#then after my freshman year of college it grew out and got completely in my eyes and looked...ehh

[dejwrld]

CHOSOIST KINKTOBER GAMING PLAYLIST — WEEK 2

( GUARDIAN ANGEL ) 🎮 GUARDIAN ANGEL!SEPHIROTH X READER

— game synopsis: he's been your guardian angel since you were sixteen years old. protecting you from danger you didn't see coming, but now that you're slowly wanting space from him—he makes it his mission to remind you who you belong to until you take your final breath.

( cw ) ⸻ fem reader, female anatomy described, slight enemies to fuckers, reader somewhat purposely put herself in danger, possessive!sephiroth, mentions of sephiroth having pretty white wings, mating press position, cream pies, mentions of soul ties,

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀kinktober masterlist / previous playthrough

You’ve known him since you were sixteen years old. The mere memory of him grabbing at your backpack strap to tug you out of the way as you were about to walk into ongoing traffic imprints your brain like a nostalgic TV memory. He was a sixteen-year-old guardian angel who aged through the years as you grew, interfering in your life as if you were the most life-threatening person ever. 

Freshman year of college, he’s taking the red solo cup of whatever mixed potion the older frat guys made out of your hand. This led to practically the whole campus thinking you were chronically insane as you argued with no one because they couldn’t see what you saw. He interfered with your life at moments when you had it all under control, and he didn’t need to baby you as if you didn’t. But you were grateful for him, and the things he did stop when things got bad.

It's like killing a guy who roofied you at a bar. Despite the toxic drugs from drinking your drink, it had you feeling like you were in another world. You remember the crimson-red liquid staining his large, elegant white wings after the deed was done. After that, he’s never left your side, and you grew to feel suffocated. You couldn’t do much in your life if you had your guardian angel down your neck twenty-four-seven commenting on you getting hurt or dying. 

Now an adult, he still was here. Despite you being perfectly fine. No freak accidents, no near-death experiences. He still was here lurking around as if you were a child. 

Right now, watching as you poorly attempted to get laid. Your panties dangle from your ankle as you wait for the guy to insert, but as your horny meter slowly decreases—so does the poor stranger you met at a bar cock. Your eyes averted between your bodies as he aggressively pumped his condom-covered cock; you could hear his laughs as he was sitting on your kitchen counter chewing on an apple. 

Fuckin’ Sephiroth.

“You know what? That’s okay. Just leave.” You pushed the guy off you, limp dick and all while you’re scrambling to tug your panties back on. 

“What? It just takes some time,” The guy’s tugging his pants up in frustration. “Just please…baby.” He’s grasping on you, and you’re swatting his hand away like it’s an annoying fruit fly. 

“Just go. I’m no longer in the mood.” You warned.

This was a warning not only for yourself but for him. You had a 6’1 angel looming around your apartment who didn’t care to kill someone—especially a person who wasn’t following directions. Your eyes darted from him in the kitchen to the guy who kissed his teeth while collecting his belongings.

“Don’t call me anymore! You completely wasted my time.” He sneered at you while leaving your apartment. The door closed with a harsh slam that made you jump. 

As silence drifts over your apartment, and the only thing you can hear is the sound of that annoying clock in your kitchen ticking, you lean back on the couch with a sigh. “You know, you completely ruined the vibe, you know?” Your eyes land on the white-haired male as he finishes the apple he obnoxiously chews on.

“Do not blame it on me.” He tosses the apple in a trash can and stands up to close the space between you.

“I am blaming you because it seems like every romantic connection I attempt to make, you are there to ruin it.” You sneered at him before sitting up. “I don’t think this will work anymore, Sephiroth.” 

“Are you saying you want to release me of my duties of being your guardian angel?” He asks. You can feel he got closer despite shifting your eyes closed to calm yourself down from this talk. 

You two have been together for years. He’s been protecting you for years, and now it felt so suffocating that you couldn’t breathe. Sometimes, you wanted to release him of his duties, but you knew when you did that every memory you’ve shared with him would vanish. It would be like you two have never met. 

The sight of him with his elegant white wings on his back. The sight of blood staining his pale skin after murdering someone that hurt you. The look of worry when you almost walk into traffic, and he was a split second from being too late. 

He was yours just as much as you were his. But you needed space. 

“Yes.” You breathed out, pushing yourself off the couch to enter your room. “You know, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but I don’t think we can co-exist in each other’s lives anymore.” You explained you turned around, and he was leaning against your doorframe with the most obnoxious face. 

It was as if your words were going out one ear and the other for him. “We’re not young anymore. I don’t need you being so….so.” You were searching for the word to describe how you felt—frustration riddling your bones as you attempted to express yourself. 

Sephiroth took steps forward, closing the gap between you two. When he was towering over you with such little care at how close he was to you—he fixed your tank top strap and let his slender fingers linger on your shoulder just a little longer to cause goosebumps to garnish your skin immediately. 

“Possessive.” He finishes your sentence as his teeth graze upon his lower lip. “Is that the word you’re searching for, my little ward?” 

And with challenging eyes, you met his and said, “Yes. Possessive, like you own me or something.” 

His chuckles. But this chuckle was different from the one you have heard. It felt more sinister, more agitated. 

“You’re stuck with me, love. If you like it or not. We’re bound together until you die of old age or better yet, I briefly take my eyes off you as fate finally chooses a moment for you to die. Maybe a bus will hit you as you walk into traffic for texting on that silly device of yours, or maybe you’ll accidentally hit your head.” 

Your eyebrows furrow together in frustration and anger at his words. 

“You enjoy my company but don’t want to admit it. You think I didn’t notice the way you bring home little flings to spite me. You think I can’t hear the way your heartbeat quickens at the sight of me watching you get fucked by some man who can’t even make you orgasm. Sephiroth’s eyes glance over your body like he was observing you under a microscope. “So tell me, Y/N.” His finger’s toying with that strap on your tank top that keeps falling off your shoulder. 

“How many times have you imagined me, your sworn protector—your guardian angel fucking you?” His fingers drag alongside your nipples that harden through the thin white fabric of your tank top. “And don’t lie; I know when you’re lying to me.” 

You couldn’t quite remember what you had said after his words for your knees to be pressed upon your stomach and for Sephiroth’s cock to be buried into your throbbing cunt while your moans bounced off the walls. The pornographic sound of heated skin slapping against each other with the sound of your headboard banging against the wall was like music to your ears. But you enjoyed the sight of Sephiroth more. 

His crystal white hair fell in his face so perfectly. Comically enough, you wanted to say he looked like an angel. His eyes kept averting between your fucked out face and in between your body. With each glance down there, it seemed he fucked you into the mattress even harder. Instantly, your legs snake around his waist, completely trapping him from depriving you of what you were so eager for.

Sephiroth chuckles darkly through your pants of desperation, “Seems you’re enjoying this a little too much.” He mumbles. He pulls his cock entirely out of you, leaving you whining for more. 

He guides his cock in between your pussy lips rubbing in the mixture of your essence and pre-cum. Your back arched off the mattress with urgency, and he pushed you back down so you could endure the pleasurable torture of his cock teasing you until you were staining the cotton sheets below your naked body. With each stroke between your puffy lips, you’re squeezing your eyes shut tightly to prevent even the littlest thought of him seeing you like this. You didn’t think you could fathom the mere embarrassment. 

“Come on, you don’t want to see how well you take me?” He questions, his voice rings with a teasing tone that makes your pussy pulse. 

“Fine then.” He mumbles what seems to himself before he hooks his strong arms under your knees, completely trapping you under him and what’s to come.

You wondered if Sephiroth could hear how fast your heart was beating. It felt like it was bouncing around your chest like a small ball in a pinball machine. The feeling of his thick tip brushing against your entrance felt like the world had stopped. Perhaps it did. The idea of a guardian angel fucking his ward into her mattress had to be some form of rule breaker, right? Maybe, just maybe—God had briefly paused the world to give you time to weigh out the pros and cons of this.

But when Sephiroth bottomed down inside you, you felt the world unpause, and a wave of pleasure travel across your body. You even could hear yourself let out a sigh of relief—as if you’ve been waiting for this moment in centuries. The way his cock was inside, you felt like it was a missing piece in a puzzle you need. It fit perfectly, but when he started rotating and thrusting his hips—you couldn’t help but call out his name like it was a scripture.

It wasn’t as if you could do anything else but take his sensual thrusts. The mating press position trapped you from doing anything else but that. The way he was making you feel at the moment had you ignoring all that. Your moans echoed into his ear, and Sephiroth was very responsive because he’d grunt back like a rabid animal in heat. Ensuring that the feeling was mutual. That he was feeling just as good as you were. 

“After this, you’ll be stuck with me forever, right?” Sephiroth asked. His tongue drags alongside the bridge of your right ear, and instantly, your legs snake around his waist, locking your feet together so he won’t let go.

“Mhm, that’s what I thought.” His words send a chill down your spine as he continues to fuck into the mattress.

The pornographic sound of heated flesh echos upon your bedroom, and your eyes seem to squeeze shut in bliss. Savoring the moment between the two of you until you couldn’t anymore. Your pussy pulsed around his cock, and your thighs quivered under your guardian angel’s touch. His grip on you grew tighter, and you knew that he was unraveling right on top of you. His groans that echoed in your ear changed into whines of desperation. If you were being honest with yourself, you haven’t seen him this desperate in your life.

But it was a reason for that because, in just three seconds, he was a coming mess. He didn’t even bother to pull out, either. His nails dug into your heated flesh with each thrust inside of you, ensuring that each droplet of his cum stayed inside of you. With your legs wrapped around his waist, you leaned up to indulge in a heated kiss to seal the deal that you knew was going to follow you for years.

You truly were stuck with him forever until you took your last breath. 

TAGS // @salaciousdoll @syndrlla97 @lilvampirina @msun1c0rn

#sephiroth x reader #sephiroth smut #final fantasy smut #final fantasy x reader #female reader #x female reader smut #video games x reader #video games smut #angelshubnetwork #chosoistkinktober23 #⊹˳⁺ ♡ 𝒻𝒶𝓃𝒻𝒾𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝒸𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈

[sleepysnk]

a/n: i was bored and i’d like to thank @kxmisato for giving me this idea. it really helped me out of my writers block 😁, so thank you ren. i also love hanma, so yeah pls enjoy this horny idea.

pairings: hanma shuji x fem!reader

warnings: modern au, college au, nsfw, smut, mentions of high school but reader and hanma are both in college, brief choking, breeding kink, mentions of alcohol, dirty talk, praising, use of pet names (princess, baby, doll, babydoll), unprotected sex, hanma is reader’s brothers best friend, mentions of cigarettes.

dirty secrets ft. hanma shuji

Your older brother’s best friend.

It all started when you were about fourteen years old.

Your older brother was about two years older than you. He was a junior in high school while you were a freshman. Many people often knew who you were because of your brother and how popular he was on campus. He gained the attention of many girls and some of them even tried to befriend you so they could get closer to your older sibling. It bothered you, a lot. It was also awkward when people would straight up tell you how attractive he was or how they wanted him to hook up with them. At times, you never knew how to respond and simply walked away from them. You were very much disturbed by their words and wanted to disappear after those conversations.

However, things changed when you were introduced to your brother’s best friend.

Hanma Shuji.

When you first met him, you were astounded at how attractive he was. He was taller than you by several inches, tattoo’s covered his hands, and he had a variety of black and blonde colored hair. He was a classic bad boy. He ran around campus ditching his classes or spending his Friday nights drinking and getting high with his friends until the sun came up. He easily attracted you the second he walked through the door of your home.

Your small crush turned into a big one as the years passed. Hanma and your brother became so close that they attended the same college with one another. With that fact being at play, Hanma was always hanging around at your place. You often tried to avoid him, but sometimes he’d run into you and try to spark up conversations.

You could hardly look into those honey eyes of his. Talking to him sent you over the edge from how delicious his voice sounded in your ears. He was such a sweet talker. You weren’t that surprised when you heard that some of the girls in your class had slept with him. Secretly, you envied them. This was Hanma Shuji of all people. He was practically every girl’s heartthrob and they got the chance to see him with his clothes off? They were luckier than any other person on the planet.

Years passed, and you were now nineteen.

You attended the same university as your brother. Your mother and father both agreed it’d be a good idea, because if something were to happen to you, there was someone on campus that could help you. As much as your older brother despised it, he dealt with it since he wouldn’t hear the end of it from your parents if he disagreed.

This also meant you saw Hanma often.

Hanma had completely changed in college. He grew slightly taller, and his hair had begun to slightly curl at the ends. He had grown it out so it was no longer sticking up at the top of his head. He also had started smoking cigarettes. You discovered that fact after attending some sorority party, and seeing him with the cancer stick between his lips. He looked just as intimidating as he did when you first met him, but he also had a mysterious aura surrounding him now.

Despite being near each other, you both never talked. Hanma knew who you were and you knew who he was, but you never spoke a single word to one another. You didn’t know if it was because maybe he wasn’t interested or if possibly he didn’t care enough to speak to you. You didn’t really mind much, but it was so weird seeing him when you used to say hello to him all the time at your home.

However, you were much older now. You weren’t some fourteen year old freshman who became shy any time a boy looked in your direction. You knew those feelings would fizzle out eventually for Hanma. He’d hardly give you the time of day, so it didn’t really matter to you in the end.

You were sure of this, so damn sure.

Well, you weren’t so sure now, considering the situation you had found yourself in.

Right now, you were underneath that same man you had a crush on all those years ago. His thick cock kissing at your g-spot, making you squeal in pleasure from how fucking amazing it felt. It was so much better than you imagined. You didn’t think you’d ever gain the chance to feel such ecstasy. All of the girls in your class were right. Hanma Shuji was really a dream in bed.

Hanma intertwined his fingers with yours as he fucked you, keeping up with the hard pace he had originally started with. “F-Fuck.. yeah, just like that, baby. Keep calling my name..” he cooed, peering down at you with pure lust in his golden eyes.

Your body felt like it was on fire. You were well aware that your brother was downstairs, drinking with all of his friends. Part of you was so fucking scared that he’d come up there and find the two of you in the bedroom, but it was too good to for you to even think about stopping. Hanma was doing everything right. He made you feel like you were on the moon from how great his thrusts were. “H-Hanma! Oh, god.. it feels s-so good!” you blubbered, digging your fingernails into his shoulder blade.

He looked like a god up above you. His pretty features were lined with sweat. A sly smirk rested on his face while he watched your fucked out face crinkle with pleasure. If only you could see yourself from his point of view. He wished he had been recording, because you were such a fucking sight like that. “Yeah..? You feel good, princess?” the hand with sin on the back reached to wrap around your throat. “You’re so fuckin’ dirty.. letting your brother’s best friend fuck your little cunt while he’s downstairs..”

Your walls fluttered around his cock from his dirty talk. He was driving you to almost your limit from his actions.

You weren’t sure how the two of you even ended up like this. He was just escorting you to the bathroom and that was it. He even waited out there so nobody would try and creep on you, but you eventually ended up in the bedroom. You partially blamed it on the fact that you had a few sips of a drink before going up there, but you didn’t think he’d be bold enough to make a move on you.

All you knew was that you were in heaven, and you didn’t want this to end. Fuck, you had been craving this moment since you first met. You remembered the times where you’d go back to your dorm and fuck yourself with your fingers, imagining it was his dick filling you up. However, your fingers didn’t compare to the thickness of his cock.

Hanma groaned as he felt you tightening around him slowly. You were bound to be close now, and he was determined to give you the best High you’ve ever had. “Gonna cum, doll? I wanna feel that pretty pussy let go.. all for me.” he purred, using his free hand to play with your swollen clit. “Been wantin’ this pussy for years now..”

That fact only made you inch closer to your orgasm. He was intoxicating you so much to the point where your brain became foggy from the euphoria. “Hanma..! Oh, shit! I’m c-close!” you felt the knot inside of your belly tightening with each thrust. It was becoming unbearable. You could feel tears brimming at your lash line from how great it felt.

Hanma smirked, letting you wrap your legs around his waist. He gave your throat a small squeeze then leaned down towards your ear to speak to you. You were so pretty whining underneath him like that. “I’ll make you feel really good, babydoll, I promise.” he said. “Scream my fucking name when you cum.. okay? Let the whole house know who’s making you feel good..”

Your head nodded vigorously at his request. Suddenly, his pace picked up, causing your eyes to roll back from the pleasure. You could hardly contain the moans that fell from your lips. He was driving you insane. Why didn’t you make a move sooner? If you knew he’d treat you this way, you would have taken your chances when you first arrived at college.

As your orgasm drew close, your voice grew louder and louder. It was almost like you were calling his name like it was a prayer. “Yes! Yes! Oh, fuck, Hanma! Hanma!” you cried, feeling the coil inside of your belly snap.

Hanma grunted when your walls squeezed his cock. A white ring of cream covered the base, making him smirk. Calling out his name only gave him the confidence to fuck you so good you won’t want anybody else than him. He desired you for so fucking long. He wasn’t about to let some other guy try and take over. He wanted you, and he was going to make sure he’d make you his. He didn’t give a single fuck what your damn brother said.

He leaned towards your face, kissing you as he continued thrusting into you. He swallowed all of your moans as they slipped from your mouth. He truly adored you. “So good for me..” he said between kisses. “Gonna fill you up, yeah? Make this pussy mine.”

You made direct eye contact with him, shaking your head. “P-Please.. make me yours, Hanma.” you begged, brushing your fingers against his cheeks.

The sound of your pretty voice begging him to be filled only encouraged him to keep at it. He could feel his own orgasm creeping upon him. The pit in his stomach only grew larger. He could also feel his cock twitching inside of you, giving him the notice that he was close. He was gonna give you all he had. That’s what you deserved.

Grunting, Hanma’s hand went on one side of the pillow. He trailed the hand tattooed with ‘Punishment’ down your chest and towards your abdomen. Goosebumps appeared on your delicate skin from how his touch felt. You could feel the overstimulation taking over, turning your moans into whimpers and whines. It was like music to his ears. “Fuck.. I’m gonna cum..” he said, looking deep into your pretty eyes.

“Cum inside me.. Hanma!” you moaned, letting your mouth fall open.

After a few erratic thrusts, Hanma groaned deeply as he reached his high. Thick, white cum painted your insides, filling your womb. You couldn’t help but whimper from how warm it felt inside of your cunt. He practically emptied his balls inside of you.

Panting, he lied down beside you. He made sure to keep his cock nice and snug inside of you so none of his cum slipped out and made a mess. He didn’t want to deal with the aftermath of that kind of clean up. He then reached over, pulling your body against his. The two of you were both sweating and the room was hot. You didn’t think you’d ever have this chance, but you didn’t have a single regret about the whole thing.

“Do you.. think he heard us?” you asked, breaking the silence between the two of you.

Hanma glanced down at you, brushing his hands against your waist. He smirked. “Probably.. but I could care less.” he replied. “We had a good time.. I think that’s all that mattered to me.”

You smiled, leaning your head against his chest. Maybe fucking your older brothers best friend had its perks. Maybe.. this could be your dirty secret.

tagging: @chaileaf <3 love u

#summer speaks #smutty talks #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x you #tokyo revengers fanfiction #tokyo revengers smut #hanma shuji #hanma #hanma shuji x reader #hanma shuji x you #hanma shuji x y/n #hanma x you #hanma x reader #hanma x y/n #hanma shuji smut #hanma smut #anime fanfiction #anime fanfic

[xomakara]

Inked By You

SUMMARY |  You're best friends with Johnny and have had feelings for him for awhile. You think he's only attracted to you because of your tattoos but it's so much more. PAIRINGS | Johnny/Fem!Reader GENRE |  non-idol au, college au, friends to lovers, smut, unprotected sex, oral sex, dirty talk, fluff towards the end RATING |  Mature LENGTH |  10,114 words AUTHOR’S NOTE | This turned out longer than I expected LOL. So in this one, all the members I mentioned are the same age lolol. I hope it makes sense. Does it make sense?? I feel like my writing style has been wonky lately.

“Those are real, aren’t they?” Johnny asked you as he leaned against your bedroom wall. Taeyong and Yuta were lounging on your bed before joining the party that was going on in your living room. Johnny was looking at the various tattoos that were on your left arm.

You and Johnny have been best friends since your freshman year of college. Although you both have very different personalities and interests, there was one thing that kept you close together: partying. It's your last year of college and despite all the stress from studying and taking exams, you still got together every now and again to do what you all did best.

Drink, dance, and make memories.

Johnny is wearing a silk button-down shirt and black slacks. And then there was you in a tight mini skirt and a one-shouldered top that accentuated your figure and showed off your tattoo sleeve.

You looked good.

Even though it wasn’t what most people would consider a typical Friday night out, you, Johnny and other mutual friends seemed happy enough as you stood in front of the mirror checking out each other.

That was until you caught Johnny staring at your body with an expression that suggested he wanted more than just a quick look. The silence between you both grew awkward and uncomfortable until you finally broke it by saying, “What? Are my tits distracting you or something?”

He snapped out of his trance with a surprised look on his face, causing you to smile. He quickly apologized for staring, but said that he was genuinely interested in your ink. You nodded in response, knowing exactly what he meant by that. There was no denying the amount of attention you always got when wearing a low-cut top or a revealing dress. Your tattoo sleeve was another story though. People either loved them or hated them.

Despite the interest from many men, you never really considered getting any more tattoos after you finished your sleeves because, frankly, your current ones turned heads even if you wore a burlap sack. It wasn't uncommon for you to get double takes from people you knew as well as complete strangers when walking around town. On top of that, you didn't want to mess up the awesome artwork that had already been drawn onto your skin. Your current sleeves represented some of your favorite memories, which you didn't ever want to lose. So while others spent thousands of dollars on inked bodies, you got yourself beautiful pieces of art that couldn't be taken away.

Still, you couldn't help but notice how excited Johnny appeared whenever he saw you in your sexy outfits. As far as you could tell, he never missed an opportunity to stare at your tattoos, or check you out whenever you walked by him. Sometimes you would catch him ogling you in such a way that you felt like he wanted to rip off your clothes right there in public. Of course, there was no way he'd actually do anything like that. He wasn't that kind of guy.

Besides, you knew for a fact that he had a girlfriend who also attended the same college as you. They had been dating for about a few months, so she was obviously important to him. Still, whenever he caught you wearing something tight or sexy, he couldn't help but show off those sinful eyes of his.

With everyone gathered in yours and Taeil's living room, you tried to ignore the eye candy standing across from you as you and your friends continued to talk about meaningless things, like where you should go for dinner later tonight. You weren't even sure why you brought it up. Maybe you were bored, maybe you were drunk, or maybe you just needed something to keep your mind occupied. But whatever the reason, somehow the conversation ended up on the topic of sexual partners. When it comes to sexual encounters, your friends tend to live by the motto: if you haven't had sex with anyone, then you're not having fun.

You hadn't given much thought to that phrase until Jaehyun wiggled his eyebrows at you. "We all know that Y/N has fun doesn't she?"

You rolled your eyes, a smirk on your lips. "I've been told I have a knack for keeping people entertained."

"She can entertain me anytime!" Ten shouted. "Have you seen her ass in that red dress she wears?"

You couldn't help but laugh. That comment got everybody else laughing too.

"Anyways," You muttered before clearing your throat and turning towards Taeyong, "How many women have you slept with?"

Taeyong glanced over at Yuta and grinned, "Four, but it's probably more. Do you need me to give you a count?"

Taeil let out a small laugh before replying, "Four isn't bad. Don't think I'll ever get that high, although the number would probably increase if Yuta would stop trying to fuck everything that moves. Especially anything that moves."

You burst out laughing, followed by Yuta who laughed even harder. Eventually Taeil joined in, as did Jaehyun, and everyone else that was listening.

“But back to the question at hand,” Taeyong spoke up once he was able to calm down. He looked over at you, “how many men have you slept with?”

Johnny grabbed a bottle of beer from the kitchen counter and took a swig of it. He looked at you curiously.

"Well...if we include Jaehyun, Doyoung, Mark, Hendery and Renjun..." You counted, the men you called out looking at you for a brief moment before going back to whatever they were doing. "Five. But hey, who's counting? Sex is sex."

That answer seemed to satisfy Johnny, although he continued to watch you carefully. You noticed that he was taking an interest in your tattoos again. You shrugged it off as you and your friends continued talking, however your heart began to beat faster when you realized that he was no longer looking at your tattoos. His eyes were locked on yours.

