before you could question him, he already had his hand pressed against the small of your back, ushering you out of the greenhouse and back towards the castle entrance.
"I've searched the Astronomy Tower and the owlery, sir, but there's nothing there." Filch's decrepid-like voice came from in front of you as Severus escorted you into the Great Hall, his hand falling from your back as you neared Dumbledore and the other staff. You felt a little bummed at the loss of contact, but you didn't exactly want to out yourselves immediately. Speaking of that, you weren't even sure if anything was going to happen between you and Severus, maybe he'd change his mind again like he did last Christmas...
As you glanced around, you noticed every single student was asleep in the Hall, gentle snores slipping from their peaceful faces. You felt a little relieved that they were all safe and sound.
"Yes, the third floor is clear too, sir." Professor Flitwick said to Dumbledore, his beady eyes peering at the old man through his glasses. As the sound of yours and Severus's footsteps began to echo in the large hall, Flitwick turned, staring at the two of you. Clasping his hands together, he watched you and Severus stroll towards him.
"The greenhouses are empty as well, sir." You spoke, offering a polite smile to Flitwick. He happily returned it, averting his attention back to Dumbledore.
"Very good, thank you." Dumbledore acknowledged you with a small smile as you reached him. You stopped just beside Flitwick, your stomach flipping as Severus continued passed you. His addicting scent glided along with him, a pink tinge staining your cheeks as you inhaled. You turned away from Flitwick, afraid he'd notice your poorly-hidden reaction.
Severus was next to speak as he halted himself beside Dumbledore. "And I've done the dungeons, Headmaster, no sign of Black, nor anywhere else in the castle." He said, his deep baritone ruffling your feathers. You cleared your throat, quietly, glancing away from him. You could hardly control yourself right now. That moment in your greenhouse had really messed with your self-control. Severus glanced at you sideways, a tiny smirk picking at his lips. He must have noticed your crumbling composure.
Flitwick eyed the two of you, a perplexed expression crossing his features.
"I didn't really expect him to linger." Dumbledore replied, hooking Severus's attention from you. Flitwick used this moment to slip away to keep a watchful eye over the slumberous students.
"Remarkable feat, don't you think? To enter Hogwarts on one's own... completely undetected?" The Potions Master drawled as he and Dumbledore began to slowly walk forwards. You caught up to them and settled yourself beside Severus, sheepishly glancing up at him, your hands settling in front of your hips. He glimpsed at you, cocking a brow questioningly, a tingling sensation building in your stomach as you stared up at him.
"Quite remarkable, yes." The Headmaster agreed, his hands floating behind his back, subsiding as they intertwined themselves. The three of you continued walking between the rows upon rows of sleeping students, your shoulders brushing against Severus's now and again.
"Any ideas on how he might've managed it?" You asked quietly, your voice curious but concerned. Dumbledore glanced at you with his wise eyes, rather surprised at you. When the older wizard was around, you tended you keep quiet. However, with Severus beside you, a newfound confidence had arisen within you.
"Many. Each as unlikely as the next." He replied, turning back to focus on the path in front of him.
Severus spoke again, his voice rattling you. It felt as if someone had let off a grand show of fireworks in your chest. "You may recall, prior to the start of term I did express concerns about your appointment of Professor Lupin-"
Dumbledore quickly interrupted him, his voice strict and unforgiving. "Not a single professor inside this castle would help Sirius Black to enter it," he said, looking to Severus, "no, I'm quite convinced this castle is safe, and I'm more than willing to send the students back to their houses." You glanced away for a moment, zoning out as you glazed over the large stained window that had the crest of all four houses set within it. Your eyes lingered on Slytherin and Hufflepuff, flicking between them thoughtfully. Could a Slytherin and Hufflepuff truly work together?
As you'd stopped to admire the window, Dumbledore and Severus had continued on forwards. You stood still, your eyes falling onto Severus's tall, black cloaked figure, a deep sigh leaving your nostrils. Was this a good idea? Crossing the line with a colleague? Or was this a recipe for disaster? You wanted it to work out, but you had your doubts. Minerva's words were etched deep into your mind, and they slowly slithered out of the woodworks, chanting in your head tauntingly.
'I'm not sure you're aware of just how far his trauma goes.'
'Save your heart. Severus will only break it.'
'Focus on Benjamin.'
Oh, Merlin, Ben.
What were you going to do about him...? Do you tell him you kissed Severus? Do you just break it off silently? No, he deserves to know. You needed to be an adult and admit to your wrongs, whether it made you look like a sack of shit or not. You'd made your bed, and now you had to lie in it.
Just as you were going to return to Severus's side, a familiar voice called your name.
"Y/N!"
You turned around, your head snapping towards the voice like a bolt of lightning. All colour had drained from your face as your widened eyes became glued onto the one person you did not want to see right now.
Ben jogged towards you, a worried expression twisting his features.
No, please, no, not right now. This could not be happening right now...
talk about perfect timing, hey?
sorry this was such a short chapter!! i wanted to make it longer, but what better than to keep you in suspense? i hope you have partly forgiven me for this chapter... </3
let me know what you thought!! your replies on the previous chapter had me rolling omfg.
daily reminder that i love you all and to make sure you are taking care of yourselves!! thank you all so much for your continued support, it really means a lot to me, and i hope i am doing this story justice, i have- well, had a plan, but it's sort of gone a different way... however, i’m liking it. :) i hope you are too!
Part 11!
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emerald-taur · 19 days
Text
A rose for Valentines Day 🌹
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~ Paring: Jenna Ortega x reader
~ Summary:
You were ditched by your girlfriend on your first Valentine's Day .
~ Warnings: Drama
~ word count: 2K
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This blog is an 18+ blog. minors or ageless blogs will be blocked without further notice. read at your own risk.
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The rain poured relentlessly outside, You were trudged wearily along the dimly lit hallway of your apartment building. Each step weighed heavily on your tired legs. burdened by exhaustion. You lend on the wall beside me.
Feeling a vibration from your pocket, you reached inside and retrieved your phone, fingers fumbling momentarily before grasping it firmly. With a quick glance at the screen, you saw her message waiting for you to open and read It.
Can we talk ? -J
Reading her message, you could only question what she wanted to talk about, how she ditched me on Valentine's Day, or how she manipulated me into believing it was all your fault. You couldn't help but laugh in disgust. With a sense of bitter resignation, you closed your lookscreen and slid the phone back into your pocket.
Seeing your apartment before you, you felt relieved to finally reach it. Entering, you hastily took off your jacket and made your way into the bedroom to change your clothes, eager to shed the weight of the day off your shoulders.
Without a second thought, you let your bed swallow you, surrendering to its comforting embrace. You close your eyes ,allowing your brain and mind to finally rest.
Opening your eyes the next morning, a sense of uneasiness settled in the pit of my stomach.
Your telephone nagged with its ringing tone, the caller ID displaying the same number as last night. With a sense of apprehension, you chose to ignore it, not ready to confront her again.
With your day planned ahead, you moved to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and brew a pot of coffee, tasting the warm drink you feeled at ease for a moment .
Finishing the last sip of your coffee, the sound of knocking echoed through the apartment, interrupting your quiet morning. You make your way to the door, heart pounding in anticipation of the unknown visitor, feeling to know the knock.
Standing before the door, it knocked again, prompting you to open it. To your surprise, it wasn't who you expected. Not Jenna , it was Emma, her friend, and also the person she had ditched me for on Valentine's Day.
"What do you want ?"
"Jenna called you ."
Wow, she is really something...
"Yeah I know "
"You didn't answer . Why ?"
"You sure know you were with her yesterday !?"
"I was but not like you think , please talk with her."
"Look, Emma, I never cared about Valentine but jenna was so excited to spend it with me made all those plans just so she can ditch me in the end and then when I call her she just says: ,,I'm sorry y/n but I can't tell you why,,.
With a firm tone, you told her to leave, watching as she walked back to her car with a defeated demeanor, resembling a sad toddler being sent away.
Determined not to dwell on Jenna any longer, you gathered your things and left your apartment, venturing out to the nearest store to do your shopping. Along with groceries, you added a bottle of wine to your basket, a small indulgence to accompany you through the day ahead.
