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silentcryracha · 10 months

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❍ ‗ Big Boy (L. Minho) ‗ ❍

Pairing : f reader x Minho

Summary : You see your boyfriend shirtless for the first time in a while and realize he got buff in the meantime

Genre/warnings : pure smut (kinda soft bc I can't help myself), 18 + ONLY, unprotected sex, m oral receiving, reader is called kitty a few times (not big on the term but by now it's Minho's, just replace it with baby if you feel like it)

Word count : 1.5k

A/n : Inspired by this set of gifs because I'm actually on the floor as we speak, no thots just drool

ps: There could be errors. Do NOT repost on other socials. Leave feedback if you feel like it, otherwise enjoy! ♡︎

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The bathroom was completely steamed up as you entered, making you huff slightly.

"It's so hot in here" you said, then immediately stopping in your tracks as you took in the image of your boyfriend.

He was quietly standing in front of the full length mirror, only wearing a towel around his hips as he dried his hair with the hairdryer. He noticed you come in thanks to the reflection, turning off the noise and looking back at you.

"What was that?" his tone calm and casual, as if he wasn't looking like a literal marble sculpture come to life. You rested your hands on your hips, borderline annoyed at the fact that somehow you missed your boyfriend changing so much.

"When the hell did you get so buff?" Minho couldn't help but smirk at your words, slowly putting away the hairdryer to give you his full attention.

"Don't know, since I started working again with the PT, I guess." he spoke, walking closer like a cat that was about to catch his prey.

"You must've exploded in the last couple of weeks because there's no way that I didn't notice, with all the times that we've seen each other naked" you raised you eyebrows, placing your hands on his chest.

Minho's sly expression didn't falter, if anything became even more mischievous as your hands started to roam from his upper chest, to his shoulders, biceps.

"To be fair we were a bit too busy fucking to clearly take each other in. I've been so busy lately that we didn't even manage to take a shower together." his tone was so casual even saying the most dirty things sometimes that it made you blush.

"Whatever the reason, I won't let you out of my sight again, Lee Minho" your eyes looking up at him flirtatiously, while your hands slowly made their way lower towards his tummy. He sustained your gaze, his brown eyes intense as ever.

"How do I know that my kitten will not overlook me again?" the condescension in his voice instantly shifted the mood, sending shivers of excitement down your spine.

You decided to play his game, sliding lower and lower until you were kneeling on the ground. Hands on his hips, just lightly gripping the hem of the towel that was holding on for deal life to his shower-clean body.

"I'm so sorry. Will you let me make it up to my baby?" Your eyes still fixed on each other as you spoke. You waited for his spoken permission, even though the growing tent underneath the towel fabric was enough of an answer.

"I'll decide later. Wanna see how sorry you are, first" his cherry red hair fell a little on his eyes as his head was bent down, which made his gaze even darker somehow.

"I'll try my very best" the towel finally dropped to the ground with just a little tug from your fingers, revealing his hard cock. His abs tightened for a second as you took him into both of your hands, starting to move them up and down slowly but firmly, making it hard for Minho to not choke on air.

He tried to hide the noise by clearing his throat, simultaneously placing his right hand on your head, without forcing it, but merely resting there. You took it as a sign to take a step further, opening your mouth to take his cock, sucking on the tip.

His fingertips lightly grabbed at your scalp, but luckily, or not, for him, you had decided to take your sweet time. So instead you removed one hand from his dick to interlace your fingers with his, guiding his hand away from your head to his side.

He must've found it amusing, since he released a faint chuckle as he decided to let you lead for once, placing both hands behind his back.

For some reason, his sudden willingness to give up his usually dominant demeanor pushed you to try and do even better, desperately wanting to prove yourself to him. Your mouth opened even more as you took him deeper, his tip touching the back of your throat.

"Shit, my baby is really trying her best for me, isn't she?" he groaned, the humor in his voice never completely overshadowed by the arousal. The praise made you hum against him, which also made his hips buck onwards, making you gag a bit.

It wasn't exactly a mistake since he just kept going, with a steady pace, not thoroughly fucking your throat, but making sure that you gagged a bit at every stroke. Your head went still as you let him use you however he wanted, making the strokes of your hand on his cock almost automatic.

Tears prickled the corner of your eyes as your nails lightly dug into the flesh of his ass cheeks, making him hiss.

"Alright enough- I need to fuck you" Minho pulled back, releasing himself from your mouth and then bending down to reach for your face with his hands. His lips crashed with yours, immediately initiating a sloppy and messy kiss that was all teeth, tongue and lip biting.

Your hands gripped his arms for stability as he started to undress you, pulling down your pants and underwear in one go, and then interrupting the kiss to slip off your shirt too.

What he did after though, was unexpected, as he gripped your thighs and effortlessly picked you up, making you instinctively wrap your legs around him.

"Minho!" you gasped at his strength. He was always quite strong even when he didn't have as many muscles, but at least he looked like he did struggle just a little bit. But now, you could've easily been a sack of flour and it wouldn't have made a difference to him.

"You thought that they were just for aesthetic?" he laughed at you, crashing his lips to yours one more time before throwing you on the soft bed. Minho didn't waste time as he put two of his fingers, his pointer and middle, in your mouth.

"I'm sure you're wet enough, but just to make sure" he murmured, a glimmer of humor in his dark eyes. You eagerly did as you were told, sucking on his fingers and bobbing your head slightly too, just like you were doing moments before on his cock.

He groaned, too horny to let you continue your actions. He removed his fingers from your mouth, moving them south to rub up and down your slit. At the same time he leaned down to leave sloppy kisses to your neck, your arms wrapping around his neck and your hips bucking up.

"Such a good kitty for me. My good girl" he murmured against your skin, eliciting a hum from you that quite literally sounded like a purr. But of course it wouldn't be Minho without a whiplash, so he suddenly bit your shoulder, grazing it with his teeth and making you gasp.

"A good kitty that should remember to show love to her boyfriend, next time" his tone wasn't serious at all, but your response was. In addition, two of his fingers were now pumping in and out of you, getting you ready for him properly.

"So sorry, baby- ah, I'll make it up to you, I love you so much" he just chuckled at your desperate words, deciding to end both of your suffering as he removed his fingers from your pussy, replacing them with his cock instead.

"I know baby, I know" his voice much more softer, in stark comparison with the fairly quick strokes of his hips. "I know my baby loves me very much, I love you too" he continued.

Your legs wrapped around him, essentially pushing him deeper into you. Your mouth latched to his as you both moaned. It wasn't unusual to get these sweet moments with Minho, but his dominant side tended to show more in bed.

He just wanted to make sure that he knew that you loved him. That you found him attractive and cared for him, regardless of a few centimeters more or less to his biceps.

The new angle of his hips made sure that your clit rubbed on his pubic bone, which quickly got you to your orgasm. You moaned his name breathlessly as you came, lightly dragging your nails on his back. This action in addition to your walls getting impossibly tight around his cock made him come too.

Minho stilled for a few seconds as he came inside you, and made sure to gently ride out both of your orgasms afterwards. Unexpectedly, you turned your head to the side, leaving a teasing but gentle bite to his bicep, as his arms were caging you.

"You look really hot, by the way, if it wasn't obvious" voice dangerously teasing. Minho got his head up from your shoulder, looking at you with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

"Careful or we might stay here all day, kitten" he responded, to then gently leave a kiss on your lips. "Thank you, by the way. Next time you can come see them in the making, if you want." he added, his head nudging to his arms.

You chuckled, still keeping him close as you moved some sweaty hair from his forehead. "I'd love to"

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

#stray kids fanfic #my writing #silentcryracha #skz hard hours #skz imagines #skz smut #stray kids hard thoughts #stray kids lee know #stray kids x you #stray kids smut #stray kids scenarios #stray kids minho #lee minho smut #lee minho #skz lee know #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #lee know smut #skz drabbles

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a-fandom-reimagined · 7 months

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EVERYTHING. | RHYSAND X SIBLING!READER | TAMLIN X READER

♡ summary: rhysand struggles to come to terms with his younger sister and only living blood relative being mated to the man whose destroyed his family. ♡ type: angst | no trigger warnings! | word count: 1361 ♡ author's note: um...i don't remember a ton about these books. i've only read the first two and i'm overdue for a reread. plus, i have no idea what i was doing with the latter half of this fic. i just didn't know how to end it so when i reread the books i'll probably come back and re-write this. so sorry if you don't like it. i hope you enjoy though.

"I won't have it. This must be some mistake…a joke of some kind. Some sort of foul--"

"You'll wear a hole into the rug brother, please--"

"I. Will. Not. Have. It," he hissed.

His face was just inches from your own. His glare alone might have sent anyone else scurrying from the room like vermin, but you were not anyone else. And there was little he could do to scare you now.

"What will you do then? Wage war on the Spring Court? Lock me up? You basically already have! And let me tell you something, brother, your reasoning is no better than his was when he did it to Feyre."

Rhys backed away from you, his eyes--your mother's eyes--far away and distant at the suggestion. You could practically see the gears in his mind turning.

You ground your teeth together so hard they whined. He wasn't even listening to you anymore. But you wouldn't be silent. You'd been silent for months now and it's brought you nothing but anguish. You launched yourself in front of him, halting his damned pacing. "You've been saying this for a month. Pacing and plotting and planning for a month to no avail. There's nothing you can do."

"Like hell there isn't!"

"If there were you would have figured it out by now. He is mine and I am his. And there is nothing you can do about it so stop your pacing and in peace let me go to him--"

Rhys' eyes widened. His face a mask of fury, hurt, and betrayal. And it was all your fault… "Go to him? Y/N, you should be standing with me trying to find a way to fix this! Have you forgotten what he did to our mother? To our sister? What he would have done to you that night had he been given the chance?!"

You flinched so hard he may as well have struck you. Tears filled your eyes and your own dark power chased the light from your brother's study. "Oh please! As if I could have forgotten! As if I wouldn't have chosen any other man if given the choice--

"So--

Your brother's face smooths and after a month he is finally himself again. "I… Y/N we do not--"

"--and I was not given a choice, Rhys. Have you ever stopped to think about what this has done to me? About how humiliating this has been for me? My heart yearns for a man who has my mother, father, and sister's blood on his hands. A man who I even now cannot imagine myself trusting. I do not even know him and every minute of every hour of every day my very blood calls to be reunited with him and I hate it! My friends, my court, my High Lord, and Lady look upon me with disgust. And I do not blame them."

