#but the bigger part of me knows that starting fights on the internet is never good

[blackcatanna]

Trying not to post ANOTHER rant... Been really easily pissed off these past couple of days.

#what ai art has taught me is that many people have no respect for artists #oh no here I go #I wrote out a whole rant but saved it to my drafts because I don't want my blog to become a place of negativity #plus I'm not really an engaging-with-people-on-the-internet kind of girl #like part of me WANTS TO HAVE AN ARGUMENT WITH SOMEONE #THE FIGHT INSTINCT IS STRONG #but the bigger part of me knows that starting fights on the internet is never good #time for another small internet break methinks #must stop the scrolly scrolly #I'll come back when I no longer have PMS XD #MUST... RESIST URGE... TO BROWSE INTERNET FOR PERSON... WITH INFLUENCE... WHO AGREES WITH ME... #This is all so unlike me jeez I hate it #SERIOUSLY THERE'S SO MUCH PUBLIC DOMAIN ART JUST TRAIN YOUR GODDAMN AIS ON THAT #NO IT'S SLIPPING OUT #MUST... CONTAIN... THE BEAST... #OOH I HAVE ICECREAM IN MY FREEZER #AND COOKIE DOUGH #DISTRACTION!

[ego-meliorem-esse]

I present to you my years long obsession - female America.

This is not a Nyotalia version it's just a concept of "what if everything is the same but Alfred was born a girl". Like i see so much potential! In a world where all the odds are stacked against her, she despite it all gets to where she is today. Making good and bad decisions along the way.

A lil hc/backstory for my main girl:

• Given name (by dad Arthur) is Elizabeth Felicity Kirkland but during the revolution changes her last name to Jones. Her first name change happens in the 1820/1830s when she changes it to Alexandra, also dropping her second name. (I was young when I came across the name and it means "defender/protector of man" and I was /obessed/ so i just stick to it since she is a loser and just thinks it's a cool sounding name)

• She goes by Alex/Al and I think that's neat :)

• My girl is tall. Like 181 cm tall. Sender but with visible muscles. She does want a bigger behind but her Anglo-Saxon genetics say nah.

• As a child she spent more time in England due to her being a girl so I think even if Arthur was absent he didn't allow her to spend much time alone in the colonies. She resents that ofc

• Just like with Alfred, Alex is very fkn close to Matt even if she forgets to call him or check up on him for months at a time. Al: "Hey man I know I just called a while ago but how've you been? Matt: "you called me 5 months ago..."

• Works at NASA as a part time aeronaitical engeneer. Loves physics, hates chemistry (self projection im sorry)

• During the revolution she dressed up as a boy but the people she worked with knew she wasn't one. People went along with it anyway.

• Other than during the American revolution, she dressed in feminine presenting clothes up until the 1930s. After that it was trousers all the way!

• Alex was never a nurse during wartime but definitely did accountaint work in ww1 and later joined the Women’s Auxiliary Air Force (WAAF) where she stayed until 1943 when she joined her men fighting on the ground ( Conversion to Army status, Women's Army Corps - WAC). That's when she saw actual combat.

• Isn't fond of birds. Canaries are fine. Eagles are unsettling.

• Obsesses over a certan thing/hobby at a time up to a point where she perfects her skill. When she was about 14 (human years) it was the whole freedom and equality of man and all the politics regarding it. In the 1890s her obession was cars and motor vehicles. The 1910s brought a new obsession on womens rights. 1960s was space exploration where she devoted almost all her time researching and working for NASA, disregarding her goverment/state duties as a country. In the 1980s it was the internet. In 1990s she got really interested in the Balkan wars (self insert >:)) for whatever reason. Today her attention is mostly on social media and her attention span ia short af. Still really likes all things tech.

• Hasn't got many properties/real estate. Al does own a penthouse in Seaport, Boston and a late 17th and early 18th century colonial home in Newbury, Boston (that she needs to renovate asap). The only other real state she owns is in California, though modern and recently buit, it's not big nor does she spend much time there.

• Her personality is basicaly Alfred if he grew up as a woman and had to face opression based on sex and inequality that came with it. So still bubbly, extroverted, a social butterfly but also self-serving, idealistic, manipulative sprinkled in with sarcasm, cautiousness and craftiness. Same feckin sense of humour tho.

• In 1783, at the Treaty of Paris in Versailles both her and her father had to sign the document that started her independence (She herself had a human representitive 'cus of her age/sex bla bla but it was mostly formalities). At that signing Arthur gave her a flintlock pistol that he himself used in the 1640s. Not many words were exchanged, he just put it in her hand to keep. She still has it in her attic. Somewhere. She'd find it if she just takes the time to look for it I'm sure.

• In 1889 she straight up did her first war crime/murder of a fellow nation (if you don't count shooting her pops face off at Saratoga in 1777). After an altrication with Antonio that resulted in him insulting and slapping the girl for her audacity and mouthiness, she punched him straight in the jaw. A fight insued where she got ahold of his belt and straight up strangled him. Took her a while to process that and accept it. On the bright side Antonios scilence was heard around the world and while perplexed and insulted, older and influential (mostly male at that point) nations started to feel a glint of respect forming for the young startup.

• Al was given a family pocket watch by her father in the 90s (No more empire for Arthur so he sad :(((((( ) that was suppoaed to go to a firstborn son of a lord as an inheritance symbol. Everyone thought Jack would get it since Matt is techincally not Arthur's son. But even he would be expected to recieve it before Al. Then in an unexpected turn of events, while visiting her grumpy and nostalgeous empire-missing dad, Arthur pulled out the watch while eating stale kebabs in front of the telly and gave it to her casualy without as much as a word (The empire started with her, it shall end with her). She keeps it in her work desk drawer in a wooden box.

• Al and Zee have an interesting relationship. While being different in almost every aspect, there ia a mutual respect for eachother from eachother. While not really being able to see eye to eye, they are sisters in a certain roundabout and very fucked up way. Girls who learned that they are very much judged by their sex despite being daughters of a high ranking British lord. While aware that she will never be Alex/Elizabeth in her fathers eyes, Zee still gets treated as a treasure by her father. Much to Zee's annoyance.

• It's still Matt who's in Alex's shadow. Despite the dificulties she rises above and is the perfect child of an empire. Smart, intelligent, inquisitive, a fast learner and incredibly aware of the political and historical situation at all times. Even despite being a girl and less than a son in the eyes of a 17th/18th century society, she suceeds.

• Arthur wanted a son to come from his colonial endeavours, as all empires/nobility at the time did. And as all other empires at the time had. But ofc karma is a bitch and he's the only empire with an only child being a daughter. Though at first thougrly dissaponted, when he lays his eyes on his daughter for the first time, the only emotion he can feel is /joy/.

• Instead of sowing/knitting Al's education was very much focused on natural sciences, since that is where Arthur quickly realized she exels at. He swapped her Violin and General History of Music lessions with Astrophysics and The History of Astronomy. All in an attempt to stop her from making his ears bleed from the constant prattling about The Four Square Theorem or The Brachistocrone Curve. It only got worse, but his daughter was happy and content.

I have sooooo many more of these jfc i might do more later but for now this is all I can think of.

TLDR: Female America is great and has so much potential as a character hghhhhhhhh

#i needed yo get this out here eventually #its just so faacinatingghh #also no glasses us 1 i cant draw em for ahit and 2 ber sight is relatively good #she looks a bit like arthur but thats on purpose i think #oh welllllll #hetalia #hws america #aph america #nyo america #nyo!america #nyotalia #my art #myart #historical hetalia #alfred f jones

[hirik0]

Back to you part 6

Makarov/Yuri

When Yuri wakes up he's in an awful mode his alarm is way to loud and happend way to early. Working for Makarov? Forget it! Why did he even thought that's a good idea in the first place? This also means his plan to get Jack a phishing link also needs to change, god fucking damm it. He groans covering his eyes with his left arm, the sun is to bright, he sleeped to less, his throat hurt and has a cut and he has a video call with his lawyer in 30 minutes and the worst problem he has is that Makarov will be at his doorstep or a killer send by him at anytime. He more falls out the bad then rolling and he just want to sleep a littel longer. First thing he needs to cover the bandags around his throat, like his laywer can't see this, so he searches for a scarf or a turtle neck in his closet, nearly not finding either. In his hast he nearly dressed in the dress shirt with blood on the collar. Rushing half dressed, who needs pants if everybody is only seeing the upper half of your body, to the kitchen, where he nearly drops his full coffee cup. He will go back to bed after this call, nothing good will happen to him today. The call also starts in the worst way possible, his laywer looking clearly displeased before she drops this bomb question on him. "Did you sent anyone to intimate your husband?", Lucy Harris is asking him looking angry. "No", Yuri answers being confused by the question, to tiered to even entertain whi she even could refer too. "Well I had a phone call if your ex husbands laywer yesterday and they told me that you sent somebody to provoke him in his favourite bar to get a better case to divorce him." Yuri frowns taking a sip of his coffee trying to get his brain to work. "When was that?", he asks he would remeber if he ask anybody to do this. "The night you were in Moscow with your old friend." Yuris frown gets bigger at this what is she talking about. The realisation hits him like a train, she's talking about Makarov. "I never asked anybody to piss of Jack. If this person was there it was their desition and I don't have anything to do with it." "Well it would be good when it don't happen again." "Of course, I will talk to him." A fat lie because Makarov would do it anyway, especially now that they are fighting. "Good, well they are still push the dates for mediation around so their is honestly not much we can do for now, I can complain to the court over this of course, but I don't think it's to much if an issue now", she explains and Yuri just nods along money is not really an issue sure it sucks but thanks to Zakheav he actually has some really good paying jobs on the line. He also needs the time to adjust his plan now that... oh oh genius of course that can work perfectly. Getting Makarov of Jack with the fake Instagram perfect genius, if he dont get killed later this day. "Of course that sounds great", Yuri says to something he only half listened. And soon after the call ends, what means he can just go back to sleep for few more hours or till Makarov kills him.

Makarov didn't even sleep yet, breathing hurts and well nobody said he can't do work from the bed. So just simply started working. Going through the information he had on the last gig before 141, Europoles new wunder weapon against organisation crime, fucking losers in his opinion, confiscated half of his weapon shipment. Who was on it, who know what who is the mole? He even didn't most analog, do no text, no mails and somebody still got information out, the tablet he uses right now can't even connect to the Internet. Oh this rat will suffer, touring him will be so fun, so satisfying, but he first need to smoke them out. His eye burn from exhaustion, he's getting a nasty stress headache. Circulation a few false information, drawing the circel closer and closer like a shark swimming around a seal hiding on a rock, before taking the lethal bit. But he also need somebody on the outside, somebody that can keep track of what false information is circulating and who was told what, he can always ask Milena he made her husband fall on a knife 8 time after all and she is also profiting from his buisness in more indirect ways, but he dont want to. Everyone knows that he and Milena are close so his men will be careful around her he needs a new face. He lets himself fall back against the pillows when his mind sets on Yuri. Yuri would be perfect, few people know him, he could join easly, well till last night he would say he can trust him, but not with the Zahkeav situation. He's honestly not even angry at Yuri anymore well maybe still a littel bit, but he's now mostly angry at Victor Zakhaev how did he even found Yuri? Depending on what he will learn at 3 pm there are probably a lot of persons trying to recruit Yuri to work for them exclusively. But Yuri is his, only his.

He sits in his office the pain meds finaly working. Waiting for Paval, his man for cyber crime what makes a good stable amount of money every year. Yuri claimed he sometimes sold to Pavel and well truth soon will be discovered. Pavel looks pale when he walks in as to be aspected, being called in by the boss with out given a reason is usally a very bad sign. His hands are slightly shaking when he sits down ready to throw a subordinate under the bus if needed. "What can you tell me over the Magpie, Pavel?", Makarov asks enjoying the effect he has on the other man. "His malware is amazing, but the windows you can buy from him are rare, he sometimes even offers to write custom programs for the right amount of money, but nobodyever could confirm that. His work is good, he's on time, I always buy something when his shop is open." Makarov nods along so if Yuri is who he claims to be he is a very valuable asset to the organisation. "What do you know about him?" Pavel frowns that is the whole point of him only selling a few times a year is to make sure he can't be found that easy, there is only one think that is seen as confirmed that he must work on cyber security. A insider making money on the side with crime. "He works in cyber security, besides that he's hiding his identity very well. Makarov frowns at this so how did Zakheav found him then? Pavel starts to sweat under the angry gaze of his boss, not sure if he is of the hook or not. "Would you reconices his work?", Makarov asks having to suppress a yawn, he needs more coffee. "I even have some of his latest work to directly compare it to anyone that claims to be the Magpie", Pavel nearly wispers not wanting to unleash Makarovs anger on himself. "Perfect, be prepared to do so, you can go now." With this Makarov dismisses Pavel who has the feeling he's a gazelle getting away from a very hungry lion. So he walks out of the place as fast as he can without looking like he's running. Makarov makes himself another coffee he really wants a drink, but he don't mixes medication with alcohol, the risk of accidently killing himself out of stupidity. That would be embarrassing because he's the man with at least 5 back up plans, the man that knows how to use legal grey zones for his advantage, the one never been pinned down for the big crimes, always getting away. Not for a lag of trying and the 141 is becoming a pain in his ass, Captain John Price had a interesting team. His attack dog Simon 'Ghost' Riley who lost his whole family because of a cartel, Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick his protégé since he finished college with degree in forensics, the hard to kill Gary 'Roach' Sanderson who lost his voice in a undercover mission he barely survived and the new guy John 'Soap' MacTavish who before worked in the bomb squad. Not to forget his supporters behind the scenes Nikolai somebody that left crime to become a police officer, Kate Laswell and Alex Keller that are their contacts to Interpol, Shepard leader of a anti drug unit of the several US agencies and his attack dog Graves who is in lead in the fight against Mexican Cartels.

He takes a sip from his coffee if he had to bet money on it he would put it on Graves having installed a mole. He's actually know for doing highly questionable undercover missions, most aren't as lucky a Sanderson and survive when the cover is ultimately blown. 141 stared to target him around 7 months, ruining plans of his all over Europe, but the mole must be here for longer. Makarov knows the failing rate for new people to join his organisation is around 70%, most of them die, the next biggest reason he rejects them because their work is bad, they are unreliable, some cracking under the pressure of police when all they have to do is shut their stupid mouth. So for somebody to get this high to get that valueable information to seriously hurting his organisation they must work for him for nearly two years, must be working directly under one of his Lieutenants. His coffee mug is half empty and the damm drink can't keep his exhaustion at bay anymore. He can visit Yuri after he sleeped, making a strategic move tiered can end disaster because Yuri is probably well rested by now and would likely not put up a fight this time. Also when he breaks into Yuris place at a unsuspected time or when Yuri is asleep he has the uper hand.

Yuri is still tiered when he wakes up again in the late afternoon. He is still alive, what don't mean that Makarov is not in his living room when he leaves his bed room. But their is no Makarov in his living room waiting for him, what honestly is worse, if the other Russian would be in his place he atleast knows he is about to die. Now he hast to wait, he turns on his laptop so he can check his mails. He puts a pizza in the oven because well he need to eat. Before laughing at his silly thought, you can just text Makarov and ask. While waiting for his pizza he checks over his mails, seeing a familiar mail address from work. Kate Laswell wrote him, he frowns should he read it, should he just delete it? He can still delete it after reading. He already cringes when he reads the first part of the mail. Sure Kate probably don't know he's divorcing their interaction were always exclusively business.

Dear Mr. Blaire,

Mrs Potter was so friendly to give me your new business mail address. We were very grateful if we could still use your expirince for some of our cases, please send me a list with your prices as soon as possible.

Regards

Kate Laswell

He looks dumbfounded at the mail for a while. He never planned to keep working in cyber security, did he told that his colleagues sure, but it was a lie. Also of course Alice gave out his e-mail out, one he also only uses to keep the lie from being to obvious. He thinks about simply deleting the mail account, does he really still need it? It would be foolish to keep the account now that he has the first profitable jobs to modify certain malware and bots for the people Zahheav introduced him. The smell of pizza is slowly filling the room so he takes a look at it, the cheese isn't melded enough for him. When he goes back to his laptop he nearly clicks delete account when he rembers he also gave this mail also to his lawyer. So he does the next best think blocking Laswell and deleting her mail with out answering. This is probably something he should talk with Makarov about if ge survives the fight ring problem. After getting the pizza out if the oven he grabs his phone opening his chat with Makarov. Seeing his drink text from the night in Moscow with Milena and he laughts at the absurdity on how their relationship did a 180 by now. He still sends the silly text he about Makarov killing him.

Yuri: you decided on killing me yet or can I do work?

Its such a stupid text, why did he even send it? He bits in his pizza the cheese and tomato sauce burning his mouth. Great really a bad day, he sits down on his couch laptop on his lap pizza on the couch table and it's fucking nostalgic. He can't even recall how often Makarov, Milena and him sat after university together in a living room all doing homework and complain about it. How often they would ask Makarov about the law, how often he helped Milena with the math for her buisness degree how often the other looked over his code to find the one missing semicolon so the code would work. He was happy back then. All of them working their ass of in university at day and at the fighting ring at night to finance their degrees. Then Jack happened and Makarov and Milena stayed away, because they could not stand his boyfriend. How they would fight, because of Jack their friendship crumbling honestly a wonder they even came to the wedding. But now after all this time after he came back it don't feel like things never changed, like Jack never happened, well besides Makarov maybe killing him after he already gave him a unheard second chance he won't get a third.

Makarov: Andrei will come by and you will give him an USB-stick with some of your code for comparison

Y: you can read code by now?

M: I have people for that

Y: of course you have

Yuri sighs so his contact person in Makarovs organisation want to see some of his work, to compare to what he sells. He rolls his eyes coding a classic first generation malware. He eats the next slice of pizza thinking what to do add to it to give it his spin. Something that screams Magpie. Mid chew he knows exactly what to do. Does he have to prove to his claim of being the Magpie sure to a stranger, but he also can do something that Makarov knows from back in universety.

#call of duty #makayuri #vladimir makarov #cod yuri

[yoonieper]

Pecattiphilia— Part 4 | PJM

Pecattiphilia is the sexual arousal from performing an act one believes is a sin.

✽ Pairing: Jimin x Reader

✽ Genre: Angel Au, angst, fluff, future smut, this is a slow burn (kinda?)! 

✽ Rated: B for New Beginnings 

✽ Series Warnings: This series will include discussion of religious aspects such as the afterlife and concepts of heaven and hell (There are no direct ties to any specific religion besides the mention of angels and demons— all aspects of religion was created by me for this series), this series includes a lot of violence (sometimes graphic depictions) and gore (nothing extreme, Jimin and the boys fight monsters sometimes), and mentions of sin (particularly revolving around sexual topics)

✽ Chapter Specific Warnings: The babies get a bit vulnerable in this chapter, flagellation, violent thoughts, violence (Jimin takes down some bad guys), things get a little gorey, nsfw thoughts wink wonk, things get a little heated ;)

✽ Word Count: 12k

✽ Summary: Jimin is sent to watch over you and as the years go by he gets more and more curious and sometimes just wishes he could get to know you. But he knows that’s forbidden, it's sin. However, a freak accident somehow causes Jimin and your eyes to meet for the first time with purpose. He knows it shouldn’t happen but he doesn’t want to break away. He wants you to look at him, wants you to touch him, wants you to be with him. The problem is none of this should have happened in the first place… what’s happening to him?

✽ Now Playing…: Sin City by Chrishan (slowed), Have Mercy by Chlöe, Blood Sweat and Tears by BTS, Lie by BTS (Jimin) 

✽ Author’s Note: I’m so sorry for the wait guys… I posted about this in my last update, but parts 5 (maybe) and 6 (bigger maybe) I’ll try to get out this year, but next year I’ll be prioritizing series so this should get done sooner than the current pace! Idk if y’all noticed the slow burn, but things are just about to start getting interesting (hint hint part 6 is going to be fun) so please look forward to that~ I hope to post a more concrete schedule at some point so follow if interested 😘

No reposting, modifying. Translating is not allowed unless given explicit permission. Thank you so much :D

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You had to keep telling yourself that this was all just a dream. You knew it was, you had convinced yourself long ago that this was all in your imagination. One day you must have gotten so lonely your mind had managed to conjure up this beautiful angel to satisfy that crave for affection and your wish to be loved. 

That still never stopped you from getting butterflies anytime Jimin would appear whenever you’d close your eyes.

It was pathetic, you knew it, but you never found yourself happier than when you were with him. 

He found his way into your dreams pretty much every night. It was honestly more odd for him not to be there sometime during your slumber. After weeks began to pass, as crazy as it sounds, you really questioned at times if it was really all just a dream. How could this happen? Was it really possible to dream of the same person every single night? 

You certainly didn’t think so and oftentimes questioned your own sanity. You might have actually lost it. 

A quick search on the internet didn’t help your worries. You asked what dreams like this might mean and all that came up was a whole lot of cryptic bullshit about soulmates that you didn’t buy one bit. Honestly you believed the whole angel thing Jimin stuck with a lot more than that. 

After you really never came to a conclusion you just decided to forgo the need for one and just enjoy the delusions while they last.

Each time you would be whisked away into some new fantastical date night with the angel. Sometimes you both would be frolicking in the fields while riding on the backs of unicorns, others you and Jimin would sit underneath the tree you first met and just talk about your day. 

The longer it went on, the more you got used to it, and the more you needed him in your life.

It was a little strange. Despite the constant flirting that was seemingly happening between you two, besides the first time you met, things have remained almost strictly platonic. Jimin was your friend more than anything. Of course with you knowing it was a dream, you tried to take things a step forward but each time Jimin became standoffish. Instead of trying to force anything you kept it platonic as well. 

Maybe Jimin was truly here to just be your friend. 

That would be true but you knew it wasn’t. Jimin had made it clear he liked you and that your outings were dates that he took the time to meticulously plan. Yet still there was a notable distance, physically speaking, that sometimes had you doubting his proclamation. 

Instead of thinking about that too hard either you just enjoyed your time with him. It was just a dream after all, no need to get caught up in messy labels and all that. 

Jimin was just too nice to hang out with for you to care about the specifics of your relationship. 