As you approached your apartment building, burdened with two bags of groceries and a bottle of wine, your heart sank at the sight of her car parked outside. It sat ominously by the walkway, a stark reminder of her presence.
Drawing closer, you saw her standing outside your door, her appearance a stark contrast to the vibrant woman you once knew. Her hair was a mess , her face pale, her all over pallid complexion made her look like a ghost a far from her usual stylish and modern self. She was dressed casually, not in her usual attire, wearing simple joggers instead.
When she caught sight of me, she swiftly turned and hastened towards me, blocking your path and preventing you from passing beside her.
As she reached out and took your hand, her fingers intertwining with yours, you couldn't help but notice that the touch felt just as it always did – soft, yet brimming with love and familiarity. Despite everything, the connection between us remained a testament to the depth of our shared love.
As she looked into your eyes, you found yourself captivated once more by the depth of her gaze. Her deep blue eyes shimmered with a subtle green light, drawing you in like a mesmerizing stary sky. Unable to resist, you allowed yourself to fall into their depths, losing myself in the comfort they offered once again.
"Y/n, please let me talk to you ."
"Jenna .... , what .. I .." You didn't know how to react , seeing her, it was too much .
"I know your ,- you don't want to see me but let me talk ."
She's right. You don't want to see her, but you still love her and maybe she had a good reason , ... to not talk to me or let me know she can't make it ... bacouse she's with Emma .... OK maybe not .
But you wanted to hear what she believed could possibly make things right between us.
Going inside, you opened the door wider and gestured for her to come inside, making a mental note to put the bags away before sitting at the couch.
And even if you're mad, there was a part of me that needed closure, an explanation for all of this.
As Jenna sat beside you, you couldn't ignore the familiar pull to draw you closer to her. It was a sensation you rarely experienced with others, as you typically avoided closeness even with your own family. Yet, with Jenna, it felt different. From the very beginning, she had been the exception, the only one who could break your defenses and make me feel safe in her presence. Despite the turmoil between us, that sense of comfort and safety remained, urging me to lean into her warmth once more.
As you glanced at Jenna, you could sense that she was experiencing the same internal struggle. Her fingers twitched slightly, longing to reach out for mine, and her body leaned unconsciously towards your side.
"Jenna talk ....."
"Ah yeah ....,- yesterday wasn't planned like that."
"Yeah, I know that ..." You answered, rolling your eyes.
"Okay, can I tell you what happened...,- and please believe me."
" Jenna, I know you never lie to me ."
Even if you're mad, that's the truth she never did lie once to you .
You kept quitting and listened attentively as Jenna began to recount what had happened yesterday, the day when you eagerly awaited her arrival with a smile in your heart and on your face.
As Jenna talked, you listened intently, feeling a pang of regret for the missed opportunity to share your first Valentine's Day together. She explained how she had been on her way to your apartment, filled with excitement, only needing to make one last stop to get the final piece for your evening together.
Wanting the day to perfect , showing her eagerness to make your first Valentine's Day memorable.
As Jenna continued her story, she explained how, while on her way to you with the final item in hand, she received a call from Emma. Emma called her asking for Jenna's presence, talking about an emergency . With hesitation, Jenna had called you, informing me that she would be late, unaware that she wouldn't make it at all.
The emergency she had rushed to was a crash on the movie set where Emma was working. An important prop had been lost, threatening to delay the completion of the film's final scene. Jenna, being the only one having a similar prop from previous sets and offering Emma to bring it over to help her.
As Jenna's explaned, you couldn't help but feel a mixture of admiration and understanding.
While she was on set, another issue arose—she wasn't the only one they called.
"Oh hey Jenna , what are you doing here ? , shouldn't you be with your girl ?"
She was still upset; she had shown interest in you and planned to make a move, but when I acted first, she became sour. She's not a pleasant person, so I wouldn't let that happen.
Now that she's lost, she's behaving as if you mean nothing to her, taht you annoy her, which is quite hypocritical considering her previous interest.
Jenna decided not to waste any time, so Jenna walked up behind her, handed the prop to Emma, and left.
When Jenna reached her car, it didn't go on, and there was nobody else available to fix the issue, so Jenna had to wait for them to finish acting before there mechanic tram could address it.
Waiting for them, she came over to me speaking another sentence: "Maybe I should spend Valentine's Day with her; we could even spend the night in the bedroom." She laughed in response.
Jenna was furious, and they began to argue heatedly, with no physical altercations, but plenty of shouting.
When the team came to stop the confrontation when they had both finished arguing, they instructed Emma to take Jenna away to her trailer to diffuse the situation.
That's when you called, and she told you she couldn't talk right now due to the situation.
When the car was fixed and she left the set, it was already too late, and you weren't picking up the phone anymore.
Listening to the entire story, you came to understand her perspective. Seeing the pictures online of her with Emma after she left you alone, it wasn't what you had assumed. Perhaps those online ships and speculations had clouded your mind.
" I'm sorry, Jenna. I don't know what to say it seemed so different yesterday. I was so mad , I- I'm sorry ."
Jenna shook her head, allowing her body to relax, and silently asked with her eyes if everything was alright.
As an answer, you hugged her tightly, finding comfort in her embrace as she always made me feel safe. You realized how much you had missed her.
Jenna was relieved that you finally listened to her side of the story. She wasn't angry because she understood how overwhelming fans can be, and she empathized, imagining herself in your shoes. She admitted feeling jealous when this ....... on set said something about you with her and knowing that if she saw a picture of you together with that girl, she would feel sour as well.
When the hug ended, she surprised me by kissing me on the lips. But feeling the softness and sweetness of her kiss flooded me with happiness once more.
Reflecting on the situation, you realized it was foolish to ever think of letting her go. Even if she had made a mistake, you would have preferred to accept her apology rather than live without her.
She pulled back, a wide smile stretching from ear to ear on her face.
"Now, since yesterday was nothing to remember your first Valentine 's, let me make today our Valentine's Day."
You returned her smile, nodding in agreement, your own grin matching hers.
Now, you may wonder what you did next. First, she took you to eat at a different restaurant, promising that the food would be just as good. Then, we went back to her place and watched a movie—not just any movie, but the one where you first met on the premiere night. You won a ticket and accidentally bumped into her.
Since then, it's been our movie, even if she cringes at seeing herself on screen.
In the evening, she took me stargazing. She knows how much you love the stars, and she even took the time to learn a few constellations to show them to you. It was incredibly sweet of her.
As she showed me my favorite constellation, she turned to me, her eyes sparkling in the moonlight.
"Jenna, I have one question left."
"Mh, was it?"
"What was that ,thing, you got ?"
She laughed softly and took a small case out of her pocket. She opened the case, revealing a chain shaped like a rose. Engraved on the backside was the date you met at the primäre.
"I know you didn't want roses for Valentine because they won't last long and are expensive, but I brought you another rose."
"Jenna, it's beautiful." You were so overwhelmed you almost cried.
You got a Rose on Valentines Day from the best Valentine you ever had and will have.
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auspicioustidings · 4 months
Note
141 fighting each other to be the one whose lap reader sits on during a meeting or smth
CONGRATS ON 1kkkk
Thanks <3 Please find silly nonsense below!
Tomfoolery Senses
Words: 1k
CWs: Slightly spicy but nothing explicit
Honestly you shouldn’t even be on base, not with your knee being how it was. It was annoying as hell that the recovery time meant you were out of the field for the foreseeable, but they still needed you. You may not be able to run around with a gun right now, but tactical was always your strong point anyway so for now you attended meetings and made plans.
You walked into one such meeting and your tomfoolery senses immediately went off. There were too many glinting eyes for them not to have pulled something, and when you went to sit down you nearly laughed out loud at the bloody audacity. No empty seats. Strange since there should be some, almost as if someone had relocated them beforehand specifically for some ridiculous purpose.
“Ye can sit here bonnie!”
It took a moment for your brain to catch up. Soap was very much patting his lap in excitement. The last time you had ended up in that man's lap his hand had wandered during the entire meeting. You recalled being a mess by the end of it and Soap being very much like the cat who got the cream about it because he knew it meant when he followed to your room like a puppy you would let him in.
“Move your arse MacTavish, I’m injured and I need the seat.”
