#being scared every time i swallow. i hate how there is literally no way to tell if you will get long covid and no way to reduce your chance

[ashesbreadandbutter]

Sooo... Can we talk about Vox and Alastor Cause I'm literally obsessed...

Basically headcanons since of course I seen the post running around where Viv calls their relationship sad and complicated.

Being an 'angst-girlie' I HAVE to gobble this up so here's a few headcanons I immediately thought about.

Mentions of Valentinos acts against humanity so watch out for that. A bit, like a smidge, of kissing and making out mentioned as well.

For Starters

I happily wrote a fanfic for pics that @milariro drew (lovely artist, check em out!) and I think Valentino definitely plays a big roll in the fallout.

So Vox and Alastor were pals yeah, hung out, chit chatted, ate food together, even got close enough for Alastor to feel comfortable doing more intimate actions like cuddling and hugging and such.

I can't help but think of Vox perhaps being on the Acespectrum himself? He's giving "I will but I don't have to" so I get more demi vibes off of him. He probably doesn't give a fuck about anyone else like he does with Alastor so that's why.

I think he could build intimacy with others yes but he's so focused on his work usually outside of his competition.

Vox probably came to hell and started off really small and little so as he grew, he wanted to grow and took his time to try and get bigger. I would say that Valentino could come in here if not later when Vox seemed to develop feelings for Alastor and in doing so Alastor wants to return those said feelings but he's scared.

Scared of what? The unknown.

He probably is someone who doesn't like when he can't see what's going to occur or happen before it actually does.

He's a runner. Imma say that because I can be one. He cares for Vox but he can't stop the way his heart seems to race when they get just a bit too close...

Valentino probably comes in and ruins everything, most likely at a time when Alastor starts to get some sort of understanding on his own feelings and seeing Vox practically become infatuated with Valentino really leaves a void in his own heart.

Of course he wants to support Vox in his endeavors but... Valentino? Out of all people?

Alastor is most likely disgusted by even the thought of Valentino and seeing Vox so happy and eager with him sets. Him. Off.

A lot of arguments now, harsh words and such and really it's from Vox as he's confused and lost as to Alastor's behavior. He probably picked up on it and asked multiple times just for Alastor to brush him off every time so now that smoke is in the air everything is coming out.

Vox probably would confess he's in love with Alastor in this argument, tears, crying and all and Alastor can't help the way he feels about it

He feels he's at fault, and his airy silence doesn't help with all the anguish in the air already

He's scared. He loves Vox as well but something about the situation makes it hard for Alastor to swallow all the information and this leads to the 7 year disappearance

This mother fucker definitely leaves without saying a single thing to Vox and that hurts Vox more than anything else.

What else can Vox do without a single letter or sign as to where his friend went and of course he's going to know he's the reason to a certain extent

It definitely hurts both of them, like... World shattering.

Vox has no choice but to go to Valentino.

I can't help but analyze how Vox seemed... Happy? That he thought Angeldust quit when Valentino was raging. Vox does not love this man...

He of course knows about the things Valentino does... Or maybe... He doesn't? Like maybe he has an idea but he hates to think about it... He's never around when it actually happens to someone?

Valentino probably...has even done things to Vox himself?

Maaaannn like I said these aren't canon ofc but now I'm just rambling. Vox probably goes through similar ways of abuse from Val but he just puts up with it like everyone else? I can see him being so broken behind closed doors and when he's in front of others he puts on the cocky persona of his. It's something he's picked up from Alastor, smiling was a tactic all on its own.

He's unconscious of it but Vox thinks of Alastor all the time; when he wakes, when he works, etc etc and I think that in very little ways Alastor does the same thing.

Alastor definitely thinks of Vox often but he's so much better at hiding it. These two are so broken when they are alone.

I'm hoping they talk more about these two but OMG imagine so heartfelt ass communication after so maybe years... They definitely need it, to air out everything

And imagine that while they are Vox is speaking and Alastor is adamantly listening as he's always done and before he even knows it he's leaning forward, closer and Vox doesn't necessarily realize it until Alastor is just a breath away.

Tbh Alastor wouldn't even know what he was doing, it's like he's doing it unconsciously...no thoughts in mind and when Vox stops for a moment and just right then everything just seems to make sense? Alastor looks at him as if there's nothing but him and Vox would return the gaze before they closed in with a kiss

It's not just a little kiss either, it's one that starts off soft and gentle and leads into something hotter... Something raunchy as they cling to each other and hold each other.

Someone drew a pick with Vox being pinned against the wall by Alastor while kissing and I'll tag them (HERE) when I find them again but yeah it's like that.

It's like Alastor is letting off steam that's been trapped inside him for all those years even prior to his disappearance and he wants to be careful and gentle but he's... Excited, happy to have Vox in his arms again so he gets rough, biting, nipping, sucking until Vox seems to just completely become goop against him because in reality this is all he's wanted from Alastor... To be close to him, to hug him, to kiss him...

To help him, to protect him, to watch him grow and grow together with him.

Alastor still struggles with admitting it but he's just as happy to be with Vox too. (It's giving soulmates?? Soulmate AU ANYONE??! I'LL WRITE IT? PAY ME AND ILL START IT TODAY???!!! Support a disabled writer and I'll write whatever you want!~ current commission status: 3/5 stories to be done which I'll be working on right after this post)

Ahem...

But anyway they are married your honor!

I can see Vox coming to the Hotel after he manages to break free of Valentino. Maybe running off and disappearing on him and pulling an Alastor while Valentino rages at everyone else to find him. Velvet is broken between helping and not.

Vox coming to the hotel would be a shit fest to start off but... He is actually really helpful, and he takes the time to rebuild a connection with Angeldust and Alastor and he seems just so much more... Happy and genuine? And sometimes when Alastor notices he can't help but show a genuine smile as he admires Vox.

They would eventually come together to help publicize the hotel and WOAH are they banging!

The radio demon and TV demon have come together to help some crappy hotel rehabilitate sinners? Holy shit!

They reel people in from all over for various reasons whether it be fangirls shipping them or people actually wanting help and to grow...

They are happy together but...

Valentino and whoever is on his side of things definitely managed to also pick up on the sudden booming aura coming off of that hotel and maybe...maybe they'll pay a visit.

One that reminds Vox of everything that Valentino did to him and OMG imagine Vox having a panic attack or something, running off because he knows it's Val? Leaving Alastor to go hunt for him?

A fight would be interesting.

Alright alright, imma shut up.

I wrote this write the angst in mind but of course I rambled hahah. Either way, I said what I said. ÙwÚ

If you made it this far follow? Reblog? Comment???

MWAH 💋

- A

#hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin angel dust #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin hotel vox #angst #hurt/comfort #please commission me #writing commissions #i will write almost anythin #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #fandom #writers of tumblr #alastor x vox #vox x alastor #radiostatic #radio silence #alastor the radio demon #commission me #commissions #commisions open #taking commisions #fanfic writing #writer for hire #writing #writeblr #fanfic writer

[pepprs]

covid is such an evil evil disease and an evil evil thing to live through lol

#purrs #this isn’t prompted by anything im just thinking about it. i hate that thisis what life looks and feels like now and it might always be thi #way. i hate that getting covid feels like an inevitability even though i wear n95s and don’t go anywhere but work and have basically 0 #social life and have put my life plans on hold to wait for this thing to pass when it probably never will. i hate that lockdown was better #and easier than this in some ways because at least back then people were still scared and there still felt like hope and there was clear(is #) guidance and free testing and vax sites and whatever. i hate that free testing and public health dashboards showing covid rates and vax s #sites and all that shit have fucking disappeared even though the variants going around now are more contagious than ever. i hate the #mortifying ordeal of being the only person (or one of the only people) wearing an n95 and sometimes the only person wearing a mask at all. #hate that so many things have been lost and we are not taking time to grieve them or make sure that we are okay and will be okay. i hate #being scared every time i swallow. i hate how there is literally no way to tell if you will get long covid and no way to reduce your chance #of getting long covid or covid at all (aside from masks) just ways to make the symptoms less severe. i hate trying to bring people together #and stay away from people at the same time. i hate all the life that covid has taken out of me and the people i love even though thank god #know more people who haven’t gotten it than who have but actually that may not be true idk. and i HATE that because of covid and how #egregiously badly it has been handled everyone is just like.. perpetually tired and sad and we’ve accepted mass illness and death and #accepted that disabled people (esp those who are marginalized in other ways) are disposable when actually no fucking human being is #disposable and everyone should be able to live happy connected healthy lives and we could’ve ended this shit in EARLY 2020 without having t #deal with any of this absolute fucking NIGHTMARE. like god. i remember sobbing hysterically thinking we would be dealing with covid for 18 #months and now we’re coming on 3 fucking years and lockdown is over but the danger is even worse than it was and like.. no one cares anymor #and it fucking sucks lmfao. i am so tired. i need to move out. and i miss my friends and i miss my life and i miss having fewer things to #constantly worry about and i can’t believe how good and simple life was before this stupid shit. #delete later #i wasn’t planning on going on a huge rant lol sorry it’s just what’s on my mind this morning

[sansaorgana]

I’m not quite sure if your requests are open or not so if they aren’t just ignore this!♥️ but if they are, hi!!! I was wondering if you could do an Austin Butler/Buck Cleven x Reader who plays hard to get with him. She is like head nurse or something, a badass who was trained by her daddy in the arts of war, like I’m talking knowing how to throw hand grenades, shooting rifles or knowing how to work a plane despite her role in modern day 1940s society. I don’t like reading abt Y/N being naive yk?

hello! 💕 this story takes place when the boys are still in the USA and training. I believe I've read somewhere they actually spent two years in Texas so... the Reader is a girl from Texas and a daughter of one of the badass Colonels at the base who is training Buck and others. she is also a head nurse at that base (I assume they also had sickbays even though those were training bases...? I literally know nothing about the military lmao). I hope she will be strong enough for you 😌 I personally don't find every sweet and more period-accurate female character to be weak or naive but it was still nice to write a different type of character for once 😅

I might post less frequently in the upcoming days because I am catching up with my uni work finally after a few weeks of abandoning it to write fics lol

my inbox is open for blurb/short fic requests for major cleven 🤗

Bucky laughed at the sight of his friend going inside the sickbay after a training flight. He was going there for the fifth time this week and it was all because his friend had a crush on the head nurse, young (Y/N) (Y/L/N).

Miss (Y/L/N) was a daughter of Colonel (Y/L/N) – the Colonel (Y/L/N) – the scariest and the roughest man around. He had a scar right across his face and he was known for being so strong he could rip the tree out of the ground with his bare hands… or so the legend said.

His daughter was just like her father. She was feminine of course in her nurse’s apron and her hair done up neatly so it wouldn’t interrupt her work. Her hands were soft and her lips covered with red lipstick. But she was a tough girl who didn’t mind swearing a little and scolding all the boys at the base for their irresponsible behaviour. She probably didn’t know that they all acted this way just so they could get to the sickbay and be treated by her.

At least that was the case for Buck.

She sighed at the sight of him and rolled her eyes as she approached him when he entered the room.

“Major Cleven… Again?” She raised her eyebrows at him and he blushed. “What is it this time?”

“I am… I am dizzy,” he made up a pathetic lie and she huffed at that as she pointed at the chair for him to sit down on.

“I will give you something for that but if you keep having troubles of this sort, I’m gonna tell my daddy to not send you to Europe, you know?” She teased and he swallowed thickly at that comment.

“Please, don’t, Miss (Y/L/N),” he pleaded, his eyes carefully following her every movement as she looked at him with a smirk.

“Well, we don’t want weak pilots like you to defend our country, do we?” She teased.

“It’s not because of flying… It’s… I don’t know, it’s something else,” Buck hated himself for the way he acted around her. She was so intimidating but so tempting at the same time. The fragile part of his masculinity was simply scared of her but his other, brave side wanted to be around her all the time. And he was very well aware how many other men wanted her, too. But his feelings were real. It had very little to do with desire. He was serious about her.

She approached him and handed him a pill and a glass of water. He swallowed it and she squinted her eyes at him.

“I swear to God, you boys are the worst bunch I’ve ever dealt with,” she shook her head. “I hope in Europe I will handle real men,” she rolled her eyes.

“You’re going to Europe, too?” Buck asked as he widened his eyes.

“Of course, Major. It brings me no pleasure to be here and help buffoons like you,” she chuckled. “I signed up already and my daddy wants me to be assigned to the 100th.”

“That’s where I will go, too,” Buck’s eyes sparkled as he realised that she wouldn’t get rid of him so easily.

“Oh God…” (Y/N) sighed. “I hope you’ll be long gone by the time I get there.”

“I hope not,” he blurted out and she froze for a second before laughing.

“Oh, you’re cute, Major,” she admitted before walking away to deal with the next man entering the sickbay, coming up with some fake injury just to feel her hands examining him and hear her mocking tone scolding him for his irresponsibility.

You liked Bucky Egan because he was funny and he didn’t care about you. He could have any woman he wanted so he wasn’t showing off when you were around – or playing a victim like so many “injured” Majors, Captains and Lieutenants. You were growing sick of all of them, coming to you with every single papercut and making puppy eyes at you.

You were having a beer with Bucky behind one of the buildings in the evening. Consuming alcohol was forbidden but who would fire you? You were a daughter of the roughest Colonel in that base. And Bucky was under your protection – and one of the best pilots around.

“Alright, but if you had to go out with any of them, who would that be?” Bucky asked, teasingly.

“For fuck’s sake, John,” you rolled your eyes and leaned your head back to rest it on the wall. “It would be you.”

“But I don’t want you,” he laughed.

“You…,” you hissed at him and you both giggled. “That’s why I would go out with you.”

“Oh, you like the ones who don’t want you?”

“No, I like real men,” you told him. “Like my daddy is.”

“You know that my best friend is madly in love with you, right?” Bucky pushed your arm playfully.

“Curt Biddick?” You asked. God, that one was insufferable.

“Yeah, him too. But I mean the other one.”

“Buck Cleven?” You asked as you felt your cheeks heating up for some mysterious reason.

“Yeah, that one,” Bucky nodded. “He’s a good guy and a hell of a pilot. He’s tough, too, just in a different way.”

“Yeah, he’s cute, bless his heart,” you admitted.

“So, you’d go out with him?” Bucky raised his eyebrow at you.

“Stop playing matchmaker, it’s not gonna happen. I ain’t dating any man from this base,” you took a sip of your beer as you shook your head.

“Why not, though? You don’t want to marry a man like your daddy? I thought you wanted to,” Bucky asked.

“Y’all would be scared of a gal like me, let me tell you,” you giggled. “I can shoot a rifle and throw a grenade. My daddy wanted a son, you see. But my momma gave him only girls so he raised us like boys,” you told him. “All that discipline, I ain’t joking, Bucky,” you pushed him because he was laughing. “We had to get up at 5am, make our bed, do morning gymnastics,” you teased.

“Really?” His face became more serious.

“Nah,” you shook your head. “Only sometimes. But he took the whole business of teaching us self-defence very seriously. I remember asking him, where the hell would I even get a grenade from in case some boy was following me home, daddy? And he said: easy, sugar, they’re in my drawer next to the gun,” you laughed and so did Bucky.

