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byoldervine · 4 months

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Unoriginal Writing VS Field Trips

A lot of writers worry that their ideas have been done before or rely too much on existing scenarios. And you absolutely do need to be original if you want to write your own book that you intend to publish professionally. But a lot of writers can also take this the other way and start worrying that every single idea they have, no matter how fleshed out and unique it actually is, is just a version of a very broad and generic trope, and so it’s automatically bad and nobody will ever want to read it since it’s all been done before

Let me tell you about what has been dubbed the Peter Parker Field Trip in the fanfic scene

The Peter Parker Field Trip is an incredibly specific type of one-shot fanfiction about Peter Parker visiting Avengers Tower with his class on a school field trip while having to try and hide his status as the Avenger Spider-Man, usually along with hiding the fact that he’s basically been adopted by the Avengers and they all treat each other as family, if not legally having been adopted by Tony. And this is only the summary, it gets way more specific from here to the point where you can follow each story beat by beat and the vast majority of these fics will follow them:

1. Peter discovers that the adults arranged for him to go on the trip despite trying to get out it/telling them not to sign the permission forms. Peter tries to talk his way out of it on the way but fails. Sometimes the teacher will discourage him from lying about having a Stark Internship while they’re there

2. While they’re on the bus Flash teases Peter about how now everyone’s gonna know he doesn’t actually have a Stark Internship, meanwhile Peter’s freaking out about everyone realising he’s more than just an intern

3. The kids arrive at Avengers Tower and pile out of the bus to be greeted by some of not all of the Avengers, usually with Steve and/or Tony leading the introductions. Peter tries to keep his head down but the Avengers either spot him or were actively looking out for him, but at this point they usually don’t acknowledge him too much

4. An actual intern hands out access passes to the kids, everyone has level one clearance except for Peter who has Level Ten Alpha Clearance™️, which is even higher than most of the other Avengers and is reserved for Tony and those closest to him. Peter asks if he can just get a regular pass like the others but the intern says they don’t have any extras, usually while being starstruck at meeting Peter

5. The kids go through a security scanner, through which Jarvis announces their security clearance. Peter has his Level Ten Alpha Clearance™️ broadcast to the entire class, leaving everyone shocked. Flash thinks Peter, resident Poor Kid McOrphanface, bribed Tony Stark, known billionaire, for higher clearance

6. The tour goes ahead. They meet Bruce either in his lab or the medical bay. Bruce has a pleasant chat with Peter, who quickly helps him with something while he’s there. People are shocked that Peter works with Bruce on science stuff

7. The tour goes ahead. They meet Natasha in the training room. She offers to give a demonstration and has Peter come up to fight her. The class are shocked when he doesn’t get instantly thrown on his ass, even though overall it usually ends with him on his ass

8. The tour goes ahead. They meet Thor either on the landing pad as he arrives back home or he’s in the kitchen making an absolute mountain of pop tarts. He’s the one that comes closest to leaking Peter’s Spider-Man identity because he has no social awareness and just wants to wrap the Man of Spiders in a bear hug

9. The class break for lunch. There’s an ungodly amount of coffee machines in the cafeteria. Everyone is talking about Peter. Flash is talking shit. Clint then proceeds to drop out of the vents to ask Peter about either Mario Kart or babysitting his kids, potentially both. Clint then realises the tour was today, apologises and goes back into the vents. Peter can’t even muster up the energy to be embarrassed

10. As the tour continues, Flash is getting more vocal about his dislike for all this. There’s a 50/50 chance he’s going to get physically violent with Peter. If he doesn’t, he’ll ask Tony Stark why he’s let Peter lie about all this stuff only to be told harshly that Peter is Tony’s kid or something similar. The bullying will be discovered and Flash will be kicked out. If he does get violent with Peter, one of the Avengers will stop him, Tony will defend Peter while revealing that Peter is his kid or something similar in the process, then will kick Flash out

I just described to you an ungodly number of fics beat by beat. And people don’t just read one of them and call it a day; we consume each and every one of them despite knowing the exact plot and having read it a gazillion times

And I think that these fics are the most obvious example of the fact that people don’t care about the repeated use of tropes or clichés or plotlines; if they like it, they’ll like it. They’ll be willing to read those tropes a million times over, even if they know what’ll happen at every turn. And that proves that it’s not the use of tropes that matters, it’s the way you use the tropes. Even if it’s just a new way of wording it, people will enjoy it. It doesn’t have to be completely new or original, it just has to be out there

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flintawakened · 22 days

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Day in the Life of Me... A Therian who has Given up on Caring. (But isn't a freak about it :])

Before school: I put on my tail on my back belt loop because fuck school bullies.

Period... TEST: We had state testing, womp womp. Had to write an essay about building a town monument. Nothing exciting.

Period 1 ELA: We literally had a test break the entire period. I ate salsa chips and kinda just scrolled on Pinterest.

Period 4 Science: Our school day was out of order because of testing lol. We got our rats which we have to dissect tomorrow. I was the only one super happy (I'm a taxidermy enthusiast) and named my rat Timothy. One kid barked at me, I don't really care.

Lunch: My friends started making fun of me and calling me a furry and screaming skibidi toilet shit at me.... I ate a PB&J, strawberries, lettuce, and a granola bar.

Period 2 ELA: We were reading for debate and just doing research.

Period 3 History: We learned about the temples in San Bartolo and about H. Hurst, who was the lady who started the San Bartolo excavation groups.

Period 6 Math: We played this weird game called Rollo, and also played a jeopardy about completely unrelated stuff. Pretty fun class today ngl.

Period 7 Studio Art: Just worked on my clay tic-tac-toe board. Made some of the custom pieces in the shapes of crescent moons.

Period 8 PE (This is where it gets funny): We didn't have to change today and had free choice (luckily) but two girls started barking at me and took pictures of me while I was turned around, which kinda ticked me off? I don't know, didn't matter for long. We had to at least run a lap, so everyone ran off to the track and some girls we're whispering about me behind my back then started barking and awoo-ing at me, which I quietly refrained myself from asking if they needed a treat. The rest of class was pretty chill except some kids tried throwing balls and frisbees at my head.

Well, that's my daily life as a therian. I don't do anything weird, I don't walk around on all fours, I don't shit in litter boxes (or the school bathrooms tbh). What a shocker.

#alterhuman #therianthropy #therian #nonhuman #rabbitkin #robotkin #foxkin #day in the life of a therian #daily routine #fuck school bullies

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copperbadge · 2 years

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1 of 2. Hi Sam - good morning! Re anxiety & ADHD. As a long-time clinical psychologist and experiencer of anxiety I would say that there is somewhat of a difference between the anxiety disorders identified in DSM such as GAD, (they typically address excessive/unrealistic/unwarranted worry/anxiety/fear) and the stress/anxiety that comes from knowing we are not managing to do the things necessary to keeping our life running smoothly because of, for example, ADHD. Of course, someone can experience

both at the same time. Typically, what we do about them differs a bit. For the excessive worry of GAD, we might help people change their relationship to worry thoughts so they're less dominated by them and they do less to 'fuel them.' With the stress of struggling with managing life tasks, we might use meds or behavioral strategies to increase ability and/or find ways of reducing life demands - to the extent that's possible in a capitalist society :(

Turns out I can't write the letters DSM without adding a disclaimer! DSM treats a complex biopsychosocial experience like anxiety a bit like it's measles - like it's a disease which we have or don't have: not my experience personally or professionally, & the data around many mental health issues suggests they're dimensional rather than categorical & they have complex, interactional risk factors to varying degrees. DSM may have some utility but it's not 'the truth.'

Yikes, I just found this in my drafts after having lost it for like...I think a couple of weeks at least, sorry Anon that I did not respond sooner. If it’s any consolation there’s at least one ask in my inbox from 2014.

What you’re saying about GAD vs. bog-standard “something’s wrong in my life” anxiety makes a lot of sense, and is kind of how I was looking at it, I think, but I’m not sure I was vocalizing it well. What was throwing me for a loop was the evaluator saying that I had really severe levels of anxiety, something that was worrying to her in a clinical sense -- GAD never really came up as a term, it was just what I had to go on when I got off the zoom call with her and googled about it. (She was very clear to state that while I had anxiety surrounding social situations she was not offering a diagnosis of Social Anxiety, both parts of which I agree with.) Of course it’s hard to know when you’re sitting in it whether what you’re feeling is unwarranted, but I felt like what worry I do feel is generally legit. I’ve been able to identify “Hey you’re freaked out about nothing” before, including times I couldn’t stop freaking out about nothing, but that seemed to me to be evidence I had a sense of scale, and it was never chronic.

These last few days, having shoveled out from under a bunch of stuff, I’ve been unsettled about the fact that there are periods of time when I don’t need to be doing anything. There’s stuff I could be doing, my to-do list isn’t empty, but none of it is catch-on-fire urgent the way much of my life has chronically been. I’m just so conditioned to having forgotten to do stuff and/or having stuff I know I should be doing that when I am permitted by circumstances to just sit and vegetate, I’m extremely bad about accepting it. Reading is helping, since there’s always another book to read and it fulfills my “I should be doing something” sense without actually wearing me out, and Dearborn is helping by sitting on me a bunch, but it’s very much an adjustment.

Still haven’t gotten the evaluation report from the clinic. I nudged the person who said she was doing the writeup, and she said she’d have it for me by today, then a few hours later emailed me to say “Actually your case was assigned to another doctor. I’ve asked her to bump it to the top of her queue, but I don’t have an ETA for you.”

They’ve got until August (mainly because the second half of July is going to be super hectic for me) and then I’m getting insurance involved.

#sam has adhd #anxiety

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ratherbefangirling · 2 years

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⏳Out of Time⌛

Part 1 | 2 | 3

Character Focus: Jimin, Jungkook, Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Established relationships

Summary: he wanted to love you but should you let him?

Warning ⚠️: Past Trauma, Unhealthy relationship, mentions of hospitals, hospitalisation and abortion

It's not like you have other options and it's not a bad arrangement what you would be saving on rent you could by more stuff with.. desserts books clothes anything.

"Please treat me well." Jungkook says.

You nod your head embarrassed at the formal tone.

The dinner passed fairly well.

Even though Namjoon tried to interact with both of you you could see the struggle he had in toning down and balancing his y/n personality vs his Jungkook personality.

The both of you adjusted fairly well and other than his gaming at ungodly hours there wasn't much he did that irritated you.

You had taken a week of from work. To cope. Barely leaving your bed. Your room was messy but you were too blind to notice it.

You even forgot that your mom was coming to visit you and your boyfriend... um ex.

Your phone rang and you talked to your mom.

And everything was normal until she told you she was coming this weekend. Which was two days later and she was excited to meet your boyfriend.

As soon as she hung up. You set to clean the room and the house.

"What's with the commotion." Jungkook asked.

"My mom's coming in the weekend." You replied brain empty.

"Oh cool." He said and was going to leave when you let out an inhuman cry.

"Oh no.. I'm doomed."

"Are you on drugs?" Jungkook enquired.

You shook your head only mildly offended.

"Does your mom hate smoking?."

"What.." You say in disbelief.

"'Um I don't smoke." You tell him

"'I know I couldn't smell it." He comments.

"No its you."

"Me.? I'm an angel "

You stop yourself from rolling your eyes.

Boys. Men. The male gender.

"So I told my mom I live with my boyfriend which was true but we broke up."

"So tell her that where's the problem."