“Wouldnae dream of it! As ye’ll recall, I also have a dodgy knee. Only right for us tae stick together.”
“Surely you’re not asking them to sit on your dodgy knee then Johnny? Come on sweetheart, right here.”
You gave Ghost a bemused look. Soap you expected this from, but him? Actually no, you had very much been overwatch for 141 missions, this is exactly the kind of nonsense you expected of this idiot.
“Now I would love to, but weren’t you just telling me about your bad back? I seem to remember something about needing me to massage it. It would be irresponsible of me to risk making it worse.”
“Your massage fixed it right up actually" he replied, large hand patting thick thigh in further invitation.
You rolled your eyes. Your “massage” had lasted about a minute with you sincerely giving it your best effort before he had pinned you down and given you a very thorough massaging of his own. Only that one had done the opposite of fixing your back, if anything you'd say he had in fact blown it out.
“That so? You were complaining about it right before they walked in” Gaz said, smug as anything even while Ghost glared over at him.
“He's a lying git luv, obviously just looking to get a gorgeous thing in his lap. My lap, however, is neutral.”
You knew for a fact his lap was not neutral, not one bit. His lap was very much the kind of lap that you found yourself bouncing on anytime he got you alone and charmed you right into it. You could be in the middle of a training exercise, fully in the zone, and next thing you knew you were stuffed full of Kyle bloody Garrick in the middle of a safehouse where anyone could wander in at any moment. It wasn't like you were a big risk taker, but he could make you think anything was a good idea.
“A veritable Switzerland I'm sure.”
“Safest place to be really.”
“Look me in the eye and say that with a straight face then.”
Soap and Ghost groaned in tandem as you made the mistake of looking at Gaz. That bloody sunshine smile could sell ice in the Arctic and as such everyone usually avoided eye contact when they knew he wanted something. Charisma score above 20 that boy. Honestly these fuckers were the worst, but oh Gaz's big brown eyes were just smiling so gently at you and surely he would never do anything untoward. How could you look at this man and think he would ever manipulate you?
“Corporal, come ‘ere, that's an order.”
Gaz's sunshine expression turned to one of wry disbelief. He had been so close, you had been about to take a step towards him. It was awfully unsportsmanlike for Price to pull rank, something Gaz would be holding against him.
“So much for honour.”
“Cheeky fucker.”
“Just taking the piss Captain.”
It wasn't completely unfounded for Price to use his rank to get what he wanted when it came to you, it was why usually the others would try to get you away from him. Ghost did it sometimes too if he wasn't there and the Sergeants were. Although he didn't use it quite as thoroughly as Price did once he got you alone. The Captain was always happy to give you orders if only so he could punish you when you bit back, which you did often. Not because you enjoyed the punishment, that certainly wasn't it. You could not supply another reason, but that was besides the point.
“Well I suppose I have to since you're the Captain, unless there was someone that technically had more authority to give me orders” you said with a grin.
“Come on now pet, don't be like that, just come sit and we can start the meeting hm?” he said, using that voice that was right in the middle of soothing dominance and rough command in a last ditch effort.
“Of course Captain, just want to clear it with command first.”
Price sighed, glancing over and seeing that he had lost the fight when he was met with Kate's sly little smile. She was often your saviour when it came to these men. It helped that her and her lovely wife were both sweet on you. They had invited you round for dinner once or twice, and suffice to say the very delicious home cooked meals were not the only thing getting eaten. If there was one thing the men in the 141 hated more than losing to one another, it was losing to Laswell. She was always so annoyingly smug about being your favourite.
As you settled right down in her lap and both the meeting and Kate's hands gently massaging at your waist started, the 141 collectively thought that next time they'd better bring you a damn chair.
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Text
I've got you.
Azriel x f!Reader
Request; Right now I'm kinda going mad because of uni and I came up with this idea of the reader that is like studying something to help the inner circle, but she can't find anything (or whatever came up to your mind love) and Az, her mate, try to reassure her with cuddle/kisses and lot of fluff.
Warnings; Mentions of potential death, reader feels useless
Masterlist.
Hope this is what you had in mind love <3
The words on the tenth book you were currently reading seemed like foreign symbols, your brain had turned into a mush and you groaned as you massaged your temples. Nesta’s powers disappeared when she saved Feyre from death and everyone worried that it might have an impact on her health, thus you were searching every book you could find. Rhys and Feyre wanted to help but they were preoccupied by Nyx and everyone else made sure they were safe and handled the matters of the court.  
“Come on, you can finish the book” you whispered to yourself and flinched when a deep chuckle sounded from behind you. 
“You should take a break angel” your mate’s velvety voice filled your ears and you smiled softly. He moved closer and placed those beautiful scarred hands on your shoulders massaging them. 
“I can’t stop now, I haven’t found anything and we don’t know how much time we have if it actually messes with Nesta’s health” you said and your bottom lip trembled. Nesta managed to become one of your dearest friends and just the thought of something happening to her made you want to rip your hair off. The fact that you couldn’t find something to help her broke your heart in million pieces. 
“Calm down angel, we don’t know if she is in trouble for sure, maybe that’s why you can’t find anything” he said softly and pulled your chair back, he marked the page of the book and picked you up. 
“Everything’s going to be alright” he murmured in your hair and sat on the armchair next to the big window of the study. 
“I’ve read ten books and I can’t find anything. I feel so useless right now” you confessed and hid your face in his neck. 
“You’re not useless baby, you are the only one who’s trying to find something about the situation.” He paused for a second “I think that this makes everyone else useless.” 
You shook your head with a smile “don’t say that, you’re all busy” 
“We are but that doesn’t change that you are researching without any help. Give yourself some credit and take some time to relax before you burn your sneaky brain”  he pinched your side and you gasped. 
“Stop” you whined and hugged him harder making him chuckle and kiss the top of your head. Two cups of tea appeared on the coffee table next to you and Azriel hummed, he picked one and pinched your side again to make you look. 
“I’ll return to my book if you keep this up” you feigned an annoyed expression and he smirked.
“No you will do no such thing, this is Azriel time and I’m not sharing” he scolded. 
You took the cup from him and leaned back on his chest, peeking at the view outside and enjoying his warmth. Azriel was staring outside while his hand rubbed soothing circles on your back. 
After a while you sighed and looked at him 
“I have to continue…” you trailed off with a sad smile. 
“Let me help you” he smiled and carried you to the table. 
You spent the rest of the day checking every book, even Azriel’s shadows started flipping through books.
“They can read?” You asked.
“I don’t even know anymore, they surprise me every day” he shrugged.
You kept huffing and puffing, moving from one book to another trying to make some sense but nothing. Azriel looked frustrated too and even his shadows slithered back to him looking defeated. Your eyelids started dropping and you blinked, you couldn’t stop now. You picked another book and started reading. 
You felt something cold touching your back and you hissed.
“Shh it’s okay I’ve got you” Azriel whispered, you opened your eyes and realized that he had carried you to bed. He stripped his clothes and lied next to you, pulling you on his chest and letting a sigh. 
“Get some sleep angel, tomorrow we will continue the research together” he murmured and kissed your head. 
The next day you managed to find a book with a similar story, thankfully the fae who gave away his powers survived and you both cheered and walked hand in hand to the dining room to inform everyone. 
Just before you entered the dining room you glanced at Azriel with a lovesick smile 
“What would I do without you”
Hope you enjoyed it!
@hauntedwitch04
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rancidpancakebatter · 2 months
Text
For Him - [P.P.]
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Pairings: Peter Parker x Depressed!Reader
Summary: You were fine. He doesn’t understand. You were fine. You had been a little distant lately, but he had learned that was a pattern for you. When the months got colder and the nights got longer, you needed an adjustment period. Your space would get messy, and your naps would get longer. But you were always fine. 
Word Count: 7.0k
Content: THIS FIC IS CENTERED AROUND A DEPRESSIVE EPISODE. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA CONSUMTION.
Depression, language, Mentions of self-harm, Mentions of suicide ideation, friends to...open to being more?, Whump comfort, No actual harm comes to the reader, Happy Ending
( Masterlist )
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A/N: I'm trying to get back into writing (I know I've said that before) and while my series are on pause, I've been trying to get back into a schedule with it. This piece is very personal to me and is very much something I wrote for myself. I'm sharing this only because I hope it can bring others the comfort it brought me. Or something close to it.