“You know what I think?” Bucky put his bottle of beer down and shot you an odd glance you did not like at all.

“What, Egan?”

“You’re gonna get angry when I tell you.”

“Just tell me,” you rolled your eyes.

“I think you need a man who’s gonna see a woman in you. Like yeah, we all know you’re tough and shit. And all these boys want to be around you because you’re like a mother that they have left back home in the way you scold them and take care of them. But I think you just need someone to see a woman in you. Has anyone ever…?”

“You asshole,” you indeed got angry. You didn’t want him to be right and react in such a predictable way but you did.

You stood up and went back to the building to go to sleep, leaving Bucky Egan without a word.

You didn’t know what Bucky had said to Buck but Major Cleven hadn’t visited the sickbay in a week now and you hated to admit but you missed it. In fact, you were the most excited when it was him coming inside with some adorable injury or illness. There was something about him that was making you swoon even though you would never ever admit that. 

On that weekend most boys had a night out and you stayed inside the sickbay to deal with the paperwork. One of the head nurse’s duties sadly required filling some papers, too.

After a while, you heard a light knocking upon the front door and you sighed before standing up and opening them, shocked to see Major Cleven.

“Major?” You asked. “What is it again? The mysterious dizziness has had its comeback?”

“N-no,” he shook his head.

“Why aren’t you out with all the boys?”

“I didn’t want to go,” he admitted and you squinted your eyes at him.

“So you decided to catch me in an empty room instead? I have a gun here and I know how to use it,” you threatened although it was hard to believe that a man like Major Cleven would ever hurt any woman.

“I wanted to ask you if you’d go out on a walk with me, Miss (Y/L/N),” he widened his eyes at your threats. “It’s a warm and nice night.”

“Ugh, fine,” you shrugged your arms and grabbed a cardigan to put over your nurse’s outfit. He waited for you outside nervously with his hands in his pockets.

“I don’t want to be a bother, we don’t have to…” Buck told you as you were locking the door behind you.

“You’re lucky, Major, I needed a distraction from the papers,” you told him and joined him.

“Yeah, the paperwork. I don’t like it either,” he looked down and you two began to walk slowly towards the gates leading out of the base.

“And who does?” You chuckled and looked at him as you bit on your lip. He was adorable; something about him was making you feel protective. But on the other hand you knew from your father he was one of the best pilots and he was a man of honour. Your father was usually rolling his eyes at the mention of most men at the base. But never about Major Cleven. Your father rarely respected the young and new ones but something about that Major was making your daddy go easy on him.

“I wanted to apologise, actually,” Buck told you when you two finally left the base and began to walk alongside its fence.

“Hm? About what?” You asked.

“Bothering you five times a week with made up dizziness or papercuts,” he laughed nervously.

“And what made you apologise? You’re not the only one who’s been doing that, Major, but you’re surely the first actually saying he’s sorry,” you raised an eyebrow.

“Bucky told me it’s annoying you and that it’s not really a way to get to you,” he admitted as he looked up at your face.

“Why the hell would you want to get to me? You’re a sweet man,” you snorted at him. In the dim light of the moon and the base’s lights from afar you could see him blushing.

“What does it have to do with it, Miss (Y/L/N)?” Buck asked.

“I’m not sweet, Major Cleven. A guy like you… You should be out there in town with them boys and look for a sweet little naive doll for yourself,” you teased him. But deep down it hurt you that it was true – you were raised for a tough girl but sometimes… Sometimes you wished you were softer.

“You think so low of me, Miss?” He only shook his head with a nervous chuckle. “That type of woman you’ve mentioned… They’re nice and kind, I don’t mind them, they’re sweet, yeah. And they make good wives to lots of men but you… You’re the first one who actually impressed me,” he confessed.

You went silent for a moment. You liked that he wasn’t complimenting you while saying mean things about others.

“You’re a real gentleman, Cleven,” you pointed out. “And so smooth. You’d be a sensation if you stayed here in Texas.”

“Would I?” He stopped his walk and so did you as he turned around to face you better.

“Yeah. But if you stayed here, you’d soon realise there are more gals like me ‘round here. And I’d lose all the charm,” you teased.

“Then maybe I’d finally leave you alone, which I assume is your wish.”

“Oh, far from that,” you risked as you raised your eyebrows, waiting for his next move.

He hesitated for a while and then he smiled smugly and joined his lips with yours in a sweet but passionate kiss that took your breath away.

Bucky had been right – it was nice to be treated like a woman.

“Will your daddy shoot me for that?” Major Cleven asked with a chuckle after finally breaking the kiss.

“It’s not him you should be worried about. I can shoot, too, Major, and my daddy wouldn’t get rid of the best pilot,” you teased.

“But you would?” He grabbed your chin gently.

“The best pilot? Surely. But would I get rid of Major Cleven? Never,” you chuckled. “God, I’ve missed your made up migraines,” you confessed.

“I can fake more of them,” he smirked.

“Yes, please,” you chuckled and leaned in to kiss him again. “But let’s keep it a secret for now.”

“Why?”

“Because if my daddy finds out about us, he’ll make sure we won’t be sent to the same base in Europe and we don’t want that, do we…?” You looked up at him, your heart pounding so fast in your chest as it had never done before for any man.

“Oh, no, no, we don’t want that at all,” Major Cleven bopped you on the nose. “Who will deal with my headaches there otherwise?”

MASTERLIST || BUCK MASTERLIST

#sansaorgana: Answered #lovely anons #*buck #lilysfiction #gale cleven x reader #austin butler x reader

[mizutenshii]

I'M IN LOVE WITH A KILLER.

— pairing ; kaneki ken x human!gn!reader

— summary ; you knew he had to kill and eat humans in order to survive, but seeing the actual traces of the act hits different.

— cw ; mentions of blood and human consumption, pinch of angst, fluff and some comfort if you squint, est. relationship

the dark stains on his white t-shirt provided you with enough information to figure out what kaneki had been up to before you found him in a dark alley. the knowledge was such a stark contrast with how he was currently looking up at you with innocent eyes, but you knew better; he just got back from a food hunt.

your stomach churned with nausea as you looked at the boy in front of you, and your thoughts were a battlefield currently. you knew he ate humans regularly, but this was the first time you actually saw traces from the act, making you realize how real it was. kaneki had just killed and eaten a human that was likely to be innocent, and the thought was absolutely sickening to you. someone's life just ended in one of the most horrid ways possible, and the cause of it was right in front of you. it made you want to run away and throw up.

but then there was your rational side, knowing that the boy had no other choice if he wanted to stay alive. you also knew like no other how much kaneki hated eating humans, and how much he despised himself for having to do it time after time again. you were there when he forced himself to eat human food over and over again, shoving it in until he passed out because his body got too weak. you were there when he almost literally starved himself because the guilt of eating humans became too much for him to live with. you were there every time kaneki broke down because he hated being a ghoul.

it was all so double, the mixed feelings that fought for dominance almost dizzying you. but there was one thing you knew for sure; you didn't want to lose kaneki, and in order to do so, you had to live with the fact that he ate humans. 

kaneki's expression had grown anxious while the long silence dragged on, and you quickly set all your worries aside. you slowly sank to the ground and took a seat next to him, leaning against him more than you leaned against the wall.

"does the blood scare you?" the boy asked, his tone cautious and laced with the same fear that was present on his features.

you entertained the thought for a moment; did it scare you? quickly after, you resolutely shook your head. you weren't scared, it was better to be described as shocked. knowing and seeing were two different things, and while you were used to bearing knowledge of his diet, seeing him covered in blood made you awfully aware of his dinner.

"you seem disgusted," kaneki pointed out as you remained silent, to which you nodded.

"i am," you confessed. "i've always thought i was okay with it, but finding you like this is a hard pill to swallow. it goes against everything i'm supposed to stand for."

"i'm so–" the ghoul began, but you cut him off.

"don't apologize," you hushed. "you just want to live, like everyone else on this planet. you're only doing what you have to do in order to survive. you would die if you didn't hunt, and i don't want to lose you."

you snuggled a little closer to him, getting as comfortable as possible on the pavement in the forsaken alley. in response, he wrapped an arm around you. you were torn between two sides, like you always were ever since you met kaneki.

you were raised to hate ghouls, just like every human being on this planet. kaneki was the enemy of mankind, you were supposed to despise him, report him to the CCG as soon as you got the chance. yet, here you were, allowing the line between hunter and prey to blur, getting close and falling in love with a killer.

finding your lover covered in blood left you in shock. your thoughts were a whirlwind and you were still trying not to throw up right there in that bystreet. but you promised him that you accepted him, completely abandoning your healthy human morals. you were a traitor, you realized once more.

"i love you," you muttered, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath to calm yourself. you buried your face in the crook of his neck, deftly ignoring the stains that were so painfully visible even in the dark.

it wasn't a lie, and you weren't trying to convince yourself. you really did love him, and you just wanted to let him know that finding him covered in blood didn't change anything.

"i love you, too," kaneki replied, relief dripping from his tone. he held you a little closer, as if he was afraid that you'd change your mind and run away from him.

mizutenshii — 3O.O9.2O23 — masterlist

frankly, maybe there was a part of you that wished to do so – the final strands of human sanity that lingered. but you didn't listen, abandoning your rationality and staying by his side.

#nana writes #kaneki #kaneki ken #ken kaneki #tokyo ghoul #anime #tokyo ghoul x reader #kaneki x reader #ken kaneki x reader #kaneki ken x reader #tg kaneki

[itoshi-s]

I think you know enough hq characters at this point so, who do you think in haikyuu would fuck their step-sis and why is it tsukishima (also ushijima but hes more lowkey)?? - 💔

🥲 if u were to crack my silly little head open and take a look inside. this would be the only thing u see. just pure hell pure chaos nothin else. NONNIE.. do u really want me dead :(

cw stepcest, dubcon, timeskip tsukki n ushi

sob sniffle sister fucker tsukishima. i am literally going to lose my mind thinking about him. he’s so mean, shrugs all your tears and whining off whenever the sibling banter pushes a few too many buttons. it’s just how he is and you’ve grown used to it — his snarky comments and how he could spark all sorts of deepest insecurities w just a few teasing, light hearted comments. but kei nii doesn’t rly mean that, and you know it. it’s just how he is, with the kindest heart buried somewhere deep under the cocky demeanor — that’s what you think, until you come home from uni for holiday break and go out one night.

you take a few shots too many, those airhead friends of yours that kei never really liked busying themselves w some random guys, and you end up calling him to pick you up. there’s some creep at the club that just doesn’t let up, you’re a little scared, and your phone is almost dead. he’s the only person you really know that’d actually pick up at this late hour and come get you — he’s your brother after all. and yet, you regret ever calling him in the first place as soon as you get in the car, listen to him calling you even dumber than he’d thought of you, jaw slack and eyes firm yet tired behind his glasses as he drives. you hold back tears on the way home, and for the very first time in your life, you feel like kei nii might actually hate you :( and that he meant every single jab he’s gave you throughout all these years. he tugs you inside the house, unaware of your silence, and grumbles something about u being lucky that mums not home to see you this fucked up. you sit at the edge of your bed, shaky fingers struggling to undo the straps of your heels, and kei lets out an exasperated sigh as he crouches down in front of you. he slaps your hands away, works on unclasping the straps and tells you you’re hopeless. you’re just so annoying with how reckless you’re being, he’s got practice tomorrow morning and yet its 3 am and he has to deal with you — careless as always. he sets your shoes aside and is about to get up and leave when he hears the choked little sound. a tear or two falls on his hand and he looks up — breath hitching in his throat upon his step sister crying. he’s seen it so many times before, being the very cause for your tears more often than not, and yet this time, he’s confused. you wipe at your eyes, a poor attempt to hide the heartbreak, and swallow back little muffled cries. you tell him you’re sorry, that you never wanted him to hate you. you’re sorry that you’re annoying, sorry that you’re being a bother as always. kei watches in sheer astonishment as your bottom lip wobbles, still glimmering with your gloss. just don’t hate me, nii chan. he almost feels bad, for the first time in forever, as you sit there in your tiny black dress, with those pretty long falsies on, and cry your heart out — for him. its the exhaustion, he thinks, it has to be as he reaches a hand up and rests it on the back of your neck. he calls you silly, wipes a thumb below your eyes and furrows his brows a bit — he could never hate you, why’d you even think that? you really are a dumb thing. he’s just tired and not thinking straight, kei’s sure, as he leans up to press his lips to yours and taste you. your tongue is heavy with intoxication and shock, and he makes out the faint vanilla of your lip gloss and remnants of liquor as he kisses you, languid and sloppy, something to slow down the haywire in your mind. he could never hate you, he repeats, easing you down on the bed and hiking your dress over your hips — groaning when you give him the prettiest wide eyes, glossy with tears still but oh, so hopeful. kei nii is a good brother, despite his sharp tongue and teasing nature — and makes sure you never, ever doubt his love for you again :(

ushijima though,, he’s a whole another story you’re so right. i’m p sure he doesn’t even give you any remotely dirty thought — anything that would be immoral considering your relation. you’re his little step sister, and there’s nothing more to it. sure, he’s never been too close with you — always solely focused on his career — but he does appreciate you. you’re nice, sweet and caring with the way you always pick him up from the airport or fly over to some of his games. (you always cheer for him the loudest, and grin wide as you tell the couple sittin next to you that the ushiwaka is your older brother.) you always welcome him with the warmest hug, standing on your tiptoes to wrap your arms around his neck, and laugh as he squeezes you — welcome back, nii chan, i missed you lots. he’s no fool and sees how you’ve grown into a beautiful young woman, too. he’s aware of all the looks you get when you two walk down the street and how it’s hard to keep count of all the boyfriends you’ve mentioned before. for some reason, none of them lasted, though, and yet you’d always brush it off and give him a small smile when he asked if you were okay. wakatoshi doesn’t know a lot about girls in the first place, but you’re a whole another enigma. like i said, i think he wouldn’t even dare think of you in any other way than purely platonic — and so, you render his entire giant frame putty when you first crawl into his lap with that pretty little glint in your eyes. barely a minute earlier you were just scrolling down your phone, w your legs in his lap as he goes through his calendar — next thing he knows, his little step sister is grinding down on him, breath minty on his lips as you moan. large palms rest on your hips and it takes all your willpower to stand your ground, considering he wouldn’t even have to put any work into pushing you off. he fixes you a confused look, eyebrows knit together and voice low when he asks what are you doing, why are you— you cup his handsome face in your hands, a manicured thumb pressing to his lips and it shuts him up ridiculously quick n effectively. s’alright, nii chan, it’s nothin’. you need him bad, you tell him, and prove your point by the sinful roll of your hips against his hardening cock. you see he wishes he could deny you, that he could tell you that it’s wrong and fucked up and that you can’t be doing this — cause you’re siblings, blood bound or not — but his silence gives him away. always so blunt and straightforward, your nii san now sits completely quiet, and you know that the cogs in his mind must be struggling, but if he had any second thoughts abt all of this — he would’ve already told you. but he doesn’t tell you anything, doesn’t speak at all before he exhales and pulls you flush against him, lips finding yours with way too much ease. toshi nii doesn’t have to speak at all — his actions do it for him, as he has you all spread out n making the prettiest noises for hours on end that day </3

#✧.* ✉ zari’s mail: 💔 anon #nghhhh THIS HAS ME SLOWLY GOIN INSANE SHSJJSXHXJSI #kei especially </3 he’s got me all choked up i love love looooove him he’s so mean #ushi bein all ffed up in this head of his he’s so cute. i wanna bite him #but in all honestly some of the others i’d think would ABSOLUTELY dick down their stepsis are #kags.. 10000% you cant tell me otherwise #AND last but def not least the one and only oikawa tooru. NGHHHHDHDHDH #everyone always bein head over heels for him but they don’t know he only has eyes for his lil sis </3 najdhakshsksksjsj STOOOOP #he’s so deranged . this clicked in my mind sooooooo quick u get me ??? she’s always there to give him all the praise he needs #there’s no one else that matters for her. only tooru nii #always </3 and he goes completely n utterly dumb on the ego trip #thx for comin to my ted talk. if anyone wants to elaborate feel free #now brb gonna go sob abt this #haikyuu smut #hq smut #tsukishima smut #ushijima smut #haikyuu x reader #ushijima x reader #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #★ ‧ ₊ after hours

[quartz420]

Fallin' for ya

Geto Suguru x reader

Synopsis: Suguru and reader heavily pine for eachother, that's basically it ☆ Reader has no gender, fluff, pining, everyone kind of playing matchmaker ☆ Words: 1241 ☆ Note: Just felt like writing a short pining fic for him, like i need to this guy happy that's all

“And that is why digimon is better than Pokémon.” Gojo exclaimed. His hands waving in an exaggerated manner, Shoko sighed while exhaling some smoke. “Satoru, that’s gotta be the worst take you’ve ever had, everyone knows Pokémon is way better. Digimon is just a rip off.” The duo continued arguing. Geto, on the other hand, gazed into the distance; his mind preoccupied by other thoughts. He hadn’t been listening to the conversation for a while now and his friends quickly took notice of that.