"Hey guys,” Jungwoo called out to the rest of your group, waving a hand in front of their faces. “Who wants to get more beer and food with me?"

Thank you Jungwoo, for your timely interruption. You weren't sure how long you could last with Johnny staring at you. In fact, your knees started to feel a little weak when he cleared his throat to gain your attention. It was almost like he was daring you to say something. Something inappropriate, to be exact. But you had to be strong. After all, he was with his girlfriend.

"Uh, yeah," You replied, forcing a smile onto your face. “Let's go get some food and drinks."

You turned around, ready to follow Jungwoo into the kitchen. You paused for a second to take one last look at Johnny, and saw him watching you intently. You smiled sheepishly before stepping inside the kitchen to join your friends.

You turned around to see Johnny coming towards you. He didn't speak for a minute, so you waited patiently. "So, have you had fun yet?"

Your brows furrowed. You expected him to ask you if you were enjoying yourself. Instead he was asking you a completely different question. You wondered what this was all about, so you replied, "Of course I'm having fun! Why wouldn't I be?"

Before he could respond, Xiaojun called out. "Yo, Johnny! Jieun is here."

Fuck. Johnny's girlfriend.

You sighed inwardly as you watched him walk away with Xiaojun to greet her. If only he wasn't dating someone you actually knew. Then maybe he'd pay you the proper amount of attention. 

Oh well. No use thinking about it. 

You shook your head and focused on your friends. You hadn't seen them in awhile, so you welcomed the chance to hang out with them again. Plus, the alcohol helped to loosen your tongue, which allowed you to ask some of the questions you had been wondering about for quite some time.

"So, guys," you said, pouring some vodka into a glass. "Is it true that Renjun hooked up with someone last week?"

Renjun choked on his beer. You covered your mouth to hide your laughter. Kun let out a loud groan. Haechan let out a loud chuckle. Even Taeyong chuckled quietly.

You couldn't believe that they were being so open with you. It was like you were part of the group, and you liked it. You weren't sure if they realized that, but you were grateful nonetheless.

As soon as you saw Renjun regaining his composure, you spoke up again. "So, how many girls have you banged so far?"

Mark snorted. "Including you? Like eight or nine."

Kun guffawed. "More like twenty."

A shocked expression formed on your face. It was funny to hear their numbers compared to yours, but even funnier was hearing their reactions. Their reactions made you realize just how ridiculous their answers were. For example, Kun's claim that he had fucked more than twenty women in his lifetime was preposterous. However, you didn't dare bring it up.

Renjun shrugged. "I dunno. A lot."

Mark nodded. "At least ten."

Jungwoo scoffed. "No fucking way. Five tops."

"Bet none of those girls were as good as Y/N." Jaehyun reminded them, giving you a look. You rolled your eyes as he continued to talk. "And to everyone at this party that had sex with her, admit that she was good."

"I admit, I'm a good fuck." You shrugged, a small smirk on your lips. You nudged Jaehyun's shoulder. "Now shut up."

You all stared at each other for a minute before bursting out laughing. The alcohol was definitely starting to hit you hard, making you forget all about Johnny and his girlfriend. All that mattered was that you were surrounded by friends, having a good time, and drinking.

It wasn't long before Ten, Taeil, Mark, Kun, Haechan, Taeyong and you were sitting on the floor, passing around beers and shots as you waited for Jungwoo and Yuta to return with the food. And even though you were tipsy, you managed to hold your liquor fairly well. Until you drank the tequila shot you took right before going to get more drinks.

“So, Y/N.” Haechan drawled out, looking at you intently. You glanced at the tequila in your hands, your vision getting hazy. How much have you actually drunk so far?

“What?” you asked, shrugging. “What are you talking about?”

Haechan frowned. "You okay? You look wasted."

"Yeah, you look wasted Y/N." Taeyong said, as he put his drink down.

Your vision was getting worse. You felt dizzy. Your body was hot, then cold, then hot again. Fuck, you were going to pass out if you kept this up. You reached for the bottle of water next to you, holding it tightly against your chest. You closed your eyes for a second, concentrating on slowing your breathing. You managed to slow it down a bit, but you still felt lightheaded. Before you knew it, your vision blurred again. When you opened your eyes, you found everyone staring at you. Except for Taeyong. He was standing in front of you, looking very concerned.

"Taeyong." You whispered, unable to form any words. He held out his arms, inviting you to step into them.

"Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get you to bed." He said gently.

"Y/N." Johnny stepped forward, his face showing concern. His girlfriend laid a hand on his arm, suggesting that he stay put. "Are you okay?"

You nodded and stumbled, reaching for the couch, only to find it further away than you remembered. Without thinking, you leaned against Haechan instead. As you dozed off, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer.

"Johnny, what's wrong?" The pretty girl next to him muttered. "Is everything alright?"

Johnny watched from the corner of his eyes as his friends helped Y/N up from her drunken stupor. Was she okay? "It's nothing, Jieun."

"I hope she's alright." Jieun muttered, arms still clinging to him. "She seems so drunk."

"Don't worry about her, babe." Johnny assured her. "Just relax and enjoy yourself."

"Why are you always protecting her?" Jieun released a soft sigh.

"Because she's special to me." Johnny answered simply. 

He gave her a small smile before turning his attention back to his friends. He really missed the opportunity to spend time with his friends and Y/N.

He sighed. Of course he missed her. Even though he hadn't been able to spend much time with her lately, whenever they were together, they always had fun. She was kind and caring. Whenever they hung out, he felt a sense of comfort wash over him. It wasn't until tonight that he realized how lucky he was to have her in his life.

In the beginning, it was all easy. They met at a party thrown by their classmates. Since Johnny had recently moved to Seoul, most of his friends struggled to communicate with him. So when his friend Jaehyun told him about the event being held by another foreign exchange student, he figured that it would be a good chance to meet new people. Little did he know that meeting Y/N would change his life forever.

They hit it off instantly, flirting shamelessly. They had no problem joking around and teasing each other. At first, it had been innocent, simple conversations, whether it was about the weather or their favorite movies. They stayed as friends since Y/N was currently in a relationship, but every once in a while, they still got together to hang out. On those occasions, they spent their time watching movies, going to karaoke bars, eating out, and shopping. They had mutual friends who always seemed to drag them along to the hottest clubs and parties.

Those times together were always memorable. He remembered the time when he helped Taeil and Y/N find an apartment together since they were going to be roommates. There were nights where Y/N had gotten sick from drinking too much, falling asleep on Johnny's chest. Or times when he found himself helplessly straddling Y/N as they snuck into his apartment. He never questioned the level of their intimacy; after all, Y/N was a beautiful, smart, and sweet girl. In return, Johnny was respectful of her relationships with other men.

But the thought of Y/N with anyone else made him physically ill.

For several months, things continued this way. Eventually, they both became more serious with their respective partners. When that happened, they had trouble finding time to see each other. The good news was that they'd grown closer, becoming each other's best friends. During those moments when they saw each other, they'd always make sure to give the other person plenty of affection. It was obvious that neither one of them wanted to lose their friendship. Still, it was difficult not to get hurt every now and again.

Johnny would often ask himself why he didn't act sooner.

What stopped him from telling Y/N how he truly felt? He knew that he was attracted to her, especially after seeing how they interacted together. She made him laugh, genuinely enjoying his humor. It was impossible not to notice how sexy she looked when she was laughing at his jokes. Plus, she smelled amazing. When he breathed in her scent, it reminded him of chocolate. Or strawberry ice cream. Something sweet and fruity that melted his heart every time he inhaled it. But still, he kept his feelings bottled up inside.

Today was no exception.

Seeing Y/N dress in that mini skirt and that top that accentuated her figure, he had to try hard to stop himself from kissing her senseless. Heck, he knew she had tattoos but at the time, there were only a few. Now she had a whole sleeve of them. All over her left arm. Most of them seemed quite intricate and detailed, depicting nature scenes, symbols, even people. She had an incredible eye for detail and, based on her art, Johnny guessed that she had a lot of patience. It was one of the many reasons why he loved hanging out with her. They could talk for hours, even if they had absolutely nothing in common. There was always an instant connection between them, almost as if they were two halves of a whole.

Johnny glanced over at Jieun, his current girlfriend.

No.

Just the girl that he’s currently just sleeping with.

Jieun was pretty, don't get him wrong. She had short hair and bright brown eyes, delicate features and a slender frame. But when compared to Y/N, she didn't stand a chance. Compared to her, Y/N seemed like a goddess. Y/N was tall, slender, toned in all the right places. She was tan, and had long, black hair that she often ran her fingers through. Not only did she possess all of the qualities that Johnny desired, but she also had a personality that stole his heart. For years, he had been silently pining for her. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't deny the fact that she was perfect for him.

But no matter how much he liked Jieun, he could never forget Y/N. The truth was that Y/N was just so different from everyone else. She never hesitated to show her true self, whatever that meant. Whether she was crying over a sad movie or dancing ecstatically at a club, he knew that she wouldn't lie to him or hold anything back. Her honesty made her extremely endearing. She was funny and carefree, and unlike some girls, she had a positive outlook on life. If it wasn't for Y/N, Johnny doubted that he would've made it through all the crap he went through during college.

No doubt, Johnny had fallen for her. But he refused to act on those feelings. To do so would be unfair to Jieun, despite them not really dating. More importantly, Y/N deserved someone better than him. Someone who actually appreciated her beauty and unique traits. She deserved someone who loved her unconditionally and showed it in every aspect of their relationship.

Johnny watched as Jieun struck up a conversation with the other party-goers. His attention went back to Y/N and how drunk she looked earlier. He wished that he could've done something to prevent her from embarrassing herself. Y/N was the last person he wanted to hurt.

The next thing you remember was waking up on the couch, your head resting on someone’s lap. Haechan was still sleeping soundly, and so were all of your friends except for Yuta. He was leaning against the wall, eyes closed. Everyone looked so peaceful.

"Ugh, my head." You moaned as you sat up. "This hangover is going to kill me."

"Can I get you anything?" Taeil asked, coming out of his bedroom. He looked around the living room, noticing that the people who didn't make it home last night, were all passed out on the floor or on the couch.

You rubbed your forehead, getting up and padding towards the kitchen. “Coffee, please.”

He handed you the mug and a pack of Advil. "Are you feeling better?"

"Just peachy." You replied sarcastically. "Not at all.”

Taeil laughed. "Don't worry, you'll feel better tomorrow."

As soon as he walked back into the living room to wake everyone up, you finished your mug of coffee and padded into your bedroom to freshen up. You went through your closet, trying to figure out what to wear. You needed to dress casual, since you planned on spending most of the day lounging around the house, drinking coffee and playing games. Unfortunately, you couldn't decide between wearing sweatpants or shorts. Finally, after much deliberation, you chose to pair leggings with a gray tank top. Once you were done, you wandered back into the living room to wait for everyone else to wake up.

You didn't need to wait too long. Before you knew it, Taeyong and Renjun joined you at the kitchen table with cups of coffee. Mark rubbed at his eyes, sitting up from the couch, Haechan stirred next to him.

“Where did you two sleep?” You asked Taeyong and Renjun, curious.

Taeyong gave you a pointed look. “Like on the floor. At least Yuta was against the wall.”

You grinned. "I'm surprised no one took over my bed."

"I'm surprised no one put you to bed," Yuta muttered as he joined the group.

"Haechan was hogging her on the couch." Mark sleepily muttered.

"I was going to help her to her room but then I got sleepy and she was sleepy," Haechan yawned. "So we both passed out on the couch."

"Who didn't go home last night?" You asked Taeil.

"Mark, Haechan, Renjun, Taeyong, and Yuta." Taeil replied. "Oh. Ten and Kun passed out on my bedroom floor."

“Haha. Let's go get breakfast once they wake up. What should we do today?” You asked the group of hungover men.

“Eat breakfast. Drink more coffee. Play video games. Whatever you want.” Kun shrugged, coming from Taeil's bedroom. He stretched and yawned loudly. “Today is a free day. We can do whatever you want."

“Okay, sounds good. Can I shower first?” You asked, rubbing your eyes.

“Of course. Don't take too long. We're waiting.” Taeyong smirked.

“Whatever.” You replied. You slowly trudged upstairs to your bedroom. Once you were inside, you stripped off your clothes, letting them fall to the floor. You slid under the warm spray of water and scrubbed your hair vigorously. Soon, you stepped out of the shower, toweling off your hair and wrapping the towel around your body. Then you pulled on a pair of black yoga pants and an old, faded red t-shirt. Once you were ready, you padded downstairs to grab your purse and keys.

Once you returned to the living room, you found everyone waiting for you. They all sat around the living room, sipping on their morning coffees.

"Alright, let's go get breakfast." You declared happily.

"Good idea." Yuta agreed, getting up from the couch. "Let's not waste another minute here."

"We don't need another minute." Mark commented, looking around the room.

When you arrived at your favorite restaurant, everyone piled out of the car, stretching and yawning. The restaurant was fairly empty, save for the employees. So, when the owner came up to greet you all, you smiled.

"Morning! Glad to see my favorite group of hungover college kids." She beamed, her arms wide opened.

You stepped into her arms. "Morning mom. Can you feed us now?"

"Anything for my favorite daughter." Your mom kissed your cheek, ignoring your comment that you were her only child. Your mom looked at the rest of the group. “Now what can I get for you hungover kids?”

“Your egg sandwiches, auntie.” Taeil muttered.

“Coffee.” Mark yawned. “Lots and lots of coffee.”

“Can I get toast, bacon, and fries, auntie?” Renjun asked.

"Oh, god, come on." Taeyong groaned, sitting down at a nearby table. "Just give me some coffee and bacon, I'll be fine. Please auntie."

After you placed your order, you settled down at the table, joining your friends.

"Why are we meeting here every morning?" Yuta yawned, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Because it's close to campus, you get free food and you know my mom loves you all." You shook your head, helping the staff pour everyone coffee or orange juice into their mugs and cups. You made your thanks, the staff smiling.

"One of the perks of being Y/N's friends," Kun laughed. "Free food from her mom's restaurant. Lucky us."

"True that." Taeil nodded, finishing off his egg sandwich. "Man, I love her mom's sandwiches."

"She makes the best ones." You agreed, stealing a fry from Renjun's plate.

A few minutes later, the rest of the food was delivered.

"Can I have your bacon and eggs?" Taeil asked, pointing at your plate.

You raised an eyebrow. "Do you really think you deserve to eat someone else's bacon?"

"Doesn't hurt to ask." He grinned, grabbing your plate. "But you can always share."

Everyone chuckled as you shoved a fry into Taeil's mouth.

"So where did Johnny end up going last night?" You asked suddenly. “I really didn’t see him last night. I mean I saw him before I passed out.”

"He didn't stay long." Mark answered. "Around midnight, he left with Jieun."

"Ah." You frowned. "Makes sense. They never stay long whenever I'm around."

"They probably just wanted to spend time together." Kun explained. "Jieun and Johnny were really cute together. She followed him everywhere he went."

"Did you ever tell him that you liked him?" Yuta asked you suddenly.

"What?" You blinked. How did Yuta know about that?

"You did flirt with him a little." Renjun reminded you. "At least, that's what I saw."

"Whatever." You rolled your eyes. "It was barely any flirting."

"Come on Y/N," Mark shook his head. "Johnny was staring at you the whole night before Jieun came."

"It's the tatts, Mark." You replied. "He was asking me about them earlier."

"Seriously though." Yuta continued. "If you like him, why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I thought he'd never notice me." You sighed, knowing that there was no way to escape the converstation. "I'm not the type of girl that guys usually like."

"Really?" Mark raised an eyebrow. "There's nothing wrong with you."

"It's the tatts, huh?" Taeyong muttered, looking at your tattooed arm. "I mean, I love a girl that has tatts."

"Guys will always find something to complain about." You nodded your head. “But thanks for that Taeyong.”

"Well," Renjun interrupted, chuckling slightly. "There's nothing wrong with your tattoos."

"Yeah." Haechan agreed. "They're pretty cool."

"I agree." Ten smiled. "And sexy as hell."

You blushed, ignoring everyone's laughter. But it wasn't long before you were in a conversation about your tattoos again. About how pretty you thought they were and about how unique each tattoo was. It felt good, having such amazing friends that were willing to talk about your ink. You knew it would probably never happen with other groups of guys you hung out with. Not because they didn't care, but because they were afraid to offend you. Which is why you weren't surprised when the subject turned to sex.

It was always sex with these guys.

Why were you friends with these sex-crazed guys?

"So..." Taeyong started, shooting a pointed glance at you. "Are there any guys here you want to bang?"

"Hear me out. I know he has a girl and I know someone's going to beat me up for saying it or even thinking of it," You decided to just tell the truth. You looked around biting your lip, making sure your mom didn’t hear you. "Johnny. He seems like a good fuck."

"Damn," Haechan raised his eyebrows. "Y/N and Johnny would be hot, to be honest."

"No shit." Renjun nodded. "They'd be the hottest couple on campus."

You rolled your eyes and laughed with the others. You and Johnny? If only that was possible.

He still has a girlfriend after all.

The days passed quickly. After hanging out with the group for breakfast, you usually went off on your own, doing homework or just spending time alone in your room. But one day, after lunch, you decided to join your friends again. This time you met up with Taeyong, Doyoung, Winwin, Xiaojun, and Jaemin.

You sat at the table, eating as everyone told you stories about who they hooked up with last night. You rolled your eyes when Taeyong started telling you about his drunken hookup with a girl named Minah.

"Drunk sex?" You scoffed, giving him a look. "Really?"

"Don't act like you haven't done that." Taeyong narrowed his eyes. "With as many times as you had drunken sex with Doyoung."

"Please don't bring that up. Every time you guys mention it, I feel bad." You groaned as Doyoung sputtered on his food. You reached out and patted his back. “But admit it Doyoung, the sex was good.”

"We don't mention it!" Taeyong responded to you, rolling his eyes at Doyoung’s reaction. "It's not our fault you're always horny!"

"Shut up. Just shut up." You threw your napkin at him, the others laughing.

You were surprised when the next person you noticed looking at you wasn't Xiaojun or Doyoung or Jaemin or even Winwin. Instead, it was your very handsome friend, Johnny. You didn't even know he would be here. He was out with others that were in his classes.

His dark brown eyes met yours across the room. There was something about the way he stared at you that made you blush. Your cheeks were hot. Even your ears felt hot. Why was this guy looking at you so intensely? And so much?

“Is there a reason why you’re staring at Johnny so much?” Xiaojun asked, leaning back in his chair.

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat. “Um…”

"She wants to fuck him." Jaemin muttered. "Renjun told me the other day."

"But then again, what girl doesn't want to fuck, Johnny?" You asked, shrugging your shoulders. "Jieun is one lucky bitch."

You tried not to look at him anymore. Because whenever you looked at him, your stomach would flip. He was just too beautiful. Too sexy. Too perfect. It didn't help that he was already famous for dating the popular girl. Not that you weren't popular.

No wonder every single girl kept trying to hit on him. You included. You've been fighting the urge to kiss him since you met him at that event you hosted with Mark for the foreign exchange students. But he still had a girlfriend. A serious girlfriend.

Yet, here you were, constantly looking at Johnny like he was a piece of candy that you desperately wanted. Or maybe like you were salivating at the sight of him. Yes, that sounded more appropriate.

Like you wanted to eat him alive.

You wanted to suck on his lips. Suck on his tongue. Slap his hard cock against your naked pussy.

God, you wish you could touch him. Touch his face. His arms. His chest. Hell, just touch his skin. To see if it was as soft as it looked.

Or if it was rough.

Maybe Johnny likes rougher sex than the girls he normally slept with. What do you know about him, huh? Nothing. And yet, you keep imagining yourself with him. Imagining how it would feel to lay beneath him, letting him fuck you from behind. Thinking about how incredible it would feel to take his load all over your face. Or maybe deep inside you. The possibilities were endless. You just couldn't seem to stop thinking about him.

Your friends didn't know about the way you fantasized about him.

At least, they hadn't said anything. Yet.

"Ah, fuck." You let out a sigh, running a hand through your hair. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Doyoung gave you a concerned look. “You okay, Y/N?”

You nodded in reply.

You were seriously losing control. That was a first. For as long as you could remember, you had been able to hold yourself back from acting on your urges. The fact that you had no self-control around him should've made you realize you shouldn't be with him. It should make you run away. But instead, your heart yearned to feel his body pressed against yours.

Why? You wondered. Why did you keep wanting him?

You took another bite of your salad, listening to your friends talking amongst themselves. And once again, Johnny’s name was brought up.

“Yeah, I heard he spent most of the weekend with Jieun.” Xiaojun said casually.

You sighed softly, hoping that he wouldn’t ask any questions about it.

The next week was rather uneventful. Since it was your last year of college, you have stayed late almost every night studying or doing homework. Sometimes, if your apartment was occupied, you would go to Hendery’s, Jeno’s or Yangyang’s rooms and study there since they often partied, playing sports or going to the gym. So you were surprised when Wednesday afternoon found you walking back to your apartment alone.

As you approached your building, you noticed Johnny standing near the front doors. Of course he was there. No doubt he had been waiting for you.

His posture screamed 'alpha male'. All six feet one inch of him stood rigidly, like he was prepared to strike at any moment. And the muscles in his arms and chest were clearly defined under his tight black shirt. Damn. You wanted to get closer to him, to see if those bulging biceps were real.

You swallowed nervously. How does a girl like you even get a chance to meet the guy that every other girl wants? What makes you different from all the rest? You were one of his best friends that's for sure.

You watched as he began talking to someone. A girl. And she seemed to respond well to his attention. She smiled as he leaned down to speak to her. She giggled. She touched his arm lightly. She probably thinks she's special. Probably thinks that he's interested in her. As if.

But he looks happy. Smiling. Even talking to her. Ah, this must be Jieun, the girlfriend. She was actually really cute. Much prettier than you expected her to be. Short hair cut in a layered style. Brown eyes. And a small nose.

The way his gaze lingered on her for a few moments longer than necessary, she seemed to be flattered. She leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his waist and squeezing him tightly. Her head resting on his shoulder as she gazed at him with longing. It was then that you realized that he was completely oblivious to your presence.

What was wrong with you? Why are you watching them like that? Why can't you turn away? God damn it! Stop acting like some sort of pervert.

You cleared your throat. Maybe he won't notice you if you ignore him. It worked the last time. Didn't it?

But to your dismay, he did.

"Hi Y/N!" He said cheerfully, looking up and meeting your gaze. "I've been waiting for you."

Oh god.

"Hey Johnny," You forced yourself to say. Your voice came out low and shaky. You struggled to find your words. Suddenly, you felt like an awkward teenager again. Like your face was on fire.

Johnny nodded towards Jieun, causing her to frown slightly. Then he shot you a mischievous smile. "Let's go up."

It took everything you had to push past him and enter your building. Thankfully, Jieun left before you reached your apartment door. You were grateful. You didn't need her prying questions right now.

Inside your home, you stood in the living room, suddenly feeling extremely nervous. Taeil wasn’t home yet, so you felt a bit nervous that you were left alone with Johnny. This had never before. Why all of a sudden were you feeling nervous in front of your best friend?

"Do you want a drink?" You offered nervously. "A soda or water? Wine?"

"A glass of red wine sounds nice." He replied without hesitation.

Relief flooded you as you hurried to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Thankfully, you had stocked the fridge earlier that day.

When you returned to the living room, Johnny was sitting on the couch, sipping his wine and watching TV.

He's so gorgeous. Why does he have to be so goddamn beautiful?

"So..." You started awkwardly. "How have you been?"

"Same old, same old." He shrugged. "What about you?"

You frowned. "Nothing new. Apart from hanging with the guys.”

He glanced at you quickly. Something passed between the two of you. Something strange. Something exciting. You squirmed in your seat, trying to focus on anything else besides the way his eyes smoldered at you. You felt like your whole world was going crazy. Everything around you became fuzzy. The way his voice sounded. The way his muscles flexed underneath his clothes. The way he gazed at you. Oh god.

Fuck.

Stop it. You chided yourself. This isn’t happening. Don’t give in to him. This is bad. Really bad.

“I’m glad we finally got to hang out tonight.” He said after a few moments of silence.

“Me too.” You replied, trying to sound nonchalant. “I mean, I guess I haven’t seen you since you’ve been busy with Jieun.”