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“Peter- Peter, please fix it!” Peter watched you helplessly as you continued to sob. 
Your cries ripped from your chest, and you wished to reach inside the fresh gashes, grasp your heart, and grind it to dust. Anything to make it stop. It felt as if the tissue of your cardiac muscle was pulling itself apart, each painful pump shredding the fragile tissue further. You weren’t sure how much more you could take- how many beats you had left in you. You felt delirious. 
It’s common knowledge that when your body is going through immense pain, such as breaking a bone, it goes into shock. Your sympathetic nervous system shuts off momentarily because your brain makes the executive decision that you can’t handle it. You wondered how much pain you could withstand before your body tapped out. 
Everything was too much. Your brain couldn’t keep up. Neither could Peter. He watched on in horror as you screamed, clawing at the carpet, pushing your face into the ground, cradling your stomach, and rolling back and forth. 
You were fine. He doesn’t understand. You were fine. You had been a little distant lately, but he had learned that was a pattern for you. When the months got colder and the nights got longer, you needed an adjustment period. Your space would get messy, and your naps would get longer. But you were always fine. 
You had been ghosting Peter for six days (after two weeks of not seeing each other and you flaking on plans), and he had had enough. In his line of work, he tended to worry, however irrational that worry was, it was still there, palpable. You hadn’t been to class all week, he went to your job to surprise you, but you weren’t there either. He thought maybe you were upset with him, but the nagging thoughts racing through his mind couldn’t let you be. If something was wrong, he needed to know. 
Peter has had a key to your place since you moved in. He was the only person you trusted, and you knew that sometimes he hated going home, finding it hard to leave “work” at work. You loved that your apartment was a safe place for him. Somewhere, he could rest his head and forget, for a moment, about Spider-Man and return to Peter Parker.
To say your place was a mess was an understatement. You were respectfully tidy; your space consistently looked lived-in, as opposed to Harry’s place, which always looked like a catalogue. 
The smell of rotting food triggered his gag reflex momentarily. He soon got his bearings and saw dishes piled everywhere; the full plates looked almost untouched. Various fast food containers littered every surface. Clothes were draped over random furniture, and he could smell you too. He didn’t smell your strawberry shampoo and cocoa butter lotion but rather sweat and musk. 
He entered cautiously, calling out to you, but heard no response. He surveyed his surroundings, looking for any possible distress. He worried for a minute that his Spidey-Sense™ wasn’t working. Obviously, something was wrong, but his sixth sense remained dormant in his nerves. 
Then he heard it, breathing, a heartbeat. He moved in its direction, slowly approaching the couch. Curled up in a ball, you lay there, surrounded by malodorous clutter. You looked very uncomfortable slotting yourself between mounds of tupperware and dirty clothes. He called out to you again but got no response. 
He lept over the back of the couch, landing in front of you, disregarding anything in his path. He brought a hand to your face and the other to your exposed wrist, checking for a pulse. You turned your face away from him, and he felt a rush of emotions surge through him. 
Firstly, he was elated: you were alive, your pulsed drummed with the precision of a seasoned battlefield drummer, and you didn’t seem to have a fever or show any other indications of illness. 
Secondly, he was angry: he hadn’t heard from you in a week, but he sees your phone on the floor in front of him. You were trying to move away from his touch as if his hand on your face was the broccoli your mother demanded you eat before leaving the table. And when he called to you, you didn’t respond- despite very obviously being awake. 
Then, he was worried: he watched as your fingers trembled, your hand limp as he held your wrist. You looked dull, as if someone had turned down your saturation, drowning you out in the background of surrounding hues. Your eyes were glassy, seemingly unfocused as you stared ahead. You looked despondent, a husk of his dear friend. 
He called out to you again, and you let out a small whimper. He was beginning to panic. You, on the other hand, were trying to find the will. The will to care, to respond, to look at him, to live. 
“(Y/n), can you hear me?” again, you gave him nothing, and he felt panic rise in him again. 
“(Y/n), come on, you gotta give me some sign of life.” You focused all of your energy, fighting desperately against your brain, and blinked, long and slow. 
“Was that on purpose? Was that your response?” You blinked again, and Peter felt his chest tighten. 
“Are you okay? You’re freaking me out, Bubs.” You blinked twice, and Peter stopped for a moment. 
“Is two blinks a ‘no’?” You blinked again. 
Peter ran a hand through his hair, and you realised he was stressed. You wanted to care so badly. Your friend was hurting, and it was your fault, and you couldn’t even care. Some friend you are. Peter deserved someone better, someone who could be there for him, someone who didn’t completely fall apart when the world became too heavy, someone who could convince themselves that breathing was a good thing. You felt someone shaking you. 
“Hey! (Y/n), come back to me, buddy!” You blinked again, and the shaking stopped, but you could still feel his eyes boring into you. 
“I asked if you were on drugs. Are you overdosing right now?” You blinked twice. You were feeling tired again. How ridiculous that you can lay here all day, but having to blink is too exhausting? You let out a yawn, and Peter relaxes some. 
“(Y/n), can you try and talk to me? I’m freaking out here.” With a great amount of effort, you opened your mouth. 
“I’m sorry.”
It was barely audible; your voice croaked due to its inactivity. You blinked a few times, forcing yourself to look at him. His brows were furrowed, and his eyes were wet. You had done that. The ache in your bones grew and spread at the realisation. Peter just shook his head. 
“I don’t need you to be sorry; you need to tell me what’s going on.”
To anyone else, he would have sounded cold, but you knew this tone. Peter was working a case, searching for clues, answers. You were dealing with Spider-man. You felt bad that you had drawn that out of him, that he was so distressed he had to put on his suit of armour. 
How could you tell him? There was nothing going on. Not one thing, at least. It was a bunch of small things that you were handling like a baby. Your parents were upset with you, your grades were slipping, your job was stressful, you were constantly fatigued, and everything just felt like so much work. Work that you didn’t sign up for. Work that you were done doing. 
“(Y/n), what’s going on?”
He hadn’t meant to raise his voice at you, but he was growing annoyed with your crypticness. He wanted to help you- wanted to make sure you’re okay- and he couldn’t do that if you didn’t tell him.
You let out some sharp breaths that almost resembled crying, but no tears left your eyes. You wondered if you had run out; if your brain had decided you had met your quota and had cut off your supply. Or maybe you were just so dehydrated that you didn’t have enough water to spare. 
You watched as a single tear rolled down his cheek. You had made him cry. You were uncaring and cruel. You were hurting him. You were a shitty friend. He was so worried about you, and you did nothing to ease his concern. He had called you many times, and you would watch as your phone danced on the table. You would listen to his voicemails, at first light-hearted before quickly turning to panic. You stopped listening to them three days ago, unable to process his emotions as well as your own. 
“Bubba, please. What is going on with you? You haven’t answered my texts, you haven’t been to class, you haven’t been to work. I’m really worried. Please, please talk to me.” 
He was begging and the thought broke your wretched heart. You attempted to curl more into the couch, to hide away from the pain you saw in his eyes. His hand on your shoulder stopped you, and you didn’t have the strength to resist. 
“I’m sorry.” 
You watched as Peter’s face contorted wildly between emotions: anger, fear, concern, sorrow. He chewed on his lip as he looked you over again. His mouth gaped as if he was tripping over his words before they could even leave his mind. 
“Why? What-? Did you do something?”
You shrugged your shoulders.
How could he even ask that? He knows what you did. He had just listed half of your offences. How could he even stand to look at you? You were a monster, vile and vicious. 
You blinked again, and Peter frowned. You knew he wanted to hear you speak, that it would ease his worry, but you couldn’t. Saying the words is hard, flexing all those muscles to use your voice. Too much. It was all too much. 
“What did you do?”
You can hear the fear in his voice. It makes you sick to your empty stomach. The weight of his question weighed on your chest.
You knew what he was asking. It was a question you had been asked many times by your parents, by professionals, and your friends. You had lost many over the question. Some of them running away screaming at your honesty. Others have told you it’s not your fault, they just can’t carry the weight. So they leave you to carry it on your own. 
