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fuckyeahalfredmolina · 2 years

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...Speaking of Instagram (Or Social Media)

*warning long post ahead*

There’s another GIF at the end of the post

There’s nothing more I hate than people gatekeeping something. Or trying to shove their ideology down other people’s throats. I’m not talking about human rights and beliefs such as feminism or being an LGBTQ+ community ally because these are the things you believe in and stand up for. I’m talking about people projecting their own insecurities on others and trying to police how they think and act.

There’s a reason the Ask button is disabled (yes I did it on purpose, it’s not a glitch) and the fact that I don’t check the notes nor follow anyone.

As someone who was in a lot of fandoms on platforms that don’t even exist anymore and witnessed the rise in popularity of multiple celebrities, there are always dumb fans who ruin the fun for the rest. Always. This fandom is no different.

But just before I start, I want to link this study because it will help in understanding what I’m trying to say:

People Who Worship Celebrities Have Lower Cognitive Abilities, Study Suggests

For probably a year now, I’ve come across so many fans who try to forcibly shift the fandom in its entirety to fit their outlook. And try to make Freddino something he is not. This could be done in a respectful manner or even a fun way but no - those type of fans are borderline unhinged to say the least.

I’ve witnessed fights ensuing over trivial matters that are completely based on pure speculations or over things that are just personal opinions.

How dumb you have to be to get upset over something someone said and it doesn’t harm anyone? How much years of brain development do you need to understand that everyone thinks differently and everyone has the right to say their piece? And most importantly: how hard is it to understand that you don’t have to chime in with your unsolicited opinion over every fucking matter?

Social media really made people think that they have to have a say in what other people share and that what they think is important. It is not. Especially when a person is in their own space/platform/domain and didn’t specifically ask for opinions. Because of that, I’m not interested in interacting with anyone in this fandom on this platform. I’m just here temporarily to have fun and talk about Freddino in a way I like. It is okay if you don’t like what I share. I’m past the age where I look for social approval especially from people I don’t know. If one thing the internet has taught me is that anonymity brings out the worst in people.

Previously, there were many message boards and platforms where we gathered as fans of Freddino, most notably IMDb message board (the website had a message board for every single person and every movie) which was one of the best places to talk about Freddino, his work, and life. Back then, it was so much fun! We could discuss anything and share everything we like. Of course there were annoying people, but not the extent that is happening currently.

I’ve seen sheer absurdity by people who obviously still don't have their shit together or their prefrontal cortex is not fully developed yet or still need years of life experiences. Or probably just dumb. I use the word dumb, not stupid because to me stupid is a term I use for endearment.

Here are a few things I’ve seen and I was taken aback by the unintelligence that the people exhibited:

-Salma Hayek and Harvey Weinstein:

There was an upsurge in this matter though it happened in 2017 but as you guessed - it’s the new fans who made a big deal out of it. Some blamed Freddino or questioned his stance on this matter or the #MeToo movement in general. Until someone dug up an old video of him talking about it and supporting Salma. Still, some people continue to make a fuss about it. Going around attacking him based on something unrelated to him that happened years ago is ludicrous.

-Why does Fred talk about p*rn a lot?

Personally I dislike p*rn for myriad of reasons unrelated to religion or stigma (you can Google how predatory the industry is or the psychological effects of p*rn if you want to read more) but if Freddino watches p*rn, what is the problem? He likes to joke around and this topic is fun to him. Also these videos are old so maybe he changed his stance. Either ways, there is no problem unless you view p*rn or s*x workers in a bad light. And frankly that is “A You Problem” you need to keep for yourself.

-“Don’t sexualize Fred! He is a human!”:

Oohhhh this one is my favorite! While I agree there’s a degree of sexualization happening in Hollywood, it is natural at the same time to find someone sexually attractive. Did we go out of our way to solely sexualize him? Did we stalk and harass him in any way? Are we focusing on his looks and ignoring his career? Do we acknowledge his acting chops or just stare at his titties?

The one person who I’ve seen cry the most about sexualizing Freddino is the same person who has written unhinged posts about meeting Freddino and how they spend their day “Reality Shifting”. Google this term. No seriously, do it and read about it from a psychological standpoint.

-Body Shaming:

This is where a lot of people are projecting their insecurities on Freddino. “Stop talking about his boobs! Fred is not fat! Don’t shame his body!” - when Freddino himself used to joke about nothing but his “moobs” in Spider-Man 2? A lot of his interviews are lost and so many information and websites are not available anymore during the era when the movie was released. He still openly talks about his figure, he’s not ashamed whatsoever. Actually, he comes off as confident. It’s you (I’m using generic you here) who actually have a problem and projecting your problem onto Freddino. Having a meltdown and fighting people because they said Freddino is fat? Guess what? He IS fat! And it’s totally okay. Because that’s how people actually look. He’s normal. He looks like a lot of people around us-- he looks like us.

Social Media really ruined people’s perspective regarding bodies and I’m glad I was born before all that craze (Google Social Media and Body Image). I’m not saying that this problem is exclusive to certain demographic groups or that old(er) people can’t have body image issues because of course they can but I believe when you’re basically born into the era of social media and perfect body depiction, it affects you deeper. This problem is so prevalent now more than ever. So people go around and demand others adhere to certain rules they have put for themselves based on their insecurities or beliefs. You see people on social media with *perfect* bodies and expect everyone who doesn’t look like that to be defenseless or a victim or need special treatment? You may be the one who needs a special treatment and likes to be addressed in a certain way but does that apply to everyone? If a certain word (if it isn’t a slur) hurts you and you don’t like it being used to describe you, does it mean it will hurt another person?

Some people like to argue semantics and say “don’t call him fat, use the term overweight”. It’s the same thing, you’re just projecting and actually defending someone over something he has no problem with.

- The Pronouns Battle:

I’ve seen horrendous fights over what pronouns Freddino uses. Pronouns are important no argue about that, but did he say what pronouns he uses? If he did, then great, if he didn’t, why are you speculating? Why lose your shit fighting people? Hell, why does it matter to you? He can use whatever he likes, why are trying to specifically determine his choice? This was such an amazingly disgusting thing to witness because it showed me how some people invest in celebrities’ lives and how much they try to forcibly connect to them.

I mean I did start a silly blog and I’m sort of investing an hour or so daily but I don’t go out of my way fighting people over something that isn’t related to me. It’s one thing to look up to someone famous but it’s a whole different thing to claim they are like you and you have similarities based on your false narratives. This leads me to my next point:

-“I know Fred! I truly do!”:

Nope, you don’t. Yes even if he “changed your life” and even if you really feeeel it in your heart that you do -you don’t. Whether you’re a new fan or an old one, you simply can’t know someone based on what they chose to show the world as an actor and entertainer. Believing you know someone because “you feel it deep down” is such an immature way of dealing with people and this will get you hurt. We all think he’s funny, sweet, gentle, sexy but we can’t claim to actually knowing him as his family and friends do. This is such a weird hill to die on and I’ve seen so many immature people chose to do so.

-Harassing other fans around because “that’s so mean” or they didn’t get the joke:

I once joked that I want to live inside Freddino and I’ll share the rent and utility bills. It’s an obvious joke, right? Right? WRONG! One fan went ballistic on me and cried over a joke they didn’t understand.

Many others try to police how people speak of Freddino and will not accept any criticism or a lighthearted joke or any comment that doesn’t adhere to their own views. God forbid someone isn’t worshiping your favorite actor and sees them as a normal human being with flaws.

And how about you allow people to say what they want, granted that they are not being awful? I’ll never use slurs or insults regarding sensitive matters but it’s totally fine to joke around. I call Freddino many things as a sign of my love and admiration because it is okay. I’m not accusing him of murder or diminishing his value as a human. If this concept is so hard to grasp and if your prefrontal cortex is not fully developed, please log off or try not to bother people. He’s a grown man and doesn’t need you “defending” him. Both of us are insignificant to him, it’s not like he’ll acknowledge your existence for defending him over something so trivial. God some of you need a lot of growing up to do. I’m pretty sure someone must have had a complete meltdown over one of my posts or will in the future.

Do you know how ya’ll sound like when you take things seriously and start defending a celeb over something everyone else understands it is a joke? How absolutely smooth-brained you appear to be for “fangirling” in an obnoxious way? Have a look and if you don’t see anything wrong with what those fans said then yup - you’re one of them:

Tom Holland's Rude Fans Insult Sebastian Stan & Anthony Mackie Shuts Them Down

There’s a reason a lot of Discord servers and many places actually have kicked out a lot of sudden, new fans of Marvel and/or Spider Man or superheroes in general. So much drama, fuss, hurt over basically people sharing their opinions and engaging in conversations. This is not “passion”; this is mere obtuseness.

The silliness from some of the fans is ridiculous. However, to not contradict myself, I’ll never gatekeep so you do you boo but you do that away from me though.

Please stop being dumb. Thank you.

#alfred molina #alfredmolina #alfred #molina #stan #does it really hurt when someone share something you don't agree with #it's an opinion #it's also corn!#it's corn!#gif posts #text posts #gifs

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spicyicymeloncat · 2 years

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Following on from that last post abt Kai and also crystalised part 1 spoiler but can we appreciate the character development he’s had since s3, where his former coping mechanism was leaving to torture himself on his own and now in s16 he decided to lean into putting his energy to helping others (teaching).

Yknow I really enjoyed s4 but yknow what would’ve made it better? More fleshed out Kai Lloyd conflict. Because that first episode with Kai and Lloyd with Lloyd admittedly being a bit harsh in flat out calling Kai selfish for blaming himself for Zane’s death (or in Lloyd’s eyes, not being able to see the bigger picture) does actually kinda make sense and would’ve had so much potential if they dig deeper into that. Kai left and quit being a ninja, and whilst Lloyd shouldn’t be allowed to control anyone else’s actions, as the green ninja - the one who had to give up so much, the one who had to learn and inspire the meaning behind “Ninja never quit” - it must have stung when the person who showed him how to even be a ninja vanished.

Not only that but Kai turned to “dishonourable” underground fighting rings and lego’s version of alcoholism, which, whilst again it’s not entirely Lloyd’s business, has got to be a painful reminder at how Garmadon was, a loving figure who started going down a darker path, whilst Lloyd could only watch.

(Unrelated to this post but also think about Nya, who stayed behind, fixing the bounty, fixing a shadow of the home they used to have, whilst Kai walked out on it, disappearing like their parents. Angsty)

And I think that a Lloyd Kai conflict, running on quietly in the background of the Jay Cole conflict, would be so interesting. Where Jay and Cole are loudly announcing their beef for the whole tournament to witness, Kai and Lloyd quietly butting heads on what the right course of action is, in cold restrained politeness. Lloyd being slightly more bitter or bossy towards Kai, Kai ignoring requests, suggestions or orders in favour of going his own way (or taking it out on Garmadon), but neither one going stepping too far, trying their best to keep it together for the sake of the team. And they really do care about each other which is mostly the reason why they’re mad (because like Jay and Cole, what hurts more is that siblings as close as them could even bring themselves to fight like that). The only person who could tell is ironically Garmadon, who realises he and Kai are actually kinda alike, and urges Lloyd to be patient with him and not give up.

Ideally with the events of Kai holding the staff of elements, the conflict reaches its peak and the two finally spit out what’s been eating at them. With Kai saying if he was the green ninja, or even, if he was more powerful, better, then he could’ve stopped all of it from happening and that he’s insecure about not being strong enough to protect his family. And Lloyd responding that while he is the green ninja, he couldn’t keep the team together and Kai leaving hurt him because he missed him and it hurt him that Kai based his worth on merely how strong he was. And maybe after that sequence, they end up talking it out , understanding what the other went through and making up about it.

This was kinda a tangent that ran away from my original point, but with the hints of that kind of arc for Kai, him ending up having a better coping mechanism and generally doing kinda well after Seabound feels a lot more triumphant because he’s not blaming himself for Nya’s sacrifice, and instead he knows his own self worth and focused on what he could do to cope instead of what he couldn’t yknow?

#ninjago #lego ninjago #no I will never stop complaining about people’s immediate reaction to crystalised being ‘Kai deserves to fight something’#he’s got charactre develope #Kai is great ykn #btw I still really like s4 even if it missed a lot potential here #Ninjago kai #Ninjago analysis #Ninjago rewrite #the two main things I’d change for s4 is this #and pushing the Misako love triangle out of a helicopter because only ex besties-nemesis’s wu and Misako for now on #ninjago s4 #ninjago crystalized spoilers #Ninjago crystalized #ninjago tournament of elements

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margarethx · 3 years

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The Sambucky fandom spends a lot of time and energy on calling out writers for using problematic, often straight up racist, tropes in their fics. And rightfully so, because some of said tropes are not only unplesant to read for many readers, but also harmful if they help to perpetuate some awful stereotypes. That being said... I feel like we need to show the other side of the spectrum more often and sometimes focus on people who don’t make these mistakes.

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So here is my personal THANK YOU! to all the writers who have never used these offensive stereotypes in their Sambucky fanfiction and who:

1. Give as much attention to Sam’s side of the story as they give to Bucky’s and do not focus solely on Bucky’s emotions about their developing relationship when it’s a mixed POV.

2. Acknowledge Sam’s trauma and all the loss he experienced in the past (not only in the context where his pain is used to help him better connect with another person who’s hurting).

3. Show other characters (Bucky or not) helping Sam go through his more diffucult moments (bad days, nightmares, painful flashbacks).

4. Show Sam having these more difficult moments.

5. Don’t act like Bucky’s traumatic past is enough of an excuse for his unpleasant behaviour towards Sam. (E.g. they don’t write a story where Sam forgives Bucky every mean, ignorant comment without thinking, just because Bucky’s sad.)

6. Show Sam experiencing variety of emotions - not just frustration and adoration towards Bucky. Show him being sad, happy, disappointed, confused, hopeful, dejected, relieved, terrified, confident etc.

7. Show Sam being the more vulnerable one in the relationship (in general or just in cerain situations)

8. Write scenes where Sam is shy or a little awkward (about his relationship with Bucky or about something else). Also write him being insecure sometimes.

9. Write just as much about Sam’s appearance as they do about Bucky’s. (Both as a narrator and through a character’s compliments or thoughts.)

10. Mention how beautiful Sam’s eyes are... especially if there is more than one line about them. (Plus mention their colour like... at all.)

11. Describe Sam’s appearance focusing on something outside of his smile or muscles. (Not that these are not nice, but there are other things to compliment and they’re hardly ever pointed out.) (Very much including hair or skincolour.)

12. Write Sam making mistakes, but not in a way that insinuates that he’s stupid or incompetent, but in a way that shows he’s a normal person who can sometimes be wrong and own up to it. (Unless he’s the only person in the story who always messes up...)

13. Show Sam being very competent. And show Bucky appreciating Sam’s competence, skills, and knowledge in various fields. (Also write Sam being a badass.)

14. Write about Sam’s background in pararescue, his medical training, skills in combat, flexibility, speed, ability to fly, ability to fix his advanced equipment, strenght, the fact that he’s pretty stealthy etc...

15. Write about the importance of Sam’s relationship with Steve even when Steve’s past connection to Bucky is not relevant to the story at any point.

16. Write Bucky being openly grateful for all the things that Sam did for him and write Bucky helping Sam back even when Sam didn’t specifically ask, because they genuinely care about each other.

17. Write about Sam’s past as a therapist not in the context of him helping Bucky get better, but because it’s relevant to the story and it’s something he has a lot of experience with. Or simply because it’s a significant part of his previous life journey.

18. Show Sam being frustrated or angry without falling into bad stereotypes. And show why his anger was justified and he had the right to react like that, because he doesn’t have to be polite and dyplomatic about everything if other people (Bucky very much included) don’t act respectful towards him in the first place.

19. Acknowledge that Sam is AJ and Cass’s actual uncle. The kids might like Bucky, but they’ve known and loved Sam for way longer... and I rarely see that mentioned.

20. Write about Sam’s past romantic relationships without focusing only on Bucky being jealous about them.

21. Show Sam’s interactions with other characters - not just in a romantic context, but also in terms of friendships (MCU Natasha was closer to Sam than Bucky and fics rarely talk about that), professional cooperation, rivalry and so on.

22. Mention the social commentary brought up in tfatws without brushing it to the side or downplaying the importance of Sam’s race in the formation of his character and storyline.

23. Acknowledge that Sam is human and his body is not enhanced in any way... without making it sound like he’s too weak to do the job.

24. But also... write about Bucky using his super strenght to carry Sam around and to pick him up all the time (for whatever reason), because it’s cute. Sue me.

25. Point out that Sam is slightly shorter than Bucky without always making Sam weirdly insecure about it.

26. Write Sam as Bucky’s first choice... not a second option he picked for the lack of a better candidate for a boyfriend.

27. Understand that Sam has a life outside of Bucky even if their friendship and romantic relationship are obviously very important for him.

28. Write Bucky touching Sam in reassuring, delicate ways. (Holding his hands, cupping his face, touching his hair, kissing the tip of his nose.)

29. Let Sam make harmless jokes, be charming, and be actually a nice person even when he’s not actively helping anyone. Just let him have a complex, but pleasant personality.

30. Let him be sarcastic without making him mean.

31. Add Figaro (Sam’s cat) to the stories about pets. Or show Sam’s emotional attachment to Redwing, even when it’s still a drone, not a bird.

32. Don’t forget that Riley died. And Sam’s parents died. And his close friends died. And other close friend left him without saying goodbye... etc. (Also don’t forget he himself died at one point...)

33. Mention and discuss Sam’s sexuality and romantic orientation (both in the tags to the story and in the actual text). ...I feel like it’s often unspecified for no reason while Bucky’s identity is clear from the start.