“So what is it you’re thinking about instead of proving Shoko wrong?” the white haired teenager question. “Don’t tell me, is it the first year?” Shoko soon joined in. “It probably is, he’s got it bad for them.”

Geto groaned loudly, leaning more into the wall behind him. “Trust me, I really don’t.”  His hand started fiddling with the flip phone in his pocket; the two glanced at each other and snickered. The girl began: “Sure, we totally believe you. Because you totally don’t stare when they pass by.”  Gojo added: “And you absolutely do not release some curses, simply because they find it cute.” Geto lifted his hand and flipped them off, his eyes avoiding any type of glance. Sure he may or may not have done a few of these things, but that didn’t mean anything. Right?

“You guys can keep being dumbasses, I’m going to the vend-”, his phrase was interrupted when he saw you walking with Nanami and Haibara. He watched as you carelessly buzzed your way through whatever story you were telling, you hair bouncing with every step you took. Your laughter filled his ears in a weirdly pleasant way. “See, there he does it again. He’s staring Shoko.” Gojo interrupted his train of thought. “Shut up, I’m not staring.”

“Bro we literally saw you!”

“Hey Suguru!”  The black haired male felt his heart almost plunge out his throat as he recognized your voice. You were steadily approaching while dragging an unwilling Nanami along with you, he felt himself almost grip at his jacket. Gojo snorted while tapping him on the shoulder: “Good luck, don’t try to die over here.”  Geto never wanted to slap him so bad in his entire life.

“Hey guys, how was the mission?” you asked. Your fingers twiddling with your uniform, the two other boys followed soon after. Gojo countered: “Nothing the strongest can’t handle, right Suguru?” Geto nodded his head silently, not even trying to speak. His eyes were heavily avoiding yours, as if he was scared to even look at them. “Oh yeah, I just remember something.” Your hand went into your pocket, pulling out a pink flyer. “There’s this new bakery around the corner, apparently they have the best apple tarts.”

Haibara joyfully added: “Yeah, didn’t you want to ask Geto to come with you?”

“Haibara! C’mon man, he wasn’t supposed to know!” You softly yelled, hitting your oblivious friend’s shoulder. You felt a wave of embarrassment flow through you, fingers slowly grabbing the flyer a bit harder. Geto wasn’t sure if he heard it right, he didn’t even have the time to ask before his rowdy friend interjected. “That is perfect because he just felt like asking you too, isn’t that a coincidence?” Gojo obnoxiously swung his arm around him, his slender fingers poking his cheek. Geto didn’t even think about asking you, in fact, he did not know the bakery at all. “That is perfect then.” You softly giggled.

He couldn’t take it anymore. Your smile, the way you talked, the small charms on your blue backpack; he suddenly was aware of every single detail about you. He hated the feeling of nervousness when he was in your presence more than swallowing curses, he didn’t even understand why. Was he sick? Maybe he disliked you?

No, that wasn’t it. He never felt the need to get closer to anyone he disliked, so why did you have this effect on him?

“I’m going to get a drink at the vending machines.” Geto stated, lifting himself of the wall. He quickly turned his way to the machines and tried to rapidly march towards them.  While he walked away, Nanami didn’t miss the way your shoulders slightly drooped. You continued fiddling with the paper, as you felt too nervous to go after him without a reason. The blonde shook his head slightly, taking out some coins and handing them to you. “Could you get a drink for Yu, he’s thirsty.” Haibara let out a sound of confusion: “But I’m not, I got my water right-”

“Yes you are.” He gave him a look and leaned his head towards Geto, the brunette quickly caught on. “Oh yeah, you’re right. I did want some strawberry milk” You whispered a quiet thank you, as you excitedly ran after the after mentioned boy. Your cheeks hurt from how widely you were smiling, but you suddenly felt apprehensive. What if he didn’t want you there? Maybe that’s why he left. You looked back at your friends with a nervous look in your eyes, but they sent you a thumb up. Encouraging you to move forward.

Geto stood there, inserting coins into the machine. His action was disrupted as he noticed you approaching, and he suddenly felt nervous; wondering if his hair looking fine, maybe he should’ve combed it more this morning. “Finally caught up to you.” You happily exclaimed. “What are you so fast for?” Your joke went right over his ears, as your face caught his attention. Since when did you look so pretty?

“Becomes a habit after running a lap every day, that idiot Satoru has me running everywhere.” He faintly smiled. His drink made a loud crashing sound as it fell to the bottom; he crouched to grab it and then stood back up. In that time, you already caught your breath; you nervously searched for something in your bag. “I saw a store with sweets when we came back.” You still continued looking, after a while, you pulled out a green packet. “Saw this and thought you might like it, they’re apple candies. Since your technique can be quite unsavory at times, these may come in handy.” Your cheeks only grew hotter as u handed him the treats, your hands slightly trembling.

The boy was speechless. You brought him candy for the aftermath of eating curses, nobody really thought about that before. He gently took the candies into his hands, the cartoon apple on the packaging staring him back. He glimpsed back at your form, you face holding a sheepish smile; it hit him that he hadn’t thanked you yet. “Thank you…it’s very nice of you.” His stomach filled with butterflies, he suddenly couldn’t look at you in the face; as he felt his own being engulfed by an unfamiliar heat. The blaring noise of a bell cut the moment short.

“I should head to class; I really can’t be late this time.”  You turned your back as you prepared to head back; you turn to him for a last time and flash him a sweet smile. “I’ll see you at 5 pm, we’re going to the bakery.” He watched as a quickly headed back to your friends, while his own return to his side. “So, the bakery huh?” Shoko teases but he didn’t ever acknowledge her, the butterflies didn’t go away. But he didn’t mind.

Maybe feeling this way wasn’t so bad after all.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jjk geto #geto x reader #geto suguru #quartz_writes

[motte-the-goblin]

Little Jedi Gone

Authors Notes: ok so I wrote this ages ago and never uploaded it because of... who knows actually. I reread it yesterday and was like wait a sec THIS IS GOOD. so yeah here it is! I had a loooot of feelings after Season 2 lol. "Betaread" only by myself (like 20 times) as per usual I will not take responsibility for tense- errors.

Cyare = beloved (Mando'a) Jedi general oc / clone force 99 , OCx Tech (established relationship) Warnings: "Plan 99" aftermath, (Graphic?) depiction of violence, Grief , Dark side, Mentions of murder and Also literal murder Basically… This is aggressive and it also hurts.

thought I npt some cuties for clout, if that's not cool, let me know!!

@doublesunsets @danceswithsporks @freesia-writes

____ 

"How?" My voice is nothing more than a low snarl. 

Omega flinches at the noise, her cheeks still tearstained. 

Instinctively she curls into Wreckers side, who is sitting right next to her and he wraps his big arm protectively around his little sister. 

I didn't want to scare Omega, never. I loved that girl like she was my own but in this moment I saw blood red. 

No Tech. 

"He fell…" was the only thing that left Hunter's lips when they returned to Cid's after Eridau.

All of them battered and bruised, eyes red from the tears shed and empty, only pain left in them. 

Echo put his hand on my shoulder, lingering for a moment, squeezing it gently to convey our shared pain. 

None of them dared look me in the eyes as they walked past me, headed to the back of Cid's parlor. 

Hunter, wrecker, Echo… Omega following slowly, tears still streaming down her flushed cheeks. 

"How?" I repeated my question directed at the others. 

The knot in my stomach tightened, choking me, nausea creeping up my chest. 

For a moment that seemed endless I just stood there. My fists clenched at the sides of my trembling body. 

I had given them an hour after they arrived but I couldn't wait for answers anymore. 

The anger and sadness sitting in my chest so thickly that I couldn't breathe. 

"Everything went wrong when we ran into Saw Gerrera and his rebels.", Hunter finally sighed. 

"They had planted bombs all over the compound… Tech…" he swallowed hard at the name of his lost brother. 

"He… we tried to convince them that it was stupid to blow up the summit. It would accomplish nothing! But he didn't listen." 

Hunter gritted his teeth, almost hissing his spite filled words. 

"The explosion caused the rail line to short-circuit and…." Echo chimed in, his voice trailing off immediately, not wanting to say it out loud. 

Omega's silent sobs grew louder as she gripped onto Wrecker tightly, his thumb drawing circles on her back to try and calm her despite the big Clone being on the verge of tears himself. Omega always came first. 

"He will pay for this." I slammed my hand on the table so hard it should hurt but I couldn't feel anything besides the anger boiling over inside me. 

I needed the anger. I had to lean into it otherwise I would be left with the pain… and I couldn't take that. I wasn't ready to feel that yet. 

So I gave into the raging hate and stormed out of Cid's towards the Marauder. 

With every molecule inside my body I focused on him. 

Saw Gerrera. 

"Show me where that bastard is hiding." I hissed through clenched teeth, digging deep into my connection with the force. 

Usually I let it guide me like a gentle breeze, a lover's hand gingerly holding mine, leading the way. 

But not now. 

This Time I seized it, grabbing hold of the elusive feeling, molding it to my will. 

I could feel the burning of the dark side creeping into my heart but I didn't care. 

I didn't care about anything anymore. 

My Tech was gone. 

He was gone and I knew whose fault that was.

That extremist Bastard would pay for taking my Tech from me. 

Images flashed before my closed eyes. 

A planet. 

A city. 

A building. 

Gererra. 

"Gotcha!" 

I powered up the ship and without looking back I took off into the dark void of space, sight blood red. 

I never saw my squad exiting Cid's, looking for me, never heard Echo quietly steadying Hunter, who was immediately making plans on how they could track and find me. 

"Maybe it's best we give them some space right now, Sarge." 

Never saw the hurt in Omega's eyes, wondering if I'd left them for good. 

______ 

Oblivious to the worries of my squad, I had only one incentive on my mind. 

Finding and killing Saw gerrera. 

Letting the force guide my way, I activated the hyperdrive and jumped to lightspeed. 

My Robe billowed in the wind when I ripped the metal door out of its hinges. 

My face an ugly grimace of fury and madness, my double blade saber lit in my hands. 

"Where is Gerrera?" I growl, dragging one of the guards towards me at his neck. 

Choking on his own breath he couldn't even answer me if he wanted to. But that didn't matter to me, I simply invaded his mind and took the answers I wanted. 

Hurling him into the wall, I made my way into the building. The second guard followed his buddy into the wall with a snap of my wrist. 

_________

There weren't many people in this outpost and the three rebels I encountered on my way I flung across the hallway so hard they lost consciousness. 

I didn't want to kill anyone… 

Except gerrera. He would definitely die today. 

Slowly and painfully. 

There he was now. Sitting behind a big desk, looking up at the armed and cloaked intruder in confusion. 

I was going to make him suffer, make him feel every ounce of pain he caused me. 

I stuck out my free hand, locking onto Gerrera's throat with a force grip, raising him slowly out of his chair and slamming him into the wall behind his desk. 

The confusion on his face shifted into fear in a split second. 

My lightsaber pointed towards the man, I took slow steps around the desk in his direction. 

He tried to speak, probably wanting to ask who I was,  what I wanted. 

But I was crushing his respiratory tract, so no words came across his lips. 

The darkness was clinging onto my heart, seeping deeper into my mind, nipping at my sanity as I stood face to face with my victim.

"You took everything from me." I whispered. 

It was not a quiet, shy whisper. My voice cut through the silence like a freshly sharpened knife. 

I wasn't finished with him. 

"And for what?" I spat the word in his face. 

He was clutching his neck, desperately trying to catch his breath. 

I could see his face slowly turning blue and relished in his anguish, but I wasn't going to let him die yet. 

With a thump he fell to the floor as I released my grip on him. Frantically gasping for air, Saw looked up to me, trying to regain just a smidge of power over the situation. 

Placing one of my boots on his chest I bend down to his eye level, crushing any hopes of him reclaiming control. 

"Every last one of them survived. You didn't even accomplish anything with your fucked up little plan! 

You're a fucking failure!" 

I turned my back on him, allowing the panicked man to garner some composure but my focus never left him. I could feel every tiny shift of his presence in the force. He wouldn't be able to escape or overwhelm me, even with my back to him. 

I pressed my Foot down onto his Chest, digging my heel into his stomach. 

With a quick jerk of my leg I kicked him in the teeth, causing him to spit blood and a chipped tooth. 

With a low buzz I turn off my lightsaber, sheathing the handle on my belt. 

I wasn't going to need this just now. 

I wanted to feel his bones crack in my own hands, the warmth of his blood on my skin. 

"I am your end." 

Behind me Saw finally manages to force out some pressed words:

"Who the fuck are you?"

If I could've seen myself right now I would not have recognised me. My eyes were bloodshot, a faint yellow circle forming around my usually dark purple iris, my face a caricature written in wrath and fury. 

Saw spat out another mouthful of blood and scoffed. 

"It wasn't my fault the plan went south! If those stupid clones…." 

