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mitsies · 1 year

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ultra violet ; dazai osamu

how unlucky you must've been, to have met dazai osamu. you don't think you ever had a chance.

dazai osamu x gn reader fluff to angst, falling in love, spoilers for dazai's mafia era, reader is a pt. mafia exec. - 3.6k

you had always known dazai osamu was a black hole.

to look at him was to look at a chasm, so effortlessly deep and empty that you couldn't see the bottom. his darkness was all-consuming and his profound desolation seeped out of the cracks in his veil like the blacktop of a playground.

for some reason, he had let you in.

you had first seen him in a bar, although you'd already known who he was. his existence wasn't a secret, and it's not like the port mafia's gossip chain would've cared if it was.

you regarded him briefly, from across the bar. he was seated near the bartender, chatting amicably. you wondered how many people he has killed this week.

the bartender smiles and laughs along, but you can see that he holds his wine glass tight as he cleans it with a beige rag. you suppose that dazai's reputation doesn't only precede him in the mafia.

dazai wasn't drinking anything, you had noted. perhaps he was meeting someone, or perhaps he was just a lightweight.

you weren't surprised when dazai approached you, in your little corner of the bar, taking a seat next to you. you also weren't surprised that he didn't ask. manners are hard to come by.

he greets you with your name, but he's never spoken to you before.

"how has your night been?"

his voice was different than you'd expected.

"a little boring," you had replied.

"that sucks," he sympathized with no sympathy.

the two of you had spoken for a considerable amount of time about normal people's things. he did not acknowledge the existence of the black blood shared between the two of you, so neither did you.

he was funny, and bright, but an eerieness followed him. you could see the sticky black tar following his movements, you could see it in his lungs and his eyes like a poison fog. you could see him drowning in it. you didn't know how to help, so you didn't.

"you're not drinking," you said instead.

"i'm not."

"you're at a bar."

"i was waiting for someone."

"who?"

he pauses. and he smiles. "you."

you didn't react, because you knew that your reputation would precede you, too. dazai osamu, a black hole, a candidate to fill the empty place of the 5th port mafia executive, smiled at you, a white light, the 4th executive.

you grin back at him.

you are unfortunate, you think.

joining the port mafia was not something you had intended to happen. you had your whole life planned out, scripted down to the very last details.

you came from a respectable area of town. you went to school. you studied. you passed all your tests. and then your parents were shot dead by the government.

(they never told you why. something about protests and abuse of power, something about fate, something about god. you weren't sure if you believed it.

you think it all started to go downhill when you smoked your first cigarette as an act of teenaged rebellion, 'just because you could', because this couldn't have been god.)

so your plans crumbled, and you decided that the earth beneath your feet deserved to crumble too.

in the world, you decided, there was nothing more precious than time. if you'd have asked yourself this question before, you think younger you would've said humanity with big puppy eyes and hands clasped like it was a prayer.

but time built humanity, and humanity was the basis of good and evil, and everything else followed. time was not just the most important factor of life, but the inventor of it. because what is life without humans to define it?

and so when the port mafia happened upon you, a young child with no one and nowhere and nothing but time, the obvious choice was to take you in.

your ability was to reverse the passage of the clock, to rewind the world into oblivion, with a touch. it worked on things, and it worked on people. you know because you've tried it.

to steal another person's years, to kill them, essentially, was an ability you would never have wanted until you realized you had it. because by the time you had recognized your ability to kill, you were already wading in the black waters of the port mafia under ogai mori's tutelage.

just like dazai, you were bound to be an executive since joining. just like dazai, you were the youngest executive until he came along.

so you realized his void before you met him- you pieced together that it would be similar to the one that followed you.

in a way, you and him were already familiar. you didn't like to think about that, though. because he was, quite frankly, a pain in the ass.

at first, you didn't mind him too much. but a few factors led to this conclusion- one of them being the fact that he was always in your office.

"your chair is so much more comfortable than mine," he explained on one occasion, as he occupied your one and only office chair. you had stood in the doorway, arms crossed, trying to look unimpressed but failing when a ghost of a grin creased your face.

that was a leading reason, among other things. he had a tendency to put empty containers back into your snack stash after taking them without permission. he frequently put chuuya into a bad mood when you really needed cooperation. he especially had a penchant for getting himself in stupid and easily avoidable situations, and then asking you to get him out.

despite all his fatal flaws, his generally unlikable demeanor, his irritating nature, and his god-awful humor, you took quite a liking to your co-worker.

in fact, the annoying qualities meant shockingly very little to you. it was a miracle to everyone, you think even to dazai.

you think that in his time in the mafia, and probably even before, he had grown accustomed to hate. the black sticky tar of anger and abhorrence clung to the walls of mafia territory like surgical gloves, for the purpose of coming out clean when blood is spilled.

(the inky darkness seeped into the skin of the people who walked over it, building under their flesh like plaque and disease, festering and becoming so normal that it was hard to remember what people looked like when they weren't blighted.)

and you think that the lack of cruelty and resentment you held was a magnet for him. dazai was so full of something dark and bitter, and in need of something to wash his hands- a moth to flame, a magdalene connection.

(the tar was well-hidden under your thick skin. dazai was a good seeker but you were a better hider. your artificial light tricked him. you might feel guilty if you didn't crave the connection.)

you had always known that dazai osamu was a black hole, and for a while, it was perfect because you were too.

you weren't sure how it happened, but at some point, you realized dazai had become familiar to you. he didn't speak of his upbringing and you didn't ask, but you could see the way his childhood flickered across his facade when he felt a genuine feeling and you could sniff out the nostalgia in him before he crushed it under his shoes like a bug.

he tried to hide his past, but you were born to rewind it. you think he knows, and you think he stopped trying as hard to veil himself once he realized.

the two of you had, at some point, become familiar to each other. you began to expect him to be in your office on thursday and sunday afternoons, and you began to anticipate what food would be missing from your stash based on his tastes.

dazai, on his part, learned the music you liked. it would be streaming softly when you entered when he was there. thursdays and sundays became your favorite days.

more and more time was spent together. you'd not only work with each other but go out afterward, too. you met his friends, ango and oda. he met your dog, snorkel.

"snorkel?" dazai had snorted upon hearing your pet's name.

"snorkel," you confirmed.

"why would you name an animal that?" the two of you were walking to your apartment building. dazai had insisted on accompanying you, despite you being fully capable yourself- something about evil enemies and their nefarious plans to kill you- you'd just rolled your eyes and complied.

"i don't see any issues with my dog being named snorkel."

your apartment building's lobby was cozy and sweet. the doorman greeted you with a smile and a nod, eyes lingering on dazai for a moment. you smiled back.

"it's a little strange, you've got to admit."

"well, i heard it on a tv show once and liked how the word sounded. so i named my dog snorkel. is that enough explanation for you, dazai?"

he pushed the button to summon the elevator before pausing, tapping his chin like a kid's cartoon detective. "i suppose that will suffice, my love."

you often wondered if dazai realized that you liked him. you didn't expect to feel this way about him originally, you never willed yourself to fall for this voided human being- but it happened. you weren't sure how.

(that seemed to be a pattern with a lot of things involving him; uncertainty clouded your mind like smoke in a way it never had before.)

dazai was the smartest person you knew, so when he first started treating you less like a co-worker and more like his partner, you knew it was an intentional change. everything with him was purposeful, a strategy, a game of chess.

(it was a game you'd let him win.)

that same day, when he'd met your cat, you realized that the feelings he held for you were mutual. in the elevator, he confessed his fear of dogs to you.

at first, you hadn't believed him- you'd laughed and joked. a port mafia executive, bathed in blood and soul untethered, was scared of dogs. but then he looked at you, and you realized: dazai osamu was afraid of dogs, and you were in love with him.

you could see his hesitancy as he opened your apartment door for you, and how his body stiffened as a snorkel leaped out to greet you. and you could see his fear diminishing as you interacted with snorkel, rubbing his side.

you watched his fear disappear and you wanted to kiss him right there, in the doorway to your apartment building. so you did.

you can remember his hands and how they landed at your waist and back, and how he kissed you back after a brief hesitation like he'd expected this, predicted it. maybe you were just one of his variables, but you didn't really care during that moment.

you kissed dazai osamu because you were in love with him, and he kissed you back because he was in love with you. (dazai osamu was a good hider, but you were a better seeker. you knew and he did too.)

the vignette that clouded your vision, the blackness and the fraying at the edges of your mind faded when you were with dazai. something about the daunting voids that followed the both of you negated each other. a strange peace followed you both, unlike the calamity of separation.

you were stupid in love, and so was he. you felt like a teenager again, the way you should've been not long ago and the way you never got a chance to be.

a teenager with a full time job as a murderer, basically, is how you felt.

"love of my life, my favourite ever, the apple of my eye! where are you?"

you often heard dazai before you saw him. he was not quiet when he didn't need to be. across from you, you could see chuuya grimace. you smiled at him sympathetically, an apology in advance.

it was only a matter of a few seconds before dazai turned the corner to where you and chuuya were stood, discussing some political uprisings in the west. he let out an elated noise and flung his arms around your shoulder.

"my honey-nut cheerio! my shmoopie-kins!" you hated him sometimes, honestly.

"you are not funny, dazai," chuuya had scowled, speaking your mind for you.

"i'll have to agree with chuuya here."

you might as well have told dazai you'd shot his grandmother.

"how could you say that," he had wailed, sinking to the ground theatrically with his arms still around your neck, nearly pulling you down with him.

chuuya kicked him and he let go, whining and grumbling. "get up, idiot, we have to go soon."

chuuya had then stomped away, and you grabbed his hands and pulled your boyfriend up off the ground. "you are insufferable sometimes."

dazai smiled, still holding one of your hands, and bumped your shoulder as he pulled you to walk to follow chuuya. "only for you!"

this was to be one of the last times you would speak to him.

(you were so, so unfortunate, to have fallen for dazai osamu.)

after that day, you couldn't reach him. the agency was falling into flames and sakunosuke oda was dead and ango sakaguchi was a traitor and dazai osamu was gone.

you could do nothing but obey orders and pray he'd return.

the night of dazai's leaving was the last time you saw him.

you had entered your office and found him sitting on your chair, like he always did. he didn't look at you when you entered, and you didn't speak a word. you'd expected to find him here.

"sit with me," he said. you obliged, sitting on your cluttered desk. you lit a cigarette and the air smelt of smoke.

the two of you sat in silence for a few moments before you said something.

"you're leaving." you meant it as a question, but it came out as a statement because you already knew the answer. dazai was leaving.

he only nodded once, and finally looked at you. "i'm sorry."

you took another drag of your cigarette and met his eyes. you gave him a sad smile. "don't be."

more quiet followed your words as both of you became lost in thought. dazai was an abyss. you had known this since before you met him. you weren't sure what brought on his change of heart, what made him want to abstain from his roots and change his fundamental being, but you think it was bound to happen. a black hole does not have infinite mass. he would reach the bottom of his void eventually.

dazai stood, and he was close to eye level with you now. "i'll miss you, so much."

you put your cigarette out on an ashtray by your desk. you planted your hands on the sides of his face and brushed his bangs out of his eyes. you kissed him for the very last time.

"me too," you had said, "come back for me one day."

"i will," he swore, "i will."

you had always known that dazai osamu was a black hole, but black holes were not infinite. you wondered when you'd reach the end of yours.

your lover did not return for you.

you knew what escaping the mafia entailed, especially in dazai's prestigious position. he'd have to go underground before resurfacing, for at least a few years.

for those years, you waited patiently. you continued your work as you always had, you let the blood run down your hands like it always had. you had nothing else to do.

in more ways than one, you helped dazai leave. you negated his darkness, you emboldened his actions, and you all but hauled him out of the port mafia himself. it was a two-man job, to disappear. you couldn't leave without help.

in his absence, a bitterness festered. the rot beneath your skin grew tenfold, like a viral disease or plague. and still, you waited.

(the saying of 'absence making the heart grow fonder' was a load of bullshit.)

you waited for him to come back. you waited for the blood to stop dripping. you waited for the infection of resentment to cease its track in your soul.

you waited, and you waited, and you waited, and you waited.

and you don't know when, but eventually, you gave up.

dazai osamu was not coming back for you, was the revelation. he had no reason to. there was no obligation, nothing but a promise. and dazai has lied before. (he was just like you, so you know he has.)

it was almost funny, how easy it became to hate him once you lost hope. you hated him, his lies and his voice, and how he'd say your name and how he made you feel whole for the first time in a long time.

you hated how you were without him now. you hated him for leaving even though you wanted him to go.

(the bitterness, the black blood, the decay bubbled under your ribcage and dripped down your spine. your chasm consumed you, brewing like a storm and infecting everything you touched.)

so you think you were basically fully gone by the time dazai really did return.

he didn't return to you, but he had resurfaced as a member of a new armed detective agency. you'd almost laughed when you heard.

this is what he'd wanted. he wanted to be good, to be a hero. he wanted to save people now. (was he still just like you?)

you threw yourself into your work. it was all you had left, at this point, your job. you have up on the idea of clean hands, of red blood, of everything being okay again.

you were born to steal life. you were born to take away time from others. you were born to be a villain. there was not much else you could do.

you had always known dazai osamu was a black hole. you feel stupid for assuming that he realized you were one too.

(you wanted to be saved. not anymore.)

(you are all you have, now.)

chuuya is angry when he sees dazai for the first time in 6 years. dazai wasn't surprised. but the genuine fury, the red veil that submerged his former partner- that was new.

chuuya and dazai had never gotten along, but they've never hated each other. not until now, because with the way chuuya is looking at dazai, he can tell that he wants him dead.

their fight is brief and over before it could really start. they're both holding back, but neither of them can really say why. the anger subsides and the fighting draws to a close.

"i'll have you killed one day, i swear," chuuya had promised on his way up the stairs, leaving the basement where dazai was formerly chained.

"by the way," the taller man dismissed, waving him away with his hands. "you're the one who broke my chains and freed me. if i run away now, you'll be suspected of aiding my escape!"

chuuya's temper flared, venom and fury spiking behind his gaze. "you bastard."

"if you do as i say, i could make it look like someone from the agency came to rescue me."

the former colleagues stared at each other, a sea of unspoken words surging between them. chuuya hated this man, he hated him with his whole heart, for what he'd done to you. but he was stuck now.

"why should i believe you?"

"i don't lie in these kinds of negotiations," dazai replied breezily.

a beat of silence passed.

"you lie, though. you lied to them."

dazai doesn't react. his face is stone, and chuuya watches in real-time as the mask slides on.

dazai doesn't reply. chuuya moves on. "if it's about the weretiger, akutagawa's in charge of that operation. he should have records in the communications storage room on the second floor."

dazai straightens. "and where are they?"

chuuya's face hardens, eyes narrowing like razorblades. he hopes that dazai can feel his stare cutting into him the way he wants to so badly.

chuuya was your closest friend. he, firsthand, witnessed your destruction as you stayed up for a man who'd never return home. he would never forgive dazai. he couldn't.

"dead."

dazai doesn't move. the world stops spinning on its axis. chuuya continues.

"almost a year ago now. they were assassinated by an enemy organization."

the air is suddenly so cold.

"i like to think," chuuya said, his voice dangerously quiet, "that it's all your fault, dazai."

they stand still, staring at each other for a few more beats before a small, sad smile cracks on dazai's face.

chuuya might hate this man with everything he has but he can't help the pity bound with anger crawling through his stomach.

"second floor, you said?"

chuuya wants to punch him. he wants to hug him. instead, he just nods.

"okay. goodbye, chuuya."

he doesn't reply. dazai walks past him on the stairs, and chuuya feels it- an incapacitating darkness, the tendrils of despair following the man in the trenchcoat.

(the void was back.)

(perhaps it had never left.)

dazai osamu had always known he was a black hole. he thought of it as ravenous, as all-commanding and omniscient, devouring him and his life. when he met you, he felt free of the binding chasm for the first time. and now you were gone, and he felt chained once more.

(dazai osamu was a black hole. you saved him from himself at the price of your life.)

(dazai osamu was a black hole. he wishes it would consume him.)

author's note: this is highkey bad plz follow me i will post better stuff later wink wink

#bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #dazai osamu x reader #dazai x reader #osamu dazai x reader #mitz writes

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archduchessofnowhere · 8 months

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Love your posts, they are amazing. How was the relationship between emperor franz joseph and his youngest daughter archduchess marie valerie? There were rumors about valerie being count andrassay's child though people later stopped the slader do you think it made franz treat valerie differently from his other 2 children. Did he neglect her due to this rumors. I would like to hear your personal opinion as well along with the facts

Thank you so much! Despite the rumors Franz Josef and Valerie had a good and loving relationship, though they weren't as close as they could've been. Elisabeth was very possessive towards Valerie when she was a child, always terrified about her health (probably because of the trauma of loosing her first daughter to an illness), openly telling her that she was the only person she loved and her sole reason to continue to live. Since she was her mother's companion for most of her childhood and teenhood she couldn't have a particularly close relationship with her father - but she adored him and would've much preferred to stay in Vienna with him than to travel with her mother. After an argument between her parents regarding her well-being she wrote in her diary:

What I most wanted to do was fall at his [Franz Josef's] feet and kiss his paternal imperial hands, even as I felt — God forgive me — a momentary anger at Mama since her unbridled love and exaggerated, groundless concern place me in such an embarrassing and false position.

That she wanted a close relationship with her father can also be seen in another entry from 1884:

For more than an hour I sat next to him, quiet as a mouse, while he worked and smoked. It must have been important, for he looked up only once, and that was to remark, "But you must be terribly bored," to which, of course, I answered impetuously, "Oh, no, Papa, it is good to be sitting here…." "A pretty pleasure," he said and continued working. The poor man! As I saw him sitting so patiently before this pile of papers, without a word of complaint… how every man in the state always pushes the cares and sorrows away, always higher and higher, until finally everything comes to the Emperor-and he, who cannot send it higher, accepts everything and works everything through patiently, personally caring for the welfare of each and every one. How wonderful it is to have such a father.