34. Give Sam little hobbys and interests that are unrelated to his work or his ability to make other people’s lives better.

35. Write about Sam’s fears and doubts while not forgetting he’s generally a very brave, mostly confident person.

36. Make the audience feel like Sam is a necessary part of the story. Not just a character added hastily at the end of writing just so the author can tag his name, because the ship he’s a part of is currently more popular than before and showind him at last minute will attract some readers to click.

and... 37. Do the things mentioned above in all of their Sambucky stories and use more than one of these ideas at a time.

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To people who wrote stories with these tropes... You guys are doing a great job and I appreaciate your work a lot. It’s easy to focus on complaining, because the Sam/Bucky tag on Ao3 was always kind of a mess, but my day genuinely gets better every time I find one of your stories. So thank you again and keep it up :>

(Side note: if you have any recommendations for fics that use the ideas I wrote in this post feel free to link them in the comments. Because the bar is hanging pretty low at this point and some authors still wouldn’t be able to cross a single point from my list if they examined their - allegendly - “Sambucky” stories... so we should promote the content that is actually good.)

#sam wilson #samuel thomas wilson #bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #captain america #captain america sam wilson #the falcon #white wolf #winter soldier #sambucky #sam x bucky #winterfalcon #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #mcu #marvel

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levihantrash · 2 years

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7, 17, 27?

Hello! Splitting this answer up~

27. Who would you hate irl?

warning: zeke, floch, eren slander. don't read if you love them unironically as real fleshed human beings and not because they are characters who have interesting development

Zeke because he sounds like someone who tries to be a perfect student but harbours deep insecurity and lacks a sense of self💀 Although the final scene redeems him in a way. Still an unlikable personality though for me!

But mostly I dislike Floch/Eren types because they are personalities more prone to a kind of aggressive extremism that makes them think sacrificing lives is an "inevitable" conclusion than just like... an unacceptable one. Of course the nature of their extremism and its motivation is fairly different. Floch has a loyalty and predictability that stands apart from Eren's ability to stick to one goal with (imo, misguided, but undying) conviction. If Erwin is someone who is human when he takes off the mask of a monster who is able to make sacrifices for the sake of humanity, then Eren/Floch are monsters who take off their human masks in the midst of bloodshed. If Eren is looking for an unattainable, pure, kind of freedom, Floch on the other hand is moving towards an ultimate, unrestricted kind of power. Both want to do what they want, but for different ends. Floch is a bit like someone who looks at Eren and thinks "he is like me" when someone like Eren, if not aligned with him politically (because seeking freedom does not immediately signal that one consolidates power), will be someone Floch fears. It is easy to follow someone who will bulldoze the path for you. It is much harder to accept that the bulldozing has no control, no cold hard rationality that Eren and Erwin had fooled people into believing. The choices they make are made on personal accounts, and Floch makes the mistake twice in believing both Erwin and Eren are the only ones capable of being unrelenting agents of change. He disconnects them from their personhood, their history, and is desperate to protect their lives because he wants a direction that is morally straightforward. And I really hate people who think that one's "ability" to be morally unambiguous, to seemingly be unbothered by moral greyness and to carve out a path for themselves, irregardless of its ethical implications, as somehow morally superior. Even if we see a part of Eren in ourselves, I think, having Eren-like desires vs acting upon them are very different. But to forsake responsibility; to your friends and society and the world and to knowingly do massive, irreparable harm... I can't really seek to understand that mentality, or empathise with it.

9th Anniversary Ask Game by @happybird16

#aot #ask game #eren #erwin #floch #zeke #character analysis

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silenceinternalmonologue · 3 years

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A Review of Loki (2021)

[The following is an exact transcription of Twitter user @/diolesbian ‘s thread linked here . They gave me permission to cross-post their thread on my Tumblr. Keep in mind that this review is fairly long and quite critical of the series. I agree with this review wholeheartedly, and would be welcome to discuss it with anyone else.]

Loki is a character who has died many times, but his own series may be his most brutal character assassination yet.

1. Loki’s role in the series. Instead of tackling Loki's most villainous state of mind in Avengers 1, the series literally speedran through his development in the subsequent films, after which they almost entirely halted his character progression.

Because this series was set right after Avengers 1 it had the responsibility of developing Loki further in place of The Dark World and Ragnarok. In Episode 1, this development was kicked off by having Loki watch a reel of some of his defining moments in the MCU, allowing him to see his future all the way up to his death in Infinity War. Sadly, this scene ended up being the most development he received in the entire series. And arguably, this isn’t even true development but more like a speedrun of his character up until that point, serving as a simple tactic to explain why he wouldn’t be acting all dictatorial and murderous during his own series. As soon as he had been made “good” (read: docile) enough to follow along with the plot, his agency was completely thrown out. From that point on, the series wasn’t about Loki making things happen but about things happening to Loki.

Loki was supposed to be the main character, but he wasn't the protagonist in this story. In fact, he was more of a side character than we’ve ever seen him be in the MCU before, perhaps excepting IW and Endgame.

A protagonist is by definition someone whose important decisions affect the plot, whose development is followed most closely by the audience, and who is opposed by an antagonist. Loki exhibited none of these traits in this series. Especially the latter half of the story, he was reduced to simply reacting to the revelations around him, such as the reveal that the TVA members were all variants and that Kang was the true mastermind behind everything. He never truly involved himself or acted based on any of these plot points, and hardly played a key role in what was supposed to be his own story. Even in the films, where Loki is a side character, he makes choices which impact the plot to a larger extent. He almost seems more like a background character in the role of protagonist than in the parts he plays in the films.

2. The antagonist. The TVA could have worked as the perfect setting for Loki to have a new arc. It’s a thematic antithesis to who we know Loki to be. But when this Loki turns out to not be who the audience thought he was the TVA’s thematic significance falls apart as well.

In Episode 1, the TVA’s Agent Mobius enlists the help of Loki the Variant to pin down a greater foe who we are told is another, more malicious version of Loki. Order and chaos meeting in the middle, teaming up to take down an enemy, who even happens to be the protagonists’ literal evil self: that works, it sounds promising. But this dynamic is soon undermined when Loki leaves with Sylvie. Still, the benefit of the doubt is easy to grant here: a story about tricksters is bound to contain twists. But by Episode 3 the series is halfway done and the TVA has been appointed as the main antagonist again: we’ve now established villains three different times. And then the Cloud Monster At The End Of Time is introduced, and finally Kang. In other words, the Loki series has no consistent antagonist, no one to pit its main character against. And this is where we once again miss out on an enormous aspect of Loki’s potential characterization.

Protagonists are always defined by an antagonist, whether a purple Titan, a flat tire, or themself. Loki is not given anything to define his morals, motivations, or development in opposition to and this is a huge oversight. Especially given the fact that Loki has taken on the villain’s role in the past: how is the audience supposed to know that the “bad guy” is now a “good guy” if there’s no “even worse guy” to stand up against?

3. The plot. A plot should show off its MC’s strengths and match their personality. The Loki plot hardly relied on his presence at all, he didn't play a key role. The story had so little to do with Loki that it seemed as though he has barely any impact on “his” narrative.

One of the most central conflicts in the Loki series doesn’t involve him at all: it’s between Sylvie and the TVA. This plotline was a good concept overall, but its main problem is that it’s practically the only conflict in the series. Loki himself, as mentioned before, isn’t set in opposition to anything or anyone. And thanks to his relationships with Sylvie and Mobius being weakened by conflicting storytelling devices, he appears to be in a bubble by himself away from the rest of the cast for much of the story. First he follows Mobius around, then Sylvie, then he wanders aimlessly in the void before following Sylvie once again and learning that Kang is a Really Bad Guy who he should be opposed to even though by this point he has interacted so little with the story unfolding around him that the audience doesn’t even understand why he should be choosing to play the hero.

The plot and the characters both suffer by being so incredibly unrelated to each other. A series, especially an MCU one, should tell an overarching narrative through the perspective of its main character.

In the beginning of the series, when Loki was still getting his bearings in the TVA, this lack of decision-making was more understandable, especially since some of his skills were still being shown-- he discovered Sylvie was hiding in nexus events, and he made the choice to leave Mobius and follow her. But by the latter half of the series he still hasn’t had much impact on the story or taken any actions of his own, and simply allows plot points to happen to him. Just because the Loki series had to introduce the TVA and Kang didn’t mean it had to forgo telling a story about its protagonist. If Loki’s story had been intrinsically tied to the overarching plot points, if his choices had been some of the primary factors determining how events ended up taking place, the series would have succeeded in every aspect. But instead Loki is pushed aside by the plot of his own series, a plot which subsequently ends up coming across as largely hollow and pointless due to its lack of character drive.

4. Loki’s arc. One of the main reasons MCU Loki is loved is for his excellent character development across his films. TVA Loki was extremely lacking in that aspect and chances to take his character in interesting new self-aware directions were thrown away without much thought.

Throughout the MCU, Loki is on a journey with many highs and lows. He goes from a bitter and disheartened prince standing in the shadow of his brother, to a self-loathing Jotun bent on destroying his own people in a desperate attempt to win his father’s love, to a half-mad partially mind-controlled dictator with delusions of grandeur fueled by his own insecurity, to a prisoner wondering what there is left for him to lose, to a savior of Asgard’s people finally coming to accept his place in what is left of his family, to a tragic sacrificial victim who knew he had to die so the true hero might live on. That’s a hell of a journey, incidentally shown in less than TWO HOURS of screen time, and the prospect of TVA Loki embarking on an equally stimulating one, this time told over the course of over four hours and shown from his own perspective the entire way through, was exciting. But as it turned out, this relatively simple expectation went completely unmet.

For a story trying to say so much about individuality and self-acceptance, the Loki series seemed to pass by every obvious opportunity to tackle those questions.

Sylvie’s introduction seemed like a good idea at first: Loki would be able to literally bond with himself and learn to accept who he is that way, and forays could be made to explore what Loki’s personality could have been like if he grew up under different circumstances! But aside from a scene or two in Episode 3, this was not how things ended up going. Loki didn’t come to any grand or important conclusions about his identity, he didn’t choose to act differently, all that happened was a vaguely-worded confession of pseudo-romantic feelings which was cut off in the middle, made no sense, and weakened the narrative in a whole host of other ways explained elsewhere. Loki’s encounter with other versions of themself in the Void was similarly meaningless: Loki didn’t end up expressing or demonstrating a single thing he learned from meeting all of those alternate selves, despite the fact that there was potential for massive self-discovery there.

Less than 2 hours of MCU screen time portrayed Loki more coherently than this entire series. Loki is loved because of how much he changes, and it felt like he didn’t in this series. He started off lost and stayed that way throughout the entire plot.

By the end of the series, it was impossible to identify who Loki had become. He said he didn’t want a throne, but it was not obvious why not. He looked sad to be betrayed by Sylvie, but never expressed what that meant to him. He seemed afraid once Kang was unleashed, but why? Why did he care about the Sacred Timeline? What were his motivations? Throughout the series the answers to these questions became less and less obvious, culminating in the final episode which ended without a single moment of reflection or explanation as to who Loki had become. He wasn’t a villain, but only because he wasn’t murdering people. He was in some capacity a hero, for… being against Kang, probably, but once again with no explanation as to why Loki had decided to feel that way. He never seemed self-assured in his heroism, as if he hadn’t chosen the role for himself. Again, making one’s own choices that shape the narrative are what differentiates a protagonist from a side character, but Loki did not do that in this series.

5. Loki and Sylvie’s relationship. Loki and Sylvie had the potential to be a powerful duo representing the process of self-acceptance but instead they were reduced to a strange pseudo-romance.

Despite Loki’s many developments in the films, he never truly liked himself. He has been known to act extremely confident and self-righteous at times, but this is merely the opposite side of the coin containing his self-loathing and insecurity. Having him literally meet and subsequently befriend himself in Episode 3 was a move towards developing this aspect of him and potentially teaching him to finally accept himself as he truly is, but this buildup was all shattered in Episode 4 when the relationship is portrayed to have romantic undertones. Instead of a powerful struggle to accept oneself, the relationship between Loki and Sylvie becomes a twisted thing which is memeable at best (selfcest LOL amirite?) and outright damaging to both characters and the very concept of loving oneself at worst.

Ultimately, Loki and Sylvie's relationship didn’t add anything to either character’s development and actively detracted from what could have been a touching story.

Romantic love is extremely different from self love; romantic love has connotations including dating conventions and sexuality which are impossible to ignore and in this case serve as a distraction. And on top of ruining a potentially powerful storyline, this strange relationship makes both Loki and Sylvie seem out of character. Loki is once again one thousand years old and he has never even had a true friend, so why would he possibly fall for someone after knowing them for only two days? Meanwhile in Sylvie’s case, Loki’s “feelings” for her cause the audience to pay more attention to her romantic life and gestures rather than her actual character and motivations.

6. Loki’s Sexuality and Gender Fluidity. Loki’s sexuality and gender has been shown in several comic runs, and the series was advertised as featuring this representation as well. But due to several fundamental errors and problematic storytelling this also fell flat.

Sylvie’s introduction filled many fans with hope regarding the portrayal of Loki’s identity. In the MCU neither of their LGBT identities had ever been touched upon, while the series introduced a female variant of Loki and explicitly stated their sexuality. But this portrayal soon unraveled, most notably in Episode 5, in which many other Loki variants were shown but not a single one besides Sylvie was non-male. On top of that, when TVA Loki mentioned Sylvie and referred to her as “a woman Variant of us”, the other Lokis agreed that that sounded “terrifying”. Why should a genderfluid being be afraid of a version of themselves presenting as a different gender? It read as both fluidphobic not to mention strangely sexist.

The pseudo-romance between Loki and Sylvie only aggravated the situation. Not only did the nature of the “relationship” seem to follow heteronormative storytelling tropes (falling in love after a couple days of knowing each other, one party being reduced to a love interest, valuing romantic love above any other type, etc) but it also seemed distressing and offensive to many genderfluid people. A romance between a male and a female Loki, one of which doesn’t even call herself by that name, seems to be implying that an individual becomes someone else when merely presenting as a different gender, which of course isn’t at all the case. The writing wasn’t necessarily malicious here, but it was certainly ignorant and potentially even harmful. The opportunity was there to translate Loki’s powerful comic representation into the framework of the MCU, but this attempt did not succeed.

7. Loki’s characterization. Loki is a chameleon, but there are certain traits fundamental to his character. These traits were either ignored or actively mocked in the series. The audience already knew “what makes a Loki a Loki", but the series threw that knowledge away.

Episode 1’s premise of stripping Loki of everything he is used to was an intriguing setup to ensure the discovery of the core of who Loki truly is. The only problem was that this truth didn’t end up being found at all. Mobius made fun of Loki’s most defining traits, such as his habits of lying to manipulate people and acting out of a place of insecurity, which seemed to be a signal for the narrative to forbid Loki from exhibiting any of those traits from that point on in any way. This reduction in Loki’s character was reflected in everything, from his lack of humor (in the films he’s even funny while he’s taking over the world!), the underpowered way in which he fought against Sylvie (he’ll use magic to dry his clothes, but fight with a damn vacuum cleaner?) to the way that he wore the same boring outfit in every single episode-- it may sound shallow, but clothes are important when presenting a character. Every one of Loki’s looks in the films said something about him and his state of mind, and sadly that bland TVA outfit seemed to convey that Loki really was nothing more than a subservient pawn in what was supposed to be his own story. Ironically, the writing stripped Loki of everything that made him Loki, and left us with nothing but a Jotun-shaped void to be swayed by the whims and wills of the characters and plot devices surrounding him.

8. Loki’s past and abilities. This series could have elaborated on aspects of his character which had been teased at in the films and theorized about by fans, but ended up being a disappointment in this aspect as well.

Aside from Loki’s characterization and development, something else the series ignores is much of his canon story in the films. Since Thor 1, a truth that always overshadowed Loki was his Jotun heritage. He struggled with it up until the time of his death, clearly visible in his relationship with his foster family. It’s understandable that Loki was supposed to be independent from Thor in his series, but that’s no excuse for completely ignoring this central part of who Loki is. It doesn’t matter how much he goes through or how much his circumstances change, this feeling of unbelonging sits deep in Loki’s core and should have been both explored and explicitly discussed in the series. A series all about Loki was the perfect opportunity for him to finally confront and explain his relationship with his heritage, and potentially come to terms with it as well. And this isn’t even to say how cool some more insight on Loki’s Jotun inheritance could have been-- hypotheticals aren’t the point of this review, but it would have been fascinating to see Loki reacting adversely to heat like he has been hinted to in the past or even using his ice powers like he did in Thor 1.

Loki's magic was tragically underused. It felt like he was stripped of all of his magical powers even after his TVA chains had been removed, and this was never explained.

A second huge oversight is his magic. His powers are all over the place in this series. They were always a bit vague in the films, but this series was the opportunity to set that right and explain exactly what Loki was capable of as a sorcerer, especially now that the MCU has embraced magic more than it had ten years ago. But instead, Loki showcased an inexplicable lack of magic use-- again, the vacuum cleaner fight can be presented as evidence. There is a single scene in which Loki says that he learned his magic from Frigga, but no information is given as to how much he learned or why he doesn’t always favor spells. His power levels are incredibly inconsistent (he forgoes using magic when first confronted by the TVA, but is later shown using telekinesis to save himself from being literally crushed to death). And, strangest of all, there is a scene in which he tells Sylvie that he “can’t” enchant living beings. Loki, the millennium year old Trickster sorcerer god, who can hold an Infinity Stone with his bare hands, reanimate Surtur in the Eternal Flame, and trick the average person using illusions with ease, can’t cast a little enchantment? And if so, why not? The series offered precious few explanations concerning Loki’s magical abilities and instead only raised more questions. And in this way, Loki is once again relegated into the background and left with not a single shred of any new characterization or development.