"You don't get it Jungkook. If I tell her that she'll ask who are you and if she gets to know we just met that too through my Internet friend. Now I'm living with a boy with tattoos.. no offence, I think they're hot but she is going to freak and demand I come back home. She barely let me make friends back home I love her but I can't go back." You sat full on panic ranting.

"Hey calm down. Why don't you tell her that I'm your boyfriend." He suggests simply.

"Oh my god Jeon Jungkook you're an angel." You whoop with excitement.

Jungkook grins at you coolly.

"Y/n have you seen my tie."

"I swear Jungkook I told you a hundred times put it with your coats."

"Sorry y/n ssi .. now hurry I'm getting late."

You massaged your head.

It was going to be fine.

Suddenly you feel nauseas you run to the bathroom and vomit.

"Y/n... are you OK?" Your husband asks.

"It's fine I did feel weird yesterday after eating at that shitty diner."

"I've told you this a thousand times Eun Tak may be your best friend but she has some questionable dining choices I don't want a repeat of that eating expired food episode. I get she's a content creator but I was the one one who had to take care of you when you got hospitalised."

You wanted to argue with him but you remembered how he had been so vulnerable then.

'I thought I lost you god dammit..'

' I... couldn't even tell you I love you *your full name* '

'Please be OK please come back to me'

"Sorry kook." You say apologetic

"I'll email your office. Stay at home today." His phone rang. "I need to go but if you're not OK call me don't wait for it to get worse."

You nod.

You go to bed but after a while of lying down you realise sleep has escaped you.

You open the TV to watch something to pass time.

And today we have on show the rising star the special guest soloist Jimin... his latest song Serendipity has topped charts.

"Jimin shi... Can you tell us more about the song?"

Some how you find yourself unable to change the channel.

Were you over him?

Were you bored ?

Did you refuse to allow him any control over you?

You didn't know.

"This song is part of the story my album tells Serendipity is a love that found me unexpectedly and blessed me selflessly." You scoff.

"So a story Jimin shi what story are you telling or more importantly whose?"

Jimin smiled his pretty smile.

"While 'Serendipity' speaks about the love that was unexpected and is a saving grace and also the title. The other songs when listened in the exact order tell you the story of a nostalgic love. I hope you enjoy listening to them as much ad I did making them. Please give a lot of love to me and to them"

"Sounds fascinating. Who was your inspiration behind this. Anyone in particular."

"My fans of course mochi's Saranghae. They always inspire me to do my best. I was lost and did not know what to do and then just like magic they came they saw in me what I couldn't see myself and brought me here."

"This was Jimin and that's all for today folks."

You scoff but then again what did you expect.

When Jungkook came he found you listening to music. Tears dripping in your eyes. Worried he wiped your tears .

Startled you almost dropped the laptop.

"Is it paining, love? Do you want to go to the hospital."

"I'm fine Jungkook." You assure him

"Please y/n why are you crying."

"I just heard a very sad song... I mean technically it wasn't sad... but I'm... I'm just moody."

"Ah that time of the month."

You wanted to hit him but he wasn't wrong a week before your periods were set to arrive you would be moody if you were crying it was OK but somehow if you were happy god forbid then the week of your periods would have Jungkook tiptoeing around you and appeasing you with your favourite food.

"Hug?" He asks.

You nod and let him pull you in his embrace. It's safe and it's home.

The house was cleaner than its ever been. Luckily your mum was only coming for two days. You and Jungkook had prepared your back story. You had requested he wear long shirts too hide his tattoo's. Your mom was aware that your boyfriend wore earrings. That happened when you'd told her about the couple earrings Jimin had gifted you for valentines. You were counting on Jungkook's cute face to calm and reassure your mother.

You had prepared her favourite dishes and even desert. Though the servings of dessert kept disappearing courtesy of Jungkook. Because I quote 'It's too good almost like coffee one cup is never enough.'

You noted the detail though. Keeping it for later use. In case Jungkook need bribing.

You remember your first date with Jungkook or the first official one anyway. Despite the fact you lived together and had confessed to liking each other you had yet to go on a date. Soon after confessing that he liked you he had to go visit his dad who wasn't feeling well.

The last moments of your shared time together you practically stuck to him. He cooed at your behaviour calling you a baby.

"This baby is now your chosen mess." You had whined.

He had laughed and pecking the top of your head before grabbing the last of his stuff and completing his packing.

"See you soon." He said as he left the car.

You had both decided not to let you drop him off at the train station in case you both started bawling.

"You kept your socks and your charger right? Do you have your ticket. Check it one more time."

"Yes Y/n, I do. Don't worry."

"'Call me ok?"

"Ofcourse. Don't be too sad I will come back before you know it. Go on and enjoy making a mess of the house without me nagging at you."

"Hey between the two of us you're the messy one." You complain he only laughs in response.

You do miss him as you eat alone or when you see the door of his bedroom that's closed. Still he regularly calls you up mostly late night since you have work in the morning and he spends time with his family in the evening. The calls aren't very long because you can't sleep late and get up early. Still it's the highlight if your day.

It's on these calls he proposes to go on a date. With tossing back and forth of ideas you both decide to go to an amusement park after admitting you hadn't been on a proper roller coaster before.

"What do you mean you haven't been on a roller coaster. That is literally a crime against humanity." Jungkook says from across the phone screen.

"No need to be over dramatic." You reply.

"It really is I can't imagine it happening."

"I saw Final Destination and was slightly creeper of and then one of my friends had vomited after riding one so I decided I would do it after I became an adult but since than I've barely had any opportunity to like finally do it. Its been a long time since I went to an amusement park."

"Worry No longer Jeon Jungkook to the rescue. I will remedy the situation."

"No doubt you will."

"Maybe we can try going on roller coaster till one of us vomits." Jungkook suggests cheekily.

"Jungkook no. Absolutely not. It's a date. It's supposed to be enjoyable."

"As long as you're with me there isn't much I can not enjoy."

"Ah.." You sit flustered by his sudden suaveness.

The day of the date comes you're dressed prettily. You even booked an appointment at the salon to get your hair done. Despite temptation leading you on the opposite direction, knowing Jungkook you wear comfortable shoes that go with your outfit.

However good or bad your stamina might be it is pretty nonexistent in front of Jungkook. Who in combination with excitement is like a bunny on steroids.

Still even though your feet ache by the end of the day, all you remember is laughing so loud that your stomach hurt and Jungkook offering you a piggyback ride.

You think life loves playing games with you.

Due to Jungkook's insistance you go get yourself checked. After spending the whole day in the hospital getting checked and waiting. The doctor tells you might be pregnant and gives you an appointmentwith the gynaecologist. You feel restless, unsure. All sort of thoughts clogging your brain. Were you ready to be a mom? How would Jungkook react? Were you ready for this in your relationship only a few days ago you were crying about Jimin? Was this fair to Jungkook's and your unborn child.

You are quite when you come home. Still not ready to face the world you hide under your blanket. That's how Jungkook finds you.

"I told Namjoon Hyung that you're not feeling well. He just hopes you get well in time for the wedding because he's not sure what he'll do without you. And I got our clothes ironed. And the jewellery you ordered is here too."

"Thank you." You say.

He falls beside you on the bed.

"Come closer." He says and you obey. It's quite and nice and you decide whatever happens you'll face it together like you've always done.

On the day of Namjoon's wedding you feel better. You almost cry when you see Namjoon. Its like a mother hen watching her chick grow. Jungkook is both concerned and possessive.

When Namjoon talks to his other friends. Jungkook pulls you aside. Arms around your waist.

"Hey love I would appreciate if you would stop crying over a man that's not me." He says slightly pouty.

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. It's just he's struggled a lot to reach here. When we first met. He was struggling with anxiety and depression and generally going through a tough time. And I'm so proud of him for fighting and not giving up on himself his life. I just I've seen that growth and strength in him and Jungkookie.. it gives me hope."

Jungkook softens at your words. It's true you and Namjoon were similar in that way life hadn't been easy for you and while he envied your bond both because he had admired Namjoon a lot and because he loved you. He had come to accept the difference. He remembered early on in your relationship you guys had gotten into a fight and it was memorable because after it was over you'd sat him down and told him the reason why you didn't talk about your difficulties with him initially because he had not experienced it and thus couldn't relate while you appreciated him you didn't want to be sad with him all the time, you were scared he would leave.

He was surprised because he thought you didn't tell him because you didn't trust him. From then on you both had worked actively to prevent any miscommunication.

Understanding and loving were different things. Him trying to understand you was enough for you.

Still there would always be a part of him which wanted you to only rely on him. He wanted to give you everything the world could offer. But since he couldn't do that he just kissed your forehead.

"My silly beautiful crybaby wife." He says fond.

The ceremony is beautiful. There's laughter. You both give speeches. It's a wonderful evening.

Jungkook gets up to get some dessert. You sit and massage your legs. Walking around all day in heavy clothes and heels is taxing. You get impatient waiting for Jungkook. So you go to find him. Except you find something.. or should I say someone else.

"Jimin." You gasp and he turns towards you and he's just as shining and just as beautiful as the first time you saw him.

"Y/n." He acknowledges.

Your world is spinning. You feel an incoming headache.

"I ... What are you doing here?"

"I'm the brides cousin."

"Oh."

"And you?"

"I'm the grooms bestfriend."

He suppresses a sigh. There's a frown on his face and you want to remove it. It was bad for his face, since the early days of your relationship he had asked you to look for it and warn him.

"No bad lines on your face." You say force of habit and then shut your mouth.

He looks at you surprised. " Actually, I knew I saw the speech. Great speech by the way."

He says and there's silence. You think of things to say.

"Is it too late if I ask you to take me back?"

"I'm married." You state.

"I know and I dont care if I'm your side piece. I just want you back."

"Do you even listen to yourself?" You say exasperated.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way I just want to be a part of your life in any way that's possible. I want to be able to buy you things, to hold you, to kiss you, to love you." Your eyes widen in shock and some part of you feels miserable but a larger part just feels anger.

"Jimin you're being ridiculous. Just stop. " You tell him.

"Please take my number. If you ever change your mind. I did this for us and if I can't have you then what's the point. Just my card.. wait I will give you my card." Still insisting.

He opens his wallet and takes out his information card.

Jungkooks hand on your waist surprises you. You hope he hasn't heard your conversation with Jimin. It would end up being ugly. You couldn't ruin your bestfriends wedding day.

"Who's this love?" He asks you his head on your shoulder.

You can feel the anger rise in Jimin but he puts on a smile.

"Park Jimin. We used to be acquaintances." He says and your thrown back into the bitter days that Jimin introduced you as such.

"Hmm. I'm Jeon Jungkook. Y/n's husband. Hope you don't mind I will be taking my wife with me." Jungkook says guiding you away.

You suppress a smile at his jealousy. You think it's cute. Still your stomach is unsettled.

"I can't leave you one minute and have someone not flirt with you." Jungkook remarks.

"I'm sorry Kookie. I promise I didn't... I wasn't.." You are trembling. Things can't go wrong. Not now. Not ever. Not again.

"I know baby. Its just you're so pretty. I'm so happy you are mine." He says holding your hands firmly and pressing a kiss to your forehead. It's reassuring even though a dredge of guilt still lingers.

Jungkook wonders what happened to you to make you this way.

When Jungkook and you had first started dating. He was over the moon. You were pretty, kind, understanding and perfect in every way.

Until he had noticed your odd behaviour.

One day Namjoon had come up to him.

"I'm glad for both of you but you really need to stop hogging my bestfriend. We literally never hang out since you've started dating. It's always Jungkook this and Jungkook that."