As long as he was with you, you were fine. 

Just like today, Jimin had surprised you and swept you off your feet to whisk you away to the stars. 

No this wasn’t a metaphor, a hyperbole, or any other rhetorical device, today you actually found yourself clinging onto the angel as he flew you up higher into the atmosphere. 

You watched in amazement as the sky quickly turned from its normal light blue shade, gradually getting darker, before you both were in the vacuum of space. 

It earned a quick reaction as your body instantly panicked about the logistics of it, but Jimin laughed, making you realize once again that this was all just a dream. 

Just a dream. 

Getting a true taste of Jimin’s speed, you managed to fly all the way to Saturn within the span of about 20 minutes. It was strange, the stars seemed to blur around you but you didn’t feel it at all. Things all seemed to be moving in slow motion as you admired the angel, him holding your attention more than the dark cosmos ever did. 

On the way over you would get quick glimpses of the passing planets, he would also point out distant constellations, promising to take you to far away lands one day. 

You couldn’t believe all of this was somehow in your head. 

He landed you both on one of the larger rocks that made up the planet’s rings and magically pulled out a picnic basket. 

Only with Jimin would you ever have a picnic on Saturn’s rings. 

You both talked and laughed as you ate the array of foods, jajangmyeon like you had been craving all day along with the sweetest tasting fruits you‘ve ever eaten. 

The date was sweet and absolutely magical like any time you both would meet, however, unlike most other days you came to visit, something was different. 

It was obvious in the silence that would hang for too long in between conversations, it was in the way your smile was never able to reach where it usually does, it was in the way that staring off into the cosmos tears would prick your eyes. 

For some reason you knew Jimin knew that today just wasn’t your day and that you were pretending, but he never said anything, instead let the conversations fade into nothing and let you cry out silently. 

“Is— is that a comet?” You couldn’t hide the shaking in your voice. 

Jimin hummed lightly. 

You laughed, you were starting to feel the tears start streaming down your face. 

“It’s so pretty, from here it almost looks like any other star.” You were rambling, you knew that. 

For a while both of you didn’t say anything after that, it just became harder and harder to keep your sobs quiet. All of a sudden Jimin sat up and propped his head up with his hand so he could face you. 

His eyes made you flustered and you quickly tried to wipe your eyes, but he grabbed your wrist. You were confused at first but he used his other hand to wipe your cheek gently. 

“There’s no need to pretend.” His voice was soft and instantly had more tears spilling from your eyes. 

His words seemed to be all it took to break your wall of composure. 

“It’s so stupid.” You sobbed and Jimin just continued to wipe away the tears. 

“No it’s not, I promise.” 

“I’m over here weeping like a baby just because shit didn’t go my way today, I should be paying more attention to other things, we’re in space for fucks sake.” You didn’t look good, you knew it. You just couldn’t stop crying, your face was hot, and you could quickly feel your nose starting to run. 

Normally with guys you like you would never show this side of yourself, but things with Jimin just felt different, him being there with you made it so much easier. 

Jimin didn’t say anything again and just let you cry, eventually pulling you into his arms. It was exactly what you wanted. 

“You don’t need to justify anything, it’s fine to just be sad.” Jimin eventually reassured. “Besides, I think she was a bitch too.” He added with a smile. 

At this he finally got you to smile. “Dambi’s so annoying, I try not to let her get to me but…” You chuckled as you wiped your eyes. 

The reason for your sadness was nothing more than a difficult day with a coworker, one who’s known notoriously around the office as just being awful. She’ll ridicule, call you names, and do anything to get under your skin. Most of the time you were able to avoid her, but your boss had you working together today and as soon as you got here with Jimin, for some reason you just couldn’t take it anymore. 

Jimin continued to stare at your face and occasionally brushed away a stray tear. 

“What does it feel like?” He asked absentmindedly. You looked over at him confused and you were shocked to see his eyes meeting your own. 

“What do you mean?” 

“To be sad, to cry. What does it feel like?” His tone was genuine, he looked at you like he was almost amazed. You couldn’t be more confused, he sensed this. 

“I don’t get sad like you do. I feel down sometimes but even after looking over so many people I can never quite understand what it feels like to get to that point where water starts pouring from your eyes and you just…” Jimin turned to face the stars. 

“Let it out, the pain. I don’t feel anything.” His voice was quiet, like he didn’t want you to hear. 

You were waiting for the punchline, the joke, anything to indicate he wasn’t serious, but Jimin’s smile began to fade. 

“I want to cry with you, to feel what you do.” He sighed. 

At this point you knew he was being serious. 

“You can’t cry?” You asked, sitting up.

Jimin shook his head. 

“I don’t get sad like you do. It didn’t really matter in the past, but I feel like I can’t comfort you properly. I don’t know what you’re feeling.” He mentioned. Saying it out loud made it obvious the reason why. 

He was not designed to be put in a situation like this. All he needed to do was watch his humans from afar, he was never supposed to interact with them. 

You laid back down on the blanket, making sure to snuggle into his arms extra tightly. 

“So angels can’t cry? You learn something new everyday.” You tried to joke but looking up at Jimin’s face, you knew it was more than that. 

“It’s not just that… I don’t feel anything like you do.” You looked at him shocked. For some reason your mind went to how your relationship really hasn’t progressed anywhere. Maybe this might be the reason. 

“All I know is what I feel for you, but even that seems so foreign.” Jimin furrowed his brows at the mention of it. It took him a minute to realize that he had said that out loud and what that must have sounded like to you. 

“This probably doesn’t make any sense to you, I’m sorry space does this to me.” He tried to laugh off but you weren’t having it. 

“Talk to me.” You finally said. 

“I’m not really supposed to, besides you don’t even think I’m real.” Jimin had tried his best to convince himself that he was fine with you just thinking he was a dream, but the more time he spent with you the harder it was. He wanted you to think he was just as real as everyone else. 

“Humor me, or at least with what you can tell me. Let’s pretend you were real, that an angel for some reason is visiting me in my dreams every night. What’s going on?” You were truthfully interested. 

Jimin smiled at this and laid back down. “I’m not supposed to be here.” He put it plainly. “I’m risking a lot trying to see you.” Despite his words, he held that faint smile on his face. 

“I’m not designed to feel anything. I take orders, see them through, and protect. I’m not made for anything else. It’s making things complicated on my end, because during my time with you, I’ve never felt like this.” 

You couldn’t stop the way your heart nearly beat out of your chest. 

“But, that’s a problem.” He quickly added. 

“Why?” You tried not to sound worried, for some reason you wanted Jimin to like you, feel that same flutter that you did every time you met in your dreams. 

He looked over at you. “I shouldn’t feel anything for you, yet here we are. Alone together on Saturn’s rings.” He chuckled weakly. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” You pushed even further.

“That I must be broken.” The words seemed to linger in the vacuum, a weird mix of emotions was going through your head and Jimin knew about every single one. 

He knew how off putting you thought it was that refer to himself as broken at the thought of him having feelings for you but he also knew how excited you got at him being open and honest with you.

Did you really feel this way for him? He could feel your heart beating out your chest, he could even feel the butterflies dancing inside you. Within a month’s time he’s managed to make you feel like this about him and it’s miles ahead of what he could ever feel for you. 

He wants more, that even if he doesn’t feel those same emotions as you he could show you what he does feel is in his own way even greater. The fact he even felt anything for you was a miracle. 

This was meant to be a solution, a way to be close to you without the repercussions of interacting with you in the normal plane, yet he’s somehow made everything worse. He wants you even more. 

“Anyway enough about me, you wanted to talk about Dambi?” He tried to escape the questions and answers he knew you were looking for. 

“Jimin we can’t just move on… you’ve been in my head before and I know you know what I’m thinking.” You sighed sitting up. 

Jimin frowned. 

“Y/n I don’t have answers for you, I’m sorry.” He was honest but also was lying. He shouldn’t be telling you any of this anyway. 

“I mean… you literally said you have to be broken because of your feelings for me.” Your voice was shaky again. Jimin felt the pain in every syllable, he hurt you… again. 

Instead of explaining himself he let the silence speak for him. What was there to say? It was true, he was broken. 

“Jimin I don’t know what we’re doing, what this is between us, but… fuck, is it that bad you feel actually broken?” You tried to sound like it didn’t affect you, this was a dream for fucks sake, but it did, his words hurt. 

Jimin didn’t say anything once again. 

His silence made you think about the whole reason your brain contoured up this angel in the first place. You were so lonely and you knew no one wanted you. It’s what your last boyfriend proved to you, it’s what almost everyone in your life has proven to you. 

All you were was just a pretty face and nothing more to people, over the years you’ve just accepted that fact and chose to be by yourself. People will come and go in life, no need to tie yourself down anymore— is what you used to tell yourself but if this month with Jimin has proved anything it is that you really were craving for more. 

Did you really deserve it though? You thought this month together has been amazing, something you looked forward to everytime you would close your eyes, but for such a beautiful angel to think of any feelings that has sprung up as him being broken? Were you really that fucked up? 

Were you really that unwantable? 

“It’s fine, I’m fine. This is all just a fucking dream, none of this matters. I don’t even do relationships anymore so—” You tried to laugh at yourself but you could feel the tears running down your cheeks. Why were you getting so worked up over a figment of your imagination? 

You sighed and laid back down to stare at the planet honestly waiting at this point to wake up. This was all so stupid, you felt so stupid. 

It was then that you felt Jimin shift slightly on your right side, you didn’t really pay too much mind to it, honestly wanting nothing more than to be done with him, but suddenly he was on top of you and staring directly into your eyes. 

“Is this what you want?” His voice was raspy as his hand came up to caress your cheek and he rested his head against yours. You felt your body come alive in a second, the words that have been bouncing around in your mind immediately forgotten. 

“Is this what it’ll take for you to understand how much I want you?” His tone was very direct, he had to make sure you understood. 

You were at a loss for words, too focused on how close his lips were to yours. 

“You have to understand that I wasn’t made for this, I can’t give you everything you want.”

“Jimin…” you sighed, your body lighting ablaze under his touch. 

“Y/n I don’t know what I’m doing I—“ You wrapped your legs around his waist to pull him closer. 

You heard his breathing hick when you couldn’t possibly pull him even closer. 

“Are you sure you want this?” Your lips grazed his cheek. 

“Yes…” you sighed. 

Jimin for some reason couldn’t accept that, instead he pulled back slightly and watched the look in your eyes as you started to remember. All the dates he fucked up that he started anew so you would like him, you even saw the first time he appeared in your dreams, the atrocious sight he let you see from his punishment for his sins. 

He didn’t know how to do this at all. 

“Y/n I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know how to do this at all.” He cried as he started seeing the tears return to your eyes. Jimin had no idea how to love you like he knew you wanted, the way you deserved. 

He couldn’t, it just wasn’t possible. 

“You don’t want this…” He sighed softly, using his hand to wipe away the tears. 

Your attention focused on him but returned to his lips. 

“We’ll figure this out, no one is perfect… we can learn how to do this right together.” You smiled up at him and he felt something inside him snap, a horrible burn on his wrist. 

No one is perfect.

“Jimin I want you… please—“ You could hardly finish before you felt a pair of lips crash onto yours. 

It was hurried, fast, a moment you had been waiting for since you laid eyes on him. His lips were so soft and you didn’t know whether it was the butterflies or was it a kiss from an angel that made your whole body tingle. It was electric, one that quickly had your body on fire. 

You ran your hands over the soft fabric of Jimin’s shirt, your hands eventually making their way into his hair, needing to feel and be as close to him as possible. 

It felt like everything was in slow motion, quick or one that lasted a century, you had no idea because all of a sudden you found yourself jerked awake and welcomed by your dark room once again. 

You ended up laying there for a while trying to process everything. Really, what just happened?

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

Unbeknownst to you was the angel who was sitting beside you on the bed. He was not turned your way, instead a hand was ghosting over his lips, and his eyes were wide as he stared down at the ground in horror. 

His other hand toyed anxiously with the chain that hung around his neck, it serving as a reminder of the sin he’s just committed. 

It was never supposed to go this far, he never wanted it to go this far. 

Jimin had now crossed a line he knew can’t come back from. 

His attention turned behind him to see you a little confused, your face still wet from tears but he could see it on your face and feel the giddiness as you thought about the dream.

You kept replaying the moment again and again in your head, you couldn’t remember everything exactly except the warmth you felt when your lips met. What to you was just a dream was as much a reality for Jimin and he could remember every detail. 

How it felt to have your body so close to his, how beautiful you looked underneath him, how your lips felt against his, and how much, despite how every part of his body burned from the sin, he wanted to do it again. 

That was the very first time, at least in this life, he had ever kissed someone. 

In the past he’d get confused at the strange emotions his humans would feel whenever he’d watch them kiss the person that their heart longed for or that they craved for a night of passion. It seemed like such a strange practice to feel such powerful emotions for. Lips touching lips, in the past he would get disgusted and would need to turn away, but more recently the sentiment would confuse him more than anything. 

Even though Jimin was only empathizing slightly, the powerful emotions of a kiss would be enough to give him butterflies occasionally. 

The last human he watched over, John— he could never forget that moment when he finally kissed his long-time crush, Ana, the girl he had a crush on since high school, who eventually became his wife. Back then that moment was enough to make Jimin blush, a deep dark desire of wanting to be in the moment, Ana had been so pretty under the moonlight that night and the explosion of love John felt in that moment made it hard to look away. 

Jimin couldn’t help imagining himself standing in the place of his human, what it would feel like to hold someone that close and—

Jimin that day had to repent for the first time. Normally he was so clean, an occasional visit back to heaven would be enough to suffice for any minor sins, but that burning he felt just like now was hard to ignore so he did what he needed to. It worked back then but this time…

Jimin couldn’t even explain the symphony of feelings he felt. It was as if the most turbulent piece of music exploded into the fiercest of crescendos, a heavenly melody played in his ears as your lips moved against his. It was like kissing the purest of light in a world that was frozen, barren, and dead. You were so warm, so inviting, he was deprived, so so deprived of that warmth, it physically hurt him to pull away from your embrace. 

What might it have felt like to be even closer? What new colors of emotions would he have experienced if he continued? 

Jimin knew them all, colors that is, and he could see every possible ray imaginable. But with you he felt like he was looking at a masterpiece painted with all new parts of the spectrum that had only been created around you. 

He wanted to see more. He wanted more. 

That very thought made him feel so dirty. What has he become? Someone so easily lured into temptation? Has he really become that weak?

He turned around to you again this time his eyes filled with disgust. How dare you do this to him? 

He got up and started pacing around your room. 

Maybe if you knew what you were messing with you would stop. He could appear right here, right now in your room and set the record straight. He could yell at you for ruining him, he could scream all he wanted, but at the end of the day, as much as he wanted to convince himself that it was all your fault, he knew he was even more guilty. 

It was Jimin that made the decision to visit you in your dreams, it was him that would always come back, it was him who was broken. 

Jimin looked back at you again, you were mindlessly scrolling on your phone. You had thrown off the covers (a result of the dream) to reveal the oversized shirt you had worn to bed. You paid no mind to the fact that it had ridden up to reveal enough skin that made the burned words on his skin set ablaze all over again. 

You tempted him to sin so easily and he hated it. He hated you. He didn’t want to but you were getting in the way of him performing his duties properly and his work meant everything to him. 

No human has managed to make him travel this far down into sin, any burning he would ever feel would be enough to remind him of his place. 

Why did it have to be you, the human he watches over to tempt him so much? You of all the humans? 

It was so clear that there was something going on, a problem he needed to get checked out the minute he started to feel the flutter whenever you happened to meet eyes unknowingly. There was no reason to hate you but his eyes couldn’t tear away from your legs and how much a part of him wished you would shift a little so he could see more, he couldn’t stop the sinister feelings from erupting in retaliation. 

Jimin looked down at the cross around his neck, a symbol of his allegiance, and he knew the best course of action was to just get out of here. He needed to get out of here. 

He flew out your window and zoomed away without a destination in mind, he just needed to be away from you. 

His head was spinning, the farther he got away from your apartment the more his heart was pulling him back to you and he fucking hated it. 

Jimin found himself flying over a forest. His head at this point was starting to hurt so he just decided to stop and breathe. 

Jimin sighed as he felt the soft blades of grass on the soles of his feet. He knew no one was out here for miles so he allowed himself to phase into the normal plane. 

He would never normally do this when he was a guardian, but this just adds to the list of things that Jimin would never do before but for some reason these days doesn’t care about. 

The birds chirped, the sounds of nature were almost deafening but the orchestra of life proved to be comforting in this moment. Jimin just hoped it would finally ground him. 

He took a seat against a tree and tried to close his eyes to enjoy the peace and quiet. 

He tried to focus on his awareness of the animal life around him; the bird that was on the tree next to him, the ant that was crawling through the grass behind him, the deer that had heard him come down and had run away. 

He hoped this would be enough but even then all he imagined was your lips against his while his hand pushed up that oversized shirt you had to wear. What made it worse was that he knew you weren’t wearing anything, how easy it could have been to feel you if he had the chance. 

His mind also couldn’t get over how you said you wanted him, you wanted him despite knowing the fact it was clear he didn’t know how to do this, how he lied to you, and you still don’t even remember the fact he erased whatever incident caused Jimin’s fall into temptation. Maybe if he told you you wouldn’t want him anymore? 

Maybe things would be easier to get over if he knew you didn’t want him the same way. He knew how much you wished he was real, he knew that every time you go out you would search for the ‘mystery man’ who occupied your dreams. Your desire was making it harder to pull away.

But he wasn’t human and he was not meant to give in. His job was to be your protector and that was it. The fact that he was clearly defective was not only putting himself at risk, but more importantly putting you and his whole team at risk. 

What if they found out he was defective? What would they do to them? 

Jimin without thinking tugged off his shirt to reveal the gold letters across his skin blackened out with the sins he’s committed. The sight was appalling and made him sick to even think he could get to a point like this. 

He hurriedly pulled out his handle and turned the dials, emerging from one side was a small whip that separated into nine different ends.

He needed to repent, harder. So much was at risk if he didn’t get it together. 

Jimin got on his knees and clung to the tree in front of him. He didn’t hesitate in bringing the whip down as hard as he could. 

He cried out as his grip on the tree tightened. Jimin once again was reminded he was insane, because in that moment all he could think about was you and how much he wanted to kiss you again. 

Jimin quickly brought the whip down again. 

He had to get past this. 

You should stop lying to yourself.

I’m not.

You’re becoming corrupted. 

No, I’m fine.

Do you want her still?

So, so badly. 

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

Jimin had been watching you trying to bake a recipe your sister had sent you earlier that week of the chocolate magic cake she made you the last time you saw each other. 

He had been fawning over how cute you looked trying to make each layer perfect. You had been stuck on the second layer for ages and for some reason Jimin enjoyed seeing how much effort you were putting into this measly dessert. 

You were so cute. 

Jimin had been so distracted that when he was getting the notification he was late to his team’s monthly meeting he was scrambling, trying to reach for his halo and rushing inside. 

He was not surprised to find everyone’s eyes on him as he rounded the corner to their meeting room. Immediately the scorched words on his thigh sent a shearing pain in leg. 

‘Guilt.’ 

To make matters worse, Jimin had never been late to a meeting before. 

The silence that hung in the air was loud and made his skin crawl. Considering what he told them the last time they saw each other, he could tell that’s all they were thinking about to be the reason for his untimeliness. 

What was even worse was that they were right. It had everything to do with his feelings for you. 

Jimin took a cautious seat in his assigned spot, everyone’s eyes following him as he moved. As soon as he sat down the sting on his back served as a reminder that his plan of repentance had been a failed journey so far. Everyday he went back out to that same forest and tried his best to force these urges and desires out of him. 

With how today went it was obvious he needed to work harder. 

Has the burn of sin not been enough yet? 

The only thing it had managed to do was convince him to not visit you for the last few days, but each and every day he missed you dearly and wanted to continue where you last left off. 

Jimin could tell all of them wanted to ask where he was, what could have possibly kept him from their meeting. He could have easily lied and said he got caught up with a demon. He seemed good at doing that these days, but he couldn’t lie to them. 

Instead Jimin wallowed in his guilt as Namjoon finally broke the silence to finally start the meeting. 

“Anyway, I wanted to start off this meeting by saying the higher ups have informed me that we’re to be dispatched on a mission in 2 days time. I thought it would be good to go over the details before going over our reports.” Namjoon got up so he was standing at the head of the table, everyone’s attention now was all on him. 

A hologram appeared in the middle of the table to reveal a building and a face. To any human it wouldn’t look like anything much but for Jimin’s team and any angel really this was an obvious case of a class 2 demon. 

“This is Abigor— a demon that’s recently managed to escape from H.E.L.L.” 

“What? Abigor escaped?!” Hoseok exclaimed. 

“I know, we still don’t know how he managed to make it past the gates with how many people were looking for him, but he did and we only just now have gotten word that others escaped with him.” The hologram changed to footage collected from the outside of their fortress, with more class 2 demons patrolling the area. 

 “Holy— how did that many get out?” Taehyung asked, confused, everyone was. 

“We have no idea, but it seems he’s managed to grow his legion even more since he’s escaped to earth. Some of the demons we’ve observed have been on our missing list for ages.” The hologram pulled up the few profiles they had managed to identify. 

“This isn’t good.” Seokjin sighed. 

“We’re hoping it looks worse than what it is in actuality, but that’s the reason we’re being dispatched so suddenly, to hopefully take care of this problem quickly and quietly.” 

“Of course they send us to fix their fuck up.” Seokjin added, with an exaggerated eye roll. Everyone was a little annoyed this had happened. 

“I feel like there’s been more and more of these cases happening, demons managing to get past the P3 angels patrolling the gates. It doesn’t make sense.” Yoongi pondered. 

It was weird, in all the time they’ve been awakened they’ve never had this many calls for missions. 

“I’ve heard the P3 angels have been complaining to the higher ups. They think something is happening and have been requesting backup.” Namjoon added. 

“Well, whatever is happening hopefully they get it under control soon. I’m tired of dealing with all these calls plus being on guardian duty.” Jungkook sighed, leaning back further in his chair.

“Do you think we can convince the higher ups to give us another break after we all finish?” Seokjin chuckled and the others all joined in. 