Loki contains multitudes, but the series reduced him to two dimensions.

This isn’t to mention every other facet of Loki’s story that could have potentially been explored to great success in this series-- his torture and subsequent partial mental influence at the hands of Thanos just before the events of Avengers 1 is one obvious example, as is his youth on Asgard, as are his suicidal tendencies (people don’t tend to survive falling off the Bifrost, and he knew that when he threw himself off of it), plus infinite other facets of him. Of course, it was both necessary and more interesting for this series to be its own story rather than one which lingered on past films-- but that’s not to say that none of these plot points should have come back, at least subtly, to play a role in this story. Plot points exist to be brought back later, not completely ignored. Otherwise a story may as well be written about a completely original character.

#loki #loki 2021 #loki disney+#loki discussion #loki discourse #loki spoilers #lokius #loki x mobius #loki x sylvie #sylki #marvel #marvel discourse #loki review #mcu loki #loki series #loki season finale #loki season 1 #loki ship

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anakinisvaderisanakin · 3 years

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Anakin is to blame for his fall.

Anakin bears final blame for his state of being.

It is true that he was raised fatherless as a slave, taken away from his mother and only security while only nine years old to be raised by a religious group he knew nothing of prior to meeting one of its practitioners.

It is true that he was met with skepticism and suspicion upon arriving, being deemed too old to train and thus picked on my his peers.

It is true that his relationship with his master was rocky, and that Obi-Wan could not be outspoken and honest about his love for his apprentice.

It is true that his fears were realized when his nightmares about his mother’s death became reality, and that he was overtly prevented from coming to her aid.

It is true that he was was required to bury his volatile emotions underneath the surface, to shut up and never bring them up and let them go.

It is true that despite being married to a loving wife, he had to hide the marriage from the public and live with a secret he knew may ruin his reputation and sever his connection to the order.

It is true that he did stand up for Ahsoka, that he did want the best for his own apprentice while she was being falsely accused of murder.

It is true that Anakin was barely even an adult when he fell to the Dark Side, terrified of losing Padmé, of losing their children of knowing that the nightmares may once again come true unless he acted to prevent it.

It is true that Palpatine manipulated and groomed Anakin all the while, sensing both his power and his vulnerability and feeding off of his weaknesses.

It is true that the Jedi did not have the tools to aid Anakin, or to give him the psychiatric help he would have needed in order to function within society given his traumatic childhood and difficult upbringing.

But it was Anakin who would not trust his loved ones, who would not believe they had the best intentions. It was Anakin who adhered to Palpatine’s constant reassurance of his greatness, his value, his power.

Ahsoka explained why she left, that she couldn’t trust the order that had not stood up for her - but Anakin still took it personally, as if she was abandoning him and without taking her feelings into the equation.

The Jedi order were clear with their rules, they put up guidelines and restrictions to follow, and Anakin still broke them.

Obi-Wan may not have been able to profess his love for Anakin out loud, but if Anakin had taken the time, he would have noticed and realized that Obi-Wan did love him - and that in spite of the fact that Obi-Wan knew he was not supposed to develop emotional attachments.

Padmé may have been selfish and codependent on Anakin and much as he was on her, and she did condone and forgive his murdering an entire village - but she did put her foot down when it went too far, and she did tell Anakin that she loved him and would have forgiven him once more despite knowing he had murdered children if he had only listened to her.

But Anakin didn’t listen. Anakin never listened. Anakin is a loving and emotional man, yes, but he is also hopelessly inept when it comes to taking the people he loves’ feelings into account.

Anakin loves Ahsoka, therefore she should stay with the order even if it’s not fair to her. Anakin loves Obi-Wan, therefore Obi-Wan should always praise him and be openly proud and verbally supportive of him. Anakin loves Padmé, therefore she should always forgive and support him whatever he does, even if that includes killing innocent people. Anakin loves his mother, therefore killing an entire village in cold blood as revenge is a fair retribution.

Anakin loves Ahsoka, but her state of mind is worth less than Anakin’s. Anakin loves Obi-Wan, but his dedication to the order and to himself is worth less than Anakin’s need for validation. Anakin loves Padmé, but her unrelenting love and forgiveness doesn’t matter if she won’t follow him to the end of the line.

Anakin promises to save his mother, and he does come for her but it’s too late. Anakin promises to clear Ahsoka’s name, and he does but she rejects the order either way. Anakin is bashful upon learning that Obi-Wan is proud of him, but he still second guesses and doubts the sincerity behind it. Anakin promises Padmé he will save her, although she doesn’t care if she dies as long as her child(ren) lives and Anakin can’t accept that.

Anakin doesn’t care if Ahsoka, Obi-Wan or Padmé are happy or satisfied with any outcome. What Anakin cares about is his world, his feelings, his own satisfaction.

Anakin isn’t an inherently selfish man, and he doesn’t pressure people and demand their all because he’s callous. Anakin simply never learnt how to deal with healthy relationships, he only had his mother and during his formative years, he was Obi-Wan’s padawan - and Obi-Wan was distant, despite his attempts at breaking the ice.

Now, Obi-Wan being distant does not put the blame on him. Ahsoka leaving the order does not put the blame on her. Padmé enabling Anakin’s violent tendencies does not put the blame on her. The Jedi order following their religion and imposing it upon Anakin who did wish to become a Jedi does not put the blame on them.

Could Obi-Wan have been more nurturing? Yes, but Anakin still demanded more than he could give.

Could Ahsoka have stayed in contact with Anakin after leaving the order? Yes, but her wanting to put some distance between herself and the Jedi is understandable and valid.

Could Padmé have protested and given Anakin ultimatums when he committed atrocities? Yes, but her seeing the best in Anakin at all times came from a place of love, not a wish to condone murder or violence.

Could the order have given Anakin some leniency and offered him therapy instead of asking him to hide his emotions? Yes, but they simply followed their teachings and expected Anakin to be able to do the same.

Anakin had no easy life, no simple choices - but he did have the choice when it came to Palpatine. Still, if anybody outside of Anakin influenced, coursed and shares the blame, it’s Palpatine. Palpatine is what Anakin is inherently not - he is a cruel, ambitious, evil man.

Anakin is selfish, Anakin wants love, Anakin wants to save the people he loves. Sure, it’s for his own gain, but he still wants to be good. He has good intentions as much as they are driven by personal investment. Palpatine cares for no one but himself. Any kindness Palpatine showed Anakin is a lie and a hoax and a bluff. Palpatine preyed upon Anakin’s insecurities. Palpatine manipulated a lost young boy desperate for approval and a father figure.

But at the end of the day, Anakin had a choice. Do I understand why he chose Palpatine and the Dark Side? Yes. Do I understand how his fear drove him to desperate measures? Yes. Do I understand how the high of his new powers snared him? Yes. Do I understand why he believed in Palpatine above the Jedi order? Yes.

But Anakin’s self serving attitude is revealed when instead of saving Padmé, instead of running away with her so she can be safe - what he was initially fighting for - he chokes her, harms her, contributes to her demise. Anakin’s selfishness is his downfall, and that’s where the blame lies with him.

As soon as he dons the cape and mask, he accepts this new living hell he’s trapped within - because deep down, he knows he deserves no less. He ruined his own life, he destroyed the Jedi order, he drove away Obi-Wan (and Ahsoka), and he killed Padmé. Vader isn’t a different person. Vader is Anakin, and Anakin knows what he deserves is suffering, and pain, and torment.

Anakin deserves being but a husk of the man he once was. What else does he have left, but to serve the man who aided him in his downfall? What else does he have left, but to bring harm and hurt to others so that they may taste a sliver of his internal agony? What else does he have left but the monster he turned himself into? Anakin knows it’s his fault, he knows there is no Vader, he knows he did it all by himself.

Anakin knows he became his own nightmare, and he continues to exist because he knows it’s what he deserves. Anakin does not abandon his old self because he’s no longer Anakin, but because the man he once was is warped and he does not believe he deserves to associate himself with his past. The name ‘Anakin’ stands for life when it was good, and hopeful, and worth living. Anakin can no longer relate to any of those sentiments, and thus ‘Anakin’ is simply not a name he feels worthy of.

Anakin never forgot who he was, he simply accepted that he had gone too far to turn back. He understood that he did not deserve forgiveness, or redemption, and he did not seek it out. Anakin knew Obi-Wan and Padmé and Ahsoka would all have forgiven him, but he could not let them overlook the horrible things he had done.

The irony in his refusing to accept forgiveness and turn around, is that that is perhaps the most selfless decision he could have made. Because when Obi-Wan, Ahsoka and Padmé had tried their hardest, he still would not budge. And that would, in some aspect, at least let them know they did their best and it was not enough. They tried, and failed. Anakin made sure they failed because he did not wish to be saved.

Ahsoka got her chance to stay with him, and make her perceived betrayal right. Padmé never lost her faith in him, even while she lay dying. Obi-Wan let himself be cut down and killed, both to free himself as a Force ghost, but also to let Anakin enact his revenge. They got even, in the end.

Vader is no disease, no second persona, no separate entity. Blaming Anakin’s deeds on Vader as somebody else absolves Anakin and removes the guilt from him. It discredits Anakin, and it cheapens his character. Anakin is not a good man, he is only human. But in the end, despite a life time of poor choices, he makes the right decision. And it’s just as much Anakin saving Luke, as it was Anakin cutting off his hand. It’s just as much Anakin choking Padmé, as it was Anakin marrying her. Anakin did it all.

Anakin alone is to blame for his suffering, and he knows this because there is no Vader. There is only Anakin.

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kuekyuuq · 3 years

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Gloria, Jet-lags and Imps [6x11]

Let’s jump right in:

Kinda love how Kara lamp-shaded addressed the fact she didn't tell the gang about her adventures in the PZ. She’s not wrong, tho.

...what do I want to say about Mxy using what's basically a well-known gay-anthem to tell his tale? I mean, it didn’t lead anywhere. The original song is about freeing oneself, liberation, stepping out of a (gone bad) relationship and moving on, stronger for it - empowerment. The only connection I could make, is that originally it was Nyxly’s aim to just do that (freeing herself and her kind from an oppressor), but in the way Mxy performed it, that part of the parallel was long over before he even reached the chorus. It’s also a popular Karaoke song, tho, so... he chose it because it’s catchy? I’ll try not to overthink it for now. At least, the Superfriend’s reactions were fun.

Nia exiting the elevator, "And what's this Old Stone?" I love it when ppl enter a room / situation and pick up on words that they couldn't have possibly heard. I think cinema sins ding such... Are we to assume, she dreamed Mxy's rendition of ‘I will survive’? Or is the elevator not sound-proof at all? (If it’s the latter, Nia later apparently telling Brainy “in private” between scenes / during the elevator ride about her Nyxly adventures, was a silly thing to do.)

So, "Jared" created the ring Old Stone to rule them all, it got shattered into the Paragons totems? Nyxly needs the totems and to get them she needs a crystal which also belonged to "Jared" - who happens to be Mxy's ancestor, which is why she needs Mxy / his blood, too.

I have one important and incredibly relevant question here, tho...

With the introduced imps and their names... Why’s dude named Jared of all things?!

Really, did I mishear that? If so, I’ll leave it as is and never edit, bc that would be hilarious in its own right 😋

...

Not sure what to make about Supergirl paraphrasing a Dirty Dancing quote. "Nobody puts Mxy into a power crystal on my watch." ...is he Baby now? (Seriously, though: Which of the writers thought that was a fitting quote to use in that particular context?)

...now, is the exposition section of the episode over yet?

Sensitive Brainy sensed something was up with Nia. He can relate... Nia doubting Kara would understand, too, is ridiculous. But I get it... insecurities and all. But, I mean, just 5 minutes later Kara announces she wants to save Nyxly despite her wrongdoings. And yet Nia still remains convinced, Kara wouldn’t forgive her own personal mini-me... After having witnessed Kara forgiving Lena for a whole season of the writers being stupid messing up to the nth degree. But I digress, Lena’s Lena.

...how old is Nia meant to be again? Just asking out of completely unrelated curiosity.

F*ck. They really went with NewFoundland...

Imma assume it was an executive choice after realizing they couldn’t find enough actors and actresses with a convincing Irish accent... maybe. Again, no offense to Newfoundland! Just... we got the insinuations of Ireland, not Newfoundland... And truthfully, when I think of magic, Ireland is an easy association. Whereas I only due to this whole debacle learned Newfoundland has Irish ancestry. So, okay, the show forced me to learn something new... I give ‘em that.

An easy journey, she said.

Lena's been off-screen for two whole episodes, Kara announcing at the beginning of ‘Dreamweaver’ [6x09] Lena being “back east” (at least insinuating Lena’s left the west-coast already), which span over at least one full day (feat. a scene at night), and ‘I still rise’ [6x10] at least another a whole day (the whole Nia’s mom back for a day deal). And, now, after at least 48 hours she barely just arrived.

Lemme check how long a regular plane would need to fly from California to NFL......... ... .. .. So... approx. 10 hours with at least one layover.

Yeah, using a private jet made it easier, but apparently also much, much slower...

Or, Lena randomly went some other places / did some sight-seeing in NFL before she decided to finally visit her mother’s hometown... [Either that or the timelines don’t match up and Lena’s scenes are flashbacks of sorts.]

Optimistic and relaxed Lena is a sight to behold. I rewound 3 times, just to enjoy it for as long as possible. We all knew it was going to be short-lived...

Let’s check off a few more items...

OMG, Kara hiding behind Alex at the mere sight of the PZ-projector broke my heart! 😢

"Elisabeth Walsh" is the new 'the one you shall not name'. ...poor Lena. 😭

Oh, so Mxy wants to be Patrick Swayze instead of Baby... gotcha.

...is this going anywhere?

KITTY!!! Okay, this must be the best opponent in the history of CWSG.

Despite the horrible CGI, SG using her heat-vision to project a laser-beam to distract the cat had me in (happy-) tears! 🤣

Gotta love the civilians of National City quickly returning to business as usual once the giant cat is gone. Even the police officers looked rather chill...

Nyxly did look fabulous this episode ^^

Andrea being Lena's rock is both great and annoying. I can't fault Andrea. It's just, that we still have to see an on-screen interaction between Lena and Kara and that bugs the heck out of me. I can’t help it. I’m sorry, Andrea.

Nia: "...is my fault." Kara: "Nu, is MY fault!" J'onn: "Stop fighting, kids!" Space-dad has spoken.

Mxy used an LuthorCorp copy machine... and of cos it's faulty. It's not an L-Corp product.

Kara forgiving Nia came as a surprise to her... Oooookay. I mean, the show has been writing Kara a bit inconsistently the past two seasons... so, yeah, maybe being unsure which of her traits apply this week was not such a far stretch...

Maybe it's the hair, but I wished, Florence was played by Alex Kingston.

So, not-Alex-Kingston shows Lena herself with a funny wig and tells her how her mother was still watching her...

If it wasn't for Katie's acting skills (I love her.) I would have already hit my head against the wall repeatedly. Something about these scenes had me constantly cringe and I made it through 5.5 seasons of this show already... Can’t quite put my finger on it, but it was highly distracting from the story that explained Lena’s mom was special even to another witch, where there was domestic abuse, and an accidental murder. Y’know, important stuff, deep-cutting stuff!

At least, poor widddle Lena got some closure there. Elisabeth was a good cookie. And filled with magic. And Lena’s gotta have that ‘spark’, too...

....so... Lena’s gonna stay in NFL for how much longer, to train becoming a witch? Please, just hand her a how-to manual and send her back home, to figure it out on her own, please... (Yes, that would be horrible decision-making, but I need her back with the team!)

On to the finish line:

So... Mxy IS Nyxly's brother? Wait, that doesn’t sound right... then Nyxly would have the same blood... Did I miss something? Can someone explain, please? Or is he her ex, and that’s where his rendition of “I will survive” makes sense?

Hnn... I can't help, but think Kara's speech for Nyxly was 85% based on her experiences with Lena in s05.

Awww... he said "stronger together"... Mxy... I hope, you'll be okay!

Lena believes in magic now. And I absolutely love how Lena wants to science magic XD

...but apparently magic isn’t science that hasn’t been explained yet, but parallel... powers? concepts? ether strings?

Nyxly has a loyal henchman now. Which was a bit heavy-handed. Took way too much of screen-time, so it better leads to something interesting.

And Kara is on a warpath now. Wooooot! Girl’s got enough.

...what else?

Did I miss a third Patrick Swayze hint / quote / mention? I learned, these things come in threes... Y’know, basic writing rules...

I guess, for once the episode title was meant to be taken literally, Mxy popping up between characters, to try and help. (I need in-show footage, of Mxy sneaking up on ppl, without his powers, on all fours / crouched, just to get the desired effect.) I mean, I’ve never really watched Malcom, but wasn’t he like what Mxy usually is? A bit of a trouble-maker, prankster, chaos-ensuing wherever he goes? ...well, in that case, the episode title didn’t hold up, as Mxy’s scenes were not fun or really goofy. Yes, there was some superficial humor, but just to serve Mxy dealing with not being able to use his powers, which in turn was only barely scratched at (although it turned out to be his final character development crisis, appreciating not having powers and - in turn - facing consequences for once). Again, a whole lot going on in the episode, so a lot of that may have ended up on the cutting-room floor.

...where’s Kelly? Secretly adopting a kid, maybe?

...Kara’s still a reporter, right? I mean, whenever it serves the immediate plot, yes? ...Not even a throw-away line, that she has to pop up at CatCo for appearances sake? Since Andrea is already upset with her AND looking into her friends’ identities? At least, Kara should take a peek to make sure Andrea hasn’t uncovered anything yet... No?