"Spare me," you tell him with a tight, sad smile. "And let me go to him. With your blessing."

"I don't know how. You are all I have left and he's taking you from me. He's taking my family from me. Again."

"He's not taking anyone. Not this time."

Silence filled the room. And in your mind it would either crush you both or he'd send you back to your room forcing you to take Feyre and Mor up on their offer to spring you. They didn't like Tamlin and mate or no mate, bond or no bond they didn't understand what you were feeling. Not for him. But they were willing to help anyway.

"I'm sending you with guards. And if he doesn't like it…"

It took you a moment to realize what he was saying. Your hands shook and your heart lifted. "I will speak to him." Confusion flickered across your brother's face. You couldn't blame him. It was strange for you too. You'd only seen Tamlin twice in your life and nothing you've ever heard about him has been positive. And the only conversations you've had were the ones through the bond that only served as further proof of what you were to each other. And yet the sway you already held over him was substantial to say the least. Already he'd vowed to try and make peace--if such a thing could ever be had--with your family. He'd apologize to Rhys and Feyre if it meant you'd come home to him.

Home.

For as long as you'd been alive home had always been here in Velaris. Before Tamlin the thought of leaving had never even crossed your mind. This was home. It always had been. Now it never would be again.

"Fine," Rhys said through gritted teeth. "Six months."

"What?"

"I give you six months with him and then you're coming home. That should be more than enough time to get this…whatever it is out of your system."

Down the bond Tamlin still raged and you comforted him as best you could.

Through the bond your mate's patience snapped almost audibly so. Up the bond he roared and raged at your brother. Slipping in and out of his animal form as he paced the halls of the lovely manor you'd only heard about in your High Lady's stories of her time with the High Lord of the Spring.

Six months.

It wasn't enough.

No amount of time would ever be enough. But it was a start.

Rhys was trying and in all honesty he didn't have to.

But he was.

For you.

You wouldn't be needing your High Lady's intervention after all…

You wrapped arms around his neck and wept into his night black and gold threaded tunic. "I'm sorry."

He held you tight, squeezing you as if for the very last time. "Don't be. I love you, Y/N."

Guards.

Rhysand said he would send you to the Spring Court with guards. Instead your brother had gathered a small arm. Cassian's very best. It was embarrassing. Humiliating. You were no less powerful than your older brother. You could level these lands and shatter the fragile minds of everyone in them if you needed to. But still you did not complain.

You were going to see Tamlin today. For the first time in a month, you'd be able to touch him, breathe him in, see him up close. Hear his voice in your ears instead of your mind. It was a good day.

You surveyed the grounds of Tamlin's manor with great interest. It so different...compared to the night court. Your palm sweated in your brother's hand. The temperature was balmy and cool, the air sweet on your tongue. You'd never seen grass so lush nor skies so blue. It would be easy to call this place home, you'd decided. If only for six months.

You danced from foot to foot unable to keep still. You fidgeted with the beaded waistline of your gown. Rhys squeezed your hand and Feyre took hold of your free one. Her grip was warm and steadying but nothing could put you at ease now.

You met her gaze, "Breathe," she told you.

You nodded but breath did not come easy to you. You felt as if there were a boulder sitting on your chest.

And then you saw him.

He was beautiful.

You'd expected guards. According to rumor Tamlin's warband was nothing to scoff at but he came alone in a loose white shirt, black trousers and riding boots. The baldric strapped to his chest free of weapons.

Rhys wasn't the only one trying it would seem.

A breeze sweept his long blond hair from one shoulder to the other and he seemed to bathe in the golden noonday sunshine as he approached.

Stunning.

You hadn't really gotten a good look at him before. But now.

Your stomach tightened and you locked your knees, planting your feet firmly into the earth to keep from launching yourself at him.

Rhys didn't say anything as he led you forth, forcing Feyre to release your hand.

Tamlin stopped a good distance a way. Hands locked behind his back. "Rhys. Feyre," he said by way of greeting. But he didn't look at them. Tamlin only had eyes for you and you for him. "Y/N."

Inches separated of space separated you. It was the closest you'd ever been to one another. You'd never noticed the flecks of gold in his emerald green eyes…

"She's all I have left, Tamlin." Rhys gritted out. "And it doesn't please me to do so but I am entrusting her safety to you."

"Me and the small platoon you've sent with her," he quipped.

"Can you blame me?"

Tamlin's eyes finally left yours and met your brother's. "No."

"If she comes back with so much as sun burn I will grind you and everyone you’ve ever met to do dust.”

“You don’t have to—“

She’s everything to me, Tamlin. Everything.”

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queenquinzel715 · 8 months

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Pt 1 2. Half Orc Captain Hamal

Brief SA/Suicide warning

Word count 1,832

(Y/n) pov

Ever since I could remember I've always worked, but when my parents died it tripled. I had to pay for the house they left me, which is falling apart. I lived next to the main tavern in town, so it only made sense to take the job as bar maiden. Every night I serve all different creatures along with humans, so it can be a lot more rambunctious than people are used to. During the day I try to fix my home, but can only get so much done with the four hours before I have to leave.

Today starts like every other. I eat, then start hammering the boards to the wall. I'm halfway through the main wall when someone bangs on my door. I keep hold of the hammer as I answer the door. The King's guard is standing there with three of his followers. You see they just run the town how they see fit, and that meant tormenting the poor people that live here.

"We've gotten complaints of this eye sore." His voice tries to boom, but I swear he's pushing it too hard.

"Oh I'm sorry. I'm trying to work as fast as I can, but it's only me." I plead.

"Well no wonder. A woman can't build a fire let alone fix a house." He and his group laugh at what he believes to be a joke.

"Well if that's all I'm gonna get back to work." I try to shut the door, but he moves his way inside.

"When I say complaints I mean they want this hole gone." He looks around the small house as two if his followers come inside with him. "However I can ignore this eyesore for some simple payment." He smirks at me, his eyes look down to me gripping the hammer tighter.

Before I could blink he ripped the hammer out of my hand, and threw it across my kitchen. I try to run to the backdoor. Of course he grabs me, but by the back of my hair. He uses my hair as a guide to move me to the couch my father built, throwing me face first onto it. With my dress getting ripped, to them tying my hands to the armrests, and them laughing as they grabbed at me I black out. I still see, feel and hear everything that is going on. I just lay there, helpless. Once they are done I'm cut from the armrest, and left there with one leg hanging off the side, my face in the cushion, and the sharp pain in between my legs. With some miracle strength I sit up gasping at the pain shooting through my whole body. I look around what's called my home, but now it's nothing but a nightmare. A reminder of death, pain of loss, pain of force, and just pain of work. I sit there for I don't know how long before I realize it's dark. I take a deep sigh as I gather myself to grab the pieces of dress on the floor.

Something seems to snap in my brain as I slowly stand on my feet as I look around. I go to the closet where I keep my clothes, and grab a random dress. Once it's somewhat on I give one last look before leaving, and walking through this awful town. My daze-like eyes scan the town, and the forest as I walk ahead. I feel the forest floor poke at my feet.

Hamal pov

Everyone is laughing, cheering their drinks, overall having a good time. I look around the tavern for a certain (h/c) bar maid. I was actually going to talk to her this time. I've had enough of my own men making their own practical jokes about me. It's getting dark out, when I notice she still isn't here. I'm lifting my beer to my lips as Talen, a werewolf that has been on my crew for years, comes hurling through the people with a worried look on his face.

"There's something wrong with (y/n)."

"What do you mean?" I immediately sit up, slamming my beer mug down.

"I saw her walking in the town with this off look, and when I got close I smelt blood, and different human smells. When I came here she was heading to the woods." He hurries out.

I don't even respond, I just run out of the tavern to the woods. I can smell her blood like it's an arrow. I see a clearing up ahead, but when I come through I see my (h/c) haired barmaid standing on the cliff.

"(Y/n) don't!" I try to get her attention, but she jumps.

(Y/n) pov

I heard a deep voice yell at me, but it's too late. I'm hearing wind in my ears blocking everything out. My body crashes with the cold water making me lock up. I open my eyes to see the bubbles clear as I sink lower. I'm almost to the ground when my chest tightens. As my body makes contact with the ground I see two long cloud-like things swim around in a circle above me. I'm in awe as they come closer, and see half human octopus, and a mermaid. They grab my arms, swimming me to the top, making me gasp for air. I'm coughing as I'm squinting my eyes at them while they hold me up.

"You stupid girl! Why would you do that?" The octopus woman firmly talks.

"Octia please the poor thing doesn't need you berating her for her choices. Let's just get her to Kelim. Hopefully he can get all the water out of her lungs." The mermaid tries to reason.

I feel tentacles wrap around my waist, and arms around my shoulders guiding me to the small cave that was under the cliff. We go through a portal of some kind like pushing through a thin sheet. I'm placed on a dock with the mermaid sitting next to me.

"I'm sorry." I say softly as I black out.

I go in and out of consciousness. At one point I'm in a tent, the next a man is upside down looking at me, another I'm alone, but the final time I wake up I'm surrounded by a group of women, some with worried faces, some with curiosity, and some just looking at me. They gasp all at once, but the mermaid that helped me moves away. I stay just how I am until I see a man look over a woman's head.

"Good, you're awake. You gave the girls a fright." I just look at him. "I'm Kelim the doctor of this island, if you will. Sadly we don't know why you jumped, but you have a lot to learn. I got the water out of your lungs." He helps me sit up.

"Why would they help me?" I finally ask.

"Well I saw you jump, and Nixie felt your sadness. She says she felt something wanting to hold you." Octia answered.

I deeply sigh as I look at the cabin we were in, and how the water women are able to be inside from a small pool in the floor.

Hamal's pov

My men have kept their distance as we load up the ship. You could say I've been in a harsh mood these past couple of weeks, would be an understatement. I watched the woman I cared for deeply jump to her death, and I have a deep imagination of why. Talen was able to sniff out which scent it was, and found three of the King's guards as the owners. I take them to the forest, and let my men do as they wished with them as I sat on the edge of the cliff.

"We're all loaded up sir." A demon crewman softly tells me.

We set sail through the deep sea. It doesn't take long for a storm to come through. My life has just plummeted. The storm gets rougher as we try to fight the currents. As waves push and pull my ship I see what look like arms moving the waves. I glide as much as I can with the wind, and waves. My ship evens it as the wind dies down, but it's going to close to rocks. My men are pointing at things in the water. I see men and women merfolk push the ship in the direction of the land. My men start to shout, but when the elves are trying to calm everyone down.

