#poor team crdl

[madmanwonder]

Prompts: What happened when Pyrrha Got Friendzoned by Oscar, like Jaune used to Friendzone her?

Pyrrha: *Beating the everlasting hell out of Team CRDL*

Jaune: As much I enjoyed seeing them get their butts handle on a platter…why?

Ren: Oscar friendzone Pyrrha. Saying he see her as a lovable badass big sister.

Jaune: Ah…ok.

Nora: BREAK THEIR LEGS!

The sound of legs breaking

Cardin: My legs!?

#rwby #team jnpr #jaune arc #nora valkyrie #pyrrha nikos #ren lie #lie ren #red pine #poor pyrrha #poor team crdl #poor cardin #they had it coming #funny as hell #got friendzone #friendzone

[heliosthegriffin]

Inter-tribal relations

“Is anyone else concerned?” Weiss asked with pursed lip to the rest of the table, occupied by the rest of Team RWBY.

Ruby balanced a pencil on her nose, Yang played some game on her scroll, and Blake read through a trashy magazine.

“About what?” Ruby asked innocently, still balancing the pencil.

Yang looked up from her game, searching for fire and/or danger, but finding none went back to her game.

Blake however, responded. “Not really,”

“But, I am, though, I am greatly concerned.” Weiss said looking quite nervous.

The pencil dropped from Ruby’s nose and hit her in the right eye, she yelped and fell backwards into the floor.

Blake flipped a page in her trashy, terrible magazine. “You shouldn’t be, everything’s fine.”

“I really don’t think it is!” Weiss stood up, chair skirting behind her, pointing out of the library window at a small hut in the courtyard. “There’s a actual village out there!”

Blake flips a page. “Yes, and everything is fine, Weiss.”

Weiss scowls, still gesturing to the hut. “Team JNPR has been living out for weeks, they’re devolving!”

“Shouldn’t have lost the key to they’re room.” Yang said, turning with her scroll, as if that made her a better player.

Ruby got up from the floor. “They’re poor weapons! Stuck and alone, all by themselves!”

Weiss walked over to the window, observing the coming and going from the hut.

Ren was smoking fish, and Jaune was doing a rain dance to mixed success.

Pyrrha and Nora were gone though, likely on another hunting trip.

“This isn’t ethical,” Weiss moaned.

“What isn’t ethical, is how short they’re pelts are, hot-damn!” Yang said leering at the two.

“I wouldn’t worry about them Weiss, they haven’t even reach the bronze age!” Ruby cheerfully looked at her. “They’re no threat till they’ve at least reached the iron age, we live safely for another day!”

“I wouldn’t say that Ruby,” Blake stood next to her, inspecting the set up in the courtyard. “I spot a couple snares, a tiger trap, and what looks to be a log connect to a trip wire, and they’re location is situated in a way to optimally fend off invaders. I’d say they’re just about leaving the stone age.”

They’re was a yelp, and cry of fear. “Ren help!”

“How?! You helped me build these things!”

“I slipped while doing my rain dance! Help me, Nora actually put Tigers down here!”

Ruby looked at Blake smugly. “You were saying?”

Blake looked back at her. “That was Jaune, it was bound to happen.” She points back out. “Look, he’s even tamed the tiger now.”

The tiger had some how managed to get out of the pit, Jaune hanging from it’s jaws. It settled down next to the fire, and started grooming him, Jaune’s face contorted in pain from a barbed tongue that could lick paint off a wall, but unwilling to upset the creature.

Ruby hufffed. “Whatever, girl.”

“Hey!” Yang got they’re attention. “The girls are back! Damn, those pelts are just as criminal on them!”

Returning to the tribe from the woods, was Pyrrha and Nora, holding a stone tipped spear and a large club respectively, with Nora taking the lead and gleely skipping over the traps, with Pyrrha carrying something slung over her shoulder.

Weiss’s eyes went wide. “Do they have a war prisoner?!”

Blake nodded. “Yes, it would seem, so. Not uncommon for primitives to take captives to replenish low numbers, mostly to kidnap brides. Or for skilled workers.”

“That’s Velvet? That’s Velvet.” Yang asked, then confirmed, as Pyrrha roughly tossed Velvet before Jaune. Nora tried to pet the Tiger, only for it to hide behind Jaune in fear. “I heard her team got locked out of they’re room too, did they raid Team CFVY’s camp?”

Blake nodded. “It seems so, how interesting, I heard they had subjugated and assimilated team NDGO, so I assumed they were in a more powerful miltary position, especially after they raised Team CRDL’s camp to the ground.”

Weiss watched in horror as Jaune nodded appreciatively, leading Velvet into the hut. “We need to call the teachers!” Making to leave.

Only for Blake to grab her by both shoulders, stopping her in place. “And who are you to play god?! This must play out as nature intended, otherwise they’re culture will never achieve apotheosis!”

“Blake, you’re scaring me!”

“Hey!” Ruby called them back to the window. “Look, he’s showing her how to use the pottery wheel.”

Weiss felt a flush of embarrassment, as like Ruby said, Jaune was indeed just doing that.

They had brought a pottery wheel out of the hut, and Jaune was showing Velvet how to use it. The girl picking up the skill quite fast, seeming to also enjoy doing it, with Jaune helping to correct any flaws he picked out.

Ren, then came over with a fur-pelt with the word JNPR on the back, dropping it in Velvet’s hands, then pointing at the hut.

“They have a tribal identity! Fascinating!” Blake pounded her hand into her palm.

Weiss started to inch away, only for Yang’s iron grip to keep her in place. “Wow, look at that! We’re going to see a raid!” Pointing out a glow in the woods, where a warparty, consisting of Team CFVY at the back, with a collar team’s NDGO and CRDL at the front.

Coco barked out a harsh order, then sent them CRDL first, the team of boys running forth into traps, quickly being taken out by them, but exposing them at the same time.

Another bark, and Team NDGO was sent forth, wiping on the rest of the traps, before Coco, Fox, and Yatsuhashi charged forth.

Pyrrha and Ren chucked spears at them as they charged forth, while Nora threw boulders at them.

Jaune just started rain-dancing harder.

Velvet contently kept making bowls and vases.

The tiger was hiding in the hut.

“Alright, this is definitely against the rules!” Weiss shouted.

“I know, it’s awesome, right?” Yang asked Ruby, who nodded her head aggressively.

“OH! First blood!” Ruby cried out, as Yatsuhashi fell, Nora jumping into the air and striking him in the temple with her club, the giant falling back with a crash that sounded more like a tree falling then a human, as he tumbled back into a pitfall.

Only for a boulder to be sent to greet Nora, sending her flying into the treeline and out of the fight, from Coco.

Pyrrha and Ren teamed up on Fox, the blind-fighter more than holding him own, but eventually overwhelmed before Coco could assist him.

Before they could celebrate a victory, a rock hit Ren in the head, sending the ninja into unconsciousness.

Leaving Pyrrha and Coco to circle each other as the last combatants.

Pyrrha holding her spear in both hands, while Coco was spinning a sling in her hands, tossing a handful of rocks in the other.

An epic battle ensuing between the two tribal champions, Coco rapidly shooting rocks at Pyrrha, only for her to block them with her spear.

Charging forth, jabbing at her with the spear, but Coco deftly dodging, then grabbing the spear, lifting the spear and Pyrrha up into the air with one arm, then pulling her down.

Punching in the face with a cry that could easily be translated to, ‘This one’s not metal, bitch!’

Finally, Coco walked over to Jaune, the man dancing as fast his leg could go, still rain-dancing.

The tiger jumped out of the hut to attack Coco, only to be backhanded with no second thought.

Coco loomed before Jaune, reaching out to grab the blonde.

When Jaune finished his rain-dance, panting and out of air, falling to his knees.

Coco laughed.

Then the sky split open, rain coming down in sheet, thunder rolled violently, and a spear of lightning came down.

Hitting Coco head-first.

And again.

And again.

And again.

Coco proceeded to break the world-record for most consecutive lightning strikes in one minute.

Weiss looked out at the battlefield shocked. “What just happened?” Ruby swearing as she paid Yang twenty lien.

Blake nodded her head. “Divine providence, Jaune honored the gods and they favored him, pretty simple really.”

Ruby looked at Blake. “They cheated! Coco was totally going to win! No one said they were a part of this!”

Blake shrugged, then gestured to the sky. “Take it up with them, if you have a problem with it.”

Ruby pulls out Crescent Rose. “I will then!” She pointed the rifle at the sky. “Fight me,” The sky remained raining. “Unless, you’re a bitch!” The sky rumbled dramatically.

A angelic sniper-rifle peered out of the clouds, angelic laser-sight aimed at Ruby, who had a brief moment to express regret, before a arrow of light struck her head, knocking her out.

Yang cradled Ruby’s unconscious body. “I will avenge you, Ruby!” The dot realign on Yang’s head.

Yang slowly put her hands in the air. “On second though, revenge is over-rated, and she had it coming.”

“Traitor,” Ruby coughed.

Yang dropped Ruby. “You brought this upon yourself.”

“Look!” Blake said excitedly. “They’re integrating the losers into they’re tribe! How fascinating!”

Down below, Pyrrha was gleefully jabbing a annoyed Coco with her spear, as she was forced to make arrow heads and slings, as though that would get her to work faster.

Nora was riding on Yatsu’s shoulder a crude plough attach to his waist, using him as a beast of burden to overturn the courtyard’s soil, Team’s Cardinal planting seeds in his wake.

Ren was strictly monitoring team NDGO on how to sew, cook, and clean. Smacking they’re hands with a branch when they messed up, and glaring at them if they got disobedient.

Fox was assisting Velvet at the pottery wheel.

And Jaune? Jaune had fallen unconscious after dancing for twelve hours, stealthily being whisked away by Messengers of the Gods to be taken to the heavens.

Weiss looked to Blake, horror and confusion in her face. “What’s your stance on in intervention on Divine Intervention?”

Blake wiped away a tear. “May the dead rest in peace.”

Ruby leered with Yang as they watch him being pulled into the heavens. “I can see up his furs.”

“Nice~,” Yang nodded.

Weiss sighed, and walked away, absolutely done with this madness.

It was time to take a nap, walking to her dorm.

Scanning her scroll, when a look of horror overtook her.

‘Error, unable to unlock,’

#Team JNPR Crack #RWBY Crack

[iamafanofcartoons]

I don’t know about you, but I’m thoroughly annoyed by people who keep complaining about most of the characters in RWBY not wearing armor when they already have aura. What would you rather use: heavy metal and/or stiff leather/Kevlar that doesn’t bend well at the joints, slows you down, and makes it harder to swim if you’re in water, or a form-fitting energy field that repairs itself and weighs nothing? It’s also quite fitting that pretty much the only characters that wear armor are team CRDL because it shows that they’re cowards who are just trying to look strong, and who bully others to deal with their poor confidence.

Jaune only wears his armor as a keepsake, AND because it has pyrrha merged with it. But he only wears top armor.

