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topguncortez · 10 months

Note

Ice comforting gooses sister after his death. Maybe with a touch of people blaming him for the accident

- @topgun-imagines

When We Were Young | | T. Kazansky

Masterlist | Iceman Masterlist

synopsis: Tom Kazansky isn't a man who lives with many regrets. . . but this has to be one of them, and sadly, you get wrapped up right in it.

word count: 2.1k

warnings: character death, tears, depression, angst, probably grammar and spelling errors.

note: maybe possible blurb night?? I don't have to work tonight and I actually feel inspiration:) i also did just hit 5.3k:)))

Ice felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

He knew what he did. He knew that he should’ve gotten out of there when Maverick told him. He knew that he didn’t have that shot lined up, but there was just something about Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell that got into his head and made him act reckless. And because of that, Iceman had to hold you up from crashing to the ground as you got the phone call from Carole that your brother was dead.

Ice knew that the two of you had an unbreakable bond. Your mother had passed when she gave birth to you, and your dad was in no shape to take care of you. So, it all fell onto Goose, who was just eight years old at the time. I’ve had always wished to have the type of brother-sister bond that you and Goose had. I’ve hated his siblings and wanted nothing to do with them.

Ice knew the moment that he watched Goose’s early ejection that he gone, but he didn’t have the heart to tell you. He wasn’t even sure if it would’ve been easier to hear it from him or not. Your knees had gone weak and sobs racked your body as you begged Carole to tell you that it wasn’t true. That somehow, someway the Navy had gotten it wrong. That they called and told the wrong Carole Bradshaw that the wrong Nicholas ‘Goose’ Bradshaw was dead.

When Ice decided he had enough of you sobbing uncontrollably on the kitchen he floor, he walked over to you, and gently put a hand on your shoulder.

“Baby, you need to breathe,” Ice said, as he gently pulled the receiver from your hand. Carole had long since hung up and the dial tone “C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”

He picked you up like you were nothing, carrying you with ease to your shared bed room for the time being. He changed you out of the clothes you were wearing, and slid on one of his Navy PT shirts, that was more of a dress than a shirt on you. He held you tightly against his chest, feeling the wetness from your eyes hit his skin. Ice ran circles up your back until the sobs faded to quiet whimpers.

--- --- ---

“They said it was quick.” Carole’s voice was barely above a whisper as you sat next to her in the day room of the barracks.

It hadn't even been twenty-four hours yet, and she had invited you to come with her to gather Goose's things. Carole wasn't sure that she could keep up a brave face in front of Bradley by herself, but you weren't sure if you were going to be much help either. It had only been about three hours since you had your last cry sesh, and you were feeling that all too familiar burning sensation in your chest again.

"I guess that's good," You muttered, looking over at Bradley who was flipping through the pages of some magazine which you weren't all too sure wasn't a Playboy.

"He was gone before he hit the water," Carole scoffed, "You know he always had a fear of the ocean ever since that trip to-"

"I know."

You didn't mean to cut Carole off, but you couldn't sit here and tell happy stories while your brother's best friend was collecting all of his things to give to his widow.

Hell, it didn't even feel right to call Carole a widow. The woman had barely turned 30.

It was silent for a moment, before Carole spoke up, "How was Ice last night?"

The sound of your boyfriend's callsign from her lips caught your attention, as you looked up from Bradley.

"Why do you ask?"

"He was in the air with Mav and Goose when. . . when it happened."

Now this was news to you.

But then you realized, you hadn't even bothered to see how this was affecting your boyfriend. Goose was the one who introduced the two of you back when he was at the academy. He tried doing the whole "older brother, stay away from my little sister" bit, but it was no use against Tom Kazansky's killer smile and your soft baby cow like brown eyes. Tom "Iceman" Kazansky was smitten from the moment he laid eyes on you and it had been history ever since.

"Did he say something to you?" You quietly asked Carole.

"I. . ." Carole started, and then sighed, "Maverick said something when he came and saw us. He said it was a mistake, that it was a stupid error. That he should've known-"

It was as if he knew they were discussing him, Iceman pulled the door to the day room open, standing in the doorway. He was dressed in his service khakis, ribbon rack and gold plating all perfectly shined. But you weren't looking at his perfectly done dress uniform, no, you were looking at the sad look in his baby blue eyes.

"Tom," Carole greeted, standing up from her chair. If there was one thing about Carole Bradshaw, it was that she was a hugger. It didn't matter if she was literally going through hell, she was going to hug you either way.

"Hi Carole," Ice greeted the woman, giving her a quick squeeze, before releasing her, "You guys been here long?" He was looking right at you, but you weren't sure what to even say to him. It had been a game of Tom Talks and you just look at him for the past couple days.

Carole looked between the two of you, before clearing her throat, "No, not long. Maverick is just gathering Goose's things," She turned to look at Ice again, "You should wait with us," She said softly to him.

Iceman nodded and walked over to where you were sitting with Bradley. The little boy smiled and reached for the man he considered another uncle. Usually, the sight of Iceman and Bradley made your heart do jumping jacks, but right now, it was as if a boa constrictor had found its way around it.

The four of you waited in painful silence, you staring at the silent movie playing on TV, until the door opened again, and Maverick stepped inside. Carole had managed to keep her tears at bay until she saw her husband's best friend.

Maverick, for lack of better words, looked like utter hell. His green eyes were full of sadness and guilt. He looked as though he hadn't slept a wink in days, and was about to collapse on the spot. In his hand, he held a simple copy paper box that had been filled with the rest of Goose's stuff. A Naval Officer had come by the day before and took all the things that rightfully belonged to the Department of the Navy.

"God, he loved flying with you, Maverick," Carole said, her voice cracking. You and Ice stood up, as Carole got out of her chair to greet him. She wrapped her arms around him, giving him a tight hug. You couldn't help the pang in your chest as he handed Carole the box.

"But he would've done it anyway... without you," Carole sighed, "He'd have hated it, but he would've done it." Maverick nodded. Carole gave him one more hug and a kiss on the cheek, before turning around and holding her hand out to Bradley, who ran to his mother in an instant. Her blues eyes looked up at you, and she gave you a sad smile, "We'll wait for you."

All you could do was nod. Leave it to Carole Bradshaw to know that you needed the truth more than anyone in this room. Once the door was shut and Carole was out of earshot, you looked at the two men standing in the room.

"What happened?" You asked.

"Baby, I already told-"

"No," You cut Tom off, and looked over at Maverick, "What happened?"

The brunette man gulped, looking quickly at Ice, before looking at you, "Ice was trying to take a shot on a boogey, but he was taking too long to get missile lock on it. I had the perfect shot lined up, but Ice needed to move out. I kept telling him to take the shot or move, but he wouldn't. And when he finally did, it was too late. We were in his jet wash. I lost control, went into a flat spin. . ." Maverick shook his head and looked at his shoes, "The ejection failed. Goose hit his head on the canopy. Killed him instantly."

Your brown eyes were filled with tears as you turned to look at Tom, whose jaw was clenched tightly, his eyes filled with regret and guilt.

"It was an accident-"

"If that's what you choose to believe," Maverick spat, "I think you were trying to teach me something and you got my best friend killed."

"I had the shot!"

"No you didn't!"

"Maybe, if you hadn't been flying so god damn close and not trying to swoop in and-"

"Oh piss off, Kazansky, you've been waiting for your moment to-

"Enough!" You yelled. Both men looked at you shocked that you had raised your voice. Compared to Goose, you were always the quiet one, sticking to stay in the corner while Goose liked to bet he center of attention.

"Baby, let's go-" Tom reached out to you, but you pushed away from him, "Y/N. . ."

You couldn't say it out loud, you were afraid of your heart would break in your chest. Instead, you shook your head and turned to Maverick.

"Take me home?"

The brown haired pilot nodded, putting his arm around your shoulders and ushered you out of the room.

Ice couldn't help the burning sensation of tears that welled up in his throat. He had heard the whispers of his fellow classmates for the past couple days. He knew what they were thinking, but to hear it said out loud, in front of the one person he didn't want knowing about what had happened that fateful day in the air, broke him. Tom knew he was already branded as ice cold, and now he was sure that he would never escape it.

Ice stood in the silent room for a moment, before turning on his heel and going back to work.

taglist form

taglist: @phoenix1388 @desert-fern @mygyn @yanna-banana @seitmai @topgun-imagines @bradleybeachbabe @na-ta-sh-aa @startrekfangirl2233 @xoxabs88xox @bradswolfe @fandom-princess-forevermore @angelbabyange @lovelywiseprincess @pono-pura-vida @krismdavis @dakotakazansky @callsignartemis @starberryhorse @gspenc @poppyalice2001 @els-marvelvsp @nyx2021 @t0kyoreveng3rs @spencvrr @kmc1989 @toobouquet @malindacath

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coffeeailee · 27 days

Text

an extremely bad day .

chars . sigma , fyodor dostoyevsky , nikolai gogol , osamu dazai x fem ! reader ( SEPARATELY )

fandom . bungo stray dogs

synopsis . of course females have to deal with periods , which is an extreme nightmare for females due to how painful it can be , luckily your boyfriend is here to save the day and help you with your period !

genre . fluff

warning . CRINGE , NICKNAMES ( DOVE , BELLADONNA , ETC )

note I : probably ooc , error spelling / grammar ( THIS IS MY FIRST TIME SO PLZ BEAR WITH ME 💔 )

When he realized your instant mood change, he could've sworn yesterday you were so happy ! And now you ... looked really mad. He thought he had committed something wrong or thought you misunderstood something, which made him extremely scared. Poor sigma, he doesn't even know what was going on until you explained how period works and the side effects.

Eventually, after he was finally done dealing with the casino customers, he immediately went there to comfort you and tried to help you by cuddling with you as you groaned and complaining in pain due to how painful the cramps were.

Of course your boyfriend is there to listen while cuddling with you as you keep complaining, just keep talking for twenty six hours, he wouldn't mind at all, he doesn't actually mind hearing you talking all day. Sadly he has to deal with the customers at the casino too, so maybe not always.

Not only that, he'll most likely try to find a way to spend more time with you and try to find a way to make you feel happy so you could forget your cramps, he actually genuinely feels upset you have to go through such a pain ! He's definitely going to try his best to make you feel comfortable, cozy and definitely happy so you wouldn't feel irritated because of your period !

Overall, he's an extremely caring boyfriend who definitely will try his best to help you !, you're his significant other after all, of course he's going to help you as much as possible! he already promised himself that he will make you happy as long as you're with him, together.

" Is... is this warm enough for you?, if it's not warm enough I can get you some blankets and make you a tea. I don't like seeing you in pain at all, so if you need something please tell me. " he smiled slightly while caressing your head as your head was on his chest , cuddling with him before smiling back at your sweet boyfriend , you were extremely glad you have a boyfriend like sigma. He planted a kiss on your forehead awkwardly before continue cuddling with each other and eventually fell asleep together.

you don't even need to tell him, actually, before you even know you are having your period , he already knew what was going on . It was really obvious to him since he always observes you , after all , this is fyodor we're talking about.

"Fyo , can you help me buy some-" before you get to finish your sentence , expect the stuff you need in front of you immediately. This man literally marked when you're going to get your period in his calendar , plus he's already prepared for this ever since he started dating you. So don't worry , if you need something he is most likely to have it in the house.

he's probably not weirded out and doesn't mind your tantrum, he's completely fine with it. Oh? You want chocolate? , you got it. You want plushies? , how many? nevermind , he'll just buy hundreds of them , he's confident that's enough. This is his любовь we're talking about.

If you're emotional and always cries every time when you're having your period, he's there, don't worry about it. Just like what has been said, he doesn't mind your tantrum at all. He's literally calm while here you're sobbing and bawling your eyes out. But it's okay, you wouldn't be sad anymore, he's here for you, so why bother being sad? He's here to comfort you and wipe your tears away

Overall, he's the type of boyfriend that's prepared for his other significant needs, albeit he doesn't show much emotion about it, he actually does care. He's definitely experienced and knows what you need for your period , he also might play the cello for you if you request him to play it for you while you're about to go to sleep as you're having your period.

" Моя мышь, are you unable to sleep? " Fyodor whispered quietly as you were unable to sleep since your cramps were saying no to sleep. He only huffed gently before planting a quick , but yet passionate kiss on your cheek as he grabbed a blanket and pillows for you, and put it around you so you could feel comfortable. He eventually started playing his cello for you, before smiling slightly, he was relieved that you were finally able to sleep.

Oh? What was that? Did he just hear you're having that time of the month!?! Be not afraid! Your silly boyfriend, nikolai is here to smooches and kisses you everywhere! Cuddles are a must if his poor little dove is having cramps.

He would definitely pull pranks on you, who knows, maybe it might be effective!

Nevermind it wasn't effective, you were mad and he's fucked up. But that's okay! He'll comfort you with his tricks , a trick that only his dove knows and no one else!

Since he has a teleportation ability, it'll be easier for him to get stuff you need. Though, when you asked which store he got it from, he never dared to answer the question. What? Of course not!, he would never steal people's items! , well, at least that's what he said. Even a toddler would know that was a lie, it was too obvious because he kept smiling.

If you're clingy when you're having your period, he's definitely gonna giggle happily like a high school girl giggling every time she sees her crush in the hallway, it makes him super special, especially YOU hugging him! Gosh you're gonna make him explode and he might go insane at any moment!

Overall, he's definitely the annoying boyfriend when you're having your period. He makes you angry sometimes, but you still love him anyways, he's your silly lil clown. You appreciate his attempt at making you happy even though it didn't end well at all. But you're glad he's actually trying, because it proves that your silly boyfriend actually does in fact care for you.

" my dearest dove ! , I cannot help but feel nothing other than pain every time I see your face looking upset, allow me to perform a trick that has only been shown to you ! " Nikolai grinned stupidly as he hid his hand inside his coat before a portal appeared behind you with Nikolai's hand holding a flower for you, you were about to grab the flower until he suddenly attacked you with kisses. He also still kept that stupid and yet adorable grin.

Your mood swings, your food cravings. That's more than enough for him to confirm that you're in fact having your period right now, at first he doesn't understand why you don't want to tell him anything about it, after thinking a while about it he finally thought it's because you're embarrassed, it makes sense but why hide from your boyfriend?

He will immediately take advantage of this by taking a day off so he could spend his time with you, he's too lazy to do work and get scolded by Kunikida! He's not interested in hearing Kunikida scolding him for three hours. However, you're an exception, he doesn't mind hearing you talking for hours, talk about anything you'd like and he'll keep it in his memory for eternity until he has finally left this world. But if you force him to go to work, Kunikida would start to shed tears and start saying "thank you" for million times for making Dazai go to work and doing his work.

He might be lazy, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't do any errands for you. You're his significant other, he doesn't want his belladonna to suffer while having a period! That's just too evil and cruel! Let him do it instead. just get a snack, rest, stay comfortable and cozy, and listen to him, okay? He'll promise he'll get home as fast as possible if he's doing your errands.

If you asked him to buy you some pads for your period, he wouldn't hesitate to do so. But please show him what pads look like first and then tell him which specific pads you want... Because if you don't, well, just expect Dazai to come back home with diapers instead of pads.