"It's a portal. Relax!'' They yell to the others.

A portal? Why are they taking us there? We go through the portal to a whole other world full of different creatures. I point to the anchor to signal I'm stopping, and yell to the men to drop anchor. I watch from my wheel as my men jump from the sides to meet with the others. I watch as merfolk go onto land, crowding this certain cave.

I ignore it, thinking that it is their home, but when I see (h/c) hair come up from the water of the cave. My hands drop to the ship's railing, gripping it to the point of almost breaking it. The merfolk women move her to the front. I get a better look at my barmaid that has fins coming from out of her head. I watch her in complete awe like if I blinked she'd be gone. She moves with so much elegance as she moves in the water. I quickly grab a net as she gets to the ship's side. I pull her over the edge, finally having her in my arms.

"I watched you jump." I couldn't believe she's here.

"I…I know. Nixi, Octia, and Kelim helped me get my tail." She turns to the group of merfolk women. "I have a family again." She seems to be talking mostly to herself, but it makes me smile. "I heard you yell." She turns to me in a timid voice.

"I couldn't lose you, but I understand why." I sit on the bench I have behind my wheel. "One of my men, Talen, saw you walk through the town, and saw how dazed you were. Also since he's a werewolf he smelt…" I stop myself from saying anymore."Sadly I was too late." I lean my head against the side of hers. "I've watched you every night since I docked in that dreadful town. How you'd serve so many people with that darling smile, and even with my rambunctious crew, you laughed." I chuckle at a memory from my crew members falling off a table trying to dance on top. "I just couldn't keep my eyes off of you, and now I don't think I ever will." I look down at her tail causing her to giggle.

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incorrectnevermoor · 1 year

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Hey there! I've seen some really negative comments on Jupiter as a parent figure, and I thought I'd get your feedback. Someone said he's doing poorly because he doesn't have enough time for Morrigan and he should realize this and find her a proper adoptive family. Their thoughts are that he is repeatedly hurting her by keeping her in her current situation and trying so hard to get her into a school that doesn't treat her right.

I don't know, I have a hard time seeing him that negatively. I think he is doing his best in the best way he knows how, and nobody is so perfect that they don't learn things by trial and error. I think Mog would be sad if she had to go live with somebody else. Maybe Jupiter isn't always around, but the rest of the Deucalion family is there for her, so she does have a good family. Idk, I just can't bring myself to think that terribly about Jupiter.

Thoughts?

First thing’s first: I know I have a couple asks I haven’t answered in my inbox right now but this one had to take precedence because I am a Jupiter defender first and a person second, really these are extenuating circumstances.

SECONDLY: my friend. My buddy. Mate. I agree with you wholeheartedly, you are 100% right.

From the first time we meet him in nevermoor to the last time we’ve seen him in hollowpox, the man has been doing his damnest to help Mog in any way he can. Does he keep secrets? Yes, but as I see it, that’s just another way he’s trying to protect her, some information isn’t exactly good for one’s self esteem or comfortable for people (especially children) to know. Is it the best choice? Probably not, considering Mog’s a very curious child, but Jupiter isn’t a dad, from what we know his whole experience having kids under his wing has been Jack for who knows how long and idk if anyone noticed but he is, in fact, very different from Morrigan, so Jupiter is kind of going in blind here!

The fact is, actually, that he’s defended Morrigan more times than we probably know of, and he’ll keep doing so because he loves her to bits. Has he been busy? Yes, he’s a helping soul with a lot of titles and a knack that’s probably very useful in knowing who’s lying and who might know something. Did he force Mog into wunsoc? Not really, if anyone here remembers, Mog was actually really excited to join, albeit also very anxious because trauma. The school doesn’t treat her right? This is something even miss Cheery couldn’t fix, and she was in charge of Morrigan’s education from the beginning! Matter of fact, as soon as he found out how Mog was being treated, he went out of his way to show her not all wundersmiths are bad, that Onstald was biased, AND he made the headmistress change her schedule! I bet you he raised hell for that last one, don’t you think?

I will keep typing because I am properly incensed right now, does anyone think that Morrigan would realistically prefer to live with someone else at the moment? Truly? Or would she feel like she was being pawned off because she did something wrong again and feel abandoned, AGAIN? She’s finally got people who care for her, who defend her, who she sees as family, and that’s because of Jupiter.

Being a parent is, in part, knowing when to push your kid towards what’s best for them and when to let them choose to give up, that’s what Jupiter Amantius North did with the Trials and anyone who says differently can meet me at the Denny’s parking lot so we can fight about it.

#i am not afraid to fight a minor #especially for my MAN #i wrote this in a fit of incandescent rage #I genuinely believe that I was possessed for a moment there #nevermoor #wundersmith #hollowpox #morrigan crow #jupiter north #not a quote

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aaa-battery-not-rechargeable · 5 months

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sending a confession?? Of some kind??? It's kinda long sorry.

Lately, for the past few years, I've been questioning my sexuality. I can appreciate people's good looks, but for men specifically, I felt ill at the thought of even dating them. Naturally, the next thing in my young brain that made sense was that I was a lesbian. Which was fine at the time, but I realized that I felt the same way with them, too. Not to the same extreme, but I didn't really fully imagine myself loving them romantically either. If I ever thought that my attraction to someone could lead to a relationship, I felt sick regardless of gender. At the time, I didn't know that being aromantic was an option. So I spent the later years forcing myself in the box of being either lesbian or bi, thinking that if I somehow believed hard enough, I could be like my peers. Into men (Since I was a girl) or being into women (since I have to like someone, right?). After learning about aromanticism, I finally felt like I could understand a part of myself. Of course it wasn't without difficulties. I still felt so alienated from my friends, who kept talking about romance and boys, trying to get me into the conversation. Even family started bugging me about when i would find "the one." I kept brushing them off, but I felt so lonely that I thought going back to lying to myself would fix it. Even now, that I fully accepted that part of me, I still think sometimes that something is wrong with me. But looking through tags, blogs, videos made me realize I'm not alone. So I'm getting better about it. Sorry for the long ask, I felt like getting it off my chest to someone who didn't personally know me. You don't have to respond or anything if you got this far, I just thought you were a nice person to do it with. :3

thank you for trusting me with your story, anon <2

i think it's an experience a lot of aros relate to, so you're not alone at all in your journey. i'm so glad you were able to find an online community of people like this

i hope it's okay that i post this, i just think it's something people may benefit from seeing, maybe this will help someone else realize they're not alone either

godspeed and aro appreciation <2

#aromantic #aro #arospec #aspec #queer #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq+#lgbt pride #lgbtqiap+#lgbtq community #queer community

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ethaneldritch · 3 months

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I don't know how to write Kain.

(rant incoming, you have been warned)

Granted, I don't think I'm doing a very good job of writing Raziel either, but I've been talking with some LoK buddies, and there's a ton of nuances in Kain's characterization that I straight-up missed. I don't want to stray too far from canon, but it's really difficult to push his arc in the direction I want without breaking established precedents.

So like, an example:

Kain has been tainted with corruption since birth. He quite literally knows nothing but violence and sociopathy as ways to respond to situations. How do you even begin to remedy something like that, now that he's "healed"? What has changed? Is he just magically a nice person now? Heck no, that'd be completely unrealistic. But where do you draw the line between force of habit and "holy cow what have i done"?

According to my one friend (who's writing angst), there is no line. The crux of the problem is that he doesn't know how to respond in any other way but violence. He's desperate to remain in control, the only thing that's changed is he feels guilty about it now.

So, again: Where do you even begin "fixing" something like that?

Limbo Shepherds started out as primarily healing/fluff nonsense, and I had a vague plot for it to follow. But now that I actually have other eyes on my work, I can see the holes starting to show through and have no idea how to patch them.

I'm trying to balance my own wants for an imaginary sequel with stuff that would make sense canonically, but I'm now realizing just how difficult that is to pull off. My default perspective toward grimdark things is to inject levity, but it's tricky doing that here while still maintaining plausibility.

I'm finding LoK really hard to write for because there's so many little nuances you have to keep track of. Drop the wrong one, and the whole thing falls apart.

I think that's partially why I fixate on the lieutenants so much. There's just enough characterization to play off of without risking a "wrong" presentation. It's much easier to draw, say, Dumah in goofy socks than Kain. Because Kain just...wouldn't do something like that. And it'd be weird if he did. On the flip side, we don't have much info about how Dumah might feel toward goofy socks, so I feel much freer to mess with my interpretation of that.

I'm sure this is a thing in many fandoms (cue "he would not freaking say that!!" meme), but I think it's far more prevalent in LoK because everybody knows the source material like the back of their hand.

With larger fandoms, there seems to be a natural dilution of characterization simply because there's so many different perspectives going around. It's much harder to avoid an "uncanny" depiction of, say, Bort from HnK than Xiao from Genshin Impact, because any specificities of the latter are typically worn away as people play with interpretations.

I hope that makes sense...

Anyway, point being: I don't want to say I'm afraid of "messing up", because there's technically nothing to mess up in the first place. It's just fanfiction. I can literally do whatever I want.

But there does feel like there's this invisible pressure to get Kain's character "right", and I just can't seem to shake myself out of it.

#Monty musings #pretty sure this is just textbook Imposter Syndrome at work but I'm gonna make a confusing and lengthy rant about it anyway #enjoy #writing thoughts by yours truly

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mydigitaldiaryz · 19 days

Text

Entry Log #6

Lots of this is so offtopic, I just keep ranting about everything all at once.

TW; everything 😭

I've given up with my life. I don't care anymore. I can't bring myself to. Nothing is good about it, I can't enjoy it anymore. Everytime I remember that I am alive and breathing, it gives me this unfathomable guilt and distress that I have to keep on going, keep on breathing and moving on with life. I know time is a beautiful thing, it really is, but it hurts to realize it will keep on moving. The clock will always tick, and there's nothing stopping it. The time will pass anyways. And with each second, I'm wasting it. Spending every single minute of my life rotting away, every day I can feel myself getting older and more miserable and I just wish all of it would stop.

My life is nowhere near valuable, and I have wholeheartedly accepted that at this point. I just wish I could go back, take everything back and go live my life again, prove that this time, with this second chance, maybe I could truly do something better than whatever the hell I have going on right now. I wish I could know who the teen I could have been. I wish I could be them. They would've had such a bright future ahead of them. But they don't. And it breaks my heart to know that they never will.