“At this point, they have to give us some type of break. We’ve been working overtime…” Jungkook tried massaging his temples, but the fatigue just wasn’t going to go away that easily. 

“C'mon guys, we’re angels, we can’t get tired. Enough about how we feel, our jobs are the priority.” Namjoon tried to pep up spirits but for some reason there was a sudden uneasy shift in the room.

“Anyway I thought I would wait to hear the reports but it’s probably best to just get this over with before we need to start discussing our strategies. We don’t have as long as we like so we’ll probably be here for a while.” 

Silence continued to pass for a while, everyone waiting for someone to say something first. 

“I’ve gotten my zero.” Seokjin was the first to say. 

“Already?” Namjoon chuckled, a little surprised.

“Don’t you guys remember I had the guy in the Lemian war?” 

Everyone awed, it suddenly all made sense. 

“He lasted a lot longer than I was expecting. I’m still a few months out, but I have my date and time.” 

“That’s good— what are your projected numbers?” 

“Better than average, since I knew I likely wouldn’t have much time with him I made sure to be extra careful in keeping him as pure as I could. I can’t say anything conclusive yet but I’m hoping to end with a 3.8~” 

They all ooed at the number.

“Good job.” 

“He’s a good kid, made things a little easier for me. I’m at a 3.6 right now, but I’m confident I can bring that up to .2 before zero hits.” 

Jimin had managed to maintain you at a 3.9… the highest was 4. It used to be higher but because of the day Jimin randomly fell into your apartment, leaving you unprotected for 12 hours, his 3.96 went down. Stats like that without a zero were unheard of. 

“Great, please make sure to make your final reports to the higher ups a little more detailed. You know how they get when our numbers get too high.” Seokjin nodded at Namjoon’s words, understanding the procedure. 

“What about everyone else? What are your current numbers?” 

The boys started to go through normal report procedures, going through a general telling of the last month plus their current numbers and projects and ambitions for the next month. Jimin usually enjoyed hearing what his team’s been up to since they parted ways, but at the mention of their humans his mind was suddenly back to you once again and the guilt of his sins. 

How could he face them right now? 

He felt like such a failure. His team had an image to upkeep, if anyone were to find out that Jimin— the same Jimin who would roll his eyes at the shear mention of a P2 angel fooling around with a human— had gone on to break so many rules to kiss the human he was assigned to protect… 

And with all he wanted still despite everything was to see you and kiss you again. He wanted it so bad, he wanted to show you how excited he was to finally call you his. What if you thought he didn’t want you anymore? 

The thought alone was laughable, if only you knew how much work he tried to get you out his head only for you to be back within seconds—

“Jimin?” 

At the mention of his name he finally looked up to see everyone staring at him. 

“What’s wrong with your face…? It’s like… all red right now.” Taehyung asked what everyone was thinking. 

“Are you ok? You’ve been acting strange since you got here.” Yoongi glared at him suspiciously. 

“I swear Jimin if this has something to do with Y/n…” Namjoon groaned, already sensing where this was about to go. 

Tell them.

Jimin looked up to see their concerned faces staring at him, waiting for him to say something and if the guilt was bad before, under their gaze he couldn’t possibly have felt any worse. It was the closest he ever felt to bursting into tears. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Jimin what the fuck have you done.” Namjoon groaned, already sensing he was going to hate what Jimin was about to say.

See. 

And so he told them everything. He told them about the night that started this whole ordeal, how he suddenly transferred to the normal plane right in the middle of your living room. He told them about the weird effect it had on him and that’s why he had to bless you. He told them how even after the beatings from the higher ups wasn’t enough to sway him and he had been meeting you in your dreams. He even told them about the kiss you shared the last time you saw each other. 

Jimin would always picture their faces before he would go into your dreams, how they would react if they knew what he was doing. 

Nothing could have prepared him for the reality.

It was silent for a while after he finished, but their faces said more than any words ever could. 

They’re disappointed in you. 

They should be. 

The silence was broken by Namjoon slamming his hand on the table, noticeably startling everyone.

“Jimin, what the fuck did we talk about?!” He was furious, that same disappointed tone Jimin knew he was waiting for him. 

Maybe this is exactly what he needed, the people he cared about the most to look at him as crazy as he felt at times. 

This is what he needed but it still hurt so much knowing his worst fear was becoming a reality. 

“Jimin I know what we talked about last time, I only let it slide because I thought this wouldn’t interfere with your job, that this was a problem you could deal with!” Namjoon exclaimed, baffled he was hearing this from him. This wasn’t the same Jimin who he’s known for eons.

Namjoon looked around at everyone in the room, before running his hands through his hair. 

“Jimin, I’m trying to figure out why you didn’t report this to anyone beforehand.” Namjoon tried to calm down. 

What was his excuse, did he have one?

Jimin continued to stare down into his lap, unable to meet the eyes of anyone in his team. 

“At first I was scared they would separate me from her and I thought I had things under control enough to make it to her zero…” Everyone in the room just sighed, the excuse not enough to beat all the protocols that have been seared into their minds. There was a system, an order, and to forgo everything that they learned just for some human…?

“It was only recently when things got out of control. When she looked at me…” Jimin couldn’t help but smile when he remembered opening his eyes up to see you worriedly staring down at him. Despite how awful he felt, you, having you there was worth any pain he felt. 

“That moment right there, everything changed. I never wanted to go back, I didn’t want to be invisible to her anymore. I want her to know me, I want to know her–”

“Jimin, you know that’s not possible. You’re an angel! You’re not even meant to be having these feelings. She’ll grow old and die, you won’t! How would that ever work–” 

Jimin suddenly slammed his hand on the table. Everyone’s attention returned to him and they all could see the scary look in his eyes. It was frightening, something they had never seen before in someone that was normally so sweet.

It was horrifying. 

“Please do not talk about her like that.” Jimin said calmly, yet the dark look in his eyes made everyone in the room glance around at each other worriedly. 

This wasn’t good.

“She wasn’t my only reason.” Jimin continued, finally meeting the eyes of his team. 

“Something is clearly wrong with me, I was– am worried. What if they find out they can’t fix me…” 

It was dangerous, a defective angel especially when it comes to them interacting in the normal plane is something no one in any division wants. 

It is a procedure to deal with the issue as quickly as possible– if it’s determined you can’t be fixed, you’re “fired,” which everyone knows is just another term for forced retirement. To make matters worse, a team’s fate is largely determined by the well-being of every member. 

The process of picking team members is very delicate, if that balance is off put by the removal of one member the success of a team is reduced by an astronomical amount. Unfortunately in most cases a team that has lost a member due to a battle lost or being “fired” the whole team meets their demise soon after.

“I can’t let whatever is wrong with me put you guys in danger.” Jimin was being earnest. He couldn’t stand knowing that it was because of him his whole team ended up meeting horrible fates.

Jimin would be a little more optimistic about seeing someone about his issues, but he strongly believed at this point they would think his sins are too great and consider him unredeemable. 

There was something inside him telling him there wasn’t some magical way to fix whatever is happening, and if they find out he’s so defective he somehow managed to fall to the normal plane unwillingly, they probably wouldn’t even give him a discharge ceremony to hurriedly make sure he didn’t cause anymore issues. 

“I understand Jimin, but what about those we swore to protect. If there is something wrong with you and something ends up happening….” Joon tried to reason. 

“All I ask is for your understanding until I take Y/n to get judged. I promise, the minute after I will see if there might be a problem.” Jimin was begging at this point. As much as he worried about his brothers’ fate, the thought of being reassigned and not getting the chance to ensure you were ok was too awful.

“And what if something happens in between then?! It might be different if you had your date but that could be decades.” Joon was getting angry again. 

As the argument continued Yoongi noticed the blackened out letters on Jimin’s wrist. 

“What if you end up becoming corrupted?” Yoongi suddenly said, interrupting the heated debate.

Jimin suddenly looked scared. 

Yoongi pointed to his wrist. 

Fueled by anger, Namjoon walked around the table and hastily pulled up Jimin’s sleeve. Everyone around the table gasped seeing the letters blackened out. 

“Take off your shirt.” Joon took a step back. 

Jimin didn’t even argue as he pulled the shirt over his head. 

If all the bruises that painted his skin weren’t alarming, the words that were normally barely visible looked more like tattoos than what they truly were meant to be, reminders. They were meant to be reminders to keep him in line, to ensure that he didn’t stray far off the path, something since he had awakened had presented as a problem.

Jimin had been told by Celine and Atara that he was more susceptible to becoming corrupted for some strange reason. Despite their warnings, Jimin had remained one of the most untainted P2 angels of the sector, that was, well till he started watching over you. 

“Jimin, you need to understand, we’re just worried about you. This does not look good at all.” Yoongi sighed, seeing that all the words he had on his chest were just as black as the one on his wrist.

“Please… just until I can take her to get judged.” Jimin looked around at everyone and he was faced with their concerned stares.

Joon took a seat at the head of the table, thinking and running through what would be the best way to proceed with this. 

“Yoongi do you have any idea what could be causing the symptoms Jimin described.” Joon sighed, leaning back in his chair, one that stood apart from the others. It was bigger, grander, and posed more authority.

Yoongi was one of the few P2 angels who took the time to become a trained medic. Celine and Atara had noticed he might possess the rare skill, usually only reserved for P1 angels. Yoongi had stayed behind one of their few breaks and learned and mastered the skills needed to care for his team. 

If anyone might have any idea what this could be, it would be him. 

“Forcefully dropping to the normal plane? Feelings for humans? None of these are symptoms of anything I can identify. Maybe a P1 angel might have a better idea, but without the proper resources I can’t help you.” Yoongi said, analyzing how upset Jimin seemed.

Namjoon sighed again. 

Procedure, what he should do is stick to the procedure and get his friend the help he clearly needed, but, but Jimin was right. There was no telling what might be causing these mysterious symptoms, what if he ends up putting his whole team at risk.

Namjoon’s job as the leader was to look after the wellbeing of each and every one of his team members. Knowing that all the help Jimin might receive could be forced retirement as well as the entire team’s downfall made him doubt his immediate reaction. 

“Does anyone have any opinion about what we should do?” Joon asked, opening up the floor to anyone. 

The room was silent for a while. 

“I trust what you think is best. There’s risks no matter what we choose to do.” Jungkook mentioned and everyone just nodded. There really wasn’t a right answer here. 

Namjoon sat back in his chair and stared up at the white ceiling, trying his best to organize his thoughts. 

“Jimin, I won't report this.” Namjoon could hardly believe his own words. Maybe there was something wrong with him as well. 

“I’m hoping, I’m hoping whatever might be causing this is something that might go away after you take Y/n to get judged. The minute, and I’m serious Jimin, the minute anything out of line begins happening– I’m sure everyone at this table will understand that it would be better to get you the help you need.” Joon laid out. 

As much as he knew, he knew that he should just follow the protocols— the minute one of his team members or himself start acting strange he was immediately meant to take them to get evaluated. It was as simple as that, yet he couldn’t bring himself to possibly risk his teammate in order to figure out what the issue might be. 

Jimin visibly looked relieved. 

“Thank you so much.” Jimin looked Namjoon right in the eye, knowing he was going out of his way for him. 

“No– Jimin on the condition of letting this go unreported, you’re ordered not to continue seeing Y/n in her dreams unless it’s an order from the higher ups. This is the only time I’m letting this go and to me it seems she’s the reason for your fall from grace. If you want to continue to be her guardian then these are the terms you must agree to.” Namjoon spoke seriously. 

“Wait what–”

“It’s either that or we’re going to MP1s immediately.” Namjoon laid out. It was more than a compromise Jimin deeserved at this point, but Namjoon was too nice sometimes.

Everyone around the table nodded in agreement, seeing that also as more than fair. 

Jimin wanted to protest but all he did was slump in his chair, mumbling a quiet ok. 

Namjoon nodded, still clearly stressed, but relieved they seemed to be on the same page. But they weren’t, Jimin was experiencing more emotions he had never felt before. 

Rage, he was seething to himself as the leader tried to direct the meeting into going over the plan for their upcoming assignment. 

Jimin could hardly pay attention, he was so furious. 

Anger was a very human emotion, one that always seemed so foreign to Jimin and really any angel. Anything that seemed like anger was normally an extremely dulled down version of what humans experience (much like any resemblance of emotions they feel). 

It would take an astronomical event to make a being of his nature as upset as humans would get at the tiniest of issues and yet the thought of his leader banning him from seeing you was all it took for suddenly this new fiery shade of the emotion to manifest. 

A word right on his chest burned with an intensity that Jimin struggled to keep it together during the meeting. 

Fury. 

It was horrible, the leader he respected so much being the target of such a nasty emotion. Jimin could hardly believe the images his mind conjured up in retaliation. 

His handle was in his pocket, how easily he could have charged at the leader, quickly turning the dials on his handle to form a knife to demand the leader to take it back. Even worse, he imagined using it as well, hoping to make the leader pay for even suggesting never seeing you again. 

Rage or any type of anger should never be experienced by someone who, in the name of such emotion, could destroy worlds or even the universe entirely. 

The fact this emotion even managed to manifest in his mind made Jimin seriously consider following through with Namjoon’s order. Maybe he was right, everything in his life did get worse the minute he started getting close to you. 

He should heed his leader’s warning. 

Somehow he managed to make it through the meeting, but he needed to make a promise with himself in order to study the details once again. He hardly was able to pay attention. 

Instead of going back through the way inside their home base of operations, they decided to walk through H.E.A.V.E.N. hoping the walk to the gateway would be enough to settle the tension that still lingered after the discussion earlier. 

On the way, Yoongi said he needed to stop by the MedBay, so the rest of the boys waited in the common area for him to come back. 

“Do you guys remember when we looked like that?” Namjoon asked as he looked over to the team of five practicing drills. It was a redundant question considering they all can remember everything that took place in their lives since the moment they awakened, but Namjoon’s question did make everyone in the group smile seeing the boys in front of them. 

They all knew them, deemed TXT on the leaderboards, the team of five were a group who awakened some time after their group did. They were a group who were often compared to their own in the means of potential. They were still relatively young, but despite that their stats were remarkable compared to those who awakened around a similar timeframe. 

Despite this new emotion still bouncing around in his head, the sight even made Jimin smile as he recounted his group doing the same when they were still up and coming. 

The more he looked though, the more he noticed something strange. 

As the group went through their drills, he noticed they were following the standard order of procedures exactly as Celine and Atara had instructed when they were still being trained. 

They seemed almost robotic as they wrapped up their drills. The other members trailed behind their leader, in a perfect straight line like they had been advised. It was strange seeing the methodical way that they put away their equipment, they followed every procedure they were advised. 

The members all saluted to their leader, perfect posture, heel toe, heel toe— they were perfect as they walked away from the training area. 

Those unfamiliar with their sector might just figure for the young team to be possibly trying to show off for their higher ups, but one glance around their sector and everyone acted that way. 

Everyone that walked past them followed their leader, mirroring their actions perfectly, anyone flying above them flew just like the leader guiding them through the halls.

Back when they were still training Celine and Atara always told them after Namjoon was assigned the role of guiding their team that the leader was the soul of their team. 

Their team used to be just like everyone else. A few eons ago Jimin would have never been able to escape Namjoon sending him to the MP1s, a few eons ago he never would have asked in the first place. 

So much has changed, it became more obvious the more he looked at how perfect everyone around him seemed. 

Soulless, just drones carrying out orders, that’s what they were meant to be. 

It was only recently that his team stopped following those procedures, they just seemed unnecessary. It was only recently that Namjoon stopped ordering the authority team leaders usually possess. 

It was strange. Jimin could remember everything yet the moment his team disregarded the procedures wasn’t coming to him. It almost seemed like they were always like this, people who would easily joke and saw each other as equal parts of the team. 

All faces that passed by remained expressionless, no smile, as they focused on making sure to follow their leader. 

Even those that talked as they went by had nothing else to discuss other than their duties. What else was there to talk about really? 

It seemed like just yesterday Jimin was probably the most pretentious angel around despite him not being a leader or a P2 angel, it was that fall from grace that made this whole situation seem so strange. 

Has their team really changed that much? Has he really changed that much? 

As much as he couldn’t remember being like this anymore, he knew his team followed these exact procedures up until recently but he couldn’t take off the rose colored glasses that told him otherwise. 

Nothing was wrong, they were fine, everyone was fine. 

Jimin looked over to his teammates and smiled. 

Completely, 100 percent fine. 

The procedures weren’t required anyway, they were just standard proceedings.

Yoongi came back soon after and they started flying over to the Drop room. 

On the way he paid attention to everyone going by, none of them weren’t following the proceedings. Were they really that strange? 

The concern started to become a little overwhelming, luckily they finally made it before it got too bad. 

The room was like all the others, immensely white with gold detailing along the walls and vines streaming everywhere. What made it the Drop room was because it had a giant hole in the floor with thousands of angels going in every second. 

“I trust you’ll listen to orders.” Namjoon said to Jimin as the group stared down at the warped view of Earth down below. 

Jimin wanted to tell him to fuck off— a thought he would have never pictured being being directed toward his leader— but instead Jimin simply nodded, hoping that would be enough to stop himself from spilling out an unruly amount of profanities… or doing something worse. 

“HB meeting at U##7:33– we’ll go over the details of the assignment once more and depart at U##23:33.” Everyone nodded at the leader's words. This is standard proceedings. 

And with that, they flew down through the portal after a very awkward goodbye. 

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

After Jimin arrived back by your side, this strange new emotion was not simmering in the way he hoped it would the minute he could get some space. If anything, seeing you cutely munching on that magic cake you finally managed to get right was just more fuel to the growing fire. 

The minute he detected strange activity in the plane and he was faced with a gross giant sin in front of him. He decided that this would be the way he was going to express himself. 

Purging sin would be a perfect form of catharsis. 

Jimin couldn’t stop the sinister grin on his face as the tall, lanky, abomination with arms that dragged behind began charging at him. 

The creature was mountains in height above him in this form, but Jimin loved the challenge. 

It was just more to play with. 

Jimin reached in his pocket and grabbed the handle, quickly turning the dials to have his angelic energy manipulated to form a sword. A classic choice, but he wanted to feel every slash he makes. A sword was perfect.

As Jimin quickly flew in to attack the creature Jimin couldn’t stop his mind from picturing the leader earlier and his orders to never meet you again. 

He hated to admit that he knew Namjoon was just looking out for him and the team, but didn’t he hear the story Jimin told him? How he explained the moment you looked into his eyes, how much that changed him. The plethora of emotions, wishes, and desires he’s never experienced before all because you actually came into his life.

And he was only meeting you in your dreams? Was that really so wrong? 

As much as Jimin wanted to believe what he was saying, what really was the true ignition of this flame was the fact Namjoon was right, painfully so.

Jimin’s changed so much in the short time since he fell into the middle of your living room. The scorched letters on his skin was enough proof of that. 

He wanted to be right though, he wanted to continue meeting you with no consequences. 

But that voice of his leader advising him on the right path just made him see red and it was all he thought above as he slashed the creature's legs, bringing it down with a horrifying shriek.

Jimin was easily able to immobilize the creature, and much like a tree in the forest, Jimin watched as its top half came crashing down from colossal heights onto the floor of the infinite white void. 

Jimin made quick work of going for its arms, dodging any attempts at knocking him to the ground. Its ginormous hands were first, but that was not enough for him, he speedily flew around the creatures, slashing and cutting until its lengthy arms were reduced to just numbs. 

Eventually Jimin flew so he was standing on the tiny torso of the creature. By now, black ooze had painted the white void and continued to pour out of its small appendages flailing around. Jimin was covered in it as well.

Some might be horrified at the sight, but each cut was exactly the remedy he needed in order to quell his anger toward his leader. 

Namjoon and the rest of the team were the closest people he had in his life and ever will, it was probably the closest he will ever get to experiencing love. 

It was nice knowing they cared and they were being more than generous in not taking him to the MP1s, he should be grateful. 

Jimin flew up high before quickly soaring back down and piecing his blade through its horrid flesh. Jimin attacked it from the inside, not at all caring about the ooze and marveled at the horrible way it screamed for him and how his blade incinerated everything around him. 

It was glorious. 

When Jimin was done, the creature was hardly alive, only deepened sighs and ragged breaths filled the void. He easily could have finished him off that way, but he was feeling a little extra today. 

Jimin got right in front of the creature's face and stared down at it with malice and disgust. 

Pathetic. 

Pathetic.

Its head was way too tiny for its long body, it was always so strange to see that this was the manifestation of temptation. 

Not in the mood to drag this out any longer, Jimin used his blade and with one swift, clean, cut across its neck the horrible noises finally stopped. 

A clean beheading. 

Jimin hurriedly stabbed his blade through the tiny head and that was enough for the creature– or rather, what remained of the creature– to disintegrate into ash, the purest form of what a creature like that could become. 

He knew he was right in this helping him. He felt better already seeing the black covered ooze painting the void, knowing this nasty emotion was able to aid him in purging this evil from ever touching you. 

Jimin smiled. 

Pathetic.

I know. 

That was not enough to stop you?

I’m sorry.

You’re not. 

But–

Nothing good will come from this.

I love her.

You don’t know what love is. 

…

I want her. 

Want is not enough. 

…

You disappoint me continuously. 

Jimin shook the voice out of his head, choosing to ignore his other half. He had to stay a little longer and make sure not other creatures would show up. He wanted to hurry and get back to you.

He wanted to be selfish.

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

You were a little shocked later that night after crashing from eating all that cake earlier, to find yourself back in the beautiful meadow that you’ve found yourself in countless amounts of time this month. 

Immediately after realizing you were finally having that dream again you quickly looked around to see if you could find him. 

Jimin, where was he? 

Like he’s proven too many times, it seems as if he heard your thoughts and suddenly you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around and you couldn’t stop yourself from immediately jumping into his arms. 

He caught you, he always does. 

You couldn’t stop yourself from bursting into tears the minute his hand came up to lightly stroke your hair, soothing you instantly at how hard it’s been not seeing him. 

It was so dumb, you had spent the last few days sulking over a man in your dreams suddenly disappearing after a particularly strange last meeting. 