Overall, he's quite a decent boyfriend. He definitely knows your food cravings and doesn't mind doing your errands at all even though sometimes he doesn't like it. Plus he knows what to do, except the pads part... Because Dazai accidentally bought a lot of diapers instead of pads... You two might need to eat instant cup noodles for a while.

" Belladonna, let's keep staying like this. " Dazai smiled brightly and warmly while eating instant cup noodles along with you as you both were on the futon and watching the television. Even though it wasn't much, it makes you extremely comfortable as Dazai leaned his head on your shoulders and still kept his smile.

extra note : AEUGH I'M SORRY THAT I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED DRAFT VERSION OF THIS 💔 EVEN THOUGH ONLY COUPLE PEOPLE ( I think ... ) SAW IT I STILL FELT EMBARRASSED 😭... but srsly , I could've sworn that I posted it as draft... Did I hallucinate again or some shit ..

#bsd anime #bsd x reader #dazai osamu #dazai osamu x reader #osamu dazai x reader #sigma bsd x reader #sigma bsd #dazai bsd #fyodor x reader #bsd fluff #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #nikolai gogol bsd #nikolai bsd #fyodor bsd #bsd x gn reader

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alovelyburn · 1 year

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Hello Hello!

I have a question for you;

Currently in the Berserk manga, what does the character Griffith feel for Guts?

If you've already answered a question like this, feel free to ignore it!

And I'm sorry if there are any grammatical errors, I'm not fluent in English!

Hey there, thanks for the Ask! No issues with your grammar as far as I can tell.

So this is a good and often debated question. The most mainstream/accepted perspective in the western fandom is that he doesn't have any feelings of his own at all anymore and every emotional reaction he has is down to the MoonKid.

I personally think that as it stands, that's a bit of a stretch for the simple reason that Femto was already unable to make himself hurt Guts directly during the Eclipse. So where did that come from if he has no feelings at all? As bad as it was, the sexual assault on Casca is another point in this direction, because there's no reason for Femto to have done such a thing unless it derived from the twisting and corruption of Griffith's feelings as a human man - it's spiteful petty bitch behavior and Femto is really only ever spiteful and petty with Guts.

The other thing is that... I know I go back to the Japanese fandom vs. Western fandom thing a lot, but I do it for a good reason... much of what I've seen in Japanese discussion of the Moonkid issue suggests that many people think the Moonkid is just a part of Griffith himself anyway rather than an independent individual. Don't know whether that's true, but if so then obviously Griffith's feelings are all his own feelings.

Now all that said, speculation on why Griffith feels what he feels aside, here's my take on what he feels:

Griffith is extremely emotionally suppressed or disconnected. His emotions seem quite blunted at best or entirely absent most of the time at worst. Even so, there's the repeated hint at something there that hasn't faded out yet. It's not as overt as say Griffith's strange fixation with protecting Casca - which is a whole weird thing to itself - but it's powerful enough to keep him from directly hurting Guts in any substantial way. Notably he never really fights back or responds to Guts' violence with the sole exception of one time when he telekinetically pushed Guts away to avoid getting hit. It also results in him, for example, giving Guts long soulful stares from afar when he approaches a city as Guts is leaving it via boat.

Long story short, I think whatever remains of the person Griffith was will always love Guts. This is likely the reason he couldn't kill Guts during the Eclipse, and the reason he never responds to Guts when he attempts to attack. It's also probably the reason he never lets Zodd push their battles beyond a certain point, and the reason he sought Guts out post-reincarnation to test his own frozen heart. But it seems hardcore suppressed, probably all the harder because it was so integral to the reason he chose the Sacrifice to begin with - his feelings for Guts are literally part of what he was trying to escape.

I also think those feelings are probably still in there somewhere - I imagine they may be revisited at some point before the end of the series, or at least they would have been, sob. Who knows about now.

SO UH. Long story short.

-I think at least part of Griffith still loves Guts, but he's disconnected from it and has suppressed it.

-But he continues to act on it even if he doesn't always understand why he does the things he does.

-The Moonkid is probably enhancing those feelings and their effect on Griffith's behavior, but what that means depends on the role Moonkid ends up playing in the narrative.

#ask #generousluminaryblaze #ariel talks about berserk

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elleloquently · 2 years

Text

stranger things volume 2 spoilers. this is not going to be cohesive whatsoever, just some thoughts put together because i was really loving volume 2 but then it felt spoiled and im still mad so here we are

i hate what happened to max. like to my core i absolutely hate what happened to her and i just cannot imagine why she needed to end up in a fucking coma. we have the dear billy episode, which was so fucking beautiful and incredibly well done and max did it! she escaped from vecna! only to almost be killed 200 more times and ultimately end up in a coma??? it feels like they couldn't decide if they should kill her or keep her alive and putting in her in that horrid state and then frozen in a coma just feels so frustrating.

eddie. i knew from the beginning that eddie wasn't going to survive this season but i loved him anyway and totally sobbed when he died. he died a hero, and no one besides dustin even acknowledged. everything about it was devastating. so why on earth did no single person have any emotional reaction to his death except for dustin??? why did everyone seem fucking fine?? that seemed so out of character for me.

nancy and steve and nancy and jonathan. from the very beginning i shipped nancy and jonathan, i think they have such a good dynamic together and work so well together and im really rooting for them to work things out. what i dont love is how they keep alluding to steve and nancy getting together. i genuinely feel like that will ruin so much for me, it feels backwards even though they've grown as characters... i LOVE nance but her starting to have feelings for steve again while IN A RELATIONSHIP with jonathan is borderlining on ruining her character for me. nancy is amazing, i hate her whole story being around which guy she'll end up with. fix her relationship with jonathan or leave her single.

vickie. im so sorry but instantly i cannot stand her. im sososososo relieved that robin beat the death allegations !!!!!!!!!! and i have the softest spot for her but god.... i hope vickie doesnt stick around. i HATE when a character is introduced solely to be a love interest and that.... feels exactly what vickie is. she's boring and all they did was attempt to give her the same personality as robin, like come on. if you want our girl in a relationship, let the story build into one naturally, don't just force her into one with some random character. i really didn't want to see vickie on my screen making sandwiches, i would've preferred idk,,, someone acknowledging dustin's feelings???

steve harrington is like the love of my life and i was so scared for his life but he SURVIVED and i feel nothing but relief but also,, did he seem different to anyone else too?? i feel like over the seasons hes had the most amazing character development, he cares so much about the kids and he has such strong friendships with dustin and robin and its all very loveable and consistent until this volume?? i feel like he spent the majority of the time with nance, like he ignores everyone else when she's around but not in a good way and its one of the reasons why i wish they would retire that damn ship. it feels like they can only pick one between steve, the well rounded and developed character or steve with nancy..,,, like his personality and friendships don't exist when they're teasing a relationship with nancy and i hated it . a lot. the steve harrington we know and love would be absolutely devastated about what happened to max. the steve harrington we know and love would have acknowledged eddie, and been there for dustin and comforted him and hugged him??? yeah, it couldve happened offscreen, but thats... not good enough. it didn't feel true to his character. he had like no response to anything (except nancy!) and genuinely that spoiled so much for me.

there's probably so many errors and grammar issues but im typing this fast and i havent slept but yeah there's a lot of issues that kinda ruined it for me???? there were a lot of moments i loved too but these parts felt icky to me and kinda spoiled the ending like the last 30 minutes ruined any positive feelings i had??? kinda wish we could've seen a moment of the whole group just being together and comforting each other esp bc steve's distance from dustin just didn't make sense to me ): he loves those kids and he would've been upset about max being in a coma too. it just felt weird and maybe im being picky idkidk feel free to let me know ur thoughts as well if anyone actually read this???

also i thought it was pretty obvious byler wasnt going to be a thing but ive seen a lot of ppl really angry about it which i understand but people are hating on mike and el for .loving each other? i adore and love will and he deserves the world and hes so kind do you really think he wants el, his friend and sister to be unhappy??? that he just wanted mike to immediately dump el to be with him instead?? no it does not make sense and i thought all of their scenes were very sweet and touching and well done

also everyone was split up so much, I live for the moments they all reunite I really wish we could’ve had a bigger/longer moment of everyone together ):

there's so much more honestly but my brain feels so scrambled and i am tired but i just had to get some thoughts out okay bye

#stranger things #stranger things season 4 #stranger things volume 2

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pigeonp0st · 3 years

Note

Hi :,) love your fics so so much and I have so many requests so you’ll be hearin from me a bit as long as your requests are open lol! Hope that’s ok❤️ I was wondering if you could write a Nat x reader fic where reader was kidnapped by hydra and tortured and the team finds her and bring her back to the tower but she’s different now she has powers and is extremely mentally scarred?

Natasha Romanoff x Reader #7

Words: 2,565

Warnings: Depression, trauma

Notes:

Thank you! I don’t mind at all, thank you for requesting and wanting to in the first place. I think this is my longest fic? Or at least one of...I did it fairly quickly though so sorry for any spelling mistakes and grammar errors.

———

Natasha is scared.

She is more scared than she has possibly ever been, and she’s reckless, and she’s determined, and she’s stupid.

But she finds you. She saves you, and everything else she’s come to regret about the ways she did it, and the way she handled it, doesn’t matter.

She pushes open about the fifteenth door she’s looked through and she sees you, trapped and bloody but alive, tied to a chair, and she’s so full of relief and happiness she doesn’t notice the new haunted look in your eyes.

She rushes towards you, feet pounding on concrete and uncaring of how loud she’s being, and feels tears rush to her eyes.

You’re okay. She saved you.

——-

Natasha is the last person to realize you’re not okay, but perhaps she’s the first to realize the depths of that truth.

She watches you, for the hundredth time since you returned two days ago, and the first ‘wrong’ thing she notices is the way your hand shakes around the spoon you’re eating with.

Then, a couple of hours later she realizes that you’ve hardly spoken.

She hates herself for not noticing sooner, but she has now so she tries to say something, not just about this but about all of the pieces of the broken image Natasha hadn’t allowed herself to see in the relief that she had felt after she had found you.

You’ve always been open and honest with her and she hadn’t thought there’d be a reason for that to change now, but when she asks and reaches out for you you jerk away so fast you almost fall off the bed.

“Don’t touch me, Natasha.”

You growl it out so venomously Natasha is momentary struck frozen. She wonders in the second before you speak again if she has done something wrong.

Then, you release a shaky sad breath and lower your head. “I’m...i’m sorry.”

Natasha says nothing, and so you leave.

—-

“Y/N...she’s not here.”

The mug of coffee Natasha’s holding drops from her hand and shatters violently on the ground. The room is deathly silent, with nothing but the beep from the finished microwave to fill the quiet, and Natasha see’s nothing but you tied and bloodied in the hydra base and hears nothing but the quiet and broken way you had told her you were a “monster now.”

And then she feels nothing but sorrow because this is her fault. She made you pull away, Natasha made you need space from the compound (she asked too many questions again earlier), but she also can’t let you have it.

She is scared again, and she hates how it’s becoming a regular feeling. She’s afraid you're going to get hurt again, so she can’t let you go. Not without her. Not yet.

“I’ll find her,” Natasha grits out, abandoning the glass on the floor and rushing to grab her keys from the kitchen cabinet. “If I don’t in an hour or two i’ll call so you guys can—” Natasha pauses, feeling stupid, “did you...did you call...or text?”

Wanda nods slowly, eyebrows furrowed together. “She answered.”

Everyone waits for Wanda to repeat what you had told her but she doesn’t. Not for a long enough moment that Natasha just considers leaving anyways.

It’s dark out, and it’s thundering, and you didn’t tell anyone you were leaving, so she’s worried. Natasha is worried.

“She said that she needed to escape for a couple of hours, to not come after her, to tell Natasha that she was still breathing.”

A pause. Natasha sets her keys back down.

“She said she was lost, and that she was tired.”

“Lost?” Natasha repeats, her heart stopping for a moment and then leaping into her throat.

“Mentally,” Wanda clarifies, huffing out a sigh.

But you said that you don’t want her to come looking for you, so with all of the will power Natasha can summon she stays, and she waits for you to come home.

——-

Lost, you had told Wanda, but can you be lost when you don’t even remember what you’re searching for anymore. When you don’t remember what it was like to feel ‘home.’

The rain pounds hard on your back, it soaks you wet and makes your clothes stick to your skin the way it did when they were soaked with blood, and it drowns out every noise that isn’t the beat of your heart and the downpour of rain

Hydra had experimented on you and tortured you, and you came out with nothing left of the old you and flames on your hand.

They gave you the power to control fire, to summon fire, to be resistant to it.

That’s what they gave but they took too much more.

The fire you’re supposed to master feels like it’s in you, like it’s burning you away bit by bit and leaving nothing but ashes in its wake, and you’re trying. You tried so hard. You tried to put it out, to stop the change, to reverse it, but you can’t. You can’t so you continue to burn and okay—that was manageable—but it wasn’t supposed to burn Natasha.

It wasn’t supposed to burn your friends.

They look at you now and they see it, Natasha is starting to see it, and you know, you know, you know, they can never love this new you. They will only ache for the loss of the past you—and you never meant to hurt them with change.

There is nothing you can do. All feels lost and hopeless, and you're helpless, so you sit in the rain and shiver with the cold seeping into your skin, and for the first time since you were kidnapped your heart and mind releases itself from the burden of its suffering.

For a moment, looking up at the sky, you’re the old you.

At peace.

——-

You walk into the living room, soaked and dripping water everywhere, and you see Natasha curled up on the couch sleeping.

It stops you in your tracks and has you looking around to check if anyone is there and then moving to crouch by her side to study her.

Even though it feels like every bit of you has changed the love you have for Natasha and the others is still the same. You hadn’t taken time to realize it but it’s such a great relief that you almost release a sob before you manage to bite it down.

The love you have for them is the same, they’re the same, the compound is the same.

As you think about the compound you glance around to see if it truly is the way it was and then you spot a shattered glass mug left on the floor.

It’s Nat’s favorite mug, you realize with a bit of sadness on her behalf.

It isn’t broken too terribly…it’s still recognizable, perhaps it can be pieced back together…

Like you. Maybe. If you still love the way you had, if you still have the memories that you had, maybe it’s enough to make your pieces recognizable enough to be pieced back together.

Or maybe it’s storming outside, and you're soaked to the bone feeling too poetic.

Thunder strikes outside and you jump so violently from both the sound and the images that flash through your head that you almost wake up Natasha.

God, you’re still so pathetic.

With an agonized sigh you push yourself up right again and try to remember where the Avengers keep the super glue.

——

Natasha wakes up slowly then abruptly when she remembers that you’re missing. Fuck, had you not come home last night, Nat wonders, are you hurt, did something happen—

“Y/N fixed your mug,” Clinton says from besides her on the couch, gesturing to the mug on the coffee table. Natasha settles back down. “She said that it probably can’t hold liquid in it anymore, but that if you want to test it and it breaks she’ll fix it again.”

“Where is she?” Natasha asks, ignoring the surge of warmth in her chest in favor of her worry. “Did she look okay?”

“In her room,” he answers, then winces, “or yours.”

“How is she?” Natasha repeats.

Clint thinks about it for a moment. “Physically? I think she’s coming down with a fever. Apparently she was out there in the rain for hours,” He sighs, running a hand through his short hair, “emotionally—”

But Natasha doesn’t let him finish before she’s jumping off the couch and rushing towards your room. You don’t go to hers anymore so when she doesn’t find you in yours she worries that you’ve run again...this time she really can’t let you go. Not while you’re sick.