Franz Josef doesn't seem to have treated Valerie with less affection than the rest of his children, and if anything, he seem to have been more affectionate towards her than his son:

How different, how courteous but selfconscious Papa is with them [Rudolf and Stephanie] as compared with [his behavior to] me! Surely that is the reason for Rudolf’s jealousy.

(Not that it's that surprising giving how much his relationship with Rudolf had deteriorated, but still).

After Valerie married Archduke Franz Salvator and formed her own family, her father visited her often. Unlike Elisabeth, who never was truly confortable in the role of grandmother, he was a loving grandfather who loved to play with his grandchildren. The emperor spent the Christmas of 1894 with his daughter and son-in-law (Elisabeth was in Madeira), of which Valerie wrote:

Papa arrived at noon … It was a very nice Christmas Eve, even though Papa's presence did not make it quite so informal, but again we were especially happy with the feeling that he, the poor thing, was really enjoying this family celebration. [The next day] When he's [Franz Josef's] not working, he spends almost the whole day with the children and does everything Ella [Elisabeth, Valerie's two-years-old daughter] wants when she gets him something: grandpa this, grandpa that.

But the relationship between father and daughter wasn't without its strain. After Rudolf's death Elisabeth was practically never at court, and the emperor fell into a sad a lonely life. Valerie describes his visits as sometimes awkward; simply put, Franz Josef doesn't seem to have felt truly confortable with Valerie's family, and neither did she:

not to know whether one should talk about our misfortune or about distracting things, to try in vain to find subjects of conversation of the latter kind, to wish the children to act natural... and yet tremble that their shouting might irritate Papa — to see him now sink into dull unhappiness, now being nervous... How well I understand now that being in Papa’s company almost crushed Mama. Yes, it is difficult to be with Papa, since he has never known a real exchange of views. I know how deep his feelings go and how deeply he suffers and stand powerless before all this woe, with no other weapon than the traditional routines.

The one person that could really cheer up the emperor in the absence of his wife was the actress Katharina Schratt, but Valerie didn't approve of her father's friendship with her and had been very much horrified both by her father's apparent indifference to the rumors surrounding them as well as her mother encouraging the relationship in the first place. A month after Elisabeth's death Valerie wrote in her diary:

Every morning Papa takes his walk with Schratt, whom I was also repeatedly forced to see and embrace — not with my heart — and yet I think her in herself — that is, aside from the people who cling to her — a harmless, loyal soul. — With fear I think of Mama’s wish, expressed to me so often, "when I die Papa should marry Schratt". In any case, I wish to remain passive, cannot act coldly to her in view of Papa’s true friendship with her, would find it unjust and cruel to sour this comfort for Papa — but do not consider it my duty to abet him.

He probably didn't marry Schratt, but did consider her his only friend, and only after he and Katharina had a fell out that lead him to become deeply depressed did Valerie understood how important the actress was in her father's life.

But even with their differences Valerie always remained loyal to her father, and was in his deathbed when he died in 1916, aged 86-years-old.

Now on my personal opinion, first of all I've always thought that Valerie was the child that resembled him the most, specially if you compare her with the portraits of his father when he was a teenager:

So without even considering how it's literally impossible that Andrássy was Valerie's father (in all the years they knew each other he and Elisabeth were alone only once in a short carriage ride), I think there's no doubt that she was the emperor's daughter. I would say that the person that was affected by the rumors the most was Valerie herself, since she always held a deep dislikeness not only towards Hungary but also towards Andrássy himself. And if Franz Josef wasn't closer to her wasn't out of neglect, but simply because Elisabeth monopolized Valerie, whom despite being raised to be her mother's daughter, always longed to be her father's daughter.

SOURCES:

Archduchess Marie Valerie of Austria (1998). Das Tagebuch der Lieblingstochter von Kaiserin Elisabeth von Österreich (1878-1899)

Hamann, Brigitte (1986). The Reluctant Empress: A Biography of Empress Elisabeth of Austria (translation by Ruth Hein)

#archduchess marie valerie of austria #franz josef i of austria #empress elisabeth of austria #katharina schratt #asks

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thoughtsofacertifiedidiot · 1 year

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Thoughts I had watching GG S2 E5

So we're really doing this affair thing? The spirit of Serena lives on

Sir, where is your wife??!

I thought her mum couldn't afford this place. Did we resolve this??.... You know what, don't tell me.

TWINCEST! 😂😂 Will never get over this

Who is this person?

Oh right, Obie has a sister and mother he hates because they haven't figured out how to be ethical billionaires, and that's a thing I'm sure he believes exists

I don't remember the dress....... should I remember the dress? Was it a moment?.. Well if I have to ask....

This feels like a conversation for ...not here

They're trying a lot harder to make me believe these people are longtime friends and I appreciate that

What are these teachers....... you know what? No. Don't engage. just hold your breath and let it pass

Why does it feel like Nick and Julien are co-parenting Zoya?

Wow... the casual biphobia. How very Real O'Neals of them

Is every storyline about these 3 going to be about the insecurities stemming from this relationship?

I said I wouldn't engage but, it's Georgina right? The blackmailer is Georgina?

Look at Shan, sneaking liquor, like a child with parents who set limits....... a nice little moment

"We're never boring," guess that gene skipped Obie

Julien, this could've, SHOULD'VE, been a text

"...For Z"?? For Z?! Baby you are not her mum!

What does this man want from Julien? Get a job! Stay away from her! Call your wife!

These adults need to READ THE ROOM

Call her? Like if we're being good boyfriends then call the person who is clearly spiralling

HA! Audrey can be so fun

Now why is Monet in it?

At what point during the 3 hours of your adult day that you have spent driving two teenagers ,you barely know, to the Hamptons do you start questioning your life choices?

See, even he knows it could've been a text! I hate it when y'all put me in a position to agree with a man.... but his foolish ass shouldn't be texting her anyway! And the correct thing would've been to dead that shit and apologise for letting it go so far via text! Ugh..... okay I'm good again. Onward

I'm sorry, she took you to a party in a different city and did what?! Baby that girl is not your friend. Never hangout with her again.

Okay, so Audrey is fun when she's got a silly little mission. She's so good when she strong arms her way to the Hamptons and when she and Max were playing detective? Wonderful! Entertainment! Comedy! But this *gestures vaguely in the direction of the triad* can't always be the motivation for it. Not only is the resolution going to be the same, "we need to be better about communicating", so the stakes feel pretty non-existent but it's also robbing us of what could be a stellar performance. Give this girl shenanigans! Point her in the direction of a farce! Let her be a little maniac outside of this relationship

Oh she's cutting him off for real for real?

Imagine being Helene and seeing a random man playing a cello in your driveway in the middle of the night. Maybe she thinks it's normal. Like "Oh, I guess someone sent me a cellist, how nice." Or "Did I order a cellist when I was drunk online shopping... again?" I don't know what wealthy people do

Does Obie have a dad?

Gonna test these conviction now Obie.

Huh, I have the most minimal interest in Obie.... Wow! Pats on the back for everyone! You have truly achieved something here.

Julien is messing around with a married man and Obie is broke? We're really walking in the path of our predecessors here. The writers really said "Reject modernity, embrace tradition."

#gossip girl reboot #Gossip girl 2x05 #gossip girl spoilers #Next episode let's give Luna something to do #Didn't mention the end of the Z storyline cause I'd be surprised if it went anywhere #Beyond Julien taking her to an OB #And a convo about safe sex that will end with Zoya yelling at Julien (probs about Married Graham)

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mrsfrecklesmarauders · 1 year

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The morning of Christmas, Sirius woke up early. It was silly. He felt like a kid. Waiting every second for Christmas day to come. Feeling excited about presents, breakfast, greetings. Sirius found himself smiling as he stretched and yawned. James and Peter were still asleep next to him. Peter was even snoring. And James moving like crazy.

Christmas at the Potters had been the best experience for Sirius. The Potter House was full of joy, peace, and love around Christmas. They had rituals. They played games. They spent time together. The house was warm, with Christmas decorations all around, with big Christmas presents under the tree, and with delicious smells of food and desserts that increased one's appetite.

So different than any other Christmas at Grimmauld Place.

Remus should've been there. He would've loved it. For what Sirius remembered, The Lupins weren't much Christmas enthusiasts. But Remus and Sirius enjoyed that Christmas together, when they were ten. Sirius lent him his toys and everything. They played all day and ate all night. Maybe that was the best Christmas of his life. After the ones he had spent at The Potters of course.

Sirius had an urge to call Remus. Just to wish him Merry Christmas. Sirius hoped he was spending a good time with his mum. They sounded boring their plans of spending the day alone.

"Hi Moony! Merry Christmas!" Sirius exclaimed excited when Remus picked up his phone. He still had to talk low because his friends were still asleep.

Remus hummed "What time is it?" his voice sounded sleepy and hoarse still.

"What are you talking about? It is Christmas and you're still asleep?"

"I don't care that it is Christmas, wanker..." Remus said which made Sirius laugh "It is too early and I am sleeping"

"I am sorry, Mr. Grinch" Sirius tutted "I don't get it. You used to love Christmas time. Remember the one we spent together?"

Remus finally giggled "Oh yeah.. you also woke me up early that time" he tutted "You don't change, Sirius"

"I am actually getting wiser"

"Uuh, I doubt that"

Sirius giggled.

"How is Christmas at The Potters?"

"Lovely! Effie and Monty adore me. Even more than James, you know? But don't tell him that"

"I promise to keep your secret" Remus sounded very sleepy.

"How's your mum?" Sirius asked "I kind of miss dear Hope"

"She is alright... And you know what?"

"What?"

"She is very asleep as well..."

"Ooh... OK... I see how it is..." Sirius tutted "I wake up early to call my dear friend and wish him a happy Christmas and he is acting like a perfect twat..."

"Don't exaggerate, Sirius..."

"You know what?" Sirius ignored him "Fine. I am gonna leave and let you sleep. Bye..."

"OK wait fine..." Remus cleared his voice. Sirius found himself smirking.

"Merry Christmas, Sirius" Remus whispered.

"I am sorry, what?" Sirius teased "Didn't hear that"

Sirius imagined Remus rolling his eyes. Which made him smile. Typical Remus.

"Merry fucking Christmas, Sirius" Remus groaned "Are you happy?"

"Very" Sirius grinned.

"Don't forget about giving the boys the presents that I gave you, okay?"

"What presents?"

"Sirius..."

"Okay, okay..." Sirius giggled "I am joking... Of course I am gonna...."

Suddenly, Sirius' phone was ripped out of his hands, before he couldn't even react. James.

"Hey!" he said to the phone "You must be the Sirius' secret girlfriend..."

"Oi!" Sirius protested. He wanted to get his phone back but Peter was trying to hold him as James ran across the room, speaking on the phone.

"Otherwise why would he be whispering to you very early in the morning?" he added "Nasty things, I presume"

Sirius blushed. He couldn't avoid it.

"Oh Remus... It is you" James said as he grinned. He looked weird without glasses. Sirius wasn't sure if he could even see. And Peter giggled beside him. Sirius felt embarrassed.

"Yeah I know... Weird" James continued to speak with Remus "Sirius never wakes up early..."

Sirius tried to move but Peter held him.

"Are you sure he didn't talk shit?" James asked as Peter snorted "Maybe he is still half asleep and he confused you with a sexy girl from his dreams..."

Sirius managed to get off Peter and pushed him to the bed and he ripped the phone off James' hands.

"What the fuck is your problem, you wanker!?" Sirius protested. But James was laughing.

Then Sirius spoke to the phone. Remus was giggling as well.

"Sorry Remus.... My friends are very immature"

James and Peter were giggling together in bed.

"They are awake then" Remus snorted, then he faked a girl's voice "Oh Sirius! Your phone call made me so happy..."

"Shut up, Remus. Not you too!" Sirius exclaimed as Remus laughed.

"I see you are very awake now" Sirius added "To bother me"

"Consider it my present" Remus snorted "Merry Christmas, Sirius"

Sirius relaxed his frown.

"Merry Christmas, Remus" he said.

"I better go and help my mum make breakfast.. "

"Okay... Bye Moony"

"Bye" Remus giggled.

Sirius hanged up and turned to his friends. He crossed his arms.

"Very bloody funny, you guys" Sirius tutted as the other two laughed.

Sirius took a seat in bed indignatedly.

James scooped closer and put an arm around Sirius' shoulder.

"So you wake up early for the first time in your life and instead of waking up your friends, you decide to call Remus?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. He didn't like where this conversation was going. Even if it was just a joke.

"Tell us the truth, Padsie! You love Remus more than us" James tutted.

Sirius pulled away and stood up because he felt his cheeks on fire. He didn't know why.

"Fucking hell, James! Now you control what I do and the calls I make, ha?"

James giggled "Relax, honey boo. It was a joke"

Sirius shrugged.

"I like Remus" Peter said "Shame he didn't come this Christmas... "

"But he left me a very large bag of presents" Sirius grinned.

"Did I mention I like him?" Peter asked again.

James groaned and grabbed his chest dramatically.

"My best friends prefer Remus instead of me!" James faked a cry.

"Shut up" Sirius rolled his eyes "I know you like him as well"

Sirius and Peter looked at him expectingly.

James shrugged "Of course I like that little lad" he said "He shouldn't have bought us anything..." Sirius grabbed the bag from his things.

"I didn't get him anything because he wasn't coming" Peter shrugged as well.

"I told you guys" Sirius said, taking a seat with the bag in hand "Remus is a good friend. And he should be considered a Marauder"

"I thought he already was one?" Peter asked confused.

They hadn't officially said it. Remus spent all the time with them. He had become not only Sirius' friend, but James' and Peter's as well. It had been easy with Remus. To share secrets with him and include him in their pranks, in their plans, in their inside jokes. But Sirius wasn't sure. He wanted to include Remus within the Marauders, but he wasn't sure his friends wanted the same thing. It had been the three of them since they were eleven.

"He is a Marauder" James nodded. But he didn't sound so sure "Shall we open the presents?" he added, changing the subject.

"Yes, please!" Peter exclaimed. "I am really curious"

"Okay" Sirius smiled, opening the bag "Let's see..." he grabbed a rather small package. It read JAMES in a little card. "Prongsie... This one is for you... Remus told me you should read the card first. He is that kind of nerd who explains what he is giving you" Sirius giggled. Remus was so silly.

"Thaaank youuu..." James grinned as he grabbed it.

Sirius searched for another package inside the bag "This one's for you, Wormy" Sirius gave him a softer package.

Peter giggled excited and he practically ripped the present from Sirius' hand. And he retrieved the last present inside the bag. Sirius felt curiosity and excitement as he saw his name written in the card. The package felt hard, like a box. What could Remus have given him? Sirius only bought him a sweater. He wasn't sure what he liked anymore. They hadn't spoken in years. But Sirius should know exactly what to give him.

Remus was a special friend for him.

"Shall we open them?" Sirius asked, when he noticed Peter was already ripping the paper off and James was trying to read the card but probably remembered he wasn't wearing any glasses.

"I already opened it"

"Peter!" Sirius protested, as Peter let out a shriek of excitement "You needed to read the card first"

But Peter ignored him.

"Kakashi!" Peter exclaimed as he showed them a t-shirt of an anime character, that Sirius had no idea who it was.

"He is my favorite character!" Peter explained "How did Remus..." he grabbed his card and began reading "Dear Peter, I noticed you have a lot of things from this anime... I am sorry but I had no idea about the subject until recently when I started to search online for a present for you. I was recommended this tee from a group of fans online. I hope it is okay... I noticed you talked a lot about this character when I asked you about your bed poster. So I guess he? Is your favorite character. Hope you like it. Merry Christmas, Remus".

There was a minute of silence. Nor Sirius or James cared about Peter's anime or interests. It was actually kind of annoying when he tried to explain it to them. But Remus cared. It was surprising because he met Peter only four months ago.

"He knows me" Peter grinned admiring his present "What are you waiting for?" he looked between the two curiously "Open yours."

James smiled and proceeded to open his. But Sirius kind of frozen. He was scared of Remus' present. Maybe it would reveal Sirius' secrets. His real personality. A vulnerable part of him.

"Dear James..." James began reading, now with his glasses on "I have to recognize, you were the most difficult one. Even if you are so open... What?..." James raised an eyebrow "Like an open book or a crystal"

"It's true" Peter nodded.

James gave him a look but continued reading "I know you have two dreams in life. 1) Become a professional Rugby player..." James nodded "True... And marry Lily Evans?..."

Sirius and Peter began laughing at that. James went red but he didn't deny it.

"So I got you two things..." James continued "Please be Lily's nude..." he whispered to himself "Please be Lily's nude"

"Freaking bastard" Sirius tutted as Peter rolled in laughter.

"A book about strategy and leadership in sports..." James continued reading "Marlene told me you would like it..." James grabbed the book between his hands smiling "The Captain Class... It has great reviews... Maybe it will help you be captain for Gryffindor next year..."

It had been James' dream to become captain. He trained everyday and did his best.

"Also, I included a list of things I discovered Lily likes..."

"Really?" Peter snorted as James opened a piece of folded paper.

James laughed. Sirius smiled. Remus had become very close with the Ginger and he was helping James conquer her or something. Sirius didn't think it would ever happen but still.

"Oi!" James raised an eyebrow "Remus writes the type of lingerie she uses...."

"What?" Peter asked.

"You are kidding..." Sirius added.