I have no more cares for any of my relationships at this point. I wish they could realize that I really don't care, and we don't have much of a meaningful connection whatsoever. They don't realize how easy it is for me to ignore them, go months without having human interaction, forgetting so quickly about them. I understand how terrible that makes me of as a person, but I don't care anymore. Hell, it almost gives me some sort of happiness too. Pushing others away, even though people (probably) like to be around me. It gives me that sort of wanted feeling. A feeling I barely get to feel. And I love it. Maybe it's because it just makes me feel loved, knowing that my absence really does affect somebody. It makes me happy knowing that they're hurting without me.

I don't know why I enjoy hurting people too. It's some selfish behavior I inflict onto people, I try not to, but sometimes I'll slip up and end up hurting a person, even a loved one. It's always mentally. I enjoy mentally toying with somebody for my own gain. A means of entertainment. I'll lead somebody on, getting their attention and giving them such loving and kind actions, the most affection they probably have recieved in the whole life. I give them a person who they'd know is there for them, makes them all seen, heard, and loved. Then I'll go right ahead and slip right through their fingers, making them chase for me. Or, I'll be outright rude to them. Devastate them, causing so much inconviences and genuinely evil.

I don't know why I do what I do. And I don't really have any regrets on doing so. My actions are completely disgusting, but I can't help but feel apathetic. Of course, whenever I lead somebody on, I do (atleast most of it) mean all my loving things I give the person. I think it's because I just want to feel, again, needed. Give that person a special feeling of attention that they wouldn't ever get from somebody else. Be the one that makes them feel loved the most from and force them to chase after me. When I get bored of the chase, I'll probably come back to them and do it all over again. Or when they give up, it makes me bitter. Probably because it didn't go my way and pisses me off.

Remember, I've fixed my ways, and I do not do these types of things anymore, I'm a changed person and I refuse to do that to somebody now. I make sure of it, too. I don't leave now or lead somebody on, I make sure I mean all of it and prove it to them that I won't leave them. I won't make them chase after me.

But it's not like me being fixed now is going to do anything. I'm probably going to sever these silly relationships soon enough. I'm losing everything again after I tried so hard to keep it all together. All my motivation is running thin and there's really nothing else for me to do anymore. Plus, I'm sure nobody actually likes me anymore, (as if they ever did, lol).

Honestly, I have to catch a grip. My life is so pointless and it's not worth it anymore to keep on pretending that something is going to change. Because it never will. This feeling will never pass as I had originally hoped. These thoughts will never go away, my mind will never truly be at peace, and there's no worth of me being here. I hate knowing this. I hate it all. But most importantly, I really, really hate myself. I should just end it all soon enough.

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thechaoscryptid · 26 days

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🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

(ask me writer questions!)

I love this question! I have many thoughts on this and I'll try to make them coherent lmao. I'm pulling out my writing books for this too because in Gentle Writing Advice (pg. 199), Chuck Wendig pretty well summarizes my thoughts:

And therein lies the secret: Writer's block isn't all that bad. Because, if you really think about it, writer's block is sometimes like a warning light letting you know something is off. It is a tremor in the spider's web, or an ill wind blowing. It's doing us a service, as bad as it might feel. Think of writer's block as the voice of your intestinal flora, the choir of hypersentient bacteria in your gut that provides the insight of instinct. You can ignore them and push on - that's okay, too, as long as you fix in edit - and there's also nothing to say our instincts are uinversally correct. [...] My process in this regard needn't be your process: certainly there's value to mashing the accelerator and driving that machine as fast as you can till the thing either gets you over the finish line or explodes in a fiery ball before tumbling down a plot hole big enough to swallow Central Park. You can always fix it in subsequent drafts. The point stands, though, that writer's block isn't necessarily all bad. There's gold in them thar hills. The question is whether or not you can dig for it.

I think writer's block is unfairly maligned. That's my hot take on it. We should spend less time boohooing the fact we're blocked and more time figuring out why it's happening.

Throughout the above book, Wendig talks a lot about the writing process and how your life outside of writing relates to it, and there's also a great section that basically boils down to "block or breakdown," in which he posits that some of what writers consider "creative block" is actually something more serious (mental or physical illness, weird/wrong environment, etc).

Writer's block is my sign to check in with myself on both a writing and personal level to ask what's gone sideways. Sometimes I can push through it with an extra coffee and a little effort. More often, it's my sign to rest, chill out, cool my jets. Take a break for once.

In the same vein, low creativity!

AWFUL thing to experience. Terrible! The worst! There are fewer things I hate more than the times my creative well has turned to sludge and writing is a fucking slog.

And, like writer's block, realizing my well is running dry is a signal for me to stop, step back, and reassess.

I've actually been struggling really hard with both block and being creatively dry for like, four months now. I've been writing fuck all except 100 words of BG3 fic at a time on work breaks, and it's been rough.

What I have been doing?

Reading. A lot of reading, and analyzing style/structure/characterization to figure out what new elements I might be able to incorporate to a new creative project. I've been reading fantasy, sci-fi, classics, writing books, other nonfiction, books on myths - I'm really chewing through titles 😅

Resting. Not forcing myself to sit down and work on projects. I've actually avoided working on writing projects even on days I feel like I can or want to write.

Other creatively involved work. I've been cooking and baking more, as well as doing a lot of zine admin work. Shit that involves creative projects but doesn't necessarily involve creativity. I looooove creative-adjacent work for low creativity times!

Redoing old work. I'm talking like, rewriting and editing 5+ year old work from the ground up. You already have the raw material, and this is an easy, low-pressure way to get back in the saddle OR just keep those writing muscles limber (but also, you canNOT beat yourself up about "oh I was so bad how did anyone ever like this" that's not allowed).

Not putting pressure on myself to perform. This is a huge cause of creativity issues for me, ngl. But over the past two years or so, I've really been working hard at just allowing myself to create at my own pace. I feel, especially in fandom, people feel obligated to churn out content as quick as they can lest they get ignored and forgotten; learning to break out of that "gotta go fast" mentality has done WONDERS for not draining me as quickly, even if it still feels shitty to see more popular writers dropping a new 15k fic every week.

Slowly but surely, my creative well is refilling. My blocks are becoming fewer and farther between and when they do hit, I'm better prepared to know if it's something I can push through and fix later OR if it's something I really do need to sit back and consider.

So yeah!

I guess TL;DR my advice is basically (though easier said than done, I will admit):

Know thyself and thy limits

Step back, get your head clear, and assess

Do non-writing creative work that sparks joy

Remove yourself from the comparison game

#asks answered #monstersinthecosmos

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darkthingshappen · 2 years

Text

Whumptober: No. 1 A LITTLE OUT OF THE ORDINARY

This is a BROTHER'S KEEPER entry. Takes place later in the recapture arc.

I am not dead. Sorry for the long delay. I've been distracted in the main story line by @whumptober prompts. So here we go and we start off with a bang.

Warnings for blood, hand whump, religious imagery (mock crucifixion) and religious talk - this is because Volkov is a bastard, like always. and Ben is just trying to hang on to himself. Also, this one's a bit long, but tomorrow's is pretty short. LOL So let's just say I borrowed some of tomorrow's length and used it today.

Tagging List: @i-can-even-burn-salad @peachy-panic @deluxewhump @arwenadreamer @whumpcereal @melancholy-in-the-morning @dont-touch-my-soup @whumpsday @keeper-of-all-the-random-things @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @oddsconvert @melennui @susiequaz12 @morning-star-whump @crystalquartzwhump @whump-and-other-things @mylifeisonthebookshelf @reflected-pain @hold-him-down @quietshae @sparrowsage @quietly-by-myself @no-terms-and-conditions-apply (I hope I’m not forgetting anyone - please let me know if I am and I’ll fix it.)

As ALWAYS, thanks to the AMAZING @whumpcereal for the beta. And to my whumperful crew that always cheers me on: @oddsconvert and @sparrowsage as well as @quietly-by-myself. Y'all are the best!

Adverse Effects | Unconventional Restraints | "This wasn't supposed to happen"

“Do you remember telling me that I’m not God?” Volkov growled as he dragged Ben towards the far end of the basement torture room.

“Yes!” Ben spat back at him, “It’s still fucking true!”

Volkov smirked at the boy and threw him towards the wall. Ben stumbled from the force, and his shoulder with the broken collarbone slammed into the wall. He sank down to his knees with an agonized groan. Volkov reached down and yanked his hair back.

“See, I think you’re the one with the savior complex, Malyshka. And you know what so often happens to saviors?”

Ben could only groan. He grew tired of these games with Volkov. He just wanted him to get on with it.

“They get crucified,” Volkov growled with a gleam in his eye.

Ben’s eyes widened and he felt the blood drain from his face. “Wha-” He looked carefully at Volkov, trying to suss out what the man was planning. Something in Volkov’s expression told him he should be very afraid of what was coming this time. He wouldn’t actually crucify him, would he? Fuck yes, the sadist would. Ben was a fraction of a second too late to pull away and it’s not like he could get anywhere anyway on this island prison.

Volkov dragged Ben to his feet and shoved his back against a beam of wood that Ben hadn’t realized was there. The cuffs around his wrists were unlocked, and Dmitri stepped forward to help tie his torso to the beam.

Ben let his weight sag against the ropes. Why make it easy on these two fuckers? He knew better than to think they’d let him off easy if he didn’t fight. Volkov actually had to hold him up while Dmitri secured him.

Ben’s shoulder screamed as Dmitri yanked his arm up and stretched it out to the side. There was a sound of metal scraping across the table in the center of the basement room just in front of him, and Ben lifted his head.

He couldn’t believe what he saw.

“No fucking way! You can’t be serious!” Ben screamed at them while he started to thrash and struggle against Dmitri’s grasp.

Volkov had a hammer in his hand and several long, thick, cruel-looking metal nails. Or were they spikes? Ben didn’t want to know.

“Let go! Get off! No! You bastard. No!” Ben screamed as Dmitri pinned his arm in place and pressed Ben’s fingers open so he couldn’t make a fist. Ben wailed his agony as Volkov pressed the sharp end of one of the nails against the middle of his palm. He pushed in hard, twisting it against the soft flesh until blood streamed from the wound. Only after blood was dripping to the floor did Volkov raise the hammer.

Ben was being nailed to a fucking beam of wood. How was this happening? No one got nailed to crosses any more. But leave it to fucking Alexsei Volkov to find ways to further insult Ben and his beliefs by torturing him like this. He wouldn’t die. Ben knew Volkov wouldn’t let that happen; he needed Ben to suffer. Ben swiveled his head, even though he knew he shouldn’t and watched in horror.