His words got stuck in his throat as I whipped around putting my half lit lightsaber to his chest, the brimming blade almost singeing the fabric of his shirt. 

Panicked, he snapped his head back at the sudden threat. 

"Don't you dare!" I snarled. 

"Don't you dare put this on them!"

Moving just a little bit closer with my saber I leave a simmering mark on his chest. 

His face warped with pain, Gerrera sharply breathed in through gritted teeth. 

Pulling the blade back I take a swing with my free hand, my fist colliding with his jaw with a satisfying crack. I grab his jaw hard, digging my nails into his cheeks. 

The fear growing in his eyes as I forced him to meet my own crazed stare painted a cold smile onto my lips. 

Slowly I dragged his body up the wall by his chin until we were eye to eye again.

"How does it feel, knowing you will die?" 

"How does it feel knowing you failed, Saw?" My voice was icy and calculated. 

Before he could even attempt to answer, my knee shot up into his unprotected crotch, a pained groan leaving his gaping mouth. 

With a low growl I hurled him across the room.  As he crashed into the opposite wall I lept after him, grabbing the collar of his shirt to prop him up against the wall. I started throwing my fists at him frantically, landing blow after blow, blood sputtering out of his Mouth. A tingling in my stomach grew into a deranged laugh as I kept hitting every inch of his face and torso, watching him slowly lose consciousness. 

"Cyare" 

I grabbed a fist full of his dreadlocks, slamming his bloodstained head into the wall. 

"Cyare what are you doing?" 

"Tech" 

The soft voice in my head forces me to pause, Saw's mangled body collapsing onto the floor as soon as I loosened my grip on his hair. 

It feels as if a thick red fog was lifted from my mind and for a moment I could see clearly again. 

"What are you doing?" He asked again, his voice saturated with worry. 

Weak Visions of my beloved Clone passing before my eyes, I stumbled back falling against the desk in the middle of the small room. 

No, you're gone.  

Hazily I looked down at my shaking hands. My vision was slightly blurred but I could see the blood on them clearly enough. 

How could I hear him? 

He couldn't be a force ghost, Tech wasn't force sensitive. 

Clutching my Hair with my hands I could slowly feel my sanity slipping. 

I was losing my mind and I hallucinated his voice in the process. 

"I told you I was your end." 

The quiet rustling of Gerrera's body shifting in the corner of the room pulls me back and the red fog crept back into my mind, the dark side pulling my strings as I light my saber, slowly stepping over to him. 

I position myself above him, looking down on his swollen and bruised face. 

Enough play. 

I scoffed imperiously at his desperate and useless attempt to shield himself by weakly lifting his arms up. 

My blade had already pierced his chest, forcing a choked gasp from his busted lips. 

Staring down into his face I watched the light slowly leave his eyes, his gaze trailing off from where we had stared at each other.

As Saw Gererra, famous Rebel Leader, took his last breath, the darkness seized my heart entirely. It dug its roots deep into my soul, polluting every last inch of my body. 

"Are you there?" 

I deactivated my lightsaber, resheathing it onto my belt again. 

Taking a step back my gaze lingered on the dead body. 

Staring at the mangled form of the Man that stole my love from me I tried to figure out what feeling was twisting my stomach. 

It wasn't relief but neither was it regret. 

It felt as if someone wrapped my intestines all around my other organs and twisted a knot around it. 

But for some elusive reason it felt… almost empowering? 

In a sick, perverted way. 

I wasn't consumed by my rage anymore, instead I felt dangerously calm. 

We. 

I stood in front of the Marauder, staring up the ramp. Seeing the ship stirred something deep down, trying to break through the thick layer of darkness that had engulfed my heart.

It was the closest thing we had to a home. 

"They took Omega. Hemlock has Omega. Please come back…. We need you." 

I had almost forgotten about my squad. 

How could I have forgotten them so quickly? 

Furrowing my brows I tried to find the love I knew I had for all of them inside me. 

There was nothing, nothing but festering darkness. 

In my mind I knew it though. I knew I loved them, but I couldn't feel it anymore. 

Not like before. 

It wasn't a warm, safe feeling anymore, instead it filled me with a devouring fear. 

Fear of losing any more of my loved ones. 

"General… please." 

Hunter's raspy voice emitted from my half forgotten vambrace for a second time and I dragged my eyes down to my wrist, staring at it not really able to grasp what was happening. 

First Crosshair, then…

Tech… 

I choked, but no tears built up in my eyes. 

There was no sadness, only blistering rage.

And now Omega, too?

The forlorn tone of my sargents voice finally pulled me back into reality. 

"I'm here." 

My voice was shaking, still a few octaves deeper than it usually was, laced with an almost sinister tone. 

"Please repeat." 

Cid did what?

"Oh, it's so good to hear your voice!" Hunter sighed relieved on the other end of the comm. 

"Hemlock took Omega, Cid sold us out… we need you on Ord mantell, now!" 

A familiar burning hot rage started bubbling in my throat once again. 

What's one more murder. 

Or two. 

A grin that could only be described as evil flashed over my face as I imagined gutting that treacherous lizard Bitch. 

And when I'm done with her I will find Hemlock. 

I will find him, rip his lungs out and feed him his own eyes. 

"I'm on my way." 

I would get Crosshair and Omega back and I'd kill anyone who dared stand in my way. 

I would never let anything happen to my family again. 

divider by @samspenandsword

#star wars #the bad batch #tech #bad batch #tbb fic #the bad batch fic #star wars fic #ocxtech #Spotify #rage #hatefic #fanfiction #star wars fanfiction #tbb fanfiction #dark side #dark side of the force #fallen jedi fic

[zalrb]

Loyalty {SE Fic}

I ended up writing an SE fic. I was stuck on an original project but had writing energy. Alas.

Elena lay on her bed. Even that simple act, the act of just being, exhausted and confused her but she was committed to doing nothing because it was the least stimulated she'd been since turning. The hunger never dissipated, urges she'd never imagined tempted her --- the urge to hunt, to feed, to kill, but it wasn't all physical. The emotional toll of her new condition was what had pushed her into bed.

She didn't know what to do.

Vampirism had revealed another dimension to her love for Stefan, it was undying, unending, a bottomless well of emotion that both overwhelmed and comforted her. She yearned for him even when she was with him because she knew eventually, for whatever reason, they'd have to leave each other to go about their days, even if he needed to go to another room, she wanted to go there with him, a second away from him was a second too long; the simple touch of his hand, briefly brushing against him as they passed each other, roused her emotions and desire and she wanted to bury herself in him. He assured her, smiling, that she'd be able to control the intensity in time even though a part of, the part of her that didn't care if she never got anything done, didn't want to.

But Damon persisted in a way she didn't expect or even exactly welcome. Each time she saw him she found it difficult to concentrate on anything other than what it would be like to give into him, she wanted him under her or above her and she wound up thinking about it often, dreaming of it, hallucinating it, not what it would feel like to experience him but what it would be like to finally give him what he wanted, how good he would feel and how good she would feel for making him feel that way.

Maybe that was why she'd blood-shared with him. A clandestine moment in the bathroom at The Grill, which in the moment had felt thoroughly satisfying, she was satiating her hunger with a willing participant, the blood had frenzied her and hearing Damon sigh, feeling his affectionate hand in her hair, feeling him against her, feeling him happy and turned on it ... pleased her. She was pleased he was pleased. And then it was over and she never wanted to see him again.

Damon had told her not to tell Stefan about their moment and so she didn't. It felt like betrayal what they did in that washroom, her gluttony combined with his desire, and not telling Stefan about it caused her more pain than it did guilt. She hated not telling him everything in a way that made the secret feel like a literal stone weighing down her body.  At the same time she didn't want to betray Damon's trust either, the thought of that scared her. Every time she thought about telling Stefan, every time she opened her mouth to try, panic roused in her chest at doing something Damon had told her not to, at the possibility of him not trusting her or confiding in her and that made Elena stop. She didn't know what that was or why it was or how to stop it and she stayed up nights, pacing, trying to figure out where her split in loyalties came from.  

"Elena."

He was there, in her house, and she felt excited and disappointed in equal measure. Looking at Damon, standing in the doorway, Elena confirmed what she already knew --- she didn't feel for him what she felt for Stefan, but she couldn't stop her curiosity, she couldn't stop the way her body was drawn to him.

"I can't stop thinking about it," he said. "The bathroom."

Elena wanted him to go and she was keen for him to stay.

"I know you're thinking about it too," he said.

She swallowed hard. "No," she lied. "Anyway, it didn’t work. I threw it all up, remember?"  

Damon walked into her room. "So let me feed from you. I just need to feel it one more time."

Elena felt suddenly angry. Stefan was the only one who had fed from her and he would be the only one to ever do so. But his words coiled within her head --- I just need to feel it one more time --- she wanted to give him something.

She bit her lip. "Maybe I can feed from you again?"

"Yes," he said eagerly, walking up to her. "You need blood from the vein and I’m right here.”

It should be Stefan. She should be feeding on his desire. She wanted to. The thought excited her. So why did this excite her too?

"Just one more time," he whispered. “That’s all I need.”

Elena felt herself getting flushed at his neediness. He bit his hand and she reacted immediately, taking his hand in hers and gorging from him. The blood felt good, felt necessary, she hadn’t realized how hungry she’d been. Damon’s relief, his satiation reverberated throughout him and Elena could feel it, how she was scratching an itch, and then suddenly he was flung away. She looked up. Stefan had rushed into the room, pushing Damon off of her, making him stagger back. He went to advance, grabbing Damon by the throat and Elena told him stop.

"Stefan, it wasn't! He didn't---"

He turned to her, eyebrows furrowed then he looked at Damon who was grinning smugly. He let Damon go when it dawned on him what was happening and Elena's whole world was torn apart at Stefan’s realization. Anger had left his eyes to be replaced with a devastation that shook Elena to her core.

She quickly wiped Damon’s blood from her lips. She wished she'd throw up like last time, she wanted to purge.

Stefan didn't say anything, he didn't think he could, he didn't think he was present in his body anymore. No, he was removed, looking in on himself, on Elena and Damon, the entire situation, as if he were someplace else. He had detached from the emotions that had threatened to overcome him in the moment, and then Damon spoke.

"Just trying to keep your girl satisfied."

Elena could've killed him. Stefan turned around and punched Damon in the face, and when he rebounded, he punched him again and again and again, smashing him into the walls, crashing into dressers and desks.

"Stop it! Both of you stop!"

Elena couldn't sort it out. She felt protective toward Damon, an alien sort of anger toward Stefan for hurting him, and a desperation for Stefan to stop so they could talk, so she could explain, so she could try and take away his pain somehow. She needed him to look at her.

Damon blocked and dodged a few of Stefan’s blows, getting a couple in himself, but Stefan was unrestrained, holding nothing back, pummelling him until Damon stabbed him in the gut with a piece of broken furniture and Elena flinched violently, as if the wood had pierced her instead.

"NO." 

Elena ran over and pushed Damon away, falling in front of Stefan, holding him on either side of his face, bringing his head to hers so their foreheads touched.

"You're OK," she whispered urgently, pressing her hand against his wound. "You're OK, you're OK."

Stefan couldn't help it. Even now, her pull was undeniable, focusing him, grounding him, binding him to her.

Elena turned her head slightly to look at Damon, to wordlessly ask him to leave, to release her for just a few moments. He rolled his eyes, wiping the blood from his mouth.

“I’ll be waiting for round two,” he said before staggering out the door.

Elena quickly bit her hand. “You need blood.”

Stefan couldn't stomach it, tasting her blood after she'd tasted Damon's, it made him feel sick and yet even now, he longed for that connection with her, to know her, to be with her in any and every way imaginable.

"Blood bags," he groaned.

"I don’t want to leave you to get them right now, Stefan, please."

           She was anxious, he could tell; she could never bear to see him hurt and now, so soon after the turn, he could see that being in this state was gut-wrenching for her, and he hated seeing her in pain as much as she did.

He tentatively pressed his lips to her palm, intending for a perfunctory feed but once he tasted her blood, he drank from her with earnest.

Elena threw her head back, gasping as her body shuddered with a euphoria she wasn’t prepared for, that guided her to Stefan's emotions, his desire, his pain so that she felt it all like they were her own and she felt him explore her feelings. This wasn’t what happened with Damon, not really. She could see it, the washroom, the hunger, the pleasure, the guilt and then she quickly withdrew her arm, realizing that Stefan had felt that too.

Stefan got up, walking to the other side of the room, hands on his hips, a chaotic energy making him pace back and forth. Elena watched him, her hands pressed to her lips.

"So, it's him," he said finally. "You wanted to choose him, you love him, you've always loved him..."

"That's not true," said Elena at once.

"You keep feeding from him," said Stefan. "You went to him before me, you--"

"I don't know why I did that." He didn't understand her confusion. "Stefan, I love you."

"Don't."

"I do," she said. "I love you so much."

The words were a lance straight through Stefan's chest, partly because he didn't know if he believed them and partly because he knew that he did. He closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly.

Elena sped to the other side of the room, putting her hands on either side of his face once again.

"Look at me, look at me. Please? Stefan, please. I meant what I said. You? Picking you?" Her earnestness brought tears to her eyes. "The best choice I have ever made."      

"But?" he said, his voice hoarse.

She looked at him, pained.

"There's a 'but' right?" He insisted. "But you love him too."

"No," she said through gritted teeth.

"Then you want him too."

"He's who you want." 

He wasn't. But he was. Not in place of Stefan. Never in place. But what she felt for Damon now was more than she'd ever anticipated, she couldn't, try as she may ignore it.

"Something's changed..." She puts her hands to her mouth. "I can't explain it but I can't lie to you, there's this ... this attraction to him, it's..." She shook her head, running her fingers through her hair, "it's like, it's, it's consuming me?"

Stefan only nodded, trying to keep the emotion from crumpling his face.

"It doesn't mean that I don't love you, because I... I literally didn't know the way I feel about you could have more ..." she struggled to find the words. "Depth. You told me how everything is magnified now and what I feel for you is-- " She put her hand to her chest, sighing deeply. And she knew from the way he furrowed his eyebrows, the way his eyes shone that he understood what she was trying to communicate because that was how he felt too.

"But..." She choked out the word.  "This Damon thing is just, it's ... I can't get rid of it and I just ... I don't know why this is happening?  I'm kind of ...” The tears made her blubber. “I’m kind of going a little bit crazy, you know? Thinking about him, but if I could make it stop I would."

Stefan found himself retreating into complete and utter dejection. He smiled sadly at her. "You're hiding."

"Stefan."

"You chose me because that's what you want to want."

"Why are you saying this?" 

"It's what you think you should want."

Elena felt an anger burn through her, an anger that he would ever speak of their bond this way, that he would ever minimize her feelings for him, but something kept her from telling him that even though losing him made her feel like she'd lose herself.

"That isn't what I said because it's not true, Stefan."

"No, you just said the chemistry is so intense that you just can't help yourself."

"That's not--" She buried her head in her hands.

He regarded her and asked softly, choked. "Is it ever going to go away?"

Elena opened her mouth to speak but found that she couldn't answer because she genuinely didn't know.