James laughed "No. It is a joke..." he said as the others groaned "Boring but helpful things like her favorite books, songs etc..." James folded the list "Cheers to Remus"

James and Peter seemed very content and satisfied with their presents. Sirius was happy that they liked them. He was somehow proud of Remus.

But now it was his turn. Because his friends were looking at him.

"You're not gonna open your present, Padsie?" James asked.

Sirius was nervous.

"Yeah okay..." Sirius swallowed as he grabbed the card. Maybe reading its contents first was a better idea"

"Dear Sirius..." he began reading. What if Remus wrote something intimate there? "I used to know you so well... But now I am discovering a new Sirius I wasn't used to" Sirius wished his cheeks weren't burning "Don't get me wrong. That Sirius is nice and wonderful.... But different. Not longer a boy but a man..."

Peter let out a chuckle that interrupted Sirius.

"Sorry carry on..." Peter said "I was laughing because Remus said you were a man..."

"Yeah Wormy... He is The Man" James joked, winking.

Sirius smiled.

"I didn't know if this Sirius would like what the other used to... But here we go..." Sirius smiled "I got you two things. The CD includes good Christmas music. Yeah it exists..." Sirius giggled "Not silly cheesy pop songs about happiness and a fucking Christmas tree" Sirius laughed "Remember we used to hate Christmas songs with our hearts?" It was true. They used to criticize them a lot "Well now you can enjoy Christmas with good music. You're welcome" Sirius smiled "Also, I got you a copy of... Wait for it... Adventures in Friendship by David Grayson" Sirius gasped as he grabbed the book between his hands. This couldn't be. "Do you remember?" Of course Sirius remembered. He laughed happily at the memories this book brought him.

"What is that book?" James asked carefully but full of curiosity.

Sirius snorted, trying to contain his excitement "This is Remus' mum's favorite book" Sirius explained "She used to read to us for hours and I remember I enjoyed it so much. It was the first book I actually enjoyed. The only one"

Sirius smiled going through the book's pages. Sirius wasn't much of a reader. He didn't even read the books for English class, the ones Flitwick gave them. But this was special. This book gave Sirius joy and happiness.

"Wow... Sirius is excited about a book" Peter interrupted Sirius' thoughts.

"Shut up! This one's good"

"Don't tell me you were a nerd as a kid" James joked.

Sirius giggled "Shut up, James"

James smiled "I reckon we should call Remus and thank him for our presents, yeah?"

"Of course!" Peter agreed.

"Yeah..." Sirius held the book and the CD between his arms. He wished Remus was there. And he was so happy to have him in his life again.

James made the call. And put it on speaker. It rang three times before Remus picked up.

"Hello?"

That's when the Marauders screamed and yelled at the same time, thanking Remus, telling him they missed him and talking shit as always, and making Remus laugh.

***************

"Okay... What is going on?"

"Follow me this way, Mr. Lupin"

"It is the middle of the night" Remus whispered "We are gonna wake Mr. and Mrs. Potter"

"If you keep whispering, yes" Sirius smirked.

Remus rolled his eyes in the dark. But followed Sirius anyway.

The Marauders convinced Remus to come to the Potters at least for New Years.

Remus had been so happy to be there. Surprised by The Potters riches and hospitality. He had eaten The Potters' food as if it was heaven. He refused to stay in a room by himself even if the Potters insisted. Because they had plenty of rooms. Remus had been so pleased to be there that he looked adorable. And now, Sirius was taking him to James' room in the middle of the night.

When they arrived, Remus saw Peter and James sitting on the floor, in the dark, only with a candle on.

"Good evening, Mr. Lupin" James said with a hoarse voice.

"Why are you calling me, Mr. Lupin?"

Remus looked so confused. He stared at Sirius for help. Sirius wanted to laugh.

"Sit down, please"

"Am I... Am I about to be killed?" Remus asked "Because now that I discovered Mrs. Potter's pastries, I have a reason to live"

"My mum's pastries are indeed good" James nodded.

"We are not gonna kill you" Peter added "Yet..."

Remus was silent.

"Sit down, Remus" Sirius said as he took a seat next to James.

Remus took a seat in the middle of them. The three boys looked at him.

"Have you ever been in a Fraternity, Remus?" James asked.

"Like in University?" Remus asked.

"Something like that" Sirius nodded.

"A fraternity for life!" James exclaimed "One in which nothing else matters. In which you are capable of dying for your brothers...."

Remus didn't answer. He just blinked.

"Don't exaggerate, Prongs" Peter whispered.

"Shut up. I am trying to make this more dramatic" James turned to look at Remus and smiled "We would like to invite you to our sorority, Mr. Lupin"

"Your what?"

"There are three rules to become a Marauder..." James continued "One: Don't be a Slytherin. Otherwise you suck. Be a Gryffindor... You apply"

Remus was trying to hide his smile. Sirius was the same.

"Two: Have a mischievous and prankster soul. And you'd proven that" James continued "Three: Have a ridiculous nickname..."

"Like Prongs, Wormtail and Padfoot?" Remus tried to joke.

"Are you saying that our nicknames are ridiculous?" Sirius asked.

"James said it... I...." Remus laughed "Never mind"

"Well, Sirius got you covered with the nickname" James added.

Remus' eyes flickered towards Sirius.

"Moony" Sirius smirked.

That's how he used to call Remus when they were kids. When they played as pirates, Remus was always Captain Moon. And Sirius used to tease him saying Moony was more adorable.

Remus smiled "Yeah it is ridiculous"

"Ha ha" Sirius said.

"So there you go. You have the three requirements for being a Marauder" James said smiling "And, we like you. So that's a plus"

"You like me?" Remus asked sarcastically "Thank God"

"Now you have to sign the Marauders' Code with your blood" Peter added.

"Sorry?"

James giggled "No but jokes aside, Remus" he sounded more serious now "You are really part of this group, okay? I mean... There is a reason why we didn't name ourselves the Three Musketeers"

"Because you said it was ridiculous and chiché?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah... But because we were never meant to be three. We were meant to be four" James smiled.

Remus smiled as well. He looked so overwhelmed.

"We've never liked someone so much that we felt the need to include him in our group. But you are special Remus. You've proven to be be a good mate" Peter smiled.

"Remus, you were meant to be a Marauder" Sirius dared to add. Remus looked at him with glowing eyes "And that's the beauty of this group. We are always there to protect each other. So we are gonna be here to protect you"

He was saying all of this for all these years without Remus. Because he had been alone and miserable trying to be truly himself. And Sirius hadn't been there for him. But now he was going to be. Best friends for life.

Remus looked down embarrassed. He sniffed.

"I never thought this would happen to me" Remus said as his eyes filled with tears. He wiped them up with his big sweater sleeve.

"What, Remus?" Peter asked.

Remus looked up smiling "Have friends as cool as you"

Sirius smiled as well.

"Aaaw come here you guys!" James pulled everyone for a hug. He squeezed so hard, the other boys protested.

They giggled. Remus sniffed once again. He had tears in his eyes but he was so happy. So damn happy it was contagious.

"You really have to sign the Marauders' Code though" Peter said after a while, retrieving a piece of paper from behind James.

Remus giggled "What's the Marauders' Code?"

"Oh just a set of rules we invented when we were twelve and we still follow as idiots" Sirius explained.

Remus grabbed the paper and began reading.

"Do not play pranks without the others?" he asked.

"It is not enjoyable if it is not the four of us" James nodded.

"Don't steal each other's girlfriends or wives?"

"That one is important" James said.

"Bros before hoes" Peter added.

Remus giggled.

"Okay... Where do I sign?"

"At the bottom" Sirius instructed.

"And you have to put a finger print of blood" Peter added. Remus looked at him. "But we all did it with paint" he said as he took a little bottle of red paint.

Remus was still smiling as he took the marker from James' hand and he wrote "Moony" at the bottom of the paper. Next to the other nicknames. Then he took the paint. Tipped it and put his finger print below his signature.

Sirius smiled at the sight.

"Welcome to the Marauders, Mr. Moony" Sirius smirked and winked. Remus blushed. He was still adorable.

"Welcome to the Marauders!" the others exclaimed.

*********'*******

In case you are curious, this is the list of the songs Remus included in his Christmas CD for Sirius. I know Remus would actually like these Christmas songs. Because he hates the typical ones. You can enjoy them as well with this Playlist. Merry Christmas!

#marauders #maraudersera #marauders headcanon #muggle au #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #peter pettigrew #wolfstar #christmas #Spotify

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shblog4ets · 1 year

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How ICT Has Helped Me...

In Connecting With People

ICT has evolved the way communication works through the use of internet and access to technological innovations. In terms of connecting with other people, ICT has greatly been helpful. ICT has provided social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram that has helped me stay connected with friends and family members from far and wide. These platforms have been an outlet for me to easily share updates about my life & status and also keep up with everyone I know with how they are doing.

Messaging and video call apps such as Messenger and Google Meet have also been very helpful in staying touch with friends and family to a more personal and intimate level and also attend and conduct online classes. These apps have also helped me connect with other people all over the world through online games and forums that have made discussions and form friendships more easily. Messaging apps also allow me to have one-on-one conversations with others and share photos and videos immediately.

Discord has been a very huge app for me because it has a video call feature for you and your friends to call and converse with each other. As someone who likes to hangout and socialize with the people I'm very close with, I have been utilizing the app with my friends. We have been constantly joining calls and talking to each other, and sometimes we would find fun things to do together like watch movies, play online games, and do homework together.

In Keeping My Mental Health

My life has revolved around the Internet. I grew up in the golden age of technology that continuously evolves everyday and grows vastly. You can literally access the world in the tap of a screen or a click from a mouse. It would be an understatement to say ICT has been keeping my mental health at ease, but I couldn't say it never had risks either.

I am only child, so its very hard finding company and loneliness always fills my days because my parents are often busy with their own ambitions. That's not to say that I'm very lonely though, I have my friends who are very close to me to keep me company in life, and ICT has made bonding and socializing easy for everyone.

Playing online games, watching movies online, doing research and learning new information on educational sites, scrolling through social media, and listening to music, are many different uses of ICT that has ever helped me cope with loneliness and strengthen my mental health.

These activities have helped me get to know myself, to know my wants and needs, develop social skills, and create the person I am today. Without these activities, I would've been bored to death in my room and I wouldn't have learned so much about the world around me and be who I am today.

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loving-villanelle · 2 years

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The more I think about this season and the choices made I get more angry and sad. In short, it was the last fucking season and they decided to keep Villaneve apart until the very last episode, then bring them together in ways we've always wanted only to rip them apart minutes later. Classic.

It felt sooo rushed that it actually took away some of the enjoyment of the sweet moments. All I was thinking was, why didn't we get this sooner. There was no point of dragging it out like they did. (Someone said that the writers clearly just didn't know how to write them together and I'm starting to believe that's true.) And to hear people behind the show say that "Villaneve relationship wouldn't have worked, the domestic life is not for them" and justify the ending by claiming that they're on different paths is so unbelievably insane because how would they know that?? They didn't even give Villaneve a chance to try. If we had them together sooner, they could have explored the relationship and it's possible conflicts more but they didn't do that. They just showed them being so fucking happy and content with each other for a tiny moment and then wanting us to believe that "tHAt cOuLD Never wOrk". So what was the point of it all? To suffer? Now it kind of seems that the "teaching" of the show was: you should just stay in your boring marriage and normal life and not fall in love with any dangerous women, see this as a warning!!

The message from the series finale and the messaging from the people responsible for making this show is so incredibly toxic. And the sad thing is that their egos are all so enormous that instead of ever taking a step back and listening to our very valid thoughts and concerns, they'll simply double down on everything and claim that the truth was in the writing. Lies, quite frankly. 4x08 was the perfect display of how Villaneve COULD work. They literally gave us half an episode of Villaneve waking up together, doing the dishes, sharing fries, kissing, "getting married" and then were told "but this would never work and we think the audience can see that". WHERE?? Where was I supposed to pick up on the messaging that this could never work? In the bullshit scene where Eve was dancing and V was killing and they claim that was Eve choosing life and V choosing death, therefore setting them on two separate paths. THE WHOLE REASON V WAS THERE WAS BECAUSE OF EVE. Eve chose that path just as much as V did. And Eve CHOSE Villanelle. She even tells V "I need you. I came here just to be with you." So they can fuck off with whatever message they thought they were sending because they not only failed to send it, but it was also just plain wrong. A reviewer made a beautiful comment about how the wedding and how Eve's words were very much to Villanelle joining themselves with one another in marriage. Eve was saying those words to Villanelle and Villanelle heard them. Then Eve went off to dance, while Villanelle consecrated that marriage in blood by finishing what they had both set out to do. The moment where they hugged afterward should've been like that moment after a wedding, where the couple realizes that they've both seen so busy for hours that this is the first time that they've had a chance to stop and breathe and just be with one another. And that would've been a beautiful way to end it. But the show just couldn't resist twisting the knife and going for the shock factor. They thought they were being revolutionary in choosing the "right" ending, when this show has never been about right and has always been about the unexpected and pushing boundaries. About people doing bad things but understanding the complexities of the messiness between good and bad, right and wrong, and that none of those things means that a person isn't deserving of love. They had a chance to send a beautiful message, but Laura Neal felt that would be too "meh" so decided to strike a final blow that took an entire franchise down with it

#villaneve #killing eve

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aphrodite-would-be-proud · 3 years

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🕯Anon said : Can I request headcanons with a Modern Au Teacher!Erwin and his s/o is a slightly famous artist like a painter that’s always in the basement. Maybe have a moment where the art teacher begs him to bring them to the school when they find out who Erwin is with. ? 🕯

Teacher!Erwin brings you, a famous painter, to work.

{ Erwin x Reader | tw:none | fluff, suggestive kiss | modern }

{ "Leisurely Sunday in the Villa Comunale in Naples" 1993 by Francesco Tammaro Born in 1939 }

Grassy fields surrounded the old big building as the trees undressing of their leaves onto the sidewalks, currently being swept away by the janitor.

Students were filling the halls, the sound of chatter and laughter following after. Outside in the yard, the whistle of the gym teacher could be heard following by heavy footsteps as the football team started their morning practice. Not long after the bell rang, the halls were empty again only for some crumbled papers and snack covers left behind.

"Pigs, all of them. There's a trashcan right there." Levi scrunched his nose at the smell of axe spray and deodorant near the trophy cases. "Tell Miche to spray his running monkeys with soap every once in a while."

"Now now, what got you so grumpy this early in the morning?" Adjusting the lab coat on their suit, Hange replied. "Oh cut the kids some slack, their big game is coming soon or something."

"And he's been implenting a more strick hygiene policy." Said Erwin, holding a plastic binder with a stack of exam papers, mostly marked red. "He's trying to convince the principal to ban deodorant during practice because it's making his nose burn."

Huffing in response, Levi crossed his arms. "Yeah because the principle will definitely listen to him after that whole sniffing people scandal- Hey! Brats, don't you have classes"

As Levi went to scold the two students currently hanging a handmade poster for the upcoming game on the wall, a couple of students came up to Hange, looking in a hurry as they explained the Science lab was locked and they're getting tired of sitting on their backpacks outside.

Soon after, Erwin too made his way to class.

Upon entering the room, the talking quieted down as the squeaking sound of people going back to their own desks followed. Walking upfront, Erwin dropped the binder on his desk beside the empty mug, a couple of groans filled the room as the students realised what it was.

"Mr.Smith, didn't we just take the test yesterday? Shouldn't you like...I don't know double check or something? Maybe you rushed grading them?" One student called from the back as some chuckles and agreement followed from the rest.

Taking the stacks of papers out, Erwin made his way between the students, giving each on their graded paper. "I don't know Connie, maybe you should've double checked your answers instead?"

The playful atmosphere of the classroom was cut short as the door slammed open, making everyone freeze in their seats, none other than the art teacher walked in.

Nile Dawk, current art teacher who fails at least a quarter of his class each year. Who has oh just the most swell relationship with Erwin and anyone can tell you that.

You see, Erwin adored art, both the classic and the modern. Nile admired history and knew just how each art era had its link to a historical event.

And the pair couldn't stand each other.

Crossing his arms, Nile said "Erwin, you have explaining to do." Before dropping a newly printed magazine onto his desk,

Its cover, showing a brand new art museum that just finished construction and is hosting a lot of different paintings from unrecognised underground talents.

"Nile, I think you misunderstand. I teach history, I'm not an architect." He said raising an eyebrow, before tilting his head as if he's deep in thought, "or do you want me to explain what a museum is?"

Sneering at his remark, Nile flipped through the pages till he reached a certain one. It depicted a one of the paintings that will be displayed in the museum, a portrait of a blond man with broad shoulders and sharp blue eyes seemingly distracted from reality by the book in his hand.

The soft glow of the fireplace next to the red armchair he sat in, adding a certain orange hue to his light complexion. His long fingers holding the leather book as a glass-stained maroon vase sat on the small table behind him, containing a single red rose.

It's clear from the details poured into his eyes and the shading for each strand of his hair that whoever made this painting, held a great affection for the man.

"Now Mr.history teacher, care to explain why your face is on this painting? By one of the few promising artists of this useless generation?."

Hushed murmurs filled the classroom as students took out their phones googling the name y/n, showing each other the said painting while staring with wide eyes at Erwin.

Rubbing his temple with his fingers, Erwin frowned at the scene the other was causing. Knowing very well it won't take long for this fire to spread, he decided to add more fuel to the flames.

He took a long breath, before telling the class to quiet down with a stern expression.

"Mr.Dawk, are you really asking me why y/n, my love, the person I'm married to, paint me?" He said facing the other, looking directly into his eyes. "Maybe you should ask y/n instead if you're so insisting on forcing yourself in my private life."

Narrowing his eyes, Nile snorted. "You know what Erwin? Maybe I should.

And that's the story Erwin told you while having dinner that day.

