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joannechocolat · 1 year

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On Power, and on Powering Through, and Why They’re Really Not the Same

I don’t pay much attention to personal attacks in reviews. It comes as the flipside of success; an attempt by the critic to puncture what they see as too much success. But I still remember one review, just after the film of Chocolat, when two of my novels happened to be in the Top 5 at the same time, in which a (male) newspaper critic referred to me dismissively as a premenopausal woman writer. I was a little taken aback. Clearly, it was meant to disparage, but I was only 35, ten years away from the perimenopause. What exactly did he mean? It wasn’t a comment about the book (which I doubt he had even read). The obvious misogyny aside, it seemed to express resentment, not of my books, but of me, myself, my right to take up space in his world. That word – premenopausal – was at the same time a comment on my age, my looks, my value, and a strong suggestion that someone like me shouldn’t be this successful, shouldn’t be writing bestsellers, shouldn’t be so – visible.

I don’t recall the name of the man, or the paper for which he was writing. He was far from being the only journalist who felt I didn’t deserve success. I shrugged off the unpleasant comment, but he’d meant it to hurt, and it did. I still wonder why he – and his editor - thought that was appropriate. I also wonder why, 20 years on, women are still dealing with this kind of thing. It’s still not enough for a woman to be successful in her chosen field. Whatever her achievements, you can be pretty sure that at some point, some man in his 50s or 60s – maybe an Oxbridge graduate, author of an unpublished novel or two - will offer his opinion on her desirability, either in the national Press, or most likely nowadays, by means of social media. The subtext is clear: women who don’t conform to societal values of what a woman should be are asking for this kind of treatment; especially those who dare to achieve more than their detractors.

10 years after that nasty review, I finally began the journey into perimenopause. No-one told me it was happening. No-one in the media was talking about it at the time. Even my doctor never thought to mention that my symptoms – the insomnia, headaches, mood swings, anxiety, depression, sleep paralysis, hair loss, brown patches on my skin – might have a single origin. I began to feel I was losing my mind: as if I were starting to disappear. I started to doubt my own senses. I blamed it all on the stress from my job. My mother had powered through menopause – or so she led me to believe – and made no secret of her contempt for modern women who complained, or treated the symptoms as anything more than a minor inconvenience.

And so I did the same. I powered through; and when at last I began to experience the classic symptoms of menopause - irregular bleeding, hot flushes, exhaustion, night sweats so bad that I would awake in sheets that were wringing wet – it did not occur to me to seek help. After over a year of this, I finally went to my doctor, who took a few tests, cheerfully announced I was menopausal, and when I inquired after HRT, advised me to power through – that phrase again - and let Mother Nature take her course. The internet was slightly more helpful. I took up running, lost weight, cut down on alcohol, downed supplements and sleeping pills and vitamin D, and felt a little better. Then, breast cancer came to call, and by the time my treatment was done, the symptoms had more or less disappeared, or at least had been superseded by the symptoms of chemo. I congratulated myself at having powered through cancer as well as surviving menopause.

But two years later, I feel old. I look that way, too. I’ve aged ten years. Some of that’s the cancer, of course. I was quite open about my treatment when I was powering through it – partly in order to pre-empt any questions about my hair loss or any of the all-too visible effects of three courses of chemo. Not that it stopped the comments, though. Even at my lowest ebb, a sector of social media made it clear that my only concern should be to look young and feminine to anonymous men on Twitter.

Right now, I don’t feel either. My hair has gone grey and very thin. My skin, too, seems thinner; both physically and mentally. At a recent publishing event, several acquaintances failed to recognize me; others just looked through me as if I had become invisible. Invisibility would be a relief; I find myself dressing for camouflage. I tend to wear baggy black outfits. I got my OBE last week. Photographs in the Press show me talking to Prince William. I’m wearing a boxy black trouser suit, flat shoes and a red fedora. I think I look nice. Not glamorous, but comfortable; quirky; unpretentious.

On a thread of largely supportive messages, one Twitter user pops up to say: Jesus, who’d accept an honour looking like that middle-aged disaster? @Joannechocolat thought she’d make an impact? She needs a stylist. If you look in the dictionary for the definition of “dowdy”, it features this photo.

It’s not the same man who belittled me over 20 years ago. But the sentiment hasn’t changed. Regardless of your achievements, as a woman, you’ll always be judged on your age and fuckability. I ought to be used to this by now. But somehow, that comment got to me. Going through menopause isn’t just a series of physical symptoms. It’s how other people make you feel; old, unattractive, and strangely ashamed.

I think of the Glass Delusion, a mental disorder common between the 14th and 17th centuries, characterized by the belief that the sufferer was made of glass. King Charles VI of France famously suffered from this delusion, and so did Princess Alexandra Amélie, daughter of Ludwig 1st of Bavaria. The condition affected mostly high-profile individuals; writers, royals, intellectuals. The physician to Philip II of Spain writes of an unnamed royal who believed he was a glass vase, which made him terribly fragile, and able to disappear at will. It seems to have been a reaction to feelings of social anxiety, fear of change and the unknown, a feeling both of vulnerability and invisibility.

I can relate. Since the menopause, I’ve felt increasingly broken. I don’t believe I’m a glass vase, and yet I know what it feels like to want to be wrapped in a protective duvet all day. I’ve started buying cushions. I feel both transparent, and under the lens, as if the light might consume me. On social media, I’ve learnt to block the people who make mean comments. To make myself invisible. To hide myself in plain sight. I power through, but sometimes I think: why do women power through? And who told them that powering through meant suffering in silence?

Fortunately, some things have changed since I went through the menopause. Over the past few years, we’ve seen more people talking about their experiences. Menopause is likely to affect half the population. We should be talking about it. If men experienced half these symptoms, you bet they’d be discussing it. Because power isn’t silence. You’d think that, as writer, I would have worked that out sooner. Words are power. Sharing is strength. Communication breaks down barriers. And sometimes, power means speaking up for those less able to speak for themselves.

I look at myself in the mirror. I see my mother’s mouth; my father’s eyes. I see the woman I used to be; the woman I will one day become. I see the woman my husband loves, a woman he still finds attractive. A woman with a grown-up child who makes her proud every single day. A menopausal woman. A cancer survivor. A woman who writes books that make other people sit up and think. A woman who doesn’t need the approval of some man she’s never met to be happy. She can be happy now. I can. And finally, I understand. Powering through isn’t about learning to be invisible. It isn’t about acceptance, or shame, or letting Nature take its course, or lying about feeling broken. It’s looking beyond your reflection. It’s seeing yourself, not through the lens of other people’s expectations, but as yourself. The sum of everything you’ve been; of everyone who loves you. Of claiming your right to be more than glass, or your reflection in it. The right to be valued. The right to shine, regardless of age or reproductive status. Men seldom question their own right to these things. But women have to fight for them. That’s why it’s so exhausting.

This morning, instead of putting on my usual baggy black sweatshirt, I chose a bright yellow pullover. I looked at myself in the mirror. It’s not a great colour on me now, but it feels like dressing in sunshine. My husband came into the bathroom. You look –

My husband rarely gives compliments. I can’t remember the last time he commented on how I was dressed. I wondered what he was going to say. Dowdy, perhaps? Inappropriate? Like a menopausal woman in dire need of a stylist?

At last, he said: When you smile like that, you look like a friendly assassin.

A friendly assassin. I’ll take that.

Shining like the sun. That’s me.

#menopause #cancer

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haxkattpress · 7 days

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Away Childish Things by @letteredlettered

I'm so excited to finally share this bind of one of my all time favorite fics! Thanks to lettered's generous binding policy, I decided to go all out.

This bind has a foiled cover and spine, hand sewn silk endbands, and thirteen custom chapter headers. It was also my first time rounding and backing.

You can find more pictures and information about my process under the cut.

For the cover and spine, I recreated the design of Beasts of the Field (1902) by William J. Long.

I wanted something that captured both the whimsy and maturity of the story, and this cover fit my vision perfectly. It also gave me the opportunity to recreate another antique cover from the public domain.

Unfortunately, the design was a bit complicated for my Cameo 4, so I was unable to fill the lines in. You can also tell that the foil did not adhere properly near the bottom, so the flowers are lighter than I would like them to be.

Because of the trouble I was having with my Cameo, I decided to foil the spine by hand. I deeply regretted this decision two hours later, and it took me four hours to finish foiling. My wrist still hurts!

Sewing the headbands was my absolute favorite part. I was encouraged to try them by a lovely binder on Instagram, and I ended up completely addicted. I splurged on some fancy silk thread so I could give this fic the royal treatment it deserves! I think they look like beautiful little caterpillars.

As for the rounding and backing... I'm not going to talk about it. Nightmare. Lots of nervous sweating. Emotional agony. Next topic!

I worked on the typeset back at the beginning of January when I had some time off, and it took me a solid week of obsessive editing to complete. My sister suggested that I use Harry and Draco's patronuses for the chapter art, but there unfortunately aren't many public domain illustrations of deer and foxes playing together.

It was at that point that I also decided that I wanted the animals to match the respective ages of Harry and Draco and the tone of each chapter. For the 13 chapters I ended up editing 25 different illustrations together. The bulk of these are taken from vintage versions of Bambi and Reynard the Fox. It's possible that a few stock images from 1980s nature books snuck in there, but I did my best to keep them all pre 1925.

I'm not a skilled editor, and some of these are worse than others, but I'm quite proud of what I was able to cobble together. On the final page I put a young fox and deer running off together. I wanted it to seem like Harry and Draco's inner children had been freed.

I'm a bit embarrassed to say that this bind took me about 4-5 months to complete! I started in early January, and went wildly off track learning how to round, back, and sew headbands. And then I was hit by some killer creative block that only lifted last week!

There are still many things I could improve on, but I'm so proud of everything that I learned and accomplished with this bind! A big thank you to lettered for inspiring me with such a wonderful story. <3

#book binding #fic binding #fanbinding #fanfic binding #drarry #away childish things #harry x draco #my binds

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rose-tea-and-strawberries · 11 months

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#JusticeForYuu

Warning: long rant coming up. Mentions of PTSD and Trauma.

So I recently read this manhwa called ‘Ashtarte’ and let me tell you, compared to other manhwas that I’ve read, I’ve never felt more vindicated or satisfied by the way it handles trauma and forgiveness.

Basically, the main character is a young princess, about ten or eleven or twelve I can’t remember, who has spent her entire life being treated like nothing by her entire family for no pretty much no reason at all. Trust me when I say that the neglect and emotional abuse she undergoes is awful and after a while, she realises that she doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. She mentally and emotionally emancipates herself from them and makes a family with her small handful of servants that live with her in her broken down house (let me tell you, they all love and protect her so much. Her mother figure/ best friend/ maid is the absolute GOAT), telling them that she won’t waste any tears on her bio family anymore. And when her bio family beg for forgiveness after she makes a very obvious effort to ignore and stay as far away from them as possible, she tells them that if they want her to even consider forgiving them for all the pain they put her through, they need to wait 10 years just like how she spent ten years all alone, trapped in that house, waiting for someone to love her. Even after the 5 year timeskip, she still doesn’t give them the time of day whilst they send her letters and mountains of gifts (that she never opens) and when she meets them again because of some obligatory family thing, she tells them point blank that there’s a chance that she’ll never forgive them and there’s nothing that she wants from them so just leave her alone and just walks out as they all suffer in their guilt.