Jungkook was confused but he didn't think much of it. He mentioned it at dinner.

"Y/n Joon came up to me telling he was missing you."

You dropped the spoon you were holding.

"I-I can explain."

Jungkook furrowed his brow. Why would you explain?

"I'm sorry. I I promise there's nothing. We are just friends."

Jungkooks expression must have worsened because he could see that you were on the edge of tears.

"Love, Y/n..." he approaches you and you stiffen. He doesn't understand what's happening.

"Look at me." He tells you softly.

You look like a kicked puppy.

He holds you hands.

"It's fine. I was just saying Namjoon is your bestfriend. You guys should hang out more just cause we are dating doesn't mean your life evolves around me."

"You don't want me around. Am I being to clingy??" You ask.

"No of course not. I love you babe and I love spending time with you but don't you think it'd be healthier if we don't neglect our friends."

"So you're not angry?"

"No obviously not."

The incident might have been strange for Jungkook but it had been strange for you too. Jimin would never let you be with any guys especially alone even before you guys started dating. And as far as your friends were concerned especially female ones they were always to busy to make time for you and even when they did all they could talk about was their partner so you gradually built distance.

After you leave with Jungkook, Jimin looks at you both for a long time. He feels angry and jealous. You were his. He took deep breaths. He hoped soon enough you too realised nobody could treat you better than him.

Jungkook decided to come pick you up from your appointment. He hadn't the time to check where you'd been referred to until he's standing outside the hospital.

Third floor you'd told him. When he sees the sign of gynaecology. His heart beats faster. If it is what he thinks it is. He is Euphoric. You've made him the happiest man. He's grinning as he looks for you, until he sees you bent over and crying papers in your hand. Worry rises in his throat.

"Y/n." He says softly holding you in an embrace. "What's it love?"

"I'm... I.. pregnant."

"Is it ... do you..." he takes in a deep breath queasy at the possibility." Do you not want?"

You shake your head no and he feels relieved. A weight lifted of him. Sometimes you took time to process things. The news probably hadn't settled in you yet.

"Let's go home, yes?" He asks. Hands in his throughout you reach home. After your crying session you're tired so Jungkook tucks you into the bed.

Your phone rings. It's Namjoon's message and a missed call.

He picks it up.

Namjoon : why didn't you tell me Jimin was there and you met him

Are you okay? We were just checking pictures of the wedding party. I swear I didn't know.

I know how tough it was. He contacted Jieun for your number but I heard so I told her I'd ask you first.

I know you're an adult and you both loved each other and broke up because of his career but I hope you don't end up doing something stupid. *message deleted*

So let me know?

Jungkook dropped your phone but luckily you stayed asleep. Now your reaction made sense.

You didn't want him. He was just a replacement of Jimin. Despite what logic dictated. He searched up Jimin on the Internet.

Jimin; he realised was every thing he wasn't and all parts you liked about him at the same time. He could see it clearly.

You always praising his singing you liked sweet voices huh , supporting him but also having anxiety whenever he had a project were you worried he'd choose his job over you ,Making him wear colored clothing different styles trying to turn him cute like your ex.

He looked at you sleeping and felt suffocated. He left his wedding band in the on the dining table. He was at loss.

Never did he imagine such a day would come in his life. You were the love of his life but was he the love of yours. For the first time he felt insecure in your relationship.

Is this how you felt all the time? He never felt burdened for reassuring you but now he understood you more and couldn't help but feel sad.

He cried in the bathroom.

When you wake up Jungkook's missing. You guess he's probably at the gym. You text him to get groceries. You decide to eat something. Now you were responsible for healthy eating of two. You put a hand on your belly.

"Don't worry little one. Mommy is going to take care of you."

You make yourself a sandwich and decide to sit at the dining table to eat. There's Jungkook's wedding band. Surely it's a mistake.

Anxiety creeps up and you are unable to swallow the food you were eating.

He must have removed it but you can't convince yourself because he never removes it.

The lock to your apartment opens. There's Jungkook coming in empty handed.

"Didn't you see my message?" You ask.

He looks up at you.

"No." He replies and goes to the kitchen. He looks sweaty from a workout. He makes himself a vegetable smoothie.

You go behind him but he doesn't say anything.

"I uh. You're not wearing your wedding band."

"It felt suffocating."

"Did your ring size grow? Do we need to go to the jeweller?"

"No. Just leave it." He dismisses.

"What's wrong ggukie?"

"Why don't you tell me?" He turns back anger rising in his voice.

"'..nothing nothings wrong." You say suddenly very unsure of yourself.

"Why were you crying?" He asks softer noticing your previous discomfort.

"I was just overwhelmed." You reply.

"Ha you sure I thought it was because of Jimin." And it comes out stronger than Jungkook intended but also because he wasn't planning to confront you.

You stumble back.

"How do you know about Jimin." You ask goosebumps visible on your arms.

"So you were really." He says half talking to himself.

"Jungkook who told you about Jimin." You ask desperation in your voice.

"No one I saw Namjoon texting you about him."

You stay quiet. He scoffs.

"Mind telling me about Jimin." He says sarcastically.

"I .." You take a deep breath. "He's my ex .. the ex."

He keeps the glass in the sink. Holding its edges as if steeling himself.

"So when are you leaving?"

"What do you mean?" You ask confused.

"Clearly you still have feelings for him."

You don't respond and Jungkook waits, when you still stay frozen he leaves slamming the door shut.

You don't talk to each other for a whole week.

You are torn. It's the longest you've gone without speaking to each other. You wonder when you'll finally be free of your past.

So you decide to write. Write down your feelings.

You want to say you hate him. That you wish you had never met him. That he ruined your life and broke your heart. Its true that he abandoned you and for that a part of you would never forgive him. But a greater part of you had loved him, been madly desperately in love and even now that part of you still wishes that he is happy.

Jimin stands infront of you.

He starts to speak but you stop him.

"Let me speak because if I don't now I don't think I will be able to....I hated you for a long time because I thought you broke my trust but that wasn't it. Looking back I realised both of us might have loved each other but we never trusted each other. Now I know that a relationship is nothing without trust. Because when you 'fall' in love its because you trust the person you love will catch you. I forgive you because I loved you once and more importantly I love myself and respect my partner enough to not let myself be consumed by the shadow of doubts that relationship left me."

"Y/n.. I." Jimin speaks up.

"No, please let me complete it. I hope you too find happiness because you're a great person. I hope you're more sure of yourself now. And despite the bad times, we had happy days and in honor of those I wish you find happiness like I've found with Jungkook. The happiness of coming home after a long day. That being said I sincerely hope that I never see you again." You say, your eyes are teary.

Jimin reaches out to wipe your tears but stops himself. He's lost the right to touch you, to wipe your tears. He doesn't realise when his eyes start watering.

"I'm.. really.. I'm so sorry but I'm thankful for having known you, for having loved you " and I still do even if you may not want me he wants to add.. "Thank you. I understand even though you never want to see me, I hope we do cross paths because you're one of the best things life gave me."

You close your eyes wishing he would disappear and Jungkook would come.

"I hope you're happy and you stay happy for a long time. Good bye." He says and turns because even now he can't watch you go.

"Good bye, Jimin." You hear footsteps fading.

You open your eyes and the sun is setting on the horizon. Your phone rings. It's a reminder you'd set for a day that wouldn't happen.

A wedding with Jimin.

It's almost poetic. You delete it. Finally you're free. It feels like the best time to move on.

Jungkook's voice calls you out. You turn to him. His face lit with joy as he realises you have come to see him for his lunch break. He rushes to hold you in his arms greeting you by kissing your cheek and rubbing you're pregnant belly.

He wants to ask why you're crying but since the unpredictability of your moods due to your hormones he's learnt better than to ask and send you in a spiral again. He trusts you to tell him if he can help for now he's going to enjoy his lunch break shrouding his wife

Jimin despite himself turns back and finds you giggling in Jungkook's arms. His phone rings its a reminder that had been set many years ago. He deletes it. He hides his face with a cap and goes on with his way. Determined not to look back again.

Fin.

Dear Jungkook,

Of all of things running through my head the thing that I am sure about is I love you.

It's a tragedy that heart bursting with joy and heartache are two sides of the same coin of love.

Before you the person who taught me love was Jimin but if I were to say which side of love I learnt through him it would be heartache.

He came into my life suddenly and filled it with novelty but he left just the same leaving a gaping wound.

A wound that was healed by you.

It is true I was sad that day but not because I wanted him back because I wondered what life could have been if things were different.

You thought I'd leave you for him and I felt betrayed that you didn't trust our love, trust me. Maybe that's why I ignored you instead of appeasing you. This has been the longest week of my life.

And I could say so many things but all I want to say is

I love you and I want to love you till the last breath of my soul and I want to be loved by you the way you love me and only the way you love me and only you. Steady, warm and reliant.

Only yours,

Mrs. Jeon Jungkook 💖

Authors Note 📝

Painful to the end 💔 😢. Have some tissues and cookies. But also sweet.

You may wonder why I didnt show the resolution between the fight with Jungkook.

I think it would be very emotional with both of them crying and waking up eyes swollen but also cuddled up and Jungkook whining how he almost died. And Y/n making him promise not to start imagining things by himself and never letting her go because she'd actually die but he shuts her up saying don't even talk about it.

Hope you enjoyed reading it. Have a nice day.

Remember Tumblr works by reblogs. Let me know what you think.

#bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts au #jeon jungkook #bts angst #bts fluff #park jimin #jeon jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jimin x you #jimin x reader #park jimin x reader #park jimin x you #kim namjoon

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mindmeltonabun-blog · 1 year

Text

Another Day, Another Plagiarist and Leaker On Reddit

I thought by now people would know I have eyes and ears everywhere. So here I am yet again having to deal with yet another plagiarist. And this one is even worst....they're also a leaker! Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, this dumbass decided to play dumb and pretend they didn't know about my blog until someone else on Reddit told them about it.

Following that, this person tried to make it seem like they didn't take and leak stuff from my blog by including a link to my blog in their post after the fact because they didn't want to get downvoted...HAHAHA HILARIOUS!!!!

I AM FREAKING LIVID!! Let's take a look at plagiarism and leaking at its finest!

Exhibit #1

No one and I mean absolutely no one besides me had came up with the Naksu=Jin Bu Yeon theory. Another dead giveaway this person has been following on Twitter as well as on Tumblr is their usage of "JBY". Most people refer to Jin Bu Yeon as either Jin Bu Yeon, Bu Yeon, or Buyeon. I, on the other hand, sometimes refer to her as JBY.

Exhibit #2

"Mama Jin" is also a nickname I frequently use both here on my Tumblr account as well as Twitter. Word of advice, if you want to get away with plagiarizing someone's work...YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO USE THE NAME NICKNAMES AS THEY DO...JUST SAYING.

Then let's look at this lovely statement of theirs:

"I feel like once her memories returns (both the body and the soul's) the face will also return but here is where it will get tricky because I dont see JSM going back to AOS2 because of how they are promoting LJWxGYJ like crazy."

Riddle me this, if you came up with your own theory.....why the hell are you disagreeing with yourself?! A person who comes up with their own theory would not be disagreeing with themselves. Why? BECAUSE THEY FUCKING SPENT TIME RESEARCHING AND THINKING AND THEREFORE HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO DEFEND THEIR THEORY. Jesus Christ.

Without revealing the rest of my post, I will only show you the portion that this idiot decided to freaking plagiarize and leak:

Its amazing....how freaking SIMILAR MY SHIT IS TO WHAT THEY SAID.