Johnny nodded thoughtfully. “True.”

"You never talked about her." You pointed out quietly.

He grimaced. "We don't really talk about her that often."

"Do you like her?"

"Who?"

You exhaled sharply. "Jieun. Do you like her?"

Johnny furrowed his brows. "Why do you ask?"

You hesitated, wishing you hadn't brought it up. "Well...you look pretty happy when you're with her."

He smiled briefly. "It's complicated."

"Are you two together?" You questioned. "Is that why you always sit with her during class?"

"Well, we're definitely close." He said simply.

And then, he was silent.

“Isn’t she your girlfriend?” You blurted out. “Shouldn’t you spend time with her instead of me?”

He cocked his head to the side. “No, we’re not together.”

“Really?” You felt relieved. Thank god.

Johnny laughed. “Of course. We aren’t dating. We’ve slept together a few times but we’re not dating.”

You breathed a sigh of relief. Good. At least he was being honest. You tried not to think about what kind of relationship they had. What kind of relationship they had had. But you couldn’t help but notice how they interacted with each other. The way they looked at each other. How they held hands.

“Was my best friend jealous?” Johnny peered at your face, a smile on his lips. “Because I could swear that you were staring at us.”

“I was not!” You denied. “There was nothing to stare at.”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t try and deny it.”

“No, I’m telling the truth. There was nothing to stare at.” You insisted.

“Sure there was.” He grinned, taking another sip of his wine.

“Trust me. There was nothing.” You responded forcefully. “There was no reason for me to watch you and Jieun together. You weren��t kissing or anything.”

“Really?” His expression grew serious. “What if I asked you to kiss me right now? Would you?”

“Fuck, Suh.” You burst out. “That’s impossible. You know that, right?”

“But would you want to?” He persisted. “Would you kiss me right now if I asked you?”

“I…” You stopped.

How the hell was you supposed to answer that question?

This conversation was turning into something you never expected it to be. Was it really just a friendly request or something more?

And what would your friends say if they saw you two making out in the middle of the living room? If they saw you grinding against him on the couch?

“God dammit.” You groaned, slumping back onto the couch. “Johnny, what the fuck are you doing to me?”

“Hmmm?” He peered at you curiously.

“Why does this have to happen?” You groaned, trying hard not to panic. “What are you trying to do to me?”

He gave you a playful smile. “I'm not doing anything to you.”

Your shoulders slumped in defeat. “Then why am I feeling this way?”

“Because you want me.” He replied simply. “Because you’re attracted to me. Because you can’t resist me. Because you feel something when I look at you.”

His confession sent shockwaves through your body. You sat motionless on the couch. Unable to comprehend what he just told you. Unable to believe him.

“Are you attracted to me too?” You whispered. “Is that why you keep looking at me?”

Johnny stared at you silently for several seconds. Then he grabbed your hand and squeezed it gently.

“Yes. Yes, I am.” He confirmed.

You gaped at him.

“Really?” You repeated hesitantly.

“I'm not lying to you.” He assured you. “I want you. I want you so badly that I can barely breathe sometimes. But if I tell you that, will you run away? Will you break our friendship because of this?”

“No.” You answered instantly. “No. I’d never do that. I wouldn’t even be able to think straight. Not to mention the fact that the guys would kill me.”

He chuckled. “Why’s that?”

“They know that I have a thing for you.” You admitted. “They see the way I look at you. They tease me about it all the time. I guess it’s easier for them to accept it if they knew that I’m attracted to someone who likes me back. Someone who I can be myself around. That’s why they won’t mind if we date. As long as I’m with someone who accepts me.”

He grinned. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“So…what should we do?” You asked tentatively.

He raised his eyebrows. “About what?”

“Um…this.” You gestured towards yourself. “This attraction between us. It seems like we both want it. So…is it possible that maybe we could…I don’t know…do something about it? Maybe meet up somewhere private? Or at least have sex. In my bed? On your couch?”

Johnny’s eyes lit up. “You want to have sex with me?”

“Fuck, Johnny.” You ran your hand through your hair, noticing his eyes on your tatted arm. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” He murmured huskily. “Like I'm going to take you upstairs and rip your clothes off? Like I'm going to shove my cock inside you and fuck you until you scream?”

You moaned. Fuck yes. That's exactly what you want.

“Don’t you want to?” He pressed. “Don’t you want me to make love to you? To touch every inch of your skin? To lick your nipples and suck on your breasts?”

You bit your lip.

“Fuck. Please stop talking. Just fucking fuck me already.” You moaned, unable to contain your arousal any longer.

He smirked. “All right. All right. But just to warn you. I plan on treating you like the goddess that you are. Every part of your body is going to feel good to me. I’ll make sure you come over and over again.”

A fire ignited within you. This is exactly what you needed. Exactly what you wanted. The idea of getting fucked by him sent a thrill throughout your body. You loved hearing him say those words to you. Words that only a man like him could utter. And knowing that you wanted to have sex with him didn’t hurt either. It made you feel incredibly desirable.

“Tell me. Tell me what you want me to do.” Johnny said softly.

“Do whatever you want.” You replied breathlessly. “Just please. Make me cum.”

He chuckled. “If that’s what you want.”

You nodded eagerly. A devilish grin formed on his lips.

He stood up from the couch. Grabbing your hand, he pulled you up from the sofa. With one swift move, he tossed you over his shoulder.

He strode quickly towards the staircase. You shrieked, clutching at his shirt tightly. You kicked your legs wildly, desperately trying to escape from his grip.

Johnny was much stronger than you realized. Within seconds, he had thrown you down onto your bed. With one quick movement, he jumped on top of you. Your heart thundered against your chest.

He leaned forward, pressing his lips to yours. Kissing you fiercely.

Your body responded instinctively. Your pussy throbbed, begging for attention. Your nipples hardened beneath your shirt, yearning for a hard squeeze.

As his tongue probed into your mouth, his hands slid underneath your shirt. Pushing it up and off your shoulders.

His warm fingers trailed over your skin. Sending chills throughout your entire body. His lips trailed down your neck, licking and sucking at your sensitive flesh. Every single movement was driving you wild.

Every stroke of his tongue and caress of his fingertips set you on fire. You were soaking wet, longing for him to take you. For him to fill you with his cock. To give you the pleasure you deserve.

The moment his fingers brushed against your nipple, you let out a moan.

You arched your back, thrusting your breast towards him.

He chuckled. “God, Y/N. Are you trying to kill me?”

He grasped your bra, tearing it apart with ease. Your nipples sprang free. He rubbed his thumb over them, sending shocks of pleasure coursing through your body.

“Oooohhhh, Johnny.” You moaned.

He grinned wickedly. “Does that feel good, baby? Do you like it when I play with your tits? When I suck on your nipples?”

“Yessss.” You gasped. “More. More. Fuck.”

“Oh god.” He groaned, biting down gently on your nipple.

He continued to flick his tongue across your other nipple, flicking harder each time. Your cries became louder. You felt like you were going to explode. It took everything in you not to reach down and unzip his pants.

Instead, you threw your head back and wrapped your arms around his neck. Tugging at his hair as he teased your nipples. Moaning loudly whenever he touched your skin.

Johnny smiled. He licked his lips hungrily, giving your breasts one last slow suck before letting go.

Leaving you panting for air.

“I've got to be honest with you, baby.” He breathed, pushing himself up onto his knees. “You taste amazing. Better than anything I've ever tasted before. And there's nothing else I'd rather do right now than to spend hours tasting every inch of your gorgeous body. Touching you. Kissing you. Licking you. And slowly entering you. Until I fill you with my cum.”

“Mmmmm. Fuck yes.” You whimpered, your voice sounding like an echo in the empty bedroom.

“Now where were we?” He asked slyly. “Ahh yes, your tits. Did you want me to suck on them some more? Maybe eat you out while I played with your tits?”

“Yes.” You breathed. “Please. Oh god, yes. Please.”

He chuckled. “Anything for you, baby. Anything.”

Slowly standing up, he began to strip off his shirt. Each piece of clothing was removed with great care. His tattoos were displayed prominently. They looked beautiful as always. The sight of them caused you to sigh in appreciation.

Once his shirt was completely gone, he leaned forward, placing a tender kiss on your stomach.

“That's better.” He whispered. “Now you're ready for me.”

His hands sliding your pants off. His lips kissing the insides of your thighs. Caressing your inner thigh with every kiss. Leaving you quivering with desire.

“Fuck!” You cried out. “Stop teasing me. Please. Just fuck me. Now!”

“Shhh.” He whispered. “Not yet. Not yet. There's still so much left to do first. Don't worry. You'll get what you need soon enough.”

Your hands dug into his hair, pulling his face closer to your pussy. You moaned loudly. The sounds of your pleasuring filling the room. His hot breath tickling your inner thighs. Your panties drenched with your juices.

Johnny looked up at you, his dark eyes darkened with lust.

“Look at me. Look how beautiful you are.” He said huskily. “Watch me taste you. Watch as I rub my tongue over your clit. See how good it feels. Know that I'm doing it to you. That I want to eat you out so badly.”

He gripped your hips, tugging you upwards. Opening his mouth wide. Licking your entire pussy, slowly spreading your juices.

Lapping at you slowly, teasingly. Going lower and lower until his tongue found your swollen clit. Pressing hard against it, rubbing his tongue in circles.

“Fuuuck.” You cried out. “Johnny! Johnny!”

“Such dirty talk, baby.” He said with a laugh. “Let me hear it. Let me hear you beg for me to make you cum. I want to hear you screaming for me.”

You clawed at his back, trying to pull his face deeper into your pussy. Screaming obscenities. Making animalistic sounds. Biting down on your pillow as he gave you all the pleasure you deserved.

Finally, his tongue plunged deep inside your pussy. Flicking over your clit in rapid succession. Sucking on it and flicking it. Pulling away occasionally to tease you. Tasting your juices. Giving you an extra burst of pleasure every time.

His pace increased rapidly. Pulling away for brief moments only to return immediately. Giving you even more pleasure than you expected. Soon you were trembling, nearing the point of no return.

It took everything you had not to lose control. Your entire body was consumed by ecstasy. Your pussy contracting rhythmically around his mouth. Pumping his tongue inside you, trying to keep yourself from coming. From exploding with orgasmic bliss.

But you couldn't hold it anymore. You began to cry out. Your body shuddered.

Sensing your impending climax, Johnny stopped sucking on your clit. He withdrew his tongue, but kept his lips firmly pressed against it. Keeping your orgasm contained.

His hands remained firmly on your hips. Tugging at your hips, forcing your body further upwards. You cried out as you tried to pull his face back into your pussy. Trying to force yourself to cum.

You came with a loud scream, your entire body tensing. Johnny followed your lead, groaning loudly as you pushed your pussy back into his face. Your thighs squeezing tight around his head, pulling him tighter against your clit. Your entire body trembling violently. Spasms racking your body. Bringing forth the most intense sensation you had ever experienced.

Suddenly, he stopped. Letting go of your hips. Sliding off your sweaty body. Standing up from the bed. Looking down at you.

“Baby, I know you came, but I'm not done yet.” He said quietly.

Looking down at your spread thighs, he smirked. He began to undo his pants.

You panted, waiting impatiently for him to reveal his erection. You knew what was coming next. You knew this would be the moment of truth. Would he be able to satisfy you? Would he actually be able to give you the satisfaction you were craving?

With one swift motion, his erect cock sprung free. Your eyes widened, almost as if you were surprised to see it. You hadn't been expecting it to be that big.

And you weren't wrong. His cock was absolutely enormous. Longer than any penis you had ever seen. Bulging with potential. You wondered if he could possibly fit inside you.

If he would hurt you.

But you know he wouldn't.

You stared at his cock hungrily, staring at it in disbelief. In awe. You reached out tentatively, touching it lightly. Fingers shaking slightly. Shaking as they traced their way along its length.

You felt the weight of it in your hand. Thicker than any cock you had ever felt. Fuller than any dick you had ever seen.

Before you could fully appreciate his massive erection, he grabbed hold of your wrist. Moving your hand to the tip of his cock.

“Just think about it.” He said quietly. “Imagine how amazing it will feel. Just imagine the sensations running through your body. Imagine how incredible it will feel to have this inside of you. How much more powerful it will be than any dick you've ever had before.”

Thinking about how large his dick would feel stretching your pussy open. Knowing that once he penetrated you, he would never leave. He would be inside you forever. Bringing you so much pleasure.

Giving you such pleasure. Satisfying you so deeply. Giving you what you needed. Allowing you to finally release all your pent up sexual tension. Giving you the ultimate sexual experience.

Feeling overwhelmed with emotion, you placed your lips against the head of his cock. Your tongue darting out. Drawing the warm liquid from his shaft. Overwhelmingly delicious.

Moving down, your lips parted. Your tongue sliding out of your mouth. Stretching out towards his cock. Swirling around it like a tiny tornado. Slickly coating his member with saliva. Getting him nice and wet. Allowing you to slide it further inside your mouth. Gently sucking on it, making sure to take it all in.

“Fuck.” He growled. “Oh fuck. You are so fucking sexy. So beautiful.”

Smiling brightly, you returned his compliment. Leaning forward, your tongue moved further into his crotch. Taking him even deeper inside your mouth. Tongue twirling around his thick base. Up and down the full length of his shaft. Playing with his balls. Feeling the resistance of his perineum.

Slowly moving back up to his tip. Taking him deeper inside your mouth again. Working your way down, taking him all the way to the bottom. Running your tongue along the underside of his shaft. As you slid back up to the tip, you sucked on it gently.

He groaned loudly, reaching out to grab hold of your head. Pushing you downwards so he could sink even deeper into your throat. Your nose pressed against his pubes, inhaling the musky scent. Sucking on his cock like it was a popsicle. Gagging a little bit. His thick length hitting the back of your throat with each movement.

Panting heavily, he held your head firmly in place. Gasping for air as he let out another moan. His dick pulsating wildly inside your mouth. Fluid seeping out of the end of his cock. Massaging your throat. Causing it to tingle pleasantly.

As he released his grip, you released his cock from your mouth. Pausing for a moment to catch your breath. Smiling happily at him. Proud of yourself for being able to handle his huge cock.

He smiled back at you. Reaching down, his fingers wrapping around your chin. Pulling you close to him. He kissed you passionately. Wrapping his arms around you. Holding you tightly. He tasted wonderful. His scent intoxicating. His warmth reassuring.

Gripping your ass tightly, he pulled you onto his lap. Sitting you down onto his hard cock. Watching as it filled your pussy. Slowly slipping inside of you.

Stopping halfway inside you, he gently lifted you up. Removing his erection from your pussy. Grinning as he laid you down on the bed. Positioning himself between your legs. His hard cock positioned at your entrance.

Pulling back slightly, he looked down at you. Seeing the desire in your eyes. Waiting for him to thrust his thick cock inside of you.

Taking a deep breath, he gripped your waist tightly. Slowly pushing forward. Delving inside of you. Feeling you wrap your legs around him. Tightening them around his body. Moaning loudly as he filled you completely.

Releasing his grip on your waist, he grabbed hold of your wrists. Placing them above your head. Hanging limply as he slowly fucked you. Gently pumping his cock into you.

Grinding your hips against him. Panting as you struggled to breathe properly. Wanting desperately to touch his cock, to stroke it. To watch it twitch in your hand. But he didn't allow you to do anything. He continued to thrust into you. Stroking his dick as fast as he could.

“Please.” You begged. “I need you to come inside of me. Please.”

Chuckling, he responded. “Not yet, sweetheart. Not just yet.”

His words spurred you on. Suddenly wanting nothing more than to feel his load splatter inside of you. Needing to feel his seed filling your pussy. Pouring into your body. And you would love every minute of it. Every single second.

He suddenly pulled out of you. Rolling over onto his back. “Climb on top of me. Put your tits in my face. I want to suck on them while you ride me.”

Lifting your ass, you quickly straddled his naked body. Hooking your fingers behind his neck. Settling yourself down onto his hard cock. You moaned loudly as you impaled yourself on him. Your hips bucking back and forth.

Johnny gripped your breasts, tugging on your nipples as you rode him. Squeezing your nipples hard. Twisting them as you slammed your pussy down on his dick. Slowly increasing the speed. Riding him faster and harder until he felt the familiar pressure building up inside of him.

“Hang on baby. Hang on. I'm going to come. Oh god.”

Moaning loudly, you brought yourself closer to climax. Johnny's dick pounding your walls relentlessly. Your whole body shuddering uncontrollably.

Feeling his climax building, Johnny wrapped his arms around you. Holding you tightly. Ensuring that you remain steady. Bringing you closer to release. Kneading your breasts, milking them roughly. Pleasuring them until you were completely overcome by pleasure.

Your orgasm ripping through your body. Crashing down upon you with relentless force. Sweeping you away into an ocean of pure bliss.

He moaned loudly, holding you tight. Panting heavily as he came inside of you. Your pussy gripping him tightly. Keep his semen within you. Silencing his lustful thoughts. Pushing them away, allowing him to rest peacefully.

Holding you closely, he watched as your climax slowly faded away. You lay on his chest, your breathing still erratic.

“So good.” You breathed softly.

“So fucking good.” He agreed. “That was the best. The absolute best."

"The best sex I've had in a long time." You let out a small laugh. You heard the front door of your apartment opening and closing, hearing voices talking about Johnny's coat and shoes. Someone, sounded like Taeyong, laughing at how you and Johnny finally fucked.

"I can hear you guys!" You yelled.

Johnny chuckled. "So I guess the guys are right outside, and they know exactly what happened."

Groaning, you buried your face into Johnny's shoulder. "I can hear Renjun and Haechan asking me all sorts of questions."

Smirking, Johnny spoke. "We can just tell them that the hot tattooed people are finally a couple."

"A couple?" You asked, lifting your head up. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Well, I originally came to see you tonight because I was on a mission." He laughed. "Will you be my girlfriend, Y/N?"

Laughing loudly, you hugged him tightly. "I'd love to be your girlfriend, Johnny."

Letting out a sigh of relief, he relaxed against you. "Thank god."

He mumbled, resting his head against yours. Breathing in your lovely scent, he listened to the sound of your heart beating. "This is the first time I've been with someone I really care about. So I don't want to mess it up. It has to work."

Snuggling against him, you smiled. "Don't worry. We'll figure it out together."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Yes." You answered, curious to hear what he was going to say.

"I love you." He told you. "And you need to know that."

"I love you too." You mumbled, running your fingers through his messy hair. "Forever."

He closed his eyes, biting his lower lip. A mischievous smirk appeared on his lips. He looked down at your tattooed sleeve, running his finger over a sunflower one. "I really love this design. What does it mean?"

You chuckled. "Sunflowers remind me of you."

Johnny froze, looking down at your tattoo.

You were shocked to see tears forming in his eyes. But you didn't have time to worry about it because he immediately placed a tender kiss on your lips.

Your heart fluttered wildly at his actions. Never had you felt so alive.

So happy.

So loved.

You hugged him tightly.

"Remember when you used to tease me about getting tattoos?" He asked you, giving you a sheepish smile. He caressed your cheek. "Remember when I told you I wouldn't get another one unless you joined me?"

"Yup." You nodded. "What happened to getting one with me?"

"I eventually got it with Taeyong and Yuta since I wasn't sure whether you wanted one with me or not." Johnny explained. "I'm still waiting to get one with you."

"What if I gave you the tattoo?" You offered, tracing his shoulder tattoo. "One of my designs so it's like you're taking me with you anywhere you go."

"I would love to be inked by you." Johnny whispered, turning his gaze towards you. "Anywhere you want."

Your breath hitched. This is exactly what you wanted.

You could only imagine the gorgeous tattoos you would create together. They would be so incredibly beautiful. A masterpiece. You would cherish them forever.

It would also make you feel special. Knowing that no matter where you went, Johnny would always carry part of you with him. Always be thinking of you. Remembering you. Cherishing your creations.

You didn't know how you could express how grateful you were for his words. Or for him choosing you. Loving you. Being with you.

All you knew was that you were going to treasure these feelings for as long as possible.

#nct #nct stories #nct fanfic #nct imagines #nct 127 #nct smut #nct johnny #johnny #johnny suh #johnny seo

[elliesbelle]

nobody compares to you

chapter 5

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, slight slut-shaming, brief mention of death, minors do not interact

word count: 2.3k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-fi if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

featuring the isa song “sometimes you lose your soulmates”

Present Day 

Though you didn’t exactly enjoy Mondays, it was at least the one day of the week when you got to wake up naturally instead of at the crack of dawn. Your first class isn't until noon, so when you wake up at 9:30 in the morning, you decide to get your day started early. 

You weren’t always the type of person to completely do themselves up just to go to class. Maybe in freshman year for the first few weeks, but you were a seasoned vet now. Most of the time, some leggings and a simple shirt or sweater sufficed. But after such a shitty weekend, you figure you could at least make yourself feel good by looking good. 

After half an hour of getting ready, you look yourself over in the bathroom mirror. You smile, fairly satisfied with your appearance. Despite the cold breezes of Saturday night, the forecast called for a rare warm day. As a result, you allowed yourself a floral sundress, decorated with a puffy knitted, button-up jacket on top of it in case the season’s true weather decided to show. A pair of simple white sneakers finished your outfit; not the most stylish, but practically, you still had to walk around campus. 

Your lips shine from the bit of lip gloss you’d applied. You’d only applied some light mascara on today (you figured that your Literature and Sexuality class did not warrant your bold, false eyelashes). You’d lightly painted your eyes with colours that complemented those of your sundress, blending them seamlessly onto your eyelids. As you did this, that one memory that was prodding you two days ago became clearer. 

“I have no idea how you do that so naturally, dude.” Ellie’d said, watching you in awe from the foot of your bed. 

Her ocean green eyes watched the meticulous strokes of your makeup brush applying eyeshadow to your lids. It was early on in your “friendship” and it was still a couple more weeks of her calling you “dude” before you became “babe” and “baby.” 

“It’s not that hard, honestly. Just takes some practice.” You’d said, trying to keep your hand steady as you grew nervous under Ellie’s watchful gaze. 

“Nah, it’s natural talent. You’re an artist.” She’d replied. 

You’d scoffed, saying, “Ellie, all I’m doing is my makeup. You’re the actual artist, remember?” 

“No,” She’d shaken her head. “I just draw. You’re the artist here.” She’d said decidedly, eyes full of admiration as she continued to stare. 

You’d blushed furiously then, and you would continuously do so when you’d replay that memory the months following after. 

But it was two years later and now, the memory instead has you staring at your reflection tight-lipped and frowning. 

Why is she still everywhere? 

It was roughly a fifteen to twenty-minute walk from your apartment to the university. You lived in an off-campus apartment complex that was in a decent location from both the school and a downtown area nearby. It was less convenient than living on campus like several of your friends still did, and this certainly wasn’t what you’d had in mind when you were planning out your social college experience. But after the freshman year events of Rafael’s death and Ellie’s abandonment, you were far more comfortable where you were. 

You liked walking anyway. You found solace in the strolls you took, accompanied only by your thoughts and headphones. 

About five minutes into your trek to campus, you pull out your phone to text your friend Tara. 

A couple of minutes later, you were just officially entering the campus when Tara texts you back. 

You continue walking as you frown down at your phone. Dina had spent most of the previous day at your place, cheering you up and taking your mind off Ellie. Your group chat with your other friends was blowing up and by the end of the night when Dina had left, you were overwhelmed by the amount of unread texts you had. The group chat remained unopened until right now. 

The chat consisted of your friends Tara, Sidney, Astrid, Rebecca, Kristen, and Mina. You’d met them all in freshman year. Tara was your assigned roommate and Astrid was Dina’s. They were all initially casual friends, ones that you saw on a usual basis and got along well with, but they weren’t necessarily very close. You were better friends with the gang from Jackson. But after you came back to campus for sophomore year, you detached yourself slightly from Dina and Jesse, knowing full well that Ellie had them first. They both tried to remain closer to you; but they remained inseparable from their childhood best friend, not fully knowing what events led to what “broke up” you two. It wasn’t the same and it was a much different dynamic with this other friend group, but the girls were there for you all the same. 

Reluctantly, you click on the group chat named “Wilson Crew ❤️‍🔥” (Wilson Valley had been the name of the freshman dorm building most of you had resided in the first year). Scrolling up to where you’d left off, you scan the messages your friends had left the previous day. Your eyes grow wider and wider the more you read. 