And, let me tell you, as someone who has read a lot of female lead manhwas, I’ve never seen a FL not forgive a neglectful family - either they end up forgiven after an apology that lasts for like one chapter, or the MC gets her revenge and completely ruins them, or it’s an isekai story so now that a new person is possessing the main character, they finally decide to show interest and since the new character is either scared of them, is trying to gain their favour or has never undergone their horrible treatment of the host body, they just get off scot-free (A Match Made In Mana is a good example of this. Like the romance. Hate the fact that the older brother only started treating her right when another person isekaied into the main character - same thing with There Is No Place For Fakes)

Now what has this got to do with anime Disney boys you ask. Let me get to that.

Now I’m the kind of person that can hold a grudge - not that much in real life but very much so when it comes to fictional characters. If I was Jo March, I wouldn’t even be in the same room as Amy March after she burned the manuscript for at least a year. There are some characters that I just can’t stand because they never get the full consequences for what they put others through and I hate that so much (I’m not going to name names because a lot of them are fandom favourites and I don’t want to start a war).

What I’m trying to say is that why can’t there be a Yuu that doesn’t forgive the overblot gang/dorms for what they put them through? Because you have to admit that they way that they treated this homeless, magicless human with absolutely nothing to their name and that is, in every instance, at the bottom of the food chain was awful. And I’m not talking about the overblots - they were clearly in the midst of a mental breakdown and weren’t in the right state of mind. But how would you explain everything that they did pre-overblot? When they are fully conscious of everything they did. Riddle even admitted after his overblot that he knew that he was being harsh but he still did that stuff anyway.

I know that we have to forgive everyone for the sake of the plot since we need Riddle in Book 2, Leona in Book 3, Azul in Book 4 and so on and so forth but when I remember the torment that Yuu faces, I just want to tell them all to take a hike.

I know that these boys had horrible lives. I know that these are deeply traumatised individuals and that them overblotting was the only way for them to heal. But guess what? Going through trauma doesn’t excuse giving trauma to someone else? As Jake Peralta once said:

Confession Time - I was the anon that sent this: https://www.tumblr.com/shiny-jr/716948600309137408/hi-i-just-want-to-say-that-ive-read-all-of-your?source=share

And I still stand by what I said.

I just find it really annoying that when I search for angst fics it’s always the boys’ trauma or unrequited love or death or break ups - or maybe even something mentioning an overblot but I’ve never once found anything about the boys asking for forgiveness for what they did to Yuu prior to the overblots because once, just once, I want to read someone asking Yuu to forgive them and for Yuu to be selfish just once and say ‘no’

I know that I portray my fem!Yuu as this person that’s so sweet and forgiving and kind and soft and gentle but that’s because I’m obsessed with the dynamic of this sweet sunshine bubbly girl being a breath of fresh air to these villainous boys (and also because I kind of took some inspiration from my favourite princess, Snow White, and I based her a bit on Wendy Darling because I wanted her to be that ‘mature young girl’ who is very motherly but is still very much a fun-loving, imaginative child) but I just want a Yuu that is given the respect that they deserve.

I want a Yuu that actually experiences PTSD because of the treatment that they’ve undergone. I want them to hate the fact that their experience in NRC has changed them. I want them to hate that they’ve developed claustrophobia and a fear of the dark after they were forcefully imprisoned in Scarabia, I want them to hate how anything can trigger a PTSD-induced flashback, I want them to hate how Riddle’s jabs at their character and parentage still ring in their head after all this time, I want them to hate how whenever they’re submerged in water, all they can remember is what Azul, Jade and Floyd put them through in their attempts to get their home and family back. I want them to hate how often they get nightmares, how any second could be the day they finally get killed by any of these magic users who are far more powerful than them. I want them to look in the mirror and despise every single scar that litters their once unblemished body. I want them to hate how they had to ask the people who stripped them of their home and the only family they had in NRC for help in Book 4 because now they are indebted to them and they have no idea when Azul would want to cash that.

I’ve seen fics that have Yuu go through heatstroke during the marches in Scarabia and, as someone that not only has had heatstroke before but also had a really scary fainting experience I headcanon that as well so how about a Yuu that turns down Kalim’s invitations because the sight of Scarabia reminds them of the hostility that they faced when they were the most vulnerable. How about a Yuu that tries not to hate Kalim because he’s a genuinely nice person and was the only one to welcome them with kindness but can’t help but feel bitter whenever they hear the housewarden excuse Jamil’s behaviour when they still remember how they were locked up against their will.

This fic by linawritestwst and this fic by the-hearteater portray what I’m talking about really well. (taxonomize our differences by Jemimimi does a really good job of illustrating how being in Twised Wonderland affects Yuu’s mental health - there’s an incredible scene where Yuu has a panic attack and teaches Grim how to help them out of it. I nearly cried because their sense of self worth is so low and suicidal tendencies are so unstable that in multiple points of the story they try to get other students to kill them and Yuu my baby 😭)

When I go through the Rollo x reader fics, the majority of them are either yandere or the usual fluff. But Rollo can actually be a good friend for Yuu to have. Whilst their mentalities are different, they both agree that magic is dangerous - with Yuu being a victim of said magic. I honestly think that, if he wasn’t written as the big bad of the event, he could’ve been a really good ally that would understand Yuu’s pain of not only facing overblot after overblot but their helplessness of being surrounded by magical individuals and not knowing whether they’ll be able to survive another day.

Everyone’s always like #Crowley Slander (which he rightfully deserves, I am thisclose to punting him) but don’t forget everything the boys did. I see fics where they stand up to Crowley for Yuu but the most they do is reference the overblots but never that they did horrible things as well. Crowley may have told Yuu to stay behind during the winter holidays but Jamil was the one who imprisoned us and prevented us from contacting our friends for help. Crowley may have made Yuu stay at Ramshackle (although to be fair Ramshackle is kind of the safest option - who knows what would happen to Yuu if their magical self was in an actual dorm, especially all of the female Yuus. I think living in isolation is kind of the best option for them when the universe is out to get them. Plus, the ghosts are amazing company.) but Azul was the one who made us homeless and had a shady business (that he still has even after the overblot). Crowley may have been blackmailing Yuu with food, shelter and money but Leona was the one that was sabotaging the students and Vil was the one that tried to point blank kill an innocent child in cold blood after making his childhood trauma and personal one-sided rivalry everyone’s problem for the weeks leading up to the VDC.

Everyone only treated them with respect after the overblot incidents - so they literally had to put themselves in danger and nearly die for them to be treated as not a nobody. When Riddle made those completely uncalled for jabs at Yuu, an innocent bystander, nobody said or did anything. Not Trey, who enabled Riddle’s reign of terror and quietly observed the suffering all of the Heartslabyul students (and then had the gall to tell adeuceyuu not to get angry at Riddle because of course tragic backstory = forgiveness), not Cater, who canonically has a hidden side so Yuu has more of a reason not to trust him, not any of the other card soldiers - no Ace, the one everyone writes off as a stupid tactless jerk that does badly in school and only causes trouble, was the only one that had the emotional intelligence to realise that Yuu’s feelings were hurt and was the only one who cared to do something about it via sucker punching the tantrum-throwing tyrant.

(I can’t remember if Deuce did anything but he already stood up for us during the egg debacle so it’s okay he’s still my number one love)

(Also: Riddle is known to be incredibly strict with his dorm. It’s been said that Heartslabyul has the best academic record because of Riddle’s incredibly high standards. He also doesn’t take excuses from anyone even if they aren’t even in the wrong - which is seen when he exiles adeuceyuu from the dorm during the Mont Blanc Tart Incident where Trey tells Riddle that he was the one who told them to make the tart for the party and Riddle says that it was still their fault for not knowing the rules beforehand because of course a first year would have memorised all 810 rules by their like third day and it would be perfectly normal of them to ask a senior for advice on what to do. My question is: how many dyslexic students or anyone else with learning disabilities do you think Riddle has sent crying? How many students with less than stellar family backgrounds joined NRC only to find that they were sorted into a dorm that had a leader who not only holds their abusive mother’s teaching methods on a pedestal but is more than ready to hurl insults at anyone that disagrees with him? How many times had Trey seen an innocent student receive unfair treatment and kept quiet about it despite it being his job as a vice dorm leader and upperclassman to look after them?)

I know that so many people want Yuu to overblot or go through their villain arc so that the boys can be put in that place but why do we even have to go that far? If Yuu did have magic they would have overblotted ages ago but even so why do they need to have a mental breakdown so that others could see where they went wrong? Remember an overblot can kill its host and Yuu doesn’t need another near death experience.

I want Yuu to be like Ashtarte and just have a small circle of friends and family in Ace, Deuce, Grim and the Ramshackle ghosts and tell everyone else to bog off. I want Ace, Deuce and Grim to be like the maid, Leona/Loena - different translations have different spellings (she is such a protective mama bear I love her so much. She literally calls out royalty to their faces, is ready to throw hands with the entire world and is willing to risk her own life for Ashtarte’s happiness) and act as Yuu’s guard dogs to prevent anyone from coming near them. Ace, Deuce and Grim have been there since the beginning, they’re Yuu’s ride or die besties that know what they’re going through, they’re platonic soulmates who can clearly see the emotional turmoil on weighing down on them. I want them to witness how Yuu is affected by their PTSD with their panic attacks and nightmares and bouts of depression and dissociation and then doing their best to learn how to help them. I want Yuu to refuse to step foot in another dorm and just go to NRC for classes and then disappear into Ramshackle. I want Ace and Deuce to run interference in case anyone approaches their friend because can’t you see that they don’t want to talk to you, who’s not afraid to stand up to anyone be it teachers or upperclassmen because haven’t they done enough damage.

Yes, Ace is a jerk but he’s not a mean bully of a jerk. He’s just a stupid tactless teenage boy who just needs to be humbled once or twice - he’s completely harmless unlike Sebek and his humanphobic bigoted butt who should definitely keep his comments to himself because Yuu already has enough troubles without someone reminding them of how inferior their species is.

I want these boys to feel guilt - not because of their overblots but because they were actually horrible people before they tried to kill a defenseless, magicless human. I want Yuu to not only lose trust in the main characters but also with everyone else because they never know who would hurt or betray them next - who would be like Trey or Rook and enable bad behaviour, or who would be like Azul and take advantage of their weaknesses, or who would be like Jamil and pretend to be their friend and then stab them in the back. I want a Yuu that’s tired of being manipulated and used by everyone and is just done with everything.