He had been the reason for your sudden decision on baking that cake, hoping your sister’s recipe would be enough to soothe the ache your heart felt over an imaginary man. It was stupid, incredibly dumb, but having him here now made you realize how real your feelings for him were. 

This was horrible.

“Jimin…” You sobbed into his light blue sweater, your grip a little too tight, worried you might lose him again at any moment.   

“Did you really miss me that much?” He chuckled, but you noticed his strong grip on your waist.

You finally pulled away and looked up at your angel, and an angel indeed he was. He looked absolutely heavenly, his hair now a shade of blue matching his sweater, and his eyes now a dark blue akin to the waves of the ocean.

For some reason you could tell he seemed different. 

“Where did you go?!” You exclaimed. 

You had spent the last few days worrying that after the events of your last meeting was enough to drive him away entirely.

You worried if you might have been too bold, might have pushed him too much despite his concerns he voiced to you. 

You couldn’t be happier to see him standing in front of him once again. 

“I had a lot on my mind, but I’m here and I won’t leave you again.” The words made him smile but also guilt plagued his mind and body, the word on his thigh burning but he never faltered. 

You looked him over and that’s when you noticed he was wearing gray sweatpants and lacked his luxury brand shoes now. 

“Did you have a midlife crisis while you were gone?” You questioned and the accusation made Jimin think back to your first date (attempt). 

Jimin sighed. 

You can’t do this.

Shut up.

Jimin laughed lightly at your joke. “To be honest, I think this time I did.” 

You were just joking, but the admission made you switch to actually being concerned. “Was it because of our last date?” You asked, worried you might have actually messed with your angel.

“A little.” He was honest. “But I just needed to figure out some things personally. Our date made me realize we were at a crossroad.” 

“Crossroad?” 

“I had been trying my best to avoid it over our time seeing each other, I know you noticed it as well, but seeing you think I don’t care about you couldn’t be the furthest from the truth and I had to do something.” 

Your face warmed as you thought about it, his lips on yours and you noticed the way he smiled, getting a little shy at how vivid the picture was. 

“Yes, that exactly…” 

“Why did you want to avoid this?” You asked finally, curious where this was going. 

“I already told you, I’m not really built for this type of situation. To be honest ever since we met I’ve been a little confused on how to handle all these new emotions you’ve allowed me to experience. I tried to dance around facing them until I could decide where I wanted this relationship to go.” 

“Which is?” You couldn’t help trying to pry the information out of him. What did he decide?

“Either we never see each other again… or…” His gaze finally focused on your eyes and you thought you would end up feeling lost in those blue eyes.

Jimin wanted to tell you, tell you everything that has gone into making this decision. He’s going against everyone, all his higher ups, his team, H.E.A.V.E.N. itself just to see you and be with you, but as you looked up at him, for the first time in his life things just stood still. You were here in front of him and that’s truly all that matters. 

His fate was sealed, the decision was made. 

Instead of going on and on like he had prepared tonight about everything that has gone into making this decision, instead he just pulled you close and kissed you like he had been wanting to since you parted ways.

Your lips were so soft and he enjoyed feeling the peculiar way your heart sped up the minute you realized what he was doing. Everything about you was so sweet and soft and made the most complicated emotions do a dance inside him.

He loved this. 

Disgusting.

He loved it even more. 

Jimin never wanted to pull away, but eventually you did and his heart fluttered seeing how flustered you were.

“Well, what does that mean Jimin?” You asked breathlessly. 

“It means…” He leaned in close. “You’re mine.” 

Despite his attempt at trying to make you flustered, his words suddenly had images popping up in your mind about Jimin fucking you against the tree you both always sat under. 

The word on his wrist burned, the ache doing its best to remind him of his place. 

She wants you to touch her. What are you going to do about that?

It was like his other half was mocking him at the predicament. As much as he’s sacrificed continuing to be with you, that was still a boundary he would never be willing to cross. 

Is she going to like that?

At this moment he wanted to smash his head in with a rock. He didn’t want to think about that right now and he didn’t want to tell you either, at least not yet. What if you don’t want this anymore? 

You cleared your throat, trying to stop your wandering mind. It was enough to bring Jimin back from his own troubling thoughts. 

“Oh yeah, this wasn’t the only reason I met with you.” Jimin finally said. 

“Really?”

Jimin nodded.

“I wanted to tell you I will be leaving for a few days.” Jimin felt the way your heart sank at his words and he couldn’t help but laugh. You were so cute.

“You just said you won’t leave me alone anymore…” You pouted and Jimin hastily pulled you in a hug because how could one person be so cute.

“I have work to do…” He sighed, hating to separate so soon after such a big turning point for your relationship. 

“Is my angel looking over others?” You asked curiously and you didn’t notice the way Jimin got red at the nickname. 

It was what he was, it was like someone feeling all mushy over being called human. It was just in the way you said it, always with a possessive ‘my’ because he truly was yours.

“Nope, I’m yours and yours only. I have bad guys to take down.” He decided to tell you the truth, hoping that might interest you and immediately he could tell it did. 

“Really?” You asked shocked like everyone did when they found out. 

Jimin nodded.

“You’re gonna be ok, right?” That was a new one, usually most would rave in disbelief that such a soft soul could hurt anyone. 

Maybe if most knew Jimin didn’t really have one anymore, or if they saw the way he could mutilate creatures like the one he did just before seeing you they wouldn’t be so surprised.

“I will.” He smiled at you.

“Promise…” Your voice was soft and he could tell you were a little embarrassed at your own words. 

No one has ever worried for him. This was really new. 

“I promise I’ll see you again on Sunday~” And his nonexistent heart couldn’t feel fuller. 

“Sunday?” You giggled, finding the day all too fitting. 

“I know it seems cliche, but I promise it’s just a coincidence.” He laughed along with you.

“Well then… If you really need to leave for a few days, can I have something to remember you bye?” You asked, but he didn’t even need to be able to read your thoughts in order to know what you were implying. 

“Maybe that can be arranged…” He smiled before pulling you close once more.

He was really going to miss you.    

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#bts #jimin #angst #bts fanfic #jimin x reader #bts fanfction #jimin angst #angel au #bts angst #bts smut #bts x reader #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts jimin #bts au #bts fluff #bts reactions #jimin fanfic #jimin smut #jimin fluff #fluff #bangtanbathhouse

[scattered-winter]

this got really long but I’ve been thinking about the superhero genre and how the themes that usually go with that are inverted and reflected in bnha and how fuckin fascinating that is?!?!? like!

technically it still falls within the parameters of the genre in that it has superheroes who fight villains, but it’s twisting and flipping things on its head and making it so different than most of the other superhero media. the biggest thing is that superheroes are so integrated into society that they’re a part of the government. they’re an actual profession that requires certification and licensing and a whole assload of paperwork to be “legal.” but the interesting thing is that traditionally, the superhero genre is defined by vigilantism: forgoing laws in favor of the greater good; the “good guys” in the story break the law and go against authority (like the police) to help people in ways that nobody else can. and in bnha, with the acceptance of heroes in modern society, that aspect of the genre just casts more light on the society as a whole because the superheroes started as vigilantes but as time went on they were slowly accepted by laws and the government. and now, if a well-meaning but unlicensed hero started capturing villains and doing what the original heroes did, the pros would take him down. their ancestors and predecessors were vigilantes, but now they’re the farthest thing from it. maybe they mean well and are genuinely trying to do their jobs right and protect people, but the fact remains that if the heroes from both time periods were brought face to face, they’d likely be on opposite sides.

and hero killer: stain adds an ENTIRE new strain of thinking into the mix! he’s a mass murderer who specifically targets pro heroes, but there’s more to that. he isn’t targeting and slaughtering them at random, he’s specifically sifting through their ranks and weeding out the ones he believes to be unworthy. this is so interesting to me because stain holds everyone to a high standard of heroism. he believes heroes shouldn’t be paid for their work, or made to be celebrities. he thinks they should be more like the original superheroes were: vigilantes who do what they do to protect people, not for a paycheck. and I find myself agreeing with him!

positions of power have always attracted the people who most want to abuse that power, and I can’t see any reason why this would be different. in fact, the allure of being able to use their powers almost indiscriminately and not be questioned would probably, in my mind, make the hero profession even worse. maybe the pro hero origins started out in the right place, but now I feel like it has the potential to become a bigger and even more dangerous police force. the fact that the “force” of heroes are broken up into individual agencies probably helps keep corruption from the whole, but I’m positive there would be entire agencies that are corrupted.

and the ranking system!!!!! I understand why it’s a thing because internet society is just Like That, but I can’t deny that the ranking system also has a lot of potential to create the “fake heroes” stain hates so much. endeavor is actually a perfect example of this! he’s trying so hard to be the highest ranking hero that he goes to extremes to ensure that. and when it becomes clear that he’ll never surpass all might, he starts setting plans into place to have his kids surpass him. it isn’t even about being #1 for him anymore, it’s about having someone surpass all might, and having that someone be directly connected to him so he still gets some of the glory. I highly, highly doubt endeavor is the only one, because that society puts so much importance on the ranking system and how other heroes measure up to each other.

all that said, hero killer: stain is also interesting because at his core he’s what the superhero genre is usually about: he’s a vigilante. obviously I don’t condone what he does, because we know he’s killed/incapacitated many heroes who, despite what he thought of them, were actually very good at their jobs and were in the profession because they genuinely wanted to be there. and also ya know mass murder isn’t great. but despite all that I think stain’s character is so fascinating because the arguments he raises are all valid ones. in that society, what’s to stop all might from beating down on the very people he’s supposed to protect? what’s to stop endeavor from unleashing his flames on a peaceful protest? we know there are laws in place to prevent that, and we also know that all might would never do something like that, and even endeavor probably wouldn’t, but what if they got an order from the government? hero agencies answer to the government of their country so what if they were ordered to do things like that? some heroes would refuse, I think, but not all of them. and even if they weren’t ordered by the government, there’s still nothing to stop them from brutality! all might is so astronomically powerful, it’d take an entire agency of pro heroes to take him down in his prime. maybe even more. if that guy decided to throw his weight around and abuse his power, who’d be able to stop him??

I just *clenches fist* the superhero genre is already so fascinating and bnha just makes it even deeper

#disclaimer i dont read the manga and im SLOWLY catching up on the show (that i havent seen in YEARS) #but i'm still in season 2 and i vaguely remember stuff from later seasons but not in great detail #so some of these analyses might be out of date. but i dont care <3 #winter speaks #i'm so normal about this <- lying #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #also hero killer stain is very very similar to red hood (dc) but y'all aren't ready for that convo yet

[toshkakoshka]

im rambling but hey i felt sentimental a little haha

to all the black people out there,

thank you so much.

when i was a child i used to cut my hair all the time because i absolutely hated the way it looked, the way it didn’t look like every other girl’s and i thought all i was was just abnormal. i hated my big nose and my appearance, i wanted to change my skin color because i was “too dark” and i hated everything that had to do with my appearance up until i first saw black people.

there aren’t many black people that i know of in the philippines. of course when i got older i started meeting very different groups of people on the internet and some of them were black, but when i was a child that diversity was never accessible to me. filipinos were whitewashed and colonized by media, they all wanted standard east asian faces or eurocentric features like sharp eyes, straight sleek black hair and pale, pale skin. i wanted it too. instead i had big eyes, a big nose and a big puff of curly hair. i hated it. hated everything that i was. i can still feel the effects of colonial mentality wash onto me everyday, but i’m learning to fight that.

but as a kid i was surrounded by black-centric media when it used to run frequently on the kids’ shows. I never really knew the term “black” back then so it was always “africans” to me— but that’s really how i started to see black people as a kid. the culture black american media showed was as fascinating as they were beautiful. they were people with darker skin, bigger noses, curlier hair. they spoke different from white americans and it interested me even further. and i looked closer and realized some of them looked like me.

they looked like me.

now, i am not black. i don’t know if i’m of descent or partially aeta (southeast asia’s version of “Black”) but the sentiment still stays the same. my looks are still the same. as much as i’m 18 now i still feel like the child i was back then, mesmerized and star struck by the beauty of the american black community and how much it meant to me that they were represented to me as normal. i wasn’t “one of a kind” i wasn’t “weird” i was just… normal.

And it makes me upset to see that the representation has been lacking for black americans all the time nowadays. there are also children like me who will never get to see themselves as characters to be like, children who will never know what being seen is like, and have come to latch onto identities and cultures that don’t belong to them because they wanted to be seen as normal. It’s… part of the reason why I always wanted to invest my time in writing diverse characters. I want people to be able to find themselves the way I was able to find myself in. I want to be able to see the experiences of those I read about, their realities, be something that can be seen.

so i just felt like it was time for me to thank black people again for being the representation i never got to have anywhere else as a kid. you are all so important to me, and i want to thank you for a lot of it. thank you so much. thank you for making me feel normal. thank you for making me feel seen.

signed,

a sentimental filipino

#letra #black representation

[builder051]

Odd question here, how much does a J-tube hurt to be placed? My doctor is currently fighting with insurance for me to get one. Most of the internet has been thoroughly unhelpful in calling it a "minor procedure" or talking about all the long term comorbidities, but no one's actually said how much it hurts, which is what I'm most nervous about. If you don't want to answer, that's fine, I just don't know of anyone else with a J and not a GJ. So, yeah, thank you! Hope you have a good day!

There are two distinct "stages" of the procedure-- the placement (which is a surgery), and the first change (which is an office visit). From your description, I'm not exactly sure which you're talking about.

If you've never had an abdominal surgery before and you're going to have a J placed, your surgeon is going to have to create a stoma, a hole or a canal to allow the tube itself to have access from where your formula is--in the feeding bag, outside your body--to where it needs to be--in the jejunum, inside your body. (Think of it like a gauge earring-- it makes a bigger hole in the skin that used to be all closed up, and you can pass things, like jewelry, Q-tips, etc. through the hole).

Getting a stoma placed is called a minor procedure because it's a day surgery, or an outpatient procedure, meaning you go to the hospital in the morning, you get nice sleepy anesthesia meds, the surgeon goes to work, you get bandaged up and sent to PACU, and then you wake up and go home all in the span of 5 to 10 hours, if everything goes as expected.

Under anesthesia, you'll get pain meds (think oxy or morphine or similar). They probably won't send you home with pain meds, but I believe you're allowed to take regular OTC stuff, as long as there are no allergies or internal bleeding issues (check with the doc, though). You're going to want to stay in bed or in a laying down position for at least one day after getting the stoma placed. It will hurt, but it won't be #10 the worst pain you've had in your life. If you're able to keep going with the visualization, you just got your ear pierced, but through a couple layers of abdominal wall and your intestine. Or, if you've seen those boba straws that are like 0.5" diameter and have one pointy end and one flat end for the best drinking of the bobas along with your tea-- imagine you've been hit in the gut with one of those. So, yeah, it'll hurt, but as long as you stay still and in bed or in a recliner or something, it'll be fine. Stomas are like regular wounds, and the inner and outer parts of the flesh where it's been cut will immediately start the self-healing process and scab over and basically turn into weird-looking scars within, say, a week? 10 days?

The only red flag to watch for is infection--stomach/abdomen/intestines are NOT clean; they're junky, just, like, by definition. Changing the gauze around the fresh stoma regularly can help, but sometimes infections just happen. If the wound gets white and oozy like a popped pimple, if the skin around it swells and turns red, or if you run a fever, call your doctor or run to urgent care for an antibiotic, then go to Walgreens and get this thing called Domboro (It comes in a white and dark blue box, and it contains these giant tea bags of epsom salt and baking soda and fairy dust...). Follow the directions on the box, but in a nutshell, just make water as hot as you can stand and throw the wet tea bag and a bunch of towels over the stoma, and the swelling will go down instantaneously.

Now, moving on to first change, which typically happens around 6 weeks to 2 months after your stoma is placed. Your gastroparesis doctor, or surgeon, or your colorectal person, depending on who's doing what on your end, has to change the J tube the first time. After that, you can do it yourself, or your mom, your spouse, sibling, home care nurse... you get the drift. The J is held in place in your intestine with a little balloon full of water, and the key/keyhole looking piece stays on the outside of your abdomen (Forgive me if I'm talking dumb; it's just easier to explain it in these terms than going all medical). The doctor uses a syringe to pull all the water out of the balloon, which makes it flat and skinny, and they'll just yank it out of the stoma.

The stoma should be all healed by now, so it won't hurt like re-opening a wound or getting a cut or getting stabbed, or anything like that. HOWEVER, it is surprising/shocking (like a jack-in-the-box), because even when the doc says they're pulling right now, there's a delayed response as it takes a couple seconds for the tube to actually exit your body. It will kind of feel like being punched in the gut (or if you're trying to do one of those partner-balance things on your friend's foot and then they drop you? Or, if you've ever had an navel piercing and the head or backing has gotten stuck on something like a lace camisole?). The doctor then does the same thing in reverse with a fresh tube (and a ton of surgical lube, so the insertion is waaay smoother than the removal), fresh water in the balloon, and once you don't have globs of silicone everywhere, you're good to go.

That's basically it...

If you have any more Qs, don't be afraid to ask, on here or DM. :)

#starbucks sunday #feeding tube #j tube

[heartxdecay]

WHY do bad things always have to happen to me so close together like I did not NEED the combo of an acquaintance I was attempting to befriend blowing up at me and threatening to kill themselves over them deciding I said something I didn't (fuck being autistic why does everyone assume I'm inferring things when I'm actually NOT) and then my stalker who I haven't seen in about a year suddenly decides to show up at my place of work and ask MY BOYFRIEND if I was there (he lied and said I wasn't but I still caught a glimpse of him so he might have seen me) which lead to me finding out he never actually moved like he said he was going to which means realistically he could go right back to stalking and harassing me any time he wants. In the span of like 3 days. And of course right now we're like 3 weeks away from the big traumaversary time from when I left the cult + this is the midst of when I was reporting aforementioned stalker last year so I'm already constantly on high alert anyway. So now I'm constantly struggling just to stay awake let alone work and I already had to drop out of school and lie to my parents about it because the condition of me living here is remaining in school which means since I'm not they're going to kick me out if they know. So I can't NOT go to school AND not work especially because I'm trying to save as much money as possible in order to move out of this stupid hellhole of a "family" home where I'm constantly used as a third parent for my younger siblings. But I'm so tired all the time from stress keeping me awake at all hours and being completely unable to leave fight or flight mode when awake that I can barely find the energy to move, and my work is extremely tiring. I work retail as a supervisor and I have to deal with my coworkers not doing as much of the workload despite all being full time while I'm part time, none of the people I'm in charge of taking me seriously because I'm either younger than them or the same age as them, regular stress that comes with working retail and dealing with customers, and a management change that is leading to us getting a notoriously rude + perfectionist manager who I have personally seen throw an actual tantrum over having to do his JOB. Which means I can't afford to be tired and grumpy because I have to remain professional and productive. But every time something slightly off happens I want to burst into tears. Nobody there respects me and it's hard enough to handle when I'm NOT dealing with all of this. And of course because God hates me all of this happened when I decided to try to cut back on constantly vaping so after incident #2 I immediately gave up on that and I honestly think I've been going through cartridges FASTER. It's genuinely such a struggle every day to not relapse on self harm or turn to alcoholism and I'm not sure how much longer I can last. Especially because my literal only IRL support system is my boyfriend, because my parents are worth jack shit, my siblings are children, and my only "friend" in person is an objectively terrible human that I only still have around because they were my FP for a really long time and I have a hard time letting go of that relationship (every time I try I end up running back) and I just KNOW that if I even TRY to breach any of this with them they're either going to hit me with an "oof/yikes" and nothing else or spread my PERSONAL shit to everyone they know INCLUDING my extremely abusive ex that they refuse to totally cut contact with because it's "mean". which means I actually have nobody to turn to except the internet friends in my phone who for one aren't online all the time and have lives but two since they're my ONLY SUPPORT SYSTEM I cannot keep dumping everything on them constantly or I'll overwhelm them. Not to mention they have also had to deal with the acquaintance I mentioned at the start because they're actually THEIR friend, not mine, so if anything it's an even bigger deal to them. This leaves me with only my boyfriend who I already feel shitty enough about given the raging BPD.