Ben screamed even louder as the hammer came down and the nail punched through his hand. He yanked in reflex, trying to pull his hand away from the white hot torment. His back arched against the beam but the ropes held him in place as Volkov hit the head of the thick nail again and again and again. Ben could feel the nail moving through his hand as it was pounded into the wood.

His hand radiated pain from the center of his impaled palm outward to his fingertips. A throbbing that felt both burning hot and icy cold at the same time flowed up his arm. Each strike with the hammer was like the cresting of a new wave that grew more and more unbearable. In the back of Ben’s mind, he knew Volkov wouldn’t stop here. He’d do this to both of his hands. Was this something that would permanently cripple him? Would he ever be able to use his hands again?

Volkov suddenly changed the angle of the hammer, shifting so that he began bending the nail upwards. Every single strike of the hammer reverberated through the metal lodged in Ben’s hand. Volkov slammed the hammer against the nail until the head of the nail was turned back against Ben’s hand, pinning his pierced hand against the wood.

Ben gagged on the pain that washed through his body, retching up bile from his empty stomach. He groaned and thrashed as Dmitri turned and pulled his or arm taut out to the opposite side.

“No! Please! Please! It hurts. Let go! Please.”

“You’d think you’d be happy to have the same experiences as your God.”

Ben felt a sob break in his chest. Volkov had always been a bastard, but this was next level even for him. He’d tattooed religious imagery all over Ben’s back and he knew the man had been raised Eastern Orthodox, but clearly nothing had taken root. Like everything else, Volkov used Ben’s beliefs as a weapon. And fuck, it was effective. Ben felt the tears tracking down his cheeks and they weren’t just from the pain.

Ben squeezed his eyes shut and tried to suck in a breath before Volkov started on his next hand, but Volkov jammed the nail against the small of his palm and started twisting before Ben could finish. Ben’s cry started small and the scream rose in intensity as Volkov worked to push the nail through his skin without the hammer. He felt the metal grinding against the small bones in his hand, felt them stretching and moving to accommodate the thickness of the nail. He felt the give of skin as the nail punctured his hand completely.

Volkov gave a small gasp of satisfied effort before he raised the hammer and repeated the process. When they were done nailing Ben’s hands and curling the nails up so that he couldn’t pull his hands off the metal, they untied the ropes. Ben whimpered as his hands took his weight and he realized he’d have to stand there, arms outstretched for as long as Volkov wanted him to. His broken collarbone throbbed and his shoulder ached, but it was nothing compared to the burning, intense throbbing that emanated from his hands.

Volkov grabbed his hair and yanked his head back against the rough upright post of the wood.

“Be glad I don’t fucking feel like nailing your feet right now. Piss me off again and that may not be the case. Now, let’s see how much damage we can do over the next say… sixteen hours or so. Might make it longer. I’ll just have to see what you sound and look like - whether or not I’m satisfied.” He quirked a lopsided grin at Ben. “Tell me, where is your God right now? Why is he so silent? Why doesn’t he come down here himself and get you out of this? If he’s so all powerful, and he cares so much about you, little scholar, then why has he given you to me twice now? Hmm? Think about that while you’re down here.”

“God is love. And you will never understand that. It’s why you can’t beat him,” Ben whispered through clenched teeth. Volkov’s words ate at Ben because he was right, but Ben still fought. He knew that Jesus had gone through much more than he had and, if the story was true, he’d done it for everyone. Ben hoped it was true at that moment. He really did. Because, if it was, then he could hold on and not let Volkov beat him. “All you know is fear and hatred. He’s so much better than you.”

Volkov looked Ben up and down, expression thoroughly unimpressed, letting his eyes linger on the blood dripping down into little pools on the floor beneath Ben’s hands. “Yes, clearly he is merciful and loving. I can see the ringing truth in those words.” He patted Ben’s cheek and smiled a wicked smile. “See you in a few hours, little Benjamin.”

*!*!*!*!*

Ben had no way of deciphering how many hours it had been; maybe it had been over a day. His hands and arms burned. His legs cramped and the muscles spasmed. There was no relief or comfortable position. Sweat dripped down his body. His broken collar bone throbbed mercilessly in his shoulder.

Hour after hour, the torment dragged on until he couldn’t hold himself up anymore and it hurt to even breathe. His hands held most of his weight as he fought to keep himself upright, knowing that if his knees truly gave out, the nails would rip through his hands.

All the long while, the torture room was hot and dark; Ben couldn’t believe that he actually missed Volkov’s frigid compound, but he did. But just as before, the lights were left off, and Ben could see or hear nothing from the outside world. He wondered what they were doing to Jake. Was his brother sleeping, being tortured and abused? Was he with Dmitri? Or maybe Volkov? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know, but he did wish they would let them see each other more often. It was usually only when one or both of them was being hurt. It was hard to see Jake in pain. Ben knew that Jake thought he deserved it, that he wanted to atone for what had happened to Ben, but Ben would have given anything to keep Jake from suffering the things he already had.

But Ben had never suffered like this before.

He couldn’t keep Volkov’s taunts, his cruel and blasphemous words, from worming into his brain. The words played over and over and he felt not quite doubt, but maybe mistrust of the God he claimed to love creeping in.

Why? Why would God allow this to happen? The question raged in Ben’s mind even though he tried so hard to shove it back down. Ben wasn’t afraid of doubt. He’d had it before. He liked questions. He wanted to be a scientist after all. But this level of cruelty, while believing that God is love was a hard contrast. The only thing that helped it to make sense was that God has allowed his own son to go through this too. But Ben wasn’t trying to redeem the fucking world. So why was he having to suffer like this? What was the point? Ben couldn’t find a good answer and it made all of his pain so much worse.

After what seemed like days, there was a commotion at the far end of the room, near where the door was. Ben heard Volkov’s voice along with several sets of footsteps.

“I told you I would take you to him. He’s been meditating… getting closer to his God. Communing with him, if you will. What is it the Bible says? ‘To know Him… and the fellowship of his sufferings.’ Well, I’ve just given him the chance to fully understand this. Go on, he’s at the far end of the room. I left the hammer there, should you need it.”

It made Ben sick to hear scripture from Volkov’s lips.

“Hammer… you fucking bastard. You didn’t. You couldn’t…”

Ben closed his eyes, trying to escape a wave of pain. Jake was there. Jake was going to see him like this.

There was a resounding slap that echoed back to Ben, still hanging in the shadows.

“I suggest you be a bit more respectful unless you want to join him like the thief on the cross. We all know you have things you could atone for.”

There was no response from Jake that Ben could hear, but he knew that Volkov’s words would wound Jake deeply.

So did Volkov. “Go on, big brother. Run along and be the savior we all know you’ll never actually be.”

There was a shuffling of feet and then running. “Ben? Benny? You okay?”

Ben could barely lift his head. All his energy was focused on breathing, and not letting his legs give out beneath him. HIs mouth was dry. His tongue felt hot and thick in his mouth. He didn’t think he could talk even if he wanted to. Part of him did want to call out to Jake, but he was just so tired. And so fucking hurt.

He didn’t see Jake come into view. He couldn’t lift his head to face him.

“Jesus! Benny! Fuck! Hang on, Benny. Hang on. I’ll get you down. Hold on, buddy. God, please. Help me.”

Jake reached for Ben’s hand, his fingers exploring the nail and cursing more when he saw that it was curved upward and pounded back into the wood.

“Fucking bastard!” Jake growled. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ll get you down. I’m sorry.”

Ben could hear the tears in Jake’s voice. Everything felt sluggish, and he couldn’t make his mouth work to tell Jake it was okay. Was it okay? It wasn’t okay. Everything hurt, and his whole body was shaking. He was going to lose his battle to stay upright in just a moment. He could feel it. The shaking was getting so bad. The cramps and spasms in his legs, arms, and back were threatening to completely overwhelm him. Something cold came in contact with the top of his hand.

“Hold still, Benny. I’m so fucking sorry if this hurts. I don’t know what else to do,” Jake said with a sob.

Ben screamed as the nail was wrenched backward and then up and out of his hand. He slumped forward, and Jake caught him, but all Ben’s remaining weight went to his left hand and he cried out against Jake’s shoulder.

“I know. I know. I know. God! Fuck I’m sorry. I know. I’m trying, Benny. Hold on. Almost done.”

There was another loud screeching noise as the nail was bent back and pulled out of the wood through Ben’s other hand. Jake only just managed to catch Ben and help him slowly sink to the ground. Jake shifted, pulling them both towards the wall, Jake’s backside and Ben’s feet dragging through the puddle of blood on the floor. Jake got the wall against his back and draped Ben across his lap, cradling Ben’s curled hands near his chest.

Jake’s legs shook beneath Ben’s body. He hoped Ben didn’t notice; Jake had to be brave enough for them both just now.

Ben was crying again. He cried a lot here. Especially when it got bad. And this was one of the worst. It wasn’t just the torture. It was all the psychological manipulation. Jake knew Volkov must have said something to Ben. Ben lay there sobbing into Jake’s chest. He kept his ruined hands held loosely in front of him. Jake tried not to stare, but they shook violently, blood dripping from Ben’s open wounds.

“Shhh. Shhh… It’s okay, Benny. It’s over. I got you. I got you, buddy. I got you, little bro.”

“Why?” Ben said the one question he truly didn’t have an answer to. Volkov was right. Why would God let this happen? The question had twisted into him like the nails in his hands over the duration of his torment.

“Why what, Benny?”

“Why would God let this happen?”

Jake thought for a moment, his hand moving gently through Ben’s hair. “You know why?”

“I don’t think I do. Not anymore.”

“Come on, Ben. You know what ma would say. We live in a fallen world. People can be evil because of sin. God is love.”

“D-doesn’t… doesn’t feel like that.”

“Benny, you know ma was right. Christ died for you. You’re not dead. You’re okay. I know you’re hurt. But God is still love. Remember that scripture she used to read to us… the long one… the… the famous one?”

Ben couldn’t think. He couldn’t remember. “Can you tell me?”

“Love is patient, love is kind,” Jake recited haltingly. “Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”

Ben’s harsh breathing was starting to calm just a bit, but the tears still flowed.

“Remember that God also said that all things work together for the good of those who love him. I know you love God, Benny. It’s how I know you’re gonna make it out of here.”

“Not going anywhere without you, bro.” Ben’s eyes were shut, and his dry throat was raspy as he talked into Jake’s chest. Tremors still ran through his body, but the pain was slowly ebbing.