Continuing on with this idiot, they also decided to end their post with something that sounds so similar to what I write in my T&A post. They said:

"This is will be for today's theory and analysis. If you have any questions too or counter arguments I would love to see those"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHO IN THE AOS FANDOM USES "THEORIES AND ANALYSIS"....MEEEEEEEE!!! Below is what I included in my AOS2 blog posts.

Again, what they said is nearly identical to what I originally said!

Exhibit #3

And if you think it stops there.....you're in for a treat everyone!!! This person also decided to take my diagram and used it in their header on Reddit...HAHA.

For those who don't know, this diagram was from my TA post for Eps 7-8. You can see it below.

Exhibit #4

In my original post for Eps 23-24, I had said 200 years ago and then in a more recent post on my Twitter, I corrected myself and said 203 years later. See below.

This person also decided to say 203 years ago in a response to another comment. If I hadn't corrected myself when I posted on Twitter...this idiot wouldn't have caught it either.

You can go and see for yourself on Reddit how this person pretended they didn't know about my blog and then took stuff from it. It's quite hilarious to read their comments and responses since they have no clue what they are talking about. There are many things I did not explicitly state in my blog posts because quite frankly I was too lazy to type more than I already had. I'm glad I didn't because it leaves people like this dumbasses unable to fully explain stuff when asked.

Whelp I'm done with my venting and ousting this disgusting human being! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

#alchemy of souls #theories #alchemy of souls light and shadow #AOS #analysis #plagiarists

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tyrantisterror · 1 year

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I posted 1,921 times in 2022

484 posts created (25%)

1,437 posts reblogged (75%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tyrantisterror

@cerothenull

@hiboudeluxe

@dragonzzilla

@maplesamurai

I tagged 360 of my posts in 2022

#wizard school mysteries - 35 posts

#midgaheim - 33 posts

#tt liveblogs evangelion - 22 posts

#as a treat - 7 posts

#tyrantis - 6 posts

#the atomic time of monsters - 5 posts

#but i'm doing my part - 2 posts

#typhon - 2 posts

#echidna - 2 posts

#i wanted to use the i'm doing my part gif for this - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#when a horror story gets vast critical acclaim there will always be some critics who try to recategorize it as something other than horror

My Top Posts in 2022:

I found something hiding in the pokemon aisle...

What is this? Knockoff Pokemon cards? Unexpected, perhaps, but nothing exceptional... or are they?

See the full post

744 notes - Posted September 25, 2022

youtube

You could not stage a visual shitpost more mind-shattering than this video.

1,481 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

Just came across an episode of the 60′s Addams Family TV show where the Addamses take in a greaser motorcycle punk and, as you would expect, are absolutely delighted to have him as a houseguest.

And, like, the normal episode formula for this show so far has been “Some new normie meets the Addams family with some sort of ulterior motive, gets freaked out, and eventually abandons their schemes out of fear.” But while the episode began in that direction, the greaser actually starts to like the family because, you know, they accept him for who he is.

It turns out his dad is trying to track him down and make him conform to societal standards, and the Addamses, not knowing this, invite the dad over for a birthday party they’re throwing for the kid. And though the dad is also initially put off by the Adams family, he sees how his son loves them because they loved him unconditionally, and is shamed into opening his mind towards his son.

And fuck, man, it got me because I did not expect something that earnest from a 60′s sitcom, especially one as gleefully irreverent as this one. The tumblr posts are right, the Addamses would accept you for who you are.

6,845 notes - Posted December 5, 2022

Rescuers Down Under doesn’t get enough credit for a lot of things, but one creative choice in particular that I think should be talked about more is the movie’s decisions to mostly have real life fauna but then also making one of the main characters a dinosaur-sized eagle and just act as if that’s a thing that already exists.

Marahute is a gift.

13,971 notes - Posted October 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Conservatives yap and yap all the time about how kids don’t understand “woke” culture, but today the school age kids at the daycare had a field trip to a park and saw a really weird swing, and one immediately said “that’s for people with disabilities.” And the others were like, “Oh, people with disabilities, yeah that makes sense.” Like, the whole, clunky, politically correct phrase. These are kids who spend most of their time on tablets and don’t like using five words when three words would do, and they said that phrase like it was natural to them.

Sometimes my kids will be making up characters and write pronouns on their pages. One day a girl turned to me and said “This character is they/them.” They don’t think of it as a foreign concept - different genders are just as new a concept to them as all the other stuff they’re learning at this age, and like all that stuff, they regard it not as something to fight about, but just another facet of the world to learn, understand, and incorporate into the stories they create.

The kids handle learning these things just fine. It’s the adults who are moaning pissbabies about it.

41,023 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Youtube

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scarefox · 1 year

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Had my last work day in the customs post office today after 9 months. Feels weird. But I am happy to be away from this place.

People were nice and chill but also very gossipy and it is the most low intelligence boomer place ever. Srsly from all the jobs I had the past years this is the worst in that regard. You could probably find a whole crowd for a conspiracy & phobes rally in those halls. Like literally about 90% of the people in there are just straight up dumb or ignorant. (and of course alcoholics and sexual harassments gets just shrugged off like “lol dude xy came to work again reeking like beer” damn funny if they operate heavy machines and cars inside the halls... and that one dude sends D pics to all the female coworkers which is totally disgusting but funny to gossip over I guess...)

Even today I had to listen to crap like “ALL asian people literally eat EVERYTHING (which is disgusting, dumb and evil because they ALL also eat animals that are still alive ... ALL asians do that). But they also eat rice everyday” + some insults towards their visuals and their ‘low intelligence’..... And these employees handle packages from all over asia every day for years... None of them has any clue of what they are looking at when they open packages. The amounts of times I had to explain stuff to them or simply just had to translate english for them!!! Or even show them how google translator works... how google works..... how the computer structure or phone camera works (we take photos of the content of packages for the work process and documentation)....

Also... since a few weeks the customs employees including the customs officials are after manga... because they now noticed that some manga contain sex scenes. duh.... BUT now they all treat manga like it’s some disgusting japan pro.n stuff we have to shield the society and children from... The way they tried to tell me about it, them not knowing that I literally read manga since age 13 lol..... And I am sitting there listening to the most ridiculous ideas. (the shocked confused face from that one woman when I said I read manga). Thing is LEGALLY they can’t just say “Oh there are naked people in this comic we declare this is now an 1 8 + item which requires the recipient to show their ID in order to get their package” THAT’S NOT HOW AGE RESTRICTION WORK HERE. There are literally official authorities department for this whicj has EDUCATED (I hope) people, lawyers etc who check every requirement and potential danger. And not some old customs farts who never got in touch with japanese entertainment nor even with japanese culture but are now shocked to see that sometimes there are b00bs, Ds and va-jj’s in manga they think is for kids only.....

They treat collectors figurines from anime and games the same ignorant way. First of all they categorize them as toys fpr CHILDREN because....??? And then they see “Oh this big titted girl in this sexy pose has kind of a petite face. This is definitely child pr.onography by this freak country!!!”

Their minds would explode if they would see real life japanese (womens) faces, which often look naturally younger compared to western faces due to different facial structure.... But besides that... the fact alone that they see it all as children toys and comics is just dumb on it’s own... Like they basically just have the “children comic” or “perverted 1 8 + content” options in their mind. And that’s also the only thing they look for. The fact that there could be stories with full on gore or body horror doesn’t cross their minds. Na, they just check for the pervert stuff. Make it make sense at least?!?!?!

I appreciated the 2-3 good folks in that work place. One I keep in touch with. And I appreciate the fact that I now have a lot of dumb stories about customs officials and the post office and can totally justify why outside people are annoyed and angered by customs departments methods and behavior all the times. Because yes, they are indeed dumb af in there (in germany at least)... sad but true.

Also commuting was a big waste of time every day, hygiene and safety was horrible in that company as well. I will not miss it at all.

#everyone hates on Amazon while literally DHL / Deutsche Post is 10 times worse here #I now worked at both (or three. since there are 2 Amazon versions: warehouse and airport. last one is way better)#work rant #I am free #but who knows what Job I will get next

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thebigmandownstairs · 7 months

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rant about my roommate

i try really really hard to be patient with her, because i know why she is the way she is. she grew up living with her mom, who is the type of person to yell at everyone to get out of the house, and go on a mad cleaning spree, and would get pissed if anyone did anything in a way she didnt like. because of this way of growing up, my roommate is absolutely awful at cleaning up after herself, because her mom would always do it. shes never lived alone, shes never been in an environment where she is forced to realize that all of the mess around her is hers. its easy to think, when you live with roommates, that a smaller percentage of the mess you see has been caused by you than is the reality. you forget who put what plate in the sink, or who took out the trash last, it makes sense. so i try really hard to be patient with her. i try to implant tidbits of life advice into her brain because she doesnt have a ton of common sense (she is very smart though). i try to teach her things like not putting parchment paper in the oven, using thin glass on the stove will lead to boiling hot broken glass everywhere, leaving the door open to the balcony overnight lets bugs in, etc. but shes really pissing me off today especially. this morning i heard her break something glass (olive oil bottle) and my first thought was, oh shit, im going to end up cleaning this up, and i think im right. i had to close the balcony door that she left open, i had to clean up ash from incense that she burned without using an incense holder (she put it in my plant >:-/ ) that she just let drop on our coffee table, and i almost fell on my ass from the olive oil that she didnt bother actually cleaning up. she cleaned up the pool of it, but she didnt bother to wipe anything down to make it not slick as shit. so now my floor is slippery, which i would be surprised if she actually bothered to do something about. also she didnt even bother to pick up the towel she used to wipe it up off from the floor. side note, on saturday i cleaned the kitchen after doing a good bit of baking, loaded the dishwasher, and left a few things in the sink that wouldn't fit. in the time it took for the dishwasher to finish washing the dishes i had in there, she managed to completely fill the rest of our 2 basin sink with dishes. i left a sticky note with a ? on it on the towel on the floor, because what the hell????? and she put it on the sink and added an arrow pointing at the dishes from when i cooked last. i cant believe that she has the gall and audacity to get on my ass for 1/2 a sink of dishes after i have cleaned up after her nasty ass time and time again. i cant count how many dishes ive pulled out of the sink, how many pieces of silverwear ive had to pick up off of the floor, pieces of produce that ive picked up off the floor that she doesnt bother to do anything about after they fall when shes cooking, or how many times i have had to pile up her shit into one corner because she treats our living room like an extension of her room and leaves her school stuff, clothes, and shoes on the couch. i hardly even end up cooking because our kitchen is constantly nasty. i commend her for cooking so much for herself, but i want to bash her head against a rock becuase of her piss poor ability to realize and give a shit about the fact that she is sharing a living space with another person. i know that to her im probably a neat freak, but im really not. im not above leaving dishes in the sink, or leaving spills on the counter when i really just cant be fucked to do it, but i dont leave my spaces gross because i dont walk around with my eyes closed pretending like the trail of gross i leave behind me doesnt exist. fuck. i dont feel like im being unreasonable, like holy shit realize other people exist and are affected by your actions

#roommates #rant post #nasty roommates make me want to throw shit #dont be gross #be observant of your surroundings #pull your head out of your ass

0 notes

eleonordiza · 10 months

Text

𝟓𝟎 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞:

1. No one knows what they’re doing. Some do it anyway.

2. Work hard on what doesn’t feel like work.

3. Your thoughts make up your life. If you don't enjoy thinking about it, don't spend time pursuing it.

4. To make new friends, treat strangers like you’ve been friends forever.

5. If you want to win awards, be the best. If you want to actually win, be the only one.

6. Most people don’t need advice. They need one person to believe in them.

7. Meditate to upgrade your software. Work out to upgrade your hardware.

8. When you can't decide, the answer is obvious.

9. Pick one problem to solve this decade, and problems today are much easier.

10. The happiest people combine art, passion, and purpose into one compounding vehicle.

11. Spend time with freaks. They have dashes of genius, madness, harshness, and kindness. Authenticity doesn't live in the middle.