"I don't ... know."

He nodded. "OK." 

There were a few seconds in which they stood in painful silence, in which Stefan gathered the will he needed, and then he closed the gap between them, walking up to her with purpose, purpose that Elena discerned the moment his expression focused onto her, and her exhale just as he pressed his lips to hers loosened something in him and he wasn't restrained or chaste.

He kissed her hard and deep and urgent, holding her to him so she wouldn't buckle from the intensity of his affection and sorrow, his desperate desire, and she responded with a desperation of her own, to keep him to her. This. This was how he wanted her to remember their last kiss. He wanted her to gasp if ever it came across her mind, he wanted her breath, one last time. They pulled away, winded and stunned, their foreheads once again touching.

Finally, he looked at her.

"I can't do this, Elena," he said. "Not anymore."

Elena watched him walk away, and felt her body start to quake, she felt the waves of heartbreak making her undulate, her breaths came out short and shallow, and she held onto her stomach in an effort to keep herself together. She whispered out loud, her voice thick, “OK Stefan. Whatever” and then sank to the floor.

Elena decided to go for a run. She’d spent the night in bed, gasping and hiccoughing, clutching her pillow and willing for tears to come but she only shuddered and gulped and wheezed instead, like she’d forgotten how to breathe overnight. At first, she didn’t want to run — it was a Stefan tactic: sublimating dark emotions, dark urges for exercise, she’d seen him do it, had her do it, and the mere act of doing something so entwined with him defeated the purpose of distraction.

Elena had to appreciate the irony, then, that she ended up outside of the Salvatore Boarding House. It wasn’t planned, it was instinct, her feet had just brought her there. She wasn’t going to go in, she was going to keep running, leave it behind her, but then she saw Damon in the window and she was opening the door and walking into the Salvatore living room.

           He was at the bar, pouring himself some whisky. “Stefan isn’t here.”

Elena sighed. "You were an ass yesterday. You didn't have to say that."

Damon looked at her and then tilted his head in concession. "I just wanted him to know that I could do something for you that he can't.” He took a sip of his drink and shrugged. “I’m not a perfect man."

"Don't intentionally hurt him again.” Elena wanted to be firm but when she saw him squint his eyes at her, trying to suss out how angry she was and when she saw a pout form, she softened her voice and added, “Please?”

"It wasn't one of my finer moments, I'll behave." He walked over to her.  "How did the conversation go with little bro after I left anyway?"

The question surprised her. "He didn't tell you?"

"He didn’t come home. Probably moping in the woods. Taking his anger out on bunnies and chipmunks."

"We broke up," said Elena.

Damon looked at her. "I'm..." She could see him thinking of something to say that wasn’t self-interested. “Just because of one little blood share, he’s overreacting.”        

“He isn’t,” said Elena. “It’s because of what I feel whenever I’m around you.”

Damon beamed and Elena felt strange; she hadn’t meant what she said as a compliment but the fact that he took it as one made her change her meaning internally, a wordless self-correction of thought.

He pushed his mouth to the side and raised his eyebrows. "I can't say that I'm sorry," he said finally. "It's what I wanted. It's what I've always wanted."

Those words called to her.  "Well, what else do you want?"

Damon moved closer to her, their noses touching. “You know what I want,” he said.

But he needed to say it. "Show me, Damon," she said. "Show me what you want."

And then he was kissing her. It took her a minute to respond, the feel of his lips on hers never felt quite familiar, quite right, but she finally put her hands on his face. He deepened the kiss and if Elena was honest with herself, she'd have preferred less tongue. Much less. She was nearly gagging on his enthusiasm but his enthusiasm urged her forward.  He was happy and she liked that. She pushed him against the wall and ripped open his shirt, kissing his neck, making him moan and that spurred her on.

Damon moved her to another part of the living room gripped her leg, lifting it so she wrapped it halfway around his waist.

 Elena had a sudden flash of Stefan lifting her onto him in a single motion, her legs around him, toppling her onto his bed and rocking into her until she gasped,

but then felt guilty for the memory coming to her; thinking about someone else, about Stefan, the man she loved, surely wouldn't make Damon happy and everything in her body wanted him to be pleased with her, it was all that mattered. The more she buried herself in him, the longer Stefan retreated from her mind until he came back to her in flashes, different tones each time, their hugs, their kisses, his face when he'd caught them blood sharing, when she'd told him she'd kissed Damon, and then Damon's moan or sigh would bring her back to the present, thrilling her with its desire, making her body respond to keep that feeling going for him, and she'd kiss him to keep herself in the present, put him on his back, straddle him, to keep herself from thinking.

When it was over, he fell asleep almost immediately and Elena had to get out of the bed, had to move. She put on his shirt and headed downstairs into the living room. Abruptly, the door opened and Caroline and Klaus walked into the foyer and Elena screamed from the living room while Caroline put her hands to her mouth.

"Elena!”

"Oh, God," said Elena.

When she saw Klaus, she quickly closed Damon’s shirt, doing up the buttons. “What is he doing here?”

“What are you doing here? Whose shirt is that?"

            At that moment, Damon entered the living room in a swish, wearing nothing but unbuttoned jeans. Klaus raised his eyebrows, pressing his lips together in amusement.

           “I do envy sometimes the closeness between your brother, you two share practically everything.”

           Elena glared at Klaus while Caroline glared at Damon. "What did you do to her?"

She sped toward the living room, advancing on Damon and before Elena knew what she was doing she pinned her against the wall before she could reach him.

“Elena!”

           “You can’t hurt him,” she said.

           “Well, something clearly is going on like he brainwashed you!” She pushed Elena off of her, freeing herself from her grip. “You and Stefan—”

“He broke up with me.”

“So, you’re having revenge sex with Damon?”

“It’s not like that.” Elena swallowed the sob that started erupting in her chest. "I don't want to talk about him.”

"Do you hear yourself? Do you see what you’re doing? What you did?"

“Or who,” Klaus muttered.

Elena shook her head, gritting her teeth. She knew Damon was putting on a brave face, that this conversation had to be upsetting him and the thought of that upset her. Caroline needed to shut up. "OK Caroline, you know, I don't have time for your judgmental—”

"Of course I'm judgmental, look at who you've slept with!" Caroline gestured wildly at Damon.

"You know, you're one to talk considering that you threw yourself at him and jumped into bed with him the first chance you got!" Elena snapped.

"True story," said Damon.

"I'd stay out of this, mate," said Klaus.

“You’re not the only one who can make snarky comments,” said Damon.

“I’m also not the one who slept with the love of my brother’s life.”

Elena didn’t want to think about Stefan, not now, not like this. “Shut up!”

“Yeah, no more input from you, you cart your siblings around in caskets,” said Caroline. “And me and Damon happened before I knew what a,” she turned to look directly at him “sociopathic narcissist he was!” She turned back to Elena. "You above all people know what he's done, Elena. Stefan aside—"

Elena screamed. "STOP BRINGING UP STEFAN."

“What is the matter with you?”

"Her devotion to you is inspiring, Damon" said Klaus with a grin. "They're not quite as fierce for me."

           “Klaus, what did I just say?”

           He smiled. “Sorry, love.”

           “OK Caroline, I know that Damon’s history is a little spotty—”

           “Spotty? Seriously? How do you think Jeremy is going to take it knowing that you’re sleeping with his murderer?”

           “Attempted murderer,” said Damon. “Slight difference but a difference.”

           “Who makes jokes about it!” Caroline’s voice was so shrill it was barely intelligible. “This is the man you’re sleeping with? How low do you have to be to get to a place where that’s acceptable?”

           It was brief but Elena saw a wounded expression pass over Damon’s face and

           “Get out,” she said.

           “What?”

           “Get out, you can’t just come into Damon’s home and insult him like this! I don’t care if you don’t approve or if you don’t get it!”

           “Damon’s home?” Caroline repeated. She laughed humourlessly. “It’s Stefan’s home too. Where is he? God, I hope you didn’t start this—” Caroline made up her face as she pointed at the two of them, “while he was still at home.”

           Elena’s eyes flashed. “Leave,” she said quietly. Dangerously.

           “Fine.”

Caroline rolled her eyes and stormed out, Klaus trailing behind her, and headed into the woods behind the house, ranting as they walked.

`           “She is acting entirely unhinged and acting like I’m the one who’s wrong. What is going on with her?”

           Klaus looked at her and grinned. “I think it’ll make sense soon enough.”

Stefan wished he could talk to Lexi, listen to her sage advice, listen to her laugh, just hang out with her as he struggled to stay above the torrent of all that he was feeling, and the fact that he couldn’t and that Damon was the reason why, had sent him plummeting even further into a despair. He was by the quarry, lying on the grass, thinking about how months earlier he’d made up his mind to die there, how decades earlier Damon had vowed him an eternity of misery. A ring interrupted his introspections.

He looked at his phone and when he saw that Caroline had called for a third time he picked it up. He didn’t even get to say ‘hello.’

"Why aren’t you picking up your phone? Elena is with Damon now? How could you let this happen!"

Stefan sighed. "Caroline---"

“He has wormed his way in and it’s not a good look, Stefan! You should’ve seen her today, the things she was saying, all wrapped up in his shirt, ugh.”

Stefan sat up. “She was in his shirt?”

Caroline didn’t say anything for a bit. “I’m sorry, Stefan,” she said in a small voice. “I didn’t want to tell you, at least not like this.”

He was dizzy. Everything came in a rush — he saw the nights Elena spent in his room, in his house wearing one of his shirts,

and then pictured her in Damon’s, pictured her in his room, in his bed and felt himself edging toward a vortex. If he let go he could lose himself in blood, in the craze and the haze and the high and the thrill, crest the ecstasy of it all until he passed out and did it again. He wouldn’t have to feel anything but that rush, he wouldn’t have to think about anything either.  Stefan squeezed his eyes shut and took deep breaths, focusing on the physicality of sucking in air and pushing it out, doing everything he did when he needed to resist temptation. But then he thought of them together and the image made him strike out, ramming his fist through the first thing he could find — a trunk — hitting it over and over until his knuckles were bloody and then the tree was felled.

He was panting heavily and didn’t realize that Caroline was still on the phone, quiet until she felt it appropriate to talk again.

“Stefan, I really think something is wrong,” Caroline said quietly. “Even Klaus noticed it, he—”

"What was Klaus doing there?"

"Nothing, not important. I just mean, he listened to the things she was saying, how she was acting and … well, he found it funny because, you know, Klaus, but I mentioned your name and she freaked out and he said something about her loyalty to Damon. It’s—”

“Wait a minute,” said Stefan. “Klaus said something about her loyalty?”

"Yeah, he was talking about…”

Stefan waited for Caroline to continue. “Caroline?”

“He said that he wished that they were as loyal as her.”

“Ones? What does he mean ‘they’ what …” Something clicked into place. “Like hybrids?”

“Stefan?” said Caroline. “Stefan, are you thinking the same thing?”

“I don’t think it’s possible,” he said.  

“But it makes sense. I have never seen her act this way. Her defending him was like … her life depended on it, it was … it was really weird. Klaus knew it too. He told me it’d come to me.”

           Stefan sighed. “Elena’s sired to Damon.”

Caroline had told Stefan to meet him at The Grill but when he arrived, she wasn’t alone. Jeremy, Bonnie, Matt and Tyler were seated with her, hunched in their seats and whispering. He could only make out “I don’t want to but if he’s not on board…” until Caroline cleared her throat and they all stopped talking.

           Stefan sat down in the free seat and nodded his head. “So, all of you know about Elena.”

           “We have the right to that information as much as you do,” said Jeremy. “We knew her first, something I think needs to be said a little more.”

           Stefan raised a hand. “You’re her brother, you’re her best friends, I’m not disputing that.”

           “So maybe sometimes we should be the ones taking lead when it comes to protecting her,” said Matt.

           “The last time you and Jeremy concocted a plan, your car ended up going off a bridge.”

           “And every time you and Damon concoct a plan, Damon gets someone killed,” said Jeremy.

           “Look, before you do anything, let me talk to Damon first. Right now, this is just a theory. We need proof before we do anything.”

           “And then what?” said Bonnie.

           “Then  we  will deal with it. We’ll find a way to break the bond.”

"No," said Jeremy suddenly.

Stefan furrowed his eyebrows. "Jeremy, what—"

"We have allowed Damon free reign for too long. Every single one of us has suffered because of something he's done," he said. "He snapped my neck."

"Used me as his plaything," said Caroline.

"Tried to kill me," said Bonnie.

“He killed my uncle,” said Tyler. “After torturing him.” Jeremy lowered his head.

"He killed my sister," said Matt.

"Matt, I killed Vicki," said Stefan, his tone contrite.

"Because Damon turned her," said Matt. “Because why? He was bored?”

"And now my sister is under some supernatural thrall?”

Stefan leaned forward. “We don’t know that for sure.”

“OK we don’t,” said Jeremy. “Does that mean she should still be with him? No, no, there comes a time where you finally have to say 'stop'."

Stefan sat up straight. "What are you saying?"

Jeremy looked at him. "He has to go." 

Stefan narrowed his eyes, refusing to believe what he was hearing. "If you want him to leave town--"

"That's not what I meant.”

"Jeremy, we'll find another way. I will find another way. I will fix this. I--"

"No. They're right, Stefan," said Bonnie. "I told you that if he doesn't change I'll take him down." She shook her head. "And I haven't lived up to my word.”

“He’s personally saved each one of you---”

“And then he puts us in danger like a week a later. It’s always one step forward and a thousand steps back,” said Caroline.

“The amount of carnage that he's created is astronomical,” said Bonnie. “He has to die, Stefan."

#stelena #stefan salvatore #elena gilbert #the vampire diaries #dobsley #stelena fanfiction #tvd fanfiction #paul wesley #nina dobrev #stefan x elena #elena x stefan #tvd #anti tvd #anti julie plec #anti caroline dries

[tak1e]

I Was Hoping You Could See It Too (I'm a Coward)

SFW DekuBaku/DekuKatsu Drabble

AO3 link if you prefer reading there

General Info/Tags: One Shot, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff, Pro-Hero AU, Not Beta Read, Pining Bakugou, Touch Starved Bakugou, Soft Bakugou, Self-Doubting Bakugou, Protector Izuku, Izuku is a Therapist, (not literally), (but he acts like one), Izuku is Good at Feelings, Bakugou is Bad at Feelings

Word Count: 2.4k

a/n: I wanted to write izuku babying katsuki with some angst and here we are. Also, the name is in fact directly quoting lyrics from Coward by Matt Maltese, enjoy.

Katsuki Bakugou's day had been shit. To say that would be an understatement, really.

He had woken up later than usual this morning, sleeping through his alarm - which he never did, by the way. Then he'd gotten to work and had a mountain of paperwork left over from a reckless pursuit he had with a villain the day prior. He'd caused countless property damage and now he had to file report after report after report.

And, to top it all off, when he finally did get out there to save people, he had failed over and over again.