Jake was at a loss. He thought of home, of what their mother would have done for Ben. He started humming Ode to Joy, his little brother’s favorite hymn.

“No,” Ben interrupted, “No, not that one. Not right now. Not until I’m back in Zoe’s arms, and she can play it for me.”

“Okay, Benny. What do you want to hear?”

“Whatever you can remember. But I don’t exactly feel joyful r-right… right now.” Ben said. He still felt like he couldn’t catch his breath, and he needed to rest. God, did he ever need to rest.

Jake pulled Ben a bit closer to him and kissed the top of his head while he thought. He remembered a story their dad had told him about his favorite hymn. It was written by a man whose four daughters drowned at sea. The man took the same voyage his family had and told the captain to wake him when he reached the spot where his children had drowned. The captain agreed, and when they reached the spot, he went and woke the man. The man then wrote the hymn ‘It is well with my soul.’

That story had always stayed with Jake because he didn’t understand how someone could react to tragedy like that, with so much faith. Jake cradled his brother against him and started to sing, even though he wasn’t even sure he could remember all the words. He wasn’t Zoe; he wasn’t their mother; but he would do whatever he could for Ben.

When peace like a river attendeth my soul

When sorrows like sea billows roll.

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well with my soul.

Jake softly sang the chorus over his brother, and then the next verse.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blest assurance control,

That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed his own blood for my soul.

It is well with my soul,

It is well, it is well with my soul…

Somehow, Jake was able to recall the entire song. He hadn’t sung that song, especially not every verse, probably since middle school. He didn’t know where the words had come from, but he was grateful.

When he finished, Ben lay still in his arms, his chest rising and falling softly, evenly.

Jake rested his cheek gently on Ben’s hair. And then he did something he hadn’t done in ages: he prayed. A real prayer, not a half assed quick prayer, but a real, genuine, heart-felt, gut-wrenching prayer that conferred his deepest request to the God of the universe he wasn’t sure he even believed in… but he knew Ben did.

“Thank you, God, for helping me remember. I know you and I don’t have the best relationship… or any relationship. But, if it’s not too much trouble, Ben and I would like to go home soon. Please. Please help us get out of here and make it home safely. I know I’ve screwed up my life a million times over, so if it’s just one of us, could you please let it be Ben? He loves you, and he never deserved any of this. Please, God. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I know you have a plan, or at least that’s what our parents always said. So, could you just let him live. Let him get home safely. I don’t care about me. Maybe I’m too far gone. But Benny…” Jake didn’t know what else to say, there didn’t seem to be anything else to ask. That was all he wanted.

Ben stirred slightly in his arms. “Not going without you,” he whispered again. “If He’s gonna save me, then He’s gotta save you too. And no one’s too far gone, Jake… not while… not while… still breathing” Ben’s speech slurred a bit in his exhaustion.

Somehow, Jake didn’t think that sentiment applied to Alexei Volkov. But he admired Ben’s faith anyway. He kissed Ben’s hair and sank back against the wall.

“Okay, Benny. We go together. Now, shhhh. Get some sleep.”

Jake started to hum the tune he’d just sung and didn’t stop for a long time, until he was sure that Ben was sleeping deeply in his arms.

52 notes · View notes

fourseasonsfigs · 1 year

Text

Sunglasses Husbands

With the Word of Honor Concert being one of my favorite things, of course any fig celebrating it would be an instant buy!

These figs capture of course the delightful hairpins-and-nails game the two were playing on the first day of the concert. We have Gong Jun in his sunglasses:

And Zhehan scratching out a beat as a DJ in his:

I remember when I was watching this live, and I was laughing so hard the whole time. This game was so fun! The teams themselves are hilarious. All the fans of course loved this game, and we are fortunate enough in this fandom to have wonderfully talented people in it!

The person that designed the art for this figs is a wonderfully talented artist. She originally designed them for her own use, and 3-D printed them.

She posted the handmade results to Weibo, and as expected, the crowd went wild! I certainly went wild myself - I had to have them. After a ton of urging from fans, the artist eventually partnered up with a fig maker, and these went into production!

The partner group sold them either white resin as a DIY paint project, or pre-painted. I have marginal painting skills and also no paints, and the nervousness it would cause me to do it myself isn't worth thinking of, so of course I bought them pre-painted.

These two delights powered through production and shipped quickly, and soon they were at my doorstep. I realized when I unpacked them that somehow in all the merch fog of war at the warehouse, I had somehow neglected to air wrap them. I normally air wrap all my resin figures like so:

It increases the volumetric size and therefore international shipping costs, but my rationale is that if I spend all this time and money and effort buying them and shipping them from China, better I spend a few bucks more than have broken figs.

Which....is exactly what I got.

You'll notice these two came in styrofoam boxes instead of the typical carved polystyrene case, so that may also have attributed to the terrible outcome (she says, lamely trying to justify her mistake in not having them well packaged).

Which was this! A decapitated Gong Jun! Horrors. The stuff of figthusiast nightmares.

When I unpacked the figs I realized why - these are immensely heavy. They are, without doubt, the heaviest figs I have. Junjun's fig must have been at the wrong angle, and the downward force just was too much for that thin neck. Frankly, I'm surprised Zhehan made it unharmed.

The force of the breakage also made the break a little less clean than I would have liked, but that's on me for not packing them well. So I pulled out my glue and gently fixed his precious head to his precious neck.

And ta-da! A little banged up and worse for wear, but it could have been a lot worse.

Fans were pretty unhappy online about the strong yellow undertones of these figs, saying they looked jaundiced. Mine are actually on the lighter side of some examples I've seen, but they are indeed the yellowest-skewing figs I have. The original sample the seller made has a beautiful diffuse golden warmth to it that didn't quite come through with the painting in the mass-produced version. I don't mind it myself, but there's enough of a difference from the original that I can see why some folks might be unhappy.

The main problem with these figs is that the manufacturer quality in general isn't super high. The design is delightful, but there's more small flaws than you typically see.

They are so cute! They have so much personality and attitude, even though you can't see most of their faces! I love them.

The ears don't quite seem molded on all the way, and the there's a fair bit of discoloration on the tops of the hair. There's a little splotching and holes and little nicks in the paint all over. However, you can see from this angle just how wonderful the hair actually is - tons of movement! The pose and robes also look fantastic.

Another great view of the hair. I appreciate how they got the ink black of A-Xu's wig in there and Lao Wen's slightly lighter tone. The tails are super cute too.

Nice job on Lao Wen's hairpin too (I subsequently broke it off later, which is the first self-inflicted fig injury I've done, aaarrgghhhh but that's another round of patient gluing and a story for another day). These figs are SO CUTE and I love them so much! I just wish the execution had been a tiny bit cleaner.

I would say you could see from the mass of hair why these are such heavy figs, but in reality the body is insanely heavy too. It's like half resin and half compressed gravity just given how solid these things are.

The ears and tails are cute from this angle too. Poor pink costume on Junjun, you can really see where it broke and I mended it.

Gosh the hairpin looked nice before some clumsy person broke it!

One solid mass of resin! Worryingly enough, Zhehan's figure is not ultra well balanced, so he's a bit wobbly standing up. It doesn't seem super possible looking at these bottoms, but somehow the one I got is like that.

The last thing I want is any more damage to happen to these two cuties! I put them right on fig stands, and as you can see they are so big they almost cover them completely!

An optional additional magnet purchase was available of some spectacularly cute art. I adore it!

Despite the quality issues with the particular manufacturer / factory, which honestly are fairly minor anyway, the figs remain wonderful, and I'm so pleased and happy to have gotten to get them at all. I give many kudos to the artist for, first, being so talented, and second, for going out on a limb and bravely getting into the merch business, which has got to be a ton of work and hassle, even through another party (maybe especially through another party!).

I was worried that the artist might be a bit discouraged from this initial foray, just given a few customer complaints, but she is not at all phased! In fact, she's boldly gone on ahead with all kinds of artwork and other merch and even more figs to come. I'm so happy - all her art is gorgeous (as you can tell from the magnet above).

Since there was no box or box cards, I'll just leave you with a final screen shot of one of the hilarious moments of pandemonium from this game:

Material: Resin (and like the compressed weight of the Earth's core, what the heck)

Fig Count: 233

Scene Count: 18

Rating: DJ, drop the beat!

[link back to Master Fig Index for more posts]

#junzhe #word of honor #word of honor concert #word of honor merch #zhang zhehan #gong jun #word of honor cast #figthusiast

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bteezxyewriter12 · 2 years

Text

Strings/ 1

Pairing- Jimin x Named Reader

Word count- 4.1k

Includes- Angst, unrequited love

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Prompt Series Masterlist 📝Masterlists

📝BTS Masterlist 📝Jimin Masterlist

Part 2

🌟gifs from google

J POV

My heart shatters into a million pieces at his words

"You want me to uh cut the string to your soulmate and knot it with Yepa's string?"

He nods, "Yes. I...I love her so much and we're getting married tomorrow. I want her to be my soulmate. You're the only one who can see the strings. You can help me"

I swallow hard

I can

I can do what he asks

But that means letting him go

Because he's my soulmate

Our strings connect, we were made for each other

And Yepa was made for someone else

I know I'm going to hate seeing the strings if I do this

I'm going to see my string hanging down, cut off from him

"But what about your real soulmate?"

He shakes his head, "I don't care Jo. I don't know them, I don't love them. I don't care about them. I don't want them. For me, Yepa is my soulmate"

The rest of my heart disintegrates into dust

I've been waiting for him

Waiting for him to see, to realize I'm his

To see that I love him so much and I'll do anything for him

Anything to make him happy

But he won't

He wants Yepa

"Please Jo, help me. You can fix it. Please do it for me"

Taking a breath, I speak, "Yeah Jimin. I'll do it"

I will do anything to make him happy

Even this

The smile that bursts on his face is beautiful and it hurts so much

He pulls me into a big hug and I feel like I'm dying

Like I can't breathe

My life is such a shit show

"Now?", he asks after the hug

Now?

Like right now?

"But aren't you not supposed to see the bride the night before the wedding?"

His face falls, "Oh right."

Maybe he'll change his mind tomorrow

Wishful thinking

"I got it", he says excitedly, "What if we work it into the wedding? Like after we're married, you come up and join our strings?"

That's a horrible idea

To have all these people watch me give him up?

To have it be recorded?

No way

"That's a great idea", I say instead, forcing a smile

"Yeah?"