You recognised the way his eyes quickly darted to your wrist, then moved to any possible exposed skin. You saw the way he checked his surroundings, looking for anything there. You knew what he was looking for, even if he didn't.
You almost wanted to laugh at that. It was funny to your fucked up brain. They always want to know. They insist on it. They have to know if you’ve done something to yourself as if their knowledge could rewrite time and change futures. As if they know they have the special combination of words that would make you see the light and bring you back. As if they could say something-- anything --you hadn’t heard before. But that wasn’t the funny part. The funny part was being right. 
You knew that it was getting bad again. You knew if Peter saw you like this, he would get scared. You knew he would assume the worst. And here he was, doing just that. The funny part was knowing that when people see depression, they expect it to just be this, and if it’s not, you’re fine. And when it does look like this, you must be suicidal. 
And honestly, you wish you were. And you shouldn’t say that, but it’s true. At least then you could do something with it. But instead, you’re curled up on your couch, immobilised, waiting for the storm to pass. You look and feel pathetic. But for now, it’s funny. Mostly because you can’t handle how frustrating this is.
You tug your sleeve down, and Peter’s eyes track the movement, tracing over the smooth skin as it’s revealed. His body remains tense even as you stop. You move the other one, and he’s just as attentive. When both wrists are revealed to be fine, you expect him to relax, but he doesn’t. 
You watch as his chest rises and falls, not quickly but noticeably. As if he’s trying to stay calm. You appreciate that, though feeling like a bit of an ass for it. 
He takes a deep breath, his fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose, “So then, why are you sorry?”
He looked at you expectantly, and you felt like crying again. It was too much. You knew what you had done, how shitty you had been. It’s all you could think about as his calls continued to go unanswered and your filth continued to pile around you. But he was asking too much. You didn’t want those words to leave your lips. You didn’t want him to hear them. 
If he did, he might realise you’re right. He’d leave you here, and you’d never hear from him again. He’d be another soul lost to your devastation. Another broken person you made by knowing you. He’d realise how you tainted him, recognise you as sickness, and cut you off. And you couldn’t be mad at him when he did it. Because he would be right. 
Or he would defend you. All that Peter Parker love pouring from him, insisting that everyone is good and deserves a chance. He would ignore all of your words, writing them off as nonsense. And maybe, maybe you’d start to believe him. You’d let him convince you that you’re okay. But soon, he would realise that he was wrong about you. 
Either way, he would leave you. So maybe if you push him now, it won’t hurt so bad later. If you don’t let him build you up, you won’t fall as far. 
So you said nothing, holding his gaze until you couldn’t anymore. His face shifted again, and you couldn’t take it. It was too much. It was your fault. You managed to roll over from your side to your stomach. You paid no mind to the various objects falling off the couch; you didn’t care that Peter had to dodge the debris. Especially when it distracted him long enough to let you hide. You buried your face into your crossed arms but didn’t close your eyes, the dark pocket you created being more than enough. 
You felt hollow. Like life had finally broken you, taken everything that you were. You weren’t yourself anymore, just a husk. One that wouldn’t eat, or change clothes, or leave the house. But you weren’t empty. No, you had been carved out, but disgust and anger filled you now. But those big feelings left you feeling tired, tired constantly. No sleep was restful, no break long enough. It was baked in, carried in your bone marrow. 
Peter was silent and you listened closely to his breathing. You couldn’t understand why he hadn’t given up yet, why he was sticking by your side. So you told him to leave. 
You waited patiently for him to shout, for his footsteps to fade away, but he didn’t. He remained there, where you could feel his eyes on you. It was pissing you off. 
“Leave!” you tried again, the sharpness of your tone muffled by the couch cushions. 
You waited again, and this time, you heard movement. You heard a piece of silverware land softly on the coffee table and trash move around the floor. Finally, you thought. But then you felt a weight lean against the couch, then soft noises coming from a phone. 
You peeked your head out to see Peter sitting on the floor, his back against the couch, scrolling through Instagram. He didn’t chuckle or laugh. He wasn’t really looking at his phone. His eyes were darting over to you every few seconds. You knew he knew you were watching him. This game went on for a long time. Nearly an hour passed in silence, one watching the other. 
“I’m not leaving,” he said eventually, “not without you.”
That exhaustion was melting now, and all that left you with was anger. 
“Fuck you,” you spit, then tucked your head back into your arms.
“I don’t think you mean that.”
Oh, fuck him. You snapped up, your arms supporting your body as you glared at him from the couch. He looked surprised, but not frightened. Peter had put himself in a terrible position. You were swirling with hatred, and now he had made himself a target. You couldn’t help the words tumbling from your mouth. 
“You don’t get to tell me what I mean!” you shouted, your voice crackling like flames. “You don’t get to tell me how I feel! You don’t get to come in here where you’re not wanted and fuck with me. I don’t want you here! I don’t want to see you again!”
He winced at your words, and that made you feel a little powerful. You were hurting so much, seeing him feel a fraction of it made it feel smaller. 
“I haven’t talked to you in days and you think, ‘Oh, I’ll just pop over.’ What a fucking joke!”
You laugh, though there’s no humour in it. 
“I was worried.”
His eyes are wet again– his voice is so small –like he was seconds from breaking. 
Good. Let him break as I have. Maybe then he can see, and understand. Or maybe he’ll leave, get the hell out of dodge. Doesn’t matter.
“No, you were selfish,” You bite. “You got lonely and figured I would be there. You didn’t want to think I just didn’t want you anymore, so you showed up. Because you know no one comes looking for you. Not without the suit.”
You watch as he recoils. He’s looking at you like a monster, and he should. You are. His mouth hangs open, his eyes locked onto yours. The air feels stiff, like a sheet of glass waiting to be shattered. He sniffled a little, and suddenly you didn’t feel so powerful. The game’s not fun if he’s not yelling back. He’s not telling you that you’re right or wrong, he’s not mad. He’s just hurt. 
The anger drops from your face and now your eyes are wet too. You feel like you might vomit, but you know that’s just a bluff. You can’t remember the last time you ate something. Or more than three bites. Food doesn’t smell yummy anymore; it doesn’t taste flavorful. Your empty stomach isn’t as noticeable, and chewing is too much work for such little payoff.
Peter’s eyes soften slightly, like something’s clicked for him. His brows pull down and his lips pout.
Pity. He’s showing pity. You’ve hurt him, and he pities you.
You rise quickly, and Peter is quick to his feet to meet you there.
“I’m sorry,” you say, covering your mouth as you feel your breath quicken. You were going to break down again. “You should leave.”
You pushed past him, ignoring his calls after you. You beat him to your bedroom, where you shut and lock the door. Both hands cover your mouth as the tears begin falling and your chest starts heaving. It hurts; the muscles sore from how often this seems to happen.
You hear him jiggle the handle, calling your name through the door, begging you to open it. You sink down, your shirt bunching against the wood as you descend. But you wait. You can’t let it out now, not with him here. He shouldn’t have to see this. He shouldn’t have to put up with it.
Eventually, the knocking stops, and you hear him walk away. You wait longer still until you finally hear the front door open and close.
Then you scream.
It’s deep and guttural. A middle finger to the universe. It’s pure agony released from your throat. It’s all the words you can’t say fast enough. A battle cry from a broken soldier.
You continue to weep, crawling towards your bed, littered with clean clothes you haven’t folded, books you haven’t picked up, and various other trinkets you haven’t put away. But then the exhaustion comes back.
You curl in around yourself, crying out again in frustration.
You’re weak. You’re tired. You’re cruel. You’re pathetic. You’re fat. You’re too skinny. You’re disgusting. You’re heedless. You’re everything, but never enough.
Peter had never felt so defeated. He could see that you needed him, but you didn’t want him. That wasn’t a new feeling to Peter. He had long ago abandoned any hope that you would see him as more than a friend. Even if everyone you ever dated left much to be desired, you didn’t want him. 
But this was different. This was something he hadn’t seen before. 
He had gotten close. May had gotten pretty close herself. But it was never that. Whatever you were dealing with-- however you were dealing with it-- he didn’t know what to do with it. 
