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#so yeah it’s not just about “when’s the next update” or “why did you write your own fic this way” comments
mothdruid · 1 day
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Within the past 72 hours the TGM fandom got a fire put under it's ass, for lack of a better term/phrase. Even though I'm not as active in the fandom anymore, it did make me want to talk about a few things. This isn't the first time that I've had to make a post similar to this, usually speaking about reblogs and keeping your fanfic writers feeling wanted within the fandom spaces, but today I'm going to talk more about fandom etiquette and my experiences in fandom spaces. So, if you want to hear my opinion on fandom etiquette, how I learned fandom etiquette, and my thoughts about the doxing situation that has happened, keep on reading.
My Fandom Experience.
The first fandom that I was ever a part of was The Hunger Games fandom in the 8th grade (if you don't include my anime fandoms). I was 12-13 at the time. This was when I was first introduced to Tumblr and being involved within a fandom online. At the time I was super young, barely even knew who I was as a person, let alone in a fandom space. All I did was reblog little gifsets and fawn over Josh Hutcherson. I remember getting my first hate anon, even though I didn't do anything that would generate that to even happen. Even when I was 12-13, I couldn't understand why anyone would send a hate anon. That was when I found out a friend of mine found my Tumblr and actually secretly hated me, so she sent me hate anons. Still, before I knew it was her I didn't understand.
Fandoms were a formative part of my childhood. I think that main one that helped form me though was the Supernatural (yeah, I know, eye roll), Naruto, and The Hobbit fandoms. I had made friends on Tumblr and Instagram through these fandoms. During these times was when I had first started consuming fanfiction. Specifically, destiel and thilbo fanfiction. This is how I started to find the things in fanfiction that I loved, and the things that I hated. Instead of sending hate to the writers for their thoughts and stories that I didn't agree with, I would back out of the story or just scroll past. Not only that, I also started to use the filters on AO3 constantly, ensuring that I was only reading the fics that I knew I'd enjoy. Also, I was careful to read warnings and tags prior to reading the fic. Never once did I blame the writer for something that I knew I didn't like and accidentally read or read for see what it was about.
After high school was when I started getting into fanfiction writing. I've written for a lot of fandoms during this time. The IT movies, Total Drama, Haikyuu, Attack on Titan, Marvel, Bridgerton, Top Gun: Maverick, and currently ASOIAF. As a writer I've never gotten hate, thankfully, but I have had a lot of friends that have. It's sad to see so many people who take the time to write, whether it's enjoyable or not, receive hate. As writers we are simply expressing our creativity for the things that we love. Since posting fanfiction on tumblr, I have experienced a lot of people pestering for new updates and when the next fic is, and so have a lot of other writers on here. Even though people only know us as a little icon and username, fanfiction writers are people. We have lives outside of writing fanfiction. Everyone also isn't the same type writer. One person may easily write multiple fics every week, some of us take longer, and some of us are even just passion writers (me lol).
The TGM fandom has been one of the most negative fandom experiences I've ever seen/had. It is full of some of the meanest people/anons I've ever seen. From writers being attacked for fic ideas, people being sent hate for something that the anon has full control over, and people constantly expecting new stories to read on the daily. Yes, I do know that other fandoms have these issues, but it seems to be almost a weekly, hell, even daily thing within this fandom. A lot of the issues that I see happen in this fandom are from people who don't understand fandom etiquette.
Fandom Etiquette.
If you had noticed there was a few things I put in bold above. These are key things that I learned during my time that attribute to fandom etiquette. So without further a do, I'll list out some fandom etiquette rules that I follow all the time.
Don't send hate anons to people
Block/unfollow people you don't like
If you don't like an idea or fic, don't read it
Read through all warnings and tags that the writer provided
Use AO3 filters
Don't blame the writer/creator for reading things they created that you actively know you don't like
Writers/Creators aren't "content farms"
There are people behind these blogs/usernames, treat them like someone you'd see on the street
Writers/Creators are expressing love/passion for something, don't hate them for doing that
If you see something fandom related that you don't like, scroll past it or ignore it
YOU CURATE YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE (ESPECIALLY ON TUMBLR)
The Doxing Situation.
For those who are unaware but decided to read this anyways, recently there was a writer (Mama Mayhem) on here who got doxed from another writer in the fandom. Mayhem has since lost her job due to the doxing. This was apparently from her breaking HIPAA by posting a picture into a private groupchat/discord. This picture was posted almost a half year ago. Meaning that the person who reported/doxed Mayhem had known about this picture for months and only recently decided to do something about it.
I'll start by saying that I also work in healthcare, and know many other people here who do. I understand that a HIPAA violation is 100% an offense that gets you fired. I'm not excusing the HIPAA violation if one did occur.
Some people have brought up the idea that maybe the person that reported the picture, and doxed Mayhem, was doing it out of the goodness of their heart. Due to the timeline of it all, that doesn't seem likely. I had a previous coworker get fired for HIPAA violations and it took a total of a week from the initial report for her to be gone.
The biggest thing I want to convey is that TWO WRONGS CAN HAPPEN AT THE SAME TIME. Yes, if Mayhem violated HIPAA, it is wrong. But at the same time, the person held onto this information for months only to use it out of spite, pettiness, and cruelty, is wrong.
My Thoughts.
Due to Mayhem being doxed, a lot of people have decided to leave this platform, take indefinite hiatuses, stop writing, or move to AO3 exclusively., and I don't blame them. I'll be honest, I'm thinking about moving to AO3 exclusively now. AO3 feels a lot more rewarding in my experience. I already only post my fics for ships to AO3, so why not just post everything on AO3 (which I usually do).
I think a lot of people have forgot what it feels like to feel shame in something they say or do. When I say this, it's directed towards people who send hate or do other malicious things in fandom spaces. Fandoms were never this clique-ish and mean. I think it has to do with the pandemic, meaning that a lot of people who would have never joined a fandom did because they weren't allowed to do anything outside of their house. So, those mean girls that made fun of fandom girlies (g/n) previously, joined the fandoms and decided started bullying the people within them.
This situation is super shitty and people are now scared. It makes complete sense, especially after seeing someone, that many of you were close to, be doxed. A lot of people are scared of it happening to them now. I don't think this fandom will be the same after this situation, but who knows, maybe everyone will just forget and move on. Either way, I think I'll be taking a step back from the TGM fandom. I'll still be here, but until further notice, I won't be posting any TGM fanfiction. Maybe a gifset/picture here and there, but I don't think this is a fandom I feel comfortable writing for anymore.
If you've read all of this, thank you.
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xjustakay · 4 months
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y’all know that saying “writers are people, treat them like people!!” means you shouldn’t put them on a pedestal they didn’t ask to be put on, too, right……
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jasontoddiefor · 7 months
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Yeah sure we’ve all binged a long fic, but have you ever read a WIP and followed someone’s life?
Tidbits of information - (“I graduated today!”) - and small joys (“It’s my birthday!”) and you get to be there to say “This chapter made me cry, happy birthday, thank you for gifting us this”.
I remember reading this fic of someone at the end of high school, older than me then. They seemed infinitely wise, spoke of their future career and getting into the college they wanted. I remember them posting on days they felt like nothing could bring them down - and on days the whole world did and it’s the aftermath of a hospital visit. Cancer, I think it was, their father. I got to the end of the story, I know their father was fine, but also they got to finish their WIP. I graduated three years later than them, still dutifully wrote thank you notes in every comment. I wonder if they remember me, or just the collective of people reading the story as it updates.
Four years ago I was into my first year of university, my first year of figuring out being out in public spaces. I made excuses as to why my name didn’t match my paperwork and read a fic on the train, the same five chapters over and over again for the next years as I thought the story abandoned. It updated this week after such a long hiatus, I left another thank you comment.
There’s an author I love, they update their stories like a clockwork. When they don’t, I check their blog, just to see if their doing alright, not because I feel like they owe me, just to ensure whether I better get out my laptop to write that really detailed university level essay chapter analysis to get them smiling when their day sucked.
And then, once, when I was 17, I read a fic that hadn’t updated in over a decade. I wasn’t even in primary school when it started posting. On the last chapter, I left a comment that, in retrospect, was horribly rambly and most likely full of grammar mistakes. The author replied and though I couldn’t see their face, I thought of them crying. They were married now, had children, and hadn’t thought about this fic in years. They went through their files again, found another half written chapter and an outline. I got two new chapters to read that year.
And then, recently, someone told me they got back into writing original fiction because of my comments. I get to read nearly weekly chapters.
I love binge reading a finished fic, but nothing is ever going to top the feeling of anticipation of waiting for a chapter, the pure joy when someone tells you I was done with this, but you made me think of it again, so this is for you.
Anyway, I think we should romanticize reading WIPs more, growing up alongside the authors writing the stories we love.
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a-aexotic · 1 year
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grumpy!rafe and sunshine!reader where he’s obsessed with her and is so clingy. whatever you want to write about that tbh
pairing: rafe cameron x fem!reader
warnings: fluff!, rafe being mean (towards top LMFAO), mention of parties/drinking.
summary. when reader goes on a girls trip, rafe gets grumpy because his girl is gone because he's alone.
➜ missing out on updates? ❪ navigation. masterlist. taglist. ❫
part 2 !!
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You and Rafe were complete opposites. You two were so contrasting, everyone had questions but neither of you cared. You two were just in your own bubble, not caring about anyone else's opinion.
Rafe didn't like many people but more importantly, he loved close to no one. For a while he guarded his heart so furiously, everyone had just grown used to the fact he was just an asshole. Not you, you broke down those walls the moment you walked into his life.
He immediately liked you. But, he grew to love you. And so did you with him. You changed him as well for the better as well; everyone knew that Rafe became a better person when he got with you.
You had him whipped and he wasn't afraid to admit to anyone.
Rafe was sitting outside by the pool, annoyance filling his body. You were out of town for the weekend and he honestly had nothing to do except sulk around until you eventually came back. He heard the door slide open and he looked over to see Topper.
He groaned out load and sighed. "What do you want?"
"Dude, chill out."
"I am, Topper, your aura is just pissing me off." Rafe argued and Topper let out a laugh, taking a seat in the chair next to him.
"Aura? Dude, are you joking? You've been hanging around Y/N way too much man. It's been a year now and you guys are still in the honeymoon phase."
Rafe's nostrils flared as he turned back to his 'best friend.' "Well it's always the honeymoon phase if you found the right one, Top. You wouldn't know that because there is no right one for you."
Topper rolled his eyes in annoyance but before he could reply, Rafe continued.
"And I don't hang out with Y/N too much. It's a reasonable amount of time."
"Bro, when was the last we actually hung out?"
"Like last weekend dude, chill out. You're acting like I don't ever see you. You're always at my house, man, it's getting exhausting." Rafe sighed before Topper registered what he was saying and nodded.
"Oh, yeah. You're right. That party was awesome last weekend bro, wow. I forgot about it." Topper chuckled to himself and Rafe made a disgusted face.
"Why are you here anyway, Top?" Rafe got up from the chair and started walking inside; he needed a beer after the conversation with Topper.
He followed close behind. "Uh, Sarah was getting me my stuff back."
Rafe couldn't help but laugh to himself as Topper glared at him. "Sorry, man. I thought you were off that train a while ago, you're still on her? It's been like-"
"Dude, you wouldn't understand!"
Rafe heard the door open and the footsteps leading into the kitchen. He immediately put down his beer once he saw your face, a big smile forming on his lips.
"Y/N!"
You walked over to him with a grin playing on your lips as you embraced him tightly. He put his arms around your waist. As you let go he leaned in for a quick kiss on the lips as Topper furrowed his eyebrows in disgust.
"Get a room."
Rafe glared at him. "You realize it's my house, right, Topper?"
You laughed at your boyfriend's sarcasm. "Sorry, Top, you still haven't found a girlfriend?"
"Yeah, man. It's really hard to find a decent girl on this stupid island." Topper ran his hand through his hair, obviously stressed out. You held in a laugh.
Rafe put a hand on Topper's shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. "You'll find one soon, dude, don't worry. Now, if you don't mind leaving, me and my girl have to catch up."
"Oh, come on, it's been like two days!"
Rafe gave him a stern look before Topper rolled his eyes and groaned, walking away. Rafe faced you and gave you a kiss on your forehead, taking your hand in his.
He led you outside and he took a seat where he was sitting before. He spread his legs so you stand in between them as he grabbed your waist, pulling you in.
"Top's right, Rafe, it has only been-"
"Shhh, let me enjoy this moment."
You found a tiny bit amusing how clingy Rafe was. You took it as a compliment though, you were glad you were one of the only people who have ever had Rafe so whipped for them; maybe even the only one.
He pulled your waist in more and put his head on your stomach, finding comfort in you and your body. He looked up at you with a smile. "Missed you so much babe. I was bored all weekend, I literally only hung out here. But Topper kept annoying me."
You laughed at that, "Topper's your best friend."
"No, you are. He's just the dude I hang around with."
You shook your head. "Stop being mean, I know you care about him a tiny bit."
He rolled his eyes, "like the smallest bit."
You smiled at your boyfriend, putting your hands in his hair as he relaxed. "I missed you, too. So much, I kept saving your snaps because I missed your cute face."
He grumbled at the wording and you couldn't help but laugh again. "I mean, hot face."
He grinned, "that's better."
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fishfission-dc · 1 year
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Batfamily Powerpoint Night! (Part 5: Cass)
<<Part 4: Jason    |    Part 6: Steph >>
[Masterlist]
Cass: (signs) My turn :)
Steph: Before we begin, I want to clarify that I only wrote the words on the slide and they are exactly as Cass told me to write them. Everything else is alllllll her.
Bruce (stressed): If you are denying responsibility I can’t imagine what I’m about to see.
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Dick: Favorite colors? Steph what’s so bad about that?
Steph: It’s... you’ll see.
Cass: :)
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Jason: Shocking from a vigilante who called herself “Black Bat”
Tim: Steph this seems fine?
Steph (sweating): Guys just wait
Cass: :)
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Barbara: Specific...
Steph: I do love those shorts :)
Duke: Steph was that your big surprise?
Steph: Oh, no. No it’s not.
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Dick: Um so when did you take that photo of my bed? And why have you been in there enough to know my multiple sets of bedsheets?
Cass: :)
Tim: I mean they are a nice color
Dick: Aw thanks Tim
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Jason: UM? THAT IS A PHOTO OF MY KITCHEN?
Tim: We already established that we regularly break into your apartment
Jason: ROY INSTALLED THOSE TILES YESTERDAY.
Cass: :)
Jason: I hate all of you. But I’ll tell Roy that you like it or whatever
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Damian: Brown, I believe I am beginning to recognize the pattern that worried you.
[Stephanie sinks into her chair]
Duke: Oh no. Flattered, but oh no
Tim: Duke. Duke what is that
Barbara: Oh my god that’s like... iOS -5
Duke: LOOK I like my phone :(
Jason: So you haven’t updated it since 2010?
Duke: i get it i need to change my password can we please move on
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Tim: CASSANDRA.