The previous day, Tara, who worked at a campus coffee shop called Ruston Coffee, was tasked to train a new girl. To her, your other friends’, and now your shock, the new girl Tara was training was Freshman Girl. The same Freshman Girl who stayed glued to Ellie’s side for most of Saturday night. The same Freshman Girl who drooled over Ellie’s every word and move. The same Freshman Girl that mistook your Ellie’s signature lavender-laced joints as lilac. The same Freshman Girl who wore Ellie’s old motorcycle jacket the entire night. 

It turned out Freshman Girl did have a name: Daniela. Your friends had sent messages with different levels of shock and horror. Kristen called her a whore, to which Sidney agreed, to which Astrid reprimanded and told them both to be nice. Mina sent memes as a response. Tara also texted that Daniela would be working with her again today. 

You look up. Ruston Coffee is just down the way. You don't have to go in. You can skip coffee for today and hide out in the library instead. 

“I’m not expecting you and Ellie to magically make up. I won’t try to get into the middle of it because I know that’s between you two. But you definitely need to figure out this out, babe. This doesn’t seem like something that should remain unresolved.” Dina’d said.

“But don’t also let it affect all the other parts of your life, okay?" She continued. "She shouldn’t be stopping you from hanging out with me and Jess more often or going out to parties we’re at or anything that involves Ellie in some way. Don’t let her stop you from enjoying your life.” 

And Ellie certainly shouldn’t stop you from getting coffee. If you want to get a coffee and relax before class, Ellie should not be getting in the way of that. 

You take a deep breath and march towards the coffee shop, fingers gripping tightly onto the straps of your backpack and feet stomping in rhythm to good 4 u by Olivia Rodrigo blasting loudly through your headphones. 

A bell above the door tinkles as you enter Ruston Coffee. The shop was a little busy, most seats taken up by other students sitting with their laptops or biding time before class. There's a line of people by the register and you begin approaching it until you hear your name being called. 

Your friend Tara waves you over by the counter where orders are usually dropped off. In one of her hands is a straw and your ready-made mocha frappe. 

“You’re the literal best, Tara.” You sigh, pulling your headphones off and walking up to her. 

She hands you your coffee order. 

“No problem.” She says, smiling. “You know that I don’t mind.”

“Thank you for indulging in my caffeine addiction,” You say, whipping out your phone and sending her $6. 

Tara frowns and says, “You better not have given me a $3 tip this time.” 

You sip from your straw. 

“Dude!” Tara reprimands, laughing. 

“$2 tip!” You say, defensively. 

“Just for a $4 coffee.” She chides, shaking her head. 

You shrug. 

“So uh,” Tara begins, her voice lowered slightly. “Did you see what I said in the group chat yesterday? Cause you weren’t responding.” 

You gulp. 

“Uhh. Yeah, I did, just now. Sorry, Dina was at my place yesterday, so I was busy—” 

“Nah nah, it’s cool, man. But like. You saw what I said about that girl, right?” 

“Is she here?” You ask, chewing the inside of your cheek. 

“Not yet. But—” Tara checks her watch. “—she’s supposed to be here in less than five minutes or so.” 

Fuck. 

“Oh, okay.” You gulp, your heart rate increasing. 

“Are you okay, dude?” Tara asks. 

“No, yeah, I’m fine.” You lie. “How did training her yesterday go?” 

Tara crosses her arms and rolls her eyes. 

“Literally the worst. She kept on looking at her phone instead of listening, she left one AirPod in her ear the whole time, she kept asking when we were gonna be done. And now I have to go through it all again once she gets here.” 

You give Tara a sympathetic look. 

“I hate that,” You say, sucking on your teeth. “Can’t you just, I don’t know, not hire her?” 

“We’re short-staffed as fuck, so we don’t have much of a choice.” Tara sigh. 

One of Tara’s co-workers comes up behind her and attempts to elbow her ribs which she dodges easily. 

“Get back to work, Maclay.” He says, putting down two cups of coffee next to her before heading back towards the register. 

“Fuck off, Khanh!” She replies, shooting a middle finger to his back. 

“Should I let you get back to work?” You ask. 

“Nah,” Tara reassures. “I wanna shit talk this Daniela girl first before I have to deal with her this morning.” 

“Do you know how often she’s gonna be working with you?” You inquire. 

“I’m not sure yet, but if Bonnie thinks she’s gonna stick me with a lazy new girl this early in the year—” 

You hear the bell above the door tinkle as someone enters the coffee shop. Both you and Tara look instinctively at the new arrival. Tara groans silently and your throat goes dry. 

Freshman Girl Daniela walks in. Wearing Ellie’s jacket once again. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

“Crap, I gotta go now, I guess.” Tara whines begrudgingly. 

“Y-yeah…” You say, unable to take your eyes off of that same jacket that used to often adorn your shoulders back in your freshman year. You hate that it looked good on Daniela. 

“I’ll see you later, dude.” Tara says, wrenching her elbows off the counter and walking towards the register. 

“Good luck.” You reply. 

You aren't exactly subtle with your stare, but thankfully Daniela doesn't seem to notice. It's a little different seeing her now in the daytime. She was very pretty, you have to admit to yourself. She has a short, pixie cut that complements her sharp bone structure. She's wearing a bright yellow tank top below Ellie’s jacket that clings to her lean figure, making her stand out slightly. The light makeup she has on looks so simple and natural. 

Daniela wasn’t Ellie’s first conquest since you ended things with her. She didn’t waste much time dating around after you all came back for your sophomore year. You’d avoided her as much as possible so you wouldn't have to come face-to-face with the girls she’d get involved with. You still heard about them, of course, and you were sure there were even more than the ones you’d known about. 

But Daniela was the first you were forced to encounter. You weren’t prepared to be thrust right into Ellie’s love life once more. But here you are, staring at the most recent fling of the girl who you were once so desperately in love with. 

As Daniela lazily makes her way through the shop towards the back, you eventually tear your eyes off her and head straight for the exit. 

♫ Maybe she’ll come through / If he waits some more 

But she doesn’t / No, she doesn’t ♫ 

You're leaning against one of the trees in the quad, backpack laid next to you and headphones back on your ears. Your next class is in the building right behind you, but you still have a while until it started. 

♫ It’s not like the movies / Like you dream it’ll be 

Sometimes you lose your soulmates / And sometimes they leave ♫

Your journal and pen are laid out on your lap but abandoned as your fingers pick at the grass around you. Your mostly empty coffee cup sits next to you, condensation dripping into the soil. Your eyes are completely glazed over, watching the clouds in the sky. 

♫ She’s not a girl you forget / She’ll run through your head 

With all of the moments / You loved but now dread 

To remember / Burning like—♫ 

Your hands and voice react quicker than your mind does. Your sudden movements cause your headphones to fall onto your neck. After a second, you realize that you had shrieked and that your hands had flown up to your face to catch something. As you bring the object down to look at it, you realize it was a football. 

“Shit! I’m so sorry!” 

You look up to see a tall girl in a dark t-shirt and grey sweatpants jogging towards you, a dirty blonde braid bouncing behind her. 

“Abby?”

author's notes:

sorry for the delay in uploading this! i'm back from my brief vacation, and after i settled in after getting home, i almost immediately plopped down in front of my laptop to finalize this ldksfjsdlkds

not very chockful of ellie in this chapter, i know, i'm sorry! y'all got plenty last chapter! but don't worry, more will be coming up soon. i just enjoy keeping y'all in suspense.

i just wanna mention that most (if not all) of the names that i use in this fic are picked out people in the games themselves. also tara's last name is maclay as an homage to my lesbian queen tara maclay from buffy the vampire slayer. she's not the same character obvi, but i just enjoy putting in the reference :)

freshman girl aka daniela may have been named after and based on some whore girl that my ex left me for and that i'm still bitter about it oops

i hope y'all enjoyed the surprise guest appearance at the end of this chapter! she will be integrated further into the story from this point on, so stayed tuned :)

taglist: @lonelyfooryouonly, @elliesinterlude, @sawaagyapong, @peppesgirl, @iconsoft, @maybeidohaveadhd, @ellieswifee, @valiantllamapersonpony-blog, @nil-eena, @echostinn, @uraesthete, @softbunlvr, @cherriessxinthespring, @amitycat, @chrissyfishywissy, @yevheniiaaa, @machetegirl109, @bertandfearnie, @ximtiredx, @efam, @elliesnoviecita, @oatmilkchaii, @tayyyystan, @emothurman, @livvy-2000, @abigaillovestoread, @gold-dustwomxn, @liabadoobee, @yuckyfucky

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#nobody compares to you series #ellie williams #dealer!ellie #ellie x reader #ellie x you #ellie x y/n #the last of us #tlou #the last of us part 2 #tlou2 #ellie fanfiction #Spotify #audio #belle speaks #v #belle writes

[buckysmischief]

old foes, new flames (no one knows me like you do)

druig x f!reader

wc: 11.4k

summary: You and Druig were childhood friends, never one without the other, but that all ended when he got a girlfriend and things changed. Eventually it was too much to be hear him and at the first opportunity you had, you left town. Years later, an invitation to Wanda's wedding brought you back and nothing was the same.

warnings: while this story doesn't have any outright explicit content there are mentions of drinking, smoking, and sexual innuendos. minors please do not interact. angsty, stubborn idiots, fluffy ending.

an: I went a little out of my comfort zone with this one, I really hope you enjoy it. feedback is much appreciated :)

m a s t e r l i s t

Going back to the place you grew up wasn't something you ever wanted to do again. But when Wanda, one of your childhood best friends called and asked you to be the maid of honor in her wedding. How could you say ‘no’?

It was a super last minute thing. She hasn't been with the guy very long at all. But when Pietro said he didn't have any concerns you decided against calling in a welfare check.

"So she didn't tell you who he is?" Yelena asked.

"No, She did. I just forgot his name and I'm too stubborn to ask." You laughed out, "All I remember is that she met him a few months ago at her college graduation party and that he's super hot."

You and Yelena were roommates freshman year and the rest was history. It was a rare occasion you were apart. So when Wanda said you could bring a plus one, well, Yelena was the obvious choice. It’s not like you were dating anyone and could bring them, not that you would want to bring anyone you were dating back to that place anyways. She wasn't excited about the four hour train ride but you were. Not having to drive and having the opportunity to move around, even just to stretch, was preferable.

“So,” She asked you, with an hour of the ride left, "do you think he's going to be there? I remember you said he was her friend growing up too."

"I didn't ask. She only told me that it's in a few days and that she already has my dress picked out." The neighborhood you grew up in didn't have a lot of kids your age, just you and three others. Wanda, her twin brother Pietro, and a quiet boy named Druig. You and him had a different connection than you did with the twins, for a long time you thought the two of you were inseparable. But as you got older he became more independent of the group, you tried to be happy for him and not take it personally but it was hard.

You even took it well when he announced he had a girlfriend. That was until she made a joke about you following Druig around like a lost puppy. Looking back on it it was naive of you to hope he’d defend you somehow, but it felt like a punch to the gut when he not only laughed but agreed with her.

After that the only time you spoke was when you were insulting each other. For a short while Wanda and Pietro felt like they had to pick a side but that was the last thing you wanted, Druig too. Thankfully there were only a few occasions where all of your paths crossed, but when they did you made sure to avoid him completely. There was no way you were going to be the reason things got too weird.

“Well if he is and he says anything out of line,” she cracked her knuckles, “I’ll handle it.”

You laughed under your breath, knowing how truthful her threat was, “Let’s just hope he’s forgotten I exist.”

The scenery started to get all too familiar and all your mind could focus on was the last time you were here. You left a few days after graduation with no thoughts of returning, if it was anyone else but Wanda asking you to come back the idea wouldn’t have even been entertained. 

Her and Pietro were the ones to drive you to the train station and it was obvious they were very against the whole thing, but thankfully they let you go without a fuss. Pietro had let it slip that he had invited Druig, in hopes of reconciliation or something, but you knew he wouldn’t. Not after what you had said to him the night before.

~~

“Who’s there?” You woke up to the sound of rocks being thrown at your bedroom window.

There wasn’t an answer but you heard the leaves from the tree being rustled. Whoever it was had definitely done this before.

“Wanda? Pietro? Please tell me it’s one of you just trying to scare me.”

“Afraid not.”

You’d recognize that voice anywhere. “What are you doing Druig? Shouldn’t you be climbing out of someone else’s window and not into mine?”

He had finally made his way up the tree and onto the branch that had grown perfectly level with the window. The last time he did that felt like a lifetime ago, there was no reason for him to be doing that now. You didn’t want him there. Unfortunately for you he was climbing in before the words “you need to leave” could finish coming out of your mouth.

Druig looked around, “Everything still looks the same.”

“Not everyone changes their whole personalities overnight.” 

He picked up a picture frame you had hanging on the wall. It was from your thirteenth birthday, in it you were with Wanda, Pietro and Druig at the top of a ferris wheel. You weren’t angry enough at him to rip him out of the photo though, but you were upset enough to put a sticky note over his face. “My mom still has this photo on the mantel, I’ve begged her for years to take it down.”

“How a saint like Ajak could raise a devil like you is something I’ll never understand.” Did he practically break into your bedroom just to be a dick? “Why are you here, Druig?”

“I heard from a little bird that you were flying the nest, never to return.” He put the photo back where he found it and walked over to your bed, sitting on the edge of it. “I wanted to say goodbye.”

Out of habit, you followed him across the room and sat beside him. You told yourself it was so you didn’t have to talk as loud, not wanting your parents to wake up, but deep down you knew it was muscle memory. “Usually that obligation is to the people who actually like the person that’s leaving.”

You noticed his eyes were glossed over, and you were close enough to him that you could smell the beer on his breath. Did he really have the nerve to show up in your room after all that had happened, while intoxicated, to talk about you leaving?

“Yeah, well..” Druig was usually so quick witted, you couldn’t put your finger on it (nor did you care to) but something was off about him, “it just took me by surprise. I never thought any of us would leave this place.”

He didn’t say it in a rude way, but something about him saying it at all made part of your brain short circuit. “You don’t know me Druig, not anymore. You treat me like shit for three years and show up here in the middle of the night for what? To make a pointless comment about a photograph and act sad that I’m leaving? You’re the reason I’m leaving! I can’t stand to be in this zip code wondering if I’m going to run into you, who you’ll be with, and what taunts you and your friends will throw my way. 

“I have a long list of reasons why I want to leave and never come back, and since I’m too tired to tell you the rest of them just know that they all begin with you.” Somehow you had managed to get that all out without raising your voice or shedding a single tear and yet it didn’t make you feel better. You were so in your feelings that you missed the switch flip in Druig’s mind.

“I just came by to tell you that you’ll be back, you’re not special enough to leave this place for good. And when you do, I’ll be waiting to tell you ‘I told you so’.” His tone was cold and unforgiving, more than ever before.

He stood up and walked back to your window, but just before he climbed out he called your name. “Hey Yn..”

You snapped back, “What, Druig?”

“I’ll see you soon.”

~~

It was midafternoon when you arrived at your parents house and it was already too much. Your mom wanted to show you all of the renovations before your bags ever touched the ground. Your dad wanted to show you the new pattern he mowed into the lawn, like you didn’t see it walking up to the front door.

“Mom, dad, I love you both so much and I can’t wait to see everything but give us like an hour to put our bags down and I don’t know, breathe?” You pleaded, hoping your parents would take into consideration the eight hour train ride you and Yelena just endured. 

“Oh of course,” your dad agreed. 

The two of you took that as the perfect time to walk up the stairs to your old bedroom, you had almost got to the top when your mom called for you. “Yn, I forgot to tell you. There’s a surprise waiting for you in your room.”

“Okay?” You replied, and then whispered to Yelena, “I’m scared, either she threw everything away and it’s unrecognizable or it’s a new pillow or something.”

“ME first!” Yelena barged past you, throwing the door nearly off its hinges before letting out a sound somewhere between a cat being murdered and a burglar alarm. You watched in slow motion as she flung her bag towards the window where a human shaped object fell out of it.

“What the fuck was that!?” You shouted at her as you both ran to the open window. There was a man laying on the lawn sprawled on his side.

“Oh look,” Yelena nudged your elbow with hers, “your dad’s lawn looks great!”

“I knew I liked you!” You could hear your dad yell from the front porch. “Druig, son? Is that you? Why are you laying on the lawn? You’re going to mess up the pattern.”

“Druig?” You asked in a panic to no one in particular. “Oh my god, Yelena! You killed Druig!”

The look on her face was blank, like she was wondering if she should care. “No, it was self defense. He deserved it.”

“Murder is murder Yelena!”

“Honey, we don't have the right insurance to cover up a murder.” Your mom chimed in from the doorway.

“Nope,” you heard a groan, “Still alive. A little less high than I was five minutes ago, but alive.”

“What are you doing down there?” You yelled to him, grateful he was alive but suddenly pissed off that he was there to begin with.

“So you’re like this because of your parents, not in spite of them.” Yelena said, the puzzle pieces finally clicking into place.

You ignored her and ran down the stairs and out the front door. As much as you wanted to make sure he was okay, you also wanted him gone as soon as he could stand. There was no way you were giving your parents yet, apparently, another chance of letting him in the house.

He started to sit up as you made your way out of the front door, so you asked him again, “What are you doing here, Druig?”

He took another minute to get up and wipe himself free of a few leaves and branches he took down with him. You couldn’t help but notice how his hair was longer, something you always told him he could pull off. How dare he take your advice when you weren’t around to gloat about it? And were those… Did he get tattoos?

Yelena nudged you again to get your attention, dragging you away from thoughts you shouldn’t have been having, just in time for Druig to walk up to you both. “I wanted to be the first to welcome you home…to be the one to remind you that I told you so.” He smirked, “Look who’s back.”

“Leave.” You demanded. “Leave now and leave me alone. I’m here until Wanda says ‘I do’ and then I’m going back home where I don’t have to see you ever again.”

Durig’s eyes never left yours and the smirk had grown to a full on grin. “Oh this is perfect. She didn’t tell you?” Then he looked at Yelena and laughed, “She didn’t tell her!”

You crossed your arms in annoyance, “Who didn’t tell me what?” 

“Wanda. She didn’t tell you who she’s marrying?” You shook your head in confusion, waiting for him to say he was the groom even though you knew that wasn’t the case. “She’s getting married to my best friend, Bucky. So can you guess what that makes me?”

You tried your best to hold it in but a slew of “fucks” fell out of your mouth. You heard your mother shouting from inside that you could put a sailor to shame but you didn’t care. Of course Wanda was so vague with the details, she knew you’d politely decline the maid of honor (and maybe the invitation all together) position if you knew the truth. “The best man.”

“The BEST best man, actually. I beat Pietro in a race for it.”

“You’re mistaking me for someone who cares.” All the years of therapy didn’t do a damn thing. Well, you didn’t punch him so maybe it helped a little. “I’m going to call Wanda and talk to her about this. You’re welcome to walk in traffic, or don’t, I don’t really care. Just.. leave, please.”

You didn’t walk far, Druig didn’t show any sign of leaving and as much as you wanted her to, you couldn’t let Yelena hurt him again. Or threaten to hurt him again, because she would and the next time wouldn’t be an accident.

Wanda sent you to voicemail three times, so either she was super busy or she knew that you knew, so you texted her instead.

Yn: Hey! I’m back. When are we meeting up? I want to meet your future husband and hear all about how you met and how grossly in love you are! We can talk about all you need me to do, who is all in the wedding party. More specifically the best man. Do I know him?

She responded almost instantly.

Wanda: Oh good, I’m so glad you made it safe! I can swing by in an hour if that works for you?

Yn: That works. Are you going to avoid my questions then too?

Wanda: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Yn: When did Druig get tattoos?

Wanda: I’ll be there in 5

You put your phone back in your pocket and walked back down the walkway where Yelena was obviously running out of patience. There was a part of you that wanted to ask her to go inside so you could talk to him in private, he was always less of a dick head when others weren’t around, while the other part of you wasn’t in a hurry to be alone with him at all. “Wanda said she’s going to be here in five minutes, is there a reason you’re still here or do you get off on being somewhere you’re not wanted?”

He glanced back in your direction, his eyes locked with yours. “She might not want me here,” he pointed at Yelena and then to you, “but you do. You can tell yourself whatever lie you want, Yn, but you’ve never been able to lie to me.”

Before you got a chance to tell him where he could shove the finger he was pointing at you, Wanda had pulled into the driveway. She walked up to Yelena before ever meeting your eyes, she made sure she positioned herself perfectly when she gave Yelena a hug and asked her how the trip was, her back facing you.

“Yeah, yeah. You two missed each other, I love that for you both.” You were getting slightly impatient. Between waking up early, traveling, not getting a chance to relax, Druig and Wanda stalling, you felt like you were going to explode. “Can someone who isn’t Druig please fill in the gaps for me?”

Wanda turned to give you a look of sympathy, then spoke to Druig. “Bucky’s home, he’s waiting for you.”

“He’ll be fine,” he began to walk away, but turned to give you one last look, “I had a promise to fulfill.”

Thankfully Wanda had jumped right in and explained everything, from how she met Bucky to the Druig of it all. Apparently Druig introduced them and it was love at first sight, you ignored the voice in your head telling you that this was his plan all along. That he knew short of a funeral, the only way you’d come back was Wanda getting married. You would be giving him way too much credit if you actually entertained that thought.

“I’m sorry,” Wanda said, pulling you out of your thoughts, “you said once that he was tolerable now and I just kind of assumed it wouldn’t be an issue.”

“Yeah, because I live in a different time zone, not because he’s a tolerable person!” You pouted. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m here for your big day not to make you feel bad. The wedding is in what, three days? I can handle being around him for three days, but only because it’s you.”

“I’m glad you feel that way because,” she hesitated for a moment and then braced for impact, “he’s going to be helping you set everything up in the backyard, Bucky put Druig’s name down to accept everything as it gets dropped off just in case you got delayed arriving.”

“That’s, that’s fair.” You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. “So what can I do for you now that I’m here?”

Wanda smiled and hugged you, excited that you weren’t upset with her. Not like you ever could be. “I just need you to come over at some point tomorrow to try on the dress and I’ll give you the itinerary for Friday and Saturday then. Friday is pretty much just you and Druig setting everything up and then Saturday I basically just need you at my side.”

It could have been worse, all you really had to get through was Friday, and Yelena being there would give you a distraction. You would only have to be around him for a minimal amount of time the day of the wedding if you played your cards right. At least that’s what you thought.

“Yelena,” Wanda said in a hopeful tone, “you can help Yn on Friday if you want but if you don’t feel like being a human buffer, my brother is driving to the city to pick up a few cases of wine and I’m sure he would enjoy your company.”

She knew what she was doing. She knew Pietro and Yelena had some weird unspoken thing. You were on Facetime with Wanda one night and she was with her brother, Yelena had gotten home and popped in to say hi to Wanda and then gave her full focus to Pietro. You ended up giving her his number before they completely hijacked the call.

They texted all the time but never talked about meeting in person. To your knowledge she didn’t tell him she was coming to the wedding, and you suspected Wanda had kept it a secret too. Yelena was never the serious relationship type, but you had a feeling if anyone could change that it was Pietro.

She looked at you, silently asking if you’d mind. Of course you did, but you weren’t going to hold her (or anyone) back because of your personal issues with someone. “Go and hang out with Pietro, I’ll be fine.”

“You sure? Because,” she paused, “I texted him when we got here and we already have potential plans. I was waiting to see what your schedule looked like before we made anything official.”

“Tomorrow too?”

“He wanted to show me around but since you’re free most of the day I was just going to push that to Friday.”

You thought about it for a moment, going over your options. The selfish part of you wanted to see if you could just be the third wheel for the day, but since you didn’t really make plans outside of helping with the wedding you decided it wasn’t fair to do that. You got to see Yelena everyday, if she was comfortable going off gallivanting with Pietro then you weren’t going to get in the middle of it. Maybe they’d be the next ones to have a last minute wedding. “No, you go and have fun! It’ll probably take my mom half the day to show me all the changes to the house, I can entertain myself after that.”

“Well that sounds depressing.” Wanda chimed in.

You laughed and rolled your eyes at her, “Do you really think I have the attention span for that? No, I’m going to walk around and be nostalgic. See where I end up. Nothing super dramatic.”

“Oh good, we wouldn’t want that.” It was her turn to roll her eyes at you. “If you want, you’re more than welcome to run errands with me.”