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. Kue out.

#Supergirl #supercorp #Mxy in the middle #6x11 #mxy #nyxly #lena luthor #magic #lena's mom #fiction dissected #fandom #episode #Nia nal #dreamer #brainy #brainia

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dreamingsnowflake2013 · 3 years

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The Marriage Argument: Tharn’s Perspective

Both Tharn and Type have valid arguments about the marriage so they have inevitably been bound to clash. The reason for the clash is that they’re two people who have been formed by very different experiences, including their individual past traumas, making them into the men they are now: an idealist with a streak for eternal optimism and a realist with a tendecy for negativity; an all-out gay and a former homophobe; a hopeless romantic and a cynical pragmatic, someone who’s loved before and was broken by it and a man who is in love for the first time in his life.

Season 1 focused on Type’s problems, flaws and character developemnt as he had come a very long way. And although Tharn’s issues were addressed, they have never been completely resolved, therefore the focus in Season 2 shifts towards him and delves deeper into his character: his insecurities, hopes and personality traits.

It’s not only their differences which divide them, but also what they have in common because like repels like, so while Tharn and Type differ in many ways, they are viscerally and uncannily similar in others, which is something many people don’t realise. THEY ARE BOTH FIGHTERS - strong, stubborn as mules and immensely brave - who have overcome huge obstacles, not only in their relationship, but also as individuals. For instance, everyone talks about how stubborn Type is, but it gets rarely mentioned that Tharn is as stubborn, if not even more. He merely isn’t so loud about it.

The most important and inherent aspect of Tharn’s personality is that he is an idealist who has always wished for the impossible and fought losing battles, ultimately having his wishes granted and winning those battles most of the times due to his dogged stubborness and refusal to budge and give up on what he believes in. He’s been like this for most of his life, even before we met him in S01E01, so when some people claim that the Tharn in Season 2 is not the same Tharn, they never really known him or understood him. Therefore, it there is one quote that perfectly describes Tharn in both seasons, it is this one:

Tharn’s always dreamed the impossible dream: to study music, for Type to love him and only him one day.

Furthermore, he’s fought against the odds and opposition: the prejudice against his sexuality, his parents’ initial refusal to allow him study music, Type’s bullying, Type wanting to keep their relationship a secret from everyone else,... and he has overcome and defeated all of them with his unrelenting optimism and relentless refusal to give up. He still believed in love despite all his terrible breakups and didn’t give up on Type no matter how badly Type treated him, believing Type is a good person.

The very qualities that stopped Than from moving out of the dorm when Type harassed him 7 years ago, leading to them being together, and enabled him to live his life the way he wanted and to win Type’s love, despite the fact he was fighting a losing battle each time - tenacity and pride and insane stubbornness - are both his greatest strengths and greatest weaknesses. So once again Tharn hopes for the impossible: this time, it’s marriage.

Tharn accepted himself a long time ago, coming out to his parents when he was in 12th grade, openly admitting that he was gay in school and later, in work, as well. Unlike Type, he is an all-out gay, therefore he is in a very different place than his lover. However, he, too, had struggled with it. It took him 4 years before he dared to come out to his parents and publicly reveal he’s gay. So ever since, he’s been dealing with everything that comes with it, both the positive and negative. There must have been times when Tharn was marginalized, discriminated against and felt inferior due to his sexual orientation, most noticebly while being bullied by a certain homophobic roommate.

On the other hand, while Type told his family and friends about his relationship, he’s never come out publicly, so he still lacks the final step and the experience that comes with it.

Performing at his own brother's engagement party the love song he wrote for Type and seeing him propose to the woman he loves, still hurting because Type has refused his own proposal many times and doesn’t want to get married to him, break something inside Tharn.

He wants the same thing, but he can’t have it and that makes him hurt, desolate, bitter and envious. He’s been with Type much longer than Thorn with Aom and they’ve been through so much, earning their right to be together, yet marriage seems like an impossible dream, the only thing that Type has refused to give him. Not only does he feel cheated of something that should be his, but it makes him feel inferior, marginalized and not good enough.

Because if he were a woman, Type wouldn’t refuse to talk about him with his co-workers and would have agreed to marry him a long time ago. Instead,Tharn has to come up with excuse why he won't introduce his boyfriend to his collegues. This has been an ongoing issue since season 1.

And this is where those who argue that if Type doesn't want to get married Tharn shouldn't make him completely misunderstand the problem - the marriage is only a symbol, representing equality and Tharn's desire to be like any other couple in all the things that matter.

While Tharn can compromise a lot, he is no doormat and has a certain set of morals and beliefs he will never break. He has enough self-worth to know that he deserves better. Once again, it’s the same quality which didn’t allow him to move out of the dorm when Type bullied him. So it says a lot that the only time Tharn seriously contemplated breaking up with Type was when he thought Type slept with Puifai. He couldn’t bear to be treated as second rate, a spare tire, a mistress and a dirty secret and share Type with someone else. It’s a line he will never be able to cross, his pride and heart won’t allow it. Tharn wants equality, thus he wants it all, wants what everyone else has. And being denied marriage to the love of his life makes him feel incomplete, deficient, depraved, as if he were somehow undeserving of it.

Speaking of inferiority, Tharn has never gotten over his abandonment issues: being dumped by all his past lovers, including Tar, his first love,... In fact, it has actually become worse when Type broke up with him 7 years ago. It might have been fake, but Tharn didn’t know that back then, so the heartbreak he felt was real - his body, his heart and his mind went through a real breakup and they remember it all.

The thing with traumas is that while you might heal and overcome them, you will never forget about them because they leave behind traces, scars that will hurt from time to time and never let you forget about them. During his formative years, Tharn got used to being thrown away and Type’s abandoment was the one that cut him the deepest. Because of all this, Tharn developed a deeply-rooted and hidden inferiority complex together with his fear of being left behind. Deep down, he always worries that he isn’t good enough and that no matter how hard he tries, he will be abandoned in the end.

The scar caused by Type’s breakup has never healed and was left to fester, staying latent over the years, and it’s always been only a matter of time before it reared its ugly head. There is always a price to pay eventually and the consequences of that breakup have been merely postponed.

The mere mention of breakup is enough to trigger Tharn, but hearing Type explaining to Thorn that marriage would make things more messy and difficult when they broke up shatters him, it’s basically the ultimate trigger.

Tharn knows what it feels like to lose Type, he lived through it and it almost destroyed him, so he doesn’t want to experience it ever again because he wouldn’t survive it. Therefore he has been doing everything in his powers to prevent it and bind Type to him in every way possible, desperately trying to stop him from leaving and himself from being abandoned once again.

And marriage is one of those bonds, actually, it’s a real palpable bond that binds a person’s life to another. It involves people making a sacred and legally binding promise, proclaiming their love publicly, in front of eveyone, and they exchange rings, the symbol of the bond and eternity, as well. In some cultures, the couple’s ahnds get literally binded together. So it’s no wonder that Tharn desires to get married to Type so much.

Moreover, a proposal, an engagement party and a wedding ceremony are incredibly romantic moments and Tharn is the ultimate romantic with a penchant for grand romantic gestures and declarations, organizing glamping dates on rooftops, giving his boyfriend red roses,... therefore he does want to do it all.

Finally, the primary reason for the inferiority complex and fear of abandonment comes from the fact that THARN IS A MIDDLE CHILD. His family is very loving and he’s never been neglected, but being a middle child means he is neither fish nor fowl, neither the oldest or the youngest. He’s grown used to taking himself out of the equation, to compromise and to share the love of his parents with his siblings. So he desperately wants someone to be only his, someone who he doesn’t have to share with anyone; HE WANTS TYPE AND HIS LOVE TO BELONG ONLY TO HIM, COMPLETELY AND UNCONDITIONALLY. It’s a visceral need on his part and the reason behind his strong jealous streak.

#tharntype #mewgulf #mew suppasit #tharntype 2: 7 years of love #gulf kanawut #analysis

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quwarichi · 3 years

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Gotta say Cas was the only reason I watched SPN but at the end of ep3 of s15 I cheered when he left. I'd never been prouder of him than I was at that moment. And I didn't want him to come back. With my whole chest I was screaming GOOD FOR YOU, CAS! And honestly even after Dean's prayer later in the season, I didn't think Cas was right to go back. I don't think Dean deserved Cas's goodbye speech. I don't think he deserved all those compliments.. or Cas's love. IMO Cas deserved better.. than Dean.

hmmm.... let's analyze the situation, shall we? I think that the root of our problem, our disagreement, seems to be in 15.03. I'll be taking some pointers from this post and say that Cas leaving at the end of the episode may be perceived as a "yas queen you get some self-respect", and while I'm all for it usually, this is not what actually happened.

Castiel, as a person, is one with deep-rooted insecurities and depression. Yes, you heard me, the boy's depressed, repressed, and insecure. It's important you keep that in mind for my next few points.

To quote another post: "In that process [expectations from Dean's character] I feel like even Cas fans don’t do enough digging into what makes Cas tick, what his weak points are, his fears, his cyclical dysfunctional hang-ups. Cas is a layered, complicated, well-developed character with a now 12 season history on the show, as a main character, even if he is less prominent than Sam and Dean, and as such, this means there are flaws as well as goodness in him." Cas is insecure as hell. He does shit that hurts others, has basically no self-confidence when it comes to his place in Dean and Sam's lives (though that begins to rectify around S12-13, 14.18 did a number on him) and what happened in 15.03 was the crux of it.

For my next point, I'm going back to how between the two, Cas is the truly repressed one. From his age alone, being rewritten repeatedly by Naomi every time he started showing emotions - the equivalent of a family resorting to a lobotomy because their son came out (which, harsh, yeah, but true) and that changes someone. It changes the way they process emotions. It changes the way they think and act.

Cas leaves in 15.03 not because he thinks that he deserves better, but because he doesn't think he deserves anything (from Dean). He's hurt and grieving over Jack and Dean's loss of faith in him - a big symbol between them. Cas HATES disappointing Dean. It goes all the way back to S6 and his plan to be God and can be found again and again throughout the seasons. He'd rather be alone and heartbroken than facing Dean's unrelenting will of not forgiving him, not moving past it. He thinks "It's time for me to move on" because he recognizes that Dean won't be stepping down from his stand, and a million things around them, all the years of unspoken words, come crashing down.

Look, did I cheer right there with you, internally, when Cas leaves Dean behind? Sorta. I was mostly crying because my babies are divorcing. I was cheering because this was the push I've been waiting for since season 13. It was the "bout time we get their crap together" moment.

I have a meta I wrote, about 15.06. I mention how Cas took his time in the episode to work out more of his insecurities. His issues. This brings me to 15.09, the Trap (also written by Bobo, who wrote 15.03)

In The Trap, Cas tells Dean "You couldn't forgive me, and you couldn't move on. You were too angry. I left, but you didn't stop me." That's where you should've been going "Good for you!" because that's where he recognizes he deserves better treatment.

Dean's apology was supposed to end up with an I Love You, but Cas stops him because in his mind is the "I've connected the dots" meme but replaced with the words "I've heard your prayer". He wanted an admission, an apology, a come home, please. And he got it. "You're my best friend (and so much more)" he got it.

Now, I can't do a lot for your feelings on the confession. In my mind, it was totally deserved, and Dean and Cas are in love. I've given you a... *looks up* lot of words explaining to you why I, personally, think your worries are unfounded but I'm not here to tell you what to feel.

Hope this accidental essay helps you out!

#asks #I have more to say on the subject but it links with Dean's character arc and this was a very Cas focused question #i enjoyed writing this #also check out the posts I've linked this to they're greay #15x03 spn #spn meta #castiel #dean winchester #destiel #destiel meta #spn

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queenlua · 3 years

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hey, i started following you recently and ur bio says ur a hacker? any tips on where to start? hacking seems like a v cool/fun way to learn more abt coding and cybersecurity/infrastructure and i'd like to explore it but there's so much on the internet and like, i'm not trying to get into anything illegal. thanks!

huh, an interesting question, ty!

i can give more tailored advice if you hit me up on chat with more specifics on your background/interests.

given what you've written here, though, i'll just assume you don't have any immediate professional aspirations (e.g. you just want to learn some things, and you aren't necessarily trying to get A Cyber Security Job TM within the next three months or w/e), and that you don't know much about any specific programming/computering domain yet.

(stuff under cut because long)

first i'd probably just try to pick some interesting problem that you think you can solve with tech. this doesn't need to be a "hacking" project at first; i was just messing around with computers for ages before i did anything involving security/exploitation.

if you don't already know how to program, you should ideally pick a problem you can solve via programming. for instance: i learned a lot back in the 2000s, when play-by-post forum RPGs were in vogue. see, i'd already been messing around, building my own personal sites, first just with HTML & CSS, and later on with Javascript and PHP. and i knew the forum software everyone used (InvisionPowerBoard) was written in PHP. so when one of the admins at my RPG complained that they'd like the ability to set multiple profile pictures, i was like, "hey i'm good at programming, want me to create a mod to do that," and then i just... did. so then they asked me to program more features, and i got all the sexy nerd cred for being Forum Mod Queen, and it was a good time, i learned a lot.

(i also got to be the person who was frantically IMed at 2am because wtf the forum is down and there's an inscrutable error, what do??? basically sysadmining! also, much less sexy! still, i learned a lot!)

the key thing is that it's gotta be a problem that's interesting to you: as much as i love making dorky sites in PHP, half the fun was seeing other people using my stuff, and i think the era of forum-based RPGs has passed. but maybe you can apply some programming talents to something that you are interested in—maybe you want to make a silly Chrome extension to make people laugh, a la Cloud to Butt, or maybe you'd like to make a program that converts pixel art into cross-stitching patterns, maybe you want to just make a cool adventure game on those annoying graphing calculators they make you use in class, or make a script for some online game you play, or make something silly with Arduino (i once made a trash can that rolled toward me when i clapped my hands; it was fun, and way easier than you'd think!), whatever.

i know a lot of hacker-types who got their start doing ROM hacking for video games—replacing the character art or animations or whatever in old NES games. that's probably more relevant than the PHP websites, at least, and is probably a solid place to get started; in my experience those communities tend to be reasonably friendly to questions. pick a small thing you want to do & ask how to do it.

also, a somewhat unconventional path, but—once i knew how to program a bit of Python, i started doing goofy junk, like, "hey can i implemented NamedTuple from scratch,” which tends to lead to Python metaprogramming, which leads to surprising shit like "oh, stack frames are literally just Python objects and you can manually edit them in the interpreter to do deliberately horrendous/silly things, my god this language allows too much reflection and i'm having too much fun"... since Python is a lot of folks' first language these days, i thought i'd point that out, since i think this is a pretty accessible start to thinking about How Programs Actually Work under the hood. allison kaptur has some specific recommendations on how to poke around, if you wanna go that route.

it's reasonably likely you'll end up doing something "hackery" in the natural course of just working on stuff. for instance, while i was working on the IPB forum software mods, i became distressed to learn that everyone was using an INSECURE version of the software! no one was patching their shit!! i yelled at the admins about it, and they were like "well we haven't been hacked yet so it's not a problem," so i uh, decided to demonstrate a proof of concept? i downloaded some sketchy perl script, kicked it until it worked, logged in as the admins, and shitposted a bit before i logged out, y'know, to prove my point.

(they responded by banning me for two weeks, and did not patch their software. which, y'know, rip to them; they got hacked by an unrelated Turkish group two months later, and those dudes just straight-up deleted the whole website. i was a merciful god by comparison!)

anyway, even though downloading a perl script and just pointing it at a website isn't really "hacking" (it's the literal definition of script kiddie, heh)—the point is i was just experimenting a lot and trying a lot of stuff, which meant i was getting comfortable with thinking of software as not just some immutable relic, but something you can touch and prod in unexpected ways.

this dovetails into the next thing, which is like, just learn a lot of stuff. a boring conventional computer science degree will teach you a lot (provided you take it seriously and actually try to learn shit); alternatively, just taking the same classes as a boring conventional computer science degree, via edX or whatever free online thingy, will also teach you a lot. ("contributing to open source" also teaches you a lot but... hngh... is a whole can of worms; send a follow-up ask if you want that rant.)

here's where i should note that "hacking" is an impossibly broad category: the kind of person who knows how to fuck with website authentication tokens is very different than someone who writes a fuzzer, who is often quite different than someone who looks at the bug a fuzzer produces and actually writes a program that can exploit that bug... so what you focus on depends on what you're interested in. i imagine classes with names like "compilers," "operating systems," and "networking" will teach you a lot. but, like, idk, all knowledge is god-breathed and good for teaching. hell, i hear some universities these days have actual computer security classes? that's probably a good thing to look at, just to get a sense of what's out there, if you already know how to program.

also be comfortable with not knowing everything, but also, learn as you go. the bulk of my security knowledge came when i got kinda airdropped into a work team that basically hired me entirely on "potential" (lmao), and uh, prior to joining i only had the faintest idea what a hypervisor was? or the whole protection ring concept? or ioctls or sandboxing or threat models or, fuck, anything? i mostly just pestered people with like 800 questions and slowly built up a knowledge base, and remember being surprised & delighted when i went to a security conference a year later and could follow most of the talks, and when i wound up at a bar with a guy on the xbox security team and we compared our security models a bunch, and so on. there wasn't a magic moment when i "got it", i was just like, "okay huh this dude says he found a ring-0 exploit... what does that mean... okay i think i got that... why is that a big deal though... better ask somebody.." (also: reading an occasional dead tree book is a good idea. i owe my firstborn to Robert Love's Linux Kernel Development, as outdated as it is, and also O'Reilly's kookaburra book gave me a great overview of web programming back in the day, etc. you can learn a lot by just clicking around random blogs, but you’ll often end up with a lot of random little facts and no good mental scaffolding for holding it together; often, a decent book will give you that scaffolding.)