Jason: Oh my god
Tim: WERE YOU IN THE CEILING? CASS WHAT IS THIS
Cass: :)
Damian: All of your inabilities to detect Cassandra’s presence is rather sad. I would know immediately if someone entered my space or tampered with my possessions.
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Jason: So I assume you knew all about this “tampering” then, Gremlin?
Damian: move forward move forward move forward
Dick: Aw, Damian! You never show us your art!
Damian: it’s not even finished please god stop looking at it Cassandra progress with the presentation
Bruce: That is very nice, son.
Damian: ...thank you Father.
Cass: :)
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Tim: IS THAT BRUCE SLEEPING
Jason: HOW DID YOU...?
Dick: Oh my god...
Bruce: I don’t even... okay. Yeah, sure. Thank you Cassandra.
Cass: :)
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Duke: Cass, I hope you know you terrify me.
Damian: This was... educational.
Steph: I thought that would go worse honestly
Tim: I mean we already know she’s kinda creepy like that, at least the intentions are good?
Jason: Or she’s totally messing with us. And I don’t think we’ll ever know that answer.
Cass: :)
Steph: Alright well I can go next :)
<<Part 4: Jason    |    Part 6: Steph >>
[Masterlist]
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reidreaders · 6 months
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Your Insta If You Were Dating Spencer Reid Pt. 5!
MASTERLIST
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Liked by chocthunder, jenniferj, and 192 others
y/n heading up to the mountains this weekend!
View all 37 comments
drreid I'm so excited to spend the weekend with you! Also, I'm very grateful that you agreed to drive 😊
-> y/n anything for you :)
davidrossi Have fun kids!
ssahotchner Enjoy the time off, I'm glad he's finally using some of his days.
-> y/n me too haha
babygirlpg I'M SO JEALOUS!! take lots of pics for me!!!
-> y/n sure thing penny
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Liked by ssahotchner, emprentiss, and 149 others
y/n dragged him up here early this morning to see the sunrise. as you can see, he is not happy
View all 32 comments
drreid I'm always happy when I'm with you, just extra tired this morning.
-> y/n ik baby it's okay
-> y/n also ur so sweet 😘
chocthunder I just know he HATED that
-> emprentiss I KNOW
-> drreid As I have previously stated, I did not hate it, I was just tired.
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Liked by davidrossi, babygirlpg, and 194 others
y/n found him outside like this when I woke up
View all 42 comments
drreid Why must you always post the most embarrassing photos you can find of me?
-> y/n it brings me joy :)
jenniferj he's just... standing there??
-> drreid I was admiring the mountains (not pictured).
chocthunder THE BOOTS
emprentiss I need one of those emergency eyewash things after seeing this
-> y/n he looks good and you know it
-> drreid Thank you!
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y/n Is he proposing or did he just bring me up here to watch the sunset?
View all 65 comments
drreid I am not proposing right now, I swear.
-> y/n I don't know if I believe you...
chocthunder Is pretty boy about to close the deal???
-> jenniferj I hope so!!!!!
-> babygirlpg me too! I love weddings and I LOVE love!!!
davidrossi @/drreid I think we should talk before you make any big decisions
-> drreid Guys! There is nothing to talk about!
-> emprentiss sure bud
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Liked by drreid, chocthunder, and 176 others
y/n update: he did not pop the question :(
drreid Maybe next time...
-> y/n don't even get me excitedddd
babygirlpg aww man I was excited
-> jenniferj me too :(
-> emprentiss me too tbh
-> chocthunder honestly yeah same
in my evil era lol hope you enjoyed this one!! requests are open so send me something to write!!
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eat-limes-bitches · 11 months
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I Will Always Come When You Call
PAIRING: Female Reader x FATWS Bucky Barnes
SUMMARY:  When reader accidentally calls Bucky, he comes running to find out what’s wrong.
WARNINGS: ANGST, mentions of depression, fluff
Word Count: 1168
A/N: I disappeared from posting because, well, I had no will to write, I was in a rut. This is purely self soothing at this point because this is what I need right now. I promise that I have updates for the series soon, I just needed this first. 
Enjoy!! <3
Dividers by Rookthorne
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It was the same feeling, day in, day out, the constant numbing sadness for a loss that never happened. The monsters that emerged from the deepest parts of her mind and wrapped her consciousness in toxic thoughts. People always said the same things, “Get some air, it won’t do you any good being cooped up.” “Take a break, you’re just burnt out from working too hard.” That was her problem, she wasn’t working. She couldn’t. It's hard to do anything when you barely have the will to get out of bed, let alone work. She stared at the glowing numbers from the clock on her nightstand, indicating she was, once again, still awake at an unreasonable hour. She glanced at the dark screen of her phone that was resting on the bed next to her. Why was it there again? Oh, right. She was gonna call him. The corner of her lips twitched upwards at the thought. Bucky had always been there, they had been there for each other. After everything that they went through together, with Thanos, the Flag Smashers, his amends, they were together through it all and now that everything had calmed down, she was struggling to stay afloat. Unlocking her phone, her thumb hovered over the call button. What was she gonna say? “Hey Buck, I know it's 2:30 in the morning and nothing is wrong but I need you.” She shook her head. It was stupid, if either of them were to call the other at this time it should be him. She had no reason and no explanation as to why she was feeling this way. 
Letting out a groan she leaned back and thumped her head against the headboard closing her eyes as she sunk a little deeper into her mind. “Doll? Are you ok?” Her eyes snapped open and down to her phone. Shit, she accidentally hit the dial. “Y/N are you ok? You’re worrying me sweets.” She shook her head slightly, “Yeah, sorry Buck.” She quickly hung up, cutting off whatever it was that Bucky was about to say, and throwing her phone to the other side of the bed. She hated feeling like this, this hopelessness that seemed to seep in through every pore on her skin and settle deep within her bones, like how a chill sets in after getting caught in the pouring rain. She was so deep within her mind that she didn’t notice the man that entered her flat. She didn’t hear him calling out to her and asking her where she was. Eventually the door to her bedroom opened, causing her to snap out of her trance in alarm, only to relax again when she saw Bucky standing there with a worried look on his face. 
“God, there you are. You scared me to death, sweets.” He murmured as he crossed the room to sit next to her on the bed. She stared at him with a puzzled expression on her face, tracing her eyes across his features. His hair was messy, shoes missing, probably at the front door, dressed in a pair of sweats and a dark blue t-shirt that highlighted to worried look in his eyes. She continued to stare for a moment before she finally spoke, “You came..” Bucky blinked, confusion coloring his features as he replied, “Of course I did, you called.” She froze at his words, surprise seeping into her eyes as she looked at him, trying to decide if he was serious when he broke the silence, “What’s going on, darling?” She shook her head, looking away from him, “I- I honestly don’t know, and that’s the problem.” She melted as he placed an arm around her, pulled her into his side, a gentle sign for her to continue. “It’s just- god I’m not okay.” She leaned to rest her head against his shoulder as she struggled to find the words, “I.. I’m just not myself. My jaw hurts from grinding my teeth, I can’t sleep at night, not because I’m not tired, no, I’m exhausted. It’s like I’m too tired to sleep. Everything is too much and not enough at the same time. I’m spiraling, and I couldn’t even begin to tell you why.” Once she finished, Bucky let out a sigh and pulled her further into his embrace, as if holding her would shield her mind from the toxic thoughts that tried to take her from him. “Doll, you should have told me sooner.” He scolded softly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. She shrugged, “I didn’t want to worry or bother you. You’ve come so far in your own healing that I didn’t want to drag you down with me.”
 Bucky shook his head, “Y/N, look at me.” He placed hid flesh hand under her chin to raise her gaze so that she was looking at him, “You mean the whole fucking world to me, do you know that?” She tried to look away as color flooded her cheeks but he wasn’t having it, “I think of you every day. You’re my first thought when I wake up and the last one before I try to go to sleep. I want to help you, and before you even start with the whole, ‘you don’t have to help me’ bullshit, I want to help you.” He paused, moving the hand under her chin to thread his fingers through her hair as he looked over her weary face. “You don’t have to do this all on your own, my love, let me help.” 
His words were a soft gentle caress against the opened wounds on her soul, something she didn’t realize she needed until she had a taste of it, and with the sugary sweet words filling the holes, the negative began to suffocate, trying desperately to escape but when entrapped in his honey coated words, they just died out. She nodded her head before she spoke, “Ok…ok.” “What do you need darling, not tomorrow, not in an hour, right now, what do you need?” Bucky asked. She traced the intricate lines on his vibranium hand that was situated around her middle before she spoke, “Can you just, hold me? Just for a little bit? I haven’t been able to sleep well for three day a-” Bucky cut her off by pulling her to lie down with him, tucking her head into his chest before reaching over and turning off the lamp on the nightstand. He wrapped his arms back around her and pressed kisses along her hairline until he reached her ear where he whispered, “Get some sleep sweets. I’ll be here when you wake up.” Wrapped up in Bucky’s warmth it wasn’t long before her eyes began to grow heavy, still she managed to move her head back to look over Bucky’s face as she whispered, “I still can’t believe you came.” Bucky leaned forward pressing his forehead against hers replying quietly, “I will always come when you call.”
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libraryofgage · 5 months
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Good Vibrations Three
One | Two
I usually try to throw out updates weekly but I got possessed by the muse for Modern Steve in 80s Hawkins and, like, finished the main chapters for that in a daze hfjdk I still need to write the two epilogues, but needed a little break, so here we are!
Part three has Eddie confirming his suspicions, like two seconds of angst that is immediately thrown out the window, and a little flirting UwU
I hope you enjoy! As always, if you see any typos, no you didn't ^_^
----
Something hits Steve in the back of the head. He'd be upset if not for the fact that he's facing away from Dustin and gave the kid paper for the express purpose of throwing if he needs Steve's attention. After much trial and error, the system finally works for them.
Steve sets down the plate he was washing (the aftermath of Dustin asking for grilled cheese sandwiches and annoying Steve until he caved) and turns, drying his hands on a dish towel. "What's up?"
Dustin's chest and arms are sprawled across the table, looking for all intents and purposes that he'd collapsed from sheer boredom or frustration. When Steve speaks, though, he sits up straight so Steve can see his mouth properly. "Can you pick me up tomorrow?"
"I thought your mom was."
"She told me this morning that she got saddled with a last minute thing."
Steve frowns, slowly parsing through Dustin's mouth movement and trying to find the shape of words. He doesn't get all of them, but he gets enough to understand the problem. "Oh," he says, "yeah, sure. Right after school?"
Dustin shakes his head, pushing his biology homework away so he can lean forward. "Hellfire is tomorrow. Eddie says it's gonna be in the math classroom. Can you meet me there at 4:30?"
Somehow, Steve immediately recognizes Eddie's name. Unsurprisingly, it makes him think of the guy, and his mind happily offers up the memory of Eddie laughing on stage. Steve struggles to push the memory aside, at least moving it to a corner until he can properly reminisce later.
"Which math room?" Steve asks, hoping Dustin doesn't notice a longer than normal delay in his response.
He doesn't, if his relieved and happy grin is anything to go by. "213," Dustin says. He then pauses, as if suddenly thinking of something. "Also, uh, maybe wait in the next hall or something. Don't let Eddie see you."
"Why can't Eddie see me?" he asks. Has Eddie been complaining about Steve lately? Has Dustin spent the past week listening to Eddie insult or make fun of Steve for...something he did at the Hideout? Did he not act normal enough?
Well, it's probably not that last one. Robin is great at elbowing Steve when someone is talking to him. She's saved him from numerous awkward situations with that move. It's almost worth the bruise he'll inevitably get from her sharp elbow.
"He won't, like, shut up about you," Dustin says, his nose wrinkling some in disgust and distorting the shape of his mouth. He waits until his expression is under control to add, "He can't get over you attending his gig or something. Keeps saying it's weird that "King Steve" likes metal."
"Oh."
Steve feels his shoulders grow heavy, a weight pressing down on him. He can't hear how Dustin is saying the words, and Dustin's expression isn't animated enough for Steve to glean any kind of tone. But experience has taught Steve that Eddie is probably complaining, even if Dustin isn't saying it outright.
Now that he's thinking about it, it probably was weird for Steve to just show up to a heavy metal gig. He's never shown any sign of liking the genre to others before. Then again, he's pretty skilled at passing for completely "normal" to other people. That results in him being King Steve, though, and that version of him might be all that Eddie can see, which would make his appearance at the Hideout pretty fucking awkward, huh?
Steve is so lost in his thoughts and the feeling of remorse and embarrassment and frustration that he almost misses how Dustin rolls his eyes, his shoulders jerking with a scoff. He pays attention just in time to watch as Dustin says, "Yeah, so if he sees you, he'll probably grill you on your favorite bands or something. He's, like, obsessed with figuring out all the other freak things about you. His words, by the way."
It's a lot all at once, and Steve ends up asking Dustin to repeat himself twice before he can fully comprehend everything. Despite the slightly annoyed look, Dustin doesn't complain. When he finally understands each word, that weight lifts from Steve's shoulders, the sudden emotional whiplash making him feel a little floaty.
"That's why he can't see me?" Steve asks, raising an eyebrow at Dustin and leaning back against the sink.
"Yeah, it'll take forever. It's like when Mom runs into a friend and just stands there talking for a whole hour," Dustin complains, sprawling himself across the table once more when he's done speaking.
Steve snorts and leans over, ruffling his hair and jerking his hand back before Dustin can smack it. "I promise we wouldn't talk for an hour, but I'm not going to avoid Eddie. If he sees me, he sees me."
Dustin doesn't need to know that a small part of Steve really hopes Eddie sees him, deafness and all. And maybe he'll even like what he sees.
----
Eddie Munson is not stupid.
Well, his grades and teachers would beg to differ, so he'll rephrase that.
Eddie Munson is a fantastic DM, which means he regularly takes a big plot twist and sprinkles hints of it throughout each session of a campaign. Doing this means being able to put those puzzle pieces back together, too, and ensuring they lead up to the logical plot twist. So, Eddie's brain is great at seeing some puzzle pieces scattered around and putting them together to make a complete picture, and he's definitely been seeing some puzzle pieces.
Like Steve Harrington never looking over when Eddie first speaks to him. And the way Steve stares at his mouth, his brows slightly furrowed like he's trying to decode something (Eddie would love for this puzzle piece to belong to a "Steve Harrington wants to kiss Eddie Munson" big picture, but he's not delusional). And how Steve needs to be nudged or needs to see someone before realizing they're close to him. And how he didn't seem to understand Eddie's words until he looked down at a notebook Robin had scribbled in.
And that's not even counting the stuff Eddie Munson noticed about Steve in high school. Steve Harrington walked through the halls like someone was hunting him, his shoulders tense and his eyes always flitting around from person to person, like he was scared of someone sneaking up on him. He always seemed to ignore people when they called out to him, and Eddie had once dismissed it as him being an asshole. Steve never actually paid attention in class, either; he'd spend the whole time doodling in his notebook or zoning out while staring at the wall. He didn't even look up when the teacher called on him, and eventually the teachers stopped trying.
So, yeah, Eddie has slowly started piecing the puzzle together, resulting in a picture that he never would have linked to Steve Harrington, of all people. But it's the logical conclusion. It's the brilliant plot twist that makes so much sense when you review previous campaign sessions.