12. The world wants to know you for one thing. Do everything you want, but own one idea.

13. To be heard, don’t follow the herd.

14. Fill your mind with inspiration from the edges. Read old books. Walk new streets. Unique ideas start with unique input.

15. People can ‘feel the energy you put into your work.

16. When you’re good, they tell you. When you’re great, they tell others.

17. If you’re following steps, you’re falling behind.

18. The more you’re hesitating to share it, the more you desperately need to.

19. Art is a marathon of creative sprints.

20. The more you write, the more you’re right.

21. Never apologize for doing something good for you but strange for others.

22. The future of work is not 'play.' It's a relentless obsession with what sets your heart on fire. This isn't a game. It's war with a beautiful, torturous craft that consumes your life.

23. If you’re being copied, you’re on to something.

24. Life is short. The world is small. You owe it to yourself to bet everything on a dream you don’t want to wake up from.

25. Obsess the details for a decade, and you will win.

26. When you’re predictably unpredictable, they pay attention.

27. Life gets easier when you fall in love with hard things.

28. Don’t ‘be’ things. Do things.

29. Working out without your phone will solve 99% of your problems.

30. If you're not obsessed with the future you're creating, create a new one.

31. If your problems were given to a friend, you’d know exactly what they should do.

32. When you’re stuck between two things, choose a third.

33. Happiness can be measured by how excited you are to wake up.

34. The more obsessed you are with your craft, the more relaxed you’ll be with your life.

35. If you think you need a haircut, get a haircut.

36. The world is yours if you can make decisions quickly and unemotionally.

37. Use technology more than it uses you.

38. If you want people to follow you, lead them somewhere.

39. Focus on art for a decade, and profit will come for a lifetime.

40. When you start enjoying the pressure, you’re about to win big.

41. Most progress comes without a plan.

42. Everyone is dying to talk about *something.* Notice when their voice changes and their eyes light up, and let them share that world with you. Make people feel seen for their obsessions.

43. Great writing isn’t read. It’s felt.

44. Use your dark side to make something bright.

45. True greatness is a rare combination of obsession, service, and patience.

46. Pain tells you exactly where to go.

47. Don't trust an idea you 'think' of. The greatest ideas come to you. And you have no other choice.

48. Life's short. Go make stuff.

49. Put yourself in places you don't belong. One day, you'll end up where you want to be.

50. The number one rule: Break as many rules as possible.

Thanks for sharing this.... 🙂❤️It is highly appreciated. 👍😄🙂☺️😊

By Amard

0 notes

sanjayanbin20 · 11 months

Text

𝟓𝟎 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞:

1. No one knows what they’re doing. Some do it anyway.

2. Work hard on what doesn’t feel like work.

3. Your thoughts make up your life. If you don't enjoy thinking about it, don't spend time pursuing it.

4. To make new friends, treat strangers like you’ve been friends forever.

5. If you want to win awards, be the best. If you want to actually win, be the only one.

6. Most people don’t need advice. They need one person to believe in them.

7. Meditate to upgrade your software. Work out to upgrade your hardware.

8. When you can't decide, the answer is obvious.

9. Pick one problem to solve this decade, and problems today are much easier.

10. The happiest people combine art, passion, and purpose into one compounding vehicle.

11. Spend time with freaks. They have dashes of genius, madness, harshness, and kindness. Authenticity doesn't live in the middle.

12. The world wants to know you for one thing. Do everything you want, but own one idea.

13. To be heard, don’t follow the herd.

14. Fill your mind with inspiration from the edges. Read old books. Walk new streets. Unique ideas start with unique input.

15. People can ‘feel the energy you put into your work.

16. When you’re good, they tell you. When you’re great, they tell others.

17. If you’re following steps, you’re falling behind.

18. The more you’re hesitating to share it, the more you desperately need to.

19. Art is a marathon of creative sprints.

20. The more you write, the more you’re right.

21. Never apologize for doing something good for you but strange for others.

22. The future of work is not 'play.' It's a relentless obsession with what sets your heart on fire. This isn't a game. It's war with a beautiful, torturous craft that consumes your life.

23. If you’re being copied, you’re on to something.

24. Life is short. The world is small. You owe it to yourself to bet everything on a dream you don’t want to wake up from.

25. Obsess the details for a decade, and you will win.

26. When you’re predictably unpredictable, they pay attention.

27. Life gets easier when you fall in love with hard things.

28. Don’t ‘be’ things. Do things.

29. Working out without your phone will solve 99% of your problems.

30. If you're not obsessed with the future you're creating, create a new one.

31. If your problems were given to a friend, you’d know exactly what they should do.

32. When you’re stuck between two things, choose a third.

33. Happiness can be measured by how excited you are to wake up.

34. The more obsessed you are with your craft, the more relaxed you’ll be with your life.

35. If you think you need a haircut, get a haircut.

36. The world is yours if you can make decisions quickly and unemotionally.

37. Use technology more than it uses you.

38. If you want people to follow you, lead them somewhere.

39. Focus on art for a decade, and profit will come for a lifetime.

40. When you start enjoying the pressure, you’re about to win big.

41. Most progress comes without a plan.

42. Everyone is dying to talk about *something.* Notice when their voice changes and their eyes light up, and let them share that world with you. Make people feel seen for their obsessions.

43. Great writing isn’t read. It’s felt.

44. Use your dark side to make something bright.

45. True greatness is a rare combination of obsession, service, and patience.

46. Pain tells you exactly where to go.

47. Don't trust an idea you 'think' of. The greatest ideas come to you. And you have no other choice.

48. Life's short. Go make stuff.

49. Put yourself in places you don't belong. One day, you'll end up where you want to be.

50. The number one rule: Break as many rules as possible.

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turn-your-woundsinto-wisdom · 1 year

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50 short rules for a better life:

தமிழில்

1. No one knows what they’re doing. Some do it anyway.

2. Work hard on what doesn’t feel like work.

3. Your thoughts make up your life. Literally. If you don't enjoy thinking about it, don't spend time pursuing it.

4. To make new friends, treat strangers like you’ve been friends forever.

5. If you want to win awards, be the best. If you want to actually win, be the only.

6. Most people don’t need advice. They need one person to believe in them.

7. Meditate to upgrade your software. Work out to upgrade your hardware.

8. When you can't decide, the answer is obvious.

9. Pick one problem to solve this decade, and problems today get a lot easier.

10. The happiest people combine art, passion, and purpose, into one compounding vehicle.

11. Spend time with freaks. They have dashes of genius, madness, harshness and kindness. Authenticity doesn't live in the middle.

12. The world wants to know you for one thing. Do everything you want, but own one idea.

13. To be heard, don’t follow the herd.

14. Fill your mind with inspiration from the edges. Read old books. Walk new streets. Unique ideas starts with unique input.

15. People can ‘feel the energy you put into your work.

16. When you’re good, they tell you. When you’re great, they tell others.

17. If you’re following steps, you’re falling behind.

18. The more you’re hesitating to share it, the more you desperately need to.

19. Art is a marathon of creative sprints.

20. The more you write, the more you’re right.

21. Never apologize for doing something good for you, but strange for others.

22. The future of work is not 'play.' It's a relentless obsession with what sets your heart on fire. This isn't a game. It's war. With a beautiful, torturous craft that consumes your entire life.

23. If you’re being copied, you’re on to something.

24. Life is short. The world is small. You owe it to yourself, to bet everything on a dream you don’t want to wake up from.

25. Obsess over the details for a decade, and you will win.

26. When you’re predictably unpredictable, they pay attention.

27. Life gets easier when you fall in love with hard things.

28. Don’t ‘be’ things. Do things.

29. Working out without your phone will solve 99% of your problems.

30. If you're not obsessed with the future you're creating, create a new one.

31. If your problems were given to a friend, you’d know exactly what they should do.

32. When you’re stuck between two things, choose a third.

33. Happiness can be measured by how excited you are to wake up.

34. The more obsessed you are with your craft, the more relaxed you’ll be with your life.

35. If you think you need a haircut, get a haircut.

36. If you can make decisions quickly, and unemotionally, the world is yours.

37. Use technology more than it uses you.

38. If you want people to follow you, lead them somewhere.

39. Focus on art for a decade, and profit will come for a lifetime.

40. When you start enjoying pressure, you’re about to win big.

41. Most progress comes without a plan.

42. Everyone is dying to talk about *something.* Notice when their voice changes, when their eyes light up, and let them share that world with you. Make people feel seen for their obsessions.

43. Great writing isn’t read. It’s felt.

44. Use your dark side to make something bright.

45. True greatness is a rare combination of obsession, service, and patience.

46. Pain tells you exactly where to go.

47. Don't trust an ideas you 'think' of. The greatest ideas come to you. And you have no other choice.

48. Life's short. Go make stuff.

49. Put yourself in places you don't belong. One day, you'll end up where you want to be.

50. The number one rule: Break as many rules as possible.

சிறந்த வாழ்க்கைக்கு 50 குறுகிய விதிகள்:

1. அவர்கள் என்ன செய்கிறார்கள் என்பது யாருக்கும் தெரியாது. சிலர் எப்படியும் செய்கிறார்கள்.

2. வேலையாக உணராதவற்றில் கடினமாக உழைக்கவும்.

3. உங்கள் எண்ணங்கள் உங்கள் வாழ்க்கையை உருவாக்குகின்றன. உண்மையாகவே. நீங்கள் அதைப் பற்றி சிந்திக்க விரும்பவில்லை என்றால், அதைப் பின்தொடர்வதில் நேரத்தை செலவிட வேண்டாம்.

4. புதிய நண்பர்களை உருவாக்க, அந்நியர்களை நீங்கள் எப்போதும் நண்பர்களாக இருப்பது போல் நடத்துங்கள்.

5. நீங்கள் விருதுகளை வெல்ல விரும்பினால், சிறந்தவராக இருங்கள். நீங்கள் உண்மையில் வெற்றி பெற விரும்பினால், ஒரே ஒருவராக இருங்கள்.

6. பெரும்பாலான மக்களுக்கு ஆலோசனை தேவையில்லை. அவர்களை நம்புவதற்கு ஒரு நபர் தேவை.

7. உங்கள் ம��ன்பொருளை மேம்படுத்த தியானியுங்கள். உங்கள் வன்பொருளை மேம்படுத்த வேலை செய்யுங்கள்.

8. நீங்கள் முடிவு செய்ய முடியாத போது, பதில் தெளிவாக உள்ளது.

9. இந்த தசாப்தத்தை தீர்க்க ஒரு சிக்கலைத் தேர்ந்தெடுங்கள், இன்றைய பிரச்சனைகள் மிகவும் எளிதாகிவிடும்.

10. மகிழ்ச்சியான மக்கள் கலை, ஆர்வம் மற்றும் நோக்கம் ஆகியவற்றை ஒரு கூட்டு வாகனமாக இணைக்கின்றனர்.

11. குறும்புகளுடன் நேரத்தை செலவிடுங்கள். அவர்களிடம் மேதைமை, பைத்தியம், கடுமை மற்றும் இரக்கம் போன்ற கோடுகள் உள்ளன. நம்பகத்தன்மை நடுவில் வாழாது.