“No offense, but I’d rather spend the day with Druig. I don’t even like running my own errands.” You all couldn’t help but laugh at that.

After that Wanda had gotten a call from Bucky, something about the cake. She excused herself, reminding you that her offer still stood, and you and Yelena went back in the house. 

~~

The next morning Yelena woke you up, letting you know that she was leaving. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

You sat up to check the time, 8:07, there was no point trying to go back to sleep. “Yeah I don’t care, I”m going to get ready and head out soon too. Text me if Pietro gets weird, I’ll call you and fake an emergency or something.”

She knew you meant it, and you knew you wouldn’t have to do it. 

Over the next hour you ate breakfast with your parents and indulged them when they asked if they could show you everything finally. Again. When the tour was over you quickly got ready and rushed out the door before they found a way to keep you inside all day.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to spend time with them, you did. It was just that you knew they wanted you to move back home and you didn’t want to give them the chance to bring it up. It was easy for them to let you go the first time, they were under the impression you’d come back when you decided you weren’t going for your bachelor’s degree. That was three years ago and their “subtlety” of convincing you to come back was getting more and more obvious.

But of course when you dodge one bullet another one comes flying, or however that saying goes. Druig was in your parents driveway. Scratch that, Druig and his motorcycle were in your parents driveway. “Finally, I’ve been waiting for you for 20 minutes.” 

“Did I wake up in a reality where I asked?” 

He swung one leg over the bike and put on his helmet, offering you an extra one. “I heard you don’t have any plans today.” 

Damn Wanda. She told him on purpose.

Your curiosity got the better of you, “And you made some for us?”

“No, but you can accompany me to mine.” Was a smirk permanently plastered on his face? It infuriated you to no end. Unfortunately, for no one but you, it also made him super attractive.

“Fuck you.”

“You weren’t on my to do list today but I can add you to it if you want.” Did he really just say that?

“Excus-” The sound of his bike roaring to life cut you off. You couldn’t make out what he said after that, but he extended his arm and offered you the helmet again.

Both of you were a bit surprised when you took it. You had never been on a motorcycle before so when Druig grabbed your hands and put them around his waist you flinched away from him. “Do you want to fall off?”

Obviously not. “Fine. But just know-”

“That what? Being this close to me drives you crazy?” He grabbed your hands and put him around his waist again, holding them a little tighter than he did before. “You’ll get over it.”

He revved his bike, probably so he didn’t have to hear yet another response to another one of his slick comments, and began to drive through the neighborhood. You had no idea where he was taking you and was slightly too afraid to open your eyes to guess. 

For the first time since you found out it was him who fell out of your window you started to wonder why you were entertaining Druig and his antics. Was it for Wanda’s sake? Could therapy be working more than you thought? Maybe the distance had allowed you to outgrow him enough for it to not hurt anymore. Two things you decided that you knew for sure was that time and distance made you forget the feelings you had for him, and having to hold onto him for dear life solidified that they were back.

After what felt like an eternity, you felt the bike turn right and slow down. Only when it was no longer moving and had gone silent did you feel safe enough to open your eyes.

“You don’t gotta stop holding me,” he put a hand on your thigh and gently squeezed it a couple of times, “but you gotta let go of me long enough for us both to get off.”

Feelings be damned, his cocky attitude brought you back to reality. You let go of him and got your feet on the ground as quickly as you could. “You wish. So, where are we?”

If you took a moment to look around before you asked, it would have been obvious. “When did they close it down?”

“Last year.” The movie theater was your favorite place to be growing up. Not just because of the movies you saw there, but because of the easily accessible roof that you and everyone your age would hang out on after your respectable movies were over. Before things got weird between you two, you and Druig were attached at the hip and the roof was your favorite spot to hang out. After things got weird, you stopped going as much and eventually not at all. You never knew if he continued to go or not. “But they never took down the ladder.”

He gestured for you to go first but you stood there frozen. “Why are we doing this? Why did you bring me here?” 

“Can we both just cut the act for a bit? I’m not used to it anymore.” His tone was laced with exhaustion. 

As much as you related to his words, old habits do die hard. “Then take me home, wouldn’t want you getting used to being around me.”

He pointed from you to the ladder again, “Climb the damn ladder, Yn.”

You complied, convincing yourself you were only doing so out of pure curiosity. 

When you got to the top you realized why Druig wanted you up there so badly. There was a huge blanket spread out with nice outdoor furniture set up around a cooler and a picnic basket. A lot of thought seemed to go into what was obviously a last minute thing, but you wondered why it was a thing at all. Why would he want to spend more time together than necessary?

“Take a seat,” he put his hand on the small of your back, encouraging you to once again take the lead, “it took Pietro way too long to get these up here.”

You took a seat on one of the chairs while Druig took the one across from you, but not before almost taking the one beside you. “You would make him do all the work.”

“That’s not what I said.” He began to take out food from the picnic basket, attentively placing what looked to be sandwiches, chips, and sweets out on the table. Your favorites. “You have a habit of taking everything I say the wrong way.”

“I do not.”

He grabbed two drinks out of the cooler, handing you one and keeping the other for himself. “Okay, not always. But to be fair he offered to do most of the heavy lifting, something about getting a workout in before meeting up with that scary friend of yours. And I made the food.”

“I can’t wait to tell Yelena you think she’s scary. “ You said before you took a bite of your sandwich. 

“Oh I’m sure she knows, someone doesn’t get to be that terrifying by accident.”

Conversation stayed light for the rest of the time you ate, from what you majored in to the auto repair shop he opened a few years ago. It felt nice to just talk to him again without any hostility, like it used to when things were normal. Being in a secluded environment was the key, you doubted it would be that easy at the wedding while being around so many people who were secretly waiting to see which one of you take things too far first.

Then Druig had to go and ruin it. “So can we talk about it now?”

“Talk about what?”

His eyes came close but they wouldn’t quite meet yours. “About how we went from being inseparable to me having to beg Wanda for updates on your life.”

If Druig was right about anything, it was you taking what he had to say the wrong way. “Are you fucking serious? You don’t remember?”

“What? No I meant-”

You stood up and walked towards the ladder, “I don’t care, I really don’t. I’m leaving. Unfortunately I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Stop.” He grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you in closer by your hips. “I remember exactly what happened. I was about to apologize for it.”

The way the light hit his blue eyes had you hypnotized. “I'm listening.”

“If either of us was a lost puppy it was me. I didn’t realize it at first, not until I found out you were leaving. I showed up at the twins house to tell them my revelation, begging them to tell me what I could do to make things right.” His train of thought was all over the place but so was your concentration. His left hand was still on your hip while his right had traveled its way up to your cheek. “Wanda told me your plans, Pietro said I should show up and tell you everything. It felt selfish to tell you something so heavy after finding out how excited you were to leave, I always thought things would just somehow go back to normal in college or something..

“So I drank my feelings and showed up at your house. I said something that hurt your feelings, again, and you snapped and I said some fucked up shit. I went to tell you that I loved you and ended up doing the exact opposite.” 

If he said anything after that your brain didn’t register it. You only had water but it felt like you drank a whole bottle of wine. Before you knew it your hands were pulling his face closer to yours, closing the small amount of distance there was between you. 

His lips on yours felt foreign, yet welcoming. More than. 

The way one of his hands comfortably held your jaw while the other was tangled in your hair sent a fire through you that you had never felt before. When his tongue swiped over your lips you knew you were a goner, he swallowed the soft moan that escaped your lips. Druig had made you feel a lot of things over the years but in that moment he made you feel at home.

“Stop,” you put your hand on his chest and pushed away, forcing space between you. “This can’t happen.”

You didn’t stay to hear him out, but that didn’t stop him from following you down the ladder and begging to understand what just happened.

“Yn, talk to me! What the fuck happened up there?” You both walked past his bike and down the sidewalk. There wasn’t anywhere you were walking to exactly, you just wanted to get as far away from the moment as you could. “Did I do something you didn’t want me to?”

There was something in his voice that made you stop. “No, really no. But this,” you gestured between the two of you, “can’t happen. I’m only here for two more days and-”

“Then stay.” 

“It’s not that simple, Druig.”

“Why not?” He pleaded with you, asking a question you didn’t even know the answer to.

“Look, I promise to act normal tomorrow and for the wedding, I won’t tell anyone, Wanda will have the wedding she deserves and me and Yelena will go back home and you’ll never hear from me again!”

He scoffed and you swore you could feel him roll his eyes, “Can you stop being so dramatic?”

You ignored him the rest of the way back to your parents house. Eventually he stopped trying to get your attention, the only indication of his being behind you was the sound of gravel crunching beneath his boots.

Instead of paying him any mind you brainstormed of non life threatening illnesses you could quickly expose yourself to so you had a perfectly reasonable excuse to be a horrible friend to Wanda and miss her and Bucky’s wedding. The answer was none.

After what felt like hours and many blisters later, you and Druig eventually made it back to your childhood home. Much to your surprise though, a familiar car was in the driveway. “Pietro?”

Before you got halfway up the driveway a blur of silver hair came out of nowhere and picked you up into a tight bear hug, almost tackling you to the ground. “Yn, I’ve missed you so much! How did your date with Druig go? I didn’t think I’d get to see you until later.”

“My what?” You pulled yourself out of his grasp. “Is that what he told you it was?”

“No?” He admitted, obviously confused. “I just figured you both decided to stop being stubborn and were ready to admit your feelings for eachother.”

“I did.” Druig said proudly, “I think it’s physically impossible for her to stop being stubborn though, probably would combust or something.”

“That sounds more thrilling than being here right now.”

“Told you.”

Before you could get another smart ass word in, Yelena had finally come outside. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” you lied, “I was too afraid to get back on Druig’s bike so we walked back. He was just saying goodbye.” You walked into the house and went straight to your room, ignoring the worried questions of your parents. You got to your window in time to see the guys back out of your driveway, probably on their way to Druig’s bike.

You were worried Yelena would have a hundred questions about what had happened, but that was silly. She knew how to work through your issues when you couldn’t. When Yelena found you in your room she came with the only thing that could stand a chance at putting you in a better mood (no matter the season), hot chocolate.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” she reminded you, handing you one of the mugs she held, “but Pietro filled me in on some things that have happened since you left. He said he’ll come back later if you want.”

“Yes,” you grumbled, “but not if he wants to talk about him.”

“I’ll let him know.”

While you waited for Pietro, and dinner, you listened to Yelena as she told you about her day. As she spoke about all that Pietro had shown her, you noticed how much she really liked him. You had never heard someone talk so highly of Pietro. Hell, you have never heard Yelena talk highly of anyone, ever. She didn’t outright say it, and you didn’t dare bring it up, but you could tell it was going to be really hard for her to leave. 

As much as you hated to admit it, so obviously you planned to take it to the grave, you were going to too.

It was that one thought that you let slip through the cracks that caused a mental avalanche. Flashes of you afternoon with Druig, all of the hurtful things he said and did when you were younger, him following you home, remembering you still have two more days with him, thoughts of what things could be like if you stayed…

Yelena never noticed how zoned out you got, but Pietro did.

He stood in the doorway, taking both of you off guard. “You’ve both been so lost in your own worlds, neither of you noticed me standing here for five minutes.”

“You’re an adult,” you stood up to take the boxes of pizza out of his hands, “you could have said something.”

“I figured one of you would have noticed the smell of pizza.”

Yelena opened the first box and looked disgusted, “Because this isn’t pizza. It’s buffalo chicken on pizza dough.”

“Ah but you said pizza dough, so you admit by default it's a pizza.” He replied to her in the flirtiest manner you had ever seen. He was absolutely smitten with her as well.

“You better have gotten something we like too.” You added for no other reason than to remind them you were still there.

The rest of the night flew by too quickly. After dinner the three of you went to the backyard, it was too nice not to enjoy it. The apartment you shared with Yelena didn’t have a yard of any kind, but at least it had a decent sized patio balcony. But even then your neighbors got really weird if you and, or Yelena were out there too late. Not weird like leaving passive aggressive notes on your front door or anything, you almost wished they did, but instead they would lean over the wall that separated you and would insert themselves in the middle of whatever you were doing.

That wasn’t something you weren’t used to though. Even though the distance between your childhood home and the neighbors was pretty spacious, that didn’t stop your friends from just showing up in your backyard. It didn’t matter if you were home or not, it never bothered you. 

It only bothered you when it stopped.

“I miss this place.” You whispered. You didn’t even realize you said it outloud until Pietro asked you to repeat yourself.

“I said there’s too much space.”

“That’s not what you said.” He accused, the gears clearly turning in his head. “What would it take to get you back here?”

You didn’t quite know what the right answer was, so you just said the only thing you knew for sure. “If Yelena isn’t a stone’s throw away from me then I might die. Do you want me to die, Pietro?”

“If that’s the case,” Yelena quickly added, “our lease is up soon. I wouldn’t mind moving here with you, I like it here.”

“You like a guy here, that’s not the same thing.”

“Don’t pretend that that’s not the same reason why you do and don’t want to move back.”

“Yele-”

“No,” she cut you off, “someone had to say it to you. Pietro said you liked him and I didn’t believe him until yesterday and again today. The way you talked about him I truly believed you hated him, but the way you look at him.. The way he looks at you! The way you talk to each other, even. Your parents even see it! He took you on a date, he quite literally told you he loves you! What’s holding you back?”

“It just feels like another set up!” You blurted out. “I feel like the second I admit how I feel, Druig and his friends are going to all come out of nowhere like we’re on an episode of Punk’d or something.”

“You couldn’t,” Pietro laughed out so hard he had to fight to catch his breath, “ahh, you’re hilarious.”

That didn’t do anything but annoy you. “Can you stop laughing at me and find your words?”

“I’m sorry,” he took a deep breath and wiped the tears from his eyes, “it’s just that you couldn’t be more wrong. Druig hasn’t hung out with that crown since we graduated, he only hangs out with me, Wanda, Bucky, and the guys at the shop. And your parents sometimes.”

“My parents?” They never mentioned him.

“We all do, we basically grew up in your backyard. They’ve always been like second parents to us. One more thing,” he moved from his seat to sit directly in front of you, “if he ever sets you up to look or feel stupid again, I’ll knock his teeth out.”

“Only if you beat me to it.” Yelena stood up, ready to defend your honor then and there.

Pietro stood again from his seat, sizing her up. “Is that a challenge?”

“Ew stop flirting in front of me,” you stood up too and told them you’d be leaving, “I got to go to Wanda’s to try on my dress. I’ll think about what you said on the way there, you two have fun and if I don’t see either of you before your mini road trip, please be safe!”

When you got to Wanda’s house it was slightly after 9pm and thankfully it was just her and Bucky. He seemed really nice, you understood almost immediately how Wanda had fallen in love so quickly. There was something about the way they were just so genuine with each other, you had never seen Wanda so happy with someone. You were so distracted by them that you almost forgot why you were there, the dress.

It was a floor length lavender dress with a short flutter sleeve, thankfully it wasn’t anything crazy. Somehow Wanda did indeed get the perfect fit. You hung it back in her closet for Saturday and went back into the living room so spend more time with the happy couple.

Throughout the night Bucky kept mentioning how he wished there was more time to get to know you better and how Wanda was so excited you were there. Neither one of them mentioned Druig. There was no way they didn’t know what happened earlier, and you’d be surprised if Pietro didn’t call Wanda the moment you left. Whatever they wanted to talk about, they weren’t going to initiate it. At least, not out right.

“You’ve never been so quiet.” Wanda stated. “Do you want to talk about something?”

“I can step out if you need some privacy.” Bucky added.

“No,” you told the both of them, “when I’m done processing I’ll let you know.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

~~

When you got to Wanda’s the next day neither her or Bucky were there like you hoped they’d be. It was just going to be you and Druig, who was already in the backyard, and you desperately wished Yelena would have taken pity on you and not go with Pietro. But you swore to her at least ten times the night before that she was fine and you could handle it.

You were wrong.

The tension could have been cut with a knife. You both tried to stay away from each other if you could, but when you couldn’t things were tense. It was obvious that he wanted to say something, he only spoke to you when it was necessary though.

After he would put a table in its designated spot you would go behind him and place the chairs. Since it was a small backyard wedding, the couple decided against the traditional seating for the ceremony and just have everyone sit at their designated table instead. Their backyard was big enough so no matter what it wouldn’t be too crowded.

When he was done you expected him to start the next project, but when you went to grab more chairs he was already bringing more your way. “You don’t have to help me.”

“But I want to.” You wanted to tell him that he can’t always get what he wants but you opted to just let him do what he wanted. 

When that was done two men started to bring back the pieces to the arch and put it together. The flowers were going to be delivered the next morning, so once you knew it was correctly assembled you snuck inside for a moment to yourself before the next project. 

All of the silence gave you time to actually think and process all that had come to light, and the longer you thought about it and really thought about what Pietro had said you knew you had to make a decision. 

There was no real point in going back home other than to get your things, the lease would be up in just over a month. You and Yelena were going to renew it when you got back but you had no obligation to do that. There was no doubt that your parents would let the both of you stay with them until you found a house close by. That was if Yelena didn’t move in with Pietro, which you would absolutely love and support. 

You and Yelena had talked about it some when you got back the night before, she told you that she didn’t expect to want to stay but she did. Admitting that you felt the same way was like admitting defeat at the end of the night you both agreed to think about it and talk about it again after the wedding.

If someone were to have told you the week before that you’d be back in your hometown, hanging out with Druig, thinking about moving back - you would have suggested they seek professional help. You never would have guessed that you’d be standing in the middle of Wanda and her future husband’s kitchen thinking about what to do about the Druig of it all.

“Hey,” he walked into the kitchen as if your thoughts of him summoned him there, “we just have to hang the lights around the trees and the arch. Did you want to take a break and order lunch?”

“Yeah that’s fine, get me whatever you’re getting. I’ve got cash.”

“Pizza good? And don’t worry about it, it’s a ‘thank you’ from the happy couple for all our hard work.” He pulled out his phone and put in the order. The two of you weren’t standing too close, but it felt like he was the center of gravity and was trying to pull you in. When he was done and walked out of the kitchen to the living room you followed, your younger self would have been disgusted.

Everything became too much at once, so many decisions were unofficially made at once and the only one you didn’t have a solution to was less than five feet away from you. Even though you knew how he felt and what he wanted, you didn’t know how to say out loud that you felt the same. It wasn’t even something you admitted out loud to your therapist.

“I’ve decided I’m moving back.” You tried to stop yourself, you really did, but the awkward silence was getting out of hand.

He looked at you like you had three heads, “What? When?”

You knew what he really wanted to ask. “Probably in a month. I haven’t told anyone yet, I just decided about 15 minutes ago honestly.” 

“Is Yelena moving too? Aren’t you two a packaged deal?” He leaned back in his seat, probably didn’t want to seem too eager or show how excited he was about your decision.

“Yes, well, kind of. She wants to move here too but I think her plans include Pietro more than they do me, which I’m totally fine with.” And you were, you wouldn’t have ever entertained the thought of moving anywhere if your best friend wasn’t going with you. Her having someone that makes her happy was more than worth it.

He smirked at your answer. “So Wanda and Bucky are getting married, Yelena and Pietro are going to be in a honeymoon phase of their own.. Where does that leave us?”

You knew he was going to bring it up eventually, you just hoped he would have waited until you unpacked your belongings first. “Why would there be an ‘us’?”

“We could be friends, we could be more, or we can just go back to ignoring each other. I just want to know so I can respect your boundaries.” He almost sounded sad, it surprised you how much it made your heart ache. 

That made you want to talk out everything then and there, but fate had other plans. The doorbell rang and Druig stood up to go get the food. After he got back and you were done eating you had no idea how to bring up the subject again. You convinced yourself that it was fine, that talking it over with Wanda and Yelena first would help you sort your thoughts.

The rest of the decorating went pretty quickly, some of the things had to be done the next day so you volunteered to get up early and do those since you’d be spending the night at Wanda’s anyway.

Since the guest list was so small, Wanda and Bucky decided to pick one friend each to be their maid of honor and best man. Neither of them wanted to do anything crazy for their bachelor/ bachelorette parties either. Bucky and Druig were going to spend the night at Pietro’s doing whatever Bucky decided he wanted to do, and you and Yelena were staying with Wanda to have a spa/ movie night. 

It was there, while the three of you were applying your mud masks, that you told them your decision. “So unless Druig opened his mouth and told you before I got to, I’m-”

“Finally dating Druig?!” Wanda interrupted, a little too excited.

“Ugh you too?” You threw yourself backwards on her living room floor. “No, I wanted to be the first to tell you and Yelena and I are moving back here next month.”

“WHAT?” She jumped from her stop on the couch and onto you. “This is the best wedding present ever! I can’t believe you’re coming back.”

“You’re crushing me, get off.” You laughed half seriously. 

She got off of you and went to hug Yelena, “I’m so excited for us to spend more time together.”

“Me too.” Yelena smiled. You once worried about the possibility of them not getting along, so you were overjoyed that they had a bond separate from you.

The later it got and the more wine you drank, you felt more comfortable talking about the subject everyone (even your parents) wanted you to talk about: Druig.

“Are you going to date him?”

“Are you going to take it slow?”

“Is he a good kisser?”

“Does this mean we can do couples vacations now?”

“I bet you two are going to be the couple that is just obsessed with each other, but in a cute way.”

“Can you two let me decide my feelings first before you plan my wedding?” You didn’t even blame them for their questions and comments, there was a part of you that wanted to fully let loose and talk about how you’ve had a crush on him for as long as you could remember, but there was also a part of you that didn’t want to celebrate too soon.

“Decide??” Wanda emphasized dramatically, “Are you going to look at me in my face and pretend you’re not in love with him?”

Yelena was right behind her. “And he’s even told me he’s in love with you, too. So why aren’t you two together yet?”

“Because…”

“OH! I have an idea!” Wanda yelled and ran to her bedroom. When she came back she had your phone in her hand with Druig’s contact information open. “Call him and tell him how you feel.”

“No, this night is supposed to be about you. You call Bucky and gush to him about how much you love him.” She rolled her eyes at your comment and looked for Yelena to back her up.

To your surprise she actually backed you up. Well, technically. “No, Pietro sent a voice memo earlier and they’re all very drunk. A text might work though.” 

“Or, and really hear me when I say this,” you suggested after finishing off another bottle, “I could just wait until after the wedding. That way you and Bucky can have your day and I can procrastinate this a little longer.”

“Ugh, fine. I’ve just been waiting for this since high school, seeing two of my best friends happy. Not pretending they hate each other anymore. I’m just so happy for you.” Wanda was drunk but you knew she meant every word she said.

For years she was in the middle of you and his hostility, even though you did everything you could so that she didn’t have to. You never badmouthed him to her, or even Pietro, but you knew they weren’t unaware it was happening. They knew it was something they couldn’t fix, but at the end of the day you were their friend and seeing you hurt, hurt them. 

“No Wands, I’m happy for you.” With that, the three of you called it a night. The morning would be there before you knew it.

~~

You woke up before anyone else and decided it was your job as maid of honor to make sure Wanda was taken care of until it was officially Bucky’s duty. There was no way you would be able to do that without caffeine so you pulled out your phone and ordered coffee and breakfast for the three of you before the flowers were scheduled to be delivered. 

Yelena was the next to wake up. The two of you sat on the porch and talked about your plans for the move before Wanda woke up.

“So were you thinking about moving in with Pietro?” You got straight to the point, just like she had with you.

She looked at you in disbelief. “We just made things official, I need at least a year to get used to being so close to him before I think about that. You know how I am. Besides, I’m not ready for us to not be roommates yet. That’s too much change at once.”

You jokingly threw your head back and laughed, “Oh thank god, I feel the same way! About wanting to still be roommates and too much change. I feel like I’m going to make a mistake somehow.”

“Me too. But this feels like a step in a positive direction.” She put her hand in yours. “We’ve outgrown our apartment.”

“Yes, so naturally the next move is my parents house. I love that for us.” You said sarcastically.

That snapped her back to reality. “We’re looking for a place the minute we get on the train. I love your parents but I can’t be a recluse there, I need that time to myself or I’ll go insane.”

“Oh you don’t have to tell me twice, I fell asleep looking at places last night.”

The front door opened and a sleepy Wanda walked out, “Did anyone make coffee?”

“No,” you laughed at how well you knew her, “but in one minute a delivery driver will be here with some.”