She can’t—

There’s a note on your bed.

“Stop worrying. I’m in your bed...it’s more comfortable than mine.”

She wishes she could hate how much you know her.

———

When Natasha enters her room it’s to the sound of your raspy coughs and then an out of breath; “i’ve been expecting you.”

Natasha laughs unexpectedly and shakes her head at your ridiculousness. “You’re lighter than usual, despite circumstances,” she says quietly after her laughter dies down.

“Usual,” you repeat, the light in your eyes darkening in an instant. “Usual meaning the past week? Is my...is this me your new normal?”

Natasha doesn’t know what to say, and it seems to make you frustrated.

“You should expect more,” you tell her bitterly, “you should ask for more. You deserve more.”

Natasha steps forward and you physically jolt back. She stops. “You got tortured. What did they do to you?”

You shake your head, once, twice, “stop talking Nat. Stop.”

“You asked me to ask for more. You said I should.”

“I meant other things!” You shout angrily, fire in your eyes. Literally. “I meant you should expect more care, you deserve more than me avoiding you, you—”

“I just want to understand,” Natasha whispers, her shoulders dropping. “I don’t care about anything else, I don’t care if you need to avoid me to deal with things by yourself, but I feel like...like I'm lost too. Like I don’t understand the person I've always understood.”

“Natasha, I'm not ready for you to know me,” you whisper, the weight of her words and your sorrow wrapped around your throat and squeezing out secrets you’d rather keep in.

“You’re not a different person.”

“Yes I am.”

“Hold out your hand.”

You blink at her in shock and confusion but do as you're told. Natasha moves towards you, strides towards you, and you try not to wince, you try not to let the sound of her footsteps bring you to places you’d rather not be.

Her hand reaches for you, you close your eyes—expecting pain because it’s all you ever knew in your haunting week with Hydra—and when you open them again it’s because Natasha has interlaced your fingers.

Her hand...her hand looks the same against yours. It feels the same. She’s touched you since you’ve been back but you were too busy trying not to move away to remember that this used to be the only thing you wanted back when she was just a crush. To hold her hand...then when she became your girlfriend it was a comfort that you thought you’d always seek.

“Is your favorite color still the same?” Natasha asks, voice strong and almost as intense as her eyes.

“Yes.”

“Is your favorite song the same, is your favorite movie the same, is your—”

“All of those things don’t make me who I am,” you stutter, unable to hold her eyes. Where Natasha is strong you are weak. Her strength is the sun, and yours is just a dying light bulb.

“They’re small but they matter,” Natasha insists, looking at you so softly you wonder what she sees.

“Are you still trying?” She asks quietly, “do you still care too much?”

“Yes.”

“You’re in pain,” Natasha notes, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and despising the world for the things it’s done to you when you wince. “You’re scared, traumatized, you leave the room when people are being too loud, you constantly look around, you don’t like people being too close,” she stops, tilting her head. “Care to add?”

“I’m...tired. I don’t even want to get up in the morning for fear of what I'll face through the day—just while doing mundane things. I'm so weak it makes me furious.”

Natasha nods, closing her eyes, “you need to run sometimes, you try so hard to look okay around the others sometimes your jaw physically shakes with the effort, you’re hesitant in everything you do now—”

“Okay.” You cut her off, words shaky. “I get it.”

“I love you. Not loved. I love you. I loved you two weeks ago, before all of this, and I love you in this second just the same,” she cups your cheek and you don’t wince. “I hurt for you. I want to know what you’ve been through, I want you to open up to me, but you’re still Y/N, aren’t you? You’re still the woman I fell in love with.”

“Why are you so sure of that?” You ask, eyes watering.

“You fixed my mug,” Natasha says, breathing out a short huff of laughter. “Thank you.”

“You loved it, Nat.”

“You hated it.”

And okay. “I need time,” you whisper, “time to process and then slowly maybe I can…maybe I can heal.”

With all of the certainty in the world Natasha says; “you will”, and you believe her. “And if you need time then you have it.” She moves to step back, to drop her hand, but you don’t let her.

You grasp her hand where it is on your cheek and with your eyes you beg her to stay, and then you do with your voice too; “not from you. Just please don’t ask me questions about what happened yet. Can we just…” you sigh, glancing down. “Can we just exist together?”

Natasha looks at you, really looks at you, and she sees how vulnerable you are in this moment, how strong, She sees it in the way your hand shakes against her, in the way—

“Say something,” you beg, exasperated, “please.”

“I’m sorry,” Natasha says, chuckling at the glare you give her. “I just love you so much sometimes I need a moment,” and then, she says, easily like there is no other option, like she would want nothing else, “Of course i’ll stay.”

And the sorrow wrapped around your throat like a rope only getting tighter, and the trauma burning away at your insides like an imperishable flame, and the anxiety like boulders on your shoulder only keeping you down, it all goes away.

For a moment, you suspect, just like when you were outside in the rain, but the fact that you can feel this way here, with another person in the room this close to you, with nothing there to drown everything out, it gives you hope.

It’s the first time you’ve seen the light in the darkness, but you think that maybe it was always there.

“Thank you, Natasha. For everything.”

She smiles, softly and full of love. “Thank you for everything, too,” and what she’s really saying is; “thank you for giving me you.”

——

For Part 2 click here

(Takes place about a month later)

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heartlandians · 3 years

Text

Filling Empty Spaces (Amy/Mitch), part 160

Mitch and Amy find an unexpected connection due to absent lovers. Set around season 11.

A/N: I didn’t have a beta for this story, so hopefully there won’t be too many grammar errors.

* * * *

Mitch stared at the phone even though the video was no longer even playing. He could feel the tension lingering as each of them expected the other to say something or him to react. Clearly this meant something to Amy for her to bring this up, but Mitch wasn’t sure if he had all the needed information to understand the significance of it.

What he knew for sure was that the video made him uncomfortable. Maybe it was the way it was filmed, or the sensationalistic feel of the whole blog or that he read the video as one of the #MeToo situations the media was now filled with.

That was why he was at lost about how to react to it. A lot of it depended on what Amy was thinking about it, because this was about her, not him.

As he handed the phone back and glanced at Amy’s face, she looked terrified. Her eyes were welled up, her face pale and the way her jaw almost trembled from anxiety let Mitch know that he had to weight his words carefully.

“In all honesty”, Mitch finally began as Amy took the phone and put it away on her pocket, “I’m not sure why you’re showing me that.”

Amy pursed her lips together, wondering if maybe this had been stupid thing to do. But she wanted to have complete honesty, and if Mitch didn’t know this, he wouldn’t truly understand her.

“Because of what I said; that I don’t want to lead you on”, she explained once again.

“But... how would this explain that...?” Mitch said, almost uncomfortable about the way he was not getting it, no matter how hard he tried.

“This is who I am”, Amy replied.

“This...?” Mitch echoed, raising his eyebrows, almost like holding back a laugh, but also feeling something resembling of concern. “I don’t get it...” he repeated, in need of some assistance.

Amy sighed, feeling jittery. “The comments. That’s who people see me as.”

Mitch shook his head, bringing his hands on Amy’s shoulders.

“Amy, no... What are you even talking about?” he wanted to say, not because he would be accusing Amy of anything, but because what she was saying didn’t make any sense. “Whatever’s happening in that video, that’s only half of it, I assume. The way it’s edited, it’s designed to breed drama. It’s just classic clickbait stuff - anybody could see that. And the comments just prove it”, Mitch stressed.

Amy looked down, letting out a breath that had a promise of sob. “But it was me. That was me on that couch”, she insisted. “And the comments--”

“The comments are from people who probably weren’t even there”, Mitch hurried to say as a reminder. “So... don’t pay them any mind.”

There was a pregnant beat.

“It’s not just them”, Amy finally admitted, now looking up and showing the defeat in her eyes. She was tired, so this would almost serve as her swan swong as this would hopefully be the last time she would have to even talk about it ever again. “If it was just them, I probably wouldn’t even care. But it was my family too. They all thought the same thing. When they saw the video, they-- They saw that that was me. Despite the way I looked, they recognized me in those actions. So that then has to mean that I am like that. That I am that person.”

Mitch let out a long sigh, feeling hurt for Amy.

“They really said that...?” he asked, thinking back all the horrible comments he had just read.

Maybe it was because he was still somewhat new to Amy, but the whole blog post was almost the exact opposite of what he was thinking about Amy. He had not even recognized her in the video, to begin with, and even now the whole situation seemed bizarre.

Amy nodded.

“Georgie saw the video first and she... couldn’t believe what I was doing to the whole family. That after everything they had done to me, the way they had supported me, I was doing this to them.”

“What did you do to them exactly...?” Mitch asked, because the whole claim sounded absurd on many levels.

“I allowed myself to be kissed”, Amy replied as if it couldn’t have been more clear.

Mitch looked at Amy, wondering about that. “You allowed that or you were kissed...? There’s a difference. Not just in terms of actions, but also in terms of - I don’t know - sexual assault.”

Amy thought about the answer, but her mind was holding onto the narrative she had been given while simultaneously trying to keep the truth intact and it almost fried her brain because she realized she would have to do a lot of loops in order to give him an answer; almost as if she was about to lie - when she wasn’t.

As there was a contradiction in how she was cross-examining Mitch’s question and her families words, she didn’t know how else to answer his question but, “I didn’t want him to kiss me, but he did.”

“So... Georgie was wrong”, Mitch stated. He didn’t exactly think a teenager to be the best judge of morals anyway, but just to drive the point across to Amy, he wanted that to be clarified.

“It wasn’t just her”, she said with a defensive tone, as she realized Georgie sometimes had a habit of being dramatic about things that she herself didn’t see fair. Just like Mitch, Amy also felt like she had a point to prove; it was as if she insisted on painting herself as the villain that she was. “When I told Ty there was nothing going on with me and Ahmed, he didn’t want to hear me out. Or when I showed him the video, he wanted us to have a break. -- Which then ended up being weeks of silence... We never talked about it after that. I always felt like he didn’t want to, so I didn’t want to drag it out again. It was better to keep the peace.”

Mitch had an opinion about that, but not to speak ill about Amy’s ex, he decided to hold his tongue - for now.

Amy continued. "And Lou... She said that all that time I had been around Ahmed, all the things I had done - as his employee - attending the party, accepting a truck from him for work purposes, getting plane tickets from him for horse events in Europe--” She took a breath. “Me not declining them was me signaling him that I was interested - romantically. So it couldn’t have come as a surprise for me that he--”

Amy couldn’t even finish it as she felt her throat closing in.

“Well... was it...?” Mitch asked, even though he pretty much had an idea of Amy’s answer, but he couldn’t just assume it; it had to come from her.

“No, of course not!” Amy said frantically. “For me there was only Ty. I had never even thought about anything else, and I thought Ahmed knew it. Not a day went by when I didn’t talk about Ty. He knew we were engaged too. I talked about our upcoming wedding with Ty and the house we were going to get once I got back from Europe. -- The only interest I had was the job opportunity. He was my boss.”

Mitch nodded, figuring that much. After giving everything - the video, the comments, Amy’s need to explain all this - another thought, now with new perspective, he scoffed angrily, looking around.

"I can’t believe they said that to you... Or did that to you”, Mitch said. The only feeling he had right now was sympathy for Amy.

He sucked his cheek, trying to keep calm even though all of this made him furious.

One good thing to come out of his time serving in military was that he had been taught to de-escalate stressful situations instead of making them worse. Amy had come to him in confidence, and none of this was her fault, so there was no reason to bring this type of frustrated energy into this moment or lash it out on her.

“So... has your perception of me changed...?” Amy then asked quietly, bringing Mitch’s focus back to her.

“What? No”, Mitch hurried to say, caressing her arms gently. “Not at all. If anything, this has only helped me understand you more. So... thank you for sharing this. It couldn’t have been easy.”

“It wasn’t, but... I wanted to be open with you”, Amy admitted.

“I appreciate it”, Mitch said, kissing the top of Amy’s head. “And just because those comments were made about you, by... whoever, it doesn’t mean that it is you. You shouldn’t internalize something that people know nothing about. I know it’s easier said than done, but... still.”

Amy let her hands run against Mitch’s sides as she pressed closer and hugged him. She felt safe around him, even if she was scared of losing this at the same time.

“I've just been really lonely with this... So it left me no choice but to think that I must be the one who was wrong. Because no one believed me or was hearing me out. What else could I have thought?”

Mitch shook his head, then leaning it against Amy’s as she adjusted it under his chin, letting her face rest against his chest.

“I’m so sorry... You would have needed all the support you could get. You would have needed your friends and your family there to support you, not turn you away”, Mitch spoke. “Have you talked about it to anyone since... it happened?”

“Not really”, Amy shared, “because I didn’t want to hear it again. Those opinions and takes. So I just... left it be. Tried to put it behind me. But... it still stayed within me. And the worst thing is... I’ve felt it change me. The way I think and the way I act. How I don’t want to let my family down again. I wanted to be a better person. And it’s also why I’m doing this now too. Because I want to be honest, even if that means it’ll hurt me more. But I just don’t want to be a fraud.”

“You are a good person, Amy. Even before that-- I mean, I know I didn’t know you then, but what happened... it wasn’t your fault”, Mitch wanted to say. “I don’t know if you’ve heard anyone say that, but... what Ahmed did, it shouldn’t be your burden to bear. That’s on him. That was his choice, not yours.”

For a while, there was just silence as Amy didn’t reply, but Mitch could still feel her breathing getting more shallow as he held her close and not soon after, he sensed something wet and warm against his shirt, eventually coming to the conclusion that Amy was probably unable to say anything because she was crying.

He gave her time, gently brushing her hair against her back with his palm, allowing her to let it out. Maybe he wasn’t the best person to say it - seeing he had not had any involvement with her at the time - but Amy still deserved someone there to say what she had to know in order to deal with the trauma.

Couple of minutes later, Amy tried to wipe her nose with her fingers, realizing she had made a mess.

“Uh... Sorry... I got your shirt all wet”, Amy said, feeling embarrased, as she leaned back. Her nose was red, her eyes puffy and her lips swollen from the crying.

Mitch caressed her cheek. “Don’t worry about it.”

A quick, hopeful smile brushed over Amy’s lips as she studied him, trying to detect if there was any type of panic in his eyes that would let her know he was going to run off after she would have to leave.

But he seemed calm, tender, and more importantly, present. For Amy, it felt almost too good to be true; like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I didn’t mean to burden you with this--”

Mitch shook his head, stopping her before she could go any further. “No, Amy. You have nothing to apologize for. Really.”

Amy felt the words embrace her, but at the same time due to her own history of not truly having any trust in people, she found herself doubting what Mitch was saying, no matter how hard she tried to believe in them.

“Well, just know that in case I’m a mess and I’m having problems with... some things, that it’s because of this, and probably some other stuff too, but... mainly this. And it has nothing to do with you”, Amy continued her honesty. “It’s been this... heavy thing inside me for so long that I almost don’t remember what it was like when it wasn’t part of me. But I’m trying to deal with all of this. I mean, I have to, since I want to make this - us - work”, she explained, hoping to see, again, if his reaction had changed.

Maybe he didn’t want any “damaged goods”.

Mitch nodded. “Of course. But don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Take your time. And you can always talk to me about it. No matter what it is... I just don’t want you to be alone.”