12. உலகம் உங்களை ஒரு விஷயத்திற்காக அறிய விரும்புகிறது. நீங்கள் விரும்பும் அனைத்தையும் செய்யுங்கள், ஆனால் ஒரு யோசனையை சொந்தமாக்குங்கள்.

13. கேட்க, மந்தையைப் பின்தொடர வேண்டாம்.

14. விளிம்புகளிலிருந்து உத்வேகத்துடன் உங்கள் மனதை நிரப்பவும். பழைய புத்தகங்களைப் படியுங்கள். புதிய தெருக்களில் நடக்கவும். தனித்துவமான யோசனைகள் தனித்துவமான உள்ளீட்டில் தொடங்குகின்றன.

15. மக்கள் ‘உங்கள் வேலையில் நீங்கள் செலுத்தும் ஆற்றலை உணர முடியும்.

16. நீங்கள் நன்றாக இருக்கும்போது, அவர்கள் உங்களுக்குச் சொல்கிறார்கள். நீங்கள் சிறந்தவராக இருக்கும்போது, அவர்கள் மற்றவர்களுக்குச் சொல்கிறார்கள்.

17. நீங்கள் படிகளைப் பின்பற்றினால், நீங்கள் பின்தங்கி விடுகிறீர்கள்.

18. நீங்கள் எவ்வளவு அதிகமாக அதைப் பகிரத் தயங்குகிறீர்களோ, அவ்வளவு அதிகமாக உங்களுக்குத் தேவை.

19. கலை என்பது கிரியேட்டிவ் ஸ்பிரிண்ட்களின் மராத்தான்.

20. நீங்கள் எவ்வளவு அதிகமாக எழுதுகிறீர்களோ, அவ்வளவு அதிகமாக நீங்கள் சொல்வது சரிதான்.

21. உங்களுக்கு ஏதாவது நல்லது செய்ததற்காக மன்னிப்பு கேட்காதீர்கள், ஆனால் மற்றவர்களுக்கு விசித்திரமானது.

22. வேலையின் எதிர்காலம் 'விளையாடு' அல்ல. இது உங்கள் இதயத்தில் தீ வைப்பதில் இடைவிடாத ஆவேசம். இது ஒரு விளையாட்டு அல்ல. அது போர். உங்கள் வாழ்நாள் முழுவதையும் உட்கொள்ளும் அழகான, சித்திரவதையான கைவினைப்பொருளுடன்.

23. நீங்கள் நகலெடுக்கப்படுகிறீர்கள் என்றால், நீங்கள் ஏதோவொன்றில் ஈடுபடுகிறீர்கள்.

24. வாழ்க்கை குறுகியது. உலகம் சிறியது. நீங்கள் எழுந்திருக்க விரும்பாத ஒரு கனவில் எல்லாவற்றையும் பந்தயம் கட்ட, நீங்களே கடன்பட்டிருக்கிறீர்கள்.

25. ஒரு தசாப்தத்திற்கு விவரங்களைக் கவனித்து, நீங்கள் வெற்றி பெறுவீர்கள்.

26. நீங்கள் கணிக்க முடியாத நிலையில் இருக்கும்போது, அவர்கள் கவனம் செலுத்துகிறார்கள்.

27. கடினமான விஷயங்களைக் காதலிக்கும்போது வாழ்க்கை எளிதாகிறது.

28. விஷயங்களை 'இருக்க' வேண்டாம். காரியங்களைச் செய்யுங்கள்.

29. உங்கள் ஃபோன் இல்லாமல் ஒர்க் அவுட் செய்வது உங்களின் 99% பிரச்சனைகளை தீர்க்கும்.

30. நீங்கள் உருவாக்கும் எதிர்காலத்தைப் பற்றி நீங்கள் கவலைப்படவில்லை என்றால், புதிய ஒன்றை உருவாக்கவும்.

31. உங்கள் பிரச்சனைகள் ஒரு நண்பரிடம் கொடுக்கப்பட்டிருந்தால், அவர்கள் என்ன செய்ய வேண்டும் என்பது உங்களுக்குத் தெரியும்.

32. நீங்கள் இரண்டு விஷயங்களுக்கு இடையில் சிக்கிக்கொண்டால், மூன்றில் ஒன்றைத் தேர்ந்தெடுங்கள்.

33. நீங்கள் எவ்வளவு உற்சாகமாக எழுந்திருக்கிறீர்கள் என்பதன் மூலம் மகிழ்ச்சியை அளவிட முடியும்.

34. உங்கள் கைவினைப்பொருளில் நீங்கள் எவ்வளவு ஆர்வமாக உள்ளீர்களோ, அவ்வளவு நிதானமாக உங்கள் வாழ்க்கையில் இருப்பீர்கள்.

35. உங்களுக்கு முடி வெட்ட வேண்டும் என்று நீங்கள் நினைத்தால், முடி வெட்டவும்.

36. நீங்கள் விரைவாகவும், உணர்ச்சிவசப்படாமலும் முடிவுகளை எடுக்க முடிந்தால், உலகம் உங்களுடையது.

37. உங்களைப் பயன்படுத்துவதை விட தொழில்நுட்பத்தைப் பயன்படுத்துங்கள்.

38. மக்கள் உங்களைப் பின்தொடர வேண்டுமென நீங்கள் விரும்பினால், அவர்களை எங்காவது அழைத்துச் செல்லுங்கள்.

39. பத்தாண்டுகள் கலையில் கவனம் செலுத்துங்கள், வாழ்நாள் முழுவதும் லாபம் வரும்.

40. நீங்கள் அழுத்தத்தை அனுபவிக்கத் தொடங்கும் போது, நீங்கள் பெரிய வெற்றியைப் பெறுவீர்கள்.

41. பெரும்பாலான முன்னேற்றம் திட்டம் இல்லாமல் வருகிறது.

42. ஒவ்வொருவரும் *ஏதாவது ஒன்றைப் பற்றி பேசத் துடிக்கிறார்கள். அவர்களின் குரல் எப்போது மாறுகிறது, அவர்களின் கண்கள் ஒளிரும் போது கவனித்து, அந்த உலகத்தை உங்களுடன் பகிர்ந்துகொள்ளட்டும். மக்கள் தங்கள் ஆவேசத்திற்காக பார்க்கப்படுவதை உணருங்கள்.

43. சிறந்த எழுத்து படிக்கப்படவில்லை. அது உணரப்பட்டது.

44. பிரகாசமான ஒன்றை உருவாக்க உங்கள் இருண்ட பக்கத்தைப் பயன்படுத்தவும்.

45. உண்மையான மகத்துவம் என்பது தொல்லை, சேவை மற்றும் பொறுமை ஆகியவற்றின் அரிய கலவையாகும்.

46. வலி சரியாக எங்கு செல்ல வேண்டும் என்று சொல்கிறது.

47. நீங்கள் நினைக்கும் யோசனைகளை நம்பாதீர்கள். மிகப்பெரிய யோசனைகள் உங்களுக்கு வரும். மேலும் உங்களுக்கு வேறு வழியில்லை.

48. வாழ்க்கை குறுகியது. போய் சாமான்களை உருவாக்கு.

49. நீங்கள் சொந்தமில்லாத இடங்களில் உங்களை வைத்துக்கொள்ளுங்கள். ஒரு நாள், நீங்கள் இருக்க விரும்பும் இடத்தில் முடிவடையும்.

50. நம்பர் ஒன் விதி: முடிந்தவரை பல விதிகளை உடைக்கவும்.

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dzpenumbra · 2 years

Text

10/26/22

Today was very bad. I'm just getting that out of the way, this was not a good day by any stretch of the imagination. I woke up at 9 AM to a missed call and voicemail from my vet. I got really insecure about talking on the phone while sleep deprived and half-awake and kinda still high. But I knew it was the test results. I went back to sleep, somehow.

Woke up later in the day, around 1 or so, to a second call and voicemail from my vet. I called them back around 3 after I got up and got settled in and woken up a bit. I've always been very insecure about that. I do not like talking to people when I'm not at my fullest, not before coffee, not if I'm high, not if I'm half awake. I feel very repulsed by it, I feel like it makes me look bad, I feel like people treat me different then, I feel like people will judge me by my lack of mental capacities and attention span, or me getting lost or distracted, or whatever... and treat me differently than otherwise. So I really revolve my life around being my best self around people, I really do try, and kinda obsess over it. Which I miss not caring about. A lot.

I called the vet back, we coordinated a few hours later, at like 5 or so. She... confirmed that my cat has hyperthyroidism. And stressed (editing to add "emphasized", "made a point to point out") that we caught it in the early stages, so treatment should be effective. I really hope so, she offered up an ointment or something for her ears that I'm going to apply. I figured that shouldn't bother her as much as a pill, it's not gonna work for me to try to feed her pills. And she likes having her ears stroked, so it hopefully works.

The food supplements are NOT going well. She is avoiding her canned chicken because of it - god I really hope it's because of that - and kinda just not eating food. So... I really gotta pay attention to that. I ordered some new canned foods that might be more appealing to her, but i have a very strong feeling it's the joint supplement she's avoiding. I'm gonna have to call the vet back about all this in the AM, now that I think about it. My thoughts keep drifting off to that.

Also because I'm pretty sure she ordered the ointment to the wrong pharmacy thats like probably almost an hour and a half round trip from my house. So I'm going to have to call them back tomorrow anyway.

So she's gonna need to get more tests done, like... next month probably. Keep checking the thyroid levels. This is kinda starting to get real now, I guess it didn't hit me before like... how big a change this is. Not the full impact. Because I'm really alone in this. And she's my baby, I've had her since she was like 2 weeks old. And I really don't say that out loud enough, I don't know why. She means the world to me and I want to be even better for her every day. I feel so bad for the fact that this is her life now. Doctor visits, hip pain, still thinks their a kid - me and her are way too alike right now. But I can give for her what I needed for myself, right? Even if she's "just a cat", fucking whatever, I can still do the cat version of being there for her.

So yeah, I don't wanna go too far into the future right now, because I still have to sort out a lot of Now stuff, and if I get too freaked out about how hard and scary things are gonna be from here forward, I'm just gonna freeze up with the Now stuff. So... let's go back to today. So I got the news from the vet and just... tried to mentally --- well, I was gonna say process it, but... nope, distract basically. I just immediately fired up Minecraft and put something on in the background. I just didn't process it at all. I'm... god I was just like curled in a ball nodding my head the whole time the vet talked too. I want to say "I'm such a wuss" about this, but no, I'm just fuckin traumatized about this shit. I'm just rocking back and forth in the trenches like that dude from the Brood War intro cinematic when the Battlecruiser just flies off into orbit and strands them there, and he just lowers his visor. "Take us into orbit, Mr. Malmsteen. We've seen enough."

My mom called like... an hour or so later? I was not able to explain to her that I was in the middle of a PTSD episode. An acute traumatic incident that I really wasn't able to fully process, that I'm still struggling to really wrap my head around. It's very intense. Like... horror movie intense. Like I just got wrapped up in the Mafia somehow or something, like... when the pandemic started? Like that kind of feeling, I guess? Like "oh shit, my life is very different now". "I'm way too disconnected from her to not have noticed this or spoken up about it", "I'm going to have to do this alone", "I don't even have a vet where I'm moving, and she's going to need monthly blood tests, and they said I really need to get the ball rolling on a new vet like now because they may not schedule me for like... months. And I am moving 2.5 hours away. One-way, so 5 hour round trip."