He looks at you with pleading eyes as if to silently apologise for dragging you into this mess, his plate still half full and drink untouched.

Please reassure him that it's alright, you don't mind taking a day off to visit his work

He'll reach out to gently squeeze your hand in his, whispering a small thank you as his thumb rubs against your skin.

He also says he'll do the dishes that day, you can go rest and he will join you in bed after a while, a relieved smile on his face.

The next day, as he wakes up early like usual. He makes sure to wake you up with a kiss, stroking your face before murmuring "good morning" against your lips.

He knows because of your work you don't wake up early, so he's really patient and understanding if you happen to get grumpy for a while.

Handing you a warm drink to help wake you up, he'll make sure you eat something before changing and heading out.

You're not surprised to find him already done and dressed himself.

Hair as perfect as usual.

On the drive to school, you'll feel the cool morning air against your skin while your head leans back into the seat, eyes fluttering shut.

You can have your mini nap, Erwin will make sure to wake you up when you arrive.

When arriving, he made sure to open the car door for you. The fresh air and green scenery surrounded you both.

When arriving at the teacher's lounge, you're almost surprised to see two people already there from how early it was.

The first was sitting on the old black couch near the window, his dirty blond bangs covering his eyes. The second you could see making tea on the other side of the room Where the kitchenware was.

Both of them glanced up when Erwin called their name, staring at the way he had an arm wrapped around your waist while introducing you.

It was Miche who came first, standing from the couch you noticed just how tall he was. Offering your hand for him to shake, only for him to pull you into a tight hug instead.

He pulled away, tapping his nose before a smile slowly formed on his face, nodding in approval

The second was Levi, who ignored your offered hand only to sip on his teacup, assessing you up and down.

Not too long after, a person with a messy ponytail and a colorful lab coat arrived.

They took one glance at you, then the matching wedding rings on yours and Erwins fingers before taking an immediate interest in you.

Hange asked questions faster than you can answer them, with sparkling eyes and a wide smile.

At the first sign of you being uncomfortable, it was Levi who stepped in to tell Hange to tone it down before apologizing to you.

And it was Miche who got you some snacks from the teacher's secret stash after.

You've heard stories and one sided phone calls about them from Erwin, yet it still didn't prepare you for actually meeting them.

While overwhelming at first, the more time you spent talking as Erwin reassuringly sat beside you, you noticed how genuinely interested they were.

Levi, while seemingly cold, was actually the most considerate and paid the most attention to you. He'd step in whenever things got too much and would be really polite despite having a colourful language. By the end of it he even made you some tea, something that seemed to surprise Erwin and the rest.

"It's just...he never trusted someone this quickly before."

Hange was genuinely interested in you, having researched you and your art beforehand. They really were eager to hear even the most boring details and were capable of understanding your way of thinking. They even gave you a small rubber frog they carried around in their pocket to hand out. It would've been cute wasn't for the fact immediately after they mentioned the real human skeleton they have pinned to the lab door.

"His name is bean! I've been actually investing into getting him a human heart for Valentine's day, but all the ones I've found so far were in jars."

The most quiet of them was actually Miche, although he'd smile at you whenever you looked his way. Despite his intimidating size you learned how harmless and easy going he is, the most chill out of the three. He did mention knowing Erwin for the longest time out of them, having been childhood friends even. He promised to tell you all the embarrassing secrets Erwin tried to erase from existence as he added his number on your phone.

"He ain't as proper as he looks, I got the dirt on him."

You saw Erwin's jaw tightening before he changed the subject quickly, giving the side eye to Miche who only smiled back.

The rest of the day went by smoothly, Erwin didn't leave your side for one minute and made sure to check on you constantly.

He introduced you to the rest of the teachers and seemed only amused at any teasing he got from students passing by.

By the end of the day, as the sun began to set and the students already done with their clubs, you and Erwin had one final place to go.

The art classroom.

"Just one more thing before that" he told you, guiding you into an empty classroom.

You saw his desk, the mug you gifted him on father's day as a joke sat on his desk, several paper sketches you made were framed next to it.

It was his classroom, with only you and him, the door open.

He closed it.

You stood against his desk as he moved closer, arms circling you, not breaking eye contact.

"May I?" He whispered, licking his own lips.

As he got your permission, he pressed his lips against yours, arm stroking your back before pulling away after some seconds.

He rubbed your swollen bottom lip with his thumb, a small smile on his face before pulling away.

Your heart was still fluttering against your chest as you left the classroom, while Erwin seemed to be smiling at nothing with a slight curl to his lips, steps more lighter than before.

Right after that he took you to the art classroom. The smell of oil paint and sound of brushes scratching against paper filling the air.

Stepping inside, the scratching sound stopped as a certain black haired man stared at you, eyes wide and lips parted.

Disbelief clear in his face, Nile was quick to mask his emotions as he noticed the smugness Erwin was in.

"Nile, I'd like to introduce you to my lovely darling, y/n." There was a chipper to Erwin's voice as he leaned in to kiss your cheek.

155 notes · View notes

kozukitty · 3 years

Text

Forget Me Not

nishinoya yū x fem! reader.

warnings: major character death, mentions/implications of suicide. angst.

count the stars and i’m sure you’ll find me.

yuu nishinoya

january 9th, xxxx

there's a girl on the school rooftop.

her name is (y/n) (l/n)— a girl i've known since middle school. we never talked even though we were in the same class. i've never seen her speak to anyone, we all almost thought she was mute.

i almost didn't recognize her, she looked so much more different than how she did before. her hair was short back then, but now it cascaded down her shoulders like waterfalls— i was almost entranced from just looking at her. she said nothing to me, all she did was stare at me with her (e/c)-eyes that seemed so bright, yet so distant.

i apologized for intruding, and told her i had only came up to retrieve my volleyball. she gave me a perplexed look and said, "who the hell spikes a volleyball all the way up here?"

i knew she wasn't joking, but it still made me laugh. her question had almost caught me off guard, i wasn't expecting her to say anything to me. i didn't even think she would look my way.

she went silent again as i rambled about my teammates and how incidents like this weren't really uncommon. i felt my words get caught in my throat when she handed me my volleyball with delicate fingers that almost seemed like they could crumble like sand.

she didn't speak not another word and turned on her heels, my presence no longer imposing as a burden to her. i also turned to leave, but stopped the moment i felt the winter wind whisper into my ears. i glance back at her with a small smile before saying,

"you should come visit my practice sometime."

yuu nishinoya

february 7th, xxxx

there's a girl in my gym.

i was more surprised than anybody when i saw her walk in. she nearly froze on the spot when she saw all eyes on her, her face erupting into a cherry red blush as she played with her fingers nervously.

"i-i'm here for nishinoya-kun..." she stuttered, her eyes averting from every single person she laid eyes on in the gym. "i'm sorry for the intrusion."

everyone gave me the same confused look, their eyes boring into mine as they wordlessly asked for an explanation. "she's just a friend," i explained. "i invited her here."

tanaka yelled at me, obviously excited that i managed to convince a girl to show up. i could do nothing but give him a sheepish smile as i ran up to the girl who stood by the gym doors awkwardly.

"what are you doing here?"

"you said i could come," she responded shyly. "i-i just wanted to talk to you again..."

and there i stood talking to the girl who i just happened to run into that day in january. i never thought we would ever speak again, i never would've guessed that we would even run into each other at all. yet here she was, cheeks blooming in a rosy red with her silky hair tucked behind her ear neatly.

"d-do you have a valentine?" she asked, her words barely above a whisper. i felt a small blush creep onto my cheeks, giving her a small shake of my head, i responded with,

"no, i don't. do you?"

yuu nishinoya

february 14, xxxx

there's a girl in front of my locker.

she stood there with a deep blush on her face, her dainty hands clutching a box of chocolates. her feet shuffled on the ground nervously, and when her eyes met mine my heart began to race.

"t-these are for you, noya-san," she said, her hands holding out the small box that she was just about to crush mere seconds ago. i took the chocolate into my hands, giving her the biggest smile i could muster.

it was a little awkward, honestly. neither one of us knew what to say. i couldn't keep thanking her for the chocolate, so i tried my best to talk about something that would at least be of interest to her.

she was really just a cute flustered mess the entire time, and we laughed and everything felt surreal. i thought she was perfect for me, i thought she would be the one. why did good things always get taken away?

but at that time, i didn't know that. so i asked her,

"(y/n), do you want to go out sometime?"

yuu nishinoya

march 14, xxxx

there's a girl that i like.

she's the same girl who i saw on the roof that day. she's the same girl who came to my gym. she's the same girl who bought me chocolates on valentine's day.

(y/n) (l/n) was the girl that i liked.

she was beautiful, the most drop dead gorgeous girl that i had ever laid eyes on. seeing her made my knees weak, and it made my heart race faster than it ever would— even during a game.

today was white day. she was standing there outside my gym, waiting for me to walk out. i had invited her originally because i wanted to see her, but i had nearly forgotten that i had bought her something.

i almost thought i would chicken out when i handed her the chocolates in one hand and the tickets to the movies in the other, but i think she nearly fainted just from looking at the gifts alone.

"what's this for?" she asked, her voice still as quiet as it always is. i've gotten so used to it that i could still hear her even if she talked so low that wind could only hear.

"i-it's for you," i barely managed to stutter out. when she took the items from my hands, i felt my ears grow hot even though our hands barely touched. "and i-i have something else to s-say!"

she tilted her head at me. "what is it?" i shook off my nervousness, inhaling deeply before shouting, "i like you a lot! will you be my girlfriend?"

her face went beet red, and before i could catch her,

she fainted.

yuu nishinoya

march 20th, xxxx

there's a girl sitting next to me.

she's not paying attention to me though, she's too busy watching the ducks play in the pond. she catches me staring at her, but i look away before she can say anything to me about it.

after i asked (y/n) out on white day, she fainted. but the next day, she walked up to me and told me this, "take me to the pond on march 20th and i'll give you an answer."

i didn't understand why she gave me a specific day, but i could only guess that it meant something to her. when i looked at her to ask her about it, she spoke over me.

"i'll be your girlfriend." she said with a dark crimson blush. "b-but... p-please don't break my heart. i don't think i could handle that.."

"i would never do that," was what i said. and i meant it.

only one of us had a broken heart in the end. and it wasn't her.

it was me.

but i didn't know that would happen.

at the time, everything seemed perfect but in reality,

it was then that things started to go south.

yuu nishinoya

may 19th, xxxx

there's a girl that i treasure.

i don't treasure her like an object, i treasure her because she has a special place in my heart. i wish she understood that, but she doesn't.

there's something strange about (y/n). something she isn't telling me. i don't want to pester her about it, but i can't help but worry. it always seems like she is never really here— like she's always somewhere else. she had always been that way, even in middle school. i never knew why, not even now.

"noya, you really are amazing," she told me. "i admire you a lot. not just because you're my boyfriend, but just because you're someone who's easy to look up to. not height wise though."

her smile was light, it was seamless, it was beautiful. but for some reason, i couldn't detect an ounce of happiness. i never understood how someone so gorgeous could look so sad.

"(y/n)... is there something you aren't telling me?" i ask, my voice laced with concern. she only smiled at me. she said nothing. she only smiled.

the same smile that was filled with pain.

yuu nishinoya

june 4th, xxxx

there's a girl that i'm always around.

she's rather gloomy, but i've actually grown very attached to her. i don't mind her gloominess, i actually think it's really cute. sometimes, she makes me laugh with the absurd things that she says.

the way i feel around (y/n) is hard to explain, even i don't understand how i feel. i love being around her, and when she's not around i always miss her, even if she's gone for five seconds. i think it's weird, but i feel like she's a part of me now. i can't imagine a day in my life without her.

i wish i could tell her everything i felt about her. i wish she would tell me how she felt from time to time. i know she's keeping a lot of things from me, but i feel like its for a good reason. i tell (y/n) everything, and she normally does the same.

so why does this bother me so much?

i understand. i respect her privacy. but does she not trust me? does she not think that i'll see her the same?

i'll fix it. i'll get her to see me as someone she can trust. i'll get her to see me as someone she can trust with everything she has without judgement.

i want her to trust me with her heart.

yuu nishinoya

july 27th, xxxx

there's a girl that i love.

we were walking home from the fireworks festival. there was an odd vibe surrounding (y/n), like something was bothering her. i didn't ask her about it, because well, i didn't want to pester her or pressure her into thinking she had to tell me anything.

but i had something to tell her, something i had been meaning to tell her for a while now but never had the chance. something that i wanted her to trust me with, something that i wanted her to trust in so blindly that she would always believe in me.

and so, standing in front of her door to her home, i turned to her with flushed cheeks, taking a deep breath before shouting,

"i love you, (y/n)! i'm in love with you. no words could describe the way i feel about you. i love you so much, that even the words alone don't feel like i'm expressing it enough!

i love everything about you! i love the way you dress, i love the way you style your hair everyday, i love how smart you are, i love how funny you can be without trying, i love how you can make me feel like the most luckiest guy in the world! i love you! and i'd shout it to the whole world if you wanted me to! i'd tell the whole school! i love you, (y/n), and i will for eternity!"

even with the flustered look on her face, she gave me a laugh. it was small, it was nearly lifeless, yet it was for me. and i loved it. she holds my hand in hers delicately, her thumbs caressing the back of mines with the most gentle touch.

"yuu, i think you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. i love you more than life itself. you are my entire world, you know? thank you for giving

me this love. thank you for giving me this happiness. i don't want you to ever forget me."

i don't get the chance to respond before she opens the door of her home to step inside. she gives me one last smile before shutting the door, a smile brighter than any star in the night sky, a smile brighter than any diamond i could imagine.

"see you tomorrow."

that tomorrow never came.

all i received the next day was a phone call that i knew would change my life,

"n-nishinoya-san...! (y-y/n)... s-she's..."

my heart raced in my chest, my breathing stopped in that moment,

"s-s-she's dead...!"

there would never be a tomorrow for us.

yuu nishinoya

september 2nd, xxxx

there's was a girl who loved me.

a girl who helped me. she helped me with so many things she didn't know about. she helped me live. she helped me grow. she helped me see. she helped me love.

she was everything i wanted, and more. i loved her with every ounce of my being. i loved her more than i loved anything in this world, i loved her more than my biggest passion.

why didn't i see? why couldn't i see how bad she was hurting? she tried telling me in her own way, i know she did. so why couldn't i figure it out? why am i so stupid? why didn't i do more? why couldn't i do enough?

why do i have to stare at the flowers that rest on your desk in our classroom? why do i have to get looks of pity from everybody? why does everyone whisper and offer condolences as if they knew you?

why didn't you tell me? why won't you answer?

why did you leave me?

—✰—

yuu nishinoya

october 21st, xxxx

there's was a girl who i wanted to spend my life with.

everyday without her feels like a lost cause. i have no motivation. she was the reason why i wanted to keep going, she gave me hope, she gave me encouragement. she told me i gave her happiness, when in reality she was mine.

how does someone cope with this pain? it's been over a month. nothing stops hurting. it just gets worse and worse. i fall in love with her memory more and more everyday. why did it have to be her? why did it have to be me? why did it have to be us?

i wish i could've given her everything she deserved. i wish i could've helped her value her life as much as i did. i wish i could hold her right now. i want to tell her how much i love her again.

i would give anything to have her back. i miss her so much, it hurts. everything hurts so bad. why won't the pain stop? why does it never end? i want to start over. i want to redo everything. i want to press rewind.

i want to live with you again.

a life without you is so hard to live in.

i love you.

—✰—

"good evening, nishinoya-san,” the woman greeted with a soft smile on her face. "its been a while, hasn't it? how have you been faring?"

"alright, i guess."

"i've read your journal entries," the woman pulled out the battered notebook from her bag. "it really helped me better understand what you're going through, nishinoya-san. thank you for trusting me with it."

nishinoya shrugs, his expression blank and eyes void of emotion as he took the notebook from the womans hands. “i mean, you asked for it so..”

the woman nods, crossing her legs with a never-ending smile. “i’m glad you wrote about how you’ve been feeling. it’s healthy to express your emotions in some way— anything is better than keeping them bottled up,” she states, her fingers adjusting her sleeves absent-mindedly, “do you think writing has been helping you cope, nishinoya-san?”

“you could just call me noya.. and i guess so? i think i finally have the motivation to do the things i like now. at first it was hard to get back into the rhythm of things but things are sorta better now…” nishinoya explains, eyes moving to focus on the journal that he clutched in his hands tightly.

“i’m glad you’re easing back into your life, noya-san. take your time, okay? healing takes time, and you have all the time in the world. heal at your own pace, don’t worry about who won’t stick around, just think of who'll be around after the storm. you understand?”

“um, yeah.” nishinoya swallows harshly, a bitter taste suddenly being left in his mouth. who’ll be around after the storm, eh? does it even really matter?

without you, my storm is everlasting.

“i know it doesn’t make sense right now. if i’m being honest with you, you’ll probably never get over miss (l/n)... but the whole point of healing is acceptance, and not allowing grief to take over your life,” the woman places her hand over his reassuringly. “it won’t be easy, it never is. but you’re strong, noya-san. do you know how i know?”

“...how?”