He just needs to test it, to see if he's actually right or if he needs to review the pieces once more.
Eddie's chance comes after Hellfire Club on Wednesday. Their session had finished a little earlier, if only because the players had gotten through Eddie's planned journey faster than intended. The next part couldn't be stopped five minutes in, so Eddie had called it a day and gone to the bathroom while the others talked about their character progression.
In the few minutes it took for him to piss, Steve had strolled into the school and started waiting in the hallway next to the math room. He's leaning against the wall, head tilted down as he reads a small book, his lips turned down into a slight frown as he concentrates.
This is the scene Eddie sees when he rounds the corner, and before he can really think about it, he scurries back to remain out of view. He's not scared of Steve Harrington. He just knows this is the best chance he's got to test his theory. Eddie glances around the corner, watching as Steve turns the page of his book, and he suddenly wants to know what has captured his attention so strongly.
Eddie takes a deep breath and slides around the corner again, sticking close to the wall to remain out of sight. "Hey, Harrington," he says, his volume normal and easy to hear.
Steve doesn't react. He doesn't even twitch or give any indication that he heard Eddie and simply decided to ignore him.
"Haaariiiiingtooonnn," Eddie calls, a little louder and drawing the word out.
Still nothing. Well. Steve frowns a little deeper, turns the page back, and rereads whatever part has tripped him up.
"Steve, you motherfucker," Eddie says, the same volume as before, and this time trying something that might anger him. "Your hair looks ugly," he adds. It's a lie, of course. Steve's hair looks fantastic, and Eddie wants to run his fingers through it.
No reaction, and Eddie is starting to feel brave. He takes a few steps closer, still hugging the wall. "Oh, Stevie," he says, getting a slight grin, "big boy, sweetheart, darling, pretty thing." The endearments easily fall from his lips, hanging in the air with Steve none the wiser.
So. Eddie thinks it's safe to say his theory is correct: Steve Harrington can't hear. And Eddie is suddenly, achingly curious to know more. He wants to see how Steve, with his perfect hair and his stupid little moles and his blinding grin, navigates the world when he can't even hear it. He wants to know how Steve experiences music; he wants to know how many other people know; he wants to know if Steve ever gets frustrated and what he gets frustrated about; he wants to know if Steve's other senses are stronger to balance out his lack of hearing.
He wants to know everything.
Eddie strolls over, standing next to Steve and tapping his shoulder. He feels a little bad when Steve jerks in surprise, sliding back a few steps and looking at Eddie with wide eyes. "Don't do that!" Steve says, his gaze flitting around the hall before he forces himself to calm down and look at Eddie.
"Sorry," Eddie says, hoping his expression tells Steve just how much he means it. "You didn't look up when I called you."
Steve blinks, his lips twitching into an almost wry smile. "I, uh, was really absorbed," he says after a moment, idly holding up his book so Eddie can see "The Bicentennial Man" by Isaac Asimov on the cover.
"Heavy reading," Eddie says, trying to remember if he'd ever seen Steve read science fiction in high school.
Steve shrugs, glancing at the cover with a slight frown. "Dustin and Will were talking about it a few days ago. They seemed to like it. Figured I'd see what the fuss was about," he explains.
"Is it worth the fuss?" Eddie asks.
But Steve doesn't answer because he's still looking at the cover. A few more seconds pass before he sighs and looks up at Eddie. "It's kind of confusing," he admits.
And Eddie can't help himself. He wants the satisfaction of truly knowing he was right, and he wants Steve to know that he knows what's up. So, he asks, "Are you deaf?"
-----
Steve tenses, his shoulders hiking up, and he holds the book closer to his chest like it will somehow shield him. "What....how did you know?" he asks, deciding he doesn't need to try bluffing. Eddie's voice wasn't hesitant. He already knows the answer.
"Just noticed things," Eddie says, shrugging as he steps closer to Steve and grins.
The thing is, Steve hasn't tried hiding his deafness lately. Sure, he would have rather died in high school before letting someone discover he couldn't hear, but now? Now he doesn't really care. He's faced literal monsters; someone just innocently asking if he's deaf shouldn't result in the spike of anxiety that shoots down his spine.
At least, Steve thought he wouldn't care. Apparently, his body didn't get the memo, and years of habit had taken over, putting Steve on the immediate defensive. He clenches his jaw, forces his shoulders to relax, and reminds himself of Dustin's whole "Eddie seems weirdly obsessed with you" comment from the day before.
"Is that a problem or something?" Steve asks, relaxing his shoulder and forcing himself to stay in place.
Eddie pauses, frowning like he hadn't expected Steve to ask him that. "No," he says, the word a little drawn out based on how long his lips linger on the "o" shape. "How long?"
Okay. Steve can handle this. He can already see Eddie's questions following the same path as Robin's and Dustin's when they first learned he was deaf. "I started losing my hearing in elementary school. It was pretty much gone by high school," he explains.
Of all people, Eddie should be the most understanding, right? He probably isn't deaf, but Steve's deafness is something that makes him a freak. Sure, it wasn't super obvious in high school, but it still has to count for something, right? It has to help erase the King Steve persona from Eddie's brain, right?
"That explains a lot," Eddie says, tilting his head slightly and narrowing his eyes like he's trying to filter his memories of Steve through this new lens. "You don't have hearing aids?"
"I, uh, don't usually wear them in public."
"Why not?"
Steve opens his mouth to answer but stops himself. Saying he didn't want people to know in high school would feel shallow, yes, but it would be true. Besides still needing to actually get new ones, he doesn't have much of an excuse for not wearing them now. He frowns slightly, gripping the book in his hand a little tighter. It must make some kind of sound because Eddie's eyes flick down to it before looking back up.
"I didn't want people to know in high school," he finally says, rubbing his thumb over the book's cover in an attempt to expel some of the nervous energy he feels. "If people knew, especially teachers, my grades and stuff would've been blamed on, you know, my deafness. And then my parents would've put me into a special school for others who are deaf or hard of hearing. I didn't really want to get transferred like that, especially in the middle of high school."
"What about now, Stevie? You're not exactly in high school anymore," Eddie says. And did Steve read his lips right? That was his name in the middle, he doesn't doubt that, but...was it changed? There was an extra movement at the end, Eddie's bottom lip pulling back slightly like a long E was thrown in there.
It's not like he can ask, so he shoves the thought away, thinking instead of his crushed and useless hearing aids. His shoulders slump a little at the thought. "My hearing aids are broken, but I don't have enough for new ones yet."
Eddie's eyes narrow again, and he leans a little closer. "Aren't your parents, like, stupidly rich? I mean, I've been to your parties, Harrington, it's not a small house you've got there. Just ask Mommy and Daddy to buy you some new ones," he says.
Steve blinks, trying to grasp the words while also processing just how strongly Eddie's "cigarette smoke-weed-woodsy outdoor" smell overwhelms him. It's not bad (maybe it should be? Steve doesn't think he's ever liked these smells before), but it makes Steve's head feel fuzzy and slow, like he's trying to wade through cotton balls. He blinks again, pushing through the daze to say, "Can you repeat that? You, uh, you spoke too fast."
The smell recedes as Eddie leans back, his lips quirking up into a smile that's more...indulgent than it is mean. "Your parents are rich. Ask them to buy you new ones," Eddie says.
Okay, that's...significantly less words than Eddie said before. Steve frowns slightly, frustration budding in his chest because he wants to know what Eddie said, not what he asked. He feels like he's being left out of a conversation he's actively participating in, and he has to swallow back his immediate, frustration-motivated response.
Eddie doesn't know, he's likely never spoken to a deaf person before. Steve should give him the benefit of the doubt and a little leeway, right? Honestly, Steve is fucking tired of giving people the benefit of the doubt and leeway, but what else is he supposed to do? Blow up? It would be nice in the moment, sure, but the aftermath? The inevitable apology and the potential indignation from the other person? That sounds fucking exhausting. He'd rather complain to Robin later.
"I want to buy my own," Steve says, knowing his sudden shift in demeanor has been noticed by the confused furrow of Eddie's brow.
Before he can say more, Eddie reaches forward, grabbing the sleeves of Steve's sweatshirt. Based on his surprised expression, it was an impulsive move, but Eddie doesn't let go. He just swallows (Steve should not be staring at Eddie's throat like this) and looks at him. "What's wrong?" he asks, and his face is so expressive that Steve doesn't need to hear his tone to know he genuinely cares and wants to know.
Without thinking, Steve blurts out, "I asked what you said. You just repeated what you asked. I want to know everything you said. Every word. I feel like...like you're trying to dumb things down for me, like you don't think I can actually, I don't know, understand everything. I'm deaf, not stupid."
Eddie's eyes widen slightly. "Oh," he says, licking his lips nervously before nodding. "Okay, yeah, it was kind of mean, though," he admits.
"That's worse, actually," Steve says, frowning and gripping the book tightly once more. "I'll just feel like you're mocking me, or getting off on making fun of me when I don't know. Just repeat yourself, word for word."
And Eddie does. He seems uncomfortable doing so, but he speaks a little slower and makes sure Steve can understand each word this go-around. At the end, he adds, "Like I said, kind of mean. Sorry."
Steve watches Eddie for a few seconds before grinning. "It's fine, Eddie," he says, suddenly realizing how close Eddie has gotten and how Eddie is still holding onto his sleeve. And then, to make sure Eddie knows it's okay, he puts on what Robin calls his Bitch Voice and adds, "Besides, Mommy and Daddy don't need to know I've broken another pair. I'd like to live to see next year."
Eddie blinks when he hears the Bitch Voice and perks up slightly, a grin tugging at his lips and his hold on Steve's sleeve tightening slightly. The awkward moment seems to have passed, and Eddie confirms that by asking, "So, what do you really like about heavy metal?"
"I can feel it. Literally. Heavy metal has stronger vibrations, so I can experience it more easily. I don't really know how the words are sung, but I can feel the beat," Steve explains.
"Then, what did you think of our set?" Eddie asks.
He looks a little nervous, and something in Steve settles, relaxing into place. "Like I said, it was great. Especially your song at the end. I haven't really felt a song like that before. Does your band have more original stuff?" he asks. Maybe he can convince Eddie to record some of their songs so Steve can listen to them. Or, even better, just play only their songs at their next gig.
"Of course we do," Eddie says, standing a little straighter and grinning a little wider and looking at Steve like he's put the stars in the sky. "I'll play them for you next time, sweetheart."
Steve blinks at the word he definitely understood at the very end. Before he can ask about it, though, Eddie glances behind Steve and quickly lets go of his sleeve. Not two seconds later, Dustin shoves himself between Eddie and Steve, looking up at him with an eager smile and bright eyes and Steve has the worst feeling.
"Steve! Can we have a movie night at your place?" he asks as the rest of the kids filter in, pushing Eddie further and further back.
"Sure, but you have to call your parents and tell them when we get to my place," Steve says, incredibly grateful he can't hear when Eddie winces at the cheer that comes from the kids.
And then the kids are pushing him down the hall, undoubtedly arguing with each other about what movie to watch first and not giving Steve a chance to say goodbye, or ask if Eddie was serious about playing for him, or ask if Eddie had meant to call him sweetheart or if that was just, somehow, a mistake.
-----
Tag List (the tag list is completely filled up! There definitely wasn't enough room for everyone who requested a tag orz
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straykeedz · 7 months
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day 4: hyunjin + cumshot
©straykeedz
tw: exboyfriend!hyunjin; mentions of a breakup; porn with plot but more like plot with porn tbh; very brief nipple play; unprotected piv sex (don't do that at home 🤨); brief clit play; hyunjin cums on reader (obviously) and takes a pic; cum swallowing; exes2lovers?; ♡
honestly this is, like, 90% plot and 10% porn lol, also bare with me if it sucks - english is not englishing these days 🥹 plus i really don’t know what this is lol hyunjin is always the hardest for me to write 🫠
wc: 4,2k (i’m sorry 🫣);
this is part of my kinktober masterlist. you can find my regular masterlist here (tho it will not be updated until the end of kinktober) ♡
🔖 (open): @linos-kitten ; @luneskies ; @kxcies-blog ; @idunnomanmynamewastaken ; @cessixja ; @stolasisyourparent ; @kookiesbunny ; @xoxo-xoxo-bunny ; @ivyskzsworld ; @mal-lunar-28 ; @leetaste ; @sunnykynnie ; @channiesgoodgirl ; @seonghwatoothless ; @mrsminho ; @seungminluv3 ; @jin-from-the-block ; @aaasia111 ; @sulkygyu ; @whosanaanyway ; @y-ur--I ; @vixensss ; @nightimescapes ; @freckleboilix ; @dreamingaboutjisung ; @yourbeomiebear ; ♡
to make sure i add you to the taglist, your age must be clearly visible on your profile. also, empty blogs will not be added - add at least a profile picture to your blog so that i’ll know you’re not a bot. ♡
smut below the cut, minors dni.
♠︎
You scoff, throwing your phone on the bed - still no sign of Hyunjin. He was supposed to be at your place half an hour ago, and still hasn’t showed up. Typical of him - not keeping his promises, no wonder the two of you didn’t work out, it would a miracle if you did. But tonight you don’t have it in you to put up with him - you have somewhere to be and you’re gonna be late if he doesn’t ring your doorbell within the next ten minutes. 
Speak of the devil - the doorbell rings. Thank God, you think, rolling your eyes as you head for the door. Once you swing the door open, you’re met with your ex standing on your doorstep - looking pretty handsome, you have to admit. He’s wearing an oversized t-shirt and has his hair styled into a messy bun, undercut clearly visible. 
“You were supposed to be here half an hour ago.”, you remark, an unamused expression on your face. 
“I’m sorry.” Hyunjin sighs, adjusting his glasses. “Something came up at work.” 
You scoff. Yeah, of course, work. You’re not surprised, everything’s about his stupid job with him. You’re surprised he still hasn’t moved into his office, considering he spends most of his time there anyways. But it’s not your place to judge, not anymore, because you’re not his girlfriend anymore and it shouldn’t bother you. 
“Yeah, well…”, you cut him off, checking the hour on the digital watch wrapped around your wrist. “You have less than half an hour to grab your things.”, you tell him. 
He looks at you surprised. Do you have plans? Well, that would explain why you’re all dressed up and have a full face on. Hyunjin takes a moment to look at you. You’re wearing a black tank top and a skirt - too short for his liking, but it’s not his place to say anything: he’s not your boyfriend anymore, and you can dress however you want to. Just… where are you going?, he can’t help but wonder, and secretly hopes it’s girls’ night or something like that. 
“Right.”, he mutters. “Where…?”, he trails, hoping you’d get the rest. 
When Hyunjin moved out of your shared apartment a month ago, he didn’t bring all of his things with him, and left most of his clothes in your closet, especially his sweatshirts and jumpers. Given that you broke up in mid-summer, it’s not like he really needed them anyways - but now that fall is approaching, he’s forced to face the problem. Still, he can’t bring himself to ask you if his stuff is still in your closet or if you already moved all of his things - it’d only make the breakup more official than it already is, more real.
“Oh.”, you clear your throat. “They’re still there - in the closet.”