I nod

"Great! Thanks so much Jo!", he says happily, hugging me again, "I don't know what I'd do without you"

Every word the says to me is like a punch to my chest

'He doesn't know', I remind myself

"Sure Jimin. As long as you're happy", I answer, letting go of him

"I am. So happy"

I need to leave this room asap

I'm going to cry

"Well, I should let you sleep. Wedding tomorrow remember? We don't want you to be falling asleep on the alter", I try to joke

"Oh never Jo. I can't wait to see Yepa walking down to me"

God is he trying to make me break down?

I know he's not but I can't help but think that he's supposed to be saying these things to me

He's supposed to be happy to marry me, be with me forever

Not her

"Ok well I don't want to look a mess tomorrow so I'm gonna go to sleep"

I stand up and walk to the door, "Night Jimin. I'll see you tomorrow"

"Night Jo. You're the best"

I force another smiles and leave

Practically running to my room in the hotel, I get inside and close the door

Leaning against it, I just burst into tears, the agony inside tearing me apart

Sliding down to the floor, I burying my head in my arms and sob

--------------------------------------------------

Walking to Jimin and Yepa, I force myself to be calm

I had a really bad night last night

Crying all night, barely any sleep

It took a lot of makeup to make me look just ok

I get in front of Jimin and Yepa

They're already married

The ceremony just happened and it was a really beautiful outdoor ceremony

The weather worked out for them too

Because of course it did

I know none of the guests know what's going on

No one but Jimin knows I can see the strings

Well now Yepa too

I don't want people knowing because I don't want to be asked to alter the soulmate "laws"

There are people out there who provide that service

For a large fee

I'm only doing this for Jimin because I love him

I look at Yepa

I want to hate her but I can't

Jimin loves her

"You want this too?", I ask lowly, "To give up your soulmate and have Jimin instead?"

She nods

I want to make sure she wants it too

I'm not only altering my string, my life, but her soulmate's too

But of course she's going to say yes

I just nod, biting my lip hard to prevent tears

I take a small pair of scissors out of my bag and pick up Jimin's string

My hand shakes as I bring the scissors to our string

Taking a breath, I cut the string

Immediate emptiness hits me like a truck

Like I'm missing a piece of me

The pure absence of him takes my breath away

Why am I feeling like this?

Is it because I can see the strings?

It has to be because Jimin isn't reacting at all

It's just me that's feeling this

God why me?

Isn't my life shitty enough?

I need to get this over with before I lose it

Taking Yepa's string, I quickly cut hers too

Bringing their string together, I hesitate before I knot them, tears escaping

"Are you ok?", Jimin asks

Fuck

What am I supposed to say?

I scramble to think

"I'm just happy for you", I choke out, "It's beautiful to see you two wanting to be soulmates"

Biggest fucking lie I ever told

"Aww thanks Jo", Jimin smiles

I just nod

More tears flow freely now as I tie their strings together

The knot glows and in the next second turns into a seamless piece of string

As if it hasn't been cut

I lost him

Forever

🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥

~2 years later~

J POV

Jimin opens the door to his apartment smiling, "Hey Jo!"

"Hi Jimin", I answer coming inside

It's our weekly horror movie night that Jimin, me and Yepa do every week at their apartment

Me and Jimin did a horror movie night before he was married and he wanted to continue it and just add Yepa to it

I didn't want to but I can never tell him no

I follow him into the living room

"So Yepa doesn't feel good. She's staying in the room tonight so it's just me and you"

Great

Just great

A few hours alone with him

I haven't been alone with him since before he met Yepa and she found out his best friend was a girl

"Oh sure", I say with forced cheer as I sit down

He sits next to me

Really close to me

I don't say anything because he's been sitting close to me sometimes during movies

It's crowded on the couch and we sit squished together

Jimin has been sitting closer to me lately but I don't think he realizes and I'm too embarrassed to say anything to him in case I embarrass him

He puts on the horror movie but just like every time he sits close to me I can't concentrate

The only thing I know is the movie is about a demon possession

I hear a bloodcurdling scream from the tv that makes me jump

Jimin jumps too and grabs my hand, holding tightly

I instinctively grip his hand too then realize what I'm doing

I try to move my hand from his but he just holds on tighter

It doesn't mean anything

Not to him

To me yeah but not him

He probably doesn't even realize he's doing it

He holds my hand for the rest of the movie with me loving it

And feeling guilty

When the movie is over, he lets go of my hand and shuts the tv off

"Eh it was ok"

"Yeah nothing special", I say although I have no idea what the movie was about

"The only things that made me jump was the dumb screams that came out of no where"

I nod, agreeing

Looking at him, I find him already looking at me

With a look I can't place

"Shouldn't you check on Yepa?", I say breaking the silence

"Nah", he answers, "She'll be ok"

I laugh, "Wow is this what marriage does to a couple? You don't even check on each other when you're sick?"

He smiles too, "Yeah that's what it does. She's ok, probably asleep. You get to know when they want you to be around or when they want to be left alone"

"Well I wouldn't know", I answer

Which is true

I wouldn't

I've never had a relationship

He was and still is the only man I want

Plus the whole seeing strings thing

I'm not taking someone's soulmate

I've had friends with benefits and one night stands but that's all

Never anything serious

"Jo, how come you never date anyone? You never seem interested."

Oh god is he really talking to me about my love life?

"I can see the strings Jimin. How can I date someone who's string is connected to their soulmates? I wouldn't do that to someone else. I would never come between soulmates"

"Ok well then why haven't you found your soulmate?", he asks

I don't want to answer

Why is he asking this?

Can't he just drop the idea of me dating?

It shouldn't be his concern anyway

I just shrug

"C'mon Jo, you're my best friend. You can tell me"

"I....I gave up my soulmate"

"What?", he gasps

"I cut our string and knotted him with someone else. Someone he loves so they can be together"

"You gave up your happiness for someone else?"

I nod, tears pooling in my eyes

I can't do this

I can't

I don't want to cry in front of him

"Why would you do that?"

I just shake my head, "Doesn't matter. He's happy, that's all that matters"

"No it's not Joanne! You should be happy too. He's a jerk for falling for someone else"

"No he's not. He just fell in love. That's all.", I choke out

"But now you don't have him. Why did you let him go?"

I need to leave

I can't tell him and I can't stay here

"I have to go", I say, getting up, "I'll see you later"

"Wait-"

I don't answer, making a beeline for the door

Opening it, I'm almost out when he pulls my arm

"Why are you leaving? What's wrong. Why can't you talk to me like you used to?"

"Jimin, I can't. Not about this"

"Why? I told you I love Yepa. I tell you things about me and her. Why can't you tell me why you let your soulmate go? It's important. I want you to be happy"

"He's gone. He's not mine anymore and he never was. There's no use in thinking about him"

"He shouldn't be gone. You shouldn't have had to let him go"

I know I shouldn't have but I did

For him

So he could be happy

"I had to", I whisper, tears finally falling

"Why?"

"Because he asked me to"

Shock enters his face, "He asked you to?"

Fuck

Why did I open my mouth?

"Joanne!"

"Yes. He asked me. He didn't know he was mine and I didn't tell him. I was waiting for him to see me but he didn't. He asked me to help him be with the one he loves. He asked me to cut his string and knot it to the girl he loves. So I did it. For him."

He looks confused and I can see the wheels turning in his head

And I don't want to be here when he gets it

"I have to go Jimin", I say, pulling my hand from his and basically running out of the door

Once I clear the hall, I run to the elevator, pressing the button, praying it comes now

🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥

Jimin POV

He asked her to cut his string

He didn't know she was his soulmate

This...this is...

Nobody knows she can see the strings, what she can do

She never told anyone

No one but me

"Please Jo, help me. You can fix it. Please do it for me"

Realization hits me like a fucking truck

Oh my god

I'm...her...I was.... not anymore...she did....for me...oh god

That's why she never dated anyone

That's why she won't talk to me about her soulmate

That's why she's been more distant after Yepa and I married

She gave me to Yepa

Because I asked her to

And she never said anything

Fuck

I take off down the hall

I don't know what I'm going to say to her but I need to talk to her

Why didn't she tell me?

I take the stairs- I'm not waiting for the elevator

Running out of the building, I realize it's raining

Hard

I see her walking quickly to her car and move to her

"Joanne!", I yell

She doesn't turn around, just keeps going

I make myself move faster, getting to her, grabbing her arm and turning her to me

"Jimin, stop"

"Why didn't you tell me?", I yell

She yanks her arm out of my hand, "Tell you? When was I supposed to tell you? After you asked me to cut the string? You said you didn't care about your soulmate remember? You said you only cared about Yepa. How could I tell you after that?"

"Why didn't you tell me before her?"

"Because I wanted you to love me without knowing about the stupid string! To love me for me not because I'm your soulmate. But you didn't and I can't change that"

"I didn't know!", I yell

"Now you do. And it changes nothing"

Yes it does

I've noticed my feelings towards her changed

They've...they've become more romantic

When she's around I rather be near her than Yepa

Sometimes I think of her when I'm with Yepa and I don't know why

And lately, I've been fighting the urge to kiss her

I've pushed the thought away wondering what the fuck is wrong with me

But this....this explains it

"It changes everything!"

"No!", she shouts, shaking her head, "It doesn't. You still love Yepa. You're still her soulmate. You're exactly where you wanted to be. With her. Finding out you were my soulmate doesn't change you're feelings or what you want. It just makes you feel sorry for me and guilty. I don't want that. Just drop it"

I can't

I...I made her lose her soulmate

And she did it for me

To make me happy while all I've done is make her miserable

She turns from me and starts walking to her car

"Joanne wait-", I say, going after her

She turns around, walking backwards, "Go back to your wife Jimin. I gave you everything you wanted. Don't make it be for nothing."

"But-", I start

"There's no buts. I'm not your soulmate any more. I'm not your concern when it comes to that"

I don't say anything because I don't know what to say

I don't know how to process this

"Go inside Jimin. I'm going home"

She gets inside her car and I watch her drive away.

And I have the overwhelming feeling that I just lost everything

--------------------------------------------------

"Where's Jo?", Yepa asks as I walk inside the apartment

"She left", I say, sitting down on the couch

I don't know what to do

She's my soulmate

My real soulmate, not one that I asked for

And I gave her up

I didn't even bother to find out who my soulmate was before I asked her to cut my string

I told her to her face that I didn't care about my soulmate.