As much as I love parental!Staff, you have to admit that canonically, they’ve done a pretty bad job of looking after Yuu so how about a Yuu that doesn’t trust adults because they’ve shown no interest in actually being someone that Yuu can open up to. Also, Azul was able to get away with everything he did was because he had Crowley in his pocket - who’s to say that he doesn’t have other adults under his thumb as well? (We know he doesn’t but how can Yuu be sure)

I want Yuu to be friends with Neige because he seems like such a sweetheart and I really don’t like how I see fics putting him down just to make Vil look good. As I mentioned above, Snow White is my favourite Disney Princess and sharing a spot with Pooh Bear as my favourite Disney character so a darling boy that is inspired by her would be an awesome friend to have - and he has never caused Yuu physical, verbal, emotional or mental harm.

Don’t get me wrong. I know that this is making me come off as a hater but I just want some justice for Yuu. They deserve absolutely nothing that they go through and I want happiness for them.

Also, on a completely unrelated note, I may have been listening to Numb Little Bug a tad bit too much.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst yuu #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader

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yuikomorii · 3 months

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Helloo! I don’t know if you remember me but I sent you once something about Yui in LE and now, after I played some routes, I can confirm that she’s my last fav Yui. 😬

// I have a complicated relationship with LE Yui, haha. I appreciate her for being more lively than CL Yui, but she mostly gave me the ick because she was definitely one of the most annoying LE characters.

I typically don't mind characters that are represented as jerks and upright mean, since you know what to expect from them, but I really dislike when characters who are portrayed as goody-shoes, do such messed-up and morally wrong things.

When I first went through LE, I didn’t start with Ayato’s route, given that I heard from many people about how tough it is and I wasn't emotionally prepared, so I started with others. I didn't like how she talked ill about her lover behind his back (more than once) and how her foolishness caused her to disclose critical secrets to people she shouldn't have and get into more troubles than normal. Nonetheless, I didn't think she was too bad… until Ruki's route, where she convinced the Mukami brothers that Karl wasn't a bad person because he returned their lives to "redeem" himself when we all know he only used them as pawns. But, if I thought THIS was bad, Ayato's LE route came.

~Things wrong with Yui in Ayato’s LE route~

1. Tried to convince Ayato that his abuser, Cordelia, genuinely cared for him. Given that his mother damaged his life, it's understandable that he would react negatively.

2. The main reason why Ayato didn’t want to trust Richter, wasn’t necessarily his trauma, but the fact Richter actually hurt Yui and, in his book someone hurting his girlfriend is unforgivable. Nevertheless, when his brothers started a scandal about Richter and all ganged up against Ayato, not even letting him express HIS point of view, Yui did nothing but stand there staring. Although, after Ayato blew up the mansion again as a result of reactive abuse, she acknowledged that his brothers attacking him like that wasn’t right, but she still didn’t say it out loud to defend him, when she knew the reason behind his actions.

3. After Reiji and Ruki became Ayato's enemies, she went to them without telling him, which made him concerned, to convey her man's sadness and loneliness. I'm sorry, but this was the dumbest plan ever, considering that it was evident they wouldn't have cared about it, and hearing such a thing made them even more eager to mock and plot his downfall. In the end, despite her good intentions, she solved nothing but made things worse, including being bitten by Reiji, which caused Ayato to lose his mind. Based on the previous events, I'm not shocked he believed she would betray him.

4. The scenes in which Ayato began acting coldly towards her were the highlights of his LE route. In other LE routes, after doing or saying stupid things, the disputes were resolved in the next chapter or those actions were never mentioned, but I enjoyed how she was actually humbled here. I adore Yui in general, but in LE, she deserved this treatment.

5. I assumed she had learnt her lesson, given that Ayato still cared for her despite his coldness, but then she goes to the Viboras to prove herself worthy of his trust. I liked how she tried to solve something (even if she didn't), but what made her behavior even WORSE was that 1) she justified Ruki giving Ayato a hard time and joining forces with the Church to kill him, and 2) she talked ill behind her lover's back despite telling Ayato the exact opposite face to face. I understand that Ayato didn't act very king-like, but at the same time, no one truly took him seriously or believed in him. Also, idk, but she should have tried to defend him, at least this time, instead of empathizing more with someone who hurt her man—?

Credit to: dialovers-translations on Tumblr

I also find it amusing how LE is the only main DL game with no wedding at all, especially since Ayato was usually the one to marry her. I think he secretly didn't want it in LE, given that he didn’t even think of proposing. :”)

She’s definitely not a bad girlfriend though, but I wouldn’t call her a very good one either. I think that’s another reason why I don’t want a new game. I’m afraid they’ll ruin her even more. T-T

#admin

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snazzyturtles · 8 months

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“Backseat Lover”

pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4

tsukishima x f!reader, nsfw, mdni

you and tsukishima have hated each other since the minute you moved into the house across the street from his. but when his car breaks down on the ride home, and you're stuck with him for the night, things are bound to happen

wc: 5 k

tw: enemies to lovers, car fucking, grinding, semi-public sex, unprotected, creampie, biting, marking, pet names (pipsqueak, shortie, baby), tsukki & reader are lowkey both tsunderes so prepare for smack talk

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

"sup pipsqueak-" tsukishima whispered in your ear as you opened your locker. you snapped your head around to look at him, yamaguchi snickering close behind him. you narrowed your eyes and rolled them.

"you do realize that it's pretty narcissistic to call anyone that's a centimeter shorter than you a pipsqueak, right beanpole?”

he chuckled a bit and leaned in closer. "pipsqueak" he whispered once more.

you grabbed your books from your locker, swinging and hitting him in the chest with it before turning around. "shut up kei~" you yelled over your shoulder as you walked away.

his eyes went wide, his back hitting the locker door he was pushed against. yamaguchi was bent over laughing at your actions as tsukishima simply stared at your back as you left, his breath catching. he didn't think you could hit that hard. "so the pipsqueak is still feisty…”

“i like feisty…” he whispered under his breath.

you and tsukishima had been like this ever since you moved into the house across the street from his in middle school. it was your final year in high school, and yet your dynamic had still never changed. you don't think you'll ever understand why he acted this way, picking on you nonstop, but you weren't someone who took that treatment. getting multiple classes with him and his friends this year definitely didn't help though, it only made you two have to see each other even more often.

he pushed himself off the locker and ran after you. ”hey, pipsqueak. you know i got my driver's license right?" he said smugly as he walked up to you.

you glanced in his direction with your eyebrow raised. "oh really? and that matters to me because…?”

"i don't know, pipsqueak, maybe because now you don't have to walk all the way home from school anymore? no wonder you’re still in shape, you have to cover a lot of ground.” he smirked at you.

you stared at him in silence for a bit, before sighing and looking away “...okay fine. whatever.”

"you actually want a ride?" tsukki’s smirk grew, “aweee, are you finally letting go of your pride and ego, pipsqueak?" he poked your cheeks, chuckling at you.

you rolled my eyes at him. "no, it's just probably going to be easier than walking home… i wanna give my legs a break.”

“awe, lazy little pipsqueak-“ he leaned down and spoke at you with a baby voice, before smirking and standing back up, looming over you. "but if you are thinking you're going to be sitting in the front, you’re wrong. the front seats are for big kids, and i don’t want to hear your smart mouth." he smirked at you.

you stared at him with furrowed brows, obviously upset and growing more annoyed as the conversation progressed. "are you serious? i'm already going to have to wait until after you finish volleyball practice, i think i deserve front seat rights.”

"nah, i'm the one doing you the favor. back seat or walk, pipsqueak~”

“…ugh fine! whatever. let's just… get to class and... figure this out later.” you mumbled under your breath, turning your head.

"hehe, shortie’s finally becoming submissive, as she should be. i knew it’d happen one day." he smirked at you and ruffled your hair as you entered the classroom. rolling your eyes, you sat down at your desk, looking away from him.

—————

you sat through the final two classes of the day, collecting your things and heading to the library. you wanted to stay as far away from him for as long as you possibly could, but when the hour passed and the library closed, you were required to go to the gym and watch tsukishima's volleyball practice.

you knew he played, seeing him occasionally play with his brother or friends in the neighborhood, but you had never actually seen him in action. he looked…. hot.

the sweat was dripping off his body, muscles flexing and panting hard as he practiced. his t-shirt was tight, sticking to his skin, and you could practically count his abs from where you sat. you had never noticed his physique, and while he was still just about as skinny as he was when you first met him, he had definitely buffed up over the years. you kept having to look down at your phone to act like you weren't staring at him, but it was definitely obvious to the boys in the gym- especially tsukishima.

he could feel your eyes, watching every move he’d make, every play he did, every dive he made. after practice ended for the night, he turned and looked at you for a moment, smiling and winked at you as he went to the showers.

his wink made you freeze, eyes glued to his back as he walked away and out of the room. did he notice you staring?

he soon came out of the locker room after a quick shower and changing into different clothes, walking towards the parking lot with you trailing after him and his long strides. once you got to the car, he opened up the door to the back seat, snickering as you rolled your eyes and threw your bag in the back, sliding in after it. he slammed the door shut, turning to open his and sit in the front. starting the engine, he looked back at you with a smirk, "tired pipsqueak?"

you looked at him with a dead stare and shook your head.

"no." you said, putting your headphones on as he backed the car out of its parking spot.

you sat in silence for a few minutes, and he couldn't stop himself from chuckling at the way you were acting. he could hear you muttering the words to the song you were listening to under your breath. "you know i can still hear you, right pipsqueak?” he spoke up louder, smiling at you through the rearview mirror.

you were staring out of the window, trying your best to ignore him as he drove out of the parking lot and got on the road that led to your side of town. it was late, and you were too tired and annoyed to deal with his teasing or even bother to give any back anymore. The car became silent once he realized you weren't going to interact with him, and he decided to just stare forward at the road he was driving on while you watched the dark scenery passing as you moved through the mountainside on your way home.

suddenly, the car jolted, making you lurch forward in your seat and hit the back of his as the car abruptly came to a stop.

“k-kei? what just happened?”

"hm?" his eyebrows were furrowed as he looked at you through the rearview mirror, cursing under his breath. "damn this car is old. it must be the alternator- pipsqueak, can you come and check with me?” he yelled over his shoulder as he got out of the car and headed towards the front.

your eyes were blown wide as you followed him out of the car, circling to open the hood. when tsukishima opened it, smoke began to come out.

"yeah, i think the car's dead... here let me call-“ when you looked down to turn your phone on, you noticed it wasn't turning on whenever you’d hit the on button. the battery had run out- your phone was dead.

"uh oh…"

he just sighed, closing the hood again with an obviously frustrated slam. that car was ancient, a hand-me-down from his older brother when he got a new one. he should've known this would happen sooner than later.

"well, shit. we’re gonna have to wait until someone passes by on this road to help, or walk to the house. you want me to carry you on my back?”

your eyes blew wide at his suggestion, not expecting him to volunteer to carry you like that. “i-let’s just wait for someone to come by… another car has to drive past at some point tonight, right?” you sat back down in the backseat as tsukishima stood with his back pressed against the side of the car. you were stuck.