(also, it's pretty useful if you can find a knowledgable someone to pepper with random questions as you go. finding someone who will actively mentor you is tricky, but most working computery folks are happy to tell you things like "what you're doing is actually impossible, here's why," or "here's a tutorial someone told me was good for learning how to write a linux kernel module," or "here's my vague understanding of this concept you know nothing about," or "here's how you automate something to click on a link on a webpage," which tends to be handier than just google on its own.)

if you're reading this and you're like "ok cool but where's the part where i'm handed a computer and i gotta break in while going all hacker typer”—that's not the bulk of the work, alas! like, for sure, we do have fun pranking each other by trying dumb ways of stealing each other's passwords or whatever (once i stuck a keylogger in a dude's keyboard, fun times). but a lot of my security jobs have involved stuff like, "stare at this disassembly a long fuckin' time to figure out how the program pointer got all fucked up," or, "write a fuzzer that feeds a lot of randomized input to some C++ program, watch the program crash because C++ is a horrible language for writing software, go fix all the bugs," or "think Really Hard TM about all the settings and doohickeys this OS/GPU/whatever has, think about all the awful things someone could do with it, threat model and sandbox accordingly." occasionally i have done cool proof-of-concept hacks but honestly writing exploits can kinda be tedious, lol, so like, i'm only doing that if it's the only way i can get people to believe that Yes This Is Actually A Problem, Fix Your Code

"lua that's cool and all but i wanted, like, actual links and recommendations and stuff" okay, fair. here's some ideas:

microcorruption: very fun embedded security CTF; teaches you everything you need to know as you're doing it.

cryptopals crypto challenges: very fun little programming exercises that teach you a lot of fundamental cryptography concepts as you're going along! you can do these even as a bit of a n00b; i did them in Python for the lulz

the binary bomb lab is hilariously copied by, like, so many CS programs, lol, but for good reason. it's accessible and fun and is the first time most people get to feel like a real hacker! (requires you know a bit of C beforehand)

ctftime is a good way to see when new CTFs ("capture the flag"s; security-focused competitions) are coming up. or, sometimes CTFs post their source code, so you can continue trying them after the CTF is over. i liked Stripe's CTFs when they were going, because they focused on "web stuff", and "web stuff" was all i really knew at the time. if you're more interested in staring at disassembly, there's CTFs focused on that sort of thing too.

azeria has good ARM assembly & exploitation tutorials

also, like, lots of good talks out there; just watching defcon/cansecwest/etc talks until something piques your interest is very fun. i'd die on a battlefield for any of Christopher Domas's talks, but he assumes a lot of specific x86/OS knowledge, lol, so maybe don’t start with that. oh, Julia Evans's blog is honestly probably pretty good for just learning a lot of stuff and really beginner-friendly?

oh and wrt legality... idk, i haven't addressed it here since it hasn't come up in my own work much, tbh. if you're just getting started you're kind of unlikely to Break The Law without, y'know, realizing maybe you're doing something a bit gray-area? and you can cross that bridge when you come to it? Real Hacking TM is way more of a pain-in-the-ass than doing CTFs and such, and you'll learn way more with the latter, so who cares lol just do the fun thing

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sepublic · 3 years

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Recognizing Lilith’s Progress

You know what? Perhaps I’ve been too harsh towards Lilith, at least in regards to her relationship with Eda specifically. I think we need to remember that while Lilith really WANTED Eda to join the Emperor’s Coven for thirty-something years… She always made it a point to vouch for her sister’s freedom, as seen when Lilith destroys those Wanted Posters at Covention just so the two could get into a petty squabble. And as we see at the end of Sense and Insensitivity, she WANTED to let Eda make the choice and decision, on her own, to join the Emperor’s Coven… Lilith wanted it to be fully voluntary and was completely willing to wait as long as it’d take (which would actually be an eternity) for Eda to change her mind.

And, obviously there’s that disrespectful assumption that Eda WILL eventually change her mind, that it’s an inevitable sort of thing she has to figure out, that Lilith’s way is objectively right and it’s just a matter of Edalyn realizing the truth… But still. I think it hints at some potential growth and maturity, or at least an implicit acknowledgement of Eda’s genuine issues with the Emperor’s Coven that are unrelated to the curse- Hence why Eda makes it clear that she’s not joining Belos anytime soon to cure her curse, so Lilith never brings it up again until after THAT specific revelation… Lilith gets it, she gets that Eda has had reasons beyond the curse to despise the Emperor’s Coven, she figured that much out by now- Lilith just needs to realize that those reasons are actually valid, and/or that the Coven System’s benefits do NOT outweight the cons that Eda has to list.

Sure, maybe this just indicates Lilith of being particularly ignorant, because she’s willfully ignorant to facts she knows deep-down… But maybe it’s also Lilith beginning to make tenuous progress towards understanding Eda, and eventually confessing to the curse on her own terms. But of course, Belos has to ruin this- He rushes and pressures Lilith, who is clearly unhappy about entering Eda’s space in Wing it like Witches, instead of waiting for Eda to intiate contact on her own terms. And you can tell, because Lilith still humors Eda’s Grudgby game and the terms set- She doesn’t WANT to force Eda, and is looking for any reason not to, in addition to wanting to hang out with her sister as always. And maybe this is just indicative of Lilith’s cowardice because she knows she can’t take Eda on in a fight, even with the curse…

And speaking of cowardice, perhaps Lilith choosing to look the other way and bend the law for Eda, but not outright joining her, was indicative of indecision too; Lilith didn’t actively choose nor desire to cut ties with Eda and make her an enemy, it was just supposed to be a one-time thing and ideally, the two would remain best friends and sisters even after it. But Lilith couldn’t take a full stance with the Emperor’s Coven, or with Eda- She had to choose between the two, but really thought both options were actually reconcilable. Not to mention, Lilith still could’ve chosen to at least share the curse…

But I can also see her justifying this because the Emperor’s Coven wouldn’t accept a half-cursed witch, and Lilith –corectly- saw the EC as a means of curing Eda… So it’d just be a matter of putting off this treatment in favor of a full-on cure, later down the line. Still, damage was dealt, and as Dana herself confirmed; Even if Eda had been cured, her hair would’ve still been gray. And clearly Lilith was being a little selfish and a coward herself, not wanting to bear any part of the curse, nor handle the social ostracization she subjected Edalyn towards with it.

But considering how Lilith eventually makes the choice to save Eda from petrification, even at the risk of losing her spot in the Emperor’s Coven (not necessarily the requirement up until Belos catches her), I think it’s safe to say that if Lilith hadn’t already reached that understanding/epiphany a long time ago- We were actually watching her do so as the season progressed, seeing Lilith realize what she had to finally do after years of procrastination. We’ve known through her introduction that Lilith has been bending the law for Eda, even if she doesn’t approve, and now she’s possibly beginning to; Things HAD been changing, potentially for the better, maybe Lilith had been taking initiative to truly grow…

I think there were genuine moments when after seeing how Eda felt, Lilith legit considered confessing, particularly near the end of Covention and Sense and Insensitivity; That she wasn’t so dead-set on taking this truth to her grave, that maybe Lilith realized that considering how much Eda had done for her by opening up emotionally, or rescuing Lilith… Even if it wasn’t ‘technically necessary’, Lilith still owed it to Eda to be honest, with the added benefit of Lilith’s own conscience being relieved. Maybe Lilith really was shaping up to confess on her own terms, in a healthy and calm environment…

Until again, Belos has to ruin it. I think Lilith growing as a person and beginning to understand Eda, in addition to the impending Day of Unity, was what convinced Belos to intervene; Because now Lilith’s loyalty was in question, and so in a test Belos sets the ultimatum of either having Lilith prove her loyalty andcompetency, or else just die and no longer be a nuisance to him. Either he wants to reverse Lilith’s development, or else just be rid of her as a threat completely. I really do feel that Eda and Lilith had been making progress prior to Belos’ interference; Or maybe, his interference DID help, because you need to get through the worst to really achieve the best.

Lilith and Eda weren’t truly going to make amends until both sisters confronted the darkest feelings they felt towards one another and conquered them, together- And Belos hastened Lilith’s confession, and got it out of the way to pave the way for reconciliation… As an unintended byproduct to his ACTUAL goals, of course, because again- He really doesn’t care for people, they’re more afterthoughts to him if not tangentially relevant. And there are certainly better ways to get the sisters to be honest than what he set up… Eda and Lilith did something with that situation, only because sometimes you just have to work with what you get. And what you got could’ve been so much better, which means it was unnecessarily terrible.

But, back to the subject: Belos has to threaten to execute Lilith, and now she’s terrified for her life, her own role model will kill her if she doesn’t do what she wants… And in her justifiable panic –she has until the end of the day to do this and she’s already burnt through half of it- Lilith gets VERY stressed-out… She feels very insecure, and she defaults to some petty mindsets and feelings that she’d normally avoid. Believe it or not, people tend to think good, mature, and rational things in a healthy and comfortable environment, VS a cult that is promising death if you don’t comply within a very short and unreasonable amount of time, to do something you’ve incredibly uncomfortable with.

Maybe there was some relief in Lilith, when Eda arrived for that final duel- That now the blame was kind of out of her hands, because it wasn’t HER choice to force Eda, this was just Belos, maybe there’s some roundabout gratitude towards him for taking Eda’s capture into his own hands, and thus absolving Lilith of some of the painful responsibility by low-key ‘doing it’ for her… This isn’t REALLY Lilith’s choice, this isn’t really her own actions, it’s Belos’, especially since Lilith is being threatened- And so she justifiably doesn’t have to feel bad for her part, because it’s just Belos forcing her to do this! And while she’s not totally wrong…

Lilith still chose to take Luz hostage, not to mention this connects back to that discussion about how you still have moral culpability, even if you’re just ‘following orders’, or if your situation is so un-ideal that you have to do terrible things to survive (plus Belos certainly wasn’t acting out of any concern for Lilith either). Perhaps Lilith saw the situation as unchangeable, so there was no point in fretting over the cons, and instead she should just focus on the bright side of things- That Eda will get to be with her and will be cured of the curse, and so Lilith looks a little too happy to see Eda arrive for that duel! And as I said- Any smug satisfaction she has from carrying out her job is more from Belos, it’s not actually a reflection of Lilith, just her relief that Belos isn’t going to kill her!

Of course, like I said- When Lilith is stressed out or not feeling so great about herself… She can default to some toxic mindsets as a pick-me-up. Hence why she brings up being better than Eda through the curse, because what right does Eda have to lecture her about morals and responsibility, when clearly Eda is the irresponsible criminal who adopted this random human? Eda can’t imagine what it’s like for Lilith, trying so hard to be patient all those years, putting in the effort and humility to finally work around with Eda and to adapt to her, to better understand Eda’s thought process… Eda has no idea what it’s like being threatened by Emperor Belos, Lilith isn’t as strong and independent as her, it’s not as easy to protect herself or go off and do her own thing!

And what does Eda know about Lilith being a bad person for cursing her, Eda doesn’t know that Lilith expected the curse to be just for a day, that she was a child who was scammed, duped, and tricked by an adult- Eda doesn’t know what it’s like to not be as talented, to be so terrified of being left behind! So yes, Lilith IS weaker than Eda… And what about it? If Eda were in Lilith’s spot, she’d do the same- So don’t act so high-and-mighty, there IS a difference between the two of us and our situations; So now that you’ve acknowledged this, stop judging Lilith for it! Stop yelling at Lilith, hating and judging her for not being good enough like everyone else does, like Lilith does to herself, as Belos does now… Don’t forget YOU’RE not so high-and-mighty yourself, not all of the time- So remember those moments of weakness and what it felt like, whenever you judge me, try being in MY shoes, and remember what it was like in them!

If this is how you feel about and treat me, then maybe you DESERVED to be cursed, so you could be on my level and realize how you’ve always made me feel- That this was the only way you could understand, the only way you and I could see eye-to-eye and truly reconcile! Can’t you see Lilith is TRYING, it’s already hard enough as-is, can’t you appreciate what Lilith DID manage to do and accomplish, you’re just like myself and everyone else, always ignoring that and focusing on where Lilith screwed up! If you’re disappointed that Lilith went that far, well news flash- She’s ALWAYS gone that far, she’s not the perfect person you expected her to be, Edalyn, try paying more attention next time and being considerate of this! This is not Lilith’s decision, can’t you tell- You speak so much of Belos making people do terrible things and being harsh to them, can’t you remember this when he’s literally right there, watching us!?

I’m your own sister, who’s done everything for you, we’ve known each other for decades and I’ve been putting in the agonizing work to understand you; Why are you prioritizing some random human you just met, a human who enables your bad behavior, over me?! Lilith didn’t want this, she didn’t take joy in this, Eda is forgetting that Lilith has a lot to lose herself… And now it’s coming down to her own LIFE, too! Lilith isn’t enjoying this, stop assuming the worst, that there’s so much more malice from her than there actually is, can’t Eda tell how much Lilith cares, how much it’s been eating her up on the inside over what happened…

Lilith is TIRED of feeling terrible and she just wants someone to understand, to listen to her, to get it! She’s used to accepting the blame and the guilt, when can someone finally tell Lilith that it’s okay, that you tried your best and it’s not the end of the world… I can see how she got so indoctrinated by the Emperor’s Coven, as it must’ve given her that false sense of validation, when Lilith felt she wasn’t getting any from Eda; But in the end, she realized that Belos’ support and the glory of her spot was all superficial and conditional. But before that, Lilith in her pure stress confesses to cursing Eda, as a culmination of all of her insecurities, her frustrations at herself and others, and a desperate desire to feel seen and heard in a way that she hasn’t beforehand… To have an intimate part of her recognized, even if that means admitting to her worst sin.

Then she backtracks, she realizes what she’s done, because this is Lilith- And even if she has issues with fixing her problems, she’s at least somewhat learning, or at least not repeating certain mistakes. Lilith remembers that she’s being unfair to Eda, and she panics in the revelation of Eda now TRULY hating her, which was something Lilith always feared. Lilith pointlessly brings up how she can cure the curse, and in retrospect… I think she was fully aware, both from a conscious and deep-down standpoint, that curing Eda’s curse wouldn’t undo the damage, but she resorted to it as damage control anyway because that was what she was used to- In moments of stress, Lilith does things she’d normally know better than to do.

Lilith tried to de-escalate the revelation by claiming she could help cure the curse, even though Eda’s known for this for a long while- And I think she tried to reframe the cure as coming from her, not Belos, so Eda will feel more open to the idea, as Lilith mentions that SHE can cure it, when in reality it’s more like she can –supposedly- convince Belos to do so. After all, if Lilith is curing the curse, then surely Eda doesn’t mind getting treatment from her, because it’s not like Lilith would DEMAND anything of Eda in return… She’d definitely feel entitled to it, but Lilith has always made a point beforehand to still respect Eda’s boundaries, to an extent- And I don’t think it’s just an issue with tracking down Eda, either.

Of course it wouldn’t matter if Lilith fully had the power to cure Eda’s curse on her own and did it purely of her own good will, because Eda still hates the Emperor’s Coven, and I think Lilith has reached that point where she’s forced herself to acknowledged this. But she panics and brings up the cure as a distraction, because Lilith remembers that she’s doing this all for Eda, that she DOES love her sister and always will, no matter how aggravating Eda can be, because she’s all that Lilith truly has left. Lilith knows she’s grasping at straws, but she may as well try anyway; She’s reminding herself and Eda that in the end, she regretted the curse and would rather have it gone than stay… That there’s no need to worry Eda, Lilith isn’t going to curse her a second time, not even now! All of this work has been done to CURE the curse, remember…?

Lilith DOES have remorse, and she’s been putting in the work and Lilith really thinks it’s paid off, she really thinks her work in the Emperor’s Coven has guaranteed a cure from Belos- And if only Eda would just listen and be proud of her for this, and realize and acknowledge that Lilith has grown since then, that she’s made progress from never wanting to repeat that mistake, to attempting to undo it… Lilith is basically trying to damage-control her confession by admitting that yes she’s made a mistake, but she’s grown since then and put in the effort to undo it, and I’ve succeeded in finding a cure! I’m not a total failure, don’t turn your back on me now, I’ve CHANGED since then, the Lilith who cursed you is now gone Eda, you never had to worry about her now because she left, all those years ago!

So Eda can understand why Lilith didn’t think it was necessary to confess, it’d have just caused the two of them needless pain, as you can probably feel right now…! Sure I wasn’t perfect after all, but you can at least now appreciate how I’ve grown! That’s what you’ve wanted, right- For me to grow and improve, to be the older sister you deserved, to learn from my mistakes? Well, it turns out I HAVE been… Even if it also turns out that yes, there were even more mistakes I made that you never knew about, but if I can fix those, then I can fix the rest, so pleasedon’t give up on me! I haven’t been static, I’ve actually been actively improving over the years, I just… have a LOT to work on, okay, and it just seemed like I didn’t and that I wasn’t doing anything. Lilith wanted Eda to remember that this revelation was something Lilith herself had always known, and yet she still chose to vouch for Eda and bend the law, look the other way for her sister, for years… So please remember this! That all that happened AFTER her worst mistake…

Lilith really wants to believe she’s stopped hurting her sister and is past that, because the last time she hurt Eda it REALLY had the worst possible impact on the two of them. It’s a desperate reassurance, that yes Lilith has acted smug about the curse in the past, but you should listen to reason Edalyn, try to approach this from a calm standpoint unlike how I just did, if you’re allegedly so much better than me (and I admit this fact). Except Eda IS being reasonable here, Eda isn’t fighting Lilith and avoiding her just because she felt like it, she doesn’t take any joy in this either, and both sisters are mutually trying to survive the depraved situation that Belos set up to put them at each other’s throats.