#i cant keep turning to him he's dealing with enough from my constant reassurance and fear he's going to suddenly thrn into a horrible person #like my other relationships and past fp did #he's so wonderful and supportive and i already put him through enough #i cant keep doing this i actually cannot live like this #i have work but here i am on tumblr breaking post lengths complaining about my life at 4am #like this will fuxking help anything at all because nobody will ever see this or if they do they'll ve a STRANGER who cannot help me at all #so im just yelling into the void so at least i can say i talked about it and maybe itll make everythibg feel just a little bit lighter #because im tired of everything weighing on me so heavily all the time i #i didnt even get into the physical problems or the increase in fatigue making me fucking sleep 10-12 hours at any given moment and sleeo #through all my alarms and make me late to work twice in just the ladt WEEK #which means I only have one more tome before my final warning #BUT HERE I AM. AWAKE. because for some reason my stupid fucking brain wont let me sleep #no matter how physically exhausted I am #I'm just fed up and tired and i want all of this to go away #but i cant end it because i actually have people who will miss me and i cant fucking burden them with the fact that their friend/partner #killed themself because i KNOW they'll blame themselves like they're bot the only reason i didnt do it 3 years ago #vent

[beatsboy]

3.5.24

journal / ventpost below

because this city is for no one, a friend said to me recently, as i talked about another friend abandoning la to run away to the desert and feel free.

no one is cut out for a place like this. no one thrives in a place like this. no one feels warmed, enlightened, and full in a place like this. los angeles is the reason why people flee to the desert, the mountains, some shore in a cheaper country in eastern europe, why they’ll spend more than their rent to go learn grounding techniques in eastern asia. here is the stomach, the pit of the beast, here we see what the rest of the country sees on the internet, on their tvs and phones, through a thick layer of plexiglass that prevents you from having to see its deadened face every day. here, we see the machine work, and it often feels like if you want to get anywhere at all, you have to literally catapult your entire body into it and allow it to swallow you whole, after which, it will spit you out, a completely different form than you were before you entered.

it can be isolating, to live in a place like this, so full of life, and yet, so conditionalized. you can not reach out unless you need something or have something to offer. it is a city built upon mutual offerings, so inherently glued to capitalism, it feels impossible to distinguish the two. it has also fostered a resilience in people who can come together, as long as they have a common goal in mind and focus, and overcome anything. today, i have to do my part, and vote.

it can be isolating, to live in a place like this, so full of life, and yet, so conditionalized. you can not reach out unless you need something or have something to offer. it is a city built upon mutual offerings, so inherently glued to capitalism, it feels impossible to distinguish the two. it has also fostered a resilience in people who can come together, as long as they have a common goal in mind and focus, and overcome anything. today, i have to do my part, and vote.

and does that mean that i wish to leave, and start over in a cabin in maine? yes, it does. sometimes. sometimes, i want to make like my friend and run off to my own version of an airbnb in the desert with my lover. i wish i had a lover to take. if i did, perhaps i wouldn’t be so focused on making it work here. maybe love would be enough, not enough to be bigger and better than my aspirations, but just enough to peel my half-dead, under slept hands from the wheel, and convince me the veer course long enough to leave. of course, i would wake up, refueled, and resent that i left the pit of the maze at the moment when i was closest to the center, like zendaya’s character in the oa when she gets removed from the house, on the brink of the death, cursing the man who saved her in the hospital.

so, yes, the maze is killing me. make no mistake at that. and while i know there will never be a time when the kind of life i’ve chosen will not be stressful (i know that no matter how successful i become, there will always be stress, trauma, conflict, etc). i also know, though, that if i work my fucking ass off and put myself out there enough to come across just enough luck to get me through the barrier, it can be sustainable. i know that can be possible. i’ve seen it with my eyes, and i know it will take a lot of patience and frustration, and i have been through worse with less fun things to do on my weekends.

there were years of my life that went by with barely a single thing to look forward to. there were months that went by wondering: am i every going to feel better than this. those were moments when, logically, suicide make sense. that life did not warrant fighting for. back then, though, as a teenager, i had no idea that a life like mine existed. i had no idea a life like mine was possible. that you could do whatever you wanted, change whatever you wanted about yourself, that no moment, behavior, person, job, city, or anything else was never a life sentence. they kept telling me in therapy that no feeling is permanent, this feeling is temporary. and i understood that. i understood that from buddhism and therapy, from all fronts, that everything was temporary. the thing was, the only thing that ever felt temporary were the good parts. the highs. they fled so quickly, and the lows just kept fucking going.

so, when it came down to it, when the options were die or keep going for another sliver of joy in the sunlight before the next wave hits, when there was nothing exciting, nothing worthwhile, just a family that hated me and a codependent relationship, i chose death. every, fucking time. and then, there came a time, when i had made this choice, yet again, and when it hit me, that a bottle full of pills were rushing through my digestive system to kill me, when i realized, no, this time i don’t mean it, actually, i rang the alarm. i put the fire out.

so i remind myself today: you have been rehearsing for this moment your entire life. it may feel like your first day on the job every time you do something new; you must remember that learning, growing, listening, pushing harder than you thought you could before this moment—these are your greatest strengths. the nurse that said your suicide was inevitable on your chart at 16 was right—no human being should have lived through what you’ve lived through—and she was wrong, because you did. you are no average human being. you are not the tumblr posts about your various conditions (mental and physical) because if you followed those rules, the things you want would be impossible. remember that you are an expert at impossible. your favorite thing to do is prove people wrong. your favorite coping skill is to accomplish and deal with the consequences later. you have been the designer of your own rebirth so many times in this short life, it is hard to account for them all. you first saved yourself, drowning in the pool, at age four. you have birthed yourself under the edge of a blade, through fire, and out of the earth. you are your own mother, your own father, your own child. everything you need is within you, everything you want lives out in the world. dig deeper, one more time, and reach out. the world is waiting for you.

#personal #deardiary #trans #suicide cw #suicide mention cw #transgender #transmasc #mental health #ventpost #vent #online journal

[logictoinsanity]

Recently read The Silence by Tim Lebbon and it was great, found out there was a movie and watched it and now I'm subjecting the Internet void to

My Thoughts on The Silence (2019) (6.5/10):

-(TLDR: I enjoyed it, but if I hadn't read the book it'd be much less interesting

TLDR of the move: if youve seen a quiet place, very similar creature, blind and hunts via hearing, reminiscent of like, piranhas combined with bats. parents, young son, deaf daughter and moms mom are trying to survive)

- Casting is all good except for Huw they fucked up (actor did a good job, just don't think he has the right vibe and its not /just/ because he's bald)

- Jude and Ally are great, Otis is a Rottweiler and I can't remember if that's book accurate (definitely not how I pictured him, I pictured a mutt that vaguely resembles a dark grey Irish wolfhound, but not as ridiculously large). but he's so so cute (I hid during The Scene™ so I have no clue how they handled it, but maybe next time I can just think about the dog actor having a really fun time)

- Not a fan of the change of setting, I understand that the problem had to move faster than the book, but they could've still kept the UK and Moldova, I feel like this would be more important to me if I was British tho tbh, im sure theres aspects of the characters in the book that got messed up when they turned american that i didnt notice. Probably cheaper to film in the USA tho.

- Obviously lacks all of the incredible build up and suspense of the entire first quarter of the book, with Ally seeing the cave on TV and slowly watching it become a bigger and bigger thing, which is one of my favorite things about the book

- Note from ~25 minutes in- better than a quiet place because it starts from the beginning, although I've heard the quiet place 2 provides a lot more context, maybe it's a ouija situation

- FUCKING HATE THAT THEY CHANGED 'HE WANTS ALLY FOR HER SIGN LANGUAGE AND SEES HER AS A FUCKED UP SAVIOR' INTO 'THE GIRL IS FERTILE' THATS SO FUCKING STUPID WHY WOULD THEY VALUE FERTILITY AT ALL WHEN BABIES ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO HUSH AS A PRE ESTABLISHED FACT THATS JUST GROSS PERVERSION FOR THE SAKE OF SHOCK VALUE INSTEAD OF WHAT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE FOR THE PLOT

- They also fucked up the order of events with the hushed attacking the house, which fucks up the relevance of the grandmas sacrifice, since they just grabbed Ally again right after

- They also didn't include the smile from grandma to Ally which would've been so so easy to include and imo was a good moment.

- I liked Jude stabbing the guy, can't remember if that was in the book. also didn't like that it was three kidnappers instead of one really big guy who ignored like, a knife wound and being punched repeatedly

- Overall very similar to how I feel about THG movie, although this movie is worse than THG generally, so the concept is amplified. fun to watch because I know the deeper parts, decent basic genre movie, but doesn't have nearly the substance, meaning, or craftsmanship as the book.

- Really wish the beginning had slightly more time to show the doubt the world had when the vesp infestation first started. I think like two or three weeks passed between the Moldova cave incident and the vesps crossing the British channel in the book. There also wasn't time to show all the ways people tried to fight back, the military burning cities while blasting off fireworks, releasing toxic gases, etc. But I think specifically the doubt that was surrounding the vesp infestation in its early stages is a very important part of what makes the book so effective, it shows how people will ignore the things they cant handle, the cognitive dissonance we all have about whats happening in far away countries, it could never happen to us etc

- Really wish Glenn got more screen time and character development, especially in relation to the doubt, but I understand why he didn't. He's the madge of this film (not as bad tho, they did their best with him and the time they had I think)

- Feel pretty much the same about the ending, I get they needed a satisfying conclusion since they knew the odds of a sequel were slim, and the original ending would've been to frustrating for a more general audience.

- Personally though, I would've written it closer to the original, but they make it to the house in Scotland, and there's vague hints about the refuge (and maybe a more solid conclusion on rob somehow) so its like, there's a little open endedness and if they really wanted to do a sequel they could, but its still satisfying and more follows the original storyline. Especially since they totally cut out the plot line of huw and his parents weird relationship and his weird feelings about Scotland.

- Still enjoyed it more than quiet place, though tbf I don't remember that movie very well, I was high as fuck during both movies, and I haven't seen the sequel

- Huws brother and sister, Allys best friend and the lake house woman's machete are all absent, along with the prime Minister announcements (although I guess itd be the president) which I really enjoyed since the governments response is a key component to how a society reacts to catastrophy, which I think is a solid bit of the point of the book

- Basically I want a five hour long extended version that's just a little more book accurate and has slightly better pacing and casting. Just like The Hunger Games, Percy Jackson, and every other book to movie adaptation I've ever seen

#horror #the silence 2019 #horror movies #the silence tim lebbon #movie review #autistic shit

[kawaiicherryblossomperfection]

where did u go? i thought u left me... i went to russia it was tragic and lame and sad and i thought u knew about keeping secrets? didnt u say u were on the way to italy? yes but i went to france ok so are u or are u not my father? bc this is awkward and i want u to know it was never that bad to want to kill me even if u are a kpop idol ok so no i want my secrets kept i do nothing wrong but steal and if u cant comprehend that then u need to stay the fuck away from me no one is aloud in anyway and that is not something to say my name can no longer be spoken aloud and neither can u control my money or where i live i expect to live in a nice house and have wifi and internet friends for my whole life! so fuck off dude theres no way im letting anyone in! why do u tomorrow is another day and she will rise why do u even want into my manga? god gave everyone manga im just capable & pretty so die! and they will live on ew! faggot bitch no?! i dont want to date myself at all but in this manga my insults do mean something no one can call me ugly anymore bc its not true and i am skinny u just forgot how to live for urself what is the point of dying alone? ur greatest fears come alive waait bitch? what the fuck are u even saying? i didnt say anything that was u ok so? 90 years ago i dont give a fuck just say it u want in well its true u cant win anything the intercom is fucking changing rn! when school starts? no when i say so! everyone will meet voldemort so just admit that ud rather do it alone bc that shit is real stupid in a bigger city hahaha dumb ass cunt where the fuck did u go? bitch i went to russia remember did u find out anything? no i didnt ok so no we love it! we do we love it its part of the job ok so no were the first and last manga characters in her comic book about the skatepark deaths *wack a mole* *wack a home* nah shes not feeling good today! but we go above and beyond their is water and everything whaat? yes shes styping my friend ok so? her emotions have finally developed but words will only be a little less meaningless to her than usual alright so no! no insecurities not even her she is not ugly and never ever ever has been! ok so go die and fall in love elsewhere no no no i do love her and no its not herself she doesnt love anyone but the real SUICIDe boys right now! ok so? to say that is to be innacurate she experienced those things without learning how to write manga delete lava & knives no ok so she cant delete me!! thats it literally she is trying and failing and im pretty good at playing robo cop no shes cute af like really pretty u missed out dude nah its a secret! a secret a secret a secret were gonna listen to the real drama what did u say baby? why does it feel the same? interesting question so yes baby it is bc the sexual lust ok lol! im gonna fight somebody i can do this i promise ok so no i dont get it! i do get it she said i dont secrets mummykey romeo eterni secrets no its tomorrow is another day and she will rise i expect money from this so pay up and all that shit was free too

#surfing #delusionals #princeton #bye bye club #bite hurts

[eulchu]

LET'S TALK: DREAM AND THE DREAM STANS

PART 1: DREAM STANS

i'm going to start this off by sharing a very cherished memory.

mcc day, september 2021. my roommates and i tune in to watch dream's live stream. it's the first time watching for my best friend who, although clinically online and very well versed in twitch etiquette, had always stuck to hispanic streamers. dream loses after a very close competition. still, my friend turns to me and says: "i'm a little emotional right now. i've never seen a chat so kind and encouraging in my life. usually i have to close it because they're, well, horrible, but this was one of the most heart-warming things i've seen on twitch chat. it's like you guys are his little cheerleaders."

i've heard bad things about the dream stans. i've DEFINITELY seen some of them. i'm no stranger to fandom culture. i hate making 'not every...' posts because that defies the point of holding accountable those who are toxic. i'm not above being critical of my own 'fave'.

however, i'm sick of seeing the demonized version that the internet has deemed reflective of reality in regards of dream 'stans'. because it's not true! i've seen the worst of the worst. i've been involved in pretty shitty fandoms. you know how dream keeps standing up for his 'stans'? he's not enabling the 'stan' community that many people think it is.

not to be cheesy, but dream fans are like nothing i've ever come across. maybe because we've had too much shit spewed at us. because we've had to endure death threats that, upon reacting, would not only make things worse for us, but for dream too. we've learnt to keep quiet in our little bubble to avoid conflict. we've been driven to the point of exhaustion. now, i'm not claiming this has been the case since the very begining. i'm sure early 2020/2021 had many dream stans who were a pain in the ass.

it is, however, quite revolting to realize dream's community's growth keeps getting looked past. by anon users. by ccs. by whole ass men older and more mature than many of us, with far more power and not one ounce of regret when their comments send a hurricane of harassment dream's (and by default, our) way. if any of them took a second of their day, they would find out all most of these 'dream stans' nowadays do is respectfully denfend themselves and their cc.

i'm tired of the whole 'dream enables hate in his community' narrative. we're human too. i could've snapped so many times at threats being sent MY way - not even dream's - and i never do, because god, i could fight fire with fire. but we've learnt the hard way that it doesn't benefit anyone. doesn't help the situation. certainty doesn't help dream. so we keep quiet. we turn into the bigger person per request for dream. i'm a mindless dream stan for being decent because dream asked me to? sure, say that to my face when you're not telling me to die. you're LUCKY dream is the last line in defense that's still standing in my moral compass.

dream has managed to create such a community that reflects who he is as a person. which isn't the cold, manipulative bigot that people think he is. dream's community is nothing but a reflection of his infinite kindness, compassion, acceptance and eagerness to learn and grow. thinking dream enables his fans' behavior as marketing strategy is a major downplay of who he is as a character.

i remember one quote from him, a long time ago, "don't let anyone tell you you're weird for liking something because they're the weird ones". i can imagine dream, who latches to games for days straight, and forgets to sleep sometimes, was just another kid who was shamed for liking things 'a little too much'. if anything, all dream's ever wanted to do is create a safe community where people aren't shamed for their 'weird ticks' or 'fixations'. when he's defensive of his community, he's not defensive of the people who send death threats and harass and doxx. he's defensive of a community that he built with care, in hopes to shelter all the 'freaky' kids that don't have something to go back to.

fuck anyone who tries to paint dream's community as something toxic. it's the furthest thing from it.

#im parasocial about all of you none of you have done anything wrong in your entire life #dreamwastaken #dwt #long post

[five-rivers]

Wings

Good people grew wings.

How wings grew, why they grew, and the exact criteria for being a good person, were unclear. Science had discovered many things over the years, but human wings remained a mystery and the closest thing to real magic the average person would ever know about. Even so, this one point, that you had to be good to grow wings, was agreed upon by virtually everyone.

You had to be good.

Saintlike, even. Literally. If a person had wings, even teeny tiny ones, and was even vaguely Catholic, they were almost certain to be sainted shortly after their death.

This was why Danny was sure there had to be some kind of mistake. That this had to be a prank. Or a trick. Or even the result of some weird ghost power Danny didn’t know about.

Not that he thought he was a bad person. He tried his best! But he was well aware of his many, many flaws. Some might say that was the first step to working on them, except… He did not do that.

Which was yet another sign that the small, downy lumps growing very painfully out his back couldn’t be real.

He didn’t deserve this.

(A sentiment he meant in many ways. Primarily the obvious one, but he also didn’t want to have to deal with two new limbs on top of everything else in his life.)

(Like, he’d just gotten used to having a tail, and the tail wasn’t a permanent addition. Or even an addition, really. It was more of an exchange. Two legs for one tail.)

He inhaled shakily and turned away from the mirror. His face was pale and drawn. Dark circles were painted under his eyes. Slightly pink scars from the fight with Skulker last night stood out on his skin. They’d fade in a few days.

Hopefully, so would the little bumps on his back. If not…

His knuckles went white on the counter. At some points in history, it had been dangerous to have wings grow in out of nowhere. People would wonder why. And if that why wasn’t compatible with what the local government wanted, if what they were doing was good but illegal, well… But the point was, some people had taken rather extreme measures to avoid being caught.

Like cutting off their wings.

Nausea rose in Danny’s throat at the notion of cutting off any part of his body. He could do it. He had access to enough sharp things and had a high enough pain tolerance. Plus, he could turn certain body parts intangible, to get a better angle on—

He turned to the toilet and threw up.

The article he’d read on the internet had said that, sometimes, wings growing in disrupted the other functions of the body. Hormonal imbalance.

Wings might be magic. This experience? Not so much.

Then, when did radical changes to his person ever happen painlessly for him? The Accident, the Accident Remix, his ice powers, puberty in general…

Yeah.

He shuddered and reached for the lever.

Maybe they’d be small. Size depended on how good you were. At least, that was the prevailing theory. Since he shouldn’t have his at all, they should be small. Tiny. Hopefully. Hidable. Something he could keep under his shirt. Something no one would notice. Something that wouldn’t be investigated, wouldn’t be questioned.

Oh, god, what if they showed up on Phantom as well? That would be a nightmare. Most ghost hunters and occultists didn’t even think ghosts had feelings. One showing up with wings would make them furious. They’d be convinced that he was faking. That he was trying to capitalize on how people thought of wings to make himself look better.

Oh, geez, and that wasn’t even getting into how they’d interact with his suit, which repaired any damage done to it every time he transformed.

He shifted, rings sparking over him, and reached around his ribs to touch his back. Which still had two very sensitive lumps.

.

“Danny,” said Jazz, sitting on the edge of her bed and steepling her hands, “how many times have you saved Amity Park?”

Danny frowned. “What does that have to do with anything?”

She pressed her fingers to her lips. “Okay. How about how many times you’ve saved the planet?”

Danny shrugged.

“Don’t you think that might, I don’t know, contribute to the present situation?”

“That’s—I don’t—Jazz, I live here. Of course, I’m going to protect the place I live.” He started pacing back and forth.

Jazz stared up at him. “Are you sure that’s what going on? Really?”

“Yes?”

Jazz stood up and put both her hands on Danny’s shoulders. “Danny. You’re a good person.”

“I’m not, though.”

“Okay. Tell me why you think you aren’t a good person.”

“Bad future ring a bell?” replied Danny acerbically.

“You mean the future that never happened.”

“I wasgoing to cheat on that test.”

Jazz inhaled deeply, then sighed. “Cheating on a test does not make you a bad person.”

“I destroyed the world.”

“No, you didn’t,” said Jazz. “last time I checked, the world was just fine. And wasn’t Dan half Vlad anyway?”

“It was still my fault,” mumbled Danny.

“Maybe,” allowed Jazz, “but that doesn’t mean you aren’t a good person, doing good things. Also, you wouldn’t be the first person to grow wings even though you did something bad earlier. Everyone does bad things.”

“Like who?” mumbled Danny.

“Uh,” said Jazz, “I haven’t exactly prepared a list. Um. Oscar Schindler. Like, by all accounts he was kind of terrible right up until, you know.”

Danny sighed and extracted himself from Jazz’s grip. “How am I supposed to hide them, anyway?”

“Well, if they stay small, you should be able to just cover them up. I wouldn’t recommend binding them, that’ll deform the bones. But if they get bigger… Can’t you just keep them invisible and intangible?”

“No,” said Danny, after a beat of time staring at Jazz to make sure she wasn’t joking. “I can’t hold onto either of those for that long. Especially not in human form.”

“Well,” said Jazz. She ran a hand through her hair. “In that case… You might not be able to hide them.”

Danny closed his eyes. “I hope they stay small.”

But he had a feeling they wouldn’t.

#danny phantom #dannymay #dannymay 2021 #dannymay 2021 day 19: wings #wing au

[magicpumpkin3]

hey you i see your req are open ? if you have time , can you write about reader ( female or gender natural ) who always act cold and strong in front of other but one day the dorm leader see her crying in the sleep . they like having a nightmares about the dorm leader leaving them and sleep talk about begging them to stay ?

i am sorry if this is too long .

Note: I went through seven stages of grief while writing this. And the crazy part, I have no idea why! (Prob BC of the art/writing block).

Note№2: I sincerely apologize for the delay. But at last, most of my finals are over and I hope my will to live and create will return (and NOT at 3 AM!)

Riddle Rosehearts

He honestly didn't know you fell asleep. You were staying in his room, listening to him, rambling about his dorm members not understanding the importance of rules.

He stopped rambling as soon as you let out a small sob. Slowly turning his head towards you, to make sure he didn't mishear it, Riddle looks at you. Another sob leaves you followed shortly by a hitched inhale. He's momentarily at your side. Riddle isn't quite sure what to do. He knows for sure, he needs to wake you up. While he attempts to do so, you start crying even more, particular shacking from the amount of tears.

Riddle stills when he hears you call out for him. Never have he ever imagined you, of all people calling for him. It's unusual for you to show such deep emotions to anyone so poor thing is absolutely lost at what to do again. He had similar nightmares too (not to the point of years though), so he understands your fear.

He attempts to comfort you in your sleep, since he could wake you up. Riddle hugs you and whispers reassuring things and lot's of "I'll never leave you"s. He'll never mention it to anyone but he will talk about this with you for sure.

Leona Kingscholar

It was one of the many sleepless nights for Leona. He usually listened to your heart to fall asleep faster, feeling safe and loved. Laying on top of you, using you as a pillow, it always helped.

Leona is no stranger to nightmares, quiet the opposite actually. But never did he imagen that you will have one. In front of him. There isn't a lot of people who would understand you, lucky for you, Leona is one of a few, who understand. He trys to wake you up at first, causing you to cry even more. He's panicking, he has no idea what to do. You're always so cold, calm and quiet one of the many reasons why he likes to sleep near you.

Once Leona hears your cry for him, beginning him, to stay. He stills, not believing his ears. He had similar nightmares about you, leaving him. You were always there to comfort him when those night terrors came, so he does the same for you.

He cuddles you, pat's your head, running his fingers through your hair and says probably the sweetest things you'll ever hear from him. Leona won't mention it to anyone and won't talk with you about it. He will cuddle you more and say encouraging stuff to you in private though.

Azul Ashengrotto

He was in his office, counting contracts, before heading towards his room. He couldn't leave his angelfish waiting! You and Azul made an agreement that whenever he's being late to your 'privet' date, you'd wait for him in his room.