"damn, why did this have to happen to us?” you buried your face in your hands.

his foot was tapping against the road from the state of stress that was shared between the two of you. you already looked so tired and upset, and it made him feel more agitated. "relax pipsqueak, i'm sure someone will pass by… we just have to be patient.” he sank to his knees and sat against the car, letting out a long sigh.

you groaned, flinging your head back against the seat to look out the sunroof. “ughhhh.”

"our luck, nobody's going to pass by until tomorrow morning. let's face it, nobody drives around this part of town this late at night. we're stuck kei.”

he looked up towards you, and then stared out into the road that stood ahead. you were probably right. "maybe we should just sleep then. i have a blanket in the trunk, it gets cold around this part of town at night so we’ll probably need it…”

“you can sleep on my lap if you want" he smirked up at you in addition to his side comment, taking you by surprise from his forwardness.

your face started burning bright red. ”y-yeah, i guess you're right.” you looked at the front of the car, before turning to look back at him as he stood up again. “i’ll probably have to do that though, you're so tall that i don't think the front seat will be very comfortable…”

tsukishima chuckled as he went to open the trunk and picked up a small blanket. he walked back towards you and handed you the blanket, smirking again. “you’ll have to be the little spoon today, shortie.”

he picked you up and placed you against himself, his chest pressing into your back and the small blanket laid on top of your waists. the feeling was awkward, and you lay there in silence as you stared at the back of the front seat. you rotated your head slightly to look back at him, whispering, ”h-hey kei? can i ask you a question?”

he looked down at you, and his hand began to play with the ends of your hair. "sure, pipsqueak. you can ask me anything." he murmured in a grumbly voice. when his hands started touching your hair, you froze, suddenly unable to think.

"why are you so mean to me, and then act like… this, sometimes? it… it's confusing..”

he stared at you, implying that this was not a question he was prepared for. he kept playing with your hair as he stayed silent, thinking. the silence was definitely awkward, and he could see how uncomfortable you were becoming. he decided to be honest with you, not wanting to lie to you anymore.

"i don't really know. your voice, your face, your personality, everything about you has always been just so annoying, but i think i’ve slowly begun liking you, i guess? i don't know if that makes sense.”

you slowly shifted your body weight to the other side, turning over to look into his eyes. you were face to face, close enough that you could feel his breath ghosting your nose as you looked up. "w-wait... what? you... you... like me?”

you were so close that he could smell the leftover scent of your strawberry shampoo in your hair, making his heart beat faster and have to hold back a moan. he looked into your eyes, your facial expression looking so cute for once. "i think i do pipsqueak."

he looked scared of his own words, that his feelings might ruin the relationship you shared. years of holding the idea of mutual hate and irritation, suddenly turning into love confessions in a cramped car seat. you stared at each other in silence for a minute, unsure of what to do, before tsukishima shifted and began to lean his head down and forward towards yours.

he leaned in closer and closer to you, and you could feel his warm breath right next to your lips. "pipsqueak~" he whispered, just before your lips met.

his lips were soft, and he kissed you kindly as his hand snaked around to hold the back of your head closer to him. he was being gentle with you for what felt like the first time, his mouth almost teasing yours from how light he was being. it took your breath away- you would've never thought you’d be doing this with him. when the kiss finally broke, you sat there, panting and staring into his eyes. he was still blushing, and just looking at you made his body tremble.

"that was... uh…” he looked at you with his eyes darting around in uncertainty. he just kissed you, and neither of you could believe what just happened. “uhhm… pipsqueak? can i kiss you again?”

you were shaking, your breaths coming out short and heavy. you definitely didn't expect that. "y-yes kei" you whispered. he leaned closer to kiss you once again, wrapping his arms around you so he could hold you even more closely.

"god i want you, pipsqueak.” he whispered in your ear while moving to kiss your cheek. you whimpered at his words, eyes squeezing shut. it made you blush- you weren't expecting him to say that.

he suddenly sat up, pulling you up onto his lap as he began to kiss you again, more passionately. faster. harder.

after the first two kisses, he definitely wanted more. he wanted you to be his, and only his. ”i think i might love you, pipsqueak.” he murmured under his breath. your breath caught at his words. love? kei tsukishima loved you? a moan left your throat as he continued to kiss you, your mind and thoughts blurred by all of this.

you both didn't want your lips to stop touching, feeling like you could finally be happy for once by just kissing each other. your lips were his heaven. he began feeling your body and running his hands through your hair as he started to kiss and nibble you on the neck. "baby, i want you so bad~" he whispered in your ear.

a long whine escaped your mouth as you felt his teeth tug at the skin on your neck, his hands beginning to trail under the back of your shirt. “w-w-want you too kei" you breathed out.

he let out a small exhale at your words, smirking to himself. his hand began to explore your body more, feeling the curves and bumps of your soft, sexy skin. he wanted to be with you right there, and he wanted you to be his. "you are so soft, pipsqueak-" he whispered as he kept kissing and licking at your neck.

your neck was so sensitive, more sensitive than you thought it could be. his actions were making you go crazy, and his hands touching you at the same time as his mouth was almost too much. the noises you were making were loud and constant. your hands began to trail from his shoulders down too, trying to trace his abs through his shirt.

his lips kept moving further down your neck, leaving hickeys as he kissed your neck like a starved man. "pipsqueak-" he whispered seductively into your ear, as if the nickname was now a dirty word.

you moaned loudly when you heard him say that, your head rolling back, exposing your neck even further. his hands lowered to your ass, gripping it and lifting you slightly to pull you closer to him. your chests were now touching, and you could practically feel all of him. your legs were on either side of his, pressed against each other so close you could feel the other’s breaths and small shivers. you could feel his body heat as you became closer and closer to him; your hips, your waist, your legs, all pushed against his.

he leaned in closer to kiss your neck, trailing his tongue from your ear along your jaw, tickling your throat. he could finally feel you, everything. you were one. his hands slowly tightened around to your hips, grabbing them and starting to pull them back and forth, aiding you in grinding atop him. the feeling made you whine even louder.

“p-pipsqueak..! o-oh my god..." his jaw dropped and his cheeks turned bright red when he began to feel your movements. his heart was racing as he tried to keep himself from making noises, but he couldn't help it. he was surprised that you continued grinding on him, but then again, he wanted this too- he wanted you. his body was becoming sensitive, reacting to your touches and movements. he continued to kiss your neck, slowly moving his tongue up the open skin as he felt your warm friction.

it felt so good, you felt closer to him than you could have imagined you’d ever be. your uniform skirt didn't leave much fabric between the two of you, just his pants and your small panties rubbing against him. "k-kei...aH" your voice caught when you felt his arousal poking you, at the same time as him biting your collarbone.

"p-pipsqueak, i have to..." he couldn't finish that sentence, he was becoming too sensitive to keep his cool. his hands were shaking, as he struggled to take off your skirt. his fingers found the buttons, quickly removing them and throwing your skirt into the seat next to you. he ran his hands under your shirt, warm fingers brushing against your skin as he began pulling your shirt and bra up and over your head at once. the air was cold, and your breathing was heavy as you sat atop him in only your panties.

"k-kei... please…”

it was hot now, and he was still wearing both his shirt and pants, the fabric now rubbing against your bare skin. you began to touch all over his body eagerly searching for more contact. you were so close to each other, your body on his, your legs wrapped around his waist, and he began to let his hands wander around your soft, smooth skin.

"baby... i want you so bad… i can't wait anymore.” he whispered in your ear as he started to kiss your body all over, his lips finding every inch of your skin as his fingers started to explore as well. he was sucking hard against whatever skin he could reach from his position, wanting to mark you, claim you.

your moans and whining became louder as his lips and hands went to places they hadn't touched before. you tugged at his uniform top, trying to quickly unbutton and take it off of him. you wanted to see him more, make it even between the two of you. he made a loud noise when you touched a sensitive spot, mumbling something about volleyball bruises, before gripping your hands and taking control. he wanted more, he needed more.

tsukishima quickly threw the rest of his shirt off and snaked his hand up from your thighs to your hips as he lifted you with one of his arms, the other reaching underneath himself to yank his pants down to his knees. placing you back down on his lap, where underwear was the only barrier that protected you from touching each other, making you whine louder and his eyes roll back once he felt your heat.

his heart started beating super fast, and he was sweating lightly in his anticipation. he could feel you, your thighs, your hips, your breath, everything. when you shifted your weight to lean in and kiss him again, it pressed his clothed cock against the wet spot in your panties, making him groan loud and shiver. god, you were his. he took off his boxers, making him more vulnerable to you. you were one, and you were more than just friends now.

he stared into your eyes as he slowly reached towards you, lifting you again, pulling your panties to the side, and lowering you down on his cock. the moan that left your mouth was deafening, and made his eyes roll back. you were lightly panting as you tried to slowly sink onto him, your eyes squeezed shut. “i should have known how long you’d be, considering how lanky you are.”

“shut up.” he grunted, bucking his hips as almost a punishment for your response, slamming balls deep into you. your mouth hung open and your head flung back, looking like you wanted to scream but couldn't. your expression turned him on even more, and he grabbed your hips, aiding them in moving on him.

you felt him slowly, gently, moving you up and down, your legs and arms wrapped around him like he was your safe place. his eyes were locked into yours, his hands holding you around him as if all he wanted was to keep you close to him, keep feeling you. your grip around his chest was practically choking him, your gummy walls squeezing and milking his cock. your breath was shaking and your legs were quivering as you started moving. “fuck! you’re so tight, baby.”

you wouldn't have believed it if you told yourself a few hours ago that you’d be doing this with tsukishima kei, fucking him in the back of a car on the side of the road, but here you were. enjoying all of it, whining and moaning at the top of your lungs for him.

”k-k-kei..." you couldn't form full sentences as your hips rocked back and forth against his.

your hearts were exploding as you moved. your body against his, it would be a sin not to enjoy it. he was feeling you all over with his large calloused hands, slowly and gently exploring you. he kept you close to him by holding your hips tight, nibbling at your neck and jaw. you were his lover now, and the world outside the car didn't exist. only the two of you, only intense pleasure.

you were mewling, it felt so good. his hands trailing your skin made goosebumps form and you shivered under his touch. "kei i-i.." a groan left your throat as you felt his cock bump your sweet spot.

hearing your moans, he couldn't keep his cool anymore. he felt like he was losing himself and that he was going completely insane from your touch. he began moaning and whispering praise into your ear, coaxing you to continue even more. "pipsqueak, please... don't stop."

you started moving quicker, bouncing up and down on his lap while your mouths were glued to each other. your stomach was beginning to feel twisted, and you couldn't help it when your whines got more constant. his body was twitching with every sensation that was made, and he had lost all his patience. he didn't want it to end, he wanted the night to go on forever.

he was sweating heavily even though it was cold inside the car. he felt crazy, insane, like he had lost every feeling of logic in his head, and it was all about you and him. his moans were becoming louder now, the sound of leather squeaking against hot skin amplified each time you moved.