“Okay”, she nodded. “I’ll try to remember that.”

“Good”, Mitch said, smiling with encouragement, then kissing Amy’s forehead. He wasn’t an expert of Amy’s history just yet, but he had seen her character and her heart of gold in many ways during their time together, and he had a pretty good idea who she was as a person in order to be so sure about what he was feeling.

And nothing could destroy his trust in that right now.

“Thank you for hearing me out”, she sighed.

“Of course”, he said, calming her down. “Do you want some tea? I could make us some tea”, Mitch then offered.

The fact that Mitch was inviting her in instead of pushing her out didn’t go unnoticed by her, but right now, Amy had to decline.

“I’d love to, but I have a little girl waiting for me to tuck her in with her grandmother”, she explained, already smiling a little.

“Okay, fine - you couldn’t have a better excuse than that”, Mitch admitted with a smirk, thoughtfully drawing circles on her back as he was thinking. “How about tomorrow?”

“I’ll see what I can do. I’ll text you”, Amy said, not wanting to make any promises she couldn’t keep.

“Alright. Let me know.”

Amy nodded and leaned in to hug him one last time. He automatically wrapped his arms around her, as if to keep her safe from the world, and it was probably one of the best hugs she had ever had. So much relief and emotion was pouring out of her, and it felt like he was accepting it all. She didn’t want to let go, but at the same time Amy didn’t want to keep Lyndy waiting.

“Goodnight”, Amy said as she slowly retreated back and took one last look of Mitch.

He smiled at her. “Goodnight.”

Mitch walked her to Trouble, holding the horse while Amy was mounting him. As the one last expression of affection, Mitch brushed her hand when handing out the reins. “Ride safe.”

“I will”, Amy promised.

#heartland #fanfiction #filling empty spaces

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pkmn-downtheline · 2 years

Note

if the main fankids were in a giant group chat, what would their nicknames be? what kind of memes would they have (ie: spelling errors, stupid jokes, stuff that their Pokémon do, etc.)? would it be a chaotic kind of group or relatively calm?

Oh my god I love this hahaha okay let me think...

Skye: StrikerSkye27. LOTS of spelling errors. Never capitalizes unless she's angry or excited--then she writes in ALL caps. Never uses punctuation. Sends WAY too many memes that ONLY Nick reacts to and sometimes Briar. Uses a lot of emoji. Like, you know those copy pastas about college athletes and the grind? That's Skye unironically and Nick always leaves a reaction emoji of the praying hands lol

Briar: Pallet_Jade. Pretty good punctuation and grammar. Whenever he makes a typo most people in the chat repeat it back at him. He's basically the "mod" of the server and has to make sure no fights break out. He sends a lot of anime screen caps and says things like, "Look at the framing here :sob: :heart:" only to get a reply from Skye like, "I don't see a frame???"

Kierra: HeavenlyHelixHoney. Never uses caps unless she's fangirling or yelling. Lots of punctuation. So many exclamation points and question marks. Uses "lol" WAY too much. Word dumps in gen about things nobody else cares about (rocks) and Briar needs to redirect her to the fossils channel that only she uses. Posts WAY too many pictures of herself.

Lizzie: Straight up uses "Lizzie Rebolledo". Never talks in the group chat. She's tried to leave it 12 times but Skye keeps reinviting her every time she @ s her and realizes she's left the chat again. Always has perfect grammar, spelling, and punctuation and is CONSTANTLY correcting Skye's and ONLY Skye's. She gets a sort of smug satisfaction out of it.

Allie: DancingCamellia. Pretty average punctuation and grammar. LOTS of emojis. Especially hearts, sparkles, and the painted nails one. Is always posting links to Lisia's new tweets and Cade always responds with "Nobody cares". They fight constantly in gen and Briar is always telling them to move it to DMs.

Amber: Probably also uses her name, but not her full name like Lizzie lol Like, it's probably like "Amber :floweremoji: :poochyenaemoji:". Similar grammar/punctuation to Allie. Is generally very nice to everyone and is always replying to people who seem to be having a tough time like, "you ok? :(" She sometimes replies to Skye and Nick's memes out of pity with a "Haha! :)" She's Briar favorite member of the chat because she's the only one who follows all the rules.

I would do more but I've burnt myself out lol Maybe I'll add onto this later.

#caroline answers

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oppabimbab · 4 years

Text

sequel: did we make it right? | kim taehyung

genre: heavy angst, tiny bit of smut, break up

starring: taehyung x reader

synopsis: you broke up with him and the phase of moving on—you didn’t know it would be this hard. You wanted him here but somehow, it feels like letting go is the best and the only choice you had in your hands, isn’t it? or not?

words: 8,972 words

side note: so this sequel happened since yall cried bc of prev fics and many of you wanted the second part of that. here we go. sorry for the grammar errors and any kind of faulty. i tried my best to keep the plot as it was planned and i still think this isn’t my best edits yet but enjoy!

recommended songs: moon and back - alice kristiansen | run to you - lea michele

related: maybe, it wasn’t right | kim taehyung

You had no idea that moving on would be this hard. It has been almost 6 months since the relationship ended and these past 6 months—were never that easy. It was harder than everyone have told you about. They said it would be easy but not once you found yourself in a right state of mind. They said everything will be just fine but you still found yourself in the midst of grief. 6 months—You never knew that time flew this quick even though every day felt like nothing but misery to you.

Break up wouldn’t be easy. And you agreed. It was a torture.

There were some part of healing that you didn’t understand. It was weird and confusing. Some days, you find yourself laughing and smiling like you had the entire world in your hands. You ate well, get enough sleep and happy. And some days, you would stopped talking to anyone—not even your bestfriend Wendy and locked yourself up in that stuffy room. You woke up with swollen eyes and broken heart like the wound was still fresh and bleeding. It was heavy and difficult. It made you confused and clueless. It became more confusing when you couldn’t find any reasons to move on if everything reminded you of him.

You tried to avoid his favorite songs every time it came on the radio. You changed the channel if his favorite movies shown up on the screen. You even stopped looking at everything that remind you of him. You forced yourself even it was really hard not to curl on your bed and cry. They were all a torture.

Honestly, if you asked yourself, you would agree that it still hurts like hell. The pain was still there, reminding you every day how unwanted you were. The memories on that night kept pulling your skin and made it bleed—reminding you that he wasn’t yours from the very first start. It still torn you down and drained the energy that was barely there. You couldn’t remember how many times the ugly tears would fall down in a very random place.

You were having the casual night, watching some movies with Wendy then the next second, she was there—patting your back as you bawled your eyes out because you remembered him. You wanted him, here.

Let alone when you needed to take few minutes break from your work at the office just to spend some tears inside the toilet—thinking how cruel he was for making you like this. He was really cruel.

You wondered—how was he? Did he cried when you left? Did he go through those sleepless nights like you did? Perhaps, did he ever think of you when he heard your favorite songs? Was he in pain, just like you?

6 months have passed yet It was never that easy to forget him.

When nights fall, you would silently scrolled down to the old messages you have shared with him. Taehyung was a bad texter. He hated texting because he said he preferred to see you more than doing the dry text all day. Once, both of you got into argument because of how bad he was.

“Are you serious?” you frowned at him—crossing your arms while you stood there. You weren’t happy now and of course, he knew why.

“What?” he chuckled as he munched on his favorite snacks, watching his favorite movies. Probably confused as hell why were you acting like this at 11pm. You rolled your eyes.

“You said you would text me when you got home yesterday? But you didn’t?” you pouted—scrolling through the messages from yesterday before you looked back at him. He raised his eyebrows.

“I didn’t? I thought i did?” he grinned and just like that, he was really a bad texter.

“Baby!! I got worried for nothing. I thought you were kidnapped,” you thumped your feet softly on the ground—trying to protest at him like an annoying clingy girlfriend.

He let out a hearty laugh at you. His eyes disappeared when he laughed and weirdly, you loved that. You hid the smile that was slowly plastering your face.

“Who would want to kidnap me though?I’m big and huge, unlike you,” he scrunched his nose at you, probably amused at you and your sudden clingy self. Your eyes widen at him, almost choking at his choice of words. A small laugh escaped your mouth.

“Big? Are you really that big?” you mocked while squinting your eyes. Taehyung hated it when that tone came out from your mouth. He cocked his brows. A grin showed up on his lips.

“Don’t act like you don’t know. Or should I remind you?” he bit his lower lip before pulling you closer to him. You squealed when he made you sit on his lap when you supposed to be mad—making him giggled at your quirky squeal as he planted hundreds kisses on your jaw—stroking your hips softly. You couldn’t help but laughing.

“Hmmm. You smell so good. Did you change your shampoo?” he mumbled through the kiss. You slapped his shoulder and looked down at his hooded eyes. A happiness bloomed in your heart at the sight. Nothing fancy. Just his presence was enough. Crazy.

“So, you’re going to change the subject again like you did last time?”

“Yes,” he grinned. You groaned jokingly. Taehyung knew your weak spot and he never failed to use that. And you weren’t complaining either.

When the memories came up, you were left helpless and vulnerable again and again. You wished it never ended. You wished the memories shouldn’t be called memories because you wanted to feel it everyday.

There were a lot of them and every day, you would remember it like a diary. His pictures—he loved to send you those random pictures of him, his dog Yeontan and sometimes, those things that remind him of you. 2k pictures from him—you still kept them nicely inside your phone.

You would read those old messages from him without realising a trail of tears were streaming down in the corner of your eyes. You didn’t realise the same tears kept you company every night without fail. He was gorgeous. You missed his raspy laughter. The way he pinned his body against yours because you were cold. Those sleepy voice echoed through the room when he woke up next to you—begging you to stay with him for few more minutes.

And just like that, the entire night was spent with the silent cry from your mouth. It happened everyday and you didn’t know how to make this stop.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him. Fucking asshole,” Wendy groaned in frustrations while you were beside her—sobbing. The first few weeks of break up, you chose to keep quiet about it because you had no energy to tell anyone about this. And when you decided to tell her, of course, she was mad. As hell.

“If he still wants that girl so much, why the fuck did he date you for 1 fucking year? Are you kidding me? Did you look like a joke? Oh god,” her eyes were gleaming with fire as she couldn’t hide the anger in her voice. The scrambled egg was left cold because she lost her appetite already. That morning felt intense and gloomy than ever. Wendy was a very straight forward woman. Even you were here sobbing like a crazy woman, she cursed the fuck out whenever she pissed off.

You shrugged, wiping your eyes with the tissues.

“Maybe if I was enough-“

“Enough? For god sake, you are more than enough. You gave everything you had, what else did he want?” her voice soften when she noticed your flushed face. As she came closer, she pulled you into her tiny embrace. Again, you broke down. You wished she was right. You wished you had given everything.

“Babe, you are the kindest person I have ever met in my entire life. You are beautiful, gentle and selfless. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. You don’t deserve this,” her voice broke a little when she heard you crying. She was a very sensitive person because the next second, you heard her tiny sob. You hope somebody could feel what was inside your heart now.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know, Wendy. I’m really sad,” she rubbed your back softly as you forced yourself to talk. It felt like a huge chunk just got stucked in your throat. You couldn’t talk.

“Please take your time. It will be okay. It should be okay, I promise you,” she whispered.

Months have passed. Will it be okay?

You leaned against the leather seat as you finished the last document for the day. It was a long day yet you be able to survive it even in such state. You gave a soft pat on your shoulder before gathering all the paper works to give to your boss before you leave. It was already Friday. Time flew quicker than you imagined.

Switching off the computer and grabbing your stuffs, you counted the steps to the huge room, few metres from your desk before you knocked on the door. A soft hum was heard few seconds later and you entered it.

“Good evening, sir. Here is the edited financial reports that you’ve requested before. I’ve made a few edits and please let me know if there is more faulty,” you cracked a soft smile across your lips as you put the plastic file on the table. You tried to sound professional as much as you could do even in this messy state of mind. You glanced at the young man—standing at the book shelf.

“Good work, thank you,” he nodded. A soft smile appeared on his lips as he looked at you. You returned the same thing to him while you stood there, at the edge of the his desk.

“If that’s all, I’m leaving first, sir. Thank you for today,” you bowed politely before you turned your heels. Few steps ahead and he called you again. You looked back at him and this time, he was already leaning against the desk, crossing his arms on the chest—staring at you with frowned brows.

“Can I ask you something? I hope it’s not something personal to you,” Mingyu voiced out—looking straight into your tired and confused eyes. You sure everyone could see how tired you were because you didn’t plan to hide it either. It drained your energy to fake anything now.

“Sure. What’s it, sir?”

“Are you okay?” his voice soften along with his eyes—gazing at you like a melted honey. The tension frown disappeared from his face and it was replaced by a worried gaze. You were a little surprised at his question especially when he looked at you like he knew something was bothering you. It looked like he knew something was wrong with you.

Mingyu has been always that kind of person and you were fully aware about that. The relationship you shared with him was fully business and you barely talked to each other once the office hours ended but sometimes, it felt more than that.

The way he guided you during your first few months as his clumsy secretary, the way he spoke to you even you screwed up too many times, the way he handled those mistakes caused by you—you knew Mingyu was a very gentle person. Rather than making himself as that cold and egoistic boss, he made sure that you could look up to him every time you were in need. Even so, you didn’t want to see his kindness as something that involved love like everyone claimed—deep inside, he treated everyone just as nice as he treated you.

He was a gentleman—with maturity. For real, you couldn’t ask anything more than that because that was enough.

You finally get it why Taehyung disliked him. You flinched slightly, trying to get him off your mind.

“Yes. Of course I am,” you faked a laughter even his eyes were striking into yours, completely unconvinced with your lies. He exhaled, silent for few seconds.

“You’ve lost your focus these past few months. I don’t know, you did your job perfectly but something is off. Are you okay? Is there something bothering you?” His voice has soften a bit—he probably noticed the changes on your face which was something you wanted to hide.

“I’m really sorry, sir. I will do it better next time,” honestly, you had no idea what exactly should you reply to that? Were you okay? Were you good? Definitely not. He shook his head, still unconvinced.

“That’s not answering my question,”

“Uhm,” you hesitated. Your lips turned into thin line.

“Actually, there are few things that have been bothering me but they are minors. I’m completely fine....yes, everything is just fine. Maybe it’s me being easily tired but really, i’m good. Don’t worry, sir,” you tried to sound convincing to someone that observant like Mingyu. He was really sensitive to little changes. You didn’t know he noticed those changes in yourself more than you did.

“If you need days off, please ask me for that. I don’t want you to overwork yourself too much. You’re important,” he looked serious without any hint of smile on his face as his eyes never left yours. His eyes were so intense and you wonder, why was that? Mingyu had such beautiful pair of deep eyes and you couldn’t deny that.

When he noticed a small smile crept on your lips, he spoke again.

“....as my secretary. You’re important to this company,” he corrected himself while adjusting his throat—his eyes immediately left yours as you still stared at him with a small smile. You chuckled—looking down to your feet. He was oddly cute for some reason.

“I know, sir. I appreciate that. But, i’m really fine. I still can go to work tomorrow. I can stay overtime if you want me to,” you smiled at him sincerely—showing off the beautiful smile you barely shown to anyone these past few months. But, this time, you find yourself loosened up for something very weird.