Team CRDL wears armor to represent uniformity.

Armor would have been great on the robots, but we see the refusal to do so by atlas military.

We've seen plenty of shonen anime characters shrug off attacks without wearing armor, and aura is supposed to act as such.

Jaune and Ruby have both taken rocks to the face by grimm, and recovered quickly.

I don't understand why people would nitpick unless...

Unless they refuse to pay attention to detail, and then using their own ignorance as an excuse to claim bad writing.

#team crdl #cardin winchester #rwby #rwby ask #tumblr ask #rwby tumblr ask #rwby armor #rwby character analysis #rwby meta

[arc-misadventures]

Okay, another attempt for Triple Scoop AU: does anyone start to wise up to the fact that there's more to Neo? As in, there may be more 'Neo's'. Like they see one mess with CRDL whilst belatedly realising they only just one hanging/making out with Jaune.

Logically Speaking Illogically

Nora: Hmm… Ruby’s cokkies were stolen, and replaced by Neo at, 3:27 pm. However, Jaune, Yang, and Blake say, Neo was with them since around, 2:00 pm.

Nora: Reported sightings of Neo around Team CRDL dorm room were made around 11:00 am, one hour before the inching powder incident. However, Neo was seen with, Ruby, and Neo around 10:47 am, on the opposite side of school grounds. She also never left they’re side until 12:00 pm.

Nora: Neo was with me from 7:03 pm to 9:38 pm. However she was also seen with making out with Jaune in a supply closet at around 8:00 pm…

Nora: None of this makes sense… There is no way for Neo to be in all of this places at once. Her Semblance is out of the question for it doesn’t have this level of individuality, and intelligence to work so long on their own. Not to mention her semblance clones have a brighter overall hue in their colour.

Nora: I’m missing something… Hmm… This incident requires further investigation to unravel the truth!

Pyrrha: Uhh… Nora’s up to something, should we be worried?