Standing right outside the room, Azul heard faint crying. Momentarily, he enters room, normally he knocks, even though it's his room, privacy is privacy but in this situation, he had to.

Seeing you crying in your sleep, made his personal killbill siren go insane! Usually it was the other way around, you comforting him after another bad dream. So Azul did what you usually did to him, try to wake you up and comfort you.

You let out another cry but with his name. Poor Azul was afraid you were having nightmare about him, hurting you. He was about to push away, when you weekly grabbed onto his arm and pleaded to stay with you, still asleep.

Azul stayed by your side whole night, not daring to fall asleep. Not like he could. Whispering words of love and reassurance, cuddling you, with his whole being, Azul silently cried with you, feeling your pain, like no one else. He won't say a word to anyone but he will talk about your fears and insecurities.

Kalim Al-Asim

He just returned from one of his night flys. Usually he just flys on his carpet whenever he couldn't sleep, thais was one of those nights. As soon as you entered Kalim's room and sat down on his bed, you fell asleep, due to up coming exams. Sunshine boy truly tried to fall asleep with you but he couldn't.

So imagen his suprise, when he heard your crys. You! The ice majesty you! You were like that comical 'polar opposites' couple. If anything, it was most likely him being the crying one then you!

Poor Kalim was panicking half of the time! He was about to call Jamil for help (since vice dorm leader always helped him to calm down in saddest moments) but then he heard your crys for him. You, the always cool and calm, you were calling for him???

Kalim wouldn't even try to wake you up in fear of scaring you even more, instead he'd attempt to comfort you through your sleep. Hugging, cuddling you, pressing gentle kisses here and there. He'd try to stay awake the whole night but unfortunately he falls asleep embracing you. In the morning he's very tempted to ask others for advice but Kalim understands, that it's too personal. He'll be a bit awkward about it (he doesn't know how to approach you when it comes to emotions) but he will talk with you about your nightmares.

Vil Schoenheit

Normally he was the one to fall asleep first but oh well. You did look horribly tired this whole day. Schoenheit was in a good mood, so he decided to have a beauty sleep with you (aka go to sleep at 9 pm).

He was about to fell asleep but was shacken back to the reality with your sobs. At first, he thought it was just his sleepy mind and imagination but when you started to toss around the bed and cry even more aggressively. Vil would usually just knocked some sense into you, to not ruin his beauty sleep but it's not the case.

He isn't the best guy if you need comfort. Especially if he's used to you being cold and calm on the outside (like him). So Vil is really confused on what to do. Logically he'd try to wake you up first and if that fails, he'd still be lost for a good fee seconds. Don't be mad at him, please, he trys his best. Vil would try to hug you and keep you in place, so you wouldn't accidentally hurt yourself, try to calm you, by saying stuff like 'it's okay', 'let it out' and 'sh…I'm here for you'.

When he first heard you cry for him, Vil like Azul thought, he was the cause of your tears. He was about to start to think some really depressing things but then you begged for him to stay. It's like something snapped in him. Vil never thought that you'd be that attached to him. He'd be more 'aggresive' in his calming attempts. More 'I love you's and 'I won't ever leave you's, tightening his embrace and all. He wouldn't talk to anyone about it and he would be hesitant to talk to you about it too. Since he's also an 'ice queen' he tried to think how'd that go through his point of view. But in the end you'd still discussed it.

Idia Shroud

You both were chillaxing in his room. Idia was having one of those long night gaming marathon/sessions and you accidentally fell asleep on his bed. Idia doesn't mind though, he understands that you're probably tired and his bed is comfy!

Before long, he was at max level fighting with the boss and he was about to disintegrate that worthless being- Wait, did he hear it correct? Pushing pause, Idia pushed his headphones a bit. Yep, that was someone crying. Hold on... IT'S JUST YOU AND HIM HERE!!! Remember, I told you about killbill siren in Azul's head? Now THIS is a killbill siren. Idia is panicking his shit out and has no actual idea what to do! His anxiety level has never been so high.

Usually he was the one having nightmares (if you were lucky to catch him asleep) in your couple, so if something you or Ortho were the one to comfort him. Poor Idia, he was on the verge of tears from the panic. He was about to call Ortho for help when he heard your cry for him, his name being chocked out from your trembling body. Hesitant, he would try to wake you up (And miserably failed). Idia will mostly say reassuring words and won't do much physical contact since he's afraid of scaring you even more. He really is worried, don't get me wrong! After that, he would only ask Ortho for the advice (or internet in anon mode). He doesn't want to mess up things even more so he'll be shy asking you about it. You and him will still talk at some point though.

Malleus Draconia

Fae's sleeping schedule is a... wierd thing but it is what it is. Usually Malleus just watches you sleep instead of sleeping himself. So here you were in bed next to him, sleeping peacefully, while Draconia watched you like a hawk.

So when your face started to show the slightest hints of discomfort, he noticed it. And from that moment on, his 'protecting' instincts were acting up. He didn't risk waking you up right away but he git closer to your sleeping form non-theless. He was monitoring everything, starting with what expression does your face makes and ending with your heart beat.

When you let out your first shaky sob, Malleus felt like there's a crack in the floor and it's getting bigger. He had no idea what to do. While he was spacing out and silently panicking, you started to cry even harder. Poor baby, was scared to do anything! He tried to wake you up but you just started crying even harder! Malleus got a heart attack when you cried his name out. Like Azul he thought, he was the reason of your nightmare. The only thought about it made him go to the verge of tears. Malleus was brought back to the reality by you, pleading for him to stay. Mal mal would hug you, whisper promises of being with you forever and try to slowly rock you like a baby to ease your bad dream. He won't mention it to anyone and won't talk with about it. But if it happens again, he'll decently confront you about your nightmares.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twst fanfic #twst x mc #twst x you #twst x yuu #twst dorm leaders #twst headcanons #dorm leaders #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #vil schoenheit #kalim al asim #idia shroud #malleus draconia #riddle x reader #leona x reader #azul x reader #kalim x reader #vil x reader #idia x reader #malleus x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland x you #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland x mc #twisted wonderland fic #otome game

[smallblip]

You asked, I deliver! Part II of Accidental baby acquisition💖 I lost one of the asks 😩 but anon who asked about baby Udo, I named the baby in your honour! Saddle up cowboys! I’m not good with sequels but here we are-

Babygate:

the scandal that implies that a certain boy band member cheated on his partner (another band member) and had a kid even when the mom was never pregnant.

- urban dictionary

—

Reiner thinks things are alright. Life is definitely picking up. Pieck still sends him excerpts of her dirty fanfiction to proofread, Bertholdt is still doing all he can to “retire at 30”, Annie might have eloped with said boyfriend. But he’s seeing Porco on the regular now, he’s really cute, he’s got a nice ass. Reiner can’t complain.

He’s also recently donated his Levi Ackerman standee. Only because it’s getting increasingly hard to reconcile the fact that he has a life sized cutout of his colleague’s boyfriend in his room.

What he can complain about is said colleague (and friend) dropping bombs on him. He’s one of the moderators of one of the bigger No Name servers. Sometimes he wonders if that’s a conflict of interest because, well, he knows the guy on a first name basis. But today he has other concerns. He sees his notifications blowing up and decides to go on the No Name server. And lo and behold. There’s a paparazzi shot of Levi and Hanji with a stroller taking a walk in a new channel called “MYSTERY FAMILY?”.

He cancels his plans with Porco. “Don’t text me for the next few hours, got a fire to fight.” He clicks send, and feels kinda bad, so he sends Porco really dank meme to appease him. (That doesn’t stop Porco from doing exactly what Reiner told him not to do and demanding an explanation every five minutes).

He forces himself to take a deep breath before texting Hanji-

“Hanji… I don’t mean to be rude but…

WHAT THE FUCK?”

—

So here begins babygate. A conspiracy theory that took the Internet by storm.

“Levi Ackerman had a secret marriage! He was keeping this from us from the start!”

“It’s a publicity stunt to keep No Name relevant during their hiatus!”

“It’s an elaborate scheme by the company to punish Levi for announcing the hiatus without their knowledge!”

“Levi’s mystery partner was sent by the lizard people to take control of his mind and produce half-lizard, half-human hybrid babies to take over the world! What a bitch!” (This is Hanji’s favourite).

And the internet’s favourite- this is all an elaborate scheme to cover up the scandalous love affair between Levi and Eren- the band’s guitarist.

“What the fuck?” Levi had said during dinner once, to which Reiner had to swallow his food and pretend he never read or actively looked up ereri content. Yes. Reiner knows the name of their ship.

Levi hadn’t been too worried before, but when pictures of them shopping for baby stuff leaked online, something snaps. Something snaps and Erwin tells him he needs more time to figure out the biggest PR crisis in No Name history.

It’s Levi. Levi is the PR crisis.

So in the meantime, no shock reveals, no more social media, (if possible) no more leaving the house with pregnant girlfriend in tow. “Don’t do ANYTHING.” Erwin had said, “especially not you!” Erwin had directed that at Eren, who suggested he makes an announcement. Erwin shudders. He remembers all the past scandals they got themselves into just because Eren, bless him, didn’t know when to shut up.

“I’m sorry…” Levi says to Hanji when they’re cuddled up on the couch watching a documentary on whale migration.

“Huh?” Hanji says, voice muffled through her incessant sniffling because “whales are delivered tail first, Levi! They wear their mothers like hats!”

He apologises for putting her through the mess that is him and his job. And Hanji smiles at him. He wonders if their kid will look like her. He’s hoping they would.

“Levi…” Hanji sighs, taking his face in her hands, “that night at the bar I thought to myself ‘this man has a face I would risk it all for’… I think this counts within the realms of ‘all’”

Levi scoffs, but a smile is threatening the corners of his lips. Erwin’s nagging over the phone fades a little and he sinks a little lower into the couch. He sighs one more time for good measure before saying-

“So… you wanna know which my favourite babygate theory is?”

—

“And you’re really not bothered by all this?” Reiner asks, in an emergency meeting that he had scheduled into her calendar. He hates that he’s packing things into her already busy schedule when she’s about to pop but, he figures it’s better now than when the baby’s actually out. He had booked a meeting room and everything, figuring if he projected some of the crazy shit they’re saying on the fan boards up on screen, Hanji would start taking this seriously. Because if Reiner knows anything, it’s that the fans will do anything to keep their ship afloat.

He scrolls past another post on the lizard people and Hanji gets him to pause.

“I mean… A little?” Hanji pinches her fingers together.

“Hanji…” Reiner sighs, “you and Levi discuss and rate babygate conspiracy theories you find online I don’t think you’re taking this seriously at all…”

Hanji looks at Reiner- an absolute state of panic. And she considers panicking for a moment. She’s read articles dissecting babygate and although they’re absolutely batshit, Hanji appreciates how well-researched they are. Which is a little scary. To be fair to Levi, he’s been trying to get her to worry. “I can’t keep you safe all the time, you have to be careful” like he’s going off to war somewhere. But it’s not in Hanji nature to worry about things like this. She’s a researcher at a lab who lived an ordinary life up until the point the universe hit her with a-

Sike! Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy! What are you gonna do about it?

And now she knows what headcanons and lemons are, and she really doesn’t know what to do with that knowledge. So Hanji decides, she’ll do nothing. She’ll go on indulgently long walks Levi in tow, she’ll talk his ear off about work. And like a good girlfriend, she’ll listen to his demos (and enjoy them) and tell him “are you sure anger rhymes with danger?”.

“I don’t really know how to worry about anything beyond our samples getting contaminated…” Hanji says, sheepish. Reiner sighs. He doesn’t want to be a wet blanket on Hanji’s life. He wants to be fun Reiner. Cool as a cucumber. Reiner who manages to make it through dinner at Hanji’s without having to excuse himself to hyperventilate in her bathroom because Levi is right there. And he’s so afraid that he might just be able to read his mind and find out he had looked up Levi Ackerman x y/n fanfiction once in his foolish youth (youth being approximately four months back)

Reiner shudders.

“Yeah okay… That’s um… That’s cool… Right?” He says.

Hanji shrugs.

—

So Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy. Now what?

You go into labour of course, with a matter of fact- “oh. Look Levi. The water broke.” All while refusing to leave the house until you demolish that amazing sandwich he made for you. You go into labour and you yell and grunt like a beast as you squeeze the life out of your baby daddy because he kinda deserves it. You both kinda deserve this pain. Take it as heavenly punishment for being horny and stupid if you will.

And in the middle of it Hanji thinks huh, this feels like a mix of a reality TV show from MTV and a badly written fanfiction. Except Hanji isn’t a teen mom and she’s too old for self-insert fiction that involves a lead singer of a popular band.

But Levi is here, and he doesn’t complain one bit even though he looks like he’s about to pass out. So as far as drunken one night stands go- this is pretty damn aspirational.

The baby enters the world with a huge cry.

“Kid’s got a huge set of lungs…” Levi says, but his own voice is quivering.

“Just like her dad…” Hanji smiles.

As he watches Hanji fall asleep with their baby on her chest, Levi thinks fuck it. Fuck keeping this under wraps. Fuck the fans and them enjoying how Eren gets on his nerves. Fuck Erwin and his “Levi. You’re giving me a headache. You are the cause of this headache.” Because the baby has Hanji’s nose and his eyes and he loves them more than anything in the world.

He snaps a picture of them and tags bigdaddyzoë-

“Welcome to the world, my love.”

—

Reiner can’t help the tears that well in his eyes after seeing the picture Hanji had sent him of the baby-

“He says hi to his favourite uncle!” Was the caption, and Reiner could only reply with a crying cat meme and an incoherent text that Hanji favourites.

He’s on the bus on the way to the hospital when his phone buzzes incessantly. It’s Porco.

“REINER WHAT THE FUCK.”

“LEVI ACKERMAN IS HANJI ZOË’S BABY DADDY?”

“HANJI ZOË MY PHD SUPERVISOR?”

“LEVI ACKERMAN OF NO NAME?”

“REINER WHAT THE FUCK?”

He sends a reply at the entrance of the hospital-

“Welcome to my world”

—

Reiner thinks things are alright. He’s one of the moderator of one of the bigger No Name servers, so he can block and remove people at his discretion. Some days he lets it get to his head. It makes him feel like a king. But today, he’s putting out fires.

Erwin decided their PR strategy was absolutely no strategy, because “they’re zooming in on the pixels Levi. Once they doubt the pixels, they won’t believe anything we’re saying”. With that. Babygate has officially taken on a life of its own. Eren still sends Levi babygate articles to annoy him, and to Hanji because she asked very nicely. Hanji thinks Erwin’s strategy makes sense, Levi thinks it’s just lazy. But Erwin framed a certificate that says “survived a PR crisis (sort of)” that Hanji had insisted be hung up on their wall, so that closes one chapter. Besides, Eren has been spotted going out on dates with a mystery girl. Which has the double effect of diverting attention away from Levi and exacerbating babygate because “see? Told you the company’s doing all they can to prove they’re not together!”

“Can’t you keep it in your pants?” Levi had thrown at Eren, to which he had responded cleverly with a-

“Could’ve said the same for you!”

Touché…

“See? That can’t be Levi! Look at how he’s smiling!”

“That can’t be a baby! Looks like an animatronic to me!”

“Do they even make animatronics that realistic?”

Reiner pins his “no slander” rule- one day they’ll get it. Or at least he would’ve gotten rid of all the people that don’t.

“Who’s this bigdaddyzoë anyway?”

“Maybe she isn’t real? Company probably invented her…”

“Heard she’s a crazy groupie who got knocked up…”

“Heard she’s hot…”

… several people are typing

—

“So… I heard from Reiner you were defending my honour in the server?” Hanji quirks an eyebrow.

Levi shrugs. Whatever goes down in the server stays between Leviackerman173810 (leviackerman and all 173809 permutations of said username had already been taken) and the hundreds of people who haven’t quite figured out he’s the real deal. Besides, Erwin has issued him three warnings so it’s best to lay low for now.

“My hero…” Hanji chuckles, pressing a kiss on Levi’s head. Below them, baby Udo wriggles and yawns against the fabric of Levi’s shirt. Cute.

So Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy. Now what? You look at your son and know he’s going to break hearts like his father of course. And if you’re Levi, you pray to god he never asks about babygate because Hanji has read up enough about it to be considered a connoisseur.

One day the internet will break when they find out the identity of bigdaddyzöe. But for now baby Udo has his parents wrapped around his tiny fingers and he doesn’t quite understand the concept of him being the spawn of every typical band member x y/n fanfiction. Or the centre of a very popular, very absurd, yet strangely believable internet conspiracy theory. Or the canon plot that has sunk one of the biggest No Name ships. And that’s okay.

#babygate was a 1D conspiracy theory #levihan #whoopwhoop! #levi x hange #levi x Hanji #Drabble #inbox #anon #mine #again Pieck is me #un beta-Ed I’m sure it’s full of mistakes #shingeki no kyojin #Levi Ackerman #hange Zoë #celebrity au

[yanderart]

   Once you found Shouto on the Anti-Purge forums, it felt so wonderful to be understood. So comforting to finally have someone you could rely on...

So, when you got a letter notifying you of your selection for the Annual Purge later on, of course you went to seek his help.

Should’ve known better than to trust strangers online, though.

My fic/portrait convo for the Yandere Purge Collab, from the Lovesick Discord. And please check the rest of the m. list for other amazing works set in the same AU!

Under the cut is the actual fic (Todoroki x Reader, nsfw, dark themes, 10k), as well as the respective TWs. Hope y'all enjoy 🥀

-------

Tws: Usual yandere ones (stalking, manipulation, delusion). Dub-con/Non-con. Non-consensual Drug Use, aka Aphrodisiacs. Death threats and sexism (from randoms on the forum, not Todo). 

-------

   You couldn’t think straight —hadn’t been able to since waking up again. All you could recognize amidst the fog currently obscuring your thoughts was the longing, prolonged, and tangible in its hold over your being.

You felt hot all over, the flames licking at your skin burning brightly as you squirmed from your place, eagerly attempting to get closer to the cold reprieve emanating from the man that held you. 

“Tell me what’s wrong, Y/N." One of his hands was steering you on his lap, the other one gently massaging your shoulders in a comforting motion. “I can only help you if you do."

If your judgment had not been overcast by the desire pushing away your self-awareness, then perhaps you could’ve heard the faint hint of amusement in his voice. Perhaps you would’ve thought to look up and finally encounter the content shine of his heterochromatic eyes.

“I feel…" speaking was laborious, your tongue impossibly weighty and your mind swirling with thoughts that escaped any semblance of coherence. “I feel hot all over. It hurts.”

The hand positioned around your waist went to search for one of your clenched ones, easily engulfing it in his grip as he nudged the side of your face with his chin rather tenderly. A gentle encouragement for you to stay attentive, anchoring you to the moment despite your dazed mindset. 

“Show me then,” his low timbre tickled your skin, sending another wave of excruciating heat to wreak havoc inside your body, “Let me know where it hurts.”

With a stuttering sigh, you proceeded to press both of your hands to your lower stomach, gulping audibly before bringing them further down. Dancing just short of your underwear while your eyelids fluttered shut. 

You knew your actions were out of character deep down. Even recognized the shadow of wrongness that distorted the current scene. You weren't supposed to do such things, weren't supposed to feel like that…

But the reality was that you were so excruciatingly warm by that point, and his palm felt so deliciously cold. 

When you heard the dreadful siren going off in the distance, the instantly recognizable sound of the Purge starting at last, you were already too far gone to think of anything else but the fingers brushing against the thin cotton of your panties, so close to the evidence of your need soaking through them. 

Your parents had told you not to trust strangers online once upon a time. You should’ve really taken their advice more to heart.

。。。。。

   But first, perhaps a little tracing of your steps is in order —some necessary context to fully understand the extension of your plight. 

You see, earlier that day you had woken up full of a peculiar mix of drive and determination. It was indeed Purge Day, the single day of the year you had grown to fear the most  ever since childhood, and yet for once you found yourself oddly relaxed, filled to the brim with resolve instead of your usual nerves. 

Which was already an unexpected turn of events, considering you had just gotten a letter notifying you of your selection as one of the accursed Darlings of the Night. 

A gentle reminder that, if caught, your life would stop belonging to yourself for an entire dreadful year. 

Because a Yandere had their sight on you now, or so the notice had informed you in impeccable typography. Anxious fingertips memorized the slight raise of inked words, inspecting every single detail the letter carried.

You had imagined a monster ready to pounce just outside your door then, fitting enough to be the carrier of your bad news. A preternaturally grotesque being, built from all the Yandere themed horror stories you had heard throughout the years.  

And yet there you were, feeling safer in that instant than you had in years; Because this time you had a plan. He made sure to give you one you could easily follow.

Just like he later made sure to welcome you in with a kind smile and awfully persistent hospitality. 

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

You should've known better than to accept.

。。。。。

   In the present, fingers were now dipping under the elastic of your panties, ghosting across feverish skin and encouraging your whimpers to grow louder. 

"Is this what you want, then?" The man's breath tickled one of your ears, rough digits gathering your slickness with practiced ease. And he sounded genuinely concerned too, as if your discomfort was not a consequence of his own machinations. "Because I wanna ease your pain, baby. Give you what you truly need."

He barely even touched you yet you were already struggling not to crumble, the desire governing your mind mixing with the new sensations to create a new delirious kind of torment. 

Continuing to tease you, the man was relentless in his torture, barely even brushing over your neediest spots. A gentle press of his palm to stimulate you for a moment before pulling back, much to your shameful frustration; Better than nothing, but not close enough. 

In his own way, though, he was urging you to speak up. Expecting you to demand what you truly wanted. 

Yet as a retort, all you could come up with was gasping out his name, dripping from your lips like honeyed prayers as your hips fought to buck up against his hand. 

 A sound you afterward repeated a hundred times over. Chanted until its melody became engraved on your tongue and the man was finally caving in, sliding his fingers inside with a smirk. 

He had known you'd end up caving, had planned for it for months now, and yet nothing had prepared him for the actual view.

。。。。。

   Shou, actually, had been his username when you first met him. Once upon a time recited with a genuine smile and an eagerness to please, such a far cry from the anguished whines it would later lead up to.