That I didn't want my soulmate

Didn't want her

I can't imagine how she must have felt hearing me say that

I know I'd be devastated

She had to stand in front of everyone at the wedding, cut our string and join mine and Yepa's

'That's why she was crying', I realize

She lied when I asked her why she was crying

She was crying because she was letting me go

I put my face in my hands, so upset with myself

All I've ever done is hurt her

She's supposed to be my best friend, she was my soulmate and I hurt her

"Jimin, what's wrong?", Yepa asks, concerned

I shake my head

How am I going to tell her that Joanne is my soulmate?

I feel her sit next to me, touching my arm

Lowering my hands, I look at the floor

"Joanne was my soulmate", I whisper

I don't know how this changes things between me and Joanne but I know it will

I'm going to lose her

She's already distant and I know...I know this time she's not going to come back

She's going to avoid me

And I don't want that

"She was my soulmate and I asked her to cut our string. I told her I don't care about my soulmate, that I didn't want her. And she never tried to tell me, she didn't say no when I asked her to cut the string. She did it for me and now she has no one"

Oh god, she has no one

She...she won't date anyone because she can see their strings connecting them to their soulmates

She said she'd never come between soulmates

And unless she meets someone with their line cut, she's going to be alone

And even then it doesn't mean she'll fall in love with whoever it is

She may be alone for her whole life

Because of me

And while I have some feelings towards her, I don't love her

It's not to that point and I don't know if I want it to be love

"It was her decision to do it", Yepa answers

"No. I made the decision for her. I begged her to do it for me. And she wanted me to be happy so she did it. And she's miserable. I didn't know"

"Would it have changed your mind?", she asks

I honestly don't know

I love Yepa

So much

But I've known Joanne since we were babies

She's always been there

I can't lose her

And right now, I can't help but wonder what my life with her would of been like

With the soulmate I was born with

Would we be married?

Would we have kids?

Would we live in an apartment or a house?

Would she have moved into the dorm with me?

Yepa didn't want to live in the dorm for awhile

And I understood

We moved in together a few months before we got married

But what would Joanne have wanted?

Would I love her more than I loved Yepa?

Would her kiss affect me more than Yepa's?

"Jimin?", Yepa questions

"I...I don't know", I answer honestly

Her face is neutral but I know it has to hurt her

I'm just hurting everyone when it's the last thing I want

"Jimin, you're my soulmate now. I'm yours. You can't let her ruin what we have. We love each other"

We do love each other

But I can't forget Joanne

I can't

I wish she never told me

But I know she didn't want to tell me

That's why she was leaving

I stopped her and I pushed her to tell me

And even then she never said it was me

She said "him"

I figured it out on my own

"Jimin", Yepa says softly

I raise my eyes to her

Fuck, she has tears in them

"I love you Jimin"

"I love you too Yepa"

I do but now I'm so confused

"Please don't let this ruin us and everything we have"

I don't answer but I nod

She's right

I can't let this come between us

Yepa is my wife and my soulmate

I chose this and I'm happy with her

She's who I want, who I always wanted and I'll give her everything I promised her when we got married

I just have to forget about being Joanne's soulmate

Forget these stupid small feelings for her that mean nothing compared to my love for Yepa

I can be her best friend but that's all

Yepa moves closer to me, hugging me tightly

I hug her, willing everything to be ok again

🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥

J POV

Banging on my door wakes me up

Where the fuck am I?

Lifting my head, I look around

I'm in my living room

On the couch

Memories of what happened last night come back

Jimin knows

He knows he was my soulmate

Fuck

I never wanted him to find out

Ever

But I was right in what I said last night

Him knowing changes nothing

He's still in love with Yepa, he's still married to Yepa, she's still who he wants

And after all the crying I did last night, I've come to a decision

I have to stay away from him

At least for now

I don't want to come between him and Yepa

I could never forgive myself if I ruined anything between them

So I'm staying away

The pounding continues and I sigh, standing up

Opening the door, I'm surprised to find Yepa standing there

And she looks angry

"Can I come in?"

"Uh yeah sure", I stand aside, letting her in

She follows me to the living room

I sit on the couch and she sits on the armchair Jimin bought me when BTS first became big

We sit in silence for several minutes

I don't know what to say

"You told him", she accuses

I shake my head, "I didn't say my soulmate was him. All I said was that my soulmate asked me to knot him to the girl he loves. He figured it out"

"That's still telling him"

I look up at her, "I didn't. I tried to leave. He wouldn't let me. He kept questioning and questioning me and what I said came out"

"You did it on purpose"

I shake my head, "No. I was never going to tell him. Ever. There's no reason to. He's not my soulmate anymore. He's yours"

"Well he knows now and it's affecting him"

I close my eyes, my face in my hands

This is exactly what I didn't want

"I didn't want that"

"I'm not losing him. Not to you. Not to anyone", she snaps

I look up, glaring, "I'd never do that Yepa. I don't break up couples. I never meant for him to find out. And like I told him, it changes nothing. His feelings aren't going to change, he's still your soulmate. You're still the one he wants. Not me. It was never me"

"And you need to keep it that way"

I just sigh

I can't do anything

Soulmates are naturally drawn to each other, naturally made to love each other

That doesn't change when the soulmates are changed

The feelings just transfer to the new soulmate

He's always going to love her

"Stay away from Jimin"

"I was going to", I snarl

I hate that she thinks that she can come here and demand things of me

I'm not doing it for her

I'm doing it for him

And for me

I can't handle any more pain, anymore hurt

"Good. If you don't you'll be sorry", she threatens

Oh hell no

"Let's get one thing straight. I'm not fucking scared of you. I already decided to stay away from Jimin before you got here. So don't think I'm doing it because you're demanding me to. I could give a fuck about what you want. Everything I've ever done in my life is for Jimin. This isn't any different"

"Fine. Just stay away"

She stands up and I follow suit

As I'm walking to the door to let her leave, something she said comes to me

Something that doesn't make sense

"How did you know I was Jimin's soulmate?"

She raises an eyebrow, "He told me"

She's lying

I don't know how I know but I know she's lying to my face

"Wrong. You came in accusing me. You said, "You told him", like you knew I was his soulmate."

She rolls her eyes and opens the door

Looking over her shoulder, she says, "I can see the strings too"

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boxwinebaddie · 9 months

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uncle nina! how have you been? you always tell us to take care of ourselves, i hope ur doing good as well!

to start, i just wanted to say that i am glad you guys are fond of me. i know i put up this big rarara mean evil fanfiction dictator lady i am going to make you suffer cold girl vibe in my author's notes and energy in the comments, but it's a silly little front. i promise, i am, nice and not scary. i am a loser who loves you all so much, every single one of you is my precious peach. you are all my angels. <3

now....you have no idea how much i needed to see this message today, my friend. thank you for checking in on me because, it, in turn, forces me to check in on myself.

now, i could be silly and funny and flippant like i usually am in my author's notes or in general, but i think i am going to be as honest and candid as i can be in this message with you and with anyone who has come across peppermint and developed a fondness for it. because though i have not met any of your physically out in the world, i would regard each and every one of you as a very dear friend.

i am going to put the rest under a read more, you don't have to read this, but it regards my mental health and stuff, if that interests you:

so to be honest, i have not been very well nor have i been taking care of myself very well. i actually had pretty severe and frightening panic attack last night that was not entirely related to peppermint, but played a part.

when i created peppermint, i had no idea that it would gather so much love and support. i had no idea so many people would be waiting for my updates or be that excited to receive them. it warms my heart deeply, but it also gives me...terrible anxiety.

i feel a large pressure to preform when i write my updates, i am often very worried about how they will be perceived and though no one is holding me to it, i hold myself to an impossible standard that i will never meet no matter how hard i try and feel like if i take longer than a week or two to update, people might get bored, or angry or upset with me that generally makes me spiral.

i want so badly to put out quick updates and have you enjoy this story with me that i feel like sometimes i am rushing myself or forcing myself to beat the clock. i am both a people pleaser like stan and have a hard time with not being perfect, like kyle. because i feel this pressure to get my updates out and not leave you guys waiting too long, i've found i've begun to...neglect several aspects of my real life.

to be frank and embarrassing, my room is in a state of disrepair that openly disgusts me, i have neglected almost every household chore, i am eating poorly, i do not go outside nearly enough, i rarely see my friends, when i am not writing peppermint i feel like i should be and punish myself for doing anything but that ( because i feel like i am making you guys wait )

i can't even respond to my comments because of how stressed and strung out i am....i also respond to them every week so the fact that i have not responded to a single one fills me with dread and sadness and anxiety.

and because my environment is so chaotic its hard for me to focus and relax enough to write...but then if i start to do other tasks to fix my environemnt so i can write without burden i realize that i now have less time i have to write and AAAAAAAAA do you see why i had a panic attack my friends?

...basically this fanfiction that i write for fun ( which it is fun i love pep i love writing it it gives me so much joy ) recently has become something that almost feels as demanding as a day job.

which is very stressful and strange. i don't want to let you all down, but i feel like i am also letting myself down by doing this to myself.

so, i think for the rest of today and possibly tomorrow morning...i am going to step away from working on my update.

i am going to clean my room and the house top to bottom, go on walks, do all my necessary chores, maybe cook dinner for once, take care of all my basic needs and then if i feel settled, comfortable and in the right mood, i willl continue writing.

i hope you won't mind the wait. i should not be long, my friends. i just need to be kinder to myself and be nina, the person, for a second and not style scribe nina aka boxwinebaddie the writer of peppermint. does that make sense and seem...fair?

( as a consolation i can send you half of the chapter in my dms...or publish the half i have finished...like i said i SHOULDNT have to feel bad about not updating, but i still do and i know you guys have been waiting, so whatever i can do for you while keeping myself sane would be wonderful. )

but until then, please...if you can my friends? be gentle with me.

i will be checking my inbox in between breaks. i would love to answer headcannon questions/anything about the boys or story/theories you have/prompts...anything light that will carry me while i get my barings. stuff like that relaxes me. if you have any kind words for me also...i would really appreciate it. i feel worn very thin and i love you all so much.

let this be a lesson my friends. life is an airplane. and when the oxygen mask drops, you put the oxygen mask on yourself first. then you assist others.

take care of yourself, my angels. i will try and practice what i preach.

-uncle nina <3

p.s. i think its so cute that you guys call me uncle nina, it's so sweet please keep doing it :)))))

#thank you for this message #this is really embarrassing for me to type and i feel like a baby #but genuinely i have been very stressed out and going through it #if you have kind words #or hc questions or plot questions or anything fun for me to answer please go ahead and send them in #above all else take care of urself im gonna try and take care of myself #i love you guys

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