Ren: Worry about the clean up, not the planning…

Pyrrha: Oh… okay then…

~~~

Neo: 😘

Jaune: Oh hi, Poli. Where have you been?

Neo: 😈

Jaune: Oh… Oh that poor basrard…

Neo: 🤨

Jaune: Sarcasm.

Neo: 😊

Jaune: Hehe… So, do you need something, or…?!

Neo: 😘

Jaune: Wha?! Oh hi, Tian. How are…?!

Nora: Ah-HA!!!

Jaune: Oum’s Grace?! What the hell, Nora?!

Neo: 😱😱

Nora: I knew it! I knew something was up!

Jaune: Nora, have you been hiding in our laundry all day?!

Nora: Yes.

Jaune: Why?!

Nora: Finding answers!

Jaune: To what?!

Nora: I’ve been studying the comings and goings of, Neo. She has been spotted in too many places at once all at the same time! I knew her semblance wasn’t involved, because it’s not that strong! So I waited here for you to be alone, and for Neo to show up, and finally reveal how she’s been in so many places at once! And, at last I finally figured it out; Neo has a twin sister!

Jaune: …

Neo: 😐😐

Jaune: Actually, the ‘Neo’ that you know is a trio of sisters; Neo, Poli, and Tian. The three of them fake being, ‘Neo’ to mess with people. Among, other things…

Nora: What?! You’re cheating on, Neo, with her sisters?!

Jaune: Yes, but no. It’s hard to explain…

Neo: 🤫😠

Jaune: Hey, she caught us red handed! The cats out of the bag, and it’s best to tell her the truth, or face the consequences of our actions.

Neo: 😒😞

Jaune: Okay, now that’s settled… Nora, We’re going to have to ask you to be quiet about this, okay?

Nora: You want me to keep quiet about this?! You honestly think you can silence me?!

Jaune: Yes.

Neo: 😁😁

Nora: Do you honestly believe that you could silence me?

Neo: 🤔🧐

Neo: ☝️😃

Neo: 💰😁

Nora: Pft! You think you can bribe me, me?!

Neo: 💰😁💰😃

Nora: …

Nora: Now that’s more like it!

Jaune: Okay… That was easier than I thought it would be…

Nora: Also I want to play a part in your little schemes! I’ve got some wicked pranks I’ve been meaning to pull on people~!

Neo: 😈😈

Jaune: Oh no…

Nora: Also, I’ve been meaning to ask you something…

Neo: 🧐🤔

Nora: I was curious about this since it was just Jaune, and ‘Neo.’ But, that I know there’s four of you I gotta ask; Who tops?

Neo: 😏☺️

Jaune: NORA?!

Nora: What? A girls got questions!

#rwby #jaune arc #nora valkyrie #rwby neo #neo x jaune #jaune x neo #rwby silentknight #triple scoop au #lie ren #pyrrha nikos

[nate-the-content-creator]

Well??? How does big-sis Harley take care of the flock of CRDLs? And what are NPR's thoughts on Jaune's big sis?

"Alright, alright. Pipe down." Harley spoke to the class as she entered. Everyone went quiet at once, looks of complete surprise on everyone's faces. Especially Jaune's, as the last person he was expecting to see here at Beacon was one of his sisters. Especially his crazy big sister Harley.

Harley was for a change, not dressed in one of her ridiculous jester outfits, but more like the psychiatrist she had been. Although this outfit was offset by a baseball bat spattered unmistakably in human blood. "I'm Dr Quinzell, and I'll be filling in for Professor Port for the foreseeable future, as your combat instructor."

"What's a girl like you know about fighting?" Cardin's remark was punctuated by snickers from the rest of his team. But the four of them were the only ones to laugh.

"And you must be Cardin Winchester..." Harley said, completely nonplussed by his statement while checking something in her notes. "Let's see. No field experience, poor marks in combat practice... oh wow, is your penis really that small?"

The entire class roared with laughter at Cardin's expense. Harley clearly had extensive notes on every member of the class. "Well class, Me. Winchester here has kindly volunteered to spar me. And considdering his poor marks, he needs all the experience. Because God knows he ain't getting laid." Amongst the laughter, Harley had let her crazy come out, and let her accent slip.

Harley didn't wait for Cardin to be ready. The second he was in range, hee bat made contact with his face. There was a crunching noise, as the boys nose broke. With no effort, she kicked away his mace, then wrapped the bat across his throat. "Class, would anyone care ta tell me what this dumbass here did wrong?"

Several hands, including that of Jaune's were raised. And it was Jaune that Harley called on to answer. "He forgot that some people, like my big sister..." He nodded at Harley. "Fight dirty."

"Bingo Jauney~" Harley applied more pressure to the chokehold He had Cardin in. "In a fight. A real fight that is. Your opponent won't wait, and in a lotta cases, won't hesitate to take cheap shots." Harley let Cardin go, but immediately followed up with a vicious upswing right in between the fork of his legs. But he was prevented from collapsing, as Harley grabbed him by the hair. Whispering in his ear: "I am gonna make your life a living hell. I am going to make you regret bullying my baby brother."

When Cardin dropped, Harley pointed her bat at the remaining three members of Team CRDL. "You three. You're up next. And you're up against..." Harley scanned the room, before pointing at Nora and Pyrrha. "You two. Oh and girls, feel free to use live ammo~"

More to come.

#rwby #dc comcis #crossover

[good-rwbyaus]

Be Careful Who You Blackmail pt. 1 / 2. | #Criminal Minds RWBY AU | mod lilac

AU Description: Based on n3b1r1us's AU Prompt where Jaune's plans usually consist of crimes. Also, Ren is the sole voice of reason because the rest of team JNPR are filthy enablers. 

Cardin blackmails the wrong person. Story’s written in Cardin’s POV.

previous piece in this AU :: The Voice of Reason

Uggh. His head. Why’d it feel like he got hit with a sledgehammer or that all the blood in his body was rushing to his head? Did he fall out of bed or somethi-

Wait. Something’s wrong. It’s too windy. Wasn’t he sleeping in his tent earlier? Why was he outsi-

Cardin startled as he opened his eyes, the world upside-down as he dangled from a tree branch. Even worse was that the tree branch he was hanging from happened to be jutting past a cliffside, and underneath him was the forest of Forever Fall, cloaked in the shadow of night.

The alarming thing was that, underneath the ropes tying him like a hog, he was clad only in his boxers. No weapons, no armor, just him and the very real dangers of Remnant. Seriously, he needed to get out of here and find his way back before the Gri- 

“Grrrrrrggr.”

His gaze turned directly downwards and met a pair of glowing red eyes. His throat dried up as a large vague outline peeked out of the treeline, a stalwart figure that only meant one thing in these parts. 

The Grimm. An Ursa. 

“Shit!” he couldn’t help but yell when the Ursa rose on its hindlegs, its attention clearly on him. Wiggling and flailing like a worm, he screamed to anyone that would listen, “Somebody. Anybody! Help!”

“You know if you keep screaming and moving, I might not be able to keep hanging onto this rope,” spoke a familiar voice.

Wasn’t that....

With dawning horror, Cardin lifted his gaze from the Ursa and spotted the last person he expected to see on the cliff. Peeking out from behind the tree he was tied to, Jaune waved his hand jauntily while holding his lifeline in his hand. 

No way. Jaune didn’t have the guts to do what he was threatening. This was after all Jaune, a doormat shaped like a person. Didn’t voice a complaint despite the humiliating things he’s requested Jaune to do in exchange for not telling Ozpin about the blond’s faked transcripts. Hell, even during this trip, he was always scurrying away and hiding in the most random places in Forever Fall just to avoid him. A clear bluff. 

Cardin gritted his teeth in anger and sent a sneer towards his fellow classmate.

"Jaune! When I get out of these ropes, I’m going t- AHHH!" Gravity suddenly took hold of his body, the ground closing extremely fast. His eyes closed shut as his screams rang through the night.

“Hurk.” A sudden resistance took hold as the rope around his feet pulled taut. 

Realizing he’d been given a momentary reprieve, Cardin opened his eyes once more and found the Ursa was a lot closer than he’d like. Its claws groped skywards trying to reach the tasty morsel just dangling out of its reach. A warbling discontent growl echoed from its maw as he felt himself being pulled upward towards the cliff edge and met the face of his tormentor once more. 

"I was really patient, you know. Ren said that bullies go away if you don't give them a reaction,” Jaune explained as he kneeled down to meet him eye-to-eye, the same innocent smile still plastered on - as if the blond hadn’t tried to send him to his death seconds earlier. "And well you just didn’t go away. So you thought to blackmail me instead.” The blond began unfurling the rope in his grip, Cardin belatedly realizing what his classmate was going to do again. 

“STO-!” 

He felt another jolt as he descended the cliff in freefall, screaming. Only when he felt the rope pull taut against his legs did he have the courage to open his eyes once again. He wish he hadn’t. He saw the metallic glint of the Ursa’s claws sail right past his nose, the wind of its swipes beating upon his face. He was so close to the abomination that he could smell it, a disgusting cloying mix of sugary syrup and iron. And within its eyes, he could see his brutal death reflected in its crimson hues. Even with Aura, you don’t survive an Ursa, even a Minor, without weapons and armor. "Stop lowering me Jaune! Pull me up! Pull me up! If you don’t, I’m going to-!” 

What was his stupid mouth about to say?! Threatening Jaune at this point? When Jaune was already willing to go this far?! 

“Jaune! Come on. We can talk it out! You know you can’t get away with this. I won’t say anything if you just st-"

"Oh. I am going to get away with this; I just haven’t gotten to that part yet,” Jaune grinned. “You know, I nearly died several times trying to find the most obscure places to hide, knowing that you and your team were looking for me, even after off hours." The blond rubbed his jaw with his free hand. “I even remember taking a couple punches for inconveniencing you too.”

The insane boy moved his hand away from his chin and snapped his fingers. “But now team CRDL has the reputation of being reckless explorers, breaking the rules to explore deeper into dangerous areas. Such a gunner, you. Even going out at night to prove your worth.” The blond sniffled a few times, hand wiping a fake tear, as if he were a proud parent watching his kid get an award. 

“Not a bad result from a game of hide and seek, right?” the blond looked straight at him, grinning.

How- Him chasing Jaune through Forever Fall was part of Jaune’s plans? How many steps was Jaune thinking ahead? How long was he planning all this behind his back? How deep was he in the other boy’s schemes?! He’d always thought it a joke when people said Jaune was a brilliant tactician, but....

Cardin shivered as he felt himself being slowly pulled upwards towards the cliff again. His blood turned cold upon seeing the expression that met him, Jaune looking like the very cat that’s found a mouse to 'play’ with. He wanted to say something more to Jaune, but the fear that he’d say the wrong thing and be sent plunging to his death stayed his tongue. 

“And well, as for me getting away with this...”

Jaune opened up a Scroll and revealed a screen displaying a live recording dot and a familiar blond figure talking to the rest of team JNPR at the campfire. 

Cardin could only stare at the Scroll in horror. 

"How?”

“You don’t have to ask where I got the body double. In any case when morning comes and roll call happens, everything’s going to think Cardin Winchester bit more than he can chew and never came back,” Jaune said solemnly. “Your team...well, your team will go on an ill-advised journey to avenge you and then disappear forever into the depths of Forever Fall. No one will ever find the bodies.” 

The blond held his chest with his free hand and closed his eyes, momentarily silent.

“I’m sure Beacon Academy will provide your families the appropriate remuneration.” 

This lunatic's going to kill him. And he’s not going to let off the rest of his team. His heart pounded like a jackhammer. Jaune’s seriously trying to kill him. This isn’t a joke. He’s going to die. He doesn’t want to die. No-

“Look Jaune. Jaune. Buddy. Friend. I wasn’t really going to tell Ozpin. Really. It-was-a-joke. And-”

“Yeah about that, I'll admit those forgeries weren’t my greatest work,” Jaune scratched his chin in bemusement. “They look good at first glance and even at second glance, but well it was my first time, and I might’ve overdone it when I realized it might give me a chance to meet my idol.” 

“But there’s no good excuses for poor work, and I really have a reputation to keep,” Jaune stated sincerely before looking at him straight in the eyes, expression as serious as death. 