Armed Robbery? He had to ask for backup. Mugging? The guy got away. He was called in for backup? He got there too late. He felt like he was headed in the wrong direction with every step he took. Like Katsuki thought he was taking steps forward only to find that his torso had been turned 180 this whole time. It was driving him insane.

So, yeah. Shit day, to say the least.

Needless to say, when Izuku cautiously enters his office at the end of the day, Katsuki is already past his limit.

"Out." Katsuki says through grit teeth, not even looking up to see who it was.

"Yikes.. so you are as angry as everyone's been saying."

Katsuki growls, eyes snapping up to look at Izuku.

"Get out."

"Kacchan."

"Deku."

Izuku crosses his arms over his chest defiantly and Katsuki finds it so irritating. The little shit thinks he can get away with anything just cause.

(Katsuki definitely lets him get away with more than he should, but it's not like he'd admit that aloud, let alone to himself)

"You know, being so angry all the time can't be good for your health." izuku says, closing the door behind him and walking towards Katsuki's desk. Katsuki rolls his eyes.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't realize you were a doctor now." Katsuki seethes, sarcastically. He seriously doesn't have the patience for this today.

Izuku huffs, standing in front of his desk. Katsuki's pen digs a hole in his paperwork.

"Ha. Ha. Seriously, Kacchan. Are you okay?"

And Izuku's voice is so genuine. It almost startles Katsuki, even after all these years. Even after Izuku spent their whole lives chasing after Katsuki asking if he was okay. Katsuki thinks it probably won't ever feel normal. He doesn't really deserve it, after all.

"Do I look okay?" Katsuki answered, throwing his pen down in favor of setting his head in the palms of his hands.

"Kacchan." Izuku said, and it was so much softer this time.

Katsuki felt an old part of him flare up at it. Don't look down on me, it screamed. Even though Katsuki knew that wasn't what was going on here. Izuku cared about him and was showing it.

Much unlike himself, despite his best attempts.

"What?"

"Can I.. I mean." Izuku let out a breath, fidgeting with his fingers. Katsuki hated it.

Is he scared of me? A smaller part of himself asked. He swallowed.

"I want to help. Will you let me?"

"How could you help?" Katsuki spat before he could stop himself. He sighed, lifting his head from his hands. Izuku smiled like that was the exact response he'd expected.

I don't deserve this. Yeah, Katsuki agreed. Izuku was always too nice to him and it didn't make any fucking sense.

"I can show you, if that's okay? I think it might really help."

Katsuki hesitated for more than a second, before nodding.

"Okay, c'mere."

"What? No, you come here. I'm not walking over to you."

"Kacchan."

"Izuku" Katsuki mocked. Izuku huffed and defiantly pointed at the floor in front of him. Katsuki rolled his eyes but still pushed up from his chair, dragging himself over to Izuku.

"Okay, I'm fuckin' here. What now?"

"I'm going to touch Kacchan, is that okay?"

"What?! No, it's not!" Katsuki nearly shouted, pride flaring.

A beat passed and the two just looked at each other. Katsuki sighed.

"Yeah.. It's okay." Katsuki hesitated. "I guess."

Izuku nodded and stepped forward, lightly pressing the palm of his hand to Katsuki's cheek. Katsuki felt his face burn.

"Is this okay?"

Katsuki nodded.

Izuku smiled and took that as a green light to put his hand in Katsuki's hair. He gently pet through Katsuki's hair. His fingers dragged through his spikes slowly, cautiously. And when they reached the end, they returned right back at the beginning again, repeating the same motion.

"Is this okay?" Izuku asked again, his eyes never leaving Katsuki's face.

Katsuki hated to admit it (so he wouldn't) but it felt.. nice. Relaxing, even.

"Are you gonna ask that every five seconds?" Katsuki complained and his voice came out so much softer than normal. What the fuck.

"Well, how am I supposed to tell if I'm making you uncomfortable?"

"I'll tell you to fuckin' stop? Obviously?" Katsuki grumbled, still much softer than he intended. What was happening?

Izuku huffed, frowning at him, but seemed to accept the answer, as the hand in his hair started guiding Katsuki's head to rest on Izuku's shoulder gently. Katsuki let him.

I don't deserve this.

"Relax, Kacchan." Izuku cooed, softly. Almost in the same way one would talk to a child. Oddly enough, Katsuki couldn't seem to care. Not with Izuku's hand still in his hair, at least.

Katsuki's body relaxed in an instant as if it had a mind of its own.

"The hell are you doin'?" Katsuki grumbled into Izuku's shoulder as his head began to be cradled.

"Mmm.. Coddling you."

"Coddling?"

"Mhm."

"..Why's it feel so nice?" Katsuki murmured, despite his pride. He could feel all the tension leaving his body at once. It felt too nice. There had to be a catch.. He couldn't just relax like this.

Izuku laughed and Katsuki could feel the action with their proximity. It was a deep hum in his chest...again, it was nice.

"I dunno, Kacchan. You tell me."

Katsuki grumbled unintelligibly instead of a response.

"Kacchan, you're tensing up again." Izuku said, amusement dripping from his voice. he placed a gentle hand on the small of his back and the touch felt like electricity. "Relax."

And as if it were a command directly to Katsuki's heart, his body obeyed. Katsuki wasn't sure if he'd ever been so relaxed.

"Why the hell is it so relaxing?"

Izuku hummed.

"Some people say it's because it brings out your inner child or something. Like, reminds you of being little and held by an adult. So it puts you in that sort of headspace where you just.. don't have to worry anymore."

"I've never been held like this." Katsuki swallowed after the admission. Why did I say that?

"Kacchan.. really?" Izuku asked sympathetically and it didn't irritate Katsuki as much as it normally did. He nodded into Izuku's shoulder.

"Yeah, parents didn't exactly tuck me into bed or anythin'."

"Well.." Izuku started after a moment of silence. "I'm here now. You're safe here."

The words shot through Katsuki like a bullet.

You're safe here.

Safe.

"I...am?" Katsuki whispered, bewildered.

"Yeah. I'll always be a safe space for Kacchan. As long as you want it."

Katsuki's mouth felt dry.

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why?"

Katsuki swallowed, staying silent for a while. He rolled the words around in his head, trying to debate how open he should be right now. Just as Izuku began scratching his scalp, he decided fuck it. Whatever, he could deny everything later if he needed to.

"I've only ever been awful to you. I don't deserve this."

"Kacchan.."

"It's true, isn't it? I made your life hell for so long. Why would you ever..?"

Izuku pressed a light kiss into Katsuki's hair and his brain short-circuited. All thoughts pouring out of his ear and onto the floor.

"You aren't like that anymore. It's okay. I forgave you for that a long time ago."

"Why?" Katsuki croaked, his voice betraying him. He snapped his eyes shut. He didn't want to cry in front of izuku like this.

"I never really blamed you in the first place. I knew you didn't mean it."

"Bullshit."

"I'm being honest. Really. None of that was your fault." Izuku said softly, scratching Katsuki's scalp gently. Katsuki had to focus hard not to lose his train of thought again.

"Who's then? Yours?"

"No." Izuku said, and it surprised Katsuki. Don't get him wrong, he was glad that Izuku didn't blame himself, but who did he blame if not Katsuki or himself?

"I don't blame anyone." Izuku said, like it was as easy to see as the sky is blue.

"What? That makes no fuckin' sense."

Izuku sighed, low and quiet. Katsuki was so confused. He couldn't blame no one. Someone was to blame and it was so clearly Katsuki.

"I don't blame anyone," Izuku repeated. "Sometimes bad things just happen and all you can do is accept it and move on. What? Are you going to tell me you blame people for earthquakes or something?"

"You know that's different." Katsuki grunted. "Earthquakes are unavoidable. All you can do is do the best you can with a shit scenario."

Oh.

"Exactly." Izuku whispered. "No matter what, you still would have bullied me, I think. I think it was unavoidable. With all the pressure put on you to succeed.. It only makes sense. And either way, I still don't think you ever meant it."

"But.." Katsuki whispered, hands fisting Izuku's shirt on his back. "I did such horrible things.. how can you just.."

"Kacchan, you being upset over this is proof enough that you are good. I don't care about anything that happened back then. I care about now."

There was a long silence that followed and Katsuki kept his eyes shut tightly, fighting off the need to cry. He would not.

"It's okay if you need to cry," Izuku said, after a moment. "I won't judge you.

"..You won't?" Katsuki asked, voice breaking.

"I won't," Izuku echoed gently, running his fingers through katsuki's hair tenderly. "It's safe here. You can cry as much as you need."

As soon as the words left izuku's mouth, it was like a dam had bursted inside Katsuki. He began sobbing uncontrollably, hands clutching Izuku as his shoulder shook with each tear.

"Shh.." Izuku cooed softly. "It's okay, baby. Let it all out."

So Katsuki did. He cried and cried and cried. Until he felt he had nothing left, his insides torn open and raw right there for only izuku to see. And oddly enough, Katsuki didn't totally hate it. It felt nice... Which was a stark contrast to his usual crying fits. They usually left him feeling sour and sick. Which was why he avoided them in the first place.

This time though, he felt.. nice. It felt like his tears had actually meant something. Like he hadn't just been uselessly crying alone in his bedroom. Which, he guessed, this time he wasn't. Maybe it was because he had been given the space to feel without judgment. Or maybe it was something else. Hell if he knew.

After Katsuki's tears subsided, the two stayed in silence. Katsuki had nothing to say though, so it was fine by him. Although, izuku must have had other ideas because he eventually spoke softly.

"..Do you blame your parents?"

"What'd'you mean?" He asked, sniffing.

"I mean.. for everything? How you turned out I guess? Do you blame your parents?"

Did Katsuki Bakugou blame his parents for how he turned out? Yes, obviously. If it weren't for them, he wouldn't have probably any of the pressure he had on himself then and in the present. He would probably be nicer. He wouldn't struggle with nearly half the things he did.

"Kinda, yeah." Katsuki said, turning his head to look at Izuku, who was staring forward, not looking at Katsuki. "Why?"

"I don't think you should," Izuku said simply, in the same way, he'd said it about Katsuki being a bully. What was with this guy being so forgiving? "I mean, yeah, they did a pretty poor job raising you right but-"

"That was their job. The one thing they were supposed to do, they fucked up. How is that on me?" Katsuki spat, defensively.

"No! No.. that's not what I meant.." Izuku said, eyes darting around the room. "Just.. hear me out okay?"

Katsuki nodded and Izuku continued after taking a slow breath.

"They did a bad job. You're not wrong about that. But what if they were doing the best they could?" Izuku paused, looking like he was picking his words carefully to get his point across. "I mean, you are their first and only son, right? So, let's take it from their perspective.

"She had a kid with this awesome quirk that wanted to be a hero. Maybe she felt scared for you or maybe she genuinely wanted you to be the best, I don't know. But she put that pressure on you to succeed for some reason. And I think she was trying to give you the best she could.

"And in your teen years when you became angry and resentful.. Maybe she thought to herself, Oh, this is just how teens are. So she let it fester and grow when it shouldn't have. Kacchan, I genuinely think your parents were doing what they thought would be best for you. It still sucked, and isn't okay that it happened but.. I don't think it's anyone's fault, really. I think... it's an earthquake."

Izuku looked at Katsuki after that and he nodded. It made a lot of sense.. and he'd never thought about it like that.

"A shit situation." Katsuki echoed. Izuku smiled.

"Yeah, that." Izuku paused, cupping Katsuki's cheek in his hand and Katsuki closed his eyes against the soft touch. "It doesn't mean you need to go forgive them or anything just.. think about it, yeah? I mean, if I only took your actions at face value we wouldn't be here right now. Maybe your mom is the same, you know?"

Katsuki nodded, opening his eyes again. Yeah.. that made a lot of sense.

"You're right," Katsuki admitted. "Maybe I've been to harsh to her. Maybe.." Katsuki trailed off.

"Again, don't do anything on my account. It's just.. food for thought."

Katsuki nodded, standing up straight finally. He felt a lot better after everything with Izuku.

"Thanks. I uh.. I'm probably gonna head out." Katsuki said, taking a step away from Izuku.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure." Katsuki said. And after all, he had a lot to think about and do now.

And maybe call his mom.

#DekuBaku #DkBk #DkBk fanfic #fanfic #ao3 #ao3 link #ao3 fic #ao3 fanfic #DekuKatsu #DkKt #DkKt fanfic #DekuKatsu fanfic #DekuBaku fanfic #bkdk #mha #bnha #drabble #tak1e writes #soft bakugou katsuki #protective midoriya izuku #i love they #just them #reblogs appreciated <3

[criminallyvenomous]

Fighting Leads to Fxxking

Masterlist

Chapter One - Pure, Unadulterated Weakness

Ship - Loki x Stark! Reader

Word Count - 1,751

Tw - Smut

Plot - Stark! Reader get stuck watching Loki after the events of 2012. Moments of weakness and bad decisions involving the world's most hated man lead to the worst possible outcome, pregnancy.

It was a moment of weakness. Pure, unadulterated weakness. The kind of weakness that makes you stay up at night reminiscing about.

It was 2012 and an alien had invaded Earth with his mindless minions. The world was scared, but united against a common enemy. Which was the only true way to bond those of different cultures and beliefs. In an utterly devastatingly way, it was sort of beautiful to see so many people agree on something.

Loki was the worst, yet best thing to happen to the world and its people. We were given a group of heroes that watched over us, the epitome of religious idols, yet there was no need for faith. We had confirmation. It felt like a Christmas morning where you were given a present only your letter to Santa had known you wished for. There was no longer a need for hope, your dreams for a better future with someone to look over you had come to fruition.

It didn’t help that your father was a member of this group of heroes, the Avengers. You were given direct assurance for every wrongdoing and misdeed. This made every aspect of your weakness turned into reality oh so much worse.

“The daughter of the formidable, and ever powerful Tony Stark. What a pleasure to meet the heiress for the peak of humanity. Nothing fuels Earthly respect more than mere mortal gadgets.” He began, his bound hands behind his back, smiling through his teeth as he greeted you.

“My father will be back in any minute.” You replied crassly, no need for niceties with a mass murderer.

“Then, my dear, we have so little time to get to know each other.”

“I don’t intend on getting to know you, Loki.” You sighed, waiting for your father, Pepper, or literally any member of the Avengers to arrive. You would even take Thor and his terrifyingly large stature and overwhelmingly handsome self. You hated being attracted to one of your father’s friends, but it was a known complication for you as they were all so very compelling.

“Oh please, I prefer Loki : God of Mischief, Prince of Asgard.” He boasted.

“I only refer to people as God in bed.” You had no idea why you said that, were you under his spell? Why were you getting hot? Why were your clothes feeling tighter than ever before? It was almost as if you dressed in an outfit from middle school, rather than adulthood.

“I see. I do wish to hear that from you, no matter the circumstance necessary.” He said, almost as if he was flirting. He couldn’t have been? Could he?

“Unlikely, Loki.”

“Would you prefer if I looked like the Captain America?” He transformed.

“Please stop. Just stand quietly and wait for them to get back.”

“What about the dashing Bruce Banner?”

“Loki, go back to how you were. I don’t need you playing games or tricks on me.”