She sat on the other side of you and rested her head on your shoulder, “You’re the best.”

Just like you predicted, a car had pulled up and a delivery boy stepped out with your breakfast. You nudged Wanda’s head with the shoulder she was leaning on so you could get up, “I know.”

From there the morning got unexpectedly chaotic. The flowers got delivered thirty minutes late and the person who was supposed to help you arrange them had apparently called out, so you spent longer than planned getting them all in their proper arrangements on each table and around the arch.

Time wise everything seemed to work itself out in the end. Wanda and Yelena were showered by the time you were done, but only just, meaning you would have been waiting for your turn anyways. To your surprise there was just enough hot water left for you to get through the shower, it only got cold at the very end.

When you stepped out of the bathroom you were faced with a new set of problems. Wanda’s blow dryer broke when she was almost done, leaving you and Yelena with wet hair and the risk of frizz.

“Let me make a call, y’all just start on make up.” You excused yourself and called the first person you thought of. “Druig?”

“Good afternoon, sunshine. I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.”

You got so distracted with his flirting you almost forgot why you called. “I need a favor, are you busy?”

“I could never be too busy for you.”

You knew he could tell you were smiling by the sound of your voice. “Can you go over to my house and get my hair dryer? Wanda’s broke?”

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

You thanked him and walked back to the guest bedroom to find more appropriate clothes. The last thing you needed was for him to see you in a towel, he would have found a way to bring it up the rest of the day.

When you went to check on Wanda and Yelena things finally seemed to be going smoothly. Yelena had never worn much makeup so she finished up pretty quickly. Wanda’s makeup style always depended on the occasion, and for her wedding she went for more of a non-makeup look. Her foundation was light and dewy while her eyes had a natural look to them. You had just got done helping her apply a set of very subtle eyelashes when you heard a knock at the door. “Be right back, y’all figure out what you’re doing with your hair.”

The walk to Wanda’s front door felt like it took ages to get to and once you got there you had to work up the courage to open it, but eventually you found it. “Hey, thank you again. I owe you one.”

“It’s no big deal.” He handed you the blow dryer and you ran it to the girls before joining him back on the porch. “Shouldn’t you be joining them?”

“They can wait.” You purposely stood a little too close to him, but not close enough for his gravity to pull you in again. Not fully at least. “I need to tell you something.”

It took all of his restraint not to close the gap between you. “You can tell me anything.”

“I’m sorry about the other day, I was feeling a lot of things at once and I reacted badly.”

That wasn’t what he was expecting you to say but he appreciated it all the same. “No, that was my bad, I threw too much at you at once.”

“No, it was beautiful, really.” You reassured him, “I’ve got to go, but meet me here after the ceremony, okay? There’s something else we need to talk about.”

He agreed, but before he left you both took a half step forward. You leaned your head in quicker than he did and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He smiled his signature half smile and walked back to his bike, “That just told me all I needed to know, darling. I’ll see you soon.”

You smiled and went back inside before Wanda and Yelena got curious, the last thing you needed was to get thrown off schedule right as you had caught up.

When you walked back in, Wanda was curling her hair while Yelena was almost done blow drying hers. They were so caught up in the excitement that they never questioned who had dropped the blow dryer off and why you took a few minutes to come back in, not that you had a problem with that at all.

You had just finished your hair and make up when the caterers arrived, thankfully all you had to do was unlock the door. There was still an hour before the ceremony was scheduled to begin and even though Wanda’s dress wasn’t anything super extravagant, it had probably about one hundred buttons in the back and it took you a little longer than you anticipated. Yelena had taken pity on you and helped you out, giving you just enough time to get dressed before guests and the guys arrived.

“Alright, Pietro texted they should be here in two minutes. I’m going to make sure Bucky stays out back. You,” you pointed to Wanda, “stay away from the kitchen windows, I won’t have him sneaking a peek.”

“Aye, aye captain.” Her smile was so wide, she was barely able to contain her excitement. 

Everything after that was a blur.

The guys ended up arriving before the guests. You supervised Druig and Bucky while they showed everyone to their seats and Pietro joined Yelena in making sure Wanda didn’t get impatient. At least that’s the reason he gave, you were sure he selfishly (yet understandably) wanted to be close to Yelena. Druig tried doing the same with you a few times but you kept finding opportunities to slip away before he got too close, not for any reason other than to watch him get worked up.

When it was time for Wanda to walk down the aisle everyone was in their designated seats, leaving you, Druig, Bucky and his other best friend Steve at the altar. You didn’t get a chance to talk to Steve much but according to Bucky they were basically brothers and he couldn’t imagine anyone else officiating his and Wanda’s wedding. 

The vows were short and sweet but they still managed to leave everyone in tears, they had nothing but love and fondness for each other and everyone felt it. When Wanda talked about falling in love with Bucky, you felt a pair of eyes on you. You tried to keep your attention on her, but Druig’s orbit had pulled you in again. In what felt like no time at all, Steve had declared them Mr. and Mrs. Barnes and instructed them to kiss.

You and Druig followed their lead as they walked back up the aisle and into the house. The plan was for the wedding party to get their food and drinks and join everyone else back outside, Wanda wanted to wait to take pictures during the golden hour before sunset. It had always been her favorite time of day so you weren’t surprised.

“Hey,” you pulled her to the living room, “is it okay if me and Druig step out front for a few minutes?”

She practically shoved you out of the door. “Finally! I don’t care, as long as you're back for pictures.”

When it was just you and him again you felt nervous, like you weren’t in the same situation with him just hours before.

“So,” he started, “what did you want to talk about?”

He stood so close you almost forgot what you wanted to say.

 “Us.” It came out as a whisper.

“Oh so there is an ‘us’?” He brought his face closer to yours, his voice lower than it was before, “Do tell me sweetheart, does this mean you won’t run away after I kiss you?”

“I guess there’s only one way to find out.”

He didn’t take the bait, which you were secretly thankful for. If he did, you two probably would have missed the rest of the party, and even if Wanda and Bucky would have understood you would have never forgiven yourself. “We can save that for later, we only have about ten minutes before we need to get back.”

You tried to suppress a laugh and failed, “You’re such an ass, you just want to hear me talk.”

“I do love hearing your voice.” He admitted.

“Stop flirting!” You gently pushed him back so you could focus better, “I know this is technically new, we haven’t even had a proper conversation about us yet but I’ve known how I’ve felt about you for my whole life. I hate that we spent so many years at each other’s necks and I’m sorry the only way for me to cope was leaving. I know moving back won’t make up for the years I was gone, but I’m hoping we can make up for lost time now.”

He took a moment to let your words sink in. You didn’t know it then, but he had half expected you to tell him you just wanted to be friends (which he would have been more than okay with). So when you all but told him you love him, he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or not.

“When do you move back?”

You weren’t expecting him to ask that, but answered him anyway. “We have about a month to get all of our things out, so I guess it depends on how fast we pack. Why?”

He grabbed your hands and pulled you into his chest, “Me and Pietro were talking about flying out to help you and Yelena pack, wanted to see if that would be okay with you first.”

“What?” You smiled at him, “Can’t go a few weeks without me?”

“I just got you back, I’ll go mad missing you.” You wanted to kick yourself for thinking his feelings weren’t genuine.

“Would you judge me for feeling the same?”

“Never.” He leaned in to seal the deal with a kiss, and you would have let him if Pietro hadn’t barreled through the door.

“I know you two are having a moment and I hate to be the one to kill it, I really do, but we can’t wait anymore.”

“Right behind you.” You and Druig walked behind him, hand in hand, to the back yard.

The rest of the night was perfect. You got to witness one of your best friends marry the love of her life, and as an added bonus you got to watch the beginning of Yelena and Pietro’s love story.

Your parents were over the moon when you told them about you moving back, but that was nothing compared to the news about you and Druig. As it so happened, they had been planning your wedding with him since you were kids. Yelena took one for the team and asked them about temporary living arrangements.

Druig took the opportunity to talk to you alone one last time before the night had to end. “You’re not going to get on that train and never talk to me again are you?”

He was mostly kidding but you could tell a part of him meant it. “Not this time, you can get up early and take the journey with me just to make sure if you want.”

“Don’t tempt me.” He held you close, anyone who paid attention would have thought you were swaying with the music. “I’m really glad this weekend turned out the way it did.”

“I am too.” You knew then that you were finally whole again. Everyone you had ever loved were going to be in the same place. The same place that broke your heart and it was put back together again. It felt like the universe gave you a second chance to have the life you always wanted and nothing, not even yourself, was going to get in the way of it happening. 

@stuckonjbbarnes @buckyssoldat

#druig x reader #druig x f!reader #friends to enemies to lovers #angst with a happy ending #marvel #mcu fanfic

[callsignlucky]

talk to me, lucky (part 1)

summary: You're Maverick’s kid. You’re also Bradley Bradshaw’s best friend—or at least, you were. What lies between you two now is uncharted territory.

pairing: bradley "rooster" bradshaw/mitchell!reader

a/n: good morning aviators and welcome to my top gun brain rot. i liked this enough i decided to post it, its short and sweet (at least some of it is sweet), feedback would be greatly appreciated! i'm planning a few parts for this and it will remain in first person. your callsign is LUCKY. this also cross-posted on ao3 if that strikes anyone's fancy. (1.5k)

part 2 ->

My memories of Rooster started before he was Rooster. 

Back then, he was just Bradley.

He was three when I was born, and according to my parents and Aunt Carole, he loathed me. We’re talking as much hate as a shaggy, blonde-haired three year old could muster. Refused to even look at me, detested when my father showed me the slightest amount of attention, and if Aunt Carole doted on me in the slightest, it was tummy to the ground fists on the carpet full-blown tantrum. 

Of course, that lasted all about a month. After he got over the fact that he had to share the attention of the various grown ups in our lives, I had Bradley Bradshaw wrapped around my finger and it had been that way ever since. 

We grew up together, three years apart yes but always attached at the hip. When I started walking, I stumbled my way over to Bradley on Christmas Day instead of into my father’s open arms. 

When I lost my first tooth, Bradley was the first one I told, and we used the two dollars the tooth fairy left me to share an ice cream cone on the swing set in the backyard. 

When Bradley started baseball, I insisted on being at every game, and no matter how long they lasted or how far away they were, I sat through each one and cheered for him louder than everyone. 

Middle school started, and my second week of fourth grade, my mom died. Freak car accident, completely out of the blue, and Bradley—a sixth grader at the time but never too cool for me—was by my side through the entirety of it. He had experience in this area with Uncle Goose’s death, and despite him not remembering much, he knew the pain of waking up in the morning expecting both of your parents to be there, and then walking downstairs to find just the one. It was okay though—like Dad had stepped in to try to fill the role Uncle Goose left behind, Aunt Carole did the same with Mom. It was never really the same though, and everyone knew it. 

Middle school melted into high school, where Bradley was a junior and I was a freshman. I was fully expecting the silent treatment on my first day, but Bradley intercepted me in the main hall after breaking away from his baseball friends and gave me a guided tour of the school before walking me to class. He kept up that morning tradition every day for the two years we went to high school together—he’d pick me up in his inherited Ford Bronco, we’d go get coffee and bagels, and he’d walk me to class. 

After Bradley’s graduation ceremony was completed and all the friends and family had congregated outside, I waited anxiously for him between Dad and Aunt Carole. I saw a flash of blue and white before I was wrapped up in Bradley’s arms, squealing with delight as he hugged me tight and spun me around. One hand clutched the hem of my dress to keep myself decent while the other wrapped around his neck, and his smile was breathless as he shook his diploma excitedly in the air and credited his graduation on the hours I spent tutoring him in history. He was so handsome and so happy at that moment and I think that was the first time I really saw Bradley as something other than my best friend. 

Those feelings only got worse during my junior year, when Bradley was visiting home for the fall.

Autumn in California was just like a really tame summer, and Bradley had really become a man in his two years of college. I hadn’t really noticed it before, or maybe I just wasn’t paying attention, or maybe it was the fact that, despite my father’s best efforts, I’d finally discovered boys. Either way, I could’ve died of heat stroke that afternoon when Bradley thought it would be fun to have a pool day with my dad and his mom. I insisted on studying instead of swimming, but my ability to focus on any textbook dissolved as soon as Bradley took off his shirt and dove into our pool. That night, I scolded myself for the thoughts that passed my mind, even though I’d asked Aunt Carole about them (leaving out they were about her son, obviously) and she’d said they were completely normal to have for a girl my age and to not be ashamed. But I was ashamed, because this wasn’t some boy, this was Bradley. My best friend since before I could even walk. 

My graduation came along, and Bradley had made a special trip to surprise me for it. It was his first year in the Navy and Dad and Aunt Carole had lied to me, telling me he couldn’t get out of a deployment to attend. I was beyond crushed, until before the ceremony, when my best friend Fallon got my attention and I saw Bradley in the gym’s double doors, dressed in his dress whites and smiling at me like I hung the damn moon. I can’t remember ever being that excited as I ran across the gym in the stupid heels they’d made us wear, practically leaping into his arms and knocking his hat right off his head. The yearbook editor managed to snap a photo of our interaction, and it was the biggest one on the graduation spread. 

It wasn’t long after my graduation that everything fell apart.

Aunt Carole had been sick for a while, and died two months later. Dad donned his dress whites for the second time in the same year, and it rained for the first time in California since I was sixteen. I held Bradley’s hand the entire time, just like he’d held mine when we laid my mother to rest. He had stayed stoic during the service, up until the moment before they took his mother’s body away to transport to the cemetery. I let go of Bradley’s hand long enough to say goodbye to the woman who’d stepped up when I needed her most and guided me through my formative years. I kissed her on the forehead, and tucked a little stuffed goose into her casket. When I turned back to Bradley, he had lost his composure, and the rest of the funeral attendees had to wait twenty minutes for us to arrive at the cemetery so they could put Aunt Carole in the ground next to her husband, the father Bradley barely knew. 

Two months later, Bradley and my father’s relationship crumbled. Dad made a promise that was completely unfair to Bradley, and as a result he had his papers pulled from the Naval Aviation Academy. Dad would’ve never told Bradley his mother had asked him to do that, it would’ve destroyed him, so he took all the blame. And to be truthful, Dad was selfish in doing it too. I knew what had happened to Uncle Goose. I knew how close he and Dad and Uncle Ice were, I knew how hard it was when the accident in the air took Uncle Goose’s life. Dad hadn’t let go or forgiven himself for it since it happened, despite it not being his fault. I knew he couldn’t bear the thought of losing Bradley in the same way he lost his best friend, and he was more than willing to let Bradley hate him forever so long as he was alive to do it. I remember the sound of the front door slamming the last time I saw Bradley. I was nineteen years old, halfway through my first year in college, and I watched from the bay window in my bedroom as Bradley peeled out of our driveway in his father’s old Bronco. 

What my father didn’t understand was that we’d just lost Bradley, and he wasn’t even dead. That’s what made it hurt worse. 

As I stood frozen to my spot in Penny Benjamin's bar in North Island, my eyes upon Bradley Bradshaw for the first time since he’d stormed out of our lives ten years ago, those memories flooded back in. 

He wasn’t Bradley anymore, he was Lieutenant Bradley Bradshaw, callsign Rooster, and the sentiment of it had my heart twisting. He was here for the same deployment I was, he was a pilot, the same as I was—he was a Lieutenant, the same as I was. We weren’t children anymore, but as I watched him catch sight of me and pull his aviators off his face, I couldn’t help the teenage to young adult anger of those years I spent without him fill me to my core. Even worse, he sauntered up to me without hesitation, like he hadn’t abandoned me because of something my father did. 

He was all smiles and I couldn’t help it. With my father across the bar no doubt watching our every move and our new team standing within spitting distance, six pilots whose respect and trust we needed to earn before our mission in three weeks, I raised my hand and slapped Bradley Bradshaw across the face. 

#bradley bradshaw x reader #rooster bradshaw #top gun #rooster top gun #top gun maverick #bradley bradshaw #rooster/reader #jake hangman seresin #tom iceman kazansky #penny benjamin #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw/reader #bradley bradshaw x female reader #bradley bradshaw/reader #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #mavdad #pete mitchell #pete maverick mitchell

[raaorqtpbpdy]

Respect or Privacy (1)

Tucker is excited for everything about college, even having a roommate for the first time. At least, he is until his roommate Danny turns out to be standoffish and a little bit of a dick. Whatever. It's a disappointment, but he'll survive. The same might not be said of Danny.

This is my first fic for Phic Phight 2024. The prompts I used were:

College AU where the characters don't meet until college and Danny has to hide his halfa status from his dorm roommate (your choice which character that is) [from @shadowfaerieammy], and Tucker fucked up. Hard. But it’s like, how the hell was he supposed to know that hacking the federal government was a bad idea? [from @lexosaurus]

You can also read it on AO3.

Chapter 1: Fuck Around (Chapter 2)

[No warnings apply]

Tucker was excited for college. After the nightmare that was high school (his dad's "just be confident and people will like you and treat you well" advice had been complete garbage), he was looking forward to a school experience where everyone had actually signed up for and more-or-less wanted to be there. He was looking forward to studying programming and information technology, and spending six hours a day on average hanging out with people who were just as interested in those subjects as he was.

Then, obviously, there were the college girls—big bonus to this whole experience. Lastly, he was looking forward to the dorm experience. He'd always been kind of lonely growing up. He was an only child, and he'd never had any close friends. Honestly, he'd been closer with his bullies than he had been to the other guys in the A/V club his mom had convinced him to join which was... embarrassing.

But all freshman were required to live on campus, and he'd signed up for a double room, meaning that he would have a roommate who would have no choice but to spend time with him, and as a result, they would have to get used to each other, and learn to live with each other, and inevitably become best friends—at least until the end of freshman year.

When Tucker reached his new dorm, room 416, he could hear grumbling and shuffling on the other side of the door. His roommate must already be here. He grinned as he opened the door.

"Hey, roomie!" Tucker greeted cheerfully.

His roommate jumped at the sound, and slammed a dresser drawer closed on his finger. "Fuck!" he yelped, and turned around with a wide-eyed look on his face like he'd just been caught doing something illegal.

"Uh... sorry," Tucker said. "Didn't mean to spook ya."

"Heh, you didn't... I mean you surprised me, but I wasn't like... scared...." He cleared his throat and gave Tucker an awkward forced smile. "I'm Danny."

"Tucker Foley." Tucker tossed his duffel bag onto the empty bed and gently placed his box of tech on the desk next to it. "Looked like you were struggling with that drawer, whatcha got in there?"

Danny's smile fell. "Look, I don't wanna sour our relationship right out of the gate, but that's really none of your business. I would appreciate it if you kept your nose out of my stuff."

"Uh... okay, sure," Tucker agreed. "Wasn't trying to be nosy or anything, anyway. Sorry."

"Good," Danny said, the tension in his body language easing slightly. "As long as you respect my privacy, I think we'll get along fine."

Tucker smiled, but he felt his heart sink. 'Respect my privacy' sounded a lot like it meant 'leave me alone', and 'leave me alone' was pretty much the same as 'I don't want to be your friend', which sounded a lot like all Tucker's hopes for dorm life flushing down the toilet.

"So where're you from, Danny?" Tucker asked. "Or is that information too personal."

Danny paused before answering, like he was genuinely trying to decide if it was too personal or not.

"Illinois," he said finally. "You?"

"Illinois, also. What town?" Tucker asked. "Man, wouldn't it be wild if we grew up in the same place and never met before? I'm from Elmerton."

"Elmerton? Ew," Danny said with a laugh. "I'm an Amity Parker. I'd rather die than live in Elmerton. Elmerton sucks."

"Hey! It may be kinda boring, I'll give you that much, but it's still better than haunted-ass Amity Park!" Tucker argued, thankful it seemed like things were starting to lighten up a bit between him and his new roommate. "At least I didn't grow up surrounded by a bunch of evil ghosts taking revenge on the living."

Tucker was laughing, but just like that, Danny's demeanor got cold and closed off again. Shit. Tucker let his laughter awkwardly trail off, wondering what he'd said wrong. Man, making friends was even harder than he thought.

"Is that all your stuff?" Danny asked. "Just the one bag and a cardboard box?"

"Oh! No! I still have some things to bring up; I left them with the dorm supervisor. I better go get 'em."

"Yeah, you probably should," Danny agreed. "I wouldn't put that much trust in the dorm supervisor, he seemed kinda shady."

"Er... right."

Tucker went down to grab the last of his stuff, and by the time he reentered the dorm room, Danny was gone.

He sighed. "Great first impression, Tuck. Well done."

Danny must've arrive much earlier in the day than Tucker had, because most of his stuff was already unpacked. His bed was made and everything. As Tucker's eyes wandered over Danny's side of the room, they were drawn to the bottom drawer of his dresser, the one he'd accidentally slammed his finger in, trying to make sure Tucker didn't see what was in it.

"I shouldn't," he said out loud. "Danny literally asked for one thing—that I respect his privacy."

Poking around now would be completely stupid. It would ruin my chances of ever being friends with him. Tucker reminded himself internally.

Still, he couldn't tear his eyes away from that drawer.

And he doubted Danny would be back any time soon. It wouldn't be dark for a few more hours at least, and Danny was clearly avoiding him.

Against his better judgement, Tucker knelt down on the floor and opened the dresser drawer, expecting to see sex toys, or lingerie, or something similarly embarrassing. Instead, he found strange, futuristic looking weapons and technology. It looked like alien shit. Was Danny secretly an alien? No, that was stupid.... Right?

Tucker slowly pushed the drawer closed again, questioning everything he knew about the universe.

He would have preferred sex toys.

No, they had to be earthly technology, because Tucker distinctly remembered seeing a logo emblazoned on everything that said 'Fenton Works'. All he had to do was look that up online and put his mind at ease. Danny seemed like a... fairly reasonably guy. There had to be a good explanation for him having a cache of high tech weapons in a college dorm. Although, to be honest, it wasn't looking too good at the moment.

Tucker unpacked his box of tech, set up his desktop PC set up and plugged in his laptop and PDA to charge. Then, he looked up Fenton Works, which brought him to an absolutely hideous orange and teal website for what seemed to be a small family business in Amity Park that specialized in ghost hunting and developing ghost hunting technology.

A sigh of relief escaped him.

Danny definitely wasn't an alien. He was just another paranoid Amity Parker, worried about ghosts attacking, even though they were all the way in Wisconsin. That was probably why he'd tensed up when Tucker made a crack about ghosts before. Tucker's dad sometimes went to Amity Park for work, and he said they were super serious about ghosts there, and didn't appreciate jokes about their haunting situation. Honestly, Tucker should have known better from the start, but he'd thought they were riffing. He hadn't gotten all offended when Danny made fun of Elmerton.

Whatever. He could apologize when Danny got back. In the meantime, he started programming his class schedule for this semester into his PDA, making sure there would be room for homework—and, more importantly, college parties.

As the days passed and classes started and the two of them both got busier, Tucker made an effort to talk to Danny as much as possible, and even though Danny smiled and responded politely, he always dodged any personal topics. Also, Tucker was pretty sure he was avoiding spending more time together than was strictly necessary, but he couldn't be sure. Still, he was determined for he and Danny to be friends.

"So Danny, I heard about this party one of the frats is hosting to draw in pledges," Tucker said. "Obviously I'm not planning to join a frat, but it could still be fun. Wanna come with me?"

"Uh... I'm not really a party person," Danny said apologetically. "I'm more of a bed person, enjoyer of sleeping and chilling."

"I get that, sure, but don't you want to meet people? Make friends? Maybe find a girlfriend? Or boyfriend, I don't judge."

"Thanks, but no thanks," Danny refused. "You have fun, though."

Tucker left it at that, but he couldn't help wondering what exactly was up with Danny being so standoffish. Did he have a problem with Tucker in particular, or was he just anti-social? It wasn't exactly unusual for someone not to want to go to a party. It could be that he didn't like crowds, or loud music, or being around drunk people, or frats in general. There were plenty of reasons Danny might not want to go—and no evidence that Tucker was part of the reason at all.

That didn't stop Tucker from wondering if he was.

That trend continued for the first month. Tucker would invite Danny to do something as friends, and Danny would decline for one reason or another, no matter what it was Tucker had proposed. Everything from parties in the dorm, to just going to get coffee or tea before classes, whether it was loud or quiet, crowded or solitary—even going to study at the library in silence, Danny always had a reason to say 'no', and Tucker was starting to take it personally.