This didn’t seem quite right. Wasn’t Jaune scared about being expelled from Beacon? When did this becom-

Jaune must’ve seen the surprise in his eyes because the blond laughed. 

“Oh. You were thinking Professor Ozpin would expel me for something like a fake transcript?” Jaune laughed, “After I made it this far? After showing I can learn and become a great tactician and leader? When there’s students from Beacon who’ve never been to any sort of combat academy at all? As far as I’m concerned...”

“He’d probably give me extra credit if he knew,” Jaune bared a toothy grin. “Cardin, the only reasons why I let you blackmail me was because I didn’t need to be known as someone who did shoddy work and that I didn’t want my peers thinking I cheated the system to get in. Even if I totally did.” 

“Wow. What a funny misunderstanding. But... well now we’re here, “ Jaune shrugged, “Though one of us won’t be shortly.”

His heart skipped a beat, alarm bells ringing in his head. His breath turned unsteady as he tried not to succumb to the growing panic and horror; he thought he had Jaune figured out, only to find he’d been provoking a complete psychopath all along.

“Look. Jaune. I won’t say anything at all. I won’t bother you ever again. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll clean your clothes. I’ll clean your team’s clothes. I’ll pay y-”

“Your offer sounds really good,” Jaune held a hand up as he interrupted, “but I’m the type to get rid of trouble before it festers. I mean, if I get rid of you and your team now, I don’t have to worry about having my reputation smeared in the future. Don’t worry, Cardin. I’ll make sure you have company.” The blond began unwinding the rope from his arm again, “Bye Card-”

“NO! Please! I don’t wanna die. My mom and dad are waiting for me back home. Ihaven’tmade a name for myself. Please! Idonwanttodieireallywanttolive. illwalkyourdog. ill make pancak-” The incoherent blabbling wasn’t something he could help, the words forming faster in his head than his mouth could say them. The tears and nose dripped down his face and forehead as he tried everything to appease this demon from hell. Pride - who needed pride at this point -  just as long as he could stay alive!  

As he babbled continuously, the blond boy just hummed as if considering his words. 

“illbeatupwhoeveryouwant. illbeyourlackey. illfetchyouyourlocker. please don’t kill m-”   

“Hmmm,” Jaune tilted his head, “Okay.”

“and I’ll- Huh?” He couldn’t help but drop his jaw in surprise, his brain screeching to a halt at that simple single utterance. After all this talk about killing him, was- was Jaune seriously going to let him go? 

“Oh, you’d rather the Ursa have you? Well if that’s the cas-

“No!” 

The blond smirked in amusement. 

“Alright. I’ll let you go for now. But remember, if you speak a word about this or the other thing to anyone else...”

“I won’t. I swear. I’ll-” He was definitely going to stay far away from the clearly unstable blond if he could help it. No one can pay him enough t-

“Just remember, I can get to you at any time. It might be eaten by an Ursa today,” Jaune whimsically said, “It could be maimed by a disgruntled bunny-eared Faunus tomorrow. Well. Good night.” 

“Good nigh-? Urgkurguurugurg.”

His body spasmed uncontrollably as something struck into the back of his neck. And then he knew no more.

#criminal minds RWBY AU #jaune arc #rwby au #cardin winchester #and no not Neo #rwby fanfic #mod lilac

[warsmith-38]

How I would do RWBY pt. 2

Season Two

Emerald and Mercury go to book store.

Try intimidating ex-White Fang owner.

He’s tense, but not impressed.

Adam walks in.

He shits himself.

Tries fighting.

Dies. Painfully might I add.

Emerald and Mercury banter. Adam just seems bored.

Cinder (teenaged, not adult) scolds them for 86ing the guy in such a public and possibly trackable way.

Adam assures them that they weren’t seen. He has practice in that sort of thing.

Torchwick is annoyed at working with these people but at least he’s getting paid a mint.

Cinder says that, with all of the stolen dust, phase two of plan can to be started soon.

Neo give her a look of ‘get over yourself, you chuunibyou.’

Meanwhile, back at the ranch.

More guests arrive.

Ironwood talks with Ozpin about world affairs.

Grimm populations and attacks are getting worse, but are still manageable.

Says that he has brought plenty of extra security in the form of Penny and a big amount of security robots and mechs.

More bonding scenes because reasons.

RWBY + JNPR have food fight because funny.

Velvet and Blake are closer than earlier and give little ‘anti-racism’ classes for Weiss.

Blake is friendlier with everyone now that she knows they wouldn’t kill her since she’s a faunus.

Ruby has taken on the role of mechanic for everyone’s weapons.

Jaune dominates wargaming night.

Ren and Fox try to help Ruby with her hand-to-hand skills (Yang is not a great teacher of such things)

Scene of properly meeting team SSSN.

Nice guys, but a little too uncoordinated in style.

Ruby ends up having a frustrated breakdown.

Gives WBY speech of how they have to get involved and screw the people telling them to sit down and let them handle the problem instead.

Blake is the first to go along with what she’s saying.

Yang and Weiss argue that this is not a good idea, saying that this sounds like Ruby just wants to go play vigilante again.

Blake says that Ruby has a point, nothing will get accomplished if they sit around doing nothing.

Weiss is the one that cracks next. Agrees that the authorities aren’t exactly inspiring confidence since the run in with Torchwick.

Yang finally gives in, if only to make sure Ruby doesn’t get herself murdered.

Ruby, in her excitement to actually be doing something, rushes out the door to get snacks and runs into someone.

That someone is Cinder.

Cinder, Emerald, Mercury, and disguised Neo (Team CEMN (Cinnamon (work with me here))) keep up the façade of Haven guests from canon.

Ruby almost immediately starts gushing over their cool weapons before being reined in by WBY.

Emerald pickpocket’s Weiss’ wallet and snags rich girl’s cash before putting it back.

Mercury and Yang have a very clear stare-down of ‘punching vs kicking, who will win?’

Neo and Blake…stare at each other (Adam is Blake’s Rival/Foil. Blake v. Neo is just pair the spares).

RWBY has made new friends. (The poor dears)

RWBY start their investigation.

Team SSSN turns up to help at the last minute.

Okay, sure, free help.

Blake and Sun try to find local White Fang schmucks.

Scarlet and Sage go off to do random shit.

Yang drags Neptune to Junior’s club to check the pulse of the criminal element of the city.

Ruby and Weiss dig up information at library place-thing.

They encounter Penny on the way.

Penny acts weird(er) and tries to bolt off.

Weiss agrees that Penny is suspicious as hell and, with all the happenings, that means that she could be a potential lead.

She lets Ruby go after her while she about her investigating alone.

Penny reveals to Ruby that she’s a mechanical maiden (Persona 3 is best Persona).

Ruby is VERY interested now.

Ruby already liked her as a person and now she knows that Penny is a person who is also a weapon.

Zero downsides.

Penny, happy to be accepted, let’s slip that she knows some crazy stuff is happening in the world.

Says that that’s why she was allowed to come to the tournament, as extra back up just in case.

Says that the communications tower is the most obvious target but might not be the actual target.

Can’t elaborate further because of Ciel and her bodyguards showing up.

Ciel gives Ruby the third degree on encouraging Penny’s truant behavior.

Ruby gives her the finger.

Ciel takes Penny away and Ruby gets back to work.

Weiss gets whatever information about the White Fang and Torchwick that isn’t classified, and a little that is, transferred to her.

Her older sister is a high ranker in the military and her father bankrolled a good chunk of said military.

Ain’t nepotism a bitch?

Yang and Neptune come up empty handed, but Yang got to pick another fight at the club before the cops showed up so she’s all good.

Neptune thinks that that’s all Yang went there to do in the first place.

Scarlet and Sage get captured by the White Fang. (They said they had fresh cookies, what were S + S going to do, say no?)

Blake leads Sun along a trail of breadcrumbs to a White Fang hideout.

Sees a recruitment rally going on.

Blake has a heart attack seeing who’s giving a speech.

It’s Adam.

Speech is an emotional call to arms against the cruelty of humanity.

Crowd is skeptical but still listening.

Reveals his brand.

Crowd is now enthusiastic to sign up for the White Fang.

Adam reveals newly stolen war-mech.

Says that they’ll test its power by executing Scarlet and Sage.

Blake spoils his moment by covertly revealing that Roman is the pilot of said mech (Neo is co-pilot).

Crowd turns against Adam for his hypocrisy.

Adam cheeses it.

Roman takes it on himself to attack Blake and Sun.

Scarlet and Sage are freed and take on the rowdy crowd.

While running, Blake and Sun encounter RWY and Neptune.

Sun and Neptune get good hits in but are btfo’d.

Scarlet and Sage find them and all is good for team SSSN.

RWBY has quasi-rematch against Roman + Neo.

Fight goes well.

Team CFVY shows up and stomps the mech.

Looks like Team Rocket’s blasting off again!

RWBY celebrates a fight well won.

CFVY are pissed that RWBY would do something so dangerous and make them promise not to do things like this again.

RWBY lies through their collective teeth about not doing it again.

Get put on probation anyway.

Pyrrha and Jaune are having a moment together before Jaune ruins it.

Jaune admits that he lied and cheated his way into school due to impatience and lack of immediate combat skills.

He confesses all of this out of guilt and plans to turn himself in.

Pyrrha is actually rather angry at him.

1. for cheating to get what everyone else fought tooth and nail to earn the right to and 2. Putting the rest of his team at risk due to his inability to keep up with them in a fight and for associating them with a cheater/liar.

Not to mention lying to her face.

Says good riddance.

Cardin overhears and blackmails him into doing what he says or else he’ll narc on him and say that NPR knew and thus were complicit in the crime.

Jaune goes along with it while creating plan to oust Cardin and get him kicked from school.

Has conversation with Ren and Nora, both of whom are pissed at him.

Of course Pyrrha told them.

Jaune tells them that he knows he’s a piece of shit but also has Cardin to deal with.

Ren and Nora begrudgingly agree to help him get rid of Cardin.

Tells them his plan.

Plan proceeds to fail and Jaune ends up fighting all of CRDL alone.

Loses.

Grimm outside of their power-level shows up.

Jaune’s quick thinking and tactics get it killed.

Cardin is grateful and promises to keep quiet about blackmail. Even means it too.

CRDL is never a real issue again due to them actually realizing that it’s a very cuntish thing to bully the guy and/or the friends of the guy who actively saved their lives.

Jaune plans to give one last apology to his team before he turns himself in.

NPR say that they deliberated amongst themselves.

They have decided that Jaune doesn’t get to take the easy way out.

His penance is to train his ass off, night and day, to catch up to them on the physical level.

Jaune’s role is to be the strategist and that it’s his job to make plans that keep them all alive.

If he fucks up, they work his ass harder until he doesn’t fuck up.

They haven’t fully forgiven him, but they’re giving him a chance because they genuinely like him.

Jaune is touched by their compassion and promises make up for his mistakes.

Sparring day in class.

Jaune has match against disguised Neo.

Neo wins but Jaune starts to have suspicions.

Pyrrha and Mercury spar.

Pyrrha wins but Mercury now has valuable data on her overall fighting style and semblance usage.

Cinder and Ruby are last match of the class.

Cinder has fire powers as a semblance.

Has second semblance giving her bullet time.

Bullet time doesn’t work all that well against Ruby because of her super-speed.

Ruby gets some pretty good hits in. Kinda kicking Cinder’s ass.

Cinder then decides she’s done playing nice and goes on full offensive. Even starts to scare the crowd.

Times up!

Due to technicality, Ruby won the fight.

Aura cohesion (health bars) Cinder:48% Ruby:51%

Emerald and Mercury are blue in the face with fear of what Cinder might do, having officially lost a fight.

Cinder helps Ruby up, apologizes for going overboard, and offers to buy Ruby lunch the next day.

Ruby happily agrees to hang out with her newest friend.

Cinder later explodes at her hideout and incinerates a White Fang member that got a little too close.