He follows you in what once was both his and your bedroom, which looks so different now. His paintings aren’t exposed on the walls anymore, and there’s no trace of your framed pictures. It pains him, but he tries his best not to let is show, reminding himself that it was for the best. He selects a few of his favorite pieces of clothing, informing you that he’ll probably have to stop by in a few days to take all of his stuff. 
“Where’s…”, he starts, rummaging through the hooked sweatshirts, looking for that specific one. “…that grey one with the green details?”, he asks you. 
You’re taken aback by his question, because you know exactly what sweatshirt he’s looking for, and you know exactly where it is. You make your way to the closet, to your side of the closet, and slide the door open. 
“Here.”, you hand it to him, not able to look him in the eyes. He’s just as surprised as he takes it from your hands, then it hits him - it’s your favorite sweatshirt of his, the one you always stole from him and used to wear to feel him close to you. 
“You… still wear it?”, he can’t stop himself from asking you, knowing he’s sounding ridiculous right now. Call it a wishful thinking if you will - that you still wear his clothes. 
“I-“, you could lie, but he’d see it in your eyes anyways. “I only wore it a couple of times.”, you admit. 
One time, because it was particularly chilly after a thunderstorm, and the other… because you wanted to feel him close, smell his scent and pretend he was still there with you, that you hadn’t broken up and that he’d be coming home and cuddle next to you. But of course he didn’t. Yours, too, a wishful thinking. 
“Oh.”, is all he manages to get out - he can’t ignore the way his heart is beating fast in his chest as he holds the sweatshirt with shaky hands. Maybe there’s still hope, maybe he’s still got a chance to make things right. 
Before he could say anything else, your phone beeps - a message. You’re quick to retrieve your phone from the back pocket of your skirt and open a notification: a voice memo from your date. You’re about to respond that you can’t listen to it right now, when your fingers slip on the screen and you mistakenly let it play. Full volume, of course, because life’s a bitch. 
“Hey, y/n. I’ll pick you up for our date a bit later if it’s alright with you. I just got out of work and I need a sho-“, you lock your phone and throw it on the bed, heart hammering in your chest. 
Hyunjin is looking at you with lost eyes - it’s nothing compared to how he’s feeling inside his chest. Void, numb, broken. It’s as if his soul just left his body. You’re dating? Like, going out, meeting boys and… perhaps kiss them, bring them to your house? He feels his knees buckling a bit. 
“You’re… you’re going on a date?”, he asks, eyebrows furrowed. Maybe he misheard the voice memo, maybe it was not a man’s voice and it was one of your girlfriends, maybe maybe maybe. 
“Hyunjin…”, you to swallow the lump in your throat, not sure what you’re supposed to say right now, there’s not a proper way to talk about your dating life to your ex, is there? 
“You’re dating again? Already?”, anger and hurt replaced the confusion in his tone as he stands there, in the middle of your bedroom, sweatshirt in his hands as he looks at you like you just ripped his heart out of his chest. 
“It’s not serious.”, you say quickly, not wanting him to think you’re going to marry this guy or anything. 
“I should hope so, it would be a fucking travesty if it was serious. We broke up a month ago.”, he remarks. “Are you already over me? Am I that easy to move on from?”, he lets out a sarcastic chuckle, jaw clenched as he snaps his head in the opposite direction, not wanting to look at you right now - not when his eyes are fucking watery. 
“It’s not like that.”, the lump in your throat is back. 
“And how is it like then?”, he snaps.
You can’t believe him - you honestly can’t believe him. He was the one who broke up with you and he has the audacity to try to make you feel guilty for trying to move on? Okay, maybe jumping into dating guys isn’t the best way of coping with a breakup, but he doesn’t get a say in this. 
“Are you being serious right now?”, now it’s your turn to snap. “What am I supposed to do, Hyunjin? Sulk and never move on?”, you speak harshly. 
Your words sting him - because that’s exactly what he’s been doing for the past weeks, and he can’t believe you’re already talking about moving on when he still hasn’t gotten used to sleeping alone. He still hasn’t gotten used to a life without you - to waking up alone, to have breakfast alone, to watch movies alone on the couch, to the cold bed that welcomes him each night. And you’re just… dating, casually. 
“Were you already seeing him?”, he hates how his voice trembles as he speaks, and clears his throat immediately after. He doesn’t want to embarrass himself in front of you more than he already has. 
“What?”, your voice comes out in a whisper and your eyes widen. 
“You heard me.”, he tightens his grip on the sweater. “Were you already seeing him when we were together?”, he clarifies. 
“How could you even think I’d do something like that to you?”, you ask him, sincerely shocked. 
“It’d explain why you moved on so quickly.”
“Of course I wasn’t seeing him when we were together, Hyunjin, what the fuck?”, you raise your voice. “Besides, why do you care? You broke up with me, not the other way around!”
Hyunjin is forced to face the hard truth and the fact that his actions had had consequences and an impact on your life. He hadn’t even given you a proper explanation when he broke up with you, what a coward he’d been… Too caught up in his own feelings, he didn’t even stop once to wonder how you were doing, how you were dealing with the breakup and his absence. Was it that bad it pushed you into other men’s arms? Was this the first man you’d decided to go out with? Have there been others? He’s not sure he wants to know.
He snaps his head in your direction as soon as he hears your words. You’ve got it completely wrong if you think he broke up with you because he doesn’t care about you when, in fact, it’s the opposite. He cares too much. 
“I broke up with you because I wanted to protect you, not because I didn’t love you anymore.”, he mutters. 
“Oh, please.”, you scoff. “That’s the lamest excuse ever, even worse than the cliché ‘It’s not you, it’s me’.”
“But it’s true!”, he snaps. “It’s true. I did it for you. Do you really think I didn’t notice the way you were no longer happy with me? I was bad for you, y/n. I felt like I was… clipping your wings, like I was taking happiness away from you.”
You’re honestly shocked by his sudden outburst and confession, but it doesn’t make you feel better. In fact, it makes you even more upset and angry at him. 
“It wasn’t your choice to make.”, you reply coldly, crossing your arms over your chest. “You broke me, Hyunjin. You breaking up with me - it hurt more than every fight, more than every disappointment.”, your voice is shaky and your eyes are welling up with tears. Hyunjin hates himself for that. 
“If you love someone you let them go.” Hyunjin quotes, hoping it’d make you understand the logic he followed when he did what he did. His dark eyes staring into yours. 
“For if they return, they were always yours.”, you whisper back. You don’t break the eye contact. 
It happens in an instant. 
Hyunjin drops the sweater in his hands, letting it fall on the floor of your bedroom, as his cups your face in his hands and crashes his lips onto yours - and you do the same, wrapping your fingers around his wrists, melting into the kiss. His tongue brushes your lower lip and you instantly part your lips, allowing it inside your mouth. 
You can feel him growing harder in his pants, lower half of his body pressing against your stomach, and you moan at the contact when you feel it. Your hands begin to wander all over his body - first on his muscular forearms, then his biceps, then his broad shoulders. Then all the way down his chest and then on his back, scratching it over the t-shirt he’s wearing, but it makes him moan nonetheless. 
At the same time, one of his hands travels down your spine until it reaches your ass - squeezing it lightly. The skirt you’re wearing is so tight his fingers are almost brushing your bare skin, and it’s driving him crazy. Moreover, he still can’t believe he’s really kissing you right now, that you have your hands on him, that he’s touching you - his brain can’t process it. He’s scared to pull away from the kiss, even if he does need to breathe, he’s scared you’ll come to your senses and realize you made a mistake, that he’s too late, that you don’t want him anymore, that’s it’s over. 
But then he feels you tugging at his shirt, lifting it up a bit to expose some of his pale skin, and he takes it as a sign you want to continue. He pulls away from your lips only to regain his breath, and as he does so, his big, brown eyes stare deep into yours. You’re looking at him, too, with your beautiful eyes and puffy cheeks now pink, lips swollen from the kiss. 
“Hyunjin.”, you whisper on his lips. He’s mentally preparing himself for a rejection when you tell him “Bed.” He nods eagerly, before crashing his lips onto yours once again with the same passion as before - only a little more relieved this time, knowing that you want him too just as much as he wants you. 
Once you let yourself fall on the mattress, Hyunjin’s body is immediately on yours, hovering over yours as he keeps on kissing you without any intention of pulling away from you. Your skirt has lifted up a bit, allowing his crotch to press directly against yours - the bulge in his pant clearly evident as it brushes against your clothed cunt, which has you squirming under him. 
He only pulls away from your body when your hands begin to wander under his t-shirt, caressing the skin of his back - taking it as a sign to take it off for good. He gets rid of his ridiculously expensive glasses as well, carefully placing them on your - well, what was once his - nightstand, before his fingers grasp the hem of his shirt. He pulls it over his head and lets it fall on the floor. You take your tank top as well, staining it a bit with your makeup on the collar, then let it fall on the floor as well - ironically enough, it ends up landing next to his. 
You’re not wearing a bra, Hyunjin can’t help but notice, and wonders whether you did it on purpose - if you intended not to wear one when you were about to go out with another guy. He shakes that thought off his head, tho, not wanting it to upset him or ruin the mood, because it’s not that important right now. Not when you’re under him, naked chest on full display for him to see, skirt hiked up your waist. 
He kneels between your parted legs, one hand finds its way to your hip, squeezing it lightly as he brushes your hard nipples with the knuckles of his other hand, not touching you properly. Of course he doesn’t, he’s Hyunjin, he’s a tease - you know it well. Meanwhile, your panties are completely drenched. 
“Is this new?” Hyunjin asks, referring to your skirt. You nod, it is new. You bought it especially for tonight’s date, but you don’t tell him that. Hyunjin doesn’t need you to, tho, because he senses it in the way you lower your gaze and bite your lower lip. For some reason, it doesn’t upset him. “Can I fuck you in this pretty skirt, love?”, his hand travels all the way to the hem of your skirt, then to your inner thigh until his knuckles are now brushing the soft cotton of your underwear. 
You whimper, and squirm under his touch. “Please.”
Hyunjin grins at your eagerness, tho he’s pleased with your answer, then asks you. “Please what?”
You hate that you love it when he teases you like that. 
“Please fuck me, Hyunjin.”, you whisper, looking him in the eyes. 
He tries to mask the way his breath hitches in his throat - the sight of you sprawled on your bed, legs spread to welcome him in between them while you’re lying there in nothing but a short skirt and a black thong with your tits out has him whipped. It always has. 
His shaky hands reach the zipper of his pants faster than lightning, and that has a mischievous grin appear on your face. Hyunjin gets off the bed only to remove his tight skinny jeans, and you take it as an opportunity to hike your skirt further up your body. When Hyunjin sees you’re about to take your panties off, he grabs you by the wrist. 
“Don’t. Leave them on.”, he practically begs. You nod. The idea of him fucking you with your skirt and underwear still on turns you on even more, you can’t deny it. 
In a matter of seconds, Hyunjin is back between your legs, completely naked - fully erect cock looking gorgeous as ever. Hyunjin has an incredibly pretty cock, if you think about it. Not that you’ve seen that many, not in real life at least, but it is indeed pretty. It’s slightly less thick than average, albeit a bit longer and slightly curved so that it’s able to reach all the perfect spots inside of you. And, last but definitely not least, he knows how to use it. 
“You’re staring.” Hyunjin chuckles, noticing your gaze on his hard length - not that it bothers him. 
“I missed it.”, you shamelessly confess - it’s not the place nor the time to feel shy about it. Plus, it’s not some stranger you’re in front of, it’s Hyunjin, the boy you’ve dated for nearly four years. “And you know you have a nice dick.”, you quirk and eyebrow at him. 
“Mh, you’re right.”, he smirks cockily. “Should I give it to you, then, since you seem to be liking it so much?”, he teases. God, you might actually cry if he doesn’t stick his cock in you within the next minute. 
“Hyunjin.”
“Fine, okay.”, he chuckles, positioning himself closer to your body, propping himself up on his elbow. “Forgot how impatient you can get.”, he playfully shakes his head, the smirk not leaving his face.
You’d get impatient too if you knew how good your cock feels, you think to yourself. You don’t want to stroke his ego by saying it out loud. 
He pulls your panties to the side, exposing your bare pussy to his eyes and he sucks in a breath at the sight, running the pad of his thumb up and down your slit to spread your arousal all over you - a bit surprised to find you this wet already. God knows you’ve been wet ever since you opened the door and witnessed him standing there - glasses and messy bun and everything. 
“You think you need me to stretch you out?”, his voice is soft. 
You shake your head as a no. “I’m good.”, you whisper, and he nods. 
Seconds later, you feel the tip of his cock pocking at your wet entrance, ready to part your folds. When he does push inside, there’s nothing you can do to prevent a chocked moan from escaping your throat, not used to the stretch - despite it being very familiar. He senses the slight discomfort and immediately brings two fingers to your clit to rub it gently, knowing well it usually helps you to relax. Then, when he feels you’ve adjusted to him being inside of you, he begins to thrust. 
Hyunjin fucks hard and fast. 
It’s something you discovered in the early stages of your relationship, and needless to say - it shocked you. He always looks so peaceful and calm, and for some reason you thought that he’d be pretty vanilla in bed. He’s not. Sure, he can do vanilla if you ask him to, but his tendency is to fuck you hard and fast to the point you can barely stand on two feet once he’s finished with you. 
This time, tho, he’s not being particularly rough. Sure, he has one hand attached to your hip, gripping it to keep you in place as he gives it to you hard, but his pace is excruciatingly slow. He takes his time, filling you up to the brim and then pulling almost all the way out so that only his tip stays inside of you, before slamming back in, making you gulp each time and roll your eyes to the back of your skull. 
However, his movements come to an abrupt halt when he hears the low beep of your phone that’s right beside you. He just knows it’s that fucker of your date, who else could it be? He gives in to his impulsive thought of throwing your phone across the room - only a bit gentler than what he had in mind, letting it fall on the floor with a loud thud. “Fucker.”, he mutters under his breath, before slamming his cock back into you with a deep, hoarse grunt. 
You don’t say anything - you just pray to God he didn’t crack your phone screen. 
“Hyunjin.”, you moan loudly after he starts to pick up his pace, thrusting a little bit faster. 
Judging by the way you just moaned his name - he can tell you’re getting closer and closer to reaching your orgasm, and for some reason, it just boosts his ego, knowing he’s the one who’s pleasuring you, the one who’s about to make you cum on his cock. 
“Mhh, you’re close?”, he bites his lower lip, looking you in the eyes - you look completely fucked out, split by his cock. 
“So- so close.”, you whimper, wrapping your fingers around his wrist. “Do-don’t stop.”, you beg him, spreading your legs even more to feel him closer. 
Hyunjin’s cock twitches inside of you - he’s close too. “Why would I make you cum?”, he smirks at you. 
Your eyes widen in fear that he won’t let you cum, that he’ll just leave you high and dry, sprawled on your bed. “Because… because I’ve been a good girl?”, you try. 
Hyunjin loves to call you his good girl in bed, so you hope this might actually corrupt him and convince him to let you cum around his cock. Instead, he chuckles. “A good girl?” Another deep thrust inside of you has you seeing stars. 