And sure, Lilith is trying to soften the blow by conceding that Eda’s emotional reaction to the confession is reasonable itself, that Lilith does indeed understand and consider how Eda feels, Eda just needs to make her actions sensible too; Eda has issues with Lilith not understanding her feelings/decisions and not seeing them as valid, so Lilith insists she actually does! But Eda’s trying to do what she thinks is best for herself AND Luz, who Lilith has characteristically disregarded.

It’s worth noting that Lilith never brings up, “I won’t hurt Luz/I can heal her if she GETS hurt” to deter and calm down Eda, because she still has a lot more understanding to do. Really, I think Lilith is just so tired of admitting that she’s wrong and has messed up… So when confronted with yet another major example of this (capturing Luz) she doesn’t want to admit it because Lilith wants to believe she’s grown past her old self, that she’s no longer the fool she was and can’t make mistakes regarding this stranger, much less Edalyn; In addition to wanting Eda to make concessions for once, because Lilith feels like Eda has been unfair to her in some ways, especially since Eda didn’t know Lilith was at fault.

I feel like Lilith just wants to be valued, to have her efforts and achievements, and what little progress she does, be acknowledged… And to be reassured by the knowledge that she IS improving, that she won’t always be a screw-up; I can see why the Coven System’s rhetoric of “If you put in the effort then surely things will get better” is such an attractive lie to Lilith… In addition to wanting to ignore how the Emperor’s Coven also turns around, and insists that most witches will only ever be good at this one innate talent for the rest of their life, so that’s the only thing they should stick to. Lilith wants to believe she isn’t like the rest, that she can grow and improve herself and be on top, that she’s the exception that the Coven System accepts as part of its Emperor’s Coven. Being a part of that group is basically being told that you’re better than everyone else, and the existence of a hierarchy is worth it to Lilith if she can have the chance for such validation, even at the expense of others… Especially, really.

And now that Lilith is at the Owl House, I’d really love to see Luz “We can fix this together” Clawthorne Noceda provide some support, if she’s willing… I think she can understand how it feels to not have your efforts to improve and grow be appreciated. Then there’s King, who I think has a LOT he can relate to with Lilith, over being someone who feels obligated to do terrible things, and justifies it because he’s not as well-off as others, and it’s unfair to judge him because you have it so much easier, you don’t know what it’s like for him! And maybe Eda could make it clear to Lilith that she DID understand, she always thought the world of her, and every little action Lily did for Eda’s sake meant a lot… Maybe Eda needed to be a bit more upfront about her appreciation herself, as did Lilith.

Of course, there’s also the revelation of the curse to go over as well, but… In the end, Eda just wants the best of Lilith, so every time Lilith DOES make progress, it really meant everything to her. She even sort of appreciated the lengths that Lilith was willing to go for her, to an extent- But when you consider what Lilith did to others (such as Luz), and how she did things that Eda never asked her to do; All while Lilith expected compensation for these efforts because she wasn’t totally altruistic (while expecting Eda to appreciate this under the lens of Lilith being a good sister, and not Lilith actively making up for something she caused)… It sometimes felt more like a disregard of Eda, rather than an actual regard. I can imagine Lilith letting the guilt of her mistakes crash down on her, and become resigned to the idea of being terrible and causing harm, and admitting that of course Eda had all of these expectations for Lilith that she’d never been able to live up to; She WAS the older sister, it was Lilith’s responsibility by blood to do that, and she failed! No wonder Eda depises her so…

And while those feelings did occur briefly with the capture of Luz, I think Eda and Luz can reassure Lilith that she HAS done good, that her change of heart was amazing to them, and it’s given them hope for Lilith. She’s no hopeless cause, Lilith has provided them plenty of reason not to give up on her, just recently she gave her best reason why by freeing Eda! And maybe Eda can admit that if Lilith went this far, and did these terrible things- Then maybe she wasn’t exactly in the best state of mind, and that needs addressing above all else. Eda DOES care, and it’s that care and love that led to her being so disapproving and distraught over what happened to Lilith, because she saw it all as harmful to her sister… And with Luz’s recent inspiration, and Eda’s feeling of having never accomplished anything up until her favorite human arrived;

Perhaps Eda will acknowledge that as the most powerful witch in the Boiling Isles, maybe she should’ve done more to really get into Lilith’s head, and get her out of that situation. Or at least, have Eda admit to Lilith that SHE was respecting Lily’s decisions too, hence why she didn’t try to force her… I think if Lilith brought up to Eda that she didn’t think her sister would join the Emperor’s Coven, even if it was to save her from execution- Eda would’ve insisted that she would, or at least she’d work to find a way out for the both of them. And that, I feel, would mean so much to Lilith, and both reassure and encourage her to make things right, now that Lilith understands that she DID get the love she was due, and that her efforts had been recognized.

She did put in the work, and Lilith did get the pay-off, in a sense… So she has a lot more incentive to keep working to make things right; In addition to also recognizing that she wasn’t getting that appreciation from Belos, who’s an utter lunatic and actually chose to hurt Lilith, only doing good things for her as a side-effect and/or if it’d benefit him- Unlike Eda. Your efforts aren’t for naught, and things CAN and will change for the better, if you put in the work- So don’t worry about them not paying off.

You’re not taking a risk going down this path… Its benefits are laid-out and guaranteed, unlike what you might get siding with the Emperor’s Coven, or using a curse that is ambiguous about its effects. All you have to do, Lilith, is make that personal decision, to take that initiative- And now that you’re with your real family, the rest will fall into place. Just as Eda provides a support network and a safety net for Luz’s own mistakes and exploration and risks, she can do the same for Lilith… You’re safe now.

TL;DR I think Lilith HAD been making effort and progress, prior to Agony of a Witch. And even if her issues with willful ignorance were still present, they hadn’t been as bad as I’d initially perceived. Maybe Belos’ ultimatum, forcing Lilith to realize what she valued more –her sister or the Emperor’s Coven- hadn’t been all that necessary, that maybe Lily would’ve figured this out eventually… Though you could also say too little, too late; But also, better late than never. In a way, maybe Belos’ ultimatum WAS better than the alternative of Lilith taking her time to eventually and inevitably have a change of heart, because as we see with the progression of the curse… Time is of plenty of importance, and the more that passes, the more we know will still remain, even after a hypothetical cure.

My point is, as terrible as Lilith was, I think we were seeing her change and learn, and become set on the trajectory for making true amends with Eda, before Belos came back into the picture. It wasn’t just Belos forcing Lilith into an ultimatum with Luz’s input, that changed Lilith’s heart… I feel that if this scenario had happened much earlier in Season 1, we could’ve seen Lilith act a little differently, perhaps with much less sympathy and understanding. I think there were genuine moments of learning and realization that led up to that fateful choice in Season 1, and I think it’s time I acknowledged this; That in the discussion of Lilith’s arc in Season 2, perhaps we need to remember that she HAD been improving, before Agony of a Witch came about.

Lilith wasn’t that hopeless, and she was doing better than I initially realized- Not much better, but it’s better than nothing of course. Let’s not give Belos any credit here, and while Luz has done an umimaginable contribution… It’s ultimately down to oneself to change, and all the effort in the world doesn’t matter if you don’t choose to change; And Lilith DID make that decision! If people think Lilith’s character development has been ‘rushed’, then it needs to be considered that maybe we already did see her grow throughout Season 1…

And so when Season 2 rolls about, it’s not out of the question for us to be pleasantly surprised, and see that Lilith has already figured a couple of things out, not just between seasons; But even on-screen, during Season 1! Sure Lilith had a relapse, but so did Amity, and Lilith also had to deal with the threat of execution, and the belief that joining the Emperor’s Coven WOULD cure Eda. I think Lilith actually, already made some decent progress on her character arc that is overlooked/forgotten… Her transition into the Owl House by understanding Eda and Luz’s points, may not be so rocky after all- I think Lilith has actually had a little bit of a headstart on that! So whenever I look at Lilith now, I can’t help but think;

...And maybe Eda feels the same way, too.

#the owl house #toh #the owl house lilith #lilith clawthorne #toh lilith #the owl house eda #edalyn clawthorne #toh eda #speculation #meta #character analysis

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conservativetranny · 3 years

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2020 blog update

Hello. No idea if any of you ‘remember’ me but I do seem to have a fair few followers on here. I managed to access the login information for this account and it is safe to say this blog is dead. I denounce everything I stood for on this stupid shit.

I’m writing this because it’s what the blog deserves. Not looking to be dramatic, not looking for sympathy, in fact I think i’ll get a bit of backlash for this but bring it on.

The past and the present- a summary

I had this blog when I was 14, unfortunately way too young to have a social media presence (one which carried any responsibility like this one anyway). No matter what age I said I was, no matter how I portrayed myself or how you, my followers interpreted me, I was a sad young trans guy desperately hoping to look big, cool, masculine and stoic, and that manifested in the most toxic way possible.

I’m 17 now, still very very young, and after developments in my life, especially pursuing my medical transition and becoming happy within myself, I no longer hold such toxic beliefs as I once did. I am happier with myself and no longer feel the need to sacrifice others’ dignity, respect, and unfortunately sometimes on this blog, privacy, for my own. I was a very insecure, stubborn, and ignorant teenager, who dealt with a lot of denial. I’m not blaming the way I treated people online on other factors, but of course external factors came into play. I was dealing with bullying and insecurity, with parental problems, and with loneliness and depression. I seeked some sort of community, and I wanted to push myself away from the ‘weak’ trans community (the way I viewed it at the time). I wasn’t in denial personally, with the fact that I was trans (being gay is a different story- I was in complete denial with the fact that I’m gay), more just with the way other people viewed me (I will expand on this). I could elaborate on the way in which I viewed other people and the way that projected onto my conduction online, but it is a complex and confusing story. I have completely changed my viewpoint on trans ‘discourse’, I am open minded, I am close friends with people I would have turned my ignorant nose up at years ago. I am so proud to say that I am a completely different person now. I grow every day, it seems, and I can assure that I will never return to this ignorant mindset.

Growth

With experience, I have grown too. Obviously, from 14-17 i have become more mature. I have different experiences now as well, for example, I don’t bind often at all really anymore, because its more comfortable and can sometimes make me more dysphoric to know I am binding. I’m bringing this up because I bet you back when I was active on this blog, I would’ve laughed at the more mature, tolerant me, and probably went on a tyrade about how I was a fake trans guy or less of a man for not binding. I often wonder what ‘old me’ would think of ‘new me’. Now obviously, three years isn’t a hell of a big difference, but to a 17 come 18 year old it is. I understand I am not an adult yet, but I’ve always taken pride in conducting myself with a sense of maturity and articulacy, and for this post and platform especially I feel it is appropriate.

The Truscum Mindset

Back when I ran this blog, I was in an echo chamber of like minded people, which didn’t help my ideological development. I watched youtubers like Blaire White and Kalvin Garrah, who I thought gave me a balanced, moderate, and fair opinion which is clear is not the case. Back then I would’ve scoffed at the idea of Blaire and Kalvin and other similar people as being radical or a gateway, but I urge you, if you feel you are slipping to obsession with those ideologies, to seek to widen your opinions and associations. I understand it’s a fairly niche discourse topic, but for me it opened a wider rabbit hole into the alt right. From wanting to fit into the lgbt and wider communities as a masculine male, this opened up the black hole of the alt right, I browsed (now deleted) subreddits and 4chan boards, and forums that put me in a very negative and dangerous place. If you’d like me to make a post elaborating on this, I am more than happy to, but this post is to address conservativetranny.

Denial and owning up to responsibility

Back in 2017/18, I was very much in denial of certain aspects of myself, especially my sexuality. I am gay. I thought that this was, and especially as a trans guy, a demasculating quality. I still deal with those feelings sometimes, as a lot of young gay guys do, but thankfully it does not manifest itself as toxic as it once did. I just wanted to portray myself online as how I thought I wanted to be viewed-I didn’t want to be viewed like ‘any other trans guy’. I wanted to be different, but now I can appreciate individuality and I can also embrace being trans as well.

I used to think that having alt views was the coolest thing ever, which contributed to my slip into the alt right, something on which I’ll elaborate on in later posts. I am now an advocate for deradicalisation, and being rational, truly rational. I’m also an advocate for maturity and owning up to your mistakes.

I have hurt people, especially in my personal life, throughout my time as a stupid, thoughtless immature teenager and i am sorry, from the bottom of my heart, for that. I now respect the hell out of those people and unfortunately, but definitely rightfully so, they have lost their respect for me. I don’t blame them, because as I said, up until very recently I was a horrible, toxic person. With maturity, in the past half a year I have been able to own up to my mistakes and I am now taking responsibility for that. No excuses, because I was a shitty person. Of course there is a line between excuses and justification, and I hope those which are reading this can distinguish and appreciate this difference.

Self Hatred and Truscum

Back when I ran this blog, it was very easy to tell I was self hating. Everything I wrote on here, pretty much, was hateful except for the odd two posts that were about something unrelated to my ideology. I was extremely dysphoric and in a bad place when I wrote these things and certainly projected my insecurities onto others. I wanted to find a community of different thinking people that would accept me, and this community was certainly the wrong turn. I had a feeling that it was wrong at the time, but I was too naive and cowardly to own up to it and seek a way out. I kind of just naturally fell out of it, a a lot of things happened in my personal life in late 2018 that forced me out of trans discourse and into much more toxic places like the alt right and true crime fandoms, and I think I’ve only recently ‘found myself’ in the past year or so. I might make a post on self growth on the future as I intend to keep this blog to elaborate and voice my opinions on deradicalisation and highlight the importance of owning up and self awareness.

Don’t fall into the rabbithole

I’m not too acquainted with trans discourse anymore, so I’m out of the loop on this one, but I’d imagine that there’s still ‘transmed vs tucute’ ideas. Kalvin Garrah’s community comes to mind, I haven’t watched his videos ‘as a fan’, if that makes sense, for a while now but I am aware he has a large fanbase of young trans teens that were in a similar mindset to where I was back when I ran this blog. I would love for this post to reach his opposers and supporters for that matter, as a means to show them that they don’t have to fall into this cycle of hate which can be very damaging. I used to be an avid fan of Kalvin, and Blaire White, amongst others. I watched exclusively their content alone and formed my opinions around theirs. If you’re doing that now, I urge you to consider other people when you do. Think about the people like Brennan Beckwith, people who were severely impacted and hurt by hateful rhetoric. Those people are human too, and with maturity you will learn that people with different experiences and views are, at the end of the day, the same as you, and they have feelings as well .I’m going to make a post in the future about Kalvin Garrah, certainly, but maybe Blaire White as well.

Why now?

You may be wondering why this post is being made now of all times, and that is a question that has every right to be asked. I feel as if this timing is right because I finally possess the level of maturity needed to own up to my mistakes and tell you that I was wrong and it was certainly wrong to post those opinions and mistakes online for all to see, and put people in my real life on blast like I did.

I had completely forgotten about this blog, and forgot about the rude and ignorant words I had written towards the people in my real life, until chance had it that I was in contact with one of the people mentioned in this post. [https://conservativetranny.tumblr.com/post/169351517511/no-one-pretends-to-be-trans]

I’m not going to go into the nuances of the conversation we had, but it turns out they had, for a while and definitely rightfully so been hurt by the fact that I had mentioned them, by name, in this post. And while I’d of course still like to keep these people anonymous and will not sacrifice their anonymity in order to tell a story or ‘save myself’, this post is quite funny to read back on as I am good friends with the people referred to as ‘P’ and ‘Shadow’ now.

This is the end of this post, as I feel I have said everything I have wanted to say regarding my previous conduct on this blog. I’m going to change my name on this blog and my bio as I do intend on further posts in the future. I’m not sure how many people, if any, this post will reach, but I’m satisfied I have written this anyway. I certainly do plan on writing future posts but I’m not exactly sure how to formulate them. But thank you so much for reading this far, and if you have, I appreciate it.

#truscum #transmed #ftm #trans #dysphoria #kalvin garrah #kalvin garbage #terf #deradicalisation #i have literally no idea how to tag this #tucute #do people even say that anymore lol

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starkerintheparker · 4 years

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starker reclist - canon based fics

Hi Starker fam! To celebrate my 900 followers I decided to finally start posting my humble and very personal reclist. I’ve been planning to do it for a while now but it got way bigger than I anticipated so I decided to split it in 4 parts and will share the first one today. I’ve been around for less than a year and there’s a lot I haven’t read yet so my plan is to update this list as I go.

Under the cut is part I, solely is dedicated to canon-based fics. I’m a sucker for angst so most of my recs feature guilty!Tony, miscommunication, porn with feels and all that jazz. Hopefully you’ll be able to find something interesting according to your preferences. Oh and don’t forget to leave kudos, comments and spread the love for these authors :) Cheers!

Last updated: 2020/04/18. All new fics added will be marked with ***

• 10 Ways to Woo Your Boo by @darker-soft-starker (NR, 6k, completed)

Summary: By twenty-one Peter Parker had graduated college, scored himself a post-grad job and was a full-fledged member of the Avengers. He had his own apartment, paid his own bills and juggled his time between being a superhero and working enough to cover his rent. So long as Peter was armed with his ID, he was a full-fledged adult in the eyes of the law. Perhaps foolishly, he’d assumed it would make him an adult in the eyes of everybody else too. Keen to be seen as worthy of Tony's heart, Peter enlists the help of his friends and the internet in courting his former mentor.