“How about my brother, the soon to be King of Asgard? He’s rather charming, I’ve heard.” This switch made you uncomfortable, you swallowed your saliva and looked up at him, before he continued. “Oh, yes. You like your men to be from out of this realm. Now, I may be of Jötun, but I do know a few Asgardian moves. However, they do call us giants for a reason.” He was back to his typical form, which got ever so slightly more attractive by the minute.

“Just be quiet.”

“But I want to be incredibly loud, with you.”

There it was. The weakness. The worst decision of your life, even though it felt like the best. The greatest, most pleasurable mistake of your life. Though if you had the chance to take this whole thing back and make it so it never happened, you wouldn’t dare.

He leaned closer to you and your tongue darted between your lips, unconsciously wetting them. You could feel his cold breath against your own. The next thing you know, the both of you were in your bedroom, down the hall. Confused, you looked up towards him and he smirked.

“Care to remove these?” He gestured to his restraints and without thinking, you entered the passcode. His eyes were bluer than anything you had seen on this planet. You felt yourself falling inside of them.

When you shook yourself out of this trance, he had already attached his cold hands to your waist. Time was skipping, you were losing track of your actions. You felt similarly months ago during the freshman frat welcome parties, where you were drinking almost a gallon of alcohol per day. He was like a drug, one you were addicted to before even trying. You had the smallest taste and it was all you could think about. It was the only thing you could think about.

“May I?” He leaned inwards and you nodded, swallowing in anticipation.

He kissed you and it felt as if you were a virginal teenager all over again. You struggled to remember how to kiss back, overwhelmed by the sensations of his cold but inviting mouth. Your tongues met, the temperature difference was shocking, but in the best way possible. You focused on his bottom lip as his hands grazed your bra. You thanked yourself for not wearing your typical workout sports bra. He bit your lower lip, excreting a slight moan from you.

“What if they come back?” You panted out, in between powerful and territorial claims of each other.

“I already planned for that, my dear little Stark.” You were too distracted by his touch to think over what that could mean.

“It’s Y/N. I try to avoid using that name. He’s not the man the media thinks he is.”

“I would much rather prefer that we do not speak of Stark right now. I’d like to focus on you, if that is possible.” You nodded, allowing his mouth to sneak in the crook of your neck. His cold breath creating goosebumps, but his movements producing marks. They were both painful and pleasurable.

He removed your bra with a movement of his hand, you could get used to the easiness of magic. But, what were you thinking? No, you couldn’t. He’s a horrible man, who is so very good at what he’s doing. He interrupted your moral dilemma, now having finished undressing you, you instinctively cover yourself.

“No, Y/N. Allow me to even the playing field.” He removes his clothing, and you let out a groan at the sight in front of you. His perfectly toned muscles, and his very well endowed self.

“Fuck.” You slip out.

“I intend to.” He pulls you closer to him, as you lay against your mattress. He towers above you, reminding you that he is in fact a god.

As you move with one another and rejoin at the lips, he aligns himself at your entrance. He looks at your face, looking for a cue. You nod, a little too aggressively. He begins to push himself into you, the feeling of fulfillment reaching sooner than expected. You saw what you were dealing with, but nothing would have prepared you for what you were feeling. It was painful, very painful. It was as if he was cutting you open from the inside. You groaned as a tear fell from your eyes. He wiped it as he bottomed out, letting out a litter of Asgardian curse words as his eyes fluttered shut.

“God.” You expressed, already out of breath and he wasn’t even moving.

“I knew you’d be addressing me properly with due time. Don’t worry, I intend to let you adjust before continuing on. Your mortal self is not prepared yet for a god.” He chuckles, attaching his lips to yours. You moan into his mouth, bucking your hips against his. He moves his way down to your breasts, as he leaves a trail of lingering kisses.

With an increasing amount of obscenities, he starts to move in you. He presses himself against your most sensitive spot with ease, as he lowers your hand towards your clit.

“You know what to do.” He says, breathily. You nod and begin to follow his pace on your own body.

Within minutes you were at a high. It felt unlike any orgasm you had ever experienced. His coldness creating a sensation unimaginable with your own body’s heat. He covered you in painful bruises, marking every inch of your body as his. You couldn’t dare to stop him, it was all too pleasurable. The love marks were a problem for future you. Your stomach filled with butterflies and delight as you reached your climax. He smirks with a chuckle, almost as if he was just promising to bring you back to your place of exuberance. His bare skin against your own, the friction of your hips and the sound of your wet skin connecting overwhelming you.

“Any moment now.” He whispers into your ear, biting along the lobe.

Almost as if a command, you felt your high again. Your vision blacked and you swear you could see the rainbow bridge of his realm. He continued to thrust and move until he couldn’t any longer, as the tightness around him became too unbearable. You felt the world shake as he came, your body feeling as if it was levitating six feet above your bed. You were brought again to orgasm as he joined you. The second you finished and could start to catch your breath, he inserted his fingers inside of you. You made a sound of confusion, unaware of his actions.

“Now, you shall remember this forever.” He smiles. You’re unsure of the meaning behind his actions, but he began to pump his drenched fingers back into you. You assumed he meant that he would make you climax once more.

You felt as if you were all out of pleasure, completely drained from him. You were proven mistaken as your sore body wrapped around his cold, yet perfectly tender digits and squeezed. The next thing you knew, the both of you were back in the Stark tower hallway, both dressed, and himself in restraints again. The door opened and your father entered.

“I’m sorry if that took longer than expected sweetheart, the elevator was stuck on the third floor for like an hour. I hope he wasn’t any trouble.” Your father grabbed Loki’s arm as the trickster god looked back at you and winked.

“All good, he wasn’t any worse than expected.”

hope u enjoyed the first chapter! don't choke my little guttersluts - kat.

Next Chapter

#loki odinson #loki x reader #loki x stark! reader #thor #mcu loki #loki imagine #stark! reader #tony stark #avengers #the avengers #mcu #tony stark child #pepper potts #black widow #natasha romanoff #jarvis #loki fanfic #loki smut #smut #mcu smut #marvel

[lake-archive]

Anija The Thief

AO3 Link - Wattpad Link

Fandom: Ensemble Stars

Series: I Want To Be With You!

Characters: Rits Sakuma, Anja-Sophia 'Ann' Wolff (OC) (mentioned), Rei Sakuma (mentioned)

Pairing: Ritsann (Ritsu/Ann) (romantic)

Summary: Did she like his brother or is there a chance that she still likes him? Does she like him because he is ‘Rei Sakuma’s little brother’? Was that all? Questions Ritsu is plagued with for a while now…

Previous Chapter - Masterlist - Next Chapter

Oh there are so many things  Ritsu would love to say to his very own ‘brother’ at this very moment. The thoughts had started building up ever since that day. Ever since he had heard that one sentence out of Ann’s mouth…

“I mean… For a little while… Liking Rei–San—”

Yeah, he had not been mistaken. She liked him. She liked Anija. ‘Only a little while’ she claimed. A little while… Right, a little while. Apparently it was just that… Ugh, he hated repeating it in his head. The thought of it made him sick, the thought of this option having even existed. He was just… He had no words to be honest. His stomach turned just being reminded of it. And all it usually took was just her face.

Ritsu really tried to not let it get to him, he really tried. After all, he didn’t want to lose her. He didn’t want to distance himself at all. He would never, he could never. And yet he was forced to, somewhat. He just couldn’t stand it, in any sense of the word. It was just painful, way too painful. Every. Single. Time.

It felt like a punch in the gut. It was no different than any magazine, any article he had read. It was the exact same feeling, the exact same thing… Except worse. After all, this was not some journalist, some person with no face. If that had been the case Ritsu would have already forgotten all about it and be unbothered, at least somewhat. But this was personal. This was not just someone, this was someone he felt very, very close to! He couldn’t just swallow that and accept it as if nothing was going on, as if everything was fine, as if he had forgotten! 

It was literally a feeling tearing him apart after all! Being known as ‘Rei Skauma’s younger brother’ was bad enough. But being picked because he was the next best thing apparently, compared to his brother!? Is that what is going on!? Because he is ‘Rei Sakuma’s little brother’!? Then what if he wasn’t!? Would she still be interested!? If he wasn’t related to Anija? If she had never liked him to begin with? Would it still be the same?

Hah… Honestly, deep down he knew the answer. Or did he? It was a weird feeling, a confusing one. But if it was confusing… Maybe the answer had not been that clear to him? Was he in doubt? Scared? Afraid? The thought of having someone stolen, right then and there. Just because you are not him. 

After all, who is to say that Anija wouldn’t barge in? It was— No, he wasn’t that awful. And yet, it was a lingering fear. Ritsu Sakuma, the one living in Rei Sakuma’s shadow. Who is to say that he wasn’t plan b in all of this? It was a possibility. And even if he refused to admit to it… It was there, lingering, all this time. He couldn’t deny that at the very least. He had this feeling creeping up and it was only getting worse and worse. 

Ritsu shouldn’t think that way. He shouldn’t even consider this option. But it got out of hand eventually. He felt dizzy just thinking about it… And yet he couldn’t just leave it either. He was unsure. There was no clarity. He didn’t know and had not asked. Only once did Ann try to explain yet he ran out on her, not wanting to hear it.

Because what if this is true? What if this was actually the case? What if she was interested in Ritsu solely because of one thing – His brother? His stupid, older brother! If, if, if. Yes, it was all an ‘if’. But could he be blamed!? If this was the answer then maybe he would be better off not hearing it! Maybe he would be better off just sitting in the dark about it! Ignorance was bliss! That’s how this saying goes! Yeah, bliss! This state is a bliss! It has to be! It should be! If he ignores it then surely it will go away! Surely he will be able to… To… 

And yet, he couldn’t agree to that. He tried to ignore it. He tried to push it aside. He tried to sweep it under the rock. But nothing. It always got worse. He didn’t even sleep properly, not during the day and not during the night. It was eating him up, he felt too exhausted just thinking about it. It was just… Too much. Laying awake in fear… Dreading to hear those words from her mouth one day.

“ Sorry… You reminded me of Rei–San so much, I just… ” or “ I… It’s true…. I… Was first interested because you and Rei–San are brothers. ”

He really didn’t want to hear it. Just thinking about it made him wish that he was deaf altogether, then he would have at least an excuse to never hear it. He would never have to hear it and learn the truth. But this wasn’t so simple.

The truth is scary. Not knowing what the truth will be is scary. But was it better than not knowing at all, allowing himself to be eaten up like this? Well, if he had to pick between one or the other… 

Yeah, he would rather want to know. He wanted to know if Anija could turn into a thief anytime or not… Take away yet someone else important to him… Ritsu had to know, one way or another. So, even if it breaks him… At least it will break him quicker than make him decay slowly.

Previous Chapter - Masterlist - Next Chapter

#Nimue's Lake #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #ensemble stars #enstars #ensemble stars fanfiction #ensemble stars fanfic #ensemble stars fic #enstars fanfiction #enstars fanfic #enstars fic #selfship fanfiction #selfship fanfic #selfship fic #self ship fanfiction #self ship fanfic #self ship fic #ensemble stars oc #enstars oc #rei sakuma #sakuma rei #enstars rei #ritsu sakuma #sakuma ritsu #enstars ritsu #yumejoshi #yumeship #yume fics #oc x canon

[devoteyrheart]

13. what traits does your muse value in a romantic partner? / any and all!

(from) ― romance & relationship headcanons! // @60104 13. what traits does your muse value in a romantic partner? / any and all!

phew this would be easier to answer if it was the opposite: what things they avoid/hate. also, whatever i write doesn't mean that the characters would never fall in love or have feelings for someone who doesn't match the descriptions i gave. there's always so much at play when you fall in love / feel drawn to a person but anyway!

CHARACTERS MENTIONED: mike zackarias, ilse langnar, marlene, jean kirstein, eld jinn, gunther schultz,  annie leonhart

━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⊹˚⁀➷｡.━━━━━━━━━━━━

ilse:

shared values. devotion. purpose. earnest. compassion. and willingness to grow . - if you're scared of / genuinely don't like being called out on your bullshit, she's not the woman for you. - she doesn't tolerate people canceling on her for shit like 'i don't feel like it' 'i fell asleep', she's surprisingly very ruthless about that kind of disrespect, but if, for example,  her bf told her 'i really need to focus on studying for this big exam so we aren't going to hang out this week but i'll call you once every day' she would literally feel so attracted to him and just fall even more in love. she's not right in the head. ilse doesn't believe in soulmates, she believes in people CHOOSING each other and looking in the same direction and walking towards it side-by-side... so yeah... purpose and devotion ( to themselves / their goals, and to the relationship ) are v big to her. - she likes having fun, but play dumb games with her? make her pick between her family / friends and you? lmfao, she won't try to reason with you or meet you halfway: you're out. - you need to understand her family dynamic, or at least make an effort to. ilse's family dynamic is a il nuanced and, in part, she blames herself for it. surprisingly her family doesn't meddle much, but they're people who are "simpler" i guess, and they are very set in their ways and their family dynamic. they've experienced significant loss, and ilse is the first one in the family to leave their circle ( which was a very hard pill to swallow ). also ilse is the baby of the family by many years so you need to be someone who isn't a pushover but also won't engage with / start conflict no matter how provocative or protective they get. it's delicate and you need to know how to navigate it while still being yourself and not apologizing for it ( because if you do, they'll stop respecting you 💀). 

eld: 

compassion, loyalty, sense of humor, curiosity, and a sense of adventure.. but they can't be too hyper or disorganized. he loves and desires a calming/grounding presence. as much as eld feels drawn to people who are extremely spunky, that's not who he wants to build a life with. he's ok with someone who can keep in on his toes / roast him / call him out but only if it actually makes sense.   also: you can't be someone who yells, especially during arguments. this guy is literally a child of a yelling marriage if you ever raise his voice at him or if he finds himself raising his voice at you: you're out. he won't even explain himself. you also can't be someone who believes (blood) family is everything - if you encourage eld to reconnect with his parents in a meaningful and lasting way: you're out.

mike: 

compassion, neatness, and someone who values quality time and hanging out outdoors. also someone who doesn't try to change him? he spent enough years analyzing himself and getting to know himself and evolving to be the person he wants to be: he's not going to change. mike has grown to become calm person and he rarely engages in conflict not because he's averse to it but because he knows, damn well, that if he throws a punch the other person will get knocked out. younger mike very much still lives in inside older mike: don't bring him out. if you encourage mike to be aggressive in any way, you're out.  also, if you're religious, you're out. i'm so sorry, he just can't go back to that. 

gunther:

patience, organization, no pushiness, and loyalty... but with a bit of spunk. this man will swear he has no patience for nonsense but he loves a woman with a good sense of humour that can help him relax and bring out his laid-back side. someone who reminds him that he can be emotionally vulnerable. someone who is ok with the fact that he has a kid. he doesn't see his kid a lot ( i will touch on this at some point eventually ) but in the future he does want to spend more time with his child and if that's a problem for you: you're out.   

marlene:

good sense of humor is essential to her. also someone who sees through her cool girl half-façade. she wants to be treated like a princess and spoiled, its the truth. she can absolutely spoil herself, but urgh she wants someone else to spoiler. she has a 'if i'm too much go find less' mentality and if you can't handle it that's your damn problem. you gotta b a lil intense, even if you're quiet, or else marlene won't feel drawn to you. 

annie:

someone who understands the need for personal time and individual pursuits. she probably wants to sleep in separate bedrooms at times ( only at times, ofc she likes cuddling too )  and if you can't deal with it you're not the right person for her. annie appreciates a dry and sarcastic sense of humor so she values a partner who can match her wit. someone who is patient and soft but not an enabler or a pushover: annie sometimes wants things but doesn't pursue them, so someone who is encouraging without being overbearing is perfect.  also, you can't be afraid of confrontation. for her, it's ok if your shy/quiet/introvert whatever the fuck, as long as you have a very strong spine. she will literally get the ick if you're too soft.

jean:

someone who is willing to grow, evolve, and talk things out ( don't go silent on him, please, don't shut him out - he copes very poorly with it ). someone who doesn't have their head in the cloud and who shows genuine empathy and understanding towards others.