You had never looked at him like that before, so full of hate. You had ripped him to shreds on your living room floor. Your words hurt, and it looked like you wanted them to. Like you enjoyed hurting him. It was scary. But then he saw it. That glint of fear in your eyes. The regret falling on your brows. And when you looked like you might cry, he knew. 
That was something he did recognise, something he had seen in himself many years ago. The need to hurt. That primal urge to rip everything around you to ribbons. So it can look as ugly as you. 
He followed you to your door, beginning to understand the hurt you were feeling. He didn’t want that for you. He wished he could remove it like a faulty wire, but you shut yourself off. He could hear your ragged breathing on the other side of the door, even through his pounding and shouting. But you wouldn’t open up, and he couldn’t do anything until you did. 
He weighed his options and tried his best to leave. He wanted to trust that you would be okay, that you would someday unlock the door, but for now, he had to leave you be. 
He picked up his stuff, made a mental note to come back and help you clean, and stepped outside. Before he released the handle, he heard you scream. A very real scream. He moved with urgency, panic rising in him. He fumbled with the key in his hands painted with red and blue nail polish. It was chipped from the many years of hanging on his keychain. 
He called out to you but got no response. You continued to howl from the other room, and he rushed there. Trying the handle, he cursed, finding it still locked. He had never heard a noise like that before. Your guttural wailing filled his mind. He had one thought, banging and pulsing through his head: Save her. Save her. Save her. Save her. 
He didn’t want to kick down the door and frighten you, so he spun hopelessly outside it, fingers tangled in his hair as he tried to make use of his big brain. There was pounding mixing in with your cries now, and Peter felt scared that you were reaching a peak he wouldn’t be able to get you down from. 
He threw his backpack to the floor and began opening pockets. His eyes glanced over his wallet, and then he dove for it, pulling out the library card you made him get. You had drawn on it because he complained about how boring it looked. It was the spiderweb in the corner that caught his eye now. From it hung a little spider, but its abdomen was shaped like a heart. He had teased you relentlessly for it at the time, pointing out its anatomical incorrectness. You told him it was a reminder, but for what you never said. 
He pushed the thought aside, sliding the card between the door jamb and the lock latch, wiggling it until he felt it release. Your cries could be heard from the other side, so he steeled himself. You needed him, and you needed him strong. He could do that for you. He could do anything for you. 
He was taken aback, for a moment, by the display before him, his lips parting in a gasp. You thrashed about, showing rage in your despair. He felt a wave of disgust for himself. He supposed he had let this happen, let you stew too long. 
All this time, he thought you were fine. In the same way he was always ‘fine’. But every time he wasn’t, you were there. You were by his side, ready to talk him down. But him? He just waited for you to do it on your own.
He would see the signs and put his head in the sand, remembering how embarrassing it is when someone notices and asks. Remembering the rage that would boil up in him, as if this person could even begin to understand where he was coming from. But he forgot how much he needed it too. How much that small kindness meant. He forgot the value of a shoulder to cry on and an ear to hear, even if they don’t understand. 
But he couldn’t dwell on that now. He can’t focus on what he could have done, only what he can now. Because you’re here now, and he wants you around later. 
He drops to his knees, his hands coming out to hold you before he stops himself. He calls out softly instead. 
It’s apparent to him that you didn’t realise he was there, your wild eyes scanning over him, trying to decipher if he’s real. Your chest heaves as you lay on the ground, your face swollen and red. His heart breaks, for a moment, whispering an apology you don’t hear. 
It hurts to have him look at you like that– to see you like this. But this is what you were afraid of, him seeing you and running. But so far, he hasn’t. And you’re selfish, bordering on desperate. It doesn’t matter why he’s here; it just matters that he is. And as much as you desperately want him to leave, to forget you and move on, you can’t help clinging to him. 
The one ray of sunshine you have. The one who always gets it even if he doesn’t. The one that remembers to get things in your favourite colour and reminds you to change your water filter. Your rock. And you could use a rock right now, and you can't bring yourself to worry about it destroying him. 
You begin heaving again, and Peter panics, still unsure how to help you. His eyes are too much, so you roll around onto your belly, your legs curled up underneath, your forehead against the carpet. Your hands are wrapped around your gut as everything in you comes out. All the rage, and despair, and confusion leaking through your broken cries. 
Peter only intervenes when your fists start slamming down against your stomach. You can feel his hand trembling as it grabs yours, and you scream again. His hand retracts, uncertain how to move forward. 
Snot is running down your face, and you can feel some dribble on your chin. You feel like a child. You feel like a disgusting mess. He shouldn’t have to see you like this. 
It hurts, god, it hurts so much!
His name leaves your lips, broken and frayed around the consonants, and he scoots closer. 
“What?” He asks, sounding nearly as broken as you. “What can I do?”.
“Peter- Peter, please fix it!” 
You’re not sure why you asked. You weren’t sure what he could do. But you knew he would do it. That’s what he does, fix things. He fixed your laptop, and May’s stove, and your bad study habits, and your sour mood. He always did and asked for nothing in return. 
But maybe this was too big of an ask. How could he fix this- A chemical imbalance that you’ve been fighting your entire life? How could he fix what doctors hadn’t? What if you couldn’t be fixed?
You slammed your fist back into you, each hit punctuated with an insult.
Disgusting Pathetic Selfish Broken Useless Dumb Weak
But then, you felt gentle, shaking hands once again. His touch was warm but different from the fire you felt inside. It didn’t burn, but sooth. He had come up behind you and guided your arms tighter around yourself, using his to keep them there, coaxing you into sitting up and resting against him.
He was all around you now; his heart beat steadily against your back, even as yours pounded fiercely. You screamed again, but this time Peter didn’t let go. He held you tighter, hoping desperately that if he held on harder, he could keep you from slipping away. That you would feel his love on your skin. That he could shove the broken pieces back together enough to help you set them right.
Your head hurts; pressure building behind your eyes. But you felt safe, even in this pain. Because Peter was here, holding you tightly. He was here, even if he shouldn’t be. He was here. And you found yourself relaxing into his hold, melting against him.
Your sobbing fell into a quiet whimpering, letting him soothe you with gentle shushes and his forehead resting on the side of yours. He readjusted his hold on you, rubbing up and down on your arm with one hand and pulling you closer with the other. You hung loosely like you had lost the strength to hold yourself up. Peter swore you wouldn’t have to. 
“I got you,” he whispered, placing a kiss where his head once was. 
Soon, your cries became sniffles, and you turned around to face Peter. His face seemed sad, maybe even tired, but he smiled at you nonetheless. It wasn’t out of sympathy, but true and genuine. That was still too much, feeling embarrassed by your current state, so you hid. 
Peter let you wrap your arms and legs around him, trying not to shiver as your nose rubbed against his neck. He pulled you into his lap, relishing in your tight hold. You were coming back to him. 
He rubbed soothing patterns on your back, resting his head against yours while whispering encouragements. 
“Good job, sweetie, you’re breathing so well for me. That’s right, big breaths, you got it.”
The world slowly stopped spinning, and your body stopped spazzing. You got the feeling back in your fingertips, running them in circles across Peter’s back, trying to recalibrate. He breathed with you, praising for each one you took. 
Then, you were still, your eyelids heavy with exhaustion. Peter could feel your eyelashes slowly brush against his neck as you blinked.
“Hey,” he called softly. You hummed, and he was grateful. “I know you're tired, but you should take a bath first.”
You shook your head no, curling into him deeper. His heart panged, wanting desperately to hold onto you longer, but not like this.
He scooped you up, and you whined, wrapping your legs around him tighter as his arm came around to hold your hips. You knew he wouldn’t drop you, but you weren’t used to being toted around.
He let you cling to him as he began filling the bath, making sure the water was warm but wouldn’t hurt. He then travelled to the laundry room to grab some fresh towels and threw in some bubble bath he had found under the sink.
“Come on, baby,” he tried, “In the bath, you go.”
You felt your cheeks warm at the nickname and tried not to think about how much you didn’t want Peter to let go. 
It’s not him, You told yourself, he’s just here. 
But it didn’t sound very convincing, not even to you. But regardless of your wishes, you knew he wouldn't always be, and what would you do when he left? You’d probably end up on the floor again, or worse. 