You started frequenting the forum he inhabited a few months back. A place which happened to be a hidden corner of the internet for people who did not just stumble upon it, but actually sought it out. A part of the web where its occupants challenged societal norms and, against what society had tried to condition you all into thinking,  chose to voice their taboo Anti-Purge sentiments instead. 

Sentiments perhaps born either due to the inherent discriminatory nature of the holiday (why was it that Yanderes were accommodated for, while Darlings barely got a warning before they were made prey?), a need for contrarianism (when opposing open kidnappings, assault and other debauchery became an act of rebellion), or just a tenuous moral high ground which made it unbearable to stomach. Whatever the reason, it was your first time encountering such a density of like-minded peers.

Despite attempting to commit yourself to being a lurker, deciding to never post or reply to others, your days had still quickly become consumed by the need to read each and every topic. You were simply fascinated with this new dark corner of the web. 

That was, of course, until the aforementioned Shou became the main focus of your attention, a dash of intriguing brightness to break the monotony of your existence.

And like moths rushing to the flame, your curiosity would be your undoing.  

There was something about him that pulled you in (along with many others from the community, which tended to flock on his posts whenever he grazed the forums). His username was clearly just a nickname instead of a carefully crafted pseudonym; profile picture just an image of the back of what you all assumed to be his hair, dual-toned strands catching the light in a hypnotic way.

Truly, his disregard for anonymity within those parts was a bigger statement than you were expecting, almost as commendable as it was dumbfounding. There was the nature of his postings too, never subtle about his inclinations or ideas. 

   How to disarm and reutilize Purge Traps. 

   Most effective ways to incapacitate a violent assailant.  

   Government lies and why they matter. 

   Faking a BOPC (breach of purge code) and getting away with it.

There was little method to the madness that was his forum activity, besides the hint that he was evidently more knowledgeable about the subject than most. Plus the fact that he was proactive about his advice, actually seeking to teach others to fight back instead of just hide away and hope for the best. For another self-proclaimed Darling, Shou was ruthless with his methods —it was hard not to admire him.

And admire you did, keeping tabs of his sporadic bursts of activity and speeding to try and interact with him whenever you caught him online. You were, to voice it simply, simply star-truck by him (and perhaps becoming a bit of a fangirl). 

Because whoever Shou was, it felt like he understood you. And so, against every ounce of your common sense or natural paranoia, you had finally decided to break your golden rule and reach out for the first time since you joined the niche forum. 

And not to just leave a vague comment agreeing on public discourse, but to actually send him a private message. In your defense, how were you supposed to know the chains of events your actions would start?

   Do you actually believe what you post?, had been your lame conversation starter. 

Luckily for you, he did not leave you hanging. You made sure to send the message while he was still active, one of the few days a week you knew he devoted to his presence on the site (and wasn't it slightly creepy, how you had taken the time to learn his schedule by that point?)

   I wouldn't be here if I didn't, dry, to the point and leaving you embarrassed to have even sent the first question. 

Yet for some reason, something about Shou reverted you back into a middle school kid seeking to impress a way cooler senior. 

Perhaps it was what he symbolized (a change for the better), what he appeared to be (everything you wish you were) —whatever it was, your fingers were frantically typing a reply as soon as his appeared on your screen. 

   I just think it's amazingThe things you know

   How you share them with everyone

   The way you see through the lies

   I just think you're— , your digits hovered over the keyboard as you were about to type out the last sentence before quickly deleting it. Even in your excitement, you knew how obsessed you'd sound if you started complimenting him personally in your very first conversation. 

So instead you sent your thoughts on his posts and awaited his answer with bated breath. A few minutes ticked by this time, your anxiety making you count down the seconds in mortified silence, slowly weighted down by your doubts until your notifications for the forum were going off again with a distinct ping. 

   I've seen your replies around. I think you're great too. 

Whatever your hang ups for praising him directly had been, he clearly did not harbor any. As the prongs of nervousness alleviated their hold over your body, you struggled to see any problems with it either…this was a person you had come to idolize, and they thought you were great?

Your smile, while still anxious, was considerable while you quickly responded. 

   I'm just a n00b. Learning from the pros. 

A moment of thought, biting your bottom lip as you decided whether to add a second message or not. Fuck it, you told yourself. 

   I wasn't even supposed to be posting anything, but you made me wanna reach out. 

Was that too forward? Oh god, it was, wasn't it? You must've sounded creepy, must've sounded desperate and…

   That's cute. Did my ramblings teach you anything? 

An actual squeal left you then, sounding like it came from an altogether different person. You were an adult, with a career and responsibilities… Yet somehow, this stranger online indirectly calling you cute made you more excited than you were comfortable admitting.

   Ofc. I didn't even know what a BOPC was before. Didn't know most of the purge traps you mentioned, either. 

The spaces between replies were getting smaller, the conversation turning fluent as you both seemed to be staring straight into the screen, waiting for the other to finish typing. 

   So you really are a n00b then. 

Shit, did you fail some sort of forum etiquette by admitting that? Somehow, the need to impress Shou was more palpable than ever. 

   And you clearly know your stuff. Makes me wanna up my game. 

Be more like you, you left unsaid. 

   So am I your senpai then? 

Your fingers froze just above the keyboards, eyes scanning over Shou's last message and reverted back to staring at his profile pic for a solid minute. You would've squealed again, if you weren't so taken aback. 

   You make it sound like I am, his second message lit up your screen, coming in quickly after your rare pause in replies.

   I don't think that's bad, though. Third message from him, and you were close to fainting now. 

   Then in that case I suppose you are. You wondered whether Shou wouldn't think you were pathetic admitting that, or whether he had been honest by saying he didn't mind... 

   I've also noticed you agreeing with some of my more polarizing views. 

A welcomed change in topics. 

You thought to ask him which ones (most of his posts tended to have a polarizing effect, with people finding him either too radicalized or not radicalized enough), but before you could formulate the question you saw the twinkling circles symbolizing he was typing up another sentence.

   Do you actually believe them? And now it was his turn to spit your words back at you. 

   Well, yah. You make compelling arguments. 

   Color me impressed then, the start of his new retort left your mind spinning. Never met a n00b like you before. 

After his declaration, you found yourself writing and rewriting your answer, hesitating on your word choice, and yet pure elation coursed through your veins. 

He said he's impressed with me, your brain kept supplying on loop. You had no way of knowing just how much of a lasting impression you were leaving. 

   I don't wanna stay one tho. I'd like to jump a few levels. Improve.

Barely a moment's notice before his last message provoked a noticeable hitch in your breath. 

   I can help you with that. 

Which, as short of a reply as it was, left you giddier than would’ve been healthier to admit. 

Perhaps it could be chalked up to your work shifts growing more monotonous and tiresome, your social life becoming a faint echo of what it used to be, or just the regular wear and tear from a too-plain existence —a routine where you didn’t tend to engage with life, but just passively watched it go by.

Whatever the true reason was, that night you went to sleep with such a wide grin that the apples of your cheeks had started to hurt from the exertion, infinitely excited after getting to talk firsthand with someone you had already come to admire by that point. 

It almost made you self-conscious, knowing just how much it all meant to you, how such a small gesture on his part happened to mean the world to you. 

But there was really no reason to feel ashamed or overzealous over your own reaction. If you could’ve seen Shou, you would’ve known you weren’t the only one smiling.

。。。。。

   Almost as open of a smile as the one adorning his features right now, currently hidden from your view as his fingers set a maddening pace. Tortuously slow at first until his knuckles started brushing against your opening with each thrust. 

All you could hear now were the wet sounds of your arousal facilitating his movements, motions whose only purpose seemed to be to drive you more rambling and disoriented by the second. 

"Is this what you want? What you need, perhaps?" His usually calm voice was uncharacteristically affected as he gasped against your ear, the torture he was making you endure clearly getting to him as well. 

You were much too preoccupied with the waves of pleasure and warmth overflowing your body to give a proper response, but your lack of one did not deter him. 

If anything, your needy gasps and whines were the only encouragement he required. 

"Don't worry, Y/N. I'll take care of you, make you feel good."

By that point, the hand that had been petting your hair had found its way to your sopping heat too, calloused pads circling around your pearl while the man continued feeding you his eager promises. 

"I get you, baby. Just like you get me." So close, your entire body taut and ready to snap. "And you want me to take care of you too, right?"

You weren't conscious enough to understand the implications, your impaired judgment prohibiting you from reading further into the meaning of his words. He sounded so encouraging, so deceivingly tender despite stuffing you full of his fingers as you squirmed on his lap. 

All you could do was nod furiously.

And later on, when your senses sadly returned, dedicated yourself to lamenting over which of your actions brought you down this unfortunate path. 

。。。。。

    Perhaps, your consciousness supplied, it had been the fact that you opened up so readily. That you had dared to share with a supposed new friend, things that should’ve better stayed hidden in the first place.   

But goddamn it, you felt downright honored that he even considered you worthy enough to entertain in the first place. From the very first second, Shouto already had the upper hand. 

During the first few conversations, the topics you two discussed were all closely related to the purge and your mutual hang ups with it. Concise and carefully typed out messages were exchanged, discussing opinions you had never expected anyone to be interested in hearing—not from you, at least. 

But then, as the weeks slowly progressed, the subjects of conversation began shifting to both of your lives, to your occupations, hobbies, and, directly against the forum's policy for privacy, the people you two were outside the confines of your online corner. 

Even without actually exchanging any real data or supplying him with your name or age, you found yourself starting to open up more and more with each day.

You told him about your grueling office job, the friends you hadn’t seen or texted in weeks, and the reality of an apartment which more closely resembled a containment cell than a home…

Revelations that you had kept hidden for so long, which now came pouring out without regard for how mortified they made you feel. You were conscious of the limits blurring between you two the further you kept going, of how you were telling him things best left unsaid, cramped and buried in a hard to reach place. 

And yet, for some obscure reason, everything Shou represented made it impossible for you to resist the temptation to speak up, to demand to be heard for the first time in an eternity of quietness. 

You’re pathetic, is what you expected him to say in return. Pathetic, weak, meager, and worthless. Anticipating him, somehow, to echo all the doubts and deeply held fears you carried inside. 

   Most of my friends don’t understand either, was instead the response you  received. But most people don’t see what's wrong, what needs to be changed. You feel lonely because you do.

It wasn’t clear what you would’ve wanted to hear beforehand, the things you had fantasized someone would reply if you ever gathered the courage to share your anxieties. Whatever those expectations had been an eternity ago, they now vastly paled when compared to what your new friend was dangling in front of you. 

It felt like he was giving an excuse for things you had always perceived as personal failings. If what he said was true, it would mean it wasn’t your social ineptitude that kept people away, your uselessness, or uninteresting personality.

It would mean the shadows around you could still be dispelled somehow, exorcising the silhouettes of a suffering that had become a regular companion in your day to day life.

Brandishing a courage that only anonymity could give you, your fingers were a blur on your keyboard as you tried to ignore the rapid heartbeat in your chest, the fear, and exhilaration from opening up for the first time in forever. 

Something you would later regret a thousand times over.

   And you do too, and it wasn’t a question, a nervous comment or a stuttered retort. With the aid of the text format, you could look as confident as you knew you weren’t. You understand as well. 

You understand me, was the tacit meaning behind it. The prickling of unshed tears made it so you were furiously blinking, fighting against the downpour despite your eyes refusing to leave the screen for longer than an instant. 

   I do. More than you realize.

For all intents and purposes, your first mistake was indeed opening up. 

And your second one was being naive enough to let him in. Seriously, why hadn’t you heeded your parent’s advice about stranger danger?

。。。。。

   ...If they could only see you now, coming apart at the seams and with the name of your tormentor being the only word you were able to string together. 

"Such a beauty, and all for me," his praises accompanied you through the rough orgasm ripping through your body, lips kissing your forehead in stark contrast to the digits still pumping inside your heat. "Let me hear your voice, baby. Let me hear how beautiful my name sounds on your lips."

And you obeyed, because what other choice did you have. Mindless, broken, and oh, so needy. 

You continued to audibly moan as your climax unwound, crying out his name in absolute reverence while Shouto's smile deepened against your skin. The chill of his touch was still as soothing as ever, calming down the embers of a lust that refused to completely die down.

When he finally pulled his hands from your core, you felt excruciatingly empty. But you were not given enough time to wallow in your despair, because who you once considered your friend was then grasping your face gently between his hands, leading your gaze to meet his—forcing you to witness the intensity and adoration present there. 

"My Y/N."

Even in your deeply intoxicated state, the last few dredges of your senses supplied just how utterly abhorrent the situation was. 

The sirens signaling the start of the Purge had died down a while ago, drowned out by your own cries of pleasure, but you could still see the remnants of the government logo still plastered all over the TV, its bright glow bathing you both in an eerily scarlet ambiance. 

From the same weak place of coherence, a shiver of fear managed to break through your stupor. 

"You're going to continue to be a good girl for me, aren't you?" 

When he kissed you then, slow and almost ironically hesitant despite what had just transpired moments before, you couldn't begin to tell your body to refuse. Much to your own horror, you were soon eagerly kissing your tormentor back. 

。。。。。                                                      

   The second mistake leading up to your downfall, on the other hand, took a little longer to occur. It was after a few more weeks of conversation. You vented and talked way too much, while Shou listened intently and even rewarded you with a few crumbs of advice of his own.  

So wrapped up in your new seemingly innocuous friendship you were in, you failed to recognize the magnitude of an event that should've sent you scrambling to shut off your monitor. A warning so loud it would've put the Purge sirens themselves to shame. 

You see, with Shou's help, you were slowly becoming more of an active user around those parts. You didn't just stick to replying to his posts or lurking until he shot you a private message anymore; no, you were now officially a contributor, deciding to step out of your anonymity to share what you thought was a fairly interesting article. It was a rather long-winded thinkpiece on the morality of Darlings’ treatment after the Purge had ended—the reality of that year spent in captivity that most people tended to just brush under the carpet, all in the name of making the entire ordeal more palatable to digest. 

In all your eagerness, however, you had failed to realize a very crucial detail, which was that the article was a whole two days old. Already an ancient text by forum's standards, apparently. 

So with that in mind, of course you should've expected the hate, an outpouring of bitterness fit for a community of loners and acidic underdogs. You were on an anonymous forum on one of the darkest parts of the internet, somewhere most sane people actively stayed away from—Clearly, a rookie unwittingly reposting something was the perfect target for a lot of your bitter comrades. An excuse to finally take out all of their pent up frustration.  

   Fuck1ng pleb, thanks for copy-pasting the same post for the 55th time. 

   This is why we shouldn't let newbies post. Look at this mess @mods.

   Time to hang it up, n00b. And by “it”, I mean your f****** neck.  

   i bet ur a girl, [Username]. u type like a b1tch. 

And the icing on the cake for internet interactions, a myriad of wall spamming "KYS" being plastered all across the comment section, bold and daunting as they filled your notification box with the repetitions of hate. If you weren't so sure of your safety behind your screen, perhaps you would've felt intimidated. 

As it stood, you were just embarrassed, mortified at the fact that you had seemingly botched your only attempt at leaving a positive first impression. If anything, it only seemed you had given everyone a common enemy to pick on for once...

Or that was, at least, until Shou happened to log in at exactly that precise moment. You knew he was usually busy around that day and time (he never actually told you whether he had a job, but you had surmised as much from your past chats), so his instantly recognizable profile picture and username popping up had you genuinely gasping at first. It was one hell of a coincidence, but you couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief at what looked to be your savior.

   Everyone, stop getting your panties in a twist. This is why no new users end up staying, the environment is abhorrent. 

It was vague enough not to betray the fact that you two weren’t just strangers anymore, as well as keeping Shou’s reputation as a lone wolf from completely shattering.

And a comment which, surprisingly, instantly dulled most of the incoming messages your post was being flooded with. 

People respected him there, his status as a renowned user giving him a genuine sort of power and hold over the rest of the community. One of the first things you had recognized on the forums was the distinct hierarchical structures amongst its users, and there Shou might’ve as well be granted the title of mayor for all the weight his every sentence carried.

Or at least they did with the majority of the community. As in every place where large numbers of people gathered, there were always a few rotten apples just begging to be tossed. 

   and ofc ur whiteknighting for her, Shou The Great. shes sucking ur dick under evry single post u make

You cringed, studying the bitter user that had decided to be a contrarian and easily recognizing him from unsavory past encounters you witnessed. Although, if you were completely honest, this time you couldn't exactly say his words didn't carry a certain degree of validity.

Shou had told you he was glad that was the case with you, that his post resonating with anyone was one of the main reasons why he hadn't just disappeared from the site completely. But in reality, saying you weren't subtle about your agreement with his ideas would be an understatement. 

You were like a puppy skipping behind him, trailing his interactions and always ready to write an eager comment backing him up. Yet you had never thought others actually paid attention to your mostly one-sided interactions, the occasional meager downvote or emote being the only thing that made you aware your comments weren’t just lost in the sea of spam Shou’s posts were usually showered in. 

For the longest time, your support had just felt like leaving letters for the man to find. Letters you hadn’t even been sure had reached their target until a few weeks back...

Suddenly, the sharp sound of Shou's incoming reply drove you from your tribulations.  

   Well, maybe if you weren't such a crude man you wouldn't be permabanned from starting topics yourself. Although I doubt anyone would be sucking your dick either way, shitty ideology considered. [Image attached]

A grimace was quick to grow on your face as you aptly studied the picture Shou decided to close his reply with.

It was a screenshot of what looked to be someone's post history, a rather extensive list with alarmingly offensive titles such as "Why male darlings should be spared", "The purge is a form of cuckoldry" and “Feminist agenda: female yanderes and their biological advantage [Repost]". Almost all of them exhibited a tragic downvote ratio right as well, besides the red symbol signaling the posts had been archived by senior users or mods.

For someone who also loathed the terrible holiday, it was almost admirable how the man managed to be almost as detestable as the criminals you all rallied against. 

But even so, what disturbed you the most wasn't the clear bigotry of the user, but the fact that that screenshot couldn't have been taken from public records. A user's post history was hidden, just another measure on the site’s part to keep people from recognizing too many details about each other and possibly endangering themselves. 

No, it could only have been taken from inside the account. And judging from the other guy's quick reaction, you weren't the only one who came to that realization.

   how the fck did u get that

   I knew u were friends with the mods. fcking rats 

By that point, everyone else had stopped clogging the comments and, you assumed, instead opted to settle down and attentively observe the events transpiring. Apart from the emote reactions and the rapidly rising number of upvotes on Shou’s comments, you had all become a passive audience to the public ridicule.

Although you couldn’t help feeling slightly disjointed by Shou’s behavior. Below your wicked sense of pride at having him defend you, there was still the whispers of your gut telling you the man was going a little too far, his actions spelling a more sinister meaning than just “having a friend’s back”.

   You've been here for years, Minoru. Surprised you haven't yet noticed how much of a pest everyone sees you as. 

Minoru? You did a double-take, going back to read the username of the guy Shou was arguing with. But he just had a randomly generated number as a pseudonym, same as you and most others, and with just a picture of some anime sneezing girl to distinguish his profile from the rest. No trails or signs of what could Shouto be referencing to.

Nothing but an option you preferred not to consider. But it couldn't be, could it? your friend wouldn’t...

   fucking delete that right now, man.

   this isn't a joke, DELETE THAT. 

Only that the abrasive and desperate reaction told you everything you needed to know. Your heart was beating rapidly in your chest, shock mixing with equal parts horror and amazement you couldn’t even begin to try and disentangle. Because right that second, you were witnessing your friend breaking the forum’s number one rule with a front-row seat to the spectacle. 

And he was doing it all in your name.

   Then maybe think twice before you go out of your way to harass newbies. Or have you had too much time on your hands after being fired, is that it?

It was vague enough not to represent any kind of threat... if not for the context of the site. And yet you all knew the hidden message behind it, the warning for whoever Minoru was to understand Shou knew much more than what he was letting on. That he could expose much more than he was currently alluding to. 

   y are u even doing this, shou? y do u care wtf happens to this noobslut anyways?

Shou's reply took barely a moment to appear, lighting up your screen and, despite the slightly morbid nature of his protection, coaxing out a smile to adorn your lips. It was like a balm being applied to your worries, quieting down most of your incipient concerns in favor of rejoicing. 

   They're a friend. 

For fuck’s sake, you even screenshotted that for posterity. Somehow, him acknowledging the new bond you two had openly felt like a milestone. 

When a mod came in to archive the post and give everyone involved a stern warning later on, you were already way past your previous doubtful sentiments. 

Instead, the last thing you did before going to sleep that day was to open up your private conversation with Shou and send a quick yet heartfelt message of gratitude his way. 

Months prior, you wouldn’t have ever thought you’d be thanking anyone for semi doxxing another human being. How rapidly things were changing, though, and all while you got lost in the thrill of mattering.

   Thanks for sticking up for me. It meant a lot, you typed feeling slightly lightheaded, drunk on the idea that anyone would think you worthy of having your back.

You thought Shou went offline after dishing out his not so thinly veiled threats, but somehow he was back again in an instant, the sound of notifications going off shaking any remnants of your exhaustion.  

   Anything for you, [Y/N]. 

You were so tired, it didn't occur to you that you hadn't yet shared your real name with your friend either.

That night, for once, you fell asleep with a twinkle in your eye and the image of Shou's multicolored locks dancing against your eyelids. Imagining, ever so briefly, your fingers trailing down the back of a neck you now had memorized from analyzing his profile picture. 

And, while you slept with your phone clutched to your side, you also failed to notice the peculiar sound of your own camera going off, the soft glow from the red light beside your lense bathing your features in its subtle illumination, flickering against your eyelashes and the lingering grin on your curved lips. 

You truly looked angelic like that. 

Suffice it to say, Minoru never bothered you again after that day. In fact, his name disappeared from the site not too soon after. 

。。。。。                                                   

    But now, to continue the grueling task of giving a context for your inevitable end, it is necessary to jump a month further into the future, barely a week from the excruciating present. 

Because it was then that the last strike finished nailing the coffin of your proverbial undoing, burying you under the weight of your own ignorance.

You got your notice in the mail on the Day of Announcements, an inconspicuous letter lacking any further distinction beyond a scarlet government seal emblazoned across its front. But even before you opened and read the message, you already knew of its contents—easily recognizing the image before you from several of the varied posts you had seen floating around on the forums lately.