#THANK YOU SO MUCH AND I'M SORRY I WROTE A LOT #––– ❛ about 【 mike 】 #––– ❛ about 【 ilse 】 #––– ❛ about 【 eld 】 #––– ❛ about 【 marlene 】 #––– ❛ about 【 jean 】 #––– ❛ about 【 annie 】 #––– ❛ about 【 gunther 】

[dustbinflower0]

On Drama

Growing up I was the least dramatic. Silent, not speaking. Not expressing pain in medical procedures, learning to deny all physical pain altogether to others and then to myself. Denying wants and needs. Not expressing emotions, thoughts, feelings to anyone and then diminishing them to myself, discounting, telling them to shut up, that they weren't important, werent even real. Learning never to complain or bother or exist.

Cutting when I was in the unbearable emotional pain I told myself I had no reason to feel, a cut being a reason something was wrong, something to point to. Bandage and fix. Proof of something. No one could know.

Then people knew and I got horrible reactions from medical professionals but no reaction from my family. I was bad for doing it and crazy and deeply ashamed of hurting myself. I was fucked up. Then I was screaming with it, more and more extreme and outrageous and reckless attacks on myself but then witnesses to hurt and scare to share my horror my death my destruction and whatever was destroying me murdering me. No one could take it no one could handle it or bear it. I painted the walls with my blood when my artery spurted the life out of me. I finger-painted like a delinquint kindergartener the wall on my bathroom another time on purpose when I was enraged with my therapist Jason that he didn't care about me, that he was on a trip with his beloved niece. I painted in my blood the word "unloveable" and took a picture and sent it to him. I literally carved "FUCK YOU" into the flesh down my leg and sent that to him too. I cut in his office bathroom. I bled on his couch. I was frantic desperate hysterical screeching with my blood my body. This is my body, take this all of you and eat of it. This is my blood, take this all of you and drink from it which will be poured out for you for the forgiveness of sins do this in memory of me.

Will anyone remember what happened remember me and stop forgetting?

I stopped containing, i could no longer. I lost it, I raged and yelled and fought with everyone everywhere every chance I could. I attacked. Feel the chaos I feel, feel the annihilation I experienced and am still feeling I DARE YOU I'll annihilate you too. All life and death emergency 911 calls sutures stains ravaging ICU room. Starving myself hollow sharp bone edges ribcage like armor hip bones knives ILL MAKE YOU LOOK ILL FORCE YOU. That's still there.

Fighting with Dr. V, storming out screaming FUCK YOU I HATE YOU. Swallowing bottles of pills. Passing out. Ambulances. Cutting my face.

SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING/YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ILL MAKE YOU WATCH.

The PLEASE SOMEONE STOP ME. Not enough containment on earth existing to console me or save me. HELP ME PLEASE but try to and I won't allow it because I cant, I can't.

Hospital units losing control of myself like I was set free and set on fire finding anything I could smashing soap dispensers off the wall and taking the shards to slice my arms. Sneaking in razorblades in library book jackets.

Grabbed by security guards and kicking them, flailing til they locked their hands on every limb as i twisted and strapped them all down even my head. Screaming at them FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING ANIMALS LET ME GO!!!!!! Bruised wrists from the straps digging in that I refused to stop fighting against.

Constant chaos danger. Stealing in stores, compulsion, thrill. Never having needed but now taking, taking. Then taken to court.

Purging, fingers rammed down throat, rejecting, pushing out, emptying desperately.

I'm desperate still. I've gotten quieter. I feel more dead in deeper ways suffocating but I'm nicer and am more careful how I treat people but I'm more invisible. My pain not painted everywhere and attacking the innocent and with that I have lost more life and spark and of myself. I've retreated, my ugly is more palateable and I'm more engulfed in guilt and shame, suffocating. I am more quiet in my dying and I am more tired fetal position on my bed and I don't flail and scream and people praise the difference in how I handle things and it makes me so fucking sad.."If you are silent about your pain they will kill you and say you enjoyed it."

#personal #dustbinflower #trauma #mental health

[foundfamilynonsense]

You know what I hate? When readers claim there’s an ambivalent ending of a book because the author doesn’t force feed it to you.

Except sometimes the author 100% does force feed it to them and they still can’t grasp it.

I’m referring mostly to the death of characters. For example there are heated debates about whether or not Winston dies soon after the end of the 1984. As if it is not painfully obvious that’s what happens. Earlier in the book we hear about a group of men who were executed by Big Brother. It’s said they were arrested and pled guilty to a bunch of horrible crimes and were released (exactly what happened when Winston was captured). They were seen in the chestnut cafe (y’know the same one Winston frequents after being released) where a song comes on (the same one that comes on at the end of the book) and all three men are seen looking at Big Brother’s picture and crying (like Winston does when he discovers he loves Big Brother).

But even if you forget that detail there’s still the knowledge that Winston was told “we’re not going to kill you until you love Big Brother” and the last line of the book was that Winston loved Big Brother.

There’s a similar issue with possibly my favorite book of all time: Ghachar Ghochar

The last line of the book is literally someone (who has been built up as this all knowing guy) walking up to the narrator and saying something along the lines of “sir you should wash your hands, you have blood on them.” The character is referring to the actual blood from the broken glass but come on people. That mixed with the huge conversation his family had about how to kill someone the proper way. And yet when we read it in class even my professor was asking what people thought happened to the wife. Saying it was up to interpretation and there were many possible answers.

No! Just because we don’t see the light leave their eyes in scene does not mean they could be alive!!! Writers should be able to trust their readers. And readers shouldn’t be constantly worried that writers are trying to fake them out.

And you know what? I blame popular movies these days. Not to be a crank academic but like. If you see a building blow up with someone inside they should just be dead okay? I shouldn’t have to think “yeah but the writers are just trying to scare us they didn’t actually kill that character off.” But I have to think these things because now we have Loki back from the dead for the fifth or sixth time and Boba Fett got swallowed by a monster in the eighties and yet here he is with his own show.

Writers should be able to kill people off screen and not have people going “well we don’t know”

But they can’t do that because shitty companies like Disney feel the need to squeeze money out of every character while still trying to have actual stakes. So they only sort of die. They got away from the explosion just in time, or they’re just in a coma (stranger things), or they crawled out of the monster’s stomach after everyone left or it’s their clone with that person’s consciousness (Star Wars) or it’s another timeline’s version of them or he was legally dead for three days but was brought back or the heart monitor was tampered with to fake his death (marvel). This is actually terrible, terrible writing okay? Occasionally a death fake out can work but nine times out of ten it’s just stupid. Because now we have people saying “we don’t know for sure he’s dead because we never see the body and even then who knows”

Anita in Ghachar Ghochar is dead. So is Winston Smith in 1984. Both writers actively killed these characters. They did not leave it “up to interpretation” just because they didn’t show the blood spill from their head.

#I’ve been seeing a lot of talk about how people want to bring mace windu back #or have him survive the fall #and I love #love #love mace windu #but what a stupid idea I’m sorry #of course if it were up to me palpatine boba fett echo ahsoka and every other Star Wars character killed only to have actually survived #would be dead the first time #I like boba fett #I like echo #I like ahsoka #and I like palpatine as a villain #but bringing a character back to life is the fastest way to get me to hate them #unless you kill them with the express purpose to have them go through a resurrection arc (Jon snow for example) #then you just shouldn’t kill them at all #don’t kill a character if you’re not prepared to never use them again okay #1984 #Ghachar Ghochar #anti marvel #anti Loki #anti book of boba fett #boba fett #star wars #stranger things

[no-ctrl]

I am trying my best to not take your lack of response personally but why am I shocked? You have shown me in the past by continually presenting yourself to not respect me or my time. I don’t need your validation but somehow it still hurts. Every time I’m in this situation with you I feel like a little girl begging to be loved. The little girl who once was abandoned by her father is now being abandoned by her ex boyfriend. It’s sad. I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I’m upset that I swallowed my pride and put my heart on the line just for you to rip it up again with no regard or consideration put towards me. I try not to take your lack of communication personally but I am human and my feelings are hurt. Why did you open this can of worms by saying you missed me but the moment I opened up you ran away again. While I know it’s not my fault, something deep inside feels like I’m defected and there HAS to be something wrong with me to cause this. I know it’s not true but it does not stop me from feeling that way. I feel tortured by these feelings. I don’t understand, why am I being punished for loving you? Why is my love not enough? I want to complain and cry and shout at you for putting me through this, but can I blame you? I am the one who broke no contact. Even if I screamed, and cried to you, you would just walk away bc it’s too much. Somehow I’m always too much. Somehow I always make it about myself when you may potentially be going thru things but your lack of communication causes these conspiracies in my brain. I hate you for how you make me feel. I wish you had respect for me. Genuinely I feel so disrespected by not only you but by myself. I am crying right now bc I reached out to you. You didn’t even bother I messaged you. I messaged you so why am I crying for you being yourself? You didn’t do anything different so why am I surprised that you’re not communicating, why am I surprised that you don’t respect my time, why am I surprised that you’re selfish? Why do I still love you despite it all? I don’t understand and I feel shackled to these emotions. I feel imprisoned by these feelings bc you can toss me aside like a piece of trash yet my lack of self love causes me to look past your disrespect. Thts disgusting. I’m disappointed with myself. I think back how difficult it was to not talk to you for that time just for me to ruin it. I broke no contact and literally sabotaged myself bc you clearly still don’t love me. I understand you work. I understand you may get tired. I understand you have your family to tend to. How could you tell me you miss me and then neglect me again? You can’t tell me this isn’t intentional. I feel overwhelmed with emotions bc why do you not want me? What did I do wrong? I tried to withhold my feelings to not scare you off. I tried to play it nice. I tried to not bother you too much. You don’t love me so why did you say it? I’m a person who has feelings and problems in life, I’m not asking you to solve them but I just don’t understand how after everything you just stopped loving me. That year of no contact I literally felt like a piece of me was missing. How were you so okay without me? I don’t understand.

[mythvoiced]

@crue11 | ♥

The first thing the beautiful and ever-so-righteous Xiao XingChen hates himself for today is the way he trembles, ever so slightly, when Xue Yang touches him.

When Xue Yang touches him. Xue Yang. Xue Yang.

Xue Yang whom Xiao XingChen had vouched for, he'd looked at him once, and even despite the things he was already doing, a part of Xiao XingChen would always assume he would have made it out. Would have learned how to be better, would have recognized the error of his ways, how power means nothing if it's built on hills of corpses, quite literally it seems.

All at his own expense.

All because he didn't know better, all because he thought he knew better.

It's different now.

The voice he hears is both more and less familiar than the one he used to sit next to, entertained by stories and tentative touches, inching closer to a reality he didn't think he was allowed solely because it served no purpose other than indulging himself and whatever desire he'd managed to develop over the years.

Xue Yang.

He's still caring. He cares every day, there's food every day, even while his face continues to ache in pain at this point near-numbing, even if he bleeds through nearly every fabric wrapped around his eyes, Xue Yang, Xue Yang, will be there, and wipe it clean, the face he couldn't protect.

Every time Xue Yang comes back, Xiao XingChen is overcome with an intensity of emotions unbecoming to the moon he used to be equalled to. Where Song Lan was icy wind, he was the kinder breeze. He was praised for being gentle, soft-spoken but assertive, someone who'd do the right thing without ever stepping on others, unless terribly provoked, and even then solely to protect the innocent.

When Xue Yang doesn't show up... or when Xiao XingChen gets lost inside his own head and forgets to count the seconds, minutes, hours, when he can't hear him shift around outside, when it's too quiet... it's worse.

He's never been afraid of his disability. Even growing accustomed to it hadn't scared him. It wasn't easy, the jump. It was dreadful, but like a painful challenge, not a terrible reality he'd never learn to come to terms with.

Now, though, the idea of waking up one day and realizing Xue Yang had left, either because his passion project had come back wrong, or for some other reason, none good enough for Xiao XingChen to not think about stumbling out the coffin house and try to track him down.

It wouldn't be fair... if he left now. And yet... can he stomach having him around?

Who's who's property.

When Xiao XingChen used to move, back then, 'grace' and 'elegance' would be associated to him the way clouds were associated to the sky, and depths to lakes.

Now when he knocks the bowl of water over with an accidental swat like he doesn't seem to care for it, as uncaring of the way he sways before he rights himself and reaches for where he'd last heard Xue Yang, Xue Yang's voice, he resembles more all those men pitied for being once large and now small.

He doesn't want to go to him. He can't also not move away from him.

He gets stuck somewhere halfway. He just stops.

"Are you ever going to be honest with me," spat, choked. There's so much ache behind the words he can't make it sound like hate even if he wanted to, but it is. It's the kind of hate born from... well.

It's wet, and it means too much, it's almost swallowed back in a hitch of air, not one of surprise, but one caused by the struggle to not lose his breath under the onslaught of whatever he feels.

Never once does he think about killing Xue Yang. Never once does he think about hurting him. That's not what he wants. He doesn't want Xue Yang to pay. He doesn't want things to be this way.

He wouldn't have hated him.

Maybe.

Under different circumstances.

"I don't want your eyes," that's more like it. Angrier. Tighter jaw, but so aching, so yearning. It's not fair. And for the first time in forever, Xiao XingChen indulges. Allows himself to whine about it, even if only in his heart. Allows himself to selfishly wish it'd been someone else in his stead. Allows himself to hate the entire world, just for a moment.

He's exhausted.

"Why are you..." if only he could cry proper tears. His face contorts. He looks like he's watched a loved one die, without the tranquility of mind to realize what that means for him, for them, as they are. "What do you want from me...?"

#crue11 #the righteous;xingchen #i cannot describe how good a time i am having right now #even reading your tags was like getting shot in the face i loved it #xxc calling him 'a-yang' FUCK we need that really badly i am so tempted to speedrun things to have that KLDGFGH- #it's popping out the queue here but i wrote it real fking fast i guarantee you-- #;queue #xy asks him if he wants his eyes and a notification pops up saying Xiao XingChen Hated That