“I’ll still be here when you’re done,” He said, as if he could read your thoughts, “I promise a bath will make you feel better.”
You took a deep breath, raising your head to look into his eyes. Galaxies lived there, swirling and teeming with life. Every emotion, every thought, bubbling in his irises. And one came through over all of them, ringing through the silence. 
Love.
You saw it there as he looked at you. How could this be?
Love.
Had he not seen how monstrous you could be, how depraved and insane you truly were? How could he possibly find it in him to still love you? And how could you let something like that go? He had a love for you that you didn’t have for yourself, but you needed it.
You nodded your head, pushing the thought aside, as you rose on shaking legs. Peter smiled, then left, grinning at you through the crack in the door.
“Thank you,” he said before closing it behind him.
You peeled off your sweat-soaked clothes, feeling embarrassed once again when you realised you were only in a t-shirt and a pair of underwear this entire time. Peter was a very good friend, and you couldn’t imagine why he was thanking you for anything.
You got into the water, your muscles relaxing as soon as they broke the barrier. You stretched, letting yourself sink deeper into the water. You lay there for a moment, relishing in the peace, in the momentary break in misery.
You dunk your head under the water, holding your breath and counting. You come up gasping, feeling the adrenaline coursing through your veins. You feel alive again.
You do that a few more times before actually washing your body. You try not to wince as you scrub the film from your body and hair. You took the time to pamper yourself, letting the lavender scent surround you. You even shaved so you could curl up in your fuzzy blanket later and just feel the softness. Peter was right- a bath made you feel a lot better.
You wrapped yourself up in your towel, feeling fresh and a lot less heavy, and opened the door. Peter was there sitting on your floor, thumbing through your record collection. You gasped at the vision around you, and Peter jumped up, a smile on his face.
“Hey, you’re back!” He saw your surprise and hastily apologized, “I hope you don’t mind. Just thought I’d put on some music.”
You shook your head at the man, ignoring his apology completely. You didn't care about the music. Your eyes wandered around the made bed, with fresh sheets, and the clothes that once occupied them neatly folded. The dirty clothes on your floor were gone, the hamper was empty, and when you listened carefully, you could hear the washing machine running in the other room.
“You didn’t have to clean up,” you said, embarrassment rising to your cheeks. 
“It’s all good,” he brushed off, like it was nothing. “I pulled these out for you to change into, but you can- you can wear whatever, of course. And...I don't have to tell you that.”
The way he fumbled over his words was adorable, but you remembered then that you were only in a towel, standing in front of your best friend. You clutched it tighter, and he seemed to notice then too. Redness grew from his neck to his cheeks, and he quickly turned around.
“Sorry!” He shouted. Then calmly, “Sorry, I’ll uh- I’ll let you change.”
You reached for the pyjamas he set out and slipped them on. It felt nice. I mean, the pj’s weren’t new, but wearing something Peter picked out for you, with you in mind, felt…sweet. And they were extremely comfortable. You smiled softly as you smoothed out the fabric, then opened the door. 
Peter was standing just on the other side with his back turned to it, but upon hearing the handle, he turned. His eyes quickly skated over your form before he beamed at you. You invited him into your room and turned down the record he had put on so it was softly playing in the background. 
He stood awkwardly in your room, hands in his pockets, like he didn't know what to do next. You felt a similar way, sitting back on your bed. The silence was loud; both of you stuck between wanting to ask a million questions and not sure how to make the words right. 
You figured he had done enough of the work today; you could try for him. 
“I’m sorry,” you began. 
He turned to you, worry written across his brows and a retort on his lips, but you cut him off. 
“I- I was cruel to you. You didn’t deserve that.”
His face falls as he sighs, then trudges over to sit at your side with heavy feet.
“It’s okay-” he begins. 
“Don’t say that,” You spit, some of that anger you tried to bury coming back. Peter stilled, and you felt bad, but he had to hear you. It was important. “Don’t say that how I treated you was acceptable because it wasn’t. You don’t deserve that from anyone. If I had seen someone speak to you that way– or ignore you the way I did –I would have killed them. I don’t get to lash out at you like that, okay?”
Peter’s eyes were twinkling again, and you couldn’t understand it.
“You- you shouldn’t have to put with it,” you continue shakily, “and I don’t think you should stick around.”
Peter rolled his eyes, chuckling.
“Tough luck.”
You look at him baffled, but he remains unfazed.
“You can’t get rid of me that easy,” he explains, “I spend most of my days chasing people who actually want me dead. You having a little outburst because you’re hurting and you don’t know how to say it? I can handle that.”
He grabs your hand, and you try to stop the butterflies taking flight within you.
“You disappearing for a few days? That’s nothing. Me leaving?” He laughs full-on now; it rolls through him, blooming from his chest, “That’s never gonna happen.”
“Peter-” you try, but it’s he who cuts you off now.
“No, I’m not hearing any of it. I’m not going anywhere,” he insists. “I’m not leaving you again. I will be right here, for as long as you need me, and even when you don’t.”
His hold on your hand is tighter now, as if he’s trying to press the promise into you. Placing it in your hand and hoping you never let it go. Or maybe it was more than the promise. You look into his eyes, and you see it again– love. You can’t make sense of it. Over and over again, that look. One you’ve seen so many times. Why?
“Because you shouldn’t have to do it alone.” He answers your silent question, “Because I don’t want you to do it alone, not when I’m right here.”
He lifts your hand and puts it over his heart. You can feel how fast it’s beating. Yours flutters in a similar way. It’s terrifying and thrilling, this promise he makes. You want Peter there, always. That’s why he has a key, free to pop into your life whenever he finds the time. Because you always want him there. It’s why he’s your emergency contact and the only person you trust (other than May, but you would never ask it of her) to water your plants when you’re away. 
But if he stays, you’ll grow attached. More attached, at least. He’s seen one of many battles in a war you’ve been losing for as long as you can remember. He’s crazy enough to think he can handle more when you barely can yourself. But maybe that’s what you need, someone to fight with you. Someone to fight for. 
You bring your arm around his neck, pulling him into a jarring hug. He accepts it, pulling you closer. You’re trembling ever so slightly, but you’re not fighting him anymore. He knows what this means. You’re letting him stay, and he’s so grateful. 
You allow yourself to just breathe with him- to let him be here, and hold you. You never got that before, and accepting it now is hard, but you can do it.
“Do you wanna stay the night and watch some b-horror films?” you asked.
Peter smiled against you, and your heart leapt at the action. 
“I thought you’d never ask.”
You feel a bit selfish as he steps into the bathroom to change into comfier clothes, as he crawls into bed and lets you curl into him, as he drapes his arm around you and holds you close. You can’t give him what he wants right now, what he deserves, but you want to. It’s hard, it’s terrifying, but you know that you can. You can do it for him. You're strong enough.
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sleepyboywrites · 2 months
Text
Nsfw Pasta Headcannons
My sincerest apologies I stumbled upon a few posts and couldn't stop thinking about it... Nsfw warning..
• Eyeless Jack
• 100% a top
• The only way you're topping him is when you ride him, which even then no you're not.
• Animalistic. Growls, grunts, and huffs. Tends to cage you beneath him like his prey as he plows you.
• Needy like an Alpha in Rut. I'm talking he'll grip on to you as he desperately ruts into you and because lust is a form of hunger for flesh the demonic man needs more than one round each session.
• Soft dom for sure and a service top who ideally wants a service bottom
• Think "Shh, little one, you're doing so good for me, you can handle a couple more rounds for me, hmm? Let me make you feel good a few more times, can't you?"
• Breeding kink, he doesn't care if he can't actually get you pregnant, if you don't have the "equipment" to do so, or if it'd make you uncomfortable to be, he doesn't have to make you pregnant in actuality, if you can't or don't want to he won't but he just loves to try. Just the thought of of pumping you so full of him and seeing you so full of him turns him on.
• Super into marking. Biting, hickies, claw marks, you name it. He likes leaving proof that you're his behind.
• He's practically blind so all of his other senses are heightened, he is legitimately so good at hitting all the right spots.
• Long tongue, monster cock, enough said.
• Likes cockwarming, specifically after the a session, you're just so warm and welcoming and full, why'd he want to pull out?