This was all swirling in my head. In the forefront of my mind was the inconvenience of driving, how stressed out that's going to make Max. Like... I'm going to have to drug her the night before, which took 3 hours last time and almost didn't happen. Then I need to hit the road 2.5 hours before my appointment. She has historically not been good on car rides. She gets carsick. So I'll have to subject her to that, drugged, again. And then get blood drawn from her neck. And then drive right back home. Every month until I can get a new vet.

I panicked. Full-on. And just got fucking cranky and frustrated and angry. Angry that I was in this situation, that yet another fucking bullshit thing got thrown on the pile. Like we just can't catch a fucking break. And they won't make an appointment for me to get a vet why? Because all these new people flooded into the state? Because a bunch of people got pets during the pandemic? And I can't get like... serious health care for a 16 year old cat that has lived in this state her entire life. Who I didn't take to the vet for like 10 years because I didn't want to stress her out or upset the vets with how difficult she could be. I still feel like a fucking idiot for that one, but the past is the past. We can't get an appointment why? Because someone needs to get their dog's nails trimmed or something? I don't know. Maybe it's just too many new people in the area, I don't know, but I don't ever remember this being a problem. Not being able to get medical care. Not being able to get an appointment with an eye doctor for glasses so I can legally drive for like... 2-4 months after appointment? Same with dentists and people doctors I've heard, I've basically given up on even trying anything other than urgent care at this point, and even that I put up a fight on.

You see the shift, the cranky bitter aura that oozes out of me when I go down that path? How unjust this situation is. It must be a defense mechanism. Outrage. How dare they. Ugh. What do I do with that? I just want to get it out of my system, it always just wants someone to sit next to him on a bench and kick the dirt with him and go "I know dude, it's fucked up. We've gotta find a solution for this. I'll help, I'll look around and see who I know. Maybe we can get a recommendation or a referral or a personal connection or something." I feel like he would respond well to that. Like "I heard you, I agree with you that the world is fucked up and this kind of stuff shouldn't happen, but I'm reminding you that it is happening... and we're going to bring the best resources we can to make sure this problem is taken care of and handled properly."

I was... really unfocused and scattered and disoriented other than that thought pattern. The outrage logic made sense to me. The rest was very overwhelming and hard to engage with, hard to really process. It put me on my heels I guess, I don't know, I kinda just felt foggy or in a daze or something. Like it just hadn't hit me yet. Like I got the information, it was there, but I was kinda still buffering... so I don't just start freaking out and losing my shit? I guess. It makes sense. Like a mental buffer state to afford me room to self-soothe and prepare for the next dose of realization. So it doesn't hit me all at once. Because I'm very very emotionally sensitive. That must be what I've subconsciously devised. It has to be. And when it's active, I can get kinda non-responsive I guess? Guarded, succinct, withdrawn, suspicious? Stuff like that? I'm still not sure.

So that's two pretty distinctly different personality states displayed right there. The sorta brooding, untrusting recently-hurt, grieving Me. And the outraged, what is wrong with the world?, grumpy bitter Dr. House kinda Me. They're both very different, but very closely connected, they deal in the same business. Self-protection. Caution. Defense. And I'm not sure who's easier to deal with? Honestly, and this might be the disorienting part for others, but I think the outraged Me is easier to deal with. Like easier to calm down and reason with. Scared pouting emo Me is... like a moody teenager, and really hard to crack the secret code of. He really doesn't like giving out information, he doesnt trust people and kinda tries to work around it by enticing people to find the information themselves? Through clues and proposed empathy scenarios, allegories, etc. Ways to kinda... well, now that I think about it, kinda require empathy? Like, either be empathetic or... you're not getting anything? I guess? I don't know, this is my first time really truly exploring this part of my psyche, I never really question it in the moment. I need compassion so badly that I just sorta only cooperate by presenting empathetic scenarios. And most people I encounter with trauma issues (like fucking all of them) see an invitation (...that isn't entirely optional? so... kind of a demand, I guess) to put themselves in the shoes of a traumatized person. Yeah... I can see how that's gonna set off a powderkeg. Yeah, that doesn't work. I mean... I have to give myself some credit here. I do have good intentions. And I'm making my needs very clearly announced. But I guess this way of approaching it is a bad habit. I erased the word "very" to be a little fair with myself. I've had a long day and I don't want to be any harsher on myself than I need to be. I think I need to work on this. But that state is one of the hardest for me to access in the moment. It's a very primal part of me, I think. Something that deals with very close, very painful traumas. I think it's very deep near the brainstem, so it can be very tricky to reach, and to copilot with. So I can make it a longer term goal, for right now... I need support. I can't rely on overriding PTSD responses like this when I have important medical stuff I need to take care of.

The fight with my mom started very quickly and went on for a long time. I didn't look at the clock. It was very bad. We learned a lot in the last bit of it, but it was very bad. And I don't want to relive it. So... we're going to see where it goes tomorrow. She knows someone that works at the Animal Hospital, a friend of many years. She's going to check in with her and see if she can hook me up with a vet in my new town. See if she can pull some strings. My current vet would but she literally just moved here 2 weeks ago, and she was on her 3rd day of work at this hospital when I first saw her. She is probably the worst vet that I could be paired up with for this situation, but she's a really really nice and knowledgeable person, so I'm trying to be polite and kind, but I really need some people higher up in the hospital to get involved here to use some connections, because I really don't want my cat to get more sick. She's already suffering enough, and the blood tests have been a lot too, I really don't want her to miss treatment on top of that. She deserves better than that.

So we came out of the call with a solution. I made buffalo chicken ramen with string cheese in it because I was out of other cheeses. And apple juice that I got for free from the grocery store. I tried to feed Max but she wouldn't eat. So I played with her for a bit, and she did play, but she didn't eat after. She doesn't even really get up and play anymore, she just lays there and bats at it, then runs and chases for a little bit, then lays down again. :( It's really hard, but at least she's having fun! You know? I just want her to be happy. She gets so many cuddles, so I really want to balance this feeling out a bit because I'm crying. And it's okay to cry. I love her very much. I just really hope she has more time than I'm afraid she does. I hope this isn't like my dog, where one day things are fine and then literally the next day... So, okay, lets just ground a bit, because crying is one thing and is really good and cathartic emotional expression... but catastrophizing is an extension off of that. This isn't the same situation as my dog. She has been on a decline, yes. But that decline has been going on for a while... like... years. So yes, it's possible she may take a turn quickly. But that isn't the trend currently. I hope. I will pay more attention, that's something I can do about this, just keep checking in with her throughout the day.

So yeah, that was basically most of it. I really have to pee, I'm gonna check on my girl while I'm up because she's not here.

I got her to follow me into the bedroom, I sat on the floor and played with her a bit. She just sorta lays her hips out and slumps onto the floor. I guess Cerry used to do that a bit too, now that I think about it. I pet her on the hips with a little too much pressure and noticed the discomfort and apologized. After we played she walked into the bathroom, I think... I hope she comes back in and hangs out in bed. I'm not sure why she's in the other room instead, she's usually in here with me.

I hope its not because of the fight. Or the supplements. I don't know.

I'm a bit paranoid right now that since I've like barely ever left my cat's side and I'm always at home, that I'm not seeing how old or hurt she's getting. That it's visually noticeable that she is an old cat that is getting sick. And I just visually don't see it. The way you just don't really smell what your house smells like? And then you leave for like a week and come back and it's just like... whoa. I get that especially bad due to my frequent periods of a severe lack of executive function. Yet another insecurity! Yay!

The one piece from the day that I didn't get to was that I started filling out an application thing for Betterhelp. I'm going to give it a try. I got to the part where you put in your credit card and just put it off for the night. Mr. Moon was streaming and I kinda just wanted to be around friends. Even if they aren't my friends. Just like, be in close proximity to the experience of being around friends. For old time's sake, I guess. I don't know. It's definitely an addiction of mine.

So... tomorrow I need to follow up with my mom and her call to the vet. I need to call the vet myself, to make sure the ointment is called in to the correct pharmacy. Maybe I can have her do that too? Either way. And I need to finish the thing for Betterhelp and get set up with someone to talk to. I have a pretty specific idea of what I need to figure out a plan with this time. I've done therapy more than anyone I know. I actually have a bit of a framework to work with now, to form a plan. The problem is... it's not simple at all. And it's a really long story to piece together to have it all make sense. Like... I need to work on this incommunicado-while-traumatized thing (which used to be complete silence and glares), which I deliberately evolved into what it is now: kinda entrapping people into empathy since it's what I need in that moment. I need to work on the hyperarousal/hypervigilance, get some good survival and quality of life techniques with that. And I need to figure out how to get a stable social network together when I'm such an unstable Libra. To help me stabilize, so that I can bring my stabilizing skills to full effect. Also in processing grief. Because that's still a thing and I'm scared I might have more coming before long.

I do not want to end on that note. I remember not long ago I was saying I wanted to balance out the feeling of sadness and wanting to cry. I don't even know what to say, it's that "planned stream of consciousness" thing all over again. I wanted to say something nice about Max's life. I give her vanilla ice cream sometimes, like her dog-sister before her. Because it's just cream... and I mean, the sugar probably isn't great but it isn't gonna kill her.

Okay, so I just looked up hyperthyroidism. I was ready for it to be like a doom-WebMD kinda thing. It really wasn't that bad. I mean, radiation therapy is scary, and her needing to be hospitalized for that for like 2 weeks? I mean... there's gotta be a better way than that. And this woman was suggesting an ointment or pills? I'm guessing the pills would be methimazole, but I went with the ointment... You know... I --- okay, I'm just gonna calm my brain down a bit. Again, I was planning on saying that it wasn't that bad. Treatments can lead to full remission. It said on the page - old age is not a disease. It helped. She deserves a shot. And she's not that old. She's old and had a long youthful life where the average age for this thing is like 12, she's 16 so she's actually on the later side with it. But I'm... yeah, I have no idea how much time she has left, not even a ballpark. I just really hope she has more. And I want to give her as much as I can. Without making her life a living hell in order to do so. So I'm going to pay close attention to that. There's also a dietary method to treating it, which means no treats... but it can completely reverse it too through iodine so... maybe it's worth a chat since I'm overhauling her diet anyway?

I'll shoot my mom a text about the pharmacy mistake and then I really should get to bed. If I can. It's 7 AM. I'm a bit freaked out. But I am tired. So... yeah.

Wasn't expecting a big life-change dump like this today. I know I was expecting the lab results and anticipated them coming back positive, but... not this quick. So... yeah... one day at a time. Really could use some friends to like... get over whatever stupid grudges they have with me over petty shit and just like... be nice to me. Because I'm scared, and overwhelmed, and could really just use some kindness and maybe someone to be really nice and playful and sweet with her before her time runs out. Would be nice. I think she's earned it.

#diary #journal #online diary #stream of consciousness #spilled thoughts

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booberryfun · 2 years

Text

Prompt#14

Some Villain x Civilian prompts because Tumblr isn't giving me any ;-;

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1. Hero and Villain both have a crush on Civilian and Civilian likes Villain. They genuinely like Villain for who they are, no love potion, no brainwash, no threat, no anything. Hero is insanely jealous and thinks that Villain must have done something to Civilian because according to them, "No one in their right mind would like Villain". So Hero tries to persuade Civilian, then things escalate to a kidnap attempt to bring Civilian back to their base and "cure them".

Civilian is freaking out and on the verge of breaking down, scared and confused. Villain comes just in time to see their lover being dragged/man-handled by Hero and a fight breaks out.