Adam pretends to care. Doesn’t actually.

Ruby and Cinder become shockingly good friends (as far as Ruby is concerned).

Cinder explains the concept of a second semblance, confirming to Ruby that she’s a ten-percenter.

It’s somewhat rare, but it’s common enough that people know how it works and why it unlocks.

Great emotional duress.

She was raised in an orphanage that REALLY sucked.

She awakened both semblances pretty quickly and was snatched up by the authorities as soon as possible to be a huntress.

She’s mostly lying about the details but there is still the base truth.

Ruby tells her that she lost one of her parents too.

Summer just didn’t come home one day, being told she was killed in the line of duty by a lucky grimm.

She’s always thought that there’s more to this story, but doesn’t have the means to follow up just yet.

It’s part of why Ruby wants to be a huntress, to do her best to make sure that some other kid never experiences that kind of loss because of the grimm.

Cinder tells her that that’s not the worst motivation. (she means it more than she thinks)

Since Blake saw Adam at the rally she has become obsessed with analyzing all the data gotten during investigation.

RWY is worried.

Yang talks to her about it, giving the speech about her mother and the problems with obsession.

Blake talks about how dangerous she knows Adam to be. Is vastly terrified of him.

Yang reassures her that the team can handle that punkass.

4 on 1, let him try it. They’ll put the boots to him. Medium style.

Blake reluctantly snaps out of her funk.

Dance comes.

Everyone’s having a good time.

Pyrrha decides to properly forgive Jaune.

They kiss and, after a wacky JNPR argument because funny, so do Ren and Nora.

Insert the cool JNPR dance scene here.

Ruby is happy for her friends but notices some bullshit going on near the comm. tower.

Cinder is infiltrating it wearing something that actually makes it difficult to tell who it is.

Makes a big show of knocking the guards unconscious.

Places real obvious hacking device onto console.

Ruby comes in and shoots at her.

Cinder pops smoke and disappears.

Authorities arrive and (as far as they can tell) disable the hacking device.

Ruby is given a commendation for her actions and her team is taken off probation from earlier.

Upper echelon is pleased that enemy plot was foiled.

Exactly as the bad guys wanted.

Ozpin presses the doubt button.

Teams gets chaperone assignments.

JNPR requested a special Grimm bounty mission.

RWBY gets put on simple observation mission.

JNPR spends time tracking and eventually fighting nuckelavee grimm with Prof. Port.

Ren comes to terms with fighting the grimm that killed his parents.

Y’know, sub-plot stuff to relieve some main plot tension.

RWBY is sent with Dr. Oobleck into ruins to observe and document the growth rate of the non-hostile presence of the local *loud snoring*.

Actually sent near suspected White Fang supply depot with hope that they uncover it and fix problems.

Find it fairly easily after a little bonding moment or two with everyone.

Torchwick and Adam are in charge of train depot. (Torchwick gets the train, Adam gets the depot)

Ruby goes in on her own because she was told not to do things like that.

Ruby gets double-teamed by Roman and Adam. Neo watches like a little shithead.

Ruby fights like a demon but still gets bested.

Adam says that he is now bored and leaves Roman to finish up.

Oobleck and WBY show up.

Roman starts the train, tries to cheese it.

RWBY + Oobleck board the train.

Yang fights Neo.

Weiss fights masked White Fang member (later revealed to be Ilia).

Ruby and Blake fight Torchwick.

Oobleck fights the stormtroopers.

Neo, the crafty, dodgy, dexterity style, sly-bitch, kicks Yang, the brutish and blunt boxer, in the ass.

Raven pops up through a portal.

Neo am-scrays after almost getting her shit pushed in.

Raven says a scant few things to Yang and leaves her a trinket and a map, telling her to follow it when she can before leaving.

Weiss wins her fight.

Blake and Ruby kick Roman’s ass.

Discover train is full of dust explosives to blow up a chunk of Vale and let the grimm through in droves.

Was originally intended to be deployed before explosion but Roman decides ‘fuck it’ and tries to turn it into a kamikaze run at the last minute out of spite.

Oobleck disconnects the explosive cars.

Train still rams hole into central Vale.

Grimm incursion.

RWBY fights as best they can.

Almost get overrun when Teams CFVY, SSSN, and CEMN show up to help.

CEMN only involved because evil plan failed and they want to try and clean up any possible evidence.

Neo (in disguise) tries not to be obvious that she’s still tired from earlier.

Horde battle with large hydra (or something) grimm being final boss of season.

They kill it, of course.

After the battle RWBY thinks that the problem is more or less solved.

Adam is still loose but his plan is foiled and his co-conspirator, Roman, is in prison.

All they have to do is hunt him down.

If he’s going to try something, it’ll be at the tournament. RWBY will have an extra eye open during.

JNPR returns triumphant from their mission and wonders what the hell happened while they were gone.

Cinder is livid that plan-A failed and they lost their best chance to kill Ozpin.

Yeah, their plan is to fuck up Vale and get and chance to kill Ozpin.

Is reassured by the mysterious figure she’s talking to (Salem) that plans can change and still succeed.

Adam is looking through security footage taken from depot.

Sees Blake.

He smiles.

Season two done.

#RWBY #Ruby Rose #Weiss Schnee #Blake Belladonna #Yang Xiao Long #Cinder Fall #Emerald Sustrai #Mercury Black #Adam Taurus #Neopolitan #RWDE I guess #I regret nothing #How I would do... #Team CFVY

[cardinalcry]

Cardin’s Childhood and Team CRDL’s Whereabouts

Cardin’s mother left shortly after he was born, leaving only a crimson sash (the same sash Cardin wears in his V1 character design) for her son to remember her by. Whilst Cardin never got a clear answer as to why his mom left, he speculates that it had something to do with his father...

Cardin’s father makes Jacques Schnee look like a model-parent, and makes Qrow Branwen look sober. Every negative trait the RWBY fandom puts on Cardin? Well, Papa Winchester is that Cardin, times-ten. Papa Winchester is a drunk, a racist, a pigheaded moron, a bigot and a misogynist who preferred to leave his son in the care of frightened nursemaids (that is, whenever he wasn’t beating young Cardin for some perceived slight to his authority). Cardin quickly figured that he’d need to toughen-up and take the pain, and used agreeing with his father’s radical and horrific vocal outbursts on politics or Faunus as a quick-use ‘shield’. Cardin tried to make friends with the local kids, but Papa Winchester’s fearsome reputation made the local parents tell their children to stay away from poor Cardin. They’d slink away, tell him they weren’t allowed to play with him, and Cardin would withdraw further into the hellscape of his father’s creation. Obviously, Cardin hates his father for ruining any chance of a normal life, and he only stuck around for what little of the Winchester family fortune remained. As soon as that money dried-up, Cardin was on the first airship ‘bound to Beacon Academy. And he never looked back. Unfortunately, Papa Winchester’s ravings (combined with Cardin’s already closed-off understanding of Remnant, his broken home and his lack of close friends during childhood) gave Cardin a pretty f**ked view of the world. Whilst Ruby and Jaune came from idyllic childhoods and supportive family-dynamics that only assisted them in settling-in and finding friends, Cardin had something of a hard time. He first met Russel Thrush during the partner-finding exercise (purely by chance), and Dove Bronzewing and Sky Lark were later assigned to their team by the teachers to make CRDL. He thought he could call them ‘friends’, until they abandoned him to the Ursa.  Needless to say, CRDL’s interpersonal relationships needed some mending and reinforcing after that. By the time the start of V3 rolled-around, CRDL had made-amends to one-another and become something of a conventional team (as seen by Team CRDL actually winning their Vytal Festival team-match, and staying to protect the civilians in Vale during the final battle as other Huntsman teams fled.) As of Cardinal Cry’s AU version of V4, Russel, Sky and Dove are all under Professor Goodwitch’s supervision back in Vale. Together with their new leader Ciel Soleil, the newly-minted Team CRDS / Cards is helping to retake Vale and Beacon Academy by the Grimm that still infest the school grounds. Whilst they don’t know where Cardin is, Russel has been assured by Glynda that he’s on a very important assignment... ------ (Side Note = In Ireland, the name ‘Carden’ means "from the black fortress", which fits perfectly for someone born and raised in a hostile, evil environment).

#alternate universe #au #cardin winchester #rwby #cardinalcry #headcanon #russel thrush #dove bronzewing #sky lark #ciel soleil #glynda goodwitch #parents

[howlingday]

75% done with this team as we cover Volume 3 of the Official RWBY Manga Anthology, "From Shadows", starring Blake Belladonna.

Ruby looks up to Blake. I mean, it makes sense. Ninjas are so cool!

Neon Katt is kind of a racist. Like a pro-Faunus racist.

One of Blake's clones is stolen and sold on an online auction! The sale is from one "Jack-O-Lantern". But how can this be? Roman Torchwick is in prison! Also, someone (probably Yang) is too rough at playing bad cop.

Ruby and Blake bond by trading their books. Blake reads Ruby's simple romance fairy tales, and Ruby reads Blake's... less than Yang-approved stories.

Ruby and Yang love their burgers and fries super-sized!

Yang is upset at all the attention Blake is getting. Why? Because she's funnier than her! Also, just like Ruby and Weiss, Blake hates being called a "Cat", even though the evidence is against her.

Team RWBY find an abandoned kitten, so they take it upon themselves to care for the poor thing until they can find him a new home. One tiny issue for Blake, though, because she's been put in charge of the little guy and she's never had a cat before!

Cat ear party! Insensitive? A little, but at least it shows they like Blake's ears. Also, Ruby doesn't know what cat ears do (here's a hint, they don't catch on fire, or open fire). Also also, Weiss looks adorable in her cat suit!

Sweet justice! Team CFVY finally give Team CRDL a piece of their mind!

No one on Blake's team knows what sushi is.

This volume has so much more, but, as you know, tumblr, I can only show you guys so much.

- Bumbleby. So much Bumbleby! Like 90% Bumbleby.

- There's a spider Grimm loose in Beacon! It hunts around a mirror on the first floor at around midnight. It hunts by forcing you to face your darkest thoughts. Some students are missing, and I'm pretty sure they're dead.

- Blake and Zwei getting along, one paw at a time!

- Blake loves the smell of the harbor and the beach.

#rwby #blake belladonna #from shadows #rwby manga #team cfvy #team crdl #yang xiao long #ruby rose #bumbleby #sun wukong #neptune vasilias #bmblb

[idontknowwhattocallthisanymore]

CRDL for character hcs meme?

CARDIN

Sexuality Headcanon: Gay

Gender Headcanon: Cis male

A ship I have with said character: Cardin and Sage. Also archester. (would I even be me if I didn’t mention archester?)

A BROTP I have with said character: Velvet. I love the idea of Cardin getting his head out of his ass and apologizing to Velvet only to gain a second impulsive uncontrollable friend (the first is Russel)

A NOTP I have with said character: Velvet. Dude’s gay and that’s his sister

A random headcanon: Before she died, Cardin’s mom ( Áine) gave him her necklace. He hides it under his shirt (’not manly to wear a necklace, especially one with a little round pendant’) but he never takes it off. Often when he gets anxious or awkward, he’ll fiddle with it

General Opinion over said character: One of my favourites, when will he return from the war? Want him to have an opportunity to show that he’s been doing better

RUSSEL

Sexuality Headcanon: Gay

Gender Headcanon: Cis male

A ship I have with said character: Russel/Dove/Sky, or as I have dubbed it: Bird Boys

A BROTP I have with said character: Scarlet. They met at the Vytal festival, dated for a time, and decided to just be friends. They share hair tips and music and all together have a pretty fun time together. Cardin and Sun are never sure about this combination

A NOTP I have with said character: Him and any girl

A random headcanon: Russel’s actually not a very touchy person. You’d think he is, but he’s not. He’s fine with pda. It’s just not really his thing so much. He’ll only initiate it if it’s something he knows the person he’s with is okay with. Even then, he rarely ever does unless he’s sure it’s something they want in the moment