“Yes. I’ve been a good girl to you, please let me cum.”, you whine. 
“Oh.”, he licks his lower lip, then smirks at you. “But good girls don’t let their ex fuck them in their cute little skirt and panties.”, he teases.
“They do when he’s the love of their life.”, you snap. 
His eyes widen - he looks sincerely shocked by your words. Something inside of him snaps, and he begins to fuck you harder, slamming his cock inside of you repeatedly. Yeah, you definitely earned your orgasm. He feels you creaming around his cock, whitish release coating the base of his length as you come with a loud whimper, looking him in the eyes. That nearly makes him cum as well. 
“Fuck- you wanna be a good girl?”, he grunts, fucking you even faster to the point your ass cheeks nearly burn due to the friction caused by the sheets underneath you. “You wanna be good to me?”, he pants.
You nod impatiently. “Yes.”
“You’re gonna let me do whatever I want to you?”
“Yes- whatever, yes.”, you pant. “You can do whatever you want.”
It happens in a matter of seconds - he pulls out of you and begins to pump his cock with his fist as his body hovers over yours, he’s practically kneeling at the height of your stomach. 
“Tongue out.”, he pants, and you obey immediately, sticking out your tongue. 
Hyunjin comes all over your face - hot spurts of his sperm landing on your cheeks, your forehead, your lips and your chin, to the point your whole face is covered in his cum basically. 
“Wait.”, he tells you, getting off the bed immediately only to climb back on it a few seconds later, with your phone in his hand. He’s pleased with discovering you haven’t changed your passcode. Then, with your own phone practically shoved in your face, he brings two fingers to your face, coating them in his semen before shoving them into your mouth. 
“Mine.”, he grunts, his cock nearly getting hard again when you moan around his fingers, licking them clean. Then, he pulls them out of your mouth and immediately retrieves his t-shirt from the floor and hands it to you, signaling for you to use it to clean his cum off your face. 
As you’re cleaning yourself off, you hear him speak. 
“Yeah, I guess she won’t be going out with you tonight. Sorry dude.”, you find him with his finger pressed on the screen of your phone, apparently recording a voice note.
“What are you…”
Before you could even finish the sentence, he turns the screen to your direction, allowing you to see the chat with who was supposed to pick you up in about… now. There’s a picture of you with Hyunjin’s cum all over you and his fingers in your mouth, and then there’s the voice note Hyunjin recorded mere seconds ago. However, you can’t find it in yourself to get mad at him, and crack a smile. 
“You’re lucky I love you.”, you pull him close for a kiss. 
“The luckiest.”
♠︎
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little-miss-vader · 1 year
Text
As You Wish
Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Jedi Reader
Summary: Anakin recently started feeling a little different about you, he doesn’t wanna be around you. You attempt to speak to him and he comes clean.
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Warnings: SMUT GO AWAY MINORS 🫶🏼 Improper use of the force, cunnilingus, p in v sex, kissing, uhhhh yeah just normal smut.
A/N: Hi guys, I’ve been MIA but i really did want to write something so I ACTUALLY wrote something short and simple for the time being. I had this idea a week or so ago. I promise i’ll be back soon with some longer ones!! Thank you guys for everything again 🫶🏼 the smut is just simple. What i would imagine if he was in too much of a rush to put on a performance cuz he’s desperate. Thanks for reading!!!!!
Word Count: 2.7K
Anakin was tired. He had not slept in what felt like weeks. The air around him was heavy and he couldn’t even keep up a friendly conversation. You could feel it. You knew but you didn’t know how to help. You had known him for years and never had a day where he didn’t crack a cocky joke or flash a pretty smile at somebody. Mostly you. You would tell him to be cordial and he would tell you there’s no room for that in his feelings.
Secretly, you loved it. But now, something was wrong and you couldn’t ask what it was due to his avoidance of you. You wanted to know what you’d done to go from the center of his attention everyday to the presence that would cause him to leave a room.
You were walking with a few fellow Padawans, they were talking about how the training droids needed to be updated. You were barely listening. All you could think of was how to talk to Anakin. As you walked toward the courtyard outside the temple, you saw him sitting down and staring at his lightsaber between his hands.
You excused yourself from the group and walked toward him. They all rolled their eyes as you left without a second to spare. You jogged over to him and his eyes didn’t even do as much as twitch to look at you as you stood in front of him. “Ani-“
“Anakin.” He responded, his head lifted to look at you and your lips parted in mild shock before closing again. He never had a problem with you calling him that before. “I’m a bit busy, Y/N.” He stood up and clicked his lightsaber hilt to his hip. You shook your head.
“No. You’re not. You’ve been avoiding me and I need to know why.” You stood up straight in front of him and crossed your arms. Although your attempt to look big in front of him was never to any avail. He looked down at you.
“I don’t have time for this. I really don’t.” His words were short. He began to walk past you and you grabbed his arm. A shock went through your body like an electric current when you saw an image flash in his mind as your hand went to grab his wrist. It was no surprise, you were stronger with the Force than most your own age. He spun around immediately to face you and you dropped your hand.
The image wasn’t there long but it was the clearest one you’d ever seen. In his mind, your touch created an image of you under him while his face nuzzled into your neck. The image was of glistening bodies and heavy breaths. He stared at you knowing exactly what had just happened.
“I’m sorry.” You whispered and Anakin was silent. He didn’t say anything. You looked around the courtyard to avoid his eye contact as his intense glare bored into your head.
“The first time that happened, Obi-Wan was right next to me. It was two weeks ago. Your hand grazed against mine and I saw things I would never have been able to explain if somebody picked up on it. I can’t be around you. This is why I can’t be around you, Y/N.” He spoke and your eyes glued themselves to your feet. That’s why he hadn’t spoken to you. He would leave a room at the drop of a hat if you came in and that was why. Your cheeks flushed and you stuttered out another apology.
“I don’t want to hear an apology. I want.. I want something I can’t have. In light of that, I need you to stay away from me. Don’t touch me. Don’t call me Ani. Don’t even talk to me.” He spoke and your head raised to meet his stare.
“I don’t wanna do that..” You whispered. “You’re my friend. I care about you.” Anakin laughed at your words and his head shook in disbelief.
“If you cared about me you’d do one of two things. Leave me alone or let me have you in the way I want.” His voice was hushed as he neared you, there was people around and he didn’t want to cause a scene. You gulped and looked at him. It was no question, Anakin was handsome. There was a reason you had an affinity for being his friend. Your hand brushed against his and he sucked a breath in through his teeth as you both saw a new image pop into his head. “Stop it.” He said, his jaw was clenched as if he was in agony.
“I’ll do as you wish.” You whispered. His eyes softened and his features dropped their harsh position.
“Which option are you referring to, Y/N?” He whispered back, his brows furrowed and his tongue darted out to dampen his lips. You simply smiled at him and raised your shoulders in a small shrug. He raised an eyebrow and took you by the hand. He didn’t let go and you saw a glimpse of what he was thinking of. You nodded as confirmation and he wasted no time to stand next to you and place his hand on your lower back, guiding you toward the entrance of the palace.
Your heart began to race as he speed walked the both of you toward the corridors of the boy’s dormitories. It felt like you were out of breath and when he would see people were walking by he would drop his hand from its spot on your back, very secretly grabbing your sleeve instead. You were practically being dragged behind him when you both walked further to find the dormitories were empty. Your shorter stature made you almost have to jog to keep up with him.
When you got to his room he opened and door and allowed you in before following behind you. He shut the door and locked it promptly. Your eyes watched his hands, they were big and his fingers were long. You’d never noticed it before and the notion made your stomach turn in a way you couldn’t get enough of. “I need to clarify exactly what it is you meant when you said-“ He began and you shook your head, pressing your hands against his chest before leaning up and kissing him. His hands immediately found their place on the sides of your face, his fingers tangled into your hair.
“I wanted this. I wanted you. When you began to avoid me it broke my heart, I found myself thinking the worst. I thought you hated me.” You whispered as you pulled away and his lips chased yours as you tried to speak.
“I don’t hate you. I hate how you make me feel. I had a dream about you after the first day those ideas popped into my head at your touch. I couldn’t look at you without thinking the most filthy things. I couldn’t risk letting that be exposed to the council.” He pulled you in again and your breath caught in your throat. Your bodies were sharing heat now, his hands gripped the sides of your face like he didn’t want you to go anywhere ever again. Your lips clashed against each other in a way that oozed desperation and it caused a small moan to leave your mouth. He winced and you pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” You whispered, concern laced your voice. Your eyes followed his gaze down and you noticed the tent he created with his pants. Your cheeks flushed and before you could get another word out Anakin grabbed you by your clothes and began to pull them off at what you would classify as a record speed.
“You drive me insane.” He groaned as he dropped to his knees and pulled your pants down around your ankles. You stepped back and out of them and he gripped at your hips to pull you back to him. “Your skin is just as soft as I thought it would be.” His words were laced with a groan. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked up at you and watched as your chest heaved. Your stomach flinched when his hot breath hit it. “You smell even better.” He whispered as he placed wet kisses on your stomach and hip bones. Your knees almost buckled at the feeling and you leaned onto the wall next to you for support causing your hips to angle further up toward him.
A growl left his mouth when you unknowingly granted him access to you. He trailed his kisses down and you gasped softly at the understanding of what he was about to do. He watched your reactions, wincing again at the painful feeling between his legs. He liked it. Your eyes darted toward his bed which was right next to you and his followed. A simple movement was all it took and your legs were hooked around his shoulders, his hands holding your lower back close so you didn’t fall. With a quickness that shocked you he stood up and walked you to the bed, his kisses still scattering themselves over your lower stomach. He laid you both down, him on his chest and you on your back, his head right where you wanted it.
He didn’t waste a single moment once you were comfortable. He pushed your knees up so your legs were bent and pushed at your thighs to give himself some space. His tongue pressed flash against you and you let out a whine at the sudden feeling. “Oh, fuck.” You said breathlessly and he chuckled against you, knowing he hadn’t even started.
You felt his tongue stiffen and lick a stripe up you, gathering what juices you had made on his mouth and letting a hum escape his lips. The vibration made you jitter and his grip on your thighs tightened. He began slow, licking and sucking gently. You grinded your hips into his face and he smiled into it. Anakin was quick to move himself so that he was laying down next to you. His hands reached over to pull you on top of him and he scooted you up so that you were sitting right on his face. His nose poked at your clit and your eyes rolled back. Your hands reached up to grab the wall behind his head as he sucked away, almost taking your soul with him. Every movement of his tongue made your hips buck around and it intensified the feelings when you’d brush up against his nose or hit your clit on his tongue.
Anakin stopped briefly and left his tongue out, unmoving. You whined, your hips began to sway back and fourth against him for some kind of friction. He smiled under you and you looked at him as you rode his tongue, feeling yourself begin to tighten at the stomach. A sly hand reached up as you grinded down on him and two soft fingers slid in. You gasped and your eyes squeezed shut as you felt him began to slide in and out of you with his long fingers. “Good girl.” He mumbled as your movements got faster. “Cum on my face, love.” That was the only thing you needed. The tight feeling in your stomach turned to heat and spread through your body as you felt yourself begin to unfold. Your back arched as you rode his face and his fingers curled in a way that made you want to scream, you bit down on your lip to stifle yourself and your legs began to shake. It wasn’t long before you were running away from his tongue, pulling your hips back as the feeling of him touching your sensitive clit was too much to handle and he chuckled.
“My turn.” He whispered before flipping the two of you over and pulling his own clothes off. The look of his muscles under his skin as he moved quickly to rid himself of the painful constraints around his hips made goosebumps erupt all over your body. His mouth connected with your collarbone and you moaned, he moved up slowly until his lips reached yours. He pressed his lips against yours and you tasted what you could only imagine to be your own cum on his lips. You whimpered into his mouth and sucked on his lower lip, causing his hips to buck toward you. “Fucks sake..” He moaned as he lined himself up with your perfectly eager hole. He slipped in with no issue and your hands gripped at his shoulders, a gasp left his mouth when he didn’t stop until he was completely inside of you. He stayed there a moment until you wiggled under him, desperate for him to move, even a little. A smirk pulled at his lips as he started to thrust into you far quicker than you’d have imagined. You pressed your mouth against his shoulder as his hip bones hit your body with every thrust. Your soft sounds were muffled by his skin and his gloved hand reached up to pull your head back. “I wanna hear you.” He groaned and you finally let the sounds out with no hesitation.
His movements made the bed creak and neither of you thought of the fact that somebody might hear you, nor did you care. Your hand raised up from his shoulder to grab the bed frame to keep it from moving too much but it didn’t work all that well. You felt him pushing up against your cervix and it hurt in a good way, causing you to yelp. “Too deep?” He whispered with a teasing smile on his face and you shook your head.
“Not deep enough..” You moaned and Anakin chuckled. He lifted your legs so that they were laying against his chest, parallel to his body and angled his hips so they would thrust up toward you. Your eyes rolled back as you felt a familiar feeling in your stomach. He held your hips to him with a firm grasp as he ravaged your cunt. Your eyes snapped open and you saw him, forehead shining with sweat, eyebrows furrowed. He looked focused and you felt it. You felt a pulsating feeling against your clit. His hands were holding your thighs so you knew exactly how he was doing it. Your jaw slacked in pleasure as the feeling and you threw your head against the pillow as he used the Force to pull another orgasm out of you. It didn’t take long, you started to clench around him as your body began to shake in his grip. You reached up behind you to grab the headboard again, this time to tether yourself. You began to see small dots in your vision as you got closer and closer. Your pussy clenching around him made him throb and you felt his movements get faster and faster before you both began to convulse with moans flying out of your mouths. You felt the Force vibrations end abruptly as you he thrusted into you slowly, as the orgasms lingered away from both of you. He let your legs drop on either side of you and he dropped his body onto yours. Your arms instantly wrapped around him and you both caught your breath for a moment.
“You had class ten minutes ago, you know?” He whispered against your skin and your eyes snapped open.
“Shit.” You said as you jumped out of his bed with urgency. “Why didn’t you say something before?!” You yelled as you pulled your clothes into your arms and ran to his bathroom.
“Where’s the fun in that?” Anakin raised an eyebrow as he watched you, a laugh escaped him as you scrambled around to look half decent. You scowled at him and he approached you after pulling his own pants on, you were looking in his mirror and tying your hair up into a pony tail. His lips pressed a small kiss to the back of your neck and you immediately calmed down. You turned to face him and he brushed a loose hair behind your ear.
“We’ll talk about this later.” You said and he smiled. He knew you’d say that. A kiss was placed on your head and he opened his door for you.
“I know.” He said curtly as you speed walked past him to run to the training areas. You were trying to think of a lie to tell your master but all you could think of was him so when you arrived, you didn’t even try to explain yourself. You simply got to work with your master. All you heard for the rest of the day was that you needed to correct your focus and you didn't say anything, you knew just who to blame for that.
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goldustwomun · 23 days
Text
all of me wants all of you (s.b.)