"Okay, what's your deal?" Tucker demanded after Danny once again refused to join him, this time for literally just takeout in their dorm room—Tuck had offered to pay and everything. "Do you have some kind of problem with me, or something? I just want us to get along and shit, 'cause we're roommates, and we have to live with each other all year, but you keep shutting me down! So what gives?!"

"Nothing," Danny insisted. "Honestly, I'm just not hungry."

"Yeah, this time you're not hungry, but you refused laser tag 'cause you're not very athletic, and studying at the library 'cause you had other plans with your classmates, and coffee before class 'cause you don't drink coffee—even though I've literally seen you drinking coffee before!" Tucker snapped. "Dude, it's ten pm, and you haven't eaten since breakfast, you can't not be hungry, so what's wrong with you?!"

Danny flinched at the question, but Tucker couldn't feel too bad for mildly offending the guy who'd been blowing him off all month.

"Nothing," Danny said again, not meeting Tucker's angry gaze. "I'm just... I'm just a regular, ordinary guy. So go ahead and order takeout if you care so much, I'm not gonna stop you."

"No. That's not good enough," Tucker insisted. "I been trying to hang with you since we moved in, and you keep blowing me off for no good reason. So what's the issue? Is it 'cause I'm black?"

"What?! No!"

"Then what?! Give me one good reason why you're treating me this way?"

"Look, it's not about you, okay?"

"Oh, you're gonna pull out an 'it's not you, it's me'? I'm not your overbearing girlfriend, I'm your roommate, and all I wanted to do was get along."

"I don't want any friends, okay?!" Danny finally burst out. "I don't have any problem with you, I just... I just think I'm better off on my own."

All Tucker could do was stare in disbelief.

"I made up excuses because I didn't want to offend you or anything, because I didn't want us to be on bad terms," Danny continued. "We're still roommates. I know that, and I'm not so stupid that I wanted to torch that relationship right out of the gate, but I'm not looking for someone to be best friends with, you know? All I wanted from a roommate was mutual respect and privacy."

"Why?" asked Tucker at length.

"What do you mean 'why'?"

"I mean, why do you want to be alone all the time?" Tucker pressed. "I been there, and it sucks. It's lonely and sad and pathetic and people make fun of you for being some kind of defective human being who can't get anyone lo like you. Why would you want that?"

"I like my solitude," Danny mumbled. He was back to not being able to look at Tucker again.

"You're afraid," Tucker refuted.

"What makes you say that?"

"It's obvious," Tucker said. "I don't know why, but for some reason you're just fucking terrified of people getting close to you? So what is it? Are you terminally ill or something? Do you secretly just have a totally shitty personality? What?"

For a long moment, Danny was silent, but he did tilt his head up to look Tucker squarely in the eye before speaking.

"That's none of your business."

Tucker's forehead wrinkled and his mouth fell open incredulously. Slowly, he shook his head. "Fuckin' fine. Whatever," he said finally. "You want a roommate who'll leave you alone—you got it. But mutual respect is off the table, 'cause you just lost mine."

#dp #danny phantom #danny fenton #fic #tucker foley #things i wrote #phic phight 24 #phic phight #angst #college au #no one knows au #respect or privacy

[call-me-eds]

Jasper Avenue

Masterlist

Part 2 is here!

Eddie x Reader Angst

Eddie broke up with you before you went off to school and is still in Hawkins. You've been trying to move on from each other, but you're alone, drunk, with a cell phone, and have his number memorized.

TW: Drinking, angst

“You’re sure you can make it home by yourself?” your friend asked. You smiled at her and nodded, even though you weren’t completely confident you could pass a sobriety test at the moment. She looked at her boyfriend, whose frat house you were currently in, and he helped you up from the couch.

“Take my phone, okay?” she said, pushing the large brick into both of your hands, ensuring you wouldn’t drop it.

“We can really just walk you back to the dorm, it’s no big deal.” She really had found herself a great boyfriend after only two months at college. Which means it had been two months and one week since Eddie broke up with you.

He claimed that he was ‘setting you free’. He had graduated, but wasn’t going to college, and had gotten it in his head that it wouldn’t be fair to you to go into your freshman year ‘tied down’, whatever that meant. You had fought for him, feeling a little desperate as you gripped onto his t-shirt and begged him not to do this. You wanted to be with him, you didn’t care about anyone else you were going to meet. He wouldn’t hear it. 

“I am going to be fine, it’s two blocks,” you promised them, expertly opening the front door on the first try. “See?” you grinned. You walked down the front steps without looking back, unable to look at her being held so tenderly for a second longer. 

Just a minute into your walk, you grew bored. There was no more music playing around you —Eddie would have hated the music that played at the college parties you got in the habit of attending—or cup in your hand to occupy your fidgeting. You did have the phone, though.

Eddie had just gotten into bed after a particularly late campaign strategy meeting with Dustin. He was passing the torch of Hellfire Club President, but was making sure his successor was completely ready. Just as he closed his eyes, the phone rang with no regard for the stinging of his tired eyes. He took a deep breath before pushing himself out of bed. He wasn’t in a position to ignore phone calls, these days, needing every bit of money that came through his backwoods deals.

“Hello?” he mumbled.

“Eddie?” you gasped, shocked even though you had dialed the number. Eddie pinched his arm, making sure he wasn’t hallucinating your voice.

“Y/N? What’s wrong, where are you?” You looked up at the street sign you were leaning against.

“Jasper Avenue,” you told him. “Guess what, a girl on my floor has a cell phone. I’m calling you while walking around, Ed, I feel so rich.” Eddie knew that voice. It was the same one that had apologized for getting sick on his new sneakers and that confessed you actually had no clue what the difference between an ogre and a troll was. 

“You’re drunk. Are you safe? Who are you with?” he asked, trying not to focus on why you decided that he was the person you wanted to talk to tonight.

It had been a month since you last spoke to Eddie. Well, he spoke to you. Not even on the phone, through a letter. A letter. You gave him your dorm address as soon as you got it, because that was when you were still together. When a box came to the mailroom for you, you assumed it was from your mother, but you knew the handwriting on the box within a second. It was a real bonding moment for you and your roommate while she watched you cry unpacking the clothes Eddie had sent you that you left at his house. 

“I’m almost back to my room,” you told him. “You would like it, Eddie, I have a view of a courtyard and there are these boys on the floor below me who listen to your kind of music.” 

“Yeah?” he asked, swallowing dryly. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say to that, or to you. His letter was so formal, it hurt you to read just as much as it hurt him to write. You weren’t a business associate, you were the first girl he loved.

“Sorry, you probably don’t want to hear anything about this place. It’s my fresh start, not yours,” you quoted him bitterly. Your tone was changing from carefree to angry, and Eddie was unprepared for it all. He wasn’t expecting to have this conversation with you tonight, or ever. 

“Of course I do. I miss you,” he sighed, too tired to filter himself and hoping you wouldn’t remember calling him, nonetheless what he said to you.

“Don’t say that,” you snapped. “You’re not allowed to miss me, you’re the one that left me.” He had bet that you would have forgotten about him after being away for a week, which was hardly the case. Sure, you had kissed a boy or two with familiar dark hair on the dancefloor, but no one made it under the sheets of your lofted twin bed.

“Come on, Y/N, don’t say that. You’re in a completely new world, I’m the one still in Hawkins,” he reminded you.

“And whose fault is that?” you asked, the dam breaking open without anything to slow it down.. “Shit, Eddie, I miss you so much. Your stupid jokes and your laugh and just everything. I am so alone here, there’s no one that actually knows me. You were the only one, and now I can’t even talk to you.” You weren’t crying, you weren’t a tearful drunk, but Eddie was trying his best to hold it together.

He twisted the phone cord around his finger with half a mind to rip it out of the wall so he could pretend he lost service. He wasn’t good with navigating the complicated emotions, it was part of the reason he broke up with you in the first place.

Eddie knew you would never cheat on him, and he would wait for you forever. He could never ask you to stay with him while you went off to school and leave one foot in Hawkins, though. He wouldn’t do that to you. Your weekends would become bus rides home because he couldn’t take any time off of work. Instead of hanging out with the girls in your dorm you would be on the phone with him. Eddie wasn’t so obsessed with himself that he thought you would sacrifice your college experience for him, he just knew you wouldn’t leave him behind.

“You can always talk to me,” he said, the guilt that he thought was dissipating coming back with a vengeance.

“I thought that, too, but I wouldn’t want you to run away again.” Leaving you in your bedroom while you tried to bargain with him to stay and just talk about this left him feeling the lowest he had since he met you. 

“You’re being mean,” he frowned, hating that he had contributed to your feeling like this. Even though hearing your voice was filling the self-inflicted hole in his heart, he could barely stand to take the anger you were spitting. “Listen, are you almost back to your room?”

“Why, you have a hot date to get back to?” you probed. You knew you weren’t being kind or fair to him, but you didn’t care. 

“I’ll stay on the phone until you get back to your room,” he said, biting his tongue and trying not to quip back. Eddie didn’t think it would matter to tell you that he had been more alone now than ever, even before he started hanging out with you. He didn’t want to admit to you that he was going through hell.

“I mean, I imagine that had to be part of the reason you broke up with me. You need someone within a 25-mile radius that is always around to suck your dick,” you growled, the real anger coming out. You had done so much for him, why did he just get to leave when he got scared of change? He wasn’t even willing to try or have a real conversation about your relationship, he simply wiped his hands of you and didn’t even bother to call you before you left.

“You know that had nothing to do with it,” he said, all exhaustion forgotten. Is this really what you thought of him?

“Then what the hell was it, Eddie? You weren’t trying to make my transition to college easier, or give me a clean slate, that’s all bullshit. You’re scared. I would never do anything to hurt you, but you didn’t even want to try doing this. For fuck’s sake, does less than 2 hours away even qualify as long distance?” A group of friends ahead of you turned around, you hadn’t realized you were fully yelling into the receiver at this point. “What are you looking at?”

“Alright, calm down,” he said, hating that he wasn’t there to physically see you make it into bed and sleep off whatever you had drank.

“How am I supposed to calm down? I feel like I can’t breathe without you, Eddie,” you admitted, delivering the final blow that shattered his heart. “You’re supposed to be here. You’re supposed to know about the math test I have next week and how disgusting the pizza in the dining hall is. You weren’t supposed to give up on me.” Not being a sad drunk didn’t mean you weren’t a sad ex-girlfriend. Tears were flowing now, and you couldn’t make it another step. You sat down in front of your building.

“I know, I’m so sorry,” he said, just as he had when he held your hands for the final time on the hottest day of August.

“What? You’re sorry?” you had asked. There was some part of you that felt like he was lying, pulling some sort of sick joke on you.

“I didn’t want to wait any longer, I want you to just be able to go and have a great time,” he said as if he was doing you a big favor.

“And you think that this is going to make me have a great time? Eddie, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but you have to talk to me,” you said, putting your hands on his face and rubbing his soft cheeks with your thumbs. “Please, talk to me.” 

He took your hands in his own and squeezed them gently. 

“This is what’s best, I know it. You’re going to move in and meet so many amazing people that you’re going to forget all about me,” he nodded while you closed your eyes, trying to wake yourself up. He let go of your hands and patted them before you felt the weight of your bed shift while he stood up.

“Eddie, wait. I love you, don’t go.” Desperation was taking over your body, unsure of how to get him to stay. It wasn’t like there was a fight or infidelity or some sort of crazy asteroid that drove you two apart. He was making this decision by himself.

“God, I love you, too. So much,” he promised. “Get there safe, okay?” he said, walking out of the room. You quickly followed after him and tried to get him to turn around to look at you, but he kept slipping out of your grasp. Finally, you let him walk away, not trusting your feet to carry you back into your house.

“Did you even mean it?” you sniffled into the phone.

“Mean what?” he whispered. 

“That you loved me?”

“Jesus, of course I do.” 

“Then why? Why didn’t you want to even try?” you asked. You listened to his breathing for a moment, trying to picture him sitting here with you.

“I don’t have a good answer for you,” he said weakly. So that was it. He really didn’t care and really wasn’t going to even try to give you an explanation. Well, you weren’t going to beg anymore than you already had.

“Fine. Sorry for calling,” you abruptly hung up the phone and pushed yourself up, ready to head inside. 

Eddie, on the other hand, held the phone for at least five minutes before putting it back on the hook, half-hoping you’d call back, even if it was just to yell at him some more. He looked at the car keys on the counter and almost gave in. Like you said, he could be by your side in less than 2 hours. 

He wouldn't put you through any more, though. Or himself for that matter. If he said he was going to let you go then he had to do that, no matter how bad it hurt.

In your sadness you hadn’t packed a single photo of Eddie to hang up in your dorm room. The closest thing you had was his elbow in a ripped photo from last summer. For you, he was out of sight, even though he wasn’t out of mind. 

He still had traces of you everywhere, even after sending you the box of your things. The nail polish neither of you noticed had rolled under his bed, stray hairs in his brush, or even just the memory of you always tripping on the third step into the trailer. He couldn’t even walk into his damn home without thinking of you.

He thought he could turn off his feelings because he thought it was what was best for you, but the truth is he hadn’t had a moment of peace since he’d ended your relationship. Sleep was fitful and being awake was even worse. Hearing your voice on the other end of the line was the only thing that made him feel like himself again, even if what you were saying was also tearing him apart.

He’d deal with it when you came home for Winter break.

#eddie munson #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson angst #stranger things #st4 #stranger things fic #Spotify

[urhexgirl]

Living Like You're Dying

Quick TWs before I start out: Mentions of death, Suicidal ideation, grief/loss and car accidents, and also Cancer

My freshman year in college during Christmas break I got a phonemail from my sister who had heard through the grapevine that a long distance friend of mine had passed away. She'd been in a car accident where she had not been driving and was the only person in the car who had died. I didn't really understand grief until that moment, I had had family members die but never any I was close to, and I had been too little to understand the weight fully. This time was different, not only was it someone I was close to, but it was someone who'd died tragically and young. I knew logically young people could die, but it never registered to me that it might actually happen to me or someone I knew.

During this time was when Unus Annus was big, and it helped me cope. I found comfort in it, even though I knew eventually it was going to go away. It helped ease the pain that settled into my bones and made me feel older than 18, and gave me the understanding that death is inevitable but also not something to fear. We have a limited time on earth and should use it. If I was fully honest, at that time I wasn't in a good place mentally, I hated community college, had no idea what I was going to do next with my life, and a close friend of mine was dead. There were days where I considered the thought that it would be easier to be dead since I had no idea what I was doing. Two things kept me going at that time, one, my knowledge of how angry my friend would be if heaven was real and she caught me there early. Two, was Unus Annus and the fact that I should live like I was dying, because someday I might be.

Then an international pandemic happened. I applied and got into my dream school, with a full ride scholarship. (The same school my friend had wanted to attend) My life changed completely because I started to take risks and live like I would die soon. I sent in the application because I was tired of being afraid of being rejected. I changed a lot after that, went to therapy that was provided by my school, went on trips, grew into a whole new person. My heart still aches sometimes when I think of her. It's been three years and I still cry inexplicably on the day she died, for two years I continued to live like I could die at any time. Eventually though, I stopped. I got caught up in school stuff and life stuff and became much too stressed to face my own anxiety.

Until October of this past year. I found out that I might have cancer and suddenly I was thinking about death again. I lived in ambiguity about it for a few weeks while I got tested by a specialist and I realized something about myself, I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. I don't have cancer, at least as of now, (I am genetically pre-disposed to it) but I am not afraid of it, nor am I afraid of dying. What I'm afraid of now is living in fear so much that I never do anything at all. Whenever I catch myself being afraid, I choose to face it head on. Tonight I made an appointment to get a tattoo I've been to afraid to get for the past three years, a tribute to both my friend and Unus Annus, the reasons I'm alive today and the reasons why I've chosen to really live.

#unus annus #mental health #live like you're dying #coping with grief

[rosuuu]

Beyond the Music Room - Prologue: When I Awoke

TWST Idol AU x Reader (Twisted Idolland)

Special Thanks to @/ never simped in my life (real) on discord

Epel Felmier. It was a name you heard everywhere you went.

utterly disgusting, this town I mean, not him, never him.

Here in this small isolated town I called home the only reliable source of entertainment was that in which you found through the the pain of others.

Most of the people were intolerable but not him, never him. Epel felmier, he knew his role and how to play it, let he still resisted, I would give anything to be like that. Epel was a controversial topic, ask anyone in town about him and they'd answer with a slur of curses and misdemeanours he's committed.

Epel didn’t play by anyones rules than his own, I did. Being born into a pretty well-known family means 2 things: firstly , First impressions are everything, and secondly, acting is the only way to survive.

From a young age all I did was act. In order to keep the facade of a happy typical family who was involved with the community and with more hospitality than a saint.

I filled that role up until who even knows when.

I’ll lay out the facts, I knew of Epel, I didn’t know him. Key word, didn’t.

It was a sunny day, as stereotypical as summer can get. There I sat in the middle of the woods with my feet in the lake behind my family home reading a book. I wasn’t allowed there, I knew I wasn’t- but with mother breathing down my neck all they time the universe couldn’t make it more clear that these rules were made to be broken.

It all happened so fast, I was on high alert, i always was so when something sprinted fast through the shrubbery around me a fliched, hard and my book, my precious escape sliped our of my hands and into the deep water below me, I don’t know what I was thinking or perhaps I wasn’t at all but I jumped in after it.

Panic was second to instinct and it only rendered that I couldn’t swim after I was to far into the water, I was going to die, I tried to scream but water quickly filled the gap between my lips. And I started to cry, I was gonna die here, I still had so much to do, I wanted to grow up and leave this ugly town, I wanted to fall in love

As my tears mixed with the salty fluid around me my body stilled , I stopped struggling, I was going to die, but regardless an escape is an escape and death is the greatest escape of all. My body just sank lower and lower, I pulled my hand down to my sides from where they were just touching the surface and finally I closed my eyes, I wonder was the embrace of death always so… warm?

Then I woke up.

That was over 10 years ago, the day that I met him, my saviour from that day we were practically glued to each other. He got a trusty side kick and I got a friend I could be free around. We grew up together, when even when He became the most popular guy in class he was always there by my side

Over the years the loved letters accumulated grew and just like the apples bloomed each spring, we bloomed out and into our freshman year, they year that everything changed

Here’s a little fact, Twisted Wonderland Entertainment was the stable of the music community everyone had listened to at least one of their songs and with the range their groups had they were a global sensation

TWSTEN was all about scouting out the new talent, one of the ways this happend was through the three schools they Sponsored, Night Raven College, The Royal Sword Academy, and the newly completed Sphere Glow Insitute being admityed into one of these schools officially marked your journey as a TWSTEN Idol or Trainee

It was a chance encounter one day on our way to school, we decided to take a detour that day for whatever reason, caught the wrong bus and ended up lost in the inner city, however that was possible. Going back the way we presumably came got us more lost, and as the sun rose to the submit of the sky we realized it was time to give it up

-3 months ago, (Y/N) POV-

We were lost….Actually lost is an understatement, me and Epel somehow ended up in the very heart of the Wonderland somewhere us country bumpkin would never dream of going

Approaching a well dressed man, roughly 2 year older than me handing out flyers I swallowed my nerves and approached him.

“U-Um hello? I- well Me and my friend are a bit lost and we’re wonderin-“

I looked behind me and gestured to my friend but he wasn’t there as my sentence trailed off the man spoke up

“Ah you must be one of the new Trainees! I’m Alchemi! Welcome to The Royal Sword!”

Grabbing my hand he started to lead me inside when…

“Hey! (Y/N) Let’s Go! I found a map!”

-3 months ago, Epel POV-

“Ugh I’m such an Idiot..”

It had felt like hours since we had been walking in cirlcles the capital was no joke, at this point it was well past lunch and I had just about given up on going back to class after this, while my grandma wouldn’t care about me skipping a class (Y/N)’s parents woukd throw a fit

My eyes lazily drifted from place to place the capital was a place I always wanted to explore just not at this exact moment and I continue my daydreaming a particular store catches my eye, a music store, I remember (Y/N) talking about that new [Heartslabyul] song…..

Taking a glance back at them i slowly back away before making a mad dash to the music shop, I’ll have to be quick to make sure not to lose sight of them

◁ ♫ ▷

Stepping out of the music shop I close my eyes and take a deep breath turning towards where I last saw (Y/N) I take a step when…

“Ouch!”

A tall blond bumps into me causing my balance to falter which makes me fall to the ground. Getting MU barings on reality I start to get up, expecting an apology at least before ripping this guy a new one. However when I turned to where he once stood he was gone a black and gold card standing where he should be

Snatching up the card a shove it in my pocket before catching up with (Y/- oh their gone…

◁ ♫ ▷

Thank the seven for my experience with lugging around apples all day or I’d be in serious troubles, after what seemed like a solid half hour of searching I recognized that familiar head of (h/l), (h/c) hair, I start to make my way over when I notice an ugly head of Purple and pale pink holding their wrist is if they were trying to drag them somewhere

Accelerating my pace I called out to them

“(Y/N), Let’s Go! I found a map!”

That was a lie but on the bright side, (Y/N) seemed to say something to the strange man before turning around and jogging up to me

“Who was that guy?”

“I’m not sure something about trainees-“ They trailed off

“No matter,” their smile lit up the world around us and the rest of the world seemed to disappear “Where’s this map you were talking about!”

Shit

◁ ♫ ▷

I lay in bed left arm tucked comfortably under my head and right hand stretched holding the card between my two fingers

“An idol agency, huh?”

—(Y/N) POV—

How naive I was, if I knew how much that fateful detour I suggested would change our lives I would of kept my mouth shut no matter,

Epel’s life was finally looking up after all these years I didn’t like it but it made him happy and if I could just see him smile like how he would when we were kids it would all be worth it,

His journey was beginning

And I’d be there, for him, every step of the way.

——

Beyond the Music Room - Prologue: When I Awoke

TWST Idol AU x Reader (Twisted Idolland)

-end-

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Author’s Note~

I’m aware this isn’t the best it could be but school is currently swarming me with work so you’ll have to make due until my next break </3

Taglist! (Ask or Dm to be added or Removed)

@sunnyshineblaze @lionar0und @cupids-chamber

@hearts-like-iron @raix-lv

#disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #disney twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #riddle rosehearts #ace trappola #deuce spade #cater diamond #trey clover #leona kingscholar #ruggie bucchi #jack howl #azul ashengrotto #jade leech #floyd leech #kalim al asim #jamil viper #vil schoenheit #rook hunt #epel felmier #idia shroud #ortho shroud #twst silver #malleus draconia #lilia vanrouge #sebek zigvolt #epel felmier x reader #twst idol

[calissarowan]

Serena, Part Two

And we’re back, with more on Serena Ahlström! (That’s her and Gantlos’s last name, by the way.)

So, resuming where my last post left off, Serena headed for Magix with Griffin, and promptly freaked out upon seeing cars, cellphones and electricity (she’d just come from medieval Earth, cut the girl some slack).

Serena showed up at Cloud Tower and quickly met her roommate, a Lynphean witch named Raven Simone, Witch of Life. (Raven is also my OC, and possibly one of my favourites. I’ll do a post about her sometime.) Raven was a little more than Serena had perhaps been expecting, instantly asking a million questions, culminating in ‘What are you wearing?’, a sorta valid question, since Serena was wearing medieval clothing, which was a tad unusual for college. Serena struggled to answer just about anything, but Raven apparently liked her nonetheless, promptly taking the shy, half-terrified girl under her wing (and shopping. Shopping before all else.) She also nicknamed her Riri, which Serena actually liked.

Raven quickly grew on Serena as she discovered that, beyond being loud, kinda pushy and having basically no boundaries (or filter), Raven was also fierce, loyal, kind and confident (so confident. It’s basically impossible to embarrass the girl), and the two of them made their way through the beginning of college, Serena discovering a love for school and an aptitude for potionology, Raven discovering the best ways to get out of assignments.

Things were great, up until they, and every other freshman witch at Cloud Tower, were meant to go to Alfea for a training exercise. Despite not hating fairies the way Gantlos had come to, Serena was terrified of going to a school full of them, and practically had a panic-attack at the thought. Eventually, she explained to Raven that a fairy had killed her parents, and Raven promptly hugged her (by this point, the two of them were best friends) and promised that if any fairy at Alfea even thought about hurting her, she would personally blast them through the freakin’ planet (well, she said a little more than that, but let’s keep this clean).

