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jankwritten · 9 months

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JASICO WEEK DAY 3: Angst/Comfort

CW: major character death, grief

Nico runs his brush over the lettering on the face of the headstone, delicate despite the dirt worked into the cracks. He should be harder with it, he knows - it’s not like he’ll be able to break it. The headstone is too new for that, not worn down with age like the others in the cemetery. The dirt around the grave is so fresh, weeds haven’t even begun to grow over it, not that Nico would let them. He’s gotten good at weeding. Pruning flowers. Anything, to take care of this spot.

Jason Grace, the headstone reads. Beneath that, his rank, and years of service. The date he died.

Nico brushes his thumb over the curves which mark Jason as seventeen on his day of death. One of the eldest in the graveyard.

Back when he first heard, when Nico first felt the impact of Jason’s death like a saw blade through his gut, Nico couldn’t come visit the grave at all. Every reminder of Jason being gone was too much, the weight of loss sitting in him in a way Nico hadn’t felt since he was ten years old. He didn’t know what to do with himself, with his grief, except to cry, and cry, and cry.

He’s glad to be past that stage. His heart still aches, every day is still hard, but Nico can breathe through it, now. He can clean the gravestone, and talk to Jason even if Jason doesn’t talk back. He can make sure this site is as respected as the man it honors.

Nico adjusts the flowers Hazel brought last night, a bouquet of blue and purple and white. Jason would think they’re pretty. The smell would make him sneeze.

His favorite color was yellow, though. Nobody ever brings Jason yellow flowers. Always blue, like his eyes, like the sky, like his father.

Daffodils. Nico will have to bring him some daffodils tomorrow. And irises, and carnations. Maybe Persephone will help him put together a bouquet. She always had a soft spot for Jason, not that she’d ever admit to liking one of Nico’s friends. Whenever Nico would talk about Jason with her, she would listen with this look on her face, like Nico was saying the most interesting things. It felt good to know someone appreciated Jason in the same way Nico did.

Maybe not the same way. But as close as someone else could get.

“It’s been a good day today,” Nico says. He runs the brush over the crown of the stone again, gentle as before. “Things have been slow. Father hasn’t given me as many jobs this week, and there’s finally been a lull in attacks near the borders. Hazel and Frank are introducing a new bill to the senate tomorrow, which…well, I’ll tell you how it goes, then. I don’t want to jinx it for them.”

A breeze blows through the valley. Nico leans back, tilts his chin up into it.

He closes his eyes. He can almost imagine the wind in his hair is Jason’s hand, ruffling in a way nobody else has ever been brave enough. Easily affectionate, despite all the ways Nico threatened him, kept him at a distance. Jason was just like that, always eager to be there, to hold, to comfort.

Gods, Nico wishes he could’ve accepted one more hug. Had one more conversation.

It’s starting to rain. The temperature drops and the sky darkens and Nico can smell it, the dampness in the air. The first drops splatter across his cheeks and his nose, his lips. He doesn’t flinch. He’s used to sitting out in storms, now.

“I love you,” he tells the sky.

In return, the rain pelts harder, quickly turning from a drizzle to an outright downpour, soaking Nico’s hair to the root in seconds. His clothes stick to his skin.

He still doesn’t move.

“Don’t cry with me.” It’s silly, to act like the rain is Jason’s doing. Still. It helps Nico cope. Sometimes, if he imagines hard enough, he can still see memories of Jason’s grin, that scar on his lip, the tilt of his nose while the skies opened up around them, a display of power, a force of nature.

Nico never saw Jason cry. He supposes Jason never saw him cry, either. Just another thing they’ll never get to share. Another thing they missed. “You’re going to drown your flowers, at this rate.”

The deluge does not die down.

It’s enough to almost make him laugh, the sudden mental image of Jason scowling down at the flowers he doesn’t really like at all, the ones that make him sneeze and itch. Jason Grace, mighty son of Jupiter, champion of Hera, using all of his power to destroy a few flowers that have wronged him.

Nico didn’t get to know that side of Jason very long, the side of him that was a young boy, the side of him who was a person. But gods, of everything they did get together, that is what he’s happiest to have had. The truth. Not the son of Jupiter, not the champion, not the praetor. Just the boy.

Nico smiles, even as he cries, leaning back in a graveyard during a near-biblical rain storm. Nico smiles.

Every day, it gets a little easier to. Every day, he hopes Jason is smiling back, from wherever he is.

#jasicoweek2023 #day3 #tw major character death #tw grief #tw this shit sad #jason grace #nico di angelo #jasico #i'd say sorry for this but I'm not #It's supposed to be comforting but I don't know if that part comes across LMFAO #i was going to have this end with Nico going home and Jason is actually still alive and the grave is just there as a reminder #but then i decided that was cheap and a cop out and sometimes you just have to write something that's sad #i'm guilty of always trying to Fix Things in my fics and make them Better #instead of letting the characters learn to deal with their situation #so here is my first foray into 'this situation fucking sucks but i'm making the best of it because it's what he would have wanted'

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lostmf · 6 months

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saduboiss · 5 months

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sometimes I just get so sick and tired of fighting just to survive.

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visilepoem15192x · 3 months

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#life quotes #quoteoftheday #quotes #relatable quotes #depressing shit #sorry for being depressing #tw depressing thoughts #depressing quotes #tw depressing stuff #postivevibes #sadgirl #sad thoughts #mentally tired #im so tired

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howlsnteeth · 24 days

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24/05/2022

#i write phrases and poems and shit and have dozens of them tucked away. went through them the other day and this one stood out to me #i'm doing fine sometimes it's just good to doodle something conceptually very sad #alluding of abuse etc. also this was within the month my dog passed away so i was going through it #also i'm working on like a bigger cotl project which is taking a whileeee sorry #artists on tumblr #digital art #pixel art #vent art #canine kin #canine therian #abuse tw

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streave · 8 months

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I want someone to notice, but on the other hand, i don’t.

#depressing shit #depressiv #tw depressing stuff #cvtaddict #cvutting #kinda depressing #mental illness #sad thoughts #self h@rm #self h@te #i want to cvt #baby cvts #tw depressing thoughts #tw self destructive behavior #tw selfhate #tw self destruction #tw sucidal ideation #tw self destructive thoughts #su

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harmful-tropes · 9 months

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I have a distinct memory of laying in my bed as a kid and wishing with all my heart that I would get hurt. That I would get into a bad car crash or I'd disappear. So my parents would cry and realize they didn't cherish me enough.

I find it sad that younger me thought she had to get hurt to feel loved.

#mentally unstable #depressing shit #tw depression #sad thoughts #child abuse #childhood trauma #vent

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shuaaflower · 8 months

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I‘m a burden for everyone. I’m even a burden to myself.