General Opinion over said character: Character development? Character development for a poor soul?

DOVE

Sexuality Headcanon: Gay (ya sensing a theme here, yet?)

Gender Headcanon: Cis male

A ship I have with said character: Bird boys

A BROTP I have with said character: Cardin. They both put up with the teams shit, though Dove definitely does it differently from how Cardin’d like most of the time. And by ‘differently’ I mean he ignores it

A NOTP I have with said character: Any girls

A random headcanon: He’s the Camera Man of CRDL. He has so many videos of them doing dumb things. It’s ridiculous

General Opinion over said character: It’d be nice to see him again. Nice for him to have some character development

SKY

Sexuality Headcanon: Bisexual

Gender Headcanon: closeted Nonbinary, mainly uses he/him

A ship I have with said character: Bird boys

A BROTP I have with said character: Neon. I don’t know why, but I feel like they’d be good for each other. Definitely interesting friends

A NOTP I have with said character: None that I know of

A random headcanon: Sky hides it, but he’s incredibly creative. He’s great at art (he was the kid who always drew on themself in pen), sings, plays the guitar.

General Opinion over said character: Please bring back and give development

#rwby #rwby headcanons #cardin winchester #russel thrush #dove bronzewing #sky lark #the team #cardin headcanon #russel headcanon #dove headcanon #sky headcanon #james answers #anonymous #i dont know who you are that keeps asking me questions #but i want you to know #i greatly appreciate you

[madmanwonder]

Ying: *Beating the everlasting crap out of Cardin*

Dove: Why is she beating up Cardin in the first place! He didn’t do anything to her!?

Navy: Jaune friendzone Ying and she didn’t take it well and now taking her anger and frustration at being in the friendzone by beating up your punkbitch leader ass up

Bleiss: Better get your asses ready for a brutal ass beating…ya’ bitches gonna to need it more than ever

Taupe: *Holding a medical box with a blank look*

The rest of the RDL: *Looking at Navy in horror, knowing they are next for ass-beating and no amount of running going to save them*

#rwby #rwby shitpost #team crdl #cardin winchester #russel thrush #dove bronzewing #sky lark #team bbnt #ying branwen #bleiss schnee #bleiss gele #navy soleil (rwby oc) #taupe white (rwby oc) #team bbnt au #got friendzone #friendzone #poor cardin #still funny #poor team crdl #still fun tho #drabble prompt #drabble

[rwby-nwbe]

Just Finished RWBY Volume 2...

...and HOLY HECK IT GOT BETTER.

[Warning: Spoilers for Volume 2 and Long Post.]

New antagonists! More huntsman action! More characters and interactions! And the fights, tho. THE FIGHTS!

*Ahem* Okay, clearly I just need to start from the beginning...

Episode 1

We start the new season by being reintroduced to our new antagonists, Emerald Sustrai and Mercury Black. They may be villains, but they're also obviously teens (Mercury radiates prick energy) and they're dynamic is entertaining. Also, RIP Tukson, he seemed like a nice dude...

We then cut back to Team RWBY and JNPR, who are apparently on break at the moment. It's also nice to see Sun again, and we also get to meet Neptune. Anyways, someone throws a pie in Weiss face, and you know what that means...

FOOD FIGHT!!!

Seriously, THESE KIDS ARE CRAZY. Ruby can apparently surf on lunch trays! Weiss used ketchup and a freakin' swordfish like Myrtenaster! Blake used baguettes and a sausage link like Gambol Shroud! Freakin' YANG was punching things with TURKEY! JAUNE... threw a melon, that was cool; nice to see that he's losing the noodleness of his body. NORA RIPPED OUT A PIPE, STUFFED IT TO A MELON, AND CALLED IT MAGNHILD! Note to self: never challenge Pyrrha to a fight near a vending machine (or anytime, really). Ren can kick WATERMELONS, and fight with LEEKS. HOW CAN THEY EVEN DIGEST ALL THAT FOOD!?

RIP Neptune's hair though, I hear grape is hard to wash out...

Then we cut back to the White Fang and Torchwick, who are then met with Mercury, Emerald, and later the great Cinder Fall herself. I'll admit, Mercury's funny but a jerk, and Emerald... I'm pretty sure I was mentally screaming "YOU'RE BEING MANIPULATED" when I saw her and Cinder. First she doesn't give Emerald a hug, then she tells her to not think and just obey? RED FLAGS. RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE.

Oh, speaking of Cinder, while she does radiate boss energy, I'm glad that I don't personally like her. I don't know what it is, but it might be the fact that she's treating everyone else like her pawns (and considering she used a chess piece later in this volume, I wouldn't be surprised). I mean, good villain, but like any good villain, I want her to get roasted, though that might not work given her Semblance.

Also, Roman Torchwick, you beautiful jerk, never change. I love ya, but I also love seeing you get dragged, which is what Emerald did to you at the end of this. Yep, I'm on board for this season!

Also, the new opening. I thought nothing could top "This Will Be The Day." I was wrong. Haven't listened to all of it yet, but "Time To Say Goodbye" SLAPS.

Episode 2

So, several things. There's board games, insert Yu-Gi-Oh reference here... Yang has too much power. Also, if I remember the lingo right, then this is also the episode where the White Rose shippers got crumbs, the White Knight shippers were once again denied, and where the Iceberg shippers were born (while the rest of us were titling our heads in confusion with Jaune). Jaune continues to be a social dork (what's with the blonde boys blowing Blake's secret? Don't think I've forgotten about Sun...). Blake is being consumed with the burden of RESPONSIBILITY. I feel that Blake. Oh, and the ending...

Why do out villains have to be clever enough to infiltrate the actual school!? And Weiss' "We're doomed." I hope that's not secret foreshadowing...

Episode 3

Jaune fails yet again at wooing Weiss (at least Yang comforts him at the end), and the gang begins their espionage. We meet Penny again, Weiss deals with her past, albeit briefly, and Penny... oh boy. She's hiding something, and the hiccups make it obvious. What could it possibly- oh...

Episode 4

Most of us had our suspicions, what with Penny's awkward demeanor and ludicrous super strength, but yep, she's a robot! Aw, get yourself a real one like Ruby. Oh, and Neptune's useless with Yang around. Speaking of, HEY, good to see you again, Junior! So Blake and Sun intercept the White Fang rally and... oh fudge they got giant robots. BAIL! We also get to see Neptune's weapon and Sun's semblance (before they nope off the road and leave the rest of the fighting to RWBY, while they go off and get ramen, the jerks...). Also, nice to see that they have team attack names (I believe some of them double as ship names), and this is where we get to meet the Ice Cream Queen Neopolitan (not to be confused with the now officially dubbed Ice Queen Weiss Schnee. If even the villains are calling you that, then congrats, you have a new title)! Neo then proceeds to give them the slip, and I personally believe that Yang only disliked Weiss' pun because it highlighted her failure.

C'mon Yang, at least she's TRYING!

Episode 5

Pyrrha is a combat queen. 'Nuff said. Suck it, CRDL.

Oh no. Mercury is both a smart aleck AND smart. This will not end well.

Blake, take a break. No, seriously, working yourself to death just because you think you can doesn't mean you should. You will only feel worse. TAKE A BREAK.

Well Jaune, mission failed. You'll get her next time.

Pyrrha Nikos. Sweetie. We're talking about Jaune Arc here. He's not gonna get the hints you're dropping unless that "hint" is a full blown irrefutable confession so obvious that even he can't screw it up. I know you want to help him because you like him (and yes, even like like him), but it's clear Weiss isn't interested, at least not now. Capitalize on that!

And our villain group continues to be dastardly. *Chuckles* We're in danger.

Episode 6

The dance draws near, and it seems that both Blake AND Jaune could use a pep talk!

Poor Blake. It appears your faunus trait makes you more cat-like than just the ears.

Also, poor Ren. He just wants a nice bath, but alas, the power of bromance.

Oof, tough love from Yang. Pretty good flashback, though. Also, Pyrrha, your selfless nature will be your undoing, listen to Nora.

...oh God, if I'm saying "listen to Nora" when the world isn't ending, we might ACTUALLY be in danger.

Aw, the dance looks fun. Poor Jaune, tho. Don't worry, at least Yang, Blake, and Sun are having a good time (and this is the part where I realize I'm becoming a SunnyBee shipper, crap). Poor Ruby, having to wear heels. Don't worry, Ozpin will keep you company.

Oh crap, the villain kids are here! What are you up to!?

Episode 7

This one gets the runner up for my favorite episode. Alternatively, I give it the title "Team Leaders Know What's Up."

Jaune, you may be a dumbass, but you're the rare "Surprisingly Competent Dumbass With A Heart Of Gold," and you get my respect for that. Being socially awkward with Ruby? Comedy gold. Putting things into perspective for Neptune? Props, my dude. Comforting Pyrrha? Friendship goals (even though it should be more than friendship goals, but hey, you put on the dress, I'll give you that). Nice dance moves, by the way, JNPR.

As for Ruby... drinking Jaune's punch? Iconic. Noticing Cinder sneaking away? Nice. Fighting her in heels of all things? You, my dear red reaper, are on another level. A shame that Ironwood couldn't get there faster and that Cinder had to bail, but oh well.

Also: Penny continues to be heckin' adorable. I will never NOT stan.

Episode 8

HEAR YE, HEAR YE, THE NOBLE DOG ZWEI HAS GRACED US WITH HIS ADORABLE PRESENCE. Tremble before his ability to fit in boxes and melt Weiss' heart. Oh, and RWBY gets exposed to Ozpin, but surprise! Even Ozpin doesn't have to play by the rules! Though that could get him in trouble with Ironwood later...

Why does this show keep showing me characters that I want to get to know better in record time!? Team CFVY looks so interesting, and it's nice to see Velvet again! Ooh, I hope we see them more later...

Also, Professor Oobleck, I know we saw a bit of you in Volume 1, and I wish we got to know you better. You seem delightful.

Episode 9

Okay, my previous statement of DOCTOR Oobleck still stands. I love this chaotic fast man.

He's both funny AND deep! His reaction to Zwei? Comedy gold! Him picking apart RWBY's motives and the Grimm? Disturbingly thought provoking, but enjoyable. Also, Ruby, you're great, but you're not entirely a genius, you're just a little bit lucky.

In conclusion: there are a lot of characters to stan in RWBY. Dr. Oobleck is one of them.

Episode 10

We learn about WBY's motivations, now excuse me while I go crying in the club right now.

OH NO, RUBY GOT KIDNAPPED! AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE HER SCYTHE! FRICK, it's a mindset kind of deal! Without her scythe, she thinks she's useless! Oh, and Roman's there too, that's not good.

...that is REALLY not good, Oobleck! Get down there, all of you! Wait, is your thermos... your WEAPON!? HOW THE FU-

(Sidenote, I looked up the name, since most weapons have them and I'm impatient for them getting name dropped. "Antiquity's Roast," eh? Fitting...)

Episode 11

So... this episode.

Poor Ruby. She failed to fight back, she almost ran away but then it turns out Melodic Cudgel is also a GRAPPLING HOOK. Thank god Yang and company finally busted their way in.

...why are Roman and the White Fang going kamikaze with those train car bombs? Oh right, the Grimm. Crap, that ain't good.

Ah, Oobleck. You may have accidentally repeated Ruby's line, but a swig of your thermos/club/flamethrower and then using it to bat Zwei into a cannonball of death redeemed you!

So Neo's back. She's skilled, sassy, has something going on with her eyes... Oh boy, Yang's getting outclassed by a pipsqueak. That's gotta suck.

Does every faunus (baring Blake, Sun, etc.) hate the SDC? Seriously Weiss, what did your father DO!?

Roman, do not get flirty with Blake. Junior tried something similar with Yang way back in the Yellow Trailer, and he got socked in the face. You deserve that kick in the head.

Oh look, Yang's mom is here! Nice, now Neo can't kill her (don't you dare, you little ice cream, I swear...). Oh. OH. That's a big sword. Yeah, ya better run, Neo. You ain't winnin' this fight. Great, now I want to know what Yang's mom's deal is. Figures she just warped away afterwards...

And now the Grimm are above ground. Yeah, seems like a good time for the season finale.