Review: We all love Ash’s fantastic AUs but this lovely canon-based fic may be one of my favorite works by her. I will never know how she manages the fine balance between angst, humor and romance, I just know it hits me good and takes my breath away. Oblivious!Tony and Peter being a bisexual disaster at wooing, what do you mean this wasn’t in the movies? Sounds canon to me.

• 100-Point Restoration by Destina (T, 8k, completed)

Summary: Tony needs a happiness upgrade; Peter wants Tony. These goals might be compatible. (This story is set roughly five years post-Homecoming).

Review: I just realized this was the first Starker fic I’ve read, and it was back in 2017! I didn’t ship Starker at the time but this author must have done something right because for some reason I couldn’t take my eyes away. This fic is gorgeous. Tony’s voice is amazing, his dynamics with Peter are spot-on and organic - but nothing’s better than watching their feelings unfold, like a soft and warm humming just awaiting for disclosure.

• adult supervision by doveslayer (M, 20k, on hiatus)

Summary: Peter Parker should not keep drunk-dialing Tony Stark after midnight. But more pressingly, Tony Stark should not keep answering. In which Tony tries to convince himself he's doing nothing wrong. warning: underage!Peter tho pretty vanilla imo

Review: My favorite “everything is happening while nothing is happening” fic. Their voices are spot on, the dialogues are clever, and you can almost touch the tension with your fingertips. It’s been a year since the last update but even if this fic never gets finished I promise the read will have been worthy!

• Attached by @paspleurer (E, 7k, completed)

Summary: Tony gets it, he really does. As far as rebounds go, sleeping with your childhood hero isn't half bad. And if what Peter wants is this— just sex, with no strings attached— then Tony will give him this.

Review: Pleurer and Learned Foot have seduced me with the rebound trope. This is a lovely Tony POV with the good old pining + miscommunication combo, plus enthusiastic sex and sweet domesticity. What else could I ask for?

• Covet by RTC anonymous (E, 34k, completed)

Summary: Peter has a new boyfriend. Tony starts drinking again, for unrelated reasons.

Review: I read this fic when I was still warily lurking around the Starker fandom and it blew me away. The sexual tension is so palpable you can almost taste it. There is jealous, guity Tony failing at mentoring and a vulnerable, smitten Peter Parker trying to make sense out of it. RTC anon is a religion.

• Ephemeron by @ramblings-from-elsinore (E)

Summary: "Being around Ned, Peter's reminded how out of place he is. For Ned, the second ever appearance of aliens over Manhattan is the stuff of excited hallway chatter, of where were you when—? Ned’s world wasn’t blown apart and stitched back together. Because Ned doesn’t remember. No one does, except the ones who were there, who fought." AKA, "Tony's relationship with Peter may be unconventional, but they’re unconventional people who have had some pretty fucking unconventional experiences." In which Tony can't stop touching Peter to make sure he's real, and Peter dreams of being in Tony's arms and not disappearing.

Review: I started reading this fic before I joined the fandom and man, what a way to get pulled into this ship. Brace yourself for hardcore guilty!Tony being all over the place plus unhealthy codependency and touch deprivation, all the good things. Reading this is a spiritual experience but fair warning: this is not a happy story, at least not for a long while, so please mind the tags.

• Expiration Date by @learned-foot (E, 12k, completed)

Summary: Tony knows exactly what this is. First big breakup, go for a fling with a completely inappropriate person. It’s basically a cliché. He kind of thought Peter was better than that, but apparently being brilliant and one of the bravest people on the face of the planet doesn’t mean he’s immune from being a stupid college student who makes stupid college student mistakes. AKA Tony is sure this is just a fling, and he deals with that about as well as you’d expect.

Review: Ahh my beloved rebound trope and my first rec (out of many) by LF! Between a pining, insecure Tony making all the wrong decisions and a young and confident Peter unwilling to let him go, this fic makes your heart ache in the best ways. Good thing LF only works with happy endings!

• From Thy Bounty by @ibby-writes and feyrelay (E, 31k, completed)

Summary: Tony’s eyes are always dark, but now there's almost no iris left. He looks hollowed out. There’s something terribly hungry there, despite the feast they've filled themselves on.

Review: I’ve lost count of how many times I reread this insanely hot and ridiculously well written fic. Besides the A+++ characterization, there is delicious food porn foreplay followed by a breathtaking cat and mouse game that culminates with no less than 13.5k of intense and unapologetic sex with feels, my favorite kind. Enjoy the meal! ;D

***Gift of Choice by tuesday (E, 12k, completed)

Summary: Tony Stark had a thing about giving Peter stuff.

Review: This is my favorite fic by tuesday and the PERFECT rendition of our beloved sugar daddy trope. Great pacing, amazing dialogues and a breathtaking build up that makes you both smile and sweat in anticipation. They’re so in love I almost can’t handle when they finally get together. Sexy, hot and very sweet.

• here is my hand, my heart by belatrix (E, 16k, completed)

Summary: Mostly, Tony had tried not to look. He still does. Try, that is. It’s just― it’s getting a little bit harder every day.

Review: I have a HUGE soft spot for this beautiful masterpiece, because it was the fic that finally made me join the Starker fandom. I’ve reread it so many times and it never fails to amaze me. Through an atmospheric non-linear narrative, this shows a guilt-ridden Tony Stark trying and failing to resist one determined Peter Parker who won’t take bullshit for an answer. Hot, and angsty, and breathtaking.

• I know that you got Daddy Issues (And I do too) by feyrelay (E)

Summary: The one where Peter’s blue balls save the world. Because, yeah? That meandering, blooming thing between him and Mr. Stark? That relationship that continues to be maddeningly legal, platonic, and above-board, but still somehow haunts Peter’s wildest wet-dreams? That might just be the key to Strange’s endgame.

Review: This fic is a love letter to those who appreciate an angsty and nuanced slow burn like me. Possibly the best character study I’ve ever read combined with a clever, well researched and intricated plot. Reading this will make you fall even more in love with Tony and Peter as individuals, before wanting them to be better together. Make sure to also check all related fics under the tag DIEU (Daddy Issues Extended Universe) - the Starker verse we fucking deserve.

• if I am the river, you are the ocean by sadonsundays (E, 7k, completed)

Summary: The one where Tony can't sleep and Peter can't stop his hands from shaking.

Review: This is a gorgeous recovery fic, painful and heartbreaking, yes, but still very gentle as Tony and Peter’s relationship quietly unfolds. Pepper is an absolute treat which was refreshing to me. I just love the quiet and angsty undertone that guides their journey until they finally find home in each other.

if you’d grant my love a pardon by belatrix (M, 2.5k, completed)

Summary: The first time, it goes something like this: “No,” Tony says, but it’s tired, half-hearted, not quite a denial.

Review: One of the reasons why I love this ship is that there’s always room for angst, even when they’re already together. This lovely yet heartbreaking fic mirrors Tony’s fragile heart as he realizes that as much as he should, he just can’t let go of Peter, not quite yet. Belatrix writes guilty!Tony’s headspace like nobody else and I just can’t recommend her writing enough.

• in the light of a dying star by @areiton (M, 6k, completed) fix-it

Summary: Extremis isn't a guarantee. That's what Pepper told him, as they took him off the bloody, dusty field. It was just a chance. A desperate gamble.

Review: I’m so glad I read this right after Endgame because this is the fix-it Tony and we all deserved, this fic is so comforting and beautiful. I really love the quiet, ethereal atmosphere and how it shapes our perception of time and character development. Peter is beautifully written and their get together made my heart ache in peace.

• In the Morning by @cagestark (M, 6k, completed)

Summary: Peter's pretty stressed. He isn't understanding physics despite all the extra time he is spending with Bruce. And underneath it all, something is wrong with Mr. Stark.

Review: Heart wrenching and painfully honest fic, where Tony is a jealous mess and Peter is his usual earnest, sweet and good self. They meet in the middle, and it’s quiet, beautiful and sad.

• Kiss Me by @ironspi

Summary: Five times Peter and Tony almost kiss and one time they did.

Review: This fic was such a lovely surprise! It begins unpretentious and it builds up to quality pining and unresolved sexual tension. Chapter 4 is particularly awesome, so charged and intimate. Kudos to the author for exploring Peter taking the lead and making Tony melt in his arms.

• Landslide by spqr (M, 8k, completed) fix-it

Summary: Peter jumps into the quantum realm with his heart in his throat. He steps out in 2018, on the edge of a lake he still has nightmares about. A hundred yards away over the water, the lights in the lakehouse are on.

Review: Morally ambiguous characters + angsty time travel? Count me in. This fic has a very interesting (and darker) take on Peter post-Thanos, in his raw and desperate grief over Tony. Bonus points for amazing dialogues and a fix-it plot so clever and believable I’m surprised I didn’t see it on screen.

• lean on me now by @areiton (G, 9k, on hiatus)

Summary: He’s so tired, and he hurts, the kind of screaming pain he’s struggling to ignore now, and he wants to go home. But he can do this. He can sit and watch, and keep them safe. A wry smile tugs at his lips because he knows how ridiculous that sounds--a kid keeping Avengers safe.

Review: One of the best canon divergence fics I’ve ever read. It’s quiet, angsty and Peter’s voice is simply amazing. My heart breaks for Tony, but I’m so here for Peter & Rhodey’s brOTP, the fandom deserves more of it.

• noticing by @areiton (NR, 2k, completed)

Summary: “You deserve to be happy,” Rhodey tells Tony once, when Tony is drinking and conflicted and Peter is sleeping unaware on the couch. Tony watches him, eyes bright.

Review: How could I ever resist seeing Tony and Peter’s relationship development through Rhodey’s protective and thoughtful gaze? Any Tony stan should read this fic because this is the kind of love, friendship and support he deserves. Reading this put my mind at rest, knowing Tony’s cared for, and safe.

• Obvious by @learned-foot (M, 14k, completed)

Summary: When Peter wakes up, several things become very clear all at once: he’s underground somewhere unpleasant, something is messing with his powers, and his entire body hurts. A lot.

Review: WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP *victory dance* god this one is brutal, but we can trust LF to bring on full angst with an intriguing plot and A+++ characterization. I’m so here for protective!Tony doing whatever it takes to keep Peter safe, including all the confusion and heartbreak his problematic decisions may bring.

• Permission by @cagestark (E, 16k, completed)

Summary: During drinks with the Avengers, Peter admits that he enjoys orgasms more when someone is giving him permission, though since he's single, there isn't anyone in his life to offer it. Generous Tony offers to offer it.

Review: This fic is unique and so very hot, but don’t let the smutty summary fool you. There is also tenderness and FEELS in capital letters. Despite their arrangement, pining!Tony is so vulnerable and so completely in love with Peter it kinda breaks my heart a little, but thankfully Cage is a big fan of happy endings like me, so we’re all safe in her hands.

***Post-Endgame NYE by @darker-soft-starker (M, completed)

Summary: Five years after the events of endgame Tony is resurrected. Months after that, he's still trying to find equilibrium

Review: Hands down the loveliest ‘flirting on a bench’ I’ve ever seen, and my top favorite NYE Starker fic. I love to see Tony facing an existential crisis while he navigates his new life post-resurrection, including the violent realization of ‘oh no, Peter’s an attractive adult now’. Gentle and gorgeous get together, kudos at Morgan for being a little devil and playing matchmaking.

• Proxy by @cagestark (E, 11k, completed)

Summary: Peter wants to know if Mr. Stark knows, like, anybody who’d be willing to make out with him. Things escalate from there.

Review: I have such a big soft spot for this fic because “by proxy” is one of my favorite tropes and Cage explored it masterfully. Again, this is pining!Tony at his best and Cage just has this ability to transform what once started as a sexy little thing into this soft and gentle love story, the kind that gives you butterflies in the stomach.

• Radar by @intoxicatelou (M)

Summary: Peter could say that he’s officially approached desperation, but he wants this, wants Tony, and he’s willing to do everything it takes. Or the one in which Peter tries to become Tony's celebrity crush from 2009 in order to seduce him.

Review: This is one of my favorites self-indulgent fics, I just can’t resist the good old “Peter’s seduction handbook” trope and intoxicatelou delivers it beautifully. This story is sweet, super fun and relatable af. There’s A+ pining, Peter being a bisexual disaster and MJ being the queen we all stan, shocking absolutely no one.

• Revelations by RTC anonymous (E, 127k, completed)

Summary: “I still don’t get it,” Ned says. “How you just... keep being ordinary in spite of all the craziness you’ve lived through. You were in space. You helped Iron Man save the universe. And nobody knows it was you.” His tone softens, becomes almost sad. As though he realizes that what he’s saying is so completely alien to him that he will never be able to understand this part of Peter’s life. “Peter, don’t you want people to know you for who you are?” An AU where they get the Gauntlet off of Thanos that first time, on Titan.

Review: I feel like I don’t need to justify this choice – almost everyone in the fandom has either heard of or read this masterpiece, it’s safe to say this fic is part of the Starker Training Wheels Protocol lol. If you have just arrived or is just exploring the fandom and enjoys slow burns I suggest you start right hee because it doesn’t get any better than this. There’s A+++ characterization, breathtaking pining, insane sexual tension and a very satisfying ending if I may say so. Definitely among my top 3 Starker fics. RTC anon, wherever you are, please know you are loved and appreciated. I’ll literally build an altar for you.

• Reversal by @learned-foot (E, 4k, completed)

Summary: Sometimes, Tony is the one who needs to be praised.

Review: For once Peter makes Tony just lie down and take 😊 the fucking 😊 praise 😊. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this fic all my life. This is the praise kink Tony (and we all) deserve, genuine, gentle and powerful. If you’re a big sap for their love like I am, you’re in for an emotional ride because this is overwhelmingly sweet to the point it brings tears to your eyes. LF is such a gift to this fandom.

• Settling by @cagestark (E, 5k, completed)

Summary: Peter really wants to be taller than Tony. Heels help.

Review: One of my favorites by Cage, I still remember how happy and giggly I felt when I first read it. There is A+++ characterization, amazing dialogue, Avengers domesticity, praise kink, the hottest blow job and my favorite Starker first kiss. Oh, did I mention Peter in heels and Tony loving every moment of it? You’re welcome :D

• Stipulations by RTC anonymous (E, 70k, completed)

Summary: Peter Parker’s long term dream recently went from ‘get into MIT’ to ‘afford going to MIT’. As the time approaches, it’s dawning on him that he won’t be able to pay his tuition and afford the move to Cambridge all at once: he’s out of money, his secrets are beginning to pile up, and desperation has started creeping in... And then one night, he saves Tony Stark’s life.

Review: Another fandom classic by our irreplaceable RTC anon, this fic is SO GOOD I keep coming back to it and just recently I realized I’ve built all my personal Starker headcanons out of it, lol. A+++ characterization and hot, delicious pining is a given with this author, but I’m really here for that senses-dialed-to-11 trope, and RTC delivers it masterfully.

• subtle by @areiton (T, 1k, completed)

Summary: Peter is not subtle. He wears his emotion, his excitement, like a flag waved bright red and teasing for a bull—impossible to go unnoticed, impossible to ignore. It’s adorable and it’s Peter, and it’s—in hindsight—why Tony misses the context clues.

Review: This fic is like reading poetry, a balm to the heart. Peter wears Tony’s colors and by the time Tony finally gets the context clues they fall together in the gentlest, softest way.

• Take it slow by tuesday (E, 13k, completed)

Summary: There were a ton of reasons dating Peter was a bad idea. Tony loved bad ideas. He was going to do it anyway. In which Tony thinks they're dating, and then they're dating undercover.

Review: This fic is so endearing it’s basically impossible not to cheer for these two, despite their usual infuriating communication issues, lol. But I promise all the angst and wait are worth it, because there’s nothing more satisfying than seeing how they (finally!) get to be on the same page.

• the record spins on the trails we blaze by @darker-soft-starker (NR, 5k, completed)

Summary: Years after the events of Homecoming, Peter thought all of the bad memories were well and truly behind him. After all, so much has happened since then - and he's happy now. Everything is kinda perfect.Turns out nothing stays buried.

Review: Hell yes! I agree HoCo’s events were particularly traumatizing and this trope is not as explored as it should be. To put it simply, this fic is something I didn’t know that I needed and Ash delivered it beautifully. It’s incredibly gentle, cathartic and honest, not to mention the lovely domesticity and understanding between the characters that will make your heart swell.

• Under Someone Else by @learned-foot (M, 7k, completed)

Summary: Peter realizes he’s just a rebound. And he’s okay with that, really. Or at least, that’s what he keeps telling himself.

Review: FEELS, FEELS EVERYWHERE. It’s so hard to choose a favorite fic by LF but this is the first that comes to mind because it introduced me to the amazing rebound trope. It’s so refreshing to see this ship’s potential for angst and miscommunication playing into the “fuck first, talk later” scenario. Warning for vulnerable boys being idiots and breaking our hearts but P.P.P.S they do eventually get their shit together and it’s glorious!

• Up for Anything by tuesday (E, 8k, completed)

Summary: When it came to Tony Stark, Peter would take what he could get. In which Peter believes he's just a rebound. (Not Endgame compliant.)

Review: Of course there’s yet another gorgeous rebound rec because I can’t get enough of this trope. Honestly, LF and Tuesday writing for each other have provided some of the best fics this fandom has, God bless them. This is another treat featuring pining!Peter and the usual “I can’t communicate properly how much I fucking love you”, but there’s also bantering, delicious dirty talk and so much affection that you’ll read it all with the biggest smile on your face.