A small raspy giggle left his mouth as he shook his head. Mingyu got off from the edge of the table before he came to the desk to clean up the papers and stuff. You supposed, he was about to leave so you waited for him to finish.

“That’s good to hear. I’d like my best worker back....Alright, that’s all for today, You can leave now,” he flashed you another soft smile. You bowed politely.

When you thought it finally came to end, he called you again. This time—he came closer to you, towering your petite figure under his built. His scent—sweat and cologne filled up your sense, making you looked up at him.

“Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, kind of,”

“Great. Dinner’s on me tonight,” he grinned before he left you alone in the empty room—completely speechless at his sudden gesture. That was quick and random.

“But, sir I-,”

“You can’t say no to your boss, can you?” his voice echoed through the office as he already few steps ahead from you. That was it. You couldn’t say no to your boss, could you?

For few moment, you felt comfort. A sincere one.

The whole ride was filled with soft music from his radio along with the soft breeze, coming from outside. None of you both started any conversation since 10 minutes ago. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable but it felt more like both of you were enjoying this silence.

“Do you have any plan tonight? I mean...you know, it’s Friday,” when you were too immersed in such silence, he spoke out—bringing you back to the reality after been lost in your own thoughts. God knows how many time you have spaced out like this. You despised this side of you.

“Uhm, no honestly. I’m planning to eat then sleep until next morning,” you replied while letting out a faded chuckle. The next second, you immediately realised how pathetic that sounded like. Mingyu must be thinking that you were such an anti social and depressed bitch. But, you has always been like this since forever.

He giggled while nodding.

“I don’t know why but I kinda knew you would say that. That sounds very of you,” his deep husky voice filled up the car space along with the small laughter coming out from his mouth. You glanced at him, hiding a smile. You weren’t sure if he already recognised your traits for these past 2 years of working together but for some reason, it was kinda cute that he noticed the littlest thing about you.

“You can’t stop me,sir” you replied, almost chuckling with him.

“Can you do me a favor? Drop the honorific when the office hours ended. I think it’s better that way, it’s not like we are discussing about that annoying client we hated the most though,” he said in a very straight voice.

Without you realised, the car was filled with your laughter when you couldn’t hold yourself from laughing at his remarks. That was the most random shit you have ever heard from him. Mingyu looked surprise but a soft chuckle left his mouth.

“I can’t believe you said that. You hate her too? I thought it’s only me who hated her for no reason,” it was hard for you to utter the words as you were still laughing—covering your mouth with the back of your hand. He nodded with a grin across his lips.

When you have calmed down, he spoke again.

“Can you do that?” he met your eyes. Curling your lips, you nodded.

“I’ll try, Mingyu,” you hid a smile. His small dimple appeared right away—eyebrows raised.

“Without doubt, huh?” he teased. Again, the car was filled with nothing but his small chuckle and your soft smile.

The weird thing is, you felt a warmth for the first time from someone you had the least expectations from.

When both of you arrived at the restaurant, it was packed and crowded—completely something that you hated the most. The last time you went to such place was few weeks ago, thanks to Wendy’s pushy ass.

Both you and Mingyu came inside—finding a table to grab a dinner and go. But, it seemed like it wouldn’t happen because when you looked around, you found that eyes again. Out of those stranger eyes, you would still find that eyes again. Eyes that you have lost.

You saw his boxy smile—twinkling like it always does while his eyes—gleaming with the same sparkle. They were beautiful and painfully gorgeous that you almost forgot everything around you. Again, the universe seemed it was fading away from you.

But, he wasn’t alone. She was there—with him. The woman whom you wished you wouldn’t be seeing again—sharing the same smile and laughter—with him. Those gazes, you sure, they were filled with love.

The wound inside your chest, it was ripped open again.

Everything about this was tiring. Your body was tired. Your mental was tired. Your soul—it died. You tried to comprehend and see the good things from this stage of your life but why did it seem like nothing would work out? Why were you still here, alone with the same wound again?

It was unfair. Why was it only you, who suffered the pain of this break up? Why did it look like none of these things affect him as much as it did to you? Why did your heart still ache so much like this even 6 months have passed? There were so many questions that held you like a knife—stabbing you for the same reason again and again.

The same warm tears fell down—wetting your face for millionth times as you found yourself to be sitting on the bench at a park, not to far from the restaurant. The people seemed to be freaked out since you were there—sobbing silently like a weak bitch even you have told yourself to stop being this weak. Nothing worked out. None of them.

Honestly, you hated this. There were so many changes in yourself and you hated that.

“I found you,” the familiar voice echoed through the cold space before you looked up at your side with tears streaming down to your chin.

There was Mingyu—breathless as he tried to catch some breath from running too much. He must be running around to find you since you left the restaurant in just blink of eyes. Silence filled the gap between you and him while he stared at you and your pathetic self. It was embarassing and you wanted to disappear.

He heaved a soft sigh before slowly making the gap disappeared as he sat next to you.

“So, I believe, that thing, it bothered you these past few weeks? Your boyfriend?” he spoke and from the corner of your eyes, you could feel his gaze glued at you. With these swollen eyes and state, how the hell could you look at him?

“Ex boyfriend,” you replied. He nodded.

“I understand,” he exhaled, taking his eyes off you and looked around as if he let you to calm yourself down from the tragic sobbing. He probably noticed that you wanted to hide yourself from him so he looked away, letting both of you immersed in a night silence.

“It is hard and complicated,” without you realised, you spoke out in such a defeated voice. It was still vulnerable. And Mingyu finally saw that side of you.

He curled his lips.

“Break up will always be difficult. Don’t believe it when they say it’s not,” he met your teary eyes. His gaze was soft and dreamy. He probably saw all the pain in them that he chose to keep staring at you.

“I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to forget him. Not yet. Not forever. It’s crazy,” you wiped the remaining tears in the corner of your eyes using the back of your hands as you looked down to the ground.

“Do you still love him?” he spoke as he looked straight to the busy streets across the park. You nodded as the remaining tears stained your cheeks. After all these while, you didn’t care anymore. You didn’t care if he find you weird—crying over someone like this even in fact, you shouldn’t have anymore.

“Aren’t you hurted? By still holding on to the past?” Mingyu cocked his head at you. His brown orbs were shining under such dim street lights above both of you. They were blinking like a pearl, something you have never seen it before. Rather than looking disgusted or uncomfortable, you could see a hint of reassurance in them eyes.

“It hurts so bad, Mingyu,” your voice cracked as you felt his gaze seemed never left yours before he exhaled. He looked up to the sky and sighed again.

“You know, there is a thing that I strongly disagree since forever. They said love is about timing, where you found your soul mate at the right time and be happy, also at the right time....” he stopped. There was a short silence.

Then he filled the air with his voice again.

“....but I believe, love is about what has been written for you,” a faded smile appeared again.

“It will always be difficult to get over someone.... whom you thought would be here with you for the rest of your life,” he added.

“...but you know, love isn’t about staying until the end. It’s not always about holding on from the beginning. Sometimes....it’s about letting go even it’s going to break every parts of you,”

When both of you found each other’s eyes—you could feel your heart clenched so much that it suffocated you to the edge. You felt every pieces of you were scattered all over the place again because deep inside, you knew it was true. You wanted to deny but It was painfully true. Fuck this.

“No, please,” curling yourself, you sobbed into your hands. Everything about this was hard. You weren’t ready. The next second, you felt his warmth beside you as he scooted closer. The same cologne filled your sense before he whispered.

“Can I hug you? To ease the pain even a little?” you weren’t supposed to hug your own boss but weird thing, you found yourself nodding at him. Probably, begging for some comfort that been slowly losing from your system. And, Just like that, you were so deep in his embrace—in an embrace that wasn’t Taehyung’s.

Part of you was so in pain. You wished it was him, hugging you this way. You wished it was him—comforting you this way because world knows, everything will be just fine. But, he wasn’t here anymore and you weren’t sure how to get used to that.

You pulled Mingyu closer to you and sobbed on his chest—like you did to yourself every nights. He wrapped his arms around you, securing you like he never wanted you to fall apart like this. It felt like he knew how painful it was so he was there, to put the scattered pieces, back as a whole.

It was weird. You knew there was a goodbye few months ago when you chose to leave but now, why did it feel like everything was finally over? It felt like you have lost that 1 chance and hope—leaving you this helpless.

“Let the grief go and set him free. You deserve to be happy. Genuinely happy,” he whispered—pulling you closer.

You sobbed. He was your happiness but it seemed like you need to replace it with a new one.

Another 2 months have passed. Nothing has changed drastically in your life except the fact that Mingyu has become a new part of your life. You couldn’t believe that night would be the night where both of you went deeper than you had before. He wasn’t yours and you weren’t his but the relationship has changed especially when he helped you moving on. Mingyu knew how and when to be gentle whenever you were around. It looked like he studied every little about your traits and tried to get along with it without disrespecting you in some kind of way.

You appreciate his presence so much. His presence was new yet comfortable—that you were still trying to get adjusted to it even sometimes, you got confused and lost. The weird part—Mingyu was the opposite side of Taehyung.

He loved to cook whenever he had the chance to do so and surprisingly, was good at it. He was huge fan of romance and melancholy genre—you still remembered when he kept you company, watching the same cliche kdramas without whining and complaining about how sucks the genre is.

He loved the smell of pastry—he loved the beauty of the evening sky—he loved the sound of the ocean. Those things that you barely heard from your ex. Indeed, there were new.

Some days, it felt perfect. Almost perfect. The heart break was slowly taken away from you and your days started to fill with laughter and smile. The heaviness in your heart got lifted for a moment, leaving you with nothing but a temporary happiness. It was genuine, all because of him. And you didn’t plan to push him away because there was some part of you, longing for his presence but you had no idea on what reason.

“Are you serious?” your eyes got widen as your gaze was glued on his face that had grin all over it. He curled his lips and nodded before taking the usual monthly reports from you.

The dried saliva in your throat was swallowed forcefully—making him chuckled.

“You’re asking me to go to a party with you? I supposed it isn’t a good idea, sir,” you kept the professionalism as both of you were still in the office—the boss and the worker but you couldn’t hide the tone that coming out along with the words. He shrugged.

“I couldn’t attend it last year and I don’t plan to do that again. And also, I don’t plan to go there by myself either,” he sounded very casual and straight forward—completely ignoring your widen eyes. A slight hum from you filled the space.

“That sounds sad,” you scoffed jokingly before you took back the signed report from him. His small dimple appeared.

“I guess that’s a yes? Great, you sure know what’s the best,”

“Hey, I didn’t say anything,”

“Okay, are you coming with me?” he crossed his arms—showing off his veiny arms while raising the eyebrows at you. For some reason, your heart thumped at the sight because he sure looked hot. You adjusted your throat as you looked back at him.

“I’m coming,” you said, almost rolling your eyes because he definitely knew you were going to say yes—as you witnessed a small satisfied smile plastered on his lips. He looked fierce yet soft, you don’t understand.

“Great. I’m going to pick you up tomorrow, at 8. Are we good?”

“We good, sir,” you scrunched your nose at him before you excused yourself to leave. He gave you a thumbs up as you left

You weren’t sure if he made you come as his secretary or something more than that.

You couldn’t help the nervous sweat that have been wetting your hands when you saw how huge the party is. Now, you weren’t sure if the basic black dress that been wrapping your curvy figure was a good choice since everyone looked damn good. Is this make up okay? This hair?

“Mingyu, I feel uncomfortable,” you leaned closer to his side while whispering to his ear, as both of you walked inside the bar. Of course it was crowded with so many people that seemed to be his friends because each seconds, his name was called.

“Just stay with me, you’ll get used to this,” he whispered softly before you could feel his warm hand sealing yours as he guided you through the crowd. There wasn’t any response from you as you let him take you to anywhere he liked while he introduced you to anyone he bumped to. He wanted you to be by his side so bad because swear to god, his hand felt like glue—it was sealed perfectly inside yours.

“Now, let’s meet my friend. He’s over there,” Mingyu said with a grin to you as he took you to the corner—making your heels clank on the marble floor. Every steps felt like fire because your heart thumped for no reason. They were beating so hard that it made you anxious for nothing.

When you finally reached the table, a gush of air left your lungs immediately when you saw him. Again.

It made you freeze on the ground—making you stood there like a statue as you felt all of the gazes were glued on you. You didn’t give any damn about anyone at the table because the only matters right now was his gaze—it felt like a fire on your body. You met his eyes again after the last time it broke you. He looked surprise to see you here, standing across him, in someone’s hand. Perhaps, he thought you were so in love and happy with someone new. Your heart thumped at the sight before you looked away.

“Thanks for inviting us, bro, it’s been a long time since I met you. Oh and this is my date for tonight,” Mingyu spoke as a proud grin plastered all over his face—greeting those people at the table without noticing you were completely out of zone. Wooshik greeted him back before he averted his attention at you.

“You look good like you always do. I’m glad you come,” he smiled—making you return the same thing. Of course he knew you. He was around when you dated Taehyung. Wooshik witnessed your journey with him until it ended. You glanced at Seojun and Hyungsik, who were also flashing you a soft smile. Those guys, it felt weird to see them after the break up.

“Thank you, Wooshik. The party is great,” clenching into your small pouch, you scooted closer to Mingyu, tugging his arms around yours—completely ignoring Taehyung’s eyes on you even it almost made your legs become wobbly and shit. Mingyu smiled at your gesture because he knew what was inside your mind. Without any doubt, he took your hands inside his. The atmosphere changed. There was a short silence.

“Enjoy the party, you two. Let me know if you need something,” Wooshik spoke—there were changes in his face, he probably finds it weird that you were now in someone else’s arms instead of his friend. You were sure everyone finds it’s weird that both you and him were no longer together in just blink of eyes even yesterday the world saw how deep the love was. It was indeed weird because the next thing you realised, you were in different home.

Every sips of alcohol that glided into your throat felt like nothing but a poison. The crowded place were damn noisy and full of emotions but you were here at the corner with the emptiest heart instead of having fun—like Mingyu have always told you. You should be having fun tonight but it seemed like nothing ever worked out on you.

It’s crazy that both of you were in a same place but the distance felt way too significant. He was over, probably happy and in love. You were over here with your empty heart.

Somehow, you hated him so much. Why would he always come up whenever you were at your peak—building yourself back? Why would those images of them two slapped you—shoving the damn thorns and blood to your heart whenever you were trying to be fine?

“Are you okay?” you flinched a little when the warm whisper touched your ears before you find Mingyu, by your side. Every time you looked at him, you couldn’t help but feel bad. How the hell could he still keep up with your sudden mood swings and bullshits like this? The weird part, he always treated at you like the whole world belonged to you.

“Yeah. I’m good,” you replied—forcing a smile. It was very artificial. He curled his lips as he stared into your eyes without saying anything. Both of you exchanged such an intense eye contacts for few moments before he took your hand—gesturing you to dance with him. You were left in hesitation but just like always, you would say yes.

His hand, you let them sealed with yours. The next second, you realised that he took you to the center of the bar before the warmth from his arms wrapped around your waist as he pulled you closer to his body. Your whole body froze when his deep eyes strike into yours when you looked up. Mingyu was tall that your petite figure almost got disappeared inside his embrace.

“Put your hands on my chest,” he whispered down at you—making you slowly do as what he told you. You weren’t sure if everyone was looking at both of you but the thing is, your skin—it tingled.