   Purge Notice!!! Help needed Urgently. 

   Just got my letter. Do I stay hidden or fight back? [Open poll]

   Third time getting mine. AMA about my methods. 

The range of how you had seen other users reacting to their own selections was diverse, with some of them being more experienced while others, such as you, had just gotten their first letter ever. If things played out differently for you, then you were sure you would've been another one of the numerous panicked voices, awkwardly trying to maneuver their way out of their new situation.

And maybe, then, your odds wouldn't have been so completely fucked from the start. 

As it stood, as soon as you laid eyes on the notice, the first thing you thought of was how quickly you could boot up your computer and open the forum’s private messages. Because, for the first time in forever, you were overwhelmed by the feeling of someone else being there for you. 

Shou was your friend, had earned that spot fair and square after months of listening to you venting and sharing deep discussions; faster than you could even realize it, and so it was only natural for you to seek his help once the news of your selection for the new yearly Purge reached you. 

He had even threatened another user for your sake, for fuck’s sake. So, really, what harm could come out of relying on someone you were sure was trustworthy?

Maybe it was too late by that point for you to snap out of it, but it was almost amusing seeing you being so easily deceived. 

Just another reason why you needed him, certainly.

 。。。。。

    Already told you I'd have your back, had been his immediate reply barely an instant after you attached a candid photo of your hand holding up the envelope. Whatever you need, I’m here.

His lack of hesitation was palpable through your screen, heart hammering in your chest as you were faced with a kindness you had thought yourself undeserving of not long ago. 

As soon as you closed your mailbox, you had immediately raced to send him the message, completely foregoing telling any of your other friends or family members when you doubted they would even understand you in the first place. Shou had been right when he told you people just didn’t want to see the truth, even if it slapped them right in the face, leaving dark imprints in the shape of their narrow mindedness.

But he was there, he was letting you know as much, in his own words. And for what felt like the hundredth time in the past few months, you felt incredibly lucky to have stumbled upon the Forums in the first place, to have traced whatever fortunate path had led you to find him—the one person able to distinguish you in a world you always thought you blended straight into. 

   Thank you, Shou, for everything. And at that moment, you really had been truthful, so much so that there were tears prickling at your eyes, an overwhelming feeling of gratitude drowning you with its intensity.

Indeed, your final mistake had been your desperate need for acceptance. A need that had, in the end, cost you everything.

   You can call me Shouto now. No use for nicknames anymore.

Amidst the chaos of your life possibly crashing down all around you, somehow his revelation put a trembling smile back in your face. 

   Then allow me to repeat: thank you, Shouto. 

   Np, Newbie. Told you I'd help you level up, didn't I? 

His teasing managed to garner a small stuttering laugh out of you despite the dreadfulness of your situation. 

But you couldn’t help it. Somehow, every reply Shouto sent you only served to wrap the illusion of safety tighter around you. So tight in fact, that you should’ve started worrying about suffocating. 

。。。。。

   On the other side of the screen, the man with the multicolored hair couldn’t help but keep staring at the picture you had sent him earlier. 

He was transfixed, eyes almost unblinking as they refused to separate from the image. The way your fingers tentatively held the letter up for the picture was simply adorable to him. Beautifully naive. 

It wasn't like he hadn't seen your face before, like he hadn't already memorized the texture of your skin and the everlasting trace of a frown always threatening to dampen your mood. He read your expressions like poetry, every mole and scar furthering the securing of his interest. 

But this was the first picture you had actually chosen to send him out of your own volition, the final symbol of a trust he had worked so tirelessly to earn. Used to catching prey as he was, the man wasn’t entirely sure when you had turned from a game into a priority, from a priority into the only thing he could even make himself care for.

And it didn’t help that it was his letter you were holding, too. His formal declaration of pursuit. 

With time, Shouto was sure you would find it in yourself to appreciate the beauty of such irony. 

But, for now, what he really needed to do was buy some tea. Couldn’t have your own stubbornness ruining your first encounter, could he?

。。。。。

   In the coming weeks, your friend aided you and even coached you as you jointly planned for the horrific holiday, not only suggesting ideas but tracing the safety measures needed for them to succeed. You really had no reason to doubt him by that point.

That evening, after you finished letting Shouto know you were back from work, you made sure to pack all of your supplies into an inconspicuous bag you had acquired for the occasion. Whoever your Yandere was, it was best to not give any hints of your new acquisitions, just in case they were already stalking your movements. 

Shouto had helped you devise the list, mentoring you in your selection of weapons as well as self-defense arsenal—what brands of pepper spray to get, which ammunitions were most efficient and reliable, even what kind of clothing was the least troublesome if the need to escape ever arose. If you had been sure he knew his craft before, now you were surprised at just how vast his wisdom genuinely was. 

After the last few finishing touches of preparations, you were already on your way to the direction you had both agreed on (supplied by him, approved by you). There were several hours until the start of the Purge still, but the adrenaline swimming through your bloodstream was already considerable. 

Shouto had suggested you visited him for the Holiday, quoting how the measures in place for his home made it nothing short of a fortified vault, impossible for any outsiders to break into (and for anyone to break out of, but let's not get ahead of ourselves). 

With that in mind, how could you have refused his offer? Your place was barely an excuse for an apartment, windows that didn't entirely close, and feeble doors that could be easily broken into. Even if you weren't partly driven by the curiosity of meeting your new internet idol turned friend, it would've been foolish to decline. 

So in a few hours, you were sporting a nervous smile on your face as you parked your car in front of the largest apartment complex you had ever encountered. It was luxurious in a way you had only seen staring back at you from a television screen, marble, and gold accents giving you the impression you were about to step into a drama set instead of visiting an online friend. 

Before the surrealism of the entire situation could begin to set in, however, you noticed the young man sitting on the ample stairs of the building. He had an air of effortless elegance, tall and lithe, yet sporting a black turtleneck which hugged his frame and made it clear just how much sheer strength hid behind his movements. 

And he also sported the same peculiarly colored locks you had already memorized from the last few months, the light softly reflecting on them proving to be an even more impressive show when admired live. 

You were dazzled for an instant, wondering if, somehow, this entire thing was a prank and the Shou from the forums had just schemed his way into making a fool out of you in front of a handsome stranger. Way too convoluted, yet entirely too plausible to your bewildered self. 

Until the man lifted his eyes—as beautifully dual-toned as his hair, and catching sight of you standing just beside your recently parked vehicle. 

"Y/N," he was sharply climbing to his feet as he called out your name, the shy hint of a smile in his lip contradicting the monotone cadence of his tone. "Good to finally meet you."

You had first been under the impression that the Shou you knew was cold, the way he interacted with others on the site reminding you of an emotionless robot at times, but the man addressing you seemed like he was ripped straight out of a stereotypical rom-com. 

Maybe he'd be the aloof, tormented heir? Which, in your fantasy drama land, would make you the nearly illiterate and poor love interest. Your feelings of inadequacy only grew at the comparison.

Almost cute, how that had been one of your greatest worries once upon a time. How foolishly eager you were to be liked back then.

"Shouto." The name still felt somewhat strange on your lips, even after he had insisted you started calling him that. "It's good to meet you, too."

He was by your side in an instant, taking your bags from you swiftly and shutting the door to your ride. From this up close, it became considerably harder to disguise your staring. 

Even the scar which covered his left eye, a splash of reddish textured skin, somehow came across like yet another enhancer of his appeal. An underlying harshness which you couldn't help but be intrigued by. 

"Your hair looks even better in person."

And leave it to you to once again find a way to screw first impressions. You were chastising yourself a mere second after the words left your mouth. 

But Shouto only sent you that same hint of a smirk your way, his eyes appearing genuinely pleased at your praise. If he thought you were a weirdo and was regretting ever inviting you to his house, then he was a good enough actor for you to be fooled.

And fooled you he did, but with completely different intentions. 

"You look just like in your pictures," came his serene retort not long after.

Which you assumed was a joke, keeping in mind that the only photo you had ever sent his way had been of the Purge letter you received a few days ago.

Laughing lightly, you tried to ignore the nerves tugging at your chest before catching up with him on the steps of the building. 

As you giddily barged straight into the open jaws of the beast, it once again struck Shouto how utterly unsuspecting you were. How you trusted him so wholeheartedly.

He couldn't wait to see it all come crashing down.

。。。。。

   Inside his honest to god penthouse, your previous feeling of insufficiency only became more severe. 

The interiors were decorated sparingly, albeit fashionably. Filled with different muted shades and being unexpectedly traditional in the way they were designed. It was a stunning abode, even if you couldn't help but mentally point out how utterly unlived in it appeared.

There was not a single cup, shoe, or book out of place, everything perfectly polished and organized to the point that you felt hesitance as your sock-covered feet continued making their way through the place.

"Make yourself at home," Shouto told you most matter-of-factly. If you weren't so sure of his intentions by now, perhaps you would've thought he was being sarcastic. 

Without any of your belongings to distract yourself with, you instead gravitated towards what you could see of the kitchen through one of the sliding doors. 

It was very modern despite the rest of the aesthetic the penthouse sported, shiny stainless steel and spotless dark countertops. It should've looked out of place when paired with the carpeted floors, wooden furniture, and sparse pieces of classical Japanese art…

Yet somehow, it strangely fits. Just like his owner, you supposed, thinking back to the oddities that amounted to his unique brand of appeal.

And you really needed to stop thinking of your friend like that. 

When you heard the door to the apartment being audibly locked with a resounding click, you instantly stopped your fingers grazing the smooth countertops. Your instincts flared up with worry for a moment, right before you forcefully willed yourself to calm down.  

After reminding yourself of the true reason why you were there, the exhale you released next was one of clear relief. 

"Want something to drink?" Shouto appeared in your line of sight again, hands buried in the pockets of his pants and looking like the picture of composure. 

You felt embarrassed once again, knowing he had given you a free pass to roam but still somewhat self-conscious about intruding on his space. 

"You don't need to make me anything. I'm fine." Your timbre was apologetic, not used to slipping into the role of a guest just yet. 

He seemed strangely dissatisfied with your answer, closing some of the distance between you with a presence that had you almost flinching back for a second. 

There was an intensity in his gaze, something which you could not quite yet place. 

"But I want to be a good host. So let me." He appeared very serious about it, too, with his face growing stern as his peculiar eyes bore into yours. 

Not wanting to cause further distress, you imagined relenting would be the best course of action. 

It was like you were molded to be the perfect Darling, so wonderfully meek and gullible.

"Okay then. Water is fine."

Yet Shouto shook his head, still somewhat dissatisfied with your answer. 

"Tea it is." His phrasing allowed little space for argument. "I know you mentioned liking a few brands before, so I took the liberty of stocking up on them."

A surprising burst of laughter broke through your anxious feelings then, drawing Shouto's eyes again from the particular cabinet they had drifted to as he mentioned the beverages. 

He looked at you puzzled, an unasked question written all over his otherwise blank expression, and so you decided to reply from the surge of unexpected amusement you were experiencing. 

"It's only a night, Shou," you didn't even realize you had slipped back into his nickname, too entertained by how much he had apparently overdone his hospitality. "There really wasn't any need for you to go buy my favorite teas."

His eyes blinked quite slowly your way, his expression back to his vacant mask before a smile reappeared.

"I wanted you to feel welcomed," he supplied as he approached the cabinet he was eyeing before, dedicating himself to searching for whatever kind of flavor of tea he had in mind. 

In response, you just shrugged your shoulders with another chuckle. 

"And I didn't get you anything. You're making me feel even more out of place."

"Nonsense," he cut you off in that deadpan way of his, hands rummaging through the most ridiculously vast tea collection you had ever seen. And then he added, decidedly quieter, "today is supposed to be about you, after all."

Too bad you didn't pick up on it. 

When he ushered you back to the salon with barely a wave next, pointing at one of the cushions arranged around the short-legged table, you decided to follow his suggestion and wait there while he finished brewing the drinks. By now, you understood the futility of offering any kind of help when he was still so intent on properly welcoming you. 

So, curious as you were, your eyes continued to inspect each and every inch of the apartment, drinking up all the pieces of info you could observe, that you didn't even think of the potential dangers of letting a stranger fix you a cup while you weren't looking.

Unbeknownst to the other, you were both actively counting down the seconds until the Purge started, minds lost to your own inner turmoils from opposite sides of the suite. 

And for entirely different reasons, you were both filled with anticipation.    

。。。。。

   Meanwhile, finally back in the present after retracing the steps that guided you there, it was becoming increasingly hard to compartmentalize the chaos brewing inside you.

Shouto’s lips were the personification of hunger against yours, an inescapable gluttony to mark and consume every single inch of you he could encompass. 

After a hint of understanding returned to your body post-orgasm, your vision and the sensations you endured were becoming disturbingly vivid. It was impossible to conceive anything beyond his hands ridding you of your flimsy camisole, palms cold in comparison to the heat you felt, splaying against your sides and slowly making their way up the sensitive mounds of your chest.

“All mine, baby.” You barely registered his teeth nipping at your bottom lip until a shock of pain snapped you out of your trance.

He bit you, and quite harshly too, but when you tried to instinctually pull back his response was to hold you even tighter. Before you could attempt to voice your complaints, his tongue was darting out to clean up the droplets of blood he spilled. 

“Out of all the Darlings I’ve played with, you’re the only one I’ve ever even considered keeping, you know?”

And now that had you freezing, even amidst the cloud of desire still muddling your cognizance. His arms pressed you closer still, forcing you to bury your face against his chest, completely unphased by the bloody mess your mouth had morphed into.  

Had he tricked others before then? Was that the reason why he was even on the Forums in the first place? 

You wanted to ask him what he meant, wanted to demand explanations for a phrase that had dread closing around your neck like a noose. But whatever he slipped into your drink to keep you so awfully responsive and pliable, also appeared to make forming any complex sentences incredibly hard…

Shou, ever the receptive one, caught onto your change in demeanor rather aptly. His face nuzzled your hair softly, humming a calming melody as if you were a scared child who could be so easily reassured. Meanwhile, his hands hadn’t abandoned your breasts, still tenderly kneading them with a touch bordering on worship.

“But I’m glad you weren’t my first, baby. Means I could be all ready for when we met.” He rocked you both as he rested his back further on the sofa, opening his legs wider below you and forcing you to settle closer to his clothed groin with a whimper. 

Your arms reached out to grasp his shoulders while you tried to stabilize yourself, the strain of his erection resting snuggly against your still sensitive slit. 

"Helped me to know when to pull back," he kept confessing, purposefully thrusting into you while he kept lovingly massaging your chest, fingers twisting your hardened peaks to coax a new kind of mewl to be uttered against his skin. "Wouldn't want you to break now that I've finally found you."

The fact that your bodies seemed to fit so perfectly, even in your impaired state, was not an irony lost on you. 

Abruptly, Shouto stopped fondling your breasts in order to maneuver your face again, both of your stares meeting in a vehement standoff before he continued. 

“I’ll make this as close to perfection as I can, I promise you.” And you got a direct view of the vulnerability in his uniquely colored eyes, the nature of his words clearly heartfelt despite the atrocities they alluded to. 

As you heard him drag his zipper down, the hand clutching your jaw trembling in anticipation, you couldn’t help the new wave of warmth spreading through your body, negating all the fear and anxiousness warring inside you in order to shamefully expose your baser desires.

Now that whatever had been clouding your  judgment was pulling back slightly, your thought process had begun to snap back into place, overflowing you with a terrible sense of shame at your own reactions.

He gave you something earlier with your drink, you were sure of it, and yet you couldn’t help but still be horrified at just how much you were enjoying it. Once you felt the flushed head of his cock placidly rubbing against your thigh, the sounds leaving your mouth weren’t ones of complaint, peril or dissent.

Quite the contrary, actually, and it only made Shouto grow bolder.

As the hand clutching your face grew tenser, gripping you with force before tugging harshly, you got the hint. Now painfully following his lead, it wasn't long before the previous pressure against your legs was now resting directly against your cunt. 

The pre-cum already gathered on him mixed in with your still oozing arousal, smearing the span of your outer lips as he lightly teased you one last time. 

You were so mortified by that point, that if he had offered to end your embarrassment right then and there with one of the several weapons you knew he kept, you would’ve been very inclined to accept. 

“... I didn’t even think there was such a thing as 'The One' before, actually.” You hadn’t even realized the man was still talking, ardent whispers getting lost on the intensity of the situation. 

His eyes were searching your face, a satisfied twinkle lighting them up as soon as you returned his stare of your very own volition. Perturbed, you wondered if his delusion made him see anything beyond a twisted mix of lust and fear reflected back at him. 

“But I now know just how wrong I was, Y/N.” So sure of himself, tone back to the stern cadence you previously associated with him for a moment, gripped by a gravity befitting of his obsession. “Indeed, I think you were always meant to be my darling… don't you agree?”

To your credit, you did struggle to speak up, to gain back the control over a body which had stopped listening long ago. Too bad you only managed a single pitiful word out.

“Shouto…”

But before you could even fathom attempting a better response, he was breaching into you, sheathing himself with an ease you wished you could overlook, turning your voice from an anguished plea into outrageously labored moans. 

You had once thought Shou had been interested in you because he somehow perceived you as anything but pathetic, but you were beginning to think it had been your weakness which drew him in all along. 

So deliciously frail, that even a predator like him had been driven with an urgent need to protect you. To break you down, just so he could be the one to build you back together.

As he started fucking you with shallow thrusts, hips bucking up from the sofa while he tenderly guided you until your body was mimicked his motion on its own, you couldn’t help but be the most disturbed at his oddly affectionate ways. 

As awful as it sounded, now that your mind had awakened from its stupor all you wanted was for him to bend you over and abuse you, manhandle you and mistreat you in a way which unequivocally screamed assault. You wanted bruises painting your skin, proof that you hadn’t just willingly given up and facilitated your own ruin. 

He was humiliating you despite the pretty words he decided to disguise it as—showing you how easily he could own you and even make you enjoy it, drug-addled drink or not. 

But as his mouth latched around one of your hardened nipples, sucking generously until his name was once again fast on your tongue, you also couldn’t deny the crystal clear responses you were giving.

You could attempt to lie to yourself later, could swear it was all a delusion born out of the deranged man's mind, but the particular brand of your screams was unmistakable.

When your own hand reached down to facilitate your release, you knew you were already acting beyond what you could've previously attributed to the drugs. Toying with your bundle of nerves, you rested your forehead against Shouto's shoulders, tears from the pleasure mixing in with the subjacent agony of your guilt. 

Why did it have to feel so good? And how far did the drugs truly affect you? Or had they just peeled back your inhibitions perhaps, baring you until all you had were dark desires and no self-control to contain them. 

You still tasted blood inside your mouth when your walls started clenching around his cock, the coppery flavor entirely too vivid on your tongue. Hearing his own choked groans gasping against your chest, you felt his mouth abandoning your bud with a pop before his kisses were trailing a path back up—eager in their search of your face, your lips. 

You were still cumming by the time a lascivious kiss connected you two again, unwinding in his grasp until his hands were the only thing keeping you whole. 

“Even if I wasn't taught how,” he began promising while his rhythm grew frantic, barely resisting the allure of your core fluttering around him. “I promise I’ll love you, Y/N. Love you so good, you won’t ever want to leave when the next Purge comes.” He was getting increasingly excited by his own words, imagining a future where you did not need the aid of a little cup of tea to eagerly kiss back. “I’ll fuck you every day, fill you up and show you just how much I care. How much you matter.”

Faced with his degenerate promises, all you could do was gasp out his name one last time, perhaps seeking to express your reticence, perhaps oddly excited by the image he was painting. 

You indulged him in the pitiful sound of your whimpers molding around its syllables, and it wasn’t long before you were coaxing him to join you with an orgasm of his own.

He actually came inside, you recognized inwardly after the aftershocks of enjoyment now quieted down to a lull, a new type of dread quickly following the realization. His cum was still shooting in hot ropes, stuffing you to the brim with the intent and purpose of a man bent on marking you, owning you.

But Shouto was so loving as he kissed you time and time again, painfully reminding you of just how nice he could be for you, how gentle and attentive. It made the lines between your tormentor and a traditional lover blur even further, the confusion clouding your sense not merely born out of narcotics any longer. 

You had been so preoccupied with a monster outside your house once. A creature ripped from the kind of movies that were ripe with cheap scares and considerably cheaper thrills. 

But monsters never were like that in real life, were they? As the man continued to cradle you in his arms like the most vulnerable of creatures, you were suddenly struck by how glaringly obvious things should’ve been from the beginning. 

Because your Yandere’s obsession had not come with claws and a row of sharp teeth. No, it came instead with a suit of deception to hug its frame, the bait of acceptance, and the promise of a reliable ear to comfortably listen. It arrived with whispers that assured you that you were not alone, that it was not you who was flawed, but the world for not welcoming you. 

It dangled everything your little heart desired, so by the time you were reaching out, you were simply too distracted to notice the dangers of the abyss you were throwing yourself at.

Luckily for you, Shouto had made such a void his home. And for however long it took you to consider the darkness as your own, his was a kind of hospitality that no amount of your struggles could ever hope to wear down. 

And if the worst came to pass, if you kept stubbornly refusing and fighting despite your odds? Well…

   He could always brew you another cup of tea.

-------

Well, I can finally rest now 💀

This monster of a one-shot took me a lot longer than expected, so I ended up being a lil later to the collab that I would’ve liked. Either way, I’d really appreciate hearing any feedback or opinions on either the fic or art (or both?)... I swear that’s what keeps me motivated ;___; 

So fr, thanks to everyone who takes the time to let me know your takes! y’all are the bests of the best 🖤 And speaking of bests of best, special thanks and gratitude to the actual angels who helped and gave me feedback for both the art and/or fic @reinawritesbnha , @drxwsyni​, @wootato, @snappysnapo and @coyambition. Don’t catch me seeing y’all drop your crowns bc it’s on sight  😠 👑

#bnha fanart #todoroki #yandere todoroki #todoroki x reader #bnha imagines #bnha #mha fanart #bnha x reader #todoroki fanart #todoroki smut #todoroki shouto #todoroki shoto #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #anime fanart #bnha smut #bnha art #artists on tumblr #just art tingz