#starker #reclist #peter parker x tony stark

333 notes · View notes

lizacstuff · 3 years

Note

I'm sure others will ask this but what are you thoughts on the episode of SCK?? I love your in-depth analysis lol. I personally loved it!!! Also can I just say that the edser/hanker chemistry is off the charts lol. If this was the first episode I watched ever, without subtitles, their scenes would be a giant neon sign that says "THESE CHARACTERS ARE MADLY IN LOVE!!!". Eda was beyond cute/in love/adorable in this episode with serkan, girl has got it bad and I wish she didn't have her stupid grandmother and these insecurities in the way ahhh. I really love the Ayfer/Aydan duo, they're fun when they're together and Ayfer wasn't annoying like the last few EPs. Also, Balca can go choke lol, I'm so glad Serkan didn't fall for her trap for him to stay over!! He was like nah come to the party (my girl is waiting!!!). Was serkan about to tell Eda that he had to stop by her house? He seemed really nervous. ANYWAYS, I love EdSer and am going to go watch their scenes 1000x before next week 😭🥰

Thank you! I love Edser too!!!! Like you, I enjoyed this episode, though it was despite some of the narrative issues (that I posted about here.) There were good, meaty Edser scenes, which is why I watch this show. Once again I'll start with the non-Eda/Serkan thoughts and then get to the feelsy stuff at the end.

Babaanne's introduction did not disappoint. The actress has the right energy for the role. I guess we now know why Eda has been adamant about cutting her out of her life, Babaanne is next level controlling and vindictive. We'll have to see how she develops and what her endgame motives are. Does she want her revenge more than she wants her granddaughter and daughter in her life? Or does she think if she wins and arranges everything including an advantageous marriage for Eda, Eda will eventually go along and decide it's awesome and reconciliation will come about that way? *evil laugh* She doesn’t know her granddaughter at all if she thinks that’s a possibility.

(more under the cut)

I enjoyed her non-Balca scenes, especially when she was going toe-to-toe with Eda. That scene in Serkan's old upstairs office was intense, both actresses really brought it and kudos to Eda staying true to her defiant character. No one pushes her around. Prepare yourselves to see her waver a bit, I'm sure it's quite jarring to see your loved one in jail and know that he's there because of you, but she'll get to the point of fighting beside him. I have no doubt.

It was nice to see Ayfer protecting Aydan and Seyfi, it made for some great comedy and it was a good change after all of Ayfer's annoying, unrelenting negativity in general and about the Bolats. We'll see what happens between the two now that they appear to be vying for Chef Alexander's attention. Nesilhan just cracks me up when she's portraying Aydan play acting, the stilted voice she takes on is always hilarious to me, like when Ayfer was introducing "Aisun" to Serkan. As we move forward, though, I want to see some badass Aydan. She was introduced to us as a force of nature, so I hope we see that woman, a woman who will go to the mat for her son and Eda, emerge at some point. No hiding from Babaanne long term. Everyone needs to gear up to fight!

Peril and Engin got married! Their scene at home was really well done and gave me a bit better insight into them and why they might work. The only thing I was disappointed about here was that Serkan was not their witness. He counts them as some of his only friends and they didn't call him? Come on, show! They could have easily structured the ep to have him get the call while there was chaos at his loft that morning and it would have been the perfect excuse for him to grab Eda and head to the wedding leaving the moms and Babaane to Chef Alexander. It wouldn't have changed anything about the episode because Eda still could have gone to do her thing after the wedding and everything else would have been the same, except it all would have had a bit more heart. Missed opportunity there.

I've decided that Ferit is a catch. At the beginning of the show he was just so naïve, that he seemed foolish, but he's really turned into a sweet, upstanding man. You hold on to him, Ceren. The irony in his relationship with Serkan is just outstanding to me, because ALL of this started because Serkan was willing to upend his own life (and Selin, Ferit and Eda's) will the sole goal of keeping Ferit out of his business, and now here we are 24 episodes later, Selin is long gone, Eda is the love of his life, and Ferit has turned into a solid, trust-worthy business partner and friend who is putting Babaanne in her place on the first day. Love to see it.

Balca, that snake just gets more unhinged as we go along. Good GAWD. WTF is wrong with her? Her eventual comeuppance better be big. I'm really to the point that I can't enjoy any scene that she's in, it's just too maddening, because neither Serkan nor Eda are taking her seriously enough. Which I realize they don't know what we know, but dang I hope Serkan is finally connecting the dots because her behavior is not normal. As Eda says, who gives a gift like that to their boss? Who calls their new boss instead of the police when there's an intruder in the house? By now he should be able to figure out she's manipulating him.

Also how was she not daunted when she called and Eda was there? What did she think would happen when he came to get the gift when he had Eda to get home to? On top of everything else she's shameless and delusional. As for the gift, that was creepy AF. Did she seriously think that her boss, who she's known a week, would be romanced by that? Or any man for that matter? Did Selin give her the impression he was so arrogant that this would be the perfect thing for him? As much as I want less of her on screen, I would like to know the thought process behind that embarrassing monstrosity. Because it was not a savvy move. But the good news is that no one was more creeped out by it than Serkan Bolat. It seemed to really unsettle him, which it should. It was nice to see Eda getting over her jealousy, perhaps that came with her decision to try and move forward. Before she was in this state of flux, deep-down wanting Serkan to be hers, but not being able to admit that and feeling an outside threat during that confusion.

I saw some criticism of Eda because she was openly mocking and dismissive of Balca. However, while I agree her behavior was a tad immature at times... Balca was totally asking for it. She's been at the company for mere days and her weird, manipulative, obsessive behavior is totally inappropriate. Also if she didn't take a hint from Eda opening mocking her, Eda picking out her gift from Serkan, Serkan deferring queries about his NYE plans to Eda, Eda being at his house when Balca called, I think we can safely say that Balca in unaffected by any of Eda's behavior, thus Eda isn't hurting anyone. While Balca is over here, claws out, trying to start a war. Balca is the villain here, not Eda for recognizing and making fun of it.

Despite the emotional inconsistencies between Eda and Serkan in this episode, during one scene they were hot, the next, one or the other was cold without rhyme or reason, there were many great conversations. I really enjoyed their conference room scenes in particular. Serkan confident and calming her down, Eda being enraged by Babaanne, but listening to him and letting him calm her down.

His little Eda Bolat coffee cup gag was priceless, he did succeed in both diverting her and flirting with her in one suave move. Also a nice bit of foreshadowing there, which there was a lot of this episode. Not just this and the bouquet catch, but also every single one of their domestic scenes.

As I said in this post, the rewrite, or whatever happened this episode, did cause some pretty big emotional inconsistencies from scene to scene. I know most people loved the scenes when Eda went to find Serkan, but it was a little whiplashy for me. We go from Serkan being calm and collected and happily flirting with her about being Eda Bolat at the office, to a short time later him being moody and standoffish with her at his house? It's understandable that he would be upset at her suggestion that she leave the company, but I would think the man that broke her heart for her own good, would understand why she might think of leaving in order to get rid of someone who is threatening him!

It just felt like a weird time for him to hit his threshold with her, especially since this was when they were supposed to be heading to Paris (huge writing fail that there was no "Oh I guess we have to postpone Paris" throwaway line). However, perhaps that was accelerated for him in the face of a real threat? Like if it was just another day he's fine with her waffling and their little contract game, but he feels in his bones that this is go time and he needs to find out if she's ready for what's coming? (Look at me finding reasons for the inconsistencies as I answer this ask, lmao).

Then the shaving scene was interesting. She starts by saying "Leaving was a dumb idea, I'm still here, I'll be by your side," which YAY and seems to me to be a huge step forward for her.... but then he doesn't feel it. Why exactly, didn't he feel it? So then she transitions to the biggest head scratcher of the episode for me, and I really hope it's a translation fail. She basically references the movie they saw and says, "If I could erase all memories of you, I would." Um... what? Is she really saying to him she wishes they never met? I sure hope there was some modifier in there, like "bad" memories only or something. It seemed way harsh and inconsistent with their feelings for one another. However, once he starts talking about being a machine before meeting her and his heart being too heavy without her, the dialogue is pretty great. He really bares his soul and she reciprocates with intimacy. The second half of this scene is absolutely lovely.

The visit to Aydan's house was interesting. At some point I'm gonna need Aydan and especially Ayfer to step up when it comes to Babaanne. Ayfer ran scared the whole episode and it's just not fair of her to leave the burden on Eda. Hopefully, she'll get there. There was a reason Babaanne told Eda not to tell Ayfer about the threats, and threatened harm to Serkan and family if she did so. I'm guessing Ayfer may be better equipped to deal with her mother than was suggested in this episode. The conversation about Eda running from her grandmother as a child and losing the bracelet was very affecting and well done, and thankfully Serkan was out of his sulky mood and in full-on supportive boyfriend mode. Phew, good to have you back, Serkan.

That throne Babaanne brought in was something else. Worth a good laugh. However, I feel like it highlights a few cracks we've already started to see in Babaanne's scary façade. First, there's the one I just talked about, with Babaanne not wanting Ayfer to know what she's up to, so we now know who might be successful in opposing her or might know things that could shut her down.. her daughter. Then this ridiculous throne move had to be her way of unsettling everyone, but as we see that fails with Serkan. He's pretty unflappable when it comes to her nonsense antics.

Then Babaanne singles out Balca as her ally, which on one hand, it was astute of her to figure out who was the outsider, ripe for the picking, but she straight up choose the wack job, who let's face it, is not going to be all that competent of a foot soldier for her, because she has no allies and she's not in anyone's confidence. Plus she made that critical error with the present being so off-putting to Serkan. Balca might be able to cause problems, but she can’t get Serkan to transfer his affection for Eda onto her, so her usefulness here is limited. Babanne needed to try and fool someone like Melo, Ferit or Leyla. Prey on the nice ones who might try to be accommodating just so everyone gets along.

Anyway, I loved the Edser scenes in the office, he brought her lemon water! My heart. And I loved the meeting with the inner circle. Serkan has a plan! Of course our boy does, he wouldn't be Serkan Bolat if he didn't. It's always fun to see how much they all trust him to lead them through these tough times. He will once again emerge victorious. It just may take some time on this one

Note Blaca wasn't invited to that meeting, someone already can sense she can't be trusted. In the meeting later with Babaanne, I loved how Eda was sitting next to Serkan at the head of the table, totally squared off against her grandmother. That blocking was not by accident. It showed them facing her. On the same side. Together. United. That's what we call foreshadowing and that's how they're ultimately going to defeat her. Together.

It's interesting to me that earlier in the day when Eda tells him maybe she should leave the company he gets upset, but when she shows up at his house and straight up says they can't be together, he's completely calm and is his normal confident self, talking her into staying the night with his usual ease. I'm thinking her manic rambling about him getting tired of her and her grandmother separating them was just too obvious of an emotional spiral after an exhausting day (that lasted 47 years and multiple wardrobe changes) so he didn't take any of it to heart.

As for the reason she needed a place to stay, WTF is Ayfer doing letting Babaanne stay in their home?? Kick her out for the love of God. I don't mind, since it gave us this fabulous sleepover, but come on woman, at one time you were strong enough to remove your niece from her which could not have been easy, where is your backbone now? Find it. Fast.

LOVED LOVED LOVED every second of domestic Edser. How cute are they? Serkan wheeling her dinosaur suitcase was so adorable. And how cute is it that he bought hot chocolate for her? And THEN, THEN when they went to look at the stars? My heart melted clean out of my chest when he said, "I'm already looking at the most beautiful star." Remember in 13 when he asked her, "How are you real?" and she basically told him to be careful or she'd get spoiled and expect that kind of romance all the time? Well apparently the romantic robot has an endless capacity to generate heart-stopping one-liners so she really needn't have worried.

Eda's phone call with the girls was another whiplash moment for me. So wait... all episode her trepidation has been around her grandmother interfering or Serkan getting tired of her, but now she's back to wondering if he can change? Ne? And she isn't articulating what she wants him to change, or talking to him about change at all, only asking her friends if they think it's possible?? The change thing made perfect sense to me in eps 20-22, because she was coming off of his lie that broke her heart, but now I can't figure out what she wants from him. I think this is another casualty of whatever writing changes happened in this episode. I really hope the writers pull it together and figure out what the character's headspace is and stick with it. It's one thing to yo-yo from episode to episode, but to yo-yo scene to scene is too much.

I know that they're trying to create suspense for whether she would meet him to ring in the New Year, and start fresh, but there are much more elegant ways to do this than constant retread conversations that don't make sense in context with the scenes that came before. Honestly, this episode had a LOT of wonderful scenes and humor and heartfelt moments, but it also felt like a franken-episode, like if different writers were assigned different scenes and then they assembled the episode without going back to smooth out the tone and emotions.

That leads us to Serkan discovering Eda in the bath. What do we think was going through his mind there? lmao. He looked exceptionally pleased and he did the jokey flirty thing, taking a mental picture, but then when she comes downstairs in her jammies, he has gone into stone-cold work robot mode. I suppose the best I can guess is that he knew she was confused, he knew he had convinced her to stay under the guise it would be platonic and the "last time."

He's always been a gentleman with her. So perhaps he felt compelled, for her sake, to keep it in that place, but seeing her in the bath send him into overdrive and the only thing he could do is throw himself into work to make sure the situation didn't go any further before she was fully ready? That's my best attempt at explaining it. Still she was flirting hardcore with him when she came downstairs, it feels like that was the moment he's been waiting for since episode 19, and he let it sail by. Ah well, at some point soon both their engines will be revving at the same time and we’ll finally get to the sexy times.

The next morning was 100% adorable. Serkan Bolat serving breakfast in bed. I swoon! What a sweetheart, because I'm pretty certain that Serkan does NOT like crumbs in his bed so this was a big gesture. And you could see how much she appreciated it, despite teasing him about the portion size. Eda, that breakfast would have been just fine by me, but if the girl has a big appetite, so be it.

Also, Edacim, it would be a lot easier to buy your "confusion" if you hadn't brought him a heartfelt gift that would have taken a good while, like weeks, to procure and then sketched in it for him!!!! She had to have been planning that for some time. Anyway, a very sweet gift and one of those moments where actions speak louder than words. We all want to hear Eda say the words "I Love You," but she just said it very loudly here in the form of this gift. Even if she wasn't fully aware she was saying it. It's obvious where her heart is, she just has to give herself permission to follow it.

This ep also brought the funny when half the cast of characters barged in on Edser’s little love nest. Good for both Eda and Serkan for refusing to be a part of the subterfuge for Babaanne. I'm hopeful we're going into a secret relationship/engagement storyline, but at this point I like that neither were cowing to her. Eda is an adult and it's nobody's business but her own where she stays the night!

It cracks me up that Eda and Serkan were discombobulated by the intrusion, had the silent #married conversation, and headed upstairs together. Mostly because they are the two in the dark, what are they going to figure out by going upstairs alone? What they really needed was to talk to any of the other people to find out what in the hell was happening. Not that I blame them for wanting to escape that scene together. However, what was beautiful was their connection in these scenes. They were functioning as partners, as each other's person, as the one each turns to when they need support (or escape). And that's really saying something since they were in a room full of the people they're both closest too.

Finally, I'm glad they spoiled the final scene in the fragman, because I would have been too stressed watching Balca's psychotic efforts in keeping Serkan away from the party, and Eda, if I hadn't known he would make it. As it was, it was too much to watch. They've done absolutely nothing to make her even a little sympathetic. I feel zero empathy for her, I don't understand why she's willing to take these risks. No man is worth it, girl! Especially not a man you just decided you wanted because of his initials! The character needs to serve her purpose and go. Soon.

As for Serkan making it in time, THANK GOODNESS. I don't think Eda could have handled being stood up again. Even taking her call was a mistake. That's why we have voicemail, Serkan. And clearly he should have called the police on his way. I sincerely hope that he finds out the break-in was a fake and that's what makes him realize what level of crazy he's dealing with. I assume, because he didn't know what else to do, he left Balca in his home and that's what he wanted to tell Eda right before the police arrived. I shudder to think what damage she might do there alone. Installing a hidden mic or camera for Babaanne? Going through his things? Planting more items. Ew. If that spec is right the place will need to be fumigated.

Serkan's gift was, of course, perfection. Talk about love in gift form, and did you notice that one of the charms was an "E" and one was an "S"? A sweet, heart-felt detail and a nice little nod to which initials really matter on this show. Interestingly, after a full episode of inner turmoil, once Serkan arrived, Eda seemed to be all-in. She was bubbly and happy to see him and definitely acting like he was her date. And then the hug! Finally! They've obviously been physically close in recent post-break up episodes, for example elevator, pottery, dancing, skating, but what a relief to finally have this pure, intentional display of affection from her to him. Also a cheek kiss! This show, I swear it makes me grateful for the most chaste of moments.

As I said in another ask, I think the, "Will you be my girlfriend?" was in Serkan's head. We didn't see him say it, she didn't respond and the audio was hollow like it was a thought or memory or dream. However, what I can't answer is why we heard that. Why put it in there? We know he wants them to get back together, so that line doesn't inform the audience of anything they don't already know. So maybe proposal foreshadowing? On the other hand, there is the line earlier in the episode that was voice over added after the fact (when Edser are in the small conf room and Serkan says he’s going home) so maybe they added the audio after the scene for some reason? I don’t know with this episode anything is possible.

Then, of course, Babaanne ruins their moment with her evil plan. Next episode will she be sitting on her throne stroking a hairless cat Because it feel like Babaanne may like a bit of evil aura to surround her. Anyway, next stop... jail! I'm honestly excited to see how the next ep plays out. We're going to go through some things, so prepare your soul, but I honestly think we may end the ep in a better place. (new cliffhanger notwithstanding) We shall see.

#Edser #sen cal kapimi #Sen Çal Kapımı #sckask #sck 1x24 #sck episode discussion #edser discussion #asklizac #Anonymous

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