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pairing: sirius black x younger potter!reader
summary: something about your relationship with sirius black had never sit quite right with you, and now that he's back after two years of travelling the world, you're beginning to think that you'll soon find out what'll happens if the two of you finally fall over the edge of whatever precipice you've been teetering close to all these years. plus, you've got to work with him all summer, so what's the worst that could happen?
warnings: angst so much angst, some healing as well, hugs from a concerned mother, more angst, more angst, fluff?, actual communication omg, do you ever meet someone's eyes and just one look from them has you breaking down and bawling, yeah :) , not proofread but i'll do it in the morning!!
wc: 3.3k+
note: i've been on some sort of writing kick so enjoy these daily updates D: anyway can y'all tell i'm MISSING my mum. only four more weeks though! x
pt i. / pt ii. / pt iii.
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You were elbow deep in a sink of dirty dishes, your Mum towelling dry the plates next to you, when you finally came out and said it.
“Am I a disappointment, Mum?”
She froze right there, arms poised and plate hovering mid-air. It was only a second later when she recovered, gently placing the dish on the counter when she turned to look at you. Her head was titled in that concerned way of hers, and you’re not sure what it was about the look in her eyes – of hurt and worry and love – but the tears started flowing right then and there.
“Oh, my love, how could you ever think that?” she questioned, tugging you into her arms, not caring about the water from your hands or the tears from your eyes soaking her new cotton dress. She smelled of chamomile tea and custard creams and home. And as much as you thought you hated her sometimes; her reassurance was what you needed most when the world seemed out to get you.
“You could never disappoint me or Da’, you know that.” She pulled back, forcing you to look up into her eyes, noticing the shimmer across her own irises. “Tell me you know that my sweetest girl.”
“I—” and your voice broke but you kept going— “I don’t know if I do.” With a deep breath you tried to explain it all. “It just seems like everyone hates me sometimes. And I guess it, I’m difficult, I know that I am, but sometimes—I mean, a lot of the time, really, it feels like I can’t control it. When I argue and bicker and stomp away in a tantrum. It’s these feelings—I have so many, and I never know what to do with them, and it’s like drowning in indecision and I always make the wrong choice.”
“I know, love, I know,” she soothed, pulling you back in and smoothing her palm across your hair. You melted into her embrace like you hadn’t since you were ten years old. “You’re so much like me, you know? I swear, hear it every time we’re out with our friends. And when I was your age, I felt that way too. Lost and overwhelmed and like I wasn’t enough.”
“So, what did you do—to get rid of those feelings, I mean?” you asked, already dreading her answer.
“I didn’t. And you shouldn’t want to, either.” You almost lifted your head to argue but stopped yourself before you could. “Your emotions and feelings and thoughts and dreams—they make you who you are. Of course, it’s important to acknowledge the root of the ones that pester you the most and try to understand why they have such a hold over you. And maybe it’s my fault, really, for not saying it more, but we are so so proud of you.”
“I think you say it more to James and Sirius than you do to me,” you pointed out, a slight bite to your words but not enough to sting.
“James is, well, James. I can’t deny that he’s occasionally—” you raised your eyebrow incredulously at that and she responded with an amused eyeroll— “struggled with his classes and getting it together, so it seemed important to guide him in the right direction with praises. Sirius, on the other hand—well, we’re all he has. We just wanted him to feel loved.”
You nodded, understanding, but not sure how you fit into all of this. “Then you, my love. When you were younger you were always naturally good at things. I never understood where you got that from cause it certainly wasn’t from me. You put little effort into things and excelled, so maybe I got used to the idea that I knew you’d always be alright even if I didn’t say anything. But that’s my fault, I shouldn’t have withheld my pride out of laziness.”
“I don’t think you’re lazy, Mum,” you urged, but she hushed you with that stern voice of hers.
“I’m sure you don’t but shush because I won’t admit it again,” she scolded, her voice entirely mocking and somewhere between those tears, you managed a smile. “Your Da’ and I always knew you’d go on to do brilliant things. You’re intelligent, and passionate, and those muggle kids of yours adore you. You’re shaping their lives in ways you can’t even know, and they’re lucky to have you, just like I am, my sweet girl.”
She leaned forward, placing a kiss to the crown of your head.
“And do you hate that I live at home still?”
She reeled back, both shocked and confused. “of course not. We love having you here! It’s entirely selfish, really. Got to convert James’ old room into a study, as well as keep you around for the company and to help with chores. If anything, I don’t want you to move out,” she explained, serious. “Really, if you had more natural light in your room, we would’ve helped you to a new place the second you graduated from Hogwarts.”
You barked out a laugh at that, entirely believing her. “Okay, okay. I get it. I’m wanted, or whatever.” You could feel your cheeks flaring at the thought of saying it out loud, but you ignored the feeling to relish in your Mum’s embrace a little while longer.
“Oh, yeah—whatever,” she teased, reaching up to wipe a stray tear from your face. “You could never disappoint me.”
All you could do was nod before your face dropped with apprehension. “What—what is it, love?” she asked, concerned herself.
“Well, you see, you say that now but I did something kind of dumb…” you trailed off, unable to confess just yet.
“What did you—you didn’t murder someone, did you? Because I love you but I don’t think I could manage Azkaban with those arthritis flare ups I’ve been getting.”
“What--! Mum, no, I didn’t—how could I? How could you think I’d be capable of murder?!” and really it had been the longest you’d gone without absolutely belting at someone.
“You are quite easily irritated,” she reasoned.
“If people stopped being so irritating—” you stopped, taking a deep breath, before confessing— “No, it’s both better and worse.”
“Go on,” she encouraged, but even she didn’t seem entirely convinced.
“I kissed Sirius.”
And it was like crickets between the two of you. Not a scolding shout or a cry of horror or—
“Okay… and is that it?” she asked bluntly.
“What do you mean ‘is that it?’. It’s wild, unbelievable, otherworldly, even!” you sputtered, not quite comprehending the calm with which she was speaking.
“Oh, don’t be dramatic, love. It’s not a good look,” and she pushed you out of the way to continue scrubbing at the dirty dishes, ignoring your stunned frame.
“Aren’t you going to ask me ‘why’?” you pushed, peering over her shoulder to check she was very much alive and breathing and not pranking you with a bit of some sort.
“I don’t need to, I know why,” she answered simply. You balked, tugging her shoulder back so she halted her movements and turned to face you.
“And what might that ‘why’ be?”
“It’s simple, really. You love him, you’ve always loved him. Since you were five and he pushed James into the dirt for stealing your copy of that Tiger, Wizard, and Cabinet’ book.”
You couldn’t help the way your hand slapped against your face right then, from exhaustion or exasperation, you weren’t sure. “It’s the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Mum,” you groaned.
“That definitely doesn’t sound right,” she pouted. “Anyway, he got the book back from James and you were so pleased you came up to me and said ‘Mummy, I think Sirius isn’t so bad after all, can we keep him?’. And when I explained the laws around owning human beings, you huffed and hid under the dining room table all day until you fell asleep.”
“Well, that does sound like me…”
“Of course, it sounds like you. I’m your mother,” she chided. “You didn’t start pretending to hate Sirius until you were about ten or eleven and he got that first girlfriend of his. What was her name—Lacey? Macey?”
“Stacey,” you chewed out, only to realise the anger with which you spoke her name despite never having known her. “Oh—”
“’Oh’ indeed. And what did you say to young Sirius after this kiss?” she pried, entirely engrossed in the story now as she rested her hip against the damp counter.
“I might’ve—you know---”
“No! you didn’t!” she burst out, already knowing exactly what you were going to say.
“I did, Mum, I did,” you moaned, pathetic and questioning if there was any way to rectify the situation, you’d found yourself in.
“Well, I can’t help you with that, love. You’re on your own, kid,” she explained, wiping her hands clean before sending you off (you weren’t entirely sure where, exactly) with a pat on your back.
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If you were anyone else, you would’ve taken such an encouraging conversation and somewhat-healed trauma of your childhood as a sign to go speak with Sirius.
But no, lucky for you, you were you.
He hadn’t shown up to work all week, using the flu as an excuse. So when James and Lily invited you over for a small gathering— “Really, James, two parties in one month? What kind of home are you raising my nephew in!”—you hadn’t thought much of it, or him.
“Do let me know if I’ve got this correct– you’ve decided to host a fourth of July party despite not being American, or, now that I think about it further, ever having been to America?” you questioned, genuinely worrying for Lily’s sanity as she rocked a bumbling Harry on her lap, cheeks painted with red, white and blue stars.
“Well, when you put it like that,” James groused, pouting, arms folded against his chest despite being the adult that he was.
“How else would you put it, James?” you argued, exasperated.
Lily perked up at the sound of a potential fight and silenced the two of you with a single look. If anyone was made to be a mother, it had to be Lily. She was compassionate and kind and gentle, as much as she could scare you with a simple glance, she could soothe all your worries as well.
“Look, I just needed an excuse to have a beer, and what better excuse is there than this! The holiday of beers—” I thought that was St. Paddy’s “—Hush! Otherwise, I’d have to wait for someone’s birthday or, what’s the next holiday–? Halloween? That’s ages away.”
You smirked at his odd logic. “Obviously it doesn’t necessarily have to be very Americana or whatever. Red, white and blue– just close your eyes and pretend it’s the beloved Union Jack instead!”
The gathering wasn’t as big as the last one, and you recognised the few familiar faces as Lily and James’ closest friends: Remus, Marlene, Mary, Peter, Sirius—
Sirius? Your head whipped back in a double take, watching as he pulled Remus into a hug ‘hello’ right by the garden gate. He hadn’t noticed you, not yet, but it didn’t take long for his gaze to fixate right on you. You couldn’t read his face, not having ever quite mastered the skill, but this time especially, he looked dazed and withdrawn.
Even his smiled seemed tight, like he didn’t quite mean it, and your heart plummeted at the thought that you’d done that to him.
“I’ll be right back,” you offered, distracted, to James as he preoccupied himself with squeezing Harry’s chubby fist.
Sirius had gone straight inside, probably headed for the kitchen, and you followed suit, wondering what it was about your brother’s house that had the two of you both rushing to and avoiding confrontation.
You found him right where you had expected—peering into the dimly lit fridge and pulling out a bottle of beer.
“Sirius,” you said, announcing your presence as you let the door click shut behind you. Luckily, no one else was inside the house, rather taking in the one day of sunlight and light breeze in an otherwise damp English spring.
You watched as his shoulders tensed instantly, and you just knew he wanted to be anywhere else but there, with you, at that moment, but he turned to face you anyway.
“How can I help, Potter?” he asked, keeping his cards close to his chest still.
“Can we talk?”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing right now,” he pointed out, brow raised as he took a deep gulp of his drink, cringing at the taste.
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it,” you pushed back, inching a step forward.
 “No, I don’t know what you mean,” he replied smoothly, seemingly untouched by the implication behind your words.
“You’re such a prick sometimes, Sirius.”
“And you’ve only just noticed? My, didn’t take you as slow, Potter,” he noted, mockingly, and you flinched at his casual cruelty.
“Don’t do that,” you scolded.
“Do what?” he fought back, “Speak my mind? Seems like you’re the only one allowed to do that around here, and when anyone dares contest, well, all hell breaks loose.”
“You’re not speaking your mind, though,” you argued.
“Ah, and you know my mind so well, do you?” The annoying thing about Sirius, amongst many other things, was that he knew how to get under your skin. Had perfected the craft after years of verbal combat with you. So his words poked and prodded at your soft underbelly with ease as he brandished his hurt around like a swordsman with a too-heavy sword.
“Maybe not entirely, but when it comes to us, I think I know enough.” He stayed silent after that, hesitant, as if waiting for you to make the first move. “The other day, when we kissed—” and you knew you were getting hotter because something, some feeling, flickered behind his irises “—I said it was a mistake—”
“—I know, love. I was there,” he scowled. “No need to remind a man of his failings.”
“Just— let me finish!” You inhaled, slow, before continuing. “I said it was a mistake when, in fact, I felt the opposite. It’s just—it’s you and I, Sirius, and when it comes to us, I might know, inside, what I mean and feel and intend to show but when it comes to the actual ‘doing’ part of it all, I always seem to mess up. So, when I said it was a mistake, what I really meant was—”
And it was his turn to cut you off with his mouth, only this time it was sweet and yearning and apologetic as opposed to the fire and passion and lust that had guided the two of you the last time you’d found yourself in his hold.
His mouth slid over your own, careful and inquisitive, whilst his palms cradled your face, as if you’d slip out of his grasp if he moved even an inch in the wrong direction.
It was lovely, really.
As much as you wished for him to keep going, to keeping kissing you like he might yearn for you too (though you wouldn’t be saying those three words for a while), you were horribly aware of the fact that Lily, or worse, your brother, might walk in at any moment.
So, Sirius didn’t allow himself to get carried away with you, not yet at least, and instead he pulled away with a content sigh, tracing your bottom lip with his thumb as if to memorise it by feel alone.
“Is that our thing then? Kisses in the form of sneak-attacks?” you mused, vibrating and giddy and utterly pleased.
“Could be, if you want?” and it seemed like he was still entranced with your mouth to properly reply in any meaningful manner.
“Sirius,” you pleaded, urging him to look at you, properly. He tore his gaze away from your lips, finally, and the way his face split into a grin had those fucking butterflies returning, tenfold. “Are you okay?”
“I will be once I take you to mine and do that all over again, only, a little less clothed and a lot more horizontal” he promised, the cheek of his you had come to endearing having return after his previous sulking.
“You’re a menace,” you groaned as he buried his smirking face into the crook of your neck, holding you tight to him before his grip relaxed and he pressed a kiss to your forehead, holding you right there.
“I know, and I’m only joking—well, if you want me to be joking, I will be. But I’m fine—I swear it. It just seems surreal, us, like this,” he explained.
“I get that, it is a bit odd, but I’ve realised you need to contextualise those weird, new feelings and not let them control you, at least, not if they’re ‘bad’ or whatever,” you offered clumsily, trying, in your own way, to relay the same advice your Mum had.
He snorted in response, and you smacked his back from where your arms were wrapped around him. “You sound like your Mum.”
“Mm, that is my Mum. Only, she said it better, and more concise, and in that Mum-way that just makes sense.”
“Ah, well that makes a bit more sense.” He pulled back for a moment, not letting you out of the circle of his arms yet. “We should talk about this a little more, shouldn’t we?”
You nodded, sighing as you moved away from him to get a hold of your thoughts once more. “I think, for me at least, I conflated anger with my feelings for you because I wasn’t exactly sure how to handle them, and deep down, I worried you’d reject me, so it seemed easier to argue with you than—”
“--this,” he finished for you, and he must’ve read the agreement on your face because he bobbed his head in response. “It makes sense, really, and it’s about the same for me, only, there was the whole issue of James and, I mean, I’m older—”
“—by a few years,” you maintained, scowling, and he wanted to kiss you for it.
“Yes, love, but a few years means different things depending on how old you are. We’ve never really been in the same phase of life until now, so I don’t think I wanted it—nor would it have been appropriate, really—until a year or two ago. By then, it seemed too late, so I just kept—”
“—bickering.”
“Yeah, bickering. Arguing. Biting back. It was the safer option.” And everything he said made sense, it was all entirely reasonable, but you still mourned the time lost to not being entirely honest with each other.