“because, you relived those painful memories of yours and put them in this journal,” she tapped the book in his lap. “you tried to cope with your pain on your own, before you even met me. you felt helpless, and yet you still desperately tried your best to crawl out. do you know what most people do? wallow in their own pain. you should be proud of yourself, you should be motivated. do you know why? because you will heal.”

nishinoya stared at the woman in shock, unable to hold back the tears that gathered in his eyes. “h-how could you say that...?” he asked, endless warm tears slipping from his eyes. “h-how c-could you say that i’m strong? i-i’ve d-done nothing b-but cry and beg to g-god that she would come b-back... i-i’ve done nothing b-but b-beg for my p-pain to be taken away.”

he sobbed. he cried so hard that it hurt. he sobbed so loud that his throat hurt and his lungs helplessly begged for air. “i-it... i-it hurts...! i want her back... i-i want her back so bad…” he wailed desperately. “i-i miss her! i w-want her back... i-i w-want to start over...! e-even just f-for a second, even i-if it’s just a-an illusion... i want to see her again...!”

the woman nods, her arms surrounding him in a comforting embrace, “i know you do. noya-san. i really get it, i promise. you’re doing great, and you know what? i want you to write in your journal again. but for now, i want you to let it all out, right here.”

and so, that evening on january ninth,

nishinoya cried until his eyes could no longer produce tears,

and he shouted until his throat hurt.

—✰—

yuu nishinoya

january 12th, xxxx

there was a girl that i dreamed of.

the roof is empty without her today. it's empty every day without her. everything feels empty sometimes, even my heart.

i tried to heal, i even asked for help, yet i still can't get over you. it's like you took a part of me with you when you left. i love you so, so much, that when i write about you, i have to suppress myself so the words don't spill out like waterfalls,

i have to suppress myself from succumbing to the darkness in my heart. without you, there's no light. even the sunniest days still feel dark. i miss you. i want to hold you again. this time, i won't let you go.

this time, i'll give you everything you deserved. even if you want the world, i would try my best to give it to you.

the rooftop is quiet without her today. it was quiet even when she was here but, now the wind doesn't whisper to me anymore.

when i turned to leave, i stopped. why couldn't i move? why was my heart racing? why was my holding my breath?

when i turned, i dropped to my knees in sorrow. but i also felt relieved.

with a smile of a million angels, there she stood.

she was right in front of me.

#anime #yū nishinoya #nishinoya x y/n #nishinoya x you #nishinoya imagine #nishinoya fluff #haikyuu angst #haikyuu!!#haikyū!!#haikyu x reader

115 notes · View notes

mooniefics · 3 years

Text

— insubordination

pairing : eren jaeger / fem reader

word count : 5.7k

tags : porn w plot, eventual smut, angst-ish

warnings : nfsw, non-con/extremely dub-con, impact play, descriptions of blood and injury, ooc eren being very mean

summary : you were nothing in his eyes, and he was nothing in yours. that's how it was meant to be, that's what commander hange had assumed when they assigned you such a simple role. but people are unpredictable, and sympathy for the wicked can make you do some pretty stupid things.

— originally posted 1 / 4 / 21 on ao3 —

this task was arguably your least favorite part of the day.

it was too quiet, eerily silent when you walked down the steps, and that one uneven brick always seemed to trip you up when you weren't looking out for it. balancing the dishes on the serving tray also wasn't the easiest, and it was all the more demeaning when he would be waiting for you by the bars, eyes as empty and uninterested as ever but still fixed on your every movement.

you were a soldier, not a waitress, and a part of you wondered why they didn't just make the marleyans do such a belittling task rather than force you to lower yourself down to such a level three times a day. but you knew it was because he'd be less hesitant to strangle the life out of any non-paradisian before he'd go after someone from the island, and you had enough self defense training to withstand any escape attempts he might make.

but eren jaeger seemed docile when he was in his cage, and that fact eased you just the slightest bit when you descended the stairs to his cell that day, toting a sandwich and a glass of water on the tray for him. you thankfully caught yourself before you tripped up on that uneven last step, breathing out a little sigh of relief about not having to deal with split food and broken dishes along with the humiliation of screwing up such an easy task. you didn't want to give him another reason to look down at you, another excuse to see you as even lesser than he already perceived you as.

he didn't seem to care much for a select few from his graduating class, and you seeing that you were trained with the 106th training corp, you hadn't had any sort of direct interactions with him until you were assigned to bring him his food for the day. at first, commander hange had insisted on doing it personally, but as the workload increased and the luxury of free time dwindled, the duty was passed onto you.

you had honestly been terrified when you first faced him, hoping that those bored yet sharp green eyes didn't catch the way your hand trembled when you fit the key into the lock, opening up the slot in the door that was just big enough to slide the tray and its contents across to him. he didn't say much, no hellos or thank yous exchanged, just a brief glance at your face and a muttered "you're new" as he took the tray to his bed and sat, silently eating his meal and sliding back the tray and empty dishes for you to take back up with you. and that was how it usually went, no fuss from either end, just a silence that was barely occupied by the scrapes of his utensils on the plate and the occasional clearing of his throat.

you expected another quiet interaction as you stepped across the old brick floor, keeping an impassive expression even after seeing that he was waiting for you at the bars, wearing nothing besides a pair of trousers that sat low on his hips. you ignored his uncharacteristically intent gaze, setting the tray down on the ground and fetching the ring of keys from your uniform, struggling to not let your eyes wander over him.

something felt different, an unusual feeling of trepidation that clung to you as you picked out the right key, unlocking the serving slot and slipping it back into your pocket. besides his evident lack of a shirt, there was nothing odd about today, nothing that should make you feel the agitation that was creeping up your spine. you swallowed down your nerves as you set the tray down like you always did, sliding it over onto his side of the bars. he always seemed much taller when he was up close like this, and even with his relaxed posture he still towered over you. his robust frame only served to make him more intimidating, muscles flexing beneath the pale skin littered with past scars. you didn't expect to feel the warmth of his fingers brushing over yours when he reached out to take the tray, suppressing the flinch that threatened to make you jump away from his contact, looking up to meet his steady gaze.

"thank you." he said, the slightest of smiles perking up at his lips at the sight of your surprised expression.

despite having the tray in his grasp, he didn't pull away from his place before you, drawing a few fingers down the side of your hand, not taking his eyes off of yours. you gave a gentle push of the tray, urging him to take it, not wanting to back down from what you assumed to be a test of your courage.

"hurry up and eat, jaeger. i don't have all day." you told him with much less authority than you would've hoped, but felt the smallest bit of pleasure from how he blinked at you, most likely not expecting you assertion.

"you know, you can call me eren."

that was the last thing he said before he let his gaze fall to the tray, warmth receding as he took his meal to his bed to eat. that was the most words you'd ever said to one another, arguably the most startling encounter you'd ever had as well. he seemed almost happy to see you, any show of emotion besides indifference was magnified by how rarely it appeared, but you reminded yourself that this was no reason to let your guard down. in fact, this was only more reason to keep a closer eye on him.

he could be planning something, you wouldn't put that kind of scheming past him, you'd heard the murmurs across your unit about how isolated his desires were from the greater good of humanity. he'd lashed out at his superiors as a cadet, he'd rebelled against the judgement of the former commander, fought the levi ackermann for selfish, narrow-minded reasons.

but, really, couldn't he escape whenever he wanted? freedom was just an injury away for him, he could shift into his titan form whenever he pleased and completely demolish the cell and everything above it, run off to see whatever corner of the world he wished to or murder whomever he had on his hit list. perhaps he was merely toying with you, the boredom of isolation driving him to tease the soldier who'd never once gotten the chance to see past the territory just outside the walls despite being a scout. you were surprised that he hadn't gone crazy from being locked up in a cell with just a bed, a sink, and a small barred window, not even a journal or a book for entertainment, although he was unhinged enough to have to be held here, so you assumed that it somehow balanced out in some odd way.

you told yourself to just take a deep breath as you stood by and waited for him to finish his meal, chalking up his behavior to him being an eccentric man with an endless amount of free time in his hands. he didn't speak any more when he passed back the tray and dishes, only offering another faint smile that didn't quite meet his eyes before returning to his bed, allowing you to latch the lock once more and make your quick exit up the stairs, thankfully out of his sight and not dropping anything when you tripped up on that uneven step.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"eat with me."

he didn't react to your incredulous look from behind the bars, steady stare staying trained on your face, fingers brushing just over your hand. it took you a moment to find your voice. "no."

"why not?" he replied easily, either entirely unaware of his aloofness or intentionally putting up the front of detached confusion.

"you're in there for a reason, eren." you said, giving a gentle push forward to the tray, "now eat."

it had been just over a week since your first conversation, he'd made no attempt to initiate another in the following days until just now. but he wasn't showing the hint of contentment he'd allowed to peek through on his features the last time, just the cool, uncaring demeanor that you'd become accustomed to as he delivered such a ridiculous request.

"i don't want to eat alone." he persisted, punctuating the sentence with his own nudge of the tray back to you, "what could i do? even if i tried to escape, the guards outside would catch me before i made it far." there were no guards outside, but you didn't tell him that. "you'll have wait on me to finish anyways."

you didn't reply back, not wanting to speak and risk him hearing your voice wobble, or let a nervous stutter slip. you found it strange how his displays of humanity were more startling than when he lacked them, the image of his more mechanical self that you'd grown used to, the one that you were alright with leaving in a cell alone for days, being shattered by the slight smiles, the naivety that came in him even thinking that you would comply with his desires.

"i could stand away from the door if it'd make you feel better, you don't even have to sit next to me. i just.." he turned away, lips turning down in an almost sheepish frown. "i just want to feel like someone is in the room with me."

you were almost afraid of this new emotion from him, having to force your brow to not knit into an expression of surprise and your mouth to not fall open at this incredibly unfamiliar territory. you felt that you were good at reading people, good enough to sniff out most false claims and facades that were put up by the people you were close with, but you weren't close with him, not in the least. all you knew of him was his name, his designation, his special abilities, and that he seemed to like soup the best, considering that he always finished the fastest on the days you brought it down for him. how convenient that you had a bowl for him today, alongside a small loaf of bread and the usual glass of water. but looking over his face, you couldn't help but feel your resolve crack just the slightest bit at the sight of him.

it made sense that he was getting lonely down here, the only people that were allowed to speak to him were you and the commander, and seeing that no one had gotten reamed for making an unauthorized visit, you were sure that the small group he was acquainted with weren't sneaking out to give him some company. and there seemed to be genuine emotion gleaming in his usually dull eyes, cheeks and ears flushed with a soft red that warmed his features, a kind of reaction that you found to be hard to fake. you didn't exactly lose sleep over his imprisonment, but you weren't a monster, you didn't discount the mental toll that this kind of solitude could have on a person.

"move away from the door."

the words slipped out of you before you had a chance to think about them anymore, slightly eased by the fact that he actually followed your order and stepped back as far as he could. you picked the ring of keys out of your pocket, finding the one that unlocked the door to his cell and slowly pressing it into the keyhole, letting out a small breath of alarm when you heard the inner mechanisms unlatch.

you couldn't help the way your eyes darted over to him, half expecting him to come running to shove past you and make a mad dash out of the barracks. but he stayed right where he was, not moving even as you pushed open the door and stepped in, trying not to turn your back to him for too long as you eased it shut and tucked the keys back into your pocket, taking his tray and setting it at the foot of his bed like he always did before returning to your place at the door, giving a small nod to let him know he could move.

he was relaxed as ever, nearly smiling to himself as he took a seat, as opposed to you, who's back was stiffened into the straightest your posture had been in weeks, clenched hands that were becoming clammy with sweat. you knew exactly why you were getting so worked up over being on the other side of the bars that had giving you that sense of security now only giving you the sense of being caged in with someone who was really more of a stranger to you than anything. but he seemed more than pleased to have you in his vicinity, and the look on his face eased the chill rattling up your back, threatening to make you look more like a cornered animal more than a stoic soldier.

he was halfway through his soup when he reached for the bread, raising it to his lips to take a bite before he stopped, glancing over to you with a sudden intrigue. you watched as he broke it in two, not minding the crumbs that fell down onto his shirt and lap, holding the larger looking piece out to you. "here. it wouldn't be fair if you just had stand there and watch me enjoy my meal."

if your eyes widened in surprise, he didn't react to it, only adding a slight wave to his outstretched offering. you forced your foot forward, nervous to approach him but wanting to accept what felt like a sort of peace offering, a wordless assurance that he meant well. for the first time, his mouth drew back into a smile, a full, genuine, almost charming smile when you took the bread, hoping he didn't catch the way your fingers trembled as you stood there, unsure of whether to focus on the warmth of his gesture or taking a bite like he seemed to be expectantly waiting for you to do.

you didn't realize how dry your mouth was until you bit off a small chunk, chewing much longer than you usually did before you swallowed it down, not tasting anything but feeling your heart skip at the sight of his happiness. you retreated to your place at the door, finishing off the bread, watching him quickly wrap up his own meal and get everything back in order on the tray. he didn't usually do that either.

you felt an uncomfortable squeeze in your chest when he stood, gathering the tray in his hands and walking up to you with slow steps. he made sure to keep a good distance away from you, probably not wanting to give you any reason to be anymore afraid that you already were. you took the tray when he held it out to you, and he stayed holding onto it with you just a moment longer than he needed to, gleaming eyes wandering over your face in that little bit of time before he released his grasp, stepping back to where he originally had when you first entered and mimicking your small nod to tell you it was alright to go.

you couldn't help the smile that tugged at your lips, a shy, nervous little close-lipped smile that came with the blush darkening on your cheeks, nudging open the cell door with your foot and exiting without a problem. and as you fished the key ring out of your pocket and found the right one to slide into the keyhole, he took a seat at the foot of his bed, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, gazing up at you as you secured the lock back into place.

"thank you."

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

you found yourself going into his cell a lot more often than you probably should've.

the first couple days you stood at your place by the unlocked door, seeing how with each passing day you exchanged more and more words, the conversations becoming less stiff and hesitant. you only went in at lunch, since in the morning there were a lot more people milling about after breakfast, and in the evening the guards that stood outside by the stairs actually came to ensure he didn't get out during the night. the afternoon was the only time where everyone had already gone to their designated workstations, and besides the stray person or two that happened to pass by during that time, no one was around to catch your massive insubordination of orders.

you'd eventually began to sit at the foot of the bed, the tray putting a comfortable distance between the two of you as you chatted. he would offer you bites of his sandwich, or a piece of his bread like he did the first time you shared a meal, always giving you a little something despite your insistence that he kept it for himself, saying that "it would be unfair to starve his guest". speaking casually was surprisingly easy, passing stories of your training days and your initial struggles with omni-directional movement gear back and forth, letting him tell you about his time across the ocean and appreciating how intently he listened to you lamenting about the severe lack of exposure you had to the world outside the walls.

you couldn't admit it to anyone else, but you had begun to grow fond of him. the initial expression of cool apathy completely melted away when you were with him, the features of his face which you had initially found stern becoming somewhat handsome when he was giving those little smiles, a breath of a chuckle when you said something he found funny, or the focused expression he would take on when he nodded along to the stories from your childhood you had to offer. perhaps under different circumstances, you might've even wanted to see if things could go further than easy banter between two friends, biting your tongue when you thought about slipping in something about how he could be your guide when you could finally go out and see the world.

there was no way they would keep him in here forever, the effort to cover new ground and widen the army's frontiers was going swimmingly from the looks of it, so maybe there'd be a day in the future where you could walk about with him, away from the brick of his cell and without the bars separating you. that thought had been especially nice to think about as you sat on your calves across from him on the bed, your half of today's bread nearly gone as you listened to him talk about what he would get up to when he was a child, running around his hometown by himself and trying to sneak into taverns to catch a peek at the barmaidens.

"you know, there was this one particular girl that i remember being head over heels for," he mused, pausing to lick the bit of soup that had swiped across his lips from his last spoonful, "one time she came to my home for my father to check out her arm, said she'd gotten grabbed by one of the more unsavory characters that hung around those bars. i was so angry i almost went out looking for him myself."

you giggled a bit at the mental image, a wide-eyed little boy with the big dream of saving his childhood crush from the evil world. "isn't that sweet?" you quipped with a smile, quickly eating the last bite of bread in your hand and dusting off the crumbs onto the floor, "what'd she look like? she had to be beautiful to catch your eye." you tried not to let your disappointment in letting that slip show as you waited for his reply, mentally noting to have a bit more verbal control the next time.

"well, she actually kind of looked like you."

you felt your face pink at that, trying not to show your embarrassment as you cleared your throat. "r-really?" that was all you could manage, only feeling even more flustered by the slight grin he gave.

"really. you're obviously not identical, but there are a couple of things that remind me of her when i look at you." he shifted his position a bit, the space between you narrowing as he leaned over the tray to get a better look at your face. "your eyes look like hers, a different color, but the same shape. and you have the same freckle right here."

he pointed to the place on your face, finger inches away from you but still the closest you'd ever been to touching aside from the light brushes of your hands when you passed the tray to one another. "and now that i'm really looking, you both kind of have the same hair."

he was much closer than before, both of your knees at either end of the tray because of how it'd been pushed, realizing that you yourself had been unconsciously leaning forward. the warmth of his hand brushing across your cheek was a bit startling but definitely not unwelcome, thumb catching a stray lock of hair to tuck behind your ear.

"yeah.. you do." he murmured quietly, but you were more than close enough to hear it, able to pick out the brighter flecks in his brilliantly green irises, feeling his soft exhales fanning across your lips.

you couldn't believe you had let this happen, let yourself end up like this with the man you were supposed to just bring food to and guard from a distance, but at the same time you couldn't pull away, couldn't force yourself to part from the now low-lidded eyes gazing at you with such an unreadable depth, just barely obstructed by the hair that had slipped out of the messy style he had it drawn up in today, full lips parted and just a breath away from pressing onto your own. and so you let your eyes fall shut, feeling his hand slip further into your hair, fingers working deeper into it like they were meant to be there. but instead of a kiss, you felt his grasp in your hair suddenly tighten, barely able to let out a small gasp of pain before he drew your head to the side and smashed it into the brick wall next to you.

pain exploded across your skull, white spots blotting out your vision when your eyes flew open, unable to hold yourself up when he threw you down on the bed, already feeling the warmth of blood seeping out of the broken skin. you could faintly hear the clatter of metal and the smash of porcelain on the floor when he kicked the tray to the ground through the ringing in your ears. your first attempt to speak came out as almost a wheeze, mouth numb with shock as you tried to force your leadened limbs to move, writhing uselessly as he began to wrestle off the belt of your jacket, flipping you onto your stomach as soon as it came undone and ripping the jacket off of you with one strong pull to the collar.