"k-kei? i-i'm close" you whispered out. your legs were squeezing even tighter around his hips as you moved, almost like a warning.

he felt you, and your words made his heart stop. "baby... can i..." he looked at you, begging you for permission. "can i…” he whispered.

you nodded your head furiously, panting and looking into his eyes. ”yes... please.”

tsukishima felt like he was going to blow up, and he was begging you silently to just do it. his body was shaking so hard because of what you were doing to him. even though he was trying not to, he looked so desperate, staring into your eyes as you were riding him harder and harder. "baby, i'm all yours”

you felt him buck his hips, his cock ramming up and hitting that deep spot inside you that had you seeing stars, and that was the final thing to make you explode. you tensed up, practically screaming your whines out as your body shook around him, gripping his shoulders so hard you were sure your nails would leave indentations in the morning.

he was barely controlling himself, whimpering your name over and over again just hoping you were enjoying him as he was enjoying you. the look on your face, the way your eyes were squeezed shut, your voice mewling, your cunt squeezing and fluttering around his cock. everything about you was making him lose control. he closed his eyes and moaned loudly through gritted teeth. "ohhh my god baby… fuckkk…”

you felt him tense up, and his cock began twitching inside you as he came, a warmth spreading through your core. you looked up at him, both of you panting heavily as you leaned up to kiss him again.

the sounds of the two of you breathing mixed together, almost synchronized. he was panting heavily, but he continued to kiss and hug you like he couldn't get enough of you. when your mouths finally split, you started to lift yourself from his lap so you could sit on the seat next to him, only to feel his warm cum begin to drip out of your pussy once you began to move. you stopped, looking down, and shaking as a moan left your mouth at the feeling.

"pipsqueak, i, uhm, was that..." he looked a little bit scared, staying silent for once, waiting for your response and wanting to help you as much as possible, he didn't want anything bad to happen to you.

you nodded slowly, chuckling at his reaction. "it's you kei…” you looked back up at him, “-it’s okay, thank you.”

tsukishima stayed silent, still trying to process what happened. "thank you too, baby." he whispered to you. his face was still flushed, but he was starting to calm down. "are you okay? i didn't hurt you, did i?”

you looked into his eyes, smiling. ”i'm alright kei..." you giggled, "you've hit me with a volleyball before, many times. don’t worry about pain.” he smiled at you, he was glad you were okay. the conversation felt flat, almost nervous, but it was still sweet.

"yeah, that makes sense." he laughed gently. you shuffled off of his legs, sitting next to him in the backseat. the air between you two was awkward now, with the only sounds cutting the silence being the sounds of nature outside the car and the heavy breaths you were still making. "so what are we gonna do now?" he whispered, staring up at the night sky through the sunroof.

the stars above you were beautiful, the wind felt soft and peaceful. you looked up, watching the view above you as you tried to think about what just happened. “...don't really know to be honest…”

you took a breath and swallowed. "i mean, we could go back to acting like we hate each other, pretending this never happened…” you paused, glancing over to his face, then whispered, “...or do you want to do something else about it?”

"mmm, i don't think we can just forget about this..."

suddenly, a smirk crossed his face and he began to laugh a little under his breath.

"okay, i have to admit, the first time i met you, i thought you were gross and a pipsqueak, and i didn't expect that i would ever be in a situation like this with you. it's insane... but, i want to be with you now, i want to be your lover. can i be your lover? can i make you fall in love with me?" he asked with a soft voice.

you smiled, turning your head to look at him. "i have to be honest, i thought the same way about you. you were always cold and bitchy towards me from the start, and i didn't know why, so i had just decided to return that back towards you... and now? i don't think i can do that anymore.” your reached up, brushing some of his fallen, sweaty hair away from his brow. "i think i might like that though.”

tsukishima took your hand in his and softly smiled. he wasn't the same guy you knew, he was different now, he was vulnerable. he whispered to you. "i never want to be away from you, i want to share everything with you. i’ll be your lover. i'm yours now.”

a soft smile spread as you nodded, leaning up to press a small kiss on the tip of his nose. his whole body was filled with butterflies and he was blushing hard at your response. "pipsqueak, you are adorable." he leaned into you again, resting his head on top of yours, burying his face in your hair. "can we stay here for the rest of the night? just the two of us?" he mumbled, sighing, "don't wanna leave.”

you nodded, shuffling to be closer with him, curling your body to press with his. you grabbed at the small blanket that had long since fallen to the floor and draped it over your bare bodies cuddled next to each other. you knew that in the morning, things would be different. things would change. and you couldn't determine if that would be a good or bad thing, but at that moment, it was just you two, in your own little world of the backseat. you fell asleep with his warm arms wrapped around you, your face tucked into his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breaths as you drifted off, not waking until the sun rose the next morning.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

a/n: the fic was named after a song they play nonstop where i work & it lowkey matched the fic a lot lol, if you wanna listen to it as a prerequisite it's "back seat lover" by mayer hawthorne :)

tag list, comment to be added ^-^

@tsukiran , @msbyomimi , @sun-yo , @leenmizeke , @kei-tsuki21 , @hissy-fit18 , @totallynoanalien , @riiceandsoup , @ks-tsukki , @qyiyiqng , @yuri-2004 , @c1nn-amon , @em-writes-posts , @longhairandnormalhairtsukkisimp , @goryki , @blackreadersalty , @dinotittes , @utaralita-blog

if your username is bolded, your blog isn’t showing up for me to tag! i’m sorry!

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bonebabbles · 3 months

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I keep starting and abandoning posts that go into my drafts, as I try to stay tasteful about how fucking revolted this part makes me. Like, I'm legitimately unsure if the very relevant trauma I have is making me see things that aren't here

But first we see that Star Flower is trying to ingratiate herself to the group, just after she reappears from chapter 5. Chapter 5 is about how Clear Sky is still abusive towards his son, and she comes in after stroking his ego, stressing how alone she is, and appealing to how she'll be loyal unlike his child. (She glances over at Thunder, directly implying this.)

Now in Chapter 9, she's babysitting and trying to care for Milkweed's kits (in spite of discomfort from Milkweed), taking a wet sleeping space away from the others, and pulling more than her own weight "without complaint." Putting herself through harsh sitations to prove her worth.

All while trying to appear extra attractive to Thunder, and later Clear Sky. Basically every man in power who can "protect her"

Like, am I going fucking crazy? With how we later find out that Star Flower was "promised as a mate" to One Eye's subordinate Slash, is... is that hypersexualization? One of the extremely stigmatized symptoms of sexual abuse?

She goes to find Clear Sky alone to throw herself at his paws, and he's very quickly attracted to how she promises to perfectly obey him, have no needs of her own, and finally be the perfect servant that he desires

"I don't deserve your trust because I am dirt. I understand you because I also regret something. I'd die for you. I'll never betray you unlike those who have."

This isn't manipulation. She means this. The story is playing their romance sincerely. She's comparing "betraying" Thunder by telling her own father about an assassination ambush to Clear Sky's history of child abuse, physical assault, and murder

She believes she's on the same level as this; a monster who murdered a childhood friend in a fit of entitled rage. She was a victim of One Eye who really believes that the way her father used her means she "understands" this monster, deserves this treatment.

And Clear Sky LIKES that.

He likes that she will have COMPLETE FAITH in him. That she will follow him WITHOUT QUESTION. That she will OBEY his orders. That's fucking verbatim, that's THE TEXT!!!

WHILE HE'S STILL CRYING ABOUT "ive tried to atone every day" FOLLOWING THE LAST TWO BOOKS WHERE THE ONLY SHITTY THING HE DOESN'T DO IS MURDER INNOCENT WOMEN

Am I insane?? Am I wrong??? Am I missing something here???? Why the fuck is the fandom takeaway "haha sexy girl steals his dad." Did I read the same book

#Csa mention #Did they once again do a misogyny so hard they accidentally gave their woman character trauma #My tip to anyone in a draining relationship. If your partner fetishizes that YOU would never leave or betray them unlike ''all the others''#RUN.#There may be a reason their exes cut ties with them and they're praising you for ignoring red flags #Especially when your partner is significantly older and more experienced #Theres nothing noble about constantly suffering for the sake of 'loyalty'#Star Flower PLEASE get out of here you dont fucking deserve this you did nothing wrong #Bones reads dotc #Dotc hate #I thought i was just remembering things wrong when i was adding the subtheme of thunder having a connection to star via abusive dads-#-in my dotc rewrite. But no it's right there. It's in the text and it's something clear is attracted to #I abuse the shit out of my son and he left me once over it #But i can abuse this girl his same age and she won't run. Finally! A victim who won't leave!#And then they become mates and she births at least two litters #Cw abuse #sa mention #EDIT: I've changed the language just slightly #because the timeline COULD work out that starf was an adult when she was promised to slash for a very brief window of time #and hypersexualization is a symptom of trauma resulting from many types of sex abuse. Even that done when the victim was an adult.#it's just more common in CSA

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churchofthecomet · 4 months

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gamers, the target audience of this post is roughly zero people. but in case you're one of those zero people, you should know:

Neurolinguistic programming (NLP), the psychological manipulation technique that Sophie Devereaux claims to use on Leverage, doesn't actually work. It's a discredited/pseudoscientific branch of psychology that's only good for selling self-help books and sham therapies. The manipulation Sophie does with marks is more accurately called covert hypnosis or conversational hypnosis (since NLP is mainly used in pseudo-therapeutic environments -- taking it "on the street" is its own thing). It's slightly more controversial than therapeutic NLP, but it probably isn't effective either. See the Talk page for the covert hypnosis Wikipedia article since the article itself is being skewed by an NLP true believer.

What Sophie is doing is 10% blatant, obvious, simple manipulation that has little to do with NLP (eg acting really sexy about cars in s3e8) and 90% magic because she's on a TV show (eg implanting ideas about the guy's new password in s3e2).

Everyone's skills on this show are presented unrealistically. Hardison's hacking is completely nonsensical, and Eliot's victims routinely pass out for 5-10 minutes, but don't end up brain damaged or dead. I think Sophie's "skills" deserve a special mention because the idea of NLP is still being sold by actual con artists. If you give money to an NLP therapist, you'll at best see no change in your mental state, and at worst miss out on real life-saving treatment or end up in a cult.

#leverage #sophie devereaux

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dduane · 8 months

Note

Hello Lady Duane! 😊 (I feel that if we can call Neil Sir Gaiman, you certainly deserve a title as well!)