“Have I told you that you look beautiful today?” after such silence, he spoke again.

Chills running down your spine when he added.

“You look amazing in this dress. I think I’m falling in love,”

When he said that,it felt like there was a huge chunks in your throat because you barely can breathe when your sense came back. The courage to look at him was gone immediately when you finally understand what he just said.

“Mingyu...” you whispered—trying to make this conversation as clear as possible. He needed to repeat himself because you were afraid that you might be wrong even you heard him crystal clear. His hands slid behind your back to pull you closer—making your face was few inches away from him.

“Please...let me love you,” he said.

“Mingyu, what are you saying?” you whispered back at him.

“I know, I know. This is too sudden for you but please....let me love you. Let me heal you,” he looked down, breaking the eye contact from you. There was a desperation in those eyes, leaving you without words. He sounded needy and desperate. After all these while, you never know he was in love with you. You had no idea, not even once.

“How can we do this? We barely know each other. I’m scared,” you spoke to him—finding his eyes again. The more you stared at him, the more it made you confused you—how couldn’t you see that before? They were obvious.

“We can make this work, I promise you. We can do this. Gosh, I love you so much,”

A small smile appeared on his lips. Mingyu was one gorgeous man. He spoke with his eyes and heart.

Silence filled the gap.

“Can I kiss you?”

You wanted to say no but the next second, you found yourself nodding at him. You wanted to get off from his arms but you let him touch you even deep inside, your heart felt heavy.

The next second, you felt his lips against yours. They were sealed perfectly, spreading his warmth against your trembling lips. Mingyu secured his arms on your back when he noticed you were stumbling on your feet as the kiss deepen. His lips felt nice but why were your heart still empty? Why didn’t you feel any emotions in your heart when he kissed you like this? The worst part—why did you still have Taehyung’s image in your mind even after all these while?

The kiss lasted for few seconds before Both of you pulled away from each other and panted hard. You looked down to your feet—catching some air and a piece of reality. Time has froze around you, you couldn’t really process anything about this yet.

“Don’t touch her,” before you could get back to your sense, you felt a tight grip around your arms—pulling you away from Mingyu.

There was Taehyung, standing so close here as he glared at him with so much fire in his deep eyes. His eyes were already that deep but with fire, they were really intimidating. His jaw clenched a lot, his body tensed up with anger. Your eyes widen at him. Why was he here?

“Don’t fucking touch her again,” he grunted like a tiger before taking your hand and took you away from the place. There was nothing come out from your mouth as you followed him to anywhere he wanted to bring you.

You shouldn’t do that but you did.

“Let me go!!! What the hell are you doing?” you screamed at him when you were stumbling on the ground—almost hurting your feet. Few more steps, he let you go.

“What are you doing with him?” Taehyung grunted under his breath—his chest pound like he was holding such anger. You frowned at him.

“Why do you care so much? Let me go,” you spat as you tried to push him away but unlucky you, he was way much stronger

“Why are you kissing him? Why did you let him touched you?!” his jaw clenched a lot as he found your eyes even in such dark alley. You used to see sparkle in them but this time, it was a fire and you had no idea why would he act this way when everything was over now?

“It’s none of your business, Taehyung! Everything that happen in my life, you don’t need to know. Go kiss your girlfriend and leave me alone,” you yelled even your legs almost turn wobbly because of his fiery eyes. The words felt like thorns in your mouth and his presence still affected you this much, he probably knew that.

He looked stunned.

“After all these while, why do you care so much about me? I thought you said you wanted her but why are you here, dragging me from him? Why?” the quiet alley was filled with your fiery voice between you and him.

“Look.....I know, I know...I’ve fucked everything about us. Everything we had. I get it why it you are this mad because....gosh, this is crazy,” he ran his fingers through his wavy hair while sighing to the cold air. He sounded so frustrated and guilty that it made you become more furious.

“Oh for god sake, please. I don’t want your sorry. Just never show up again, please. You don’t know how hard it is for me to erase you from my life. You hurted me, Taehyung...” you stopped for a while because fuck this, the same tears were pooling in your eyes again.

The painful memories showed up again.

“...You broke me so much. So please, leave me alone. I’m tired,” You weren’t sure if those words were true. You weren’t sure if you really wanted him to leave you alone.

You thought the conversation was over when there was barely any response from him but the next second, he pulled you and pinned you against the cold wall of the small alley—trapping you between his arms. A small whimper escaped your mouth at the cold contact while his face was only few inches away from you that you could his hot minty breath. Teary eyes to such deep pair of eyes. What a moment.

“I never wanted to hurt you like this,”

“You probably get sick of me already but for the remaining minutes, I wanted you to know that—every part of me, never wanted to bring so much pain to you, like this,” you caught his eyes even it was really dark. They have soften. There was no more anger and fire. Don’t know why but It made your heart clench even more.

“Are you still in love with me?” out of sudden, he asked you.

“Why does that matter now?” your voice faded.

“Say that you don’t love me anymore and I will let you go to him. Say that so I know.....when you go back home, there is no more piece of me that would hurt you like this,” his eyes tremble. Fear and pain. Tears pooled again in your eyes. The blood could stain your lips from bitting it too much.

When you couldn’t answer it, he spoke again.

“Push me away if that’s the answer,”

And just like that, he crashed his mouth against yours. The kiss was deep—deeper than the last time you had with him when you chose to let him go. His lips—that was 8 months ago since you got to taste it and they still have the same flavour. Sweet and addictive. Like a drug. Taehyung grunts in the kiss as deepen the kiss by pulling your face closer—savouring your mouth like he missed it.

You hated yourself. You knew you already had the answer for Mingyu’s question because the next thing you realised, you didn’t push Taehyung away. Instead, you kissed him back like tomorrow doesn’t exist.

“Ah!!” a sweet erotic moan escaped your mouth as he planted trail of kisses along your bare chest—sucking and biting into the flesh, leaving some marks on your body. His kisses were rushed yet it never stopped sending chills and tingles to every part of your skin.

He stopped kissing you as he pulled the wet panty from your hips—showing off the dripping liquid from the pussy. You moan to the air when the cold breeze touched your bare core that it immediately made you missed his warmth. He stared at you for few seconds before coming down to your wet entrance.

“Oh my god, Taehyung!” you screamed out loud as you felt his warm tongue all over the throbbing clit. He sucked on your clitoris while grunting and groaning which sent so much electricity to all over your body. Mouth opened, body arched—you called his name like it was the only thing in your mind. You lowered your gaze down at him while moaning, just to find his eyes—were looking straight into yours. Swear to god, you heart thumped a lot. You fisted into his hair—pulling him deeper.

When he thrusted his tongue inside your core, a gush of air left your lungs immediately, making you scream his name as he stared at you. That was hot and your pussy clenched for more. Taehyung kept licking, sucking, eating you out and you never know you have been missing this intimacy with him. He always make you feel good. This good.

A knot started to twirl in your lower abdomen whenever he thrusted his tongue into you with no mercy. It felt like heaven.

“I’m so close,” you cried out and not long after, you cummed—making him lick your juice all over your pussy without taking his eyes off you. That was really hot, you couldn’t contain the overwhelming cloud in your chest everytime you met his beautiful eyes.

Then, he got off from the bed to unbuckle the belt around his waist before undressed the pants from his body—leaving the huge bulge under the boxer to your sight. His cock was throbbing hard inside the fabric and when he pulled his boxer down, your pussy clenched for him. You wanted him to touch you again and do whatever he wanted to do with your body.

“Ride me,” he grunted before crawling back on the bed, sitting with his back on the headboard as he waited for you to climb on him. The veins along his neck and arms were making it’s hard for you to think straight. Your mouth felt dry.

Slowly, you crawled on top of him, sitting on his thigh as you placed your hands on his shoulder for support. Lips were bitten when you caught his eyes before you slowly placed his member on your entrace before sitting on them—burying it deep inside your tight and wet pussy. Taehyung groaned—staring at how deep he buried inside you while you were here with a breathy moan escaped from your mouth.

God, it felt so good. Your legs tremble at the sudden contact—making him secure his hands on your hips as you started to bounce and move your body on him. The pace was slow and intoxicating. He was really big and the fact that you needed to adjust to his size, you never knew it has been a while since he made love to you like this.

Squeezing your eyes, your chin was lifted to the air along with the scream and moan from your mouth. He grabbed onto your hips—making you move back and forth on his dick while groaning with you, so the room was filled with nothing else but the sound of skin slapping that got louder each time you buried himself in you. You’ve lost your mind, you couldn’t feel your legs anymore. Why did the pleasure feel much more stronger now when both of you were no longer together?

“Fuck. Oh fuck,” he grunted through gritted teeth, pulling you closer to deepen the thrusted. Chin up to the air, you cried his name out—digging your nails into his shoulder whenever he quicken the pace. His cock was slapping your weak spot over and over again. It drive you crazy.

“Taehyung....” you whined—the courage to look at him were suddenly gone as you felt your chest was somehow heavy.

When you realised that you be able to touch him again like this—you felt like you just woken up from such nightmare. You could feel his skin, his lips, his eyes against yours—after being so lost and alone. You’ve missed him so much but you had no idea it was this much.

Your cheeks were stained again. As he kept thrusting inside you, you couldn’t help the heavy cloud in your chest—making your silently sob on his shoulder. He wanted to look at you but you didn’t want to so you kept your face buried on his shoulder. You have lost that courage to see his eyes at times like this.

“You always feel this good. I’ve missed you,” he whispered along with a faint grunt—making you moan out loud with tears falling down from your eyes. It was a weird combination. Moaning and screaming his name in every thrusts, both of you were reaching the climax.

Few more thrust, he cum inside you—filling every space of your core with his warm release as your body jerked and flinched at the contact. Your legs felt like a jelly that you almost fell from him but he grabbed your hips right away.

Both you and Taehyung were panting hard on each other’s body after such intense and quick sex. You weren’t sure what was that sex for? Was this a goodbye sex or make up sex?

There was only silence but then, it was replaced with your small sob. The tears kept falling down from your eyes and stained his shoulder as you buried your face on the crook of his neck. The emotions that lingers in your head were too much, you couldn’t put it into words.

“Why are you doing this to me?” you spoke. A chill ran down in your spine as he stroke your hair softly while giving a soft rub on your hips using the other hand.

“Why are you making me like this, Taehyung! Tell me, you jerk!” you almost yelled before you pulled from him and punched his chest with your little might—trying to let go this slight anger in your chest. You pushed, punched and slapped his chest while sobbing like a crazy woman. He stared at you without saying anything before you finally stopped and became vulnerable again.

“Why did you make me fall this deep even I know, I can’t have you,” your voice crack.

He was cruel. He made you cry and now, he made you break Mingyu’s heart when that guy had nothing but love for you. But, after all these while, why did you still pick him instead of Mingyu? Why did your heart still want him, like this?

“I’m so sorry for hurting you like this,” he whispered—pulling your hands that covered your face before crashing his mouth again. He sucked on your lips like there was no tomorrow—probably get to taste the salty water from your eyes. The kiss lasted only for few seconds before he pulled away.

“I....I never knew that I wanted you this much until you left. Everything...everything felt so fucking empty when you aren’t here. Fuck, what did I do to us?” he took your face inside his hands. His deep eyes were trembling so much.

“You love her,”

“I was confused,”

“Don’t get it twisted, Taehyung,”

He shook his head.

“It made me angry to see you with him. I saw you that night...at the restaurant. I shouldn’t be mad but I did. I know he loved you and it drives me insane.The thoughts of you being with him, god, it’s crazy because I hate it,”

He wiped off the water from your eyes as he took every part of your face into his eyes. God, you’ve missed this. You thought you have lost it completely.

“What do you want, Taehyung?” a faint voice left your mouth.

“You. I want you. I know...what I did to you was too much. I know and I’m not asking you to forgive me now. But, let me fix this. Let me fix the broken parts of you,” his voice strained so much that you actually could feel his pain. Just as much as you do.

Tears prick again.

“I’d still want you even you ended up choosing her instead of me. That shit hurted but I’d still want you”

He shook his head, denying you immediately.

“Nothing happened between me and her ever since you left. The relationship wasn’t there because I couldn’t do it and she agreed for us to just stay as friends. Nothing more than that. She was my first love, yes but no matter how we tried, I realised that, my feelings for her were completely gone when you left. I thought it was her but no, baby. It was you,”

“Believe me, just this once,” he begged.

Swear to god, your heart bloomed like a spring. A small smile finally appeared on your lips as you stared at him. He talked sincerely with his eyes and you could see that. Twinkling and sparkling.

“I love you. I love you so much,”

He spoke and it felt genuine. You knew Taehyung wouldn’t be saying those words without actually meant it. You couldn’t remember when the last time he said that to you but listening to it again after a while, you were on a cloud nine.

You chest were full. The heaviness was gone in a blink of eyes. You nodded at him while biting down your lips before you wrapped your arms around his neck—burying your face on them.

“What took you so long to reply?” you whined softly.

He chuckled.

“I’m so stupid for taking this long,” his husky voice filled you.

“You are so stupid,” you sob—tighten your arms around him as if you didn’t want to let it go. Not anymore. Silence filled the space as both of you got immersed in such deep thoughts for a while.

“I love you too, Taehyung. I always do,” after a while, you finally got to let him know that. The sincere feeling that has been longing in you ever since you met him. It was still here to this day. Crazy.

“Can I date you?” he asked after few minutes of silence and without any doubt, you said nodded. He said the same thing to you before and it happened again. It felt like both of you just got back to the day 1.

Where both of you were young, reckless and in love. Perfectly right.

PS: I think I wanna open a fanfic request box. You guys can give me a request (genre: angst, smut, fluff) and I’ll make it happen (slowly, no tension). Also, ask me anything. I’m always opened for talk. And, thank you for enjoying this fanfic and its sequel. love u

#taehyung #kim taehyung #bts #taehyung smut #taehyung angst #break up #kpop imagines #bts smut #bts fanfics #namjoon #suga #yoongi #seokjin #hoseok #j-hope #jimin #jungkook #taehyung fanfic

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onlyfortheplot · 4 years

Text

Hello! My name is Mushroom and welcome to:

𝐻𝑜𝓌 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝓉𝑒

Also known as:

𝐻𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝑜 𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓂𝑜𝓃 𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓈𝑒

But, seeing as this course is a necessity for some of you, I would think Common Sense is something you don’t have! But, do not fear my dim-minded friends, by the end of this course not only will you learn the basic human manners integrating into today’s society, you will also use to brain I am not sure you have! :)

Lesson 1: What is Hate?

Welcome to Lesson 1! Any questions in regards to the structure of this course may be asked through my inbox or through the comments! Which I’m sure I’ll be getting a lot of for this post, since it has come to my understanding some of you don’t have the key piece to act normally in society.

Hate, by definition of the Merriam Webster Dictionary is:

1a:

intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury

extreme dislike or disgust : ANTIPATHY, LOATHING had a great hate of hard work

a systematic and especially politically exploited. (SEE HATE CRIME)

It can also be described as a pety attempt to regain the self-confidence you have lost! :)

Lesson 2: How often does hate occur?

Well, since most of these ‘haters’ have utterly nothing better in their life other than hurting people, you could say it happens often! But, watch out holiday’s are usually when people will get more hate, due to the hater’s inability to have a healthy relationship with a person!