After some serious convincing, Serena agreed to go to Alfea, and made it through without completely freaking out, realising that fairies in the Magic Dimension weren’t really the same as back home. At Alfea, she and Raven met a girl named Faye Tourmaline, a slightly unusual Alfea student: she’s a dark fairy. Pretty unusual. The fact that she’s a princess from Eraklyon didn’t make things any more normal. (She’s not related to Sky, but she is related to someone else we know). Serena actually got along great with Faye (Raven was slightly less enamoured, but whatever makes Riri happy), and the girls became friends. (I’ll talk more about Faye another time.)

Serena eventually became so close with Raven and Faye that she came to see them as like her sisters, and, halfway through their second year, she trusted them enough to tell them…everything. Vampire powers, ability to see the future, semi-supervillain brother, the whole shebang. Faye kinda stared for a minute, and Raven just totally rolled with it.

After graduating top of her class, Serena applied to university to study potionology (and got accepted immediately - the girl had some of the best grades they’d seen in a long, long time). Faye went to law school and Raven…Raven became a dimensionally famous popstar and went to a lot of parties. Like, a lot of parties.

Serena later returned to her Alma mater, Cloud Tower, and became the potions teacher. Griffin was thrilled to have her back, having come to care a great deal for Serena (Griffin by then also knew about Serena’s vampire side, Serena trusting her completely).

And that’s Serena’s story pretty much up until present day! I’ll do more posts about her, exploring some of the other stuff she’s up to, plus just random facts about her, and Raven and Faye will get some attention as well.

#winx club #Serena Ahlström #Raven Simone #Faye Tourmaline #winx oc #winx griffin

[angelofghetto]

a csend hangjai

“Hello darkness, my old friend…” Everybody knows the iconic Simon & Garfunkel song, but do you know the amazing story behind the first line of The Sounds of Silence?It began 62 years ago, when Arthur “Art” Garfunkel, a Jewish kid from Queens, enrolled in Columbia University. During freshman orientation, Art met a student from Buffalo named Sandy Greenberg, and they immediately bonded over their shared passion for literature and music. Art and Sandy became roommates and best friends. With the idealism of youth, they promised to be there for each other no matter what.Soon after starting college, Sandy was struck by tragedy. His vision became blurry and although doctors diagnosed it as temporary conjunctivitis, the problem grew worse. Finally after seeing a specialist, Sandy received the devastating news that severe glaucoma was destroying his optic nerves. The young man with such a bright future would soon be completely blind.Sandy was devastated and fell into a deep depression. He gave up his dream of becoming a lawyer and moved back to Buffalo, where he worried about being a burden to his financially-struggling family. Consumed with shame and fear, Sandy cut off contact with his old friends, refusing to answer letters or return phone calls.Then suddenly, to Sandy’s shock, his buddy Art showed up at the front door. He was not going to allow his best friend to give up on life, so he bought a ticket and flew up to Buffalo unannounced. Art convinced Sandy to give college another go, and promised that he would be right by his side to make sure he didn’t fall - literally or figuratively.Art kept his promise, faithfully escorting Sandy around campus and effectively serving as his eyes. It was important to Art that even though Sandy had been plunged into a world of darkness, he should never feel alone. Art actually started calling himself “Darkness” to demonstrate his empathy with his friend. He’d say things like, “Darkness is going to read to you now.” Art organized his life around helping Sandy.One day, Art was guiding Sandy through crowded Grand Central Station when he suddenly said he had to go and left his friend alone and petrified. Sandy stumbled, bumped into people, and fell, cutting a gash in his shin. After a couple of hellish hours, Sandy finally got on the right subway train. After exiting the  station at 116th street, Sandy bumped into someone who quickly apologized - and Sandy immediately recognized Art’s voice! Turned out his trusty friend had followed him the whole way home, making sure he was safe and giving him the priceless gift of independence. Sandy later said, “That moment was the spark that caused me to live a completely different life, without fear, without doubt. For that I am tremendously grateful to my friend.”Sandy graduated from Columbia and then earned graduate degrees at Harvard and Oxford. He married his high school sweetheart and became an extremely successful entrepreneur and philanthropist.While at Oxford, Sandy got a call from Art.

This time Art was the one who needed help. He’d formed a folk rock duo with his high school pal Paul Simon, and they desperately needed $400 to record their first album. Sandy and his wife Sue had literally $404 in their bank account, but without hesitation Sandy gave his old friend what he needed.Art and Paul's first album was not a success, but one of the songs, The Sounds of Silence, became a #1 hit a year later. The opening line echoed the way Sandy always greeted Art. Simon & Garfunkel went on to become one of the most beloved musical acts in history.The two Columbia graduates, each of whom has added so much to the world in his own way, are still best friends. Art Garfunkel said that when he became friends with Sandy, “my real life emerged. I became a better guy in my own eyes, and began to see who I was - somebody who gives to a friend.” Sandy describes himself as “the luckiest man in the world.”Adapted from Sandy Greenberg’s memoir: “Hello Darkness, My Old Friend: How Daring Dreams and Unyielding Friendship Turned One Man’s Blindness into an Extraordinary Vision for Life."

[girlactionfigure]

“Hello darkness, my old friend…” Everybody knows the iconic Simon & Garfunkel song, but do you know the amazing story behind the first line of The Sounds of Silence?

It began 62 years ago, when Arthur “Art” Garfunkel, a Jewish kid from Queens, enrolled in Columbia University. During freshman orientation, Art met a student from Buffalo named Sandy Greenberg, and they immediately bonded over their shared passion for literature and music. Art and Sandy became roommates and best friends. With the idealism of youth, they promised to be there for each other no matter what.

Soon after starting college, Sandy was struck by tragedy. His vision became blurry and although doctors diagnosed it as temporary conjunctivitis, the problem grew worse. Finally after seeing a specialist, Sandy received the devastating news that severe glaucoma was destroying his optic nerves. The young man with such a bright future would soon be completely blind.

Sandy was devastated and fell into a deep depression. He gave up his dream of becoming a lawyer and moved back to Buffalo, where he worried about being a burden to his financially-struggling family. Consumed with shame and fear, Sandy cut off contact with his old friends, refusing to answer letters or return phone calls. 

Then suddenly, to Sandy’s shock, his buddy Art showed up at the front door. He was not going to allow his best friend to give up on life, so he bought a ticket and flew up to Buffalo unannounced. Art convinced Sandy to give college another go, and promised that he would be right by his side to make sure he didn’t fall - literally or figuratively.

Art kept his promise, faithfully escorting Sandy around campus and effectively serving as his eyes. It was important to Art that even though Sandy had been plunged into a world of darkness, he should never feel alone. Art actually started calling himself “Darkness” to demonstrate his empathy with his friend. He’d say things like, “Darkness is going to read to you now.” Art organized his life around helping Sandy.

One day, Art was guiding Sandy through crowded Grand Central Station when he suddenly said he had to go and left his friend alone and petrified. Sandy stumbled, bumped into people, and fell, cutting a gash in his shin. After a couple of hellish hours, Sandy finally got on the right subway train. After exiting the  station at 116th street, Sandy bumped into someone who quickly apologized - and Sandy immediately recognized Art’s voice! Turned out his trusty friend had followed him the whole way home, making sure he was safe and giving him the priceless gift of independence. Sandy later said, “That moment was the spark that caused me to live a completely different life, without fear, without doubt. For that I am tremendously grateful to my friend.”

Sandy graduated from Columbia and then earned graduate degrees at Harvard and Oxford. He married his high school sweetheart and became an extremely successful entrepreneur and philanthropist. 

While at Oxford, Sandy got a call from Art. This time Art was the one who needed help. He’d formed a folk rock duo with his high school pal Paul Simon, and they desperately needed $400 to record their first album. Sandy and his wife Sue had literally $404 in their bank account, but without hesitation Sandy gave his old friend what he needed.

Art and Paul's first album was not a success, but one of the songs, The Sounds of Silence, became a #1 hit a year later. The opening line echoed the way Sandy always greeted Art. Simon & Garfunkel went on to become one of the most beloved musical acts in history.

The two Columbia graduates, each of whom has added so much to the world in his own way, are still best friends. Art Garfunkel said that when he became friends with Sandy, “my real life emerged. I became a better guy in my own eyes, and began to see who I was - somebody who gives to a friend.” Sandy describes himself as “the luckiest man in the world.”

Adapted from Sandy Greenberg’s memoir: “Hello Darkness, My Old Friend: How Daring Dreams and Unyielding Friendship Turned One Man’s Blindness into an Extraordinary Vision for Life."

Accidental Talmudist

#art garfunkel #sandy greenberg

[lionheartslowstart]

The Male Gaze

My whole life, I have been someone many consider odd. I stand out. I march to the beat of my own drum. I’ve been called “unique” or “one of a kind” by a large number of people, complete strangers and close loved ones alike. But while I absolutely struggle with the desire to fit in more easily and be accepted by The Masses(tm), for the most part this is not something that bothers me. In fact, there have been many times in my life where I take tremendous pride in sticking out like a sore thumb. Why would I want to be like everyone else? That’s boring. Recently, I have been coming to terms with the fact that I have largely lived my life according to the male gaze. This has been quite a jarring realization to have, considering everything I just discussed above. But it’s true. For much I’ve my life, I’ve dressed a certain way, worn my hair in particular styles, worn specific types of makeup, and even participated in some behaviors, simply because that’s what I’ve been conditioned to do.

I did these things despite deep down NOT wanting to do them. And I can see that clearly now upon reflection, that many of them were not things I actually liked at all, or were things I only wanted to do occasionally, as opposed to quite frequently. Though the autism certainly played a role in that as well. Much of the fashion  I donned myself in actually caused me a lot of sensory issues. Namely high heels, makeup on my face (like foundation, bronzer, etc.), and certain styles/materials of clothing. I still wear these things once in a blue moon, but only for special occasions. (But even then, I’ll probably excuse myself to go fidget in the bathroom several times throughout the event.)

As a whole, I wouldn’t necessarily include my body issues in this category, due to the fact that those issues mostly stem from a variety of other sources which carry much more significance, including my insecurities with women, rather than men. However, there was a long time I craved having a petite frame, and pursued skinniness to the best of my ability. It has only been in the last few years that I’ve realized I don’t actually want to be skinny. (Make no mistake, I do wish I thinner, but only marginally so, as I’ve actually lost a lot of weight recently.) I have never truly liked my body, but have found that I seem to like it the most when I’m in good shape. I enjoy watching my muscles get bulkier. I like looking, feeling, and being strong. I have a goal body and it’s definitely not the same goal body I had ten years ago. Although, funnily enough, I did discover that rush from lifting weights and seeing muscle growth, despite the fact that leanness was what I so desperately “wanted”. But now I’ve finally given myself permission to pursue it.

I also mentioned my hair. I’ve worn it long for most of my life. Or at least, long enough to be considered feminine. I cut it short for the first time my freshman year of college (and got my first girlfriend like two weeks later, how ironic), but grew it out immediately because I thought it made my face look weird. Now I ask myself, did it actually make my face look weird, or was I concerned about how my face looked to men? I genuinely think it may have been the latter. But since then, my hair was consistently shoulder length.

Until about five years later, when I shaved off half of my head to stick it to my ex because he said I’d look ugly (which I didn’t by the way I looked hot as hell). After a few months, I cut my hair short for the first time since my freshman year so that it grow back evenly. And I really, really liked it. But then I grew it out again, using the excuse that it would probably be better for my career. Which might have some truth to it, but was also kind of a bullshit excuse. The fact is, the most successful actors are the actors who stay true to themselves. Industry professionals can smell bullshit a mile away, and that’s not what they want. They want real, authentic, genuine artists. I can claim that title all I want, but if I’m compromising on how I want to wear my hair, it’s not true. And unfortunately, as a result, when I got my headshots done in 2021, I was extremely unhappy. They didn’t come out well. They didn’t look me. Even the best ones made me look about five years older. And I was stuck with them for a long time.

I’m getting new headshots this year, and made the choice to chop all of my hair off again. It’s a little shorter than I’d like it to be, but I still have some time for it grow a bit longer before my next headshots. I know exactly how I want it to look. Last year I had this sort of floppy, strawberry blonde, shaggy bob. It was perfect. It’s the most I’ve ever liked my hair.

I do already miss the long hair (the curse of being gender-fluid), but it did cause me a lot of sensory problems. My neck and shoulders feel much better without it. If I’m being honest, in an ideal world, I’d be able to change my hair all the time. There are so many styles I’d love to try! Alas, because I’m an actor, I really do need to pick one and stick with it, at least for the foreseeable future. And this is the one I like the most and feels the most “me,” at least right now. So it’s the one I’m going to have for the next couple of years while I work on rebuilding my resume. At the very least, it’s nice to know that certain cuts and colors do look good on me, should I ever feel the need for change. Like I said, the half-shaved look was killer, and I also got to have purple hair for my birthday month last year, which was so much fun. I do hope I’ll have more opportunities for experimentation down the road!

Woof, that was a tangent. But the hair stuff does lead me to a very important facet of this whole male gaze thing. I am a queer person. Very queer. So queer in fact, that I would honestly call myself a lesbian if my current partner wasn’t a man. (Yes, he knows that, and it has given him endless ego boosts.) In addition to being queer, I’m genderqueer. Specifically I would say the agender category is the most accurate for me, though there is definitely fluidity therein. I just happen to identify as some variant of agender most of the time.

Now obviously, gender identity and sexual orientation do not dictate expression. But for me personally, there is a lot of desire for more masculine or androgynous presentation. Not all the time, and there are still quite a few times I enjoy dressing more feminine. But masculine/androgynous fashion is not something I normally pursue at all. In fact, on the rare occasion I would dress more masc, I made a whole thing out of it. I would go all out and post a shit ton of pictures and poured a lot of energy into it. It was never just what I happened to be wearing that day. It was “omg it’s masc day!” Admittedly, part of that is because I didn’t own a lot of traditionally masculine clothing. But isn’t that kind of what I’m talking about here? I only bought certain types of clothes because those were the clothes I was “supposed to wear.” Anything else was a rare treat. I own a shocking amount of dresses for someone who really doesn’t like dresses.

This year, I promised myself I was going to make a concerted effort to pursue fashion, something I have always been wary of doing (largely due to my body issues). So far, it’s actually been going pretty well! Since I’ve lost weight, I now have a reason to buy new clothing, and I’ve allowed myself to get what I want, not what I think I’m supposed to want. That includes traditionally masculine clothes, of course, but it also includes traditionally feminine clothes, and more androgynous looking clothes. The crazy thing is that, now that I’m just wearing what I want, none of my clothes look inherently gendered. (Which like, duh.) I just wear what I want on any given day and if I’m feeling masculine, it looks masculine, and if I’m feeling feminine, it looks feminine. It’s been such an incredible, exciting, and freeing experience! Weirdly enough, since I’ve started indulging my actual tastes, I’ve even begun enjoying wearing dresses sometimes. (Emphasis on sometimes.) I think it might be because I don’t feel pressured to wear them to appear more feminine, to look the way I’m “supposed to look.”

It’s been such a sudden, drastic shift. I have spent so much of my life worrying about how men perceive me, if I’m desirable to them. To the point where I didn’t even realize it. And it’s just like, who fucking cares? I could give two shits if a dude thinks I’m hot or not. Yet it’s been so programmed into my brain, I’ve only just now become aware of it in my late 20′s. And I STILL have to catch myself sometimes! I absolutely still have moments of doubt or where I’ll try to talk myself into or out of something, and I have say to myself, “Ah ah ah, there you go again! What do YOU want?”

But it’s exciting. And scary. I am so pumped to continue this journey to rediscover myself and my individuality.

#personal #queer #genderqueer #gay #lesbian #bisexual #bi #lgbt #lgbtpqia #alphabet mafia #feminist #feminism #genderfluid #nonbinary #agender #gender expression #gender identity #expression #self-expression

[alizjay]

Today is the birthday of a very special person in my life…

She was born on Groundhog Day of 1930…I'm sure her parents were overjoyed to find out they were expecting in the middle of the glorious 1929. Her daddy was a successful businessman and her mom, well not much is known about her. This would be their first child. But before this precious baby even saw the light of day, the world ended…everything was lost. And little J was born into chaos instead of certainty.

Sometime during her first 10 years of life, her mama gave birth to 3 more girls…little girls, ugh…what a disappointment! Also during those first 10 years, her mom and dad got a divorce. This was before the days of child support or paternity tests and her 3 little sisters grew up not knowing who their father was. They were completely destitute for a while, living in an abandoned train car out in the middle of nowhere until her mama took her 4 daughters and made the trek back to her childhood home. It wasn't great but at least the girls were fed…until their Grandpa died. They were back to having nothing and mama knew what she had to do.

Prospective relatives showed up one by one to choose a little girl to adopt. The precious preteen J watched as one by one, the “prettier” little girls got chosen first. She was the first one born and the last one picked. A great aunt & uncle finally took her out to their farm. She worked hard to earn her keep and studied hard in school. She was given opportunities like piano lessons and being on the softball team. One time, she told me about what she remembered of December 7, 1941. A day that will live in infamy. The only Japanese American family in her small rural community suddenly “moved away.” When she got to college someday, and learned the truth, she cried and cried for days for the poor little boy in her class and his family that must've gone to an internment camp.

She thrived in high school and college but she thought she would never find a godly man at a university, so she enrolled in a bible college to achieve the classic M R S degree. Imagine how different her life may have been if she had not made that fateful decision. She would've been free and happy, the trauma of her life would not have been passed down as severely. She wanted to be a teacher but she soon caught the attention of a charming but awkward freshman named D. He asked her for help with his studies and she tutored him. Soon they were in love, got engaged, and had a wedding. Everything was just wonderful!

She spent the next few years being the ideal preacher's wife because she was determined to never be abandoned again!

Their first child was a little girl and soon after, they had a boy. Within a few years, it became obvious that this little girl was different. She did not outgrow the typical tantrums of toddlerhood. I don't know much about the little boy, other than he grew up hating his big sister. When their little boy was 3, she got pregnant again and had another little boy. This pregnancy was very hard on her and permanently damaged her back. Now she had an autistic daughter (undiagnosed at the time because it was the 60’s) and 2 sons, the youngest of which was a newborn. They had already moved several times and D was never at home because he was always out doing “the lord's work.” She had 2 young children and a baby who basically spent his entire early years in the playpen because her back hurt too much to pick him up once he was mobile enough to get into things.

And despite the struggle, she LOVED those babies fiercely. And despite her always-working husband, he managed to spend at least one evening at home long enough to get her pregnant one last time. Another little girl was born in 1963 and she was so beautiful and was loved so much by her mother whose back was now so damaged she began to walk a little hunched over. This little girl also spent a lot of time in the playpen with her brother and they were besties growing up.

4 kids (the oldest with special needs) being raised with the perfect balance of unconditional love from their mother and complete emotional neglect with strict consequences from their father. One by one, they left the nest and spread their wings. The oldest, always close because she would always need them…the 2nd, moved to California with his wife and 3 little boys to get away from his dad because he tried to make a move on his pretty daughter in law. The youngest boy was so desperate for his dad's love and approval that he became a preacher too…but he was determined to be a better dad than his dad. He “loved” his 2 sons so much and “loved his daughter too much,” if you catch what I'm saying. The youngest child became a passionate educator in the big city and avoided men for awhie. She soon realized her biological clock was ticking fast and thought she wouldn't have value without a family of her own so she settled down and getting married. She became a stepmom and a wife and within a few years had 2 kids close together.

J's family was now complete.

The rest is just a tragedy…what happens to the descendants of traumatized children?…Well, they traumatize their own children. When you have an autistic daughter who was constantly berated by her dad in front of her younger siblings…those younger siblings raise their own daughters to be afraid of any and every possible quirk to their personality. Any differences were physically abused out of them.

When a little boy gets raised in the playpen and watches his daddy (who's almost never home) lose his shit and disrespect women and openly flirt with women who are not his mom…he hits puberty and never learns about consent. He soon believes that he's now a man and doesn't know what to do with these body parts that are now out of control…so when he grows up to have a little girl of his own, he just can't control himself cause she's just too pretty and he does what he wants with her little body and spends the rest of her childhood manipulating her into being perfect for him so he'll be nice to her and stop yelling at her.

When a little girl gets raised in the playpen with her brother and watches her daddy (who's almost never home) lose his shit and disrespect women and openly flirt with women who are not her mom…she clings to her mother like she's a lifeboat and masters the art of pretending perfection to please her stupid daddy…she loves her babies like her own mama loved her, but it's not enough to keep them safe from the abusive and cult-like world of the small denomination she grew up in.

My precious grandma J passed away in 2012 at the age of 82, in the hospital ICU, surrounded by her 4 children that loved her so much…but not her husband because he had to leave for a while to go run errands.

#generational trauma #abuse survivor #childhood ptsd #trauma #child abuse #mental health #actually traumatized #emotional abuse #ptsd

[oldarticles]

College vs. Real College

by Jake Hurwitz

Like many of you, I grew up watching Saved by the Bell, Boy Meets World, and (don't tell anyone) Dawson's Creek. Those shows taught me all I knew about relationships, family problems, and, as years passed without network cancellation, college life. Well, you can imagine my disappointment when I moved into my dorm freshman year only to discover that the college life portrayed on television during my youth was not even remotely similar to real college life. Allow me to explain:

Saved by the Bell: First of all, the fact that Zack got into UCLA without ever doing any homework (aside from that project he did with the Native American that one time) just because he got a good SAT score is ridiculous, but I won't even get into that. Zack moves in to his dorm with A.C. Slater and Samuel "Screech" Powers. Talk about a stroke of luck! Who saw that one coming?! As freshmen, Zack and the guys had a sweet common room, complete with a kitchen, which connected them to one Miss Kelly Kapowski and her two hot roommates, Leslie and Alex. My freshman year I lived in a 12 by 10 cinderblock cell with a strange Indian kid who had a nasty Hot-Pocket addiction and rampant body odor. There was no common room connecting our room to the room of three gorgeous women. Instead, we had a hallway with a puke-stained carpet connecting our room to the R.A.'s room - who, by the way, was not an awesome ex-football player named Mike but a tiny computer nerd named Barry. Yeah, my first day on campus was a let-down, and it only went downhill from there.

Boy Meets World: Just like Cory, Eric, Topanga, Sean and Angela, I applied to Pennbrook University. Sadly, I didn't get in, but not because of my low G.P.A. or because of a lack of extra curricular activities. No, I'd say the biggest determining factor in my not being admitted was that Pennbrook doesn't exist. That's probably the reason my spell check has it underlined in red right now. Anyway, as if that wasn't bad enough, I was totally thrown off when I went to my first class and didn't see my favorite teacher from high school standing at the front, ready to throw some sweet life lessons my way. What the hell, Mr. Deck? Mr. Feeny followed his students from school to school. I know change is difficult, and you might be missing that PhD, but, dude, get with the program. I mean, what am I supposed to do if Topanga gets mad at me? Or what if Angela wants to move to Europe for a year with her Dad? I can't solve problems like this on my own!

Dawson's Creek: That's when I started thinking, why should I even go to college? Pacey didn't go and he did fine. He was an investment banker, and later in the very same season, a chef. Those things sound like stuff I can do without ever getting any sort of actual training, right? So I put on a suit and went out there and gave it a shot. Amazingly, no brokerage houses or five-star restaurants hired me after my interviews. I did everything Pacey did; grew the goatee, drove a cool vintage car, even tried to use unnecessarily big words in my sentences"; unfortunately my math knowledge is at or below third grade level, and I don't know how to use a calculator. The chef thing didn't go too well when they discovered my culinary skills were limited to making Easy-Mac, and even that comes out a little watery sometimes".

What I'm trying to say is that college is not like TV. You're not going to bang Joey Potter, Topanga or in Zack's case - whoever the hell you want. Your teachers aren't gonna be Mr. Feeny or Professor Lasky (Thanks IMDB!). And you're gonna have to work hard to excel in life, my friend. But there is one upside that TV didn't tell you about. There's tons of alcohol to drink and crazy drugs to do in college, way more than any TV shows let on. So have a ball! Cut loose! Get fucked up! Hey, maybe Topanga will pass out and you can feel her boobs.

#jake and amir #amir blumenfeld #jake hurwitz