I've wanted to tell you for ages now that you are one of my absolute favourite Trek authors, have been since I first read some of your novels over a decade ago as a teen - my parents and I have about? 4 or 5 copies of The Doctor's Orders between us, German and English alike (my dad even bought a copy to keep at the office for reading during his lunch breaks). The Wounded Sky is another one of my favourite Trek novels ❤️

My sister and I also occasionally watch old Barbie movies for the nostalgia. So when we watched Fairytopia a few months ago, we found out that you had written the script for the movie! I literally let out a happy yell when I saw you show up in the opening credits and went "omg, it's Diane Duane!!" That was so unexpected but also very delightful! 😊

And now, thanks to you being on tumblr as well, I found out about your other novels and bought your ebook bundle the other day. :D I'm currently a bit over halfway through So You Want to Be a Wizard and I just wanted to let you know that I'm enjoying it so very much!! ❤️

Thank you for all the wonderful words over the years! It continues to be a joy! 😊💜

Hi there!

Regarding titles: Well, okay... as long as everybody's clear that as a US citizen, titles are usually off the menu for me. (As an Irish one, not so much—the government can approve the use of them if it likes—though the neighbors'd snicker at me down the pub.) Anyway: I accept gratefully.* Though yelling "Yo, Trekkie!" might well be just as effective. :)

I'm glad you've enjoyed my Trek work! It's always been very satisfying to do. The chance to actually write professionally in what was my main fandom (after Holmes) during my late teen years has been a most unexpected—when I got started—and extraordinary thing.

And as for Fairytopia: That was a lot of fun too, and also unexpected. My agent just called me up one morning and said "How are you about Barbie...?" and I said, "Well, okay I guess, I had the usual number of them!" —and we were off. The Mattel people were fabulous to work with, and I look back on that whole project with affection.

Meanwhile, I'm delighted you're having fun with the first of the Young Wizards books! There are plenty more of them in that package (still discounted) that conform to the new timeline, which now launches in 2008 rather than the mid 1980s. (Book 10 of the series didn't need that treatment, and so isn't available in a revised edition.)

Anyway: thanks for letting me know. It's always nice to find out that I'm getting the job done. :)

*But also: according to the usual protocols, Neil—when they finally get around to knighting him, probably when a more literature- and intelligence-friendly government takes over—will properly be "Sir Neil": as UK knighthood's an acknowledgement of the person, not the family, and knights are therefore addressed by their first names. (Not to fret: people from both sides of the Water sometimes get this detail backwards.)

(...Be fun if they stuck him straight into the Lords, though. Usually, if you don't want to use your last name in your lordship's title, you can select the name of someplace in the UK that has personal meaning for you. Seeing Neil ennobled as Lord Neverwhere would be a trip.) :)

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arteastica · 8 months

Text

early in the morning, especially when it rains, and a little before noon. (10)

erwin x fem!reader

chapters: (1) | (2) | (3) | (4) | (5) | (6) | (7) | (8) | (9) | (11) | (12) | (13) | (14) | (15) | (16) | (17) | (18) | (19) | (20) | (21) | (22) | (23) | (24) | (25) | (26)

summary: I basically took Isayama’s work, forced it into a romance story, and made Erwin the love interest. Commander meets cadet and they fall in love (not instantly though)

notes: very berry canonverse (but some events were modified to fit my narrative), wasn’t intended to be this long, but it all is in the details right?

content warnings: smut where it fits (or where I make it fit. Also, reader is NOT underage, so likewise, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, please.) slow burn (I really mean it. I’m not olympic diving into any form of smut for the first chapters.) no angst. I dislike angst. I would never. I could never. (Although angst can be somewhat subjective so take it with a grain of salt?)

wc: 2.3k

The holidays had always been your favorite time of the year. You never waited for the first snowfall in order to start daydreaming about generously spiced cookies and thick, melted chocolate. When it came to fantasizing about buttery batters rich in raisins, and biscuits dusted with brown sugar and cinnamon, you were always months ahead everyone you knew.

But the holidays weren’t just about desserts. You also craved the savory dishes your mother laid out on the dinner table, and the equally warm conversations that always came along with them. You craved the familiar sight of your parents sitting by the fire, your father, indulging in his favorite book, and your mother, in a steaming cup of chocolate. You always kept them company, from your favorite spot by the window, where the sight was just as comforting and homey. You enjoyed looking at the white, thick blanket that covered the narrow streets, and the yellow lights that glowed through the neighboring windows. You liked to think that inside those houses people were also enjoying good food and a good laugh in good company.

Everything about the winter holidays was warm and homemade, and that’s exactly why you had never spent a single one away from home. Even during the three years you lived at the training camp, you always made sure to be back home with your family by the time the holidays rolled around. And this year would be no different.

And so, for weeks now, you had been counting the days, as it was tradition. Only that this year, it had felt more like a back-to-school countdown than anything else. ‘Anxiety’ and ‘reluctance’ had replaced ‘anticipation’, in both the sentences you wrote in your journal every night, as well as in your mind. However, you weren’t surprised. Not when the obvious reason was on the other side of the door you were about to knock on.

You lifted a hand and gave the hardwood a couple of tentative taps. He told you there was no need to announce yourself before coming in, but it was already way past working hours, and you weren’t sure he would still be awake.

When you heard his familiar voice, your heart lightened a little. Leaving without seeing him, at least one more time, would be as ridiculous as going to the doctor and leaving before receiving treatment.

You pushed the door open and, as soon as he saw you, he rose from the couch he had been lounging on. If the swiftness of his movement and the tentative smile now present on his lips were anything to go by, he was just as surprised to see you as you were to find him wearing nothing but a pair of jeans and a white shirt, partially unbuttoned.

Your nails dug deep into your own skin, all while wishing it was his instead. His bolo tie was discarded on a nearby table, and so were the straps of his gear. The flames dancing in the fireplace behind him, and the steam coming from the mug placed beside the chess board, made it feel as if you were stepping into something intimate and personal. What you had before you, was a sight deserving of a dozen diary entries, and you knew you would write them once you were back home. For now, and for the sake of your own sanity you decided to focus your attention strictly on his eyes instead.

“Oh, I’m sorry to interrupt you, commander, but I’ll be leaving first thing in the morning and…” Your nails buried deeper into your flesh, as if testing to see if you had the courage to say it. “I wanted to see you before that.”

You stared directly into his eyes. There was a certain boldness that only became available to you once darkness descended, a certain notion that whatever impulsive actions were committed under the moon didn’t really matter, because their consequences would reset come morning anyway. That’s why ghosts waited for the sun to leave in order to haunt forests, and so did the howling of wolves. And maybe that was also the reason why your honesty didn’t exactly bother you. Your feet had brought you there to see him. There were no papers he needed to sign, no questions you needed to ask, no tea or cookies you wanted to bring him. No tricks or excuses up your sleeve. He was the only purpose of your visit.

“I’ll confess your absence has me worried already.” He started making his way to you as a playful smile graced his lips. “I don’t know what I’ll do without those butter biscuits and hot tea in the afternoon, but,” you couldn’t help but notice that the innocent crinkle in his eyes didn’t match the picture his exposed collarbones and prominent Adam’s apple were painting, “I’ll try to survive without you.”

Me too. “I’m pretty sure you’ll be just fine without me, commander.” Now that he was close enough, you noticed he smelled like all your favorite spices, and the tinge of cherry on his lips told you it was probably mulled wine in his mug.

“That’s debatable.” His voice sounded several octaves lower than usual, and you didn’t need to time travel to know that you would be missing it for the upcoming weeks. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

“Go ahead.” You replied, happy to cling on to anything that would help you put off your departure.

“That night, at your doorstep. What was it that you wanted to tell me?”

His eyes were so different in moments like these, when it was just the two of you. It was as if the 13th commander of the Survey Corps was gone, and the only one left in his place was Erwin Smith, the blond man who loved chess, boring history books, and sweet afternoon treats. The owner of those distinctive eyebrows and those sapphire eyes that, right now, were drilling into you, all your emotional walls and reservations, with such piercing vulnerability. If it were anyone else you would drop your gaze, but with him, you were drawn closer instead.

“So much.” You took a deep breath, the type that usually precedes a long speech or a lengthy confession. “For one, I don’t understand why everyone here likes ale so much, and I have no idea how ODM gear works either.” As the words left your mouth, your feet diligently worked on closing the distance between your bodies. “I think I cheated on a test once, and performed so poorly on my physical examinations I almost failed all of them.” His lips twitched slightly, as if wanting to form a smile but stopping halfway in fear of interrupting the flow of your ideas. “I cry at least once a month, especially when I’m bored.” And in that moment, boredom seemed such a foreign and absurd concept, because how was it possible for anyone to be bored when the world had such wonderful views to offer, like his shirt and the way it clung to his body, for example. The fabric was close enough to show the shape of his chest, and unbuttoned enough to unveil skin generously sprinkled with light brown hair. “I’m completely clueless when it comes to chess and I hate to think that I will never be able to impress you in a game.” In such intimate space, the air was even more infused with his cologne, making it all the more difficult to breathe. “I spend too much time in my head, overthinking everything. But oddly enough, the only thing I can never think too much about is you. It is never enough.” Your fingers found his hand at the same moment his eyes found your lips. “Commander, nobody thinks about you as much as I do.” You interlaced your fingers with his. “Not while doing the things I do.”

For a while, the snapping of firewood was the only thing breaking the silence of the night, as he stared into your eyes, and his hand held yours firmly. But then his lips parted slightly.

“Well, for one, you don’t need chess to impress me.” With his other hand, he tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear before cupping your cheek. “I can’t guarantee I can make boredom disappear, but I’d be delighted to give it a try whenever you need me to.” His thumb stroked your skin lovingly, and his gaze, his touch, as well as his words, all felt like the warmest of cardigans. “There are many young men here thinking about my assistant the way I do. I’ve seen how their eyes follow her, how they linger on her. And I know that look all too well myself.” You could almost feel the rising and falling of his chest against you, and you wondered where had all the oxygen in the room gone. “But I must admit it satisfies me to know they don’t get to have her as close as I do everyday, and especially not as close as I do right now.” His thumb caressed your bottom lip softly, the same kind of gentle squeeze farmers give peaches when trying to tell if they are ripe enough. “Sweet, we like ale because it’s sweet, and also quite nutritious. And on that note, I would explain more about that, as well as how the ODM gear works, but that would take too long, and I really want to kiss you right now.”

You knew that sensation. You had felt it before. It used to happen quite often when you were a child, around this same time of the year. When you woke up, and ran downstairs to find all the presents you had been waiting a whole year for, all of them beautifully wrapped. Excitement filling you up completely and seeping through your lips as you smiled. As you smiled in anticipation of the wonderful time you had ahead.

“But, commander, I thought chess helped you stay away from impulsive decisions.” You used a playful tone to match the beaming grin you were now wearing, as you signaled to the chess board he had been giving all his attention to before you stepped into the room.

“This is anything but impulsive.” He assured you before finally closing the distance between your lips. And you were glad his arms were around you, holding you tightly, because there was no way your legs could, not anymore. Not when his lips were finally moving against yours.

It was mulled wine in his mug, for sure. He tasted like cinnamon and anise, like oranges and honey, spiced with a little bit of brandy. It felt like a summer, a wonderful one, spent under lemon trees; like a rogue spring night in late July. His kiss was smoky, mixing in with the smell of burnt wood and the sweetness of his cologne. His lips were soft, and so was his bristly chin, rubbing against your skin. And you decided this was your new favorite sensation.