"hel—help !" you wailed almost incoherently into the empty hall, knowing for a fact that no one was there but hoping there was somebody, anybody that could possibly be wandering past the building outside would come to save you.

all your combat experience meant nothing now that he had you sprawled out under him, straddling you as he tied your hands behind your back with your own belt, laughing coldly at every half-hearted squirm and small sob that left you. the wound on your head sent an unbearable ache through your entire body, beginning at your temple and searing through every nerve, each rough jostle from the body on top of you only adding to the pain.

"thank you for being such a kind guard," he drawled, audibly shaking your jacket to figure out which pocket the keys were in, "you really are great company, and such a sight for sore eyes."

your spotty vision was only further obscured by the tears that were now dripping onto the sheets. "p-please, d-don't hurt me..!" you cried, seeing him toss the jacket down on the floor, most likely having pocketed the keys for himself. he hauled your hips up by the waistline of your trousers, seeming to take joy in the way you whimpered at the strain you felt in your arms.

"do you really think you're in the place to make demands?" his voice was dripping with arrogance, breath hot on the back of your neck as he spoke into your ear, "the one who was stupid enough to fall for such a simple trick? the way i see it, it's almost like you were asking for this to happen."

you furiously shook your head at that, ignoring the way each thrash sent an ache echoing through your skull, teeth clenched in pain as you tried to force the words out. "n-no.. please, n-n-no—"

he didn't care much for your frantic tears or stammered pleas, already tugging your pants and underwear down around your trembling legs. "but you're worth a few moments of my time, all stupidity set aside. you really do look like that lovely barmaiden from my hometown." he paused to grab at the soft flesh of your exposed thighs, spreading you open as far as your position allowed it to, revealing the wetness of your involuntary excitement. "and look at that, already all nice and wet, just for me."

another pained sound escaped when he firmly grabbed your hair again, keeping the side of your face pressed into the bed, barely allowing you to hear him undo the zip of his pants and the ruffle of him pushing them down. he thrust into you without warning, drawing a hoarse whine from the burn of the sudden intrusion, eyes squeezed shut and lips parted to try and steady your strained, uneven breaths.

"relax, relax." he demanded, nearly growling as the heel of his palm pressing down on the back of your neck.

it wasn't as if this was your first time, but the people that you'd been with before we're always gentle with you, patient, asking infrequent but sincere "are you ok"s and "you're ok, right"s that quelled any unease about being in such a vulnerable position. but the hazy calm you'd had begun to associate with sex was completely absent in this moment, the empty space instead filled with the hiccuped sobs that refused to stay down in your chest, the throb of your bleeding scalp that was only worsened by his large hand grasping a fistful of your hair, beginning to clump with sticky red blood that was just starting to soak into the white sheets of the bed. you couldn't understand why that fear that was permeating through you, the peril that gripped your racing heart so relentlessly, the thought of not knowing whether you could assure your survival or not was only making you more and more excited for him.

he had taken up an unforgiving pace, driving small, broken moans from your lips, tense muscles gradually relaxing to accommodate all of him. it was wrong, you should've been fighting right now, keeping up your screams for help, anything to prove to yourself that you wanted to escape, but you found that it felt so terrifyingly good to give up under him.

"eren.." you barely managed to enunciate his name before your words devolved into more breathless whines, pins and needles pricking at your now numbing fingers that were losing circulation from your bindings.

"fucking pathetic," he spat, free hand moving to abuse your clit with rough, uncoordinated rubs, "you're just fucking begging for it, aren't you?"

he punctuated each abrasive word with a deeper thrust into you, dragging you over the edge before you even had the chance to realize how close you were to cumming. you cried out at the heat tearing through every inch of your sore flesh, nails digging into your palms as you slumped back against him, saliva dripping out of your open mouth and onto the bed.

the emptiness of him pulling out of you made you whimper, more strained sounds of protest escaping your throat as he flipped you onto your back, struggling to find a bearable position with the way your hands pressed uncomfortably into your spine. for the first time you were able to see the wild look in his eyes, his lips drawn back into more of a snarl that bared his teeth rather than a smile, even more of his long, dark hair having fallen from his hair tie. you could hardly take in the finer details of his image, the symptoms of the concussion you likely had already settling in around the edges of your vision, remaining sight starting to flicker out into darkness.

"wake up. hey." the sight of his hand rearing back and the sharp sting of its impact on your cheek were disconnected but registered all the same, forcing a pained groan out of you as you blinked up at him, trying desperately to dispel the black specks pulsing across your vision as you recovered from the jerk of your head being knocked to the side.

you could already feel the redness forming on the skin of your face, the rough hands that had just started tugging at your shirt impatiently tearing it halfway open, sending buttons flying off in every direction as he grinned down at you.

"you really threw a wrench into this whole plan of mine." he forced down a few chuckles, wiping some of your blood on his fingers off on your ruined shirt, "i should be making my way to the east exit right now, but all i can think right about it seeing that pretty fucking face you're gonna make when i make you cum again."

his fingers dug into the pliant flesh of your thighs, wrapping them around his waist as he pushed himself right back into you, clearly relishing in the way you whimpered out baseless pleas and curses. your legs squeezed around him instinctually, hips bucking up to meet his despite the small whisper in the back of your mind still begging for you to maintain a shred of dignity and push him away.

he kissed messily at the base of your neck, barely able to maintain the mimicry of intimacy for more than a few seconds before he was biting at the exposed skin, sometimes only just brushing his teeth over it but sometimes hard enough to print them into the bruising flesh. you could barely hold your eyes open enough to see the cracked ceiling above you, feeling the heat of his breaths over your shoulder and the audible clap of his skin meeting yours with every rough thrust. you chose to focus on the familiar pressure welling deep in your stomach, letting your eyes roll back into your head and your shaking legs squeeze tighter around him, only acknowledging his teeth breaking your skin with a whine in favor of just letting yourself hit that impossibly high peak once again.

he growled out a low string of curses into your neck, movements becoming less coordinated and even rougher as you came around him for his second time, not having enough lucidity to be ashamed of how easily release came. he continued even as your legs became heavy in his grasp, writhing and crying out dissipating into the occasional twitch, barely able to register the end of the entire exchange until you felt the liquid heat spilling into you. it only halfway made up for the lack of his cock in you as he pulled away, not bothering to try and bring you back to consciousness while he shoved himself back into his pants.

you roused on your own just a few moments later, gasping in quick little breaths and rolling yourself onto your side so you didn't crush your numb hands and wrists anymore than you already had, blinking away the blur of tears and the spottiness of passing out as you craned your neck to look up at him, wincing when you drew an injured area of skin taut. you just caught him tugging on your jacket, which had always fitted you loosely and was now fitting him snugly, his face flushed but having returned to his usual cool, impassive demeanor. but when he turned to look down at you, you could see a flicker of pride cross his features, the slightest smirk playing on his lips.

he said nothing as he walked right out of his cell, shutting the metal door and locking it behind him, the sound of his footfalls growing fainter down the hall and disappearing entirely as he ascended the steps. you would guess that it took around an hour for someone to come down and find you. by then, the slow stream of blood had slowed and clotted, and the belt around your wrists had loosened enough to allow adequate blood flow but still too tight for you to wriggle out of in your weakened state. you were sure that you looked pretty worse for wear; half naked, covered in injuries of varying severity, messy with a mix of blood, spit, tears, and cum.

but instead of thanking your lucky stars that you didn't have to spend the whole night trapped down there, you simply let your heavy eyes fall back shut as the soldier, a boy your age that you didn't know well but had gone out on a few mission with, promised to come back with a spare key and take you to the infirmary before running out in a panic. you didn't know whether you wanted eren jaeger to successfully make it out or be apprehended and sent right back here after they'd cleaned you up. would they interrogate him about how he escaped? would he tell them about you and the role you played in it?

after all was said and done, the only thing you were entirely sure about was that you'd probably never be allowed to go near him or participate in any assignments involving him ever again. and even after everything, a part of you just didn't want to believe that this was the end for the two of you.

#eren jaeger #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger x you #eren yeager #eren yeager x you #eren yeager x reader #aot x reader #aot x you #aot x reader smut #snk x reader #snk x you #snk x reader smut #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction #m.nsfw

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reignstormz · 3 years

Text

✓WORK IT OUT ✓

|IMAGINE; PART ONE|

INTRO; You run into a handsome man at the gym, well, maybe in a different way than you had hoped. You never intended to go any further with him despite how interested you really were, but one touch led to another, and things got really nasty.

WORD COUNT; 5,023? (idk tbh Tumblr is tripping)

WARNINGS; Sexual content ahead, read at your own risk. Also, covid doesn't exist in this imagine. Also, there's a part two to this! Keep your eyes open!

CAST; You (Y/N) / Roman Reigns / Jey Uso /Paul Heyman.

🦋Tampa, Florida 🦋

🦋 February 20th, 2021🦋

You walked into EOS fitness gym, with absolutely no energy or motivation in your body. The emotions you felt all week had tugged you down, including this morning; Tired, gloomy, unhappy, nonetheless, heartbroken. It's been two weeks, or maybe one--you definitely weren't counting, since you had found out on Valentine's Day that your ex had been sleeping around with other women. Two in fact, and caught him right in the act. In you're house, in you're bed, meanwhile, you've given this man everything. A five year relationship, gone down the drain. You started to wonder what you did wrong, or what you could've done better to make him not make the mistakes he made.

Were you not pretty enough? Were you not pleasing him enough? Were you boring? Why did he treat you the way he did? and how could he betray you like that? All of those questions ran through your mind. In all honesty, none of it was your fault. The problem was, from the very beginning, you didn't love yourself. You didn't appreciate your value, and when you don't appreciate your value, you leave a window of opportunity for another person to do the same, and that's exactly what happened. However, you were still lost. You tried to do anything, absolutely anything to get this mess off of your mind. The last resort was the gym, and maybe that was just the thing to help for the time being.

It was about six in the morning, and rarely anyone was there except for about a three or five people. You liked it better that way anyway, working out when the gym was packed irritated you to the fullest. Walking further into the building made goosebumps rise all over your skin due to the air conditioning blasting throughout the gym. You sighed dreadfully, slowly taking off your jacket as you hopped onto the treadmill.

"I knew I should've worn a long-sleeved shirt," You scolded yourself. As you hit the button, putting the speed only on number two, you slid your earbuds into your ear and played the playlist of your liking while you walked. You stared the treadmill's screen ahead of you, until you noticed someone else walk into the gym. It was a man. You looked down briefly before you did a double take, gosh, such a beautiful man. It was like you were hallucinating, even though you weren't.

"Damn.." You muttered under your breath as you stared at the handsome guy. He was tall, muscular, had olive-like toned skin, black long hair that fell to his shoulders, and a beard that covered his angelic face. You're eyes traced his every move as he made his way over to the weights, where all the jacked, crazy fit individuals typically stayed in the gym. Today though, it was just him. He was wearing a white, long-sleeved shirt which caused his muscles to show through, including some black sweatpants.

It was too early in the morning for this, you thought. He dropped his bag next to the bench, and wrapped his hair into a neat bun. You're mouth watered at the sight at him, but you quickly snapped out of it. You needed a distraction, but that was far from what you needed, especially from another dude. Stay focused, you reminded yourself continuously. You decided to put the treadmill on higher speed, figuring that if you were at a running pace, then you would've gotten your attention back. Long story short, your resolution didn't solve.

You're eyes worked against you, slowly looking forward once again to see him. He had a heavy set of weights on his shoulders, while squatting over and over again. Not only did his capability of strength make you drool, something else did as well underneath it. His ass, was unreal. If you could just reach out and touch it, you probably would've. Deep down, you were a little mad at yourself for not toughing it out, but you couldn't help it. He looked so sexy, and you could watch him all day.

Little did you know, the beautiful man before you, was completely aware that he had an audience. Well, you were his audience after all. As he worked out, there was a mirror in front of him and he caught your glance in his reflection. Even though you were a little too far away to notice him looking, the mirror gave him a better view to look at everything that surrounded him. He smirked to himself, admiring the woman behind him. The fact that you most likely had no idea that you had his attention, made him chuckle a bit as his legs began to burn from the squats, but he decided to keep going, hoping that your attention would stay fixated on him.

Roman was also a single man, a mafia boss to say the least. He kept his identity more on the low, and rarely let anyone in his circle. His trust issues were thin, but he had a big heart that he deeply wanted to share with someone else. The Samoan had been with other women in the past, but never found someone that completed him fully; The money, relevancy, extravagant lifestyle, and everything in between he had, often found himself in situations where he was used, they were never with him because they truly loved him. Now, he's focused on himself for awhile and his empire he's been working on for years, however, if the right woman were to walk into his life, he wouldn't hesitate to give it a chance.

Before you knew it, something awful happened. You were so lost into the mysterious man, that you had accidentally stepped in front of your left foot, tripping yourself and you lost all of your balance. A huge thud echoed across the gym, and you held your head in pain after you slid off of the treadmill. The few people that were in the gym slightly gasped, and after a few seconds, awkwardly went back to what they were doing. Assholes, but you were too out of it in order to notice. You bit your lip, trying your best to hold back tears at how bad the fall was to your head. You're eyes were closed shut, and you were about to attempt to get back up until a large hand rested on the small of your back, stopping you.

"Are you okay, Mama?" The deep, montone voice asked gently. It was smooth like butter, yet chilling. You had no idea who it was still due to how unconscious you were.

You slightly turned around on your back, and your arm naturally rested around the person's neck as he lifted your body up with his arm. You're eyelids slowly lifted back open, but your vision wasn't all the way there yet. Who was talking to you? You turned your head to the left, seeing who had come to help you. Since you were still a little dizzy, you were seeing double vision of the person in front of you. Once your head finally stopped spinning for a second, you were finally able to determine who was it front of you, and it was him. His pretty brown eyes, stared into yours with concern as you stared back into his, nervous out of your mind. It couldn't get anymore embarrassing than this.

You gulped, avoiding his gaze. A lie was told by the nod of your head, despite being hurt, "Yeah, I'm fine-"

"No, stay." He warned politely as you tried to stand up fully. His arm was secure around your waist, and then his eyes trailed up to your head. The look in his eye softened even more, "You're bleeding."

You furrow you're eyebrows, going to touch your head. You sigh, looking at the marks of blood on your fingers, "Shit..I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" The man chucked, and rubbed a small circle on your back before getting up to get a paper towel from the nearby wall. He squatted back down to your level and gently put it against your wound. You winced a little at the pain, but took deep breaths in between. As he continued to wipe some of the blood off your head, you on the other hand stared at him the entire time. From far away, he was out of this world fine, but up close was even better. Looking at him was like being hypnotized.

"What's your name?" You asked bluntly.

He alternated looks between your eyes and your head, and smiled small, "Roman, and yours?"

Damn, and you thought he couldn't look anymore good. His smile was..

"So sexy.." You blurted out, thinking at first that you said it in your head, but you didn't. Shit, you thought. You lowered your head, closing your eyes from embarrassment. Roman paused from wiping your head, and stared at you a little bit from what you said. His lips turned into a smirk, with his tongue lightly brushing over them.

"So are you," He shoots back. What did he just say? Your eyes widened a tiny bit and you lifted your head up to meet his glance. Roman gave you a subtle wink before getting up, and throwing the paper towel in the trash can. He walked back to you, giving out his hand for you to take.

"Come on," Roman nodded his head towards the gym with a comforting smile. "Let's get out of here."

Depending on how hard you hit your head, you were still a little out of it and wasn't sure what to make out of this situation. Were you really about to leave with a guy you barely even knew? Despite how fine he was, a part of you thought this was a terrible idea, and made zero sense if you went through with it. However, you didn't care. The stars that you were seeing currently, especially when you looked at him gave you butterflies in your stomach that were unexplainable, and you just couldn't say no. Who was he? You needed to know.

A slow, small grin appeared on your face as you hesitantly took his hand, letting him take you wherever he wanted to go.

⏩

After about an hour or two of slumber, your eyes flew open, slightly closing due to the lights piercing through the ceiling. You blinked a couple of times, and realized there was something cold on the top of your head. You furrowed your eyebrows, bringing your hand up and gently touching the ice pack that was laid there. Then, you slowly sat up, setting the ice pack next to you as you looked around at your surroundings. You had a brown, fuzzy blanket wrapped around your body and you were laid against a long, white couch.

Not to mention, the living room that you were in was extremely huge. You had a hard time remembering exactly how you got here. All you remembered was that you were at the gym, you saw a handsome man; What was his name, Roman? You thought. After that you face planted on the treadmill, and he went to help you, anything after that was a complete blur. Where were you right now?

You turned your head to the left, and saw the night life outside of the window. Thousands of lights, and the settle stars of the night sky had you in awe. As you continued to stare at the view, a voice interuppted, "You alright, Uce?"

You jumped back a little, putting a hand on your chest from feeling startled. You looked ahead to see a brown-skinned, attractive man with unqiue tattoos on both of his arms and a gold chain around his neck. He was very swagged out, from head to toe. You looked him up and down, and slightly tilted your head, "Excuse me?"

"How are you feeling?" He repeated, looking at you weirdly. Did she not understand the slang? But the again, it was Samoan slang, not everyone understood it off the bat, He thought. You sighed, slightly face-plamimg your forehead gently before apologizing once again, "I'm sorry, Who are you? and how did I get here?"

"Jey Uso," He introduced shortly. I stared at him blankly, still having no clue who he was. He sighed, pointing at a picture of three children on the wall, "Roman's cousin?"