Episode 12

Now THIS is my favorite episode.

Look at that, Jaune's getting good instincts! And it's nice that Team JNPR was able to help RWBY. Also nice that Jaune can actually kill a Grimm now. Good job, man. You earned Pyrrha's smile of approval.

As much as I'm wary of the antagonist trio, I'll admit, they can fight good. Especially Emerald, her guns are sick. Why am I warming up to her so fast? What is this magic!?

...CFVY. CFVY. WHY ARE Y'ALL SO BADASS? Seriously, Yatsuhashi's carying an entire sword and a half. Fox just pulled a Ren and caused a Grimm to explode. Coco... God, Coco- WHY DOES RUBY HAVE SO MANY QUEENS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!?

"You just destroyed my favorite clothing store. Prepare to die."

I-FREAKING-CONIC!

And she just murders Grimm with a BRIEFCASE. That turns into a GATTLING GUN. BECAUSE OF COURSE IT'S ALSO A GUN. (BTW, Gianduja is a really cool name for it.)

And now I want to know Velvet's weapon! It doesn't look like much now, but apparently it took a semester to build. And we know that Velvet can fight based on what we saw with her and Fox, so how does she ADD to that!?

THAT TRACK IN THE BACKGROUND, TOO! "CAFFEINE~" HELL YEAH!!!

Ooh, Port and Oobleck teamup! Oh no... THE GLYNDA IS MAD PEOPLE. I REPEAT, THE GLYNDA IS MAD! SHE HAS NO PATIENCE FOR YOUR GRIMM BS!!!

Welp, Roman got handled, though I doubt it's for long... Yay, RWBY finally gets a break! Oh boy, trouble brewing between Ozpin and Ironwood, that ain't good.

...bull man's back. Uh, guys, Adam's back! And he's helping the bad guys! THIS IS REALLY NOT GOOD.

...oh, so your name is Raven? And that's what you look like under the mask. There's the resemblance... Oh boy, where have you been all of Yang's life?

...

So all in all, Volume 2 was even better than Volume 1, in my opinion. It's like they took the first volume and amped it up to 11. Longer runtimes, great comedy, great action sequences, great CHARACTERS. It's just a complete trip! 10/10, would ride again. Welp, it's getting late, so I can't immediately start Volume 3. But what Volume 2 gave us is good enough to tide me over.

...I am so glad I started this series. Well, this is goodbye for now. Cheers, internet!

-Mathewton, the RWBY Newbie (22 March 2020)

#rwby #liveblog #kinda #rwby volume 2 #rwby vol 2 #ruby volume two #team rwby #team jnpr #team cfvy #ruby rose #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #jaune arc #nora valkyrie #pyrrha nikos #lie ren #coco adel #fox alistair #velvet scarlatina #yatsuhashi daichi #roman torchwick #emerald sustrai #mercury black #cinder fall #i've said this a lot but... #I WILL NOT BE READY FOR VOLUME 3 #can't wait! #rwby-nwbe #penny polendina

[luimnigh]

Neo v. Emerald and Phyrra v. all of the Ace-Ops

Neo vs Emerald

The two illusionists!

Honestly, though, it’s a tough question. Neo’s semblance is better in combat than Emerald’s, as Emerald’s requires active concentration and line of sight on the target, while Neo’s are solid things she can leave behind, and render herself invisible, thus nullifying Emerald’s semblance. 

Emerald, meanwhile, has the better weapons, with the advantage at range, long-range melee and short-range melee. Neo’s parasol is better on defense, however, so it plays more into her fighting style.

Ultimately, I think Neo takes this fight. Her semblance counters Emerald’s.

Pyrrha vs The AceOps

The AceOps.

Don’t get me wrong, Pyrrha is a spectacular fighter who has take on entire teams before, but the AceOps are on a vastly different level to CRDL. They’re the best Huntsmen and Huntresses Atlas has to offer. On a 1v1, Pyrrha could do well against most of them, but she doesn’t have the ability to leverage the poor teamwork with this group like others can (if it exists: you said all the AceOps, so I assume you mean Clover as well). 

Plus, Marrow’s semblance is difficult to counter solo, and Vine outright doesn’t use his weapon, using his semblance for combat instead, which dilutes some of Pyrrha’s usual advantage. 

#rwby #neo politan #emerald sustrai #pyrrha nikos #aceops #rwby7 #Anonymous #asks

[zerolympiustrife]

ZOS’ short stories 40

Title: Battle of the Blondes: Jaunathon Arc vs Yang Xiao Long! (RWBY)

The grand sequel to my 20th short story! I’ve had so many plans to make a new SS involving more puns, but also add in some yo mama jokes and pick-up lines to mix it up! Here we go!

Note: Also, same as the 20th SS, this contains Dragonslayer (Jaune x Yang)

————————————————————

*In a large stadium, Teams RWB, PR, CFVY, SSSN, CRDL, Oscar, Winter, Penny, Neo (who’s disguised), Ozpin, Glynda, Port, Oobleck, Qrow, Taiyang, Jaune’s parents, and multiple other folks are sitting on the stands, then Nora suddenly appears from the ceiling, lands on the boxing ring-esque platform with a three-point landing, and grabs a microphone*

Nora (yelling): LADIES...AND GENTLEMEN!!! WELCOME...TO THE JOKE-OFF!!!

*The crowd cheers*

Nora (pointing to her left): IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN THIS CORNER...we’ve got a gorgeous, dorky boy hailing from who-knows-where! His papa’s “gun” fires more “shots” than a gatling gun and his mama’s loose on the “lips” but wide on the hips! Please welcome...

*The spotlight hits Jaune, who’s wearing a Luchador wrestler’s outfit that has fake bunny ears, fake bunny tail, and a circular symbol that has a jackhammer inside the symbol, but has bunny ears on top of said symbol, and it’s placed on the chest of his outfit*

Jaune (embarrassed): Oh...why did I agree wear this silly outfit again...?

Pyrrha (cheering): Go, Jaune! You’ve got this!

Nora (grinning): THE HUMAN JACKHAMME- I mean, JACKRABBIT!!!

*The entire audience cheers for Jaune, except for a certain team, who’s booing him*

Cardin: BOOOOOO!!! BO-

*Papa Arc, who’s sitting behind Cardin, places his fist over Cardin’s head, then pounds him into unconsciousness. Team RDL, who sees this, immediately runs like hell, leaving their unconscious leader behind*

Nora (pointing to her right): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND IN THIS CORNER...we’ve got a spunky, fierce woman hailing from the island of Patch! Her papa’s had two wives in his life, and out popped two awesome children! Not much is known about his former significant others, but give it for...

*The spotlight hits Yang, who’s also wearing a Luchador wrestler’s outfit that has fake dragon horns, fake dragon wings, and a fake dragon tail, and the circular symbol she has on her chest is an hourglass, with golden horns, wings, and a tail around the symbol*

Yang (smirking): Heh. This’ll be fun.

Ruby (cheering): Go, Yang! *Whistles*

Nora (grinning): THE SUNNY LITTLE DRAGON!!!

*The entire audience cheers for Yang, although the roaring applause is louder this time*

Jaune (sighing): ...I can tell who’s the one the audience thinks is gonna lose. *Glaring at everyone* But I’ll be sure to prove ‘em wrong.

Nora (whispering to Jaune): Just so you know, I’ve got the upmost faith in you, fearless leader.

*Jaune smiles from hearing this, then stands up*

Tai (whispering to Yang): Go get ‘em, Yang! Remember the training!

*Yang grins from hearing this, then stands up*

Nora (runs back into the center): ROUND ONE!!! ...Is the Pun-off! Remember the “Hammerspace” technique I’ve taught you two about. Good luck! *Runs off the platform*

*Jaune and Yang approach eachother closer, then engage in a DBZ-styled staredown*

Yang (smirking): You wanna make the first move, or should I, vomit boy? Or should I say...vomit bunny?

Jaune (glaring): ...Ladies first, as they say.

Yang (eyes widened): Ooh! A gentlemen on the first date, are we? Very well! Allow me to take the first... *Pulls out a pistol and a glass of alcohol* ...shot. *Fires into a spotlight and it breaks, then takes the shot of alcohol*

*Suddenly, Jaune feels a pain in his chest*

Jaune (shocked, internally): W-Whoa! D-Did I just feel physical pain? Just from Yang making a pun?!

Yang (crossing her arms): I’m waiting for you, vomit bunny.

Jaune (shaking off the pain): ...Good thing Grimm aren’t involved in this fight. Otherwise, we’d be in a Grimm situation.

*Suddenly, Yang feels pain from her right shoulder*

Yang (surprised, internally): W-What the...? Could this be some kind of force where making jokes and puns actually inflicts physical pain on you...?! Interesting! *Speaks up* Wanna know what’d we have to call Weiss if she ever got robbed? Heist Schnee!

Jaune (smirking): What’s the special seasoning that hails from the Schnee Manor? Spice Schnee!

Yang (smirking): Is that where salt comes from?

*Weiss glares at Yang*

Jaune: Yeah, and you gotta pay the price from that Schnee! The Price Schnee!

Yang (holding her body in pain): D-Don’t get frozen by her again! Once frostbitten, Weiss shy, as they say!

Weiss (holding her face): Goddamnit, not this again...

Jaune (also holding his body in pain): H-Hey, Yang! Good thing Oscar’s last name isn’t Palms! Or that Ruby’s last name isn’t Rosie! Otherwise, if they were to suddenly marry, and we went on a double date, we’d have to go on a date with Rosie Palms!

*Oscar holds his face in embarrassment, while Tai squints at him*

Tai (internally): Don’t you dare date my little rose.

Yang (squinting): He better not. Otherwise, if he ever dates my papa’s little rose, he’d be a thorn on my side.

Jaune: That pun made me so corny. *Pulls out a corn on the cob*

Yang: Really? I thought that pun made me so horny. *Points to her fake horns*

Jaune: I wouldn’t advise porning over an evil pervert.

Yang: Hell hath no fury like a woman porned.

Jaune: Ain’t that a damn flame. *Holds out a lighter and turns it on*

Yang: I wouldn’t bother reading a painfully slow, yet bitter argument between jerks on the internet. Otherwise, it’d be a Frame War.

Jaune: I’d be frightened if they were clingy and obsessive yanderes. Or else it’d be a Claim War.

Yang: But an argument between folks who’re boring would definitely be a Lame War.

*Jaune falls to the floor, clutching his body in pain, and blood coming out of the mouth and nose*

Nora (counting down): One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten! The Sunny Little Dragon wins the first round!

*The audience cheers, but Yang holds her body in pain*

Yang: Agh...I can still go on!

Nora: Nonsense. We gotta take a five minute break. We’ll be right back, folks!

*5 minutes later...*

Nora (in the center): ROUND TWO!!! ...Is the same as last time, good luck! *Leaves*

Jaune: Allow me to take the first shot this time! *Pulls out a camera and takes a bright photo shot of Yang, accidentally blinding her*

Yang (rubbing her eyes): Agh! *Eyesight comes back* What a dirty shot!

Jaune: At least it wasn’t a dirty pot. *Pulls out a dirty pot*

Yang: You and your sisters sure are a dirty lot.

Jaune: Hey...what’s do you call a polyamory couple that makes fun of everybody? A Polyamockery!

Yang: How does a homosexual horse faunus whinny? “GAAAAAAAY”!!!

Jaune: How does a religious donkey faunus preach? “Now, let us BRAY!”

Nora (walks back in): Halt! Let me rephrase that: Did I say more puns? What I actually meant to say is...PICK-UP LINES!!!

*The audience starts “ooh!” and “ah!”ing*

Nora (walks off): Good luck!

Yang (grinning): Alrighty then! *Ahem* Are you religious? ‘Cause you’re the answer to all my prayers!

Jaune (smiling): Was your dad a boxer? ‘Cause goddamn! You’re a knockout!

*Tai snickers at that line*

*Yang and Jaune start feeling the pain inflicted upon their bodies*

Yang: You owe me a drink! ‘Cause when I looked at you, I dropped mine!

Jaune: I felt a little off today, but when you appeared, you definitely turned me on.

Yang: Is there an airport nearby? ‘Cause I feel my heart taking off!

Jaune: That’s too bad. I was wondering if you had an extra heart, ‘cause mine was just stolen.

Yang: Can I follow you everywhere you go? ‘Cause my dad always told me to follow my dreams!

Jaune: I’m cute, and you’re pretty! And together, we’d be pretty cute!

*Yang falls to her knees*

Yang: Gah! Rgh... *looks up at Jaune* ...I know this is gonna sound cheesy, but...I think you’re the gratest.

Jaune: I’ve heard of a new disease called beauty, and I believe you’re infected!

Yang (gritting her teeth): If...if you were a vegetable, you’d be a cutecumber.

Jaune: Did you just come out of the oven, ‘cause damn, you’re hot!

*Yang hits the ground, with blood coming out of her ears*

Nora (counting down): One, Two, *deep breath* ThreeFourFiveSixSevenEightNineTen! Human Jackham- err, Rabbit, wins the second round!

Jaune (falls to his knees): Agh...things are getting intense now...

Nora: We’ll be right back in ten minutes this time!

*10 minutes later...*

Nora: Now...for the FINAL ROUND!!! ...No puns, no pick-up lines...this time...it’s YO MAMA JOKES!!!

*The audience leans theirs head in with anticipation*