His lips moved slowly and gently against yours. He kissed you like this was the only chance he had, like he would never get to do it again, almost as if you were a character in some dream he would soon wake up from. His lips and his hands confirmed in their soft, silent way that this hadn’t been impulsive at all.

His tongue, or rather the sudden appearance of it, elicited a moan, that made you feel as if you were whispering in a library. There were rooms nearby, and in the quiet of the night you knew any sound you made would be magnified, but you couldn’t help yourself, not when his tongue was drawing such delicious patterns inside your mouth. Oh his tongue, turns out it was just as skilled at kissing as it was at forming words.

You didn’t know how long you had been kissing him. It could be a minute or ten or even a century. You didn’t really care. And even though your lips were starting to feel sore, you had no intentions of stopping. Your palms were resting on the toned muscles of his chest, as the slow movements of his tongue patiently unraveled what little remained of your self-control. And whatever little remained was finally lost when his big, curious hands ventured a little beyond the small of your back, making you moan again. Loudly, this time. The same kind of sound you would make when biting into a juicy peach on a scorching summer day. And it all made you aware of the painful discomfort present between your legs. It was hurting like never before. It hurt from thinking about him, naked, hovering over you, strands of gold sticking to his forehead. And most importantly, it hurt from craving to be filled up by him.

And so, despite feeling like you could kiss him forever, you pulled away slowly. He was looking at you through heavy eyelids, his lips were red, a little swollen, and glistening with your saliva. You smiled at your work, the same type of smile artists give their sculptures once they’re finished. And you couldn’t help but think about how wrong you had been on that day in the forest: you didn’t want to fuck him, you wanted to make love with him.

“Commander, touch me.” Your words didn’t seem to register with him, because all he did was staring at your eyes. So you decided to guide his hand under your skirt, and between your legs, where you needed him the most. “I want you to touch me right here.”

“I’m not sure I should.” He said before pulling his hand away.

next chapter

taglist: @elnyrae @angelaevangelion @depitaangeline @ynackerman9499 @afatalheat @pumpkin-toffee @velouria17 @gassytritis

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innerstrugglesworld · 8 months

Note

Spa day with the brothers??

Spa Day with Demon Brothers

1. Lucifer

You have to invite him first. For Lucifer, doing activities unrelated to work is a waste. But since you asked for it, he's willing to make time for you.

He let you choose whatever place and treatment you want. But usually, you both do it in his bedroom. You want him to use your sheet mask? Got it! Put those mask to his face! Want to paint his nail? Just do it, honey. He's yours.

2. Mammon

Mammon circles important dates in your calendar so that you always remember to have a spa day with him. He is a model afterall. His look is important.

He takes you to the fanciest spa in town, and books the couples package for the two of you. Sometimes you feel bad that Mammon spoils you so much. But hey, you deserve it! he's willing to give you the world if you ask.

Don't worry! Relax and enjoy the spa!

3. Leviathan

Since Levi has social anxiety, it's kinda hard to take him outside. You and Levi usually do spa day at home.

You two find a 5 minute crafts video on top life hacks to achieve the perfect spa day. He looks nervous and excited to do DIY Spa Day with you.

4. Satan

He’s already been having spa days before meeting you. He discovered the therapeutic benefits of massages, the calming effect of hot baths, and the tranquility of the spa's serene atmosphere

Now, whenever spa day rolls around, Satan is the one who guides you through the various treatments. He recommends specific massage techniques, helps choose the best aromatherapy oils, and even brings his favorite books to read in the spa's relaxation area. You are surprised by his knowledge but secretly appreciate his expertise

5. Asmodeus

Asmodeus is the ultimate spa enthusiast in the Devildom. He's the one who suggests and plans spa days for the group regularly.

He's an expert at spa treatments and can even give massages that rival the professionals.

Asmodeus always arrives at the spa with an extensive collection of beauty products, face masks, and aromatherapy oils, ready to share with you.

He takes spa day as an opportunity to give beauty advice and you secretly appreciate it, knowing he's the most knowledgeable on the subject. Additionally, Asmodeus takes dozens of selfies during spa day, showcasing his radiant skin and making the day an Devilgram-worthy event.

6. Beelzebub

Beelzebub initially wasn't too interested in spa days. However, once he experiences his first spa day, he quickly changes his mind.

Beelzebub discovers the joy of relaxation, especially the post-massage feeling, which helps relieve some of his stress from training.

He becomes the heartiest eater during the spa's post-treatment snacks and even starts suggesting spa days himself, primarily for the post-spa feast. Beelzebub finds the combination of relaxation and indulgent treats the perfect way to recharge his demon energy.

7. Belphegor

Belphegor initially resists the idea of a spa day, claiming he'd rather be sleeping. However, once he's convinced to give it a try, he becomes the master of power naps during spa treatments.

He strategically schedules his treatments to align with his usual nap times, ensuring he can get the maximum amount of sleep while still participating in spa day activities.

Belphegor's relaxed, half-asleep state during spa day becomes a source of amusement for you, who playfully tease him for his ability to doze off anywhere.

He secretly appreciates the tranquility of the spa and its contribution to his overall well-being, even if he won't admit it openly.

masterlist

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ꒰ ㅤ like and reblogㅤ ꒱

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fanfic-lover-girl · 2 months

Text

Romione Hot Take

So I have seen arguments from Dramione antis claiming that Dramione would only benefit Draco (re. Draco's redemption) and Hermione would just be a prop to Draco's redemption arc in an AU where Dramione was canon.

And I kind of agree? I do think Hermione could benefit somehow from the ship if I think hard enough but Dramione mainly benefits Draco when you look at it from a surface level.

But I would pose to Romione fans that this criticism applies to Romione too. But in the reverse: Romione benefits Hermione more than Ron.

Off the top of my head, I can recall various and numerous moments where Ron was very caring and protective of Hermione. Like Ron covering Hermione with a blanket (or something like that), Ron screaming when Hermione was being tortured by Bella, Ron praising Hermione for being brilliant, Ron showing concern when Draco hit her with the growing teeth jinx, defending her against Snape in book 3 etc. Of course, Ron has his jerk moments but the dude is a teenage boy. He learns from his mistakes and it's nothing to crucify him for.

I can't say the same for Hermione. When I think about Hermione's treatment of Ron, the first moments that come to mind are moments where she is dismissive, cold and belittling Ron. Nothing Ron has done can top Hermione's vicious canary attack and the way she shows absolutely no remorse for it (she even jokes she is tempted to do it again in book 7). Or when Hermione doubted Ron deserved to be prefect in book 5. Or the Scabber and Crookshanks' fiasco and Ron was the one who was made out to be the bad guy. Hermione does care for Ron in her own way, not saying she doesn't, but it's sickening how the narrative constantly vindicates her. And plus there are a few moments where she shows care for Ron that make her look bad because it involves hurting others. Like how she sabotaged Cormac in tryouts so Ron could be goalkeeper. This is not as romantic as it seems.

I can't believe I keep defending a ship I don't like. But I am tired of seeing Romione fans toss stones from their glass houses. Several criticisms they level at Dramione shippers (most of whom they blanket label as rape apologists and sexists) can be applied to their canon ship.

Romione is not the ultimate romance. I am sure that if Ron treated Hermione the way she treated him, people would have a different tune about this ship. Ron deserved better than Hermione. Ron deserved someone who would build him up and could reciprocate his caring nature. Because Hermione ain't it.

Ron does not need Hermione. Ron is a sociable guy and has other friends and can make more friends. When JKR remembers to treat Ron with respect, the guy is smart enough on his own and he's probably the most emotionally intelligent of the trio. He's definitely the one with the most common sense. Hermione needs him more than he needs her. Romione does little for Ron. Sometimes I feel that Romione is just there to make Hermione feel special IMO. Romione and Hinny serve no great purpose as ships except to ensure our main characters can pop out their annoying offspring in the epilogue. If you take out the ships, nothing really changes.

That's my random TED talk. Not interested in hearing any defence about Romione either. I don't think there is anything that can endear me to this lacklustre ship.

#anti hermione granger #hermione granger critical #anti romione #slight dramione defence #dramione critical #ron weasley #ron weasley deserved better #harry potter series #draco malfoy #anti hinny

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callmeklair · 7 months

Note

I wonder what are your favourite pairings in DL? Can you give us a rank of DL ships 👀

//contains route spoilers and sorry if it gets a little long 😭

there are so many cute and adorable ships, in their own way, that it took me years to select my fav ships, and here they are with rankings:

1. shinyui: aside from shin being embodiment of anger and impatience, i seriously have lost the count of how many times i have re-read his DF route, like the character development and their bonding is so wholesome. the way yui is ready to give up everything even if it means she will have to keep running away from people for the rest of her life with shin, she was ready to throw it all just so she can be with shin and shin trying to push her away so that she can be happy in a comfortable place instead of being stuck with him in his mess and get targeted. even in LE he pushed her away scared that she might get endzeit and suffer from its symptoms and he didn't want her to wither in pain and would rather let himself go through it alone than see her harmed.

2. carlayui: his character development was so smooth and amazing to watch, seeing him and yui bond over books was also adorable to watch especially it was the first time his soft side came out, i think it was also due to Yui that he gave up on taking revenge on karlheinz and instead BOWED to him just to bring yui back to life.

3. shuyui: shu giving yui queen treatment by still being his lazy self>>>>>>>> the difference in shu's behaviour can certainly be seen from the first game and the latest game despite keeping the same lazy attitude. the development is so good, if i keep talking this post will become endless.

4. reiyui: Reiji slowly opening up and protecting yui in his own rational way by planning instead of going all fighting so that she won't be hurt or get involved in this dangerous battle is the best character development. yes he was like that from the start about planning and all that, but he who was prideful and always boosted of being a vampire started to question where vampires come from and if they were originally human in DF route. and he even said that he will choose yui over being a vampire. and in his more blood vampire ending, when little Reiji said how servants are afraid of him and his inventions because his mother and brother are distant from him. Young Reiji also mentioned how he always carries his self made ointment around because his brothers are clumsy but nobody wants to use it. proof he was the best boi from the start in his own way.

5. subayui: SubaruYui was my first ship that i would do anything for. I mean my tsundere gentle boy deserves the whole world. I haven't read HDB routes much because too much violence isn't my cup of tea ik ironic but i did read manga and also his MB route, there was a lot of development I can say. and let me not get started on his DF route, not only in his route but it can be seen that subaru had soft spot/feelings for yui in others' routes too, even in kou's LE route, he didn't give up on Yui. He is very protective of her in anime too, probably why they were my first ship.