• If he wasn't such a clean freak, he'd probably be into butt plugs/keeping his cum inside you. But since I feel like he tries to keep personal spaces/property clean he wouldn't.
• Really good at aftercare, we're talking bubble bath, water, snacks, cuddles the works.
• Ben drowned
• Switch
• Loves to 'play' with you and have you 'play' with him
• Would 100% want to mess around while video gaming and the two of you probably have in whatever way you could ever think of.
• Also likes cockwarming but in a more traditional way of he just likes having you on his cock feeling your walls around him without doing anything other than being inside you or vice versa.
• Wants to fuck you or be fucked by you in full cosplay.
• He's a thigh guy. He likes thighs. He likes to sit with his head between your thighs and give you head.
• He also likes overstimulation so he likes to sit with his head squeezed between your thighs giving you head until you're crying and trembling and can't give him any more. Also enjoys should you do the same.
• So needless to say also a multiple rounds type of guy.
• Bro is almost always horny I swear to God. Like he'll watch you through your phone as you take a shower relieving himself as he does so and fucking you right after you get out. His Libido is insane.
• A wee bit of a somnophilliac. But think a 'yes' or 'no' pillow situation where if you ever fell asleep on the yes side you'd wake up cock drunk or vice versa.
• Also a dacryphilliac in the sense where he loves seeing you cry from pleasure overload.
• Has a mild degradation kink and likes it best when paired with praise. Think, "That a good slut, don't let a drop go to waste okay?"
• He's into hypnosis and mind control, something about being all foggy brained as he gets his guts rearranged/the glossy far away look in your eyes as he fucks you until you're dick drunk makes him hard as hell. He likes controlling you and being controlled by you.
• His idea of aftercare is falling asleep in your arms or with you in his arms waking up a few hours later to wash off the now cold and uncomfortable sticky situation putting on each other's shirts and waking up in the morning to have sex again, then water/breakfast if he's feeling sweet.
• Laughing Jack
• Probably hot take I think he wouldn't... I think he's ace and sex repulsed.
• I think because he was once a guardian angel for a child he just thinks it's really not for him and he's okay with that.
• But if his beloved asked for some 'help' in one way or shape or another he'd help them. Or if you asked him to 'play' with you. He would.
• He'd also watch you if you wanted him to and be really good with aftercare.
• Jeff the Killer
• "100"% Top, you'd be punished if you tried to top him and failed but if you tried and succeeded he'd bottom for you and probably enjoy it enough to let you top him again.
• Sadist
• Hard dom
• Brat tamer
• Somnophilliac and dacryphilliac, he likes it best when they go hand in hand
• Has a knife kink and likes knife play
• Needy and has a degradation kink. Think projecting insults and such. Like "Such a needy little cock slut, look at you, your body sucks me in so greedily, you really need to be dicked down so badly, huh slut?"
• Loves objectification and dumbification. Loves how your his cock sleeve, cum dumpster, and fuck toy.
• Would ideally have a brat as a partner and would ideally get to punish them every night.
• Likes tying you up and blindfolding you.
• Also likes edging a lot, in fact most nights is an edging session in itself. He loves to see how close he can get the both of you to climax without ever letting you or himself cum.
• Into orgasm denial as well. Like if you cum before you were given permission, he'll make sure you can't cum for the rest of the night while he cums plenty.
• Glory holes turn him on, he likes the thought of fucking you through one.
• Into breath play and choking, both giving and receiving
• He'll deadass just say "That was fun" or "Thanks baby!" or something along those lines, pull you to his chest while groping your ass as "aftercare"
• Homicidal Liu
• Soft dom/service top
• his nurturing nature extends to the bedroom. He has rules for you in the bedroom and out that if you follow will lead to rewards and if you don't lead to punishment.
• unless you misbehave then he'll have no choice but to punish you because brats don't get to cum or have 'playtime' at all, they get to watch 'sir' cum without them.
•orgasm denial/overstimulation
• On the other hand if you're good you get to cum until you physically can't anymore. Congratulations.
• Has a worship kink wants to worship you and be worshipped in return. He will lap you up like you're the nectar of the gods, savoring in your sweet, decadent noises until you melt in his mouth. Caressing you as he buried himself in your heat and feeling oh so powerful as you look at him lovingly as he pounds you taking pride in the fact he's the only one who's making you cum.
• Has a praise kink and will praise you non stop.
• Has a thing for thigh highs/garters/collars/ears and a tail
• Also has a thing for you wearing his clothes.
• Into dumbification in the sweet way. Think "Ah ah honey, thinking is my job. You're just my sweet little thing, let me take care of everything."
• He adores "easy access" anything
• into dacryphillia in the sense he likes making you cry from pleasure.
• The king of after care just like with EJ there will be bathing, water, snacks, praise, cuddles the works.
• Ticci Toby
• He's a switch in the term that he'd let you ride him while he was tied up, blindfolded, and unable to move or touch you and let you milk him dry. But you're not pegging/fucking him.
• Into roleplay scenarios.
• Likes seeing you half dressed, loves seeing you half dressed moaning beneath him or bouncing on his cock.
• Huge Pervert, you can't do anything without him getting bricked af.
• Likes strip teases/lap dances
• He adores "easy access" anything
• Loves marking and overstimulation. Also orgasm control. Basically anything that marks you as his or proves he's in charge of pleasuring you and only he truly satisfied you.
• I'll be so fr with you he also loves being covered in hickies by you.
• Also loves to tie you up. You're like a present for him and only him.
• He's down to try almost anything at least once.
• into dacryphillia in the sense he likes making you cry from too much intense pleasure.
• Has a thing for enthusiastic consent. It legitimately is something he cannot proceed without and it turns him on to know you want him that badly.
• Has a voice kink and a praise kink.
• He loves getting you dick drunk and likes it better when your hips grind needily against his after you're all orgasmed out but so foggy that you want more nonetheless as you warm his cock.
• He's surprisingly good at aftercare, he'll wash you up, bring you some water, tell you how happy and proud he is, and cuddle you.
• Brian/Hoodie
• 100% Top
• He has a Daddy Kink and likes dd/l
• He gets hard picking out your outfits and dressing you as well as bathing you.
• He's a soft Dom but he's rough in bed if the two of you had a dry spell he'll fuck you as desperately as EJ does.
• Otherwise however normally he treats you like you're made of glass as he fucks you.
• Has a kink/fetish for infantilization/dumbification. "Baby, sweetheart , doll face you can't take care of yourself. You're too little, so just stay with daddy, let daddy take care of you, make you feel good, hm?"
• Also has a breeding kink, he wants you to be filled with his seed each time the two of you fuck.
• He doesn't take kindly to teasing, if you tease him he'll edge and overstimulate you until you physically cannot cum anymore. Aka BIG on orgasm control
• He loves to leave hickies and bite marks all over you.
• He's also a somnophilliac, he likes making you squirm and whimper as you wake up on his cock.
• He has a corruption kink. He likes doing lewd things to his innocent looking partner/little.
• That leads us to dacryphillia he likes making you cry from intense pleasures he caused you as you tremble and cling to him
• He's very good, an expert even, at aftercare he does everything right so you are taken care of with both physical and mental needs.
• Tim/Masky
• 100% Top
• I feel like he likes to be called master or sir
• He has a thing for praising you
•A voice kink for hearing your pretty noises
• He loves manhandling you and likes to pin you down beneath him.
•Likes pulling hair/guiding your head via your hair.
• Gets hard as a rock when you wear his clothes he doesn't care what for
• He's into dumbification and getting you so drunk on pleasure that you forget your own name.
• Something about if you wear the hat you ride the cowboy and your cowboy has very good control so you're going to be there for a while until he's had his full which is when he'll actually start trying.
• He's into edging and overstimulation hand in hand meaning edging the two of you to each orgasm and then going until neither of you can cum anymore.
• This man loves marking you.
• He'll cover every inch he can with hickies and bite marks.
• In fact, the main reason you're sore is not only because he rocked your shit but you are covered in hickies and bite marks, everywhere, too much to even attempt to cover.
• He's an expert on aftercare and your aftercare is specifically catered to your needs as a partner and person as well as your physical needs: water, food if hungry, bathing.
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