Yang: Hold on... *looks to Jaune* ...Which mama will you be making fun of?

Jaune: The alive one. The one you hate.

Yang (glaring at him): Good. *Turns to Mama Arc in the audience with a smile* Just so you know that I love you and don’t take my yo mama jokes against you so seriously!

Mama Arc (giggling): I promise!

Nora: GOOD LUCK!!! *Runs off*

Yang: You go first, or shall I?

Jaune: You, but first, I think we should kick it up a notch... *Activates his semblance and starts to glow*

Yang (eyes widened): Ooh! I agree, bunny boy! *Activates her semblance, eyes turn red, and hair glows bright*

*The audience gasps at this sight, with Penny analyzing their power*

Ruby: Penny! What does your sensors say about their power levels?!

Penny (eyes widened): Friend Ruby! It’s...

Ruby: It’s...?

Penny: It’s over...

Ruby: It’s over...?

Penny: It’s over- *Starts to malfunction* Overoveroveroveroveroveroveroverererererererererererererererer- *Steam pops out of her ears*

Tai (surprised): Whoa! Ruby, is your friend okay?

Ruby (shaking Penny): Penny? Penny? Hey! Penny!

Penny (eyes go static): Penny.EXE has stopped working. Please wait until she reboots.

Ruby (sighing): Okay, good. I scared for a moment there...that she was gonna explode or something...

Yang (clearing her throat): Yo mama’s so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it!

Jaune (clearing his throat): Yo mama’s so poor, she went flying after a garbage truck with a grocery list!

Yang: Yo mama’s so fat, the only good grade she got in school was an “A” in lunch!

Jaune: Yo mama’s so ugly, she makes the blind go crippled!

Yang: Yo mama’s so fat, when she pressed the “UP” button on the elevator, it went down!

Jaune: Yo mama’s ugly, she’s the reason why they have to turn off the lights in a movie theater!

Yang: Yo mama’s so fat, that when she takes a shower, her feet don’t get wet!

Jaune: Yo mama’s so stupid, she stuck a scroll up her butt and said she was making a booty call!

*The audience starts getting pushed back*

Ren: W-Whoa!

Velvet: Are you feeling that?

Sun: Did it just get windy all of a sudden?

Blake: Huh, looks like I wasn’t the only one who noticed that.

Winter (to Qrow): Wow. Stiff competition.

Qrow (to Winter): Competition’s not the only thing that can get stiff. *Chuckles*

*Winter’s face turns red, then glares at Qrow*

Penny (shaking her head): Ah! Apologies! I needed to reboot, friend Ruby. Because friend Jaune and friend Yang’s power levels are “off the roof” as humans say!

Ruby (in awe): Wow!

*Back to the fight*

Yang: Yo mama so stupid, she sold her car for gas money!

Jaune: Yo mama so fat, she fell in love and broke it!

Yang: Yo mama so loose, she gives birth faster than a rabbit faunus!

Jaune: Yo mama so dumb, since she can transform into a bird, she thought having sex on a broken tree branch with yo daddy was a good idea!

Yang: Yo mama’s like a nursery, if possible, she can hold a human-shaped yoga ball-sized stomach of babies!

Jaune: Yo mama’s so creative, when she turns into a bird, she can go to the bathroom anywhere she wants!

Yang: Yo mama so creative, she put on hen costume, built a nest, shoved hard-boiled eggs up her upstairs, and began laying them!

Jaune: Yo mama so fat, even if I amp you up, you can’t pick her up!

Yang: Yo mama’s so awesome...!

*Jaune, Mama Arc, and the entire audience’s eyes widened upon hearing this*

Yang (smiling): ...She gave birth to an awesome son.

*Jaune doesn’t say anything, but starts blushing like mad*

Mama Arc (blushing): Oh~!

*Papa Arc chuckles and sheds a tear*

*Ren and Pyrrha smile hearing this*

Yang (smiling): Hehehe...you can’t say anything against that, can you?

Jaune (shaking his head): Actually, I can!

Yang (confused): Oh?

Jaune (taking a deep breath): Your mother...is so stupid, so dumb...

*Yang falls back, looking up at Jaune*

Jaune: So ignorant, so dense, dull, moronic, idiotic, foolish, imbecilic, halfwitted, mindless, unintelligent, reckless, thoughtless, dimwitted, naive, and dead in the fucking brain...! *Holds out his hand towards her*

Yang: ...Huh?

Jaune (smiles): ...She abandoned such an awesome family...an awesome daughter...an awesome father...for the sake of a stupid tribe that everyone hates.

*Yang’s eyes widened*

Ruby (sobbing): Ooohhhh! *Cries into Penny’s chest*

Penny (shocked): Friend Ruby! Is something alright?

*Tai chuckles from hearing this, but also sheds a tear*

*Weiss and Blake smile hearing this*

Yang (grabbing his hand): Oh...Jaune...! *Gets pulled off of the ground and places her face into Jaune’s chest, wrapping her arms around him* ...Don’t ever leave me...I don’t...I don’t want to be abandoned again... *starts crying*

Jaune (hugging her): No one knows what the future holds, Yang.

*Yang looks up at him, her eyes are still red*

Jaune (smiling): But don’t get the wrong idea. I promise I won’t leave you.

*Yang smiles, her eyes turn lilac, then kisses him firmly on the lips*

*The audience starts “aww”ing at the couple*

Nora (sniffling): L-L-Ladies...and G-Gentlemen...I-I don’t what to say about this... *sniff* ...It’s a draw! Both of these two are winners! Both the Rabbit and Dragon win!

*The audience stays silent for a second, then starts clapping*

Jaune (stops kissing): Shall we, my Dragon Queen?

Yang (giggling): Hmhmhm~! Take me, my Bunny Knight!

*Jaune picks up Yang bridal carry-style, then runs out of the stadium*

*Meanwhile, at the Branwen tribe...*

*Raven is just minding her own business, then suddenly, she feels a nerve in her head*

Raven (clutches her head angrily): ...Motherfucker.

Vernal: Is something wrong, Raven?

Raven: I don’t know why, but...I just had the painful feeling that someone, somewhere, some smart mouthed little shit unleashed a series of insults upon me.

Vernal: Oh...we should hunt this person down?

Raven (shaking her head): Nah, forget it. I couldn’t care less what everybody says or thinks about me.

Vernal: Okay...

Raven (internally): But I do want to find out who this person is...

*Meanwhile at Beacon...*

*Jaune, who’s carrying Yang, barges into Team JNPR’s room*

Jaune (putting Yang down): That was quite a workout.

Yang (laying down on his bed): Thanks for the ride, ladykiller.

Jaune (attempts to take off his costume): Rgh...Might as well...take off...these stupid outfi-

*RIIIIIIIP!*

*Jaune’s eyes widened, then looks at Yang, who ripped and made a hole in a certain area on her costume, then looks at Jaune with bedroom eyes*

Yang: Who said we were taking these off? C’mere, bunny boy.

*Jaune walks over to Yang*

*RIIIIIIIP!*

*Yang rips a hole in a certain area in Jaune’s costume, then his...”sword” bounces out into the open*

Jaune (blushing): Ahh...

Yang (spreading her legs): Ladykiller...hmhmhm~...make like a rabbit...and do me like one.

*Jaune’s face turns more red, but then he smiles, and obliges*

#zos short stories #rwby #Dragonslayer #jaune x yang #yang x jaune #jaune arc #yang xiao long #ruby rose #penny polendina #taiyang xiao long #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #lie ren #pyrrha nikos #nora valkyrie #winter schnee #qrow branwen #raven branwen #velvet scarlatina #sun wukong #oscar pine #vernal

[melonishus]

(RoseBird AU) Raven being protective around Ruby during a Parents Day at Beacon, and when she sees Ruby getting bullied by a "certain bully" *cough* Cardin *cough* and the rest of tea, CRDL *cough*, she shows not to mess with her daughter.

[Cardin holds Zwei out the third story window while his team holds Ruby down]

Ruby - Cardin,let him GO.He’s scared

Cardin - Poor choice of words [drops Zwei]

[A portal opens beneath Zwei and teleports him safely into the room]

Cardin -  Uh oh

[RDL releases Ruby and backs off as Raven glides forward]

Raven - Uh oh indeed

Ruby - =D

[Raven effortlessly picks up Cardin and chucks him out the window] 

Raven - See how you like it

*THUD*

Summer- [walks forward to join Raven] Where did you portal  him to ?

[Raven looks confused]

Summer- You know, when you dropped him

[Raven looks out the window at Cardin as he lays broken on the ground below. Through his searing pain, he looks up at Raven as she looks down at him coldly]

Raven - [mouthing] Don’t mess with my daughter boy

[Raven opens a portal beneath him, sending him to the hospital before closing it as Summer comes to look]

Raven - I "dropped” him off at home

Summer- That was nice of you =)

_____

Writing Requests are OPEN

#rwby #rosebird #raven branwen #summer rose #melon skits #dshadow101

[the-rwby-headcanons]

I love Dadpin way too much so I decided, since I’m trash, I’d ask for some Dadpin angst. If not then you can do wholesome Dadpin. (everyone likes wholesome amirite?)

I love me some good ol' Dadpin fluff but I'll add a tiny bit of angst since you requested it! Seems like people really like my Dadpin headcanons. Let me know if you want more of these!

~ Mod Atari 💕

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dadpin is dad to most. Except team CRDL. They just don't learn so sometimes he has to give some tough love to those rascals.

Ozpin doesn't have favorites, but if you asked he'd say Glynda since she's been around him the longest

If he's annoyed at her he'd say Oobleck just because when she gets agrivated its entertaining

Team RWBY stops by the office at least once a month because he likes to make sure the team is okay. They do have a younger leader. And its totally not about checking up on his favorite children no sir.

If you ever want extra lessons from him, all you have to do is leave an offering of a new coffee mug and the best grinds you can find. The better they are the longer he'll help

Ruby figured out that if you add creamers and sugar he adds an hour. No one figured it out since they assume he likes it black

He's actually really fond of cream and sugar. Bitterness throws him off

He put Cardin in the corner once cause he was "Pouting like a brat". He ended up sulking there for half an hour

Ozpin is actually stronger than most think physically. He sometimes absentmindedly picks up the couch when he cleans. With people on it.

He's somewhat of a mother hen. He tries to keep the girls of the school away from the boys and breaks up any romantic scenes

"Remember stay away from boys, they're hormonal vultures." "Aren't you technically a boy too?" "Irrelevant."

As much as he's protective of the girls he's quite the same with the boys. He may rough house with them sometimes but he tends to teach them the things their fathers should when they're at Beacon. Shaving, tie tying, the works.

He and Glynda are the parents of the school and everyone knows it. Every other staff member is like an aunt or uncle

They actually get called Mom and Dad jokingly by the student body

Whenever someone gets in trouble Ruby and Yang yell

"OOOOOO YOU'RE GONNA BE IN TROUBLEEEEEE! MOOOOM! DAAAAAAD!"

It almost always sends kids into a frenzy like "please no quiet ruby pLEASE!-"

No one is immune.

The staff tends to dote on Ruby and Velvet since they're more soft spoken and kind.

When kids graduate, they tend to come by for tea to speak with Ozpin for advice or to just catch up. They do miss Dadpin after all

HERE IS THE ANGST LINE Y'ALL HAVE BEEN WARNED

Once Ozpin got connected to Oscar he felt like a failure

How was he supposed to protect them now that he didn't have a body of his own?

All he could do was scream in the head of some poor child he was made to possess because of some ancient magic. He never believed in his spirit taking over someone so young. Why couldn't it have been an adult!?

Its not to insult Oscar but he doesn't feel okay giving this kid his burden.

When he saw the kids through Oscars eyes he wanted to bawl. They were safe. Alive and safe.

He secretly wouldn't be able to handle if something happened to Ruby. She resembled one of his first ever children and it would've tore out his heart

When the teams gave him the cold shoulder he knew he deserved it. He dragged them into this mess of a war when they were supposed to be enjoying their childhoods.

When he found out Phyrra died the guilt tore into his chest. Well his imaginary one. She didn't deserve this fate.

He regretted ever telling her about the fall maiden. It was Ironwoods idea and no matter how much he protested he knew she'd be the best one to be the new maiden.

But now she was gone and it was his fault. Both the old maiden and Phyrra's death was on his shoulders

He tried to give the kids comfort when he was in control of the vessel (Oscar's body) but it was awkward and not the same. It made him so frustrated

Sometimes he wishes he was never cursed.

#rwby headcanon #rwby blog #rwby #professor ozpin #glynda goodwitch #oobleck #bartholomew oobleck #team rwby headcanons #teamjnrp #team crdl #team jnpr #teamrwby #oscar #qrow mention #rwby qrow #qrow #qrow branwen #uncle qrow #dadpin