Bonus points if Villain is overprotective of Civilian and they are livid that Hero dared touch their lover, even worse, hurt them and made them cry.

2. Civilian is Hero's ex and Villain is their new lover. Hero accidentally finds out and they step out to confront the couple. Villain is about to taunt and mock Hero but Civilian speaks first and they just straight up throw a tantrum at Hero for why they've left.

"Call me selfish all you want but I deserved to be loved too. You're always saying that you're on missions, doing heroic work- I know it's important and all but it feels like you've been purposefully avoiding me."

"At least Villain makes time for me. At least they listen, they remember the little things, they appreciate my effort in changing to become a better person. Have you ever?"

"I don't care what they do, I don't care about the fighting thing between the two of you. All that matter is that they treat me nicely as a person, someone worth cherishing, not as a plaything you come to when you need to release stress after work and throw away when you're done having fun."

Civilian breaks down during the rant and Villain comes up to give them a pat on the head, a few kisses under the eye, on the cheeks... They turn to Hero and go "Don't you think you've hurt them enough that you have to find them and ruin them even more? What kind of Hero does that?"

3. We've seen injured Villain collapsing in front of Civilian's house. How about Villain rescuing and nursing a Civilian back to health? Even better when Civillain is injured as collateral damage of a fight caused by Villain sometime after being taken care of by Civilian and they recognize Civilian. Civilian also recognizes Villain. Civilian may or may not know that they are collateral damage, but either way, they end up having a soft spot for Villain for how kind and gentle they are while nursing them back to health.

Bonus point if when treating Civilian, Villain is dreaded in guilt and they try their best to make it up to Civilian. It can be buying flowers, cakes, leaving notes around the house, reading Civilian stories...

4. Civilian knows what Villain does and casually help them out from time to time. It can be pretty obvious like directly telling Villain "Your calculations are wrong here" or through subtle hints in their conversations.

Their daily conversations can be like "You're going to blow up that old building to trap the heroes in? Sure but try not to damage the bookshop 2 blocks away yeah? It's my favourite place in the city."

Or if Civilian and Villain's work are related:

"Made headlines again today. Ah such a handsome man. I can stare at this picture of myself forever." - "Well, don't you think you should thank the photographer for that?" - "Aww, of course, you're the best, darling."

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Please feel free to add more I'm dying for civilian x villain stuff here 🥺🥺

#villain #civilian #villain x civilian #civilian x villain #hero x civilian #hero x villain community #prompt #writing prompt #dialogue prompts #writers block #writerblr

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dreamkidddream · 3 years

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I’d like to request hc’s of the Brothers and Diavolo reacting to an MC that’s so cute, she could pass off as a doll. If she stands perfectly still, she could pass off as a full sized doll until she moves again. She has adorable doe eyes, wears cute clothes (Lolita fashion or just has an anime girl style), and even makes cute desserts. If the usual MC was weak and frail to them already, Doll!MC seems so dainty, precious, and fragile; these guys would ban paper if she ever got a paper cut.

Oooooo this is really interesting! I can just imagine Doll!MC just making everyone so scared every time she moves because they could probably hurt themselves just bumping into a wall because they look so fragile lol. These were short, so hope you enjoy!

Update: here’s part 2 with the other Undateables!

The Brothers and Diavolo Reacting to Doll!MC

Lucifer

...maybe he made a mistake in picking you for the exchange program after all

You just look so delicate, and just so pure.

You have definitely made cute little snacks and brought it to him while he locked himself in the office with paperwork

He lowkey highkey likes it no matter how he brushes it off with the usual thanks. Keep doing it, MC, he really appreciates it

When you get in trouble and he gives you the usual lectures, he can’t look into your eyes for long

Geez, he already can’t stay mad at you for long but now he can just feel his resolve cracking

If you get hurt oh Diavolo prepare for helicopter parent Lucifer

As soon as you accidently cut yourself in the kitchen (it would be the tiniest cut, barely noticeable), you’re no longer allowed in the kitchen unsupervised and can’t handle anything with a sharp end (whether its a butter knife or kid proof scissors that would be safe for Luke to use unsupervised)

“Let me do it for you, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Lucifer, thank you but I’ll be okay. It’s just a frosting spatula it’s not sharp-”

Will punish his brothers 10x worse and demons 100x more if he finds out you got hurt (doesn’t matter what the injury is, could be so much as a paper cut there will be hell to pay)

Constantly checks on you when he can’t see you in person

Handles you so lightly that you barely feel his touch

Move over Belphie, you’re the baby of the house now

Mammon

Protective x100000

Is still tsudere around you, but doesn’t insult you as much

Who are you kidding as soon as he looks into your cute doe eyes, he forgets what he’s saying

Complains about having to do stuff for you but doesn’t mind at all really. He loves it because it feels like you’re depending on him, and that makes him feel worth something.

“C’mon human, let the Great Mammon carry your books! You’re gonna hurt yourself and I don’t feel like hearing Lucifer’s mouth today!”

It was just your planner and a small recipe book that Luke gave you, and it weighed less than 10 pounds but okay. You don’t complain either when you see that he genuinely wants to help and do these things

Basically your loud guard dog and secret service agent rolled into one

He’s gotten into trouble more than once for “protecting you”. A student barely bumped your shoulder and Mammon already tackled him. Lucifer was not pleased (but he secretly understood)

He can’t help it that you’re weak and surrounded by hungry demons! It’s a pain to go through this much effort to just protect you, since you look so helpless

MC he’s just worried that you easily break if a demon so much as breathes on you but he likes that he can protect you because he knows that he can keep you safe. You’re just too cute and sweet okay??

Also stand in his room after watching a horror movie to freak him out and he’ll be sounding like Mariah Carey lmao

Leviathan

RURI-CHAN IS THAT YOU??!

Is for sure having an otaku/weaboo freakout moment

You blend in with figurines so well, every time you come into his room he asks you to stand next to them so he can feel that his collection is complete

He does it sometimes when he streams so people can think he has a rare limited-edition life sized doll that they can’t get. Makes him feel superior

DRESSING YOU UP IN COSPLAY 100%

You’re like an anime character but in real life and he does not know how to handle it

Can’t stare into your eyes, it makes them too flustered because he’s used to seeing it in his otome games and not from an actual person that he likes

Who needs maid cafes when he has you? You even dress and make anime themed desserts (once he built up the courage to ask you to make it for him)

Has to calm his beating heart every time he talks to you, you’re too precious for him MC!

Your like his very own idol, minus the singing and dancing. However, if you can sing and dance....

Levi.exe has stopped working

Satan

Thought you were a real doll until you introduced yourself

He really thought that someone brought you to life Pinocchio style

You looked like a princess from the many stories that he read, and he was smitten

Treated you so graceful and elegant like until he had his rage moments, which he told you to stay far, far, far away from him until he calmed down completely

Secretly placed a hex on you to where if someone tried to attack you or touch you with harmful intentions, they would be somehow be subjected to looking at their worst fear

You were wondering why that random stranger was just staring wide at you with extensive terror, but then you saw Satan grinning, so you left it alone. You thought it was just some weird demon thing

Loved when you made him cat-themed desserts

If you wore cat ears while doing it, he will turn extremely red

If you meow for him, he won’t know how to handle himself

Asmodeus

You are just the cutest thing he has ever laid his eyes on!!

Besides from himself of course, don’t get it twisted he’s still #1

He has most definitely had more than one photoshoot done with you both. And you guys have been trending on the Devilgram a couple of times already

Really you guys trend at least twice a month, and his fans love you!

They always ask where he got the doll from but he always laughs and says that “it’s a secret”

Imagine their shock when they see you walking and talking at RAD, some are amazed and some are downright scared

Fashion shows!

He lives for dressing you up in cute clothes. Your style already suited you and he had great tastes so the new outfits he got you were just *chef’s kiss*

The cute little desserts that you made for him, he always posted it on the Devilgram before he ate it. They were just so cute MC and he couldn’t not show his fans!

Is the most careful brother when it comes to keeping you out of danger. He refused to let his body or skin damaged, and he wasn’t about to let it happen to you either! You are both way too dainty and fragile to let anything happen

Also spa days and self-care nights weekly!

You’re the perfect match made just for him MC

He finally has someone that can understand his struggle of being beautiful, bless you MC

Beelzebub

Soft boy is scared of touching you :(

He towers over you, and he’s scared to even be near you

It takes some time, but he starts to warm up to you

Is always gentle with you, no matter the scenario

Holding hands? He is hardly gripping your hand, said hand fitting loosely in his

Getting hugs? He’s meagerly holding you, not wanting to crush you

You once complained to Beel that it wasn’t fair to get half done hugs (if you were hugging, you were getting a real hug, not a scared one).

He made you swear that if he was hurting you to let him know, so now you have your very own signal to use for him just in case

He was very tempted to wrap you in bubble wrap and just carry you around like that

He LOVES your sweets, even more than Luke’s and Barbatos’

No matter the size, he loves them, mainly because you made them and it was made with love, just for him

It always makes him feel so warm inside, and he doesn’t feel his appetite gnawing at him like usual

No one is dumb enough to try anything with you both in his presence and not, unless they want to end up either a: deep into the ground or b: into his stomach

You just make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and he just loves everything about you. He just loves you

Belphegor

Hm, you look cute

For a human

Acts like he doesn’t care, but you’ve caught him blushing before (he still does it too)

Won’t outright admit that you’re charming in your own little way, but he does in his sarcastic way like usual

“MC, you’re such a half-pint. You’re like my personal sized teddy bear.”

Has cuddled with you like you were his personal teddy bear (and still does, but you don’t complain at all)

Has a secret sweet tooth and eat your desserts whenever you make it just for him (and he doesn’t even share it with Beel, that monster)

Demons just have to look Belphie in the eyes, watch him flex his claws, and they all of a sudden forget about whatever they were planning. Good

He hates that you look so fragile, but at the same time he kinda likes it

You just look so soft, and you’re just so kind

It makes him feel like he’s protecting and caring for you, and that makes him feel calm and peaceful

Please make sure that he’s okay MC, he’s scared that he’s gonna mess up again

Diavolo

The Prince of Hell is both surprised and pleased at your appearance

Do all humans look this charming or is it just you??

If someone as soft as you can survive living and going to school with demons, then this is great

Knew that you weren’t a doll, but still liked to admire you like one

Has asked more than once for pictures, you are just too enchanting!

Wants to have a portrait painted of you so he can hang it up in the castle

LOVES you baking for him! Loves when Barbatos does it too (even though it is kinda part of his job), but it feels different with you. It feels...domestic in a sense. Makes him feel like Diavolo, your friend and very interested in being your boyfriend, instead of Lord Diavolo, the prince that will be residing over Hell in the future

No one would be foolish enough to hurt you. If someone was, they wouldn’t even get the chance to lift a finger before they were directly dealing with him. Don’t take his kindness for weakness, he still is a demon after all, the future King of Hell to be exact

Was scared of touching you at first, but quickly grew out of it! He can handle his own strength, and you guys also have a signal to use just in case he does squeeze a little too tight

Will want to dress you up in royal clothes (if you were okay with it). Nothing is wrong with your current style, as a matter of fact it suits you! He basically just wants to play a fancy game of dress up/have a fashion show with royal clothing

Will take 100s of photos, no exaggeration

Asmo will be jealous, so be warned

Plus, he wants to know how his future lover/ruler would look in a crown so he can start taking measurements. You can never be too ready, right MC?

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