“But there’s no point worrying over that now, not when we can’t do anything about it,” he reasoned, noting the faraway look in your eyes and centring you back, there, with him.
“We should get back to the party,” you whispered, fearing what would happen when the two of you left the safety on the kitchen, flooded still with gold and a certain stillness that had you aching for this moment to be forever.
“Yeah, love, let’s go back,” he answered, just as quiet, nudging his head toward the door. Just as your hand came up to turn the doorknob, Sirius’ palm came up in front of you, halting your movements. He stood, still, behind you, and close as ever. You could feel every breath he took, and that damn cologne you’d started missing in the bookstore as well. “Don’t worry about us, love, we’ll be fine,” he assured you.
You answered by turning the knob and making your way back towards the garden. Sirius followed from behind, and when you stepped through the backdoor, you realised how little had changed since you’d gone inside, but also just how much had changed, as well.
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as always, please comment and reblog if you enjoyed this <3
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scribblesofagoonerr · 2 months
Text
Turmoil of events...
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This update might be a bit all over the place. I'm still ill, but I had a spark to write, even if it doesn't make much sense at all.
Credit to @alotofpockets for the idea on this update; I am very grateful for her help!
⟫ part 1
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After being sick for five days, it became apparent that having the flu was not enjoyable. You spent most of the week confined to your bed, wrapped in blankets, with a noticeable pile of used tissues beside you. You felt cold one moment and hot the next, shivering uncontrollably.
You had been feeling completely miserable. However, the good news was that you were starting to feel better just in time for the training session ahead of the away game against Bristol.
Although, your team's mothers held differing opinions on the matter.
"Maybe you should take a few more days to recover" Beth suggests, shaking her head. "I still don't think this is a good idea" she adds.
"Why? I feel better now" It's not a complete lie. You do feel better, although you're still slightly sniffling and your head is pounding a little bit too much. Overall, you did feel better than previously.
"I just don't think it's a good idea" Beth says, pursing her lips and turns to look at Viv, seeking her input.
The Dutch shakes her head in agreement and adds, "There's no harm in taking extra time to feel better. You don't want to push yourself and make yourself worse" she tells you.
You try your best to resist the urge to inwardly groan at the two of them, "Seriously? Come on. I'll be fine! I have to get back into the squad-- You know that the nations league games are coming up soon so I need to get minutes" You know that it's important to play; you can't be sidelined instead.
"There'll be plenty of chances for that" Viv tells you with a frown, but she can't help but be concerned about how much you've been pushing yourself.
"I can't be sidelined, I need minutes!" You exclaim before you storm off to finish getting ready for training.
"That kid is..." Beth begins to speak.
"Stubborn" Viv finishes the blondes' sentence.
Beth can't help but chuckle slightly, "Well, that's one word for it now, huh?" she jokes.
"If you're talking about Y/N, then she's definitely stubborn," Laura chips in, amusedly, as she appears in the kitchen. "What happened this time?" she wonders.
"Y/N wants to go to training apparently" Beth exhales a sigh and shakes her head. "It's a bad idea" she states.
"It's definitely a bad idea" Laura replies in agreement with the blonde, she knew how stubborn you could be at times.
"Well, hopefully Jonas will realise that's not ready to be playing in the game yet" Viv tells them as she exhales a sigh.
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Apparently, Y/N had done an excellent job of persuading Jonas and the coaching staff that she was fit to play. Therefore, it was not surprising when she secured a spot in the starting eleven for the upcoming game.
This game is significant as Viv is set to return to the pitch, being subbed on during the second half.
"Oh dear" Beth mumbles as she shook her head.
Viv exhales a sigh, "This is not good" she states.
"I'm glad to see that Y/N is feeling better. It'll be good to have her in the starting lineup," Steph says as she looks over to where Kyra and Y/N are joking around on the bus.
"Except that she's not better. We told her she should take more time, but you know what Y/N is like..." Beth remarks.
"Stubborn" Steph pipes in, amusedly.
Beth and Viv both nod in agreement with the woman.
Jen furrows her eyebrows, "You mean she's still sick? I can't see this going well then" she confesses.
"It really isn't going to" Beth exhales a sigh.
"We can't get involved though and decide things for her, or she'd be upset with us for that" Viv states knowingly.
"Yeah, you're right there, Viv" Beth replies in agreement with her girlfriend as she looks over at you, realising that she couldn't say anything and sway the decision or it would backfire on her.
"Cheater!" Y/N shouts aloud, glaring at the australian girl sat opposite her. "Stop cheating!" You protest.
"How am I a cheat? You can't even cheat at Uno!" Kyra delcares with a smug smirk on her face.
"Easy there Y/N, it's just a game now" Laura states, amusedly, although she isn't playing, she's joined all of you on the coach to the game to watch it.
"Nah! Kyra's cheating!" You continue to scowl at the girl while crossing your arms.
"How did I?" Kyra's smug look was starting to annoy you even more.
"You know you did-- You looked at my cards!" You break out into a sudden loud cough as you get worked up, shooting further glares at the 21-year-old.
"You want some water for that cough?" Laura wonders, concerned.
"I'm fine!" You shake your head in protest.
"I thought you said you were better--" Kyra's words are cut off.
"I am, I'm totally fine. It's just a tickle!" You protest, shaking your head as you try and avoid coughing again.
The rest of the girls' don't seem so convinced about it as Kyra and you continue to play uno, under the watchful eye of the rest of the girls.
"Kyra! Stop cheating!" You shout aloud, fed up off the girl constantly cheating with the game and trying to look at your cards.
"Less of the bickering now children" Katie chips in as she laughs, shaking her head from where she sits beside Caitlin.
"There's only one actual child here" You remark, continuing to cross your arms and scowl at the Aussie girl in front of you.
"What's going on?" Alessia wonders, glancing at the two of you confused as she sits in front with Vic.
"Kyra is being a massive cheat!" You exclaim aloud, pointing your finger in the girls' direction accusingly.
"Sure, go and tattle. That's real mature of you kid" Kyra states, smirking cockily.
"Says the 21-year-old whos' acting immature" You remark as the girls all watch you and Kyra bicker amusedly.
"You're being dramatic, Y/N. It's just a game now" Kyra states doing everything in her that she can to wind you up.
"KYRA!" You lunge towards the older girl.
"Y/N!" Kyra shouts back.
"Girls, they're fighting again. Might want to sort that out?" Katie jokes glancing between Beth, Viv and Steph as she watches the two of you almost attempt to wrestle with eachother.
"Kyra, cut it out. Stop winding Y/N up" Steph scolds the younger Aussie girl.
"Kyra, stop winding Y/N up" Steph scolds the younger Aussie girl.
"Y/N you need to calm down, it's just a game. Take it easy" Beth scolds, shaking her head. "Viv, would you talk to her? She'll listen to you" she turns to her girlfriend for help.
"Y/N" Viv scolds you with a knowing firm look
"Sorry" Both you and Kyra apologise after being told off like 2 misbehaved kids, at least you had an excuse that you were an actual kid.
"Handled it like a pro there, girls" Katie jokes with them.
"Well, we've got a few years experience, eh?" Beth remarks to the Irish women.
"It's like I'm permanently babystting" Steph huffs and rolls her eyes. "Caitlin, it's your turn next!" she insists to the fellow Aussie, while the rest of the girls just laugh.
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At first the warm-up is going successful, you run with the rest of the girls to warm up and try and obtain the energy needed, you're feeling good and motivated about the game.
It's going well until it's not...
You can't help but wobble slightly as there's a light pounding in the back of your head, you just put it down to dehydration instead rather than the after-effects of illness instead.
"You alright, Y/N?" Lia notices you stumble slightly and frowns.
"I... I'm good" You're crouching over slightly as you feel out of breath but you try and play it off like its' nothing instead.
"You're sure?" Lia checks in as she's not too keen to give up on the conversation yet.
"Oh yeah I'm great, I'm totally fine" You insist as you try and push off the terrible feeling that you felt looming; You couldn't afford to miss this game due to illness.
"Y/N..." Lia still doesn't look totally convinced, but she knows better than to try and push you.
"I'm fine, really Lia... Uh huh, yep I'm cool" You nod and quickly run off in the opposite direction to avoid any further questions and concerns.
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"Okay, kid. This is it, your time to shine!" Katie's enthusiastic voice comes from behind you in the lineup. "Are you ready for this?" she asks.
You were reluctant to acknowledge that your headache was intensifying. The throbbing sensation in your temple caused you to tightly shut your eyes, and the noise emanating from the crowd only made it worse.
It's worth mentioning that your throat feels somewhat scratchy again. However, you have to play in this game, so you pretend it's nothing and that you're fine.
"I was born ready, let's go!" You cheer and try to be like your usual upbeat self, but never mind how terrible you still feel.
"Let's go girls!" Kim exclaims, leading the team onto the pitch alongside the Bristol team.
As you walk out to the pitch with the rest of your team, you try to keep up the facade of looking happy. You attempt to block out the pounding feeling in your temple, knowing that you only have to make it through 90 minutes before you can finally flop down and fall asleep once again.
As soon as the whistle blows and the game starts, you get your first touch on the ball and begin racing all over the pitch. Despite fighting off the flu, you don't give Bristol a chance to gain possession of the ball.
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It all happened too quickly for you to realise what is happening at that moment. The team is 2-1 ahead of Bristol when everything went wrong.
You went to intercept the ball, a simple move that you had done plenty of times. Suddenly, as you got your toe on the ball, ready to pass it in the direction of Alessia, you felt a sudden pop in your knee, followed by a sharp pain that felt excruciating.
"Agh!" You scream as you fall down onto the pitch in agony.
"Y/N!" Beth is the first to crouch beside you, concern spread across her face. "What's happened?" she questions, worriedly.
The sound of the whistle echoes through the stadium as the girls rush to your side to check on you; the noise is suddenly silent as the crowd of fans watches on in despair as Arsenal's wonder kid falls down on the pitch.
"What hurts-- What's happened?" Katie asks, concerningly as she joins you on the other side.
The tears well up in your eyes as you clutch your knee to stop the pain, "My knee... It's my knee!" You exclaim, letting out a sound of whimpering. "I heard it... I heard the pop!" You add.
"It's okay, Y/N. Don't panic; everything is going to be fine" Viv says as she quickly comes to your side. She had been subbed on to replace Alessia, but you couldn't help but feel awful. This was supposed to be Viv's comeback, her return to the pitch after her ACL injury, and instead, you selfishly took the spotlight away from her.
You could see the girls exchanging looks as they signalled for medics. It's at that moment that you realise you have made a grave mistake. Even though nobody spoke, it was clear that the situation was not good.
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© scribblesofagoonerr
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ninthskzmember · 2 months
Text
Sweet revenge
Hwang Hyunjin x reader.
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idol!hyunjin x idol!reader word count: 1,3k warnings: kinda angsty, jealous hyunjin (lives in my head rent free), resentful reader, swearing. note: hi guys! i just wanted to keep a little update for you all while i'm working with the 2min sharing is caring part. i hope you enojoy this. <3 love ya.
"So you're really doing it"
"I'm totally doing it"
"Everyone is gonna know..."
"Yeah, that's kind of the idea" You smiled at her "I want him to feel as stupid as I did"
"Yeah, I get it but―"
"Stop defending him" you cutted her off. "If you're on his side then be, but don't come here and annoy me"
"I'm not" she added "What he did was wrong, periodt. BUT" she emphasized the last word "You'll expose him in front of everyone"
"He will know"
"Okay, but the people who knew you will know too" she paused "plus he sucks at hiding shit"
"That's on him, he sucks at media training" you laughed when remembered the many times he almost exposed your relationship with him just because his goofyness.
"Okay, I'm just warning you" she smiled and walked towards you "Have fun and break a leg" she hugged your body and let you go.
"Thank you, Somi" You smiled at her and moments later, she left.
[Later that day...]
'I met a guy in the summer and I left him in the spring, he argued with me about everything.'
Your song started blasting on the huge speakers from the award show, the sound of the drums was making the people's chest even vibrate a bit
'He had an ego and a temper and a wandering eye, he said he's six foot two and I'm like dude... nice try.'
And there it was, the first direct lyrics against your ex lover, standing right in first row with his beloved members right beside him.
You weren't even trying to hide that you wanted to see his reactions over the lyrics, you kept an eye on his table from the first moment you got a foot on stage.
'But he was so much fun, and he had such weird friends, and he would take us out to parties and the night would never end. Another song, another club, another bar, another dance, and when he'd said something wrong, he'd just fly me to France.'
You knew his members knew about you, so there was no surprise to you when they laughed out loud with the 'weird friends'.
When the song reached the France line, in the screens from the place there were shown many pictures of you in the country... The ones that Hyunjin took for you in his own little camera. Yes, you'd save them for years if you needed to.
'So I miss him some nights when I'm feeling depressed, till I remember all the times he made a pass on my friend. Do I love him? Do I hate him? I guess it's up and down; If I had to choose... I would say right now...'
Long pause, just to have him on his tippy toes. Jeongin was literally grabbing him, waiting for the music to break and expecting the next lyrics.
'I want to get him back, wanna make him really jealous, wanna make him feel bad. Oh, I want to get him back, 'cause then, again, I really miss him and it makes me real sad'
Audience screaming and moving their hands in the air to the rhythm of the music, and a 'I can't believe it' kind of expression in Hyunjin's face was everything that you needed to feel fulfilled.
'Oh, I want sweet revenge. I want him again. I want... To get him back, back, back'
You sang these lyrics while dancing along with Beomgyu, who was banging his head along with the music. You knew Hyunjin was going to be upset about it, you had a zillion discussions with your ex-lover about this guy, and that's why you did it.
'So I write him all these letters and I throw them in the trash cause I miss the way he kisses and the way he made me laugh'
You changed your lyrics while singing live 'the way he grabs my ass' while the backing track stayed true to the official line. Shocked everyone in the room, including your own friends in the building, who knew the real lyrics but didn't expect you to be explicit at this event.
'Yeah, I pour my little heart out, but as I'm hitting "Send"
I picture all the faces of my disappointed friends'
You pointed to those friends in question: Somi, Karina, Giselle, Yujin, Yunjin, and Chaewon between others, who screamed their lungs off from your action, hyping you up.
'Because everyone knew all of the shit that he'd do
He said I was the only girl but that just wasn't the truth'
You side-eyed him and then did the same thing with Yeji, who looked fastly to the floor, hiding her face and then looking away.
Everyone in the industry knew you weren't one to mess with, and yet, those two did.
This was just the begging of a long plan you made up to get your sweet revenge to the one who broke your trust and heart and the one who went along with it.
'And when I told him how he hurt me, he'd tell me I was trippin'. But I am my father's daughter, so maybe I could fix him'
You flutterer your eyes to the camera at the end of the lyric and the chorus started again, you repeating your actions from before.
[...]
"What do you want?" You asked when you observed him through the mirror
"What was all that about?"