You looked at the picture, seeing Jey, another kid who looked exactly like him and Roman who I believed was in the middle. You wanted to coo at how adorable the picture was, but you were still confused. Damn, they're cousins? So is everyone attractive in his family or is it just them? Besides, why is he here anyway, standing there like some guard? Was he watching you this entire time?

"You guys are cousins?" I ask in disbelief. He nodded quietly, looking a little confused as to why I was surprised, "What, he didn't tell you?"

"No, because I just met the guy?" I say dumbfoundedly, "And I have no idea how I even got here in the first place. I need to go back home." You plead, starting to get a little nervous.

"Relax, this is Roman's place. He only brought you here because you got hurt at the gym and he didn't think it was safe enough for you to be driving back home." He informs, "I'll actually go get him, now that you're awake."

Before you could open your mouth to speak, he left the room. You sighed, and then thought a little about what he said afterwards. You knew that this was nice of him to do, and it did mean a lot that he cared, but you were still on the fence about being at a random guy's house you didn't know too well. Roman's intentions were in the right place, but this was the last thing you needed to be involved in right now. You were focusing on yourself, and yourself only, and it just hurt too much to have someone else in the picture at the moment. It wasn't the time to catch feelings or be interested in someone new, especially him, he was too fine and you knew it would be too easy to give in.

As you played with your fingers, the two gentleman stepped into the room, making you look up. Roman looked back at you with a soft, yet relieved expression as Jey stood behind him. He was wearing a dark blue muscle shirt, that showed a long, tribal patterned tattoo that covered his entire right arm, along with Jordans on his feet to match with his shirt. It's like this man had so many secrets about him that you had no idea about, the tattoo was like the perfect touch and made him look even more sexy than he already was, it also was identical to his cousin's. He turned his head, whispered something to Jey. He nodded his head and walked away, leaving you and Roman alone.

"Hey, sleeping beauty." Roman called you, which made you chuckle a bit, making you a less nervous. You watched him make his way over to you, and he sat down, putting the pack of ice on the coffee table in front of you.

"How's your head?" He asked, gently putting his fingertips under your chin, trying to get a good look at it which sent shivers down your spine. You licked your lips subtly, watching him but you sighed, closing your eyes. Get over yourself, Y/N.

"It's fine, um.." You trailed off, grabbing his soft, large hand and took it off of your chin. You really didn't want to let his hand go either, but you had to listen to your pride.

"Listen, I think I should go." You suggest, standing up from the couch and he looked up at you, clearly not wanting you to leave.

Shit, was I coming on too strong? Roman thought. This might've been an unusual way to approach a woman, but the moment he met you at the gym, he just knew he had to get to know you more. There was something about you, that pulled him in and had his full interest. You were beautiful, out of this world gorgeous, your body and the way the heavens shaped you drove him crazy, and the way you looked at him made Roman feel something that he doesn't feel everyday. Usually he was a bit more straight forward on what he wanted, and he wouldn't have to tell anyone twice for him to have it. He had a whole different side to him, that you had no clue about, but that's because you were different to him. He wanted to be careful with you.

Before Roman could respond, You felt around your neck and realized that it was completely bare. You froze and your blood ran completely cold. You remember going to the gym wearing a gold necklace that had your name written in cursive, which was a valuable gift of yours that you received on your birthday years ago. You never took it off, and you thought you might've lost it when you got hurt. Fuck, you thought, starting to feel upset all over again.

Roman realized a change in your mood, and he raised his eyebrow shortly, "What's wrong?"

You shook your head, not wanting to stress about it, even though deep down you were, "Nothing."

Roman looked at where your hand was, which was motioning at your neck. He then remembered the gold necklace that you dropped when you both walked out of the gym. He made sure to get it for you before you guys left.

"Are you missing something, gold maybe?" He teased playfully, knowing that you didn't want to worry him. Your eyes widened and you snapped his head at him, how did he even know that?

"You have it?" You say in a hopeful tone, with a brief smile on your face. He smiled back, with a light-hearted chuckle which made your heart melt, "Yeah, I got it. I'll go get it."

Roman stood up, and then looked back at you, "Just promise me you won't leave once I give it to you." You sighed in relief, and nodded agreeing. He left the room, leaving the room to get your necklace. You admired how kind he was, especially how much of a gentleman he was. He didn't have to help you at all or care about your well being, but he did. Give it a chance, go for it, you tried convincing yourself. It seemed like he also was interested, but then your insecurities kicked in, there was no way a guy like him would be interested in someone like you. There were you again, second guessing yourself. You just wished you didn't get yourself involved in this situation to begin with.

Roman went to his office, and picked up your necklace from his desk. He read your name quietly to himself, "Y/N..."

Such a gorgeous name, he thought. As if she couldn't seem any more perfect that she was. He smirked to himself, staring at your necklace for a couple of seconds before returning to the living room. Roman motioned you to turn around, and you followed, letting him put the necklace around your neck. Once it was, you touched it, thanking God in your head that you didn't lose it. You then turned around, facing him. You were more closer to him than you thought you would be. Roman stared down at you, looking into your eyes as you stared into his brown ones. The things you would do to him, you bit your lip and was able to pry away from his stare, backing up a away from him a bit.

Damn it, Roman cursed to himself. He cleared his throat, backing away from you, hoping he wasn't making you feel uncomfortable, even though you weren't. On the other hand, you were just hoping you wouldn't make a fool out of yourself again.

"I was just kidding about what I said earlier," He said. You looked back up at him, wondering what he was talking about. He smiled small, "If you still want to leave, I'd be happy to take you home."

You couldn't help but hold back a smile, finding his gestures heart warming. I guess showing your appreciation wouldn't hurt, in your way. You raised your hand to his cheek, holding it gently and tilted your head, kissing his other cheek sweetly.

"Thank you, Roman." You said appreciatively. His eyes were glued onto you, not being able to tear them off of you. Roman's blood turned warm, and his heart that was already racing began to go even faster. It's like there was a glow around you, that nobody else could see except for him. You were a diamond in the rough, angel in disguise, a woman that should be treated like a queen. He didn't know if you were seeing anyone else, but quite frankly he didn't care. You were going to belong to him soon.

"Are you good?" You asked, trying to get his attention. Roman nodded, trying to disregard his thoughts before he said them out loud, which he did most of the time.

"Yeah," He says. Roman picked up his keys off of the coffee table, and looked down back at you, not being able to look away from your beauty, "After you." He insisted, wanting you to go first. You nervously smiled, thanking him again silently before you walked in front of him. He took the opportunity take a look at your rear end, he bit his lip and sighed. All that, will be mine he said to himself in his head before he went and followed you.

➰

Tags; @gold--gucciempress @wwzentertainment @serenityfiretrash @flawlessglamazon @nicolewoo @romanreignshairdresser @sassymox @pennysky @msnikkimoneypenny @jazzy-tzw @lemonjvicey @thandiwethagirl @haharollins @reignsprint @rollinshield3 @sheerbeautyreigns @zaddyreigns @brookethegamer @glowinnbabyy

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mintskz · 3 years

Text

reason for reminiscing , lee minho

summary somewhere along the way, you fell again

genre imagine ; fluff wc 794 warnings descriptions of heart break, not edited

note this idea sprung up in the middle of the night all of a sudden and i had to write it. also chan may be my number one but minho creeping up in there < header pictures are from pinterest, google >

song rec missing you by the vamps

"i think i love you."

you can't remember when it happened.

it felt like so long ago when he first left you, when you both decided that breaking up was the best option.

after all, he was a rapidly growing idol, and you were just another person living their non-famous life. he had his life of success and popularity, and you had your own little bubble.

was it difference that separated you? or was it fading feelings? you couldn't remember.

all you could recall was the pain that you went through after even though it was a mutual decision. he had been such an important person in your life for the better part of a year and a half. he had been your rock, and then he wasn't.

it took you over a month to get back on track with your life and find out how to live single again. it was a process, but you didn't regret any part of it. you'd be lying if you said you didn't learn anything valuable along the way.

you were happy by yourself.

"can i get two medium iced americanos and one iced vanilla latte?"

some two weeks ago, you had taken up an extra shift at your job — a quaint little café you had applied at after your break up. your co-worker had called in sick, and you begrudgingly showed up to take their place in the night shift.

"that'll be — "

but you'd recognize that voice anywhere. you glanced over the register, meeting minho's gaze evenly despite the way your breath caught in your throat.

he wore a cap and a mask that attempted to hide his appearance, and you almost wanted to laugh at how obvious it was him. but you didn't. instead, you printed his order, signed your name on the receipt, and stuck it in a drawer for your manager to find at closing.

"it's on the house," you said, not bothering to wait for a response before starting on the drinks.

you could feel his eyes boring into you as you worked the espresso machine and frothed milk. but you didn't mind him any attention.

instead, you finished up his order before handing him the tray of drinks. "enjoy," you said, already ready to take the next person.

"y/n, i — "

"there's a line behind you, and i'm working right now," you interjected. you weren't sure how you were supposed to feel about all this, but you knew at the very least that you did not want to deal with this now.

minho bit down on his lip, catching himself and nodding. "when do you get off?"

you glanced at the clock, quickly contemplating the time it would take you to clean up. "two hours?"

"okay, i'll see you then."

you weren't sure if he left and came back or waited for the entirety of two hours, but judging by the lack of the other coffees he had ordered, you assumed he had come all the way back to the café. in other words, you thought, he had the chance to not follow through with his words — to escape the awkwardness of this encounter, but he didn't.

"i've missed you," minho said, words tumbling past his lips and you could tell he didn't mean to cut straight to the point.

"we broke up for a reason," you countered, despite the way catching his eyes tugged at your heart strings. "it's been months."

"i regret it, regret leaving, regret breaking up and being without you. it's not the same," he said. "i miss you, and i want to try us again. i wanted to tell you almost as soon as we broke it off, but you cut off contact with me. understandably, of course, i'm not blaming you, but i haven't forgot you."

minho cleared his throat, fingers fidgeting nervously while his eyes leveled with yours. he took a hesitant step towards you, noting the way you didn't look uncomfortable or make move to leave him. the last thing he would've wanted was to make you feel weird with the situation.

"give me another chance," he asked. "i promise you i won't fuck up."

your heart sped up at the proximity and the way the ends of his eyes crinkled with hope. you couldn't deny that he was your greatest love, the one that you'd probably never fully let go of.

"what about your fans?" you asked.

"if they're real fans, they'll understand," he answered, bringing a hand up to your cheek, caressing your face softly. "i think you're it for me. i let you go once. i'm not making the same mistake again."

you smiled. "i missed you too."

and somewhere along the way, you fell again.

#minho x reader #minho x you #minho x y/n #minho imagines #minho headcanon #stray kids x reader #stray kids x you #stray kids x y/n #stray kids imagines #stray kids headcanons #skz x reader #skz x you #skz x y/n #skz imagines #skz headcanons

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snowydaffodils · 3 years

Text

Exhilarating

1741 words | 3rd Person POV

Another short fluff - this time with Seventeen's Josh!

Synopsis: Everything was dull and boring, but when she entered the room, she was like a breath of fresh air.

---

Despite the well designed interior and the fancy vases that decorated the room, it didn't push away the feeling of unfamiliarity and solitude that Joshua had felt since he arrived - or at the very least became aware of his surroundings. He didn't feel the isolation as much when he first came, because his vision (and memory) was blurry. He remembered people talking around him, and he remembered being taken from one place to another, but he didn't remember what they were saying exactly, or where they brought him to. When he came to, they told him he collapsed on pre-recording, and they had to immediately bring him to the hospital.

Joshua sighed. While the room was probably one of the most luxurious ones he'd been in, there was an odd unsettling feeling that disturbed him as he lay there, alone. It didn't help that he was wearing hospital clothes instead of his own and also that he was stuck to an IV drip. Just in between the door and floor, he saw shadows that stood tensely beyond his room, and he could guess them as the assigned security for him - just in case one of those sasaengs reached him somehow.

With the window shutters being closed down, it further elongated his feeling of being boxed in, as Vernon would've phrased it. His members were off to another schedule that he later would have to make up for, so nobody would be on the group chat. He would've called his mom to push away the loneliness, but it would have been barely dawn in Los Angeles.

The ceiling, once a comfortable target to place his sights on, slowly grew dull and boring, so he moved to lay sideways instead, facing the door. It was then when he heard noises and steps coming towards his direction, and the shadows under the door moved around for the first time.

His eyes perked up to see who was coming, hoping it would be his manager, or one of the members who finished their schedules early and came to see him. Instead of them, a white coat caught his eyes, the person in it fiddling with the notes she was holding as she entered the room.

"Mr. Hong, right?" she smiled, pulling up her glasses as she approached him. "Hong Jisoo."

The way she called him was cheerful and perky, and it brought a different light to enter the room. It suddenly didn't seem so sullen, and for that, Joshua was happy she entered, whoever she may be.

"Yes?" he managed, as he pulled himself up to sit straight and look at her properly.

"Good morning," she cheered, and he noticed that she was looking directly into his eyes. While he was used to direct eye-contact in America, Koreans tend to deem that action impolite, so he didn't really expected it. Even so, he had always thought of eye contact as an important element in communicating - it shows just how much attention you were getting from the other person. Her eyes seemed bright as he returned the contact, and the mere fact that they were looking into each other's eyes played a huge part in lightening up the room.

"Morning," Joshua replied, trying to smile back as politely as he could, despite the heaviness of his head while keeping his body upright.

"Oh, you shouldn't move too much!" she said upon seeing him. "You were running a high fever, on top of that you were dehydrated and overworked, too. Your temperature went down slightly, but you're still in a feverish range," she said quickly, adjusting the small tube that was connected to his arm.

"I feel better, though," Joshua reasoned, giving the girl a small smile to support his subjective argument. She puffed and blew the little bangs annoying her eyes away and placed her hands on her hips.

"Better doesn't equal good enough," she said, the look in her eyes clearly opposing his attempts to be let go. "Besides, take this opportunity to actually rest, okay? Its a big fancy room with fancy lighting, a TV and good speakers, and we'll get you food in a moment. You can't argue that this is not heaven," she rambled, pointing at his surroundings.

Joshua laughed, he had never met a doctor like this one. "You have a point," he said. "But, do you think you can move me to another room? Preferably with people?"

She blinked. "You want to switch rooms?"

Joshua looked around, there was a nurse standing right behind this doctor girl, and his security guard had stepped inside since the girl entered. They all looked at him weird and obviously against the idea, so he just nodded timidly and sighed.

"Its just that," the girl waited for his response patiently, her hands back on her the edge of his bed and the other on her notes. Joshua continued, unsure of himself as well. "It gets too quiet, and uh, silence gets pretty uncomfortable for me."

She gave him one look and spared a few seconds for her thoughts before she returned him with a reply. "Well, your manager told me its best you're not even seen by anyone at all, for your safety."

Of course he did. Joshua didn't doubt that, and he understood those orders completely, so he just nodded, accepting defeat. Worth a try though.

But she wasn't quite finished. She pulled her phone out of her coat pocket, checked her screen for a while before coming back to him. "I can stay with you and chat if it helps," she grinned. "People call me a chatterbox, so why not put it to good use, right?"

"Are you not busy?" Joshua asked, pretty set aback by her suggestion, but was not against it.

She shook her head, swaying her bangs left and right before giving him a reassuring smile. "Not if nobody's calling for me. You're actually free to go after this drip," she points at the hanging liquid with the notes on her hand, "All you have to do is wait for your manager to pick you up. After all, your fever did go down, and we'll give you acetaminophens to take. What you really need is food and rest."

While the rest of the people in the room looked at her weirdly at her offer to be a chatterbox, she paid no mind to it and grabbed herself a chair to sit on by Joshua's bed. Joshua, on the other hand, just nodded numbly, unsure of what kind of reaction he should give, or what words to say. He had no reason to refuse, though, so he said nothing.

"You guys can go," she dismissed the nurses who followed immediately, and the security guard simply eyed her for a few seconds before returning to his post. She was the assigned doctor, after all, he couldn't (and shouldn't) restrict her from her patient.

Once they all left, Joshua blurted the question that had been sitting on the tip of his tongue. "So, do you stay to chat with all the patients you meet?"

She settled in her seat and gave him an ambiguous smile - one Joshua understood to not be completely genuine, but wasn't fake either. "Just the ones that seem particularly lonely."

"And," Joshua paused, picking his words carefully. "You don't have other lonely patients?"

She chuckled. Pressing her fist on her cheeks, she rephrased his question for him, "You mean why aren't I busy treating other patients?" The question stunned him for a while. He didn't expect her to be that direct, especially to her patient; but to be honest, he didn't mind it one bit.

Usually, when this kind of situation happened - where a conversation turned too straightforward for him to handle, Joshua would've chuckled awkwardly and politely, and just nodded or something to move on from the discomfort. But this time, he didn't know if it was because his head was still revolving, or if it was because he'd spent too much time with Jeonghan, but he didn't take the polite route and just directly returned her question with another one. He simply nodded. "Yeah, sure, if you care to tell?"

The response wasn't one she was used to receiving, so she was a bit flustered at the blunt exchange for a few seconds. "Huh," she huffed, but smiled. "I guess I'm assigned to do the extra stuff. Nobody wants to talk to patients and their guardians if its nothing medical related. Doctors are awkward that way. They prefer to research, write papers, and explore surgeries. And so they pushed me here," she gestured to the room around her. "To the VIP wards."

Before Joshua could take offense into her words, she disclaimed, "Not that you're 'extra stuff', but you must understand that some VIP patients can be," she gave him an awry grin, one that was indicating something negative, as she searched for the right word. She didn't seem to find one, but eventually settled with the description: "Exhilarating," which she worded with a shoulder shrug, indicating that it wasn't the correct word at all.