6. rukiyui: his DF route and anime is what attracted to me this ship because of all the angst. His MB route and CL route definitely didn't disappoint me. In DF he pushes away Yui to not betray karlheinz but later confronts karl as yui is the most important person and the best thing happened to him in his life aside from his brothers. In the MB he was even ready to become a snake and actually became a snake to take yui away. His CL route felt like I was reading a married couple's life and it was refreshing to read compared to all his other routes which involved angst and drama

7. kouyui: The ups and downs in his MB route for his character development was understandable especially after knowing the kind of environment he was in. there were times when I just wanted to smack kou so badly on his head for his treatment towards yui. Then i read his DF route and it was literally all angst and i think when yui said "what do you mean useless!?!???" when kou said he cannot become Adam while crying, thinking it's useless for Karl's plan but still wants to love her after almost ahem himself from the terrace and Yuma & Azusa saved him from his own pool of blood.

8. azusayui: i just recently started reading his DF route and oh my god he is literally the best boi, I'm still reading his route but he is already getting into my heart because he is such a cinnamon boy 😭.

one of my fav ships is ayayui too but the way all the above ships have raised my standards... i still love them and enjoy their content.

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jake-g-lockley · 1 year

Note

13, 7, or 5 for frankiee

Crossroads of His Heart (Frankie Morales x reader)

Masterlist | Spotify Playlist | Want to be tagged?

Prompt: “would you acknowledge my feelings for you if i kissed you right now? you can’t seem to take a damn hint, [name]”, Glancing at you but immediately looking away when you catch them, Almost kissing but someone walks in 0_0

Warnings: Mentions of substance abuse, small mentions of mental deterioration

A/N: Look, soft and pure Frankie deserves all the love and affection this world has to offer cuz HAVE YOU SEE THOSE DAMN EYES :”)

Word Count: 2.1k

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“Good morning, Mr. Morales!”

Your bright and silvery voice cut through the heavy Monday morning air like a beautifully crafted katana. Frankie looked up and gave his usual small smile, before taking a sip of his coffee.

You joined as Frankie’s assistant at his advisory firm a few months ago and you were absolutely enraptured with your boss. The funny thing about everything is that whatever you felt for Frankie was magnified tenfold coming from his direction and he shields his feelings well enough, despite the usual occurrences of the bubble bursting.

You were like an open book and it made it easy for Frankie to fall headfirst into his feelings for you. Frankie always knew all the little things you liked and knew your little quirks. For instance, like now, you'd always steal a little of his coffee. You walked to his table and grabbed at the coffee, taking a sip before setting it down and sitting at your seat.

He started to make coffee for you and bring it to you in a little flask, but you'd always refused so he found a small loophole. He’d drink his own coffee at home and only take a small sip at work as an illusion that you were drinking his coffee. You almost always finished the whole flask and at the end of every time, Frankie would smile to himself at your silliness.

He slowly began to find his happiness again when you came into his life. He found himself enjoying the simpler things in life and he smiled genuinely more often. His dreams became softer when you were the main character, making him wake up with hope. He used to desire substances that altered his mind and pulled him away from his misery but he slowly started to rely on you as a replacement and whatever fatigue he was feeling slowly morphed into purpose. He didn't want people to think he was giving you special treatment but he couldn’t help but spoil you, buying you little books and trinkets that you'd croon over, your smile playing over and over in his mind.

At times, he would catch himself looking at his hands and can’t help but see blood on them. He sometimes would find himself not being able to touch you, and when his fingers would brush against yours when handing you something, he would quickly pull away and feel guilty. You never knew his past, but you knew he was sensitive about it. You never asked, never questioned the way he acted, just taking it in stride.

You knew he had something on his mind, the way you would feel his doe eyes on you while you worked and how he would quickly look away when you looked up. Frankie’s heart was at a crossroad. He wanted to maintain the professional relationship he had with you. But he could not stand the thought of seeing you with anyone else but him. He wanted you with so much pure intention that he felt an ache in his heart. He fought his desires as hard as he possibly could, drowning himself in his work.

Today, he unexpectedly asked you to join him for dinner with his friend Santiago and Santiago’s current love interest. You politely refused as usual but Frankie was insistent and he had that look in his eyes that you could not refuse. The drive to the mall was silent and Frankie kept adjusting his hat and fidgeting in his seat, his fingers tapping away at the steering wheel. You wanted to grab his hand and hold it, to soothe him, also maybe because you were feeling fidgety too.

“Quit fidgeting, Mr. Morales, you’re making me nervous.” you said softly.

“We’re not in the office, just call me Frankie.” he chuckled. “And ‘m not fidgeting.”

“You so are, Frankie.” you emphasized his name with a click of your tongue that almost made him choke.

You turned your head to look at the passing landscape as Frankie continued to stare forward, his knuckles now gripping significantly harder on the steering, a small smile playing on your lips.

You trail beside him looking around the bustling mall. There were many people despite it being a Monday. There were many families and you were distracted with a particular family standing by a cotton candy stand. The man was kneeling in front of his heavily pregnant wife and she had a little spool of cotton candy clutched in her hand. He was pressing his ear to her tummy and giggling every time she took a bite of the cotton candy. You stared dreamily until the couple morphed into two people who were a little more familiar to you.

You watched with wide eyes as your clone combed your hands through Frankie’s hair. He had his chin on your tummy and was staring up at you with so much love that you began to stretch your arm out towards him. Suddenly, you felt a tug at the hem of your cardigan, pulling you out of your little daydream. You turned to see Frankie who raised his eyebrows at you and blushed, going back to trailing after him. Frankie smiled to himself, shaking his head at how you were staring at the cotton candy machine.

Dinner was more awkward than you ever expected. You now knew why Frankie wanted you there. He looked tense as he eyed Santiago and his new lover, the way the both of them were practically on top of each other. You eventually placed a hand gently on his knee and he surprisingly didn’t jerk away. You continued to stare forward, nodding at whatever blabbering nonsense that Santi’s date was talking about.

You tried to arrange your face as best as possible as you turned to Santiago. You knew that good looking man could definitely do better, you made a quickl note to tell him about one of your cute and smart friends who loved men with salt and pepper hair and questionable personalities. You bit your inner cheek to keep you from laughing but Frankie was already watching your expression and he chuckled into his chocolate smoothie. You smiled, knowing that he knew what you were thinking of.

You looked over and your eyes were on his lips that were wrapped around the straw and he narrowed his eyes, thinking you wanted the smoothie. He passed you his chocolate smoothie and you took a sip without thinking twice, your normal ritual with Frankie, before noticing that the table went silent.

“Well, well, well, when did this happen, Fish?” Santiago asked with a huge grin on his face.

“What happened, what’s happening?” Frankie looked around, genuinely confused.

“YOU GUYS ARE ADORBS!” squealed Santiago’s date and you were so tempted to pickpocket Santiago’s phone and key in your friend’s number.

You could feel Frankie stiffen beside you and you took full control of the situation before he could say anything. Poor guy was chewing on his bottom lip like he was determined to bite it right off.

“Nothing. Is. Happening.” you said between gritted teeth, shooting Santi’s date a menacing smile and the both of them stopped, going back to their food.

After a while Frankie got up to go to the washroom. There, he scrubbed his face and groaned at the intrusive question that Santiago pushed. He now knew you were uncomfortable with the way you killed the suggestion as quickly as it was brought up. He took steady breaths to calm himself from the rejection. When he finally hyped himself up to leave the washroom, you were standing there at the sink, washing your hands.

You greeted him with your usual smile and turned to leave at the same time as him, but it was a tight squeeze and you both found yourself squished against each other. He looked bashful and you laughed nervously, being squeezed in such a tight space with your boss. He suddenly shifted and you felt the air around the both of you change.

He was eyeing your lips, and you were looking at his. Slowly got onto your tiptoes and got closer and closer as your face tilted, your eyes hooded. Your lips were literally a hair’s width away from his when all of a sudden, someone walks into the wash, making the both of you scramble.

Frankie walks out and you wash your hands again trying to calm yourself. You looked in the mirror and took a deep breath, wiping your palms against your jeans.

“Everything is alright, you probably just imagined that,” you softly murmured to yourself as you glanced at the space that trapped Frankie and you.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You and him walked to the car in complete silence. He holds the door open, like the usual gentleman he is but you could not read his stern expression when you dared yourself to take a glance at him. He starts the car and suddenly stops and gets out without a word.

“Frank-” but he was already walking towards the entrance.

“Maybe he forgot something.” you mumbled to yourself and slump against the seat.

He came back a few minutes later and you saw that he was carrying something that you could not see. He entered the car with a sigh and your eyes lit up when he handed you a stick with big fluffy cotton candy on it. You dove nose first into the cotton candy and Frankie let out a soft laugh that churned at your insides, lighting something beyond you on fire.

“Thanks Frankie.” you mumbled with a mouth full of cotton candy.

He just hummed and kept looking at you as you devoured the cloud of candy. He sometimes found it hard to breathe, as if it were a chore that would cost him too much of his energy but with you it felt effortless, and he found himself breathing easily again. Frankie was so lost in his own thoughts of you that he almost missed you calling his name.

“Yea?” he answered, bringing his focus back to the present

“Would you acknowledge the feelings we have for each other if I kissed you right now? You can’t seem to take a damn hint, Mr. Morales.” you giggled.

His eyes widened and he stared at you open mouthed, trying to say something. You grinned at his reaction and instantly leaned in and caught his lips in a kiss. Your free hand cupped his jaw and you brushed his soft beard with your thumb, until his lips began to move against yours. Frankie instantly lost himself and pushed his seat down before pulling you onto his lap without breaking the kiss. He groaned at the sweet taste of cotton candy on your lips and you smiled against his lips as you gently settled atop his thighs.

His hands busied themselves, plucking the bare cotton candy stick from your hands and tossing it aside before guiding your hands to his hair, letting out a soft whimper as you pulled at his soft curls. His hands felt up your spine and cradled your head, pushing you flush against him as he licked into your mouth. In that instant, he wanted to devour you the same way you did to the cotton candy, but he felt a pressure in his lungs and he realised that he had not been breathing

He pulled away for a breath and went back for another few soft kisses that made you giggle slightly. He was dizzy and your soft sweet scent had taken over all of his senses, making him only think of you, you and you. You pulled away to take a look at him with the lighting of the dim parking lot. His lips were parted and soft whoshes of air were puffing out of his mouth. You slide your hands down to his chest to feel his beating heart and his head lolled back against the seat at your action.

He didn’t need to tell you that he was smitten with you, you already knew as you lay your head against his chest and wrapped your arms tightly around his waist. Took him a few moments to come through but you felt a feathery kiss on your forehead as his own hands rested against your hair.

“Thank you, baby.” he whispered as he relaxed under the calming pressure of your body weight.

“What for?” he pulled one of your hands from around him and kissed your sticky fingers.

“I’ll tell you when the time is right, now just lay here with me.” he whispered again before lacing his fingers with yours and closing his eyes, savouring the moment.

Tagging: @joygirlmelii @wolfbook87 @in-between-the-cafes @bodhisattva11 @nyotamalfoy @minigirl87 @alexxavicry @lia275 @euphoricosmo @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction

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