Remember folks, haters don’t understand the mere idea of basic human decency! So don’t expect much from them! The most you’ll get out of their mouth is insults and horrible grammar.

Lesson 3: Who ARE these haters?

Haters are usually insecure little gremlins who live in a cave. Away from the world. This is usually why they have a flight or fight response, although you’ll soon come to find out they usually run away! Haters is really the name they prefer, but cowards seem more accurate.

Haters, come in all variants. Some will target you based on your appearance, despite never seeing a picture of you. Many will call you fat, ugly, pimply merely based on the color of your blog! Does this make sense? No but remember, Haters don’t have common sense!

Haters will often comment on your posts and say this sucks or I could write that too! But, of course, since they are on anon, they probably can't. If anything, they are merely jealous of your work!

Lesson 4: What can we do

We can do many things to stop the insufferable creation of these cowards! Starting with the idea, that the INTERNET IS NOT A PRIVATE PLACE! As much as you might like to think hiding behind anon, there are ways to trace you to your computer. So before you press that send button, make sure you really want that on the internet!

But, of course, many of you haters might choose to ignore this piece of wisdom, and decide who cares. Well, you pitiful, cowards I got something to say.

EVERYONE. Every single creator will care that their friends have been targeted. And that they have been send kindergartner level sentences.

An example, a formidable ask , yes:

You’s suck

This exact, beautifully worded sentence was sent to me. Tears were brought to my eyes, a thin layer glossing over as I gazed at the obvious grammar error. I sobbed as I realized how heartfelt this was. How touching. You’s suck.

Thank you, anon. for that.

Lesson 5: Summary

I’m sure, many of you haters skipped the lessons, something you obviously did during your English classes. So, here is a small summary of my points. And don’t worry! If your small-minded brains couldn’t process this (human decency), i’ll dumb out the language. Just for you!

1. Shut up.

2. Go back to step 1

3. Have you shut up yet?

4. Repeat.

Look at these, perfectly worded steps! Maybe now you can understand how NOT to send hate!

Remember the key words, Coward Anons. Shut up!

❗EXAM❗

And here folks, is where I shall leave, with a small short answer question.

How do you NOT send hate?

(Clue: LOOK AT STEP 1!)

With all things considered. Don’t send anon hate. It can cause so much mental damage to the person you are sending it to. And they could be going through anything. Stop hurting others for your own satisfaction. You have the urge to send hate, write it on a piece of paper and look at it. Look at what you want to send. Hell, even better. Send it to yourself. Look at it. And know that that is how people feel when they receive such things.

And to those who have felt this? DM someone, most people have gone through it. And don’t feel bad! Taking out the jokes, most of what I said wasn’t even dramatized . They just want the feeling of hurting someone. It really all comes down to power. People who don’t have control over aspects of their life are desperate to feel that surge of power. And this is how they choose to do it.

Please stay safe, and I hope you enjoyed and learned something from this satirical piece.

Taglist (because , why not??)

@mochiimii, @boosyboo9206, @krusty-cheetahs, @gabbywubby

#haikyuu x reader #psa #writers on tumblr #artists on tumblr #anon hate #tw: anon hate #haikyuu #writers #tumblr writing community #tumblr creators

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it-lives-in-westchester · 4 years

Text

Promises// ILITW fanfic

A/N: A random ILITW one shot based on the whole Noah vandalized houses when he was like 12, because what hell was that about. This is mostly just angst and my speculating how terrible Noah’s mom really is. Also sorry for any grammar errors and such seeing English isn’t my first language.

summary: Noah get's caught after attempting to vandalize a house when he 12, and he has to deal with the consequences idk what else to summarize as it as.

Warnings: Terrible parenting.

Words: Around 2000 words

The woman parked the beat-up car hastily in the driveway, she hit the wheel a few times, yelling out some swear words, before marching out. Knocking the door hard. Mr. Murphy opened his door to greet the woman, but before he was able to say anything she interrupted him.

“Where is he!?” She yelled out to Mr. Murphy. Before Mr. Murphy could say anything the young boy ran up behind him. Murphy looked back noticing that the cocky kid from earlier had turned silent and almost had a fear behind his eyes. It almost seemed like he was trying to hide behind Murphy himself.

“I apologize for bothering you in this hour, but-”

“It’s fine, I was worried about where he was,” The woman said in a defeated voice, she started to open up her wallet. Murphy put up his hand.

“Oh, it’s fine, it was no real damage, I already made a deal with your son, you don’t have to worry about anything,” Mr. Murphy said reassuringly. The woman’s eyes lit up and she sighed out in relief.

“Thank you so much, sir” giving a genuine smile towards Murphy, it was however gone in a matter of milliseconds when she turned her gaze towards the boy, and it almost looked like he shrank in size. She grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the house.

“OW! Not so tight!” He yelled out to her, it didn’t seem like she cared.

“We are talking about this later Noah,” She said while almost throwing him in the car. She turned around towards Murphy again and gave a huge smile before she got in the car herself and started to drive away.

“I come home and you’re not there. I end up looking everywhere for you, I think something terrible must have happened because none of the neighbors saw you, I am about to call the police, I get a phone call from an old man telling me you vandalized his house!? And then you ha-- Are you even listening to me!?”

“Huh?” Noah was looking out of the car window looking at the raindrops falling down. He and Jane would make a game out of it, on which raindrop would fall down first, this game wasn’t so much fun anymore when she wasn’t here to play it with him. He turned to his mom, even though most of her face was hidden behind her reddish-brown hair, Noah could imagine her turned eyebrows and twitching eyes looking straight at him. He started to fiddle with the strap on his hoodie to calm his nerves.

“I am sorry,” He said, he hadn’t noticed how late it had gotten, stupid summer. Stupid school, stupid teachers, stupid friends, stupid Devon, stupid everything.

Noah had been wandering around the place to find something fun to do, his mom wasn’t home and he knew she would not be home for hours. It was a bad day at school, he was just mad at everything and everyone.

Flunked another test, the bread in his lunch had mold on it, someone in the gym lockerroom commented on how thin he was, “you can even count how many ribs he has” he swear someone said. The last straw for him was Devon walking towards him in the hallway, but turning around just as quickly when he started staring at them. He did not want to talk to Devon, but everyone just avoiding him all the time just reminded him what had happened with everyone and Jane. Wandering around with these thoughts and everything else that had happened, he wanted to do something to feel better.

Unfortunately for Mr. Murphy, his house was the first house Noah noticed and wanted to take his anger out on. Unfortunately for Noah, Murphy was actually home and noticed Noah in the middle of the act. Even though Murphy was old and probably could not run fast, Noah knew he could not escape with all the tall fences and Murphy blocking off the only exit.

Not to his surprise, Murphy started to yell at him, however after calming down, he asked why Noah was out this late and on his own.

Maybe noticing how young he was, Noah lied and said he was 14 (he was actually 12), and that he could just walk home himself. Murphy was probably not convinced. Insisting on calling Noah’s parents, he finally gave him and told his mom’s number. While waiting for his mom to pick him up, Murphy talked to him about consequences for his actions and all that jazz. Then Murphy came up with something Noah could do to make up for the attempted vandalism. Which also reminded Noah that he should tell his mom about it.

“Mr. Murphy said...I could..cut down his lawn... to make up for...the damage--”

“Noah when you murmur like that I can’t hear what you are saying and I am trying to concentrate while driving” his mom snapped at him. He shrank in his seat, he could bring this up later, she was really not in the mood. He turned to look at the window, noticing they were driving next to woods which made him turn away just as quickly.

When his mom opened the door to the house he immediately tried to run to his room, but she nabbed his hood and he almost fell backward.

“Not so fast young man, we still have to talk about this,” she said dragging him to the kitchen. Noah noticed the cold overcooked pasta on the table, he sat down and looked at his mom face to face. With the shadows forming on her gaunt face from the mediocre lightbulb and her already bad mood, Noah could feel every hair on his back rising. Looking down at the cold slimy pasta instead of her eyes seemed to be a better option of the two. Noah took the fork next to the pasta, starting to eat it slowly. It did not taste good, but he had not eaten anything since breakfast so better than nothing.

“Do you want to explain yourself?” she said in a cold voice

“I was bored and you weren’t ho--”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full” she snapped at him. He swallowed the disgusting pasta and put the fork aside. Trying his best to look her in the eyes.

“You weren’t home for hours, I was bored. I didn’t mean to stay away from home this late, I am sorry” He explained himself short, he did not want to mention everything else that had happened earlier.

“Murphy seemed to be a nice guy, why would you vandalize his house?” Noah felt a glimt of guilt when she mentioned that. The guy handled the situation rather well and made sure Noah came home safe, which he knew certain other people wouldn’t have cared for. He even had him wait for his mom inside his house instead of the pouring rain and gave him a good lecture about the whole thing.

“Ugh, I was stupid and bored okay. He already talked to me about it and I made a deal to cut his lawn for the next three weekends, it’s fixed now. I am not gonna do it again, promise!” His mom seemed satisfied with that answer, but she still contuniued on her lecture.

“Do you have any idea what I was thinking when I didn’t find you? I was worried sick” Her voice seemed to crack a little.

“Sure you were” he mumbled under his breath sarcastically. He would not be surprised if it had taken her more than an half an hour to realize he was gone.

“What was that?” She uttered out to him. He tried his hardest not to break and poked the food with his fork.

“...Nothing” she dropped the matter rather quickly and he continued to eat his dinner. Maybe she had calmed down. They sat in silence and Noah appreciated every second of it, it was until:

“Jane would never do this to me” Was she serious? She had to bring up Jane now. She had nothing to do with anything. It came out of nowhere.

“Well… she’s gone, so you don’t know that” He immediately regretted that, noticing how his mom’s eyes changed again and he did not mean to sound so mean about Jane. Thinking about it, he wasn’t even sure if it had been directed at him or just something she just said to herself.

“I guess you’re right for once” Please don’t cry, please don’t cry, please do--

“She would have been here if it wasn’t for your friends-”

“But Mom it was Re--”

“AND DON’T MENTION THAT NAME AGAIN!”

She stood up and slammed her hands on the table which made everything on it shake. Noah immediately shut up. He saw that his mom’s eyes were twitching again and her eyes seemed even darker than usual.

“How many times do I have to tell you this!? This “Redfield” or whatever name it was...NOT REAL! Jesus christ Noah you are almost 13 years old and you still blame this on an imaginary friend! The reason your sister is dead is that you and your friends went to a dangerous place you weren’t supposed to go to in the first place. You should have known better, if you did my Jane would have still been here with us”

Noah wanted to say something, wanted to defend himself. It was Jane, Devon and everyone else who liked Redfield and wanted to be friends with that thing, not him. He never liked Redfield, always creeped out by its appearance, voice, and everything else. He had tried telling his mom about Redfield, it was the reason Jane was gone, and he knew people liked the truth. She did not believe him at all and just seemed to get madder and madder each time he tried to bring it up to her.

Maybe it was for the better not to bring “Redfield” up again, it just seemed like each time he did that. It made her furious, yelling at him for what felt like hours, and then he’d hear her sobbing in her room afterward the whole night. He took a long shaky breath.

“....you’re right” he finally said in defeat.

“Of course I am right” She responded walking past him and messing his hair up.

“Go to bed now okay”. Noah dragged himself to his bedroom changing into his sleeping clothes, an old t-shirt his dad used to wear. After brushing his teeth and walking back to his room again he noticed his mom standing next to the kitchen window smoking. She’d usually end hard days like that.

“Good night mom” He called out to her. She turned around almost seemingly giving him a smile. Like the previous convertation did not happen at all.

“Good night,” she said. He turned around to go to his room but stopped when he heard:

“I am sorry Noah, I shouldn’t have said those things to you, I know. But all of this is so hard for me and work is stressing me out, sometimes I just snap. I am trying here, you understand that, right?”

Noah nodded to what she was saying. She gave him a smile

“You know I didn’t really mean those things right? I was just so frustrated and stressed at the moment and it’s not exactly like you are making it easy for me are you?”

Noah gave a nervous chuckle and she started to laugh back. Then she stopped abruptly and Noah tried to take a step back. She put the cigarette away in the ashtray and opened her arms. Noah hesitated for a few seconds before he ran up to her and gave her a hug.

“I am so so so sorry and I promise I will try to do better in the future, promise. I love you so much Noah” She kissed the top of his head.

Even though she had said this a million times before and never kept that promise for more than a week, Noah still thought and hoped that this time she would keep her promise for good to do better, finally, they could act as a family again.

“Love you too mom”

A/N 2 I just want to make it clear that Noah’s mom apologise at the end is BS, because she doesn’t change at all. I am not excusing her actions at all. This is from Noah’s POV and he just wants his mom to love and support him so he’s gonna take it when she says sorry and gives him affection. Also made Mr. Murphy a lot nicer than planned because Noah needed some good happening to him in this depressing short tale :’)

#it lives in the woods #ilitw #choices ilitw #noah marshall #fanfic #my writing #it lives #it lives anthology #sorry if it is ooc #and not good #Took liberties with Noah's mom character because we don't know that much about #her and this is just headcanons

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vanillabutspicy · 3 years

Note

2, 6, 10, and 11 for the ask thingy

Oh yay an ask game ask 🤩✨ here’s the list of questions for anyone interested!

2: Has a comment someone left on a fic of yours ever made you cry?

I’ve never actually cried from a review but the ones that make me use the sobbing emoji are the ones that are like “this is canon” and “I feel like I’m there”. The latter I mostly get as DMs but yeah 😌 6: What is your favourite sense to incorporate in your writing and why?

Hmmm! This is interesting to think about. I’ll say that writing what things look like is easiest for me, but incorporating how things feel is the most rewarding. I mean, that shouldn’t be surprising since I write smut. But before I started writing I was super out of touch with my body, like I have back problems and I’d go to the chiropractor and PT and be like “oh this hurts but idk why, I don’t pay attention to what I do day to day”. So I think the time that I take to consider what hands are doing, how things feel, what urges might come up as a result, etc all has trained my brain to be like “hey turns out we’re not a disembodied entity and attention is needed in some places” lol.

10: What word do you keep using like it’s going out of style?

I notice that I keep using “peripheral”, only once to describe vision, and otherwise it’s mostly to describe touch. Probably a manifestation of my answer to number 6.

I also use “tender” and “gentle” and their adverbs pretty often. But in general I make an effort not to repeat words very much in my writing, especially words that aren’t very common like “peripheral”. So even though I use it frequently, I try to go back and swap it out before asking for criticism.

11: What grammar mistake do you keep making no matter how many times your beta corrects you?

This is hard to answer because I’ve only had one document read by a beta reader so far, and I’m trying to keep all their feedback in mind as I write chapter 2. I will say that in chapter 1 I was super inconsistent with how I wrote things like “waterbender” (varied between 1 or 2 words) and “air nomads” (capitalized or not). So I’m keeping an eye on that as I write now.

Most of the other feedback I got was not for errors but for style. I know that I lean toward excessive wordiness, so I asked for special attention on that front, and the feedback I got was SO helpful. Most memorable:

Avoid passive voice

Eliminate redundancies

This comment: “This phrase feels a little misplaced in the context because it's like a temporal description when the rest of the sentence is describing the quality of the event.” My mind has been opened to a new way of critical reading.