Joshua just laughed at her antics, wondering if the medical dramas about VIP patients actually happen in real life that she would describe them that way. "Would you say I'm - well - exhilarating, then?"

At this point, her smile was no longer ambiguous. Looking like she was in deep thought, she answered, "You're a different kind of exhilarating." Her dimples further accentuated the honesty in her smile. "I mean, obviously, you're well aware that you have got the looks," she reasoned, not at all embarrassed to compliment him, which was different for a change - but a good different.

"That I do," Joshua grinned. He was an idol, after all, he should be confident in his visuals.

"And you're young - not many VIPs are as young," she continued, still thinking of more answers. "And most people would've reprimanded me for speaking so casually and bluntly to a patient about her work. They'd say I was rude."

Joshua snickered. "Should I, then? Reprimand you, I mean?"

Her eyes rounded at his statement, and then she suddenly clasped her hands together and bowed her head. "I would reaaally, reaaaally appreciate it if you don't."

He laughed. This girl is really something.

"What was your name, again? Can I call you by name?" Joshua asked, visibly more comfortable.

And she returned him with another ambiguous smile.

---

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paradox-psyc-hoe-sis · 4 years

Text

Loki x plus size!reader

Loki x reader, Thor x reader (platonic), Natasha x reader (platonic).

Word count: 2.13k

Warnings: none, really? Angst I guess, mention of weight gain, stretch Mark's, cellulite, insecurity, etc.

A/n: Heyo! The reader in the story is shorter than Loki, and has stretch marks, cellulite, and is plus size. If any of these topics trigger or upset you, then please don't read! Also, I kinda made Loki an ass in this, but i really didn't mean to make him that much of a jerk whoops. Anyway, enjoy it! I'm currently writing part 2 of sticky situation, but I'm finding it a bit tricky, I'm sorry for the delay! Hopefully it should be up soon. - Aphrodite :)

(Gifs not mine! Credit to owner :3)

• Asgard was different to earth.

• Growing up, asgardians are taught to love and appreciate their, and other's, bodies. No matter what colour, shape or size, there was never any discrimination or bullying because of a person's body.

• You and Natasha were close friends, so you spent a lot of time around the avengers, often in the avengers tower.

• When you first met Thor, you knew you'd be best friends. You both grew close very quickly, and treated each other like brother and sister.

• After about a year, Thor wanted you to go and see Asgard. You were hesitant, knowing that all asgardians were as skinny and beautiful as models, but Thor really wanted you to come and meet his family. Of course, you said yes.

• When you first got there, you met all of Thor's friends and were shown around. It was only on your second day in the palace when you ran into Loki. Thor told you he had a brother, but you had no idea what he looked like or what his name was; when you bumped into him, you were surprisingly quite cool and collected. You forgot about all of your insecurities and worries as you'd been treated extremely well by other asgardians.

• However, that was not the case with Loki; he had never seen somebody as beautiful and Goddess-like as you. He didn't know what to say, and when he doesn't know what to say he results to sarcasm. He didn't mean to seem cold and cruel, but he couldn't help it.

• "I, um, I don't believe we've met. My name is y/n, I'm here with Thor."

• You stuck your hand out to him, which he did shake, but he seemed bored and uninterested. He looked you up and down, and you suddenly became anxious.

• "A midgardian, I see. Well, I'm the brother of your meat head of a friend. The name's Loki."

• You told him you were pleased to meet him, then left to go and get breakfast with Thor. You found him decently attractive; his dark hair, piercing blue eyes, tall stature. You would've been head over heels if he wasn't as disinterested and arrogant as he was when you met him.

• When you left, he mentally scolded himself for not being more polite. He truly was speechless when he saw you. You were short, your body defined with soft curves yet your stomach protruding outwards a bit more than others. Your arms and legs weren't twigs like the other asgardian women, but were larger and patched with cellulite. He found you beautiful, like a Queen in her true form, yet you found your body disgusting, like a pig mixed with a human.

• Throughout the next couple of days, Loki watched you. While you were talking with Thor, reading in the library, at one of the museums; wherever you were, you always looked so calm and tranquil. However, your mind said otherwise. Yes, Loki could read minds, but invading your thoughts made him feel guilty. Instead, he could sense your emotions, and found that your calm shell hid the raging fire in your mind. He was desperate to know more.

• Whenever Loki was in the room, however, you liked to do the same to him. You'd study his features, watch as he sipped from his golden goblet and intricately turn the pages of his book. You rarely heard him speak, and when he did, it was never to you, but his voice was cold and sharp. His responses were always witty and well thought out, and you were dying to know what was going on inside his mind.

• One night, after dinner, Loki thought it would be a good idea to 'accidentally' lock you out of your room. When you were about to enter your room, you realised it was locked, so you went to find help. Loki was the first person who you found.

• "Excuse me, Loki? I'm kinda locked out of my room, you wouldn't know how to help, would you?"

• You had just come from the great banquet, which he had missed. You wore a long, dark green velvet dress with gold accents, which had a long slit running from your right foot up to your thigh. It proudly showed off your legs, arms, and chest, even revealing a little bit of cleavage. You were scared to wear it, but Thor convinced you that you looked amazing in it.

• Loki helped you back to the room, unlocking it for you. He wore his usual green and gold outfit; perhaps there was a running theme in Asgardian clothes.

• You invited him into your room for a drink before bed, which he happily obliged to, and you thought that this cod be your chance to get to know him better. Luckily, he was thinking the same thing about you.

• "So, y/n. What part of midgard are you from?"

• "Umm, I'm from New York. What's life like on Asgard?" You didn't really want to talk much about yourself, you weren't used to having a lot of attention on you.

• Instead of answering you, Loki stared directly into your eyes for a few moments. A cold sensation grew in your mind, and suddenly you felt yourself remembering your worst memories. The image of your friends calling you fat in school flashed before your eyes. The face of your high school boyfriend after he told you that your stomach was disgusting. The memory of crying while stood in front of a floor length mirror, studying the new stretch marks on your thighs. And countless images of a set of weighing scales, the number increasing slightly each time

• Your vision was blurred as these images repeated over and over in your head, and you began crying. You didn't know what was happening, or where you were, but all you felt was pure sadness washing over your body. Suddenly, the visions stopped, and you were sat back on your bed, with Loki next to you. He looked scared, puzzled, and concerned all at the same time. Thor had warned you that Loki had magical abilities, and mind reading seemed like a fitting power to match his personality. You stood up from your bed and wiped tears from your cheeks. You couldn't stop crying, but your tears turned from ones of sadness to ones of anger.

• "What did you do to me!?"

• You tried to shout, but it got caught in a sob. Instead, your voice cracked, and you sounded similar to a screaming cat.

• Loki didn't reply to you, but he merely looked down, not wanting to meet your gaze. His face had guilt written all over it, and you knew that he saw all of your visions too.

• Without a word, you marched to the door and left. As soon as it closed behind you, you ran down the halls of the palace. You didn't care who saw you, but you needed to get to Thor.

• Once you arrived at his quarters, you didn't even bother knocking on the door before walking in. Thor was sat up in bed, reading a book that you could only guess was written in Asgardian. You were a mess; mascara running down you cheeks, red lipstick smudged at the corner of your lips, eyes and cheeks pink and puffy from crying. You explained everything to him, and he understood what you felt. Although he couldn't really comprehend why you hated your body so much, he understood that you needed to get back home.

• After you cleaned yourself up in his bathroom, you both left back for Earth. You were still wearing your green gown when you arrived back in the avengers tower at 2 in the morning. Thor went to his room after making sure you were okay, and you were left alone in the common area. Sitting down on the grey sofa, you let out a loud sob and began crying again. You made sure you weren't being too loud, as you didn't want to wake up the entire tower, but soon enough Natasha found her way to the living room. You had your head in your hands, so only knew of Nat's presence when she put a warm hand on your bare shoulder.

• As soon as you felt her touch you, you stiffened up and stopped crying. Before looking up at her, you sniffed and wiped at your eyes, trying your best to convince her that you weren't crying. You stood up, and looked up at her. Even with Asgardian golden heels, you were still shorter than everyone.

• "Hey, it's alright." She gave you a sympathetic smile before pulling you in for a hug, and as soon as you both had your arms around each other, you couldn't help but start crying again. She stroked your hair as you cried on her shoulder, and your mind went fuzzy with the typical haze of crying. She guided you to her room and managed to calm you down, and helped you get changed into a pair of her pyjamas. Once you laid down on her bed, you were asleep. Nat didn't sleep much anyway, so she was fine staying up and watching over you.

• When you woke up the next morning, you felt like crap.

• Natasha always buys pyjamas 2 sizes up, to get the cozy oversized feeling. Her pyjamas were the perfect size for you, but you became conscious of how they perfectly fitted your legs and stomach, and how much of your body was on display. Your clock read 7:38 am, so you decided to get up and go to the living area.

• When you got there, Nat was cooking in the kitchen, and Thor was sat and the island. You could already hear them talking quietly as you walked into the room, but they stopped once they saw you. The warm scent of pancakes and syrup lingered in your nose as you walked up to them both. You walked to Thor, who gave you a hug, and then you sat down. Nat squeezed your hand once you were fully sat, and placed a plate in front of you. On the plate was a stack of pancakes that rose to the level of your chin, drizzled in maple syrup.

• "I'm going back to Asgard later to talk to Loki. You never have to go back there, and he's never going to lay a hand on you again."

• You gave Thor a tiny nod and rubbed your forehead. It was more than rude for Loki to enter your mind without permission, but you couldn't get him off your mind. At least he felt bad after doing it, and he must have had a good reason to do so. If only you could turn back time to ask him why.

• Once you ate breakfast, you got dressed. You always kept some clothes there, as you spent more time in the tower than your apartment. You wanted something baggy that didn't show off any of your curves, so you opted for an oversized jumper and a pair of mom jeans. A few of the avengers were off on a mission, which left only Nat, Thor, Bruce and Peter. Peter was at his apartment, and Bruce was still in bed, so it gave you some peace and quiet.

• Thor left for Asgard half an hour later, and Nat had gone downstairs to train, leaving you alone. About an hour went by before you heard a strange noise come from the kitchen.

• You got up from your seat in front of the sofa and turned around before you saw Loki, stood in front of you. He wore an all black suit, which made him look twice as good as he did in Asgard. You wondered how he could be here, when Thor had gone to give him a piece of his mind, but you weren't in the mood to talk to him. Instead, you turned around and plopped yourself back on the sofa, and continued to scroll through Netflix.

• "Listen, y/n". He came and sat next to you on the sofa. "I know what I did was wrong. But when I first saw you, I was speechless. You are so beautiful and look like the Gods sculpted you out of clay and I...I just didn't know how to react."

• You shifted in your seat and turned to look at him. You noticed the sincerity in his eyes, and cocked an eyebrow as if to make him continue.

• "And, when I sensed your emotions all I felt was hate. Last night, I let my emotions get the best of me, and I just had to see what fueled all of that negativity. I...I'm sorry."

• You were both confused and happy at the same time. Sure, you were more than pleased that he had apologised, but he thought you were beautiful? How? You couldn't understand what part of you he liked.

• "If you don't completely hate me, I'd be honoured to maybe get you lunch?"

• You smiled, telling him you'd be happy to. God, how were you going to explain this to Thor?

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minervacasterly · 4 years

Text

The caricature of Margaret Beaufort:

From pop culture POV and the POV of those influenced by it, this powerful matriarch is all of the following: Religious nut case! Bitch. She killed the princes in the tower! Old and ugly! Screw her! She and her son were the worst thing that happened to England!

And yet her son became the founder of a dynasty that reigned for more than a century and continues to fascinate us. Now on to the real Meg Beaufort. In the White Queen she is all this and that but the real Meg was no religious nut case and she certainly didn't plan the murder of the Princes and you can debate me countless times on this but there is no concrete evidence that she did! Richard had more than enough motive and opportunity to kill the Princes and oh wait before I get the Ricardians on my case, I don't hate Richard. I actually find him interesting, I wouldn't find him interesting if he was perfect. Richard had learned from his brother's mistakes but made mistakes of his own. If he produced the boys then that would've propelled them to sainthood and the last thing he wanted was a cult was already building around Henry VI. What happened with this last monarch is fascinating and you might be wondering -hey! Isn't that the guy they smothered with a pillow in the White Queen? Yeah, that's the one. Except there are so many theories abounding to his death. The first one comes from Bettini who wrote three weeks after the Lancastrian king's death that it was Edward NOT Richard who gave the order. At the time the blame was solely pinned on Edward, so let's not confuse contemporary sources with secondary. Rous and Vergil writing in the Tudor period pinned the murder on Richard and even early Ricardians say that he did it, but with one major difference -*under* Edward's orders. If this is so, one thing we can all agree, if Richard gave the order or personally took care of Henry, it was all done under his brother's command. But this backfired, soon people were attributing all sorts of miracles to this guy, he became more famous in death than he had ever been in life. Edward tried hard to suppress this cult but he couldn't and Richard did the next best thing. If you can't beat them, join 'em! He cashed in on the cult and officiated a reburial of the dead monarch and started all new kinds of celebrations for him but people still talked as they always do. Now if he had produced the dead children as he and his brother had done with the Lancastrian king, then it would've been chaos, complete and utter chaos!

Margaret Beaufort's sole aim up until the princes disappearance in the summer of 1483 was to gain back her son's lands and bring him back safely. She was forced to give him up before after the Lancaster line had been wiped out from the face of the earth by Yorkist forces, ending to some historians' view, the wars of the roses in 1471. Margaret would not see him until the aftermath of Bosworth in 1485. She had little to worry about the first years of his exile, he was with his uncle Jasper, his father's brother. They intended to sail to the French court, a court his uncle knew very well but landed in Brittany instead because of the bad weather. Brittany was not on good terms with the French and they had their fair share of enmity with the English so it served the Duke well to have two valuable English hostages, one who had a considerable (if debatable) claim to the English throne via his mother. Edward attempted to coax the old Duke into give up his charge and while the Duke never believed Edward's intentions, some of his ministers did and those who didn't just wanted to cash in on the juicy rewards. Henry was an intelligent youth who was far from the serious and mama's boy he's depicted in today's fiction. He loved to laugh, play, joke and gamble. But he was aware how valuable he was and at one point feigned sickness and took sanctuary in a church when he suspected his future voyage to England was a hoax -which it was -and that small trickery on his part saved him.

By 1480, Margaret had more than enough to worry, but she wasn't giving up on her son's legacy. With Edward's promise to marry him to his eldest daughter, Margaret continued to rely on the faith that gave comfort to so many women in this period, and Edward's promise, albeit a fake one, was something she never let go of. The accession of Richard and Anne changed all that. Always an opportunist at heart, she tried to curry favor with the new regime. Whether she agreed with it or not -we will never know but her husband was an official in Richard's government and she had more than enough reason to believe that Richard would grant her her request to bring her son back. After all he was more busy convincing everyone his brother had never been legally married to Elizabeth and securing his position. But surprise, surprise for Margaret and everyone involved. Her life was never easy, it was one obstacle after another and this was no different. The boys' disappearance changed everything and Buckingham's rebellion gave her a chance she had never considered before. Her moment to shine had come. She was no longer looking to bring her son back as a mere earl but as a king so she started plotting with the queen dowager through her Welsh doctor. After a lot of plotting and intrigue and tragedy at Richard's court, her son's shining moment came and thanks to the defection of his stepfather from Richard's camp to his side, he won. There is a famous myth that his stepfather, Thomas Stanley found the crown in a thorn bush but this is likely Tudor propaganda. Richard's treatment afterwards was one that's always given by the victor to the loser, stripped of all his clothes and shamefully paraded, he was then written as the worst monarch that ever lived.

And while I do agree there needs to be a better assessment of Richard, doing the same to Margaret and Richard is just as dumb. She was born in 1443 and a year after, John Beaufort, her father and Duke of Somerset died. Many said at the time that it was because of suicide because of his terrible leadership in France. Truth or not, Margaret was now a wealthy heiress and her wardship was widely sought after. William de la Pole, the crown's favorite tried to marry her to his son, but after he was murdered, at only nine years old Margaret was brought to court to swear that she never intended to marry his son. Later she rewrote history saying that it was because of a godly vision that told her that it was her destiny to marry Edmund Tudor and establish a great house, that she denied it. Margaret married at only 12 and Edmund Tudor, anxious to get his hands on her wealth, didn't bother to wait. He impregnated her less than a year after and she gave birth in January 1457 when she was months away from being 14, to her only offspring. The birth damaged her, she never had any children with her other spouses. She had a happy marriage with her next spouse, Henry Stafford and they celebrated their anniversary in big style every year and even housed Edward IV in their hunting lodged in one occasion. This doesn't sound like the power hungry, vindictive Margaret of TV. And that's because she wasn't! She was very learned and founded and refounded many colleges, chief among them: Christ's College which had previously been God's House and St. John's in Cambridge. Aware that only the privileged few could attend these institutions she voiced her concerns in 1479, and her attempts bore fruit when Wimborne College was established posthumously in 1509, which was later renamed Queen Elizabeth's school. She also established the Lady Margaret Beaufort Professorship of Divinity at Cambridge in 1502 and the first women's college in Oxford was named after her.

In spite of her joy of seeing her son crowned, she could not help herself. Fisher and many contemporaries described how she cried -a clear sign of a woman that doesn't care about power- and when asked why, she responded because she had lived through so many kings and princes who had been murdered and killed in battle. Who knew if her son was next or if his reign would last. She cried the same tears of grief on her grandson's joint coronation with Katherine, fearing that his reign would face the same troubles.

Margaret passed away days after in 1509, after a long life of hardship and triumph.

#history #tudors #dailytudors #margaret beaufort

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