"A song I wrote, why?" You asked, not even bothering to turn around and engage the conversation
"I know you wrote it" he rolled his eyes
"Did it touch you deep inside?" You laughed, still eating some snacks
"You shouldn't have done that. The France pictures? Y/n, that was risky"
"Risky?" You turned back this time "Fuck off, Hyunjin. Fuck you, and Yeji. Oh wait, you've already done that"
"Why are you not taking your makeup off?" He ignored your comment "You always take your makeup off after performing"
"Because I've got a date and I like the makeup" you smiled
"Oh, do you? Who is it?"
"Why do you care?" You brought another snack to your lips
"Is it Beomgyu?"
"Why do you care so much who's dick I ride?" You frowned
"You had sex with him already?" His ears turned red
"It's none of your business. Keep your dick inside Yeji and don't bother me."
"We were wasted, I didn't mean to do it. You know it" the man stared at you trying to hide his emotions.
"I don't care! You hurt me, Hyunjin. I was the one to find you two having naked aftercare. AFTERCARE. You don't do aftercare with a one-time-accidental hook up." You sighted for a moment "I won't fucking cry and ruin my makeup. Leave. Now." Your eyes were already watery as you tried to stop the tears
"I won't." He stood his ground in front of you
"Leave, they're gonna pick me up any minute and I don't want you here to ruin it"
"No. Please forgive me, I didn't mean to hurt you." he took your hand and you pulled it away quickly
"Don't touch me. My trust in you is broken, there's no going back" you denied as you took a few steps away from him
"Please" his eyes were the ones that were watery now, you could tell he was being honest, but you couldn't forgive him after what he made you feel.
"Y/ninnie, time to gooo" A voice cooed from the door as you froze
"Chan Hyung?" Hyunjin turned himself faster than ever, as his eyes met his leaders
"Hyunjin? I... I didn't expect you here" the older one blinked a few times as you observed everything from behind Hyunjin's body
"Hyung... What are you doing here?"
You thought that getting him back was gonna make everything better, but hearing the hurt in his voice broke you even more.
"Mate, I can explain" His leader walked inside
Hyunjin didn't even say another word, he just walked past his member, looking back at both of you, and left the room as one tear rolled down his face.
You felt how your world crashed inside of you. Turns out that getting him back was not what you needed, and just hurt yourself even more.
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81folklore · 8 months
Text
happiness - CL16
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pairing: charles leclerc x ex!reader (fc: sabrina carpenter + pintrest) part 2
summary: releasing a song about your ex might finally stop the rumors surrounding your breakup (or: you release happiness about your ex charles leclerc)
authors note: this is my first ever post (and social media au) so please bear with me as im still figuring this all out!!) i dont use proper grammer and may mispell things!! the song ‘happiness’ by taylor is one of my faves so i had to use it, i am interpreting the song in a very specific way to fit the story! i do not own ‘happiness’ nor any song mentioned in this fic. it ended up longer than expected im so sorry😅
masterlist
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yourusername
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liked by annacathcart, henrymoodie and 1,550,456 others
its times like these wish i had a time machine,, i will miss you guys SO MUCH!! buuuut we are going international for the first time and i cannot wait to share my music with all you beautiful people🌟
see you soon paris & link for tickets in bio💌
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user5 cannot wait to see you in paris!!
user7 this tour has been one of the best things to ever happen to me, cant wait to scream nonsense at you once again🫶
user10 genuinely cant stand her after what she put charles through
user9 what are you talking about? their breakup was mutual
user10 seems like she doesnt care which means it clearly hasnt affected her
henrymoodie so excited to be opening for you in europe!
yourusername youre in for a treat tour mate🫣
user2 sigh i miss her and landos interactions
charles_leclerc
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liked by olliebearman, arthur_leclerc and 1,164,121 others
definitely not the result we were hoping for but thank you for making my home race as special as always, onto the next one!
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user10 you tried your best which is all we ask
user3 i missed yn this week, home race didnt feel the same😔
user1 i thought it felt different, he seemed very distracted this weekend
user13 at least you finished the race (im coping badly)
user4 we love you charles keep pushing❤️🤍FORZA FERRARI
yourusername
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liked by newhopegeorge, landonorris and 2,025,754 others
how am i supposed to leave you now that you’re already over..
paris you were so so lovely what did i do to deserve you guys :’) next stop brussels💌
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user89 talented, brilliant, incredible, show stopping, spectacular, wonderful, amazing!!
user52 forever missing you💌
user71 ok but yn why were you teasing a new song at the show…
yourusername shhhh
landonorris super proud of you
yourusername thank youuu landooo
user2 my prayers have been answered woooo
user46 i feel like i missed something, are lando and yn friends?
user5 yeah! lando was how yn met charles and theyve been friends for a few years now
ynupdates
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liked by user5, user16 and 13,456 others
yn on a new song she plans to release soon tonight at brussels ‘ive been writing a song for a while that really just helps explain the way ive been feeling these past few months, it was very therapeutic to write and ive really enjoyed the process!’ and when asked what the song was about she said ‘its about someone who will always mean alot to me, they know who they are and thats enough for me!’
she seemed very happy to be able to talk about it so expect more updates about that soon! next stop cologne, grab your tickets from the link in our bio💌
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user5 i cannot wait for new music
user16 what if she performs it on tour huh? what then? WHAT THEN??
user15 it’s definitely about charles, she had that same smile she wore when talking about him previously☹️
yourusername
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liked by vicdeangelis, lizzymcalpine, arthur_leclerc and 2,450,470 others
i cant make it go away by making you a villain, i guess its the price i paid for seven years in heaven…
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user5 these have to be song lyrics right??
user7 sounds like it might be about charles🤨
user10 not more music about charles, at least he gets free promo from them..
arthur_leclerc we miss you
yourusername i miss you guys too!! come to a show soon?
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leclerc-s · 3 months
Text
snow angel - track two
series masterlist // previous // next
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2 YEARS AGO
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i'll fucking fight him. i swear it.
no honey, you don't have to.
i saw this coming.
how on earth could you see this coming?
he was distant.
i've told him i loved him for days and he always responded me "me too" or worse he said nothing back
oh sweetie
how did you put up with that? you deserve so much better.
it's okay. i'm moving out of our apartment tonight. ryan said i can stay with him for a few weeks.
i love him lily. i don’t know when those feelings will go away. i hope they go away soon. i can’t keep loving someone who hurt me this bad.
i promise you i’ll fight him when i see him in bahrain next season.
i hope he dnfs
i hope you write a fucking day destroying album because of this. he will never know peace
oh lily, i'm going to ruin his fucking life with whatever i come with.
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lily muni he removed lando norris
lily muni he fuck that guy
charles leclerc i do not understand what happened? george russell you're telling me the chronically online guy doesn't know what just happened? alex albon the grid's #1 gossip girl doesn't know what happened? charles leclerc NO I DON'T KNOW THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING CONNARDS!
pierre gasly lando cheated on rhea
max verstappen i can crash into him in bahrain next season?
yuki tsunoda i will bite his ankles. lily muni he i'll poison his food yuki tsunoda we will not go that far. food is sacred.
esteban ocon does this mean that **** can finally **** ***?
lance stroll how about you shut the fuck up esteban? max verstappen what the fuck are you two going on about now? lance stroll ignore esteban. he's a bit delirious.
daniel ricciardo i promise to make his life miserable next year.
rhea reynolds i'm just pissed that he was too much of a coward to end our relationship before he went on to publicly cheat on me.
rhea reynolds at least try to not get caught.
charles leclerc what is it the kids say? he fumbled?
lance stroll please never use that phrase again
pierre gasly she's probably crying to taylor swift now
rhea reynolds LET ME BE PEAR GASLY! daniel ricciardo yeah, pierre let the girl be emotional! rhea reynolds if i'm crying to all too well that's nobody's business but mine
charles leclerc you can come to bahrain with me!
max verstappen or me! daniel ricciardo you're both thinking too small. show up with me. can't promise i'll have a good race or win but it'll show him!
rhea reynolds thanks guys but i'm not really up to going to races anytime soon.
lily muni he never let a man take anything from you. GO TO THE RACE!
rhea reynolds nah, not really up for it right now but i could change my mind in a few months. it's literally december!
charles leclerc i will save a spot for you regardless.
yukitsunoda it's okay, i can bite his ankles if he comes near you.
rhea reynolds i appreciate the sentiment yuki
rhea reynolds besides, i'll never date another fucking driver again.
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rheareynolds posted new stories
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nothing better than taylor swift to help with heartbreak who needs men when cats are much better company?
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liked by lilymhe, charles_leclerc, mickschumacher and others
rheareynolds home for the holidays update: i adopted a cat, i got cheated on (i should stick to dating women), and goats hate ryan. p.s. the first picture is what i sent to max when he made fun of me for getting cheated on.
tagged: vancityreynolds
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maxverstappen33 THAT’S NOT TRUE AND YOU KNOW IT!
↳ rheareynolds you told me and i quote, “that’s what you get for dating a guy who looks like a walking orange.”
↳ maxverstappen33 i called him ernie and then a walking orange. get it right.
lilymhe my offer still stands
↳ yukitsunoda0511 mine too! i can bite ankles!
↳ rheareynolds thanks guys but i'd rather not have to bail you out of jail for assault.
user01 so did they break up? or what? the chismosa in me needs to know
user02 it's okay rhea, he didn't deserve you
user03 fuck men, am i right?
comment liked by rheareynolds
vancityreynolds you're lying to everyone blake made those cinnamon rolls, not you.
↳ rheareynolds must you ruin everything?
↳ vancityreynolds it's my job as your older brother.
georgerussell63 why get an orange cat when he's a walking orange?
↳ alex_albon because rhea is the embodiment of an orange cat
↳ rheareynolds it's true. i've been told many times
user04 love to see that loser's friends are on her side. how are you going to publicly cheat on your girlfriend?
↳ user05 but did he cheat? what if they were broken up?
↳ user06 either you can't read (no offense) or you didn't read the caption, she literally says, "i got cheated on" they were very much together. stop trying to invalidate her pain because you love l*ndo
user07 it's okay baby, you can date me instead
↳ rheareynolds thanks for the offer babes but i should stick to being single for a while ❤️
↳ user07 i'm screaming!
user08 rhea's better than me fr. i would've destroyed his car carrie underwood style.
maxfretwell going to miss your cookies. that's the worst part about all of this
↳ rheareynolds yeah cause fuck my heartbreak right?
↳ maxfretwell that's not what i meant and you know it!
↳ rheareynolds can't wait to see the gossip pages say max fretwell says rhea reynolds' heartbreak is not validated
↳ maxfretwell i take it all back this is why he cheated on you
↳ rheareynolds TOO SOON FRETWELL!
↳ user09 curse n*rris for taking this duo away from us!
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taglist: @emilyval @ihateyougunthersteiner @lesliiieeeee @firetruckstuckley @cashtons-wife @landonorizzz @yoremins
strikethrough means i couldn't tag you
CLICK HERE TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST
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¡leclerc-s speaks! i was listening to say don't go while write the first half of this. hence, the reference to the song.
¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!
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moe-moe-kyun · 2 months
Text
Malicious Compliance
Synopsis: MC gets annoyed at Lucifer's bossiness and decides to toy with him a little.
Tags/Warnings: Nudity, suggestive, gender neutral reader, lucifer x MC, lucifer x reader, cursing, explicit language
Minors DNI!!
Notes: I'm writing a smut version of this :3 it just got a lil long and im doin all this on mobile lol
Condensation masked the mirror as you stepped from the shower, steam saturating the bathroom air. You tossed a towel over your shoulders and tappen the screen of your D.D.D. to awaken it- did Asmo finally send you that link for the up-and-coming influencer's DevilTube?
Lucifer: 6 Missed Calls
Fuck. You were boned. How had you not heard the phone vibrating?
Lucifer's profile image- a picture of the two of you on a task to the Human World- popped up as he called you again, and you were quick to answer.
"Finally. Come up to my office, we need to discuss your latest progress report." He sounded stern.
"Okay, I'll be up in, like, 5 minutes? I just-"
"Now," Lucifer cut you off before abruptly ending the call.
"The boning continues," you murmur. You move to finish toweling off but think 'Fuck it. He wants me there now? Bastard gets a wet floor,' and affix the towel around your waist while stepping out of the bathroom.
It took until you were halfway to Lucifer's office for doubt on your malicious compliance to creep in. The nearby railing was a lucky godsend to keep you from falling as your wet feet slipped on the hardwood floor. Too late now, you resolved, and continued the journey.
The doors to Lucifer's office creaked open. He didn't glance up at your entrance until he heard the soft 'plap's of water droplets colliding with the floor. You were moving to shake off more water as he finally met your gaze.
"MC, why are you not wearing clothes?"
"Because someone refused to listen when I said I needed a few minutes to dry off and get dressed," you snarked in response as he sighed.
"Please dry off and change, we can discuss the report when you're decent," his gaze was squarely on the desk before him, the faintest tint of pink blessing his pale cheeks.
"No."
"Excuse me?"
"No," you approached his desk as you spoke, "if I leave the office now I'm not coming back. What'd you need to talk about?"
Lucifer begged his gaze not to slip to where the towel was slipping around your waist, the faux knot coming loose little by little.
He clears his throat before beginning, knowing better than to try and argue at this point: "very well. The latest report from you Flora and Fauna of the Lower Circles of Hell course is less than satisfactory. There's a missing report and two assignments marked as C's." Lucifer points out each part of the progress report to you as he lists them. You stay quiet, leaning over from behind his chair, as he speaks.
"Huh, professor must not've updated it. There was an issue with TurnItIn that night and almost every student got a submission receipt while the teacher's end didn't get the actual paper, so that's square. The low scores were group assignments, see?" You move to point at the paper where 'Group Work' is printed in small lettering, and your bare chest brushes against Lucifer's back. You pretend not to notice how his spine stiffens in response.
"I will follow up with your professor to corroborate, but I suppose your explanations are satisfactory in the meantime," Lucifer says, placing the report down next to the others from your classes.
"Ooh is that one from Devildom Law? Move I wanna see what he said," you speak quickly, excited at the opportunity to see your grade.
Lucifer isn't sure how to react as you push your way in between him and his desk, sitting in his lap as you go over the report. He can't help the bulge growing in his pants, his cock getting harder the longer he looks at your bare back, water droplets still sliding down until they absorb into the loose towel around your waist.
"MC," he manages through grit teeth.
"Yeah, Luci?" He could hear your grin.
'They've known what they were doing this entire time,' the realization hits him as you slide farther back onto his lap. Lucifer's hands grip the armrests so hard his knuckles turn white.
The coy smile spreads greater across your face when your ass comes in contact with Lucifer's dick practically twitching in its confines. Just when it seemed you were about to grind against him, you stood. Relief flooded Lucifer's veins. How embarrassing this situation was- he prayed you would leave him with a shred of dignity and not acknowledge his arousal.
"Okay, well, if that's all?"
"Yes, you are free to return to your prior activities. Thank you for clarifying the report with me," Lucifer replied. He would never admit how much effort it took to keep his voice level as he met your gaze.
"Okiedokie, see you at dinner!" With a cheerful goodbye you pranced out of the office, leaving Lucifer to deal with his problem alone.
"Cheeky human," he muttered.
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