Any paragraph written to retroactively justify something that happens later is usually garbage (they didn’t actually say this to me, I just noticed that my writing needed way more editing if it was thrown in to justify something vs if it was written as planned).

Thanks for asking!!

#my asks #fanfic writing #ask game

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makeste · 5 years

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BnHA Chapter 248: Internships II: THE MENTORING

Previously on BnHA: Endeavor asked Deku and Kacchan to give him the rundown on their character arcs, and Izuku said that he was trying to master his new definitely-not-a-second-quirk quirk, while Katsuki explained that he was trying to find “what he lacks” because he is going for 100% completion in his redemption arc and will accept nothing less! Gotta finish all those sidequests! Anyway so Endeavor was surprisingly into the whole mentoring thing for both of them, but then his own son was all “dad I’ve got something to say too” and Endeavor was like “oh shit” and Shouto was like “I still don’t like you as a person or a father and I only came here to learn flashfire from you!” and fandom was like “HOLY SHIT RIP THAT MAN HAD A FAMILY” and Shouto was like “YEAH I KNOW THAT’S THE WHOLE PROBLEM.” Anyways then they went on a walk, and Endeavor told the boys to try and take down a villain faster than him before the end of the winter break.

Today on BnHA: Endeavor and the Rowdyruff Boys take to the streets and fight some crime. Endeavor spends a lot of time giving the youths advice about how not to be so fucking slow, and even though he’s a bit of an ass about it, he makes some strong points about how a split second can mean the difference between life and death in a hero’s line of work. Anyway so he tells Shouto and Kacchan to work on storing up their power and releasing it all at once, and he tells Deku to work on making his Air Force as automatic as his Full Cowl is. They all sit around and munch on some bread, Deku does a bit of monologuing, and then we cut to ONE WEEK LATER and FUYUMI WANTS TO INVITE ALL THREE OF THE BOYS TO A FAMILY DINNER!? Motherfucker why does the last fucking panel have more exciting content than the rest of the chapter combined. Well anyways, at least we’ve got that to look forward to.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

YESSSS IT’S MY GIRLS

is this a new dragon form for Ryuukyuu? it seems like something in between her big ol’ Smaug form and her human form? or maybe this is just forced perspective making her seem smaller than she actually is here. anyways she kicks ass as always and still want to see her breathe some fire

I just realized everyone on this team can fly? except maybe Hadou? but I seem to recall her hovering over some bad guys when using her powers a while back though. I really don’t remember much about her quirk; I’m glad the anime will be getting up to that soon, because actually seeing it in motion will probably help it to stick more in my memory

(ETA: she can release her shockwaves from her feet to levitate! everyone on this team can fly confirmed! well Tsuyu can’t, but her quirk is basically an offshoot Spider-Man brand so it’s close enough.)

moving on! looks like we’re getting some DEKU INNER MONOLOGUE

okay, several things that I like about this before we continue:

look how fucking comic-booky this is. the main character parkouring through the city streets, thinking Deep Thoughts in square boxes? pretty sure this is the first page of every single comic book ever made and I LOVE IT

that metaphor about learning to walk when everyone else was already focused on where they were going to run. god I love me a good metaphor. though Deku, you were technically 15 when All Might actually gave you the quirk. that’s not on you though, that’s on Horikoshi who I’m sure has already realized the error by this point and is probably kicking himself and will write a 10,000 word apology in the volume omake

the fact that SIXQUIRKS!! IS FINALLY BEING ACKNOWLEDGED AS A THING AGAIN OMG. I’ve only waited like 5 million years for more of this, so pardon me if I lose my fucking shit depending on where this is all headed. omg. this stupid manga

anyway!

they seem to have stumbled upon a game of Mario Kart in progress. at least I’m pretty sure this is a Mario Kart character. actually it might be Knuckles from Sonic the Hedgehog

so now Endeavor is MERCILESSLY CUTTING OFF HIS PATH WITH A WALL OF FLAME forcing him to abandon his bike if he doesn’t want to die a fiery death!

Endeavor truly does not give a fuck! not that All Might was any better, punching huge dents in the hoods of cars and shit. the moral of this story is, don’t be a villain. just don’t. because the number one heroes will fuck you uuuuuuup

now Endeavor is yawning and looking over his shoulder at Kacchan and Deku all, “oh you guys were there too?” but not really but basically though

(ETA: oh my god I just noticed the “hit-and-runner” part. have the people in this town never heard of brakes? do they know that red means stop?? also does Endeavor really spend the majority of his day just flying around dealing with traffic violations. I guess technically it’s still New Year’s, so it’s probably a slow day and also everyone is probably drunk.)

god you kids are so slow. it’s because you’re on that social media all the time! and watching all that MTV. kids these days don’t play outside in the fresh air anymore! back in my day!! anyways tough luck you young whippersnappers

Kacchan is grumping that he’s at a disadvantage because of the temperature. I forgot all about that

hey Kacchan I think your best friend has something he wants to tell you there

loool

OF COURSE HE REALIZED but uh, go ahead and spill it anyway if you want. but he definitely did realize. whatever it is that you’re about to tell him

so Shouto says that Endeavor is propelling himself by shooting flames from his feet, and that it’s probably a compressed version of the “jet burn” technique he used in Kyushu. you know, the one he used to fly, and Hawks was all “Endeavor you can fly!?” and Endeavor was all “this isn’t flying, this is falling with style” and we all rolled our eyes

anyway guys. if this is the beginning of Shouto finally learning to fly as well, I will get up and do some kind of happy dance, I don’t even know. do you even know how long I’ve wanted this. PLEASE

lol so Kacchan is all “okay I actually did know that, are you telling me you only just figured that out now” aaaaand yeah. I wasn’t gonna say it, but. Shouto how many times did you sit there and watch Endeavor blast off before you finally said “oh my GOD he’s BLASTING OFF!” sob. IT’S ALL THAT MTV AND AVOCADO TOAST! that noise isn’t even real music! get off your phone and have an actual conversation!

Shouto is so handsome and so good at accepting criticism. what an all-star. please start flying around soon my little Canadian flag

so now Endeavor is blasting off again and sassily hinting at which direction he’s flying off to next. “there’s a major street in that direction”

so now they’re taking off after him

that’s an interesting way of saying that he’s setting the whole town on fire. how do the people in Endeavor’s territory all manage with their daily commute? “almost there boss be there in five... oh hold up... Main Street’s blocked off by a raging inferno, I’ll call you back”

Endeavor says that heroes must be able to do “anything and everything” on their own, which is a curious thing to say in this manga which has time and time again made a point of demonstrating how teamwork gets the job done! I’m not sure I agree with this, Endeavor!

though I guess he just means they need to be able to handle it all if necessary. but I mean, sometimes that’s just not possible. using his own example of Kyushu, there’s no way he would have been able to handle the Hijinks Noumu while protecting all the citizens and fighting off all the other cannon fodder noumus all at the same time. I’m not even sure All Might would have been able to do that. maybe this is an example of how Endeavor still doesn’t have all of this hero stuff figured out yet

lol oh my god

Endeavor that was like four chapters ago, why are you only now bringing this up. act your age

OH SNAP GUYS HE’S MENTORING BAKUGOU. AND BY MENTORING I MEAN PICKING A FIGHT OH MY GOD

DON’T MIND ME I’M JUST WATCHING THIS OLD GRUMP TEACH THIS NEW YOUNG UPSTART JUST LIKE TOMMY LEE JONES IN MEN IN BLACK OMGGGG

so Kacchan is again saying that he needs more time in the winter, but like. Kacchan that’s not like you to make excuses. are you just going to hibernate for three months out of every year and only save people when it’s warm out?? or what

and Endeavor’s saying the same thing

oh shit y’all he’s getting real with them now

oh shit

by the way how fucking dangerous is this town, jesus. supposing that Endeavor wasn’t out here on patrol, what would be the daily casualty rate? first we had that glass guy rampaging downtown earlier, then that motorcyle guy who probably hit a dozen people, and now Tommy and Gina here nearly get run over by a speeding truck. what is this, Gotham City

anyway now Endeavor is saying TodoBaku rights so I’ll shut up

BECAUSE SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME KACCHAN THAT’S WHY! now hush!!

Shouto’s asking if this is related to him learning flashfire, because lest we forget, he’s here for ONE REASON and ONE REASON ONLY lol

so Endeavor says the two of them have to learn how to store up their energy and release it, and how to “condense” their power

you guys I am super hyped about this. not only because BEST FRIENDS PART TWO: THE FRIENDENING!!, but also because this will be the first time Kacchan has gotten a physical power-up in like, ever. (well, AP Shot I guess, but shh.) if he and Shouto are not both flying by the end of this arc then what even is the point!

anyway so Endeavor’s telling them all this technical shit about what to do, blah blah blah, but the short version is they need to be able to go from zero to sixty instantaneously, and release all the stored-up firepower focused into one single point, and to practice doing that until it’s second nature to them

omfg Deku’s so excited

BECAUSE HE HEARTS YOU KACCHAN lol this isn’t anything new, don’t be so shocked. ACCEPT HIS LOVE

though come to think, that really is impressive even for Deku that he knows about that particular technique, because Kacchan created AP Shot back when Deku was supposed to be developing his own ENTIRELY NEW FIGHTING STYLE, which you would think wouldn’t have left him with much time to spare to also keep tabs on his rival and write down his every move. so is his Big Hero Brain just that good, or is this chapter also promoting BakuDeku rights in addition to TodoBaku rights? you decide! but you already know which one I think it is lol

so now Endeavor is giving some bonus mentoring to Shouto

(ETA: why is Kacchan the only one who actually eats his lunch sitting down. these weirdos.)

you guys I love Shouto so much but does he really need it broken down for him to this degree? “son, you know all the things you do to control your right side? try doing those things to control your left.” Shouto: “!!!!” all those video games and participation trophies have fried his brain! too much Instagram! this new generation is going to the dogs

now Endeavor is turning his attention to Deku! but I’m more focused on the fact that they’re eating lunch, because my priorities are just like that

like lol, check out this panel of Deku talking with his mouth full

whole chapter was worth it just for this. boy you’re gonna get crumbs all over your super suit

Endeavor’s asking if Deku can raise his power level subconsciously, and he says he can for Full Cowl, but not for Air Force

so he says the first thing Deku should do is learn to control Air Force subconsciously, and forget about the Bloop for now

and Deku is all “what about parallel thinking” but more importantly, LOOK AT THIS

CAN I JUST GET A WHOLE CHAPTER OF EVERYONE EATING BREAD. LOOK AT THOSE CHUBBY CHEEKS. THIS IS AMAZING

Endeavor says a big part of parallel thinking is being able to do it without consciously thinking about it, and damn he’s right

IT’S ALL ABOUT THAT INSTINCT! also how does he know the man is yawning? you can see him from up there?? DOES HE JUST KNOW EVERYTHING

and he says that once Deku can do two things at once subconsciously, he just needs to add one more thing. damn, he really managed to break it down so that even this chronic overanalyzer can understand the concept

practice, practice, practice until it’s second nature. solid fucking advice

hey everyone Kacchan is still eating. just a PSA

that’s one for the family album. my handsome boy

okay like. it’s a nice speech, but we get it already dude. you can stop talking now and we can move on to something new

so then there’s some more Deku monologuing, pretty much the same stuff he was saying at the start of the chapter, and then Endeavor hits us with this little bait and switch gem

like, the first part sounded almost comforting, and then PSYCH!!!! but I guess he’s just trying to get them all fired up

(ETA: and like, just a few chapters ago we established how the success of these three kids is actually CRITICAL TO THE FATE OF THE ENTIRE WORLD, APPARENTLY. so yeah this is a total bluff. deep down he’s actually sweating and thinking “holy shit they better not fail.”)

and Deku’s finishing up his monologue by saying his maximum speed is doing things one by one. well that’s fine. so now will there finally be a segue?

YAYYYY

OH SHIT YOU GUYS!!!

are we gonna finally get into that TODODRAMA I have my popcorn ready to go!

lmao “and he’s even got friends with him, right?!” ah Fuyu you are the best. she’s so happy Shouto has finally found himself some good pals

OH MY GODDDDDD

HEY WHAT THE FUCK!!!

YOU SON OF A BITCH!! TWO THIRTEEN PAGE CHAPTERS IN A ROW, AND YOU FUCKING END WITH “NEXT TIME, IT’S A TODOBAKUDEKU DINNER AT THE HOUSE OF DRAMA!” AND THEN YOU HIT US WITH THIS. NEXT TIME I’LL JUST HAND YOU A KNIFE AND YOU CAN JUST STAB ME DIRECTLY IN THE CHEST TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU, YOU BASTARD. WHAT AM I GONNA DO FOR THESE NEXT TWO WEEKS WHILE I WAIT FOR THIS CHAPTER OF EVERYONE SITTING AROUND AND EATING BREAD WHILE FUYU PRESUMABLY TELLS THEM THE STORY OF “THERE ACTUALLY USED TO BE A FOURTH KID BUT WE DON’T TALK ABOUT HIM ANYMORE BUT WE WILL NOW!” BECAUSE THEY GODDAMN BETTER

sob. this chapter was basically just a thirteen page trailer for the real meat of this arc. some nice mentoring did occur, I’ll give them that, and I very much enjoyed it. but I’m tired of feeling like we’re just treading water waiting to get to the next big thing! surely all of the set-up is finally done now, right? everyone has their goals established now, we’ve had a mini-time-jump and school is about to start again, and we’ve done our preliminary testing of all of the TodoBakuDeku dynamics and confirmed that all components are firing on all cylinders. basically what I’m saying is we are good to go! ready to get off of this bench! GO AHEAD AND PUT US IN, COACH

anyway guys so here’s a list of what I want to happen at this dinner:

Shouto being all “this is my sister Fuyumi” and Kacchan and Deku being all “COME AGAIN?” because they legitimately thought he was an only child

Fuyu chuckling about how Kacchan reminds her of her dad, and both Kacchan and Endeavor being grossly offended by this

Deku and Kacchan spotting a family photo on the mantel, and Shouto explaining “yeah, that’s my mom, and my brother Natsuo... AND... MY OTHER BROTHER, TOUYA” and then the camera rapid-fire pans to Fuyu and Endeavor and Shouto’s SUPER AWKWARD EXPRESSIONS, before ZOOMING IN ON THE PHOTO OF TOUYA, AND BOY DOES HE LOOK FAMILIAR OH MY GOODNESS

Deku and Kacchan eyeing each other all “holy shit wtf did we get ourselves into” as it begins to dawn on them that they wouldn’t have enough time to unpack all of this even if they had an entire crew of movers on the job. not even Marie Kondo could clean all this shit up. GOOD FUCKING LUCK BOYS

so yeah! lots to look forward to! so I’ll try and be patient. at least we’ve got the anime to keep us all occupied. who’d’ve thought the Basement arc would one day be our salvation. life sure is funny

#bnha #boku no hero academia #endeavor #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #todoroki fuyumi #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #and it says a lot that one of the reasons I'm so sure it's finally going to be That Time #is because out of all of the remaining unresolved plot threads #the todoroki 'our dead brother who isn't actually that dead and has now turned evil' plot #is actually the *least* effed up of the remaining plots #so like assuming that we're going to keep escalating from here #this is actually the natural place to start #and from there we can move on to the child experimentation and afo theory reveals and the end of the world #lol we sure are in for some good times #bnha 248

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